txn^v,i^im
'alifomi
gional
.^i^
THIS EDITION
IPIU(0ISIL1^8 €IL1UB
IS
PRINTED FOR THE PROPRIETOR,
BY JOHN JOHNSON
AND SOLD BY
LONGMAN, HURST, REES, ORME AND BROWN,
PATERNOSTER ROW;
J. MAJOR, SKINNER STREET;
JOHN AND ARTHUR ARCH, CORNHILL;
AND ROBERT TRIPHOOK,
OLD BOND STREET;
LONDON,
M D C C C X V II.
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THE IMPRESSION OF THIS EDITION
IS AS FOLLOWS:
LAllGE PAPER (IMPERIAL) TWO HUNDRED.
SMALL PAPER (ROV'AL) FIVE HUNDRED.
CHINESE PAPER (WHITE) EIGHTEEN.
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SATIN (MOUNTED ON IMPERIAL) SEVEN.
VARIOUS COLOURS (PRINTED ON ONE SIDE) ONE.
BLUE, ONE. YELLOW, ONE.
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XCELLENT as are the morals
and general tendency of the fol-
lowing pages, no apology seems
necessary for offering them to
the Public in their present em-
bellished form. The Works of
PuCKLE are few in miniber, but they have all been
originally published with the desire of being useful;
and it has been judged by those who have perused
his "Club" with attention, that its revival at the
present moment would he received ivith general ap-
probation; and as its own merits are sufficient to
plead in its behalf, little Editorial aid has been sup-
plied to secure its circulation. The style, manner,
and orthography, with a few unimportant exceptions,
have been studiously jjreserved in this Edition; which
is noiv offered to the Public with the same motive
as that which dictated the Original.
It first appeared in 1711, and the Author seems
to have sent it into the world without any other am-
bition, than the hope of benefiting those for whose
use it was designed. I
The present Edition is indebted to the able ;
r\
Gl
u
Co tIDf liratrrr*
I pencil of Mr. Thurston for the BesUjvs uitk
■ which it is illvstrutcd ; and it is presumed that the
\ man of taste, as well us the artist, uill admit that each
j tells the story of its peculiar siil>ject uith appropriate
1 expression. And icerc it necessary to dicell on the
I vieiits of the Author, it uovld of itself be no mean
I praise, that in the hands of a masterly Designer it
' shonld have become the vehicle of so fine a series of
humourous and characteristic prints. With respect
■ to the exec^ition of the Cuts by the several Engravers,
it mai/ be ullouablc here to remark, that the labour
1 ^f producing a good engraving on wood is more con-
I siderable, and requires more of art, than has gene-
rally been supposed; and it is but justice to those icho
have been employed in this part of the Work, to
i inform the Reader, that every line of the drawing
is marked out upon the block by the Designer, exactly
us it appears upon the paper ; from this delineation
it is the province of the Engraver to cjtt out a per-
fect and icell-icrought resemblance; to effect which,
great ability is rerjuisite, as the least deviation is irre-
mediable, es])ecial/y when what is technically termed
■ cross-liatcbing occurs, as is fully exemplified in the
decoration of this volume. To give a slight idea of
I the dijjicidty of such operation, it is only necessai'y
to obsrn-e, that evo'y minute inteistice of white is
. c^it out icith the graver from between eveiy viark of
the Designer's pencil. In consequence of this indis-
pensable nicety, the Proprietor, sparing no expense to
present the Work as faultless us possible, has thrown
aside four beautiful Designs, which were rendered
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Co tte Healrcr,
•useless by such deviation; and the same designs have
been retraced on neiv blocks.
With respect to the Typography little need be
said, as the discrimination of the Reader will atjirst
view acknowledge the great neatness, perspicuity and
attention, with ivhich the Printer has ful/illed his
department, more particularly in that difficult ap-
plication of it, which consists in giving due preci-
sion, true tone, and full effect to the impressions.
Upon the whole, therefore, it is hoped that this
undertaking has been so accomplished as to present
« combination of talents in the respective arts em-
ployed, ichich eqtials, if not excels, any specimen of
a similar description that has hitherto issiied from
the Press.
It was intended to attach to this Edition a
Sketch of the Author's Life, and in apology for its
omission, the Reader is informed, that, every pro-
bable source of information having been searched,
no Memoir or Account can be obtained that may be
depended upon.
It tcould seem, that the humility of PuCKLE
himself has deprived the world of a more extensive
knowledge of his personal biography; still sufficient
traits of his mind are discernable in his writings, to
icarrunt the conclusion that he was inffuenced solely
by a desire of doing good, and of preserving the
character of a good citizen, and an honest man ; an
opinion ichich is icarranted by the sentiments of the
present TTor/f, and is still more fully confirmed by
two other productions of his, entitled, "England's
El
Co tt)e l^ratirr.
third and subsequent Editions:
CO, LITTLE BOOK, AND SHEW THE FOOL HIS FACE,
THE KNAVE HIS PICTURE, AND THE SOT HIS CASE;
TELL TO EACH YOITH WHAT IS, AND WHAT'S NOT FIT,
AND TEACH TO SUCH AS WANT, SOBKIETV AND WIT.
London, XuiemJter, 1S17.
Interest," and " En2;land's way to Wealth and Ho- 1
nour," eopies of which are in the coUeetiou of the '
British Museum.
The Poi-trait prefixed has been most accurately \
copied by T. Bragg, a pupil of the present cele- '■
brated Mr. Sharp, from an original engraving by j
Vertue, after a painting by J. B. Closterman, j
and its genuineness is authenticated by the Earl ■
OF Orford, in his " Catalog^ue of Engravers,*' in '.
which he partictdarizes the Original. \
t j This Advoiisement cannot be better concluded, •
\ t than in Puckle's own icords, as appended to the '■
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ai«H of ^tt60(ri6er0.
i
HIS M.UESTVS LIBRARY.
THE MOST NOBLE THE MARQUIS OF
BUCKINGHAM, K. G.
THE RIGHT HON. EARL FITZWILLIAM.
THE RIGHT HON. EARL SPENCER. K. G.
THE RIGHT HON. L<'RD ARUNDEL.
THE RIGHT HON. CHARLES Bv\THURST.
THE RIGHT HON. THOM.\S GRE.VVILLE.
HONOURABLE GEORGE NASSAU.
SIR MARK MASTERMAN SYKES, BART.
SIR CHARLES DOWNIE K. C.
SIR SAMUEL EGERTON BRYDGES, B.VRT.
SIR JAMES EDWARD SMITH.
Abbott, Mr. George
Absalom, Mr.
Ackerniann, Mr. Rudolph
Adderley, Thomas, Esq.
Addison, Sir. Preston
Adolphus, John, Esq.
Allen, James, Esq. Picton-vastle
Anderson, Mr. William
Andrews, Mr. WilUani, Xeucastle
Arch, John and Arthur
Armstrong, Mr. W. Muiichcstcr
Arrowsraith.Mr. J. Bkhmond, 1 A
Ashby, Mr. Robert
Asperne, Mr. James
Aspinall, Jlr.Joseph, Penfonville
Austin, Mr. General Post-njiice
Austin, Jlr. Eailey, Mitchiim
Ayrlon, Mr. T. Kippuii, } orksli.
Baker, James, Esq.
Baldwin & Co.
Balmanno, R. Esq. Tlampstead
Bancks, Mrs. Maiiv/w.iter
Barker, Mr. Joseph, Manchester
Barnett, Mr. John
Barnett, Mr. Robert, Manchester
Barron, IMiss, Hackney-road
Batley, J. Lodge, Esq. Maxham
Batman, Mr. Thos. Manchester
Beadnell, Mr. John
Beadnell, Mr. George
Becket, Mr. John, Islington
Bell, Mr. John, Newcastle
Bell, Mr. Richard
Bensley, Mr. Benjamin
Bevan, Silvanus, Esq.
Bewick, Mr. T. Xeucastle Ti/ne
Bindley, James, Esq.
Einmer, J. Esq.
Bird, Edw. Esq. R.A. Bristol
Bird, Mr. Thunias
Blorafield, — Esq. lUirySt. Ed.
Eohu, .Mr. John
]!c)htc, Mr.
Boldero, Mr.
Bolland, William, Esq.
Boosey, .Mr. 1 liumas, Jun.
Booth, Mr.
Booty, Kev. Mr. JJuniplon-cnurt
Bough, William, Esq. EUisniere
Boy del I & C...
Bradley, Mr. J. Kewrtisfle Tyne
Bragg, j\lr. Thomas, Engraver
Braustou, Mr. Engnir. Hollouay
Brice, Mr. William, Canterbury
Britton, John, Esq. E..S. A.
Broadlcy, John, Esq. Hull
Broadley, Henry, Esq.
Brocket, J. T. Esq. Newcastle
Broom, , Esq.
Eros, Thomas, Esq.
Brown, Benjamin, Esq. Clafham
Brown, Mrs.
Burls, C'lias. Es(). M'althamstow
Burls, Charles, E-q. tor Friend
Burncll, Sir. E. Manchester
Bnsb, Mr.
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Etst of ^ubsfstirrs.
Butler, Mr. Thomas, M'itham
Butler, Mr. Thomas, for Friend
Butterworth, Mr. Joseph
Byrn, James, Esq.
Capper, IJev. James, Wilniiii^f'tn
C apptr. Rev. J.iim-s, for Friend
Capper, Mr. J. H. Bristol
t aslun, Mr. Henry
CatherNvood, Mr. J. J.
Chalmers, Alexander, Esq.
Child, John Bonus, Esq.
Chipcliase, Mr. Hubert
Chipchase, Mr. Henry
Chipcliase, Mr. James
Clarke, Joseph, Mi'\. Manchester
Claikv.in, Mr. B.
Clajton, Mr.
Clements, Jacob, Esq.
Clowes, l!ev. J. Manchester
Cockbdin, J. H. Manchester
Cockbiiin, Rev. Dr. Lessun-grote
Cockburn, — , Esq. Dulnich-coU.
Cole, Benjamin, Esq,
Cole, Mr.
Colnaghi, Mr.
Cook, Mr. W. Manchester
Coi belt, Mr.
Corbetl, Mr. James
Corrj, J. Esq. Liirgan-st. Dublin
Cos entry, .Mr. Geoige
Cow per, Mr.
Crawhall, Mr. T. Xeiicastle Tyne
Creighton, Mr. J.
Cresy, E. Esq. Uartford, Kent
Criiehley, >ir.
Croose, Mr.
Crosse, J.hn, Esq. F.S.A.
Crowder, W . Esq. .Siuithatiiptcn
Crowther, Dr. Anares'toroiigli
Cuitt, Mr. tieorge, Chester
Cummins;?, Mr. JJiiblin
Cuner, Miss F. M.
Daniel, Mr. R.
Davis, Mr. John, Osiiestry
Davison, Mr.
Dibdin, Rev. T. F. Kemiiirton
Dickson, >ii. Henry
Donee. F. 1 sq.
Douglass, Mr. Jnn.
Downes, John, Esq. Tottenham
Dunning, W. A. Esq. Maidstone
tUl, Edward, Esq. Hoxton
Elli:, Richard, Esq.
Evans, Mr. Bnoksel/i r
Evans, Miss, Coientrii
Evans, John, Y.i(\.SoutU Lambeth
Evans, Villiam, Esq.
Evans, Mr. David
Everingham, Mr.
Eyres, Mr.
Farran, William, Esq. Dubllti
Farran, John, Esq.
Farran, Mrs. M. Eroinpton
Fortescue, Mr.
Freeling, Francis, Esq.
Freeman & Sons, yoruich
Freeman, Mr. Jolin
Gaitii iici , 1 hos. Esij. A {ntish4oirn
Gardiner, Joseph, Juu. Esq. ditto
Gatty, 31r. KoK-it. Jnn.
Gerard, Rev. Chai les, BrvHi}iton
Gibbon, Mr. T. Kichmmid , ^ orks.
Gibbon, Mr. Samuel, Kettering
Gibbon, Mr. \\illiani, ditto
Gibson, Mr. William
(■illingham, Mr. J.
Ciill, Mr. George, Manchester
CJirand, Mr. John, Paris
CJrapel, Mr. Literj.vul
Gray, Mr. Joseph
Greenhill, Thos. Esq. Boues-farm
Cueenland, Mr.
CJregsou, Matt. F^sq. Liverpool
Goddard, >. M. Esq Hrlijliead
Goddard, William, Esq. Dublin
Goodin, J. Esq.
Goodman, Mr. March, Isle of Llif
Goi-e, John, Esq. If est-Ham
Gough, Mrs. Enfield
Gould, Mr. Quebec
Gould, Mr. Charles
Gould, Mr. John Jlorlon
Gould, Mr. \Silliam Ellis
Grifiilhs, J. Esq. PentonvUle
Gwynne, Dr. Hacknen
Hall & Co. Edinb,iruu!,h
Hall, Mr. Henry, Hntt
Hanson, Ben). Esq. }i ulthamstow
Harding, Mr. G. P.
Hrtiman, Edwaid, Esq.
Hanis, Mr.
Harrison, T. F.sq. Chester
Hariison, Mr. Thomas
Harrison, Mr. Ihos. for Friend
Haivey, J. Esq. Tliorj^-L/jcrlei)-hou. Dev.
Holyoak, .Mr. J. Beil-ditch, Birm.
Ilomertoii Keadin^ Society
Home, ]\Ir. Dover
Houlbrook, I'. Esq.
How, Ephraim, Esq,
Hill, Frederick, Esq. York
Hill, T. Esq.
Hinkesman, Mr.
Hoare, H. Esq. Mitcham-grnve
Hoaie, H. V. Esq. Mitchuin-grove
Huglies, Mr. \V. Engraver
Hyde, Mr. J. Manclnster
Ibbetson, Mr. .1. .1. Ma.sliam
Ibbetson,I\lr. I.e. UkUmonil, Yk.i.
Hinlis, .1. li, I'.sq.
Ireland, .Mr. .lacob, Keiulal
Jackson, .Mr.
James, J. T. Esq.
James, — , .lun. Esq.
Jennings, ^Ir.
Jennings, Mr. W. liriilporl
Jermyn, H. Esq. Halemoitli
Johnson, Mr. William
Johnson, Mr. John
Jollonds, Air.
Jones, ■"aninel, Esq. Lambeth
Jones, Mr. Robert
Jones, Rev. J. Hereford
Jones, Mr. Stephen
Judd, Capt.ii.i, Holijhead
Kennedy, Lonfjt'ocd, Esq. Bengal
Kennedy, R. Esq. Bermuda.^
Kendall, T. A. Esq. BrUtoii
hey, Thomas, Esq.
Kin?, F. B. Esq. S. Xenbigton
King, Thomas, Esq.
Kirnan, Owen, Esq. Demerara
Eaing, David, Esq.
Eambe, .Air.
Lapwoith, Mr. Stephen, Coventry
Larrance, Mr. George
Lawrence, Mr.
. Lawrence, Mr. Jun.
Leathl'.y, William, Esq.
Liltle, Mr. William
Longman, Hnrst & Co.
Lonsdale, , Esq.
Lowell, .Air.
Lnnell, W. Esq. Dublin
Lynott, Miss
Magralh, Mr. William
~ Major, Joseph, I'sq.
Major, Jlr. John
Marlcy, Mr. Gabriel
Jlarshall, Mr. W. ll'oreesfer
Marshall, Mr. T. Kutlliigliuiii
Martin, Mr. Pcekhum
Mason, Mr.
Masterman, John, Esq.
Malhie, William, Esq.
Maugham, Air. Thomas
Maurice, Air. D. S.
Mawdsley, Rev. Air. Chester
Mc'Niven, C. Esq.
Mc'Pherson, (ieorge, Esq.
Meigh, C. Esq. Uanleij ,Stafordsh,
Melllgan, D. D. Esq!
Mercier, Air. Dublin
Meredith, William, j:s |.
Merrick, Mr. Simeon
Midgley, James, Esq. Boehdale
Mileliam, Air.
Minton, Air. I. IJristvl
Mogdridge, Air. T.
Mole, T. Esq. Birmingham
Moore, lo.seph .lames, Esq.
Jloore, Air. George
Moore, Mr. Stejilien, Vlrcrstoil
Morphew, Air. William
Kares, The Rev. Archdeacon
Nateis, N. Esq. SandijJ'urd-house
■Neal, Air.
locale, AI,-. .1. I'.
f^egas, Air.
Nesbit, Mr. C. Swalluell, Xrot/i.
Nichols, J. Bowyer, Esq. F.S..\.
Mcholson, Air.
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ILifit of §)Ub6crt!iers.
D
, Kobic, Mr. r.dward, Boston
"KoitU John, L'sq.
Nunii, Wr. Cliarlcs
Ogdcii, A. Esq. Manchesfer
Oliver, Mr. Robert, Xewcastle
Oliver, A.J. Esq.
Palmer, David, Esq. Clapliam
I'eters, Mr. W. yeitcastle
Percival, Richard, Esq.
Pepjs, \V. H. Esq.
Perry, J. Esq.
Poole & Harding, Chester
Porter, Miss Jane
Potts, Mr. Janus, Xeiicastle
Powell, Mr. Walter
Prest, W. Esq. ;
Prestel, Mr. I'rankfort on Muyite \
Preston, Mr. T. IHtnichester ;
Prowett, Mr. t^eptinius ^
Prycc, Rev. Dr. CambrUge
P>ne,Mr. W . H.
Reay, Mr. Joliii, Neiica.stle
Rees, Mr. Bristol -
Rhodes, W. B. Esq.
Richards, Mr. J. ('untirhiiry
Richards, Miss, U. Vuntirbitry
Rigsje, Mr. John
hippou Thomas, Esq.
Bisdon, John, Esq. Jun.
Robinson, Eduard, Esq.
Robinson, Mr. G. Aeucastle
, Robinson, Mr. John, Liverpool
Robinson, Mr. T. Jun.
Robinson & Co. JAierpool
Robertson, Mr. Glasgow
Rogers, V. L. Esq.
Rogerson, W. Esq. Boston
Rose, James, Esq.
Ryan, Mr. Daniel
Saltc, W. G. Esq.
Saltc, Miss
Sandcford, ]S'. Esq. Manchester
Sanders, Thomas, Esq. '
Sandl'ord, Mr. Plyniviitk
Satterfield, Mr. J. l\lunchestcr
; Sava!;c, Mr. William
Scripps, Mr. William
Sedgwick, ^Ir.
Serle, Mr. lliomas
Setchcll and Son
j Severn, John, Esq.
I Sharp, A. Esq. Berkenshau , Yks.
I Sharp, Mr. W. G.
Sharp, Mr. W. Engraver
Sharp, Mr. S. Manchester
Shaw, Samuel, Esq.
Sherwood, & Co.
Shipley, Mr F. Boston
Shuttleworlh, Itev. Mr. Mitcham
Silver, Mr. Mcplion
Simpson, Mr. William
Simonds, Mr. w. Canterbury
Siiiger,S.\\ .Es(\.\ortii-entt, Fiil/i.
Skinner, Captain, Holyhead
Skrimshire, F., M.D. Peterbro'.
Small, Mr T. \en castle
Smith, Mr. J. Frederick
Smith, Mr. J. I\.
Soramerville, Mr. John
Southee, Mr. J. Cuntirbury
Southgate, J. W. Esq. Cambericell
Standley, Mr. T. Stockport
Steinmetz, W. Esq. Hoincrton
Stevenson, W. Esq, \oruich
Stevenson, W. Esq. for Friend
Storer, Mr.
Stoier, Mr. Fxlward
Stratton, Mr. Richard
Siitt.tby, Mr. William
Snndeiland, E. Esq. Vlverston
SntcliUe, Benjamin, Esq.
Sutton, II. Esq.
Tarbiitt.W illiani Brarkstone, Esq.
Taylor, W. Esq. St. Helens, Dtir.
Taylor, George Watson, Esq.
Taylor, R. Esq. Shot-park, L Iters,
Templeman, I'cter, Esq.
Thistle waite, J. Esq. Manchester
Ihomas, Kev. J. Osleton,fji rej'ord
Thomas, Mr.
Thomas, Mrs. Southampton.
Thompson, Mr. J. Engraver
Thompson, Mr. C. Engrav. Paris
Thompson, Mr. W. \ciicastlc
'J'hompsoii , Mr. J . Xeitcastle Tyne
Thurston, Mr. John, Pcntonvtlle
Timbury, Mr. William
Todd, Mr. York
Tongc, Jlr. Gervaise
Townsend, Mr. James
Townley, Mr. John, Boston
Triphook, Mr. Robert
Turner, W. Esq. Dublin
Vauglian, J. Esq. Penmacn, N.W,
Verhaeghe, V. I'de Geason, G'Aewf
Upham, Mr, Exeter
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Htst of Siutfinitcrg.
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t- Upsher, Joseph, Esq. St. Ives
\ Uttersoii, E. V. Esq.
: Wade, Hobert, Esq.
; Ualker, 1. V^i\.nan's-en(l, NiTrth.
I Walker, Mrs.
; Walnisley, Mr. William
s War Windiis, B. G. Esq. i
i Wolstonholme, Mr. York «
s Wood, G. D. Esq. Manchester
j Wood, Mr. W. Kmniiigton
J Woods, Mr.
J Wo.dley, John, Esq.
;• Wild, .Esq. >
1
i W , K. Esq.
5 Yonng, Mr. Jhomas, \eticastle
X ■\'oiin!;nian, Mr. 1'. If'it/itim
,
X Zanetii, Mr. Manchester
> Haw, Mr. John
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; Matthew, — , Esq. Pnihliiistnn ;
' 1
i Piper, Willinin, Esq. Cumberuell \
^ Vlatt, J. Esij. ;i
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IN A
DIALOGUE
Between
dFatftcr and ^on.
In Vino Veritas.
L O N D O N:
Printed for the Author,
S(anie0 |ducklc 1711.
I ri '
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TO
MICAJAH PERRY, Esq.
AND
Cfjf grateful |*lrmory
OF
THOMAS LANE, Esq.
AND TO
Mr. RICHARD PERRY,
OF
LONDON; MERCHANTS:
THE FOLLOWING
DIALOGUE,
AS
A PEPPER-CORN ACKNOWLEDGMENT,
IS HUMBLY
DEDICATED,
BY
THEIR MOST OBLKiLD,
AND
MOST OBEDIENT SERVANT,
JAiMES I'UCKLE.
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In amicumsuum JACOB UM PUCKLE,
suhseqiientium Dialogorum Authorem:
Distichon.
Quanta seges rerum! parvd patet orhis in urbe;
etpatet in libro, BIBLIOTUECA, tuo.
H. DENSE.
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PREFACE.
I i
Diana's temple, at ephesus, being
burnt that night alexander was
born, one said, 'it was no wonder;
for she was then a gossipping at
pella:' which tully commends as
a witty conceit, and plitarch
condemns as a witless jest. who
then can expect hints of this
nature should, like the manna,
please every palate? if they help
to set youth a thinking,
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To HIS Friend, JAMES PUCKLE,
Author of the following Dialogue:
Distich.
In a small City as the World's display'd;
So in thy Book's large store, a Library's eonvey'd!
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CHARACTERS,
Page
ANTIQUARY 3
BUFFOON -' 6
CRITIC '" 8
DETRACTOR 10
ENVIOSO '- 13
FLATTKRRR " 15
GAMESTKR l?
HYPOCRITE 21
IMPERTINENT — 23
KNAVE 25
LAWYER 27
MOROSO ' 29
NEWSMONGER
OPINIATOR —
PROJECTOR -"
QUACK
RAKE '"
SWEARER
TRA\ELLER --
USURER —
WISEMAN "
XANTIPPE '
Pag©-
' 32
' 34
' 37
' 39
' 41
' 43
' 45
^ 48
' 61
. 53
YOU^H 57
, ZANY, THE ViNTNIiR ' 60
THESE CHARACTERS
BEING MKKELY IXTEiNUED
LET NONE PRETEND TO A KE^ ,
NOR SEEK FOR ANOTHER'S PICTURE,
LEST HE FIND HIS OWN ;
FOR,
qbl VAPIT ILLE FACn.
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A DIALOGUE
BETWEEN
IFAl'IHIIEIE AMB SOM,
"a
HAT made you out so late last
night?
^Olt* Mr. * * * invited
me to his Club, at the Noah's
Ark ; where, in a low room that
stunk like a drunkard's morning-
breath, several sat round the fire complaining of gouts,
dropsies, consumptions, pleurisies, palsies, rheuma-
tisms, catarrhs, &c. till more company coming in,
cried, "To the table, to the table;" where one be-
gan his right-hand man's good-health, over the left
thumb, which having gone round, the next was be-
gun, and so they drank on till each had pledged
every man's health in the room.
^Atf^CV* Many cups, many diseases: too
much oil choaks the lamp Drinking healths,
according to St. Austin,* was invented by Pagans
a DeTem. Ser. 231.
! J
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OI]
Cffi« itUUH.
and Inlidels; who, in their sacrifices, consecrated
them to tlie lionour, name, and memory of Beel-
zebub Supposing health-drinkiug only a Mell-
wishinj^; custom havinc^ made not pledging a kind
of afiVont and wrong to both toaster and toasted,
and fear of offending, carrying Avith it the force,
though not the form, of a constiaiiit. Health-
drinking infringes King Ahasuerus's Royal Law,*"
tends to excess, and is not expedient. . . . But what
followed? For Avine, inunoderately taken, makes
men think themselves Avonderous wise.
^Ott» Most of them became like Solomon's
fool,*^ full of words.
fatter. What was it they said ?
*>0n» Even what came uppermost; for, as
wine laid reason asleep, each gave the reins to his
vanity and folly.
For instance
b i'lsllier i. 8.
" Eccl. X. 12.
D
d
One, afTecting to be thought a mighty Antiquary,
declared hiiiisell" an idolater of ages past; and told
us, that all learning and civility Mere derived down
to us from the Eastern parts of the world; there it
was that mankind arose, and there they first dis-
covered the waj s of li\ ing with safety, convenience,
and delight That the original of astronomy,
geometry, government, and many sorts of manu-
factures which we now enjoy, were justly attributed
to the Assyrians, the Chaldeans, and Egyptians
That the inquisitive, amongst tlie Grecians, travelled
into the East to ripen their own imperlcct concep-
tions; and at their return taught them at home,
with the mixture of fables and ornaments of fancy.
That Orpheus, Linus, Musa-us, and Homer, first
softened men's natural rudeness, and, by the charms
of their numbers, allured them to be instructed by
the severer doctrines of Solon, Thales, and P) tha-
d
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ci^is miuB*
goras That in Greece, the city of Athens was
the general school and seat of education That
Socrates began to draw into some order the con-
fused and obscure imaginations of those that went
before him, and to adapt all parts of philosophy to
the immediate service of the affairs of men, and the
uses of life. . . . That witli the Grecian empire, their
arts also were transported to Rome, where the doc-
trines received from the Greeks were eloquently
translated into the Latin tongue. . . . That he pitied
the ignorance of modern -writers, and scorned to
read any book less than an hundred years old
That he was a great admirer of ancient coins and
manuscripts; Mhich, if effaced, or obliterated by
time, in his opinion, Mere still the more valuable.
By the rest of his discourse, he seemed to esteem
every thing, as Dutchmen do cheese, the better for
being mouldy.
^Htf^tV* Affectation of any kind is lighting
up a candle to our defects, and sIipms want of judg-
ment or sincerity, . . . Allowing tliat the Eg3ptians
excelled in sublime thoughts, the Chaldeans in
sciences, the Greeks in eloquence, and the Romans
in polite style, &c. yet the ancients may have justice
done them, without worshipping them, or despising
the moderns. . . . Antiquity is venerable, and affords
us many heroic examples. We willingly subscribe
to the sense of the ancients in all probabilities, but
not contrary to matters of fact; for antiquity can no
more privilege an error, than novelty prejudice a
truth When Plato, Aristotle, and other m ise
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Grecians travelled into the East, they collected and
brought home many useful arts and secrets; yet
were so far from blindly assenting to all that was
taught them by the priests of Isis and Osiris, as to
ridicule their worshipping dogs, cats, onions, and
crocodiles Why then, without detracting from
what was good in former times, or blindly resigning
up our opinions to the words only of the ancients,
should we not be allowed to distinguish and choose
what to follow?
Aiitiquitas saeculi, juveutus inundi.
Too servile a submission to the books and opinions
of the ancients, has spoiled many an ingenious man,
and plagued the world with abundance of pedants
and coxcombs.
But, go on with your story.
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c;i@i3 (im.wui.
*0n. A Buffoon, skilled in making wr}^ mouths,
mimical gestures, and antic postures, A\as e^er mis-
construing and perverting others' words to a pre-
posterous or filtliy meaning; or showing his parts in
flat insipid quibbles and clinches, jingling of words
or s\ llables in scraps of verses, or senseless rhymes,
and in all the dregs and refuse of wit. ... His talk
M as obscene, his bantering too coarse, too rude, too
bitter, or too pedantic ; out of season, or out of mea-
sure. . . . His jests were malicious, saucy, and ill-
natured, full of slander and gall, striking even at
magistrates, parents, friends, and cases that desened
pity. . . . After speaking, he always laughed first,
and generally alone; and A\hilst he drolled and
scoffed at the false steps of others, Mearied the
company m ith his own At length he met
with his match, \\hich mortified him extremely; for
D
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Buffoon, forsooth, could no more endure to be
out-fooled, than Nero to be out-fiddled.
^♦Itl^f r. Some use their wits as Bravoes -wear
steelettoes, not for defence, but mischief; or, like
Solomon's madman,'' cast fire-brands, an'OMs, and
death, and say, "Am not 1 in sport?" . . . Few men
know when and how to throw out a pleasant word
with such regard to modesty and respect, as not to
transgress the bounds of wit, good nature, or good
breeding. . . , Drolls and Bufl'oons, whilst they think
to make sport for others, commonly become laugh-
ing-stocks themselves, to all, but those who pity
tliem. . . . Scomms and derision unbridle fear, and
make the peasant brave the prince. . . . Augustus
seeing one like himself, asked him, in scoff", if his
mother was never at Rome: the lad answered, No:
but my father was Utter nothing that may
leave any ingrateful impressions, or give the least
umbrage of a spiteful intent. . . . He whose jests
make others afraid of his wit, had need be afraid
of their memory, ... It is more grievous for a man
to be ridiculed, than beaten: contempt pierces to
the quick, and revenge stops at nolliing; it hardens
men into a brutal despising of death, so they may
but see their enemies fall in company.
Hut, go on
^ I'roT. \x>i. lU.
Ml
^On. A Critic, vise enough, in his own conceit,
to correct the Magnificat; pretending to an exqui-
site niceness, censured Cicero for being too verbose,
and Virgil for using rustic language His large
stock of ill-nature, and the malicious pleasure he
took in fault-finding, made him never look on any
thing, but with a design of passing sentence upon it
Plato, he told us, was neither fertile nor copious;
Aristotle, neither solid nor substantial; and Theo-
phrastus, neither smooth nor agreeable Tliat
Voiture was dull, Corneille a stranger to the pas-
sions, Racine starched and afiected, Mohere jejune,
and Boileau little better than a plagiary. . . . That
Shakespear wanted manners, Ben Jonson Mas a
pedant, Congreve a laborious writer, and Garth but
an indifferent imitator of Boileau. . . . That Dryden's
Absalom and Achitophel was a poem wanted vigour
of thought, purity of language, and aptness and
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propriety of expression; nor were many of the eli-
sions to be allowed, or accents and pauses duly ob-
sened, . . . An instance being required; Critticoiie
hung his ears, and fell a cursing his memory.
^Sit^tV* By a Critic, was originally under-
stood a good judge; but now, A^ith us, it signifies
no more than an unmerciful fault-finder: tAvo steps
above a fool, and a great many below a wise man. . . .
The laws of civility oblige us to commend what, in
reason, we cannot blame. Men should allow others'
excellencies, to preserve a modest opinion of their
own It is the distemper of would-be-thought
wits, "with an envious curiosity to examine, censure,
and vilify others' works, as if they imagined it gave
them an air of distinction and authority to regard
them M ith an air of contempt. . . . Disparaging a\ hat
is generally applauded, makes men looked upon as
singular fops, or wretched judges. . , . The famous
Boccalini, in his advertisements Irom Parnassus,
tells us, a Critic, presenting Apollo with a very
severe censure upon an excellent poem, was asked
for the good things in that work: but the ax retch
answering, he minded only its errors; Apollo or-
dered a sack of unwinnoAAcd vlieat to be brought,
and Critic to pick out and take all the chafl" i'or his
pains. . . . ^A'hcn men will talk of others; why not,
like Suetonius, of the twelve Caesars, tell virtues as
well as vices? were our eyes only for spots and
blemishes? But, go on
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CP!I2 CO'llSUB,
*iOn» A splenetic Detractor excellent at mis-
representing, mis-understanding', and mis-interpret-
ing his neiglibour's thoughts, words, and actions;
dealt nuich in malicious insinuations, and in sinister
and covert reflections, uttering his cahnunies and
slanders in such ambiguous words, and half sen-
tences, as left worse to be guessed at than he durst
express, and made it his business to raise false re-
ports; or by repeating others' lies, to adopt them
his own. Usually began his stories with a, 'Tis
whispered; or an, I have heard, 8fc. and never se-
conded a commendation, but merely to smooth the
way to some malicious remarks upon the party's
defects; concluding still with an. Ok, but! or an,
I conld icish one thinij amended; wliich one thing,
he took care, should blur all his former commenda-
tions. . . . When, by tlie party's presence, his tongue
happened to be bound to its good behaviour, his
D
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Q:p!iB mimis.
a
mien, eyes, tone of voice, malicious smiles, myste-
rious silence, or equivocal and i]l-n)caning expres-
sions, discovered the rancour of his envenomed
mind. . . . Wheie he knew nothing of a person, he
would seem to speak riddles, as if he could tell
strange stories if he would; and, after racking his
invention to the utmost, cry. But he is my friend,
and therefore I must hold my "peace He had
ever an invidious eye upon the clergy and men
eminent for virtue, watching their halting; and if
any the least obliquity could be spied, used them
Morse than the vilest malefactors At length
Wiseman asked the difference between smiting
with the sword, and a killing tongue; whereat De-
tractor being dumb-founded, threw down his
club, and left the room.
^SiXX^tV* Think it no part of your business
curiously to search into other men's lives, but nar-
row ly inspect jour own errors : it is nmch better to
mend one fault in yourself, than to lind an hundred
in your neighbour It is a maxim in heraldry,
that all animals born in arms, or ensigns, are to be
interpreted according to their most innocent and
noble qualities; as if a lion be the charge of an
escutcheon, valour and watchfulness is thereby re-
presented, not cruelty and rapine; and if a serpent,
not ^ enom and malice, but wisdom and subtiltj. . . .
Christianity teaches us the same rule in blazoning
our neighbours characters, and Solomon tells us,*^
" He that uttereth a slander is a fool.". . . Yet, alas!
<■ I'rov. X. 13.
L.
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12
ri^l3 (HiUiS.
n
some can no more live a day without calumny and
detraction, than Mithridates coukl \vithout poison:
but, like the looking'-glasses in tlie temple of Smirna,
represent the fairest and best featured face exceed-
ing ugly and defomied; without considering, that,
who sells his neighbour's credit at a low rate, makes
the market for others to buy his omti at the same
price.
" There is a last in man no chaitn can tame,
Of loudly publishing his neii^hbGur's shame;
On eagle's Avings immortal scandals flv,
While virtuous actions are but bom, and die."
One begins a ■whisper, another makes it a report, a
third enlarges it to a dangerous calumny, a fourth
adds somewhat of his own, which is augmented,
and divulged by a thousand. . . . The mischief is,
mankind being apter to believe evil than good; even
doubtful accusations leaA e a stain behind them, and
often prove indelible injuries to the party accused.
Belie\e nothing against another, but upon good au-
thority; neither report what may hurt another, un-
less it be a greater hurt to conceal it.
Go on
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*iOn» A pale, lean, ghastly carcase, quickened
with envy, that would have willingly lost one eye,
so his fellow might lose both, had a tongue so like
Detractor's, his mouth was ever full of obloquy.
His neighbour's welfare, or his own woe, caused the
like sourness in his looks His mind had the
vapours; a sweet report of any would throw him
into convulsions and agonies. . . . Commend a good
divine, he would cry, hypocrisy; a philologer, pcfZon-
fry; a, ipoet, rhyming ; & schoohuan, dtill wrangling;
a sharp conceit, roguishness ; an honest man, plausi-
bility; or indeed conmiend any, but himself, and he
was still furnished with a pish before-hand. . . . The
news of his kinsman's being preferred at court, tor-
mented him extremely; the more it was talked of,
the more malevolent he grew: say M'hat you would,
either the place was not fit for the man, or the man
for the place Mean while that gentleman en-
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Ci^l3 esides false dice, there are several soils of
false boxes. . . . That, supposing both box and dice
fair, Gamesters have the top,P peep,'' eclipse,'
thumbing, ^ &c. . . . That, by long practice, sharpers
can from conveniencies in pockets, caps, sleeves,
rolls of stockings, &c. change cards and dice, with
S Of tliosc are divers sorts, some all sixes, all cinqs, ail
quaters, all travs, all deuces, or all aces: otiiers that have only
two sixes, two cinqs, and two quaters ; and others that are to run
low, have only two trays, two deuces, and two aces.
'' Dice that ha\e all the six faces, vet will run cither aces,
doiucs, or tra_\s, or else quaters, cinqs, or sixes, as they arc high
or low-|iuiscd.
' Dice fiatti r than they are long, to throw trays and quaters.
^ Dice longer than they are Hat, of which sharpers ha\ e several
sorts, whereby they avoid throwing any two numbers they please j
the ends rarely or never coming up.
' Dice made out of square, so as to run high or low at plea-
sure.
'" Dice with their edges polished olf, so as to make them run
high.
" Ditto, so as to make them run low.
" Dice linked together, so as to rattle in the box, yet close
enough to hide the chain ; tliey will only run seven or eleven, or
eight or twelve.
P Securing one die with the fore-linger at the top of the box.
1 Shaking the dice so Ibrward in the box, that bv an apparent
face they know when to clap down, so as to throw the reverse.
■" Securing witU ihc littlc-fingcr a die on the outside of the
box.
» Diito, with the thumb, wlien the person placed «ilh sits ou
(he I i;;lil hand.
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c^is mtma.
a deceptio visus, as nimbly as Juggler's balls from
cup to cup. . . . How strangely infatuated are men,
who, simply committing their games to mere cTiance,
throw away their estates, and entail want upon their
issue, ... It is pity such madmen are not restrained
from ruining their poor innocent wives, children, re-
lations, creditors, dependants, 0n. An Opiniator, so far like Xarcissus, he
doteil more on his own shadow than another's sub-
stance; who knew just enough to excite his pride,
but not so much as to cure his ignorance; boasted
sucli wonderful insight in the mysteries of Art and
Nature, as if he alone had the monopoly of know-
ledge, and that it came into the world and w ould
expire with him He talked much of his pedi-
gree and aims, extolling his ancestors to the skies,
telling their acts with more glory than they did
them; and seemed to fancy himself so iumioveably
fixed upon the pinnacle of Honour, that even Base-
ness itself could not degrade him Every thing
he did, and word he spoke, shewed how intoxicated
he was with self-conceit, though he had not sense
enough to distinguish irony and satirical praise from
sincere and unaffected commendation. . . . Tlie com-
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pany lauglied in their sleeves, but tlioiight it not
worth while to cure his extravagance.
^^atfiev* Some talk high, breathe flashes, and
thunder out big « ords of their pedigree, &c. Others
take as much pains to persuade the world that they
have knowledge, as bullies do that they have courage,
and generally with the same success, for they seldom
deceive any but themselves. . . . Tliere is never a
day wherein a man may not be made miserable : yet
there is no day in which he is not proud, insolent, and
conceited. . . . Bishop Sanderson observes, "Wealth,
honour, strength, beauty, birth, friends, alliance,
authority, power, wit, learning, eloquence, reputa-
tion, any trifle can leaven our thoughts, partial as
they are towards ourselves, and swell us, and heave
us up above our brethren; and because we think we
do over-top thein, we think we may o\ er-look them
too, and despise them as vulgar and contemptible.". . .
St. Paul saith,5 "Who maketh thee to differ from
another? And what hast thou, that thou didst not
receive? Now if thou didst receive it, why dost thou
glory as if thou hadst not recei\ed it?" ... It is not
birth, M'it, riches, or great employments, but the right
use of them in the discharge of his duty to God, him-
self, and neighbour, makes the m orthy man. ... To
the descendants of noble families, where the spirits
have been rarified by virtue and industry, and the
blood holds its tincture, as it usually does, through
successive generations, our best devoirs are due:
y 1 Cor. iv. 7.
d
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r?i?i3 miuu.
But what is nobility itself, if not accompanied with
real goodness? The honour paid such as usurp their
ancestors' arms, without inheriting their virtues, be-
longs to them no more than the reverence the good
man did to Isis belonged to the ass that carried her
image.
Go on
' — I I
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^Olt. An old man that, upon entering the room,
seemed to want bread, was no sooner filled with wine,
but boasted the being a Projector from his cradle;
and told us, that he had by him scores of rare projects
in posse, esse, and Juturo. . . . That he could extract
volatile spirits from lees of wine, grounds of beer, or
dust of tea; one drop whereof would turn a quart of
water into the best wine, beer, or tea, for colour, taste,
smell and wholesomeness, upon earth. . . . That he
could separate the smells of all the different viands
usually dressed in a cook's shop, and thereout ex-
tract salts of beef, veal, mutton, pork, &c. one grain
whereof would strengthen and nourish a man more
than a pound of any of those sorts of meats. . . That,
to save watermen the labour of rowing against tide,
he had contrived to make the Thames continually ebb
one side, and flow on the other. . . . That he was an
adept, could fix mercury, and transmute lead into
d-
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Ci^li (tUU^.
La;
gold. . . . All wliich pi-ojects he intended to divide
into shares, and put in practice, as soon as only one
hundred thousand pounds vvere subscribed and ad-
vanced him. ... At this rate he made ropes of sand,
biiilt castles in the air, and talked as if capable of
benefiting mankind more than the invention of spec-
tacles, though never yet obliged the world Avith any-
thing so useful as a mouse-trap.
^iltl^Cr. Many Projectors seem, like those
astrologers that can direct others to find hidden
treasure, whilst themselves are out at heels, and
want repairs at elbows It is owned, that the
benefit accruing to Spain b}- Columbus's discovery
of the West Indies: to the Italians, by procuring
the eggs from China and Persia, and raising silk-
worms in Italy: to England, from Sir Walter Ra-
leigh's contrivance of raising tobacco and sugar in
our plantations, will not allow us rashly to condemn
all projects. . . Vet, had vou Argus's eyes, Briareus's
hands, and Pluto's heknet, still great adventures are
like leaps in hunting, they bring a man sooner into
the chace, but may chance to cost him a fall
Remember Icarus, by flying too high, melted his
waxen wings and fell into the sea. Advise, delibe-
rate, weigh, examine, consider what is practicable,
and what is not, and compute the proportion bet^ een
the means and the end; lest, too eagerly pursuing
things out of \our reach, you consume your life in
hopeless and fruitless undertakings. . . "N^'ho ploughs
the clouds, can only reap the wind.
Go on
^On. A Quack, with a supercilious brow, ebony
cane, and band in querpo, whose learning consisted
much in superscriptions of apothecaries gallipots,
and in names of diseases learned from m eekly Bills
of Mortality, styled himself Student in Astrology
and Physic; talked much of panaceas, nostrums,
and catholicons; and told us, that he had read over
C r's and S n's Translations, and lately
discovered chalk to be an alkali, vinegar an acid, and
wine an hypnotic. . . . That of all odours, he liked the
smell of u best; and was so far like Vespatian,
he held no gain unsavoury. . . . Tliat he understood
some Greek: "For instance," quoth he, " ephydrosis
is sweating; ■phlehotomia, opening a vein; and eii-
terenchyta, a clyster-pipe. . . . That amputation was
a most admirable cure for warts and corns. . . . That
he was skilled in physiognomy, metoposcopy, and
chiromancy : and extremely well versed in all Je we
I L-i
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C|^I2 it^mi3.
scny quay's, and occult qualities. . . . That, by erect-
ing astrological schemes, he could resolve all ques-
tions in physic:
' Ami make liis Patient's stars confess,
Like tools, and eliililren, what he please.'
Nay, that by sigils, charms, and talismans, he could
cure distempers, even at nine miles distance." ....
For a further account of his abilities, he referred us
to the public advertisements, where we might find
his most noble smelling bottle for the head, his crystal
cosmetic for the face, his royal chymical wash-ball
for hands; his essentia vitce, a rich cordial for the
ladies; and his purging sugar-plums for children.
^atf^CV* Brown, in his Amusements, tells us
indeed of transfusing the blood of an ass into an As-
trological Quack. . . Such block-heads, with their for-
midable bombast, are the oracles of those that want
sense, and plague of them that have it. . . . Labour
to prevent diseases by temperance, sobriety, and ex-
ercise; but, if sickness comes, never go to Empyrics
for physic. ... To take their prescriptions is next to
wilful murder; th(! most sovereign remedy they can
afford a patient, is their absence.
But, proceed - -
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^01t» A Rake, that never opened his moutli but
to affront Christianity, civil society, decency, or good
manners; after punishing our ears with the filthy
history of his debauchery and excess, still laughing
whilst he repeated his sins, as if extremely tickled at
the remembrance of them, began to inveigh against
marriage; and told us, that pride and fear made
maids presene some measures; but, as for married
women, he never found any cruel enough to deny
him in good earnest. . . . That none ever praised
matrimony, but, as men do good mustard, with tears
in their eyes. . . . For that,
" The bane of all pleasuie, and luggage of life,
Was the best could be said of a verj- good wife."
That the most honey-sweet enjoyment sours with
standing; and time always made wedlock tiresome,
if not loathsome: all which he uttered with such con-
fidence, as shewed him vain enough to think himself
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ci^is ar^uB.
heard with pleasure. ... At length, Wiseman ask-
ing Rake if his mother was ever married, set all
the company a laughing.
;^HV^tY» Companions of harlots sow on the
sand, mingle vital blood with corruption, and reap
diseases, hatred, shame, poverty, and death. . . . In-
temperance and sensuality debase men's minds ; clog,
and make their spirits gross and unactive; sink us
dowu uito sense, and unfit us for the most noble and
intellectual considerations Every vain person
hath some weak side or other, whereby he exposeth
the ridiculousness of his humour : but, that a wretch
shonld pride himself in his execrable iniquity, in
bearing up against the laws of God and man, and
affect a reputation by it, in proportion to the mea-
sure of his extravagance, is wonderful. . . IVor is it
less amazing, to see how ready the malice of the
world is to help the brutality of those that throw
out slovenly reports upon fair ladies. . . . Beware of
debauchees, and smutty and immodest discourse,
songs, books, pictures, intemperance in meat and
drink, and what else may add fuel to your lust: a
dishonest love put all Greece in arms, and its flames
reduced to ashes the fairest city in Asia. . . A well-
bred man never gives himself the liberty to speak ill
of women; much less to rail against marriage, which
was God's first ordinance, confirmed by Christ's first
miracle, and is honourable, holy, pure and chaste; but,
" Whoremongers and adulterers God will judge."*
Go on
' Heb. xiii. 14.
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(t- ^ M ^K*-M
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a«^^ ^
^01t» One that had such a habit of swearing,
truth and lies were uttered by him with an equal
aflirmation ; no sooner entered the Club, but rapped
out a full-mouthed oath. Whereupon, quoth Wise-
man, "Other sins seem to afford pleasure or profit;
but, according to the divine Herbert,
'Were I an Epicure, 1 could 'bate swearing."
Swearer. D me, Sir, it is only a cus-
tom: I mean no harm by it.
Wiseman.
" Weak is tli' excuse that is on custom built,
'llie use of sinning lessens not the guiit."
The Third Commandment is, "Thou shalt not take
the name of the Lord thy God in vain;" for
Swearer. No canting, I beseech you, Sir: I
sM'ear only as the readiest way to be believed.
Wiseman. Sophocles said, " Oaths do not
credit men, but men their oaths." . . . One of God's
J i
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cjtjjs cuetii.
judgments against Swearers is, that the number of
their oaths discredit even tlie truth they would per-
suade. . . . Over-earnest asseverations give men sus-
picion, that the speaker is conscious of his own
falsities.
Swearer. P — take me if I can tell when
I swear, and when I do not.
Wiseman. It is a bad symptom when excre-
ments are voided w itliout the Patient's knowledge.
Swearer. Rot s\-mptoms, how can I help it?
Wiseman. Fast and pray.
Swearer. Ha, ha, ha, I do neither.
Wiseman. I am sorry for it; there is little
hope of a soul that lies speechless. So, throwing
down his club, Wiseman conveyed a paper into
Youth's hand, and withdrew.
;f^SLtf^tV» He that profanely swears, or prates
dishonourabl} of sacred things, demonstrates himself
to be an ill-bred clown. Such language grates the
ears of good men, and forces them to quit the place,
as the Israelites did the tents of Korah, Dathan,
and Abiram. Proceed
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b
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ci^is amm^.
^Ott, One, that, after travelling seven years, was
returned well versed in the amorous smirk, the ala-
mode grin, the antic bow, and the newest fashion
ogle, cringe, shrug, &c. and could cough and spit
in set form, and not like the vulgar; began to blazon
cities, as if he had been their herald: telling us,
Constantinople was the storehouse of Greece, Paris
the metropolis of France, Venice the eye of Italy,
Florence the seat of beauty, and Rome the lady-
city, whose impress was Orbis in urbe; nevertheless,
he preferred Heidelbergh far before them all, for in
it was a great tun, which contained eight hundred
hogsheads of wine, . . . Tlien he told us,
Germans drink
French sing
Spaniards sigh
Italians sleep
That a furemo in Rome, an adesso in Italy, a mag-
That the
away grief.
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^mis Chap. 13.
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the market, cried, " How uiucli is here 1 Jo not
want?" . . . Coveting wliat we need not, takes from
us the true use and fruition of what we ah-eady have.
Nil niinluni cuplto.
Desire no greater riches than such as you may get
justly, use soberl^^ distribute cheerfully, and leave
contentedly. . . He is rich enough that needs neither
flatter nor borrow, and truly rich that is satisfied :
want lies in desire.
But, give the character of the WiSEMAN
you mentioned i
: 'Z]
L_.
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a
^On* His countenance was full of mildness and
courtesy, his eyes more smiling than his mouth; his
discourse gi-ave and sober, words smooth and proper,
distinctly uttered, with due respect to time, place and
person. . . . His religion was legible in the innocency
of his life, the exactness of his morals, integrity and
truth of his words, and the justice and honesty of
his conversation. . , . He abstained from offending, as
if none ever pardoned ; yet pardoned, as if he daily
offended. . . . His passions he made servants to his
reason and rehgion; and if they rebelled, first con-
cealed, and then suppressed their mutiny. . . . He
generally spoke little, saw others' tempers without
discovering his own; yet, when occasion served,
shewed his silence proceeded neither from affecta-
tion nor weakness: for by running back to ages
past, and recovering events out of memory, and
then preventing time in flying forward to future
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things, and comparing one with the other, he would
give a verdict, well near prophetical; yet was so free
from vanity he could bear interruption patiently. . .
Such was his prudence, and so exact his judgment,
as to discern betwixt pride and greatness, reUgion
and superstition, quickness and rashness, government
and tyranny, liberty and licentiousness, subjection
and sen'itude, covetousness and frugality, &c. and
give to every cause its proper actions and effects. . .
He drank wine, as sick men take physic, merely for
health. . . Reason was his rule, conscience his coun-
sellor, and his actions were ever contrary to those
he found fault with. . . Age rendered him neither
morose nor imperious. His knowledge influenced
and tempered his mind with all the humanity, good-
ness, calmness, strength and sincerity of a sound and
unaffected philosopher: and made his conversation
so affable, pleasant and instructive; young and old
both deUghted and profited in his company.
" Tliougb deep, yet clear ; though gentle, yet not dull :
Strong, without rage; without o'erflowing, full."''''
The scholar and the gentleman were so perfectly
united, no critic could find the least distinction. . . .
The approach of death terrified him not : he seemed
to fear recoiling back to childishness, more than to
dust.
jFa^tl^f l\ Solomon says, •' He that walks with
Wisemen shall be wise; but a companion of fools
shall be destroyed."" Proceed
'•'' Denham. cc Prov. xiii. 20.
--4 D
^011* On a sudden the door flew open, and in
bolted Xantippe, Newsmonger's wife: the knit-
ting of her brow, like a bur about the moon, pre-
saged a storm, and, upon sight of her husband, she
thus began: "It is well, it is well, incorrigible
wretch, is this the amends for last night's work!
My fortune, alas! is spent and gone; you are over
head and ears in debt, and have me and three poor
innocent babes to maintain : yet, if any fool will sit
and hear you talk news or nonsense, you will treat
him all day, though forced to go a tick for the
reckoning, and I and your children feed, as usually,
upon brewers' grains. When drunk, you set up for
a politician ; yet are very talkative, and possessed
with such a spirit of contradiction, as frequently
engages you in bitter expensive quarrels and law-
suits: witness three plaisters upon your head, and
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my poor wedding-ring and best petticoat in pawTi
for forty shillings, borrow ed last year to pay your
Attorney's bill. At inidniglit you reel home as
peevish as a sick monkey; and, uhen in bed, only
hawk, spit, spawl, hick-up, belch, spew, or worse,
'till asleep; and then the neighbours are disturbed
with your snoring. In the morning you are troubled
with as many qualms as a breeding woman, 'till a
gill of brandy in a quart of purl has fetched the
water, as you call it, off your stomach. Then, to
avoid duns, you sneak to some distant tavern, where
a pint of white, for a whet, sets you in for all day:
thus you are always idle, or ill employed. Consider,
wretch, consider, he that has children, his loaf is not
all his own ; and he that spends more than his own,
is a thief. But, why do I waste my breath in vain?
I might as well attempt with sober words to draw
the frog from his ditch, as confine a sot within the
limits of his duty."
Newsmonger. Gentlemen, my Wife's tongue,
like a sick man's pulse, always moves, but ever out
of order.
Xantippe. "Wine has put your head out of
order.
Newsmonger.
" Wine whets the wit, improves its native force ;
And adds a pleasant flavour to discourse."
"Right," quoth Xantippe, clapping her fists,
" you have set your wits so often upon that whet-
stone, all its steel is worn out. Come, come home,
you drunken sot, come home."
PJ
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cajc casuB.
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Newsmonger. Nay, fie, be not angry, child;
it will make you look old.
Xantippe. I find wine, as well as age, will
make a man a child. Come home, you drunken
sot, come home.
Newsmonger. An echo will sooner let a man
have the last word than a scold; but when, with the
clock, my wife has given the last stroke, you hear
she keeps a jarring, muttering to herself for a good
while after, with a " Come home, you drunken sot,
come home : come home," &c.
Xantippe. Your wife is too good for you,
unless you were better.
Newsmonger. Too good! I think it is too
good: Look in the glass, Madam, and you will see
a scolding Zipporah, a jeering Michal, a stingy Pe-
ninnah, a sullen Vashti, a provoking Miriam, and a
revengeful Herodias, all in one.
Xantippe. I am sure, who looks in your
face, will see an ill father, an ill master, an ill hus-
band, and an arrant drunkard, all in one.
Newsmonger. Now, Gentlemen, the spirit
begins to move her again, Then falling a laugh-
ing, it set him a coughing and disgorging in abund-
ance. . . . Drawers being called, cleansed the room,
and helped Xantippe to lead Newsmonger
home.
^f^iltf^tV* The Brachmans'*'^ begin their care of
mankind, even before the birth, employing much
thought and diligence about the diet and entertain-
^^ Indian pliilosoiiliers.
□
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CI^IS miMB.
p
ment of their breeding women, so far as to furnish
them with pleasant imaginations, to compose their
minds and their sleep with the best temper, during
the time they carry their burthen. . . What a shame
is it, any that call themselves Christians should, by
their excess, half kill their children before they are
born, and entail hereditary infirmities and diseases
upon their posterity. . . . The husband that expects
his wife faithful, obedient, quiet, thrifty, and to de-
light in her duty; should be mild, chaste, sober, in-
dustrious and provident. . . . The father that hopes
for honour, reverence and gratitude, must provide
his son food, instruction and correction. . . The mas-
ter that desires his servants faithful, diligent and
silent; must be neither too severe, too familiar, nor
let them be privy to his secrets But common
drunkards neglect duty to wife, children and ser-
vants, and by idleness, carelessness, luxury, and
vain expense, impiously expose and betray their
family to want and beggary. . . . Xantippe's story
is a dismal instance ; but pleasures, like Judas, whilst
they kiss, they betiay : after drinking, will come a
reckoning. Belshazzar's feast ended in terror.
But, still you tell me nothing of the
Youth that was flattered.
d
I^Ott* The mushroom Squire sat at the upper end
of the table, accoutred with a large muff, long pe-
ruke, dangling cane, sword, snuff-box, diamond-ring,
picktooth-case, silk handkerchief, &c. all of the
newest fashion: and, after Wiseman, his uncle,
was gone, fell a telling what each of them cost, and
that, thank his stars, he had a plentiful estate, and a
heart to enjoy it. . . He frequently laughed, even at
serious matters, to show his white teeth; threw back
his wig to discover the fine ring in his ear, and
looked what's a clock to show his gold watch. . . .
He had seen but the outside of the world and men,
and conceived of them according to their apparent
glitter. . . He delighted much in broad and obscene
wit, and hissed at any thing too deep for him. . . .
He was always wanting v hat he had not, and grew
sick on it when he had it, the levity of youth pushing
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him on from one vain desire to another, in a regular
vicissitude and succession of craving and satiety. . .
He was rash and inconsiderate, neither consulting
the reason or nature of things, but w holly abandoned
himself to the transports of passion and appetite. . .
He loved and hated with the same inflammation ; and
when the heat was over, was cool enough to friends
and enemies.
^SLtf^tV* Some fops measure their deserts by
the bulk of their estates; others pretend to good
breeding, for being well dressed and equipaged, and
assert a claim to brains, for their accuracy in modes
and fashions, though at the same time their manners
are corrupted, and minds infected Finery and
expences above a man's rank, provoke envy, satire,
and slander, and is the ready road to poverty and
want. . . . From a boy to a man, is the most hazard-
ous step in the whole course of life. . . . Youth, being
guided by sense, nature and passion, is indiscreet,
hot, outrageous, head}, violent, vain, inconstant and
unsettled: for the sense being easily tired with the
enjoyment of its objects, and the soul made for some-
thing better, not finding satisfaction in things sensi-
ble, conceives a fastidiousness of the present, and
desire to change : so that, considering how ungovern-
able the passions and sallies of youth are, when
licensed and indulged, what swarms of caprices and
fancies invest tliis season of life, which would wither
in the embryo, unless enlivened with wealth, which
hatches and fledges the chimeras; it is a real hard-
ship for a young man to be trusted with himself and
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his estate, before those years that give maturity to
his reason and judgment " The prosperity of fools
shall destroy them."*^" .... When young Phaetons
rule the day, destruction comes before night.
But, go on
« « I'lov. i. 32.
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1 .^ifi^^fi^^^^^giNj^ii^^j^^iia^^^aMlfe !
1
1 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^H^^^^^-^n^K^KJiHff
j
1 fi'On. About twelve, Flatterer taking up all '
the money left on the table, whispered Youth to i
slip out and discharge the reckoning, which he did. i
Soon after, in came Zany, the Alntner, with an, j
"All is paid:" and, "You are welcome, Gentlemen; |
■will you please to accept of my bottle T . . . "By no j
means,"' quoth Flatterer, "unless jou will score
it; for it is the Squire's birth-day, and he shall pay
all to-night. . . Therefore, come Zany, first a bum- j
per, bis health, and then a song." . . . Zany drinks
and sings:
" If any so wise is,
Tliat wine he despises,
Let him drink small beer, and be sober ;
Whilst we drink claret, sing
Like birds in the Spring,
He shall droop like the trees in October.
1
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But be snre over night.
If this dog do you bite.
You take it henceforth for a warning ;
Soon as out of your bed,
To settle your head,
Take a hair of his tail in the morning."
Then Squire entertained us Avith the history of
liis dog's and horses, giving us each of their pedi-
gree, with all the exactness of a Welsh herald. . . .
After which Zany mimicked a gifted brother, which
brought the clergy upon the table. . . . And one mis-
liked our Doctor's last Sunday's text, another his
method, a third his style, a fourth his voice, a fifth
his memory; there he was too elaborate, here too
loose; that point he might have enlarged, contracted
this ; he might have been plainer here, shewed more
learning there: that observation was obvious, that
exposition forced, that proof impertinent, that illus-
tration common, that exhortation needless, that re-
proof unseasonable; such an argument he rather
escaped than defeated; there he whipped himself
with the knot he just before tied, &c.
^iltf)tX\ What pity it is, that good men's
exhortations, in moving strains of pious eloquence,
should be so trodden down by such way-side hearers."
But, to Festus, St, Paul's preaching seemed mad-
ness. ^^. . . The Prophet Jeremiah himself had those
that watched for his halting. '"'' . . . The Church is the
pool, where the Angel uses to come and move the
waters; and where they that diligently attend, may
f Luke vlii. 5. ee Acts xxvi. 24. ''*' Jer. x.
^ p=- j b
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meet with an opportunity of being healed. . . . ^^lien
you enter God's house, consider his more immediate
presence in places set apart for his sendee, and pray
against spiritual blindness, prejudice in opinion, wan-
dering and profane thoughts, and being a captious
hearer, lest you grieve the holy spirit, and give the
de^dl an opportunity of turning the best antidote into
the strongest poison.
What followed?
Jl^Ott* Impertinent made as bold with some
passages in the Bible, as others had done with the
Doctor.
^Htf^tV* The Holy Scriptures are able to
make you wise unto salvation, through faith in Jesus
Christ." . . . Read God's Book with humility, and a
desire to know and learn, without questioning its
truth; the things therein that cannot be compre-
hended by blind reason, are subjects to exercise our
faith, . . . We lose much of the benefit, might other-
wise be gathered from reading the Bible, by our
vain curiosity, and pretending to nice disquisitions
of difficult points. But, what next?
^Otl* Rake fell a ridiculing all religion, and
said, it looked liker a trade or contrivance of state,
than a divine inspiration.
^tttl^Ct** It is by degrees that men arrive at
the horrid impiety of deriding religion: first, they
are corrupted by bad counsel and company, which
the Psahnist elegantly expresses, by walking in the
counsel of the ungodly. ^^ .... Next, they habituate
*' 2 Tim. iii. 15. ^^ Psal. i. 1.
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themselves to their vicious practices, which is, stand-
ing in the way of sinners And then, at last,
they take up and settle in a contempt of all religion,
which is, sitting in the seat of the scornful. . . . The
supposition, that religion is a contrivance of state,
grants the opinion of a God to conduce very much
to the support of government and order in the
world, and consequently to be so very beneficial to
mankind, that it is their interest to punish all those
who would seduce men to Atheism, as the great
disturbers of the world and pests of human society.
But, if religion be only an arcanum imperii, a secret
of government to propagate the belief of a God
among the people; how is it that histories of all
ages show that princes have not been more secure
from troubles of conscience, and the fears of re-
ligion, and the terrors of another world, than other
men; what else made Caligula creep under the bed
when it thundered? What made Tiberius, that great
master of the crafts of government, complain so
much of the grievous stings and lashes he felt in
his conscience? What made Cardinal Wolsey, that
great minister of state in our own nation, to pour
forth his soul in these sad words, "Had I been as
diligent to please my God, as I have been to please
my king, he would not have forsaken me in my grey
hairs!" What reason for such actions and speeches,
if these great men had known that religion was but
a cheat? But if they knew nothing of this secret,
it is reasonable to conclude that the notion of a God
did not come from the court; that it was not the
d
invention of politicians, and a juggle of state to
cozen the people into obedience.
But, \vhat next?
^On» Quack declared liimself of Aristotle's ;
opinion, that not only the matter, but also the frame j
of the Morld is eternal, and that, as to the main, it
was always, as it is, of itself, and that tliere has been \
from all eternity a succession of men and other crea-
tures, without any first cause of their being.
jFSLf^CV* Universal tradition and the most
ancient history agree, that, contrary to Aristotle's
doctrine, the world did beg^n, and should have an
end. Aristotle himself acknoAvledges, that there
was anciently such a tradition concerning the be-
ginning of the world; for, he says expressly," that
all the philosophers that were before him did hold
that the world was made : and it is observable, that
wherever learning and civil arts have come, this
tradition concerning the beginning of the world hath
been most vigorous, and asserted with the gi-eatest
cleaiTiess and confidence. . . . The several parts of
V hich the world consists being, so far as by those
parts of it which we know, we can possibly judge
of the rest, in their nature corruptible; it is more
than probable that, in an infinite duration, this frame
of things would long since have been dissolved;
especially, if, as the Atheist affirms, there be no
superior Being, no wise and intelligent principle to
repair and regulate it, and to prevent those innu-
merable disorders and calamitous accidents, which
" DeCculo, 1. i.e. 10.
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must in so long a space, in all probability, have
happened to it. . . Is it not very natural to conceive,
that every thing which is imperfect, as the world
and all the creatures in it must be acknowledged in
many respects to be, had some cause which pro-
duced it, such as it is, and determined the bounds
and limits of its perfection ?
But, what next?
^Oll* MoROSo dissented from Quack, and
asserted that Epicurus was in the riglit, and the
matter of m hich the world is constituted to be eter-
nal, and of itself, and then an infinite empty space
for the infinite little parts of this matter, which he
called atoms, to move and play in; and that these
being always in motion, did, after infinite trials and
encounters, without any counsel or design, and with-
out the disposal and contrivance of any wise and
intelligent Being, at last, by a lucky casualty, en-
tangle and settle themselves in tliis beautiful and
regular form of the Morld, which we now see; and
that the earth being at first in its full vigour and
fruitfulness, did then bring forth men and all other
sorts of living creatures, as it does jjlants now.
J^iltf^tX* As to Epicurus' atoms, how c^n
mere matter, which is void of sense and miderstand-
ing, produce any thing that has sense, understand-
ing and liberty?. . , Can any thing be more un-
reasonable, than obstinately to impute an eflect to
chance, vhich carries in the very face of it all the
arguments and characters of a wise design and con-
trivance ? . . . Will chance fit means to ends, and that
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in ten thousand instances, and not fail in any one?
How often might a man, after he had jumbled a set
of letters in a bag, fling them out upon the ground
before they woiild fall into an exact poem; yea, or
so much as make a good discourse in prose? And
may not a little book be as easily made by chance,
as this great volume of the world?. . . Is any thing
more ridictilous, and against all reason, than to
ascribe the production of men to the first fruitful-
ness of the earth, without so much as one instance
and experiment in any age, or history, to coun-
tenance so monstrous a supposition? The thing is
at first siglit so gross and palpable, that no discourse
about it can make it more apparent. . . ^Ve see this
vast frame of the world, and an innumerable multi-
tude of creatures in it, all ^^hich we, ^ho believe a
God, attribute to hun, as the author of them. For
a Being supposed of infinite goodness, and wisdom,
and power, is a very likely cause of those things ;
what more likely to make this vast world, to stretch
forth the heavens, and la}' the foundation of the
earth, and to fonu these and all things in them of
nothing, than infinite power? What more likely to
communicate being, and so many degrees of happi-
ness, to so many several sorts of creatures, than in-
finite goodness? "^Vhat more likely to contrive this
acbnirable liame of the universe and all the creatures
in it, each of them so beautiful in their kind, and
all of them so fitted to each other and to the whole,
than infinite council and wisdom? .... The account
then \\hich the Scripture gives of the existence of
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the Morld, is the most credible and agreeable to the
reason of mankind. . . . From the general consent of
mankind that there is a God, it seems very evident
that God himseli' has wrought llie apprehension and
image of himself on the mind of man, and so m oven
it into the very frame of his being; that, like Phi-
dias' picture in Minena's shield, it can never totally
be defaced, without the ruin of human nature. . . .
Should it be objected, that the universal consent of
mankind in the apprehension of a God, is no more
an argument that he really is, than the general
agreement of so many nations for so many ages in
the worshipping of many gods, is an argument that
there are many. ... It is answered, that the gene-
rality of the philosophers and wjsemen of all nations
and ages did dissent from the nmltitude in these
things : they believed but one supreme Dcitj^ which,
with respect to the various benefits men received
from him, had several titles bestowed upon him;
and although they did servilely comply with the
people in worshipping God by sensible images and
representations, yet it appears by their w ritings, that
they despised this way of worship as superstitious,
and unsuitable to the nature of God; so that Poly-
theism and Idolatry are far from being able to pre-
tend to universal consent from their having had the
vote of the multitude in most nations for several
ages together, because the opinion of the vulgar
separated from tlie consent and approbation of the
wise, signifies no more than a great many c\phers
□
a
would do without figures. . . Read Archbishop Til-
lotson's Sermons against Atheism.
But, at present, tell me what followed ?
^Oll* Some began to belie Lords' acquaintance,
others Ladies' favours, most boasting of their excess
in wine and A^omen, which ushered in a filthy mess
of ribaldry; one telling us, that
Jfiltl^fr* Hold, hold, I will hear none of it;
smutt\^ and inmiodest discourse is an intolerable
nideness, ever to be avoided, both in sound and
signification.
"All dial's obscene doth ahvavs give offence,
And want of decency, is want of sense."
What followed?
*>0n» By this time, according to the difierent
dispositions of each body, the wine produced various
effects on their minds: some became sleepy as dor-
mice, others as full of tricks as apes; some bold as
lions, others fearful as hares; some haughty as harts,
others fawning as cur-dogs; some cunning as foxes,
others silly as asses; some wanton as goats, others
filthy as swine.
^Htf^CV* No wonder young Cyrus refused to
drink ^\^ne, and told Astiages he thought it to be
poison, for he saw it metamorphose men into beasts
and carcasses. Go on
*Ott» Zany, who always drank bumpers, fell
a hollowing: How -now, how-no w, yo~e, yoel, here,
come yoel, hey, come away, hey, eux, heux boys,
vaux, vaux little rogues, vaux, vaux, maintain -it
Jowler, hold-it Sweetlips, that, that, that, that, that.
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who— e, hallo— e, &c. . . . This dog-language delight- !
ing the Squire, he clapped his fist to his mouth, and I
sounded the mort of a fox, with, a tone, tavon, i
tavon, tavon: tone tavon, tavon, &c. . . . Then call- !
ing for fidlers, swore he Avould be as merry all night
as London boys at a bonfire. . . Whereupon MoROSO
fell a singing:
" Musicians arc lialf-wittcd, mei-ry and mad,
And so are all those that admire tlieni ;
Tlicv'rc fools ir thev phiv, unless they're well paid,
And others are blockheads that hire them."
Which Squire taking as an afli'ont, words arose, and
MoROSO gi^ing the lie. Squire threw a bottle at
his head, which compliment being returned with a
candlestick, and some taking one's part, and some
the other's, in an instant the lights were out, and
such a fray ensued, as made me think of the Turkish
proverb :
"There is a devil in every grape."
Mr. * « * immediately hauled me into the next
room, saying, " Who perishes in needless danger is
the devil's martyr." . . . Tlie dark, instead of ending
the fight, encreased their fury, and set every man's
hand against his fellows: glasses, bottles, candle-
sticks, chairs, stools and jordans were converted into
weapons, and none escaped unhurt except Flat-
terer, who being terribly frighted crept under the
table, and screamed out, Murder, Murder. . . Where-
upon the Drawers calling, Watch, Watch, the con-
stable and his myrmidons entering with lights, put
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an end to the fray. . . . Surgeons being sent for, and
wounds dressed, Mr. Constable proposed a recon-
cilement; but finding parties too hot, sent them to
cool in the Compter.
^atf)f r» It is terrible to see men come from
drinking, as from a battle, wounded and bound up.
But, Bacchus ad anna vocat, the furies -were ever
said to bear a part in Bacchus' orgies. . . . The quick
motion of the spirituous particles in the nerves, ren-
ders objects vertiginous and false; and men in drink
less apprehensive of bodily hurt and danger; and
salt meats and strong drinks turn nourishment into
choler, and make men fierce as tigers. . . E\ ery cup
too much is a step towards opening Pandora's box,
and letting out all distempers of body and mind. . .
No lust, no sin, but finds the dnnikard disarmed and
senseless, and enters with the first assault. . . If our
head be tipsy, our eyes will be wanton, our mouth
an open sepulchre, our hands ready to stab, our feet
swift to shed blood: in short, all our members at
the devU's senice, to become weapons of unrighte-
ousness, to conunit all manner of sin with greedi-
ness The Drunkard ^nll rail at God's anointed
with Nabal, commit adultery with Ilolofernes, in-
cest with Lot, murder his friend with Alexander, his
only son with Cambyses, his dear father and mother
with Philopater, and blaspheme with Belshazzar:
in a word, drunkenness may be called a breach of
ever}- one of the Commandments, because it disi-
posetli men to break them all. . . But w hilst drunken-
j ness and surfeits are at the table, judgment is oft at
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the thresliolcl The drunkard, like that lunatic
(Matt. xvii. 15,) falls oft' times into the fire, and oft'
into the water, he is oft' overtaken in the very act of
sin, without having time left for repentance. . . AVhen
Amnon's heart was merry with wine, he was slain at
his brother Absalom's feast."™. ... As Elah, King
of Israel, was drinking himself drunk at Tirzah,
Zimri, his servant, conspired against him, and slew
him.""
^OH, How much may a man drink without
being a drunkard ?
^Htf^tV* Anacharsis saith, "The vine beareth
three grapes, the first of pleasure, the second of
drunkenness, the third of misery and misch-ef." . . .
Some call the first draught a cup of necessity, the
second of alacrity, the third of wantonness, the fourtli
(and all beyond) madness It is certain, the ends
of drinking are digestion, cheerfulness, refreshing
our spirits, and preserving our health. . . . When
these are answered, appetite ceases, and we find a
saturity, which he that exceeds may be called a
drunkard. ... He also is a drunkard, who drinks
too much for his purse and calling, health, and quiet
of body and mind.
S'Ott* Suppose a man happens into company,
would you have him singular? — Pointed at for a
precisian, 0t1» Admit I happen into great company, is
it not better to take a cup too much, than give of-
fence ?
^tltfjCr* Can he that fears offending, wliilst
sober, be sure not to offend when the company is
grow n captious, and himself drunk and insolent. . .
Lot, v\hen overcome with wine, lost all regard to
decency and honour; and, in his drink, even Noah
behaved himself unseemly.
^Olt. Suppose I drink to prevent quarreling?
jFiltl^f r» ^^'e must not do evil that good may
come on it. . . . How many, by one single act of in-
temperance, ha^ e forfeited their lives and estates,
ruined their posterity, and, without the infinite
mercy of God, damned their souls to eternity. . . .
"Whereas, by sobriety, men shut up their davs like
a lamp, only by a pure consumption of the radical
moisture, « ithout grief or pain.
5'Olt* Suppose a man frequents taverns to seek
business ?
^Htf^CV, Like Akhymists in quest of the
philosopher's stone, he will ^aste money and life
to no advantage. ... It is diligent attendance and
careful dispatch, not haunting taverns, begets busi-
ness and credit.
^On* But some drink to fuddle their chapman,
that they may drive the better bargain.
"» Exod. xxiii. 2.
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^Atf^tt* By such felonious intent they add
injustice to intemperance.
ll^On* Suppose I drink to pass away time?
J^SLtf^tV* Man's time makes the richest part
of the pubUc treasure : every hour mispent is a kind
of robbing our country. . . . Time and talents are to
be accounted for; " The unprofitable servant was
ordered to be cast into utter darkness." pp
^On* Peradventure a man drinks for pleasure?
^SLtf^tV* Gnats that sport in the light, gene-
rally perish in the candle. . . The Italians say,
" Malcdetto ii solazzo,
Che fa rijuoino pazzo."
A curse of tlie pleasure tliat makes a man a fool.
Pleasure that impairs our abilities, that brings detri-
ment and sorrow afterwards, was laughed at by Epi-
curus himself. . . . Now too much wine stupifies the
brain, dulls the memory, benumbs the senses, infa-
tuates the understanding, blinds the judgment, per-
verts the will, corrupts all the affections; and, by put-
ting the power and facidties of the soul into con-
fusion, unfits men for all civil and religious duties. . .
Too much wine quenches the natural heat, drowns
the vital spuuts, spoils the tone of the stomach, de-
bilitates the nerves, burns up the viscera, hastens old
age, and, what is worse, propagates diseases to pos-
terity; children remaining living monuments of their
parents' excess and folly. . . . Pleasures are not truly
tastable but in the sober tracts of temperance ; it is
PP Matthew xxv. 30.
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thirst, labour and watching, that voluptuates drink-
ing, rest and sleep.
^Olt* Suppose custom and practice hath made
drunkenness habitual, and brought upon man a kind
of insatiable thirst?
^iltflfr. One custom is to be expelled by
another; abate of the excess, retreat by degrees,
within the bounds of temperance, till appetite be
reconciled to reason; but leave not the Almighty
Counsellor out of the cabinet : for drunkenness and
swearing are like those devils (spoken of, Matth. vii.
21.) " That go not out but by prayer and fasting."
But, what became of the paper
Wiseman left Youth ?
^Otl. Flatterer snatching it, cried, "What,
more grave lessons still? D his dry doctrines,
such stuff is only fit for school boys:" and threw it
tome.
^atf)f r. Read it,
DEAR KINSMAN,
Refuse not to be informed; good counsel
breaks no man's head. . . Horace laughs at those who
are ashamed to learn, and not ashamed to be ignorant.
Plato says, "There is no greater poverty, than for a
man to want wisdom to govern himself." . . . And,
Solomon brands those for fools that despise instruc-
tion. '>'' . . What avails the faculty of reason Avithout
the exercise of it ' . , ^^liere an obstinate, / will, is
the preface, / would I had not, is generally the
1 1 Pror. i. 7.
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conclusion. . . There is not any thing more generally
desired than liberty, and scarce any thing more uni-
versally abused. . . Let not felicity eat up circum-
spection; who remits his care, will perish by his neg-
lect. . . Youth ought to be employed in qualifiying
for the service of the commonwealth, not wasted in
idleness and pleasure. . . . Idleness has an absolute
sway over our sentiments and our interests; sloth
suppresses our most vigorous pursuits, controuls our
most peremptory resolutions, and brings us to want
and beggary. . . . By idleness Carthage was over-
come, and Rome ruined. . . Look not upon wordly
pleasures at their approach, but at their farewell;
and you will find them mean, servile, transitory, tire-
some, sickly, and scarce out-live the tasting; yet con-
demn their over-eager pursuers to infinite cares, trou-
bles and inconveniences Mistrust your own
opinion; fear the issue of advice consonant to your
desires. . . Flatterers, like Acteon's hounds, will de-
stroy their master.
Mel in ore, verba lactis ;
Fel in corde, fi-aus in ractis.
Consider who you arc, what you do, whence you
came, where must go, and beware of, had I wist. . .
A globe cannot fill a triangle : the emptiness and
nullity that there naturally is in the enjoyments of
this world, shew they were never designed to fill
up the large capacities of the heart of man. . . Who
neglects the service of the Almighty, dies v\dthout
doing that for which he was made to live. ... Our
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minds receive the ideas and images of most things, ori-
ginally from our senses. Set v aiters at those cinque-
ports, to seize upon all contraband goods. Guard
those avenues against all appearance of evil. . . Use
much attention and consideration ; w eigh things them-
selves, follow the dictates of reason, though appetite
lean another ■« ay. . . . "\^ hen a vain object raiseth
an ill suggestion, suggestion draws on delight; de-
hght, consent; consent, endeavour; endeavour, prac-
tice; practice, custom; custom, excuse; excuse, de-
fence; defence, obstinacy; obstinacy, boasting of sin;
boasting, a reprobate sense. . Innocency is the great-
est felicity, a good conscience is a continual feast.
This is the music which makes a merry heart: this
makes prisoners sing, when the jailor trembles. . . .
Christianity is the only excellent and compendious
art of happy living, piety towards God, justice and
charity towards men, and temperance and chastity
in reference to ourselves, are tasks that are rewards
and precepts, that are a divine sort of akbymy; to
sublime at once our natures and our pleasures. . . .
Cicero says, "Men are not born for themselves, but
for their country, parents, kindred and friends."' . .
Rise when the cock calls ; let not the sun be up be-
fore you; mans life at most is but a span; why
should you live but half yom- days ? . . Count your
very minutes, let no time slip you : time is life, which
wise men lengthen by a right use of it, from one
moment to another, . , , In the morning, think what
you base to do; at night, ask yourself what you ha^e
done. . . . Yespatian used every night to call himself
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to account for tlie actions of the past day, and, wlien
he had not done some public good, he said. Diem \
perdidi, I have lost a day. . . . All the time we
spend in any thing but our duty is lost. . . . Use
study for delight, ornament and ability ; and labour,
if not for food, for physic. . . God hates the slothful
"witness, the foolish virgins, and the unprofitable ser-
vant. . . . Pamper not your body, youth wants a
bridle, not a spur. . . . Death usually serves us as
the troculus does the crocodile: it goes in at the
mouth, and kills. . . . Fulness breeds forgetfu Iness
of God and his works, Isaiah v. 12. Of men and
their miseries, Amos vi. 6. . . Use no divertisements
contrary to law, health, or a good conscience. . . .
Let your recreations be decent, becoming your per-
son, place and calling; seasonable, obstructing nei-
ther duty nor business ; neither too costly nor scandal-
ous, used as a liberal exercise, not as a sordid trade.
Your estate requires servants, yet keep not too great
a train; many by their footmen have been unhorsed.
Parsimony is a great partrimony; but proftiseness
leads to an unpitied poverty, worse than death . . .
"The poor is hated of his neighbour.""
" Want is the scorn of everj' wealthy fool.
And wit in rags is turn'd to ridicule."
Yet, "Take heed and beware of covetousness."'*
Let not parsimony withhold from works of mercy.
Proportion your charity to others' necessities, and
I your own ability: and, where the object is doubtful,
'■'■ Prov xiv. 20. " Luke xii. 15.
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rather relieve a drone, than let a bee perish. . . It is
one of the characters of a Christian to dispense Hbe-
raljy, and enjoy abstinently, the goods he knows he
may lose, and must leave. . . The many things a man
cannot well do for himself, speak his need of a faith-
ful friend, whom the wise son of Sirach says, is the
medicine of life." . . The mind never unbends itself
so agreeably, as in the conversation of a well-chosen
friend; to whom Me may impart griefs, joys, fears,
hopes, suspicions, counsels, Sec. with this advantage,
that such discovery improves happiness and abates
misery, by doubling our joy and dividing our grief.
Yet,
IN CHOOSING A FRIEND,
Consider the inconsistency of mankind, even with
themselves; every breath of wind forms us into a
\arious shape; that,
"Mankind one day, serene and free appear.
The next they're cloudy, sullen and severe ;
New passionts, new opinions still exi-ite,
And what they like at noon, they lea\ e at night."
That there are persons, who in some certain periods
of their lives are extremeh^ agreeable, and in others
as odious and detestable; which has made some ad-
vise living v\ith friends, as if they were one day to
be our enemies ; and with enemies, as if they were
one day to be our friends. . . That men and actions,
like objects of sight, have their points of perspec-
tive, some must be seen at a distance ; to judge of
" Ecclus. vi. ID.
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others requires a close view. . . That friendship be-
ing a leveller, it is rare for those who differ much
in fortune to be long united in friendship; where
interest can tie and untie the knot. . . That friend-
ship arising from agreeableness of inclinations," 'or
commerce in Avorldly pleasures, is as changeable as
our palates, and transitory as those pleasures which
flatten in the very tasting. . . Avoid choosing an
angry man for your friend, as you would dishonour
blows and clamour; and a drunkard, as you would
the discovery of your secrets.
Quicquid est in corde sobrii,
Est in lingu^ ebrii.
Antisthenes wondered at those that, in buying an
earthen dish, were careful that it had no crack; yet
so careless in choice of friends, as to take them
flawed with vice. . . Examine mens' conduct, w eigh
their words and actions, study their genius and ca-
pacity. It is no small error to be deceived in the
choice of friends, for by them it will be judged what
you are; let them, therefore, be wise and virtuous.
When you have found a friend, be faithful, discreet,
and sincere, and, so far as consists with honour and
good conscience, cultivate his friendship with care,
confidence, and complaisance, lest it expire; yet
love him so as to hate his faults, and never, by too
great a familiarity, betray yourself to his contempt.
Bishop Hall says, " I will use my friend as Moses
did his rod : while it was a rod, he held it familiarly
in his hand; when onre a serpent, he run away
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from it." . . Bo as solicitous to avoid making enemies
as to gain friends : opportunities of doing mischief
are no less frequent than those of doing good. . .
Socrates being asked who was the wisest man, an-
swered, " He that offends least."
IF YOU BLAME,
Let it be secretly, lest you force a man upon an
unjust defence, to avoid a just shame ; or be thought
to hate the person more than his faults. . . Season-
ably ; when the offender is neither dnink with wine
nor passion ; it is profaning reason to urge it to a
drunken man. . . . Affectionately; sweetened with
pleasing compellations and self-including terms : free
from all arrogancy. . . Who blows out the candle
>vith too much strength of breath, does but make a
stink, and blows it light again. . . . Contend not with
superiors, the thread will break where it is weakest :
make a virtue of necessity, and suffer with a re-
spectful humility what you cannot hinder: to sit
down and cry will not lessen our burden or our
way. . . Shun, or break off, all disputes with in-
feriors, lest they lose their respect, . . A^Tiere com-
petition is a scandal, avoiding contest is conquest;
and contempt the only honourable revenge. . . Keep
your thoughts close, and your countenance loose:
politicians are never more at a loss, than when they
have to do with those who speak coolly and calmly,
and are so much masters of their affections, that
they do not appear in their countenances, words or
actions. . . . JLook upon secrets entrusted you as
pledges you cannot, in honour, part with, except
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where the interest of your country is concerned. . .
Men of parts have many lights to discover our very
thoughts: by praising they can fill us with joy,
which is commonly talkative: and the pleasure of
talking is a sort of drunkenness, that often makes
us discover secrets. . . Sometimes a sudden reproach
discovers a secret, which discretion had long con-
cealed. . . Wine and passion are racks oft used to
extort words from us Samson's Delilah told the
Philistines his riddle."" Any thing that disturbs our
reason lets loose the tongue; which, when at liberty,
seldom keeps within the bounds of prudence. . Ac-
cording to Sallust, silence is safer than speech, where
our enemies are the auditors; yet from absurd
silence some men gather no less than from speech.
Socrates thought it as difficult to keep a secret, as
a coal of fire in one's mouth : but, did not vanity or
interest continually solicit the discovery of all im-
portant secrets, the levity of youth and weakness
of age may induce us to believe there are critical
minutes wherein most want discretion. But who
cannot keep his own secret, ought not to complain
if another tells it. . In dealing with cunning persons,
consider their end ; say little to them, and what they
least look for. . Be always upon your guard against
the reputation of him that speaks; the air of the
face, the manner of speaking, the quality, the time,
the place, all impose. . . In negociations of dilliculty,
look not to sow and reap at the same time : prepare
business, ripen it by degrees, and use secrecy as an
■ " Judges xvi.
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anodyne to lay opposition asleep. . Observe men's
tempers, comply with their humours, suffer them
to talk their pleasure freely; patience, and a wise
condescension, many times effect what haste and
rashness would ruin. . Never peremptorily break off
business in a fit of anger; however you shew bitter-
ness, do not act any thing that is irrevocable. . He
that does a thing rashly, must be taken in equity of
construction, to do it willingly, for he was free to
deliberate. . . Human actions are so uncertain and
subject to perils, as that seemeth the best course
which hath most passages out of it, . . When over-
nuich pressed to do any thing on a sudden, be careful;
fraud and deceit are always in haste. . . Make a pause
between your ear and belief; but seem not to doubt
what is told you; yet use cunning as an antidote,
not as a poison. . . Honesty, courage, wit, like rough
diamonds, have their intrinsic value, though doubt-
ful and obscure till polished and refined by com-
plaisance, good humour, invention and address;
which qualifications, so indispensably necessary to
what we call a polite, well bred, agreeable, taking
gentleman, are attainable only by company and con-
versation, and chiefly by that of ladies: by obsen'-
ing the care and pains tliey take to please, only to
out-shine each other. . . But take special care what
company you keep; waters are impregnated with
the good or bad qualities of the minerals through
which they pass. . . . There is a strange malignity in
bad company, their effluvia will infect and poison
even the best dispositions. . Peter denied his Master
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among the Jews, whom he confessed among the
Apostles. . . Alexander learned his drunkenness from
Leonidas, and Nero his cruelty from his barber. . .
Augustus Caesar, by observing, at a public show,
the grave senators talked with Livia, and loose
youngsters and riotous persons with Julia, discerned
liis daughters' inclinations.
IN COMPANY,
Have due regard to sexes, ages, characters, profes-
sions, times and places; let nothing escape you that
may offend any of the senses: hold yourself in re-
straint, without putting restraint upon others; and,
if any make a step to oblige you, make two to ac-
knowledge it. . . There is a certain freedom in con-
versation, which is only proper amongst equals in age
and quality; which, if we use before our betters, we
seem to contemn them; if before our inferiors, they
will go near to contemn us. . . To be humble to our
superiors, is duty; to our equals, courtesy; to our
inferiors nobleness; to all, safety, if not expressed
by unworthy actions. . . The reciprocal respect due
from man to man, ought always to appear in com-
pany, and curb all the irregularities of our fancies
and humours. . . Be neither superstitious, nor too
precise in matters of ceremony; neither vesture nor
gesture, so long as they serve only for order and
decency, should cause a variance. It is pity that
Paul and Barnabas should part; that they who have
tlie same head should not have the same heart; that
children should fall out in their way home. . . Shun
the foolish vanity of passing for accomplished, and
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avoid appearing so liy any ways that are too much
studied, . . To laugh first, much, loud, at serious
matters, or what you say yourself, is the way to be
derided by others. . . Be circumspect and courteous,
bear the faults of some, the impoliteness of others, and
pardon every body sooner than yourself. . . We have
many faults of our own, by which the patience of
others will have its turn of being exercised. . . Be
readier to hear, than to speak; your eyes and ears
inform you, not your tongue. . . Silence, when it ap-
pears free from affectation, sullenness and ignorance,
is a sort of ornament to speech; and, like authoi'ity,
procures respect. . . Before you speak, consider what
construction or allusion your words will bear: whether
you are like to do or suffer hurt by what you have
a mind to say: and before you ask a question, think of
the ansM'er. . . It is said, the State of Venice, when
consulting any business, consider what may fall out
forty years after. . . Interrupt no body, even in tell-
ing a story you heard before: why should you rob
one, that seeks to divert you, of the pleasure of
believing he had told you something you did not
know, or hinder the reasonable divertisement of any
of his friends? . . . Montaigne justly complains, that
instead of taking notice of others, we make it our
business to have the company take notice of us. . .
Talk not much of yourself, for though it be done so
as not to argue pride, yet it may ignorance of wor-
thier subjects. . . . Self-praise is apt to disquiet and
nauseate our auditors, stir up envy and contempt,
and occasion a severer scrutiny into our personal
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lapses and natural imperfections. . . . And, to dis-
parage one's self in company, is such an excessive
humility, as is often suspected of secret vanity. . . .
Take heed of speaking when you are angry; pas-
sion is a sort of fever in the mind, that always leaves
us weaker than it finds us.
Ira furor brevis est.
Passion obscures the brightness of the soul, and
clearness of the discerning faculty: it tinctures the
mind with false colours, fills it with prejudice, and
undue apprehension of things. . He that is passionate
and furious, deprives himself of his reason, spoils
his understanding, and helps to make himself a fool.
Cardinal Mazarine used to say, " Two to one in all
things against the angry man." . . In telling a story,
never use tautologies, nor make any impertinent
digressions; much less entertain company so long
with your grievances, till you become one yourself.
"All tliat's superfluous, carefully avoid,
The mind once satisfied, is quicklj cloj'd."
The voice and the lute have their charms, yet in time
they will tire our ears. . Never speak in superlatives,
lest you wound truth or prudence. . . Immoderate
' praise, or dispraise, may occasion some in company
out of a dissatisfaction, or a humour of contradic-
tion, no less frequent than odious in society, to as-
j sume the contrary cudgel, and thereby engage you
i in an ungrateful dispute, or a ridiculous or destruc-
tive quarrel. Let your relations be modest and un-
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concerned, and your discourse such as your com-
pany deserve, and your judgment can maintain: and
never tell improbable truths, such as talking before
countrymen of flying-fishes. . In all debates, speak
last, to be master of others' strength before you
show your own; and then mould your arguments
into queries, rather than dogmatical assertions: seem
as if you Mere putting people in mind of what
they had forgot ; not as teaching them what they
knew not: many are willing to be helped, that hate
to be excelled. . . To give your opinion before re-
quired, looks like upbraiding others' ignorance, or
over-valuing your own parts. . After you have given
your own opinion, confirm it with the best argu-
ments you can; but, argue not so passionately, as
to lose either charity or truth : neither take it ill if
others are not of your mind, much less give abusive
language to bring them over to your sentiments:
disorderly w ords and actions drive men of honour
out of company, and leave us only the converse of
libertines. . To wave giving our opinion to the dis-
advantage of others, is the way to save ourselves
from quarrels ; but, to speak ill of any behind their
backs, is insulting the company; justice obliging
them not to suffer any to be condemned, before
called to make their defence. . Speak modestly to
those that emulate you, by way of prevention ; to
others, by way of good manners. . Never let your
resentment hinder you from doing justice to those
of whom you complain; nor your vanity cause you
to do it with too much aflectation. . Upbraid no man
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\iith his weakness; neither report it to disparage
him, or advance thyself. It is a wretched thing to
estabhsh ourselves upon the ruin of others, and a
very scandalous way to fame. . . If 3'ou have any
eminent qualities that outshine others, make them
amends for it by a greater modesty. . Tliongh you
have reason to make complaints, let them not be
bitter, lest you foreclose all reconcilement: levity
and moderation are the best means to bring back
an erring friend, and unreasonable people, to their
duty. . When you have erred, persevere not in it;
think it no shame to submit to truth, but rather re-
joice that you have found it. . Be the first to con-
demn yourself, it is the way to extricate yourself j
out of intrigues with honour. . Neither speak what |
you do not think, nor all you do. Truth is some- j
times sour and hard of digestion; and a lie covers j
a man with shame, and loads him Avith disgrace. . I
"When reproached, suppress the mutinies of your j
spirits, and keep your tongue in subjection: words, j
like bellows, often blow a spark into a flame; where- |
as, the fire that wants vent, will suppress itself. If 1
what is said be true, correct yourself; if false, let
not the anguish you express give it the credentials
of truth. . If you chance at any time to be touched
to the quick, turn wittily into a jest whatever Avas
rudely said in earnest. . Who revengeth himself by
not seeming offended, retorts upon his enemy the
grief and smart intended by the affront, with the
additional sting of the disappointment. . When you
have said a good thing, never repeat it; Mhcther
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the company heard or lost it, let it pass off as it
came on, carelessly and easily, without laying any
stress upon it: why should you set up for a wit, to
find laughter for others? In speaking of the dead,
fold up your discourse so handsomely as their virtues
may be shewn outwards, and their vices wrapped up
in silence. . Be not forward to spread reports, lest
your credit be called in question; or you chance to
kindle up a fire you cannot easily quench. A report
once vented, like a stone cast into a pond, begets
! circle after circle, till it meets with the bank that
bounds it. . Beware of inquisitive persons; a won-
derful curiosity to know all, is generally accompanied
with as great an itch to tell it again. . Be not over-
hasty to credit the first tale; neither be carried
away with light informations, through favour, faction,
envy, greediness, ambition, &c. Innocency itself
is often loaden with false accusations; hear, ex-
amine, scan, sift matters narrowly until you find out
truth. . . Officious tale-bearers are a pest to govern-
ment, conversation, societies, relations and families.
What mischief is it the craft and subtilty of a double
tongue cannot work upon a credulous fool? Plautus
says,"Tale-bearers ought to be hung up by the tongue,
tale-hearers by the ears." . . Afford others the same
indulgence you would wish to receive. . "My Lord,"
says A. " I never liked B. for one thing:" — "Nor
I you," repHed his Lordship, " for twenty things :
prithee never reflect upon any man for a single fault;
we ourselves have been guilty of hundreds." . What
a great deal of time and ease that man gains, who
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is not troubled with the spirit of curiosity, who lets
I his neighbour's thoughts and behaviour alone ; con-
[ fines his inspections to himself, and takes care of the
[ point of honesty and conscience. . By all just means,
! prevent quarrels. . . It is the knack of men of wit to
! find out evasions; with a touch of gallantry they ex-
tricate themselves out of the greatest labyrinth. A
graceful smile will make them avoid the most dan-
gerous quarrel. . Distinguish between idleness, igno-
rance, want of attention and malice; words do some-
times slip from the tongue, m hich the heart did nei-
ther hatch nor harbour. . . There are moments in life,
wherein fate delights to mock our wit, baffle our cau-
tion, and ridicule our conduct. . . Disputes common-
ly begin in mistakes, are carried on with heat and
fury, end in reproach and uncharitable names, and
too frequently in blood. . . He that consitlers the sub-
ject n)atter of all our controversies, will find them
commonly mean, low, and not worth the thoughts of
a generous mind. . . . The most toleiable re^ enge is,
for those wrongs which there is no law to remedy:
but then, let the revenge be only such, as there is no
law to punish. . . Let it not trouble you, that asses
kick, and dogs bark : arc you affronted? If the man
is not below your anger, let it be below you to be
angry. . . Solomon saith, " It is the glory of a man
to pass by a transgression.""" The repose wise men
gain by forgiving, is a sufiicient recompense for the
pains they take in the conquest; whilst impatient
fools are always moralizing the i'able of Prometheus,
'^j; Piov. \ix. 11.
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and playing the vulture upon their own entrails. . .
If you are to ask a favour, think v\ell before you
make your application, on the motives you use to
persuade, and propose them distinctly, and in few
words; after dinner is generally a fit season; men
when hungry are apt to be angry; but when replete,
the renewal of the spirits makes them more cheerful,
benign, and ready to give audience and grant favours.
Be neither hasty nor lavish in promising, the per-
formance may be troublesome. . . LiberaUty should
have banks as well as a stream: jet, let the kind-
ness you cannot grant be supplied by fair and ciAil
expressions. . . It is said in commendation of Titiis,
Neminem tristem dimisif, " He sent none away
sad." . . A denial, accompanied with sweetness and
civility, pleases more a man of understanding, than
a courtesy granted coldly and rudely. . . . Observe
the standard of all justice, "All things whatsoever
that ye would that men should do unto you, do ye
even so unto them.'"''^ . . Be grave, but not formal;
brave, but not rash; humble, not servile; patient,
not insensible; constant, not obstinate; cheerful, not
light; rather sweet, than familiar; familiar, tlian in-
timate; and intimate with very few, and upon very
good grounds. . . We should be very sparing of our
intimacies, if we considered how often it happens,
that the more perfectly men are understood, the less
they are esteemed. . . Take heed of drunkenness, it
is like a wound in the sword-hand: a man is dis-
abled in that which should defend him; he drops
ly Matt. Ml. 12.
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liis guard, and his heart hes open to the next pass.
Delight not in making men drmik, to show them
reeling : it is a mad kind of mirth that madmen
make, and a mirth that oft ends in heaviness. . . He
acts the devil's part that tempts to intemperance,
prevent it what you can. . . Because you find any
thing difficult to practise, do not presently conclude
you cannot master it. . . Improbability and impossi-
biht\' are two frightful words to weaker minds; but,
by diligent and wise men, they are generally found
to be only the excuses of idleness and ignorance.
For the most part they lie not in the things them-
selves, but in men's false opinions concerning them.
Socrates owned to Zopyrus, the physiognomer, that
his constitution was as restive a.s his neighbours, and
yet he reclaimed it by the help of philosophy. . Think
often on what you have done, that you may not for-
get what you have to do. . . I wish you an affable
behaviour, a clear innocence, a comprehensive know-
ledge; a well-weighed experience; and ahvays to
remember, that it is more than the greatest prince
can do, at once to preserve respect, and neglect his
business. . . God direct you in all things.
Farewell.
^Hf^CV* Solomon saith, "It is better to hear
the rebuke of the wise, than for a man to hear the
song of fools."**
QUI MONET AM AT, AYE ET CAVE.
2* Eccles. vii. b.
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WITH
THE NAMES OF THE ENGRAVERS,
THE WHOLE
DESIGXED AND DRAIVX BY MR. TIIVRSTON.
I '
i^insT Letters to Advertisement and Dialogue, and first
T. P. (Tail Piece.) R. Bransto.v.
ANTIQUARY . . . attempting to decj-plier tlie insrription on an old
nisty coin or medal. J. Thomi'son.
T. P. W.Hughes.
BUFFOON endeavouring, by his anticks and grimaces, to
" out-fool " the company. H. White.
T. P. Ditto.
CRITIC with his face turned away to dn:iote his desire of
coRcealnient ; but tlie Artist has reflected it in i
the glass, to shew the mind that actuates liirii. |
R. Branston. T. p. R. Bhanston, Jnn. ;
DETRACTOR . . . instilling suspicion into the mind of a credulous j
old man, by ill-natured surmises respecting the 1
two persons walking in the adjoining gai-den.
J. Thompson. T. P. H. White. I
ENVIOSO brooding over the malevolence of his heart in a }
retired cave, and turning with envious hate from
the mirthful sports of a group of happy rustics, i
R. Branston. T. P. J. Thompson.
FLATTERER . . paying court to a great man. J. Thompson.
T. P. W. Hugh Kb.
GAMESTER .... having ruined his man, gathers up his spoils
with a cold-hearted indiflerence. W. Hughes.
T. P. R. BuANSTON, Jun.
HYPOCRITE. . . having thrown oil" the mask of loyalty in his cups,
is aiming a side blow at Church and Slate, by his
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Description of t^e (ffuta.
attacks upon a Pi-ime Minister. J. Thompson.
T. P. H. White.
IMPERTINENT detains a merchant from Lis appointment with
officioas and frivolous pretences. J. Thompson.
T. P. H. White.
KNAVE
. The doors shut upon rejected Stock Jobbers.
W.Hughes. T. P. J.Thompson.
LAWYER . . .
. a limb of the Law bribing a witness.
R. Branston. T. p. W. Hughes.
MOROSO
. a repulsive churl, whom even his domestics fear
to approach. J. Thompson.
T. p. R. Branston, Jun.
NEWSMONGER, so completely absorbed in his own political im-
pressions and sagacious remarks, that he does not
perceive he has read his auditor asleep.
J.Thompson. T. P. W.Hughes.
OPINIATOR . .
. one proud of his ancestrv', and having tired all
his friends with his pedigree, &c. is reduced to
the necessity of making an auditor of his lackey.
J.Thompson. T. P. R. Branston, Jun.
PROJECTOR . .
. contemplating a castle in the air. W. Hughes.
QUACK
so deeply deliberating upon a Patient's case, that
he does not notice the nurse who has brought a
monkey for advice. C. Nesbit.
T. P. R. Br.ANSTON.
RAKE
endear curing to drown the reflection of his over-
nights debauch, and new string his shaken nerves
by fresh stimulants. R[iss Byfield.
SWEARER . .
driving a good old man out of the room by his
shocking oaths, and checked by tlie simple re-
proof of his affrighted grandchild, who puts her
hand upon his lips. J. Thompson.
T. P. G. Thurston, Jun. first attempt.
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TRAVELLER .
. a travelled fop ridiculing to his foreign lackey
the homely welcome of his aflectionate Parents.
H.White. T. P. J.Thompson.
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Besftiption of tfje Cuts.
USURER ,
WISEMAN
XANTIPPE
YOUTH
ZANY
TAIL PIECE.
THE CLUB .
. poring over his annuity deeds and mortgages,
his iron chests and bags filled with the prey of
his avarice. J. Thompson.
T. P. H. White.
. an anxious father instructing the minds, and re-
gulating the hearts of his children.
J. Thompson.
. a scolding wife, bringing home a drunken hus-
band from his Club. J.Thompson.
T. P. W. Harvey, a pupil of T. Bewick.
. an idle dissipated young man of fashion, killing
time by playing with his cat. J. Thompson.
T. P. R. Branston, Jun.
a sot, closeing the scene in his cellar.
C. Nesbit.
. page 95. R. Branston.
in full assembly : design on the Title Page ex-
plained by the text, page 69. J. Thompson.
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LONDON:
1WI> HINTED BY J. JOHNSON,
ST. JAMES'S STREET,
CLERKENWEI.L.
MDCCCXVII.
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