COLLECTION OP ANCIENT AND MODERN BRITISH AUTHORS. VOL. CCXXXIV. THE CLOCKMAKER; THE BUBBLES OF CANADA. FRINTEB EV J. iWiTH, »6, RUE MONTMOHl:NCY. IHE CLOCKMAKER; THE SAYINGS AND DOINCS OK ^ SAM. SLICK, OF SLICKVILLK TO WHICH IS ADl>liO, '" JHE BUBBLES OF CANADA, BY THE SAMli AUTHOR Garrit aniles ex re fabellns Houxcii. The cheerful sage, wlien solemn dictates fail, ( 'iiiiceais the moral counsel in a tale. PAKIS, BALIDHV'.S i:UROPliAN HUKAilV. nUK i)L coy, NB^n Tin; loi'viih. SOLn Ar.SO by AMYOT, hue DE la PAIX; TRLCHY, BOIIJ'VARI) I)ES ITALIENS ; THEOflin-E nARROIS, JUN., KUK KICHEMEO ; HEIDf.LOFF AM) CAMl'E, KIT, VIVIENNE; ami by all the PIUNCII'AL noOKSELLEllS ON THE COVTINENr, 1830. Bernard hh)8« CONTENIS. Slicks LEnEii The TiiDTTivi; House . Thk Clockmakeii The Silent Girls CHAPTER I. CHAPTER II. CHAPTER HI. .■S3"? , CHAPTER IV ( UNVEKSATION'S AT THE RiVEll PlIlLIl" JisTiCE Pettiioi: Anecdotes (Jo Ahead CHAPTER V. CHAPTER VI. CHAPTER Vll. CHAPTER Vm. The Pkkacheu that wandehed fiiom ihsText . CHAPTEI5 IX Yankee Eatinh and HouhE Feeuin(; CHAPIER \. The Road ki a Woman's Heart — Ihe Rkoken He\ht CHAPTER XI. Cl.>HtEltl,AM) OysTKUS PuuDUCE J;EJ-\NCH0LV FOUERODlNliS CHAPTER XII. The American Eac.i.e CHAPTER XIII. i'lIK, ( LOCKMAKER's Ol'lNION OK HALIFAX . CHAPTER XIV. SAMNCis AND Doings in f lmberland CHAPTER XV. The I'ANiiNc Masier AnnoAO . CHAPTER X\ I ^IU. SlUK S OPINION OF THE DkHISII 781976 PA(iF. •M) 'U ^l :r> j« y ii) ii CONTENTS, CHAPTEK XVII. A YANKiiii Havuie loii A IIalip'ax Dlade . .57 CHAPTER Will. 'I'liE Uiiaiiamhe and the luisii Pilot . . . .61 CHAPTEIl XIX. 'i'liE Clockmakek quilts a Llue Nose . . . WJ CHAPTER XX. Sister Sale's Couhtship . . . . .70 CHAPTER XXr Setting iji> fou Govekndu . . .74 CHAPTER XXH A Cuue fob Conceit . . . . FO CHAPTER XXIH. The Blowin Time . . . . S4 CHAPTER XXIV. Father John O'Shauchnehsv ..... K!» CHAPTER XXV. Taming a Shrew . . . . 'M CHAPTER XXVI. The Minister's Horn Mug, . . . . ilS CHAPTER XXVH. The White Nigger . . .10 5 CHAPTER XXVHl. FiRE iM THE Dairy ...... I'l'i CHAPTER XXIX, A BooY without a Head . . . . U! CHAPTER XXX. A Tale of Bunker's Hill . .111 CHAPTER XXXI. aJulling a Blue Nose . . . . UK y CHAPTER XXXH. (/ J' )o MANY Irons in the Fire. . . , . 1-21 CHAPTER XXXni. ^VlNDSOR AND THE FAR VVeST . . . ... P-^7 CHAPTER XXXiV. The Meeting . . . , . . lol CHAPTER XXXV. Till. Voluntary Sysiem .... lo3 < HA ITER XXXVI, TRAISIN'. A ( ARRII50(» .... IJ'5 NitK I'nxnsiiAw TnAvriLiNr, i\ Amkhka KllECTIVF CoiNriLS >.LAVEnY I'aLKINC l.ATIN I'he Snow Wiikatii The Talisman Italian Paintincs Shampooing the KsoLtsii Pt'TTiNfi A Foot in it . CONTENTS. CHAPTER XXXVll. CIIAPTF.U WWII! CHAPTER X.WIX. CHAPTEll XL. CHAPTER XEI. CHAPTER XEII. CHAPTER XEHI. CHAPTER XLIV. CHAPTER XLV. CHAPTER XLVI. CHAPTER XLVH. English Aristocracy and Yankee Mobocracy CHAPTER XLvnr. Confessions of a DF.rosrn Minister . CHAPTER XLIX. CHAPTER L. • Canadian Politics A Cure for Smuggling. CHAPTER LI. Taking ofi the Factory Ladies CHAPTER LIL The Schoolmaster Abroad The Wrong Room FiNDiNf: a Mare's Nest. CHAPTER LHL CHAPTER LIV. CHAPTER L\ . ni Pa»;i.; 118 Keeping ip the Steam. CHAPTER LVI. Tiir. C'lockmaker's Parting Advice KM 170 178 1S7 VXi i«;y 212 218 220 2.32 239 245 254 261 267 273 281 SLICK'S LEHEH. I'ter these Skelchcs had gone through llie press, and wore ronly for idiMicalioii, \vi- ent Mr. Slick a copy ; and shortly afterwards recfivcd from Mn- llu- followin;; IcdiT. vhich oharneteristic communication wc give entire. — Editor] To Mr. Howe. iSiR, — I received your letter, and note its contents. I aint over If pleased, I toll yoii ; I think I Itavo been used scandalous, Ihal's a irt. It warn't the part of a gentltMnan for to go and i>nmp me artcr lat fashion, and then go right o(T and blart it out in print. It was .nasty, dirty, mean action, and I don't thank yon nor the squire a It for it. It will he more nor a thousand dollars out of iny ixxkel. 'Iiere's an oond to the Clock trade now, and a pretty kettle of iih I've made on il, ha\'n't I? I shall never hear the last on it, .id what am I to say when I go back to the Stales? I'll take my ' (h I never said one-half the stud he has set down there; and as r that long lochrumabout Mr. Everett, and tlie Hon. Aldcn. Gobble, lid Minister, there aint a word of (ruth in it from beginnin to eend. ' ever I come near hand to him agin, I'll larn him but never lind, I say nothin. Now there's one thing I don't cleverly under- and. If this here book is my ^ Sa?j'ms and Do'ms,' how comes it )urn or the Squire's either? If my thoughts and notions are my vn, how can they be any other folks's ? According to my idee you ive no more right to take them, than you have to take my clocks ilhout payin for 'em. A man that would be guilty of such an action no gentleman, that's flat, and if you don't like it you may lump it -for I don't valy him, nor you neither, nor are a blue-nose that ever opt in shoe-leather, the matter of-a pin's head. I don't know as t er I felt so ugly afore since I was raised ; why didn't he put his name I it, as well as mine? When an article han't the maker's name and iclory on it, it shows it's a cheat, and he's ashamed to own it. T I'm to have the name, I'll have the game, or I'll know the cause 'hy, that's a fact ! Now folks say you are a considerable of a candid jan, and right up and down in your dealins, and do things above oard, handsum — at least so I've hearn tell. That's what I like ; love to deal with such folks. Now 'spose you make me an otTer? 'ou'll find me not veryditricuU to trade with, and I don't know but I night j)ut ofl' more than half of the books myself, tu. I'll tell you low I'd work it. I'd say, 'Here's a book they've namesaked arter SLICK'S LETTER. ' me, Sam Slick, the Clockmaker, but it tanre mine, and cant al- together jist say rightly ^^•hose it is. Some say it's the General's and some say it's the Bishop's, and some say it's Howe himself- but I amt availed who it is. It's a wise child that knows its own father It wipes up the blue-noses considerable hard, and don't let off the Yankees so very easy neither, but it's generally allowed to be about the prettiest book ever writ in this country ; and although it aint al- together jist gospel what's in it, there's some pretty home truths m it, that's a fact. Whoever wrote it must be a funny feller, too, , Ihat's Scirtin ; for there are some queer stories in it that no soul'could help la-rfin at, that s a fact. It's about the wittiest book I ever see'd : : Its. neaviy all sold off, but jist a few copies I've kept for my old customers. Tne price is just 5s. 6d., but I'll let you have it for 5s because you'll not get another chance to have one.' Always ax a . sixpence more than the price, and then bate it, and when blue-nose hears that, he thinks he's got a bargain, and bites directly. I never see one on 'em yet that didn't fall right into the trap. Yes, make me an offer, and you and I will trade, I think. But fair play s a jewel, and I must say I feel ryled and kinder sore. I ban t been used handsum atween you two, and it don't seem to me that I had ought to be made a fool on in that book, arter that fashion for folks to laugh at, and then be sheered out of the spec If I am' somebody had better look out for squalls, I tell you. I'm as easy as : an old glove, but a glove aint an old shoe to be trod on, and I think 1 a certain person will find that out afore he is six months older or else I mmistakened, that's all. Hopin to hear from you soon Ire-' main yours to command, ' SAMUEL SLICK, Pii'jnoxe's hin, River Philip, Dec. 25, 1836. P.S. I see in the last page it is writ, that the Squire is to take another journey round the Shore, and back to Halifai with me nexl Spring. Well, I did agree with him, to drive him round the coa.t but don t you mind-we'll understand each other, I guess, afore we start. I concait he 11 rise considerably airly in the mornin, afore he catches me asleep agin. I'll be wide awake for him next hitch that s a fact, I d a g.nn a thousand dollars if he had only used Campbell s name instead of mine; for he was a most an almiahtv vm in and cheated a proper raft of folks and then shipped him tif off o Botany Bay, for fear folks would transport him there vo couldn t rub out Slick, and put in Campbell, could you? that s a'4od feller; it you would I'd make it worth your while, lou may de .on soai lef THE CLOCKMAKER. CHAPTER 1. inE TROTTING HORSE. I WAS always nycII mounted; I am fond of a horse, and always piqued myself on having the fastest trotter in the Province. I have made no great progress in the world, I feel doubly, therefore, the pleasure of not being surpassed on the road. I never IVol so well or so cheerful as on horseback, for there is something exhilarating in quick motion ; and, old as I am, I feel a pleasure in making any per- son whom I meet on the way put his horse to the full gallop, to keep pace with my trotter. Poor Ethiope 1 you recollect him, how he was wont to lay back his ears on his arched neck, and push away from all competition. He is done, poor fellow ! the spavin spoiled his speed, and he now roams at large upon * my farm at Truro.' Mohawk never failed me till this summer. I pride myself (you may laugh at such childish weakness in a man of my age), but still, I pride myself in taking the conceit out of cox- combs I meet on the road, and on the ease with which I can leave a fool behind, whose nonsense disturbs my solitary musings. On my last journey to Fort Lawrence, as the beautiful view of Colchester had just opened upon me, and as I was contemplating its richness and exquisite scenery, a tall thin man, with hollow cheeks and bright twinkling black eyes, on a good bay horse, somewhat out of condition, overtook me ; and drawing up, said, I guess you started early this morning, sir? I did, sir, I replied. You did not come from Halifax, I presume, sir, did you? in a dialect too rich to be mis- taken as genuine Yankee. And which way may you be travelling? asked my inquisitive companion. To Fort Lawrence. Ah ! said he so am I, it is in my circuit. The word circuit sounded so profes- sional, I looked again at him, to ascertain whether I had ever seen him before, or whether I had met with one of those nameless, hut innumerable limbs of the law, who now flourish in every district of the Province. There was a keenness about his eye, and an acufeness of expression, much in favour of the law; but the dress, and general bearing of the man, made against the supposition. His was not the coat of a man who can afford to wear an old coat, nor was it one of * Tempest and More's,' that distinguish country lawyers from conn- 1 2 THE CLOCKMAKER. try boobies. His clothes were\^ell made, and of good materials, I', looked as if their owner had shrunk a little since they were mac for him; they hung somewhat loose on him. A large brooch, an^ some superflnous seals and gold keys, which ornamented his out war . man, looked ' New England' like. A visit to the States had, perhaps. I thought, turned this Colchester beau into a Yankee fop. Of what consequence was it to me who he was — in either case 1 had nothing to do with him, and I desired neither his acquaintance nor his com- pany — still I could not but ask myself who can this man be? I an^ not aware, said I, that there is a court sitting at this time at Cum- berland? Nor am I, said my friend. What then could he have to do with the circuit ? It occurred to me he must be a Methodist preach- er. I looked again, but his appearance again puzzled me. His attire might do — the colour might be suitable — the broad brim not out of place ; but there was a want of that staidness of look, that seriousness of countenance, that expression, in short, so characteristic of the clergy. I could not account for my idle curiosity — a curiosity which, in him, I had the moment before viewed both with suspicion and dis- gust ; but so it was — I felt a desire to know who he could be who was neither lawyer nor preacher, and yet talked of his circuit with the gravity of both. How ridiculous, I thought to myself, is this ; I will leave him. Turning towards him, I said, I feared I should be late for breakfast, and must therefore bid him good morning. Mohawk felt the pressure of my knees, and away we went at a slapping pace. I congratulated myself on conquering my own curiosity, and on avoiding that of my travelling companion. This, I said to myself, this is the value of a good horse ; 1 patted his neck — I felt proud of him. Presently I heard the steps of the unknown's horse — the clatter increased. Ah, my friend, thought I, it won't do ; you should be well mounted if you desire my company ; I pushed Mohawk faster, faster, faster — to liis best. He outdid himself ; he had never trotted so handsomely — so easily — so well. I guess that is a pretty considerable smart horse, said the stranger, as he came beside me, and apparently reined in, to prevent his horse passing me; there is not, I reckon, so spry a one on //if/ circuit. Circuit, or no circuit, one thing was settled in my mind; he was a Yankee, and a very impertinent Yankee, too. I felt humbled, my pride was hurt, and Mohawk was beaten. To continue this trotting contest was humiliating; I yielded, therefore, before the victory was palpable, and pulled up. Yes, continued he, a horse of pretty considerable good action, and a pretty fair trotter, too, I guess. Pride must have a fall — I confess inine was prostrate in the dust. These words cut me to the heart. >Vhat 1 is it come to this, poor Mohawk, that you, the admiration of THE TROTTING HORSE. 3 all but the envious, the great Mohawk, the standard by which all other horses are measured — trots next to Mohawk, only yields to Mohawk, looks like Mohawk — that you are, after all, only a coun- terfeit, and pronounced by a straggling Yankee to be merely 'a pretty fair trotter !' If he was trained, I guess that he might be made to do a little more. Excuse me, but if you divide your weight between the knee and the stirrup, rather most on the knee, and rise forward on the saddle, so as to leave a little daylight between you and it, I hope I may never ride this circuit again, if you don't get a mile more an hour out of him. What! not enough, I mentally groaned, to have my horse beaten, but I must be told that I don't know how to ride him ; and that, too, by a Yankee — Aye, there's the rub — a Yankee what? Perhaps a half-bred puppy, half Yankee, half blue-nose. As there is no escape, I'll try to make out my riding master. Your circuit, said I, my looks expressing all the surprise they were capable of — your circuit, l)ray what may that be? Oh, said he, the eastern circuit — I am on the eastern circuit, sir. I have heard, said I, feeling that I now had a lawyer to deal with, that there is a great deal of business on this circuit — pray, are there many cases of importance? There is a pretty fair business to be done, at least there has been, but the cases are of no great value — we do not make much out of them, we get them up very easy, but they don't bring much profit. ^Vhat a beast, thought I, is this; and what a curse to a country, to have such an unfeeling pettifogging rascal practising in it — a horse jockey, too, what a finished character! I'll try him on that branch of his business. That is a superior animal you are mounted on, said I — I seldom meet one that can travel with mine. Yes, said he coolly, a consi- derable fair traveller, and most particular good bottom. I hesitated : this man who talks with such unblushing effrontery of getting up cases, and making profit out of them, cannot be offended at the ques- tion — yes, I will put it to him. Do you feel an inclination to part with him? I never part with a horse — I don't like to ride in the dust after every one I meet, and I allow no man to pass me but when I choose. Is it possible, I thought, that he can know me? that he has heard of my foible, and is quizzing me, or have I this feeling in common with him. But, continued I, you might supply yourself again. Not on this circuit, I guess, said he, nor yet in Campbell's circuit. Campbell's'circuit — pray, sir, what is that? That, said he, is the western — and Lampton rides the shore circuit ; and as for the people on the shore, they know so little of horses, that Lampton tells me, a man from Aylesford once sold a hornless ox there, whose tail he had cut and nicked, for a horse of the Goliath breed. I should think, said I, that Mr. Lampton must have no lack of cases among 4 THE CLOCKMAKER. such enlightened clients. Chents, sirl said my friend, Mr, Lamptore is not a lawyer. I beg pardon, I thought you said he rode the circuit. We call it a circuit, said the stranger, who seemed by no means flattered by the mistake — we divide the Province, as in the Almanack, into circuits, in each of which we separately carry on our business of manufacturing and selhng clocks. There are few, I guess, said the Clockmaker, who go upon tick as much as we do, who have so little use for lawyers; if attornies could wind a man up again, after he has been fairly run down, I guess they'd be a pretty harmless sort of folks. This explanation restored my good humour, and as I could not quit my companion, and he did not feel disposed to leave me, I made lip my mind to travel with him to Fort Lawrence, the limit of his circuit. CHAPTER 11. THE CLOCKMAKER. I HAD heard of Yankee clock pedlars, tin pedlars, and bible pedlars, especially of him who sold Polyglot Bibles Ta/^ in English) to the amount of sixteen thousand pounds. The house of every substantial farmer had three substantial ornaments, a wooden clock, a tin reflec- tor, and a Polyglot Bible. How is it that an American can sell his wares, at whatever price he pleases, where a blue-nose would fail to make a sale at all? I will enquire of the Clockmaker the secret of his success. What a pity it is, Mr. Slick (for such was his name), what a pity it is, said I, that you, who are so successful in teaching these people the value of clocks, could not also teach them the value of time. I guess, said he, they have got that ring to grow on their horns yet, which every four year old has in our country. We reckon hours and minutes to be dollars and cents. They do nothing in these parts, but eat, drink, smoke, sleep, ride about, lounge at taverns, make speeches at temperance meetings, and talk about " House ofAssein- My'' \i a man don't hoe his corn, and he don't get a crop, he says it is all owing to the Bank ; and if he runs into debt and is sued, why he says the lawyers are a curse to the country. They are a most idle set of folks, I tell you. But how is it, said I, that you manage to sell such an immense number of clocks (which certainly cannot be called necessary arti- cles) among a people with whom there seems to be so great a scar- city of money ? THE CLOCKMAKER. 5 Mr. Slick paused, as il' considorinu the i)ro|)riety of ans\\oriii^ fhe ^juestion, and looking me in the face, said, in a ronlidcntiai (one, Why, 1 don't care if I do tell yon, for the market is glutted, and I shall quit this circuit. It is done hy a knowledge ol'.w// siurder and hiuiuDt mtliir. But here is Deacon Flint's, said he, I have but one <'lock lelt, and 1 guess 1 will sell it to him. At the gate ol' a most comfortable looking iarni-house stood Dea- con Flint, a respectable old man, w ho had understood the value of time better than most of his neighbours, if one might judge from the appearance of every thing about him. Alter the usual salutation, an invitation to "alight" was accepted by Mr. Slick, who said, he wished to take leave of Mrs. Flint before he left Colchester. We had hardly entered the house, before the Clockmaker pointed to the view from the window, and addressing himself to me, said, if I was to tell them in Connecticut, there was such a farm as this away down east here in Nova Scotia, they wouldn't believe me — why there aint such a location in all New England. The Deacon has a hundred acres of dyke — Seventy, said the Deacon, only seventy. Well, seventy ; but then there is your fine deep bottom, why I could run a ramrod into it — Interval, we call it, said the Deacon, who though evidently pleased at this eulogium, seemed to wish the experiment of the ramrod to be tried in the right place — Well, interval if you please (though Professor Eleazer Cumstick, in his work on Ohio, calls them bottoms), is just as good as dyke. Then there is that water privi- lege, worth 3,000 or 4,000 dollars, twice as good as what Governor Cass paid 15,000 dollars for. I wonder. Deacon, you don't put up a carding mill on it: the same works would carry a turning lathe, a shingle machine, a circular saw, grind bark, and Too old, said Ihe Deacon, too old for all those speculations — Old, repeated the Clockmaker, not you ; why you are worth half a dozen of the young men we see, now a-days, you are young enough to have — here he said something in a lower tone of voice, which I did not distinctly hear; but whatever it was, the Deacon was pleased, he smiled and said he did not think of such things now. But your beasts, dear me, your beasts must be put in and have a feed; saying which, he went out to order them to be taken to the stable. As the old gentleman closed the door after him, Mr. Slick drew near to me, and said in an under tone, that is what I call ''soft sawder" An Englishman would pass that man as a shee|) passes a hog in a pasture, without looking at him; or, said be, looking rather archly, if he was mounted on a pretty smart horse, 1 guess he'd trot away, if lie could. Now^ I find — Here his lecture on " soft sawder'" was cut short by the entrance of Mrs. Flint. Jist come to say good bye, Mrs. Flint. What, have you sold all your clocks? yes, and very low, too, for money is scarce, and 1 wished to close 6 THE CLOCKMAKER. the concarn; no, I am wrong in saying all, for I have just one left. Neighbour Steel's wife asked to have the refusal of it, but I guess I won't sell it; I had but two of them, this one and the feller of it that I sold Governor Lincoln. General Green, the Secretary of State for Maine, said he'd give me 50 dollars for this here one — it has composition wheels and patent axles, it is a beautiful article — a real first chop — no mistake, genuine superfine, but I guess I'll take it back; and beside, Squire Hawk might think kinder harder that I did not give him the offer. Dear me, said Mrs. Flint, I should like to see it; where is it? It is in a chest of mine over the way, at Tom Tape's store. I guess he can ship it on to Eastport. That's a good man, said Mrs. Flint, jist let's look at it. Mr. Slick, willing to oblige, yielded to these entreaties, and soon produced the clock — a gawdy, highly varnished, trumpery looking affair. He placed it on the chimney-piece where its beauties were pointed out and duly appreciated by Mrs. Flint, whose admiration was about ending in a proposal, when Mr. Flint returned from giving his directions about the care of the horses. The Deacon praised the clock, he too thought it a handsome one ; but the Deacon was a prudent man, he had a watch — he was sorry, but he had no oc- casion for a clock. I guess you're in the wrong furrow this time, Deacon, it an't for sale, said Mr, Slick; and if it was, I reckon neighbour Steel's wife would have it, for she gives me no peace about it. Mrs. Flint said, that Mr. Steel had enough to do, poor man, to pay his interest, without buying clocks for his wife. It's no concarn of mine, said Mr. Slick, so long as he pays me, what he has to do, but I guess I don't want to sell it, and besides it comes too high; that clock can't be made at Rhode Island under 40 dollars. Why it an't possible, said the Clockmaker, in 'apparent surprise", looking at his watch, why as I'm alive it is 4 o'clock, and if I hav'nt been two hours here — how on airth shall I reach Piiver Philip to- night? I'll tell you what, Mrs. Flint, Fll leave the clock in your care till I return on my way to the States — I'll set it a-going and put it to the right time. As soon as this operation was performed, he delivered the key to the Deacon with a sort of serio-comic injunction to wind up the clock every Saturday night, which Mrs. Flint said she would take care should be done, and promised to remind her husband of it, in case he should chance to forget it. That, said the Clockmaker, as soon as we were mounted, that I call * human nafur/' Now that clock is sold for 40 dollars — it cost me just 6 dollars and 50 cents. Mrs. Flint will never let Mrs. Steel have the refusal — nor will the Deacon learn until I call for the clock that having once indulged in the use of a superfluity, how ^ilTicult it is to give it up. We can do without any article of luxury XriE SILENT CilRL5. 7 wo have never liad, but wlien once olttainecl, it is not 'in htimuit. Huff/r' to siirreiulor it voluntarily. Of lifteen thousand sold by myself and partners in Ihis Province, twelve thousand were left in this manner, and only ten docks were ever returned — when we called for them they invariably boui^lit fhem. We (rust to 'soft sawder to get them into the house, and to ' hn/nan yiatur' that they n«ver come out of it. CHAPTER in. THE SILEIVT GIRLS. Do you see them are swallows, said the Clockmaker, how low they ily? Well, I presume, we shall have rain right away, and them noisy crifturs, them gulls, how close they keep to the water down there in the Shubenacadie; well that's a sure sign. If wo study natur, we don't wont no thermometer. But I guess we shall be in time to get under cover in a shingle-rmaker's shed, about three miles ahead on us. We had just reached the deserted hovel when the rain fell in torrents. I reckon, said the Clockmaker, as he sat himself down on a bundle of shingles, I reckon they are bad off for inns in this country. When a feller is too lazy to work here, he paints his name over his door, and calls it a tavern, and as like as not he makes the whole neighbourhood as lazy as himself — it is about as easy to find a good inn in Halifax, as it is to find wool on a goal's back. An inn, to be a good concarn, must be built a purpose, you can no more make a good tavern out of a common dwelling-house, I expect, than a good coat out of an old pair of trowsers. They are eternal lazy, you may depend — now there might be a grand spec made there, in building a good Inn and a good Church. What a sacrilegious and unnatural union, said I, with most unaffected surprise. Not at all, said Mr. Slick, we build both on speculation in the States, and make a good deal of profit out of 'em too, I tell you. We look out a good sightly place, in a town like Halifax, that is pretty considerably well peopled with folks that are good marks ; and if there is no real right down good preacher among them, we build a handsome Church, touched olTlike a New- York liner, a real taking, looking thing — and then we look out for a preacher, a crack man, a regular ten-horsc-power chap — well, we hire him, and we have to give pretty high wages too, say twelve hundred or sixteen hundred dollars a year. We take him at first on trial for a Sabbath or two, to try his paces, and if he takes with t!je S THE CLOCKMAKER. folks, if he goes down well we clinch the bargain, and let and sell the pews; and I tell you it pays well and makes a real good investment. There were few better specs among us than Inns and Churches, until the Railroads came on the carpet — as soon as the novelty of the new preacher wears off, we hire another, and that keeps up the steam, I trust it will be long, very long, my friend, said I, ere the rage for speculation introduces " the money-changers into the temple," with us. Mr. Slick looked at me with a most ineffable expression of pity and surprise. Depend on it, sir, said he, with a most philosophical air, this Province is much behind the intelligence of the age. But if it is behind us in that respect, it is a long chalk ahead on us in others. 1 never seed or heard tell of a country that had so many natural pri- vileges as this. Why there are twice as many harbours and watei powers here, as we have all the way from Eastport to New Orleens. They have all they can ax, and more than they desarve. They have iron, coal, slate, grindstone, lime, firestone, gypsum, freestone, and a list as long as an auctioneer's catalogue. But they are either asleep, or stone blind to them. Their shores are crowded with fish, and their lands covered with wood. A government that lays as light or 'em as a down counterpin, and no taxes. Then look at their dykes. The Lord seems to have made 'em on purpose for such lazy folks. 11 you were to tell the citizens of our country that these dykes had beer cropped for a hundred years without manure, they'd say, the) guessed you had seen Col. Crockett, the greatest hand at a flam in oui nation. You have heerd tell of a man who could'nt see London foi the houses, I tell you, if we had this country, you couldn't see the harbours for the shipping. There'd be a rush of folks to it, as thert is in one of our inns, to the dinner table, when they sometimes get jammed together in the door-way, and a man has to take a running leap over their heads, afore he can get in. A little nigger boy in Nev York found a diamond worth 2,000 dollars ; well, he sold it to i,t watchmaker for 50 cents — the little critter didn't know no better Your people are Just like the nigger hoy, they don't know the valuta of their diamond. Do you know the reason monkeys are no good ? because they chattel all day long — so do the niggers — and so do the blue-noses of Novc Scotia — its all talk and no work ; now, with us its all work and nc talk — in our shipyards, our factories, our mills, and even in oui vessels, there's no talk — a man can't work and talk too. I guess 1 you were at the factories at Lowel we'd show you a wonder— ^v< hundred galls at work together cill in silence. I don't think oui great country has such a real natural curiosity as that — I expect the world don't contain the beat of that; for a woman's tongue goes so CONVERSATIONS AT THE lUVEK PHILIP. » slick of itself, without water jiower or steam, ami moves so easy on its hinges, that its no easy matter to put a spririi,' stop on it, I tell you —it comes as natural as ilrinkin mint jiilip. I don't pretend to say the galls don't nullify the rule, sometimes at intermission and arter hours, but when they do, if they don't let go, then its a pity. You have heerd a school come out of little boys. Lord, its no touch to it; or a flock of geese at it, they are no more a match for 'em than a pony is for a coach-horse. But when they are at work, all's as still as sleep and no snoring. I guess we have a right to brag o' that invention — we trained the dear critters, so they don't think of striking the minutes and seconds no longer. Now the folks of Halifax take it all out in talking — they talk of steam-boats, whalers, and rail-roads — but they all end where they begin — in talk. I don't think I'd be out in my latitude, if I was to say they beat the women kind at that. One fellow says, I talk of going to England — another says, I talk of going to the Country — while a third says, I talk of going to sleep. If we happen to speak of such things, we say, ' I'm right olV down East; or I'm away oil South,' and away we go jist like a streak of lightning. When we want folks to talk, we pay 'em for it, such as ministers, lawyers, and members of congress ; but then we expect the use of their tongues, and not their hands ; and when we pay folks to work, we expect the use of their hands, and not their tongues. I guess work don't come kind o' natural to the people of this province, no more than it does to a full-bred horse. I expect they think they have a little too much blood in 'em for work, for they are near about as proud as they are lazy. Now the bees know how to sarve out such chaps, for they have their drones too. Well, they reckon its no fun, a making honey all summer, for these idle critters to eat all winter — so they give 'em Lynch Law. They have a regular built mob of citizens, and string up the drones like the Vixburg gamblers. Their maxim is, and not a bad one neither, I guess, ' no work no honey.' CHAPTER IV. CONVERSATIONS AT THE RIVER PHILIP. It was late before we arrived at Pugnose's Inn — the evening^was cool, and a fire was cheering and comfortable. Mr. Slick declined any share in the bottle of wine, he said he was dyspeptic ; and a glass or two soon convinced me, that it was likely to produce in mc some- 10 THE CLOCK MA KEK. thing worse than dyspepsy. It was speedily removed, and we drev# up to the fire. Taking a small penknife from his pocket, he began to whittle a thin piece of dry wood, which lay on the hearth, and, after musing some time, said, I guess you've never been in the States. I replied that I had not, but that before I returned to England I proposed visiting that country. There, said he, you'll see the great Daniel Webster — he's a great man, I tell you ; King William, number 4, I guess, would be no match for him as an orator — he'd talk him out of sight in half an hour. If he was in your House of Commons, I reckon he'd make some of your great folks look pretty streaked — he's a true patriot and statesman, the first in our country, and a most particular cute Lawyer. There was a Quaker chap too cute for him once tho'. This Quaker, a pretty knowin' old shaver, had a cause down to Rhode Island ; so he went to Daniel to hire him to go down and plead his case for him ; so says he, Lawyer Webster, what's your fee? Wky, says Daniel, let me see, I have to go down south to Washington, to plead the great insurance case of the Hartford Com- pany — and I've got to be at Cincinnati to attend the Convention, and I don't see how I can go to Rhode Island without great loss and great fatigue ; it would cost you, may be, more than you'd be willing to give. Well, the Quaker looked pretty white about the gills, I tell you, when he heard this, for he could not do without him no how, and he did not like this preliminary talk of his at all — at last he made bold to ask him the worst of it, what he would take? Why, says Daniel, I always liked the Quakers, they are a quiet peaceable people who never go to law if they can help it, and it would be better for our great country if there were more such people in it. I never seed or heerd tell of any harm in 'em, except going the whole figure for Gineral Jackson, and that everlastin' almighty villain, Van Buren ; yes, I love the Quakers, 1 hope they'll go the Webster ticket yet — and I'll go for you as low as I can any way afTord, say 1,000 dollars. The Quaker well nigh fainted when he heerd this ; but he was pretty deep too ; so says he. Lawyer, that's a great deal of money, but I have more causes there; if I give you the 1,000 dollars will you ])lead the other cases I shall have to give you? Yes, says Daniel, I will to the best of my humble abilities. So down they went to Rhode Island, and Daniel tried the case and carried it for the Quaker. Well, the Quaker he goes round to all the folks that had suits in court, and says he, what will you give me if I get the great Daniel to plead for you ? It cost me 1,000 dollars for a fee, but now he and I are pretty thick, and as he is on the spot, I'd get him to plead cheap for you — so he got three hundred dollars from one, and two from anoHicr, andsaon, until he got eleven hundred dollars, jist one hun»- CONVERSATIONS AT THE RIVER PHILIP. 11 I red dollars more than ho gave. Baniol was in a great rage when 10 hcord this; what, said ho, do you think I woiihl agree to your let- ing me out like a horse to hire? Friend Daniel, said the Quaker, hdst thou not undertake to plead all such cases as I should have to :ivo thee? If thou wilt not stand to tliy agreement, neither will I land to mine. Daniel laughed out ready to split his sides at this. kVell, says he, I guess I might as well stand still for you to j)ut the )ridle on this time, for you have fairly pinned me up in a corner of he fence any how — so he went good humouredly to work and plead- ed them all. This lazy fellow, Pugnose, continued the Clockmaker, that keeps his inn, is going to sell olY and go to the States; he says he has to .vork too hard here; that the markets are dull, and the winters too ong; and he guesses he can live easier there; I guess he'll lind his nistake afore he has been there long. Why our country aint to be ;omparcd to this, on no account whatever; our country never made js to be the great nation we are, but we made the country. How on lirth could we, if we were all like old Pugnose, as lazy, as ugly, make that cold thin soil of New-England produce what it does? Why, sir, the land between Boston and Salem would starve a flock Df geese; and yet look at Salem, it has more cash than would buy iVova Scotia from the King. We rise early, live frugally, and work late : what we get we take care of. To all this we add enterprise md intelligence^a feller who finds work too hard here, had better not go to the States, I met an Irishman, one Pat Lannigan, last week, who had just returned from the States ; why, says I, Pat, what Dn airth brought you back? Bad luck to them, says Pat, if I warn't properly bit. What do you get a day in Nova Scotia? says Judge Beler to me. Four shillings, your Lordship, says I. There are no Lords here, says he, we are all free. Well, says he, I'll give you as much in one day as you can earn there in two; I'll give you eight shillings. Long life to your Lordship, says I. So next day to it I went with a party of men a-digging a piece of canal, and if it wasn't a hot day my name is not Pat Lannigan. Presently I looked up and straightened my back, says I to a comrade of mine, Mick, says I, I'm very dry ; with that, says the overseer, we don't allow gentlemen to talk at their work in this country. Faith, I soon found out for my two days' pay in one, I had to do two days' w^ork in one, and pay two weeks' board in one, and at the end of a month I found myself no better off in pocket than in Nova Scotia; while the devil a bone in my body that didn't ache with pain, and as for my nose it took to bleeding, and bled day and night entirely. Upon my soul, Mr, Slick, said he, the ponr labourer docs not last long in your country; what with new riiui, hard labour, and hot ^^ealher, v>u"ll sec the graves 12 THE CLOCKMAKER. M of the Irisli each side of the canals, for all the world like two rows of potatoes in a field that have forgot to come up. It is a land, sir, continued the Clockmaker, of hard work. We have two kind of slaves, the niggers and the white slaves. All Eu- ropean labourers and blacks who come out to us, do our hard bodily work, while we direct it to a proGtable end ; neither rich nor poor, high nor low, with us, eat the bread of idleness. Our whole capital is in active operation, and our whole population is in active employment. H' An idle fellow, likePugnose, who runs away to us, is clapt into harness ' afore he knows where he is, and is made to work ; like a horse that re- ■ fuses to draw, he is put into the Team-boat; he finds some before him,' *'' and others behind him, he must either draw, oxhe dragged to death. « ttrrioffol CHAPTER V JUSTICE PETTIFOG. , ■' ro In the morning the Clockmaker informed me that a Justice's Court 'I'l' '''* was to be held that day at Pugnose's Inn, and he guessed he could' r I**'™" do a little business among the country folks that would be assem- h':M\ bled there. Some of them, he said, owed him for clocks, and it ;i*lMffl would save him the world of travelling, to have the Justice and Con- j Iitogou stable to drive them up together. If you want a fat wether, there's* fens w- nothing like penning up the whole flock in a corner. I guess, said "Mm? d he, if General Campbell knew what sort of a man that are magistrate isnwhe was, he'd disband him pretty quick, he's a regular suck-egg — a dis- ' ' i" grace to the country. I guess if he acted that way in Kentucky, he'd get a breakfast of cold lead some morning, out of the small 'i iiasa eend of a rifle, he'd find pretty difficult to digest. They tell me he ^itii'Ju issues three hundred writs a year, the cost of which, including that i aretl tarnation Constable's fees, can't amount to nothing less than 3,000' f;\^ii!iain dollars per annum. If the Hon. Daniel Webster had him afore a '^'iliavey jury, I reckon he'd turn him inside out, and slip him back again, as 'taTim: quick as an old stocking. He'd paint him to the life, as plain tq,J|iij'!iays be known as the head of Gineral Jackson. He's jist a fit feller fo^ Lynch law, to he tried, hanged, and damned, all at once — there's more nor him in the country — there's some of the breed in every fGirtiij country in the Province, jist one or two to do the dirty work, as w^pitted. a keep niggers for jobs that would give a white man the cholera. Ibsod,! They ought to pay his passage, as we do with such critters, tell him liNtetn his place is taken in the Mail Coach, and if he is foimd here after kWvtijn twenty-four hours, they'd make a carpenter's plumb-bob of him, andiiitCoi sav JUSTICE PETTIFOG. 13 ang him outside the church steeple, to try if it was perpendicular, e almost always ;:ives judgment for pliiintilV, ,iiul it' the poor defendant as an otlset, he makes him sue it, so that it grinds a Liristboth ways r him, like the upper and lower millstone. People soon began to assemble, some on foot, and others on horse- ick and in waggons — Pugnose's tavern was all bustle and conhi- on — Plaintill's, Defendants, and witnesses, all talking, quarrelling, cplaining, and drinking. Here comes the Squire, said one; I'm linking his horse carries more roguery than law , said another ; ley must have been in proper want of timber to make a justice of, lid a third, when they took such a crooked slick as that; sap- eaded enough too for refuse, said a stout looking farmer; may be so, tid another, but as hard at the heart as a log of elm ; howsomever, lid a third, I hope it wont be long afore he has the wainy edge lored ofTof him, any how. Many more such remarks were made. II drawn from familiar objects, but all expressive of bitterness and Dntempt. He carried one or two large books with him in his gig, and a con- ;derable roll of papers. As soon as the obsequious Mr. Pugnose saw im at the door, he assisted him to alight, ushered him into the best room," and desired the constable to attend " the Squire." 'he crowd immediately entered, and the constable opened the court I due form, and commanded silence. Taking out a long list of causes, Mr. Pettifog commenced reading le names — James Sharp versus John Slug — call John Slug; John lug being duly called, and not answering, was defaulted. In this lanner he proceeded to default some 20 or 30 persons ; at last he ame to a cause, William Hare versus Dennis O'Brien — call Dennis >'Brien ; here I am, said a voice from the other room — here 1 am, rho has anything to say to Dennis O'Brien? Make less noise, sir, aid the Justice, or I'll commit you. Commit me, is it, said Dennis, ike care then. Squire, you don't commit yourself. You are sued y William Hare for three pounds for a month's board and lodging, /hat have you to say to it? Say to it, said Dennis, did you overhear ^hat Tim Doyle said when he was going to be hanged for stealing pig? says he, if the pig hadn't squeeled in the bag, I'd never have leen found out, so I wouldn't — so I'll take warning by Tim Doyle's ate; I say nothing, let him prove it. Here Mr. Hare was called iponforhis i)roof, but taking it for granted that the board would be dmitted, and the defence opened, he was not prepared with proof, demand, said Dennis, I demand an unsuit. Here there wasaconsul- ation between the Justice and the Plaintiff, when the Justice said, I ihall not nonsuit him, 1 shall continue the cause. What, hang itup iillnext Court — you had better hang me up then at once — how can a )Oor man come here so often — this may be the entertainment Pug- 14 THE CLOCKMAKER. nose advertises for horses, but by Jacquers, it is no entertainmenl for me — I admit, then, sooner than come again, I admit it. You admit you owe him three pounds then for a month's board? I ad- mit no such thing, I say I boarded with him a month, and was Hk( Pat Moran's cow at the end of it, at the lifting, bad luck to him. A neighbour was here called, who proved that the three pounds mighi be the usual price. And do you know I taught his children to write at the school, said Dennis — You might, answered the witness — Anc what is that worth ? I don't know — You don't know, faith I believe you're right, said Dennis, for if the children are half as big rogues I as the father, they might leave writing alone, or they'd be like to be hanged for forgery. Here Dennis produced his account for teaching five children, two quarters, at 9 shillings a quarter each, 41. lOs. 1 am sorry, Mr. O'Brien, said the Justice, very sorry, but your defence i will not avail you, your account is too large for one Justice, any sum I over three pounds must be sued before two magistrates — But I only I want to oflset as much as will pay the board — It can't be done in this shape, said the magistrate; I will consult Justice Doolittle, my neigh- bour, and if Mr. Hare won't settle with you, I will sue it for you.,; Well, said Dennis, all I have to say is, that there is not so big a rogue i as Hare on the whole river, save and except one scoundrel who shall be nameless, making a significant and humble bow to the Justice.) Here there wasa general laugh throughout the Court — Dennis retired to the next room to indemnify himself by another glass of grog, and venting his abuse against Hare and the Magistrate. Disgusted at thfl! ^' f'f' gross partiality of the Justice, I also quitted the Courts fully concur^ ring in the opinion, though not in the language, that Dennis was giving utterance to in the bar-room. Pettifog owed his elevation to his interest at an election. It is to be hoped that his subsequent merits will be as promptly rewarded, by his dismissal from a bench which he disgraces and defiles by his presence. iiliiifi 1 jltlitkei iDiiksit iirkel,! CHAPTER. VI. ANECDOTES. As we mounted our horses to proceed to Amherst, groups of coun-1 try people were to be seen standing about Pugnose's inn, talking ovei the events of the morning, while others were dispersing to their se- veral homes. A pretty prime superfine scoundrel, that Pettifog, said the Clock- maker; he and his constable are well mated, and they've travelled id nee ass( itlif SlliU), SJ ifivorld [ti !«R;so ANECDOTES. 15 liie same gear so long together, lliat llicy make about as nice a yoke i( : of rascals, as you'll niool in a day's ride. They j)ull together like , one rope reeved through two blocks. That are constable was een i almost strangled t'other day ; and if he hadn't had a Httle grain more I wit than his master, I guess he'd had his wind-pipe stopped as tight tas a bladder. There is an outlaw of a feller here, for all the world ^like one of our Kentucky Squatters, one Bill Smith — a critter that J neither fears man nor devil. Sherill" and constable can make no ;, hand of him — they can't catch him no how ; and if they do come up ; with him, he slips through their fingers like an eel : and then, he i\ goes armed, and he can knock the eye out of a squirrel with a ball, I ilat fifty yards hand running — a regular ugly customer. Well, Nabb, the constable, had a writ agin him, and he wascypher- fiijving a good while how he should catch him; at last he hit on a plan iji i that he thought was pretty clever, and he scheemed for a chance to nil » try it. So one day he heard that Bill was up at Pugnose's Inn, a ni j settling some business, and was Ukely to be there all night. Nabb ;|). , waits till it was considerable late in the evening, and then he takes Aj his horse and rides dow n to the Inn, and hitches his beast behind jii, I the hay-stack. Then he crawls up to the w indow and peeps in, and lull watches there till Bill should go to bed, thinking the best way to iff catch them are sort of animals is to catch them asleep. Well, he r{j. kept Nabb a waiting outside so long, with his talking and singing, that anl he well nigh fell asleep first himself; at last Bill began to strip for ibcd. First he takes out a long pocket pistol, examines the priming, jand lays it down on the table, near the head of the bed. i When Nabb sees this, he begins to creep like all over, and feel I kinder ugly, and rather sick of his job ; but when he seed him jump ,into bed, and beerd him snore out a noise like a man driving pigs to market, he plucked up courage, and thought he might do it easy arter iii,',all if he was to open the door softly and make one spring on him afore he could wake. So round he goes, lifts up the latch of his !door as soft as soap, and makes a jump right atop of him, as he lay on the bed. I guess I got you this time, said Nabb. I guess Iso too, said Bill, but I wish you wouldn't lay so plaguy heavy •on me — jist turn over, that's a good fellow, will you? With thaf, Bill lays his arm on him to raise him up, for he said he was squeezed as fiat as a pancake, and afore Nabb knew where he was, Bill rolled him right over, and was atop of him. Then he seized him by the throat, and twisted his pipe, till his eyes were as big as saucers, ihis tongue grew six inches longer, while he kept making faces, for all the world like the pirate that was hanged on Monument Hill, at Bos- ton. It was pretty near over with liim, when Nabb thought of his spurs ; so he just curled up both heels, and drove the spurs right into Jill him ; he let him have it jist below his crupor ; as Bill was naked, he !)V8 16 THE CLOCKMAKER. had a fair chance, and he ragged him hke the leaf of a book cut open with your finger. At last, Bill could stand it no longer; he let go his hold, and roared like a bull, and clapping both hands ahind him, he out of the door like a shot. If it hadn't been for them are spurs, I guess Bill would have saved the hangman a job of Nabb that time. The Clockmaker was an observing man, and equally communica- tive. Nothing escaped his notice; he knew every body's genealogy, history and means, and like a driver of an English Stage Coach, was not unwilling to impart what he knew. Do you see that snug look- ing house there, said he, with a short sarce garden afore it, that belongs to Elder Thomson. The elder is pretty close-fisted, and holds special fast to all he gets. He is a just man and very pious, but I have observed when a man becomes near about too good, he is apt, sometimes, to slip ahead into avarice, unless he looks sharper arter his girths. A friend of mine in Connecticut, an old sea captain, who was once let in for it pretty deep by a man with a broader brim than common, said to me, " friend Sam," says he, *' I don't like those folks who are too d — n good. " There is, I expect, some truth in it, tho' he needn't have swore at all, but he was an awful hand to swear. Howsomever that may be, there is a story about the Elder that's not so coarse neither. It appears an old Minister came there once to hold a meetin' at his house — well, — after meetin' was over, the Elder took the minister all over his farm, which is pretty tidy, I tell you : and he showed him a great Ox he had, and a swingeing big Pig, that weighed some six or seven hundred weight, that he was plaguy proud of, but he never offered the old minister any thing to eat or drink. The preach- er was pretty tired of all this, and seeing no prospect of being asked to partake with the family, and tolerably sharp set, he asked one of the boys to fetch him his horse out of the barn. When he was taking leave of the Elder (there were several folks by at the time) says he, Elder Thomson, you have a fine farm here, a very fine farm, indeed ; you have a large Ox too, a very large Ox ; and I think, said he, I've seen to-day (turning and looking him full in the face, for he intended to hit him pretty hard), / think I have seen to-day the greatest Hog I ever saw in my life. The neighbours snickered a' good deal, and the Elder felt pretty streaked. I guess he'd give his great Pig or his great Ox either, if that story hadn't got wind m OO AHEAD. "17 CHAPTER Vn. GO AHEAD. When we resumed our conversation, the Clockmaker said, •' I ^uess we are the greatest nation on the face of the airth, and the Itmostenhghtened too." This was rather too arrogant to p«ss unnoticed, and I was about I replying, that whatever doubts there might be on that subject, there [ could be none whatever that they were the most modest .• when he [continued, " we go ahead, the Nova Scotians go astarn." Our ships i go ahead of the ships of other folks, our steam-boats beat the British \va speed, and so do our stage-coaches; and I reckon a real right iidown New York trotter might stump the univarse for going "ahead," iBut since we introduced the Railroads, if we don't go "ahead" its a pity. We never fairly knew what going the whole hog was till then ; we actilly went ahead of ourselves, and that's no easy matter I tell you. If they only had edication here, they might learn to do so too, but they don't know nothin'. You undervalue them, said I, fthey have their College and Academies, their grammar schools and ■primary institutions, and I believe there are few among them who cannot read and write. I I guess all that's nothin', said he. As for Latin and Greek, we , don't valy it a cent ; we teach it, and so we do painting and music, .because the English do, and we like to go ahead on 'em, even in ;them are things. As for reading, its well enough for them that has I nothing to do, and writing is plaguy apt to bring a man to States-pri- iSon, particularly if he writes his name so like another man as to have i it mistaken for his'n. Cyphering is the thing — if a man knows how to cypher, he is sure to grow rich. We are a "calculating" people, we all cypher. A horse that wont go ahead, is apt to run back, and the more you whip him the faster he goes astarn. That's jist the way with the Nova Scotians ; they have been runningbackso fast lately, that they have tumbled over a Bank or two, and nearly broke their necks ; and now they've got up and shook themselves, they swear their dirty clothes and bloody noses are all owing to the Ba??ks. I guess if they won'tlook ahead for the future, they'll larn to look behind, and see if there's a bank near hand 'em. A boar always goes down a tree starn foremost. He is a cunning critter, he knows tanle safe to carry a heavy load over his head, and Ills rump is so heavy, he don't like to trust it over hisn, for fear it might take a lurch, and carry him heels over head to the ground ; so 2 iieperD lillTDOr! IS THE CLOCKMAKER he lets his starn down first, and his head arter. I wish the blue- noses would find as good an excuse in their rumps for running back- j wards as he has. But the bear ''cyphers;' he knows how many ; j pounds his hams weigh, and he " calculates' if he carried them up in iJsWas the air, they miglit be top heavy for him. iro^oi If we had this Province w^e'd go to work and " cypher" right off. I (vellca; Halifax is nothing without a river or back country ; add nothing to ration, nothing, and I guess you have nothing still— add a Railroad to the J."i« Bay of Fundy, and how much do you git? That requires cyphering ra* —it will cost 300,000 dollars, or 75,000 pounds your money— add for j yrs - notions omitted in the addition column, one third, and it makes even "iiM money — 100,000 pounds. Interest at 5 per cent. 5,000 pounds a I \ii\i year, now turn over the slate and count up freight— I make it up- f jnA wards of 25,000 pounds a year. If I had you at the desk, I'd shew fsniffl you a bill of items. Now comes " subtraction;" deduct cost of en- i mi gines, wear and tear, and expenses, and what not, and reduce it for , SjMMli shortness down to 5,000 pounds a year, the amount of interest. |jilii«t What figures have you got now? you have an investment that pays ( m. I interest, I guess, and if it don't pay more then I don't know chalk 1 mml from cheese. But suppose it don't, and that it only yields 2^ per cent, j (and it requires good cyphering, I tell you, to say how it would act ( with folks that like going astarn better than going ahead), whatj would them are wise ones say then ? Why the critters would say itf; won't pay ; but I say the sum ant half stated. Can you count in your head? Not to any extent, said I. Well, that's an etarnal pity, said the Glockmaker, for I should like to show you Yankee Cyphering. What is the entire real estate of Halifax ,|(|.| worth, at a valeation ? I really cannot say. Ah, said he, I see youi|ji,ri»cf, don't cypher, and Latin and Greek won't do ; them are people had no railroads. Well, find out, and then only add ten per cent, to it, for increased value, and if it don't give the cost of a railroad, then my name is not Sam Slick. Well, the land between Halifax and . Ardoise is worth nothing, add 5 per cent, to that, and send the sum to the College, and ax the students how much it comes to. But Avhen you get into Hants County, I guess you have land worth com- ing all the way froin Boston to see. His Royal Highness the King, I guess, hasn't got the like in his dominions. Well, add 15 per cent, to all them are lands that border on Windsor Basin, and 5 per cent, to what butts on basin of Mines, and then what do you get? A pretty considerable sum I tell you — but its no use to give you the chalks, if you can't keep the tallies. Now we will lay down the schoolmaster's assistant and take up an- other book every bit and grain as good as that, although these folks affect to sneer at it — I mean human natur. Ah ! said I, a knowledge of that was of great service to you, certainly, in the sale of your clock ^\^ m mijt. kfkE nih,k Siofed barter itor,wli. OO AHEAD. \9 [to tho olil Doncon ; let lis sec how if will assist you now. What [does a clock want that's run down ? said he. Undoubtedly to he (woundup, T replied. I guess you've hit it this time. The folks of [Halifax have run down, and they'll never go to all etarnity, till they arc wound up into motion ; the works arc all good, and it is plaguy well cased and set — it only wants a kn/. Put this railroad into ope- pration, and tlie activity it will inspire info business, the new life it will give the place, will surprise you. It's like lilting a child oil its crawling, and putting him on his legs to run — see how the little crit- ter goes ahead arter that. A kurnel (l don't mean a Kurnel of mi- litia, for we don't valy that breed o'cattic nothing — they do nothing ibtit strut about and screech all day, like peacocks), but a kurnel of grain, when sowed, will stool into several shoots, and each shoot ibear many kurnels, and will multiply itself thus — 4 times 1 is 4, and i4 times 25 is 100 (you see all natur cyphers, except the blue-noses). IiJist so, this here railroad will not perhaps beget other railroads, but it will beget a spirit of enterprise, that will beget other useful improve- !'i ments. It will enlarge the sphere and the means of trade, open new 1* sources of tralTic and supply — develop resources — and what is of more \alue perhaps than all — beget motion. It will teach the folks that go istarn or stand stock still like the state-house in Boston (though they lo say the foundation of that has moved a little this summer), not only to go ''ahead" hut to nulUfy time and space. Here his horse (who, feeUng the animation of his master, had been restive of late) set off at a most prodigious rate of trotting. It was >i)me time before he was reined up. When I overtook him, the Clockmaker said, this old Yankee horse, you see, understands our word "go ahead" better nor these blue noses. What is it, he continued, what is it, that ^fetters' the heels of a younf/ country, and hangs like a ^ poke around its neck ? what re- ™ ^(ards the cultivation of its soil, and tlie improvement of its fisheries? — the high price of labour, I guess. TFell, what's a railroad? The n, arter man. Now this is what T call "cyphering" arter human atur, while figures are cyphering arter the "assistant." These two sorts of cyphering make idecation — and you may depend on't, Squire, there is nothing like folks cyphering, if they want to go "ahead." 80 THE CLOCKMAKER, CHAPTER VIII. I THE PREACHER THAT WANDERED FROM HIS TEXT. 1 GUESS, said the Glockmaker, we know more of Nova Scotia than the blue-noses themselves do. The Yankees see further ahead than most folks; they can een a most see round t'other side of a thing; indeed some on them have hurt their eyes by it, and sometimes I think that's the reason such a sight of them wear spectacles. The first I ever heerd tell of Cumberland was from Mr. Everett of Con- gress ; he know'd as much about it as if he had lived here all his days, and may be a little grain more. He is a splendid man that — we class him No. 1, letter A. One night I chanced to go into General Peep's tavern at Boston, and who should I see there but the great Mr, Everett, a studying over a map of the Province of Nova Scotia. Why it aint possible I said I — if that aint Professor Everett, as I am alive ! why how do you do, Professor? Pretty well, I give you thanks, said he; how be you? but I aint no longer Professor; I gin that up, and also the trade of Preaching, and took to Politics. You don't say so, said I; why what on airth is the cause o' that? Why, says he, look here, Mr. Slick. What is the use of reading the Proverbs of Solomon to our free and enlightened citizens, that are every mite and mortal as wise as he was? That are man undertook to say there was nothing new under the sun. I guess he'd think he spoke a little too fast, if he was to see our steam-boats, rail-roads, and India rubber shoes — three inventions worth more nor all he knew put in a heap together. Well, I don't know, said I, but somehow or another I guess you'd have found preaching the best speculation in the long run; them are Unitarians pay better than Uncle Sam (we call, said the Clockmaker, the American public Uncle Sam, as you call the British John Bull). That remark seemed to grig him a little; he felt oneasy like, and walked twice across the room, fifty fathoms deep in thought; at last he said, which way are you from, Mr. SUck, this hitch? Why, says I, I've been away up south, a speculating in nutmegs. I hope, says the Professor, they w ere a good article, the real right down genuine thing. No mistake, says 1, — no mistake, Professor : they were all prime, first chop, but why did you ax that are question? Why, says he, that eternal scoundrel, that Captain John Allspice of Nahant, he used to trade to Charleston, and he carried a cargo once there of fifty barrels of nutmegs : well, he put a half a bushel of good ones into each end of the barrel, and the rest he filled up with wooden ones, so like the real thing, no soul could tell the dilference until fie bit iliireai ilfGeoe: ilcalorl WANDERING FROM THE TEXT. 21 ^otie with his teeth; and that he never thought of doing, until ho was : lifst hit himself. Well, its been a standing joke with them southerners 'agin us ever since. ! It was only t'other day at Washington, that everlasting Virginy duellist General CufTy, afore a number of senators, at the President's ■house, said to mo. Well Everett, says he — you Rfiow I was alwavs J dead agin your TarilT bill, but I have changed my mind since your able speech on it; I shall vote for it now. Give me your hand, says I, General GuiTy; the Boston folks will be dreadful glad when they hear your splendid talents are on our side — I think it will go now — we'll carry it. Yes, says he, your factories down east beat all natur; „ they go ahead on the English a long chalk. You may depend I was J glad to hear the New Englanders spoken of that way — 1 Celt proud, I tell you — and, says he, there's one manufacture that might stump all Europe to produce the like. What's that? says I, looking as pleased all the time as a gall that's tickled. Why, says he, the facture of wooden nutmegs; that's a cap sheef that bangs the bush — its a real Yankee patent invention. With that all the gentlemen set up a laugh, you might have heerd away down to Sandy Hook — and the General gig gobbled like a great turkey cock, the half nigger half alligator like looking villain as he is. I tell you what, Mr. Slick, said the Professor, I wish with all my heart them are damned nutmegs were in the bottom of the sea. That was the first oath I ever heerd him let slip : but he was dreadful ryled, and it made me feel ugly too, for its awful to hear a minister swear; and the only match I know for fit, is to hear a regular sneezer of a sinner quote scripture. Says I, Mr. Everett, that's the fruit that politics bear; for my part I never seed a good graft on it yet, that bore any thing good to eat, or easy to digest. Well, he stood awhile looking dow n on the carpet, with his hands iiehind him, quite taken up a cyphering in his head^ and then he straightened himself up, and he put his hand upon his heart, just as he used to do in the pulpit (he looked pretty I tell you), and slowly lifting his hand olThis breast, he said, Mr. Slick, our tree of liberty * was a beautiful tree — a splendid tree — it was a sight to look at ; it ! was well fenced and well protected, and it grew so stately and so handsome, that strangers came from all parts of the globe to see it. I They all allowed it was the most splendid thing isi the world. Well, the mobs have broken in and tore down the fences, and snapped oil the branches, and scattered all the leaves about, and it looks no better than a gallows tree. I am afeared, said he, 1 tremble (o think on it, but I am afeared our ways w ill no longer be ways of pleasantness, Bor our paths, paths of peace; 1 am, indeeil, I vow, Mr. Slick, lie looked so streaked and so chop-fallen, that 1 fell kinder sorry for I him ; I actilly thought he'd a boo-hooh right out. ■0, S( ilKcenl 3H te( ■sUsli 22 THE CLOCKMAKER. So, to turn the conversation, says I, Professor, what are great map is that I seed you a studyin' over when I came in? Says he, it's a map of Nova Scotia. That, says he, is a valuable province, a I sW real clever province ; we hant got the like on it, but its most plagily tliein in our way. Well, says I, send for Sam Patch (that are man was | tlusw a great diver, says the Clockmaker, and the last dive he took was i bodya off the falls of Niagara, and he was never heerd of agin till t'other ' oierlii day, when Captain Enoch Wentworth, of the Susy Ann Whaler, llifdc" saw him in the South Sea. Why, says Captain Enoch to him, why / !««' Sam, says he, how on airth did you get here? I thought you was ' iiitel" drowned at the Canadian lines. Why, says he, I didn't get on \ Mia airth here at all, but I came right slap through it. In that are Niagara dive, I went so everlasting deep, I thought it was just as short to come up t'other side, so out I came in those parts. If 1 don't take the shine off the Sea Serpent, when I get back to Boston, then my name's not Sam Patch). Well, says I, Professor, send for Sam Patch, the diver, and let him dive down and stick a torpedo in the bottom of the Province and blow it up; or if that won't do, send for some of our steam tow-boats from our great Eastern cities, and tow it out to sea; you know there's nothing our folks can't do, when they once fairly take hold on a thing in airnest. Well, that made him laugh; he seemed to forget about the nut- megs, and says he, that's a bright scheme, but it won't do ; we shall want the Province some day, and I guess we'll buy it of King Wil- liam ; they say he is over head and ears in debt, and owes nine hun- dred millions of pounds starling — we'll buy it, as we did Florida. In the meantime we must have a canal from Bay Fundy to Bay Varte, right through Cumberland neck, by Shittyack, for our fishing vessels to go to Labradore. I guess you must ax leave first, said I. That's jist what I was cyphering at, says he, when you came in. I believe we won't ax them at all, but jist fall to and do it; its a road of needcessity. I once heard Chief Justice Marshall of Baltimore say; If the people's highway is dangerous — a man may take down a fencei — and pass through the fields as a way of needcessity ,- and we shall do it on that principle, as the way round by Isle Sable is dangerous. I wonder the Nova Scotians don't do it for their own convenience. Said I, it wouldn't make a bad speculation that. The critters don't know no better, said he. Well, says I, the St. John's folks, why don't they? for they are pretty cute chaps them. They remind me, say the Professor, of Jim Billings. You knew Jim Billings, didn't you, Mr. Slick? yes, said I, I knew him. It was he that made such a talk by shipping blankets to the West Indies. The same, says he. Well, I went to see him the other day at Mrs. Lecain's Boarding House, and says I, Billings, you have a nice location here. A plaguy sight too nice, said he.- Marm Lecain iiii whii IfiiriDf liiest, Bevet W ANDERING FROM TIIG TtXT. 2^ makes such an eternal touss about her carpets, that I have to go along that everlasting long entry, and down both staircases, to the street door to spit ; and it keeps all the gentlemen a running with their mouths full all day. I had a real bout with a New Yorker *' [ this morning, I run down to the street door, and afore I seed any *' body a coming, I let go, and I vow if I didn't let a chap have it all over his white waistcoat. Well, he makes a grab at me, and I shuts the door right to on his wrist, and hooks the door chain taught, and leaves him there, and into Marm Lecain's bed-room like a shot, and fif hides behind the curtain. Well, he roared like a bull, till black Lucretia, one of the house helps, let him go, and they looked into all the gentlemen's rooms and found nobody — so I got out of that are scrape. So, what with Marm Lecain's carpets in the house, and i other folk's waistcoats in the street, its too nice a location for me, I « guess, so I shall up killoch and off to-morrow to the Tree mont. Now, says the Professor, the St. John's folks are jist like Billings, liity cents would have bought him a spit box, and saved him all them are journeys to the street door — and a canal at Bay Varte would save the St. John's folks a voyage all round Nova Scotia. Why, they can't get at their own backside settlements, without a voyage most as long as one to Europe. If tve had that are neck of land in ' 'uniberland, we'd have a ship canal there, and a town at each end /' it as big as Portland. You may talk of Solomon, said the Profes- sor, but if Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like a lily of the field, neither was he in all his wisdom equal in knowledge to a real Ii , free American citizen. Well, said I, Professor, we are a most en- lightened people, that's sartain, but somehow I don't like to hear \ou run down King Solomon neither; perhaps he warnt quite so ii wise as Uncle Sam, but then, said I (drawing close to the Professor, ' and whispering in his ear, for fear any folks in the bar room might hear me), but then, said I, may be he was every bit and grain as honest. Says he, Mr. Slick, there are some folks who think a good deal and say but little, and they are wise folks ; and there are others 1 agin, who blart right out whatever comes uppermost, and I guess they are pretty considerable superfined darned fools. And with that he turned right round, and sat down to his map, and never said another word, lookin' as mad as a hatter the whole Messed time. 24 THE CLOCKMAKEll. CHAPTER IX. YANKEE EATING AND HORSE FEEDING. Did you ever heer tell of Abernethy, a British doctor ? said the Clock maker. Frequently, said I, he was an eminent man, and had a mos extensive practice. Well, I reckon, he was a vulgar critter that, h replied, he treated the honble. Alden Gobble, secretary to our legatioi at London, dreadful bad once; and I guess if it had been me he ha< used that way, I'd a fixed his flint for him, so that lie'd think twic afore he'd fire such another shot as that are again. I'd a made hin make tracks, I guess, as quick as a dog does a hog from a potato field He'd a found his way out of the hole in the fence a plagy sight quicke than he came in, I reckon. His manner, said I, was certainly rather unceremonious at times but he was so honest and so straightforward, that no person was, believe, ever seriously offended at him. It )vas his way. The his way was so plagy rough, continued the Clockmaker, that he' been the better, if it had been hammered and mauled down smoothei I'd a levelled him as flat as a flounder. Pray what was his offence said I. Bad enough you may depend. The honble. Alden Gobble was dyspeptic, and he suffered gre? oneasiness arter eatin, so he goes to Abernethy for advice. What' Ihe matter with you? said the Doctor, jist that way, without eve passing the time o' day with him — What's the matter with you said he. Why, says Alden, I presume I have the dyspepsy. Ah said he, I see : a Yankee swallowed more dollars and cents than \\ can digest. I am an American citizen, says Alden, with great dij nity ; I am Secretary to our Legation at the Court of St. James. Th devil you are, said Abernethy; then you'll soon get rid of your dys pepsy. I don't see that are inference, said Alden ; it don't folic from what you predicate at all— it an't a natural consequence, guess, that a man should cease to be ill, because he is called by t\\ voice of a free and enlightened people to fill an important office. (Th truth is, you could no more trap Alden than you could an Indiai He could see other folks' trail, and made none himself; he was real diplomatist, and I believe our diplomatists are allowed to be tl best in the world.) But I tell you it does follow, said the Doctoi for in the company you'll have to keep, you'll have to eat like Christian. It was an everlasting pity Alden contradicted him, for he brol Out like one ravin distracted mad. I'll be d d, said he, if ever saw a Yankee that didn't bolt his food whole like a Boa Constrictoi YANKEE EATING AND HORSE FEEDING. 2j ' How the devil can you expect to digest food, that you neither take the trouble to dissect, nor time to masticate? It's no wonder you lose your teeth, for you never use thorn ; nor your digestion, for you overload it; nor your saliva, for you expend it on the carpets, instead of your food. Its disgusting, its beastly. You Yankees load your stomachs as a Devonshire man does his cart, as full as it can hold, ^ and as fast as he can pitch it with a dung fork, and drive otf; and then ^ 1 you complain that such a load of compost is too heavy for you. Dys- '^ • pepsy, eh ! infernal guzzling you mean. I'll tell you what, Mr. 'l* I Secretary of Legation, take half the time to eat, that you do to drawl I" I out your words, chew your food half as much as you do your filthy ^ ^ tobacco, ant! you'll be well in a month. ''ii I I don't understand such language, said Alden (for he was fairly ^^ 1 ryled, and got his dander up, and when he shows clear grit, he looks ckt wicked ugly, I tell you), I don't understand such language, Sir; I came here to consult you professionally, and not to be Don't un- "18 derstand ! said the Doctor, why its plain English ; but here, read my IV i book — and he shoved a book into his hands and left him in an in- riicii stant, standing alone in the middle of the room. Ii6 1 If the honble. Alden Gobble had gone right away and demanded te his passports, and returned home with the Legation, in one of o^r Dce" first class frigates (I guess the English would as soon see pyson as one o' them are Serpents), to Washington, the President and the :re) people would have sustained him in it, I guess, until an apology was lial offered for the insult to the nation. I guess if it had been me, said evn Mr. Slick, I'd a headed him afore he slipt out o' the door and pinned fou him up agin the wall, and made him bolt his words agin, as quick as .U he throw'd 'em up, for I never see'd an Englishman that didn't cut \ih his words as short as he does his horse's tail, close up to the stump. Hi: It certainly was very coarse and vulgar language, and 1 think, said 1h I, that your Secretary had just cause to be olTended at such an un- k- gentleman-like attack, although he showed his good sense in treating illoi" it with the contempt it deserved. It was plagy lucky for the doctor, ;e,i I tell you, that he cut his stick as he did, and made himself scarce, ftiif» for Alden was an ugly customer; he'd a gin him a proper scalding — Till he'd a taken the bristles off his hide as clean as the skin of a spring jiailishote of a pig killed at Christmas. tasi The Clockmakcr was evidently excited by his own story, and to elk indemnify himself for these remarks on his countrymen he indulged clot; for some time in ridiculing the Nova Scotians. tei Do you see that are flock of colts, said he (as we passed one of I those beautiful prairies that render the vallies of Nova Scotia so ver- ifotsdant and so fertile), well, I guess they keep too much of that are ,«! -itock. I heerd an Indian one day ax a tavern kcej)er for some rum ; tior.' yhy, Joe Spawdceck, said he, I reckon you have got too much already. T 26 . THE CLOCKMAKER. Too much of any thing, said Joe, is not good, but too much rum is jist enough. I guess these blue-noses think so bout their horses, they are fairly eat up by them, out of house and home, and they are no good neither. They beant good saddle horses, and they beant good draft beasts — they are jist neither one thing nor t'other. They are like the drink of our Connecticut folks. At mowing time they use molasses and water, nasty stuff only fit to catch flies — it spiles good water and makes bad beer. No wonder the folks are poor. Look at them are great dykes; well, they all go to feed horses; and look at their grain fields on the upland ; well, they are all sowed with oats to feed horses, and they buy Iheir bread from us; so we feed the asses, and they feed the horses. If I had them critters on that are marsh, on a location of mine, I'd jist take my rifle and shoot every one on them; the nasty yo necked, cat hammed, heavy headed, flat eared, crooked shanked, long legged, narrow chested, good for nothin brutes; they aint worth their keep one winter. I vow, I wish one of these blue noses, with his go-to-meetin clothes on, coat tails pinned up be- hind like a leather blind of a Shay, an old spur on one heel, and a pipe stuck through his hat band, mounted on one of these limber timbered critters, that moves its hind legs like a hen scratching gra- vel, was sot down in Broadway, in New York for a sight. Lord 1 I think 1 hear the West Point cadets a larfin at him. Who brought that are scarecrow out of standing corn and stuck him here? I guess that are citizen came from away down east of the Notch of the White Mountains. Here comes the Cholera doctor, from Canada — not from Canada, I guess, neither, for he don't look as if lie had ever been among tlie rajjids. If they wouldn't poke fun at him it's a pity. If they'd keep less horses, and more sheep, they'd have food and clothing, too, instead of buying both. I vow I've larfed afore now till I have fairly wet myself a cryin', to see one of these folks catch an horse : may be he has to go two or three miles of an arrand. Well, ' down he goes on the dyke, with a bridle in one hand and an old tin pan in another, full of oats, to catch his beast. First he goes to one \ flock of horses, and then to another, to see if he can find his own critter. At last he gets sight on him, and goes softly up to him, shakin' of his oats, and a coaxin' him, and jist as he goes to put his hand upon him, away he starts all head and tail, and the rest with him ; that starts another flock, and they set a third off and at last every troop on 'em goes, as if Old Nick was arter Ihem, tifl they amount to two or three hundred in a drove. Well, he chases them clear across the Tantramer marsh, seven miles good, over ditches, creeks, mire holes, and flag ponds, and then they turn and take a fair ijtt chase for it back again seven miles more. By this time, I presume they are all pretty considerably well tired, and Blue Nose, he goes and gets up all the men folks in the neighbourhood, and catches his 9if, THE ROAD TO A WOMAN'S HEART. 27 beast, as they do a moose arter he is fairly run down; so ho runs fourteen miles, to ride two, because he is in a tarnation hurry. It's e'en a most equal to eatin' soup with a fork, when you are short of time. It puts me in mind of catching birds by sprinkling salt on their ails; it's only one horse a man can ride out of lialf a dozen, arter all. One has no shoes, t'other has a colt, one arnt broke, another has a sore back, while a fifth is so eternal cunnin, all Cumberland couldn't catch him, till winter drives him up to the barn for food. Most of them are dyke marshes have what they call * hovoj pots' in/em ; that is a deep hole all full of squash, where you can't find no bottom. Well, every now and then, w hen a feller goes to look for his horse, he sees his tail a stickin' right out an eend, from one of these honey pots, and wavin' like a head of broom corn ; and sometimes you see two or three trapped there, e'en a most smothered, everlastin' tired, half swimmin', 'half wadin', like rats in a molasses cask. When they find 'em in that are pickle, they go and get ropes, and tie 'em tight round their necks, and half hang 'cm to make 'em float, and then haul 'em out. Awful looking critters they be, you may depend, when they do come out; for all the world like half drowned kittens —all slinkey slimey — with their great long tails glued up like a swab Df oakum dipped in tar. If they don't look foolish it's a pity ! Well, they have to nurse these critters all winter, with hot mashes, warm covering, and what not, and when spring comes, they mostly die, and if they don't, they are never no good arter. I wish with all my heart half the horses in the country were barrelled up in these here ' honey pots,' and then there'd be near about one half too many left Tor profit. Jist look at one of these barn yards in the spring — half a iozen half-starved colts, with their hair looking a thousand ways for Sunday, and their coats hangin' in tatters, and half a dozen good ifor nolhin' old horses, a crowdin' out the cows and sheep. dm you wonder that people ivlio keep such an unprofitable stocky aome out of the small eend of the hornin the long run? CHAPTER X. THE ROAD TO A WOMAN's HEART — THE BROKEN HEART. As we approached the Inn at Amherst, the Clockmaker grew un- easy. Its pretty well on in the evening, I guess, said he, and Marm Pugwash is as onsartin in her temper as a mornin in April; its all sunshine or all clouds with her, and if she's in one of her tantrums, »he*ll stretch out her neck and hiss, like a goose with a flock of gos- ios. I wonder what on airth Pugwash was a thinkin oo, when he 28 THE CLOCKMAKER. signed articles of partnership with that are woman ; she's not a bad lookin piece of furniture neither, and its a proper pity sich a clevei woman should carry such a stiff upper lip — she reminds me of oui old minister Joshua Hopewell's apple trees. The old minister had an orchard of most particular good fruit, for he was a great hand at buddin, graftin, and what not, and the orchard (ii was on the south side of the house) stretched right up to the road, Well, there were some trees hung over the fence, I never seed sucli bearers, the apples hung in ropes, for all the world like strings o onions, and the fruit was beautiful. Nobody touched the minister'i apples, and when other folks lost their'n from the boys, his'n alwayi hung there like bait to a hook, but there never was so much as i nibble at em. So I said to him one day. Minister, said I, how oi airth do you manage to keep your fruit that's so exposed, when d< one else cant do it nohow. Why, says he, they are dreadful prett; fruit, ant they? I guess, said I, there ant the like on 'em in all Con necticut. Well, says he, I'll tell you the secret, but you needn't le on to no one about it. That are row next the fence I grafted it my- self, I took great pains to get the right kind, I sent clean up to Kox berry, and away down to Squaw-neck Creek (I was afcard he wa agoin to give me day and date for every graft, being a terrible long; winded man in his stories), so says I, I know that, minister, buthoV do you preserve them? Why I was a goin* to tell you, said he, whei you stopped me. That are outward row I grafted myself with th choicest I could find, and I succeeded. They are beautiful, but s eternal sour, no human soul can eat them. Well, the boys think th old minister's graftin has all succeeded about as well as that row, an they sarch no farther. They snicker at my graftin, and I laugh i my sleeve, I guess, at their penetration. Now, Marm Pugwash is like the Minister's apples, very tempti fruit to look at, but desperate sour. If Pugwash had a watery mout when he married, I guess its pretty puckery by this time. Howevei if she goes to act ugly, I'll give her a dose of 'soft sawder,' that wi take the frown out of her frontispiece, and make her dial-plate s smooth as a lick of copal varnish. Its a pity she's such a kickii devil, too, for she has good points — good eye — foot — neat pastern- fine chest — a clean set of limbs, and carries a good . But hei we are, now you'll see what ' soft sawder' will do. When we entered the house, the traveller's room was all in darl ness, and on opening the opposite door into the sitting room, we four the female part of the family extinguishing the fire for the nigh Mrs. Pugwash had a broom in her hand, and was in the act (the la act of female housewifery) of sweeping the hearth. The strong flicke ing light of the fire, as it fell upon her tall fine figure and beautif face, revealed a creature worthy of the Clockmaker's comments. THE ROAD TO A WOMAN'S HEART. 29 fiOod evening, Marm, said Mr, Slick, how do you do, and how's ,. Mr. Pugwash? Ho, said she, why he's been abed this hour, you J ion't expect to disturb him this time of niyht I liopc. Oh no, said Mr. SUciv, certainly not, and I am sorry to have disturbed you, but I ive got detained longer than we expected; I am sorry that . So Ij >m I, said she, but if Mr. Pugwash will keep an inn when ho has no J occasion to, his family can't expect no rest. ^ i Here the Clockmaker, seeing the storm gathering, stooped down , mddenly, and staring intently, held out his hand and exclaimed. Well, f that aint a beautiful child — come here, my little man, and shake lands along with me — well, I declare, if that arc little feller aint the inest child I ever seed — what, not abed yet? ah, you rogue, where I lid you get them are pretty rosy cheeks; stole them from mamma, 'h? Well, I wish my old mother could see that child, it is such a reat. In our country, said he, turning to me, the children are all IS pale as chalk, or as yaller as an orange. Lord, that are little feller ', .vould be a show in our country — come to me, my man. Here the soft sawder' began to operate. Mrs. Pugwash said in a milder tone han we had yet heard, ' Go, my dear, to the gentleman — go, dear.' Mr. Slick kissed him, asked him if he would go to the States along vith him, told him all the little girls there would fall in love with lim, for they didn't see such a beautiful face once in a month of Sun- ? lays. Black eyes — let me see — ah mamma's eyes too, and black , lairalso; as I am alive, why you are a mamma's own boy, the very mage of mamma. Do be seated, gentlemen, said Mrs. Pugwash — , 9ally, make a fire in the next room. She ought to be proud of you, le continued. Well, if I live to return here, I must paint your face, , . ind have it put on my clocks, and our folks will buy the clocks for he sake of the face. Did you ever see, said he, again addressing ne, such a likeness between one human and another, as between this , .leautiful little boy and his mother. I am sure you have had no upper, said Mrs. Pugwash to me; you must be hungry and weary, 00 — I am sorry to give you so much trouble, said I. Not the least ' rouble in the world, she replied, on the contrary, a pleasure. We were then shewn into the next room, where the fire was now •lazing up, but Mr. Slick protested he could not proceed without the ittle boy, and lingered behind me to ascertain his age, and concluded )y asking the child if he had any aunt that looked like mamma. , As the door closed, Mr. Slick said, it's a pity she don't go well in ;ear. The difficulty with those critters is to get them to start, arter hat there is no trouble with them if you don't check 'em too short. f you do, they'll stop again, run back and kick like mad, and then )ld Nick himself wouldn't start 'em, Pugwash, I guess, don't under- ifand the natur of the critter: she'll never go kind in harness for him. Ulim I see a chihl, said the Clockmaker, I always feel safe with ten 30 THE CLOCKMAKER. these womenfolk ; for I have always found that the road to a wo- man s heart lies through her child. You seem, said I, to understand the female heart so well, I make no doubt you are a general favourite among the fair sex. Any man, he replied, that understands horses, has a pretty considerable fair knowledge of women, for they are just ahke in temper, and require the very identical same treatment. Incourage the timid ones, he gentle and steady with the fractious, hut lather the sulky ones like blazes. People talk an everlasting sight of nonsense about wine, women, and horses. I've bought and sold 'em all, I've traded in all of them, and I tell you, there aint one in a thousand that knows a grain about either on 'em. You hear folks say. Oh, such a man is an ugly grained critter, he'll break his wife's heart ; jist as if a woman's heart was as brittle as a pipe stalk. The female heart, as far as my ex- perience goes, is just like a new India Rubber Shoe; you may pull and pull at it, till it stretches out a yard long, and then let go, and it will fly right back to its old shape. Their hearts are made of stout- leather, I tell you ; there is a plaguy sight of wear in 'em. I never knowed but one case of a broken heart, and that was in tother sex, one Washington Banks. He was a sneezer. He was talli |«i enough to spit down on the heads of your grenadiers, and near aboufr high enough to wade across Charlestown River, and as strong as a tow-boat. 1 guess he was somewhat less than a foot longer than thei moral law and catechism too. He was a perfect pictur of a man ; you couldn't fait him in no particular; he was so just a made critter; folks used to run to the winder when he passed, and say there goes i Washington Banks, beant he lovely? I do believe there wasn't a gall in the Lowell factories, that warn't in love with him. Some-i times, at intermission, on Sabbath days when they all came out: together (an amasin hansom sight too, near about a whole congre-i gation of young galls), Banks used to say, " I vow, young ladies, I; wish I had five hundred arms to reciprocate one with each of youji but I reckon I have a heart big enough for you all ; it's a whapper^i you may depend, and every mite and morsel of it at your service."' Well, how do you act, Mr. Banks, half a thousand little clipper clapper tongues would say, all at the same time, and their dear little eyes sparklin,' like so many stars twinklin' of a frosty night. Well, when I last see'd him, he was all skin and bone, like a horse turned out to die. He was teetotally defleshed, a mere walkin* ske- leton. I am dreadful sorry, says I, to see you, Banks, lookin so peecked; why you look like a sick turkey hen, all legs; what on airth ails you? I am dyin, says he, of a Broken heart. What, says I, have the galls been jiltin you? No, no, says he, I beant such a fool as that neither. Well, says 1, have you made a bad speculation?. iwKor 'ilbiise, i«)tilio I Kltte ''start MELANCHOLY FOREBODINGS. 31 N'o, says he, shakiii his liead, I liopo I have too much clear grit in me to take on so bad for that. What under the sun is it, then? said i(. Why, says he, I made a bet the fore part of summer with Lef- .;enant Oby Knowles, that I could shoulder the best bower of the constitution frigate. 1 won my bet, hut the anclior was so eternal \ieavy it broke my heart. Sure enough he did die that very fall, and iie was the only instance I ever heerd tell of « broken lieart. CHAPTER XI. CUMBERLAND OYSTERS PRODUCE MELANCHOLY FOREBODINGS. ^ H The ^ soft sawder of the Clockmaker had operated effectually on ! he beauty of Amherst, our lovely hostess of Pugwash's Inn : indeed, ; am inclined to think with Mr. Slick, that Mhe road to a woman's I eart lies through her child,' from the effect produced upon her by the raise bestowed on her infant boy. I was musing on this feminine susceptibility to flattery, when the oor opened, and Mrs. Pugwash entered, dressed in her sweetest 1 miles, and her best cap, an auxiliary by no n|pans required by her I liarms, which, like an Italian sky, when unclouded, are unrivalled « I splendour. Approaching me, she said, with an irresistible smile, ( k^ould you like Mr. (here there was a pause, a hiatus, evi- •: ;ntly intended for me to fill up with my name ; but that no per- $ ;tn knows, nor do I intend they shall ; at Medley's Hotel, in Halifax, \ was known as the stranger in No. I. The attention that incognito s "ocured for me, the importance it gave me in the eyes of the master ci the house, its lodgers, and servants, is indescribable. It is only great ■j iople who travel incog. State travelling is inconvenient and slow; I e constant weight of form and etiquette oppresses at once the strength li id the spirits. It is pleasant to travel unobserved, to stand at ease, i \ exchange the full suit for the undress coat and fatigue jacket. ,' 'herever, too, there is mystery there is importance : there is no know- \\% for whom I maybe mistaken — but let me once give my humble \ agnomen and occupation, and I sink immediately to my own level, t a plebeian station and a vulgar name : not even my beautiful hos- < *is, nor my inquisitive friend, the Clockmaker, who calls me 'Squire', ' Jall ex-tract that secret !) Would you like, Mr. Indeed I would, ■ sid I, Mrs. Pugwash, pray be seated, and tell me what it is. Would " 11 like a dish of superior Shittyacks for supper? Indeed I would, said igain laughing ; but pray tell me what it is? Laws me! said she 'li a stare, where have you been all your days, that you never 11(1 of our Shittyack Oysters? I thought every body had heerd 32 THE CLOCKMAKER. of them. I beg pardon, said I, but I understood at Halifax, that the / m only oysters in this part of the world were found on the shores of Prince Edward Island. Ohl dear no, said our hostess, they are found all along the coast from Shittyack, through Bay of Varies, away |i III to Ramshay. The latter we seldom get, though the best ; there is loes no regular conveyance, and when they do come, they are generally I large shelled and in kegs, and never in good order. I have not had a re«i Cloel good Ramshay in my house these two years, since Governor Mait* pi- land was here ; he was amazin fond of them, and Lawyer Tolkemdeaf ilicls, sent his carriage there on purpose to procure them fresh for him. hiJwi Now we can't ^^^ the7?i, but we have the Shittyacks in perfection; «(i say the word and they shall be served up immediately. | m A good dish and an unexpected dish is most acceptable, and cer- ( pJ, tainly my American friend and myself did ample justice to the Oys- ters, which, if they have not so classical a name, have quite as good a flavour as their far-famed brethren of Milton. Mr. Slick eat so heartily, that when he resumed his conversation, he indulged in the most melancholy forebodings. Did you see that are nigger, said he, that removed the Oyster shells? well, he's one of our Ghesapickers, one of General CufTy's slaves. I wish Adipiral Cockburn had a taken them all ofTour hands at the same rate. \ye made a pretty good sale of them are black cattle, I guess, to the British ; I wish we were well rid of 'em alL The Blacks ajid the Whites in the States show their teeth and snarl, they are jist ready to fall to. The Protestants and Catholics begir [ iil to lay back their ears, and turn tail for kickin. The Aholitionistilm and Planters are at it like two bulls in a pastur. Moh-law anc ) sis Lynclirlam are working like yeast in a barrel, and frothing at the bung-hole. J^ullification and Tariff are like a charcoal pit, al covered up, but burning inside, and sending out smoke at everj crack enough to stifle a horse. General Government and State Go vernmcnt every now and then square off and sparr, and the firs blow given will bring a genuine set-to. Surplus Revenue is anothe bone of contention ; like a shin of beef throwna mong a pack of dogs it will set the whole on 'em by the ears. You have heer'd tell of cotton rags dipt in turpentine, havn't you how they produce combustion? Well, I guess we have the element of spontaneous combustion among us in abundance ; when it doe break out, if you don't see an eruption of human gore worse thai Etna lava, then I'm mistaken. There'll be the very devil to pay that's a fact. I expect the blacks will butcher the Southern whites and the Northerners will have to turn out and butcher them again and all this shoot, hang, cut, stab, and burn business, will sweetei our folks' temper, as raw meat does that of a dog — it fairly make me sick to think on it. The explosion may clear Ihe air again, an Lille B UDOI iiarst Kilw ajj I MELANCHOLY FOREBODINGS. 33 all be tranquil once more, but its an even chance if it don't leave us the three steam-boat options, to be blown sky high, to be scalded to ;death, or drowned. j If this sad picture you have drawn be indeed true to nature, how oes your country, said I, appear so attractive, as to draw to it so large a portion of our population? It tanto its attraction, said the lockmaker; its nothin but its power of suction ; it is a great whirl- ol — a great vortex — it drags all the straw, and chips, and Heating ticks, drift wood and trash into it. The small crafts are sucked in, ind whirl round and round like a squirrel in a cage — they'll never ;;ome out. Bigger ones pass through at certain times of tide, and can come in and out with good pilotage, as they do at Hell Gate up the ^ound. i You astonish me, said I, beyond measure ; both your previous con- jirersations with me, and the concurrent testimony of all my friends iwho have visited the States, give a different view of it. Your friends ! "H isaid the Clockmaker, with such a tone of ineffable contempt, that I "felt a strong inclination to knock him down for his insolence — your ifriends! Ensigns and leftenants, I guess, from the British marchin iregiments in the Colonies, that run over five thousand miles of coun- •try in five weeks, on leave of absence, and then return, lookin as wise lis the monkey that had seen the world. When they get back they ire so chock full of knowledge of the Yankees, that it runs over of iitself, like a hogshead of molasses, rolled about in hot weather — a bfi|fcvhite froth and scum bubbles out of the bung ; wishy washy trash iihey call tours, sketches, travels, letters, and what not; vapid stuff, iflist sweet enough to catch flies, cockroaches, and half-fledged galls. jlt|([tputs me in mindof my French. I larnt French at night school one inter, of our minister, Joshua Hopewell (he was the most larned an of the age, for he taught himself een amost every language in fefljEurope) ; well, next spring, when I went to Boston, I met aFrench- leiliman, audi began to jabber away French to him: ' Polly woes a ifrench shay,' says I. I don't understand Yankee yet, says he. You ilon't understand ! says I, why its French. I guess you didn't expect to hear such good French, did you, away done east here? but we speak jit real well, and its generally allowed we speak English, too, better than the British. Oh, says he, you one very droll Yankee, dat very itiJKQod joke, Sare : you talk Indian and call it French. But, says I, Mister jti lAIount shear, it is French, I vow ; real merchantable, without wainy dge or shakes — all clear stuff; it will pass survey in any market — ' s ready stuck and seasoned. Oh, very like, says he, bowin as polite ■^ a black waiter at New Orleens, very like, only I never hecrd it lore; oh, very good French dat— elear stuff, no doubt, but I no ;nderstand — its all my fault, I dare say, Sare. 3 tl blii m U THE CLOCKMAKER. Thinks I to myself, a nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse, I see how the cat jumps — Minister knoAvs so many languages he hani been particular enough to keep 'em in separate parcels, and mark 'em on the back, and they've got mixed, and sure enough I found my I French was so overrun with other sorts, that it was better to lose the whole crop than to go to weedin, for as fast as I pulled up any strange- ' seedlin, it would grov/ right up agin as quick as wink, if there was the least bit of root in the world left in the ground, so I left it all rot on the field. There is no way so good to lam French as to live among 'em, and / if you nxmt to understand us, you must live amovg us, too ; your i : Halls, Ilamiltons, and De Rouses, and such critters, what can they I know of us? Can a chap catch a likeness flying along a railroad? ( can he even see the featurs? Old Admiral Anson once axed one of i our folks afore our glorious Revolution (if the British had a known us i a little grain better at that time, they wouldn't have got whipped | like a sack as they did then) where he came from? From the Che- 1 sapeeke, said he. Aye, aye, said the Admiral, from the West \ Indies. I guess, said the Southaner, you may have been clean round i the world. Admiral, but you have been plaguy little in it, not to know better nor that. I shot a wild goose at River Phihp last year, with the rice of Varginey fresh in his crop: he must have cracked on near about as fast as them other geese, the British travellers. Which know'd the most of the country they passed over, do you suppose? I guess it was much of a muchness — near about six of one, and a half dozen of tother; two eyes aint much better than one, if they are both blind. No, if you want to know all about us and the blue noses (a pretty considerable share of Yankee blood in them too, I tell you; the old stock come from New England, and the breed is tolerable pure yet, near about one half apple scarce, and tother half molasses, all except to the Easterd, where there is a cross of the Scotch), jistax me and I'll tell you candidly. I'm not one of them that can't see no good points in my neighbour's critter, and no bad ones in my own ; I've seen too much of the world for that, I guess. Indeed, in a general way, I praise other folk's beasts, and keep dark about my own„ Says I, when I meet Blue Nose mounted, that's a real smart horse of your'n, put him out, I guess he'll trot like mad. Well, he lets him have the spur, and the critter does his best, and then I pass him like a streak of lightning with mine. The feller looks all taken aback at that. Why, says he, that's a real clipper of your'n, I vow. Middlin, says I, (quite cool, as if I had heard that are same thing a thousand times), he's good enough forme, jist a fair trotter, and nothin to brag of. That goes Hear about as far agin in a general way, as a crackin and a boastin THE AMERICAN fiAGLE. 35 does. Never tell folks you can go a head on 'em, but do it; it spares a great deal of (alk, and helps them to save their breath to cool their !>roth. No, if 30U want to know the inns and the outs of the Yankees — I've wintered them and summered them ; I know all their points, shape, make, and breed ; I've tried 'em alongside of other folks, and I know Avhere thoy fall siiort, where they mate 'em, and where Ihey have the advantage, about as well as some who think they know a plaguy sight more. It tante them that stare the most, that see the best always, I guess. Our folks have their faults, and I know them ( I warn't born blind, I reckon), but your friends, the tour writers, are a little grain too hard on us. Our old nigger wench had several dirty, ugly lookin children, and was proper cross to 'em. Mother used to say, ^ Juno, its better never to w'qie a rM/tPs none at alt, I iftu'ss, thon to n'^ring it off.' w«! CHAPTER XII. hoi TUE AiSIERICAN EAGLE. m JisT look out of the door, said the Clockmaker, and see what a m beautiful night it is, how calm, how still, how clear it is, beant it twii ' lovely? — I like to look up at them are stars, when I am away from eod ' home, they put me in mind of our national flag, and it is generally iod. I allowed to be the first flag in the univarse now. The British can relti whip all the world, and we can whip the British. Its near about leoi the prettiest sight I know of, is one of our first class frigates, manned uej with our free and enlightened citizens, all ready for sea ; it is like lotli the great American Eagle, on its perch, balancing itself for a start |||«| on the broad expanse of blue sky, afeared of nothin of its kind, and nif president of all it surveys. It was a good emblem that we chose, chJ ! warn't it? jltij ' There was no evading so direct, and, at the same time, so con- Bli ■ ceited an appeal as this. Certainly, said I, the emblem was well i!t,l; chosen. I was particularly struck with it on observing the device nil J on your naval buttons during the last war — an eagle with an anchor in its claws. That was a natural idea, taken from an ordinary occurrence : a bird purloining the anchor of a frigate — an article so cool • useful and necessary for the food of its young. It was ^^ell chosen, 20ol r and exhibited great taste and judgment in the artist. The emblem is i»oii more appropriate than you are aware of — boasting of what you 3slii J cannot perform — grasping at what you cannot attain — an emblem of 1 ' 36 THE CLOCKMAKER. arrogance and weakness., of ill-directed ambition and vulgar preten- sion. It is a common phrase, said he, ( with great composure ) among seamen, to say ' damn your buttons,' and I guess its natural for you to say so of the buttons of our navals ; I guess you have a right to that are oath. Its a sore subject, that, I reckon, and I believe I hadn't ought to have spoken of it to you at all. Brag is a good dog, but hold fast is a better one. He was evidently annoyed, and with his usual dexterity gave vent to his feelings by a sally upon the blue-noses, who, he says, are a cross of English and Yankee, and therefore first cousins to us both. Perhaps, said he, that are eagle might with more propriety have been taken off as perched on an anchor, instead of holding it in his claws, and I think it would have been more nateral ; but I suppose it was some stupid foreign artist that made that are blunder — I never seed one yet that was , equal to ourn. If that Eagle is represented as trying what he cant do, its an honourable ambition arter all, but these blue-noses wont try what they can do. They put me in mind of a great big hulk of a horse in a cart, that wont put his shoulder to the collar at all for all the lambastin in the world, but turns his head round and looks at you, as much as to say, * what an everlastin heavy thing an empty cart is, isn't it?' An Owl should he their emblem, and the motto, * He sleeps all the days of his life.' The whole country is like this night ; beautiful to look at, but silent as the grave — still as death, asleep, becalmed. If the sea was always calm, said he, it would pyson the univarse; no soul could breathe the air, it would be so uncommon bad. Stag- nant water is always onpleasant, but salt water, when it gets tainted, beats all natur ; motion keeps it sweet and wholesome, and that our minister used to say is one of the ' wonders of the great deep.' This province is stagnant; it tante deep, like still water neither, for its shaller enough, gracious knows, but it is motionless, noise- less, lifeless. If you have ever been to sea in a calm, you'd know what a plagy tiresome thing it is for a man that's in a hurry. An everlasting flappin of the sails, and a creakin of the booms, and an onsteady pitchin of the ship, and folks lyin about dozin away their time, and the sea a heavin a long heavy swell, like the breathin of the chist of some great monster asleep. A passenger wonders the sailors are so plagy easy about it, and he goes a lookin out east, and a spyin out west, to see if there's any chance of a breeze, and says to himself, ' Well, if this aint dull music its a pity.' Then how streaked he feels when he sees a steamboat a clipping it by him like mad, and the folks on board pokin fun at him, and askin him if he has any word to send home. Well, he says, if \ THi: AMEIUCAN EAGLE. 37 . any soul ever catches me on board a sail vessel again, when 1 can [ go by steam, I'll give liim leave to tell me of it, that's a fact. [ That's partly the case here. They arc becalmed, and they see I us going a head on thorn, till we are eon almost out of sight; yet Hthey han't got a steamboat, and they han't got a rail-road; indeed, I doubt if one half on 'em ever seed or heerd tell of one or tother of them. I never seed any folks like 'em except the Indians, and : they wont even so much as look — they havn't the least morsel of :i curiosity in the world; from which one of ourun itarian preachers (they are dreadful hands at doubtin them. I dont doubt but that ■ some day or another, they will dotibt whether everything aint a doubt) in a very learned work, doubts whether they were ever descended from Eve at all. Old marm Eve's children, he says, are all lost, it is said, in consequence of too much curiosity, while these copper coloured folks are lost from havin too little . How can they be the same? Thinks I, that may be logic, old Dubersome, but it an't sense, don't extremes meet? Now, these blue-noses have no motion in 'em, no enterprise, no spirit, and if any critter shows any symptoms of activity, they say he is a man of no I judgment, he's speculative, he's a schemer, in short, he's mad. They vegitate like a lettuce plant in sarsc garden, they grow tall and spindlin, run to seed right off, grow as bitter as gaul, and die. A gall once came to our minister to hire as a house help; says she, 1 Minister, I suppose you don't want a young lady to do chamber busi- ii ness and breed worms, do you? For I've half a mind to take a spell ' at livin out ( she meant, said the Clockmaker, house work and ' rearing silk worms ). My pretty maiden, says he, a pattin her on ' the cheek ( for I've often observed old men always talk kinder plea- ^ sant to women ), my pretty maiden, where was you brought up? 1 Why, says she, I guess I warn't brought at all, I growd up. Under ( what platform, says he ( for he was very particular that all his ' house helps should go to his meetin ), under what Church platform? ' Church platform, says she, with a toss of her head like a young colt that got a check of the curb, I guess I warn't raised under a platform i at all, but in as good a house as yourn, grand as you be. — You said i well, said the old minister, quite shocked, when you said you growd 'l up, dear, for you have grown up in great ignorance. Then I guess I' you had better get a lady that knows more than me, says she, that's ; flat. I reckon I am every bit and grain as good as you be — If I dont understand a bum-byx (silk worm) both feedin, brcedin, and rearin, then I want to know who does, that's all; church platform, indeed, says she, I guess you were raised under a glass frame in March, and transplanted on Independence day, warn't you? And off she sot, lookin as scorney as a London lady, and leavin the poor minister standin starin like a stuck pig. Well, well, says he, a liflin r» 38 THE CLOCKMAKER. up both hands, and turnin up the whites of his eyes Uke a duck in thunder, if that don't bang the bush ! ! It fairly beats sheep shearin, after the blackberry bushes have got the wool. It does, I vow; them are the tares them Unitarians sow in our grain fields at night j I guess they'll ruinate the crops yet, and make the grounds so ever- lastin foul, we'll have to pare the sod and burn it, to kill the roots. Our fathers sowed the right seed here in the wilderness, and watered it with their tears, and watched over it with fastin and prayer, and now its fairly run out, that's a fact, I snore. Its got choaked up with all sorts of trash innatur, I declare. Dear, dear, I vow I never seed the beat o' that in all my born days. Now the blue noses are like that are gall ; they have grown up, and grown up in ignorance of many things they hadn't ought not to know ; and its as hard to teach grown up folks as it is to break a six year old horse ; and they do ryle one's temper so — they act so ugly that it temps one sometimes to break their confounded necks — its near about as much trouble as its worth. What remedy is there for all this supineness, said I ; how can these people be awakened out pf their ignorant slothfulness, into active exertion? The remedy, said Mr. Slick, it at hand — its already workin its own cure. They must recede before our free and enlightened citizens like the Indians: our folks will buy them out, and they must give place to a more intelligent and ac-tive people. They must go to the lands of Labra- dor, or be located back of Canada ; they can hold on there a few years, until the wave of civilization reaches them, and then they must move again as the savages do. It is decreed ; I hear the bugle of destiny asoundin of their retreat, as plain as anything. Congress will give themaconcessionof land, if they petition, away to Alleghany back- side territory, and grant them relief for a few years; for we are out of debt, and don't know what to do with our surplus revenue. The only way to shame them, that I know, would be to sarve them as uncle Enoch sarvcd a neighbour of his in Varginy. There was a lady that had a plantation near hand to his'n, and there was only a sm.aU river atwixt the two houses, so that folks could hear each other talk across it. Well, she was a dreadful cross- grained woman, a real catamount, as savage as as he bear that has cubs, an old farrow critter, as ugly as sin, and one that both hooked and kicked too — a most particular onmarciful she -devil, that's a fact. She used to have some of her niggers tied up every day, and flogged uncommon severe, and their screams and screeches were horrid — no soul could stand it; nothin was heerd all day, but oh lord, Missus! oil lord, Missus I Enoch was fairly sick of the sound, for he was a tender-hearted man, and says he to her one day. Now do, marm^ iind out some other place to give your cattle the cowskin, for it wor- ries mcto hear 'cm take on so dreadful bad — I can't stand it, I vow; 1 THE AMERICAN EAGLE 3'.) I they are ilcsh ami Mood as well aswc be, thoiipli llio moat is a diire- ,rent colour; but it was no good — she jist up and told liiin to mind ,'his own business, and she guessed she'd mind hern. He was deter- imincd to shame her out of it ; so one mornin artcr breakfast he goes Jinto the cane field, and says he to Lavander, one of the black over- seers, IMuster up the whole gang of slaves , every soul, and bring .'em down to the wippin post, the whole stock of them, bulls, cows, iand calves. Well, away goes Lavender, and drives up all the nig- gers. Now you catch it, says he, you lazy villains ; 1 tole you so many a time — I tole you Massa he lose all patience wid you, you good for nolhin rascals. I grad, upon my soul, 1 worry grad; you mind now Iw'hat old Lavender say anoder time. ( The black overseers are ^always the most cruel, said the Clockraaker; they have no sort of Ifeeling for their own people. ) ; Well, when they were gathered there according to orders, they I looked streaked enough you may depend, thinkin they were going to : get it all round, and the wenches they fell to a cry in, wringin their hands, and boo-liooing like mad. Lavender was there with his cowskin, grinnin like a chcssy cat, and cracking it about, ready for business. Pick me out, says Enoch, four that have the loudest voices ; hard matter dat, Massa, dey all talk loud, dey all lub talk more 'better nor work — de idle villains; better gib 'em all a little tickel, jist to teach 'em larf on tother side of de mouth: dat side bran new, I they never use it yet. Do as I oder you. Sir, said Uncle, or I'll have ; you triced up, you cruel old rascal you. When they were picked 'out and sot by themselves,, they hanged their heads, and looked like 'sheep goin to the shambles. Now, says Uncle Enoch, my Pickinin- nies, do you sing out, as loud as Niagara, at the very tip eend of your voice — Don't kill a nia;i:;:er, pray, Let him lib aimder day. a h Oh Lord Missus — OA Lord Missus. IMy back be very sore, No stand it einy more. 0/t Lord Missus — Ok Lord Missus. [0;. And all the rest of you join chorus, as loud as you can haul, Oh [}l\Lonl Jlissus. The black rascals understood the joke real well. M ; They larfed ready to split their sides : they fairly lay down on the f. around, and rolled over and over with lafter. Well, when they came .0 the chorus, Oh Lord Missus, if they didn't let go, its a pity. |,L I Ihey made the river ring agin — they were heerd clean out to sea. J ' All the folks ran out of the Lady's House, to see what on airtli was the matter on Uncle Enoch's plantation — they thought there was jfi actilly a rebellion there; but when they listened awhile, and heerd it J ■ over and over again, they took the hint and returned a larlin in their sleeves. Says they, Master Enoch Slick, he upsides with Missus thiu 40 THE CLOCKMAKER. hitch any how. Uncle never heerd anything more of Oh Lord Missus, after that. Yes, they ought to be shamed out of it, those blue-noses. When reason fails to convince, there is nothin left but ridicule. If they have no ambition, apply to their feelings, clap a blister on their pride, and it will do the business. Its hke a puttin ginger under a horse's tail ; it makes him carry up real handsimi, I tell you. When I was a boy, I was always late to school ; well, father's preachin I did'nt mind much, but I never could bear to hear mother say. Why Sam, are you actilly up for all day? Well, I hope your airly risin won't hurt you, I declare. What on airth is agoin to happen now? Well, wonders will never cease. It raised my dan- der; at last says I, Now, mother, don't say that are any more for it makes me feel ugly, and I'll get up as airly as any on you; and so I did, and I soon found what's worth knowin in this life, An airly start makes easy stages. CHAPTER XIIL THE CLOCKMAKEr's OPINION OF HALIFAX. The next morning was warmer than several that had preceded it. It was one of those uncommonly fine days that distinguish an Ame- rican autumn. I guess, said Mr. Slick, the heat to-day is like a * glass of Mint Julip, with a lump of ice in it, it tastes cool and feels warm — its real good, I tell you; I love such a day as this dearly. | Its generally allowed the finest weather in the world is in America — there an't the beat of it to be found anywhere. He then lighted a cigar, and throwing himself back on his chair, put both feet out of the window, and sat with his arms folded, a perfect picture of happiness. You appear, said I, to have travelled over the whole of this Pro- vince, and to have observed the country and the people with much attention ; pray what is your opinion of the present state and future prospects of Halifax? If you will tell me, said he, when the folks there will wake up, then I can answer you, but they are fast asleep; as to the Province, its a splendid province, and calculated to go ahead ; it will grow as fast as a Varginy gall, and they grow so amazin fast, if you put your arm round one of their necks to kiss them, by the time you've done, they've grown up into women. Its a pretty Province, I tell you, good above and better below ; surface covered with pastures, meadows, woods, and a nation sightof water privileges, and under the ground full of mines — it puts me in mind of the soup at the Trfc'-mont house. ; HIS OPINION OF IIALIFAX 11 One clay I was a walkin in the Mall, and who should I meet but Major Bradford, a gentleman from Connecticut, that traded in calves and pumpkins for the Boston market. Says ho, Slick, where do you get your grub to-day? At General Peep's tavern, says I. Only fit for niggers, says he; why don't you come to the 7m'-mont house, that's the most splendid thing its generally allowed in all the world. Why, says I, thafs a notch above my mark, I guess it's too plagy dear for me, I can't afford it no how. Well, says he, its dear in one sense, but its dog cheap in another — its a grand place for speculation — there's so many rich southerners and strangers there that have more money than wit, that you might do a pretty good business there without goin out of the street door. I made two hundred dollars this mornin in little less than half no time. There's a Carolina Lawyer there, as rich as a bank, and says he to me arter breakfast, Major, says he, I wish I knew where to get a real slapping trotter of a horse, one that could trot with a (lash of lightning for a mile, and beat it by a whole neck or so. Says I, my Lord (for you must know, he says he's the nearest male heir to a Scotch dormant peerage), my Lord, says I, I have one a proper sneezer, a chap that can go ahead of a rail-road steamer, a real natural traveller, one that can trot with the ball out of the small eend of a rifle, and never break into a gallop. Says he, Major, I wish you wouldn't give me that are knick name, I don't like it (though he looked as tickled all the time as possible), I never knew, says he, a lord that worn'nt a fool, that's a fact, and that's the reason I don't go ahead and claim the title. Well, says I, my Lord, I don't know, but somehow I can't help a thinkin, if you have a good claim, you'd be more like a fool not to go ahead with it. Well, says he. Lord or no Lord, let's look at your horse. So away I went to Joe Brown's livery-stable, at t'other eend of the city, and picked out the best trotter he had, and no great stick to brag on either; says I, Joe Brown, what do you ax for that are horse? Two hundred dollars, says he. Well, says I, I will take him out and try him, and if I like him, I will keep him. So I shows our Carolina Lord the horse, and when he gets on him, says I, Don't let him trot as fast as he can, resarve that for a heat : if folks find out how everlastin fast he is, they'd be afeard to stump you for a start. When he returned, he said he liked the horse amazingly, and axed the price; four hundred dollars, says I, you can't get nothin special without a good price, pewter cases never hold good watches; I know it, says he, the horse is mine. Thinks I to myself, that's more than ever I could say of him then any how. AVell, I was goin to teH you about the soup — says the Major, it's near about dinner time, jist come and see how you like the location. There was a sight of folks there, gentlemen and ladies 42 THE CLOCKMAKER. I in the public room (I never seed so many afore, except at com- li" mencenient day), all ready for a start, and when the gong sounded, "^ oil we sott like a flock of sheep. Well, if there warn't a jam you il* may depend — some one give me a pull, and I near abouts went heels ' Hs up over head, so I reached out both hands, and caught hold of the ' thi first thing I could, and what should it be but a lady's dress — well, I as I'm alive, rip went the frock, and fear goes the petticoat, and ill" when I righted myself from my beam ends, away they all came home it* to me, and there she was, the pretty critter, with all her upper riggin / 4 slandin as far as her weist, and nothin left below but a short linen ' n^i undergarment. If she didn't scream, its a pity, and the more she ,i^^ screamed, the more folks larved, for no soul could help larfin, till ■ ' ^ one of the waiters folded her up in a table cloth. What an awkward devil you be, Slick, says the Major, now that comes of not falling in first, they should have formed four deep, rear rank in open order, and marched in to our splendid national air, and filed off to their seats, right and left shoulders forward. I feel kinder sorry, too, says he, for that are young heifer, but she shewed a pro- per pretty leg tho' Slick, didn't she — I guess you don't often get such a chance as that are. Well, I gets near the Major at table, and afore me stood a china utensil with two handles, full of soup, about the size of a foot tub, with a large silver scoop in it, near about as big as a ladle of a maple sugar kettle. I was jist about bailing out some soup into my dish, when the Major said, fish it up from the bottom, Slick, — w'ell, sure enough, I gives it a drag from the bottom, and up came the fat pieces of turtle, and the thick rich soup, and a sight of little forced meat balls, of the size of sheep's dung. No soul could tell how good it was — it was near about as hai\(\s7im as father's old genuine particular cider, and that you could feel tingle clean away down to the tip eends of your toes. Now, says the Major, I'll give you. Slick, a new wrinkle on your horn. Folks ain't thought nothin of, unless they live at Treemont : its all the go. Do you dine at Peep's tavern every day, and then off hot foot to Treemont, and pick your teeth on the street steps there, and folks will think you dine there. I do it often, and it saves two dollars a day. Then he puts his finger on his nose, and says he, '■Mum is the word' Now, this Province is jist like that are soup, good enough at top, but dip down and you have the riches, the coal, the iron ore, the gypsum, and what not. As for Halifax, its well enough in itself, though no great shakes neither, a few sizeable houses, with a proper sight of small ones, like half a dozen old hens with their broods of young chickens ; but the people, the strange critters, they are all asleep. They walk in their sleep, and talk in their sleep, and what they say one day they forget the next, they say they were dreaming. You know where Governor Campbell lives, don't you, in^a large stone 1 Ik u lllS OPINION OF llALll A\. V.i Jiousc, Willi a i^reat wall round it, that looks like a slate prison; well, ^ear hand there is a nasty dirty horrid lookin buryin ground there — its tilled w ilh large grave rats as big as kittens, and the springs of jblaek water there, go through the chinks of the rocks and How into all ithe wells, and fairly pyson the folks — its a dismal place, I tell you — I wonder the air from it don't turn all the silver in the Gineral's , house, of a brass colour (and folks say he has four cart loads of it), 'its so everlasting bad — its near about as nosey as a slave ship of niggers. Well, you may go there and shake the folks to alletarnity and you won't wake 'em, I guess, and yet there ant much dilTerenee atween their sleep and the folks at Halifax, only they lie still there ;and are quiet, and don't walk and talk in their sleep like them above Iground. i Halifax reminds me of a Russian olTiccr I once seed at Warsaw; ;he had lost both arms in battle ; but I guess I must tell you first why I went there, cause that will show you how we speculate. One Sabbath day, after bell ringin, when most of the women had gone to meetin (for they were great hands for pretty sarmons, and our Uni- tarian ministers all preach poetry, only they leave the ryme out — it i; sparkles like perry), I goes down to East India wharf to see Captain Zeek Hancock, of Nantucket, to enquire how^ oil w as, and if it would bear doing anything in ; when who should come along but Jabish (Ireen. Slick, says he, how do you do ; isn't this as pretty a day as ! you'll see between this and Norfolk? it whips English weather by a long chalk ; and llien he looked down at my watch seals, and looked and ;i looked as if he thought I'd stole 'em. At last he looks up, and says (lyi:, he. Slick, I suppose you wondn't goto Warsaw, would you, if it was 5(1 made worth your while? Which Warsaw? says I, for I believe in iw 'my heart we have a hundred of them. None of ourn at all, says he; ei Warsaw in Poland. Well, I don't know, says I ; what do you call w orth while ? Six dollars a day, expenses paid, and a bonus of one ■ef;, thousand dollars, if speculation turns out well. I am ofi", says I, Y^ whenever jou say go. Tuesday, says he, in the Hamburgh packet. Now, says he, I'm in a tarnation hurry; I'm goin a pleasurin to day in the Custom House Boat, along with Josiali Bradford's galls down to Nahant. But I'll tell you what I am at: the Emperor of Russia has ordered the Boles to cut olT their queus on the Isl of January; you rausl buy them all up, and ship Ihein oil" to London for the wig makers. Human hair is scarce and lisin. Lord a massy ! says I, how queer they will look, won't they. Well, I aow, that's what the sea folks I ill sailing uiuh'r hure Fu'es, come true, aint it? I guess it will turn out a good spec, says he ; and a good one it did turn out — he cleared dn thousand dollars by it. When I was at Warsaw, as I was a savin, there v/as a Russian iliccr there who had lost both his arms in battle ; a good uatured DM 41 THE CLOCKMAKER. contented critter, as I een amost ever see'd, and he was fed with spoons by his neighbours, but arter a while they grew tired of it, and I guess he near about starved to death at last. Now Halifax is like that are Spootiey, as I used to call him ; it is fed by the outports, and they begin to have enough to do to feed themselves — it must larn to live without 'em. They have no river, and no country about them ; lei them make a railroad to Minas Basin, and they will have arms ol their own to feed themselves with. If they don't do it, and do il soon, I guess they'll get into a decline that no human skill will cure, They are proper thin now ; you can count their ribs een amost as fai as you can see them. The only tiling that mill cither make or sam Halifax, is a railroad across the country to Bay ofFundy. It will do to talk of, says one ; You'll see it some day, says another; Yes, says a third, it will come, but we are too young yet. Our old minister had a darter, a real clever looking gall as you'c see in a day's ride, and she had two or three offers of marriage front sponsible men — most particular good specs — but minister alway; said ' Phoebe, you are too young — the day will come — but you an too young yet, dear. Well, Phoebe didn't think so at all ; she said She guessed she knew better nor that ; so the next offer she had, sh had no notion to lose another chance — off she sot to Rhode Islanc and got married; says she. Father's too old, he don't know. That' jist the case at Halifax. The old folks say the country is too youni — the time will come, and so on ; and in the mean time time the youn: folks wont wait, «?Z(^ run off to tlie States, where the maxim is, ' yout, is tlie time for improvement ; a new country is never too young fa exertion — push on — Tceep movin — go ahead.^ Darn it all, said the Clockmaker, rising with great animation clinching his list, and extending his arm — darn it all, it fairly make my dander rise, to see the nasty idle loungin good for nothing do littl critters — they aint fit to tend a bear trap, I vow. They ought I be quilted round and round a room, like a lady's lap dog, the matte of two hours a day, to keep them from dyin of apoplexy. Husl hush, said I, Mr, Slick, you forget. Well, said he, resuming h usual composure — well, it's enough to make one vexed though, declare — isn't it? Mr. Slick has often alluded to this subject, and always in a mo decided manner; I am inclined to think he is right. Mr. Howe papers on the railroad I read till I came to his calculations, but never could read figures, ' I can't, cypher,' and there I paused; was a barrier : I retreated a few paces, took a running leap, ai cleared the whole of them. Mr. Slick says he has under and n; over rated its advantages. He appears to be such a shrewd, obser' ing, intelligent man, and so perfectly at home on these subjects, th- I confess I have more faith in this humble but eccentric Clockmake DOINGS IN CUMBERLAND. 45 liian in any other man I have met with in this Province. 1 there- ;,)! [fore pronounce ' thvrc will he a railroad' >l i CHAPTER XIV. (i(H ; SAYINGS AND DOINGS IN CUMBERLAND. j(j J I KECKON, said the Clockmaker, as we strolled through Amherst, rj, you have read Hook's story of the boy that one day asked one of his father's guests, who his next door neighbour was, and when he heerd )ll]j, ihis name, asked him if he warn't a fool. No, my little feller, said he, he beant a fool, he is a most particular sensible man; but why yjij jdid you ax that are question ? Why, said the little boy, mother said ffi), |t'other day you ware next door to a fool, and I wanted to know who il^j, lived next door to you. His mother felt pretty ugly, I guess, when juj ,she heerd him run right slap on that are breaker. , j,ij Now these Cumberland folks have curious next door neighbours, 1^ 5j |too ; they are placed by their location right a'twixt fire and water ; they [jIjj ihave New Brunswick politics on one side, and Nova Scotia politics jy ^on t'other side of them, and Bay Fundy and Bay Varte on t'other two sides ; they are actilly in hot water ; they are up to their croopers in politics, and great hands for talking of House of Assembly, political i' jil (Unions, and what not. Like all folks who wade so deep, they can't ,always tell the natur of the ford. Sometimes they strike their shins agin a snag of a rock; at other times they go whap into a quicksand, (i and it they don't take special care they are apt to go souse over head u.and ears into deep water. I guess if they'd talk more oi RotationSy Ijjj and less of elections, more of them are Dykes, and less of Banks, 1(1, and attend more to top-dressing, and less to re-dressing, it 'ed be Ll .better for 'em. jj I Now you mention the subject, I think I have observed, said I, that rjthere is a great change in your countrymen in that respect. For- •, ,merly, whenever you met an American, you had a dish of politics set " before you, whether you had an appetite for it or not; but lately I .have remarked they seldom allude to it. Pray to what is this attri- . ibutable? I guess, said he, they have enough of it to home, and are , ;Sick of the subject. They are cured the way our pastry cooks cure ^j, jtheir prentices of stealing sweet notions out of their shops. When they get a new prentice, they tell him he must never so much as look ■at all them are nice things; and if he dares to lay the weight of his ,flnger upon one of them, they'll have him up for it before a justice; '"'! they tell him its every bit and grain as bad as stealing from a till. V I Well that's sure to set him at it, just as a high fence does a breachy vonii I' n^ anil I 46 THE CLOCKMAKER. a'lifii \d ox, first to look over it, and then to push it down with its rump ; its human natur. Well, the boy eats and eats till he cant eat no longer, and then he gets sick at his stomach, and hates the very sight of sweetmeats afterwards. We've had politics with us, till we're dog sick of 'em, I tell you. Besides, I guess we are as far from perfection as when we set out a roin for it. You may get purity of election but how are you to get purity of Mcmhers? It would take a great deal of cyphering to tell that. I never see'd it yet, and never heerd tell of one wiio had seed it; The best member I een amost ever seed was John Adams. Well, \i^^^ John Adams could no more plough a straight furrow in politics than '')'"' he could haul the plough himself. He might set out straight at be- ' t*"" ginnin for a little way, but he was sure to get crooked afore he got '^^'^ to the cend of the ridge — and sometimes he would have two or three i ■"'' crooks in it. I used to say to him, how on airth is it, Mr. Adams *J'* (for he was no way proud like, though he was president of our great j I™ ' nation, and it is allowed to be the greatest nation in the world, too: for you might sec him sometimes of an arternoon a swimmin along with the boys in the Potomac, I do believe that's the way he larned to give the folks the dodge so spry) ; well, I used to say to him, how on airth is it, Mr. Adams, you can't make straight work on it? He was a 'grand hand at an excuse (though minister used to say that folks that were good at an excuse, were seldom good for nothin else); sometimes, he said, the ground was so tarnation stony, it throwed |»*2p the plough out ; at other times he said the oiT ox was such an ugly wilful tempered critter, there was no doin nothin with him; or that there was so much machinery about the plough, it made it plagy hard to steer, or may be it was the fault of them that went afore him that they laid it down so bad; unless he was hired for another term of four years, the work wouldn't look well ; and if all them are ex- cuses would'nt do, why he would take to scolding the nigger that drove the team, throw all the blame on him, and order him to have an everlastin lacin with the cowskin. You might as well catch a weasel asleep as catch him. He had somethin the matter with one eye — well, he knew I know'd that when I was a boy ; so one day, a feller presented a petition to him, and he told him it was very af- fectin. Says he, it fairly draws tears from me, and his weak eye took to lettin off its water like statiee; so as soon as the chap went, \\\\ he winks to me with t'other one, quite know in, as much as to say. you see its all in my eye. Slick, but don't let on to any one about it. that I said so. That eye was a regular cheat, a complete New Eng- land wooden nutmeg. Folks said Mr. Adams was a very tender- hearted man. Perhaps he was, but I guess that eye did'nt pump its water out o' that place. \\ Members in general aint to be depended on, I tcil you. Politics Ill DOINGS IN CUMBERLAND. 47 jmakcs a man as crooked as a pack docs a pedlar, not that they arc Iso awful heavy, neither, hut it teaches a wan to stoop hi the loia/ run. JArtcr all, there's not that diilerence in 'em (at least there aint in Congress) one would think ; for if one of them is clear of one vice, ;why, as like as not, he has another fault just as bad. An honest farmer, like one of these Cumberland folks, when he goes to choose )jii'twixt two tliat oilers for votes, is jist like the Hyihg fish. Tbat arc little critter is not content to stay to home in the water, and mind its business, but he must try his hand at ilyin, and he is no great dab 'it flyin, neither. Well, the moment he's out of water, and takes jto flyin, the sea fowl are arter him, and let him have it ; and if he has Ithe good luck to escape them, and dive into the sea, the dolphin, as jiike as not, has a dig at him, that knocks more wind out of him than jtie got while aping the birds, a plagy sight. I guess the hluo-noses [know jist about as much about politics as this foolish fish knows about JQyin. All critters in natur are better in their own element. '< It beats cock figtin, I tell you, to hear the blue-noses, when they [get together, talk politics. They have got three or four evil spirits^ llike the Irish Banshees, that they say cause all the mischief in the Province — the Council, the Banks, the House of Assembly, and the ti Lawyers. If a man places a higher valiation on himself than his y neighbours do, and wants to be a magistrate before he is fit to carry ffe ;the ink horn for one, and finds himself safely delivered of a mistake, - he says it is all owing to the Council. The members are cunnin rittcrs, too, they know this feelin, and when they come home from \ssembly, and people ax 'em, ' where are all them are fine things }ou promised us?' Why, they say, we'd a had 'em all lor you, but . \{ |for that etarnal Council, they nullified all we did. The country will ten| iCome to no good till them chaps show their respect for it, by covering fff]J .their bottoms with homespun. If a man is .so tarnation lazy he [(y>von't work, and in course has no money, why he says its all owin ,lm to the banks, they won't discount, there's no money, they've ruined tciii :the Province. If there beant a road made up to every citizen's door, [l,(iii ;away back to the woods (who as like as not has squatted there), why ijjv; :he says the House of Assembly have voted all the money to pay great fyj( .men's salaries, and there's nothin left for poor settlers, and cross il;pj iToads. Well, the lawyers come in for their share of cake and ale, ;too, if they don't catch it, its a pity. [jjji. There was one Jim Munroo, of Onion County, Connecticut, a jjjtj |desperate idle fellow, a great hand at singin songs, a skatin, drivin yjj about with the galls, and so on. Well, if any body's windows were jjjj .broke, it was Jim Munroe — and if there were any youngsters in J rwant of a father they were sure to be poor Jim's. Jist so it is with the lawyers here; they stand godfather for every misfortune that P(,lJlj|!|happons in the country. When Ihcre is a mad dog a goin about. 48 THE CLOCKMAKER. every dog that barks is said to be bit by the mad one, so he gets credit for all the mischief that every dog does for three months to come. So every feller that goes yelpin home from a court house, smartin from the law, swears he is bit by a lawyer. Now there may be something wrong in all these things (and it cand't be other- wise in natur), in Council, Banks, House of Assembly, and Lawyers; but change them all, and its an even chance if you don't get worse ones in their room. It is in politics as in horses ; when a man has a beast that's near about up to the notch, he'd better not swap him ; if he does, he's een amost sure to get one not so good as his own. My rule is, Td rather keep a critter whose faults I do know, than change him far aheast whose faults I don't know. CHAPTER XV. THE DANCING MASTER ABROAD. ^feaS I WISH that are black heifer in the kitchen would give over singing that are everlastin dismal tune, said the Clockmaker, it makes my head ache. You've heerd a song afore now, said he, hav'n't you, till you was fairly sick of it? for I have, I vow. The last time I was in Rhode Island (all the galls sing there, and it's generally allowed there's no such singers anywhere ; they beat the ^^e-talians a long chalk — they sing so high some on' em, they go clear out o'hearin sometimes, like a lark), well, you heerd nothin but ' Oh no, we never mention her ;' well, I grew so plaguy tired of it, I used to say to my- self, I'd sooner see it than hear tell of it, I vow ; I wish to gracious you ' would never mention her,' for it makes me feel ugly to heai that same thing for ever and ever and amen that way. Well, they've got a cant phrase here, ' the schoolmaster is abroad,' and every fellei tells you that fifty times a-day. There was a chap said to me not long ago at Truro, Mr. Slick, thii country is rapidly improvin, ' the schoolmaster is abroad now,' an( he looked as knowin as though he had found a mare's nest. So ] should think, said I, and it would jist be about as well, I guess, i he'd stay to home and mind his business, for your folks are so con soomedly ignorant, I reckon he's abroad een almost all his time, hope when he returns, he'll be the better of his travels, and that'; more nor many of our young folks are who go 'abroad,' for they im port more airs and nojisense than they dispose of one while, I tell yoi — some of the stock remains on hand all the rest of their lives There's nothin I hate so much as cant, of all kinds ; its a sure sigi of a tricky disposition. If you see a feller cant in religion, clap youi aeji 3)! 7 f THE DANCING MASTER ABROAD, 49 hand into your pocket, and lay right hold of your puss, or he'll steal i(, assure as you're alive; and if a man cant in politics, he'll sell you if he gets a chance, you may depend. Law and physic are jist the same, and ev(>ry initc and morsel as bad. If a lawyer takes to can- tin, its like the fox preachin to the geese, he'll eat up his whole con- gregation ; and if a doctor takes to it, he's a quack as sure as rates. The Lord have massy on you, for he wont. I'd sooner trust my ( hance with a naked hook any time, than one that's half covered with Lad bait. The lish will sometimes swallow the one, without fhinkin, but they get frightened at tother, turn tail, and off like a shot. Now, to change the tune, I'll give the blue-noses a new phrase. They'll have an election most likely next year, and then ^ the Dan cm Master irill he abroad.' A candidate is a most purticular polite man, a noddin here, and a bowin there, and a shakin hands all round. Nothin improves a man's manners like an election. ' The Dancin Master s abroad then-' nothin gives the paces equal to that, it makes them as squirmy as an eel; they cross hands and back agin, set to their i)artners, and right and left in great style, and slick it off at the eend, with a real complete bow, and a smile for all the world as sweet as a cat makes at a pan of new milk. Then they get as full of com- pliments as a dog is full of flees — enquirin how the old lady is to liome, and the little boy that made such a wonderful smart answer, they never can forget it till next time ; a praisin a man's farm to the nines, and a tellin of him how scandalous the road that leads to his location has been neglected, and how much he wants to find a real complete hand that can build a bridge over his brook, and axin him \ilie ever built one. When he gets the hook baited with the right fly, and the simple critter begins to jump out of water arter it, all mouth and gills, he winds up the reel, and takes leave, a thinkin to himself, ' now you see what's to the eend of my line, I guess I'll know where to find you when I want you.' There's no sort of fishin requires so much practice as this. When 'bait is scarce, one worm must answer for several fish. A handful ' " lofoats in a pan, arter it brings one horse up in a pastur for the bridle, ^' ^serves for another ; a shakin of it, is better than a givinof it — it saves **^'' Tthe grain for another time. It's a poor business arter all, is elec- '"'* jlioneering, and when ' the Dancin Master is abroad,' he's as apt to ^^' Iteach a man to cut capers and get larfed at as anything else. It tanfe '"' every one that's soople enough to dance real complete. Politics take *■" 'a great deal of time, and grinds away a man's honesty near about as fast as cleaning a knife with brick dust, * it takesits steel out' What does a critter get arter all for it in this country, why nothin but ex- ^'^■^ pense and disappointment. As King Solomon says (and that are 'Pi*! 'man was up to a thing or two, you may depend, tho' our professor did 4 ben ii li 50 THE CLOCKMAKER. say hewarn'tso knowin as Uncle Sam), it's all vanity and vexatidh of spirit. I raised a four year old colt once, half blood, a perfect pictur of a horse, and a genuine clipper, could gallop like the wind ; a real daisy, a perfect doll, had an eye Hke a weasel, and nostril like Commodore Rodger's speakin trumpet. Well, I took it down to the races at New York, and father he went along with me ; for says he, Sam, you don't know every thing, I guess, you hant cut your wisdom teeth yet, and you are goin among them that's had 'em through their gums this Avhile past. Well, when we gets to the races, father he gets colt and puts him in an old 'waggon, with a worn out Dutch harness and breasi band; he looked like Old Nick, that's a fact. Then he fastened a head martingale on, and buckled it to the girths atwixt his fore legs. Says I, father, what on airth are you at? I vow I feel ashamed to be seen with such a catamaran as that, and colt looks like old Saytan himself — no soul would know him. I guess I warn't born yesterday, says he, let me be, I knov\^ what I am at. I guess I'll slip it into 'em afore I've done, as slick as a whistle. I guess I can see as far intc a mill-stone as the best on' em. Well, father never entered the horse at all, but stood by and seeiJ! the races, and the winnin horse was followed about by the matter o' two or three thousand people a praisin of him and admirin him. The^i seemed as if they never had see'd a horse afore. The owner of hin was all up on eend a boastin of him, and a stumpin the course to pra duce a horse to run agin him for four hundred dollars. Father goei up to him looking as soft as dough, and as meechin as you please, anf says he, friend, it tante every one that has four hundred dollars—' its a plaguy sight of money, I tell you; would you run for one hun- dred dollars, and give me a little start? if you would, I'd try my col out of my old waggon agin you, I vow. Let's look at your horse says he ; so away they went, and a proper sight of people arter then to look at colt, and when they seed him they sot up such a larf, I fel een a most ready to cry for spite. Says I to myself, what can pos sess the old man to act arter that fashion, I do believe he has take leave of his senses. You needn't larf, says father, he's smarter tha he looks ; our Minister's old horse, Captain Jack, is reckoned as quic a beast of his age as any in our location, and that are colt can boc him for a lick of a quarter of a mile quite easy — I seed it mysel Well, they larfed agin louder than before, and says father, if yo dispute my word, try me; what odds will you give? Two to on<; says the owner — 800 to 400 dollars. Well, that's a great deal ( money, aint it, says father; if I was to lose it I'd look pretty foolisl wouldn't I. How folks would pass their jokes at me when I wei Jiome agin. You wouldn't take that are waggon and harness for fift dollars of it, would you? says he. Well, says the other, sooner tha otspi ones .dil, m,\ li,! li.SDi 'iiJIll f THE DANCING MASTER ABROAD. 51 lOisappoint you, as you seoiu to liave set your mind on losing your money, I don't care il' I do. As soon as it was settled, father drives off to the stables, and then returns mounted, with a red silk pocket handkerchief tied round his head, and colt a looking like himself, as proud as a nabob, chock full of spring like the wire eend of a bran new pair of trowser gallusses — • one said that's a plaguy nice lookin colt that old feller hasarter all; that horse will show play for it yet, says a third; and T heard one feller say, [ guess that's a regular Yankee trick, a complete take in. They had a fair start for it, and ofT they sot, father took the lead and kept it, and won the race, tho' it was a pretty tight scratch, for father was too old to ride colt, he was near about the matter of seventy .years old. J Well, when the colt was walked round after the race, there was an iamazin crowd arter him, and several wanted to buy him; but says father, how am I to get home without him, and what shall I do with > that are waggon and harness so far as I be from Slickville, So he i,l .kept them in talk, till he felt their pulses pretty well, and at last he closed with q Southerner for 700 dollars, and we returned, having limade a considerable good spec of colt. Says father to me, Sam, says he, you seed the crowd a follerin the winnin horse, when we came IIj, , there, didn't you? Yes sir, said I, I did. Well, when colt beat him, no one foUered him at all but come a crowded about him. That's popularity, said he, soon won, soon lost — cried up sky high one mi- jnute, and deserted the next, or run down ; colt will share the same I fate. He'll get beat afore long, and then he's done for. The mul- ;titude are always fickle minded. Our great Washington found that ;out, and the British Officer that beat Buonaparte; the bread they (gave him turned sour afore he got half through the loaf. His soap ^ had hardly stiflened afore it ran right back to lye and grease agin. I was sarved the same way, T liked to have missed my pension — the Committee said I warn't at Bunker's hill at all, the villans. That was a Glo (thinks I, old boy, if you once get into that are field, you'll race longer than colt, a p'.aguy sight ; you'll run clear away to the fence to the far eend afore you stop, so I jist cut in and took a hand myself). Yes, says I, you did 'em father, properly, that old waggon was a bright scheme, it led 'em on till you got 'em on the right spot, didn't it? Says father, TJieres amoral, Sam, in every tiling in natur. Never have nothintodowith elections, you see the valy of popularity in the case of that are horse — sarve the public 999 times, and the 1000th, if they don't agree with you, they desart and abuse you — see "".'!• how they sarved old John Adams, see how they let JefTerson starve in his old age, see how good old Munroe like to have got right into ,. jail, after his term of President was up. They may talk of indepen- ^ dence, says father, but Sam, I'll tell you what independence is — and lopu lar: ik 1T( \i\ rlhai 'M mpof- stale I eriliii SfjlliCj mysel I M\ loosi 52 THE CLOCKMaKER. he gave his hands a slap agin his trowsers pocket and made the golcf eagles he won at the race all jingle agin — that, says ho, giving them another wipe with his fist (and winkin as much as to say do you I'.earthat, my boy), that I call independence. lie was in great spirits, the oM man, he was so proud of winnin the race, and piittin the leake into the New Yorkers — he looked all dander. Let them great hungry, ill-favoured, long-legged bitterns, says he (only he called (hem by another name thatdon't sound quite pretty) , from the outlandish states to Congress, talk ahout independence; but Sam, said he (hitting the Shinners agin till he made them dance right up an eend in his uifj pocket), 1 like to feel it. No Sam, said he, line the pocket well first, make that independent, and then the spirit will be like a horse turned out to grass in the spring, for the first time, he's all head ajid tail, a snortin and kickin and racin and carryin on like mad — it soon gets independent too. While it's in the stall it may hold up, and paw, and whiner, and feel as spry as any thing, but the leather strap keeps it to the manger, and the lead weight to the eend of it makes it hold down its head at last. No, says he, here's independence, and he gave the Eagles such a drive with his fist, he burst his pocket, and sent a whole raft of them a spinnin down his leg to the ground. Says I, Father (and I swear I could hardly keep from larfin, he looked so peskily vexed), Father, says I, 1 guess there's a moral in that are too — Extremes nary way are none d the best. Well, well, says he (kinder snappishly), [ sup- pose you're half right, Sam, but we've said enough about it, let's drop the subject, and see if I have picked 'em all up, for my eyefr are none of the best now, I'm near hand to seventy. (lie)' I flip)-; i)[ll, B IV for slJf« [mil ::ifrlis CHAPTER XVI. MB. slick's opinion OF THE BRITISH. *■ What success had you, said I, in the sale of your Clocks among the Scotch in the eastern part of the Province? do you find them asr gullible as the blue-noses? Well, said he, you have heerd tell that a Yankee never answers one question, without axing another, haven't you ? Did you ever see an English Stage Driver make a bow ? because, if you hante obsarved it, I have, and a queer one it is, I swan. He brings his right arm up, jist across his face, and passes on, with a knowin nod of his head, as much as to say, how do you do? but keep clear o' my wheels, or I'll fetch your horses a lick in the mouth as sure as you're born; jist as a bear puts up his paw to fend off the blow of a stick from his nose. Well, that's the way I pass th^m are bare lllCJW( Mil km HIS OPINION OF THK BRITISH r)3 ,||,,l;brcechcd Scotchmen. Lord, if tliey were located down in these here j jiCumberland mashes, how the miisquitoes would tickle them up» ■ ■ wvouldn'l lhe\ ? They'd set'q^n scratchin thereabouts, as an Irish- ,| . man does his head, when he's in search of a lie. Them are fellers cut their eyi; teeth afore they ever sot foot in this country, I expect. 111 When they get a bawbee, they know what to do with it, that's a fact; , -they 0|>en liieir pouch and drop it in, and its got a sprini; like a fox- . Irap — it h(il(!s fast to all it gets, like grim death to a dead nigger. . They are proper skin flints, you may depend. Oatmeal is no great shakes at best; it tante even as good for a horse as real \ alter Varginy icorn, but I guess I warn't long in finding out that the grits hardly pay for the riddlin. No, a Yankee has as little chance among them as a Jew has in New England: the sooner he clears out the better. lYou can no more put a leake into them, than you can send a chisel into Teakewood — it turns the edge of the tool the Grst drive. If the ilue-noses knew the value of money as well as they do, they'd have ore cash, and fewer Clocks and tin rellectors, I reckon. Now, its diflerent with the Irish ; they never carry a puss, for they never have a cent to put in it. They arc always in love or in liquor, "' or else in a row; they are the merriest shavers 1 ever seed. Judge Beeler, I dare say you have heerd tell of him — he's a funny feller — he put a notice over his factory gate at Lowell, ' no cigars or Irish- • men admitted within these walls ;' for, said he, the one will set a j ;; flame agoin among my cottons, and t'other among my galls. I won't have no such inflammable and dangerous things about me on no ■' 'account. When the Brilish wanted our folks to join in the treaty to chock the wheels of the slave trade, I recollect hearin old John Adam say, we iiad ought to Immour them; for, say he, they supply us with labour on easier terms, by shippin out the Irish. Says be, they work better, and they work cheaper, and they don't live so long. The blacks, when they are past work, hang on for ever, and a pro- per bill of expense they be; but hot weather and new rum rub out the poor rates for t'other ones. The English arc the boys for tradin with ; they shell out their cash like a sheaf of wheat in frosty weather — it flies all over the thrashin ""i 'floor; but then they are a cross-grained, ungainly, kicken breed of cattle, as I een a most ever seed. Whoever gave them the name )f John Bull, knew what he was about, I tell you; for they are buU- '"'j'necked, bull-headed folks, I vow; sulky, ugly-tempered, vicious "' critters, a pawin and a roarin the whole time, and plaguy onsafe ''" unless well watched. They are as headstrong as mules, and as con- ceited as peacocks. The astonishment with which I heard thfs tirade against my coun- trymen, absorbed every feeling of resentment. 1 listened with amazement alt the perfect composure with which he uttered it. He ll)D( i m 54 THE CLOCKMAKER. treated is as one of those self-evident truths, that need neither proof nor apology, but as a thing well known and admitted by all mankind. There's no richer sight that I know of, said he, than to see one on 'em when he first lands in one of our great cities. He swells out as big as a balloon, his skin is ready to burst with wind — a regular walking bag of gas; and he prances over the pavement like a bear over hot iron — a great awkward hulk of a feller (for they ain't to be compared to the French in manners), a smirkin at you, as much as to say, 'look here, Jonathan, here's an Englishman; here's a boy that's got blood as pure as a Norman pirate, and lots of the blunt of both kinds, a pocket full of one, and a mouthful of t'other: bean't he lovely? and then he looks as fierce as a tiger, as much as to say * sayboo to a goose, if you dare.' No, I believe we may stump the Univarse; we improve on every thing, and we have improved on our own species. You'll search one, while I tell you, afore you'll find a man that, take him by and large, is equal to one of our free and enlightened citizens. He's the chap that has both speed, wind, and bottom; he's clear grit — ginger to the back bone, you may depend. Its generally allowed there ain't the beat of them to be found any where. Spry as a fox, supple as an eel, and cute as a weasej. Though I say it, that shouldn't say it, they fairly take the shine off creation — they are actilly equal to cash. He looked like a man who felt that he had expressed himself so aptly and so well, that any thing additional would only weaken its effect ; he therefore changed the conversation immediately, by point- ting to a tree at some little distance from the house, and remarking that it was the rock maple or sugar tree. Its a pretty tree, said he, and a profitable one too to raise. It will bear tapping for many yearSj^ ! tho' it get exhausted at last. This Province is like that are tree : it is tapped till it begins to die at the top, and if they don't drive in a spile and stop the everlastin flow of the sap, it will perish altogether. All the money that's made here, all the interest that's paid in it, and a pretty considerable por- I tion of rent too, all goes abroad for investment, and the rest is sent ! to us to buy bread. Its drained like a bog, it has opened and covered ' trenches all through it, and then there's others to the foot of the up- .j land, to cut off the springs. 'l Now you may make even a bog too dry ; you may take the moisture , out to that degree, that the very sile becomes dust, and blows away. ' The English funds, and our banks, railroads, and canals, are all ab-, sorbing your capital like a spunge, and will lick it up as fast as you can make it. That very Bridge we heerd of at Windsor, is owned ^ in New Brunswick, and Vill pay toll to that province. The capi-, talists of Nova Scotia treat it like a hired house, they won't keep it in lepair ; they neither paint it to presarve the boards, nor stop a leak i lleysay. iliete's «holewu scroutcli i! itn TO the lit: lisfi'avei Ws ao h xleilierai fisoldi raacl Itrsanoi tie Ale ( M if is \ life, He, id, ami km llouslit it 'lyleipi lulocli arl batlei iiiiie. b( ms OIMNION OF THE BRITISH. 55 9 keep tl:e frame from rottin ; l)Ut let it jio to ^vI•;u•k sooner than kive a nail or put in a pane of glass. It will sarve our turn out, hey say. There's neither spirit, enterprise, nor patriotism here ; but the tvhole country is as inactive as a bear in winter, that does nothin but icroutch up in his den, a thinkin to himself, " Weil, if I ain't an jnfortunate divil, it's a pity ; I have a most splendid warm coat as ire a gentleman in these here woods, let him be who he will ; but I ;ot no socks to my feet, and have to sit for everlastingly a suckin of jay paws to keep them warm ; if it warn't for that, I guess I'd make some o' them chaps that have hoofs to their feet and horns to their leads, look about 'em pretty sharp, I know. It's dismal, now ain't I? If I had the framin of the Governor's message, if I wouldn't »how 'em how to jjut timber together, you may depend ; I'd make them scratch their heads and stare, I know." I went down to IMatanzas in the Fulton Steam Boat once — well, it «vas the lirst of the kind they ever seed, and proper scared they were to see a vessel, without sails or oars, goin right strait a head, nine knots an hour, in the very wind's eye, and a great streak of smoke arter her as long as the tail of a comet. I believe they thought it was old Nickalive, a treatin himself to a swim. You could see the iMggers a clippin it away from the shore, for dear life, and the sol- diers a movin about, as if they thought that we were a goin to take the whole country. Presently a little, half-starved, orange-coloured looking Spanish officer, all dressed otfin his livery, as fine as a fiddle, came olTwith two men in a boat to board us. Well, we yawed once br twice, and motioned to him to keep off for fear he should get hurt ; but he came right on afore the wheel, and I hope I may be shot if the paddle didn't strike the bow of the boat with that force, it knocked uj) the starnlikea plank tilt, when one of the boys playing on it is heavier than t'other, and chucked him right atop of the iwheel house — vou never see'd a fellow in such a dunderment in your life. He had picked up a litle English from seein our folks there so much, and wlien he got up, the first thing he said was, ' Damn all sheenery, I say, where's my boat? and he looked round as if he thought it had jumped en board too. Your boat, said the Captain, iwhy I expect it's gone to the bottom, and your men have gone down to look arter it, for we never see'd or heerd tell of one or t'other of Ithem arter the boat was struck. Yes, I'd make 'em stare like that are Spanish officer, as if they had see'd out of their eyes for the first itime. Governor Campbell did'nt expect to see such a eountry as this "when he came here, I reckon, I know he didn't. When I was a little boy, about knee high or so, and lived down Conuccticut river, mother used to say, Sam, if you don't give over 56 J HE CLOCKMAKER. acting so like old Scratch, I'll send you oil to Nova Scotia, as sure as you are born I will, I vow. Well, Lord, how that are used to frighten me ; it made my hair stand right up on eend, like a cat's back when she's wrathy ; it made me drop it as quick as wink — like a tin night- cap put on a dipt candle agoin to bed, it put the fun right out. Neigh- bour Dearborn's darter married a gentleman to Yarmouth, that spe- culates in the smuggling line; well, when she went on board to sail down to Nova Scotia, all her folks took on as if it was a funeral ; they said she was goin lo be buried alive, like the nuns in Portengale that get a frolickin, break out of the pastur, and race ofT, and get catched and brought back agin. Says the old Colonel, her father, Delive- rance, my dear, I would sooner foller you to your grave, for that would be an eend to your troubles, than to see you go off to that dismal country, that's nothing but an iceberg aground ; and he howled as ioud as an Irishman that tries to wake his wife when she is dead. Awful accounts wo have of the country, that's a fact ; but if the Pro- vince is not so bad as they make it out, the folks are a thousand times worse. You've seen a flock of partridges of a frosty mornin in the fall, a crowdin out of the shade to a sunny spot, and huddlin up there in the warmth — well, the blue-noses have nothin else to do half the time but sun themselves. Whose fault is that? Why its the fault of the legislature ; they dont encourage internal improvement, nor tlie in-- vestment of capital in the country, and the result is apathy, inaction^ and poverty. They spend three months in Halifax, and what do they do? Father gave me a dollar once, to go to the fair at Hartford, and when I came back, says he, Sam, what have you got to show for it? Now I ax what have they to show for their three months' sitting? They mislead folks ; they make 'em believe all the use of the Assem- bly is to bark at Councillors, Judges, Bankers, and such cattle, to keep 'em from eatin up the crops; and it actilly cost more to feed them when they are watching, than all the others could eat if they did breach a fence and get in. Indeed, some folks say they are the most breachy of the two, and ought to go to pound themselves. If their fences are good, them hungry cattle couldn't break through ; and if they aint, they ought to stake 'cm up, and with Ihem well; iutii'sno use to make fences unless the land is cultivated. If I see a farm all gone to wrack, I say here's bad husbandry and bad ma- nagement ; and if I see a Province like tins, of great cai)acity and great natural resources, poverty-stricken, I say there's bad legislation. No, said he (with an air of more seriousness than I had yet ob- served), how much it is to he regretted, that, laying aside personal' attacks and petty jealousies, they would not unite as one man, and with one mind and one lieart apply themselves sedulously to the inter" A YANKEE HANDLE 57 •lal improvcnwnt and development of this beautiful Province. Its •aluc is utterly unknoti'n, either to the general or loeal Government ^ ■ « end the only persons who duly appreciate it are tlie Yankees. CHAPTER XVII. A YANKEE HANDLE FOR A HALIFAX BLADE. I MET a man this mornin, said the Clockmaker, from Halifax, a real conceited lookin critter as you een amost ever seed, all shines land didos. He looked as if he had picked up his airs, arter some lofficer of the regiiars had worn 'em out and cast 'em off. They sot ion him Hke second-hand clothes, as if they hadn't been made for him, and didn't exactly fit. He looked fine, but awkward, like a captain of militia when he gets his uniform on, to play sodger; a thinkin himself mighty hands?///?, and that all the world is a lookin at him. He marched up and down afore the street door like a peacock, las large as life and twice as natural; he had a riding whip in his hand, and every now and then struck it agin his thigh, as much as ito say, Aint that a splendid leg for a boot, now? Won't I astonish the Amherst folks, that's all? Thinks I, you are a pretty blade, aint you? I'd like to fit a Yankee handle on to you, that's a fact. When I came up, he held up his head near about as high as a Shot factory, and stood with his fists on his hips, and eyed me from head to foot, las a shakin quaker does a town lady : as much as to say, what a queer critter you be, that's toggery I never seed afore; you're some carnal-minded maiden, that's sartain. Well, says he to me, with the air of a man that chucks a cent into a beggar's hat, a fine day this, sir. Do you actilly think so, said I ? )and I gave it the real Connecticut drawl. Why, said he, quite short, lit 'if I didn't think so, 1 wouldn't say so. Well, says I, I dont know, but if I did think so, I guess I would'nt say so. Why not? says he — Because I expect, says I, any fool could see that as well as me; and then I stared at him, as much as to say, now if you like that are swap, I am ready to trade with you agin as soon as you like. Well, ho turned right round on his heel, and walked off, a whislin Yankee Doodle to himself. He looked jist like a man that finds whishn a plaguy sight easier than thinkin. Presently I heard him ax the groom who that are Yankee lookin feller was. That, said the groom; why, I guess it's Mr. Slick. Shol 1 said he, how you talk. What, Slick the Clockmaker, why it ant possible; I wish I had a known that are afore, I declare, for I have a great curiosity to see him — folks say he is amazin clever feller that 5S THE CLOCKMAKER. —and he turned and stared, as if it was old Hickory himself. TheK' he walked round and about like a pig round the fence of a potatoe- field, a watchin for a chance to cut in ; so, thinks I, I'll jist give him- something to talk about, when he gets back to the city, I'll fix a Yankee handle on to him in no time. How's times to Halifax, sir, said I. — Better, says he, much better, i business is done on a surer bottom than it was, and things look bright agin. So does a candle, says I, jist afore it goes out ; it burns up ever so high, and then sinks right down, and leaves nothin behind but grease, and an everlastin bad smell, I guess they don't know how to feed their lamp, and it can't burn long on nothin. No, sir, the jig is up with Halifax, and it's all their own fault. If a man sits at his door, and sees stray cattle in his field, a eatin up of his crop, and his neighbours a cartin off his grain, and won't so much as go, and drive 'em out, why I should say it sarves him right. I don't exactly understand, sir, said he — thinks I, it would be strange if you did, for I never see one of your folks yet that could understand a hawk from a handsaw. Well, says I, I will tell you what I mean — draw a line from Cape Sable to Cape Cansoo, right thro' the province, and it will split it into two, this way, and I cut an apple into two halves ; now, says I, the worst half, like the rotten half of the apple, belongs to Halifax, and the other and sound half belongs to St. John. Your side of the province on the sea coast is all stone — I never seed such a proper sight of rocks in my life, it's enough to starve a rabbit. Well, t'other side on the Bay of Fundy is a super- line country, there aint the beat of it to be found any where. Now, wouldn't the folks living away up to the Bay, be pretty fools to go to Halifax, when they can go to St. John with half the trouble. St. John is the natural capital of the Bay of Fundy, it will be the largest city in America next to New York. It has an immense back country as big as Great Britain, a first chop river, amazin sharp folks, most as cute as the Yankees — it's a splendid location for business. Well, they draw all the produce of the Bay shores, and where the produce goes the supplies return — it will take the whole trade of the Province ; I guess your rich folks will find they've burnt their fingers, they've put their foot in it, that's a fact. Houses without tenants, wharves, without shipping, a town without people — what a grand investment! ! If you have any loose dollars, let 'em out on mortgage in Halifax, that's the security — keep clear of the country for your life — the people may run, but the town can't. No, take away the troops and you're done — you'll sing the dead march folks did atLouisbourgand Shel- burne. Why you hant got a single thing worth bavin, but a good harbour, and as for that the coast is full on 'em. You havn't a pine log, spruce board, or a refuse shingle; you neither raise wheat, oats,> or hay, nor never can j you have no slaples on airth, unless it be them A YANKEE HANDLE. :>'.» iron ones for llio padlocks in Bridewell — you've sowed pride and reaped poverty, take care of your crop, for it's worth harvestin — you have no river and no country, what in the name of fortin, have you to trade on? But, said he (and he shewed the whites of his eyes Hke a wall- eyed horse), but, said he, Mr. Slick, how is it, then, Halifax ever grew at all, hasn't it got what it always had; it's no worse than it was. I guess, said I, that pole aint strong enough to bear you neither; if you trust to that you'll be into the brook, as sure as you arc born ; you once had the trade of the whole Province, but St. John has run off with that now — you've lost all but your trade in blue berries and rabbits with the niggers at Hammond Plains. You've lost your cus- tomers, your rivals have a better stayid for business — theyve got tJie corner store — -four great streets meet tJiere, and its near the market slip. Well, he stared ; says he, I believe you're right, but I never thought '"" of that afore (thinks I, nobody ever suspects you of the trick of I thinkin that ever I heer'd tell of) : some of our great men, said he, ," I laid it all to your folks selling so many Clocks and Polyglot Bibles, I |j I they say you have taken off a horrid sight of money. Did they, in- 1 deed, said I ; well, I guess it tante pins and needles that's the expense ' I of house-keepin, it is something more costly than that. Well, some : folks say its the Banks, says he. Better still, says I, perhaps you've ' :i heard tell too, that greasing the axle makes a gig harder to draw, for r^il there's jist about as much sense in that. Well, then, says he, others ' say it's smugglin has made us so poor. That guess, said I, is most 'as good as tother one, whoever found out that secret ought to get a ","' patent for it, for its worth knowin. Then the country has grown ^'r poorer, hasn't it, because it has bought cheaper this year, than it did the year before? Why, your folks are cute chaps, I vow ; they'd puz- zle a Philadelphia Lawyer, they are so amazin knowin. Ah, said he, and he rubb'd his hands and smiled like a young doctor, when he gets his first patient; ah, said he, if the timber duties are altered, down comes St. John, body and breeches; it's built on a poor foun- dation — its all show — they are speculatin like mad — they'll ruin themselves. Says I, if you wait till they're dead for your fortin, it willbe one while, I tell, afore you pocket the shiners. It's no joke wait- ing for a dead man's shoes. Suppose an old feller of eighty was to say when that are young feller dies, I'm to inherit his property, what would you think? Why I guess you'd think he was an old fool. JVo, sir, if tlie English dont want their timber, we do want it all, we have used ourn up, we hunt got a stick even to whittle. If the British dont offer, we will, and St. John, like a dear little weeping widow, will dry up her tears, and take, to frolickin agin and accept it riglit lats, licit 1 ^Q 1 CO THE CLOCKMAKEll. |[ There isn't at this moment such a location hardly in America, as ; St. John ; for beside all its other advantages, it has this great one, its i! only rival, Halifax, has got a dose of opium that will send it snoring ij out of the world, like a feller who falls asleep on the ice of a winter's night. It has been asleep so long, I actilly think it never will wake. Its an easy death, too, you may rouse them up if you like, but I vow i I wont. I once brought a feller too that was drowned, and one night he got drunk and quitted me, I couldn't walk for a week ; says 1, Youre the last chap I'll ever save from drowning in all my born days, if that's all the thanks I get for it. No, sir, Halifax has lost the run of its custom. Who does Yarmouth trade with? St. John. Who does Annapolis County trade with? St. John, Who do all the folks on the Basin of Mines, and Bay shore, trade with? St. John. Who does Cumberland trade with? St. John. Well, Pictou, Lunenburg, and Liverpool supply themselves, and the rest, that aint worth havin, trade with Halifax. They take down a few half-starved pigs, old viteran geese, and long legged fowls, some ram mutton and tuf beef, and swap them for lea, sugar, and such little notions for their old women to home ; while the railroads and canals of St. John are goin to cut off your Gulf Shore trade to Miramichi, and along there. Flies live in the summer and die in winter, you're jist as noisy in war as those little critters, but you sing small in peace. No, your done for, you are up a tree, you may depend, pride must fall. Your town is like a ball-room arter a dance. The folks have eat, drank, and frolicked, and left an empty house; the lamps and hangings are left, but the people are gone. Is there no remedy for this? said he, and he looked as wild as a Cherokee Indian. Thinks I, the handle is fitten on proper tight n.ow. Well, says I, when a man has a cold, he had ought to look out pretty sharp, afore it gets seated on his lungs; if he don't, he gets into a gallopin consumption, and it's gone goose with him. There is a remedy, if applied in time : mahe a railroad to Minas Basin, and you have a way for your customers to get to you, and a conveyance for your goods to them. When I was in New York last, a cousin of mine, Hezekiah Slick, said to me, I do believe, Sam, I shall be ruined; I've lost all my custom, they are widening and improving the streets, and there's so many carts and people to work in it, folks can't come to my shop to trade; what on airth shall I do, and I'm payin a dreadful high rent, too? Stop Ki, says I, when the street is all finished off and slicked up, they'll all come back agin, and a whole raft more on'em too, you'll sell twice as much as ever you did, you'll put off a proper swad of goods next year, you may depend ; and so he did, he made money, hand over hand. A railroad will bring back your customers, if done right off; but wait till trade has made new channels, and fairly gets settled in thcin, and you'll never divart it THE GRAIIAMITE. 61 agiii Jo all elarnity. When a I'ellor wails (ill a gall gets married, 1 mioss it will lie too lale to pop the (juoslion then. St. John iNf/s/ go ahead, at any rate; you />/(///, if you choose, but Miu iiuist exert yourselves, I tell you. Ha man has only one leg, md wants to walk, he must got an artificial one. If you have na ivcr, make a railroad, and that will supply its place. But, says he, Mr. Slick, people say it never will pay in the world, they say its .IS mad a scheme as the canal. Do they, indeed, says I ; send them to me then, and I'll fit the handle on to them in tu tu's. I say it \\ ill pay, and the best proof is, our folks will take tu thirds of the ^tock. Did you ever hear any one else but your folks, ax whether a ilose of medicine would pay when it was given to save life? If that verlastin long Erie canal can secure to Now York the supply of that I ir olTcountry, most tother side of creation, surely a railroad of forty- five miles can give you the trade of the Bay of Fundy. A railroad will go from Ilalifax to Windsor and make them one town, easier to send goods from one to tother, than from Governor Campbell's House io Admiral Cockburn's. A bridge makes a town, a river makes a fown, a canal makes a town, but a railroad is bridge, river, thorough- lare, canal, all in one; what a wappin large place that would make, wouldn't it? It would be the dandy, that's a fact. No, when you go back, take a piece of chalk, and the first dark night, write on every door in Halifax, in large letters — a railroad —and if they don't know the meanin of it, says you its a Yankee word; if you'll go to Sam Slick, the Clockmaker (the chap that fixed a Yankee handle on to a Halifax blade, and I made him a scrape of my leg, as much as to say that's you), every man that buys a Clock shall hear all about a Bail- road. M m CHAPTER XVIII. THE GRAHAMITE AND THE IRISH PILOT. I THINK, said I, this is a happy country, Mr, Slick. The people are fortunately all of one origin, there are no national jealousies to divide, and no very violent politics to agitate them. They apj)ear to be cheerful and contented, and are a civil, good-natured, hospitable race. Considering the unsettled state of almost every part of the world, I think I would as soon cast my lot in Nova Scotia as in any ', pfart I know of. Its a clever country, you may depend, said he, a very clever coun- try: full of mineral wealth, aboundin in superior water privileges and noble harbours, a large part of it prime land, and it is in the very >y?. THE CLOCKMAKER. heart of the fisheries. But the folks put me in mind of a sect in our country they call the Grahamites — they eat no meat and no exciting food, and drink nothin stronger than water. They call it Philosophy (and that is such a pretty word it has made fools of more folks than them afore now), but I call it tarnation nonsense. I once travelled all through the State of Maine with one of them are chaps. He was as thin as a whippin post. His skin looked like a blown bladder arter some of the air had leaked out, kinder wrinkled and rumpled like, and his eye as dim as a lamp that's livin on a short allowance of ile. He put me in mind of a pair of kitchen tongs, all legs, shaft, and head, and no belly, a real gander gutted lookin critter, as holler as a bamboo walkin cane, and twice as yaller. He actilly looked as if he had been picked offa rack at sea, and dragged through a gimlet hole. He was a lawyer. Thinks I, the Lord a massy on your clients, you hungry, half-starved lookin critter, you, you'll eat 'em up alive as sure as the Lord made Moses. You are just the chap to strain at a gnat and swallow a camel, tank, shank, and flank, all at a gulp. Well, when we came to an inn, and a beefsteak was sot afore us for dinner, he'd say : Oh that is too good for me, it's too exciting ; all fat meat is diseased meat — give me some bread and cheese. Well, I'd say, I don't know what you call too good, but it tante good enough for me, for I call it as tuf as laushong, and that will bear chawing all day. When I liquidate for my dinner, I like to get about the besi that's goin, and I an't a bit too well pleased if I don't. Exciting indeed ! ! thinks I. Lord, I should like to see you excited, if it waj only for the fun of the thing. What a temptin lookin critter you'd be among the galls, wouldn't you ? Why, you look like a subject the doctor boys had dropped on the road arter they had dug you up, anc had cut stick and run for it. Well, when tea came, he said the same thing, it's too exciting, give me some water, do; that's follorin the law of natur. Well, says I, if that's the case, you ought to eat beef; why, says he, how do yoi make out that are proposition? Why, says I, if drinking water, in- stead of tea, is natur, so is eaten grass according to natur; now al flesh is grass, we are told, so you had better eat that and call it ve- getable : like a man I once seed, who fasted on fish on a Friday, anc when he had none, whipped a leg o' mutton into the oven, and took it out fish; says he its ' chAnged plaice ,' that's all, and 'plaice' ain' a bad fish. The Catholics fast enough, gracious knows, but wher they fast on a great rousin big splendid salmon at two dollars anc forty cents, a pound, and lots of old Madeira to make it float ligh on the stomach; there's some sense in mortifying the appetite arte: that fashion, but plaguy little in your way. No, says I, friend, yoi may talk about natur as you please, I've studied natur all my life and I vow if your natur could speak out, it would tell you, it don' lean 'doJi IWJff tan-d I THE QRAIIAMITE. 63 1 Jovor half like to be starved artcr that plan. If you know'd as much |about the marks of the- mouth as I do, you'd know that you have carniverous as well as granivorous teeth, and that natur meant by jthat, you should eat most anything that arc door-keeper, your nose, would give a ticket to, to pass into your mouth. Father roilc a race at New-York course, when he was near hand to seventy, and that's more nor you'll do, I guess, and he eats as hearty as a turkey cock, and he never confined himself to water neither, when he could get (anything convened him better. Says he, Sam, grandfather Slickused to say there was an old proverb in Yorkshire, 'a full belly makes a strong back,' and I guess if you try it, natur will tell you so too. If ever you go to Connecticut, jist call into father's and he'll give you a real right down genuine New England breakfast, and if that don't happify your heart, then my name's not Sam Slick. It will make you feel about among the stiffest, I tell you. It w ill blow your jacket out like a pig at sea. You'll have to shake a reef or two out of your u J;waistbans and make good stowage, I guess, to carry it all under „ Thatches. There's nothin likeagoodpastur to cover the ribs, and make Tt^ll! the hide shine, depend on't. . ' Now this Province is like that are Grahamite lawyer's beef, it's too "^ ; good for the folks that's in it ; they either don't avail its value or won't , '!use it, because work ant arter their 'law of natur.' As you say, they . lare quiet enough (there's worse folks than the blue-noses, too, if you , '[come to that), and so they had ought to be quiet, for they have nothin . ,,iito rightabout. As for politics, they have nothin todesarve the name; , 'but they talk enough about it, and a plaguy sight of nonsense they do ,;talk, too. Now with us, the country is divided into two parties, of the mam- . mouth breed, the ins and the outs, the administration and the oppo- '.sition. But Where's the administration here? Where's the War • iOflice, the Foreign Office, and the Home Office? where's the Sec re- ■. tary of the Navy? where the State Bank? where's the Ambassadors ' [land Diplomatists ( them are the boys to wind oH'a snarl of ravelling as slick as if it were on a reel) and where's that Ship of State, fitted , up all the way from the forecastle clean up to the starn post, chuck ' , full of good snug berths, handsumly found and furnished, tier over ..tier, one aboveanother, as thick as it can hold? That's a helm worth , handlen, I tell you; I don't wonder that folks mutiny below, and ,, fight on the decks above for it — it makes a plaguy uproar the whole .time, and keeps the passengers for everlastinly in a state of alarm for ' !fear they'd do mischif by bustin thebyler, a runnin aground, or gettin foul of some other craft. ■. This Province is better as it is, quieter and happier far; they have , j berths enough and big enough, they should be careful not to increase 'em ; and if they were to do it wcr agin, perhaps they'd be as well 64 THE CLOCKMAKEK with fewer, They have two parties here, the Tory party and the Opposition party, and both on 'em run to extremes. Them radicals, ( says one, are for levellin all down to their own level, tho' not a peg [ lower; that's their gage, jist down to their own notch and no further; and they'd agitate the whole country to obtain that object, for if a man can't grow to be as tall as his neighbour, if he cuts a few inches off him why then they are both of one height. They are a most dangerous, disaffected people — they are etarnally appealin to the worst passions of the mob. Well, says t'other, them aristocrats, they'll ruinate the country, they spend the whole revenu on themselves. What with Bankers, Councillors, Judges, Bishops, and Public Offi- cers, and a whole tribe of Lawyers as hungry as hawks, and jist about as marciful, the country is devoured, as if there was a flock of lucusts a feeding on it. There's nothin left for roads and bridges. When a chap sets out to canvass, he's got to antagonise one side or t'other. If he hangs on to the powers that be, then he's a Council- man, he's for votin large salaries, for doin as the great people at Halifax tell him. He is a fool. If he is on t'other side, a railin at Banks, Judges, Lawyers, and such cattle, and baulin for what he knows he can't get, then He is a rogue. So that, if you were to listen to the weak and noisy critters on both sides, you'd believe the House of Assembly was one-lialf rogues , and f oilier half fools. All this arises from ignorance. If they knew more of each other, I guess tlieyd lay aside one-half their fears and all their abuse. Tlie upper class don't knoro one-half the virtue that's inthemiddlin and lower classes ,• and tliey dont know one-half the integrity and good feelin tliat's in the others, and both are fooled and gulled hy their own noisy and designin champions. Take any two men that are by the ears, they opinionate all they hear of each other, impute all sorts of onworthy motives, and misconstrue every act ; let them see more of each other, and they'll find out to their surprise, that they have not only been looking thro' a magnifyin glass, thatwarn't very true, but a coloured one also, that changed the complexion and distorted the features, and each one will think t'other a very good kind of chap, and like as not a plaguy pleasant one too. If I was axed which side was farthest from the mark in this Pro* vince, I vow I should be puzzled to say. As I don't belong to the country, and don't care a snap of my linger for either of 'em, I sup- pose I can judge better than any man in it, but I snore I don't think there's much difference. The popular side (I wont say patriotic, for we find in our steam-boats a man who has a plaguy sight of pro- perty in his portmanter is quite as anxious for its safety as him that's only one pair of yarn stockings and a clean shirt, is for hisn) the f)opular side are not so well informed as tother, and they have the misfortin of havin their passions addressed more than their reason, 5 THE GUAHAMITE. 65 ithererore they arc often out of the way, or rather leil out of it, and 'put astray by l)atl guides ; well, tother side have the prejudices of 'birth and education to dim their vision, and are alarmed to under- 5take a thing, from the dread of ambush or open foes, that their guides are eternally descrying in the mist — and hcskic, powder has a natcral \tcndcnctj to corpulency. As for them guides, I'd make siiort work of 'em if it was me. In the last war with Britain, the Constitution frigate was close in 'once on the shores of Ireland, a lookin arter some marchant ships, and she took on board a pilot; well, he was a deep, sly, twistical iookin chap, as youeen amost ever seed. He had a sort of dark down 'look about him, and a learoul of the corner of one eye, like a horse 'that's goin to kick. The captain guessed he read in his face 'well, inow, if I was to run this here Yankee right slap on a rock and bilge [her, the King would make a man of me for ever.' So, says he to the Iflrst leftenant, reeve a rope thro' that are block at the tip eend of the !fore yard, and clap a runnin nuse in it. The Leftenant did it as quick 'as wink, and came back, and says he, I guess it's done. Now, says Hhe Ca|itain, look here, pilot, here's a rope you han't seed yet, I'll jist ^.explain the use of it to you in case you want the loan of it. If this ■ihere frigate, manned wilh our free and enlightened citizens, gets faground, I'll give you a ride on the slack of that are rope, right up to that yard by the neck, by Gum. Well, it rub'd all the writin out of "his face, as quick as spitten on a slate takes a sum out, you may de- •pend. Now, they should rig up a crane over the street door of the JState House at Halifax, and when any of the pilots at either eend of 'the buildin, run 'em on the breakers on purpose, string 'em up like an 'onsafe dog. A sign of that are kind, with ' a house of public enter- •tainment,' painted under it, would do the business in less than no time. If it wouldn't keep the hawkes out of the poultry yard, it's a 'pity — it would scare them out of a year's growth, that's a fact — if •they used it once, I guess they wouldn't have occasion for it agin in 'a hurry — it would be like the Aloe tree, and that bears fruit only once ;in a hundred years. *l I If you want to know how to act any time, squire, never go to books, leave them to galls and school boys ; but go right olTand cy- :pher it out of natur, that's a sure guide, it will never deceive you, jyou may, depend. For instance, mliafsthat to me, is a phrase so s'rt 'common that it shows it's a nateral one, when people have no j)arti- ■'cular interest in a thing. Well, when a feller gets so warm on either vide as never to use that phrase at all, watch him, that's all! keep \our eye on him, or he'll walk right into you afore you know where \ou be. If a man runs to me and says, ' your fenc(; is down,' thank ou, says I, that's kind — if he comes agin and says, ' I guess some iray cattle have broke into your short sarce garden,' I liiank him ISOM ' 5 66 THE CLOCKMAKER. agin; says I, come now, this; is neighborly; but when he keeps etar- nally tellin me this thing of one sarvant, and that thing of another sarvant, hints that my friends an't true, that my neighbours are inclined to take advantage of me, and that suspicious folks are seen about my place, I say to myself, what onairth makes this critter take such a wonderful interest in my affairs? I dont like to hear such tales — he's arter somethin as sure as the world, if he warnt he'd say, ' what's that to me.' I never believe much what I heard said by a man' s viole?it friend, or violent enemy , I want to hear what a disinterested man has to say — now, as a disinterested man, I say if the members of the House ofAssemhly, instead of raisin up ghosts and hohgohlins to frighten follcs with, and to show what swordsmen, they he, acuttin and thrustin at phantoms that only exist in their owrl brains, would turn to heart and hand, and develope the resources of this fine country, facilitate the means of transport — promote its in- . ternal improvement, and encourage its foreign trade, tliey would maTie it the richest and greatest, as it now is one of the happiest sec- tions of all America — / hope I may be sMnned if they wouldnt — they would, I s)van. CHAPTER XIX. THE CLOCKMAKER QCILTS A BLUE-NOSE. m The descendants of Eve have profited little by her example. The curiosity of the fair sex is still insatiable, and, as it is often ill-direct- ed, it frequently terminates in error. In the country this feminine propensity is troublesome to a traveller, and he who would avoid importunities, would do well to announce at once, on his arrival at a Cumberland Inn, his name and his business, the place of his abode, and the length of his visit. Our beautiful hostess, Mrs. Pugwash, as she took her seat at the, breakfast table this morning, exhibited the example that suggested these reflections. She was struck with horror at our conversation, the latter part only of which she heard, and of course misapplied and misunderstood. She was run down by the President, said I, and has been laid up for some time. Gulard's people have stripped her, in consequence of her making water so fast. Stripped whom ? said Mrs. Pugwash, as she suddenly dropped the tea-pot from her hand ; stripped whom, — for heaven's sake tell me who it is? The Lady Ogle, said I. Ladj Ogle, said she, how horrid I Two of her ribs were so broken as tc require to be replaced with new ones. Two new ribs, said she, well, 1 to I lil'ftpOi *\ Kill iiid bi iilt l?o( HE QUILTS A BLUE-NOSE. 61 •never heerd the beat of that in all my bom days; poor critter, ho\Y lahe must have suITered. On examining her below the waist they Sfound — Examining her still lower, said she (all the pride of her sox irevoltingat the ideaof suchan indecent exhibition), you don't pretend !to say they stripped her below the waist ; what did the Admiral say? '-Did he stand by and see her handled in that way? The Admiral, Iraadam, said I, did not trouble his head about it. They found her lextremely unsound there ,and much worm eaten. Worm eaten, she .continued, how awful 1 it must have been them nasty jiggers that got l\ 'in there ; Ihey tell me they are dreadful thick in the West Indies ; Joe ^Crow^ had them in his feet, and lost two of his toes. Worm eaten, 'dear, dear 1 1 but still that aint so bad as having them great he fellows jstrip one. I promise you if them Gulardshad undertaken to strip me, SIM taught them ditlerent guess manners; I'd died first before I'd sub- imitted toil. lalwayheerd tell the English quality ladies were awful ibold, but I never heerd tlic like o' that. I What on airth are you drivin at? said Mr. Slick, I never seed •you so much out in your latitude afore, marm, I vow. We were talking of repairin a vessel, not strippin a woman : what under the isun could have put that are crotchet into your head? Siio looked mor- tified and humbled at the result of her own absurd curiosity, and soon quitted the room. I thought I should have snorted right out two or three times, said the Clockmaker ; I had to pucker up my mouth like the upper eend of a silk puss, to keep from yawhawin in her face, to hear the critter let her clapper run that fashion. She is not the first ;hand that has caught a lobster, by puttin in her oar afore her turn, li ;I guess. She'll mind her stops next hitch, I reckon. This was our tetll last breakfast at Amherst. iij ; An early frost that smote the potaloe fields, and changed thebeau- Itiful green colour of the Indian corn into shades of light yellow, and Idark brown, reminded me of the presence of autumn — of the season lof short days and bad roads, I determined to proceed at once to Parrs- I boro, and thence by the Windsor and Kentville rout to Annapolis, all Yarmouth, and Shelburne, and to return, by the shore road, through sests '.Liverpool and Lunenburg to Halifax. I therefore took leave (though latioi inot without much reluctance) of the Clockmaker, whose intention iu ihad been to go to Fort Lawrence. Well, said he, I vow I am sorry to part company along with you; a considerable long journey like ai(!i Journ, is like sitting up late with the galls, a body knows its getting ifleiiii Ion pretty well towards mornin, and yet feels loth to go to bed, for its [wasl just the time folks grow sociable. slMJi ; I got a scheme in my head, said he, that I think will answer both ,ljj( [on us ; I got debts due to me in all them are places fur Clocks sold nail! iby the concarn, now suppose you leave your horse on these marshes ,y.". this fall, he'll get as fat as a fool, he won't be able to see out of his 68 THE CLOCKMAKER. ^ eyes in a month, and I'll put * Old Clay (I call him Clay arter our se- nator, who is a prime bitof stufljinto a Yankee waggon 1 have here, and drive you all round the coast. This was too good an offer to be declined. A run at grass for my horse, an easy and comforlable waggon, and a guide so original and amusing as Mr. Slick, were either of them enough to induce my ac- quiescence. As soon as we had taken our seats in the waggon, he observed, We shall progress real handsum now ; that are horse goes etarnal fast, he near about set my axle on fire twice. He's a spanker you may depend. I had him when he was a two year old, all legs and tail, like a devil's darnin needle, and had him broke on purpose by father's old nigger, January Snow. He knows English real well, and can do near about any tiling but speak it. He helped me once to ginn a blue-nose a proper handsum quiltin. He must have stood a poor chance indeed, said I, a horse kicking, and a man striking him at the same time. Oh ! not arter that pattern all, said he; Lord, if Old Clay had kicked him; he'd a smashed him like that are saucer you broke at Pugnose's inn, into ten hundred thousand million flinders. Oh ! no, if I didn't fix his flint for him in fair play, it's a pity. I'll tell you how it was. I was up to Truro, at Ezra Whitter's Inn. There was an arbitration there atween Deacon Text and Deacon Faith- ful. Well, there was a nation sight of folks there, for tliey said it was a biter bit, and they came to witness the sport, and to see which critterf would get the earmark. Well, I'd been doin a little business there among the folks, and had jist sot off for the river, mounted on Old Clay, arter takin a glass of Ezra's most particular handsum Jamaiky, and wastrottin ofTpretty slick, when who should I run agin but Tim Bradley. He is a dread- ful hugly, cross-grained critter, as you een amost ever seed, when he is about half-shaved. Well, I stopped short, and says I, Mr. Bra- 'Mhi dley, I hope you beant hurt; I'm proper sorry I run agin you, you itoei; can't feel uglier than I do about it, I do assure you. He called me a tosavr Yankee pedlar, a cheatin vagabond, a wooden nutmeg, and threw a )Wf good deal of assorted hardware of that kind at me ; and the crowd of 'wis folks cried out, Down with the Yankee, let him have it, Tim, teach jfirlic him better manners; and they carried on pretty high, I tell you. lifWij Well, I got my dander up too, I felt all up on cend like; and, thinks ' ffiij 1 to myself, my lad, if I get a clever chance, I'll give you such a ' iiinte quiltin as you never had since you were raised from a seedlin, I vow.* i pti So, says I, Mr. Bradley, I guess you had better let me be; you know ' ibort I can't fight no more than a cow — I neverwasbrought'upto wranglin, jenti and I don't like it. Haul olf the cowardly rascal, thoy all bawled out, ' ki haul him oif, and lay it inlo bim. So he lays rigbt hold of me by the collar, and gives me a pull, and I lets on as if I'd lost my balance, and HE QUILTS A BLUi:-NOSli; 6'J ^alls ri^ht duwii. Then 1 jumps up on otMul, and says, I ' go ahead, illay,' and the oKl orse besets ofl' ahead, so I knew 1 had him when I wiinfed him. Then, says I, I hope you are satisfied now, Mr. Oradley, witii that are un<:enleel fall you ginn me. Well, he makes I blow at me, and I dodged it; now, says I, you'll he sorry lor this, I t<'ll you; [ won't be treated this way for nothiii ; I'll go right olV md swear my life again you, I'm most afeerd you'll murder me. Well, he strikes at me again (thinking he had a genuine soft horn to deal with), and hits me in the shoulder. Now, says I, I won't stand here to be lathered like a dog all day long this fashion, it tante l)retty at all, I guess I'll give you a chase for it. Otf I sets artcr my horse like mad, and he arter me ([ did that to get clear of the crowd, so that I might have fair play at him). Well, 1 soon found I had the heels of him, and could play him as I liked. Then I slackened up a little, and when he came close up to me, so as nearly to lay his hand upon me, I squatted right whap down, all short, and he pitched over mfr near about a rod or so, I guess, on his head, and plowed up the ground with hio nose, the matter of a foot or two. If he didn't polish up the coulter, and both mould boards of his face, it's a pity. Wow, says I, you had better lay where you be and let me go, for I am proper tired; I blow like a horse that's got the heaves; and be- sides, says I, I guess you had better wash your face, for I am most a feard you hurt yourself. That ryled him properly ; I meant that it should; so he ups and at me awful spiteful, like a bull ; then I lets him have it, right, left, right, jist three corkers, beginning with the right hand, shifting to the left, and then with the right hand agin. This way I did it, said the Clockmaker (and he showed me the manner in which it was done), it's a beautiful way of hitting, and always does the business — a blow for each eye, and one for the mouth. It sounds like ten pounds ten on a blacksmith's anvil; I bunged up both eyes for him, and put in the dead lights in two tu's and drew three of his teeth, quicker a plaguy sight than the Truro doctor could, to save his soul alive. Now, says I, my friend, when you recover your eye-sight, I guess you'll see your mistake — I warn't born in the iwoods to be scared by an owl. The next time you feel in a most particular elegant good humour, come to me, and I'll play you the Second part of that identical same tune, that's a fact. With that, I whistled for Old Clay, and back he comes, and I mounted and off, jist as the crowd came up. The folks looked stag- Igered, and wondered a little grain how it was done so cleverly in short metre. If I didn't quilt him in no time you may depend; 1 went right slap into him, like a (lash of lightning into a gooseberry bush. He found his suit ready made and fitted afore he thought ho was half measured. Thinks I, friend Bradley, I hope you know yourself now, for I vow no livin soul would; you've swallowed your 70 THE CLOCKMAKER. soup without singin out scaldins, and you're near about a pint and a half nearer cryin than larfin. hM Yes, as I was sayin, this 'Old Clay' is a real knowin one, he's as **-°" spry as a colt yet, clear grit, ginger to the back bone; I can't help a thinkin sometimes the breed must have come from old Kentuck, half horse, half alligator, with a cross of the airthquake. I hope I may be tee-totally ruinated, if I'd take eight hundred dollars for him. Go ahead, you eld chnker built villain, said he, and show the gentleman how wonderful hdnidsiwi you can travel. Give him the real Connecticut quick step. That's it — that's the way to carry the President's message to Congress, from Washington to New York, in no time — that's the go to carry a gall from Coston to Rhode Island, and trice her up to a Justice to be married, afore her father's out of bed of a summer's mornin. Aint he a beauty? a real doll? none of your Cumberland critters, that the more you quilt them, the more they won't go; but 'a proper one, that will go free gratis for nothin, all out of his own head \o\unterril^. Yes, a horse like ' Old Clay,' is worth the whole seed, breed and generation, of them Am- herst beasts put together. He's a horse, every inch of him, stock, lock, and barrel, is old Clay. CHAPTER XX. I SISTER SALL's courtship. f There goes one of them are everlastin rottin poles in that bridge j they are no better than a trap for a critter's leg, said the Clockmaker. They remind me of a trap Jim Munroe put his foot in one night, that near about made one leg half a yard longer than tother. I believe 1 told you of him, what a desperate idle feller he was — he came from Onion County in Connecticut. Well, he was courtin Sister Sail — she was a real handsum looking gall ; you scarce ever seed a more out and out complete critter than she was — a fine figur head, and a beautiful model of a craft as any in the state ; a real clipper, and as ful of fun and frolic as a kitten. Well, he fairly turned Sail's head ; the more we wanted her to give him up, the more she would'nt, aad we got plaguy oneasy about it, for his character was none of the best. He was a univarsal favourite with the galls, and tho' he didn'^t behave very pretty neither, forgetting to marry where he promised, and where he hadn't ought to have forgot, too; yet so it was, he had such an uncommon winnin way with him, he could talk them over in no time— Sail was fairly bewitched. 1 sajsi«( stead)' aS' fe, i'«s, IBM a •I' ail iio ■m ij[ liblll: SISTER SALLS COURTSHIP. 71 j At last, father said to him one evening when he came a courtin, fim, says he, you'll never come to no good, if you act like old Scratch IS you do; you aint fit to come into no decent man's house, at all, md your absence would be ten times moTC agreeable than your com- pany, I tell you. I won't consent to Sail's goin to them are huskin jpartios and quiltin frolics along with you no more, on no account, for you know how Polly Brown and Nancy White . Now don't, Jul isays he, now don't, Uncle Sam; say no more about that; if you know'd all you wouldn't say it was my fault ; and besides, I have turned right about, I am on tother tack now, and the long leg, too;^ I am as jteady as a pump bolt, now. I intend to settle myself and take a farm. liodilYes, yes, and you could stock it, too, by all accounts, pretty well, un- less you are much misreported, says father, but it won't do. I knew four father, he was our sargeant, a proper clever and brave man he seas, too; he was one of the heroes of our glorious revolution. I ;{, bad a great respect for him, and I am sorry, for his sake, you will '01 act as you do; but I tell you once for all, you must give up all thoughts of Sail, now and for everlastin. When Sail heerd this, jujr she began to nit away like mad in a desperate hurry — she looked foolish enough, that's a fact. First she tried to bite in her breath, and look as if there was nothin particular in the wind, then she blushed all over like scarlet fever, but she recovered that pretty soon, and then her colour went and came, and came and went, till at last she grew as white as chalk, and down she fell slap oITher seat ion the floor, in a faintin fit. I see, says father, I see it now, you '.etarnal villain, and he made a pull at the old fashioned sword, that ^always hung over the fire place (we used to call it old Bunker, for his 'stories always begun, 'when I was at Bunker's hill'), and drawing It out ho made a clip at him as wicked as if he was stabbing a rat uBwith a hay-fork; but Jim, he outs of the door like a shot, and draws "it to arter him, and father sends old Bunker right through the panel. I'll chop you up as fine as mince moat, you villain, said he, if ever Icatch you inside my door again ; mind what! tell you, ^Yoiillsniiny fof it yet.' Well, he made himself considerable scarce arler that,. !he never sot foot inside the door again, and 1 thought he had ginn i[> all hopes of Sail, and she of him; when one night, a most par-, (icular uncommon dark night, as I was a comin home from neigh- l)oiir Dearborne's, I heerd some one a talkin under Sail's window. Well, I stops and listens, and who should be near the ash saplin, but lim Munroe, a tryin to persuade Sail to run oil with him to Rhode Island to be married. It was all settled, he should come with a horse and sliay to the gate, and then help her out of the window, jist at nine o'clock, about the time she commonly went to bed. Then ho a\es her to reach down her hand for him to kiss (for he was proper clever at soft sawder) and she stretches it down and he kisses it ; and 72 THE CLOCKMAKER. says he, I believe I must have the whole of you out arter all, and gives her a jirk that kinder startled her: it came so sudden Uke, it made her scream ; so off he sot hot foot, and over the gate in no time. Well, 1 cyphered over this all night, a calculating how I should reciprocate that trick with him, and at last I hit on a scheme. I recol- lected father's words at partin ' mind 7vhat I tell you, you II saving for it yet;' and thinks I, friend Jim, I'll make that prophecy come true, yet, I guess. So the next nighty jist at dark, I gives January Snow, the old nigger, a nidge with my elbow, and as soon as he looks up, I winks and walks out and he arter me — says I, January, can you keep your tongue within your teeth, youold nigger you? Why massa, why you ax that are question? my Gor Ormity, you tink old Snow he dont know that are yet; my tongue he got plenty room now, debil a tooth left, he can stretch out ever so far ; like a little login a big bed, he lay quiet enough, massa, neber fear. Well, then, says I, bend down that are ash saplin softly, you old Snowball, and make no noise. The saplin was no sooner bent than secured to the ground by a notched peg and a noose, and a slip knot was suspended from the tree, jist over the track that led from the pathway to the house. Why, my Cior, massa that's a — . Hold your mug, you old nigger, says I, or I'll send your tongue a sarchin arter your teeth ; keep quiet, and follow me in presently. * Well, jist as it struck nine o'clock, says I, Sally, hold this here hank of twine for a minute, till I wind a trifle on it off; that's a dear critter. She sot down her candle, and I put the twine on her hands, and then I begins to wind and wind away ever so slow, and drops the ball every now and then, so as to keep her down stairs. Sam, says she, I do believe you won't wind that are twine off all night , do give it to January , I won't stay no longer, I'm een amost dead asleep. The old feller's arm is so plaguy onstcady, says I, it won't do; but hark, what's that, I'm sure I heerd something in the ash saplin, didn't you, Sail? I heerd the geese there, that's all, says she ; they always come under the windows at night; but she looked scared enough, and says she, I wow I'm tired a holdin out of arms this way, and I won't do it no longer ; and down shethrow'd thehankon the floor. AVell,says I, stop one minute, dear, till I send old January out to see if any body is there ; perhaps some o' neighbour Dearborne's cattle have broke into the sarce garden. January went out, tho' Sail say'd it was no use, for she knew the noise of the geese, they always kept close to the house at night, for fear of the varmin. Presently in runs old Snow, with his hair standin up an eend, and the whites of his eyes lookin as big as the rims of a soup plate; Oh ! Gor Ormity, said he, oh massa, oh Miss Sally, oh!! What on airth is the matter with you, said Sally, how you do frighten me, I vow I believe you're ma4 *m IV b low oiit SISTRR SALI.'S COLIUTSIUP. 7S —oh my Gor, said he, oh ! massa Jim Miinroe he hann liimsell', on he ash saplin under Miss Sally's window — oh my Gor ! ! ! That shot vas a settler, it stuck poor Sail right nfwixt wind and water; she ,iid she, it's the foolery of being Governor; if you choose to sacrilico all your comfort to being the first rung in the ladder, don't blame me for it. I didn't nominate you. 1 had not art nor part in it. It was ooked up at that are Convention, at Town Ilall. Well, ho sot for --.ome time without sayin a word, lookin as black as a thunder cloud, just ready to make all natur crack agin. At last he gets up, and ^alks round behind his wife's chair, and taking her face between is two hands, he turns it up, and gives her a buss that went ofl' like 9 pistol — it fairly made my mouth water to see him; thinks I, them lips aint a bad bank to deposit one's spare kisses in, neither. In- ( roase, my dear, said he, I believe you are half right, I'll decline i to-morrow, I'll have nothin to do with it — / tcoiit he a Governor, i ' on no account. m\ Well, she had to haw and gee like, both a little, afore she could iW get her head out of his hands; and then she said, Zachariah, says C"! she, how you do act, aint you ashamed? Do for gracious sake behave yourself; and she coloured up all over like a crimson piany ; if you hav'n't foozled all my hair too, that's a fact, says she; and I ishe put her curls to rights, and looked as pleased as fun, though poutin all the time, and walked right out of the room. Presently in come two well-dressed house-helps, one with a splendid gilt lamp, a real London touch, and another with a tea tray, with a large solid silver cotfee-pot, and tea-pot, and a cream jug and sugar bowl of the same genuine metal, and a most elegant set of real gilt china. IliJi Then came in Marm Crowningshield herself, lookin as proud as if she lall would not call the President her cousin : and she gave the Lawyer a wuf look, as much as to say, I guess when Mr. Slick is gone, I'Hjpay you erl! off that are kiss with interest, you dear you — I'll answer a bill at m- sight for it, I will, you may depend. tani . I believe, said he agin, you are right, Increase, my dear; its an )liii expensive kind of honour that bein Governor, and no great thanks W! neither; great cry and little wool, all talk and no cider — its enough tlial I guess for a man to govern his own family, aint it, dear? Sartin, m my love, said she, sartin, a man is never so much in his own erei .proper sphere as there ; and beside, said she, his will is supreme to eir, home, there is no danger of any one non-concurring him there, yii and she gave me a sly look, as much as to say, I let him think ell he is master in his own house, /or when ladies wear the breeches, their petticoats ought to be Jong cno7fr/h to hide them ; but I allot, Mr. id\ SUck, you can see with half an eye that the ' grey mare is the bet- aiil ter horse here.' \i\ What a pity it is, continued the Clockmaker, that the blue-noses fli would not take a leaf out of Marm Crowningshield's hook — talk llj more of their own affairs, and loss of politics. I'm sick of tb.e 7f. THE CLOCKMAKEli. everlastin sound of ' House of Assembly,' and ' Council,' and ' great folks.' They never alleviate talking about them from July toetar- nity. (' I had a curious conversation about politics once, away up to the I right here. Do you see that are house, said he, in the field, that's got a lurch to leeward, like a north river sloop, struck with a squall, oflf West Point, lopsided like? It looks like Seth Pine, a tailor down to Hartford, that had one leg shorter than tother, when he stood at case at militia trainin, a restin on the littlest one. Well, : I had a special frolic there the last time I passed this way. I lost I the linch pin out of my forred axle, and I turned up there to get ; it sot to rights. Just as I drove through the gate, I saw the eldest gall a makin for the house for dear life — she had a short petticoat on that looked like a kilt, and her bare legs put me in mind of the long shanks of a bittern down in a rush swamp, a drivin away like mad full chizel arter a frog. I could not think what on airth was the matter. Thinks I, she wants to make herself look decent like afore I get in, she don't like to pull her stockings on afore me; so I pulls up the old horse, and let her have a fair start. Well, when I came to the door, I heerd a proper scuddin ; there was a regular .; flight into Egypt, jist such a noise as little children make when the : mistress comes suddenly into school, alia huddlin and scroudgin into . their seats, as quick as wink. Dear me, says the old woman, as she s put her head out of a broken window to avail who it was, is it you, Mr. Slick ? I sniggers, if you did not frighten us properly, we actilly ' thought it was the Sheriff; do cc^ie in. Poor thing, she looked half starved and half savage, hunger and temper had made proper strong lines in her face, like water furrows , in a ploughed field ; she looked bony and thin, like a horse that has ' had more work than oats, and had a wicked expression, as though it warnt over safe to come too near her heels — an everlastin kicker. You may come out, John, said she to her husband, its only Mr. Slick; and out came John from under the bed backwards, on all fours, like an ox out of the shooin frame, or a lobster skullin wrong ecnd fore- most — he looked as wild as a hawk. Well, I swan I thought I should have split, I could hardly keep from bursting right out with larfter — he was all covered with feathers, lint, and dust, the savins of all the sweepins since the house was built, shoved under there for tidiness. He actilly sneezed for the matter of ten minutes — he seemed half choked with the flaffand stuff that came out with him like a cloud. Lord, he looked like a goose halfpicked, as if all the quills were gone, but the pen feathers and down were left, jist ready for singin and stufTin. He put me in mind of a sick Adjutant, a great tall hulkin ' bird, that comes from the East Indgies, amost as high as a man, and most as knowin as a blue-nose. I'd a ginn a hundred dollars to , SETTING UP FOR GOVERNOR. lave had that cliap as a show at a fair — tar and feathers warn'l hall" IS nateral. You've seen a gall both larf and cry at the same lime, lante you ? well I hope I may be shot if I couldn't have done the lame. To see that critter come like a turkey out of a bag at Christmas, o be fireil at for ten cents a shot, was as good as a play ; but to look 'ound and see the poverty — the half naked children — the old pine stumps for chairs — a small bin of poor watery yaller potatoes in the •orner — daylight through the sides and roof of the house, lookin like he tarred seams of a ship, all black where the smoke got out — no itcnsils for cookin or catin — and starvation wrote as plain as a hand- bill on their holler cheeks, skinney lingers, and sunk eyes, went right straigbt to the heart. I do declare I believe I should have cried, only they didn't seem to mind it themselves. They had been used to it, ike a man that's married to a thunderin ugly wife, he gets so accus- likBtomed to the look of her everlastin dismal mug, that he don't think !her ugly at all. Well, there was another chap a settin by the Are, and he did look as if he saw it and felt it too, he didn't seem over half pleased, you may depend. He was the District Schoolmaster, and he told me he was takin a spell at boardin there, for it was their turn to keep him. Thinks I to myself, poor devil, you've brought your pigs to a pretty Imarket, that's a fact. I see how it is, the blue-noses can't 'cypher.' The cat's out of the bag now — it's no wonder they don't go ahead, for they don't know nothin — the * Schoolmaster is abroad,' with the devil to it, for he has 7io home at all. Why, Squire, you might jist as well expect a horse to go right olTin gear, before he is halter broke, as a blue-nose to get on in the world, when he has got no schooUn. But to get back to my story. Well, says I, how's times with you, Mrs. Spry? Dull, says she, very dull, there's no markets now, things mi don't fetch nothin. Thinks I, some folks hadn't ought to complain of markets, for they don't raise nothin to sell, but I didn't say so; lid \for poverty is keen enough, without sJiarpenin// its edge hy pokinf/ \fun at it. Potatoes, says I, will fetch a good price this fall, lor it's a short crop in a general way; how's your'n? Ctrand, says she, as icompletc as ever you seed; our tops were small and didn't look well; !i)ut we have the handsomest bottoms, its generally allowed, in all iour place; you never seed the beat of them, they are actilly worth lookin at. I vow 1 had to take a chaw of tobacky to keep from lil snorting right out, it sounded so queer like. Thinks I to myself, old • lady, it's a pity you couldn't be changed eend for eend then, as some iK jfolks do their stockings; it would improve the look of your dial-plate 'amazingly then, that's a fact. • Now there was human natur, squire, said the Clockmaker, there twas pride even in that hovel. It is found in rags as well asking's mil' 78 THE CLOCKMAKER. robes, where butter is spread with the thumb as well as the silver r knife, natur is natur mlierever you find it. Jist then, in came one or two neighbours to see the sport, for they took me for a sheriff or constable, or something of that breed, and when they saw it was me they sot down to hear the news ; they fell right too at politics as keen as anything, as if it had been a dish of real Connecticut Slaps Jacks, or Hominy; or what is better still, a glass of real genuine splendid mint julep, wlie-eu-up, it fairly makes my mouth water to think of it. I wonder, says one, what they will do for us tliis winter in the House of Assembly? Nothin, says the other, they never do nothin but what the great people at Halifax tell 'em. Squire Yeoman is the man, he'll pay up the great folks this hitch, he'll let 'em have their own, he's Jist the boy that can do it. Says I, I wish I could say all men were as honest then, for I am- afear'd there are a great many won't pay me up this winter; I should like to trade with your friend, who is he? Why, says he, he is the member for Isle Sable County, and if he don't let the great folks have' 'i it, it's a pity. Who do you call great folks, for, said I, I vow I havn't see'd one since I came here. The only one that I know- that comes near hand to one is Nicholas Overknocker, that lives ^ all along shore, about Margaret's Bay, and Tic is a great man, it takes a yoke of oxen to drag him. AVhen I first see'd him, says ) I, what on airth is the matter o' that man, has he the dropsy, for , '"« he is actilly the greatest man I ever see'd; he must weigh the matter of five hundred weight ; he'd cut three inches on the rib, he must have a proper sight of lard, that chap? No, says I, don't call 'em great men, for there ain't a great- man in the country, that's a fact; there ain't one that desarves the name ; folks will only larf al you if you talk that way. There may be some rich men, and I be- lieve there be, and it's a pity there warn't more on 'em, and a still greater pity they have so little spirit or enterprise among 'em, but a country is none the worse of having rich men in it, you may depend. Great folks ! well, come, that's a good joke, that bangs the bush. No my friend, says I, the meat that's at the top of the barrel, is some- times not so good as that's a little grain lower down; the upper and lower eends are plaguy apt to have a little taint in 'etn, hut the middle is ahr ays good. Well, says the blue-nose, perhaps they beant great men, exactly in that sense, but they are great men compared to us poor folks'' • '"# and they eat up all the revenue, there's nothin left for roads and bridges, they want to ruin the country, that's a fact. Want to ruir your granny, says I (for it raised my dander to hear the critter talk such nonsense), I did hear of one chap, says I, that sot fire to his own house once, up to Squantum, but the cunnin rascal insured it .sal krotl 1)1 on '!i%. SETTING UP FOR GOVERNOR. 19 irst; now how can your great folks ruin the country without ruinin lemselves, unless they have insured the Province? Our folks will jisuro all creation for half nothin, but I never heerd tell of a puntry being insured agin rich men. Now if you ever go to Wall jtreet, to get such a policy, leave the door open behind you, that's ;ll ; or they'll grab right hold of you, shave your head and blister ., clap a straight jacket on you, and whip you right into a mad ,ouse, afore you can say Jack Robinson. No, your great men are |Othin but rich men, and I can tell you for your comfort, there's ,othin to hinder you from bein rich too, if you will take the same kieans as they did. They were once "all as poor folks as you be, or iieir fathers afore them; for I know their whole breed, seed, and jCneration, and they wouldn't thank you to tell them that you knew |aeir fathers and grandfathers, I tell you. If ever you want the i)an of a hundred pounds from any of them, keep dark about that — ^e as far ahead as you please, but it tante always pleasant to have ilks see too far back. Perhaps they be a little proud or so, but that's atcral; all folks that grow up right oil", like a mushroom in one ight, are apt to think no small beer of themselves. A cabbage has laguy large leaves to the bottom, and spreads them out as wide •< an old woman's petticoats, to hide the ground it sprung from, nd conceal its extraction, but what's that to you? If they get too irge salaries, dock 'em down at once, but don't keep talkin about it ir everlastinly. If you have too many sarvants, pay some on 'em II", or when they quit your sarvice don't hire others in their room, . lat's all ; but you miss your mark when you keep firin away the ,, hole blessed time that way. I I went out a gunnin when I was a boy, and father went with me ,) teach me. Well, the first flock of plover I see'd I let slip at them ind missed them. Says father, says he, What a blockhead you be, .am, that's your own fault, they were too far ol\, you hadn't ought p have fired so soon. At Bunker's hill we let the British come right lin till we see'd the whites of their eyes, and then we let them have ; slap bang. Well, I felt kinder grigged at missin my shot, and I idn't over half like to be scolded too; so, says I, Yes, father; but iCcoUect you had a mud bank to hide behind, where you were proper afe, and you had a rest for your guns too ; but as soon as you see'd little more than the whites of their eyes, you run for your dear life, ill split, and so I don't see much to brag on in that arter all, so come _ ow. I'll teach you to talk that way, you puppy, you, said he, of J iliat glorious day ; and he fetched me a wipe that I do believe, if I ladn't a dodged, would have spoiled my gunnin for that hitch; so I :ave him a wide birth arter that all day. Well, the next time I iiissed, says I, she hung fire so everlastinly, it's no wonder, and the lext miss, says I, the powder is no good, I vow. Well, I missed It's a 'he you clod 80 THE CLOCKIVIAKER. every shot, and I had an excuse for every one on 'em — the Hint was bad, or she flashed in the pan, or the shot scaled, or something or another; and when all wouldn't do, I swore the gun was no good at" "i,\ all. Now, says father (and he edged up all the time, to pay meofil; w for that hit at his Bunker hill story, which was the only shot I didn't miss), you han't got the right reason arter all. It was your own fault, Sam, Now that's jist the case with you ; you may blame Banks and Council, and House of Assembly, and 'the great men,' till you are tired, but it's all your own fault — yotcve no spirit and no enterprise^ you want industry and economy; use them, audyoull soon he as rich as the people at Halifax you call great folks — they didn't grow rich by talking, but by working; instead of lookin after other folks' business, they looked about the keenest arter their own. You are^ like the machinery of one of our boats, good enough, and strong enough, but of no airthly use till you get the steam up; you want to be set in motion, and then you' 11 go a head like any thing, you may depend. Give up politics — it's a barren field, and well watcJiec^ too: where one critter jumps a fence into a good field and gets faty more nor twenty are chased round and round, hy a whole pack of yelpin curs, till they are fairly heat out, and eendhy hein half starv^y ed, and are at the lifiin at last. Look to your farms — your mater I powers — your fisheries, and factories . In short, says I, putting on my hat and star tin, look to yourselves , and don't look to others. CHAPTER XXH. ■I A CURE FOR CONCEIT. It's a most curious unaccountable thing, but it's a fact, said the Clockmaker, the blue-noses are so conceited, Ihey think they know every thing; and yet there aint a livin soul in Nova Scolia knows his j own business real complete, farmer or fisherman, lawyer or doctor,, or any other folk. A farmer said to me one day, up to Pugnose's | inn, at River Philip, Mr. Slick, says he, I allot this aint *« hreaa country ;' I intend to sell off the house I improve and go to the States. If it aint a bread country, said I, I never see'd one that was. There is more bread used here, made of best superfine flour, and No. 1, Genessee, than in any other place of the same population in the univarse. You might as well say it aint a Clock Country, when tcl my sartin knowledge there are more clocks than bibles in it. I guess ( you expect to raise your bread ready made, don't you? Well, there's only one class of our free and enlightened citizens that can do that, j eenac sight ( ftjt,sj Eftersf tjsan A CUIIE FOR CONCEIT. 81 1 (H m k lolt ■tri)i and that's them that are born with silver spoons in their mouths. It's a pity you wasn't availed of this truth, afore you up killoch and off — take my advice and bide where you be. Well, the fishermen are jist as bad. The next time you go into i the fish-market at Halifax, stump some of the old hands ; says you, 'how many fins has a cod, at a word,' and I'll liquidate the bet if you lose it. When I've been along-shore afore now% a vendin of my clocks, and they began to raise my dander, by belittleing the Yankees, I always brought them up by a round turn by that requirement, ' how many fins has a cod, at a word.' Well they never could answer it; and then, says I, when you larn your own business, I gness it will be time enough to teach other folks theirn. How different it is with our men folk, if they can't get thro' a question, how beautifully they can go round it, can't they? Nothin never stops them. I had two brothers, Josiah and Eldad, one was a lawyer, and the other a doctor. They were talkin about their exa- minations one night, at a husklin frolic, up to Guvernor Ball's big stone barn at Slickville. Says Josy, When I was examined, the Judge axed me all about real estate ; and, says he, Josiah, says he, what's a fee? Why, says I, Judge, it depends on the natur of the case. In a common one, says I, I call six dollars a pretty fair one; but lawyer Webster has got afore now^ I've heerd tell, 1,000 dollars, and that / do call a fee. Well, the judge he larfed ready to split I his sides (thinks I, old chap, you'll burst like a steam byler, if you han't got a safety valve somewhere or another); and, says he, I vow jl that's superfine; I'll indorse your certificate for you, young man; there's no fear of you, you'll pass the inspection brand any how-. Well, says Eldad, I hope I may be skinned if the same thing did'nt een amost happen to me at my examination. They axed me a nation sight of questions, some on 'em I could answer, and some on 'em no soul could, right of the reel at a word, without a little cypherin; at last they axed me, ' How^ would you calculate to put a patient into a sweat, when common modes wouldn't work no how?' Why, says I , I'd do as Doctor Comfort Payne sarved father. And how was \ that, said they. Why, says I, he put him into such I sweat as I never see'd in him afore, in all my born days, since I was raised, by sending him in his bill, and if that didn't sweat him it's a pity; it was an active dose you may depend. I guess that arc chap has cut his eye teeth, said the President, let him pass as approbated. They both knowed well enough, they only made as if they didn't, to poke a little fun at them, for the Slick family were counted in a general way to be pretty considerable cute. They reckon themselves here a chalk above us Yankees, but I . guess they have a wrinkle or two to grow afore they progress ahead ' ' on us yet. If they han't got a full cargo of conceit here, then I never 6 . 82 THE CLOCKMAKEU. see'd a load, that's all. They have the hold chock full, deck piled up to the pump handles, and scuppers under water. They larnt that of the British, who are actilly so full of it, they remind me of Com- modore Trip. When he was about half shaved he thought every body drunk but himself. I never liked the last war, I thought it unnateral, and that we hadn't ought to have taken hold of it at all, and so most of our New England folks thought; and I wasn't sorry to hear Gineral Dearborne was beat, seein we had no call to go into Canada. But when the Guerriere was captivated by our old Iron- sides, the Constitution, I did feel lifted up amost as high as a stalk of Varginy corn among Connecticut middlins ; I grew two inches taller, I vow, the night I heerd that news. Brag, says I, is a good dog, but hold fast is better. The British navals had been a braggin and hectorin so long, that when they landed in our cities, they swaggered e'en amost as much as Uncle Peleg (big Pcleg as he was called), and when he walked up the centre of one of our narrow Boston streets, he used to swing his arms on each side of him, so that folks had to clear out of both foot paths : he's cut, afore now, the fingers of both hands agin the shop windows on each side of the street. Many's the poor feller's crupper bone he's smashed, with bis great thick boots, a throwin out his feet afore iiim e'en amost out of sight, when he was in full rig a swigglin away at the top of his gait. Well, they cut as many shines as Uncle Peleg. One frigate they guessed would cap- tivate, sink, or burn our whole navy. Says a naval one day, to the skipper of a fishing-boat that he took, says he, Is it true Commodore Decatur's sword is made of an old iron hoop? Well, says the skipper, , I'm not quite certified as to that, seein as I never sot eyes on it; but I guess if he gets a chance he'll shew you the temper of it some of these days any how. I mind once a British man-o'-war took one of our Boston vessels, and ordered all hands on board, and sent a party to skuttle her; well, they skutlled the fowls and the old particular genuine rum, but they obliviated Ihoirarrand and left hor. Well, next day another frigate (for they were as thick as toads arter a rain) comes near her, and fires a shot for her to bring to. No answer was made, there bein no livin soul on board, and another shot fired, still no answer. Why, what on airih is the mcanin of this, said the Captain, why don't they haul down thatdamn'd goose and gridiron (that's what he called our eagle and stars on the flag). AVhy, says the first leftenant, I guess they are all dead men, that shot frightened them to death. They are afeard to show their noses, says another, lest they thould be shaved off by our shots. They are all down below a ' calculatbi their loss, I guess, says a third. I'll take my davy, says the Captain, it's some Yankee trick, a torpedo in her bottom, or some such trap — we'll let her bo, and svlvq enough, next day, back she came to shore of her- \ CURE FOR CONCEIT. 83 self. I'll give you a quarter of an liour, says tlic Captain of the Guerriorc to his men, to take tliat arc Yankee frigate, the Constitu- tion. I guess ho found his mistake where he didn't exj)ect it, with- out any great sarch for it cither. Yes 'to eventuate my story), it did me good. I felt dreadful nice, I promise you. It was as lovely as bitters of a cold mornin. Onv folks beat 'em artcr that so often, they got a little grain too much conceit also. They got their heels too high for their J)oots, and began to walk like uncle Peleg, too, so tliatwhen the Chesapeake got whipped I warn't sorry. We could spare that one, and it made our navals look round, like a feller who gets a hoist, to see who's a larfin at him. It made 'em brush the dust oil', and walk on rather sheepish. It cut tlieir combs, that's a fact. The war did us a plaguy sight of good in more ways than one, and it did the British some good, too. It taught 'cm not to carry their chins too high, for fear they shouldn't see the gutters — a mistake that's spoiled many a bran new coat and trowsers afore now. Well, these blue-noses have caught this disease, as folks do the Scotch fiddle, by shakin hands along with the British. Conceit has I become here, as Doctor Rush says'(you have heerd tell of him, he's the first man of the age, and it's generally allowed our doctors take the shine oifof all the world), acclimated, it is citizenised among 'em, and the only cure is a real good quiltin. I met a first chop Colchester Gag this summer agoin to the races to Halifax, and he knowed as much about racin, I do suppose, as a Chictaw Ingian does of a rail- road. Well, he was a prasin of his horse, and runnin on like Statiee. He was begot, he said, by Roncesvalles, which was better than any I horse that ever was seen, because ho was once in a duke's stable in fol England. It was only a man that had Llood like a lord, said he, that knew what blood in a horse was. Captain Currycomb, an officer at J Halifax, had seen his horse and praised him, and that was enough — that stamped him — that fixed his value. It was like the President's name to a bank note, it makes it pass current. Well, says I, I han't got a drop of blood in me nothin stronger than molasses and water, I vow, but I guess I know a horse when I see him for all that, and I 1 don't think any great shakes of your beast, any how; what start will you give mo, says I, and I will run 'Old Clay' agin you, for a mile lick rijzht an eend. Ten rods, said he, for twenty dollars. AVell, we run, and I made 'Old Clay' bite in his breath, and only beat him by half a neck. A tight scratch, says I, that, and it would have sarved me right if I had been beat. I had no business to run an old roadster so everlastin last, it ain't fair on him, is if? Says he, I will double the bet and start even, and run you agin if you dare. Well, says I, since I won the last it wouldn't be pretty not to gi\e you a chance; I do suppose I oughtn't to refuse, bull don't love to abuse my beast by Lj,i. knockin hi" - v- •* t\x\^ ^vav b4 THE CLOCKMAKER. As soon as the money was staked, I saitl, Hadn't we belter, says I, draw stakes, that are blood horse of your'n has such uncommon particular bottom, he'll perhaps leave me clean out of sight. No fear of that, said he, larfin, but he'll beat you easy, any how. No flinchin, says he, I'll not let you go back of the bargain. It's run or forfeit. Well, says I, friend, there is fear of it; your horse will leave me out of sight, to a sartainty, that's a fact, for he can't keep vp to me no time. I'll drop him, hull down, in tu tu's. If Old Clay didn't make a fool of him, it's a pity. Didn't he gallop pretty, that's all? He walked away from him, jist as the Chancellor Livingston steam-boat passes a sloop at anchor in the north river. Says I, I told you your horse would beat me clean out of sight, but you wouldn't believe me ; now, says I, I will tell you something else. That are horse will help you to lose more money to Halifax than you are a thinkin on ; for there ain't a beast gone down there that won't beat him. He can't run a bit, and you may tell the British Captain I say so. Take him home and sell him, huy a good yoke of oxen ; they are fast enough for a farmer^ and give up Mood horses to them that can afford to keep stable-helps to tend ^em, and leave hettin alone to them as has 7nore money than wit, and can afford to lose their cash, without thinkin agin of their loss. When I want your advice, said he, I will ask it, most peskily sulky. You might have got it before you a.red for it,, said I, but not afore you wanted it, you may depend on it. But stop, said I, let's see that all's right afore we part; so I counts over the fifteen pounds I won of him, note by note, as slow as anything, on purpose to ryle him, then I mounts 'Old Clay' agin, and says I, Friend, you have considerably the advantage of me this hitch, any how. Possible 1 says he, how's that? Why, says I, I guess you'll return rather lighter than you came — and that's more nor I can say any how, and then I gave him a wink and ajupeof thehead, as much as to say, ' do you take?' and rode on and left him starin and scratchin his head likeafellerwho's lost his road. If that citizen ain't a born fool or too far gone in the disease, depend on't he found ' a cure for conceit.'' CHAPTER XXin. THE BLOWIN TIME. The long rambling dissertation on conceit to which I just listened, from the Clockmaker, forcibly reminded me of the celebrated apho- rism ^ gnothi seauton,' know thyself, which, both from its great an- tiquity and wisdom, has been by many attributed to an oracle. With all his shrewdness to discover, and his humours to ridicule I THE BLOWIN TIMli. 8b ' the foibles oi others, Mr. Slick was bUiid to the many defects of his own character; and, while prescribing 'a cure for conceit,' exhibited in all he said, and all he did, the most overwheening conceit him- self. He never spoke of his own countrymen, without calling them ' the most free and erdightened citizens on the face of the aiith,' or as' takin the shine olVof all creation.' His country he boasted to be the 'best atween Die poles,' ' the greatest glory under heaven.' The Yan- kees he considered (to use his expression) as 'actilly the class-leaders in knowledge among all the Americans,' and boasted that they have not only 'gone ahead of all others,' but had lately arrived at that most enviable ne plus ultra point 'goin ahead of themselves.' In short, he entertained no doubt that Slickville was the finest place in thegreatest nation in the world, and the Slick family the wisest family in it. I was about calling his attention to this national trait, when I saw him draw his reins under his foot (a mode of driving peculiar to him- self, when he wished to economise the time that would otherwise be lost, by an unnecessary delay), and taking oflhis hat (which, like a pedlar's pack, contained a general assortment), select from a num- ber of loose cigars one that appeared likely to 'go,' as he called it. Having lighted it by a lucifer, and ascertained that it was * true in draft,' he resumed his reins, and remarked, ' This must bean ever- lastin fine country beyond all doubt, for the folks have nothin to do but to ride about and talk politics. In winter, when the ground is covered with snow, what grand times they have a slayin over these here mashes with the galls, or playin ball on the ice, or goin to quil- tin frolics of nice long winter evenings, and then adrivin home like mad, by moonlight. Natur meant that season on purpose for courtin. A little tidy scrumptious lookin slay, a real clipper of a horse, a string of bells as long as a string of inions round his neck, and a sprig on his back, lookin for all the world like a bunch of apples broke ofl" at aatherin time, and a sweetheart alongside, all muffled up but her eyes and lips — the one lookin right into you, and the other talkin right at you — is e'en amost enough to drive one ravin, tarin, distracted mad with pleasure, aint it? And then the dear critters say the bells make such a din there's no hoarin one's self speak; so they put their pretty little mugs close up to your face, and talk, talk, talk, till one can't help looking right at them instead of the horse, and then whap you both go capsized into a snow drift together, skins, cushions, and all. And then to see the little critter shake herself when she gets up, like a duck landin from a pond, a cliatterin away all the time like ii Canary bird, and you a haw-hawin with pleasure, is fun alive, you may depend. In this way blue-nose gets led on to offer himself as a a lovier, afore he knows where he bees. But when he gets married, he recovers his eyesight in little less HO THE CLOCKMAKER. than half no time. He soon finds he's treed; his flint is fixed then, you may depend. She larns him how vinegar is made: Put plenty of sugar mto the water aforehand, my clear, she said, \f you want to malie it real sharp. The larf is on the ofher side of his mouth then. If his slay gets upsot, its no longer a funny matter, I tell you; he catches it right and left. Her eyes don't look right up to him any more, nor her little tongue ring, ring, ring, like a bell any longer, but a great big hood covers her head, and a whappin great muff covers her face, and she looks like a bag of soiled clothes agoin to the brook to be washed. When they get out, she don't wait any more for him to walk lock and lock with her, but they march like a horse and a cow to water, one in each gutter. If there aint a transmogri- fication its a pity. The dilTerence atween a wife and a sweetheart is neer about as great as there is between new and hard cider — a man never tires of puttin one to his lips, but makes plaguy wry faces at tother. It makes me so kinder wamblecropt when I think on it, that I'm afeared to venture on matrimony at all. I have seen some blue-noses most properly bit^ you may depend. You've seen a boy a slidin on a most beautiful smooth bit of ice, han't you, larfin, and hoopin, and hallowin like one possessed, when presently sowse he goes in over head and ears? How he outs, fins, and flops about, and blows like a porpoise properly frightened, don't he ? and whtm he gets out, there he stands, all shiverin and shakin, and the water a squish- squashin in his shoes, and his trowsers all stickin slimsey like to his legs. Well, he sneaks ofThome, lookin like a fool, and thinkin every body he meets is a larfin at him — many folks here are like that are boy, afore they have been six months married. They'd be proper glad to get out of the scrape too, and sneak off if they could, that's a fact. The marriage yoke is plaguy apt to gall the neck, as the ash bow does the ox in rainy weather, unless it be most particularly well fitted. You've seen a yoke of cattle that warn't properly mated, they spend more strength in pulling agin each other, than in pullin the load. Well, that's apt to be the case with them as choose their wives in sleighin parties, quiltin frolics, and soon ; instead of the dairies, looms, and cheese-house. Now the blue-noses are all a stirrin in winter. The young folks drive out the galls, and talk love and all sorts of things as sweet as dough-nuts. The old folks find it near about as well to leave the old women to home, for fear they shouldn't keep tune to2;ether ; so they drive out alone to chat about House of Assembly with their neigh- bours, while the boys and hired helps do the chores. When the Spring comes, and the fields are dry enough to be sowed, they all have to be plowed, cause fall rains ivash tht' lands too much for fall plouffhin. Well, the plows have to be mended and sharpened, eause \ • -HE BLOWIN TIME, S. fvknts the use ofdoin that afore idt minted. Well, the wheal pets in too lalo, and then comes rust, but whoso fault is tliat? //'//// thecti- itate to he surc,for.'W)i-a iSeotia a'mta bread eountrij. When a man has to run ever so far as fast as he can clip, ho has to stop anil take bicalli ; you must do that or choke. So it is witii a horse; run him a mile, and his Hanks will heave like a blacksmith's bellows; you must slack up the rein, and give hin\ a little wind, or he'll fall ri^ht down with you. It stands to reason, don't it? Atwixt spring and fall work is ' lilow'm time,' Then Courts come on, and drand Jury business, and Militia trainin, and Uace (rainin, and what not; and a fine spell of ridin about and doin nolhin, a real ' lilon-iu time.' Then comes harvest, and that is proper hard work, mowin and pilchin hay, and reapin and bindin grain, and potatoe diggin. That's as hard as sole leather, afore its hammered on the lap stone —it's most next to any thing. It takes a feller as tough as Old Hickory (fieneral Jackson) to stand that. Ohio is most Ihc only country I know of where folks are saved that 1)01 trouble, ami there the freshets come jist in the nick of time for 'em, 111 and sweep all the crops right up in a heap for 'em, and they have loo |i nothin to do but take it home and house it, and sometimes a man gets Jilt more than his own crop, and finds a proper swad of it all ready piled )il, up, oidy, a little wet or so; but all countries aintlike Ohio. Well, St. arter harvest comes fall, and then there's a grand 'blowin time,' till lijj spring. Now, how the Lord the blue-noses can complain of their (f, country, when it's only one-third work and two-thirds • blowin time,' ju no soul can tell. ,n. Father used to say, when I lived on the farm along with him — Sam, says he, I vow I wish there was jist four hundred days in tbe j;j, year, for it's a jdaguy sight too short for me. I can find as much (ffl work as all hands on us can do for 365 days, and jist 35 days more, ],{, I if we had 'em. We han't got a minit to spare; you must shell the llii corn, and winner the grain at night, and clean all up slick, or I guess jy(j ; we'll fidl astarn, as sure as the Lord made Moses. If he didn't keep ,|j. us all at it, a drivin away full chisel, the whole blessed time, it's a ; pity. There was no 'blowin time' there, you may depend. We jjlj, f plowed all the fall, for dear life ; in winter wc thrashed, made and ,(,j : mended tools, went to market and mill, and got out our firewood and ,1 I rails. As soon as frost was gone, came sowin and plantin, weedin and lioein — then harvest and snreadin compost — then gatherin manure, ■,^ fencin and ditchin — and llien turn tu and fall plowin agin. It all [l, ' went round like a wheel without stoppin, and so fast, I guess you J ! couldn't see the spokes, just one long everlastin stroke from July to ., etarnity, without time to look back on t!ie tracks. Instead of racin over the country, like a young doctor, io show how busy a man is that has nothin to do, as blue-nose does, and then take a ' blowin 88 THE CLOCKMAKER. " time,' we kept a rale travellin gate, an eight-mile-an-hour pace, the whole year round. TJiey buy more nor they sell, and eat more than iliey raise, in this country. What a pretty way that is. isn't? If the critters knew how to cypher, they would soon find out that a sum stated that way always eends in a naught. I never knew it to fail, and I defy any soul to cypher it so, as to make it come out any other way, either by Schoolmaster's Assistant, or Algebra. When I was a boy, the Slickville bank broke, and an awful disorderment it made,^ that's a fact ; nothin else was talked of. Well, I studied it over a long time, but I couldn't make it out : so says I, Father, how came that are bank to break; warn't it well built? 1 thought that are Quincy granite was so amazin strong all natur wouldn't break it. Why you foolish critter, says he, it tante the buildin that's broke, its the consarn that's smashed. Well, says I, 1 know folks are plaguily consarned about it, but what do you call ' folks smashin their con- sarns?' Father, he larfed out like any thing; I thought he never would stop — and sister Sail got right up and walked out of the room, as mad as a hatter. Says she, Sam, I do believe you are a born fool, I vow. When father had donelarfin, says he, I'll tell you, Sam, how it was. They ciphered it so, that they brought out nothin for a re- mainder. Possible 1 says I ; I thought there was no eend to their puss. I thought it was like Uncle Peleg's musquash hole, and that no soul could ever find the bottom of it. My ! ! says I. Yes, says he, that are bank spent and lost more money than it made, and when folks do that, they must smash at last, if their puss be as long as the national one of Uncle Sam. This province is like that are bank of ourn, it's goin the same road, and they'll find the little eend of the horn afore they think they are half way down to it. If folks would only give over talkin about that everlasting House of Assembly and Council, and see to their farms, it would be belter for 'em, I guess; for arter all, what is it? Why it's only a sort of first chop Grand Jury, and nothin else. It's no more like Congress or Parliament, than Marm Pugwash's keepin room is like our State hall. It's jist nothin — Congress makes war and peace, has a say in all treaties, confarms all great nominations of the President, regilates the army and navy, governs twenty-four independent States, and snaps its fingers in the face of all the nations of Europe, as much as to say, who be you? I allot I am as big as you be. If you are six foot high, I am six foot six in my stockin feet, by gum, and can lambaste any two of you in no time. The British can whip all the world, and we can whip the British. But this little House of As- sembly, that folks make such a touss about, what is it? Why jist a decent Grand Jury. They make their presentments of little money votes, to mend these cverlastin rottin little wooden bridges, to throw a poultice of mud once a year on the roads, and then take a 'blowin p FATMEU JOHN OSHAUGHNESSY. 89 ine' of three months and go home. The littler folks bo, the bigger liey talk. You never seed a small man that didn't wear high heel oots and a high crowned hat, and tiiat warn't ready to fight most ny one, to show lie was a man every inch of him. 1 met a member the other day, who swaggered near about as large 's Uncle Peleg. He looked as if he thought you couldn't find his ditto' any where. He used some most particular educational words, ;enuine jaw-breakers. He put me in mind of a squirrel I once shot n our wood location. The little critter got a hickory nut in his Qouth; well, he found it too hard to crack, and too big to swaller, nd for the life and soul of him, he couldn't spit it out agin. If he iidn't look like a proper fool, you may depend. We had a pond back )f our barn, about the bigness of a good sizeable wash-tub, and it was 'hock full of frogs. Well, one of these little critters fancied himself I bull-frog, and he pufTed out his cheeks, and took a real ' blowin ime* of it; he roared away like thunder; at last he pufTed and puffed )Ut till he burst like a byler. If I see tl.e Speaker this winter (and [ shall see him to a sartainty if they don't send for him to London, X) teach their new Speaker), and he's up to snulT, that are man; he inows how to cypher — I'll jist say to him, Speaker, says I, if any of four folks in the House go to swell out like dropsy, give 'em a hint n time. Says you, if you have are a little safety valve about you, let jffaHttle steam now and then, or you'll go for it ; recollect the Clock- maker's storv of the ' Blowin time.' CHAPTER XXIV. lltl FATHER JOHN O SHAIGUKESSY. \i . ^ To-morrow will be Sabbath day, said the Clockmaker; I guess '^' we'll bide where we be till Monday. I like a Sabbath in the country P' — all natur seems at rest. There's a cheerfulness in the day here, * you don't find in towns. You have natur before you here, and nothin "" but art there. The deathy stillness of a town, and the barred win- ^^ dows, and shut shops, and empty streets, and great long lines of big '" brick buildins, look melancholy. It seems as if life had ceased tickin, f" but there hadn't been time for decay to take hold on there ; as if day ^ had broke, but man slept. I can't describe exactly what I mean, but *^ I always feel kinder gloomy and whamhlecropt there. il' Now in the country it's jist what it ought to be — a day of rest for •1 man and beast from labour. When a man rises on the Sabbath, and [' looks out on the sunny fields and wavin crops, his heart feels proper !• grateful, and he says, come, this is a splendid day, aint it? let's get 90 THE CLOCKMAKER. ready and put on our bettermost close, and go to mootin. His firs thought is prayerfully to render thanks ; and then when he goes It worship he meets all his neighbours, and he knows them all, an( they are glad to see each other, and if any two on 'em han't exacll; gee'd together durin the week, why they meet on kind of neutra ground, and the minister or neighbours make peace atween them But it tante so in towns. You don't know no one you meet there It's the worship of neighbours, but it's the worship of strangers, too for neighbours don't know nor care about each other. Yes, I love a Sabbath in the country. While uttering this soliloquy, he lookup a pamphlet from the table and turning to the title page, said, have you ever seen this here bool on the * Elder Controversy' (a controversy on the subject of Infan Baptism). This author's friends say it's a clincher; tliey say he ha sealed up Elder's mouth as tight as a bottle. No, said I, I have not I have hoard of it, but never read it. In my ojiinion the subject ha; been exhausted already, and admits of nothing new being said upoi it. These religious controversies are a serious injury to the cause o true religion ; they are deeply deplored by the good and moderate men of all parties. It has already embraced several denomination; in the dispute in this Province, and I hear the agitation has extendee to New Brunswick, where it will doubless be renewed w ith equal zeal I am told all the pamphlets are exceptionable in point of temper, anc this one in particular, which not only ascribes the most unworth; motives to its antagonist, but contains some very unjustifiable an( gratuitous attacks upon other sects unconnected with the dispute The author has injured his own cause, for an intemperate advocate i more dangerous than an open foe. There is no doubt on it, said th< Clockmaker, it is as clear as mud, and you are not the only one tha thinks so, I tell you. About the hottest time of the dispute, I was to Halifax, and win should I meet but Father John O'Shaughnessy, a Catholic Priest, had met him afore in Cape Breton, and had sold him a clock. Well he was a leggin it off hot foot. Possible 1 says I, Father John, i that you? Why, what on airth is the matter of yon — what make you in such an everlastin hurry, driving away like one ravin, dis- tracted mad? A sick visit, says he ; poor Pat Lanigan, him that yoi mind to Bradore Lake, well, he's near about at the pint of death I guess not, said I, for I jist hear tell he was dead. Well, that brough him up all standin, and he bouts ship in a jiffy, and walks a little wa with me, and we got a talkin about this very subject. Says he, Wha are you, Mr. Slick? Well, I looks up to him and winks, A Clock maker, says I : well, he smiled, and says he, I see ; as much as to sa; I hadn't ought to have axed that arc question at all, I guess, for ever man's religion is his own, and nobody else's business. Then, say FATFIEII JOHN O'SHAUGHNESSY. «»1 c, you know all about Ihis country — wlio does folks say has llie j*" est of the dispute? Says I, Father John, it's like the battles up to •i !anada lines last war, each side claims victory ; I guess there ain't ^ Ijuch lo brai: on nary way, damage done on both sides, and nothing "'"'' ained, as far as I can learn. He stopt short, and looked me in the ice, and says he, Mr. Slick, you are a man that has sec'd a good deal m\ "" |f the world, and a considcrajtle of an understandin man, and I guess ''''• I can talk to //ou. Now, says he, for gracious sake, do jist look '''* 'cre, and see how you heretics (Protestants I mean, says he — for I ucss that are word slipt out without leave) are by the ears, a drivin elil ly^'ay at each other, (he whole blessed time, tooth and nail, hip and '^'"l nigh, hammer and tongs, disputin, revclin, wranglin, and beloutin '"''' ach other with ail sorts of ugly names that they can lay their tongues ''*'' '). Is that the way you love your neiglibour as yourself? If^e sa// ''^^ his is a practical comment on schism, and by the powers of Moll ^"i liclly, said he. but tlicy all ought to be well lambasted together, the ¥ /hole batch on 'em entirely. Says I, Father John, give me your ■land; there are some things, I guess, you and I don't agree on, and "'^'' aost likely never will, seeing that you are a Popish priest; butin that * 'lee 1 do opinionatc with you, and I wish, with all my heart, all the 'f"i vorld thought witli us. il^a ' I guess he didn't half like that are word Popish priest; it seemed ifiH '0 grig him like; his face looked kinder ryled, like well water arter ")rl '. heavy rain; and said he, Mr. Slick, says he, your country is a free lea country, ain't it? The freest, says I, on the face of the airtli — you Sfiil ian't ' ditto' it nowhere. We are as free as the air, and when our f* 'lander's up, stronger than any hurrican you ever see'd — tear up all iill creation most; there aint the beat of it to be found any where. Do i?4 I'ou call this a free country? said he. Pretty considerable middlin, ays I, seein that they are under a king. Well, says he, if you were \i 'icen in Connecticut a shakin hands along with a Popish priest, as 1 f'ou are pleased to call me (and he made me a bow, as much as to Wj iay, mind your trumps the next deal) as you now are in the streets inj i)f Halifax along with me, with all your crackin and boastin of your iisti I'rcedom, I guess, you wouldn't sell a clock agin in that State for one jjf >i\hilc, I tell you — and he bid me good mornin and turned away. Fa- ilfi her John ! says I. — I can't stop, says he ; I must see that poor crit- ic! ler's family; they must be in great trouble, and a sick visit is afore )ii2l ;*onirovarsy in my creed. Well, says I, one word with you afore ij} !)0u go; if that are name Popish priest was an ongenteel one, I ax ^ ifour pardon ; I didn't mean no ofTcnce. I do assure you, and I'll say |o(t i his for your satisfaction, lu, you're the first man in this Province )i( that ever gave lac a real right down complete checkmate since I first It; !;ot food in it, I'll be skinned if you aint. ^\ Yes, said Mr. Slick, Father John was right; these antagonizing 92 THE CLOCKMAKER. chaps ought to be well quilteJ, the whole raft of 'em. It fairly make me sick to sec the folks> each on 'em a backin up of their ow man. At it agin, says one; fair play, says another; stick it int him, says a third ; and that's your sort, says a fourth. Them ar the folks who do mischief. They show such clear grit it fairl frightens me. It makes my hair stand right up an eend to se ministers do that are. It appears to me that I could write a boo infavotir of myself and my notions, without writing agin an one, and if I couldn t I woiddnt write at all, I snore. Our ol minister, Mr. Hopewell (a real good man, and a larned man to that), they sent to him once to write agin the Unitarians, for the arc agoin a head like statiee in New England, but he refused. Sai he, Sam, says he, when I first went to Cambridge, there was a boxe and wrastler came there, and he beat every one wherever he wenl ^ Well, old Mr. Possit was the Church of England parson at Charles tow II, at the time, and a terrible powerful man he was — arael sneezei and as active as a weasel. Well, the boxer met him one day, a littl way out of town, a takin of his evenin walk, and said he, Parsoi says he, they say you are a most plaguy strong man, and uncomrao stiiT too. Now, says he, I never seed a man yet that was a mate for me; would you have any objection jist to let me be availed ( your strength here in a friendly way, by ourselves, where no soi would be the wiser: if you will I'll keep dark about it, I swan. G your way, said the Parson, and tempt me not; you are a caroi minded, wicked man, and I take no pleasure in such vain, idle sport! Very well, said the boxer; now here I stand, says he, in the patl right slap afore you; if you pass round me, then I take it as a sig that you are afeard on me, and if you keep the path, why then yc must first put me out — that's a fact. The Parson jist made a sprir forrard and kitched him up as quick as wink, and throwed him rigl over the fence whap on the broad of his back, and then walked c as if nothin had happened — as demure as you please, and lookin j meek as if butler wouldn't melt in his mouth. Stop, said the boxe as soon as he picked himself up, stop, Parson, said he, that's a goc man, and jist chuck over my horse too, will you, for I swan I beliei you could do one near about as easy as t'other. My ! said he, if th. don't bang the bush; you arc another guess chap from what I tot you to be, any how. Now, said Mr. Hopewell, says he, I won't write, but if are a Un tarian crosses my path, I'll jist overthe fence with him in no time,; the parson did the boxer ;/w' writin only aggravates your opponent and never convinces them. I never seed a convart made by th way yet ; but Fll tell you wluit I have seed, a man set his ownjUn a doubtin by his own writin. You may hapjnfy your enemies, ca- tankerate your opponents, and injure your own cause by it, bull f\ FATHER JOHN O'SHAUGHNESSY 93 '/{/ H''"^ f'^ sanr if. Those writers, said he, put me in mind of that boxer's pupils. lie would sometimes set two on 'em to spar; (11, they'd put on their gloves and begin, larfin and jokin, all in 10(1 humour. Presently one on 'etn would put in a pretty hard cw: well, tother would return it in airnest. Oh, says the other, , that's your play, off gloves and at it; and sure enough, away would "T 1y their gloves, and at it they'd go tooth and nail. " No, Sam, the misfortin is, we are all apt to think Scriptur intended r our neighbours, and not for ourselves. The poor all think it lade for the rich. Look at that are Dives, they say, what an ell red scrape he got into by his avarice, with Lazarus; and ain't it lit as plain as any thing, that them folks will find it as easy to go "'' I" heaven, as for a camel to go through the eye of a needle. Well, f " 'len, the rich think it all made for the poor — that they sharn't steal * 'or bear false witness, but shall be obedient to them that's in autho- '"^ Uy. And as for them are Unitarians, and he always got his dander ''^ \t when he spoke of them, why there's no doin nothin with them, ™' 'lys he. When they get fairly stumped, and you produce a text * 'lat they can't get over, nor get round, why they say it tante in our "'* tersion, at all — that's an interpolation, it's an invention of them are "" Verlastin monks ; there's nothin left for you to do with them, but to '"' 'irve them as Parson Possit detailed the boxer — lay right hold of 'em "' 'ndchuk 'em over the fence, even if they were as big as all out doors. '" ''hat's what our folks ought to have done with 'em at first, pitched f ;!m clean out of the state, and let 'em go down to Nova Scotia, or 'f ')me such outlandish place, for they aint't fit to live in no Christian '» Jauntry at all. ""! ' Fightin is no way to make convarts; th^^ true way is to win 'em. ¥ 'ou may stop a man's mouth, Sam, says he, by crammin a book 'f' 'own his throat, but you won't convince him. Its a fine thing to '* 'rite a book all covered over with Latin and Greek, and Hebrew, lii' ke a bridle that's real jam, all spangled with brass nails, but who 1k> 'news whether it's right or wrong'? Why not one in ten thousand. I- f I had my religion to choose, and warn't able to judge for myself, f'' "11 tell you what I'd do: I'd jistask myself who leads tlie best lives? 't |fow, says he, Sam, I won't say who do, because it would look like I* 'anity to say it was the folks who hold to our platform, but I'll tell ou who don't. Tt aint them that makes the t/reatcst professions 1' yirvays ; and mind what I tell you, Sam, when you go a tradin with It 'Our clocks away down east to Nova Scotia, and them wild provinces, » leep a bright look out on them as cant too much, f better than a hen, you everlastin old chicken-hearted villain, and II make you a larfin stock to all the poultry. I'll put a trick on yi you'll bear in mind all your born days. So he catches old Dearborr, and pulls all the feathers olThis breast, and strips him as naked; wben he was born, from his throat clean down to his tail, and thi takes a bundle of nettles and gives him a proper switchin that stuj him, and made him smart like mad; tlien he warms some eggs al puts them in a nest, and sets the old cock right a top of 'em. We, the warmth of the eggs felt good to the poor critter's naked bell, and kinder kept t'ne itchin of the nettles down, and he was glad) bide where he was, and whenever he was tired and got otT, his sli felt so cold, he'd run right back and squat down agin, and when 1* feathers began to grow, and he got obstropolous, he got anotlir ticklin with the nettles, that made him return double quick to H ' •■ - I" o i!'*'"^ '••no h,^ inrnt the trade real c iiiplete. i TAMING A SHREW 95 Now, this John Porter (ami there he is on tlie bridge I vow, I \er seed the beat o' that, speak of old Saytin and he's sure !o j»pcar), well, he's jisl like old Dearborne, only (it to hatch epi^s. 'hen we came to the Bridge, Mr. Slick stopped his horse, to shake mds with Porter, whom ho recognised as an old acquaintance and iistonier. He enquired alter a bark mill ho had smuggled from the ^ dates for him, and enlarged on the \alue of such a machine, and the *' (everncss of his countrymen who invented such useful and profitable "! i'ticlcs; and was recommending a new process of tanning, when a ^ inialc voice from the house was heard, vociferating, 'John Porter, ^ hme here this minute.' 'Coming, my dear,' said the huslfand. fe Come here, I say, directly ; why do you stand talking to that yankee i* tllain there?' The poor husband hung his head, looked silly, and fii >dding us good bye, returned slowly to the house. As we drove on, 111 ir. Slick said, that was mc— 1 did that. Did what? said I. That *! las me that sent him back, I called him and not his wife. 1 had b' 'at are bestownient ever since I was knee high or so; I'm a real luplete hand at Ventriloquism; I can take off any man's voice I ii; ;er heard to the very nines. If there was a law agin forgin that, t )i there is for handwritin, 1 guess I should have been hanged long \i l:o. I've had high goes with it many a time, but its plaguy danger- «k ('Hie, and I don't \)racfisc it now but seldom. W ) I had a real bout with that are citizen's wife once, and completely ilk i"oke her in for him ; she went as gentle as a circus horse for a space, «!i 'it he let her have her head agin, and she's as bad as ever now. k 111 tell you how it was. • li ! I was down to the Island a sellin clocks, and who should I meet on lit John i'orter; well, I traded with him for one part cash, part liii; luck, and Yrodurc, and also put off on him that are bark mill im m heerd me axin about, and it was pretty considerable on in 9iii ie evenin afore we finished our trade. I came home along with OH' im, and had the clock in the waggon to fix it up for him, and to rl« ;iow him how to regilate it. Well, as we neared his house, he lit bgan to fret and take on dreadful oneasy ; says he, I hope Jane wont BJt i; abed, cause if she is she'll act Ui:ly, I do suppose. I had heerd ali 111 of her afore; how she used to carry a stiff upper lip, and make jsii (m and the broomstick well acquainted tcgether; and, says I, why If () you i)ut up with her tantrums, I'd make a fair division of the a jKise with her, if it was me, I'd take the inside and allocate her the >,^ lifside of it pretty quick, that's a fact. Well, when we came to the liiij puse, there was no light in it, and the poor critter looked so streaked Ifli iid down in the mouth, I felt proper sorry for him. When he ra|»ped jol I the doiir, she called out, Who's there? It's mc, dear, says Porter. lt(i lou, is it, said she, then you may stay where you be, them as gave 9B THE CLOCKMAKER. you your supper, may give you your bed, instead of sendin yc sneakin home at night like a thief. Said I, in a whisper, says I, Lea) her to me, John Porter — jist take the horses up to the barn, and 8( arter tliem, and I'll manage her for you, I'll make her as sweet j sugary candy, never fear. The barn you see is a good piece off the eastward of the house ; and as soon as he was cleverly out hearin, says I, a imitatin of his voice to the life, Do let me in, Jan says I, that's a dear critter, I've brought you home some things you like, I know. Well, she was an awful jealous critter ; says sh Take em to her you spent the evenin with, I don't want you nor yoi present neither. Arter a good deal of coaxin I stood on tother tac and began to threaten to break the door down ; says I, You old ui hansum lookin sinner, you vinerger cruet you, open the door tli minit or I'll smash it right in. That grigged her properly, it mai her very wrathy (for nothin sets up a woman's spunk like callin h ugly, she gets her back right up like a cat when a strange dog com near her; she's all eyes, claws, and bristles). I heerd her bounce right out of bed, and she came to the door she was, ondressed, and onbolted it ; and as I entered it, she fetch me a box right across my cheek with the flat of her hand, that ma it tingle agin. I'll teach you to call names agin, says she, y^ varmint. It was jist what I wanted ; I pushed the door tu with r foot, and seizin her by the arm with one hand, I quilted her wi. the horsewhip real handsum with the other. At first she roart like mad ; I'll give you the ten commandments, says she (meani; her ten claws), I'll pay y«u for this, you cowardly villain, to strit a woman. How dare you lift your hand, John Porter, to your lawll wife, and so on ; all the time runnin round and round, like a Cit that's a breakin, with the mouthin bit, rarein, kickin, and plun^i like statiee. Then she began to give in. Says she, I beg pardc, on my knees I beg pardon — don't murder me, for Heaven's sake- don't, dear John, don't murder your poor wife, that's a dear, I'll ) as you bid me, I promise to behave well, upon my honour I do* oh ! dear John, do, forgive me, do dear. When I had her brougt properly to, for havin nothin on but a thin under garment evef crack of the whip told liko a notch on a baker's tally, says I, TaJ that as a taste of what you'll catch when you act that way like il Scratch. Now go and dress yourself, and get supper for me and stranger I have brought home along with me, and be quick, foil vow I'll be master in my own house. She moaned hke a dog t with a stone, half whine half yelp ; dear, dear, says she, if I aint 1 1 covered over with welts as big as my flnger, I do believe I'm fla\l alive ; and she boohood right out like any thing. I guess, said , You've got 'em where folks won't see 'em, any how, and I calculate yi 1 PI TAMING A SHREW. 9T Nvon't beover forrard toshow'em where they bo. But come, saysl, be \ stirrin, or I'll quilt you agin as sure as you're alive — I'll tan your hide , lor you, you may dejuMid, you old ungainly tiMnporcd heifer you. I When I went to the barn, says I, John Porter, your wife made I right at me, like one ravin distracted mad when I opened the door, Hiinkin it was you ; and I was obliged to give her a crack or two of I lie cowskin to get clear of her. It has ellectuated a cure completely ; now foller it u]), and don't let on for your life, it warn't you that did if, and you'll be master once more in your own house. She's all tlocity jist now, keep her so. As we returned we saw a light in the ,; ^keepin room, the fire was blazin up cheerfulsome, and Marm Porter II, , moved about as brisk as a parched pea, though as silent as dumb, ml jand our supper was ready in no time. As soon as she took her seat I, jand sot down, she sprung right up on eend, is if she sot on a pan of Ijn I hot coals, and coloured all over; and then tears started in her eyes. (,, , Thinks I to myself, I calculate I wrote that are lesson in large letters any how, I can read that writin without spellin, and no mistake; I jd, s guess you've got pretty well warmed thereabouts this hitch. Then (fj, .she tried it agin, first she sot on one leg, then on tother, quite Ij . oneasy, and then right atwixt both, a fidgettin about dreadfully ; like lj, I a man that's rode all day on a bad saddle, and lost a little leather on iijl jthe way. If you had seed how she stared at Porter, it would have ,j, -made you snicker. She couldn't credit her eyes. He warn't drunk, and he warn't crazy, but there he sot as peeked and as meechin as i(a yo" please. She seemed all struck up of a heap at his rebellion. . '/The next day when I was about startin, I advised him to act like a man, and keep the weather gage now he had it and all would be well : but the poor critter only held on a day or two, she soon got the upper hand of him, and made him confess all, and by all accounts he leads ^^ a worse life now than ever, I put that are trick on him jist now to *^, .try him, and I see its gone goose with him; the jig is up with hira, ' .. she'll soon call him w ith a whistle like a dog. I often think of the ' hornpipe she danced there in the dark along with me, to the music of my whip— she touched it ofTin great style, that's a fact. I shall mind that go one while, I promise you. It was actilly equal to a . iplay at old Bowry. You may depend. Squire, the only way to tame i.'^ Ja shrew, is by the cowskin. Grandfather Slick was raised all along the coast of Kent in Old England, and he used to say there was an old saying there, which, I expect, is not far off the mark: rlii I itit I n > .U I 'A woman, a doer, and a walnut tree, ^ j The more you lick 'em the better they be.' \ii ! Dllf ' 98 THE CLOCKMAKER, CHAPTER XXVI. ■THE minister's HORN MUG. This Country, said Mr. Slick, abounds in superior mill privileges, and one would naterally calculate that such a sight of water power, would have led to a knowledge of machinery. I guess if a blue nose was to go to one of our free and enlightened citizens, and tell him Nova Scotia was intersected with rivers and brooks in all directions, and nearly one quarter of it covered with water, he'd say, well, I'll start right off and see it, I vow, for I guess I'll larn somethin. I allot I'll get another wrinkle away down east there. AVith such splendid chances for esperimentin, what first-chop mills they must have to a sartainty. I'll see such new combinations, and such new applications of the force of water to motion, that I'll make my fortin, for we can improve on any thing amost. Well, he'd find his mistake out I guess, as I did once, when I took' passage in the night at New York for Providence, and found myself the next morning clean out to sea, steerin away for Cape Hatteras, in the Charleston steamer. He'd find he'd gone to the wrong place I reckon ; there aint a mill of any- kind in the Province fit to be seen. If we had 'em, we'd sarve em as we do the gamblin houses down south, pull 'em right down, there wouldn't be one on 'em left in eight and forty hours. Some domestic factories they ought to have here ; it's an essen- tial part of the social system. Now we've run to the other extreme, its got to be too big an interest with us, and aint suited to the politiacl institutions of our great country. Natur designed us for an agricultural people, and our government was predicated on the supposition that we Avould be so. Mr. Hopewell was of the same opinion. He was a great hand at gardenin, orchadin, farmin, and what not. One evening I was up to his house, and says he, Sam, what do you say to a bottle of m^ old genume cider, I guess I got some that will take the shine off ol your father's, by a long chalk, much as the old gentleman brags oi his'n — I never bring it out afore him. He thinks he has the best it all Connecticut. It's an innocent ambition that ; and Sam, it would b( but a poor thing for me to gratify my pride, at the expense of humblir his'n. So I never lets on that I have any better, but keep dark abou this superfine particular article of mine, for I'd as lives he'd thin! so as not. He was a real ^vimitive good man was minister. I go some, said he, that was bottled that very year that glorious actioi was fought atween the Constitution and the Guerriere. Perhaps tht whole world couldn't show such a brillant whippin as that was. It was a splendid deed, that's a fact. The British can whip the whok THE MINISTER'S HORN MUG. DO airth, and we can whip tl»e British. It was a bright promise for our young caglo, a noMe bird that, too; great strength, great courage, and surpassing sagacity. Well, he went down to tlie cellar, and brought up a bottle, with a stick tied to its neck, and day and dale to it, like tlie lye-bills on the trees in Squire Ilendrick's garden. f like to see them are cobwebs, says he, as he brushed 'em olT, they are like grey hairs in an old man's head, they indicate venerable old age. As he un- orked it, says he, I guess, Sam, this will warm your gizzard, my boy : I guess our great nation may be slumped to produce more elc- gatiter liquor than this here. It's the dandy, that's a fact. That, said he, a smackin his lips, and lookinat its sparklin top, and layin back his head, and tippin off a horn mug brim full of it — that, said he — and his eyes twinkled agin, for it was plagy strong — that is the pro- duce of my own orchard. Well, I said, minister, says I, I never sec you a swiggin it out of that are hora mug, that I dont think of one of your texts. What's that, Sam? says he — for you always had a most special memory when you was a boy; why, says I, 'that the horn of the righteous man shall be exalted,' I guess that's what they ''■| » mean by 'exalten the horn,' aint it? Lord if ever you was to New ™ [ Orleeris, and seed a black thunder cloud rise right up and cover the ''! I whole sky in a minit, you'd a thought of it if you had seed his face. ^* *: It looked as dark as Egypt. For shame, says he, Sam, that's on- decent; and let me tell you that a man that jokes on such subjects, shews both a lack of wit and sense too. I like mirth, you know I do, for it's only the Pharisees and hypocrites that wear long faces, but then mirth must be innocent to please me; and when I see a man ""* ; make merry with serious things, I set him down as a lost sheep. ™ , That comes of your speculatin lo Lowell; and, I vow, them factorin '*'* I towns will corrupt our youth of both sexes, and become hotbeds of c"* • iniquity. Evil communications endamnify good manners, as sure as '" ' rates ; one scabby sheep will infect a whole flock — vice is as catchia "'^ ' as that nasty disease the Scotch have, it's got by shakin hands, and ""' ' both eend in the same way in brimstone. I approbate domestic fac- 'r' i tories, but nothin further for us. It doa't suit us or our institutions. «ili I \ republic is only calculated for an enlightened and vartuous people, j'"' ! and folks chiefly in the farmin line. Thatisaninnocentand a happy "™ j vocation. Agriculture was ordained by Him that made us, for our ^^ ' chief occupation. 'Ii' ' Thinks I, here's a pretty how do you do; I'm in for it now, that's 'j ! a fact; he'll jist fall to and read a regular sarmon, and he knows so !'' I many by heart he'll never stop. It would take a Philadelphia lawyer F ' to answer him. So, says I, Minister, I ax your pardon, I feel very '<■ ' ugly at havin given you offence, but I didn't mean it, I do assure w ' you. It jist popt out unexpectedly, like a cork out of one of them 1! 100 THE CLOCKMAKER. are cider bottles. I'll do my possibles that the like don't happen agin# you may depend; so 'spose we drink a glass to our reconciliation., That I will, said he, and we will have another bottle too, but I must put a little water into iwj glass (and he dwelt on that word, and looked at me quite feelin, as much as to say, don't for goodness sake make use of that are word Iwrn agin, for it's a joke I don't like), for my head hante quite the strength my cider has. Taste this, Sam, said he (openin of another bottle) , it's of the same age as the last, but made of diflerent apples, and I am fairly stumped sometimes ta say which is best. These are the pleasures, says he, of a country life. A man's own labour provides him with food, and an appetite to enjoy it. Let him look which way he will, and he sees the goodness and bounty of his Creator, his wisdom, his power, and his majesty. There never was any thing so true, as that are old sayin, * man made the town, but God made the country,' and both bespeak their ditlerent archi- tects in terms too plain to be misunderstood. The one is filled with virtue and the other with vice. One is the abode of plenty, and the other of want ; one is a ware-duck of nice pure water — and t'other one a cess-pool. Our towns are gettin so commercial and factoring^ that they will soon generate mobs, Sam (how true that are has turned out, hain't it? He could see near about as far into a mill- stone, as them that picks the hole into it), and mobs will introduce disobedience and defiance to laws, and that must eend in anarchy and bloodshed. No, said the old man, raising his voice, and giving the table a wipe with his fist that made the glasses all jingle agin, give me the country ; that country to which he that made it said, *' Bring forth grass, the herb yieldin seed, and the treeyieldin fruit," and who saw that it was good. Let me jine with the feathered tribe" in the mornin (I hope you get up airly now, Sam; when you was a Loy there was no gittin you out of bed at no rate), and at sunset in the hymns which they utter in full tide of song to their Creator. Let me pour out the thankfulness of my heart to the Giver of all good things, for the numerous blessings I enjoy, and intreat him to bless my increase, that I may have wherewhithal to relieve the wants of others, as he prevents and relieves mine. No 1 give me the country. Its Minister was jist like a horse that has the spavin : he sot ofT considerable stiff at first, but when he once got under way, he got on like a house a fire. He went like the wind, full split. He was jist beginnin to warm on the subject, and I knew if he did, what wonderful bottom he had; he would hang on for ever amost ; so, says I, I think so too minister, I like the country, I al- Avays sleep better there than in towns : it tante so plaguy hot, nor so noisy neither, and then it's a pleasant thing to set out on the stoop and smoke in the cool, ain't it? I think, says I, too, Minister thafc THE MINISTERS HORN MUG. liil are uncommon handsum cider of your'n dcsarves a pii)e, Avhat do you think? Well, says he, I think myself a pipe would'nt be amiss, and I i,'ot some racl good Varj^iny, as you cen amost ever seed, a present from Ilowland Randolph, an old college chum; and none the Averse to my palate, Sam, for bringin bye-gone recollections Avithit. Phoebe, my dear, said he to his darter, bring the pipes and tobacco. As soon as the old gentleman fairly got a pipe in his mouth, 1 give Phopbe a wink, as much as to say, vvarn't that well done. That's what I call a most particular handsum fix. lie can talk now (and that I do like to hear him do), but he can't make a speech, or preach a sarmon, and that / doiit like to hear him oo, cxc3pt on Sabb-Uli day, or up to Town HaH, on oration times. Minister was an uncommon pleasant man 'for tl.dc .vas not'iin amost he didn't know), except when he got his Jar.dcr up, aud then It he did spin out his yarns for evcrlastinly. But I'm of his opinion. If the folks here want their country to -ro ahead, they must honour the plough, and General Camjjbell 1 ought to hammer that are into their noddles, full chisel, as hard as :! he can drive. 1 could larn hin somethin, I guess, about hammeriu he ain't up to. It tante every one that knows how to beat a thing into a man's head, IIow could I have sold so many thousand clocks, if I had'nt had that nack. Why, I wouldn't have sold half a dozen, you may depend. Agricultur is not only neglected but degraded here. What a number of young folks there seem to be in these parts, a ridin about, titivated out real jam, in their go-to-meetin clothes, a doin nolhin, I It's melancholy to think on it. That's the eflect of the last war. i[ The idleness and extravagance of those times took root, and bore . fruit abundantly, and now the young people are above their business, i They are too high in the instep, that's a fact. Old Drivvlc, down here to Maccan, said to me one day, For gra- I cious sake, says he, Mr. Slick, do tell me what I shall do with .Johnny. His mother sets great store by him, and thinks he's the |jj makins of a considerable smart man — he's growin up fast now, and I jj ;am pretty well to do in the world, and reasonable forehanded, but I „ j don't know what the dogs to put him to. The Lawyers are like I I spiders, they've eat up all the Hies, and I guess they'll have to eat (, jeach other soon, for there's more on 'em than causes now every j ! court. The Doctor's trade is a poor one, too, they don't get barely j [cash ennugh to pay for their medicines; I never seed a country prac- j! ftitioner yet that made any thing worth speakin of. Then, as for ji Ipreachin, why church and dissenters are pretty much tarred with J I the same stick, they live in the same pastur with their flocks ; and, J i between 'em, its fed down pretty close, I tell you. What would * ! you advise me to do with him? Well, says I, I'll tell you if you \0i THE CLOCKMAKER. won't be miffy with me. Miffy with you, indeed, said he, I guess I'll be very much obliged to you ; it tante every day one gets a chance to consult with a person of your experience — I count it quite a pri- vilege to have the opinion of such an understandin man as you be. Well, says I, take a stick and give him a rael good quiltin, jist tantune him like blazes, and sot him to work. — What does the critter want? you have a good farm for him, let him go and airnhis bread ; and when he can raise that, let him get a wife to make butter for it; and when he has more of both than he wants, let him sell 'em and lay up his money, and he will soon have his bread buttered on lioirh side^sA-?)Uf :l?inj to, eh! why put him to the Plough, tJie ino,st ngferal^^the most, liappy , the most innocent^ and the most Ik'cdt'hiiyfhiplfnfnieM'in iVfi world. But, said the old man (and he did not look over half-pleased) , markets are so confounded dull, labour so high, and the banks and great folks a swallerin all up so, there don't seem much encouragement for farmers, its hard rubbin, now- a-days, to live by the plough — he'll be a hard workin poor man all his days. Oh ! says I, if he wants to get rich by farmin, he can do that too. Let him sell his wheet and eat his oatmeal and rye ; send his beef, mutton, and poultry to market, and eat his pork and pota- toes, make his own cloth, weave his own linen, and keep out of shops, and he'll soon grow rich — there are more fortins got by savin than by makin, I guess, a plaguy sight — he can't eat his cake and have it too, that's a fact, .^'o, make a farmer of him, and you will have tlie satisfaction of seeing him an honest, an independent, and a respectable member of society — more honest than traders, more in- dependent than professional men, and more respectable than either. Ahem ! says Marm Drivvle, and she began to clear her throat for action: she slumped down her nittin, and clawed off her spectacles, and looked right straight at me, so as to take good aim. I see'd a regular norwester a bruin, I knew it would bust somewhere sartan, and make all smoke agin : so I cleared out and left old Drivvle io stand the squall. I conceit he must have had a tempestical time of it, for she had got her Ebenezer up, and looked like a proper sneezer. Make her Johnny a farmer, eh ! I guess that was too much for the like o' her to stomach. Pride, Squire, continued the Clockmaker (with such an air of concern, that, I verily believe, the man feels an interest in the welfare of a Province, in which he has spent so long a time), Pride, Squire, and a false pride too, is the ?'uin of this country. I hope I vuiy be skinned if it tante. THI-: WHITI:: MUUliU. 103 CHAPTER XX VII. TUE W HITE NIGGER. One oflhe most amiable, and at the same time mosl amusing, trails II tlie Clockmaker's character, was the attachment and kindness A ith which he regarded his horse. He considered ' Old Clay' as far i! ovo a Provincial horse, as he did one of his * free and enlightened itizens' superior to a blue-nose. He treated him as a travelling fuipanion, and when conversation flagged between us, would often -oliloquise to him, a habit contracted from pursuing his journeys .ilone. Well now, he would say, "Old Clay, I guess you took your time agoin up that are hill — s'pose we progress now. Go along, you Id sculpin, and turn out your toes. I reckon you are as dell' as a liad, do you hear there, ' go ahead, Old Clay.' There now, he'd ly. Squire, aint that dreadful pretty? There's action. That looks about right — legs all under him— gathers all up snug — no bobbin of liis head — no roUin of his shoulders — no wabblin of his hind parts, but teady as a pump bolt, and the motion all underneath. When he .jirly lays himself to it, he trots like all vengeance. Then look at liis ears, jist like rabbits, non o' your flop ears, like them Amherst lieasfs, half horses, half pigs, but strait up and pineted, and not loo near at the tips; for that are, I concait, always shews a horse aint Irue to draw. Tliere are only two things^ Squire, worth lookin at in 'horse, action and soundness, for I never saw a critter that had good ction that yvas a had least. Old Clay puts me in mind of one of our roe and enlightened Excuse me, said I, Mr. Slick, but really you appropriate that word free' to your countrymen, as if you thought no other people in the * orld were entitled to it but yourselves. Neither be they, said he. *.Ve first sot the example. Look at our declaration of independence. t was writ by JelTerson, and he was the first man of the age; per- haps the world never seed his ditto. It's a beautiful peace of pen- manship that, he gave the British the butt eend of his mind there. I calculate you couldn't fait it in no particular, it's generally allowed to be his cap shief. In the first page of it, second section, and first > arse, are these words, 'We hold this truth to be self-evident, that ill men are created equal.' I guess King George turned his quid \hen he read that. It was somethin to chaw on, he hadn't been used lolhc flavour of, I reckon. JelTerson forgot toinsertone little word, said I, he should have said, •■all white men;' for, as it now stands, it is a practical untruth, in a country which tolerates domestic slavery in its worst and most for- 104 THE CLOCKMAKER. bidding form. It is a declaration of shame, and not of independence.. It is as perfect a misnomer as ever I knew. Well, said he, I must admit there is a screw loose somewhere thereabouts, and I wish it would convene to Congress, to do somethin or another about our nig- gers, but I am not quite certified how that is to be sot to rights. — I concait that you don't understand us. But, said he (evading the subject with his usual dexterity), we deal only in niggers, — and those thick-skulled, crooked-shanked, flat-footed, long-heeled, woolly-head- ed gentlemen, don't seem fit for much else but slavery, I do sup- pose ; they aint fit to contrive for themselves. They are jist like grasshoppers; they dance and sing all summer, and when winter comes they have nothin provided for it, and lay down and die. They require some one to see arter them. Now, we deal in black niggers only, but the blue-noses sell their own species — they trade in white slaves. Thank God, said I, slavery does not exist in any part of his Majesty's dominions now, we have at least wiped offthat national stain. Not quite, I guess, said he, with an air of triumph, it tante done within Nova Scotia, for I have see'd these human cattle sales with my own eyes — I was availed of the truth ofitupheretoold Furlong's, last November. I'll tell you the story, said he; and as this story of the Clock- maker's contained some extraordinary statements, which I had never heard of before, I noted it in my journal, for the purpose of ascer- taining their truth ; and, if founded on fact, of laying them before the proper authorities. Last fall, said he, I was on my way to Partridge Island, to ship off some truck and T^voAtice I had taken in, in the way of trade; and a5 I neared old Furlong's house, I seed an amazin crowd of folks about the door ; I said to myself, says I, who's dead, and what's to pay now — what on airth is the meanin of all this? Is it a vandew, or a weddin, or a rollin frolic, or a religious stir, or what is it? Thinks I, I'll see — so I hitches old Clay to the fence, and walks in. It was some time afore I was able to swiggle my way thro' the crowd, and get into the house. And when I did, who should I see but Deacon Westfall, a smooth-faced, slick-haired, meechin-lookin chap as you'd see in a hundred, a standin on a stool, jwith an auctioneer's hammer in his hand ; and afore him was one Jerry Oaks and his wife, and two little orphan children, the prettiest little toads I ever beheld in all my born days. Gentlemen, said ho, I will begin the sale by putting up Jerry Oaks, of Apple River, he's a considerable of a smart man yet, and can do many little chores besides feedin the children and pigs, I guess he's near about worth his keep. Will you warrant him sound, wind and limb? says a tall, ragged lookin coun- tryman, for he looks to me as if he was foundered in both feet, and had a string halt into the bargain. When you are as old as I be, says Jerry, mayhap you may be foundered too, young man ; I have. li 11 THE WHITE NIGGEU. lO.i con the day whon you wouldn't dare to pass tliat joke on mc, big as on be. Will anygontlcnian bid for bim, says tbc deacon, lie's cbeap ' -t 7s. Gd. Wby deacon, said Jerry, >vby surely your bonour isn't '! «goin for to sell me separate from my poor old wife, are you? Fifty ■^ 'ears bave we lived togetber as man and wife, and a good wife bas "» he been to me, tbrougb all my troubles and trials, and God knows I. "* lave bad enoiigb of e'm. No one knows my ways and my ailments ■'i lut ber, and wbo can tend me so kind, or wbo will bear wilb tbc "^ omplaints of a poor old man but bis wife. Do, deacon, and Heaven 'i^ iless you for it, and yours, do sell us together; we have but a few il& lays to live now, death w ill divide us soon enough. Leave ber to fe tlosc my old eyes, when the struggle comes, and when it comes to '«! 'ou, deacon, as come it must to us all, may this good deed rise up Ic'i ;or y^ou, as a memorial before God. I wish it had pleased him to pill iave taken us afore it came to this, but his will h' done; and he Mil mng bis bead, as if he felt be bad drained the cup of degradation i'K ,0 its dregs. Can't alTord it, Jerry — 'can't afi'ord it, old man, 1111 aid the deacon (with such a smile as a November sun gives, a In lassin atween clouds). Last year they took oats for rates, now A lotbin but wheat will go down, and that's as good as cash, and f'» ou'll bang on, as most of you do, yet these many years. There's MI- lid Joe Crowe, I believe in my conscience be will live for ever. The illr, )iddiu then went on, and he was sold for six shillings a week. ' iVell, the poor critter gave one long, loud, deep groan, and then ipol olded bis arms over his breast so tight that he seemed tryin to keep 1^11 n his heart from bustin. I pitied the misfortunate wretch from my ta |;oul, I don't know as I ever felt so sfreaked afore. Not so bis wife, MI he was all tongue. She begged and i)rayed, and cryed^and scolded, on ind talked at the very tip eend of ber voice, till she became, poor liiiii ritler, exhausted, and went oU'in a faintin fit, and they ketcbed ber :n ,ip and carried her out to the air, and she was sold in that condition. M Well, I couldn't make head or tail of all this, I could hardly be- n ieve my eyes and ears; so says I to John Porter (bim that bas that ipii :atamount of a wife, that I had such a touss witli), John Porter, eei'i ;ays I, who ever see'd or beer'd tell of the like of this, w hat under d^i ihe sun does it all mean ? What bas that are critter done that he m 'hould be sold arter that fashion ? Done, said be, why nothin, and ilk ;hat's the reason they sell him. This is town-meetin day, and wo id dways sell the poor for the year to the lowest bidder. Them that ntli vill keep them for the lowest sum, gets them. Why, says I, that jyM eller that bought bim is a pauper himself, to my sartin knowledge. If » ou were to take bim up by the heels and shake him for a week, you jil louldn't shake sixpence out of him. ,Howcau he keep bim "Mt appears Ile^ me the poor buy the poor here, and that they all starve together. tiari »ays I, there was a very good man once lived to Liverpool, so good, lOG THE CLOCKMAKER. he said he had'nt sinned for seven years; well, he put a mill-da- across the river, and stopt all the fish from going up, and the cour lined him fifty pounds for it, and this good man was so wrathy, \ thought he should feel better to swear a little, but conscience told hi.| it was wicked. So he compounded with conscience, and cheated t'r devil.by cailin it a 'dam fine business.' Now, friend Porter, if this i your poor-law, it is a damn poor law, I tell you, and no good c;, come of such hard-hearted doins. It's no wonder your count: don't prosper, for who ever heer'd of a blessin on such carryins ( as this ? Says I, Did you ever hear tell of a sartain rich man, th had a beggar called Lazarus laid at his gate, and how the dogs h; more compassion than he had, and came and licked his sores ; cau: if you have, look at that forehanded and sponsible man there, Deac( Westfall, and you see the rich man. And then look at that a. pauper, dragged away in that ox-cart from his wife for ever, like feller to States' Prison, and you see Lazarus. Recollect wh-:^: fc lered, John Porter, and have neither art nor part in it, as you are Christian man. It fairly made me sick all day, John Porter foUered me out of th house, and as I was a turnin Old Clay, said he, Mr. Slick, says he, ; I never see'd it in that are light afore, for it's our custom, and custor you know, will reconcile one to most anything. I must say, it do: appear, as you lay it out, an unfeelin way of providin for the poo. hut, as touchin the matter of dividin man and wife, why (and I-. peered all round to see that no one was within hearin), why, I do; know, but if it was my allotment to be sold, I'd as lives they'd sit me separate from Jane as not, far it appears to me it's about the her part of it. Now, what I have told you. Squire, said the Clockmaker, is t> truth; and if members, instead of their everlastin politics, woil' only look into these matters a little, I guess it would be far betti for the country. So, as for our declaration of independence, I gucs. you needn't twitt me with our slave-sales, for y^e deal only in black; but blue-nose approbates no distinction in colours, and when rcducl' to poverty, is reduced to slavery, and is sold a TFhite A'iggu^. CHAPTER XXVni. FIRE IN THE DAIRY. ^ As we approached within fifteen or twenty miles of Parrsboro' sudden turn of the road brought us direct in front of a large wood house, consisting of two stories and an immense roof, thcheighth FIRE IN THE DAIIIY. 107 "■^ liiicli edifice was much increased by a stone foundation, rising sc- "^(>ral feet alunc ground. Now, did you ever sec, said Mr. Slick, H'l jlich a catamaran as that; there's a proper goney for you, for to go '"' 1 raise such a buildin as that are, and he has as much use for it, o suppose, as my old waggon here has for a fifth wheel. Bluc- ^^ Mse always takes keer to have a big house, cause it shows a big man, ^^ Hid one that's considerable forehanded, and pretty well to do in the •""I iorld. These Nova' Scotians turn up their blue-noses, as a bottle !* lose porpoise turns up bis snout, and puff and snort exactly like him "■' I; a small house. If neii;hbour Carrit has a two story house, all '=^1 illed with winders, like Sandy llook lighthouse, neighbour Parsnip i'' iiust add jist two feet more on to the post of hisn, and about as "«« jiuch more to the rafter, to go ahead of him ; so all these long sarce l">i i?ntlemen strive who can get the furdest in the sky, away from their t'ik lirms. In New England our maxim is a small house, and amost an li-l iverlastin almighty big barn ; but these critters revarse it, tliey have BJ| |tlle hovels for their cattle, about the bigness of a good sizeable bear ( I'ap, and a house for the humans as grand as Noah's Ark. Well, tofi 1st look at it and see what a figur it does cut. An old hat stuffed '\ nto one pane of glass, and an old flannel petticoat, as yaller asjaun- usli lice, in another, finish off the front; an old pair of breeches, and iti lie pad of a bran new cart-saddle worn out, titivate the eend, while ■ ^ "le backside is all closed up on account of the wind. When it rains, )iil there aint a pretty how-do-you-do, its a pity — beds toated out of 14 Ms room, and tubs set in tother to catch soft water to wash; while jJi lie clapboards, loose at the cends, go clap, clap, clap, like galls a bfl 'acklin flax, and the winders and doors keep a dancin to the music. he only dry place in the house is in the chimbley corner, where ,iil he folks all huddle up, as an old hen and hor chickens do under a ,n hrt of a wet day. I' wish I had the matter of half a dozen pound rW If nails (you'll hear the old gentleman in the grand house say), I'll Iji \q darned if I don't, for if I had, I'd fix them are clajiboards, I guess M ney'U go for it some o' these days. I wish you had, his wife would rdi iiy, for they do make a most particular unhansum clatter, that's a 1((^ iict ; and so they let it be till the next tempestical time comes, and |ien they wish agin. Now this grand house has only two rooms t lown stairs, that are altogether slicked up and finished off complete, ' jie other is jist petitioned off rough like, one half great dark entries, j |nd tother half places that look a plaguy sight more like packin boxes I iian rooms. Well, all up stairs is a great onfarnishcd place, filled ' 'ith every sort of good for nothin trumpery in natur — barrels with- ' !ut eends — corn cobs half husked — cast off clothes and bits of old Trness, sheep skins, hides, and wool, apples, one half rotten, and ;inr half squashed — a thousand or two of shingles that have bust ,g^, (.icirwiths, and broke loose all over the floor, hay rakes, forks, and 108 THE CLOCKMAKER. sickles, without handles or teeth; rusty scythes, and odds and eend without number. When any thing is wanted, then there is a ge neral overhaul of the whole cargo, and away they get shifted forrarc one by one, all handled over and chucked into a heap together ti I m the lost one is found ; and the next time, away they get pitched I ?a the starn agin, higglety pigglety, heels overhead, like sheep taken 1^ split for it over a wall ; only they increase in number each movt it cause some on 'em are sure to get broke into more pieces than the Vlt was afore. Whenever I see one of these grand houses, and a h{ m lookin out o' the winder with nary head in it, thinks I, I'll b In darned if that's a place for a wooden clock, nothin short of a Londo jiM touch would go down with them folks, so I calculate I wont alight lis Whenever you come to such a grand place as this. Squire, depen :ji on't the farm is all of a piece, great crops of thistles, and an ever I i lastin yield of weeds, and cattle the best fed of any in the countrj U for they are ahvays in the grain fields or mowin lands, and the pig jiffl a rootin in the potatoe patches. A spic and span new gig at the dooi \M shinin like the mud banks of Windsor, when the sun's on 'em, an if an old wrack of a hay waggin, with its tongue onhitched, and sticki !•': out behind, like a pig's tail, all indicate a big man. He's abov i j thinkin of farmin tools, he sees to the bran new gig, and the hire t helps look arter the carts. Catch him with his go-to-meetin clothe « on, a rubbin agin their nasty greasy axles, like a tarry nigger ; nc i he, indeed, he'd stick you up with it. r The last time I came by here, it was a little bit arter day ligl \k down, rainin cats and dogs, and as dark as Egypt ; so, thinks I, I' - jist turn in here for shelter to Squire Bill Blake's. Well, I knoct ji'il away at the front door, till I thought I'd a split it in ; but arter jtit rappin awhile to no purpose, and lindin no one come, I gropes m ao way round to the back door, and opens it, and feelin all along the pai j 1 tition for the latch of the keepin room, without finding it, I knocl W] agin, when some one from inside calls out ' walk.' Thinks I, I don »ijid cleverly know whether that indicates 'walk in,' or 'walk out,' it lliier plaguy short metre, that's a fact ; but I'll see any how. Well, arte h gropin about awhile, at last I got hold of the string and lifted the late | il and walked in, and there sot old JMarm Blake, close into one corner ( |«i the chimbley fire-place, a see-sawin in arockin chair, and a half grow 1 1 black house-help, half asleep in tother corner, a scroudgin up ove jal the embers. Who be you, said Marm Blake, for I can't see yoi | n A stranger, said I. Beck, says she, speakin to the black heifer i the corner. Beck, says she, agin, raisin her voice, I believe you ar as def as a post, get up this minit and stir the coals, till I see th man. Arter the coals were stirred into a blaze, the old lady sur veyed me from head to foot, then she axed me my name, and wher I came from, where I was agoin, and what my business was. I guesi FIIIE IN THE DAIRY. 109 le? l|id she, you must be reasonable wet, sit to tlic fire, and dry yourself, i mayhap your health may be endamnilied pr'aps. So I sot down, and we soon got pretty considerably well acquainted, i;d quite sociable like, and her tongue, when it fairly waked up, be- jm to run like a mill race when the gate's up. I hadn't been talkin Ing, 'fore I well nigh lost sight of her altogether agin, for little Beck Jgan to flourish about her broom, right and left, in great style, a "llibarin up, and she did raise such an auful thick cloud o' dust, I didn't 'ipliow if I should oversee or breathe either agin. Well, when all •jas so to rights and the fire made up, the old lady began to apologise TjT having no candles ; she said she'd had a grand tea party the night iore, and used them all up, and a whole sight of vittals too, the old jan hadn't been well since, and had gone to bed airly. But, says ie, I do wish with all my heart you had a come last night, for we M a most a special supper — punkin pies and dough nuts, and apple ie||arce, and a roast goose studcd with Indian puddin, and a pig's har- ei utstewed in molasses and onions, and I don't know what all, and the m. Ire part of to-day folks called to finish. I actilly have nothin left to i "iStafore you ; for it was none o' your skim-milk parties, but superfine jwnpercrust real jam, and we made clean work of it. But I'll make kij *me tea, any how, for you, and perhaps, after that, said she, alterin xactise it, it seems to go a little aji the grain, an if it warn't quite right neither. When I was lasto Baltimore there was a Court there, and Chief Justice Marshall \s detailed there for duty. Well, with us in New England, the SheBf attends the Judge to Court, and, says I to the Sheriff, why dot you escort that are venerable old Judge to the State House, he'^a credit to our nation that man, he's actilly the first pothook on e crane, the whole weight is on him, if it warn't for him the fat wod be in the fire in no time ; I wonder you don't show him that respit — it wouldn't hurt you one morsel, I guess. Says he, quite my hke, don't he know the way to Court as well as I do? If I thou. it he didn't, I'd send one of my niggers to show him the road. I wonder who was his lackey last year, that he wants me to be hn this time. It don't convene to one of our free and enlightened c- zens, to tag arter any man, that's a fact; its too English and lo foreign for our glorious institutions. He's bound by law to be th*e at ten o'clock, and so be I, and we both know the way ther I reckon. I told the story to our minister, Mr. Hopewell (and he has scte odd notions about him that man, though he don't always let jt what he thinks) ; says he, Sam, that was in bad taste (a great phise of the old gentleman's that], in bad taste, Sam. That are Sh(iff was a goney ; don't cut your cloth arter his pattern, or your garmit won't become you, I tell you. We are too enlightened to worship ir fellow citizens as the ancients did, but we ought to pay great resjct to vartue and exalted talents in this life; and, arter their de.h, there should be statues of eminent men placed in our national t(i^ A BODY WITHOUT A HEAD. 113 1^ \ pies, for the veneration of arter ages, and public ceremonies performed i|ti I annually to their honour. Arter all, Sam, said he, (and he made a «,« (Considerable of a long pause, as if he was dubersome whether he [OBli foughtto speak out or not), arter all, Sam, said he, atween ourselves lliii ;i (but you nuist not let on I said so, for the fulness of timlaguy cheap way of rewarden M I merit, as the English do ; and although we larf at em (for folks al- 5iii| (Ways will larf at what they han't got, and never can get), yet titles Ion; aint bad things as objects of ambition are they? Then, tappen me on III the shoulder, and looken up and smilin, as lie always did when he lelt was pleased Avith an idee, Sir Samuel Slick would not sound bad, I guess, would it Sam ? wsn I When I look at the English House of Lords, said he, and see so losii j much laming, piety, talent, honour, varliie, and refinement collected lii) I together, I ax myself this here question, can a system which pro- ;ri .duces and sustains such a body of men, as the world never saw be- Hj| -fore and never will see agin, be defective? Well, I answer myself, (all perhaps it is, for all human institutions are so, but I guess it's e'en tiki labout the best arter all. It wouldn't do here now, Sam, nor perhaps sjiil ; for a century to come, but it will come sooner or later with some va- iajji (fiations. Now the Newtown pippin, when transplanted to England, iii I don't produce such fruit as it does in Long-Island, and English fruits livi don't presarve their flavour here, neither; allowance must be made ,|i( for difference of soil and climate — (Oh Lord I thinks I, if he turns ioi linto his orchard, I'm done for; I'll have to give him the dodge some iti; (how or another, through some hole in the fence, that's a fact, but he ifij -passed on that time.) So it is, said he, with constitutions; ourn (ei (Will gradually approximate to theirn, and theirn to ourn. As they tiij [lose their strength of executive, they will varge to republicanism, and roji as we invigorate the form of government (as we must do, or go to \f\ : the old boy), we shall tend towards a monarchy. If this comes on jeij; [gradually, like the changes in the human body, by the slow approach jiij of old age, so much the better; but I fear we shall have fevers, and |)fj ; convulsion-fits, and cholics, and an everlasting ripin of the intestines III [first; you and I wont live to see it, Sam, but our posteriors will, you • may depend. ijji j 1 don't go the whole figur with minister, said the Clockmaker, but lid [I do opinionate with him in part. In our business relations we bely u\ OUT political principles — we say every man is equal in the Union, and j«^ (Should have an ecjual vote and voice in the Government; but in our (Banks, Railroad Companies, Factory Corporations, and so on, every man's vote is regilated by his share and proportion of stock ; and if it warn't so, no man would take hold on these things at all. Natur ordained it so — a father of a family is head, and rules su- preme in his household; his eldest son and darter are like first lefte- 8 114 THE CLOCKMAKER. nants under him, and then there is an overseer over the niggers ; it would not do for all to be equal there. So it is in the univarse, it is ruled by one Superior Power ; if all the Angels had a voice in the Go- vernment, I guess Here I fell fast asleep; I had been nodding for some time, not in approbation of what he said, but in heaviness ol slumber, for I had never before beard him so prosy since I first over- took him on the Colchester road. I hate politics as a subject oi conversation, it is too wide a field for chit chat, and too often ends in angry discussion. How long he continued this train of speculation I do not know, but, judging by the different aspect of the country, I must have slept an hour. I was at length aroused by the report of his rifle, which he had discharged from the waggon. The last I recollected of his conver- sation was, I think, about American angels having no voice in the Government, an assertion that struck my drowsy faculties as nol strictly true; as I had often heard that the American ladies talked frequently and warmly on the subject of politics, and knew that om of them had very recently the credit of breaking up General Jack- son's cabinet. — When I awoke, the first I heard was, well, I declare if that ain't an amazin fine shot, too, considerin how the critter wa; a runnin the whole blessed time ; if I han't cut her head off with < ball, jist below the throat, that's a fact. There's no mistake in ; good Kentucky rifle, 1 tell you. Whose head ? said I, in great alarm whose head, Mr. Slick? for heaven's sake what have you done? (fo 1 had been dreaming of those angelic poUticians, the American la dies.) Why that are hen-partridge's head,jto be sure, said he ; don' you see how special wonderful wise it looks, a flutterin about artei its head. True, said I, rubbing my eyes, and opening them in tim. to see the last muscular spasms of the decapitated body ; true, Mr Slick, it is a happy illustration of our previous conversation — ahod^ without a head. CHAPTER XXX. A TALE OF bunker's HILL. Mr. Slick, like all his countrymen whom I have seen, felt thj his own existence was involved in that of the Constitution of tl United States, and that it was his duty to uphold it upon all occasion; He affected to consider its government and its institutions as perfec and if any doubt was suggested as to the stability or character i either, would make the common reply ol all Americans, ' I guess yc don't understand us,' or else ent-er into a laboured defence. Whe ■" A TALE OF BUNKER'S HILL. !!• "It, however, to the free expression of his own thoughts, he would rten give utterance to those apprehensions which most men feel in he event of an experiment not yet fairly tried, and which has in T Tiany parts evidently disappointed the sanguine hopes of its friends. !^ut, even on these occasions, when his vigilance seemed to slumber, 10 would generally cover them, by giving them, as the remarks o iHiers, or concealing them in a tale. It was this habit that gave his ;, iiscourse rather the appearance of thinking aloud than a connected ""t 'Conversation. 1 We are a great nation, Squire, he said, that's sartain; but I am ifear'd we didn't altogether start right. It's in politics as in racin, ^\ bvery thing depends upon a fair start. If you are off too quick, you ^^ iiave to pull up and turn back agin, and your beast gets out of wind ""' Und is baffled, and if you lose in the start you han't got a fair chance ^^ iirterwards, and are plaguy apt to be jockied in the course. When ^^ we set up housekeepin, as it were for ourselves, we hated our step- ''« imother. Old England, so dreadful bad, we wouldn't foller any of her '" ways ofmanaginat all, but made new receipts for ourselves. Well, •''* ik\'e missed it in many things most consumedly, some how or another. if^ iDid you ever see, said he, a congregation split right in two by a quar- ^ xel ? and one part go off and set up for themselves. I am sorry to fill i>ay, said I, that I have seen some melancholy instances of the kind. iIm Well, Ihey shoot ahead, or drop astern, as the case may be, but they • i soon get on another tack, and leave the old ship clean out of sight. Ml When folks once take to emigratin in religion in this way, they never it know where to bide. First they try one location, and then they try an iinother ; some settle here and some improve there, but they don't nlj itiitch their horses together long. Sometimes they complain they \i \havetoo little water, at other times that i\\Qy have too much; they i!i jire never satisfied, and, wherever these separatists go, they onsettle 5thers as bad as themselves. / never look on a desarter asanygrea shakes. My poor father used to say, *Sam, mind what I tell you, if a man Jon't agree in all particulars with his church, and can't go the whole hog with 'em, he ain't justified on that account, no how, to se- jParate from them, for Sam, ' Schisju is a sin in the eye of God.' The whole Christian world, he would say, is divided into two great families, the Catholic and Protestant. Well, the Catholic is a united In (family, a happy family, and a strong family, all governed by one o( :liead ; and Sam, as sure as eggs is eggs, that are family will grub out 1^ it'other one, stalk, branch, and root, it won't so much as leave the ^ l5eed of it in the ground, to grow by chance as a nateral curiosity. [Id I Now the Prolestant family is like a bundle of refuse shingles, when jif : withered up together (which it never was and never will be to all IP I etarnity), no great of a bundle arter all, you might take it up under 116 THE CLOCKMAKER. one arm, and walk off with it without winkin. But, when all lyio loose as it always is, jist look at it, and see what a sight it is, all blowin about by every wind of doctrine, some away up een a most out of sight, others roUin over and over in the dirt, some split to pieces, and others so warped by the weather and cracked by the sun — no two of 'em will lie so as to make a close jint. They are all divided into sects, railin, quarrellin, separatin, and agreein in nothin, but hatin each other. It is auful to think on. Tother family will some day or other gather them all up, put them into a bundle and bind them up tight, and condemn 'em as fit for nothin under the sun, but the fire. Now he who splits one of these here sects by schism, or he who preaches schism commits a grieveous sin ; and Sam, if you valy your own peace of mind, have nothin to do with such folks. Its pretty much the same in politics. I aint quite clear in my conscience, Sam, about our glorious revolution. If that are blood was shed justly in the rebellion, then it was the Lord's doin, butiC unlawfully, how am I to answer for my share in it. I was at Bunker's Hill (the most splended battle its generally allowed that ever was fought) ; what effects my shots had, I can't tell, and I am glad I can't, all except one, Sam, and that shot Here the old gentleman became dreadfully agitated, he shook like an ague fit, and he walked up and down the room, and rung his hands and groaned bitterly. I have wrastled with the Lord, Sam, and have prayed to him to en- lighten me on that pint, and to wash out the stain of that are blooc from my hands. I never told you that are story, nor your mothei neither, for she could not stand it, poor critter, she's kindei narvous. Well, Doctor Warren (the first soldier of his age, though h( never fought afore), commanded us all to resarve our fire till th( British came within pint blank shot, and we could cleverly see th( whites of their eyes, and we did so — and we mowed them down lik grass, and we repeated our fire with auful effect. I was among thi last that remained behind the breastwork, for most on 'em, arter thi second shot, cut and run full split. The British were close to us and an officer, with his sword drawn, was leading on his men ant encouragin them to the charge. I could see his features, he was rael handsum man, I can see him now with his white breeches an^ black gaiters, and red coat, and three cornered cocked hat, as plai as if it was yesterday, instead of the year '75. Well, I took a sfead aim at him and fired. He didn't move for a space, and I thought had missed him, when all of a sudden, he sprung right straight u an eend, his sword slipt through his hands up to the pint, and the he fell flat on his face atop of the blade, and it came straight ou through his back. He was fairly skivered. I never seed anythin SO auful since I was raised, I actilly screamed out with horror — an ?l \ TALE OF BUNKER'S HILL 117 I threw away my gun and joined them that were retrealin over tlio neck to Cliarlestown. Sam, that arc British olTicer, if our robeUion Aas onjust, or onlawful, was murdered, that's a fact; and llie idi'e, low I am growing old, haunts me day and night. Sometimes I liegin with the Stamp Act, and I go over all our grievances, one by uie, and say aint they a suflicient justification? Well, it makes a 'long list, and I get kinder satisfied, and it appears as clear as any thing. But sometimes there come doubts in my mind jist like a ,'uest that's not invited or not expected, and takes you at a short like, and I say, waro't the Stamp Act repealed, and concessions made, and warn't offers sent to settle all fairly — and I get troubled 'and oneasy again? And then I say to myself, says I, oh yes, but them offers came too late. I do nothin now, when I am alone, but argue it over and over agin. I actilly dream on that man in my sleep sometimes, and then I see him as plain as if he was afore me, 'and I go over it all agin till I come to that are shot, and then I leap right up in bed and scream like all vengeance, and your mother, ^ 'poor old critter, says, Sam, says she, what on airth ails you to make ' you act so like old Scratch in your sleep — I do believe there's some- ""; 'thin or another on your conscience. And I say, Polly dear, I guess '^ 'we're a goin to have rain, for that plaguy cute rheumatishas seized !my foot, and it does antagonize me so I have no peace. It always ^ 'does so when its like for a change. Dear heart, she says (the poor '* 'simple critter), then I guess I had better rub it, hadn't I, Sam ? and 'she crawls out of bed, and gets her red flannel petticoat, and rubs "1 jaway at my foot ever so long. Oh, Sam, if she could rub it out of my heart as easy as she thinks she rubs it out of my foot, I should he in peace, that's a fact. What's done, Sam, can't be helped, there is no use in cryin over >pilt milk, but still one can't help a thinkin on it. But I don't love chisms and 1 don't love rebellion. Our revolution has made us grow faster and grow richer ; but, ''^ ' Sam, when we were younger and poorer, we were more pious and *'' ' more happy. We have nothin fixed either in religion or politics. " I What connection there ought to be atween Church and State, I am ** I not availed, but some there ought to be as sure as the Lord made ■" ' Moses. Religion when left to itself, as with us, grows too rank and !* ■ luxuriant. Suckers and sprouts and intersecting shoots, and super- fluous wood make a nice shady tree to look at, but where's the fruit, Sam? that's the question — where's the fruit? No ; the pride of hu- N' ! man wisdom, and the presumption it breeds, will ruinate us. Jeffer- 1^ • son was an infidel, and avowed it, and called it the enlightenment of i'' ' the age. Cambridge College is Unitarian, cause it looks wise to doubt, and every drumstick of a boy ridicules the belief of his forefathers. " n out country is to be darkened by infidelity, our Government defied "1 118 THE CLOCKMAKER. by every State, and every State ruled by mobs — then, Sam, the bloo we shed in our revolution will be atoned for in the blood and sufferin of our fellow citizens. The murders of that civil war will be ex piated by a political suicide of the State.' [ I am somewhat of father's opinion, said the Clockmaker, thoug I don't go the whole figur with him, but he needn't have made sue an everlastin touss about fixin that are British officer's flint for hia for he'd a died of himself by this time, I do suppose, if he had a misse his shot at him. Praps we might have done a little better, and prap we mightn't, by sticken a little closer to the old constitution. Bi one thing I will say, I think, arter all, your Colony Government i about as happy and as good a one as I know on. A man's life an property are well protected here at little cost, and he can go whei he likes and do what hehkes, provided he don't trespass on his neigl hour. I guess that's enough for any on us, nov^' aint it? CHAPTER XXXI. GULLING A BLUE NOSE. I ALLOT, said Mr. Slick, that the blue-noses are the most gulHb! folks on the face of the airth, — rigular soft horns, that's a fact. Pc liticks and such stuff set 'em a gapin, like children in a chimble corner listening to tales of ghosts, Salem witches, and Nova Scot snow storms; and while they stand starin and yawpin, all eyes an mouth, they get their pockets picked of every cent that's in 'en One candidate chap says, ' Feller citizens, this country is goin the dogs hand over hand : look at your rivers, you have no bridge! at your wild lands, you have no roads ; at your treasury, you ban got a cent in itj at your markets, things don't fetch nolhin ; at yoi fish, the Yankees ketch 'em all. There's nothin behind you butsu ferin, around you but poverty, afore you but slavery and death. What the cause of this unheerd of awful state of things, ay, what's tli cause? Why Judges, and Banks, and Lawyers, and great folks, ha"^ swallered all the money. They've got you down, and they'll kee you down to all etarnity, you and your posteriors arter you. Rise i]f like men, arouse yourselves like freemen, and elect me to the Legif latur, and I'll lead on the small but patriotic band, I'll put the bi wigs thro' their facins, I'll make 'em shake in their shoes, I'll knoc olf your chains and make you free.' Well the goneys fall tu and ele< him, and he desarts right away, with balls, rifle, powder, horn, an all. He promised too much. GULLING A BLUE NOSE. 110 '"[ ' Then comos a rael good man, and an overlaslirj fino ]troaclior, a , ^ most a special spiritual man, renounces Hie world, (he llesh, and Ihe ' f devil, preaches and prays day and night, so kind to the poor, and so humhle, he has no more pride than a habc, and so short-handed, he's I ' \ no butter to his bread — all sell-denial, mortilyin the llesh. Well, as * ' soon as he can work it, he marries the richest gall in all his Hock, ' and then his bread is buttered on both sides. He jj/'omiscd loo much. /* ' Then comes a Doctor, and a prime article he is loo, I've got, says ^ I he, a screw augur emetic and hot crop, and if I can't cure all sorts 'Mo' things in natur my name aint quack. Well, ho turn's stomach and '^^ ' pocket, both inside out, and leaves poor blue-nose— a dead man. He * \ promised loo much. '" [ Then comes a Lawyer, an honest lawyer, too, a real wonder under "I I the sun, as straight as a shingle in all his dealins. lie's so honest he can't bear lo hear tell of other lawyers, he writes agin 'em, raves agin 'em, votes agin 'em, they are all rogues but him. He's jist the man to take a case in hand, cause he will see justice done. Well, I i he wins his case, and fobs all for costs, cause he's sworn to seo justice done to hinisolC. He promised loo much. Then comes a Yankee Clockraaker (and here Mr. Slick looked up and smile«l), with his ' Soft Sawder,' and ' Human Natur,' and he sells clocks warranted to run from July to Etarnity, stoppages included, and I must say they do run as long as — as long as wooden clocks com- ;iilll « inonly do, that's a fact. But I'll shew you presently how I put the :. I ; leak into 'em, for here's a feller a little bit ahead on us, whose flint imtii I I've made up my mind to fix this while past. Here wo were nearly SmI : thrown out of the waggon, by the breaking down of one of those esi ; small wooden bridges, which prove so annoying and so dangerous ta OS i travellers. Did you hear that are snap? said he, well, as sure as fate, m ^ I'll break my clocks over them etarnal log bridges, if Old Clay clips rida i <*ver them artor that fashion. Them are poles are plaguy treacherous, iliB I they are jist like old Marm Patience Doesgood's teeth, that keeps the itn I great United Independent Democratic Hotel, at Squaw Neck Creek, joll I in Massachusetts, one half gone, and tother half rotten eends. ^\^ ; I thought you had dis[>05ed of your last Clock, said I, at Colchester, fsJ I to Deacon Flint. So I did, he replied, the last one I had to sell to jlf I him, but I got a few left for other folks yet. Now there's a man on IIIj [ this road, one Leb Allen, a real gcnui«21 "J ithese parts, let tothers be where they may. If I eould a got supplied ^ .with the like o' tiiem, 1 could a made a t,'rand spec out ol them, lor !' ithey took at once, and went ofl" quick. Have you got it with you, ii ;said Mr. Allen, I should like to see it. Yes, I have it here, all done 'ii lup in tow, as snuy as a bird's egg, to keep it from jarrin, for it hurts •em consumedly to jolt 'em over them are eternal wooden bridges. ^ But it's no use to take it out, it aint for sale, its bespoke, and I wouldn't ^ take the same trouble to get another for twenty dollars. The only li lone thai I know of that there's any chance of gettin, is one that In- a icrease Crane has up to Wilmot, they say he's a sellin off. 1 After a good deal of persuasion, Mr Slick unpacked the clock, but te iprotested against his asking for it, for it was not for sale. It was t«i then exhibited, every part explained and praised, as new in invention ilii ;and perfect in workmanship. Now Mr. Allen had a very exalted Dti opinion of Squire Shepody's taste, judgment, and saving knowledge; i and, as it was the last and only chance of getting a clock of such su- !»8 iperior quality, he ollered to take it at the price the squire was to have k it, at seven pounds ten shillings. But Mr. Slick vowed he couldn't 1 ipart with it at no rate, he didn't know where he could get the like ffi lagin (forhewarn't quite sure about Increase Crane's), and the Squire m iwould be confounded disappointed, he couldn't think of it. In pro- fat iportion to the difficulties, rose the ardour of Mr. Allen, his oilers ad- ■11 vanced to 8/. to 8/. 10s., to 9/. I vow, said Mr. Slick. I wish I ri?i Ihadn't let on that I had it at all. I don't [like to refuse you, but 1,1! i where am I to get the like. After much discussion of a similar na- !,a iture, he consented to part with the clock, though with great apparent DB i reluctance, and pocketed the money with a protest that, cost what it lj( iwould, he should have to procure another, for he couldn't think of le'j ; putting the Squire's pipe out arter that fashion, for he was a very ilis ! clever man, and as fair as a boot-jack. fl^i ; Now, said Mr. Slick, as we proceeded on our way, that are feller is I'tf (properly sarved, he got the most inferior article I had, and I jist |(iS I doubled the price on him. It's a pity he should be a tellin of lies oi jid : the Yankees all the time, this will help him now to a little grain of III (truth. Then mimicking his voice and manner, he repeated Allen's f^ ) words with a strong nasal twang, ' Most time for you to give over the fgf I clock trade, I guess, for by all accounts they ain't worth havin, and fllu 1 most infarnel dear, too, folks begin to get their eyes open.' Better jjjl I for you, if you'd a had your'n open I reckon; a joke is a joke but I [J, i concait you'll find that no joke. The next time you tell stories about u, j Yankee pedlars, put the wooden clock in with the wooded punkin ,jj^ i seeds, and Hickory hams, will you? The blue-noses, Squire, are all Ijl^ I like'Zcb Allen, they think they knowe\ery thing, but they get gulled .„ I from year's eend to year's eend. They expect too much from others, jjj and do too little for themselves. They actilly expect the sun to shine, 122 THE CLOCKMAKER. and the rain to fall, through their little House of Assembly. What have you done for us? they keep axin their members. Who did you spunk up to last Session ? jist as if all legislation consisted in attackin some half-dozen puss-proud folks at Halifax, who are jist as big noo- t dies as they be themselves. Your hear nothin but politics, politics, I pontics, one everlastin sound of give, give, give. If I was Governor I'd give 'em the butt eend of my mind on the subject, I'd crack their pates till I let some light in 'em if it was me, I know. I'd say to the members, don't come down here to Halifax with your long lock- rums about politics, makin a great touss about nothin ; but open the country, foster agricultur, encourage trade, incorporate companies, make bridges, facilitate conveyance, and above all things make a railroad from Windsor to HaUfax; and mind what I tell you now, write it down for fear you should forget it, for it's a fact; and if you. don't believe me, I'll lick you till you do, for there ain't a word of a, lie in it, by Gum : * One such work as the JVindsor Bridge, is worth all your laws, votes, speeches, and resolutions, for the last ten years, if tied up and put into a meal hag together. If it tante I hope X may he shot.^ CHAPTER XXXII. TOO MANY IRONS IN THE FIRE. We had a pleasant sail of three hours from Varrsborough to Windsor. The arrivals and departures by water, are regulated at this place by the tide, and it was sunset before we reached Mrs. Wilcox's comfortable inn. Here, as at other places, Mr. Slick seemed to be perfectly at home ; and he pointed to a wooden clock, as a proof of his successful and extended trade, and of the universal influence of ' soft sawder,' and a knowledge of ' human natur.' Tak- ing out a penknife, he cut ofTa splinter from a stick of firewood, and balancing himself on one leg of his chair, by the aid of his right foot, commenced his favourite amusement of whittling, which he generally pursued in silence. Indeed it appeared to have become with him an indispensable accompaniment of reflection. He sat in this abstracted manner, until he had manufactured into delicate shavings the whole of his raw material, when he very de- liberately resumed a position of more ease and security, by resting his chair on two legs instead of one, and putting both his feet on the mantel-piece. Then, lighting his cigar, he said in his usual quiet manner, There's a plaguy sight of truth in them are old proverbs. Thov are distilled facts steamed dowp to an essence. They are like ! TOO MANY IRONS IN THE FIRE. US Portable soup, an amazin ileal of maltor in a small compass. Tlicy ure what I valy most, experience. Father used to say, I'd as lives liiave an old homespun, self-taught doctor as are a Professor in the College at Philadelphia or New York to attend me; for what they do ,inow, they know by experience and not by books; and experience is '3very thing; it's hearin, and seein, and tryin, and arter that a feller must be a born fool if he don't know. That's the beauty of old pro- i^erbs; they are as true as a plum line, and as short and sweet as lugar candy. Now when you come to see all about this country fOuW find the truth of that are one — ' a man that has too many irons ^ n the fire, is plaguij apt to get some on 'em burnt' Do you recollect that are tree I show'd you to Parrsboro', it was idl covered w ith hlaeli knohs, like a wart rubbed w ith caustic. Well, ;.he plum trees had the same disease a few years ago, and they all died, and the cherry trees f concait will go for it too. The farms lere are all covered with the same '•black knobs,' and they do look ike old scratch. If you see a place all gone to wrack and ruin, it's inortgaged you may depend. The ^black kiiob' is on it. My plan, you know, is to ax leave to put a clock in a house, and let it be till I •eturn. I never say a word about sellin it, for I know when I come )ack, they w-on't let it go arter they are once used to it. Well, when l first came, I knowed no one, and I was forced to inquire whether I man was good for it, afore I left it with him ; so I made a pint of ixin all about every man's place that lived on the road. Who lives ;ip there in the big house? says I — it's a nice location that, pretty .'lonsiderable improvements, them. Why, Sir, that's A. B.'s; he Vas well to do in the world once, carried a stiff upper lip and keered or no one; he was one of our grand aristocrats, wore a long-tailed •oat, and a ruffled shirt, but he must take to ship buildin, and has ■jone to the dogs. Oh, said I, too many irons in the fire. Well, he next farm, where the pigs are in the potatoc field, whose is that? V,% Sir, that's C. D's. ; he was a considerable fore-handed farmer, s any in our place, but he sot up for an Assembly-man, and opened juj (I Store, and things went agin him some-how, he had no luck artcr- Vards. 1 hear his place is mortgaged, and they've got him cited in !;hancery. ' The black knob' is on him, said I. The black what, '>ir? says blue-nose. Nothin, says I. But the next, who improves i 'hal house? Why that's E. F's. ; he was the greatest farmer in these iitj Itarts, another of the aristocracy, had a most noble stock o' cattle, ^ nd the matter of some hundreds out in jint notes ; well, he took the ontract for beef with the troops ; and he fell astarn, so I guess it's a tli| ';ohe goose with him. He's heavy mortgaged. *Too many irons !:gin,' said I. Who lives to the left there? that man has a most pecial line intervale, and a grand orchard too, he must be a good 'nark that. Weil, he was once, Sir, a few years ago; but he built a 124 THE CLOCKMAKER. fullin mill, and a cardin mill, and put up a lumber establishment, aoc speculated in the West Indy line, but the dam was carried awaybj the freshets, the lumber fell, and faith he fell too ; he's shot up, h( han't been see'd these two years, his farm is a common, and fairlj run out. Oh, said I, I understand now, my man, these folks hat too many irons in the fire, you see, and some on 'em have got burnt 1 never heerd tell of it, says blue-nose; they might, but not to mj knowledge ; and he scratched his head, and looked as if he would as! the meanin of it, but didn't like to. Arter that I axed no more ques- tions; I knew a mortgaged farm as far as I could see it. There wai a strong family likeness in 'em all — the sume ugly features, the samt cast o' countenance. The * black knob' was discernible — there wa; no mistake — barn doors broken off — fences burnt up — glass out o windows — more white crops than green — and both lookin weedy- no wood pile, no sarce garden, no compost, no stock — moss in th mowin lands, thistles in the ploughed lands, and neglect every wher — skinnin had commenced — takin all out and puttin nothin in — gittii ready for a move, so as to leave nothin heh'md. Flittin tinie hai come. Foregatherin, for foreclosin. Preparin to curse and quit.— That beautiful river we came up to day, what superfine farms it ha on both sides of it, hante it? its a sight to behold. Our folks have n notion of such a country so far down east, beyond creation most, a Nova Scotia is. If I was to draw up an account of it for the Slickvill Gazette, I guess few would accept it as a bona fide draft, withoi some sponsible man to indorse it, that warnt given to flammic They'd say there was a land speculation to the bottom of it, or water privilege to put into the market, or a plaister rock to get ofl or some such scheme. They would, I snore. But I hope I ma never see daylight agin, if there's sich a country in all our gre£ nation as the w-cinity of Windsor. Now it's jist as like as not, some goney of a blue-nose, that see' us from his fields, sailin up full split, with a fair wind on the packe went right off home and said to his wife, ' Now do for gracious sake mother, jist look here, and see how slick them folks go along ; an that Captain has nothin to do all day, but sit straddle legs across h tiller, and order about his sailors, or talk like a gentleman to h passengers : he's got most as easy a time of it as Ami Cuttle ha since he took up the fur trade, a snarin rabbits. I guess I'll buy vessel, and leave the lads to do the plowin and little chores, they'i growd up now to be considerable lumps of boys.' Well, away he' go, hotfoot (for I know the critters better nor they know themselves and he'll go and buy some old wrack of a vessel, to carry plaiste and mortgage his farm to pay for her. The vessel will jam him i tight for repairs and new riggin, and the Sheriff will soon pay him "VJsit (and he's a most particular troublesome visitor that; if he on) TOO MANY IRONS IN THE FIRE. 125 >nly gets a slight how-d'ye-do acquaintance, ho becomes so amazin , 'ntimafc afterwards, a comin in without knockin, and a runnin in '. ind out at all hours, and niakin so plaguy free and easy, it's about ' 'is much as a bargain if you can get clear of him afterwards). Be- f lipt by the tide, and benipt by the SherilV, the vessel makes shorl ',vork with him. Well, the upshot is, the farm gets neglected, while Captain Cuddy is to sea a drogin of plaister. The thistles run over liis grain fields, his cattle run over his hay land, the interest runs •)ver its time, the mortgage runs over all, and at last he jist runs ■)ver to the lines to Eastport, himself. And when he finds himself ';here, astandin in the street, near Major Pine's tavern, with his hands n his trowser pockets, a chasin of a stray shillin from one end of 'em Id another, afore he can catch it, to swap for a dinner, wont [he look ""' !ike a rivin distracted fool, that's all? He'll feel about as streaked as ■ 1 did once, a ridin dow n the St. John river. It was the fore part of 'March — I'd been up to Fredericton a speculatin in a small matter of ' lumber, and was returnin to the city a gallopin along on one of old ■"'* Buntin's horses, on the ice, and all at once I missed my horse, he *" 'went right slap in and slid under the ice out of sight as quick as "''■ wink, and there I wasa standin all alone. Well, says I, what the 'dogs has become of my horse and port mantle? they have given **" me a proper dodge, that's a fact. That is a narrer squeak, it fairly '^\ bangs all. Well, I guess he'll feel near about as ugly, when he finds ™ himself brought up all standin that way; and it will come so sudden ™ 'on him, he'll say, why it aint possible I've lost farm and vessel both, """ 'in tu tu's that way, but I dont see neither on 'em. Eastport is near '''' about all made up of folks who have had to cut and run for it, )*'' ' I was down there last fall, and who should I see but Thomas '" !Rigby, of Windsor. He knew me the minit he laid eyes upon me, t" for I had sold him a clock the summer afore. (I got paid for it, .though, for I see'd he had too many irons in the fire not to get some '** on 'em burnt; and besides, I knew every fall and spring the wind *^ 'set in for the lines, from Windsor, very strong — a regular trade wind s* • — a sort of monshune, that blows all one way, for a long time with- p [out shiftin.) Well, I felt proper sorry for him, for he was a very fosl Iclever man, and looked cut up dreadfully, and amazin down in the I"' 'mouth. Why, says I, possible! is that you, Mr. Rigby? why, as titk 'I am alive! if that aint my old friend — why how do you do? 11* iHearty, I thank you, said he, how- be you? Reasonable well, I M ' give you thanks, says I ; but what on airth brought you here? Why. ayli 'says he, Mr. Slick, I couldn't well avoid it; times are uncommort si' dull over the bay^ there's nothin stirrin there this year, and never )l!i^ ' will I'm thinkin. No mortal soul cdrw live in ^'ova Scotia. I do be- liiii • lieve that our country was made of a Saturday night, arter all the) ]^ I rest of the Universe was finished. One half of it has got all the 120 THE CLOCKMAKER. ballast of Noah's ark thrown out there ; and the other half is eat up by Bankers, Lawyers, and other great folks. All our money goes to pay salaries, and a poor man has no chance at all. Well, says I, are you done up stock and fluke— a total wrack? No, says he, I have two hundred pounds left yet to the good, but my farm, stocky and utensils, them young blood horses, and the bran new vessel I was a buildin, are all gone to pot, swept as clean as a thrashin floor, that's a fact; Shark and Co. took all. Well, says I, do you know the reason of all that misfortin? Oh, says he, any fool can tell that; bad times to be sure — every thing has turned agin the country, the banks have it all their own way, and much good may it do 'em. Well, says I, what's the reason the banks don't eat us up too, for I guess they are as hungry as yourn be, and no way particular about their food neither, considerable sharp set — cut like razors, you may depend. I'll tell you, says I, how you got that are slide, that sent you heels over head — ' You had too many irons in the fire J" You hadn't ought to have taken hold of ship buildin at all, you knowed nothin about it ; you should have stuck to your farm, and your farm would have stuck to you. Now go back, afore you spend your money, go up to Douglas, and you'll buy as good a farm for two hundred pounds as what you lost, and see to that, and to that only, and you'll grow rich. As for Banks, they can't hurt a country no great, ] guess, except by breakin, and I concait there's no fear of yourn breakin ; and as for lawyers, and them kind o' heavy coaches, givt 'em half the road, and if they run agin you, take the law of 'em. Undivided, unremitt'm attention paid to one thing, in ninety-nini cases out of a hundred, will ensure success ; hut you Icnow the oh sayin about ' too many irons' Now, says I, Mr. Rigby, what o'clock is it? Why, says he, the moon is up a piece, I guess its seven o'clock or thereabouts. I sup- pose its time to be a movin. Stop, says I, jist come with me, I goi a real nateral curiosity to show you — such a thing as you never lai( your eyes on in Nova Scotia, 1 know. So we walked along toward; the beach; Now, says I, look at that are man, old Lunar, and hii son, a sawin plank by moonlight, for that are vessel on the stockf there; come agin to morrow mornin afore you can cleverly discarr objects the matter of a yard or so afore you, and you'll find 'em ati agin. I guess that vessel won't ruinate those folks. They knor, their husiness and stick to it. Well, away went Rigby, considerabh sulky (for he had no notion that it was his own fault, he laid all th( blame on the folks to Halifax), but I guess he was a little graii posed, lor back he went, and bought to Sowack, where I hear he ha; a better farm than he had afore. I mind once we had an Irish gall as a dairy help; well, we had wicked devil of a cow, and she kicked over the niiik pail, and in ra I' WINDSOR AND THE FAR WEST. 127 jora, and swore tlie Bogle did it; jist so poor Rigby, he wouldn't ' low it w as natcral causes, but laid it all to politics. Talkin of Dora, 'its mc in mind of the g,a\\s, for she warnt a bad lookin heifer that; !y! what an eye she had, and I concaited she had a particular Inall foot and ankle too, when I helped her up once into the hay lOw, to sarch for eggs ; but I can't exactly say, for when she brought 'm in, mother shook her head and said it was dangerous; she said tie might fall through and hurt herself, and always sent old Snow rterwards. She was a considerable of a long headed woman, was Rothcr, she could see as far ahead as most folks. She warn't born l3sterday, I guess. But that are proverb is true as respects the galls jio. Whenever you sec one on 'em with a whole lot of sweethearts. Is an even chance if she gets married to any on 'em. One cools Iflf, and another cools oil, and before she brings any one on 'em to jie right weldin heat, the coal is gone and the fire is out. Then she iiay blow and blow till she's tired ; she may blow up a dust, but the Icucc of a flame can she blow up agin, to save her soul alive. I jever see a clever lookin gall in danger of that, I don't long to whisper n her ear, you dear little critter, you, take care, you have too many \'ons in tliefirc, some on ''em will get sto?ie cold, aiultother o?ies will \et bumf so, they'll never he no good iii tiatur. CHAPTER XXXIII. WINDSOR AND THE FAR WEST. ;,» I I'he next morning the Clockmaker proposed to take a drive round |ji jie neighbourhood. You hadn't ought, says he, to be in a hurry; li |ou should see the vicinity of this location ; there aint the beat of it ri j) be found anywhere. ij i While the servants were harnessing old Clay, we went to see a new i^f iridge, which had recently been erected over the Avon River. That, 5ti(( |aid he, is a splendid thing. A New Yorker built it, and the folks ijd fi St. John paid for it. You mean of Halifax, said I ; St. John is in V 10 other province. I mean what I say, he replied, and it is a cre- it to New Brunswick. No, Sir, the Halifax folks neither know nor IT much about the country — they wouldn't take hold on it, and if i*?y had a waited for them, it would have been one while afore they >f abridge, I tell you. They've no spirit, and plaguy little sym- jj. lathy with the country, and I'll tell you the reason on it. There are ' good 'many people there from other parts, and always have been, ^ ho come to make money and nothin else, who don't call it home, lid don't feci to home, and who intend to up killoch and otT, as soon 128 THE CLOCKMAKER. as they have made their ned out of the blue noses. They have go about as much regard for the country as a pedlar has, who trudge along with a pack on his back. He walks, cause he intends to rid at last ; trusts, cause he intends to sue at last; smiles, cause he in tends to clieat at last ; saves all, cause he intends to move all at lasl Its actilly overrun with transient paupers, and transient speculators and these last grumble a nd growl like a bear with a sore head, the whol blessed time, at every thing ; and can hardly keep a civil tongue i their head, while they're fobbin your money handover hand. Thes critters feel no interest in any thing but cent, per cent. ; they deade public spirit ; they han't got none themselves, and they larf at it i others ; and when you add their numbers to the timid ones, the sting ones, the ignorant ones, and the poor ones that are to be. found i every place, why the few smart spirited ones that's left, are too few t do any thing, and so nothin is done. It appears to me if I was a blue nose I'd ; but thank fortin I ain't, so I says nothin — but there i somethin that ain't altogether jist right in this country, that's a facl But what a country this Bay country is, isn't it? Look at th{ medder, bean't it lovely? The Prayer Eyes of lUanoy are the top ( the ladder with us, but these dykes take the shine off them by a Ion chalk, that's sartin. The land in our far west, it is generally allowe can't be no better ; what you plant is sure to grow and yield well, an food is so cheap, you can live there for half nothin. But it don agree with us New England folks ; we don't enjoy good health there and what in the world is the use of food, if you have such an etarm dyspepsyyou can't disgest it. A man can hardly live there till nej grass, afore he is in the yaller leaf. Just like one of our bran ne^ vessels built down in Maine, of best hackmatack, or what's bettc still, of our rael American live oak (and that's allowed to be aboi the best in the world), send her off to the West Indies, and let he lie there awhile, and the worms will riddle her bottom all full of holt like a tin cullender, or a board with a grist of duck shot thro' it, yo wouldn't believe what a hore they be. Well, that's jist the case wit the western climate. The heat takes the solder out of the knees an elbows, weakens the joints, and makes the frame ricketty. Besides, we like the smell of the Salt Water, it seems kinder naten tu us New Englanders. We can make more a plowin of the sea; than plowin of a prayer eye. It would take a bottom near about a long as Connecticut river, to raise wheat enough to buy the carg of a Nantucket whaler, or a Salem tea ship. And then to leave one folks, and native place where one was raised halter broke, and trair «d to go in gear, and exchange all the comforts of the old States, fc them are new ones, don't seem to go down well at all. Why, th very sight of the Yankee galls is good for sore eyes, the dear littl critters, they do look so scrumptious, I tell you, with their cheek \ WINDSOR AM) THE KAK W EST. 12\) "l bloomiii like a red rose Inuliled on a white one, and their eyes like "^Mrs. Adams's diamonds ( that folks say shine as well in the dark as in the liclit), neck like a swan, lips chock full of kisses — lick 1 it ifairly makes one's mouth water to think on 'em. Ikit it's no ufio Italkin, they are just made critters, that's a fact, lull of health, and '.life, and beauty, — now, to change them are splendid white water ililies of Connecticut and Rhode Island, for the yallcr croeusses of Illanoy, is what we don't like. It goes most confoundedly a;j;in the iirain, I tell you. Poor critters, when they get away Lack there, ithey grow as thin as a sawed lath, their little peepers are as dull as a boiled codfish, their skin looks like yaller fever, and they seem all (mouth like a crocodile. And that's not the worst of it neither, for jwhen a woman begins to grow sailer it's all over with her; she's up la tree then you may depend, there's no mistake. You can no more jbring back her bloom, than you can the colour to a leaf the frost has 'niched in the fall. Its gone goose with her, that's a fact. And liat's not all, for the temper is plaguy apt to change with the I'l icheek too. When the freshness of youth is on the move, the'sweet- tii| mess of temper is amazin apt to start along with it. A bilious cheek ak land a sour temper are like the Siamese twins, there's a nateral cord llof lof union atween them. The one is a sign board, with the name of 11,11 ithc firm written on it in big letters. He that don't know this, {^ Scan't read, I guess. It's no use to cry over spilt milk, we all ttir iknow, but it's easier said than done that. Women kind, and espe- it3r icially single folks, will take on dreadful at the fadin of their roses, h iand their frettin only seems to make the thorns look sharper. Our mil {minister used to say to sister Sail ( and when she was young she klj (was a rael witch, amost an everlastin sweet girl), Sally, he used !alf (to say, now's the time to larn, when you arc young ; store your leli imind well, dear, and the fragrance ,will remain long arter the rose a Ihas shed its leaves. The oiler of roses is stronger than 'the rose, and it,r \a pJacjwj supit more valuable. Sail wrote it down, she said it wafrn't sei ia bad idee that; but father larfed, he said he guessed minister's jeii icourtin days warn't over, when he made such pretty speeches as ;that are to the galls. Now, who would go to expose his wife or DiU this darters, or himself, to the dangers of such a climate, for the t% Isake of 30 bushels of wheat to the aero, instead of 15. There \i fseems a kinder sometlun in us that rises in our throat when we think on it, and won't let us. We dont like it. Give me the shore, and let them that like the Far West, go there, I soy. This place is as fartile as Illanoy or Ohio, as healthy as any part of the Globe, and right along side of the salt water; but the folks want three things — Industry, Enterprise, Eeonon///;t\\esc blue-noses lon't know how to \aly this location — only look at it, and see what a place for business it is — the centre of the Provituf— the nateral 'J 130 THE CLOCKMAKER. capital of the Bazin of Minas, and part ol the bay of Fiindy — the great thoroughfare to St. John, Canada, and the United States — the exports- of Ume, gypsum, freestone, and grindstone — the dykes — but it's no use talkin ; I wish we had it, that's all. Our folks are like a rock maple tree — stick 'em in any where, buteend up and top down, and they will take root and grow ; but put 'em in a rael good soil like this, and give 'em a fair chance, and they will go a head and thrive right off, most amazin fast, that's a fact. Yes, if we had it we would make another guess place of it from what it is. In one yem we would have a railroad to Halifax, which, tmlike the stone tha, killed two hirds, leouldbe the makin of both places. I often tell the folks this; but all they can say is, oh we are too poor and too young, Says I, you put me in mind of a great long legged, long tailed colt, father had. He never changed his name of colt as long as he lived, and he was as old as the hills ; and though he had the best of feed, was as thin as a wippin post. He was colt all his days — always younj ■ — always poor ; and young and poor you'll be I guess to the eend o the chapter. On our return to the Inn the weather, whidi had been threaten- ing for some time past, became very tempestuous. It rained foi three successive days, and the roads were almost impassable To continne my journey was wholly out of the question. I deter- mined, therefore, to take a seat in the coach for Halifax, and defo until next year the remaining part of my tour. Mr. Slick agreed ti meet mc here in June, and to provide for me the same conveyauce had used from Amherst. I look forward with much pleasure to ou meeting again. His manner and idiom were to me perfectly nev and very amusing ; while his good sound sense^ searching observa- tion, and queer humour, rendered his conversation at once valuabl and interesting. There are many subjects on which I should like t draw him out; and I promise myself a fund of amusement in hi remarks on the state of society and manners at Halifax, and the ma Chinery of the local government, on both of which he appears t entertain many original and some very just opinions. As he took leave of me in the coach, he whispered, ' Inside of you great big cloak you will find wrapped up a box, containin a thou sand rael genuine first chop Ilavanahs — no mistake — the clear thinf When you smoke 'em, think sometimes of your old companion, Sa Slick, the Clockmaker.' ii, THE MEETING. 131 CHAPTER \X\IV. THE MEETING. Whoever has condescended to read the preceding Chapters of the I'.lorkniakcr, or the Sayincs and Doiniis of Mr. Samuel Slick, will rocoilcct that our tour of Nova Scotia terminated at Windsor last autumn, in consequence of bad roads and bad weather, and that it was mutually agreed upon between us to resume it in the following *": -spring. But, alas! spring came not. Tiicy retain in this country ^ 'the name of that delightful portion of the year, hut it is ' Vox et ' ipreterea nihil.' The short space that intervenes between the disso- '* 'lutionof winter and the birth of summer deserves not the appellation. Toi i Vegetation is so rapid here, that the valleys are often clothed with ™ 'verdure before the snow has wholly disappeared from the forest. There is a strong similarity between the native and his climate; 'lie one is without youth, and the other without spring, and both \hibit the ell'ects of losing that preparatory season. Cidl'mitlon is '*^" ' wantim/. Neither the mind nor the soil is properly prepared. There •^f' ' in no time. The farmer is compelled to hurry through all his field iperations as he best can, so as to commit his grain to the ground in f" ' time to insure a crop. Much is unavoidably omitted that ought to ''w , be done, and all is performed in a careless and slovenly manner. '"' 1 The same haste is observable in education, and is attended with si- y i milar elTects; a boy is hurried to school, from school to a profession, ^ ' and from thence is sent forth into the world before his mind has been ill* ' duly disciplined or properly cultivated. I'S' When I found Mr. Slick at Windsor, 1 expressed my regret to him hat we could not have met earher in the season ; but really, said I, K^^ they appear to have no spring in this country. Well, I don't know, 'XS 1 said he; 1 never seed it in that light afore; I was athinkin we might stump the w hole univarsal world for climale. It's generally allowed, i'^ \ our climate in America can't be no better. The spring may be a til ' little short or so, but then it is added to t'other eend, and makes tli ! a'most an everlaslin fine autumn. Where will you ditto our i'all? oJ I It whips English weather by a long chalk, none of your hangin, shootin, drownin, throat-cuttin weather, but a dear sky and a good breeze, rael cheerfulsome. That, said I, is evading the question ; I was speaking of the short- ness of siiriiig, and not of the comparative merit of your autumn, which I am ready to admit is a very charming jiortion of the year in America. IJut there is one favour I must beg of you during this tour, and that is, to avoid the practice you indulged in so much last r 132 THE CLOCKMAKER. year, of exalting everything American by depreciating everything British. This habit is, I assure you, very objectionable, and has already had a very perceptible eflect on your national character. I believe I am as devoid of what is called national prejudices as most men, and can make all due allowances for them in others. I have no objection to this superlative praise of your country, its institu- tions, or its people, provided you do not require me to join in it, or express it in language disrespectful of the English. Well, well, if that don't beat all, said he; you say, you have no prejudices, and yet you can't bear to hear tell of our great nation, and our free and enlightened citizens. Captain Aul (Hall), as he called himself, for I never seed an Englishman yet that spoke good English, said he hadn't one mite or morsel of prejudice, and yet in all his three volumes of travels through the Z7-nited States (the greatest nation it's ginerally allowed atween the Poles), only found two things to praise, the kindness of our folks to him, and the State prisons. None are so blind, I guess, as them thai won't see; bat your folks can't bear it, that's a fact. Bear what? said I. The su- periority of the Americans, he replied; it does seem to grig 'era, there's no denyin it ; it does somehow or another seem to go agin their grain to admit it most consumedly; nothin a'most ryles them so much as that. But their sun has set in darkness and sorrow^ never again to peer above the horizon. They will be blotted out ol the list of nations. Their glory has departed across the Atlantic to fix her everlastin abode in the Z7-nited States. Yes, man to man, baganut to baganut, — ship to ship, — by land or by sea, — fair fight, or rough and tumble, — we've whipped'em, that's a fact, deny il who can; and we'll whip 'em, ag'in to all etarnity. We averag€ more physical, moral, and intellectual force than any people on the face of the airth; we are a right-minded, strong-minded, sound- minded, and high-minded people, I hope I may be shot if we ain't. On fresh or on salt water, on the lakes or the ocean, down comes the red cross and up go the stars. From Bunker's Hill clean away uf to New Orleens the land teems with the glory of our heroes. Yes, our young Republic is a Colossus, with one foot in the Atlantic and ihe other in the Pacific, its head above the everlastin hills, graspin in its hands a tri A rifle, shooting squirrels, said I ; a very suitable employment for such a tall, overgrown, long-legged youngster. Well, well, said he, resuming his ordinary quiet demeanor, and with that good humor that distinguished him, put a rifle, if you will, n his hands, I guess you'll find he's not a bad shot neither. But I must see to Old Clay, and prepare for ouf journey, which is a con- siderable of a long one, I tell you, — and taking up his hat, he pro- ceeded to the stable. Is that fellow mad or drunk, said a stranger who came from Halifax with me in the coach ; I never heard such a ' THE VOLUNTARY SYSTEM. ia3 -jpouring fool in my life; — I had a strong inclination, if he had not iktMi liiinself oil", to shew him out of the door, — Diil you ever hear iii;h insulVerable >anity? I should have been excessively sorry, said, if you had taken any notice of it. lie is, I assure you, loither mad nor drunk, but a very shrewd, intelligent fellow. I net with him accidentally last year while travelling through the istern part of Ihe province; and although I was at first somewhat I innoyed at the unceremonious manner in which he forced his ac- '^' juaintance upon me, 1 soon found that his knowledge of the pro- ince, its people and government, might be most useful to me. He lis some humour, much anecdote, and great originality; — he is, in -liort, quite a character. I have employed liim to convey me from liis i)lace to Shelburne, and from thence along the Atlantic coast to ilalifax. Although not exactly the person one would choose for a ravelling companion, yet if my guide must also be my companion, '^'t 1 do not know that I could have made a hap[)ier selection. lie 'ill lenables me to study the Yankee character, of whicli in his particular if» -class lie is a fair sample; and to become acquainted with their pecu- f» iliar habits, manners, and mode of thinking. He has just now given o« lyou a specimen of their national vanity; which, after all, is, I be- Ife llieve, not much greater than that of the French, though perhaps w more loudly and rather differently expressed. He is w^ell informed ooli land quite at home on all matters connected with the machinery of the ta American government, a subject of much interest to me. The ex- iii! iplanalions I receive from him enable me to compare it with the British i land Colonial constitutions, and throw much light on the speculative w Iprojects of our reformers. I have sketched him in every attitude e« 'and in every light, and I carefully note down all our conversations, » !so that I flatter myself, when this tour is completed,! shall know as m much of America and Americans as some who have even written a aiii I book on the subject. CHAPTER XXXV. a j ll THE VOLl^TARY SYSTEM. i I The day after our arrival at Windsor, being Sunday, we were com- r. pelled to remain there until the following Tuesday, so as to have one ^ ) day at our command to visit the College, Retreat Farm, and the other f I objects of interest in the neighbourhood. One of the inhabitants ■» ' having kindly offered me a seat in his pew,l accompanied him to the i I church, which, for the convenience of the College, was built nearly i mile from the village. From him I learned, that, independently of / ; 134 THE CLOCKMAKER. the direct influence of the Church of England upon its own members, who form a very numerous and respectable portion of the inhabitants of Nova Scotia, its indirect operation has been both extensive and important in this colony. The friends of the establishment, having at an early period found- ed a college, and patronised education, the professions have been filled with scholars and gentlemen, and the natural and very proper emulation of other sects being thus awakened to the importance of the subject, they have been stimulated to maintain and endow aca- demies of their own. The general diffusion through the country of a well-educated body of clergymen, like those of the establishment, has had a strong ten- dency to raise the standard of qualification among those who differ from them, while the habits, manners, and regular conduct of so re- spectable a body of men naturally and unconsciously modulate and in- fluence those of their neighbours, who may not perhaps attend their ministrations. It is, therefore, among other causes doubtless, owing in a great measure to the exertions and salutary example of the Church in the Colonies that a higher tone of moral feeling exists in the British Provinces than in the neighbouring states, a claim which I find very generally put forth in thiscountry, and though not exactly admitted, yet certainly not denied even by Mr. Slick himself. The suggestions of this gentleman induced me to make some inquiries of the Clockmaker, connected with the subject of an establishment; I therefore asked him what his opinion was of the Voluntary System. Well, I don't know, said he; what is yourn? I am a member, I replied, of the Church of England ; you may, therefore, easily sup^ pose what my opinion is. And I am a citizen, said he, laughing, ol Slickville, Onion county, state of Connecticut, United States ol America : you may therefore guess what my opinion is too : I reckon we are even now, ar'n't we? To tell you the truth, said he, I nevei thought much about it. I've been a considerable of a traveller in m} day; arovin about here and there and everywhere; atradin wher- ever I seed a good chance of making a speck; paid my shot into th( plate, whenever it was handed round in meetin, and axed no ques- tions. It was about as much as I could cleverly do, to look arterm] own consarns, and I left the ministers to look artor theirn ; but takt 'em in a gineral way they are pretty well to do in the world with us especially as they have the women on their side. Whoever has th( women is sure of the men, you may depend, squire; openly or se- cretly, directly or indirectly; Ihcy do contrive, somehow or another to have their own way in the ecnd, and tho' the men have the reins tlie women tell 'em which way to drive. Now, if ever you go for ti canvas for votes, always canvas the wives, and you arc sure of the liusbands. i THE VOLUNTARY SYSTEM. l.Ki ' I recollect when I was last up to Albania, to one of the new cities 'talely built there, 1 was awalkin one inornin airly out o' town to I'^et a leetle fresh air, for the weather was so plaguy sultry I could hardly breathe a'most, and 1 seed a most splendid location there near ithe road; a beautiful while two-story house with a ^iraiul Nirandah ■ runnin all round it, painted green, and green vernitians to the win- "•jders, and a white pallisade fence in front lined with a row of Lom- ■| "hardy |>oplars, and two rows of 'em leadin up to the front door, like iw(t files of sodgers with fi\t baganuts; each side of the avenue was I ^rass plot, and a heaulihd image of Adam stood in the centre ofoni'. 11 'em, — and of Eve, with a lig-leaf apron on, in t'other, made of wood by a nafkr artist, and painted so nateral no soul could tell em Iromstone. '^ i The axenuc was all planked beautiful, and it was lined with ilowers {in pots and jars, and looked a touch above common, I tell f/on. ^ ivVhile I was astoppin' to look at it, who should drive by but the imilkman with his cart. Says I, stranger, says I, I suppose you ■don't know w ho lives here, do you? I guess you are a stranger, said le, ain't you"? Well, says I, I don't exactly Know as I ain't; hut vho lives here? The Kev. Ahab Meldrum, said he, I reckon. \hah Meldrum, said I to myself; I wonder if it can be the Ahab Meldrum I was to school with to Slickville, to minister's, when we was hoys. It can't be possible it's him, for he was fitter for a State's prisoner than a Slate's preacher, by a long chalk. He was a poor >tick to make a preacher on, for minister couldn't beat nothin lnt<3 i liiiu a'mosl, he was So cussed slu[)id ; but I'll sec any how : sol walks right through the gate and rajis away at the door, and a tidy, wcU- j igged nigger help opens it and shews me into a'most an elegant famished room. I was most darnted to sit dow n on the chairs, they s\ere so splendid, for fear 1 should spile 'em. There was mirrors md varses, and lamps, and picturs, and crinkum cxankums, and no- 'lons of -all sorts and sizes in it. It looked like a bazar a'mosl, it v\cis nil'd with such an everlastin sight of curiosities. The room was considerable dark loo, for the blinds w'ds shdl, and flii ' I was skear'd to uutve fur fear o' doin mischief. Presently in comes ti^ I Ahab, slowly sailin in, like a boat droppiu down stream in a calm, with a pair «' purple slippers on, and a figured silk dresSin gound, and carrying a'most a beautiful-hound hook in his hand. May I presume, says he, to inquire who I have the onexpected pleasure of seeing this mornin? If you'll gist throw open one o' them are shutters, says I, I guess the light will save us the trouble o' axin' names. I know who you be by your voice any how, tho' it's consi- tlernbb' softer than it was ten years ago. I'm Sam Slick, says I,'^ what's left (•* me at least. Verily, said he, friend Samuel, I'mgUid to see you: and how did you leave that excellent man and dislin- l:?0 THE CLOCKMAKER. guished scholar, the Rev. Mr Hopewell, and my good friend your father? Is the old gentleman still alive? if so, he must anow be ripefuU of years as he is full of honors. Your mother, I fhink I hecrd, was dead — gathered to her fathers — peace be with her ! — she had a good and a kind heart. I loved her as a child: but the Lord taketh whom he loveth. Ahab, says I, I have but a few minutes to stay with you, and if you think to draw the wool over my eyes, it might perhaps take you a longer time than you are athinkin on or than I have to spare ; — there are some friends you've forgot to inquire after tho', — there's Polly Bacon and her little boy. Spare me, Samuel, spare me, my friend, says he ; open not that wound afresh, I beseech thee. Well, says I, none o' your nonsense then ; shew me into a room where I can spit, and feel to home, and put my feet upon the chairs without adamagin things, and I'll sit and smoke and chat with you a few minutes; in fact I don't care if I stop and breakfast with you, for I feel consider- able peckish this mornin. Sam, says he, atakin hold of ray hand, you were always right up and down, and as straight as a shingle in your dealins. I can trust you^ I know, but mind, — and he put his fingers on his lips — mum is the word ; — bye goncs are bye gones, — you wouldn't blow an old chum among his friends, would you? I scorn a nasty, dirty, mean actions, say I, as I do a nigger. Come, foller me, then^ says he; — and ho led me into a back room, with an oncarpeted painted floor, famished plain, and some shelves in it, with books and pipes and cigars, pigtail, and what not. Here's liberty-hall, said he; chew or smoke, or spit as you please ; — do as you like here; we'll throw ofTall resarve now; but mind that cursed nigger; he has a foot like a cat, and an ear for every keyhole — don't talk too loud. Well, Sam, said he, I'm glad to see you too, my boy; it puts me in mind of old times. Many's the lark you and I have had togetker in Slickville, when old Hunks — (it made jne start, that hemeantMr. Hopewell, and it made me feel kinder dandry at him, for I wouldn't let any one speak disrespectful of him afore me for nothin, I know) — when old Hunks thought we was abed. Them was happy days o' light heels and light hearts. I often think on 'em and think on 'em too with pleasure. Well. Ahab, says I, I don't gist altogether know as I do; there are some things we might gist as well a' most have left alone, I reckon ; but what's done is done, that's a fact. A hem! said he, so loud, I looked round and I seed two niggers bringin in the breakfast, and a grand one it was, — tea and coflee and In- (Igian corn and cakes, and hot bread and cold bread, fish, fowl, and flesh, roasted, boiled and fried; prcsarves, pickles, fruits; in short, every thing a'most you could think on. You needn't wait, said Ahab to the blacks; I'll ring for you when I want you; we'll help ourselves. i THE VOLUNTARY SYSTEM. 137 !* I Well, nvIkmi 1 looked round and seod lliis rrillrr alivin' this \\ay, '*k |in the fat o' llio land, up t(» liis knot's in ck>viT like, it did pose me "•'1 l?onsiderablc to know how ho worked it so cleverly, for he was ■^ 'hoiiiiht always, as a boy, to be rather more than half onder-l)aked, 1* Considerable soft-like. So, says I,Ahab, says I, I calciilale you'r ''^1 like the cat we used to throw out of minister's ijarrat winder, when !^i fWO was aboardin there to school. How so, Sam? said he. Why, "• Hays I, you always seem to come on your feet some how or another. ^ iVou have trot a plaguy nice thing of it here; that's a fact, and no mistake (the critter had three thousand dollars a year) ; how on airfh '» 'did you manage it? I wish in my heart I had ataken up the trade in o' preacliin' tbo; when it does hit it does capitally, that's sartain. fife iWhy, says he, if you'll promise not to let on to any one about it, I'll linj ;(ell you. I'll keep dark about it, you may depend, said I. I'm not a nk man that can'l keep nothin in my gizzard, butgo right olFand blart out A .jU I hear. I know a thing worth two o' that, I guess. Well, says l» ihe, it's done by a new rule I made in grammar — the feminine gender ]» iis more worthy than the neuter and the neuter, more worthy than ^l the masculine; I gist soft sawder the women. It (aint every man iwill let you fickle him ; gnd if you do, he'll make faces at you enough ito frighten you into fits; but tickle his wife and it's electrical — he'll laugh like any thing. They are the forred wheels, start them, and the hind ones foller of course. Now it's mostly women that tend leli? meetin here: the men-folks have their politics and trade to talk [fit lOver, and what not, and ain't time; but the ladies go considerable ^joi irigular, and we have to depend on them, the dear critters. I gist lay m -myself out to get the blind side o' them, and I sugar and gild the pill Jji so as to make it pretty to look at and easy to swallar. Last Lord's day, for instance, I preached on the death of the widder's son. 1! jWell, I drew such a pictur of the lone watch at the sick bed, the pa- led jtience, the kindness, the tenderness of women's hearts, their for- (jl living disjiosition — (the Lord forgive me for saying so, tho', for if ilili 'there is a created critter that never forgives, it's a woman ; they p seem to forgive a wound on their pride, and it skins over and looks j,, jail heal'd up like, l)ut touch 'cm on the sore spot ag'in, and see how ill ('cute their memory is) — their sweet temper, soothers of grief, dis- jl^ »|)ensers of joy, ministrin angels. — I make all the virtues ofthefe- m, jminine gender always, — then I wound up with a quotation from , jWaltcr Scott. They all like poetry, do the ladies, and Shakspearo, Scott, and Byron, arc amazin' favorites; they go down muchbeltcr than them old-fashioned staves o' Watts. ' Oh woman, in our hour of ease. Uncertain, coy, and hard to please, And variable as the shade By the lijht qiiiverin^j nspr n made : W'lieii pain and aiif^nish wring lh<- brow, A niinisterini; angel tiiou.' 138 THE CLOCKMAKEll. ' If I didn't touch it otT to the nines it's a pity. I never heerd you preach so well, says one, since you was located hero. I drew from natur', says I, a squezin of her hand. Nor never so touchin, says another. You know my moddle, says I, lookin' spooney on her. I fairly shed tears, said a third ; how often have you drawn them from me? says I. So true, said they, and so nateral, and truth and natur is what we call eloquence. I feel quite proud, said I, and conside- rably elated, my admired sisters, — for who can judge so well as the ladies of the truth of the description of their own virtues? I must say 1 feelt somehow kinder, inadequate to the task too, I said, — for the deptli and strength and beauty of the female heart passes all understandin When I left 'em I heard 'em say, ain't he a dcarMuan, a sweei critter, a' most a splendid preacher; none o' your mere moral lec- turers, but a rael right down genuine gospel preacher. Next day 1 received to the tune of one hundred dollars in cash, and fifty dollar; ^;?-oduce, presents from one and another. The frutli is, if a rninistei wants to be popular he should remain single, for then the galls all hav< a chance for him ; but the moment he marries he's up a tree; his flin is fixed then ; you may depend it's gone goose with him arter that that's a fact. No, Sam ; they are the pillars of the temple, the dea little critters — And I'll give you a wrinkle for your horn, perhaps yoi ain't got yet, and it may be some use to you when you go down atradii with tlie benighted colonists in the outlandish British provinces The roadto the headlkes through the hi'art. Pocket, you mean, instea of head, I guess, said I ; and if you don't travel that road full chisst it's a pity. Well, says I, Ahab, when I go to Slickville I'll gist te Mr. Hopewell what a most a precious, superfine, superior darn' rascal you have turned out; if you ain't No. 1, letter A, I want I know who is, that's all. You do beat all, Sam, said he; it's tJw syi tern that's vicious, and not the preacher . If 1 didn't give 'em the so sawder they would neither pay me nor hear me; that's a fad. Ai you so soft in the horn now, Sam, as to suppose the galls would tat the trouble to come to hear me tell 'em of their corrupt natur' ar fallen condition ; and first thank me, and then pay me for it? Vej entertainin that to tell 'em the worms will fatten on their pretty lilt rosy cheeks, and that their sweet plump flesh is nothin' but gras flourishin to day, and to be cut down, withered, and rotten to-morro> ain't it? It ain't in the natur' o' things; if I put them out o' concc o' themselves, I can put them in concaito' me; or that they will coc down handsome, and do the thing ginteel, it's gist onpossible. warn t me made the system, but the system made mo. The roktr tary dont work well. System or no system, said I, Ahab, you are Ahab still, and Ah> you'll be to the eend o' the chapter. You may dccaivc the womi by soft sawder, and yourself by talkin' about systems, but you wot I THE VOLUNTARY SYSTliM IW ! iwalk into mo so easy, I know. It ain't pretty at all. Now, said I, '' )Ahal>, I told you 1 wouldn't blow you, nor will 1. I will neither * iispeak o' things past nor things present. I know you wouldn't, Sam, '" 'said he; you were always a good foUer. But it's on one condition, ''* |says I, and that is, that you allow Polly Baron a hundred dollars a- " year — she was a good gall and a decent gall when you lirst know'd * iher, and she's in greatdistress now to Slickville, I tell you. That's I'l ionTair, that's onkind, Sam, said he ; that's not the clean thing ; I can't "1 iaiTord it ; it's a breach o' confidence this, but you got me on the hi|), ^ ;and I can't help myself; — say fifty dollars, and I will. Done, said ^ >I, and mind you're up to the notch, for I'm in airnest — there's no mis- i" (take. l)e|)end upon me, said he. And, Sam, said he, ashakin hands lit jalong with me at partin', — excuse me, my good feller, but I hope e lii! Jmay never have the pleasure to see your face ag'in. Ditto, says I; i |but mind the fifty dollars a-year, or you will see me to a sartainty — ois I good b'ye. ill I How dilTerent this cussed critter was from poor, dear, good, old si iJoshua Hopewell. I seed him not long arter. On my return to llii iConnecticut, gist as I was apassin' out o' Molasses into Onion County, It iwho should 1 meet but minister amounted upon his horse, old Captain psi jJack. Jack was a racket, and in his day about as good a beast as III lever hoisted tail (you know what a racker is, don't you squire? said iiK I the clockmaker ; they brings up the two feet on one side first, together Dill ilike, and then t'other two at once, the same way; and they do gel cliii (over the ground at a' most an amazin' size, that's sartain], but poor lisll I old critter, he looked pretty streak'd. You could count his ribs as iju ifar as you could see him, and his skin was drawn so tight o\er him, lai every blow of minister's cane on liim sounded like a drum, he was so ki i holler. A candle poked into him lighted would have shown through iki ihim like a lantern. He carried his head down to his knees, and the :l,| Ihide seem'd so scant a pattern, he showed his teeth like a cross dog, \\\ (and it started his eyes and made 'em look all outside like a weasel's. ii:( sHe aclilly did look as if he couldn't help it. Minister had two bags \ jroll'd up and tied on behind him, like a portmanter, and was ajoggin ;|j| Ion alookin down on his horse, and the horse alookin down on the (gt i road, as if he was scekin a soft spot to tumble down upon. joiK I It was curious to see Captain Jack to6, when he heerd Old Clay (Dj: iacomin' along full split behind him ; he cocked up his head and tail, illd land jirick'd up his ears, and looked corner ways out of an eye, as tilf. j much as to say, if you arc for a lick of a quarter of a mile I dcui't .1 1 feel much up to it, but I'll try you any way; — so here's at you. lie did try to do pretty, that's sartain, as if he was ashamed of lookin iiji I so like Old Scratch, gist as a fellar does up the shirt collar and ) €ombs his hair with his fingers, afori^ he goes into the room anions i the galls. 140 THE CLOCKMAKER. The poor skilliton of a beast was ginger to the backbone, you may depend — all clear grit; what there was of him was whalebone ; that's a fact. But minister had no rally about him,- he was proper chop- fallen, and looked as dismal as if he had lost every friend that he had on airth. Why, minister, says I, what onder the sun is the matter of you? You and Captain Jack look as if you had had the cholera; what makes you so dismal and ^onv horse so thin? what's out o' joint now? Nothin' gone wrong, I hope, since I left? Nothin' has gone right with me, Sam, of late, said he; I've been sorely tried with affliction, and my spirit is fairly humbled. I've been more insulted this day, my son, than I ever was afore in all my born days. Minis- ter, says I, I've gist one favour to ax o' you ; give me the sinner's name, and afore daybreak to-morrow mornin' I'll bring him to a reck'nin and see how the balance stands. I'll kick him from here to Washington, and from Washington back to Slickville, and then I'll cow-skin him, till this ridin-whip is worn up to shoe strings, and pitch him clean out o' the State. The infarnal villain ! tell me who he is, and if he war as big as all out-doors, I'd walk into him. I'll teach hi.m the road to good manners, if he can save eyesight to see it, — hang me if I don't. I'd like no better fun, I vow. So gist shew me the man that darst insult you, and if he does so ag'in, I'll give you leave to tell me of it. Thank you, Sam, says he ; thank you, my boy, but it's beyond your help. It ain't a parsonal affront of that natur', but a spiritual affront. It ain't an affront offered to me as Joshua Hopewell, so much as an affront to the minister of Slickville. That is worse still, said I, because you can't resent it yourself. Leave him to me, and I'll fix his flint for him. It's a long story, Sam, and one to raise grief, but not anger; — you mustn't talk or think of fightin, it's not becomin a Christian man: but here's my poor habitation ; put up your horse and come in, and we'll talk this affair over by and by. Come in and see me, — for, sick as I am, both in body and mind, it will do me good. You was always a kind-hearted boy, Sam, and I'm glad to see the heart in the right place yet ; — come in, my son. Well, when we got into the house, and sot down, — says I, minister, what the dickens was them two great roll's o' canvas for, I seed snugg'd up and tied to your crupper? You looked like a man who had taken his grist to mill, and was returnic with the bags for another ; what onder the sun had you in them ? I'l tell you, Sam, said he, — you know, said he, when you was to home we had a State Tax for the support o' the church, and every man hat to pay his share to some church or another. I mind, says I, quit( well. Well, said he, the inimy of souls has been to work among us and instigated folks to think this was too compulsory for a free people and smelt too strong of establishments, and the legislatur' rcpcalc( the law; so now, instead o' havin a rigilar legal stipind, we havi p THE VOLUNTARY SYSTEM. 141 \hat Ihey call llio volunlary, — every man pays what he likes, wlien le likes, and lo whom he likes, or il' it don't convene him he pays idtiiin ; — do you apprelKMid me'? As clear as a boot-jack, says I ; iiitiiin could be plainer, and I suppose that some o' your factory >[)le that make canvas have given you a present of two rolls of it to !i;ike bajzs lo hold your pay in? My breeches-pockets, says he, Sam, sliakin o' his head, I estimate, are big enough for that. No, Sam; lime subscribe and some don't. Some say, we'll give, but we'll not , )ind ourselves ; — and some say, we'll see about it. Well, I'm e'en i|i, 'most starved, and Captain Jack does look as poor as Job's turkey; liafs a fact. So T thought, as times was hard, I'd take the bags and o[ some oats for him, from some of my subscribin congregation ; — I would save them the cash, and suit me gist as well as the blunt. N Iierever I went, I" might have fill'd my bags with excuses, but I t no oats; — but that warn't the worst of it neither, they turn'd the il»les on me and took me to task. A new thing that for me, I guess I) uiy old age, to stand up to be catekised like a convarfed Heathen. A'hy don't you, says one, jine the Temperance Society, minister? J^t^ jl, because, says I, there's no warrant for it in Scriptur', as I see. A ^ ,, Ihristian obligation to sobriety is, in my mind, afore anyengagement II honor. Can't think, says he, of payin' to a minister that coun- iiances drunkenness. Says another, — minister, do you smoke? ' s, says I, I do sometimes: and 1 dont' care if I take a pipe along ith you now ; — it seems sociable like. Well, says he, it's an abuse the critter, — a waste o' valuable time and an encouragement of J jlavery ; I don't pay to upholders of the slave system ; 1 go the whole igur' for abolition. One found me too Calvinistic, and another too k rmenian ; one objected to my praying for the President, — for, he said, (' was an cverlaslin' almighty rascal; — another to my wearin' a , ,o\vn, for it was too Popish. In short, I git nothin' but objections to , J j'most everything I do or say, and I see considerable plain my in- jj jOmeisgone; I may work for nothin' and find thread now, if I choose. J j'he only one that paid me, cheated me. Says he, minister, I've been J jJookin' for you for some time past, to pay my contribulion, and I ' laid by twenty dollars for you. Thank you, snid I, friend, but that A, 5 more than your share; ten dollars, I think, is the amount of your (^ ; (ubscription. Well, says he, 1 know that, but I like to do things ^,[ Jiandsum, and he who gives to a minister Irnds to the Lord ; — but, iays he, I'm afeer'd it won't turn otit so much now, for the Bank has jSil'd since. It's a pity you hadn't acall'd afore, but you must take ,he will for the deed. And he handed me a roll of the Bubble Bank japer, that ain't worth a cent. Are you sure, said I, that you put "j |his aside for me when it was good ? sartain, says he, I'll take my J ,ath of it. There's no 'casion for that, says I, my friend, nor for me \^ jo take more than my due neither ; — here arc {<^n of them back again. 142 THE CLOCKMAKER. 1 hope you may not. lose them altogether, as I fear I shall. But he cheated me, — I know he did. This is the blcssin of the voluntary, as far as I'm consarned Now, I'll tell you how it's agoin' to work upon them; not through m^ agency tho', for I'd die first ;— afore I'd do a wrong thing to gain th whole universal world. But what are you doin' of, Sam, said he acrackin' of that whip so? says he; you'll e'en a' most deefen me Atryin' of the spring of it, says I. The night afore I go down to Nov Scotia, I'll teach 'em Connecticut quickstep — I'll larn 'em to mak somersets — I'll make 'em cut more capers than the caravan monke ever could to save his soul alive, I know. I'll quilt 'em, as true a my name is Sam Slick; and if they fullers me down east, I'll lam baste them back a plaguy sight quicker than they came; the nastj dirty, mean, sneakin villains. I'll play them a voluntary — I'll fa 1 sol them to a jig tune, and show 'em how to count baker's dozer Crack, crack, crack, that's the music, minister; crack, crack, cracl I'll set all Slickville ayelpin ! I'm in trouble enough, Sam, says he, without addin that are toil don't quite break my heart, for such, carryin's on would near aboi kill me. Let the poor deludid critters be, promise me now. Wei well, says I, if you say so, it shall be so; — but I must say I long 1 be at 'em. But how is the voluntary agoin for to operate on them Emitic, diuretic, or purgative, eh? I hope it will be all three, ai turn them inside out, the ungrateful scoundrils, and yet not be gi strong enough to turn them back ag'iii. Sam, you're an altered ma says he. It appears to me the whole world is changed. Don't ta so on-Christian : we must forget and forgive. They will be the grea estsulTerers themselves, poor oritteis, bavin destroyed the indepen ence of their minister, — their minister will pander to their vanit He will be afeer'd to tell them unpalatable truths. Instead of telli 'em they are miserable sinners in need of repentance, he will tell'e they are a great nation and a great people, will quote history mo than the Bible, and give 'em orations not sarmons, encomiums a not censures. Presents, Sam, will bribe indulgence. The minisv will be a dumb dog! It sarves 'em right, says I; 1 don't care wit becomes of them. ! hope they will be dumb dogs, for dumb dc» bite, and if tbey drive you mad, — as I believe from my soul they w. — I hope you'll bite every one on 'em. But, says I, minister, lalkin' of presents, I've got one for youtha> somethin like the thing, I know; and I took out my pocket-bcv and gave him a hundred dollars. I hope I may be shot if I didi . 1 felt so sorry for him. Who's this from? said he, smilin. From Alabama, said I; butle giver told me not to mention his name. Well, said he, I'd aratlr he'd asent me a pound of good Yirginy pig tail, because I could hfe TRAINING A CARRIBOO. NS ' iiik'd him for thai, ami not foil loo miuli obligation. Presents of iicij 'injure hotli (lie r/hrr and rere'nrr, iind tfes/ro// the eqiul'ihrinm ' /riends/ifj), and diniin/s// independenee and self-respeet .■ but it's H riuhl; it will enable me to send neighbour Dcarbourn's two sons school. It will do good. 'Cute little fellers them, Sam, and will ike considerable smart men, if they are properly seed to; but the M L'cnllemarn their lather, is, like myself, nearly used up, and \ I'laguy poor. Thinks I, if that's your sort, old gentleman, I wish 1 ' pad my hundred dollars in my pocket-book ag'in, as snug as a bug I ;i rug, and neighbour Dearbourn's two sons might go and whistle M their srhoolin'. Who the plague cares whether they have any iinin' or not? I'm sure I don't. It's the first of the voluntary sys- 111 I've tried, and I'm sure it will be the last. Yes, yes, squire, the vohintary don't work well, — 1]iat''s a fact. Utah has lost his soul to save his body, minister ha^ lost his body to !•(' his soul, and Fee lost my hundred dollars slap to save my feel— Thr denrr t who toil harder and fare worse than he does? then take his income u,j I for ten years and multiply it. See, says you, in ten years he has jj received the enormous sum of seven thousand five hundred pounds: jjj . then run over all the things seven thousand live hundred pounds iiL, , would elTect on roads, bridges, schools, and so on, and charge him HI, with havin been the means of robbin the country of all these bless- . , ins : call 'em blood-suckers, pampered minions, bloated leeches. J I Then there's the college, says you; it's for the aristocracy, to keep j up distinctions, to rivit our fetters, to make the rich richer, and the (J ( strong stronger; talk of native genius and self-taught artists, of .|, I natur's scholars, of homespun talent; it flatters the multitude this — '« 1 it's pop'lar, you may depend. Call the troops mercenaries, vile hire- ^ i lings, degraded slaves; turn up your eyes to the ceiling and invoke !l j defeat and slaughter on 'em; if they are to enforce the law, talk of : standing armies, ofslavery, of legionary tyrants, — call them forigners, j I vulturs thirsting for blood, — butchers, — every man killed in a row, mil I ..... _ _ 'j j or a mob, call a victim, a murdered man, — that's your sort, my . I darlin — go the whole hog, and do the thing genteel. Anyih'mff that ^ J gives power to the masses reiU please tJic masses. If there was nothin , to attack there would be no champions ; if there is no grievance you 148 THE CLOCKMAKER. must make one : call all changes reform, whether it makes it better or not, — anything you want to alter, an abuse, call All that oppose you, call anti-reformers, upholders of abuses, bigots, sycophants, office-seeking Tories. Say they live by corruption, by oppressin the people, and that's the reason they oppose all change. How streaked they'll look, won't they? It will make them scratch their heads and stare, I know. If there's any man you don't like, use your privilege and abuse him like old Scratch, — lash him like a nig- ger, cut him up beautiful — oh, it's a grand privilege that! Do this, and you'll be the speaker of the House, the first pot-hook on the crane, the truckle-head and cap-sheave— you will, I snore. Well, it does open a wide field, don't it, said Mr. Buck, for an ambitious man ? I vow, I believe I'll take your advice ; I like the idea amazin'ly. Lord, 1 wish I could talk like you, — you do trip it off so glib — I 'U take your advice tho' — I will, I vow. Well, then, Mr. Buck, if you will really take my advice, I' II give it you, said I, free-gratis for notJiin. Be Iwnest, he consistent, he temperate; he rather tlie ad- vocate of internal improvement than political change; of rational reform, hut not organic alterations. J\Feitlier flatter the tnoh, nor flatter the government ; support what is right, ojjpose what is wrong ; what you think speak ; try to satisfy yourself, and not others ; and if you are not popular, you will at least he respected; popularity lasts hut a day, respect mill descend as a heritage to your children. CHAPTER XXXVn. NICK BRADSHAW. We left Gaspereaux early in the morning, intending to breakfast at Kentville. The air was cool and bracing, and the sun, which had just risen, shed a lustre over the scenery of this beautiful and fertile valley, which gave it a fresh and glowing appearance. A splendid country this, squire, said the Clockmaker ; that's a fact ; the Lor(] never made the beat of it. I wouldn't ax no better location in th( farmin line than any of these allotments; grand grazin grounds ant superfine Ullage lands. A man that know'd what he was abou might live like a fightin cock here, and no great scratchin for ii neither. Do you see that are house ©n that risin hummock to th( right there? Well, gist look at it, that's what I call about right Flanked on both sides by an orchard of best-grafted fruit, a tid^j little clever flower-garden in front, that the galls see to, and a'mosi a grand sarce garden over the road there sheltered by them are wil- lows. At the back side see them ever-lastin big barns; and, by NfCK BRADSHAW. 110 gosli ! lluMO goes the dairy cows; a prclly sij^lit loo, lliat fourteen • of them marGliin Intlgian lilc alter milkiii', down tolliat are medder. Whenever you see a place all snuijed up and lookin like that are, depetul on it the folks are honeysuckle, and rose-hushes shew the ^ family are brought up right ; somethin to do to home, instead of ■ racin about to quiltin parties, huskin frolicks, gossipin, talkin I scandal, and neglecfin their business. Them little matters are like I throwin up straws, they shew which way the wind is. When I galls attend to them are things, it shows they are what our minister i used to call, ' right-minded.' It keeps them busy, and when ' folks are busy, they ha'n't time to get into mischief; and it amuses them too, and if keeps the dear little critters healthy and cheerful. I I lelieve I'll alight and breakfast there, if you've no objection. ' 1 should like you to see that citizen's improvements, and he's a plaguy nice man too, and will be proud to see you, you may depend. We accordingly drove up to the door, where we were met by S(iuire James Morton, a respectable, intelligent, cheerful-looking man, apparently of about fifty years of age. He received me with ™ all the ease and warmth of a man to whom hospitality was habitual and agreeable, — thanked Mr. Slick for bringing me to see him, and i observed that he was a plain farmer, and lived without any preten- " I tions to be other than he was, and that he always felt pleased and "'^ I gratified to see any stranger who would do him the favor to call upon him, and would accommodate himself to the plain fare of a jilain countryman. He said, he lived out of the world, and the con- versations of strangers was often instructive, and always acceptable to him. Hi then conducted us jnto the house, and introduced us to his wife and daughters, two very handsome and extremely inte- resting girls, who had just returned from superintending the ope- rations of the dairy. I was particularly struck with the extreme , neatness and propriety of their attire, plain and suitable to their 5^* ! morning occupations, but scrupulously nice in its appearance. '''• ! As the clock struck seven (a wooden clock, to which Mr. Slick '*'' ; looked with evident satisfaction as a proof of his previous acquain- Ifi^ { tance), the family were summoned, and Mr. Horton addressed a '^ \ short but very appropriate prayer to the Throne of Grace, rendering i»' j the tribute of a grateful heart for the numerous blessings with which is> I he was surrounded, and supplicating a continuance of divine favour. j1* ' There was something touching in the simplicity and fervour of his to" ; devotion, while there was a total absence of that familiar tone of !. address so common in America, which, often bordering on profanity, ! shocks and disgusts those who have been accustomed to the more ' decorous and respectful language of our beautiful liturgy. ' Breakfast was soon announced, and we sat down to an excellent and substantial repast, everything abundant and good of its kind, 150 THE CLOCKMAKER. and the whole prepared with a neatness that bespoke a well-regu-^ lated and orderly family. We were then conducted round the farm, and admired the method, regularity, and good order of the establish-? ment. I guess this might compare with any of your English farms, said the Clockmaker ; it looks pretty considerable slick this — don't it? We have great advantages in this country, said Mr. Hor- ton; our soil is naturally good, and we have such an abundance of salt sludge on the banks of the rivers, that we are enabled to put our uplands in the highest state of cultivation. Industry and eco- nomy can accomplish anything here. We have not only good mar- kets, but we enjoy an almost total exemption from taxation. We have a mild and paternal government, our laws are well and impartially administered, and we enjoy as much personal freedom as is consistent with thepeace and good order of society. God grant it may long con-, tinue so ! and that we may render ourselves worthy of these blessings, by yielding the homage ofgrateful hearts tothe Great Author and Giver of all good things. A bell ringing at the house at this time, reminded us that we were probably interfering with some of his arrangements, and we took leave of our kind host, and proceeded on our journey, strongly impressed with those feelings which a scene of domestic happiness and rural felicity like this never fails to inspire. We had not driven more than two or three miles before Mr. Slick suddenly checked his horse, and pointing to a farm on the right-hand side of the road, said. Now there is a contrast for you, with a ven- geance. That critter, said he, when he built that wrack of a house (they call 'em a half-house here), intended to add as much more to it some of these days, and accordingly put his chimbley out-side, to sarve the new part as well as the old. He has been too lazy, you see, to remove the bankin put there, the first fall, to keep the frost out o' the cellar, and it has rotted the sills off, and the house has fell away from the chimbley, and he has had to prop it up with that great stick of timber, to keep it from coming down on its knees altogether. All the winders are boarded up but one, and that has all the glass broke out. Look at the barn ! — the roof has fell in in the middle, and the tw'o gables stand starin each other in the face, and as if they would like to cgme closer together if they could, and consult what was best to be done. Them old geese and vetren fowls, that are so poor the foxes won't steal 'em for fear o' hurtin theii eeth, — that little yaller, lantern'jaw'd, long-legg'd, rabbit-eared runl of a pig, that's so weak it can't curl its tail up, — that old frame of a crow, astandin there with its eyes shot-to, acontemplatin of its lat- ter eend, — and that varmint-lookin horse with his hocks swelled bigger than his belly, that looks as if he had come to her funeral, — is all his stock, I guess. The goney has showed his sense in one thing, however, he has burnt all his fence up ; for there is no dangej NICK BRADSIIAW. 151 te«ii. , of other folks' cattle breakin into his field to starve, and gives his (an Old Moolcy a chance o' nights if she find an open gate, or a pair of lUiil, . hars down, to got a treat of clover now and then. dear, if you lii»lij I was to get up airly of a niornin, afore the dew was ofl' the ground, His. , and mow that are hold with a razor, and rake it with a fine-tooth Bj i comb, you wouldn't get^slull" enough to keep one grasshopper through Qcei the winter, if you was to be hanged for it. ' Sposc we drive up to Ion i the door to light a cigar; if NickBradshawis to home, I should like to lea i have a little chat with him. It's worth knowin kow ho can farm Ibdi [ with so little labour; for anything that saves labour in this country, elj, : where help is so plaguy dear, is worth larnin, you may de[)cnd. rtjal ' Observing us pause and point towards his domain, Nicholas lifted ijstg jOiTthe door and laid it on its side, and, emerging from his den of dirt jfd J and smoke, stood awhile reconnoitring us. He was a tall, well-built, sii)!, ^ athletic-looking man, possessed of great personal strength and surpris- (jj^ I ing acti\ify, but looked like a good-natured, careless fellow, who loved talking and smoking better than work, and prefiirred the plea- sures of the tap-room to the labours of the field. lie thinks we want his vote, said the Clockmaker. He's looking as big as all out-doors, gist now, and w aitin for us to come to h/ni. lie wouldn't condescend to call the king his cousin gist at this present time. It's independant Ij day with him, I calculate; happy-lookin critter, too, ain't he, with iji ! that are little, short, black pipe in his mouth? The fact is, squire, jj the moment a man takes to a pipe he becomes a philosifer; — it's the jjj I poor man's friend; it calms the mind, soothes the temper, and makes j , a man patient onder trouble. It has made more good men, good jL J husbands, kind masters, indulgent fathers, and honest fellers, than ' anyolher blessed thing in this universal world. The Indgians always ' buried a jjipe and a skin of tobacco willi their folks, in case smokin u ' should be the fashion in the next world, that they mightn't go onpro- j I vided. Gist look at him: his hat has got no crown in it, and the ,1, I rim hangs loose by the side, like the bale of a bucket. His trousers and jacket are all flyin in tatters of dillerent colour'd patches. He has one old shoe on one foot, and an onlanned mocasin on t'other. He j ain't had his beard cut since last sheep-shearin, and he looks as shaggy as a yearlin colt. And yet you see the critter has a rakish look too. That are old hat is cocked on one side quite knowin, ho has both hands in his trousers'-pockets, as if he had somelhin worth feelin there, while one eyeshot-toon account of the smoke, "and the ather standin' out of the way of it as far as it can, makes him look like a bit of a wag. A man that didn't smoke couldn't do that now, squire. You may talk about fortitude^, and patience, and Christian resignation, and all that are sort of thing, fill you're tired; I've seen it and heerd tell of it too, but I ncAcr knew an instance yet where it didu'tcomea little grain-heavy or sour out of the oven. Philosophy III I 152 THE CLOCKMAKER. is like most other guests I've seed, it likes to visit them as keeps good tables, and though it has some poor acquaintances, it ain't more nor half pleased to be seen walkin lock and lock with 'em. But smokin Here he comes, tho', I swan ; he knows Old Clay, I reckon : he sees it ain't the candidate chap. This discovery dispelled the important airs of Nicholas, and taking the pipe out of his mouth, he retreated a pace or two, and took a running leap of ten or twelve feet across a stagnant pool of green water that graced his lawn, and served the double purpose of rearing goslins and breeding moschetoes, and by repeating these feats of agi- lity on the grass several times (as if to keep himself in practice), was fcy the side of the waggon in a few minutes. Mornin, Mr. Bradshaw, said the Clockmaker; how's all to home to-day? Reasonable well, I give you thanks: — won't you alight? Thank you, I gist stopt to light a cigar. — I'll bring you a bit o' fire, said Nick, in the twinklin of an eye; and bounding off to the house with similar gigantic strides, he was out of sight in a moment. Happy, good-natured citizen that, you see, squire, said Mr. Slick, he hain't been fool enough to stiffen himself by hard work neither ; for you see he is as supple as an eel. The critter can jump like a cata-r mount, and run like a deer; he'd catch a fox a' most, that chap. Presently out bounded Nick in the same antelope style, waving over his head a lighted brand of three or four feet long. Here it is, said he, but you must be quick, for this soft green wood won't hold fire in no time — it goes right out. It's like my old house there, and that's so rotten it won't hold a nail now ; after you drive one in you can pull it out with your finger. How are you off for tobacco? said Mr. Slick. Grand, said he, got half a fig left yet. Get it for you in a minit, and the old ladies' pipe too, and without waiting for a reply, was curvetting again off to the house. That gony, said tho Clock- maker, is like a gun that goes off at half cock — there's no doin nothin with him. I didn't want his backey, I only wanted an excuse to give him some ; but it's a strange thing that, squire, but it's as sure as rates, the poor are every where more liberal, more obligin, and vfiore hospitable, accordm to their means, than the rich are.- they beat ttiera all hollar, — its a fact, I assure you. When ho returned, Mr. Slick told htm that he was so spry, he was out of hearing before he could stop him; that he didn't require any himself, but was going to offer him a fig of first chop genume stuff he had. Thank you, said he, as he took it, and put it to his nose; ■ — it has the right flavour that — rather weak for me, tho'. I'm thinking it'll gist suit the old lady. She smokes a good deal now for the cramp in her leg. She's troubled with the cramp sometimes, away down some where about the calf, and smokin, they say, is good for it. He then took the tobacco very scientifically between the forefingey \k NICK BRADSHAW. 1S3 111 tluiinb of his loft hand, and cut it into small shrods that fell into .(' palm. Thon holding; both knif(> and li;^ hctwoon his teeth, ho illod, untwisted, and pulverised the cut tobacco by rubbing and grind- -; it between his two hands, and refilled and lighted his pi|)e, and lonouncing the tobacco a prime article, looked the very picture of ippiness. How's crops in a general way this year? said Mr. Slick. k'cll, they are just about midlin, said he; the seasons han't bocn ry good lately, and somehow the land don't bear as it used to when ,, was a boy ; but I'm in great hopes times are goin to be better now. ^ 'hey say things look brighter ; I feel a good deal encouraged myself. ' 'hey tell me the governor's agoin to appoint a new council ; I guess, J ley'll do sun'thin for the country. Ah, said the Clockmaker, that ideed, that would be sun'thin like, — it would make times quite risk ag'in — farmers could aflbrd to live then. It would raise markets Misiderable. Sol see in the papers, said Nick: the fact o' the )5^ latter is, the assembly men must do sun'thin for the country, or it \i ;ill go to the dogs, that's sartain. They tell me too that the council ,j jOors are to be opened, so that we can hear the debates; — that will ,jl^. e a great privilege, won't it? Very, said the Clockmaker, it will elp the farmers amazin'ly that : I should count that a great matter ; ^ :tiey must be worth hearin them counsellors. It's quite a treat to J jear the members in the house, particularly when they talk about i^j jaokin, currency, constitution, bounties, and such tough knotty liji hings; — they go so deej) into these matters, and know so much about •3m, it's quite edifyin. I've larnt more new things, and more things J \ niver knew afore, in half an hour in the assembly, than ever I eerd afore in my life, and I expect t'other house will be quite as ■ise. Well, I'm glad to hear you say so, said Nicholas; I feel iiehoiv quite encouraged myself: if we had a bounty of about a j.ulling a bushel for raisin potatoes, two and sixpence a bushel for j.'heat, and fifteen pence for oats, 1 think a body w?«7Zf^ have a chance |3 make out to scratch along to live here ; and I'm told when the ;ouncil doors are opened, we shall actually get them. I must say, feel quite encouraged myself. But stop, said he, laying his hand n Mr. Slick, do you see that are varmint alookin' artcr the old lady's jhickins over there by the barn? I had a crack at him yesterday, |ut he was too far oIT — wait a bit ; and he scampered off to the house, j»rought out his gun, which had been previously loaded, and throwing jiimself on all fours, proceeded towards the barn as rapidly as a quad- .uped. Stop, stop, daddy, said a little half-naked imp of a boy, stop ill I get my cock-shy. Well, bear a hand then, said ho, or he'll be 11: I won't wait a minit. The boy darted into the house, and returned in an instant with a ;hort round hard wood club in his hand, and throwing himself in the ime posture, thrust his head under the skirts of his father's coat, III' ! 154 THE CLOCKMAKER. and crawled after him, between his legs, the two appearing like oi long monstrous reptile. The hawk, observing this unusual motioi rose higher in the air, as he slowly sailed round the building; b Nicholas, not liking to be balked of his shot, fired at a venture, ar fortunately broke his wing. Stop, daddy, said the boy, recoverii his feet, stop, daddy, it's my turn now; and following the bird, th fled with inconceivable rapidity, like an ostrich, half running, ha flying, threw his cock-shy at him with unerring aim, and killed hin Ain't he a whopper, daddy ! said he. See! and he stretched out h wings to their full extent — he's a sneezer, ain't he? I'll show hi to mammy, I guess, and off he ran to the house to exhibit his priz — Make, a smart man that, said Nick, regarding his boy, as he ca ried oil the bird, with looks of entire satisfaction; make a conside able of a smart man that, if the assembly men would only give us chance; but I feel quite encouraged now. I think we shall have good brood of chickens this year, now that thievin' rascal has goth flint fixt; and if them three regiments come to Halifax that's talkt of this winter, poultry will fetch a'most a grand price, that's sartai It appears to me there's a hawk, or a wild cat, or a fox, or a lawye or a conslable, or a somethin or another for everlastin'ly a bother of a poor man ; but I feel quite encouraged now. I never seed that critter yet, said the Clockmaker, that he didi say he felt 'quite encouraged;' he's always lookin for theAssemb to do great things for him, and every year feels 'quite encouragt they will do sun' thin at the next session that will make his forti / wonder if folks will ever lam that politicks are tlie seed mention.'' in Scriptur that fell hy the road-side , and the fowls came and pick^. them up. They dont henefit the farmer, hut they feed them hung' birds, — the party leaders. The bane of this country, squire, and indeed of all America, ; havin' too much land ; they run over more ground than they can c- tivate, and crop the land so severely that they run it out. A ve' large portion of land in America has been run out by repeated grn crops, and when you add that to land naturally too poor to bear grai, or too broken for cultivation, you will find this great country in a fu way to be ruined. The State of Varmont has nothin like the exports it used to bar, and a plaguy sight of the young folks come down to Boston to h3 out as helps. The two Garolinas and Varginia are covered with pla(S that have been given up as ruined, and many other Slates. \3 hav'n't the surplus of wheat and grain we used to have in the U-w\\\ States, and it never will be so plenty again. That's the reason jJ hear of folks clearin land, makin a farm, and sellin off again al ! goin farther into the bush. They've exhausted it, and find it easr to clear new lands than to restore the old. NICK BUAllSllAVV. 155 A groal deal ef Nova Scotia is run out, and if it^va^n't for the lime, arsh-imul, soa-wi'od, salt-sand, and what not, they've got licrc in ich quantities, there'd bo no cure for it. It takes good farniin to 'c\) an u[)land location in order, I tell you, and make it sustain it- It. It takes more too to fetch a farm that's had the gizzard taken it of it, than it's worth. It actilly frightens me, when I think your niculture in Britain is progressin, and the land better tilled every ^'- uy, while thousands upon thousands of acres with us, are turned ^ *ito barrens. No traveller as I've seed has noticed this, and our folks "'' Ire not aware of it themselves to the extent of the evil. Squire, you -I" lid I woti't live to see it; but if this awful robbin" of posterity goes '" In for another century as it has progressed for the last hundred years, '"* le'll be a nation of paupers. Very little land in America, even of '"' jje best, will carry more than one crop of wheat arter it's clear'd '* i'ore it wants manure ; and where it's clear'd so fast, where's the ?• Iianure to come from? — it puzzles me (and I won't turn my back on '^^ liy man in the farmin line) — the Lord knows, for I don't; but if S"! Iiere's a thing that scares me, it's this. 'i" i Hullo ! hullo 1 — said a voice behind us, and when we turned to look *lli lorn whence it came, we saw Nicholas running and leaping over the noes of his neighbours like a greyhound. Stop a minit, said he, I 8i iant to speak to you. I feel quite encouraged since I seen you; s« here's one question I forgot to ask you, Mr. Slick, for I should like iM jnazin'ly to have your opinion. Who do you go for? I go for the ii fjuire, said he ; I'm a agoin for to go round the sea-coast with him. tf« idon't mean that at all, said he; — who do you go for in the election? 'n (here's to be a poll a Monday to Kentville ; and Aylesford and Gas- in jjraux are up; who do you go for? I don't go for either ofem ; I 'ouldn't give a chaw of lobakey for both on'em : what is it to lin (e who goes? Well, I don't suppose it is, but it's a great » latter to us ; who would you advise me to vote for? Who is 1' ijoin for to do the most good for you? Aylesford. Who promises i' lie most? Aylesford. A^ote for t'other one then, for I never seeder rj Uerd tell of a feilar yet, that was very ready with promises, that II jarn't quite as ready to break them when it suited his purpose; and ! Aylesford comes abotherin of you, call out little Nick with his dk pock-shy,' and lot him take a shot at him. Any critter that finds 1(1 jit all the world are rogues, and tells of the great things he's agoin i|l jr to do, ginerally overlooks the biggest rogue of all, and that's him-; 'If. Oh! Gasperaux for ever! he's the man for your money, and » mistake. Well, said Nicholas, I believe you're half right. Ayles- ,^1 (orth did promise a shillin a bushel bounty on potatoes tho', but I ii; i;lievehe lied afterali. I'll take your advice, — I feel quite encouraged, i inc. If you'd like a coal to light your cigar by, said he, I'll step in :>re and gel you one. Thank you, said Mr. Slick; I have no occa- 156 THE CLOCRMAKER. sion for one gist now. Well, I believe I'll drop in and light a pi there myself then, anyhow. Good-bye — I feel quite encouraged no, Oh dear! said the Clockmaker, what a good-natered, good-fo nothin simple toad that is. I suppose when the sheriff takes t; vote of such critters, he flatters himself he takes the sense oft! county. What a difference atween him and Horton! The one i^ lazy, idle critter, wanderin about talkin politics, or snaring rabbi;, catchin eels, or shootin hawks, and neglectin his work, and a prel' kettle of fish he's made of it. The other, a careful, sleadygoi, industrious man, that leaves politics to them as like dabblin i troubled waters, and attends steadily to his business, andhe'sa cre<; to his country. Yes, too much land is the ruin of us all this side o' the wat( Afore I went to England I used to think that the onequal divisio; of property there, and the system of landlord and tenant, was a cui- to the country, and that there was more dignity and freedom to t individual, and more benefit to the nation, for every man to own t; land he cultivated, as with us. But I've changed my mind ; I see i; the cause of the high state of cultivation in England, and the pr<- perity of its agriculture. If the great men had the land in their on hands there, every now and then an improvident one would skin tj soil, and run it out ; bein let to others he can't do it himself, and 3 takes plaguy good care by his lease his tenant shan't do it neithf. Well then, there he is, with his capital to make great impro\- ments, substantial repairs, and so on, and things are pushed up) perfection . In Nova Scotia there are hundreds and thousands that would 8 better off as tenants, if they would but only think so. When a cl) spends all his money in buying lands, and mortgages them to g the rest of the price, he ain't able to stock his, farm, and workt properly; and he labours like a nigger all his life, and dies poort last, while the land gets run out in his hands, and is no good for cr after. Now if he was to hire the farm, the money that he paid r the purchase would stock it complete, enable him to hire labor,-o wait for markets, — to buy up cattle cheap, and to sell them to c- vantage. He'd make money hand over hand, while he'd throw 'e cost of all repairs and improvements on the owner. But you might tk till you were grey-headed, and you wouldn't persuade folks of, tit in this country. The glorious privilege of having a vote, togiveio some goney of a member, carries the day. Well may they call a dear privilege that, for it keeps them poor to their dyin day. 1), esquire, your system of ladlordland tenant is the best for the farm:, and the best for the nation. There never can be a high state of !- neral cultivation without it. Agriculture wants the labour of e farmer and the money of the capitalist, —both must go hand in hailt li TRAVELLING IN AMEUICA. 157 lien it is Iclt to llie farmer alone, it must dwindle for want of ans, — and Ihc country must dwindle too. A nation, even if it is as lo;, ig as ourLjreatone, if it has no general system of landlord and tenant i{j .lopted in it, must run out. We are ondergoin that jirocess now. iej m most plaguy afeerd we shall run out; that's a fact. A country on i,hut a large estate at hest ; — and if it is badly tilid and hard cropped, [^ ^must, in the eend, present the melancholy spectacle of a great ,j thaustcd farm. IXxaXs quite cncourac/m now, as Nick Bradshaw iji, ,ys,— ain't it? CHAPTER XXXVIII. j TRAVELLING IN AMERICA. jDiD you ever drink any Thames water, squire? said the Clock- ;aker; because it is one of the greatest nateral curiosities in the Drld. >yhen I returned from Poland, in the hair spekelation, I .' iiled from London, and we had Thames water on board. Says , ;to the captain, says I, I guess you want to pyson us, don't you, , ^ith that are nasty, dirty, horrid stuff? how can you think o' takin ' , )ch water as that? Why, says he, Mr. Slick, it does make the !St water in the warld — that's a fact; yes, and the best porter too; ; .-it farments, works off the scum, clarifies itself, and beats all na- ir' ; — and yet look at all them are sewers, and drains, and dye , iuffs, and factory-w ash, and onmentionables that are poured into it ; ••-it beats the bugs, don't it? Well, squire, our great country is like >at are Thames water, — it does receive the outporins of the world, vhomicides and regicides, — jail birds and galley-birds, — poorhouse ♦laps and workhouse chaps, — rebels, infidels, and forgers, — rogues ', i all sorts, sizes, and degrees, — but it farments, you see, and works , <3ar; and what a' most a beautiful clear stream o' democracy it does ■^ ake,— don't it? Not hot enough for fog, nor cold enough for ice, nor ' ^nex enough to fur up the bylers, nor too hard to wash clean, nor raw ' jiough to chop the skin, — but gist the thing ; that's a fact. I wish to .'acious you'd come and see for yourself. I'd go with you and cost you - pthin. I'd take a prospectus of a new work and get subscribers; ' ,ke a pattern book of the Lowell factories for orders ; and spikilate a '', j.tle by the way, so as to clear my shot wherever we went. , I You must see for yourself, — you can't larn nothin from books. • \sQ read all the travels in America, and there ain't one that's . jorth a cent. They don't understand us. They remind me of a *, {wyer examinin of a witness; he don't want cither the truth, the '. ihole truth, or nothin but the truth, but he wants to pick out of him 158 THE CLOCKMAKER. gist SO much as will prove his case, d'ye see, and would like him 1 keep dark about the rest; puts artful questions to him on purpos to get an answer to suit him ; stops him when he talks too fast, lea( him when he goes too slow, praises his own witnesses sky high, an abuses the other side for lyin, equivocatin, parjured villains. That gist the case with English travellers; instead of lookin all roun and seein into things first, and then comin to an opinion, the make up their minds afore they come, and then look for facts \ support their views. First comes a great high tory, and a republi smells so bad in his nostrils, he's got his nose curl'd up like a pug nose dog all thro' his journey. He sees no established church, an swears there's no religion ; and he sees no livery helps, and he sat] it's all vulgar; and if he sees a citizen spit, he jumps a one side ; scared as if it were a rifle agoin ofl. Then comes a radical (ar them English radicals are canlankerous-lookin critters — that's fact), — as sour as vinegar, and lookin as cross and as hungry as bear gist starved out in the spring, and the?/ say we have the slavei of opinion here; that our preachers want moral courage, and th our great cities are cursed with the aristocracy of weallh. There no pleasin either on 'em. Then come what minister used to Cc the Optimists, a set of folks who talk you deef about the perfectibili' of human natur' ; that men, like caterpillars, will all turn into bea' tiful critters with wings like butterflies, — a sort of grub angels;- that our great nation is a paradise, and our folks gist agettin' out the chrysolis state into somethin divine. I seldom or never talk to none o'* them, unless it be to bam 'ei They think they know everything, and all they got to do is, to i Hudson like a shot, into the lakes full split, ofl' to Mississippi an down to New Orlecns full chisel, back to New York and up Killoc and home in a liner, and write a book. They have a whole stocks notes. Spittin — gougin, — lynchin, — burnin alive, — steam boji blowed up, — snags, — slavery, — stealin, — Texas, — state prisons,- men talk slow, — women talk loud, — both walk fast, — chat in steal- boats and stage coaches, — anecdotes, — and so on. Then out comi a book. If it's a tory writes it, then the tory papers say it's t) best pictur' they have seen ; — lively, interestin, intelligent. Ill radical, then radical papers says it's a very philosophical work (wh(- ever a feller gets over his head in it, and cruel unintelligible, hs deep in philosophy, that chap), statesmanlike view, able woi, throws great light on the politics of the day. I wouldn't give a chv of tobackey for the books of all of 'em tied up and put into a meal-lg together. Our folks sarve 'em as the Endgians used to sarve the gulls don' to Squantum in old pilgrim times. The cunnin critters used to m;e a sort o' fish flakes, and catch herrin and torn cods, and such sori)' f TRAVELLING IN AMERICA. 159 h, and piil 'cm on tlic flakos, and then crawl ondcM* thomselves, and soon as the pulls hiihtcd to eat the lisli, catch hokl o' their legs .;i(l pull 'em thro'. Arter that, Avhenever a Teller was made a fool • and took in, they used to say he was pulled. Well, if our folks n't gull them British travellers, its a pity. They do make proper lis on *em ; that's a fact. I Near afore last, 1 met an English gall atravellin in a steam-boat; ■ had a French name that I can't recollect, tho' I got it on the 1 o' my tongue too; you know who 1 mean — she wrote books on HMiomy, — not domestic economy, as galls ought, but on political ' iiiomy, as galls oughtn't for they don't know nothin about it. She <\ a trumpet in her hand, — thinks I, who on airlh is she agoin to il, or is she agoin to try echoes on the river? I watched her for me time, and I found it was an ear trumpet. Well, well, says I, that's onlike most English travellers any way, in a gineral way they wear magnifying glasses, and do enlarge figs so, a body don't know 'em ag'in when he sees 'em. Now, - gall won't hear one half that's said, and will get that half . irong, and so it turned out. Says she to me, Beautiful country this, i:' Ir. Slick; says she, I'm transported. Transported, said I, why, I'll ihat onder the sun did you do to home to get transported? — but she n Irfed right out like any thing; delighted. I mean, said she, it's so S ]p iose 'skeeters. Well, said I, my flrst tower in the clock trade was up Canada way, iJ I was the first ever went up Huron with clocks. When I nched our fort, at Gratiot, who did I find there as commander of e party, but the son of an old American hero, a sargeant at Bun- t's Hill. Well, bein the son of an old veteran hero myself, it ,, ,ade quite a fellowship atween us, like. He bought a clock o' me, 160 THE CLOCKMAKER. and invited me to stay with him till a vessel arrived for Michigai Well, in the afternoon, we went for to take tea with a gentlema that had settled near the fort, and things were sot out in an arbor, su rounded with honeysuckle, and Isabella grape, and what not; thei was a view of the fort from it, and that elegant lake and endle; forest; it was lovely — that's a fact; and the birds flocked round tl place, lighted on it, and sung so sweet, — I thought it was the mo romantic thing I ever seed since I was a created sinner. So said to his wife (a German lady from one of the emigrant ships), I prefe said I, your band of birds to the Bowery band of New York, by long chalk ; it's natur's music, it's most delightful, it's splendii Furder olf, said she, I like 'em more better hash nearer; for tl nasty, dirty tivils they dirt in the tay and de shuker ; look ther said she, that's dc tird cup now spilte. Lord, it make me sick! never had any romance in me arter that. Here the English gall turned round and looked at me for a spa quite hard. Said she, you are a humorous people, Mr. Slick; yi resemble the Irish very much, — you remind me greatly of that livel light-hearted, agreeable people. Thank you, said I, marm, for th compliment; we are ginerally thought to resemble each other ve much, both in looks and dress; there's often great mistakes ma^ when they tirst land from the likeness. Arter a considerable of a pause, she said, This must be a religio! country, said she, ain't it? for religion is the 'highest fact in man right, and the root of all democracy.' If religion is the root of d- mocracy, said I, it bears some strange fruit sometimes, as the mi said of the pine tree the five gamblers were lynched up to at Vixbui. I'm glad to see, said she, you have no establishment — it's an incut)' — a dead weight — a nightmare. I ain't able, said I ; I cant alTorcf; no how; and besides, said I, I can't get no one to have me. Thvith a touch of the noodle. You'd be better uilhout 'em ; their pa- ' rocliial visits do more harm than good. In that last remark, said I, 1 concur; for if there's a gall in their vicinity, with a good fortin, they'll snap her up at once; a feller has no chance with 'em. One (Ml them did brother Eldad out of one hundred thousand dollars (bat . way. 1 don't speak o' that, said she, rather short like; but they hav'n't moral courage. . They arc not bold shepherds, but timid *' ; sheep; they don't preach abolition, they don't meddle with public '" I rights. As to that, said I, they don't think it right to hasten on the crisis, to preach up a servile war, to encourage the blacks to cut Iheir masters' throats; they think it a dangerous subject anyway; and besides, said I, they have scruples o' conscience if they ought ^ i to stir in it at all. These matters are state rights, or state wrongs, '■ j if you please, and our Northern States have no more right to inter- '1* I fere in 'em than they have to interfere in the affairs of any other in- 'i*' i dependent soverign state in Europe. So I don't blame ministers *' ' much for that, arter all, — so come now. In England, says I, you maintain that they ought not to meddle with public rights, and call 'em political priests, and all that sort o' thing, and here you abuse *li| I 'em for not meddlin with 'em; call 'em cowards, dumb dogs, slaves H I to public opinion, and what not. There's no ploffsin some folks. ill j As to religion, says I, bein the 'root of democracy,' it's the root Ii8i j of monarchy too, and all governments, or ought to be; and there 'isk I ain't that wide difference arter all atween the two countries some iw I folks think on. Government here, both in theory and practice, re- ^ i sides with the people; and religion is under the care of the rael go- l ! vernment. With you, government is in the executive, and religion J"' i is in the hands of the government there. Church and state are to a If* ! sartain extent connected therefore in both. The difference with us 'i^ I is, we don't prefer one and establish it, and don't render its support fl* I compulsory. Better, perhaps, if we did, for it burns pretty near out itilJ ' sometimes here, and has to be brouglit to by revivals and camp-meet- is. J ins, and all sorts of excitements ; and when it does come to, it don't ml' I give a steady clear light for some time, but spits and sputters and iA I cracks like a candle that's got a drop o' water on the wick. It don't \^ ! seem kinder rational, neither, that screamin and screetchin, and lioopin and hollerin, like possest, and tuniblin into faintins, and lits, and swoons, and what not. 10 I Idont like preach'm to the narves instead of the judgment — I re- " ollect a lady once, tho', convarted by preachin to lier narves, that was an altered woman all the rest o' her days. How was that? said she: these stories illustrate the 'science of reliainn.' 1 like to hear II 162 THE CLOCKMAKER. them. There was a lady, said I (and I thought I'd give her a story lor her book), that tried to rule her husband a little tighter than was agreeable, — meddlin with things she didn't onderstand, and dictat- in in matters of politics and religion, and every thing a'most. So one day her husband had got up considerably airly in the mornin, and went out and got a tailor, and brought him into his wife's bed- room afore she was out o' bed : — ' Measure that woman,' said he, ' for a pair of breeches ; she's detarmined to wear 'em, and I'm re- solved folks shall know it,' and he shook the cow-skin over the tai- lor's head to show him he intended to be obeyed. It cured her, — she begged and prayed, and cried, and promised obedience to her husband. He spared her, but it effectuated a cure. Now that's what I call preacldn to the narves ; Lord, how she would have kicked and squeeled if the tailor had a . A very good story, said she, abowin and amovin a little, so as not to hear about the measurin, — a very good story indeed. If you was to revarse that maxim o' yourn, said I, and say demo- cracy is too often found at the root of religion, you'd be nearer the mark, I reckon. I knew a case once exactly in point. Do tell it to me, said she; it will illustrate ' the spirit of religion.' Yes, said I, and illustrate your book too, if you are awritin one, as most English travellers do. Our congregation, said I, at Slickville, containec most of the wealthy and respectable folk there, and a most powerfu' and united body it was. Well, there came a split once on the elec- tion of an Elder, and a body of the upper-crust folks separated anc went off in a huff. Like most folks that separate in temper, thej laid it all to conscience ; found out all at once they had been adrif afore all their lives, and joined another church as different from ourr in creed as chalk is from cheese ; and to shew their humility, hooke( on to the poorest congregation in the place. Well, the ministei was quite lifted up in the stirrups when he saw these folks giue him and to shew his zeal for them the next Sunday, he looked up at the gal lery to the niggers, and , said he, my brether'n, I beg you won't spit dowi anymore on the aisle seats, for there be gentlemen there now. Gis turn your heads, my sable friends, and let go over your shoulders Manners, my brothers, manners before backey. Well, the nigger seceded ; they said it was an infringement on their rights, on thei privilege of spittin, as freemen, where they liked, how they liked and when they liked, and they quit in a body. ' Democracy,' sail thev, ' is the root of religion.' Is that a fact? said she. No mistake, said I; I seed it myself I know 'em all. Well, it's a curious fact, said she, and very illus trative. D illustrates the universality of spittin, and the universa lily of democracy. It's characteristic. I have no fear of a peopl where the right of ^spittin is held sacred from the interminable as TRAVELLING IN AMERICA. 103 ■ • sauUs of i)riostcrart. She laid down her tiunipet, and took out iier ; pocket-book, and^^ecan to write it down. She swallar'd it all. I . ' have seen her book since, it's gist what I expected from her. The . ! chapter on religion strikes at the root of all religion; and llw^ elVect ' of such doctrines are exhibited in the gross slander sIk^ has written " ag'in her own sex in the States, from whom she received nothin but ' kindness and hospitality. I don't call that pretty at all; it's enough ' to drive hospitality out of the land. ■ I know what you allude to, said I, and fully concur with you in r ; opinion, that it is a gross abominable slander, adopted on insufficient authority, and the more abominable from coming from a woman, ' Our church may be aristocratic ; but if it is, it teaches good manners, I and a regard for the decencies of life. Had she listened more to the ' I regular clergy, and less to the modern illuminati, she might have learned a little of that charity which induces us to think well of others, and to speak ill of none. It certainly was a great outrage, and I am sorry that outrage was jjerpctrated by an English woman. 1 am proper glad you agree with me, squire, said he; but come and see for yourself, and I will explain matters to you ; for without some jone to let you into things you won't imderstand us. I'll take great '^. pleasure in bein your guide, for I unist say I like, your conversation. , — How singular this is ! to the natural reserve of mv country, I add an uncommon taciturnity ; but this peculiar adaptation to listening " has everywhere established for me that rare, but most desirable repu- 'tation, of being a good companion. It is evident, therefore, that |listeners are everywhere more scarce than talkers, and are valued ac- cordingly. Indeed, without them, what would become of the talkers? Yes, I like your conversation, said the clockmaker (who, the reader must have observed, has had all the talk to himself). We ""' [ire like the Chinese ; they have two languages, the written language ''"' ;ind the spoken language. Strangers only get as far as the spoken "^? one; but all secret alVairs of religion and government are sealed up '* n the written one; they can't make nothin of it. That's gist the •'*' 'asewith us ; we have two languages, one for strangers, and one for * Ourselves. ^ A stranger must know this, or he's all adrift. We've HI??' lot our own difficulties, our own doubts, our ow n troubles, as well as 'h"" ;)ther folks, — it would lie strange if we hadn't ; but we don't choose i^ 'o blart "em all out to the world. Jt ^ I Look at our President's Message last year ; he said, we was the most I prosperous nation on the face of the airth, peace and plenty spread- W n over the land, and more wealth than we know'd how to spend. y* 'Vt that very time we was on the point of national bankruptcy. He lii** 'laid, the great fire at New York didn't cause one failure ; good reason ip 'vhy, the goods were all owned at London and Lyons, and the fail- 'ires took place llicre, and not here. (Jur President said on that oc- 101 look V 164 THE CLOCKMAKER. casion, our maxim is, 'do no wrong, and suifer no insult.' Well) at that very time our gineral was marchin into ttie Mexican territory, and our people off South, boarded Texas, and took it, — and our folks down North-east were ready to do the same neighbourly act to Ca- nada, only waitin for Papineau to say, ' All ready.' He boasted we had no national debt, but a large surplus revenue in the public chist, and yet, add up the public debt of each separate state, and see what a whappin large one that makes. We don't intertain stran- gers, as the English do, with the troubles of our household and the bother our sarvants give us; we think it ain't hospitable, nor polished, nor even good manners ; we keep that for the written language among ourselves. If you don't believe my word, go and ask the Britisher that was at Mr. Madison's court when the last war broke out — he was the only man to Washington that know'd nothing about it — he didn't understand the language. I guess you may go and pack up your duds and go home, said Mr. Madison to him one day, when he called there to the levee. Go home ! said he, and he wrinkled up his forehead, and drew up his eyelids, as much as to say, I esti- mate you are mad, ain't you? Go home! said he. What for? Why, said he, I reckon we are at war. At war 1 said the Englishman why, you don't say so? there can't be a word of truth in the report my dispatches say nothin of it. Perhaps not, said the President quite cool (only a slight twitch of his mouth showed how he woulc like to haw, haw, right out, only it warn't decent), perhaps not, bu I presume I declared war yesterday, when you was engaged a playii of a game at chess with Mrs. Madison. Folks said they raelly pitiei him, he looked so taken aback, so streaked, so completely dumb- founded. No, when I say you can't make tis out, you always laugh but it's true you can't without an interpreter. IFe speak the Em/lis, language and the American language ; you must lam the America, language, if you want to understand the American people. CHAPTER XXXIX. ELECTIVE COINGILS. What would be the effect, Mr. Slick, said I, of elective councils! this country, if government would consent to make the experimeni Why, that's a thing, said he, you can't do in your form o' goverr ment, tryin an experiment, tho' we can ; you can't give the word command, if it turns out a bunglin piece of business, that they u in militia trainin, — ' as you were.' It's different with us — we ca — our government is a democracy, — all power is in the people ; ELECTIVE COUNCILS. 165 large; we can go on, and change from one thing to anotlier, and try any experinuMit we choosi', as ofkMi as we hke, for all chanqcs ham fhr like rcsffff, o/huir'ni the jwnrr in the same place and the same hands. But you must know beforehand how it will work in your mixed government, and shouldn't make no change you ain't sure about. What good would an elective council be? It is thought it would give the upper branches, said I, more community of feel- ing, more sympathy, and more weight with the country at large; I that being elected by the people, the people would have more ^ • confidence in them, and that more elTiciont and more suitable men ^ ' would be chosen by the freeholders than by the crown. You would '''' 'gist get the identical same sort o' critters, said ho, in the eend, as '"* i the members of Assembly, if they were elected, and no better; they '* ! would be selected by the same judges of horseflesh as t'other, and "* ' chose out o' the same flock. It would be the same breed o' cattle at '* i last. But, said I, you forget that it is proposed to raise the qualifi- '"'' I cations of the voters from forty shillings to forty pounds per year; '* • whereby you would have a better class of electors, and insure abetter ^ I selection. Gist you try it, said he, and there never would be an eend "" I to the popular motions in the House of Assembly to extend the suf- 'P" ' frages — for every thing that gives porver to numbers will carry * numbers, and be popular, and every feller who lived on excitement, ''^ I would be for everlastinly a agitatin of it. Candidate, Slangwhanger, M ' and Member. You'd have no peace, you'd be for ever on the move p. I as our citizens are to New York, and they move into a new house every P*' I first o' May-day. If there be any good in tliat are Council at all, it ill! is in their bein placed above popular excitement, and subject to no in- si? ■ fluence but that of reason, and the fitness of things : chaps that have a '«!• ' considerable stake in the country, and don't buy their seats by pledges fl» i and promises, pledges that half the time ruin the country if they are kept, and always ruin the man that breaks 'em. It's better as it is, in the hands of thegovernment. It's a safety valve now, to let oH the fume, and steam, and vapour, generated by the lieat of the lower House. If you make that branch elective you put government right ■ into the gap, and all difference of opinion, instead of bein between ■ the tn'o branches as it is now (that is, in fact, between the people themselves) , would then occur in all cases between the people and the \governor. Afore long that would either seal up the voice of the executive, so that they darn't call their souls tiieir own, or make 'em onpopular, and whenever the executive once fairly gets into that are pickle, there's an eend of the colony, and a declaration of inde- pendence would soon foller. Papinor knows that, and that' the rea- I son he's so hot for it, — he knows what il would lead to in the eend. That critter may want ginger, for ought I know ; but he don't want for gumption yoti may depend. Elective councils arc inconsistCJit 166 THE CLOCKMAKER. with colonial dependcmce. It's takin away the crane that holds up the pot from the fire, to keep it from boihn over, and clappin it right on the hot coals: what a gallopin boil it would soon come into, wouldn't it? In all mixed governments like yourn, the true rule is never to interfere with popl'ar rights established. Amend what is wrong, concede what is right, and do what is just always; but ^>r^- sarve tlie balance of the constitution for your life. One pound weight only taken off the executive, and put on t'other eend, is like a shift of the weight on a well-balanced plank till it won't play true no more, but keeps aslidin and aslidin down by leetle and leetle to the heviest eend, till it all stays down to one side, and won't work no longer. It's a system of checks now, but w hen all the checks run together, and make only one weight, they'll do as our senate did once (for that ain't no check no more)— it actilly passed that cussed em- bargo law of Jefferson's that ruined our trade, rotted our shippin', and bankrupted the whole nation, arter it come up from the House of Representatives thro' all its three readins in four hours ; I hope I may be skinned if it didn't. It did, I snore. That's the beauty of havin two bodies to look at things thro' only one spyglass, and blow hubbies thro' one pipe. There's no appeal, no redress, in that case, and what's more, when one party gives riders to both horses, they ride over you like wink, and tread you right under foot, as arbitrary as old Scratch himself. There's 710 tyranny on airth equal to the tyranny of a majority ; you can't form no notion of it unless you seed it. Just see how they sarved them chaps to Baltimore last war. Ge- neral Lingan and thirty other fellers that had the impudence to say they didnt approve of the doin's of the administration; they gist lynched 'em and stoned 'em to death like dogs. We find among us the greatest democrats are tlie greatest tyrants. No, squire ; repair, amend, enlarge, ventilate, modernize a little too, if you Hke, your structure; put new roof, new porch, winders, and doors, fresh paint and shingle ,it, make it more attractive and plea- santer to inhabit, and of course it will be more valuable ; — but do you leave the foundation alone — don't you meddle with the frame, the braces, and girts for your life, or it will spread, bilge out, leak like the divil, and come to pieces some 0' these stormy nights aboul your ears as sure as you are born. Make no organic changes. There are quacks in politics, squire, as well as in med'cine, — critterf who have uncvarsal pills to cure all sorts ©'^diseases ; andmany'sthf constitution, human and politic, they've fixt atween bhem. There's no knowin the gripes and pains and cholicks they've caused ; anc the worst of it is, the poor devils that get in their hands, when thej are on the broad of their backs, can't help themselves, but turn uj the whites of their eyes, and say. Oh dear ! I'm very bad : how will it go? fio, says they; why, like a house afire — full [split, — goir liLECTIVIC COUNCIl.S. 167 ; on graiully, — coiild'nt do no bcftor, — gist what was expected. You II j hai'T a jK'ir ronnlitution, slroni: as a lion : oh ! goin on grandly. I Well, I don't know, says tlie misfortunatiM rittor ; but 1 feels a ' plaguy sight more like goin ^j/f' than goin on, I tell ijou. Then comes ipickin o' the bed-clothes, a clammy sweat, cold feet, the hiccup> «atHes, and death. Sarve him right, says qnack ; the cussed fool lias had doctors too long about him in former days, and liiey sapped his constitution, and fixt his (lint for him : why didn't he call me in ii sooner? The consaited ass thought he knowed everything, and ididn't foller out all my prescriptions; — one comfort, though — his i estate shall pay for it, I vow. Yes, squire, and that is the pity, win 'or lose, live or die, the estate does pay for it — that's a fact; and i; what's worser, too, many on 'em care more about dividin the spoil ithan eflectin the cure, by a long chalk. P There's always some jugglery or quackery agoin on every- '<* i where a'most. It puts me in mind of the Wilmot springs. — One f fof the greatest flams I ever heerd tell of in this province, was 't!' brought out hereabouts in Wilmot, and succeeded for a space * 'beyond all calculation. Our sea sarpantwas no touch to it, — and ^ that was a grand steam-boat spekilation too, for a nation sight "• !of folks went from' Boston down to Providence and back ag'in, on ''"' 'purpose to see the sarpant in the boat that first spoke it out to sea- *" 'But then they were all pleasurin parties, young folks takin a trip by I* 'water, instead of a quiltin frolic to shore. It gave the galls some- !<* rthing to talk about and to do, to strain their little eyes through the m (Captain's great big spy-glass to see their nateral enemy, the sarpant ; [a land you may depend they had all the cur'osity of old Marm Eve too. It was all young hearts and young eyes, and pretty ones they dfi iwere, I tell you. But this here Wilmot wonder was a sort of funeral !li laflair, an old and ugly assortment, a kind of Irish wake, part dead ,11 land part alive, where one half groaned with sorrow and pain, and pl» t'other half groaned to keep 'em company, — a rael, right down, ge- nii wuine hysteric frolic, near about as much cryin as laughin — it beat ffl 'all natur. I believe they actilly did good in sartain cases, in proper i» doses with proper diet; and at some future day, in more knowin ta 'hands, they will come into vogue ag'in, and make a good spekilation f Ibut I have always obsarved when an article is once run down, and W !folks find out that it has got more puflin than it desarves, they don't ill igive it no credit at all, and it is a long time afore it comes rounti fit ag'in. The Wilmot springs are situated on the right there, away i lup onder that mountain a-head on us. They sartainly did make a llf iwonderful great noise three years ago. If the pool of Saloom had If I been there, it couldn't a' had a greater crowd o' clowns about it. jf iThe lame and maimed, the consumptive and dropsical, the cancer- !* lous and leprous, the old drunkard and the young rake, the barren 16S . THE CLOCKMAKER. ■wife and sick maid, the larfin catholic and sour sectary, high and low, rich and poor, black and white, fools of all ages, sizes, and de- grees, were assembled there adrinkin, bathin, and awashin in the waters, and carryin off the mud for poultices and plaisters. It killed some, and cured some, and fool'd a nation sight of folks. Down at the mouth of the spring, where it discharges into a stream, there is a soft bottom, and there you'd see a feller standin with one leg stuck in the mud; another lyin on a plank, with an arm shoved into the ooze up to the shoulder; a third asittin down, with a mask o' mould like a gypsum cast on his head ; others with naked feet spotted all over with the clay to cure corns ; and these grouped agin here with an unfortinate feller with a stiff arm, who could only thrust in his elbow ; and there with another sittin on a chair adanglin his feet in the mire to cure the rheumatis; while a third, sunk up to his ribs, had a man apourin water on his head for an eruption, as a gard'nei wafers a transplanted cabbage-plant, all declarin they felt better, and wonderin it had'nt been found out afore. It was horrid, I tell you, to see folks makin such fools of themselves. If that are spring had belonged to an American citizen, that had made such an everlastin touss about it, folks would have said the^ calkelated it was a Yankee trick; as it was, they set each other on and every critter that came home from it sent a dozen neighbour, off, — so none on 'em could larf at each other. The road was actill; covered with people. I saw one old goney, seventy years of age stuck in a gig atween two mattrasses, like a carcase of mutton atweei two bales of wool in a countryman's cart. The old fool was agoii to be made young, and to be married when he returned to home Folks believed everything they heerd of it. They actilly swallered story that a British ofTicer that had a cork leg bathed there, and th flesh growed on it, so that no soul could tell the difference atween and the nateral one. They believed the age of miracles had come so a feller took a dead pig and throw'd it in, sayin who know'd as cured the half dead, that it wouldn't go the whole hog. That joli lixt the Wilmot springs: it turned the larf against 'em; and it wf lucky it did, for they were findin springs gist like 'em everywher Every pool the pigs had ryled was tasted, and if it was too bad for tl stomach, it was pronounced medicinal. The nearest doctor wro an account of it for the newspapers, and said it had sulphur and sal petre in it, and that the mud when dried would make good powde quite good enough to blow gypsum and shoot us Yankees. At la they exploded spontaneous, the sulphur, saltpetre, and burnt bra went off themselves, and nothin has ever been since heerd of tl^ Wilmot springs. It's pretty much the case in politics ; folks have always some bubt' or another, — some elective council, — private ballot, — short parli- len I ELECTIVE COUNCILS. 160 H^ ncnts, — or some pill or another to euro all politieal evils in natur'; '"' i'ith quacks enough to cry cm up, and interested quacks also, who lake their ned out of 'em, afore people get tired of them and their ■ ills too. There \vas a time >vhen there was too many public otllcers II your council here, but they've died oil, or moved oil", and too many f 'em lived to Halifax, and too few of 'em in the country, and folks liought a new deal would give 'em more fair play. "NVell, they've it a new deal now, and new cards. So far so good. A change of ttfij ^nen is no great matter — natur' is a changin of 'em all the time if '- :overnment don't. lUit the constitution is another thing. You an't take out the vitals and put in new ones, as you can in a watch- (^, j;ase, with any great chance of success, as ever I heerd tell of. I've ij^ seen some most beautiful operations performed, too, by brother Eldad, 1^^ jivhere the patients lived thro' 'em, — and he got a plaguy sight of ]j^' 'credit for 'em, — but they all died a few days afterwards. Why, [J |Dad, says I, what in natur' is the good o' them are operations, and uittin the poor critters to all that pain and misery, and their es- jIj ate to so much expense, if it don't do 'em no good? — for it seems jj fo me they all do go for it ; that's sartain. Well, it was a dreadful pretty operation tho', Sam, warn't it? he'd ;>ay ; but the critter was desperate sick and peeowerfnily weak; I jjj jraely was e'en a'most afeerd I shouldn't carry him thro' it. But (What's the use on it at last, when it kills 'em ? said I ; for you see jthey do slip thro' your fingers in the eend. A feller, says he, Sam, Ithat's considerable slippery all his life, may be a little slippery jtowards the eend on't, and there is no help for it, as I see ; — but, jSara, said he, with a jupc o' the head, and a wink quite knowin, you I jain't up to snulTyet, I see. li doiit J^UVem [ftheij don t die under \tJie knife ; if ifou can carry 'em thro the operation, and theij die next \day, they ahvays die of sun'thm else, and the doctor is a made man , .for ever and a day arterwards too. Do you apprehend now, my boy? , jYes, says I, I ajiprcliend there are tricks in other trades, as well as ' the clock trade ; onlv some on 'em ain't quite so innocent, and there's [some I wouldn't like to play, 1 know. No, said he, I supi)0se not; land then, haw-hawin right out — how soft we are, Sam, ain't we? Isaid he. j Yes, presarvf, the principle of the mechanism of your constitii- jtion, for it ain't a bad one, and presarve the balances, and the rest |you can improve on without endangerin the whole engin. One thing too is sartain, — a poyver imj^riidcntly r/lcen to the executive, or to the people. Is seldom or never r/ot hack. I ain't been to England since your Reform Bill passed, but some folks do say it works complete, , ithat it goes as easy as a loaded waggon down hill, full chisel. Now .suppose that bill was found to be alterin of the balances, so that the constitution couldn't work many Noars longer, without acomin to a t ! 170 THE CLOCKMAKER. dead stand, could you repeal it? and say as ' you were?' Let. bird outo' your hand and try to catch it agin, will you ? JVo, squire saidtlie Clockmaker, youhave laws aregilatin of quack doctors, bu none aregilal'in of quack politicians : now a quack doctor is bot etwugh, and dangerous enough, gracious knows, hut a quack jwliti cian is a devil outkwjed, — that's a fact. CHAPTER XL. SLxVVERY. The road from Kentville to Wilmot passes over an extensive an dreary sand plain equally fatiguing toman and horse, and after thre hours' hard dragging on this heavy road, we look'd out ansiousl for an inn to rest and refresh our gallant 'Clay.' There it is, said Mr. Slick; you'll know it by that high post, o. which they have jibitted one of their governors ahorseback as asigr The first night I stopt there, I vow I couldn't sleep a wink for th crcakin of it, as it swung backwards and forwards in the wind. 1 sounded so nateral like, that I couldn't help thinkin it was a ra( man hung in chains there. It put me in mind of the slave to Ghai leston, that was strung up for pysonin his master and mistresi When we drove up to the door, a black man came out of the stable and tookthe horse by the head in a listless and reluctant manner, bi his attention was shortly awakened by the animal, whom he see began to examine attentively. Him don't look like blue nose, sai blacky, — sartin him stranger. Fine critter, dat, by gosh, — no mis take. From the horse his eye wandered to us; when, slowly quittir his hold of the bridle, and stretching out his head, and stepping an xiously and cautiously round to where the Clockmaker was standing he suddenly pulled olThis hat, and throwing it up in the air, uttere oneof the most piercing yells I think lever heard, and throwing hin self upon the ground, seized Mr. Slick round the legs with his arm: Oh, Massa Sammy 1 Massa Sammy ! Oh, my Gor ! — only think ol Scippy see you once more? How you do, Massa Sammy? Gc Ormighty bless youl How you do? Why, who on airth are you said the Clockmaker; what onder the sun do you mean by actin f like a ravin distracted fool ? Get up this minnit, and let me see wh you be, or I'll give you a slockdologer in the ear with my foot, as su as you are born. Who be you, you nigger you? Oh Massa Sai you no recollectOld Scip, — Massa 'Siah's nigger boy? How's Mas. Sy, and Missey Sy, and all our children, and all our folks toourhou! II SLAVERY. ni hotno? Do doar little lily. «lo sweet little booty, de little missy liy. Oil, how I do lub em all ! In this manner the creature ran on, incoherently asking questions. lihing, and blaming himself for having left so good a master, and comfortable a home. How is dat black villain, dat Cafo? he con- med ; — IMassa no hang him yet. He is sold, said Mr. Slick, and IS gone to New (^rbvwA% I guess. Oh, I grad, upon my soul, I Ty grad; then he catch it, de dam black nigger — it sarve him i;ht. I hope dey cowskin him well — I grad of dat, — oh Gor ! dat i good. I think I see him, da ugly brute. I hope dey lay it into him "11, damn him! I guess you'd better onharness Old Clay, and (tt leave him standin all day in the sun, said Mr. Slick. goody ^acy, yes, said the overjoyed negro, dat I will, and rub him down '"' h till him all dry as bone, — debil a wet hair left. Oh, only think, "* lassa Sammy Slick, — Massa Sammy Slick, — Scip see you again! "* IXhe Clockmaker accompanied him to the stable, and there grati- lid the curiosity of the atTectionate creature by answering all his in- ^ diries after his masters family, and the state of the plantation and '* ie slaves. It appears that he had been inveigled away by the mate (' a Boston vessel that was loading at his master's estate; and nof- '" ^thstanding all the sweets attending a state of liberty, was unhappy "' i^ider the influence of a cold climate, hard labour, and the absence '^ (* all that real sympathy, which, notwithstanding the rod of the ^ raster, exists nowhere but where there is a community of interests. *'* le entreated Mr. Slick to take him into his employment, and vowed ^'' djrnal fidelity to him and his family if he would receive him as a *' ^rvant, and i)rocure his manumission from his master. 'i' 'This arrangement having been etTected to the satisfaction of both " j'rties, we proceeded on our journey, leaving the poor negro happy i the assurance that he would be sent to Slickville in the autumn. "'' }feel provoked with that black rascal, said Mr. Slick, for bein such ':' ?born fool as to run away from so good a master as Josiah, for he is f' f kind-hearted a critter as ever lived, — that's a fact, — and a plaguy * «,'sy man to his niggers. I used to tell him, I guessed he was the •' ('ly slave on his plantation, for he had to see arter everythin ; he ^ ?id a dreadful sight more to do than they had. It was all work and it t play with him. You forget, said I, that his labour was voluntary * .''d for his own benefit, while that of the negro is compulsory, and * joductive of no advantage to himself. What do you think of the ^ .^'Olition of slavery in the United States? said I : the interest of the * .'bject appears to have increased very much of late. Well, 1 don't i' 'low, said he, — what is your opinion? I ask, I replied, for inform- 5" .''on. It's a considerable of a snarl, that question, said he; I ^ I'n't know as I ever onravcled it altogether, and I ain't gist quite k' attain I can — it's not so easv as it looks. I recollect the English i72 THE CLOCKMAKER. gall I met atravellin in the steamboat, axed me that same question, What do you think of slavery, said she, sir? Slavery marm, said I, is only fit for mMte lovers- (and I made the old lady a scrape of th( leg), — only fit said I, for mhlte lovers and hiack niggers. What at idea, said she, for a free man in a land of freedom to utter ! Ho-w that dreadful political evil demoralizes a people! how it deadens oui feelins how it hardens the heart ! Have you no pity for the hlacTcs. said she; for you treat the subject with as much levity as if, to us( one of the elegant and fashionable phrases of this country, yoi thought it all 'in my eye.'' No, marm, said I, with a very grav face, I hav'n't no pity at all for 'em, not the least mite nor morse in the world. How dreadful, said she and she looked ready to ex- pire with sentiment. No feelin at all, said I, marm, for the blacks but a great deal of feelin for the whites, for instead of bein all in w eye, it's all in my nose, to have them nasty, horrid, flagrant critter agoin thro' the house like scent bottles with the stoppers out, apai fumin of it up, like skunks, — it's dreadful! Oh ! said I, it's enoug to kill the poor critters. Phew ! it makes me sick, it does. No; keeps my pity for the poor whites, for they have the worst of it by long chalk. The constant contemplation of this painful subject, said she, de stroys the vision, and its deformities are divested of their horrors b their occurring so often as to become familiar. That, I said, Misi is a just observation, and a profound and a 'cute one too — it isactill founded in natur.' I know a case in p'int, I said. What is it? sa she, for she seemed mighty fond of anecdotes (she wanted 'em f( her book, I guess, for travels without anecdotes is like a pudd; without i)lums — all dough). Why, said I, marm, father had; English cow, a pet cow too, and a beautiful critter she was, a brindl( short-horn; he gave the matter of eighty dollars for her; — she w begot by . Never mind her pedigree, said she. Well, says ■when the great eclipse was (you've heerd tell how it frighte cattle, hav'n't you?) brindle stared and stared at it so, s lost her eyesight, and she was as blind as a bat ever afterward I hope 1 may be shot if she warn't. Now, I guess, we thats^ more of slavery than you do, are like brindle; we have stared; it so long we can't see it as other folks do. You are a droll man, s;l she, very droll; but seriously, now, Mr. Slick, do you notthinktht? unfortunate fellow-critters, our sable brothers, if emancipated, ec- cated, and civilized, are capable of as much refinement and as hig^ degree of polish as thewhites? Well, said I, joking apart, miss,- there's no doubt on it. I've been considerable down South atrad among the whites, — and a kind-hearted, hospitable, liberal race) men they be, as ever 1 was among — generous, frank, manly fol . Well, I seed a good deal of the — niggers too: it couldn't be otherwi ■ SLAVERY. 173 must say your conclusion is a just one, — I could give you several stances; but there is one in pitickolar that settles the question; I I'd it niysoir with my own eyes to Charleston, South Car. Now, id she, that's what I like to hear; give me facts, said she, for I am ' ^isionary, Mr. Slick; I don't build up a theory, and then go ■iokin for facts to support it; hut gather facts candidly and im- irtially, and then coolly and logically draw the inferences. Now II me tills instance which you think conclusive, fornotliin interests ' English so much as what don't consarn us; our West Indgy iiancipation has worked so well, and improved ourislands so much, e are enchanted with the very word emancipation; it has a charm r English ears, beyond anything you can conceive. — 77/f'/// L^/foids ill hare ^nmtancous prudiictiou afore lam/. But the relineujent id polish of these intcrestin critters the blacks, — your story if you ease, sir. I have a younger brother, mis'!, said I, that lives down to Charles- iti ; — he's a lawyer by trade — Squire Josiah Slick ; he is a consider- le of a literary character. He's wej^l known in the great world 5 the author of the Historical, Statistical, and Topographical account I Cuttyhunck, in five volumes ; a work that has raised the reputation I American genius among foreign nations amazin, I assure you. (e's quite a self-taught author too. I'll give you a letter of introduc- on to him. Me! said she, adrawin up her neck like a swan. You eedn't look so scared, said I, marm, for he is a married man, and as one white wife and four white children, fourteen black concu — -I wanted to hear, sir, said she, quite snappishly, of the negroes, nd not of your brother and his domestic arrangements. Well, larm, said I; one day there was a dinner-party to Josiah's, and he mde the same remark you did, and instanced the rich black mar- liant of Philadelphia, which position was contradicted by some other •ntleman there; so'Siah offered to bet one thousand dollars he could loduce ten black gentlemen, who should be allowed, by good judges, ) be more polished than any like number of whites that could be .elected in the town of Charleston. Well, the bet was taken, the loney staked, and a note made of the farms. Next day at ten o'clock, the time fixed, Josiah had his ten nig- (Ts nicely dressed, paraded out in the streets afacin of the sun, and rnught his friends and the umpires to decide the bet. Well, when hey got near 'em, they put their hands to their eyes and looked down the ground, and the tears ran down their cheeks like anything. iVhose cheeks? said she; blacks or whites? this is very interestin. i)h, the whites to be sure, said I. Then, said she, I will record that nark of feelin with great pleasure — I'll let the world know it. It Ices honour to their heads and hearts. But not to their eyes, tho', said I : they swore they couldn't see a bit. What the devil have you 174 THE CLOCKMAKER. got there, Slick? says they ; it has put our eyes out : daoin tlieni, how they shine ! they look like black japanned tea-trays in the sun — U'j blinding — it's the devil, that's a fact. Are you satisfied? said'Sy. Satis- fied of what? says they; satisfied with bein as blind as buzzards, ehl Satisfied of the high polish niggers are capable of, said Josiah : why shouldn't nigger hide, with lots of Day and Martin's blackin on it, take as good a polish as cow hide, eh ? Oh lord ! if you'd aheerd what a roai of larfter there was, for all Charleston', was there a' most; what a hurrain and shoutin : it was grand fun. I went up and shook hands with Josiah, for [ always liked a joke from a boy. Well done, 'Sy. says I; you've put the leake into 'em this hitch rael complete; it'j grand! But says he, don't look so pleased, Sam; they are cussec vexed, and if we crow III have to fight every one on 'em, that's sar- tain, for they are plaguy touchy them Southerners; fight for nothir a 'most. But, Sam, said he, Connecticut ain't a bad school for aboj arter all, is it? I could tell you fifty such stories miss, says I. Sh( drew up rather stately. Thank you, sir, said she, that will do; I att not sure whether it is a joke of your brother's, or a hoax of yourn,bui whosecver it is, it has more practical wit than feelin in it. The truth is, said theClockmaker, nothin raises my dander more than to hear English folks and our Eastern citizens atalkin about this subject that they don't onderstand, and have nothin to do with. I such critters will go down South ameddlin with things that don' Li consarn 'em, they desarve what they catch. I don't mean to say 1 \» approve of lynchin, because that's horrid ; but when a feller get; n himself kicked, or his nose pulled, and larns how the cowskin feels T don't pity him one morsel. Our folks won't bear tamperin with as you Colonists do ; we won't stand no nonsense. The subject is gist ; complete snarl ; it's all tangled, and twisted, and knotted so, oldNicl himself wouldn't onravel it. What with private rights, public rights and state rights, feelin, expediency, and public safety, it's a conside rable of a tough subject. The truth is, I ain't master of it myself I'm no book man, I never was to college, and my time has been most ly spent in the clocktrade and tooth business, and all I know is jus a little I've picked up by the way. The tooth business, I said ; wha is that? do you mean to say you are a dentist? No, said he, laughing the tooth business is pickin up experience. Whenever a feller is con siderable 'cute with us, we say he has cut his eye teeth, he's tolerabl sharp; and the study of this I call the tooth business. Now I ain' able to lay it all down what I think as plain as brother Josiah can but I have an idea there's a good deal in name, and that slavery is word that frightens more than it hurts. It's some o' the branches o grafts of slavery that want cuttin olT. Take away corporal punish ment from the masters and give it to the law, forbid separatin fa milios and the right to compel marriage and other connections, an SLAVERY. 173 A 1 leave slavery notliin more than sarvilude in name, and soine- t n (jiiitc as good in fact. Kvcry critler must work in this world, and a labourer is a slave; li the labourer only gets enough to live on from day to day, while I • slave is tended in infancy, sickness, and old age, and has spare ,tiie enough given him to aim a good deal too, A married woman, " It'ou come to that, is a slave, call her what you will, wife, woman, '^ k lel, termegant, or devil, she's a slave ; and if she happens to get '' lY upper hand, the husband is a slave, and if he don't lead a worse ii' than any black nigger, when he's under petticoat government, ' tl n my name is not Sam Slick. I'm no advocate of slavery, squire, n are any of our folks ; it's bad for the niggers, worse for the Misters, and a cuss to any country ; but we have got it, and the q*stion is, what are we to do with it? Let them answer that know. - don't pretend to be able to. The subject was a disagreeable one, but it was a striking pecu- ' liiity of the C.lockmaker's, that he never dwelt long upon anything "'■ ll't was not a subject of national boast ; he therefore very dexte- rtsly shifted both the subject and the scene of it to England, so as "^Ic'urnish himself with a retort, of which he was at all times excecd- ' Iifly fond. I have heerd tell, said he, that you British have 'man- ^ ciited your niggers. Yes, said I, thank God ! slavery exists not -iiihe British empire. Well, 1 take some credit to myself for that, ^sal the Clockmaker; it was me that sot that agoin any way. You ! iprfll, with the most unfeigned astonishment; — ?/ou / how could hy any possibility, bo instrumental in that great national act ? . ;1, I'll tell you, said he, tho' it's a considerable of a long story to When I returned from Poland, via London, in the hair "^l kelation of Jabish Green, I went down to ShetTield to execute a 11 iMiission ; 1 had to bribe some Master Workmen to go out to mAterica, and if I didn't fix 'em it's a pity. The critters wouldn't Ifoit no rate, without the most extravagant onreasonablo wages, Dih; no business could allbrd no how. Well, there was nothin to jbc^lonc but to agree to it; but things worked right in the long run : our ffo's soon larnt the business, and then they had to work for half kucain, or starve. It don't do to drive too hard a bargain always. f 'V^hen I was down there a gentleman called on me one arternoon, ori John Canter by name, and says he, Mr. Slick, I've called to Se-you, to make some enquiries about America ; me and my friends jthik of emigratin there. Uappy, says I, to give you any informa- ilic; in my power, sir, and a sociable dish o' chat is what I must say 4 o like most amazin, — it s kind o' nateral to me talkin is. So we siSO down and chatted away about our great nation all the arternoon i\ai evenin, and him and me got as tliick as two thieves afore we rpHed. — If you will be to home to-morrow evenin, says he, I will 17G THE CLOCKMAKER. call again, if you will give me leave. Sartain, says I, most happ^ Well, next evenin he came ag'in; and in the course of talk, says he I was born a quaker, Mr. SUck. Plenty of 'em with us, says I , and we to do in the world too, — considerable stiff folks in their way thei quakers — you can't no more move 'em than a church steeple. I Ml the quakers too, says I, for "there are worse folks than them agoin : the world by a long chalk. Well, lately I've dissented from 'em, sa^ he. — Curious that too, says I. I was athinkin'the beaver didn't shac the inner man quite as much as I have seed it; but, says I, I lil dissent ; it shows a man has both a mind and a conscience too ; if 1 hadn't a mind he couldn't dissent, and if he had'nt a conscience! wouldn't; a man therefore, who quits his church, always stands notch higher with me than a stupid obstinate critter that sticks to 'cause he was born and brought up in it, and his father belonged to it there's no sense in that. A quaker is a very setman in his way ; a di- senter therefore from a quaker must be what I call a considerable oi obstinate man, says he, larfin. No, says I, not gist exactly thi, but he must carry a pretty tolerable stiff upper lip, tho' — that's a fa, Well, says he, Mr. Slick, this country is an aristocratic count a very aristocratic country indeed, and it tante easy for a man topui himself when he has no great friends or family interest ; and 1- sides, if a man has some little talent — says he, (and he squeezl his chin between his forefinger and thumb, as much as to sa, tho' I say it that shouldn't say it, I have a very tolerable share o t at any rate,) he has no opportunity of risin by bringin himself afie the public. Every avenue is filled. A man has no chance to coe forward, — money won't doit, for that I have, — talent won't doit, r the opportunity is wantin. I believe I'll go to the States where all nn are equal, and one has neither the trouble of risin nor the vexatio 3f failin. Then you'd like to come forward in public life here, wo d , you, said I, if you had a chance ? I would, says he; that's the trui. Give me your hand then, says I, my friend, I 've got an idea lat it will make your fortin. I'll put you. in a track that will mak a man of you first, and a nobleman afterwards, as sure as thou sfs thee. Walk into the iiiggers^ says /, ayicl they'll help you to nlh into the whites, and they'll niahe you walk into parliament . Wlk into the niggers ! said he; and he sot and stared liked a cat awatdn of a mouse-hole ; — walk into the niggers! — what's that? I dV' onderstand you. — Take up 'mancipation, says I, and work it upt it works you up ; call meetins and make speeches to 'em, get up sociies and make reports to 'em ; — get up petitions to Parliament andret signers to 'em. Enlist the women on your side, of all ages, sects, ande- nominations. Excite 'em first tho' , for women folks are poor tools til ou get 'em up ; but excite them, and they'll go the whole figur', — wal up the whole country. It's a grand subject for it, — broken-hearted s ves^ wir vSLAVEKY. 177 villin themselves in despair or dyin a lingCrin death, — task-mas- Iit's whip acuttin into their (lesh, — hiirnin suns, — days o' toil — lights o' grief — pestilential rice-grounds — chains — starvation — mi- cry and death, — grand figur's them for ora/r//, and make splendid peeches, if well put together. Says you, such is the spirit of British freedom, that the moment a -lave touches our sea-girt shores, his spirit bursts its bonds ; he stands I uiancipatod, disenthralled, and liberated ; his chains fall right olV, \ and he walks in all the naked majesty of a great big black he nigger ! '' It sounds Irish that, and Josiah used to say they come up to the 'Americans a'most in pure eloquence. It's grand, it's sublime that, . you may depend. When you get 'em up to the right pitch, then, Jsays you, we have no power in parliament ; we must have abolition Wmbers. Certainly, says they, and who so fit as the good, the ' 'pious, the Christian-like John Canter; up you are put then, and 'bundled free gratis, head over heels, into parliament. When you • 'are in the House o' Commons, at it ag'in, blue-jacket, for life. ^' Some good men, some weak men, and a'most a plaguy sight of hy- '* 'pocritical men will join you. Cant carries sway always now. A large party in the House, and a wappin large party out o' the house, ^^' must be kept quiet, conciliated, or whatever the right word is, and "l* ijohn Canter is made Lord Lavender. ' I see, I see, said he; a glorious prospect of doin good, of aidin my "" 'fellow mortals, of bein useful in my generation. I hope for a more imperishable reward than a coronet, — the approbation of my own '"' Iconscience. Well, well, says I to myself, if you ain't the most im- "" pudent as well as the most pharisaical villain that ever went onhung, *'' "then I never seed a finished rascal, — that's all. He took my advice, '"^ 'and went right at it, tooth and nail; worked day and night, and made V 'a'most a deuce of a stir. His name was in every paper — ameetinheld '''' Itierc to-day, — that great and good man John Canter in the chair; — a i"*' 'meetin hold there to-morrow, — addressed most eloquently by that '■^ 'philanthropist, philosopher, and Christian, John Canter; — a society '^ 'formed in one place, John Canter secretary; — a society formed in if"' femother place, John Canter president: — John Canter everywhere; — if '• ' 'you went to London, he handed you a subscription list, — if you went to J"' Brighton, he met you with a petition, — if you went to Shofiicld, ho ' 1 [filled your pockets with tracts ; — he was a complete jack-o'-lantern here ilf jand there, and everywhere. The last I heerd tell of him he was in p* 'Parliament, and agoin out governor-general of some of the colonies. iti» li've seen a good many superfine saints in my time, squire, but tliis ;M 'critter was the most uppercrust one I ever seed, — he did beat all. !0 ' Yes, the English dcsarve some credit, no doubt; but wjien you -«» 'substractelectioneerin party spirit, hippocrasy, ambition, ministerial irleJi -flourishes, and all the other ondertow causes that operated in this 12 178 THE CLOCKMAKER. | work, which at best was but clumsily contrived, and bunglinly exe-- i ^^^ cuted, it don't leave so much to brag on arter all, does it now ? | j^ijy prep and CHAPTER XLI. ,(a m TALKING LATIN. I j(,p el Do you see them are country galls there, said Mr. Slick, how they .,,[| are tricked out in silks, and touched off with lace and ribbon to the ^y, nine's, amincin along with parasols in their hands, as if they were 1,1 afear'd the sun would melt them like wax, or take the colour out o( jjj their face, like a printed cotton blind? Well, that's gist the ruin o{ this country. It ain't poverty the blue noses have to fear, for that they needn't know, without they choose to make acquaintance with it ; but it's gentility. They go the whole hog in this country, you may depend. They ain't content to appear what they be, but want to be what they ain't ; they live too extravagant, and dress too extravagant, and won't do what's the only thing that will supply this extravagance : that is, be industrious. Gist go into one of the meetin-houses, back here in the woods, where there ought to be nothin but homespun cloth, and home-made stulfs and bonnets, and see the leghorns and palmettors, and silks and shalleys, morenos, gauzes, and blonds, assembled there, enough to buy the best farm in the settlement. There's somethin not altogether gist right in this ; and the worst 0! these habits is, they ruinate the young folks, and they grow upas bi^ goneys as the old ones, and eend in the [same way, by bein half- starved at last; there's a false pride, false feelin, and false edicatior here. I mind once, I was down this way to New Canaan, avendir o' my clocks, and who should I overtake but Nabal Green, apokir along in his waggon, half-loaded with notions from the retail shops at the cross roads. Why, Nabal, said I, are you agoin to set up for • marchant, for I see you've got a considerable of an assortment of good, there? you've got enough 0' them to make a pedlar's fortin a' most Who's dead, and what's to pay now? Why, friend Slick, said he, how do you do? who'd a' thought seein you here? You see my old lady, said he, is agoin for to giv' our Arabella, that's gist returned from boardin-school to Halifax, a le off to-night. Most all the bettermost folks in these parts are axed and the doctor, the lawyer, and the minister is invited ; it's no skim milk story, I do assure you, but upper crust, real jam. Ruth intend to do the thing handsome. She says she don't do it often, but whei she does, she likes to go the whole figur, and do it genteel. If sh liasn't a show of dough-nuts and prasarves, and apple sarse and pun I TALKING LATIN. 179 in pies and sarsages, it's a pity; it's taken all hands of us, the old Illy and her galls too, hesides the helps, the best part of a week past Heparin. I say nothin, but it's most turned (he house inside out, st'ttin up things in this rooni, or toalin 'em out of that into t'other, lid all in such a conflustrigation, that I'm glad when they send me 1 an arrand to be out of the way. It's lucky them harrycanes don't ome every day, for they do scatter things about at a great rate, all o|isy-turvey like, — that's sartin. Won't you call in and see us to- -'ht, Mr, Slick? folks will be amazin glad to see you, and I'll show 11 some as pritty-lookin galls, to my mind, in our settlement here, ;^ you'll see in Connecticut, I know. Well, says I, I don't care if I It; there's nothin I like more nor a frolic, and the dear little critters do like to be among 'em too, — that's sartin. In the evenin I drives over to Nabal's, and arter puttin up my M'ast, old Clay, I goes into the house, and sure enough, there they is as big as life. The young ladies asittin on one side, and the nn aslandin up by the door, and achatterin away in great good iinnour. There was a young chap aholdin forth to the men about olitics; he was a young trader, set up by some raarchantin Halifax, ruinate the settlement with good-for-nothin trumpery they hadn't !> occasion for, — chock full of consait and alTectation, and beginnin • feel his way with the yard stick to assembly already. Great dandy was Mr. Bobbin ; he looked gist as if he had come out )f the tailor's hands, spic and span ; put out his lips and drew down 'liis brow, as if he had a trick of thinkin sometimes — nodded his head ind winked, as if he knew more than he'd like to tell — talked of ta- int quite glib, but disdainful, as if he wouldn't touch some folks with 1 pair of tongs; a great scholar too was Mr. Bobbin, always spoke idictionary, and used heavy artillery words. I don't entertain no Imannerof doubt if government would take him at his own valuation, Ihe'd be found to be a man o' great worth. I never liked the critter, 'and always gave him a poke when I got a chance. He was a town !meelin orator; a grand school that to larn public speakin, squire; a (nice muddy pool for young ducks to larn to swim in. He was a grand Ihand to read lectures in blacksmiths' shops at Vandues and the like, 'and talked politics over his counter at a great size. He looked big land talked big, and altogether was a considerable big man in his own l^onsait. He dealt in reform. He had ballot tape, suflrage ribbon, radical lace, no tythe hats, and beautiful pipes with a democrat's head :on 'em, and the ma\im, 'No sinecure,' under it. Every thing had lits motto. No, sir, said he, to some one lie was atalkin to as I came iin, this country is attenuated to pulverization by its aristocracy — a 'proud, a haughty aristocracy; a corrupt, a lignious and lapidinous I aristocracy ; put them into a parcel, envelop 'em with a j)anoply of i paper, tie them up and put them into the scales, and they will be found 180 THE CLOCKMAKER. wantin. There is not a pound of honesty among 'em, nay not an ounce, nay not a pennyweight. The article is wantin — it is not ir their catalogue. The word never occurs either in their order, or ir their invoice. They won't bear the inspection, — they are not mar- chantable, — nothin but refuse, If there is no honesty in market, says I, why don't you import some, and retail it out? you might make some considerable profit on it, anc do good to the country too ; it would be quite patriotic that. I'm gla( to see, says I, one honest man atalkin politics any how, for there'; one thing I've obsarved in the course of my experience, whenever ,■ man suspects all the world that's above him of roguery, he must b( a pretty considerable superfine darned — (rogue himself, whrspere( some critter standin by, loud enough for all on 'em to hear, and to se the whole party achockin with larfter) — ^judge of the article himsell says I. Now, says I, if you do import it, gist let us know how you sel it, — by the yard, the quart, or the pound, will you? for it ain't se down in any tradin tables I've seen, whether it is for long measure dry measure, or weight. Well, says he, atryin to larf, as if he didn't take the hint, I'll le you know, for it might be of some use to you, perhaps, in the clod trade. May be, you'll be a customer, as well as the aristocrats But how is clocks now? said he, and he gave his neighbour a nudg with his elbow, as much as to say, I guess it's my turn now, — ho> do clocks go? Like some young country traders I've seen i my time, says I ; don't go long afore they run down, and have to b wound up again. They are considerable better too, like them, fo bein kept in their own place, and plaguy apt to go wrong when move out of it. Thinks I to myself, take your change out o' that, youn man, will you? for I'd heerd tell the goney had said they had cheat enough in Nova Scotia, without havin Yankee clockmakers to put ne^ wrinkles on their horns. Why, you are quite witty this evenin, sai he; you've been masticatin mustard, I apprehend. I was alwaj fond of it from a boy, said I, and it's a pity the blue noses didn't che' a little more of it, I tell you ; it would help 'em, p'r'aps, to digest the jokes better, I estimate. AVhy, I didn't mean no ofTence, said he, do assure you. Nor I neither, said 1 ; I hope you don't take it in an way parsonal. Says I, Friend Bobbin, you have talked a considerable hard o' ir afore now, and made out the Yankees most as big rogues as your grei men be ; but I never thought anything hard of it : I only said, sa^ I, he puts me in mind of Mrs. Squire Ichobad Birch. What's that says the folks. Why, says I, Marm Birch was acomin down staii one mornin airly, and what should- she see but the stable help akis: in of the cook in the corner of the entry, and she atTendin oflflike brave one. You good-for-nothin hussey, said Marm Birch, get oi TALKING LATIN. 181 • my house this niinit: I won't have no such ondeccnt carryins on lere, on no account. You horrid critter, set out o' my sight; and iii IS for you, said she to the Irishman, don't you never dare to shew ti »our ugly face here again. I wonder you aint ashamed of your- -elves, — both on you begone; — away with you, bag and baggagcl ''; ( Hullo I said the squire as he foller'd down in his dressing gownd k (ind slippers; hullo I says he, what's all this touss about? Nothin, uj i>ays Pat, ascratchin of his head, nothin, your honor, only the mis- lliii i.ress says she'll have no kissin in the house but what she does herself. len jFhe cook had my jack knife in her pocket, your honor, and wouldn't iiBi j;ive it to me, but sot olf and ran here with it, and I arter her, and B|« fraught her. I gist put my hand in her pocket promisc'ously to sarch ilti jor it, — and when I found it, Iwas atryin to kiss her by way of forfeit iin ike, and that's the long and the short of the matter. The mistress oti pays she'll let no one but herself in the house do that same. Tut, — nil jtut, — tut ! says the squire, and larfed right out; both on you go and ast attend to your work then, and let's hear no more about it. Now, you ire like Marm Birch, friend Bobbin, says I — you think nobody has a 11 I'ight to be honest but yourself ; but there is more o'that arter all ago- )(|i ;n in the world than you have any notion of, I tell you. Mfl i Feelin a hand on my arm, I turns round, and who should I see but iij JMarm Green. Dear me, says she, jsjhat you, Mr Slick? I've been _j (Ibbkin all about for you for ever so long. — How do you do? — I hope I see you quite well. Hearty as brandy, marm, says I, tbo' not quite efe jis strong, and a great deal heartier for aseein of you. — How be you? IReasonable well and stirrin, says she : I try to keep amovin ; but I [shall give the charge of things soon to Arabella : have you seen her yet? No, says I, I havn't had the pleasure since her return ; but I cIk (leard folks say she is a'most a splendid line gall. Well, come, then, liaid she, atakin of my arm, let me introduce you to her. She is a fine gall, Mr. SKck, that's a fact; and though I say it that shouldn't say it, ,;he's a considerable of an accomplished gall too. There is no touch \ lO her in these parts: minister's daughter that was all one winter to 1^ pt. John can't hold a candle to her. Can't she tho'? said I. No, It '>aid she, that she can't, the consaited minx, though she does carry ilier head so high. One of the gentlemen that played at the show of the wild beast, said to me, says he, I'll tell you what it is, Marm I iGreen, said he, your darter has a beautiful touch — that's a fact : most galls can play a little, but your's does the thing complete. And so J j>he ought, says she, takin her five quarters into view. Five quar- Ij, Iters! said I ; well, if that don't beat all ! well, I never luerd tell of a jj, j^all havin five quarters afore since I was raised! The skin, said I, |j it must say, is a most beautiful one ; but as for the talU w, who ever |j[j .heerd of a gall's tallow? jl, I The fifth quarter!— Oh Lord! said I, marm, yoi 11 kill me,— 182 THE CLOCKMAKER. and I haw-hawed right out. Why, Mr. Shck, says she, ain t yotj ashamed? do, for gracious sake, behave yourself; I meant five quarters schoohn : what a droll man you be. Oh! five quarters' schoohn! says I; now I onderstand. And, said she, if she don't paint it'j a pity? Paint! said I; why, you don't say so! I thought that art beautiful color was all nateral. Well, I never could kiss a gall thai painted. Mother used to say it was sailin under false colors — I 'mos; wonder you could allow her to paint, for I'm sure there ain't th( least morsel of occasion for it in the world : you may say that — it u a pity ! Get out, said she, you imperance : you know'd better noi that ; I meant her pictures. Oh ! her pictures, said I, now I see;— does she tho' ? Well, that is an accomplishment you don't often see I tell you. — Let her alone for that, said her mother. Here, Arabella dear, said she, come here, dear, and bring Mr. Slick your pictui of the river that's got the two vessels in it, — Captain Noah Oak', sloop, and Peter Zinck's schooner. Why, my sakes, mamma, saii Miss Arabella, with a toss of her pretty little saucy mug, do you ex- pect md to show that to Mr. Slick? why, he'll only larf at it, — h larfs at everything that ain't Yankee. Larf! said I ; now do tell : ' guess I'd be very sorry to do such an ongenteel thing to any one- much less, miss, to a young lady like you. No, indeed, not I. Yes said her mother; do, Bella dear; Mr. Slick will excuse any littl defect/, I'm sure; she's had only five quarters, you know, and you'l make allowances, won't you, Mr. Slick? I dare say, I said, the don't stand in need of no allowances at all, so don't be so backward my dear. Arter a good deal of mock modesty, out skips Miss Ara bella, and returns with a great large water color drawin as big as winder shutter, and carried it up afore her face as a hookin cow doe a board over her eyes to keep her from makin right at you. Novf said her mother, lookin as pleased as a peacock when it's in full 11 with its head and tail up, now, says she, Mr. Slick, you are a con siderableof a judge of paintin — seein that you do bronzin and'gildi so beautiful, — now don't you call that splendid? Splendid! says I; guess there ain't the beat of it to be found in this country, anyhow I never seed anything like it : you couldn't ditto it in the province, know. I guess not, said her mother, nor in the next province nei ther. It sartainly beats all, said I. And so it did, squire; you' adied if you'd aseed it, for larfin. There was the two vessels on right above t'other, a great big black cloud on the top, and a churc steeple standin under the bottom of the schooner. Well, says I, th; is beautiful — that's a fact ! but the water, said I, miss ; you hav'n done that yet; when you put that in, it will be complete. Not ye said she; the greatest difficulty I have in paintin is in makin watei Have you, tho'? said I; well, that is a pity. Yes, said she; it's th hardest thing in natur' — I can't do it straight, nor make it look of lb TALKING LATIN. 1S3 M color; and Mr. Acre, our master, said you must always make .\tor in straight lines in painting, or it ain't natoral and ain't jiloasin : •■;sels too are considerable hard; if you make 'em strait up and down it'v look stilTand ongraceful like, and if you put 'em onder sail then Ml should know all about fixin the sails the right way for the wind -if you don't, it's blundcrsome. I'm-terribly troubled with the effect f wind. Oh! says I. Yes, I am, said she, and if I could only Linage wind and water in paintin landscapes, why, it would bo mthin — I'd do 'em in a jitTey; but to produce the right elTect these iiiiigs take a great deal of practice. I thought I should have snorted -lit out to hear the little critter run on with such a regular bam. Ml dear! said I to myself, what pains some folks do take to make fools I their children : here's as nice a little heifer as ever was, alettin of ler clapper run away with her like an onruly horse ; she don't know N here it will take her to yet, no more than the man in the moon. As she carried it out again her mother said. Now, 1 take some credit myself, Mr. Slick, for that ; — she is throwed away here ; but I was 1 'tarmined to have her educated, and so I sent her to boardin school, Imd you see the efTect of her five quarters. Afore she went, she was three years to the combined school in this district, that includes both I3alhousie and Shanbrooke: you have combined schools in the States, lav'n't you, Mr. Slick? I guess we have, said I ; boys and galls com- bined ; I was to one on 'em, when I was considerable well grown up : Lord, what fun we had ! It's a grand place to learn the multiplication lable at, ain't it? I recollect once, — Oh fie! Mr. Slick, I mean a siminary for young gentlemen and ladies where they larn Latin and English combined. Oh latten! said I; they larn latten there, do they? — Well, come, there is some sense in that ; I didn't know there svas a factory of it in all Nova Scotia. I know how to make latten; 'ather sent me clean away to New York to larn it. You mix up J" 'calamine and copper, and it makes a brass as near like gold as one * Ipea is like another ; and then there is another kind o' latten workin 'tin over iron, — it makes a most complete imitation of silver. Oh! ja knowledge of latten has been of great sarvice to me in the clock " jtrade, you may depend. It has helped me to a nation sight of the '' ^genuwhie metals — that's a fact. f I Why, what on airth are you atalkin about? said Mrs. Green. I '' don't mean that latten at all; I moan the Latin they larn at schools. * Well, I don't know, said I; I never seed any other kind o' latten, ^ [nor ever heerd tell of any. — What is it? Why, it's a it's a . ' 'Oh, you know well enough, said she; only you make as if you didn't, I to poke fun at me. I believe, on my soul, you've been abammin * 'of me the whole blessed time. I hope I be shot if I do, said I ; so do ' !tell me what it is. Is it anything in the silk factory line, or the ' straw-plat, or the cotton warp way? Your head, said she, consider- 184 THE CLOCKMAKER. able mifTy, is always arunnin on a factory. Latin is a . Nabal, said she, do tell me what Latin is. Latin, says he, — why, Latin is ahem! it's what they teach at the Combined School. Well, says she, we all know that as well as you do, Mr. Wisehead ; but what is it? Come here, Arabella dear, and tell me what Latin is? Why, Latin, ma, said Arabella, is, — am-o, Hove; — am-at, he loves; am-amus, we love; — that's Latin. Well, it does sound dreadful pretty, tho', don't it? says I; and yet, if Latin is love and love is Latin, you hadn't no occasion, — and I got up, and slipt my hand into her's — you hadn't no occasion to go to the Combined School to larn it; for natur', says I, teaches that a and I was whisperin of the rest o' the sentence in her ear, when her mother said, — Come, come, Mr. SUck, what's that you are asaying of? Talkin Latin, says I,— awinkin to Arabella; — ain't we, miss? Oh yes, said she, — retiirnin the squeeze of my hand and larfin ; — oh yes, mother, arter all, he understands it complete. Then take my seat here, says the old lady, and both on you sit down and talk it, for it will be a good practice foi you ; — and away she sailed to the eend of the room, and left us a — talking Latin. I hadn't been asittin there long afore doctor Ivory Hovey came up, asmirkin, and asmilin, and arubbin of his hands, as if he was agoin to say somethin very witty ; and I observed, the moment he came, Arabella took herself off. She said, she couldn't 'bide him al all. Well, Mr. Slick, said he, how are you? how do you do, upori an average, eh? Pray, what's your opinion of matters and things ir general, eh? Do you think you could exhibit such a show of fim bloomin galls in Slickville, eh? Not a bad chance for you, \ guess ■ — (and he gave that word guess a twang that made the folks larf al round,) — said he, for you to speckilate for a wife, eh? Well, says I there is a pretty show o' galls, — that's sartain, — but they wouldn' condescend to the like o' me. I was athinkin there was some on 'en that would gist suit you to a T. Me, says he, adrawin of himsel up and looking big, — ine/ and he turned up his nose like a pointe dog when the birds flowed off. When / honour a lady with the oCfe of nii/ hand, says he, it will be a lad^. Well, thinks I, if you aiu' a consaited critter it's a pity ; most on 'em are a plaguy sight too gooi for you, so I will gist pay you off in your own coin. Says I, you pu me in mind of Lawyer Endicot's dog. What's that? says the folk acrowdin round to hear it, for I seed plain enough that not one oi 'em liked him one morsel. Says I, he had a great big black dogtha he used to carry about with him everywhere he went, into th churches and into the court. The dog was always abotherin of thi judges, ageUin between their legs, and they used to order him to b turned out every day, and they always told the lawyer to keep hi ^log to home. At last, old Judge Porson said to the constable on TALKING LATIN. 185 day, in a voice of thunder, Turn out that dog ! and the judge gave him a kick that sont him half-vay across the room, yclpin and howi- vin like anylliing. The lawyer was properly vexed at this, so says he to the dog, Pompey, says he, come here 1 and the dog came up to him. Pidn't I ahvays toll you, said he, to keep out o' had company? lake that, said he, agivin of him a' most an awful kick, — take that! — and the next time only go among gentlemen ; and away went the dog, lookin foolish enough, you may depend. What do you mean k Iby that are story, sir? said he, abristlin up like a mastifl'. Nothin, t isays I; only that a puppy sometimes gets into company that's too 1 Igood for him, by mistake; and, if he forgets himself, is jilaguy apt » \to get bundled out faster than he came in ; — and I got u|) and walked I • away to the other side. Folks gave him the nickname of Endicot's dog arter that, and I was ,glad on it : it sarved him right, the consaited ass. 1 heerd the crit- lii iter amutterin sun'fhin of the Clockmaker illustratin his own case, !ti ibut, as I didn't want to be personal, I made as if I didn't want to be i\ .parsonal, I made as if I didn't hear him. As I went over towards the side table, who should I see aloanin up against it but Mr. Bob- « ;bin, pretty considerably well shaved, with a glass o' grog in his hand :i jalookin as cross as you please, and so far gone, he was alhinkin il jaloud, and atalkin to himself. There comes * soft sawder,' says he, « land ' luiman natur', — ameanin me, — a Yankey broom, — wooden 11) :nutmegs, — cussed sarcy, — great mind to kick him. Arabella's got K |her head turned, — consaited minx; — good exterior, but nothin in oli |her, — like Slick's clocks, all gilded and varnished outside, and soft lu iwood within. Gist do for Ivory Hovey, — same breed, — big head, — \i ilong ears, — a pair of donkeys! Shy old cock, that deacon, — joins ia|! Temperance Societies to get popular, — slips the gin in, pretends it's d Iwater; — I see him. But here goes, I believe I'll slip off. Thinks I, m lit's gettin on for mornin ; I'll slip off too; so out I goes and har- liffii inesses up Old Clay, and drives home. puil I Gist as I came from the barn and got opposite to the house, I heerd lied jsome one acrackin of his whip, and abawlin out at a great size, and mil i looked up, and who should I see but Bobbin in his waggon ag'in ithe pole fence. Coniin in the air had made him blind drunk. lie joof iwas alickin away at the top pole of the fence, and afancyin his horse leli !was there, and wouldn't go. Who comes there? said he. Clock- imaker, said I. Gist take my horse by the head, — that':; a good fel- j(ii| ler, — will you? said he, and lead him out as far as the road. Cuss [tol iiiim, he won't stir. Spiles a good horse to lead him, says I; he al- gdlt i^'ays looks for it again. Gist you lay it on to him well — his hams jgiKi liin't made o' hickory like mine. Cut away at him; he'll go by and leefk by; — and I drove away and left him acutlin and aslashin at the ,g^5 THE CLOCKMAKER. fence for dear life. Thinks I, you are not the first ass that has been brought ^0 a /->o//, anyhow. Ne.t day, 1 met Nabal. Well, said he. Mr. Slick, you M our young trader rather hard last night; but I warn't sorry •» hear you tho for the critter is so full of consait, it will do h.m good. He wants to pull every one down to his own level, as he can't r,se to the.rs, and s for everlastinly spoutin about House ot Assembly business offi- It Socrats and such stulT; hed be a plaguy sight better m my „,ind attendin to his own business, instead of talkm otother folks 8 ; Tn" usfn his yardstick more, and his tongue less. And between you and Z, Mr, Slick, said he.-tho' I hope you won't let on to any one hat "s id anything to you about it,-but atween ourselves, as we are alone here, am athinkin my old woman .s in a fa.r way to turn A abella's iead too. All this palntin, and singin, and talk.n Latm ^ very well, I consait, for them who have time tor >t and nothm bet- te 7do to hon,e. It's belter p'r'aps to be adoin of that than ado of nolhin; but for the like o' us, who have lo hve by t"™". »"'' keep a co siderable ot a large dairy, and upwards ola h™dred sheep it does seem to me sometimes as if it were a little out ot place. B, candid now, said he. for I should like to hear what your rael genu- ^I'opinion is touchin this matter, seein that you know a good dea of the world. , , j •„„ t mi a\v, Why, friend Nabal, says I, as you've asked my advice I 11 giv; it to you ; tho' anythin partainin to the apron-string is wl^t I don call myself a judge of, and feel delicate of meddhn with Woman . womTn says I ; that's a fact; and a feller that will go for to provok Lr:et«yapttogethimselfstung,andIdon't^^^^^^^^^^^^ not sarve him right too; but this I must say, fnend, that you eju^ about half right,-that's a fact. The proper music ^or^J^rm^ house is the spinnin-wheel,-the true paintin the dye tufl.,--ar he tambourin' the loom. Teach Arabella to be -eful and n showy, prudentand not extravagant. She is gist abou as "ice a ga as you'll see in a day's ride; now don't spoil her, and k^ her get h he Jd turned, for it would be a rael right down pity One Uiing you m. depend on for sartain, as a maxim in the farm.n hne,-yoo^ dart and a good Iwusekeeper, is plaguy apt to make a good wtfe and^ good mother. THE SNOW WREATH 187 CHAPTER \LU. TUE SNOW WREATH. Whoever has read Ilalibiirton's History of Nova Scotia ( which, ,i<\t to Mr. .Tosiah Slick's History of Ciittyhank, in five volumes, is ilie most important account of unimportant thint^s I have ever seen), will recollect that this good city of Annapolis is the most ancient one 'iu North America; but therein one fact omitted by that author, which I trust he will not think an intrusion upon his province, if I take the i liberty of recording, and that is, that in addition to its Leing the most iancient, — it is also the most loyal city of this Western Hemisphere. This character it has always sustained, and 'royal,' as a mark of ■peculiar favour, has ever been added to its cognomen by every go- \ ernnicnt that has had dominion over it. Under the French, with whom it was a great favourite, it was called Port Royal; and the good Queen Anne, who condescended to adopt it, permitted it to be called Annapolis Royal. A book issuing from Nova Scotia is, as RIackwood very justly observes, in his never- to-be-forgotten, nor ever-to-be-sulTiciently-admired reviewof the first partofthis work, one of those unexpected events that, from their great ^iraprobiibility, appear almost incredible. Entertaining no doubt, there- jfore, that every member of the cabinet will read this lusus naturcv, I ilakc this opportunity of informing them that our most gracious Sove- 'reign, Queen Victoria, has not in all her widespread dominions more devoted or more loyal subjects than the good people of Annapolis Royal. Here it was, said I, Mr. Slick, that the egg was laid of that Ameri- can bird, whose progeny have since spread over this immense conti- nent. Well, it is a'most a beautiful bird too, ain't it ? said he ; what Ja plumage it has ! what a size it is ! It is a whopper, — that's sartin ; lit has the courage and the soarin of the eagle, and the colour of the jpeacock, and his majestic step and keen eye; the world never seed the beat of it ; that's a fact. How streaked the English must feel hen they think they once had it in the cage and couldn't keep it Jhere; it is a pity they are so invyous tho' I declare. Not at all, I assure you, I replied : there is not a man among them who is not ready to admit all you have advanced in favour of your national em- blem; the fantastic strut of the peacock, the melodious and attic ones, the gaudy apparel, the fondness for display which is perpe- lially exhibiting to the world the extended tail with painted stars, he amiable disposition of the bird towards the younger and feebler tVspring of others, the unwieldy 1 thought so, said he; I hadn't iijj'ht to have spoke of it afore you, for it does seem to rylo you; I 188 THE CLOCKMAKER. that's sartain ; and I don't know as it was gist altogether right to al- lude to a thin that is so humblin to your national pride. But, squire, ain't this been a hot day? I think it would pass muster among the hot ones of the West Indgies a' most. I do wish I could gist slip of my flesh and sit in my bones for a space, to cool myself, for I ain'' seed such thawy weather this many a year, I know. I calculate 1 will brew a little lemonade, for Marm Bailey ginerally keeps the ma- terials for that Temperance Society drink. This climate o' Nova Scotia does run to extremes ; it has the hottes and the coldest days in it I ever seed. I shall never forget a nigh J spent here three winters ago. I come very near freezin to death The very thought of that night will cool me the hottest day in sum- mer. It was about the latter eend of February, as far as my memor; sarves me, I came down here to cross over the bay to St. John, am it was considerable arter daylight down when I arrived. It was th most violent slippery weather, and the most cruel cold, I think, ever mind seein since I was raised. Says Marm Bailey to me, Mr. Slick, says she, I don't know whs onder the sun I 'm agoin to do with you, or how I shall be able t accommodate you, for there's a whole raft of folks from Halifax hen and a batch of moose-hunting officers, and I don't know who all and the house is chock full, I declare. Well, says I, I'm no waj particular — I can put up with most anything. I'll gist take a stretc here, afore the fire on the floor ; — for I'm e'en a' most chilled to deatl and awful sleepy too; first come, says I, first sarved, you know's a old rule, and luck's the word now-a-days. Yes, I'll gist take tl hearth-rug for it, and a good warm berth it is too. Well, says sh I can't think o' that at no rate: there's old Mrs. Fairns in the ne street but one; she's got a spare bed she lets out sometimes: I send up to her to get it ready for you, and to-morrow these folks w be off, and then you can have your old quarters again. So arter supper, old Johnny Farquhar, the English help, show me up to the widder's. She was considerable in years, but a chee fulsome old lady and very pleasant, but she had a darter, the pre- tiest gall I ever seed since I was created. There was sunthin • another about her that made a body feel melancholy too; she waa lovely-lookin critter, but her countenance was sad ; she was tall al well made, had beautiful lookin long black hair and black eyes; h, oh! how pale she wasl — and the only colour she had, was a Hl3 fever-like-lookin red about her lips. She was dressed in blai, v.Iiicb made her countenance look more marble like; and yetwha- ver it was, — .latur', or consumption, or desartion, or settin'on le anxious benches, or what not, — that made her look so, yet she hadt fallen away one morsel, but was full formed and well waisted. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. THE SNOW WREATH. I8y ', I I foil a kind o' interest in her ; I seemed as if I'd like to hear lier lUory, for sunthin or another had gone wrong, — that was clear; onie little story of tho heart, most like, for young galls are plaguy ipt to have a tender spot thereabouts. She never smiled, ntid when t^he looked on me she looked so streaked and so sad, and cold willial, I made me kinder superstitious. Her voice, too, was so sweet, and ft so doleful, that I felt proper s^rry and amazin curious too; thinks , I'll gist a\ to-morrow all about her, for folks have pretty 'cute t pars in Annapolis ; there ain't a smack of a kiss that ain't heard all \ ' j»ver towr> in two twos, and sometimes they think they hear 'em e\en i itfore they happen. It's a' most a grand place for news, like all other J imall places I ever seed. Well, I tried jokin and funny stories, and I i'very kind o' thing to raise a larf, but all wouldn't do ; she talked ^i jnd listened and chatted away as if there was nothin above i)ar- i jikiler ; but still no smile ; her face was cold and clear and bright as i jhe icy surface of a lake, and 'so transparent too, you could see the leins in it. Arter a while the old lady showed me to my chamber, I ind there was a fire in it; but, oh I my sake's, how cold! it was i like goin down into a well in summer — it made my blood fairly ;ii jhicken ag'in. Your tumbler is out, squire; try a little more of B, jhat lemonade; that iced water is grand. Well, I sot over the fire ,1 ! space, and gathered up the little bits o' brands and kindlin wood, III I for the logs were green, and wouldn't burn up at no rate) ; and then ji I ondressed and made a desperate jump right into the cold bed, with if\ inly half clothes enough on it for such weather, and wrapped up all il( lie clothes round me. Well, I thought I should have died. The 5ii j'ost was in the sheets, — and my breath looked like the steam from jti j boilin tea-kettle, and it settled right down on the quilt, and froze iji jito white hoar. The nails in the house cracked like a gun with a ]^ et wad, — they went oil like thunder, and now and then you'd hear ,)me one run along ever so fast, as if he couldn't shew his nose to it jI, or one minit, and the snow crackin and crumplin onder his feet, (li jke a new shoe with a stitr sole to it. The lire wouldn't blaze no jj| I'nger, and only gave up a blue smoke, and the glass in the window jjlj I'oked all fuzzy with the frost. Thinks I, I'll freeze to death to a J, jirtainty. If I go for to drop ofT asleep, as sure as the world I'll (jj iever wake up ag'in. I've heerd tell of folks afore now feelin dozy ,, |ke out in the cold, and layin down to sleep, and goin for it, and I .|j pn't half like to try it, I vow. Well, I got considerable narvous H jke, and I kept awake near about all night, tremblin and shakin a jke ague. My teeth fairly chattered ag'in ; first I rubbed one foot •j kj'in another, — then I doubled up all on a heaj), and then rubbed all u i^er with my hands. Oh 1 it was dismal you may depend ; — at last Mjj j began to nod and doze, and fancy 1 seed a llock o' sheep atakin a >Ut for it, over a wall, and tried to count 'em, one by one, and 190 THE CLOCKMAKER, couldn't ; and then I'd start up, and then nod ag'in. I felt it acomin all over, in spite of all I could do ; and, thinks I, it ain't so ever- lastin long to day-light now ; I'll fry it anyhow — I'll be darn'd if I don't — so here goes. Just as I shot my eyes, and made up my mind for a nap, I hears a low moan and a sob; well, I sits up, and listens, but all was silent again. Nothin but them etarnal nails agoin off, one arter t'other, like any thin. Thinks I to myself, the winds agettin up, I eslimate; it's as like as not we shall have a change o' weather. Presently 1 heerd a light stop on the entry, and the door opens softly, and ir walks the widder's darter on tip toe, dressed in a long white wrap- per; and after peerin all round to see if I was asleep, she goes anc sits down in the chimbly corner, and picks up the coals and fixe, the fire, and sits alookin at it for ever so long. Oh ! so sad, an( so melancholy; it was dreadful to see her. Says I to myself, say I, what on airth brings the poor critter here, all alone, this time c night ; and the air so plaguy cold, too, 1 guess, she thinks I'll freez to death; or, perhaps she's walkin in her sleep. But there she sc lookin more like a ghost than a human, — first she warmed one fo( andthen theother ; and then held her handsover the coals, and moane bitterly. Dear! dear! thinks I, that poor critter is afreezin to deaths wellas me; I do believe the world is acomin to an eend right off, an we shall all die of cold, and I shivered all over. Presently she gi up, and I saw her face, part covered with her long black hair, ar the other parts so white and so cold, it chilled me to look at it, ai her footsteps I consaited sounded louder, and I cast my eyes dov to her feet, and I actilly did fancy they looked froze. Well, s) come near the bed, and lookin at me, stood for a space witho stirrin, and then she cried bitterly, He, too, is doomed, said sh he is in the sleep of death, and so far from home, and all his frien too. Not yet, said I, you dear critter you, not yet, you may depem, — but you will be if you don't go to bed; — so says I, do for gracious sa) return to your room, or you will perish. It's frozen, says she; i? deathy cold ; the bed is a snow wreath, and the pillow is ice, al the coverlid is congealed ; the chill has struck into my heart, al my blood has ceased to flow. I'm doomed, I'm doomed to die; ai oh ! how strange, how cold is death ! Well, I was all struck up oa heap: I didn't know what on airth to do ; says I to myself, says, here's this poor gall in my room carryin on like ravin distracd mad in the middle of the night here: she's oneasy in her mind, cd is awalkin as sure as the world, and how it's agoin to eend, I dot know, — that's a fact. Katey, says I, dear, I'll get up and give >u my bed if you are cold, and I'll go and make up a great rousin g fire, and I'll call up the old lady, and she will see to you, and get ;u a hot drink; sunthin must be done, to a sartainty, for I can't bir THE SNOW WREATH. 191 , ,0 hear yoji talk so. No, says she, not for the world ; wliat will my I Jmother say, Mr. Slick? and mo hero in your room, and nothin hut i !;his wrapper on ; it's too late now ; it's all over ; and with that she 'ainted, and loll right across the hed. Oh, how cold she was I the It l^hill struck into me ; I feci it yet; the very thoughts is enough to I j^iveone the ague. Well, I'm a modest man, squire ; I was always I aiodest from a hoy ; — hut there was no time for ceremony now, for 111 'here was a sulTerin, dyin critter — so I drew her in, and folded her i| n my arms, in hopes she would come to, hut death was there. il j I breathed on her icy lips, but life seemed extinct, and every time t[l |{ pressed her to me, I shrunk from her till my back touched the SI i^old gypsum wall. It felt like a tomb, so chill, so damp, so cold — i jyou have no notion how cold them are kind o' walls are, they beat ,1 jili natur') — squeezed between this frozen gall on one side, and the J cy plaster on the other, I felt as if my own life was acbbin away in ast. Poor critter! says I, has her care of me brought her to this lu jiass? I'll press her to my heart once more; p'r'aps the little heat i1k, jhat's left there may revive her, and I can but die a few minutes [i;| ,ooner. It was a last etfort, but it succeeded; she seemed to breathe nij (gain — I spoke to her, but she couldnH answer, tho' I felt her tears fjli |low fast on my bosom; but I was actilly sinkin fast myself now, — II j felt my eend approachin. Then came reflection, bitter and sad j|( jhoughts they were too, I tell you. Dear, dearl said I; here's a jj, jretty kettle o' fish, ain't there? we shall be both found dead here jl n the mornin, and what will folks say of this beautiful gall, and of ijj iOe of our free and enlightened citizens, found in such a scrape ? No- jll jliin will be loo bad for 'em that they can lay their tongues to ; that's ^ I fact: the Yankee villain, the cheatin Glockmaker, the : the jj, jiought gave my heart a jupe, so sharp, so deep, so painful, I awoke 1^ jUd found I was ahuggin a snow wreath, that had sifted thro' a liole jj jl the roof on the bed ; part had melted and trickel'd down my ,, xcast, and part had froze to the clothes, and chilled me throush. ■ J woke up, proper glad it was all a dream, you may depend — but V jmazin cold and dreadful stilT, and I was laid up at this place for . jjree weeks w ith the 'cute rheumatis, — that's a fact. ,/ j But your pale young friend, said I; did you ever see her again? ' !ray, what became of her? Would you believe it? said ho; the , [ext mornin, when I came down, there sot Kaley by the fire, look- ! ' jl as bloomin as a rose, and as chipper as a canary bird; — the ., ict is, I was so uncommon cold, and so sleepy too, the night afore, ., jiat I thought everybody and everything looked cold and dismal too. ', :[ornin, sir, said she, as I entered the kee|)in room; mornin to '. !)u, Mr. Slick ; how did you sleep last night? I'm most afeard yuu " -und that are room dreadful cold, for little Biney opened the w indow 5 j the head of the bed to make the fire draw and start the smoke up, 192 THE CLOCKMAKER. and forgot to shut it again, and I guess it was wide open r,'ll night;- I minded it arter I got to bed, and I thought I should ha' died alarl in. Thank you, said I, for that; but you forget you come and she it yourself. Me ! said she ; I never did no such a thing. — Gate me indeed agoin into a gentleman's chamber: no, indeed, not fo the world ! If I wasn't cold, said I, it's a pity, — that's all ; I was ee a' most frozen as stiff as a poker, and near about frightened to deal too, for I seed you or your ghost last night, as plain as I see you now that's a fact. A ghost! said she : how you talk! do tell. Why, he was that? Well, I told her the whole story from beginning toeem First she larfed ready to split at my account of the cold room, an my bein afeard to go to sleep; but then she stopt pretty short, guess, and blushed like anythin when I told her about her com! into the chamber, and looked proper frightened, not knowin whj was to come next ; but when she heerd of her turnin first into s icicle, and then into a snow-drift, she haw-hawed right out. thought she actilly would have gone into hysterics. You might ha^ frozen, said she, in rael right down earnest, afore I'd agone into yoi chamber at that time o' night to see arter you, or your fire eithe said she, you may depend : I can't think what on airth could ha' put that are crotchet into your head. Nor I neither, said I ; and br sides, said I, aketchin hold of her hand, and drawin her close me, — and besides, says I, — I shouldn't have felt so awful cold n( ther, if you . Hold your tongue, said she, you goney yo this minit ; I won't hear another word about it, and go right off ai. get your breakfast, for you was sent for half an hour ago. Art' bein mocked all night, says I, by them are icy lips of your gho. Now I see them are pretty little sarcy ones of yourn, I think I mu, and I'll be darned if I won't have a . Well, I estimate yt won't, then, said she, you impedence, — and she did fend ofTliki brave one — that's a fact; she made frill, shirt collar, and dickey ^ like snow ; she was as smart as a fox-trap, and as wicked as a me- axe; — there was no gettin near her no how. At last, said she.f there ain't mother acomin, I do declare, and my hair is all spil- cated, too, like a mop, — and my dress all rumfoozled, like anythii, — do, for gracious sake, set things to rights a little afore motir comes in, and then cut and run: my heart is in my mouth, I decla'. Then she sot down in a chair, and put both hands behind her h(ii a puttin in her combs. Oh dear, said she, pretendin to try to it away ; is that what you call puttin things to rights? Don't squee so hard ; you'll choke me, I vow. It tante me that's achokin of yi, says I, it's the heart that's in your mouth. — Oh, if it had only bin them lips instead of the ghost! Quick, says she, a-openin of the do', — I hear mother on the steps; — quick, be o(T; but mind you don't U any one that ghost story; people might think there was more irit Tllli TALISMAN. l'J3 I 'han met the car. Well, wrll, said I, to inysolf ; for a pale face, sad, uelanclioly-lookin gall, if you hav'n't turned out as rosy, a romi)in, iirkin, liu'ht-lu'artcd a hoifer as ever I seed afore, it's a pity. — Tlicro's .nothor lemon left, squire, 'sposo wc mix a little more sourin aforo \fe turn in, and take another glass * to the widder's darter.' CH.4PTER XLIII. I THE TALIS.MAN. . It was our intention to have left Annapolis this morning after J reakfast, and proceeded to Digby, a small but beautiful village, I ituated at the entrance of that magnificent sheet of water, once ,, nown as Port Royal Basin, but lately by the more euphonious ap- ,1 ,ellation of the ' Gut.' But Mr. Slick w as missing, nor could any ^ace of him be found; I therefore ordered the horse again to the J table, and awaited his return with all due patience. It was five n ,'clock in the afternoon before he made his appearance. Sorry to I Jeep you awaitin, said he, but I got completely let in for it this I jiornin ; I put my foot in it, you may depend. I've got a grand y tory to tell you, and one that will make you larf too, I kflow. .Vhere do you think I've been of all places onder the sun? Why, "'. 've been to court; that's a fact. 1 seed a great crowd of folks . bout the door, and thinks I, who's dead, and what's to pay now? , think I'll just step in for a minit and see. J I What's on the carpet to-day ? says I to a blue nose ; what's pin on here? Why, said he, they are agoin for to try a Yankee. "j, l^hat for ? said I. Steahn, said he. A Yankee, says I to myself; ell, that's strange too; that beats me any-how; I never heerd ill of a Yankee bein such a born fool as to steal. If the feller has en such a ravin distracted goney, I hope they will hang him, the jirmint ; that's a fact. It's mostly them thick-sculled, wrong-headed, [issed stupid fools the British that do that are; they ain't brought up '"•" iell, and hav'n't got no edication ; but our folks know better; they've *'"' "jen better larned than to do the like o' that — they can get most any- ' I |iing they want by gettin hold on the right eend in a bargain ; they "* •) manage beautiful in a trade, a slight o' hand, a loan, a failin, a 'v ;,eckelation, swap, thimble-rig, or some how or another in the rigular i'*? ay within the law; but as for stealin — never — I don't believe he's ^^- iYankee. No, thinks I, he can't be American, bred and born, for »"'!' e are too enlightened for that, by a long chalk. We have a great Itlfi -^gpect for the laws, squire; we've been bred to that, and always %m )hold the dignity of the law. I recollect once that some of our ffljK' ' 13 ict? Sll I all? 194 THE CLOCKMAKER. young citizens away above Montgomery got into a flare-up with a party of boatmen that lives on the Mississippi ; a desperate row it was too, and three of the Kentuckians were killed as dead as herrins. Well, they were had up for it afore Judge Cotton. He was one ol our revolutionary heroes, a starn, hard-featured old man, quite a Cato, — and he did curry 'em down with a heavy hand, you ma^ depend ; — he had no marcy on 'em. There he sot with his hat on a cigar in his mouth, his arms folded, and his feet over the rail lookin as sour as an onripe lemon. Bring up them culprits, said he ■: and when they were brought up he told 'em it was scandalous, an( I only fit for English and ignorant foreigners that sit on the oute 1 porch of darkness, and not high-minded, intelligent Americans \You are a disgrace, said he, to our great nation, and I hope 1 shal never hear the like of it ag'in. If I do, I'll put you on your trij as sure as you are born ; I hope I may be skinned alive by wil cats, if I dont. Well, they didn't like this kind o' talk at all, s that night away they goes to the judge's house, to teach him a thin or two, with a cowskin, and kicked up a deuce of a row; and wh; do you think the neighbours did? Why, they gist walked in, seize the ringleaders and lynched them, in less than ten minits, on one ( the linden trees afore the judge's door. They said the law must he vindicated, — and that courts must I upheld by all quiet orderly people for a terror to evil-doers. Tl law must take its course. No, thinks I, he cant be a Yankee;— he was, and had awanted the article, he would ha' done him out it, p'r'aps in a trade, bcin too experienced a man of business f him; but steal it, never, never — I don't believe it, I vow. We I walked into the court-house, and there was a great crowd i folks there, ajabberin and atalkin away like anything ( for bh- nose needn't turn his back on any one for talkin — the critter is I tongue, like an old horse ) — presently in come one or two you; lawyers, in a dreadful hurry, with great piles of books under thr arms with white leather covers, and great bundles of papers tied wi red tape, and put 'em down on the table afore 'em, lookin very !? with the quantity of larnin they carried; thinks I, young shaversif you had more of that in your heads, and less under your arms, ^u would have the use of your hands to play with your thumbs when ^u had nothin to do. Then came in one or two old lawyers, cd sot down and nodded here and there to some o' the upper-crst folks o' the county and then shook hands amazin hearty •wh the young lawyers, and the young lawyers larfed, and the old ojs larfed, and they all nodded their heads together like a flock of gese agoin thro' a gate. Presently the sherilT calls out at the tip eend of his voe, * Clear the way for the judge;' — and the judge walks up to le rilE TALISMAN. 1<)5 iiench, lookin down lo his I'cot to see lie ilidn't (read on oilier folk'*' oes, and put his arm behind liis back, and twirls the (ail of his i JBoonlight. It looked strange to me, you may depend, for the law- h ]ifers looked like so many ministers all dressed in black gowns and i« livhite bands on, only they acted more like players than preachers, a D» olaguy sight. But, said I, is this not the case in your country; is ;here not some sort of professional garb worn by the bar of the SIB 'United States, and do not the barristers and the court exchange those \.'. Ijalutations which the common courtesies of life not only sanction, et' but imperatively require as essential to the preservation of mutual u irespect and general good breeding? What on airth, said the Clock- iis Imaker, can a black gound have to do with intelligence? Them sort ' 'of liveries may do in Europe, but they don't convene to our free and tiif lenlightened citizens. It's too foreign for us, too unphilosophical, too on Ifeudal, and a remnant o' the dark ages. No, sir; our lawyers do as fli ithey like. Some on 'em dress in black, and some in white; some li icarry walking-sticks, and some umbrellas, some whittle sticks with ft; ipenknives, and some shave the table, and some put their legs under (Ji ithe desks, and some put 'em a top of them, just as it suits them. ai iThey sit as they please, dress as they please, and talk as they please; Iff !we are a free people. I guess if a judge in our country was to order Hi ithe lawyers lo appear all dressed in black, they'd soon ax him who la lelected him director-general of fashions, and where he found such iji (arbitrary power in the constitution as that, committed to any man. (f< i But I was agoin to tell you 'bout the trial. — Presently one o' the J' iold lawyers got up, and said he. My lord, said he, I n/oir, your lord- i iship, that the prisoner may be brought up. And if it warn't a 7?iove )[! j it was a pity. The lawyer moved the judge, and the judge moved the sheriff, and the sheriff moved the crowd, for they all wow<^ out to- f (gether, leavin hardly any one on them but Ihc judge and the law- I I yers ; and in a few minits they all inoved back ag'in with a prisoner^ 196 THE CLOCKMAKER. They seemed as if Ihey had never seen a prisoner before. Whe they came to call the jury they didn't all answer; so says the sheri to me, walk in the box, sir, — you, sir, with the blue coat. Do yo indicate me, sir? said I. Yes, says he, I do: walk in the box. give you thanks, sir, says I, but I'd rather stand where I be; I'v no occasion to sit; and besides, I guess, I must be amovin. Wal in the box, sir, said he, and he roared like thunder. And, says th judge, alookin up, and smilin and speakin as soft as if butte wouldn't melt in his mouth, you must walk in the box, sir. Well says I, to oblige you, says T, my lord, I will; but there don't seei much room in it to walk, I vow. You are called upon, sir, says th judge, as a talisman; take your seat in the box, and be silent. If must, says I, I do suppose I must; but I don't like the office, an I don't believe I've got a marker about me ; but if you've are a piet of chalk about you, you could give me, or lend me an old pencil, 1' try to cypher it as well as I can, and do my possibles to give you sa tisfaction, my lord. What are you atalkin about, sir? said he;- what do you mean by such nonsense? Why, says I, my lord, W been told that in this country, and indeed I know it is the practh almost all over ourn, for the jury to chalk, that is, every man chall down on the wall his vote; one man ten pounds, one twenty, an other thirty, and another five pounds, and so; and then they ac them all up, and divide by twelve, and that makes the vardict. No if I'm to be tahjsman, says ,1 and keep count, I'll chalk it as straigl as a boot-jack. The judge throwed himself back in his chair, an turning to the sheriff, says he, is it possible, Mr. Sheriff, that such a abominable practice as this exists in this country ? or that peopl under the solemn obligation of an oath, can conduct themselves wit so much levity as to make their verdict depend upon chance, ai not upon reason ? If I was to know an instance of the kind, said h — and he looked battle, murder, and sudden death, — I'd both fit and imprison the jury; — I would, by (and he gave the corn of his mouth a twist just in time to keep in an oath that was on tl tip of his tongue), and he hesitated a little to think how to get out ' the scrape, — at least I consaited so, — by and with the full consent ' my brethern on the bench. 1 have my suspicions, said the Clockmaker, that the judge hi heerd tell of that practi*?^ afore, and was only waitin for a complai. to take notice of it regular-like, for them old judges are as cunnin '■ foxes ; and if he had, I must say he did do the surprise very well, f ' he looked all struck up of a heap, like a vessel taken aback with squall, agoin down starn formost. Who is that man? said he. I am a clockmaker, sir, said I. didn't ask you what you were, sir, says he, acolorin up ; I asked yu who you were. I'am Mr. Samuel Slick of Slickville, sir, says I;i THE TALISMAN. 197 'clockmakor from Onion County, State of Connecticut, in the United 'states of America. You are exempt, said he, — you may walk out of ' \the box. Thinks 1 to myself, old tliap, next time you want a talis- I ;man, take one of your own folks, will you? Well, when I looked I jup to the prisoner, sure enough 1 seed he was one of our citizens, one ' Expected Thorne,' of our town, an endless villain, that Ijad been two or three times in the State's prison. The case was a very plain r one. Captain Billy Slocum produced a watch, which he said was hisn ; he said he went out arfer dinner, leavin his watch ahangin up over the mantel piece, and when he returned to tea it was gone, and ' ,that it was found in Expected Thome's possession. Long before the Evidence was gone through, I seed he was guilty, the villain. There " lis a sort of freemasonry in hypocrasy, squire, you may depend. It I jhas its signs and looks by which the brotherhood know each other; 'and as charity hopeth all things, and forgiveth all things, these ap- peals of the elect to each other from the lowest depths of woe, {whether conveyed by the eye, the garb, or the tongue, are seldom ' 'made in vain. ™ Expected had seed too much of the world, I estimate, not to know 'that. If he hadn't his go-to-meetin dress and looks on this day to do Jthe jury, it's a pity. He had his hairs combed down as straight as a 'liorse's mane ; a little thin white cravat, nicely plaited and tied plain, 'garnished his neck, as a white towel does a dish of calves' head, — a JJtandin up collar to his coat gave it the true cut, and the gilt buttons |:overed with cloth eschewed the gaudy ornaments of sinful, carnal "" Inan. He looked as demure as a harlot at a christenin — drew down W 'the corners of his mouth, so as to contract the trumpet of his nose, f*' !ind give the right base twang to the voice, and turned up the whites f«' 'jf his eyes, as if they had been in the habit of lookin in upon the 5S» Inner man for self-examination and reproach. Oh, he looked like a '"" 'nartyr; gist like a man who would suffer death for conscience sake, ™ 'md forgive his enemies with his dyin breath. i*' I Gentlemen of the jury, says Expected, I am a stranger and a so- 'ii* journer in this land, but I have many friends and received much Hi* Idndness, thanks be to divine Providence for all his goodness to me a iinner; and I don't make no doubt that tho' I be a stranger, his lord- l?«i fihip's honor will, under Providence, see justice done to me. The 4 'ast time I was to Captain Billy's house I seed his watch, and that it liiii |vas out of order, and 1 olTered to clean it and repair it for him 4 ?br nothin, free gratis ; — that I cant prove. But I'll tell you ;fi what I can prove, and it's a privilege for which I desire to render hanks; that when that gentleman, the constable, came to me, idl md said he came about the watch, I said to him, right out at once, ^] I She's cleaned, says I, but wants regulatin; if Captain Billy is in lysl I hurry for her he can have her, but he had better leave her two 198 THE CLOCKMAKER. or three days to get the right beat.' And never did I deny havin it as a guilty man would have done. And, my lord, said he, and gentlemen of the jury (and he turned up his ugly cantin mug full round to the box) — I trust I know too well the awful account I must one day give of the deeds done in the flesh to peril my immortal soul for vain, idle, sinful toys; and he held up his hands together, and looked upwards till his eyes turned in like them are ones in a marble statue, and his lips kept amovin some time as if he was lost in in- ward prayer. Well, the constable proved it word for word, and the judge said it c?if? appear that there was some mistake ; at all events it did not ap- pear there was evidence of a felonious takin, and he was acquitted. As soon as it was over, Expected comes to me in the corner, and, says he, quite bold hke, Mornin, Slick, how do you do? And then whisperin in my ear, says he. Didn't I do 'em pretty? cuss 'em,— that's all. Let old Connecticut alone yet — she's too much for any or 'em, I know. The truth is, the moment I seed that cussed critter that constable acomin, I seed his arrand with half an eye, and ha( that are story ready-tongued and grooved for him, as quick as wink Says I, I wish they had ahanged you, with all my heart; its sucl critters as you that lower the national character of our free and en- lightened citizens, and degrade it in the eyes of foreigners. The eye of foreigners be d d! said he. Who cares what they think?- and as for these bluenoses, they ain't able to think. They ain't gc two ideas to bless themselves with, — the stupid, punkin-headed consaited blockheads I — cuss me if they have. Well, says I, they ain' such an enlightened people as we are, that's sartain, but that don justify you a bit; you hadn't ought to have stolen that watch. Thf was wrong, very wrong indeed. You might have traded with hint and got it for half nothin ; or bought and failed, as some of our im portin marchants sew up the soft-horned British ; or swapped it an forgot to give the exchange; or bought it and give your note, and ci stick afore the note became due. There's a thousand ways of doi it honestly and legally, without resortin, as foreigners do, tostealii We are a moral people, — a religious, a high-minded, and a higl spirited people ; and can do any and all the nations of the univers world out of anything, in the hundred of millions of clever shifts the are in trade; but as for stealin, I despise it; it's a low, blackguar dirty, mean action ; and I must say you're a disgrace to our gre nation. An American citizen never steals, he only gains tlie adva^ tage .' ITALIAN PAINTINGS. I»3 .t : CHAPTEU XLIV. u I * I ITALIAN PAINTINGS. 'f I iiii ] The next uioriiiiig we resumed our journey, and travelling through m ithe township of Clements, and crossing Moose and Bear rivers, reached Dighy early in the afternoon. It was a most delightful drive. iJii iVVhen we left Annapolis the fog was slowly rising from the low nil grounds and resting on the hills, to gather itself up for a flight into il lUpper air, disclosing, as it departed, ridge after ridge oiTthe Granville ,ii iMountain, which lay concealed in its folds, and gradually revealing ik jthe broad and beautiful basin that extends from the town toDigby. % 1 I am too old now for romance, and, w hat is worse, I am corpulent. il jl find, as I grow stout, I grow less imaginative. One cannot serve tin (two masters. 1 longed to climb the mountain peak, to stand where Dili (Champlain stood, and imagine the scene as it then was, when his i iprophetic eye caught revelations of the future; to visit the holy well ij iwhere the rite of baptism was first performed in these provinces; to lif itrace the first encampments, — the ruins of the rude fortifications, — m 'the first battle-ground. But alas ! the day is gone. I must leave ili .the field to more youthful competitors. I can gratify my eye as I i\\ (drive along the road, but I must not venture into the forest. The « )natural ice-house, — the cascade, — the mountain lake, — the beaver's HI |dam, — the General's bridge, — the aprocryphal Bossignol, — the iron ill jmines, — and last, not least, the Indian antiquities, — in short, each H land all of the lions of this interesting place, that require bodily exer- lili |tion to be seen, — I leave to succeeding travellers. I visit men, and iifj jnol places. Alas ! has it come to this at last, — to gout and port wine? jlj iBe it so : — I will assume the privilege of old age, and talk. mil J At a short distance from the town of Annapolis, we passed the lit (Court House, the scene of Mr. Slick's adventures the preceding day, il(j I and found a crowd of country people assembled about the door. More Ij I than a hundred horses were tied to the fences on either side of the ifif iroad, and groups of idlers were seen scattered about on the lawn, jl, I either discussing the last verdict, or anticipating the jury in the Jl inext. ,"j i I think, said Mr. Slick, we have a right to boast of the justiciary jjf j of our two great nations ; for yourn is a great nation, — that is a fact ; and if all your colonies were joined together, and added on to Old England, she would be most as great a nation as ourn. You have good reason to be proud of your judiciary, said I ; if profound learning, exalted talent, and inflexible integrity can make an establishment • i respectable, the Supreme Court of the United States is pre-eminently 200 THE CLOCKMAKER. so; and I have heard, from those who have the honour of their acquaini ance, that the judges are no less distinguished for their privat worth than their public virtues. I rejoice that it is so, for I conside the justiciary of America as its sheet-anchor. Amidst the incessar change of men and institutions so conspicuous there, this forms asc litary exception. To the permanency and extensive power of thi court you are indebted for the only check you possess, either to po pular tumult or arbitrary power, affording, as it does, the only effec tual means of controlling the conflicts of the local and general goverc ments, and rendering their movements regular and harmonious. It is so, said he ; but your courts and ourn are both tarred wit the same stick, — they move too slow. I recollect, once I was in ol Kenluck, and a judge was sentencing a man to death for murder says he, ' Sooner or later punishment is sure to overtake the guilt man. The law moves slow, but it is sure and sartain. Justice ha been represented with a heel of lead, from its slow and measure pace, but its hand is a hand of iron, and its blow is death. ' Foil said it was a beautiful idea that, and every chap that you met saic Ain't that splendid? — did ever old Mansfield or Ellen Borough com up to that? Well, says I, they might come up to that, and not go very ii neither. A funny sort o' figure of justice that; when it's so plagu heavy-heeled, most any one can outrun it; and when its great ire fist strikes so uncommon slow, a chap that's any way spry is e'e a'most sure to give it the dodge. No; they ought to clap on moi steam. The French courts are the courts for me. I had a ca; once in Marsailles, and if the judge didn't turn it out of hand read hooped and headed in less than no time, it's a pity. But I believe must first tell you how I came for to go there. In the latter eend of the year twenty-eight, I think it was, if k memory sarves me, I was in my little back studio to Slickville, wil off coat, apron on, and sleeves up, as busy as a bee, abronzin ar gildin of a clock case, when old Snow, the nigger-help, popped in h head in a most a terrible of a conflustrigation, and says he, maste says he, if there ain't Massa Governor and the Gineralat the door, I'm alive I what on airth shall I say? AVell, says I, they ha^ caught me at a nonplush, that's sartain ; but there's no help for it < I see, — shew 'em in. Mornin, says I, gentlemen, how do youd( I am sorry, says I, I didn't know of this pleasure in time to ha^ received you respectfully. You have taken me at short, that's a fac and the worst of it is, — I can't shake hands along with you neithe for one hand, you sec, is all covered with isle, and t'other wit copper bronze. Don't mention it, Mr. Slick, said his excellency, beg of you; the fine arts do sometimes require detergants,aud tliei i% no help for it. But that's a most a beautiful thing, said he, yc ITALIAN PAINTINGS. 21)1 arc adoin of; may I presume to chaficliise what it is? Why, said I, Rovornor, that landscape on the rit^ht, with the great white two- I story house in it, havin a washin tiih of apple sarce on one side, and jacart chockfiill of punkin pies on t'other, with thei^'old letters A. P. .over it, is intended to represent this land of promise, our preat coun- ilt try Amerika ; and the gold letters A. P. initialise it Airtlily Paradise. ^1 .Well, says he, who is that lie one on the left? — I didn't intend them d ^letters U and E to indicate he at all, said I, tho' I see now they do; )t{ .1 guess I must alter that. That tall graceful figur', says I, with wings, carryin a long Bowie knife in his right hand, and them jSmall w inged figures in the rear, with little rifles, are angels emigratin jfrom heaven to this country. H and E means heavenly emigrants. I Its alle — ; — ry. — xVnd a beautiful alle — f/o — ry it is, said he, and iwcll calculated to give foreigners a correct notion of our young jgrowin and great Republic. It is a fine conception that. It is , worthy of West. How true to life — how much it conveys — how ■many chords it strikes. It addresses the heart — it's splendid, j Hallo! says I to myself, what's all this? It made me look up at him. Thinks I to myself, you laid that soft sawder on pretty thick anyhow. I wonder whether you are in rael right down .airnest, or w helher you are only arter a vote. Says he, Mr. Slick, |it was on the subject of pictur's wo called. It's a thing Im' .enthusiastic u|)on myself; but my official duties leave me no time ,to fraternise with the brush. I 've been actilly six weeks adoin of a ■bunch of grapes on a chair, and it's not yet done. The de|)artment of paintin in our Atheneum, — in this risin and flourishin town of Slickville — is placed under the direction of the general and myself, and we propose detailing you to Italy to purchase some originals for our gallery, seein that you are a nafice artist yourself, and have more practical experience than most of our citizens. There is a .great aspiration among our free and enlightened youth for perfection, whether in the arts or sciences. Your expenses will be paid, and eight dollars a day while absent on this diplomacy. One thing, how- ever, do pray remember, don't bring any picturs that will evoke a blush on female cheeks, or cause vartue to stand afore 'em with iaverted eyes or indignant looks. The statues imported last year we |had to clothe, both male and female, from head to foot, for they ac- |tilly came stark naked, and were right down ondecent. One of my factory ladies went into fits on seein 'era, that lasted her a good hour ; she took Jupiter for a rael human, and said she thought she had got 'into a bathin room, among the men by mistake. Her narves re- .ceived a heavy shock, poor critter; she said she never would forget what she seed there the longest day she lived. So none o' your Poti- ;)har's vives, or Susannahs, or sleepin Venuses; such picturs are •epugnant to the liigh tone o'moral feelin in this countrv. 202 THE CLOCKMAKER. Oh Lord ! I thouglit I should have spUt ; I darsn't look up, for fear I should abust out alarfin in his face, to hear him talk so spooney about that are factory gall. Thinks I to myself, how delicate she is, ain't she! If a common marble statue threw her into fits, what would . And here he laughed so immoderately it was some time before he resumed intelligibly his story. Well, says he at last, if there is one thing I hate more nor another it is that cussed mock modesty some galls have, pretendin they don't know nothin. It always shows they know too much. Now, says his excellency, a pictur', Mr. Slick, may exhibit great skill and great beauty, and yet display very little flesh beyond the face and the hands. You apprehend me, don't you? A nod's as good as a wink, says I, to a blind horse; if I can't see thro' a ladder, I reckon I'lr not fit for that mission; and, says I, tho' I say it myself, thai shouldn't say it, I must say, I do account m^yself a considerable of a judge of these matters, — I won't turn my back on any one in my lint in the Union. I think so, said he; the alle — fjo — ry you gist show'c me displays taste, tact, and a consummate knowledge of the art Without genius there can be no invention, — no plot without skill and no character without the power of discrimination. I should lik to associate with you Ebenezer Peck, the Slickville Poet, in this di plomatic mission, if our funds authorise the exercise of this constitu tional power of the executive committee, for the fine arts are closel allied, Mr. Slick. Poetry is the music of words, music is the poetr of sounds, and paintin is the poetry of colors ; — what a sweet, ir terestin family they be, ain't they? We must locate, domesticate acclimate, and fraternate them among us. Conceivin an electiv governor of a free and enlightened people to rank afore an hereditar prince, I have given you letters of introduction to the ^?/ctalia princes and the Pope, and have offered to reciprocate their attentior should they visit Slickville. Farewell, my friend, farewell, and fa not to sustain the dignity of this great and enlightened nation abroa ■ — farewell 1 A very good man, the governor, and a genuwiwe patriot too, sa: Mr. Slick. He knowed a good deal about paintin, for he was a sigr painter by trade ; but he often used to wade out too deep, and got ovi his head now and then afore he knowed it. He war'nt the best swimmers neither, and sometimes I used to be scared to death f fear he'd go for it afore he'd touch bottom ag'in. Well, off I sot in vessel to Leghorn, and I laid out there three thousand dollars in pictur' Rum-lookin old cocks them saints, some on 'em too, with their loi; beards, bald heads, and hard featur's, bean't they ? but I got a lot f 'em of all sizes. I bought two madonnas, I think they call them' beautiful little picturs they were too, — but the^ child's legs were ' naked and ondecent, that to please the governor and his factory gal, ITALIAN PAINTINGS. 'iOi had an artist to paint trousers, and a |)airof lace boots on him, and icy look quite genteel now. It improved em aniazinly ; but the 'st o* the joke was those Macaroni rascals scein me a stranger, iu»ut:ht to do me nicely (most inlarnal cheats them dealers too, — walk i:ht into you afore you know where you be). The older a pictur ;is and the more it was blacked, so you couldn't see the figurs, the lore they axed for it; and they'd talk and jabber away about their ittyan tints and Ciuido airs by the hour. How soft we are, ain't we? |S| [lid I. Catch a weasel asleep, will you? Second-hand farniture don't <" 'lit our market. We want picturs, and not things that look a plaguy -;ht more like the shutters of an old smoke-house than paintins, mi 1 hope I may be shot if I didn't get bran new ones for half the rice they axed lor them rusty old vetrans. Our folks were well kased with the shipment, and I ought to be too, for I made a trifle in II' discount of fifteen percent, for comin down handsome with the l^h on the spot. Our Atheneum is worth seein, I tell you; you iin'l ditto it easy, I know; it's actilly a sight to behold. But I was agoin to tell you about the French court. Arter I closed II* consarn about the picturs, and shipped 'em olT in a Cape codder li lat was there, I fell in with some of our folks on their way to Lon- lii |on, where I had to go to afore I returned home; so, says I, s'pose li H hire a vessel in Co, and go by water to Marsailles ; we'll get on tin lister and considerable cheaper too, 1 calculate, than agoin by land. f iVell, we hired an Ei/eta\\ar\o to take us, and he was to find us in *l |ed, board, and liquor, and we paid him one-third in advance, to ilic jnable him to do it genteel ; but the everlastin villain, as soon as he te lot us out to sea, gave us no bed-clothes and nothin to eat, and we i ilmost perished with hunger and damp; so when we got to Mar- •^ iailles, Meo friendo, says I, for I had picked up a little i^^ctalian, !il jieo friendo, cumma longo alia courto, will you? and I took him by il llie scrufTof the neck and toated him into court. Where is de pappia? jIi jays a little skip-jack of a French judge, that was chock full of grins nd grimaces like a monkey arter a pinch of snufl', — where is de pap- 0^! |ia? So I handed him up the pappia signed by the master, and then jj iroved how he cheated us. No sooner said than done, Mount Shear }l( bullfrog gave the case in our favour in two twos, said £?/6'taliano had [d lot too much already, cut him olTthe other two thirds, and made him ,ll jay all costs. If he didn't look bumsquabbled it's a pity. It took the ^1 just oir of him pretty slick, you may depend. i^ ) Begar, he says to the skipper, you keep de bargain next time ; yon l,{ ion very grand damne rogue, and he shook his head and grinned like ,1 I crocodile, from ear to ear, all mouth and teeth. You may depend, lu I warn't long at Marsailles arter that. I cut stick and ofT, hot foot •JJ ;or the channel, without stopping to water the horses or liquor the 5 jlrivers, for fear j^yctaliano would walk into my ribs with his stiletto 204 THE CLOCKMAKEK for he was as savage as a white bear afore breakfast. Yes, our cour move too slow. It was that ruinated Expected Thorne. The fir time he was taken up and sent to jail, he was as innocent as child, but they kept him there so long afore his trial, it broke h spirits, and broke his pride, — and he came out as wicked as a devi The great secret is sjyeed// Justice. We have too much machinery i our courts, and I don't see but what we prize juries beyond their rai valy. One half the time with us they don't onderstand a thing, an the other half they are prejudiced. True, said I, but they are a gre; safeguard to liberty, and indeed the only one in all cases between iY government and the people. The executive can never tyrannise whei they cannot convict, and juries never lend themselves to oppressioi Tho' a corrupt minister may appoint corrupt judges, he can neY( corrupt a whole people. Well, said he, far be it from me to sa they are no use, because I know and feel that they be in sartain cas( most invaluable, but I mean to say that they are only a drag on bi siness, and an expensive one too, one half the time. I want no bett( tribunal to try me or my cases than our supreme judges to Wasl ington, and all I would ax is a resarved right to have a jury when call for one. That right I never would yield, but that is all I wou ax. You can see how the lawyers valy each by the way they ta' to *em. To the court they are as cool as cucumbers, — dry argumen sound reasonin, an application to judgment. To the jury, all fi: and tow and declamations, — all to the passions, prejudices, and fee ins. The one they try to convince, they try to do the other. never heerd tell of judges chalkin. 1 know brother Josiah tl lawyer thinks so too. Says he to me once, Sam, says he, they aic suited to the times now in all cases, and are only needed occasionall When juries first came into vogue there were no judges, but thede\ of it is when public opinion runs all one way, in this country y( might just as well try to swim up Niagara as to go for to stem it,- it will roll you over and over, and squash you to death at last. Y< may say what you like here, Sam, but other folks may do what thi like here too. Many a man has had a goose's jacket lined with t here, that he never bought at the tailor's, and a tight fit it is too, co siderin its made without measurin. So as I'm for Congress somed. or another, why, I gist fall to and flatter the people by chimin in wi them. I get up on a stump, or the top of a whiskey barrel, and ta as big as, any on 'em about that birth-right — that sheet anchor, th mainstay, t^t blessed shield, that glorious institution — the rich mat terror, the poor man's hope, the people's pride, the nation's glory- Trial hy Jury. SHAMPOOING THE i:\c;M.S|l 205 1 CllAPTEU XLV. SHAMPOOING THE ENGLISH. , DiGBY is a cliarming little town. It is the Brighton of Nova Scotia, ,he resort of the Aaleludinarians of New Brunswick, who taiio refuge lere from the unrelenting fogs, hopeless sterility, and calcareous ikaters of St. John. About as pretty a location this for business, said lie Clot kniaker, as I know on in this country. Digby is the only iafe harbour from Blowmedown to Briar Island. Then there is |liat everlastin long river runnin away up from the wharfs hero jlmost across to Minas Basin, bordered with dikes and interval, and jacked up by good upland. A nice, dry, pleasant place for a town, I'ith good water, good air, and the best herrin fishery in America, |Ut it wants one thing to make it go ahead. And pray what is that? i .lid I, for it appears to me to have every natural advantage that can j « desired. It wants to be made a free port, said he. They ought ; ,) send a delegate to England about it; but the fact is, they don't , jnderstand di|)lomary here, nor the English either. They hav'n't i j3t no talents that way. I j I guess we may stump the univarse in that line. Our statesmen, Ij . consait, do onderstand it. They go about so beautiful, tack so well, jjj 'ill so close by the w ind, make so little lee-way, shoot ahead so fast, jl j:aw so little water, keep the lead agoin constant, and a bright look- jit a -head always; it's very seldom you hear o' them runnin / |;round, I {qWijou. Hardly anything they take in hand they don't I jicceed in. How glib they are in the tongue too! how they do lay , , the soft sawder 1 They do rub John Bull down so pretty, it does ', 'jie good to see 'em: they pat him on the back, and stroke him on ' , |e cheek, and coax and wheedle and flatter, till they gist get what ,|j ley like out of him; not a word of a threat to hhn tho', for they J jiow it won't do. He'd as soon fight as eat his dinner, and sooner , jO, but they tickle him, as the boys at Cape Ann sarve the bladder . ]ih. There's a fish comes ashore there at ebb tide, that the boys . ^tch and tickle, and the more they tickle him the more he fills with , jind. Well, he gets blowed up as full as he can hold, and then they ' I jst turn him up and give him a crack across the belly with a stick, ' .idolfhe goes like a i)op-gun, and then all the little critters run " ^)opin and hallowin like ravin distracted mad, — so pleased with ^'' ilin the old fish. There are no people in the univarsal world so eloquent asthe Ame. / cans; they beat the ancients all hollor; and wlien our diplomatists > for to talk it into the British, they do it so pretty, it's a sight to '206 THE CLOCKMAKER. behold. Descended, they say, from a common stock, havin oxn common language, and a communitf/ of interests , they cannot bu hope for justice from a power distinguished alike for its honour anc its generosity. Indebted to them for the spirit of liberty they enjoy ■ — for their laws, literature, and religion, — they feel more like allie than aliens, and more like relatives than either. Though unfortu- nate occurrences may have drawn them asunder, with that frank- ness and generosity peculiar to a brave and generous people, botl nations have now forgotten and forgiven the past, audit is the duty an. the interest of each to cultivate these amicable relations, nowsohappil existing, and to draw closer those bonds which unite two people es sentially the same in habits and feelings. Though years have rolle by since they left the paternal roof, and the ocean divides them, ye they cannot but look back at the home beyond the waters with grateful remembrance, — with veneration and respect. Now that's what I call dictionary, said the Glockmaker. It's splet did penmanship, aint it? When John Adams was minister at t\ Court of St. Jimes's, how his weak eye would have sarved him a'ul terin of this galbanum, wouldn't it ? He'd turn round to hide emotioi draw forth his handkerchief and wipe off a manly tear of genuwi? feelin. It is easy enough to stand a woman's tears, for they we( like children, everlastin sun showers: they cry as bad as if th( used a chestnut burr for an eyestone; but to see the tear drawn fro the starn natur of man, startin at the biddin of generous feeli there's no standin that. Oh dear! how John Bull swallers this S(, sawder, don't he? I think I see him astandin with his hands inh trousers-pockets, alookin as big as all outdoors, and as sour as cid' sot out in the sun for vinegar. At first he looks suspicious and sulk, and then one haughty frown relaxes, and then another, and so (, till all starn ness is gone, and his whole face wears one great ber- volent expression, like a full moon, till you can eye him withd winkin, and lookin about as intelligent all the time as a skim mi cheese. Arter his stare is gone, a kind o' look comes over his faces if he thought, Well, now, this d— — d Yankey sees his error at la, and no mistake; that comes o' that good lickin I gave him last w : there's nothin like fightin things out. The critter seems hume enough now tho' ; give me your fist, Jonathan, my boy, says 1 ; don't look so cussed dismal : what is it? Oh, nothin, says our diplomatist; a mere trifle, and he trie: lo look as onconsarned as possible all the time ; nothin but what yir sense of justice, for which you arc always distinguished, will grat; i a little strip of land, half fog half bog, atween the State of Maine id I New Brunswick; it's nothin but wood, water, and snakes, andio bigger than Scotland. Take it, and say no more about it, says Jon; I hope it will be accepted as a proof of my regard. I don't tlik SHAMPOOING Till-: ENGLISH. 207 lliin ol half a colony. And then whon onr chap gets home to the I'-iicletit, don't he say, as Expected Thome did of the Blue-nose ly, ' Dithi'f I do lii))i pretti/ .^ cuss //////, llutf s all.' I'hen he takes Mount-Sheer on another tack. He desires to cx- oss the gratitude of a free and enlightened i)eople to the French, J, ,-their first ally, their dearest friend, — for enablin llieni, under I .ovidence, to lay the foundation-stone of their country. They never II forget how kindly, how disintercstecUy, they slept in to aid their 1 Jant struggles, — to assist them to resist the unnatural tyranny of I jogland, who, while afl'ectin to protect liberty abroad, was enslavin \ ,;r children to home. Nothin but the purest foelin, unalloyed by II ^ly jealousy of England, dictated that step; it emanated from a i( vrtuous indignation at seein the strong oppress the weak, — from a H ve of constitutional freedom, — from pure philanthropy. IIow ''eply is seated in American breasts a veneration of the French laracter ! how they admire their sincerity, — their good faith, — their i ability! Well may they be called the Grand Nation! Religious, It i)t bigoted — brave, not rash — dignified, not volatile — great, yet not gi jiin! Magnanimous in success, — cheerful and resolved under re- in prses, — they form the beau-ideal to American youth, who are p [ught, in their first lessons, to emulate, and imitate, and venerate jl lie virtues of their character ! Don't it run off the tongue like oil? [j pft and slick, ain't it pretty talk? \ j Lord! how Mount-Sheer skips, and hops, and bows, and smirks I jhen he hears that are, don't he? lIow he claps his hand upon his l„ jeart, and makes faces like a monkey that's got a pain in his side ^j, jom swallowin a nut without crackin it. AVith all other folks, but j, |iese great powers, it's a very dilTerent tune they sing. They make 1, jiort metre with them little powers; they never take the trouble to ilj jilk much ; they gist make their demands, and ax them for their ^ jnswer, right off the reel. If they say, let us hear your reasons? :. I'h ! by all means, says our diplomatist, just come along with me ; li .nd he takes the minister under his arm, walks lock and lock with I lim down to the harbour, claps him aboard a barge, and rows him off J, )one of our little hundred gun sloops of war. Pretty little sloop o' u ,'ar, that of ourn, I reckon, ain't it? says he. Ohl very pretty, J jCry pretty, indeed, says foreigner; but if that be your little sloop, ' '^hat must be your great hk/ man'-o'-war? That's just what I was . jgoin for to say, says Jonathan, — a Leviathan, a Mammoth, blow ,, :I1 creation to atoms a'most, like a hurricane tipt with lightning, and ji^ jhen he looks up to the captain and nods. Says he, captain, I |Uess you may run out your guns, and he runs them out as quick as j.ink. These are my reasons, says Jonathan, and i)retty strong ar- juments too, I guess; that's what I call shewin our teeth; and now jou, mister, with a d ii hard name, your answer, if you please 208 THE CLOCKMAKER. You don't understand us, I see, foreigner; we got chaps in on country, that can stand on one side of the Mississippi, and kill racoon on t'other side, with a sneeze, — rigular ring-tail roarers ^ don't provoke us; it wouldn't be over safe, I assure you. We ca out-talk thunder, out-run a flash of lightnin, and out-reach all th world — we can whip our weight of wild cats. The British can lie all the world, and we can lick the British. I believe, says he, an he claps his name to the treaty in no time. We made these seconc class gentry shell out a considerable of cash, those few years past, o one excuse or another, and frightened some on them, as the nake statue did the factory gall, into fits a'most. But the English we hav to soft sawder, for they've got little sloops of war, too, as well asw have ; and not only shew their teeth, but bite like bull-dogs. W shampoo them, — you know what shampooing is, squire, dont you It is an Eastern custom, I think, said I : I have heard of it, but do not retain a very distinct recollection of the practice. Well, sai the Clockmaker, I estimate I ought to know what it means an how? for I came plaguy nigh losin my life by it once. AVhen was gist twenty years old, 1 took it into my head I'd like to go to se; — so father got me a berth of supercargo of a whaler at New Bedfori and away we went arter sperm; an amazin long voyage we had i it too — gone nearly three years. Well, we put into Sandwich Islar for refreshments; and says the captain, 'Spose we go and call on tl queen 1 So all us cabin party went, and dressed ourselves up fu fig, and were introduced in due form to the young queen. Well, si was a rael, right-down, pretty lookin heifer, and no mistake; wel dressed and well demeaned, and a plaguy sight clearer skin'd the some white folks — for they bathe every day a'most. Where you see. one piece of furniture better than her, you'll see fifty wors ones, / know. What is your father, Mr Shleek? says she. A prince, marm, sa I. And his'n ugly man's? says she, p'intin to the captain. Aprin too, said I, and all his party are princes; fathers all sovereigns' home, — no bigger men than them, neither there nor any where el) in the univarsal world. Then, said she, you all dine wid me to-da me proud to have de prinches to my table. If she didn't give us a rigular blow-out, it's a pity, and the whole i us were more than half-seas over; for my part, the hot mulled wi) actilly made me feel like a prince, and what put me in tip-top spir? was the idea of the hoax I played off on her about our bein prince; and then my rosy cheeks and youth pleased her fancy, so that she \>5 uncommon civil to me — talked to no one else a'most. Well, whi we rose from table (for she stayed there till the wine made her ej? twinkle ag'in), prince Shleek, said she, atakin o' my hand, and pi- tin her saucy Httle mug close up to me (and she raelly did look pretl, SHAMPOOING THE ENGLISH. 201 ' 11 smilosanil swoolnoss), Princo Slilook, will you have ono sliampoo? aid she. A sluimpoo? said I ; to be sure I will, and thank you too ; ' oti are gist the girl I'd like to shampoo, and I dapt my arms round iiT neck, and gave her a buss that made all ring again. What the li'vil are you a( ? said the captain, and he seized me round the waist 'iiul lugged me oiT. Do you want to lose your head, you fool, you? 'aid he: you've carried this joke too far already, without this romp- II — go aboard. It was lucky for me she had a wee drop in her eye jerself — lor arter the first scream she larfed ready to split ; says she, 'Vo kissy, no kissy — shampoo is shampoo, but kissy is anoder ting. 'I'he noise brought the sarvants in, and says the queen, p'intin to , 'ne, 'shampoo him' — and they up with me, and into another room, ' 'md before I could say Jack Robinson, oft' went my clothes, and I \as 'getting shampoo'd in airnest. It is done by a gentle pressure, nid rubbin all over the body with the hand; it is delightful — that's ia fact, and I was soon asleep. ' I was pretty well corned that artcrnoon, but still I knew what I was about; and recollected when I awoke the whisper of the captain lit parlin — 'Mind your eye, Slick, if ever you want to see Cape Cod 'jg'in.' So, airly next mornin. while it was quite moony yet, I went liboard, and the captain soon put to sea, but not before there came a {boat-load of pigs and two bullocks off to ' Prince Shleek.' So our ' Ijiplomatists shampoo the English, and put 'em to sleep. How beau- "1 .'[iful they shampoo'd them in the fishery story. It was agreed we 'was to fish within three leagues of the coast ; but then, says Jonathan, I' jsvood and water, you know, and shelter, when it blows like great l^uns, are rights of hospitality. You wouldn't refuse us a port in a '' l;torm, w^ould you? so noble, so humane, so liberal, so confidin as " you be. Certainly not, says John Bull ; it would be inhuman to re- use either shelter, wood, or water. Well, then, if there was are a ^ |?nug little cove not settled, disarted like, would you have any objec- f lion to our dryin our fish there? — they might spile, you know, so far ? ^'rom home; — a little act of kindness like, that would bind us to you ■" jbr ever and ever, and amen. Certainly, says John, it's very rea- ^ Ijonable that — you are perfectly welcome — happy to oblige you. It i^'as all we wanted, an excuse for enterin, and now we are in and out ^ Ixhen we please and smuggle like all vengeance: got the whole trade !^" jind the wliole fishery. It was splendidly done, warn't it? If ! Well, then, we did manage the boundary line capitally too. We * know we haven't got no title to that land — it wasri t given to us hy * 'he treaty, audit warnt in our possession when ive declared indepen- 1* ^lencc or made pteare . But our maxim is, it is better to get things by !" Ireaty than by war; it is more Christian-like, and more intellectual. i'' To gain that land, we asked the navigation of the St. Lawrence and f he St. John, w hich we knew would never be granted ; but then it 14 1 210 THE CLOCKMAKEK. gave us somethin to concede on our part, and brag on as liberal, and i is nateral and right for the English to concede on th ir side somethir too, — so they will concede the disputed territory. Ah, squire, said he, your countrymen may have a good heart, anc I believe they have; indeed, it would be strange if a full puss didn' make a full heart ; but they have a most plaguy poor head, that's ; fact. — This was rather too bad. To be first imposed upon and Ihei ridiculed, was paying rather too heavy a penalty for either negligenc( or ignorance. There was unhappily too much truth in the remarl for me to join in the laugh. If your diplomatists, said I, have in om or two instances been successful by departing from the plain intel- ligible path, and resorting to flattery and cunning (arts in which regret to say diplomatists of all nations are too apt to indulge), it is ; course which carries its own cure ; and, by raising suspicion and dis- trust, will hereafter impose difficulties in their way even when thei objects are legitimate and just. I should have thought that the lessoi read on a celebrated occasion (which you doubtless remember) b; Mr. Canning, would have dictated the necessity of caution for thi future. Recollect that confidence once withdrawn is seldom restore again. You have, however, omitted to state your policy wit) Russia. — Oh! said he, Old Nick in the North is sarved in the sam way. Excuse me, said I (for I felt piqued), but if you will permit me will suggest some observations to you relative to Russia that may nc have occurred to you. Your diplomatists might address the Empero thus : May it please your Majesty, there is an astonishing resemblanc between our two countries ; in fact there is little or no diflerence ex ccpt in name, — the same cast of countenance, same family likeness same Tartar propensity jto change abode. All extremes meet. Yo take off folk's heads without law, so do our mobs. You send fellow to Siberia, our mobs send them to the devil. No power on airth ca restrain you, no power on airth can restrain our mobs. You mak laws and break 'em as suits your convenience, so do our lyncher; You don't allow any one to sport opinions you don't hold, or you stiC them and their opinions too. It's just so with us ; our folks forbid a talkin about niggers ; and if a man forgets himself, he is reminded < it by his head supportin his body instead of his heels. You ha^ got a liquorish mouth for fartile lands beyond your borders, so ha^ we ; and yet both have got more land than tenants. You fomei troubles among your neighbour's, and then step in to keep the peaci and hold possession when you get there, so do we. You are a gre. slave holder, so are we. Folks accuse you of stealin Poland, tl samelibeilin villains accuse us of stealin Texas, and a desire to haA Canada too ; and yet the one is as much without foundation as tl other. You plant colonies in Tartar lands, and then drive out tl: SHAMPOOINC THE ENGLISH. 211 ))wners : we sarve the Indian* the same way. You have extarmi- lated some of your enemies, we've extarminated some of ourn. Some oiks say your em|)ire will split to pieces— it's too big; the identical ;ame prophecy they make of us, and one is just ab«ut as likely as tlie i)ther. Every man in Russia must bow to the pictur of his Emperor; livery man must bow to the pictur of our great nation, and swear hrough thick and thin he admires it more nor any thing on the face )f the airth. E\ery man in Russia may say what he likcis if Iw dare, io he may in the /^^ -nited States. If foreign newspapers abusin I*o- ish matters get into the Russian mail, the mail is broken open and I hey are taken out : if abolition papers get into the Southern mail, our oiks break open the bags and burn 'em, as they did at Charleston. , iFhe Law institutes no en(|uiries in your dominions as to your acts I |)f execution, spoliation, and exile; neither is there any inquest I jivilh us on similar acts of our mobs. There is no freedom of the press I i.vith you, neither is there with us. If a paper ofTends you, you stop (i |t: if it oll'ends our sovereigns, they break the machinery, gut the il iiouse, and throw the types into ttie street ; and if the printer escapes, D oe may thank God for giving him a good pair of legs. In short, they I nay say to him — it's generally allowed the freedom of one country g iS as like the despotism of the other as two peas — no soul could tell the llfference; and therefore there ought to be an actual as there is a na- } >ural alliance between us. And then the cunnin critters, if they catch ),i ;um alone where they won't be overheard, they may soft^sawder him, m oy tellin him they never knew before the blessin of haviu only one itii lyrant instead of a thousand, and that it is an amendment they in- i(,i ,ended to propose to the censtitution when they return home, and ^^{11 jiope they'll yet live to see it. From this specimen, you may easily ; 1 perceive that it requires no great penetration or ability to deceive (jIi I'.ven an acute observer whenever recourse is had to imagination for ifll, he facts. How far this parallel holds good I leave you to judge; I )„g jlesire to olTer you no olTence, but I wish you to understand that all udi |he world are not in love with your republican institutions or your jjij ;>eople, and that both are better understood than you seem to suppose. [jjjj i»Vell, well, says he, I didn't mean to ryle you, I do assure you; bub jlulj jf you hav'n't made a good story out of a Southern mob or two, , j, |ieither of which are half as bad as your Bristol riot or Irish frays, jj^ it's a pity. Arter all, said he, I don't know whether it wouldn't com- '|j ,K)rt more with our dignity to go strait ahead. I believe it's in y^o- , ^ jitics as in other matters, }oo7iesty is thchcst policif, ilati' ' 'etoli • 212 THE CLOCKMAKER. CHAPTER XLVI. PLTTING A FOOT IN IT. One amusing trait in the Clockmaker's character was his love c contradiction. If you suggested any objection to the American go vernment he immediately put himself on the defensive; and if har pressed, extricated himself by changing the topic. At the same tim he would seldom allow me to pass a eulogy upon it without afTectin to consider the praise as misapplied, and as another instance of ' ou not understanding them.' In the course of our conversation I hap pened to observe that the American government was certainly a ver cheap one; and that the economy practised in the expenditure of th public revenue, tho' in some instances carried so far as to border o meanness, was certainly a very just subject of national pride. Ah said he, I always said, * you don't understand us.' Now it happen that this is one of the few things, if you were only availed of it, the you could fault us in. It is about the most costly government in tli world, considering our means. We are actilly eat up by it — it is most plaguy sore, and has spread so like statiee that it has got its ro( into the very core. Cheap government! — well, come, that beats all ! I should hke to know, said I, how you can make that appear, ft the salaries paid to your public officers are not only small, but ab solutely mean; and, in my opinion, wholly inadequate to procure th services of thcr best and most efficient men. Well, said he, whic costs most, to keep one good horse well, or half a dozen poor on( ill, or to keep ten rael complete good servants, or fifty lazy, idle, do nothin critters? because that's gist our case, — we have too manyi 'em all together. We have twenty-four independent states, besic the general government; we have therefore twenty-five president twenty-five secretaries of state, twenty-five treasurers, twenty-fi) senates, twenty-five houses of representatives, and fifty attorney gi nerals, and all our legislators are paid, every soul of 'em ; and so ai our magistrates, for they all take fees and seek the office for pay, i that we have as many paid legislators as soldiers, and as many judgi of all sorts and sizes as sailors in our navy. Put all these expens( together, of state government, and general government, and seewh an awful sum it comes to, and then tell me it's a cheap goven ment. True, said I, but you have not that enormous item ofe> penditure known in England under the name of half pay. We ha^ more officers of the navy on half pay than you have in your navy a PUTTING A FOOT IN IT. '2 IS I logethor. So miirli (ho hotter lor you, says ho, for oiirn arc all on full )ay, and when thoy ain't oinployed wo sot 'oni down as absent on leave. iViiich costs the most, do you suppose? That comes of not callin hint;s liy their riuht names, you see. Our folks know this, but our >o|)ularify sookin patriots have all their own interest in multiplyin hose ollicos; yes, our lolks have put their fool in it; that's a fact. Ihey cling to it as the bear did to Jack Foglor's mill-saw, and 1 guess I it will sarvc them the same way. Did I never tell you that are story? I jor I'm most afeard sometimes I've got father's fashion of tellin my 'I itories over twice. No, said I, it is new to me; I have never heard il. Well says he, I will tell you how it was. if i Jack Fogler lives to Nictau-road, and he keeps a saw-mill and '! iavern ; he's a sneezer that feller; he's near hand to seven feet high, [\ jvith shoulders as broad as a barn-door; he is a giant, that's a fact, II jnd can twitch a mill-log as easy as a yoke of oxen can — nothiii j |iever stops him. But that's not all, for I've seen a man as bi^ as jg 'ill out doors afore him; but he has a foot that beats all — folks call jiim the man with the foot. The first time I seed him I could not 11 |keep my eyes otT of it. I actilly could not think of any thing else. tl j'Vell, says I, Jack, your foot is a whopper, that's a fact; I never ill jOed the beat of that in all my born days, — it boats Gasper Zwicher's I jll holler, and his is so big, folks say he has to haul his trousers on 1^1 jver his head. Yes, says he, lawyer Yule says it passes all uiider- jj \tandin. Well, he has a darter most as big as he is, but for all that ,j Ihe is near about as pretty a gall as I ever laid eyes on, but she has iij. jier father's foot; and, poor thing, she can't hear to hear tell of it. ,„ I mind once when I came there, there was no one to home, and I ^ ]iad to see to old Clay myself; and arter I had done, I went in and J, |Otdown by the lire and lighted a cigar. Arter a while in come Lucy, IK, poking pretty tired. Why, said I, Lucy, dear, whereon airth have J jou been ? you look pretty well beat out. Why, says she, the bears u jre plaguy thick this while past, and have killed some of our sheep, ■ij |0 1 wont to the woods to drive the llock home ag'in night-fall, and, u ggs! I lost my way. I've been gone ever so long, and I don't know ' js I'd even afound my way out ag'in, if I hadn't a met Bill Zink i' jlookin up his sheep, and he shewed me the way out. j Thinks I to myself, let the galls alone for an excuse; I see how V, [he cat jun)ps. Well, says I, Lucy, you are about the luckiest gall I . jver seed. Possible, says she; — how's that? Why, says I, many's ^ jhe gall I've known that's lost her way with a sweetheart afore now, jnd got on the w rong track ; but you're the first one ever I seed that 'l /ot put on the right way by one, any how . Well, slic larfod, and Il .ays she, you men always suspect evil; it shows how bad you nuist , |»e yourselves. Perhaps it may be so, says I, but mind your eye, ' md lake care you dont put your foot in it. She looked at me the 214 THE CLOCKMAKER, matter of a minute or so without sayin a word, and then burst out acryin. She said, if she had such an awful big foot, it warn't her fault, and it was very onkind to larf at it to her face — that way. Well, I felt proper sorry too, you may depend, for I vow she was so oncommon handsom, I had never noticed that big foot of hern till then. 1 had hardly got her pacified when in come Jack, with two halves of a bear, and threw 'em down on the floor, and larfed ready to kill himself. I never see the beat o' that, said he, since I was raised from a seedlin. I never see a feller so taken in in all my life — that's a fact. Why, says I, what is it? It was some time afore he could speak ag'in for larfin — for Jack was considerable in the wind, pretty nearly half shaved. At last, says he, you know my failin, Mr. Slick : I like a drop of grog better than it likes me. Well, when the last rain came, and the brook was pretty consider- able full, I kag'd for a month (that is, said the Clockmaker, he had taken an oath to abstain from drawing liquor from the keg — they calls it kaggin), and my kag was out to-day at twelve o'clock. Well, I had just got a log on the ways when the sun was on the twelve o'clock line, so I stops the mill and takes out my dinner, and sets it down on the log, and then runs up to the house to draw ofT a bottle of rum. When I returtied, and was just about to enter the mill, what should I see but that are bear asittin on the pine stick in the mill aeatin of my dinner, so I gisf backs out, takes a good swig out of the bottle, and lays it down, to run off home for the gun, when, says I to myself, says I, he'll make a plaguy sight shorter w^ork of that are dinner than I would, and when he's done he'll not wait to wipe his mouth with the towel neither. May be he'll be gone afore I gets back, so I gist crawls under the mill — pokes up a stick thro' the j'ice, and starts the plug, and sets the mill agoin. Well, the motior was so easy, and he was so busy, he never moves, and arter a litth the saw just gives him a scratch on the back; well, he growls anc shoves forward a bit on his rump; presently it gives him anothei scratch, with that he wheels short round and lays right hold of it, anc fives it a most devil of a hug with his paws, and afore he knower what he was about it pinned him down and sawed him right in two he squelin and kickin and singin out like a good feller the whol' Llessed time. Thinks /, he put his foot in it, that feller, any how Yes, our folks have put their foot in it; a cheap article ain always the best; if you want a rael right down first chop, o^enuwhi thing, you must pay for it. Talent and integrity ain't such comnio things anywhere, that they are to be had for half nothin. A ma that has them two things can go a-head anywhere, and if you war him to give up his own consarns to see arter those of the public, an don't give him the fair market price for 'em, he is plaguy apt lo pi his integrity in his pocket, and put his talents to usury. What b li PUTTING A FOOT IN IT. 'iVb jloses one way hf makes up another; if lie can't get ihuit of his pay, .he takes it out of panjuesitcs, johs, patronage, or somothin or an- pther. Folks won't sarve tlio pubUr for nothin, no more than Ihey itvill each oth<>r free-gratis. An lionest man won't take olTice, if it jkvon't support Ijim properly, hut a dishonest one will, 'cause he won't (Stand about trifles, but goes the whole figur— 'and where you have a i^ood many such critters as public sarvants — why, a little slij) of the Den or trip of the foot, ain't thought nothin of, and the tone of |)ublic I'eelin is lowered, till at last folks judge of a man's dishonesty by the I jcuteness of it. If the slight-o'-hand ain't well done, they say, when i !ie is detected, he is a fool — cuss him it sarves him right ; but if it is ilone so slick that you can't hardly see it even when it's done afore pOur eyes, people say, a fine bold stroke that — splendid business alent — that man — considerable powers — a risin character, — eend by >('in a great man in the long run. , Vou recollect the story of the quaker and his insurance, don't you? I jie had a vessel to sea that he hadn't heerd of for a considerable 'ime, and he was most plaguily afeerd she had gone for it; so he (lit an order to his broker to insure her. Well, next day he larnt i or sartain that she was lost, so what does he do but writes to his i itroker, as if he meant to save the premium by recallin the order: I thee hast not insured, thee need'st not do it, esteemed friend, for ; I have heerd of the vessel. The broker, thinkin it would be all It ileargain, falls right into the trap; tells him his letter came too late, ti or he had elTected the insurance half an hour afore it arrived. ti ferily, I am sorry for thee, friend, said the quaker, if that be the II jase, for a heavy loss will fall on thee; of a sartainty I have heerd of (I jie vessel, but she is lost. Now that was what I call handsom ; it m^ |howed great talents that, and a knowledge of human natur and ll pit sawder. ilii i I thought, said I, that your annual parliaments, universal suffrage, ^ jud system of rotation of ollice, had a tendency to prevent corruption, ll ly removing the means ant! the opportunity to any extent. Well, it jm I'ould, perhaps, to a certain point, said the Clockmaker, if you knew {,^ |here that point was, and could stop there; but wherever it is, I ,^ im afeerd we have passed it. Annual parliaments bring in so many ij^ ftw hands every year, that they are gist like pawns in the game of ii ^less, only fit for tools to move about and count while the game is J, jlayed by the bigger ones. They get so puzzled — the critters, with ^ \\c forms o' the house, that they put me in mind of a feller standin ,j p for the lir.st time in a (juadrille. One tells him to cross over here, (id afore he gets there another calls him back ag'in ; one pushes him It the right, and another to the left; he runs ag'in every body, and ery body runs ag'in him ; he treads on the heels of the galls, and kes their skin and their shoes oil", and thev tread on his toes, and «« •?1() THE CLOCKMAKER. return the compliment to his corns ; he is no good in natur, except to bother folks and put them out. The old hands that have been there afore, and cut their eye-teeth, know how to bam these critters, and make 'em believe the moon is made of green cheese. That gives great power to the master movers, and they are enabled to spikelate handsum in land stock, bank stock, or any other corporate stock, for they can raise or depress the article gist as they please by legislative action. There was a grand legislative speck made not long since, called the pre-emption speck. A law was passed, that all who had settled on government lands without title, should have a right of pre- emption at a very reduced price, below common upset sum, if appli- cation was made on a particular day. The jobbers watched the la\< very sharp, and the moment it passed, off they sot with their gang; of men and a magistrate, camped out all night on the wild land made the affidavits of settlement, and run on till they went ovei a'most — a deuce of a tract of country, that was all picked out afore hand for them ; then returned their affidavits to the office, got thi land at pre-emption rate, and turned right round and sold it a market price — pocketed the difference — and netted a most handsuo thing by the spec. Them pet banks was another splendid affair ; it deluged the lan^ with corruption that, — it was too bad to think on. When the govern ment is in the many, as with us, and rotation of office is the orde of the day, there is a nateral tendency to multiply offices, so the every one can get his share of 'em, and it increases expenses, breed office-seekers, and corrupts the whole mass. It is in pohtics as i farmin, — one large farm is worked at much less expense and muc greater profit, and is better in many ways, than half a dozen sraa ones ; and the head farmer is a more 'sponsible man, and better I do in the world, and more influence than the small fry. Things ai better done too on Ms farm — the tools are better : the teams ai better, and the crops are better : it's better altogether. Our firs rate men ain't in politics with us. It don't pay 'em, and they wor go thro' the mill for it. Our principle is to consider all public m( rogues, and to watch 'em well that they keep straight. Well, I air jist altogether certified that this don't help to make 'em rogue where there is no confidence, there can he no honesty ; locks and ke are good things, but if you can't never trust a sarvant with a key !: don't think the better of his master for all his suspicions, and i plaguy apt to get a key of his own. Then they do get such a drill thr the press, that no man that thinks any great shakes of himself Ci; stand it. A feller must have a hide as thick as a bull's to bear ii the lashing our public men get the whole blessed time, and if > can bear it without winkin, it's more perhaps than his family ca , PUTTINC. A FOOT IN IT. ^17 i here's nothin in ofTicc that's worth it. So our best men ain't in nice — they can't suhniit to it. I knew a judge of the state court of New York, a first chop man oo, give it up, and take the oirice of clerk in the identical same court, lie said he couldn't alTord to be a judge ; it was only them who ''ouldn't make a livin by their practice that it would suit. No, i|iiire, it would l)e a long story to go through the whole thing; but ,.\e ain't the cheapest government in the world,— that's a fact. When lyou come to visit us and go deep into the matter, and see general ,:?overnmentand state government, and local taxes and gineral taxes, iillhough the items are small, the sum total is a' most a swingin large jjne, I tell you. You take a shop account, and read it over. Well, jihe thing appears reasonable enough, and cheap enough ; but if you jhave been arunnin in and out pretty often, and goin the whole "figur, add it up to the bottom, and if it don't make you stare and look jcorner ways, it's a pity, I What made me first of all think o' these things, was seein how they got on in the colonies : why, the critters don't pay no taxes at A lall a'most — they actilly don't desarve the name o' taxes. They 'don't know how well they're o(T — that's sartin. I mind when I fj (Used to be agrumblin to home when I was a body about knee high OK jto a goose or so, father used to say, Sam, if you want to know how 5 itovaly home, you should go abroad for a while among strangers. ill |It ain't all gold that glitters, my boy. You'd soon find out what a Itt (nice home you've got ; for mind what I tell you, home is home. If {however homely, — that's a fact. These Blue-noses ought to be jist , [Sent away from home a little while; if they w^ere, when they returned, , jl guess, they'd larn how to valy their location. It's a lawful colony ^j jthis, — things do go on rig'lar, — a feller can rely on law here to de- j, jfend his property, — he needn't do as I seed a squatter to Ohio do '^ ,once. I had sloj)t at his house one day to bail my horse ; and in J jthe course of conversation about matters and things in gineral, says , (I, What's your title? is it from government or purchased from set- ,, jtlers?— I'll tell you, Mr. Slick, he says, what my title is, — and he I, jwentin and took his rifle down and brought it to the door. Do you g jSee that are hen, said he, with the topknot on, afeedin by the fence I'j jthere? — Yes, says I, I do. — Well, says he, see that; and he put a ^ jball right through the head of it. That, said he, I reckon is my jj jtitle ; and that's the way I'll sarveany tarnation scoundrel that goes J jfor to meddle with it. Says I, if that's your title, depend on it you j, jwon'thave many fellers troublin you with claims. — I rather guess J iHot, said he, larfin; and the lawyers won't be over forrard to buy j jsuch claims on spekilation, — and he wiped his rifle, reloaded her, and J jhung her upag'in. There's nothin of that kind here. But as touchin the matter o' cheap government, why, it's as well 218 THE CLOCKMAKER. as not for our folks to holdout that ourn is so; but the truth is, atween you and me, though I wouldn't like you to let on to any ont I said so, the truth is, somehow or another, weve put our foot in i — that's a fact. CHAPTER XLVII. ENGLISH ARISTOCRACY AND YANKEE MOBOCRACY. When we have taken our tower, said the Clockraaker, I estimate I will return to the ^-nited States for good and all. You had oughl to visit our great nation, you may depend : it's the most splendid location atv/een the poles. History can't show nothin like it : yoi might bile all creation down to an essence, and not get such a concrett as New England. It's a sight to behold twelve millions of free anc enlightened citizens, and I guess we shall have all these provinces; and all South America. There is no eend to us; old Rome, that folks made such a touss about, was nothin to us — it warn't fit to hold i candle to our federal government, — that's a fact. I intend, saic T, to do so before I go to Europe, and may perhaps avail myself o your kind offer to accompany me. Is an Englishman well received in your country now? Well, he is now, said Mr. Slick ; the lasi war did that; we licked the British into a respect for us : and if il warn't that they are so plaguy jealous of our factories, and so invyus of our freedom, I guess we should be considerable sociable, but the^ can't stomach our glorious institutions no how. They don t under- stand us. Father and our minister used to have great arguments about the British. Father hated them like pyson, as most of oui revolutionary heroes did; but minister used to stand up for 'em con- siderable stiff. I mind one evenin arter hay harvest, father said to me, Sam, sai( he, 'spose we go down and see minister ; I guess he's a little mitfe^ with me, for I brought him up all standin t'other night by sayin th( English were a damned overbearin tyrannical race, and he hadn' another word to say. When you make use of such language as tha are, Colonel Slick, said he, there's an eend of all conversation. — I allow it is very disrespectful to swear afore a minister, and very on- handsum to do so at all, and I don't approbate such talk at no rale So we will drop the subject if you please. Well, I got pretty grunip) too, and we parted in a huff. I think myself, says father, it warn' pretty to swear afore him; for Sam, if there is a good man agoin i is minister, — that's a fact. But, Sam, says he, we military men,— and he straightened himself up considerablt' stiff, and pulled np hi ENGLISH ARISTOCRACY. 21U illar, ami lonkod as licrceasalion, — nvo military men, says he, have hal)it of rappin out an oath now and tlien. Very few of our heroes idn't swear; I recollect that tarnation fire-eater, (nneral Gates, , I'hen he \\as in our sarvice, ordered ineonoe to attack n Ihitish out- iost, ami I didn't nnich more than half like it. Gineral, says I, uMo's a plaguy stone wall there, and the British have lined it, I uess; and I 'm athinkin it ain't altogether gist safe to go too near it. ' — m — n, — Captain Slick, says he, — (I was gist made a Captain , len) — d — m — n, — Captain Slick, says he, ain't there two sides to a [one wall? Don't let me hear the like ag'in from you, said he, aptain, or I hope I may be tetotally and elTectually d — d if I don't reak you — ! I will, by gosh! He warn't a man to be trifled with, lou may depend ; so I drew up my company, and made at the wall ■ louble quick, expectin every minit would be our last. ' Gist as we got near the fence, I heerd a scramblin and a scuddin • lehindit, and I said, now, says I, lor'ard, my boys, for your lives 1 " 'ot foot, and down onder the fence on your bellies ! and then we ' 'hall be as safe as they be, and p'rhai>s we can loophole 'em. Weil, *, !/e gist hit it, and got there without a shot, and down on our faces }s flat as flounders. Presently we heerd the British run for dear life, ^ jnd take right back across the road, full split. Now, says 1, my ' 'earties, up and let drive at 'em, right over the wall I Well, we got ^ 'nour knees, and cocked our guns, so as to have all ready, and then • le jump'd up an eend ; and seein nothin but a great cloud o' dust, '' '/e fired right into it, and down we heerd 'em tumble; and when the ^' just clear'd olV, we saw the matter o' twenty w bite breeches turned •"i !p to us sprawlin on the ground. Gist at that moment we heerd throe ll' [beers from the inemy at the fort, and a great shout of larfin from «* 'ur army too; they haw-hawed like thunder. Well, says I, as soon M [s I could see, if that don't bang the bush. I'll be darn'd if it ^' 'in'ta flock of sheep belongin to Elder Solomon LongstalT, arter all, "• !-and if we ain't killed the matter of a score of 'em too, as dead as (lutton ; that's a fact. Well, we returned considerable down in the ii« [iiouth, and says thegineral, captain, says he, I guessyou made the ^ Inemy look pretty sheepish, didn't you? Well, if the officers didn't in' Wf, it's a pity ; and says a A'arginy officer that was there, in a sort ^ jf half-whisper, that wall was well lined, you may depend — sheep on lik |ne side and asses on the other! Says I, stranger, you had better *' iiot say that are ag'in, or I'll Gintlemen, says thegineral, resarve M lour heat for the inemy; no quarrels among ourselves — and he rode )!f Mf, havin first whispered in my ear, Do you hear, captain, d — n im lou! there are two sides to a wall. Yes, says 1 gineral, and two lides to a story too. And don't, for gracious' sake, say any more soil [bout it. Yes, we military men all swears a few, — it's the praclire iflr ■ 220 THE CLOCKMAKER. of the camp, and seems kinder nateral. But I '11 go and makefriend* with minister. Well, we walked down to Mr. Hopewell's, and we found him in s little summer house, all covered over with honeysuckle, as busy aj you please with a book he was astudyin, and as soon as he seed \i< he laid it down and came out to meet us. Colonel Slick, says he I owe you an apology, I believe; I consait I spoke too abrupt to yoi t'other evenin. I ought to have made some allowance for the ardoui of one of our military heroes. Well, it took father all aback that, foi he know'd it was him that was to blame, and not minister, so h( began to say that it was him that ought to ax pardon ; but ministei wouldn't hear a word,— (he was all humility was minister — he hac no more pride than a babe) — and says he. Gome, colonel, walk it and sit down here, and we will see if we cannot muster a bottle o cider for you, for I take this visit very kind of you. Well, he brough out the cider, and we sot down quite sociable like. Now, says he colonel, what news have you ? Well, says father, neighbour Dearbourn tells me that he been from excellent authority that he can't doubt, when he was to England that King George the Third has been dead these two years : but hi; ministers darsen't let the people know it, for fear of a revolution ; s( they have given out that he took the loss of these States so much t( heart, and fretted and carried on so about it, that he ain't able to d( business no more, and that they are obliged to keep him included They say the people w^ant to have a government gist like ourn, bu the lords and great folks won't let 'em, — and that if a poor man lay; by a few dollars, the nobles send and take it right away, for fear the; should buy powder and shot with it. It's awful to think on, ain't it' I allow the British are about the most enslaved, oppressed, ignorant and miserable folks on the face of creation. You mustn't believe all you hear, said minister; depend upon it there ain't a word of truth in it. I have been a good deal in Eng- land, and I do assure you, they are as free as we be, and a mos a plaguy sight richer, stronger, and wiser. Their government con venes them better than ourn would, and I must say there be som things in it I like better than ourn too. Now, says he, colonel, I'l p'int out to you where they have a' most an amazin advantage ove us here in America. First of all, there is the King on his throne an hereditary King, — a born King, — the head of his people, and nc the head of a party; not supported, right or wrong, by one side be < ause they chose him, — nor hated and oppressed, right or wrong, b t'other because they don't vote for him; but loved and supported b ,ill because he is their King; and regarded by all with a feelin w don't know nothin of in our country, — a feelin of loyalty. Yes, say ENGLISH ARISTOCRACY. 221 lalher, and [hoy don't rare whether it's a man, woman, or cliild; — lu* iiinoranl, litMiiuhfod crittors. They are considerable sure, says iiinister, he ain't a rogue at any rate- Well, the next link in the chain (Chains enough, poor wretches I ;i\s father; hut it's good enough for 'em tho', I guess) — Weil, th(> I ('\t link in the chain is the nobility, independent of the crown on lie side, and the people on the other ; a body distinguished for its M'alth, — its learnin, — its munificence, — its high honour, — and all llie great and good qualities that ennoble the human heart. Yes, ays father, and yet they can sally out o' their castles, seize travellers, Ind rob 'em of all they have ; hav'n't they got the whole country inslaved? — the debauched, profligate, cfeminatc, tyrannical gang as jliey be; and see what mean oflices they do fill about the King's iarson. They put me in mind of my son Eldad when he went to !»rn the doctors' trade, — Ihey took him the first winter to the dis- I'tin room. So in the spring, says I, Eldad, says I, how do you ,et on? Why, says he, father, I 've only had my first lesson yet. iVhat is that? says I. Why, says he, when the doctors are dissectin If a carcass of cold meat (for that's the name a subject goes by), I jave to stand by 'em and keep my hands clean, to wipe their noses, jive 'em sniilT, and light cigars for 'em ; — and the snufT sets 'em isneezin so, I have to be awipin of their noses everlastinly. It's a )irty business, that's a fact; — but dissectin is a dirty adair, [ guess, jltogether. Well, by all accounts the nobility fill ofTices as mean as jie doctors' apprentices do the first winter. I tell you, these are mere lies, says minister, got up here by a party |) influence us ag'in the British. Well, well! said father, go on, jnd he threw one leg over the other, tilted back in his chair, folded |is arms over his breast, and looked as detarmined as if he thought l-now you may gist talk till you are hoarse, if you like, but you jon't convince me, I can tell you. Then there is an Establislied ihurch, containin a body o' men distinguished for their piety and iirnin, uniform practice, Christian lives, and consistent conduct: st a beach that keeps off the assaults of the waves o' infidelity and ithusiasm from the Christian harbour within — the great bulwark id breakwater that protects and shelters Protestantism in the world. h dear! Oh dear! said father, and he looked over to me, quite reaked, as much as to say, Now, Sam, do only hear the nonsense liat are old critter is atalkin of: ain't it horrid? Then there is the |;ntry^ and a fine, honorable, manly, hospitable, independent race jiey be; all on 'em suns in their little spheres, illuminatin, warmin, |id cheerin all within their reach. Old families, attached to all found them, and all attached to them, both them and the peojde 'collectin that there have been twenty generations of 'em kind land- ids, good neighbours, liberal patrons, indulgent masters ; or if any 2-22 THE CLOCKMAKEH. of 'em went abroad, heroes by fu^ld and by flood. Yes, says father and they carried back somethin to brag on from Bunker's Hill, guess, didn't they ? We spoilt the pretty faces of some of their land lords, that hitch, any how, — ay, and their tenants too; hang me i we didn't. When I was at Bun Then there is the professional men, rich marchants, and opulen factorists, all so many out-works to the king, and all to be bea down afore you can get at the throne. Well, all these blend an mix, and are entwined and interwoven together, and make that greal harmonious, beautiful, social, and political machine, the Britis constitution. The children of nobles ain't nobles — (I guess noi says father, — why should they be? ain't all men free and equal read Jefferson's declara ) — but they have to mix with the com mons, and become commoners themselves, and part of the gref general mass — (and enough to pyson thewhole mass too, said fathei gist yeast enough to farment it, and spile the whole batch). — Quit the revarse, says minister; to use a homely simile, it's like a pie( of fat pork thrown into a boilin kettle of maple syrup : it checks tli bubblin and makes the boilin subside, and not run over. Wei you see, by the House o' Lords gettin recruits from able commoner: and the commoners gettin recruits from the young nobility, by in termarriage — and by the gradual branchin off of the young peop! of both sexes, it becomes the people s nohUity, and not the king nobility, sympathisin with both, but independent of either. That gist the difference 'atween them and foreigners on the GontinenI that's the secret of their power, popularity, and strength. The kin leans on 'em, and the people leans on 'em — they are the key-stoi of the arch. They don't stand alone, a high cold snowy peak, overlookin of the world beneath, and athrowin a dark deep shade o'er the rich and fertile regions below it. They ain't like the cornis of a room, pretty to look at, but of no airthly use whatever; a thit you could pull away, and leave the room standin, gist as well witl out, but they are the pillars of the state — the flooted, and groove and carved, and ornamental, but solid pillars — you can't take awj the pillars, or the state comes down — you can't cut out the flooti or groovin, or carvin, for it's in so deep you'd have to cut the pilla away to nothin a' most to get it out. Well, says father, araisin his voice till he screamed, have you nothin, sir, to praise to hom sir? I think you whitewashed that British sepulchre of rottenne and corruption, that House o' Lords, pretty well, and painted tl harlot's eldest darter, till she looks as tlarnty as the old one of Babyb herself; let's have a touch o' your brush to home now, will yoi You don't onderstand me yet, Colonel Slick, said he; I want to she you somethin in the workin o' the machinery you ain't thought ( 1 Know. Now, you see, colonel, all these parts I described a' ENGLISH AlllSTOCKACr: 2i:i tccks \vc ain't got — (and I trust in God wo nc^e^ shall, says father |we want no check — nothin can never stop us, but the Wmits o' (i'ation) — and we ain't provised any in their i)lac(', and 1 don't see Mat on airth we sliall do for these dra^-ohains on |)o|)iilar iii)inion. Iiere's nothin liere to make it of, — nothin in tiio natur of things t(» ?bstitute, — nothin invented, or capable of the wcar-and-trar, if in- Vnted, tlial will be the least morsel of use in tin? world. E\|)Iain viat you mean, for gracious sake, says father, for 1 don't onder- j^ind one word of w hat you are asayin of : w ho dares talk of chains t^ popular opinion of twelve million of free and enlightened citizens? ^ell, says minister, gist see here, colonel, instead of all these gra- c'tions and circles, and what not, they've got in England — each tvin its own principle of action, harmonizin with one another, yet ^»entially independant — we got but one class, one mass, one people. I^me natur' has made a little smarter than others, and some educa- t'n has distinguished; some are a little richer, some a little poorer — tt still we have nothin but a mass, a populace, a people; all aliko in ' ^jat essentials, all havin the same power, same rights, same privi- ! l;es, and of course same feelins: — rail it what you nut a sword, — and now, sir, said he, makin a lounge into the air ivith his arm, — now, sir, if you were not a clergyman, you should !;nswer it to me with your life — you should, I snore. Its nothin |»ul your cloth protects you, and an old friendship that has subsisted jtween us for many years. You revolutionary heroes, colonel, says Ininister, smilin, are covered with too much glory to require any aid irom private quarrels : put up your sword, colonel, put it up, my i;ood friend, and let us see how the cyder is. I have talked so much iny mouth feels considerably rusty about the hinges, I vow. I guess \c had. says father, quite mollified by that are little revolutionary HMO,— and I will sheathe it; and he went thro the form of putting I sword into the scabbard, and fetched his two hands together with I chck that sounded amazinly like the rael thing. Till your glass, 15 226 THE CLOCKMAKER. colonel, says minister, fill your glass, and 1 will give you a toast :~ May our government never degenerate into a moh, nor our tnob. grow strong enough to hecome our government. CHAPTER XLVIII. THE CONFESSIONS OF A DEPOSED MINISTER. Since I parted with you, squire, at Windsor, last fall, I've been t home. There's been an awful smash among the banks in the States — they've been blowed over, and snapped ofT, and torn up by th roots like the pines to the southward in a tornado : — awful work, yo may depend. Everything prostrated as flat as if it had been choppe with an axe for the fire ; it's the most dismal sight I ever beheld Shortly after I left you I got a letter from Mr. Hopewell, atellin c me there was a storm abrewin, and advisin of me to come to hom as soon as possible, to see arter my stock in the Slickville bank, fo they were carryin too much sail, and he was e'en a'most certain would capsize when the squall struck it. Well, I rode night an day ; I nearly killed old Clay and myself too (I left the old horse t St. John's) ; but I got there in time, sold out my shares, and gif secured myself, when it failed tetotally, — it won't pay five cents I the dollar; a total wrack, stock and fluke. Poor old minister, he nearly used up ; he is small potatoes now, and few in a hill. It mac me feel quite streaked to see him, for he is a rael good man, a genu wi%6 primitive Christian, and one of the old school. Why, San said he, how do you do, my boy? The sight of you is actilly goc for sore eyes. Oh! I am glad to see you once more afore I go; does me good — ithappifies me, it does, I vow — for you always seem( kind o' nateral to me. I didn't think I should ever take any intere in anything ag'in; — but I must have a talk with you — it will do n good — it revives me. And now, Sam, said he, open that are cuj board there, and take that big key off the nail on the right hand si< — it's the key of the cellar; and go to the north bin, and bring up bottle of the old genuwme cider — it will refresh you arter your f; tigue ; and give me my pipe and tobacco, and we will have a talk, we used to do in old times. Well, says I, when I returned and uncorked the bottle, — ministe says I, it's no use in atalkin, — and I took a heavy pull at the cider- it's no use atalkin, but there's nothin like that among the Blue-nose anyhow. I believe you might stump the univarse for cider— ^^' caps all — it's super-excellent — that's a fact. 1 shall stump out of the univarse soon, Sam, said he ; I'm e'( la: CONFESSIONS OF A MINISTEIl. SsSl most done; my body is worn out, and my spirits are none of the est now, — I'm a lone man. The old men are droppin otTfast into Ik? crave, and the youn^ men are froopin olTfast to the far West; ml Sli(k\ille don't seem the same place to me it used to do no more, lu well stricken in years now ; my lite stretches over a considerable (lace of the colony time, and over all our republic : my race is run, ly lamp is out, and I am ready to go. I often say. Lord, now let- -t thou thy sarvant depart in peace. Next birthday, if the Lord pares me to see it, I shall be ninety-five years old. Well, says I, linister, you've seen great changes in your time, that's sartain ; aven't we grown cruel fast? There ain't such a nation as ournp'rhaps itween the poles, gist at this present time. We arc a'most through the Pacific, and spreadin all over this great Continent; and our ag floats over every part of the world. Our free and enlightened '^ople do present a'most a glorious spectacle — that's a fact. Well, sot still and said nothin; but takin the pipe out of his mouth, ho - -it go a great long pufT of smoke, and then replaced his pipe ag'in, ^ Ind arter a space, says he. Well, Sam, what of all that? Why, \ jaid I, minister, you remind me of Joab Hunter; he whipped every !• |ne that darst try him, both in Slickville and its tricinity; and then ie sol down and cried like a child, 'cause folks were afeerd of him, Ind none on 'em would fight him. ! It's a law o' natur', Sam, said he, that things that grow too fast, !nd grow too big, go to decay soon. I am afeerd we shall be rotten 'ii tfore we are ripe. Precosity ain't a good sign in anything. A boy li tliat outgrows his strength, is seldom healthy : an old head on young jhoulders is plaguy apt to find afore long the shoulders too old and jeak for the head. I am too aged a man to be led away by names '-too old a bird to be caught by chafl'. Tinsel and glitter don't de- leive me into a belief that they are solid, ^cnuyvine metals. Our eagle iial we chose for our emblem, is a fine bird, and an aspirin bird ; but \eis a bird of prey, Sam, — too fond of Mood, — too prone to pounce \n the weak and ujiwanj. I don't like to see him hoverin over Texas and Canada so much. Our flag that you talk of is a good flag; jut them stripes, are they prophetic or accidental? Are they the Ki ilripes of the slaves risin up to humble our pride by exhibitin our f pame on our banner? Or what do they mean? Freedom, what is III 1? We boast of freedom ; tell me what freedom is? Is it having {0 king and no nobles? Then we are sartainly free. But is that lii j-ecdom ? Is it in havin no established religion? Then we are free {ill Inough, gracious knows. Is it in havin no hereditary government, (4 ir vigorous executive? Then we are free, beyond all doubt. j4 j Yes, we know what we are atalkin about; we are wise in our ge- leration, wiser than the children of light — we are as free as the air jj If heaven. What that air is, p'raps they know uho talk of it so 228 THE CLOCKMAKER. flippanlly and so glibly ; but it may not be so free to all comets as oi country is. But what is freedom ? My little grandson, little Samn (I had him named arter you, Sam), told me yesterday I was bebii the enlightenment of the age ; perhaps you, who are ahead of it, w answer me. What is freedom ? A colt is free, — he is unrestraine ■ — he acknowledges no master, — no law, but the law of natur'. man may get his brains kicked out among wild horses, but still thi are free. Is our freedom like that of the wild horse or the wild as;' — If not, what is it ? Is it in the right of openly preaching infidelity Is it in a licentious press ? Is it in the outpourings of popular spirit ' Is it in the absence of all subordination, or the insufficiency of all le^l or moral restraint? I will deflne it. It is that happy condition [ mankind where people are assembled in a community; where thes is no government, no law, and no religion, but such as are imposl from day to day by a mob of freemen. That is freedom . Why, minister, said I, what on airth ails you, to make you ta; arter that fashion ? If you hadabin drinkin anyof that areold cid(, I do think I should have believed it had got into your brain, for is pretty considerable stiff that, and tarnation heady. How can you > for to say we have no government, no law, and no religion, when is ginerally allowed we are the most free and enlightened people on t? face of the airth? — I didn't say that, Sam; I was definin freedomi its general acceptation. We have got a government somewhere f folks could only find it. When they sarched for it at Texas, i\f said it was to Canady lines ; and when they got to Canady lines to sei it, they say it is gone to the Seminole war; and when they get the, they'll tell 'em they've been lookin for it ; but it hasn't arrived y, and they wish to gracious it would make haste and come, for if it \r there, three thousand Injians couldn't beat us three years runn, and defy us yet. We've got law too; and when the judges go n the circuit, the mob holds its courts, and keeps the peace. — Whe commission does the mob hold? — The people's commission. -^A whose commission does the supreme judge hold? — The President. Which is at the top of the pot then? Can the judges punish the mi? — No ; but the mob can punish the judges. Which is the suprcie •court, then? No; we have law. Yes, said I, and the prophets t>; for if you ain't a prophet of evil, it's a pity. I fairly felt ryled, fcif there is a thing that raises my dander, and puts my Ebenezer upit is to hear a man say anything ag'in the glorious institutions of ir great, splendid country. There you go ag'in, said he ; you don't know what you are atalin about; a prophet zised io be a person who foretold future event to come. What they be now in Webster's new dictionary, I di't know ; but I guess they now be those who foretell things arter tjy happen. I warn't aprophesyin — I was speakin of things afore ly CONFESSIONS OF \ MINISTER. 2-'!) "' 'eyes. Your ideas of prophets are about as clear as your ideas ol free- * 'doni. Yes, we've i;ot law, and written law too, as well as written 'constitutions — for we despise that onwriften law, the coniinon law 'of the ignorant Urilisli; we desjiise it as a relic of barbarism, of the * 'age of darkness and fable)— and as soon as our cases that are tried afore the mob courts are collected and reported by some of our emi- 'nent mob orators, these state trials will have great authority. They'll ' be (|uoted to England with great respect, [ know ; for they've got ora- * 'tors of the same breed there too, — the same gentle, mild, Christian- '^ 'like philanthropists. Pity you hadn't sported that kind of doctrine, ' 'says I, minister, afore our glorious revolution. The British would * 'have made a bishop of you, or a Canter Berry, or whatever they rail ^' (their Protestant pope. Yes, you might have had the canon law and ^ Ithe tythe law enforced with the baggonet law. Abusin the British don't help us, Sam. I am not fJ/rlr advocate, but the advocate for ® 'law, just and equal law, impartially administered, voluntarily obeyed, ^^ land, when infringed, didy enforced. Yes, we have religion, too, from <^ 'the strict good old platform, throughevery variety and shade of tinker, '!• iraormonite, and mountebank, down to the infidel, — men who preach '•^ ipeace and good will, but who fight and hate each other like the devil. ** Idolatry like ourn you won't find even among the heathen. ^Ye are ^i image worshippers : we have two images. There's the golden image, Im isvhich all men worship here, and the American image. The Ame- iM Hcan image ! said I ; do tell : what on airth is that? I do believe in sliii imy heart, minister, that you have taken leave of your senses. What em lender the sun is the American image? An image of perfection, Sam, «!' Isaid he; fine phrenological head — high forehead — noble countenance ili )— intellisent face — limbs Herculean, but well proportioned — grace- 19 iful attitude — a figure of great elegance and beauty, — the personifica- m pan of everything that is great and good, — (J/at is the American -1 image; — (ftut we set up and admire, and everybody thinks it is an ii,( j mage of himself. Oh ! it is humiliatin, it is degradin ; but we are all ^ brought up to this idolatry from our cradle : we are taught first to Ifi worship gold, and then to idolize ourselves. $g|i j Yes, we have a government, have a law, and have a religion, — lit; lind a precious government, law, and religion it is. I was once led le|,l |to believe we had made a great discovery, and were tryin a great ex- heriment in the art of self-government, for the benefit of mankind, jj^ (is well as ourselves. Oh, delusion of delusions 1 — It had been tried j^efore and signally failed, and tried on our own ground too. and under ^^ bur own eyes. We are copies and not originals — base imitators. jtj i^iVhen he got this far, I seed how it was — he was delirious, poor old |t ijentleman; the sight of me was too much for him; his narves was ^i jjxcited, and he was aravin ; his face was Hushed, his eye glared, and jlj Hooked quite wild-lite'. It touched me to the heart, for I loved him 230 THE CLOCKMAKER. like a father, and his intellects were of the first order afore old age like a cloud, had overshadowed 'em. 1 thought I should have boo- hooed right out. So, instead of contradictin him, I humoured him AVhere was it tried, minister? said I ; who had the honour afore us' for let us give the credit where it is due. The North American In- dians, said he, had tried it afore in all its parts. They had no king no nobles, no privileged class, no established religion. Their mob made laws. Lynch law too, for they had burned people before thi citizens at Mobile were ever born, or were even thought on, am invaded also other folk's territory by stealth, and then kept posses- sion. They, too, elected their presidents, and other officers, and dii all and everything we do. They, too, had their federal governmen of independent states, and their congress and solemn-lookin boastii orators. They, too, had their long knives as well as Arkansa's folk have, and were as fond of blood. And where are they now? Wher is their great experiment? — their great spectacle of a people governi themselves? Gone! where ourn will go; gone with the years tha are fled, never to return ! Oh, Sam, Sam ! my heart is sick withi me. Where now is our beautiful republic bequeathed to us by Wasl ington, and the sages and heroes of the revolution? Overwhelme "' and destroyed by the mighty waters of democracy. Nothing is no^ left but a dreary waste of angry waters, moved and excited by ever wind that blows, and agitated by every conflictin current, onsafe t navigate, fearful even to look upon. This is too excitin a subject, said I, minister, and admits of a gre; deal bein said on both sides. It ain't worth our while to get wan on it. As for an established church, said I, you know what a hubbu they make in England to get clear of that are. I don't think we nee envy 'em, unless they'll establish our platform. If they did tha said I, and I looked up and winked, I don't know as 1 wouldn't vo for it myself. Sam, said he, we are agoin to have an establishc church; it may be a very good church, and is a great deal better tha many we have; but still it ain't the church of the Pilgrims. Wh church, said I, minister? Why, said he, the Catholic Church; b fore long it will be the established Church of the United States. Pd old man, only think of his getting such a freak as that are in h head ; it was melancholy to hear him talk such nonsense, warn't i What makes you think so? said I. Why, said he, Sam, the majori here do everything. The majority voted at first against an est; tlishment; a majority may at last vote for it; the voice of the m jorityislaw. Now the Catholics are fast gaining a numerical majorit i)on't you believe census or other tables ? I know it, and I could e sily correct the errors of the census. They gain constantly, — they gain more by emigration, more 1 aatucal increase in proportion to their numbers, more by interma CONFESSIONS OF A MINISTER. 231 H iiiagcs, adoplion, and conversion, than the Protestants. With their Veil jcxclusivo views of salvation, and pccuhar tenets, — as soon as they ii jhave the majority this becomes a Cathohc country, with a Catholic (ir(» government, with the Catholic religion established by law. Is this 1| I a great change? A greater change has taken place among the British, loii I the Medesand Persians of Euro[)e, the nolumus leges mnfari people. ri |"NVIjat then will llie natural order and progress of events now in train OKI : liere not |)roduce ? I only speak of this ; — I don't dread it ; I hope, )M ,and trust, and pray that it may be so; not because I think them Ikh , right, for I don't, but because they are a Christian church, an old am I church, a consistent church, and because it is a church, and any sect rm t is better than the substitution of a cold speculative philosophy for re- hl j ligion, as we too frequently see among us. We are too greedy to be jII j moral, too self-suiricient to be pious, and too independent to be reli- % i gious. United under one head, and obedient to that head, with the )t(ii I countenance and aid of the whole catholic world, what can they not ifij j achieve? Yes, it is the only cure that time and a kind and merciful ^ , Providence has in store for us. ire shall be a Catholic coimtry. \ j Sam, my heart is broken 1 — my last tie is severed, and I am now |i(ji j descendin to the grave full of years and full of sorrows ! I have re- jj, j ceived my dismissal ; my ciders have waited upon me w ith the appal- >(, j lin information that they have given a call to a Unitarian, and have 5jj I no further need of my services. My labours, Sam, were not worth i having, — that's a fact: I am now old, gray-headed, and infirm, and ,j j worn out in the service of my Master. It was time for me to retire. ^ j Tempus abire tibi est. (I hope you hav'n't forgot what little Latin g j you had, Sam.) I do not blame them for that: — but a Unitarian in I my pulpit ! It has killed me — I cannot survive it; and he cried like ji j a child. 1 looked on 'em, said he, as my children — I loved *em as my .,, I own — taught 'em their infant prayers, — I led 'em to the altar of the ^Ijj j Lord, I fed 'em with the bread of life, encouraged them when they i j was right, reproved 'em when they was wrong, and watched over I j 'cm always. Where is now my flock? and what account shall I give u I of the shepherd? Oh, Sam, willingly would I ofler up my life for I 'em as a sacrifice, but it may not be. My poor flock, my dear child- jjf ren, my lost sheep, that I should have lived to have seen this day ! s — and he hid his face in his hands, and moaned bitterly. u I Poor old gentleman, it had been too much for him; it was evident , that it had alTected his head as well as his heart. And this I will ., I say, that a better head and a better heart there ain't this day in the jj j United States of America than minister Joshua Hopewell's, of I j Slickville. I am glad to hear you speak so aifectionately of him, ' said I. It shows there arc good and warm hearts in Slickville be- I aides his; but do you really think he was delirious? No doubt in the world on it, said he. If you had ascen him and hoerd him, you 232 THE CLOCKMAKER. would have felt that his troubles had swompified him. It was gon goose with him, — that's a fact. That he spoke under the influenc of excited feelings, I replied, and with a heart filled with grief an indignation, there can be no doubt; but I see no evidence of deli rium; on the contrary, his remarks strike me as most eloquent an original. They have made a great impression upon me, and I sha long remember the confessions of a deposed minister. CHAPTER XLIX. CANADIAN POLITICS. The next day we reached Clare, a township wholly settled b descendants of the Arcadian French. The moment you pass lb bridge at Scissiboo, you become sensible that you are in a foreig,- country. And here I must enter my protest against that America custom of changing the old and appropriate names of places, for tli new and inappropriate ones of Europe. Scissiboo is the Indian nana of this'long and beautiful river, and signifies the great deep, an should have been retained, not merely because it was its propt name, but on account of its antiquity, its legends, and, above al because the river had a name, which the minor streams of the pr( vince have not. A country, in my opinion, is robbed of half of i charms when its streams, like those of Nova Scotia, have no oth( names than those of the proprietors of the lands thro' which the pass, and change them as often as the soil changes owners. Sciss boo sounded too savage and uncouth in the ears of the inhabitant and they changed it to Weymouth, but they must excuse me f( adopting the old reading. I am no democrat; I like old names and the traditions belongir to them. I am no friend to novelties. There has been a re-actic in Upper Canada. The movement party in that colony, with gre form and ceremony, conferred the name of Little York upon the cf pital of the colony; but the Conservatives have adopted the anciei order of things, and with equal taste and good feeling have reston the name of Toronto. I hope to see the same restoration at Sciss boo, at Tatam-agouche, and other places where the spoiler has bee There is something very interesting in these Arcadians. They ai the hneal descendants of those who made the first elTective settb ment in North America, in 1606, under De Monts, and have n tained to this day the dress, customs, language, and religion of the ancestors. They are a peaceable, contented, and happy people; ai; CANADIAN POLITICS. 231 =* 'fiavo escaped llic temptations of English agitators, French atheists, ?^ lind ey believe it all, and will believe anything they tell 'em. It is a fj-jif j-omfortable ignorance they are in too, for they are actilly the happiest §j i'ritfrrs on the face of theairth, — but then it is a dangerous ignorance. jjl j'or it is so easily imposed upon. I had been always led to believe, I jjf |:aid, that it was a great constitutional question that was at stake, — j| (he right to stop the supplies; and from hearing there were so many jjp. (jpeculative and theoretical points of dispute between them and the II lEnglish, as to the machinery of the local government, I thought they ^p jivere at least an enlightened people, and one that, feeling they had 234 THE CLOCKMAKER. rights, were determined to maintain tiiose rights at all hazards Oh, dear, said the Glockmaker, where have you been all your bori days, not to know better nor that? They don't know nothin abou the matter, nor don't want to. Even them that talk about thos things in the assembly, don't know much more; but they gist knc enough to ax for what they know they can't get, then call it a grie^ ance, and pick a quarrel about it. Why, they've got all the want, and more nor they could have under us, or any other powc on the face of the airth than the English, — ay, more than they coul have if they were on their own hook. They have their own laws,- and plaguy queer, old-fashioned laws they are too, — Old Scratc himself couldn't understand 'em ; their parly-voo language, religior old customs and usages, and everything else, and not^xesat all. If such is the case, what makes their leaders discontented? Thei must be something wrong somewhere, when there is so much disa fection ? All that is the matter may be summed up in one won said the Glockmaker, French, — devil a thing else but that — Frcnci You can't make an Englishman out of a Frenchman, any more Iha you can a white man out of a nigger; if the skin ain't different, tl tongue is. But, said I, though you cannot make the Ethiopia change his skin, you can make the Frenchman change his languag Ay, now you have it, I guess, said he; you've struck the right x\i on the head this time. The reform they want in Canada is to give 'e English laws and English language. Make 'em use it in courts at public matters, and make an English and not a French colony of i and you take the sting out o' the snake, — the critter becomes ham less. Them doctors pyson 'em. Them chaps go to France, get ii oculated there with infidelity, treason, and republicanism, and cor out and spread it over the country like small-pox. They got a b set o' doctors in a gineral way, I tell you ; and when rebellion breai out there, as you'll see it will to a sartainty by and by, you'll On them doctors leading them on everywhere, — the very worst fellcs among 'em, — boys of the glorious July days to Paris. Well, it is t use atalkin, squire, about it; it is a pity, too, to see the poor simj; critters so imposed upon as they be, for they'll catch it, if they ) rebel, to a sartainty. Gist as sure as Papinor takes that step he* done for,-*-he's a refugee in six weeks in the States, with, a price it on his head, for the critter won't fight. The English all say 3 wants theclear grit — aint gotthe stuff — noginger in him — it'sall ta- The last time I was to Montreal, I seed a good deal of the lead(3 of the French; they were very civil to me, and bought ever so maf of my clocks, — they said they liked to trade with their Americi friends, it was proper to keep up a good feelin among neigbbou . There was one Doctor Jodrie there, a'most everlastinly at my lies a introducin of me to his countrymen, and recommendin themo CANADIAN POLITICS. 835 "^ Iradi* wifli me. Well, I went to his shop one ni^ht, and when Ik; * Jieerd my voice, he come out of a hack, room, and, said he, walk in ^ liere, Mount-sheer Shck, I want you for one particular use ; come ^ idong with me, my good feller, there are some friends here atakin " »)f a glass o' grog along with me and a pipe; — won't you join us? t* HVell, said I, I don't care if I do ; I won't he starched. A i)ipe wouldn't '' 'je amiss gist now, says I, nor a glass of grog neither; so in I went : 1« ijut my mind misgived me there was some mischief ahrewin in there, * lis I seed he bolted the door arfer him, and so it turned out. '* ( The room was full of chaps, all doctors, and notaries, and mera- «! hers of assembly, with little short pipes in their mouths, achattin H tiway like so many monkeys, and each man had his tumbler o' hot '• i'um and wafer afore him on the table. Sons o' liberty, says he, 1^1 jiere's a brother, Mount-sheer Slick, a haul o' jaw clockmaker. >i iWell, they all called out, Five Clockmaker 1 No, says I, not live clock- 1 loiakers, but only one; and hardly trade enough for him neither, I 'iJ l?uess. Well, they hawhawed like any thing, for they beat all natur «li ifor larfin, them French. Five is same as hurrah, says he, — long bI, life to you! Oh I says I, I onderstand now. No fear of that any nil) jliow, when I am in the hands of a doctor. Yankee hit him hard that i!i (time, be gar! said a little under-sized parchment-skinned lookin '\\' ilawyer. May be so, said the doctor; but a feller would stand as good iff "1 chance for his life in my hands, I guess, as he would in yourn, if tlii ihe was to be defended in court by you. The critters all yelled right j( but at this joke, and struck the table with their fists till the glasses ill 111! rang ag'in. Bon, bon, says they. Says the doctor, Don't you understand French, Mr. Slick? No, says I, not one word; I wish ito goodness I did though, for I find it very awkward sometimes ktradin without it. (I always said so when I was axed that are question, so as to hear what was agoin on : it helped me in my busi- ili Iness considerable. I could always tell whether they actilly wanted im ia clock or not, or whether they had the money to pay for it : they ili ilct out all their secrets). Would you like to see a bull-bait? said ■fii itie ; we are goin to bait a bull winter arter next, — grand fun, said lltj the; we'll put fire to his tail, — stick squibs and matches into his e|i ihide, — make him kick, and roar, and toss, like the diable : then we'll Ili) Iput the dogs on, worry him so long as he can stand, — then, tamn him, 191 jkill him, skin him, and throw his slinkin carcass to the dogs and de j|t i:rows. Yes, said the other fellers, kill him, damn him, — kill him ! {( land they got up and waved their glasses over their heads; — death to ji |the beast ' a la lantcrnd' ij I Says one of them in French to the doctor, Prenny garde, — are you J], isure, are you clear he is not English? Oh, sartain, said he in the ,^ jsame lingo; he is a Yankee clockmakin, cheatin vagabond from u jBoston, or thereabouts; but we must court him, we must he civil to 230 THE CLOCKMAKER. tliem if wc expect their aid. If we once get clear o' the Enghsh w. will soon rid ourselves of them too. They are chips of the oli block, them Yankees ; a bad breed on both sides o' the water. Thei turnin to me, says he, I was just desirin these gentlemen, Mr. Slick to drink your health, and that of the United States. Thank you says 1, I believe our people and the French onderstand each otlie very well ; a very disinteristed hiendship on both sides. Oh, sartain says he, aputtin of his hand on his heart, and lookin spooney. On. sentiment, one grand sympathy of feelin, one real amitty yea Your health, sir, said he; and they all stood up agin and made . deuce of a roar over it. Five Americanes I I hope you have good dogs, said I, for your bull-bait? Oh, tru breed and no mistake, said he. It takes a considerable of a stil dog, says I, and one of the real grit to face a bull. Them fellers when they get their danders up, are plaguy onsafe critters ; they'l toss and gore the common kind like nothin,-^make all fly ag'in : i ain't oversafe to come too near 'em when they are once fairly raised If there is anythin in natur' I'm afeerd on, it's a bull when he i ryled. Oh yes, said he, we got the dogs, plenty of 'em too, — genuin breed from old France, kept pure ever since it came here, except slight touch of the fox and the wolf; the one makes 'em run faster and t'other bite sharper. It's a grand breed. Thinks I to mysell I onderstand you, my hearties. I see your drift; go the whole figur' and do the thing genteel. Try your hand at it, will you ; and if Johi Bull don't send you aflyin into the air sky-high, in little less tha half no time, it's a pity. A pretty set o' yelpin curs you be to fac such a critter as he is, ain't you? Why, the very moment h begins to paw and to roar, you'll run sneakin off with your tail atween your legs, ayelpin and asqueelin as if Old Nick himself wa arter you. Great man, your Washington, says the doctor. Very, says I no greater ever lived — p'r'aps the world never seed his ditto. An Papinor is a great man, too, said he. Very, said I, especially in th talking line — he'd beat Washington at that game, I guess, by a Ion chalk. I hope, says he, some day or another, Mr. Slick, and n( far off neither, we shall be a free and independent people, like yoi ,We shall be the France of America afore long — the grand nation- the great empire. It's our distiny — everything foretells it, — I ca see it as plain as can be. Thinks I to myself, this is a good time I broach our interests ; and if there is to be a break-up here, to put i a s|)oke in the wheel for our folks — a stitch in time saves nine. S( says I, you needn't flatter yourselves, doctor ; you can't be a distim nation; it ain't possible, in the natur' o' things. You may jine u; if you like, and there would be some sense in that move, — that's fact; but you never can stand alone here — no more than a lameraa CANADIAN POLITICS. 237 "" fan witliout cnilolips, or a child of six days old. No, not if all the Colonies were to unite, you couldn't do it. Why, says I, gist see re, doctor; you couldn't shew your noses on the lishin ground or one niinit — you can hardly do it now, even tho' the British have *^ i'ou under their wing. Our folks would drive you oil" (he banks, '"' :eize your lish, tear your nets, and lick you like a sack — and then '^^ 'ro home and swear you attacked them lirst, and our government \ould seize tho fisheries as an indemnification. How could you sup- i: :)ort an army and a navy, and a diplomacy, and make fortifications. ^ oVhy, you couldn't build and support one frigate, nor maintain one Vegimenl, nor garrison Quebec itself, let alone the out-posts. Our M I'olks would navigate the St. Lawrence in spite of your teeth, and the 'i i>t. John River too, and how could you help yourselves? The\'d ffi* iimuggle you out of your eye-teeth, and swear you never had any. Il» |3ur fur traders would attack your fur traders, and drive 'em all in. ill Dur people would enter here and settle — then kick up a row, call for w jVmerican volunteers, declare themselves independent, and ask ad- lij mission into the Union ; and afore you know'd where you were, you'd fii find yourselves one of our states. Gist look at what is goin on (o (if !rexa.s, and what has gone on to Florida, and then see what will go 111 Dn here. We shall own clean away up to the North and South Pole, D« lifore we're done. i» } Says the doctor, in French, to the other chaps, that would be worse IK |;han bein a colony to the English. Them Yankee villains would il break up our laws, language, and customs; that cat wouldn't jump y ut all, would it? Jamais, Jamais! says the company. We must (il pave aid from old France; we must be the grand nation, and the great It iMnpire, ourselves; — and he stop't, went to the door, unbolted it, It looked round the shop, and then turned the bolt ag'in. Would your Tolks, says he, help us, if we was to revolt, Mr. Slick? Certainly, II! jsaid I; they'd help you all they could, and not go to war with the I jBrilish. They'd leave all the armories on the line unguarded, so ill Ifou could run over and pretend to rob 'eip, and leave all the cannon ik Im the forts without anybody to see arter them, so you might have J! jihem if you wanted them. Lots o' chaps would volunteer in your >i jranks, and our citizens would subscribe handsum. They'd set up i ji claim pretty fierce, at the same time, about the New Brunswick [( tboundary line, so as to make a devarsion in your favour in that quar- g iter. We can't go to war gist now; it would ruin us, stock and lluke. jj |We should lose our trade and shippin, and our niggers and Indgians j jare ugly customers, and would take a whole army to watch them in II base of a war. We'd do all we could to help you as a pcojjle, but ,; jnot as a «/oi'crnment. We'd furnish you with arms, ammimition, (, provision, money, and volunteers. We'd lit you into our country, r but not the British. We'd help you to J fast as we could leg it, and locked the door; the sarchcr heerin iti 242 THE CLOCKMAKER. that, up too and arter us hot foot, and bust open the door. As soi as we heerd him adoin of that we out o' the other door and lockl that also, and down the back stairs to where we started from, t was some time afore he broke in the second door, and then he fc- lered us down, lookin like a proper fool. I'll pay you up for tb, said he to me. I hope so, said I, and Ichabod too. A pretty time' day this when folks cant are and race over a decent man's house, ai smash all afore him this way for nothin, ain't it? Them doors yj broke all to pieces will come to somethin, you may depend; — ajcs is a joke, but that's no joke. Arter that he took his time, sarcH the cellar, upper rooms, lower rooms, and garret, and found noth to seize ; he was all cut up, and amazin vexed, and put out. Says, Friend, if you want to catch a weasel you must catch him asleep ; n v if you want to catch me asmugglin, rise considerably airly in e mornin, will you? This story made Ichabod's fortin a' most : he Id smuggled goods to sell for three years, and yet no one could find hn in the act, or tell where onder the sun he hid 'em away to. At U the secret leaked out, and it fairly broke up smugglin on the wliie shore. That story has done more nor twenty officers — that's a foi. There's nothin a' most, said the Clockmaker, I like so much afo see folks cheat themselves. I don't know as I ever cheated a nn myself in my life : I like to do things above board handsum, and;o strait ahead ; but if a chap seems bent on cheatin himself, I lik«ta be neighbourly and help him to do it. I mind once, when I wa;to the eastward of Halifax atradin, I bought a young horse to use wle I gave old Clay a run to grass. I do that most every fall, and it (es the poor old critter a deal of good. He kinder seems to take a i-w lease every time, it sets him up so. Well, he was a most aspcal horse, but he had an infarnal temper, and it required all my knv- ledge of horse flesh to manage him. He'd kick, sulk, back, bite,e- fuse to draw, or run away, gist as he took the notion. I masted him, but it was gist as much as a bargain too; and I don't believe, lo' I say it myself, there is any other gentleman in the province cild have managed him but me. Well, there was a parson livin divn there that took a great fancy to that horse. Whenever he seecme adrivin by he always stopt to look at his action and gait, and adii'ed him amazinly. Thinks I to myself, that man is inokilated-t'll break out soon — he is detarmined to cheat himself, and if he is, tare is no help for it, as I see, but to let him. One day I was adriviiDut at a most a deuce of a size, and he stopped me. Hallo! says he, It. Slick, where are you agoin in such a desperate hurry? I wai to speak a word to you. So I pulls up short. Mornin, says I, paioD, how do you do to-day? That's a very clever horse of yourn, say he. Middlin, says I; he does my work, but he's nothin to brag on ho ain't gist equal to old Clay, and 1 doubt if there's are a blue-nose lrs' Hit not to you; the truth is, said I, smilin, I have a regard for mi- " ^listers; the best friend I ever had was one, the Reverend .losliua ■"! lopewell, of Slickville, and I wouldn't sell a horse to one I didn't think * i'ould suit liim. Oh ! said he, the horse would suit me exactly; 1 like; * him amazinly : what's your price? Fifty pounds to anybody else, said ^ i, but filfy-live to you, parson, for I don't want you to have him at V io price. If he didn't suit you, people would say I cheated you, and » 'heatin a parson is, in my mind, pretty much of a piece with rob- In iin of a church. Folks would think considerable hard of me sellin you '^^' ) horse that warn't quite the thing, and I sliouldn't blame them one il liorsel if they did. Why, what's the matter of him? said he. f i^ell, says I minister, says I, alarfin right out, everything is the 9>l liatter of him. Oh! said he, that's all nonsense; I've seen the till lorsc in your hands often, and desire no better. Well, says I, he di lill run away with you if he gels a chance to a sartainty. 1 will drive iJi iim with a curb, said he. He will kick, says I. I'll put a back 111 irap on him, said he. He will go backwards faster than forward, li hid I. I will give him the whip and teach him better, says \w. Well, m lys I, larfin like anything, he won't go at all sometimes. I'll take my iiii Jianceofthat, said he; butmust take off that five pounds. Well, says tei J parson, I don't want to sell you the horse — that's a fact ; but if you til Just have him I suppose you must, and I will subtract the five pounds lyb (I one condition, and that is, if you don't like the beast, you tell folks ,lil tat you would liave him, tho' I tried toset him outas bad as I could, and m iiid everything of him I could lay my tongue to. Well, says he, the in lirse is mine, and if he don't suit me, I acquit you of all blame. ietr .Well, ho took the horse, and cracked and boasted most prodi- iflii pnisly of him ; he said he wouldn't like to take a hundred pounds leis fe- him; that he liked to buy a horse of a Yankee, for they were ij)^ sch capital judges of horse flesh they hardly ever a'most had a bad Ijlii. ce, and that he knew he was agoin to get a first-chop one, the mo- !,(](, lint he found I didn't want to sell him, and that he never saw a jijiii Mn so loath to part with a beast. Oh dear ! how I larfed in my yjjj $!eve when I heerd tell of the goneey talkin such nonsense : [f! links I, he'll live to larn yet some things that ain't writ down ,|ff i Latin afore he dies, or I'm mistakoncd — that's all. In the J If t'Urse of a few days the horse began to find he'd changed hands, and jjjl fi thought he'd fry what sort o' stulV his new master was made on ; jjlj i he gist took the bit in his mouth one fine mornin and ran olFwilh 244 THE CLOCKMAKER. him, and kicked his gig all to flinders, and nearly broke the parson neck ; and findin that answer, he took to all his old tricks ag'i and gotworse than ever. He couldn't do nothin with him, — even tl helps were frightened out of their lives to go into the stable to hin So he come to me one day lookin quite streaked, and says he, M Slick, that horse I bought of you is a perfect divil ; I never saw su( a critter in my life ; I can neither ride him nor drive him. He gi does what he pleases with us, and we can't help ourselves nohov He actilly beats all the onruly animals I ever seed in my life. We says I,* 1 told you so, minister — I didn't want to sell him to you at al but you would have him. I know you did, said he; but you larfed all the time I thought you was in jeest. I thought you didn't care sell him, and gist said so to put me off, jokin like : I had no idee y( were in airnest : I wouldn't give ten pounds for him. Nor I neithe said I; I wouldn't take him as a gift, and be bound to keep hir How could you then, said he, have the conscience to ax me fif pounds for him, and pocket it so coolly ? To prevent you from buy him, parson, said I, that was my reason. I did all I could for yo I axed you five times as much as he was worth, and said all I con. think on to run him down too? but 9/o?i took yourself in. Then; two ways of tellin a thing, said he, Mr. Slick, — in airnest and i jeest. You told it as if you were in jeest, and I took it so ; you m- call it what you like, but I call it a deception still. Parson, says, how many ways you may have of tellin a thing I don'tknow; bu: have only one, and that's the true way : I told you the truth, but yi didn't choose to believe it. Now, says I, I feel kinder sorry for you to; but I'll tell you how to get out o' the scrape. I can't take him bac, or folks would say it was me and not you that cheated yourself. ) you ship him. You can't sell him here without doin the fair thii, as I did, tellin all his faults; and if you do no soul would takehims a present, for people will believe you, tho' it seems they won't alw.s believe a Clockmaker. Gist send him off to the West Indgies, ai sell him at auction therefor what he will fetch. He'll bring a gel price, and if he gets into a rael right down genu/yiw^ horseman's ban , there's no better horse. He said nothin, but shook his head, af that eat wouldn't jump. Now, says I, there's another bit of advice I'll give you free griS for nothin, — never buy a horse on the deaUr s judgment, or he 'ill cheat you if he can; never buy him on your own, or you millcfS yourself as sure as you are horn. In that case, said he, larfiia man will be sure to be cheated either way : how is he to guard a{ n bein taken in then ? Well, says I, he stands a fair chance any ^ y of bavin the leake put into him — that's sartain, for next to wonn kind there is nothin so deceitful as horse-flesh that ever I seed ;t. Both on e'm are apt to be spoiled in the breakin ; both on 'em pu:le rr TAKINt: OFF TME FACTORY LADIUS. 245 ' ilhe best judges sometimes to tell their age when well vamped up, and ! }t takes some time alore you find out all their tricks. Pedigree must ^e attended to in botii cases, |)articularly on the mother's side, and I loth require good trainin, a steady hand, and careful usage. Yes; "th branches re(juire great experience, and the most knowin ones -:et bit sometimes most beautihilly. Well, says he, as touchin orses, how is a man to avoid bein deceived? Well, says I, I'll tell you * '-never buy a horse of a total stranger on no account, — never buy ' ' horse of a gentleman, for Why, said he, he's the very '' !ian 1 should like to buy of, above all others. Well, then, says " ^, he's not the man for my money anyhow ! you think you are safe ' 'rith him, and don't inquire enough, and take too much for granted : ' jou are apt to cheat yourself in that case. Never buy a crack horse ; * le's done too much. Never buy a colt; he's done too little; you ' ian't toll how he'll turn out. In short, says I, it's a considerable ' if a long story to go all through with it; it would take me less time to ' l)ach you how to make a clock, I calculate. If you buy from a man '! I'ho ain't a dealer, he actilly don't know whether his horse is a good I* ine or not; you must get advice from a friend who does know-. If ^ ;ou buy from a dealer, he is too much for you or your friend either. " {f he has no honour don't trade with him. If he has, put yourself * Vholly and entirely on it, and he'll not deceive you, there's no mis- » ike — he'll do the thing genteel. If you'd a' axed me candidly now V toout.that are horse, says I — At that he looked up at me quite hard t«i jiraspace, without sayin a word, but pressed his Irj^s together quite ;« jiilTy like, as if he was astrivin for to keep old Adam down, and turned ml iiort od'and walked away. I felt kinder pity for him too; but if a i ,ian will cheat himself in spite of all you can do, why there is no jelp for it, as I see, but to let him. Do you, squire ? CHAPTER LI. TAKi>G OFF THE FACTORY LADIES. j There are few countries in the world, squire, saidthcClockm«k- I', got such fine water powers as these provinces; but the folks !)n't make no use of 'em, tho' the materials for factories are spread l)out in abundance everywhere. Perhaps the whole world might iiili !; stumped to produce such a factory stand as Niagara Falls; what ^ ['nation sight of machinery that would carry, wouldn't it? — supply j# II Birmingham a' most. d ' The first time I returned from there, minister said, Sam, said he, ff 'avc you seen the falls of Niagara? Yes, sir, said I, I guess I have, 24G THE CLOCKMAKER. Well, said he, ain't it a'inost a grand sight that? I guess it is a set, says I, and it would be a grand speck to get up a joint stock compar for factory purposes, for such another place for mills ain't to j found atween the poles. Oh dear 1 said I, only think of the carci mills, fullin mills, cotton mills, grain mills, saw mills, plais!r mills, and gracious knows what sort o' mills might be put up thei, and never fail for water; any fall you like, and any power you wai, and yet them goneys the British let all run away to waste. It'a dreadful pity, ain't it? Oh Sam ! said he, — and hejumped as if » was bit by a sarpent right up on eend, — now don't talk so profat, my sakes 1 — don't talk so sacrilegious. How that dreadful thirst' gain has absorbed all other leelins in our people, when such an idj could be entertained for a moment. It's a grand spectacle, — is the voice of natur in the wilderness, proelaimin to the untutoil tribes thereof the power and majesty and glory of God. It is c(- secrated by the visible impress of the great invisible architect. lis sacred ground — a temple not made by hands. It cannot be vievsl without fear and tremblin, nor contemplated without wonder ai awe. It proclaims to man, as to Moses of old, ' Draw not nil hither, put o(T thy shoes from off thy feet, for the place where tlij standest is holy ground. * He who appeared in ilame of fire in le bush, and the bush was not consumed, appears also in the rush! water, and the water diminishes not. Talk not to me of mills, fj- tories, and machinery, sir, nor of introducin the money-changers iio the temple of the Lord. Talk not. — You needn't go, said I, minist, for to work yourself up that way ag'in me, I do assure you, for I did t mean to say anything out o* the way at all, so come now. And nv you do mention it, says I, it does seem kinder grand-like — that e great big lake does seem like an everlastin large milk pan with ap for pourin at the falls, and when it does fall head over heels, all wte froth and spray like Phoebe's syllabub, it does look grand, no dout, and it's nateral for a minister to think on it as you do; but still for II that, for them that ain't preachers, I defy most any man to seet, without thinkin of a cotton mill. Well, well, said he, awavin of his hand, say no more aboutt, and he walked into his study and shut to the door. He warn't Le other men, minister. He was full of crotchets that way, and le sight of the sea, a great storm, a starry sky, or even a mere flowr, would make him fly right off at the handle that way when 'U warn't athinkin on it at all; and yet for all that he was the nst cheerful critter I ever seed, and nothin a' most pleased him so m'h as to see young folks enjoyin themselves as merry as crickets. le used to say that youth, innocence, and cheerfulness was what is meant by the three graces. It was a curious kink, too, he took abut them falls, warn't it? for, arter all, atween you and me, it's nolin Ill llig 1" L 10 I TAKING OFF THE FACTORY LADIES. 247 but a river taken over a clilTfull split, instead of runnin down hill tho •old way; — I never hear tell of '<>in I don't think, of that f.intniiu of hisn. Our factories in New England are one of the hest fruits of the last war, squire, said he; they are nctilly worth seein. 1 know I have reason to speak well of 'em any how, for it was them gave ino my 2 ! first start in life, and a plea.>^ant start it wa.s too, as well as a prolitable one. I spent upwards of a year there among the galls, atakin of them oil in the portrait line, and in that time I cleared three hundred pounds of your money good : it warn't so bad that, was it? When I was down to Rhode Island larnin bronzin, gildin, and , skelchin for the clock business, I worked at odd times for the llo- ' ■ nourable Eli Wad, a foundationalist — a [)ainting for him. A founda- . 'tionalist, said I; what is that? — is it a religious sect? No, said . jhe; it's a bottom maker. He only made bottoms, he didn't make ', arms and leus, and he sold these wooden bottoms to the chair-makers. J He did 'em by a sarcular saw and a turnin lathe, and he turned 'em oCf amazin' quick; he made a fortin out of the invention, for he shipped 'em to every part of the Union. The select men objected to hi^ sign of bottom maker; they said it didn't sound pretty, and he altered it to foundationalist. That was one cause the speck turned out so well, for every one that seed it a'most stopt to inquire what it '"' 'meant, and it brought his patent into great vogue; many's the larf =*^" ? folks had over that sign, I tell you. ^ ! So, said he, when I had done, Slick, said he, you've a considerable " 'of a knack with the brush, it would be a grand speck for you to go to *' 'Lowell and take off the factory ladies: you know what the women " 'are, — most all on 'em will want to have their likeness taken. The '* 'whole art of portrait paintin, says he, as far as my observation goes, "'' 'lies in a free sketch of the leadin featur. Give it good measure : do '" 'you take? No, says I, I don't onderstand one word of it. Well, says "" 'he, what I mean is this; see what the leadin featur is, and exag- '* 'gerale that, and you have a striking likeness. If the nose is large, Igist make it a littU' more so; if there is a slight cast o' the eye, give il* 'it a squint; a strong line in the face, deepen it; a big mouth, enlarge "' it; a set smile, make it a smirk; a high cheek bone, sqtiare it out '" 'well. Reciprocate this by paintin the rest o' the face a little hand- ^ isomer, and you have it complete; you'll never fail — there's no mis- Id itake. Dead colorin, with lots of varnish, will do for that market, tKi land six dollars apiece for the pictur's is about the fair deal for the »i 'price. If you don't succeed, I will give my head for a foot-ball. fc I You'll hear 'em all say, Oh 1 that's her nose to a hair, — that's her K' >cye exactly; you could tell that mouth anywhere, that smile you it I could swear to as far as you can see it, — it's a most a beautiful like- :» !ness. She's taken olT complete — it's as natural as life. You could 218 THE CLOCKMAKER, do one at a sittin, or six a week, as easy as kiss my hand, and I'l athinkin you'd find it answer a good eend, and put y©u in funds 1: a start in the clock line. But, Sam, says he, aputtin of his hand on my shoulder, and looh me strong in the face, mind your eye, my boy ; mind you don't ^t tangled in the deep sea grass, so you can't clear hand or foot. The; are some plaguy pretty galls there, and some on 'em have savedi considerable round sum too; don't let 'em walk into you now afc; you know where you be. Young gentlemen are scarce in New En- land, sweethearts ain't to be had for love nor money, and a goo- lookin fellow like you, with five hundred pair of pretty little goo- natured longin eyes on him, is in a fair way o' gettin his flint fix(, I tell you. Marriage won't do for you, my hearty, till you've sel the world 'and made somethin handsum. To marry for moneys mean, to marry without it is folly, and to marry both young ai poor is downright madness ; so hands ofl", says you ; love to all. It none in partiklar. If you find yourself agettin spooney, thr? brush, palette, and paint over the falls, and ofT full split ; changef air and scene to cure love, consumption, or the blues, must be tafca airly in the disease, or it's no good. An ounce o' prevention is wod a pound o' cure. Recollect, too, when you are married, you are td by the leg, Sam; like one of our sodger disarters, you have a chn adanglin to your foot, with a plaguy heavy shot to the eend of it. ;t keeps you to one place most all the time, for 70U can't carnij with you, and you can't leave it behind you, and you can't do not!n with it. If you think you can trust yourself, go ; if not, stay where you ). It's a grand school, tho', Sam; you'll know somethin of hunn iiatur when you leave Lowell, I estimate, for they'll lam you hw to cut your eye-teeth them galls ; you'll see how wonderful the wfs of womankind is, for they do beat all — that's sartin. Well, dow I went to Lowell, and arter a day or two spent avisitin the factors, and gettin introduced to the ladies, I took a room and sot up my eal, and I had as much work as ever I could cleverly turn my hand o. Most every gall in the place had her likeness taken ; some warid 'em to send to home, some to give to a sweetheart to admire, id some to hang up to admire themselves. The best of the joke vs, every gall had an excuse for bein there. They all seemed as if tjy thought it warn't quite genteel, a little too much in the help ste. One said she came for the benefit of the lecturs at the Lycem. another to carry a little sister to dancin school, and a third to asst the fund for foreign missions, and so on, but none on 'em to W(k. Some on 'em lived in large buildings belongin to the factory, |(fi pthers in little cottages — three or four in a house. * \ recollect two or three days arter I arrived, I went to call on j^a? , TAKING OFF THE FACTOUV LADIES. 240 I iNaylor, I know down to Sqiiantuin, and she axod mc to come and ' 'drink tea with Iut and the two ladies that lived with her. So in the ovenin I put on my betterniost elolhes and went down to tea. This, 1 isays she, introducin of nie to the ladies, is Mr. Slick, a nalkr artist I (of great promise, and one that is self-taught too, that is come to take ( lus olT; and this is Miss Jemima Potts of Milldam, in Umhagog; and I ilhis is Miss IJinah Dooly, a lady from lndt;ian Scalp Varmont. Your i 'sarvant, ladies, says 1; I hope I see you well. Beautiful factory i ithis, it whips English all lioller; our free and enlightened citizens I ihave exhibited so much skill, and our intelligent and enterprisin it tladies, says I (with a smile and a how to each), so much science and i itaste, that I reckon we might stump the univarsal world to ditto > iLowell. It sartainly is one of the wonders of the world, says Miss ( (Jemima Potts ; it is astonishing how jeaJous the English are, it makes I i'em so ryled they can't bear to praise it at all. There was one on ,: '"em agoin thro' the large cotton factory to-day with Judge Beler, and i isays the Judge to him, now don't this astonish you? said he; don't f lit exceed any idea you could have formed of it? you must allow there i lis nofhin like it in Europe, and yet this is only in its infancy — it's I pnly gist begun. Come now, confess the fact, don't you feel that the ti "sun of England is set for ever — her glory departed to set up its li istandard in the new world? Speak candidly now% for I should like it to hear what you think. It certainly is a respectable effort for a iir :young country with a thin population, said he, and a limited capital, nt |ind is creditable to the skill and enterprise of New England ; but as 'for rivalry, it's wholly out of the question, and he looked as mad as I f he could asw allercd a wild cat alive. Well, well, said the Judge, I flarfin, for he is a sweet-tempered, dear man, and the politest one gl |too I ever knew, I don't altogether know as it is gist fair to ask you ;i |;o admit a fact so humhiin to your national pride, and so mortifyin ^ io your feelins as an Englishman ; but I can easily conceive how tjf ihunderstruck you must have been on enterin this town at its pro- it iligious power, its great capacity, its wonderful promise. It's gene- ^ rally allowed to be the first thing of the kind in the world. But ^ jfthat are you alookin at, Mr. Slick? said she; is there anything on H jiiy cheek? I was only athinkin, says I, how difTicult it would be {(1 io paint such a'mosta beautiful complexion, to infuse into it thesoft- ilt 'less and richness of natur's colorin ; I'm most afeerd and it would be ili j)eyond my art — that's a fact. -J I Oh, you artists do flatter so, said she ; tho' flattery is a part of your jj profession I do believe; but I'm e'en a'most sure there is somethin fH i»r another on my face, — and she got up and looked into the glass to -j [atisfy herself. It would a'done you good, squire, too see how it did ' I -atisfy her loo. How many of the ladies have you taken off? said jUjHiss Dooly. I have only painted three, said I, yet; but I have thirty 250 THE CLOCRMAKER. bespoke. How ti^ould you like to be painted, said I, miss? On white horse, said she, accompanying of my father, the general, to tt review. And you, said I, Miss Naylor? Astudyin Judge Naylo my uncle's specimens, said she, in the library. Says Miss Jemim I should like to be taken off in my brother's barge. What is h( said I, for he would have to have his uniform on. He? said she ;- why, he is a — and she looked away and coloured up like anything- he's an officer, sir, said she, in one of our national ships. Yes, mis said I, I know that ; but officers are dressed accordin to their grad you know, in our sarvice. We must give him the right dres What is his grade? The other two ladies turned round and giggle and Miss Jemima hung down her head and looked foolish. Sa Miss Naylor, why don't you tell him, dear? No, says she, I won' do you tell him. No, indeed, said Miss NaylOr; he is not my br ther ; you ought to know best w\iat he is ; — do you tell him yourse Oh, you know very well, Mr. Slick, said she, only you make as you didn't, to poke fun at me and make me say it. I hope I may shot if I do, says I, miss; I never heerd tell of him afore, and if is an officer in our navy, there is one thing I can tell you, says you needn't be ashamed to call one of our naval heroes your brothf nor to tell his grade neither, for there ain't an office in the sarvi) that ain't one of honour and glory. The British can whip all t) world, and we can whip the British. Well, says she, alookin down and takin up her handkerchief, al turnin it eend for eend to read the marks in the corner of it, to p, if it was hern or not, — if I 'must, then I suppose I must; he isr rooster swain then, but it's a shame to make me. A rooster swai! says I; well, I vow I never heerd that grade afore in all my bci days; I hope I may die if I did. What sort of a swain is a roosr swain? How you do act, Mr. Slick, said she; ain't you ashami of yourself? Do, for gracious sake, behave, and not carry i so like Old Scratch. You arc goin too far now; ain't he, Ms Naylor? Upon my word I don't know what you mean, said Ms Naylor, affectin to look as innocent as a female fox; I'm not usedo sea-tarms, and I don't onderstand it no more than he does ; and Ms Dooly got up a book, and began to read and rock herself bat- ward and forward in a chair, as regilar as a Mississippi sawyer, cd as demure as you please. Well, thinks I, what onder the sun (ii she mean? for I can't make head or tail of it. A rooster swain - a rooster swain I says I ; do tell Well, says she, you make le feel quite spunky, and if you don't stop this minuit, I'll go right it of the room ; it ain't fair to make game of me so, and I don't thik you for it one mite or morsel. Says I, miss, I beg your pardon ; H take my davy I didn't mean no offence at all; but, upon my w'd and honour, I never heerd the word rooster swain afore, and I d< 't TAKING OFF THE FACTORY LADIES. '251 (I jiican to larf at your hroflior or lease you neither. Well, says she, 1,111 |[ sunpose you never will ha' done, so turn away your lace and I ■will liijl jell you. And she got up and turned my head round wilh her hands eini vO the wall, and the other two ladies started out, and said they'd go iiii «nd see arter the tea. ilt j Well, says I, are you ready now, miss? Yes, said she ; — a rooster III jwain, if you must know, you wicked critter you, is a cockswain; a ij,i jvord you know'd well enough warn't fit for a lady to speak ; so take rai ;hat to remember it by, — and she fetched mo a deuce of a clip on the tj jide of the face, and ran out of the room. Well, I swear I could »i^ (lardly keep from larfin right out, to find out arter all it was nothin , i ,i)ut a coxswain she made such a louss about ; but I felt kinder sorry, n |oo, to have bolhered her so, for I recollect there was the same dif- ml iculty among our ladies last war about the name of the English Oi ,)fricer that took Washington; they called him always the 'British iei jVdmiral,' and there warn't a lady in the Union would call him by DU lame. I'm a great friend to decency, — a very great friend indeed, BiJ! iquire, — for decency is a manly varluj; and to delicacy, for delicacy ^ ^aleminine vartue; but as for squeamishness, rat me if it don't y jDake me sick. SI, ) There was two little rooms behind the keepin room; one was a jj lantry, and t'other a kitchen. It was into the fardest one the ladies pent to get tea ready, and presently they brought in the things and j({ |0t them down on the table, and we all got sociable once more. Gist D )s we began conversation ag'in. Miss Jemima Potts said she must JK jo and bring in the cream jug. Well, up I jumps, and follers her J, jUt, and says I, pray let me, miss, wait upon you; it ain't fair for jjI |he ladies Fo do this when the gentlemen are by,— is it? Why didn't j^ ,ou call on me? I overtook her gist at the kitchen door. But this .|j ,oor-way, said I, is so plaguy narrer, — ain't it? There's hardly ^ lOom for two to pass without their lips atouchin, is there? Ain't you j jshamed? said she; I believe you have broke my comb in two, — yj jhat's a fact; — but don't do that ag'in, said she, awhisperin, — that's j dear man ; Miss Dooly will hear you, and tell every lady in the ,1 jictory, for she's plaguy jealous ; — so let me pass now. One more , j3 make friends, said I, miss. Hush ! SRid she, — there — let me go ; ^ jnd she put the jug in my hand, and then whipped up a plate herself, jfld back into the parlour in no time. ; A curtain, says I, ladies (as I sot down ag'in), or a book-shelf, I ,:ould introduce into the pictur, but it would make it a work o' great jimeand expense, to do it the way you speak of; and besides, said I, j.'ho would look at the rest if the face was well done? for one thing, will say, three prettier farces never was seen painted on canvass. j)h, Mr. Slick, says they, how you bam ! — ain't you ashamed ? Fact, .jys I, ladies, upon my honour ; — a fact, and no mistake. If you 25-2 THE CLOCKMAKER; ■would allow me, ladies, said I, to suggest, I think hair done up high long tortoise-shell comb, with flowers on the top, would become you Miss Naylor, and set ofl" your fine Grecian face grand. A fashion- able mornin cap, lined with pink and trimmed with blue bows, wouk set off your portrait. Miss Dooly, and become your splendid Romat profile complete. And what for me? said Jemima. If I might bi so bold, said I, I would advise leavin out the comb in your case, miss said I, as you are tall, and it might perhaps be in the way, and b( broke in two (and I pressed her foot onder the table with mine) and I would throw the hair into long loose nateral curls, and let th( nock and shoulders be considerable bare, to give room for a pear necklace, or coral beads, or any little splendid ornament of that kind Miss Jemima looked quite delighted at this idea, and, jumpin up exclaimed, Dear me, said she, I forgot the sugar-tongs 1 I'll gis go and fetch 'em. Allow me, says I, miss, follerin her; but ain't i funny, tho', says I, too, that we should gist get scroudged ag'in ii this very identical little narrer door-way, — ain't it? How you act said she ; now this is too bad ; that curl is all squashed, I declare; won't come out ag'in to-night, I now. Nor I neither then, said I larfin; let them that wants things go for *em. Then you couldn' introduce the specimens, could you? said Miss Naylor. The judge my uncle, has a beautiful collection. When he was in business as, master mason, he built, the great independent Democratic Sove reignty Hall at Sam Patchville (a noble bmildin that, Mr. SUck,- it's generally allowed to be the first piece of architecture in th world) . He always broke off a piece of every kind of stone used i the building, and it makes a'most a complete collection. If I coul he taken off at a table astudyin and asortin 'em into primary forma tions, secondary formations, and trap, I should like it amazinly. Well, says I, I'll do the best I can to please you, miss, for I neve hear of secondary formations without pleasure, — that's a fact. Th ladies, you know, are the secondary formation, for they were forme arter man, and as for trap, says I, if they ain't up to that, it's a pit^ Why, as I'm alive, said I, if that ain't the nine o'clock bell : well, ho^ time has flow'd, hasn't it? I suppose I mustbe amovin, as it is gel tin on considerable late, but I must say I've had a most delightfi evenin as ever I spent in my life. When a body, says I, finds bin self in a circle of literary and scientific ladies, he takes no note < time, it passes so smooth and quick. Now, says I, ladies, excuse ir for mentionin a little bit of business, but it is usual in my professio to be paid one half in advance; 'but with the ladies I dispense wit that rule, says I, on one condition, — I receive a kiss as airnest. 01 Mr, Slick, said they, how can you? No kiss, no pictur, says I. 1 that an invariable rule? says they. I never deviated from it ia ni life, said I, especially where the ladies arc so beautiful as my kin TAKING OFF THE FACTORY LADIES. 233 iends here to-night are. Thank you, my sweet Miss Naylor, said I. sh, did you ever — ? said she. And you also, dear Miss Dooly. Oh, |y sakes, said she, how ondecentl I wish I could take my pay al- crether in that coin, said I. Well, you'll get no such airnest from I', I can tell you, said Miss Jemima, and ofl'sho sot and darted out tiie room like a kitten, and l arter her. Oh ! that dear little narrer MU-way seems made on purpose, said I, don't it? Well, I hopo u are satisfied now, said she, you forward, impudent critter; you've .ken away my breath a'most. Good night, ladies, said I. Good jght, Mr. Slick, says they; don't forget to call and take us olTfo- jorrow at intermission. And, says Miss Jemima, walkin out as far I the gate with me, when not better engaged, we shall be happy to je you sociably to tea. Most happy. Miss, said I; only I fear I shall dl offener than will be agreeable; but, dear me! says I, I've forgot •methin I declare, and I turned right about. Perhaps you have for- )t it, in the little narrer door-way, said she, alarfin and asteppin ickwards, and holdin up both hands to fend olT. What is it? said ,16, and she looked up as saucy and as rompy as you please. Why, ud I, that dreadful, horrid name you called your brother. What as it? for I've forgot it, I vow. Look about and find out, said she; j's what you ain't, and never was, and never will be, and that's a pnilenian. You are a nasty, dirty, ondecent man, — that's flat, and . youdon't like it you may lump it, so there now for you — good night. jUt stop — shake hands afore you go, said she; let's part friends, and he held out her hand. Gist as I was agoin to take it, it slipt up jke flash by my face, and tipt my hat off over my shoulder, and as: (turned and stooped to pick It up, she up with her little foot and lefc iie have it, and pitched me right over on my knees. It was done ass Ijick as wink. Even and quit now, said she, as good friends as ever. ne, said I. But hush, said she ; that critter has the ears of a mole, iJ the eyes of a lynx. What critter? said I. Why, that frightful, j^ly varment witch, Binah Dooly, if she ain't acomin out here, as |m a livin sinner. Come again soon — that's a dear — good nightl— < jnd she sailed back as demure as if nothin had ahappened. Yes, jiuire, the Honourable Eli Wad, the foundationalisl, was right when je said I'd see sunthin of human natur among the factory galls. The rays of woman kind are wonderful indeed. This was my first lesson, Jiat squeamislbtiess and indelicacy are of ten found united; in short, >.at in manners, as in other thinys, extremes meet. 254 THE CLOCKIMAKER CHAPTER LII. THE SCHOOLMASTER ABROAD. The road from Chester to Halifax is one of the worst in the pn vince; and daylight failing us before we made the half of our journe- we were compelled to spend the night at a small unlicensed hous the occasional resort of fishermen and coasters. There was but oi room in the shanty, besides the kitchen and bed-room ; and that on though perfectly clean, smelt intolerably of smoked salmon thatga nished its rafters. A musket, a light-fowling piece, and a hea^ American rifle, were slung on the beams that supported the floor the garret ; and snow-shoes, fishing-rods, and small dip-nets wit long ash handles, were secured to the wall by iron hooks. Altog( ther it had a sporting appearance, that indicated the owner to be oi of those amphibious animals to whom land or; water is equal natural, and who prefer the pleasures of the chase and the fishei to the severer labour but more profitable employment of tilling tl soil. A few fancy articles of costly materials and superior wort manship that ornamented the mantel-piece and open closet (probab presents from the gentlemen of the garrison at Halifax), shewed th. there were sometimes visitors of a different description from theord nary customers. As the house was a solitary one, and situated . the head of a deep, well-sheltered inlet, it is probable that smuggli may have added to the profits, and diversified the pursuits of tl owner. He did not, however, make his appearance. He he gone, his wife said, in his boat that afternoon to Margaret's bay, distance of eight miles, to procure some salt to cure his fish, ar would probably not return before the morning. I've been here before, you see, squire, said Mr. Slick, pointing to wooden clock in the corner of the room ; folks that have nothin' do like to see how the time goes, — and a man who takes a glass grog at twelve o'clock is the most punctual feller in the world. Tl draft is always honoured when it falls due. But who have we her( As he said this, a man entered the room, carrying a small bund in his hand, tied up in a dirty silk pocket-handkerchief. He w. dressed in an old suit of rusty black, much the worse for wea His face bore the marks of intemperance, and he appeared mm fatigued with his journey, which he had performed alone and on foe I hope I don't intrude, gentlemen, said he; but you seeDulbanty,po fellow, has but one room, and poverty makes us acquainted wi strange bed-fellows sometimes. Brandy, my little girl, and some co^ THE SCHOOLMASTER ABROAD. '^55 rter; take it out of the north side of the well, my dear, — and, — do y^i hear, — bequick, for I'm choked witli the dust. Gentlemen, wili yn take some brandy and water? said he. Dulhanty always keeps sine good brandy, — none o' your wretched Yankee peach brandy, tilt's enough to pyson a horse, but real Cogniak. Well, I don't ce if I do, said Mr. Slick. Arter you, sir. By your leave, the titer, sir. Gentlemen, all your healths, said the stranger. Good I bmdy that, sir; you had better take another glass before the water » g;s warm, — and he helped himself again most liberally. Then, 'i ti.ing a survey of the Clockmaker and myself, observed to Mr. a Sck, that he thought he had seen him before. Well, it's not on- ili Itcly; — where? !t i\h, that's the question, sir ; I cannot exactly say where. li jNor I neither. ffl IWhich way may you be travellin? Down east, 1 expect? i\ jWhich way are you from then? Somewhere down south? ik jThe traveller again applied himself to brandy and wator. k lAhcm! then you are from Lunenburg? If jWell, I wont say I warn't at Lunenburg? Ii lAhem I pretty place that Lunenburg ; but they speak Dutch. D — n B ti3 Dutch; I hate Dutch : there's no language like English. r iThen I suppose you are going ^o Halifax? o( (Well, I won't say I wont go to Halifax afore I return, neither. a }A nice town that Halifax — good fish market there ; but they are It) lit like the English fish a'ter all. Halibut is a poor substitute I i' the good old English turbot. Where did you say you were IK Ij'ra, sir? d jl don't gist altogether mind that I said I was from any place [, i| partikilar, but from down south last. j, jAhem! your health, sir; perhaps you are like myself, sir, a I ganger, and have no home : and, after all, there is no home like iigland. Pray what part of England are you from ? jr |I estimate I'm not from England at all. li il'm sorry for you, then : but where the devil are you from? ^ !ln a general way folks say I'm from the States. ; iKnock them down then, d — n them. If any man was to insult ,^ je by calling me a Yankee, I'd kick him; but the Yankees have u f seat of honour to kick. If I hadn't been thinkin more of my ]i, iandy and water than your answers, I might have known you jsre a Yankee by your miserable evasions. They never give a jraight answer — there's nothing straight about them, but their jng backs, — and he was asleep in his chair, overcome by the united .Vects of the heat, the brandy, and fatigue. j That's one o' their schoolmasters, said Mr. Slick ; and it's no jonder the Blue-noses are such 'cute chaps when they got such ire HI jteiU 256 THE CLOCKMAKER. masters as that are to teach the young idea how to shoot. The critter has axed more questions in ten minutes than if he was a full- blooded Yankee, tho' he does hate them so />^(?ow?errully. He's aa ' Englishman, and, I guess, has seen better days; but he is ruinated by drink now. When he is about half shaved he is an everlastia quarrelsom critter, and carries a most plaguy oncivil tongue in his head : that's the reason I didn't let on where I came from, for he hates us like pyson. But there ain't many such critters here;' the English don't emigrate here much, — they go to Canada or the States : and it's strange too, for, squire, this is the best location iH' all America, is Nova Scotia, if the British did but know it. . ' It will have the greatest trade, the greatest population, the most'''"''!"* manufacturs,and the most wealth of any state this side of the water. '""'''' The resources, nateral advantages, and political position of this place beat all. Take it all together, I don't know gist such a country in the universal world a' most. What! Nova Scotia? said I; this poor little colony, this Ultima Thule of America, — what is ever to make it a place of any consequence? Everything, squire, said he, everything ^^^' that constitutes greatness. I wish we had it, — that's all ; and we will »«' have it too some o' these days, if they don't look sharp. In the first' ta""' place it has more nor twice as many great men-o'-war harbours in it," """ccii capable of holdin' the whole navy in it, stock, lock, and barrel, than ' d's'slf we have from Maine to Mexico, besides innumerable small harbours,: wite, island lees, and other shelters, and it's gist all but an island itself; iefve and most all the best o' their harbours don't freeze up at no time.: jiHtie It ain't shut up like Canada and our back country all winter, but you can in and out as you please; and it's so intersected with rivers and lakes, most no part of it is twenty miles from navigable water to the sea, — and then it is the nearest point of our continent to Europe. All that, said I, is very true; but good harbours, though necessary for trade, are not the only things requisite in commerce But it's in the midst of the fisheries, squire, — all sorts of fisheriei too. River fisheries of shad, salmon, gasperaux, and herring- shore fishery of mackerel and cod — bank fishery, and Labrado fishery. Oh dear! it beats all, and they don't do nothin with 'em but leave 'em to us. They don't seem' to think 'em worth havii or keepin, for government don't protect 'em. See what a schoo for seamen that is, to man the ships to fill the harbours. Then look at the beeowels of the airth : only think of the coal ; an( it's no use atalkin, that's the only coal to supply us that we can rel; on. Why, there ain't nothin like it. It extends all the way fron Bay of Fundy right out to Pictou, thro' the province, and then unde all the island of Cape Breton; and some o' them seams are the big- gest, and thickest, and deepest ever yet discovered since the worb began. Beautiful coal it is too. Then natur has given 'em mos tee ta THE SCHOOLMASTER ABROAD. 237 ^raiid aliiiiulant iron-ore, here and there and everywhere, and wood Hid coal to work it. Only think <>' them two things in sucli abun- l;iiue, and a country possessed ol" lirst chop-water powers every- .\ liere, and then tell me Providence hasn't laid the foundation of a nunufactorin nation here. But that ain't all. Gist see the plaster )!" Paris, what almighty big heaps of it there is here. We use already iiiire nor a hundred and fifty thousand tons of it a-year for maiuirt', ind we shall want ten times that quantity yet, — we can't do without t : it has done more for us than steam ; it has made our barren lands lortile, and whole tracts habitable, that never would have been worth 1 i(Mit an acre without it. It will go to South America and the West Iiidgies yet — it is the magic wand — it's the philosopher's stone; I hope I may be shot if it ain't : it turns all it touches into gold. See what a sight of vessels it takes to carry a great bulky article like that, — what a sight of men it employs, what a host of folks it feeds, what a batch of sailors it bakes, what hardy tars for the wooden walls L)f Old England. But Old England is as blind as a bat, and Blue- nose is a puppy only nine days old ; he can't see yet. If the critter was well trained, had his ears cropped and tongue wormed, he might turn out a decent-lookin whelp yet, for the old one is a good nurse and feeds well. Well, then, look at the lead, copper, slate (and as ;for slate, they may stump Wales, I know, to produce the like), granite, grindstone, freestone, lime, manganese, salt, sulphur. Why, they've got everything but enterprise, and that I do believe in my soul they expect to find a mine of, and dig up out of the ground as they do coal. But the soil, squire, where will you find the like o' that? A considerable part of it along the coast is poor, no doubt; but it's the fishin side o' the province, and therefore it's all right; but the bay side is a tearin, rippin fine country. Them dyke mashes I have raised hay and grain year arter year now for a whole centery without manure, and I guess will continue to do so from July to letarnity. Then natur has given them that sea-mud, salt sand, sea- \ .weed, and river sludge for dressin their upland, so that it could he ' I made to carry wheat till all's blue again. ■I If it possesses all these advantages you speak of, said I, it vill I i doubtless be some day or another both a populous and rich country; , but still it does not appear to me that it can be compared to the country of the Mississippi. Why, squire, said he, if you was once to New (Orleens I think you wouldn't say so. That is a great country, no doubt, too great to compare to a small province like this ; great re- sources, great river, fertile land, great trade ; but the climate is awful, and the emigrant people ain't much better than the climate. The folks at New Orleens put me in mind of children playin in a churchyard, jumpin over the graves, hidin behind the tombs, alarfin at the emblems of mortality and the queer old rhymes under 'em, all 17 258 THE CLOCK MAKER. n full of life, and glee, and fun above ground, while onderneath it is a great charnel-house, full of winding sheets, skeletons, and generations of departed citizens. That are place is built in a bar in the harbour, made of snags, driftwood, and chokes, heaped up by the river, and then filled and covered with the sediment and alluvial of the rich bottoms above, brought down by the freshets. It's peopled in the same way. The eddies and tides of business of all that country centre there, and the froth and scum are washed up and settle at New Orleens. It's filled with all sorts of people, black, white, and Ind- gians, and their different shades, French, Spanish, Portuguese, and Dutch; English, Irish, and Scotch, and then people from every state in the Union. These last have all nicknames. There s the hoosiers of Indiana, the suckers of Illinoy, the pukes of Missuri, the buckeys of Ohio, the red horses of Kentucky, the mudheads of Tenessee, the wolverines of Michigan, the eels of New England, and the corn- crackers of Virginia. All these, with many others, make up the population, which is mottled with black and all its shades; 'most all too is supplied by emigration. It is a great caravansary filled with strangers, dissolute enough to make your hair stand an eend, drinkin all day, gamblin all night, and fightin all the time. Death pervades all natur there; it breathes in the air, and it floats on the water, anc rises in the vapours and exhalations, and rides on the whirlwind anc tempest : it dwells on the drought, and also in the inundation Above, below, within, around, everywhere is death ; but who knows or misses, or mourns the stranger? Dig a grave for him, and yoi plunge him into the water, — the worms eat the coffin, and the cro- codiles have the body. We have mills to Rhode Island with sarcula saws, and apparatus for makin packin-boxes. At one of these fac- tories they used to make 'em in the shape of coffins, and then the; sarved a double purpose ; they carried out inions to New Orleans, am then carried out the dead to their graves. That are city was made by the freshets. It's a chance if it ain' j ,f carried away by them. It may yet be its fate to be swept clean off b | ,;, 'em, to mingle once more with the stream that deposited it, an „ form new land further down the river. It may chance to be a spc ., to be pointed out from the steam-boats as the place where a great cit ,j once stood, and a great battle was once fought, in which the genii j,^ and valour of the new world triumphed over the best troops and bej jj ginerals of Europe. That place is gist like a hot-bed, and the foil i like the plants in it. People do grow rich fast; but they look kinde , jH spindlin and weak, and they are e'en a'most choked with weeds an ,, toad-stools, that grow every bit and grain as fast, — and twice as n; (,| teral. The Blue-noses don't know how to valy this location, squin j that's a fact, for it's a'most a grand one. j,j, What's a grand location? said the school-master, waking ii j», BT'HK SCHOOLMASTER AUIIOAD. 250 Nova Scotia, said Mr. Slick. I was just atellin of the squire, it's a 'grand location. D — n the location, said he; I hate the word ; it 'ain't English; there are no words like the English words. — Here, toy little girl, more brandy, my dear, and some fresh water; mind kVs fresh, — take it out of the bottom of the well — do you hear '? — the coldest spot in the well ; and be quick, for I'm burnt up with ' the heat to-day. Who's for a pull of grog ? suppose we have a pull, entlomen — a good pull, and a strong pull, and a pull altogether, 'ehl Here's to you, gentlemen! — ah, that's good 1 you are sure of ' 'good brandy here. I say, Mister Location, won't you moisten the '' tlay, eh ? — Come, my honest fellow ! I'll take another glass with ' \ou to our better acquaintance : — you won't, eh ? well, then, I'll apply your deficiency myself; here's luck! Where did you say you were from, sir? I don't mind that I indicated where I was '' !from gist in pitikilar. No, you didn't; but I twig you now, my boy, ''' 'Sam Slick, the clockmaker 1 And so you say this is a nice focation, *'' 'do you? Yes, it is a nice location for pride and poverty, for ignorance 'and assumption, for folly and vice. Curse the location! I say; 'there's no location like Old England. This is a poor man's country, sir; but not a rich man's, or a gentleman's. There's nothing this ^ 'side of the water, sir, approaching to the class of gentry. They have 'neither the feelings, the sentiments, nor the breeding. They know '"" 'nothing about it. What little they have here, sir, are second-hand '"* 'airs copied from poor models that necessity forces out here. It is ''!' 'the farce of high life below stairs, sir, played in a poor theatre to a •f" provincial audience. Poor as lam, humble as I am, and degraded as I tfii' -am, — for I am now all three, — I have seen better days, and was not al- ^^ .ways the houseless wanderer you now see me. I know what I am talking '''" about. There is nothing beyond respectable mediocrity here; there JJ" never can be, there is no material for it, there is nothing to support it. Some fresh water, my dear ; that horrid water is hot enough to IM scald one's throat. The worst of a colony is, sir, there is no field 0^1 for ambition, no room for talents, no reward for distinguished exer- !i" 'tions. It is a rich country for a poor man, and a poor country for aif 'a rich one. There is no permanent upper class of society here, or atij iany where else in America. There are rich men, learned men, pi agreeable men, liberal men, and good men, but very few gentlemen. lil* "The breed ain't pure; it is not kept long enough distinct to refine, eB Ito obtain the distinctive marks, to become generic. Dry work this kini 'talking ; — your health, gentlemen I a good fellow that Dulhanty,^- ii* suppose we drink his health? he always keeps good brandy, — there's asi 'not a headache in a gallon of it. sqi I What was I talking about? — Oh 1 I have it — the /ocation, as those drawling Yankees call it. Yes, instead of importing horses here iii:i *from England to improve the breed, they should import gentlemen ; 260 THE CLOCKMAKER. they want the true breed, they want blood. Yes, said the Clock- ,„| maker (whom I had never known to remain silent so long before), i [ T guess. Yes, d — n you! said the stranger, what do you know about it? — you know as much about a gentleman as a cat does of music. If you interrupt me again, I'll knock your two eyes into one, yoii clock-making, pumpkin-headed, peddling, cheating, Yankee vaga- bond. The sickly waxwork imitation of gentility here, the faded arti- ficial floweroffashion,thevulgar pretension, the contemptible struggle for precedence, make one look across the Atlantic with a longing after the freshness of nature, for life and its realities. All North America is ] a poor country, with a poorclimate. I would not give Ireland for the i^, wholeof it. This Nova Scotia is the best part of it, and has the greatest ^ resources ; but still there is no field in a colony for a man of talent and ^ ,. education. Little ponds never hold big fish, there is nothing but polly^. jj, wogs, tadpoles, and minims in them. Look at them as they swim thro* , „[,, the shallow water of the margins of their little muddy pool, following jj, -some small fellow an inch long, the leader of the shoal, that think* luij himself a whale, and if you do not despise their pretensions, you will, u at least, be compelled to laugh at their absurdities. Go to every le- ^^ gislature this side of the water from Congress to Halifax, and hear y the stufT that is talked. Go to every press, and see the stufT that is ^^ printed; go to the people, and see the stuff that is uttered or swallowed, ^, and then tell me this is a location for anything above mediocrity. What, a keeps you here, then? said Mr. Slick, if it is such an everlastin mi- ^ serable country as you lay it out to be. I'll tell you, sir, said he, jl and he drained off the whole of the brandy, as if to prepare for the J. effort — I will tell you what keeps me, and he placed his hands on _ his knees, and looking the Clockmaker steadily in the face until every .: i muscle worked with emotion — I'll tell you, sir, if you must know — j my misfortune. The effort and the brandy overpowered him ; he ^^ fell from his chair, and we removed him to a bed, loosened his cra- vat, and left him to his repose. It's a considerable of a trial, said the Clockmaker, to sit still anc listen to that cussed old critter, I tell you. If you hadn't abeen hen I'd agiv'n him a rael good quillin. I'd atanned his jacket for him I'd alarned him to carry a civil tongue in hishead, the nasty, drunk en, onmannerly, good-for-nothin beast; more nor once, I felt m; fingers itch to give him a slockdolager under the ear ; but he ain' worth mindin, I guess. Yes, squire, I won't deny but New Ov\een is a great place, a wonderful place ; but there are resources her beyond all conception, and its climate is as pleasant as any we have and a plaguy sight more healthy. I don't know what more you' ask, almost an island indented everywhere with harbours surrounde with fisheries. The key of the St. Lawrence, the Bay of Fund^ and the West Indgies ; — prime land above, one vast miner THE WRONG ROOM. 861 ('(I biMicalh, and a climate, over all, temperate, pleasant, and healthy, .1 that ain't enough for one place, it's a pity — that's all. CHAPTER Llir. THE WRONG ROOM. The next morning, the rain poured down in torrents, and it was en o'clock before we were able to resume our journey. I am glad, aid Mr. Slick, that cussed critter that schoolmaster hasn't yet woke ip. I'm most afeerd if he had aturned out afore we started, I should lave quilted him, for that talk of his last night sticks in my crop onsiderable hard. It ain't over easy to digest, I tell you ; fornothin I'most raises my dander so much as to hear a benighted, ignorant, md enslaved foreigner, belittle our free and enlightened citizens. Jul, see there, squire, said he, that's the first Indgian campment ve've fell in with on our journey. Happy fellers, them Indgians, )en't they? — they have no wants and no cares but food and cloathin, ind fishin and huntin supply them things easy. That tall one you 'lee spearin fish down in that are creek there, is Peter Paul, a most iplaguy 'cute chap. I mind the last time I was to Lunenberg, I feed him to the magistrate's, John Robar's : he laid down the law to he justice better than are a lawyer I have met with in the province .ct: he talked as clever a'most as Mr. Clay. I'll tell you what it vas : — Peter Paul had made his wigwam one winter near a brook on .he farm of James M'Nutt, and employed his time in coopering, and ised M'Nutt's timber, when he wanted any. Well, M'Nutt threatened send him to jail if he didn't move away, and Paul came to Robar' ax him whether it could be done. Says he, squire, — M'Nutt, he ;ame to me, and says he, Peter, what adevil you do here, d — n you? '[ say, I make 'em bucket, make 'em tub, may be basket, or axe 'landle, to buy me some blanket and powder and shot with — you no .vant some ? Well, he say, this my land, Peter, and my wood ; I Dought 'em, and pay money for 'em; I won't let you stay here and Cut my wood ; if you cut anoder stick, I send you to jail. Then I tell him I see what governor say to that: what you plant, that 'l 'yours; what you sow, that yours too; but you no plant 'em woods ; "} 'God — he plant 'em dat; he mak 'em river, too, for all mens, white 1" man and Indgian man — all same. God — he no give 'em river to ?! 'one man, — he make him run thro' all the woods. When you drink, "^' he run on and I drink, and then when all drink he run on to de sea. «s^ 'He no stand still — you no catch him — you no have him. If I cut u' 'down your apple-tree, then send me to jail, cause you plant 'em j 262 THE CLOCKMAKER. but if I cut down ash-tree, oak-tree, or pine-tree, in woods, I say- it's mine. If I cut 'em first — for tree in big woods like river — first cut him first have him. If God give 'em all to you, where is your writin, or bring somebody say he hear him say so, then I stop. I never kill your hog, and say I thought him one bear, nor your hen, and say him one partridge ; but you go kill my stock, my carriboo, and my moose. I never frighten away your sheep ; but you go chop wood, and make one d — d noise and frighten away bear ; so when I go to my trap I no find him there, and I lose him, and de skin and de meat loo. No two laws for you and me, but all same. You know JefTery — him big man to Halifax? — well, him very good man that; very kind to poor Indgian (when that man go to heaven, God will iti give him plenty backy to smoke, for that I know]. Well, he say, Peter Paul, when you want ash-tree, you go cut 'em down on my land when you like ; I give you leave. He very good man dat, but God give 'em afore JefTery was born. And by and by, I say, M'Nutt, you have 'em all. Indgian all die soon ; no more wood left — no fcaslii more hunt left ; he starve, and then you take all. Till then I take 'em wood that God plant for us, where I find 'em, and no thanks to you. It would puzzle a Philadelphia lawyer, to answer that, I guess, said Mr. Slick. That feller cyphered that out of human natur — the best book a man can study arter all, and the only true one ; — there's no two ways about it — there's never no mistake there. Queer critter, that Peter; he has an answer for every one; nothin ever da'nts or poses him ; but here we are at the end of our journey, and I must,< say I am sorry for it too, for tho' it's been a considerable of a long one, it's been a very pleasant one. When we returned to Halifax we drove to Mrs, Spicer's boarding- house, where I had bespoken lodgings previously to my departures from town. While the servants were preparing my room, we werei shown into the parlour of Mrs. Spicer. She was young, pretty, and a widow. She had but one child, a daughter of six years of age,| which, like all only children, was pelted and spoiled. She was firsti shy, then familiar, and ended by being troublesome and rude. Shefcraoii amused her mother by imitating Mr. Slick's pronunciation, and her-i iiiiieyesoi self by using his hat for a foot-ball. Entertainin that, ain't it? said the Clockmaker, as we entered our own apartments. The worst of women is, said he, they are fori everlastinly ateasin folks with their children, and take more pains tajl|iij|jr{'5 spoil 'em and make 'em disagreeable than any thin else. Who the Ml plague wants to hear 'em repeat a yard o' poetry like that are little sarpent? — I am sure I don't. The Hon. Eli Wad was right when he said the ways o' womenkind are wonderful. I've been afeered to venture on matrimony myself, and I don't altogether think I shall spikilate in that line for one while. It don't gist suit a rovin mai| ww latrade.i lest of a to Bitter of 111 loledaods lii«o,orruii kdil great ijo marry ' senti itief are tekina isolCot tu'tlsclia ii nii reads Wk ffif lierl t. I! THE WRONG ROOM. iO'S lUttj ike me. It's a considerable of a lie, and then il ain't like a liorse leal, where, if you don't like the beast, yon can |)iit il 61V in a ralTle, ir a trade, or swop and suit yourself better; but you must make the jest of a bad bargain, and put up with it. It ain't often you meet a 'Titter of the right mettle; spirited, yet gentle ; easy on the bit, sure- boted and spry; no bitin, or kickin, orsulkin, orracin oIT, or rcfusin ogo, or runnin back, and then cleanlimbed and good carriage. It's ibout the diJlicultest piece of business I know on. Our great cities are most the only places in our Union where a man tan marry with comfort, rael right down ^enwvlne cohifort, and no Irawback. Nofarnishin a house ; and if you go for to please a woman n that line, there's no eendo' the expense they'll go to, and no trouble ibout helps ; a considerable of a plague them in the states, you may lepend; then you got nothin to provide, and nolhin to seearter, and t ain't so plaguy lonely as a private house neither. The ladies, too, lave nothin to do all day, but dress themselves, gossip, walk out, or ashoppin, or receive visits to home. They have a'most a grand ime of it, you may depend. If there be any children, why, they an be sent up garret with the helps, out o' the way and out o' hearin, ill they are big enough to go to school. They ain't half the plague hey be in a private house. But one o' the best things about it is, a wi pan needn't stay at home to entertain his wife a-evenins, for she an find company enough in the public rooms, if she has a mind to, nd he can go to the political clubs and coffee-houses, and see arter iui|olitics, and inquire how the nation's agoin on, and watch over the oins of Congress. It takes a great deal of time that, and a man an't discharge his duties right to the State or the Union either, if he for everlastinly tied to his wife's apron-strings. You may talk Inn tout the domestic hearth, and the pleasures of home, and the family rei ircle, and all that are sort o' thing, squire: it sounds very clever, ai nd reads dreadful pretty ; but what does it eend in at last? why, a :oldin wife with her shoes down to heel, a - see - sawin in a rockin Grfhair; her hair either not done up at all, or all stuck chock full of aper and pins, like porcupine quills; a smoky chimbly aputtin of our eyes out; cryin children ascreamin of your ears out; extrava- ant, wasteful helps, a emptyin of your pockets out, and the whole 01 ling awearin of your patience out. No, there's nothin like a great oardin house for married folks; it don't cost nothin like keepin house, isl nd there's plenty o' company all the time, and the women folk never !el lonely like, when their husbands are not to home. The only ling is to larn the geography of the house well, and know their own hfl umber. If they don't do that they may get into a most adeuceof a dl 3rape, that it ain't so easy to back out of. I recollect a'most a cu- Ii9 ious accident that happened that way once, agettin into the wrong i\ oom. fill 264 THE CLOCKMAKER. '■ I had gone down to Boston to keep 4th of July, our great Anniver- ; sary-day. A great day that, squire; a great national festival; a splendid spectacle; fifteen millions of free men and three millions of slaves acelebratin the birth-day of liberty ; rejoicin in their strength, their freedom and enlightenment. Perhaps the sun never shone on such a sight afore, nor the moon, nor the stars, for their planetary system ain't more perfect than our political system. The sun typifies our splendor; the moon in its changes figures our rotation of office, and , eclipses of Presidents, — and the stars are emblems of our states, as painted on our flags. If the British don't catch it that day, it's a pity. , All over our Union, in every town and village, there are orations made, gistabout as beautiful pieces of workmanship, and as nicely dovetailed and mortised, and asprettily put together as well can be, and theEnglish catch it everywhere. All our battles are fought over ag'in, and you can e'ena'most see the British aflyin afore them like the wind, full split, or layin down their arms as humble as you please, or marchin off as prisoners tied two and two, like runaway niggers, as plain if^, asif youwasintheengagements,andWashington on his great big war- \^^ | horse aridin over them, and our free and enlightened citizens askiverin , |]f(] of them ; or the proud impudent officers akneelin down to him, givinup , jdin their swords, and abeggin for dear life for quarter. Then you think ,((|jf you can e'en a'raost see that infarnal spy Andre nabbed and sarched, Hf, and the scorn that sot on the brows of our heroes as they threw into jsyj thedirt the money he offered to be released, and hear himbeglikean a; Indgian to be shot like a gentleman, and not hanged like a thief, and : ^^^^ Washington's noble and magnanimous answer, — ' I guess they'll i think we are afeerd if we don't;' — so simple, so sublime. The ham- ' merin of the carpenters seem to strike your ears as they erect the gallus; and then his struggles, like a dog tucked up for sheep-stealin, are as nateral as life. I must say I do like lo hear them orations, — to hear of the deeds of our heroes by land and by sea. It's a bright page of history that. It exasperates the young — it makes their blood boil at the wrongs of their forefathers; it makes them clean their i rifles, and run their bullets. It prepares them for that great day, that coniin day, that no distant day neither, that must come and will come, and can't help acomin, when Britain will be a colony to our; great nation, and when her colonies will be states in our Union. Many's the disputes, and pretty hot disputes too, I've had with minister about these orations. He never would go near one on 'em; he said they were in bad taste — (a great phrase of hisn that, poor dear good old man ; I believe his heart yarns arter old times, and I must think sometimes he ought to have joined the refugees) — bad taste, Sam. It smells o' braggin, its ongentlemanly; and, what's worse — it's onchristian. But ministers don't know much of this world; they may know , THE WRONG ROOM. 265 the road to the next; hut tboy don't know Hie cross-roads and by- paths of this one— that's a fact. But I was agoin to tell you what happened that day — I was stayin to General Peep's boardin house to Boston, to enjoy, as I was asayin, the anniversary. There was an nmazin crowd of folks there : the house was chock full of strangers. Well, there was a gentleman and a lady, one Major Ebenczer Sproul and his wife, aboardin there, that had one child, the mostcryenest critter I ever seed; it boohood all night a'inost, and the boarders said it must be sent up to the garret to the helps, for no soul could sleep a' most for it. Well, most every night Mrs, Sproul had to go up there to quiet the little varmint, — for it wouldn't give over yeUin for no one but her. That night, in partikilar, the critter screetched and screamed like Old Scratch ; and at last Mrs. Sproul slipped on her dressin gownd, and went up stairs to it, — and left her door ajar, so as not to disturb her husband acomin back ; and when she re- turned, she pushed the door open softly, and shot it to, and got into bed. He's asleep, now, says she; I hope he won't disturb meag'in. No, I ain't asleep, mynheer stranger, says Old Zwicker, a Dutch marchant from Albany (for she had got into the wrong room, and got into his bed by mistake), nor 1 don't dank you, nor Gineral Beep nceder, for puddin you into my bed mid me, widout my leave nor lichense, nor approbation, needer. I liksh your place more better as your company. Oh, I got no gimblet! Het is jammer, it is a ))ity ! Oh! dear, if she didn't let go, it's a pity ; she kicked and screamed, and carried on like a ravin distracted bed-bug. Tousand teyvels, said he, what ails te man? I pelieve he is pewitched. Murder ! murder ! said she, and she cried out at the very tip ecnd of her voice, murder 1 murder 1 Well, Zwicker, he jumped out o' bed in an all-lired hurry, most properly frightened, you may depend; and seezin her dressin gownd, instead of his trousers, he put his legs into the arms of it, and was arunnin out of the room aholdin up of the skirts with his hands, as I came in with the candle. De ferry teyvil hisself is in te man, and in te trousher too, said he; for I pelieve te coal has grow'd to it in de night, it is so tam long. Oh, tear ! what a pity. Stop, says I, Mister Zwicker, and I pulled him back by the gownd (I thought I should adied larfin to see him in his red night-cap, his eyes starin out o' his head, and those short- legged trousers on, for the sleeves of the dressin gownd didn't come further than his knees, with a great long tail to 'em). Stop, says I, and tell us what all this everlastin hubbub is about : who's dead, and what's to pay now? All this time Mrs. Sproul lay curled up like a cat, covered all over in the bed clothes, ayellin and ascreamin like mad; a 'most all the house was gathered there, some ondressed, and some half-dressed , — some had sticks and pokers, and some had swords. Hullo! savs 2GG THE CLOCKMAKER. I, who on airth is makin all this touss ? Goten Hymel, said he, old Saydon himself, I do peleive ; he came tru de door and jumped right intoped, and yelled so loud in mine ear as to deefen my head a'most: pull him out by the cloven foot, and kill him, tam him ! I had no gimblet no more, and he know'd it, and dat is te cause, and nolin else. Well, the folks got hold of the clothes, and pulled and hauled away till her head showed above the sheet. Dear, Dear, said Major Ebenezer Sproul; — if it ain't Miss Sproul, my wife, as I am alive! Why, Mary dear, what brought you here? — what on airth are you adoin of in Mr. Zwicker's room here ? I take my oat' she prought herself here, said Zwicker, and I peg she take herself away ag'in so fast as she came, and more faster too. What will Vrou Zwicker say to this woman's tale— was te likeesh ever heerd afore? Tear, tear, but 'tis too pad! Well, well, says the folks, who'd athought it? — such a steady old gentleman as Mr. Zwicker, — and young Marm Sproul, says they, — only think of her! — ain't it horrid? The hussy I says the women house-helps : she's nicely caught, ain't she? She's no great things, anyhow, to take up with that nasty smoky old. Dutchman; it sarves her right, — it does, the good-for-nothin jade; I wouldn't ahad it happen, says the Major, for fifty dollars, I vow ; and he walked up and down, and wrung his hands, and looked streak- ed enough, you may depend : — no, nor I don't know, said he, as I would for a hundred dollars a'most. Have what happened, says Zwicker; upon my vortand honor and sole, notin happened, only I had no gimblet. Het is jammer ; it is a pity. I went to see the baby, said Mrs. Sproul, — asobbin ready to kill herself, poor thing! — and Well, I don't want, nor have occasion, nor require a nurse, said Zwicker. — And I mistook the room, said she, and came here athinkin it was ourn. Couldn't pe possible, said he, to take me for te papy, dat has papys hisself, — but it was to ruin my character, and name, and reputation. Oh, Goten Hymel! what will Vrou Zwicker say to dis wooman's tale? but then she knowd 1 had no gimblet, she did. Folks snickered and larfed a gool deal, I tell you; but they soon cleared out and went to bed ag'in. The story ran all over Boston like wild fire ; nothin else a'most was talked of; and like most stories, it grew worse and worse every day. Zwicker returned next morn- in to Albany, and has never been to Boston since ; and the Sprouls kept close for some time, and then moved away to the western ter- ritory. I actilly believe they changed their name, for I never heerd tell of any one that ever seed them since. Mr. Slick, says Zwicker, the mornin he started, I have oneleetle gimblet ; I always travel with my leetle gimblet ; take it mid me wherever I go ; and when I goes to ped, I takes my leetle gimblet out and bores wid it over de latch of de toor, and dat fastens it, and keeps out de tief and de villain and the womans. I left it to home FINDING A MARE'S NEST. 2J7 lat time mid de old vrou, ami it was all because I had no gimblet, dc •o\v and te noise and the rumpush wash made. Tarn it! said he, Mr. Slick, 'tis no use talkin, but tere is always de tcyvil to pay when here is a woman and no pimblet. Yes, said the Clockmaker, if they don't mind the number of the ^oom, they'd better stay away, — but a little attention that way cures ill. We are all in a hurry in the States ; we cat in a hurry, drink in 1 hurry, and sleep in a hurry. We all go ahead so fast it keeps one nil spring to keep up with others; and one must go it hot foot, if he ,vants to pass his neighbours. Now, it is a great comfort to have >our dinner to the minute, as you do at a boardin house, when you ire in a hurry — only you must look out sharp after the dishes, or you >von't get nothin. Things vanish like wink. I recollect once when juails lirst came in that season : there was an old chap at Peep's oardin-house, that used to take the whole dish of 'em, empty it on lis plate, and gobble 'em up like a turkeycock, — no one else ever got lone. We were all a good deal rylcd at it, seein that he didn't pay 10 more for his dinner than us, so I nick-named him ' Old Quail,' iiul it cured him ; he always left haf arter that, for a scramb. No ystem is quite perfect, squire; accidents will happen in the best re- gulated i)laces, like that of Marm Sproul's and Old Quail's ; but still :here is nothin arter all like a boardin-house, — the only thing is, keep 'Ut of the wrong room. M) CHAPTER LIV (j FINDING A mare's NEST. Ill Halifax, like London, has its tower also, but there is this remark- jble diirerence between these two national structures, that the one is designed for the cMenAevs of the country, and the other for its of- fenders and that the former is as dilTicult to be broken hito as the latter (notwithstanding all the ingenious devices of successive generations fromthe days of Julius Caesar to the time of the schoolmaster) is to be broken out of. A critical eye might perhaps detect some other, though lesser points of distinction. This cis-Atlantic martello tower has a more aristocratic and exclusive air than its city brother, and its portals are open to none but those who are attired in the uniform of the guard, or that of the royal staff; while the other receives the lowest, the most depraved, and vulgar of mankind. It is true it has not the lions and other adventitious attractions of the elder one ; but the jjj original and noble park in which it is stands plentifully stocked with arrihoos, while the horn work of the latter is at least equal to that '2fi8 THE CLOCKMAKER. of its ancient rival ; and although it cannot exhibit a display of tlie armour of the country, its very existence there is conclusive evi- dence of the amor pair ice. It stands on an eminence that protects, the harbour of Halifax, and commands that of the North-west Arm, and is situated at the termination of a fashionable promenade, which is skirted on one side by a thick shrubbery, and on the other by the waters of the harbour; the former being the resort of those of both sexes who delight in the impervious shade of the spruce, and the latter of those who prefer swimming, and other aquatic exercises. With these attractions to the lovers of nature, and a pure air, it is thronged at all hours, but more especially at day-dawn, by the valetudinarian, the aged, and infirm, and at the witching hour of moonlight by those who are young enough to defy the dew and damp air of night. To the latter class I have long since ceased to belong. Old, cor- pulent, and rheumatic, 1 am compelled to be careful of a body that is not worth the trouble that it gives me. I no longer indulge in the dreamy visions of the second nap, for, alasl nan sum qualis eram. I rise early, and take my constitutional walk to that tower. I had not proceeded more than half-way this morning before I met the Clockmaker returning to town. Mornin, squire, said he ; I suppose you didn't hear the news, did you? the British packet's in. Which packet? said I ; for there are two due, and great apprehensions are entertained that one of them is lost. More promotion, then, said he, for them navals that's left; it's an ill wind that blows nobody any good. Good God 1 said I, Mr. Slick, how can you talk so unfeelingly of such an awful catastrophe? Only think of the misery entailed by such an event upon Falmouth, where most of the oflficers and crew have left destitute and distressed families. Poor creatures, what dreadful tidings await them ! Well, well, said he, I didn't gist altogether mean to make a joke of it nei- ther; but your folks know what they are about; them colTm ships ain't sent out for nothin. Ten of them gun-brigs have been lost al- ready; and, depend on it, the English have their reasons for it— there's no mistake about it : considerable 'cute chaps them, they car see as far into a millstone as them that picks the hole in it; if thej throw a sprat it's to catch a mackerel, or my name is not Sam Slick. Reason, I replied, — what reason can there he for consigning so many gallant fellows to a violent death and a watery grave? Whatcouk justify such a ? I'll tell you, said the Clockmaker; itkeepi the natives to home by frightenin 'em out of their seven senses. Now if they had a good set of liners, them blue-nose tories and radical; would be for everlastinly abotherin of government with their re- quests and complaints. Hungry as hawks them fellers ; they'( fairly eat the minister up without salt, they would. It compels 'en to stay at home, it does. Your folks dcsarve credit for that trick .'Cl FINDING A MARES NEST. -iti'.) 'or it answers the purpose rael complete. Yes, you English are pretty considerable tarnation sharp. Vou \varn't born yesterday, I tell j^ou. You are always aliiulin out some mare's nest or another. Didn't you send out water-casks and filterin-stones last war to the fresh n-ater lakes to Canada? Didn't you send out a frigate there ready built, in pieces ready numbered and marked, to put together, 'cause there's no timber in America, nor carpenters neither ? Didn't you order the Yankee prisoners to be kept at the fortress of Louis- ;burg, which was so levelled to the ground fifty years before that folks can hardly tell where it stood? Han't you scjuandered more money to Bermuda than would make a military road from Halifax to Quebec, make the Windsor railroad, and complete the great canal? Han't you built a dockyard there that rots all the cordage and stores as f;ist as you send them out there? and han't you to send these things svery year to sell to Halifax, 'cause there ain't folks enough to Ber- muda to make an auction? Don't you send out a squadron every year of seventy-fours, frigates, and sloops of war, and most work 'em to jdeath, sendin 'em to Bermuda to winter, 'cause its warm, and to Hali- fax to summer, cause its cool ; and to carry freights of doubloons and dollars from the West Indies to England, 'cause it pays well ; while the fisheries, coastin trade, and revenue are left to look out for 'themselves? Oh, if you don't beat all, it's a pity ! '' Now, what in natur is the use of them are great seventy-fours in 'peace time on that station ? Half the sum of money one of them are everlastin almighty monsters costs would equip a dozen spankin cut- ters, commanded by leftenants in the navy (and this I will say, tho' they be Britishers, a smarter set o' men than they be never stept in shoe-leather), and they'd soon set these matters right in two twos. Them seventy-fours put me in mind of Black Hawk, the great Ind- gian chief that was to Washinton lately; he had an alligator tattoed on the back part of one thigh, and a racoon on t'other, touched off to the very nines, and as nateral as anything you ever seed in your life ; and well he know'd it too, for he was as proud of it as anything. Well, the president, and a whole raft of senators, and a considerable of an assortment of most beautiful ladies, went all over the capital 'With him, shewin him the great buildins, and public halls, and curio- 'sities, patents, presents, and what not; but Black Hawk, he took no notice of nothin a' most till he came to the picturs of our great naval iand military heroes, and splendid national victories of our free and enlightened citizens, and them he did stare at ; they posed him con- jsiderable — that's a fact. Well, warrior, said the president, arubbin of bis hands, and asmil- |"^( 'in, what do you think of them? Broder, said Black Hawk, them grand, them live, and breathe, and speak — them great pictures, I tell ^.; I you, very great indeed ; but I got better ones, said he, and he turned •2,0 THE CLOCKMAKER. round, and stooped down, and drew up his mantle over his head. Look at that alligator, broder, said he, and he struck it with his hand «hf ,iij-s Le fcteslrao [jt'fDlt'"''' till he made all ring again ; and that racoon behind there ; bean't they splendid ? Oh Lord ! if there warn't a shout, it's a pity 1 The ' men haw-hawed right out like thunder, and the women ran off, and ' screamed like mad. Did you ever!, said they. How ondecenti 1 ain't it shocking? and then they screamed out ag'in louder than afore. '; Oh, dear ! said they, if that nasty, horrid thing ain't in all the mir- ' rors in the room ! and they put their pretty little hands up to their dear little eyes, and raced right out into the street. The president " he stan-";-^', and bit his lip, and looked as mad as if he could have ' swallereda wild cat alive. Cuss him ! said he, I've half a mind to kick him into the Potomac, the savage brute ! I shall never hear the ' last of this joke. I fairly thought I should have split to see the con- flustrigation it put 'em all into. Now, that's gist the way with your ' seventy-fours. When the Blue-noses grumbled that we Yankees :"'' "!", smuggle like all vengeance, and have all the fisheries on the coast to ". , ourselves, you send 'em out a great seventy-four with a painted starn ' *" . for 'em to look at, and it is gist about as much use as the tattoed starn ' of Black Hawk. I hope I may be shot if it ain't. Well, then gist i'"' , see how you ,. True, said I, glad to put a stop to the enumeration of our blunders, ■' ' ' but government have added some new vessels to the packet line ofai *°['^* very superior description, and will withdraw the old ones as soon as l '"'.'^ possible. These changes are very expensive, and car not be effected ^'*'*'' in a moment. Yes, said he, so I have heerd tell ; and I have heerd, too, that the new ones won't lay to, and the old ones won't scud;' grand chance in a gale for a feller that, ain't it? One tumbles over in the trough of the sea, and the other has such great solid bulwarks, if she ships a sea she never gets rid of it but by going down . Oh, yoii ^ British are up to everything! it wouldn't be easy to put a wrinkle od ^^ ' ''^' your horns, I know. They will at least, said I, with more pique than prudence, last as long as the colonies. It is admitted on all hands now, by Tories, Whigs, and Radicals, that the time is not far distant when the provinces will be old enough for independence, and " " strong enough to demand it. I am also happy to say that there is every disposition to yield to their wishes whenever a majority shall * °|' concur in applying for a separation. It is very questionable whether " the expense of their protection is not greater than any advantage we '' derive from them. ' ' |' That, said the Clockmaker, is what I call, now, good sound sense. I like to hear you talk that way, for it shews you participate in the " enlightenment of the age. After all the expense you have been to in « conquerin, clearin, seltlin, fortifyin, governin, and protectin these ! colonies from the time they were little miserable spindlin seedlins up 'i ijit; il doi iftlUista lliereisl m «i FINDING A MARE'S NEST. 271 now, when they have grow'd to be considerable stid' and strong, nd of some use, to give 'em up, and encourage 'cm to ax for 'mancipa- ;on, is, I estimate, the part of wise men. Yes, I see you arc wide wake. Let 'em go. Tliey are no use to you. But, I say, squire, -and he tapped me on the shoulder and winked, — let 'em look out lie next mornin arter they are free for a visit from us. If we don't lit 'em thro' their facins it's a pity. Tho' they are no good to you, iiey arc worth a Jew's eye to us, and have 'em we will, by gum ! You put me in mind of a British parliament-man that was travcllin 1 the States once. I seed him in a steam-boat on the Ohio (a most grand river that, squire; if you were to put all the English rivers litoone you couldn't make its ditto), and we went the matter of seven undred miles on it till it jincd the Mississippi. As soon as we turned to down that river he stood, and stared, and scratched his head, like ewildered. Says he, this is very strange — very strange indeed, says What's strange? said I ; but he went on without hearin. It's 16 greatest curiosity, said he, I ever seed, a nateral phenomenon, ne of the wonders of the world ; and he jumped right up and down •ke a ravin distracted fool. Where is if? said he. What the devil as become of it? If it's your wit, said I, you are alookin for, it's one a wool-gatherin more nor half an hour ago. What on airth ails DU, says I, to make you act so like Old Scratch that way? Do, for oodness sake, look here, Mr, Slick 1 said he. That immense river ae Ohio, that we have been sailin upon so many days, where is it? y"here is it? said I. Why, it's run into the Mississippi here to be are; where else should it be? or did you think it was like a snake, aat it curled its head under its own belly, and run back again ? But, lid he, the Mississippi arn't made one inch higher or one inch wider f it; it don't swell it one mite or morsel ; it's marvellous, ain't it? i^ell, gist afore , that, we had been talking about the colonies; so, lys T, I can tell you a more marvellous thing than that by a long lalk. There is Upper Canada, and Lower Canada, and New Brunswick, id Nova Scotia, and Cape Breton, and Prince Edward's Island, and wfoundland, — they all belong to the English. Well, said he, I now that as well as you do. Don't be so plaguy touchy ! said I, but ?ar me out. They all belong to the English, and there's no two ays about it; it's the best part of America too; better land and better imate than ourn, and free from yallcr fevers, and agues, and nig- T slaves, and hostile Indgians, and Lynchers, and alligators, and ich hke varmint, and all the trade and commerce of them colonies, id the supply of 'factured goods belong to the English too, and yet I !fy any livin soul to say he can see that it swells their trade to be le inch wider, or one inch higher; it's gist a drop in the bucket. Tell, that is strange, said he ; but it only shews the magnitude of 572 THE CLOCKMAKER. British commerce. Yes, says I, it does; it shews another thing too. What's that ? said he. Why, says I, that their commerce is a plaguy sight deeper than the shaller-pated noodles that it belongs to. Do you, said I, gist take the lead-line, and sound the river gist below where the Ohio comes into it, and you will find that, though it tante broader or higher, it's an everlastin sight deeper than it is above the jinin place. . It can't be otherwise in natur. Now, turn the Ohio, and let it run down to Baltimore, and you'd find the Mississippi, mammoth as it is, a diflerent guess river from what you now see it. It wouldn't overrun its banks no more, nor break the dykes at New Orleens, nor leave the great Cyprus swamps under water any longer. Itwould look pretty streaked in dry weather, I know. Gist so with the colony trade; though you can't see it in the ocean of English trade, yet it is there. Cut it off, and see the raft of ships you'd have to spare, and the thousands of seamen you'd have to emigrate to us ; and see how white about the gills Glasgow^ and Greenock, and Liverpool, and Manchester, and Birmingham would look. Cuttin off the colonies is like cuttin off the roots of a tree ; it's an even chance if it don't blow right slap over the very firsi sneeze of wind that comes; and if it don't, the leaves curl up, turn yaller, and fall off afore their time. Well, the next spring folleric there is about six feet of the top dead, and the tips of the branches withered, and the leaves only half size; and the year after, unless ii sends out new roots, it's a great leafless trunk, a sight to behold, and, if it is strong enough to push out new roots, it may revive but it never looks like itself again. The luxuriance is gone, andgom for ever. You got chaps in your parliament that never seed a colony, anc yet get up and talk about 'em by the hour, and look as wise abou 'em as the monkey that had seen the world. In America all our farms a' most have what we call the rougl pastur — that is, a great rough field of a hundred acres or so, nea the woods, where we turn in our young cattle, and breedin mares and colts, and dry cows, and what not, where they take care of them selves, and the young stock grow up, and the old stock grow fat Ifs a grand outlet that to the farm, that would he overstoclied with- out it. We could not do without it nohow. Now, your colonie are the great field for a redundant population, a grand outlet. As the ^^/g-talians what fixed their flint? Losin the overland trade t India. Ask the folks to Cadiz what put them up a tree? Losin th trade to South America. If that's too far off, ask the people ( Bristol and Chester what sewed them up ? and they will tell yoi while they was asleep, Liverpool ran off with their trade. And you havn't time to go there, ax the first coachman you get alongsid of, what he thinks of the rail-roads? and gist listen to the funer; ililflVI KEEPING UP THE STEAM. 273 ymn he'll sing over the turnpikes. When T was to England last, always did that when I was in a hurry, and it put coachee into such passion, he'd turn to and lick his horses out o' spite into a full allop. J) — n 'em, he'd say, them that sanctioned them railroads, ) ruin the 'pikes (get along you lazy willain, Charley, and he'd lay i; into the wheeler), they ought to be hanged, sir, (that's the ticket, md he'd whop the leader), — yes, sir, to be hanged, for what is to ecome of them as lent their money on the 'pikes? (wh — ist, crack, rack goes the whip) — hanged and quartered they ought to be. These len ought to be relunerated as well as the slave-holders ; I wonder, ir, what we shall all come to yet? Come to, says I ; why, to be a toker to be sure ; that's what all you coachmen w ill eend in at last, s sure as you are born. A stoker, sir, said he (lookin as both' red s if it wor a French furriner that word), what the devil is that? Vhy, a stoker, says I, is a critter that draws, and stirs, and pokes 16 fire of a steam-engin. I'd sooner die first, sir, said he; I would, •n me, if I wouldn't! Only think of a man of my age and size ein a stoker, sir; I wouldn't be in the fellow's skin that would i)ro- oseittome, for the best shilling as overcame out o' the mint. Take katj and /hat, and that, he'd say to the off for'ard horse (alayin it ito him like mad), and do your own work, you dishonest rascal. It f fun alive you may depend. No, sir, lose your colonies, and you'd have Epe-taWan cities without leir climate, Eye-taMan lazaroni without their light hearts to sing ver their poverty, (for the English can't sing a bit better nor buU- 'ogs), and worse than £'?/e-talian eruptions and volcanoes in politics, ithout the grandeur and sublimity of those in natur'. Deceive not ourselves ; if you lop off the branches, the tree perishes, for the ■aves elaborate the sap that vivifies, nourishes, and supports the trunk. here's no two ways about it, squire : 'tJiem mho say colonies are (food, are either fools or knaves; iftliey befools they ahUt worth nswerin, andiftliey are knaves, send tliem to tlie treadmill, till tliey irn to speak tlie truth.' n '•' CHAPTER LV. KEEPING LP THE STEAM. It is painful to think of the blunders that have been committed om time to time in the management of our colonies, and of the ' j .ross ignorance, or utter disregard of their interests, that has been lisplayed in the treaties with foreign powers. Fortunately for the nether country the colonists are warmly attached to her and her in- 18 274 THE CLOCKMAKER. stitutions, and deplore a separation too much to agitate questions, however important, that may have a tendency to weaken their affec^ tions by arousing their passions. The time, however, has now ar-s rived when the treatment of adults should supersede that of children.! Iiikm'1"' Other and nearer, and, for the time, more important interests, have iltM" occupied her attention, and diverted her thoughts from those distant | Iw"' portions of the empire. Much, therefore, that has been done may p.* be attributed to want of accurate information, while it is to be feared yh*r much also has arisen from not duly appreciating their importance, iw '' The government of the provinces has been but too often entrusted liltli'" to persons who have been selected, not so much from their peculiai iffotHi fitness for the situation, as with reference to their interest, or theii i>^a?e claims for reward for past services in other departments. From per- juiiilli! sons thus chosen, no very accurate or useful information can be exr- 'inelo pected. This is the more to be regretted as the resolutions of the ii-jo dominant party, either in the House of Assembly or Council, are not rfffl always to be received as conclusive evidence of pubhc opinion. Thej lusai are sometimes produced by accidental causes, often by temporarj , aid be, excitement, and frequently by the intrigue or talents of one man. Ir ktlcai the colonies, the legislature is more often in advance of public opi-, iWri nion, than coerced by it, and the pressure from without is sometime; dd. caused by the Q\Q.i\.evi\Qr\i previously existing within, while in man^ i« cases the people do not participate in the views of their representa- jntote tives. Hence the resolutions of one day are sometimes rescinded thi iiiif? next, and a subsequent session, or a new house, is found to hold opi *lirei nions opposed to those of its predecessor. To these difTiculties ii iMmJ obtaining accurate information, may be added the uncertain charade of that arising from private sources. Individuals having access (< the Colonial Office, are not always the best qualified for consultation and interest or prejudice is but too often found to operate insensibl; even upon those whose sincerity and integrity are undoubted. As . remedy for these evils it has been proposed to give the colonies are- presentation in parliament, but the measure is attended with so man; objections, and such inherent difficulties, that it may be consideret. almost impracticable. The only satisfactory and efficient prescriptior that political quackery has hitherto suggested, appears to be that c a Colonial Council-board, compesed principally, if not wholly, c persons from the respective provinces ; who, while the ministe changes with the cabinet of the day, shall remain as permanent mera bers, to inform, advise, and assist his successor. JK''one hut natiob can fully understand the peculiar feelings of the colonists, Th advantages to be derived from such a board, are too obvious to b enlarged upon, and will readily occur to any one at all conversar with these subjects ; for it is a matter of notoriety, that a correspond ence may be commenced by one minister, continued by a seconc KEEPING UP THE STEAM. 275 md terminated by a third, so rapid have sometimes been the changes , ,n this department. It is not my business, however, to suggest (and *"!<; heartily rejoice that it is not, for I am no projector), but simply to "'' record the sayings and doings of that eccentric personage, Mr. Samuel '" Slick, to whom it is now high time to return. "'' You object, said 1, to the present line of government packets run- ;" diog between Falmouth and Halifax (and I must say not without ^ reason): pray what do you propose to substitute in their places? ^■i Well, I don't know, said he, as I gist altogether ought to blart out ^ ill I think about it. Our folks mightn't be over half pleased with '"4 jma for the hint, for our New York liners have the whole run of the "< Ipassengers now, and plaguy proud our folks be of it, too, I tell you. Lord 1 if it was to leake out it was me that put you up to it, I should ihave to gallop through the country when I returned home, as Head did — you know Head the author, don't you? There are several gentlemen of that name, I replied, who have distinguished them- iselves as authors; pray which do you mean? Well, I don't know, 'said he, as I can gist altogether indicate the identical man I mean, hat I calculate it's him that galloped the wild horses in the Pampa's ia hundred miles a day hand runnin, day in and day out, on beef tea 'made of hung beef and cold water; — it's the gallopin one I mean ; he is Governor to Canada now, I believe. You know in that are book he wrote on gallopin, he says, ' The greatest luxury in all natur' is to ride without trousers on a horse w ithout a saddle,' — w hat we call iibare-breeched and ^are-backed. (Oh Lord I I wonder he didn't die lalarfin, I do, I vow. Them great thistles that he says grow in the Pampa's as high as a human head, must have tickled a man a'most to death that rode that way) , Well, now, if I was to tell you how to Work it, I should have to ride armed, as he was in his travels, with two pair of detonatin pistols and a double-barrelled gun, and when I seed a guacho of a New Yorker a-comin, clap the reins in my mouth, ■set oil at full gallop, and pint a pistol at him with each hand; or else • I'd have to lasso him, — that's sartin, — for they'd make travellin in that state too hot for me to wear breeches I know, I'd have to off ! with them full chisel, and go it bare-backed, — that's as clear as mud. I believe Sir Francis Head is no great favourite, I replied, with your countrymen, but he is very popular with the colonists, and very de- iservedly so. He is an able and efficient governor, and possesses the ' entire confidence of the provinces. He is placed in a very difficult ' situation, and appears to display great tact and great talent. Well, well, said he, let that pass ; I won't say he don't, though I wish he wouldn't talk so much ag'in us as he does anyhow, but will you pro- ' mise you won't let on it was me now if I tell you? Certainly, said I, your name shall be concealed. Well, then, I'll tell you, said he; turn your attention to steam navigation to Halifax. Steam will \\9\i I 27« THE CLOCKMAKER. ruin England yet, if they don't mind. It will drain it of its money, drain it of its population, and — what's more than all — what it can spare least of all, and what it will feel more nor all, its artisans, its skilful workmen, and its honest, intelligent, and respectable middle] classes. It will leave you nothin in time but your aristocracy and! your poor. A trip to America is goin to be nothin more than a tri^ to France, and folks will go where land is cheap and labour high. It will build the new world up, but it will drain the old one out in a way no one thinks on. Turn this tide of emigration to your own provinces, or as sure as eggs is eggs we will get it all. You han't no notion what steam is destined to do for America. It will make it look as bright as a pewter button yet, I know. The distance, as I make it, from Bristol to New York Light-house, is 3037 miles; from Bristol to Halifax Light-house is 2479; fron Halifax Light to New York Light is 522 miles,— in all, 3001 miles, 558 miles shorter than New York line ; and even going to New York 36 miles shorter to stop to Halifax than go to New York direct. 1 fix on Bristol 'cause it's a better port for the purpose than Liverpool and the new railroad will be gist the dandy for you. But them great fat, porter-drinkin critturs of Bristol have been asnorin fast asleej for half a century, and only gist got one eye open now. I'm mos afeerd they will turn over, and take the second nap, and if they d( they are done for — that's a fact. Now you take the chart and worJ it yourself, squire, for I'm no great hand at navigation. I've been i whaling voyage, and a few other sea-trips, and I know a little abou it, but not much, and yet, if I ain't pretty considerably near th( mark, I'll give them leave to guess that knows better — that's all Get your legislatur' to persuade government to contract with th< Great Western folks to carry the mail, and drop it in their way t New York; for you got as much and as good coal to Nova Scotia a England has, and the steam-boats would have to carry a supply fo 550 miles less, and could take in a stock at Halifax for the returi voyage to Europe. If ministers won't do that, get 'em to send steam packets of their own, and you wouldn't be no longer an everlastin out landish country no more as you be now. And, more nor that, yoi wouldn't lose all the best emigrants and all their capital, who now g to the States 'cause the voyage is safer, and remain there 'cause the; are tired of travellin, and can't get down here without risk of thai precious necks and ugly mugs. But John Bull is like all other sponsible folks ; he thinks 'cause h is rich he is wise too, and knows everything, when in fact he know plaguy little outside of his own location. Like all other consaite folks, too, he don't allow nobody else to know nothin neither bu himself. The ^^/etalian is too lazy, the French too smirky, the Spa niard too banditti, the Dutch too smoky, the German too dreamy KEEPING UP THE STEAM, 277 ho Scotch too itchy, the Irish too popcy, and the Yankee too tricky; ill low, all iuMiorant, all poor, lie tliinks the noblest work of God in E//(//}s/nnan. lie is on considerable pjood terms with himself, too, s .John Hull, when he has his go-to-meetin clothes on, his gold-headed ane in his hand, and his puss buttoned up light in his trousers' pocket. IFe wears his hat a little a one side, rakish-like, whaps his cane down m'in the pavement hard, as if he intended to keep things in their ;»lace, swaggers a few, as if he thought he had a right to look big, and :itares at you full and hard in the face, with a knowin toss of his lead, as much as to say, ' That's mc, damn you,' and who you be I ilon't know, and what's more I don't want to know; so clear the road louble quick, will you? Yes, take John at his own valiation, and )iii if guess you'd get a considerable hard bargain of him, for he is old, Irijhick in the wind, tender in the foot, weak in the knees, too cussed I'at to travel, and plaguy cross-grained and ill-tempered. If you go ;'or to raise your voice at him, or even so much as lay the weight of )four finger on him, his Ebenezer is up in a minit. I don't like him Tfji j)ne bit, and I don't know who the plague does: but that's neither :rtj iaere nor there. slj J Do you get your legislature to interfere in this matter, for steam 1 navigation w ill be the makin of you if you work it right. It is easy, fvi t( replied, to suggest, but not quite so easy, Mr. Slick, as you suppose, H have these projects carried into execution. Government may not eei 36 willing to permit the mail to be carried by contract. Permit it ! Jim >aid he, with great animation; to be sure it will permit it. Don't they \i l^rant everything you ask? don't they concede one thing arter another ii you to keep you quiet, till they han't got much left to con cede? It \\ puts me ih mind of a missionary I once seed down to Bows and Ar- av! I'ows (Buenos Ayres). He went out to convart the people from bein (ill :loman Catholics, and to persuade the Spaniards to pray in English |v| ;nstead of Latin, and to get dipt anew by him, and he carried sway fli ihere like a house a fire, till the sharks one day made a tarnation sly tfj ilash among his convarts that was awadin out in the water, and gist jj ivalked olTwith three on 'em by the legs, screamin and yelpin like If, -nad. Arter that he took to a pond outside the town, and one day as 51! jie was awalkin out with his hands behind .him, ameditatin on )| ihat are profane trick the sharks played him, and what a slippery [l![ world this was, and what not, who should he meet but a )arty of them Guachos, that galloped up to him as quick as jKi livink, and made him prisoner. \Vell, they gist fell to, and not only yjd robbed him of all he had, but stripped him of all his clothes but his jjj iireeches, and them they left him for decency sake to get back to town jli ;n. Poor crittur ! he felt streaked enough, I do assure you; lie was ,^ aear about frightened out of his seven senses ; he didn't know whe- ,,«ii her he was standin on his head or his heels, and was e'en a' most II «78 THE CLOCKMAKER. sure they were agoin to murder him. So, said he, my beloved friends, said he, I beseech you, is there anything more you want of mel Do we want anything more of you? says they; why, you han't gol nothin left but your breeches, you nasty, dirty, blackguard heretic you, and do you want to part -with them too? and they gist fell t( and welted him all the way into the town with the tip eend of theii lassos, larfin and hoopin, and hollerin at the joke like so many ravir distracted devils. Well, now, your government is near about as well off as the mis- sionary was; they've granted everything they had a' most, till the^ han't got much more than the breeches left, — the mere sovereignty and that's all. No, no ; gist you ax for steam-packets, and you'll ge *em — that's a fact. Oh, squire, if John Bull only knew the valy o these colonies, he would be a great man, I tell you\ but he don't' You can't make an account of 'em in dollars and cents, the cost m. one side, and the profit on t'other, and strike the balance of thf ^tottle of the hull,' as that are crittur' Hume calls it. You can' put into figur's a nursery for seamen; a resource for timber if th Baltic is shot ag'in you, or a population of brave and loyal people, . growing and sure market, an outlet for emigration, the first fisher in the world, their political and relative importance, the power the" would give a rival, converting a friend into a foe, or a customer int a rival, or a shop full of goods, and no sale for 'em — Figures are th representatives of numhers, and not tlmigs. Molesworth may talk and Hume may cypher, till one on 'em is as hoarse as a crow, an t'other as blind as a bat, and they won't make that table out, know. That's all very true, I said, but you forget that the latter gentle man says that America is now a better customer than when she wj a colony, and maintains her own government at her own expens( and therefore he infers that the remaining dependencies are uselei incumbrances. And he forgets too, he replied, that he made h fortin himself in a colony, and therefore it don't become him to sf so, and that America is laming to sell as well as to buy, and to m nufactur as well as to import, and to hate as much, and a little gra more, than she loved," and that you are weaker by all her strengt! He forgets, too, that them that separate from a government, i secede from a church, always hate those they leave much worse the those who are born in dilTerent states or different sects. It's a fdc I assure you, those critters that desarted our church to Slickville temper that time about the choice of an elder, were the only on that hated, and reviled, and parsecuted us in all Connecticut, for %'■ were on friendly or neutral terms with all the rest. Keep a shai look-out always for disarters, for when tliey jine the enemy thr fight like the devil. J^Po one hates UTcehim that has onceheen afrierU II lb KEEPING UP THE STEAM. 279 He forgets that a but it's no use atalkin ; you might as well Iwhistle jigs to a mile-stone as talk to a goney that says fifteen mil- jtlions of inimics are as good as fifteen millions of friends, unless indeed |iit is with the nations as with individuals, that it is better to have [some folks ag'in you than for you, for I vow there are chaps in your Iparliament that ain't no credit to no party. But this folly of John Bull ain't the worst of it, squire; it's consi- 'derable more silly; he incites the colojiists to fight his own troops^ \and then pans all the expense of the entertainmemt. If that don't 'ibeat cock-fightin, it's a pity: it fairly bangs the bush, that. If [there's a rebellion to Canada, squire (and tliQre \Till be as sure as jthere are snakes in Varginny), it will he planned, advised, and sot on foot in London, you may depend, for them simple critturs, the French, would never think of it, if they were not put up to it. Them that advise Papinor to rebel, and set his folks to murder Englishmen, and promise to back them in England, are for everlaslinly atalkin of economy, and yet instigate them parley-vous to put the nation to 11 I more expense than they and their party ever saved by all their jplil i barking in their life, or ever could, if they were to live as long as islr [ Merusalem. If them poor Frenchmen rebel, gist pardon them rlk \ right oil the reel without sayin a word, for they don't know nothin, irii ; but rig up a gallus in London as high as a church steeple, and I'll m ' give you the names of a few villains there, the cause of all the mur- i* I ders, and arsons, and robberies, and miseries, and sulTerins that 'ill foller. Gist take 'em and string 'em up like onsafe dogs. A crit- « • tur that throws a firebrand among combustibles, must answer for the fire; and when he throws it into his neighbour's house, and not fdl I his own, he is both a coward and a villain. Cuss 'em! hanging is n I too good for 'em, I say; don't you, squire? p i This was the last conversation I had with the Clockmaker on po- isek ! litics. I have endeavoured to give his remarks in his own language, iW and as nearly verbatim as I could ; but they were so desultory and discursive, that they rather resembled thinking aloud than a con- lot I nectedconversation, and his illustrations oltealed him into such long St I episodes, that he sometimes wandered into now topics before he had .ii^ I closed his remarks upon the subject he was discoursing on. It is, I believe, not an uncommon mode with Americans, when they talk, to amuse rather than convince. Although there is evidently some j§ ; exaggeration, there is also a great deal of truth in his observations. A They are the result of long experience, and a thorough and intimate knowledge of the provinces, and I confess I think they are entitled ((ii;,! to great weight. ;Iif ! The bane of the colonies, as of England, it appears to me, is ultra opinions. The cis-Atlantic ultra tory is a non-descript animal, as ,„} well as the ultra radical. Neither have the same objects or the same 280 THE CLOCKMAKER. principles with those in the mother country, whose names they as- sume. It is difficult to say which does most injury. The violence of the radical defeats his own views ; the violence of his opponent defeats those of the government, while both incite each other to greater extremes. It is not easy to define the principles of either of these ultra political parties in the colonies. An unnatural, and, it would appear, a personal, and therefore a contemptible jealousy, influences the one, and a ridiculous assumption the other, the small- est possible amount of salary being held as sufficient for a public officer by the former, and the greater part of the revenues inad- equate for the purpose by the latter, while patriotism and loyalty are severally claimed as the exclusive attributes of each. As usual, extremes meet ; the same emptiness distinguishes both, the same loud professions, the same violent invectives, and the same selfish- ness. They are carnivorous animals, having a strong appetite to devour their enemies, and occasionally showing no repugnance to sacrifice a friend. Amidst the clamours of these noisy disputants, the voice of the thinking and moderate portion of the community is drowned, and government but too often seems to forget the existence of this more numerous, more respectable, and more valuable class. He who adopts extreme radical doctrines in order to carry numbers by flattering their prejudices, or he who assumes the tone of the ultra tory of England, because he imagines it to be that of the aristo- cracy of that country, and more current among those of the little colonial courts, betrays at once a want of sense and a want of in- tegrity, and should be treated accordingly by those who are sent to administer the government. There is as little safety in the councils of those who, seeing no defect in the institutions of their country, or desiring no change beyond an extension of patronage and salary, stigmatize all who differ from them as discontented and disloyal, as there is in a party that call for organic changes in the constitution, for the mere purpose of supplanting their rivals, by opening new sources of preferment for themselves. Instead of committing him- self into the hands of either of these factions, as is often the case, and thereby at once inviting and defying the opposition of the other, a go- vernor should be instructed to avoid them both, and to assemble around him for council those only who partake not of the selfishness of the one or the violence of the other, but who, uniting firmness with moderation, are not afraid to redress a grievance because it in- volves a change, or to uphold the established institutions of the country, because it exposes them to the charge of corrupt motives. Such men exist in every colony ; and though a governor may not find them the most prominent, he will at least find them the surest and safest guides in the end. Such a course of policy will soften the as- perities of party, by stripping it of success, will rally round the local n i THE CLOCKMAKER'S PARTING ADVICE. 281 governments men of property, integrity, and talent; and inspire, by its impartiality, moderation, and consistency, a feeling of satisfaction ndconlidcnce through the whole population. CHAPTER LVl. THE CLOCKMAKER's PARTING ADVICE. Having now fulfilled his engagement with mo, Mr. Slick informed me that business required his presence at the river Philip, and that, as he could delay his departure no longer, he had called for the purpose of taking leave. I am plaguy loth to part with you, said he, you may depend ; it makes me feel quite loncsum' like: but I ain't quite certi- fied we shan't have a towier in Europe yet afore we've done. You have a pair of pistols, squire, — as neat a little pair of sneezers as I 'e'en a'most ever seed, and They are yours, I said ; I am glad you like them, and I assure you you could not gratify me more than by doing me the favour to accept them. That's gist what I was agoin to say, said he, and I brought my rifle here to ax you to ex- change for 'em ; it w ill sometimes put you in mind of Sam Slick the Clockmaker, and them are little pistols arc such grand pocket com- panions, there won't be a day a'most I won't thinkofthe squire. He then examined the lock of the rifle, turned it over, and looked at the stock, and, bringing it to his shoulder, run his eye along the barrel, , as if in the act of discharging it. True as a hair, squire, there can't j ;be no better ; and there's the mould for the balls that gist fit her ; you ■ may depend on her to a sartainty; she'll never deceive you; there's no mistake in a rael right down genu/iv^c good Kentuck, I tell you; but as you ain't much used to 'em, always bring her slowly up to the line of sight, and then let go as soon as you have the range. If you I bring her doivn. to the sight instead Qiup, she'll be apt to settle a little below it in your hands, and carry low. That wrinkle is worth havin, I tell you ; that's a fact. Take time, elevate her slowly, so as to catch j the range to a hair, and you'll hit a dollar at seventy yards hand runnin. I can take the eye of a squirrel out with her as easy as kiss my hand. A fair exchange is no robbery anyhow, and I shall set great store by them are pistols, you may depend. Having finished that are little trade, squire, there is another small ' matter I want to talk over with you afore I quit, that perhaps it would be as well you and I onderstood each other upon. What is that? said I. Why, the last time, squire, said he, I travelled with you, you published our tower in a book, and there were some notions in it gave me a plaguy sight of oneasiness ; that's a fact. Some things 292 THE CLOCKMAKER. you coloured so, I didn't know 'em when I seed 'em again ; some things you left out holus bolus, and there were some small mat- ters I never heerd tell of afore till I seed them writ down; you must have made them out of whole cloth. When I went home to see about the stock I had in the Slickville bank, folks scolded a good deal about it. They said it warn't the part of a good citizen for to go to publish anything to lessen our great nation in the eyes of foreigners, or to lower the exalted station we had among the nations of the airth. They said the dignity of the American people was at stake, and they were determined some o' these days to go to war with the English if they didn't give up some o' their writers to be punished by our laws; and that if any of our citizens was accessory to such prac- tices, and they cotched him, they'd give him an American Jacket, that is, a warp of tar, and a nap wove of feathers. I don't feel there- fore altogether easy 'bout your new book; I should like to see il afore we part, to soften down things a little, and to have matters sol to rights, afore the slangwhangers get hold of it. I think, too, atween you and me, youhadoughttolet me gosheer! in the speck, for I have suffered considerable by it. The clock trad<, is done now in this province; there's an eend to that; you've put j toggle into that chain ; you couldn't give 'em away now a'most. Oui folks are not over and above well pleased with me I do assure you and the Blue-noses say I have dealt considerable hard with them They are plaguy ryled, you may depend ; aud the English have comi in for their share of the curryin too. I han't made many friends b; it, I know ; and if there is anything to be made out of the consarn, think it no more than fair I should have my share of it. One thing however, I hope you will promise me, and that is to show me th manuscript afore you let it go out of your hands. Certainly, said 1 Mr. Slick, I shall have great pleasure in reading it over to youbefor it goes to the press; and if there is anything in it that will compromis you with your countrymen, or injure your feelings, I will strike oi the objectionable passage, or soften it down to meet your wishes Well, said he, that's pretty; now I like that; and if you take a fane to travel in the States, or to take a tower in Europe, I'm your mai Send me a line to Slickville, and I'll jine you where you like aD when you like. I shall be in Halifax in a month from the preset time, and will call and see you; p'r'aps you will have the book read then : — and presenting me with his rifle, and putting the pistols i his pocket, he took leave of me and drove into the country. Fortunately, when he arrived I had the manuscript completed; ar when I had finished reading it to him, he deliberately lit his ciga and folding his arms, and throwing himself back in his chair, whi( he balanced on two legs, he said, I presume I may ask what .' your object in writing that book? You don't like republics, than THE CLOCKMAKER'S PARTING ADVICE. 283 * 'sartin, for yoii have coloured matters so it's easy to see which way the cat jumps. Do you mean to write a satire on our great nation, • and our free and enlightened citizens? — hecause if you do, gist rub my name out of it, if you please. I'll have neither art nor part in it; I won't have nothin to do with it on no account. It's a dirty bird that fouls its own nest. I'm not agoin for to wake up a swarm o' 1 hornets about my ears, I tell you ; I know a trick worth two o' that, ^ 'I reckon. Is it to sarve a particular purpose, or is it a more tradin '^ speck? I will tell you candidly, sir, what my object is, I replied. \ • In the Canadas there is a party advocating republican institutions, '^ ! and hostility to everything British. In doing so, they exaggerate all the advantages of such a form of government, and depreciate the blessings of a limited monarchy. In England this party unfortu- nately finds too many supporters, either .from a misapprehension N I of the true state of the case, or from a participation in their trea- ' i sonable views. The sketches contained in the present and pre- ceding chapters of the Clockmaker, it is hoped, w ill throw some light * ' on the topics of the day, as connected with the designs of the anti- ^ 1 English party. The object is purely patriotic. I beg of you to be il assured that I have no intention whatever to ridicule your institu- i* I tions or your countrymen ! nothing can be further from my thoughts ; I I and it would give me great pain if I could suppose for a moment that any person could put such an interpretation upon my conduct. I like * I your country, and am proud to number many citizens of the United J ■• States among those whom I honour and love. It is contentment with i our own, and not disparagement of your institutions, that I am '■• I desirous of impressing upon the minds of my countrymen. Right, It said ho; I see it as plain as a boot-jack ; it's no more than your duty. I , But the book does beat all — that's a fact. There's -more fiction in ' this than in t'other one, and there are many things in it that I don't , know exactly what to say to. I guess you had better add the words I to the title-page, *a work of fiction,' and that will clear me, or you f ! must put your name to it. You needn't be ashamed of it, I tell you. 1 I It's a better book than t'other one; it ain't just altogether so local, t : and it goes a little grain deeper into things. If you work it right, I I you will make your fortin out of it; it Mill make a man of you, you '. 5 may depend. IIow so ? said I ; for the last volume, all the remune- ' ' ration I had was the satisfaction of finding it had done some good among those for whose benefit it was designed, and I have no other expectation from this work. More fool you, then, said he; but I'll tell you how to work it. Do you get a copy of it done olTon most r ; beautiful paper, with a most an elegant bindin, all covered over the if II back with gildin (I'll gild it for you myself complete, and charge l! " you nothin but the price of the gold leaf, and that's a mere trifle; it i I only costs the matter of two shillings and sixpence a paper, or there- 284 THE CLOCKMAKER. abouts), and send it to the head minister of the Colonies, with a letter. Says you, minister, says you, here's a work that will open your eyes a bit ; it will give you considerable information on American matters, and that's a thing, I guess, none on you know a bit too much on. You han't heerd so much truth, nor seen so pretty a book, this one while, I know. It gives the Yankees a considerable of a hacklin, and that ought to please you ; it shampoos the English, and that ought to please the YanJiees ,- and it does make a proper fool of Blue-nose, and that ought to please you both, because it shows it's a considerable of an impartial work. Now, says you, minister, it's not altogether considered a very profitable trade to work for nothin and find thread. An author can't live upon nothin but air, like a cameleon, though he can change colour as often as that little crittur does. This work has done g good deal of good. It has made more people hear of Nova Scotia than ever heerd tell of it afore by a long chalk ; it has given it a character in the world it never had before, and raised the valy of rael property there considerable; it has shown the world that all the Blue-iioses there ain't fools, at any rate; and, though I say it that shouldn't say it, that there is one gentleman there that shall be name- less that's cut his eye-teeth, anyhow. The natives are considerable proud of him : and if you want to make an impartial deal, to tie the Nova Scotians to you for ever, to make your own name descend to posterity with honour, and to prevent the inhabitants from ever thinking of Yankee connection (mind that hint, say a good deal about that; for it's a tender point that, ajoinin of our union, and fear is plaguy sight stronger than love any time), you'll gist sarve him as you sarved Earl Mulgrave (though his writin's ain't to be compared to the Clockmaker no more than chalk is to cheese) ; you gave him the governorship of Jamaica, and arterwards of Ireland. John Russell's writins got him the birth of the leader in the House of Commons. Well, Francis Head, for his writins y^ou made him Governor of Canada, and Walter Scott you made a baronet of, and Bulwer you did for too, and a great many others you have got the other side of the water you sarved the same way. Now, minister, fair play is a jewel, says you; if you can reward your writers to home with go- vernorships and baronetcies, and all sorts o' snug things, let's have a taste o' the good things this side o' the water too. You needn't be afraid o' bein too often troubled that way by authors from this country. (It will make him larf that, and there's many a true word said in joke) ; but we've got a sweet tooth here as well as you have. Poor pickins in this country, and colonists are as hungry as hawks. The Yankee made Washington Irvin a minister plenipo', to honour him; and Blackwood last November, in his magazine, says that are Yankee's books ain't fit to be named in the same day with the Clock- maker — thai they're nothin but Jeremiads. Now, though Black- ti THE CLOCKMAKER'S PARTING ADVICE. 285 vood desarves to be well kicked for his politics (mind and say that, ov ho abuses \\\o ministry sky-high thatfoller — I wouhhi't take tbat ritfui's sarso, if I was them, for nothin a' most — he raeliy does blow liem up in great style), he ain't a bad judge of books — at least it Idii'l become me to say so; and if he don't know much about 'em, I |i>; I won't turn my back on any one in that line. So, minister, says nu, gist tip a stave to the Governor of Nova Scotia, order him to in- juire out the author, and to tell that man, that distinguished man, hat her Majesty delights to reward merit, and honour talent, and hat if lie will come home, she'll make a man of him for ever, for the ;ake of her ro mock them with hopes never to be realized ; insult them with rights ■i* '* which when they dare to use shall be rudely torn from them ; and * •' for abiding by the law, in seeking redress of their wrongs, punish M .' them by the infliction of a dictator and a despotism.' Truisms are i' seldom repeated; they require but to be enounced, to be assented to. "• iParadoxes are more fortunate; they startle and perplex, and he who I* cannot originate can at least copy. I was, therefore, not surprised ^' 'it hearing an humble imitation of this diatribe at a meeting of the 115 lower orders of Edinburgh at Carlton Hill. That the audience might ni ;Bnd time to attend, the assembly was held by torchlight, a fitting em- li 't)lem for incendiary doctrines. Tories and Whigs were alike repro- m 'bated by an orator, who, when he had exhausted the topics of domestic V- 'misrule, deplored in most pathetic terms the lot ' of our oppressed 4 ind enslaved brethren in Canada.' If this be true of them, it is an iIj jppeal to humanity, and when in Britain was that appeal f star\;!tion, v.hich so 'i 'iften invade the English manufacturer, and which, aided by their demagogues, I i^oad them on to every thing but open rebellion. Lower Canada is a fine coun- ., ,.ry, and will hereafter become populous and powerful, especially as the British md Anglo-American population shall flow in more extensively, and impart more ' h'igour and activity to the community. The climate, notwilhslanding its severity, is a good one, and very healthy and favourable lo the freshness and beauty of the iinman constitution. All the most important comforts of life are easily and j abundantly obtained.' II This, you will observe, is but the evidence of opinion; produce » "your facts. Agreed. To the facts then let us proceed. i( I 300 THE BUBBLES LETTER Hi. can bee Jte* us I By the treaty of peace in the year 1763, Canada, the conquest d which had been achieved on the plains of Abraham, by Genera Wolfe, was ceded, in full sovereignty andright, to his Britannic Maj est; by the King of France, and the French inhabitants who chose to re main in the country became subjects of Great Britain, and were sel cured in the enjoyment of their property and possessions, and thj P*' free exercise of their religion. Thus terminated the power of Fran(^ in that portion of North America ; and here it may be useful to paus< and consider, with this vast addition of territory, how extensive anc important are our transatlantic possessions. They may be computed, in round numbers, to comprise upward of four millions of geographical square miles, extending across th(' whole Continent, from the Atlantic on the east, to the shores of th( North Pacific Ocean on the west; on the parallel of the 49" of nortl; latitude their extreme breadth is about 3,066 geographical miles, an^ their greatest depth from the most southern point of Upper Canada ir' Lake Erie, to Smith's Sound in the Polar regions, rather more thar ]*"" 2,150, thus embracing a large portion of the Arctic Seas, and of tlu *"'' Atlantic and Pacific. Wm The population of this country may be estimated at little short o "'""I" two millions; while the export trade to it exceeds that to Russia|| 1 alrr. 'Tkepoi ( Prussia, Denmark, Sweden, Norway, and France collectively, an nearly equals that to the United States, the most commercial country in the world next to Great Britain. These exports have increasec 40 per cent, in three years. In carrying on this trade, about seven thousand British vessels are employed; the tonnage of those inwards and outwards being eacl: way nearly 1,000,000 tons annually, either to Great Britain or hei' other colonies, all of them, be it remembered, navigated by her own- seamen, and employing British capital; and seven-eighths of the'!*,io whole produce so transported being paid for in labour to her owrl ''j'* people, and all the profits, agencies, and brokerages of this enormou^ trade divided among her own subjects. Can the possible loss oi such a trade be contemplated, without apprehending consequences serious to the manufacturing interests, and prejudicial to national prosperity ? In four years not less than 300,000^. has been paid by emigrants! as passage-money to her ship-owners; and if out of the number ol 170,000 who emigrated during that period, only 20,000 * had bccoract * See Letter to E. Baines, Esq. , M.P. OF CANADA. 301 irdensomc at home, and had cost their parishes only 4/. per head r annum, the expenses to the community (which have heen saved) 3uld have been 3-20,000/. Such are the interests now at stake, and which you are called Don to surrender. My Lord Brougham, the advocate ' for the dif- ision of useful knowledge,' thus sanctions the doctrine tliat colonies ough large are unwieldy, and though possessing intrinsic value, j'St more for their support and protection, than counterbalances any (Ivantage to be derived from them. ' i have always held (he ob- rvcd on the '2d of February last, when speaking on the Canada lestion) , the severance of a colony to be a benefit and no loss, provided can be effected in peace, and leave only feelings of kindness on ther side.' At the same time he ' hurled defiance (I use his own ords) at the head of the premier,' to point out where he had ever langed his principles. The noble viscount was silent, the challenge as not accepted, and his consistency remained unimpeached. I n more interested in colonial prosperity than either of them, having ) desire to be handed over to the tender mercies of republicans, and ill take the liberty to refer to that instance that was so triumphantly jmanded. I allude to a more deliberate opinion, the result of study id reflection, emanating not from the excitement of debate and the )Dflict of party spirit, but from the retirement of his closet. On a rmer occasion he thus expressed himself on this subject : — 1' Each nation derives greater beneQt from having an increasing market in one , its own provinces, than in a foreign country. 1 ' The colonial trade is always increasing and capable of indefinite augmenta- id; every operation of colonial trallic replaces two capitals, the employment id distribution of whicli puts in motion and supports the labour of the different embers of the same state. ♦ The increasing wealth of Russia, Prussia, or Denmark, can never benefit real Britain unless by the increasing demand for British produce which il may casion. It may, and often is, on the contrary, turned against her weallli and twer; whilst the riches of colonies have a certain tendency to widen the miirkct r British produce, and can never injure the wealth or power of the mother tuntry. ' The possession of remote territories, is the only thing which can secure to llic )palalion of a country those advantages derived from an easy outlet, or prospect 'oatlet, to tliose persons who may be ill provided for at home. ' It is absurd to represent the defences and government of colonics as a burden. ' ' is ridiculous for the United Kingdom to complain, that she is at the expense of ivcrning and defending tier colonial territories.' Among the benefits to be derived from the ' diffusion of useful inowledge,' it is certainly not the least that we are enabled to com- are the professions of public men with their acts, and the actors ith each other. My Lords Brougham and Durham have both travelled .10 same road — selected similar topics — supported them by the same rguments — and aimed at one conclusion; and yet, strange to say, liey stand opposed to each other. Coming from a small province, 302 THE BUBBLES and a very limited sphere of action, I may be allowed the privilege i a stranger, and be permitted to express my surprise. I had read i the speech to which I have referred, of certain commissioners of ii quiry who were placed in an extraordinary situation, ' where ea( one generally differed from his colleague in the views he took of tl argument, and frequently also from himself; but both agreeing in t) conclusions at which they arrived, by the course of reasoning oi way and deciding another.' It is an awkward position for men to] found in ; but little did I anticipate finding the noble author illustra ing, in his own person, the case he has described with such point* and bitter irony. But this is a digression, and I must return to n subject. Whether a country extending over such an immense space, cor taining such a great and growing population, and affording such an e tensive and profitable trade, has been misgoverned, is therefore, question of the first importance. The affirmative of this propositid which the governor-general has advanced, has inspired the reb(; with new hopes ; and forms, no doubt, a principal ingredient of th! satisfaction which he says his administration has given to the inh;.. bitants of the neighbouring republic. It is a charge, however, i which the honour of the nation is deeply concerned, and should neith* be flippantly made nor easily credited. In the month of October following the treaty. His Majesty pu- lished his proclamation, under the great seal of Great Britain, U erecting four new civil governments, to wit, those of Quebec, EjI Florida, West Florida, and Granada, in the countries and islands i America, which had been ceded to the Crown by the definitive treat. In this proclamation the King exhorted his subjects as well of h kingdoms of Great Britain and Ireland, as of his colonies in Ameri(, to avail themselves, with all convenient speed, of the great benel^ and advantages that would accrue, from the great and valuable acq* sitions ceded to his Majesty in America, to their commerce, man- factures, and navigation. As an encouragement to them lo do so, e informed .them that in the commissions he had given to the ciil governors of the said four new provinces, he had given express povr and directions that, so soon as the state and circumstances of the s4 colonies would admit thereof, they should, with the advice and ci^ sent of the members of his Majesty's councils in the said provinci, summon and call general assemblies of the people within the said f- vernments, in such manner as was used in those colonies and pi- vinces in America which were under his Majesty's immediate govei- ment; and that in the meantime, and until such assemblies coulde called, all persons inhabiting, in, or resorting to his Majesty's Sii colonies, might confide in his Majesty's royal protection for the enj f ment of the benefit ry^^ laws ofMsreahn of England; that for tit ^! OF CANADA. 308 urpose his Majesty had given power, under the great seal, to the go- I iernorsofhis Majesty'ssaid new colonies, to erect and constitute, with I! ihe advice of his Majesty's said councils respectively, courts of judica- i lire and public justice, within the said colonies, for the hearing and t ItTinining all causes, as well criminal as civil, according to law and (juity, and as near as may be, agreeably to the laws of England ; with I iberly to all persons who might think themselves aggrieved by the 1: entence of such courts, in all civil oases, to appeal, under the usual tt imitations and restrictions, to his Majesty in his Privy Council. i I On the 21st day of November 1763,* about six weeks after the pub- it (icatlon of the aforesaid proclamation, his Majesty issued hiscommis- ion of captain-general and governor-in-chief of the province of 1 >uebec, to Major-general Murray, which was received by him, and It (published in the province in the month of August 1764. This com- m laission, and the insurrection that accompanied it everywhere, pre- :i upposod that the laws of England were in force in the province, f^ I'eing full of allusions and references to those laws on a variety of { ifTerent subjects, and did not contain the least intimation of a saving i f any part of the laws and customs that prevailed there, in the time I, tf the French government. il I It appears, therefore, upon the whole, from the proclamation and ommission, to have been his Majesty's intention, with respect to the I aid province of Quebec, to assimilate the laws and government of it 1, 10 those of the other American colonies and provinces which were [ inder his Majesty's immediate government, and not to continue the i3 nunicipallaws and customs by which the conquered people had here- ^ ofore been governed, any farther than as those laws might be ne- f jessary to the preservation of their property. And his Majesty's Pf, ,ainisters, at the time of passing those instruments, were evidently rj |i opinion that, by the refusal of General Amherst to grant to the ., ,]anadians the continuance of their ancient laws and usages; and by „ |he reference made in the fourth article of the definitive treaty of .J leace to the laws of Great Britain, as the measure of the indulgence ,j intended to be shown them with respect to the exercise of their religion, ^ .ufficient notice had been given to the conquered inhabitants of Uhat i,j .irovince, that it was his Majesty's pleasure that they should be go- jj .erned for the future according to the laws of England. It is evident ij ,ilso, that the inhabitants, after being thus apprised of his Majesty's in- Ij, ention, had consented to be so governed, and had testified their said ]^ j:onsent, by continuing to reside in the country, and taking the oath of ^.illegiance to his Majesty, when they might have withdrawn them- j jelves from the province, with all their effects, and the produce of the sale sll ^ij} > * See Smith's History of Canada. 304 THE BUBBLES M of their estates, within the eighteen months allowed by his Majesty in the treaty of peace, for that purpose. In consequence of this introduction of the laws of England into the province, by the aforesaid proclamation and commission, Governor Murray and his Council, in the great ordinance dated on the 17th day of September 1764 (passed at the commencement of the civil government of the province, for the establishment of courts of justice in it), directed the chief justice of the province (who was to hold the superior court or Court of King's Bench, established by that ordi- nance), to determine all criminal and civil causes agreeable to the laws of England, and the ordinances of the province ; and the judges of the inferior court, established by the said ordinance (which was called the Court of Common Pleas], to determine the matters before them agi'eeably to equity, having regard nevertheless to the laws oj ^ England, as far as the circumstances and situation of things would permit, until such time as proper ordinances for the information o] the people could be established by the governor and council, agree- able to the laws of England ; with this just and prudent proviso, ' thai the French laws and customs should be allowed and admitted in al causes in the said court between the natives of the said province, ir which the cause of action arose, before the 1st day of October 1764. In consequence of these instruments of government, the laws a JI England were generally introduced into it, and consequently became ij^ the rule and measure of all contracts and other civil engagement entered into by the inhabitants after the introduction of them, tha is, after the establishment of the civil government of the province, o: after the said 1st day of October 1764. At this time the population of Canada amounted to 65,000 souls and was confined to the banks of the St. Lawrence and its tributar streams. As the people had now become British subjects, it wa deemed expedient to introduce, as soon as possible, emigrants o English extraction, as well for the purpose of creating a defensiv power within the province, as to induce the French to acquire th language, and adopt the habits of their conquerors. The officer and soldiers of the army that had served in America were rewarde with grants of land in the country which they had conquered, an' liberal offers were made to people in the other provinces, and toemi grants from Europe to remove thither. The facilities of interns transport, the fertility of the soil, and salubrity of the climate, ope rated so powerfully, that in a short time the influx of strangers wa so great as to induce the hope that it would speedily rival the Ne> England states in population and wealth ; and no doubt can now b entertained that if tlte terms of the proclamation had been honestl adhered to, these expectations Viould have been fully realised. As firori )rep mi ilk [Ma OP CANADA. 305 atter of policy nothing could have been more wise, than since it ad now become a British colony, to endeavour, as soon as possible, to make it so in fact as well as in name. The introduction of Eng- lish laws had a natural tendency to disseminate the lana;uage, by endering the study of it necessary to the Canadian French, and a Iconstant intercourse with the emigrants could not fail, by rendering Itheir customs familiar, to have gradually led to their ado})ti()n. This ■ichange, though great in the first instance, and no doubt repugnant 'to their feelings, would have gradually recommended itself to the 'iFrench, and by the time a new generation had sprung up, all incon- ■venience would have ceased to be felt any longer. The first fatal 'error that was committed was ordering a code of laws to be prej)ared |for the province, with such modifications as would secure to the rench the system of tenure and inheritance, to which they had been accustomed. This occasioned much delay, and enabled their leaders to represent that any change would alienate the allections of IJie in- habitants, who would naturally extend to the government the dislike that they felt to their institutions. Unfortunately, while this was under consideration, the time had arrived when they could enforce their demands with a threat, and the rebellion which shortly after- wards broke out in the English colonies (now constituting the United Slates), made their conciliation become a matter of state policy. It was therefore determined at once to restore the French laws as they 'existed at the conquest, and the celebrated Quebec Act, 14 Geo. 3, e. 88, was passed for that purpose. This statute enacted, ' that his Majesty's subjects professing the religion of the Church of Rome, in the said province of Quebec, may have, hold and enjoy, the free exercise of their religion, subject to the King's supremacy, and that ^the clergy of the said church may hold, receive, and enjoy their 'accustomed dues and rights, with respect to such persons only as shall profess the said religion ; and that it shall be lawful for his Ma- jesty, his heirs or successors, to make such provision for the support of the Protestant clergy within the said province, as he or they shall from time to time think necessary and expedient.' But by far the most important clause was that which, after reciting that the English laws which had prevailed therefor ten years, administered and re- gulated under commissions to governors , hadheenfoundinapplicahle "* 'to tJie state and circumstances oftJve country, enacted that from and ^ after the 1st of May, 17'7 5, tlie said English laws andpraetice of courts should be annulled. It is true that the criminal law of England was excepted, and that the system of torture which had been in previous existence was abolished for ever. During the time they were under French domination a person suspected of crime was seized, thrown into prison, and interrogated, without knowing the charge brought against him, and without being confronted with his accuser. He 20 306 THE BUBBLES was deprived of the assistance either of his friends, relations, or counsel. He was sworn to tell the truth, or rather to accuse him- self, without any value being attached to his testimony. Questions were then artfully put, which are described as more difficult for innocence to unravel than vice to deny. The prisoner was never confronted with the person who had deposed against him, except at the moment before judgment was pronounced, or when the torture was applied, or at his execution, which jugdment in capital cases was invariably followed by confiscation of property. This act also constituted a council with the power to make ordinances, conjointly with the governor, but not to impose taxes except for making roads. The ordinances were to be laid before his Majesty for allowance, and those touching religion not to be in force until formally approved of by the King. This flagrant violation of the promises held out in the proclama- tion, and of the terms upon which the ipeople of British origin had settled in the provinces, filled them with dismay. They felt thai they had the wretched choice presented to them of abandoning theii property and removing from the colony, or of remaining a miserable minority, to be ruled and governed by foreigners, whose favour could only be conciliated by their forgetting their country, their language, and religion, as soon as possible, and becoming Frenchmen. The} accordingly lost no time in forwarding petitions, in which they were joined by the merchants of London, interested in the North Ame- rican trade, to the king and the two houses of parliament, expressiv( of their sense of the injury they had sustained, and of the misery likely to be entailed by this act upon the province, but no repea was effected, and the act remained as it was passed. Importunity often prevails against conviction, and the most nois; applicant is generally the first relieved, not because he is the mos' deserving, but because he is the most troublesome. The Frencl Canadians appear to have been fully aware of this fact, and to hav |1 acted upon it; and the English finding their opponents first in th ii field, have been put on the defensive, and instead of seeking what wa hi due to themselves, have been compelled to expostulate that too grea * a share has been given to their rivals. The advantage gained b 1 this position, the former have constantly maintained; and, it is singular fact, that while the latter are the only aggrieved party] i ; the country, the former have forestalled the attention of the public [«[ and engrossed- the whole of its sympathy. Every page of this wor ta will confirm and illustrate this extraordinary fact. The Quebec Ac Jii was obnoxious, not merely to the British party in Canada, but to th ifp inhabitants of those colonies whose gallantry so materially contribute ;sji to its conquest. It has been the singular fate of this unfortunate bi ■% to have excited two rebellions. It caused the cup of America iw OF CANADA. 307 Igrievanco, whicli was already filled to the brim, to overflow into re- ^ .volt, and has subsequently given rise to a train of events that have ' induced the very men that it was designed to conciliate, to follow the - I fatal exaniple that had been set to them by their republican neigh- \ I hours. LETTER IV. k As soon as the struggle had ended in the old colonies, by their I : successful assertion of independence, a vast emigration of the loyalists I took place into Canada, comprising a great number of persons of , character and property ; and these people, who had been accustomed u ,to the exercise of the electoral privilege, united with those of their II countrymen who had previously settled there in demanding a modi-' li fication of the Quebec Act, and the establishment of a local legisla- H :ture. The petitions of these people gave rise to the Act of the 31st i rGeo. 3, c, 31, commonly called the Constitutional Act, to which and IS I to the Quebec Act, of the 14th of the same reign, c. 83, alluded to 11 I in my former letter, is to be attributed all the trouble experienced in Ii( governing Canada. In the fatal concessions to the Canadians con- s itained in these Acts, is to be found the origin of that anti-British tf feeling which, engendered by the powers conferred by those Acts, in has increased with every exercise of those powers, until it has as- !ti sumed the shape of concentrated hatred and open rebellion. By this p6 ; Act Canada was divided into two provinces, respectively called Upper and Lower Canada. The latter, to which all my remarks will here- of after be confined, lies between the parallels of the 45° and 52" of M North latitude, and the meridian of 57° 50' and 80° 6' West longitude 'HI .from Greenwich. It is bounded on the north by the territory of the [if Hudson's Bay Company, on the east by the Gulph of St. Lawrence, ill I on the south by New Brunswick and part of the United States, and m I on the west by a line that separates it from Upper Canada, and con- :tj J tains more than 250,000 square miles. 11 ( To this country this celebrated Act gave a constitution, consisting i! :of a Governor and Executive Council of eleven members, appointed V 'by the Crown; a Legislative Council, forming the second estate, ap- § I pointed in like manner by the Crown, consisting of fifteen members rt ' (but subsequently, as we shall see, increased to forty) ; and a Bepre- fi isentative Assembly, or House of Commons, composed of fifty mcm- (ijihers (afterwards increased to eighty-eight), each having powers as tor nearly analogous to those of King, Lords, and Commons, as the \(i 1 varied circumstances of the two countries and the dependence of the jj(j I colony would admit. 308 THE BUBBLES The enacting power they bestowed upon the colony, introduced from year to year another set of statutes, in addition to what they were subject to already, so that they now have aunion of French, English, and provincial law. Such a confusion, you may easily imagine, im- posed great difficulties, as well upon those who had to administer, as those who were bound to obey those laws; but of the extent of those difficulties, of the impediments they oflered to the transfer of real estate, of the frauds to which they gave rise, and the obstacles they presented to the settlement and prosperity of the country, it is im- possible for an Englishman to form any idea without first inquiring into the structure of this singular code. The subject, however, is too important to be disposed of in this cursory manner, and I shall, therefore, even at the hazard of being thought tedious, endeavour tO' give you some general account of the situation of the country in this particular. I am the more induced to do so, because, independent of the explanation which it will give of much that I have to say to you, it appears to be indispensible to the full understanding of the Tenures' Act, which is now one of the great complaints of the dis- affected. There exists in Lower Canada no regular code in which the laws of the land are systematically incorporated, nor would it indeed be a task of ordinary difficulty to collect and condense them, so diverse are their elements, and so complex their character.* The jurispru- dence of the country may be said to embrace the French, the English, and the Roman or civil laws, and these are all so blended in practice, that it is often doubtful whence the rule of decision will be drawn, although the Une of distinction is better defined in theory. The sta- tute law of the province may be stated under five heads : — 1st, The articles of capitulaUon, that form part of the guaranteed rights of the inhabitants; 2d, The 31st Geo. III. cap. 31, or the constitutional act, and all other British statutes expressly extending to the colonies; 3d, The edicts, declarations, and ordinances of the Kings of France officially registered in the province; 4th, The ordinances of the go- vernor and council anterior to 1792; and 5th, The acts of the pro- vincial legislature subsequent to 1792. The common law is the cus- tom of Paris as modified by the customs of the country, and this lav was co-extensive with the whole province until the passing of the Ca .nada tenures* bill in 1825, which restricted the application of tlu French law to the feudal section of the colony, and introduced bodih the English laws to the remainder of the province. The crimina law of the province is the English code as it stood in 1774, and tht statutes of a declaratory or modifying nature that have since passec the local legislature. * See Boucliette, ] OF CANADA. 309 When Hic country was first settled by the French, the feudal te- nure was in full vigour on the continent of Europe, and naturally transplanted by the colonizers to the new world. The King of France, as feudal lord, granted to nobles and respectable families, or to olTicers of the army, large tracts of land, termed seigniories, the proprietors of wliich were termed seigniors; and held immedi- ately from the King en Jref., or en roture, on condition of rendering fealty and homage on accession to seigniorial property; and in the event of a transfer, by sale, or gift, or otherwise (except in hereditary succession), the seigniory was subject to the payment of -dqidnty or fifth part of the whole purchase-money; and which, if paid by the purchaser immediately, entitled him to the rabat, or a reduction of two-thirds of the quint. The custom still prevails, the King of Great Britain having succeeded to the claims of the King of France.* The position and extent of these seigniorial grants are : — Territorial Division, Quebec, iacluding Anticosti and other Isles Montreal and Islands Three Rivers and St. Francis, &c. . iouture or payment for grinding. The lods ct vcntes form another art of the seigneur's revenue : it consists of a right to one-twelfth art of the purchase money of every estate within his seigniory that lianges its owner by sale or other means equivalent to sale : this Aolfth to be paid by the purchaser, and is exclusive of the sum L-reed on between the latter and the seller, and if promptly paid, a eduction of one-fourth is usually made (in the same manner as two- liirds of the (juini duo to the Crown is made). On such an occasion privilege remains with the seigneur but seldom exercised, called he droit dv retrait, which confers the right of pre-emption at the lighest bidden price within forty days after the sale has taken place. I All the fisheries within the seigniories contribute also to the lord's income, as he receives of the lisli caught, or an equivalent in money n the same : the seigneur is also privileged to fell timber any where \ ithin his seigniory for the purpose of erecting mills, constructing lew or repairing old roads, or for other works of public and general itility. In addition to the foregoing obligations on the farmer, he is, fa Roman Catholic, bound to pay to his curate one twenty-sixth part i all grain produced, and to have occasional assessments levied on lim for building and repairing churches, parsonage houses, etc. I The duties of the seigneur to his tenants are also strictly defined, —he is bound in some instances to open roads to the remote parts of lis fief, and to provide mills for the grinding of the feudal tenants' orn ; — he cannot dispose by sale of forest lands, but is bound to itODcede them, and upon his refusal to do so, the applicant may i>btain from the Crown the concession he requires, under the usual eigniorial stipulations, in which case the rents and dues appertain to he King. I The socccifje tenure, like i\\Q franc aleu roturkr, leaves the farmer ir landholder wholly unshackled by any conditions whatsoever as .0 rents, corvees, mutation fines, hanalete (corn grinding obligation) vithout in fact any other obUgation than allegiance to the King, and tbedience to the laws. The quantity of land thus granted in Lower uanada amounts to upwards of 7,000,000 acres — while under the leigniorial grants there are nearly 11,000,000 acres held by a vast ,mmber of small proprietors. ; It is very dilficult to conceive how the statesman who sanctioned he act that substituted this extraordinary code for that of England, iiould have imagined it could ever be productive of anything butdis- ;ord in a country inhabited by two races of diiTerent origin and difler- ;nt language. Any person at all acquainted with the prejudices and )assions that oi)erateon man, will easily understand that the French, ealousof any innovation, are constantly suspicious of an intention on he part of the English to infringe upon their rights, and introduce heir own system of jurisprudence, to which they are accustomed and 312 THE BUBBLES 1| i«\er attached, instead of that which they neither understand nor approve; jlft**^ and, on the other hand, that the Enghsh, naturally an enterprising j|{pfr^ and commercial people, find the feudal tenure an intolerable burden, ijnlijlite"* and spurn with indignation the idea of being subjected to the go-iks d"''^ vernment of a race whom they have conquered, and to the operation | of laws, which even the people with whom they originated, have rejected as unsuited to the exigencies of the times. In addition to ([joiernii this grievous error of establishing a code of laws that exists nowhere else, three others were committed of equal magnitude : first, in dividing Canada into two provinces, and thus separating the French from the majority of the English ; secondly, in permitting the lan- guage of the courts, and the records of the legislature, to be French ; and, thirdly, in giving at so early a period, and before the people were fitted to receive it, a constitutional government. The concentrated settlement of the French along the shores ol the St. Lawrence necessarily excluded the English emigrants from that fertile territory, and compelled them to remove to the borders ot the lakes. In addition to this obvious cause of their not settling in the immediate neighbourhood of the Canadians, it is evident that the nature of the feudal tenure to which those lands were subject, and the introduction of French laws in direct contravention of thei proclamation, rendered such a separation of the two races inevitable. Under these circumstances one would naturally have supposed tha^ a wise government would have endeavoured, as far as possible, toi counteract the tendency of these causes, to alienate, as well as se- parate, these people of different origin. But, alas, the fatal prin ciple of conciliation had now been adopted as the rule of action, anc the favourable opportunity of Anglifying the colony, and amalgamate ing the population, by identifying the interests of both, was not onli neglected, but the most effectual mode was adopted to make th« distinction as marked and as permanent as possible. Not conten| m with this act of folly and injustice, the French were entrusted witl an almost exclusive possession of the popular branch of the legisla- ture, and even constituted, at the same time, toll-keepers to the adi joining province. Both the ports of Quebec and Montreal were as-^ ntpmeai signed to the French, and the inhabitants of Upper Canada wer, ™"'"' thus cut off from all communication with the mother country, bu ^^^^i^^ such as might be granted by the Americans or their Gallic neigh'* btadtj, hours. If the persons who framed that act had compared the state o the revolted colonies with that of Canada, and reflected that the, were settled nearly a century later than the other, they certain! ompelle keEns' JKflltlf llBTSeitll md is fl liivii ilijectioD Hit Ik iff. Tlif iii^iI(D;lhi », ffl liiM, tlief kIkI;, Jim, amai %\\ n never would have attempted to do such injustice as to subject thilsfcH trade of another colony to the exactions of an illiterate and prejudice! J**i people. If, however, the necessities of the times demanded a sacri- |J|'l' fice on this important point, surely they should have paused beforf Hp,fj, V OF CANADA. 313 ;y gave thorn a constitutional povernment, and enquired whether 3y wore sufllciently intelligent lo receive the institutions of a free and lightened jjoople. The experiment of constitutional government IS never tried by a people less qualified for the task than the nadians. Until the conquest they may be said to have known no other form government than a despotic one; few of them could read or write, d the habits of implicit obedience in which thoy had been trained their superiors rendered them unable to comprehend the nature their own rights, or those of the other branches of the legislature. le powers exercised by the several French governors and intend- its knew^ no bounds; and, unrestrained by law, their decisions 3re dictated by the caprice of the moment. The inhabitants were mpelled to serve as soldiers without pay, in the frequent wars with e English, and were treated with the greatest severity by their su- iriors. The exactions of the military, instead of being restrained ere encouraged, and on all occasions the protection of the governor ■ intendant was necessary to insure success, while merit in every istance was overlooked. Remonstrances against oppression had equently been transmitted to the government in France, but were ways either suppressed or disregarded. Their character at this 3riod is thus drawn by the Abbe Raynal, whose account, as his irtiality must have been all in their favour, I prefer as the most Dobjectionable. He observes : * That those whom rural labour fixed in the country, allowed only a few mo- lents lo the care of their flocks and lo other indispensable occupations during inter. The res! of the time was passed in idleness at public-liouses, or in Tun- ing along the snow and ice in sledges, in imilation of the most distinguished lizens. When the return of spring called them out lo the necessary labours of le field, they ploughed ihe ground superficially, williout ever manuring it, sowed carelessly, and then returned to their former indolent manner of life till bar- est time. ' This amazing negligence might be owing to several causes. They contracted JCh a habit of idleness during the continuance of the severe weather, thai labour ppearcd insupportable to them even in the finest weather. The numerous bslivals prescribed by their religion, which owed its increase to their es'.ablish- MDt, prevented the first exertion, as well as interrupted the progress of industry. len are ready enough to comply with that species of devotion that flatters their adolence. Lastly, a passion for war, which had been purposely encouraged mong these bold and courageous men, made them averse from the labours of lusbandry. Their minds were so entirely captivated with military glory that |., hey thought only of war, though they engaged in it without pay. * The inhabitants of the towns, especially of Ihe capital, spent the winter as '" rell as the summer in a constant scene of dissipation. They were alike insen- lili ible of the beauties of nature or of the pleasures of the imagination. They had 10 lasle for arts or science, for reading or instruction. Their only passion was musement. * There appeared in both sexes a greater degree of devoiion than virtue, more digion than probity; a higher sense of honour than real honesty. Superstition iSook place of morality, which will always be the case whenever men are tauglit 314 THE BUBBLES to believe that ceremonies will compensate for good works, and that crimes s expiated by prayers.' A greater folly can hardly be conceived than conferring a consl tutional government upon a people so situated. Wherever the e: periment has been tried, whether in France, in the repubUcof Sou America, in Spain, in Portugal, Greece, Newfoundland, or Low Canada, it has invariably failed. The constitution of England, as now exists, is the growth of ages, and would have been as unsuitab to our ancestors five hundred years ago as it is to the Lower Ganadia of the present day. Regard must be had to the character and coi dition of the people to whom such a form of government is offere What may suit the inhabitants of England, may be, and is, very u- suitable to those of any other country. It is not sufficient that tli machinery be good, but, if we desire to avoid accidents and insui success, we must place skilful people in the management of it, wli are thoroughly acquainted with its power, and have a perfect kno^ ledge of its principle of action. The limited monarchy of Englail was found unsuited to America, although the people were of Britia extraction, accustomed to free institutions, and perfectly instructl in its practical operation. They were so unfortunate as not i possess any materials out of which to construct a House of Lore, and therefore so modified their constitution as to meet the alter! circumstances of the country. This humble imitation is a che» article, and good of its kind, though badly put together; but a betir and more costly one would not have corresponded with the limitl means and humble station of a poor people. Their choice isi proof of their wisdom, and their having the opportunity to chooi, at a time of life when they were able to make a judicious selectio, is also a proof of their good fortune. Had the Canadians been calll upon, at the time of the conquest, to point out what governmet they would have preferred, they would unquestionably have soliciti that of a single intendant ; they had never known any other, andt was the only one for which they were fitted. So strong, indeed, J the force of habit, that rejecting the constitution, which they canit understand, and do not appreciate, they have, after a vain attest to accommodate themselves to it, resorted to the usage of former da^, and (however unfortunate they may have been in the character ai conduct of the person they selected as their leader) have adopU the usage of their forefathers, and implicitly yielded their confiderS and obedience to one man. OF CANADA. 9I6 LETTER V. U j Having thus traced historically the measures of government, from 1,1 jie conquest of the country to the time when the Constitutional liH |ct went into operation in the province (iCth December 1791), aii ihich forms the first important epoch in the history of the Colony, I Ju lall divide the time that intervened between tliat period and the llei iresent into four otlier portions : The second extends from the meet- ryi |ig of the lirst provincial House of Assembly in December 1792 to all }518, when a demand was made for a civil list ; the third from im |ience to 1828, when the pretensions of the Assembly had assumed ,( j distinct and definite form, and were referred to a committee of Par- iiu ament; the fourth from thence to 1834, when a further reference of i»|i iditional grievances, was made to another parliamentary committee; Irjj nd the fifth from 1834 to the present period. Such a division will 'i)ii Jucidate the growth and increase of those revolutionary principles 5)1 he natural and obvious result of such a form of government) which oi rst appeared in an insidious attempt to monopolise the whole civil !(ij jower by such a complete control in matters of legislation and finance tin ,5 would render her Majesty's representative, and the Legislative [id jouncil, subservient to the interests, prejudices, and passions of the ^ ,rench Canadian majority, and finally terminated in open rebellion, ij I do not mean by this to affirm that all that has since transpired was i(( |ie result of a preconceived design, systematically acted upon; but as flj rncontrolled power was given by the constitution to the French ^ [arty, that these pretensions were the natural result of such a power, J, nd that they were unhesitatingly put forward as soon as their lead- i(j |rs had become acquainted with the working of the constitution, ,j, |nd aware that they were invested with the means of imposing their ,^ wn terms upon government. ju , The first assembly met on the 17th of December 1792, and as the .^ jepresenlation had been most injudiciously based on the principle of )j (Opulation, thirty-five out of the fifty members of this first house J ere French, and fifteen only English, a minority too large and re- j ipectable to be sufTered to continue longer than to teach the majority u tie forms of business, and we accordingly find, at a subsequent pe- iod, tliat it was reduced to three. The change from arbitrary to onstitutional government was so great, that the French were for ome time under the influence of those grateful feelings which such state of things so naturally engendered. In one of their addresses )his Majesty, soliciting the establishment of a legislature, they thus xpress their sense of his mild and paternal government : 310 THE BUBBLES ' Sir, — Your most obedient and faithful new subjects in the province of (. nada take the liberty to prostrate thenaselves at the foot of your throne, in ore to lay before you the sentiments of respect, affection, and obedience towards ye august person, with which their hearts overflow, and to return to your Maje^ tlieir most humble thanks for your paternal care of their welfare. 'Our gratitude obliges us to acknowledge, that the faithful appearances f conquest by your Majesty's victorious arms did not long continue to excite (: lamentations and tears. They grew every day less and less, as we gradually . came more acquainted with the happiness of living under the wise regulalion:f the British empire. And even in the very moment of the conquest we were r from feeling the melancholy effects of restraint and captivity; for the wise i\ virtuous general who conquered us, being a worthy representative of the glorii sovereign who entrusted him with the command of his armies, left us in poss- sion of our laws and customs; the free exercise of our religion was preserved to , and afterwards was confirmed by the treaty of peace; and our own former count- men were appointed judges of our disputes concerning civil matters. Thisexts of kindness towards us we shall never forget. These generous proofs of the c- mency of our benign conqueror will be carefully preserved in the annals of r V history; and we shall transmit them from generation to generation to our reraoU I posterity. These, vSir, are the pleasing ties by which, in the beginning of r subjection to your Majesty's government, our hearts were so strongly boundi your Majesty; ties which can never be dissolved, but which time will only strengtli and draw closer.' Impressed with a sense of the benefits conferred upon them bytls great change, trammelled by parliamentary forms with which thf were wholly unacquainted, and not yet aware of the unlimited mccS of annoyance, if not of controul, with which they were invested, b find them for some time proceeding with decorum and modei- tion. But there were not wanting those in the colony who wee filled with alarm at the sight of the first Canadian assembly, whi(, even with the largest minority ever known, contained a majority^ more than twice as many Frenchmen as Enghshmen, and possesjfl the power to increase that majority at its pleasure. Even thfP whose faith in the operation of British institutions, had led theml) hold a different opinion as to the result, were constrained to adrt their error, when they found the house proceeding to choosea speaker, who admitted his inability to express himself in Englisha precedent of choosing that oflicer from the majority, which has e^r since been followed), and also resorting to the expensive mode of i- cording their proceedings in their own language. They percei>d with grief that the natural tendency of those things, instead of s- mulating the new subjects to the study of constitutional law in s original sources, was to force Englishmen to study French, and in o small degree to become Frenchmen, and coalesce with the Natn Canadienne, to give a complete ascendancy to those of foreign orig , their laws, language, and characteristics, in the popular branch of le legislature, and to encourage in the leaders, at a future day, thatu- clusive ambition that now distinguishes them. They could not fil, also, to draw an unfavourable contrast between this extraordinfy II OF CANADA. 317 Micession, ami tho more provident conduct of the American Con- I'g'ss, which, while admitting the territory of Louisiana, inhahitod (,b' Frenclunen, as one of the states of the confederation, cnaited tit all niiruitos of proceedings in the court and legislature of their !-t(M- state should he exclusively recorded in the language of the I i^lituency of tho United States. This judicious enactment has 1 turally made the study of the English tongue a primary object with t • Louisiaiiians, and, though in numbers, at the time of admission, I V were about half the amount of the Canadians in 1791, they now Liierally speak or understand English, and have changed their old 1 vs for a new code, while the legislature and peo|)le of Canada aroiain as much French as the inhabitants of Normandy. ■' It was felt that, as far as Englishmen and their descendants were Jqicerned, this constitution was a mere delusion. At a very early J jjriod we find them putting in practice that manoeuvre, which became ''8 common afterwards, of absenting themselves from the house, when V;asures were to be considered to which they were averse, and H'sreby comjielling the speaker to adjourn the debate for want of sjuorum. This first House of Assembly, after four sessions, termi- irifted on the 4th of May, 1796. The conduct of the members, itt)3Ugh respectful both to the governor and the other branch of the J, Ijj'islature, gave evident proof that they would alford no encourage- ij i3nt to English commerce or English settlers. The principle adopted ,j£d acted upon most pertinaciously was to avoid direct assessment, ,td throw all public burthens, as well as local charges, upon the \ wenue, to be derived from duties levied ofTof trade. It was in some if jeasure owing to chance, but mainly to the influence of the govern- ■ji, that a road act, so important to the country, which imposed a ii loderate contribution of money or labour on the people, for the f, i|iprovement of their property, was carried through the Assembly. 3( lit an appeal to the passions and prejudices of the people by their s abryo demagogues was so successful on this occasion, in represent- ,,i jg this necessary act as the commencement of foreign taxation and ;, .nglish oppression, that they attempted to starve out the inhabitants ,,( 'Quebec and Montreal, by withholding all the usual supplies of food. ,j ^bankrupt law was refused to the request of the merchants, and they [ ^so declined to sanction * An Act to Amend the Laws, Customs, and j, ,5ages in force in the Province, relative to the Tenure of Lands, j ,id the rights derived therefrom,' refusing to make the smallest sa- ■j jifice to what they called the cupidity of English landholders, and ■- jB prejudices of American settlers. So peremptory, indeed, was I [le refusal, that the faction was considered decisive as to any inno- .j ition upon the French laws, which, with the feudal tenures of lands, ,{ ere cherished as the means of deterring emigrants from seeking an jj,. )!ylum in the province; thus rendered French in fact, though Bri- 318 THE BUBBLES ^1 tish in name. During the existence of this house, also, is to be foui; the first pretension to encroach on the right of the Crown, in an e. qijiry into the forfeited lands of the Jesuits, and a claim for the restoration to French controul. It is, however, worthy of remai, as forming a complete contrast with recent conduct, that of elevi acts sanctioned at the end of the session, all were permanent It one. Thus, my dear friend, do you see that the causes of the presd posture of affairs are to be traced back to a very early period, not? my Lord Durham has asserted, to misgoAernment of the Canadiai, but to inconsiderate concessions, which though designed to conciliia them, have not only signally failed of their object, but been pi- ductive of mischief to themselves, and incalculable injury to the - lony. That this is the view that impartial men take of the subje, x-n appears from the following extract from the work of a distinguisli U i foreigner, the author of the Resources of America :* ' The unwise act of LordGrenville, passed through Parliament in the year 17:, permitting the people of Lower Canada to conduct their pleadings and promul|:e their law s in the French language, has prevented them from ever becoming Iji tish, and so far w eakened the colony as an outwork of the mother country. It is always been the policy of able conquerors, as soon as possible, to incorporate tlit vanquished subjecLs with their own citizens, by giving them their own langu'e and laws, and not suiTering them to retain those of their pristine dominion. The were among the most efficient means by which ancient Rome built up and ei* blished her empire over the whole world; and these were the most efficient aidij which modem France spread her dominion so rapidly over the continenlot Europe. While Lower Canada continues to be French in language, religii, laws, habits, and manners, it is obvious that her people will not be good Brilh subjects; and Britain may most assuredly look to the speedy loss of her Nlh American colonies, unless she immediately sets about the establishment ofm able, statesmanlike government there, and the direction thitherward of that le of emigration from her own loins, which now swells the strength and resoufls of the United Slates. Her North American colonies gone, her West liia islands will soon follow.' The second House of Assembly was opened on the 25th of Januy 1797, and ended in 1801. The privilege of participating in the;- gislative power of the country for four years, had awakened » members to a sense of their own importance, and the Canacm French to a knowledge of their supremacy ; and they accordingly e- turned a more democratic house than the preceding, and represi- tatives pledged to an exclusive devotion to the interests of their (/n party. The prejudices awakened by the Road Act, and the frar- nising doctrines of the French revolution, contributed also to pro(Ct this result. It is true the minority were only reduced to fourttn: but the attorney-general was defeated as a candidate for the coitv of Quebec, and several influential members of the late house shjeii " Bristow. OF CANADA SIO J similar fate; so that although the numerical proportions were iarly similar, the British interest was evidently already on the de- fine. A manifest change had taken place in the feelings of the dilTerent • hnches of the legislature. The governor, acting on the defensive, r longer proposed measures of internal improvement, which he knew >)uld provoke angry discussions, or he met with a refusal ; hut re- M more upon the Legislative Council, which alone represented or ptected British interests, while the house, finding that temjjorary jits had a direct tendency to lessen the influence and indei)endonce cthe executive, discontinued the practice of passing permanent laws. ?! remedy the evil of having so many prejudiced and illiterate mem- "I'rs in the assembly, it was proposed by the minority to establish a 'l Salification, which, although it could not possibly increase their 'cn numbers, it was hoped might at least have the advantage of sording them more liberal and enlightened colleagues; but this iijjasure, like all others introduced by them, was considered of fo- »ilgn origin, and excluded accordingly. The majority, however, U'ough pertinacious, still preserved appearances, and as the minority ,^t themselves unequal to procure the passage of any bill, either of i^iiternal improvement or for the facilitating the foreign trade, they 'f'bore to provoke the discussion, and preferred using their influence fthe mere preservation of what few privileges were left to them. „ ^16 third provincial parliament began on the 1st of January 1801, pisd terminated, after five sessions, on the 2d of May 1804. The Muper of this house, and the proportion of its parties, were similar ;f that of the last. ' . ;,, Among the topics insisted upon in the governor's speech, was a siicommendation for a grant of money for free schools for the instruc- 'I'm of the rising generation in the first rudiments of useful learning, id in tlte English tongue; and it was noticed with feelings of grief, i lough not with surprise, that the house, in their reply, omitted the tH)rds 'English tongue,' and shortly afterwards applied the com- i?ii lentary by a vote for the purchase of 'French books,' for the use hN the members. Although there were not a fov»" c»f their number iltio were unfortunately incapable, from a deficiency of education, )is fyon, and that ha\inir applied to the late house of representati\es to enable me to as- emble twelve thousand of you for that purpose, and they having declined to do so, I had 1 'herefore dissolved them. This is not only directly false, such an idea never havini; ntered into my mind, nor the slightest mention having e\er been made of it; but it i.s loubly wicked and atrocious, because it has been advanced by persons who must have ; iieen supposed to speak with certainty on tiie subject, and was therefore the more calcu- .ated to impose upon you. In another part yon are told that 1 wanted to tajc your lands, ' nd that the late house of assembly would consent only to tax wine, and upon that account, < I had dissohed the house. Inhabitants of St. Denis! this is also directly false; I nevn ad the most distant idea of taxing you at all ; such had never been for a inoiiunt tin- suli ' ;ct of my deliberations, and when the late house offered to pay the civil list, 1 coidd nol ave taken any step in a matter of such importance without the Kind's instructions, and herefore it was still long before we came to the consideration of how it was to be pifid n truth, not one word was ever, to uiy knowledge, mentioned on the subject. ' In other parts, despairing of producing inst^inces from wlial I have done, recourse is E liad to what 1 intend to do, and it is boldly told you that 1 mean to oppress you I ' For what purpose should I oppress you ? Is it to serve the King? Will that monarch. 'tIio during fifty years has never issued one order, that had you for its object, that was nut ; loryour benefit and happiness. — will he now, beloved, honoured, adored by his subjects, •overed with glory, descending into the vale of years, accompanied with the prayers and ^ -dessings of a grateful peonle, — will he contrary to the tenor of a whole life of honour and , rirtue, now give orders to nis servants to oppress his Canadian subjects ? It i.s impossible hat you can for a moment believe it. You will spurn from you with just indiguation tlu' . iiiisrreant who will suggest such a thought to you. 'These- personal .illusions to myself, these details, in any other case, might be unbecom i)g, or beneath me : but nothing can br unbecoming or beneath me that can tend lo save , loa from the gulf of Clime and calamity into which guilty men would plunge you'.— Sec 'Jhristie'a ' Canada.' t Nothing can be more painful and humiliating than the situation of the judges of Lower 1 JaDada since this period. They have been kept in a .state of great pecuniary distress by " he hou.^e withholding their .salaries, and their peace of mind destroyed by the most un- . ounded attacks on Iheir chrtraef«r Jf an .iltorm y be delected in fraudident protecding-< , 326 THE BUBBLES the desired eflect, and they now passed a bill to disqualify them, 1 which the governor assented, as he said, * with peculiar satisfactior not only because I think the matter right in itself, but because Icoi sider passing an act for the purpose as a complete renunciation of a erroneous principle, which put me under the necessity of dissolving tl lastparliament'. Feeling that nothing was to be gained from such a ma by intimidation, they proceeded to the usual business with more d( cency of conduct and more dispatch, than had characterised any sessic since the constitutional act had gone into operation. In the meantime Sir George Provost arrived lo take the command of the governmen and we are indebted to the determined attitude assumed by his pred( cesser, to the hereditary hatred borne by the Canadians to the Amei cans, to the fear they entertained of passing into the hands of j tincompromising people, and to the large sum expended upon theer bodied militia, that they did not then avail themselves of the oppo tunity of throwing ofT the dependence, which it has since been the unceasing object to effect. But though their attention was in sons measure directed to the protection of their property from the comm iirninunlahlr dinicully, and as they had not the |>ft\vcr lit repeal il, licir only resource was to impugn its legality. The appropriation ol he duties was thus provided for in the Act: — ' 'I'hnl ill! Ihc mimit'S that shill avise hyllic Faid dulics, CNCcpl llir iwrcssnry li,\i(;os ol' raising, collei line, levyinir, roiovoiiiiij, nnsworini^, payin-; ami nc- I minting I'or Uiosanif. shall lie paid l)y tlic rollector of liis IMajcsly's cuslcnis J ,nlo the hands of his Mnjcsly's rnoivcr-gcnpral in ihc said provintc for liie linio ieinp, aud shall be applied in the first place in making a more cerlain and ade jiiale provision towards dd'rayin^ the e\\)ensos of llie administration of justice, < ;ind of Ihc support of civil povernnienl in llial pro\ince ; and thai the lord high i 'reasnrcr, or commissioners of his Majesty's treasury, or any three or more of hem for the time bcinp, shall he, .and is or are hereby empowered from lime to .ime, by any warrant or warrants under his or tlieir hand or hands, to cause such ^ 'money to be applied out of the said produce of the said duties towards defrayinj; ) ;lhe said expenses; and that the residue of the said duties shall remain and be , pserved in the hands of the said receiver-f^eneral for the future disposition of parliament.' k I The statute on which they relied was the isth Geo. HI. Tiiehistory I 'of that act of parliament you will dotihlless recollect. Great lirilaiii t (had set up a claim to impose taxes, for the purpose of general re- venue, upon the colonies (now forming the United States), which, ijas might naturally be supposed, excited universal opposition — caus- I! ing at first, popular tumult, and afterwards open rebellion. Finding that this claim could neither be justified nor enforced, it was ex- t jpressly renounced, in the following words : — I ' * Whereas taxation by the parliament of fireal Britain for the purpose of rais- ( ling a revenue in his Majesty's colonies, provinces, and plantations in JNorlh America, has been found hy experience to occasion great uneasiness and disorders among his Majesty's faithful subjects, w iio may nevertheless be disposed to acknow- ' ' ledge the justice of contributing to the common defence of the empire, provided t I such contribution should be raised under the authority of the general court or ! (general assembly of each respective colony, province, or plantation; and, whereas, :in order as well to remove the said uneasiness and to quiet the minds of his Ma- jesty's subjects who may be disposed to return to their allegiance, as to restore the ■ 'peace and welfare of all his I\lajesty's dominions, il is expedient to declare tlial the king and parliament of Great Britain will not impose any duly, tax, or assess- ment for the purpose of raising a revenue in any of the colonies, provinces, or plantations. " ' * That from and after the passing of that act, the king and parliament of Grcii I ^ Britain would not impose any duty, tax, or assessment whatever, payable in any ol [. i his Majesty's colonies, provinces, and plantations in INorlh America, and the West ! Indies, except only such duties as it might be expedient to impose for the regula- ' lion of commerce; the net produce of such duties to be always paid and applied to I' ! and for the use of the colony, province, and plantation in which the same shall be s respectively levied, in such riianner as other duties collected by the authority ol J j the respective general courts, or general assemblies of such colonies, provinces, or I plantations arc ordinarily paid and applied.' II I il I That the renunciation of a right to impose taxes hereafiiM- involves [Ma repeal of those in existence, is an assumption which il is not ne- li tcessary to in fule Indeed, no person did the party the injustice to II believe that (hey sincip^Iv thought so themselves, especially as in 333 THE BUBBLES that province there was a local act, 35 Geo. Ill, c. 9, adopting it; phraseology, and recognizing its existence and validity, by raising ar additional revenue, for the further support of the government, t( which purpose this act alone had any reference. It answered, how- ever, the purposes of the party ; it disorganized the government, anc prevented English emigrants from removing to a colony in which evident preparation was making for a separation from the parent state, It also served to scatter the seeds of complaints, which soon germi- nated, and ripened into a plentiful harvest. It is the fashion in thii country to call every change reform, the exercise of every acknow- ledged right an abuse, and every salutary restraint a grievance. Ir the colonies we have long looked to Great Britain as our model, anc we have imported this fashion from her, as well as many other mo- dern innovations. If agitation is successful here, why may not it be so there? — if popular clamour requires and obtains concessions a home, there is no good reason why it should not be equally fortunate abroad ; if those who are the most clamorous, are first attended to because they are the most distinctly heard, why may not the co- lonists learn to exalt their voices also, in hopes of similar success ?— as the old cock crows so does the young. The English have lonj held themselves up as models, and such distinguished people mus not be surprised if they who ape their manners, occasionally cop; some of their follies also. The force of example is too strong to bi restrained by precept. These financial disputes extended over thi whole period of the administration of the Duke of Richmond, Lon Dalhousie, and Sir James Kempt, with more or less intensity, ac- cording to the supply of fresh fuel furnished by irritating matter o an extraneous nature. Complaints soon multiplied upon complaints public meetings were held ; violent speeches made, valiant resolution passed ; and, finally, delegates chosen to demand a redress of griev ances from the Imperial Parliament. When the delegates arrived in this country, they found publi opinion with them. It is the interest, as well as the duty of the Eng- lish to govern their colonies justly and kindly; and no man but ; Frenchman would affirm that their inclination requires the incite ment of either. Their complaints were referred to a committe composed of persons by no means indisposed towards the petitioners who, after a patient and laborious investigation of the subjects ii dispute, made a report, which was acknowledged by the assembi; to be both an able and an impartial one, and quite satisfactory. I will be unnecessary to recapitulate the subjects referred, or to tran- scribe the report, because both the one and the other will be bes understood by a minute of Lord Aberdeen, to which I shall hereafte allude more particularly, in which he distinctly proves that the re- eommendations of that committee, so far as depended upon th I OF CANADA. 331 ivernnient, wore most strictly and fully complied with. By adopt- u' this course, I shall be able to spare you a groat deal of useless potilion. The manner in wliich the report of the committee was received by dominant party in Canada, the praise bestowed upon its authors, id the exultation they expressed at their success, deceived the go- rnment as to the source of these noisy demonstrations of pleasure. hoy conceived it to be the natural impulse of generous minds towards lose who had thus kindly listened to their solicitations, and liberally anted even more than they had required. But they knew not their 'en. It was the shout of victory that they mistook for the plaudits loyalty. It was not designed to greet the ears of benefactors with '•ateful acknowledgments, but to wound the feelings of their neigh- f)urs with the cheers of triumph. They devoted but little time to utual congratulations. Sterner feelings had supplied the place of joicing. They set themselves busily to work to improve their ad- mfage; and, having established themselves in the outworks which 'ere thus surrendered to them, they now turned their attention to "orming the citadel. While government was engaged in carrying 'ito execution the recommendations of the committee with as much spatch as the peculiar state of politics in Great Britain at that time i3rmitted, the assembly put themselves in a posture of complaint 'jain. Fourteen resolutions were passed, embodying some of the Id and embracing some new grievances, and an agent appointed to 'ivocate their claims. ' While representations in the name of the whole population were lus sent to England, expressing only the sentiment of one portion of 'le people, the settlers of British origin were loud in their complaints lat they were unrepresented, and that they had no constitutional leans of being heard. Fearing that this remonstrance, which was ) well founded, might be redressed in the same quarter to which ley had applied so successfully for relief themselves, the assembly Tected to listen to their petitions, and made a new electoral division r the province. Territories inhabited principally by persons of 'rench origin, they divided into numerous small counties; while 'hers, where a large body of those of British origin resided, they so ivided that, by joining that territory with another more numerous in 'rench inhabitants, the votes of the British were rendered ineffec- lal. The proportion stood thus : 332 THE BUBHLES 7 Say 32 counties, returning two members eacli, hy French majorities •2 Ditto, ditto, one each (say Montmorcnci and Drnmmond) ! English majority, Me!:;;iiirir. ..'.... "> Tritto. S!!ci'l)rooke,Htaji«tea(l,]Vlissisf{!!oi, Ottawa, and Sheliord, villi lo Kn^lnnd, lo represent lo his n jiajesly's iioMTiimi'iU Ihe interests ami seiilimeiils or the inh.ihil.inls of the pro- « nee, and support llie petitions of this house to iiis ^Majesly iiiiiJ both Mouses of .irliameiil. ' KeS'ihod, — Thai ui the event of liie bill sent ui) liy lids house to llio iettislalive lUiicil, on tlie ."illi instant, not reeeiviu'^ the concurrence of thai iiouse in the pre- !'nl session, the Honourable Denis h. Vi;;er, Ks(|., member of the le^islalise ')»ncil, named airent of the province in tlie said hill, lie requested to proceed to ngland \>ilhout delay, for Ihe purposes menlioiied in the I'ure^oin^ resolution. . ' llesolved, — That it is expedient thai the necessary and unavoiilahle disburse- lients of the said Denis Henjimin V'iger, for elVecUiiL; Die purposes aforesaid, ;jt exceeding 1,000/. be advanced, and paid to liini by the clerk of this house, I 'il of the contingent fund thereof, till such lime as the said dishiusements can be I kherwise provided for. ' _: i And to sliow their contempt of that co-onliiiate branch of the J cgislaturc, and their determination to legislate for the colony without iieir lOi-cttrronce, and hy their solo authority, as well as to sfig- iiatizc the oiVners of the government as enemies of the country, i ley furliier resolved — II » I I ' That unlil such lime as the royal assent shall be given loa bill conformable lo 'resolution of this house of the 17lh March 1825, for vacating the seats of niem- ti TS accepting oflices, and similar to the bills passed by this house in Ihe years i| |:»'26, lS'i7, 1S2S, and 1S30, the second and fourth of which were reserved for j le signiticalion of his [Majesty's pleasure, Ihe seal of any member of this house ho shall accept of any ofllce or place of profit under the crown in this province, ™ 'become accountable for any public money hereafler appropriated within Ihis Ij lovinc', shall, by liiis acceptance, be deeuied by this house lo be vacant, and a ^1 'jw writ shall be issued for a new election, as if such person so accepting was na- • irally dead; nevertheless such person shall be capable of being again re-elecled, "^ |id of silting and voting in this house, as if his seat bad not been vacated as i 'oresaid. II j ' Resolved, — Thai any member of this house silling and voting therein after , ich acceptance, be expelled Ihis house.' "' ' At the same time, while they refused to government the means of lying its ofTicers, they were most prodigal of the public money 3' 'pen themselves and their dependants. There are certain funds ap- i* ropriated for the contingent expenses of the house; and, legally, 1* 3ither the house nor any of its ollicers have any right to apply them ^ '• any other purposes. It is a trust fund, on the expenditure of ^ Ihich doubtless a certain degree of discretion may be exercised, but ii'';ill a discrelion having certain limits. It is quite manifest that if l« |ie house could legally apply this fund to other objects than those i^J'T which it was specifically appropriated, they would, for all the "hrposes of such application, exercise sole legislative power, to the 1» 'icliision of the other two branches of the legislature. The case of *''r. Viger, above referred to, is a flagrant violation of this principle, he expenses for printing alone during this year (1831) for the as- i^jmbly, atone only of its favourite establishments, was considera- i)ly over 5000/., exclusive of other presses ; and this enormous sum 334 THE BUBBLES is also exclusive of the cost of printing the laws, or of the expensei i!(!«l of the council. Pretexts were not wanted, where the dispositior "^'^ existed, to provide for their dependants. A subpoena was all thai '''°\ was necessary to obtain a warrant for a gratuity, which, to one in- '^m, dividual, covered a charge of 120^,, and on one petition amountec i*' to 700/. ' Some witnesses,' says a gentleman of the bar at Quebec "'"" ' one sees as regularly about a fortnight after the sessions as swal- '! to! lows in the spring ; and although they do not last quite so long, yet i:,mii they hardly leave Quebec before either the house or the roads breat '*'*l"'' up.' ''^\ It will hardly be credited, that this house, which is so clamorou! (IkIbi for cheap government, expends on ilseU thirteen thousand pounds t iii»W year — one thousand of which is paid to Mr. PapLneau, the patriot "'i' and that the gross amount of the legislative expenses is 18,000/ '''f|,"( Some idea of the purity ' of our enslaved and oppressed brethren iiaigM may be formed from the fact that, previous to 1829, the amount o I'™'" monies voted for education had not exceeded 2,500/. At that perioi P it was found it could be turned to a better account than education ^i, they therefore constituted the members of the house visitors of thUW' schools in the counties they represent, the money being drawn oi '"'* their certificates only, to which hy Jaw they are privileged to affii 1^'^ tlieir crosses, instead of the more difficult process of writing thei Uktu names. Since then the grants have Avonderfully increased. In 1830 . . 27,840/. 1831 . . 25,261 1832 . . 29,233 1333 . . 22,500 When the fourteen resolutions above referred to were passed, th governor, who had recently arrived, could not but feel astonishe that the same people who had so lately expressed their delight andsf tisfaction at the report of the proceedings of parliament, and wli knew that the recommendations of the committee were in a train < execution, should be again as clamorous as ever, and very prudenti and properly entreated them to put an end to complaint, by bringir forward at once every grievance they had, that it might be met ar redressed at the same time. The earnest manner in which this pressed upon them is worthy of notice. What were the sources his lordship's satisfaction, which he twice expresses in this answe I am utterly at a loss to imagine, unless we may conjecture it to ha' arisen from the consciousness of possessing a philosophy whi( enabled him to subdue and control his indignation at the insatiab demands and gross ingratitude of those whom it was his duty address. * I can assure you, ' he said, ' gentlemen, that I have derived salisfacli from listening to the petition which has just been read by Mr. Speaker, becai I illllMIll 'I'd, m CiF CANADA. 335 V subject -matter of it is distinct and tangible, and because I feel a:sured that of I I luscs of coinpl;\int therein set forth, many will he eventually removed, and II (IS modified ; in the meanwhile it is very agreeable to me loiiave it in niy power I -Mle that some of those causes of complaint have been already put by me in a I M of amelioralion at least, if not of removal altogether; and I beg the house of alLMubly to believe Ihatniy cITorls shall be unremilting in pursuing the same course the utmost extent of my authority as the King's representative. Thus far I can, vh a safe conscience, declare, that the present communication is satisfactory to I) ; but I cannot conceal from the house, that it would liave been infinitely more B'l could 1 feel assured that the whole matter of Ihoir complaints is comprised in tl> petition. Gentlemen, 1 must go a step further than this, and confess to you, til i cannot divest my mind of anxiety on this subject; it is with the view of L ig relieved from this state of anxiety that I now come forward to entreat you w'l admit me to your confidence, and acquaint me whether I am to expect any, a, what further, communications on the subject of complaints and grievances. , 1 think 1 have even a claim upon you for the confidence I now solicit. Tho p positions which upon a recent occasion 1 was conmianded by the King to make i(you on the subject of finance, were laid before you in the plainest and most flighlforward manner — nothing was concealed — nothing was glossed over; and I ;,en believe that 1 should have been justified had 1 made those propositions more pliable to you than 1 have done; but I considered that anything which could b r, even for a moment, the appearance of trick or manoeuvre on so grave an ision, was unworthy of his Majesty's government, and an injustice to the rank a' loyal character of the Canadian people. What 1 now ask in return for this fi dealing, is a corresponding proceeding on the part of the house of assembly. A 1 to understand, that the petition which 1 have just heard read conveys all that II' house of assembly have to complain of up to this day ? Or am 1 to understand ll . there remains something behind — some unripe grievance or complaint which it lay be intended to bring forward hereafter, when those now produced shall he been disposed of? This is the information I ask of you. This, gentlemen, isde information which I will even implore you to atTord me, in the name of the Kg, our sovereign, who is sincerity itself, and in the name of the brave and h'CSt people of Canada, who are so well entitled to expect fair dealing in every (1 rter: and now, if there be any stray complaint, any grievance, however incon- si rable in itself, which may have been overlooked when this petition was adopted b:he house, 1 beseech you, gentlemen, to lake it back again, in order that the dii:iency may be supplied, and that thus both king and people may be enabled at 01. view to see the whole extent of what you complain of, and what you require. Whether this appeal to your candour shall draw from you any further decla- nm, stating that your petition contains the whole matter of your complaints and givances, or that you shall maintain silence, 1 shall equally consider that 1 have aciiired a full and distinct knowledge of the whole of your complaints and griev- ar 's up to the present period ; and your petition will be accompanied by an as ranee from me to that effect, and my most fervent wishes that it may be pro- di'ive of such measures as shall restore perfect harmony to this favoured land, wre I firmly believe a larger share of happiness and "'rosperily is to be found Ihii amongst any people in the universe. Castle of St. Louts, Quebec, 23d March 1831. ' 'laving given them this gracious reception, his lordship commu- nhted these resolutions to the secretary for the colonies ; to whose arwer, as it enumerates the complaints for the purpose of giving to ea 1 a distinct and separate answer, I refer you for the particulars asiell of the resolutions as of the remedies. I .The King has been graciously pleased to express bis approbation of the efforts to e by your lordship to ascertain, with precision, the full extent of the grievances lif 'i ite ro limon iisiiep larlSi •J3o THE BUBBLES of which llie assembly consider ihcmselves enlilled lo complain; and assuming, it I'oncurrence wilh your lordsbip, Ihal Ihe address of tfie assemlily conlains a ful development of lliose grievances, Hie exposition whicli is to be found there of Ihi views of that body, justifies the satisfactory inference that there remains scarce! any question upon which the wishes of that branch of the legislature are at vunanc> with the policy which his Majesty has been advised lo pursue ; and 1 therefor gladly anticipate the speedy and effectual termination of those diQerences, whici have heretofore so much embarrassed the operations of the local government. ' No office can be more grateful to the King than that of yielding to th reasonable desires of the representative body of Lower Canada; and whilst hi IMajesly's servants have ihe satisfaction of feeling, that upon some of the mos important topics referred to in the address of the assembly, its wishes have bee anticipated, they trust that the instructions which I am now about to convey to yot will still further evince their earnest desire to combine with the due and lawfi exercise of the constitutional authority of the crown, an anxious solicitude for 111 well-being of all classes of his faithful subjects in the province. ' 1 proceed to notice the various topics embraced in the address of the assemb to the King. I shall observe the order which they have followed ; and, with a vie ' TTj to perspicuity, 1 shall preface each successive instruclion, which I have his Majesty ,,\j commands lo convey lo your lordship, by the quotation of the statements made upi ^i j, the same topic by the Assem.bly themselves. ,5 ' First, it is represented that the progress which has been made in the educj;i( of the people of the province, under the encouragement afforded by the recent ac of Ihe legislature, has been greatly impeded by the diversion of ihe revenues of 11 Jesuits' esiaies, originally destined for this purpose. ' His Majesty's government do not deny that the Jesuits' estates were, on t dissolution of that order, appropriated to the education of the people ; and I re dily admit, that the revenue which may result from that property should be r garded as inviolably and exclusively applicable to that object. ' It is to be regretted, undoubtedly, that any part of those funds were ev applied to any other purpose ; but although, in former times, your lordship's pi decessors may have had lo contend with difficulties which caused and excused ll mode of appropriaiion, 1 do not feel myself now called upon to enter into any cc sideralion of that part of the subject. ' If, however, 1 may rely on the returns which have been made to this depai ment, the rents of the Jesuits' estates have, during the few last years, been c voted exclusively to the purposes of education, and my despatch, dated 2-\ j December last, marked ' separate,' sufficiently indicates that his IMajesly's n- | nisters had resolved upon a strict adherence to that principle several months bef ; the present address was adopted. I ' The only practical question which remains for consideration is, whether j application of these funds for the purpose of education should be directed by s ,' Majesty or by the provincial legislature. The King cheerfully and without reseJ | confides that duty to the legislature, in the full persuasion that they will make si I a selection amongst the different plans which may be presented to their notice. s may most efl'ectually adv.ince the interests of religion and sound learning amoi i his subjects ; and I cannot doubt that the assembly will see the justice of continue lo maintain, under the new distributions of these funds, those scholastic eslabi - menls to which they are now applied. ' 1 understand that certain buildings on the Jesuits' estates which were !- i merly used for collegiate purposes, have since been uniformly employed a^ barracU for the King's troops. It would obviously be highly inconveniero j attempt any immediate change in this respect, and 1 am convinced that the assenly ' would regret any measure which might diminish the comforts or endanger k' liealth of the King's forces. If, however, the assembly should be disposed to i>- vide adequate barracks so as permanently lo secure those important objects, i> M.'ijesty will bo prepared (upon the completion of such an arrangement in a mar.' , salisfaclory to your lordship) to acquiesce in the appropriation of the buildingioJ mm it k OF CANADA. 337 iuestion to (lie same purposes as those to which the general funds of the Jesuits' 'states arc now about to be restored. , ' 1 should fear that ill-founded expectations may have l)cen indulged respecting 'ie value and productiveness of these estates ; in this, as in most oilier cases, con- calmenl appears to have been followed by exaggeration, as its natural consecpience. lad the application of the assembly for an account of the proceeds of these 'slates been granted, much mis-apprehension would probably have been dispelled. ly regret for the etTect of your decision to withhold these accounts, does not, how- ver, render me insensible to tlie propriety and apparent weight of the motives y which your judgment was guided. Disavowing, however, every wish for jncealment, 1 am to instruct your lordship to lay these accounts before 'le assembly in the most complete detail, at tiic commencement of their next '?ssion, and to supply the house with any further explanatory statements which 'ley may require respecting them. ' • It appearing that the sum of ,f7,154. 15s, A^'l. has been recovered from the Toperty of tiie late Mr. Caldwell, in respect to the claims of the crown against im on account of the Jesuits' estates, your lordship will cause that sum to be kaced at the disposal of the legislature for general purposes. The sum of £1,200. ;*. 4f/. , which was also recovered on account of the same property, must also be jlaced at the disposal of the legislature, but should, with reference to the principles 'ircady noticed, be considered as applicable to the purposes of education exclusively. ' Secondly. — The house of assembly represent that the progress of education :as been impeded by the withholding grants of land promised for schools in the I "ear 1801. t' On reference to the speech delivered in thai year by the then governor to the )V0 houses of provincial legislature, 1 find that such an eng;:gement as the address efers to was actually made; it of course therefore is binding on liic crown, and lust now be carried into effect, unless there be any circumstances of whicli 1 am , ol apprised, which may have cancelled the obligation contracted in 1801, or ■ hich may have rendered the fulfliment of it at the present lime impracticable. 'f any such circumstances really exist, your lordship will report them to me im- lediately, in order that the fit course to be taken may be fiather considered. ■J ' * Thirdly. — The rejection by the legislative council of various bills in favour j If education is noticed as the last of the impediments to the progress of education. I ' ' Upon this subject it is obvious that his Majesty's government have no power '\ 'f exercising any control, and that they could not interfere with the free exercise "" f the discretion of the legislative council, without the violation of the most un- |oubted maxims of the constitution. How far that body may have actually coun- '; jracted the wishes of the assembly on this subject 1 am not very exactly informed, '1 'or would it become me to express an opinion on the wisdom or propriety of any ■ecision which they may have formed of that nature. The assembly may, however, * eassured, thai whatever legitimate inQuence his iViajesty's government can ex- ''' 'rcise, w ill always be employed to promote in every direction all measures which ■ 'avefor their object the religious, moral, or literary instruction of the people of ^ '^ower Canada. * i * Fourthly. — The address proceeds to stale, tiiat the management of the waste " 'inds of the crown has been vicious and improvident, and still impedes the settle- "^ 'lent of those lands. ''* ' ' This subject has engaged, and still occupies, my most anxious attention, and > propose to address your lordship upon it at length in a separate despatch. The "" jnsiderations connected with the settlement of waste lands are loo numerous and *!' slensivc to be conveniently embodied in a despatch embracing so many other * abjects of discussion. 'Fifthly. — The exercise by parliament of i!s power of regulating tlie trade of M' province, is said to have occasioned injurious uncertainty in mercantile specu- liions, and prejudicial tluctuations in Ihc value of real estate, and of the dilVe- iil branches of industry connected with trade. ' It is gratifying to Gnd that this complaint is connected wilh a frank acknow- '22 338 THE BUBBLES ledgment that the power in question lias been beneficially eietcised on sevWi occasions for tiie prosperity of Lower Canada. It is, 1 fear, an unavoidable cor sequence of the connexion which happily subsists between the two countries, thi Parliament should occasionally require of the commercial body of Lower Canadi some mutual sacrifices for the general good of the empire at large : I therefoi shall not attempt to deny, that the changes in the commercial policy in this kinj dom during the few last years may have been productive of occasional inconv( nience and loss to that body, since scarcely any particular interest can be mentiont in Great Britain of which some sacrifice has not been required during the san period. The most which can be effected by legislation on such a subject as thi is a steady though gradual advance towards those great objects which an enlighteni regulation contemplates The relaxation of restrictions on the trade of the Br tish Colonies, and the development of their resources, have been kept steadfast in view amidst all the alterations to which the address refers, and I confideni rely on the candour of the bouse of assembly, to admit that, upon the whole, i inconsiderable advance towards those great ends has been made. They may n assured, that the same principles will be steadily borne in mind by bis Majest; government, in every modification of the existing law which they may at any fulu period have occasion to recommend to parliament. ' Sixthly. — The assembly in their address proceed to state thai the iahabitai of the different towns, parishes, townships, extra-parochial places and counties the province, suffer from the want of sufficient legal powers for regulating a managing their local concerns. ' 1 am happy in the opportunity which at present presents itself, of demonstri ing the desire of his Majesty's government to co-operate with the local legislalu; in the redress of every grievance of this nature. The three bills which your lordsl reserved for the signification of his M ijesty's pleasure in the last session of ti assembly, establishing the parochial divisions of the province, and for the incc- poration of the cities of Quebec and Montreal, will be confirmed and finally enacll by his Majesty in council, with the least possible delay, and ! expect to be as very shortly to transmit to your lordship the necessary orders in council for tl: purpose. ' I very sincerely regret that the bill passed for the legal establishmentf parishes in the month of March 1829, should nave been defeated by the Aei which occurred in transmitting the official confirmation of it to the province, li case appears to have been, that owing to the necessity, whether real or suppoS', of laying the act before both bouses of parliament for six weeks before its confir- ation by the King in Council, many months elapsed after its arrival in Ibis kiogdi before that form could be observed, and his late Majesty's protracted illness dela;l still longer the bringing it under the consideration of the King in Council. ' li it should be the opinion of the Colonial legislature that additional provisis are wanting to enable the local authorities in counties, cities or parishes, to ref- late their own mare immediate affairs, your lordship will understand, that you e at liberty, in his Majesty's name, to assent to any well-considered laws which ty be presented to you for that purpose. ' Seventhly. — I proceed to the next subject of complaint, which is, that unc- tainty and confusion has been introduced into the laws lor the security and rei- lation of properly, by the intermixture of different codes of laws and rules )f proceeding in the courts of justice. ' The intermixture to which the address refers, so far as I am aware, arises fin the English criminal code having been maintained by the British statute of 17 ■, and from the various acts of parliament which have introduced into the provi:e the soccage tenure, and subjected all lands so holden to the English rulesjf alienation and descent. ' As a mere matter of fact, there can be no doubt that the infusion of tl»e parts of the law of England into the provincial code, was dictated by the most a- cere wish to promote the geneial welfare of the people of Lower Canada ; this as especially the case with regard to the criminal law, as is sufficiently apparent I'Di OF CANADA. 33'J he language of ihp lllli section of ihc 14 fleo. Ill, c. 83. With regard to the ulvanta^o to be anliripated from the siibslitulion of tenure in soccagc for feudal 'erviros, I may remark, Ihal P.irliameni could seareely he otherwise thnii sincerely ronvinced of the benetils of that measure, since the maxims unon which they pro- •:eeded are in accordance Milh the conclusion of almost alt theoretical writers and »ractical statesmen, i am not, iiulecd, anxious to show that these were just, bul : think it nut immaterial thus to have pointed out that the errors, if any, which ihey involve, can be attributed only to a sincere zeal for the good of those whom Iho inaclmenis in question more immediately all'ect. I ' 1 fully admit, however, that this is a subject of local and internal policy, upon ivhich far greater weight is due to the deliberate judgmenl of enlightened men in the province than to any external authority w halever. Your lordship w ill announce (0 the council and assembly, his ftlajesty's entire disposition to concur with them n any measures which they may think best adapted for insuring a calm and com- irehcnsivc survey of these subjects in all their bearings. It will then remain with :he two houses to frame such laws as may be necessary to render the provincial ode more vmiform, and better adapted to the actual condition of society in Canada. (fo any laws prepared for that most important purpose, and calculated to advance i*., bis rtlajesty's assent will be given with the utmost satisfaction. It is possible !hat a work of this nature would be best executed by commissioners, to be spe- ially desiguateil for the purpose; should such be your lordship's opinion, you will luggest thai mode of proceeding to both houses of the provincial legislature, who, am convinced, would willingly incur whatever expense may be inseparable from i luch an undertaking, unless they should themselves be able to originate any plan I .f inquiry and proceeding, at once equally effective and economical. 1 i 'Eighthly. — The administralionof justice is said to have become incflQcient and I mnecessarily expensive. ( ■ ' As the provincial tribunals derive Ihcir present conslituUon from local statute, i ind not from any exercise of his Majesty's prerogative, it is not within the power ;f the King to improve the mode of administering the law, or to diminish the costs ; if litigation. Your lordship will, however, assure the house of assembly, that his lajesty is not only ready, but most desirous, !o co-operate with them in any im- j rovementsof the judicial system which the wisdom and experience of the two houses i nay suggest. Your lordship will immediately assent to any bills which may be assed for that purpose, excepting in the highly improbable event of their being ,. i)und open to some apparently conclusive objection; even in that case, however, t lon will reserve any bills for improving the adrainislralion of the law for the signifi- j! alion of his Majesty's pleasure. M j 'Ninthly. — The address then states, that the confusion and uncertainty of which ie House complain has been greatly increased by enactments affecting real pro- j^ lerly in the colony made in the Parliament of the United Kingdom since the esla- . >lishment of the provincial legislature, without those interested having even had an ,( pportunity of being heard ; and particularly by a recent decision on one of the said i loaclmenls in the provincial court of appeals. ' His Majesly's Government can have no controversy with the house of assembly l] (pon this subject. The house cannot stale in stronger terms, than they are dis- j. losed to acknowledge, the fitness of leaving to the legislature of Lower Canada ,jj inclusively the enactment of every law which may be required respecting real pro- erty within that province. It cannot be denied, that at a former period a diflcrent ■^ fDiDionwas entertained by the British government; and that the statute-book of |(f |iis kingdom contains various regulations on the subject of lands in Lower Canada, .,j, ;hich might, perhaps, have been more conveniently enacted in the province jjI ;8€lf: I apprehend, however, that this interference of Parliament was never ivoked, except on the pressure of some supposed necessity; and that there never d (88 a period in which such acts were introduced by the ministers of the crown '^j lilhout reluctance. U t ' To a certain extent, the statute 1 Will. IV, c. 20, which was passed at the J isUiDce of his Majesty's Government in the last session of Parliament, has antici- ^rpnreiDcr^ vvkn^ nSeRScr to an real or . giJB^to Ae Swr rf Ff^—i. If Aere B ikis bpictoviicihfhe nl be pRvarcri to thai amwjmigt m Lawo- Canda hilfe aav afi^ ^I'^q^ th AedKdHte^ af Us afidai faKSnc 1 have Ike gaaiaes iaiMBdaUl; to i?: . - . . =£ : jar heaafiBf!,»apierlfc*llfce»tre?^i-T ii^Stl h tke MeaB tiae I aafittte, vi'Jbc>ai I -rtetkatdara^ a kag »fr:^ :iTe t.:'^ ci nrrtohTy aar be jai^td ttai bas Jtv : I OF CANADA. Wl ■ > have no d(^si^e Ihal any such invidious dislinctions ^houl'.l be systematically ,ui;eil. Beyond ibis general statement it is not in my power to advance. . iitirc'.y ignorant of the specific c.ises to which the coneral o\pres«ions of the Li'v point. 1 can only slaie, that since his .Majesl> was pleased to intrust to r the seals of this depariment, DO opportunity has occurred for eiercisini: the : age of the Crown in Lower Canado io which it is pussible that the assembly fer. nor have my inquiries brought to liuht any particular case of a more t' date to which their language would appear to be applicable, i »einhly. — The noit subject of complaint is lieveloped in the following - : — ' Thai there ciists no suflkient respoDsibilily on the part of the persons :.j: these situations, nor any adequate accounlability amongst those of them : .sled with public money ; the consequence of which has been the misapplication ■r::e sums of public money, and of the money of individuals by defaulters, with : deposits were made under legal authority, hitherto wiihoul reimbursement Iress having been obtained, notwithstanding the humble representations of : iielitioners.' ' ' would be impossible, without a violation of truth, to deny that ;ieri(.>d not very remote heav y losses wore sustained both by the and by individuals, from the want of a proper system of pass- - and auditing their accounts. I tind, however, that in his atch of the -iOth September, Sir Georse Murray adverted to this (ibject in terms to which I find it diflTicult to make any useful ad- tion. His words are as follows : — ' The complaints which have hed this office respecting the inadequate security given by the iver-general and by the sheriffs, for the due application of public .(.■y in their hands, have not escaped the very serious attention of 'le ministers of the Crown ; the most elTectual security against abuses f this nature would be to prevent the accumulation of balances in . lie hands of public accountants, by obliging them to exhibit their l:counts to some competent authority at short intervals, and imme- lately to pay over the ascertained balance. The proof of having , Junclually performed this duty should be made the indispensable fjndition of receiving their salaries, and of their continuance in )05ce. In the colony of New Sonlh Wales a regulation of this nature has been aablished under his Majesty's inslrucliocs to the governor of ihal selllemenl, and las been producave of great public convenience. If a similar practice were inlro- luccd* in Lower Canada for tbo regulation of the oflQce of receiver-general, and I i)r thalof sUeriCf, the only apparent difficulty would be to find a save place of deposit - their balances. I am, however, authoiised to stale, thai the lords-commis- rs of his .'lajesty's Treasury will hold themselves responsible to the province ■I any sums which IIjc receiver-general or sheriff may pay over to the eommissary- ieoeral. Your excellency will, therefore, propose to the legislative council and Assembly the enactmenl ol a law binding these officers to render an account of their leceipts at short intenais, and to pay over the balances in their hands to the com- Inissary- general, upon condiUon that that officer should be Iwund. on demand, to -■ lleliver a bill on bis ."Majestjs Treasury for the amount of his receipts. 1 trust that, • In this proposal, the legislature will find a proof of the earnest desire of his .Majesty's ;overnment to provide, as far as may be practicable, an effectual remedy for every ■.ase of real grievance. ■ If the preceding inslructions have proved inadequate to the redress of the 342 THE BUBBLES inconvenience to which they refer, I can assure your lordship of the cordial conci. renceofhis Majesty's government in any more effective measures which may » recommended for that purpose, either by yourself or by either of the houses of I) provincial legislature. ' The losses which the province sustained by the default of the late Mr. Caldwi is a subject which his Majesty's Government contemplate with the deepest reg. — a feeling enhanced by the painful conviclion of their inability to afford to U provincial revenues any adequate compensation for so serious an injury ; what ig) their power they have gladly done by the instruction conveyed to your lordship i the early part of ihi^ Hespaicb, to place at the disposal of the legislature, for genel purposes, the sum of ro. Ii |3ut it must not be supposed that even Canadian exaggeration could mi lind a grievance lor each number. Some were merely declamatory, Ifl iind others personal; some complimented |)ersons on this side of the fu j^'ater, whose politics they thought resembled their own, and others H :jxpressed or implied a censure against obnoxious persons, while not D )i few were mere repetitions of what had been previously said. Such lie Q state paper, drawn up on such an occasion by the most eminent ill |men in the house for the perusal of such a body of men as themem- rli jbers of the imperial parliament, is of itself a proof how little fitted lii the Canadians are for constitutional government. lit I i> , I. Resolved, That His IMajcsty's loyal siibjccls, the people of this Province of Lower Canada, have shown the strongest allaehmenl to the HritishjjEmpirc, of which they area portion : that they have repeatedly defended it with courage in 'U Itime of war ; that at the time which preceded the independence of the late British jt; Colonies on this continent, they resisted the appeal made to them by those colonies I lojoio their confederation. * 2. Resolved, That the people of this province have at all limes manifested their '' 'conGdence in His ^Majesty's Government, even under circumstances of the greatest ti IdifBcully, and when the government of the province has been administered by jj I men who trampled under foot the rights and feelings dearest to British subjects; , ,aDd that these sentiments of the people of this province remain unchanged. * * 3. Resolved, That the people of this Province have always shown themselves li ready to welcome and receive as brethren those of their fellowsubjecis who, having J , quitted the I'uiled Kingdom or its dependencies, have chosen this province as their home, and have earnestly endeavoured (as far as on them depended) to allbrd every facility to their participating in the political advantages, and in the means f ' of rendering their industry available, w hicli the people of this province enjoy ; and J , to remove for them the diUiculties arising from the vicious system adopted by those J . who have administered the government of the province, with regard to those por- tions of the country in which the newcomers have generally chosen to settle. ' ' 4. Resolved, That this House, as representing the people of this province, has il ^ shown an earnest zeal to advance the general prosperity of the country, by secur- |fj I ing the peace and content of all classes of its inhabitants, without any distinction I of origin or creed, and upon the solid and durable basis of unity of interest, and equal conGdence in the protection of the mother country. II ' 5. Resolved, That this House has seized every occasion to adopt, and Grmly to I I establish by law in this province, not only the constitutional and parliamentary law of England, which is necessary to carry the Government into operation, but also all such parts of the public law of the (nited Kingdom as have appeared to this i" ' house adapted to promote the welfare and safety of the people, and to be conform- 9; able to their wishes and their wants; and that this house has, in like manner, wisely endeavoured so to regulate its proceedings as to render them, as closely as , , the circumstances of this colony permitj analogous to the practice of the House of 1 Commons of the United Kingdom. ^' 6. Resolved, Thatin the year 1827 the great majority of the people ofthis pro- ,5 ; vince complained, in petitions signed by 87,000 persons, of serious and numerous 346 THE BUBBLES abuses which then prevailed, many of which had ihen existed for a great numt of years, and of which the greater part still exist, without correction or mitigatio 7. Resolved, That the complaints aforesaid, and the grievances which gave ri to them, being submitted to the consideration of the Parliament of the Unit Kingdom, occasioned the appointment of a committee of the House of Comnmti of wliich the Honourable Edward Geoffrey Stanley, now his Majesty's princij secretary of state for the colonial department, and several others, who are n( members of his Majesty's government, formed part; and that, after a carefuH vestigation and due deliberation, the said committee, on the 18th July 1828jCai: to the following very just conclusions : Istly. ' That the embarrassments and discontents that had long prevail in the Canadas, had arisen from serious defects in the system of laws, and t; constitutions established in those colonies. 2dly. ' That these embarrassments were in a great measure to beatt. buted to the manner in which the existing system had been administered. 3dly. ' That they had a complete conviction that neither the suggeslic; which they had made, nor any olher improvements in the laws and constlt. lions of the Canadas, will be attended with the desired effect, unless an ii- partial, conciliating, and constitutional system of government were observl in these royal and important colonies.' 8. Resolved, That since the period aforesaid, the constitution of this provini, with its serious defects, has continued to be administered in a manner calculatedi multiply the embarrassments and discontents which have long prevailed; and tit the recommendations of the Committee of the House of Commons have not bei followed by effective measures of a nature to produce the desired effect. 9. Resolved, That the most serious defect in the Constitutional Aet-~its ». dical fault — the most active principle oj evil a7id discontent in the province; ;• most powerful and most frequent cause of abuses of power; of infractions of '. laws; of the waste of the public revenue and property , accompanied by impuni to the governing party, and the oppression and consequent resentment of the <- veimed, is that injudicious enactmeid, the fatal results of which were foretold i the Honourable Charles James Fox at the time of its adoption, which invests 3 Crown with that exorbitaid power {incompatible with any government duly balamt and founded on law and justice, and not on force and coercion) of selecting ai composing without any ride or limitation, or any predetermined qualification, i entire branch of the legislature, supposed from the nature of its attributions tot independent, but inevitably the servile tool of the authority which creates, compot and decomposes it, and can on any day modify it to sidt the interests or thcpi* sions of the moment. 10. Resolved, That with the permission of a power so unlimited, theabusef it is inseparably connected; and that it has always been so exercised in the select i of the Members of the Legislative Council of this province, as to favour the sp t of monopoly and despotism in the executive, judicial, and administrative depa- ments of government, and never in favour of the public interests. 11. Resolved, That the effectual remedy for this evil was judiciously fores< and pointed out by the Committee of the House of Commons, who asked Jc Neilson, Esquire (one of the agents who had carried to England the petition the 87,000 inhabitants of Lower Canada), whether he had turned in his mind «• plan by which he conceived the Legislative Council might be better composed Lower Canada; whelher he thought it possible that the said body could commi the confidence and respect of the people, or go in harmony with the house assembly, unless the principle of election were introduced into its compositioD some manner or other; and also, whether he thought that the colony could bi any security that the legislative council would be properly and independently coi posed, unless the principle of election were introduced into it in some manner other; and received from the said John Neilson answers, in which (among oti reflections) he said in substance, that there were two modes in which the comptp tion of the legislative council might be bettered; the one by appointing men vd OF CANADA. 847 ** [were independent of ihe eieculive (but that to judge from ciperiencc there would ^ j)e nosfcurily that lliis \Nould be done), and (hat if this mode were found inopracli^ '; "able, the other would bo to render the leRislalive council cloclive. ^' i 12. llesolvcd, That, judf;ing from experience, this house liiiewisc believes ** ihere would be no security in the tirst mentioned mode, the course of events having * ))ut too amply provetl wlial was Ihon foreseen; and that this house approves ail the 'I inferences drawn by the said John Neilson from experience and fads; but that ■'• with regard lo his suggestion that a class of electors of a higher qualilicalion should ')l ne established, or a qualilicaliou in properly tixed for those persons who might sit n tlie council, this house have, in their addres.s to his Most (nacious Majesty, i'l dated the "iOlh iMarch 1833, declared in what manner this principle could, in their ^ >pinion, be rendered tolerable in Canada, by restraining it within certain bounds, Abich should in no case be passed. t| I 13. Resolved, That even in delining bounds of this nature, and re(|uiring the ii possession of real property as a condition of eligibility to a legislative council, d (ihosen by the people, which most wisely and happily has not been made a condi- a lion of eligibility to the house of assembly, this house seems ralher to have sought ii |o avoid shocking received opinions in Europe, where custom and the law have H ;iiven so many artiticial privileges and advanlages to birth and rank and fortune, ban lo consult the opinions generally received in America, where the influence 1 :>r birth is nothing, andwhere, nolwilbslanding the importance which fortune must i;i jdways naturally confer, the artiticial introduction of great political privileges in 111 avour of the possessors of large property, could not long resist Ihe preference given Ik III free eleclions to virtue, talents, and information, which fortune does not exduda )ul can never purchase, and which may be tbe portion of honest, contented, and li! [levoted men, whom the people ought to have the power ofcallingand consecraliag f; the public service, in preference to richer men, of whom they may think less (/ Highly. n I 14. Resolved, Tliat this house is no n/se disposed to adtnil the execllence of ill \h€ present constilution oj Canada, althoii(/h his Majesty s secretary oj' state for the blind and passionate partisans of all abuses of power, by encouraging jll the acts of violence committed under the administration of Lord Oalhousie, by |aving on all occasions outraged the rcprcsentalives of the people of the country; |f men, unknown in the country until within a few years, without landed properly ,r having very lillle, most of whom have never been returned to the Assembly (some 'if them having even been refused by the people), and who have never given any roofs of their (ilncss for performing the functions of legislators, but merely of ibcir hatred lo the country; and who, by reason of their community of sentiment Vith him, have found themselves, by the partiality of Ihe governor-in-chief, ,uddenly raised lo a station in which they have the power o!" exerting, during life, 'n influence over the legislation and over the fate of this province, the laws and |nslilulions of which have ever been the objects of their dislike. , 25. Resolved, Thai in manifest violation of the coiistitution, there are among he persons last mentioned several who were born citizens of the United Slates, or |.re natives of other foreign countries, and who at the time of their appointment lad not been naturalized by Act of the British Parliament; that the residence of j, 'ine of these persons (Horatio Gates) in this country during the last war with the J ^Jnited Stales was only tolerated^ he refused lo take up arms for the defence of J, jhecountry in which he remainedmerely for the sakcof lucre; and after these pre- ious facts, took his seat in the legislative council on the 16th lAIarcb 1833; and jifleen days afterwards, to wil, on the Isl April, voted for the address before men- , iioned, censuring those who during the last war were under arms on the frontiers I- ,0 repulse the attacks of the American armies and of the fellow-citizens of the said 'j ^rloratio Gales : that another (James Baxter) was resident during the said late ^j |Var within Ihe United States, and was bound by the laws of the country of his ^)irlh, under certain circumstances, forcibly to invade this province, lo pursue, lestroy, and capture, if possible, his Majesty's armies, and such of his Canadian ,;ubjecls as were in arms upon the frontiers to repulse the attacks of the American , iirmies, and of the said James Baxter, who (being at the said time but slightly qua- jiOed as far as properly is concerned) became, by the nominalion of the gover- . jnor-in-chief, a legislator for life in Lower Canada, on the 22d of i^Iarch 1S33; iind eight days afterwards, on the 1st of April aforesaid, voted that very address ,; (Which contained the calumnious and Insulting accusation which called for Ihe " iBipresslon of his Majesty's just regret, ' that any word had been iulroduced ' which should have the appearance of ascribing to a class of his suhjecis of one „ origin, views at variance with the allegiance which they owe lo his i\Iajesly.' I Resolved, Thai It was in the power of the present governor-in-chief, more than in that of any of his predecessors (by reason of the latitude allowed him as to the number and selection of the persons whom he might nominate lo be members oi" ' the legislative council) to allay, for a time at least, the inlesline divisions which I rend ihis colony, and lo advance some steps towards the accomplishmeat of Ibe SSM) THE BUBBLES wishes of Parliament, by inducing a community of interest between the said ooml and the people, and by giving the former a more independent character by judici(i nominations. 27. Resolved, That although sixteen persons have been nominated in lesstli two years by the present governor to be members of the said council (a numl- greater than that afforded by any period of ten years under any other administ. tion), and nolwithslanding the wishes of parliament, and the instructions given r his Majesty's government for the removal of the grievances of which the peo; had complained, the same malign influence which has been exerted to perpetu; in the country a system of irresponsibility in favour of public functionaries, has p- vailed to such an extent as to render the majority of the legislative council m; inimical to the country than at any former period ; and that this fact confirms wi irresistible force the justice of the censure passed by the committee of the Honsif Commons on the constitution of the legislative council as it had theretofore exist, and the correctness of the opinion of those members of the said committee T) thought that the said body could never command the respect of the people, norbti harmony with the house of assembly, unless the principle of election was introdtui into it. 28. Resolved, That even if the present (jovet'nor-in-chief had, by makmi most judicious selection, succeeded in quieting the alarm and allaying for a he the profound discontent which then prevailed , that /orm of government rvoultt t be less essentially vicious which makes the happiness or misery of a country <- pend on an executive over which the people of that country have no injlueri, and which has no permanent interest in the country, or in common with its inkm- ants ; and that the extension of the elective, principle is the only measure which i- pears to this house to afford any prospect of equal and sufficient protection infute to all the inhabitants of the province without distinction. 29. Resolved, That the accusations preferred against the house of assemblyy the legislative council, as re-composed by the present governor-in-chief, woulde criminal and seditious, if their very nature did not render them harmless, since tly go to assert, that if in its liberality and justice the parliament of the United Kingds had granted the earnest prayer of this house in behalf of the province (and whh this house at this solemn moment, after weighing the dispatches of the secretarf state for the colonial department, and on the eve of a general election, now rep(S and renev/s), that the constitution of the legislative council may be altered by r- dering it elective, the result of this act of justice and benevolence would have b n to inundate the country with blood. 30. Resolved, That by the said address to his Majesty, dated the 1st of AB last, the legislative council charges tins house with having caluniniousiy accnl the King's representative of partiality and injustice in the exercise of the po^ns t)fhis office, and with deliberately calumniating his Majesty's officers, both civil id military, as a faction induced by interest alone to contend for the support of a - vcrnmenl inimical to the rights and opposed to the wishes of the people : with - ference to which this house declares that the accusations preferred by it have ne r been calumnious, but are true and well founded, and that a faithful picture of e executive government of this province in all its parts is drawn by the legislall council in this passage of its address. 31. Resolved, That if, as this house is fond of believing, his Majesty's gove* ment in England does not wish systematically to nourish civil discord in this colo'; the contradictory allegations thus made by the two houses make it imperative oft to become better acquainted with the state of the province than it now appear© be, if we judge from its long tolerance of the abuses which its agents commit vh impunity ; that it ought not to trust to the self-praise of those who have the t- nagement of the affairs of a colony, passing according to them into a stateif anarchy ; that it ought to be convinced that if its protection of public functionarl, accused by a competent authority (that is to say by this house, in the name of e people), could for a time, by force and intimidation, aggravate, in favour of the functionaries and against the rights and interests of the people, the system of inst I OF CANADA. Sll I jid oppression which Ihey impatiently bear, the rcsoll must be to weaken oar con- l jience in, anJ our atlachiiieiil lo his Majesty's government, and to ^\\c deep root ' the discontent and instirmoiinlat>le dis;;iist which have been cvciled l)y adniiiiis- i alions deplorably >ieioiis, and which are now excited by Ihe majority of the public I (nclionaries of the colony, combined as a faction, and induced liy interest alone I ( contend for the support of a corrupt government, inimical lo the rights and op- » |)sed to the wishes of the people. > , 32. Resolved, That in addition to its wicked and calumnious address of the 1st f pril 1S33, the legislative council, as re-coinposed by the present Hovernor-in- ^ ,ati, has proved how little comnuinily of interest it has with ibe colony, by the ii ,cl that out of sixly-four bills which were sent up to it, twenty-ei-^hl were rejected s 1^ it, or amended in a manner contrary to their spirit and essence; that the same t ;')animity which had attended the passing of the greater part of these bills in the as- ■5 ,mbly, accompanied their rejection by the legislative council, and that an opposi- » |0n so violent shows clearly that the provincial executive and the council of its r, (loice, in league together against the representative body, do not, or nvV/ not, con- i ,der il as the faithful interpreter and the equitable judge of the wants and wishes of le people, nor as til to propose laws conformable to the public will ; and that under i jich circumstances it would have been the duty of the head of the executive to ap- I jSal lo the people, by dissolving the provincial parliament, had there been any 5l lalogy between the institutions of Oreal Britain and those of Ihis province. T 38. Resolved, That the lesislative council, as recomposed by the present go- 1, .;mor-in-chief, must be considered as embodying the sentiments of the colonial ^ iCecutive government, and that from Ihe moment it was so re-composed, the two au- 4 lorities seem to have bound and leagued themselves for the purpose of proclaim- (, jg principles subversive of all harmony in the province, and of governing and do- dneering in a spirit of blind and invidious national antipathy. ,ji . 34. Resolved, Thai the address voted unanimously on the 1st April 1833, by the j igislative council, as re-composed by the present governor-in-chief, was concurred ,( ii by the honourable the chief justice of the province, Jonathan Scwell, to whom p, le right honourable Lord Viscount (roderich, in his despatch, communicated to* , |ie house on lhe"25lh November 1831, recommended ^ a cautious abstinence^ from (J ,1 proceedings by which he might be involved in any contention of a parly nature; ^ if John Hale, the present receiver-general, who, in violation of the laws, and of ,, ,ie trust reposed in him, and upon illegal warrants issued by the governor, has aid away large sums of the public money, without any regard lo iheobcdience which always due to the law ; by Sir John Caldwell, baronet, the late recciver-gene- i| jil, a peculator, who has been condemned to pay nearly 100,000/. lo reimburse a , ,ke sum levied upon the people of this province, and granted by law lo his Ma- ," ,!Sly, his heirs and successors, for the public use of the province, and for the sup- j on of his Majesty's government therein, and who has diverted the greater part of (. le said sum from the purposes to which it was destined, and appropriated it lo t is private use ; by Malhew Beil, a grantee of the crown, who has been unduly and i legally favonred by the executive, in the lease of the forges of St. Maurice, in the j rant of large tracts of waste lands, and in the lease of large tracts of land formerly 4 iclonging lo the order of Jesuits; by John Stewart, an executive councillor, com- lissioner of the Jesuits' estates, and the incumbent of oilier lucrative olTices : all ,, J" whom are placed by their pecuniary and personal interests, under the influence I, ,r the executive; and by the honourable George Moffat. Peter Mtiill, John J lolson, Horatio Gales, Robert Jones, and James Baxter, ail of whom, as well as ], ,iose before mentioned, were, with Iwo exceptions, born out of the country, and , ,H ofwhom, except (me, who for a number of years was a member of the assembly, Ji ,nd has extensive landed property, are but slightly qualified in that respect, and \ ad not,been sufficiently engaged in public life to afl'ord a presumption that they 'ere fit lo perform the functions of legislators for life ; and by Antoine Gaspard (, 3ouillard, the only native of the country, of French origin, who stooped to concur jL , n the address, and who also had never been engaged in public life, and is but very u iiioderately qualified with respect to real property, and who, after his appointment '! I' wp 352 THE BUBBLES to the council, and before the said 1st of April, rendered himself dependent on t executive by soliciting a paltry and subordinate place of proflt. ,pf 35. Resolved, That the said address, voted by seven councillors, under the i | nUi fluence of the present head of the executive, and by five others of his appointnit rf (one only of ihe six others who voted it, the Hon. George Mofl'at, having be ait appointed under his predecessor) is the work of the present administration of il jrt province, the expression of its sentiments, the key to its acts, and the proclamali j pw of its iniquitous and arbitrary principles, which are to form its rule of conduct ;ii« the future. | ff 36. Resolved, That the said.address is not less injurious to the small numl «! of members of the legislative council who are independent, and attached to I j iiupi interests and honour of the country, who have been members of the Assembly, a ,rf» are known as having partaken its opinions and seconded its efforts, to obtain foi g the entire control and disposal of the public revenue ; as having approved the who r,* some, constitutional, and not, as styled by the council, the daring steps taken .,jni this house of praying by address to his Majesty that the legislative council might; j/a rendered elective ; as condemning a scheme for the creation of an extensive moi- ,fe poly of lands in favour of speculators residing out of the country ; as believing ti i(| they could not have been appointed to the council with a view to increase Ihe c- stiluiional weight and efficacy of that; body, in which they find themselves oppol to a majority hostile to their principles and their country ; as believing that the • ,„„„ terests and wishes of the people are faithfully represented by their representati^, ,.)(i and that the connexion between this country and the parent state will be durabhi i ,,,,« proportion to the direct influence exercised by the people in the enactment of lis ' %, adapted to insure their welfare ; and as being of opinion, that his Majesty's subjis t i/j recently settled in this country will share in all the advantages of the free in- ,,j, tutions and of the improvements which would be rapidly developed, if, by mes , j] of the extension of the elective system, the administration were prevented fm i ;,i,tj creating a monopoly of power and profit in favour of the minority who are of e ,,.|(, origin, and to the prejudice of the other, who are of another, and from buying, c- j m, rupting, and exciting a portion of this minority in such a manner as to give toll j ,,|,[j discussions of local interest the alarming character of strife and national antipat ; and that the independent members of the legislative council, indubitably convird of the tendency of that body, and undeceived as to the motives which led to t'ir appointment as members of it, now refrain from attending the sittings of the id council, in which they despair of being able to effect any thing for the good of tjr country. 3 7. Resolved, TJiat the political norld in Europe is at this moment agiti'A by two great parties , who in different countries appear under ihe several nameof serviles, royalists, lories and conservatives on the one side, and of liberals, ii- .stitutio7ials, republicans, ivhigs, reformers, radicals and similar appellationm the other; that the former party is, on this continent, without any weight ori- Jluence except what it derives from its European supporters, and from a tring number of persons who become their dependeiits for the sake of personal gain, id from others, who from age or habits cling to opinions which are not partakethy any num.erous class ; while the second party overspreads all America. And ai ihe colonial secretary is mistaken if he believes that the exclusion of a few salaed officers from the legislative council could suffice to make it hcmnonise with the ice's, wishes and opinions of the people, as long as the colonial governors rctainhe power of preserving in it a majority of members rendered sei-vile by their awiffl- thy to every liberal idea. 38. Resolved, That this vicious system, which has been carefully maintalid, has given to the legislative council a greater character of animosity to the cot;ry than il had at any former period, and is as contrary to the wishes of parlianit, as that which, in order to resist the wishes of the people of England for'their- liamenlary reform, should have called into the House of Lords a number of en notorious for their factious and violent opposition to that great measure. 39. Resolved, IViat the legislative council, representing merely the pencil ibii OF CANADA. 353 pha'ons of certain metnbers of a body no sironyly airuscd at a recent period by I 'ic people of this province, ami sojustli/ rrnsvred by the report of l/ie eoimnittee of I (ic House of Commons, is not an authority competent to demand alterations in the \ hnstitutional Act of I he 'ilst Geo. 3, e. 31, and that the said act oiii/ht not to be I jnrf cannot be altered, except at such time and in inch manner as may be wished L \y the people of this province, whose seidiments this house is (done competad to I Kpresent ; that no interference on the part of the British ler/istafure with the j \iwsand constitution of this province, which should not be founded on the wishes of \ he people , freely expressed either throuijh this house, or in any other constitu- ronal manner, could in any wise tend to settle any of the difficulties nhich exist in ■his province, but on the contrary, would only aggravate them and prolony their onliuuance. ' 40. Resolved, That this House expects from the justice of the parliament of the ^Inited Kiiiydom, that no measure of the nature aforesaid, fotmded on the false re- • resent at io7is of the le(/islative coimcil and of the members and tools of the colo- ' ial administration, all interested in perpetuating existing abuses, will be adopted ' b the prejudice of the rights, liberties and welfare of the people of this province • ' Ju/ that on the contrary, the Imperial Legislature will comply with the wishes of ^e people and tif this house, and will provide the most effectual remedy for all ■ h'ils present and future, either by rendering the legislative council elective, in the \ianner mentioned in the Address of this house to his most gracious Majesty, of ^he 20th March 183X, or by enabling the people to express still more directly their ' 'pinions as to the measures to be adopted in that behalf, and with regard to such ther mod /feat ions of the constitution as the n- ants of the people and the interest of ^is Majesty's government iyi the province may require , and that this house perse- veres in the said Address. ' 41. Resolved, Thai his Majesty's secretary of stale for the colonial (icpaiiment ' 'las acknowledged in his despatches, that it has frequenlly becH admittcii that the leople of Canada ought to see nothing in the inslitnlions of the neighbouring ■ tales which Ihey could regard with envy, and that he has yet to learn that any 'uch feeling now exists among his Majesty's subjects in Canada : to which this ■ 'lOuse answers, that the neighbouring States have a form of government very fit ' "o prevent abuses of power, and very effective in repressing them ; that the reverse ; f this order of things has always prevailed in Canada under the present form of ' government ; that there exists in the neighbouring States a stronger and more ge- ' leral allachment to the national institutions than in any other country, and that here exists also in those Stales a guarantee for the progressive advance of their 'lolilical institutions towards perfection, in the revision of the same at short and ' leterminale intervals, by conventions of the people, in order that ihey may, wilh- ' ul any shock or violence, be adapted to the actual slate of things. * [ 42. Resolved, That it was in consequence of a correct idea of the slate of the jountry and of society generally in America, that the committee of the House of ■ commons asked, whether there was not in the two Canadas a growing inclination ^ '0 see the institutions become more and more popular, and in that respect more (* ,ind more like those of the United Stales ; and Ihat John iSeilson, Esq., one of the ' \gents sent from this country, answered, that the fondness for popular institutions ' 'lad made great progress in the two Canadas; and that the same agent was asked, ' 'shether he did not think that it would be wise that the object of every change nade in the institutions of Ihc province should be to comply more and more with ' he wishes of the people, and to render the said institutions extremely popular : to >hich question this house, for and in the name of the people whom it represents, ^ .inswers, solemnly and deliberately, ' Yes, it would be wise; it would be excellent.' ' 43. Resolved, That the constitution and form of go\ernmenl which would best ^ .uit this colony are not to be sought solely in the analogies offered by the institu- ■" ions of Oreat Britain, where the state of society is altogether dilTerent from our )wn ; and that it would be w ise to turn to profit by the information to be gained jy observing the effects produced by the dilTerent and infinitely varied constitu- f .ions which the kings and parliament of England have granted to the several 23 354 THE BUBBLES plantations and colonies in America, and by studying the way in which virtuoui and enlightened men have modified such colonial institutions, when it could b( done with the assent of the parties interested. 44. Resolved, That the unanimous consent with which all the American statei have adopted and extended the elective system, shows that it is adapted to th( wishes, manners, and social state of the inhabitants of this continent ; that thi: system prevails equally among those of British and those of Spanish origin, aithougl the latter, during the continuance of their colonial slate had been under the cala mitous yoke of ignorance and absolutism ; and that we do not hesitate to ask from i prince of the house of Brunswick, and a reformed parliament, all the freedom an( political powers which the princes of the House of Stuart and their parliamen granted to the most favoured of the planlalions formed at a period when sucl grants must have been less favourably regarded than they would now be. 45. Resolved, That it was not the best and most feee systems of colonial go- vernment which tended most to hasten the independence of the old English colo nies ; since the province of New York, in which ihe institutions were mos monarchical in the sense which that word appears to bear in the despatch c the colonial secretary, was the first to refuse obedience to an act of the Parlia ment of Great Britain : and that the colonies of Connecticut and Rhode Island which, though closely and aft'ectionately connected with the mother country for long course of years, enjoyed constitutions purely democratic, were the last to entt into a confederation rendered necessary by the conduct of bad servants of th Crown, who called in the supreme authority of the parliament and theBritis constitution to aid them to govern arbitrarily, listening rather to the governor and their advisers than to the people and their representatives, and shielding wit their protection those who consumed the taxes rather than those who paid then 46. Resolved, That with a view to the introduction of whatever the inslitutiot of the neighbouring States offered that was good and applicable to the state of tl province, this house had among other measures passed during many years, a hi founded on the principle of proportioning arithmetically the number of represei tatives to the populace of each place represented ; and that if, by the pressure < circumstances and the urgent necessity which existed that the number of repn sentatives should be increased, it has been compelled to assent to amendmen which violate that principle, by giving to counties containing a population of litt more than 4,000 souls, the same number of representatives as to several olhe of which the population is five times as great, this disproportion is, in the opinio of this house, an act of injustice, for which it ought to seek a remedy : and th in new countries where the population increases rapidly, and tends to create ne settlements, it is wise and equii.able that by a frequent and periodical census, sui increase and the manner in which it is distributed should be ascerlained, princ pally for the purpose of settling the representation of the province on an equitab basis. 47. Resolved, That the fidelity of the people and the protection of the goveri ment are co-relative obligations, of which the one cannot long subsist without t other ; that by reason of the defects which exist in the laws and constilulion of tl province, and of the manner in which those laws and that constitution havebeena ministered, the people of this province are not sufficiently protected in their liv( their property, and their honour ; and that the long series of ads of injustice a;. oppression of which they have to complain, have increased with alarming rapid! in violence and in number under the present administration. 48. Resolved, That in the midst of these disorders and sufferings, this hoi! and the people whom it represents, had always cherished the hope and expressl their faith that his Majesty's government in England did not knowingly and w fully participate in the political immorality of its. colonial agents and officers ; al that it is with astonishment and grief that they have seen in the extract from t! despatches of the colonial secretary, communicated to this house by the governo? in-chief, during the present session, that one at least of the members of his MajestJ government entertains towards them feelings of prejudice and animosity, and 1- OF CANADA. 855 dines to fnvoiir plans of oppression and revenge, ill adapted to change a system of Jabuses, liic continuance of which woiihl allogcther discourage (he people, extin- guish in them the lesilimalo hope of h.i|ipiness which, as British subjects, they j?ntcrtained, and would leave them only the hard altcrnalive of submitting to an J 'ignominious bondage, or of seeing those lies endangered whicli unite them to the * Imother country. ' I 49. Resolved, That this house and the people, whom it represents, do not wish ')r intend to convey any threat; but that, relying, as they do, upon the principles br haw and justice, tliey are, and ought to be, politically strong enough not to be 'exposed to receive insult from any man whomsoever, or bound to suilVr it in 'silence, that Ihe style of the said extracts from Ihcdespatches of the colonial secre- 'ary, as communicated (o this house, is insulting and inconsiderate to such a legree that no legally constituted body, although ils functions were infinitely sub- 'jrdinale to those of legislation, could or ought to tolerate them; that no similar Example can be found, even in the despatches of those of his predecessors in otTice, ■ 'east favourable to the rights of the colonies ; that tlie tenor of the said despatches is ' ncompaiiblewilh Ihe rights and privileges of this house, which ought not to be called 'n question or defined by the colonial secretary, hut which, as occasion may require '• 'a ill be successively promulgated and enforced by this house. ' ' 50. Resolved, That wilh regard to the following expressions in one of the said ' flespatches, ' Should events unhappily force npoh parliament the exercise of its Supreme authority, to compose the internal dissensions of the colonies, it would be ■ ny object and my duty, as a servant of the crown, to submit to parliament such ' 'Tiodificalions of the charier of the Canadas as should tend, not to the introduction ' ')f instiUilions consistent with monarchical government, but to maintaining and - '.trenglhening the connexion wilh the mother country, by a close adherence to the ' ipirit of the British constitution, and by preserving in their proper i)lace and ' vilhin their due liniiis the mutual rights and privileges of all classes of his Ala- ' 'csty's subjects ;' — if they are to be understood as containing a threat to introduce '' nto Ihe constitution any other modifications than such as are asked for by the najorily of the people of this province, whose sentiments cannot be legitimately ^ ''xpressed by any other authority than its representatives, this house would esteem '■ 'tself wanting in candour to the people of England, if it hesitated to call their at- ' 'entlon to the fact, that in less than twenty years Ihe population of the United " Slates o( America w ill be as great or greater than that of Great Bri'ain, and that ' )f British America will be as great or greater than that of Ihe former English '' (;olonies was when Ihe latter deemed that the time was come to decide that the ■' nappreciable advantage of governing themselves instead of being governed, ought ' engage :^em to repudiate a system of colonial government which was, generally " peaking, much better than that of British America now is. ' 51. Resolved, That the approbalion expressed by the colonial secretary, in his aid despatch, of the present composition of the legislative council, whose acts, '' 'ince its pretended reform, have been marked by party spirit and by invidious ' 'lalional distinctions and preferences, is a subject in general of just alarm to his '■' ?rtajesty's Canadian subjects in general, and more particularly to the greal majority * 'tf them, who have not yielded at any lime to any other class of the inhabitants i* iif this province in their attachment to his 3Iajcsly's government, in tlieir love of "'■' heace and order, in respect for the laws, and in their wish to cffccl that union 'i« 'imong Ihe whole people which is so much to be desired, to the end that all may ■njoy freely and equally the rights and advantages of British subjects, and of the ^' 'nstitutions which have been guaranteed to and are dear to the country; that the * 'lislinctions and preferences aforesaid have almost constantly been used and taken 1' iidVanlage of by the colonial administration of this province, and the majority of the i' 'egisiativc councillors, executive councillors, judges, and other functionaries de- iH' lendenl upon it; and that nothing but the spirit of the union among the several :< Masses of the people, and their conviction thai their interests are the same, could >!*( lave preveDled collisions iocompalible with the prosperity and safety of the fro- 'i^ ince. 356 THE BUBBLES 5-2. Resolved, That since a circumstance, which did not depend upon the choice of the majority of the people, their French origin and their use of the French language, has been made by the colonial aulhorilies a pretext for abuse, for exclu- sion, for political inferiority, for a separation of rights and interests; this house now appeals to the justice of his Majesty's government and of parliament, and to the honour of the people of England ; that the majority of the inhabitants of this country are in nowise disposed to repudiate any of the advantages they derive from their origin and from their descent from the French nation, which, with regard to the progress, of which it has been the cause, in civilization, in the sciences, in letters, and in the arts, has never been behind the British nation, and is now the worthy rival of the latter in the advancement of the cause of liberty and of the science of government ; from which this country derives the greater portion of its civil and ecclesiastical law, and of its scholastic and charitable institutions, and of the religion, language, habits, manners, and customs of the great majority of its inhabitants. 53. Resolved, That our fellow-subjects of British origin, in this province, came to settle themselves in a country, ' the inhabitants whereof, professing the religion of the church of Rome, enjoyed an established form of constitution and system of laws, by which their persons and their property had been protected, governed, and ordered during a long series of years, from the first establishment of the pro- vince of Canada ; ' that prompted by these considerations and guided by the rules of justice and of the law of nations, the British parliament enacted that, ' in all matters of controversy, relative to property and civil rights, resort should be had to the laws of Canada ;' that when parliament afterwards departed from the prin- ciple thus recognised, firstly, by the introduction of the English criminal law, anc afterwards by that of the representative system, with all the constitution and par liamentary law necessary to its perfect action, it did so in conformity to the sufii- ciently expressed wish of the Canadian people ; and that every attempt on the par of public functionaries or of other persons (who on coming to settle in the province made their condition their own voluntary act) against the existence of any porlioi of the laws and institutions peculiar to the country, and any preponderance givei to such persons in the legislative and executive councils, in the courts of law, o in other departments, are contrary to the engagements of the British parliament and to the rights guaranteed to his Majesty's Canadian subjects, on the faith c the national honour of England on that of capitulations and treaties. 54. Resolved, That any combination, whether effected by means of acts of th British parliament, obtained in contravention to its form erengagements, orb means of the partial and corrupt administration of the present constit\ilion an system of law, would be a violation of those rights, and would, as long as itshoul exist, be obeyed by the people, from motives of fear and constraint, and not fror choice and affection ; that the conduct of the colonial administrations, and of the! agents and instruments in this colony, has, for the most part, been of a natui unjustly to create apprehensions as to the views of the people and government < the mother country, and to endanger the confidence and content of the inhabi tants of this province, which can only be secured by equal laws, and by theobser\ ance of equal justice, as the rule of conduct in all the departments of the goven ment. 55. Resolved, That whether the number of that class of his Majesty's subjects i this province, who are of British origin, be that mentioned in the said address ' the legislative council, or whether (as the truth is) it amounts to less than half th number, the wishes and interests of the great majority of them are common to the and to their fellow-subjects of French origin, and speaking the French language that the one class love the country of their birth, the other that of their adoplioi that the greater portion of the latter have acknowledged the generally benefici tendency of the laws and institutions of the country, and have laboured in conce with the former to introduce into them gradually, and by the authority of the pr vincial parliament, the improvements of which they have, from lime to lim appeared susceptible, and have resisted the confusion which it has been endeavour* OF CANADA. 357 I lo inlrocJucc into them, in favour of siiicmcs of monopoly and abuse, and that all I wilhoul distinclion wish anxiously for an imparl ial and proloitin? governmcnl. ; 50. Uesolvcii, That in addition lo adminislralivc and jmliiial abuses, which have ' had an injurious elVecl upon Ihe public welfare and cdiiliilence, allcmpis have been i made, from time, to imhice Ihe parlianieiil id' Ihe I'liited Kiu;;doni, by deceivin*? . ils justice and abusing lis benevolent iulenlions, lo adopt measures calculated to bring about combinations oflhe nalureabove-menlioned, andlo pass ads of internal ' legislation for this pro^ince, ha\ing Ihe same lemlenty, and with regard lo xvhich, the people oflhe country had not been consulted ; that, uidiappily, Ihe allenipts lo ' obtain the passing of some of these measures were successful, especially that of the I act of Ihe 6 Geo. 4, c. 5i), commonly called the ' Tenures Act, ' Ihe rei)eal of which was unanimously demanded by all classes of Ihe people, wilhoul distinction, Ibrough their representatives, a very short lime after the number of the latter was " increased ; and that this house has not yet been able lo obtain from his Majesty's ■ representative in this province, or from any other soinxe, any information as to , the views of his iMajesty's government in England, with regard to the repeal of i the said act. j 57. Resolved, That the object of the said act was, according lo the benevolent intentions of parliament, and as the title oflhe act sets forth, the exlinclion of feudal and seigniorial rights and dues on land held ni firf and accym in this pro- vince, vith the intention of favouring the great body oflhe inhabitants of the country, and protecting them against the said dues, which were regarded as burdensome ; but that Ihe provisions of Ihe said act, far from having Ihe effect aforesaid, afford facililies for seigniors lo become, in opposition to the interest of their ceusilaircs, Ihe absolute proprietors of Ihe eilensive tracts of unconceded lands which, by the law of the country, they held only for the benefit oflhe in- habitants thereof, lo whom they were bound to concede Ihcm in consideration of certain limited dues ; that ihe said act, if generally acted upon, would shut out Ihe mas;s of Ihe permanent inhabitants of the country from the vacant lands in Ihe seigniories, while, at the same time, they have been constantly prevented from settling on the waste lands of the crown on easy and liberal terms, and under a tenure adapted to the laws of Ihe country, by the partial, secret, and vicious manner in which the crown land department has been managed, and the provisions oflhe act aforesaid, with regard to the laws applicable to Ihe lauds in question; and that the application made by certain seigniors for a change of tenure, under Ihe au- thority of Ihe said act, appear lo prove the correctness of the view this house has taken of its practical effect. 58. Resolved, That it was only in consequence of an erroneous supposition that " ' feudal charges were inherent in the law of this country, as far as the possession ". I and transmission of real property, and the tenures recognized by that law, were ' concerned, that it was enacted in Ihe said act thai Ihe lands, with regard lo which ' ■ a change of tenure should be effected, should thereafter be held under Ihe tenure of j, free and common soccage ; that the seigniorial charges have been found burden- I some in certain cases, chiefly by reason of Ihe want of adequate means of obtaining ** i the ini.erfence oflhe colonial government and oflhe courts of law, to enforce the " ; ancient law oflhe country in that behalf, and that Ihe provincial legislature was, • moreover, fully competent lo pass laws, providing for the redemption of the said ' charges in a manner which should be in accordance with Ihe interests of all par- j* ; ties, and for the introduction of the free tenures recognized by Ihe laws of the ' I country; that the House of Assembly has been repeatedly occupied, and now is ' . occupied, about this important subject ; but that the said Tenures Act, insuflicicnt '!*■ ' of itself lo effect equitably the purpose for which it was passed, Is of a nature to P* ! embarrass and create obstacles to the effectual measures which the legislature of '* ' the country, with a full knowledge of the subject, might be disposed lo adopt ; and * I that the application thus made fto the exclusion oflhe provincial legislature) lo the '' parliament of the United Kingdom, which was far less competent lo maUe equitable '* [ enactments on a subject so complicated in its nature, could only have been made ''* ■ with a view to unlawful speculations and the subversion of the laws of ibe connlry. 358 THE BUBBLES 59. Resolved, That independently of its many other serious imperfections, the said act does not appear to have been founded on a sufficient knox^ ledge of the laws which govern persons and property in this country, when it declares the laws of Great Britain to be applicable to certain incidents to real property therein enu- merated ; and that it has only served to augment the confusion and doubt which had prevailed in the courts of law, and in private transactions with regard to the law which applied to lands previously granted in free and common soccage. 60. Resolved, That the provision of the said act which has excited the greatest alarm, and which is most at variance with the rights of the people of the country, and with those of the provincial parliament, is that which enacts that lands pre- viously held en Jief or en censine shall, after a change of tenure shall have been effected with regard to them, be held in free and common soccage, and thereby become subject to the laws of Great Britain, under the several circumslances therein mentioned and enumerated ; that besides being insufficient in i'seif, this provision is of a nature to bring into collision, in the old settlements, at multi- plied points of contiguity, two opposite systems of laws, one of which is entirely unknown to this country, in which it is impossible to carry it into effect; that from the feeling manifested by the colonial authorities and their partisans towards the inhabitants of the country, the latter have just reason to fear that the enactment in question is only the prelude to the linal subversion, by acts of parliament of Great Britain, fraudulently obtained in violation of its former engagements, of the system of laws by which the persons and property of the people of this province were so long happily governed. 61. Resolved, That the inhabitants of this country have just reason to fear that the claims made to the property of the seminary of St. Sulpice, at i\Iontrea!, are attributable to the desire of the colonial administration, and its agents and tools, to hasten this deplorable state of things ; and that his IMajesty's government in England would, by reassuring his faithful subjects on this point, dissipate the alarm felt by the clergy, and by the whole people without distinction, and merit their sincere gratitude. 62. Resolved, That it is the duty of this house to persist in asking for the abso- lute repeal of the said tenures act, and until such repeal shall be effected, to propose to the other branches of the provincial parliament such measures as may be adapted to weaken the pernicious effects of the said act. 63. That this house has learned with regret, from one of the said despatches of the colonial secretary, that his Majesty has been advised to interfere in a matter which concerns the privileges of this house : that in the case there alluded to, this j house exercised a privilege solemnly established by the House of Commons, before | the principle on which it rests became the law of the land ; that this privilege is [ essential to the independence of this house, and to the freedom of its votes and proceedings; that the resolutions passed by this house, on the 15th of February j 1831, are constitutional and well-founded, and are supported by tte example of ii the commons of Great Britain ; that this house has repeatedly passed bills for giving effect to the said principle, but that these bills failed to become law, at first from the obstacles opposed to them in another branch of the provincial legislature, and subsequently by reason of the reservation of the last of the said bills for the signi- fication of his Majesty's pleasure in England, whence it has not yet been sent back ; that until some bill to the same elTect shall become law, this house persists in the said resolutions; and that the refusal of his excellency, the present governor- in-chief, to sign a writ for the election of a knight representative for the county of Montreal, in the place of Dominique Mondelet, Esq., whose seat had been de- clared vacant, is a grievance of which this house is entitled to obtain the redress, and one which would alone have sufficed to put an end to all intercourse between it and the colonial executive, if the circumstances of the country had not offered a infinite number of other abuses and grievances against which it is urgently neces- sary to remonstrate. 64. Resolved, That the claims which have for many years been set up by the executive government to that control over and power of appropriating a great ^ i OF CANADA. 339 portion of the revenues levied in this province, nhich belong oj right to this house are contrary to the rights and to thr constitution of the country ; and that with re- gardtothe said claims, this house persists in the declarations it has heretofore made. 65. Hesohcd, That the said cliims of the exi'culive liave been vague and varying ; ibat the documenls relalivc lo the said claims, and llic accounts and estimates of expenses laid before this house have likewise been varying and irregular, and in- tjuflicient lo enable this house to proceed with a full understanding of the subject ar the matters to which they related ; that important beads of the public revenue af the province, collected either under the provisions of the law or under arbitrary regulations made by the executive, have been omitted in the said accounts ; that Qumerous items have been paid out of the public revenue without the authority of ibis house, or any acknowledgment of its control over them, as salaries for sinecure ofiDces, which are not recognized by this house, and even for other objects forwhich iafter mature deliberation, it had not deemed it expedient to appropriate any por- cion of the public revenue: and that no accounts of the sums so expended have oeen laid before this house. 66. Resolved, That the executive government has endeavoured, by means of the !Vrbitrary regulations aforesaid, and particularly by the sale of the n-astc lands qf the Crown, and of the timber on the same, to create for itself out of the revenue which this house only has the right of appropriating, resources indepen- dent of the control of the represndaiives of the people; and that the residt has keen a diminution of the nholesome influence which the people have constitutionally Ike right of exercising over the administrative branch of the govemment, and wer the spirit and tendency of its measures. ^"7. Resolved, That this house having, from time to time, with a view to proceed If bill, lo restore regularity to the flnancial system of the province, and to provide ibr the expenses of the administration of justice and of his Majesty's civil government therein, asked the provincial government by address for divers documents and ac- "iounts relating to financial matters, and lo abuses connected with them, has met rtilh repeated refusals, more especially during the present session and the pce- eiling one; that divers subordinate public functionaries, summoned to appear letore committees of this house to give information on the said subject, have refused losoin pursuance of the said claim set up by the provincial administrations lo with- ir;iw a large portion of the public income and expenditure from the control and '\ en from the knowledge of this house ; that during the present session one of the aid subordinate functionaries of the executive being called upon lo produce the iriginals of sundry registers of warrants and reports, which it was important lo ills house lo cause to be examined, insisted on being present at the deliberations il the committee appointed by the house for that purpose ; and that the head of the uhninistralion being informed of the fact, refrained from interfering, although in onformity to parliamentary usage, this house had pledged itself that the said do- umenls should be returned, and although the governor -in-chief had himself pro- iiiscd communication of them. G8. Resolved, That the result of the secret and unlawful distribution of a large turlion of the public revenue of the province has been, that the executive govern- iient has always, except with regard lo appropriations for objects of a local nature, onsidered itself bound to account for the public money lo Ibe lords commissioners if the treasury in England, and not to this house, nor according to its voles, or ■ven in conformity to the laws passed by the provincial legislature; and that the lints and statements laid before this house from lime to lime have never as- iiiL'd the shape of a regular system of balanced accounts, but have been drawn up, lie after another, with such alterations and irregularities as it pleased the admi- listralion of the day lo introduce into them, from the accounts kept with the lords if the treasury, in which the whole public money received was included, as well I? all the items of expenditure, whether authorized or unauthorized by the provincial -i>lalure. i>'J. Resolved, Tbat the pretensions and abuses aforesaid bave taken away rrom 3(50 THE BUBBLES j0)(f class; ,IIK peace 0.0 on this house even the shadow of control over the public revenue of the province, anc have rendered it impossible for it to ascertain at any time the amount of revenue collected, the disposable amount of the same, and the sums required for the public service ; and that the house having during many years passed bills, of which the models are to be found in the statute-book of Great Britain, to establish a regulai system of accountability and responsibility in the department connected with the receipt and expenditure of the revenue; these bills have failed in the legislative (iilljK council. 70. Resolved, That since the last session of the provincial parliament, the governor-in-chief of this province, and the members of his executive government relying on the pretensions above-mentioned, have, without any lawful authority, paid large sums out of the public revenue, subject to the control of this house ; anA, fccfilief' that the said sums were divided according to their pleasure, and even in contra-, diction to the voles of this house, as incorporated in the supply bill passed by U jdistoeii during the last session, and rejected by the legislative council. 71. Resolved, that this house will hold responsible for all mooies which have been, or may hereafter be paid, otherwise than under the authority of an act of th^ ptivM legislature, or upon an address of this house, out of the public revenue of th^ province, all those who may have authorized such payments, or participated therein, until the said sums shall have been reimbursed, or a bill or bills of indemnity freelj passed by this house shall have become law. 72. Resolved, That the course adopted by this house in the supply bill, passedli during the last session, of attaching certain conditions to certain votes, for the pur- pose of preventing the accumulation of incompatible offices in the same persons and of obtaining the redress of certain abuses and grievances, is wise and constitU' tional, and has frequently been adopted by the House of Commons, under analogou§||],,(,( circumstances : and that if the Commons of England do not now so frequently recm ifctiisiieci to it, it is because they have happily obtained the entire control of the revenue of the nation, and because respect shewn to their opinions with regard to the redress of grievances and abuses, by the other constituted authorities, has regulatecl the -working of the constitution in a manner equally adapted to give stability to hi^ Majesty's government, and to protect the interests of the people. 73. Resolved, That it was anciently the practice of the House of Commons tc withhold supplies until grievances were redressed ; and that in following this course in the present conjuncture, we are warranted in our proceeding, as well by the most approved precedents, as by the spirit of the constitution itself. 74. Resolved, That if hereafter, when the redress of all grievances and abuses shall have been effected, this house shall deem it fitand expedient to grant supplies. it ought not to do so otherwise than in the manner mentioned in its fifth and sixtl resolutions of the 16lh March 1833, and by appropriating by its votes in an espe-) cial manner, and in the order in which they are enumerated in the said resolutions the full amount of those heads of revenue, to the right of appropriating whicl^ claims have been set up by the executive government. 75. Resolved, That the number of the inhabitants of the country being about 600,000, those of French origin are about 525,000, and those of British orothej origin 75,000 ; and that the establishment of the civil government of Lower Ca- nada for the year 1832, according to the yearly returns made by the provincia, administration, for the information of the British parliament, contained the names of 157 officers and others receiving salaries, who are apparently of British or foreigt origin, and the names of 47 who are apparently natives of the country, of Frencli origin : that this statement does not exhibit the whole disproportion which existij |jj|| in the distribution of the public money and power, the latter class being for thej most part appointed to the inferior and less lucrative offices, and most frequenllji only obtaining even these by becoming the dependants of those who hold the higheiji,.^ and more lucrative offices ; that the accumulation of many of the best paid and mos; influential, and at the same time incompatible offices, in the same person, whicl is forbidden by the laws and by sound policy, exists especially for the benefit of thdjjj #1 pcrsoi njiiilliflai lak liinaltai fefrovincia miileed I f.i jnd i mill!, ofit IBM, acliii; k'mki ofliw sJiiiiiii *>cliss i lie slij k iJmif '•! of (tit leiscicomn teesoir PiKJiUll liliUpB "itloilie ai OF CANADA. S61 ormcr class ; and lliat Iwo-lhirds of the persons included in the last commission if the peace issued in ibe province are apparently of British or foreign origin, and •nc-third only of French origin. 76. Resolved, That this partial and abusive practice of bestowing the great najorily of ofiicial places in the province on those only who are least connected with Is permanent interests, and w ilh the mass of its inhabitants, iiad been most espc- '" tially remarkable in the judicial department, the judges for the three great districts laving, with tlie exception of one only in each, been systematically chosen from that U ilass of persons, who, being born out of the country, are the least versed in its laws, ind in the language and usages of the majority of its inhabitants; that the result of heir intermeddling in the politics of the country, of their connexion w ith the mem- lers of the Colonial administration, and of their prejudices in favour of institutions oreign to and at variance with those of the country, is that the majority of the said udges have introduced great irregularity into the general system of our jurispru- lence, by neglecting to ground their decisions on its recognised principles ; and that he claim laid by the said judges to the power of regulating the forms of legal •roceedings in a manner contrary to the laws, and without the interference of the egislalure, has frequently been extended to the fundamental rules of the law and f practice; and that in consequence of the same system, the administration of the riminal law is partial and uncertain, and such as to afford but little protection to be subject, and has failed to inspire that conOdencc which ought to be its insepa- able companion. 77. Resolved, That in consequence of their connection with the members of "" he provincial administrations, and of their antipathy to the country, some of the Bid judges have, in violation of the laws, attempted to abolish the use in the courts f law of the language spoken by the majority of the inhabitants of the country, •'^?hich is necessary to the free action of the laws, and forms a portion of the usages uaranteed to them in the most solemn manner by the law of nations and by the " tatutes of the British Parliament. 78. Resolved, That some of the said judges, through partiality for political pnr- •oses, and in violation of the criminal law of England as established in this ountry, of their duty, and their oath, have connived with divers law officers of the Town, acting in the interest of the provincial administration, to allow the latter to ngross and monopolize all criminal prosecutions of what nature soever, without llowing the private prosecutor to intervene or be heard, or any advocate to express is opinion amicus curicp, when the Crown officers opposed it ; that in consequence f this, numerous prosecutions of a political nature have been brought into the 'Jourls of law by the Crown officers against those whose opinions were unfavourable ) the administration for the time being; while it was impossible for the very nu- lerous class of his Majesty's subjects to which the latter belonged to commence /ith the slightest confidence any prosecution against those who, being protected y the administration, and having countenanced its acts of violence, had been uilty of crimes or misdemeanors; that the tribunal aforesaid have, as far as the "Jersons composing them are concerned, undergone no modiGcation whatever, and l" aspire the same fears for the future. '^i 79. Resolved, That this house, as representing the people of this province, ^ ossesses of right, and has exercised within this province when occasion has re- iii uired it, all the powers, privileges, and immunities claimed and possessed by the ''• iommons house of Parliament in the kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. I"' 80. Resolved, That it is one of the undoubted privileges of this house to send ^''' )r all persons, papers, and records, and to command the attendance of all persons, '''' ivil or military, resident within the province, as witnesses in all investigations <"'' rhich this house may deem it expedient to institute ; and to require such w itnesses ^^ ) produce all papers and records in their keeping, whenever it shall deem it con- ^ ucive to the public good to do so. ti'J 81. Resolved, That as at the grand inquest of the province, it is the duty of lis house to inquire concerning all grievances, and all circumstances which may Ddanger the general welfare of the inhabitants of the province, or be of a ale iiil ll 362 THE BUBBLES nature lo excite alarm in (hem with regard to their lives, their liberty, and the properly, to the end that such representations may be made to our mo gracious Sovereign, or such legislative measures introduced, as may lead to tl redress of such grievances, or tend to allay such alarm ; and that far from having right to impede the exercise of these rights and privileges, the governor-in-chief deputed by his Sovereign, is invested with great powers, and receives a large salar' as much for defending the rights of the subject and facilitating the exercise ofll privileges of ihis house and of all constituted bodies, as for maintaining the pren gatives of the crown. 82. Resolved, That since the commencement of the present session, a gre number of petitions relating lo the inflnite variety of objects connected with tl public welfare, have been presented to this house, and many messages andimporta communicalions received by it, both from his .^Iaje«ty's government in England ai from his lilajesly's provincial government; that many bills have been introduo in this house, and many important inquiries ordered by it, in several of which li governor- in-chief is personally and deeply implicated; that the said petitions fro our constituents, the people of all parls of this province; the said communicatio from his Majesty's government in England and from the provincial governmen the said bills already introduced or in preparation ; the said inquiries commenc and intended to be diligently prosecuted, may and must necessitate the presence' numerous witnesses, the production of numerous papers, the employment ' numerous clerks, messengers, and assistants, and much printing, and lead toi evilable and daily disbursements, forming the contingent expenses of this house. 83. Resolved, That from the year 1792 lo the present, advances hadconslan' been made lo meet these expenses, on addresses similar to that presented tii year by this house to the governor-in-chief, according to the practice adopted r Ihe House of Commons; that an address of this kind is the most solemn volef credit which this house can pass, and that almost Ihe whole amount of the su exceeding 277,000/. has been advanced on such votes by the predecessors of i excellency the governor-in-chief, and by himself (as he acknowledges by his mess.') on the 18lh January 1834), without any risk having ever been incurred by af other governor on account of any such advance, although several of them have li differences, attended by violence and injustice on /Ae/r part, wilh the housef assembly, and without their apprehending that the then next parliament would it be disposed to make good the engagements of the house of assembly for the tij being; and that this refusal of the governor-in-chief, in the present instance, i- senlially impedes the dispatch of the business for which the parliament was call together, is derogatory lo the rights and honour of Ibis house, and forms anotlr grievance for which the present administration of this province is responsible. 84. Resolved, That besides the grievances and abuses before-mentioned, the exist in this province a great number of others (a part of w hich existed before e commencement of the present administration, which has maintained them, an<;s the author of a portion of them), with regard to which this house reserves to it If the right of complaining and demanding reparation, and the number of whiclis too great to allow of their being enumerated here : that this house points ouiS among that number. Istly. The vicious composition and the irresponsibility of the executive count, the members of which are at the same time judges of the court of appeals, and le secresy with which not only the functions, but even the names of the member)f that body have been kept from the knowledge of this house, when inquiries h'e been instituted by it on the subject. 2dly. The exorbitant fees illegally exacted in certain of the public offices, |d in others connected with the judicial department, under regulations made by »e executive council, by the judges, and by other functionaries usurping the power f the legislature. 3dly. The practice of illegally calling upon the judges to give their opini secretly on questions which may be afterwards publicly and contradictorily arg i before them ; and the opinions themselves so given by the said judges, as polil |l OF CANADA. 363 arllians, in opposition to the laws, but in favour of the administration for the time i;ing. ! 4lhiy. The ounnilalion of public places and oflliccs in the same persons, und jie eflorts made by a number ol' families connccled with the adminislratiDU lo per- jjtuate this stale of things for llieir own advaulape, and for llie sake of domineering r ever, with interested views and in the spirit of party, over the people and their '' Ipresentalives. 1 I 5thly. The intermeddlin;:; of members of the legislative councils in the elections ■ the representatives of the people, for the purpose of influeiuinp and controlling 8 leni by force, and the selection frequently made of reluming ollicers for the pur- I Dse of securing the same partial and corrupt ends ; the inlerference of the [tresenl 1 nvernor in-cliief himself in the said elections; his approval of (be inlerun-dilling . 1 the legislature, and the disproportion of the salaries paid to public functionaries 1 1> the services performed by them, to the rent of real property, and to the ordinary )[i jicome commanded by the exertions of persons possessing talent, industry, and g i:onomy, equal to or greater than those of the said functionaries. i)i . 9thly. The want of all recourse in the courts of law on the part of those who lij lave just and legal claims on the government. ji 1 lOthly. The too frequent reservation of bills for the signification of his Ma- sty's pleasure, and the neglect of the Colonial Ofiice to consider such bills, a ,ii ;reat number of which have never been sent back to tlie province, and some of ii ihich have even been returned so late that doubts may be entertained as to the jtijialidity of the sanction given to them; a circumstance which has introduced irre- ..jl lularity and uncertainty into the legislation of the province, and is felt l)y this ouse as an impediment to the re-introduction of the bills reserved during the then (j I [receding sessions. ,|Jj; llthly. The neglect on the part of the Colonial Ofiice lo give any answer lo ;rtain addresses transmitted by this house on important subjects; the practice fol- wed by the administration of communicating in an incomplete manner, and by itracts, and frequently without giving their dales, the despatches received from uprme to time on subjects which have engaged the attention of this house; and p|(;to frequent references lo Ihe opinion of his Majesty's ministers in England, and the on i is»' 364 THE BUBBLES «icl the part of the provincial administralion, upon points which it is in Iheir powiTjittaccnsi and within their province to decide. ] ^jjiaiilw 12lhly. The unjust retention of the college at Quebec, which forms part ' (j |it»l« the estatesof the late Order of Jesuits, and which from a college has been tran^ formed into a barrack for soldiers; the renewal of the lease of a considerable poll tion of the same estates, by the provincial executive, in favour of a member of li 1 lowakt legislative council, since those estates were returned to the legislature, and jj L^yfnil) ai opposition to the prayer of this house, and to the known wishes of a great nuiii Ljiiisotos ber of his Majesty's subjects, to obtain lands there and to settle on them; andll L0vi refusal of the said executive to communicate the said lease, and other informatic .iJ^iifli on the subjects, to this house. ! .j yva 13thly. The obstacles unjustly opposed by the executive, friendly to abus , ij,] »heii and to ignorance, to the establishment of colleges endowed by virtuous and disii Lsfisioo' terested men, for the purpose of meeting the growing desire of the people for i\ jj|,j[t((orii careful education of their children.* ; jiiiPinKrest 14th!y. The refusal of justice with regard to the accusations brought by lli , house, in the name of the people, against judges for flagrant acts of malversatioi ' and for ignorance and violation of the law . iilksffltii Hiiiilllies fcfr, dfcei 15lhly. The refusals on the part of the governors, and more especially of present governor-in-chief, to communicate to this house the information asked ti. by it from time to time, and which it had a right to obtain, on a great number subjects connected with the public business of the province. lethly. The refusal of his Majesty's Government to reimburse to the provin(iii,,,,,,p,|, the amount for which the late receiver-general was a defaulter, and its neglect 'IL i jjji enforce the recourse which the province was entitled to against the properly ai, person of the late receiver-general. 85. Resolved, That the facts mentioned in the foregoing resolutions, demoi strate that the laws and constitutions of the province have not, at any period, b& administered in a manner more contrary to the interests of his Majesty's goverij menf , and to the rights of the people of this province, than under the present ai ministration, and render it necessary that his Excellency Matthew Lord Aylmer, Ba!:ath, the present governor-in-chief of this province, be formally accused I this house of having, while acting as governor, in contradiction to the wishes | the Imperial Parliament, and to the instructions he may have received, and agalc the honour and dignity of Ihecrown, and the rights and privileges of this house ai the people whom it represents, so recomposed the legislative council as to augme the dissensions which rend this colony; of having seriously impeded the lahouj of this house, acting as the grand inquest of the country; of having disposed ' the public revenue of the province, against the consent of the representatives the people and in violation of the law and constitution; of having maintain existing abuses, and created new ones; of having refused to sign a writ for t election of a representative to fill a vacancy which had happened in this hous and to complete the number of representatives established by law for this prj|r' vince; and that this house expects from the honour, palriolism, and justice oft reformed Parliament of the United Kingdom, that the Commons of the said pa liament will bring impeachments, and will support such impeachments before i House of Lords against the said Matthew Lord Aylmer, for his illegal, unjust, ai ' " unconstitutional administration of the government of this province; and agaii ?' *^" hn taoi pf m; be laJjiie tetJ; and ■* To illustrate the malignant spirit inherent in the party there only needed this accm j tion. Mr. M'Gill, a respectable resident, on his demise some years ago, left £10,0( ''" wherewith to endow a college for the purpose of education, to be railed after hira. T '!''■, heir-at-law and executor, one of the clique, refused to part with the funds, and disput lltijDj the will. After being worsted in the Colonial courts, it was carried by appeal to I.oudi and ultimately the decision of the courts in Canada confirmed, by which the bequest, w interest, now amounting to more than £21,000, is ordered to be applied according to ( testator's v.'ill. VVe shall merely state that Viger prosecuted the suit — that Papineau 8 vised the defenre — and that Des Rivieres, the executor, since the cause has been decid ii|(, against him, is bankrupt. The crime of the will we suppose, was, that it did not restr jj. the uses of the college to the French party. — See Canada Question. ' '' ii Ikt) ['We of I, OP CANADA. 365 idtoflhe wicked and perverse advisers who have misled him, as this house may renfter accuse, illhcre lie no means of obtaining justice against them in the pro- ice, or al the hands of liis ."Majesty's executive government in lingland. 81). Rcsolvi'U, Thallliis house hopes and believes that the independent mem- rs of both houses of lh(,' Parliament of tiie United Kingdom will be disposed, both m inclination and a scMise of duty, to support the accusations brought by this use; to waUh over the preservation of its rights and privileges, which ha\c been froqueutly and violently attacked, more especially by the present adniinistra- n; and so to act, that the people of this province may not be forced by oppression 'regret their dcpendance on llie British empire, and to seek elsewhere a remedy • their allliction. 87. Resolved, That this bouse learned, with gratitude, that Daniel O'Connell, q. had given notice in the Mouse of Commons in July last, thai during the !senl session of the Imperial Parliament, he would call its attention to the ne- sity of reforming the legislative and executive councils in the two Canadas; and It the interest thus shown for our own fate by him whom the gratitude and bless- ;s of his countrymen have, with the applause of the whole civilized world, pro- imed great and liberator, and of whom our fellow-countrymen entertain corre- mding sentiments, keeps alive in us the hope that, through the goodness of our jse and the services of such a friend, the British Parliament will not permit a nisler, deceived by the interested representations of the provincial administra- D and its creatures and tools, to exert (as there is reason from his despatches to orehend that he may attempt to do) the highest degree of oppression in favour a system which, in better limes, he characterized as faulty, and against sub- ts of his Majesty who are apparently only known to him by the great patience th which they have waited in vain for promised reforms. 88. Resolved, That this house has the same confidence in Joseph Hume, Esq., 1 feels the same gratitude for the anxiety which he has repeatedly shown for the Sd government of these colonies, and the amelioration of their laws and consti- 'ions, and calls upon the said Daniel O'Connell and Joseph Hume, Esqrs,. 'lose constant devotedness was, even under a Tory ministry, and before the re- m parliament, partially successful in the emancipation of Ireland, from the ne bondage and the same political inferiority with which the communications eived from the colonial secretary during the present session menace the people Lower Canada, to use their efforts that the laws and constitution of this pro- ice may be amended in the manner demanded by the people thereof; that the ases and grievances of which the latter have to complain may be fully and entirely Iressed; and that the laws and constitution may be hereafter administered in a nner consonant with justice, with the honour of the crown and of the people of gland, and with the rights, liberties, and privileges of the people of this pro- ice, and of this house by which they are represented. 89. Resolved, That this house invites the members of the minority of the le- lative council who partake the opinions of the people, the present members the House of Assembly, until the next general election, and afterwards all the mbers then elected, and such other persons as they may associate with them, to m one committee or two committees of correspondence, to sit at Quebec and onlreal in the first instance, and afterwards at such place as they shall think iper; the said committees to communicate with each other and with the several al committees, which may be formed in different parts of the province, and to :er into correspondence with the Hon. Denis Benjamin Viger, the agent of '" s province in England, with the said Daniel O'Connell and Joseph Hume, qrs., and with such other members of the House of Lords or of the House of fci mmons, and such other persons in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and l:« kland as they may deem expedient, for the purpose of supporting the claims of '■" ! people of this province and of this house; of furnishing such information, do- jji Bents, and opinions as they may think adapted to make known the slate, It shes, and wants of the province : the said committees also to correspond with rfsi h persons as they shall think proper in the other British colonies, which are 366 THE BUBBLES all interested, that the most populous of their sister colonies do not sink und the violent attempt to perpetuate the abuses and evils which result as well fro , the vices of its constitution as from the combined malversation of the admini i trative, legislative, and judicial departments, out of which have sprung insult a \ oppression for the people, and by necessary consequence, hatred and contempt, j their part, for the provincial government. I 90. Resolved, That the Honourable Denis Benjamin Viger be requested | JM"^ remain at the seat of his Majesty's government, at least during the present se J -fllit sion of the Imperial Parliament, to continue to watch over the interests of t luj province with the same zeal and the same devotedness as heretofore, without si fering himself to be discouraged by mere formal objections on the part of the !* who are unwilling to listen to the complaints 0/ the country. jdllk 91. Resolved, That the fair and reasonable expenses of the said two commilt(. jjjj, of correspondence, incurred by them in the performance of the duties entrust 1 , to them by this house, are a debt which it contracts towards them; and thatti ' * representatives of the people are bound in honour to use all constitutional mea, lite to reimburse such expenses to the said committee, or to such person as may a- Jidd vance money to them for the purposes above-mentioned. ' I ,' 92. Resolved, That the message from his excellency the governor-in-chi, ' ' received on the 13lh of January last, and relating to the writ of election fori; \'MK county of Montreal, with the extract from a despatch which accompanied it, tj ;|[j|io message from the same, received the same day, and relating to the supply b, ™,., and the message from the same, received on the 14th January last, with I; ■ extract from the despatch which accompanied it, be expunged from the journj '*^' of this house. Tai These resolutions, and the memorial accompanying them, we; , ' referred to a committee composed, like the last, chiefly of libeil '., members, and containing several persons whose opinions were w\ ' .. known to be favourable to their cause. The Canadian delegate, M. l' , Morin,* was heard at great length, and I must refer you to the t<- /' , timony given by him as a proof how all the vague assertions containl in their petition and resolutions vanished, when they were subject! liikl to a critical and close examination. There are few instances 1 ''™ record in whicha witness was so skilfully examined, or where a cle\r f^ man, as he undoubtedly is, was brought to refute himself socoi- h^ pletely as he has done. After a patient hearing of all he could say,ti *w committee reported (June 1834)"as follows: — ^f^ " That the most earnest anxiety had existed, on the part of the home govei- ■'"" ment, to carry into effect the suggestions of the committee of 182S; and that e *'■ endeavours of the government to that end had been unremitting, and guided f •*'' the desire, in all cases, to promote the interest of the colony; and that in sev(J '*''i' important particulars their endeavours had been completely successful; thattt *''! others, however, they had not been attended with that success which might he ''« been anticipated, heats and animosities and differences having arisen ; thalit " »' appeared to the committee some mutual misconception had prevailed ; and til *'» they believed they should best discharge their duly by withholding any furt* *ki opinion on the points in dispute; and were persuaded the practical mcasuresT ~'«illi the future administration of Lower Canada might best be left to the mature cf* "^''m sideralion of the government responsible for their adoption and execution.' * See the evidence taken before the committee, and published by order of Parliami \ OF CANADA. 3fl7 LETTER VIII. s •• Shortly afterwards the whole of the proceedings of government, I "lince the year 1828 to the present period, were detailed in a very able , ,ind lucid statement of my Lord Aberdeen, in which he claims lor J limself and colleagues the credit of a full and faithlul compliance vitli the recommendations of the Canada committee, as far as the ^ lowers of the executive permitted them do so. I have, therefore, « iibstained from entering into the particulars myself, and prefer giv- -' ing this narrative to compiling one of my own. It is not only infi- ■' litely better done than I could hope to do it, but it is desirable, in ^ jUch cases, to draw one's information from tlie most authentic sources. I am neither the advocate nor the panegyrist ot any of these admi- '^ listrations — what my opinion of their policy may be is of little con- j 'equence; but even if it were much more favourable than it happens [5 p be, I sliould refrain from expressing it, for I have yet to learn low a poor man can eulogise the character of those who are in ower, and yet sustain the reputation of his own sincerity. With the , Visdom of their measures I have nothing to do at present; my ob- 3ct is to show thepc has been no oppression, and that, whatever . mputation these proceedings deserve, they are at least exempted from ; hat of unkindness. I must therefore request a careful perusal of . he following document : — 'M I la the following pages Lord Aberdeen will allempl to shew that there was snfTi- f^ ient reason to anticipate the entire conciliation of Lower Canada from the ac- I omplisliment of the resolutions of the Canada commillee, and thai, to the utmost ' f the power of the Crown, those resolutions were, in fact, carried into execution. « . The appointment of the Canada committee of 1828 was, on every account, an ,1 inporlant proceeding. The redress of grievances had been demanded, not by an olated party, but by both of those great bodies which divide between them the ealth and political authority of the province. Willi \icws essentially dissimi- ^ jir, or rather hostile, they had concurred in an appeal to the metropolitan go- ,. iCrnmcnt. 1^ i By each body of petitioners were deputed agents authorized to interpret their ,j .ishes, and to enforce their claims. The committee itself was certainly notcom- ,. osed of gentlemen unfavourable to the views of the great numerical majority of , I lie house of assembly. They prosecuted the enquiry with great diligence and 1^ al. They examined the agents of both parties, and every other person capable ji j" throwing light on the subject referred to them. None of the ijueslions brought ,. ,Qder their notice, either by the petitioners or by the witnesses, was unexplored; jid, in the result, a report was made, in which, wiUj un explanation of every |(iown or supposed grievance, were combined suggestions for the guidance of the , tecutive government in applying the appropriate remedies. The house of assembly in Lower Canada, in their answer to the address with hich the administrator of the government opened the session of the provincial I* 'irliament in their winter of 1828, characterized this report in terms which may 3 transcribed as expressing, on the highest local authority, the claims of that do- 368 THE BUBBLES cument to respect, as affording a guide at once to the Canadian assembly, and tc the ministers of the crown, of the rights to be asserted by the one, and concedec by the other. ' The charges and well-founded complaints,' observed the house ' of the Canadians before that august senate, were referred to a committee of Ihi House of Commons, indicated by the colonial minister, that committee exhibiting i striking combination of talent and patriotism, uniting a general knowledge of pub lie and constitutional law to a particular aquaintance with the state of both thi Canadas, formally applauded almost all the reforms which the Canadian people an( their representatives demanded and still demand. After a solemn investigation after deep and prolonged deliberation, the committee made a report, an impe rishable monument of their justice and profound wisdom, an authentic testimo Dial of the reality of our grievances, and of the justice of our complaints, faithful! interpreting our wishes and our wants. Through this report, so honourable to it authors, his Majesty's government has become belter than ever acquainted with th true situation of this province, and can better than ever remedy existing grievances an obviate difliculties for the future.' Language more comprehensive or emphati could not have been found, in which to record the acceptance by the house of as sembly, of the report of 1828, as the basis on which they were content to procee for the adjustment of all differences. The questions in debate became thence forth, by the common consent of both parties, reducible to the simple enquii I whether the British government had, to the fullest extent of their lawful authority faithfully carried the recommendations of the committee of 1828 into execution. On a review of all the subsequent correspondence, Lord Aberdeen finds bin self entitled to state that, in conformity with the express injunctions, and the ps ternal wishes of the King, his Majesty's confidential advisers have carried in- complete eltect every suggestion offered for their guidance by the committee of ll house of commons. It is necessary to verify this statement by a careful and minute comparison b tween the advice received, and the measures adopted. To avoid the possibility i error, the successive recommendations of the committee of 1828 shall be tran- cribed at length, with no other deviation than that of changing the order in whit the topics are successively arranged in their report, an order dictated by consider; tions of an accidental and temporary nature, but otherwise inconvenient, as pes. poning many of the weightier topics to some of comparatively light importance. First, then, the report of 18-28 contains the following advice of the Canaf committee on the subject of finance — ' Although, from the opinion given by I law officers of the crown, your committee must conclude that the legal right appropriating the revenues arising from the act of 1774 is vested in the crow they are prepared to say that the real interests of the provinces would be best pt moted by placing the receipt and expenditure of the whole public revenue unc the superintendence and control of the bouse of assembly.' ' If the officd above enumerated are placed on the footing recommended,' (that is, in a stf: of pecuniary independence on the assembly) ' your committee are of opinion tl; all the revenues of the province, except the territorial and hereditary revenui, should be placed under the control and direction of the legislative assembly.' The strict legal right of the crown to appropriate the precedes of the si- tute 14 G. IIL, c. 88, being thus directly maintained, the renunciation of tit right was recommended, on condition that ' the governor, the members of Ij executive council, and the judges, should be made independent of the annil votes of the house of assembly for their respective salaries.' What then has bo the result ? His Majesty has renounced these his acknowledged legal rights, but h not stipulated for the performance, on the part of the assembly, of the conditl thus imposed upon them, and, to the present moment, that condition rema unfulfilled. By the British statute 1 and 2 W. IV., c. 73, which was introdu into parliament by his Majesty's then confidential advisers, the appropriation the revenues of the 14 ii. 111., is transferred to the assembly absolutely, fi without either that qualification which the committee proposed, or any otl:. Here, then, it cannot be denied that their advice has been followed, not cjf I l.JL af "I F OF CANADA. 369 wilh implicit deference, bul in a spirit of concession which Ihey did not contem ■plate. Secondly. On llic subject of the icprcsenlalion of the people in Lower Ca- inada, the opinion of Ihecoininillcc was expressed in llie following terms • — • Vour commiltee are now desirous of adverting to llie representative system of Lower Canada, with respect to which, all parties seem to agree that some change should •take place.' After detailing the various causes which had led to an inequality in the number of the members of the assembly in favour of the French inhabi- :lanls of the seigniories, and therefore to the prejudice of the inhabitants of Eng- liish origin in the townships, the commillee |)assed from the subject with the following general remark. ' In pro\iding a represciilutive system for the inha- bilanls of a country which is gradually con)prchending within its limits newly peopled and extensive districts, great imperfections must necessarily arise from proceeding in the first instance on the basis of po|)ulalion only. In Upper Ca- 1 nada, a representative system has been founded on the compound basis of territory : jind population. This principle, we think, might be advantageously adopted in i tLower Canada.' i ■ It was with the entire concurrence of his Majesty's government, that the legisia- '■'■ iure of Lower Canada assumed to themselves the duly of giving eflect to this part I )f the advice of the committee. That report had laid down the general principle n ,hat, w ilh one exception, ' all changes, if possible, be carried into cllect by the 1 ocal legislature themselves;' and to that principle the ministers of the crown If idhered, even in a case where the dominant majority of the assembly had an in- I erest directly opposed to that of the great body of English inhabitants, for whose I ipecial relief the new representation bill was to be enacted. Such a bill was ac- I ordingly passed, and was reserved for the signification of his IMajesly'spleasnre. I actually received the royal assent, and is, at this day, the law of the province. II 1 In this case, also, the concessions made to the Canadian inhabitants of French ill irigiu were far greater than the authors of the report of 1828 could have had in m lonlemplation. The L^pper Canadian principle of combining territory and po- »k I'ulation, as the basis of elective franchise, was not adopted in Lower Canada : M be assembly substituted for it a new division of the country, of whicli the eflect (» las been to increase rather than to diminish the disproportion between the nura- M er of members returned by the English and those representing the French Cana- ls lian interest. This result of the bill was distinctly foreseen by the oflicial advi- [i, !»rs of the crown, and it became the subject of grave deliberation whellier his A lajesty should be advised to acquiesce in a scheme which followed the advice of w iie Canada committee, so far indeed as to effect a material change in the repre- ilf tentative body, and so far as to give to the English settlers a few more voices in gi lie assembly, but not so far as to secure to them any additional weight in the deli- ofc leratious of that house. It is not within the object of this minute to defend or jH>explain the motives of the ultimate decision in favour of the bill. For the III Iresent purpose it is enough to say, that the acceptance of it gave to the Cana^- ,m ;ians of French origin far more than the report of 18-28 authorised them to expect. Thirdly. Inferior only in importance to the topics already noticed, is that of the iH udependenceofthe judges, respecting which the following passage may be extracted o(l .cm the report of 1828: — 'On the other hand, your commiltee, while recom- ,i|: lending such a concession on the part of the crown,' (the concession, that is, of mi e revenue), ' are strongly impressed with the advantage of rendering the judges ijjii (dependent of the annual votes of the house of assembly for their respective sala- tiii ies. Your committee are fully aware of the objections in principle, which may be mJ lirly raised against the practice of voting permanent salaries to the judges who tfB ie removable at the pleasure of the crown ; but being convinced that it would be ,1* (expedient that the crown should be deprived of the power of removal, and having ijiil lell considered the public inconvenience which might result from their being left fij.ii dependence on the annual vote of the assembly, they have decided to make the „ol iicommendation, in their instance, of a permanent vote of salary.' 1 Thus the Canada committee of 1828 were of opinion that the judges ought to be 24 370 THE BUBBLES independentoftheassembly for their incomes, but ought to continue liable to removal from office at the pleasure of the Crown. Yet so far have the British government be«n from meting out relief to the province grudgingly, or in any narrovs spirit, thai ||!.J(||ie itier T.a «i til an irse wtafDf tiiiliem Stliiws 'sfts. 1 %'t ilie i they have left nothing unattempled which could secure to the judges, not merely' that pecuniary independence which the committee advised, but that independent tenure of office also, which their report expressly dissuaded. In the adjacent pro- vince of Upper Canada, both objects have been happily accomplished. In hU dispatch of the 8th February 1831, No. XXll., the Earl of Ripon explained to Lord Aylmer the course of proceeding which had been adopted for asserting the in- dependence of the judges in this kingdom, and signified to the governor his Ma-j jesty's commands to avail himself of the earliest opportunity for proposing to the] legislative council and assembly of Lower Canada, the enactment of a bill declaring that the commissions of all the judges of the supreme courts should be granted Q endure their good behaviour, and not during the royal pleasure ; and Lord Aylmei. was further instructed, in the name and on the behalf of his Majesty, to assent tc' a bill for carrying that object into effect. Lord Ripon, however, declared it to be^ of course, an essential condition of his arrangement, that ' an adequate and per- manent provision should be made for the judges.' It remains to state the result A bill was passed by the house of assembly, by which, indeed, the tenure of Ihiir judicial office was made to depend on the good behaviour of the judges, and b' L ,1 which a provision, adequate in amount, was made for them. But that provision wa so granted as to be liable to be diminished or taken away by the annual votes the house of assembly. To this measure, so popular in its general character 0, pretensions, were also 'tacked' (to adopt the usual parliamentary phrase) clause jL by which a right to dispose of the territorial revenue of the Crown was asserledi, . and by which all the public officers in the colony, — the governor himself not beiB||F.,i . ^ expressly excepted — were made amenable to a tribunal, to be constituted for tf"' ' trial of all impeachments preferred by the representatives of the people. Sui was the return made to an act of grace, which the Canada Committee themsel had expressly dissuaded. To have acquiesced in it would have involved a sa fice of whatever is due to the dignity of the King, and to the liberties of his Majest! subjects. His Majesty's assent was, therefore, wilhholden, though not wiihoi the expression of the deepest regret, and the most distinct offer to assent to an other bill for establisliing the independence of the judges, which should be exemi from such objections. The house of assembly, however, have never since tenderf an act of that nature for the acceptance of his Majesty, of of his Majesty's represei talive in the province. Fourthly. The next topicisthatofthe composition ofthe legislative and excculi | councils, respecting which the following suggestions occur in the report of 182S ;- 1* '" ' One' (it is said) ' of the most important subjects to which their inquiries ha been directed, has been the slate of the legislative councils in both the Canada and the manner in which these assemblies have answered the purposes for whii, they were instituted. Your committee strongly recommend that a more indep^Ji* '' dent character should be given to these bodies ; that the majority of their mcmbf should not consist of persons holding offices at the pleasure of the Crown ; and th any other measures that may tend to connect more intimately this branch of t constitution with the interest of the colonies, would be attended with the grea^ advantage. With respect to the judges, with the exception only of Ihechief justifj whose presence on particular occasions might be necessary, your committee en tain no doubt that they had belter not be involved in the political business of house. Upon similar grounds, it appears to your committee that it is not desiraj' that judges should hold seats in the executive council.' Pter With what scrupulous exactness these recommendations have been foUoVfflP.* will now be shewn. With respect to the judges, Lord Ripon, in the despatclijr''i'«b the 8lh of February already quoted, conveyed to Lord Aylmer bis Majesty's cojjjp'fiet mands to signify to the legislative council and assembly, his Majesty's seU purpose to nominate, on nw future occasion, any judge as a member, either of executive or of the legislative council of the province. It was added, that the siiHf *'?!t- ' 'f'irt, llierel .■itilili ikti iiiJ IL, liliiltfi (;! OF CANADA. 3T1 ixceplion to that general rule would be, that the chief justice of Quebec would J)e 1 member of llie legislative council, in order lliat the nienibers of thai body might (ia\e the beiietil of his assistance in framing laws of a general and permanent iiharactcr. I$ut his 31ajesty declared his purpose to recommend, even to that high bflScer, a cautious abslincuce from all proceedings, by which he might be involved n any political contentions of a parly nature. It was not in the power of the King's government to remove from the legislative louncil any of the judges who had already been appointed to be members of that wdy; because the terms of the constitutional act secure to them the enjoyment >f their seals for life. But in a private despatch of the same dale, the four gentle- Jien who had at I hat time combined the judicial character with seats in the council, lerc cariiestiy exhorlcd to resign their places as councillors, and were assured that iiolhing should be wanting to rescue them from any possibility of misconstruction, IS to the motives by which that advice had been dictated or obeyed. In point of act, it was not accepted : but the judges unanimously agreed to withdraw from all kclive interference in Ihe business of the council, and have never since attended its ittings. The chief justice indeed, as was recommended by the Canada committee, orms the single exception ; but even that gentleman, as far as the information of his office extends, has confined his interference within the limits prescribed to him y the commillee and by the Earl of Ripon. The principles laid down by the committee of 1828, for regulating the composition f the legislative council, have been not less strictly pursued in every other respect. »ince the date of their report, eighteen new members have been appointed. Of bat number there is nol one who holds any otiice or place of emolument at the leasure of the crown, or who is in any other manner dependent upon the favour f his Majesty, or his official advisers. Of the eighteen new members, ten are of 'rench origin. The lotal number of counsellors is thirty-five, of whom only seven old public offices. Amongst Ihem is the bishop of Quebec, who is, in the fullest se of the term, independent of the crown. The chief justice, whose dependence » altogether nominal, is another. Of the whole body of thirly-Uve members there emain therefore but five over whom the executive government can, with any reason r plausibility, be said to possess any direct influence. It is therefore not without a reasonable confidence, that the words in which the immittee of 1828 suggest the proper composition of the legislative council, maybe dopted as precisely descriptive of the manner in which it is actually composed. A more independent character' has been given to that body. The ''majority f tba members' does not consist of ' persons holding office at the pleasure of the fown.' This branch of the constitution has been connected ' more intimately ilb the interests of the province,' by the addition of a large body of Canadian inttemen. But the case may be carried still further, and it may be shewn that, in respect the councils, the efforts of Lord Aberdeen's predecessors have left behind them le advice of the Canada Committee. The executive council has also been rcngthened by the addition of three members of French origin. A seat was ffered Mr. INeilson, the most prominent of the delegates from the house of as- mbly of 1828, and to M. Papineau, the speaker of that house. It need scarcely s said that it was impossible to give a more decisive proof of the wish of the inisters of the crown, that the composition of the Canadian council should be ;ceptable to the great majority of the people. Fifthly. The next in order of the recommendations of that commillee relates to e clergy reserves, a subject on which they employed the following language : — (As your commillee entertain no doubt that the reservation of these lands in ortmain is a serious obstacle to the improvement of the colony, they think every '" poper exertion should be made to place them in the handsof persons who will per- ' rm upon them the duties of settlement, and bring them gradually into cultivation.' Although the views of the committee were thus limited to the improvement of e clergy reserves, Ihe government advanced to the redress of the evil indicated in e report, by a measure, not only far more decisive, but eminently remarkable ens > .1 (•11 37i THE BUBBLES for the confidence it expressed in the provincial legisialure. The constitutiona act having authorised his Majesty, with the advice of the legislative council and *"' assembly, to vary or repeal any of the provisions therein made for the allotment *''■ and iippropriation of lands for the support of the Protestant clergy, Lord Ripoaj A"? availing himself of that enactment, proposed that the power of repeal should be exercised by those bodies, and should be accompanied with a declaration that th« reserved lands should merge in the general demesne of the crown. The object ol this proposal was to bring the reserves within the reach of the general rules, undei' which all the waste lands of the province are progressively sold to the highest bidder. To prevent any possible misconception of the views of his Majesty's government, the draft of a bill for the accomplishment of this design was transmittec to Lord Aylmer, wilh instructions to give his assent if such a law should he presentee for his acceptance. To obviate the risk of offence being given, by suggesting tc the house of assembly the exact language as well as the general scope of a measuri to originate wilh them, Lord Aylmer was directed to proceed wilh the mosi cautious observance of the privileges of that body, and of all the constitutional forms. Anticipating the contingency oflhe measure being adopted in substance but with variations in the terms, Lord Kipon further slated that, in that event the bill was not to be rejected by the governor, but was to be specially reserved foif fl 'lie ! the signification of his DIajesty's pleasure In obedience to these directions, the bill was inlroduced into the house o assembly, but did not pass into a law. That it would haver effectually remove« the grievance pointed out by the Canada committee, has not been disputed ; no; can the ministers of the crown be held in any sense responsible for the continuance ^. of an evil for which they had matured so complete a remedy. The only explanatiol iif;«filof which has ever been given of Ihe failure of the proposal is, that the solicitor general, Mr Ogden, had used some expressions, whence it was inferred that hii 'iwail Majesty's government would reject the bill if altered in a single word. It is scarcelt *!■ * credible, that this should be an accurate surmise of the real cause oflhe loss of th( fell for Clergy Lands Appropriation Bill. It is not to be believed that the assembly o littli Lower Canada would have rejected an unobjectionable proposal for the redress qi toielo imkl ilki!, a grievance of which complaint had been long and loudly made, for no other reasoi than that a public officer, not of the highest rank or consideration, had used som casual expression, in which the ultimate views of his Majesty's advisers were inac- curately explained. To the governor application could have immediately beef made, for more authentic information ; and, in fact, the tenour of the despatcl which had been received by Lord Aylmer, was perfectly wiell known throughoD M, the province to every person who felt any interest in the subject. The measur has never since been revived ; and it must be therefore assumed, that the assembl are less anxious than Lord Ripon supposed, for Ihe removal of this obstruction t l„(iiliav jsnii; Hie iiitloili' ifiiieii m, Ml llioie lidiaii'e i 'i aJv ikiie. 1 tai«n»t •liiJMl 3| agriculture and internal improvement. Be that as it may, the British governmeD Kiliiii •iKifiitiirijl •illtffjr are completely absolved from the responsibility thrown upon them by this part o the report of the Canada committee. Sixthly. That body proceeding to other subjects connected with Ihe wild land of the province, expressed their opinion that — ' It might be well for the governi ment to consider whether the crown reserves could not be permanently alienated subject to some fixed moderate reserved payment, either in money or in grain, s might be demanded, to arise out of the first ten or fifteen years of occupation. They add Ihat, ' they are not prepared to do mere than offer this suggestion, whio k appears to them to be worthy of more consideration than it is in their power t lisn!; give to it ; but that in Ihis or in some such mode, Ihey are fully persuaded the land iSi(( thus reserved, ought, without delay, to be permanently disposed of.' PiiWi, In pursuance of this advice. Lord Ripon directed the sale of the crown reservt !'% throughout the province, as opportunity might otYer, precisely in the same manne' il*| as any other part of the royal demesne. The system has undergone an entiri ;»tf change; and the crown reserves considered as distinct allotments, left in their wil state to draw a progressive-increasing value from the improvement of the vicinitj have no longer any existence Mifeihe ( OF CANADA. 873 Seventhly. Another abuse connected with the wild lands or Lower Canada was hiiiri'd by the conmiittcc, in ihc following language : — ' One of ibc obstacles .li h is said j^rcaliy to impcJe the improvenipnl of the country, is the pracliccof ' :)g grants of land in large masses to individuals, who had held (illicial situa- in the colony, and who had evaded the condilions of llie grant by which Ihey liound lo provide for its cullivalinn, and now wholly neglect it. Although nwors have been lately acquired by the goveinmenl to estreat those lands, and 111 ui;h we think that, under certain niodilicalioiis, this power may be advanta- ■ u^ly used, we are nevertheless of opinion thai a system should be adopted 111 il n lolhatof Upper Canada, by the levy of a small annual duly on lands remaining proved and unoccupied conlrary to the condilions of the grant.' Il- remedial measure of a tax on wild land, which is suggested in the preceding i::e, could, of course, originate only with (he representalivcs of the people, ilie house of assembly have not indicated any disposition to resort to that mode .;ition. To such a bill, if tendered by them, his Majesty's assent would have rheerfnlly given. Yet the King's government did not omit lo avail themselves 1 those remedial powers with which Ihe Crown is entrusted. It is little to hough il may be slated with the strictest truth), Ihat since the date of the t, the system reprobated by the committee, of granting land in large masses iividuals, has been entirely discontinued. It is more material to add, that II- ' iiange in practice is the result of a scries of regulations established, on Lord ill 'h's advice, in Lower Canada, and indeed Ihroughout all the other British iiies. The system of gratuitous donations of land has been abandoned abso- ) and universally; and during the last three years all such property has been -|insed of by public auctions to llie highest bidder, at such a minimum price as iMisure the public at large against the waste of this resource by nominal or iiiious sales. This is not the occasion for vindicating the soundness of that !ii y, which, lioaever, if necessary, it would not be hard lo vindicate. Il is illirienl for the immediate purpose of Ibis minute lo have shown, Ihat on this as I iillier topics, the ministers of the Crown did not confine themselves lo a servile rcncc to the mere letter of the parliamentary recommendation, but embraced jave the fullest effect lo its genuine spirit. uhlhly. The committee sought lo relieve the province not only from the evils : iprovidenl reservations and grants of wild lands, but from those incident to the res on which the cultivated districts are holden. The following passages on Mibjecl appear in their report : — ' They do not decline lo offer as their opi- 1, Ihat il would be advantageous, that the declaratory enactment in the Tenures respecting lands held in free and common soccage, should be retained.' imir committee are further of opinion that means should be found of bringing lo effective operation the clause in Ihc Tenures Act, which provides for the 'ation of tenure : and they entertain no doubt of the inexpediency of retaining igneurial rights of the crown, in the hope of deriving a profit from them. s.acriDce on Ihe part of the crown would be trifling, and would bear no propor- to the benefllthal would result lo Ihe colony from such a concession.' ' The Miinillee cannot too strongly express their opinion, that the Canadians of French I Taction should in no degree be disturbed in the peaceful enjoyment of their iiligion, laws, and privileges, as secured to them by the British acts of parliament; iJiid so far from requiring them to hold lands on the British tenure, they think Ihat ,lii jben the lands in the seigneuries are fully occupied, if the descendants of the ,(r liginal settlers shall still retain their preference to the tenure ofjlefet seigrieinic, (lai ey see no objection to other portions of inoccupied lands in the province being anted to them on that tenure, provided that such lands are apart from, and not (5(ij lermixed wilh, Ihe townships.' The British government arc again entitled to claim the credit of having, lo the (jj fmost possible extent, regulated their conduct by the language, and still more by jifi le spirit of this advice. I No application has been made for the creation of a new seigneurie, as indeed e period contemplated by the commiltee, when Ihe scigneurial lands would be 874 THE BUBBLES fully occupied, still seems very remote. It is almost superfluous to add, that no irf' attempt has been made to superinduce upon those lands any of the rules of the law ifs" of England. f pri The crown also has been prompt to bring into the most effective operation the i *''' clause of the Canada Tenures Act which provides for the mutation of tenures. r.\M But no lord or censitaire having hitherto invoked the exercise of the powers of I'!™ the Crown, they have of necessity continued dormant. Respecting the soccage 'Silf lands, some explanation seems necessary. [i;[ The general principle adopted by the committee in the passage already quoted, yuiol is that the inhabitants, both of French and of British origin, should respectively be itliM left in the enjoyment of the law regulating the tenures of their lands derived from- iiim* their different ancestors, and endeared to either party, by habit, if not by national Soiisiill prejudices. It has already been shown that the French Canadians have enjoyed -wM the benefit of this principle to the fullest possible extent. In the anxiety whiCh. iiiw.lliti has been fell to gratify their wishes, it may not be quite clear that equal justice ht^ jireas been rendered to the inhabitants of British descent. The maintenance of so much jjulolsli of the Canada Tenures Act as rendered the soccage lands inheritable and transmis>> !iIh1jmI sible according to English law, was most unequivocally recommended in the extracts i iirfsa already made from the report. The provincial legislature, however, in their,' IWli session of 1829, made provision for the conveyance of such lands in a manner 11 bW, ft repugnant to this Briiish statute. Of course his IMajesty could not be advised to }flirJii( assent to a law which directly contravened an act of parliament. Such, however,, jijfcpwi was the anxiety of the King's ministers to avoid every needless cause of jealousy, liMfcl that a bill (1 VV. IV, c. 20) was introduced into parliament by Lord Ripon, and • «iiiie passed into a law, in order to relieve his Majesty from this difficulty. The Cana- , ''Am dian Act was then accepted. Nor was this all. Striving to multiply, !o the Wv, utmost possible extent, every proof and expression of respect andconfldence towards 1 lipay the provincial legislature, the government introduced into the British statute, which li. lei has been last mentioned, a further enactment, of which the effect was to ab- icIk solve the Canadian legislature in future from every restraint laid upon them iMe by any act of parliament regulating the various incidents of the soccage tenure ir 1 kIj the province. The barriers erected for the defence of the British settlers by Ihi 1 [«! caution of parliament in the years 1791 and 1826 were thus overthrown, in orde) I sivjj , that there might be the fewest possible exceptions to the principle of confiding U \.:,.\\k\i the Canadian legislature, the regulations of the internal interests of Lower Canada 1 fmi No one will deny that this unsolicited concession was made in the spirit of lb . ujj most large and liberal acceptance of the advice of the Canada committee, so far a .'Bijiid least as the views and interests of the dominant majority of the house of asserabl iijjinfn are concerned. i,;p,j. Ninthly. The next is the subject of the Jesuits' estates ; in reference to whicl (!„,i|,(( the views of the committee of 1828 are expressed as follows:^' With respect t ^ i,|,|, the estates which formerly belonged to the Jesuits, your committee lament that the > ^j have not more full information. But it appears to them to be desirable that th ;,: , |,| proceeds should be applied to the purposes of general education. r ,, ^| Far indeed beyond the letter of this advice did the concessions made by his Ma jesty, on the advice of Lord Ripon, proceed. Not only were the Jesuits' estate ' applied to the purposes of general education,' but the provincial legislature wei authorised to determine what speciflc purposes of that kind should be prclerret and the proceeds of the estates were placed for that purpose unreservedly und( their control. No suggestion has been made impeaching the fulness of this conce sion, except as far as respects certain buildings occupied for half a century past; barracks. Even if a rent should be payable by the Crown for the use of those bai racks (the single question admitting of debate), it would be idle, on that groum to deny either the importance of the concession made, or the almost unbound< confidence in the house of assembly, perceptible in the form and manner in whi« the crown renounced to them, not merely a proprietary right, but even an adm nistrative function. Tenthly. To the positive recommendations which have already been considerck %&', (■; OF CANADA. 3T9 >;ncceeds another, of which Ihe end is rather to dissuade than to advise the adop- 'ion or any specific measure. 'The conimillee (it is said) arc desirous ol' record- ng the priiiiiple wiiicii. in (heir jndKmenl. should be applied to any alterations in ihe conslihilions of IheCanadas, ^^hich were Imparled to Ihcui under the formal iicl of the Hrilish legislature of 1791. That principle is to limit the alterations ivhich it may be desirable to maiic, by any future British Acts, as far as possible, 11 such points as, from the relation between the mother country and tlie Cunadas, ail only be disposed of by the paramount authority of the British legislature, and luy arc of opinion that all other changes should, if possible, be carried into effect \\ the local legislature themselves, in amicable communications with the local go- iiimient. So rigidly has this principle been observed, that of two acts of parliament which, iiue 1821, have been passed with reference to the internal concerns of the pro- iiue, the common object has been so to enlarge the authority of the provincial le- (islature as to enable his Majesty to make, with their concurrence, laws to the enact- 'ii'Mit of which they were positively incompetent. The acts in question are those ilicidy noticed, by which the revenues of (ieo. 111. were relinquished, and the regu- aiion of soccage tenures was transferred to the governor, council, and assembly. tieventhly. ' The committee' (again lo borrow their ow n words) ' rccom- iiended, for the future, that steps should be taken byolTicial securities, and by a viziilar audit of accounts, to prevent the recurrence of losses and inconveniences the province, similar lo those which had occurred in Mr. Caldwell's case,' and as connected with this branch of the enquiry, they recommended that precautions ')f the same nature should be adopted with regard to the sheriffs.' lu reference to these suggestions, Sir George Murray proposed to the house of issembly, and Lord Ripon repeated the proposal, that the public accountants hould pay their balances, at very short intervals, into the hands of thecommissary- feneral, tendering the security of the British treasury for the punctual re-payment if all such deposits. The scheme embraced a plan for a regular audit, and for the lunctual demand of adequatesecurities. Sir .lames Kempt and Lord Aylmer were ui cessively instructed to propose to the legislative council and assembly theenact- nentof such a law. The proposal was accordingly made to the assembly in the • ear 1829, and was repealed in the year 1832. On each occasion it was the plea- lure of the house to pass it by in silence. That they had good reasons for their con- luct, it would be unjust and indecorous to doubt. Those reasons, however, re- 'nain to this moment completely unknown to the executive government, who, hav- ■ng exhausted all their authority and influence in a fruitless attempt to give effect to his part of the Canada committee's recommendations, cannot, with any reason, be leld responsible if they still have failed to produce the advantage contemplated to :he province at large.* Twelflhly. A further recommendation of the committee is conveyed in the re- iiort, in the following terms : ' Your committee also beg leave to call the particular ittention of the government to the mode in which juries are composed in the lanadas, with a view to remedy any defects that may be found to exist in the iresent system.' Here, again, the government pressed upon the house of assembly the import- iice of giving effect to the views of the committee ; and, in fact, a law has re- lived the royal assent, having for its object the improvement of the jury system —an object which has been pursued by those methods which the house of assem- 'iy themselTes devised or adopted. ' The executive f;overnment have not, however, abstained from such measures as were \iiliin their own power. They ha\e established a tire-proof vault, with three keys, held ly three separate oflicers of hish rank, all of whom mu.st be present whenever it is opened ; md they have provided that the receiver general shall not hold in his hands any balance vreediiig £'lt),000 without depositing it in this vault; and that once at least in every year contents of the vault shall be insiierted, or reported on, by five persons named by the trrnor for the purpose. They have also taken security from the receiver-general to the xtentof /lO.OOt), with two .sulhcient sureties, and liave required him to render statements ■f his accounts on the 1st January, 1st July, and Ist October, in every year. 376 THE BUBBLES 1 Thirteenthly. The report proceeds to recommend, * that the prayer of the Lower Canadians for permission to appoint an agent, in the samemanner as agents are appointed by other colonies which possess local legislatures, should be granted.' His ^Majesty's government have accordingly repeatedly authorised the governor to assent to any bill which might be passed for that purpose. INo such bill has, however, been presented for Lord Aylmer's acceptance. The assembly, in op- position to the advice of the committee, that the habits of other colonies should be i,(|i( followed as a precedent, have chosen to nominate, by resolutions of that house alone, gentlemen deputed to represent them in this liingdom, but who have not, "I as in other colonies possessing legislative assemblies, been appointed by an act of : • 0' the entire legislature. ,nt Fourteenthly. Cpon the most careful perusal of the report of 1828, no other j,, recommendations can be found addressed to the King's government, although the committee, addressing themselves in that instance rather to the local legislature, ;" bave advised that mortgages should be special, and that in proceedings for the con- -.-jto veyance of lands, the simplest and least expensive forms of conveyance should ,jj be adopted, upon the principles of the law of England; that form which prevails in Upper Canada, being probably, under all circumstances, the best which could ''S be selected; and that the registration of deeds relating to soccage lands, should be established as in Upper Canada. 'In addition, ' it is added, ' to these recom- mendations, it appears to be desirable that some competent jurisdiction should be ^rii established, to try and decide causes arising out of this description of property;' « (that is the soccage lands) ' and that circuit courts should be instituted within the ; fide townships for the same purposes.' i ' tl:ii In these passages the design of the committee was to administer to the relief mi» of the settlers of English origin, and their claims were pressed by Sir George '^ 1 Murray, on the attention of the assembly. Some advance has been accordingly aieri made towards the establishment of a registry of deeds, and of local courts in the nes townships. Respecting the law of mortgages, and the forms of conveyancing, it ..-ji'M does not appear that the assembly have hitherto interposed for the relief of that!|!B!lti)ii( part of the constituent body. I kri Concluding at this point the comparison between the advice tendered to the go-HjitaeDl vernment, and the measures adopted in pursuance of it, it may be confidently, asserted, that the general statement made at the commencement of this minute has been substantiated. To the utmost limit of their constitutional power and i legitimate influence successive administrations have earnestly and successively! laboured to carry the report of 18-28 into complete effect in all its parts. It has'f ^tao already been shewn with how cordial an acquiescence that report was received by the house of assembly, with what liberal eulogies the talent, the patriotism, the knowledge, and intimate acquaintance with Canadian affairs, of its authors, were commanded ; how that document was hailed as the faithful interpretation of the wishes and wants of the Canadian people ; and how the British government were called upon by the house of assembly to look to that report as their guide in reme- dying existing grievances, and obviating difficulties for the future. That this gyide should have been studiously followed, that its suggestions should have beeu'l^''^''' invariably construed and enforced, with no servile adherence to the letter, but in » f the most liberal acceptance of its prevailing spirit, and yet that such efforts should have been unavailing to produce the expected conciliation, may well justify the deepest regret and disappointment. (Signed) Abfideex. The perusal of this triumphant document naturally suggests two I reflections ; first, that the faithful execution of the recommendations )| of the committee is much more entitled to our approbation than the recommendations themselves ; and, secondly, that the Canadian as- I sembly were not to be satisfied with any concession whatever, short of independence. f Mm. Itmiiiie OF CANADA. 377 LETTER IX. I As the memorials addressed to government by the English and French parties were at variance in every material point, a com- mission of enquiry, of which the governor, Lord Gosford, was head, ivas sent out to Canada in 1835. Whether this commission was accessary or not, is a matter with whicli I have nothing t(» do; I merely mention the fact as iUnstrative of the earnest desire that t jxisted to compose these unfortunate dilTiculties, and to ascertain on !the spot how much of concession could be made, consistently with .•etaining the sovereignty of the country. Tiic commissionners were cold, I * Your invesUnations will have for Iheir common object llie advancement of the velfare and prosperity of Lower Canada by all mclhods compatible with the inte- : i;rilyof the empire, and with the authoii'.y of the King as supreme in all parts of the British dominions. ' You will ever bear in mind that you ar;' sent on a mission of peace and con- ilialion. You will therefore proceed in a spirit not of distrust, but of confidence; emembering that much of your success will depend, nol only on the zeal, ability, i.nd fairness of yotir enquiries, but also on your perfect separation from all local nd parly disputes, and on the unquestionable fr:;nkness c.nd impartiality of your en.THl conduct. ' You v,-.\\ observe, thai the legislature of Lower Canada must idtimateiy be the nstrument through which any beneGls resulting frcm your mission must, to a very reat extent, be accomplished. His Majesty disclaims the intention of provoking : iny unnecessary pa liamentary interference in the internal afifairs of the province. j To mediate between adverse parlies, with an entire respect for the conslKutional lights common to them all, is the high odice appropriate to his royal station, and 4is function the King, aided by your enquiries and advice, is anxious on Ihepre- nl occasion to perform.' The governor was told by Lord Glenelg, 'Your lordship therefore proceeds to Canada to advocate no British interest, nil to secure no selfish ends. To maintain the peace and in'egrity of the empire, Qd to mediate between contending parlies, by whom those blessings have been ^n- ' angered, is the high and honourable trust confided to you.' Every thing that w^as tangible in the celebrated ninety-two rc- Dltitions, was put into shape, and separately commented upon for is guidance. 1. It is alleged, observes his Lordship, that the patronage of his fnjesty's government in Lower Canada has been exercised in such a tanner as to exclude the Canadians of French descent, not only from lie larger number, but from all the more lucrative and honourable ,' the public employments in their native country.* • Had his Lordship thought proper to have entered into particulars, he iiii?lit have mpiled the following table, to show how utterly false this accusation was. He might ({tttrence liiJIajf'tJ M 378 THE BUBBLES The abuse of patronage is said to extend still further ; some persons are represented as having been preferred to ofTices, in performing the duties of which they are unable to communicate, except through an "■""'" .'^ interpreter, with the great body of those with whom their aflairs ar to be transacted. Other successful candidates for office are re presented as persons who have made themselves justly offensive to: the house of assembly; while, on the other hand, employments created at the instance of that house with a view to public im- r"'',^ provements, have, it is alleged, been studiously denied to those whom the governor had reason to believe would be most acceptable to th assembly. It would be scarcely possible to find any terms more emphatic tha those employed by the Earl of Ripon, to enjoin the utmost impar4 tiahty in the distribution of public offices in Lower Canada, without ' K'™^' reference to national or political distinctions, or to any considerationj| except that of superior capacity and fitness for the trust. I adop^ my predecessor's instructions in their fullest extent; I concur witl^liwif^'' him in thinking that personal merit and skill, or knowledge, quali- fying a candidate for the vacant trust, are the chief circumstances t which the governor of the province must have regard; and that i the distribution of offices, it is impossible to adhere with any minut exactness to the rule which the numerical proportion subsisting b tween the two races might afibrd. But your lordship will remembe that between persons ofequal or not very dissimilar pretensions, it may (wn ofsi be fit that the choice should be made in such a manner as in some de- ifai an; 1 gree to satisfy ;the claims which the French inhabitants may reason- myeiilire ably urge to be placed in the enjoyment of an equal share of the royal W.\4k favour. There are occasions also on which the increased satisfaction (''if ioti; of the public at large with an appointment, might amply atone for n -listi some inferiority in the qualifications of the persons selected. To -• ntl iO III? ^ dftof ml also have stated tlmt the appointaients contained in this table were made under every pos- sible disadvantage, in consequence of the avowed hostility of the French to the govern- ment and institutions of the English, and also from the extreme difficulty of finding persons iiii]|(] [jg ■ among them competent to discharge the duties assigned to them, and might have illustrated ,. , the last assertion by reference to the fact, i/mt out of two grand juries at this titne at ],«^\wUl Montreal, only one person was found that could write his name. Of the last sevet l| ]||jj i hundred and thirty-eight appointments the proportion stood thus — '. Of French origin ... 557 '-'^mvA Of British and Foreign . . 181 ' lil lu 738 MtojDvo litie, Of French origin appointed : — To Legislative Council 18 To Executive Council . 5 To other olfices of profit . 29 [having held in all 35 offices 'Ne,iH| 52 persons. , „, ,„„ . Of British or Foreign appointed:— . l:'™*?ril To the Legislative Council 1 11 » "■WlirWdtl To the Executive . . 8 ,\ '"'' To other offices . . 18 [having held in all 22 offices. ' * (Omple 37 persons. fl OF CANADA. 879 ake the most effectual security in his Majesty's power against the ecurrcnce of any abuse in the exercise of tliis part of liis delegate uthority in Lower Canada, the King is pleased to command that, n anticipation of any vacancies vhich may occur in the higher of- ices in that province, and especially in all judicial ofTices, your lord- ihip should from time to time transmit to the Secretary of State, for lis Majesty's consideration, the names of any gentlemen resident in jQwer Canada, whom you may think best (pialified to perform such rusts with advantage to the public. His Majesty proposes to autho- ize the nomination, as opportunity may occur, of the persons so to >e submitted lor his choice, having regard to such representations IS he may receive from your lordship, or from any other adequate luthorities respecting the competency of such persons to the public lervice. His Majesty is further pleased to direct that all olTices in 1 he gift of the king, of which the emolument shall amount to or ex- > eed 200/. per annum, shall be granted under the public seal of the t )rovince, in persuance of warrants to be issued by his Majesty for I ihat purpose ; and that, except when the successful candidate shall I lave been previously approved by his Majesty in the manner already i nentioned", he should be informed that his appointment is strictly J irovisional, untilhis Majesty's pleasure could beknown. Thecontrol } vhich it is thus proposed to establish over the hitherto unlimited ( )Owers of the governor, is not designed and will not be used as a I means of securing to his Majesty's confidential advisers in this king- ( lom any beneficial patronage whatever. I have already expressed 1 ny entire approbation of the system hitherto observed, of consider- ] ng public employments in Lower Canada as properly appropriate ) 10 the inhabitants of the province. Without giving a pledge against I my deviation from that rule in any solitary case (for such pledge I might in the event prove embarrassing to all parties, and prejudicial ■ >o the welfare of the province), I can yet have no ditTiculty in I iicknowledging the rule as a general maxim from which no departure 1 nhould be admitted, unless on grounds so peculiar as plainly to jus- 1 tify the exception. » It has also been represented that in some cases the same individual s charged with numerous offices of whiclj the duties are incompa- ^ble, either by creating a larger demand on the time of the officer ihan any one man is able to meet, or by placing him in situations of ^hich the appropriate functions clash and interfere with each other. [From the generality of the terms in which this complaint has been made, it has not been in my power to ascertain the extent or reality )f this grievance ; but in whatever degree it may be found to exist, tour lordship will understand that his Majesty expects that it should )e completely remedied : that all persons occupying any such in- compatible employments should be called upon to renounce such as litis 380 THE BUBBLES .| they cannot efficiently execute ; and that in future the general rule must be, that no person should be entrusted with any office of which ' ■"" he cannot discharge the proper duties with due punctuality and me- ' thod in his own person. *" 2. Complaint is made of an unjust partiality in favour of the use |*' of the English language in all official acts. The foundation of thisf '\^ complaint appears to be, that thirteen years ago a bill for the unioft i ji""" of the two Canadas was brought into Parliament by the then govern- ment, which, had it passed into a law, would have made English the single official language of both. I have no motive for defending a scheme which was rejected by the House of Commons. A case ig also said to have occurred at the distance of about eleven years since, ''"'""' in Avhich the judges refused to entertain an action, because some •*'''* '" part of the proceedings had been written in the French language. , jWil"! This is admitted to be an isolated case; and it is acknowledged that 'ffse. neither in the courts of law nor in the legislature is any preference ' lirt' of one language over the other really shewn. I therefore do not •^i*'*'?' find any grievance on this subject susceptible of a remedy ; nor is it *!' in my power to strengthen the injunctions of Lord Ripon, on the »l'^lh improiiriety of any such preference of the English over the French ' i Aci tongue. As, however, the complaint has been again urged by the ) fi'M house of assembly, your lordship will take the'earliest opportunity iW 01 assuring them, that his Majesty disapproves, and is desirous to *te discourage and prevent to the utmost of his power, the adoption of 1*6) any practice which would deprive cither class of his subjects of the \ 'fiD use in their official acts of that tongue with which early habits and education may have rendered them most familiar. Your lordship will signify your willingness to assent to any law which may give, both to the French and the English inhabitants, the most ample se- curity against any such prejudice. 3. Reference has been made to certain rules of court made by the judges, of which the earliest has been in force for thirty-four years, and the latest for nineteen ; and which are said to be illegal; and even to amount to a violation of the faith of treaties, and of the pledges of the King and parliament. It is admitted, that until the year 1834, those rules had been followed, without any complaint having been preferred to his Majesty's government: I can, indeed, undertake to say, that until the fact was stated in evidence before the Canada committee of last year, the existence of such rules was alto- gether unknown in this country. Here, as on so many other topics, I am compelled to revert to the instructions of the Earl of Ripon, and to instruct your lordship to renew the proposal which he autho- . rized Lord Aylmer to make to the provincial legislature, that a com- I mission should be appointed to revise any rules of court made by the J udges ; and that on the report of such a commission, all such rules ' Jl! mm; OF CANADA. 381 as are either contrary to law or inexpedient should be revoked. I am not loss solicitous than my predecessor, that such an inquiry should 1)0 made to emliraco all tlio practice ;;nd procoodiniis of the sii|)orior ■nhunals, with a view to rendering thom more |)romptan(l niotliodi- ■al, and loss expensive. If the house of assembly should think that those objects can be better ed'ected by any other method than that of 1 commission of inquiry, you will concur with them in carrying it iito ellect. 4. It is said that exorbitant fees have been exacted in some public ilhces. I have met with no proof or illustration of this statement. Vou will, however, acfjuaint the house of assembly that his Majesty will be happy to concur with them in the revision of the fees of every ifhcc in the province without exception, and in the appointment, should they think it expedient, of a commission of inquiry for the nirpose. His Majesty has no wish on the subject, but that the re- muneration of all public oflicers, from the highest to the lowest, should be so regulated as to provide for the etFicient discharge of the public service; an object which cannot be secured without a fair remunera- iiion to the persons employed by the public. 5. A complaint is made of the practice of calling upon the judges "or extra-judicial opinions on public questions. Here again I know not how to reduce the general statement to any specific form; I can iherefore advance no further than to lay down, for your lordship's guidance, the general rule, that you do not call upon the judges for heir opinion on any question which, by the most remote possibility, nay subsequently come before them for decision. I should scarcely lositate to interdict the practice of consulting them, altogether and ,.vithout a solitary exception, if I did not remember that there are oublic contingencies in which the King would, for the common good )f his subjects, be bound to take counsel with his judges. Such cases, lowevor, Avill be exceedingly infrequent, and will arise only upon ,iome of those great emergencies for which it is scarcely possible, or iven desirable, that any definite provision should be made beforehand. To protect the independent exercise of the judicial office, not only i-:ainst just censure, but even against the breath of suspicion, will ')e amongst your constant studies and most anxious endeavours. I 6. Complaint is made of the interference of the government and ihe legislative council in the election of members of the assembly. With this general charge, I can deal only in terms equally general. [f any such practice prevailed, of which however there is no proof J )efore me, your lordship will avoid with the utmost care every ap- |:I .iroach to it. I acknowledge, without any reserve or limitation, the ,[5. .luty of the executive government of Lower Canada to abstain alto- Iji ijether from interference, direct or indirect, in the choice of the re- jlf i)resentatives of the people ; such an encroachment on the principles lesse: 382 THE BUBBLES of the constitution would be unattended even with a plausible pro- " ,° sped of temporary advantage. I earnestly hope that the assembly ^'.^ were misinformed as to the existence of any such practices ; for I am "* well convinced, that it is by very different methods that the legiti- * ' mate authority and influence of the King's government in Canada \ is to be maintained. 7. I have read, not without deep concern, the language in which' ""^ , the house of assembly have spoken, in their ninety-two resolutions, of the conduct of the troops during the elections at Montreal : it is de-' *" . scribed as a sanguinary execution of the citizens by the soldiery,' *' Anxious as I am to conciliate, by all just concessions, the favourabje^ '"' regard of the house, I am bound, by the strict obligations of justice' *'* to the British army, to protest against the application of such language ;*""'' to any part of a body, not less distinguished by their humanity and '" discipline, than by their gallantry. The house had appointed a )'" committee to inquire into those proceedings, and had not received^" the report of the committee when they proceeded to pronounce this * censure on the conduct of his Majesty's troops. The olTicers had , been indicted before a grand jury of the country, and the bills had r ' P' been thrown out for want of evidence. In assuming to themselvesf the power to inquire, the assembly exercised their legitimate privi- lege : in passing a sentence of condemnation pending that inquiry, and in direct opposition to the finding of the proper legal tribunal, they exceeded their proper authority, and acted in opposition to the parliamentary usages of this country. Nor can I receive such an unauthorized expression of opinion with' that deference which it if my duty and inclination to show for every judgment of the house, falling within the appropriate sphere of their deliberation. 8. The assembly further complain that there is no method by which legal demands against the government can be enforced in th( province. In the absence of any distinct proof or illustration of th( fact, I can only express his Majesty's desire that effectual means maj be taken for remedying this alleged defect in the law. 9. The too frequent reservation of bills for the signification of hif Majesty' s pleasure, a nd the delay in communicating the King's decisior* upon them, is a grievance of which my inquiries lead me to believ< the reality. Your lordship will understand that the power of reserv ing bills, granted by the Constitutional Act of 1791, is an extrenw right, to be employed not without much caution, nor except on som« evident necessity. You will also have the goodness to remembe'; the indispensable necessity of transmitting, with the least possibli delay, the transcript of every lawofwhich the operation is suspend- ed, for the signification of the royal pleasure; and of accompanyini every such transcript with such full and minute explanations as ma^ be necessary for rendering the scope and policy of them perfectly '& It I OF CANADA. 383 jintelligible, and for explaining the niolivos by wliich your lordship may have been inlluenced in doiliiiing to give your decision in the jfirst instance. You will pledge his Majesty's government in this Kiountry to the most prompt and respectful attention to every question iaf this nature which may be brought under their notice. 10. My predecessors in oflice are charged with having, on various iccasions, neglected to convey to the house his Majesty's answers to jhe addresses presented to him by that body. Whether this state- ment could be verified by a careful examination of any particular .ases, I am unable to state with certainty; nor on such a subject is ,, it fit to make a conjectural statement. Your lordship w ill, however, ; assure the house, that his Majesty has been pleased to command, in .J! the most unqualified terms, that every communication that either ( branch of the provincial legislature may see fit to make to him, be laid before his Majesty immediately on its arrival in this kingdom, and that his Majesty's answer be conveyed to the province with the utmost possible dispatch. The King cannot, however, forget that ithe delay w hich may occasionally have taken place in making known , in the province his Majesty's decision ui)on reserved bills, or upon , addresses from either house of general assembly, may in some in- ,,f,r stances have been either occasioned or prolonged by circumstances which no promptitude or zeal in his Majesty's service could have obviated ; as, for example, the rigour of the Canadian climate ob- structing, during a certain period of the year, the direct approach to I Quebec and Montreal, and the imperfect nature of the internal com- I jll jmunications through his Majesty's dominions in North America. 11. Much complaint is made of the refusal of information, for which the house of assembly have at dilTerent times applied to the governor of the province. After a careful examination of the proceedings of the latest session in which any such applications were made, 1 have not been able to avoid the conclusion that there is just ground for the com- plaint. I do not perceive that any advantage would arise from enter- ing in this place-into a very exact survey of the communications between the house and the governor respecting the production of pa- pers. It is more useful, with a view to the future, to state the gene- ral principle by which your lordship will be guided. I think, then, that the correspondence between your lordship and the secretary of state cannot be considered as forming part of those documents of which the assembly are entitled to demand, as a matter of course, the un- reserved and universal inspection or perusal. In the ollicial inter- course between his Majesty and his Majesty's representative in the province, conducted as such intercourse necessarily is, through the intervention of the ministers of the crow n, much confidential commu- nication must necessarily occur. Many questions require to be debated 384 THE BUBBLES I d copiously, and in all the various lights in which they may present themselves to the governor or to the secretary of state: and in such a correspondence it is necessary to anticipate emergencies which *'"'''' eventually do not occur, to reason upon hypothetical statements, and '■■* even to advert to the conduct and qualifications for particular em- '^P' ployments of particular individuals. It would be plainly impossible, s"'''!' to conduct any public affairs of this nature, except on such terms of i*'*' free and unrestrained intercourse. It is no less plainly impossible to '^^' give general publicity to such communications, without needless in- *" jury to the feehngs of various persons, and constant impediment to the i^'" public service. A rule which should entitle a popular assembly to i*''' call for and make public all the despatches passing between the King's -W government and his Majesty's local representative, would so obstruci *!' the administration of public atfairs, as to produce mischiefs far out- I'ipl weighing the utmost possible advantage of the practice. ) iistfe In the same manner, there will occasionally be communications, ic l'^^ their own nature confidential, between the governor and many of hi{ i *% subordinate officers, which should also be protected from genera}^;*'''!'' publicity. But though I think it right to make this general reservation againstfAs the unlimited production of all public documents, I am ready to ac-* knowledge that the restriction itself may admit and even require; many exceptions ; and that in the exercise of a careful discretion, thf governor, as often as he shall judge it conducive to the general gooc of the province, may communicate to either branch of the legislaturt any part of his official correspondence, such only excepted as maj J«Aia" have been expressly declared or manifestly designed, by the secretari of state, to be confidential. : But I am not aware of any other document connected with the publiii affairs of the province, the concealment of which from the assembly would be really useful or justifiable: especially whatever relates t' the revenue and expenditure in all their branches, or to the statistic of the province, should be at once and cheerfully communicated t them. For example, it will be desirable to make to the two house such a communication of the blue books, or annual statistical returns which are compiled for the use of this department ; and your lordshi will solicit the assistance of the two houses of the local legislature in rendering those returns as accurate and as comprehensive as pot sible. In short, the general rule must be that of entire freedor from reserve. The particular exception, as it arises, must be vin dicated by the terms of the preceding instructions, or by some ex planation sufficient to show that secrecy was demanded, not for th protection of any private interest, but for the well-being of the pro" vince at large. In every case in which the production of any papei % (feliti ii|etiij tiki iiiii |;n iii OF CANADA. :J83 ,n answer to any address of cither house, may bo refused, your lord- phip will immediately transmit to this oITice a statement of the case, i^ilh an explanation of the grounds of your decision, i 12. The occupation as a barrack of the buildings which anciently jffere part of the Jesuits' college, is strongly reprobated by the as- ijembly. I can only remark that this exception from the general transfer of the Jesuits' estates to their disposal, was made and vin- dicated by Lord Ripon on a ground which has rather acquirod a new /orce, than lost any of its original weight. After an occupation of i;hose buildings for this purpose, for much more than half a century »;here has accrued to the Grown a prescriptive title, of which, however, riis Majesty has never sought to avail himself. The King is, on the •contrary, anxious that the buildings should bo restored, as promptly •IS possible, to their original use ; nor w ill that measure be delayed for I single day, after other and adequate provision shall have been made V»r the accommodation of the troops ; but it is needless to remark that lis Majesty has no funds at his disposal for that purpose. The pre- ssed transfer of all the sources of local revenue to the house of as- iombly has deprived the King of the means of providing for this or any Mil! similar service. It must rest, therefore, with the house to erect or pur- toi! ^;hase other barracks sufficiently commodious for the garrison, upon eijuii which the board of ordnance will immediately issue the necessarv in- in.tl structions for evacuating the buildings at present occupied for that \m ipurpose. ilatii I 13. The lease of the forges of St. Maurice to Mr. Bell has been isBii Smade, and is now irrevocable. I do not conceal my regret, that this rttai (property was not disposed of by public auction to the highest bidder. Whatever arrangements may bo hereafter settled respecting the terri- ipyll -torial revenue, it will be necessary to prevent the granting of any crown jfinlj property on lease in the same manner by private contract, and more atfji ^especially when the contractor is a member of the legislative council. jjisljtj 14. Impediments are said to have been needlessly raised to the jtedi .endowment of colleges by benevolent persons. I fear it is not to be yji .denied, that some unnecessary delay in deciding upon bills reserved jlyfjifor his Majesty's consideration, having such endowments for their ,fj,|j pbject, did occur : a delay chiefly attributable to political o\ents and .|j[iiiiithe consequent changes of the colonial administration in this king- jjpjjidom, I have no wish to withhold a frank acknowledgment of error, jpjijdiiwhen really due, to the house of assembly, because 1 am persuaded u,ij.that in that frankness they will perceive the host assurance of the .^.sincerity with which, on behalf of the ministers of tho crown, a fijftbiipledge is given for the more prompt and exact attention hereafter I nfj.to every measure which has for its object the institution in the pro- pgVince of any colleges or schools for the advancement of Christian knowledge or sound learning. 25 386 THE BUBBLES f 15. On the subject of the clergy reserves, of which complaint is ; id'l'^'' still made, the arrangements proposed by Lord Ripon leave his Ma- d!"''' jesty nothing further to concede. The whole question has been re- 1 llt'*"^ ferred to the decision of the provincial legislature. To obviate mis- 1 iifW' conceptions, the draft of a bill for the adjustment of the claims of all r fdiotj" parties was framed under his lordship's direction, and brought into !ii«f''f the house of assembly. Anticipating the possibility that this bill might «i si)' undergo amendments in its progress through the two houses, mate-i Iftwi' rially affecting its character, Lord Ripon had instructed the governor, I" 1" in that event, not to refuse his assent, but to reserve the bill for the iliki signification of his Majesty's pleasure. The loss of the bill is, how-MinHnw ever, ascribed to the solicitor-general having, in his place in thel. iipf!^ house, stated that no amendment would be permitted. The solicitor- 'tt'" general's expressions may have been misunderstood ; but if this wa» • ilnS! their purport, not only was the statement unauthorised, but directly I mltiitiD^ at variance with the spirit of the instructions of the home govern-? Uieplac ment. I much regret the misapprehension, in whatever cause it may wfJIr have originated. It may perhaps be ascribed to the fact, that Lord iffilli Aylmer did not think himself at liberty to produce to the house the mi Earl of Ripon's despatches on the subject. Your lordship will im- - illioosi mediately communicate copies of them, inviting the council and as- iMo% sembly to resume the consideration of the question, upon the terras ^iliasa of Lord Ripon's proposal, to every part of which they may be assured itdsi of his Majesty's continued adherence. jlii 16. Lord Aylmer's refusal to issue a writ for the election of a new member of the assembly, upon the declaration of the house that M. Mondelet's seat had become vacant, is condemned by that body as a violation of their rights. The question has lost much, if not all, a its practical importance since the passing of the recent law for vacat- ing the seats of members accepting places of emolument undei the crown. Still, in justice to Lord Aylmer, I am bound to af mmn firm the accuracy of the distinction in reference to which he ap -¥•; pears to have acted. In cases where the vacancy of a seat may consistently with existing usages, be notified by the house to the go vernor without assigning the cause, he is bound to presume that th adjudication of the housp is right, and must carry it into effect by is suing a new writ. But in cases where usage requires that in th notification to the governor the cause", of vacancies should be stated c|!te|i then, if the cause alleged be insufficient in point of law, the gover ( ■r,,| nor is not at liberty to comply with the request of the house. Th In concurrence of the governor and the house in any measure, cannc render it legal, if it be prohibited by the law of the land. To ths rule obedience is emphatically due by those to whom the constitutio has assigned the high functions of legislation and of executive govern j ,, ment. If, therefore, Lord Aylmer rightly judged that M. Mondelet' j ^. tw\ m OP CANADA. 887 eat had not been lawfully vacated, his lordship adhered to the strict lie of duly in declining to issue the writ for which the house applied, f he entertained a serious and honest doubt on the subject, his lord- iiip was bound to pause until that doubt could be removed by coin- etent judicial authority. The subsequent introduction by statute of law for vacating seats in such cases as that of M. Mondelet's, would eem sutTiciently to establish that his acceptance of oiTice was not )llowed by that legal consequence. 17. I now approach the case of Sir John Caldwell. It is a subject . hich has uniformly excited the deepest regret of my predecessors ; nd I need hardly add, that I partake largely of that feeling. Ilis lajesty's government have offered to the province every reparation hich it has been in their power to make, for the original error of Mowing monies to accumulate in the hands of a public officer, with- ut taking full securities for the faithful discharge of his trust: they ave placed at the disposal of the assembly whatever could be re- overed from Sir John Caldwell, or from his sureties ; and your lord- liip will now, on the terms to which I have referred in my accom- " lanying despatch, be authorized to surrender to the appropriation of I! ■ 4iat house, the only funds by which his Majesty could have contri- uted towards making good the defalcation. Every practical sugges- on has also been made to the assembly, for preventing the recur- .^nce of similar losses. Nothing, in short, has been left undone, or t least unatlempted, to mitigate the evil which the inadequacy of the ^curities taken from Sir John Caldwell, and the accumulations of ublic money in his hands, occasioned. Perhaps the legal proceed- igs against his property might be carried on with greater activity ndetfect ; and if so, your lordship will lend your aid with the utmost roraptitude to that object. It is, indeed, much to be lamented, that )r so many years together, on such a case as this, the law should ave proved inadequate to secure for the public such property as was lif i |i the possession of the defaulter, or his securities, at the time of his t J|i8olvency. Itifl i I feel, however, that incomplete justice has hitherto been rendered ' the people of Lower Canada, in Sir John Caldwell's case. That ^ntleman has been permitted to retain his seat at the legislative •uncil, and still holds that conspicuous station. Whatever sympathy may be disposed to feel for individual misfortune, and in whatever gree the lapse of years may have abated those feelings of just indig- ition which were provoked by the first intelligence of so gross a "each of the public trust, I cannot in the calm and deliberate ad- linistration of justice, hesitate to conclude that it is not fitting that ir John Caldwell should retain a seat in the legislature of Lower anada : his continuance in that position, and his management and i)parent possession of the estates which formerly l)elonged to him I I stall a 388 THE BUBBLES 1| in his own right, must exhibit to tlie people at large an example but 0i too justly offensive to public feeling. Your lordship will cause it to ifjvs be intimated to Sir John Caldwell, that the King expects the imme- ^(j, diate resignation of his otTice of legislative councillor; and that in „|feil the event of the failure of that reasonable expectation, his Majesty 0^ will be compelled, however reluctantly, to resort to other and more ,01 painful methods of vindicating the government of the province against j^/ I the reproach of indifference to a diversion of public money from its luisii legitimate use to the private ends of the accountant. I am not aware that there remains a single topic of complaint , *' unnoticed, either in the preceding pages or in my accompanying j* ''J instructions to your lordship and your fellow commissioners. It has' jiimii been my endeavour to meet each successive topic distinctly and cir-i jjiiiiii cumstantially, neither evading any of the difficulties of the case, norl 'f*'" shrinking from the acknowledgment of any error which may be dis- ,, covered in the administration of affairs so various and complicated, ^^^^^^i^^^ I dismiss the subject for the present, with the expression of my earnest hope that his Majesty's efforts to terminate these dissensions may be i, met by all parties in the spirit of corresponding frankness and good-' y will ; assured tbat, in that case, his Majesty will not be disappointed in that which is the single object of his policy on this subject — the niesai prosperity of Canada, as an integral and highly important member ofi ««eM the British empire. LETTER X. The arrival of the Commissioners of Inquiry in Canada put an end to all further prospect of grievances, and at once damped the hopes and awakened the anger of the disaffected. The very act of in- vestigating the complaints which they themselves had preferred waf made a subject of invective; the commission was denounced as ai insult to the assembly, whose voice alone should be heard, and whos( decisions neither admitted of question by the council nor by th( government. Knowing that the instructions given to the commis- sioners were of the most conciliatory description, that every chang* would be effected that they had desired, and that, by their own show ing, they would be compelled to be tranquil, they promptly changei their ground, abandoned the untenable local topics, and boldly at tacked the constitution. The m-^sk was now thrown off, and repub licanism openly avowed as their object. That this developmen was prematurely hastened by the unexpected and immediate con cession of their requests, and their object disclosed sooner thai !«»loliOIl OP CANADA. 3B9 hey had intonilod, is ovidont from their address to tlio governor, so ateiy as in 1831, whom it was their interest an;l intention to de- eive. Early in that year they said to liim, ' It will be our earnest esire that harmony may prevail among the several branches of the sgislature, that full elTect may be given to the constitution as esta- blished by law, and that it may be Iransm'iilcd un'inijtatred to j^oste- ity.' Now dillerent language was held, and that there might be lO mistake, Mr. Papineau said : 'The people of Ihis province were now merely preparing themselves for a future (ate of political existence, which he trusted would be neither a monarchy nor an ristocracy. He hoped Providence had not in view for his country a feature so dark s that it should be the means of planting royalty in America, near a country so rand as the United Stales. He hoped, for the future, America would give re- abtics to Europe.' As proofs are always preferable to assertions, and as this is too mportant a charge to rest on the authority of an anonymous writer, shall adduce a few more instances where the avowal is distinct i'md unequivocal. In a French journal devoted to the party, pub- '!" Ished in Montreal, we find the following sentiments: In examining with an aitcnlive eye what is passing around us, it is easy to onvince oneself that our country is placed in very critical circumstances, and that revolution will perhaps he necessary to place it in a more natural and less preca- ious situation. A constitution to remodel, a nationality to maintain — these are le objects which at present occupy all Canadians. ' It may be seen, according to ihis, that (here exist two parlies, of opposite in- •rests and manners — the Canadians and the English. These first-born Frcnch- len have the habits and character of such. They have inherited from iheir fathers hatred to the English ; who, in their turn, seeing in them the children ofFrancc, clest them. These Iwo parlies can never unite, and will not always remain Iran- iiil ; it is a bad amalgamation of interests, of manners, of language, and of religion, hich sooner or later must produce a collision. U is suflicienlly believed tliat a volution is possible, but it is believed to be far off; as for me, 1 think it will not I- delayed. Let them consider these words of a great writer, and they will no nger treat a revolution and a separation from the mother country as a chimera — The greatest misfortune for man politically,' said he, 'Ms to obey a foreign power ; o humiliation, no torment of, the heart, can compare to this. The subjected na- >n, at least if she be not protected by some extraordinary law, ought not to obey lis sovereign.' — Wc repeat it, an immediate separation from England is the only nans of preserving our nationality. Some time hence, when emigration shall ive made our adversaries our equals in number, more daring, and less generous, loy will deprive us of our liberties, or we shall have the same fate as our unhappy ntrjmen the Acadians. Believe me, this is the fate reserved for us, if we do t hasten lo make ourselves independent !' Till I In a pamphlet written by Mr. Papineau, he says of the French : I ' It (the French parly) has not, it ought nol lo entertain a shadow of hope that ; will obtain any justice whatsoever from any of the authorities constituted as they " |re at present in this couutry. If it would entertain the same opinion of the au- ' _»orilies in England th;a it entertains of the authorities in this country, ihcsc ob- acles could easily be o^>-TCome.' Ik evils matin 390 THE BUBBLES He then claims the colony as belonging solely to his party : ' In consequence of the facilities afforded by the administration for the settle' ment of Britons within our colony, they came in shoals to our shores to push theii fortunes.' 'They have established a system of paper-money, based solely upon their owi credit, and which our habitans have had the folly to receive as ready money, al though it is not hard cash, current among all nations, but on the contrary, whicl is of no value, and, without the limits of the province, would not be received b any person.' To obstruct the arrival of emigrants as much as possible, resor was had to one of those measures so common in Canadian legisla- tion, in which the object of the bill is at variance with its preamble An Act was passed, 6 Will. IV., c. 13, which, under the speciousl humane pretence of creating a fund to defray the expense of medica. assistance to sick emigrants, and of enabling indigent persons of tha description to proceed to the place of their destination, a capitatio tax was imposed, which affected emigration to Upper as well a Lower Canada; and the operation of it was such, that even an in habitant of the former province, returning to his home by the Si Lawrence, was liable to this odious impost. When every topic appeared to be exhausted, Mr. Rodier, member of the assembly, was so fortunate as to have discovered new one, in the cholera, which he charged the English with havint introduced among them. Absurd as this may seem to be, it was n« without its effect, and the simple-minded credulous peasantry wei nt id induced to believe it of a people of whom they had lately heard froi their leaders nothing but expressions of hatred and abuse. ' When I see,' said he, ' my country in mourning, and my native land presenlli to my eye nothing but one vast cemetery, 1 ask, what has been the cause of all the disasters? and the voices of thousands of my fellow citizens respond from tht tombs, — it is emigration. It is not enough to send amongst us avaricious egotist without any other spirit of liberty than could be bestowed by a simple education the counter, to enrich themselves at the expense of the Canadians, and then ei deavour to enslave them — they must also rid themselves of their beggars, and cj them by thousands on our shores — they must send us miserable beings, who aft having partaken of the bread of our children, will subject them to the horrors hunger and misery ; they must do still more — they must send us, in their trai pestilence and death. If I present to you so melancholy a picture of the conditi of this country, 1 have to encourage the hope that we may yet preserve our n tionality, and avoid those future calamities, by opposing a barrier to this torrent emigration. It is only in the house of assembly* we can place our hopes, and it only in the choice the Canadians make in their elections, they can ensure the pr servation of their rights and political liberties.' Things were now rapidly drawing to a crisis. The legislature w assembled by the new governor, anti addressed by him in a long ai * In a work published in France, for circulation in Canada, a very intelligible "hint given on this subject. ' As the house of assembly votes rewards for the destruction Wolves, it is no less urgmbracing the payment of salaries or allowances not legally esta- toni blished, and more particularly as regards the pretensions of the issembly for expenses not incurred or to be incurred for the business )f the sessions of that house, is altogether unfounded in law, unsu])- ei|)orted by parliamentary usage, and subversive of the rights and iberties of the British subject.' (,, Independent of the constitutional objection to the application of the ., |)ublic fimds to the payment of persons whom the legislative council ° lad not only not concurred in appointing, but to whose mission they J lad pointedly objected, they deeply deplored that so extraordinary a joncession should be made, as the payment of every demand of that body that obstinately persisted in refusing to make any vote for the lomil nbl 892 THE BUBBLES support of the government. Peace, however, was deemed paramount to every other consideration, and that nothing might be left undone to attain it, even this sacrifice was not considered too great. They were now called upon, in the usual manner, to provide for the support of the judges and the oflicers of government, the public che,st containing at the time 130,000/. sterling. f The house had no sooner retired from hearing this address, than their speaker adopted his usual mode of inflaming his party by the most violent invectives against all the authorities both at home and in the colony, charging the one with deceit and hypocrisy in their words, and the other with oppression and peculation in their deeds. In a short time he brought matters to that condition he had so long desired. The house voted an address to his Majesty, in which they announced that they had postponed the consideration of the arrears, "and deter- mined to refuse any future provision for the wants of the local admi- nistration, in order the better to insist upon the changes which they required from the imperial authorities. Their utmost concession (and they desired it might not be taken for a precedent) was to ofier a supply for six months, that time being allowed to his Majesty's go- vernment and the British parliament to decide on the fundamental alterations of the constitution and other important measures included in the demands of the assembly. In this bill of supply, which was for six months only, and merely passed for the purpose of throwing the odium of rejection on the othej branch of the legislature, they excluded the salaries of the council- lors, of their assistant clerk, one of the judges, some usual incidenta charges of the civil secretary's oifice, besides other important sala- ries; and, as they had hoped, it was not concurred in. This wai the first time they had left the executive without the means of con ducting the government, for the sole and avowed purpose of procurinj changes in the constitution. Of the confusion and distress whicl this repeated refusal of the assembly to co-operate with the othe branches of the legislature produced in the province, it is difficult t convey any adequate idea. The province was far advanced in the fourth year since there ha been any appropriation of provincial funds to the use of government and although a sum, temporarily contributed from the British Trej sury, had relieved the civil officers, so far as to give them one year salary during that period, the third year was passing away durin which they had not had the smallest fraction ol their earnings intt service of the pubhc. The distress and embarrassment which th state of circumstances inflicted on the functionaries of the provinci Avhose private resources are generally very limited, were as humiliatir as they were unmerited. Many were living on money borrowed ati I OP CANADA. 3 14 8 22 Total 1-22 — >>► . . .. 47 169 This charge has been reiterated in the other colonies, where the explanation never followed, and in some instances, from the circum- stantial and formal manner in which it is made, has not been without its effect. It will be observed that they are charged with rejecting 169 instead of 122 bills, every exercise of the constitutional right ol amendment being considered equivalent to rejection. Every suc- cessive year the bills which had been disagreed to were again trans- mitted to them, to swell by their rejection the amount of their offences. Deducting the number produced by this multiplying process, the amount of bills rejected falls under forty, which is an average of lesf than four a year. In addition to this formidable list which had nol been concurred in, another interminable one was offered of thos( which had not been considered, the explanation of which I find in th( words of the commissioners : — ' Much obloquy has also, we must assert, been unjustly attempted to be Ihrowi on the council for the rejection of bills sent up to them late in the session, whei there were no longer the means of forming a house in the assembly to take inl consideration any amendments that might be made on them.' Instead of preferring complaints against this body for acts of omis sion, they might have been more successful had they rested satisfiei with charging them with acts of commission ; for, although they car be justified for their rejection of pernicious bills, what shall we sa; to their want of firmness in afterwards passing some of those ver bills, under the dictation of that assembly that was arming itsel with fresh charges from these instances of its weakness? But th time had now arrived when it was alike independent of the crow and the people, and could neither be influenced by the timid fears o the executive, nor the violence and invective of the assembly. S long as a majority of office-holders and people connected with govern OF CANADA. 397 ment had seats at the council board, the factious majority of the house could exorcise a control over the council, Ihrouqh the state of de- |iendonce and subjugation in which they kept the executive. Every j;overnor had lately shewn a desire to win the honour of pacifying Canada, — had receded and conceded, ofl'e red conciliation and endured tlTronts, borne and foreborne, in a manner that it is quite humiliat- ing to contemplate, — and had used his iniluencc in the legislative ouncil to aid in the execution of instructions which, although they ire justly entitled to the merit of kind intentions, have not so much laim upon our admiration on the score of their merit or their dignity. We find, indeed, the aid of the secretary for the colonies called in, md Mr. Stanley reproving them for even insinuating a doubt of the oyalty of these omnipotent men, and regretting that any word had - ;oeen introduced which should have the appearance of ascribing to a ihss of liis Majesty's subjects of one origin views at variance with >. he allegiance which they owe to his Majesty. The liouse had, lowever, by their incessant complaints, purified the board of every icrson upon wliom this influence could be exerted. This inde- lendence of executive influence is thus alluded to by Lord Aylmer : — It would be dilTicult, perhaps, to find in any British colony a legis- ative body more independent of the Grown than the legislative ij .council of Lower Canada; cmd so far am I from possessing, as the .„, King's representative, any influence there, that I will not conceal hat I have, on more than one occasion, regretted the course adopted , ly the council. But whilst I make this confession, I will not deny ji[|, j)ut I have, on the contrary, much satisfaction in avowing that I re- jp f)Ose great confidence in that branch of the colonial legislature. It jv. ,s a confidence derived from my knowledge of the upright, inde- I j)eDdeDt, and honourable character of the great majority of those vho compose it, and of their firm and unalterable attachment to his Majesty's person and government, and to the constitution of the , !:olonies as by law established.' The council had actually become, ,j,( jyhat it ought to be, the representative of the independent people of he country — of the wealth, intelligence, and virtue of the colony. [oi iChe assembly, therefore, voted that it was more mischievous than jdii pver, and resolved that it should be elective. It is but due to them ,pj fiere to say that this idea is not thought to have originated in Canada, ^(jj :)ut to have been communicated to them, with other equally judicious ;,!? Iidvice, from England. It is certain that it has been advocated here, f not strongly, at least warmly, and was supported in the house of [jj 1 ords by Lord Brougham. From a careful perusal of what his lord- ,jp^ ihip said upon the occasion, which was declamatory and not argu- l^jf, inentative, I am inclined to believe it received his support, not so ^ j. jmuch because he thought so, as because the ministry did not think 398 THE BUBBLES SO, as the whole speech appears to be the effect of strongly excited feehngs. Any organic change in the legislative council must be well con- sidered, before it is granted, in two distinct and separate bearing*, first, as it affects the connexion with this country, and, secondly, a/ it affects the interests of the colonists themselves. The avowed ob ject of the assembly in advocating this change, is to procure ai identity of views in the two branches, which would be effected b^ their being elected by the same persons, or what is the same thing by the same influences. Were this to take place, it would be a du- plicate of the house, registering its Acts, but exercising no beneflcia legislation upon them. A difference of opinion then, whenever i occurred, would not be between the two houses, but between thei and the governor, and it is easy to conceive how untenable his posi tion would soon become. At present, although possessing a vetc and forming a constituent, he can hardly be said to be a deliberativ branch of the legislature, but by this change either such duties mus necessarily devolve upon him, and occasion the exercise of incom patible powers, or in every instance where he differed in opinion, h would be compelled to resort to a rejection of the measure. Th commissioners, whose reasoning on the subject is not very intellig ble, have been more fortunate in the expression of their impai tiality, having recorded at the same time their approbation of tli principle, and their conviction of the danger of its application. Th object of the French party, it is said, is to assimilate their institution to those of the United States ; but the situation of the country is s different from that of any state in the union, that there is no analog whatever. Instead of two co-existent but independent chambers, would in fact be only one body occupying two halls. In Canada there is unfortunately wanting among the French popi lation, the salutary controul of public opinion. The population - wholly unfit for the exercise of the important duties of self-goveri4 ment. Scattered over a large surface, ignorant of constitutionf principles, and inattentive to public affairs, they implicitly follow a fed leaders, who have the choice and the management of their represel tatives in their own hands, and who, if this change were concede] would place in both houses such persons as would follow thjiMi I The tacit hypotheque is of five kinds : — 1. The dower of his wife, jlijii lUnless barred by an ante-nuptial contract; 2. Security to his ward, ftlfl jin the event of his being appointed guardian to any minor, which he ftii imay be w ithout his own consent, the office being in many cases com- -tii jpulsory; 3. The same obligation in the event of his being named cu- ,fij irator, trustee, or administrator of any intestate person ; 4. The obli- p; |( jgation of an heir, entering on his inheritance, to the payment of the jji |debts of the person from whom he received it, or sans benefice d'in- yentaire; 5th, and lastly. The liability of public servants for the due ^ ij [performance of their trusts. The wife's dower, moreover, is the in- 1^ jheritance of the children of the marriage, and consequently an entail Jul |is created by it, as well as a life interest. ,„[lj I The British government thought it was conferring a great benefit ft |Upon the Lower Canadians in proposing to change the tenures, so as .. ,to get rid of those circumstances w hich thus depreciated the value of I .|l :land, and retarded the imi)rovement of Canadian trade and agricul- ^^j ture; and all unbiassed men would, and did, agree with the govern- |rjiment on this point. The first provision on this subject consisted of two clauses of the Canada Trade Act (3 Geo. IV., c. 119, s. 31 and 32), by which 404 THE BUBBLES his Majesty was empowered to agree with all seigneurs for the com- mutation of their dues to the Crown, and also to commute with such censitaires as held immediately of the Crown, and to re-grant both to one class and the other their lands in free and common soccage. In addition to, and amendment of this Act was passed the 6 Geo. IV., c. 59. The most important clauses are as follow : Sec. 1 — Provides for the commutation (on request) of the tenures of land held of the Crown. Sec. 2 — Provides that rights of the seigneur shall not be aCTected till such com- mutation is fully made. Sec. 3 — Declares that persons holding lands in flef, and obtaining a commuta- tion from the Crown, shall be bound to grant a like commutation, if required, to those holding under them, for such indemnity as shall be 6xed by experts, or (sec. 4), by proceedings in a court of law. Sec. 5 — Declares that on such agreement or adjudication the tenure shall be converted into free and common soccage, but sec. 6 provides that this shall not discharge a man of dues or services then accrued to the lord. Sec. 7 — Persons applying for commutation are to give public notice to mort- gagees and others having claims on the lands. Sec. 8 — Lands holdeu in free and common soccage in Lower Canada, are Ic be subject to the, laws of England. Sec. 9 — Provided, nevertheless, that nothing herein contained shall extend l( prevent his Majesty, with the advice and consent of the legislative council am assembly of the province of Lower Canada, from making and enacting any sucl laws or statutes as may be necessary for the belter adapting the before-mentionei rules of the laws of England, or any of them, to the local circumstances and con dition of the said province of Lower Canada, and the inhabitants thereof. Such are the provisions of the act, the repeal of which is so im- periously demanded. Unreasonable, however, as the request was thus to make a disgraceful retrograde movement to barbarous usages it was met in the only way it could be : the act 1 W. IV., c. 20 wa passed, leaving the whole subject to be dealt with by the provincic legislature as it should think fit. The repeal of the Canada Lan Companies act is next insisted upon. On this subject, it will be quit sufficient to state their demand, to which no honest man could gi? any other answer than it has already received — an unqualified refusa They require that an act of parliament, incorporating this company and conferring upon them certain privileges, and a title to land upon which they Iiave expended large sums of money, should be r( pealed, and the property confiscated. The only charitable w^ay viewing the demand, is to consider it not so much an evidence moral turpitude, as a manifestation of contempt and insolence towan the party, to whom it was addressed.* * But although they considered every institution and usage of their own so sacred as admit of no change, they viewed those of tlie English in a very diflerent iii^ht. The co ceding and respectful conduct of Government formed au amusing contrast with their a dacious insolence. To mark their contempt for regal rights, they passed an Act to ma notice of action served on the attorney-general, for damages against the Crown, lecial a binding. If the suit went against the Crown it was provided, that execution might iss against the governor, and the furniture, or the guns of the fortress. I OK CANADA. 405 FomMh. — Tlion foUowod a deinaiul for tlio UDConstitutional sur- londor of the crown revenues. You will recollect that the Canada 1 icommitteo of parliament, as it was called, reported, that although the 'duties, hefore alltuled to, were vested in tlie Crown, they were pre- pared to say the real interests of the colony would he best promoted by placing them under the controul of the house of assembly. Being prepared to say a thing, and being prepared to show or prove a thing, ■happen, unfortunately, to be widely dilVerent ; and, as the committee contented themselves with the former, we arc not in possession of the grounds upon which they felt prepared to say so. They were » doubtless quite sufficient at the time, although they, unfortunately, ' ;;did not continue to bo so long enough for the act (1st and 2d WMll. !lV.) to reach Canada. For the real interests of the colony, it is very 111 jevident, have not been best promoted thereby. It would appear also '» Ithat that great and single minded man, the Duke of Wellington (who probably knew quite as much of the French as the committee did), 'was not prepared to say so, but, on the contrary, he entered his pro- si' itest against the measure : ' These persons,' said he (meaning the judges), 'will thus become dependent upon the continued favour of ™ the lecislative assembly, for the reward of their labours and services : i,j, ,lhe administration, within the province of Lower Canada, can no Ilia sionger be deemed independent; and his Majesty's subjects will have "l* 'justice administered to them by judges, and will be governed by Dfficers situated as above described.' The event has justified his ioii i^race's expectations, and disappointed those of the committee. This till iiuconditional surrender was made on the full understanding that a asa| I'Jvil list would be granted, and the administration of justice perma- '201 iiently provided for: — the former they refused. They had now got m ihe officers of government at their mercy, and were determined to all Iteep them so; and the judges they made independent of the Crown, bei]! ")ut dependent upon them for their annual allowance, depriving the ullj ';overnment of the power of removing them, except upon impcach- relaJ inent, and reserving the right themselves to remove them at pleasure, ifai |iy withdrawing their salaries. Having succeeded in this, they now olaDi ilemanded the rents of the real estate, belonging to the King, in liitei "Canada, and this too they arc promised, when they shall vote the lefl] livil list, — one of the resolutions introduced by Lord John Russell, im i»eing, 'That it is expedient to place at the disposal of the legislature jtoifil ihe net proceeds of the hereditary, territorial, and casual revenues ,f the Crown, arising within the province, in case the said legislature ^^jj [hall see fit to grant a civil list, for defraying the necessary charges , Tii(« 'fthe administration of justice, and for the maintenance and unavoid- *'J)'i,ble expense of certain of the principal ofiicers of the civil govern- oM' jtient of the province.' The great error that has been committed in "' hese unconditional surrenders of the revenue of the Crown, is in ri 406 THE BUBBLES attempting to keep up an analogy, that does not exist, to the practise in England. The committee lost sight of the important distinction that Canada is a colony, and that what might be very right and proper here, would be neither right nor expedient there. The officers of government are not merely the officers of Canada, but the officers of Great Britain, and, by giving the legislature a controul over them, they surrender the imperial power over the province. They should be removeable, not when the legislature, like the committee of par- liament, is 'prepared to say' so, but when it is * prepared to prove' that they ought to be ; but their salaries should be beyond the controul of the local assembly. This position is too obvious, and has received too much painful corroboration, in recent events, to require any further comment. Lastly. — They required the management of the waste lands to be given up to them. The object of this extraordinary claim, now for the first time put forward in the history of colonization, was for the avowed purpose of controlling emigration from Great Britain, which they had already impeded by a capitation tax, by refusing to establish an efficient quarantine, or to give aid to the improvement of the har- bour of Montreal ; by endeavouring to alarm settlers on the score o insecurity of title, and in an attempt to ruin the banks. In Mr. Papineau's celebrated pamphlet, to which I have previoush alluded, he says, 'the protection, or, to speak more plainly, Englisl sovereignty over Canada, brought other evils in its train. A swarn of Britons hastened to the shores of the new colony, to avail them- selves of its advantages to improve their own condition.' Histor affords so many proofs of the license used by a people when flushei with victory, that this gentleman's surprise at the English taking th liberty of settling on the waste lands of a colony, which they had s gallantly conquered, affords a pleasing proof that the natural sim plicity of the Canadian character was not yet wholly destroyed by th study of politics. 'That, however,' he continued, 'was not sui ficient for their cupidity, they established themselves in our citift' and made themselves masters of all the trade, as well foreign as do mestic' 'For many years they took but a small share in our poli tical affairs. The elections remained free from their intrigues, becauj they could have had no chance of practising any amongst a popuh tion nine times more numerous than themselves. But within thef five or six years they go about boldly' T prevent this evil, which was growing in magnitude every year, * their interesting themselves in the political afTairs of the province in proportion to their numbers, they demanded the control of tl wild lands, and, reverting to abstract principles, started this ne doctrine: 1 OF CANADA. 407 , ' That in any new discovered or newly occupied counlry, the land belongs lo ,, Ihe governnicnl of the nation taking possession of it, and thai settlers in it, so long 'as they retain the character only of emigrants from the mother country, can claim IK) more than what has been granted to them as individuals; but that when a ;lislinct boundary has been assigned to them, and they come to be incorporated ^ 'into a body politic, w iih a power of legislation lor their internal atVairs, the lerri- \' 'lory within their boundary becomes, as a matter of right, the property of the body (Militic, or of the inhabitants, and is to be disposed of according to rules framed by lieir local legislature, and no longer by that of the parent state.' On this point the commissioners reported as follows: — ' This proposition rests, as we understand it, entirely upon abstract grounds, ind we believe that we are authorized in saying that it never has been entertained ly fireat Britain or any other colonizing power. That the ungranted lands in any itlony remain the property of the Crown has, on the contrary, we believe, been lie universally received doctrine in Great Britain, and although the constitutional t(. .jct does not expressly assert a right of which its framcrs probably never contem- 1 Mated a doubt, the lands of the province are mentioned in the '.IGlh clause as being 'hereafter to be granted by his Majesty and his successors. While, therefore, we "I'l hre quite ready to admit, thai in the disposal of the ungranted lands the interests lit, ,)f the Orst settlers ought never to be lost sight of, and also that the wishes of the .[Ij ocal legislature should be consulted, provided they arc made known to his rtlajesty n a constitutional manner, we cannot recognize in any way the abstract principle *" '.el up for it in opposition, not merely to the general laws and analogies of the jjRi |3rilish empire, but to the clear meaning of the Act by which alone the body prc- erring the claim has its existence. It must, we apprehend, be the main object jn every scheme of colonization, that the parent slate should have the right to Ulablish her ow n people on such terms as she may think fit in the country colo- W liized; and at present perhaps her North American colonies are more valuable lo ijlf lingland as receptacles for her surplus population than in any other way. We |V , |!annol, therefore, believe that England will consent to a doctrine that will go lo ilace at the discretion of any local legislature the terms on which emigrants from ™ Iter shores are lo be received into her colonies.' U I jjjj I Here, however, the government again shewed its anxiety to gratify y heir wishes as far as it was possible; and in their undeviating spirit ijg, |)f conciliation, although they could not grant the whole demand, l^5j pndeavoured to meet them half way, by replying that they had no (jj, j)bjection to the legislature prescribing the rule of management for the i.jj^ Prown lands, but their application must be confined to the executive. j,j jjuch are the demands which were then made, and are still put for- ^j^ (Vard by the leaders of the Canadian party ; demands, which it is jjjfj, jivident amount to a claim by one part of her Majesty's subjects, to an djj jndependent controul of the colony. eat,'! I win i it LETTER XI. I As the assembly had separated with a declaration that they would lever vote a civil list, until all their requests were granted, it was 408 THE BUBBLES necessary for parliament to interfere, and Lord John Russell proposed and carried certain resolutions, of which the substance is as follows: * Islly. That in Ihe existing slate of Lower Canada, it is unadvisable to make (he legislative council elective, but that it is expedient to adopt measures for secur- ing to that branch of the legislature a greater degree of public confidence. ' 2dly. That while it is expedient to improve the composition of the executive council, it is unadvisable to subject it to the responsibility demanded by the house of assembly. ' 3dly. That the legal title of the British American Land Company to the land they hold under their charter, and an act of the imperial parliament, ought to be maintained inviolate. ' 4th!y. That as soon as the legislature shall make provisions by law for dis- charging lands from feudal dues and services, and for removing any doubts as to the incidents of the tenure of land, in free and common soccage, it is expedient lo repeal the Canada Tenures Act, and the Canada Trade Act, so far as the latter re-' lates to the tenures of land in this province, saving, nevertheless, lo all persons the rights vested in them under or in virtue of those Acts. ' 5lhly. That, for defraying the arrears due, on account of the established and customary charges of the administration of justice, and of the civil government of the province, it is expedient, that, after applung for that purpose such balance as should, on the lOlh day of April last, be in the hands of the receiver-general, aris- ing from the hereditary, territorial, and casual revenues of the Crown, the governor of the province be empowered to issue, out of any other monies in the hands of the receiver-general, such further sums as shall be necessary to effect the payment of such arrears and charges up to the 10th of April last. ' 6lhly. That it is expedient to place at the disposal of the legislature the net proceeds of the hereditary, territorial, and casual revenues of the Crown, arising ■within the province in case the said legislature shall see Gt to grant a civil list foi defraying the necessary charges of the administration of justice, and for the main- tenance and unavoidable expenses of certain of the principal officers of the civi government of the province ; and, lastly, ' That it is expedient that the legislatures of Lower and L^pper Canada re- spectively, be authorized to make provision for the joint regulation and adjustmen of questions respecting their trade and commerce, and of other questions whereh they have a common interest.' Whether the spirit of concession had not been heretofore carrie( too far, and whether the public affairs of Canada ought to have beei sulTered (even for the amiable and praiseworthy object of endeavour- ing, if possible, to satisfy the dominant party in the house), evert have arrived at this crisis, are questions upon which I have no desire on this occasion, to enter, being foreign to my object, which is t show you that the French-Canadians have no claim to sympathy * a our oppressed and enslaved brethren.' But that these resolution were indispensable, that they were not resorted to till they were ne cessary, and that parliament was justified in this exercise of its su preme authority, no unprejudiced and right-thinking man can doub' A colony is a dependent province, and Great Britain is an indepen( ent metropolitan state. The controlling power must obviously 1 greater than the power controlled. The power, therefore, of a c( I lony being limited, if it assumes to pass those limits, it is no long* j dependent but independent. It is not only the right but the duty OF CANADA. 'lOO I Parliament to restrain, within their constitutional limits, provincial legislatures in the same manner as it is the right of the colonists to exercise those powers constitutionally, and their duty not to attempt to exceed those limits. When one branch of a legislature resolves that it will never perform its functions until a co-ordinate branch, de- riving its authority from the same source as itself, is destroyed, it exceeds its due bounds, or rather relinquishes the exercise of all con- stitutional power. In the pamphlet already alluded to, Mr. rapineau says, ' The constitution has ceased to exist of right, and in fact can no longer be maintained but by force.' Here, then, was a case for the legitimate interference of Parliament, an interference which no rellecting colonist will ever object to, else there would be no appeal but to the sword whenever a designing demagogue should imfortii- nately obtain a majority of obstructive members in the assembly; but these revolutions were said to be a violation of the declaratory act of 1778, and an unconstitutional mode of levying taxes on the Cana- dians, and appropriating their money without their consent! It is not material to the argument to mention, but it is a singular fact, that the revenue happens not to have been raised by people of French origin, and that therefore as far as they arc concerned, their money has not been appropriated without their consent. The ques- tion is often asked by the Upper Canadians, on what does a French inhabitant pay duty?* Is it, they say, on woollen stuffs of his own '^ I manufacture? Is it on w'ooden shoes, the produce of his forest? Is it ''^ ' on tobacco, the produce of his own fields? Is it on sugar, the juice of his own maple groves? Is it on wine which he never tastes? Is iiiiis ; it on books which he cannot read ; or on postage of letters he cannot "''* • write? Or is it on spirits distilled from his own grain ? But this is not to the purpose, it was money that they had a right to dispose of ;jii; I themselves, if they had thought proper to do so, and must so far be (,(1? considered the revenue of the whole public. These resolutions imposed no taxes, they merely applied towards p,t; I the discharge of salaries of the civil officers of the government, cer- ijf^j I tain monies already accumulated under existing laws, in the hands lijjl j of the treasury, to enable the executive to carry on the government. )n(| i That it was applied without their consent to this purpose, is true, 7wt j0 i because ihet/ did not consent to vote supplies (and it is most material jjj, I to observe this distinction), hut because tliey had refused to discharge itsi i *^''^V of their duties as an asse^nhbj, or in any manner to co-operate y I Toith tJie other hranclies; and had themselves, hy this suicidal act, 1 j^ j sitspended the constitution and throivn the whole country into an- ]j; i archy and confusion. It was a case fully within the limitation prescribed by Burke : )|iiir. , j„ii ! ' See letters of Cainillns. 410 THE BUBBLES ' For my part,' says that great man, ' I look upon the rights stated in that act il exactly in the manner in which I viewed Ihcm on its very first proposition, and jW whicli I have often taken the liberty, with great humility, to lay before you. I look, I say, on the imperial rights of Great Britain, and the privileges which the ^ colonists ought to enjoy under these rights, to be just the most reconcileable things in the world. The parliament of Great Britain sits at the head of her extensive gl empire in two capacities ; one as the local legislature of this island, providing for ,1* all things at home, immediately, and by no other instrument than the executive , power. The other, and 1 think her nobler capacity, is what 1 call her imperial ill* character; in which, as from the throne of heaven, she superintends all the (i!fS several inferior legislatures, and.'guides and controls them all without annihilal- ..(m ing any. As all these provincial legislatures are only co-ordinate to each other, they ought all to be subordinate to her ; else they can neither preserve mu- ' lual peace, nor hope for mutual justice, nor efTeclually afford mutual assistance, '0 It is necessary to coerce the negligent, to restrain the violent, and to aid the weak and deficient, by the over-ruling plenitude of her power. But in order to enable Parliament to answer all these ends of provident and beneficent superintendence, her pow ers must be boundless. The gentlemen who think the powers of Parlia- ment limited, may please themselves to talk of requisitions. But suppose the re- quisitions are not obeyed? What! shall there be no reserved power in the em- pire to supply a deficiency which may weaken, divide, and dissipate the whole? ' This is what 1 meant when 1 have said, at various times, that 1 consider the power of taxing in Parliament as an instrument of empire, and not as a means of,, supply. ' Such, sir, is my idea of the condition of the British empire, as distinguished from the constitution of Britain ; and on these grounds I think subordination and liberty may be sufficiently reconciled through the whole ; whether to serve a refin- ing speculist or a factious demagogue, 1 know not ; but enough surely for the ease and happiness of man.' But, although the right of Parliament to interfere, and its intention to do so, were thus asserted, there was still so strong a repugnance felt by Government to exercise the power, that they desired Lord Gosford to call the assembly together again, and give those misguided men another opportunity of reconsidering their conduct. They met as summoned, but again refused all supplies which had now been with- held for five years, and again declined to exercise any legislative func- tions. There was now no power to make new laws, no means of paying those who administered the existing ones, no appropriation for the public service in any department; schools were neglected, roads unrepaired, bridges dilapidated, jails unprovided for, tempo- rary laws expired or expiring, and confusion and disorganisation every where; and yet we are gravely told Parliament ought not to have interfered ! that it was one of the dearest and most sacred rights of the colonists to produce this extraordinary state of things, and that they ought not to be interrupted in the enjoyment of what had cost them so much time and trouble to bring about. If this opinion were founded on conscientious scruples, it woulc deserve our respect ; but it is the liberality of accomplices ; and thej may well be generous who replenish their coffers by plunder. We must not be surprised therefore to find among those who invest the Canadians with this novel power, men who offer to mercenaries th( lire I Itlsi we iilkn ilord It %\ OF CANADA. 411 pillage of the church, and who, loaded with the spoils of vosled rights, which they have violently lorn from their lawful owners, kindly he- stow this stolen one upon comrades engaged in the same unholy cause as themselves. They are accomplished and dexterous men, and, knowing the numerous covers of law, resort to its shelter, and boldly call upon the real owners to make out their case, and prove their property. It is dillicult to decide whether the amiaMe advo- cates of this intelligible doctrine are best entitled to our pity or our contempt. Those persons who had always espoused their cause in England, seem to have fully penetrated their object. ' I do not marvel at it,' said my Lord Brougham; ' to me it is no surprise — / expected it.' Men of sanguine temperament are apt to expect confidently what rsw they desire ardently. That he wished them to be independent, he '"* made no secret. Whatever we may think of his lordship, as a states- J* man, for entertaining such a patriotic wish, we cannot but ad- leriii mire the unflinching friendship that induced him, through good re- tail port and evil report, to adhere to the cause he had determined to ' advocate. That Ihoy might not feel discouraged by partial reverses, jjjjj he held out the language of promise to them that the day was not far ireiiii- distant when they could hope to realise the object of their wishes. '"^ He deprecated our thinking too harshly of them for their vain attempt. • Where,' he continued, ' in what country — from what people did ntion they learn the lesson? of whom but ourselves, the English people? lanee We it is that have set the example to our American brethren ; let us Li'rd beware how we blame them too harshly for following it.' Not content iM with interceding for their pardon, he solicited, as a boon for them, lift » what they had failed in an attempt to seize as plunder. ' I hold with- these colonies,' he said, ' as worth nothing ; the only interest we have be- in the matter concerns the manner in which a separation, sooner or i!i!ol later inevitable, shall take place. Is it not, then, full time we should iatioB make up our minds to a separation so beneficial to all parties? These, ffted, my lords, are not opinions to which I have lately come; they are Jinpo- the growth of many a long year, and the fruit of much attention ii(m given to the subject.' The effect of this language upon the loyal po- oilto pulation of the provinces it is not easy to conceive. At no time could rislitJf such a doctrine be heard with indillerence, but during a period of , d unusual excitement it was too mischievous not to awaken a general ilbJil indignation. On the minds of the Americans it has had a powerful effect, in speculating upon the result of an active sympathy on their part. DisalTection having now succeeded in producing anarchy and We| bloodshed, assumed the shape of insurrection, the natural residt of so many years of agitation. The tragical events of this sad revolt are 412 THE BUBBLES too recent and too impressive to be forgotten, and the recital would i^"'"^' be as painful as it is unnecessary. Anxious, however, as I am not ( i""'^''^ to dwell on the mournful picture which it presents, justice requires '"'"'' that I should pause and pay the tribute of my respect to the pious, ^* amiable, and loyal Catholic clergy of Canada. They have preserved • ■'" a large portion of their tlock from contamination, and we are mainly i* F indebted to their strenuous exertions that the rebellion has not been sJ-'^*''' more general and more successful. They have learned from painful f ■'* experience, what ecclesiastics have ever found under similar circum-^ljiliM'"' stances, that treason always calls in infidelity to its aid; that there isBPP'cff' a natural alliance between the assailants of the throne and the altar, i!'"*'''' and that they who refuse to render tribute to Ceesar are seldom iiKSSO known to preserve, for any length of time, ' the fear of God beforefi petli" their eyes.' The history of this Canadian revolt is filled with in- jfW?' struction to the people of England. It teaches them the just value h'^'IS of the patriotism of those who are the intemperate advocates of ex- ''^-^(^^ treme opinions; it shows that courage in debate may sometimes iii^wc" evaporate in the field, and that those .who lead others rashly into ;!itualii danger are not unfrequently the first to desert them basely in the i w'Bri hour of need. It exhibits in bold rehef the disastrous effects of incessant Kui i i agitation, and demonstrates that the natural result of continued con- wuiiK,' cession to popular clamour is to gradually weaken the powers of go- vernment, until society resolves itself into its original elements. These truths are too distinctly marked to require to be retouched. He who runs may read, but he that would carry away the moral must pause and consider. It is written in the blood and suffering of the colonists, and prudence suggests the propriety of their availing them- selves of the painful experience of others, instead of purchasing it by the severe and painful process of personal experience. The success-1 ful advocacy here of similar opinions must necessarily produce the like results, aggravated by the increased power of numbers, and the greater value of the plunder. I have seen enough of England to admire it, of its institutions to respect it, of the character of its people to love it, and of the blessings conferred by its limited monarchy, to know how to estimate the enviable lot of those who have the good fortune to inhabit it. O fortunatos nimium'sua si bona norint. 1:1 mi I should feel indeed that kindness could awaken no emotion, and hospitality no gratitude, if, after having received, as an obscure pro- vincial author, the most flattering indulgence, as a colonist, the most hearty welcome, and a stranger the most considerate attentions, I didi not express warmly what I feel deeply. My knowledge of its con- stitution preceded that of its people ; and if my studies have led me to OF CANADA. 41 3 idmire its theory, personal observation of its practical ellbct has con- irineci and increased that favourable impression. It is a noble and idinirablc structure ! Esto perpctua. Before I quit the subject of this rebellion, I must allude to the miti- gating circumstances that attended it. Excited by every stimulant ;hat parliamentary declamation could apply, or British sympatiiy luggest, or American republicanism olTer— encouraged at home, aided rom abroad, and nowhere opposed or threatened , is it to be wondered it that the prospect of plunder and impunity seduced these misguided )eopIe from their allegiance, or that the contagion should spread from Lower to Upper Canada. When such a man as Hume was known » be a supporter of the government, can we wonder if ignorant men, ihree thousand miles oIY, supposed he was expressing the sentiments )f that government, when he said, * my wish would be to set the janadas and the whole of British North America, free to govern hemselves, as the United States do, by their own representatives, md to cultivate a good connection with the mother country for their nutual interest. Until that takes place, neither the Canadas nor ireat Britain will derive those advantages which they ought to have rom a diilerent and more economical management of their re- jources.' Or when confidentially communicating to his friend, tf'Kenzie, a man devoted to revolutionary doctrines, he boldly as- 4 ierted, 'Your triumphant election on the 16th, and ejection from ;he assembly on the 17th, must hasten that crisis which is fast ap- )roaching in the atfairs of the Canadas, and which will terminate in jeedom and independence from the baneful domination of the mother lem. jountry, and the tyrannical conduct of a small and despicable faction n the colony.' ..'...' The proceedings between 1772 md 1782, in America, ought not to be forgotten, and to the honour )f the Americans, and for the interests of the civilized world, let dllK ;heir conduct and their result be ever in view,' could they mistake he import of the terra ianeful domination, or despise the advice so udiciously given by the representative of a metropolitan country, knowing httle of Bath, but its reputation of being the resort of wcaltii indfashion, was itunnaturalforthem to infer that the member for that own spoke the sentiments of a powerful and iniluential class, when he •aid, ' One resource, and one resource alone, remains : to be a free )eople you must resist the British parliament.' When the working lien's societies, patronised by practical and powerful men, held umilar language, was it a great stretch for the credulity of those poor )eople to believe, that accession of Canada would immediately follow I demonstration of revolt. Their case is, indeed, one that commands Dur pity rather than our resentment ; but what shall we say of those who went still further than their councillors, and pursued the wi^ed course of advising an armed resistance to the government, of exritiog >[iriv 414 THE BUBBLES ^ them to sedition, and evoking the evil passions of the human heart, to insurrection and slaughter. The receiver is more criminal than the thief, and the seducer more vile than his victim. The exile and the prisoner, the houseless settler, and his starving suflering family, the smouldering villages, the spirits of the dead, and the voice of the dying, call aloud for vengeance on the authors of all these accumu- lated aggravated evils. He who knew the facility of man to fall into: error, and the miseries entailed upon us hy guilt, has mercifully, taught us to ofl'er our daily prayer that we may not be led into temp- tation ; and for the credit of our common nature, be it spoken, so few have been the instances where men have incited to crime, when they were not to profit by the offence, that no provision is made against the sin of holding out temptation to others. It was not to be i supposed that wickedness could exist without reward, or crime with- ! out an object. Unfortunate victims of false friends, deluded objects i of cold unfeeling advice, you deserved the lenity that has been ex- i tended to you; it would have been unfair, indeed, to have visited j upon you, the mere instruments of others, the punishment due to | the authors of your folly and your guilt. Such were the feelings entertained throughout the adjoining colo- , nies, but here a different language was held. They were pitied, not || because they were misguided, but because they were unsuccessful, \ Indignation was expressed, in no measured terms, not against tl« tempter or the tempted, but the gallant and loyal militia who sup- pressed them, and their vigilant, able, and intelligent governor My Lord Brougham was loud and vehement in his invectives, de- nouncing these brave and devoted men 'as an undisciplined an( insubordinate rabble,' and the presiding genius, whose penetratioi discovered, and whose foresight provided the means of crushing thii rebellion, as a person planting snares, with the base purpose o catching the unwary. That his lordship, the advocate and eulogis of a republic, should grieve over the vain attempt of others to establisl it in Canada, is not to be wondered at; but that he whose physica courage no man doubts, and whose moral courage is so great as t enable him to stand forth boldly, unaided and alone, among hi peers, the opponent and assailant of all parties, could feel no sympath for those brave men who, in the deadly conflict of war, rushed fort amid the storms of their inclement winter, in support of their laws their religion, and their homes; prepared to conquer or to die i their defence, that he could find no terms of approbation, no figure of speech, no, not one word of praise, for those heroic men ; that h could see nothing peculiar in their case, who had to contend wit violators of law within, and violators of treaties without the provinc< and scorn and contumely here, and who, braving privation, the cli mate, and the enemy, rallied round the standard of their countrf OF CANADA. 415 ivith an enthusiasm, ol which liistory can scarcely find a parallel hat he could discern no worth in loyalty, and no merit in Ihoso who fear God and honour the king,' is, indeed, a fruifl'iil source of (stonishment. How is it? Is this a characteristic of democracy? "i* iDoes it indeed harden the heart and deaden all the glowing impulses ""^ of our nature? or is it that philosophy is cold and speculative, regulat- ''1* mg the passions, and subduing and chastening the imagination. Or '^^^ 'nay it be that unused to panegyric, his lordship feels and knows his H wwer of sarcasm, and prefers the path in which he excells all con- "'1 temporaries, to one in which unequal powers forbid the hope of pre- ^^i ijminence? Whatever it may be, for his own sake, for the sake of 'Mi i'he noble house of which he is a member, and of the country of which ^^^ \U8 eloquence is at once the pride and the boast, it is deeply to be de- *!'' blored that he should have adopted a course that, unfortunately, con- ^P -'ers but little honour on the qualities of his head; and, it is to be "«* "(Bared, still less on the feelings of his heart. isit» '. This rebellion ha dictate terms to government; that this feeling was manifested by the manner in which they have constantly resisted local assessments, and made commerce to bear every provincial expenditure, — in the way they neutralized the electoral privileges of the voters of British origin, — in the continuance of the oppressive tenure of the feudal law, — in taxing emigrants from the mother country, and tliem only, — in their attempts to wrest the crown land from government. — in their attack on the Land Company, and the introduction of sel- ;i tiers by them, — in their opposition to a system of registry, — in their fmode of temporary legislation, — in their refusal to vote supplies, and in the whole tenour of their debates and votes. I have shown youtluit the policy of every government, whether Tory or Whig, has been con- ciliatory ( a fatal policy, I admit, and one that naturally admits and invites demands), and that every reasonable change required (with many very unreasonable ones) has been conceded to them ; that they are a people exempt from taxes, in possession of their own laws, lan- :;uagc, and religion, and of every blessing, civil, political, and reli- gious; in short, that Canada is the most favour.^d colony of Great Britain, and that the demands they now make are inconsistent with I olonial dependence. i This statement I oilier in refutation of my Lord Durham's assertion 'of misgovernment, used in its invidious sense, or as exjjlained at the meeting at Carlton Hill, that they are 'our oppressed and enslaved brethren ;' and in proof of my own position that the evils now exist- ing are the natural consequences of the Quebec and constitutional acts, and not the result of tyranny and oppression. The review ; which 1 have just concluded, indicates the remedy loo plainly to i render it at all necessary for inc to olfer a prescription. II, however, you can entertain any doubt upon the subject, you will at least be ■120 THE BUBBLES satisfied that the cure is not to be etl'ecfed by concession. Of this all men, 1 think, must now be convinced. Since the termination of the lafo abortive attempt at colonial government, one of my Lord Dur- ham's official coadjutors has publicly proclaimed- that all his precon- ceived opinions on the subject of Canada were erroneous. This was ; a work of supererogation. He might have spared himself the trouble of tiie announcement, and the pain of a recantation. All those who i were at the trouble of inquiring into the nature of his views were al- ready convinced of his error. His lordship also has informed the good j)eople of Devonport that he has made important discoveries on i the other side of the water. Had his mission been merely designed for his own instruction, the public, while they admitted the necessity that existed for it, would have applauded his zeal in such a useful and necessary pursuit; but as it was undertaken at no inconsiderable expense to the nation, they have reason to regret that this remark- able illumination was deferred until the moment of his return. What the extent of these recent revelations may be, we are not in- formed, but we may be permitted to hope that he has learned this important truth, that he who undertakes the benevolent office of calming the excited passions of others, should first learn to govern his own. That there are serious difficulties in the way of the paci- fication of Canada there can be no doubt, but greater difficulties have been overcome by Van Amburgh, who exhibits every night, for the edification of government and the amusement of Cockneys, animals, whose natures are more ferocious, and antipathies more powerful than those of the English and French, living in the same cage in the utmost harmony; and what is still more important, enjoying the most unrestrained freedom of action within their assigned limits, and yet making no resistance to the salutary controul of an external i)ower. Jiistiitii et teinceni propositi viriiu! Non civiiini ardor prava jubeniiuiu, Mon villi IIS iostantis tyrauni .Menle quatit solida. But let me not be misunderstood by the nature of this allusion. It must not be supposed that the assembly, because they have done so much that is objectionable, were always wrong in what they required, or the legislative council, because it is such a loyal and respectable body, were always right in what they refused. This was far from being the case. Many of the demands of the Canadians were reason- able and just, and many of the changes they desired, were for the benefit of the country ; but, unfortunately, the violence of their lan- guage, and the unconstitutional and arbitrary acts to which they re- sorted, in the attainment of those objects, left no room to doubt that they were more bent upon having a grievance than seeking redress; and that they would rather have provoked a refusal than obtained a 1 OF CANADA. 121 'coiiccssion. On the other band, the council, like most siniihir bodies, basahvays contained some men wlio were seKlsli in disposition and II ultra in opinions, and whoso conduct was calculated to irritate the .opposite party, and to do more mischief than if they had openly es- ipoused their cause and adopted their principles. But whether the ^assembly was right or wrong in what it required, or the council jus- itified or not in its opposition, the former has succeeded in all its demands. The subject has now assumed a new aspect. Pretensions have • been put forth that involve the question of indt^pendence, and Great ■ Britain must now decide whether she is to retain the province or not. I It is a crisis in the history of this country which other nations regard i with intense interest. The fate of Canada will determine that of all [the other colonies. The retreat of the soldiers will invite the incur- sions of the barbarians, and the withdrawal of the legions, like those of Rome, from the distant parts of the empire, will sliow that Eng- land,* conscious of her present weakness and past glories, is contract- ing her limits and concentrating her energies, to meet, as becomes her character, the destiny that awaits all human greatness. * As a colonist it would be unpardonable in rae not to acknowledge in adequate terms llie obligation we are under to the chairman of the finance coiumittee for the important discoveries he has recently made in colonial matters. Other men may rival him in in- dustry, but for masterly and statesman-like views he is without a oompetitor. It is singular thattlie egregious error Great Britain has heretofore committed in considering her toreiLMi possessions of great value should never have been detected before, and that our forefathers sliould have had so little knowledge of political economy as to return as sources of wealth, and power, what it now appears have always been productive of a fearful an- nual loss. It would seem that the surface of Great Britain, instead of being too small for her population, is too extensive, and that, instead of carrying on her immense colonial trade herself, she might be spared the trouble by transforming the colonists into foreign- ers, and permitting others to do that drudgery for her. It is said that the same error has been committed by the owners of timber-trees, in permitting the absurd arrangement of nature, with respect to the limbs to continue nnreformed, that they would be much more vigorous if the branches, with their prodigious expenditure on the leaves, were all lopped on (for it is a well-known fact that the trunk supplies the branches v.ilh sap, and not the branches the trunkV and that the stem would be leirger, stronger, and better without such useless and expensive appendages. Truly this is the age of wonders, but this discovery of the worthy chairman is the most wonderful one of modern times, although, strange to say, it is by no means appreciated as it deserves to be. It would be unfair, as well as un- generous, to detract from his merit, by saying that he borrowed the idea from agriculture, but it must be admitted that there is a wonderful coincidence between his principle and that of the ditcher. A drain, it is well known, is lengthened by being cut at both ends. Now he appears to have applied this principle to England, and infers most justly (hat the Hire she is reduced in size, the greater will be her' circumference. Having proved (his list .satislactorily, he advances some most important, but startling propositions, namely, Niit the hmaller your property, the less yon have to defend ; the fewer markets you can 'iiimand, the more will be open to you ; the more dependant you are upon foreigners for lie or supply, the more certain you are of never wanting either ; and others of a similar iiature. 1 lis accuracy in figures is truly astonishing, and is only to be eoualled by the Tilth of the principles they evolve. Then comes the important question, ' If Kngland has ;rown .so great, so rich, and so powerful, in spite of all these expensive possessions, how much greater, richer, and more powerful would she be without them.' . livery true lover if his country must rejoice to see that its real interests are so well understood, and so ably "pportcd — ' Nil despiirandum, auspice Teucro.' \ END OF THE BUBBLliS OF CANADA. V i i A' .^^ f> ^1 ^ - 1 I LD9-30w-3,'74(Rti900s4)41S5— C-107 ^^^^ TO iKoM WHICH BOKKOWBD CIRCULATION DEPARTMENT ^. u^w is due on the last date stamped below, or This book IS due on renewed. Keoewed bSL'S'subiac. to i»«ed.a