I — 
 
 
 1 
 
 1 

 
 ALL FOOLS
 
 ALL FOOLS 
 
 BEING THE STORY OF SOME VERY 
 YOUNG MEN AND A GIRL 
 
 BY 
 
 MARMADUKE PICKTHALL 
 
 LONDON 
 SWAN SONNENSCHEIN & CO., Lm. 
 
 NEW YORK: THE MACMILLAN CO. 
 1900
 
 " . . . In sober verity I will confess a truth to thee, reader. I 
 love a Fool as naturally as if I were of kith and kin to him. ... I 
 venerate an honest obliquity of understanding. ... I love the safety 
 a palpable hallucination warrants, the security which a word out of reason 
 ratifies. And take my word for this, reader, and say a fool told it you, if 
 you please, that he who hath not a dram of folly in his mixture hath pounds 
 of much worse matter in his composition." — Elia.
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 Of Mr. Lee-Stretton, his yearnings after the romance of 
 
 life, and how far they led him, - - "9 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 In which, to quote from the Latin grammar, "fortune 
 plays an insolent game" with Mr. Lee-Stretton; with 
 some account of the heroic conduct of an Indian 
 gentleman, - - - - - - 22 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 Wherein the workings of a prisoner's mind are laid bare 
 
 for the reader's instruction, - - - - 37 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 In which, by the brutality of Mr. Blackstone, an Indian 
 gentleman is constrained to appear in a police-court, 
 to the delight of all beholders and the salvation of 
 Mr. Lee-Stretton, - - - - - 42 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 Containing some account of Miss Woodward and her 
 
 family, not forgetting the maid-of-all-work, - - 55 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 In which Mr. Lee-Stretton is irresistibly drawn to see 
 Miss Woodward again ; suggesting the simile of a 
 Moth and a Candle, - - - - - 72 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 Wherein the reader may, if he choose, observe the way 
 
 of a very young man with a maid, - - - 80
 
 vi CONTENTS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 Containing some account of the meeting of an august 
 assembly, with curious information concerning its 
 rules, and the confusion into which it was thrown by 
 the entrance of Mr. Lee-Stretton, - - - 94 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 In which l\Ir. Blackstone shows a taste for low comedy 
 and a hankering after Miss Woodward, which cause 
 Mr. Lee-Stretton much uneasiness - - - io8 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 In which Mr. Blackstone's character is briefly displayed, 
 with the account of a luncheon party and a trip to 
 Kew Gardens, - - - - - - 1 1 7 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 Of the dastardly and unheard-of conduct of Mr. Jones, 
 and of the heroic rescue of a lady by Mr. Blackstone 
 and an Indian gentleman .... 130 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 Of the terrors inspired in Mr. Woodward by the mention 
 of a bulldog, and of the strange obstinacy of an 
 Indian gentleman, - - - - - 140 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 Of the state of Miss Woodward's feelings towards her 
 betrothed, and of the unaccountable behaviour of an 
 Indian gentleman - - - - - '49 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 In which Miss Woodward is delighted, and her brother 
 
 confounded, by the gift of a young bull-dog, - - 160 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 In which everyone, except Mr. Samuel Thompson, is 
 
 obsequious upon the arrival of a baronet, - - 170
 
 CONTENTS vii 
 
 PAGE 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 Being an account of the abduction of an Indian gentleman 
 from a music hall, with all that befel his pursuers in 
 a fog, 183 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 In which two counts and a countess are presented to the 
 reader in the light of old acquaintance, and an Indian 
 gentleman is discovered in a larder, - - - 193 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 Of the Devil and his wiles, .... 209 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 Of the heroic entry of Miss Woodward into the Germans' 
 house, with much of kissing, and of the ill reward 
 which an Indian gentleman had for all his pains, - 221 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 In which the drunkenness of Mr. Jones, the flabbiness of 
 raw meat, the jealousy of Mr. Lee-Stretton, and the 
 strange conduct of an Indian gentleman are duly 
 set forth, ...... 231 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 In which Mr. Thompson is concerned at the intimacy of 
 one of his pupils with a female, and Sir Arthur 
 Blackstone goes upon an errand of mercy, - - 245 
 
 CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 In which Sir Arthur Blackstone harbours doubts of Mr. 
 Lee-Stretton's veracity, and is amply rewarded for 
 the pains he has taken, - . . . 259 
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. 
 Of lies in general, and Mr. Lee-Stretton's in particular, - 265 
 
 CHAPTER XXIV. 
 
 In which Miss Woodward shows her gratitude to Sir 
 Arthur Blackstone by asking of him a favour, and an 
 Indian gentleman has bad news to tell, - - 274
 
 viii CONTENTS 
 
 PACG 
 
 CHAPTER XXV. 
 
 Of the way of a maid with two men, and of the tearful 
 
 prospect of a wedding, ... - 284 
 
 CHAPTER XXVI. 
 
 In which Mr. Jones confers great benefits upon Walham 
 Green, and himself derives benefit from the brazen 
 example of an Indian gentleman, ... 299 
 
 CHAPTER XXVII. 
 
 In which Mr. Jones is finally tamed, and Mr. Lee-Stretton 
 
 writes a hopeful letter to his mother, - - -314 
 
 CHAPTER XXVIII. 
 
 In which an Indian gentleman appears as a church-goer, 
 and Miss Woodward faints, most unmaidenly, into 
 the arms of a young man, .... 323 
 
 CHAPTER XXIX. 
 
 In which Sir Arthur Blackstone begins to entertain hope 
 
 for the future, - - - - - - ZZ^ 
 
 CHAPTER XXX. 
 
 Of the arrival in town of Captain Lee-Stretton and his 
 warder, of the discomfiture of Mr. Thompson, the 
 forwardness of a young lady, and the utter wretched- 
 ness of Bunny, ---..- 339 
 
 CHAPTER XXXI. 
 
 Of the moon and others, with a full account of all the 
 circumstances attending the breakage of a suburban 
 hall lamp, - - - - - - 35i 
 
 CHAPTER XXXI I. 
 
 In which are described a number of circumstances, from 
 the sufferings of a modern Prometheus to the hearty 
 farewell of an Indian gentleman, - - . 363
 
 ALL FOOLS. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 OF MR. LEE-STRETTON, HIS YE.'VRNINGS AFTER THE ROMANCE 
 OF LIFE, AND HOW FAR THEY LED HIM. 
 
 Mr. Douglas Lee-Stretton, better known to his im- 
 mediate friends by the name of "Bunny," had come to 
 London in order to prepare himself by dihgent study for a 
 Government appointment, which would, some day or other, 
 be offered for competition. To this end his parents had 
 placed him under the care of one Samuel Thompson, a 
 private tutor of many years' experience, in whose house the 
 dear boy would enjoy every advantage that money can 
 procure. This establishment, like m:ny others of its kind, 
 was located in South Kensington, in that great labyrinth of 
 respectable streets, which lies between High Street and the 
 Cromwell Road. From the window of Bunny's bedroom at 
 the top of the house, the tower of the Imperial Institute was 
 to be seen on a clear day, rising above the waste of roofs 
 with their irregular growth of chimney-pots. But the 
 window also afforded a glimpse of the street immediately 
 below, and, by leaning out, he could observe the passers-by 
 on either pavement. 
 
 It was one day, while thus leaning out, i'.ipe in mouth, 
 
 9
 
 lO ALL FOOLS 
 
 that Mr. Lee-Stretton first awoke to the romantic possi- 
 bilities of this great city. So many girls and young women 
 kept passing, daintily gloved and booted, with feathers 
 waving gracefully in their hats, and figures lithe or trim, 
 encased in the most becoming costumes. To Douglas 
 Lee-Stretton, fresh from the cloister-like seclusion of a 
 public school, each was an angel, nay, a divinity. The 
 great work upon Higher Mechanics, which lay open in- 
 vitingly upon the little table at the foot of the bed, would 
 not bear comparison with the outlook from the window. 
 His examination seemed very remote, even insignificant. 
 All his life lay before him in which to pass examinations, 
 but here was a problem which, his whole being told him, 
 called for instant solution. 
 
 All these lovely creatures, it seemed to him, were going 
 forth to be admired and loved, and, in due course, to fall in 
 love Avith someone of the sons of men. If only one of 
 them would have the goodness to fall in love with him, 
 what a difference it would make to his life ! Almost un- 
 consciously he drew in his head and turned to the looking- 
 glass. 
 
 His face was ruddy, wholesome, and — but for a mouth so 
 like a rabbit's as to appropriate the name " Bunny " — not 
 ill-looking. He was clad, after the manner of his kind, in a 
 morning-coat of vivid brown tweed, trousers to match, and 
 a dark blue waistcoat with red spots. A very high collar 
 tilted his chin at an uncomfortable angle, and his tie, a 
 butterfly bow, was gorgeous in dark green and red. 
 
 After gazing in the glass for some seconds, he turned 
 away with a complacent simper. 
 
 " I'll go, this very evening ! " he murmured. 
 
 Mr. Samuel Thompson's establishment was strictly limited 
 to seven pupils ; but of these only three slept in the house. 
 Mr. Blackstone, a second-lieutenant of militia, who was 
 allowed to entertain the hope of one day passing into the
 
 ALL FOOLS II 
 
 regular army, occupied the room next door to Bunny's ; and 
 a coloured gentleman, reading diligently with a view to the 
 Indian Civil Service, had an apartment on the floor be- 
 low. 
 
 The clock of a neighbouring church was just striking six, 
 when Bunny emerged from his bedroom and made his way 
 downstairs. His hair, parted with scrupulous precision, 
 formed a graceful curve over his right eyebrow. A strong 
 smell of brilliantine went with him. 
 
 He stopped at a door on the first floor and knocked. 
 
 " Come in," came a husky voice from within. 
 
 " Will you excuse me from dinner to-night, sir ? " said 
 Bunny, entering. 
 
 A little old man sat huddled up in an arm-chair by the 
 window, a weighty volume upon his knees. He must have 
 been dozing, for there was a sleepy peevishness in his voice 
 as he answered : 
 
 " Oh — er — yes, yes ! I — er — will inform Mrs. Thompson. 
 Er — go along with you ! " 
 
 " Thank you, sir," said Bunny, and was already closing 
 the door, when his tutor's voice stayed him. 
 
 " Er — Mr. Lee-Strelton ! " 
 
 " Yes, sir ? " 
 
 Bunny was back in the study again. 
 
 Mr. Thompson had risen, and was standing in the middle 
 of the room fingering his eye-glasses. His waistcoat half- 
 unbuttoned, his tie awry, together with a chronic stoop from 
 the shoulders, bespoke the life-long student, the confirmed 
 bookworm. 
 
 " Yes, sir ? " repeated Bunny, after a prolonged pause. 
 The tutor's wits had evidently gone wool-gathering. 
 
 " Er — oh, yes, yes ! " said Mr. Thompson, recollecting 
 himself with a snort. " I remember. I — er — wanted to 
 speak to you, Mr. Lee-Stretton. I — er — wanted to warn 
 you against the sin of intoxication."
 
 12 ALL FOOLS 
 
 " But I have never been drunk in my life, sir ! " suggested 
 Bunny, with a puzzled laugh. 
 
 " No — er — but you may be," said the tutor, fingering his 
 eye-glasses more assiduously than ever. " I — er — had a 
 pupil once who was a victim to — er — in fact, to chronic 
 alcoholism. And it was unpleasant — very disagreeable, I 
 may say. Young fellows, however nice and gentlemanly, 
 cannot be too careful. Mr. Blackstone has — er — I regret 
 to say, returned home upon more than one occasion in 
 a state of intoxication. He is — er — a very nice, gentle- 
 manly young fellow. Otherwise, I should have requested 
 him to leave — er — in fact, long ago." 
 
 " Indeed ! " ejaculated Bunny, for want of something 
 better to say. 
 
 " And I had another pupil, years ago — er — he's a judge 
 in India now — who had a mania for — er — in fact, for 
 getting married. He actually considered himself as engaged 
 to a young woman in this neighbourhood— er — a very low, 
 dressed-up person — the daughter of an artist, I think she 
 called herself. He — er — he had the impertinence to bring 
 her here to dinner once, giving Mrs. Thompson to under- 
 stand that she was — er — was his sister. It was unpleasant 
 — very unpleasant. He had to pay heavy damages for — er 
 — for breach of promise, I recollect. I wish to warn you, 
 Mr. Lee Stretton, against all females. There are — er — 
 thousands of dressed-up young creatures in this neighbour- 
 hood whose dearest wish it is to — er — to capture nice, gentle- 
 manly young fellows." 
 
 Luckily for Bunny, there was but little light in the room, 
 so that Mr. Thompson could not see Iiis blushes. 
 
 "All right, sir; I'll remember," he snid. "Good 
 evening ! " 
 
 " Good evening, Mr. Lce-Stretton ! By the way — er — 
 you're a nice, gentlemanly young fellow ; have a cigar I " 
 
 Bunny, cij^ar in mouth, ran upstairs to Blackstone's room.
 
 ALL FOOLS 13 
 
 That gentleman \vas lolling in an arm-chair, reading a novel 
 by the light of a bedroom candle. 
 
 "Well, young un, what's the row?" he asked, flinging 
 the book on to the bed and stretching to the full extent of 
 his six foot four of stature. " That cigar smells good. I 
 don't mind trying one if you've got any more." 
 
 "I say, I'm off for the evening," said Bunny, ignoring the 
 hint ; " but where's the best place to go to if you want to 
 meet ladies ? " 
 
 " Depends upon what sort of ladies you want," said 
 Blackstone, eyeing him curiously. 
 
 "Young ladies, I mean, of course," said Bunny, blushing. 
 
 " There's a girls' school just round the corner, and there's 
 
 a church only two doors off," suggested Blackstone. " Bless 
 
 you, bless you, my innocent babe ! " he cried suddenly, 
 
 leaping up and seizing Bunny by the collar. 
 
 And he began an excited war-dance round the room, 
 dragging his victim with him. 
 
 " I say, shut up, you know ! " gasped Bunny, almost 
 purple in the face. " You're spoiling my collar — confound 
 it ! — and I shall have to brush my hair again ! " 
 
 A loud tapping came from the room beneath them. 
 Blackstone left hold of his victim and listened. 
 
 " It's that fool, Brown Geegee, or whatever his name is. 
 He fancies we're disturbing him. I say. Bunny, let's go 
 down and strangle him ! " 
 
 But Bunny had already made good his escape to his own 
 room. Thence, having changed his crumpled collar for a 
 clean one, straightened his tie, and brushed his hair once 
 more into geometrical smugness, he descended the stairs, 
 took his hat and stick from a peg in the hall, and sallied 
 forth into the street. 
 
 A narrowing vista of lamps stretched away into the 
 haze on either hand. The bells of a neighbouring church 
 were ringing to evensong. He turned to the right and
 
 14 ALL FOOLS 
 
 wandered somewhat aimlessly forth in a westerly direction. 
 The glamour of the lighted streets was upon him, the 
 involuntary feeling of fatalism which seizes upon the lonely 
 item of a crowd. Here was he, a more or less irresponsible 
 human being, let loose in this great, orderly chaos of 
 London at night, a newly-awakened sense of its romantic 
 possibilities for his only guide. From a neighbouring 
 street came the semi-martial blare of a German band. 
 Athwart the chaotic straining of tired instruments, he was 
 aware of the notes of a popular air, and his feet kept time 
 to the tune. 
 
 Fair creatures of the other sex often passed him, and at 
 such times Bunny's heart beat tumultuously, and his eyes 
 fixed themselves, in spite of him, upon the ground, until 
 the disturbing petticoats became but a dark flutter in the 
 distance. 
 
 " This is no good," he thought at length, stopping by a 
 lamp-post to look at his watch. " It's half-past seven, and 
 I haven't dared to look one of them in the face yet. I 
 must find some place to have dinner. A glass of beer '11 
 put me in courage." 
 
 The region into which he had strayed was quite unknown 
 to him. He was in a long street which seemed to end in a 
 blind wall, covered with advertisements, beyond which was 
 a railway line, to judge by the little round lights, red, green, 
 and yellow, which gleamed like eyes out of the blackness, 
 and the occasional shriek of an engine. The houses on 
 either hand were of a dingy, two-storied respectability, of no 
 interest save to their owners. Bunny's footsteps echoed and 
 re-echoed in the deserted street. 
 
 He walked up to the wall at the end, in the hope of 
 finding some outlet. There was a little paved passage on 
 the left, between iron posts. It ran along the wall, papered 
 with advertisements, past a row of gloomy cottages, before 
 whose doors a number of children were playing, prone or
 
 ALL FOOLS 15 
 
 on all fours, and ended in an archway beside a glaring 
 public-house. 
 
 Through this unsavoury alley Bunny strode, not 
 without misgivings, switching his legs spasmodically with 
 his walking-stick. The children raised a shout of derision 
 as he passed, and a loafer in the doorway of the public- 
 house muttered " Gloves, s'elp me ! " and broke into a 
 roar of laughter. Then he passed under tlie archway and 
 emerged, with a sigh of relief, into a wide and brilliantly 
 lighted street. 
 
 He paused before a shop window, and pulled off his 
 gloves, putting them carefully into his pocket. Being 
 peculiarly sensitive to ridicule, the loafer's remark had not 
 been lost upon him. 
 
 A little further down the street was an Italian restaurant. 
 The display in the window, consisting of a few tomatoes 
 and some stale pastry, was scarcely appetising in itself. 
 But a smell of fried meat and onions streamed from the 
 open door, hardly to be resisted. Bunny, who was very 
 hungry at that moment, passed into the shop and sat down 
 at a little table vvi'ith a much-stained marble top, in the 
 corner remote from the street. A waiter in a high state of 
 grease brought him a bill of fare with a whole pattern of 
 dirty thumb-marks upon it ; and, during the perusal thereof, 
 dusted the table caressingly and pensively with a soiled 
 napkin. 
 
 Bunny chose steak r.nd onions. That would not be 
 ready, the waiter said, for twenty minutes. Bunny could 
 afford to wait. With his latch-key in his pocket, he had all 
 night before him. So he leaned back in his seat, and fell 
 to lighting a cigarette. In so doing, a diamond in the ring 
 upon his little finger flashed in the gaslight. It was not a 
 very large diamond, neither was it a stone of the very first 
 water ; still it was a diamond, and of some value. Two 
 Germans, sitting chatting over their coffee, at the next
 
 1 6 ALL FOOLS 
 
 table to him, grinned and nudged each other, as they 
 noticed it. Besides these two Germans, there was only one 
 other customer in the restaurant— a young lady, immediately 
 facing Bunny, at a table by herself. To this lady, con- 
 sistently with his character of knight errant, Mr. Lee- 
 Stretton devoted his attention. Though her eyes were 
 fixed upon her plate, and her veil, rolled up under her hat, 
 concealed the colour of her fringe, if she wore such a thing, 
 he could see that she was beautiful. The childish, oval 
 face, the delicately pencilled eyebrows, the arc of each eye- 
 lid with its long fringe of dark lashes, the red lips with their 
 slight but infinitely provoking pout — all made an instan- 
 taneous impression upon Bunny. She was so prettily dressed, 
 too — ^just like the ladies he had seen and admired from his 
 bedroom window at Sammy's. That was the sort of girl 
 to fall in love with — a girl, who knew how to dress well and 
 look her best upon all occasions. A man need never be 
 ashamed of a womnn like that. She was none of your 
 dowdies anyhow ! 
 
 While he was thus musing, gazing fixedly at the subject 
 of his thoughts, the lady suddenly raised her eyes and 
 looked him straight in the face. It was really very discon- 
 certing. If she was going to behave like that, he would 
 never dare to look at her again. However, when he at 
 length ventured to glance once more in her direction, her 
 eyes were cast down as before, and he was allowed to gaze 
 at her for some minutes without interruption. He had 
 finished two cigarettes, when the waiter appeared with the 
 steak and onions, and Bunny, being very hungr)', fell to 
 with a will. 
 
 Now, as it is impossible, or nearly so, for a man to eat 
 steak and onions without an occasional glance at his plate, 
 Mr. Lee-Stretton's eyes were necessarily less entirely at the 
 service of the lady opposite. And the lady opposite, having 
 finished her meal, and being engaged in the perusal of an
 
 ALL FOOLS 17 
 
 illustrated paper, ought certainly never to have looked at 
 Bunny. Nevertheless it is a fact that, so long as the steak 
 and onions lasted. Bunny and the lady opposite were the 
 two extremities of a kind of ocular see-saw, worked from a 
 point midway between them — presumably by the little god 
 of Love, or his baby sister, the infant goddess of Bashfulness. 
 For, whenever Bunny looked up from his plate, the lady 
 opposite looked down at her paper, and whenever the lady 
 opposite looked up from her paper, Bunny instantly looked 
 down at his plate. 
 
 The steak and onions and a tankard of beer being dis- 
 posed of, Bunny called for his bill. At the same time the 
 lady opposite, having buttoned her gloves, drew down her 
 veil, picked up her umbrella, and glided noiselessly from 
 the shop. Bunny was glad that she did it noiselessly. 
 Creaking boots would have come as a disillusion. The 
 Germans still sat at their table. They seemed to watch his 
 movements with some interest. 
 
 In a great hurry Bunny paid his bill, and the waiter 
 bowed him to the door. He paused on the threshold to 
 look eagerly up and down the street. There she was, not 
 twenty yards distant, looking into a milliner's window. 
 His heart in his mouth, he approached her with an elaborate 
 flourish of his hat. 
 
 " I — I beg your pardon, but I — I hope you enjoyed your 
 supper ! " 
 
 " Very much, thank you," said the girl, laughing. " But 
 why do you ask ? I don't think I have had the pleasure of 
 meeting you before ! " 
 
 " Oh, pray, don't mention it ! " murmured Bunny irre- 
 levantly, again raising his hat. " But I say, you know ! 
 you ought not to be out alone at this time of night. I should 
 like to escort you home, if you'll allow me." 
 
 She looked up into his face with an amused smile. 
 
 " I can take care of myself, thank you," she said. " I'm 
 
 B
 
 1 8 ALL FOOLS 
 
 a Londoner, you see, and that means a good deal to a girl. 
 I can get on quite well alone." 
 
 The look of disappointment which overspread Bunny's 
 face at these words would have melted a harder heart than 
 ever beat within a maiden's stays. Besides, it was such an 
 honest face — so guileless, so easy to be read. Noting all 
 these points in his favour, she relented and said : 
 
 " However, I shall be very glad of your company, if you 
 don't mind walking part of the way with me." 
 
 " Delighted ! " murmured Bunny, and they walked on 
 side by side. 
 
 Here was a wonderful chapter of accidents. If Bunny 
 had never taken to looking out of his bedroom window, or, 
 looking out, had confined his attention to the tower of the 
 Imperial Institute and the heavenward aspect of things, he 
 would never have wandered out in search of adventure. 
 And if he had never set out in search of adventure, he 
 would never have come upon the Italian restaurant. And 
 if he had not been very hungry, he would never certainly 
 have been tempted by the show of tomatoes and pastry in 
 the window. And if he had never set foot in the restaurant, 
 he would never have set eyes on the pretty girl now walking 
 by his side. And if his courage had not been strengthened 
 by the infusion of a certain quantity of beer into his 
 system — But where was the good of tracing it all out? 
 There she was at his side, and he suddenly awoke from his 
 reverie to the fact that she was asking him a question. 
 
 " Do you live anywhere about here ? " 
 
 " To tell you the truth I don't quite know where I 
 am." 
 
 *• This is Bilbury Road, West Kensington or Hammer- 
 smith, whichever you like." 
 
 "By Jove, though, I must have come a long way!" 
 cried Bunny, aghast. He knew vaguely that Hammersmith 
 was on the river, somewhere between Putney and Mortlake,
 
 ALL FOOLS 19 
 
 having read as much in reports of the University boat-race. 
 " I say, I've got to get back to South Kensington 
 to-night." 
 
 " You're a country bumpkin, anyone can see that," she 
 laughed. " What a funny boy you are ! " 
 
 " I know London pretty well," he said, with some dignity, 
 " but not this end. What's that ? " 
 
 They had left the more crowded streets behind them, and 
 were now walking along between two rows of semi-detached 
 houses, each with a small patch of garden in front. Gas- 
 lamps here were few and far between. The girl stopped 
 and looked round, startled by the suddenness of her com- 
 panion's exclamation. She had a mass of rich brown hair 
 coiled simply under her hat, and the nape of her neck shone 
 white as ocean-foam as she bent forward to Hsten. 
 
 " I see nothing," she said. " How you made me 
 jump ! " 
 
 " I thought I saw a man slinking along by the railings," 
 said Bunny, half-ashamed of himself. " I could swear I 
 saw him run past that lamp over there." 
 
 " The wind is rising," said the girl reassuringly. " It 
 makes the shadows of the shrubs move in a horribly weird 
 way. Will you tell me the time at the next lamp, please ? 
 I'm afraid it must be getting dreadfully late, and I'm bound 
 to be home by ten." 
 
 It was only just nine o'clock, and Bunny had little ditifi- 
 culty in persuading his enchantress to prolong their walk. 
 But she rejected the offer of his arm with something very 
 like disdain, stamping her foot imperiously, and calling him 
 a silly boy, when he protested with an introductory, " I say, 
 you know," that it was " too hard on a fellow." 
 
 So they walked on side by side, chatting friendly enough 
 upon all manner of topics, until the lady turned sharp 
 round, and declared that it was time to go home. The 
 wind had by this time driven what fog there had been into
 
 20 ALL FOOLS 
 
 the remote distance. The moon, almost a perfect disc, 
 had risen above the chimney-pots to eastward, and every 
 house, every lamppost, every pillar-box, was a rudimentary 
 study in black and white. 
 
 " I must say good-night here," she said, with a little 
 sigh. They had come to a point where a road branched off 
 to the right. " Thank you so much ! Good-night ! " 
 
 " But I say, you know ! " exclaimed Bunny, loth to 
 release the hand she had given him, " I can't let you 
 go like this. Why, you haven't even told me your 
 name ! " 
 
 " Millicent Woodward." 
 " And your address ? " 
 
 " You'll never remember it," she said, hesitating. " Be- 
 sides, what can it matter to you ? " 
 
 " It does matter very much to me," protested Bunny 
 fervently. " I — I think I should die if I thought I should 
 never see you again ! " 
 
 Moved by this touching appeal, even to laughter, Miss 
 Woodward gave him her address, and having accepted 
 Bunny's card in exchange, was about to hurry away, when 
 he detained her. 
 
 " I say, I can't really part from you like this, you know, 
 Miss Woodward," he said. " When shall we meet again ? 
 We might have dinner together, and go to the theatre or 
 something. Which evening shall it be ? " 
 
 *' I can't possibly go out in the evening, it makes me so 
 late getting home. But I can manage a matinee. Could 
 you be at Victoria (Underground) Station on Saturday 
 about one o'clock. I go to business in the City every 
 day, you sec, and so I'd rather not come back all this way 
 to Kensington if I could help it. Are you quite sure that 
 will suit you ? " 
 
 Bunny was quite sure. 
 
 " But I say, you know," he pleaded, blushing at his own
 
 ALL FOOLS 21 
 
 effrontery, "would you very much mind if I gave you a 
 kiss ? " 
 
 He seized her hand, but she broke away from him, and, 
 with a merry laugh, ran off down the road. When she had 
 passed the first lamp-post she turned and waved her 
 hand. 
 
 " Don't forget Saturday ! " she called. 
 
 " I sha'n't forget ! No jolly fear ! " shouted Bunny 
 confidently.
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 IN WHICH, TO QUOTE FROM THE LATIN GRAMMAR, " FOR- 
 TUNE PLAYS AN INSOLENT GAME " WITH MR. LEE- 
 STRETTON ; WITH SOME ACCOUNT OF THE HEROIC 
 CONDUCT OF AN INDIAN GENTLEMAN. 
 
 Bunny watched her out of sight, and then looked at his 
 watch. A quarter to ten ! He had had enough of romance 
 for one night. He would go home and think it over at 
 leisure. Saturday was not so far off, that was one blessing. 
 
 But this region was quite unknown to him. In which 
 direction was South Kensington, he wondered. However, 
 it was no good waiting there at the corner of two silent and 
 deserted streets. He would walk back by the way he had 
 come, and ask the advice of the first human being he 
 should meet. 
 
 He had gone about two hundred yards, when a man 
 started out from the shadow of the houses and barred the 
 way before him. He fancied that it was one of the Ger- 
 mans who sat near him in the restaurant. The man's 
 attitude was defiant, even threatening. 
 
 " Can you tell me the shortest way to South Kensington, 
 sir?" faltered Bunny, in great trepidation. 
 
 The man seemed puzzled. He scratched his head, and 
 it was some seconds before he answered. 
 
 " Ach ! You ask me de vay ? " 
 
 " I say, I should be much obliged if you could tell me, 
 you know ! " said Bunny. 
 
 " Come ! I will show you," said the man. " But I have
 
 ALL FOOLS 23 
 
 a friend who — ha, ha ! — have also lost his way. Wo bist 
 du, Fritz ? " 
 
 A second figure emerged from the shadow of the houses. 
 There was no doubt about it now in Bunny's mind. These 
 were no other than his neighbours of the restaurant. He 
 might have been mistaken in one, but the two together left 
 no room for doubt. 
 
 "Fritz, my friend, you have heard? De mister vant 
 know de vay to Sout Kensington. You also vish to go to 
 Sout Kensington. Come ! I vill show you even de 
 shortest vay ! " 
 
 Bunny felt the strongest distaste to a walk in such com- 
 pany. He had the true British distrust of everything 
 foreign, and the man's broken English seemed more sinister 
 than even his former aggressiveness, to Mr. Lee-Stretton's 
 mind. But there was no help for it. 
 
 The German who had first appeared led the way, while 
 Fritz hnked his arm in Bunny's and sputtered German- 
 English in his ear with easy familiarity. In this order they 
 threaded their way through a maze of more or less respect- 
 able roads, until they came to a noisy, squalid thoroughfare, 
 where public-houses and fried fish shops seemed to do a 
 thriving trade, and where costers cried their wares upon the 
 edge of the pavement by the light of flaring torches, whose 
 flames blew this way and that, as if their object were to find 
 something worth setting on fire. Then the guide turned 
 into a side alley, having a blind wall on one hand and some 
 tall, dilapidated houses on the other, and knocked at a door. 
 
 " But, I say, surely this can't be the way to South Ken- 
 sington ! " Bunny exclaimed, turning up his nose at the 
 wretched appearance of the street and the evil smell 
 thereof 
 
 At that moment the door was opened from within. 
 
 " I tell you it is de shortest vay ! " said the guide, with 
 an impatient shrug.
 
 24 ALL FOOLS 
 
 " But, I say, you know — " 
 
 He got no further, for at that moment Fritz gave him a 
 sudden and violent push, which sent him sprawling into the 
 dimly-lighted passage. Then somebody sat upon him, and 
 crushed most of the breath out of his body. The door 
 shut with a bang, and he could hear someone putting up 
 the chain. 
 
 " Now den, get up ! " cried the guide. At the same time 
 the weight was removed from his body. Bunny rose, con- 
 scious of many bruises, and looked about him with dazed 
 eyes. 
 
 The guide was standing beside him, holding his walking- 
 stick, dropped in the fall, at a threatening angle. Fritz had 
 picked up his billycock hat, and was stroking its crown 
 lovingly in the first rapture of possession. A fat, Jewish- 
 looking woman, very dirty, was standing at the foot of the 
 stairs with a candle in one hand. With the other she was 
 busy rearranging her skirt, which gave signs of recent 
 crushing. 
 
 " Leeza, you are vun big dam fool ! " said the false guide, 
 turning angrily to the woman. " Vat for you vant to sit on 
 him vid de candle in your hand ? You shpoil his nice new 
 suit vid de grease ! " 
 
 " Fool yerself ! " said the woman. "Why, if I 'adn't set 
 upon him that very minute 'e'd as like as not 'ave got up 
 and made a bolt for it, and we'd 've 'ad the slops round in 
 no time ! " 
 
 " Vel, it no goot talking ! " put in Fritz impatiently. 
 " Ve have business to do, and ve must do it kvick ! " 
 
 " Ach, so ! Come, mister ! Come vid me ! " said the 
 first speaker, and, snatching the candle from the woman, he 
 led the way upstairs. 
 
 Bunny had no choice but to obey. He followed the 
 German to a dingy room on the first floor, redolent of beer 
 and stale tobacco-smoke. Thick brown curtains of orjce
 
 ALL FOOLS 25 
 
 good material, now faded and moth-eaten, concealed the 
 window. The floor was uncarpeted, but had once been 
 stained and varnished. The table lacked one leg, but this 
 want was supplied artificially by means of a packing-case 
 set on end. A sofa, whose stuffing bulged out at twenty 
 rents, was set against the wall ; an arm-chair with no casters 
 stood beside the fireplace ; three or four cane-bottomed 
 chairs and a coloured print of the German Emperor above 
 the mantelpiece completed the furniture of the room, whose 
 general aspect was shabby in the extreme. 
 
 The guide, having set down the candle, turned to Leeza 
 and Fritz, who had just entered, and said a few words to 
 them in a low tone. Then he stepped across to the door, 
 which he locked, putting the key in his pocket. 
 
 " But, I say, let me go, you know," Bunny began to pro- 
 test. " It's too bad ! I wanted to know the shortest way 
 to South Kensington, and you — " 
 
 "If de mister make any fuss, ve show him de shortest 
 vay to heaven — not so, Fritz ? " 
 
 Fritz grinned assent, showing a row of yellow teeth, 
 broken in two places. 
 
 " Now, you do just vat I tell you. Give me de diamond 
 ring ! " 
 
 Bunny obeyed with an inward groan. The utter help- 
 lessness of his position was maddening. Besides, he had 
 been so happy only a few short minutes ago in his new- 
 found romance. 
 
 " Now, then, you've got what you wanted. Let me go," 
 he exclaimed, in a voice choking with anger and mortifica- 
 tion. 
 
 The two Germans looked at each other and laughed. 
 
 *' I dink ve have not kvite done vid de mister yet — eh, 
 Fritz ? " 
 
 " Not kvite — only vun leetle minute longer," responded 
 Fritz, with an evil chuckle.
 
 26 ALL FOOLS 
 
 Bunny saw plainly that anger would not help him. It 
 only provoked the mirth of his tormentors. He did his 
 best to seem at ease. Glancing round the room with a 
 nervous assumption of unconcern, bis eyes encountered the 
 portrait of the German Emperor. 
 
 " Rather a good likeness, I shjuld think," he said, eyeing 
 the print ci ideally. He had an unreasoning desire to turn 
 the conversation from himself for a while, and thus gain 
 time for thought. 
 
 " Now, den, mister, shtrip," said the spokesman, paying 
 no heed to this pitiful attempt at diversion. 
 
 " What ? " cried Bunny, his eyes starting out of his head 
 with amazement and horror. 
 
 " Shtrip ! " 
 
 " But, I say, you know, I can't, really," he protested, 
 with a blushing glance at the Jewish-looking woman. 
 
 The Germans broke into a shout of derisive laughter. 
 
 " Ach, I forget ! " exclaimed the spokesman, in mocking 
 tones. " Leeza, you vicked, unmodest, damfool woman ! 
 De mister vish to undress himself. Get avay at vunce ! " 
 
 " 'Ow can I get away, when you know you've got the key 
 in yer pocket? " said the woman, with a grin. 
 
 "Ach, so! See, I unlock de door. Now, go kvickly. 
 And, Leeza, bring de new clodes for de mister, and put 
 dem outside de door." 
 
 The door was again locked, and the German repeated 
 his order. 
 
 " Shtrip ! " 
 
 " But, I say, you know ! — " 
 
 "Shtrip, I tell you !" 
 
 There was nothing for it. Bunny divested himself of his 
 coat and waistcoat. 
 
 " Now let me go," he said. 
 
 " Shtrip," cried the German angrily. " Go on shtripping. 
 Shtrip as naked as ven you vas born 1 "
 
 ALL FOOLS 27 
 
 Bunny muttered a monosyllabic curse, which set both 
 the men laughing afresh. He removed his garments one 
 by one, until nothing was left. Then he shivered, and his 
 bare feet were painfully conscious of little inequalities in 
 the floor. 
 
 Fritz took possession of the cast-off garments, and 
 retired with them to the sofa, while his companion unlocked 
 the door and stej'ped out. He reappeared at once with 
 what seemed, at first sight, to be a bundle of rags, from 
 which a pair of tattered boots depended. He flung the 
 bundle down at Bunny's feet. 
 
 " Dere, put dose on," he said. 
 
 " But, I say, you know, this is robbery. Give me back 
 my own clothes," cried the victim, with a shiver. 
 
 " Dese are your own clodes. I give dem to you. De 
 exchange is not robbery, say de English. So also say de 
 Germans. Stay, I vill help you. I vill be your valet de 
 chambre.^' 
 
 Nothing was to be gained by resistance, and it was 
 impossible to leave the house naked. Bunny, with the aid 
 of the German, donned the all too scanty supply of rags ; 
 and at length, the boots being fastened with string, liis 
 toilet was declared complete. 
 
 " Vait," said the German, regarding Bunny with a nicely 
 critical eye. " Your face is too clean." 
 
 He plucked a piece of coal from the grate and rubbed 
 his hands upon it. Then he fell to fingering Bunny's face 
 and neck assiduously, and finally, having rubbed his 
 victim's hair into disorder, and set a battered billycock 
 upon his head, stood back to survey the whole. 
 
 " Shplendid ! " he cried. " But vait ! I vill show you to 
 yourself." 
 
 He fetched a cracked hand-mirror from the mantelshelf 
 and held it before Bunny, who uttered a cry of despair at 
 what he beheld there. Was it possible ? Could it be really
 
 28 ALL FOOLS 
 
 he ? From earliest childhood, a belief had grown up with 
 him, that a gentleman will seem a gentleman, whatever his 
 garb, even though reduced to beggary ; now he was cruelly 
 disillusioned. He saw in the mirror before him the hang- 
 dog face of a confirmed ne'er-do-weel of the criminal class. 
 In time past, he had never looked at that sort of person 
 without a shudder. It seemed hard to believe that a little 
 coal, a suit of rags, and a battered hat could suffice to 
 transform Douglas Lee-Stretton, a young gentleman with 
 pretentions to dandyism of a horsey kind, into the revolting 
 picture of crime and wretchedness now before his eyes. 
 
 He shuddered, as the mirror was withdrawn. 
 
 " Now let me go ! " he said. 
 
 " Yes, now you vill go ! " said the German mockingly. 
 "I vill show you de shortest vay to Sout Kensington. 
 Come, Fritz." 
 
 He had already unlocked and opened the door, when 
 Fritz said something to him in German. 
 
 " Ach, I forget ! " he exclaimed. " Dere is vun leetle 
 ding ve must do to you, mister, before you go." 
 
 He drew from his coat-pocket an exceedingly dirty 
 handkerchief, and proceeded to blindfold Bunny, tying 
 the bandage so tight that it made the patient's head 
 ache. 
 
 " Oh, I say, you know — " protested Bunny. 
 
 " It no goot talking ! Come, Fritz." 
 
 Bunny was hustled from the room, the Germans taking 
 each an arm. Downstairs they went, and then down more 
 stairs, to a place where the air was chill and clammy and 
 there was an earthy smell. Bunny shuddered, remember- 
 ing Monte Cristo and his dungeon. Then, for some 
 time, they seemed to go round and round in a circle. Then 
 came more stairs, ascending this time. They went along a 
 passage ; then a door opened in front of them and shut 
 behind them. The night air blew cold upon Bunny's face.
 
 ALL FOOLS 29 
 
 and showed a surprising knack of finding out the weak 
 places in his tattored garments. His boots scrunched on 
 gravel. A gate was opened, and Fritz went forward, to 
 reconnoitre presumably. Then he was hustled on once 
 more, and his unwieldy boots clattered on pavement. For 
 what seemed to him a very long time, he was led on, round 
 sharp corners, across v.-ide roads, now going fairly straight, 
 now travelling in a circle. He realised that all this was 
 done to mystify him, and fancied that one and the same 
 street was the scene of all these manoeuvres. 
 
 At length a heavy footfall was heard approaching. 
 " It de damfool slop," cried Fritz hastily. " Let loose de 
 bandage — kvick ! " 
 
 After some fumbling, which involved such pulling of hair 
 as sent tlie water to the victim's eyes, the knot was untied 
 and the handkerchief was hastily removed from Bunny's 
 face. The two thieves took to their heels. 
 
 It was some time ere Bunny recovered from the dazed 
 condition in which they left him ; and, when at length he 
 looked about him, they were nowhere to be seen. 
 
 *' Now, then ; move on. None o' your loit'rin' about 
 'ere." The heavy hand of a policeman was laid upon his 
 shoulder. 
 
 " I say, you know, I wasn't really loitering," murmured 
 Bunny apologetically. " I've been robbed and ill-treated, 
 that's all ! Will you kindly tell me the shortest way to 
 South Kensington ? " 
 
 " None o' yer cheek," said the constable impatiently. 
 " You know the way to South Kensington as well as I do ; 
 get along with yer." 
 
 Forgetting his rags for the moment. Bunny adopted a 
 dignified tone. 
 
 " I think you are a very insolent chap," he said. " I 
 shall remember your number and report you." 
 
 " Now, then, no more o' your play-actin'. Move on, I
 
 30 ALL FOOLS 
 
 tell yer. li" you want to go to South Kensington, get along ; 
 I can't 'ave you loit'rin' about 'ere." 
 
 The inclination of the policeman's head, as he spoke of 
 South Kensington, gave Bunny a useful hint as to the 
 direction in which that much-wished-for goal lay. He set 
 off without more ado, the loose soles of his boots, clattering 
 unevenly as he went. 
 
 The policeman looked after him, not without suspicion. 
 
 "Thai's a smart young chap," he mused. *"E's got the 
 accent of the Arry Stockrussy wonderful pat. But 'e over- 
 does it — there's the rub — '5 overdoes it. They all do. 
 That's 'ow they're copped at last. Too many ' I says ' and 
 ' you knows ' ; but I shouldn't wonder if that young chap 
 'ad a great future before 'im in the burglary line, if only 
 someone 'd lend 'im a decent suit o' clothes." 
 
 Bunny hurried on through the pale lights and black 
 shadows of the moonlit streets, keeping as far as possible 
 in the direction indicated by the poHceman, until he came 
 to a place where five roads met. Here he was again at 
 fault. In despair, he was about to take the road which'led 
 nearly straight ahead, when the door of a house close by 
 opened and a gentleman in evening dress came down the 
 steps. 
 
 Raising his battered billycock. Bunny accosted him. 
 
 "I beg your pardon, but I say, can you tell me the 
 nearest way to South Kensington ? I've lost my way. It's 
 beastly awkward, you know ! " 
 
 The gentleman" stared aghast at him, hastily buttoning 
 his greatcoat to hide his gold watch-chain. 
 
 "Well, you're the rummest beggar I ever met," he 
 muttered. " Here's a copper for you, my man ! Go up 
 that road, take the first turning on the right, then the 
 fourth on the left, and keep straight on, and you'll come to 
 South Kensington Station." 
 
 The gentleman passed on, leaving Bunny staring, with
 
 ALL FOOLS 31 
 
 tears in his eyes, at the penny which had been given to 
 him. The cup of his degradation was full to overflowing. 
 What would Miss Woodward think if she could see him 
 now? 
 
 Choking down a sob, he set off once more and, by dint 
 of following the directions given with the penny, arrived at 
 length at his tutor's door. His troubles were over at last. 
 He would creep quietly up to bed, and nobody would be 
 any the wiser. His right hand wandered to the place 
 where his trouser's pocket was wont to be. Then he 
 remembered ! His latchkey was in the pocket of his 
 trousers in the German's house at Hammersmith, or where- 
 ever it was. 
 
 He must knock and ring. Perhaps somebody might 
 still be awake. Brown Geegee, the coloured gentleman, 
 often sat up reading until one and two in the morning. He 
 went up to the door and gave a loud double knock. How 
 it echoed in the silent street ! Then he rang the bell. 
 
 After some delay the door was stealthily opened a very 
 little way, and a brown face with bright almond eyes peeped 
 cautiously out. 
 
 " Oh, Brown Geegee, old chap ! It's only me ! " cried 
 Bunny wistfully. 
 
 But Brown Geegee had seen quite enough of the dis- 
 reputable visitor upon the doorstep. With a shrill cry of 
 " Murder ! " he slammed the door in poor Bunny's face. 
 The chain rattled into its place and, to make security more 
 sure. Brown Geegee evidently leaned his whole weight 
 against the door, for a dull thud followed the rattle of the 
 chain. 
 
 Bunny was in an awkward position. That cry of murder 
 would surely bring a dozen policemen to the scene of the 
 supposed crime. He must hasten from the spot, unless he 
 wished to be arrested on suspicion. But to go away would 
 be to give up his last chance of going to bed that night.
 
 32 ALL FOOLS 
 
 A bright idea flashed upon his brain. At the back of the 
 house there was a small garden with a gate abutting on 
 another street. From the top of the garden wall he might 
 manage to climb on to the roof of the class-room, within easy 
 reach of Sammy's bedroom window. 
 
 He hurried round the corner to the garden gate and, 
 without much difficulty, gained the top of the wall. But 
 to climb to the roof of the outhouse was no easy matter. 
 After many fruitless attempts, he at length succeeded in 
 getting firm hold of the gutter-pipe, and was preparing to 
 pull himself up, when — crash ! a whole length of the piping 
 broke away beneath his weight and fell with a great clatter 
 upon the gravel below. Luckily for the safety of his limbs, 
 he had not quitted his foothold upon the wall. 
 
 The noise did not pass unnoticed. The window of Mr. 
 Samuel Thompson's bedroom was flung open and a female 
 head thrust out. A piercing shriek rent the night. 
 
 " Fire ! I mean, thieves ! " 
 
 Bunny crouched low, so as to be hidden from sight. He 
 was just within the shadow of the house, and the moonlight, 
 which played upon the garden and the rest of the wall, 
 only made the darkness of his corner more black and 
 impenetrable. He had had no time to grow used to the 
 discomfort of his cramped position when the door leading 
 to the garden was unbolted, and Brown Geegee stole 
 cautiously forth. He carried in his hand a gun of very 
 ancient make, which was wont to hang in the tutor's study. 
 It had been loaded for twenty years past in case of 
 emergency. 
 
 Bunny, crouching upon the wall, heard a stealthy tread 
 upon the gravel below, and looked down. 
 
 " Brown Geegee ! " he murmured soothingly, " dear old 
 Brown Geegee ! Good old chap, don't make a fuss ! It's 
 only me — Bunny ! " 
 
 But Brown Geegee did not wait to hear the end of his
 
 ALL FOOLS 33 
 
 speech. At the first sound of his own name he flung his 
 gun far from him and fled into the house, crying : 
 
 " Murder ! Devils ! " 
 
 A .piercing shriek carne from the bedroom window above. 
 
 " Murder ! Help ! PoUce ! " 
 
 It was followed by a loud, unnatural laugh. Then came 
 another shriek, then more laughter. Mrs. Thompson, a 
 nervous lady at the best of times, had taken refuge in 
 hysterics. 
 
 Upper windows were now thrown open all along the 
 street, and the night was troublous with angry cries of 
 " Police ! " 
 
 Bunny lay prone along the top of the wall, scarcely 
 daring to breathe. He believed that the end of the world 
 was come at last. His heart beat so loud that the sound 
 of approaching footsteps seemed distant and unreal by 
 comparison. 
 
 " Get over the gate, Tom, and search the garden while 
 I stand 'ere and guard the wall ! " 
 
 There was a mighty panting and puffing as some heavy 
 body clambered over the gate. Then came a dull thud, 
 followed by the scrunching of gravel. 
 
 " All right, Tom ? " 
 
 " All right ! " 
 
 Heavy footfalls grated on the gravel below. Then came 
 a whistle. 
 
 " 'Ave you found him, Tom ? " 
 
 " No, not 'im ; but Fve found 'is gun." 
 
 " Whew ! Attempted burglary with violence — that's 
 what it is ! " 
 
 There was a shuffling sound upon the pavement. Some- 
 one in slippers was drawing near. 
 
 '* Have you caught him, Mr. Policeman ? " 
 
 It was the voice of Brown Geegee. 
 
 " No, sir, not yet ; but we've got is gun. Must be a
 
 34 ALL l-OOLS 
 
 'ardened villain or, a madman to carry such a weapon as a 
 gun about with 'im.*' 
 
 " Oh : " gasped Brown Geegee. " Tlien he might have 
 killed me when I went out into the garden to look for him. 
 Catch him, Mr. Constable — catch him quick, and let me 
 spit upon him ! " 
 
 "We'll catch 'im, sir, never fear," said the policeman 
 confidently. 
 
 Bunny could bear it no longer. He scrambled to his 
 feet and stretched out his hands entreatingly. 
 
 " Brown Geegee, old chap, don't you know me ?" 
 
 There was a muttered curse in Hindustani, a violent 
 shuffling, and Brown Geegee was nowhere to be seen. 
 
 The policeman laughed up in Bunny's face. 
 
 " 'E's left his slipper be'ind," he remarked, with a jerk of 
 his thumb in the direction of the coloured gentleman's 
 fiight. " Now then, my fine feller, you'll get five years 'ard 
 for this night's work. 'It his legs v/ith the gun, Tom, and 
 I'll catch 'im as he falls ! " 
 
 But Bunny did not wait for the bruising of his nether 
 limbs. On hearing the order given, he leapt from the wall, 
 almost upsetting the constable in his passage to the 
 pavement. 
 
 " Now I've got yer ! " said the man, recovering his 
 balance, and seizing Bunny's arm in a tight grip. " 'Ere's 
 your 'at. You may as well put it on, else you'll catch ccld 
 and cheat the 'angman." 
 
 By the time the battered billycock was adjusted to the 
 constable's satisfaction, Tom had scrambled back over the 
 gate, gun in hand. 
 
 " Shall we take 'im straight to the station ? " said the 
 first policeman. 
 
 " Best take 'im into the 'ouse first and see if there's anyone 
 can identify 'im," said Tom decidedl)'. " But 'ere comes 
 that negro gent again ; 'e'U serve our turn. And from all
 
 ALL FOOLS 35 
 
 I can 'ear, 'e's the principal witness. Come to look for 'is 
 slipper, I shouldn't wonder ! " 
 
 Eunny was too frigl.tened and bewildered to take any 
 part in the conversation. 
 
 " Ha ! you have got him safe ! " There was a satanic 
 chuckle, and a pair of bright almond eyes gleamed out of 
 the shadow of the wall. " Let me look at him close." 
 
 " Oh, Brown Geegee, don't you kno'.v me ? " cried Bunny 
 wistfully. " Doesn't the sound of my voice tell you v/ho I 
 am ? " 
 
 Brown Geegee started back in alarm at being thus ad- 
 dressed by name. Then, remembering that his enemy was 
 a prisoner and disarmed, he grew bolder. 
 
 "Yes, I know you," he hissed between his clenched 
 teeth — " I know you quite well ! You are the wicked devil- 
 man who knocked at the door and rang the bell, and 
 tempted me with soft speaking to let you in ! You are the 
 filthy satanman who sat upon the wall and never told me 
 you had a gun to kill me with it ! I think you are not 
 only one devil — you are the transmigrated soul of ten 
 thousand black devils ! Oh, ye.s, I know you ! " 
 
 Brown Geegee's voice grew louder and shriller as he 
 proceeded : 
 
 " Ha, I hate you ! See, I stamp my foot at you ! Hold 
 him very tight, Mr, Policeman ; I wish to spit in his face." 
 
 " No, no, sir ; don't you go insultin' a chap when 'e's 
 down ! " said Tom reprovingly. " That sort o' thing's all 
 very well among heathen gentlemen like yourself, but it 
 won't do among decent, clean-faced Christians." 
 
 " Oh, Brown Geegee, dear old chap, don't you know 
 me ? I'm Bunny," moaned the prisoner. 
 
 " Ha, is that your name ? " cried Brown Geegee, to 
 whom, in his then excited condition, the nickname con- 
 veyed no idea. " It is a satan-devil-bad name, and you 
 are a satan-devil-bad man ! "
 
 36 ALL FOOLS 
 
 " Your name, please, sir ? " said Tom, tlie policeman, 
 producing a notebook. 
 
 " Baraoniji." 
 
 '"Owdo you spell it?" 
 
 Brown Geegce entered upon a voluble ex])lanation, half 
 in Hindustani, half in English. The policeman made a 
 plausible guess, and put back his note-book. 
 
 " Good-night, sir ! " 
 
 "Good-night," said Brown Geegee, shuflfiing off. "You 
 take him to the dungeon ? Good, I will tell the judge all 
 about him, and he will be damned to deadness ! You 
 wicked-satan-devil filthman, I spit upon you in the 
 spirit ! " 
 
 With the coloured gentleman's insults ringing in his 
 ears, Bunny was marched off to the police-station.
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 WHEREIN THE WORKINGS OF A PRISONER'S MIND ARE 
 LAID BARE FOR THE READER'S INSTRUCTION. 
 
 "What is your name?" asked the inspector, when the 
 prisoner was brought before him. 
 
 " Douglas Lee-Stretton." 
 
 The poHcemen looked at each other and grinned. 
 
 " Any other names — aliases, or anything in that line ? " 
 
 " No." 
 
 This inquiry took place in a large room dimly lighted by 
 two gas-jets. At a wooden barrier stood Bunny between 
 the two policemen, his captors. On the other side of the 
 barrier sat the inspector, pen in hand, with an open ledger 
 upon the table before him. Behind, near the door, the 
 latest arrival, a gentleman in the stupid stage of intoxica- 
 tion, awaited his turn in charge of a policeman. 
 
 " The charge ? " asked the inspector. 
 
 "Attempted burglary with violence." 
 
 " Witnesses ? " 
 
 " Me and Tom 'ere, and a native gent, name o' Boan- 
 erges." 
 
 " But, I say, that's not his name at all, you know," 
 Bunny broke in. " His real name is Brown Geegee — B— 
 R— O— " 
 
 "Silence! this is a serious case." And, without more 
 ado. Bunny was consigned to the lock-up for the night. 
 
 Thanks to the gravity of his supposed offence, he was 
 allowed to spend the dreary hours alone. His little bare 
 
 37
 
 3S ALL FOOLS 
 
 cell was many degrees more comfortable than the large and 
 exceedingly dirty room where " drunk-and-disorderlies," 
 and other minor offenders were constmined to pass the 
 night. As he lay on the hard mattress provided for his 
 couch, his wakefulness hovered among the events of the 
 night, distorting and exaggerating, until they took the grue- 
 some forms of a horrible nightmare. Sleep was quite out 
 of the question. Shrieks and groans, varied with an occa- 
 sional burst of tipsy laughtt-r, resounded through the 
 building. A woman's voice rose from time to time above 
 the din, calling in shrill tones to be let out, and dying away 
 in a volley of curses. 
 
 But with the iirst grey of dawn came coutparative quiet. 
 An occasional moan, indicative of utter prostration, was 
 the only sound that reached Bunny's ears. Daylight 
 streaming into his cell relieved his mind of the self-created 
 horrors of the night. The fact that the sun was rising once 
 more was in itself reassuring. Bunny had feared that, after 
 such dreadful adventures, all would be chaos, that he would 
 live evermore in a world of nightmare. But the certain 
 knowledge that the outer world was still spinning on its 
 old, orderly course through space, helped to restore some 
 order to the confusion of his thoughts. 
 
 Still, one thing troubled him. Had Miss Woodward — 
 the charming, distracting, tantalising Miss Woodward, who 
 had been in his mind all night, half goddess, half fiend — 
 had Miss Woodward taken any part in his robbery ? Was 
 she in league with the Germans ? Had she decoyed him 
 to a lonely place that the ruffians might rob him at their 
 leisure ? 
 
 She had pooh-poohed his notion that someone was 
 following them he remembered. That seemed to point to 
 her complicity. What was more likely than that she should 
 be in league with the villains — perhaps the wife of one of 
 them ? Yet, in spite of all evidence, Bunny could not
 
 ALL FOOLS 39 
 
 bring himself to believe her guilty. He recalled her every 
 word and look during that glorious moonlight walk, and 
 his inmost heart acquitted her with honour. 
 
 While he was yet absorbed in such thoughts as these 
 the door of his cell was unlocked, and a policeman entered, 
 bringing a can of coffee and a chunk of bread. 
 
 '"Ere's your breakfast," said the man gruffly. '* ^Nlake 
 'aste ! " 
 
 Bunny took a sip of the brown mixture, then set it down 
 with a mighty gulp. 
 
 " It — it's poison," he gasped. 
 
 " No, it ain't. It's coffee, so none o' your sauce ! " 
 
 Then a bright idea came to Bunny. 
 
 " Can I send a telegram from here ? " he asked eagerly. 
 
 " Yes, if you pay for it." 
 
 " But I say, you know ! I have no money at all ! " 
 
 " No money, no telegram." 
 
 " But, I say ! Couldn't you manage to send it for me ? 
 I will reward you handsomely later on." 
 
 " Gammon ! " said the policeman, thrusting his tongue in 
 his cheek. 
 
 " But, if you send the telegram, I shall be let out very 
 soon. It's all a confounded mistake." 
 
 " Is it a witness you want to write to ? " 
 
 " Yes, yes ! " cried Bunny eagerly. " She can identify me. 
 She can tell you that I'm a gentleman — not a burglar, or 
 anything of that sort." 
 
 " She ! " said the pohceman scornfully. " If it's your 
 sweet'art you're after you may as well spare yerself the pains. 
 'Er evidence won't do yer character much good." 
 
 " No, no. It's not my sweetheart," said Bunny im- 
 patiently. " Do make haste about the telegram ! " 
 
 The man took a notebook from his pocket, and proceeded 
 to take down the message from Bunny's dictation.
 
 40 ALL FOOLS 
 
 " Millicent Woodward, 
 
 "15 St. Christopher Avenue, 
 
 " West Kensington. 
 " Please come at once to Kensington Police Station. 
 Have been arrested by mistake. — Lee-Stretton." 
 
 " Is that all ? " asked the policeman. 
 
 " Yes, that's all. Only, please, send it off" at once ! " 
 
 Bunny sank back upon his mattress, well pleased with 
 the subtlety of his stratagem. If she came in answer to his 
 appeal, she was innocent ; if she failed to appear, she was 
 guilty. It was simple as A B C. 
 
 Then, with a shudder, he remembered his rags. He 
 would not like her to see him thus. It would wreck her 
 good opinion of him for ever. Girls were so susceptible to 
 outward appearance and all that sort of thing. He half 
 hoped that she would not come, after all. But then she 
 would be guilty ! 
 
 His brows knitted to a frown. 
 
 " What a fool I am ! " he muttered. " I ought to have 
 wired to Sammy or Blackstone. They could have got me 
 out at once. The girl must have bewitched me ! " 
 
 He would have liked to recall the message, but it was 
 too late. Besides, he feared the policeman's grin. The 
 hours wore on, bringing no Miss Woodward with them. 
 She was guilty by his own showini^ And yet he was glad 
 that she had not come to see him in his rags. If his dirty 
 face and changed aspect had so terrified Brown Geegee, 
 they would surely drive a dainty, delicately-nurtured girl 
 into hysterics. 
 
 He began to invent excuses for her. She was so young, 
 so innocent, and the Germans had doubtless given her to 
 understand that it was all a joke. The scoundrels were 
 quite respectably dressed, he remembered. She might 
 well have been taken in by them. But, under all these ex-
 
 ALL FOOLS 41 
 
 cuses, lay the firm conviction that MiUicent Woodward was 
 innocent, simply because she was Millicent Woodward, 
 whatever the facts of the case. 
 
 At length the door of his cell was again opened, and 
 two constables came to take him to the police-court. Bunny 
 asked leave to wash his face and hands before going. This 
 was granted, and, after the necessary delay, he was led 
 out, greatly refreshed, into the street, where Black Maria 
 was in waiting. A group of little children and loafers 
 jeered at him as he took his seat, together with other un- 
 fortunates, in the gloomy vehicle. But Bunny scarcely 
 noticed them. His troubles were almost at an end. The 
 police-magistrate was a gentleman and could not fail to 
 accept his explanation and let him go free.
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 IN WHICH, BY THE BRUTALITY OF MR. BLACKSTONE, AN 
 INDIAN GENTLEMAN IS CONSTRAINED TO APPEAR IN 
 A POLICE-COURT, TO THE DELIGHT OF ALL BE- 
 HOLDERS AND THE SALVATION OF MR. LEE 
 STRETTON. 
 
 There was little in the outward appearance of Mr. Samuel 
 
 Thompson's abode to distinguish it from other houses in 
 
 the same neighbourhood. It was a corner house, and, but 
 
 for a glaring excrescence at the back, in the shape of a 
 
 new class-room, just like any other corner house. But the 
 
 windows of this class-room were dim with the accumulated 
 
 dust of weeks — it was not worth while cleaning ihem until 
 
 the young gentlemen should go away for their holidays, 
 
 Mrs. Thompson had told the housemaid — and were further 
 
 embellished by sundry initial letters scratched upon the 
 
 panes, These initials were the handiwork of Mr. Arthur 
 
 Blackstone, who had once a diamond ring belonging to 
 
 him. One night, returning home in a state of generous 
 
 intoxication, he had given the ring to a passing policeman, 
 
 as " a slight token of his (hie) respect and admiration for 
 
 the force." But the scratches on the pane were not to be 
 
 parted with so easily. 
 
 When Mr. Blackstone came down to breakfast on the 
 
 morning after the attempted burglary, he found Brown 
 
 Geegee devouring a kipper, with one eye on the morning 
 
 paper. 
 
 42
 
 ALL FOOLS 43 
 
 "What was all the row about last night, Geegee?" he 
 asked. 
 
 The coloured gentleman laid down his knife and fork to 
 stare, his eyes almost starting out of his head. 
 
 " Don't you know ? " he exclaimed. 
 
 " Now, Geegee, don't be a fool ! " said the militiaman 
 impatiently. " How should I know ? I woke up last 
 night to find a beastly rov/ going on — people yelling ' Fire ! ' 
 and all that sort of thing. But, by the time I got to the 
 window, it was all quiet again." 
 
 " It was burglary and black-satan devilry, that's what it 
 was ! " said Brown Geegee solemnly, handing the news- 
 paper across to Blackstone. " It's in the right-hand corner, 
 just above the weather paragraph." 
 
 Blackstone took up the paper and read : 
 
 " Attempted Burglary in South Kensington — 
 Heroic Conduct of an Indian Gentleman. — About 
 one o'clock this morning, a burglarious attempt was made 
 upon the house of Mr. Samuel Thompson, a private tutor, 
 in Tenby^Gardens, South Kensington. Mr. Boanerges, an 
 Indian gentleman, one of the pupils, who happened to be 
 working late, heard a noise and rushed into the garden. 
 He saw a man upon the garden wall, clinging to the roof 
 of an outhouse, with a gun in his hand, and at once, 
 regardless of personal danger, gave the alarm. Thanks to 
 the heroic conduct of Mr. Boanerges, the police found no 
 difficulty in securing the person of the ruffian. It is con- 
 jectured that the burglar is a lunatic, as surely no sane 
 robber would have carried so cumbrous a weapon as a gun 
 with him." 
 
 Blackstone laid down the paper with a gasp. 
 " Well, I'm blowed ! "
 
 44 ALL FOOLS 
 
 " Boanerges — that's me ! " spluttered Brown Geegee, his 
 mouth full of kipper. 
 
 "But how did the newspaper chaps get to know of it?" 
 asked Blackstone, puzzled. 
 
 "I told them," said Brown Geegee, his almond eyes 
 twinkling with glee. " A man came up to me in the street, 
 when the prisoner was being taken away, and asked me all 
 about it. He said he was a Central Press or something 
 respectable, so I told him. Then he went off to the police 
 station to find out more." 
 
 " He got your name wrong, old chap ! " Blackstone 
 suggested. 
 
 "Yes, the silly foolman ! But I will write and explain 
 my real name, and moreover I will tell them what a 
 damfool-black-satan-devil fellow the prisoner is ! " 
 
 Blackstone burst out laughing. 
 
 " What do you laugh at ? " asked the coloured gentleman, 
 in an injured tone of voice. 
 
 " Don't get wild, Geegee ! I can't help it. You look so 
 like a rat when you're excited, that I feel as if I ought to be 
 a terrier and go for you." 
 
 " No, no ! No humbuggingness ! " cried Brown Geegee 
 in alarm, raising one arm to shield his head. " I am weak 
 this morning — very debilitated after my exertions of last 
 night. Do not assault me, Blackstone ! . . . Good-morn- 
 ing, sir ! ' 
 
 The greeting was addressed to Mr. Thompson, who at 
 that moment entered the classroom. He was clad in 
 dressing-gown and slippers, and fingered his eye-glasses in 
 his wonted, nervous manner. 
 
 "Good-morning, gentlemen," he replied, with a precise 
 little bow. " I — er — wanted to ask you to set to work, 
 when you have done your breakfast, without waiting for me. 
 I — er — I have had a very bad night." He passed his hand 
 across his forehead, as if to brush away the memory of it.
 
 ALL FOOLS 45 
 
 " My wife — was — er — very much upset by the event of last 
 night. She is — er — I regret to say — laid upon a bed of 
 sickness. I fear that I shall be obliged to send for a — in 
 fact, for a medical attendant." 
 
 Blackstone and the coloured gentleman made haste to 
 assure him of their sorrow and sympathy. 
 
 " Er — is that nice, gentlemanly young fellow, Mr. Lee- 
 Stretton not down yet ? '' pursued the tutor, glancing round 
 the bare walls of the class-room. "I fear that, in spite of 
 my repeated warnings, he returned home last night in a 
 state of — er — of intoxication. I have noticed that after a 
 night of— er — of dissipation, young fellows, however nice 
 and gentlemanly, always oversleep themselves." 
 
 " All right, sir ! I'll see to him," said Blackstone cheerily. 
 " I'll take him up some soda-water and a kipper as soon as 
 I have done my breakfast.'' 
 
 " Er — thank you, Mr. Blackstone. Be — er — be so good 
 as to inform the other young gentlemen of my indisposi- 
 tion." 
 
 With a snort of relief — the little old tutor sniffed and 
 snorted upon every occasion — Mr. Thompson took his 
 leave. 
 
 " Poor old Bunny ! " said Blackstone, with a grin, " I 
 expect he's awfully down on his luck this morning. He's 
 a bit green as yet." 
 
 " Bunny ! — Bunny ! " muttered Brown Geegee. " The 
 fool-ragged filthman told me his name was Bunny. It is a 
 devil-ugly name." 
 
 '• What ? " roared Blackstone. " Tell a plain tale. Gee- 
 gee, you ass, without any of your sa tan-devil tomfoolery! 
 No humbug, or I'll go for you ! " 
 
 Brown Geegee shrank to the furthest corner of the 
 room. 
 
 " The wicked-ragged burglarman called me * Brown 
 Geegee ' and ' Don't you know me,' and told me his name
 
 46 ALL FOOLS 
 
 was Bunny," he said hurriedly. " Now 1 have told you all. 
 Do not assault me, Blackstone, or else, moreover, I shall 
 be very angry with you and call for the police." 
 
 But Blackstone paid no more heed to Brown Geegee's 
 threat-strengthened entreaty, than if the coloured gentleman 
 had been a little speck of dirt on the wall of the room. 
 He opened the door, darted down the passage, and rushed 
 upstairs, three steps at a stride. 
 
 "He is mad," muttered Brown Geegee, recovering his 
 self-possession. " He is also a black-satan fool, and I spit 
 upon him in the spirit." 
 
 There followed a creaking of banisters,^ and a mighty 
 shaking of the v;hole house, as Blackstone vaulttd the last 
 six steps in his descent. The door of the class-room flew 
 open, and the gigantic militiaman, rushing upon Brown 
 Geegee, seized him by the collar and shook him until the 
 ill-starred coloured gentleman was quite limp and breathless. 
 
 " Come along up to Sammy, you idiot ! " he thundered. 
 
 But Brown Geegee had no power of speech or motion 
 left in him. Blackstone was obliged to carry him upstairs 
 in his arms. The tutor opened his dressing-room door 
 in answer to Blackstone's knock. 
 
 " What's the matter ? " he asked, with a sniff. " You are 
 nice, gentlemanly young fellows, both of you, but I — er — I 
 fear I must really beg you to make a little less noise ; my 
 poor wife is — er — is laid upon a bed of sickness. Have 
 you no bowels of compassion ? " 
 
 " I must speak to you, sir ! " said Blackstone, in a tone 
 so peremptory that the meek little tutor joined them in the 
 passage at once. " This ass — Brown Geegee here ! — has 
 had Bunny — Lee-Slretton, I mean — sent to the lock-up on 
 a charge of burglary." 
 
 " It is a nasty-satan lie ! " panted Brown Geegee in- 
 dignantly. " I sent a ragged filthman heroically to the 
 lock-up, who tried to kill me with a gun."
 
 ALL FOOLS 47 
 
 " Hold your tongue, Geegee ! " said Elackstone, giving 
 the coloured gentleman a violent shake. " From what I 
 can learn, sir, Lee-Stretton had been robbed of his clothes 
 and had a beggar's get-up given him in exchange. Geegee 
 took fright at the rags, and made him out to be a 
 burglar." 
 
 " But — er — excuse me," interposed the tutor, with a series 
 of excited snorts, "am I to — er — to understand that Mr. 
 Lee-Stretton — nice, gentlemanly, young fellow — has not 
 yet returned ? " 
 
 " His room is empty. His bed has not been slept in." 
 
 " Dear me ! How very unfortunate ! And — er — you 
 suggest that he is at present in the lockup? This is 
 terrible — terrible. I shall go to the police-station in the 
 course of this afternoon, and — er — inquire. I suppose 
 that I shall be obliged to go bail for him. Many years ago, 
 when a pupil of mine, who was — er — who was a victim to 
 chronic alcoholism — a nice, gentlemanly young fellow he 
 was, I remember — was locked up, I was obliged to go bail 
 for him. It is very unfortunate." 
 
 " I think I'll get into a hansom and drive to the police- 
 station at once," said Blackstone. " And I'd better take 
 Geegee with me, as it's all his fault." 
 
 " Mr. Blackstone, you are a nice, gentlemanly young 
 fellow," said the tutor, with a snort of relief. "Your 
 presence of mind, and — er — energy, do you credit. If you 
 will wait one moment — er — I should like to offer you a 
 cigar." 
 
 It was Mr. Thom[^son's custom, whenever he approved 
 of the conduct of one of his pupils, to offer the "nice, 
 gentlemanly young fellow " a cigar. He kept a store of 
 Havanas expressly for this purpose, himself being no 
 smoker. 
 
 " Get your boots on, Geegee ! " said Blackstone, climbing 
 the stairs to his bedroom, cigar in hand. " If you aren't
 
 48 ALL FOOLS 
 
 ready by the time I come down, you'd better look out for 
 yourself ! " 
 
 Terrified by this threat, Brown Geegee shuffled to his 
 room, and made haste to drag on his boots— patent leather 
 boots with elastic sides, about which he had been mercilessly 
 chaffed, when he first came to Sammy's. Then he ran 
 downstairs, or rather shuffled, for it was not in his nature to 
 raise his foot more than an inch from the ground. The 
 other pupils were beginning to arrive. A red-headed 
 youth with a freckled, stolid face, was just freeing his latch- 
 key from the door, when the coloured gentleman reached 
 the hall. 
 
 " Sammy wishes you to begin work without waiting for 
 him," said Brown Geegee, assuming an air of importance. 
 " He has an indisposition. Moreover, his wife is laid upon 
 a bed of sickness. I say," he added, sinking his voice to a 
 whisper, " have you seen the newspaper this morning ? 
 No ? Then you will find it in the class-room. Look in 
 the right-hand corner, just above the weather paragraph. 
 ' Heroic Conduct of Boanerges ' — that's me ! " 
 
 " Poor Geegee ! Right off his chump ! " mused the red- 
 haired youth, as he made his way along the passage. 
 " Ought to be sent to an asylum." 
 
 At length Mr. Blackstone came downstairs, the ends of 
 his dark moustache curled to a nicety, and the two sallied 
 forth in search of a hansom. There were no less than 
 three of these vehicles in waiting upon a cabstand round 
 the corner, and, the driver of the foremost having been 
 unearthed from the shelter, where he was smoking a pipe, 
 the horse was deprived of its nosebag, and the pair, jump- 
 ing in, were soon rattling through the streets on their way 
 to the lock-up. 
 
 " The chap as was took up last night for burglary, sir ? 
 'E isn't 'ere, sir. 'E started for the police-court five minutes 
 ago," was the answer to Blackstone's question at the station.
 
 ALL FOOLS 49 
 
 " Where is the poUce-court ? " 
 
 "'Ammersmith, sir." 
 
 Blackstone rushed out again into the street, dragging 
 Brown Geegee with him by the arm. Their hansom had 
 not yet driven off. 
 
 " Hi, you man ! Drive to Hammersmith police-court fur 
 your life ! " shouted Blackstone, pushing Brown Geegee 
 into the cab, and jumping in after him. 
 
 The driver whipped his horse to a rickety canter, and 
 they jolted along at a pace which attracted the notice of 
 passers-by on either pavement, and drew upon them the 
 gibes of bus-conductors and carmen. 
 
 " I say," said Brown Geegee. when he had somewhat 
 recovered from the shock which the jerky energy of Black- 
 stone's proceedings had given to his nervous system ; " I 
 had an invitation this morning to the very same address." 
 
 " What address ? " asked Blackstone impatiently. 
 " Hammersmith police-court," replied the coloured 
 gentleman. " A constable called very early this morning 
 and left the invitation for me. I forgot all about it till 
 now." 
 
 " What an' ass you are, Geegee ! " said Blackstone. 
 paternally. " Now, don't go making a fool of yourself 
 before the magistrate. Remember that the prisoner is a 
 friend of yours. Speak of him as your old friend, Lee- 
 Stretton. If you speak of him as a burglar or use any of 
 your insulting expressions, I'll strangle you, and you'll be 
 whipped for contempt of court into the bargain." 
 " All right," said Brown Geegee sullenly. 
 Arrived at their destination, Blackstone gave half-a- 
 sovereign to the cabman, and strode into the court with 
 Brown Geegee close at his heels. They were just in time. 
 A ragged young man of beggarly appearance was under- 
 going examination. The magistrate's face wore a puzzled 
 expression. The onlookers were convulsed with laughter. 
 
 D
 
 50 ALL FOOLS 
 
 Blackstone elbowed his way to the front rank, dragging 
 Brown Geegee with him. At sight of the prisoner, the 
 latter emitted a low, grating noise, like the snarl of a dog, 
 exposing two rows of gleaming white teeth. He rolled his 
 eyes, so that only the yellowish whites of them were 
 visible. 
 
 " That is the wicked-sataii-filth burglarman ! " he hissed 
 between his clenched teeth. 
 
 " Shut up, Geegee or I'll go for you ! " whispered Black- 
 stone fiercely. 
 
 " So you still persist in your statement ? " the magistrate 
 was saying. " Your name, you say, is Douglas Lee- 
 Stretton, and you are a private pupil of the gentleman 
 whose house you attempted to enter by force last night ? " 
 
 " I say, I am really Douglas Lee-Stretton, you know ! " 
 pleaded Bunny, almost tearfully. " It's all quite true." 
 
 "Then why," said the magistrate, with a pleased smile at 
 his own sagacity — '•' why, I ask, did you carry a gun with 
 you, if you wished to effect a peaceable entry ? " 
 
 " But I never had a gun, you know," Bunny protested. 
 
 " Produce the weapon ! " 
 
 The magistrate nodded to a policeman, and the antique 
 gun was handed into court. 
 
 " Oh ! " cried Brown Geegee, unable to control his as- 
 tonishment, " that is Sammy's rifle, which I took with me to 
 shoot the burglar with it ! " 
 
 The spectators chuckled. 
 
 " Silence," thundered the magistrate. 
 
 One of the policemen stepped forward and said something 
 in a low tone. 
 
 *' Bring him to the witness-box at once ! " said the 
 magistrate aloud. 
 
 The policeman passed the word to one of his comrades, 
 who went round and tapped Brown Geegee on the shoulder. 
 
 " Your evidence is wanted, sir," he said ; and the
 
 ALL FOOLS SI 
 
 coloured gentleman was led away captive from Blackstone's 
 side. 
 
 " What is your age, Mr. Boanerges ? " asked the magis- 
 trate, when Brown Geegee had been duly instated in his 
 new dignity of witness. 
 
 " Twenty-and-two," said the coloured gentleman visibly 
 flustered. 
 
 " Your occupation ? " 
 
 " I study at present to prepare myself for the Indian Civil 
 Service examination." 
 
 " Thank you. Now, be so good as to state as briefly as 
 possible all that you know of the prisoner." 
 
 Brown Geegee began excitedly : 
 
 " I was working late last night, the front door knocked 
 and the bell rang. I went to the door and I opened it and 
 I looked out. Then I saw that black-sa — " 
 
 " Stow it, Geegee, or I'll go for you ! " a deep voice 
 resounded through the court. 
 
 "Silence!" thundered the magistrate. "Constable, 
 turn that man out. Stay," he added, scenting further evi- 
 dence, " bring him here and let him say what he has to say 
 after Mr. Boanerges has finished. Go on with your 
 evidence, if you please, Mr Boanerges." 
 
 *' — So I shut the door and put up the chain, and went 
 back to my work," pursued the coloured gentleman, still 
 trembling from the interruption; "and then, after that, I 
 heard a great noise and people crying ' Fire — thieves,' so I 
 took a loaded rifle from Sammy's study and crept out into 
 the garden. Then the wicked badman tried toj^jlljne 
 with a gun, so I threw away the rifle and ran back into the 
 house, calling for the police." 
 
 " Your heroic conduct has excited much admiration in 
 the newspapers, I believe," said the magistrate grimly ; "do 
 you recognise this weapon ? "
 
 52 ALL FOOLS 
 
 "Yes; that is the rifle I took with me," said Brown 
 Geegee, rolHng his eyes and grinning nervously. 
 
 "Then one part of the charge— the violence— is dis- 
 posed of. Have you anything more to say, Mr. 
 Boanerges ? " 
 
 "Yes. This morning I find out that that ragged-dirty 
 badman there is my dear friend and pupil-f^^Uow, Lee- 
 Stretton." 
 
 "Then the prisoner's statement is correct?" said the 
 magistrate, turning to Bunny. 
 
 " I always told you so, you know," said that worthy, 
 more cheerfully than he had yet spoken. 
 
 "Thank you, Mr Boanerges, I need trouble you no 
 further," said the magistrate, with a bow to the coloured 
 gentleman; "but, since your heroism has been the 
 subject of eulogy in the morning papers I cannot let you 
 leave this court without a slight tribute to your folly 
 and cowardice, which seem to he egregious." 
 
 Brown Geegee now retired, and Blackstone, who had been 
 waiting in charge of a policeman, was brought forward for 
 examination. 
 
 " What do you mean, sir, by interrupting the proceedings 
 of the court by trying to intimidate a witness ? " asked 
 the magistrate angrily. 
 
 " I'm awfully sorry," murmured Blackstone, abashed ; 
 "but I heard Brown Geegee making an ass of himself and I 
 couldn't help calling out." 
 
 " Who is it that you call Brown Geegee ? " 
 
 " The poor heathen who has just given evidence." 
 
 There was a roar of laughter from the spectators. The 
 magistrate frowned. 
 
 " But his name is Boanerges. He answered to the name 
 of Boanerges." 
 
 " He goes on the principle that any name's as good as his 
 uwn, and better," answered Blackstone, with the air of one
 
 ALL FOOLS 53 
 
 who explains the nature and habits of some strange animal. 
 " He'll answer to almost any name you choose to call him. 
 I call him Geegee mj^self generally." 
 
 The court was again convulsed with laughter. Even the 
 magistrate smiled, but he quickly remembered his dignity. 
 
 " Please to recollect where you are," he said coldly. 
 " Personal anecdote is out of place here." 
 
 " I'm awfully sorry," murmured Blackstone. 
 
 " But, I say, won't you let Lee-Stretton go now ? " he 
 added pleadingly. " I brought Brown Geegee down here 
 on purpose to get the poor chap let off." 
 
 " You are also a friend of the prisoner ? " 
 
 " Rather ! Why, I sleep next door to him." 
 
 " Very well, then. Mr. Lee-Stretton is at liberty to 
 return to his friends. May I suggest that he should be 
 conveyed home in some closed vehicle. Otherwise his 
 rags, though not in themselves rem.arkable, would attract 
 some attention, seen in the company of two well-dressed 
 persons. It is the most curious mistake that I have ever 
 met with in the course of my long experience." 
 
 So Bunny and his rags went back to Mr. Thompson's in 
 a fourwheeler with both windows up, and in the company 
 of Blackstone and Brown Geegee. The coloured gentle- 
 man still showed the strongest distaste for the close neigh- 
 bourhood of the quondam burglar. He shrank to the 
 furthest corner of the cab, rolling his eyes and showing his 
 teeth from time to time to avoid all contact with one whom, 
 until so lately, he had deemed his most deadly foe. 
 
 Not until Bunny had had a bath and changed his clothes, 
 did Brown Geegee fully realise that the " satan devil- 
 filthman " was no more. 
 
 " Ha ! " he said, shuffling forward to shake hands with 
 the transformed burgia-, who entered the class-room, blush- 
 ing violently. " It is yourself, I see. Let me grasp your 
 hand in friendship. I am delighted to have been able to
 
 54 ALL FOOLS 
 
 obtain your release from the satan, son-of-an-owl judge this 
 morning. Do not thank me, I pray you ! It is nothing ! " 
 And he smiled, showing his white teeth, until his sleek, 
 brown face was all creases and puckers, and his eyes became 
 mere twinkling slits — for all the world, as Mr. Blackstone 
 justly remarked, like one of his country's gods, or the Prince 
 of Darkness himself
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 CONTAINING SOME ACCOUNT OF MISS WOODWARD AND HER 
 FAMILY, NOT FORGETTING THE MAID-OF-ALL-WORK. 
 
 St. Christopher Avenue, West Kensington, was among 
 the newest eruptions of that insidious disease of the earth's 
 face — the bricks-and-mortar leprosy, which, fostered and 
 fed abundantly by the mercantile spirit of the English, has 
 crept so far and achieved so much that it has come to be 
 considered as a national institution, and therefore as un- 
 assailable. Its oldest house was ten years old, its newest 
 scarce six months. The genuine inhabitants were city to a 
 man, and that man kept a draper's shop in Hammersmith. 
 But one house in the Avenue was rented by a gentleman of 
 Asiatic, nay. Sultan-like, morality, for a certain exquisitely- 
 coloured flower of his harem. And a red lamp over the 
 gate of the corner house gave warning of the man of blood 
 and bones who lurked within. 
 
 The houses were small and semi-detached, with little 
 strips of tesseiated pavement leading from iron gate to dark- 
 green door with brass handle and knocker. Each dwelling 
 was of red-brick, and had an excrescence in the shape of a 
 bow window, built square out of deference to the architec, 
 ture, which was supposed to bear some mystic relation to 
 Queen Anne through Kate Greenaway. There was some- 
 thing of the upstart in this Avenue, with its affected, 
 lackadaisical gables and chimneys, sprung up as it were 
 in defiance of the older, stuccoed growth of street, terrace- 
 gardens, and road by which it was on all sides beset. 
 
 55
 
 56 ALL FOOLS 
 
 A landowner, who had long withheld his property from 
 the grasping hand of the builder, had at length succumbed 
 to temptation, and St. Christopher Avenue was the first 
 fruits of his fall. The surrounding streets, respectable by 
 reason of so many years' soot and fog, were cut off at the 
 back from that open view of waste land, over which they 
 had come to arrogate a prescriptive and inalienable right 
 of vision. Only a few months more and there would be no 
 waste larid at all for either to quarrel and crow over — 
 nothing but the backyards of dwellings, with an occasional 
 white flutter of under-garments drying upon a line. 
 
 Mrs. Woodward, left in comparative poverty by the death 
 of her husband, had taken a house in the Avenue, partly 
 because houses were cheap there, but chiefly because there 
 was an air of smartness and gentility about them. Herself 
 of humble origin, she had offended her husband's relations, 
 during his life time, by the airs she assumed ; and, now that 
 he was dead, she stuck to her gentility as his widow with all 
 the tenacity of a limpet upon a pebble. 
 
 Finding it impossible, on her, reduced income, both to 
 dress well herself and to clothe and educate her children, 
 and not wishing to be sneered at by her neighbours as the 
 lady whose son and daughter went to a board school, she 
 hit upon the happy expedient of going to bed. From 
 that day forth she was an interesting invalid, whose daily 
 exercisj was a walk from her bed to her arm-chair and back 
 again. The expense of her wardrobe was thus reduced to the 
 cost of an occasional new night-dress or dressing-gown. At 
 first she thought it necessary to send for a doctor, not 
 without forebodings that he might take her case seriously, 
 and make it the pretext for a long bill. But the doctor, a 
 busy young man, said : " Pshaw ! there's nothing the matter 
 with you. Perhaps a little bilious, that's all," and prescribed 
 a peculiarly nauseous compound by way of medicine. 
 
 She never sent for him ajjain.
 
 ALL FOOLS 57 
 
 By dint of staying in bed, and talking; of her ailments 
 with the friends who called to inquire, she became in time 
 something more than a malade imaghiaire, began to suffer 
 something of the pains she so pathetically described. Still, 
 her position as an invalid had its advantages. Only thus 
 could she avoid feeling the pincii of her altered circum- 
 stances. Lying in bed, she had only to ring a little hand- 
 bell and the maid-of-all-work appeared, ready to do her 
 slightest bidding. A duchess with a hundred servants could 
 desire no more. Thus she was enabled to give her son 
 and daughter a pretty good education at day-schools in the 
 neighbourhood, though always with the idea that thty 
 should, some day, earn their own living. Millicent was 
 soon of an age to relieve her mother of the cares of house- 
 keeping, so that the invalid could be happily lachrymose in 
 bed with her novel and light refreshment at all hours of 
 the day. 
 
 Ladies whom she had taught to think her a long-suffering 
 woman, who had once moved in the best society, called in 
 the afternoons to enliven her with the local gossip. It was 
 by the kind interest of one of these friends that her son 
 Percy ultimately obtained a clerkship in a small branch 
 bank at Hammersmith, and was enabled to keep himself in 
 clothes. About the same time Millicent was taken away 
 from school, and began to attend daily at an establishment 
 where shorthand and the use of the typewriter were taught 
 at low fees. Thence she finally obtained a place in a large 
 City firm, where five or six ladies were employed as 
 clerks. 
 
 But although her children were now earning money, and 
 the immediate cause of her self-seclusion was removed, Mrs. 
 Woodward remained an invalid. The ease and comfort of 
 that lazy life were not to be lightly foregone. Besides, both 
 her children believed in the malady to a great extent, and 
 would have been vastly surprised, and not a little alarmed,
 
 58 ALL FOOLS 
 
 had she suddenly walked downstairs. So she staj'cd where 
 she was, leaving her son and daughter to their own devices. 
 No wonder, then, that Percy formed friendships with young 
 men at whom his mother would have shuddered had she 
 chanced to meet them ; or that Millicent, following the 
 example of other maidens of the avenue, and spurred to 
 emulation by the talk of her companions at the office, took 
 to flirting immoderately with the young men of her 
 acquaintance. 
 
 Heart-whole, she flirted purely for the fun of the thing, 
 without the least backthought of love or marriage. She 
 was, therefore, greatly annoyed, not to say insulted, when 
 her brother told her that one of his friends — a man without 
 an " h " in his alphabet — was deeply enamoured of her, 
 and was rich enough to marry whenever she chose. She 
 was in no hurry to get married, she assured Percy with 
 indignation, and, when she did think of settling down, she 
 would look beyond the vulgar circle of her brother's friends 
 for a husband. 
 
 This fastidiousness of hers — her " side " as Percy phrased 
 it — was the cause of frequent bickering between brother and 
 sister when they met at meal-times. More than once Milli- 
 cent had taken supper — a cup of coffee and some cake — at 
 an Italian restaurant, which lay in her way from the station, 
 rather than go home to a quarrel with her brother. 
 
 Never had she stood in greater need of a mother's care 
 and guidance than now, on the threshold of her womanhood; 
 but Mrs. Woodward neither sought nor desired her daughter's 
 confidence. Whenever Millicent had brought her troubles 
 to the invalid's bedside, her mother had made light of them, 
 chilling and harassing the girl with a very sleet-storm of 
 cheap platitudes — washy, but stinging. Upon the whole, 
 she found more solace and sympathy in her pillow than in 
 her mother, and her pillow had been until lately her chief 
 confidant.
 
 ALL FOOLS 59 
 
 But now she had — what girl has not ? — a bosom friend. 
 One of her fellow-clerks, Rose Langley by name, had felt 
 drawn to Millicent from the first. Of her own age, pretty, 
 and disposed to be flighty when not under the eye of the 
 prim maiden aunt, with whom she lived — she brought but 
 little ballast to the friendship. Rather, suffering from 
 repression at home, she egged Millicent on to do outrageous 
 things, in order that she might enjoy, through another, 
 experiences which were denied her in person. Such was 
 the young lady, whose advice Miss Woodward proposed to 
 seek, respecting her conduct in the case of Mr. Lee-Stretton. 
 A flirtation with a boy like that was quite harmless, and 
 meant nothing, she assured herself. Still, she felt the need 
 of a second opinion before carrying it further ; and whom 
 had she to consult but Rose ? Such were her thoughts 
 over-night. In the morning, the adventure had lost much 
 of its attraction and seemed of little moment. 
 
 Musing upon these and other matters, she was standing 
 before the looking-glass, a picture of drowsy loveliness, 
 combing out the radiant tangle of her hair. It was a sunny 
 morning, and her eyes often wandered from her occupation 
 to gaze longingly out over the waste land, where the 
 foundations of houses yet to be built stood up like ruins 
 from among a desultory growth of cabbages. What a 
 lovely day for a walk, she thought with a yawn. And there 
 was she, doomed to be cooped up all day long in a musty 
 old office in the city. How she wished that the office had 
 been burnt down in the night, that the Fenians, or 
 Anarchists, or some other obliging people might have made 
 it their business to blow it up ! 
 
 She was still combing lazily away at her hair, her mind at 
 work upon such destructive wishes as these, when there 
 came a knock at the door. 
 
 '* Come in," she cried.
 
 60 ALL FOOLS 
 
 "A telegram for you, Miss Milly," said the maid of-all- 
 work, panting with ill-suppressed excitement. 
 
 She held an envelope of the colour of terra-cotta, 
 wrapped in a corner of her apron, lest her hands, soapy 
 from recent scrubbing, should defile it. Her sleeves were 
 rolled up to within five inches of the shoulder, baring the 
 seasoned redness of forearm and elbow. 
 
 "A telegram! for w^/" cried Millicent, tearing the 
 envelope with her forefinger. 
 
 It seemed almost like an answer to those unspoken and 
 unspeakable wishes of hers. 
 
 The maid-of-all-\vork stood by, open-mouthed. A 
 telegram was to her a fearful and wonderful thing, a matter 
 of life and death, a question of hysterics. 
 
 "Jane, can you tell me the right time?" asked Millicent, 
 frowning over the contents. 
 
 "The dinin'-room clock said ten minutes past yte, when 
 I come upstairs, miss." 
 
 "Thank you. You needn't wait, Jane. There is no 
 answer." 
 
 " Yes, miss," said Jane, somewhat irrelevantly, dragging 
 her reluctant feet from the room. 
 
 " I can't possibly do it," Millicent thought, as she made 
 haste to finish her toilet. " I've been late at the office once 
 already this week. I daren't risk it. Besides, I don't see 
 what good I could possibly do by going to ste him. I 
 can't afford to go bail for him, and I know nothing of his 
 character, poor boy — except that he struck me, last night, 
 as being a good-tempered simpleton. I'll try and get up to 
 the police-station in the lunch interval." 
 
 She fell to wondering upon what charge he could have 
 been arrested. 
 
 "Such an innocent, fresh sort of a boy, too," she thought. 
 " But then all those crammers' fellows drink horribly, and 
 drunken people are often locked up. I'll give him a good
 
 ALL FOOLS 
 
 61 
 
 scolding when I meet him on Saturday. Indeed, I have a 
 great mind not to meet him at all, after this. It's great im- 
 pudence of him, to wire for me to go and see him at a 
 horrid, low pl:;ce like a police-station." 
 
 Her thoughts were still running in thi'^. groove when she 
 ran down to her mother's bedroom to say good-morning. 
 Mrs. Woodward had, by her own showing, passed a bad 
 night; but that caused her daughter no uneasiness, for the 
 good lady looked particularly well and comfortable among 
 her cushions. 
 
 "You are rather late," remarked Percy, with his mouth 
 full of toast and sausage, when, a few minutes later, she 
 entered the dining-room. " What was the telegram 
 about?" 
 
 *' Oh, nothing much ! " said Miilicent evasively. She 
 did not wish her brother to know that one of her admirers 
 had got into trouble and looked to her for help. Percy 
 was only too apt to sneer at, and even get in a rage about, 
 the weak-brained dandies of tender age, who formed his 
 sister's little court. His next remark, though a random 
 shot, struck very near the mark. 
 
 "One of the babes got into trouble — eh?" he suggested 
 with a sneer, as he wiped his moustache after a long 
 draught from his coffee-cup. " Tumbled out of its ' pram ' 
 and sent a wire to its mammy to come and pick it up, I 
 shouldn't wonder ? " 
 
 He noticed the angry flush that mantled ' in his sister's 
 cheeks with unconcealed delight. 
 
 " Oh, that's it, is it ? " he cried, leaning back in his chair 
 to enjoy the show at ease. "Come, Mil, make a clean 
 breast of it ! " 
 
 In spite of his jesting manner there was a note of 
 command, almost of anger, in Percy's voice, very offensive 
 to his sister's ears. 
 
 "You are talking great nonsense," she said disdainfully.
 
 62 ALL FOOLS 
 
 " Has Jane taken mother's breakfast up yet ? " 
 
 " You won't get out of it that way, Mil, so don't you try 
 it on ! " he persisted, twirUng his moustache and eyeing her 
 suspiciously. " Come now," he added, in a lighter tone, 
 "tell us all about it. I swear not to laugh. Was the 
 * pram ' much hurt ? " 
 
 "You are very rude," said Milly, recovering from her 
 first confusion. "But I suppose one can expect nothing 
 better, considering the company you keep. How's the 
 wonderful Debating Society getting on? " 
 
 Now this Debating Society — modestly called " Parlia- 
 ment," after that more numerous assembly at Westminster, 
 whose forms of procedure it followed, so far as they could 
 be gathered from the newspapers — was Percy Woodward's 
 hobby. He had been its founder, and he at present held 
 the post of Prime Minister — an honorary sinecure, which 
 gave him that superiority over the other members which he 
 felt to be his due. 
 
 He lived for the Society. Pie would, if need were, have 
 died for the Society. He lay awake at nights, thinking of 
 his speeches, and was apt to be disagreeable at breakfast in 
 consequence, as Milly knew to her cost. But, according to 
 a certain school of amateur physicians, there is one un- 
 failing remedy for all disorders of overnight origin. It is 
 vulgarly called " a hair of the dog that bit you " — the dose 
 to be taken as early in the morning as possible. Millicent, 
 guided by an instinct of self-preservation, had long ago 
 discovered that a deft turn of the conversation in the 
 direction of the Debating Society was usually enough to 
 bring back her brother to the paths of good humour. For, 
 fond as Percy was of teasing and lecturing his pretty sister, 
 and high though he held his responsibility with regard to 
 her moral conduct to be, he was ten times fonder of 
 boasting about the doings of the Debating Society — which 
 is as much as to say, his own doings.
 
 ALL FOOLS 63 
 
 He rose to the bait at once. 
 
 "Oh, Mil!" he exclaimed. "I forgot to tell you that 
 Parliament is to meet here this evening. Tell Jane to 
 have a fire lighted in the drawing-room, will you? It 
 makes things look more cosy." 
 
 " No, Percy," said his sister decidedly. " If you wish to 
 have a meeting in this house, you must have it in this room 
 or in the kitchen. I won't have a lot of horrid men 
 drinking and smoking in the drawing-room, and making it 
 smell like a beer-shop for weeks afterwards. Just when 
 I've put up some clean white curtains, too ! " 
 
 " Keep your hair on — carrots ! " said Percy, planting 
 both elbows firmly on the table and staring impudently 
 across at his sister. " People with that queer, scarlet sort 
 of hair are always losing their temper." 
 
 But Milly did not even flush at the personality. The 
 taunt had lost all point for her about the time she first 
 began to wear long dresses and tire her hair in womanly 
 fashion. She had the honeyed memory of many very 
 flattering remarks and one laudatory ode to counteract the 
 bitterness of Percy's rudeness. Besides, her hair was not 
 red — not the least bit in the world. If it had a reddish 
 gleam with the light behind it, the fault was in the light, 
 not in the hair. 
 
 " You're getting conceited — that's what's the matter with 
 you," continued Percy, working himself gradually into a 
 temper. " Some fool or other has been telling you that 
 that hair of yours is auburn, or chestnut, or something ; 
 but I tell you it's the colour of a boiled lobster, and I'm 
 impartial enough to please anybody. If my friends aren't 
 good enough for you, who is, I should like to know ? 
 Harry Jones, the Right Honourable Minister for Foreign 
 Affairs, drives his own gig, and spent his holidays in 
 Switzerland last summer, as you know very well. I 
 can remember the time when you were glad enough
 
 64 ALL FOOLS 
 
 to let Harry Jones kiss you, and give you chocolates, 
 and so forth." 
 
 "Indeed!" murmured Milly disdainfully. "You have 
 really a wonderful memory ! " 
 
 " I tell you what, Mil," Percy v>^ent on, gaining in vehe- 
 mence what he lost in temper, " if you weren't a fool you'd 
 take more notice of Harry. He's awfully gone on you — 
 has been ever since you were a little ugly thing in short 
 frocks — and you're making a great mistake if you think you 
 can go on flouting and fooling him for ever. He's not the 
 man to stand it, I can tell you." 
 
 " You may say what you like, Percy, but you will not 
 have your meeting, as you call it, in the drawing-room," 
 said Millicent calmly. " It's next door to mother's bed- 
 room, remember. She would never get to sleep with all 
 that noise going on." 
 
 " Confound the drawing-room ! What I wish to say is, 
 that you're getting quite disreputable, Mil. You've been 
 seen walking about with all sorts of dandified young fools. 
 You're beginning to be talked about in the Avenue, and 
 I'll have you know that I won't stand it. Now, it isn't as 
 if you were a girl with no chances. Here's Harry Jones 
 — a man who drives his own gig, and can afford to spend 
 his summer holidays in Switzerland — is quite willing to 
 marry }ou any day ! " 
 
 " I am eternally obliged to Mr. Jones," murmured his 
 sister, with a visible effort at self control. 
 
 " And you — you spend your spare time loitering about 
 the streets, and carrying on with a lot of lazy young swells 
 who can do you no good, and who mean to do you a lot of 
 harm. I shouldn't like a sister of mine to take to- — " 
 
 Here Percy's tirade came to an abrupt end, for swiftly, 
 and without a word, his sister left her chair and glided from 
 the room. He caught a glimpse of a pale face with quiver- 
 ing lips, of dark eyes flashing from under a wealth of rich
 
 ALL FOOLS 65 
 
 brown hair ; then he was left to finish his breakfast alone, 
 in the proud consciousness of having done his duty as a 
 man and a brother. 
 
 " It's only one of her tiffs," he thought. " She'll think it 
 over in the course of the day, and she's bound to see the 
 force of what I've said. I shall have her kissing and 
 hugging, and begging my pardon this evening." 
 
 Yet he felt uneasy. It occurred to him that he might 
 have slightly — very slightly, of course — overstepped the 
 limits of brotherly authority. Of course, Mil would never 
 really do anything to make her brother blush for her ; but 
 she seemed to him to have been making herself a little 
 too cheap lately ; and who was to take her to task if he 
 didn't, he would like to know? Still, he had his mis- 
 givings. They were strong enough to draw him into 
 the passage. 
 
 " Mil ! " he shouted, in a tone that was intended to 
 convey a sense of apology to the very top of the house, 
 where Millicent's bedroom was. 
 
 There was no answer. 
 
 " I say. Mil, old girl, it's all right ! I'll put off the meet- 
 ing of Parliament till to-morrow — Saturday — if you like." 
 It would be more convenient, on second thoughts. They 
 could make sure of a fuller house on the last day of the 
 week. "And we'll have it in the dining-room. Come, 
 make it up ! " 
 
 But instead of the lovely vision from a higher sphere, 
 which, from his upward gaze, he seemed to expect, a red- 
 armed, print-dressed being, with mouth agape, appeared 
 from the lower regions. 
 
 " Miss Milly 'as started for business, sir. I see 'er go 
 out of the back-gyte meself jess this minute," said the maid- 
 of-all-work, standing in the narrow way between the stair- 
 case and the wall, which was the continuation of the little 
 entrance-hall gardenwards. She wiped lier liands \igor-
 
 66 ALL FOOLS 
 
 ously in her apron, as her custom was when addressing one 
 of " the fam'ly." 
 
 " Oh, damn ! " said Percy profanely, and he relapsed into 
 the dining-room. " The cofifee's cold," he thought. " I'd 
 better be starting. Mil shouldn't take my lecture too 
 much to heart. Naturally, I can't see my sister making a 
 fool of herself without putting in my word of warning. If 
 only she would marry Harry and have done with it ! 
 Marry — Harry ! Why, that's poetry, or I'm a Dutchman ! 
 I must work it up a bit and give; it to the Right Honourable 
 Minister for Foreign Affairs. Or I might bring it into my 
 speech on the Budget." 
 
 Thus musing, he passed out into the hall, and took up 
 his hat and stick, stooping the while to avoid capital 
 contact with the hall-lamp — a weird thing, crabbed with 
 ironwork, and religious with stained glass — which hung 
 cumbrously low in the passage from the stairs to the front 
 door. 
 
 " Jane," he called, going to the top of the kitchen stairs. 
 " Yes, sir." 
 
 He was aware, from a certain squirminess in the voice of 
 the maid-of-all-work, that the hands were being wiped upon 
 the apron as usual. 
 
 " Did Miss Millicent say anytiiing about a meeting of 
 Parliament in this house to-night ? " 
 
 " Yessir ; I was to get the dinin'-room ready against yte 
 o'clock, and I was to put as many saucers as I could about 
 the floor for the gentry to spit into." 
 
 The girl's tone was very obsequious. Percy's Parliament 
 was to her a great and solemn institution. She had mixed 
 it up in her muddled brain with the more notorious Debat- 
 ing Society at Westminster, and she revered its members as 
 demi-gods. She was even now preparing to scrub and dust 
 the dining-room thoroughly that it might be worthy of 
 guests so illustrious. The reverent tone of the girl had a
 
 ALL FOOLS 67 
 
 soothing effect upon Percy. He twirled his moustache 
 complacently. 
 
 "It will not be to-night/' he shouted into the black 
 abyss. " Parliament is prorogued until to-morrow — 
 Saturday — evening, at eight o'clock." 
 
 " Saturday evenin', yte o'clock," came the echo in 
 Cockney accents from below. " Yessir." 
 
 " And, Jane, try and remember to bring all the arm- 
 chairs you can find into the dining-room to-morrow evening, 
 will you ? " 
 
 " Yessir." 
 
 " Good-morning." 
 
 " Good-mornin', sir." 
 
 And Percy Woodward, with a low bow in passing to that 
 weird relic of the Middle Ages, the suburban hall-lamp, 
 slammed the door behind him, and hurried down the street 
 in the direction of the bank. 
 
 Millicent was very careless in her typewriting that morn- 
 ing — at least, so the manager said. But she, for her part, 
 asserted that something was wrong with her machine. In 
 a letter to a firm of milliners it inserted the word "dis- 
 reputable," rendering the letter of none effect, so that it had 
 to be done again from the beginning ; and then, just when 
 the new copy was almost complete, it wrote " Percy," and 
 then " Harry," and then Lee-S — , without the slightest 
 regard for the context. However, the letter was finished 
 at last, with other letters besides, and the luncheon hour 
 arrived. 
 
 Millicent resisted the temptation to join Rose Langley 
 and the other girls at a merry if frugal meal at a neighbour- 
 ing A. B. C. Turning her face resolutely westward, she 
 contrived, with the help of the underground railway, to 
 reach High Street, Kensington, in rather more than twenty- 
 five minutes, and asked her way to the police-station. 
 
 " Lee-Stretton ?— Mr. Lee-Stretton ? No, miss. There's
 
 68 ALL FOOLS 
 
 no one in the lock-up at this moment," said the inspector, 
 into whose presence she was ushered. 
 
 Milly showed her telegram. 
 
 " Oh, now I remember ! " " He's all right, miss. He 
 was arrested by mistake — might have been rather an 
 awkward mistake for him, if his friends hadn't stood 
 by him. He went home in a cab, straight from the 
 court. Your brother, perhaps, miss ? " 
 
 " No, only a friend." 
 
 "Ah!" said the inspector, with knowing sympathy. 
 "Well, I'm glad it's no worse than it is, for your sake, I'm 
 sure. Good-day, miss." 
 
 Millicent had to wait ten minutes for a train at High 
 Street Station, and, by the time she reached the office, the 
 other girls were coming back to work. 
 
 " It doesn't matter," she thought. " I must be a miser- 
 able sort of creature, if I can't go without my lunch for 
 once. I sha'n't miss it a bit." 
 
 But, in spite of her assurance, when five o'clock came 
 and work was at an end for the day, she felt weak and 
 giddy, and was fain to turn into a pastry-cook's shop for 
 a cup of tea, before braving the foul air and crowded 
 compartments of the underground. 
 
 As it was, when she at length reached her journey's end, 
 she felt tired and very irritable. The thought of meeting 
 Percy once more, after what he had said to her at break- 
 fast that morning, revived all the old shame and anger 
 within her. She would not go home to supper. A cup of 
 coffee and a sandwich at the greasy little Italian restaurant, 
 seemed preferable to a comfortable meal at home, with 
 Percy for companion. How dared he speak to her as he 
 had spoken ? The fact that he was her brother only made 
 matters worse. They had been very good friends as boy 
 and girl — such good friends that they had seemed more 
 like two brothers than brother and sister. It was only in
 
 ALL FOOLS 69 
 
 these later, grown-up days that Percy had come to realise 
 that his sister was a very marriageable and, as he considered, 
 highly " flirtatious " young woman. 
 
 She found his anxiety about her good name peculiarly 
 offensive. She was very well able to take care of herself, 
 she would have him know. Besides, how was she ever to 
 find the right man, if she confined herself to the narrow 
 circle of her brother's intimates ? She was in no hurry to 
 be married, rather the contrary ; but still, she supposed she 
 would have to settle down some day in a home of her own, 
 and a husband was a necessary piece of furniture in the 
 house of a dowerless girl. 
 
 This evening, as she sat sipping her coffee in the little 
 tarnished restaurant, she felt a strong desire to do some- 
 thing outrageous, just to spite Percy ; but the possibilities 
 of the place, at that hour of the evening, were not great, 
 its occupants being limited to herself, the waiter, and a very 
 fat Swiss woman behind the counter. She could not bring 
 herself to contemplate a flirtation with the waiter, who was 
 a foreigner and dirty. Still, something must be done to 
 rile Percy. Happy thought ! She would stay out until 
 quite late. That ought to make him anxious. 
 
 Having paid her bill, she drew on her gloves, arranged 
 some stray wisps of hair before the, mirror, pulled down her 
 veil, and passed out into the street. But before she had 
 gone far, she began to feel tired and the tide of her resolu- 
 tion was on the ebb. Men who passed kept staring at her 
 — rather rudely, as she thought — and one of them actually 
 turned and followed close at her heels, coughing often to 
 attract her attention. How horrid it seemed that a girl 
 could not walk down a public street after dark, without 
 being insulted. She turned sharp round and retraced her 
 steps, freezing her unwelcome follower with a stony stare in 
 passing, and hastened homewards. Better to return and 
 face Percy, than to stay out in the streets and be stared at
 
 70 ALL FOOLS 
 
 and persecuted. There was a lump in her throat, which 
 would have become a sob if she had allowed it. 
 
 She could let herself in by the back door, and creep 
 softly upstairs, without Percy ever knowing that she had 
 come in. She would have ample time for her own particu- 
 lar mild form of wickedness on the morrow, when she went 
 to the theatre with Mr. Lee-Stretton. He v,-as such a shy, 
 unsophisticated boy, that she felt sure she could do 
 just what she pleased with him. She might even bring him 
 round home in the evening, just to annoy Percy. 
 
 So she lifted the latch of the garden gate, and crossed 
 the little square of gravel, with its illicit growth of grass and 
 dandelions, making as little noise as possible. A light 
 streamed out through the yellow blind of her mother's 
 bedroom window, bringing an oblong patch of mingled 
 gravel and weeds into undeserved notice. A faint reddish 
 glow from the pane of glass above the garden-door showed 
 that the gas in the hall was burning. 
 
 She passed up the steps, and, opening the door noiselessly, 
 entered the passage. 
 
 "Lor', Miss Milly ! Is it you? I made sure it was 
 thieves ! " cried Jane, the maid-of-all-work, peering from the 
 darkness of the doorway, which gave access to the lower 
 regions. " Mr. Percy ^ave been in a way about you. 'E's 
 jess this minute gone round to Mrs. Westerby's to see if 
 you was there." 
 
 Milly blushed guiltily. She had thought to make her 
 entry unobserved. It was very annoying to be surprised in 
 this way. 
 
 " Lor', Miss Milly ! " cried Jane, raising her hands from 
 the apron, and clasping them in an ecstacy of admiration, 
 " you're lookin' jess lovely — that you are ! I always did 
 say as you were the prettiest lyedy in all Englan'. 'E'll be 
 a lucky gentleman as gets you, miss." 
 
 Millicent felt herself blushing more violently than ever.
 
 ALL FOOLS y\ 
 
 Still, it is pleasant to be admired, even by a frowzy, ignorant, 
 little maid-of-all-work. She forgot the angry words that she 
 had had it in her mind to say to Jane, and when she spoke 
 her tone was gentle, even kind. 
 
 " Please tell Mr. Percy that I am sorry to have caused 
 him so much anxiety," she said. "I am very tired, and 
 shall go to bed at once." 
 
 " Yes, miss." 
 
 " And Jane, could you manage to bring me up some 
 bread and butter and a cup of coffee, when you call me 
 to-morrow morning ? I am almost ashamed to trouble 
 you." 
 
 '• That won't be no trouble at all," rejoined the maid-of- 
 all-work emphatically. " Good-night, miss." 
 
 Millicent stopped on her way upstairs to say good-night 
 to her mother, and then went to her own room. 
 
 " I will punish Percy ! " she said, addressing her own 
 fair image in the glass, as she sat combing her hair. '* And 
 I won't marry Mr. Jones ! I don't want to marry anybody 
 just yet." 
 
 She looked long and thoughtfully at the picture in the 
 mirror before her, thinking, perhaps, that, as she had such 
 a priceless treasure to give, she would rather bestow it upon 
 a man of her own choice, or at least upon someone more 
 capable of appreciating it than poor, vulgar little Harry 
 Jones. Why, Harry Jones would never notice whether she 
 was nicely dressed or in her oldest rags, except by a 
 snigger. Even that great, silly Lee-Stretton, with his 
 rabbit mouth, and his perpetual " I say, you know ! " 
 would be preferable.
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 IN WHICH MR. LEE-STRETTON IS IRRESISTIBLY DRAWN TO 
 SEE MISS WOODWARD AGAIN ; SUGGESTING THE SIMILE 
 OF A MOTH AND A CANDLE. 
 
 "I don't know what to think of it," said Bunny sadly ; 
 '• she's the prettiest girl I ever saw ! And yet, you know, 
 her saying that there was nobody following us looks bad. 
 But I say, Blackstone, if you could see her figure, and her 
 hair, and her eyes ! " 
 
 He took a long pull at his pipe, closing his eyes the 
 better to enjoy the charming memory invoked. 
 
 Mr. Blackstone was sitting with his feet upon the mantel- 
 piece, his chair tilted at an angle which would have been 
 perilous but for the support of the long table behind. As 
 he had his back to the gaslight, he was able to watch every 
 shade of expression upon Bunny's face, his own sun-burnt 
 visage being in the shadow. He took his pipe from his 
 mouth and eyed his young friend critically. 
 
 " You're getting on, youngster," he said, " but T e.xpect 
 the figure is all padding." 
 
 There was silence in the class-room for some minutes 
 broken only by the occasional beat of a horse's hoofs, or 
 the rumble of some vehicle passing in the street without. 
 
 " Where's Brown Geegee ? " asked Bunny at length, 
 opening his eyes. 
 
 " Upstairs, reading law, or some such rubbish." 
 
 " What an ass he is ! " 
 
 Blackstone nodded assent. 
 72
 
 ALL FOOLS 73 
 
 " But I say, Blackstone, if you could only see the colour 
 of that hair ! It's magnificent, you know ! " 
 
 " Brown Geegee's hair is queer, I allow," said Blackstone, 
 looking at the ceiling. 
 
 "Oh, confound Geegee ! " cried Bunny fervently. "I 
 mean my girl's hair—Millicent's liair ! " 
 
 " You mean your girl's hair, Millicent's hair," echoed the 
 militiaman, with a touch of irony. 
 
 " But, I say, no humbug, you know ! What do you 
 think I'd better do ? I'm not quite sure whether I ought 
 to meet her to-morrow or not." 
 
 " Don't ! " said Blackstone decidedly. 
 
 " But then, if I don't, I shall never know whether she's 
 innocent or not ? " 
 
 " Then do ! " 
 
 '* Yes, I think I shall go to the station at the time she 
 fixed. If she doesn't turn up, I shall know she has some- 
 thing to be ashamed of. That's how it seems to me ! " 
 
 "And it seems to me," said Blackstone slowly, blowing a 
 cloud of smoke ceiling-wards, '' that you'd better know what 
 you mean to do with her before you meet her at the station. 
 Take care to say nothing about weddings, or any humbug 
 of that sort, or you'll be finding out what breach of promise 
 means in hard cash. A girl like that comes expensive 
 anyway ! " 
 
 " Shut up, Blackstone ! " said Bunny, turning very red. 
 " If I can get engaged to her I shall consider myself an 
 uncommonly lucky chap. Of course, I can't think of 
 marrying just at present; but next year I shall be twenty- 
 one, and then I shall come into a little money which an 
 uncle of mine left me. Besides, with a girl like that to 
 work for, I shall be sure to do well in my exam." 
 
 Blackstone regarded his companion with a queer 
 expression. 
 
 "You're thinking seriously of marrying the girl," he said,
 
 74 ALL FOOLS 
 
 " and yet you have reason to believe that she's in league 
 with a gang of thieves. What will your people say to it, I 
 wonder ? " 
 
 " I don't care a hang what my people say ! When a 
 fellow gets to a certain age he can act for himself, I sup- 
 pose. I heartily despise a chap who lets his people choose 
 a wife for him, or marries for money." 
 
 Blackstone smoked on in silence for some time ; then he 
 took down his feet from the mantelpiece, and leaned for- 
 ward to knock out his pipe against the bars of the fireless 
 grate. Glancing sidelong at Bunny, he said : 
 
 " I should awfully like to see this beauty of yours. You 
 might ask me to be of the party. I won't spoil sport, and 
 I'll pay my share of everything." 
 
 " But I say, Blackstone, old chap, if you don't mind, I 
 think I'd rather not. I've only seen her once before, you 
 know, and — and I should like to have her to myself to- 
 morrow. Some other day I shall be awfully glad to have 
 you with us, but to-morrow — you understand, don't you, 
 old chap ? " 
 
 Blackstone stroked his moustache reflectively. His eyes 
 twinkled with amusement as he said : 
 
 "What a selfish chap you are. But at least you'll let me 
 go with you to the station, to console you in case she 
 doesn't turn up. I promise to go away directly she 
 appears. You can't very well refuse me that ! " 
 
 Bunny signified his consent by a reluctant nod, not 
 seeing his way clear to a polite refusal. He had a great 
 respect for the militiaman, as for a man who had seen a 
 vast deal of " life," and whose knowledge of "the world" 
 was abnormal. But, in his present love-lorn state, he found 
 Blackstone's cynicism with regard to women offensive. He 
 was disposed to resent the man of the world's attempt to 
 bespatter his bran-new idol, as a personal insult. He like- 
 wise harboured a fear lest Blackstone, who by his own
 
 ALL FOOLS 7S 
 
 showing was well versed in the ways of women — witness 
 that remark about padding — should so work his way 
 into Miss Woodward's good graces as to oust poor Bunny 
 from lier heart for ever. 
 
 He was almost sorry that he had taken Blackstone into 
 his confidence. But his soul, in the kindly relaxation of 
 the after-dinner pipe, had craved a listener, and his choice 
 had been limited to that of the legendary Hobson. 
 
 "Well," said the militiaman, refilling his pipe, "you're 
 the queerest chap I ever had to do with. You had a jolly 
 bad time of it last night, all through this precious girl of 
 yours, and yet you're as keen on her as ever. If you mean 
 to shed your clothes each time you meet her, she'll cost you 
 something in tailor's bills." 
 
 " I think I shall go to bed now," said Bunny, with a 
 yawn. " I didn't get a wink of sleep last night." 
 
 " And you won't get a wink of sleep to-morrow night, I 
 wouldn't mind betting. She'll have you robbed again, as 
 sure as fate," said Blackstone soothingly. " Did Sammy 
 say anything to you about being locked up ? " 
 
 " Not a word. I expected a lecture, but he only said, 
 ' Good evening, Mr. Lee-Stretton. You are a nice, gentle- 
 manly young fellow. We must get you through your exam.' 
 And then he told me that his wife was ' laid upon a bed of 
 sickness,' and something about a burglar who had * no 
 bowels of compassion.' " 
 
 "That's just like Sammy. He forgets everything. 
 Good-night ! " 
 
 Bunny's rest that night was troubled by an evil dream. 
 
 He was sitting in the class-room talking to Millicent, who, 
 by the way, had her feet upon the mantelpiece, when 
 Blackstone entered, followed by Brown Geegee, the police- 
 magistrate, and a host of constables. 
 
 " Strip ! " cried Blackstone, looking rudely at Millicent. 
 " That figure is all padding ! "
 
 •^^ ALL FOOLS 
 
 Miss Woodward shrieked, and Bunny rushed forward to 
 her rescue, brandishing a gun. He was suddenly disarmed, 
 and transported to his cell at the police-station. He lay 
 upon the hard mattress, writhing in impotent rage. He 
 could hear Milliccnt in the public room, shrieking to be let 
 out. Her shrieks died away in a volley of curses. Then 
 he heard the voice of the police-magistrate : 
 
 "This is really the most remarkable mistake! It isn't 
 padding after all ! " 
 
 He paused to give his words their full effect. 
 
 " I need detain you no longer. Your friend, Mr Black- 
 stone, will take you home in a cab. May I suggest a four- 
 wheeler ? " 
 
 Bunny made a blind rush for the wall of the cell. It 
 gave way with a crash, and he awoke — to find his bedroom 
 full of sunlight and Blackstone standing beside the bed 
 with a poker in his hand. 
 
 " I say, Blackstone, old chap, you're a d — d scoun- 
 drel, you know ! " he murmured, with sleepy male- 
 volence. 
 
 " If you don't wake up properly, I shall have to upset a 
 jug over you," said the militiaman. " It's getting on for 
 twelve o'clock. You'd better get up, if you mean to keep 
 your appointment with the fair Millicent." 
 
 Bunny sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes with his 
 knuckles. 
 
 " Then it's not true," he muttered ; " I'm jolly glad of it ! 
 But what are you doing with that poker ? " 
 
 " I'd tried every way of waking you, short of personal 
 violence, so I was just beginning to beat a tattoo on the 
 bedstead when you opened your eyes. Get up, you lazy 
 hound ! " 
 
 Bunny was seized by the arm and dragged forcibly out on 
 to the floor. 
 
 " Oh, I sav, you know ! " he protested, on his hands and
 
 ALL FOOLS TJ 
 
 knees. " You needn't go knocking a fellow about like 
 that. I feel like one big bruise." 
 
 "Dress as quick as you can and have some breakfast, and 
 you'll soon get over it. Are you quite awake ? " 
 
 " Rather," said Bunny, scrambling to his feet and making 
 for the washhand-stand ; " I'll be down in ten minutes at 
 the latest." 
 
 " Well, I give you a quarter of an hour. If you aren't 
 down by then, I'll chuck your breakfast out in the street. 
 I've moved it from the class-room to the dining-room to be 
 out of the way of the other chaps, and I've been keeping it 
 there for you ever since half-past nine." 
 
 " All right," sputtered Bunny, his dripping face and neck 
 enveloped in a huge towel, " I'll be down in a jiffy." 
 
 Some twelve minutes later he entered the dining-room 
 whither Blackstone had conveyed his breakfast, so as not to 
 disturb a French lesson wliich was going forward in the 
 class-room. The business of eating and drinking was 
 quickly disposed of, for the coffee was quite cold, and the 
 remains of a dish of ham and eggs unpalatable, by reason of 
 much grease. Bunny was in the act of laying down his 
 knife and fork after a brief but manful struggle with his 
 inclinations, when the door opened and the French master 
 looked in upon them. 
 
 " But what do you do?" he cried excitedly. " Meester 
 Lee-Stretton — Meester Blackstone ! will you do no French 
 to-day ? " 
 
 " No, thanks, mooshoo," said Blackstone, striding past 
 him into the hall. 
 
 ** I'm awfully sorry, sir," Bunny lingered to explain, " but 
 I'm afraid I've got an appointment." 
 
 "Appointment! What appointment? You will never 
 pass your exam., I say ! You will never get no appoint- 
 ment whatever — neizer of you," the French master screamed 
 after them ; and when, a minute later, they passed out at
 
 78 ALL FOOLS 
 
 the front door, the Httle man's voice was still ringing through 
 the house in shrill and angry protest. 
 
 Bunny paused at a sheltered corner to light a cigarette. 
 
 " Try a pipe ! " suggested Blackstone. 
 
 " No, thanks, it's not the thing to smoke a pipe in the 
 street, you know." 
 
 Blackstone withdrew his blackened briar from his mouth 
 and eyed it lovingly. 
 
 " You'll outgrow tliat notion, young 'un," he said. " Of 
 course I shouldn't walk down Piccadilly with a pipe in my 
 mouth, but up here in the mornings it's all right." 
 
 They walked on in silence for some time. Bunny, his 
 low-crowned billycock tilted rakishly back from his forehead, 
 held his walking-stick almost by the ferrule, and tapped the 
 calf of his leg from time to time with the handle thereof 
 in a devil-may-care manner. He cultivated a peculiar 
 swagger, supposed in certain juvenile circles to betoken a 
 knowledge of horse-flesh. His trousers were turned up, 
 although the morning was clear and dry, and both pavement 
 and roadway were as clean and free from mud as pavement 
 and roadway can be. In walking he kept his feet well 
 apart, bending his knees outward at every step, and a 
 tendency to stoop from the waist forward gave undue 
 prominence to coat-tails. With elbows raised, he manipu- 
 lated his cigarette in the most exquisite fashion, conveying it 
 slowly to his lips, taking a leisurely whiff, and then remov- 
 ing it by a graceful and gradual wave of the left arm 
 outwards. 
 
 Blackstone, about whose dress and bearing there was no 
 affectation, watched his junior's antics with ill-suppressed 
 glee, little guessing that himself had served, in part, as 
 model for the grotesque figure beside him. 
 
 " Do you wear stays, youngster ? " he asked, at length. 
 
 " Rather not ! " said Bunny. " They're awfully bad for a 
 fellow, you know ! "
 
 ALL FOOLS 79 
 
 " You look as if you did ! What a splendid figure you. 
 must have ! " 
 
 "That's just what my tailor says," assented Bunny 
 moodily. " But I own I took some pains about dressing 
 this morning. Girls think such a lot of waistcoats and ties 
 and all that. Do I look all right?" 
 
 " Irresistible ! " said Blackstone ecstatically. "You look 
 the heavy swell every inch of you ! " 
 
 " But I say, you know, I don't want to look too heav}', 
 or she'll be thinking I'm richer than I really am. I 
 shouldn't like her to take me for my money." 
 
 "She'll fall in love with you, right enough. I tell you, 
 man, you're irresistible!" 
 
 " She's a deuced fine girl ! " murmured Bunny, with a 
 complacent smile. 
 
 " But, then, perhaps she won't turn up ! " 
 " Oh, hang it all ! Don't suggest anything so beastly ! " 
 It was a bright, sunny day for London, but a bluish mist 
 lurked in the side-streets and in the distance. A fresh 
 breeze started up at unexpected corners, causing the two 
 friends to clutch wildly at their hats, and making their coat- 
 tails flatter in a vain endeavour to be free. It was a day 
 when ladies of a modest, or indeed of any disposition, love 
 to turn their backs to the wind, lest that libertine, in his 
 wanton caresses, should reveal too much of the liuman 
 form divine. 
 
 They had passed into a more crowded region and were 
 drawing near to the try sting-place, when Bunny suddenly 
 grasped his friend's arm. 
 
 " There she is ! " he whispered.
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 WHEREIN THE READER MAY, IF HE CHOOSE, OBSERVE THE 
 WAY OF A VERY YOUNG MAN WITH A MAID. 
 
 A YOUNG lady was standing at a street corner, with her back 
 to the wind. One hand was engaged in pinning her hat more 
 securely to her hair, the other held a parasol — an utterly 
 useless appendage on such a gusty day. 
 
 "Now, Blackstone, old chap ! " said Bunny. " Remember 
 what you said ! Go home, there's a good fellow ! You've 
 seen her ! " 
 
 "Yes," said Blackstone slowly, "but I haven't seen all 
 of her." 
 
 Bunny's dream recurred to his mind, liringing jealousy 
 with it. What a beast Blackstone v/as ! 
 
 "I haven't seen her face, you know," concluded the 
 militiaman. " I'll be hanged if I can be said to have seen 
 a girl until I've seen her face. By Jove ! She has seen 
 you and is coming this way. You can't do less than intro- 
 duce me, old chap." 
 
 Millicent was indeed coming towards them, fighting her 
 way inch by inch against the wind, for which her skirts and 
 the feathers in her hat seemed to have a strong fascination. 
 Bunny rushed forward to meet her, Blackstone following 
 more leisurely. 
 
 " I say, it's awfully good of you to come, you know^," he 
 
 began, holding out his hand. " I hope I'm not late. By 
 
 Jove, though, I've had a pretty bad time of it since I saw 
 
 you last. I'll tell you all about it while we're having lunch. 
 
 80
 
 ALL FOOLS 8 1 
 
 How are you ? How stupid of me ! Of course you can't 
 shake hands. Oh, I forgot." 
 
 Miss Woodward's eyes had wandered to the big militia- 
 man, who was standing at a httle distance from them, 
 trying hard to seem at ease. Passers-by turned to stare at 
 the young giant with his handsome, sunburnt face and well- 
 knit frame. 
 
 " Oh — er — allow me to introduce my friend, Mr. Black- 
 stone," said Bunny in his " Society " manner, with elbows 
 raised. 
 
 Blackstone lifted his hat and bowed. His face was 
 rather red. Surely a man so well versed in the ways of the 
 world could never be suspected of blushing? 
 
 There was a lull in the wind just then, and Miss Wood- 
 ward held out a hand to her new acquaintance — timidly, as 
 one who is not q.uite sure of the conventionalities. Black- 
 stone grasped it with rather more of warmtli than tlie 
 occasion warranted, or so it seemed to Bunny. 
 
 " Mr. Blackstone was kind enough to walk down here with 
 me," explained the latter, anxious to be rid of so redoubtable 
 a friend. "We are at the same crammer's, you know. 
 Thanks awfully, Blackstone, old chap. It seems a shame 
 to have brought you so far out of your way. You have 
 your work cut out, I'm afraid, if you mean to be back at 
 Sammy's in time for lunch. Good-bye, till this evening." 
 
 "Oh, must you really go?" said Millicent, looking up at 
 Blackstone with a shade of regret in her eyes and again 
 holding out the hand, greatly to Bunny's annoyance. 
 
 " What a splendid man your friend is ! " she exclaimed, 
 as soon as they were alone together. 
 
 "Yes, he is a bit big, isn't he?" assented Bunny moodily. 
 " Bi5t, I say, where would you like to have lunch ? " 
 
 Millicent protested. 
 
 " Oh, I can't really let you waste your money on mo ! 
 Will you let me pay half ? "
 
 82 ALL FOOLS 
 
 Her hand was wandering to the back of her skirt, in 
 some subtle fold of which her purse lay hidden ; but just 
 then a gust of wind swept the street, and the hand was 
 needed elsewhere. 
 
 " I say, you know," argued Bunny, " when a fellow asks 
 a lady to go to lunch and the theatre, he always pays for 
 everything. Where shall it be ? " 
 
 Millicent suggested : 
 
 "There's an A. B. C. just round the corner. A glass of 
 milk and a slice of cake — " 
 
 " Glass of milk, indeed ! " broke in Bunny indignantly. 
 " Call that a lunch ? I say, you know, you really mustn't 
 talk like that." 
 
 " Oh, very well, then," said Millicent, with a little sigh of 
 resignation. " I leave it to you entirely. But, I warn 
 you, a big lunch will be quite wasted on me, for I'm not 
 one bit hungry." 
 
 "Well, then, we'll go to Jimmy's," said Bunny, waving 
 his stick to hail a passing hansom. " The St. James's 
 Restaurant, I mean," he explained, with a touch of conde- 
 scension. " We men about town always call it ' Jimmy's,' 
 and I forgot that you mightn't understand. Will you get 
 in first, please ? " 
 
 " Now you must tell me all about your dreadful adven- 
 tures, and how you got locked up," said she, as they drove 
 through the streets side by side. 
 
 Bunny was tempted to seize the little, gloved hand, which 
 lay so lonely and enticing in her lap. But, reflecting that 
 such action on his part might perhaps be a little prema- 
 ture, he clasped his own hands tight across his knee, and 
 began his story. He had got no further than the scene at 
 the German's house when they reached their destination. 
 Bunny paid the cabman three times his proper fare, and 
 they passed into the grill-room.
 
 ALL FOOLS 83 
 
 " What shall we have ? " he asked, handing the bill of 
 fare across the table to his guest. 
 
 " I hardly know," she said. " There are so many things, 
 and they're all so nice." 
 
 At length they agreed to choose mutton cutlets and 
 tomato sauce, with potatoes and green peas, and, while 
 these dainties were in course of preparation. Bunny had 
 time to finish his story. 
 
 Millicent made a charming listener. She knew when 
 and how to show her sympathy. How her eyes flashed 
 and her bosom heaved, and what a depth of scorn she put 
 into the word " Coward," when he told of Brown Geegee 
 and the gun ! The soft look in her eyes, and the way she 
 had of murmuring " Poor boy ! " with an agonised little 
 catch in her breath, when he dwelt upon his sufferings in 
 the cell, were cheap even at that heavy price. But, when 
 he came to tell of his rescue by Blackstone from the police 
 court, and she said " Bravo ! " and seemed inclined to 
 give, as he thought, too great credit to the rescuer, there 
 was a little gall in the honey. 
 
 ** Is that the same gentleman I met to-day ? " she asked. 
 
 Bunny was forced to say " Yes." 
 
 " He looks like it. How jolly it must be for you to have 
 a really nice friend living in the same house ! " 
 
 " He — he's a bit of a rake, you know — Blackstone is ! " 
 said Bunny thoughtfully. 
 
 " All men are that, aren't they ? " 
 
 " That's a bit sweeping, you know ! " 
 
 " Well, what do you mean by a rake ? " she asked. 
 
 " He gets drunk now and then, and goes on the ' bust,' 
 and all that sort of thing, you know." 
 
 " I don't know," said Millicent, with a charming pout. 
 " I wish you'd explain. What is a ' bust ' ? " 
 
 At this point the waiter created a diversion by bringing 
 in the cutlets and a new topic of conversation.
 
 84 ALL FOOLS 
 
 " Any wine, sir ? " 
 
 " Oh, I say, you know, I was forgetting. What will you 
 have to drink ? " said Bunny, seizing the wine-list. " Cham- 
 pagne, shall it be ? " 
 
 " Oh, no, thank you ; really, no ! " she said earnestly. 
 " I never take anything of the sort. A lemon-squash for 
 me, please ! " 
 
 " Well, then, I'll have a bottle of Bass," said Bunny. 
 " It's no fun drinking champagne alone," he added, by way 
 of apology to the waiter. 
 
 " I say, you know, I had no idea that you were a tee- 
 totaller," he pursued, when they were left to themselves once 
 more. 
 
 "I'm not a teetotaller exactly," she explained. "I've 
 never signed a pledge, I mean, or taken any vows. But 
 I'm not used to wine. We never have anything of the sort 
 at home, for economy's sake. My brother drinks beer, 
 but I can't bear the taste of it." 
 
 She made a little grimace expressive of disgust. 
 The word " economy " left Bunny thoughtful for some 
 time. Was she very poor, he wondered ? She was prettily 
 dressed, and she ate and spoke like a lady. If she would 
 only allow him to lend her a pound or two, just to go on 
 with. But perhaps it was not quite so bad as all that. 
 Her brother had his beer, he remembered with relief, and 
 she herself had offered to pay half the luncheon expenses. 
 
 "To hear my old governor talk, you know," he 
 meditated, "anyone would think he was as poor as a rat. 
 Anyway, she shall have a thorough good time with me to- 
 day, if I have to spend my last farthing to give it her." 
 
 Having come to this praiseworthy conclusion, he called 
 for a newspaper, and glanced down the list of matinees. 
 Miss Woodward was fond of music, it seemed ; so he 
 decided upon a comic opera, which, the newspaper said, 
 had been performed three hundred consecutive times at the
 
 ALL FOOLS • 85 
 
 same theatre ; and which MilHcent assured him she would 
 Uke above all things to hear and see. 
 
 So, having sipped their coffee and discharged their bill, 
 they sallied forth once more, and drove in a hansom to the 
 theatre. Millicent was looking at the photographs of 
 actors and actresses, which adorned the walls of the box- 
 office, while Bunny bought the tickets ; so she had no idea 
 to what part of the house they were going. Her astonish- 
 ment was great when he led her to the stalls. 
 
 " Oh, you naughty boy ! " she whispered, with dehghted 
 eyes. " How wicked of you to deceive me like this. I 
 made sure you would go to the upper circle. It's a shame 
 to let you waste such a lot of money on me." 
 
 Her hand rested on his arm for a second's space — ^just 
 long enough to make him miss it when it was withdrawn. 
 
 Bunny was perfectly happy. The performance upon the 
 stage was of no interest to him compared with the girl at 
 his side. She took off her hat before the curtain went up, 
 and her beauty stood the test. That wealth of golden-brown 
 hair drew Bunny's eyes from the actors, and the music 
 throbbed and beat, rose and fell, seeming to keep time 
 with his heart. 
 
 The dainty poise of htr head, the soft fulness of her bust 
 as she leaned forward, her eyes that kept looking round at 
 him, to make quite sure that he was enjoying it all as much 
 as she was — all these delights, in the dimness of the 
 darkened theatre, illumined only by the glow from the 
 footlights, sent the warm blood tingling through Bunny's 
 veins. He forgot everything — home, parents, examination, 
 Blackstone, even himself — for the lime being. 
 
 Then, in the interval between the acts, how she praised 
 everything, and how she kept thanking Bunny for bringing 
 her to the stalls, where she could hear every word, and see 
 the actresses quite well without opera-glasses ! And how 
 sorry she was for one of the chorus-girls, who walked a little
 
 86 ALL FOOLS 
 
 lame ! Bunny wished that life were one long matinee, that 
 he might sit in the stalls for ever with Millicent by his 
 side. 
 
 But the end came at last. The curtain fell. The lights 
 were turned up. The last notes of the orchestra died away. 
 
 Millicent sighed. 
 
 " Oh, it has been heavenly," she murmured, clasping 
 her hands and pressing them to her bosom. " How can I 
 ever thank you for the pleasure you have given me ? " 
 
 " Oh, don't mention it," said Bunny, and then cursed 
 himself for making so commonplace a remark to her, of all 
 people. Having pinned on her hat, she took up her 
 parasol and declared herself ready. 
 
 " I'm awfully sorry it's over," said Bunny, when they 
 were out in the street. " I've enjoyed myself immensely. 
 It's so jolly, being with you, you know." 
 
 Why could not he say what he wished to say, he 
 wondered ? His heart was full of things to say to her — 
 things that any girl would be glad to hear. And there was 
 he talking everyday, prosaic rubbish. If only his heart 
 could have spoken ! Words were quite inadequate to ex- 
 press his meaning. 
 
 " Now let's look out for somewhere to have tea," he said, 
 elbowing a way through the crush about the doors of the 
 theatre. " I think you'd better take my arm, Millicent, if 
 you don't mind." 
 
 The Christian name had shpped from him unawares. He 
 blushed and bit his lip. She clung confidently to his arm, 
 and the throng forced her very close to him. 
 
 " Won't you call me Milly ? " she said, almost in a 
 whisper; "Millicent is such a mouthful. They all call me 
 Milly at home." 
 
 Bunny made instant use of the permission by repeating 
 the name softly, as if he were committing it to memory ; 
 and they walked on down the Strand.
 
 ALL FOOLS 87 
 
 The street was flooded with ruddy light from the sunset. 
 Here and there a window sparkled, as it caught the rays, or 
 flashed into molten flame. Every object cast a blue-grey 
 shadow eastward upon pavement and roadway. 
 
 "Let's go down to the Embankment," said Millicent 
 softly, " the river must be looking lovely." 
 
 " But, I say, you know ! How about tea ? " protested 
 Bunny. 
 
 " I know a nice shop close to Westminster Bridge," she 
 replied coaxingly. " I wouldn't miss the sunset on the river 
 for worlds." 
 
 They turned down a narrow by-street in deep shadow 
 and, gaining the river-side, set their faces westward. They 
 walked in silence, until Hungerford Bridge was passed. 
 Then Millicent stopped short. 
 
 " Isn't it heavenly ? " she exclaimed^ with an increased 
 pressure of his arm. 
 
 A rich flush — richer for the smoke-wreaths that inter- 
 vened — suffused the sky, and was reflected in deeper hue 
 down the wide reach of the river. The arches of West- 
 minster Bridge stood out dark and grey amid the glow, as 
 it were a barrier to hold the glory of the heavens above 
 asunder from the glory of the waters beneath. A few long 
 wisps of diaphanous cloud stretched, pink and fleecy, even 
 to the distant east. The clock-tower of the Houses of 
 Parliament rose against the sky like some giant watcher, 
 who had turned his back upon the city to gaze steadfastly 
 into the reddening west. All things, save the busy, irre- 
 verent throng of human life, seemed to have turned their 
 faces westward to receive the last kiss of the dying day, 
 
 "Isn't it lovely?" said Millicent, looking up into Bunny's 
 face. 
 
 " Splendid ! " he agreed, with real enthusiasm. He was 
 so glad that she had forgotten to take away her arm. 
 " Now let's have some tea ! "
 
 88 ALL FOOLS 
 
 " Why are you in such a hurry ? " she asked, with wonder- 
 ing eyes. " Are you so very hungry ? " 
 
 " No," said Bunny impudently, " but you are ! " 
 
 Milly laughed. 
 
 " You think you know a lot about my feelings, Mr. 
 Masterful," she said ; " but let me tell you that I could 
 watch a lovely sunset for ever and ever, without once think- 
 ing of anything so sordid as tea and bread and butter. So 
 now you know !— Oh, I forgot ! " 
 
 She hastily withdrew her arm from his, blushing and 
 seeming confused. 
 
 " Oh, I say, you know ! " pleaded Bunny. " It's been 
 there so long, and I've enjoyed it so much ! " 
 
 "It has been there far too long," she said, with cruel 
 decision. " Let's make haste ! " 
 
 If Bunny had found the lunch enjoyable, the tea was, to 
 use a pet expression of Millicent's, "simply heavenly." They 
 were the only customers in the shop, and the waitress, 
 scenting a love-affair, was discreetly sympathetic, and kept 
 herself in the background. 
 
 Drawing off her gloves in a very workmanlike manner, 
 Milly took charge of the tea-pot, while Bunny watched her 
 every movement with keen appreciation. 
 
 " It's much too strong," she said with a pout, poui ing out 
 half a cupful of dark fluid. " We must have some hot 
 WiJter ! " 
 
 The waitress appeared, as if by magic, from behind a 
 screen, and, in an incredibly short space of time, a jug of 
 hot water was on the table and the tea was diluted to Miss 
 Woodward's liking. 
 
 Bunny might have been drinking nectar, or castor oil, for 
 aught he knew to the contrary. He tasted nothing in the 
 tea, save a faint and, as he fancied, intoxicating flavour of 
 Milly. He asked for a second cup, and yet a third, to 
 keep his enchantress company. Then he picked up her
 
 ALL FOOLS 89 
 
 gloves, which were lying on the table, and, having made 
 sure that the waitress was out of sight, pressed them fer- 
 vently to his lips. 
 
 *'0h, you silly bo)'," said Millicent, with a nervous 
 laugh. " What are you doing with those poor old gloves 
 of mine ? " 
 
 " I'm kissing them," said Bunny boldly. " They're your 
 gloves, you know ! I say, may I keep one of them?" 
 
 •''Certainly not. It would spoil the pair 3 and they're 
 still very good gloves. Please give them back to me." 
 
 " Not I ! " said Bunny, putting them in his pocket. 
 " Perhaps if you're a very good girl, you shall have them 
 back in the course of the evening. But it all depends upon 
 how you behave." 
 
 " You are unkind," she said pouting. " I must go home 
 now, if you please ! It's getting late." 
 
 "Right you are !" Bunny agreed, and he proceeded to 
 pay the bill. 
 
 "Now, do give me back my gloves," she said coaxingly, 
 when they were out in the street. 
 
 Beyond the glare of the lamps, the old Abbey and the 
 adjacent Houses of Parliament stood out grey and mystic 
 against the sky, where the last faint flush of day still 
 lingered, divided by a belt of pale green from the advanc- 
 ing night. 
 
 " I must go home by the underground," said Milly. 
 " Do, please, give me back my gloves ! " 
 
 " Underground ! I should think not ! " exclaimed Bunny 
 indignantly. " I can't say good-bye to you like this. It's 
 too sudden, you know. Let me d'ive you home in a 
 hansom." 
 
 "You have spent so much money on me already," she 
 protested, with a show of reluctance. 
 
 By way of answer. Bunny called a hansom. He was 
 growing very bold and masterful, alone with this lovely girl
 
 90 ALL FOOLS 
 
 in the glamour of the hghted streets. He was even con- 
 scious of some surprise at his own daring, when, Millicent 
 having taken her seat, he gave a random address to the 
 driver and jumped in beside her. The horse started off at 
 a trot towards St. James's Park. 
 
 " You rememliered the address, didn't you ? " she asked, 
 a Httle anxiously, as she settled herself in her corner. 
 
 "That's all right," said Bunny. "Now, about those 
 gloves ! " 
 
 " Oh, please give them back," she pleaded — " Douglas ! " 
 
 "That's all right for a beginning," he said. "It's the 
 first time you've called me by my Christian name, you 
 know." 
 
 " Isn't that enough, Douglas ? " 
 
 She laid her hand appealingly upon his sleeve. He 
 seized it at once, and pressed it passionately to his lips. 
 
 " Oh, don't, please don't ! " she cried, in a frightened 
 tone. 
 
 For all answer, Bunny sidled closer to her, and put his 
 arm round her waist. 
 
 " It's unfair. It's cruel of you ! " she exclaimed, 
 struggling to be free. 
 
 "Forgive me," he whispered, bending over her, "I 
 couldn't help it. I love you so. Do try and care for me, 
 just a little." 
 
 "I like you very much," she murmured breathlessly; 
 " but I have seen so little of you." 
 
 Bunny pressed his lips to her cheek again and again. 
 
 " Milly, darling!" he whispered, "I'm awfully in love 
 wiih you. I can't bear the thought of leaving you even for 
 a minute. It's love at first sight, that's what it is." 
 
 She was very still, but her breath came fast and choking. 
 He could feel her trembling in his arms, and fancied her 
 about to yield. 
 
 " Milly, dearest ! " he panted, " could you wait for me ?
 
 ALL FOOLS 91 
 
 You're the first girl I've ever loved — upon my honour you 
 are ! It'll be a long time, I know. A whole year at the least ; 
 but I would work awfully hard for my exam., and — and I 
 feel sure I could do something great in the world, if only 
 you will let me be engaged to you. Will you marry me, 
 Miliy?" 
 
 By a frantic effort she broke from his arms, and shrank 
 into her own corner, pushing up her veil, as if in need of 
 more air. 
 
 The light from a street-lamp fell on her face for a 
 moment. It was deadly pale, and there was a sparkle of 
 tears in her eyes. 
 
 ** You don't, you can't know what you're saying," she said, 
 in a low tone. " You have only known me one day. You 
 know nothing of my birth or — or character, or anything 
 about me. You're excited, because you're alone with me, 
 and you're a man and I'm a girl, and — and it's all new to 
 you ! But yi.u'll repent of your proposal in the morn- 
 ing. No, I can't listen to you. I — I dare/i't listen to 
 you ! " 
 
 She buried her face in her hands, as if to shut out the 
 alluring prospect of a settled future, a life of leisure, the 
 position of a lady, freedom for ever from the sordid pretence 
 of her home surroundings, which his proposal called up 
 before her mind's eye. The poor fellow was so much in 
 earnest, too.. His pleadings affected her strangely. At 
 length she said, in a broken voice : 
 
 "What would your parents say to me, as a daughter-in- 
 law, I wonder? I am a lady, I believe, by birth, and I've 
 had a fair education ; but I can't pretend to be your equal. 
 I'm a typewriter girl, and you're a gentleman. Let's be 
 friends — we can be nothing more ! The difference is too 
 great." 
 
 She stretched out her hands, in a gesture at once of 
 despair and entreaty. Bunny, quite beyond himself in the
 
 92 ALL FOOLS 
 
 drunkenness of his first passion, seized the hands roughly 
 and kissed them again and again. 
 
 "Oh, you mustn't! It's cruel!" she moaned, striving 
 • in vain to be free. 
 
 " I don't care what you are," said Bunny; and there was 
 a note of triumph in his voice. " If you were a bare-footed 
 beggar-girl, I should want to marry you just the same ! 
 Milly — darling Milly, can't you understand? I love you, 
 dearest ! " 
 
 He released her hand, and sank back into his own corner 
 of the hansom. 
 
 "My people have nothing whatever to do with it. I 
 sha'n't even tell them about it, until next year, when I shall 
 be of age and able to act for myself. I shall come in for a 
 little money then — about three hundred a year. It's not 
 much, I know, but we could manage to exist upon it, 
 couldn't we ? Oh, Milly, do say yes ! " 
 
 " Wherever is he driving us ? " she exclaimed, only too 
 glad to postpone her answer, if only for a few seconds. 
 "Why, this is Queen's Road, Bayswater ! It's miles out of 
 our way." 
 
 " You'll forgive me, won't you ? " said Bunny earnestly. 
 " I told him to drive us up here, in order to have more 
 time with you. I wanted to put off the dreadful parting as 
 long as possible. You're not angry with me, are you, 
 dearest ? " 
 
 " It was very wrong of you," she said wearily. " Do 
 please tell him to drive home at once — there's a good boy." 
 
 Bunny pushed up the little lid with his walking-stick 
 and shouted to the driver, who turned his horse's head 
 immediately. 
 
 " Do say yes, darling ! " he said coaxingly. 
 Milly was schooling herself to refusal, trying hard to keep 
 her companion's rabbit mouth — his objectionable feature — 
 in the foreground of her mind. But the image of Percy
 
 ALL FOOLS 93 
 
 kept pushing iis way to the front, with Harry Jones in 
 perspective, and his remembered insults rang in her ears. 
 She felt faint, and longed to be at home, to have a good 
 cry in her own little bedroom. 
 
 " Milly, dearest ! you will ruin my whole life if you 
 refuse ! " pleaded Bunny. 
 
 Suddenly a thought occurred to her. What a triumph it 
 would be to take Douglas home with her and introduce him 
 to Percy as her betrothed. The thought was unworthy of 
 her, she was aware at the time, but somehow it took 
 possession of her brain to the exclusion of every worthier 
 thought. 
 
 " Don't make me wretched for life ! " whispered Bunny 
 passionately. " Let me take care of you^ and protect you, 
 and love you for ever ! " 
 
 Almost unconsciously her lips whispered assent ; and, 
 the next moment she was hugged close to Bunny's manly 
 bosom, and ran some risk of being smothered with kisses.
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 CONTAINING SOME ACCOUNT OF THE MEETING OF AN 
 AUGUST ASSEMBLY, WITH CURIOUS INFORMATION CON- 
 CERNING ITS RULES, AND THE CONFUSION INTO WHICH 
 IT WAS THROWN BY THE ENTRANCE OF MR. LEE- 
 STRETTON. 
 
 Thanks to the reverent efforts of the maid-of-all-work, the 
 dining-room of the Httle house in St. Christopher Avenue 
 looked wonderfully neat and comfortable, that memorable 
 Saturday evening. Percy surveyed it with approval, as he 
 stood before the fire-place awaiting the arrival of his guests 
 and colleagues. The highly-polished surface of a mahogany 
 sideboard gleamed in the gaslight, and the mirror above 
 reflected, with lively realism, the images of a dozen bottles 
 of beer, divers tumblers, and a biscuit tin. Unsullied white 
 curtains veiled the recess of the bov/-window, and the little 
 writing-table in the corner was a picture of neatness and 
 order. 
 
 Percy glanced up at an engraving which hung above the 
 mantelpiece. It represented the death of Nelson, and the 
 Prime Minister intended to refer to it in his speech that 
 evening with patriotic effect. An extra leaf had been added 
 to the dining-table for the occasion. Every arm-chair in 
 the house had been brought into requisition, and the sofa 
 had been dragged forward to supplement the accommoda- 
 tion. Still four or five of the members would have to put 
 up with the comparative discomfort of ordinary, straight- 
 backed chairs, and Percy's mind was troubled to apportion 
 
 94
 
 ALL FOOLS 95 
 
 the various seats, in order of comfort, without causing ill- 
 feehng among his friends. 
 
 " Members of the government take precedence of course," 
 he mused aloud, with puckered brow. " As Prime Minister, 
 I sit in mother's big invahd chair, and the Foreign Secretary 
 will have the wicker one on my right, the Home Secretary 
 on my left, and so forth. The whips can sit together on 
 the sofa. Teddy Hunt's an easy-going little chap. He 
 won't mind having a common chair ; and of course the new 
 members must take what's given them, whether they like it 
 or not." 
 
 A knock at the front door put an abrupt end to his 
 reverie. 
 
 " I wish Jane had put the beer on the table in the 
 window, behind the curtain ! " he muttered. " I hate any- 
 thing like ostentation. However, it can't be helped now." 
 
 The first arrival was Harry Jones, the Right Honourable 
 Minister for Foreign Affairs, Percy's dearest friend. He 
 was decked o'jt for the occasion in a frock-coat, a fawn 
 waistcoat with dark-blue spots, trousers of a garish pattern, 
 and a pink carnation at his button-hole. His hair, of a pale 
 mud-colour, parted accurately in the middle, was smug and 
 sleek from a liberal use of pomatum, and his moustache, a 
 matter of a few irresponsible hairs, had been twisted to a 
 bristle on either cheek. In one hand he held a golf cap — 
 a head-dress, which assorted ill with the frock-coat and 
 fawn waistcoat ; in the other he carried a bunch of narcissus, 
 whose fragrance, struggling and finally blending with the 
 atmosphere of cheap scent, in which Mr. Jones moved, 
 was truly overpowering. His small grey eyes looked out 
 sheepishly from under their sandy brows. His mouth was 
 coarse, and the turn of the lips suggested an African negro. 
 
 "Well, 'ow goes it, Perce, old man?" he ejaculated, lay- 
 ing the bunch of narcissus upon the table, and holding out 
 a fat hand to be shaken. " I ventured to bring round
 
 96 ALL FOOLS 
 
 these few blossoms, 'opin' that Miss Milly might do me the 
 favour of acceptin' 'em." 
 
 Percy shook the proffered hand cordially. 
 
 " She hasn't come home yet," he said. " But I'll tell the 
 slavey to give her your present the minute she arrives. It's 
 awfully good of you, old man, especially after the way she's 
 treated you. I'm afraid she isn't worthy of you." 
 
 " No, don't say that ! " Mr. Jones protested. " But you 
 might let 'er know — accidentally, as it were — that there's 
 lots of girls I could 'ave for the askin' ; but that I'd rather 
 'ave 'er — yes, if I 'ad to wait two years for 'er — than any one 
 of 'em." 
 
 " I will, dear boy, I will ! " said Percy fervently, slapping 
 his chum on the back. " You're a regular brick, Harry, if 
 ever there was one ! I'll ring for the slavey, and tell her to 
 give the flowers to Mil, as soon as ever she comes in." 
 
 " Well, Perce, I 'ave an idea, and if it's too bold and 
 presumin', tell me so, dear boy ! " murmured Harry Jones, 
 with heightened colour. " Would you very much mind my 
 tellin' the slavey to put these blossoms in a vauze on Miss 
 Woodward's dressin'-table ? " 
 
 " I'd like them to be in 'er bedroom," he continued, with 
 a genuine blush — '* that shrine of innocence and bower of 
 bliss, as I call it in my 'eart. If my desires are too bold, 
 dear boy, tell me so ! " 
 
 " Ah, you're a sad dog, Harry ! " said Percy, giving his 
 companion a friendly dig in the waistcoat. *' If it was any- 
 body else, I'd kill him for asking what you've asked. But, 
 as it's you, dear boy, knowing you for a man of honour, and 
 hoping one day to call you brother-in-law, I'll just ring the 
 bell for the slavey, and you shall give the directions your- 
 self." 
 
 Then there came a loud double knock at the front door, and, 
 a minute later, three more of the members entered the dining 
 room. Harry Jones snatched up the flowers and rushed
 
 ALL FOOLS 97 
 
 out into the passage, whence, afier a whispered colloquy 
 with the maid-of-all-work, he reappeared, blushing and 
 empty-handed. 
 
 After that, knocks at the front door came thick and 
 fast, and the bell was in constant agitation ; until, by a 
 quarter past eight, the tale of the members — fourteen in 
 all — was complete. They were chiefly junior clerks from 
 small branch banks in the neighbourhood, but there were 
 also an articled clerk from the office of a local solicitor, a 
 shopwalker — the most gentlemanlike man in company — 
 and two nondescript youths of sporting proclivities, who 
 went by the names of Elf and Bert respectively. (Elf is, 
 as everyone knows, the abbreviated form of Elfrid, which is 
 the polite way of pronouncing the common name, Alfred.) 
 Harry Jones, esquire, was, in every-day life, a commercial 
 traveller in the bedstead line, enjoying private means to the 
 amount of one hundred pounds per annum, in addition to 
 his salary. 
 
 When, with some trouble but without any serious bicker- 
 ing, the various seats had been allotted, Percy opened the 
 proceedings with a short speech, in the course of which he 
 touched upon every topic of public interest — capital and 
 labour, the strike of the moment, the latest murder, the 
 situation in Europe, Asia, Africa, and America — ending up 
 with an apt quotation from a comic song then in vogue. 
 The conclusion of this harangue was hailed with loud cheers 
 and a mighty thumping of fists upon the table. Cries of 
 " Hear, hear ! " came from all sides, until one of the 
 sportive youths — Elf, to be particular — took advantage of a 
 moment's lull to vociferate "Beer, beer!" at once a 
 humorous sally and a delicate hint to their host that 
 the company would not refuse the offer of a little light 
 refreshment. 
 
 Percy adjourned to the sideboard, Harry Jones following 
 as assistant ; and, after a brief interval of the popping of 
 
 G
 
 98 ALL FOOLS 
 
 corks and the buzz of general conversationj each member 
 had a glass of the frothing beverage before him. Then, the 
 Prime Minister and his henchman returned to their arm- 
 chairs. 
 
 " Here's luck tc you, old man ! " said Elf, standing up 
 and raising his glass to his lips in Percy's honour. 
 
 " Order, order ! " cried Harry Jones severely. " No 
 unparliamentary language, if — you — please ! " 
 
 "Then, here's to the very good health of the Right 
 Honourable the Prime Minister ! " said Bert; rising to his 
 friend's rescue. 
 
 Percy rose in his turn, and lifted his glass. 
 
 " I thank you all," he said, " for the kind sentiments 
 towards me, which my honourable friend, Mr. Bert, has ex- 
 pressed in such flattering terms. My feelings, gentlemen, 
 upon this occasion, are more than I can express " — cries of 
 " No, no ! " — "yes, I repeat it " — looking round with moist 
 eyes — " more than I can express. I am proud to receive 
 the assurance of your esteem. I deem it no small honour 
 to be thus esteemed by the fourteen honourable English 
 gentlemen I have the pleasure to see before me. English 
 gentlemen ! What memories the words call up ! Memories, 
 I think I may say, of the glorious Past — England's glorious 
 Past ! What was Shakespeare ? An English gentleman. 
 What was Marlborough ? An English gentleman. What 
 was Pitt? An English gentleman. What was the dying 
 hero " — he struck the table a sounding blow with his fist — 
 " whose portrait you may see above yon mantel-shelf — if 
 you will kindly turn your eyes that way ? What was the 
 valiant hero of Trafalgar, I ask ? — the great, the glorious 
 Nelson, expiring on board the Victory^ with the words 
 ' England expects ' upon his lips ? What was he, I ask 
 you ? An English gi-ntleman ! " (Deafening cheers, and 
 much thumping of glasses upon the table.) " English 
 gentlemen, I am proud of your esteem. I thank you all,
 
 ALL FOOLS 99 
 
 and venture to quaflf this foaming bowl — if I may be 
 allowed the expression — to your very good healths." 
 
 When the applause, which greeted the end of this speech, 
 had somewhat subsided, the Minister for Foreign Affairs 
 stood up, and proceeded to give an account of his policy 
 during the j^ast week. 
 
 " Gentlemen," he began, " 'Er Majesty's Government's 
 been much annoyed lately by the conduct of a certain 
 nation in Africa, 'oom it is my solemn duty to declare to be 
 nothin' better than a lot of bloomin' scoundrels " — cries of 
 " Order, order ! " — " though, of course, I name no names 
 (" No, no ! "). " Also, there's been trouble on the Continent, 
 owin' to the be'aviour of a certain Eastern potentate, 'oo, I 
 feel it my duty to say, 'as not be'aved at all 'andsomely." 
 (Cries of" What can you expect?" and " Keep your 'air on.") 
 "Also, a certain nation across the Atlantic — I name no 
 names — would be lots better if someone 'd make 'em see a 
 few stars and feel a few stripes " — 
 
 At this point a violent uproar arose, compelling Mr. 
 Jones to resume his seat. Half of the members cried 
 " Shame ! " and the other half raised their voices in the 
 cause of order. The Prime Minister stood up and, with an 
 appealing glance, called for silence. Then a little man, 
 at the far end of the table, rose and stated that, having a 
 cousin in America, he was not going to sit still and listen to 
 that sort of thing, not from anybody, he didn't care who. 
 
 " But the Right Honourable gentleman said most 
 emphatically that he named no names," pleaded Percy, in 
 great distress. 
 
 The little man insisted : 
 
 " Ke talked about the stars and stripes, and if that isn't 
 nam in' names, I should like to know what is ! " 
 
 The opinion of the meeting was divided, and, as each 
 member thought fit to support his own views with the full 
 force of his lungs, a boisterous scene ensued. Percy was
 
 100 ALL FOOLS 
 
 in despair. All the bonds of syPxipathy and friendship drew 
 him to take part with the Foreign Secretary. But he was 
 also Premier of that august assembly, and therefore bound 
 to see fair play between the disputants. 
 
 '■ We'll put it to the vote," he cried, at length ; " we'll 
 have a ballot." 
 
 He hastened to provide a slip of paper for each member, 
 to be filled up " aye " or " no " according to the voter's 
 private judgement. He then took Harry Jones' golf-cap 
 from the sideboard and gathered in the papers, his own last 
 of all. 
 
 There was dead silence in the room while the votes were 
 being counted. Then Percy rose with a puzzled expression 
 of face. 
 
 " It's a draw," he announced, " so we must consider both 
 parties in the right." 
 
 But neither the Foreign Secretary nor the little man who 
 had a cousin in America were content with this decision. 
 
 "We must 'ave in some impartial person to give a casting 
 vote," said Harry Jones. 
 
 " I'm agreeable," replied the little man defiantly, strong 
 in the justice of his cause. " I'll abide by the decision."' 
 
 " I'll ring for the slavey," said Percy, greatly relieved. 
 " She's impartial enough, in all conscience." 
 
 ** Rule ! " cried Elf suddenly, reiilenishing his glass on 
 his own responsibility. 
 
 " Rule ! " echoed Bert, and the cry was taken up all 
 round the table. 
 
 " What do you mean by callin' out rule ? '' roared Harry 
 Jones. " I'll rule you." 
 
 Elf started to his feet. 
 
 "I beg to call the attention of the Right Honourable 
 Prime Minister to Rule 55 of the Society upon the subject 
 of arbitration," he said, and sat down again as suddenly as 
 he had risen.
 
 ALL FOOLS I 01 
 
 " Oh, blow rules ! ' bellowed the Foreign Secretary. 
 " Ring the bell, Perce, the slavey '11 do first-rate." 
 
 Elf passed up a manuscript copy of the Society's regula- 
 tions for the Prime Minister to read, and the uproar broke 
 out afresh. 
 
 After a brief study of the document, Percy rose and 
 enjoined silence. The clamour sinking to a few stray 
 murmurs, he was able to make himself heard. 
 
 " Gentlemen," he began, " it is with the deepest grief and 
 — may I add — consternation, that I have witnessed this 
 disorderly scene. If my right honourable friend and 
 colleague did, in a moment of heat, make use of expressions 
 — or, shall I say, flowers of speech" (Cries of "No, no," 
 and ' Hear, hear,') — which gave offence to an honourable 
 gentleman here present, I am sure that no offence was 
 intended, and that my right honourable friend will be most 
 wiUing to withdraw those expressions." 
 
 " No, he won't," broke in Harry Jones. " Stow it, 
 Perce, and ring for the slavey." 
 
 " As my right honourable friend is obdurate," pursued 
 the Premier, his ardour somewhat damped by the interrup- 
 tion, "I shall proceed to read to you Rule 55 of this 
 Society, to which my honourable friend has had the goodness 
 to call my attention." 
 
 (Loud cries of " Hear, hear," from the sofa where Elf 
 and Bert were seated.) 
 
 Percy took up the manuscript and read : 
 
 " In case of a difference of opinion between gents of the 
 Society, the matter shall be put to the ballot. If, in the 
 ballot, an equal number of votes be recorded on both sides, 
 the Society thinks it best, under the circs., to submit the 
 question to arbitration. (Hear, hear.) In such a case, 
 the youngest gent in the company shall leave the house and 
 pass into the streets. He shall accost the first man — be he
 
 102 ALL FOOLS 
 
 beggar or prince — whom he meets, and shall request him 
 courteously to act as referee in the dispute. The first man 
 who complies with the request shall be considered as arbi- 
 trator, and gents will kindly accept his decision as 
 absolutely final. The person of the referee shall be sacred. 
 Any violence offered to him will be punished by the 
 expulsion from the Society of the gent or gents concerned 
 in the assault. 
 
 " By order, 
 
 " Percy Woodward, 
 " Harry Jones." 
 
 The Prime Minister sat down amid thunderous applause. 
 
 " It's our own rule, Harry," he whispered in his neigh- 
 bour's ear, " we can't very well go against it." 
 
 After some discussion, Elf, as the youngest member 
 present, was sent out into the street to seek a referee, 
 and there was a general filling and lighting of pipes 
 throughout the assembly. Every man settled down com- 
 fortably in his chair, anticipating what is vulgarly called a 
 "lark." 
 
 A few minutes later there came a rattling at the letter- 
 box, and the door was opened by a member stationed in the 
 passage for that purpose. 
 
 " There's three of 'em," said Bert, in a stage whisper, as 
 he peeped into the hall. " Suppose the two referees take 
 different sides, what then — eh, Perce ? " 
 
 The Prime Minister had no time to consider this 
 harassing possibility before Elf made his appearance, 
 ushering in two men — foreigners, to judge by their hair, 
 which was long and unkempt, suggesting music. 
 
 " I beg to call the attention of Parliament to two German 
 gentlemen — Mr. Weissmann and Mr. Fritz," said the 
 youngest member, with an introductory wave of his hand 
 towards the strangers.
 
 ALL FOOLS 103 
 
 " Hear, hear ! " cried Bert enthusiastically. 
 
 Rising i'rom their arm-chairs, the Prime Minister and 
 Hairy Jones begg.:d the foreigners to be seated. Percy 
 was preparing to lay the situation before them in a few well- 
 chosen wurds he always prided hiii:self upon his choice of 
 words — -when the shop-walker, who had not spoken hitherto, 
 rose suddenly, protecting lliat the rule allowed of but one 
 arbitrator. He begged to suggest that the introduction of 
 a second was a dastarcly blow at the constitution of thi ir 
 great and glorious country, and at the most cherished 
 liberties of every British subject. 
 
 This speech provoking loud applause, the Prime Minister 
 was about to ask one of the strangers to withdraw, when the 
 stouter of the two rose from his chair. 
 
 " Do not trouble yourselfs, I be^^," he said. "Fritz and I 
 have only one mind between de two. Nicht wahr, 
 Fritz?" 
 
 Fritz grinned, and his friend continued : 
 
 " If some gentleman vill be so kind to explain vat is de 
 matter, I vill kvickly decide." 
 
 Percy vras beginning to expound the state of the case in 
 his best oratorical manner, but he was interrupted by cries 
 of " Chuck it, Perce ! " " Stow poetry, dear boy ! " and the 
 like. The meeting again bade fair to become uproarious. 
 
 It was in the midst of this din, when Percy was standing 
 on the hearth-rug, his hands raised in entreaty, calling dis- 
 tractedly for silence, that the door opened and his sister 
 entered, followed by a young dandy of the type which the 
 Prime Minister most abhorred. He stood, as it were, 
 frozen to the floor, his eyes starting from his head, his hair 
 bristling with dismay, like one who sees a ghost or other 
 gruesome sight. The eyes of the other members followed 
 his, and dead silence fell upon the meeting. 
 
 Milly's face was expressive of intense disgust. Her 
 pretty nose sniffed disdainfully as it encountered the
 
 1C4 ALL FOOLS 
 
 mingled fumes of beer and tobacco. Poor Bunny, her 
 companion, was greatly disconcerted. The sudden change 
 from the quiet street, love, and undiluted Milly to this 
 crowded room, with its pungent atmosphere, had robbed 
 him of all presence of mind. His betrothed, though 
 scarcely less surprised than he at the scene before them, 
 was happily in full command of her faculties. 
 
 " I wish you and your friends would have the goodness 
 to remember that this is not a public-house, Percy," she 
 said haughtily. "You are frightening the whole street with 
 your shouting and noise. It's disgraceful ! " 
 
 All the members hung their heads and seemed abashed, 
 especially Harry Jones, the Right Honourable Minister for 
 Foreign Affairs. 
 
 " I shall tell Jane to light the gas in the drawing-room," 
 she continued; "and I want you to come up in a few 
 minutes, Percy. I wish you to make the acquaintance of 
 vi\y fiance, Mr. Lee-Stretton." 
 
 " Y OUT fiance ?^^ gasped Percy, with vacant eyes. 
 
 " She's engaged to another ! Oh, faithless fair ! Let 
 nie get at him ! " shrieked Harry Jones ; and, slipping off 
 his coat, he made a rush for Bunny. 
 
 But Elf and Bert, with laudable presence of mind, flung 
 themselves upon him and held him fast, stroking him 
 soothingly and emitting a hissing sound from between their 
 closed teeth, as if the Foreign Secretary had been a restive 
 horse, and they his grooms. 
 
 Percy, having recovered from the first shock of his sur- 
 prise, and finding no reasonable cause of quarrel with Mr. 
 Lee-Stretton, stepped forward to shake the hand of his 
 future brother-in-law. 
 
 But Bunny gave no heed to his friendly advances. 
 Glancing round the room, his eyes had encountered the 
 faces of the two Germans, and all his old suspicions of 
 MiUicent revived, 'i'hc thieves, for their part, had also
 
 ALL FOOLS lOS 
 
 recognised their former victim, and their faces were ashy 
 with terror. 
 
 " Look ! " he whispered, clutching at his fair companion's 
 arm. " There they are !— the Germans ! — who robbed me, 
 you know ! " 
 
 MiUicent took in the position at a glance. Her face 
 aglow with shame and anger, she turned to Percy. 
 
 " What are those persons doing here ? " she asked, 
 pointing to the foreigners, who were doing their best to 
 slip under the table. 
 
 "They are the referees, Mil," said Percy, assuming an 
 air of importance. " See Rule 55 ! " 
 
 " Nonsense ! " she exclaimed fiercely. " They are robbers. 
 They robbed Mr. Lee-Stretton only the night before last. 
 Lock and guard the door, while I go for a policeman." 
 
 "Rule! Rule!" cried Harry Jones, still struggling, 
 coatless, in the grasp of his captors, with a vindictive glance 
 at his rival. " Remember what the rule says ! No violence 
 to the referee ! I'm jolly glad they did rob him. Well 
 done they, say I ! " 
 
 " Hear, hear ! Rule ! " came from all parts of the room. 
 
 The Germans reappeared from under the table, and, by 
 pathetic gestures, commended themselves to the protection 
 of the company. 
 
 " Oh, bother your rules ! " cried Milly, her eyes flashing 
 with indignation, so that Harry Jones cowered under the 
 look she gave him. " This is a question of the laws of 
 England, and you quote your miserable rule ! " 
 
 " Shame ! A free passage for the referees ! " cried Harry 
 Jones, relieved for a moment from the onus of her glance. 
 " Never fear, you foreign chaps ! I'll see you safe home, 
 and give you supper into the bargain. " 
 
 Milly stamped her foot, and angry tears filled her eyes. 
 
 " I say, you know," Bunny whispered in her ear, "we've 
 done our best. It's no use making a row."
 
 I06 ALL FOOLS 
 
 " How silly men are ! " she said, clenching her little fists. 
 " All this Debating Society is only play and make-believe. 
 And yet they set up their twopenny-halfpenny rule against 
 justice and everything else. I declare they are going to 
 escort those villains to the front door, and Mr. Jones is 
 shaking hands with them. It's too much. Let's come 
 upstairs to the drawing-room. I can't bear to see such 
 folly ! " 
 
 She hurried from the room, Bunny following, to avoid 
 seeing the actual escape of the criminals so nearly captured. 
 
 " It's a shame and a disgrace," she said, when Percy, 
 having prorogued Parliament, joined the loving couple in 
 the drawing-room. 
 
 " I'm sorry that it should have occurred to-night of all 
 nights in the year," said the Prime Minister apologetically. 
 " It will give Mr. Lee-Stretton a bad impression of his new 
 relations-in-law, I fear. But, you know, sir," he added, 
 turning to Bunny, " rules must be enforced, and strictly, 
 too, or where's the good of having them at all ? " 
 
 "Certainly," said Bunny, temporising. "But, I say, 
 don't you think it was going a bit too far to let those 
 scoundrels off? I had an awfully bad time of it all through 
 them. They took a diamond ring of mine, and all my 
 clotheS; and gave me some beastly rags in exchange." 
 
 " A diamond ring, did you say ? " asked Percy, with 
 wide-ojien eyes. " By gum, though, that's bad ! I had no 
 idea the affair was so serious, or I should have had them 
 arrested, rule or no rule ! " 
 
 Millicent's betrothed went up many degrees in his 
 estimation. Here was a man more desirable even than 
 Harry Jones. He thought how he would boast to his 
 colleagues at the bank of " my brother-in-law that is to be — 
 a man w'lo can afford to lose a valuable diamond ring, and 
 think no more of it than you or I would of losing sixpence, 
 and such a dashing chap, too ! " His heart warmed at the
 
 ALL FOOLS 107 
 
 thought, and he did his utmost to make himself agreeable 
 to Mr. Lee-Stretton during the rest of that young gentle- 
 man's visit — an attention far from welcome to the recipient, 
 who would rather have been left alone with his beloved 
 Milly.
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 IN WHICH MR. BLACICSTONE SHOWS A TASTE FOR LOW 
 COMEDY AND A HANKERING AFTER MISS WOODWARD, 
 WHICH CAUSE MR. LEE-STRETTON MUCH UNEASINESS. 
 
 It has been remarked that youth is a fever, and assuredly 
 the delirium of first love may be regarded as the crisis or 
 turning-point of the malady for better or worse. But, even 
 when his temperature is highest, the patient is sometimes 
 vouchsafed a lucid interval, when, for a brief space, he 
 reviews his behaviour in the pitiless light of common sense. 
 At such a time he is apt to smite his breast, crying, 
 " What a fool I have been ! What an ass I have made of 
 myself ! " This is the season of good resolutions, when the 
 sufferer vows to keep close watch over himself in future, to 
 avoid this or that pitfall, to keep his susceptibility well in 
 hand. He thinks of writing to bid farewell to the cause of all 
 his woe — a tender note breathing soft melancholy and 
 regret from every line. Yet the touch of her hand and the 
 subtle perfume of her thick-coiled hair were passing sweet 
 that night under the stars. He cannot part with her thus 
 lightly, and he straightway lapses once more into sweet 
 delirium, leaving common sense, the marplot, to the tender 
 mercies of oblivion. 
 
 Six days after the events related in the last chapter 
 Bunny was enduring one of these lucid intervals. It was a 
 Friday afternoon, dull and rainy. Pleading a bad headache, 
 he had escaped early from the class-room, and was sitting, 
 pipe in mouth, at his bedroom window, looking out over 
 
 io8
 
 ALL FOOLS 109 
 
 the wet roofs. Never had the outlook seemed so dreary ; 
 never had he been so despondent. He had seen his 
 enchantress four times since the memorable Saturday of 
 their engagement. He had been' introduced to her mother, 
 who had received him graciously. Millicent was un- 
 doubtedly the sweetest girl in all the world. He was madly 
 in love with her ; but there was one drawback. 
 
 Bunny would have liked to write and tell his mother of 
 the engagement. She would like Millicent, he felt sure. 
 But then she and his father would come up to London to 
 call on the Woodwards, and the vulgarity of that brother of 
 hers would be sure to disgust them with the whole family. 
 He dared not run the risk. 
 
 It was very disheartening. His eyes fixed themselves 
 upon the chimney-stack of the house opposite, seen dimly 
 athwart the rain. But the constant downpour had given a 
 tear-stained expression to the sooty chimney-pots, and there 
 was small consolation to be found in that quarter. 
 
 " I'll explain it all to her to-morrow," he thought, "and 
 ask her to kec-p her engagement a secret until I'm of age. 
 Her brother may die before then, or a thousand things may 
 happen ! " 
 
 At this point in his musing, the door opened and Black- 
 stone entered the room. 
 
 " Well, youngster, how's the headache ? " he asked, 
 taking his seat upon the bed. 
 
 " Oh, it's still rather bad, you know ! " murmured the 
 invalid. 
 
 " Headache or no headache, you're a lucky dog ! " said 
 Blackstone, taking a pipe from his pocket. " I shouldn't 
 mind being in your shoes ! " 
 
 Bunny seemed relieved. He rose and leaned against 
 the iron railing at the foot of the bed. 
 
 " She is a nice girl, isn't she ? " he said. " I say, Black- 
 s ne, she's quite presentable, you know. My people
 
 no ALL FOOLS 
 
 couldn't possibly object to her, could they ? She's a 
 perfect lady ! " 
 
 " You needn't tell them about it till you're safely fixed 
 up in the matrimonial line," was the reply. " They'll kick 
 up a hit of a shindy at first, of course. You must expect 
 that. But they'll get over it." 
 
 " But I say, I've been thinking a lot about that brother 
 of hers. He's an awful bounder ! It'll be bad enough for 
 me to have a chap like that for a brother-in-law ; but my 
 peopl'j will object to him pretty strongly, you know ! 
 
 " Ah, pretty girls are apt to have brothers," said Black- 
 stone drily. " It's an awful nuisance, but it's not altogether 
 the girl's fault, if you come to think of it." 
 
 There was silence between them for some minules. 
 
 "What are you going to do about those Germans?" 
 Blackstone asked at length. " We might get some fun out 
 of them — wring their necks, or something of that sort. I'm 
 willing to help." 
 
 " I don't see that we can do anything," said Bunny 
 thoughtfully. " I told the police all I knew about them, 
 but they didn't seem to believe me." 
 
 " Oh, hang the police," said Blackstone, " I vote we do 
 it by ourselves. We might dress Geegee up as an old woman 
 or a slavey, or something of that sort, and let him hang 
 about their neighbourhood." 
 
 " But I say, you know," Bunny protested, " I can't see 
 that you need have any comic business at all. Geegee's 
 dead sure to make an ass of himself." 
 
 " You know nothing whatever about it, youngster. I 
 tell you that somebody must disguise himself, if you mean 
 to catch these chaps, and why not Geegee ? It's always 
 done. Go out into the street and ask the first bobby you 
 come across, if you don't believe me." 
 
 Bunny strode restlessly up and down the room, in great 
 perturbation of spirit.
 
 ALL FOOLS III 
 
 " We shall get in an awful row if we're found out," he 
 murmured. '' A fellov; got penal servitude only the other 
 day for taking the law into his own hands." 
 
 "We sha'n't be found out," said Blackstone ; "and, if 
 we are, I'll take all the blame upon myself." 
 
 "Very well, then, I leave it all to you," said Bunny, 
 with a gesture of impatience ; '' but I don't see why you 
 should be so keen on it." 
 
 " I'll go and fetch Geegee,"said Blackstone, rising, "and 
 we'll hold a council of war." 
 
 " But why have Ge.gee in it at all?" cried Bunny. " He's 
 mad, and can be of no earthly use. He's sure to make an 
 ass of himself." 
 
 His protest was wasted upon the empty twilight of the 
 bedroom, for Blackstone, with his usual impetuosity, was 
 already thundering down the stairs. Although he regarded 
 the militianian, in the abstract, as the best of good fellows, 
 a concrete Blackstone, taking over the direction of his 
 (Bunny's) affairs, was hardly to his liking. And besides, 
 there was Milly. Blackstone, hanging about Hammersmith 
 in quest of the Germans, might find or make many oppor- 
 tunities for meeting and speaking with Miss Woodward. 
 If only he could be persuaded to disguise himself, as well 
 as Brown Geegee, all would be well. But alas, there was 
 no hope of any such thing. 
 
 Bunny's musings were cut short by the reappearance of 
 Blackstone, v^'ho pushed Brown Geegee before him into 
 the room. 
 
 " Sit down on the floor, Geegee, old chap. Make your- 
 self at home, you heathen idol," he said, forcing his victim 
 to comply. " Nt>w, Bunny, light a candle. We can't 
 discuss the question properly in the dark. Now, the first 
 thing to be done," he continued, " is to find out where 
 these Germans live. You couldn't find the house again, 
 I suppose — eh, young 'un?"
 
 112 ALL FOOLS 
 
 •' I'm afraid not; but, I say, why not try the restaurant?" 
 
 " Because they'll give that particular spot a wide berth, 
 after their narrow escape of last Saturday. How they 
 must bless that Debating Society." 
 
 " But we can do nothing, you know ! " exclaimed Bunny. 
 
 " You're wrong," said Blackstone, puffing away at his pipe. 
 " We'll have 'em yet, won't we, Geegee ? " 
 
 " Rather ! " said Geegee, with gleaming teeth and eyes 
 twinkling with cunning. It was the first time, for many 
 days, that Blackstone had spoken to him as an equal. 
 " We will catch them very soon, and then — " Brown 
 Geegee threw back his head, drew his hand significantly 
 across his throat, rolled his eyes, and grinned more horribly 
 than ever. 
 
 "No, Geegee, old boy ; not quite so bad as that ! " said 
 Blackstone, regarding the antics of the coloured gentleman, 
 much as a trainer might watch the tricks of his performing 
 monkey. " But we'll make them sing small. You must 
 help me to find them, and I'll see to the thrashing." 
 
 " Blackstone, you are my very good friend," said the 
 coloured gentleman, and his face puckered into a per- 
 fectly fiendish expression of benevolence. " I will find the 
 black-satan villains, and I will help you to slay them. 
 Now, please, let me return to my studies." 
 
 " Sit still a bit, Geegee. I haven't quite done with you 
 yet." 
 
 " To begin with," pursued Blackstone, fixing his eyes 
 upon Bunny's bewildered face, " I must have an interview 
 with Miss Woodward." 
 
 " But I say, you know ! " cried Bunny. " Surely, that 
 won't be necessary ! I can't allow it, Blackstone ! It's not 
 proper ! It's unfair to the girl ! It's — " 
 
 " You needn't lose your temper over it," said Blackstone, 
 with a chuckle. " You can be there, all tlie time. Only 
 I must find out what she knows about the Germans."
 
 ALL FOOLS 113 
 
 " She knows nothing whatever about them," said Bunnj' 
 hastily. " She has only seen them once or twice at the 
 Italian restaurant I told you of." 
 
 " That's just it ; I want her to lind out from the people 
 at tlie restaurant where it is that these Germans hve. 
 They'd be less likely to smell a rat if she asked, than if 
 one of us were to go making inquiries." 
 
 " Oh, I'll ask her to do that, if you like. That's quite 
 easy." 
 
 " What a jealous chap you are," said Blackstone, sitting 
 up. " What harm could it do you if I were to ask the girl 
 a few questions in your presence ? " 
 
 " Oh, of course not, I didn't understand ! " murmured 
 Bunny, confused and a little ashamed. " I'm going to 
 meet her to-morrow. You can com,' to lunch, if you like ! " 
 
 No sooner were the words out of his mouth than he wished 
 them back again. He would have given pounds to recall 
 the invitation ; but Blackst'ine's prompt acceptance gave 
 him no time to invent a;i excuse. 
 
 .. "I think I shall come too," said Brown Geegee com- 
 placently, from his seat upon the floor. 
 
 " No, no, hang it all, it's too much ! " exclaimed Bunny 
 angrily. " I don't mind you, Blackstone, ■ just for this 
 once; but I'm blowed if I'm going to have Geegee." 
 
 " He might be rather useful," said Blackstone, stroking 
 his moustache thoughtfully. " But, of course, if you don't 
 want him, there's an end of the matter. It's your lunch, 
 you know ! " 
 
 " Bunny is not at all a polite man," said the coloured 
 gentleman, in an injured tone. " If he had a bit of grati- 
 tude in his body, he would say to himself: ' I will not for- 
 get the friendly fellow, who saved me so heroically from the 
 deadly-satan police magistrate. I will ask the friendly 
 fellow to join me at lunch. I will introduce him to my 
 lady-friend.' But there is no politeness in him." 
 
 H
 
 114 ALL FOOLS 
 
 Bunny paused in his agitated prowl, to slap the shoulder 
 of his dusky friend apologetically. 
 
 " Look here, Geegee, old chap," he said. " I didn't 
 mean to hurt your feelings. But, you see, I'm awfully gone 
 on Miss Woodward, and I want to be alone with her as 
 much as possible. You wouldn't like it, you know, if I 
 were to stroll into your harem over in India, just when you 
 were having a chat with your favourite wife. You'd get in 
 a rage, and kick up an awful shindy. I feel the same way 
 about Miss Woodward. You understand, don't you, old 
 chap ? " 
 
 " Yes, I understand," said Brown Geegee, with a frightful 
 leer, " But I ask you to remember that I am your 
 honourable friend. Moreover, I would not, on any account, 
 flirt with the lovely lady." 
 
 " Shut up, Geegee," said Blackstone. " Bunny has made 
 up his mind not to have you to lunch, so there's an end of 
 it. After I've had a talk with Miss Woodward, I shall come 
 back here, and we'll set out together to catch these 
 Germans. You won't mind dressing up, will you, old 
 chap ? You'll make a lovely ayah, and we can get a big 
 doll for you to carry." 
 
 " No, I will not be a dirty-vulgar ayah-woman," screamed 
 Brown Geegee, with a formidable display of teeth. " I 
 will disguise myself as an English lord. I will wear a very 
 high collar, and my red tie and my long overcoat, and my 
 top-hat, and my boots of patent-leather. I will suck the 
 ivory handle of my cane, and I will say ' Haw, haw ! ' 
 when anybody speaks to me." 
 
 Rising suddenly from the bed; Blackstone dealt the 
 coloured gentleman a mighty blow on the chest, which, 
 squatting as he was, laid him sprawling on his back. 
 
 " It's a grand idea ! " he shouted. " We'll put a false 
 nose on you, Geegee, and you'll do splendidly." 
 
 " I will have no false noses," gasped the coU urtd gentle-
 
 ALL FOOLS 115 
 
 man, sitting up and passing his hand over his chest to make 
 sure that no bones were broken. " And, Blackstone, I ask 
 you to remember that, though you are my very good friend, 
 and I love you, even Uttle horrid filth-worms will turn, as 
 the English proverb expresses. Moreover, if you assault 
 me once again, I shall be very angry with you, and call for 
 the police." 
 
 '* I'm sorry, old chap," said Blackstone, causing his dusky 
 friend to writhe under a well-directed slap on the back. 
 " We'll say no more about false noses or ayahs. You shall 
 arrange your own disguise." 
 
 " Very good. I accept your apology with many thanks," 
 said Brown Geegee, his injured feelings somewhat assuaged. 
 " Now, with your permission, I will return to my own 
 apartment and resume my studies." 
 
 "All right, Geegee. Get along with you," said Black- 
 stone. 
 
 " Well, that's settled," he continued, when the coloured 
 gentleman had taken his polite leave. " I think I'll go 
 down now and talk to Sammy a bit. He likes me to ask 
 him questions about my exam. It makes him think I'm a 
 hard-working chap." 
 
 So Bunny was left alone once more. 
 
 It is a notorious fact that all true lovers are of a retiring 
 disposition. The shyness and diffidence of this particular 
 member of the species were a hackneyed subject of jest 
 among his intimates. And yet a careless Fate was spinning 
 the thread of his destiny so clumsily that it threatened to 
 become entangled with the threads of his neighbours. He 
 felt much like a man who has been kissing and hugging his 
 lady-love in a secluded place upon a common, the seashore, 
 or elsewhere, the bright eye of heaven his only witness, and 
 who is suddenly aware that there is a school-treat going on 
 close at hand, that his endearments are the subject of human, 
 or rather impish, ridicule and comment.
 
 Il6 ALL FOOLS 
 
 But Blackstone had promised to return home directly 
 after lunch — that was one consolation. He would thus 
 have all the afternoon and part of the evening alone with 
 his beloved, and he was resolved to say all that he could in 
 that lime to prejudice Milly's mind against the militiaman. 
 Blackstone's good name was not worth much, and it seemed 
 best to Bunny that his friend's character should be placed 
 before Millicent in its very worst light. 
 
 He was silent and absent-minded at dinner that night, 
 and he drank so copiously of the claret — ten and sixpence 
 a dozen, and the very best at the price — which Sammy or 
 his wife provided for the pupils' consumption, that the little 
 old tutor felt bound to lean across the table and warn him 
 against the dangers of "chronic alcohoUsm." And when, 
 at an hour somewhat earlier than usual, he betook himself 
 to bed, his wakeful thoughts conjured up all manner of dire 
 possibilities. But sleep lurked in ambush arnon j; the small 
 hours of the morning, and Bunny was at length taken a 
 prisoner into dreamland.
 
 1 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 IN WHICH MR. BLACKSTONE'S CHARACTER IS BRIEFLY 
 DISPLAYED, WITH THE ACCOUNT OF A LUNCHEON- 
 PARTY AND A TRIP TO KEW GARDENS. 
 
 Bunny's fears, though not ahogether groundless, were at 
 least disproportioned to the event. Blackstone in the 
 society of his fellow-pupils was a very different person to 
 Blackstone in the presence of a pretty and innocent girl. 
 Deprived of his mother at an early age, he had no sisters, 
 and his father — a red-faced, hard-riding baronet, who only 
 emerged from his country-seat for a few days at the time of 
 the Derby — had been for years past tabooed by the ladies 
 of his county because of his habit of swearing. 
 
 Arthur Blackstone had grown up to regard women as a 
 topic of conversation to alternate with horses and dogs. 
 During his three years at Harrow he heard much talk about 
 them, and committed to memory some two dozen choi<;e 
 anecdotes concerning the sex, which, in after years, gained 
 for him the name of an after-dinner wit among the officers 
 of his county militia. 
 
 Cast adrift among the dissipations of London, he would 
 certainly have gone straight to the dogs liad not the dogs 
 themselves intervened to save him. A bull-dog and a fox- 
 terrier had accompanied him on his first arrival at Sammy's, 
 and had taken up their abode in the class-room, to the 
 delight of the pupils and the annoyance of their instructors. 
 For three days the unwelcome guests were inmates of Mr. 
 Thompson's house. Then, a friendly publican having been 
 
 117
 
 Il8 ALL FOOLS 
 
 sounded upon the subject, they were removed to the backyard 
 of the Crown and Anchor Inn close by. During his first three 
 years as a crammer's pupil, the bull-dog and fox-terrier had 
 been his constant companions ; and somehow, between 
 them, they managed to steer him clear of the more degrad- 
 ing forms of vice. 
 
 Occasionally, it is true, he would break loose and go, to 
 use his own expression, "upon the bust." But he felt so 
 ashamed the next morning, that he dared not look the bull- 
 dog in the face, and his apologies to the little, bright-eyed 
 terrier were quite pathetic in their intensity. At such times 
 his memory would fly back to Harrow, and half-forgotten 
 precepts would flit through his brain — faint echoes of that 
 simplest, noblest preacher, whose voice, ringing like a 
 trumpet-call through the darkened chapel, had raised a 
 spark of Sir Galahad in the breast even of Arthur Black- 
 stone. At such times he was conscious of a vocation for 
 the Church. He would be a missionary, a martyr — some- 
 thing ecstatic ! But after breakfast, and divers copious 
 draughts of soda water, with perhaps the slenderest hair of 
 the dog that had so badly bitten him overnight, all idea of 
 the Church was at an end. He would work hard, pass his 
 exam., and then die, like the heroes of Rorke's Drift, 
 defending the colours of England. By lunch-time he had 
 become slightly tired of work, and Rorke's Drift had lost 
 some of its charms. By five o'clock he was the same 
 happy-go-lucky giant as ever, and the lapse of the previous 
 night was no longer a weight upon his conscience. Still, 
 thanks to the loving-kindness of the bull-dog and the fox- 
 terrier, he had no wish to repeat the experiment for many a 
 long day. 
 
 But there came a time when he was robbed of their 
 society. The muzzling order burst like a thunder-bolt upon 
 the canine world ; and Arthur Blackstone, whose love for 
 his pets was quite unselfish, after one or two bootless
 
 ALL FOOLS 119 
 
 arguments with policemen of the neighbourhood, tied a 
 label to the neck of each, and led them to Paddington 
 Station. There he confided them, whining and whimpering 
 most pitifully, to the charge of a burly guard, with orders to 
 hand them over to Sir Nicholas Blackstone's groom at the 
 station nearest to his father's country-seat. 
 
 " I suppose you don't happen to have such a thing as a 
 rat or a badger in the van?" he asked of the railway official, 
 in a tremulous voice. 
 
 " No, sir, that I haven't," said the guard, with a grin. 
 
 " Oh, it doesn't much matter," said Blackstone, gulping 
 down a lump in his throat and trying to look unconcerned. 
 " I only thought, if you did happen to have such a thing 
 about you, it'd amuse the little 'un on the way down. It'll 
 be a bit dull for them," he added apolegetically. "They 
 can't read newspapers, you see, or anything of that sort. 
 Perhaps you wouldn't mind letting the terrier worry your 
 hand now and then? It'd make the time pass quicker for 
 the poor little beggar. Good day." 
 
 " Good day and thank you, sir," said the guard, pocket- 
 ing a small gold coin with satisfaction. " I'll take good 
 care of 'em, sir, never fear ! Got a bull-terrier of my own 
 at 'onie, sir ! " 
 
 Blackstone strode away, with that ])itiful, whining protest 
 of his darlings ringing in his ears. From that time forth, 
 he was as a rudderless boat, drifting this way and that with 
 every light current of inclination. Sammy had frequent 
 occasion to lecture him upon the evils of "chronic alcohol- 
 ism," and women of a very low class began to attract 
 his notice. His most respectable acquaintance of the other 
 sex were culled from among barmaids and music-hall 
 performers of the coarsest type. 
 
 Millicent Woodward, with her dainty ways, her want of 
 affectation, and her kittenish love of fun for fun's sake, 
 came to him as a revelation. All his assurance forsook
 
 120 ALL FOOLS 
 
 him. He blushed when she spoke to him, stammering and 
 faltering in his answers, more hke a timid young novice 
 .than the man of the world he thought himself. 
 
 Bunny stared at him in astonishment. All his fears were 
 allayed. He did not even resent Milly's frequent and 
 kindly attempts to lure Blackstone into conversation, and 
 he began to adopt a patronising, half-pitying tone towards 
 his gigantic friend. 
 
 Had Bunny ever read his Old Testament — that hand- 
 book of worldly knowledge — with understanding, he would 
 have remembered that the mighty Samson was but as a 
 child in the hands of his Delilah. He would likewise have 
 perceived, by inference, that just thus must the Israehtish 
 hero have blushed and stammered when he first met the 
 soft eyes of his beloved among the olive-groves of the 
 valley of Sorek. But Bunny would sooner have thought of 
 associating mint sauce with ten-year-old mutton, than of 
 viewing a scene in the St. James's Restaurant, Piccadilly, in 
 the light of an old-world love-story. His mind worked in 
 the narrow groove of the immediate present, and the past 
 was a closed book to him, even as the future. Blackstone's 
 shyness, therefore, laid all his fears to rest. 
 
 But, when the coffee was on the table, and the militiaman 
 had as yet made no mention of the cause for which he had 
 come. Bunny, keenly desiring to be left alone with his 
 pretty neighbour, began to be seriously annoyed. 
 
 " I say, you know, Blackstone, old chap ! " he began, 
 "we can't stay here all day. You haven't said a word to 
 Miss Woodward about that business, you know." 
 
 " Oh — er — I forgot ! " Blackstone was more confused 
 than ever. " Well, you see. Miss Woodward, it's like this. 
 I v.'ant to ask you about those Germans. Geegee — that's 
 the heathen chap I was telling you about — Geegee and I 
 are going to catch them, and give them a thrashing; at 
 least, Geegee's going to do the detective part of the business
 
 ALL FOOLS 121 
 
 — he's a small chap, you know, and a foreigner, like them- 
 selves, so they won't suspect him — and I'm going to do the 
 thrashing." 
 
 " Yes ! " said Milly eagerly. " But how can I help ? " 
 
 "I don't quite know," muttered Blackstone. "I thought 
 you might be able to tell us of a likely place to find them — 
 that's all ! " 
 
 " There's the restaurant," she suggested. 
 
 " No, I don't think they'll go there again," said Black- 
 stone reflectively. "After their narrow escape this day 
 week they'll go to some ether cafe in the neighbourhood. 
 Could you manage to give me a list of all the foreign eating- 
 houses down your way ? " 
 
 "That's quite easy," said Millicent. " I'll ask Percy, and 
 I'll write and let you know." 
 
 " But, I say," put in Bunny, with a tremor of anxiety, 
 "wouldn't it be easier to send a message by me? " 
 
 "Ye — es," said Blackstone doubtfully. "Perhaps that 
 would be simpler. But you have such a bad memory, 
 youngster, that I'm afraid I shall have to ask Miss Wood- 
 ward to write down the names and addresses." 
 
 "Of course I will," said Milly. 
 
 " I say, Blackstone ! " Bunny exclaimed. " I don't wish 
 to be rude, you know But you promised Geegee to go 
 back 'directly after lunch, and it's half-past two already." 
 
 Blackstone muttered, "ConfounJ Geegee!" and directly 
 after begged Miss Woodward's pardon. He was not sure 
 whether "confound" was, or was not, a word fit for the 
 presence of ladies, but thought it best to apologise on the 
 chance of it. "I had no idea it was so late," he added, 
 pulling out his watch, " and I can see I'm not wanted any 
 longer." 
 
 "You mustn't say that," said Milly earnestly. " I'm sure 
 Douglas didn't mean to be unkind — especially now that you 
 are taking so much trouble on his account."
 
 122 ALL FOOLS 
 
 She cast a glance in Bunny's direction, which, added to 
 the feehng that he had made a fool of himself, quite 
 annihilated that all too sensitive youth, causing him to 
 blush profusely. 
 
 " I say, I didn't mean anything beastly, you know ! '' he 
 blurted. " Of course, I should — 1 mean, we should be 
 awfully glad if you could stay with us a bit. I was thinking 
 of poor old Geegee, you know ! " 
 
 "Good-bye, Miss Woodward," said Blackstone, rising. 
 " I must thank you for a very jolly time." 
 
 " Good-bye," she said, yielding him her hand. " I hope 
 we shall meet again some day soon." 
 
 Colouring with pleasure, Tilackstone put on his hat, and 
 passed out into the street. 
 
 "He's a queer chap," said Bunny, when a minute later 
 he and Millicent emerged into Piccadilly. " He never 
 thanked me for the lunch or anything ! " 
 
 " But he thanked me," she replied slily. " You said only 
 the other evening that we ought to be like one person, now 
 that we're engaged." 
 
 "That's true, in a way," Bunny admitted. "But it was 
 rather rude of him all the same. I don't believe he enjoyed 
 himself, though. He's not used to being with ladies, you 
 see. Barmaids are more in his line." 
 
 " He didn't strike me as that sort of man at all," said 
 Millicent thoughtfully. "But, then, you know, some bar- 
 maids are quite nice, respectable girls ! " 
 
 " I daresay," said Bunny curtly, " but not Blackstone's 
 sort." 
 
 " I thought he was a friend of yours," she said wonder- 
 ingly. " Do you always say such horrid things about your 
 friends ? " 
 
 Bunny put on his most fatherly manner. 
 
 " It's like this, you see : Blackstone is all very well where 
 men are concerned. I'ut he's a hopeless blackguard —
 
 ALL FOOLS 123 
 
 drinks like a fish and swears horribly ! — and he's not 
 exactly the sort of chap one likes to introduce to a girl. 
 He's not respectable, you know ! I didn't want him to 
 come to lunch to-day. He practically invited himself, as it 
 was. I assure you he's thoroughly disreputable— not at all 
 a fit friend for any girl. You understand what I mean, 
 don't you, dear ? " 
 
 " Yes, I do ! " she retorted somewhat indignantly. " But 
 I think you're quite wrong in your opinion of him. I 
 expect he only drinks and talks to barmaids because he 
 has nothing better to do. 1 wish I could introduce him to 
 some nice girl. She would soon persuade him to leave off 
 drinking." 
 
 Bunny looked at her in astonishment. Her heightened 
 colour and the vehemence of her words betokened an 
 interest in the subject out of all proportion to his merits. 
 
 "Well, where shall we go?" he asked at length, anxious 
 to quit so dangerous a topic. " It's too late for any 
 theatre." 
 
 "Let's go out into the country ! " she exclaimed. "It's 
 such a fine afternoon." 
 
 Bunny promptly suggested Richmond. There was some- 
 thing romantic about the name. Smart men in novels were 
 wont to drive sweet creatures, lovable in their exquisite 
 frailty, down to Richmond in dog-carts of supernal height. 
 After a light supper of oysters and champagne, they drove 
 back again through the park, the stars winking at them out 
 of heaven, as he whispered the most seductive of falsehoods 
 in his fair companion's ear, his breath, redolent of cham- 
 pagne, causing a painful flutter among the feathers of her 
 boa. 
 
 Bunny could not drive ; but that v;as no obstacle. Did 
 not hansom-cabs ply for hire, and had he not but lately 
 received his quarter's allowance from home? They also 
 would sup upon champagne and oysters ! He would over-
 
 124 ALL FOOLS 
 
 come Milly's teetotal scruples, just for this once. And, if 
 the stars failed to wink at them as they drove home, it 
 should not be for want of good reason. 
 
 But Millicent failed to see the proposal in the same 
 starry, romantic light. She knew Richmond well, it seemed, 
 having an aunt who lived there — a maiden aunt of prim, 
 old-fashioned notions — and that particular suburb had no 
 charm for her. 
 
 They had reached Hyde Park Corner and were still 
 debating where to go, when an omnibus passed them going 
 in the direction of Kensington. The ungainly vehicle was 
 crowded, inside and out, with passengers. Bunny looked 
 at it with some curiosity, seeking the cause of this popu- 
 larity ; and he caught sight of several slips of paper upon 
 the windows bearing the words, " Kew Bridge." 
 
 " I say, shall we go there? " he exclaimed. 
 
 " Where ? Richmond ? No, I tell you, I don't like 
 Richmond," said Milly, pouting. 
 
 " How about Kew ? " 
 
 " The very place. It's so nico nnd cheap, too. We can 
 take a 'bus to Hammersmith Broadway, and go the rest of 
 the way by tram." 
 
 " Not if I know it," said Bunny, hurrying towards a cab- 
 stand. " How much would you want for driving us to 
 Kew Gardens and back ? " he asked the driver of the fore- 
 most hansom. 
 
 " A round quid, sir, and wait as long as you like." 
 
 "Right you are," said Bunny, who, having no idea of the 
 distance, thought the demand very rensonable. 
 
 Millicent pn-tested : 
 
 " Oh, you silly boy, it's a great deal too much. Do let's 
 go by 'bus." 
 
 Bunny said : 
 
 " Get in, dear. It's all right. I know what I'm about." 
 
 However much she might doubt the truth of her squire's
 
 ALL FOOLS 125 
 
 last assertion, it was very evident that he was bent upon 
 giving her pleasure at any price, so she held her peace. 
 She enjoyed the drive very much, for Bunny did nothing 
 but expatiate upon her charms all the time ; and, sucli is 
 the force of a lover's flattery, by the time they drew up at 
 the great iron gates of the Royal Gardens she had grown 
 quite loving and confidential. 
 
 Bunny was in raptures as his beloved led him about the 
 grounds, pointing out her favourite nooks and glades ; now 
 stopping to admire some flower-bed massed in living colour, 
 now bending down, with a little sigh of delight, to examine 
 some tiny blossom of rare beauty, nestled among the 
 clinkers of a rockery ; always looking to him, to make sure 
 that he was enjoying everything as much as she was. 
 
 But although he was loud in his praises of every object 
 pointed out to him, Mr. Lee-Stretton saw nothing clearly 
 that afternoon, save Milly only. All else was dim and hazy, 
 mere background for the central figure. When he looked 
 back upon the scene afterwards, there was a radiant Milli- 
 cent standing in a mist of a delicate pale mauve, through 
 which trees and a tall pagoda loomed faint and ghostly. 
 There is no doubt whatever that the somewhat eccentric 
 hue of this mental background is owing to the fact that 
 Miss Woodward was wearing some mauve ribbon in her 
 hat and about her neck that day. The colour suited her 
 so well that Bunny has been known to pause before a shop 
 window for minutes at a time, seeming lost in admiration 
 of a silken gown or blouse. He has been known to turn 
 from the contemplation thereof with tears in his eyes, mur- 
 muring, " I say, her colour, you know. Don't talk to me, 
 old chap ! " and to be morose and unsociable for as much 
 as half an hour. 
 
 Having refreshed themselves at a tea-house in the grounds, 
 they at length, about the hour of sunset, passed out at the 
 great iron gates, and looked about for their hansom. The
 
 126 ALL FOOLS 
 
 driver had withdrawn, for company's sake, to a pubhc-house 
 by the bridge, and his horse stood patiently before the 
 door, shaking his nose-bag for fodder. Having enticed 
 the jehu from his carousal, Bunny heli-ed Millicent to her 
 seat, and they started on their homeward way. 
 
 Milly had become wonderfully silent of a sudden. Al- 
 though she allowed him to kiss her hand, or rather her 
 glove, to his heart's content, and even let him press his lips 
 to her cheek more than once, Mr. Lee-Stretton was bound 
 to confess that the coming back was the least delightful 
 part of the expedition. Perhaps she had the same feeling, 
 but the fault lay with her, not with Bunny. He, poor 
 fellow, did his very best to enliven the way. He had 
 kissed her hand for at least the thousandth time since 
 leaving Kew, when Milly, who had turned her head away 
 and was looking out of the side window, exclaimed suddenly: 
 "There they are ! " 
 " Who ? " asked Bunny, mystified. 
 
 " Mr. Blackstone and the Indian Prince, of course ! " she 
 said, laughing softly at his stupidity. 
 
 " Oh," he said drily, " I wonder what they're doing down 
 here. This is Hammersmith, isn't it ? " 
 
 " They're looking for the Germans ! " she said eagerly. 
 " The prince was looking into the window of a Swiss cafe, 
 and Mr. Blackstone was leaning against a lamp-post watch- 
 ing him." 
 
 " I say, you know," said Bunny, " that dark chap isn't a 
 prince, or any humbug of that sort. He's only old Geegee, 
 as mad as a hatter. His Christian name — only he isn't a 
 Christian, you know — is Brown. Mr. Brown Geegee is his 
 real name, although, of course, he makes it sound like 
 Hindustani when he pronounces it." 
 
 " What a pity ! " said Millicent, in an aggrieved tone. 
 " It was so much nicer to think that he was a prince. He 
 is so very grandly dressed this evening, too."
 
 ALL FOOLS 127 
 
 Bunny chuckled. ''Yes, the silly fool. He thinks he 
 looks like an English lord." 
 
 Millicent burst out laughing, and — so contagious is 
 laughter — Bunny forgot his whilom jealousy of Blackstone, 
 and fell a-laughing too. And somehow, in laughing, they 
 drew closer together, and before Milly had time to protest, 
 Bunny had his arm about her waist. So a slight coolness 
 ended in great warmth : active on Bunny's part, passive on 
 Millicent's. 
 
 " Please let me go, Douglas," she panted. " I'm sure 
 everybody must have seen you." 
 
 " Will you stop the cab, please ? " she continued more 
 earnestly. " We're quite near my home now, and I want 
 to get back in good time." 
 
 " But I say, you know, I thought we'd have dinner some- 
 where, and then go — " 
 
 " Oh, no, thank you ; I must really go home. My 
 mother will be anxious. Besides, you've spent quite 
 enough money on me, as it is. Do, please, tell the driver 
 to stop." 
 
 The horse drawing up to the kerb, Bunny jumped out 
 and held her hand as she alighted. Then they set off 
 leisurely in the direction of St. Christopher Avenue, the 
 cabman looking after them with a well-pleased grin as he 
 pocketed his sovereign. 
 
 They had gone but a very little way, and the noise of the 
 thoroughfare they had just left was yet loud in their ears 
 when Millicent came to a standstill. 
 
 " I must say good-bye to you here," she said, with a 
 becoming air of resolution. 
 
 "But, I say, you know," Bunny pleaded, "you might 
 let me take you home. It's getting dark. I really can't let 
 you go all that way alone." 
 
 " Nonsense, Douglas, I'm not quite a baby. I have 
 rather a headache, and would rather be alone."
 
 i:j8 all fools 
 
 "All right, then," he said dejectedly. "But you'll give 
 a fellow a kiss — won't you? — before you go." 
 
 Bunny stood staring after her, with the warmth of an all 
 too fleeting kiss still upon his cheek. Why did she always 
 avoid his mouth ? he wonde: ed. Then he turned his steps 
 eastward, pondering much upon the strange humours of the 
 fair sex, and harbouring, deep in his heart, a feeling that 
 Millicent had not tre.ited Lim quite fairly. 
 
 But, in saying that she wished to be alone, Miss Wood- 
 ward had spoken nothing but the truth. Her headache, 
 too, was a painful reality, for, ever since tea-time, her mind 
 had been in a turmoil of doubt and regret. Since then, 
 each kiss of Bunny's had seemed a taunt, almost an insult, 
 each term of endearment had sounded as a reproach in her 
 ears. She loved him not at all. Even that tenderness, 
 which had welled up in her heart, in reply to his first 
 passionate wooing, had proved but a passing sensation. 
 She liked him well enough. He was kind, generous, and 
 honourable in his schoolboy way. He would have been 
 very nice and amusing as a friend and satellite, but as a 
 husband — well, she had fathomed his character in a few 
 hours' intercourse. 
 
 Women, especially in youth, dearly love an enigma, until 
 they have succeeded in its solution. The answer found, all 
 interest is at an end. Therefore, in their reading, they 
 chiefly offect the works of any author who, by a rank 
 growth or tangle of abstruse and obsolete words, does so 
 well hide every germ of meaning, that mere obscurity is 
 clear by comparison. They raise the propounder of an 
 answerless question to the rank of a demi-god, and worship 
 him with all the cant of religious enthusiasm ; forgetting 
 that merit and depth of thought, if any there be, lie rather 
 with the man who finds the answer than with him who puts 
 the question. 
 
 Bunny's was as yet a shallow character, easy to fathom.
 
 ALL FOOLS 129 
 
 All his faults and virtues lay very near the surface. Tlicre 
 was no mystery attaching to him. He was in nu way 
 eccentric. His past history was of the most conventional. 
 Millicent could not repress a shudder at the thought of 
 such a ninny as her lifelong companion. 
 
 But he had made her an honourable offer of marriage, 
 and, in a moment of pique, she had accepted him. He was 
 very much in love with her, and the fervour of his passion 
 gave no sign of abatement. She was bound in honour to 
 abide by her word. After all, he was an easy-going, good- 
 tempered creature. Life with him would at least compare 
 favourably with that which she now led, with its pitilul 
 struggle after the shadow of gentility. 
 
 At this point in her musing, she reached St. Christopher 
 Avenue and slackened her pace, being loth to enter the 
 house, until she had brought her thoughts to some defined 
 conclusion. It was quite dark now, although a streak of 
 pale green still lingered in the sky to westward, blackening 
 the outlines of houses and chimney-pots in that direction.
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 OF THE DASTARDLY AND UNHEARD-OF CONDUCT OF MR. 
 JONES, AND OF THE HEROIC RESCUE OF A LADY BY 
 MR. BLACKSTONE AND AN INDIAN GENTLEMAN. 
 
 In St. Christopher Avenue and the neighbouring roads, gas- 
 lamps are few and far bc^tween, as if the authorities, having 
 sown their seeds of light too lavishly in the main thorough- 
 fares, had been left with only a single handful to be scattered 
 broadcast among the by-streets. Each house has a little 
 strip of garden in front, about three yards deep from the 
 railings to the bow-window of the dining-room ; and this 
 space is, in many cases, planted with a small hedge of 
 laurel, privet, or other common shrub, as a leafy screen 
 from the stare of the passer-by. 
 
 Millicent, lost in thought, was unaware of the figure of a 
 man — a short man in a suit of garish check, with golf-cap 
 to match — who was leaning over a little iron gate, half 
 hidden by one of these shrubberies. He was evidently 
 waiting for someone, for, no sooner was a footfall heard 
 upon the pavement, than he leaned forward, craning his 
 neck in a vain endeavour to peer through the dnrkness, 
 which was between the iron gate and the nearest gas-lamp. 
 As the footsteps drew nearer and nearer, his excitement 
 became intense. He leaned farther and farther forward, 
 and at last, with a sound between a gasp and a sob, flung 
 open the gate, and, leaping on to the pavement, barred the 
 way for the astonished girl. 
 
 130
 
 ALL FOOLS 131 
 
 Milly gave a little scream and stepped back, trembling 
 with fright. 
 
 "Miss Woodward! lovely Miss Woodward! dearest 
 Milly ! " said the apparition, standing before her with out- 
 stretched arms. " I've been waitin' for you for hours — just 
 to speak to you once again. Oh, 'ear me ! — 'ear a desperate 
 man, '00 loves you, Milly, more than all the dandified swells 
 in all London, all put together ! " 
 
 " Let me pass ! " she exclaimed indignantly, drawing her- 
 self up to her full height. " You are no gentleman, Mr. 
 Jones, to dog my footsteps in this way ! It's shame- 
 ful ! " 
 
 " Yes, shameful — that's the sort of word to use to a man 
 '00 'as loved you ever since you were a little bit of a thing ! 
 I'm not a swell, I know, and I am a tradesman's son, I 
 know that too, and I don't speak with a swagger drawl, 
 and my aitches are a bit shaky, I know all that ! But I've 
 loved you honestly for years and years, and I'd counted on 
 makin' you my wife some day, and now that you've gone and 
 given yourself to another — 'ateful puppy ! — I feel as if my 
 'eart was broken, as if there wasn't anythin' worth livin' for, 
 except death ! I've been neglectin' my business ever since 
 I learnt the 'orrid truth at your 'ouse, last Saturday. I can't 
 press people to buy bedsteads, without almost blubberin' 
 like a baby. It reminds me so of what might 'ave been if 
 you'd been content with an honest, 'omely chap for a 
 'usband. Oh, Milly, darlin' Milly I i love you more than I 
 can tell ! My Ufe and prospects and all are ruined all 
 through you ! " 
 
 " Oh, Mr. Jones, I am so sorry ! " said Millicent, softened 
 in spite of herself. " But what can I say ? I don't love 
 you, Mr. Jones. You must surely know that I have never 
 loved you. I am so very, very sorry, but I can't help it ; and 
 you ought not to speak to me like this, now that — now that 
 I'm engaged. Please let me go ! "
 
 132 ALL FOOLS 
 
 " No, Milly darlin', don't 'urry away ! It's the last chance 
 I may ever 'ave of tellin' you what I feel. I love you, Milly, 
 and I shall always love you, but I can't 'elp 'atin' the man 
 that's robbed me of you. Tell me, Milly, plain and straight. 
 Do you love this dandified fellow you're engaged to ? " 
 
 " You have no right to put such a question to me ! " 
 said Millicent haughtily. " Your tone is insulting. I refuse 
 to answer ! " 
 
 " Tell me plain and straight ! " Harry Jones insisted, 
 taking a step forward and making as if he would clasp her 
 in his arms ; " I 'ave a right to ask, because I love you and 
 'ave loved you truly, the Lord knows 'ow long ! Now look 
 at me ! I'm a shockin' sight and I know it. I 'aven't 'ad 
 the 'eart to brush my 'air all this blessed day, and I don't 
 care one 'ang 'ow my clothes look, now that you've gone and 
 got engaged to another." 
 
 "You've ruined my life, I tell you!" he whispered 
 fiercely, drawing so near to her that she could feel his breath 
 warm upon her cheek. " I shouldn't mind so much if you 
 were goin' to marry a fellow that was worthy of you. If 
 you loved 'im, I'd say, 'Marry 'im, dear, and God bless you ! ' 
 But you don't love 'im ; you can't love 'im ! 'E's got no 
 brains, and 'e isn't what you'd call 'andsome with that rabbit 
 mouth of 'is. 'E's not the 'usband for a clever, pretty girl 
 like you. 'E's as good as me, you'll say ; but 1 ask you : 
 'Ow long 'as 'e loved you ? 'As 'e loved you ever since you 
 were a little bit of a thing? 'As 'e worshipped the very 
 ground you trod on, ever since the time you wore short skirts 
 and thought it swagger to wear gloves ? No, of course 'e 
 'asn't ! Milly ! — angel ! — darling ! throw 'im over ! Let me 
 only 'ope ! " 
 
 In the reckless daring of his forlorn hope, he seized her 
 in his arms and pressed his thick lips to her cheek. Milly 
 uttered a piercing scream. 
 
 " How dare you ! " she cried, with a sob, struggling with
 
 ALL FOOLS 133 
 
 feet and hands to be free. " Let me go ! — Let me go, I 
 say ! I shall call for the police ! " 
 
 "You shall be mine," he whispered hoarsely; "I can't 
 let you be the wife of that fool. I'll 'old you tight in ray 
 arms until you swear to marry me, and if you won't swear 
 it — don't tempt me too far, Milly ! I'm pretty well desp'rit ! 
 Say you'll throw 'im over, let me only 'ope, and you're free 
 as the air you breathe ! " 
 
 " Let me go, madman ! I hear footsteps. You will be 
 sent to prison for your folly and — and wickedness. Oh, 
 help ! help ! " 
 
 " Say you'll throw 'im over," he hissed in her ear. 
 
 " Let me go, I say ! Help ! Help ! " 
 
 " Then I'll carry you into the 'ouse till you change your 
 mind," he whispered, the devil completely mastering him, 
 and he made haste to put his threat into execution. 
 
 " Are you mad? " she screamed, battling to keep her feet 
 upon the ground " There are people coming ! They are 
 quite close ! You'll get hard labour for this ; it's criminal. 
 Oh, help ! " 
 
 A great pulse was throbbing in Harry Jones's brain, 
 deadening all other sounds. He had the strength of one 
 possessed. Already he had succeeded in lifting her in his 
 arms, when he was suddenly seized from behind. At the 
 same moment Millicent freed herself by a violent effort, 
 and sank back against the railings in a fainting condition. 
 Then Mr. Jones, ex-Minister for Foreign Affairs, was him- 
 self lifted from the ground and flung with great force into 
 the roadway, where he lay for some seconds, stunned and 
 breathless, dimly aware of a dusky face bending over him, 
 and of a pair of bright almond eyes, that seemed to be 
 making an inventory of his features. 
 
 " Sit on his head, Geegee ! " said a gruff voice from the 
 pavement. 
 
 " Oh, no ! Don't be too hard on him, please, dear Mr.
 
 •134 ALL FOOLS 
 
 Blackstone!" came in broken feminine tones from the 
 same direction. " He is an old friend of ours, who has 
 been very ill, and — and is not quite himself. This is his 
 house. Do, please, take him indoors, before a crowd 
 collects. I don't want any scandal, if it can possibly be 
 avoided ! " 
 
 Harry Jones ran great risk of suffocation for the space of 
 half a minute. Then came the order, " Get up, Geegee, 
 you heathen ! " and his face was relieved of its burden. 
 He had barely time to recover his breath, before he was 
 seized in a pair of strong arms, raised to a considerable 
 distance from the ground, and, after a brief passage through 
 the air, set down upon his own doorstep. 
 
 " Shall I knock, or ring, or what do you wish ? " 
 
 Harry Jones looked up into the face of the speaker, and 
 hazy memories of the renowned Blunderbore flitted through 
 his brain. " Fairy tales let loose ! " he thought. " It's 'ardly 
 fair on a chap ! " 
 
 " Look here ! " said the giant in thunderous tones. " Am 
 I to knock or ring, you little blackguard ? I'm only trying 
 to save you, because Miss Woodward wishes it. If I had 
 my way, I'd give you a jolly good thrashing for mauling a 
 girl about like that ! You'd better get indoors before a 
 crowd collects, or there'll be a deuce cf a row ! " With 
 that, Blackstone rang the bell. 
 
 "There's no one in the 'ouse," muttered Harry Jones, 
 rising and fumbling in the pocket of his trousers. "I've 
 got a latch-key somewhere ! " 
 
 "Then get indoors in double quick time, or it'll be the 
 worse for you ! " 
 
 Mr. Jones made all possible haste to obey ; and, having 
 seen him safely disposed of, Blackstone rejoined Miss 
 Woodward and Brown Geegee upon the pavement. A 
 small crowd had already collected at a little distance from 
 the spot. Dwellers in the neighbouring houses, who had
 
 ALL FOOLS 135 
 
 failed to respond to Millicent's urgent cries for help, now 
 that it was all over and there was no fear of having to 
 bear witness to anything, came out hatless into the street, 
 to inquire what was the matter. Certain loafers, of the 
 class whose vocation it is to look on at street fights, had 
 started up, as if by magic, from no one knows where ; 
 incarnate wretchedness haunting the back streets on the 
 chance of an odd job, or better still, of a row, where there 
 are opportunities for the just and the unjust — with the 
 thought of a glass of " unsweetened " always in perspective- 
 Could the gutters and dust-heaps of London take human 
 form and walk abroad, they would take such forms as these. 
 To this crescent of onlookers, Brown Gcejee was an 
 object of absorbing interest. Indeed, his dress and bearing 
 were such as to excite feelings of wonder, not unmixed 
 with awe, in the breast of any man. He wore a top-hat, 
 slightly on one side, and a fawn overcoat of dressing-gown 
 length, above whose velvet lapel a very high collar rose in 
 vivid contrast to his dusky face. From beneath the skirts 
 of this ample robe, his boots of patent leather pec-ped 
 coquettishly forth. In his hand he held a cane, the ivory 
 handle of which he applied to his mouth from time to time, 
 seeming to derive the same solace from the sucking thereof 
 that a baby is supposed to find in the windy sterility of an 
 india-rubber mouth-piece. 
 
 The onlookers were as yet undecided whether to regard 
 the coloured gentleman as hero or villain of the drama 
 which they had just failed to witness, when Blackstone 
 emerged from the little shrubbery. Closing the gate 
 behind him, he offered his arm to Miilicent, who was stili 
 lerning, pale and trembling, against the railings. 
 
 ■'What's the row, guv'nor?" asked an undersized man, in 
 somebody else's cast-off clothes and a battered billycock. 
 
 "Oh, nothing, nothing!" said Blackstone impatiently. 
 "The lady has been very much frightened by a lunatic, but
 
 136 ALL FOOLS 
 
 he made off before my friend and I came up. That's all ! 
 There's nothing to make a fuss about. Come along, 
 Geegee ! " 
 
 " Blowed if you ain't the rummest-lookin' cuss I ever set 
 eyes on ! " said the undersized man, turning his baffled 
 curiosity upon the coloured gentleman, "(lot loose from 
 a wild-beast show, I shouldn't wonder ! " 
 
 This sally called forth a hoarse chuckle from the other 
 loafers, which became a roar of derisive laughter wJien 
 Brown Geegee made a blind rush at his tormentor, and, 
 thanks to the ubiquitous length of his overcoat, sprawled 
 full length upon the ground, his topper rolling quite two 
 yards into the roadway. 
 
 " 'E's a Indian juggler — that's what 'e is ! " cried the 
 cause of Geegee's fall, eyeing the prostrate gentleman 
 critically. " Sort of a ackero-bat ! Come and get your 'at. 
 Jumbo, old boy ! 'Ope yer nose ain't broke ! " 
 
 Brown Geegee got up, rubbed his knees, and then 
 stumbled into the road in pursuit of his topper. 
 
 " Come along, Geegee ! " shouted Blackstone, who, in 
 his anxiety to withdraw Miss Woodward from the possible 
 rudeness of the roughs, had walked on, leaving his dusky 
 friend to his fate. 
 
 " Get along with yer, Geegee ! " cried he of the battered 
 headgear mockingly. " Carn't yer smell the stable, old 
 'orse? If yer don't 'urry up I shall 'ave to 'old a carrot to 
 yer bloomin' nose ! " 
 
 Brown Geegee, in desperation, seized his hat, stroked it 
 two or three times with deep solicitude, and then set it 
 firmly on his head. 
 
 " You are damfool-satan-filth fellows, all of you ! " he 
 hissed, with a display of tefjth sufficient to furnish a dentist's 
 window. " I hate you, I despise you, and I spit upon you 
 in the spirit ! " 
 
 With that he shuffled off up the road, amid derisive
 
 ALL FOOLS 137 
 
 cheers and cries of " Woa, good 'orse ! " " Gently, Geegee ! " 
 " Mind yer blinkers ! " and the like. His heart bursting 
 with indignation, he made all haste to overtake Blackstone 
 and his fair convoy, and, in so doing, nearly ran into the 
 arms of a stalwart policeman, who, with the swiftness of an 
 overfed tortoise, was heading for the scene of riot. 
 
 " Ha ! " exclaimed Geegee, stepping aside, and viewing 
 the constable in the light of a dawning hope. " Make 
 haste, and you will catch them ! There is no time to be 
 lost ! They have insulted me most beastly. Moreover, 
 they are, everyone of them, black-satan filthmcn. Run, 
 Mr. Policeman ! Leap forward like a tiger, or you will be 
 much too late ! " 
 
 "None o' your sauce, my fine feller!" said the police- 
 man, going on his way with unmoved stolidity. " I mind 
 my business, you'd best mind yours ! " 
 
 Brown Geegee shouted after him : 
 
 " You are a very rude man ! You are likewise a wicked- 
 devil fellow, and I will report you to the Queen ! " 
 
 " One o' these 'ere Christie minstrels ! " thought the 
 policeman. " 'Ad a drop too much, bein' Saturday, I 
 shouldn't wonder." And, dismissing the coloured gentle- 
 man from his mind, he made the best, or rather the most, 
 of his way to the scene of riot, to find, much to his relief, 
 that it was all over and the street as quiet as usual. 
 
 At last, panting and breathless, Brown Geegee came 
 up with the objects of his chase. Millicent had let go 
 Blackstone's arm, and was standing with her back to the 
 railings, her fingers playing with the handle of an iron 
 gate. Her rescuer stood by, shy and awkward, now that 
 all excitement was at an end. The arrival of the coloured 
 gentleman was a relief to both. 
 
 " Hulloa, Geegee ! No bones broken, I hope ? " said 
 Blackstone cheerily.
 
 '138 ALL FOOLS 
 
 "I do so hope that you are not much hurt, Mr. — Mr. 
 Geegee ! " faltered MilHcent. 
 
 " No, I am not much hurt in my body," began Brown 
 Geegee, with injured volubility. " But my soul is very much 
 damaged. I have been insulted, outraged, and called bad 
 names to ! You are my friend, Blackstone, and I love 
 you ; but it was not nice of you to leave me to be insulted 
 by those dam-satan fellows ! " 
 
 " Gently, gently, Geegee ! None of your bad language 
 in Miss Woodward's presence. I'm sorry, old chap, but it 
 was better that you should get chaffed a bit, than that Miss 
 Woodward should be insulted by a lot of roughs." 
 
 ^' Ah ! In that case I accept your apology with much 
 pleasure," said Brown Geegee, leering at Milliccnt in his 
 most diabolical manner. " Miss Woodward is a good girl. 
 She is, moreover, beautiful, and I love her ! " 
 
 " Steady ! " said Blackstone reprovingly. " It's bad form 
 to say you love her, when you know she is engaged to 
 Bunny. You'll excuse him, won't you. Miss Woodward? 
 He's only a heathen, you see, and knows no better ! " 
 
 " Won't you come in and rest a little ? " said Millicent. 
 " I should like to introduce you both to my brother. He 
 would wish to thank you, I feel sure ! I am so thankful 
 you came just when you did ! I could never have ex- 
 plained matters to a stranger, and poor Mr. Jones would 
 have been sent to prison." 
 
 Blackstone was divided between a wish to prolong the 
 time spent in her company, and a feeling of loyalty to 
 Bunny. But, Brown Geegee accepting with many salaams, 
 he compounded the matter with his conscience, attributing 
 his eagerness solely to a desire to see that redoubtable 
 brother, for whom Bunny had conceived so strong a dislike. 
 Without reluctance, therefore, he followed Millicent into the 
 house. 
 
 " Pray take care of the lamp ! " she said, with a whimsical
 
 ALL FOOLS 139 
 
 glance over her shoulder at the giant. Blackstone, con- 
 triving to avoid that man-trap, was again forced to bow his 
 head in order to pass into the dining-room.
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 OF THE TERRORS INSPIRED IN MR, WOODWARD BY THE 
 MENTION OF A BULL-DOG, AND OF THE STRANGE 
 OBSTINACY OF AN INDIAN GENTLEMAN. 
 
 The room looked very cosy in the gaslight, with the curtains 
 drawn and the table laid for supper. Blackstone could 
 hardly reconcile its present appearance with Bunny's excited 
 account of the scene on the previous Saturday. He thought 
 it a snug little place — ^just the right sort of nest for a bird 
 like Millicent. What an ass Bunny was to make so much 
 of little drawbacks, where so lovely a girl was concerned ! 
 
 " Please sit down ! " said Millicent, a little shyly. " I 
 expect my brother is upstairs getting ready for supper. 
 You'll excuse my leaving you here, won't you ? I would 
 show you into the drawing-room, only the gas is not lighted 
 there, and I can't be sure that the servant has left it 
 presentable." 
 
 Having seen them installed in arm-chairs, one on either 
 side of the fire-place, she ran upstairs in quest of Percy. 
 
 Blackstone glanced roimd the room witli ap; roval, almost 
 with admiration, although there was nothing to admire in 
 it, Millicent being elsewhere. He tried to draw Geegee 
 into conversation upon its beauties ; but the coloured 
 gentleman was inclined to be disparaging, saying, with a 
 disdainful sniff, that he preferred something more grandiose, 
 more palatial. Brown Geegee cavilled especially at the 
 fire-screen, which he declared, for no obvious reason, to be 
 " sa tan-silly." Whereupon Blackstone would certainly have 
 
 140
 
 ALL FOOLS 141 
 
 shaken him, had not the entrance of Percy put an abrupt 
 end to their bickering. 
 
 Blackstone whispered, " Get up, Geegee ! " himself setting 
 the example in politeness. 
 
 Percy's outer man gave signs of having been hastily tidied 
 up for the occasion. He wore his frock-coat, and the redness 
 of his forehead and temples bore witness to the violence 
 with which his hair had been brushed to its present 
 elaborate smoothness. 
 
 "I believe I have the pleasure of addressing Mr. Black- 
 stone?" he said, showing a tendency to rub his hands. "I 
 am pleased to see you, though the cause of your visit is 
 none of the pleasantest. How are you, sir ? I hope you 
 are quite v^^ell, Mr, — Mr. — I've forgotten the other gentle- 
 man's name ! " 
 
 " He hasn't got one," said Blackstone, with a grin ; " at 
 least, he hasn't got an English name ; and one can't sprain 
 one's throat trying to talk Hindustani. I call him Geegee 
 myself." 
 
 " I hope you are quite well, Mr. — Mr. Geegee," said 
 Percy, shaking the coloured gentleman's hand with nervous 
 cordiality. 
 
 "Quite well, I thank you," replied the coloured gentle- 
 man, with his wonted display of teeth. " I am delighted to 
 make your acquaintance. You are the brother of Miss 
 Woodward ? It is enough. I am proud to clasp your 
 hand in friendship." 
 
 Percy stood somewhat awkwardly, with his shoulders 
 against the mantelpiece, the spread-out skirts of his frock- 
 coat causing a total eclipse of the fire-screen. 
 
 "You'll excuse my sister, won't you, gentlemen?" he 
 said. ''She is a little overcome by her adventure of this 
 evening. I must thank you both for the handsome way in 
 which you came to the poor girl's rescue. That Harry 
 Jones used to be a friend of mine. Little did I think that
 
 142 ALL FOOLS 
 
 I was nourishing a viper, so to speak, in my bosom when I 
 appointed him Minister for Foreign Affairs, The fellow 
 must be out of his mind to go assaulting my sister in this 
 way in the public street. It's jealousy has driven him to it 
 — the green-eyed monster, as the poet facetiously puts it. 
 He's awfully gone on Milly — has been for years. Ah ! a 
 terrible thing is jealousy, Mr. Blackstone 1 " 
 
 " Jealousy or no jealousy, the fellow's a scoundrel ! " said 
 Blackstone warmly. 
 
 " Ah ! that's the cruel part of it. It's a dreadful thing, 
 Mr. — Mr. Geegee, to find out all too late that one's bosom 
 friend is, to use Mr. Blackstone's own term, a scoundrel." 
 
 '• I feel for you," said Brown Geegee, with a cordial 
 grimace. " It is very nasty to think that one has made 
 himself friendly with a black-satan-filth fellow ! " 
 
 " By the way. Mil tells me that you gentlemen are friends 
 of my future brother-in-law, Lee-Stretton," pursued Percy, 
 with an increase of dignity. "Any friend of his may be 
 sure of a hearty welcome in this house. Nice fellow, isn't 
 he ?— so affable ! " 
 
 "Well, I can't say I've noticed it," said Blackstone 
 grimly. " I should sit on him pretty quick if he tried it on 
 with me." 
 
 Percy was greatly disconcerted at this rejoinder. He 
 took pride in his choice of language, and his exquisite taste 
 in adjectives was a source of wonder and delight to his 
 colleagues of the debating society. Less talented gentlemen 
 would whisper each other that " old Perce had the gift of 
 the gab, and no mistake," so that the Prime Minister, 
 having a keen ear for whispered comments, had come to 
 regard himself as a past-master in elocution, and that more 
 difficult art known as the choice of the right word. 
 
 " I say," said Blackstone, aware that he had made a 
 blunder, and anxious to change the subject, " do you like 
 dogs ? "
 
 ALL FOOLS 143 
 
 " I am very fond of animals," said Percy, mystified. 
 
 " Got any in the house ? " 
 
 " No, not at present. My sister had a toy-terrier, but it 
 died of overfeeding." 
 
 " Is she fond of dogs, too ? " 
 
 " You should see her cuddle them ! " 
 
 "That's ripping!" said Blackstoiie, warming to his 
 favourite topic. " Now, look here, Woodward. I've got a 
 bull-bitch at home, with some young pups. I should like 
 to give Miss Woodward one of those pups, if you'll let me. 
 Bull-dogs are awfully faithful, you know, and the little 
 beggar could go about with her and protect her from that 
 villain Jones, or whatever his name is." 
 
 " But the house is so small," Percy suggested. '"Besides, 
 Mil goes to business every day, and who's to take care of 
 the dog when she's away ? " 
 
 "Oh, a dog doesn't take up much room, and I'll see that 
 he's properly trained for the house before lie's sent up." 
 
 Percy's knowledge of dogs and the ways of dogs was very 
 hmited. He had a vivid recollection of a certain bull-dog, 
 whose fangs, despite his agonised cries of " Good dog ! " 
 and " Did 'ems, den ! " had mot in the calf of his leg. The 
 ugly scar upon his nether limb had been since shown to 
 intimate friends, previously sworn to secrecy, as a wound 
 received in a duel with a foreign nobleman about a woman. 
 But, whenever a bull-dog was mentioned, the plain, un- 
 varnished truth Hushed his brain, sending a tremor through 
 all his body. Blackstone's offer filled his soul Vy-ith conster- 
 nation. But it would be only a puppy at first, and by the 
 time its biting powers were fully developed it might perhaps 
 have grown reconciled to Percy's presence in the house. It 
 would be ungracious to refuse. At any rate, the beast 
 could sit in Mrs. Woodward's bedroom and keep her com- 
 pany while the young people were at business. How he 
 wished that he had told Blackstone from the first that he
 
 144 ALL FOOLS 
 
 hated all dogs, and buU-ciogs in particular ! He determined 
 to consult Elf and Bert upon the subject. They were very 
 knowing in matters canine, and might be able to teach him 
 some way of appeasing the brute. 
 
 " Well, then, that's settled," said Biackstone, taking 
 Percy's silence for consent. " I'll write and tell one of our 
 grooms to see to the training of a pup, and send him up 
 here as soon as he's fit." 
 
 " Won't you stay to supper? " said Percy, seeing that his 
 guests were in no hurry to take their leave. 
 
 " No, thanks," said Biackstone, starting up. " We must 
 be going now. Please say good-bye to Miss Woodward fur 
 us ; and don't tell her anything about the pup. I should 
 like it to take her by surprise. Come along, Geegee." 
 
 But the coloured gentleman did not stir. 
 
 " I accept my friend's invitation with much [)leasure," he 
 said, with a grimace cordial in intention, fiendish in fact. 
 " I will stay and partake of ins supper. I will likewise 
 express my feelings to Miss Woodward in a personal 
 interview." 
 
 " The devil you will ! " shouted the miUtiaman, seizing 
 his friend by the velvet collar of his overcoat, and lifting 
 him to a standing posture. " He's only a poor heathen, 
 you see," he added by way of apology to Percy, who was 
 watching the proceedings with great embarrassment. " You 
 must excuse him." 
 
 " But Mr. Geegee is most welcome to stay to supper, if he 
 doesn't object to what the poet would call a frugal meal," 
 Percy, in his capacity of host, felt bound to protest. 
 
 " Yes, I will stay," said Brown Geegee, rolling his eyes. 
 " I will accept the invitation of my friend, Mr. W^oodward. 
 Do — not — assault — me — Bl — Biackstone ! " 
 
 This entreaty was spoken under difficulties, for Black- 
 stone, keeping firm hold of the velvet collar, began to shake 
 the ill-starred coloured gentleman with all his might.
 
 ALL FOOLS 145 
 
 Brown Geegee's topper slid from his grasp and rolled under 
 the table. His cane, ivory handle and all, fell with a great 
 clatter into the fender. His teeth chattered in his head. 
 
 "Had enough— eh, Geegee?" asked Blackstone at 
 length, having reduced his dusky comrade to the required 
 limpness. 
 
 Brown Geegee clutched at the chimney-piece for support. 
 
 " Yes, I have had enough — too much — much too much," 
 he gasped. " I am more than one half dead. Mr. Wood- 
 ward, I appeal to you. Do not let Blackstone assault me 
 any more, or I shall feel it my duty to call for the police." 
 
 Percy stood by, irresolute. He scarcely liked to 
 interfere on the coloured gentleman's behalf, lest some 
 of the giant's wrath should fall upon himself. 
 
 " Come along, Geegee, you graven image," said Black- 
 stone, in a soothing tone. '' I didn't mean to hurt you, you 
 know. Come along, and we'll say no more about it." 
 
 " But I do not wish to go with you. I wish to stay and 
 have supper with the brother of my beautiful friend, Miss 
 Woodward." 
 
 Percy rubbed his hands nervously, and said: "Since 
 there seems to' be a difference of opinion, wouldn't it be 
 better if you both stayed to supper? I shall be verj' glad 
 of your company, though I've only boiled beef and potatoes 
 to offer you. But I can promise you a good glass of ale. 
 Say the word, Mr. Blackstone, and I'll tell the slavey to lay 
 an extra place." 
 
 Blackstone hesitated. " But what will your sister think 
 of us ?" he said. 
 
 " She won't come down again to-night. She's having a 
 cry, I expect, and will want to have supper in her bedroom. 
 That makes it all the easier. One of you can take my 
 sister's place, and I'll tell the slavey to bring an extra knife 
 and fork." 
 
 Somehow the discovery that Milly would not be present 
 
 K
 
 146 ALL FOOLS 
 
 at the meal took the edge off Brown Geeyee's appetite. 
 He rolled his eyes, cleared his throat, coughed twice, picked 
 his cane out of the fender, and then made a dive under the 
 table for his topper. 
 
 " I think I will no longer trespass upon your hospitality," 
 he said, bringing the whole galaxy of his teeth to bear upon 
 the astonished host. " I perceive that you desire to be by 
 yourself. You are my very good friend, and I love yon. 
 Convey my affectionate regrets to your sister. She is a 
 sweet - sugar - angel girl. I hope that we shall meet 
 again. Farewell." 
 
 " But, Mr. — Mr. Geegee," faltered Percy, completely 
 taken aback by this sudden change in his visitor's tactics. 
 " I thought you were going to stay to supper." 
 
 " No, not at all. Pray do not mention it. You are my 
 very good friend, and I perceive that you wish to be alone. 
 It is enough. Adieu." 
 
 " Good-bye, Woodward," said Blackstone. " I'm glad my 
 heathen friend has found his manners at last." 
 
 " Good-bye, sir," said Percy, shaking the proffered hand. 
 "Proud to have made your acquaintance." 
 
 " Ah, I had forgotten," said Brown Geegee, rushing back 
 from the door, and laying down his hat and cane upon the 
 table. He took Percy's hand in both of his, shook it 
 fervently for some seconds, murmured, " Farewell, my 
 very good friend. Adieu," let go, resumed his hat and 
 stick, and followed Blackstone into the hall. 
 
 "Allow me," cried Percy, rushing forward to open the 
 front door. 
 
 " With much pleasure," said Brown Geegee, bowing in 
 acknowledgment of the courtesy. 
 
 "You won't forget about the pup — not to tell Miss 
 Woodward, I mean," cried Blackstone from the pavement. 
 
 " No, thank you very much. Mum's the word with me. 
 Good-night."
 
 ALL FOOLS 147 
 
 With that, Percy Woodward closed the door, and, gouig 
 back into the dining-room, rang the bell for supper. 
 
 "Rum chap, that Geegee," he mused over his boiled 
 beef and potatoes. "But the other one's a real good sort 
 — none of your stuck-up humbug about him." 
 
 The words " I will tell one of our grooms," recurred to 
 his mind, causing his heart to swell, and his eyes to fill, 
 with the thought that he had spoken to such an cne on 
 equal terms. The Woodward family was recovering some- 
 thing of its pristine grandeur. The house in St. 
 Christopher Avenue bade fair to become a favourite 
 rendezvous with the Upper Ten. And Milly was the cause 
 of all this change. That girl was a born aristocrat, a true 
 chip of the old Woodward block. There was no saying to 
 what heights she might not rise. His fancy pictured her, 
 as Mrs. Lee-Stretton, driving past the windows of the bank 
 in her carriage and pair, and himself pointing her out to 
 his colleagues as " my sister, you know." He pictured 
 himself, as Mrs. Lee-Stretton's brother, strolling into her 
 drawing-room on a Saturday afternoon in frock-coat and 
 top-hat, with lavender kid gloves, and an orchid at his 
 button-hole, and talking fashionable scandal with Countesses 
 and Honourable Misses. 
 
 But when, the table cleared, he settled himself, pipe" in 
 mouth, in an arm-chair beside the fire-screen, his thoughts 
 returned once more to the present, and he shuddered, 
 remembering the terrible risk his sister had run that 
 evening. 
 
 "That Harry Jones wants horsewhipping with his own 
 whip," he muttered, as if the mere fact of the weapon being 
 Harry's own could add to the ignominy of the thrashing. 
 '' But I'll never shake hands with him or speak to him 
 again as long as I live. He got pretty well knocked about 
 by that giant, Blackstone, though — that's a blessing ! But 
 it's not enough — not nearly enough. Why, it's an honour
 
 148 ALL FOOLS 
 
 for a chap like that to be knocked about by a man who 
 keeps a dozen grooms or more — blowed if it isn't ! " 
 
 Then he fell to reviewing the incidents of the evening, 
 and burst into a loud guffaw as he remembered the shaking 
 which the coloured gentleman had suffered at the hands of 
 Mr. Blackstone. And then, for the first time, he saw the 
 whole behaviour of the coloured gentleman in a humorous 
 light, and he laughed until he could laugh no more, but 
 only shake, and gurgle, and squeak ; so that the maid-of-all- 
 work, coming into the room upon some household errand, 
 fully believed that " the master" was in a fit, and fell down 
 the kitchen stairs in her haste to get some water to throw 
 over him. The noise of the maiden's fall sobered Percy 
 somewhat. He staggered to the top of the stairs and 
 asked, with an irresponsible chuckle, if she were much 
 hurt. 
 
 " Nothin' to speak of, sir," was the timid answer; and the 
 maid-of-all-work beat a hasty retreat into the kitchen, 
 locking and barring the door behind her, in the belief that 
 Mr. Percy was " the worse for drink," and would be " up to 
 some of his tricks " in a minute or two. 
 
 But Percy, returning to his arm-chair by the fire-screen, 
 found that this interlude had robbed the jest of all its 
 mirth. The thought of Milly, sobbing herself to sleep up- 
 stairs, smote his heart with a fear lest she should have 
 heard his laughter and misconstrued it. She would think 
 him terribly heartless, he tliought. And she, the aristocratic 
 one of the family, too ! 
 
 Then he remembered how he had upbraided her, only 
 one short week since, with the very thing in which he now 
 gloried — her keeping company with swells. 
 
 " Well, I did it for the best/' he murmured. " One can 
 never tell how things '11 turn out." 
 
 Little did he guess that, but for his upbraidings, Millicent 
 would never have jjledgcd her word to Douglas Lee- 
 Stretton.
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 OF THE STATE OF MISS WOODWARd's FEELINGS TOWARDS 
 HER BETROTHED, AND OF THE UNACCOUNTABLE 
 BEHAVIOUR OF AN INDIAN GENTLEMAN. 
 
 For more than a week after her flight, MiUicent was un- 
 wontedly silent and depressed. Her pale face provoked 
 much comment among her friends at the office. Even the 
 manager, supposed to be hardened against all feminine 
 ailments, asked her if she were not well, and offered her a 
 day or two's holiday. But upon Milly declaring that she 
 iiad never felt better in her life he shrugged his shoulders 
 and went about his business. The other lad)'-clerks, being 
 of a romantic turn of mind, decided among themselves that 
 this altered demeanour was due to a quarrel with " him." 
 But, in spite of sympathetic glances, delicate hints, and 
 even leading questions, they could learn nothing either from 
 Millicent herself or Rose Langley, her confidante, except 
 that she had got rather a headache and thought it must be 
 the weather. When " he," in the person of Mr. Douglas 
 Lee-Stretton, was seen one evening, switching his legs 
 spasmodically before the outer door of the office, the girls 
 were puzzled and a little disappointed. There was no 
 quarrel evidently, or she would never have allowed him to 
 come and meet her after work, and would certainly have 
 scorned to pour out tea for him at a pastrycook's shop 
 across the street. 
 
 As for Mrs. Woodward and Percy, they set down the 
 change in her to reaction from the mental strain of her 
 adventure with Mr. Jones. 
 
 149
 
 ISO ALL FOOLS 
 
 " It's what one might expect," thought Percy. " Why, 
 any girl would have a fit of the blues after a narrow escape 
 like that ! " 
 
 He made it his duty to be at the station each evening, to 
 meet his sister on her return from business and escort her 
 past the lair of her rejected lover. 
 
 But the root of Millicent's trouble was no mere memory. 
 It was something more than a reminiscent shudder at what 
 might have been. A great struggle was going on within 
 her, and her well-being — perhaps her very soul — was 
 concerned in the issue. She fully realised that she could 
 never love Douglas. She might like him, and even feel for him 
 a certain pitying tenderness ; but surely a husband had the 
 right to demand a stronger feeling. 
 
 Her sense of honour and fair play, fostered by a tom- 
 boyish childhood to a growth rare among women, forbade 
 her from breaking her promise, once given, to a man who 
 loved her. Love was a serious matter to her now, although 
 until lately she had scoffed at it as a pleasing but wholly 
 extravagant fiction, invented by poets and noveUsts, partly 
 to give fresh zest to old stories, but chiefly to throw a halo 
 of romance over the, to her, very prosaic and business-like 
 partnership of man and woman in marriage. At last she 
 had come to realise that love was a real and potent fact in 
 life. It may have been that Bunny's passionate pleadings 
 and fervent kisses had awakened something of a like nature 
 in the bosom of his hearer, revealing a depth and power of 
 emotion till then unsuspected. It may have been by this 
 faint stirring of a dormant force within her that she first 
 awoke to the knowledge that Douglas was only a foolish lad, 
 that, intellectually speaking, she could never look upon him 
 quite as an equal, that she had done herself a great wrong in 
 accepting him for a husband. But the promise was given 
 and there was no help for it. 
 
 Had Douglas been a great, powerful fellow, like his friend.
 
 ALL FOOLS 151 
 
 Mr Blackstone, for instance, with the physique of an ancient 
 hero and the disreputable past of a modern, all would have 
 been well ; but as he was^ so colourless, so inanely amiable, 
 Millicent could no more love him than she could hate him. 
 
 She was kind to him, of course, when he came to meet 
 her after office hours. How could she be otherwise, con- 
 sidering the bond between them ? She even had lunch 
 with him as usual on the following Saturday and went 
 with him to the theatre afterwards. But she thwarted 
 his kindly scheme to inveigle her once more into the stalls 
 by exclaiming that she had lost her glove and sending him 
 back to the hansom to look for it. And, when he returned 
 from his fruitless quest, it was to find that Milly, with both 
 her gloves on, had purchased two tickets for the upper circle. 
 
 He was very angty : that goes without saying. Still, 
 there was something pleasant in being her guest for once. 
 It showed that she was beginning to take an owner's interest 
 in him, and he flattered himself accordingly. As for Milly, 
 she by no means ex[)erienced that fulness of enjoyment 
 which had made the first fateful Saturday of their engage- 
 ment so delightful. Then Douglas was an unknown 
 quantity, fraught with flirtatious possibiHties. Now the 
 limits of his character were but too well known to her. 
 
 She could not help thinking how nice it would have been 
 but for that weak, ever-to-be-regretted promise of hers. As 
 a rule she preferred the society of the opposite sex. More- 
 over she had a pet theory of her own with regard to the 
 practicability of ]jlatonic friendships with young men — a 
 theory which had always been disproved in her own case, 
 owing to the too great susceptibility of her male ac- 
 quaintance. Still, she clung to this theory of hers with all 
 the tenacity or pigheadedness of her sex, and the thought of 
 the pleasure she could have derived from Bunny as a 
 platonic friend only made her resent the more the present 
 sentimental state of affairs.
 
 152 ALL FOOLS 
 
 If only she had had the presence of mind to say in answer to 
 his proposal, " No, I do not love you, but I will carry on a 
 sisterly flirtation with you and you can treat me to lunches 
 and theatres just the same," all would have been well. As 
 his adopted sister, she could have given him good advice and 
 would certainly have taken pains to convince him of the 
 folly and absurdity of many of his ways. As it was, know, 
 ing that she ought to cultivate a feeling of wifely reverence, 
 she was painfully aware that there was nothing whatever to 
 revere. 
 
 After the play, they had tea together at a shop in the 
 Strand, and Bunny drove her home in a hansom. Having 
 submitted to his farewell kiss, she ran indoors, her brain a 
 turmoil of conflicting emotions. 
 
 Jane was standing on a chair in the hall, when her young 
 mistress entered, engaged in the task of lighting the hall 
 lamp. Startled by the opening of the door she jumped 
 clumsily to the ground, extinguishing the taper in her 
 descent. 
 
 " Lor', 'oo is it ! " she exclaimed, peering into the gloom 
 with mouth agape. " Why, Miss Milly, 'ow you did startle 
 me to be sure! There's company in the dinin'-room, miss." 
 
 Millicent, whose only wish was to betake herself with all 
 speed to her own bedroom, was preparing to push Jane 
 aside, when the door of the dining-room opened, illumining 
 the passage with a flood of light. 
 
 '•' Is that you, Mil ? " 
 
 "Yes, Percy." 
 
 " I've got a friend of yours in here," said her brother, 
 with an air of mystery ; " you might step in and say ' how 
 d'ye do.' " 
 
 Milly drew near to him, trembling. 
 
 "Oh, Percy, it isn't Mr. Jones, is it ?" she whispered, her 
 hand on his sleeve. 
 
 " Jones ! I should rather think not," cried Percy, with
 
 ALL FOOLS 153 
 
 a loud guffaw. " If that fellow Jones ever darkens this 
 door again, I'll give him what for. Come in, and see 
 for yourself." 
 
 Milly caught herself trembling again, as she thought that 
 it might be Mr. Blackstone — a visitor scarcely less disturbing 
 than Harry Jones to her then state of mind, 'i hen she 
 entered the dining-room, to find herself in the presence 
 of Brown Geegee. 
 
 The coloured gentleman rose from his chair and, laying 
 his left hand on his heart, made her a low bow. He wore 
 his long overcoat, his red tie, and his boots of patent-leather. 
 His top-hat adorned the sideboard, his teeth gleamed, and 
 his face puckered to a grin as he held out his hand to 
 Millicent, leering at her out of the corners of his eyes. 
 
 " How are you to-day ? " he asked, squeezing her hand 
 needlessly. '•' I am come here this evening to see my 
 honourable friend, Mr. Woodward, and also to inquire 
 whether your health is very much damaged from the 
 event of last Saturday." 
 
 " Thank you, I am quite well," she said coldly. 
 
 She resented his pressure of her hand more than words 
 could express. 
 
 " I rejoice to hear it ! " cried Brown Geegee effusively. 
 " If ever I tumble over that wicked-bad devil Jones again, 
 I will cut his dam-evil throat with my pocket-knife." 
 
 She said haughtily, " I must ask you not to speak of 
 Mr. Jones in that way. He was once a friend of ours." 
 
 Brown Geegee veered round at once. 
 
 *' Ah, I forgot. Then he is my friend too. I will 
 hasten to clasp his hand in friendship." 
 
 Millicent could not repress a smile. Percy laughed 
 outright. 
 
 " I don't think you need do that, Mr. Geegee," he said. 
 " Though he is — or rather, has been — ' in the happy days 
 of yore,' as the poet so humorously puts it — a friend of
 
 154 ALL FOOLS 
 
 ours, there's precious little love lost between us at 
 the present moment." 
 
 " Ha," ejaculated Brown Geegee, for want of anything 
 better to say, and his teeth gleamed and sparkled with 
 comprehension. 
 
 "Our friend Mr. Geegee has kindly consented to stay 
 to supper, Mil," said Percy, with some dignity. 
 
 " Indeed ! " she rejoined coldly. " I'm afraid I must 
 ask him to excuse me. I have a headache, and shall get 
 Jane to take me up a cup of tea to my bedroom." 
 
 " Oh ! " exclaimed Brown Geegee, rolling his eyes 
 horribly ; "you have a headache? Then I will not stay to 
 supper. It is not agreeable when one is ill to have a 
 strange fellow in the house. I will immediately withdraw 
 myself." 
 
 " No, no, Mr. Geegee," protested Percy, rubbing his 
 hands and bubbling over with hospitality. " Please don't 
 go on Mil's account. Her bedroom's right at the top of 
 the house, so we sha'n't disturb her. We'll have a cosy 
 evening down here, just you and me together." 
 
 " Yes, I will stay," said the coloured gentleman, after a 
 thoughtful pause, during which his grimaces were frightful 
 to witness ; "I will stay until Miss Woodward is quite 
 well. I have many things to say to her." 
 
 Milly stared at him in amazement and disgust. 
 
 " Good-night, Mr. Geegee," she said curtly. 
 
 " Good-night — a very excellent good-night," said Brjwn 
 Geegee, kissing his hand and leering like a brazen idol. 
 " I hope that you will sleep very well. I desire that you 
 may have the most delightful, nice dreams ; but before you 
 go to sleep, I beg you to come down and see me for a little 
 minute. You are a good girl, and I love you. Good-night." 
 
 Percy fled into the passage to indulge in a juivate burst of 
 laughter. Millicent strode haughtily to the door. Upon 
 the threshold she turned and surveyed the coloured gentle-
 
 ALL FOOLS 155 
 
 man with a glance that would have frozen the native of a 
 less tropical clime ; but Geegee only grinned, murmuring : 
 
 " Good-night. Nice dreams." 
 
 " Is Mr. Blackstone well ? " she lingered to ask. 
 
 The militiaman had ahvays appeared to her as Brown 
 Geegee's master or keeper, and she was curious to know by 
 what means the coloured gentleman had escaped his 
 vigilance. 
 
 " Yes, he is well," said Brown Geegee, with a snarl ; " he 
 is always well ; he has the health of a satan elephant. I 
 wish he would die. He assaults me at all times without 
 my permission. He persecutes me, and makes me very 
 angry. Then he laughs. He is my good friend, and 
 I love him ; but even little evil worms will turn one day." 
 
 Millicent was quite frightened by the vehemence of this 
 reply to what she had deemed a natural and harmless 
 question. She began to look upon the coloured gentleman 
 as a madman, and longed to escape from his presence ; but 
 sounds of convulsive laughter still came fiom the passage, 
 and she felt it her duty, in the cause of common politeness, 
 to withdraw the visitor's attention from Percy's doings. 
 
 Brown Geegee continued, with ever-increasing volubility : 
 
 "Yes, even little nasty worms will turn. Listen, and I 
 will tell you. This afternoon, Blackstone and I together, 
 we went out to look for the Germans. We went to a little 
 restaurant — ugh, it was a filth-unsavoury place. Then 
 Blackstone said to me : ' Go in and ask questions.' And I 
 answered, 'No,' but he made me go in all the same. I had 
 some tea, and then I came out again ; but I had not asked 
 any questions, so he threatened to wring my neck. Then 
 we came to another restaurant, and he told me to go in 
 there too. But I said, 'No,' and got very angry; and he 
 cursed me and called me a fool, and said that I was spoil- 
 ing it all. Then I said that I would go home and resume 
 my studie>. And he said ' Go,' and, moreover, he called
 
 156 ALL FOOLS 
 
 me a dam-satan ass into the bargain. Ha ! Even little 
 nasty worms will turn." 
 
 " Ask Mr. Geegee to excuse me one minute, Mil ! " cried 
 Percy from the passage ; " I'll go upstairs and get ready for 
 supper ! " 
 
 " But if you wanted to go back to your work, why did 
 you come here, of all places ? " asked Milly, mystified and 
 a little amused. 
 
 " Ah," said Geegee, with a singularly offensive leer. 
 " You ask me why I come here ? Listen, and I will tell you ! 
 You are a good girl, Miss Woodward. Moreover, you are 
 very beautiful, and Bunny loves you, I love you, everybody 
 loves you ! I think — I feel quite sure — that Blackstone is 
 beginning to love you too. So I came round to tell you 
 the tale of how he treats me, to inform you what a foolish- 
 satan man BlackstOne is ; to warn you against that wicked- 
 devil fellow, and to ask you to keei) your nice, sweet, beauti- 
 ful sugar-caresses for Bunny and me! Oh, confound it all!" 
 
 The last words were uttered in the disappointment of the 
 moment, when Brown Geegee suddenly realised that he 
 was haranguing an empty doorway. He sank back in his 
 chair with a prolonged Hindustani curse, picked up his 
 cane, and began sucking its ivory handle for consolation. 
 In this posture and occupation Percy found him when, a 
 minute later, he returned to the dining-room ; and, as he 
 knew nothing of what had passed in his absence, he was at 
 a loss to account for the sudden change in his visitor's 
 manner. 
 
 Brown Geegee was very surly and snappish all supper- 
 time. He quarrelled as far as politeness would allow, and 
 further, with his victuals, sniffed at the beer, and nearly 
 broke the tender heart of the little maid-of-all-work, by 
 sneering openly at the pudding. In short, he made himself 
 so generally disagreeable that Percy had the keenest 
 satisfaction in bidding him farewell.
 
 ALL FOOLS 157 
 
 " I hope he'll never come again," said Milly, at break- 
 fast, next morning. " He's mad — I'm sure he is ! " 
 
 " He certainly is the rummest card I ever set eyes on," 
 Percy ngreed. And his thoughts ran in the same groove, 
 as he smoked a Sunday-morning series of pipes, while his 
 sister was at church. 
 
 From the evening of Brown Geegee's visit forward, 
 Millicent recovered her good spirits. Her friends at the 
 office asserted, in spite of proof to the contrary, that it was 
 because she had made it up with " him." Percy and her 
 mother were of opinion that she had forgotten the Harry 
 Jones episode. But the true secret of the change lay 
 buried deep in her own unfathomable, feminine heart, and 
 remains a secret to this day. 
 
 Often, when the weather was fine, she would return from 
 the city upon the lop of an omnibus ; and more than once 
 from this point of vantage, she descried the commanding 
 form of Blackstone and the cringing figure of Brown 
 Geegee, lurking in the neighbourhood of some foreign 
 eating-house. She was kept informed of their movements 
 by Bunny, and always listened with vivid interest, even 
 after all excitement as to the possible capture of the 
 Germans was past. 
 
 Blackstone's perseverance was wond<^rful. With Brown 
 Geegee in attendance, he haunted the purlieus of Hammer- 
 smith and Fulham every evening for the space of two months 
 without coming across the slightest clue ; and, undoubtedly, 
 this search served, in the absence of his dogs, to keep him 
 out of mischief. He felt that, in this hunt for the Germans, 
 he was not only trying to avenge Bunny, but also, indirectly, 
 to serve Miss Woodward, who might well be supposed to 
 have Bunny's interests at heart. 
 
 A' great change was taking place in the militiaman's 
 character. He was becoming daily more gentle and, at the 
 same time, more reserved. Even Brown Geegee had less
 
 158 ALL FOOLS 
 
 cause to complain of his treatment, and the future turning 
 of worms was seldom mentioned between them. The 
 education of the bull-pup, which he destined for Millicent, 
 was a constant anxiety to him ; and the luckless groom, 
 charged with its training, received a letter from his young 
 master almost every morning for a month. 
 
 Sammy, the little old tutor, snorted and sniffed with 
 satisfaction whenever Blackstone asked leave to withdraw to 
 his own room for private study, little dreaming that the 
 study of a much-thumbed, veterinary authority on the 
 breeding and rearing of dogs was implied. 
 
 But, in proportion as Blackstone grew calmer and more 
 settled, Bunny became daily more restless and uneasy. He de- 
 veloped a passion for lonely walks, and would often neglect 
 bis work, in order to indulge this new propensity of his. 
 Truth to tell, his mind was ill at ease. Each day brought 
 him nearer to the summer vacation, and the necessity of 
 keeping his engagement a secret from the home people was 
 a burden upon his conscience. The prospect of parting 
 with Milly for six long weeks, without even the consolation 
 of seeing her hand-writing, was not a pleasant one. He 
 dared not run the gauntlet of the questions which his 
 father, his mother, and above all his sister, were sure to ask 
 if he received letters in a feminine hand. He would be sure 
 to blush and stammer in his answers, and they would guess 
 his secret. However, in eight months' time he would be 
 twenty-one ; and then, in the first flush of manly independ- 
 ence, he would marry Millicent, writing the very same day 
 to tell his father of the event. 
 
 He thought at one time of asking his father's leave to 
 remain in London during the holidays. He even began a 
 dutiful letter to that effect. But Sammy cut the ground 
 from under his feet by taking a house at Broadstairs for five 
 weeks. Brown Geegee, likewise, having no relations in 
 England, was bound for Broadstairs at Mrs. Thompson's
 
 ALL FOOLS 159 
 
 pressing invitation. She thought the coloured genileman 
 "a dear, docile creature," making him useful in many little 
 ways. Blackstone proposed to spend August with his 
 father and his dogs in the country; and the day-pupils 
 would, in the ordinary course of events, join their parents 
 at various watering-places. The house in Kensington was 
 to be shut up and left in charge of a caretaker. So, when 
 the time came, Bunny was forced, whether he would or no, 
 to seek the shelter of the parental roof tree, feeling happy 
 as a schoolboy who leaves his mother for the first time.
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 IN WHICH MISS WOODWARD IS DELIGHTED, AND HER 
 BROTHER CONFOUNDED, BY THE GIFT OF A YOUNG 
 BULL-DOG. 
 
 On a sunny morning in mid-August, Millicent was sitting 
 at her mother's bed side, reading such extracts from the 
 newspaper as she thought likely to enliven the invalid. It 
 was the first day of her yearly holiday, and the knowledge 
 that a whole week's idleness lay before her lent a cheerful 
 note to her voice, very pleasant to hear. When she had 
 waded through the column called Fashionable Intelligence, 
 she asked : 
 
 " Shall I go on, mother, or are you tired ? " 
 
 "We haven't had any deaths yet, dear," said Mrs. Wood- 
 ward cheerily. "Surely somebody of importance has 
 died ? " 
 
 "There's the usual column of biiths, marriages, and 
 deaths. I'll read through the names, if you like." 
 
 "No, no," said her mother, with an impatient gesture. 
 " I don't care a rap about Brown, Jones, and Smith ! Look 
 for the death of someone interesting, dear ! " 
 
 Millicent rustled and re-folded the paper, but in vain. 
 Glancing over the last page, she said : 
 
 " 1 can't find anything, mother." 
 
 The invalid murmured peevishly : 
 
 " Dear me ! What a stupid paper ! " 
 
 " Stay ! Here's a paragraph," exclaimed Milly. " ' Death 
 of a well-known sportsman.' " 
 
 1 60
 
 ALL FOOLS l6l 
 
 " Read about him by all means, dear ! We must make 
 the best of him, I suppose." 
 
 Milly folded the paper and began : 
 
 " 'We regret to record the death of — oh, mother ! " 
 
 She let fall the paper, pressing her hand to her forehead 
 distractedly. 
 
 " Well ? Go on, dear ! Why, what's the matter with the 
 girl ? " 
 
 " It's the father of that nice Mr. Blackstone I told you 
 about — who helped me, that night, you remember ! I am 
 so sorry for him ! " 
 
 "Ah, you don't say so? Dear, dear! How very 
 shocking ! " murmured Mrs. Woodward, with unction. 
 " Please read me all about it. It is so much more interest- 
 ing when one knows something of the people." 
 
 Millicent picked up the paper again and read ; but the 
 note of cheerfulness was silenced, as a linnot in the shadow 
 of the hawk, and her voice rang dull and listless witliout it. 
 
 "'We regret to record the death of Sir Nicholas Black- 
 stone, baronet, who died suddenly, yesterday morning, at 
 his residence, Wulborough Hall, Wiltshire. The deceased 
 was a keen sportsman of the old, bluff, hard-riding school, 
 and his death leaves a gap in the sporting life of his county 
 which can never be re-filled. He was educated at Harrow 
 and Cambridge, succeeding his father as 6th baronet in 
 1 86 1. His only son, the present Sir Arthur Blackstone, is 
 a lieutenant of militia. The funeral will take place at 
 Wulborough Churchyard on Wednesday at one o'clock.' " 
 
 '*'Ah, very interesting — very interesting indeed," mur- 
 mured Mrs. Woodward, as her daughter laid down the 
 paper. " Sixth baronet, did you say ? Quite an old family ! 
 I hope you will bring Mr. Blackstone — I beg his pardon. 
 Sir Arthur — up to see me when next he calls ! " 
 
 " I think it unlikely that he will call again," said Millicent, 
 with a hint of sadness in her tone. " He will have so much 
 
 L
 
 I 62 ALL FOOLS 
 
 to think of; ami besides, he is sure to have forgotten all 
 about us by now. He will leave Mr. Thompson's at once, 
 I should think. But I shall find out for certain from 
 Douglas, when he comes back from his holidays." 
 
 " That Douglas of yours is a perfect ninny ! " said Mrs. 
 Woodward, with peevish candour. " I've no patience with 
 him. What you see in that rabbit-mouthed boy to make a 
 fuss about, is more than I or anyone else can imagine. 
 Now, if it had been Mr. Blackstone, a full-grown man, 
 handsome, and of really good family, I could have under- 
 stood it better. Why, you're not going to lea\e me, 
 dear?" 
 
 Her daughter had risen, and was standing with her back 
 to the bed, one hand plucking nervously at the fringe of 
 the counterpane. 
 
 " Yes, I think I shall go now, mother, if you don't mind. 
 I have some sewing to do." 
 
 " Well, you can bring your sewing down here, I suppose ? " 
 said her mother petulantly — "and then you can tell me all 
 about Mr. Blackstone and the Indian prince ! " 
 
 Millicent decHned this invitation somewhat hastily, saying 
 that she had to do the cutting out of her new blouse, and 
 would on no account make her mother's room in a mess 
 with the shreds and strips of stuff. 
 
 " Well, of all the obstinate girls, commend n)e to 
 Millicent ! " thought Mrs. Woodward, turning upon her 
 pillow. With that, she jncked up the novel which she had 
 been reading before her daughter came in, and was soon 
 lost to all else in the world. 
 
 Milly ran upstairs to her own bedroom, and locked the 
 door behind her. There she remained until one o'clock, 
 when she went down to her mother's room to dinner. All 
 the bloom and freshness were gone from her holiday. 
 Listlessness and a tired, wistful look in her eyes betokened 
 that all was not well with her. She ate little and spoke
 
 ALL FOOLS 163 
 
 less. But Mrs. Woodward paid no heed to these symptoms 
 of distress. Propped among her pillows, with her plate 
 upon her knees, and her novel in her more immediate lap, 
 she was a living plea for the possibility of doing two things 
 at once. She looked up for a minute with a slight frown, 
 disturbed by the clatter of plates, when Jane came to take 
 away the dinner things. 
 
 " Jane ! How clumsy you are to day ! " she cried testily. 
 — " Do you know, Millicent, there is a character in this 
 bock who reminds me very much of your friend, Mr. 
 Blackstone — I beg his pardon. Sir Arthur ! Just such 
 another handsome devil-may-care young fellow ! You 
 must really bring him to see me, next time he calls." 
 
 Rising hastily from her chair, Millicent announced her 
 intention of going out for a walk. 
 
 " Very well, dear. Do as you like." 
 
 Her mother was once more lost in her novel. 
 
 The loneliness of her walk in the sunshine and the fresh 
 air had the effect of a tonic for Millicent. She lingered 
 upon Hammersmith Bridge, and, heedless of the passers- 
 by, leaned over the parapet, watching the water as it 
 swirled and eddied between the piers. Beyond the squalid 
 houses of the riverside, the square tower of Hammersmith 
 Church tapered up into the sky. There was bustle among 
 the wharves of the left bank about the loading of some 
 lighters and a wherry. The hoarse rattle of a crane 
 culminating in a prolonged roar, the shouts of men, the 
 clank of chains rang out full-toned and mellow across the 
 water. A tug came fussing round the bend from Putney, 
 puffing and snorting, with a train of dingy barges in tow, 
 leaving a mighty wash to either bank. A man on one of 
 the barges, clad in a red jersey, was singing cheerily at the 
 top of his voice. 
 
 How could any girl be selfishly unhappy amid this eager 
 bustle and iium of life ? A fresh breeze blew in her face
 
 164 ALL FOOLS 
 
 with a dash of salt in it. The river danced and sparkled to 
 her out of the soft, grey haze. She went home with 
 heightened colour and a lighter step. Percy, upon his 
 return from the bank, kissed her wiih a new pride, declaring 
 that he had never seen her look so well. But we mortals 
 depend in great measure upon the sun for our spirits, and 
 it needed only a rainy day to bring back all Millicent's 
 despondency. 
 
 On Saturday afternoon, the last day of her holiday — for 
 Sunday, of course, did not count — as she was sitting with 
 Percy in the dining-room, there came a knock at the door. 
 
 " It's a chap dressed in black," said her brother, going to 
 the window ; " and he's got something under his arm. A 
 tradesman cadging for orders, I shouldn't wonder — or else 
 an advertisement ! " 
 
 Millicent remembered, not witliout confusion, that she 
 had given Jane a holiday to go and see her mother, that the 
 task of answering ihe door therefore devolved upon herself. 
 She made haste to put off the dainty apron which she wore 
 in her capacity of housekeeper. The knock being repeated, 
 she clapped her hands to her hair in an agony of arrange- 
 ment, and ran to the door. She looked out cauti- 
 ously. 
 
 " Does Miss Woodward live 'ere, please ? " 
 
 The speaker was a bandy-legged young man of whole- 
 some, bucolic appearance. He was clad in a decent suit 
 of black, which he wore with all the uneasiness of his Sunday 
 best. With one arm he clasped a peculiarly hideous, 
 sullen-looking bull- dog. 
 
 " Oh ! " exclaimed Milly, fascinated by the ugliness of 
 his burden, which regarded her drowzily with half-closed 
 eyes, its head resting upon its fore-paws, its hind legs 
 dangling helpless. So astounded was she at sight of the 
 dog that she forgot for the moment to reply to the man's 
 question. He waited stolidly for his answer.
 
 ALL FOOLS 165 
 
 " Oh, I beg your pardon ! " she said, at length recovering 
 her surprise. " I am Miss Woodward." 
 
 " I beg your pardon, miss," said the youth, pulHng his 
 forelock. " 1 wouldn't 've made so free if I'd known who 
 you was. Sir Arthur's compliments, and would you 
 accept — " 
 
 " Do, please, come in and sit down ! " cried Milly, in a 
 sudden gush of hospitality. '• And bring the dear little 
 dog with you." 
 
 The man complied, brushing his boots with great care 
 upon the mat and twirling his hat nervously in his hand. 
 Millicent ushered him into the dining-room. 
 
 " This is my brother," she said simply. 
 
 The man touched his forehead to Percy, murmured, "My 
 service to you, sir," and stood awkwardly, shifting his 
 weight and that of the puppy from one foot to the other. 
 
 " Please sit down ! " said Milly, pushing forward an arm- 
 chair. 
 
 "Thank ye kindly, miss," he replied, taking a more 
 modest and less comfortable seat. 
 
 At first sight of the bull-pup's face, Percy had edged 
 away to the farthest corner of the room, on the princii)le 
 that " distance lends enchantment to the view." Having 
 entrenched himself behind the writing-table in the window, 
 he hazarded a timid "good dog," and, finding that the 
 puppy took no notice, grew bolder and said " Did 'ems ! " 
 quite loud. 
 
 "'E won't bite, sir," said the groom reassuringly, so that 
 Percy for very shame was bound to sally forth from his 
 stronghold. 
 
 The man began again, " As I was sayin', miss, Sir 
 Arthur's compliments, and will you accept this 'ere pup as 
 a little present from 'im ? " 
 
 " Oh, how good of him ! " she said, reaching forward to 
 pat the ugly head in a way that made her brother's blood
 
 1 66 ALL FOOLS 
 
 run cold. "Will you give him to me to hold, please, Mr. 
 —Mr.—" 
 
 "No, miss," the groom corrected her, with a grin, as he 
 transferred the puppy to her arms. " Bill, that's what I'm 
 called. Just Bill, miss. No mister nor nothin' o' that sort. 
 I 'ope I knows my place. If I might make so bold, miss, 
 I'd recommend you not to fondle 'im overmuch. It makes 
 'em lazy and sickly." 
 
 Millicent put down the puppy upon the carpet. It 
 looked up sleepily into her face, with head cocked at an 
 inquiring angle, a single tooth, overlapping the upper lip, 
 adding to its ugliness ; then it trolted off upon a tour of 
 inspection. 
 
 Percy, his face ghastly pale, had barely presence of mind 
 to murmur, " Oh, good dog, good dog ! Poor old fellow ! " 
 as the puppy sniffed about his legs. "Lie dov/n, good 
 dog!" 
 
 To his great surprise the puppy actually obeyed, curling 
 itself contentedly at his feet. This was quite the most 
 embarrassing course that the brute could have taken. 
 FeeUng that a hostile eye was upon him, criti<:ising all his 
 movements with intent to bite, Percy sat very still and lield 
 his breath. At length Millicent held out a hand to his 
 relief, saying coaxingly, "Come here, puppy!" The dog 
 gathered itself togetlier, looked up with moist eyes into 
 Percy's pale face, and then trotted with clumsy deliberation 
 to its new mistress, whose hand it essayed forthwith to lick. 
 
 Mr. Woodward uttered a sigh of rc:lief, and fell to twirling 
 his moustache with endless ferocity. 
 
 "How did you leave the bart. ?" he asked, turning to 
 Bill. 
 
 " Beg pardon, sir ? " was the puzzled reply. 
 
 " How did you leave Sir Arthur?" Millicent explained, 
 fondling the puppy's head. 
 
 " Very 'earty, thank ye, miss. Was in a great takin' about
 
 ALL FOOLS 167 
 
 master's death, but since the funeral, 'e seems more like 
 'is old self." 
 
 " I suppose he will not be coming to London again to 
 study?" said Milly, gazing at the puppy's unsightly face 
 with a far-away look in her eyes. 
 
 " 'E's goin' back to 'is tutor's in a month's time, miss. 
 Why, it was only yesterday 'a said to me, as I was swillin' 
 out the loose-box, 'Bill,' says 'e, 'I want more book-learnin'. 
 A baronet,' says 'e, * ought to know pretty well everything. 
 So I'll go back to Sammy's ' — that's what he calls 'is tutor, 
 miss — 'for a term or two. But,' says 'e, 'don't you think 
 I'm goin' into the army, because I'm not ! " 
 
 Millicent thanked the honest rustic for his information ; 
 while Percy, his eyes closed, basked in the rays of a bart.'s 
 friendship. "My friend, Sir Arthur Blackstone, Bart." 
 How well it sounded. His colleagues at the bank would 
 turn livid with envy. To his mind's eye there was a halo 
 about the bullet-head of the groom. Indeed, the whole 
 dining-room shone with a new and awe-inspiring light, and 
 even the puppy was glorified in the transmuted radiance of 
 his titled donor. "Sent a groom up to our place on 
 Saturday, he did, with a present of a valuable dog for my 
 sister." He longed for Monday to come, tliat the bank 
 might be thrilled to its foundations. 
 
 " I must be goin' now, miss," said the groom, rising, and 
 again touching his forehead. " I was to catch the five- 
 thirty from Paddington." 
 
 " Do have a glass of beer before you go," said Percy, 
 rising also. 
 
 He felt that he owed a debt of gratitude to the man, who 
 had called him "sir" several times, and had touched his 
 forehead to him once. 
 
 Bill looked modestly at the brim of his hat. 
 
 " Well, I don't mind if I do, sir."
 
 l68 ALL FOOLS 
 
 Perc}' rang the bell in his grand way ; but Milly took the 
 wind out his sails, saying : 
 
 " I don't think Jane is back yet. I'll go and see about it 
 myself. Come along, little dog. What is his name, Mr. 
 — I beg your pardon — Bill ? " 
 
 " Sir Arthur left the namin' of 'im to you, miss." 
 
 "Well, I think I shall call him Sambo. He looks like 
 Sambo, don't you think ? " 
 
 " I can't say, miss — never 'avin' seen one, to my know- 
 ledge ! " 
 
 " Well, come along, Sambo," said Milly, making towards 
 the door. 
 
 " No, no, miss, I couldn't think of allowing you to take 
 the trouble," said the groom, with the dignity of one who 
 knows his own place and other people's. '^ It'd make me 
 right ashamed, that it would." 
 
 There was no cause for further protest, for at that 
 moment Jane appeared in the doorway, in her hat and cape, 
 panting and breathless. 
 
 " Bring up a bottle of beer and a tumbler," said Percy, 
 with the air of a Wellington at Waterloo. 
 
 " If you don't mind, sir — I could take it ju^t as well in 
 the kitchen, sir," said Bill, again touching his forehead. 
 
 Percy was on the point of protesting, but Millicent fore- 
 stalled him, by commending the groom in warmest terms to 
 the hospitality of the little maid-of-all-work. Jane grinned 
 all over her face, wiping her hands excitedly upon a corner 
 of her cape, in the absence of an apron. She so seldom 
 had any company in the kitchen, that she hardly knew how 
 to behave. He seemed such a respectable young man, too, 
 that she felt quite taken aback. 
 
 " Thank ye, m.iss," said the groom, bowing himself out of 
 the room. " Good-day, sir. I 'ope the pup '11 give satis- 
 faction, miss. I've took some pains with the trainin' of 
 'im. Get back, Sambo,"
 
 ALL FOOLS 169 
 
 He shut the door just in time to stop the dog, who 
 showed a sudden desire to follow his old friend, even to the 
 lower regions. 
 
 '"I wonder what we ought to feed him on!" Millicent 
 exclaimed, when she and her brother were alone together. 
 " I must write to Mr. Blackstone this very evening and 
 thank him." 
 
 The puppy was sniffing at Percy's trouser-le.;, in a way 
 which made the unhappy inmate tremble. He could only 
 falter : 
 
 "Don't give him meat, whatever you do. It makes 'em 
 fierce. Dog-biscuit's the thing. I'll go and buy some, as 
 soon as the wretched brute thinks fit to leave me alone." 
 
 " Wretched brute, indeed," she cried indignantly, making 
 as if she would pick up the dog and clasp it to her breast, 
 which were consolation enough for any ill that dog or man 
 could suffer. " He's the sweetest dog in all the world. — Did 
 'ems call 'ems yetched boot, den, did 'ems ? — Have you 
 noticed what a queer, waggish expression he has, Percy ? " 
 
 " He has the face of the devil himself," said Percy im- 
 pressively. Whereupon she chid him for his wickedness in 
 no measured terms, and, all the time that he was ranging 
 the streets in search of dog-biscuit, she did her best to 
 make up for his rudeness to her new pet, by assuring the 
 puppy repeatedly, in the language sacred to lovers, babies, 
 cats and dogs, that he was "ye uvliest ickle pet'ems in all 
 ye world, zat he was."
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 IN WHICH EVERYONE, EXCEPT MR. SAMUEL THOMPSON, IS 
 OBSEQUIOUS UPON THE ARRIVAL OF A BARONET. 
 
 On a ceitain rainy afternoon tovv'ards the end of September, 
 an unwonted flutter of excitement pervaded Mr. Samuel 
 Thompson's house from roof to basement. Maid-servants 
 kept hurrying up and dowii stair?, to and from a certain 
 room on the topmo'^t storey, which, to judge by the amount 
 of time and labour expended upon it, should have been the 
 most cleanly and the best-ordered chamber in all London. 
 
 A history lecture was going forward in the class-room — 
 the lecturer, an earnest young man fn-isli from the Uni- 
 versity, and new to the wa;, s of a crammi.r'.s pupils, being 
 somewhat hampered in his speech by tiie cloud of tobacco- 
 smoke from six sturdy pipes and the coughing engendered 
 thereby. Brown Geegee, Bunny, and, in a lesser degree, 
 the rest of th; pupils, gave no heed to the lecturer's em- 
 barrassment. Tiiey thought nothin'^ of his learned and 
 eloquent eulogy of the British Constitution. Smoking their 
 briars in short, excited puffs, they listened for every sound 
 of wheels in the street without, glancing expectantly at the 
 door from time to time. 
 
 JMrs. Thompson sat at her writing-table by the dining- 
 room window, her eyes wandering from the open book 
 before iier to the street, and from the street back a;^ain to 
 the printed page. The book was the baronetage and 
 knightage of England by one Debrett, the street was 'I'enby 
 Gardens, South Kensington, which was that day to witness 
 
 170
 
 ALL FOOLS 171 
 
 the arrival of a walking, talking excerpt from the aforesaid 
 volume at Mr. Samuel Thompson's house. Sammy alone 
 of all the household was quite unmoved by the bustle and 
 stir around him. In his study, dozing in an arm-chair by 
 the window, a musty old volume upon his knee, he heard 
 the commotion, as if it were a faint echo from another and 
 a baser world, not caring to inquire its cause or meaning. 
 
 If twenty baronets had invaded the study, each one 
 holding out a blood-red hand to the shaking, Sammy would 
 not have been in the least surprised. He would have 
 shaken hands all round with a snort and a sniff, would have 
 called them "nice, gentlemanly young fellows," would 
 possibly have warned them ag:'inst the dangers of "chronic 
 alcoholism," and would at last, without doubt, have offered 
 to each of them a cigar. Then he would have dismissed 
 them courteously, and, returning to his book, would cer- 
 tainly have forgotten all about them. 
 
 His study was his kingdom, and within its narrow bounds 
 he held absolute sway. The little room, entirely surrounded 
 with books, had an uncanny look seen in the rain-blurred 
 light of that September afternoon — a look that would have 
 brought him to the stake, had his lot been cast in the 
 Middle Ages. The dust lay thick upon the shelves — for 
 Sammy would have died sooner than allow a servant, and 
 that a female, to finger his treasures — so that each volume 
 sent forth a pungent cloud, when he opened and shut it with 
 a bang, previous to examining the contents. A small step- 
 ladder leaned in a corner of the wall, by aid of which the 
 little old bookworm could reach to the very topmost shelves. 
 An industrious colony of spiders had veiled the nooks and 
 corners of the room with silken drapery of a delicate mouse- 
 colour, and festoons of cobwebs, broken in places, hung 
 from shelf to shelf. 
 
 In the early days of her married life Mrs. Thompson had 
 waged hot war against this untidiness, declaring, with tears
 
 1/2 ALL FOOLS 
 
 in her voice, that it was a disgrace to the house. Once, 
 when her husband had gone out book-hunting for the day, 
 she had invaded the sanctum, followed by two maids, 
 armed with duster, scrubbing-Srush, and broom. She had 
 herself spent six hours in tidying books and papers, while 
 her followers performed the menial tasks of sweeping, 
 dusting, and scrubbing. Viewing her finished handiwork 
 with arms akimbo, she had said, " How nice and tidy it 
 looks ! How pleased Samuel will be ! " 
 
 But Mr. Thompson, on his return, became suddenly 
 transformed. Instead of a docile, inoffensive little book- 
 worm, there was a raging maniac in the house. All bis 
 books were disarranged, he said, which was nonsense, seeing 
 that she had spent a whole day in arranging them ; he 
 could not find the papers he wanted ; he was a stranger in 
 his own den. 
 
 All this had affected Mrs. Thompson deeply. " I am 
 sure I meant it for the best, Samuel," she had faltered 
 between her sobs. " I declare I'll never meddle with your 
 horrid, cruel room again ! " And, much to her husband's 
 comfort, she kept her word, having first extorted from him a 
 promise that he would do a little dusting now and then upon 
 his own account. He had accepted the duster she gave 
 hini with many thanks, and had fort'iwith dropped it to the 
 bottom of the waste-paper basket, whence ii; had been 
 emptied into the dust-bin, together with a mountain of 
 paper, by a careless maid. 
 
 About five o'clock a knock sounded upon the front-door, 
 and the whole house seemed to answer the summons. The 
 uproar penetrated even to the study, causing Sammy to 
 move uneasily in his chair with a snort of disdain. 
 
 " I suppose Susan is having a tea-party," he muttered. 
 " I am very busy. I cannot possibly leave my work." 
 
 He repeated the last two sentences in the tone of an 
 actor rehearsing his part. His wife's tea-fights were the
 
 ALL FOOLS 173 
 
 terror of his life. When someone knocked at the door of 
 the study, his worst fears seemed reahsed. His knees 
 trembled so that the volume fell from them on to the floor, 
 closing with a loud report. 
 
 " Er — come in," he muttered with a sniff; adding, under 
 his breath, " I am very busy ; I cannot possibly leave my 
 work," much as a saint of old murmured a text or prayer in 
 presence of the evil one. 
 
 But no charm was needed in this case. The evil one 
 was, to Sammy's mind, an essentially feminine principle, 
 and the figure which now entered the room was in every 
 way manly. Peering through the gloom, with the aid of 
 his nippers, the tutor di^scried the imposing form of his 
 pupil, Blackstone. 
 
 *' How-do-you-do, sir ? " said the militiaman, shaking his 
 tutor warmly by the hand. 
 
 " Er — very well, thank you. How are you ? " said the 
 tutor, going through his whole gamut of snorts in the relief 
 of the moment. " You are a nice gentlemanly young 
 fellow, Mr. Blackstone. Have a cigar ? " 
 
 At that moment he caught sight of a black band upon 
 his pupil's coat-sleeve, and vague memories stirred in his 
 brain. Somebody was dead, that was certain ; and he 
 would be expected to say something by way of condolence. 
 
 "Ah — er — very sad, very distressing!" he sniffed. 
 " Still in the prime of life, I am told. I had not the 
 pleasure of the — er — of the lady's acquaintance myself; but 
 I can sympathise with you — er — sincerely. Very sad — 
 very distressing, indeed I " 
 
 Blackstone chuckled audibly, much to his tutor's horror. 
 
 " I came to tell you, sir, that I have given up all idea of 
 going into the army," he said. " I never really stood a 
 chance, you know." 
 
 " Given up all idea of — er — of going into the army ! " 
 exclaimed Sanuny, toying with his glasses. " Then — er — ■
 
 174 ALL FOOLS 
 
 then all your education is wasted. Does your respected 
 fatlicr know of this ? " 
 
 "Can't say, sir," said Blackstone, a little :adly. "But 
 I'll ask a parson, if you like." 
 
 " Er — Mr. Blackstone," said the tutor, v.ith a snort of 
 deep solemnity, " I must once more warn you against the 
 dangers of — er — in fact, of chronic alcoholism. Your 
 speech this afternoon is, I — er — grieve to say it, wild and— and 
 disconnected. I cannot accept the decision of — er — of a 
 clergyman in this matter, though many of them are, I am 
 told, nice gentlemanly young fellows. Your father has 
 always paid for your tuiiion, and it is for him to— er — to 
 decide." 
 
 " My father's dead, sir — that's the long and short of it," 
 said Blackstone hurriedly. " I shall be paying for myself 
 in future. I wrote and explained matters to you a month 
 ago. Didn't you get my letter ? " 
 
 " Ah, yes. Now I — er — now I recollect," said Sammy, 
 swaying his nippers to and fro upon their cord. " But I 
 understood that your mother was dead, not — er — not your 
 father. I had a pupil years ago — he's colonel of his regi- 
 ment now— whose mother died suddenly. He wore a black 
 band upon his sleeve, I — er — recollect, just as you do. 
 This is really very distressing ! " 
 
 " Well, sir, I want to study a few useful subjects, like 
 arithmetic and geography, you know, before settling down 
 at my place. Can you suggest anjthing likely to be useful 
 to a country gentleman ? " 
 
 " Let me think," muttered the tutor, bewildered by the 
 sudden change of subject. " I do not recollect ever to have 
 had a pupil for — er — for that examination. I must look it 
 up in the Civil Service Guide." 
 
 "No more exams, for me, sir," said Blackstone emphati- 
 cally. " I've done with 'em for good. Have you got any 
 books on aiiriculture ? "
 
 ALL FOOLS 175 
 
 *' Agriculture — agriculture ! I had a pupil once who 
 went in for agriculture, I — er — recollect. He went to some 
 college — -in Suffolk, I think it was— and then — er — and 
 then proceeded to the backwoods of America. No, I have 
 no books on — er — on that subject ; but I will inquire the 
 names of the leading writers, and then I can procure them 
 for you." 
 
 " Thank you, sir. And if you could manage to get me a 
 book or two on horse-doctoring, I should be obliged to 
 you. The ' vet ' down at our place is an a\yful fool, and it's 
 always as well to know something of that sort of thing. 
 Good-evening, sir." 
 
 "Agriculture, he said," mumbled Sammy, going to his 
 writing-table. "I must make a note of it. Horse-doctoring! 
 I seem to have read about that somewhere. Horse-doctor 
 — horse-leech ! He has some daughters, if I remember 
 rightly. There are lots of dressed-up young females who — 
 er — who would be only too glad to entrap a nice, gentle- 
 manly young fellow. I must warn Mr Blackstone against 
 them." 
 
 Meanwhile, the subject of his solicitude, having rushed 
 up to his bedroom to make sure that his luggage was safely 
 housed, ran downstairs, causing a mighty creaking of the 
 banisters and shaking of the whole house as he jumped the 
 last four steps of each flight, and burst like a bracing east 
 wind into the class-rooni, with its murky, smoke-laden 
 atmosphere. The earnest young lecturer was squeezing 
 certain bulky volumes of authority into a black bag, pre- 
 paratory to taking his leave. The pupils were on the point 
 of dispersing. 
 
 " I beg your pardon, sir," Blackstone said, with a nod to 
 the lecturer, " but is Bunny here? " 
 
 Bunny was there and very much at Sir Arthur's service. 
 He was rushing forward to shake his friend's hand, but 
 Brov/n Geegee forestalled him in the act if not in the design.
 
 1/6 ALL FOOLS 
 
 " Blackstone, you are my very good friend," said the 
 coloured gentleman, with a cordial grin. " I am delighted 
 to welcome you back once more. I rejoice to shake 
 you once more by the hand. We will go together and 
 catch the filth-wicked Germans. I hope that you are not 
 very much vexed at your father's sad decease. 1 sympa- 
 thise with you in your sadness." 
 
 "Good old Geegee!" said Blackstone, squeezing the 
 hand of his very good friend until hot tears filled the 
 coloured gentleman's eyes. "I say, Bunny, come upstairs 
 to my room, will you? I've got lots to say to you." 
 
 Having renewed his acquaintance with such of the other 
 pupils as were known to him, Blackstone led the way upstairs, 
 three steps at a time, Bunny following to the best of his power. 
 Once in the bedroom he flung himself upon the bed, while 
 Bunny took his seat upon a portmanteau. The wind blew 
 in fitful gusts across the roofs ; now roaring in the chimney, 
 rattling at the window, and dashing the raindrops helter- 
 skelter against the pane ; now sinking to a distant murmur, 
 or dying away in a deep-drawn ^igh. 
 
 "Beastly weather, isn't it?" Blackstone said. " It was 
 just like this at the governor's funeral." 
 
 Bunny, anxious to avoid so painful a topic, blurted out : 
 "I say, you know, I'm awfully glad you've come back! I 
 hardly expected you'd turn up again, now that you've come 
 into the property." 
 
 "How's Miss Woodward?" Blackstone a^ked irrelevantly. 
 " Oh, quite well, thanks. I saw her yesterday evening — 
 went to fetch her from business, you know. I say, she's 
 got a beastly bull-dog up at her place. Some old friend of 
 the family gave it her. If there's one thing I loathe it's 
 a bull-dog, they're such ugly beggars. And this little brute 
 seems to return the compliment, for he always snarls at me 
 when I go there." 
 
 Blackstone was on the point of revealing himself as the
 
 ALL FOOLS 177 
 
 giver of the puppy, but the thought that Miss Woodward 
 had chosen to keep his name a secret held him back. She 
 had good reasons, no doubt. Besides, the pleasure of 
 sharing any secret with so charming a girl was not to be 
 lightly forgone. 
 
 " How does Miss Woodward herself like the dog ? " he 
 asked. 
 
 " Oh, she seems awfully fond of it — makes quite a pet of 
 the beast. She actually calls it pretty, and asks me to agree 
 with her, when any fool can see that it's as ugly as sin." 
 
 Had Sir Arthur Blackstone been at all conceited, he might 
 have made Miss Woodward's affection for his gift the ground 
 of much self-flattery ; but, so great was his own love of dogs, 
 Millicent's devotion to her new pet seemed the most natural 
 thing in the world. He was glad that she was pleased — 
 that was all. 
 
 After a long silence he said : 
 
 " I've been having an awful time of it since the funeral. 
 Such a lot of business to do, lawyers hanging about the 
 house and all that sort of thing. I've been cursing Death 
 Duties, and Probate Duties, and Succession Duties, and all 
 the rest of their humbugging, swindling red tape every day 
 for the last month ; and as if that wasn't enough, I've been 
 having visits of condolence from half the ladies in the 
 county — people who never came near the house in my 
 father's time. The card tray in the hall had to be emptied 
 once a week. Some cycled over, some drove, just a few 
 walked. I couldn't make out what they came for until I 
 complained to our old housekeeper. She pursed up her 
 mouth and sniffed a bit, and then the truth came out. 
 They've all got daughters or youngish sisters wliom they'd 
 like to see mistress of Wulboroiigh Hall. Seem to think 
 I'm a beastly Mormon or something in that line." 
 
 " But, I say, you know ! I suppose you'll think of 
 settling down soon?" hazarded Bunny, whose mind ran in 
 
 M
 
 1/8 ALL FOOLS 
 
 the matrimonial groove. " You'll be awfully lonely in tliat 
 big house all by yourself." 
 
 Blackstone yawned. 
 
 " I've got the dogs, you see," he said. " A fellow can't 
 very well be lonely with a couple of dozen of 'em yelping 
 about the place. Besides, who the devil am I to marry ? 
 If I were in your shoes, young 'un, I might be keen on it. 
 But I'd sooner marry a barmaid than one of these Society 
 women." 
 
 He paused to light his pipe, which he had been filling 
 slowly for some minutes past. Then, as the smoke began 
 to rise, he continued : 
 
 " I've been to one or two balls in my time, not to speak 
 of ' At Homes ' and garden-parties, and I've kept my eyes 
 open. There are several sorts of girls one meets about, 
 and they're none of 'em what I should care to have for a 
 wife. There are some who are awfully icy and stuck-up. 
 They're always sneering, too, and make you feel a bigger 
 fool than you really are. There are some who giggle at 
 every word you say, making eyes at you all the time, and 
 generally behaving like a long-clothes baby. Then there 
 are others who drop their g's, and ask you for tips about 
 horses. They reek of the stable, though they mostly use 
 pretty strong scent to hide it. I'm a bit in that line myself, 
 you know, and two of a trade never agree. 
 
 "Then there's another sort — mostly a bit long in the 
 tooth; these are— who have loud voices and talk about 
 Browning, or some such ass, who wrote poetry that no 
 decent fellow ever reads. I have an aunt of that sort, and 
 she used to make me read all manner of rot when I stayed 
 down at her place. You'll find a really jolly one here and 
 there among the married women, but they're out of the 
 question, and like all good things they're rare." 
 
 He paused, looking long and thoughtfully at a black 
 speck upon the ceiling.
 
 ALL FOOLS 179 
 
 "They ought all to have been drowned as pups," he 
 remarked sententiously. " It's a shame to let creatures like 
 that grow up. Tiiey're a public nuisance, Bunny, that's 
 what they are. Now, in Gecgee's country they used to kill 
 lots of 'em at their birth, till some missionary chap came 
 and interfered. It's high time they introduced something 
 of the sort in England." 
 
 Bunny protested. 
 
 "But I say, you know, what a bloodthirsty chap you 
 are." 
 
 He had a general notion that, from a man's point of view, 
 there cannot be too many women, if only for choosing 
 purposes. He began a long eulogy of, or rather rhapsody 
 upon, the fair sex, which— if the apothegm be true, that a 
 man's view of women is largely matter of digestion — spoke 
 volumes for Bunny's internal machinery. His eloquence 
 was checked by a timid knock at the door. 
 
 " Come in, whoever you are," roared Blackstone. 
 
 "Have you all that you require. Sir Arthur?" came a 
 feminine voice from without. " I will send up the maid 
 with some hot water as soon as the first dinner-bell rings. 
 And, if you wish it, the bootboy can unpack your luggage 
 in the course of the evening. I regret that we have no 
 man-servant for the present." 
 
 "Oh, I'm all right, thank you, Mrs. Thompson," said 
 Blackstone, jumping up hastily and opening the door. 
 " Please make no fuss about me. I'm used to the ways 
 of the house, you know." 
 
 Mrs. Tliompson persisted, in her most insinuating tone : 
 
 "You are quite sure you have everything you want? 
 You have only to ring the bell, remember." 
 
 " Yes, yes," said Blackstone, a little impatiently. " I'm 
 all right. The room suits me do'-vn to the ground — always 
 did." 
 
 " It's very good of you to say so, Sir Arthur." There
 
 l8o ALL FOOLS 
 
 was a raiding of the voice as she retreated towards the 
 stair-head. " But I'm sure so old a friend will excuse my 
 deficiences. I must really persuade Samuel to engage a 
 man-servant." 
 
 Blackstone shut the door, dropping a whiiiisical glance in 
 Bunny's direction. 
 
 "What's that for, I wonder?" he exclaimed. "I've had 
 this room for something like four years, and she never 
 made any fuss about me before." 
 
 " Just like her snobbishness, you know," said Bunny, 
 with a scornful grin. 
 
 Though not himself wholly exempt, he could deplore the 
 taint in others. 
 
 " Anyone would think I was the Lord knows who from 
 the way she behaves," muttered Blackstone. 
 
 And the pair smoked on till dinner-time in silence, save 
 for the muttering and howling of the wind and the gusty 
 patter of the raindrops upon the pane. j 
 
 During the first few days of his return to London, Black- 
 stone was far from comfortable. The deferential attitude 
 of the mistress of the house, who did her ut.nost to lure him 
 into the drawing-room, whenever there were visitors to be 
 impressed, the obsequious readiness of the maid-servants to 
 do his lightest bidding, the unwonted restraint of his fellov/- 
 pupils, owing to his recent bereavement — everything tended 
 to make him feel strange and uneasy in the familiar sur- 
 roundings. But, in course of time, this awkwardness wore 
 off. Finding all her wiles of no avail, Mrs. Thompson gave 
 him up as a bad job. The servants gradually relapsed 
 into their former, easy-going impertinence. The pupils 
 soon threw off their reserve ; and things went on much as 
 in the old times, before his father's death. 
 
 One morning Sammy entered the class-room, clad as 
 usual in dressing-gown and slippers, staggering under the 
 weight of a huge pile of volumes.
 
 ALL FOOLS l8l 
 
 '* Er — I think you asked for some books on — on agricul- 
 ture, Mr. Blackstone," he said, with many sniffs. " I — er — 
 sent to my bookseller about them, and here are a few. He 
 will send some more in a few days." 
 
 Blackstone eyed the pile before him with a comical, half- 
 rueful expression of face. 
 
 " How about the horse-doctor book, sir ? " he asked. 
 
 " Oh, yes — er — I recollect ! There are two works upon 
 the subject in this — in this lot ; and I have given orders 
 that all the authorities upon the subject shall be bought — 
 er — in fact, bought on your behalf" 
 
 Blackstone was disposed to protest against the expense 
 of this wholesale purchase of authorities, where only the 
 simplest text-books were needed. But, on second thoughts, 
 he decided to let Sammy have a free hand. The books 
 would be useful for reference. They could have a case to 
 the>r,selves in the library at Wulborough. With a whole 
 case of such auxiliaries at his back he would be able to 
 confute the local "vet," whenever their opinions clashed 3 
 and the awe engendered in the bucolic mind by large, 
 solidly-bound books would help to win over the tenant- 
 farmers to certain improvements he had it in his mind to 
 make. He set to v/ork that term as he had never worked 
 before in his life. The subject appealed to him, was al- 
 ready known to him in the rough. The technical terms had 
 been as household words in his ears from babyhood. The 
 ease with which he assimilated the contents of chapter after 
 chapter astonished no one so much as himself. He had 
 fallen into a groove of study, which, to use his own ex- 
 pression, " suited him down to the ground." 
 
 He had frequent news of Millicent through Bunny, who 
 met his betrothed regularly twice or thrice in a week. It 
 is likely that the thought of her was, in some way, an in- 
 centive to his work. The very hopelessness of his attach- 
 ment acted upon his essentially healthy mind as a tonic.
 
 I 82 ALL FOOLS 
 
 He had now an ideal — not a very high one, perhaps, but 
 still an ideal — beside and above himself. Something of the 
 sort was needed to rouse him from the intellectual torpor 
 incidental to a large allowance and complete freedom from 
 responsibility. The disturbance caused by Millicent's 
 entrance into his Hfe, had helped to stir his mind to a more 
 active and personal view of Hfe. It had made bim think.
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 BEING AN ACCOUNT OF THK ABDUCTION OF AN INDIAN 
 GENTLEMAN FROM A MUSIC-HALL, WITH ALL THAT 
 BEFELL HIS PURSUERS IN A FOG. 
 
 The year wore on, autumn almost imperceptibly paling to 
 winter. November came, and with it, frost and dense, 
 choking fogs, which hung a tawny curtain against the 
 windows. The outlook from the dining-roum at Sammy's 
 was narrowed to the area-railings, the suggestion of half a 
 yard ' of pavement beyond, and the ghost of a street-lamp. 
 It was like looking at the world through the thickest of 
 horn spectacles. 
 
 On one of those foggy evenings, when lamps seem to 
 consume their own light. Bunny, Blackstone, and Brown 
 Geegee set out in search ot amusement. By some 
 mysterious means of locomotion, they found their way to a 
 music-hall, where all the stars of the variety firmament were 
 announced to appear each night — to shine or twinkle, 
 according to their various properties. The fog had found 
 its way into the auditorium. Its presence was acknowledged 
 by the majority of the audience, with much coughing, 
 sneezing, and blowing of noses. 
 
 Brown Geegee was in full evening dress, his dusky face 
 and hands seeming almost black, by contrast with the 
 dazzling whiteness of collar, cuffs, and shirt front. His long 
 fawn overcoat was thrown open, so as to hide none of these 
 splendours, and a diamond stud sparkled upon his bosom. 
 Blackstone, whom no mortal eye had ever seen in a great- 
 coat, towered above the herd of lesser men, in an every- 
 
 1S3
 
 184 ALL FOOLS 
 
 day suit of heather tweed. Bunny wore a long robe of the 
 same cut and material as that worn by the coloured gentle- 
 man. His low-crowned billycock was tilted back from his 
 forehead as usual. He walked with a forward stoop, 
 switching his calf from time to time with the handle of his 
 cane. The exaggerated swagger of his gait and the 
 eccentric slope of his shoulders were remarkable even in a 
 music-hall, where such figures most abound. His elbows 
 raised, he handled his gold-tipped cigarette with exquisite 
 grace, every whiff being an epitome of aristocratic careless- 
 ness and ease. The nonchalance with which he knocked 
 off a tapering pyramid of ash, bringing his little finger to bear 
 with the utmost dexterity, was inimitable. 
 
 The trio attracted its full share of notice from the other 
 loungers of the promenade. Men nudged each other as 
 they passed, casting half-envious glances after Blackstone's 
 commanding form, grinning at Bunny, and laughing openly 
 at Brown Geegee. Women of the gorgeous complexion 
 and the languorous eye threw many an alluring look in 
 their direction, causing Brown Geegee to roll his eyes and 
 leer back in his most fiendish manner. 
 
 "Let's have a drink," said Blackstone, uhen they had 
 stood for some time watching the antics of a funny gentle- 
 man upon the stage — a gentleman in semi-clerical garb, 
 with face preternaturally white and nose preter naturally 
 red, who mimicked the rolling walk and hiccupping speech 
 of a drunken man, to the entire delight of the audience. 
 The applause was deafening. 
 
 Bunny's whole frame was convulsed with laughter. 
 
 " I say, you know, isn't he killing ? " he exclaimed. 
 " The fellow's a genius ! " 
 
 " Oh, it's easy enough," said Blackstone. " The chap 
 gets a bit screwed, comes on to t!ic stage, and the thing's 
 done. Come and have a whisky and soda, young 'un 
 Geegee, you ape, what are you gaping at ? "
 
 ALL FOOLS 185 
 
 " Do you see that lovely lady over there in a red cloak 
 with fur all round the edges of it ? " said the coloured 
 gentleman in excitement. " She is, moreover, very like to 
 my dear beautiful friend. Miss Woodward. Perhaps it is 
 herself. I will go and pay my courteous respects to her." 
 
 Blackstone seized his dusky friend by the brown velvet 
 collar of his overcoat, and shook his topper awry. 
 
 " Look here, Geegee ! '' he whispered, " if you dare to 
 compare any woman here to Miss Woodward, I'll throw you 
 down into the stalls ! Now, come and have a drink ! " 
 
 Brown Geegee gulped down his whisky in sullen silence, 
 never so much as lifting his glass in acknowledgment of 
 Blackstone's hearty, " Here's luck to you both ! " 
 
 " It clears the fog out of one's throat," the baronet said. 
 " Have another ? " 
 
 " No, it's my turn now," Bunny protested, with a wink 
 and a nod to the barmaid ; whereupon that young lady 
 opened a soda-water bottle in the off-hand manner of her 
 class. 
 
 " Three, didn't you say ? " 
 
 " Yes, certainly," said Bunny, surprised at the question. 
 " Hullo, Where's Geegee ? " he muttered, looking round 
 aghast. 
 
 The coloured gentleman was nowhere to be seen, 
 
 " He's gone to have a talk with the woman in the red 
 cloak, I wouldn't mind betting," Blackstone said. " Well, 
 I wash my hands of him ! " He volunteered the informa- 
 tion that " niggers are obstinate as pigs," for the barmaid's 
 enlightenment. " We'll go and look for him in a minute. 
 Bunny." 
 
 But, when they regained the promenade, neither Brown 
 Geegee nor the lady in the red cloak were anywhere to be 
 seen. Blackstone gripped his companion's arm. 
 
 "Look here, Bunny, we can't let the heathen slip through 
 our fingers in this way. He n^.ay get in an j,wful mess !
 
 1 86 ALL FOOLS 
 
 We must search the house. You go that way, I go this. 
 We'll come back here and compare notes." 
 
 So the pair separated. Bunny sauntered down to the 
 level of the stalls on his side, and, after a fruitless search, 
 retraced his steps. He was just passing the promenade 
 exit when he saw the backs of three men going out arm in 
 arm. He in the middle wore a long fawn overcoat with a 
 brown velvet collar. His hair below his topper was black 
 and lank. 
 
 Bunny called down the passage : 
 
 " Geegee — Geegee, old chap ! " 
 
 The three turned for a moment, so that he saw their 
 faces. Then they hurried streetwards, in spite of some re- 
 luctance on the part of the middle one. Bunny leaned 
 against the wall for a few seconds, feeling dazed and be- 
 wildered. Then, recovering himself, he rushed down the 
 passage, the stairs, and out into the street, just in time to 
 see a hansom drive off with the objects of his chase, and 
 disappear into the fog. 
 
 " For heaven's sake, stop them," cried Bunny wildly, 
 appeahng to the passers-by in general. " Hansom ! " 
 
 At that moment a heavy hand was laid on his shoulder, 
 and Blackstone's voice asked : 
 
 " What's the row, young 'un ? " 
 
 As Bunny made no answer to the question, but shouted 
 for a hansom more lustily than ever, Blackstone dragged 
 him aside into a dark entry to avoid the notice which his 
 friend's strange demeanour and cries were beginning to 
 draw upon them. There he gathered a general idea of 
 what had happened, more from the reproaches, with which 
 he was loaded, for having prevented Bunny from setting 
 out at once in pursuit of the fugitives, than from any at- 
 tempt at explanation. His assurance that they were power- 
 less to help the coloured gentleman served only to anger 
 his companion, and to render him more abusive. He was
 
 ALL FOOLS 187 
 
 puzzled, wondering what to do with Bunny, who was 
 plainly out of his mind, when someone plucked at his 
 sleeve. Looking down he encountered the knowing grin 
 of an undersized man of dishevelled and ragged appear- 
 ance. 
 
 There was a hoarse whisper : 
 
 " Say, guv'nors ! If you're after them chaps, I can give 
 you a tip. 'Eard the d'rections as was give to the cabby ! " 
 
 Blackstone gripped Bunny's arm to call his attention. 
 A blaze of electric light from a great restaurant across the 
 street, changed the fog locally into a luminous haze, through 
 which the shapes of cabs, omnibuses, and vans moved 
 ghost-like. The pavement was thronged with gaily-dressed 
 women ; and men of every class slouched by in the glare of 
 the lamps, from the loafer in evening dress, carefully 
 wrapped in greatcoat and scarf, to the beggar in his rags. 
 Blackstone's eyes dwelt for a moment upon the scene, as he 
 looked about him to make sure that the little group in the 
 doorway was attracting no undue notice. 
 
 " Well, what 've you got to say ? " he asked of the loafer. 
 
 " 'Arf a crown, guv'nor, and I'll tell you all I know ! " 
 
 " What do you take me for ! Let's have your informa- 
 tion, and I'll pay you what it's worth." 
 
 " Garn, capting ! No coin — no tellin' ! " 
 
 The man thrust his hands deep into his trouser pockets, 
 making as if he would walk away. 
 
 Bunny whispered uneasily : 
 
 " Give him the money ! We're only wasting time ! " 
 
 Whereupon Blackstone stepped up to the man. 
 
 " Here's half a crown for you," he said. " But mind, 
 none of your tricks ! " 
 
 *•' S'elp me never ! " The mouldy one clutched the coin, 
 and straightway spat upon it. " The address was 'Arford 
 Gardens, Cam'den '111. Strike me dead, if that ain't 
 gawspel truth, kernel ! "
 
 I 88 ALL FOOLS 
 
 Putting a strong curb upon his excitement, Blackstone 
 asked : 
 
 " The number ? " 
 
 " Come now, m'lord ! That's worth another 'arf-crown, 
 that is ! " 
 
 " You shall have it when you have told me the number." 
 
 " It was either twenty-five or seventy-five — can't say 
 which ! But I take my blimey oath, so 'elp me bob, it was 
 one o' the two ! " 
 
 In consideration of the " blimey oath," Blackstone 
 handed over a second half-crown, and, turning to Bunny, 
 asked his advice as to what was best to be done. Dis- 
 daining all parley, with the insistence of a monomaniac, Mr. 
 Lee-Stretton called loudly for a hansom ; and, while 
 Blackstone was still pondering the suggestion in his mind, 
 he was already on the step of a cab. 
 
 " Drive to Kensington Church, as fast as you can in this 
 confounded fog ! " shouted the baronet, and jumped in 
 after his friend. 
 
 The carrying off of Brown Geegee before his very eyes, 
 his fears for the coloured gentleman's safety, the irritation 
 engendered by what he held to be a needless delay — above 
 all, the fog, which seemed to baulk him on every side, had 
 disturbed the wonted calm of Bunny's temper. He was 
 disposed to cavil at the direction given by Blackstone, say- 
 ing that none but a lunatic would think of driving to 
 Kensington Church, when Campden Hill was where he 
 wanted to go. But Blackstone dealt gently with him, 
 merely threatening to get out of the cab and leave Bunny 
 to go through with the adventure alone. Whereat Bunny 
 changed his tone at once, declaring himself to have behaved 
 like an ungrateful beast, and humbly begging his friend not 
 to leave him on any account. Blackstone deigning to ex- 
 plain that he had mentioned Kensington Church as being 
 in a bee-line from their starting-point, and therefore more
 
 ALL FOOLS 189 
 
 easily to be reached in the fog than their ultimate destina- 
 tion, Bunny professed himself entirely satisfied, and peace 
 was restored once more. 
 
 They had passed the galaxy of Hyde Park Corner, and 
 the fog lay so dense and black along Knightsbridge that 
 they could see nothing beyond the splash-board. Of a 
 sudden, the horse's hoofs clattered upon stone, and the 
 cab gave a mighty lurch, throwing Bunny sideways against 
 Blackstone. At the same moment, the driver cried, 
 " Woa," and they came to a standstill. 
 
 " On the pavement ! " said Blackstone laconically. "Just 
 what I expected ! " 
 
 Bunny said nothing. He was bewildered by the dark- 
 ness, which was as a wall about the vehicle. 
 
 The cabman climbed dov.-n from his seat, shout- 
 ing: 
 
 " It's no use tryin', sir ! There ain't a driver in London 
 could keep off the kerb such a night as this. You'd best 
 walk, if you're in a 'urry, sir ! " 
 
 The two sprang out on to the pavement, and Blackstone 
 bestowed a florin upon the cabman. Then they set out, 
 arm in arm, into the stifling darknes<5, keeping, so far as 
 possible, in touch with walls and area railings. From time 
 to time they passed under a lamp — a little cocoon of yellow 
 or primrose haze, high in air — which only enhanced the 
 darkness of its immediate neighbourhood. The sound of 
 footsteps was constant upon the pavement, and, as Black- 
 stone's plan of keeping to the railings seemed to have been 
 generally adopted, collisions were not wanting to enliven 
 the way. 
 
 As they drew near to the Albert Hall, the gloom became 
 perceptibly less dense. At Queen's Gate they could see 
 the lamps of the opposite pavement — faint smudges of pale 
 lemon-colour upon the night. An omnibus loomed in 
 outline close at hand, with the ruddy haze of a lantern at
 
 190 ALL FOOLS 
 
 the horses' heads. Vans and drays were something more 
 than a shouting of the blind among the blind. 
 
 It was a quarter-past ten by Blackstone's watch when 
 they reached the corner by St. Mary Abbot's Church. 
 They were now drawing near to the end of their walk, and 
 Bunny began to have misgivings. He proposed that they 
 sliould go to the police-station and ask for a constable or 
 two to help them in their quest ; but Blackstone would 
 hear of no such thing. The police, he said, were no fun at 
 all. Let Bunny but leave the conduct of the business to 
 him, and all would be well. They had passed into a quiet 
 region, where lamps were far apart and there was little or 
 no traffic. Blackstone halted at a street corner, and peered 
 up at the wall of the nearest house. 
 
 '' It should be somewhere hereabouts," he said ; " but 
 how on earth are we to find out the name of the road ? " 
 
 " I believe there's a pub across the way," cried Bunny, 
 "to judge by the noise." 
 
 " I'll go there and ask," said Blackstone, and 1-ie disap- 
 peared into the darkness of the roadway. 
 
 Just at that moment twin lights gleamed out of the fog, 
 and the outlines of a horse and cab, at first blurred and 
 ghost-like, became more distinct with every second. The 
 driver shouted, on the chance of being heard by some- 
 one : 
 
 " Is this 'Arford Gardens, can any gent tell me ? " 
 
 Bunny replied that he did not know, but that it was 
 somewhere thereabouts. 
 
 " This fog is a black-satan fog, and I dislike it ! " came a 
 well-known voic2 from the hansom. " I will now descend. 
 I will moreover return at once to my very good friends at 
 the music-hall." 
 
 A loud laugh greeted this speech. 
 
 " It no goot going back to de music-hall. You come 
 along vid us, and have vun glass of viskey. Oderwise, you
 
 ALL FOOLS 191 
 
 catch cold. De mister catch cold, if he not have de viskey 
 — nicht wahr, Fritz ? " 
 
 " Gewiss — quite true ! " 
 
 Bunny's first impulse was to spring forward and denounce 
 the Germans ; but the thought that they were two, not 
 counting the driver, whereas he was but one, held him 
 back. In the meantime, the hansom melted once more 
 into the fog, and only the beat of the horse's hoofs remained 
 to assure him that what he had heard and seen was some- 
 thing more than a phantom of his heated brain. Even 
 that sound had died awny, when a shout from Blackstone 
 informed him that that gentleman had met with success in 
 his inquiries at the public-house, and was at present wait- 
 ing for him in the middle of the road. After sundry 
 manoeuvres, involving more than one complete change of 
 their relative positions, the two friends at length caught sight 
 of one anotlier. 
 
 Bunny, in an excited whisper, related what had passed in 
 Blackstone's absence ; whereat Blackstone, exclaiming that 
 there was no time to be lost, caught hold of Bunny's arm 
 and set off up the road, at as brisk a pace as the darkness 
 would allow. 
 
 "This is Hertford Gardens," he exclaimed as they went. 
 " The Germans live at number seventy-five on the right- 
 hand side. The barmaid said she knew them quite well by 
 sight. They have taken to calling themselves counts, it seems." 
 
 They made their way along by the railings, stopping at 
 every gate and striking a match to examine the number. 
 It was slow work, and the hopes of both were already 
 somewhat dashed, when a sound of wheels and a leisurely 
 fall of a horse's hoofs were heard approaching. A minute 
 later, and two round patches of yellow haze came towards 
 them, like filmy eyes out of the gloom. 
 
 " Hi, there ! " shouted Blackstone. " Where's number 
 seventy-five, do you know ? "
 
 192 ALL FOOLS 
 
 "Just come from there myself. You keep along that 
 side and you'll find it. It's a good fifty yards 'igher up," 
 came the answer, in a husky voice. 
 
 For a moment the blurred outline of horse, cab, and 
 driver was visible. Then they passed, and the fog wrapped 
 them from mortal ken. 
 
 The friends pursued their way, Bunny touching the 
 clammy railings for guidance. At length Blackstone stopped 
 and struck a light, which showed an iron gate, bearing the 
 wished-for number. He threw the match from him. It 
 flickered for a moment upon the pavement, then it went 
 out, and the darkness was even more bewildering than 
 before. 
 
 "It's an awkward business, young 'un," said Blackstone 
 thoughtfully — " a deuced awkward business ! We're not 
 justified in breaking into this house until we're sure that 
 they've done some harm to Geegee." 
 
 " But, I say, you know ! Who ever thought of breaking 
 into the house ? Why not walk up to the door and ring 
 the bell like ordinary visitors ? We can say we've come to 
 call for the Indian gentleman." 
 
 " There's something in that/' said Blackstone, stroking 
 his moustache. 
 
 " But I think we'd better not ask for Geegee. It might 
 rouse suspicion. And you'd best keep in the background, 
 Bunny ! They know you too well. Come along ! " 
 
 He raised the latch of the gate, which swung open, ring- 
 ing upon its hinges, and they made their way along a 
 narrow paved walk between bushes.
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 IN WHICH TWO COUNTS AND A COUNTESS ARE PRESENTED 
 TO THE READER IN THE LIGHT OP OLD ACQUAINT- 
 ANCE, AND AN INDIAN GENTLEMAN IS DISCOVERED IN 
 A LARDER. 
 
 " Here's the house ! " 
 
 " Looks shut up ! " 
 
 They stood a moment in silence, scanning as much as 
 could be seen of the front of the building. It appeared 
 to be a squat cube of a house, for they could discern a 
 window on either side of the door and the sills of three in 
 the upper storey — ^just such a dwelling as a child might 
 draw upon his slate, and laugh at the grotesque likeness to 
 a human face. Suddenly, a light streamed forth from the 
 window immediately above the door, making a yellow stain 
 upon the night — a little corner of light, as if a heavy curtain 
 had been pulled or brushed aside in passing. Then all was 
 dark as before. Bunny's teeth chattered in his head. All 
 his old, unreasoning dread of the Germans was upon him. 
 He feared to enter the house lest, by so doing, he should 
 once more fall into their clutches. In a tremulous whisper, 
 he suggested to Blackstone that perhaps they had better go 
 home, as he did not see of what service they could be to 
 Geegee. But Blackstone held his arm in a grasp of iron. 
 
 " Now then, youngster, no shirking," he said ; " keep 
 close to me ! " 
 
 " But I say, you know ! " 
 
 « Shut up ! " 
 
 193 N
 
 194 ALL FOOLS 
 
 Blackstone stood upon the doorstep, groping about for 
 the bell-handle. There was a click, followed by a faint 
 tinkle from within. Bunny instinctively drew back a few 
 paces. 
 
 " Keep to heel, young "un," whispered his companion 
 fiercely. 
 
 After a brief interval of silence, a light appeared in the 
 hall, and the door was opened half an inch. 
 
 " 'Oo's there ? " came a timid, feminine voice from within. 
 
 " It's only me," said Blackstone soothingly. At the same 
 time, he leaned his whole weight upon the door, inserting 
 his foot as a wedge, and forced it open. 
 
 "'Ooisit? Oh, 'elp, 'oois it?" 
 
 " Is the Count at home, Jemima Jane, or whatever your 
 name is ? " asked Blackstone, in his most insinuating tone. 
 " We've come a long way through this confounded fog for 
 the pleasure of seeing him." He dropped a whisper over 
 his shoulder : " Come along, Bunny. It's only the slavey ! " 
 
 The door offered no further resistance, he stepped into the 
 passage. A small lamp was burning upon a table at the 
 foot of the stairs. Its light shone upon the wall-paper, the 
 oil-cloih, and was reflected from the polished surface of 
 banister and handrail. A slovenly maid, in a greasy, print 
 dress, cowered before him. To Blackstone's mind, 
 sharpened to the simile by a course of agriculture, she 
 carried the idea of a seed potato untimely sprouting. 
 Hooks and eyes had parted company in the more pro- 
 tuberant regions of her figure, so that strings and stray frills 
 peeped forth, like young shoots yearning for the light. 
 
 " Both the Counts is in, sir," she said, recovering from 
 her first alarm, and surveying Blackstone's proportions with 
 an admiring grin. " And Mr. Jones is in, too, sir, if you 
 was wishin' to see 'im." 
 
 She shut the door behind Bunny, who shuddered as he 
 heard it slam. There was no longer any hope of retreat.
 
 ALL FOOLS 195 
 
 They must go through with the adventure for weal or woe. 
 A low mutter of voices in agitation came from the stair- 
 head. There was no time to be lost. 
 
 " I know my way, thanks, Susan," said Blackstone, 
 making for the stairs. Bunny followed close at his heels, 
 more from fear of being left alone than from any wish to 
 rival his friend's valour. 
 
 The slatternly girl stared after them in open-mouthed 
 wonder, not unmixed with admiration. A varied experience 
 of policemen had taught her to value such things as height, 
 breadth, and muscle in a man. She sighed as she looked 
 after him, bursting two m.ore hooks by the incidental 
 upheaval of her bosom. Then she yawned, and was pre- 
 paring to retire for the night, when a hubbub upon the floor 
 above alarmed her, and she took refuge in the dining-room, 
 rather than brave the perils of the stairs, while the gentry 
 were " that outrageous." Blackstone, striding upstairs 
 three steps at a time, with Bunny at his heels, had come 
 into colUsion with a human form. In the heat of the 
 moment, without waiting for parley or explanation, he 
 dealt that human form a blow with his fist, which laid it 
 sprawling on its back upon the landing. There was a great 
 and prolonged spluttering, a German oath or two, and then 
 someone made a vicious grab at the baronet's leg=;, receiving 
 a tremendous kick for his pains. Whereupon Blackstone 
 cursed the servant for having left them in the dark, and 
 bade Bunny strike a match, that he might see what he was 
 killing. 
 
 Mr. Lee-Stretton obeyed, not without misgivings. 
 
 On the floor, at Blackstone's feet, a man lay writhing in 
 great pain. Evidently the kick had taken effect ; but with 
 what part of his anatomy Blackstone's boot had come in 
 bruising contact, it would have been hard to say ; for the 
 man writhed all over alike, nursing now his knee, now his 
 elbow, with the strictest impartiality. In the back-ground
 
 196 ALL FOOLS 
 
 of the landing, beyond reach of blow or kick, cowered an- 
 other man, his fingers upon the handle of a door. Both 
 were in evening dress. Scarcely had the assailants time to 
 take in these details of the scene, before the match burned 
 Bunny's fingers, and had to be dropped. Blackstone made 
 a blind rush forward, groping for the second German, at 
 the same time calling loudly for a light, and exhorting 
 Bunny to keep kicking the fellow on the ground, to make 
 sure that he did not get up. He at length succeeded in 
 laying hold of the object of his gropings, when he forthwith 
 proceeded to twist that gentleman's collar in such a way as 
 to render his breathing matter of great difficulty, apoplexy 
 the obvious conclusion. The immediate result was much 
 wriggling and kicking on the part of the victim, together 
 with an intermittent flow of German expletives. 
 
 In obedience to an order from Blackstone, Bunny struck 
 a second match, and opened a door which was opposite to 
 the stairhead. A flood of light streamed out upon the land- 
 ing. A thick cuvtain, just within the room, accounted for 
 the fact that no light had been seen through the chinks of 
 the door when closed. Blackstone followed Bunny, push- 
 ing the prisoner before him. 
 
 It was a large room, furnished with a vulgar attempt at 
 luxury, such as is sometimes found in the bars of public- 
 houses. The chairs, the sofas, and a divan in a recess 
 beside the fire-place, were covered in tarnished crimson 
 plush. A large mirror, in a gilded frame, served as over- 
 mantel, the glass being cracked in two places. A cumbrous 
 chandelier, branching to three globes, hung from the ornate 
 centre of the ceiling. Only one of the jets was burning. 
 
 Upon the divan beside the fire-place lay a man in the 
 sleepy stage of intoxication. A tall bottle, a glass jug half 
 full of water, and an empty tumbler stood upon a table 
 near him. The atmosphere was sickly with the smell of 
 spirits.
 
 ALL FOOLS 197 
 
 Blackstone, still keeping firm hold of his prisoner, sent a 
 keen glance of inquiry round the room. A thick curtain, 
 similar in texture and colour to that which concealed the 
 door, hung in heavy, dusty folds before either window. Its 
 like adorned the wall at the end of the recess, seeming to 
 mask an exit. 
 
 "Just look behind that curtain over there !" he said to 
 Bunny. " They've hidden the graven image away some- 
 where ! " 
 
 Bunny made haste to obey. There was a door leading 
 to another room — a bedroom — empty, so far as he could 
 see. At the sam.e time a door slammed somewhere upon 
 the same floor, and a faint scuffle was heard upon the land- 
 ing without. The other German was making good his 
 escape, Blackstone thought, and turned his whole attention 
 to the prisoner. 
 
 " ^^'hat have you done with him?" he roared, shaking 
 the unlucky German until all his bones rattled. 
 The man spluttered : 
 
 " I vill shtand dis no more ! I vill tell Fritz go fetch de 
 police ! Vat you vant, I vill know, breaking into a mister's 
 house in dis vay ! Vat you mean, I say ? " 
 
 " None of your humbug ! " said Blackstone fiercely. 
 ** What have you done with the Indian chap you kidnapped 
 from the music-hall ? " 
 
 " I know noding about him," replied the German dog- 
 gedly. " I am Count Weissmann. Dis is mine house. 
 You break into it. You hurt my broder, de Count 
 Fritz. You hurt me. Also — de police vill hear of 
 dis ! " 
 
 Blackstone relaxing his grip, the pseudo-Count wriggled 
 himself free and sat down upon the sofa, gasping and rub- 
 bing his neck. The assailants were now in an awkward 
 dilemma. They could by no means prove that Brown 
 Geegee had ever set foot in the house ; and the violence of
 
 198 ALL FOOLS 
 
 their entry would be very much against them, should the 
 German make good his threat of calling in the police. 
 
 " Look here, Count Vice — what's your name ! " said 
 Blackstone soothingly. " If we've made a mistake, we're 
 sorry, and we'll say no more about it ! " 
 
 " Ve vill say no more about it, you dink," snarled the 
 German. " Ve shall see dat. De police vill hear of dis, and 
 den ve shall see. You are dam scoundrels," he screamed, 
 his courage growing as that of his opponents seemed to 
 dwindle. " You break into mine house — de house of 
 Count Weissman. You assault mine broder Fritz ; you 
 assault me. De police vill hear of dis." 
 
 " Shut beastly row," came a hiccuping voice from the 
 divan. " Want goat sleep." 
 
 "Ah, Herr Jones," cried Weissman, "you just vake up, 
 and bear vitness dat dese shcoundreis break into mine house." 
 
 The man upon the divan raised his head, opened a pair 
 of bleary eyes, in which was no intelligence, and murmured, 
 " Shurrup — you shurrup, y'ear ? " Then his eyes closed, 
 and his head fell back once more into the old listless 
 posture. 
 
 Blackstone was about to renew his apologies, when an 
 idea struck him. 
 
 " We have to speak to you about another little matter," 
 he said grimly. " You and the rascal you call Fritz robbed 
 my friend htre of a diamond ring and a silver watch some 
 months back, not to speak of his clothes." 
 
 Weissman, who had hitherto bestowed all his attention 
 upon the baronet, now shot a keen glance at Bunny, and 
 his brows contracted. 
 
 " Leave de house," he cried suddenly, starting to his feet 
 and pointing peremptorily to the door. " I know noding 
 of eider of you." 
 
 " I say, you did really rob me, you know," put in Bunny. 
 "You lived in Hammersmith then; you can't have forgotten."
 
 ALL FOOLS 199 
 
 "Fritz," screamed the German furiously, rushing towards 
 the door. But Blackstone was before him, barring the 
 way, so that he was forced to return, crestfallen, to the sofa. 
 " Veil, vat you vant ? " he said sullenly, trying to straighten 
 his shirt front, which had suffered in the late struggle. 
 
 " First of all, tell me all that you know of the Indian 
 gentleman who left the music-hall in your company." 
 
 " Dat is easy," sneered Weissman. " I know noding 
 about him. He meet me and Fritz in de music-hall ; ve 
 drink togedder ; den he drive vid us so far as Hyde Park 
 Corner ; den he leave us ; dat is all vat I know." 
 
 " But I say, you know ! " Bunny exclaimed, "that's not 
 quite true. Your hansom passed me at the end of this 
 road, and I heard Geegee's voice distinctly. He asked to 
 be put down there, and you persuaded him to come on 
 and have a whisky at your house." 
 
 The German shifted his seat uneasily, and bit his lip. 
 He was plainly disconcerted. Blackstone was just wonder- 
 ing what new lie the man would invent, when the door 
 opened and Fritz entered, closely followed by a stout 
 woman, resplendent in a tea-gown of sky-blue material, with 
 a fall of bright, yellow silk from throat to feet. Despite the 
 barbaric splendour of her costume and the coating of 
 powder and paint upon her face. Bunny recognised the 
 coarse features and thick lips of " Leeza," the woman who 
 had sat upon him that never-to-be-forgotten night in 
 the purlieus of Hammersmith. 
 
 Weissman sprang to his feet with a cry of relief. He 
 made the new-comers sit beside him upon the sofa, and 
 proceeded to lay the case before them. 
 
 ''Leeza! Fritz! Have you seen an Indian mister? 
 Dere is vun in de house, so dey tell me." 
 
 " What nonsense you do talk, to be sure," said the 
 woman, with a broad grin. " We ain't a 'ome for Moores 
 and Burgesses, nor nothink o' the sort."
 
 2CX) ALL FOOLS 
 
 Blackstone insisted. " I wish to know what you have 
 done with my friend." 
 
 Weissman shouted, " I know noding about him, I tell 
 you." 
 
 " You've told so many lies this evening that I'm not 
 going to believe you just yet." 
 
 Fritz whispered some question in Weissman's ear, and a 
 long explanation ensued, in the course of which Weissman 
 suggested something which made the others grin — a very 
 sinister grin, but transient. For want of anything better to 
 do, Bunny fell to observing the features of the drunkard 
 upon the divan. At length Weissman rose, assuming a 
 conciliatory manner. 
 
 " Ah ! " he exclaimed, making Blackstone an elaborate 
 bow, '^ you know too much ; derefore, ve vill tell you all. 
 It vill not make much difference. Vat you say, 
 Leeza ? " 
 
 The coarse-featured woman had laid a hand, naturally 
 red, now leaden with powder, ujjon his arm. She 
 whispered something in his ear. 
 
 " Ach, so," he cried, turning to Bunny with a chuckle, 
 " I vun time had de pleasure to show to dis mister de vay 
 to Sout Kensington. Fritz and me likewise help him to 
 disguise himself as a beggar. Dat vas in Hammersmit. 
 Many dings happened since den. Ve vere poor den — very 
 poor. Now ve are rich. Ve have left Hammersmit for a 
 more aristocratish neighbourhood. Ve try to forget all 
 vat happen in Hammersmit." 
 
 The drunkard upon the divan raised his head and stared 
 stupidly across the room. 
 
 " 'Ammersmith," he murmured. '• 'Oo said 'Ammer- 
 smith? Beashly low plashe. She's engaze t'another — 
 shwell — rabbit-mouth. I am trazeman's son — aware facsh. 
 But 'ave feelingsh ! " 
 
 Bunny pulled Blackstone's sleeve excitedly.
 
 ALT, FOOLS 20 1 
 
 " It's that cad Jones, the fellow who insulted Milly ! " he 
 whispered. 
 
 Weissman gave vent to an evil chuckle. " Dis is kvite a 
 reunion of de old friends, eh, Fritz ? " Fritz grinned, show- 
 ing his broken rows of yellow teeth like fangs. The other 
 turned to Blackstone. " Herr Jones is a friend of yours ? 
 He is likewise a friend of ours. How shveet to meet de 
 dear friend in unexpected house ! " 
 
 " What d'yer want ? " hiccuped the drunken man. 
 " Jonesh me ! " 
 
 " I know you," Blackstone said, stepping across to the 
 divan, and staring down into the ex-minister's face. 
 
 Mr. Jones's eyes were closed once more. " Never sheen 
 you nail my life," he murmured, as his head fell forward. 
 
 " Look again," said Blackstone, shaking him. 
 
 ." No, I shay, no — none of that ! " he hiccupped, with 
 vacant, staring eyes. " Throwin' — chap — about ! I know 
 yer tricksh ! Thought shumthin' wrong — moment — shaw — 
 nigger ! " 
 
 Blackstone let go his hold, and confronted the trio upon 
 the sofa. 
 
 "I've found out from our friend here that the Indian 
 gentleman is in this house. Bring him to me at once ! " 
 
 There followed more whispering between Weissmann and 
 Fritz, while Blackstone and Bunny awaited the result with 
 what patience they could muster. Mr. Jones relapsed into 
 torpor, was lifeless save for an occasional snore with a 
 hiccup in it. In the grate one solitary ember gave out a 
 feeble glow — all the rest was cold and ashy. At length 
 both the Germans rose, and the spokesman exclaimed : 
 
 " Come, misters, hot' of you ! Ve vill take you to your 
 Indian friend." 
 
 Blackstone shook his head decidedly. 
 
 '* No, thanks. We're not going to trust ourselves with 
 two notorious blackguards. One will be quite enough."
 
 202 ALL FOOLS 
 
 Weissmann sneered. "Ach, you are afraid! Vat you 
 dink ve going to do you ? But, ven you are afraid, I vill 
 send Leeza to guide you. Perhaps you have no fear vid a 
 voman. Go, Leeza!" 
 
 The woman rose, and, with a contemptuous glance at 
 Blackstone, passed out of the room. The two adventurers 
 followed her to the hall, where she stayed to light a candle, 
 and then led the way down a passage and some steps, until 
 they entered the kitchen. 
 
 *' There ! " she said, with a chuckle, pointing to the door 
 of a cupboard, " 'e's in there ! It's the larder, but there's 
 nothink in it 'cept him ! " 
 
 " Well, bring the light nearer, and I'll soon fish him out," 
 said Blackstone. 
 
 In her haste to obey the woman very clumsily let fall the 
 china candlestick, which shattered upon the floor. 
 
 Blackstone muttered, " Fool of a woman ! Strike a match, 
 Bunny ! We can't wait to pick up the pieces ! " 
 
 Bunny obeyed. The match flared up, throwing a dim 
 light upon their immediate surroundings, leaving the corners 
 of the kitchen still in darkness. The woman was leaning 
 against the table, her hand pressed to her side. She 
 S'jemed greatly amused at their discomfiture, though what 
 she could find to laugh at Bunny was at a loss to guess. 
 He was aware of a faint creaking sound, as if some person 
 were making his way stealthily downstairs. 
 
 Blackstone had opened the door of the larder, and was 
 peering in. 
 
 " Now, young 'un, where are your wits ? " he cried. 
 " Bring the light nearer ! " 
 
 Bunny had barely time to light a second match before the 
 first burnt his fingers. He moved forward to the door of 
 the larder, keeping the flame well forward, the better to 
 light Blackstone in his search. It was a small closet, sur- 
 rounded with wooden shelves, the lowest shelf little more
 
 ALL FOOLS 203 
 
 than two feet from the ground. At the far end, above the 
 topmost shelf, was a tiny window fastened with a latch. 
 
 " Here he is!" exclaimed Blackstone, kneeling to examine 
 a bundle of clothes, which had been thrust under the 
 bottom shelf. " What a beastly shame ! They've bound 
 and gagged the poor old heathen ! " 
 
 At that moment Bunny received a violent push from 
 behind — so violent that he fell forward, striking his head 
 against a corner of the woodwork. The door was slammed 
 to and locked. Then came the sound of derisive laughter, 
 mingled with the rumble of furniture, 3s heavy weights 
 were pushed against the door. 
 
 " Ha, ha ! You dam veil stay dere till morning ! ve vill 
 not be here den ! Oh, no ! Herr Jones vill be here. He 
 pays de rent and he have to answer all de kvestJons. Ha, 
 ha, ha ! " 
 
 Blackstone thundered, " You d — d scoundrel, I'll be even 
 with you yet ! " 
 
 Trampling upon Bunny's prostrate limbs, he dashed his 
 whole weight against the door, but to no purpose. The 
 kitchen door banged, there was a sound of hurrying feet in 
 the passage and upon the stairs, and then all was quiet. 
 
 " I say, Bunny, are you much hurt ? " asked Blackstone, 
 remembering his friend's condition. 
 
 " Nothing to speak of, you know ! I say, I think my 
 head's smashed, that all ! " 
 
 " Got any more matches ? " 
 
 " Yes, here you are ! " 
 
 By the light of a match Blackstone stepped over Bunny's 
 legs and knelt down beside the coloured gentleman. 
 
 " Got a knife, youngster ?" 
 
 "No." 
 
 " I daren't try to untie the gag for fear of throttling the 
 poor heathen. Let's have a look round ! " 
 
 By the light of a second match he surveyed the shelves.
 
 204 ^I-L FOOLS 
 
 A small chunk of cheese upon a plate was all that the 
 larder contained of provisions. But beside it was a table- 
 knife, which Blackstone immediately clutched, and pro- 
 ceeded to apply to the release of the coloured gentleman. 
 As the cold steel came in contact with the victim's left ear, 
 a strong shudder pervaded the fawn overcoat. The legs 
 kicked feebly, much to Bunny's discomfiture ; for, the 
 larder being small, every movement involved collision. 
 Then the knot was cut and the bandage removed, much 
 spitting being the immediate result. From the sounds 
 which came from under the shelf it seemed that Brown 
 Geegee was trying to cleanse his mouth from some foreign 
 and unpalatable matter. 
 
 " Please to cut the rope at my wrist, Blackstone ! " he 
 spluttered. " My mouth is full of dam-satan cotton-wool ! 
 Ugh ! " 
 
 Blackstone was obliged to handle the knife very gingerly, 
 lest he should wound his dusky friend. But at length the 
 cord was severed and Brown Geegee was free. 
 
 "Please to turn me over on my stomach, Blackstone!" 
 he gasped. " Lying thus upon my back I cannot get rid of 
 the nasty, evil stuff which is in my mouth. My hands are 
 quite useless. They are simply lumps of deadness ! " 
 
 It took some time to adjust the coloured gentleman to 
 his satisfaction, but the change of posture was at last 
 effected, and he ceased from sputtering. 
 
 " It's all gone now, I think ! " he exclaimed. " I never 
 thought that cotton-wool could be so filth-unsavoury ! You 
 are my very good friend, Blackstone. I t'lank you for 
 coming so heroically to my rescue. I desire to clasp your 
 hand in friendship ! " 
 
 " Gammon ! " rejoined Blackstone impatiently, and pro- 
 ducing a handkerchief from his pocket he set to work to 
 make a bandage for Bunny's head, adjuring his patient to 
 keep still while he tied it,
 
 ALL FOOLS 205 
 
 The pressure of the handkerchief apprised Mr. Lee- 
 Stretton of a bruise on his forehead, which, to judge from 
 its throbbing, seemed to have swollen to at least twice the 
 size of the parent head. Blackstone tied an unskilful knot, 
 which fretted the patient's left ear. Altogether he enjoyed 
 less ease after the bandaging than before, and the prospect 
 of spending some hours upon the cold boards in his present 
 plight was far from agreeable. 
 
 Blackstone sat down, hugging his knees for compactness' 
 sake. 
 
 "Now, Geegee, tell us how you came here ! " he said. 
 
 A snarl came from under the shelf. 
 
 " I met them in the music-hall, and they told me they 
 were respectable Count-fellows, so we had a drink. Then I 
 came with them in a hansom to this house. Moreover, 
 they said they would give me a glass of whisky to prevent 
 the catching of a cold. It was all a nasty-evil trick. 
 When I got into the room I had no whisky whatever. I 
 found the Jones friend of my dear beautiful Miss Wood- 
 ward asleep upon the sofa, and I went up to him in order 
 to clasp his hand in friendship. But before I could pay 
 him my courteous compliments, those wicked fellows 
 caught my arms and held me tight, while a dam-nasty- 
 abomination woman took away my watch and chain and my 
 diamond stud. I bit, and kicked, and swore all I knew : 
 but it was no good. 
 
 " Then a bell rang, and they pushed me into a dark 
 room, and one stuffed cotton-wool into my mouth, and tied 
 a handkerchief tight to keep it there, while another bound 
 my arms with string. Then the two men went out, and I 
 was left in the darkness, with only the nasty woman alone. 
 Then I heard the sound of fighting outside the door, and 
 your voices, which I knew. But my mouth was full of 
 cotton-wool, and I could not speak nor make any sound. 
 I heard you go into the room where my friend, Mr. Jones,
 
 206 ALL FOOLS 
 
 was asleep, and then the woman — the strongest woman in 
 all the world — opened the door and pushed me quick on to 
 the landing, where one of the Counts was kneeling, rubbing 
 himself, and groaning all over with pain. Then they 
 hurried me down here and put me into this filth-unsavoury 
 place. That is all." 
 
 Bunny exclaimed, " I say, Geegee, old boy, you've had a 
 narrow escape, you know," whereupon Brown Geegee 
 muttered : 
 
 " Ah, the evil filthmen ! Wait till I get at them with my 
 pocket-knife ! Meanwhile, I spit upon them in the 
 spirit. Do you know, Blackstone," he resumed, " I have 
 an idea that these are the very same satan-men who robbed 
 my friend Bunny many months ago." 
 
 " What an ass you are, Geegee ! Have you only just 
 found that out ? " 
 
 Brown Geegee snarled. " They are very wicked devil- 
 chaps ! I wish I could get at them ! I would spit upon 
 them, and I would dig them in their eyes with my pocket- 
 knife ! " 
 
 There was silence in the larder for some minutes. Then 
 Blackstone wondered aloud what Sammy would say when 
 he found them missing. 
 
 " He'll warn the first person he meets — probably his 
 wife — against the perils of chronic alcoholism," said Bunny, 
 with a pained chuckle. 
 
 Blackstone laughed at this sally, and the glowing end of 
 Brown Geegee's cigarette moved in weird sympathy with a 
 gurgling sound which proceeded from the smoker's 
 throat. 
 
 Then it was that the thought of the window as a possible 
 means of escape first came into Blackstone's mind. Bunny 
 was forthwith ordered to strike a match, and Brown Geegee^ 
 creeping from under his shelf, joined the others in their' 
 somewhat despondent survey of the tiny opening.
 
 ALL FOOLS 207 
 
 " Look here, image," said Blackstone abruptly, " do you 
 want to get out of this place ? " 
 
 "Yes, certainly, yes ! I shall be overjoyed to breathe 
 once more the sweet-balmy-sugar air of freedom ! " 
 
 " Then squeeze through that window and get a little 
 undiluted fog into your lungs." 
 
 The coloured gentleman spread out his hands in 
 deprecation. 
 
 " It is a satan-small window ; but I will try. Where is 
 my hat ? Oh, the fool-wicked chaps have stolen my new 
 silk hat ! " 
 
 Not only did Blackstone and Bunny show little concern 
 for the loss of their friend's head-gear ; but they advised 
 him to divest himself also of his overcoat, which would, 
 they said, be a hindrance to him in jumping to the ground. 
 They each laid hold of a sleeve of the fawn garment, and 
 pulled thereat, until the coloured gentleman stood shivering 
 in his thin dress-clothes. Then Geegee was hoisted upon 
 Blackstone's shoulders to the topmost shelf of all. He 
 opened the window and peered cautiously out, his teeth 
 chattering with the cold. 
 
 " What are you waiting for ? " asked the baronet 
 impatiently. 
 
 Brown Geegee muttered, " It is very dark outside. I 
 cannot see the ground. Moreover, it is ice - freezing- 
 chilly. Besides, perhaps there is a man out there with a 
 gun ! " 
 
 The match-box was handed up to him, with a warning to 
 be sparing of its contents, and he peered out once more. 
 
 " Ah, now I see the ground," he said. " It is quite close 
 — so close that I did not before notice it. There is a bush 
 just under the window. Ah, the aperture is very small. 
 Will someone please to give me a push ? " 
 
 There was a sharp cry of pain, as Blackstone brought his 
 strength to bear with both hands upon the coloured
 
 208 ALL FOOLS 
 
 gentleman's shoulders. Then came the rustle and thud of 
 a body falling among bushes. 
 
 " Are you all right ? " cried Blackstone. 
 " All right," was the reply ; " only very much bruised 
 and scratched and damaged. You are my very good 
 friend, Blackstone, but you are likewise a naughty fellow to 
 push me so violently. AVhat do you desire that I do next?" 
 " Go to the nearest house and see if there's a light in any 
 of the windows. If there is, knock and ring till somebody 
 comes. If there isn't, go on till you come to a house 
 where there is." 
 
 " But how am I to find my way out ? It is still very 
 foggy." 
 
 " Bear to the right, and keep straight on till you come to 
 a gate, or some railings, and then climb over. There are 
 houses on all sides, so you can't very well go wrong." 
 
 " You might throw me my overcoat ; it is ice-freezing 
 cold." 
 
 The fawn overcoat, thrust in bundle form through the 
 window, reached the ground in due course, and was grate- 
 fully acknowledged by its owner. 
 
 " Don't go playing any tricks, Geegee," said Blackstone, 
 in a tone of warning. " No cutting home to Sammy's and 
 leaving us in the lurch." 
 
 " You are my friends and I love you. Upon my sacred 
 word of solemn honour, I will jiot fail you in the hour of 
 your distress." 
 
 So Geegee passed out into the night, leaving his friends 
 not without misgivings as to his worthiness of the trust 
 placed in him. To the prisoners, sitting together in the 
 darkness of the larder, minutes seemed hours ; their doubt 
 of Brown Geegee had grown to suspicion, and suspicion to 
 certainty, long before the wished-for rescue came. But, in 
 truth, half an hour had scarcely elapsed before the coloured 
 gentleman redeemed his promise.
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 OF THE DEVIL AND HIS WILES. 
 
 Miss Millicent Woodward was far from being in the 
 best of spirits, those dark November days. Indoors, 
 whether at home or at the office, she found the artificial 
 light trying to her eyes ; but there was no means of escape, 
 save a plunge into the choking yellow fog of the streets, 
 scarcely less trying to the temper. 
 
 She dressed in the morning by the light of a candle, and 
 joined Percy in the gaslight of the breakfast-room. Then 
 came a groping walk to the railway station, twenty minutes 
 in a crowded compartment of the underground, then a 
 hurried jostling through city streets, ' with, perhaps, a 
 friendly push from a policeman at the crossing, and then 
 comparative comfort in the electric light of the office. 
 
 A deep-drawn sigh of relief was now the usual form of 
 greeting among the young ladies, as they hung up their hats 
 and cloaks in a little closet set apart for the purpose. 
 "This dreadful fog!" they exclaimed one to another. 
 " It's blinding ! It's choking ! How I found my way from 
 the station, I don't know ! It's like night." And then 
 they would sit down at their respective desks, and set to 
 work for dear life until one o'clock, when they repaired to 
 lunch — a slice of cake and a glass of milk, in most cases — 
 in the dazzling halls of the Crated Bread Company. 
 
 It had been Millicent's custom, time out of mind, to 
 take lunch at the same table with her friend, Rose Langley; 
 and this custom was the cause of much jealousy among the 
 
 209 o
 
 2IO ALL FOOLS 
 
 Other girls. Hailing from the south-eastern and northern 
 suburbs, the latter were prone to resent any symptoms of 
 " standoffishness," on the part of the only two whose 
 address ended in a capital W. Moreover, the report ran 
 that Miss Langley had high connections. The ease which 
 her maiden aunt enjoyed — thanks to an annuity, which 
 would die with her — was magnified, in the mouth of rumour, 
 to vast wealth. There were even hints of a distant cousin 
 in the House of Lords. Not one of the girls but longed to 
 be on intimate terms with Rose ; and all agreed in resent- 
 ing that young lady's infatuation with Millicent, as a 
 personal grievance. 
 
 "Birds of a feather flock together," said one of these mal- 
 contents, with the contemptuous curl of a full red lip. 
 " Did you ever see such conceit in all your life ? We're 
 not good enough for them — oh, dear, no ! " 
 
 " A couple of dressed-up madams ! " said another, with a 
 sneer, all the feathers and bows in a peculiarly ornate hat 
 quivering with disdain. " As if they didn't work for their 
 living the same as we do. Really, dear, the way that Milly 
 Woodward carries on — well, some people may call it re- 
 spectable, but it's not my style." 
 
 Such criticisms as these passed at lunch-time, when the 
 subjects were well out of ear-shot. Openly, the girls had 
 nothing but smiles and endearments for their comrades 
 of the aristocratic west. They be-deared and be-darlinged 
 Rose and Millicent with the utmost effusion, made tender 
 inquiries as to their health, and hoped roguishly that " he " 
 was quite well. 
 
 " You are not looking so well this morning, dear ! I 
 shall have to write and tell him to take more care of you ! " 
 or " What a colour you have ! I should like to know what 
 he has been saying to brighten you up so ! " were common 
 greetings among these girls, the " he " referred to being 
 that attendant and expectant swain which each young lady
 
 ALL FOOLS 211 
 
 made it a point of honour to have, or to say that she had, in 
 attendance. 
 
 Milly, whose satellite had been observed in the corridor 
 upon more than one occasion, came in for a large share of 
 these innuendoes. Neither she nor Rose had so much as an 
 inkling that they were objects of jealousy to the other girls, 
 or that their friendship was much discussed and criticised in 
 the brief leisure for conversation afforded by lunch-time. 
 
 It was on the third day of the dense fog, when the two 
 friends were lunching at their own particular table by 
 the window, whence a view of a near street-lamp — a patch of 
 pale lemon haze amid the fog — and nothing else was 
 obtainable, that Rose handed a note to Millicent. 
 
 " It's from my aunt," she said ; " she wants you to come 
 home with me to supper to-morrow evening. If it's at all 
 foggy you're to stay the night. I won't hear of a refusal. 
 I've asked you so many times and you've never been able 
 to come. This time I got auntie to write, so that you 
 should have no loop-hole of escape. You can show the 
 letter to your mother, dear, and she'll be sure to give you 
 leave." 
 
 Millicent tore open the envelope and glanced through its 
 contents. 
 
 "I don't know, I'm sure," she said. "My mother's an 
 invalid, you see, and she counts on a talk with me in the 
 evening." 
 
 " Your brother will be there, you know," pleaded Rose. 
 " It isn't as if Mrs. Woodward would be alone." 
 
 " I see no reason why I shouldn't accept," said Milly, 
 " but I can't let you know for certain till to-morrow 
 morning." 
 
 Rose said, " There's a dear," taking the final consent for 
 granted. 
 
 Their cake and milk being long since disposed of, they 
 paid at the desk and went back to their work.
 
 212 ALL FOOLS 
 
 The other young ladies nudged each other and tittered 
 spitefully, next morning, when it became known that Milli- 
 cent was to sup and stay the night at Miss Langley's home. 
 Yet when five o'clock came and the friends set out for the 
 station they were loud in their wishes of a "pleasant 
 evening," adding a hope that they would not " get run over 
 or anything in that dreadful fog." 
 
 This hope was uppermost in the minds of the two girls 
 when, half an hour later, they emerged from the oppressive, 
 sulphurous depth of the Underground into the yet more op- 
 pressive fog, which hung like a pall over the upper world, 
 and stood trembling upon the edge of the pavement 
 outside High Street, Kensington Station. After many false 
 starts, some clutching at one another's arms, and not a few 
 engaging little screams, they launched out into the gloom 
 and reached the opposite side without mishap. After that 
 all was easy, for the region of Campden Hill is at all times 
 remarkable for the scarcity of wheeled vehicles, and Rose 
 could have found her way to Hertford Gardens blindfold. 
 
 The aunt — a slender, white-haired old lady of benevolent 
 aspect — met them at the door, her face expressive of 
 relief. 
 
 *' My dear Miss Woodward, how do you do ! " she said, 
 holding Millicent's hand in hers. "I have heard so much 
 of you from Rose that it is a great pleasure to me to make 
 your acquaintance. How cold you are ! I can feel your 
 hand like ice through your glove. Come to the fire and 
 get warm before you go upstairs to your room. I was 
 getting quite anxious about you, fearing you might have lost 
 your way in this darkness. Sit down, my dear, and get 
 warm." 
 
 Milly sat down and, drawing off her gloves, stretched ou 
 her hands to the blaze, while the old lady chatted away in 
 her pleasant, gentle voice about the fog, how it would get 
 into the house in spite of all her care to keep doors and
 
 ALL FOOLS 213 
 
 windows closed, how choking it was, and how it left a sooty 
 deposit upon everything. 
 
 Then the two girls went upstairs for half an hour, and 
 came down to supper, fresh and dewy from their toilet. 
 They stood demurely while the old lady murmured a long 
 grace, which was repeated, with very little change in the 
 wording, at the close of the meal. 
 
 " I hope it didn't bore you very much — the grace, I 
 mean," whispered Rose, as they adjourned to the drawing- 
 room. ''Auntie always will make it so long. I've tried to 
 get her to learn a shorter one — in fact, I spent quite a lot 
 of time collecting short graces for her approval. But she 
 would have none of them, because they made no mention 
 of the devil ! " 
 
 Millicent wondered very much at this, but she made no 
 remark for fear of hurting her friend's feelings. Now that 
 she came to think of it, the grace had been neither more 
 nor less than an elaborate prayer against the wiles of the 
 Adversary, seeming to indicate a fear lest the Arch-enemy 
 of mankind should condescend to play tricks with the 
 victuals. Indeed, Satan was the bugbear of the elder Miss 
 Langley's life. Brought up in an evangelical school to a 
 belief in an omnipresent, ultra-personal, evil spirit, her 
 limited imagination invested him with the qualities of a 
 mischievous schoolboy. He was ready for any prank, 
 from pulling her lace cap awry, or snatching the food from 
 her mouth, to setting the house on fire. He lurked in the 
 dark places of the stairs, ready to clutch at her legs as she 
 went up to bed. For the like purpose he lay hid among 
 the bushes of the little garden whenever Miss Langley ven- 
 tured out after dark, and only the diligent humming of a 
 psalm tune enabled her to elude his grasp. In the daylight 
 she was less nervous of his presence ; but when night fell 
 and darkness was about the house — well, was not one of 
 his titles the Prince of Darkness ?
 
 214 ALL FOOLS 
 
 Unaware of the true state of the case, MilHcent received 
 her friend's apology for the grace in mystified silence. She 
 glanced, not without awe, at the benignant face of the old 
 lady, who sat with her knitting in an arm-chair by the fire. 
 Surely she could not be a devil-worshipper ? Milly was 
 puzzled for a moment ; but, becoming absorbed in a game 
 of chess with Rose, the matter escaped her mind. 
 
 But when, her cherished plan being frustrated by an un- 
 foreseen move on Milly's part, Rose exclaimed, " Oh, 
 bother ! " the old lady, who had been dozing over her 
 knitting, raised her head and looked mild reproval at her 
 niece. 
 
 " I wish, my dear, you would abstain from senseless 
 exclamations ! " 
 
 Rose pouted. 
 
 " There's no harm in ' bother ' ! " 
 
 " No harm in the word itself, my love. But, as you use 
 it, it is an idle word, and we are expressly warned against 
 idle words, as a special snare of the evil one." 
 
 She spoke with a gentle earnestness that was very im- 
 pressive. Rose bit her lip, seeming to concentrate her 
 attention upon the chess-board. 
 
 Millicent began to understand her friend's strange re- 
 mark about the grace. But she thought Rose a little too 
 ready to scoff at tlie tenderness of her aunt's conscience. 
 She was such a dear old lady, so kind and thoughtful for 
 others. A wish welled up in her heart that her mother had 
 been a little more like Miss Langley, but her loyalty stifled 
 it at once. 
 
 It was long ere Rose, an expert chess-player, succeeded 
 in checkmating her less practised rival ; for the moves 
 were but incidents in a confidential chat, and the pieces 
 were often forgotten for minutes at a time. 
 
 " Shall we have another game ? " she asked. " You 
 didn't have a fair chance ! "
 
 ALL FOOLS 215 
 
 Millicent consented. But the new game was conducted 
 on lines even more dilatory than its predecessor. The con- 
 versation turned upon men and the ways of men, as exem- 
 plified by the admirers, past and present, of either young 
 lady. Each anecdote provoked much laughter, and the 
 fact that such laughter had to be kept within bounds, for 
 fear of disturbing the old lady's nap, only added zest to 
 their enjoyment. 
 
 At length the aunt started to wakefulness, saying : 
 
 " I fear you have found me a dull hostess. Miss Wood- 
 ward. Why, Rose ! " she exclaimed, catching sight of the 
 clock upon the mantelpiece. " It's eleven o'clock, and the 
 maids will be wanting to go to bed. We must have prayers 
 at once ! " 
 
 She rang the bell, with the result that the cook and 
 housemaid entered the room, closing the door softly be- 
 hind them. Miss I<angley read prayers very slowly, in a 
 droning voice, incentive to drowsiness, and quite different 
 to her secular way of speaking. Millicent, a devout little 
 figure, with her head buried in an armchair, was half-way to 
 dreamland ere the final amen, and a shufifling of feet and 
 chairs announced that the function was at an end. She 
 rose, rubbing her eyes. The servants had vanished, and 
 their mistress was standing by the table, evidently wishing 
 to say good-night. 
 
 Rose pleaded. 
 
 " Mayn't we sit up, just this once, auntie, to finish our 
 game of chess ? " 
 
 " You know what a difficulty there always is about getting 
 you up in the morning, dear ! But, perhaps, just for this 
 evening — in consideration of Miss Woodward's visit." 
 
 The unselfish old lady, who always challenged Satan to 
 single combat by going to bed last of the little household, 
 to make sure that all was safe, picked up her knitting once 
 more, and straightway fell a-dozing in her easy-chair.
 
 2l6 ALL FOOLS 
 
 The long hand of the clock upon the mantelpiece was 
 drawing near to its smaller comrade and the awesome hour 
 of midnight, when a knock resounded through the house — 
 a single knock, abrupt, as if the visitor, alarmed at his own 
 temerity, had suddenly let go the knocker. 
 
 " Bless my soul ! what's that ? " cried the old lady, clutch- 
 ing wildly at the arms of her chair. 
 
 " You shouldn't use idle words, auntie ! " said her niece 
 reprovingly. " I'll go and see what it is. Please come too, 
 Milly ! I own to feeling a little creepy myself ! " 
 
 The old lady listened to the opening of the front door, 
 which was followed by exclamations of surprise, and a flow 
 of what sounded like bad language with an apologetic ring 
 in it. Then the door was shut, and the two girls returned, 
 ushering a grotesque figure into the sitting-room. 
 
 Miss Langley started to her feet. Her face was pale, her 
 eyes round with horror. 
 
 "It is Satan himself!" she faltered. It needed all the 
 force of a rigid, Protestant upbringing to restrain her from 
 crossing herself. 
 
 The figure made an elaborate bow, and a pair of bright 
 almond eyes leered ghastly upon her from the puckers of a 
 dusky face. Its sleek, black hair was dishevelled, and its 
 brown hands were spread out in deprecation. It wore a 
 long fawn garment of eccentric cut. 
 
 Milly said nervously : " This is Mr. Geegee, a friend of 
 mine." 
 
 The old lady shook her head. 
 
 " Ah, he has many names ! " she murmured. 
 
 " He has been robbed and ill-treated," Millicent was 
 going on to say ; but the old lady, slowly recovering from 
 the first shock of the coloured gentleman's appearance, 
 interrupted her : 
 
 " Who and what is he ? " 
 
 " He is an Indian gentleman — a friend of my fiance.
 
 ALL FOOLS 217 
 
 He is at present studying for some examination, I 
 think." 
 
 " Yes, honoured madam, it is quite true," Brown Geegee 
 corroborated, his hand upon his heart. "I at present read 
 diligently for the Indian Civil Service. Moreover, reverend 
 madam, I have this night been much damaged by nasty- 
 wicked filthmen." 
 
 The old lady winced at the epithets. Beginning to realise 
 that the visitor was neither more nor less than human, she 
 begged him to take a seat and explain his business. 
 
 Brown Geegee complied, and, with a mirthless grin, took 
 up the burden of his tale. He told, with great volubility, 
 of his abduction from the music-hall, of his discovery of 
 Mr. Jones, and of his subsequent sufferings in the German's 
 house ; of the gallant attempt at rescue by Blackstone and 
 Bunny, ending in the darkness of a larder, and a broken 
 head for one of them. He told of his own valiant but 
 painful squeeze through the narrow window, and the words 
 of his mouth jostled one another in his excitement. 
 
 " That is all, honoured madam," he concluded. " I 
 came to the first house wherein I saw a light, and whom 
 should I see but my dear beautiful Miss Woodward, whom 
 we all love, standing just inside the door ! I beseech your 
 help, respectable madam. You are a kind-good-sweet old 
 lady, and I love you. I beseech your help for my poor 
 friends, who are still in the dam-satan-filth larder." 
 
 Miss Langley pressed her hands to her ears. 
 
 " Hush, oh, hush !" she murmured, in great distress. " I 
 am sure, sir, that you have spoken in haste. You cannot 
 have reflected seriously upon the meaning of those awful 
 words ! " 
 
 Brown Geegee grinned from ear to ear in his most con* 
 ciliatory manner. 
 
 " I beg your pardon ! It was not my intention to damage 
 you in the least ! I ask only that you will help me to
 
 2l8 ALL FOOLS 
 
 release my wretched friends from the power of wicked- 
 devil fellows ! " 
 
 " Oh, sir ! I beg you to desist ! " cried the old lady. 
 There was a wail for poor humanity in her voice. " I fear 
 that you have fallen into evil company. You own that you 
 have spent a part of this evening at a music-hall. Let your 
 sufferings be a warning for the future. And oh, abstain 
 from vain repetitions and idle oaths ! " 
 
 " I ask your assistance for my imprisoned friends ! " cried 
 Brown Geegee, with an appealing gesture. 
 
 Miss Langley wrung her hands, 
 
 ' What can I, a weak woman, do ? We have no man in 
 the house, or I would send him with you." 
 
 " I will go," said Millicent, coming to a sudden resolu- 
 tion. And, before the old lady could remonstrate, she was 
 half-way upstairs in search of hat and jacket. Rose followed 
 with the like impetus, so that Miss Langley and the coloured 
 gentleman were left to the embarrassment of a teie-a-tete. 
 Brown Geegee was restless in his chair, under the mild, 
 reproving glance of his hostess. His eyes rolled, and his 
 face underwent the most frightful contortions. 
 
 " It is very rash of Miss Woodward to undertake this 
 dangerous mission," she said at length. " I fear that my 
 niece will insist upon accompanying her." 
 
 " I am very sorry," murmured Brown Geegee, with a 
 cordial grin. " If you like, I will tell them not to come." 
 
 " Too late, I fear. The mischief is already done." 
 
 There was silence between them for some seconds. 
 Then Miss Langley rose and walked across the room to a 
 bookcase. She returned with a small bundle of papers, 
 which she handed to Brown Geegee, saying kindly : 
 
 " I think and hope that you will find them a help to 
 you." 
 
 Brown Geegee glanced at the title of the uppermost. It 
 was a tract published in connection with the Zenana
 
 ALL FOOLS 219 
 
 Mission, and could hardly fail to have a beneficial effect 
 upon an Indian gentleman, the old lady thought. There 
 was, besiiles, the annual report of the mission, with other 
 tracts upon the same subject. 
 
 Brown Geegee's embarrassed soul took refuge in a grin — 
 a very complex grin, of long duration. Indeed, he was 
 still grinning at the papers upon his knee when Millicent 
 and Rose reappeared, dressed for a walk. 
 
 " I think you extremely foolish to set out upon so 
 dangerous an enterprise," said the old lady sharply. "At 
 this hour of the night, too. It is most inconsiderate of this 
 young man to come to us for help, when there is a police- 
 station within ten minutes' walk." 
 
 Brown Geegee, who had never thought of the police, was 
 for acting upon this hint at once ; but Millicent stopped 
 him. 
 
 " I have very particular reasons, Miss Langley, for wish- 
 ing to keep all this private," she said. " I have explained 
 them to Rose, and she quite agrees with me.'' 
 
 " But have you thought of the risk you will run in enter- 
 ing a house of ill-repute at midnight ? No, Rose, I cannot 
 allow you to go. Go upstairs at once and take off your 
 things. The danger is too great." 
 
 " Indeed, Miss Langley, I do not think that we shall run 
 any risk," said Milly. " I mean to go into the house alone, 
 leaving Rose and Mr. Geegee outside. I shall take care to 
 let the inmates know that I have friends at hand to help me 
 if need be. I do not think that they will care to harm 
 me." 
 
 ''There is something in what you say. Yet I cannot but 
 consider it a rash undertaking — especially for a young girl. 
 It is far from proper, considering that the persons you 
 intend to rescue are of the opposite sex. But my notions 
 are old-fashioned, I am aware. Girls nowadays are very 
 wayward and impatient of restraint."
 
 220 ALL FOOLS 
 
 Milly was earnest in her denial of this charge. 
 
 "Indeed, it is not that. One of the gentlemen who is 
 shut up is my fia/ia' ; and the other is a — is a very great 
 friend. And there is another reason, which, I have ex- 
 plained to Rose, makes it my duty to go." 
 
 The word " duty " rang soothingly in Miss Langley's ears, 
 as the sound of a silver trumpet far away. Her face 
 relaxed and she breathed more freely. 
 
 " Of course, my dear, if it is a question of duty I have no 
 right to hinder you. But need you take Rose? She is 
 delicate and very liable to catch cold." 
 
 " I'm going, auntie dear," said Rose coaxingly. " You 
 wouldn't have me let Milly go alone. Besides, Mr. Geegee 
 would be so lonely outside all by himself." 
 
 She shot a roguish glance at the coloured gentleman, 
 who responded by a fiendish chuckle and a leer of quite 
 preternatural cunning. 
 
 "Rose, how can you!" exclaimed her aunt, shocked at 
 her niece's forward conduct. Then, in a more kindly tone 
 " I wish you safe back from the bottom of my heart." 
 
 Rose followed Millicent into the hall, with eyes twinkling 
 over her shoulder at the coloured gentleman. Brown 
 Geegee bowed low to his hostess, murmured, " Good-night, 
 respectable lady. Nice dreams ! " and hurried after the two 
 girls. 
 
 No sooner had the door of the house closed behind 
 them than Miss Langley became aware of a little pile of 
 tracts under the chair lately occupied by the coloured 
 gentleman. Not having as yet attained to the dignity of a 
 Zenana, Brown Geegee had rejected the publications as 
 irrelevant.
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 OF THE HEROIC ENTRY OF MISS WOODWARD INTO THE 
 GERMANS* HOUSE, WITH MUCH OF KISSING, AND OF THE 
 ILL REWARD WHICH AN INDIAN GENTLEMAN HAD FOR 
 ALL HIS PAINS. 
 
 " What number did you say ? " asked MilHcent, as the three 
 stood together on the pavement, with the fog cold and 
 clammy about them. 
 
 Brown Geegee broke out with his wonted volubility : 
 
 " It is most unfortunate, but I have not a good memory. 
 Moreover, I do not remember ever to have heard the filth- 
 number of that satan-devil house. It is close by — that is 
 all." 
 
 " I know it quite well," said Rose. " It is number 
 seventy-five, only two doors off. I've noticed those 
 Germans lots of times. They are always driving about in 
 hansoms." 
 
 Millicent resigned herself to her friend's guidance, with 
 the result that, after some groping and the burning of three 
 of Brown Geegee's wax vestas, they succeeded in finding 
 the right gate. A sudden longing to run away took hold of 
 Millicent. She paused irresolute, the handle of the gate in 
 her grasp. Then the thought of the poor fellows shut up 
 in the dark, cold larder came as a tonic, and she Hfted the 
 latch. 
 
 " Mr. Geegee, I want you to stay here and take care of 
 Rose," she said. "If you hear me call, please make as 
 much noise as you can, and come to my help. I am not
 
 222 ALL FOOLS 
 
 given to screaming upon slight occasion, so you will be 
 quite justified in breaking into the house." 
 
 "Very good. I will stay with Rose. What beauty in 
 the name ! How sweet, how fresh, how innocent ! " 
 
 The owner of the name gave a little laugh. The coloured 
 gentleman amused her very much. He was something 
 between a clown and a monkey in her eyes. 
 
 " Mind, I trust you to take great care of Rose, Mr. 
 Geegee ! " reiterated Millicent from the doorstep. 
 
 " Repose your confidence in me. Rose is a good girl. 
 Moreover, she is beautiful, and I love her ! " 
 
 With a beating heart she grasped the knocker, and, 
 closing her eyes lest she should see something to daunt 
 her, inflicted a sounding rap upon the door. All was 
 silence in and around the house. No sign or sound of life 
 save the voices of Rose and Brown Geegee conversing in 
 low tones. 
 
 A second knock was equally without effect, but at the 
 third — that mystic number, how can we avoid it ?— a light 
 appeared in the upper storey, vanished, and, after a short 
 interval, reappeared in the hall. 
 
 '"Go's there?" came a sleepy voice through the keyhole. 
 
 Milly whispered, "It's only me," which was perhaps the 
 most natural and insane remark that she could have made. 
 It had the desired effect. A hand was heard to fumble 
 with bolts and a chain, and the door was opened a very 
 little way. 
 
 " 'Go's ' me ' ? " 
 
 " I'm ' me,' of course ! How silly you are to-night ! " she 
 said, hoping to impose upon the sleepy halfconsciousness 
 of the janitor. 
 
 •' Well, 'ow was— I to know ? " 
 
 The sentence was broken in the middle by a yawn. The 
 door opened to admit of the passage of a human body. 
 Summoning all her courage, Millicent stepped into the hall
 
 ALL FOOLS 223 
 
 " 'Oo are you, miss ? I don't remember to 've seen you 
 before," murmured the servant, blinking at the visitor. 
 "Lor' ! 'ow the fog do find out the weak places in a body !" 
 
 The maid shivered as she spoke, and no wonder. She 
 had come straight from bed, with only a shawl thrown 
 hastily over her night-dress to protect her from the cold. 
 
 " The Counts is gone out, miss," she continued, wrapping 
 her shawl closer about her. "They was up and down- 
 stairs like mad for 'alf an hour or more, and then I 'eard 
 the back-door bang. I 'spect the Countess 've gone along 
 with 'em, though what they want to go out for at this time 
 o' night I can't think ! " 
 
 Milly said, " I wish to see Mr. Jones." 
 
 "'E'sin the drawin'-room, miss. 'E's mostly 'toxicated 
 of a night, and sleeps on the sofa. 'E's never abed afore 
 five or six in the mornin' ! " 
 
 " Well, show me to the drawing-room at once ! " 
 
 The maid took her candle from the table and led the 
 way upstairs. 
 
 " Ah, it's warmer 'ere ! " she said, with a final shiver, as 
 they entered the room. She turned up the gas and looked 
 to the divan, whence came an irregular, snoring sound. 
 ** There 'e is, miss ! " 
 
 It was Millicent's turn to shiver. Could that sodden 
 face, with its unnatural, shiny redness, be the face of the 
 once dapper Harry Jones ? Her heart smote her with the 
 thought that her disdainful apathy had brought him to this. 
 " I wish to speak to him," she said. " Do you think we 
 could manage to rouse him ? " 
 
 " A dowsin' with cold water might do it, miss. We can 
 but try, as the sayin' goes." 
 
 The maid passed, with a shiver, into the adjoining room, 
 and, returning with a bedroom jug, emptied the entire 
 contents over the head and shoulders ot Mr. Jones. 
 
 " Now I've been and gone and done it ! " she muttered
 
 224 ALL FOOLS 
 
 remorsefully. " I always am that thoughtless ! There's 
 the couch spoilt now ! " 
 
 The gentleman on the divan gave vent to a portentous 
 snore, ending in a hiccup and a shudder. He murmured, 
 " Shurrup ! " and then, roused by discomfort to a sense of 
 the presence of ladies, added, " Beg — your — par — don ! " 
 and " Pril lil dearsh ! " 
 
 Millicent drew nearer to him. 
 
 " Mr. Jones, I'm ashamed of you," she said. " You, 
 who used to be so nice and gentlemanlj', to let 3'ourself 
 sink to this." 
 
 Harry Jones blinked at her, murmuring, " I beg your 
 par-don," over and over again, until a faint notion that 
 something more was expected of him dawned upon his 
 muddled brain, when he smiled and said, with an effort 
 at distinctness, " I am trazeman's son. Aware of 
 facsh." 
 
 The atmosphere of the room was sickly with the smell of 
 spirits ; Millicent felt ill, and longed to be away. 
 
 "You'd best let 'im alone for a minute or two, miss,' 
 said the maid, eyeing the drunkard critically ; " the water's 
 bound to sober 'im in time." 
 
 MiUicent said, "Very well, then. Take me, if you 
 please, to the larder." 
 " To where, miss ? " 
 
 The girl's eyes were round and bright with wonder. 
 " To the larder," said Millicent quietly. 
 " If it's somethink to eat you want, there ain't nothink 
 there, 'cept a bit o' cheese." 
 
 " No, I am not hungry, but I must go to the larder at 
 once. You are in your nightdress and will be cold. 
 Here ; wrap this round you." Picking up from the sofa a 
 blanket of many colours, she shook out the folds and flung 
 it deftly about the girl's shoulders. " There, that covers 
 you nicely."
 
 ALL FOOLS 225 
 
 " Beggin' your pardon, miss, you makes yerself pretty 
 free for a stranger." 
 
 Millicent had long since made up her mind that the 
 servant must know the truth ; so she repeated all that was 
 essential of Brown Geegee's narrative, the girl filling up 
 every pause with a gasp and a " Well, I never ! " It was 
 very evident that she had been kept entirely in the dark 
 with regard to the means by which her masters gained 
 their living. 
 
 *' And to think o' the gentry bein' shut in my larder, of 
 all places ! " she exclaimed. " And me not scrubbed it 
 for more'n a week. This way, miss." 
 
 With that, she snatched up the candle, and led the way 
 downstairs as quickly as the tripping length of her 
 blanket would allow. 
 
 " I don't think your masters — the Counts, as you call 
 them — will come back to this neighbourhood again," 
 said Millicent, as she followed. 
 
 '• No, 'taint likely. And a good riddance, too. Mr. 
 Jones 'e pays the rent. The Counts was always a-borrowin' 
 money off 'im. And 'e'U 'ave to pay me my wages to-mor- 
 row. I won't stay in this 'ouse another day — as true as I 
 stand 'ere, I won't." 
 
 Arrived in the hall, Millicent bade her guide wait a 
 minute, and hurried to the door. The fog poured into the 
 passage with the density of smoke. 
 
 " Rose," she called. 
 
 " Yes, what is it, dear ? " Two forms, linked arm in 
 arm, loomed through the fog. " Mr. Geegee has been 
 making me laugh, until I hardly know where I am." 
 
 Milly explained. " There is no danger whatever. The 
 Germans have run away, and poor Mr. Jones is hopelessly 
 drunk. I'm just going down to the larder. You'd better 
 come in out of the fog." 
 
 " What, there's more of you, ia there ? " the maid ex-
 
 226 ALL FOOLS 
 
 claimed, as Millicent closed the door behind the newcomers. 
 She gave a friendly grin of recognition to Brown Geegee, 
 setting him down in her mind as " one of these 'ere nigger 
 chaps," whose antics had delighted her when she had been 
 privileged to pay a tripper's visit to Margate. 
 
 She led the way along the passage and down the steps, 
 the voluminous folds of her gaudy blanket giving her some- 
 what the appearance of a Red Indian squaw. A pair of 
 carpet slippers flapped off and on her feet at every step. 
 
 " Ah, that is the place," cried Brown Geegee excitedly, 
 pointing to a pile of furniture in one corner of the kitchen. 
 " Bunny, Blackstone ! my very good friends. I am 
 come ! I am here ! " 
 
 A deep halloa came from behind the barricade. 
 
 " There's no time to be lost," said Milly ; and the three 
 set to the work of demolition with a will, removing the 
 obstacles one by one, while the maid stood by, holding the 
 light. At length the kitchen dresser, the foundation of the 
 pile, was pushed aside, and the door was laid bare. 
 
 " The key is there 1 The key is there ! " cried Rose 
 Langley. 
 
 An adventurous soul by nature, the events of the night 
 had strung her nerves to the highest pitch of excitement. 
 
 Brown Geegee was stepping forward to do the unlocking, 
 when there came a sudden, violent thud, and the door flew 
 open, coming in vivid contact with the thin, bony nose of 
 the gallant rescuer, who was hurled back against the dresser, 
 yelHng with pain. Rose flew to his side. 
 
 " Are you much hurt ? Oh, poor fellow, poor fellow ! " 
 she cried. And, in a moment she had the coloured gentle- 
 man folded in her arms, fondling his head upon her 
 bosom. 
 
 " Oh, Rose ! What would your aunt say ? " cried Milli- 
 cent, horrified. But her horror found no further vent in 
 words, for, before siie had time lo look round or expostulate.
 
 ALL FOOLS 227 
 
 a pair of moderately strong arms were about her in a bear- 
 like hug, and a rabbit-mouth was pressed again and 
 again to her cheek. 
 
 " Well, I'm blowed. I suppose I'm meant to go for the 
 woman in the hearth-rug ! " said Blackstone, reviewing the 
 situation. " I broke open the door, and yet I'm the only 
 chap who hasn't got a girl to make a fuss of him." 
 
 The maid looked a modest invitation, but the baronet 
 was indisposed. 
 
 "When you've done, Bunny," he continued, "and when 
 the other young lady has quite finished with Geegee, I fancy 
 it'll be about time we cleared out of this." 
 
 Bunny's attention wandering for a moment from the 
 matter in hand — in arms, to be more accurate — Milly seized the 
 opportunity to wriggle herself free, and made haste to en- 
 trench herself behind the dresser. About the same time. 
 Brown Geegee declaring himself much better — small 
 wonder, for he had enjoyed the best of medicine — Miss 
 Rose suddenly awoke to the fact that she had been behav- 
 ing in a somewhat unmaidenly fashion. She withdrew to 
 Millicent's side, blushing and whispering : 
 
 " I couldn't help it, dear ; indeed, I couldn't ! When I 
 saw that poor, dear, comical Uttle darling get such an ugly 
 knock, I 'pitied him so." 
 
 Millicent did not answer. She was still breathless from 
 her struggle with Bunny. Moreover, she was not a little 
 indignant. 
 
 " So silly of Douglas ! " she thought ; " and before Mr. 
 Blackstone, too." 
 
 Though why the simple fact of Blackstone's presence 
 should discompose her so, was not very clear at the time, 
 even to herself 
 
 " But I say, you know ! " cried Bunny. " It's too bad ; 
 beastly hard on a fellow, I call it ! " 
 
 " Who or what is ' beastly hard on a fellow ' ? "
 
 228 ALL FOOLS 
 
 she asked, mimicking him in her most aggravating 
 manner. 
 
 " You are ! " he retorted, with a grin. *' Now, perhaps, 
 you won't mind telling a chap how you got here ? " 
 
 Millicent told the story in few words, Rose adding a few 
 more by way of foot-note. 
 
 " I say, you know ! " Bunny exclaimed. " It's the 
 rummiest coincidence ever I heard of." 
 
 Millicent looked steadfastly at her adorer and laughed 
 merrily. 
 
 " I beg your pardon, Douglas, but you do look so funny 
 with that handkerchief tied round your head. The ends 
 are hanging down over your ear. You can't think what a 
 sight you are ! " 
 
 Blackstone surveyed his handiwork with a certain pride. 
 
 "I tied that bandage," he said. "Not bad for a 
 beginner — eh ? " 
 
 Millicent dropped her eyes demurely. 
 
 " I beg your pardon, Sir Arthur ; I had no idea that it 
 was your doing, or I should not have presumed to criticise 
 it." 
 
 " I wonder what that's for ? " Blackstone thought. 
 " Treats me like a stranger all at once." 
 
 He felt her retort as a snub, and fell to wondering what 
 he could have done or said to deserve it. 
 
 " But I say, you know ! " Bunny broke out in indignation. 
 " What's wrong with you to-night, Milly ? You don't seem 
 to care a bit that I've been and cut my head open — 
 beastly painful it is too, I can tell you — but you go into fits 
 over the bandage. If you think you could tie the thing 
 better yourself, come and do it." 
 
 Geegee moaned, " Oh, oh," holding his handkerchief to 
 his nose. " It bleeds, it bleeds ; my handkerchief is all 
 over bloodiness. Oh, who will lend me another to stop the 
 nasty-devil streaming ? "
 
 ALL FOOLS 229 
 
 Rose, in the prodigality of her compassion, lianded him 
 a dainty square of cambric, edged with lace, one of her 
 choicest treasures. 
 
 " We'd better be clearing out of this," said Blackstone, 
 who had all this time been leaning moodily against the 
 larder-door, viewing the weirdly-draped person of the maid 
 and light-bearer with a curious eye. " Here's a girl with 
 nothing but a hearth-rug on — and that doesn't cover her 
 ankles- -shivering like anything. She'll catch her death of 
 cold, if we keep her here much longer." 
 
 The reference to her bare ankles crimsoned the cheeks 
 of the maid. She tried to drag down the blanket so as to 
 cloak her extremities, and, in so doing, revealed a broad 
 shoulder, shrouded in the white garment of the night. 
 
 Blackstone took a malicious pleasure in the girl's con. 
 fusion. " I was wrong when I said that she had nothing 
 but a hearthrug on," he announced deliberately. " She has 
 got on something white underneath." 
 
 " It's too bad of you ! " cried Miily indignantly. " She 
 has been such a help to me, too ! I won't have her bullied, 
 Sir Arthur ! " 
 
 Blackstone smiled placidly. " Won't you ? Then I 
 won't say another word to her. I had to do something, 
 you know, to remind you people that it's past one o'clock, 
 and we've all got to get home." 
 
 " I think Mr. Jones '11 be pretty sober by now, miss," 
 proffered the servant. " If you still wishes to speak to him, 
 that is." 
 
 " Would you mind coming upstairs and helping me. Sir 
 Arthur?" said Millicent. She looked naturally to Black- 
 stone for support, who had dealt with Harry Jones so ably 
 upon a former occasion. Sir Arthur bowed his readiness. 
 
 Bunny interposed. " But I say, you know, mayn't I 
 come too ? I can't have Blackstone poaching on my 
 preserves ! "
 
 230 ALL FOOLS 
 
 Millicent winced, and Blackstone cursed Bunny in his 
 heart for a fool. 
 
 " There is no reason why you shouldn't all come," she 
 said. ** I only asked Mr. Blackstone because I thought — 
 at least I remembered — " 
 
 "That's better," Blackstone interrupted, enjoying the 
 warmth of the mere mister, and anxious to forestall any 
 allusion to his former prowess. " Come along ! I'm 
 awfully sorry about that door, Geegee ! Cheer up, old 
 chap ! It might have been worse, and, anyway, you've 
 behaved like a true Briton to-night." 
 
 Brown Geegee's eyes twinkled with delight, and his mouth 
 expanded to a gleaming smile. He forgot all about the 
 pain and the big purple swelling where his nose was won't 
 to be. Offering his arm to Miss Langley, he follow^ed the 
 rest of the party upstairs — a subtle joy tugging at his dusky 
 heart-strings. 
 
 "Well, I never thought to see such goin's-on in my 
 kitchen," said the maid, as she led the way with the candle, 
 speaking over her shoulder to Milly. " It does a body's 
 'eart good to see folk a-kissin' and a-'uggin' like that. But 
 I've a likin' for big men myself, I must say. I declare, 
 when I see that there giant come burstin' out of my 
 larder, like Samsing in all his glory, you could 've knocked 
 me down with a feather, though I say it as shouldn't ! " 
 
 But Millicent only smiled, and said, " Please go on ! " 
 She was hampered in her movements by the eccentric con- 
 duct of Bunny, who made frequent grabs at her from 
 behind, and succeeded once in kissing the nape of her 
 neck.
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 IN WHICH THE DRUNKENNESS OF MR. JONES, THE FLABBI- 
 NESS OF RAW MEAT, THE JEALOUSY OF MR. LEE- 
 STRETTON, AND THE STRANGE CONDUCT OF AN 
 INDIAN GENTLEMAN ARE DULY SET FORTH. 
 
 Whosoever has beheld a seal fresh from his gambols in 
 the brine basking, wet and shiny, upon a rock or the 
 asphalt margin of the basin in the Zoological Gardens, his 
 eyes, maudlin with a clumsy pathos, blinking in the light of 
 day, his moustache dank and dripping — whosoever has seen 
 this, I say, will have some notion of Mr. Jones, sometime 
 traveller in the bedstead line, as he appeared when the 
 cooling effects of his shower-bath began to counteract those 
 of the alcohol within him. 
 
 A growing consciousness of discomfort moved him to 
 change his position upon the couch, to roll over with his 
 face to the wall, and, finding no relief in that posture, to sit 
 up. But, sitting up, the wnole room began to swim round 
 and round inside his head, and his head began to dilate to 
 admit of the proceeding. Whereupon, with something 
 between a moan and a hiccup, he threw himself face down- 
 ward upon the couch in such a position that he could keep 
 at least half an eye upon the revolutions of tlie room 
 and its furniture. He was lying thus, blinking at the gas, 
 the very picture of the senl before-mentioned, when the 
 maid entered, followed by Millicent, Rose, and the 
 attendant swains. 
 
 " Well, I'm — " exclaimed Blackstone, remembering that
 
 232 ALL FOOLS 
 
 ladies were present. " He looks pretty bad, eh, Miss 
 Woodward ? " 
 
 Millicent's underlip quivered, and her eyes were dim- 
 She was thinking of the dapper Harry Jones of only a few 
 short months ago, who used to leave a bunch of flowers for 
 her every time he called at the house ; of the honour of 
 whose friendship Percy was won't to boast — " a man who 
 drives his own gig, and spends his holidays in Switzerland." 
 She could hear him saying it. How long ago it all seemed, 
 and oh, how pitiful such memories contrasted with the 
 figure of degraded manhood before her. Since Douglas 
 had come into her life everything had gone wrong some- 
 how. Yet this was certainly not Douglas's fault ; neither 
 could she, looking back, see how she could have played her 
 own part otherwise. 
 
 Oh, why did men take love so seriously ? What direful 
 charm was there in her, a mere girl of flesh and blood like 
 himself, to drive a man to ruin ? 
 
 Had Mr. Jones been in a state to analyse his feelings, 
 and, having analysed, to express them in words, he could 
 have told her that it was her being fiesh and blood, even as 
 he, that maddened him. She, whom he liad worshipped 
 from boyhood, whom he had all his life hoped to possess, 
 had given all that priceless treasure to another, which 
 might so easily have been his. It was as if a tantalising 
 Fate had placed her almost within his reach, had allowed 
 him to gaze upon her beauties, from the warm splendour of 
 her hair to her dainty feet enshrined in the most distracting 
 of boots. And then, just as he had stretched out his arms 
 to draw her to him, a figure had stepped between — a 
 grotesque figure, with low-crowned billycock set rakishly 
 upon its head, and trousers turned up in disdain of some 
 imaginary mud, which strode forward with a rickety 
 swagger, holding its walking-stick by the ferrule, and 
 switching the calf of its leg from time to time with the
 
 ALL FOOLS 233 
 
 handle thereof. Fate, aided perhaps by some hereditary 
 tendency, had driven Mr. Jones to seek refuge in drink and 
 bad company. Even to the confusion of his sodden brain, 
 it must have been evident that Millicent had nothing to do 
 with it. 
 
 Yet she could not hold herself alto.^ether blameless. 
 She might have been kinder to him in the past, she thous^ht. 
 She ought to have told him, years ago, that she could never, 
 under any circumstances, be his wife. Then, ere it had 
 been too late, he might have ceased to think of her, might 
 have become happy with some other girl, who felt not the 
 want of aitches, and revelled in the smell of pomatum. 
 Her eyes were brimming with tears as she turned away 
 from contemplating the seal-like form upon the divan. 
 She looked to Blackstone appealingly, as much as to say, 
 '•What can I do?" 
 
 Bunny, a very Argus where his beloved was concerned, 
 whose perceptions were further sharpened by that old 
 smouldering jealousy of Blackstone, saw the gesture and the 
 appeal, and his soul was troubled. 
 
 " You might tell a fellow what you mean to do, Milly ! " 
 he exclaimed, in an injured tone ; adding, in a whisper for 
 her ear only, '• I say, you know ! Whai's up with you to- 
 night ? You don't seem a bit pleased to see a chap ! " 
 
 " Don't whisper, you silly boy ! " she said, with a pettish 
 shrug of her shoulders. " I can't hear a word, and besides, 
 it tickles ! " 
 
 And she tried to laugh merrily, while tears for Harry 
 Jones blinded her eyes. 
 
 " Well, what do you wish done with this man Jones ? " 
 Blackstone asked. 
 
 " I — I don't know," faltered Milly, swallowing a sob. 
 "I want to get him to give up this horrid drinking and — nnd 
 be like what he used to be. But he doesn't understand me 
 when I speak to him."
 
 234 ALL FOOLS 
 
 She hid her face in her hands, and sobbed outright. 
 Bunny, himself deeply moved, though he had not the least 
 idea what was the matter, blurted : 
 
 " There's nothing to cry about, you know ! I'm all right 
 My head doesn't hurt much now, and Geegee's nose is lots 
 better ; isn't it, Geegee, old boy ? " 
 
 Blackstone longed to kick the speaker, though he could 
 have given small reason for the yearning within him. 
 
 " Oh, my dear, beautiful, sweet, amiable, sugar Miss 
 Woodward ! " cried Brown Geegee, " do not weep, I 
 beg ! " 
 
 The maid was convulsed with laughter. 
 
 " That's right, sir ! " she said. " You give her some o' 
 your tricks to cheer 'er up, poor dear ! " 
 
 Brown Geegee rolled his eyes, leering horribly upon the 
 damsel. She seemed to be talking nonsense, but her tone 
 was of admiration, and he loved at all times to be admired 
 by persons of the opposite sex. 
 
 Rose Langley put her arm about her friend's neck, re- 
 minding her in a whisper that her aunt was sitting up for 
 them at home, and that, if they wanted any sleep, they 
 must go at once to bed, for the night was fast wearing 
 away. 
 
 "Milly ! " came a husky voice from the divan. " Beg — 
 your — par — don ! " 
 
 At the same moment, diving off the couch with some 
 hazy, quixotic purpose of helping a lady in distress, Mr. 
 Jones collapsed in a heap upon the carpet, groaning and 
 blubbering. 
 
 " Look here, Miss Woodward! " said Blackstone hurriedly, 
 " you'd better go home to bed at once ! " 
 
 "Yes, Milly, that's just what I say," Bunny chimed in. 
 " It's not a fit place for you, you know ! " 
 
 " I feel as though it were my fault, somehow," said 
 Millicent, her handkerchief to her eyes.
 
 ALL FOOLS 235 
 
 Bunny, who had no sympathy for Milly's rejected lover, 
 recommended a " jolly good horse-whipping " as the most 
 salutary measure that could be adopted in Mr. Jones's case. 
 Brown Geegee, rubbing his swollen nose, suggested that he 
 should be " damned even unto deadness." But Millicent 
 still looked to Blackstone for advice. 
 
 After a moment's reflection, he said : 
 
 " I really think you'd better go home, as Bunny says ! 
 If you will allow me, I'll come round and see about Jones 
 first thing in the morning. Trust me to do the best for 
 him ! " 
 
 " Yes, that'll be best, miss ! " said the servant, shivering, 
 despite her blanket. " I'll be glad to get back to bed my- 
 self, though I says it as shouldn't. And I'll see that Mr. 
 Jones stays in until the gentleman calls in the mornin'." 
 
 " Well, then, that's settled ! " said Blackstone, checking a 
 yawn as he spoke. " Come along ! " 
 
 But although his exhorting them to come along would 
 seem to imply a desire to lead the way, he was, in fact, the 
 last to leave the room. 
 
 " Go on. Bunny ! " he whispered, as Mr. Lee-Stretton 
 passed out in the train of his goddess. " Don't wait for 
 me ! " 
 
 " But I say, you know — " 
 
 "I must see to this man. He'll have an apoplectic fit 
 or something, if we leave him on the floor." 
 
 So saying, Blackstone closed the door and stepped across 
 to where Harry Jones lay. 
 
 " Look here, Jones, old chap ! " he said. " Pull yourself 
 together and get up 1 " 
 
 Mr. Jones tried to raise himself upon his hands, but 
 after a brief and futile struggle fell back, with an insane 
 chuckle, to his former prostration. Without more ado, 
 Blackstone stooped down and, seizing him under the arm- 
 pits, lifted him to a standing posture. He then supported
 
 236 ALL FOOLS 
 
 him to the inner room and, having groped about for the 
 bed, laid him upon it and left him. Preparing to make his 
 way downstairs, he was surprised to find light instead of 
 darkness, and the blanket-clad maid awaiting him in the 
 hall, candle in hand. 
 
 She smiled alluringly upon him. 
 
 " I was to say that your friends is gone to number seventy- 
 one, two doors down on this side." Then, sinking her 
 voice to a whisper, she added, " There's a cask o' beer in 
 the cellar, and there's a cold leg o' mutton in the pantry, 
 that's just askin' to be ate, if so be as you're 'ungry ! " 
 
 Blackstone burst out laughing. 
 
 "No, thanks. Good-night!" he said, and hastened to 
 make good his escape. He heard the servant say, " Well, 
 I never!" in an injured tone Then the door slammed 
 between them, and he was in the chill, blind fog. 
 
 "Number seventy-one," he muttered. "I wonder which 
 way it is ! I should like to see her again, just to say good- 
 bye ! But it's pretty well hopeless." 
 
 Surely there was witchcraft abroad that night. Not the 
 conventional witchcraft, of old hags in steeple-crowned hats 
 sailing on broomsticks athwart a pallid moon, with bats and 
 ravens in attendance ; but an up-to-date witchery, trans- 
 forming every-day people and things into the characters and 
 scenery of something between a Bab Ballad and a problem 
 novel. On an average night, Blackstone might have wished 
 for ever for a chance of saying good-bye to Miss Wood- 
 ward, and have been not one jot nearer to the object of his 
 heart. But to-night, some wizard seemed to hear his wish 
 and, snatching up Brown Geegee from somewhere in the 
 depths of the fog, wafted him through the air — astride his 
 ivory-handled cane presumably — to the doorstep of number 
 seventy-five, just as Blackstone had given up all hope of 
 seeing Miss Woodward for many a long day to come. 
 
 In short, no sooner had the wish passed his lips, than a
 
 ALL FOOLS 237 
 
 weird shape loomed through the fog and a husky voice 
 said : 
 
 " Is that you, my very good friend ? " 
 
 " Why, Geegee, old man ! I thought you'd gone long 
 ago!" 
 
 "So I had!" began Brown Geegee volubly; "but my 
 dear, beautiful Miss Woodward, and my sweet, delightful 
 Rose sent me here to show the way to the house, which is 
 quite close — " 
 
 " Cut it short, heathen ! " said Blackstone joyously. 
 "Show the way first, and tell me about it after- 
 wards ! " 
 
 " Ugh, those satan-devil fellows ! " cried Brown Geegee, 
 smiting the gate with his cane, as they passed out. " When 
 I get hold of them, I will stab them with my pocket-knife ! " 
 He slapped a pocket of his overcoat, in which the knife 
 may be supposed to have been secreted. " I will stab them 
 until they are all over deadness. Then I will spit upon 
 them ! " 
 
 He made a lunge at the railings as he finishing speaking. 
 Blackstone laughed. 
 
 "Come on, Geegee, and don't make an ass of yourself! 
 I must make haste and thank Miss Woodward for coming 
 to help us." 
 
 Brown Geegee was disposed to sniff at this, feeling the 
 remark as a slight upon his own prowess. But suddenly 
 some droll memory stirred within his brain, causing him to 
 chuckle. 
 
 Blackstone stared at him in some alarm for his sanity. 
 
 "What's up?" he asked. 
 
 " Oh, ho, ho ! He, he, he ! Ah, ha, ha 1 " laughed the 
 coloured gentleman. "There is an old lady with white 
 hair who spoke to me like a priest, and tried to make me 
 believe that the Germans were not satan-devil-wicked 
 fellows. Moreover she gave me a bundle of papers all
 
 238 ALL FOOLS 
 
 about the Zenana Mission. She said she hoped it would do 
 me good ! Ah, ha, ha ! He, he, he ! Oh, ho, ho ! " 
 
 Blackstone, really beginning to fear that the strange 
 events of the night had unhinged the mind of his dusky 
 friend, applied the only remedy in his power. Grasping 
 Brown Geegee by the collar of his overcoat, he shook that 
 ill-starred Oriental until all the laughter was gone out of 
 him. 
 
 " No, Blackstone, no ! Do not assault me ! " he faltered, 
 as soon as the power of speech was restored to him. 
 " Even little beastly worms will turn ! " 
 
 " Don't talk rot, then ! Where's the house ? " 
 
 " This is the house ! " said Brown Geegee sulkily, turning 
 the handle of a gate. " This is where the old lady lives ! " 
 
 " What old lady ? " 
 
 "The old lady I was telling you about, who gave me 
 papers of the Zenana Mission ! " 
 
 " What's that ? " asked Blackstone, his hand hovering in 
 the region of the velvet collar, ready to resume its hold 
 should the coloured gentleman give the least sign of 
 madness. 
 
 " The mission to Zenanas ! " 
 
 " Mission to bananas, indeed ! What rot ! " 
 
 The velvet collar was again seized, and its unfortunate 
 owner would surely have undergone a shaking even more 
 severe than the last, had not the door of the house opened, 
 and Rose Langley appeared on the threshold. 
 
 " Oh, what are you doing ? " she cried in dismay. " Poor 
 Mr. Geegee ! After he has taken so much trouble, too ! " 
 
 Blackstone let go his hold of the collar, feeling a little 
 ashamed. He would have liked to explain to Miss Langley 
 that his apparent ill-usage of the coloured gentleman pro- 
 ceeded from no unkind or hostile feeling on his part, that 
 for years he had been in the habit of shaking Geegee, and 
 that Geegee himself rather liked it than otherwise. But,
 
 ALL FOOLS 239 
 
 remembering Miss Langley's sympathy fur the coloured 
 gentleman's sufferings upon a former occasion, he thought 
 it best to apologise to Geegee, to explain that he had not 
 meant to hurt him but only to do him good, which was the 
 plain, unvarnished truth. And he fell to twirling his 
 moustache to hide his confusion. 
 
 Rose coughed behind her hand. 
 
 " Won't you come in ? " she said. " My aunt is getting 
 some supper ready for you. Do please make haste, or the 
 house will be full of fog ! " 
 
 Having closed the door behind them, she led the way 
 into a sitting-room, where Millicent and her betrothed were 
 trying to warm their feet upon the fender, although the fire 
 was quite out. A tray, draped in a white napkin and 
 garnished with a cold round of beef, a cruet-stand and some 
 plates was upon the table. Blackstone had barely time to 
 take stock of these preparations ere Miss Langley entered, 
 carrying a cluster of knives and forks as if they had been a 
 bouquet of rare flowers. 
 
 Millicent presented Sir Arthur Blackstone to her hostess, 
 shyly and with many blushes. The old lady hastily laid 
 down her knives and forks to welcome the baronet. 
 
 "I am so thankful that you have escaped unhurt," she 
 said. "You must be in need of refreshment, I think. I 
 must ask you to waive ceremony in consideration of the 
 lateness of the hour. Rose, my dear, kindly do the 
 honours of the table, while I look for some arnica for the 
 foreigner's nose and the other gentleman's forehead. Yes, 
 my dear, raw meat would be better, but I fear we have none 
 in the house. However, I will go and see ! " 
 
 She went out of the room on her quest — truly brave of 
 her, when we come to think that Satan was lurking in all 
 the dark places — while Rose set to work to carve the beef. 
 The result of her first attempt being a chunk of quite 
 preternatural thickness, she was reheved by Blackstone,
 
 240 ALL FOOLS 
 
 who managed to perform his office with greater regard to 
 economy. 
 
 Now that all excitement was over, everybody was seized 
 with a desire to yawn, especially Brown Geegee, who 
 yawned even at the moment of eating, much to his own 
 discomfiture. At length the old lady re-appeared with two 
 slices of raw liver upon a plate, at sight of which ghastly 
 poultice both patients shuddered, and Geegee, having his 
 fork in his mouth at the time, all but swallowed that 
 weapon. 
 
 Bunny protested. " But I say, you know ! I can't really 
 go about with that stuff on my forehead ! " 
 
 The coloured gentleman gasped, shuddered, opened his 
 mouth to speak, and then, remembering the courtesy 
 due to his hostess, grinned ruefully, but held his 
 peace. 
 
 " It will do you good, you know ! " Millicent said 
 coaxingly to Bunny. "Besides, I assure you, Douglas, 
 you cannot possibly look funnier than you do at present, 
 with the ends of that bandage lopping over your ear ! " 
 
 "All right," said Bunny, with an amorous glance. "I 
 say, I don't mind having the stuff on my forehead, if you'll 
 arrange it and tie the bandage for me." 
 
 Blushing very much, and shooting furtive side-glances at 
 Blackstone to see what he thought of it all, Millicent 
 unfastened the clumsy knot, and, deftly laying the sanguine 
 liver upon the swelling, tied it on with the handkerchief. 
 Miss Langley and her niece performed the hke good offices 
 for Brown Geegee's nose, giving to that gentleman the 
 appearance of some Turkish beauty, his eyes shining like 
 twin stars above the temporary yashmak, which hung loose 
 over mouth and chin. 
 
 " Is that comfortable ? " Milly and Rose asked almost 
 simultaneously of their respective patients. 
 
 "Not exactly,'' said Bunny, who, his tongue in his cheek.
 
 ALL FOOLS 241 
 
 was fingering the new-made bandage uneasily. " It shuts 
 up my left eye, you know." 
 
 Brown Geegee exclaimed : 
 
 " It is filth-flabby, this satan-raw meat ! " 
 
 Miss Langley knit her brows. 
 
 " Oh, how can you use such dreadful language ! After 
 your lesson of to-night, too. For shame, sir." 
 
 Brown Geegee's eyes twinkled with apology. The 
 yashmak providentially concealed his grin. 
 
 "You must excuse him, Miss Langley," Blackstone in- 
 terposed. " He's only a heathen, you see, and that's his 
 way of talking." 
 
 He went on to say that they had already trespassed too 
 long upon Miss Langley's hospitality, that it was time they 
 started for home ; and, as no one was found to gainsay the 
 truth of these statements, there was a general pushing back 
 of chairs, and shaking of hands, followed by a movement to 
 the door. Out in the passage, Bunny kissed his betrothed, 
 and Rose shook hands with Brown Geegee, whose lips 
 murmured sweet sugar nothings beneath his yashmak, while 
 his eyes leered frightfully above it. Then Rose shook 
 hands with Blackstone, and hoped that he was not very 
 tired, with a suppressed yawn implying that she was. 
 Millicent, in her turn, was going to shake hands with 
 Blackstone, when Miss Langley suddenly emerged from the 
 sitting-room, with a bundle of papers in her hand, and bore 
 down upon Brown Geegee, who shrank before her. 
 
 " You forgot these papers, sir, upon a former occasion," 
 she said. " They can hardly fail to be of interest to a 
 gentleman of your nationality. No, sir," — in answer to a 
 deprecatory movement of the coloured gentleman — "you 
 need have no scruple in accepting them. They are of no 
 further use to w^." 
 
 Brown Geegee's eyes leered ghastly — just such a look as 
 one would expect to see in the eyes of some wretched 
 
 Q
 
 242 ALL FOOLS 
 
 prisoner of the Inquisition, when asked politely to put on 
 the thumb-screws. He accepted the papers, and placed 
 them under his arm. Then Rose opened the door, and 
 the coloured gentleman shuffled forth into the fog, followed 
 more sedately by Bunny. 
 
 " Good-night," said Blackstone, staying to shake hands 
 with Millicent. " By the way, how's the pup ? " 
 
 " Oh, it's the dearest thing in the world," she said. 
 
 " You shouldn't say that. It can't surely be dearer than 
 Bunny, for instance." 
 
 " That's asking questions. Good-night. Please don't 
 forget to let me know about poor Mr. Jones. And— and 
 you've never once called to see for yourself how the bull- 
 dog is getting on." 
 
 *' All right," said Blackstone, releasing her hand. " I 
 won't forget. I'll call one of these evenings and smoke a 
 pipe with your brother, if you'll allow me." 
 
 " / — allow you ! Percy will be delighted, I'm sure. 
 Good-night." 
 
 " What were you talking to Milly about? " asked Bunny, 
 as the three launched out into the fog on their return to 
 Sammy's. *' Deuced confidential you seemed, too." 
 
 " Oh, I was only asking after the bull-pup I sent her," 
 aid Blackstone, forgetting for a moment that Bunny knew 
 nothing of his part in the gift. 
 
 Mr. Lee-Stretton stopped short, his face crimson under 
 his bandage. 
 
 " The bull-pup — you gave her. I say, you know, Black- 
 stone, this is too much of a good thing. She's my girl, not 
 yours. What right have you to give her presents, and 
 make up to her without my knowledge ? " 
 
 "Don't make an ass of yourself," said Blackstone sooth- 
 ingly. " I gave her the pup after that affair with Jones, as 
 a protection. As for making up to her — I haven't tried to 
 see her from that day to thib'. It wouldn't be much good
 
 ALL FOOLS 243 
 
 trying, I'm afraid. Any fool can see that she's awfully gone 
 on you," 
 
 Bunny was softened. 
 
 " I say, Blackstone, old chap, I'm awfully sorry I flared 
 up like that ; but it was so sudden, you know. I don't wish 
 to be conceited, but I really do think she's a bit fond of 
 me, don't you ? " 
 
 "Can you doubt it?" said Blackstone, slapping his 
 successful rival upon the back. " If she were not, I tell 
 you candidly, I should try and cut you out. But it's no 
 good, and so I have to content myself with the prospect of 
 being a friend of the family, god-father to the first-born, 
 and all that sort of thing. You'll allow me that consola- 
 tion, won't you ? " 
 
 " Rather," said Bunny, with a gratified chuckle. " Hallo, 
 Geegee, what are you up to ? " 
 
 Brown Geegee had fallen behind, and was now dancing 
 about Hke a maniac, stamping upon the pavement with all 
 his might. 
 
 Blackstone shouted, " Hold hard, Geegee ! What's the 
 row ? " 
 
 The coloured gentleman made no direct answer, but con- 
 tinued to stamp with all his might. 
 
 "You nasty-devil-filth-satan papers!" he muttered, 
 as if the words had been of incantation, and himself a 
 dusky wizard. " I will trample you even to nothingness." 
 
 " What is it, Geegee ? " asked Blackstone impatiently. 
 
 Brown Geegee echoed derisively : 
 
 "What is it? You inquire, what is it? I tell you it is 
 the wicked mission to Zenanas ; it is the silly-evil papers 
 that the old woman gave me ! " And he stamped even 
 more wildly than before. 
 
 " Surely nobody was ever fool enough to start a mission 
 to bananas?" Blackstone appealed to Bunny. "Geegee 
 must be mad J "
 
 244 ALL FOOLS 
 
 " Not bananas ! " cried the coloured gentleman, chuckl- 
 ing grimly — " Zenanas ! Zenanas are a sort of collection 
 of women ! " 
 
 "Ah," murmured Blackstone, shaking his head, "I 
 understand. Daresay they need it." 
 
 Then as Geegee still kept on stamping as furiously as 
 ever, he cried : 
 
 " No more of your foolery ! Come along ! " and the 
 three friends pursued their way through the fog, keeping 
 close to the railings for guidance.
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 IN WHICH MR. THOMPSON IS CONCERNED AT THE INTIMACY 
 OF ONE OF HIS PUPILS WITH A FEMALE, AND SIR ARTHUR 
 BLACKSTONE GOES UPON AN ERRAND OF MERCY. 
 
 The sun rose out of Shoreditch, and its first rays struck 
 sidelong, gilding towers, steeples, and chimney-pots of the 
 great city, even unto Kensington. The fog lay low and 
 dense along the streets, seldom rising above the roofs of the 
 houses. To tlie man in the Monument, or to one looking 
 down from the cross of St. Paul's, or — and this is more to 
 the purpose — from the tower of the Imperial Institute, it 
 would have seemed as if the houses, churches, and public 
 buildings, the river with its many bridges and all the ship- 
 ping of the Pool had been packed carefully for the night in 
 cotton-wool, lest they should jostle against and break each 
 other, as the world rolled on its course through space. 
 The sun rose, and little wisps and fluffy clouds began to 
 detach themselves from the mass, floating upwards and 
 melting away. Then the rays fell slantwise into the streets, 
 striking at the very heart of the fog, which grew less and 
 less dense, until, by nine o'clock, there was no fog at all, 
 but only a luminous haze, opalescent with the sunlight. 
 
 It was a frosty winter's morning, bright and invigorating. 
 The rime sparkled on area railings, on the pavement, on 
 the roofs — everywhere that it could find a resting-place. 
 Policemen walked their beats with swinging arms, slapping 
 their chests, as cabmen do, to keep the blood in circulation. 
 The milkman, handing in his cans at the gate of Mr. 
 
 245
 
 246 ALL FOOLS 
 
 Thompson's house, blew a warm cloud upon his finger- 
 nails, and remarked to the red-armed maid that it was 
 seasonable weather; a proposition to which the girl, with 
 the prospect of some icy scrubbing before her, gave a 
 grumbling assent. 
 
 If the weather, as is often supposed, has weighty influence 
 upon the well-being, and especially upon the temper, of 
 mankind, surely here was a morning to put the most surly 
 into good humour with himself and therefore with the rest 
 of the world. Yet Mr. Thompson, who, far from being 
 surly or ill-conditioned, was the most peaceable and peace- 
 loving of men, was inclined to be irritable that morning. 
 There is an influence upon the lives and tempers of married 
 men more potent even than the weather. Mrs. Thompson 
 had been awakened about four o'clock by the noise of 
 heavy feet upon the stairs. She had been further disturbed 
 by the opening and shutting of three doors, and by other 
 sounds, from the flinging of boots into the passage to the 
 creaking of a bed, as its occupant disposed his limbs for 
 sleep. She had thereupon roused her husband, who was 
 inclined to snore peacefully through it all, and had im- 
 proved the five hours before breakfast by dinning into his 
 sleepy, fuddled brain the necessity — the solemn duty, she 
 called it — -of bringing the culprits severely to book. So 
 when about half-past nine Blackstone entered the class- 
 room, it was to find his tutor awaiting him, an unwonted 
 frown upon his wrinkled face. 
 
 " Good-morning, sir," said the baronet, going over to the 
 fire-place and ringing the Ijell for breakfast. " Jolly weather, 
 isn't it ? " 
 
 " Umph, umph ! " snorted the little old tutor. " Er — 
 yes, very fine weather ! But what do you mean, sir, by 
 — er — in fact, by coming in at an unseemly hour this morn- 
 ing? I — er — cannot allow it! This — er— this must not 
 continue. Such behaviour will bring my house into — er —
 
 ALL FOOLS 247 
 
 into evil repute in the neighbourhood. You are a nice, 
 gentlemanly young fellow — very ! But I cannot allow my 
 house to be brought into evil repute. It would be — in 
 fact, it would be most unpleasant for Mrs. Thompson." 
 
 Blackstone held out his hands to the fire. 
 
 " I'm awfully sorry, sir," he said ; " but last night it 
 wasn't exactly our fault." 
 
 He went on to tell of the carrying-off of Brown Geegee, 
 and their consequent adventures in the German's house. 
 
 The tale was not half told when Brown Geegee shuffled 
 into the room, his nose swolkn out of all proportion to his 
 face. He shivered as he noticed the rime sparkling upon 
 the window, and the winter's sunlight throwing a pale, 
 rippling gleam upon the dusty wall, and he moved his 
 carpet slippers with all speed to the fire. 
 
 " Er — what is the meaning of this ? " asked tV.e tutor, 
 with an indignant sniff, pointing to Geegoe's nose. 
 
 " I was coming to that, sir," said Blackstone, and went 
 on with his story. 
 
 When he was in possession of all the facts, Sammy 
 grunted fiercely. 
 
 " Humph ! I — er — I must speak to Mr. Lee-Stretton— 
 nice, gentlemanly young fellow — very seriously. He 
 appears to have become entangled with a very undesirable 
 — er — person. I had occasion to warn him, upon his first 
 arrival here, against — in fact, against all females. There 
 are lots of dressed-up creatures in this neighbourhood, who 
 have no bowels of compassion where nice gentlemanly 
 young fellows are concerned. He will have to pay 
 damages, I fear — er — heavy damages." 
 
 Brown Geegee, basking in the congenial warmth of a 
 roaring fire, leered horribly at his tutor out of the corners 
 of his eyes. 
 
 " Oh, no, sir," he said. " My dear Miss Woodward will 
 not dnmage him in any way whatever. She is such a good
 
 248 ALL FOOLS 
 
 girl ! — such a sweet-sugar girl ! We all love her. More- 
 over, she is his engaged-betrothed _/fa«^eV." 
 
 The tutor snorted excitedly. 
 
 " Er — what, what ? Engaged, did you say ? This is— 
 er' — this is even worse than I suspected ! What — er — what 
 will his parents say ? They will hold me responsible for his 
 folly, and — er — " with great vehemence, " imbecility, when, 
 in fact, I could do nothing — nothing." 
 
 At this point, a servant bringing in the coffee-pot and a 
 dish of fried bacon, the two pupils sat down to breakfast. 
 
 "Mr. Blackstone," said the tutor, preparing to take his 
 leave, " will you have the — er — the goodness to let me 
 know when Mr. Lee-Stretton comes down ? I must speak 
 to him as soon as possible — er — that is to say, before I 
 forget." 
 
 " I'm going out directly after breakfast, sir," said Black- 
 stone, "and I can't say when I shall be back. But 
 Geegee '11 see to it. Won't you, Geegee, old boy ? " 
 
 The coloured gentleman sputtered with his mouth full : 
 
 "Yes, I will see to it." 
 
 " Er — thank you," said Sammy. " But — er — let me tell 
 you, Mr. Blackstone, if you go on shirking your work in this 
 way, you can never — er — never hope to pass your 
 exam." 
 
 Blackstone laughed. " I haven't got one to pass. I'm 
 on my own hook now, sir." 
 
 " Ah — er — dear me ! dear me ! How forgetful I am ! " 
 muttered Sammy ; and he passed snorting from the room, 
 closing the door behind him. 
 
 Left alone with the coloured gentleman, Blackstone said : 
 
 " What an ass you are, Geegee ! Why couldn't you hold 
 your tongue about Bunny's engagement, when you knew it 
 was a secret ? " 
 
 Brown Geegee snarled, " I didn't know. If he desires 
 that she be kept a secret, why does he walk about with her
 
 ALL FOOLS 249 
 
 in public places ? A secret should be kept in a satan cup- 
 board or a cellar. It should not walk about in broad 
 daylight." 
 
 It was no good arguing with him, Blackstone thought. 
 He was a heathen, and could not be expected to understand 
 things like a Christian. So he ate his breakfast in silence, 
 the coloured gentleman keeping watch out of the corners of 
 his eyes lest his stalwart neighbour should change his mind 
 of a sudden and " go for him." 
 
 At length Blackstone rose and pushed back his chair. 
 
 " Well, I'm off," he said. " Come part of the way with 
 me, Geegee, old boy ? " 
 
 Brown Geegee grinned and seemed pleased, but shook 
 his head, nevertheless. 
 
 " I must really study diligently this morning to make up 
 for last evening. I have a great desire to pass well in my 
 exam." 
 
 Blackstone shrugged his shoulders. 
 
 " You know best, of course ; but I really think you 
 overdo it, old chap. You'll get brain fever, if you don't 
 look out." 
 
 Brown Geegee expressed his readiness to take his chance 
 of brain fever by rubbing his hands together, chuckling low 
 down in his throat, and grinning from ear to ear. He did 
 not cease from these gleeful demonstrations until the door 
 closed behind his fellow-pupil, when he drew his chair close 
 to the fire, put his feet on the fender, and, holding out his 
 hands to the blaze, set to work to get thoroughly warm 
 before beginning his studies. 
 
 Meanwhile Blackstone had passed out into the street. 
 There was vigour in the keen, frosty air which smote his 
 nostrils with a sting, sending the blood coursing and 
 tingling through every vein. Inertia, laziness, boredom 
 were impossible on such a morning. He struck the red 
 pillar-box at the corner a ringing blow with his stick ; not
 
 250 ALL FOOLS 
 
 that he had any grudge against that particular letter-box, 
 but from sheer excess of vitality, which made it necessary to 
 strike a blow of some sort. 
 
 There was beauty — near akin to ughness, but still beauty 
 — in the long vista of houses — the beauty which sunshine 
 and shadow, with a bluish haze in the distance, can give 
 even to stuccoed respectability. It was matter of rejoicing 
 that colour was at last returned to the world after the dun 
 interval of fog. The sight of a red omnibus with yellow 
 wheels in the High Street, not to speak of divers hoardings, 
 papered with crudely-coloured advertisements, gave to 
 Blackstone a sensation of pleasure which was quite new to 
 him. He had heard Bunny tell how Millicent would fall 
 into rapture over everyday things — a sunset, for instance, or 
 a flower ; and it pleased him to think that he could now 
 sympathise with her to the extent of a red omnibus with 
 yellow wheels. From the height of that omnibus he could 
 now look down upon Bunny, as upon a man of no artistic 
 perceptions. 
 
 As he turned into Hertford Gardens, an Italian was 
 grinding a popular air out of a street piano. To the trained 
 ear of a mere bundle of human nerves, each note would 
 have been a separate agony; but this young barbarian, 
 brimful of health and life, found the music — he never 
 doubted that it was music — distinctly invigorating, and gave 
 the man a sixpence as he passed. 
 
 He found it hard to recognise the scene of his recent 
 adventures in the little square house, whose gate bore the 
 number stventy-five. The fog and darkness of the previous 
 night had invested it with the terrors of a nightmare. Now, 
 in the bright winter's morning, it was just like any other 
 house in the same road. The maid was scrubbing the 
 doorstep as he turned in at the gate. The fulness of her 
 admiration for big men seemed to have passed away with 
 the fog, for she only answered, "Yes, sir," to his inquiry
 
 ALL FOOLS 251 
 
 whether Mr. Jones was within, and her grin of recognition 
 was of the faintest. " 'E's in the drawin'-room, sir." 
 
 Blackstone did not wait for her to show the way, but 
 strode in at the open door, climbed the stairs, and entered 
 the room. The red plush furniture looked more tarnished, 
 and was even more suggestive of the lounge of a public- 
 house by daylight. Harry Jones was lolling in an easy- 
 chair by the window staring aimlessly out. He rose to 
 meet the visitor, holding out a flabby hand. 
 
 " Well, how are you ? " Blackstone asked, eyeing the 
 patient critically. "Not up to much — eh? Try some 
 soda-water." 
 
 " I've drunk pints of it already," said Mr. Jones wearily, 
 passing his hand over his- forehead. " I say, I must 
 apologise to you, sir, for my conduct of last night. I'm 
 afraid I made a beast of myself, but I can't remember — 
 there's lots I can't remember." Again he put his hand to 
 his forehead. "Maria tells me that you and your friends 
 were ill-used in this 'ouse last night ; and that Milly 
 Woodward was in this very room, and that rabbit-faced 
 fool, and a lot more ; but I can't remember. I seem 
 to 've dreamt somethin' o' the sort. All I remember is 
 your puttin' me to bed, and that seems like a dream." 
 
 " Of course you can't remember," said Blackstone 
 cheerily. " Why, man, you were as drunk as a fish." 
 
 " And Milly Woodward saw me like that ? " Mr. Jones 
 turned away his face. 
 
 "Yes, and she was awfully sorry for you — seemed to 
 think it was partly her fault — and asked me to come 
 and look you up this morning, to see what could be 
 done." 
 
 Harry Jones cried vehemently, "There's nothing to be 
 done ! I'm a ruined man ! She don't love me, you see, 
 and she's the only girl I ever cared one 'ang about. I'm a 
 ruined man, I tell you ! "
 
 252 ALL FOOLS 
 
 " Nonsense ! You can't be much older than I am. 
 Pull yourself together, man, and make a fresh start." 
 
 " Oh, it's all very well to talk ! You've never been in 
 love with a girl and thrown over for another, or you 
 wouldn't speak like that." 
 
 "Look here," said Blackstone, leaning forward and 
 speaking very seriously. "I'm in exactly the same boat as 
 yourself. I've never confessed as much to anyone ; but 
 you seem to think you're the only man who's hopelessly in 
 love with a girl, and it may do you some good to know 
 that you're not. I'm awfully in love with Miss Woodward 
 — have been, ever since I first saw her; and yet I have 
 to keep my feelings to myself, because she's engaged to a 
 friend of mine — the fellow with the rabbit mouth you spoke 
 about just now." 
 
 Harry Jones pushed back his chair, surveying his visitor 
 with a strange mixture of wonder, alarm, and admiration. 
 
 " By gum, though, I shouldn't so much mind if it was 
 you she was engaged to. But that idiot ! I say, Mr. — I 
 don't know your name — would you mind shakin' 'ands, as 
 we're in the same boat, you know ! " 
 
 Blackstone complied at once with this request. 
 
 " Cheer up ! There's nothing to mope about," he said. 
 " Anyway, taking to drink and making a beast of yourself is 
 hardly the way to make her feel sorry she got engaged to 
 somebody else." 
 
 " By Jove, though, I believe you're right ! " said Harry 
 Jones, a dawning hope in his little grey eyes. " I say, Mr. 
 — I don't know your name — you're a good sort and I like 
 you. Will you stay and 'ave some lunch with me ? It'll 
 be lonely else, now that the German's 've bolted," 
 
 Blackstone consented, and to save Mr. Jones further 
 hesitation in the matter of the name, he gave him a card. 
 
 "By gum ! " Reading the title Mr. Jones became more 
 vulgar than ever in his self-abasement. "This is an honour,
 
 ALL FOOLS 253 
 
 sir, a great honour for a plain man like me. I am only a 
 tradesman's son, sir — " 
 
 Blackstone broke in hurriedly : 
 
 " The more credit to you if you make your way in the 
 world. Come, Jones, shake hands again and let's agree to 
 do the best with our lives for Miss Woodward's sake. I 
 never was so energetic in my life as I've been since I 
 fell hopelessly in love." 
 
 Harry Jones accepted the preferred hand, murmuring : 
 
 " You do me a great honour, I'm sure. Sir Arthur Black- 
 stone." 
 
 " Now, what do you propose to do, Jones ? " pursued the 
 visitor, in his most friendly manner. " Can you get back 
 into your old line of business ? " 
 
 "No, no! not that, sir, not that!" cried Harry Jones, in 
 agitation. " They wouldn't 'ave me back again, and 
 besides, it 'd remind me too strongly of what might 've 
 been." 
 
 He paused, and then, seeming to remember something, 
 started to his feet and began to pace the room with fierce 
 strides. His hands were clenched and his teeth set. 
 
 " I'm a ruined man," he said at length, stopping before 
 Blackstone and speaking in a low, despairing tone. "What 
 a fool I 'ave been ! All this furniture you see 'ere was pro- 
 cured in my name and 'asn't been paid for. This 'ouse 
 is taken in my name, and I've lent those Germans pounds 
 and pounds which I shall never see again — never ! " 
 
 He sank back into a chair, burying his face in his hands. 
 
 Blackstone looked at]him thoughtfully for some moments, 
 his chin upon his hands, then he rose, and slapping Mr. 
 Jones upon the shoulder, said : 
 
 "Cheer up, man! It isn't as bad as all that. What's the 
 amount ? I've got more money just now than I know what 
 to do with. Perhaps you wouldn't mind accepting a 
 loan ? "
 
 254 ALL FOOLS 
 
 Mr. Jones started up and shook him warmly by the hand, 
 protesting that he was a true friend if ever there was one, 
 but that he (Mr. Jones) could not be so far beholden to him. 
 However, by dint of insisting and reminding him of the 
 compact between them, Blackstone forced the ex-traveller in 
 the bedstead line to name a sum which he thought would 
 cover all the liabilities. 
 
 " It isn't that I 'aven't got any money," Harry explained ; 
 " it's that what I 'ave is all tied up by my father's will and I 
 can't get at the capital without no end of fuss, and then only 
 a little at a time. You're a true friend, sir, and I'll never 
 forget your kindness. But I'll pay you back in instalments 
 — upon my word I will." 
 
 " Well, that's all right ! " said Blackstone, settling himself 
 once more in his chair ; " now, what do you propose 
 to do?" 
 
 Mr Jones put his hands to his forehead, ruffled up his 
 hair, bit his underlip, and made other preparations for deep 
 thought. He remained thus for more than a minute, 
 frowning at the pattern of the carpet. Then his brow re- 
 laxed, his hand fell with a loud slap upon his knee, and he 
 raised his eyes to Blackstone's face. 
 
 " I have it ! " he said. " There's a cousin o' mine — 
 name of Twinkler — keeps a tobacco shop down Fulham 
 way. 'E wishes to extend 'is business, I've 'eard, and 'd be 
 glad to find a partner who could put a little money into the 
 concern." 
 
 Blackstone stroked his moustache pensively. 
 
 " That sounds all right. How much capital did you say 
 your cousin wanted >vith his partner ? " 
 
 Harry Jones reddened to the tips of his ears. 
 
 " No, no, sir ! Don't think of it, I beg ! I'm be'olden to 
 you enough already. I can arrange with my cousin, 
 Twinkler, about payin' the capital in instalments. 'E'U be 
 only to glad to keep it a family concern."
 
 ALL FOOLS 255 
 
 At this point the maid knocked at the door, and, with 
 something of defiance in her voice and manner, asked 
 to speak to Mr. Jones for a minute. 
 
 " You can say what 3'ou've got to say 'ere, Maria ! " said 
 her only remaining master, fearing to face her alone in the 
 passage. 
 
 " Yes, I can say it 'ere ! " retorted Maria, folding her 
 arms ; "but seein's as it's business, and shameful business, 
 too, I thought you mightn't wish to 'ave it mentioned 
 before the gentleman. What I 'ave to say is this 
 — and I'd say it before all London and suburbs if 
 they was 'ere — what I 'ave to say is that I'll thank you 
 to give me my wages, Mr Jones, and 'ard-earned wages 
 they'll be, a-servin' a lot o rapscallions and gutter-snipes, 
 though you was always the best of em and a kind master 
 I will say. 
 
 Harry J les winced and his face became very red. A 
 scene like is would have been disagreeable at any time, 
 but that a baronet — the only baronet whose hand he had 
 ever shaken — should see him at such a disadvantage was in 
 the last degree humiliating. Had he been alone he would 
 probably have retaliated. As it was, he could only blush 
 and falter : 
 
 " A month's notice was the agreement, I believe." 
 
 " Yes, sir, that was the agreement, I believe ! " said 
 Maria, tossing her head, and smiling sarcastically at the 
 houses across the street. " But what notice did I 'ave of 
 the doin's of last night ? What notice did I 'ave that 
 robbery and thievin' and murder was goin' on in this 'ouse? 
 If you call yourself a gentleman, Mr. Jones, you'll give me 
 the full month's wages, and no bones about it ! " 
 
 Harry Jones was disposed to temporise. 
 
 " Well, well ! It can't be very much. When did the 
 Countess pay you last ? " 
 
 The maid waxed scornful. She appealed to the houses
 
 256 ALL FOOLS 
 
 across the street to "listen to 'im," meaning Mr. Jones. 
 She repeated: "When did the Countess pay me last? 
 When did she pay me last, indeed ? Not one single copper 
 penny " — here she struck the forefinger of her right hand 
 upon the palm of her left for emphasis — " not one single 
 penny of wages 'ave I 'ad since I came to this 'ouse, three 
 months ago come Friday three weeks. When did the 
 Countess pay me ? Why, when I asked her for money, it 
 was * Ho dear ! don't come botherin' me ! Mr. Jones, 
 'e pays every think, and 'e's 'ard up jess now 1 ' That was 
 all I got for my pains. And now " — she raised her voice 
 to a half-hysterical scream — " I'll thank you for my wages, 
 Mr. Jones ! " 
 
 With a face of blank dismay, Harry began to turn out 
 his pockets ; but Blackstone stopped him, saying, " Leave 
 this to me." 
 
 " How much is owing to you ? " he asked, turning to the 
 girl. 
 
 " Three pound fifteen shillin's ! " 
 
 Blackstone took out his pocket-book and handed her a 
 five-pound note. 
 
 *' There you are," he said. " Now go away, there's a 
 good girl ! Can't you see that we are busy ? " 
 
 But Maria was not to be got rid of so easily Now that 
 she was fully paid, with a handsome present besides, she 
 felt it her duty to apologise to Mr. Jones for her former 
 tirade, and to express her willingness to remain in the house, 
 so long as he should have need of her services. She hoped 
 that he would let bygones be bygones, for — she said this 
 with tears in her eyes — he had always been a kind master 
 to her ; winding up a pretty lengthy harangue by assuring 
 both gentlemen that she came of honest parents and was 
 not used to such doings, otherwise she would never have so 
 far forgotten her place as to demand her wages, as she had 
 done that morning. Both her hearers uttered a sigh of
 
 ALL FOOLS 257 
 
 relief when the door at length closed behind her. But the 
 relief was somewhat premature, for she was back again in a 
 minute, having forgotten to say that lunch had been on the 
 table nearly half an hour. 
 
 Harry Jones led the way downstairs, trying hard to re- 
 member that he was host, and to do the honours as a host 
 should, feeling all the time like a guest, and leaving a great 
 part of the honours to be done by Blackstone. 
 
 " Now, Jones," said the latter, setting to work upon a 
 plate of that identical mutton of which he had been invited 
 to partake upon the previous night, " I am very curious 
 to know how you came to be so friendly with those German 
 rascals." 
 
 Mr. Jones scratched his head thoughtfully. 
 
 " It's rather a long story," he said. " You see it began 
 on that night of the Debatin' Society, when first I 'eard that 
 Milly Woodward 'ad given 'erself to another. I went cut 
 with 'em after that and stood 'em supper, and, bein' reck- 
 less, drank more than was good for me. Then the next 
 night I met 'em again, and so I slipped on from bad to 
 worse." 
 
 He went on to tell how, by dint of flattery, they had 
 wormed their way into his confidence, until at last they ob- 
 tained complete mastery over him, and he became as wax 
 in their hands. They had persuaded him that it would be 
 best for all parties if he came to live with them, sharing the 
 cost of housekeeping, and had taken this house in Hertford 
 Gardens — an expensive one — in his name. He had been 
 very angry when he came to realise their true character and 
 profession ; but they had threatened to tell his former 
 friends of his cowardly assault upon Millicent, and so kept 
 him quiet. Upon one occasion they had decoyed him, 
 when drunk, into taking part in one of their robberies, and 
 had overcome his after-scruples by hints of what they could 
 tell if they chose. In despair he had taken to drink more
 
 258 ALL FOOLS 
 
 and more, seeking relief from the constant disgust of the 
 wretched life he led. 
 
 Blackstone listened with deep interest, feeling vaguely 
 that his own life-story might have been very similar, but 
 for a few accidents, trifling in themselves. Here was a 
 man, who had lived a reputable life up to a certain hour of 
 a certain day ; and then a misfortune, a chance meeting, 
 had started him upon the downward road. 
 
 " All that is past and done with now, Jones ! " he said, 
 clasping the ex-traveller's hand across the table. 
 
 Harry Jones returned the pressure with glistening eyes, 
 
 " Yes, sir, I 'ope so ! You're a true friend anywaj^, and 
 I wish from the bottom of my 'eart that you could 'ave 
 Milly Woodward ! There's not the man in England I'd 
 say as much for ! "
 
 CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 IN WHICH SIR ARTHUR CLACKSTONE HARBOURS DOUBTS 
 OF MR. LEE-STRETTON's VERACITY, AND IS AMPLY 
 REWARDED FOR THE PAINS HE HAS TAKEN. 
 
 It was past three o'clock in the afternoon when Blackstone 
 took his leave, having first exacted a- promise from Mr. 
 Jones that he would leave the whisky-bottle alone that 
 evening. 
 
 "Take care of him, there's a good girl," he said to 
 Maria, as she opened the door for him to pass out. " He's 
 down in the mouth, and wants looking after. If you could 
 manage to hide the whisky somewhere where he won't find 
 it, I should be awfully obliged to you." 
 
 Maria grinned and curtseyed. She had been very col- 
 lapsible in his presence since the espisode of the five-pound 
 note. 
 
 " Yes, sir, I'll see to it ! 'E'll be lonesome, poor dear, 
 all by 'isself, I shouldn't wonder ! I'll tell him to ring the 
 bell if so be as 'e wants company." 
 
 Once in the street, Blackstone set out for his tutor's at a 
 brisk pace, happy in the consciousness of having done a 
 good day's work. He would go home, write a note to 
 Miss Woodward of his success, and would take it round to 
 St. Christopher Avenue at once. He would get there 
 before she returned from business, so- that Bunny might 
 have no ground for jealousy should he hear of the visit. 
 But so dense was the throng of women in Kensington High 
 Street, so erratic were their movements, and so httle regard 
 
 259
 
 260 ALL FOOLS 
 
 did the}' show for the rule of the road in their frantic 
 endeavours to butt and elbow each her way to the shop- 
 windows, that he was obliged to go very slowly for fear of 
 collision. Even thus, one elderly lady, walking back- 
 wards from the presence of a silken gown, brought the 
 handle of her umbrella into sharp contact with his lowest 
 rib, and, looking round indignantly, straightway dropped 
 her parcels, expecting him as the aggressor to pick them up. 
 So it happened that the streets were already stained with 
 red from the sun-setting when he reached his tutor's door. 
 Not wishing to disturb the other pupils at their work, he 
 went upstairs to Sammy's study to crave the loan of writing 
 materials. Mr. Thompson was sitting in his arm-chair by 
 the window, dozing as usual, a book open upon his knees. 
 He awoke with a snort as Blackstone entered. 
 
 " Er — good afternoon. Is there anything that I can do 
 for you ? " 
 
 Blackstone explaining his need of pen, ink, and paper, 
 the tutor graciously, and with many sniffs, gave him leave 
 to write his letter then and there, pointing to a little table 
 wedged between two bookshelves, whose surface was a very 
 Sahara of dust and papers. Blackstone sat down and tried 
 his pen upon the back of an envelope. 
 
 " Well, sir, have you spoken to Bunny yet — Lee-Stretton, 
 I mean?" 
 
 " Er — yes, oh yes ! I have spoken to him very seriously, 
 and he has — er — has explained everything to my satisfac- 
 tion ! " The tutor raised his glasses to his eyes, then 
 dropped them again, for no obvious reason. " This Miss 
 — er — Millwood or Woodmill — I have no memory for names 
 — is, it seems, an old friend of — er — of the family. He 
 assures me that she was — er — in fact, was at school with 
 his sister ! " 
 
 Blackstone made his mouth small and round as if to 
 whistle, but no sound passed his Hps.
 
 ALL FOOLS 261 
 
 " I was greatly relieved to hear it — greatly relieved," 
 pursued the tutor. " Had it been otherwise, 1 should have 
 — er — should have felt it my duty to write and inform his 
 respected parent of his— er — in fact, of his folly. And that 
 would have been unpleasant for all parties." 
 
 With a preliminary sniff or two, Sammy relapsed into his 
 former drowzy state. There was silence in the room for 
 some minutes, broken only by the hard breathing of the 
 little old tutor and the scratch and squeak of Blackstone's 
 pen as it sped its way across the paper. 
 
 It was a very proper letter, that of Sir Arthur Blackstone 
 to Miss Woodward. Even Bunny's jealousy could not 
 have objected to a single word or phrase of it. It began, 
 " Dear Miss Woodward," and it ended "Your sincere friend, 
 Arthur Blackstone." It was nothing but a concise account 
 of his interview with Harry Jones, and of the plans which 
 had been made for that gentleman's future welfare. 
 
 Having directed the envelope, he put it in the inward 
 pocket of his coat, and stole from the room, making as little 
 noise as possible for fear of disturbing Sammy. He took 
 his hat and stick from the hall-table, where he had left 
 them, and passed out into the street. Then, and not till 
 then, he gave vent to a prolonged whistle — a whistle that 
 had been pent up within him ever since he had heard the 
 nature of Bunny's excuse. 
 
 "That's a good, old-fashioned lie anyway ! " he muttered. 
 " He'll get himself in a pretty mess if he doesn't look out ! 
 Sammy may mention it in writing to his father, or his father 
 may come up to town and have a talk with Sammy. I 
 wouldn't be in his shoes for something ! " 
 
 The sun had set and the sky was smoky red before him. 
 The air had become very cold, and vapours were rising 
 from no one knows where, rapidly condensing into fog. 
 Down the long curve of the Hammersmith Road the 
 square tower of a church with tapering pinnacles stood up
 
 262 ALL FOOLS 
 
 blue and misty against the Inst rosy flush of sunset, which 
 gleamed above a bank of purple cloud. 
 
 "By Jove, though, it's pretty!" Blackstone thought. 
 "Why, it's almost as good as a painting." 
 
 With which high tribute to Nature he turned into the 
 shadow of a by-street, and forgot the sunset for the time 
 being. 
 
 "No, sir, she ain't in, Miss Milly ain't ! " was the answer 
 to his inquiry at the house in St. Christopher Avenue. 
 "But Mr. Percy 've jess come back, if you was wishin' to 
 see 'im ! " 
 
 Blackstone, signifying his readiness to see Mr. Percy, 
 was ushered into the little dining-room, where he was soon 
 joined by the gentleman in question. 
 
 " Well, Sir Arthur, this is an honour ! " Percy said, 
 flushing with pleasure as he shook Blackstone's band and 
 remembered that it was the hand of a real live bart. " Sit 
 down, sir ! Pray, sit down ! " 
 
 Blackstone laid the letter upon the table. 
 
 " I want you to give this note to Miss W^oodward, if you 
 please. I should like her to have it as soon as she comes 
 in." 
 
 " She shall, sir, she shall ! " said Percy, rubbing his bands 
 and eyeing the envelope with keen appreciation. Mil was 
 going ahead, and no mistake. A bart. spoke as respectfully 
 of her as if she had been the Queen of England, and wrote 
 letters to her, and what not ! Why, for aught Percy knew, 
 that note might be an invitation for the whole Woodward 
 family to go down and spend a month at Wulborough, to 
 meet the Duke and Duchess of Tumfoozlegig, my Lord 
 Tiddleywink, and all the rest of the tiptoppers. At least 
 he would have something to boast of to his colleagues at 
 the bank. 
 
 Blackstone's voice broke in upon his reverie. " I say, 
 how's the pup ? "
 
 ALL FOOLS 263 
 
 " Oh, he's as right as a trivet ! He's down in the kitchen 
 now, having his supper. He'll be up here in a minute on 
 the look-out for Mil. He knows her footstep four doors off. 
 Remarkable the sagacity of these animals, isn't it, Sir 
 Arthur ? Why, you'd hardly believe it, but that dog has 
 got to know me quite well ! He'll come and curl himself 
 up on the rug here, when I'm smoking my pipe after 
 dinner, as friendly as can be ! " 
 
 " He's had time enough to get used to you, goodness 
 knows ! " said Blackstone, who found nothing strange in all 
 this. " Now I must really be going," he added, as Jane 
 came in to draw the blinds. " Please tell Miss Woodward 
 that I hope she isn't any the worse for the excitement and 
 worry of last night, and that I've done my best to settle the 
 Harry Jones affair." 
 
 Percy was utterly bewildered. " Harry Jones ! " he 
 gasped. " Last night ! " 
 
 Blackstone, who had forgotten that her brother knew 
 nothing of all that had happened, felt bound to stay and 
 explain matters. And, as the story was rather long, and 
 was moreover interrupted by numerous questions and 
 comments on Percy's part, it chanced that he was still 
 explaining when the front door opened to a latchkey, and 
 a light step was heard in the hall. 
 
 "That's Mil!" exclaimed Percy, darting to the door. 
 " Come in, old girl ! Here's Sir Arthur Blackstone himself 
 come to see you, and brought you a note ! " 
 
 His sister appeared, blushing and radiant. She looked 
 wonderfully kissable, Blackstone thought, in her thick 
 winter jacket, with some grey fur caressing her cheek. In 
 common politeness he had to stay a little longer and talk 
 to her. 
 
 Had he seen the bull-dog ? No ? Then Percy must go 
 and fetch it. And, while they were alone together, Black- 
 stone found time to tell her briefly what he had done in the
 
 264 ALL FOOLS 
 
 matter of Harry Jones. She thanked him, with tears in her 
 eyes, and gave him her hand to hold — a priceless treasure 
 — with which he was loth to part. Then, Percy re-appear- 
 ing with Sambo, they both looked preternaturally innocent, 
 and spoke hurriedly of the weather. 
 
 At length, when all had been said that could be said 
 about the bull-dog and its points, Blackstone rose reluctantly, 
 declaring that he must really be going, if he meant to 
 be back at Sammy's in time for dinner. Milly said, " Oh, 
 must you really ? " with such regretful pathos, that he would 
 certainly have sat down again had not a stern sense of duty 
 held him to his purpose. She gave him her hand at parting, 
 and he longed to raise it to his lips, but dared not, loving 
 her as he did, and remembering her engagement to Bunn)'. 
 
 "How's Mr, Geegee?" Percy asked, as he opened the 
 front-door with a flourish for the bart. to pass out. " And 
 my future brother-in-law, Lee-Stretton, is he quite well?" 
 
 Blackstone replied, " Both all right. Got a bit knocked 
 about last night, but nothing to speak of." 
 
 And he passed down the strip of tesselated pavement 
 and out into the ill-lighted avenue. When he emerged 
 from the labyrinth of by-streets into the wide sweep of the 
 Hammersmith Road, there was no longer any red in the 
 west, but only a blue spirit-light burning low in the sky, 
 behind the smoke-wreaths. The church tower loomed 
 dark and ghostly. For the moment he wished that Bunny 
 — rabbit mouth, billycock, walking-stick and all — could 
 have vanished like the sun, taking the light of his counten- 
 ance to gladden the Antipodes, and leaving Sir Arthur 
 Blackstone to darkness, illumined only by the rising hope 
 of Millicent. But, alas ! the age of such miracles is long 
 since past.
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. 
 
 OF LIES IN GENERAL, AND MR LEE-STRETTON'S IN 
 PARTICULAR. 
 
 There was once an Irish gentleman, the descendant of a 
 thousand kings, the son of one baker. He was a member 
 of Parliament, an orator, a poet, a novelist, a patriot, a 
 Fenian, an anarchist, a socialist, and would have been a 
 king if he had had his rights. He died, poor fellow, upon 
 the terrace of the House of Commons, from mixing 
 metaphors in his cups. One of his sayings has come down 
 to us. 
 
 The Secretary of State for Ireland, arch-enemy of all true 
 patriots, had just made a statement. 
 
 " Lies," said the Irish gentleman, rising and glaring at 
 the minister, who, it is reported, quailed beneath his 
 glance — " lies are prolific as rabbuts ; but although ye 
 cannot do with liss than two rabbuts if ye are wishin' to 
 start a warrun, one single, dastur-rdly lie has power booth to 
 begit and to bring forth a hool bivvy of hilthy and robust 
 prevar-rications, which strut abroad like paycocks, desavin' 
 by the brightness of their plumage, impoosin' upon the 
 behoolder, and swellin' and growin', until he belaves them 
 to be very lions of ver-racity. Ye will not shoot them like 
 young rooks, neither will ye catch them with a lampoon 
 like whales. They are vampoires suckin' the life-blood 
 from the dry boons of truth. Like swine, they drag ye 
 where ye were not wishin' to go, runnin' between your legs, 
 hangin' on to your trousers, and causin' ye indliss embar- 
 
 265
 
 266 ALL FOOLS 
 
 rassment, until at lingth they rise and, catchin' ye on their 
 hor-runs, toss ye hidlong into the black abyss, where 
 burruns the fire of Hill ! " 
 
 This is a memorable saying, and there is a modicum of 
 truth in it. Bunny had told one apparently harmless, 
 little lie, and lo ! a thousand considerable untruths had 
 sprung from it, naturally, as it were, and without his con- 
 nivance. They had not, it is true, attained to the horned 
 stage, neither did he as yet so much as smell the smoke of 
 the infernal pit ; but, metaphorically speaking, they 
 scampered about his legs, so that he could hardly take a 
 step in any direction without tripping over some of them ; 
 and, strange to tell, each trip of his increased their number 
 by one, by two, and sometimes by three. 
 
 Sammy had snortingly remonstrated with him upon the 
 subject of his intimacy with what the little old tutor 
 chivalrously termed a " female." He had said that, unless 
 the matter could be explained to his (Sammy's) satisfaction, 
 he would feel it his duty to write and warn Bunny's father 
 of the substantial damages his son was preparing to incur. 
 Therefore Bunny had hastily stated that Miss Woodward 
 was an old school friend of his sister ; and, almost before 
 he was himself aware of the fact, he had named a boarding- 
 school at Brighton, as the opening scene of the friendship, 
 and had further mentioned that Miss Woodward often 
 spent months together as a visitor at his home, and that 
 his father and mother had no dearer wish than that their 
 son should woo, and ultimately wed, this beautiful and 
 accomplished girl. 
 
 Sammy had inhaled his satisfaction and rehef in three 
 distinct sniffs, and had let it out again in as many exultant 
 snorts. He had called Bunny a nice, gentlemanly young 
 fellow, and had sent him away with a cigar in his mouth. 
 But, to the mind of Bunny, smoking the first fruits of 
 infamy in the solitude of his own bedroom, a thought
 
 ALL FOOLS 267 
 
 occurred, bringing apprehension with it. Suppose that 
 Sammy should make mention of Millicent in his letter, 
 when he sent home the account for the term ! Nothing 
 could be more natural, after what he had himself said of 
 his parents' views on the subject. 
 
 " I say," murmured the unhappy youth, " it's beastly 
 awkward, you know ! '' 
 
 He hurried downstairs again, and knocked at the door of 
 the study. In reply to his tutor's questioning glance, he 
 said : 
 
 " I forgot to ask you, sir, not to mention what I've told 
 you in writing to my people. I wish it to come as a 
 surprise to them, you see ! I shall let them fancy that I 
 don't care a rap for Miss Woodward, and then, all of a 
 sudden, I shall tell tliem, and they'll go pretty well mad 
 with joy ! " 
 
 "Er — umph — er — very well, Mr. Lee-Stretton," said the 
 tutor, with a prefatory snort. "You are a very dutiful 
 young fellow — very dutiful and — and filial indeed ! I shall 
 make a point of keeping your secret. Er — by the way — if 
 you will give me Miss — Miss Woodmill's address, Mrs. 
 Thompson shall call upon her, and she and her mother 
 might come here sometimes to dinner. I am most anxious 
 to further your parents' wishes in this matter — wishes 
 which — er — in this case, coincide with your own. You are 
 a nice, gentlemanly young fellow — " He was going to 
 add, " Have a cigar ? " but, seeing that his pupil was in the 
 act of smoking", he substituted, " Er — what is the address ? " 
 
 Bunny's face was crimson. 
 
 " I say, you know ! It's awfully good of you, sir ! But 
 the fact is — at least — unless — well, the truth is, I believe 
 she's going down to our place to-morrow — to stay with my 
 sister, you know ! And she won't be coming back to town 
 till after Easter ! " 
 
 " Er — dear me, how very unfortunate ! But — er — if you
 
 268 ALL FOOLS 
 
 will give me the address, Mrs. Thompson will have 
 great pleasure in calling on Mrs. — in fact, on Mrs. 
 Millywood." 
 
 " T say, thanks awfully, sir," stammered Bunny, " but I'm 
 afraid it can't be managed." 
 
 "Er — why not?" asked the tutor, in some surprise. 
 "Mrs. Thompson would be delighted,* I'm sure, to — er — to 
 do the polite to the young lady's mother." 
 
 Bunny was becoming desperate. 
 
 " Well, the fact is, it can't be done, because she's dead 
 and buried — died only the other day, of — of apoplexy ! " 
 
 " Dear, dear ! " murmured Sammy, with deep solemnity, 
 " how very shocking ! But — er — excuse the question — if 
 she had so lately lost her mother, what was Miss — er — Miss 
 Woodymill doing at Campden Hill last night ? 1 fear she 
 can have no bowels of compassion ! " 
 
 " Oh, when I say ' the other day,' I mean months — years 
 ago !" explained Bunny hastily. "They've got quite used 
 to looking at her tombstone, you know ! And they've 
 chucked mourning, and all that sort of thing ! " 
 
 " Ah — er — I see ! But if you will give me the address, 
 Mrs. Thompson can at least leave a card. Er — as I said 
 before, I am most anxious to further your parents' wishes, 
 and your own, in this matter." 
 
 Bunny faltered : 
 
 " I — I can't give you the address, because there isn't 
 one ! She's just sold her town house, and she's on the 
 look-out for a small place in our county, so as to be near 
 my sister ! " 
 
 " Umph — er — well, well ! In that case, I fear it is im- 
 possible,'' said Sammy, with a disappointed sniff. " But 
 you will kindly let me know when she returns to town, and 
 Mrs. Thompson will have much pleasure in calling upon 
 her, at an hotel or elsewhere." 
 
 " Oh, yes, I'll do that ! " said Bunny, greatly relieved.
 
 ALL FOOLS 269 
 
 " Please don't forget to keep my engagement a secret from 
 my people, sir ! " 
 
 And he went upstairs to finish his cigar, leaving his 
 tutor with no doubts as to the desirability of a match 
 between one of his pupils and a young lady of fortune, 
 who had sold her London house, and was even then on the 
 look-out for a snug little place in the country. He could 
 not enough admire the kind forethought of the "nice, 
 gentlemanly young fellow," who chose to fill the cup of his 
 parents' happiness to the brim, before handing it to them. 
 There were endless cigars for Bunny in perspective. 
 
 But Mr. Lee-Stretton, entangled as he was in a network 
 of lies, which hampered all his movements, felt wretched 
 and ill at ease. Even in the presence of his betrothed he 
 was sometimes thoughtful, even morose. When, as some- 
 times happened in these later days, he went to tea in St. 
 Christopher Avenue on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, he 
 could not help contrasting Milly's actual surroundings with 
 the brilliant position he had invented for her. The maid- 
 of-all-work, the dining-room, Percy, even the invalid mother 
 in her bedroom upstairs, suffered by the comparison. At 
 such times he became quite surly and snappish — so much 
 so that MiUicent began to wonder whether he was altogether 
 the characterless being she was wont to think him. 
 
 So the days wore on, and Bunny's lies almost imper- 
 ceptibly increased in number, until they were as an army of 
 pigmies arrayed against him, each brandishing a poisoned 
 dart. By the time the Christmas holidays came, they had 
 grown to giants, and every dart was a ten-foot spear. 
 
 If he had dreaded the going home in the summer, he 
 dreaded it ten-fold now. Then there had only been the 
 one sweet secret, a trellis, as it were, of honeysuckle, 
 between himself and the home-people. Now, there was a 
 whole prickly cactus-hedge of lies as well, one growing out 
 of another, and the honeysuckle was out of bloom. He
 
 270 ALL FOOLS 
 
 felt the need of talking it over with somebody ; but Black- 
 stone, very busy in the affair of Harry Jones, was seldom at 
 leisure, and Brown Geegee, with his genius for grinning, was 
 quite out of the question. On more than one occasion he 
 went to the baronet's bedroom to unburden his conscience, 
 only to find that the room was empty, or that its inmate, 
 adding up accounts and making calculations with a 
 puckered brow, had nothing but an expletive, and a hasty 
 " I'm busy ; get out " to bestow on a visitor. It was not 
 until the very eve of his home-going that he found the long- 
 sought occasion of speaking to Blackstone alone. 
 
 They had, all three, been smoking their pipes in the 
 class-room after dinner, when Brown Geegee suddenly rose, 
 knocked out his pipe against the mantelpiece, and, mutter- 
 ing something about the resumption of his studies, shuffled 
 out of the room. 
 
 Bunny looked intently at the fender. 
 
 " I say, you're not busy, are you, old chap ? " 
 
 "No," said Blackstone. "I've finished off that Jones 
 business, you know. He's fixed up in a bran-new shop 
 down at Walham Green, and seems likely to do well. 
 You might buy your tobacco there, youngster. The walk '11 
 do you good ; besides, it'll please Miss Woodward." 
 
 He picked up the poker and began to beat a tattoo 
 upon the chimney-piece, where his feet were resting. 
 
 " I can't see what she sees in him to make such a fuss 
 about," said Bunny contemptuously. " He's a vulgar little 
 beast; and I should say a sound thrashing would do him 
 more good than all the petting in the world." 
 
 "You're wrong," Blackstone said, dropping the poker 
 and taking his pipe from his mouth to emphasise the denial. 
 " A thrashing would have sent him to the devil at a gallop, 
 but this petting, as you call it, is making a man of him 
 again. I shouldn't wonder "—he resumed his pipe — " if it 
 made a gentleman of him in the long run."
 
 ALL FOOLS 271 
 
 Bunny laughed, trying to take the matter as a joke, 
 despite his friend's earnestness ; but his' face was expressive 
 of disgust. Harry Jones a gentleman ! What would Black- 
 stone be saying next? He made haste to change the 
 subject. 
 
 " But I say, you know, I'm awfully glad you're not busy 
 because I want to talk to you — to ask your advice, in fact." 
 
 " Fire away." 
 
 "Well, it's about those lies I've told Sammy. It's beastly 
 awkward, you know. I feel that I'm behaving like a cad, 
 and I should be awfully glad to get out of it. But what's a 
 fellow to do ? " 
 
 Bunny shrugged his shoulders despondently. 
 
 Blackstone looked at him in silence for some seconds, 
 and then said : 
 
 *' Make a clean breast of it. Tell your mother. She 
 won't be very hard on you." 
 
 " Oh, I say, you know, I couldn't really. She'd be sure 
 to tell the governor and — and my sister, too, and there'd be 
 the deuce of a row." 
 
 " Well, what of that ? It's bound to come sooner or 
 later. You may as well have it now, and get it over." 
 
 " I shouldn't mind so much if it was only my father and 
 mother, you see," said Bunny, leaning forward and 
 speaking very earnesily. " But there's my sister." 
 
 Blackstone stroked his moustache. 
 
 " Ah, I understand ! Afraid of your sister ! Bit of a 
 tartar, is she ? Well, most of 'em are when you know 'em. 
 Glad I never had a sister, if they make a man feel that 
 way. What like is this sister of yours, Bunny ? " 
 
 " Well, I don't quite know," said Bunny pensively. 
 " Never thought of looking at her. So far as I remember, 
 she has grey eyes, and a hooked nose, and rather rosy 
 cheeks. She's about my height, and takes my colour in 
 hair. I know one or two fellows round our place think her
 
 2<f2 ALL FOOLS 
 
 a fine girl. I've heard the servants complain that she's 
 haughty." 
 
 Blackstone eyed his fellow-pupil with compassion. 
 
 " VVears a sailor hat and a tailor-made coat and skirt, 
 high collar, red tie, and brown boots ? Stares at you when 
 she shakes hands somewhere up in the air, and sneers a bit, 
 as if she wonders what the people of the house can be 
 thinking of to let a cad like you into a garden-party. 
 Thaws a bit later on, and marries you if you give her the 
 chance. But if you're wise or an old hand, you bolt 
 directly you've shaken hands, and inquire your way lo the 
 place where they keep the refreshments. I've only been to 
 one or two garden-parties and at homes in my life, but I 
 know your sister quite well by sight." 
 
 " I say, you know," Bunny protested ; '' she isn't really 
 as bad as all that ! But I simply daren't let her know of 
 my engagement." 
 
 '^ Sticks up for the honour of the family, doesn't she ? " 
 pursued Blackstone, with the suspicion of a sneer. "Knows 
 the pedigree by heart. I suppose she'd look down upon 
 Miss Woodward — eh, young 'un ? " 
 
 " I'm afraid she would," said Bunny uneasily. 
 
 " Well, look here." Blackstone started to his feet and 
 confronted Mr. Lee-Stretton. " Which do you like best — 
 your sister or Miss Woodward ? " 
 
 " Milly, of course," said Bunny, reddening. 
 
 Blackstone sat down again as suddenly as he had risen. 
 
 " Well, then, make a clean breast of it directly you get 
 home. They can't prevent your marrying the girl as soon 
 as you're of age, since you say you'll come in for some 
 money of your own." 
 
 " But, I say, you know, they'd want to come up to town 
 and call on her people ; and then they'd see that cad Percy, 
 and there'd be the devil of a row ! " 
 
 " Has it never struck you," said Blackstone quietly^ " that
 
 ALL FOOLS 273 
 
 you ought to give her a chance of seeing your family ? It 
 seems to me that you're not playing fair, young 'un ! She 
 has introduced you to her people, and you're inclined to 
 run them down, I think it more than likely that she'll 
 have a strong objection to yours." 
 
 " What objection could she possibly have to them, I 
 should like to know ? " said Bunny, very red and angry. 
 " You have no right to speak of my people like that, 
 Blackstone." 
 
 " Vou have certainly no right to speak of your fiaticee's 
 relations as you did just now," said Blackstone languidly. 
 " My dear fellow, I'm only putting the matter before you 
 from their point of view." 
 
 " It's quite impossible ! " exclaimed Bunny excitedly. 
 " I simply daren't tell my people and let them find out the 
 lies I've told Sammy. I'll marry her as soon as I'm twenty- 
 one, and then I'll take her down to our place, and in- 
 troduce her all round. They can't object to her personally, 
 of course. Even you, Blackstone, must confess that Milly's 
 a perfect lady in herself." 
 
 " I never doubted it," said Blackstone, with the slightest 
 possible stress upon the personal pronoun. 
 
 •'Well, then," Bunny concluded, " I shall arrange it like 
 that — marry her first, and introduce her afterwards. My 
 birthday's on the first of April, you know, so they won't 
 have very long to wait." 
 
 With that he rose, stretched himself, and went upstairs 
 to pack his portmanteau. 
 
 "The proper birthday for a fool," muttered Blackstone, 
 gazing thoughtfully into the red depths of the fir;\ " If I 
 don't make a better gentleman than that out of Harry Jones, 
 the tradesman's son, may I be d— d ! "
 
 CHAPTER XXIV. 
 
 IN WHICH MISS WOODWARD SHOWS HER GRATITUDE TO 
 SIR ARTHUR BLACKSTONE BY ASKING OF HIM A 
 FAVOUR, AND AN INDIAN GENTLEMAN HAS BAD NEWS 
 TO TELL. 
 
 So Bunny went home for Christmas, and his Hes went with 
 him, a nest of hornets in his very heart. During four long 
 weeks he knew but little peace of mind, for his sister's grey 
 eyes were inquisitive upon him, or his guilty conscience 
 found them so. Miss Catherine Lee-Stretton was full of 
 questions about her brother's life in London, and was 
 especially curious in all that concerned Sir Arthur Black- 
 stone. 
 
 " I should like to know him," she said, on more than one 
 occasion. " You must bring him to see me, Douglas, 
 when next I'm in town." 
 
 And Bunny, feeling in his heart that she suspected his 
 secret and hoped to worm the truth out of Blackstone, 
 mentally vowed that he would " be blowed if he did," but 
 promised all the same. 
 
 Meanwhile, Blackstone stayed in town and read diligently 
 in his agricultural and veterinary books, only going down to 
 Wulborough for two or three days after Christmas. Every 
 morning, after breakfast, he sat down with his books at one 
 end of the long table, while Brown Geegee installed him- 
 self at the other. Sammy would look in, once or twice in 
 the course of the morning, to see whether the coloured 
 gentleman was in need of help. He never failed to call 
 them "nice, gentlemanly young fellows," and often gave 
 
 274
 
 ALL FOOLS 275 
 
 them a cigar a-picce, as the guerdon of their diligence. 
 After lunch they fell into the like studious attitudes until 
 half-past three or four o'clock, when they had some tea and 
 sallied forth arm in arm to take the air. 
 
 Blackstone had no difficulty in persuading the coloured 
 gentleman to buy all his tobacco of Harry Jones ; and so it 
 happened that their evening walk often ended in a chat with 
 Mr. Jones in the little parlour behind his shop at Walham 
 Green. The ex-traveller in the bedstead line, viewing 
 Brown Geegee in the light of a Maharajah, felt highly 
 honoured by these visits, and was so effusive in his 
 hospitality that the coloured gentleman was never weary of 
 shaking his hand and assuring him of his friendship with a 
 dazzling display of teeth. 
 
 Indeed, so fond did Brown Geegee become of this new 
 friend that once, when Blackstone proposed that they should 
 go and call on the Woodwards, by way of a change, he 
 declined with many thanks and shuffled off alone in the 
 direction of Walham Green. Blackstone was not sorry for 
 this, as it made the chance of a confidential chat with Miss 
 Woodward less remote. He watched the coloured gentle- 
 man — a mere bundle of wraps and a topper, that cold day 
 — out of sight ; and then made the best of his way to St. 
 Christopher Avenue. 
 
 Miss Milly was at home, the maid-of-all-work said, and 
 Mr. Percy too ! Blackstone allowed himself to be ushered 
 upstairs into the drawing-room. 
 
 He had never seen this room before, and he thought it 
 mighty pretty, as he stood in the middle of the floor, await- 
 ing Miss Woodward's appearance. He saw her hand in 
 everything — in the Japanese fans, stuck about at eccentric 
 angles upon the walls, in the strange artistic blue of the 
 wall-paper, in the bamboo furniture, in the nick-nacks lying 
 about upon queer little tables, which were of no use to any- 
 body and surely had no business in so small a room. The
 
 276 ALL FOOLS 
 
 curtains so gracefully draped, and which harmonised so 
 well with wall-paper and carpet, were of her choosing and 
 arranging, he felt sure. The spiric of her lurked in every 
 wrinkle of a primrose shade, which crowned a standard 
 lamp by the window, in the very gas-light, which made it 
 all visible to his eyes. His heart went out to the little 
 room for its mistress' sake, and he was just thinking that he 
 would have a room furnished like it at Wulborough, when 
 Miss Woodward herself entered, and surroundings sank 
 into insignificance. 
 
 He had come to tell her that Harry Jones was settled in 
 his new shop, and seemed likely to prosper — that was all ! 
 As he told his story and she sat before him, with downcast 
 eyes, her colour coming and going, her bosom rising and 
 falling in agitation, he could not help recalling that last 
 conversation with Bunny, much to his fellow-pupil's dis- 
 advantage. What a fool Lee-Stretton was, and a bit of a 
 cad into the bargain ! 
 
 He had scarcely finished speaking when Percy came in, 
 very spruce and dapper, in his frock-coat and a pair of light 
 trousers, donned for the occasion ; and the hardly 
 perceptible perfume of Milly, which had sweetened the room 
 till then, shrank before a strong and unmistakable smell of 
 brilliantine. 
 
 " How are you. Sir Arthur ? " he said. " This is an 
 honour. I'd 've told the slavey to put the room to rights, 
 if I'd known you were coming. I — " 
 
 He would have run on much further in the same 
 strain, had not Milly shot sharp arrows of disapproval 
 from under her bent brows. As it was he rubbed his 
 hands, looked confused, and murmured only, "This is 
 an honour ! " 
 
 " I say, Woodward, you're a smoker, aren't you ? " said 
 Blackstone. "You might get your tobacco from Harry 
 Jones ! I always deal there myself now, and I make a
 
 ALL FOOLS 277 
 
 point of recommending him to all my friends. Geegee's 
 round there at this minute." 
 
 Percy scratched the back of his ear thoughtfully, keeping 
 half an eye upon his sister's face, to make sure that he 
 should not " put his foot in it " again. 
 
 " Well, Sir Arthur, it's like this, you see ! The moment 
 I found that I'd been, so to speak, nourishing a viper in my 
 bosom, I said to myself, ' No more Joneses for me ! ' But 
 since you say that he's a reformed character — why, we'll let 
 bygones be bygones, and I'll go and buy some tobacco off 
 him." 
 
 Blackstone slapped iMr. Woodward upon the back. 
 
 "That's right!" he said. "The name of the shop is 
 Twinkler & Jones, and it's just across the road from 
 Walham Green station. You might recommend it to your 
 friends if you find the baccy good ! " 
 
 " I will, Sir Arthur, I will," said Percy fervently, his back 
 yet tingling from the friendly slap of a bart.'s hand. " I'll 
 tell Elf and Bert next time I see them. They spend half 
 their lives in tobacconists' shops, so they ought to be good 
 customers. And I'll mention it in the debating society, 
 next meeting we have. We might make him By Appoint- 
 ment, seeing he was once a member ! " 
 
 "It is so kind of you to take all this trouble on my 
 account," said MilUcent, giving her hand to Blackstone 
 when he rose to take his leave. " I do not know how to 
 thank you." 
 
 Percy had left the room for a minute, to tell his mother 
 of the bart.'s affability. 
 
 " Oh, there's nothing to make a fuss about ! " said 
 Blackstone awkwardly. " I'm only too glad of the chance 
 of serving you. Is there anything else I can do ? " 
 
 "There is something — " Millicent began; then she 
 stopped short, and reddened to the tips of her pretty 
 ears.
 
 2/8 ALL FOOLS 
 
 '' Do tell me ! " said Blackstone eagerly. " It's as good 
 as done ! " 
 
 He was still holding her hand, though he himself was 
 hardly conscious of the fact, and surely Millicent knew 
 nothing of it or she would have withdrawn it at once. 
 
 "Douglas told me — at least, I heard," she murmured, 
 with eyes intent upon the pattern of the carpet. " I know 
 I have no right to say such a thing, but please don't get 
 drunk any more ! Ever since I saw Mr. Jones like that, 
 and — and realised what a dreadful thing it is, I've wished 
 — at least, I've remembered what Douglas told me, and 
 I've hoped it was not true. You'll forgive me, won't you ? 
 I know it's very impertinent of me, but I couldn't bear to 
 think of you as being like that ! " 
 
 She glanced timidly up into his face ; but, as if frightened 
 at what they saw there, her eyes fell again directly. 
 
 "Miss Woodward," he said, in a husky voice, " I promise 
 you faithfully, upon my honour as a gentleman, that I will 
 try and be worthy of your good opinion." 
 
 "No, no!" she exclaimed, in a frightened tone. "Not 
 for my sake — for your own ! " 
 
 "Anyhow, I promise." And in order to seal the promise 
 by some outward and memorable act, he raised the little 
 trembling hand to his lips and kissed it. 
 
 "Oh, how silly you are ! " she said, laughing down a sob. 
 " But it is very good of you not to be angry." 
 
 " How should I be angry ? I think it's awfully good of 
 you to take any interest in me at all. Nobody has ever 
 done as much for me in my life — except schoolmasters, and 
 they were paid for it." 
 
 " Well, I shall consider that you have paid me, and paid 
 me handsomely, too, if you keep your word," she said, with 
 a fleeting smile. "By the way, you've never once asked 
 after Sambo ! " 
 
 " How forgetful of me ! Well, how is he ? "
 
 ALL FOOLS 279 
 
 " I've a good mind not to tell you," she replied, with a 
 pout. " You ought to have remembered him before! He's 
 very well, he thanks you." 
 
 Blackstone looked at his watch. 
 
 "I must really be going now! Good-bye." 
 
 She gave him her hand again, saying, " Thank you so 
 much for all that you have done for me ! Nobody in the 
 world could have done it so quickly or so well ! " 
 
 His face flushed with pleasure. He longed to raise the 
 hand again to his lips, but the former excuse was wanting, 
 and before he could summon up his courage she had with- 
 drawn the white temptation. There was nothing for it but 
 to go, so he wished her a happy New Year and went out of 
 the room. On the landing he ran against Percy, who 
 escorted him downstairs with all possible honours. The 
 hall-lamp, more obvious now than in the daytime, was 
 safely dodged, and the two men shook hands at the door. 
 
 Blackstone asked: "I say, Woodward, do you ride?" 
 
 Percy replied : "Oh, yes. I'm thinking of buying a bike 
 next quarter. What make do you recommend ? " 
 
 " Horses I meant." 
 
 " A — a little," faltered Percy, with a nervous chuckle. 
 
 The little referred to was a donkey on Hampstead Heath, 
 and perhaps a camel or an elephant in the Zoo. 
 
 " Good ! Then you must come down to my place for a 
 day's hunting some day soon. I can give you a pretty 
 decent mount, and we'll try and make it lively for you." 
 
 Percy shuddered, as he thought that what Sir Arthur 
 called " lively," would be deadly as nightshade to him. 
 
 " I'm afraid I couldn't manage it," he said. " You see, 
 I can't get away from the bank, except Saturday afternoons 
 and Sundays." 
 
 "What a nuisance! But, at any rate, you must get 
 leave and come down for the partridges next autumn." 
 
 "Delighted," gasped Percy; "good-night."
 
 28o ALL FOOLS 
 
 Next auLuian was a long way off, that was one blessing. 
 He might join the volunteers in the interval and get some 
 idea of shooting. In the meanwhile, there were two 
 separate invitations to boast of, from *' my friend. Sir 
 Arthur Blackstone, Bart." The green-eyed monster would 
 be rampant in the bank. 
 
 As Blackstone bent his steps homeward through the 
 lighted streets, he kept his right hand inside his coat, only 
 taking it out now and then, when the coast was clear, to 
 look at it admiringly. A postman, coming sharp rouhd a 
 corner, saw him standing under a lamp-post smiling re- 
 miniscently at this hand of his. The obtuse bond-servant 
 of a Penny Stamp supposed him mad ; but it was but the 
 gentle lunacy of love, which falls upon baronets and post- 
 men alike, and which, in the case of postmen, is subject to 
 the influence of a new moon at least three times in every 
 month. 
 
 Arrived at his tutor's, Blackstone had barely time to wash, 
 and put on a black coat and waistcoat, before the second 
 bell rang. As it was, he was the last to take his seat at the 
 dinner-table, and, while he was hurrying through his soup, 
 had no eye for the antics of Brown Geegee, who sat opposite, 
 and who was doing all that he could to attract his attention. 
 But when, the soup being disposed of, he had leisure to look 
 about him, he saw at once that something was wrong with 
 Geegee, and felt strongly disposed to throw a decanter at 
 his head. 
 
 The coloured gentleman's grimaces were frightful to 
 witness. He grinned, and then frowned, and then did 
 both at once, as only a coloured gentleman could. Catch- 
 ing Blackstone's eye, he straightway put his finger to his 
 lip, leering horribly out of the corners of his eyes, first at 
 Sammy, then at Mrs. Sammy, as if to warn him that they 
 were not alone. Then he pointed to the ceiling, then to 
 the floor, and finally threw back his head, drew his finger
 
 ALL FOOLS 281 
 
 across his dusky throat, and grinned with ghastly 
 significance. 
 
 "Let me — er — let me warn you, once for all, against 
 the perils of chronic alcoholism." 
 
 The tutor leaned across the table, and snorted at the 
 coloured gentleman. 
 
 Brown Geegee suddenly resumed his wonted aspect. 
 
 ' I have never chronically alcohoUzed in all my life," he 
 cried indignantly. " It is a nasly-satan lie." 
 
 Mrs, Thompson, from the other end of the table, 
 murmured reprovingly : 
 
 " Mr. Geegee, Mr. Geegee ; surely you are forgetting 
 your manners?" 
 
 " I apologise to you, sir," said Brown Geegee hurriedly, 
 dropping a grin in his tutor's direction ; " but I am not 
 alcoholized whatever — only excited. Ah, Blackstone, my 
 friend, I have many things to say to you." 
 
 Mrs. Thompson suggested, " Perhaps they will keep 
 until after dinner." 
 
 " Oh, yes, they will keep," said Bjown Geegee. " They 
 cannot possibly go more bad than they are already." 
 
 He held his peace, curbing his grimacing propensities, 
 until dessert was on the table, when he withdrew with 
 Blackstone to the class room to smoke a pipe. 
 
 "What is it, old chap?" asked the latter, when they 
 were alone together. 
 
 " It is black-satan devilry," said Brown Geegee solemnly. 
 
 " Yes, I know. What else ? " 
 
 "This afternoon I sat with my friend Jones, in his shop, 
 and two men looked in at the door. They turned very 
 pale, like lumps of death, when they saw me. Then they 
 ran away. It was the Germans." 
 
 " Are we never to be rid of those scoundrels ? " thundered 
 Blackstone. " What did you and Jones do ? " 
 
 "Jones said ' D — n,' and I spat upon them in the spirit."
 
 282 ALL FOOLS 
 
 "Why didn't you run after them ? " exclaimed Blackstone 
 angrily. " We've got a clear case against them, if we can 
 only set the police on their track." 
 
 Brown Geegee grinned nervously. 
 
 "You need not lose your temper, Blackstone. I could 
 not run out, because I stayed to comfort my friend Jones, 
 who was very much disturbed by the evil-unexpected-satan- 
 bad sight. He asked me to tell you at once, that you 
 might go with all quickness to help him against them. He 
 says that he is sure they are looking for him, and that they 
 can damage him very much if they like. He made use of 
 the word ' blackmail,' which I remember to have read in 
 my law-books. He desires that you go to him immediately." 
 
 " It can't be done," said Blackstone thoughtfully. " I've 
 got a heap of letters to write, and to-morrow I'm bound to 
 go down to Wulborough for a day or two.' 
 
 " Look here, Geegee ! " he continued, rising and laying a 
 hand on the coloured gentleman's shoulder. " Can you 
 remember a long message ? " 
 
 " Rather," said Brown Geegee, his face retiring in favour 
 of a grin. " I have a palatial-big memory." 
 
 " Well, tell Jones that there's nothing to be afraid of, and 
 that they can't possibly do him any harm. If they come 
 again, he has only to give notice to the police. If they 
 threaten to expose his old connection with them, I know all 
 the facts of the case, and I promise to stand by him. Can 
 you remember all that ? " 
 
 " Yes," said Brown Geegee decidedly. " You speak like 
 a book, my very good friend." 
 
 " And you can tell him, while you're about it, that Percy 
 Woodward — Miss Woodward's brother, you know — has 
 agreed to let bygones be bygones." 
 
 " All right. I will go to him early in the morning, and 
 tell him all about it. He will be much relieved. I will 
 now retire to my room and resume my studies."
 
 ALL FOOLS 283 
 
 Left alone in the class-room, Blackstone dragged the 
 table nearer to the fire, and sat down to write. Long after 
 the tale of his letters was complete, he sat there, his face 
 half-turned to the dying embers. 
 
 " It's a nuisance ! " he muttered at length, picking up the 
 letters he had written, and preparing to go to bed. " But 
 it can't be helped. If only that young ass were out of the 
 way, I might stand some chance. But, as it is — it's no 
 good thinking about it, or I shall be making a blackguard 
 of myself. A jolly good job I'm going down to VVul- 
 borough to-morrow. I'm getting so confoundedly senti- 
 mental. But a day's hunting ought to put me to rights."
 
 CHAPTER XXV. 
 
 OF THE WAY OF A MAID WITH TWO MEN, AND OF THE 
 TEARFUL PROSPECT OF A WEDDING. 
 
 If Sir Arthur Blackstone really hoped to regain his peace 
 of mind in the course of a three days' stay in the country, 
 he was doomed to disappointment. Either Wulborough 
 had lost some of its ancient charm for him, or he had lost 
 some of his ancient liking for Wulborough. In spite of the 
 noisy welcome of some two dozen dogs of every age and 
 degree, he had no wish to prolong his visit beyond the 
 prescribed limit. His appearance at a meet of the fox- 
 hounds one grey Wednesday morning, was a signal for 
 every virgin huntress in the county to rally round him. He 
 only contrived to keep them at arm's length by solemnly 
 declaring that his horse was an awful fighter, which was as 
 big a lie as Bunny ever told. 
 
 " Where the carcase is, thither shall the eagles be gathered 
 together," he thought, and began to feel that he was not as 
 other hunting-men are, having to the best of his knowledge 
 quoted Shakespere. 
 
 He could not have shown less care for his person that 
 day, had he been indeed the carcase of his quotation. 
 Many a maiden heart beat wildly within the prison of a 
 tight habit, as the most eligible bachelor in the county leapt 
 five-barred gates and dashed his horse recklessly through 
 the tops of high hedges. But Sir Arthur Blackstone knew 
 nothing of these heart-beats. 
 
 There were dragons ahead, and he was ciiarging them, 
 284
 
 ALL FOOLS 285 
 
 for Milly's sake : such was his frame of mind that morn- 
 ing. But when, late in the afternoon, he rode his tired 
 steed back to Wulborough at a foot's pace, he was painfully 
 aware that there were no dragons anywhere, only wretched 
 little foxes, and that life was in no way worth living. Neither 
 was there any adequate solace in the yelping and barkint^ of 
 the motley pack of dogs, that came tearing down the drive 
 to welcome him. 
 
 He spent that evening in the library, closeted with his 
 baihff — a red-faced being of the farmer class, popularly 
 supposed to wear gaiters even in bed — who was greatly 
 surprised and somewhat dismayed at the profound know- 
 ledge of rurid matters displayed by the young squire. The 
 confidential adviser and general manager seemed Ukely to 
 degenerate into the right-hand man. Early the next 
 morning, Bill was at the door with the dog-cart, and Sir 
 Arthur Blackstone drove off on his return to town. 
 
 Brown Geegee had found the time hang very heavy on 
 his hands, in the absence of his tyrant. He had grown so 
 accustomed to be officered and bullied by Blackstone, that 
 he hardly knew what to do with himself when left to his 
 own devices. Besides, he had of late grown very 
 fond of Blackstone in his own mystic, Oiiental way — 
 perhaps because he had more than an inkling that 
 Blackstone harboured a secret liking for him. However 
 that may be, he welcomed his fellow-pupil with the utmost 
 effusion, shaking his hnnd for minutes at a time, and grin- 
 ning so consistently, that those who saw him feared that 
 his face would never come right again. 
 
 " Ah, Blackstone ! " he exclaimed, chuckling and showing 
 the whites of his eyes. " I have many messages for you 
 from my very good friend Jones ! " 
 
 '•' All right, Geegee ! I'll be ready to listen to you in a 
 minute ! " said the baronet, rushing upstairs to pay his 
 respects to Sammy, who was dozing over a book in the
 
 286 ALL FOOLS 
 
 musty, little study. Having received his tutor's blessing in 
 the shape of a cigar, he went up to his bedroom, unpacked 
 his portmanteau, and then joined Brown Geegee in the 
 class-room. 
 
 " Well, how have you been getting on, old image ? " he 
 asked paternally. 
 
 " I have been very dull," said the coloured gentleman, 
 with a cordial grimace. " But I have spent much time 
 with my friend Jones. Yesterday, I went to him at five 
 o'clock, and he asked me to stay to supper and I accepted. 
 The dinner was so well cooked that the cook came up and 
 sat with us afterwards. She is a very plump, amiable lady. 
 Moreover, she is satan-untidy. You know her, perhaps, 
 Blackstone ? " 
 
 Blackstone grinned. 
 
 " Oh, yes, I know Maria ! I'm glad she's a good cook, 
 for Jones's sake. Has he heard or seen anything of the 
 Germans ? " 
 
 Brown Geegee shook his head solemnly. 
 
 " No, they have vanished into nothingness. My friend 
 Jones asked me to thank you for your kind message. He 
 thinks you are a nice, friendly fellow, and he is much ob- 
 liged. Moreover, he is not so frightened as he was at first. 
 If they come again, he will send a messenger at once to 
 you. That is all the message, I think ! " 
 
 " I knew there was nothing for him to worry about," 
 said Blackstone, looking relieved nevertheless. " I'll go 
 round and look him up some afternoon soon." 
 
 " Come with me this evening ! " suggested the coloured 
 gentleman. 
 
 " I'm afraid I can't go to-day," he replied. " I've got to 
 call on some people." 
 
 Brown Geegee, looking disappointed, seized the earliest 
 opportunity of resuming his studies. Blackstone, who had 
 missed lunch, and was pretty hungry from his journey.
 
 ALL FOOLS 287 
 
 wandered about the house in search of food. He at length 
 found what he sought in the drawing-room, where Mrs. 
 Thompson and a lady visitor were indulging in afternoon 
 tea, toast, muffins, sandwiches, and a host of other dainties. 
 Having refreshed himself with three sandwiches and a 
 muffin, he left the ladies to their gossip, took his hat and 
 stick from a stand in the hall, and went out into the street. 
 
 " There's no earthly excuse for going," he muttered, 
 " but I can't help it ! " 
 
 And without more ado he set out for St. Christopher 
 Avenue. The lamplighter was just beginning his rounds 
 when he raised the latch of the iron gate, walked up the 
 strip of tesselated pavement, and announced his presence 
 by a loud double knock. After a minute's delay, the door 
 was opened ; and Blackstone, who had been schooling him- 
 self to an interview with the maid-of-all-work, was stricken 
 speechless, as the dainty form of Millicent herself stood 
 before him, outlined against the gloom of the passage. 
 
 " Won't you come in ? " she said ; " Percy isn't home 
 yet, but I expect him any minute ! " 
 
 Fancying that her mention of Percy implied disapproval 
 of his visit, Blackstone faltered : 
 
 " Oh, no, thank you I I only came round to inquire 
 how you were. Didn't expect to find you at home so 
 early ! " 
 
 " I have had a holiday to-day," she explained. " I have 
 not been very well since I saw you last." 
 
 "Oh, it's only a headache — nothing to speak of!" she 
 added hastily, reading the dismay in his face. " I shall be 
 all right to-morrow, I hope 1 " 
 
 '• Well, I mustn't keep you standing here in the cold," 
 he said, raising his hat, " I should Hke to call some other 
 time when your brother is in, if you'll allow me ! " 
 
 " Oh do, please, come whenever you like ! Percy will 
 be so glad ! He's almost always home by five o'clock, and
 
 288 ALL FOOLS 
 
 any time afier supper you'd be sure to find him. Thank 
 you so much for coming ! Good evening." 
 
 Blackstone strode away disconsolate. He had cherished 
 a budding hope that she was growing to like him very much, 
 that there might be some chance of ousting Bunny after all. 
 But, this evening, her manner had been far from cordial. 
 It had almost seemed as if she were afraid of him, so 
 uneasily had she stood before him in the darkness of the 
 doorway. 
 
 However, whether she liked him or not, he could not help 
 loving her and longing for the sight of her. So he called 
 the very next evening, ostensibly to see Percy, and, meet- 
 ing with a warm, if deferential, welcome from that gentle- 
 man, he needed no excuse for further visits. Yet, despite 
 his growing intimacy with the Woodwards, Millicent's 
 attitude towards him left much to be desired. When 
 circumstances obliged her to be in the same room with 
 him, she kept her eyes away from his face, only addressing 
 him indirectly through Percy. She saw through his excuse, 
 he thought, knew that it was not her brother he came to 
 see, and was angry with him for Bunny's sake. 
 
 One Saturday afternoon he went to tea in St. Christopher 
 Avenue, by Percy's invitation and Millicent's permission. 
 Rose Langley was of the party, radiant and inclined to be 
 boisterous in the joy of having escaped for a time from the 
 depressing shadow of her aunt and guardian. She seemed 
 to take a mischievous pleasure in coupling Blackstone's 
 name with that of Miss Woodward — to what purpose he 
 could not imagine. 
 
 " Oh, Sir Arthur," she said, when the tea-things were 
 cleared away, "I'm sure you sing. Do, please, sing us 
 something. Milly will accompany you." 
 
 Blackstone protested that he had never sung willingly in 
 his life, except in church now and then, whereupon Miss 
 Langley changed her tactics.
 
 ALL FOOLS 289 
 
 "Let's have a game of hide and seek!" she cried. 
 "Milly and Sir Arthur Blackstone can go and hide, Mr. 
 Woodward and I will look for them ! " 
 
 " Delighted, I'm sure," said Percy. " What do you say. 
 Sir Arthur?" 
 
 " I should be very pleased," said Blackstone awkwardly. 
 '' But I'm afraid Miss ^Voodward would find it rather 
 dull." 
 
 " How silly you are this afternoon. Rose," said Millicent, 
 with a frown of deep meaning at her tormentor. 
 
 "Oh, am I?" retorted Rose, with a toss of her head. 
 Turning, soft-eyed, to Percy, she asked, " Now, do you 
 think I'm really so very silly, Mr. Woodward ? " 
 
 " ' Lesbia hath a beaming eye,' as the poet facetiously 
 puts it," said Percy, rubbing his hands with a gratified 
 chuckle. " I'm afraid I'm not an impartial judge." 
 
 " Oh, aren't you.^" Rose exclaimed, in wide-eyed inno- 
 cence. " Well, let's think of some game that we can all 
 play together." 
 
 Percy suggested "kiss in the ring," with an amorous 
 glance at the fair visitor. But Miss Rose, for her part, 
 thought that a very silly game. However, she would subuiit 
 to the ordeal, she said, if Milly and Sir Arthur wished it 
 very much. ■ Black-tone blushed up to the roots of his hair, 
 and Millicent, her face the colour of a peony bud, mur- 
 mured, " Rose," in a shocked tone of voice, looking and 
 feeling very miserable. 
 
 " I think I must be going now," said Blackstone, anxious 
 to relieve Miss Woodward of her embarrassment. 
 
 " Oh, no, don't go, Sir Arthur. We can't do without 
 you — we can't really," Percy protested. " It takes four 
 to play almost any game you like to mention. Please stay 
 a bit longer." 
 
 Blackstone looked to Millicent for guidance in this 
 dilemma. Her mute appeal decided his fate.
 
 290 ALL FOOLS 
 
 " I must really go," he said. " I've got to see a man 
 about a dog at six o'.clock." 
 
 "Well, I vote that Milly shows Sir Arthur to the front 
 door," said Rose, her face aglow with mischief. " She 
 deserves some punishment for caUing me silly.' 
 
 Percy caught eagerly at the chance of a tete-a-tete. " Yes, 
 that's only fair. Mil ! You can't very well refuse, you know, 
 after the honour Sir Arthur has done us." 
 
 If ever one man yearned to strangle another, Blackstone 
 longed to strangle Percy at that minute. 
 
 " You can't refuse, Milly," Rose cried, clapping her 
 hands. 
 
 The Parthian shaft which j\lillicent shot over her shoulder 
 as she swept out of the room would have annihilated any 
 girl less full of life than was Miss Rose Langley. But the 
 young lady in question only nodded encouragement, and 
 laughed. 
 
 " Good-bye, Sir Arthur," said Percy. " I'm sorry you 
 can't stay a bit longer. But what must be, must, as the 
 saying goes." 
 
 "Good-bye," said Rose. "Take great care of Milly, 
 won't you, Sir Arthur?" 
 
 Feeling angry and ashamed, Blackstone followed Millicent 
 downstairs. " I'm awfully sorry," he blurted. " I'd much 
 rather let myself out than give you all this trouble." 
 
 " No, it's not that," she said, standing with her fingers on 
 the handle of the door. " But I'm so sorry that she should 
 have talked like that before you. She is really a very nice 
 girl, but she gets so excited sometimes that she doesn't 
 care what she says ! Please forget all that she said, won't 
 you ? " 
 
 She looked up into his face with more of anxiety than 
 the occasion seemed to warrant. 
 
 ••'Of course, I sha'n't think of it," said Blackstone, laughing. 
 " I saw at once tiiat she was trying to tease you, or me, or
 
 ALL FOOLS 291 
 
 both of us. But I say, Miss Woodward," he continued, 
 sinking his voice and speaking more earnestly, " I've been 
 wanting to ask you something for a long time." 
 
 Milly trembled, and her eyes wandered down the passage, 
 as if she would have liked to slip past him and make her 
 escape. Her colour came and went, leaving her pale as a 
 lily. 
 
 "Why do you.alwaj^s avoid me? Sometimes it seems 
 as if you were afraid of me ! Surely that cannot be 
 so ? But perhaps you don't like me coming so often to see 
 yo— your brother?" 
 
 Milly faltered. " It isn't that ! I — I like you to come ! 
 It cheers Percy up and does him good ! " 
 
 "Then what is it?" he pleaded. "What have I done? 
 If there's anything in me you object to, only tell me, and 
 I'll try to alter it ! I value your good opinion more tlian 
 anything in the world ! " 
 
 " It isn't that ! " she murmured. " How can you be so 
 cruel as to misinterpret me so ? " 
 
 " Well, then, I know what it is ! " said Blackstone, seizing 
 her hand. " You've found out my secret, and you think 
 I'm not playing a fair game with Bunny. You're wrong, 
 believe me ! I'm not so conceited as to think — at least, I 
 know that I stand no chance against Bunny ! And I 
 swear — " 
 
 She snatched her hand from him and, with a little, 
 sobbing cry, slipped past him, and fled upstairs, leaving him 
 to open the door for himself. 
 
 "Well, here's a rum go!" muttered Blackstone, seeking 
 refuge in the language of his schoolboy days. " I've been 
 and put my foot in it, somehow ! " And he stroked his 
 moustache assiduously all the way back to Sammy's. 
 
 Some minutes elapsed before Millicent rejoined Rose 
 and her brother in the drawing-room. Even then she 
 seemed to have re-appeared too soon, to judge by the
 
 292 ALL FOOLS 
 
 confusion of the pair, who started asunder, as though a 
 bullet had suddenly passed between them. 
 
 " Well, Milly, how many kisses did he give you ? " asked 
 Rose, determined to brazen it out. " I've had six since you 
 left us ! " 
 
 "Seven !" Percy corrected her, with a blush. 
 
 " Yes, seven it was ! Thank you, Mr. Woodward ! " 
 Rose bowed her acknowledgments. " Milly looks as 
 though she'd had a hundred at least ! " 
 
 "Rose! How ca?i you talk like that?" Milly exclaimed 
 indignantly. 
 
 She inclined her head meaningly in Percy's direction, 
 seeming to imply that there was some understanding 
 between them, to which Percy was a stranger. 
 
 " Well, dear, you needn't get so cross about it ! " said 
 Rose soothingly. " It's only my fun, you know ! " 
 
 "She's chokeful of fun. Miss Rose is!" said Percy. 
 "'Oh, woman, in our hours of ease, uncertain, coy and 
 hard to please,' as the poet jocosely puts it ! Excuse me 
 one minute, ladies ! I'll go and see if mother wants any- 
 thing." 
 
 No sooner had the door closed behind him than tears 
 came into Millicent's eyes, and she said reproachfully, 
 " How cruel of you. Rose, to tormre me like that ! " 
 
 "I've no patience with you!" Rose tossed her head. 
 "You're in love with him, and yet you're angry with me for 
 giving him a chance of finding it out ! " 
 
 " You forget that I'm engaged to Douglas!" said Millicent 
 coldly. 
 
 " Oh, bother Douglas ! He's only a silly boy, and it 
 won't break his heart, if you do throw him over ! It makes 
 me quite cross to see two people in love with each other, 
 and neither daring to say anything about it ! " 
 
 Rose would have argued the point further, but just then 
 Percy returned, and confidences became out of the question.
 
 ALL FOOLS 293 
 
 As for Blackstone, the more he pondered over his interview 
 with Miss Woodward at tlie door the more convinced he 
 became that he had, to use his own metaphor, "put his 
 foot in it." I>ut he could not for the hfe of him think when 
 or how. After much thought he came to the conclusion 
 that she really disapproved of his going so often to the 
 house, and had only denied the charge from a mistaken 
 sense of politeness. He determined to wait some weeks 
 before calling there again. And, in tlie meantime, Bunny 
 returned to London. Mr. Douglas Lee-Stretton was in 
 high spirits. The burden of his lies was considerably 
 lightened by the transit from country to town. His first 
 question, after shaking hands with Blackstone, was : 
 
 " Have you seen Milly lately ? " 
 
 " I saw her about a week ago," was the answer. " She 
 had been ill, but was getting well again. Pining for you, I 
 expect ! " 
 
 " Girls take things to heart so," Bunny murmured com- 
 placently. " I haven't been able to write as often as I 
 could have wished — because of my people, you know ! I'll 
 go and fetch her home from business to-morrow and cheer 
 her up a bit ! " 
 
 Accordingly, when to-morrow evening became this even- 
 ing, there was Bunny, waiting outside the office door. And, 
 if Millicent's greeting was less effusive than the young 
 ladies peeping out at every spy-hole had a right to expect, 
 he was entirely satisfied, and that was the chief thing after 
 all. Rose Langley happening to come out while they were 
 still exchanging greetings. Bunny could hardly do less than 
 invite her to join them at tea at the pastry-cook's shop 
 across the street. And, as she accepted promptly, and 
 travelled with them afterwards as far as High Street, 
 Kensington, there was but little of the privacy which 
 Bunny loved that evening. However, he managed to get 
 in a kiss or two when he said good-bye at the gate in St.
 
 294 ALL FOOLS 
 
 Christopher Avenue ; and he went home very well pleased 
 with the day's work. 
 
 When Saturday came, he took her out to lunch, as usual, 
 and to the theatre. After the play, they had tea together at 
 a shop in the Strand, and then drove home in a hansom. 
 She had grown strangely silent, he thought, as he sat beside 
 her, fondling her hand. Now that he came to think of it, 
 she had been rather quiet and undemonstrative all the 
 afternoon. Feeling vaguely that he had somehow failed in 
 his duty, he did his best to make amends by raising the 
 little gloved hand to his lips and murmuring, " Darling ! " 
 " Angel ! " " Sweetest ! " in impassioned tones. But she 
 neither moved, nor gave any answer, and there was no re- 
 sponding pressure of his hand. He said anxiously : 
 
 " Darling, are you ill ? " 
 
 Her answer was a sob. She was crying. He could see 
 the tears shine in her eyes as they drove past a lamp. 
 What was he to do ? 
 
 "I say, you know!" he blurted. "There's nothing to cry 
 about! I love you awfully, you know. Don't cry, dearest!" 
 
 " It's very silly of me, I know," said Millicent, battling 
 with her sobs. " But please don't talk to me, there's a good 
 boy ! " 
 
 So they drove in silence the rest of the way. Bunny try- 
 ing to guess the cause of her grief, and going hopelessly 
 astray in his conjectures. Having dismissed the hansom in 
 the neighbourhood of St. Christopher Avenue, he led her to 
 the iron gate of No. 15. There she said good-night, and, 
 hurriedly submitting to a kiss, ran indoors, leaving him 
 alone with his wonder and consternation. 
 
 " Why, what's the row, young 'un ? " Blackstone asked, as, 
 half an hour later, Bunny burst into the class-room with 
 pale face and excited eyes. Sinking into a chair, Bunny 
 gasped out his tale in short, detached sentences, hard to 
 piece together.
 
 ALL FOOLS 295 
 
 " It's beastly awkward, y(ju see ! " he said in conclusion. 
 " I don't quite know what to do about it ! " 
 
 Blackstone stared blankly at his boots. 
 
 " I'm afraid I can't help you," he said. 
 
 Bunny sat looking into the fire for some minutes. 
 Then he raised his eyes and, slapping his knee, 
 exclaimed : 
 
 "I have it!" 
 
 " Fire away, then ! " 
 
 " Well, you see, it's like this : We've been engaged a 
 long time, and she has naturally grown a bit fond of me. 
 I'm almost twenty-one, and I haven't begun to make any 
 arrangements for the wedding. Perhaps she thinks I mean 
 to put it off ! " 
 
 Blackstone eyed his friend curiously. 
 
 " You think she's keen on getting married ? It never 
 struck me in that light before ! " 
 
 " But I say, you know ! That's the only way to explain 
 it ! " cried Bunny excitedly. " Poor little girl ! If I'd had 
 any idea, I'd 've fixed the date and all, long ago ! " 
 
 Blackstone said : 
 
 " It is usual, I believe, to ask the lady to name the d.iy — 
 at least, I've read so in books." 
 
 Bunny slapped his knee again. 
 
 " Well, I'll ask her to fix a date the very next time I see 
 her. She must be awfully in love with me — don't you 
 think so, Blackstone ? — to cry like that about it ! I call it 
 deuced flattering to a fellow ! She must be pretty well 
 head over ears, mustn't she, old chap ? " 
 
 "Yes, if it is as you suppose," said Blackstone drily. 
 *' You'll be married by license — eh ? " 
 
 Bunny became thoughtful. 
 
 "I don't know! A license comes rather expensive, 
 doesn't it ? I shall have to do it on the cheap, I'm afraid ; 
 because, you see, I can't get ^t my money the moment I'ln
 
 296 ALL FOOLS 
 
 twenty-one. There'll be papers to sign, and all that sort of 
 humbug." 
 
 " Registry office or church ? " Blackstone asked. 
 
 " Oh, church ! It must be church ! " exclaimed Bunny 
 eagerly, "If anything could make my people angrier about 
 it than they will be, it 'd be a marriage by the registrar. 
 You don't know my mater, old chap ! I don't believe she'd 
 consider it a marriage at all ! " 
 
 " I fancy Miss Woodwdrd would agree with her there," 
 said Blackstone. 
 
 " Well, then, that's settled. We'll be married by banns 
 and in church. And I'll get her to name the day the very 
 next time I meet her. That'll dry her tears, I bet ! " 
 
 He went up to his bedroom to think it over, leaving 
 Blackstone a prey to certain bitter reflections, which tor- 
 mented him during the rest of the evening, and effectually 
 robbed him of all sleep for that night. 
 
 But when, two days later, Mr. Lee-Stretton broached the 
 subject of the banns to Millicent, she looked frightened and 
 stopped up her ears, positively refusing to listen to any such 
 horrible suggestions. Her lover, setting down these 
 symptoms to the inborn modesty of her sex, was not in the 
 least daunted. Calling his whole store of endearing 
 epithets to his aid, he pleaded with her ; and at length, 
 finding all his efforts of no avail, took her home in a 
 hansom, and saw her safe indoors. Then, after a decent 
 interval, he invoked the maid-of-all-work by a loud, quad- 
 ruple knock, and asked to see Mr. Woodward alone for a 
 minute, 
 
 Percy gasped when the state of the case was explained to 
 him. 
 
 " Won't name the day, won't she ? Well, I'll see to that 
 if you'll allow me. I'll find out from mother, and I'll let 
 you know. You mustn't mind her, Mr. Lee-Stretton. 
 She's a good girl, is Mil ; but she's wayward — untamed
 
 ALL FOOLS 297 
 
 you may say. But you'll soon alter that, I expect, seeing 
 how fond she is of you. I'll arrange about the banns at 
 our church, if you'll do the same at yours. About the 
 third or fourth week in April, I think you said ? I'll make 
 a note of it. You needn't trouble yourself. I'll see that 
 it's all right. Let me see ! Your address is the same as 
 Sir Arthur Blackstone's, isn't it ? That's all right. Don't 
 you worry about Mil's behaviour ! It's coyness, that's all. 
 It is rather trying for a girl when you come to think of it ! 
 Good-night." So saying, he ushered Bunny to the front 
 door. "Funny that you and I'll be brothers-in-law in three 
 months' lime, isn't it ? " he Faid, rubbing his hands enthusi- 
 astically, as Mr. Lee-Streiton passed out. 
 
 "Yes, 'isn't it," echoed Bunny, without the enthusiasm. 
 
 In the course of the following week he received a letter 
 from Mr. Woodward, couched in the most complimentary 
 terms, informing him that the 25th of April would suit 
 Millicent very well, if that date were agreeable to Mr. Lee- 
 Stretton ; further containing certain stipulations concerning 
 Mr. Lee-Stretton's intercourse with Millicent in the mean- 
 time, which Percy felt it his duty as a brother to make. 
 Bunny replied that all the arrangements would suit him 
 perfectly. Then and not till then he began to repent, to 
 think that he had been, perhaps, a little foolhardy in 
 thus hurrying on the wedding ; and grim phantoms of irate 
 parents and a still more irate sister began to hover round 
 his bed at nights. 
 
 Sir Arthur Blackstone, feeling wretched, and seeing no 
 way out of his wretchedness, took to going often to Wal- 
 ham Green to confide his sorrows in Mr. Jones, who alone, 
 of all the world, could fully sympathise with him. And 
 these two raised the wail of grief and rage alternately — 
 strophe and antistrophe — like the chorus of a Greek tragedy, 
 or the mourners at an Eastern funeral. 
 
 Never was day more dreaded and anathematised, since
 
 298 ■ ALL FOOLS 
 
 the world began, than that twenty-fifth day of April. 
 Millicent, weeping at her bedside in St. Christopher Avenue; 
 Bunny, phantom-haunted in his chamber at South Kensing- 
 ton ; Blackstone and Harry Jones, invoking all the furies 
 at Walham Green ; Rose Langley, crying her eyes out for 
 her friend's sake at Campden Hill, and causing her aunt to 
 suspect ihe Prince of Darkness by refusing to tell her what 
 the matter was. What a wedding jt would be !
 
 CHAPTER XXVI. 
 
 IN WHICH MR. JONES CONFERS GREAT BENEFITS UPON 
 WALHAM GREEN, AND HIMSELF DERIVES BENEFIT 
 FROM THE BRAZEN EXAMPLE OF AN INDIAN GENTLE- 
 MAN. 
 
 The men of Walham Green had enjoyed peace and 
 tranquillity for years; but, like their brethren of less favoured 
 regions, they were apt to be discontented. There was a 
 hitch somewhere in the world's machinery, which prevented 
 them from enjoying perfect happiness. The wealthy draper 
 at the corner by the railway station, and the prosperous 
 green-grocer, his near neighbour, bemoaned the press of 
 business with wringing of hands, complaining that they had 
 no leisure for recreation. The working-tailor in the shabby 
 street round the corner bewailed the lack of customers and 
 a tendency in his wife to increase the family by two at a 
 time. Well-to-do costermongers lamented that they were 
 so busy as to have no time for meditation ; and ragged loafers, 
 redolent of beer, seemed to find more pleasure in telling 
 one another that jobs were scarce, than in looking out for 
 the chance of one of the said scarce jobs. The needy de- 
 clared that the world wanted setting to rights ; and the 
 prosperous complained that the world had been too much 
 set to rights already, that there was no variety in life. The 
 latter joined the local volunteers in the forlorn hope of an in- 
 vasion ; the former enrolled themselves in Trades' Unions and 
 Liberal Associations, and talked sedition in the bars of 
 public-houses. 
 
 299
 
 300 ALL FOOLS 
 
 No one suspected the existence of a cheap remedy ready 
 to hand, until one fine morning in March, when the Wind 
 walls and hoardings of the neighbourhood were placarded 
 with invitations to " Try Jones's Smoking Mixture and be 
 happy ! " and to " Smoke Twinkler's Alright Blend, which 
 is Heaven on Earth ! " At sight of which the world of 
 Walham Green was moved from basement to ceiling, and a 
 motley throng hastened to Harry Jones's shop to buy an 
 ounce of bliss, whatever the cost. 
 
 Mr. Jones, behind the counter, rubbed his hands and 
 chuckled with satisfaction, as customer after customer left 
 the shop with Nirvana in his smile and a pouchful of the 
 mixture in his pocket. The wealthy draper — two doors 
 down, on the same side — sent round one of his young men 
 to order half a pound of it, and the crossing-sweeper from 
 the corner stepped in, demanding a pennyworth. Harry 
 Jones served them all, beaming with philanthropy, and the 
 coins clinked musically as he swept them into the till. 
 
 It had come to him, as an inspiration, this notion of a 
 mixture and a blend. One Simday afternoon he had gone 
 out for a walk, leaving Maria to keep shop in his absence. 
 She understood the business almost as well as he did by 
 this time, and her swelling figure, restrained within the 
 becoming limits of her Sunday gown, was quite an attraction 
 to customers. He was walking along the Fulham Road, 
 when, happening to pass a tobacconist's window, he saw a 
 placard adjuring passers-by to try "Our Special Smoking 
 Mixture." The idea took possession of his brain. Why 
 should not Twinkler and Jones have their mixture, as well 
 as another firm? Indeed, as there were two partners, why 
 should not Jones have his mixture, and Twinkler his blend? 
 Turning the matter over in his mind, he went to call upon 
 his cousin. 
 
 Mr. Twinkler was end .anted with the notion and, being 
 an enterprising young man, suggested advertisement upon
 
 ALL FOOLS 301 
 
 a large scale. But how about the mixtures themselves ? he 
 asked. It would be very hard to hit upon two combinations 
 of tobacco at once new and to everybody's taste. Mr. 
 Jones gave it as his opinion that no regular mixture was 
 advisable, that the tobacconist should endeavour to learn 
 the taste of each individual customer, so that all should be 
 satisfied. "At least," he said, "'avin' t'.\o mixtures, we can 
 change about ; so that if a man don't like Jones's, we can 
 mix Twinkler's to 'is likin' ! " 
 
 His cousin slapped him on the back, admiring his head 
 for business, which, he was sure, had been quite thrown 
 away in the bedstead line. And they sat up till late that 
 night, concocting the advertisements. 
 
 So Twinkler and Jones became two signposts, indicating 
 two parallel roads to Happiness ; and the denizens of 
 Walham Green and Fulham jostled each other as they paid 
 toll at either gate. So great was the press of business, that 
 Mr. Jones had serious thoughts of advertising for an assistant 
 in the shop. But, reflecting that honest lads are hard to 
 come by nowadays, he thought it better to continue as 
 before, only calling in Maria to his aid at meal-times and on 
 Sunday afternoons. 
 
 One evening, just as he was thinking of putting up the 
 shutters for the night, a gentleman in top hat and frock-coat 
 entered the shop, wearing a carnation at his button-hole. 
 Harry Jones stepped back, putting up a hand to shade his 
 eyes. "Why, it's Perce, I declare!" he thought. "Got 
 up regardless, too ! " 
 
 The gentleman stretched out his hand across the 
 counter. 
 
 " Harry, dear boy, give us your flipper ! " he said. 
 " Let bygones be bygones between us ! 1 forgive the 
 past ! " 
 
 Harry shook the proffered limb cordially. 
 
 "Why, Perce, old man, this is a pleasure! Wait a jiffy
 
 302 ALL FOOLS 
 
 while 1 put up the shutters, and we'll smoke a pipe together 
 in the parlour." 
 
 " Afraid I can't stay, dear boy — not to-night anyway. I 
 just came round here on my way to a debate. We meet 
 at Bert's place to-night, and as it was not much out of my 
 way, and seeing that I'd promised Sir Arthur to come and 
 look you up, I thought I'd drop in, just to shake hands. 
 By the way, I want half a pound of baccy. What's this 
 mixture of yours I see advertised ? " 
 
 " I 'ardly think the Mixture 'd suit you, Perce. The 
 Blend 'd be more in your line, I fancy. You like rather a 
 'eavy smoke, if I remember rightly ? " 
 
 ** I generally smoke Gold Flake, with a dash of Hand- 
 cut to give it a sting," said Percy. 
 
 " Ah, then, Jones's Mixture is your ticket, old man ! 
 Wait a bit, and I'll let you 'ave some of a new lot ! " 
 
 Seizing a couple of tins from a shelf in the shop, Mr. 
 Jones dashed into the back-parlour to concoct a mixture of 
 Gold Flake and Cavendish, such as Percy loved. 
 
 " I 'ope you'll find it to your likin'," he said, assuming 
 his philanthropic smile, as he returned with the compound, 
 " Don't forget to recommend us to your friends ! 'Alf a 
 pound, I think you said ? " 
 
 " How much ? " asked Percy, fumbling in his pocket. 
 
 " Don't talk of payment, old man ! " exclaimed the 
 tobacconist, weighing out half a pound of happiness. 
 " Accept it as a peace offerin' ! " 
 
 Percy was quite overcome by this unlooked-for piece of 
 generosity. He could only squeeze Harry's hand across 
 the counter and murmur, " Thank you, dear boy!" with 
 glistening eyes. 
 
 " Don't forget to recommend it to your friends ! " Mr, 
 Jones reiterated, as he bowed his customer to the door. 
 " We cater for all tastes. Such as don't fancy the Mixture 
 find satisfaction in the Blend, and t'other way about ! "
 
 ALL FOOLS 303 
 
 '• I'll mention it in my speech this very evening," said 
 Percy, deeply moved. "And I venture to say, dear boy, 
 that we shall drink success to Jones's Mixture with all the 
 honours." 
 
 Percy evidently liked the tobacco, his friends likewise, 
 for he returned in little more than a week to replenish his 
 stock. This time Mr. Jones allowed him to pay for it at 
 the rate of fourpence an ounce, although ordinary customers 
 were charged fivepence-halfpenny and even sixperxe for a 
 similar article. Other members of parliament followed the 
 example of their premier. Elf and Bert came round one 
 Saturday afternoon, and, taking their seats upon the 
 counter, talked equine and canine matters to Mr. Jones for 
 the space of half an hour, finally purchasing a quarter of a 
 pound of Bliss, in the shape of the Blend, between them. 
 The little man also, who had a cousin in America, and who 
 may be considered the innocent cause of some part of 
 Harry's misfortunes, sacrificed half a crown upon the altar 
 of goodwill, and laid in a large stock of the Mixture. 
 Amid all this whirl of excitement and bustle of trade the 
 tobacconist had small leisure to think of the Germans, or 
 speculate as to their whereabouts. He had made a fresh 
 start in life, and the past was clean wiped out. 
 
 Therefore, when Brown Geegee, who generally dropped 
 in about six o'clock for a few minutes' chat, asked whether 
 he had seen any more of the satan-devil badmen, he replied 
 in the negative. 
 
 " They won't come round 'ere again," he said confidently. 
 "Why, it's more than two months, Mr. Geegee, since you 
 and I saw them standin' in that doorway. I declare I'd all 
 but forgotten that there ever were any such people." 
 
 This confidence of his was contagious. Brown Geegee 
 expressed his satisfaction in a cliuckle and a grimace. 
 Having suffered his pouch to be filled with the mixture, he 
 took his leave. But Harry, once reminded of the Germans,
 
 304 ALL FOOLS 
 
 could not keep them out of his brain. Customers came 
 and customers went ; darkness cast her mantle over Wal- 
 ham Green, and lamps were lighted in the street without ; 
 but still he thought of his old tyrants, reviewing every in- 
 cident of his life with them. And something of the old, 
 abject fear revived within him. 
 
 They knew where he lived, that was certain. And they 
 might call at any time to crave — or rather to demand — the 
 loan of a few pounds. He wished uneasily that he had 
 not been quite so confident in his reply to Brown Geegee. 
 Such confidence was like a challenge to fortune, and the 
 fickle jade was ever ready to change sides upon the lightest 
 provocation. 
 
 Having put up the shutters for the night, and locked the 
 outer door of the shop, he picked out a cigar from among 
 the best of his stock-in-trade, and betook himself to the 
 back room to reckon up the day's profits. There he was 
 joined by Maria, as soon as she had finished washing up, 
 and had had time to change her kitchen dress, with its 
 tendency to fly open, for a gown having its full com- 
 plement of hooks and eyes. 
 
 " Lor', Mr. Jones," she said, entering the sanctum with a 
 mincing gait, " 'ow tired you do look, to be sure. Let 
 me add up them figures for you, while you sets by the fire 
 and smokes your cigar comfortable. Why, poor dear, you 
 look that weary, as if you could 'ardly keep your eyes open." 
 
 Harry Jones passed the account-book to her across the 
 table. 
 
 " That column is the profits. You needn't bother your- 
 self about the others." 
 
 So saying, he drew his chair up to the blaze, while Maria, 
 with knitted brow and tongue in cheek, began a manful 
 struggle with the difficulties of compound addition. 
 
 They were sitting thus, Harry gazing pensively into the 
 fire, Maria muttering, " Carry four — and six is ten," ami 
 the like, when a knocking at the street door disturbed them.
 
 ALL FOOLS 305 
 
 The tobacconist started to his feet. • He looked 
 frightened. 
 
 " Maria," he hissed between his clenched teeth, " I don't 
 know why, but I know it's those German beasts." 
 
 "Lor', Mr. Jones, and what makes you think that?" 
 murmured Maria, horror-stricken. Like most of her class, 
 she had a firm belief in presentiments. It was as if he had 
 said : " They are here. I have seen them." 
 
 The knocking was repeated, louder this time than before. 
 
 Harry's knees trembled audibly. Maria's jaw fell, drag- 
 ging her mouth open. They stared fearfully at each other. 
 
 The knockmg was renewed a third time. 
 
 " I must open to 'em, I suppose," faltered Harry ; 
 *' because — because, you see, it might be someone else 
 important." 
 
 In his heart he knew it could be no one else at that hour 
 of the night, and wb.en they had been in his thoughts all 
 the evening. Yet, for very shame of his superstition, he li.Td 
 to open the door and make sure. 
 
 " Take somethink with you," cried Maria, looking round 
 hurriedly for some handy weapon of defence. 
 
 She snatched up the poker out of the fender, and thrust 
 it into his shaking hand. The knocking was repeated a 
 fourth time. 
 
 Harry Jones, poker in hand, tottered out of the room 
 and down the passage. Maria caught up the lamp and 
 followed him. 
 
 " I'll throw this at their 'eads, if they get past you, Mr. 
 Jones ! " she cried hysterically. " I don't care ; not if it 
 sets the 'ouse o' fire, so long as it stops 'em." 
 
 Harry Jones undid the chain, and slipped back the bolts, 
 one by one, Maria standing a few paces behind him, ready 
 to hurl the lamp at a second's notice. He opened the door 
 a very little way, and lifted the poker, expecting a hand or 
 a foot to be thrust in wedgewise, in which case he would 
 
 u
 
 306 ALL FOOLS 
 
 have done his best to disable it. But all that strove to 
 enter was a voice. 
 
 " Open, my very good friend. It is I — myself. You 
 have kept me waiting already too long in the black-cold air. 
 Moreover, it is ice-chilly out here. My teeth converse 
 together in my mouth. There is a pain in my stomach. I 
 departed from Sammy's in such a steam-engine hurry that I 
 forgot to put on my nice fawn overcoat. Blackstone be- 
 sought me to come. I bring news — great news — grand 
 nev/s. Hurrah ! God bless you ! News that will make you 
 dance and sing for jubilation. It is all in the evening 
 paper. It is here." 
 
 Long before the end of this speech, the door was flung 
 wide open, and Brown Geegee admitted into the passage. 
 
 " What ! Mr. Geegee ? " cried Harry Jones, lowering the 
 poker in a sort of impromptu salute. " If I'd so much as 
 guessed it was you, I'd 've opened at the first — 'pon my 
 word I would, and no bones about it." 
 
 Maria's sigh of relief caused quite a draught in the 
 passage. 
 
 " We made sure it was them Counts, sir," she said. 
 
 " Ha," said Brown Geegee, glancing in astonishment 
 from one to the other. " It is not nice to receive a friendly 
 fellow, who brings good news, with a soot-nasty poker 
 to hit him with it. You thought I was those filthy devil- 
 chaps ? Very good ! never mind. I accept your apologies. 
 By and by, I will clasp your hand in friendship, but not 
 now. Do you know, Jones, it is curious that you should 
 've thought of those satan-count beasts this evening ? Such 
 news. Ha, ha ! " The coloured gentleman threw his head 
 back and laughed, rolling his eyes in a very ghastly manner. 
 " I will accept a glass of beer, if you please, and I will 
 smoke with you. Then, when we are all cushion-comfort- 
 able, I will divulge the newspaper, which I have here in the 
 pocket of my coat."
 
 ALL FOOLS 307 
 
 With effusion of honour, due in great measure to the 
 relief of his hearers, Brown Geegee was ushered into the 
 little parlour behind the shop. Mr. Jones replaced the 
 poker in the fender. Maria set down her lamp upon the 
 table, and gathered up the account-book and pencil, think- 
 ing to finish her verifications in the kitchen. 
 
 "Shall I bring up a jug o' beer and glasses, sir?" she 
 inquired, looking to Mr. Jones. 
 
 "Yes, do,'' was the reply, 'that is — unless Mr. 
 Geegee 'd prefer a glass o' somethin' 'ot after waitin' 
 in the cold." 
 
 The coloured gentleman laid a hand on his waistcoat and 
 bowed to the maid. Though she no longer viewed him in 
 the light of a nigger minstrel, his colour and the whiteness 
 of his linen always appealed to her as ludicrous, even with- 
 out those gestures and grimaces, which she styled his 
 "antics." It was all she could do 10 refrain from laughing. 
 
 "Miss Maria," he said, leering frightfully, "you are a 
 sweet angel-girl, and I love you. I am, moreover, satan- 
 shivery at present. Bring me a glass of whisky, with sugar 
 in it, and hot — -hot like hell — you understand?" 
 
 " Yes, sir," said Maria, grinning widely as she left the 
 room. 
 
 No sooner was she gone than Mr. Jones leaned towards 
 Brown Geegee and began tentatively : 
 
 " You were sayin', Mr. Geegee, that Sir Arthur 'd asked 
 you to give me some news. Very kind of 'im, I'm sure. 
 Good news, I think you said, and about the Germans ? 
 They 'aven't been copped, 'ave tht-y ? Tliat 'd be good 
 news, and no mistake! In the paper you said, I think? 
 I should like to see it. Come, Mr. Geegee, I'm sorry about 
 the poker, if it gave offence ; but I take my oath I thought 
 It was that German riff-raff when I 'card you knock. I beg 
 your pardon, I'm sure, but there was no offence meant. 
 Come, Mr. Geegee, let me see the news Sir Arthur wished
 
 308 ALL FOOLS 
 
 me to know. Are ihey copped, sir? Yes or no —that's all 
 I ask." 
 
 But Brown Geegee was inexorable. He acknowledged 
 Harry's entreaties, as a tribute to his importance, by a 
 knowing wink. Then he slapped that yjocket of his jacket 
 which contained the newspaper, and buttoned the jacket 
 up to his throat. To make security yet more sure, he 
 folded his arms across his chest. Then he grinned, then 
 chuckled, and finally, with an infinitely sly movement of his 
 head, murauired : 
 
 " Not yet, Jones. You must be patient, my very good 
 friend. Wait until my dear-sweet Maria returns with my 
 whisky-drink. Then you shall know." 
 
 He was resolute not to divulge his secret to an inglorious 
 audience of one, when there were two people within reach 
 to be impressed by it. Meanwhile he revelled in the sense 
 of power it gave him, and inhaled the beseeching words of 
 Mr. Jones and his deprecatory air, as tlie brazen divinities 
 of his country inhale the perfumed smoke of sacrifice — in 
 immovable silence, that is to say, and with a fixed grin on 
 his face. 
 
 " Well, Mr. Geegee, I must say you're a character, and no 
 mistake," said Harry Jones, grinning too, when, the first 
 eagerness of curiosity past, he came to regard the coloured 
 gentleman with a dispassionate eye. " Now, 'ere's Maria 
 and the drinks, so I suppose we may 'ope to 'ear about it 
 soon." 
 
 The maid set down the tray upon the round table in the 
 middle of the room. Thougli very inquisitive, she was 
 preparing to withdraw, when Mr. Jones called out : 
 
 " Stay, Maria. Mr. Geegee says 'e won't tell a word of it 
 without you're there." 
 
 " Lor', sir ! " said Maria. " Me ! " 
 
 She looked roguishly at the coloured gentleman, with 
 more of freedom in her glance than she would have dared
 
 ALL FOOLS 309 
 
 to use to Mr. Jones. She stood in some awe of the latter, 
 whereas, for all the deference with which she saw him 
 treated, she could not hel]) feeling for the former some of 
 the comradeship which your servant feels for the pet 
 monkey of your establishment, or the comic fellow who 
 comes to enliven your wife's " at homes," and takes his 
 supper alone in the dining-room. 
 
 Brown Geegee accepted the glance, but mistook its 
 import. It seemed to him of admiration, and he welcomed 
 it accordingly. There was no doubt in his dusky brain 
 that he had made a conquest, that those apple cheeks and 
 that exuberant figure were his whenever he should choose 
 to claim them. His leer was awful to witness. He nodded 
 and beckoned her to come closer. Her blue eyes laughed 
 frankly into his brown ones — mere oblique slits just then, 
 twinkUng with cunning. She set a chair for herself between 
 him and Mr. Jones. 
 
 " Now, Mr. Geegee, we're all snug and comfortable, sir. 
 Let's 'ave the news," said Harry, a trifle impatiently. 
 
 He was annoyed with Maria for encouraging the coloured 
 gentleman in those dilatory grimaces, when she ought to 
 have been dying for the news, as he was. 
 
 " Oh," said Brown Geegee, as if he had but just remem- 
 bered it, " it is that the police have taken possession of 
 those black-satan Germans we all hate. Blackstone said 
 you would stand upon your head to hear it. And my dear- 
 sweet-beautiful Maria — she is glad to hear it, too, I hope ? " 
 He turned the galaxy of his teeth upon her, and his almond 
 eyes languished out of sleek creases. " Here, Jones, is the 
 newspaper of this evening. It is there. Blackstone has 
 indicated the paragraph with a blot of ink." 
 
 And, while Mr. Jones folded the pinkish sheet, and dis- 
 posed himself comfortably to read, the coloured gentleman 
 sidled his chair closer to Maria, stealthily, grinning fiendishly 
 all the while, and showing his white teeth.
 
 3IO ALL FOOLS 
 
 " A Career of Crime. — Two Germans, who gave the 
 names of Karl and Fritz Weissmann respectively, and Eliza 
 Hawkins, an Englishwoman, were charged at Hammersmith 
 police-courl this morning with the robbery of James Walters 
 on the fifteenth instant. The police have had their eye on 
 the gang in question for some time past, and Walters was 
 placed in their way as a decoy. Many similar robberies 
 have taken place of late in the neighbourhood, drunken men 
 and strangers being the chosen victims. It was their 
 practice, as clearly shown in the case of Walters, to strip 
 those who had the misfortune to fall into their hands, not 
 only of all jewellery and valuables, but of the very clothes 
 they wore, dressing them in rags afterwards, and leading 
 them out blindfold to a safe distance from their lair. . . . 
 All three pleaded guilty, and were committed for trial. . . . 
 This gang of scoundrels has been at work in London for 
 more than a year. . . . The police suspect ramifications 
 with other gangs of foreigners in the same line of business." 
 
 Harry Jones skimmed the latter half of the paragraph. 
 It was immaterial to know what the police were doing or 
 not doing, what the magistrate thought or the public were 
 led to suppose, compared with the main, joyful fact that 
 his dreaded tormentors were in prison, out of the way. 
 They might try to implicate him when it came to the trial. 
 What matter? He had Sir Arthur Blackstone at his back 
 — and Mr. Geegee too, who was not likely to spare the 
 " black-satan Germans," as he called them, if placed in the 
 witness-box against them. He and his swell friends could 
 tell a better story against Weissman and company than they 
 could tell against him. Besides, it was not likely they 
 would mention his name at all. Where was the use, when 
 they would be condemned any way, and he was in a 
 position to bring more crushing evidence against them ? 
 
 He read the blessed words again — a third time, and then
 
 ALL FOOLS 311 
 
 a fourth. He wanted to get them fixed in his brain. 
 Strange, he thought, that he should have had the thought 
 of those scoundrels running in his head all the evening. 
 It only showed what fools some folks were to laugh at 
 presentiments, and all that. He folded the paper. 
 
 " Mr. Geegee, 'ow can I thank you for comin' so prompt 
 to tell me ? And I 'ope you'll express to Sir Arthur--" 
 
 He stopped short — gaping. Indeed, what he beheld 
 was calculated to excite surprise in any man who had been 
 absorbed in a newspaper and his own reflections, and so 
 had not marked the stages which led up to it. There was 
 the coloured gentleman, his chair drawn close to xMaria's 
 one dusky hand peeping from behind her ample waist, the 
 other grasping a tumbler half-empty of grog, leering uu 
 into the rosy face of the maid, which, to judge from his 
 glee and the ruminating motion of his lips, he must have 
 kissed quite lately. 
 
 " Come, come, Mr. Geegee ; I can't 'ave this," said Harry 
 Jones severely, shooting an angry glance at Maria. " You 
 — a gentleman^ and a prince, so they tell me, in your own 
 country. Fie, sir ! Maria, I'm ashamed of you." 
 
 Geegee skipped suddenly with his chair to a considerable 
 distance Irom the lady, and his grin was of disconcer- 
 tion. 
 
 Maria laughed a little defiantly, but her face and neck 
 were fiery red. 
 
 " I perceive that you wish to be alone," said Brown 
 Geegee, rising abruptly and holding out his hand to the 
 tobacconist, who was looking daggers at Maria. " I have 
 trespassed too long. Not a word, I beseech you. You 
 are my friend, and I understand. It is, moreover, natural 
 that you and my sweet-honey Maria should desire to 
 converse together. Adieu — nice dreams. I will inform 
 Blackstone of your rejoicing. Farewell." 
 
 And, kissing his slender fingers with a parting leer to
 
 312 • ALL FOOLS 
 
 Maria, the coloured gentleman shuffled out of the room 
 and into the dark passage. 
 
 " Wait for me here, Maria," whispered Harry Jones, with 
 stern meaning. And he went to open the door for the 
 departing guest. 
 
 Now, whether it was that Maria's eyes were exceptionally 
 blue that night, or her cheeks exceptionally rosy, or whether 
 it was that the gown she wore lent exceptional charms to 
 her figure, who shall venture to say ? But certain it is that 
 a burning jealousy bade fair to consume Mr. Jones from 
 the moment he beheld Mr. Geegee's arm about her waist, 
 and divined that Mr, Geegee's lips had been pressed to 
 that comely cheek of hers. He had a liking for the girl, 
 and had found pleasure in her company of late. But he 
 had always regarded her as a servant, vastly his inferior, 
 and had been a Httle pleased with his condescension in 
 having her to sit with him in the evenings and help him 
 with the accounts. Now that he was obliged to confess 
 himself disappointed, he looked back upon his former 
 opinion of her with new vision. She had charms ; her 
 eyes were blue — corn-flower blue almost. Though of a 
 somewhat gross habit of body, he found her form agreeable. 
 It suggested homely comfort, ease, and well-cooked plenty, 
 with a comfortable pipe beside the kitchen fire — suggestions 
 by no means distasteful to Mr. Jones's mind. Jealousy 
 struck the scales from his eyes, so that, for the first time, 
 he saw her with the eyes of love. 
 
 " Maria," he said grimly, confronting her on his return 
 from the street-door, "Maria, I'm ashamed of you." 
 
 " What for, I should like to know ? " she asked, smiling 
 at him provokingly. 
 
 "What for — -you 'avc the face to ask me tliat?" said 
 Harry Jones, in a choking voice. " Maria, I should never 
 've thought it of you. And Mr. Geegee too — a perfect 
 stranger, as you may say, and a coloured chap into the
 
 ALL FOOLS 313 
 
 bargain. If anyone 'd told me"as much, I'd 've struck 'im 
 in the mouth for a liar. I'd 've said, ' She isn't the girl to 
 let liberties be taken witli 'er.' I'd give a good deal not to 
 've seen what I 'ave seen to-night." 
 
 Maria's eyes were cast down. She was busily brushing 
 some imaginary dust from the bosom of her dress. 
 
 * Do you think I care for 'im ? " she murmured, with 
 scornful emphasis. "Why, 'e ain't no more to me than 
 this lable— not so much ! Only I was that 'appy to 'ear them 
 Counts was took, I didn't care, and 'e was funny with 'is 
 antics, for all the world like a monkey on an organ. I 
 never '-.hought you'd mind so . . . I'd never . . . I'm a 
 pore oiphan with no one ... if I'd thought — . . . Oh, 
 Mr. Jones, 'ow cruel you are ! " 
 
 She sobbed, plucking at the table-cloth. Mr. Jones was 
 drawn to her side. The coloured gentleman had set a good 
 example. Her waist was yielding, pleasant to the touch. 
 It may have been that she had forgotten to put on her stays 
 that evenirig. There was whispering, dappled with soft, 
 sibilant sourds. The lamp shone on a small man embrac- 
 ing a stalwar\ woman. And Maria went to bed that night 
 with the nedr prospect of a proprietary interest in the 
 Mixture and tie Blend.
 
 CHAPTER XXVil. 
 
 IN WHICH MR. JONES IS FINALLY TAMED, AND MR. LEE- 
 STRETTON WRITES A HOPEFUL LETTER TO HIS MOTHER. 
 
 " I CONGRATULATE you, Jones — wish you every happiness 
 from the bottom of my heart," said Sir Arthur Blacicstone. 
 He slapped the sheep-faced tobacconist on the shoulder. 
 
 It was in the dining-room of Mr, Samuel Thompson's 
 house, and the hour was half-past nine in the morning. 
 Sunlight, misty and vague, such as London in genial mood 
 doles out to her children, played upon the heavy, dark- 
 stained sideboard, and upon a still darker oil-painting above 
 it, wherein a ghostly light-house and nothing else was dis- 
 cernible. Having served the early morning rush of customers 
 — city men and others on their way to the staLon, who were 
 in the habit of dashing into his shop to fill their pouches 
 for the day — Harry Jones had swallowed a hurried break- 
 fast, and was come post-haste to inform his patron that he 
 hoped shortly to be a married man. His motives for this 
 prompt, not to say precipitate, disclosure were two-fold. 
 In the first place, he remembered the paring leer of Brown 
 Geegee on the previous night, and wishtd to preclude all 
 renewal of the coloured gentleman's attentions to Maria. 
 In the second place, he considered himielf a sort of vassal 
 of Sir Arthur Blackstone, and felt bouud to seek his lord's 
 approval of the important step he was taking. There was, 
 besides, a hope Maria had breathec into him, tliat Sir 
 Arthur might Uke to be present at the wedding — a real, live 
 baronet— a thing to set all Walhair Green talking for a 
 fortnight ! 
 
 314
 
 ALL FOOLS 315 
 
 Blackstone held a table-napkin crumpled in his left hand. 
 His jaws were still working upon something, which, by a 
 subtle flavour that was in the air, might well have been 
 smoked haddock. 
 
 " Come and have some breakfast, Jones, won't you ? " he 
 said, slapping the tobacconist on the back. "You can tell 
 us the whole story comfortably. We're just beginning on 
 some stringy fish and muddy coffee, if you don't mind that 
 sort of thing. We've a good hour till Sammy comes down. 
 Come on, man," as Harry hesitated and looked shy. 
 " There's only Geegee, and Bunny, and myself — all old 
 friends. Come along." 
 
 Of a sudden Mr. Jones became rigid. 
 
 " I must ask you to excuse me, Sir Arthur. Ever since 
 I 'eard that She was engaged to Another, I've 'ated that Other 
 like poison. Even now that I'm a changed man, I wouldn't 
 sit down and eat along with 'im, not for untold gold, I 
 wouldn't." 
 
 "But you're engaged to Another yourself, aren't you? 
 Or what's all this you've been telling me about Maria ? 
 That ought to make a difference." 
 
 Harry Jones scratched his head with a puzzled expression. 
 
 "It makes a difference, sir, of course; but not that much. 
 If you don't mind, I'd rather not." 
 
 "Well, well," said Blackstone cheerily, "I often feel 
 like that myself, when I think that in another month they'll 
 be man and wife. Must you go ? " 
 
 Sir Arthur showed his visitor out at the front door, 
 repeating his congratulations and shaking hands. Before 
 Harry had gone many steps, he called after him : 
 
 " I say, Jones ! You take lodgers, don't you ? " 
 
 " I 'aven't, not so far; but I'm on the look-out for 
 some." 
 
 ."Well, what do you say to Bunny — Mr. Lee-Stretton ? 
 He wants rooms somewhere out of the way for three weeks.
 
 3l6 ALL FOOLS 
 
 He'd pay well, and he'd only be there from Saturday to 
 Monday. You see, he can't very well have the banns asked 
 in our parish, because Sammy, or Susan his wife, might 
 happen to go to church one of those Sundays and catch 
 him at it; so he's going to ask leave to spend three consecu- 
 tive week-ends with a maiden aunt at Putney, or Fulham, 
 or somewhere, and he's on tiie look-out for a lodging. Can 
 you take him in ? " 
 
 " I'd do most things to oblige you. Sir Arthur," — Harry 
 Jones took off his hat, and gazed ruefully into the crown 
 thereof — " but not that. I should do 'im a mischief, I'm 
 sure I should, if left alone with 'im at any time. But under 
 such aggravatin' circumstances, as the newspapers say, I 
 fear I should strike such a blow upon that rabbit mouth of 
 'is, as 'd send all his teeth chatterin' into 'is stomach. Ask 
 me anythin' but that, Sir Arthur." 
 
 "What a queer chap you are, Jones, You'll behaving 
 Maria jealous, if you don't look out. Well, to oblige me, 
 look out for a bedroom and sitting-room in your neighbour- 
 hood. It needn't be in the same parish. It doesn't matter 
 to him where the banns are given out, so long as it's in 
 some church or other. Look out for the rooms, there's a 
 good chap." 
 
 Harry Jones replaced his hat thoughtfully upon his head 
 and shook both. 
 
 "All right, Sir Arthur — to oblige you ! But I wonder at 
 you, I must say, bein' in love with Milly Woodward your- 
 self, takin' so much trouble about gettin' 'er married to 
 another." 
 
 And Blackstone wondered too, as he watched the dapper 
 form of the little tobacconist recede and diminish down the 
 long vista of the misty street. 
 
 Mr. Jones was as good as his word. That very evening, 
 after business hours, he set out, arm-in-arm with Maria, in 
 search of suitable lodgings for a single gentleman. And on
 
 ALL FOOLS 317 
 
 the third day he called again in Tenby Gardens with a note 
 for Sir Arthur Blackstone, Bart. 
 
 " Mrs. Wimple, number twelve, Rosemary Street, 
 Chelsea," was the address on the card enclosed. 
 
 Blackstone handed it to Bunny, who went forthwith and 
 engaged the rooms. 
 
 All this business about the banns, and the elaborate 
 deceit it entailed, made Mr. Lee-Stretton feel unpleasantly 
 like a criminal. He was generally morose now, when 
 alone, and irritable in company. Blackstone was his only 
 friend and confidant, and even he had grown less com- 
 forting of late, seeming to find some mysterious satisf;iction 
 in dwelling upon the seamy side of every topic. If poor 
 Bunny was gloomy throughout the week, there was certainly 
 nothing to brighten the hours from Saturday evening to 
 Monday morning, spent alone in that dejected little sitting- 
 room in Rosemary Street, with its heart-broken furniture 
 and the mourning prints upon the walls, or in the bedroom 
 with its outlook upon the monuments of a stone-mason's 
 yard. Faces of his mother, his father, his sister frowned 
 reproachful upon his lonely musings. The banns had been 
 asked cmce already, so there was no going back. He was 
 forced to look forward, and the prospect made him very 
 miserable. Was ever fellow in such an awkward position ? 
 He could have wept for pity of himself. 
 
 Very early on a typical April morning, when the wet 
 streets glistened and sparkled in a flood of sunshine 
 between two showers, Harry Jones emerged from the 
 private door of his house. He was arrayed as a bride- 
 groom, and Marin, dressed and veiled in white, hung upon 
 his arm. A fly was in waiting to take them to the church 
 hard by. The coachman had a white favour at his button- 
 hole, and a bow of white ribbon fluttered on his whip. 
 The shutters of the shop were up, and a charwoman, broom 
 in hand, grinned a blessing upon them as they drove off.
 
 3l8 ALL FOOLS 
 
 At the church door was Sir Arthur Blackstone, in frock 
 coat and high hat, with Brown Geegee in attendance, 
 sucking the ivory handle of his cane and leering cunningly. 
 Islr. Twinkler and his wife were installed in the front pew 
 of all, and there was a light sprinkling of the curious 
 unemployed in the body of the church. Percy V/oodward 
 suddenly appeared from the vestry, where he had been 
 telling the parson all about the Debating Society, and, with 
 a whisper of " Hope you're well. Sir Arthur," took 
 possession of Mr. Jones in the capacity of best man. That 
 was Blackstone's arrangement, to cement the reconciliation 
 of old friends ; he himself having agreed to figure as the 
 bride's father for the nonce. 
 
 The ceremony passed off without a hitch. Harry Jones 
 was less nervous than could be expected, and Maria's 
 responses, pronounced in a tone of argument, were dis- 
 tinctly audible, even in the gallery. Of course there was 
 kissing in the vestry afterwards. Sir Arthur Blackstone 
 saluted the bride, and so did Percy Woodward, and Mr. 
 Twinkler, and Mrs. Twinkler; and so also did Brown 
 Geegee again and again, with grimacing and honeyed words, 
 until Harry Jones, a little irritated, exclaimed, "Come, 
 come, Mr. Geegee, Mrs. Jones 'as 'ad enough o' that ! " 
 
 " Farewell ! Enjoy yourself Vi'ith her ! Good-bye ! 
 Hurrah ! God bless you ! " crowed the coloured gentleman 
 with infantile delight, as the carriage drove off with the 
 newly-married pair and the Twinklers, on their way to the 
 shop, where Maria would change hei garments and the 
 guests would refresh themselves before proceeding to a 
 tremendous breakfast at Richmond. And he flung his last 
 remaining handful of rice high into the air, so that it fell 
 upon his own shoulders and those of Mr. Woodward and 
 Sir Arthur Black^tone, standing on either side of him. 
 
 " Don't be a fool, Geegee, or I'll go for you," said 
 Blackstone warningly. " Can't you see all these roughs are
 
 ALL FOOLS 319 
 
 laughing at us ? Now, let's go and have breakfast some- 
 where before going home. You'll join us, Woodward?" 
 
 "I'm afraid I can't, much as I should like to," said 
 Percy, rubbing his hands a little sadly. " ' Needs must 
 when the devil drives,' as the poet so forcibly puts it." He 
 looked at his watch. "I'm due at the bank in a quarter of 
 an hour. Good-bye, Sir Arthur ; good-bye, Mr. Geegee, 
 Hope to see you again soon." 
 
 Blackstone was very well pleased with the morning's 
 work, as he sat at breakfast with Geegee in the clean-swept 
 parlour of a public-house. He wished Millicent to be well 
 informed of the happy ending to the story of Harry Jones, 
 and for that reason, among others, had prevailed upon 
 Percy to act as best man to his quondam friend and 
 colleague. He knew she would be pleased with the turn 
 events had taken, and only wished he could be there to 
 hear the expression of her pleasure. He was in high spirits 
 when he sat down to breakfast. But by and by, when the 
 excitement of the incident was spent, he began to think 
 gloomily of that other wedding which was less than three 
 weeks distant. The banns had been asked once already. 
 There was no hope of reprieve — not the least, unless 
 Bunny's people should get wind of his purpose, which 
 seemed the remotest of all contingencies just then. Geegee 
 watched his big friend furtively out of the corners of his 
 almond eyes, v/hile he crammed his mouth with eatables. 
 It was dangerous to disturb Blackstone when he had that 
 frown on his forehead, the coloured gentlemen knew well ; 
 so he said nothing, but made a hearty breakfast. 
 
 "What a lucky young hound you are ! " said Blackstone 
 to Bunny, on the following Saturday, when the latter was 
 on the point of setting out for those clandestine rooms of 
 his in Rosemary Street, Chelsea. " It must make you feel 
 awfully jolly to hear your name and hers coupled together 
 in church."
 
 320 ALL FOOLS 
 
 " Yes, of course," assented Bunny doubtfully. " Kut I 
 say, you know ! It's awful rot my people not knowing. I 
 can't feel quite happy about it, wiien I think of them. 
 There'll be a devil of a row when they find out — don't you 
 think, Blackstone? I'm afraid they'll disown me and all 
 that ! " 
 
 " Of course there'll be a shindy. I thought you'd made 
 up your mind to face that ! " said Blackstone, in a tone of 
 surprise. " What an ass you are, young 'un, always shilly- 
 shallying, stopping to look back when you've got a rare 
 good time to look forward to. Pull yourself together, man ! 
 Your people can't do much, except talk. It's not a crime, 
 hang it ! " 
 
 Bunny found little consolation in his friend's remarks. 
 It was not consoling either, when he went into Sammy's 
 study to take his leave, to hear the little old tutor say, " I 
 hope you will find your aunt ni good health. My compli- 
 ments to her if you please." It recalled too vividly the 
 long chain of untruths he had forged for himself, of which 
 this legend of his aunt at Fulhani was the newest link. By 
 the time he reached Mrs. Wimple's lodgings, and had given 
 that excellent widow his orders concerning supper, he was a 
 prey to the deepest melancholy. And the next morning he 
 awoke to the like dismal train of thought. 
 
 Sunday is always a dreary day for the lonely, in London 
 more than elsewhere, by reason of the shops that are shut 
 and the crowds of people looking uncomfortable in their 
 best clothes. Bunny had no wish to go to church, to hear 
 a formal charge of deceiving his parents brought against him 
 solemnly by the mouth of a priest. Still less did he feel 
 any desire to wandtjr amid the Sabbath desolation of the 
 streets. So he spent all the morning in the little sitting- 
 room, reading back-numbers of the Parish Magazine, which 
 was all the literature the book-shelf afforded ; glancing 
 round sometimes with a yawn upon the lugubrious furniture,
 
 ALL FOOLS 321 
 
 sometimes, also with a yawn, looking out of the window. 
 By the afternoon he had sunk to such a depth of boredom 
 and despondency that he hailed the advent of his landlady 
 bringing the tea, with joy, as a godsend. 
 
 It was the servant's afternoon out, Mrs. Wimple informed 
 him, apologising for her appearance in person. She was a 
 widow lady, vast, heaving, and lachrymose, dispiriting as 
 the rooms she let. Yet Bunny placed a chair for her and 
 listened to her detailed account of the latest murder, and 
 her wail over the horror of it, with a seemly show of interest. 
 He was so sick of being alone that even such shambles-talk 
 as this was welcome to him. But when she was gone and 
 only the memory of her conversation remained, without the 
 human company which had made it bearable, black despair 
 gripped hold of him. The consciousness of sin was heavy 
 upon him ; it was more than he could bear. Something 
 must be done to alleviate it, or he would sink under the 
 burden. There was an antique ink-stand on the table in 
 the window. A pen with a bone handle lay beside it. He 
 had note-paper in his bag. 
 
 He sat down to the table and wrote : 
 
 " Dear Mother, — I am going to be married to Miss 
 Millicent Woodward, an awfully nice girl. The wedding is 
 to take place on the 25th of this month. I am sure you 
 will all like her, especially Katie. I am so happy that I 
 do not know what to do with myself. 
 
 " Your loving son, 
 
 " Douglas." 
 
 He bought a penny stamp of Mrs. Wimple, and the 
 missive was actually lodged in a pillar-box before nightfall. 
 But no sooner was the letter posted than a reaction set in. 
 For full half an hour before midnight, a wild-eyed Bunny 
 with crumpled collar and tie awry, walked up and down in 
 the neighbourhood of that pillar-box. 
 
 X
 
 322 ALL FOOLS 
 
 " I say, you know ! There's a letter of mine in there," 
 he said, when the postman at length appeared. " I want it 
 back, if you please. Here's half a crown ! " 
 
 But the postman was surly and looked askance at the 
 coin. 
 
 " It can't be done," he said, kneeling to unlock the box. 
 " It's as much as my place is worth ! " 
 
 " But I say, you know — " 
 
 " It can't be done, I tell yer ! " interrupted the postman 
 angrily, sweeping the letters by handfuls into his sack. 
 " You don't expect me to stop 'ere all night, lookin' at every 
 single letter till I come to yours, do yer ? " 
 
 So Bunny went back to his lodgings distracted, to a bed 
 where no rest was, to listen through the long watches of the 
 night to the trumpet-like snoring of his landlady in the room 
 above. He would have given much more than half a crown 
 to recall that letter.
 
 CHAPTER XXVIII. 
 
 IN WHICH AN INDIAN GENTLEMAN APPEARS AS A CHURCH- 
 GOER, AND MISS WOODWARD FAINTS, MOST UN- 
 MAIDENLY, INTO THE ARMS OF A YOUNG MAN. 
 
 " What's your religion, Geegee ? " asked Sir Arthur Black- 
 stone of the coloured gentleman, as they sat together at 
 breakfast in the class-room on the morning of that identical 
 Sunday. Brown Geegee grinned, protesting that he didn't 
 know. He had not yet made up his mind. There were so 
 many religions in the world, and they all had so many in- 
 conveniences, that he found it hard to make a choice. 
 
 Blackstone stroked his moustache and surveyed him 
 thoughtfully. 
 
 " I wonder whether it 'd be sacrilege or anything, if I 
 were to take you to church," he said. " I've never had to 
 do with a heathen in that line before. Look here, image ; 
 it's time you were converted." 
 
 Brown Geegee spread out his hands in deprecation. 
 He had been often to church since his coming to England, 
 he said ; notably to the wedding of his friend Jones that 
 very week. He would accompany Blackstone to any place 
 of worship he liked to mention. Conversion was un- 
 necessary, in his opinion, seeing that he was fully quahfied 
 as a church-goer without it. 
 
 Blackstone still stroked his moustache thoughtfully. 
 
 " Well, look here, you brazen idol, you'll have to behave 
 yourself. It's not a wedding this time, you see. It's 
 a serious service ; and, if they catch you making faces or 
 any of your humbug, they'll chuck you out, and make it 
 
 323
 
 324 ALL FOOLS 
 
 confoundedly hot for you into the bargain. I'm going to 
 hear Bunny's banns given out." 
 
 Brown Geegee was eager in promising to be solemn as 
 an owl. 
 
 " I may perhaps see my dear beautiful Miss Woodward 
 there ! " he added, as a joyful after-thought. 
 
 " Not much chance of that," said Blackstone, rising and 
 pushing back his chair. " It's time we started, Geegee." 
 
 Millicent Woodward was not feeling very well that 
 morning ; she had not been quite herself for many days. 
 Percy began to fear for her looks. He recommended her, 
 with a brotherly pat, to get some roses into her cheeks 
 before the twenty-fifth, or she would have Lee-Stretton cry- 
 ing off at the last minute. 
 
 " Come, Mil ; you mustn't really go on like this," he said 
 at breakfast. He rubbed his hands and smiled pleasantly 
 at his sister, shaking his head the while with mock severity. 
 
 " This won't do, you know. You'll be a living skeleton 
 on your wedding-day at this rate. Come, cheer up, old 
 girl. Only ten days more and you'll be Mrs. Lee-Stretton — 
 as happy as a queen, I'll be bound. I shall tell him how 
 you've been pining for him, and I bet he'll be flattered. 
 Cheer up, and give us a kiss." 
 
 But although she conceded the kiss, as in duty bound, 
 Millicent was not one whit more cheerful for his well-meant 
 assurance. How foolish she had been to submit to the 
 naming of a day. But Percy and her mother had proved 
 too many for her. Their importunities had amounted to 
 persecution, and she had humoured them for the sake of 
 peace, wildly hoping that after all something might happen 
 to prevent the sacrifice. Now it was too late. The banns 
 were to be asked that morning for the second time. Plow 
 could she tell Percy that his sister, on the eve of her 
 marriage to one man, was madly in love with another?
 
 ALL FOOLS 325 
 
 " Got a headache ? " he asked. " You'd better not go to 
 church this morning. Stay at home and He down — that's 
 your ticket. You'll be as right as a trivet by dinner-time." 
 
 " I think I'd rather go to church," said MiUicent meekly. 
 
 Percy rubbed his hands and smiled knowingly. " Aha 1 
 you can't keep away from hearing your name coupled with 
 his. I know you ! '' 
 
 " I think I shall go upstairs now and get ready," she said, 
 in the same subdued tone. " I shall go and hear the banns 
 at the other church this morning." 
 
 " On the off-chance of meeting him — eh ? " Percy 
 chuckled at his own discernment. " You're a nice sort of 
 girl, I must say. When I took the trouble of asking him 
 not to call or see you before^ the wedding-day, so that you 
 shouldn't be sick of one another to start with ! And here 
 are you, breaking through all rules and running off to meet 
 him." 
 
 MiUicent went upstairs and, after a quarter of an hour, 
 came dow^n again, dressed for church. 
 
 " You haven't been long," said Percy, putting his head 
 out at the dining-room door. " Blowed if I ever knew you 
 dress so quick before in your life. He's a powerful magnet, 
 is my future brother-in-law." 
 
 MiUicent said coldly : " Good-bye till dinner-time." 
 
 " Good-bye, old girl ; I'd go with you myself, only I've 
 got a bit of a cold that wants nursing. Besides, I shouldn't 
 like to spoil sport." 
 
 With this final sally he closed the door, and returned to 
 his arm-chair to chuckle it over at leisure. 
 
 As MiUicent made her way through the quiet streets that 
 Sunday morning, a vague hope was in her heart that there 
 might be some irregularity about the banns at Bunny's 
 church ; that the clergyman would forget to read them, that 
 something would happen to cause a postponement of the 
 wedding. The fresh spring air, blowing in from the country
 
 326 ALL FOOLS 
 
 with a suggestion of budding hedgerows, of primrose and 
 violet, fanned her cheeks, seeming to bid her hope. There 
 was hope also in the floating sunshine, in the clearness of 
 the atmosphere, pure from recent showers. Even the people 
 in the streets, going churchwards in their Sunday clothes, 
 with faces composed upon serious Sunday lines, caused her 
 but a moment's depression which passed with them. She 
 had not felt so hopeful for weeks. 
 
 It had been a trying time for her, ever since the date of 
 the wedding had been fixed irrevocably. Each day had 
 brought with it some new form of humiliation. Neighbours 
 and old school-friends called to congratulate her, and 
 wedding-presents began to arrive. Mrs. Woodward lived in 
 a constant fluster about the trousseau, spending most of her 
 time in turning over the pages of fashion-papers, ready with 
 a new suggestion whenever Milly entered her room. As 
 for the bride-elect herself, her purchases were soon made, 
 and she found some slight relief from thought in the 
 mechanical work of stitching and embroidery. Rose 
 Langley came often to see her in the evenings, and on 
 Saturday afternoons. She would sit and reason with her 
 by the hour. It was not too late, she insisted. Why not 
 write at once and break it off"? But Millicent, through a 
 mistaken sense of honour, was inexorable in her self-sacrifice. 
 She wished that she had stipulated to keep her place at the 
 office till the very last. Those long days, with nothing to 
 think of, nothing to talk of but the wedding, were unbear- 
 able. 
 
 The members of the Debating Society called one evening 
 in a body, to discuss the question of a wedding gift to Miss 
 Woodward. Each was willing to subscribe the sum of ten 
 shillings, if Percy would suggest some present at once useful 
 and ornamental. After some show of deprecation and 
 much rubbing of his hands, the Premier remarked casually 
 that a centre-piece for a dinner-table was a useful article in
 
 ALL FOOLS 327 
 
 a house where " swagger " parties were often given, as 
 would be the case in the abode of his future brother-in-law, 
 Lee-Stretton. He further let fall an opinion that you 
 couldn't have too much plate in an establishment of that 
 kind. 
 
 Then came a pleasing speech by Elf, every word of 
 which was applauded by Bert. The honourable member 
 spoke of the contracting parlies as if they had been two 
 steeds whose points he admired. He referred to his friend 
 Percy, as " own brother to Miss Woodward," to Mrs. Wood- 
 ward and the late lamented Mr. W. as the " dam " and the 
 " sire." He expressed his approval of the breed in no 
 measured terms, and ventured to hope that it might nvver 
 die out ; finally suggesting a " pram," or perambulator — a 
 double "pram," if he might make so bold — as a delicate 
 hint to the loving pair of what was expected of them, and an 
 inducement to continue in the same all the days of their 
 life. 
 
 But Percy, though he thanked the speaker with tears in 
 his eyes for his handsome offer, thought that the gift had 
 better take some other form. A " pram " was a little too 
 personal — a trifle too pointed, if he might be allowed the 
 expression. He tried to picture his sister's face upon 
 receiving such a present, and gave up the attempt with a 
 shudder. 
 
 . After some further discussion, the little man who had a 
 cousin in America, and who, moreover, had a wife at home, 
 proposed a " thorough good dressing-case, fitted with all 
 the etceteras," as the form of present most suitable to a young 
 wife. And the other members reflecting that the little man 
 ought to know, if anyone did, the proposal was adopted 
 unanimously. 
 
 Millicent had been extremely annoyed when she heard of 
 the proceedings afterwards from Percy's lips. Why could 
 not people leave her alone, she wondered, when all she
 
 328 ALL FOOLS 
 
 asked was to be left alone? Could they not see how- 
 wretched she was ? Altogether it had been a trying time 
 for her. No wonder that she was weak and unwell. 
 Surely no one but a brother would have let her walk so far 
 to church alone, with tliat pale face and those dark circles 
 round her eyes. She might faint in the street, or the 
 atmosphere of a crowded church might well prove too much 
 for her. Percy sat snug in his avm-cliair at home, with a 
 pipe in his mouth and a Sunday paper in his hands. 
 Sambo lay curled up on the rug at his feet. He wondered 
 that his sister should care for the trouble of going to morn- 
 ing service — that was all. And Lee-Stretton explained that 
 somewhat. 
 
 The church which Mr. Lee-Stretton had chosen for his 
 clandestine purpose was a bran-new structure of red brick, 
 wedged in a street of small houses, ab;)ve whose chimneys 
 its slate roof rose high, like a section of the back of some 
 huge fish. To reach it Milly had to traverse an unsavoury 
 passage between iron posts, which gave access to a street 
 of high houses, whose damaged railings, broken windows, 
 and general air of dilapidation — not to speak of the dirty 
 children playing on the doorsteps — bore witness to the 
 poverty of their inmates. Almost involuntarily she 
 quickened her pace, clutching her purse more tightly in her 
 hand. It was with a sigh of relief that she emerged into a 
 road of small but respectable dwellings, and beheld the 
 church, end and object of her walk, not many yards 
 distaijt. 
 
 All seats were free, the verger said in reply to her 
 question. He was an austere young man, with a clean- 
 shaven face, and had the appearance of a priest in his long 
 cassock, girt with a cord at the waist. He answered her 
 question curtly, waving his hand to the left side of the 
 church as the region appropriate to her sex. 
 
 A vague sense of shame and a shrinking from observation
 
 ALL FOOLS 329 
 
 prompted her to seek a chair behind a pillar, whence she 
 could see the altar and the lectern, but was herself the least 
 conspicuous of all the worshippers. She had a foreboding 
 that Douglas would be there to hear the banns ; and to be 
 seen and recognised by him was the last thing she wished. 
 A feeling of calm after a storm stole over her, as she knelt 
 behind her pillar. She was cloistered for a space from 
 the world with all its cares and worries. The clangour of 
 the bell reached her ears with a muffled sound, as of some- 
 thing very far away. The shaded light from a memorial 
 window fell slantwise upon the pillar and upon the pave- 
 ment of the aisle, with a stain of amethyst and amber. The 
 crimson glow from a saint's robe was about her head. 
 
 The bell ceased, and she became suddenly aware that the 
 church was full of people. A tremulous ripple of sound 
 thrilled the building, dying away in a murmur along the 
 vaulted roof. Then a full wave of harmony filled every 
 corner of the church, the choir passed into the chancel, and 
 the service began. 
 
 " I publish the banns of marriage between Douglas Lee- 
 Stretton, bachelor, of this parish, and Millicent Wood- 
 ward — " 
 
 The spell was broken. She could hardly repress a ciy 
 as the words rang through the church. She looked round 
 with a crimson face, fearing lest she had indeed exclaimed 
 aloud. But the congregation were busy fluttering the leavts 
 of their books to find the hymn tliat was to follow. Then 
 everyone stood up, she with them, leaning upon the pillar 
 for support. 
 
 " What a giant ! " she thought, looking across to the men's 
 seats. And then in a flash came recognition, making her 
 tremble from head to foot. 
 
 " Are you ill ? " a lady leaned forward and asked in a 
 whisper. " Shall I help you out ? " 
 
 " It's nothing, thank you," murmured Millicent, looking
 
 330 ALL FOOLS 
 
 round with a scared face, and she sat down until the hymn 
 was over. 
 
 She slipped out before the sermon very quietly, hoping 
 to avoid notice. Turning at the door, she was conscious of 
 a pair of bright almond eyes leering at her out of a puckered 
 face, and of a very tall man coming down the aisle. 
 
 She turned deadly pale, and rushed out into the street. 
 The verger, picking up a glass of water, which always stood 
 on his table in case of emergency, followed her with the 
 gravity and deliberation of a medical man. But by the 
 time he reached the street, she was already many yards 
 distant, hurrying for her life. Finding himself baffled, he 
 smiled an ascetic smile, and was turning to re-enter the 
 church, when he was almost overset by the outward rush of 
 a giant, dragging a coloured gentleman by the arm. The 
 tumbler splintered to a dozen fragments upon the stone 
 steps, and the water sought its own level by a series of tiny 
 cascades. 
 
 In her dread of meeting the man she loved, Millicent 
 turned first to the right, then to the left, then to the left 
 again, regardless of direction, caring not whither she went, 
 so that she might shake off her pursuers. Now running, 
 now walking at the top of her speed, she threaded a tortuous 
 way among the streets and alleys, turning wherever a corner 
 was, darting down dingy passages, with the simple cunning 
 of a hunted thing, making no headway whatever. 
 
 At length, turnin^j; down a passage bttween iron posts, 
 she found herself, to her horror, face to face with the very 
 man she was fleeing from. It was too much for her. In a 
 state of weakness, almost hysterical, she clung to the rail- 
 ings for support. The street swam before her eyes. There 
 was a strange singing in her ears. The forms of Blackstone 
 and Brown Geegee seemed to draw very near, to dilate, and 
 then to vanish altogether. She staggered, and fell lifeless 
 into a pair of strong arms.
 
 CHAPTER XXIX. 
 
 IN WHICH SIR ARTHUR BLACKSTONE BEGINS TO ENTER- 
 TAIN HOPE FOR THE FUTURE. 
 
 " Run for your life, Geegee ! " said Blackstone, turning a 
 woeful face to the coloured gentleman. " Fetch a doctor at 
 once ! " 
 
 " I think she only faints," said Brown Geegee, with a dis- 
 tressed grin. " I will borrow some nice clean water from 
 somebody." 
 
 Certain stalwart matrons of unkempt aspect had detached 
 themselves from neighbouring doorsteps, where they had 
 been fixtures all the morning, and now formed a sympa- 
 thetic group about the three. 
 
 " Ah, poor dear," one of them exclaimed, " it's the 
 weather 's upset her, I'll be bound ! No wonder, I'm sure ; 
 I feels it myself." 
 
 Brown Geegee, encouraged by the evident compassion of 
 the speaker, raised his hat, and bowing profoundly, craved 
 the loan of "some nice clean water." 
 
 The woman gave a loud guffaw. 
 
 *' Well, I never ! For all the world like a monkey on a 
 organ,, ain't 'e, Missis Barney ? 'Ere, Jenny," laying rough 
 hold of a little girl who was clinging to her skirts, and 
 shaking her, " jest you run and bring a mug o' water 's fast 
 as your legs can carry you ! None o' your loit'rin', mind ! 
 And if you spill one drop it'll be the worse for you ! " 
 
 But even before the child came running back with the 
 water, Millicent began to give signs of a return to conscious- 
 ness. Her lips parted, and her bosom heaved with a sigh. 
 
 33J
 
 332 ALL FOOLS 
 
 " Undo the front of 'er dress, guv'nor," said an old hag, 
 with a rasping voice. " Give 'er room to breathe ! " 
 
 It seemed Hke sacrilege to Blackstone, but he obeyed 
 nevertheless. Then the water was brought, and he sprinkled 
 her face and neck with it, kneeling, her head upon his 
 shoulder. A feather of her hat tickled his face uncomfort- 
 ably, and the hat itself— a dainty confection of Milly's own 
 — got sadly pushed about and crushed. But Blackstone 
 cared not a jot in either case ; he was holding her in his 
 arms. All the Bunnies in the world, with their jealous " I 
 say, you know ! " could not rob him of the memory of that 
 moment. He was almost sorry when she at length opened 
 her eyes. Looking round bewildered upon so many strange 
 faces, she clung close to him and sobbed, with cheek pressed 
 to his coat. 
 
 " Mistakes me for Bunny," he thought, reddening with 
 embarrassment as the unkempt matrons tittered. He 
 exclaimed hastily : 
 
 " Come along, Geegee ! We must get her away from 
 here as quick as possible. You take one arm and I'll take 
 the other. She's only half conscious as yet." 
 
 Brown Geegee did as he was bidden ; and a mouldy 
 man, who had elbowed his way between two portly dames, 
 and stood there comfortably wedged between those living 
 cushions, vouchsafed certain directions, chiefly public- 
 houses, by which they were to find the nearest cab-stand. 
 Then, as all prospect of excitement was at an end, the 
 matrons returned to their respective doorsteps, and the 
 mouldy man slouched off up the street. 
 
 Blackstone, feebly assisted by Brown Geegee, half carried, 
 half led Millicent in the direction indicated. Their progress 
 was of necessity very slow, for she was still faint and dizzy, 
 needing support for every step. The trio was a peculiar 
 one, apt to call forth the gibes of loafers at any street 
 corner. Blackstone was so big. Brown Geegee was so
 
 ALL FOOLS 333 
 
 brown, his collar so white and his tie so red, and Millicent 
 was so pretty, in spite of her pallor and dishevelment. 
 
 Blackstone was glad that Millicent was still too dazed to 
 comprehend the ribald remarks passed upon them — very 
 thankful when at length they reached the cab-stand. Having 
 lifted her into a four-wheeler, he ordered the cabman to 
 drive to Twinkler and Jones, tobacconists, at Walham 
 Green. 
 
 " It's the nearest place," he explained to Brown Geegee, 
 as he took his seat beside that gentleman, with his back to 
 the horse. " She can rest there a bit^ and have something 
 to eat and drink before going home." 
 
 Millicent was leaning back in her corner, with closed 
 eyes. 
 
 " Hush ! " whispered the coloured gentleman, laying a 
 finger to his lip and glancing at her. " My beautiful Miss 
 Woodward slumbers ; let us not disturb her with loud con- 
 versation. I think you do well to convey her to my friend 
 Jones ; he is a nice chap, and he loves her. Moreover, 
 there is Maria, who will be to her like a mother." 
 
 Blackstone rejoined in the same tone, "That's exactly 
 what I was thinking — about Maria, I mean ! Confound 
 these four-wheelers ! Their rattling is enough to give anyone 
 a headache. They ought to stick sandbags about, or some- 
 thing, to deaden the noise ! " 
 
 But rattling is as much part of a four-wheeled cab as 
 advertisements are of an omnibus. Stop the rattling and 
 you might as well have a private carriage at once ! So the 
 cab rattled all the way to Walham Green, nor ceased from 
 rattling until it drew up with a jerk at the door of Harry 
 Jones's dwelling. But Millicent seemed not to notice it. 
 She lay back in her corner with closed eyes, only opening 
 them when the rattling ceased and Blackstone put his arm 
 about her to help her to alight. 
 
 Mr. Jones, apprised of the catastrophe by a voluble inroad
 
 334 ALL FOOLS 
 
 of Brown Geegee, came out, wringing his hands, his face 
 pale with emotion. In their eagerness to be of use both he 
 and Geegee greatly impeded Blackstone, getting entangled 
 with his legs and doing their best to trip him up. Having 
 quite enough to do to support Miss Woodward, without the 
 hindrance of these well-meant manceuvres, the baronet 
 exclaimed, " Here, Jones ! Run indoors and tell Maria ! 
 . . . Now, then, Geegee ! Go and pay the cabby, there's 
 a good chap ! " 
 
 The two bustling off on their respective errandsj he was 
 able to convey liis charge to the back-parlour. 
 
 Very tenderly he laid her down upon the sofa in the 
 sitting-room, gently loosening the hands which had tightened 
 about his neck. 
 
 *' Poor little girl ! " he muttered, standing to look at her 
 as she lay listless with closed eyes. " Thinks I'm Bunny, 
 worse luck ! I expect she'd be more comfortable with her 
 hat off, but hanged if I know how to do it ! Pins some- 
 where, I suppose ! " 
 
 Maria entering, in a bustle of solicitude, Blackstone with- 
 drew discreetly to the shop to nurse his anxiety and kick 
 his heels to the accompaniment of Brown Geegee's magpie 
 chatter, and the perpetual "Well, I never! Did you ever, 
 Mr. Geegee ? " of Harry Jones. 
 
 At length the tobacconist stole on tiptoe to the door of 
 the back-room — a quite unnecessary precaution, considering 
 that he had been talking in a loud voice, and must certainly 
 have disturbed the patient, if the patient were susceptible 
 of disturbance — and knocked softly with his knuckles upon 
 the glass panel. Maria opened to him, and a whispered 
 colloquy ensued, in the course of which Harry Jones 
 slapped his knee several times, and gave other unmistak- 
 able signs of dehght. His face beaming with satisfaction, 
 he stole back to the counter. 
 
 "Sir Arthur!" he whispered. "She's asleep, sir, and
 
 ALL FOOLS 335 
 
 doin' nicely ! Would you mind steppin' outside with me a 
 minute ? Mr. Geegee '11 excuse us, I'm sure ! " 
 
 He led Blackstone to the street door and, seizing the 
 lowest button of his coat, whispered : " She don't love 
 
 im 
 
 I » 
 
 " What do you mean ? " said Blackstone fiercely. 
 
 "That's just what I'm going to tell you ! " Harry Jones 
 raised the forefinger of his right hand, with intent to 
 emphasise each point of his discourse by a stroke upon the 
 baronet's waistcoat. " When you were gone, Maria saw 'er 
 gropin' about, as if to cuddle somebody, and 'eard 'er 
 mutterin' * Where is 'e ? ' " 
 
 The finger came down upon the waistcoat. 
 
 " I know," Blackstone put in. " She thought I was — " 
 
 "Wait till you 'ear all I've got to say!" interrupted 
 Harry, the finger again raised. " Maria 'eard' er sayin' that, 
 and saw 'er gropin' about. So she went up to 'er and said, 
 ' What is it, my pretty ? ' And then she whispered a name 
 —A NAME ! " 
 
 Another stroke of the forefinger upon the waistcoat. 
 
 " I know," muttered Blackstone, very pale, in spite of the 
 sunburn, which was chronic with him. " She mistook me 
 for Bunny all along ! " 
 
 " Bunny ! " echoed Mr. Jones, in tones of the deepest scorn 
 and contempt. " Bunny, indeed ! I knew she couldn't 
 love 'im — from the very first I knew it ! That's what made 
 me so mad ! I ask you, sir, is 'is name Arthur ? Milly 
 Woodward whispered ' Arthur.' She said, * Where is 
 Arthur ? ' Maria can take her Bible oath to it ! Is 'is 
 name Arthur ? Why, of course it isn't ! 'Ooever thought 
 it was ? I tell you she asked for Arthur, and so all you 
 'ave to do is to go in and win. There's my advice to you. 
 Go in and win, and love, cherish, and obey, till deach shall 
 you part, all the days of your life, amen ! " 
 
 The finger came down a score of times in quick succession.
 
 336 A[-L FOOLS 
 
 If Mr. Jones had been wearing a hat at that moment, he 
 would certainly have thrown it up into the air. As it was 
 his feelings found vent in a species of war-dance upon the 
 pavement — a performance which raised him inches higher 
 in the estimation of such urchins and mudlarks of VValham 
 Green as were privileged to witness it. 
 
 " Go in and win," he repeated excitedly. " That's my 
 advice. Go in and win ! " 
 
 But Blackstone remained outside, and there was no light 
 of victory in his face as he leaned against the doorpost. 
 He took his pipe from his pocket, looked at it thoughtfully, 
 and then handed it to Harry Jones. 
 
 " Give me a fill," he said. " I can think better when 
 I'm smoking, and I've left my pouch at home, like a 
 fool." 
 
 Mr. Jones bustled into the shop, returning shortly with a 
 pipeful of the purest happiness in the one hand and a box 
 of vestas in the other. 
 
 " May I tell Mr. Geegee ? " he asked, in a low tone, as 
 the first puff of smoke came from Blackstone's lips. " 'E's 
 a friend of both parties, and 'e's just dyin' to know what 
 we've been whisperin' about." 
 
 " Certainly not," said Blackstone, upon reflection. 
 
 Whereupon Mr. Jones went back into the shop, to tanta 
 lise Brown Geegee with a bewilderment of dark sayings and 
 knowing winks. 
 
 Blackstone joined them at last. " I say, Jone.-," he said, 
 " just inquire how Miss Woodward is getting on. I think 
 we'd better send her home if she's at all fit. Her people 
 will be getting anxious. I suppose you won't mind letting 
 Maria go in the cab with her, eh ? " 
 
 " But, Sir Arthur ! " gasped Harry Jones. " You remem- 
 ber what I told you ! Go in and win, you know ! " 
 
 Blackstone said coldly, " Do as I tell you, there's a good 
 chap."
 
 ALL FOOLS 337 
 
 Brown Geegee leered frightfully. " Maria need not 
 trouble herself to go. I will myself escort the dear sweet- 
 sugar young lady to her parent's arms." 
 
 Blackstone scared the coloured gentleman with a threat- 
 ening look, and repeated his request that Harry Jones 
 would inquire how Miss Woodward did. 
 
 " She was all right now," Maria said ; " only a bit shaken, 
 poor dear. She was quite well enough to go home." So, 
 when Milly had been roused and made tidy, Maria went 
 upstairs to don her out-door apparel, and Blackstone, 
 beckoning to Brown Geegee, prepared to take his leave. 
 
 Harry Jones was in great distress. " Won't you go and 
 speak a word to her. Sir Arthur?" he pleaded. "Just a 
 word or two to clinch the matter, and cut another out for 
 ever ! " 
 
 Blackstone was moody. " No, not to-day. I'll call in 
 the course of to-morrow and we'll talk it over. There may 
 be some mistake. I must be quite sure before I take any 
 steps." 
 
 " It means everything to me, you see," he added, almost 
 apologetically. 
 
 Harry Jones was disappointed, and was at no pains to 
 hide his chagrin. Still, there was a fierce light in the 
 baronet's eyes, which, he thought, boded no good to that 
 supercilious idiot with the rabbit-mouth. 
 
 " Good-bye, Sir Arthur. I shall look out for you in the 
 morning," he said, shaking hands at the street-door. 
 " Good-bye, Mr. Geegee. 'Ope you'll drop in to-morrow 
 evening as usual, sir." 
 
 " What a pity," he muttered, as he re-entered the shop. 
 '"E may never 'ave such another chance again. I'd sooner 
 lose Milly Woodward to a man like Sir Arthur Blackstone 
 than 'ave 'er myself — blowed if I wouldn't ! Pity 'e should 
 go off without so much as wishin' 'er good-bye. It's funny 
 I'm not a bit jealous of 'im — funny I should like Maria just
 
 338 ALL FOOLS 
 
 the same with 'er in the 'ouse." He scratched his head 
 " They're as dififerent as chalk from cheese. I see the 
 difference there is, and yet I Hke Maria." It was the 
 difference of the drawing-room and the kitchen. Heredity 
 bade Mr. Jones prefer the kitchen, except on State 
 occasions. 
 
 Blackstone had not gone far. He lingered at the corner 
 of the street, in spite of Geegee's frequent hints that it was 
 near lunch-time, until he had seen a hansom drive by, and 
 had caught a glimpse of Milly's face, so patrician in its 
 pallor, contrasted with Maria's full-blown visage. Then he 
 turned, and, calling to Brown Geegee, strode resolutely 
 homeward with long, elastic strides, the coloured gentleman 
 shuffling and panting to keep up with him.
 
 CHAPTER XXX. 
 
 OF THE ARRIVAL IN TOWN OF CAPTAIN LEE-STRETTON 
 AND HIS WARDER, OF THE DISCOMFITURE OF MR. 
 THOMPSON, THE FORWARDNESS OF A YOUNG LADY, 
 AND THE UTTER WRETCHEDNESS OF BUNNY. 
 
 An atmosphere of peace and calm, quite religious in its 
 intensity, pervaded Mr. Samuel Thomj^son's mansion, the 
 basement, with its clatter of pots and pans, alone excepted. 
 It was Monday evening, and the sun was setting in the 
 smoky west. Chimney-pots cast long shadows eastward 
 across the roofs. 
 
 Work was over for the day. Those pupils who did not 
 lodge in the house were already bending their course home- 
 ward through the gathering shadow of the streets, each with 
 a box of drawing instruments tucked under his arm. Black- 
 stone, but newly returned from Walham Green, sat pensive 
 at his bedroom window, smoking a pipe, and looking out to 
 where the tower of the Imperial Institute was aglow with 
 sunset light. In the adjoining room, separated only by a 
 thin wall of partition, Bunny lay, face downward, upon the 
 bed, a prey to the bitterest reflections. Mrs, Thompson 
 had gone out to take tea with a friend in a neighbouring 
 street, and Sammy sat in his study as usual, dozing, an open 
 book upon his knees. An unnatural calm was upon the 
 house and its inmates, the servants alone excepted — the 
 calm which goes before a storm. 
 
 There was a ring at the bell, a knock at the door. Sammy 
 awoke with a start of apprehension, but, remembering that 
 his wife was away from home, relapsed straightway into his 
 
 339
 
 340 ALL FOOLS 
 
 former state of lethargy ; but not for long, A servant 
 rapped at the door. 
 
 "A gentleman and lady to see you, sir ! " she said, proffer- 
 ing a card. 
 
 The book fell from Sammy's knees, closing with a loud 
 report. He rose snorting, and, taking the card, went to 
 the window to examine it. 
 
 " Er — Captain Lee-Stretton ! " he muttered, sniffing ex- 
 citedly. " I — er — I wonder what he can want with me ! " 
 
 " They're in the drawing-room, sir," the servant volun- 
 teered as she withdrew. t 
 
 Sammy shuffled across the landing to his dressing-room, 
 and, after a hasty adjustment of his raiment before the glass, 
 opened the drawing-room door and went in. The servant 
 had lighted the gas and drawn down the blinds. The 
 little old tutor blinked at the sudden transition from the 
 twilight of the landing. 
 
 An elderly gentleman, of military but apoplectic appear- 
 ance, rose from the sofa to meet him. His heavy white 
 moustache, his bald, round forehead shining in the gaslight, 
 and his staring eyes, suggested a venerable walrus. A 
 handsome girl, with strongly-marked features and large grey 
 eyes, rose from her chair, and stood, with hands folded, 
 waiting to be introduced. She wore a tailor-made coat and 
 skirt of navy-blue, a man's collar and cuffs, and a red tie. 
 Her hat, the most feminine item of her apparel, if taken off 
 and carried in the hand, would have borne a strong family 
 resemblance to those trays of black feathers, carried in by- 
 gone days by the mutes at a funeral. The general effect 
 was pleasing to the eye. 
 
 " Er — what a stylish girl ! " thought Sammy, with a sniff, 
 as he stretched out a hand to greet Captain Lee-Stretton. 
 And that was just what everybody said of Miss Catherine. 
 
 But the little old tutor had scant time to observe the 
 person of his lady-visitor. The captain was glaring at him
 
 ALL FOOLS 341 
 
 wrathfuUy out of his gooseberry eyes. His brows knit, as 
 he held Sammy's hand a moment, then let it drop as 
 though it had been some noisome reptile. In fact, the 
 gallant captain, who, from long retirement and good living, 
 had lost some of the warlike ardour of his youthful days, 
 had been stung and goaded to wrath by the wasp-like tongue 
 of his daughter, who had volunteered to go with him to 
 London with the express purpose of keeping his anger and 
 indignation upon the boil. 
 
 " Good-evening to you, sir ! " said the captain, glaring 
 into the dazed face of the little bookworm. 
 
 Sammy's knees trembled, and his eyes sought the carpet. 
 He fingered his glasses more assiduously than ever, sniffing 
 and snorting in his embarrassment. 
 
 "This is my daughter Catherine, sir!" pursued the 
 captain, indicating his daughter by a wave of his walking- 
 stick. 
 
 Sammy bowed to the lady, mumbling a hope that she 
 found herself quite well. 
 
 With Hps set and a threatening jerk of his walrus head. 
 Captain Lee-Stretton went on, "We have come to town, 
 sir, on no pleasant errand ! " 
 
 Sammy, knowing nothing of their errand, and having 
 therefore no consolation to offer, murmured, "Dear, dear! 
 But — er — won't you sit down ? " 
 
 Miss Catherine subsided into her chair with a graceful 
 wave of her skirt, keeping a martinet's eye upon her father 
 all the while. 
 
 The captain sat down upon the sofa with a jerk. Pro- 
 ducing a letter from the pocket of his covert coat, he handed 
 it to the tutor, saying, " Read that, sir, and judge for your- 
 self!" 
 
 Sammy drew his shaking knees nearer to the chandelier, 
 and, adjusting his nippers, deciphered the contents. 
 
 " Oh — er — I understand ! " he ejaculated, with a snort of
 
 342 ALL FOOLS 
 
 relief, returning the letter to its rightful owner, and closing 
 his pince-nez. " Er — allow me to congratulate you ! " 
 
 " Damn you, sir ! Congratulate me— ME ! Is the man 
 mad?" thundered the irate captain, striking his stick upon 
 the carpet. 
 
 Miss Catherine, sitting upright in her chair, winced at the 
 coarseness of her papa's language, but forbore to reprove 
 him. It was at least a fault on the right side. 
 
 The little old tutor seemed to shrink in his clothes, 
 always too large for him. As he stood there, trembling in 
 the middle of the room, he was the picture of all that is 
 abject and slipshod. 
 
 " But — er — I understood that — in fact, that you approved 
 of the match," he faltered. "Mr. Lee-Stretton — nice, 
 gentlemanly young fellow — assured me that it was the 
 dearest wish of his — er — of his fond parents' hearts, that he 
 should marry this charming — er — charming and accom- 
 plished female. I had no notion that the wedding was — er 
 — was to take place so soon, but I was aware that the nice, 
 gentlemanly young fellow wished — er — in fact, was anxious 
 to take his parents by surprise, that the cup of their happi- 
 ness might, in fact — er — be full to the brim. But I 
 understood — " 
 
 " No, sir ! Really ! This is too much ! " broke in the 
 captain, his cheeks expanding in an incredulous smile. 
 " You would not call my own son a liar to my face, I hope. 
 I say I hope not, sir. We have our faults, we I^ee-Strettons, 
 but there never was a liar or a sneak in the family yet. 
 And you may take my word for it, sir, there never will be." 
 
 Miss Catherine moved in her chair, and her dainty boot 
 began to beat impatiently upon the carpet. She had not 
 that faith in the inherent truthfulness of her brother 
 Douglas, which reddened every pore of her father's face 
 and head. 
 
 *' Er — I'm sure nothing was further away from my
 
 ALL FOOLS 343 
 
 thoughts than to accuse Mr. Lee-Stretton — nice, gentle- 
 manly young fellow — of anything — in fact, of anything like 
 prevarication," murmured the little old man, tugging at his 
 glasses. He shrank from meeting either the angry glance 
 of the father, or the supercilious stare of the daughter, and 
 his eyes were shifty in consequence. 
 
 The outraged parent thundered ! 
 
 " You eat your own words. You are not to be believed, 
 sir. You are — " 
 
 " I think it is time we went back to the hotel, papa," said 
 Miss Catherine, with great suavity. " We will call again 
 after dinner, and see Douglas, if Mr. Thompson will allow 
 us?" 
 
 " Go to the hotel ? " growled the captain. " What do I 
 care about dinner ? " 
 
 He picked up his hat nevertheless, and looked to his 
 daughter for further orders. 
 
 " You will excuse papa, won't you, Mr. Thompson ? " 
 she continued, in honeyed tones. " We are all very much 
 upset; and intensely disgusted at this news of my brother's 
 folly. My father dojs not quite know what he is saying. 
 Do you know anything of this — this creature who has 
 entrapped my brother, may I ask ? " 
 
 " Er— no," faltered Sammy. " No, nothing at all. Mr. 
 Lee-Strelton informed me that — er — that Miss Woodymill 
 had, in fact, been at school with his sister. And — er — he 
 led me to suppose that she was — in fact, that she was a 
 young female of some fortune." 
 
 The captain broke in fiercely : 
 
 "You don't expect me to beUeve that, sir? I'll have 
 you know that my boy is not a Har, whatever you may be." 
 
 " Papa ! " said Miss Catherine ; and all the captain's 
 bravado collapsed at the look she gave him, as a house of 
 cards before a puff of wind. 
 
 The handsome shrew confronted the little tutor, standing,
 
 344 ALL FOOLS 
 
 her hands crossed before her, like some royal lady waiting 
 to be photographed. 
 
 " I'm afraid, Mr. Thompson, that my brother has been 
 deceiving you in this matter," she pursued — the captain's 
 moustache emitted a sound like distant thunder, but she 
 paid no heed ; " please not to tell him of our visit. We 
 shall call again, in the course of the evening, to see him 
 alone. I wish, above all things, to take him unawares. 
 May I ask you not to mention this visit to anyone between 
 now and then ? " 
 
 Mr. Thompson murmured his readiness to do whatever 
 seemed best to Captain and Miss Lee-Stretton. By a 
 violent effort of concentration, he summoned up the 
 presence of mind necessary to the ringing of a bell ; and 
 the visitors departed, leaving the poor little bookworm to 
 sink, a mere heap of clothes and bewilderment, upon the 
 sofa. Mrs. Thompson found him thus, when she returned 
 from her tea-party, but could elicit no further explanation 
 than is contained in these words, almost scriptural in 
 language and metaphor: "That young female has — er — 
 has no bowels of compassion." He was still prostrate 
 when the dinner-bell rang; and bis wife, not wishing to 
 have him a spectacle for the pupils, left him there, sending 
 up some food and a glass of sherry upon a tray. 
 
 His indisposition was the subject of much comment in 
 the class-room afterwards, when Blackstone and Brown 
 Geegee withdrew thither to smoke their pipes. Bunny, 
 moody and unsociable, had gone straight to his bedroom. 
 
 " That Bunny is a dam-evil-rude fellow," remarked Brown 
 Geegee, when the topic of the tutor's illness had been ex- 
 hausted. " I asked him with facetiousness whether he was 
 not very sick from longing for the wedding-day. And he 
 told me 'Shut up,' and likewise ' Go to hell,' as if I was a 
 satan-filthman." 
 
 "Never mind him, Geegee, old chap," said Blackstone.
 
 ALL FOOLS 345 
 
 " He's a bigger fool than I ever thought him. That 
 wedding will never come off, take my word for it." 
 
 Blackstone spoke as one who knew, and there was a note 
 of triumph in his voice. Brown Geegee leered at him 
 cunningly out of the corners of his eyes. 
 
 " And if Bunny does not marry my dear beautiful Miss 
 Woodward, you will, I know. I would not object to marry 
 her myself," said the coloured gentleman, with a knowing 
 grin. " You are a good, friendly fellow, Blackstone, and I 
 love you. I also congratulate you. You will enjoy your- 
 self with her, I feel sure." 
 
 " I'm not quite sure that she'd enjoy herself with me, 
 worse luck ! " muttered Blackstone, veiling his face in a 
 cloud of tobacco-smoke. " If I could only make sure that 
 what Jones said was true, and that there was no mistake — " 
 
 Brown Geegee went on : 
 
 " Do you know, Blackstone, I have often thought myself 
 how nice it would be to marry Miss Woodward. I have 
 often envied Bunny, and I have thought how very devil- 
 greedy he must be to keep so lovely a girl all to his ugly 
 self. She is a nice girl, and besides her figure, which is 
 very beautiful" — Blackstone looked threatening at this 
 point, but his brow cleared as Geegee continued — "she has 
 a mind. She is clever. It is a very pleasant thing to meet 
 a lady who is not loathsome to kiss and yet has a mind. I 
 am sure you will enjoy life with her, my very good 
 friend ! " 
 
 Blackstone seemed lost in contemplation of the ceiling. 
 What he saw there who can tell ? But it was something 
 pleasant, for his lips parted in a rapturous smile — the smile 
 of one who looks through the keyhole of Paradise while 
 waiting for the doors to open. 
 
 " I shall now go upstairs and resume my studies," said 
 Brown Geegee, shuffling across to the mantelpiece to knock 
 out his pipe. " I congratulate you, Blackstone ! I am
 
 34^ ALL FOOLS 
 
 sure that you will enjoy yourself very much. She is, more- 
 over, a very delicious-sugar-girl, and I love her ! " 
 
 Brown Geegee w.ifted a kiss upon his finger-tips to an 
 imaginary Millicent, who was posing for his edification in 
 the corner by the window, and withdrew. Blackstone 
 stayed to finish his pipe, then rose and stretched himself 
 with a yawn. 
 
 " May as well get it over at once," he muttered. " I feel 
 rather a blackguard, but it must be done ! " And he went 
 upstairs, meaning to have some private conversation of an 
 unpleasant nature with Bunny. But, arrived on the top- 
 most landing, he came to a sudden standstill. His first 
 impulse was to run downstairs again three steps at a time, 
 his second to make a dash for his room and lock himself 
 in. There was a female figure, of fashion-plate perfection, 
 standing in the shadow outside Bunny's door, upright and 
 stiff as a sentry on guard. Alarmed by this apparition, 
 Blackstone stood still, his hand on the banisters, doubtful 
 whether to advance or retreat. The figure came forward. 
 
 " Sir Arthur Blackstone, I believe ? " she said, holding 
 out her hand. Her smile was gracious upon him. 
 
 " A deuced fine girl, straight as a lance, but proud as 
 Lucifer ! " was his mental comment. " At your service," 
 he bowed. 
 
 " I am Catherine Lee-Stretton, sister to Douglas, you 
 know," she said, reading the question in his eyes. " I have 
 heard so much about you from my brother that I seem to 
 know you quite well." 
 
 Blackstone inclined his head. It was the least he could 
 do under the circumstances. 
 
 She went on : 
 
 " I'm afraid I startled you. You must have been surprised 
 to sec a girl upon the landing. Papa is talking to Douglas 
 just now, and, as my presence in the room would only have 
 been an embarrassment, I thought it best to wait outside.
 
 ALL FOOLS 347 
 
 We are all so annoyed about this ridiculous affair ! Do you 
 know anything of the creature — Miss Woodward I think 
 she calls herself" — with whom my brother has got entangled ? 
 I suppose she's not within a thousand miles of being a 
 lady ? " 
 
 " She's a very lovely girl — a girl that any man would be 
 proud to marry ! " said Blackstone warmly. " You should 
 see her before judging her, Miss Lee-Stretton." 
 
 She made an impatient gesture. 
 
 " Oh, that's nothing ! You don't answer my question, 
 Sir Arthur ! Of course, men are always taken by a pretty 
 face. But women look deeper. I suppose she thinks that 
 she has done a grand thing for herself in entrapping poor 
 Douglas 1 As for going to call on her — if my brother per- 
 sists in his folly it may be necessary, but I had much rather 
 not. One cannot be too careful to steer clear of such 
 people. But I suppose in the end we shall have to buy 
 her off" 
 
 Blackstone was boiling over vdth indignation. He could 
 not trust himself to speak. 
 
 " The news made my mother quite ill. Directly she got 
 Douglas's letter she went to bed. Is it true, Sir Arthur, that 
 the banns have been asked twice already ? " 
 
 " Twice," he assented. 
 
 " How wicked of him to deceive us all this time ? The 
 lies he has told that poor, shrivelled little Mr. Thompson, 
 too ! It is a good thing, though, that he wrote before it 
 was too late. It makes me shudder to think what sort of a 
 creature he might have brought into the family." 
 
 " Must have lost his head at the last minute," said Black- 
 stone gruffly. " I always understood that he was not going 
 to write to his people until he was safely married." 
 
 "Oh, Sir Arthur, surely you have not encouraged him in 
 this ? But you gentlemen look upon marriage as such a 
 slight, unimportant thing ! You think nothing of helping
 
 348 ALL FOOLS 
 
 a friend to ruin himself, body and soul, by a marriage with 
 some low creature. Surely there are girls enough in your 
 own class of life without going to the slums for a 
 wife ! " 
 
 She leaned towards him as she spoke, and her voice 
 softened. As before said, she was a very handsome girl in 
 her disdainful way. Few young men but would have had 
 their heads turned by her close neighbourhood and the 
 subtle flattery of her confidence. But Blackstone was 
 proof against all such feminine wiles. There was something 
 false in the soft, fawning tone, coming so close upon her 
 bitter, scornful innuendoes against Millicent. There was 
 something catlike in the bend of her figure, as she leaned 
 forward, her large grey eyes intent upon his face. He was 
 a baronet, with a large rent-roll — a right toothsome mouse, 
 well worth the worrying. 
 
 " I'm sorry you've taken such a dislike to Miss Wood- 
 ward," he said, retreating slowly towards his own bedroom. 
 " She is quite the most ladylike girl I know. She does not 
 live in a slum, although I believe her people nre not very 
 well off. Good-evening." 
 
 He slipped into his room, and noiselessly locked the 
 door behind him, leaving Miss Catherine alone to elaborate 
 her designs upon his freedom. 
 
 " What a terror of a girl ! " he muttered, throwing himself 
 upon the bed. "The chap she marries won't be able to 
 call his soul his own, not to mention his baccy and his 
 collars and his ties ! " 
 
 Having recovered a little from his perturbation, he got up 
 to light a candle. An angry voice in the next room caught 
 his ear. 
 
 " Poor Bunny ! " he thought. " In for a warm 
 time of it with the old boy ! What an ass he was 
 to write ! " 
 
 He had no wish to overhear the dialogue. But the
 
 ALL FOOLS 349 
 
 wrathful captain was speaking in a loud voice, and the words 
 forced themselves upon Blackstone's ear. 
 
 " Is she fit company for your sister ? Answer me that, 
 my lad. Would you like to introduce her to your mother ? 
 Yes, you're of age. I know that. But am I to let you ruin 
 yourself and disgrace your family just because you happen 
 to have been twenty-one years in the world ? . . . Damme, 
 sir ! she made a liar of you — made a liar of a Lee-Stretton ! 
 Isn't that proof enough of what she is ? " 
 
 A moaning, inarticulate protest was audible through the 
 wall. 
 
 *' Don't pretend to me that it was all your fault ! You 
 were open as the day before you fell in with her I always 
 said that I could trust my son to tell the truth, even when 
 he knew it would entail a thrashing. You have been 
 corrupted, my lad — corrupted ! Your moral nature has 
 been tampered with. Would you bring a woman like that 
 into the family ? Is a painted, grimacing, bold-faced 
 hussy a fit companion for a modest, pure-minded girl, like 
 your sister Catherine ? " 
 
 Blackstone thought of her behaviour upon the landing, 
 and compared it with Millicent's confusion upon a like 
 occasion. He grinned. 
 
 " No, sir, I won't hear a word ! The girl or your family 
 — I give you the choice. Not one penny will you have 
 from me if you persist in disgracing us all ! You will have 
 to support yourself and her and a dozen squalling, under- 
 bred brats upon the wretched pittance that your uncle left 
 you. Your children may go to the board-school, your wife 
 may take in washing, for aught I shall do to prevent it. 
 Think it over, my lad 1 Think it over ! I shall call again 
 to-morrow, and Katie shall talk to you." 
 
 Blackstone heard a door shut, and the sound of thick 
 boots stumping heavily across the landing and down the 
 stairs, almost drowning, in the noise they made, a dainty
 
 350 ALL FOOLS 
 
 feminine footfall, no less resolute. The banisters creaked 
 for a while, and then all was silent, save for a fitful, groan- 
 ing sound which came from Bunny's room. 
 
 " Poor chap," thought Blackstone, unlocking the door ; 
 " he's had about enough for one day. Perhaps he'll be re- 
 lieved to hear what I've got to say. It'll put an end to all 
 the bother with his people, anyhow ! " He paused on the 
 threshold to look at his watch. " Only a quarter-past nine," 
 he muttered. " I thought it was much later." 
 
 He walked down the passage to Bunny's door, and after 
 a moment's hesitation turned the handle and went in. A 
 candle was burning upon a table at the foot of the bed, amid 
 a disorderly litter of books and papers. Upon the bed 
 itself lay Bunny, face downwards, his head buried in his 
 arms — a picture of misery and dejection. He paid no 
 heed to Blackstone. The slight noise made in opening the 
 door failed to reach his ears, muffled as they were. 
 
 " I wish I'd never met her ! " he moaned. " I say it's too 
 bad, you know ! It's beastly ! . . . She's a dear little girl, 
 but I'm blowed if she's worth all this ! . . . Confound her ! 
 Wish I'd never met her ! ... If only someone would per- 
 suade her to jilt me ! " 
 
 Blackstone waited to hear no more. The purpose of his 
 visit was forestalled. Closing the door softly he stole back 
 to his own room, blew out the candle, ran downstairs, and 
 took his hat and stick from a stand in the hall. 
 
 "There's time," he thought, again consulting his watch — 
 "just time enough, if I make haste !" And he passed out 
 into the murky, lighted street.
 
 CHAPTER XXXI. 
 
 OF THE MOON AND OTHERS, WITH A FULL ACCOUNT OF 
 ALL THE CIRCUMSTANCES ATTENDING THE BREAKAGE 
 OF A SUBURBAN HALL-LAMP. 
 
 The driver of a hansom cab was giving his horse an easy 
 time of it among the by-streets. He sat upon his perch 
 smoking a pipe, his face aglow with content and beer. 
 What wonder that he was happy ? He was a philosopher, 
 and, hailing from Fulham way, he had a pouchful of 
 Twinkler's blend in his pocket. What cared he that the 
 streets were deserted, that gentlemen seemed to prefer the 
 comforts of home to a drive to a music-hall in a hansom, 
 that there was no sound of a whistle in all the wilderness 
 of stucco that lay, grey and mystic, studded with points of 
 yellow light, under the big round moon ? What cared he 
 that his horse was stumbling along, half-asleep, and had 
 been doing the like ever since seven o'clock, save for half 
 an hour on a cabstand, spent in a fruitless tussle with a 
 nosebag ? 
 
 The fumes of the blend were about him, shrouding him 
 from care. The moon — nearing the full — winked at him 
 through the smoke-wreaths with a jovial and friendly leer. 
 Had Twinkler or Jones been there to see, what a picture 
 for an advertisement ! 
 
 Of a sudden he started, as if he had been shot. The 
 door of a corner-house, sending forth a transitory yellow 
 glow, closed with a slam, and a gentleman of heroic build 
 ran down the steps shouting, " Hansom ! " 
 
 351
 
 352 ALL FOOLS 
 
 The driver stared round him for a moment in bewilder- 
 ment. Then he knocked out his pipe, cast one farewell 
 look at the friendly moon, flicked his horse with the whip, 
 and drew up alongside the kerb. 
 
 "Drive to 15 St. Christopher Avenue, for your life!" 
 cried the gentleman, evidently under the influence of some 
 strong excitement — likely alcohol. 
 " Where's that, sir ? " 
 
 " \Ve;-t Kensington. Drive down the Hammersmith 
 Road, fourth turning on the left, after Addison Road Bridge ! 
 I'll show you after that." 
 The driver said moodily : 
 " It's outside the radius ! " 
 
 " Hang the radius ! " exclaimed the gentleman fiercely. 
 " I'll give you a sovereign, if you do it under a quarter of 
 an hour ! " 
 
 Farewell, Nirvana ! To the winds with you, ye fumes of 
 bliss ! Adieu, thou big, round moon ! Thou art but an 
 old, used-out sphere, two hundred thousand miles away. 
 Thou givest but a sorry, silvern light, for all thy size. There 
 is a small, round sovereign waiting but a few streets off" that 
 is worth thee and thy light-giver and all the stars of heaven 
 put together. 
 
 The lash fell with a smart swish. The startled horse 
 sprang forward, paused a moment — doubtful — to look round, 
 and then, stung to frenzy, broke into a mad gallop. Still 
 the lash fell, with its sling of ten thousand wasps, and still 
 the frightened horse strove to mend its speed. Away they 
 went like the wind ! Round sharp corners, where the 
 wheel grazed the kerb ; down quiet streets, where the 
 stuccoed portals of respectability frowned at them, as a 
 stately footman at a runaway ring, where all the echoes 
 awoke to mock and gibber at ihem as they dashed by ; out 
 into the high road, where lamps were brighter and men on 
 omnibuses jeered them on to fresh exertions. Policemen
 
 ALL FOOLS 353 
 
 shouted angrily after them, street-boys cried, " Hurrah ! " 
 men came stumbhng out of pubHc-houses to watch their 
 mad career. 
 
 The gentleman waved his stick. There was a sharp 
 turn to the left. The wheel grated on a pavement, witii a 
 noise to set the teeth on edge. The cab swayed, and a 
 lamp flashed its light full in the occupant's face. Then 
 they were in the by-streets, where the few lamps shone dead 
 ' in the moonlight, and the startled echoes, like monkeys, 
 mimicked the clatter of their going. 
 
 Again the gentleman waved his stick. Again the horse 
 swerved, the wheel rasped the kerb, the cab jolted and 
 swayed as it turned the corner. Again the whirl through 
 moonlight and shadow of a deserted street, and the silence 
 made clamorous by a rattle and a clatter. Then the stick 
 was raised perpendicular, and the gentleman cried, "Stop !" 
 The horse was pulled up, smoking and quivering, upon its 
 haunches. 
 
 " How's that, governor?" asked the quondam philosopher, 
 with an anxious grin, as he mopped the perspiration from 
 his forehead. 
 
 '•' First-rate ! Twelve minutes and a half ! Here you 
 are ! " 
 
 The cabman clutched his sovereign, smiled ecstatically, 
 stowed it away in a safe pocket, and proceeded to fill his 
 pipe. 
 
 Sir Arthur Blackstone raised the latch of the iron gate, 
 walked up the strip of tesselated pavement, and awoke the 
 echoes, but newly lulled to sleep, by a thunderous knock 
 upon the door. 
 
 *' Is Miss Woodward at home ? " 
 
 " Yessir. Miss Milly's at 'ome, but— " 
 
 With questionable politeness, Blackstone thrust the maid- 
 of-all-work aside and made for the dining-room door. He 
 received a stunning blow upon the head. There was a 
 
 z
 
 354 ^LL FOOLS 
 
 crash, a clattering shower of broken glass. vSomething, 
 with a touch of cold iron, swung like a pendulum in the 
 air, returning to smite him at intervals. The hall-lamp, 
 weird relic of the Middle Ages, guardian fetish of the house 
 of Woodward, was smashed to atoms. Only the iron frame- 
 work, with a few jagged splinters of stained glass still 
 adhering to it, swung desolate in the air, its flame shining 
 as a light in the jaws of a skeleton, returning from time to 
 time to deal a vicious blow at the head of the sacrilegious 
 one. 
 
 The maidof-all-work screamed aloud. There was a dis- 
 tant and answering shriek from Mrs. Woodward's bedroom. 
 The dining-room door was opened hastily, and Percy looked 
 out. At the same time a girl came running lightly down- 
 stairs. 
 
 Blackstone's heart beat fast and his face reddened, but 
 it was only Miss Rose Langley. Jane slipped past him, 
 and fled to the kitchen for her life. She had a superstition 
 with reference to the breaking of glass, especially stained 
 glass. Someone was sure to die, she thought sadly, her 
 head upon her hands. And the chances are that she was 
 right, considering the population of the world, and all the 
 ills that flesh is heir to. 
 
 *' Sir Arthur ! This is an honour ! " said Percy Wood- 
 ward, rubbing his hands. He glanced ruefully at the 
 skeleton of the lamp and the litter of broken glass upon the 
 oil-cloth. " Come in ; pray, come in ! Don't you worry 
 yourself about the lamp ! ' Such accidents zvill happen,' 
 as the poet jocosely puts it. Hope you haven't hurt your- 
 self, though ? " 
 
 " I'll pay for the breakage — you must let me ! " faltered 
 Blackstone, rubbing his forehead. " Stupid of me to forget. 
 But — can I see Miss Woodward ? " 
 Percy seemed embarrassed.
 
 ALL FOOLS 355 
 
 "Well — er — the fact is — I hardly tiiink so; because — 
 you see — " 
 
 " Let me explain ! " broke in Rose Langley, coming for- 
 ward and holding out her hand. " Good evening, Sir 
 Arthur ! Milly has been very ill since she came home from 
 church yesterday. She's in bed at the present moment." 
 
 There was a strange light in Blackstone's eyes. 
 
 "Would you mind my speaking to you alone a minute, 
 Miss Langley ? You'll excuse me, won't you. Woodward ? 
 What I have to say is important — a matter of life and 
 death, I may say." 
 
 Percy felt bound to say : " Don't mention it, Sir Arthur ! " 
 
 Very reluctantly he closed the dining-room door, keeping 
 close to it, in the hope of catching the gist of their conver- 
 sation. But in this he was disappointed, for both spoke in 
 whispers. 
 
 At length he heard Rose say : 
 
 " Come up and see her ! " 
 
 "Perhaps I'd better not; she mightn't like it, you know," 
 was the faltering and half-hearted protest. 
 
 " I think the sight of you will do her all the good in the 
 world. Besides, I should like her to hear the news from 
 your own lips ; otherwise she might think I'd invented it." 
 
 Rose spake exultingly. Percy would have given worlds 
 to know what the news was which pleased her so. 
 
 Blackstone said eagerly : " You're sure she won't mind ? " 
 
 " Mind indeed ! What an idea ! It's the best medicine 
 she can have. Come along ! " 
 
 Percy heard them go upstairs. He listened intently, 
 half expecting them to stop on the first landing, at his 
 mother's door ; but the banisters still creaked. The 
 heavy tread of a baronet's feet still continued to ascend. 
 
 " Well, I'm blowed ! " he said, dashing out into the pas- 
 sage, and trampling on the debris of the lamp without the 
 least compunction or respect. " Pretty fair cheek of Miss
 
 356 ALL FOOLS 
 
 Rose, to go taking Sir Arthur Blackstone up to Mil's bed- 
 room without asking my leave ! At this time of night, too ! 
 She ought to be ashamed of herself ! What 'd my future 
 brother-in law, Lee-Stretton, say to it, I should like to 
 know ? " He passed his fingers through his hair dis- 
 tractedly. " ' Alack-a-day 1 ' as the poet says. It's enough 
 to make a fellow's blood boil, to be slighted and shoved 
 aside like this ! He's smashed the hall-lamp — a pretty 
 penny it'll cost to put to rights ! And as if that wasn't 
 enough, he must add insult to injury by getting round Rose 
 to take him up to Mil's bedroom. It's disgraceful ! " 
 
 He strode to and fro at the foot of the stairs, ruffling up 
 his hair, tugging at his moustache, biting his lip. and giving 
 other signs of a mind disordered by a sense of wrong. But 
 by degrees he grew calmer. After all. Sir Arthur was a 
 baronet, he reflected, and a baronet's conduct must not be 
 judged by the common standard. Besides, it seemed 
 likely that he was charged with a message for Millicent 
 from Lee-Stretton — something about hurrying on the wed- 
 ding, he supposed, judging from Rose Langley's exultant 
 tone and assurance that the tidings would be the best of 
 medicine for her friend. 
 
 Having come to this soothing conclusion, Percy abated 
 the fierceness of his stride, and fell to rubbing his hands 
 together with stealthy satisfaction. 
 
 " Wonderful the attraction these swells seem to find in 
 my sister Mil ! " he thought. " Why, here's a bart. dancing 
 attendance on her as if she were Queen of England and 
 Empress of India — not to mention London and the Isle of 
 Wight — and playing the go-between for her and her dashing 
 young lover, as if he was a pampered menial instead of a 
 bart, in his own right. It's a compliment to us Wood- 
 wards, blowed if it isn't ! " 
 
 He felt inches taller at the thought, and his lion's prowl 
 degenerated to a peacock's strut. The smashing of the
 
 ALL FOOLS 357 
 
 hall lamp, with the costly repairs it would entail, became a 
 pleasing memory. He would tell his colleagues at the bank 
 how that " My friend, Sir Arthur Blackstone, Bart., came 
 dashing into our hall and smashed a valuable lamp to 
 smithereens, didn't even see the thing till he'd gone and 
 done it, he was in such a hurry to tell me some news about 
 the Honourable Miss Thingemybob, a mutual friend, in 
 whom I take a more than friendly interest." 
 
 There was a romance in embryo. His brain would be 
 delivered of it, full-grown, in the morning. He hugged 
 himself as he thought of the jealousy this little fiction would 
 cause among his sober, middle-class comrades of the desk 
 and counter. 
 
 A sound of the opening and shutting of a door at the 
 top of the house, followed closely by the creaking of stair- 
 case and banister beneath the strain of some unusual 
 weight, brought his reverie to an abrupt end. Sir Arthur 
 Blackstone was coming downstairs. Immediately it oc- 
 curred to Percy that his presence at the stairfoot called for 
 explanation, and, glancing round, his eyes fell upon the 
 litter of broken glass. 
 
 " Jane ! " he shouted. 
 
 There came a faint response from some limbo under- 
 ground. 
 
 " Jane, come and clean up this mess of glass ! It ought 
 to have been done at once ! What will Sir Arthur Black- 
 stone think of you ? " 
 
 A sound of bustle and confusion arose, showing 
 that a bart.'s name had power of conjuration in the 
 underworld. 
 
 "Well, Sir Arthur?" said Percy, rubbing his hands as 
 the visitor came in sight. " I just ran out to tell that lazy 
 slut of ours to sweep up the glass. I'm sure my mother 
 was pleased to see you ? " 
 
 " Haven't seen her," said Blackstone cheerily. " I've
 
 358 ALL FOOLS 
 
 been with your sister. S/ie was pleased to see me, I'm 
 glad to say ! " 
 
 "If Rose 'd only let me know you wanted to go up, Sir 
 Arthur, I'd've gone up with you and made it quite proper. 
 She's a nice girl, is Rose, and, to tell you the truth, I havj 
 some designs upon her myself. But she's young, and a bit 
 wild at times, and — between ourselves — she has not always 
 that strict regard for the proprieties which is the * sine qua 
 11071 ' — as the classic poet so humorously puts it — of polite 
 society." 
 
 Blackstone laughed. 
 
 " We got on very well without you, Woodward. I'm 
 afraid you'd have found yourself rather in the way. I say, 
 I'm' awfully sorry about that lamp. Thai's my affair, re- 
 member ! Good-night ! " 
 
 " But, Sir Arthur, surely you'll come in and smoke a 
 friendly pipe of Jones --the mixture, I mean, not the man 
 — ^just for old sake's sake ? " 
 
 "Afraid I can't stay, thanks." Blackstone made a de- 
 cided move towards the door, taking care to avoid the iron 
 skeleton of the lamp in parsing. " Good-night ! " 
 
 " May I ask, is there any news from my future brother- 
 in-law ? " Percy leaned forward with an inquisitive face as 
 he held open the door. " I thought, perhaps, you had 
 brought a message from him to Mil ! " 
 
 " Yes, a message — something of that sort," said Black- 
 stone vaguely ; and he made haste to put the iron gate be- 
 tween himself and further questions. 
 
 Percy closed the door, staring with a vacant intensity of 
 wonder at Jane, who was busy, upon her hands and knees, 
 brushing the splinters of broken glass into a dustpan. 
 
 " Wei], I'm blowed ! " he thought. " Never saw a chnp 
 look so happy in all my life. Why, such happiness is down- 
 right offensive. It's an in-.ult to suffering humanity, that's 
 what it is ! I declare, if I were two streets away, and he
 
 ALL FOOLS * 359 
 
 was coming towards me, I should say to myself : There's a 
 happy chap coming along ! I'll hit him if he's not too big. 
 Why, to see him to-night, anyone 'd think that he was going 
 to be married, not his friend. Such a show of happiness 
 is more like a bargee than a bart. ! " 
 
 Then a horrible suspicion flashed upon his brain. Sir 
 Arthur had proposed to Rose Langley and had been 
 accepted ! 
 
 " Have a care, have a care ! I will brook no rival, not 
 even a bart. ! " he muttered, frowning and shaking his fist at 
 the unlucky maid-of-all-work, whom, it is supposed, he mis- 
 took for Sir Arthur ; whereupon Jane, with a suppressed 
 scream, gathered up her dustpan, brush, and apron into a 
 compact bundle and fied, leaving Percy master of the 
 situation, such as it was. 
 
 His worst suspicions seemed confirmed, when Rose 
 appeared in her hat and cape, with a face hardly less 
 beaming than Sir Arthur's had been. Percy stood, silent 
 and immovable, with folded arms, glowering upon her 
 reproachfully. 
 
 "Will you take me home, please, Mr. Woodward?" she 
 murmured, looking up archly from the glove she was 
 buttoning. 
 
 " No, I won't," said Percy abruptly — "not after what has 
 happened ! " 
 
 Rose stared at him in cold amazement. "What do you 
 mean ? " she asked. " Why are you so rude all of a 
 sudden ? " 
 
 "What— did— Sir— Arthur— Blackstone— Bart. — say— to 
 you ? " said Percy very slowly and deliberately, with a 
 threatening nod of his head at almost every word. " Tell 
 me that ! " 
 
 She burst out laughing, as his meaning dawned upon 
 her, and replied : 
 
 " He s^id vcrv little to me. He talked a lot to Milly,
 
 360 " ALL FOOLS 
 
 but it was all in whispers, so I can't tell you what he 
 said." 
 
 Percy's brows relaxed. "Will you lake your dying oath 
 that Sir Arthur did not propose to you ? " 
 
 Rose pouted, feigning a struggle with her glove-button. 
 "Of course he didn't, you silly boy ! If he had, I should 
 certainly have accepted him — so there ! Now, will you take 
 me home? " 
 
 Percy would and did, and such was the force of the 
 reaction from his late suspicion, and such the soft influence 
 of that moonlight walk, that he proposed to her himself, 
 and was accepted before he wished her good-night at the 
 gate of her aunt's house at Campden Hill. 
 
 As for Blackstone, he wandered through the streets until 
 long after midnight, gazing up at the moon, with a great 
 gladness at his heart. Astronomers relate that a peculiar 
 redness was observed upon the moon's face that night, 
 which they are at a loss to explain, regarding the moon as 
 a lifeless sphere, whose fires were burnt out ages ago. But, 
 as the journalists say, " we have much pleasure in stating " 
 that there is some vestige of maiden modesty still to be 
 found in the Queen of Night ; that, although it is her 
 misfortune on many nights in the year to be obliged to look 
 down upon the streets of London, the spirit of Diana is 
 dormant, not dead within her. Undoubtedly she blushed 
 under the constant and impassioned gaze of Sir Arthur 
 Blackstone, and old memories of Mount Latmos stirred the 
 sluggish pulses of her being. But Blackstone, all un- 
 conscious of the flutter he was causing up there, walked on, 
 revolving in his mind all manner of happy plans for the 
 future. He had vowed himself to another and a warmer 
 than Selene. At length his thoughts, tired from a long 
 flight in some iris-hued, ethereal region, fell to earth once 
 more, and he stopped by a lamp-post to look at his watch. 
 
 " Half-past two," he muttered. " By Jove ! I must be
 
 ALL FOOLS 361 
 
 getting back, if I mean to be up in anything like decent 
 time to-morrow morning. Where am I, I wonder?" 
 
 At the next street corner he met a policeman, who kindly 
 informed him as to his whereabouts. 
 
 " This is St. John's Wood, sir ! You've got a long way 
 to go to Kensington. You'd better get a bed for the night 
 somewhere about 'ere." 
 
 But, rejecting this advice, Blackstone set out to walk. 
 No amount of exercise could tire him that night. Besides, 
 he was in no hurry to return to his bed at Sammy's, with 
 Bunny moaning in the next room, each moan a kind of 
 back-handed stab at himself. 
 
 "Wish I knew where to go for a special licence," he 
 mused, as he strode along. " I'll go and ask my lawyer in 
 the morning. He'll want to know why, and will very likely 
 remonstrate with me. Best take Geegee along with me to 
 back me up. I suppose it'll take a couple of days at least. 
 If MiUicent has the banns stopped at both churches, it 
 ought to be regular enough. But I can't see why there 
 should be such a deuce of a fuss about a man and a girl 
 getting married ! " 
 
 Before he reached home a happy thought came to him. 
 
 " What a fool I am ! " He stopped to smite some area- 
 raiHngs with his stick. " No need of a lawyer ! I can find 
 all I want in Whitaker. Anyhow, I'll take Geegee with 
 me. He's a useful little chap. He'll swear to pretty well 
 anything, and he can bear witness to my moral character, if 
 anything of the sort's needed. It mostly is in Government 
 concerns — exams, and all that ! Hang it all ! The Govern- 
 ment's a regular old woman for inquisitiveness." 
 
 The moon had disappeared behind the westward chimney- 
 pots by the time his latchkey turned in the keyhole of Mr. 
 Samuel Thompson's door. There was already a freshness in 
 the air, fore-runner of the dawn. He took off his boots in 
 the hall and crept stealthily up to bed. At Bunny's door
 
 362 ALL FOOLS 
 
 he paused to listen, but the sound of a mighty snoring re- 
 assured him. 
 
 "He's all right," he thought with relief. "But I feel, 
 somehow, as if I hadn't played quite fair with him. Ought 
 to have told him before I went out 1 " 
 
 But these cjualms of conscience were but short-lived. By 
 the time he laid head to pillow, he was conscious of nothing 
 but a fulness of love and longing, which was joy and pain at 
 once. His dreams that night were a queer jumble of Miss 
 Catherine and Brown Geegee, of Rose I.angley, Percy and 
 Bunny, of a hall-lamp, a hansom, and a special license, of 
 Millicent and the moon. But Millicent and the moon, 
 becoming confused in his brain, bathed all this phantas- 
 magoria in a mystic light of hope and love ineffable.
 
 CHAPTER XXXII. 
 
 IN WHICH ARE DESCRIBED A NUMBER OF CIRCUMSTANCES 
 FROM THE SUFFERINGS OF A MODERN PROMETHEUS TO 
 THE HEARTY FAREWELL OF AN INDIAN GENTLEMAN. 
 
 If it be true that there is nothing half so sweet in life as 
 Love's young dream, there is surely nothing one-half so 
 bitter as a rough and premature awakening from its ecstasy. 
 There was something Promethean in the torture which 
 Bunny was made to suffer at the hands of his father and 
 sister. After that first evening Captain Lee-Stretton played 
 the part of Zeus, keeping in the background, and sending 
 his eagle in the pleasing shape of Miss Catherine — how 
 sharp her beak Bunny knew to his cost — to peck away her 
 brothel's obstinacy. There was something of the Titan 
 also in Bunny's dogged persistence, in the fact that his 
 courage, almost torn to shreds overnight, was renewed in the 
 morning, making it necessary for Miss Catherine to begin 
 the work again almost from th^; beginning. 
 
 But the constant dropping of water will wear away a 
 stone, and Bunny was aware that his love for Millicent 
 could not long withstand the virulent attacks of his sister's 
 tongue. Nothing but native obstinacy, added to a sense of 
 injustice and unlawful oppression, enabled him to hold out 
 so far against the alternate reproaches and blandishments 
 with which he was assailed. He was of age, and therefore 
 free to act for himself. From the hour of his proposal to 
 Millicent he had looked forward to that twenty-first birth- 
 day, as a slave to his day of emancipation. On that day he 
 
 363
 
 364 ALL FOOLS 
 
 was to burst the bonds and swaddling clothes of infancy for 
 ever, was to do whatever pleased him without fear of 
 reproof, was to slap his father on the back, and hail him 
 fellow-man. 
 
 Like the old lady who allowed herself to be prepared for 
 confirmation in the belief that it would cure her rheumatics. 
 Bunny was inclined to regard his coming of age as a fraud, 
 because no miracle had talcen place. Where was the good 
 of being twenty-one, of being a man in the law's eye, if he 
 was still to quail before his father's frown, to writhe and 
 wince under the stinging lash of his sister's tongue ? There- 
 fore, smarting as he was under a double sense of injury, he 
 steeled himself to a long resistance. He would hold out 
 for a day or two, just to let his tormentors know that he 
 was not to be intimidated ; and then, when they began to 
 despair of victory, he would come to some honourable 
 compromise, would find some postern of not inglorious 
 retreat. ' 
 
 His father and sister told him that Millicent was not his 
 equal, that, coming into hourly contact with her vulgarity of 
 thought and speech, he would grow in time to despise and 
 loathe her. Though he had never noticed any vulgarity in 
 Millicent herself. Bunny could not forget that Percy was 
 her brother, and, deep down in his heart, he agreed with 
 much that they said upon this point. 
 
 " She's a dear little girl," he thought, with an inward 
 groan. " But it would be beastly to have to introduce that 
 fellow to one's friends, and have him smirking and rubbing 
 his hands in one's drawing-room. A girl brought up among 
 such people can't be expected to sympathise with the feel- 
 ings of a gentleman. Quite a different class of mind, you 
 know. I was a fool ever to think of it ! " 
 
 Yet, although his love for Millicent was rapidly paling 
 before the knowledge of his own superiority, so deftly thrust 
 upon him by sister Katie, he got very red and angry when
 
 ALL FOOLS 365 
 
 the latter picked U[) a photograph of his sometime divinity, 
 and began criticising it in her contemptuous way. 
 
 He said, " She's deuced pretty, anyhow ! — a jolly sight 
 prettier than you or any of your namby-pamby friends I " 
 
 " Oh, yes, she's pretty enough in her vulgar way ! " Miss 
 Catherine's face was fastidious with a sneer. " But really, 
 Douglas, I cannot understand your infatuation ! You, who 
 will be able to choose among the refined beauties of your 
 own class, to go and throw yourself away upon a little vulgar, 
 barmaid creature, just because she happens to have a pretty 
 face and a lot of hair. I'm surprised at you ! I really 
 thought my brother would have had more sense, or at least 
 a little too much pride to lower himself in that way ! " 
 
 Bunny could find no answer to this. The picture of him- 
 self, as Sultan, throwing a handkerchief to be scrambled for 
 by " the refined beauties of his own class," was pleasing. 
 Still, some years must elapse before he would be in the 
 position to throw a handkerchief worth the scrambling, and 
 in the meantime Millicent would have been delightful. She 
 was so terribly in love with him, too, poor girl ! She might 
 commit suicide were he to throw her over ! The news must 
 be broken to her very gently. He could pretend at first 
 that he was only postponing the marriage for a year or two, 
 and lead up gradually to the truth. But even when he had 
 come to this conclusion, the thought of her beauty, the 
 memory of her touch, would set him thrilling. For a 
 moment; with teeth clenched and fist?;, he would resolve to 
 go through with the marriage, come what might. But, like 
 April sunshine, the mood was gone, and the cloud of his 
 parents' displeasure shadowed him once more. 
 
 Shrinking from the questions which the other pupils 
 were sure to ask if he ventured into the class-room, he 
 spent all Tuesday in his own little room at the top of the 
 house, harassed by visits from his father and sister. Only 
 at meal-times did he come in contact with the rest of the
 
 366 ALL FOOLS 
 
 household, and then he was too much engrossed in his 
 own sombre train of thought to remark the strange embar- 
 rassment of Blackstone, the gleeful grimaces of the coloured 
 gentleman, or the reproachful glance which Sammy cast at 
 him from time to time. 
 
 There was something threatening and unsettled in the 
 very atmosphere of the house. Even the servants were 
 affected by it, and the cook, a lachrymose lady of weak 
 nerves, was forced to have frequent recourse to the brandy 
 bottle. The little old tutor, in whose foggy brain Captain 
 Lee-Stretton's insults still rankled, was restless and irritable. 
 The even tenor of his life had been disturbed ; and he 
 trotted about the house, snorting and sniffing uneasily, in 
 search of some outlet for his ill-humour. His voice, usually 
 timid and hesitating, had a rasping sound, as of a door 
 opening upon rusty hinges. He found no rest even among 
 the musty, well-loved volumes of his study, whither he 
 retired in haste whenever Captain Lee-Stretton's step 
 sounded in the house, leaving his wife to bear the brunt of 
 that gentleman's ferocity. Only in the class-room did his 
 ill-humour find convenient and legitimate vent. To have 
 heard him there, on Tuesday or Wednesday morning, 
 one would have thought that all the " nice, gentlemanly 
 young fellows," who were wont to work in that room, had 
 been spirited away, and a pack of unmannerly, ill-con- 
 ditioned street roughs had appeared in their place. The 
 eccentric behaviour of Blackstone and Brown Geegee, who 
 for some unknown reason had taken it into their heads to 
 be absent, except at meal-times, was an additional grievance. 
 
 What with her husband's peevish unrest and the frequent 
 presence of a strange lady and gentleman in the house, 
 Mrs. Thompson was at her wits' end. A whole day passed, 
 and Bunny gave no sign of yielding. Wednesday came ; 
 and with it, about ten o'clock. Captain and Miss Lee- 
 Stretton reappeared upon the scene. Again Blackstone
 
 ALL FOOLS 367 
 
 and Brown Geegee went out directly after breakfast on 
 some mysterious errand ; and again the pupils were alarmed 
 by the irritability of thtir tutor, which was quite without 
 precedent in all the annals of the class-room. \Vork being 
 over for the morning, Sammy was climbing the stairs to his 
 study, not without much puffing, snorting, and sniffing, 
 when his wife confronted him. 
 " Samuel ! " 
 
 "Yes — er — what is it?" snorted the tutor, with brows 
 knit. 
 
 " Captain Lee Stretton wishes you to join him in the 
 drawing-room, my dear. I'm afraid something dreadful is 
 going to happen. Do, pray, put in a kind word for thnt 
 poor boy, if you can. They are really too hard upon him." 
 •' Er — poor boy," muttered Sammy, with an outraged 
 sniff. " He — er — he has no bowels of compassion, I 
 tell you, Susan." 
 
 He trotted across the landing and opened the drawing- 
 room door. Bunny was sitting, the picture of dejection, 
 upon the sofa, his sister beside him. The captain sat in an 
 arm-chair confronting him with a judicial air. Sammy had 
 a misty notion that his pupil had been arrested by that 
 charming lady-constable. Miss Catherine, and brought 
 before his father for judgment. 
 
 "Er— howdo you do?" he said, shuffling towards the 
 arm-chair, with outstretched hand. 
 
 " Good-day to you, sir," said the captain, rising to glare 
 defiance at the trembling little man. "I hope you are 
 well ? " 
 
 Sammy murmured something about a " headache " and 
 " anxiety," but his remarks were set aside by an impatient 
 gesture. 
 
 " I requested your presence, Mr. Thompson, that you 
 might help me to persuade this misguided boy of mine to 
 break loose from the low woman who has entrapped him."
 
 368 ALL FOOLS 
 
 "Is Sir Arthur Blackstone at home, Mr. Thompson?" 
 asked Miss Catherine, a soft light in her grey eyes. 
 " Doiiglas thinks so much of him, I know. And I'm sure 
 such a really nice man would add his voice to ours to save 
 my brother from ruin." 
 
 "Er — I regret to say that — er — in fact, the nice, gentle- 
 manly young fellow has gone out,''" said Sammy, fingering 
 his glasses uneasily. 
 
 The captain waxed impatient. "Never mind him. 
 The question is this, sir : What do you think of my son's 
 behaviour? Speak to him. Tell him that he is ruining 
 himself, body and soul." 
 
 Sammy gave utterance to a low, murmuring sound, from 
 which the words " nice, gentlemanly young fellow " alone 
 detached themselves. 
 
 " There, sir, you hear that ? " cried the captain, turning 
 in triumph to Bunny. " Ruining yourself body and soul ! 
 I told you so." 
 
 Bunny gave a grunt of dissatisfaction. 
 
 " I say, you know ! you and Katie have no earthly right 
 to bully me like this," he blurted. " I'm twenty-one, and I 
 can do as I like without asking your leave, or anybody 
 else's, I suppose." 
 
 Miss Catherine looked unutterable reproach. " Oh, 
 Douglas ! For shame, to speak to papa like that." 
 
 "You're twenty-one, are you, sir? Well, I'll have you 
 know that I'm sixty-one," said the captain, his wrath 
 boiUng over. " I'll stand none of your impudence, my lad. 
 You can do as you please, can't you ? You're of age, you 
 whippersnapper. Go along with you. Do as you please. 
 I wash my hands of you from this minute. Go and marry 
 your twopenny-halfpenny barmaid, sir, or whatever she is. 
 I wish you joy of her. But don't you come bothering me 
 for money. Not one penny of mine shall you have. I'll
 
 ALL FOOLS 369 
 
 not have my money squandered upon a low woman. Do 
 as you please, sir — it's no affair ot" mine." 
 
 Captain Lee-Stretton stood, with folded arms, confronting 
 his son ; and his smile was frightful to witnes:^. 
 
 " But — er — if I may presume to suggest — in fact — er — 
 nice, gentlemanly young fellow," murmured Sammy, wring- 
 ing his hands. 
 
 The captain turned upon him. "No, sir ; you may not 
 presume to suggest ! Yes, sir, you are right ! He tvas a 
 nice, gentlemanly young fellow when he first came to this 
 house of yours — this sink of iniquity, where, by an insidious 
 process of contamination, he has become what you see him 
 now — a dissolute rascal, and a liar into the bargain ! " 
 
 He indicated his dejected son by a flourish of his walking- 
 stick. 
 
 " Papa ! " said Miss Catherine warningly. 
 
 " No, Katie, I have kept silence too long. I must give 
 Mr. Thompson a piece of my mind or — or burst. Look 
 here, you sir ! This wretched business is all your fault ! " 
 
 " My — er — fault ? " murmured the little old tutor, trem- 
 bling in every limb. " My — er — fault ? " 
 
 "Yes, sir — your fault ! " thundered the captain, bringing 
 his stick down upon the carpet for emphasis. "You call 
 yourself a tutor. You profess to keep an establishment 
 where 'young men enjoy the combined advantages of a 
 refined home and the best tuition ' — I quote your advertise- 
 ment, sir. Your charges could not be more exorbitant if 
 your house were in Heaven instead of in London. Here 
 have I been paying at the rate of more than three hundred 
 a year for board, lodging, and tuition of my son ! And 
 what do I find upon inquiry ? I find, sir — " here the 
 'Captain struck the floor with his stick, and shook his walrus- 
 head menacingly—" I find, sir, that my son has been 
 allowed to neglect his studies, that he has been allowed to 
 spend his evenings where he pleased, that he has had a
 
 370 ALL I'OOLS 
 
 iatchkey given to him, that he might stay out all night if he 
 chose ! What have I been paying you for, 1 should like 
 to know ? Have I been draining my income of three 
 hundred a year in order that my son might become a liar, 
 a rake — that he should get entangled with a low woman ? " 
 
 The little old tutor cowered and quaked under this 
 scathing fire of reproach. There was no courage, no spark 
 of manhood left in him. His hands dangled helpless at 
 his side, and his knees knocked together, as he stood with 
 downcast eyes before his accuser. The muscles of his 
 throat strained convulsively, and his mouth opened as if to 
 speak ; but no word passed his lips. 
 
 " What return have I had for my money ? Answer me 
 that, sir ! " The captain again struck the carpet with his 
 stick. " Look at that son of mine — there, on the sofa ! — 
 and tell me what benefit he has derived from your tuition 
 and your refined home ! I should not like to call a man a 
 swindler in his own drawing-room, but it looks like it, sir. 
 It looks dev'lish like it ! " 
 
 Sammy groped for his eye-glasses with a nerveless hand, 
 and, failing to touch that solace, murmured : " Have you 
 no — er — have you no bowels of compassion ? " 
 
 " Bowels of compassion ! Ha, ha ! You talk to me of 
 compassion. I like that," retorted the captain, with a 
 ghastly smile. " What compassion have you had for my 
 son, I should like to know ? No, sir, none of your bowels 
 for me — nor your compassion either." 
 
 He shook his head decidedly and turned away with an 
 expression of disgust, as though he were rejecting a bond-fide 
 offer of the little tutor's steaming entrails, garnished with the 
 parsley of compassion. 
 
 Miss Catherine, who had all this while been whispering 
 with her brother upon the sofa, suddenly exclaimed : 
 
 " Papa ! It's all right. Douglas agrees to write to the 
 "irl and ask her to break it off."
 
 ALL FOOLS 371 
 
 " That's better, my lad, more like your old self. But 
 she'll never consent, bless you ! She's not such a fool. 
 There aren't many Lee-Strettons about, and she knows it, 
 the scheming hussy ! She knows which side her bread is 
 buttered, you may take my word for it. And what, sir, 
 what if she refuses to break it off .^ What then ? " 
 
 "But I say, you know ! " protested Bunny, with a woeful 
 face. "She's not such a bad sort of girl as you think her — 
 upon my word, she isn't." 
 
 " I know, my lad, I know," said his father, not unkindly. 
 " A pretty face, a pretty face ! I've felt like that myself, 
 when I was your age ; but my father held the reins tight, 
 and I got over it. Well, what do you propose to do, if she 
 refuses ? " 
 
 "I suppose I must break it off myself, then," Bunny 
 admitted grudgingly. " But, I say, I only wish you'd call 
 and see her before you make too much fuss. She really is 
 an awfully nice girl — quite presentable, you know." 
 
 " Oh, yes ! I daresay ! " said Miss Catherine, with her 
 chin in the air. 
 
 The captain slapped his returned prodigal upon the 
 back. 
 
 "That's right, Douglas, my boy. I don't wish to be 
 hard on the girl. No doubt she's very nice in her way, 
 but it's not the right way. I'll make her a present in 
 hard cash, to compensate her for the loss of my son ; so 
 you can set your mind at rest on that score. Here, you, 
 sir ! " He turned to Mr. Thompson, who was still standing, 
 limp and bewildered, in the middle of the room. "I'm 
 sorry I spoke to you as I did, just now. I was heated, sir. 
 I'm sure you are man enough to excuse a father's warmth, 
 where his son's welfare is at stake. However, I fear I must 
 remove him from your house at once. After what has 
 occurred, his remaining here must be disagreeable to all 
 parties concerned."
 
 372 ALL FOOLS 
 
 The little old tutor, scarce knowing what he said, 
 mumbled : 
 
 " Oh — er — certainly, certainly — nice, gentlemanly young 
 fellow." 
 
 "But I say, you know!" put in Bunny anxiously, "I don't 
 think Milly would at all like your offering her money. 
 She'd take it as an insult, I'm afraid. What have I done 
 or said, to make you think that she's that sort of girl? 
 Besides, she's a bit fond of me, you know. I'm half-afraid 
 she'll commit suicide, when she hears it's broken off." 
 
 " Suicide ! Faugh ! " The captain ridiculed the idea. 
 " I know, my lad ; I know her sort, and I know how to 
 deal with 'em, trust me ! I haven't knocked about town as 
 a youngster for nothing. Hallo ! What have we here?" 
 
 The door opened of a sudden, and Brown Geegee 
 shuffled into the room, his dusky face one vast grin. He 
 wore his fawn overcoat, his red tie, and his boots of patent 
 leather. In his left hand he carried his cane with the ivory 
 handle, and a bran-new top-hat. There was an air of 
 mystic hilarity about him. 
 
 " Ah ! Excuse me, dear people," he murmured, with a 
 low bow to the strange lady and gentleman. " I did not 
 know that you were here, or I should have made my entry 
 more surreptitious." 
 
 Evidently the coloured gentleman was under the influ- 
 ence of some great excitement, for, despite his profound 
 knowledge of the English tongue, he seemed to have 
 difficulty in hitting upon the right words to express his 
 meaning clearly. 
 
 " Mr. Thompson, my dear sir, I have very interesting 
 news to tell you. We have had a satan-good lark this 
 morning. I wish you had been there. There was cham- 
 pagne for luncheon, also funny-devil asparagus — very nice 
 indeed. I desire to make known to you, sir, that my jolly- 
 good friend, Blackstone, wishes very greatly to enjoy the
 
 ALL FOOLS 373 
 
 pleasure of your conversation. He is, at present, outside 
 upon the landing. If you will take the trouble to look round 
 the corner of this filth-evil door, you will behold him ! " 
 
 "If it's Sir Arthur Blackstone, do ask him to come in !" 
 exclaimed Miss Catherine, clasping her hands in a little 
 ecstasy of entreaty. "We have seen so little of him, papa, 
 and he is Douglas's greatest friend." 
 
 Brown Geegee shuffled back to the door, and, by dint of 
 gesticulation and a series of grimaces, the most fiendish 
 that he had hitherto achieved, at length lured his friend 
 into the drawing-room. 
 
 Blackstone was faultlessly clad in frock-coat, black waist- 
 coat, and light trousers. In one hand he carried his topper 
 and walking-stick, in the other a pair of grey su^de gloves, 
 new and unsullied. His moustache was exquisitely curled, 
 and he wore a white flower at his button-hole. 
 
 " Quite bridal, I declare ! " was Miss Katie's mental 
 comment. " How handsome he is ! " She smiled upon 
 him alluringly. 
 
 " I wanted to speak to you, sir," said Blackstone, as soon 
 as he had paid his respects to the Lee-Strettons, father and 
 daughter. " I won't detain you a minute, but I'm in a 
 great hurry." 
 
 "Oh, please don't go away, Sir Arthur," pleaded Miss 
 Catherine, with as near an approach to a pout as her austere 
 beauty would allow. 
 
 " I'm awfully sorry ! " he blurted. " But, the fact is — 
 I've got a lady in a hansom outside, and I mustn't keep her 
 waiting ! " 
 
 Miss Lee-Stretton gasped. 
 
 " A lady !— -in a hansom ! " 
 
 " Yes ; Lady Blackstone," he said awkwardly. 
 
 " Oh, do please bring her in ! I should so like to know 
 her ! I have heard so much about her from Douglas ! And 
 papa will be charmed ! "
 
 374 ALL FOOLS 
 
 Blackstone stared at her, doubting her sanity. He 
 muttered "best get it over," and went out of the room. 
 But Miss Catherine was not mad, poor girl. She only 
 thought it was his mother ! 
 
 Bestowing a grin of exquisite malignity upon Bunny, 
 Brown Geegee shuffled out on to the landing, so as to miss 
 none of the fun. 
 
 "Oh, do tell me about her — quick, Douglas!" Miss 
 Catherine whispered in her brother's ear. " She's given to 
 good works, isn't she ? — subscribes to charities and all that 
 sort of thing ! Hurry up, there's a good boy ! " 
 
 "Who?" asked Bunny sullenly. 
 
 " Your friend's mother — Lady Blackstone ! Make haste ! 
 They'll be here in a minute ! " 
 ."Forgot he had one ! " 
 
 " Of course he ha?, you silly boy ! Didn't you hear him 
 Fay that Lady Blackstone was waiting for him in a hansom ! 
 Do be quick ! " 
 
 " I know nothing about her ! " said Bunny stolidly. 
 
 It was all she could do to refrain fromi boxing his ears. 
 
 Dismissing her brother with a gesture of disgust, she 
 turned her curiosity upon the little tutor. She asked : 
 
 "Is the dowager Lady Blackstone still as infirm as she 
 used to be, do you happen to know, Mr. Thompson ? " 
 
 "I — er — I really had quite forgotten that — er — in fact, 
 that Mr. Blackstone — nice, gentlemanly young fellow — had 
 a mother," muttered Sammy, fingering his glasses. " I 
 fancy he told me that she was — er — deceased — in fact, 
 dead. But — er — I am so forgetful ! My memory is not — 
 er — not so good as it used to be. Many little — little facts 
 escape me. Now that I come to think of it, it was his 
 father that was dead, not — er — not his mother ! "
 
 ALL FOOLS 375 
 
 Miss Catherine shot a glance at him, of such scorn that, 
 had he not been withered already, it would certainly have 
 withered him. 
 
 " Oh, do tell me something about her, somebody ! " she 
 exclaimed, as footsteps were heard upon the stairs. " I 
 wouldn't make a mistake for worlds ! " 
 
 The captain was surprised and a little alarmed at his 
 daughter's excitement. 
 
 " Why, what's wrong with you, Katie ? " he asked. '• Be 
 calm, my girl ! Be calm ! Hush ! " 
 
 Brown Gecgee threw open the door, taking occasion to 
 peep round at Bunny. His eyes twinkling with devilry, he 
 announced in a voice designed to resemble that of an 
 English footman : 
 
 "My very good friend. Sir Arthur Blackstone. And my 
 sweet sugar-nngel-friend, Lady Blackstone ! " 
 
 Bunny started up, with a loud and angry exclamation. 
 His sister reeled, and clutched the back of her chair for 
 support. Sammy snorted and sniffed his astonishment. 
 Brown Geegee contributed a diabolical chuckle from his 
 post at the door. Only the captain was unmoved. 
 
 " A deuced fme girl ! " he thought, scanning her from 
 head to foot with the eye of a connoisseur. " Real 
 thoroughbred, every inch of her ! She'd, 've played the 
 devil or the angel with me, if she'd been about, when I was 
 a lad ! " 
 
 "Millicent, let me introduce to you my tutor, Mr. 
 Thompson ! " said Blackstone awkwardly. " My wife, 
 sir ! " 
 
 "Your — er — wife!" echoed Sammy, in blank amaze- 
 ment, holding out a limp hand. " Your — er — wife, did y«)u 
 say ? Do you know — er — it's a very remarkable thing, Mr.
 
 ^y6 ' ALL FOOLS 
 
 Blackstone, but I had quite forgotten that you were . 
 married ! " 
 
 "No wonder, sir,"- said Blackstone, laughing. "I didn't 
 know it myself, till this morning ! " 
 
 There was a rush, a chair was overturned and Bunny, his 
 eyes wild with rage and hatred, confronted the couple. 
 
 " Milly ! — Blackstone ! — What have you done ? " he 
 hissed from between his clenched teeth. 
 
 Millicent, lovely in her simple, grey dress, tailor-made for 
 a less happy wedding, clung blushing to Blackstone's arm. 
 
 " I've married her, old chap, that's all ! " the baronet 
 exclaimed. " You've been only half-hearted in the matter 
 for weeks past. So, as it meant everything to me, and she 
 cared for you about as much as she cares for that tabic," 
 ■ — he stroked her hand gently as he spoke — " I thought it 
 best to make two people happy, even with the chance of 
 making one miserable. There's nothing to be wild about, 
 youngster ! " 
 
 But Bunny was wild, and he showed it. He called 
 B'ackstotie a d — d villain, cursing him again and again with 
 all the virulence of his rabbit-mouth. He stigmatised 
 Millicent as " faithless," and poured out such a torrent of 
 invective against her and her relations that his father could 
 stand no more of it, but brought his stick down smartly 
 upon his son's shoulders, bidding him hold his tongue for 
 very shame. 
 
 " You've ruined my life ! " he shouted, and rushed madly 
 from the room, dealing Brown Geegee a vicious blow in 
 passing, which that wily Oriental duly resented, and re- 
 taliated by a well-planted kick in the region of Bunny's 
 coat-tails. 
 
 " Ruined his life, indeed ! " Captain Lee-Stretton looked
 
 ALL FOOLS m 
 
 angrily after his flying son. "Why, he'd just given her up 
 the minute before you came in ! Allow me to congratulate 
 you, Sir Arthur Blackstone, upon the acquisition of so 
 charming a lady. I envy yuu, sir ! My daughter here led 
 me to believe that Miss Woodward was a very difierent 
 person, or, I assure you, I should never have forbidden my 
 son's marriage with her. Accept the homage of an old man, 
 my lady ! I'm glad that you have found a husband more 
 worthy of you than that rascally boy of mine who has just 
 left the room ! " 
 
 "Papa," said Miss Catherine, who, with pale face and 
 compressed lips, had been a supercilious observer of the 
 scene, " don't you think that you would be playing a more 
 manly part if you were to go upstairs and comfort Douglas, 
 instead of Vv'asting your breath in compliments to a person 
 who neither desires nor deserves them ? I wish them both 
 happiness, I'm sure ! So romantic, isn't it ? Quite like 
 King Cophetua and the beggar-maid. Only the maid 
 waited for King Cophetua to stoop, I believe ! " 
 
 With a sound between a sob and a laugh, she swept from 
 the room, dropping an obsequious curtsey to Lady Black- 
 stone in passing. And her father, as in duty bound, 
 followed her. Milly had all she could do to repress a sob. 
 
 " Oh, how cruel of her ! On our wedding day, too ! " she 
 murmured. "And Douglas! How wicked of him to curse 
 you ! " 
 
 Blackstone patted the little tremblir.g hand reassuringly. 
 
 " Cheer up, old girl ! It's all over now ! I knew it must 
 come sooner or later. As for the girl, his sister — it sounds 
 a conceited thing to say — but I believe she'd 've married 
 me by force if she could. Yet I don't think she was in love 
 with me either ! "
 
 378 ALL FOOLS 
 
 Milly looked up into his face with loving eyes. 
 
 " I hate her/' she said softly. 
 
 " Rather stirring times — eh, sir ? " Blackstone turned to 
 the tutor, who stood by bewildered, looking as if, but for 
 the little starch in his shirt-front, he would have collapsed 
 in a heap upon the ground. "Where's Geegee, I wonder?" 
 
 The poor little bookworm tugged at his eye-glasses. 
 
 "Yes — er — certainly, certainly. It seems to me — er — 
 Mr. Blackstone, that — er — in fact, that nobody has any 
 bowels of compassion except you, and that — er — that 
 attractive young female, your wife ! " 
 
 "There, Milly, there's a compliment for you!'' Black- 
 stone laughed down at his bride. "Mr. Thompson isn't 
 given to compliments, either ; so it has a special value from 
 him 1 " 
 
 Milly laughed too, and even the troubled face of the 
 little old tutor relaxed to something of a smile. 
 
 " Mr. Blackstone, you're a nice, gentlemanly young fellow ! 
 Won't you — er — won't you have a cigar ? " 
 
 "Thank you, sir. I don't mind if I do ! " 
 
 "And Mr. Blackstone — " Sammy's face assumed an 
 expression of deep mystery. He laid a finger to his lips as 
 he whispered, "Won't the — er — the female — I mean, your 
 wife — won't she have a cigar too? I am — er — I am in- 
 formed that many females smoke nowadays ! " 
 
 "What do you say, Milly?" Blackstone asked, with a 
 whimsical glance. "Say yes," he added in a whisper. 
 " They're rattling good cigars ! " 
 
 Millicent smiled pleasantly upon the little old tutor. 
 
 " I should like one above all things ! " she said. 
 
 Sammy trotted off at once, with a face expressive of the 
 most lively satisfaction. Though no smoker himself, he
 
 ALL FOOLS 379 
 
 dearly loved to have his cigars appreciated ; and this was 
 the first time that a female had done him the honour to 
 accept one. He returned shortly with a box in his hands. 
 
 " Er — choose for yourselves," he said. 
 
 Milly, with a great show of selection, picked out a cigar 
 from the box, and her husband did likewise. 
 
 Blackstone laughed. 
 
 '' Our only wedding-present,'' he said. " By the way, sir, 
 I wanted to tell you that I shall leave town to-morrow for 
 good. Lady Blackstone is going home for to-night, and I 
 shall come back here. To-morrow morning we go down to 
 Wulborough. I wired yesterday to my housekeeper to let 
 her know. We're going to have the honeymoon — all the 
 journey and discomfort of it, I mean — later on, when we've 
 got used to each other." 
 
 " Er — I shall be very sorry to lose you," Sammy mur- 
 mured. *' You have always been a nice, gentlemanly young 
 fellow. And so, I venture to say, will Mrs. Thompson.'' 
 
 " I shall be awfully sorry to leave, sir. I've had a rattling 
 good time of it here, take it all together. But you and Mrs. 
 Thompson must come down and stay with us in the holi- 
 days. I've given Geegee a standing invitation. By Jove, 
 though, I'd quite forgotten the hansom outside ! Come 
 along, Milly ! Good-bye, sir ; I shall see you again this 
 evening. There'll be pounds to pay for that cab ! " 
 
 " Er — good luck to you both/' said the litde old tutor, 
 as he trotted downstairs after them. " I shall be extremely 
 sorry to lose you — ^er — Mr. Blackstone. Allow me to open 
 the door. Good-bye ! I cannot think where Susan has got 
 to. She would like to make the acquaintance of — er — of 
 that fascinating young female, your wife, I feel sure." 
 
 Suddenly a shower of little pellets came stinging against
 
 380 ALL FOOLS 
 
 the back of the tutor's neck. Then another shower, and 
 yet another. They filled his wig, they found their way be- 
 tween his collar and his skin. At tlie same moment Lady 
 Blackstone shi^ok her dress, looking startled, and Sir Arthur 
 brushed his coat sleeve. The driver of the hansom 
 chuckled. 
 
 "It's some feller in the 'ou';e throwin' rice!" he 
 volunteered. 
 
 " Er — dear me ! " exclaimed Mr. Thompson, peering 
 into the hall ; but a fresh shower struck him full in the face, 
 blinding him for the moment. 
 
 "I believe it's Mr. Geegee!" cried Miilicent gaily. 
 " Don't you see him, Arthur ? He's there, in the bend of 
 the stairs ! " 
 
 She waved her hand as she spoke, and her gesture called 
 forth a hearty but foreign-sounding cheer from the staircase. 
 A shower of rice, more dense and stinging than any of its 
 predecessors, rattled about the little tutor's liead and 
 shoulders. 
 
 It was indeed Brown Geegee, who, in his desire that the 
 wedding should be in every way orthodox, had wheedled 
 an unsuspecting cook into trusting him with a bag of rice, 
 destined for to-morrow's pudding, which, he said, he needed 
 for some experiments in "extemporaneous philosophy." This 
 high-sounding phrase had vanquished all the cook's scruples, 
 and Brown Geegee had been lurking ever since in the door- 
 way of Sammy's dressing-room waiting for the happy couple 
 to come out. 
 
 Miilicent waved her parasol. 
 
 " Good-bye, Mr. Geegee ! " she cried. 
 
 " Good-bye ! God bless you ! Hurrah ! Enjoy your- 
 selves ! " came in rapid succession from the staircase, each
 
 ALL FOOLS 381 
 
 exclamation duly emphasised by a fresh shower of rice upon 
 the unfortunate little tutor's head. 
 
 " Er— good-bye again ! Good luck to you ! " murmured 
 Sammy. "I hope Miss — I mean Mrs. — er — dear me ! I 
 mean your wife, Mr. Blackstone, will enjoy her cigar ! '' 
 
 The cabman looked astonished, and stared at the lady 
 with a new interest as Blackstone helped her to her seat. 
 Then, at a shout of " Kew Gardens," he whipped up his 
 horse, and the happy couple drove away. 
 
 Sammy watched the cab out of sight, a benevolent ex- 
 pression of bewilderment upon his parchment face. Then 
 he closed the door with a sigh. 
 
 " Er — it is really most unfortunate ! " he murmured. 
 " Two pupils lost — gone in one day ! " 
 
 He turned to go upstairs, but started back with an ex- 
 clamation of horror. The floor of the hall had an unwonted 
 aspect. His first suspicion was of a sudden and severe 
 hailstorm within doors. Then sundry little gritty fragments 
 between collar and neck irritated him, and he remembered. 
 
 " I — er — I must tell the servant to sweep it up at once," 
 he muttered. " How very inconsiderate of Mr. — er — of 
 Mr. What's-'is-name. What a bewildering day, to be sure ! 
 What with wars and — er — rumours of wars, and marrying 
 and giving in marriage, I hardly know whether I am alive 
 or — er — in fact, deceased ! " 
 
 '• They are gone, the beautiful sugar-girl and my very 
 good friend," wailed Brown Geegee, throwing the paper-bag 
 after the rice, that is to say upon his tutor's head. " I will 
 now retire to my own room and resum-e my studies." 
 
 THE END, 
 
 Printed by Cowan &= Co., Limited, Perth.
 
 6031 
 1-55 
 
 THE LIBRARY 
 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 Santa Barbara 
 
 THIS BOOK IS DUE ON THE LAST DATE 
 STAMPED BELOW. 
 
 Series 9482
 
 UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY 
 
 A A 001 429 019 1