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 THE UNIVERSITY 
 
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 LOS ANGELES 
 
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 SENILITIES; 
 Solitary Amufements : 
 
 IN PROSE AND VERSE : 
 
 WITH 
 
 A CURSORY DISQUISITION 
 
 ON THE 
 
 FUTURE CONDITION OF THE SEXES. 
 
 BY THE EDITOR OF "THE REVERIES OF SOLITUDE, ^ 
 f* 8PIRITUAL ttUIXOTE," " COLUMELLA," &C, 
 
 tONDOil 
 
 PRINTED POR T. N. LONGMAN AND O. EEES, 
 
 PAIERNOSTER-ROW J 
 
 BY J. BROWNE, GEORGE-STREET, BATH* 
 
 180I
 
 IITI.TI 
 
 sJnsfn'iiirmA Tinjiic
 
 TO 
 SIR RICHARD COLT HO ARE, BU 
 
 AS A GRATEFUL ACKNOWLEDGIVIENT 
 OF REPEATED CIVILITIES, 
 
 WHICH THE AUTHOR HAS RECEIVED 
 AT STOURHEAD; 
 
 AND AS A SLIGHT MEMORIAL 
 
 OF THE MANY HAPPY HOURS WHICH 
 
 HE HAS BEEN PERMITTED TO ENJOY 
 
 IN THOSE ELYSIAN SCENES, 
 
 THIS MISCELLANEOUS VOLUME 
 
 IS INSCRIBED, 
 
 BY HIS MUCH-OBLIGED, 
 
 HUMBLE SERVANT, 
 THE EDITOR, 
 
 103G836
 
 ). ii3
 
 C: 
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 PART I. PROSE. 
 
 fAGZ 
 
 THE Confolatlon of Neglefted Virgins X 
 
 On Profanenefs ^_^ ._ _ 31 
 
 On Delicacy of Manners . 41 
 
 On the Moral Senfc ' 49 
 
 Theatrico-Mania - 57 
 
 On Converfation ' 69 
 
 An Oppreflive Tax 76 
 
 Sufpicious Meeting . . 80 
 
 Narrative of an Alarming Occurrence 83 
 
 Trifling Criticifms 87 
 
 Unfeafonable Gallantry _ 51 
 
 Symptoms of Self-Importance .1 97 
 
 Rural Felicity 104 
 
 PART II. POETICAL. 
 
 THE Seat of Happinefs .. 117 
 
 II Penforofo j or. The Seat of Woe iz6 
 
 PANEGYRICAL. 
 
 To the Hon. and Rev. E. S-ym-r . 135 
 
 The Rofe and the Thiftle 136 
 
 Chriftmas Amufements at Claverton-Houfe 139 
 
 To Mrs. E. of Cl-v-rt-n-Houfe . 141 
 
 True Heroifm: to the Hon. Lt. Gl. Harcourt 144 
 
 Tewkefbury Park 150 
 
 Comb-Hay ' 158 
 
 The Lover's Walk 1 161 
 
 CorfhanvHoufe i or, The Family Return 165 
 
 Ammerdown . j66 
 
 A Topographical Sketch of the County of Somerfet 169 
 
 To Frince Hoare, Efq. . 174 
 
 On the !ate Rainy Scafon 176 
 
 Danmonra Laudes ; or, The Worthies of Devonshire J79 
 
 Horace's Ode II. b. 2, imitated 181 
 
 To Amos Green, Efij. . . 185 
 
 Confohtory Smiles 187 
 
 Frugality, die Scarce of Generofity . j88 
 
 A Corporation Fc-aft at Bath 190 
 
 An inveterate Rhymcr'a Farewell to the Mufcs J93 
 
 PAR.f
 
 ji : rrrr- contents. 
 
 PART III. HUMOROUS. ?agk 
 MATERNAL Defpotlfm; or, The Rights of Infants 197 
 
 Dogrel Rhymes ; or, The Rights of Dogs I99 
 
 The Rights of Reptiles *o^ 
 
 Murder and Adultery ; or, Ghaftity Polluted 206 
 
 Botany-Bay. A New Song. 2.05 
 
 John BalTs Seditious Txt 212- 
 
 On the Voluntary Subfcriptions for Defence 2i4 
 
 Domeftic Comfort 2^<5 
 
 Devour Meditations ^'^ 
 
 The Dorncftic Defpot 2' 
 
 The Proxy ^^4 
 
 The Police Dlfarmed 229 
 
 On the prefenl loofe Drapery of the Fair Sex 2jO . 
 
 To the Lovely Ldy -^ ^3^ 
 
 On the Author's Fifture ^33 
 
 The Univerfal Remedy i^34 
 
 A fimilar Prefcription in a different Vehicle 236 
 
 To the Author's Three Perukes - *3* 
 
 The Impatient Lover - ^4^^ 
 
 Liberty and Property ; ^43 
 
 The Temple of the Mufes 247 
 
 PART IV. MISCELLANEOUS. 
 
 TRUE Politenefs 253 
 
 To a Difconfolatc Virgin 254 
 
 To a fine Woman with a Mulical Voice 256 
 
 To Mlfs Charlotte -^ 258 
 
 To the Hon. Mrs. Hill 260 
 
 To Mifs 262 
 
 ToMifs Sufannah H-rr-ngt.n 264 
 
 To Dr. H-rr-ngt-n 267 
 
 Infcription on the Frize of the Pump-Room at Bath 269 
 
 On Cromwell'i Piduie 271 
 
 The Spirited Fair One 273 
 
 A Song 275 
 
 The Aviary: or, The Merry Captives 277 
 
 Female Attractions ' 282 
 
 The Senfiiivc Plant ?84 
 
 Dine with the Doctor ' 286 
 
 W-d-c-mb-Houfe 288 
 
 A Rcmarkabh Phenomenon 290 
 
 Martial, Ep. 74, B. 10, imitated 293 
 
 Paftoral Advice 295 
 
 The Innocence of Infancy 2r)^ 
 
 In Memory of Wm. L-ng, Efq. 301 
 
 A Monumental Infcription 3C3 
 
 Refignation 3^4
 
 .; , ; THE 
 
 -^ ^^ PREFACE...ii:^^^'i. 
 
 In the reign of Charles II. when the 
 Clergy would preach two hours at a 
 llretch, *' and make nothing of it ;** as 
 foon as the preacher perceived his fo- 
 porific eloquence begin to take efFe6l ; 
 in order to roufe the languid atten- 
 tion of his audience, and give them 
 hopes of a fpeedy releafe ; he would 
 exclaim with great emphafis, * Once 
 i* more and I have done !" Of this 
 a 2 CX'
 
 ( ) 
 
 cxpreffion I Ihall avail myfelf, not to 
 gain the attention^ tut to obtain the 
 fardon of the Public for having fo long 
 trefpafTed on their patience : And I 
 affure them in the language of fhow- 
 men, " This is pofitively the lall time 
 ** of performing." Thofe indeed who 
 are acquainted with the advanced age 
 of the Author, and the many infirmi- 
 ties and affli6live circumftances, too 
 often the concomitants of old age, will 
 wonder how he could poflibly amufe 
 himfelf with fuch trifles, particularly 
 with thofe pieces which he has ven- 
 tured to call Humorous ; many of 
 which appear in this Mifcellaneous 
 Colleftion. 
 
 But,
 
 ( iii ) 
 
 3ut, i'n the firft place, not to plead 
 the force of habit, moft of them were 
 written fome years fince, and are only 
 the Quifquitics^ or neglec6led contents 
 of his port-folio. But as fome of 
 them feemed not totally void of merit, 
 (in their kind) though he is convinced 
 no one can take the fame pleafure in 
 fuch middling poetry, as the Author 
 does, he thought they might amufe the 
 idle Reader, as they had done the idle 
 Writer of them. 
 
 It mufl be obferved, in the next 
 place, that laughter is by no means an 
 unequivocal fymptom of a merry 
 heart. It is a remarkable anecdote of 
 Carlini, the drollefl buffoon that ever 
 appeared on the Italian flage at Paris. 
 
 A French
 
 ( iv ) 
 
 A French phyfician having been con- 
 fulted by a perfon, fubje6l to the moft 
 gloomy fits of melancholy, advifed his 
 patient to mix in fcenes of gaiety and 
 diflipation ; and particularly to fre- 
 quent the Italian theatre ; and if Car- 
 lini does not difpel your gloomy com- 
 plaint, fays he, your cafe mull be def- 
 perate indeed. Alas ! Sir, faid the pa- 
 tient, I rnyfelf am Carlini ; and while 
 I divert all Paris with mirth, and make 
 them almoft die with laughter, I my- 
 felf am dying with melancholy and 
 chagrin. 
 
 As for thofe lighter pieces then, in 
 this Volume, they are fo far from 
 being the offspring of cheerfulnefs or 
 gaiety, that they were written to di- 
 vert
 
 ( V ) 
 
 vert my thoughts from feme affli6irve 
 circumflance, when I could not attend 
 to more ferious or important medita- 
 tions. 
 
 But the Author will probably be 
 accufed of a culpable degree of adu- 
 lation for the many complimentary 
 pieces which he has addreffed to his 
 fuperiors in ftation or fortune, or other 
 external advantages. To which he 
 can only fay as he has before faid on 
 fimilar occafions, ** That his enco- 
 ' miums have always been the effu- 
 '* lions of gratitude for favors rt- 
 " cdved;" and not the fnarcs of flat- 
 tery for any that he expected ; and 
 therefore may at lead be deemed dil- 
 interefted. 
 
 > Mc.TS intenta fiiis r.cforct iifquc malis. Ovid. 
 
 He
 
 ( vi ) 
 
 He has always been more inclined 
 to panegyric, than to fatyr : and hav- 
 ing an habitual tendency to rhyming, 
 unfortunately contraQed in his youth, 
 every incident, pleafing or difpleafing; 
 every civility, or every flight from a 
 great man j a fafcinating fmile, or 
 mortifying negleft, from a beautiful 
 woman ; every accidental circumftance 
 of this kind, will fet his fancy to work 
 as mechanically as a frefh gale puts 
 the fails of a wind^mill in motion. 
 Yet this propenlity has rarely been 
 indulged, unlefs in his morning rides ; 
 which he is under a neceflity of taking 
 daily, on account of his health. 
 
 But, after all, I am afraid it will be 
 (aid, and with fomc degree of truth, 
 
 that
 
 ( vii ) 
 
 that a confiderable part of his life has 
 been palled in doing wrong things, and 
 making apologies, for them. But what 
 Pope fays of Poets in general, may be 
 applied on the prefent occafion. 
 
 " Yet, Sir, reflect : the mischief is not grfeat ; 
 " These madmen never hurt the Church or State: 
 *' Allow him but his plaything of a pen, 
 *' He ne'er rebels or plots like other men." 
 
 The greateft detriment to the Pub- 
 lic in this alarming dearth of paper, 
 is the unneceffary confumption of 
 that article ; which might be fo much 
 better employed in philofophical or 
 political pamphlets ; to combat the re- 
 ligious prejudices and fuperftition of a 
 higottcd age ; and to difTcminate the 
 principles of Liberty and Equality ; 
 
 and
 
 - ( viii ) 
 
 and reflor^ men to the.Ir Naturat 
 Rights i and free them from the arbi- 
 trary rejlraints impofed upoii them bv 
 the Lawi of Society. 
 
 The prefent fcarcity of bread in- 
 deed, is beneath the attention of a 
 J>hilofopher or a poet ; (they have 
 been inured to a fpare diet and fcanty 
 meals) but a dearth of paper! is an 
 awful confideration : it ftrikes at the 
 very exiflence of their fublime fpecu-* 
 lations. It mufl at leafl deprive the 
 World of the benefit of their lucubra- 
 tions ; and eventually reduce men 
 again to a Hate of ignorance and bar- 
 barifm !* 
 
 See Dr. Brown's ingenious Essay on this 
 subject. 
 
 To
 
 { U ) 
 
 To conclude : As a young Author 
 fometimes claims indulgence for his 
 Jirjl performance, on account of his 
 youth i The Author of this Farraginous 
 Collelion, deprecates the feverity of 
 criticifm for this his lajl produ6lion, 
 on account of his advanced age ; being 
 above twenty years pafl his grand 
 climatrix. 
 
 However, I would bequeath this 
 advice to the juvenile part of my ac- 
 quaintance. 
 
 My young Friends ! Avoid bad 
 company, gaming, fabhath-breaking, 
 and writing verfes : 
 
 An O^O'Genarian Scribbler,
 
 THE 
 
 CONSOLATION 
 
 OF 
 
 NEGLECTED VIRGINS : 
 
 OK, 
 
 A CURSORY DISQUISITION 
 
 ON THE 
 
 FUTURE CONDITION OF THE SEXES. 
 
 WITH A REFERENCE TO 
 
 DR. PRIESTLEY'S OPINION OF THIS SUBJECT,
 
 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 1 REMEMBER an itinerant pi'ofefTor of 
 the medical art, who, from a pure dif- 
 interefted regard to the welfare of his 
 fellow-creatures, frequented the mar- 
 kets of a provincial town, to heal ma- 
 ladies of every kind, without fee or 
 reward; except a mere trifle to defray 
 the expence of his travels. But his 
 chief delight and fubject of triumph 
 was to cure the blind, and thofe who 
 had been pronounced incurable by the 
 regular practitioners of the healing art. 
 A poor old man, who had been 
 totally blind For many years, was wil- 
 ling to avail himfelf of this common 
 blefling fo liberally beftowed : the 
 artift, after putting him to ccnfider- 
 able torture for fome time, told him, 
 B 25 at
 
 4 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 at length, " Honeft man, if you had 
 but two films over your eyes, I could 
 cure you; hit you have three and, 
 therefore, though you will never reco- 
 ver your fight in this world, you will 
 fee again in the next." The poor man 
 thanked the Do6lor for his kindnefs, 
 payed his fixpence, and withdrew with 
 perfeft refignation to his fate. 
 
 Such, I confefs, is in fome meafure 
 the only confolation which I have to 
 offer to thofe unhappy females, whom 
 the injuftice, or want of difcernment, 
 in our faftidious fex, has deprived of 
 the comforts of conjugal endearment, 
 and the tender regards of their natural 
 fupporters and proteftors. The con- 
 du6l, however, which I Ihall here take 
 the liberty to fuggell, will, I trufl, if 
 adopted, contribute greatly to their 
 comfort and happinefs, even in this 
 life ; as well as qualify them for that 
 more perfe6l blifs which is referved for 
 them, hereafter, 
 
 SECTION
 
 l 6 1 
 
 SECTION I.. ^,- , ,i 
 
 IN o one, who has not been feduced 
 by th^'impious fophiftry of this ftiper- 
 ficial Age of Reafon, aud conliders, 
 with due attention, the infinite good- 
 nefs and wifdom of the great Creator 
 of the univerfe, can poffibly beheve 
 that he would produce fuch a creature 
 as man, endued with a capacity to 
 judge of, and appreciate the goodnefs 
 and juftice of his Maker, with an in- 
 fatiable thirft after happinefs, inde- 
 fatigable in the purfuit of knowledge, 
 and capable of improving his faculties 
 to an indefinite extent ; who, after 
 having laboured up the fteep afcent of 
 virtue and fcience, fliould be fufFered 
 lo drop at once into the gulph of eter- 
 nal oblivion ; deceived, and even de- 
 frauded, as it were, of the reward of 
 Jiis labours, From this moral argu- 
 B 3 menfe
 
 6 THE CONSOLATION 
 
 ment alone, then, a future ftate of ex- 
 iftence is, I think, demon ftrable. 
 
 But^ if we extend our inquiries be- 
 yond this life, and attempt to invefti- 
 gate the particular circumftances of 
 that ftate, our fpeculations rauft ne- 
 celTarily be merely conjeftural, infi- 
 nitely vague and uncertain. When 
 the drama of life is finifhed ptnd the 
 curtain dropped, an impenetrable veil 
 precludes any further difcovery. 
 
 From fome paffages in the facred 
 writings, however, and fome hints there 
 given, we may reafon with a degree of 
 confidence on fome few particulars of 
 that (late. With regard to the future 
 condition of the fexes, for inftance (the 
 fubjeft of this EfTay) we may form 
 fome plaufible conjeftures. 
 
 As the fanftions of the Mofaic law 
 were only temporal rewards and pu- 
 nifhmcnts, the feQ of the Sadducces, 
 which confifted chiefly of the moll 
 wealthy, though not, in general, the 
 
 moH
 
 OF NEGLECTED VIRGINS, 7 
 
 moft learned part of the community, 
 were fo well contented with the pre- 
 fent ftate of things, and found thera- 
 felves fo fnug and comfortable in their 
 affluent allotment, that they looked no 
 further than the prefent life; and as 
 tkey were not folicitous about it, they 
 affe6led to difbelieve a future ftate of 
 exiftence. 
 
 To inlinuate to the common people, 
 therefore, the inconfiftency of our Sa- 
 viour's doftrine with the law of Mofes, 
 they fuppofed a cafe of *' feven bre- 
 thren, who fuccefsively married the 
 fame woman," (agreeably to a precept 
 in the law to that purpofe,) and, with 
 a fneer, I fuppofe alked, '* whofe wife 
 ftie lliould be in the refurre6lion ?" To 
 which our Lord replies, that ** in the 
 refurreftion they neither marry nor 
 are given in marriage, but are as the 
 angels in heaven." Matt, xxii. 30. 
 
 From this paflTage the ingenious Dr., 
 IMcflley (with St, Hilary, and fome 
 
 otheri-
 
 8 THE CONSOLATION 
 
 Others of the primitive fathers) infers, 
 not only that " there will be no mar" 
 riages" but alfo, that there will be no 
 diftinftion of fexes in heaven. A 
 ftrange and unwarrantable conclulion! 
 which the Scriptures do not counte* 
 nancCj and our reafon, or our feelings, 
 at leaft, revolt at the idea. 
 
 St. Paul, indeed, mentions a confi- 
 derable change which the human frame 
 will undergo on that awful occafion : 
 that " it is fown in corruption, it is 
 raifed in incorruption, it is fown in 
 weaknefs, it is raifed in power," it is 
 fown a natural, or merely animal body, 
 it is raifed a fpiritual, or fpiritualized 
 body : But he no where fays, that a fe- 
 male body will be raifed a male, or a 
 male a female body. And if there is 
 to be only one fex, the ladies furely 
 have as good a claim to that exclufive 
 privilege as the men have. Nay, as we 
 are to have bodies of feme kind or 
 Other, and '* are to be as the avgels m 
 
 heaven j"*
 
 OF NEGLECTED VIRGINS. ^ 
 
 heaven;" the fair fex in their imma- 
 culate purity and virgin innocence, 
 certainly approach nearer to our pre- 
 
 fent ideas of thofe angelic beinsrs than 
 o o 
 
 the males do.* 
 
 In fhort, *' every feed," as St. Paul 
 fays, ' will have its own body ;" and 
 we might, with as much reafon, expert 
 a grain of wheat to produce an ear of 
 barley, an acorn an apple tree, or the 
 chryfalis of a butterfly to be tranf- 
 formed into an humming bird or a 
 robin red-breafl, as thofe to rife up 
 males who were fafely dcpofited in a 
 female form in the tomb. 
 
 But it may be faid, "If ilierc are no 
 marriages in heaven, of what ufe can 
 the diftinclion of fexes be ?t As there 
 
 * There seems to be some trath in the poet's 
 remark : 
 
 " Angels arc painted fair to look like you." 
 
 t This is a subject of more delicacy than the 
 Author fears he is possessed of But if he cannot 
 be u.,efu], he ^^ ill; at least; endeavour to be harm- 
 less. ' ^vili
 
 fO THE CONSOLATION 
 
 will be no need of any further fupply 
 of the celeftial inhabitants." 
 
 Thofe, however, who make this ob- 
 jeftion, muft confider the fair fex in a 
 very degrading light, as a mere nurfery 
 to fupply the obitory of the pUaJure 
 garden. 
 
 But there has generally been ac- 
 knowledged di JeBual di^in^xon of fouls 
 as well as of bodies. The athletic 
 llrength and roughnefs of the male 
 feenis intended to be tempered by the 
 facinating foftnefs of the female, height- 
 ened by the charms of the more deli-, 
 cate and beautiful form of the latter. 
 
 " For valour He and contemplation form'd, 
 " For softness She and sweet attractive grace." 
 
 MiLTo>r. 
 
 And though we often meet with 
 men of an cflFeminate foftnefs, and an 
 afFef^ed delicacy of manners ; and wo- 
 men of a mafculine boldnefs and inde- 
 licate ftyle of behaviour ; the fight is 
 
 always
 
 OF NEGLECTED VIRGINS. /k 
 
 ahvays ridiculous and difgufting. The 
 latter, efpecially, when they afpire at 
 excellence in a character for which na- 
 ture never intended them, neceffarily 
 defeat their own purpofe. 
 
 It would be the height of prefump- 
 tion and folly, however, in this age, to 
 deny the capability of the fair fex to 
 rival the proudeft of our fex in intel- 
 le6lual improvements. But when a 
 lady, bleffed with thefe extraordinary 
 talents, oflentatioufly difplays her 
 knowledge, and contends with, and 
 even defeats an antagonifl in a meta- 
 phyfical difpute, or any abfirufe fci- 
 ence ; we may admire her fkiil and pro- 
 found erudition, but fne is no longer 
 an objeQ of defire, or of our tender 
 regard. 

 
 f^ THE CONSOLATION 
 
 SECT. II. 
 
 Love is one of the flrongefl and 
 mod delightful pafTions of the human 
 foul. By Love I here mean that re- 
 fined fcntiment of mutual tendernefs 
 and ardent afFeclion between two per- 
 fons of different fexes, which induces 
 each to confult the happinefs of the 
 other in preference to their own j and 
 which, I am convinced, exifls in young 
 minds at lead totally dillindl from fen- 
 fual appetite, or that inftinftive attrac- 
 tion which tends direftly to the per- 
 fonal union of the fcxes. 
 
 Now, though there will be no mar- 
 riages in heaven, and we cannot pro- 
 mifc the haplefs fubjefts of this Effay 
 good hulbands ; yet, what is much 
 better, they will find there an hofl of 
 cordial friends and fincere lovers. And 
 this delicious pafTion of love, inilead 
 
 of
 
 OF NEGLECTED VIRGINS. 13 
 
 of being reftrained to a fingle objeft, 
 will probably be infinitely extended 
 and exalted into that univerfal bene- 
 volence, or charity f fo ftrongly enforced 
 in the Gofpel. And in our fpiritual- 
 ized bodies we fhall enjoy that refined 
 intercourfe of affeftion with the whole 
 fex, which we now experience in the 
 contrafted fphere of' the connubial 
 Jlate. And, as fuch an intercourfe 
 will greatly augment the happinefs of 
 heaven, we can hardly doubt that it 
 will fubfift there, and produce its ge- 
 nuine effedl. 
 
 It has been abfurdly objected to our 
 religion, that it lays no llrefs upon 
 friendlhip, nor on patriotifrn, or the 
 love of our country, but leaves thefe 
 virtues as voluntary duties in a Chrif- 
 tian. Yet, furely, that divine charity, 
 or univeilal philanthropy, which ex- 
 tends our good-will to all mankind, is 
 tar fuperior to fuch, partial, contracted 
 attachments, which frc'|uen(.ly prove 
 
 pre-
 
 t^ THE CONSOLATION 
 
 prejudicial to fociety, and fometimes 
 to the individuals fo connected. 
 
 In like manner, it is not improbable 
 that although no one will have an ex- 
 clufivc property in any individual of a 
 diiFerent fex, yet, that there will be an 
 liniverfally extended, though not lefs 
 tranfporting intercourfe between them 
 all. 
 
 The Sadducees, who put this invi- 
 dious queftion to our Saviour, faw 
 clearly the confulion which mufl re- 
 iuit from the fuppofition of fuch ex- 
 clufive connexions hereafter : and in- 
 Head of' the proper inference, that, 
 therefore, there would be no marriages, 
 they perverfely infered, that there 
 would be no future Jl ate y or refurreBion:^ 
 
 The frequent adulteries and divorces 
 in ibe prefcnt age, would produce the 
 fame confufion and embarraffment, 
 fuppofing the adultcrors and the in- 
 jured parties to be admitted to the 
 fame happy place, ^tx^ the fair object 
 
 of
 
 OF NEGLECTED VIRGINS. 15 
 
 of their attachment to be worth a dif- 
 pute. It may be of importance, then, 
 to caution thofe who may have un- 
 awares conceived a fondnefs for a wo- 
 man who is the property of another, 
 not to forfeit, by indulging an illicit 
 and finful pafTion here, all poflibility 
 of being happy in her fociety here- 
 after. 
 
 In fhort, though we muft not expe8; 
 a Mahometan paradife, we can hardly 
 I think, doubt that there will be fuch 
 a beatific commerce and reciprocal af- 
 fe6lion between the fouls of the good 
 of different fexes as will conflitute the 
 chief felicity of heaven. 
 
 The exercife of the kind aflPe6lions 
 feems fo effential to our enjoyment in 
 this life, that we often fee thofe un- 
 happy beings who by fome accidental 
 circumllances, though otherwife, per- 
 haps, of great merit, have been dilap- 
 pointed of any opportunity of indulg- 
 ing them on a proper obje6l, we fee 
 
 them
 
 l6 THE CONSOLATIOJJ 
 
 them lavifhing their careffes on lap- 
 dogs, or other domeftic animals of the 
 brute-creation : but, in the celeftial 
 regions, every one we meet will be an 
 obje6l of our cordial love and jufl 
 efteem. 
 
 SECT. III. 
 
 As a virtuous union of the fexes 
 then is a fource of the hieheft en 
 
 D 
 
 ijoy. 
 
 ment which this world affords, we can- 
 not but pity thofe unfortunate dam- 
 fels, who, as I have obferved, for want 
 of perfonal attraftions, or any other 
 caufc, are deprived of this common 
 blcfTing, But let them not repine or 
 murmur at their hard lot, nor fuflPer it 
 to four their temper, and add a difguft- 
 ing morofcnefs to their countenances. 
 On the contrary, Jet them cherilh the 
 
 mild
 
 OF NEGLECTED VIRGINS. 1^ 
 
 mild and benevolent affeflions, culti- 
 vate their minds, and ftudy the art of 
 pleafing ; which will give them charms 
 fuperior to the moft regular fyftem of 
 features, or the fineft complexion. 
 Politenefs (which is generally no more 
 than an artificial benevolence) has ir- 
 rcfiftible attraftions ; and extraordi- 
 nary mental endowments often make 
 us overlook any perfonal difadvan- 
 tages. 
 
 Every one knows that Scarron, who 
 reprefents himfelf fo much dillorted 
 as to refemble the letter Z ; yet, by his 
 wit and ingenuity, he gained the afipec- 
 tions of Madame D'Aubigny, after- 
 wards the celebrated Madame Mainte- 
 non ; the miflrefs, if not the wife, of 
 Lewis the XlVth. 
 
 Mr. Pope, whofe flender carcafs was 
 laced up in flays like a collar of brawn, 
 and his fhoulder greatly protuberant, 
 is fuppofed to have received marks of 
 tender regard from more than one lady 
 c of
 
 j8 the consolation 
 
 of difllnftion. As the great Lord 
 Chefterfield hoafted oi favours of fome. 
 ai the fineft women in Europe, though 
 iriore perhaps than he ever received. 
 
 And I eould mention, at this time, 
 ifnore than one woman of faftiion, whofe 
 exterior form is by no means propor- 
 tioned to their mental accomplifh- 
 ments ; who yet have gained, and long 
 retained the affeftions of men, as ami- 
 able in their perfons, as refpeftable in 
 their cbarafters, to whom they have 
 been happily united. i.-^- { 
 
 Yet let not my readers of this dc- 
 fcription found their hopes on thefe 
 lefs frequent examples, but feek for 
 confolation from more infallible fources. 
 Let them refle6l on the peculiar blef- 
 lings which are promifed to the meek, 
 and to the pure in heart. To thofe 
 who are of a gentle difpofition, and 
 who preferve the unfullied purity of 
 their minds as well as of their perfons. 
 And let them fubmit with patience 
 
 and
 
 OF neglectd virgins. 19 
 
 and fefignation to their prefetlt fate ; 
 and alfo endeavour to reflrain and fub- 
 due, as much as hurriah frailty will 
 permit, even thofe innocent propen- 
 fities which they have no opportunity 
 of gratifying, and by that means ac- 
 quire a tajle ioi thofe fpiritual and ex- 
 alted pleafures which they may hope 
 
 to enjoy hereafter. ' . 
 
 Should they allow themfelves fome 
 innocent gratifications, even of the fen- 
 fual kind, fuch as a glafs of wine or two 
 extraordinary after dinner, (which is 
 often the cafe) the occafional refrefh- 
 ment of a pinch of fnufF, a fajliionablc 
 glafs of rUm and water in an evening, 
 or the like, yet let them, by all means, 
 beware of indulging themfelves in any 
 kind of excefs, which they may be na- 
 turally tempted to do, as an indemni- 
 fication for the lofs of thofe connvMal 
 comforts, which nature intended as the 
 common lot of all her children. 
 
 c 2 Another
 
 &0 ' THE CONSOLATIOH 
 
 Another prudential maxim I would 
 particularly recommend to the ladies 
 of this dcfcription, never to praftife 
 any coquctilh or juvenile airs, efpe- 
 cially after they are turned of fifty, 
 which will infallibly fruftrate the pur- 
 pofe intended by them. 
 
 SECT. IV. 
 
 To thofe brighter regions of happi- 
 nefs, then, in a future ftate, thefe neg- 
 lel:ed virgins mufl; look for more com* 
 plete confolation. Though the virtu- 
 ous habits, and the meek and patient 
 refignation to their defliny, may not 
 make them perfeftly happy here, yet 
 they will greatly mitigate their cha- 
 grin, and will be the bcft preparatives 
 for enjoying the fociety, and partici- 
 pating
 
 F NEGLECTED VIRGINS, il 
 
 pating the felicity, of the bleffed inha- 
 bitants of heaven. 
 
 What will be the precife nature and 
 degree of that felicity (as I have al- 
 ready obferved) no one has prefumed 
 to explain, *' neither has it entered into 
 the heart of man fully to conceive.** 
 Butj in addition to the ecftatic joy of 
 being re-united to our neareft and 
 deareft domeftic conne6lions, and moll 
 beloved friends, we may confidently 
 afl'ert, that there will be an univerfal 
 harmony between all the inhabitant? 
 of the celeftial manfions ; and proba- 
 bly, alfo, that there will be a more 
 tender and ardent aflPeftion fubfift- 
 ing between the two fexes, limilar to 
 that which unites them here below. 
 And thofe ncgledled virgins, who 
 have meekly fubmitted to their def- 
 tiny here, will meet with thofe en- 
 dearments of which, from fome per- 
 fonal defeds, perhaps, they have here 
 been unfortunately deprived. For 
 c 3 as
 
 92>- THE COMSQLATIOIX ' 
 
 as mofl perfonal deformities, or even 
 want of fymmetry in the features, or 
 in our ihape, are probably occalioned 
 either by fome mifmanagement of the 
 child in its infancy, or derived down 
 hy a fucceflion of accidental impref- 
 fions from their anceflors, or from an 
 immoderate indulgence of their appe- 
 tites;* thofe defefts will certainly be 
 relified in the glorified body ; and no- 
 thing but vicious habits, or menial de^ 
 JormitieSy will exclude them from the 
 heavenly abodes, or deprive them of a 
 cardial reception there, from every in- 
 habitant of each fex, and of every de- 
 gree of glory and perfeftion. For as 
 there will be no diflinftion but what 
 ariles from virtue and goodnefs, and 
 every one will be as perfeft in that 
 refpecl as his particular mental quali- 
 
 ''- No woman would grow to that enormous 
 bulk which we sometimes see, from any other 
 cause, allowing for family constitutions. 
 
 tifs
 
 OF NEGtECTl;^ VIRGINS. 23 
 
 ties and other circumft?ances require, 
 there will, probably, be a relative, if 
 not a perfe6l; equality in heaven. 
 
 In what boundlefs regions of fpace 
 the incalculable myriads of defcendants 
 from Adam will be difpofed of, or how 
 for endlefs ages they will be employed^ 
 or how a feries of raptures, or even 
 pleating fenfations, will be found to 
 engage our attention to all eternity, it 
 is not the bufinefs of this EfTay to in- 
 quire. But we may fafely trull to the 
 infinite goodnefs and power of our 
 great Benefa6lor, to fupply us with all 
 that we can wilh, or that will contri- 
 bute to our eternal felicity. In our 
 prefent ftate we experience a fucceflion 
 of occupations and amufements, fuited 
 to our different ftages of life, and our 
 different ideas of things from infancy, 
 through our youth, our manhood, and 
 to the mcft advanced period of human 
 life. 
 
 But
 
 i?4 THE CONSOLATION 
 
 But mere exiftence is a bleffing, 
 when not embittered by pain or any 
 diftrefsful circumftances ; and, amidft 
 the fociety and reciprocal endearment 
 of innumerable hofts of the blefled, we 
 can want no other variety to conftitute 
 our happinefs. 
 
 Let us fuppofe a numerous family, 
 united in interefts and afFeftion, living 
 together in an innocent and virtuous 
 harmony, pofleffed of a competence to 
 provide for the conveniences and com- 
 forts of life ; and the younger part of 
 the family, perhaps, in time, marrying 
 and fettling 7uar their parents, in the 
 patriarchal ilyle. What could pre- 
 vent fuch a family from being as happy 
 as human nature will permit, without 
 any variety for a long feries of years ? 
 
 " Sicknefs, or the death of fome of 
 its members," you will fay, " or the 
 neceffity of fome of them being fepa- 
 rated from the reft, to gain a better 
 
 ellablilh-
 
 OF NEGLECTED VIRGINS, SJ 
 
 ftabliOiment in the world, and many- 
 other difaftrous circumftances may in- 
 terrupt the felicity even of fuch a 
 family." 
 
 True ! but nothing of that kind can 
 befall the inhabitants of the realms 
 above They are landed on a peaceable 
 Ihore, and fafe from the ftorms and dif- 
 afters of this boillerous ocean ; and as 
 they are fccured from Jin, they can 
 know no mifery, or any abatement of 
 their happinefs. 
 
 I knew three maiden lifters forty 
 years ago, co-heirefTes, I think, to a 
 confiderable fortune ; but as their per- 
 fonal attra6lions had not been fufficient 
 to procure them proper matches, they 
 lived together in their virgin-ftate, in 
 their manfion-houfe in the countiy, 
 and in a ftyle fuitable to their fortune 
 and rank in life. Havingr had a reli- 
 
 o 
 
 gious education, they had learned to 
 regulate their paffions. and to com- 
 mand
 
 26 THE CONSOLATION 
 
 mand their temper, and were endeared 
 to each other by reciprocal aflFedion. 
 As they were temperate, they were, in 
 general healthy. But if either of them 
 were occafionally indifpofed, it only 
 increafed the tendernefs and attention 
 of her lifters. They vifitcd their gen- 
 tiler neighbours in their turn ; but 
 their higheft enjoyment and chief 
 amufcment was, the walking to the 
 neighbouring cottages, inquiring into 
 and relieving the wants of the indigent 
 and affifting the diftreffed. In fhort, as 
 they were virtuous they were happy, 
 and inftead of a liftlefs laflitude or 
 wearinefs of life; or complaining of its 
 dulnefs and infipidity ; their only fear 
 was, left their party fliould be broken 
 up by the death or marriage of either 
 of its members. 
 
 But, alas ! what idea can the moft 
 romantic dcfciiption of human felicity 
 give us of the future fcenes of blifs 
 
 that
 
 OF NEGLECTED VIRGINS. 27 
 
 that *' fulnefs of joy and thofe rivers 
 of pleafure," where we Ihall fully 
 quench our thirft after happinefs in the 
 realms above. The Elyfium, indeed, 
 of the heathen poets, and even the pa- 
 radife of our lacred writers, are no more 
 than piftures of inardmate nature. But 
 the beauty and fplendor even of the 
 celeflial manfions would contribute but 
 little to our happinefs, without that 
 focial intercourfe, that friendly union, 
 and thofe reciprocal endearments of 
 its bleffed inhabitants. The mofl iiiaCT- 
 
 o 
 
 nificent palace can afford the lover no 
 more pleafure than the meaneft cot- 
 tage, when abfent from the object of 
 his ardent affection. 
 
 In ftiort, whatever or wherever the 
 feat of our happinefs may be, as we 
 ihall rife the fame identical perfons, 
 and retain the fame faculties, though 
 infinitely improved ; we fiiali probably 
 enjoy many of the fame pleafures, 
 
 though
 
 SS THE CONSOLATION 
 
 though exalted and refined beyond 
 our prefent conception. They will be 
 the fame in kind, though not in de- 
 gree.* And as an univerfal harmony, 
 fimilarity of fentiment, and the mofl 
 unrefervcd confidence, analogous to 
 our earthly friendfhips, will prevail 
 amongft all the inhabitants of hea- 
 ven ; fo, doubtlefs, a more tender at 
 tachment, and more exquifite fym- 
 pathy, fimilar to the paflion of love 
 (though void of the leaft tincture of 
 fenfuality) will there fubfift between 
 the two foxes. 
 
 Hence, then, I have endeavoured to 
 extract matter of " confolation to thofe 
 " neglcBed virgins^' who, by a pious 
 refignation, and by cultivating univer- 
 fal benevolence and forming virtuous 
 habits, fhall qualify themfelves for the 
 fociety of the faints in heaven. 
 
 * See an Essay on the Happiness of the Life to 
 jceme ; an elegant translation from the French. 
 
 I fhall
 
 OS NEGLECTED VIRGINS. SJ 
 
 I fhall conclude this EfTay with again, 
 recommending to the fair objects of it, 
 * the ornament of a meek and quiet 
 fpirit,'* a good temper, and a contented 
 and chearful, yet by no means too gay- 
 er flippant a behaviour. Let them not 
 obtrude themfelves too much on the 
 public eye; but, by a referved and 
 modeft air, endeavour to evade parti- 
 cular notice as much as may be. When 
 an unhappy creature feems confcious 
 of any perfonal defel, fhe naturally 
 excites compaflion ; and Pily^ we know, 
 is the Jijler, or rather, the parent^ of 
 Love. 
 
 Indeed, though a perfon of this de- 
 fcription may be overlooked in a po- 
 lite circle ; or even affronted, perhaps, 
 by fome infolent leaut)\ who, like a 
 blazing comet, draws after her a train 
 of gazing fops ; yet this meek fufferer 
 fhall be " a miniftering angel," per- 
 haps, '* and fhine as a flarin the firma- 
 ment,''
 
 go THE CONSOLATION, &C. 
 
 ment," when that haughty fair one, 
 whofe charms may not improbably 
 prove deftruftive of her innocence, 
 may be configned to the fociety of 
 fallen angels^, to do pennance for her 
 pride and infolence, in the regions of 
 darknefs and defpair. 
 
 Though Virtue may be opprelTed, 
 and feem for a while to be neglected ; 
 it will finally triumph, and infallibly 
 meet with an adequate reward. 
 
 ON
 
 [ 31 ] 
 
 or? 
 PROFANENESS, 
 
 " For want of decency Is want of sense." 
 
 Pope. 
 
 Prof AN EN ESS, in its general fenfe, is 
 the treating with levity and irreverence 
 things facred ; or which are efteemed 
 fuch by all wife and good men. From 
 vanity or prcfumption, perhaps, we 
 may deem them weak and fuperfli- 
 tious J in attributing an idea of fanctity 
 to trifles which do not deferve it. But 
 Modefty dictates a diftrufl of our own 
 opinions, and decency requires us to 
 facrifice our own fenfe of things to the 
 
 o 
 
 united fenfe, or even to the prejudices 
 of a major part of the community. 
 
 As fuch a variety of religious perfua- 
 fions prevail in this country, we ought 
 mutually to refpect each others fcru- 
 
 ples;
 
 32 ON PROFANENESS. 
 
 pies ; and not treat with contempt their 
 religious ceremonies, or violate their 
 places of worfhip ; as indeed none but 
 the mere vulgar rabble in this age 
 would do ; and they are reflrained by 
 the laws of the land from this fpecies 
 of profanenefs. 
 
 Yet, fhould an inoffenllve Quaker, 
 whofe confcience will not permit him 
 to wear a fuperfluous button on his 
 coat, much lefs to bow the knee to 
 Baal, come into a church, on any oc- 
 cafion, with his broad beaver on his 
 head, we fhould pity and pardon the 
 delicacy of his fcruples. But when a 
 fectary of any other denomination, 
 who has not the fame plea, comes into 
 a veflry, as I have often feen, with his 
 hat on, when the reft of the company 
 are uncovered, he ought to be treated 
 as any man would be who fhould come 
 into a full-drefTed affembly of polite 
 people in a flovenly difhabillc, or in 
 dirty boots i he would certainly be af- 
 fronted.
 
 >M PROFANNE55J 35 
 
 frDnted, if not turned out of the rootti* 
 And a churchman who Ihould go into 
 one of their conventicles in the fame 
 infolent maftner, ou^ht to ineet with a 
 limila^r treatment. i:.jri 11 ,lrrio;ii 
 
 Yeti in thefe and the like inftances,^ 
 the ill-breeding, rather- than the pro 
 fanenefs of the parties, is generally to 
 be cenfured, ..' 
 
 When an eccentric nobleman, fome 
 years fince, walked up the choir of the 
 Abbey-church at Bath, during divine 
 fervice, with his hat oil his head, and 
 being rebuked by the fexton, walked 
 down again, not in the lead difcori- 
 certed. I do not irriagiiie that " God 
 was in all his thoughts ;" but it pro- 
 ceeded entirely from an ariftocratic 
 contempt of the pious plebeians there 
 afifembled. 
 
 When a bear, from the defarts o 
 
 Siberia, came into a farm-yard, and 
 
 faw the poultry drinking at a pond, 
 
 and turning up their faces towards 
 
 D heaven
 
 ^f ON PROFANENESS* 
 
 Iwsftven at every fip, he might be fur- 
 prized at fo 0|dd a cuftom ; but when 
 Jbe was informed, that it was a religious 
 Q^rtmony, **.wbich from time imme-- 
 morial, had been held facred and. i- 
 ^CpenfkMebf them; none but ajsear," 
 as the clock fpiritedly told himi, " wbuld 
 ^eat it with ridicule atid ; qonterhpt, in 
 the prefence of thofe who practifed 
 it."*- ^^r ,rr.:j3:r nh!...- . ' v / 
 
 Young people, fometimes, from 
 thoughtlefis levity, others from an illi- 
 beral buflfoonery, treat with indecent 
 freedom what ferious perfons think de- 
 serving of reverence and refpect. Such 
 a ludicrous propenfity, if no^ awed hy 
 authority, fhould be chaftifed with 
 feverity. 
 
 A principal performer at a grand 
 concert, given by a late noble Earl at 
 his magnificent caftle, coming in after 
 his time, put up his hat before his 
 face, in imitation of our decent cuflom 
 
 * Dodsley's Fables. 
 
 on
 
 on coming into the diilrch. The la-s- 
 dies' w^re in raptiiir'as at his tvit arid 
 humour ; but his- Ldtdlliip; Wbofe titi- 
 ceftors had made'' France tr^rrlble^ 
 fliould have given fuch a puppy feme 
 mortifying mark of his' difpleaftitei 
 and Aot have fufFei'^d' fuch an itide- 
 cency (at Icaft, if not'profanenefs) to' 
 have faffed unnoticed, before half the 
 nobility and gentry Of the country. 
 
 To what a degree of depravity and 
 profancncfs mull fome of the late re- 
 publican rulers of France have arrived, 
 who could encourage' 'a whole rfat'ibti 
 to pay divine honours to two fttum- 
 pets, in the character^ of Liberty and 
 Rcafon, in the venerable cathedral Of 
 Kotre Dame at Paris; which for fo 
 many centuries had been held facred, 
 and dedicated to the fervice of the'fu- 
 preme Being ! ' 
 
 I have faid nothing oi profane fwear- 
 
 ing in common converfation, becaufe it 
 
 15 now baniflied from all good com- 
 
 D 2 pany?
 
 3^ ON ?ROFANE^JBS$, 
 
 pany, and even . civilized fo^ietyj 
 amongft porters and draymen in pot- 
 houfes^ and brothels. And although 
 I have not been much converfant in 
 maritime aflFair^^ I believe our | naval 
 officers have now learned to manage 
 their boifterous fubjects by firm and 
 peremptory orders, without the ufe of 
 thofe tremendous oaths which were 
 formerly deemed indifpenfable inllru- 
 ments for maintaining their authority. 
 
 I could, almoft, forgive an honeil 
 tar, indeed, his familiar ufe of this pro- 
 fane language, becaule it is generally 
 the overflowing of his benevolence. 
 If he *' d-mns your eyes," it is becaufe 
 he is glad to fee you ; and though he 
 *' d-mns your blood," he would fpill 
 his own blood to fave your life. 
 
 Thefe high-founding words, indeed, 
 feem, in general, to be no more than 
 unmeaning expletives ; and though ex- 
 tremely foolifh, can hardly be deemed 
 wicked, Yet, when an half-bred g?2~ 
 
 llevian.
 
 ON PROPAWiiJrE'ssi '37 
 
 thmdn, through mere'wantonnefs, pro- 
 fanes that name, which every one is 
 fuppofed to reverence, in polite, rhuch 
 more'in ferious and religious company; 
 he ftiould be treated as a military of- 
 ficer Would, Or fhould, treat an ill-brerf 
 fellow', who vented treafonable or dif- 
 refpectful expreflions againft the fb-o 
 vereign whom he ferves. 
 
 But there is another fpecies of pro- 
 fanenefs, which, indeed, fuggefled the 
 idea of this Elfay, and which is too 
 common amongft decent people, I 
 mean the introducing on frivolous oc- 
 cafions, as embellifhments to their dif- 
 courfe or writings, tke exprelTions or 
 allufions to the facred v/ritinsfs. 
 
 o 
 
 Yet, where only the peculiarity, or 
 perhaps, beauty of the phrafe is al- 
 luded to, and no difrefpect intended, 
 or any fentiment ridiculed, though 
 there may not be much wit, there may 
 not be any profanenefs in the prac^ 
 tice. 
 
 p 3 Mr.
 
 qS on j?rqia?(enss, 
 
 Mr. Pope, who had had a religious 
 education, and, though a Ca^ho^ic, was 
 ^ell-verfed in the.Scriptures, has fre- 
 quent allufions of this kind. Thus, 
 in his Defence of Poetry, amopgft 
 other ufes to which it has been ap- 
 plied, he mentions Pfalm-fingin^, and 
 its influence on the multitude. 
 
 " The blessing thrills through all the labouring 
 
 throng, ' 
 
 ''And ' beavn is "won hy violence of song."* 
 
 And when he fays,' in alluflon to the 
 Beatitude, of thofe wretched Garreteers, 
 who undergo the diftrefs of martyrs 
 and confelTors, for a precarious fubfift- 
 tence, or for fame. 
 
 *''.Who hunger and who thirst for scribbling sake." 
 
 Though he makes free with the Scrip- 
 ture expreffion, it is only to fhow the 
 folly of thofe votaries of dulnefs, who 
 
 Alluding to Matt. xii. 11. "the violent take 
 it by force." 
 
 fufTer
 
 ON PROFANENESS* 29 
 
 fuffer more for fame and famine, than^ 
 a good chriftian does for the happiners^ 
 of heaven. Even in the following in- 
 
 ftanee':" ' ''.?::^ "' '. ' ,'njvi^i 
 
 *' What tho' thy works an hundred hawkers Igg^d* 
 *' On wings of wind come flying all abroad." 
 
 Though he alludes to a fublime idea 
 of the Divinity, it is merely Stern- 
 hold's expreflion which he parodied; 
 
 Of this plea then, and of this greaC 
 example, I would willingly avail my" 
 Jelf't that if I have atariy time, without 
 due attention, made ufe of any cxpref-^ 
 lions which may give offence to any 
 ferious or fenfible men ; or in tho pre- 
 ceding Effay, ' on the future condition 
 of the fexes," I have treated the fub- 
 jeft in any part with unbecoming le- 
 vity ; I here declare, with regard to the 
 firll cafe, that no one can have a more 
 profound veneration for the facred 
 Scriptures than I have. And though 
 Mr. Paine fays, <* he could have writ- 
 ten
 
 ^O ON PROF ANEN ESS. 
 
 tien a better book than tbe Bible," I 
 defy him, and all the philofopher$ in 
 France, to produce a work ancient or 
 modern, of fo extenfive and multifa- 
 rious a kind, in which the hiflorical 
 j)art is written with greater beauty and 
 fimplicity, or from which a better fyf- 
 tem of politics, or (allowing for the 
 prevalence of fome opinions in dif- 
 ferent ages of the world) a purer fcheme 
 of morals can be extracted ; or, without 
 any exception, where an equal or fo 
 divine an inftitute qf religion has beeij, 
 oflPered to mankind. 
 
 And as to the fecond cafe, I alfo de- 
 clare, tjiat no one has a more awful 
 fenfe of a future flate of exiflence than 
 the author of this Effay : And though 
 Dr. Prieflley' opinion of the fubje61; 
 firft fuggefted the hint of difcuffing it, 
 in the progrefs it has really been a re- 
 ligious exercife, and has induced him 
 to refle6l more ferioufly on that awful 
 iubje^l than olherwife he probably 
 
 would
 
 ON PROFANENEJS. ^il. 
 
 would have done. And if any difla- 
 tisfied beauty, or any defpairing dam- 
 fel, fliould condefcend to perufe it with 
 attention, it may, he humbly hopes, 
 produce in them a fimilar eflPeft ; it 
 may prove falutary to the one, and 
 conjolatory to the other. 
 
 H
 
 4l^ - ON DELICACY- -^ 
 
 ON 
 
 J>ELICACY OF MANNERS. 
 
 Delicacy conflfts in a nice fenfe of 
 propriety and decorum in our words- 
 and aftions, and a ftri6l attention not 
 to wound the feelings of our affociates 
 by any exprellion, or to betray a want 
 of refpeft by our behaviour, towards 
 thofe with whom we converfe. Deli- 
 cacy, though not a moral virtue, is at 
 leaft a fecial duty, and of great impor- 
 tance to render our intercourfe with 
 each other a real enjoyment. 
 
 Delicacy does not require us to flat- 
 ter, or even to palliate the vices of our 
 acquaintances, but carefully to avoid 
 giving them pain, by allufions to any 
 misfortunes or paft mifcondu6l, or to 
 any foible or fmgularity, which may 
 happen to mark their perfon or their 
 ^haradcr. 
 
 But
 
 O-F MANNERS^ 4^ 
 
 But delicacy alfo more particularly" 
 obliges us to be cautious not to excite 
 any immodeft or unchafte ideas, or to 
 fuggeft by our actions or expreffions. 
 any thing difgufting or offeniive to the. 
 
 imagination. 
 
 The ancient Perfian, every one 
 knows, tl^ought it indecent to fpit or 
 blow, their nofe in company, or to dif-^ 
 cover any other fymptom of fuperflu- 
 ous humours, (the effefl of immoderate 
 indulgence) in the habit of their bodies. 
 
 And the Mahometans, as an inllance 
 of delicacy in another refpe6l, ufually 
 fit with their arms crofs'd on their 
 breads, to prevent their touching any 
 part of their body which -decency re- 
 quires to be concealed. 
 
 How often however do we offend, 
 from thoughtleffnefs or fome lefs ex- 
 cufeable motive, in all thefe refpccls! 
 we daily behold people wantonly {port- 
 ing with the feelings of others, and not 
 only alluding to, but ridiculing, per- 
 haps.
 
 44 ON DELICACY^ 
 
 haps, the unavoidable or natural de- 
 fers or peculiarities of their company? 
 " They fcatter firebrands and arrows'* 
 at random, if their dull and frigid con- 
 ceits may deferve that name ; and often 
 wound unintentially, perhaps, the 
 hearts of harmlefs individuals. 
 
 But, in mixt company, we cannot be 
 too much on our guard in thefe in- 
 ftances ; as by negligence and want of 
 thought we may happen to diftrefs our- 
 felves as much as the perfon who fuf- 
 fers by our random refleflions. 
 
 I remember a very good-natured 
 man, who, at a public ordinary, was 
 cenfuring a reverend divine for his un^ 
 governable paffions ; and giving a par- 
 ticular inftance of an ouferap-e he had 
 teen guilty of in a paroxyfm of wrath. 
 *' Why, it is very probable," fays a 
 gentleman who fat near him, " for my 
 father was a choleric man" "What! 
 
 is Dr. your brother, Sir? (I fin- 
 
 perely beg your pardon } but though 
 
 the
 
 OF MANNERS. 45 
 
 the Dr. is, as you exprefs it, a little 
 choleric, he is a very worthy man, and 
 we will drink his health.". This was 
 rather a laughable afFair. -t 
 
 But I never heard a more cruel in*- 
 Ilanceof indelicacy than that in a lady 
 of rigid virtue, who, in a large com- 
 pany, having heard the name of a 
 lovely young creature, who fat near 
 her, exclaimed in a loud whifper, within 
 her hearing, " I hope this is not the 
 young woman who had a baftard not 
 long fince." The poor girl, of courfe, 
 left the company into which fhe had 
 been admitted, from the peculiarity of 
 her fituation; having been feduced 
 when ihe was hardly fourteen. The 
 lady of the houfe afked the accufer 
 how Ihe could be fo inhuman as to 
 fliock the poor young lady ? * A faucy 
 pufs/' fays fhe, ' I was determined to 
 give her an hint of it" And indeed it 
 v/as rather an indciicale hint, and at 
 lead unneccllhry, iinlcfs flie had been 
 
 called
 
 called upon to gfve her evidence iti t 
 tourt of juftice. 
 
 As to exciting immodeft or difguft- 
 ing ideas, we ftill pride ourfelves upon 
 a frukrt double entendre, or wanton al- 
 iufion ; we fpit upon the carpet, or 
 throw our legs on the table, and in- 
 dulge ourfelves in other contemptuous 
 attitudes, to the offence of well-bred 
 people. 
 
 But it is more efpecially incumbent 
 on that lovely fex, who from the finer 
 texture of their nerves, have almoft an 
 inftindive perception of what is inde- 
 licate ; and, by their charms, have fo 
 great an influence in refining our man- 
 ners, to avoid every fpecies of inde- 
 corum. And, indeed, they feem greatly 
 improved, within a few years, in this 
 refpe6t. 
 
 The affe6lation of fpitting in their 
 pocket handkerchief in company; or, 
 at table, rummaging the remote cavities 
 of their mouth an^ gums with their 
 
 napkin
 
 , Of MANNER'S. f7. 
 
 naipklnj and then boldly fquirting out 
 the water into the glafs ; and fome 
 other indelicate cuftoms are now laid 
 afide : and perhaps it is rather inde- 
 licate to mention thefe particulars- 
 Nay, they appear to me to be run- 
 ning into the contrary extreme, of too 
 much refinement in fome refpeb. 
 And in an age not diflinguiflied for the 
 aufterity of the female charaSer, or their 
 conjugal fidelity ; notwithftatiding the 
 freedom of their aftions, they feem ra- 
 ther too fqueamilh in their expreifions. 
 A lady who, in a figurative fenfe, is 
 known to wear the hreechesj would not 
 for the world prosounce the word- 
 Not conlidering that every, word they 
 fubftitute in its place will, by convey- 
 ing the fame idea, foon become equally 
 obnoxious. We feem to be imitatins: 
 the French verbofity ; but, by our cir- 
 cumlocutions and foftening expreflions, 
 we are in danger of corrupting and di- 
 ininirning the force of our language. 
 
 Moniicur
 
 4^ ON liELICACY, Sec. 
 
 Monfieur and Madame haVe not the 
 rnofl perfeft regard for each other, fays 
 a Frenchman ; whereas a blunt Englifh- 
 man would fay, The man and his wife 
 hate one another confoundedly. 
 
 In fhort, though 
 
 *' Immodest words admit of no pretence >** 
 
 yet, as Swift obferves, that ** nice peo- 
 ple have nafty ideas ;" fo thofe who 
 are too faftidioufly delicate may be 
 fufpe6led to have indelicate ideas ; and 
 by too fcrupuloufly hefitating to call 
 things by their appropriate names, may- 
 excite immodefl thoughts in thofe they 
 converfe with, and produce the very 
 eflFe6l they would wifh to avoid. 
 
 ON
 
 : i [ 49 ] i. 
 
 ,^ 
 
 Lro,!l. ^^ 
 
 THE MORAL SENSE. 
 
 .By the Moral fenfe^ every one knows 
 modern philofophers underftand an 
 ,inftin6i;ive perception of the beauty or 
 .the deformity of virtuous or of vicious 
 \a6lions, attended with approbation or 
 .difgufl, previoufly to any reflexion on 
 their confequences either to ourfelves 
 or to others. To this moral fenfe, 
 though differently expreffed, the an- 
 cient moraliftSj particularly the philo- 
 fophical Cicero, frequently allude, as 
 do many of our writers of the laft cen- 
 tury ; particularly the learned, though 
 fceptical, Lord Herbert, who fpeaks in 
 fuch high terms of certain innate prin- 
 ciples, or maxims of moral conduct, as 
 to fuperfede the neceffity of a Revcla^ 
 tion, 
 
 Jl Mr,
 
 ^O OF THE MORAL SENSE. 
 
 Mr. Lock, therefore, having denied 
 the exiflence of any innate ideas, and 
 feeing the pernicious tendency of Lord 
 Herbert's opinion on this fubje6l, of 
 courfe reje6led all innate principles or 
 maxims either fpeculative or praclical, 
 for which he is, rather indecently, ridi- 
 duled by his noble pupil, Lord Shafts- 
 bury ; who flrongly infills upon this 
 moral inJiinB, at leaft, by which we in- 
 flantaneoufly approve or difapprove of 
 certain aftions, affedlions and charac- 
 ters ; in which he has been followed by 
 the Glafgow profeffor Huchefon and 
 others, whofe fentiments on this fubjeft 
 have been generally adopted. 
 
 Bifhop Warburton indeed makes this 
 inftinftive Moral f^nje, in conjun6lion 
 with tlie fitnefs of things, and their con- 
 formity to truth and the will of God, 
 one of the three columns eflential to 
 the fupport of virtue and moral obli- 
 gation.* 
 
 * Burlamaghi does the same. B. ii. c. 3. 
 
 I was
 
 . OF THE MORAL SENSE. ^1 
 
 I was not a little furprized and cha- 
 grined, therefore, to have my princi- 
 ples fhaken, and almoft overturned, by 
 the authority of fo judicious and lu- 
 minous a writer as Dr. Paley,* who, 
 though he fairly difcufles the point, 
 and feems to give the flrength of the 
 arguments on each fide, yet he evi- 
 dently inclines to the oppofite opinion, 
 which he illuftrates by the very fame 
 inftances made ufe of by Mr. Lock, 
 though they bad been fully refuted, as 
 was fiippofcd,.by Huchefon and others. 
 
 As Dr. Paley, in dating the fubje6l 
 of the difpute, takes it for granted 
 that the Moral fenjc and innate maxims 
 are only different expreffions for the 
 fame thing; this, as it appears to 
 me, has mifled him, as in fome mea- 
 fure, I believe, it did Mr. Locke : 
 Since they neither of them diTiinguifh 
 innate maxims of m.oral conduct ; 
 fuch as Lord Herbert had fpecified, 
 
 * Principle* of Moral Phl'oscphy, vol. i. p. 9. 
 L 2 . from
 
 ;^2 ON THE MORAL SENSE. 
 
 from our natural feelings or inftin6live 
 . fenfations ; which furely are as differ- 
 ent as founds or colours from our fenfe 
 of hearing or feeing : The former be- 
 ing Truths, to which, though not in- 
 nate, we cannot refufe our affent, when 
 :we underfland the terms and exercife 
 our reafoninff faculties about them. 
 The latter is a mental faculty, which 
 anticipates reafon ; ?ivid feels inftantane- 
 ous pleafure or diftguft, from certain 
 aftions or charalers, which prefent 
 themfelves to our notice. 
 
 Thus, though we have no innate 
 idea, nor any fuch moral maxim or 
 propofition, implanted in our minds, 
 that *' a generous aftion ought to be 
 approved ;" yet no one can fee or hear 
 of a good man's relieving a family in 
 diftrefs, orfaving a friend from deflruc- 
 tion, without a fcnfible pleafure and 
 the higheft approbation. 
 
 To difprove the univerfality of this 
 principle of the moral fcnfe, Dr. Paley 
 
 produces
 
 ON THE MORAL SENSE. 53 
 
 produces the inflances quoted by Mr. 
 Locke, of feveral immoral opinions and 
 pra6lices recorded by hillorians and 
 travellers, which have prevailed and 
 been publicly countenanced in diflFerent 
 countries and ages of the world. Yet 
 none of thefe, I think, prove, that thp 
 generality of mankind have not the 
 moral fenfe, any more than the many 
 irrational practices which abound in the 
 world prove, that mankind in general 
 are abfolutely void of reafon. It feemsj, 
 indeed, as if thcfe writers were biailed 
 in favour of their own hypothefis, to 
 lay any ftrefs on the opinions or prac- 
 tices of a few favages, or of men, but 
 one remove from the brute creation, and 
 whofe real opinions it may be difficult 
 to difcover. 
 
 Education and cuftom may obliterate 
 the impreffions of nature, and habit 
 u[urp her place. Self-intereft or am- 
 bition frequently induce men to violate 
 the diftatcs of humanity, and to ftiflc 
 E 3 the
 
 ^4 ^^ THE MORAL SEKSE. 
 
 the tendereft feelings of nature. Yet 
 we never read of the expofing of chil- 
 dren, for inftance, but in oppofition to 
 the relu6lance of the mother^ and the 
 compafFion of the inflruments in fuch 
 unnatural fervices. Nor can we fup^ 
 pofe, that any barbarian could ever ex- 
 pofe to death an infirm or aged parent, 
 without the utmoft compun6lion and 
 horror, even when fuch fhocking pro- 
 ceedings had been fanfticned by cuf- 
 tom. 
 
 As for what Dr. Paley fays of chil- 
 dren, that *' they acquire thefe moral 
 fentiments and expreflions of affeftion 
 and concern from imitation."' To this 
 I can only anfwer, that I have feen in- 
 num.erable inflances, where, at a very 
 early age, children have exprelTed 
 themfeives ftrongly interefted in ads 
 of generofity, benevolence, or heroic 
 courage, in the tales of giants or faries, 
 which have been told or read to them ; 
 vv'hich, in my opinion, unequivocally 
 
 proves
 
 ON TKE NfORAL SEKSfi." 5^ 
 
 proves them M have been pcxffeffed of 
 this moral in{lin,6t, independaritly of 
 zny imitation or inftruftion, or any 
 th'ercaufe than the genuine feelings of 
 niatufdj,. 'ur- i .' : , ' ^i J i -'' i 
 
 In ftiort, I am perfuaded that Dri 
 Paley ranuft dfitefl the inferettce which 
 i: Mandeville Or a Voltaire wolild^ dra^ 
 from his opinion on this fubjeft, that 
 Virtue and Vice arc dependent on edu- 
 cation, cuftom or fafhion.* Nor would 
 the author of the ** Horas Paulinas" 
 and the ''Evidences of Chriflianitv," 
 countenance Hume's fcepticifm, or 
 any opinion hoflile to revelation. 
 
 I do not fee, therefore, what the 
 quotation from Hume's Principles of 
 Morals is intended to prove : Nor Avhy 
 Dr. Paley, in his dedication to Bifhop 
 Law, fhould **wifh to difcard every 
 article from Chriftianity that contra- 
 dicts our experience," which is the very 
 argument that Hume oppofcs to the 
 belief of miracles. 
 * Hoc Ithacus velit et masno merceutur achlvi. Mr,
 
 ^6 O.N THE MORAL SENSE. 
 
 An unfkilful advocate may injure a 
 good caufe. But 1 wifh this fubjeft 
 of a moral fenfe were difcuffed by a 
 more able hand, or revifed by Dr^ 
 Paley himfelf ; as, I make no doubt j 
 he would gladly retra^ any hypothecs 
 which tended to undermine, or in the 
 leaft degree to weaken the fupports of 
 moral virtue. . l 
 
 ';j:: 
 
 TPIEATRICO-
 
 [ m ] 
 
 THEATR I CO. MA NIA; 
 
 AN ESSAY 
 ON THE RAGE 
 
 FOR 
 
 J'RIVATE THEATRICAL EXHIBITIONS, 
 
 " Time was, a sober Englishman would knock 
 His serv^ants up, and rise by five o'clock : 
 Instruct his family in Virtue's rule; 
 And send his wife to church his son to school. 
 
 Now times are chang'd 
 Sons, sires, and grandsires, all will wear the bays. 
 Our wives read Milton and our daughters Plays:"* 
 
 Pope's Epistle*. 
 
 Thus it was in Pope's time; and thus 
 far was not much amil's : Though their 
 daughters read plays, we do not find 
 that they attempted to ad them. But 
 in our times, not only our daughters, 
 but our wives, our mothers and our 
 grandmothers, I do not fay read, but 
 
 aH
 
 58 THEATRICO-MANIA. 
 
 cH plays. And we may fay, in a lite- 
 ral fenfe, what Shakfpcare's melancholy 
 Jaques fays in a figurative one : 
 
 * All the world's a stage, 
 And all the men and women merely players." 
 
 There is hardly a family in high or 
 low life, that has not its theatre of fome 
 kind or other, and its occafional per- 
 formers. Not only Brandeburgh-houfe^ 
 bat many a noble houfe of lefs noto- 
 riety is frequently opened for thefe 
 drdmatie exhibition^. Thither you fee 
 allembled animals of every defcription, 
 like thofe in Noah's ark, clean and un- 
 clean ; pure and impure ; grave and 
 gay; gamblers and grumblers; who, 
 diifatisfied with themfelves and every 
 thing around them, take refuge here, 
 driven from home through dread of 
 folitude, and that green-eyed miOnller 
 Ennuie, 
 
 If their magnificent feats in the 
 country be the fcene of a6lion, which 
 
 fome
 
 THEATRICO-MANIA, 59 
 
 fbme few of our nobility and gentry flill 
 prefer to a dirty lodging at Brighton or 
 Margate : or, at lead, when driven from 
 the metropolis by the duft in fummer, 
 and from the fea-ports by the equinoc- 
 tial rains in Autumn ; thev contrive to 
 fupport thcmfelvcs for a month or two 
 by giving their rural retreat fome re- 
 femblance of a public place; and col- 
 lefting a croud of half-civilized favages 
 from the furrounding neighbourhood, 
 to fee the raree-fhow and applaud their 
 performances. 
 
 Hence the humour has fpread itfelf 
 amongft their tenants fons and daugh- 
 ters ; who, in imitation of their right 
 honourable or right worfhipful neigh- 
 bours, fpout heroics in their barns, 
 v^ith as much vehemence, though not 
 always with fo much corrcclnefs * of 
 
 * A friend of mine was pre<irnt at one of these 
 Thespian exhibitions, when a young swain thui 
 addressed a recruitiiig serjeantj " Sur, I undur- 
 stand you have latelj- made a campag-ne." ^'c, 
 
 elocution,
 
 6q tiieatrico-mania, 
 
 elocution, as their landlords have done 
 *^ in hall or bower." 
 
 As for the pra6lice fo much in vogue 
 of late in our public fchools of per- 
 forming Englijli plays, I know not what 
 ^o fay. It is countenanced by perfons 
 pf fo mucl^ fenfe ^nd refpeftability, 
 and on fuch plaufible arguments, that 
 J fhould think it the height of pre- 
 sumption abfolutely to condemn it. 
 
 ** As rnofl boys, who have a clafTical 
 education, fay they, are intended tQ 
 Jpeak either at the bar or in the pulpit^ 
 or perhaps in the fenate-houfe, they 
 cannot be too foon habituated to fpeak 
 in public. It gives them a proper con-; 
 fidence and an unembarailed elocution. 
 A man will never excel as an orator 
 (fomebody hasobferved) who does not 
 confider his audience as fo many cab- 
 bage flems." 
 
 This is very true : But \s^t them, 
 therefore, be accuRomed to repeat with 
 ^ proper emphafis and in a graceful 
 
 manner.
 
 THEATRICO-MANIA. : 6l 
 
 manner, fome parts of the orations of 
 Cicero, or fpeeches in Saluft, or even 
 the debates of our Britifh Senators : or, 
 if you pleafe, fome paflages from our 
 belt tragedies, or from the Latin or 
 Engiifti poets, with appropriate gef- 
 tures and fome degree of aBion. But 
 I do not fee any good end it can an- 
 fiver, to make a boy a mimic or a buf- 
 foon. Every man fhould be a good 
 fpeaker, but why muil every man be a 
 good a6lor ? 
 
 Yet Rofcius, you will fay, was Ci- 
 cero's mafter in aBlon^ as well as nx 
 Tpeaking. ABioriy no doubt, was of 
 great fervicc to a pleader in popular 
 affemblies, fuch as thofe of Rome and 
 Athens. Yet the natural modefty and 
 good fcnfe of an Englifh audience can 
 never be pleafed with any violent geRi- 
 culation. And tlie mob, who are fo 
 much captivated by the harangues of 
 llie Tabernacle, are afl'efted more by 
 the appcaran;:c of the preacher's being 
 
 in
 
 ^2 THEATRICO-MANIA. 
 
 in earnefi, than by his thumping the 
 cufhion and his vociferation. And if 
 the London dergy of the eftablifhment 
 would add a little more vehemence to 
 their compofed and decent attitudes, I 
 am conA inced they would have more 
 hearers and more admirers. 
 
 But there is one objelion to thefe 
 dramatic rcprefentations in grammar 
 fchoolSjV/hich perhaps maybe peculiarly 
 fo to me, that fome of the boys mult ne- 
 ceffarily bemetamorphofed,forthetime, 
 into the other fex. And though I have 
 been rather pleafed with the partiality 
 of a fond mother, delighted to fee what 
 an handfome girl her booby fon would 
 make, it is to me a difguflino: fight. 
 
 Not to mention, that the applaufe 
 which they are fure to receive from, 
 perhaps, an interefted audience, muft 
 naturally cxxite their youthful vanity, 
 and make them coxcombs. And I 
 have known m.ore than one inftance 
 where, when a boy had performed his 
 
 part
 
 THEATRICO-MANIA. ^3 
 
 part to admiration^ he has flattered 
 himfelf that his education was finiftied, 
 and has become idle and diffipated ever 
 after. 
 
 An equally ferious confequence of 
 thefe performances in great fchools, of 
 which we fee many inftances, is the en- 
 couraging young lads, intended for 
 more creditable employments, in com- 
 mencino- ftrollers, and makingr it their 
 profeflion, to the difappointment of 
 their parents, and the perverfton and 
 mifapplication of talents, which might 
 have been employed for more ufeful 
 purpofes. 
 
 But fo fond are we of everv thin^ 
 theatrical, that our young ladies of 
 rank, inflead of the graceful movements 
 of the minuet or the Louvre*, in which 
 
 * Tliere is something in the music of that 
 dance, as well as the graceful attitudes, which al- 
 ways gave me a grand idea of the court of Lewei 
 the XIV. which, by all accounts, was far less li- 
 centious than the nocturnal revels of the French 
 Republic. 
 
 their
 
 ^4 THEATRICO-MANIA^ 
 
 their grandmothers appeared to Co 
 much advantage, are now taught tcf 
 emulate the dancers of the flage; and, 
 what is worfe, it is to be feared, their 
 inJlruBoreJfes in thefe dances will in- 
 troduce, not only the facinating atti- 
 tudes and loofe drapery, but the vo- 
 luptuous morals of the French nation. 
 As for the general effe6l which thofe 
 private theatrical exhibitions may have 
 in forming the chara6ler and influenc- 
 ing the condu6l of the rifmg generation, 
 I fhall only obfervc, that whatever 
 moral precepts our modern dramatic 
 writers may inculcate ; yet, as the green- 
 rooms of our public theatres, were 
 never reckoned ichools of rigid virtue; 
 fo, I am afraid, the private apartments 
 in noblemen's and gentlemen's houfes, 
 where the young people retire to change 
 their dreffes and the like, have been 
 productive of more than one intrigue, 
 and elopements, and improper mar- 
 riages, to the diltrefs of families, and 
 
 often.
 
 THEATRICO-MANIA. 65 
 
 often, perhaps, the ruin of the thought- 
 lefs parties themfelves. 
 
 This prevailing rage for theatrical 
 repreCentations feems to have taken its 
 rife from the fame fource.as fafhions iit 
 general ; from a natural defire of imi- 
 tating what we admire in thofe who 
 fliine or are fuppofed to excel in any 
 art, accomplifhment, or natural endow- 
 ment. Thus, a young lady and gentle- 
 man are ftricken with the romantic 
 charafters and elegant reprefentation of 
 Romeo and Juliet; or, perhaps, the 
 former with the Fair Penitent, and the 
 latter with the gallant, gay Lothario; 
 and they immediately flatter themfelves 
 that they fhall refpeftively fhine, and 
 be admired in the fame charafters. 
 
 This fondnefs for imitating what we 
 admire in others, indeed, extends itfelf 
 through almoft every department of 
 life. 
 
 A fpirited young dowager is pleafed 
 
 ^vith the triumphant air and elevated 
 
 F fituation
 
 66 TKEATRICO-MANIA. 
 
 lituation of her coachman on his box. 
 Immediately fhe wraps herfelf up in an 
 horfeman's coat, with a feven-fold 
 cape, mounts her pheton, flourifhes 
 her whip and 
 
 *' Graceful as John, she moderates the reins, 
 " And \\histles sweet her diuretic strains. 
 
 Young's Sat. 
 
 Another handfome woman is fmitten 
 with the helmet of a young volunteer, 
 and gets her milliner to make her a 
 bonnet fomewhat fimilar to it: This 
 probably has introduced the univcrjid 
 fafhion of the ftraw fcull-cap, refem- 
 bling the baiket hilt of a cudgel -player. 
 But fafhioni> are like quack-medicines ; 
 what becomes one woman may be fatal 
 to the charms of another. As we can- 
 not fee too much of a pretty woman's 
 face; fo the lefs is feen of a plain wo- 
 man's the better. The prevalence of 
 falhion, however, is equally applicable 
 to both fexts. But as this is a digreflion 
 
 from
 
 THEATRICO-MANIA. 67 
 
 from my fubjeft, I fhall only add, that 
 if a man who has been abfent from his 
 country feven years, were now to return 
 to England, arid to fee our ladies in 
 their fcull-caps- and pellices, and the 
 gentlemen in their pantaloons, he 
 Would think they were dreffed for a 
 mafqucrade ; or rather that an epi- 
 tiemic frenzy had infedled the whole 
 beau-monde. 
 
 Though I have kept chiefly to the 
 literal fenfe in this Effay, I fhall con- 
 clude it with one obvious moral, fo 
 often inculcated by Epictetus, Anto- 
 ninus, and the other Stoic philofophers, 
 *' Remember that you are to act a part 
 in the drama of life, at the will of the 
 manager; whether that of a patrician 
 or a plebeian. Your bufinefs is to act 
 the part allotted you to the befl of your 
 abilities: To allot the part is the bu- 
 finefs of the manager." 
 
 Let thefe candidates for fame then, 
 
 fchefc tragi-comic performers of either 
 
 f 2 fex.
 
 68 THEATRICO-MANIA. 
 
 fex, endeavour to perform with prO" 
 priety their feve^al parts in the relative 
 duties of life ; as fons and daughters; 
 hufbands and wi^ves ; or mafters and 
 miftrefles of families, j^nd, infleaci 
 of intruding into, and perhaps injur* 
 ing the poor player in his preftfhon j 
 and inftead of " ftrutting their hour on 
 the ftage," to gain the momentary ap^- 
 plaufe of a frivolous audience, let them 
 Jtlrive to acquire the conftant approba- 
 tion and efteem of the gotd and wife, 
 who are the fpectators of their con- 
 duct. And, above all, of the great 
 Mailer of the drama of life, who has 
 allotted them their parts, and is the 
 only competent judge of their per- 
 formance, and capable of affigning 
 them an adequate reward- 
 
 on
 
 C 69 ] 
 
 ON 
 
 .- ; CONVERSATION. 
 
 *' I hate a />o/-companion with a good memoty.'* 
 
 TttERt cannot be a more fevere fatire 
 on the ufual ftrain of convivial conver- 
 fation, than is implied in this proverbial 
 maxim of the ancient Greeks. It be- 
 trays a confcioufnefs of the trifling, if 
 not abfurd, or repreheniible kind of 
 communication which too often pre- 
 vails on thofe occafions. The moft 
 cautious and referved, in the freedom 
 of focial intercourfe, frequently let fail 
 fome remarks or expreflions which they 
 would wifh to recall, or would bluQi to 
 have remembered or repeated. And the 
 herd of jovial companions generally 
 talk at random, or indulge themfelves 
 in fuch incoherent unmeaning loqua- 
 F 3 city.
 
 70 ON CONVERSATION. 
 
 city, as can neither be rememhered nor 
 repeated. As they facrifice more to 
 Bacchus than to Minerva, their wine 
 puts Wifdom to flight, and Folly reigns 
 triumphant, 
 
 " I drank ; I liked it not ; 'twas rage, 'twas noise. 
 ''An airy scene of transitory joys. 
 
 " And when, at dawn of day, fair Reason's light 
 " Broke thro' the funics and phantoms of the night, 
 " What had been said f I asked myself." Priok. 
 
 In general, indeed, thofe agreeable 
 Qonverfations which we daily hear men- 
 tioned as having been enjoyed ^ven in 
 the fociety of diftinguiihed charafters, 
 if rigidly fcrutinized, would, probably, 
 fall far fhort of our expe6lation. I 
 never had the honour of being ad- 
 mitted to the aflembly of the has bleu, 
 club, which confifls of the mofl cele- 
 brated female characters in the king- 
 dom. But from thofe who have en- 
 joyed that felicity, I have heard that 
 the converfation often turned upon 
 falhions, the occurrences of the day, 
 
 and
 
 ON CONVERSATION. y% 
 
 and other chit-chat which prevails in 
 other female affemblies. ^ 
 
 In fo numerous a mixed company, 
 indeed, where every one comes full 
 charged with literature and fcience, 
 ready primed for explofion, a little 
 harmlefs fmall-talk among the lefs en- 
 lightened members, may be better than 
 one general dii'charge of wit and learn- 
 ing from the whole affembly, which 
 muft neceffarily produce a Babel of 
 confufion. 
 
 But, what ! then, are we to believe, 
 that the obfervations of fome of our beft 
 writers is unfounded ? "That the hours 
 fpent in convrrfation with our friends, 
 are fome of the moil delightful poitions 
 of our rxiflcnce." By no means; what 
 I would infinuate is, that when a nu- 
 rrerous coifcourfe of individuals, un- 
 connected and of different difpoGtions, 
 is allernbled together in one company; 
 each ambitious of difplaying his elo- 
 (|uence and gaining attention, or ob- 
 
 trudintj
 
 ya ON CONVERSATION. 
 
 truding his intelligence of frivolous 
 occurrences, uninterefling to the com* 
 pany, though, perhaps, gratifying to 
 himfelf, this may be called talking, or 
 haranguing, or what you pleafe, but 
 hardly merits the name of converfation. 
 
 As for thofe tumultuous afTemblies 
 called routs, we might as well expe6l 
 edifying converfation from a flight of 
 martins and fwallows on the eve of 
 their migration, as from fuch a multi- 
 farious concourfe of fluttering fops, 
 and flaunting flirts as are there ufually 
 crowded together. An evening at a 
 tavern is generally fpent in an equally 
 infignificant, though, perhaps, more 
 joyous and fociable, and lefs formal 
 flyle of converfation. 
 
 But when a fmall circle of friends 
 and acquaintance, of nearly equal rank 
 and of fimilar difpoutions and habits 
 of life meet together, defirous to pleafe 
 and to be pleafed, the reciprocal commu- 
 nication of fentiments and obfervations, 
 
 with
 
 ON CONVERSATION, 73- 
 
 with kindnefs and good-humour, can- 
 not but be highly plealing and improv- 
 ing to all parties. But the ufual error 
 of too many is a delire to fhine, rather 
 than to inform, and to pleafe them; 
 felves rather than their company, by 
 engroffing more than their due Ihare of 
 the converfation. 
 
 They have no defire to be informed 
 or divefled themfelves, but think thofe 
 th moft agreeable companions who 
 will patiently attend to their fupe-r 
 rior wifdom, and admire their fplen- 
 did talents, and applaud their elo- 
 quence. 
 
 This accounts for the gratification 
 which the French lady received from 
 the vilit of I'riflram Shandy. She de- 
 clared to every one (he met, * that flie 
 never had a more improving converfa- 
 tion, than with that gentleman, though 
 (fays he) the lady had all the converfa- 
 tion to herfelf ; for, I call heaven to 
 
 witnefs.
 
 74 ON CONVERSATION, 
 
 witne fs, that not five words pafTed my 
 lips." 
 
 We may conclude then, I think, that 
 the pleafure which we receive from 
 the converfation of a circle of friends, 
 does not arife from the fine things 
 which are faid, the fhrewd obfervations 
 which are made, the learning which is 
 fhewn, or the wit v/hich is difplayed, . 
 fo much as from the benevolent difpo- 
 fition, and the exercife of the kind af- 
 fcdions* which accompany this friendly 
 itercourfe, and the eafe and freedom 
 with which every one delivers his fen- 
 timents, propofes his doubts, or unbo- 
 fomshimfelf, of any remarks which he 
 may have made, and which he wiflbes 
 to communicate. When, therefore, 
 you may have met with this refined 
 gratification, and enjoyed an Attic en- 
 tertainment, do not boafl of your good 
 fortune, nor tell eveiy one you meet 
 
 * Arnicorum conspectus ipse dtlectat, Seneca. 
 
 wliat
 
 ON CONVERSATION. 75 
 
 what an agreeable converfation, or de- 
 lightful evening you havefpent; and 
 how merry or ho;v facetious you were ; 
 much lefs give any fpecimen of your 
 good cheer; for the wit or humour 
 of what is faid depends on fo many' 
 circumftances of time and place, that 
 it is ten to one, but what ** fet the ta- 
 ble in a roar" at night, will appear very 
 infipid in the morning, and what you 
 relate may be received with cold indif- 
 ference, and expofe yourfelf to the 
 fjieers, and your friends to the ridicule 
 pf perfons entirely uninterefled in your 
 unfeaibnable narrative. 
 
 AH
 
 [ 76 ] 
 
 OPPRESSIVE TAX. 
 
 This accumulated tkx on Port-wlrte 
 16 a very ferious affair ; it is taxing the 
 neceffaries of life ^ and ftrikes at the 
 very root of all conviviality, good-fel- 
 lowfliip, and Chriflian benevolence. 
 Every profeffion, Law, Phyfic, and Di- 
 vinity, and men of every rank, the 
 country gentleman, and gentleman- 
 farmer, muft feel the baneful effefts 
 of it. 
 
 Not to mention the great pleaders at 
 the bar, to whom plenty of wine is ef- 
 fential, and muft be had at any price, 
 to overcome their ufual baihfulnefs, 
 when the liberty and property of their 
 clients are at ftake ; how can a country 
 attorney attend market, and accomplifh 
 his benevolent purpofe, of reconciling 
 bis neighbours, and making peace be- 
 tween
 
 AN OPPRESSIVE TAP. 77 
 
 fween contending parties, without his 
 bottle of port at the rofe and crown? 
 
 What phyfieian of eminence could 
 ever write clafficai Latin, or prefcribe 
 intelligibly, till he was infpired by a 
 bottk of port ? So that the health an^ 
 life of his Majefty's fubjeds is really- 
 implicated in that pernicious tax. 
 
 And how cruel it is to deprive a poor 
 country divine of a comfortable glafs 
 after the duty of the day ; when he has 
 been exhaufting his fpirits in preaching 
 up temperance and fobriety, with the 
 utmoft exertion, for ten, twelve, and 
 fometimes, perhaps, Jifteen minutes, 
 without intermiffion ? 
 
 And how can a poor farmer, fince 
 the reduQion of the price of corn by 
 the arbitrary proceedings of the legifla- 
 ture,* afford himfelf a bottle of Pourt, 
 when probably he has two or three 
 daughters, who cannot attend divine 
 
 In the last scarcity of corn. 
 
 fcrvice
 
 jB AN OPPRESSIVE TAX. 
 
 fervice for want of a muflin chemife, of 
 Clk petticoat ? 
 
 Buti after all, fupplles muft be raifed, 
 and taxes be impofed on the neceffaries 
 as well as luxuries of life : let us then 
 make the befl of what cannot be 
 avoided. 
 
 Perhaps, the dearnefs of wine may 
 be attended with the fame beneficial 
 cfFefts as the late fcarcity of bread ; and 
 wake us more fpaiing in the ufe of it, 
 or find fome fubftitute in its room. 
 
 Let the ladies then, after dinner, be 
 content with three glaffes, the number 
 of the Graces ; and the gentlemen with 
 nine, the nuniber of the Mufes. 
 
 The tafte for Port-wine, like that for 
 tobacco, is an acquired tafte; and fip- 
 ping glafs after glafs a mere idle habit. 
 If a man then cannot quit his feat at 
 table till he has tippled his hour, and 
 cannot afford a pint of portj let him 
 have his pot of port-er; or, it the half, 
 
 penny
 
 AN OPPRESSIVE TAX. 79 
 
 penny additional tax diftrefs him, kt 
 him fmoke a dry pipe; or, as children 
 fometinnes do, let this habitual toper 
 fuck his thumb, till he link into a 
 pleaiing flumber, and 
 
 " Tipples imaginarv' pots of z\e" . - 
 
 and lofcs all fenfe of taxes, of the toils 
 and troubles of life, in profound ob- 
 livion. 
 
 usificiov ;
 
 - ' L 80 ] 
 
 SUSPICIOUS MEETING. 
 
 Latet anguis In herba. VtRO. 
 
 When thofe tumultuous aflemblieSj 
 called ROUTS are daily multiplying in 
 Bath and all the provincial towns, as 
 well as in the metropolis, and which 
 evidently come within the aQ againft 
 Seditious Meetings ; it behoves the ma- 
 giflrates to keep a watchful eye on their 
 proceedings. For, as there appears no 
 vifibk motive, either of pleafure or of 
 emolument, for five or fix hundred 
 people crowding together, in hot rooms, 
 at thefe no6lurnal meetings, depend 
 pon it, there is fome fecret confpiracy 
 that Ihuns the light, lurking under this 
 appearance of apathy and diffipation. 
 
 A great part of the company indeed 
 Jeem to be no otherways employed than 
 in, ftroUing up and down the rooms, 
 
 and
 
 SUSPICIOUS -MEETING. 8t 
 
 and flaring at each other with unmean- 
 ing vacant faces : yet there are certainly 
 fome dark defigns and diabolical ma- 
 chinations carrying on in thofe little 
 juntos in the corner of the room, and 
 behind the curtains in the bow-windows. 
 
 There are, indeed, four (I fuppofe 
 emigrant) Crowned Heads and their 
 Royal Conforts, who generally attend 
 thefe affemblies ; and who may be 
 thought a fafEcient pledge for the loy-^ 
 city of the company. But there are 
 likewife fome fly, defigning knaves^ and 
 ill-looked fellows in fliort great coats, 
 who, befides the fuipicion of their 
 flealing hearts, and pilfering diamonds, 
 under pretence of gallantry, have, pro- 
 bably, fome political fcheme to put in 
 execution. They have no fire-arms, 
 indeed, but they have fome Ihort cluha 
 and concealed weapons, w"hich feem to 
 indicate fome murderous intention. 
 
 In (Iiort, the ^4agi[lrates fhould not 
 
 only attend thefe dangerous affemblies, 
 
 ft which
 
 82 SUSPICIOUS MEETING. 
 
 ivhicli (co do them juftice, they gene- 
 rally do); but they fhould alfo inveft the 
 Chairmen with conjlabularian authority, 
 that they may be at hand in cafe of any 
 treafonable or burglarious praftices; to 
 prevent any feditious harangues againfl 
 the government or the conftitution ; or 
 any violation of the fecurity of locks and 
 keys, or domeflic padlocks, and the 
 like felonious attrocities. 
 
 KARRATIV2
 
 [ 83 3 
 
 NARRATIVE 
 
 OF 
 
 AN ALARMING OCCURRENCE 
 
 SAID TO HAVE TAKEN FLACE AT BATH, OCT. 3> 
 1797. 
 
 Many perfons now living can proba- 
 bly remember the conflernation and 
 confufion occalioned in Bath, about 
 fifty years fmce, by a piece of humour 
 of the honourable John Spencer, who 
 having bribed the chairmen, to feize 
 and tie up all the turnfpits on a Sun- 
 day morning (for jacks were then hardly- 
 known or little ufed in Bath) : out 
 came the fober citizens in their nisht 
 gowns and flippers, while the bell was 
 tolling for church ; *' Neighbour," fays 
 one, " did you fee my turnfpit?" 
 *' No," replies the other, " I was look- 
 ing after my own." The fame quef- 
 ^lon and anfwer circulated through 
 G % every
 
 84 AN ALARMINC 
 
 every flreet in Bath ; and many an ho-- 
 neft family was difappointed of their 
 Sunday's dinner. 
 
 Such was the alarm and confuhon 
 yefterday morning, on certain intelli- 
 gence having arrjvcd by the mail, of 
 the tax on time-pieces, on clocks and 
 iratches. For every automaton or felf- 
 moving machine of that kind in the 
 (city, by a fort of fympathetic inflinft, 
 immediately took fright, and either 
 Hood motionlefs with horror, or flew 
 off in every poffible diredion, back- 
 wards and forwards ; too faft or too 
 flow ; and all in the wrong. 
 
 '* Can you tell me what a clock it is," 
 fays one ? " My clock flands ftill." 
 * So does my watch," lays the other; 
 ' for I am not worth a clock." " W hy, 
 my watch is almofl; two^' fays a third; 
 " and my roaft beef is juft going upon 
 the table." " Zounds!" fays the firft 
 man, " my maid has not fpitted the 
 loin of veal -, and we fliall not be ready 
 
 for
 
 OCCURRENCE. '85 
 
 for church." " For church! you fool," 
 fays a by-ilander ; " the firft bell has 
 not rung ; the abbey-clock has flood 
 flill ever lince the poll came in ; and 
 the fexton is running up and down in- 
 quiring what hour it is; and faysj the 
 curate (though as meek as Mofes) is in 
 a perilous paflion, having waited in the 
 vellry- this half hour." My larum^ 
 which I always fet at five o'clock ia. 
 the morning to call me up to my flu- 
 dies, took the alarm, and ran down at 
 twelve o'clock at noon, as if the devil 
 had been in him. Nav ; the kitchen 
 jack, which calls the kitchen clock his 
 brother, as they both fpi'i^-^'g from the 
 lines of the lame blackfmith, fwore, 
 *' he would not llir an inch, while the 
 clock flood flill and did nothing." 
 
 In this confufion they all concurred 
 to curfc the war, which, fud they, is 
 the caufe of all our misfortunes. Let 
 the French cut each others throats, if 
 ihey like it, and guillotine the whole 
 G 3 illuilrioTis
 
 S6 AN ALARI^ING, &C. 
 
 illuftrious houfe of Bourbon; but to 
 have our Sunda5''s dinner fpoiled in 
 this manner, is an home-felt calamity, 
 and may juflly be reckoned amorgft 
 the horrors of war. 
 
 While they were in this diflrefs, a 
 tradefman, whofe private affairs were 
 fo far deranged by his attention to po- 
 litics and the public welfare, that he 
 could only appear on a Sunday, hear- 
 ing the fubjeft of their complaint, bid 
 them, in a lt)w voice, not be uneafy ; 
 for that the French would land in a 
 few months, and reftore liberty, and 
 free us from the burden of thefe arbi- 
 trary taxes. This produced a difpute 
 with a friend to our government, and 
 foon difperfed the aflembly. 
 
 TRIFLING
 
 [ 8/ ] 
 
 TRIFLING CRITICISMS. 
 
 It is a well-known fa61:, tliat the great 
 critic, the learned Dr. Bentley, fre- 
 quently obferves, in his editions of 
 Horace and of Milton, that if his au- 
 thors did not, they ought to have ex- 
 prefled themfelves as he correds the 
 text. And Bifhop Warburton fomc- 
 times intimates the fame in his edition 
 of Shakefpear. 
 
 Although thefe great men have been 
 fufficiently ridiculed for their prefump- 
 tion, I cannot forbear hazarding a flill 
 more bold conjeQure than either of 
 them, on the very firft line of A4ilton's 
 Paradife loft. 
 
 " Of man's first disobedience, and the fruit 
 " Of that forbidden tree, whose mortal taste 
 " Brought death mto the world/' Sec. 
 
 Now, in Read of the heavy word, dij^ 
 chedience, I cannot but think he had 
 better have written, 
 
 ' Of
 
 88 TRIFLING CRITICISMS. 
 
 *' Of man's first great transgression, and the 
 fruit," &c. 
 
 And for the following reafons. The 
 word '* difobedience" is a general ab- 
 flra6l term ; and feems to exprefs the 
 habit, rather than diXiy fmglc a^ of dif-^ 
 obedience. Thus of a fon or a fervant, 
 he ought not to be punilhed for the 
 Jirjl or fecond difobedience, but the firll 
 or fecond aH of difobedience. 
 
 I am aware that Horace, and the 
 beft critics, have eflabliflied it as a 
 rule, that the exordium of an epic 
 poem Ihould be plain and fimple, 
 merely to give the reader a general idea 
 of the fubjeft. But this precept is only 
 oppofed to that pompous Hyle, in 
 which fome writers begin their works, 
 and which generally raifes expeftation, 
 that in the fequel they feldom gratify. 
 
 After ciiticifing Milton, I may ven- 
 ture, perhaps, to mention an equally 
 trifling particular in the theatrical con- 
 
 duO;
 
 TRIFLING CRITICISMS. 8^ 
 
 dul of the brightefl ornament of the 
 Englifti ftage, the late Mr. Garrick; 
 though, indeed, it is fo very a trifle, 
 that I fhould not have taken notice of 
 it if the authority of fo great an exam- 
 ple were not daily fpreading the infec*. 
 tion. 
 
 What I allude to, is the laying the 
 accent on the firft fyllable of the word 
 ** perfume ;" becaufe Shakcfpear in 
 Othello does fo in one inflancc, as he 
 lays it wrong on half a dozen words in 
 the fame play; but in "the Taming 
 the Shrew/' he lays it on the laft i'yU 
 lable : 
 
 " For she Is sweeter than perfume Itself." 
 
 And he lays the accent on the lafl fyl- 
 lable of the verb in the preceding lines* 
 Why then fhould any modern poet 
 be guilt)' of fuch afFeclation in oppofi- 
 tion to the invariable praclice of Pope, 
 Addilcn, Swift, and every other writer 
 in verle or profc. And furely Dr. 
 
 ^ohn foil's
 
 5 TRIFLING CRITICISMS. 
 
 Johnfon's authority, in his di6lionary, 
 is at leaft equal to his friend Garrick's 
 in pronunciation. 
 
 Having mentioned Shakefpear, I take 
 this opportunity of obferving, that no 
 commentator, I believe, has taken no- 
 tice of a remarkable expreflion of his 
 in the defcriptiou of a young lady in 
 love; 
 
 *' She pined In thought, 
 
 *' And with a green and yellow melancholy 
 *' She sate, like Patience on a nionvunent, 
 *' Smiling at Grief," 
 
 Mr. Pope omitted the expreflion of 
 " green and yellow melancholy," in a 
 quotation, as of no confequence. But 
 as moll Oi the monuments, in that part 
 of the country where Shakef^^ar was 
 born, are made of alaballer of a pale 
 yellow cafl, it contracts a greenifh 
 mould in a damp church, and, 1 make 
 po doubt, fuggelled that idea. 
 
 UN SEASON..
 
 [ 91 ] 
 
 UNSEASONABLE GALLANTRY. 
 
 Turpe senex miles, turpe sterilis amor. 
 
 ISJ EVER was a greater compliment paid 
 to beauty, fays Madam Dacier, than 
 that which Homer has mai^e in his 
 Iliad, where he reprefents old king 
 Priam, and his venerable Ci unfelio-s 
 fitting on the ramparts of Troy, and 
 confulting how to put an end to the 
 war; and whom he defcribes To mucJi 
 withered by age as to refemble grafs^ 
 hoppers. 
 
 " A bloodless race, that send a feeble voice" 
 
 Yet on the appearance of Helen, the 
 caufc of all their calamities, they were 
 fo ftruck with her beauty, that they iu- 
 flantaneoufly exclaim; 
 
 . " No wonder such celestial charms; 
 
 *' For nine h)ng years have set the world in arms. 
 *' What winning graces! what rn'.ije-,t:c n^ehi ! 
 " he moves a goddess, and she looks a q-ic'en." 
 
 TUty
 
 9^ UNSEASONABLE GALLANTRY. 
 
 They immediately correft themfelves, 
 however, and confent to part with her 
 for the public welfare.* 
 
 Homer paints, at firfl hand, from 
 nature : and certainly men of the mofl 
 advanced acre cannot but be charmed 
 
 D 
 
 with the fight of a beautiful woman; 
 but like the wife old Trojans, they 
 fhould fupprefs their admiration, nor 
 fufiTer it to kindle the tyrannic paffion 
 of love at fo unfeafonable a lime of 
 life, when more ferious concerns may- 
 be fuppofed to engage their attention, 
 and which will infallibly deprive them 
 of that reverence which is due to grey 
 heirs, and expofe them to the ridicule 
 and contempt, at leail, of their inferiors 
 in age and (lation, if not attended with 
 more ferious confequences. 
 
 We fee frequent inflanccs, indeed, of 
 men long pnfl the meridian of life, who, 
 with a good perfon and amiable nian- 
 r^ers, render themfelves agreeable to the 
 
 * Jllad. b. 3. 
 
 fair
 
 UMSEASOKABLE GALLANTRY. 93 
 
 fairfex; and a man of fifty has often 
 gained the affedlions of a young girl of 
 fifteen. But when turned of his grand 
 clima6leric, and in the very decrepitude 
 of old age, no one, but an idiot or a 
 madman, would dream of engaging un- 
 der the banners of cupid, or in any af- 
 fair of gallantry. No woman of fenfe 
 or fpirit would liflcn to, or even bear 
 with a man of that defcription ; and he 
 would probably be defpicable and dif- 
 gufling to the mod venal proflitutc. 
 
 The unfeafonable gaiety of fome 
 amorous old ladies is a common fubjet 
 of raillery with our comic writers. 
 Yet, I am inclined to think, that more 
 numerous inftances might be produced 
 in our fex of eld libertines who have 
 thrown up the reins to their pafTions, 
 and indulged their licentior.s propen- 
 fities till tliey become habitu.d and be- 
 yond the power of controul. 
 
 But when, either a wanton dowager 
 purchaics the fci-. ^ces of lome half-pay 
 
 ofiBcej,
 
 94 "tJNSEASONABLE GALLANTRY, 
 
 officer, or an old dotard the mercenary 
 fmiles of an interefted young and hand- 
 fome female, by large fettlements or 
 pecuniary rewards, to the injury of 
 their families or relations, their folly is 
 more than ridiculous ; it is highly im- 
 moral and unjuft. And it is to be la- 
 mented, that there is no law exifling to 
 reduce furh wretches to a ftate of pu- 
 pillage, as ideots or infane ; and to put 
 that reftraint on their fenfual appetites 
 which their own reafon is too weak to 
 eflPea. 
 
 Neverthelefs, there is a decree of po- 
 lite attention which the old may, with- 
 out cenfure, pay to the young and 
 handfome, as an homage due to beauty. 
 And I do not imagine that any young 
 lady would be difpleafed with a com- 
 pliment, even from a man as old as 
 Neflor. On this prefumption, at lead, 
 I have addrefled thcfe complimentary 
 flrains to fome young ladies, and even 
 xnariied woinen. But as a much greater 
 
 poet.
 
 tJNSF.ASOMABLE GALLANTRY. g^ 
 
 poet, after praifmg the beauty of his 
 friends miftrefs, declares himfelf heart-^ 
 zuhole, and forbids him to be jealous 
 6f a man verging upon Jorty, fo the 
 reader will readily give rne credit for 
 my difintereftednefs, when I confefs 
 myfelf to have lived twice that number 
 of years. 
 
 Homer is fuppofed by the Roman 
 poets, from his frequent encomiums on 
 wine, to have been too fond of his bot- 
 tle : and with equal rcafon from his 
 fpeaking fo feelingly on the beauty of 
 the fair fex,* he may be fufpcfted to 
 have been too fond of women. But 
 furely this is an uncandid conclufion. 
 Wine was intended to exhileriite the 
 heart of man ; and woman to footh his 
 cares and partake his pleafurcs. The 
 lively imagination of a poet, therefore, 
 
 * Homer seems tu have been struck with tlic 
 Jress of the Grecian ladies, tht-ir loner trains ^v>.^ 
 tine shapes, rjivn Tr7.-?.o5- 'be ;-.\--,^. y.vr, L^clr statclv 
 -dames and i'lgb: g/r's, as v.'c should call ihr.in. * 
 "LJLii, ):\:ii/.'?i, A<;Ili!]|^; ;T;J^lre3^, iiii^cis. 
 
 may.
 
 56 UNSEASONABLE CALLANTRV^ 
 
 may, one would hope, excite him to 
 fpeak with rapture on fuch fubjeQs, 
 without his being accufed of indulging 
 the love of either to a culpable excefs. 
 As the author of this EfTay has 
 always been an enthufiaftic admirer, 
 even of the beauties of inanimate na- 
 ture, he hopes he will not be cenfured 
 for paying a juft tribute of praife to 
 the mofl beautiful part of the animated 
 creation, 
 
 POSTSCRIPT. 
 Though not llridly applicable, I 
 cannot forbear mentioning an admira- 
 ble fcene in a late comedy called 7/2- 
 difcretion, where, in confequence of an 
 an advertifement, an old knight on 
 crutches meets an old maid of fixty ; 
 the former having defcribed himfelf as 
 in the prime of life, and the latter as 
 between 30 and 40. Their mutual 
 difappointment and reciprocal re- 
 proaches, fet their amorous inclina- 
 tions in a truly ridiculous light. 
 
 SYMPTOMS
 
 [ 97 ] 
 
 
 SYMPTOMS . ; . 
 
 OP 
 
 SELF-IMPORTANCE. 
 
 " I will frown, as I pass by 5 and let them take 
 it as they list." Shakes. 
 
 As I am an idle man, and live in the 
 vicinity of Bath ; I fpend many of my 
 mornings in traverfing the ftreets and 
 public walks of that beautiful city. 
 The magnificence of the many ele- 
 gant buildings and the chearfulnefs of 
 the fcene, footh the imagination and 
 tranquillize the fpirits. Yet I find, 
 the calm compofure of my mind fre- 
 quently interrupted, and my nerves 
 unpleafantly irritated, by the haughty 
 and faflidious looks of thofe I meet. 
 
 Though I will not fubfcribe to the 
 
 infallibility of Lavater's fyftem of phy- 
 
 fiognomy ; yet the feelings of every 
 
 H one.
 
 93 SYMPTOMS OF 
 
 one, without any rules, may interpret 
 the fentiments of moft people from the 
 air and call of their countenances. 
 
 Man is by nature fociable and 
 friendly to man : and when there is no 
 oppofition of interefls, rarely harbours 
 any malicious or hollile difpofition 
 againft his fellow creatures. Whence 
 then are thofe unfriendly, contemptu- 
 ous, and repulfive airs which we con- 
 tinually meet with in thofe with whom 
 we have no connexion, and whom we 
 have never injured or offended? Who 
 fun^ey us with fuch a fupercilious, dif- 
 dainful mein, as if they queflioned our 
 right to exifl in the fame diftri^l, or 
 even on the face of the fame globe with 
 themfelves. 
 
 I fometimes meet a man fo lUtely in 
 his deportment, fo haughty in his look, 
 with fuch an air of defiance in his whole 
 manner, that I fhrink from his appear- 
 ance, and feel myfelf annihilated in 
 his prefence. Yet, on recovering 
 
 from
 
 SELF-IMPORTANCE. 99 
 
 from my difmay, and reflefling on the 
 limited power and capacity of every hu- 
 man being, I find, probably, on in- 
 quiry, the real character of this illuf- 
 trious perfonage : that his pompous 
 air conceals a mean fpirit, and that the 
 folemn countenance is only a veil for 
 his ignorance and infignificance. 
 
 Such are many of thofe coloffal fi- 
 gures who feem to '^beftride the world, 
 and under whofe legs, as it were, we 
 petty mortals mull peep about," to find 
 a loop-hole to pafs by them, without 
 being cruflied againft the wall, or juf- 
 led into the kennel. 
 
 One man, whom I have met, per- 
 haps, at a third place, alTumes a re- 
 ferved and diftan!; air, left I fhould 
 claim him as an acquaintance.* An- 
 other man, with eyes fixed, looks 
 
 The Tapino-phobv, or " dread oi low ac- 
 qnaintance, prevails more in Bath, perhaps, thaa 
 hi any other public place in Europe. 
 
 li 2 flrait
 
 lOO SYMPTOMS OF 
 
 ftrait forwards, and though our elbovt'S 
 almoft touch, feems unconfcious that 
 any one is near him, or at leaft worth 
 his notice. 
 
 A third is near-fighted, and though 
 we have met, perhaps, on various oc- 
 cafions, has not the honour to recoUeft " 
 my name. All the/e are diflPerent flra- 
 tagems of pride and felf-importance, 
 which, though not reducible to the 
 precife rules of quarrelling, *' like the 
 lie direft," and for which we can call a 
 man to account ; yet may, and ought 
 to be refented, or rather treated with 
 the contempt which they deferve. 
 
 I remember a flout fellow, with a 
 mofl terrific countenance, who, if he 
 met a man flrutting along in fublime 
 contemplation of his own importance, 
 and a fovereign contempt of all around 
 him, he would, on a fudden, run up to 
 him, turn his large white eyes upon 
 him, and cry. Boh ! This, it may be 
 
 fuppofed.
 
 SELF-IMPORTANCE. IpJ 
 
 fupppfed, often involved him in a fcuf- 
 fle, or rough rencounter; but generally 
 raifed a laugh at the expence of the 
 haughty defpot. 
 
 A proud look is an infult on the pub- 
 lic. Pride was not made for man : nor 
 for woman neither. Yet I have feen a 
 fair fpinfter, rather paft her bloom, 
 who has been converfing with a polite 
 fmile in the mid ft of two or three gen- 
 tlemen J but on the appearance of .a 
 young nymph in the gloffy luftre of 
 fifteen, aiTume an haughty air, and fur- 
 vey the blufhing harmlefs virgin with 
 fuch a murderous afpedl, that I have 
 been alarmed for the confequences. 
 
 What then do I expeft from thofe 
 whom I meet in public, and who cer- 
 tainly have a right to look, as well as to 
 aB, as they pleafe, in defiance of my 
 affumed cenforial authority. 
 
 Why; I expe61;, that every man 
 
 Piould look with an air of kindnefs and 
 
 ii 3 benignity
 
 '102 SYMPTOMS OF 
 
 benignity on all mankind ; or, at leaft, 
 not to afliime an hoflile or menacing 
 afpe6t towards thofe who have never 
 injured or offended him. 
 
 Let a man of rank or diftinftion af- 
 fume the dignity becoming his ftation 
 and charafter ; but let not thofe who 
 have no rank, nor, perhaps, any cha- 
 racter, to diftinguilh them from the vul- 
 gar, aflFeft that fuperiority, which is an 
 affront to every one they meet, and 
 which will not eafiiy be allowed them 
 in a country of true liberty, and where 
 education and virtue make the only 
 real diftin6lion ; and where men will 
 not be impofed upon or kept in awe 
 hy a folemn appearance or arrogant 
 pretentions. 
 
 A friend of mine when he meets a 
 man of this defcription, fnaps his fin- 
 gers at him, and ejaculates a fcrap of 
 Latin after him, N'on hujiis U Jacio, I do 
 pot care thii for you ! 
 
 For
 
 SELF-IMPORTANCE. IO3 
 
 For my own part, as I love all man- 
 kind, I rather pity, than refent, the 
 folly of this theatrical hero, ** who 
 ftruts his hour on the llage, and then 
 is feen no more,** 
 
 RURAX,
 
 L 04 ] 
 
 M,{w'' .RURAL FEfLIClTY, 
 
 O! rus^ quando ego te aspiciam ? floR, 
 
 The eafe and tranquillity, commonly 
 to be found in a country life, and the 
 beauties of nature, there only to be 
 found in their genuine fimplicity, 
 operate more forcibly on the imagina- 
 tion, and excite ftronger wilhes in the 
 breaft ; when, by our fituation in life, 
 or other circumftances, we are deprived 
 of them, than when we are in the ac- 
 tual enjoyment of them. 
 
 Thi is fo true, that I have often 
 thought Milton would not have painted 
 the rural fcenes in his " Paradife Lofl" 
 in fuch gloH'ing colours if he had not 
 been blind. 
 
 The summer's morn, the pleasant villages and 
 farms," 
 
 with
 
 RURAL FELICITY. lOJ 
 
 with the nymphs and fvvains at their 
 rural labours in the field, had made a 
 ftrong and pleafing impreffion on his 
 youthful fancy, which remained fixed 
 there, when the gloom of winter, the 
 rainy feafons, and every thing unplea- 
 fant and difgufting was forgotten or loll 
 in the affemblage of more brilliant, 
 and more interefling ideas. 
 
 Hence proceeds that rage for retire- 
 ment and country-houfes fo prevalent 
 in many worthy citizens, whOj not- 
 withftanding the oreater comforts and 
 
 o o 
 
 conveniencies to be found in an opu- 
 lent city ; yet, amidfl the hurry of bu- 
 finefs, and the clafhing interefts and 
 competitions of trade, are languiiQiing 
 for the calm, undifturbed repofe of the 
 country/ 
 
 But let us attend one of thefe enthu- 
 fiaflic admirers of rural beauty, on a 
 Saturday evening, at his villa or mimic 
 cottage, by the fide of fome common 
 or public road ; you will find him, in- 
 Head
 
 106 RURAL FELICITY. 
 
 flead of rcpofing under the fliade of a 
 fpreading oak with a book in his hand, 
 cr enjoying the cool breezes of the 
 fummer's evening, you will behold him 
 fitting with a pipe in his mouth, in his 
 little fummer houfe at the corner of his 
 garden, and reading the Morning Chro- 
 jiicle, or enjoying the profpeft and the 
 dufl raifed by his fellow-citizens, who 
 with the fame refllefs fpirit of migra- 
 tion from the city 
 
 " Run, 
 
 " The Lord knows whither^ in their chaise and one." 
 
 Pope. 
 
 The Sunday of this reclufe is a fe^ 
 rious comedy^ confifling of five afts, 
 breakfaft, dinner, and fupper ; an after- 
 noon's nap, and a pipe in the evening j 
 and, on Monday morning, he returns 
 with equal impatience to the drudgery 
 of bufmefs, as a refuge from the into- 
 lerable burden of having nothing to do* 
 
 Men of bufinefs have, undoubtedly, 
 
 the
 
 RURAL FELICITY. 107 
 
 the bell plea for occafional intervals 
 of relaxation andrepofej but as thefe 
 little fpruce haberdafhers have proba- 
 bly no refources in themfelves, either 
 of reading or refleftion, to fill up the 
 empty fpaces infeparable from a coun- 
 try retirement; Cheapfide or Newgate 
 flreet is the proper fphere of their ex- 
 iflence. 
 
 AddrelTed to this prevailing fend- 
 nefs for a country life, an advertife- 
 rnent appeared in the London papers 
 every fpring, fome years fince, nearly 
 in thefe words. 
 
 *' Ever ftudious of rural amufement, 
 I took a walk as far as the A:lam and 
 Eve, on I'urnham Green." And what 
 was the refult of this rural excurfion ? 
 Why; having met with fome incom- 
 parable cheefecakes, fome delicious He- 
 refordfliire cyder, and a pipe of the 
 beft \'irginia tobacco ; the public-fpi- 
 ritcd gentleman could not, in jullice 
 to this illuUrious cake-houfe, withhold 
 
 his
 
 :108 RURAL FELICITY. 
 
 iiis due encomiums, or canceal from 
 his friends fuch a magazine of good 
 things, which he himfeif had fo hap- 
 pily difcovered and enjoyed. 
 
 I remember " a party of pleafure," 
 -confiding of fome pf the moft refpeft- 
 able inhabitants of Bath (accompanied 
 -hy a well-known Do6tor in Divinity], 
 who came to fpend a day at a farm- 
 -houfe which commands one of the moft 
 -delightful profpefts in the environs of 
 .that beautiful city. As foon as dinner 
 vas ended> though in the midfl of July, 
 they fhut up the parlour-windows, 
 .called for candles, and fat down to 
 -cards, till their poftilion fent in word 
 that it was almofl dark; they then hur- 
 ried down their tea and returned home, 
 -entertaining their friends for a week 
 after, with the delightful day they had 
 fpent in the country. 
 
 In the more elevated ranks of life, 
 the fame fancied love of rural retire- 
 mentj and the fame inability to fupport 
 
 it.
 
 RURAL FELICITY.' iti^ 
 
 it, too generally, I fear, prevails. Sa- 
 tiated and fatigued, perhaps, with the 
 daily (or rather nightly) repetition of 
 the fame fcenes of folly and diffipation; 
 oi' annoyed by the heat and dull of the 
 metropolis J they fly from town to fome 
 equally crowded fea-port, or other 
 place of fafhionable refort, where they 
 meet the fame wretched votaries of 
 ^Uafurty purfuing the fame, or (imilar 
 modes of fquandering their time, in 
 queft of that happinefs which eludes 
 their purfuit ; and which mere amufe- 
 ment, void of utility, can never afford 
 to a thinking mind : or if they vouchfafe 
 to vifit their country feats for a month 
 in the autumn, inftead of exhilerating 
 their country neighbours, or '* mak- 
 ing clad" the hearts of their tenants 
 and dependants, \v.zy probably bring 
 down with them their town affociates, 
 or fome of thofe idle, fungous excrei- 
 cences of fociety, thofe *' airy nothings 
 who liavin,? no local hauitaiionSi or hardly
 
 no 1R.URAL FELICITY. 
 
 a name," are proud to join in ihefuik* 
 of fome great man, (and even boafl of 
 the honour) to applaud his tafte and 
 improvements} to praife his claret; 
 ** laud the haunch ;" and fometimes, I 
 fear, encourage, if not Jhare, his licen- 
 tious amours. 
 
 Thus, too many of our great men, it 
 is to be feared, enjoy the Arcadian 
 fcenes, which, perhaps, they have 
 formed at a ruinous expence ; uncon- 
 fcious that any other human beings, 
 more worthy, perhaps, than themfelves 
 or thtir friends f exift around them. 
 
 Yet I fliould betray a narrownefs of 
 obfervation, and a very limited know- 
 ledge of the great world, were I to in- 
 clude even a majority of our nobility 
 in this random cenfure. On the con- 
 trary, I am perfuaded, that fome of the 
 brighteft examples of religion and vir- 
 tue may be found amongit the higher 
 
 * Galopper siir ta truce/' ride in your train, 
 as Bolleau .sr-yS;, in hi? letter to ?*Ir, Le JNIoignon, 
 
 ranks
 
 RURAL FELICITY* 111 
 
 ranks in this united kingdom ; and to 
 whom people in a lower fphere might 
 look up and copy with adv-antage. 
 
 Marcellus is a young nobleman of 
 high rank and ample fortune. He has 
 had a virtuous and claffical education in 
 one of our Eno-lifh univerfities: where 
 he was diflinguifhed by a regular appli- 
 cation to the fciences and to polite li- 
 terature. He is by no means deficient 
 in political knowledge. But, as he has 
 nothing to afk of adminiRration, he 
 keeps himfelf independent, and -engages 
 in no party. Yet, as the oppofitica 
 ad; fyflematically againft the minifler, 
 and the bufmcfs of government could 
 not be carried on without a majority in 
 parliament, Marcellus thinks it his 
 duty, fometimes to give his fuiTrage in 
 their favour; and to facrifice his own 
 private opinion, when the expedicnrv' 
 oi a mcaiure is on'y probleinatical ; 
 and though he is not clearly convinced
 
 112 RURAL FELICITY. 
 
 that it is the beft that could poffibly hi 
 adopted. 
 
 When his duty to the public will 
 permit, he gladly embraces every op- 
 portunity of retiring to his country re- 
 fidence ; where, in the fociety of his 
 amiable and accomplifhed lady and a 
 few friends, he enjoys all the felicity 
 which conjugal afFeftion, and the eafe 
 and familiarity of friendfliip can fupply. 
 
 Their mornings are dedicated partly 
 to ufeful and amufing ftudies, or do- 
 meflic concerns, and partly to exercife 
 and taking extenfive rides, and vifiting 
 whatever is curious and interefling; 
 calling on their gentiler neighbours; or 
 viewinor their farms and cottages of the 
 labourers, and enquiring into the Hate 
 and improvements in the former, or 
 the wants of the latter. The reft of the 
 day is fpent in tlie hof|)itable reception 
 of thofe, whofe liberal education, or 
 whole ftations in life, though much in- 
 ferior
 
 RURAL FELICITY. ll^ 
 
 ferior to their own, entitles them to 
 fuch a reception, which the politenefs 
 and condefccnlion of this amiable cou- 
 ple extends to the whole neighbour- 
 liood, and which muft reconcile the 
 fierceft democrat to the ariftocracy. 
 
 As their rank and fortune gives them 
 a powerfiil influence over their inferiors, 
 they ufe their power in promoting vir- 
 tue and induflry amongft the 1 ower 
 clafles, and fubmiffion to legal autho- 
 rity ; which in thefe times is doing cf- 
 fcntial fervice to the public. In coun- 
 tenancing the fobcr and induflrious, 
 and admonifliino; and even rcbukincr the 
 idle and extravasrant ; in relieving' in- 
 dicrcnt merit and unmerited indicrence, 
 and the like cliaritable offices. And in 
 the difcharge of thefe focial and moral 
 duties, they find fufficient amufement 
 to enliven their fummcr's retreat, while 
 the conlcioufncfs of right conduft af- 
 fords them the moft heartfelt gratifi- 
 cation, and difi^uics a choarfulnefs over 
 I their
 
 <14 RURAL FELICITY. 
 
 their minds, which being free from any 
 irregular or criminal paflion, leave- 
 them open to the enjoyment of the 
 beauties of nature, and the calm unfo- 
 phiflicated pleafures of the country. 
 
 In Chort, in thefe rational and bene- 
 volent occupations, Marcellus and his 
 lady are fo far from finding their time 
 a dead weight, or from finking into an 
 infipid liflleflhefs and becoming a prey 
 to ennui, that they think their fummer's 
 recefs much too fhort; and return with 
 reluftance to the bufy fcenes and tu- 
 multuous pleafures, if fuch they may 
 be called, which the capital fupplies 
 to the ambitious, the licentious, or to 
 the giddy votaries, or rather flaves, of 
 fafhion. 
 
 PART
 
 PART 11. 
 
 POETICAL 
 
 MORAL, PANEGYRICAL, HUMOROUS, 
 
 AND 
 
 MISCELLANEOUS PIECES. 
 
 Rrquisfq m'lhi non fama petita eft 
 
 " Menr ip.tent:- luh se /'ereturq malis. " 
 
 OvjD Trist.
 
 THE 
 
 SEAT OF HAPPINESS. ' ^> ~ - 
 
 TO E. H. ESO. 
 
 Oh! Happinefs ! caeleftial maid. 
 To whom our conftant vows are pay'd : 
 The general wifh of human kind ; 
 Oh! where fliall we thy manfion find ? 
 Ill what bleft cHme do 'ft thou refide ? ' 
 In ^vhat rccefs thy treafures hide ? 
 
 Do'il thou frequent the lonely vale. 
 Where flow'rs their balmy fweets exhale? 
 Trom mofs-grown rocks where fountain's 
 
 fpring, 
 And birds their plaintive wood-notes fing? 
 No ; oft I've fought thee there in vain. 
 And tound thofc plcafurcs ting'd with pain : 
 
 For,
 
 Il8 THE SEAT OF HAPPINESS. 
 
 For, Vry penliv rain<l muf^ knowj 
 That " Solitude's the nurfe of woe." 
 
 Do'ft thou difplay thy beauties then, 
 Amidft the cheerful haunts of men ? 
 Frequent th' afTemblies of the gay ; 
 Attend each rout, each ball or play ? 
 
 Do'fl thou, fair maid, delight to range 
 About the purlieus of th' Exchange ; 
 Where anxious mortals, flaves to wealth, 
 Barter their eafe, impair their health, 
 In hopes, would Fate their wjflies blefs, 
 To purchafe perfe6l happinefs ? 
 
 Why then do wealthy Cit's repair 
 To rural fcenes and wholefome air ; 
 To find, as there retired they live. 
 What wealth alone can never give ? 
 
 Or do'ft thou rather pleas'd refort 
 Amidft the fplendors of a Court ; 
 Where juftling crowds are every hour, 
 Struggling for places and for power ; 
 Where Envy and Ambition reign. 
 And Slavery wears a filken chain. 
 
 Ah!
 
 THE SEAT OF HAPPINESS, JI9 
 
 Ah! let difcarded placemen tell, 
 That blifs in courts can never dwell ; 
 Where competition never ceafes. 
 And envy with our power increases. 
 
 Go to the feats of diffipation 
 Search every fea-port in the nation ; 
 Afk the gay folks at Tunbridge Wells, 
 li Happinefs amongft them dwells : 
 Halle thence to Bath ; for there you'll find,. 
 Amufing fccnes of every kind, 
 Suited to every different ftagc, , 
 
 The fire of youth the froft of age ; 
 What joyous groups in every street. 
 Where beauty, rank, and fashion meet ; 
 Yet ah ! my friend, how much I fear. 
 You'll not meet Happinefs ee"n there. 
 
 The gaieties of day and night, 
 Will put the lovely nymph to flight ; 
 True Happinefs can nee'r be found 
 In Pleasure's everlafting round, 
 
 Pleafure indeed we all purfue ; 
 Jjut what to fomc wears Pleafure's hue,
 
 1 
 
 12p THE SEAT OF HAPPIXESS. 
 
 Is but its fhadow ; and the wife 
 
 Sec pain beneath the thin difguife. 
 
 Could fuch gay folks reflect, they'd find 
 
 Amidft the tumults of the mind, 
 
 A latent void fuhhfting flill. 
 
 Which fuch vain pleafures ne'er can fill. 
 
 When, in my evening walk, I fee 
 Yon cottage fmoke beneath the tree, 
 Whofe branches, fpreading o'er the plain, 
 Defend it from the wind and rain ; 
 There, I exclahn, in that lone cell. 
 Content and Peace rauil furely dwell. 
 But if, alas ! I go too near, 
 W'^hat founds of discord meet my ear ! 
 The children crving, and the wife 
 W^ith licr poor help-mate is at ftrife; 
 For coming e'er th-c pot had boil'd, 
 Or lingering till the dinner fpoil'd. 
 And thus thefe inmates of the cottage, 
 Dlfputiiig o'er their mefs of pottage, 
 Or fliivcimg ror.iid their fmoaky fire. 
 May be as wretched as the 'Scpiire : 
 
 And
 
 THE SEAT OF HAPPINfESS. 121 
 
 And all with truth muft own, I fear, 
 That Happinefs refides not there. 
 
 There are, that hope to find content, 
 (For focial beings only meant,) 
 While fafe from Hymen's fetters free. 
 They riot in celibacy. 
 How vain their hopes ! for, be it known, 
 He that would pleafe himjelf dXonCy 
 By righteous heaven it is decreed. 
 The felfifh wretch fhall ne'er fucceed. 
 
 Would you then lead a happy life, 
 Firft feek a tender virtuous wife ; 
 For much, be fure, depends on this. 
 On focial and domeftic blifs : 
 The kind affeftions unemployed. 
 The foul muft teel a dreary void ; 
 For mere amufements foon will cloy. 
 And e'en )'our books afford no joy. 
 
 A confciencc clear, a body free 
 From ev'ry painful malady ; 
 Are prime ingredients, all confefs. 
 To conflitute our Happinefs'. 
 
 Ye.,
 
 laa THE S.AT OF HAPPINESS. 
 
 Yef, e'en with health and innocence. 
 
 We want a decent competence : 
 
 Let ftoic's argue as they pleafe, 
 
 Unlefs the body be at eafe. 
 
 Well fed, well cloth'd, and fnug and warm, 
 
 As well as merely free irora harrai 
 
 In vain frail raoJtals hope to find, 
 
 Tranquiihty and peace of mind. 
 
 Ceafe then tp afk, in what retreat 
 Tiiie Kappinefs has fix'd her feat: 
 Whether on Windfor's ftatcly brow. 
 Where Thames thro* nieadows winds below ; 
 Or, where with ahnoil equal pride, 
 Tlie firearas of Avon gently glide, 
 Tlu'o' hanging woods and villas gay. 
 And plcas'd, to Bath they \viiid their way : 
 JFor to no place is Ihe confin'd, 
 But feated in the peaceful mind. 
 And he that's virtuous need not tear 
 To find her in his fearches there : 
 For tlw' the nymph, we own, is coy. 
 The good, her tavour Hill ei'.joy. 
 
 And
 
 THE SEAT OF HAPPINESS. 123 
 
 And fhould fhe feem to frown awhile, 
 They'll fee her foon refume her fmile. 
 Yet perfeB blifs was ne'er dtjigrid 
 On earth the lot of human kind ; 
 Referv'd for mortals good and wife, 
 'Midft the bright regions of the fkies ; 
 Or, if conceal'd beneath the fphere, 
 Search Bevis-Mount, you'll find her there. 
 
 POSTSCRIPT.
 
 POSTSCRIPT. 
 
 CJn this trite fubjeft every one halli fome 
 peculiar fyflera of his own ; but mofl philo- 
 fcphers concur in making happinefs confifl 
 m trai:q',iillitv of mind, wliich is undoubtedly 
 fo f,ir true, that unlcfs the pafTions arc under 
 iuc rcgulaticni, and the mind perceives itfclf 
 to be happv, we cannot /'' fo. This, how- 
 s'ver, is little more than ra)-ing, that happi- 
 nefs conHfts in not being unhappy: For 
 g!:ough {Irength of mind and a fcnfe of re- 
 lig-ion, ma\' Cnabie us to bear advcrfity or 
 irifliction Avith patience and decency, it can- 
 not m itfcll make us happv. When a man 
 Lbours ur.dcr any cahniity, fuch as ficknefs, 
 
 poverty.
 
 POSTSCRIPT. 2,5 
 
 poverty, lofs of charafter, or the like. Tie 
 Ihould endeavour to fubmlt wiili refignation, 
 to his deftiny ; yet few people m fuch cir- 
 cuinllances can pofTefs that tranquillity ol 
 mind which is effential to happincfs. 
 
 In fliort, a concurreucc of outward cir- 
 cumllances, fuch as a competence adequate 
 to the demands of our ftation, fecurity from 
 danger, the welfare of our friends and nearer 
 connexions, with health of body, without 
 which there can hardly be peace ol: niiiid^ 
 feem indifpenfibly nccefTary to complet-e \.\\p. 
 f-elicity of the mofl protound philoiophcr of 
 the moll devout chriflian. 
 
 N. B. The Author wrote the above lines 
 without the Icaft rccolleftion at the time of 
 the piece of ParncH's beautiful Poem, " On 
 Contentment,"' which he had not read for 
 many jears, though lie has infenfibly {alien 
 into the fame way ol thinking. 
 
 IL
 
 [ 126 ] 
 
 IL PENSOROSO; 
 
 OR, 
 
 THE SEAT OF WOE. 
 
 TO MYSELF. 
 
 vV HEN lonely thus, amidft the bloom of May^ 
 I trace this vale where ev'ry thing looks gay, 
 Where mountains, woods, and ftreams, and 
 
 meadows green, 
 Confpire to form the fweet. Arcadian fcene; 
 While, on each bulh, the thrufh or linnet 
 
 fmcrs, 
 And with their mufic, " hiU and valley' 
 
 rings : 
 Why does my heart thus fickcn as I ftroll ; 
 Why this fad melancholy cloud my foul ? 
 Where, wrapt in pleafing thought, I wont to 
 
 rove, 
 Befide the chryflal llream or verdant grove ; 
 
 While
 
 THE SEAT OF WOE. izy 
 
 While num'rous friends on every fide. were 
 
 found, 
 To animate the rural landfcape round ; 
 Whofe focial converfe I fo oft enjoy'd ; 
 Now all is lonefome and a dreary void- 
 Each objeft gives n^e pain, that charm'd be- 
 fore : 
 Scenes of paft joys, which will return no 
 inre ! 
 Ah ! where are now thofe kind afTociate* 
 gone ! 
 To what fequefter'd regions are thev flown ? 
 Where ai"e thofe friends, who, in my happicy 
 
 days, 
 With patient ear would liflen to my lavs ? 
 Where now the good Pala^nion's placid nvi<r.^ 
 Which mark'd the friendly famil)' of Sk e^ 
 Or where my noble, hofpitable friend,* 
 With whom the cheerful da\- 1 woni to fpcxiJ ' 
 
 * lori W S'.'.
 
 128 THE SEAT OF WOE, 
 
 Ah ! where thofe lovely nymphs whofe 
 
 blooming grace 
 Gave ten-fold charms to this once charming 
 
 place : 
 All ! All ! are fled, and I alone remain 
 To mourn their lofs and figh, alas ! in vain. 
 
 Or death, or abfence, or th' imperious call 
 Of wais alarms, have robb'd me of them all. 
 Their country's cause has banifh'd them from 
 
 home. 
 O'er diflant realms and h6ftile plains to roam. 
 Since curs'd Ambition from hell's j^ulf broke 
 
 o 
 
 loofe, 
 Could Gallia's patriotic Tons feduce. 
 To quit the fvvcets of Peace and Freedom's 
 
 caufe. 
 And fpurn their neighbour's rights and na- 
 ture's laws. 
 Lavifli of blood and difciplin'd to kill, 
 Till numbers fail their murd'rous rai;ks to fill. 
 
 Oh'
 
 THE SEAT OF WOE. 129 
 
 Oh ! gentle Peace ! return ! and bring 
 
 along, 
 Joy to my heart and rapture to my fong. 
 Yet lo ! the chxling mountains raife their 
 
 heads, 
 Thefe (lately oaks their mofly branches 
 
 fpread ; 
 The flocks and herds along the meadows 
 
 ran ere. 
 And crop their food unconfcious of the 
 
 change ! 
 While I, torlorn, to gloomy pangs a prey. 
 Am far lefs happy now, alas ! than they 
 Such is the prefent lot o-f mortal man ! 
 Such Hcav'n's ali-^v'^ife, though yet unfi- 
 
 nifh'd plan, 
 To wean us from a tranficnt \\'orld like this, 
 J3e(}ii:i'd for brio-htcr fcencs of endlcls blifs ! 
 
 PANE-
 
 PANEGYRICAL. 
 
 *' Vellem in amkitla fie eraremus, & itli, 
 *' Errjri Virtus nomen pofuits et haneiiuni." 
 
 Hoa. 
 
 Let none the praifs of partial friendlliip blamt, 
 But Gratitude, not FlattVy bt il)e name ! 
 
 Anonym.
 
 [ 133 ] 
 
 TO 
 
 THE HON. AND REV. E. S YM R. 
 
 Afi Apology for 7iot atUmpting the Panegyric 
 of a Lady oj High Rank, 
 
 A SLAVE too long to beauty and to love, 
 Tho' youthiul fancy wildly wont to rove; 
 And ditties chaunt to many a rural maid 
 1 hat bloom'd unknown, like violets in the' 
 
 fhade ; 
 Tho' every rofy cheek, within my bread 
 Could raife flrangc tunuilts, not to be fup- 
 
 prefs'd : 
 Till vented by tl:e Mufe, in fuch rude lays, 
 As happly, unenligb.ten'd nvmphs flight 
 
 p raife : 
 
 Shall I, the lowcfl of the tuneful throng, 
 
 JV'Iakc S ym r's charms the fubject of my 
 
 SoniT ; 
 o 
 
 K3 By
 
 134 TO THE HON. AND 
 
 By age cxhauffcd now my fancy's fiore, 
 Sliall I attempt furh lofty hcigiits to foar :* 
 By fluty bound, what though their Mufcs 
 
 fport 
 AmidO tiie faircfl hcinities of tlic Court ; 
 By fuch infpir'd, c"cn Laureates muft defpair 
 To pay jufl tribute to a face fo fair. 
 When bcautv, rank, and fortime thus unite. 
 They ftrike with av.x, and put the Mufc to 
 
 flight. 
 Yet beauty's bvit the gii;ling of the ihrine, 
 Where virtue, (cvSc, and brighter talents 
 
 fhine. 
 For, 'midft the follies and the fenfelefs rage, 
 Tor novel fvHeins of an impious age ; 
 'Midfl gvu oil cii-c!cs, S \m r boidlv dares 
 To o^vn, ihc reads g/)od books and fays her 
 
 pravers : 
 Na^^ tho' h.cv -vveakncfs Sceptics may dcvide. 
 Her Cliviftian TiU'.-' is her greaieff pride. 
 But tlio' iucii c!:a''ni:i niiglit frozen age m- 
 
 To naint tlicir force dvmands a Pindar's Ivre.
 
 REV. E. S YM R. 135 
 
 Yet fee fair S m rset has laid afide 
 The claims of birth incentives oft to pride ; 
 Her flate forgot, with condefcenfion fweet. 
 She deigns with fmiles the awe-ftruck bard to 
 
 greet, 
 And proud to plcafe. 
 
 She waves the rights to rank and merit due. 
 Yet, when her fportive fancy fhe difplays, 
 Her charms rekindled dart more vivid ravs, 
 And tho' fubdu'd the luftre of her eyes, 
 The wretch that dares approach, enraptur'd 
 
 dies. 
 At diftance then let me thofe charms explore, 
 Which kings themfclves in hlence muft 
 
 adore ; 
 Thofe charms by Hymen's laws fecur'd to 
 
 one, 
 jXIay S ym r long pofTcfs in Hamilton, 
 
 THE
 
 THE 
 
 ROSE AND THE THISTLE; 
 
 Or, THE UNION. 
 
 As down the dewy lawn, at early day, 
 Whofe fides weic fring'd with lhrubs> I 
 
 chanc'd to ftray, 
 A damaJk Rofe its crimfon foliage fpread 
 And all around reviving odours Ihcd. 
 Smit with its blooming charms, I gaz'd, ad- 
 
 mir'd, 
 And thus addrefs'd if, as tl^.c Mufe infpir'd. 
 ^' Hail! fovercign flo'\\'cr ; lov"d thcmiC ct 
 
 every Bard ! 
 Thy beauty and rich fragrance his rewai;-d. 
 No brighter tii^ts the lovcTs partial eye 
 In Hamilton's* or Stella's ciieeks can i])\-. 
 
 * JLady charlotte, new Ds ofS
 
 THE ROSE AND THE THI5TXE. I37 
 
 Monarcks of old, enamoured oi thj charms, 
 Have decin'd thee meet to deck the royal 
 
 amis. 
 Embdem of joy ! thy flow'rs the crown adorn; 
 Its cares exprcfs'd by the emblematic thorn,'* 
 While thus due honour to the Kofe I pay'd, 
 Lo ! at a modefl diftance in the Ihade, 
 A {lately thiftle* rose ; while fcarce way fecn. 
 Its purple creft, 'midfl leaves of pallid green ; 
 And thus fhe faid, (or feem'd to fay,) like 
 
 you 
 I give the Sov'reign Rofe its honour due ; 
 But, tho' lefs bright my tint, yet you will find 
 My branches round the royal 'IcuLcheon 
 
 twin'd, 
 True to the Britifh Crown, well pleas'd I 
 
 fhare 
 Thofe honours which my knights arc proud 
 
 to wear. 
 
 * A Thiftk fcvcn feet high in nay dimmitlve flirubbciy. 
 
 Tho'
 
 138 THE ROSE AND THE THISTLE. 
 
 Tho' flighted by thefe fluubs I here re- 
 main. 
 No infults unrevcng'd, will I fuftain; 
 Let tlien the Rofe my equal merits own ; 
 And both unite to grace the Britifli throne, 
 
 * The motto of the Knights of the Thiftle j 
 *' Jfeinomeiinpunelace%." 
 
 0>{
 
 [ 39 ] 
 
 CHRISTMAS AMUSEMENTS 
 
 AT 
 
 CLAVERTON HOUSE. 
 
 TO MRS. SK 
 
 While Europe's Chiefs, in liollile arms, 
 Through half the globe fpread war's alarms. 
 And every liaplefs neighbouring nation 
 By difcord ! fuffering dsvaftation, 
 Aiuufement reigns our great demand, 
 And pleafure riots o'er the land. 
 Amufe youi-felves then ladies fair ! 
 Be pleafure ftill your conftant care; 
 BiU let vour pleafures be rcnn d ; 
 Like Marcia's ot a nobler kind, 
 Pleafure by Iter's well underflood, 
 IIcv pleafure is in doing good, 
 
 m 
 
 In cluiilian duties ft;ll cniplo)"d ; 
 Di;!} perlorm'd and c'cn enjoy'd: 
 
 The
 
 140 CHRISTMAS AMUSEMENTS. 
 
 The naked cloath'd, the hungry fed ; 
 
 The fick and helplefs vifited ; 
 
 Thefe are the amufements Marcia loves ; 
 
 Thefe are the pleafures heav'n approves. 
 
 See her amidll her beauteous choir 
 
 Of fpinflers round her Cliriftmas fire, 
 
 Their books, their pencils thrown* afide, 
 
 Diftinguifhing this teilive tide. 
 
 By ftudies which delight them more 
 
 Plying their needles for the poor ! 
 
 The orphan tribet no longer fad, 
 
 Are daily fed and warmly clad : 
 
 Their uniform and Sunday drefs, 
 
 E'en elegance and tafle exprefs. 
 
 But when to heaven their hands they raifc, 
 
 To indicate their Maker's praifc ; 
 
 Or fuppliant kneel in grateful pray'r - 
 
 Who but admire's fair Marcia's care ? 
 
 Such changes in thefe infants wrought ! 
 
 No^v cloath'd and fed and kindlv taimht. 
 
 * In the ufe of which fonic of them excel, 
 f Five motherlefs children, 
 
 Tausiht
 
 CHRISTMAS AMUSEMENTS. I4I 
 
 Taught to adore the pow'rs of heaven. 
 To mortals who fuch grace has given, 
 God s bounteous purpofe to fulfill. 
 And do on earth his heavenly will. 
 Seize then, ye fair ones, joys like thefe ; 
 Such pleafures ne'er can ceafe to pleafe ; 
 Enjoy'd from thirty to three-fcore. 
 They ne'er will cloy but pleafe the more ; 
 And when your youth and beauty's flown, 
 Thefe joys will ever be your own. 
 
 N. B. A Fa?nily not lefs diJlinguiJJied by 
 .their virtues and accomplijhmint s ^ at pre^ 
 fent inhabit thefamt koiife. 
 
 TO
 
 L M^ ] 
 TO MRS. E. 
 
 OF CL V TON-HOUSE. 
 
 AV improvifo. 
 
 While many a matron fhines in modern lifc< 
 Forgetting fhe's a mother and a wife, 
 Who each domeftic duty difregards, 
 And wafte the tedious, ling'ring hours at 
 
 cards, 
 Fair E-h-rs-lI, amidll her youthful throng. 
 Cheers their amufing labours with her fong ; 
 Her virtuous precepts thus with pleafure 
 
 jom'd, 
 Gain free admiflion and improve tlic mind ; 
 While her fine form the golden harp difpla}"s. 
 She charms her friends with her feraphic lays. 
 Yet, when they gaze, her modefl looks con- 
 
 troul 
 E-ich feafual pafTion and refine tlie foul. 
 
 f-iermits might quit their folitary ccK^:, 
 Wiiere holy prayer and contemriation d ..e;L> : 
 
 Theii
 
 TO MRS. E. OF CL V TON-HOUSE. I43 
 
 Their relics and their rofaries forego. 
 And tafle Cccleftial rapture here bqlow; 
 Angels themfelves might liften from above, 
 Charm'd with the fcene of hai-monv and love.
 
 [ 44 3 
 
 TRUE HEROISM ! 
 
 TO TPIE 
 
 HON. LIEUT. GENERAL HARCOURT.* 
 
 ** Cowards are cruel, but the brave 
 *' Love mercy and delight to fave." 
 
 Gay, 
 
 Heroes of old were, fure, by heaven dc- 
 
 fign'd, 
 For fome wife end, the fcourgcs of mankind. 
 Who rais'd their trophies on their nuinbcrs 
 
 flain, 
 Deaf to the groans of heaps that llrew'd the 
 
 plain. 
 The viftor's wreath, and the triumphal car. 
 Taught them to flight the horrors oi the ^\ar. 
 
 * N. B. The Author having been thrown from lii." hcrfe 
 on the moft unfrequented p irt of Clavcrton Down, and un- 
 able to move, was providentially relieved from his diftrefl"- 
 ful fituition by the humunity and v?ry active exertions of 
 Ccn. Il-rcourt. 
 
 The'
 
 TRUE HEROISM. 149 
 
 Tho' modern ,Gau{s well-pleas'd, fuch 
 fcenes can view, 
 And day by day their bloody deeds renew,* 
 The Brittifli Hero, on a nobler plan, 
 Fierce in the fight forgets not he's a man. 
 With pity views the carnage of the field. 
 And faves the proftrate for beneath his ftiield. 
 
 Thus H^rcourt, when on the Atlantic fhore 
 His arms t' alfert his country's claims he bore ; 
 For courage fam'd, to greater glory rofe 
 By captivcst taken, than by flaughter'd foes. 
 
 On Belgia's cAafts he now renews his fame ; 
 ^'^iQo'rious oft, his valour flill the fame-: 
 Whether his troops the favage Graul defeat, 
 Or, vengeful harafs them in their retreat : 
 Not lefs humane and merciful than brave, 
 He feels, lefs joy to conquer than io Jave, 
 
 * 111 thfir TcA for extirpating monarchs, they were i*\i 
 at riiis time, to havcgivt-n no quarter. 
 
 ^ He took Gen. Lc: prifoner, , 
 
 T\VK$-
 
 [ *50 ] 
 
 TEWKESBURY PARK : 
 
 The Seat of the decijive Battle between tha 
 
 HouJ'es of York and Lancafler, 1471. 
 
 An Hijlorico defcriptive Sketch. 
 
 TO LIEUT. COLONEL TOHN WALL, OF THE 
 LODGE, ESO. 
 
 Shall Cowper's hill/ or Windfor's foreflt 
 
 claim 
 Exclufive honours from the voice of Fame ? 
 Hath princely Stowe:|: and Hagley Park fo 
 
 long, 
 And Stourhead's|j claffic fcencs, been fam'd in 
 
 fong ? 
 
 * Sir John Denham's Poem on that fnbjeft. 
 Pope's Poem. 
 
 % Marquis of Buckingham's feat, 
 Lord Lyttleton's. 
 |j Sir R. Hoar's. 
 
 Each
 
 TEWKESBURY PARK. l^i 
 
 Each province now with felf-taught bards 
 abounds, 
 
 And with perpetual ftrains each hill refounds; 
 
 And fhall her tribute then the partial mufe 
 
 To thy fam'd Park,* fair Tewkefbury, refufe ? 
 
 The fccne of warlike deeds ; tho' civil rage 
 
 Difgrace with murd'rous afts th' hiftoric page; 
 
 Where, in the blood-ftain'd field, fo bravely- 
 fought, 
 
 York gain'd at length the crown too dearly 
 bought. 
 
 From civil difcord Brittain breath'd awhile. 
 
 And peace, long banifli'd, blcfs'd the harafs'd 
 ifle. 
 
 * In 3 field at the bottom of the park, Edward IV. finaHy 
 defeated Margaret of Anjou, Queen of Henry VI. and her Ge- 
 neral, Beaufort Du!:e of Somerfet, &c. After their defeat they 
 took fanftuary in the abbey, but were taken thence by force j 
 the Queen imprifoned, her fon Edward murdered, and the 
 Duke of Somerfet beheaded. 
 
 I- 2 Does
 
 1^2 TEWKESBURY PARFi. 
 
 Does Cowper's hill more noble fcenes dif- 
 play, 
 Or Thames, thro' meads more fertile, wind 
 
 its way ? 
 Than deck Sabrina's fweet romantic fides, 
 Thro' which her copious ftream triumphant 
 
 glides 
 Thro' meads with fpring's perennial verdure 
 
 crown'd, 
 And groves that rife in rich profufion round ? 
 And where of lowing herds a numerous breed 
 Along th' extenfive lawn fecurcly feed ? 
 '.Midll thefe the Lodge* erects its modell 
 
 brow ; 
 And vic^vs the wat'ry mirror Ihine below : 
 Where floatin<T with the tide, the whitening 
 
 fail 
 Of the tall veffel flutters in the gale : 
 And while the fileut fcene we pleas'd furvey. 
 To dillant coafts it calmly fpecds its way* 
 
 * Ths neat box of J. Wall^ BAj. 
 
 "Within
 
 TEWKESBtTRY PARK. 153- 
 
 Within the hofpitable dome, tho' plain, 
 Yet neatnefs, elegance, and plenty reign. 
 And while a cheerful welcome greets the givefl"; 
 We want no lux'ries t' improve the feaft. 
 
 The Abby's* lofty towers we hence admire, 
 Which even in ruins awful thoughts infpire ; 
 And, with fuch ftate the gothic arches rife, 
 Our modern pafte-board temples we defpife. 
 Who can withhold the pity and the praife 
 Due to the pious zeal of ancient days ? 
 When wealthy Thanes a liberal fhare bc- 
 
 ftow'd, 
 Of thofc poiTcfTions, which to heaven they 
 
 ow"d. 
 Who, tho' their errors modern times deride, 
 Shar'd with the church the pleafurct and the 
 
 pride. 
 
 * Sec Mi. Lyfonc's cxqulatc'y picturcfque etchings of this 
 teautiful ruin. 
 
 + The beaufy of the painted windows and lofty arches. 
 
 L 3 There
 
 1^4 TEWKESBURY PARK. 
 
 There royal Margaret and her vanquifli'd 
 
 train, 
 With cloyller'c} nuns a fanct'ary fought in 
 
 vain. 
 For York's ambition, England's crown the 
 
 prize. 
 The church's threats, and heav'n itfelf defies, 
 Edward,* too young an equal war to wage, 
 Fell a fad viftim to the viftor's rage : 
 Beaufort beheaded, and the captive queen. 
 Who grac'd the Yorkite's triumph, clos'd the 
 
 fcene. 
 There, fcarce diilinguifh'd from the azure 
 
 fky, 
 Our Glo'fler's diftant turrets catch the eye. 
 There fad Carnarvon"s+ lafl remains repofe. 
 From whofe rich f>irine thofe tower more 
 
 fiately rofe. 
 
 * Son to Margaret, who was murdered in a room Ai!l 
 Jhown. 
 
 + Edward (ftylcd of Carnarvon,) who was confidcred as a 
 Martyr. 
 
 Here
 
 TEWKESBURY PARK. 1^ 
 
 Heie Cheltenham's fpire an4 mineral 
 fprings we trace, , - ' 
 
 -Where many a fair, ancf maRy a pimpled f^e, 
 For health or hufband's annually refort. 
 And, late our mucH Iov*d fov'reign kept his 
 court. ' 
 
 There Cotswold's cliffs and Malvern's 
 heights comhine - 
 
 To form th' horizon's undulating line : 
 That line, the' few know why,* which charms 
 
 us all. 
 And Connoifeurs " The Line &f Beauty'" call. 
 Unnumber'd feats th' admiring ftranger fees. 
 Which rife embofom'd in tlie tufted tree^; 
 There mitred Ely,t midft the fummer's h^at. 
 Enjoys, rcver'd, his literate retreat. 
 There Dowdfwell, veil'd in rofes, 'midft her 
 
 friends. 
 Her cheerful eve of life, in health, extends. 
 
 * Docti rationem artis intelligent ; indocti volupf atem. 
 + Pr. York has a stat and eitiie there. 
 
 And
 
 1^6 TEWKESBJTRY PARK. 
 
 And haply, 'midft thofe elms more clofely 
 
 veil'd, 
 Much learning link'd with beauty,* lives con- 
 
 ceal'd : 
 While cottages with cultur'd farms unite. 
 And form'd in rural landflcape, charm the 
 
 fight. . 
 But Ihonld I name the variousf fcenes 
 
 around. 
 Where learning, beauty, worth, or wealth 
 
 abound ; 
 Tho' Tewkefbury with pride the names would 
 
 read, 
 The lift would Homer's Catalogue:|; exceed- 
 But lo ! where Breedon's eaftern verge de- 
 clines, 
 And Cotfwold's northern promontory joins j 
 
 On a rising plat of ground. 
 
 + Croom, Todington, Btsford, Dailsford, Sec. 
 
 "^ Of ships and their heroic leaders, 400 lines. 
 
 My
 
 TEWKESBURY PARK. t^J 
 
 My native village* faintly meets my fight ; 
 Th' affefting bier has put the Mufe to flight, 
 I figh to think my youthful days are o'er; 
 And fancy, mirth, and pleafure, arf no more. 
 
 Michleton, 
 
 COMB HAY.
 
 [ ^58 ] 
 
 COMB HAY. 
 
 TO MRS. SM LI. 
 
 Stranger! while thro' thefe fylvan fliades 
 
 you rove, 
 Where chryftal ftreams reflcfl th' inverted 
 
 grove ; 
 Where, crown'd with circHng woods, the 
 
 mountain's height^ ' 
 And floping lawns harmonioufly unite ; 
 Where all appears a fairy vifion, know ! 
 To Myra's fkill thefe lovely fcenes you owe, 
 Tho' nature in her fimplefl drcfs can charm, 
 ^nd every fine, poetic fancy M'arm ; 
 Yet, unaclorn'd by art, alas ! how lew 
 In tlieir true light thofc fimple charms can 
 
 view ! 
 
 E'en
 
 TO MRS. SM LI. 159 
 
 E'en Venvis' felf, that rules in ev'iy breaft. 
 Still pleafes more, when by the graces dreft. 
 Thus, tho' this landfkape nature has fup- 
 
 plied, 
 Yet Myra fure may boaft, with venial pride, 
 Tliat fhe each flight defel with carp con- 
 
 ceal'd, 
 And ev'ry latent charm with art reveal'd ; 
 Till the whole fcene receives peculiar grace. 
 And all adore the Genius of the Place.* 
 No more their time then let our men of 
 
 tafte 
 In vain difputes and idle precepts wafte; 
 Let nature's champion, Kn-ght, the caufe to 
 
 her 
 And R-ppinton, the friend of art, refer jt 
 
 * The Anciert? fancied every beautiful fcene had a local 
 Genius, whom they adored. Comb-hay has the fame. 
 
 f jMr. Kn-ghr, member for Ludlow, who wrote a poem on 
 Landftape Gardening j and Mr. R-rpington a profcflional 
 yvpil of Mr. Browne, violent antagonifts. 
 
 Let
 
 l6o TO MRS. SM LT. 
 
 Let them the conteft to Comb hay remove , 
 And each his title to precedence prove ! 
 Their precepts there exemplified they'll find. 
 And art and nature amicably join'd. 
 Each fmiles content with its allotted part ; 
 Nature ^dorn'd, but not opprefs'd with art. 
 
 Tli?
 
 [ i6i ] 
 
 THE LOVER'S WALK. 
 
 Sacred to Hymen and the God of Love, 
 Approach with awe, yc fair, this hallow'i 
 
 grove : 
 Such was, of old, that highly favour'd fcene. 
 Where firft Adonis met the Paphian queen. 
 Tho' no fpontaneoiis rofes fpring around. 
 Beneath thefe pines, as in poetic ground. 
 Or fuch as, rais'd by M\Ta's magic fkil!. 
 In Winter bloom, *^ obedient to her will. 
 Yet here the Loves and Graces rove; and 
 
 here 
 True lovers rove with plcafure all the year. 
 Beneath thefe Ihades fly cupid wings his dart. 
 And often wounds tlie unruf])c6fing heart. 
 
 * A well-fiTpHed hot-houfc. 
 
 Here
 
 i62 tHE LOVER*S WALK. 
 
 Here firft fair Harriot* liften'd to his voice, 
 And made the young Britanicat her choice. 
 With juflice then we confecrate this grove 
 To conflant friendship and to mutual love. 
 
 TheHon. Mlf&Tr-af. 
 i Mr. H-b-ry. 
 
 CORSHAM.
 
 [ 1^3 ] , 
 
 CORSHAM-HOUSE. 
 Or, THE FAMILY RETURN. 
 
 TO PAUL M TH N, ESQ. 
 
 I, WHO thro' life amufing fcenes purfuc. 
 Come, at four-fcore, this charming place to 
 
 view ; 
 Where art and nature all their forces join, 
 To give perfection to the great defign. 
 Without, tho' nature rules, the works of art 
 Within the manfion equal charms impart. 
 Whofe vifions bright, as thofc on faiiy 
 
 ground. 
 To feaft each fenfc and faculty abound. 
 Nor vifions all of more fubftantial cheer, 
 TliC Epicure enjoys a banquet here, 
 'i'ho' I too icafi, in this we difagree, 
 'J'iiai books and pictures arc i\\Qj'cnJl for me. 
 
 With
 
 i64 THE FAMILY RETURN. 
 
 With tafte felefted here, in ev'ry kind. 
 Rare proofs of each great mailer's fkill we find ; 
 Whate'er the Italian artifls can fupply ; 
 Or Flemifh School, to charm the critic eye : 
 Portraits, hiftoric groupes, or landfkapes fair. 
 The Connoifleur's enwrapt attention fharc. 
 What genius e'er conceiv'd, or pencil drew, * 
 All that confummate fkill or paint could do. 
 
 Yet thofe that in this hofpitable dome^ 
 Shall view this cheerful family at home ; 
 Where, 'midll their progeny with venial pride. 
 The happy parents placidly prefide ; 
 While filial and fraternal love unite 
 To fill their throbbing bofoms with delight ; 
 Who this domeftic pifture can behold. 
 And not confefs how languid and how cold 
 The warmcfl tints of Rubens' fclf appear, 
 Match'd with the joyous group aflernbled here. 
 Art muff lament, that colours are too faint, 
 Tiae cherub fmile, or fparkling eyes to paint : 
 Or fweet maternal tcnderncfs defcribe, 
 CdvelTing, in ilicir turn, the fportive tribe. 
 
 Alt
 
 THE FAMILY RETURN. l6^ 
 
 Art can prefent the furface to our view ; 
 But nature only to herfelf is true. 
 
 Such fcenes await us in the realms above j 
 The blifsful feat of harmony and love ! 
 
 M AMMER^i
 
 .[ 166 ] 
 
 "^- ''^^AMMERDOWN. 
 
 TO T. S. J LL FF, ESQ. 
 
 In gloomy ilate, you've feen yon mountain 
 
 rife, 
 Barren and bare beneath the foflering fkics ; 
 Where nature, lavifh of her gifts below, 
 Deign'd not a fmgle bleiTing to beftow. 
 Nor trees nor fhrub, nor fcarce atuft of grafs, 
 To variegate the unprolific mafs. 
 Thus wafte and wild for ages paft it lay ; 
 A rude uncultivated bed of clay. 
 But genius comes and in a circling line. 
 With a free pencil fketch'd the great defign ; 
 And firft Imagination, fond to rove, 
 Thro' verdant fhades, mark'd out the future 
 
 grove. 
 At once ten thoufand infant plants ihe fees 
 Advancing rapidly to lofty trees; 
 
 Beneath
 
 TO T. S. J LL FF, ESQ. 167 
 
 Beneath whofe (hade the Bard in future times 
 Infpir'd fhallrove and meditate his rhymes : 
 'Midft thefe fhe plans, with true Palladiah 
 
 fkill, 
 The ftately pile, to crown the favour'd hill. 
 
 And while, without, rich ornaments unite 
 With fymmetry to charm the judging fight: 
 Magnificence with pureft tafte we. find 
 WithiA the hbfpitable dome combin'd : 
 Where the kind hoft politely treats each gueft, 
 And Fulvia's fmilcs exalt and crown the feaft. 
 
 Nor think the Mufe ideal vifions feign, 
 Lo! J 11 ffe now has realiz'd the fcenes. 
 By magic Ikill with pleafure and fufprife, 
 'Midlt thriving; woods we fee the ftrufture rife. 
 Round which utility in league with talle, 
 To verdant lawns converts the dreary wafte : 
 What late was barren, now a fertile field. 
 Rich crops ot v/holefome grain is taught to 
 yield. 
 
 M 2 The
 
 l68 TO T. S. J LL FF, E&Q. 
 
 The foil with mofs o'ergrovvn, and noxious 
 
 weeds. 
 Now num'rous flocks in verdant paftures 
 
 feeds : 
 While bufy hinds, who various tafks purfue, 
 Prefent a cheerful landfkape to our view. 
 Wealth, thus employ'd, is heav'n's peculiar 
 
 jflore. 
 To blefs the rich, and feed th' induftrious 
 
 poor. 
 May no French politics thefc profpefts blafl. 
 And England's wealth and pow'r for ages laft : 
 Till Ammerdown its focial (hades extend 
 With Babington's primseval oaks to blend ; 
 Then feuds and aaimofities fhall ceafe, 
 And all -be kindnefs, harmony, and peace. 
 
 A TO-
 
 'Hi 
 
 L 169 ] 
 
 A TOPOGRAPHICAL SKETCH 
 
 OF THE 
 
 COUNTY OF SOMERSET. 
 
 *' Salve! magna parens frugutn, Somerfetia Tellus ! 
 *' Magna Tirum."* 
 
 ViRG. 
 
 C/OULD I on eagle's pinions foar, 
 And all the wide expanfe explore ; 
 From eaft to weft, from north to fouth ; 
 From Lansdown to the channel's mouth ; 
 Thy -svood-clad hills, thy plains outiprcad. 
 From Alfred's tow'rt to Ouantook's head : 
 And in one view the charms furvey, 
 Which Sumerfct's rich vales difplay : 
 
 * Virum ; <' So are ihey all j si! honourable men I" 
 
 Shakit. 
 
 i Alfred's Tower, near Stourlicad. 
 
 M 3 Th'
 
 I/O A TOPOGRAPHIGAL SKETCH OF 
 
 Th' imagination would be fir'd, 
 
 As by Euterpe's felf infpir'd ; 
 
 The num'ious feats which there abound,. 
 
 With decorated lawns around ; 
 
 From Newton Park* to Dunftan's height,t 
 
 Blelt objeft to the failor's fight! 
 With many a fweet, romantic fcene. 
 Delight of travellers ! between. 
 
 There Glafton's gothic arches rife, 
 In awful ruins to the fkies ! 
 There Montrcate's;}: majeftic pile ! 
 There Ncttlecomb's rich paftures fmile : 
 And Hcfterconib,|l her groves well known ! 
 Burton, f Mcll's-Park** and Babington:tt 
 
 * The feat of Gore Langtpn, Efq. our worthy anJ amlabl? 
 Rcprefcntative. 
 
 + The feat of the Luttercl family. 
 
 ^ The feat of Phclips, Efq. 
 
 ^ Su- John Trevelyan. 
 
 II Otthe late C. Warrc Bampfyldc, Efq. 
 
 H] The refidence of the Countefs Dow.igcr of Chatham. 
 
 ** Of Thomas Horner, Efq. 
 
 if Cf Charles KnatchbuU, Ef<i. 
 
 Nor
 
 THE COUXTYOF SOMERSET. J71 
 
 Nor fliall King's Wellon* be neglefted*;;: 
 While worth and probity's refpefled : :;.'/'' 
 Nor yet that venerable fpot ,1' , > n'..) 
 
 Sequefter'd South-hillt be forgot. 
 Marfton:^ I almoft fear to name ; ; ;.: ,. I. 
 By learned Boyle conJG.gn'd to fame.; , :, a] 
 Fairfield^ and Stayninglj I; a/ow/df praife^'r^ 
 But B rl d mull defpife my lays, ' 
 
 Lo I to the eaft, methinks I fee 
 The much frequented Orchard-Leigh! 5 
 We'll thence to Camerton*'^ defcend, 
 The manfion of my earlicft friend : 
 Harptre(e,++ and many a villa more, 
 Which decorate Sabrina's (hore. 
 
 * Of Vv'. Dickenfon, Efq. our worthy member. 
 
 + Seat of the Strodes, from the time gf the Norman Con- 
 queft. 
 
 ^ Earl of Cork's. 
 
 AckLuid's, Efq. 
 
 II B--rl-d's, Efq. 
 
 ^ Of Champnefs, Efq, 
 
 ** The late Philip Stevens, Ef(j, 
 ++ Of Jofhua Scrope's, Ifq, 
 
 Karp-
 
 i^Q . A TOi?OtfftAPHICAL SKETCH OF 
 
 Should we to Bath our view extend, \ . 
 Where would our airy profpeft end ? 
 On ev'ry fide, lo ! many a feat 
 In tafte and elegance complete ! 
 Jrom right to left our yifion toft. 
 In the bright galaxy is loft. 
 
 But, ah ! my colours are top faint 
 The landlkapes various charms to paint : 
 Homer an hundred tongues would afk. 
 To execute the arduous taik. 
 Enough for me thefe fccnes to name. 
 Their beauties are well known to famej 
 For all that England boafts,* we find 
 In Somerfet's rich circuit join'd : 
 Her mountains, fprings, and churches fair, 
 And lovely nymphs beyond compare. 
 
 * Anglia, mons, fonts, pons, ecckfia, faemina, lana. 
 " For mountains, fountains, bridges, churches fair, 
 ** For wool, for women, England's part compare." 
 
 N. B. The pari/h churches in Somerfet, are remarkably 
 Ircautilul fpecimens of gothic architcfturc. 
 
 Happy
 
 THE COUNTY OF SOMERSET. I73 
 
 Happy thofe rural nymphs and fwains 
 That rove amidfl thefe blifsful plains ! 
 And what, but groundlefs difcontent. 
 Some vice or folly, can prevent 
 The happinefs of thofe that live 
 'Midfl all the bleffings hcav'n can give? 
 What mortal then can here repine, 
 'VV^hen fuch, fair Soracrfet, are thine. 
 
 TO
 
 [ V4 ] 
 
 TO 
 
 PRINCE HOARE, Esq. 
 
 Critics who judge by rig'rous laws the flagc, 
 Indignant cenfure this fantaftic age ; 
 Who charm'd with toys, theii- infant tafte re- 
 tain, 
 And wit and manly fenfe flill plead in vain : 
 Who go lefs pleas'd to hear a play, thany^'^; 
 Where all is idle Ihow and pageantry. 
 Nor ought we their feverity to blame - 
 Yet folly, deaf to laws, may yield to fhame ; 
 
 Hoare furely then, adopts a wifer part. 
 Laughs at our faults and* plays about the 
 heart ; 
 
 ^ Circumprseeordia ludit. Pers. 
 
 With
 
 TO PRI^'CE HDAlfE, ESQ. iJS 
 
 With humorous farces and with dramas' 
 
 chafle, 
 Correfts our morals and refines our tafte: 
 True to the ftage's moft important ends,* 
 Jnftrufts the pubHc and dehghts his friends, 
 
 f Unt prodefle volunt ant delegare. Hor. 
 
 ON
 
 . C J76 ] 
 
 ON THE 
 
 LATE RAINY SEASON, 
 
 TO , ESQ. 
 
 While daily thus incefTant rains 
 
 Rufh from the clouds and drench the plains ; 
 
 And torrents deluge every road. 
 
 No prudent man would ftir abroad. 
 
 How then, confin'd at home, my friend, 
 Shali we this dreary feafon fpend ? 
 Each jovial crew the rain defies ; 
 " We'll fmoke and drink, (old Soaker cries ;) 
 " Without, while damps aflault the fkin, 
 " We'll warm ourfelves with Port within." 
 
 But you, in confcious virtue bicll, 
 (Perpetual funlhine in your breafl) 
 
 The'
 
 ON THE LATE RAINY SEASONS. 1"^ 
 
 Tho' war, with horrid din of arms, 
 
 Each nation of the globe alarms. 
 
 And on- your roof loud tempefts beat. 
 
 Enjoy your elegant retreat, 
 
 And calmly, in th' hiftoric page. 
 
 Survey the crimes of ev.'ry age ; 
 
 Convinc'd that Heav'rt makes all things tend, 
 
 By various means to one great end. 
 
 Perliaps with rapture you pcrufc 
 The fcenes of fomc dcfcriptive Mufe; 
 In which, beneath unclouded Ikies, 
 The blooming flow'rs fpontancous rife ; 
 For all the feafons of the year, 
 In verfe, with equal charms appear. 
 
 But would you your otc7i thoughts purfnc.^ 
 (As I, a frantic rhymer, do,) 
 Amufe yourfcli", at xacant times, 
 And deck them in liannonious rlivmcs ; 
 Or, with entb.ufiaflic .' c. 
 Like Ax-s"v, Tirikc the clafTic lyre; 
 Like II*R^iNGT*x, in aiitiquc drcfs, 
 \V ith " micklc mirth'" vour t!)oughts cxprcfs j 
 
 Eet
 
 178 ON THE LATE RAINY SEASON. 
 
 Let rain In catara6ls come down, 
 And all your new-fown acres drown; 
 Or drive your cattle down the ftream. 
 You'd flill enjoy your favorite theme. 
 Your tenfold taxes cheerful pay. 
 And rhyme and fcribble night and day. 
 
 BAN.
 
 [ 179 ] 
 
 DANxMONR^ LAUDES; 
 
 OR, 
 
 THE WORTHIES OF DEVONSHIRE. 
 
 Fruitful in all that human life can cheer. 
 To Devon's fons their country's juftly dear; 
 Fruittul in heroes, or by land or fea, 
 Raleigh and Drake derive their birth from 
 
 thee ; 
 Fruitful in genius, flie can boafl; her Gay, 
 And many a Poet of the prefent day : 
 But, in the fifter art, more fertile flill, 
 She boafis her Painters of confummate (kill; 
 I hence Hudfon, fnfl. in time, it ipt in lame, 
 Aniid/l the group, defervcs no vulgar name ; 
 Beyond tlie liie lie fwclld tlic flowing line, 
 Yet lace an.fl \ civet made liis portrait;;- j^.':;^. 
 
 In
 
 i8o DANiMONiiED LAUDES ; Oftj 
 
 ^ In Hudfon's fchool fam'd Reynold's courfe 
 
 begun ; 
 Where much to learn he favv, and much to 
 
 fliun ; 
 From RomCj the feat of ArtSj With kriowledge 
 
 fraught, 
 He to our Englifh School perfelion brought ; 
 And, when by time his paintings fhall decay. 
 His writings will his wond'rous fkill difplay* 
 By Woolcote's aid, e'er Opie had appear'd, 
 Northcote was known, and for his fkill re- 
 
 ver'd : 
 And had his merits met their full reward. 
 Had Pindar deign'd his praifes to record, 
 His talents more celebrity might claim, 
 And Northcote juftly fhare Sir Jolhua's*^ 
 
 fame. 
 
 * Sir Jofliua Reynolds. 
 
 HORACE'S
 
 [ .8, 3 
 
 HORACE'S ODE II. B. 2. 
 
 ** Quid bellicofus Cantaber and & Scythes 
 < Cogltet &c.'* 
 
 IMITATED. 
 
 I. 
 
 i^HAT the ferocious Gaul intends, 
 Or Spaniard, who their navy lends, 
 
 Againft his will, our foe : 
 Ceafe to inquire! For-j let them boaft, 
 They ne'er (hall reach the Brittifli coalt; 
 
 Suffice it this to know I 
 
 II. 
 
 Thank hcav'n ! the ocean rolls between. 
 
 O'er which Britannia rules as Oueen ; 
 
 Nor fears what France can do : 
 
 Should they the rich of wealth bereave, 
 
 They flill, my friend, mufl; furely leave, 
 
 Enough for me and you. 
 * ' N 711, Life
 
 102 HORACE S ODE II. B. 2. 
 
 III. 
 Life does not want this vain parade. 
 Why then Ihould you be thus afraid, 
 
 Who fliare Thalia's ftore ? 
 Giv'e us but health and competence, 
 We both, I trufl, have too much fenfe. 
 
 To wilh or care for more. 
 
 IV. 
 
 Alas ! mv friend, with rapid pace, 
 Your fportive youth and ev*ry grace. 
 
 That decks your perfon, fly : 
 While withcr'd age, with equal fpeed. 
 And cares, to am'rous joys fucceed, 
 
 And gentle fleep deny. 
 
 V. 
 
 The vernal flowers that now fo fair. 
 With balmy fwcets perfume the air, 
 
 Will lofe thcu' blooming grace : 
 The ruddy moon, that now fo bright, 
 Spreads o'er the iky her Hlver light. 
 
 Will wear a diiT'rcnt f^cc. 
 
 VI. Why
 
 IMITATED. 183 
 
 VI. - : 
 
 Why then (hould we, my worthy friend, 
 IncefTantly our toil attend ? 
 
 And while the day is fine, 
 Why not, with cheerful hearts, retreat. 
 And take our glafs on yonder feat, 
 
 Beneath that lofty pine ? 
 
 VII. 
 
 Wine diflipates the biting cares. 
 Which ev'ry mortal fometimcs fhares, 
 
 And makes the heart right glad : 
 A copious ftream runs thro' my courtj 
 Let Joe then cool our ardent port, 
 
 For Joe's an a6f ive lad ! 
 
 VIII. 
 And let fair Lydia haite along ; 
 And give us one ca^leftial fong ; 
 
 It haply fhc be found : 
 For Lydia ftrolls about, I ^vot, 
 Like Venus, in a carclcls knoc, 
 
 ficr lovelv trcfics round.* 
 
 ' I liivc :ilway3 admired tlis fnfy limple clsif.' of fcv^ijl 
 0]fs of" J-Ijr.Kc 5 rrtv'.irularly 0:t \' B. z. WiK'.i he c.om-
 
 184 Horace's ode, &c. 
 
 pares the unconcerned manner with which Regulus returns on 
 his parole to Carthage, though he knew he fhould be put to 
 torture ; with that of" an eminent lawyer, going (after the 
 Term) to his country feat, at Richmond or Windfor, &c. 
 
 " Tendens Venafranos In agros 
 *' Ant Lacedamoniuin Taientun." 
 
 And Od. 31. B. I " Turpem fenectam, 
 
 *< Degere, ncccythara carentcm." 
 
 xo
 
 [ i85 ] 
 
 TO 
 
 AMOS GREEN, Esq, 
 
 In return for a beautiful Drawing of kis^ 
 conveyed to me by Mrs. C de, 
 
 Tho' winter foon will clofe th' autumnal 
 
 fceae, 
 Your landfkapes, Amos, will be q:\qx green \ 
 Still blooming as the charms of lovely C de, 
 Tho' feafons change, your tints fhall never 
 
 fade. 
 But ah ! this token of your kind regard, 
 Is ill repaid by rhymes from fuch a Bard : 
 A Poet fhould record a Painter's name, 
 My rhymes, I fear, will fully your bright 
 
 fame. 
 
 Let
 
 l86 TO AMOS GREE>r, ES?^. 
 
 Let Shenflone's* profc then, for he knew 
 
 thee well, 
 Let Truth'?,, not Fiftion's tongue, thy merits 
 
 tell. 
 
 * She his Letter t!ie ooth. 
 
 CON
 
 [ i87 ] 
 
 CONSOLATORY SMILES. 
 
 As thro' the ftreet I ftroll, my gloomy breafl, 
 With real or with fancied ills oppreft, 
 Some /lately prieft or empty fop I meet, 
 Who proudly turn afide, or coldly greet. 
 Their pride a wife man would defpife I \vecn, 
 And fo do I yet they augment my fplcej-!. 
 
 But it fome lovely nymph, like Lady , 
 
 With fmiling, friendly afpect, crofs mv M"ay, 
 
 Who, happy in herfelf, to all extends 
 
 Thofe fwcet regards with which flic greets 
 
 her friends, 
 As oft the fun when mifts obfcure the dawn, 
 Darts thro' the clouds his beams and gilds the 
 
 lawn ; 
 I lev winning //m It's and beaut\""s cheering ra\-, 
 Pifpells the gloom and every tlujig looks gdv.
 
 FRUGALITY 
 
 SOURCE OF GENEROSITY, 
 
 On the liberal Suhfcripfion of 2000 hy a 
 Country Gentleman for the Defence of the 
 Country^ \']^'^> 
 
 xviCHES pofTefs'd by men of worth and fenfe, 
 The joys of hfe to multitudes difpenfe; 
 Yet half the ills that plague mankind we're 
 
 told, 
 Spring from the baneful influence of gold : 
 And Mfers are the Bard's perpetual theme ; 
 AVho never eold beheld but in a dream ; 
 V\ lio thinks a man witii hxpencc in his pnrfe. 
 Defcrves tlie Poet's laih, the Spendihritt's 
 
 curfc : 
 
 And
 
 TRUCALITY, ScC. 189 
 
 And fwears, tho' he himfelf 's not worth a 
 groat 
 
 CEconomy's beneath a wife man's thought. 
 But be it by thefe Spendthrifts underftood] 
 
 That who Javes moji, has power to do 7nqfi 
 good : 
 
 Who to himfelf thofe luxuries denies, 
 
 From whence the poor with comforts he fup- 
 pHes : 
 
 And fhould his country's caufc his aid de- 
 mand, 
 
 He lavijlies his weahh with liberal hand. 
 
 Such men defeive th' applaufe of every 
 ton(jue ; 
 
 Know then ! one fuch there is' his name is 
 L NG. 
 
 ACOR^
 
 L 190 } 
 
 CORPORATION FEAST 
 
 AT 
 
 BAT 11. 
 
 -" Satur eft cum deck Horatius Evce !"* 
 
 Juvir*. 
 
 All t!iat good cheei- and focial mirth afford;, 
 M^e've this day tafted at the tcftive board ; 
 No more let rural Mayors or City feafts. 
 And A14crmen, provoke malignant jells : 
 Nor envious Bards, excluded from the treat, 
 Blafphemt the cullard,f which thev long tq 
 eat! 
 
 * A R;:rd, wlien Imi^gry, is oft&D very diiU, 
 Eut iings \vlt}> rapture ' when lii;i bi-Ilv's full. 
 
 AkONYM, 
 
 i I'm Ici's icms'n?. 
 
 ikhoia 1
 
 A CORPORATION FEAST 191 
 
 Behold ! at Bath, to check the fcurril fneer, ' 
 A group ot gentlemen, Incorporate there! 
 For fcicnce and for lib'ral manners known, 
 Wliofc leads are furaptuous, th' cxpence 
 
 their own !'' 
 There H-rr ton afTumes the guardian care ; 
 There M-yf-y deign'd to grace the Praetor's 
 
 chair, 
 Nor docs this city boaft her P-hn-rt lefs ; 
 V.^hcm ev'ry iaitliful lovers hoard io blcfs! 
 Thofe favour'd gucfts, wlio at this banquet 
 
 fit, 
 Enjoy a " FeaJ]. oi Rcafon,'' and of wit. 
 Diverted of their flate, intent to pleafe. 
 Here Lords with Coinmouers, converfe at 
 
 cafe : 
 With Thynnc:^ and Ardcn, C-md-n condc- 
 
 fccnds, 
 From public caves, to gratify his friends; 
 
 t p^ 
 
 Partly ; th.' all'war.c: b-^'no: <" \iam fuiHcicnt. 
 + Wlidf;" acVivf -gcr.iiiG proj \z\ the more fxpsditlous con- 
 Tfvnncc ot Ji'l'.crn. 
 
 -\ Our Rq-rcf-.:;;.!-;-. - ani IsLC.idcr. 
 
 Yet
 
 itj,2 A CORPOJIATION fEAST. 
 
 Yet ''midfl the fecial glafs^ promotes the caufe 
 Of loyahy and reverence for the laws. 
 
 But thofc, who fraught ^vith fpleen or lloic 
 
 pride, 
 Thefe free convivial meetings would deride; 
 Who, ices to order, to the good and wife. 
 Would teach the crowd theiv rulers to de- 
 
 fpife ; 
 l^t them to France and Anarchy refort f 
 With Jacobins enjoy their barb''rous fport. 
 Go. feafl on fallad, learn a frog to carve. 
 And with Republicans hcJIavesr-T^nd. Itarve, 
 
 AN*
 
 L *93 1 
 
 A^ INVETERATE 
 
 RHYMER'S FAREWELL 
 
 TO THE 
 
 MUSES. 
 
 Written in a Morning's Walk at Slcurhtad,. 
 
 SriLL cliarm'd with groves and lawns and 
 
 winding ftreams, 
 And all the witchery of poetic dreams : 
 While thefc gay vihons realiz'd by Hoare, 
 Still warm my iancy, ailive at fourfcore ; 
 W^hilc nmn'fous friends, attentive to afiuagc; 
 The varions ills that liover round old age; 
 With kindnefs undcferv'd, poiitelv ftrive 
 To keep my langnid love of life alive : 
 How can I wilii thefe comforts to forco-o, 
 '.riic cliarrns which thefo Arcadian fcenes be- 
 llow ?
 
 i94 tiiE rhVmer's farewell. 
 
 But when Tfeel, alas ! each year, eachdayi 
 Some blunted fenfe or faculty decay ; 
 When ufelefs grown to life's important ends, 
 I live a burden to indulgent friends : 
 Doom'd an inglbrious holiday to keep. 
 My fole concern to eat and drink and fleep. 
 When no return my ieeble pow'rs can make. 
 Why fhouid I thus their friendly care par- 
 take ? 
 Why fhouid I longer \V-i{h ta linger where 
 No ray of hope remains life's gloom' to cheer ? 
 Why not retreat ! nor tire the publick eye; 
 At home contented live and learn to die. 
 
 No. IIL '
 
 PART III. 
 
 QUlSQUITlyE. 
 
 HUMOROUS,
 
 ib'O'i'rr,) : ., . ; ,.'..,1 yu ,,,<.iii fi'isf) wol'l 
 
 MATERNAL bESJ'DTlSM?'"^ 
 
 .?r-' ' OR, '' ^-- 
 
 Toe rights of IJ^FANTS*- 
 
 Unhand menurfe! tliou faucy quean ! 
 W^hat does this female tyrant mean ? 
 Thus, head and foot, in fwathcs to bind, 
 'Spite of the " Rights of human kind ;" 
 And lay me flretch'd upon my back, 
 (Like a poor culprit on the rack ;) 
 An infant, like thyfclf, born free, 
 And independent, flut ! on tliee. 
 
 Have I not right to kick and fprawl. 
 To laugh or cry, to fqucak or fquall ! 
 Has ever, by my aft and deed, 
 Thy right to rule mc been decreed ? 
 
 * In allufion to Payne's " Rights of Man;" and Mrs. 
 Wolftoncioft's " Rights of Women." 
 
 O How
 
 198 THE riChts of Infants* 
 
 How dar'll thou, defpot ! then controul . 
 Th* exertions of a free-born foul ? 
 
 Tho' now an infant, when lean,- - 
 I'll rife and feize " The Rights of Man;'*' 
 Nor make my haughty nurfe alone. 
 But monarch's tremble on their throne ; 
 And boys and kings thenceforth you^ll .fee. 
 Enjoy complete Equality. 
 
 DOGREL
 
 t 199 ] ^ 
 
 DOGREL RHYMES ; 
 Or, T^E RIGHTS OF DOGS,, .. 
 
 On the Propofal for diminijking the Conn 
 Jumption of food^ byfiarving the Dogs. 
 
 AGAINST THE TYRANNY OF MAN ! 
 
 Can it, ye Britons, then be true? 
 
 Was this dire fcheme deviz'd by you ? - ^^ . 
 
 A fcheme, humanity's difgrace, ' 
 
 To maffacre an harmlefs race ! '; - 
 
 Ah no ! fome Jacobin began 
 
 This yet unheard-of claim of man : 
 
 This charter for himfelf to carve, 
 
 And all his fellow-brutes to ftarve. 
 
 Return Tom Paine ! high fed with frogs, 
 
 And vindicate " The Rights of Dogs.'* 
 
 * N. B. Wilttcn In confequence of an humane and inge 
 Ijlous Letter by John Taylgr, Efq, in the Bath Herald. 
 
 o 2 Poor
 
 200 DOqRE^; KHYJ^IES. 
 
 Poor Stella! by thy looks I fee 
 This plot is not unknown to thee : 
 This curie. on thy- (Jevoted headj 
 Robbed of thy due " A cruft of bread." 
 Thy looks Ihould buf coitlpaffiort ttiovc,' 
 Thofe looks of hunger and of love. 
 
 Shall tyrant Man ! 'array'd in power," " 
 Heaven's choiccll gifts atone devh^ur ? ^ 
 And his domeflic flave not dare 
 The rcfufe of his board to share ? 
 
 By night the wotves. i in opeo d^y. :: : ' 
 The lions boldly feize their piey.:;.;;. 
 And all the beafts that rah^e the fields, 
 Un-envied eat what nature yields : 
 
 Shall Dogs, that left their native wdoii? . . 
 To guard our manfions and our goods; 
 Watch o'er our flocks, our conftant friend, 
 And iondiy on our fieps attend ; 
 Shall they alone be'difrcgarded. 
 Their faithful fervice unrewaixled ? 
 Forbid it heaven ! It mult not be ; - - 
 Nor Man renounce hmnamty : 
 
 Con-
 
 DOGREL:aHY,MES. 201 
 
 Confound, ye Gods ! th' exclufive plan ; 
 Confound &2LchfelJiJh fclieme of man ! 
 No Herald^ then the facl proclaim ! 
 No Chronicle* record'-Diir fliame ! 
 Let not the Sun'^ the deed behold ! 
 Nor in out Journah* b^ it told ; 
 This truth Courier'* nor Star* advance. 
 Nor tell it to our Friejids in France ! 
 But when both Dogs and Men are rotten, 
 Be it eternally forgotten ! 
 
 * Newfpapers. 
 
 *^ % 'THE
 
 [ 202 ] 
 
 THE 
 
 RIGHTS OF REPTILES. 
 
 TO A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG SNAIL. 
 
 Emblem of patient refignation! 
 Contented in thy lowly ftation : 
 Who free from feuds and noify flrif^e, 
 Peaceful ^x\A filtnt pafs thro' life: 
 Nor led by giddy freaks aftray, 
 You calmly Ileal along the way ; 
 From Virtue's path ne'er turn afi^e, 
 Tho' often trampled on by Pride;' 
 And crupCd beneath oppreflion's weight 
 By haughty man, who ftruts in flate ! 
 Th.o' Jloxv, to one chief point you tend; 
 Yet, Jure at laft to gain your end ; 
 
 Poor
 
 TtlE RIGHTS OF REPTILES* 203 
 
 Poor, unoffending, gentle Snail ! 
 My counter part pooir Reptile hail! 
 
 Tho' kor}is you have, they're not to Jbundf 
 But guard yourfelf not others woUrid : 
 Yet ofteii ftieath'd within their focket, 
 As men fometimes their horns will pocketi 
 
 Your houfe-^and what few things you 
 lack,* 
 You wifely carry on your back : 
 For in thefe times wc all have found, 
 Bafe thieves and houfebreakers abound. 
 Your houfe, a fhell of various hues j 
 Not children only to amufe^ 
 But, if a Virtuofo gains, 
 Hisj(?v o"er-pays a twelvemonth's j&flfj.f 
 
 You fometimes feaft upon our fruit, 
 Your languid fpirits to recruit : 
 But is exclu/ive right then given. 
 To man ! oi all the gifts oi heaven ? 
 
 * ' Omnia mz\ m;cum porto," fays the Philofopher. 
 
 + Sec the durader of Sir GjaiFry Gimsrcok; in th Ta?^ 
 kr, 1 think. 
 
 Oh!
 
 04 THE RIGHTS OF REPTII^ES^ 
 
 Oh ! I deteft fuch felfifh dealings, 
 So uncongenial with my Jedings. 
 Snails furely are our fellow-creatures. 
 The' ,i<;iix\ejlighi difTerence in oiir features ; 
 And when their rac^ perfection* reaches. 
 Snails too ^ay have their plumbs and peaches, 
 And inter ejl pay, when in their pow'r, 
 Por all our fruit which they devour. 
 
 Come then, and on my peaches feed ; 
 And, tho' too numerous your breed ; 
 I would not crulh you for the world 
 But, to my neighbour's garden hurl'djt 
 Make him contribute his alTiflance ; 
 To meliorate, your fhort exiftence : 
 For in this wife, enlighten'd age^ 
 Equality is quite the rage : 
 
 * See the modern writers on Perfeftlbllity. 
 
 + I put this cafe to a French Cafuift ; Which was the 
 greter fin ; to Jcill a Snail, or throw him into your neigh- 
 bours garden ? He determined the latter, contrary to my 
 opinion. 
 
 And
 
 THE RIQHTS OF REPTILES. 205 
 
 And if, by toil, you've gain'd great ftore. 
 You're bound to aid the idle poor. 
 
 When Sol thro' mifts emits his ray. 
 And winter's gloom contrafts the day, 
 Retlr'd within your humble cell. 
 At home, like me, you love to dwell ; 
 There doze away your vacant time, 
 While I,' more idle read- and rhyiile : 
 Thus a Reclufe I live, like you ; 
 Poor, hai'mlefs Reptile ! theu Adieu ! 
 
 MUR-
 
 [ ioS J-^- 
 
 MURDER AND ADULTERY : 
 
 OR, 
 
 CHASTITY POLLUTED, 
 
 S<elus eft jugulore Falemum. :-Ma^ 
 
 My wine is gocrd, not better has tlie king ; 
 My water's pure, from yon Caftalian fpringj 
 Ot each, alone Sh% you may drink your fill ; 
 Of wine a dozen bumpers, if you will ; 
 But why good wine with water thus dilute ? 
 Or why th' unfullied Lymph with wine poU 
 
 lute ? 
 Wine mix'd with water, mod wife men 
 
 agree. 
 Is downright Murder arid Ad^dtery, 
 
 The
 
 20/ MURDER AN0 ADiit^TERY. 
 
 The water foil'd, is like a wife unchafle; 
 And wine, thus murder'd, palls upon the 
 
 tafte.* , , ; 
 
 If then with me, my friend, you wilh to dine, 
 Drink zuater if you pleafe, but fpare my wine. 
 
 * I am convinced, by my own experience, at leaft, that 
 wine and water pall* the ftomacfa. Drink your wine firft and 
 your water after it. Sydenham recommends " Cerevifia te- 
 jiuis," gr table beer, as the moft whokfome beverage. 
 
 BOTANY
 
 4 ^o8 3 
 
 
 BOTANY. BAYT 
 
 A NEW SONG. 
 
 To the Tune ojs^ By Jove ! Til be free:* 
 
 f. 
 
 Come all ye young virgins, fo frolic and fair, 
 
 Who the market have tried and of hufbands 
 
 defpair ; 
 
 Bid adieu ! to old England, and trip it away, 
 
 And join the bold convifts at Botany-Bay. 
 
 At Botany-Bay ; 
 
 And join the bold Convifts at Botany-Bay. 
 
 / 
 II. 
 
 If flighted by neighbours, to fcandal inclin'd, 
 
 For having been once to a lover too kind ; 
 
 Defpife their bafe cenfurc; come trip it away, 
 
 And join the bold Convifts at Botany-Bay. 
 
 At Botany-Bay, &c. 
 
 Ill Amonr
 
 BOTANY-BAY^ %P9 
 
 ,i :>d -ii'! \i 1U ff'.VK.Js :v; .'. 'ni T 
 Among five hundred felons, a man you may 
 
 . chufe^ 
 Who like you too has no reputation to lofe ; 
 Then folace each other by night and by day. 
 No fcandal can hurt you at Botany -Bay. 
 
 At Botany-Bay, &.c, , . v 
 
 Tho' a thief or a robber, in that common- 
 weal, 
 
 Live honeft he mufl where there's nothing 
 to Heal ; 
 
 And where halters are plenty ; for Botanift's 
 fay, 
 
 The firell ot hemp grows at Botany-Bay. 
 Ac Botar.y-Buy, &c- 
 
 V. 
 
 How happy you'll live in your peregrination. 
 Where you vc nothing to do but attend pro- 
 creation ; 
 
 The
 
 The more children you get, the better you'll 
 
 pay . 
 
 Your debt to old England at Botany-Bay. 
 "'' At Botany-Bay, See, 
 
 .' " -Viiiii 
 
 VI. 
 
 From fuch worthy parents each worthy de-. 
 
 fcendant 
 May hereaftejr gi:ow rich and b^copie incic^ 
 
 pende7it, 
 TKeji laugh 9,t old England, who fent yoi^ 
 
 away, 
 ^ud fo happily plac'd you at ^otany-Bay, 
 At Botany-Bay, &c. 
 
 VII. 
 
 Our American friends, by Frenchmen dci. 
 
 ceiv'd, 
 From fancied oppreffion may thiAk they're 
 
 rclicv'd ; 
 
 Tho'
 
 BOTAKY-BAY. 21 1 
 
 Tho' for England's mild laws they'll have 
 
 defpotic fway, 
 But we hope better things from Botany-Bay, 
 At Botany-Bay, &c, 
 
 N. B. This was written during the American conteft ; which 
 t^owever terminated better to each party thaa was cxpe&cd. 
 
 JOHN
 
 rrv'tn oi ; 
 j6hN BALL'S* SEDITIOUS TEXT. - 
 
 ' When Adam delv'd, and Eve fpun, 
 ** Who was then a Gentleman ?*' 
 
 Answer. 
 
 \V HEN naked all, like Eve and Adam, 
 Your Joan might be as good as Madam ; 
 And, tillage then the only trade. 
 We all had learnt to ufe the fpade. 
 
 But, tho' mankind are ftill the fame. 
 And equal rights by nature claim ; 
 Yet, if no focial laws cxifted. 
 And every man did what he lifted ; 
 If all mankind muft dig ox J pin. 
 You'd have no covering but your fkin. 
 
 A fanatic prieft in the Reign of Richard II. who by his 
 fedltious fermons and rhymeSj without reafon, fovved the feeds 
 of Wat Tykr's Rebellion, 
 
 Fur,
 
 joH'M ball's seditious text. 213 
 
 For, who would weave, or be your taylor ? 
 
 Who'd be a foldier or a failor ? 
 
 Who'd make your tables or your fhelves ? 
 
 'Troth ! you muft make them all yourfelyes. 
 Let each man then aJOTifl: his neighbour, 
 
 And each perform fome ufeful labour ; 
 
 Thus various arts would be inv^ntld, ' 
 
 And thofe, now poor and difcontented, 
 
 Might fodn grow rich, by labouring more ; 
 While lazy folks muft needs be poor : 
 For why fhould they, who take no pains, 
 Kob others of their honeft gains ? 
 While fome obey, and fome coirunand. 
 And each man lends an helping hand ; 
 While thofe beft Ikill'd, the velfel fteer, 
 Each may be happ)> in his fphere. 
 In fhort, 'tis evident, you fee, 
 That different ranks thero needs muft be ) 
 There muft be then, fay vv^hat you can. 
 That dreadful thing -a Gejitlcman ! 
 
 O.N
 
 L 214 1 . I / v,^ 
 
 ON THE 
 
 VOLUNTARY SUBSCRIPTIONS 
 
 FOR 
 
 INTERNAL & EXTERNAL DEFENCE. 
 
 " His fword the braTC man draw?. 
 
 ** And wants no omen but his Country's caufe." 
 
 Britannia, Queen of Ifles! by heav'n de- 
 
 fign'd 
 To guard the focial rights of human kind ; 
 Where genuine freedom gilds the fertile 
 
 plains, 
 And pure Religion, yei unhanlfli'd, reigns; 
 Where equal laws all ranks, well-pleas'd 
 
 obey, 
 Secur'd from Kings' or Mobs' tyrannic fway: 
 Now arm'd to drive invaders from the land. 
 Her patriotic fons embodied fland. 
 
 He,
 
 VOLUNTARY SUBSCRIPTIONS. 215 
 
 He, that to guard from a barbarian horde 
 His country's freedom, would not draw his 
 
 fwprdj 
 Deferves to be a flave ; yet he does worfe, 
 In fuch a caufe who would not draw his 
 
 purfe. 
 
 ? 2 DOMESTIC
 
 C 2^6 ] 
 
 DOMESTIC COMFORT, 
 
 OR, 
 
 SATURDAY NIGHT s EMPLOYMENT. 
 
 Who e'er has feen on Afrlc's fandy fhoar. 
 Where favage monfter's lurk and lions roar; 
 Burfl from th' entangled thicket in her way 
 An hungry tigrefs rufhing on her prey : 
 In vain the hunter's Ihouts afTault her ears. 
 She fcorns their clamours and defies their 
 
 fpears ; 
 Unawed amidfl th' attacks of dogs and men, 
 She bears her prize, triumphant to her den. 
 With equal fury, arm'd with mops and 
 
 brooms, 
 The headftrong houfe-mald traverfes your 
 
 rooms : 
 
 No force her operations can withftand ; 
 
 Nor gods nor men arreft her fcouring hand. 
 
 About
 
 DOMESTIC COMFORT. 217 
 
 About her waift her twilled apron's bound ; 
 On pattens rals'd fhe ftalks the apartments 
 
 round. 
 Her floating batteries dafhing from her pail, 
 By hydroftatic laws the walls aflail. 
 Her rofy arms their wonted labours ply. 
 Chairs, tables, fophas, fkreens before her fly. 
 In vain her reverend mafter ftorms and frets. 
 Madam commands, and Nancy fcorns his 
 
 threats. 
 His books and papers fcattered on the floor : 
 Hq /wears; flie laughs, and fings and fcrubs 
 
 the more ; 
 (For evils in domeflic life there are. 
 Nor this the leaft, would make a par/on fwear) 
 Till wet and damp each room, the fancy quean. 
 Now proudly boafts, *' The hoitfe for p?ice is 
 
 clean ;" 
 For wei and clean, with ev'ry Britifli dame. 
 Say what you pleafe, will always mean the 
 
 fame. 
 
 P 3 DEVOL'T
 
 '12 
 
 [ 2l8 ] 
 
 ' '' ''' DEVOUT MEDITATIONS t' '' 
 SUNDAY NIGHT'S AMUSEMENTS, 
 
 ,-'^ . . ..... \i. .::. 
 
 .-[; j-r'i/ie?// pictas ; heu 1' pfifco Jides ! 
 
 vV^HEREVR numerous parties meiet, 
 Troiii Portland to St. James's Street j -^ 
 Or fliarpers prey upon the filly, 
 From Charing Crofs to Piccadilly ; 
 To ill the world Clarinda's known, 
 The life, the centre of the ton : 
 To th' idle, profligate^, or gay. 
 Her houfe is "-open, night and day J 
 Where, Vice and Folly in a league, 
 Thev loiter, gamble, or intrigue. 
 As the old ting- rang,* or faints bell, 
 Cc.Iis folks to church by its fharp knell 
 
 * As ladies of this defciiption were probably never in a coi'.n* 
 try church, they muft know, this little bell, called the Saiiit's- 
 bcll, is rur;^, wl.;,r. the fervice is jiili: beginning and by its 
 quick mction fecir.s to cxprcfsj ,' Come I all as will come."
 
 DEVOUt MEDITATIONS. 219 
 
 ** Come, all as will come," all are welcome ; 
 (If they will play J let imps from hell come : 
 For, be it known, to fill her rout, 
 Five hundred Cards are fent about. 
 On that bkft day which' nian and beaft. 
 By heaven's command, devote to rejl. 
 Hear this, good Chriftians all, and tremble, 
 "WhWc you, }.n godly fort affemble . 
 To fay your prayers, or hear a fermon, 
 (Refrelhing ! as the dew of Hermon) 
 Thefe furies hold their horrid rites. 
 Like witches on the Sunday nights. 
 And, fpite of laws, divine and civil. 
 Invite the World,* the FIefh,+ and Devil. I 
 Open- for Vice a public fchool 
 To allure the young from Virtue^s rule ; 
 Divert the old till their laft breath, 
 From thinking on th' approach of death ; 
 'Till unawares tliis thoughtlefs band 
 Die, with four Honours in their hand.'^ 
 
 * Lady . f Lady . + Mrs. , Sec. 
 
 Ace, King, Queen, and Knave. 
 
 A fenfe of" (})nne, it is hoped, has of late given fomc chsck 
 C9 thsfc indecencies.
 
 
 X 20 3, 
 
 ""% > 
 
 : 'j' noi i ' ,-;j, (is , no 'J 
 
 ; .::f; iiOi: t:o"U oU'rni ^2! \ m. ''^ .- ; .Hi il', 
 ,r- ,- -i. 'T4* .,t - .. -'ii ,,![ , . : 
 
 THE HEROIC TAYLOR,^ 
 
 .._'. '.t p'\ '. i>i'\'.'\'y?\ .' 
 T ho' want of Liberty's the' caift, .,,1 j ), 
 'Tis all but democratic rant - -3 ' ; 
 
 The' royal defpots are a curfe, 
 Domeftic tyrants ftill are worfe. 
 But now ^nd then Kings can do wrong; -j 
 At home, we're tortur'd all day long ; 
 And when thofe flaves [that Jhould obeyj 
 Our wives ^ufurp tyrannic fway, 
 This, fure, no mortal man can bear ; 
 'Twould almofl make a parfon fwear. 
 
 A taylor and his buxom wife 
 Liv'd quite a fafliionable life ; 
 
 He
 
 THE DOMESTIC DEiSPOT. J?2t 
 
 He ftill atliome ; Jhe always out, 
 A refllefs goffip, ftroll'd about': 
 Having no children to amufc 
 Her leifure hours, Ihe liv'd on new?. 
 For fovereignty they often llrove ; 
 She a fierce hawk, he a meek dove. 
 
 One rnoming, crofs-Ieg'd like a Turk, 
 Poor Snip fate harmlefs at his work ; 
 ^Tw?LsJmaIi-cloaiks for the fquire, of filk: 
 *' Come down !" cries Ihe, *' and fetch the 
 milk." 
 
 This language too defpotic feem'd. 
 Not fit for wives, the good man deem'd. 
 Poor Snip demurr'd ; tho' much afraid ; 
 Yet refolutely difobey'd. 
 Her fury now began to roufe; 
 She wrench'd the breeches from her fpoufe 
 Nay, pull'd her fultan down at once, 
 Eclabour'd him -about the fconce 
 Witli her flioe-hcel and arm fo able ; 
 Then (liov'd him underneath the table : 
 
 " There
 
 !^Z THE DOMESTIC DESPOT. 
 
 "There lie!" quoth fhc; and llrain'd his 
 
 neck faft,..- - - -v - ;j>qt; / 
 
 " There lie! till I have eat mybreakfafl." [ 
 
 And nqw triumphantly (he fate. 
 And fipp'd her tea in regal ftate. 
 Roll'd up, like wood-loufe, neck and heels, / 
 Poor prick-loufe foon indignant feels 
 His bafe fubjefition to a vixen ~ 
 
 Who infolently cuffs and kicks 'en. 
 At length, poor Snip, \v'ith fore difmay, 
 
 Looks up in hopes to find a way 
 To free himfelf fi'om this difgrace 
 The rnoment he beheld his face, . 
 Again Ihe makes the poor man feel 
 The vengeance of her {harp fhoe-hcel ; 
 And often as his nofe fhe fpics, 
 *' What! dar'Il thou peep ?" his tyrant cries; 
 " Yes! huffy; and, do what you can, 
 " Will peep as long as I'm a man !" 
 "A man!" quoth fiie, " thou mean'ft ^ 
 
 moufc ; 
 " Go! vent thy fury on a loufe ' 
 
 ' I
 
 1"HE DOMESTIC DpPOT. 22J 
 
 *' I fcorn thy threats, and wi(h to fee 
 ' Nine men, (and better men than thee) 
 " Attack me thus fucceflively : 
 ' Thou 'It fee them in the combat fall ; 
 f And me viftorious o'er them all." 
 
 } 
 
 u 
 
 vn-I) /ill 
 
 THE
 
 [ 224 1 
 
 THE PROXY. 
 
 I. 
 Survey the condufl of mankind ; 
 
 Unlefs it too piuch fhocks ye. 
 His duty no one does, you'll find 
 
 for all is done by Proxy. 
 
 II. 
 
 To every office fliould you go^ 
 The Principal but mocks ye ; 
 
 Jle's at his country-feat, I trow, 
 His bufinefs done by Proxy. 
 
 III. 
 The King himfelf, who fleers the hehn. 
 
 And Britain, firm as rock, fee ! 
 Sails fleadily yet flill the realm, 
 
 In faft, is rul'd by Proxy, 
 
 iw For
 
 ffHE PROXY, ^2S 
 
 IV. 
 
 For Howe, with Hood, and fome few morc 
 From cut-throats fafely locks ye ; 
 
 And keeps fecure the Brltifti fliore ; 
 But they too have their Proxy. 
 
 V. 
 
 Some Admirals and Generals fight. 
 Who never camp or dock fee ; 
 
 But plagu*d with gout, keep out of fighti 
 And fail or fight by Proxy. 
 
 VI, 
 
 When, gone to fea, the tar behind 
 
 Is forced to leave his doxy ; 
 On his return he oft' will find, 
 
 She's pregnant grown by Proxy. 
 
 VI r. 
 
 The coachman, if inclin'd to nap, 
 And flcep upon the box, he 
 
 Will give the reins to fome bold chap, 
 
 And drive his coach by Proxy. 
 
 vxir.
 
 ft^S .THE PROXY* 
 
 viir. 
 Your banker fafely keeps your treafurc^ 
 
 Which, rolling in the flocks, he 
 Makes ufe of for his private pleafure 
 
 His paper is his Proxy, 
 
 IX. 
 
 Your Butler and your Groom have wives. 
 In filk and holland fmocks, fee ! 
 
 What wonder then they whet your knives 
 And drefs your horfe by Proxy ? 
 
 x; 
 
 Pray, John, where does your Reflor live j 
 
 So. fam'd for orthodoxy ? 
 At Lon'non mafler, I believe. 
 
 But preaches here by Proxy. 
 
 XI. 
 
 He ftudies politics, I hear, 
 
 He'll fhoot, or hunt, or box ye ; 
 And feldom goes to church, I fear, 
 
 But fays his prayers by Proxy. 
 
 XII. Wei
 
 tHE PROXV, 227 
 
 XII. 
 
 Well ; farmer, you fit by your fire, 
 
 Your man in dirty frock, fee! 
 Does all your work for flender hire. 
 
 You plow and fow by Proxy. 
 
 xin. 
 Your fliepherd flecps upon the ground,^- 
 
 To watch his ftraggling flock, fee ! 
 Yet where, alas ! would they be found. 
 
 But for the dojr his Proxv. 
 
 XIV. 
 
 My chimney-fweeper, in yon court, 1 
 
 His pipe all day he cocks, fee. 
 While fclf-ftarv'd imps That is your fort 1 
 
 Do all his work bv Proxy. 
 
 XV. 
 
 In e\ "ry poll of Church or State, 
 
 Oi deputies what flocks, fee! 
 Why Ihould it then furprife create. 
 
 li t' hca\"eu they goby Proxy. 
 
 TKf;
 
 i 2^8 ] 
 
 THE 
 
 POLICE DISARMED. 
 
 ** Dat venlam corvis, vexat cenfuraColambas.' 
 
 JUT^ 
 
 In Bath, tlio* pleafure keeps her fplendid 
 
 court ; 
 Of rich and idle folks the bleft refort ; 
 Where routs and concerts, feafts, the ball, 
 
 the play, 
 xhilerate the night and cheer the day : 
 She yetj with vagrant throngs infilled, griev'es 
 Of lame and blind, of prollitutes and thicveSi 
 Th' offenfive fight of this difafl'rous crew, 
 Hurts ihejine feelings of the happier few. 
 
 The magiflrate in wrath the nuifance faw ; 
 Hurl'd from his bench the thunder of the law : 
 
 forth
 
 THE POLICE DISARMED. 229 
 
 Forth rufli'd his myrmidons, of office proud. 
 Swept from the flreets the miferable crowd : 
 No more the lame, the blind, the old unfeen ; 
 But, for her nymphs alarm'd, the Paphian 
 
 t|ueen, 
 As when her Trojan fon, in flowing veft. 
 She kindly met,* like mortal damfel dreft, 
 Defcends, with fmiles the ruffian bard to 
 
 greet. 
 The liftors charm'd, llopp'd (hort in Garrard- 
 
 ftreet.t 
 There youth and beauty llor'd, difplay their 
 
 charms, 
 And take the cafual lover to their arms : 
 The laws and liftors there indulgent prove, 
 And bow fubmiffivc at the Ihrine of love. 
 
 * Virg. En. 
 
 1" The retreat ef Injured Innocence, 
 
 ON'
 
 [ 230 3 
 
 ON THE 
 
 PRESENT LOOSE DRAPERY 
 
 OP THE 
 
 FAIR SEX. 
 
 Ladies of old, 'twas underftood. 
 Were poor frail creatures, flelh and bjood \ 
 Too prone their vntue to furrendcr 
 To ev'ry fancy, bold pretender : 
 Who, from within by rebels aided, 
 Th' affault could rarely be evaded. 
 Yet, anxious to continue chaftc. 
 With whale-bone they fecur'd the waif} ; 
 Which, llifFwith b'lckram, lac'd and twiftcd. 
 The herce invader's force refifted : 
 Thus arin'd with ilays and female pride. 
 Her lovers many a nymph dcfy'd. 
 
 But
 
 OM THE LOOSE DRAPERY, 8cC. 231 
 
 But now, like angels, chafte and pure, * 
 With rigid Virtue's fhield fecurc, 
 The gate's thrown open, cautions ceafe. 
 The nymph enjoys herfelf in peace.* 
 
 What, tho' (he has laid afide her ftays, 
 From Duty's path fhe rarely ftrays : 
 Her zone (he hinds beneath her breaft, 
 And only veils with lawn the reft : 
 And tho' by foes fometimes bombarded, 
 She leaves the citadel unguarded : 
 Still to herfelf and Virtue true. 
 She fears not what vain man can do.f 
 
 * Apertis otia portls. Hox. 
 
 i I hope there will not be thought any thing indelicate in 
 )r.'i3 defcription ot what the hJies dj not think fo in their 
 ily!- af Jrcfs. 
 
 Q 'A T^r
 
 [ 232 ] 
 
 TO THE LOVELY LADY 
 
 ViTH beauty fuch, as rarely here beloWj 
 The fates vouchfafe on moruls to beftow : 
 The native rofes blooming in her cheeks, 
 Marcia from art fuperfluous luftre feeks; 
 And not contented with her envied doom 
 Afpires ;o dazzle with caeleflial bloom. 
 
 By Nature thus adorn'd, can then alas f 
 FairMarcias Ikill the work of heaven furpafs? 
 Infread of Life's warm tints, a lifelefs, cold, 
 Uninimated PiBure we behold. 
 Her own good fenfe to fafhion thus a flave. 
 By art deftroysthe charms which nature gave. 
 
 MY
 
 [ 233 ] 
 
 MY PICTURE. 
 
 X ho' infignificant thro' life, I'm told, 
 I famous grow, by merely growing old : 
 Nor friends alone, but e\'ery man I meet, 
 With gracious greetings flops me in the flreet ; 
 And feems to envy me my bleft condition, 
 To have my Pifture in the exhibition. 
 By Northcote painted ! and fo like, you'd fwear, 
 That I myfelf, in gown and fcarf, were there. 
 Hear then, my friends, the counfel that I 
 
 give ; 
 Live fober lives, if long you wifh to live. 
 Be wife ! be good ! in no purfuits engage, 
 Deftruftive of the reverence ilue to age. 
 And then do what you plcafe, 'tis much the 
 
 fame, 
 It you live long, you'll haply rife to fame : 
 Or, \vhat is a much more comfortable truth, 
 In aijc enjoy the chccrfiil health of youth. 
 
 Q 3 irii
 
 [ 234 3 
 
 TH? 
 
 UNIVERSAL REMEDY. 
 
 My grand-mother, old Mrs. Shandy, 
 Is a great friend to right French Brandy 
 I often call upon her, and I, 
 Am always forc'd to take fome brandy : 
 If you are fick, fhe'll then command yt^ 
 To take a glafs of good French brandy : 
 If you are well the bottle's handy, 
 She'll reevmmend a fip of brandy. 
 Have you a cold ? No fugar- candy 
 Is half fo good as a little brandy : 
 If hot and faint,, you'll find good brandy, 
 Believe me, Sir, " Sclamen grande :"* 
 
 * A great comforr. 
 
 fatigu'd
 
 THE UNIVERSAL REMEDY. 235 
 
 Fatigued at cricket, or at bandy, 
 " Here child, come ! take a fip of brandy :" 
 If on the road the fun have tann'd ye. 
 Why wafh your face with a little brandy : 
 The road, )ou fay, is dry and fandy, 
 Rince your mouth with a drop of brandy : 
 Should you be fea-fick, let them land ye. 
 And take a quart of right French brandy. 
 You feem quite faint, Sir! let me hand ye 
 A glafs of madam's heft French Brandy ; 
 Your ftomach aches ? I underf^and ye, 
 Here ! take this |/lafs of right Nantes brandy : 
 If ftrain'd your leg, " vi amtalandi,"* 
 Bathe it with watei mix'd with brandy; 
 Nay, if your eye's fore, Mrs. Shandy 
 Thinks nothing better than good brandy. 
 In fliort, fhc thinks you never can die, 
 If feafon'd well with right French brandy. 
 
 * By walking too much. 
 
 TO
 
 [ 236 ] 
 
 A SIMILAR PRESCRIPTION 
 
 IN A 
 
 DIFFERENT VEHICLE."^ 
 
 You're crippled -with the gout, at fort)-* 
 
 eight, 
 Yet M'ifh for heakh and aik for my receipt : 
 My hale old age to temperance is due. 
 Which rule for Health I'd recommend to you ; 
 E'en luxurv, when rightly uuderflood, 
 Is found, ii hungry, in the plaiueft food. 
 
 * A poor womsn, rear Bath; having been ordered by the 
 dcftor to give her hufband a dofe in a f roper vehicle, confult- 
 ed the parfon what a vehicle was' He told her a waggon, ri 
 cirt, or a wj'.cc'- harrow. The latter only being in her pofiVf- 
 (lon, the poor woman lifted hcrhufband fairly into the whecl- 
 b.irrcw, and jumbled jiim up and down the ftony hill j which 
 &.Z fuid did him more gccd than all the Debtor's llufF. 
 
 But,
 
 A SIMILAR PRESCRIPTION. 237 
 
 But, ah! j^'ije^rtafl^tor dainties is increas'd. 
 You talk with rapture of a City Feaft; 
 Of human ills owx fajiing deem the worft, 
 And boaft of eating turtle till you burft : 
 You think it death to lofe one fumptuous 
 
 treat ; 
 I glory in the haunch I do not eat : 
 Hence I enjoy a head* and confcience clear. 
 While you with gout aie tortur'd half the 
 
 year. 
 
 * O ! utinam ! 
 
 TO
 
 [ -^38 ] 
 
 MY THREE PERUKES. 
 
 A CONTRAST, 
 
 Alluding to Mr. A 's Malus, Perjar^ 
 
 Pe/fhnus.* 
 
 Bonus! ir.y long-tried friend, {lill faithful 
 found 
 
 Tho' ftorms and tempefls on iny aged head - 
 
 Have long their fury pour'd, you flill Hick 
 clofc. 
 
 Smile at fierce Boreas, and defy his rage. 
 
 Tho' time, and drizzhng rains, thy curls re- 
 lax, 
 
 * Non t->m ccflandi cnr'da^ quam pr^ptcr a mcrcm quod 
 Te in-.itari a\co, 1, ucse. 
 
 Bv
 
 A CONTRAST. 
 
 23^ 
 
 By crifping irons reviv'd, they fcorn to droop. 
 But raife their creft, and round my temples 
 
 fpread, 
 Give to my wrinkled front ihc pride of 
 youth. 
 Grieve not, my friend ! you, nor your bre- 
 thren twain, 
 Melior, and full-drefl Optimus ! (than whom 
 Nor Orchard's felf, nor gentle Snailom,+ e'er 
 Produced a fairer fpecimen of art :} 
 Grieve not, tho' robb'd of the fuperfluous aid 
 01 clogging meal, by Providence dcfigu'd 
 To feed the poor ; for culinary ufe. 
 For palle or puddings meet, with plumbs en- 
 
 rich'd, 
 Concomitant of fam'd roaftbeef ; whicli gives 
 The Britifii Soldier his fupcrior force, 
 To v.-age awhile unwelcome war, and teach 
 The fanf^uinarv Gaul (o fuc ior Peace. 
 
 i Two ingenious Attiils in Bath.
 
 240 A CONTRAST. 
 
 Mean-while the produce of the olive branch 
 Shall give thy native brown a gloffy hue, 
 To vie with Peflimus; tho' rais'd to fame, 
 And fung by A t y in iniraortal {trains. 
 
 THE
 
 C 24* ] 
 
 fHE 
 
 IMPATIENT LOVER. 
 
 A PARODY. 
 
 Addrrjfedto Mr. and Mrs. Gale,* ut Sydney 
 Gardens. 
 
 IMPROMrXU. 
 
 1 E gentle Gai.es ! that ftation'J here. 
 
 Prefuie o"cr Sydney Groves ; 
 Go, whifper in my Delia's car, 
 
 How much her Strephon loves. 
 
 Tell lier, the Swain her ahfence mourns i 
 
 The rolls unhuttcr'cl ftand ; 
 The coffee v/aits, till flie returns, 
 
 And waves her lilly hand. 
 
 hi 
 
 * Teriints of ciiofe beautiful Cardrns-
 
 24^ THE IMPATIENT LOVER. 
 
 In vain the minflrcl tunes his lyre, 
 The birds their carols fing ; 
 
 Her fmiles alone can joy infpirej 
 Her prefence make the fpring. 
 
 But (houlJ the nymph her flay prolong, 
 Her fwain can wait no longer ; 
 
 For tho' for her his pafTion's ftrong, 
 His appetite is ilronger. 
 
 If, then, Ihe ftill refolve to ftroll 
 
 With yonder giddy elves. 
 Our drooping fpirits we'll confole. 
 
 And breakfafl by ourfelves. 
 
 LIBERTY
 
 [ 243 ] 
 
 LIBERTY AND PROPERTY. 
 
 A NEW SONG. 
 
 To the Tunc of'' By Jove ! Til hefre^:' 
 
 INTt.VDEI) FOR A TARTICULAR CCX-ASION". 
 I. 
 
 Come all yc bold Britons, tho' Europe's in 
 
 arms, 
 Difniifs your vain fears, and your groundlcfs 
 
 alarms ; 
 No people on caiili arc fo happy as we; 
 And wlnle Georcre is our KIu't \v"e fiill n)uf^ 
 
 o o 
 
 Le free. 
 
 AVe fini n]uR be tree: 
 While Gc')i-^r is o.u- Kin(r u-e ftill intifl be 
 
 J I . Froir
 
 44 LIBERTY AND PROPERTY. 
 
 II. 
 
 From your King let no traytors your loyalty 
 Ileal; 
 
 Nor of grievances dream, which no mortal 
 
 can feel : 
 No nation on earth has fewer than we. 
 For while George is our King we are happy 
 
 and free. 
 
 We are happy and free, Scc^ 
 
 iir. 
 Sufpeft not your Monarch, without a juft 
 
 caufe. 
 He ne'er can do wrong, while he rules hy 
 
 the laws ; 
 And what nation on earth has fuch good laws 
 
 as we. 
 And beneath our good King, we're happy and 
 
 free. 
 
 We are happy and free, &c. 
 
 IV. Let
 
 ilBERTY ANO PROPERTY, S45 
 
 . ;. / . :: JYt r^ f':i. .:' i;^ ;',.:^A 
 
 Let Frenchmen by oaths,, nor by mtereffe 
 bound, ; 
 
 Infult their poor King^ and all orders con- 
 found ; ' ' . - .^ 
 
 But let us then beware, while t^elr madnefs 
 we fee, . -. - ; ' 
 
 And with George for our King be happy 
 and free. 
 
 Be happy and free, &c. 
 
 V. 
 
 In deience oi our laws let all parties unite, 
 And on Jacobinc Frenchmen exert all their 
 
 fpite ; 
 Who laugh in their fleeves, when our follies 
 
 they fee, 
 But in fpite of their plots, well be happy and 
 
 We'll be happy and free, &c. 
 
 R VI. Drink
 
 246 LIBERTY AND PROPERTY* 
 
 VI. 
 Drink an health to the King then, all good 
 
 men and true. 
 Who has naught but old England's true in- 
 
 tereft in view; 
 Let Frenchmen flill prate of their * Liberty 
 
 Tree;" 
 Whilil Britons alone are happy and free. 
 
 Are happy and free ; 
 Whilil Britons alone are happy and free. 
 
 IRE
 
 C 247 1 
 
 THE 
 
 TEMPLE OF THE MUSES; 
 
 OR, 
 
 FINSBURY.SdUARE. 
 
 E're Turks or Goths and barb'rous nations 
 
 round, 
 Had levell'd all her temples with the ground, 
 From Greece and fam'd Parnaffus' airy 
 
 hcifiht, 
 Tlie Mufes had long fince fecur'd their flight. 
 In Latium, then, and Rome's infpircd feat. 
 On Tibur's banks they found a fafe retreat ; 
 But foon diflurb'd by horrid wii's alarms ; 
 Tlieir mufic fiienc'd "midfl the din of arms; 
 R 2 They
 
 248 THE TEMPLE OT TttE MUSES. 
 
 They crofs'd the Alps, and were rcceiv'd in 
 France ; 
 
 But, fklird in fong they had not learri'd to 
 
 dance : 
 And, when in loyal flrains they tun'd their 
 
 notes. 
 They fear'd the Jacobins would cut their 
 
 throats. 
 Efcap'd from thence to Britain they repair. 
 Sure of a refuge and a welcome there : 
 For there, 'they heard, that in this favour'd 
 
 land, 
 Apollo dwell'd at London, in the Strand ;* 
 But tho' he Ihone in ornament and drefs. 
 And all admir'd the fplendor of the Prcfs ; 
 Like the rafh Phaeton, Apollo fell. 
 And prov'd deftruclive to his patron B-11. 
 
 * Where Mr. Bell eftabllfhed the Apollo Prefs, and print- 
 ed the Englifh Pcets in an elegant ftyle, and with beautiful ca- 
 giavings ; but giatified the public at his own expence. 
 
 Minerva
 
 THE TEMPLE OF THE MUSES. 249 
 
 Minerva too, they found, had hid her head,' 
 Par, in aftreet, that takes its name from Leaid; . 
 There fix'd his Prefs, efcap'd from Turkifh 
 
 hovels, J . . . 
 
 There lives in ftatej and charms us with his' 
 Novels.^ 
 But fee ! at length, a nobler Genius rife, 
 Who all the Mufes' wants at once fupplies ; 
 Where L-ck-ngt-n haS rear'd a iumptuous 
 
 dome. 
 In Finfb'ry-Square they've found a peaceful 
 
 Kome. 
 In L-ck-ngt-n 's incalculable nages, 
 Are h'"d their tr-^afuies from reinclell a^cs : 
 Law, Phyfic, a.:'' Divinity, all find 
 Each Science in the Mufes' Temple's joiu'd. 
 
 Let Alexandria now no longer boafl 
 Her Library, that gracd th' Lgyptian coall; 
 
 + Athens, facred to Minerva, now inhabited by Turks '.n 
 inifi:riblehr)vcls ; thy' h?r own temples are ftill perfed, 
 
 1^. Mr. L c, the generous patron of Novel Writers. 
 
 R 3 H.A
 
 25^'- THE TEMPLR OF THE MUSES. 
 
 Had Caefar,* or the Vandals, learn' d to fpare, 
 Her fame had been eclips'd in Finfb'ry- 
 
 Square. '- - ' : > .< ^ . . 
 
 'But^ can he dare to emulate the Vatican : 
 So late the pride of modern Rome ? Aye, 
 
 that he can. 
 Oxford and Cambridge muft refign the bays, 
 And found fam'd L-ck-ngt-n, thy well-earn'd 
 
 praife. 
 
 Julius Caefar accidenta>ly fet fire to the Alexandrian Li- 
 brary, containing 4000 Volumes. 
 
 PART
 
 PART IV. 
 
 QuisQuiri^. 
 MISCELLANEOUS.
 
 .'l
 
 [ 253 ]. 
 
 TRUE POLITENESS. 
 
 TO LADY M***H*D. 
 
 While thus with beauty, rank, and affluence 
 
 bleft. 
 And ev'ry charm, that in the female breaft. 
 Might lofty thoughts and vanity excite. 
 In lovely M h d happily unite ; 
 With native goodnefs, innocence and eafe ; 
 Her fole ambition feems to be to plcajt. 
 Hence, to each humble gueft lier care extends 
 With true politenejs, treating them as iriends. 
 And, while unconlcious oi fit pen or claims; 
 At no Juprrior deference fhe aims ; 
 But, modcft, meek, and gentle as the dove,, 
 With our profound efieern fiie gains our love. 
 
 TO
 
 [ 2-54 3 
 
 TO 
 
 A DISCONSOLATE VIRGIN. 
 
 Why fighs my Anna ? why that air, 
 
 Expreffive of her deep defpair ? 
 
 Ddes fhe lament fome much-lov'd friend^ 
 
 Or, are herconquelts at an end ? 
 
 Does fome un-meaning, flutt'ring beau, 
 
 To virtuous love and worth a foe. 
 
 Transfer his flatteries from you. 
 
 And feme more bh)omin,2; nymph purfue* 
 
 What, tho' the freainefs of ihe rofe, 
 In Anna's cheeks no longer glows ; 
 Youth's early tint appears lefs briglit ; 
 And e'en an hair or two looks w!iitc ; 
 Tho' in her eyes no more is fecn 
 Tlie fparkling luflre of fifteen; 
 
 Vet.
 
 TO A DISCONSOLATE VIRGIN. 2^5 
 
 Yet, in thofe eyes difplay'd, we find 
 The milder radiance of the rnind. 
 Serene, yet cheerful, all appears, 
 As more befits maturer years : 
 Good-nature, kindnefs, and good fenfe. 
 With giggling pertnefs may difpenfe ; 
 For wit to wifdom fhould give place. 
 And prudence with our years keep pace ; 
 Fops by coquetry may be won, 
 But wife men value fenfe alone. 
 
 When fuch fubftautial charms are thine, 
 Wliy fliould my Anna then repine; 
 She'll yet, I trufl, become a wife. 
 And tafte the genuine fweets of life ; 
 Or, if to fo much merit blind, 
 A partner fit, for life, to find 
 Her wifh fliould unfuccefsful prove, 
 Friendfiiip fliall fill the place of love. 
 
 TO
 
 [ ^^6 ] 
 
 TO 
 
 A FINE WOMAN 
 
 WITH 
 
 A MUSICAL VOICE', 
 (who was generally veiled.) 
 
 vVhen Cell?, confcious of her charms, 
 Each feature of its power difarms, 
 And kindly veils thofe brilliant eyes, 
 Where lovehimfelf infidious lies; 
 W^e think ourfelves from danger iree, 
 And all thofe other beauties fee. 
 Which Celia's cliarming perfon grace. 
 Secure, when fhe conceals her face. 
 
 But ah ! ye thoughtlcfs nvain;, ! bewaie. 
 Nor rafnly thus approach the fau" ! 
 
 Tor
 
 ON A FINE WOMAN, &C. 2^7 
 
 For when fhe fpeaks, her voice, you1l 
 
 prove, 
 Can fire the coldeft heart with love : 
 I feel its force, and burn with more 
 Than youthful ardor at thrce-frore. 
 
 Xo
 
 [ 2^8 ] 
 
 '-'' to 
 
 MISS CHARLOTTE , 
 
 i 
 
 fOn a P r op of al for fending her to Bengal.) 
 
 Xo India then, paci.'d up for fale, 
 Muft Charlotte, like a common bale 
 Of goods be fent ? Forbid it, heaven ! 
 Was it for this that form was given ? 
 Thofe blooming cheeks, thofe trelTcs fair ; 
 That fvveetly blufhing, modeft air ? 
 Thofe native charms, by art improv'd, 
 Which no one ever faw, but lov'd ! 
 Shall all thofe little loves and graces, 
 Be facrific'd to the embraces 
 Ol fome proud tyrant ; whofe vile pelf, 
 T-j purchafe lux'ries for himfelf. 
 From harmlcis Gentoos was extorted ? 
 Shall fuch fierce plunderers then be courted 
 
 Bv
 
 TO MISS CHARLOTTE . 259 
 
 By youth and beauty ? Whofe foft breaft 
 With anguifh bleeds for the diflreft ; 
 Who ne'er could read, but tears would flow, 
 Imaginary tales of woe ? 
 
 No ; let th' Oriental lover, 
 Some gallantry at leaft difcover : 
 Let hira to Britains coafl repair, 
 And pay due homage to the fair. 
 With fuppliant vows our nymph addrefs. 
 And woman's fov'reignty coniefs! 
 Let Nabohs or let Sultans come, 
 Ercft, wiih princely flate, the dome 
 With fplendid robes and gems adorn 
 The maid whofe charms outfliine the morn: 
 They'd then difplay an honefl pride, 
 And Charlotte be an envied bride. 
 
 T')
 
 L 26o ] 
 
 TO 
 
 THE HON. MRS. HILL. 
 
 To grace our ifle, from fair lerne's fiiore. 
 Proud of its charge, th' exulting vefTel bore 
 Tlie fair Miranda ; who, where nymphs are 
 
 fecn 
 In brilliant cluftcrs, fhincs " th' apparent 
 
 queen."* 
 Nor could, of old, the Cretan iHe e'er boall 
 A richer cargo from the'Tyrian coaft ; 
 Tho' Jove himfelf, enamour'd of the maid. 
 The chafte Europa thence by ftcalth convey 'd. 
 
 * Milton's l\ L. b. iv. 
 
 Tho'
 
 TO THE HON. MRS. H-LL. zSl 
 
 Tho' in full bloom, at gentle Love's com- 
 mand, 
 
 To one blell youtli Miranda gave her hand. 
 
 Who now with right exclafive cUims lier 
 heart, 
 
 Yet hopes, to gazing crowds, her fmiles im- 
 part. 
 
 That love which empty pride can ne'er pro- 
 cure. 
 
 Her unafTuming merit muft fecure. 
 
 Poffefs'd of all that inakes weak woman vain. 
 
 She's humble as the nymph that roves the 
 plain ; 
 
 Unconfcious of her pow'r, fhe charms all 
 eyes ; 
 
 But the ralh youth who dares approach her, 
 dies. 
 
 Bow then with awe to Virtue's ftcrn decree; 
 
 Admire, nay love; but, ah! defpair, like me. 
 This humble verfe, fair maid, with Jhuies 
 receive, 
 
 Tis all I afk ; 'tis all that. you can give. 
 
 S TO
 
 [ 262 ] 
 
 TO MISS . 
 
 The mojl delicate of her Sex ; but /educed by 
 Fajliion. 
 
 I NEVER was a {launch philofopher. 
 Nor could my paflions ever glofs over : 
 Yet, at Difcretion's ftern command, 
 A ftrong temptation can withlland : 
 I can refill the blufhing peach, 
 Tho' melting ripe, and in my reach : 
 The cherry's pulp and ruddy hue, 
 Without emotion I can view ; 
 The fwelling clufters of the vine, 
 Tho' with reluftance, can refign. 
 
 Yet, ah ! I'm neither flone nor wood, 
 But feel myfelf frail flefh and blood : 
 Veil then that lovely neck, fair Maid ! 
 Too lovely, to be thus difplay'd ! 
 
 That
 
 TO MISS -~ y . J263 
 
 That bed of lilies, ting'd with rofes ! 
 .Where Love himfelf in ilatc repofes : 
 Be it from vulgar eyes withdrawn, 
 Conceal'd in triple folds of lawn! 
 A fightj referv'd.forjiim alone, . :]-, 
 Who foon fhall claim thee for his own * 
 Eager to rifle all thofe charms, 
 Secur'd by Hyxa^^ WM^> arflis. ,,,,,,,.! 
 
 
 S 2 T<U
 
 :dii 
 
 [264 ] 
 
 .fyif:>iljdiitiQ.:yr) lU^Au 1 inoir .1; '..' 
 
 MISS su^A:^te'Kf:k^L:Iil2^f 
 
 Due to thy merits,' lovel^ Miid!' ''' ' '--''' 
 Let confcious pride thy talents aid ; 
 Nor blufh to fee thyfeli carefs'd. 
 While warbling from thy fnowy breaft. 
 Sweet Melody, who there refidcs, 
 Each melting note, each accent guides. 
 
 Mufick's congenial to thy name, 
 Thy long, hereditary claim ; 
 Whofe ancellors onr annals grace. 
 All patrons of the tuneful race ; 
 Skilful themfelvcs to wake the lyre. 
 And make the lift'ning throng admire: 
 Yet all their tuneful pow'rs we fee 
 United, lovely Maid ! in thee. 
 
 ONf
 
 'Mi"' <-t .,-.;;: i'oy " -LlfM .;' .i;.'"V" 
 ..; ,0N A LATE DECREE FOR , r, 
 
 THE liXCLUSION OF ARTITS. 
 
 THE ROOMS AT BATH. 
 
 Ye lucklers wiglus ! that grace the ivlufes' 
 
 train, 
 Admir'd, applauded but, alas ! \n vain : 
 UurivaUd adepts in the finev arts ! 
 Coheeal your talents, nor dilplay your parts ! 
 In Mu/uk, or in Speahng, fiiould you fiiine ; 
 Excel in Mark's or in Siddons" line ; 
 Come not to Bath you'll find yourloives 
 
 degr.idcd, 
 As it in inoj)s or in^Uchcs you had tradcth 
 
 s 3 An
 
 266 ON A LATE DECREE, &C. 
 
 An liaberdaflier llruts befide a Peer, 
 
 While you are told " you have no bufmefs 
 
 here." 
 JIandel, indeed, and Garrick, erft intruded. 
 But now, alas ! they'd find themfelves ex- 
 cluded. 
 A fong in private you're allow 'd to fihg 
 To charm the public is a fervlle thing. 
 Then let not thofe, by whom your perfon's 
 
 flighted, 
 By your celeilial (trains be e'er delighted. 
 
 i()
 
 [ 267 3 
 
 TO DR. H-R-NGT-N, 
 
 On his Glee, " Rex, Lex, et Pontifex.^^ 
 
 Priest of the Mufes ! lo, the facred Nine 
 To you the LAWS of Harmony confign ; 
 Thofe Laws you execute with fkilful hand 
 The KING, the fov'reign of the tuneful 
 
 band ; 
 Infpir'd by them, your magick pow'r con- 
 
 troul 
 Each rude, each tender pafTion of the foul ; 
 Or love, or hope, or pity you excite; 
 Subdue the fierce, or make the coward fight ; 
 
 * Mufarum Saccrdos, Hor^ 
 
 The
 
 268 TO DR. H-R-NGT-N. 
 
 The tedious hours of folitude beguile, 
 Wake focial mirth, and bid the wretched 
 
 fmile. 
 Your prciife let then each lovely minflrel 
 
 Revere tlieir Priefl, their Laws, and ipuch- 
 lov'd Kinff. 
 
 o 
 
 IXSCRIP-
 
 ,- . [ 269 ] ^n ovv 
 
 INSCRIPTION ^'' ' 
 
 ON THE 
 
 fi?/Z Oi^ THE PUMP-ROOM AT 
 BATH. , " 
 
 'a PISTON MEN "TAfiP.* 
 
 " ^^ ATER isbej}\' thus fung the bard of old; 
 That " Wine is bejl," by modern bards we're 
 
 told: 
 for fure no mortal, layman or divine, 
 Would e'er drink water when he could have 
 
 wine. 
 But, if excefs your health have once im- 
 
 pair'd, 
 The Bard thouglit Wine perhaps might well 
 
 be {par"d, 
 
 * The nrft line of Pindp.r, who is f^ppofed to aHude to the 
 opinion of Th-ics, wlio held that Vv'ater was the firft prin- 
 ciple cf all thirjs. 
 
 And
 
 ajO THE VU-M^ R0OM. 
 
 And " Water then is beft ;" yet if youVe 
 
 wife, -. y-]^^ ")','/ J 
 You'll diink no water but what Bath fupplics. 
 Thefe healing draughts will mitigate your 
 
 pain. 
 And Water make you relifh Wine again; 
 Of fober Reafon bring them to the tell ; 
 You'll own at leait Our Water is the beji. 
 
 ON
 
 i'.ri j: 
 
 I ^7 1 
 
 ON 
 
 CROMWELL'S PICTURE. ''J 
 
 Sent at her Ri^qurjl, to Chnjlina Queen of 
 Sweden. 
 
 Bellipolens Virgo! Septem Regina trio- 
 nura, 
 
 Cliriftina ! Arctoi lucida ftella poll ! 
 Cernis quas meiiirdura fub Caflide rugas : 
 
 UK| fcnex armis impiger ora gcro. 
 Invia fatorum dum per vefligia nitor ; 
 
 Exequor et populi tortia jufi'a nnnu ; 
 All tibi fubmittit iVonte:n revercntior U;n- 
 
 bra: 
 Ncc flint hi vultus Rcgibus ufq truccn 
 
 * Snppr,fed to b; written Ity Jviiiton, Cromw^irs L.-t'n 
 f'crelary, though prinrcd in Andrew Marvel's pjlliiurnijus 
 v.orks. 
 
 N. D. Li.\- 'jf ; Rex lor a Kirj or Qneen, jnd^iciin.i- 
 
 n.acly. 
 
 ATI :'.M?TD
 
 272 ON CROMWELLSPICTURE. 
 
 ATTEMPTED IN ENGLISH. 
 
 Queen of ,the. North ! whofe foul, though 
 
 form'd for war. 
 By A\rit rcfin'd, outfliines tlie polar ftar; 
 Behold a face, grown wrin' ' -;; shus with age; 
 Beneath the helmet's weight and battle's rage. 
 Undaunted whilfl I brave the florins of fate ; 
 The People's injur'd rights to vindicate : 
 To you an humbler front this portrait brings, 
 Nor do thefe features always frown on kuigSt 
 
 THE
 
 [ 2ys'^-i'.?.zui 
 
 THE N ." 
 
 SPIRITED FAIR ONE. 
 
 ;. , i ;.!' A SONG. 
 I.' 
 
 Oil ! let me feek the dark recefs 
 Of fome fequefterd g';ove ; 
 
 There ruminate on my dillrefs, 
 My ill-requited love. 
 
 How could I hope he'd conftant be. 
 Or truft the tale he told ? 
 
 Who, while he fondlv gaz'd on me. 
 Yet figli'd for naught but gold. 
 
 . 'i* 
 
 III. Son"
 
 274 THE SPIRITEn FAIR ONE. 
 
 III. 
 Some richer maid he has in view, 
 
 Or nymph of high degree ; 
 But never will he find fo true. 
 
 So fond a nymph as me. \"I/I1^' 
 
 IV. 
 
 With rapture oft' he prais'd my fongs, 
 And call'd me " charming maid ;" 
 
 I liften'd to his flatt'rin^ tongue 
 I lov'd and was betray'd. 
 
 V. 
 
 But ah ! by fad experience taught, 
 
 My pafTion I'll controul ; 
 Nor ever more, will wafle a thought, 
 
 On Damon's fordid foul. 
 
 A SONG.
 
 [275 ] 
 
 A SONG. 
 
 {. 
 
 Ah ! tell me not of battle's won. 
 
 Or trophies of the field : 
 What joy to me, while Strephon's gone, 
 
 Can fliouts of triumph yield ? 
 
 ir. 
 
 Ah ! talk not of the gailant deeds. 
 
 Of Britons on the fea ; 
 \Vhen now perhaps my lover bleeds ; 
 
 For ever loft to me ! 
 
 HI. 
 
 I tremble at thcfe fccnes of woe ; 
 
 Tl)o' Vifiories refou.'id ; 
 Wlicn cv'ry flidit death's engines throw, 
 
 My Strephon's brcaft may wound. 
 
 IV. Oh!
 
 ^j6 A SONC. 
 
 IV. 
 
 Oh ! let me hear my Hero's voice. 
 Secure from war's alarms ; 
 
 Then for our triumphs I'll rejoice, 
 When fafe in Strephon's arms. 
 
 m 
 
 J: 
 
 THE
 
 [ ^77 1 
 
 THE AVIARY ; 
 
 OR, 
 
 THE MERRY CAPTIVES. 
 
 TO MRS. P NE. 
 
 1 HE Rights of Jvlan,'"' tho' Women now 
 
 demand, 
 And Libtrty\ re-echo'd thro' the land ; 
 Tho' flight rcllraints are defpotiini eftecm'd. 
 And fdvages akme arc fages dcem'd ; 
 Yet (urcly, to fuhmit to etiual laws, 
 Can hardly injure facred tVeedom's caufe: 
 Nay, t!;o(e alone true happincfs can find, 
 Who to wife laws their freedom iiave rO- 
 
 fign'd. 
 
 T Thu'
 
 278 THE AVIARY : OR> 
 
 Tho' nature o'er this fertile valley reigns, 
 And birds on ev'ry fpray pour forth their 
 
 flrains ; 
 Inclos'd in this reticulated cell, 
 A joyous choir of feather 'd fongfters dwell. 
 The wood-lark, linnet, nightingale and thrufh. 
 Who wont, at large, to chaunt on ev'ry bulh ; 
 Yet here, to narrower limits tho' confin'd, 
 (With luxuries fupply'd of ev'ry kind,) 
 Within the bounds prefcrib'd, they freely 
 
 rove. 
 And tune their throats as in their native 
 
 grove. 
 Here birds of rank their converfation fliarc. 
 Nor dread the cat's rude grafp, or fowler's 
 
 fnarc : 
 In focial joys they pafs their blifstul hours. 
 Yet all have fcparate cells or fecret bow'rs : 
 There weave their molly noils and boldly 
 
 there 
 From fchool-boys fafc, their callow olTspring 
 
 rear : 
 
 Here
 
 THE MERRY CAPTIVES. 279 
 
 Here mimic ftreams from porcelain vafes 
 flow ; 
 While, round the lattice, pinks and rofcs 
 
 blow : 
 Thus duly fed, without their toil, they live, 
 Secure of all the bleflings life can give. 
 
 Protefted thus, a tax indeed they pay. 
 But tis an eafy tax, you'll furely fay. 
 If tax we needs muft call, a trifling fong. 
 Which they difchargc, with pleafure, all day- 
 long ; 
 At night, fweet Philomel, here fafe from 
 
 ftorms. 
 With thrilling notes the pleafing tafk per- 
 forms, 
 With gratitude, each docs the bcfl he can 
 To entertain his bounteous fov'rcign, Man, 
 Thus, in their injidatcd ftate content, 
 No want oi Llicrty thefe birds lament. 
 
 Yet, with fcigu"d pity ior their fad condi- 
 tion, 
 ^By hunger prompted, or by fell ambition,) 
 T 2 Perch 'd
 
 280 THE AVIARY ; OA, 
 
 Perch'd on an oak, a patriotic kite, 
 
 Bids tliem their feveral flender powers unite ; 
 
 " Rife in a mafs," their energies employ. 
 
 Their flavifh fetters, inftantly deftroy ; 
 
 AfTcrt their native rights ; and (hould refin- 
 ance 
 
 Be found too ftrong, he promifes affiftance. 
 
 With claws and beak to burft their flimfy 
 cords, 
 
 And vengeance wreak on their tyrannic lords. 
 " What ! fliall the groveling reptile man, 
 tliey dare 
 
 " Enflavc the wing'd inhabitants of air ? 
 
 " Refufe the common-wealth of birds tlieir 
 due? 
 
 " Angels are drawn with wings to look like 
 you." 
 
 The eagle, veiled with a conful's power, 
 
 Th' indignity furvcvs trom yonder tov/er : 
 
 " Roufe ! then, my fcllow-citizcns, I fa\' ; 
 
 *' Allert your natural rights and tour away!" 
 
 But
 
 THE MERRY CAPTIVES. 281 
 
 But now the kite an injur'd farmer faw ; 
 Whofe poultry oft' had cramm'd his rav% 
 nous maw, 
 Levell'd his gun and took 4iis aim fo well ; 
 Dead at his feet the vaunting hero fell. 
 
 T 3 FE\'IALE
 
 [ 282 ] 
 
 FEMALE ATTRACTIONS. 
 
 When Faflaion thus o'er genuine Tafte pre- 
 vails, 
 And Beauty in her ftrongeft fort affails ; 
 When tempted by an injudicious pride 
 To lay the foftnefs oi their fex afide, 
 
 If S r, clad in mafculine attire, 
 
 Could frozen age with tender thoughts In- 
 
 fpire ; 
 Who, without tranfport, can behold that face. 
 When Jemaliz' d by gauze and BrulTcls lace : 
 Adorn'd with all which the Cofmetic art. 
 Has e'er devis'd to captivate the heart ; 
 Her charms thus deck'd mull flill more bril- 
 liant fliine ; 
 Before a mortal Ihc is now divine ! 
 
 Stoics
 
 FEMALE ATTRACXrONS. 283 
 
 Stoics themfelves, whofe hearts are cas'd with 
 
 llecl, 
 'Spite of their fyflem muft foft pajjion feel : 
 Converts to truth, with pleafure muft confefs, 
 Virtue's moft lovely in a female drefs. 
 
 TII
 
 [ 284 ] 
 
 SENSITIVE PLANT. 
 
 TO MISS FANNY E- 
 
 WiiiLE crowds of flaunting flutterir.g lafTcs, 
 Scciuc'd by flattering looking-glafTcs, 
 To fport a fancied liandiome face, 
 Obtrufivc h^itint each pubhck place; 
 Here pratijfe tiicir c quetJili arts, 
 Secure ot Nv-irjiii^.g wofliiler.s.bicaris ; 
 And, of their traniient concpieits proud, 
 Are lollow'd by a thoiighJefs cro\vd : 
 1 he lovely Fauuv' not lefs iai!',, 
 Siniiiks trom tlie coxcomb's Aiucy^ flare ; 
 'J iiUS ficni iwc i....:ch i: no vn t\\c caiilc) 
 
 -! h hali-a!i;!natcd piani wiMulrasS'S 
 
 I'll.
 
 THE SENSITIVE PLANT. 2^^ 
 
 Unconfcioiis oi htr po^ver to pleafe, 
 She Linconcern'd their tiiumph ftcs : 
 Yet thus retiring fr(5m their view, 
 AttraSs the more nifccrriing tew; 
 Who, thro' lliis meek and humble fpirit, 
 Difeover iicr fuperior merit ; 
 Char'n'd with her blunies, nor content 
 With vain, unnicaning comphmejit. 
 Conceive a durable regard ; 
 Of modcH worth ti^e jiill reward ] 
 
 Thus Fanm' rconnng ch;ld;i}i a:rs. 
 Securer, a lover ima's\'<,res : 
 W:i!e cac'i defigning, forward dame, 
 InfaHfuly defeats her aim; 
 For, wl;o"d be anxious to obtain, 
 Wliat every fop taat will, una- g^Aix! ? 
 
 T:.'E
 
 [ 286 ] 
 
 DINE WITH THE DOCTOR * 
 
 To F hf d ofi', in friendly fort invited, 
 I thought fuch kindnefs was not to be 
 
 ^7 g hied; 
 I went at length, in one-horfe zvhijkyi tofs'd. 
 And found, alas ! what pleafure I. had loft. 
 Without ! the fccne m.uft charm each man of 
 
 tafle ; 
 Within ! the greatell epicure might feaft. 
 
 Yet one's but an i7naginay\ good ; 
 The other, wholcfome, plain, fubftantial 
 
 food ; 
 
 '* Sr>mnu9 pom'ndianas In feila CuMtaI2 
 
 + VeliicuII genus. 
 
 ^ The thanTiing prcfpcd- 
 
 To
 
 DINE WITir THE DOCTOT. sSj 
 
 The one's whip-fiilybub, or currant jelly ; 
 The other, ham and fouls, will fill yonr 
 
 belly. 
 On one alone to feed, you would be loth; 
 pine with the Doftor then, you'll have them 
 
 both. 
 
 W^DC-MB.
 
 [ 288 3 
 
 W-DC-MB-HOUSE. 
 
 TO MRS. H-DG-S. 
 
 Vv HAT fecret charm, my friend, j)crvadcs. 
 And gilds your W dc b's peaceful fhades ; 
 Why docs my heart with joy expand. 
 When you prefcnt your friendly hand ? 
 
 Is it the garden's vernal pride, 
 Where rofes bloom on cverv fide ? 
 Is It the munc ot tlie birds ; 
 Or on your hiwn t!ie grazing herds ? 
 Where, gurning "juidfi the laurels green, 
 ThiC Najirds animate the fcenc : 
 The golhic turrcf^ v.-aviuf woods, 
 ReEected tioni the chryual Hoods ^ 
 
 'iiiC
 
 w be M5-irousE. 285 
 
 The abbey, view'd where'er we rove. 
 In fvv'cct pcrfpeftive thro' the grove: 
 Or pcnfive on the ruftic feat, 
 Beneath von group of ehns, retreat. 
 
 Whv then with' you arc we fo blell ? 
 Afk your own hofpitable breal}. 
 The C(jrdial welcome, grac'd with fmiles. 
 Our raptur'd Fancy h:re beguiles; 
 \Vi,ile eafe and harmon^," unite 
 }'.:\rh Hnxions thougiLV is put to fiigiit ; 
 We feci beneath your fricii.ily dome, 
 Alore b.apj-y ii.iwi \vc are '\i home. 
 And this, I truli, v:/U will conlcnt, 
 Fi'oni /A:c'"st no vul v^r com 'unicnt. 
 
 * In \v!i>]s ftc ;xc2;s. 
 
 A RE
 
 [ 290 ] 
 
 A REMARKABLE PHyENOMENON. 
 
 n feeing the Duchefs of D ' e's Chit- 
 
 dren, on Claverton Down^ 1788. 
 
 IMPROMPTU. 
 
 Is it then trucj that I have fccn 
 
 Thcfe Miniatures of Bc^iutv's Queen? 
 
 Thefe fillers of tlie God of Love ? 
 
 Or rather cherubs from above ? 
 
 The offspring of a beauteous mother ; 
 
 And only equalTd by each other. 
 
 I ! that have feen their Lord^ and Graces ; 
 
 Their grand-hre, and their grajid-dame's 
 
 faces ; 
 I, that liave din'd, (prav no offence fir,) 
 \y\i\i the lair Dowager, Lady Spencer ; 
 
 E'er
 
 A REMARKABLE PH-'ENOMENON". 2gt 
 
 E'er yet Ihe had learu'd to roil her eyes,* 
 And made her worthy Lord her prize. 
 Have fcen their graud-fire at my houfe,f 
 Where ilill I dwell, a country-moufe : 
 Nay, who have din'd, and fmok'd a pipe; 
 Eat pines and peaclies melting ripe. 
 With their great grandfatlier at Chatfworth:* 
 A place worth more than my bcil hat's worth, 
 Tho' fill'd with cafli of pureil gold ; 
 Ten thoufa)id guineas ten-times told. 
 A fig then for )'oar Pytian Sage,^ 
 Who only liv'd to the ihud age ; 
 When 1 already have fcen four, 
 And ma^', plcafe lieav'n, fee yet one more; 
 X^hen time ihefc infant beauties arms, 
 With fomcthing li];c their mother's charms; 
 
 * Tcforc fii3 \v.:= in her teens, 1746. 
 
 i from Prior F.irlc. 
 
 1 On a puLiivk d;iy, 1743, ^'^ "^Y fcrupling to take 1 
 pipe, Lis Gr.;cc obfLiVc<1, They were eooci times, wlien tiii 
 Ckrgy nii;kcJ tul;AC-. 
 
 ^ Ntlt^r.
 
 292 A REMARKABLE PH.EXOMENON'. 
 
 To form anotlicr generation * 
 T'kj" lunger lite his fmall temptation, 
 Vv'aen age but languidly cnj;;ys 
 T!:e iairefl; ot life's giWed toys : 
 And when can 1 lee better days ? 
 IM<..re charms than C-v-ndiih difplays ? 
 But, to \vhatc\er heav'n tliinks nt, 
 "Tis mail's, uith patience, to fubmit : 
 And m^ay each day, while lite fhall Lfl, 
 Correct the tollies ot the pail I 
 
 * Tills is now Come to pafs, iSci. 
 
 MAR-
 
 { SS3 3 
 
 MARTIAL, Ep. 74. B. x. 
 
 IMITATED. 
 
 " Jam parce, Roma, gratualatori 
 " LaiTo, &c. 
 
 Spare me! my "lord, I beg you will ; 
 Of Levees I have had my fill : 
 Too old ; I've nothing now to afk ; 
 Pray fpare me then the painful tafk 
 Of waiting 'midft your lac'(sl attendants, 
 And crowds of xavcnous dependants,* 
 Who, anxiotvst-o obey yo.ur call, 
 Svdnd JJiiven fig in your marble hall, 
 For, 'fpite-of your fupcrb brazier, 
 'Tis plaguy cold this time of th' year.t 
 
 AnTt .imbu'iones & togatulos. 
 
 f Centum pluir.bcos. Sort of kadtn Tlcli^tj. 
 
 y Yet
 
 294 MARTIAL IMITATED. 
 
 Yet after all, might I, Sir, mention 
 What I have gain'd by my attention : 
 I've toil'd for kad^'*' like Cornifh miners, 
 While Aftley hoards his facks of fhiners. 
 
 My trifling works want no reward. 
 Nor do they merit your regard. 
 I wifli not to procure monopolies 
 Of Livings near our grand Metropolis : 
 Tho' promifes are not realities ^ 
 I want no Praebends or Pluralities ; 
 Nor to look down, with proud delight, 
 From royal Windfor's envied height. 
 " What then, good fir, is your requelt?"t 
 To Jleepy my lord, and be at reft. 
 
 * Ferventis Aur! fuccos. 
 
 ^ Quid concupifcaai, qusrisergo: Dormlrt. 
 
 PAS.
 
 L 295 3 
 
 PASTORAL ADVICE 
 
 OP 
 
 A COUNTRY DIVINE, 
 
 TO THE 
 
 GRANDEES OF HIS FLOCK. 
 
 S ermoni proplora. H or. 
 
 While cold rcferve, or fhy, unfriendly 
 
 mien, 
 Amidft the neareft neighbours here is feen ; 
 Where equal worth and wealth and fenfe a- 
 
 bound, 
 Why is not peace among thefe bleffings 
 
 found ? 
 Or why to me, a puny wight ! alone, 
 Is this unmerited attention fhown ? 
 
 u 2 Whc.
 
 p6 PASTORAL ADVICE.' 
 
 Whether to P g t's laureate fliades 1 go, 
 
 Who ftill prefer domeftic blifs to (how ; 
 
 Or thro' primaeval oaks, whofe branches 
 meet, 
 
 i'ra led to Kn-b-l's hofpltable feat ; 
 
 Or pleas'd, to J-41-iF's fumptuous dome af- 
 cend^ 
 
 In each i'^m treated as a welcome friend ; 
 
 In each, 'midft wealth and fplendor, void of 
 pride-, 
 
 Good-will and hofpitali^:y refid6. 
 
 Why then fliould truitlefs enmity remain ? 
 
 Where each Kvottld laugh his injuries to ex- 
 plain. 
 "Oh ! had I powers ! w'ith what Cncerc dc- 
 
 Would 1 each worthy family unite ! 
 
 Teach them what p'eafure the molt frugal 
 
 board 
 jMull, tvhcn with mutual kindnefs deck'd, 
 
 affl'rd ! 
 
 But,
 
 PASTORAt ADVICE. 29^ 
 
 But, ah! while " trijlet light as airj' pro- 
 long 
 Each vague fufpitt'jn and each fancied wrong -^ 
 Time lleals away and foon approaching age^ 
 And gloomy cares will, every tlwught engage ^ 
 Nay, Death, perhaps unfeen, e'en now, aJasf 
 Lurks in the favory diflj. or focial- glai^ 
 Seek then, my friends, each hoftile thought 
 fuppreft, 
 That heartfelt blifs^ within your peaceful 
 
 breaft, 
 Which, while in fruitlefs enmity yoj-i live. 
 Nor fplendid domes nor wealth nor hciilth; 
 
 can give : 
 Be peace reftor'd then, difcord at an end ; 
 Be each to. each, and to himjtlfd. ftiend., 
 
 U 3 lira;
 
 V C 298 3 
 
 aL;lNNQCENCJE. QF INFANCY.* . 
 
 ,r. ;,,7,iPf.fuch is the kbgdom of heaven." 
 
 By ancient Bards, thro' ages pafl foretold, 
 Their Great Mefhaii now the Jews behold ; 
 From Jordan's ftreams, the Saviour of man- 
 kind, 
 Went upt to heal the dumb, the deaf, the 
 
 . blind : , ' ' 
 
 Amaz'd, they faw, at his all-powerful word. 
 The iick to health, the dead to life reflor'd. 
 
 * Though the fr''ovvin? "n s were -.ritten 'or a particular 
 purpofe, the Aut! or hopes, that if he has any Readers, they 
 may not be difplejfcd witri t e fubjeil. 
 
 i After he nad been baptifcd there by John. 
 
 Th'
 
 THE^ INNOCENCE OF INFANCY- 29^ 
 
 Th' Unbiafs'd multitude with rapture own. 
 Such miracles could come from God alone; 
 For never works like thefe were feen before : 
 And now, his healing virtue to implore, 
 The regions round his power divine confefs. 
 And bring their children to his arms to blefs. 
 
 But lo! with jealous eyes his followers 
 view. 
 And from his prefence thruft the fuppliant 
 
 crew : 
 As th' unfee'd fcrvants, who attend the great. 
 With haughtinefs their humble fuitors treat. 
 Por, yet unlightcn'd, they with projects vain, 
 In worldly fplendor hop'd with him to reign. 
 
 But with divine benignity, our Lord 
 Their infolcnce and felfifh views abhorr'd ; 
 *' Was much difpleas'd," and iffued his com- 
 mands. 
 To bring the meaneil infants to his hands ; 
 " To J uch (He fald) the privilege is given, 
 *' To form the blcfi; focicty of heaven." 
 
 And
 
 300 THE IKNOCEKCE OF INFANCY. 
 
 And none huijuch in Innocence and love, 
 Shall join the angels in the realms above. 
 The' " wife as ferpents," it will naught 
 
 avail, 
 If in the " harmleiTnefs of doves" you fill. 
 Eternal blifs, ye wife and learned know ! 
 On babe-like fouls alone will GoD beftpw 
 
 Sfaik XV. 13I 
 
 IN-
 
 E 3 1 
 
 IN MEMORY OF 
 
 WILLIAM L-NG, ESQ. 
 OF STRETTON, SOMERSETSHIRE. 
 
 By zvkoj'c death at Fourtten, the Family, in 
 the Male Line became extinci. 
 
 His dawning years with native talents blell. 
 To raife fweet tranfports in his parent's 
 
 bread ; 
 The pohfli'd youth they faw, with raptur'd 
 
 eyes. 
 Like this fair emblematic column* rife; 
 
 * T'lc device on die tomb, i marble coiiimn, broken off 
 m the middlci 
 
 Adorn'd
 
 302 IK MEMORY OF \VM. L-N'C, ESQ. 
 
 Adorn'd with every virtue that might grace. 
 And well fupport the honours of his race. 
 But ah! how foon the flattering vifioa's 
 
 flown. 
 E'er yet to jnanhood's height the youth was 
 
 grown. 
 While iio\v the pleafing profpcft they en- 
 
 joy'd. 
 By Death's fell ftroke the fabric v/as de- 
 
 llroy'd. 
 Thus cropp'd, this Lilly withcr'd in its 
 
 hloom ; 
 Their name, their hopes, extiuguifh'd in tite 
 
 Tonib. 
 
 A MONL-
 
 [ 3^3 ] 
 
 A MONUMENTAL INSCRIPTION, 
 
 Intended for a refpeHablc Family in the 
 Vimiity of Brijlol. 
 
 Unknown to fame, an happier lot they 
 
 knew ; 
 Belov'd and reverenc'd by the vntuous few ; 
 Domeftic bllfs their wifli's utmoft bound, 
 Where all the gcnuuie fvvccts of liie are 
 
 found : 
 Amidft their offspring, blefl with mutual lovCj 
 They liv'd in hopes of perfeft blifs above : 
 There all the good and pious fouls fliall meet, 
 Their forro'vs ended, and their joys tompletc. 
 You ! who thefe lir.es perure with critic eve, 
 y>\ their's coxxt^your lives and learn to die. 
 
 RESIG.
 
 t ^H 1 
 
 RESIGN.\TION,, 
 
 Now, deck'd in all the pride of May;, 
 Behold the vernal hours advance ! 
 
 While hand in hand, in circles gay,. 
 The fmiiing Loves and Graces: dance. 
 
 II.' 
 
 The fprightly fwains and virgins blooming. 
 With joy falute th' approaching fprincr ;. 
 
 While opening flow'rs the air perfuming. 
 The birds their, warbling carols fmg. 
 
 iir. ' 
 But ah ! in vain the opening flawers, 
 Non> breathe my fpirits to rellorc : 
 Since, with my youth, my happier hours 
 Arc vanifh'd to return no. move. 
 
 IV. No
 
 RE MG NATION". g05 
 
 IV. 
 No more for me the rofes bloom, 
 
 Larks foaring pour their matin fong, 
 Or Ttibcron fheds its rich perfume, 
 
 Or Nrglitirrgalcs their notes prolong. 
 
 V, 
 
 Ah ! where arc now tliofe 'fleeting joyS-, 
 Which fancy painrtcd ^n my -mind ? 
 
 All faded, like the varnifli'^ 't-ays. 
 
 Which, with my childhood I refign'd. 
 
 VI. 
 
 By cold ncgkiJl or death of friends, 
 With fplccn -o'r .forrow thus opprcft, 
 
 A fwarra of foes that -ac attends. 
 Now reign dcfpotic in my bread. 
 
 Tir. 
 
 Tl'cn Laura's fniilcs, that w6hL"to charm me. 
 Now fainter joys, alas I fupply, 
 
 1 hail do the fun's mild rays tiiat ^varm me, 
 When gleaming from the azure (ky. 
 
 VIII. To
 
 306 RESIGNATION'. 
 
 VIII. 
 To youth I freely then refign 
 
 Thofe pltafures which no longer pleafe ; 
 While confcience clear and health are mine. 
 
 Oh I let me live content with eafe. 
 
 FINTS.
 
 PRINTED BY J. BROWNE, BATH.
 
 T^, 
 
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