PK 
 
 Al 
 
 T5
 
 YEZZAH FO' ACES, AN' I DONE RASSLE \VIF DAT NIGGAH \VIF 
 
 HE FO' NINES TWELL HE DRAP MORE'N A DOLLAH'N 
 FOHTY CENTS '
 
 THE 
 
 THOMPSON STREET 
 POKER CLUB 
 
 WITH 40 ILLUSTRATIONS 
 
 LONDON 
 
 GEORGE ROUTLEDGE & SONS, LIMITED 
 BROADWAY HOUSE, LUDGATE HILL
 
 All Rights Resetted
 
 TO 
 THAT NOBLE EXPOUNDER OF THE GAME 
 
 ROBERT C. SCHENCK 
 
 These few reminiscences of blind, straddle, 
 raise and draw are affectionately and yet 
 cautiously dedicated by 
 
 THE AUTHOR
 
 Values of Hands in Draw Poker, beginning 
 with the highest 
 
 A ROYAL FLUSH Ace, King, Queen, Jack (or 
 Knave) and Ten Spot of the same suit. 
 
 STRAIGHT FLUSH A sequence of five cards of 
 the same suit. 
 
 FOURS Four of a kind, with an odd card. 
 
 FULL HAND Three of a kind and a pair. 
 
 FLUSH Five cards of the same suit. 
 
 STRAIGHT A sequence of five cards of different 
 suits. 
 
 TRIPLETS OR THREE OF A KIND Three cards 
 of the same value, with two odd cards. 
 
 Two PAIRS. 
 
 ONE PAIR. 
 
 BOB-TAIL FLUSH Four cards of the same suit 
 with an odd card. Usually valueless. 
 
 Key to Negro Expressions 
 
 BLOW IN Put in. 
 
 BRASH Reckless. 
 
 CALL To compel adversary to show hand by 
 ' seeing ' his bet. 
 
 CHEESE IT Stop it. 
 
 FLISK Flush. 
 
 GWUFFUM Go away from. 
 
 JACKER Jack-pot The combined contributions 
 of all who play, each one contributing the same
 
 Key to Negro Expressions 7 
 
 amount. The pot cannot be opened by a hand of 
 smaller value than a pair of Jacks. 
 
 KITTY A pot reserved for mutual benefit of all 
 players. 
 
 LEGGO Let go of. 
 
 MOKES Negroes. 
 
 POT Combined contributions of players. 
 
 RAISE Rise, betting higher. 
 
 RASSLE Wrestle. 
 
 RAZZER Razor. 
 
 SEE. To place an amount in the pool equal 
 that of last bettor. 
 
 SHOME Show them. 
 
 SIZE UP Calculate. 
 
 SPIZE Despise. 
 
 SPONDLES Spondoolics, money. 
 
 STEERING Bringing up an innocent victim. 
 
 SUCCAHS Innocents. 
 
 SWOLE Swell, increase. 
 
 TRAY Three spot. 
 
 WHADJER What are you ? 
 
 WHARJER Where did you ? 
 
 WHUFFER What for ? Why ?
 
 TWO JACKS AN' A RAZZER 
 
 THE REMARKABLE AND SUCCESSFUL HAND 
 HELD BY MR. WILLIAMS 
 
 'HTVHE Thompson Street Poker Club was 
 A in session, and a big jack-pot had been 
 opened. There were evidently big hands out, 
 for the bets and excitement ran high. 
 
 ' Looker hyar, Gus, whuffer yo' rise dat 
 pot ! ' exclaimed Mr. Tooter Williams. 
 
 ' Nebber yo' mine ! Yo' call, ef you isn't 
 'fraid ; yes, yo' call dat's all ! ' retorted Gus, 
 sullenly. 
 
 ' I won't call ! I rise you back,' said Mr. 
 Williams, whose vertebrae \vere ascending.
 
 10 
 
 ' I rise yo' ag'in,' retorted Gus. And so 
 they went at each other until chips, money, 
 and collateral were gone. Mr. Williams con- 
 cluded to call. 
 
 ' Whad yo' got, niggah, dat yo' do all dat 
 risin' on ? Whad yo' got, nohow ? ' Gus laid 
 djDwn his hand ace, king, queen, jack, and 
 ten of clubs. 
 
 ' Is dat good ? ' he inquired, beginning to 
 size up the pot. 
 
 ' No, dat's not good ! ' said Mr. Williams, 
 reaching down in his bootleg. 
 
 ' Whad yo' got den ? ' queried Gus. Mr. 
 Williams looked at him fixedly. 
 
 ' Ise jes' got two jacks 'n' a razzer.' 
 
 ' Dat's good,' said Gus. 
 
 The game then proceeded.
 
 11
 
 * DATS GOOD ! ' 
 
 MR. SMITH IS NOT TO BE BLUFFED WITH 
 IMPUNITY 
 
 . TOOTER WILLIAMS astonished 
 the Thompson Street Poker Club 
 Saturday night by raising Mr. Gus Johnson 
 sixty-rive cents when that gentleman opened 
 the last jack-pot of the evening. Mr. Johnson 
 showed up two small pair and precipitately fell 
 out ; but the Rev. Mr. Thankful Smith stood 
 the raise and drew four cards. Mr. Williams 
 stood pat. After the draw Mr. Smith skinned 
 his cards, breathed very hard and bet a postage 
 stamp and a battered cent. Mr. Williams
 
 Mr. Smith not to be Bluffed 13 
 
 promptly raised him a dollar and forty cents. 
 Mr. Smith hesitated, but finally drew forth his. 
 wallet. ' Look hyar, yo' coon, what yo' got 
 dat yo'se gittin' so brash ? ' 
 
 ' Yo' fine out ef yo' bet dat dollah fohty 
 jes' yo' see/ retorted Mr. Williams, evidently 
 getting excited. 
 
 ' Yo'se done rise de tar outen me too offen. 
 Now what yo' got ? ' said the Rev. Mr. Smith, 
 putting his money into the pot. 
 
 Mr. Williams looked disconcerted. ' I - 
 I'se jes' got a small king full,' he faltered. 
 
 1 King full's good,' said the Rev. Mr. 
 Smith. 
 
 ' But I haint got it,' said Mr. Williams. 
 
 ' What has yo' got den ? ' said the Rev. Mr. 
 Smith. 
 
 ' I'se got three queens.' 
 
 ' Three queens is good,' said the Rev. Mr. 
 Smith. 
 
 ' But I haint got 'em,' said Mr. Williams.
 
 14 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 1 What has yo' got, den ? ' queried the Rev 
 Mr. Smith, growing a little impatient. 
 ' Fse got two par,' said Mr. Williams. 
 ' Dat's good,' said the Rev. Mr. Smith. 
 
 ' i HAIN'T GOT NUFFIN ' 
 
 ' But I haint got 'em.' 
 
 ' Oil, come now, niggah, what has yo' got ? ' 
 
 ' I'se got one par/ 
 
 1 Dat's good.'
 
 Mr. Smith not to be Bluffed 15 
 
 ' But I haint got it,' said Mr. Williams, 
 whose situation was growing perilous. 
 
 ' Lan's stars, niggah, quit yo' foolin' ! 
 What has yo' got ? ' 
 
 Mr. Williams slowly skinned his cards. ' I 
 I haint got nuffin'.' 
 
 ' Well, dat's good ! '
 
 ' WHAR'S DE CASH PER DESE 
 BEANS ? ' 
 
 THE REV. MR. THANKFUL SMITH HAS TROUBLE 
 WITH THE BANK 
 
 G to the unfortunate fact that the 
 chips loaned to the Thompson Street 
 Poker Club by Mr. Rube Jackson had been 
 garnished by Mr. Gus Johnson (see Rule 147, 
 which provides for the payment of I. O. U.s), 
 the members present last Saturday evening 
 were compelled to play with beans a limited 
 quantity of which had been thoughtfully 
 secured by the Rev. Mr. Thankful Smith while 
 passing a produce store in the late afternoon. 
 The cards ran well, and as Mr. Smith him- 
 self was responsible for the bank, the betting
 
 Rev. Thankful Smith has Trouble 17 
 
 was unusually brilliant. Mr. Smith was never in 
 better luck, nor Mr. Tooter Williams in worse. 
 Notwithstanding the heavy losses of the latter 
 gentleman, however, the supply of beans never 
 seemed to run short, and after several hours 
 of play this excited suspicion in the banker, 
 io ' Lemme jess cash up an' see how de bank 
 stan's,' said that potentate, after an unusually 
 prodigal burst of beans from Mr. Williams had 
 startled the players. 
 
 Mr. Gus Johnson passed in ninety-six beans 
 and got his money. 
 
 Professor Brick had thirty-nine lentils and a 
 half ; but consented, after some haggling, to 
 call it plain thirty-nine. 
 
 Mr. Rube Jackson had seventy-two beans, 
 but owed the bank seventy-five. He settled 
 the difference with coin. All accounts had 
 now been squared except that of Mr. \Villiams. 
 
 The Rev. Mr. Smith emptied the beans into 
 his hat, put the pack into his pocket, and 
 
 B
 
 18 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 made away with the stuffed wallet. Every 
 eye was fixed on Mr. Williams. 
 
 ' Look hyar, niggah ! whar's de cash fer dese 
 beans ? ' asked that gentleman of the banker. 
 
 By way of reply Mr. Smith emptied the 
 bank upon the table and desired the Com- 
 mittee of the whole to count it. The return 
 was nine hundred and seventy-two beans. 
 Then said Mr. Smith, impressively : 
 
 ' I only had fo' hundred an' sixty beans ter 
 start ; I'se winned all de j ackers and mos' ob 
 de stray tussels, an' yet I'se a dollah fohty- 
 two out. Dis bank's solven' as long's de 
 bettin' 's squar' ; but de debbil himse'f cawn't 
 cash agin de man wat's got a umbreller-case 
 full o' beans dribblin' from his sleeve. No, 
 sah ! Dis bank am 'spended.' 
 
 The Club adjourned.
 
 s
 
 A NIGGAH FUNER'L 
 
 ^ I ^HERE was no game at the Thompson 
 Street Poker Club on Saturday evening. 
 Mr. Gus Johnson was engaged to sing at a 
 revival in Hoboken ; Professor Brick wrote a 
 note to the effect that his coal man had pre- 
 vented his recuperating sufficiently to play on 
 the cash system ; and Mr. Rube Jackson, who 
 had promised to call upon Elder Boss Jones, of 
 Florida, and steer him against the game, failed 
 to put in an appearance. 
 
 The Rev. Thankful Smith was relating the 
 experiences of the previous meeting, when 
 with the saddened air of a man who had lost 
 his grip on his reputation, Mr. Tooter Williams 
 and the odour of a Bowery cigar entered 
 together.
 
 A Niggah Funer'l 21 
 
 ' Whad de madder, Toot ? ' inquired Mr. 
 Smith, with the easy familiarity of a man in 
 luck. ' Yo' looks 'spondent.' 
 
 ' I done loss dat sixty-fo' dollahs I winned 
 on de hoss race/ responded Mr. Williams, 
 gloomily. 
 
 ' Sho ! ' exclaimed everybody present. 
 
 ' Yezzah,' continued Mr. Williams, address- 
 ing himself exclusively to Mr. Smith, ' an' I 
 done loss it in bettin' agin mokes, too. Dafs 
 whad makes de remorse bite.' 
 
 The deepest interest having been aroused, 
 Mr. Williams proceeded to enlighten the mem- 
 bers as follows : 
 
 ' I was stannin' in a do' on Sixth Aveyou, 
 an' up comes a wite man in a plug hat, an' 
 sezee, " Why heel-\o, Mister Robinson, how 
 is yo' ? " ' 
 
 ' Bunko,' remarked Mr. Smith, with the air 
 of one who had had experience. 
 
 ' Dat's what / thought,' said Mr. Williams,
 
 22 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 ' bud I kept shet. So Isezto him, " How is 
 . yo' ? " ' 
 
 ' " I'se a stranger yar, Mister Robinson," 
 sezee, " an' I mus' say I never did see so many 
 mokes togidder as dey is on Sixth Aveyou. 
 Dey'smo' mokes dan wite pussons." " Oh, no," 
 sez I, " dey's mo' wite pussons dan mokes." 
 " I'll bet yo' two to one dey isn't," sezee. " All 
 right," sez I. So off he goes an' comes back 
 wid a fren' who weighed 'bout two hunded, 
 an' had a bad eye.' 
 
 ' Yo' had a sof spec,' observed Mr. Smith. 
 
 ' Den,' continued Mr. Williams, not noticing 
 the interruption, ' sezee, " Now, we'll bofe put 
 up a hunded dollahs wif dis genelman, an' 
 stan yar in de do'. Ebery wite man passes, 
 he'll give yo' two dollahs, an' every moke 
 passes, he'll give me a dollah." 
 
 ' Well ! ' said Mr. Smith, who was growing 
 excited. 
 
 ' Well ! fust dey comes along two wite men,
 
 24 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 an' de man wif de bad eye sez dat was fo' 
 dollahs to my credit. Den comes six wite men, 
 an' he say dat's twelve dollahs mo' for me. Den 
 comes along a buck niggah an' den I lose a dol- 
 lah. Den fo' wite men an' I win eight. Den 
 fo' wite men mo ' ; den one niggah ; den two 
 niggahs, den seven wite men, an' de man wif de 
 bad eye, he say I was fohty-two dollahs ahead.' 
 
 ' De soffes' lay I ever hear,' said Mr. Smith, 
 whose eyes were glistening over Mr. Williams' 
 winnings. 
 
 ' Den comes along fo' wite men,' said Mr. 
 Williams, 'an' de man wif a bad eye he say 
 dat was eight dollahs mo', an' den Here 
 Mr. Williams paused, as if his recollections 
 had overpowered him. 
 
 'An' den?' echoed everybody, wildly excited. 
 
 ' Why, den,' said Mr. Williams, desperately, 
 ' dey comes around de cornah 
 
 ' De cops ? ' breathlessly asked Mr. Smith. 
 
 ' A niggah funer'l/ said Mr. Williams.
 
 ' I BROKE YO' ALL UP ' 
 
 ^ I ^HE regular monthly meeting of the 
 Thompson Street Poker Club occurred 
 last Saturday evening, and as Mr. Rube Jack- 
 son had succeeded in steering the Reverend 
 Dr. Jeff Cooppuller against the game, the 
 members were in high spirits. 
 
 Under Section 5, Rule IV., visitors and 
 guests are allowed to settle with the bank at 
 the end of the game, and in accordance with 
 this hospitable privilege, the reverend gentle- 
 man had drawn so heavily as to make Mr. Gus 
 Johnson's eyes stand out like a crab's with 
 excitement. 
 
 Mr. Tooter \Yilliams was in luck. It had 
 been already secretly remarked by older mem-
 
 26 
 
 bers of the Club that whenever the Club played 
 with an old pack, Mr. Williams' luck was in- 
 variably steadier and more brilliant, but on 
 this occasion it rose to such majestic propor- 
 tions that every one but the Club's guest fled 
 precipitately on his slightest symptom of show- 
 ing fight, and the battle was mainly between 
 these two. 
 
 The Rev. Thankful Smith was banking, as 
 usual. He honoured his reverend friend's call 
 for chips with cheerfulness and alacrity for 
 four straight hours. Then Mr. Williams pleaded 
 an engagement, passed in his toppling pile, and 
 received $14, even, which was the biggest win- 
 ning on the Club's record. He then left. 
 
 The Rev. Dr. Cooppuller made another 
 liberal draft on the bank, and began losing to 
 Mr. Gus Johnson. The Rev. Mr. Smith was 
 beginning to have suspicions. At last he said, 
 ' Sposen we jess cash in, an' squar wid de 
 bank ? '
 
 27
 
 28 
 
 Mr. Gus Johnson handed in his winnings 
 and received $3.41. 
 
 Mr. Rube Jackson owed the bank 92 cents, 
 and paid it with a trade dollar. All eyes were 
 now fixed upon the guest of the evening. 
 
 ' Yo' owes de bank, brudder, 'bout $19.79,' 
 said Mr. Smith, with an effort to be calm. 
 
 ' Dat's all right,' said Mr. Cooppuller, put- 
 ting on his gloves. 
 
 ' Wha whad's all right ? ' inquired Mr. 
 Smith, who was beginning to realize the worst. 
 
 ' Dat $19.79,' answered Mr. Cooppuller, 
 drawing on his coat. 
 
 ' Whar's de cash ? ' inquired Mr. Smith. 
 
 ' Yo' gin it ter Toot, did n' yo' ? ' asked Mr. 
 Cooppuller. 
 
 ' He winned it ! ' asseverated Mr. Smith. 
 
 ' Dat's not my fault,' said Mr. Cooppuller. 
 
 ' I broke yo' all up, ef yo' doan squar dat 
 'count,' said Mr. Smith, shucking off his coat 
 and assuming a terrible position.
 
 ' / Broke Yo' All up ' 
 
 29 
 
 Mr. Cooppuller smiled. ' I was jess jess 
 foolin', brudder. Yar's a cheque fo' twonny- 
 fo' dollahs. Gin me de change.' 
 
 ' DAT BANK BUSTED MO*N A YAR AGO ' 
 
 Mr. Smith counted out four dollars and 
 twenty-one cents, and shook hands with Mr. 
 Cooppuller, who beamed with a benevolence 
 only exceeded by the caution with which he 
 smuggled a wink to Mr. Rube Jackson. Then 
 he and that gentleman left together. There
 
 30 
 
 was silence. Mr. Gus Johnson was examining 
 the cheque. He handed it back to Mr. Smith 
 with a smile. 
 
 ' Dat's all right ? ' asked Mr. Smith. 
 
 ' All right ; 'ceptin' ' 
 
 ' 'Ceptin' whad ? ' 
 
 ' Dat bank busted mo'n a yar ago.'
 
 THE SCRAPED TRAY 
 
 - TOOTER WILLIAMS was late at 
 the meeting of the Thompson Street 
 Poker Club, Saturday evening ; but as he had 
 Elder Boss Dickerson in tow, the secretary 
 remitted the usual fine. It was confidentially 
 learned that the Elder had just received $17.50 
 on an extensive kalsomining contract, and was 
 probably good for as much more, and as Mr. 
 Williams had already played with the deck of 
 cards now upon the table, and Mr. Rube 
 Jackson had consented for a small percentage 
 not to play, but to sit in a sociable way behind 
 the Elder's chair, the game promised to be one 
 of extraordinary interest. 
 
 Having been introduced to the Rev. Mr.
 
 32 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 Thankful Smith, Mr. Gus Johnson and Pro- 
 fessor Brick, the Elder shucked off his ulster, 
 produced a corpulent wallet, purchased $1.79 
 worth of blues and red, and opened up the 
 game with an expression of determination and 
 a thumping blind, which made the excitable 
 Mr. Johnson's eyes stand out like those of an 
 apoplectic crab. Seven hands were played, 
 and as Mr. Jackson, who sat behind the Elder, 
 had evidently forgotten the code of signals to 
 the extent that he winked with his right eye 
 when he should have winked with his left, Mr. 
 Williams was already out ninety-seven cents, 
 and was correspondingly mad. 
 
 At last, however, Mr. Jackson was made 
 aware of his error by a searching kick delivered 
 beneath the table, and a new deck, which had 
 been thoughtfully placed on ice by the Rev. 
 Mr. Smith before the company assembled, was 
 produced. It was Mr. Johnson's deal and the 
 Elder's blind.
 
 srs
 
 34 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 Everybody came in. 
 
 The Elder raised the blind 65 cents. 
 
 The decisive moment had come. 
 
 ' I rise dat rise a dollah/ said the Rev. 
 Thankful Smith, with the calmness of one who 
 expects to fill a bobtail. 
 
 ' I sees yo' dat, and I liff yo' a dollah mo'/ 
 ventured Mr. Williams. 
 
 ' I calls/ said the Elder. 
 
 Mr. Smith also called, and the three pro- 
 ceeded to draw cards. Mr. Williams wanted 
 two cards ; the Rev. Mr. Smith guessed he'd 
 take one, and the Elder concluded to play 
 what he had. 
 
 Mr. Smith led out with a two dollar stack. 
 Mr. Williams slowly pulled out a corpulent 
 wallet, fixed a belligerent glare apparently on 
 Mr. Smith, banged the wallet heavily on the 
 middle of the table, and said, impressively : 
 
 ' I goes yo' dat two, an' six dollahs 
 rise.'
 
 The Scraped Tray 35 
 
 ' I rise yo' six,' said the Elder, but without 
 putting up chips. 
 
 The Rev. Mr. Smith dropped out. Mr. 
 Williams pointed to the wallet, and said : 
 
 ' I goes yo' six mo'.' 
 
 The Elder raised one foot, and placed it 
 neatly on top of Mr. Williams' wallet, and 
 said : 
 
 ' I rise dat ten.' 
 
 ' Whar's de money ? ' inquired Mr. Wil- 
 liams, with a polite smile. 
 
 ' Whar's yo' money ? ' retorted the Elder, 
 as sweetly. 
 
 Mr. Williams pointed to the wallet under- 
 neath the Elder's heel. 
 
 ' Dat's all right, den,' said the Elder ; ' I'se 
 got jess as much leather on dis yar table as yo' 
 has.' 
 
 ' Whad yo' mean by dat ? ' asked Mr. Wil- 
 liams. 
 
 ' Put up er shet,' said the Elder.
 
 36 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 Mr. Williams drove his knife through his 
 cards, pinning them to the table, and called 
 out the Rev. Mr. Smith for a consultation. 
 The Elder thoughtfully whistled a tune, drew 
 a razor, and seemed to be trying its edge on 
 the surface of his bottom card. Mr. Jackson 
 watched Mr. Williams' hand to see that no- 
 thing got away, and Mr. Johnson kept his eye 
 on the pack. 
 
 Mr. Williams returned triumphantly, and 
 counted out thirty dollars, which he had evi- 
 dently borrowed from Mr. Smith. 
 
 ' I calls,' he said. 
 
 The Elder put up his razor, shook $29 out 
 of his wallet, made up a dollar more with 
 a mutilated coin, some pennies and a postage- 
 stamp, and said, briefly : 
 
 ' Whad yo' got ? ' 
 
 ' Fo' kings,' said Mr. Williams, with a 
 deadly gleam in his eye. 
 
 ' Not good,' said the Elder.
 
 The Scraped Tray 37 
 
 ' Wha whad ? ' faltered Mr. Williams. 
 
 ' Fo' aces.' With this the Elder showed 
 four aces, swept the pot into his hat and left 
 the room. The five sat dazed. 
 
 ' I done guv him tree aces an' two trays, 
 sho',' said Mr. Johnson. 
 
 ' I put dat han' up myse'f,' asseverated Mr. 
 Smith, bewildered. 
 
 ' I seed bofe dem trays in he hand,' observed 
 Mr., Jackson. 
 
 Mr. Williams said nothing, but silently ex- 
 amined the Elder's hand. Finally he inquired, 
 hoarsely : 
 
 ' Did he hev a razzer ? ' 
 
 ' Yezzah,' said Mr. Jackson ; ' he done play 
 with he razzer de whole time yo' was outen de 
 room.' 
 
 Mr. Williams rose with a withering look, and 
 put on his coat. 
 
 ' Whad's de matter, Toot ? ' inquired Mr. 
 Smith. ' How yo' splain hit ? '
 
 38 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 Mr. Williams pointed to the ace of diamonds, 
 lately in the Elder's hand. ' Gin any niggah 
 de tray er diamonds an' a razzer an' tree aces, 
 and^whad kin fo' kings do ? Gwuffum heah. 
 He done played me outen thirty dollars on er 
 scraped tray. Dad's what makes me 'spise 
 pokah/ 
 
 With this Mr. Williams left the room.
 
 DAT'S GAMBLIN' 
 
 \ T the regular meeting of the Thompson 
 -* *- Street Poker Club, on Saturday even- 
 ing, owing to the fact that both his eyes had 
 that morning accidentally collided with the 
 knuckles of the Rev. Mr. Thankful Smith, 
 after a slight financial misunderstanding, and 
 that for two hours he had lost every jackpot 
 he had opened, Mr. Tooter Williams presented 
 somewhat the aspect of gloom. Mr. Gus 
 Johnson was one dollar and forty-nine cents 
 ahead, having had an unusually steady two- 
 pair streak ; Mr. Rube Jackson had sixty-nine 
 cents' worth of velvet before him ; Professor 
 Brick was a few coppers and a postage stamp
 
 40 
 
 on the right side ; and Mr. Williams, who was 
 banking, was the only loser. It being his deal, 
 three kings wandered into his hand, and might 
 have proved effectual but for the sad fact that 
 everybody noticed the expression of his eye 
 and fled. A jackpot was then in order, and 
 
 ' DEM NIXES 'LL WIN, SHO' " 
 
 after it had climbed to aces the players braced 
 up and knew that the event of the evening had 
 come. At that moment the door opened and 
 the Rev. Mr. Smith, accompanied by a slight 
 odour of hiccoughs, entered, took his seat
 
 Dafs Gamblin' 41 
 
 behind Mr. Jackson's chair, and glared a 
 renewal of the morning's hostilities at Mr. 
 Williams. That gentleman haughtily refused 
 to notice it, however, but opened the pot 
 with a burst of chips which scared Mr. Johnson 
 half to death. Professor Brick came in. 
 
 ' Rise dat,' said the Rev. Mr. Smith to Mr. 
 Jackson. Then he whispered, audibly : ' Dem 
 tree nines '11 win dat pot, shoY 
 
 Mr. Jackson elevated the bet as directed. 
 Mr. Williams was delighted, for he had three 
 jacks. He returned the raise. 
 
 ' Rise him agin/ commanded the Rev. Mr. 
 Smith, and then whispered as before : ' Doan 
 leggo dem nines.' 
 
 Back came Mr. Williams, and then the Rev. 
 Mr. Smith counselled Mr. Jackson to ' jess 
 call,' and ' see what dem nines '11 ketch in 
 de draw.' 
 
 Mr. Jackson wanted two cards, and caught a 
 pair of trays. Mr. Williams held up a king and
 
 42 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 drew one card, which, after elaborately comb 
 ing his hand, he discovered to be another king. 
 The battle was then resumed. 
 
 ' I'll back den nines for all I'se wuff,' said 
 Mr. Smith, slipping his wallet into Mr. Jack- 
 son's hand. And so they went at each other 
 until even Mr. Williams' new collar button 
 was up, and he was forced to call : 
 
 ' What yo' got, niggah ? ' 
 
 ' Whad yo' got yo'se'f ? ' retorted Mr. Jack- 
 son. 
 
 ' I'se got er jack-full dat's what / got,' said 
 Mr. Williams. 
 
 ' Shome down,' said Mr. Smith, imper- 
 turbably. 
 
 Mr. Williams proudly skinned out three 
 jacks and a pair of kings, and inquired, rather 
 superciliously, was ' dat good ? ' 
 
 ' We'se loaded fer bar over yar,' retorted 
 Mr. Smith, evasively. 
 
 ' Whad ? ' asked Mr. Williams, astonished ;
 
 44 
 
 for, as dealer, he was certain he had not given 
 Mr. Williams a fourth nine. 
 
 ' We'se jess jess loaded fer bar.' 
 ' What's dat ? ' reiterated Mr. Williams, 
 turning as pale as he could. ' Shope dem 
 nines.' 
 
 Mr. Smith's only reply was to spread Mr. 
 Jackson's hand out. It consisted mainly of 
 queens, with a flavour of trays to give it 
 strength. He then gathered in the pot and, 
 with Mr. Jackson, quitted the room. Mr. Wil- 
 liams sat in deep thought. After a little he 
 said : ' I like de game for fun jess, jess to 
 pass away de time. But dat ' here Mr. Wil- 
 liams waved his hand towards the debris of the 
 recent encounter, with the air of one inculcat- 
 ing a lofty moral ' dat's gamblin' ! '
 
 DAR'S NO SUCKAHS IN HOBOKEN 
 
 THE INCOMPREHENSIBLE DEMEANOUR OF MR. 
 DILSEY 
 
 three weeks, until last Saturday, the 
 Thompson Street Poker Club had had 
 no session. This was partly due to the fact 
 that the proprietor of the building had sordidly 
 closed the room and kicked Mr. Gus Johnson, 
 the treasurer, downstairs on learning that, 
 owing to some inexplicable phenomenon not 
 understood by the Club, the kitty had not 
 yielded enough to pay for the kerosene, much 
 less the rent. 
 
 As a regular rake and two pairs and upwards 
 had been made for a month, this delinquency
 
 46 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 amazed the Club. Various scientific theories 
 were advanced, among them one involving a 
 search of Mr. Johnson's private pocket and 
 bootleg, but investigation had shown them to 
 be false. An inspection of the table-drawer was 
 then made. It was shown that a knot-hole 
 existed in the bottom thereof, large enough to 
 admit of the insertion of the two fingers for the 
 abstraction of three dollars, which was the 
 amount of the missing kitty. It was also 
 demonstrated that the knot-hole had been in 
 perihelion, so to speak, with Mr. Tooter 
 Williams. Therefore, while it was clear that 
 the money was hopelessly gone, it was im- 
 possible to account for its absence upon any 
 other theory than that offered by Mr. Williams 
 himself, that ' De mice done smell dat las' 
 welch rahbit offen Mr. Johnson's fingahs on de 
 bills, an' run off wid it.' This explanation was 
 received in lieu of a better ; the Rev. Mr. 
 Thankful Smith paid the rent and assumed
 
 Dar's no Suckahs in Hoboken 47 
 
 charge of the kitty until he should be 
 reimbursed ; Mr. Johnson magnanimously for- 
 gave the gentleman who had kicked him down- 
 stairs. Mr. Tooter Williams expressed his 
 belief in Mr. Johnson's integrity as treasurer, 
 and all was again harmony. 
 
 Mr. Cyanide Whiffles, for a moderate per- 
 centage, had volunteered to steer his brother- 
 in-law against the game, and, to use a tech- 
 nical expression, blow him in for all he 
 was worth. The gentlemen in question was 
 a Hoboken barber, with a steady income, a 
 total ignorance of draw poker, a child-like con- 
 fidence and other advantages of mind and per- 
 son which impressed Mr. Williams favourably. 
 
 The Rev. Mr. Smith instructed the neophyte 
 in those fundamental principles known as 
 ' coming in,' ' straddling,' ' rising/ and 
 ' sweetnin' de j acker/ and by tacit consent he 
 was allowed to win some small successive pots, 
 and thus got himself into a glorious humour.
 
 48 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 Then Mr. Williams winked at Gus Johnson 
 and that gentleman dealt. 
 
 Mr. Williams had straddled the blind and 
 the Rev. Mr. Smith straddled him. All came 
 in, and drew three cards apiece except the 
 stranger, Mr. Highland Dilsey, who only 
 wanted one. Mr. Williams bet a dollar. Mr. 
 Smith raised him two. 
 
 Professor Brick called, as did also Mr. 
 Whiffles. All eyes were upon Mr. Dilsey, and 
 the silence was so profound that Mr. Johnson 
 could hear his hair grow. 
 
 ' Does yo' jess 'ess call, Mistah Dilsey ? ' 
 inquired Mr. Williams, with a sweet smile, ' or 
 does yo' rise it ? ' 
 
 Mr. Dilsey passed his cards in review, 
 hesitated, and said : 
 
 ' Kin I rise it ? ' 
 
 ' Cer'nly,' replied Mr. Williams, who had 
 a great deal of benevolence and also three 
 kings. ' Rise it all yo' want.'
 
 Dar's no Suckahs in Hoboken 49 
 
 Thus encouraged, Mr. Dilsey raised the pot 
 six dollars. Everybody breathed hard with 
 suppressed excitement, and Mr. Johnson's 
 eyes might have served for a hat rack. Mr. 
 Williams raised back and Mr. Smith raised 
 him. The others, according to previous agree- 
 ment, fled. 
 
 Mr. Dilsey called. ' What yo' got to beat 
 two par ? ' he inquired. 
 
 ' Is sev'ral big, fat, smilin' kings any good ? ' 
 asked Mr. Williams, kindly. 
 
 ' Kin a spade flisk, queen high, do nuffin' ? ' 
 queried the Rev. Mr. Smith. 
 
 ' Shome up/ said Mr. Dilsey, apparently 
 nursing his left foot. 
 
 Mr. Williams unfolded his private collection 
 of royalty, and Mr. Smith exhibited a pano- 
 rama of spades which reflected great credit 
 upon Mr. Johnson's dealing. 
 
 ' I'se sorry, Mistah Dilsey,' observed Mr. 
 Williams. 
 
 n
 
 5o The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 ' Dat's de way wif cyards,' remarked the 
 Rev. Mr. Smith, sententiously. ' Gamblin' 's 
 onsartin'.' 
 
 Mr. Dilsey spoke not, but began to count up 
 the pot. 
 
 ' Wha whad yo' doin' wif de spondles ? ' 
 asked Mr. Williams. 
 
 ' Leggo my pot ! ' commanded Mr. Smith. 
 
 Mr. Dilsey coolly rolled up the bills and 
 inserted them in an abyss under his vest, and 
 then swept the coppers and Mr. Whiffles' 
 plated watch-chain into his pocket. 
 
 ' Look hyar, niggahs,' he said, in a tone 
 which made Mr. Johnson feel like a refrigera- 
 tor, ' Fse from Hoboken, an' I'se a barbah. 
 When a Hoboken barbah comes to Thoms'n 
 Street, he kerries his profession wif him. I'se 
 got bofe bootlegs an' a hip-pocket full er de 
 implements ob de craff. Yo' hear me ? ' 
 
 All signified by silence that they heard. 
 Then Mr. Dilsey laid down three jacks and a
 
 52 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 pair of sixes, and coolly jammed Mr. Whiffles' 
 hat down over his eyes and quitted the room. 
 
 The Club sat stricken for three minutes. 
 Then the door slowly reopened, and Mr. 
 Dilsey's voice sounded sepulchrally : 
 
 ' Dar's no suckahs in Hoboken.' 
 
 With that he vanished.
 
 DE SEVEN CENTS 
 
 PROCEEDS OF AN ENTERTAINMENT FOR THE 
 BARTHOLDI PEDESTAL FUND 
 
 \ SPECIAL meeting of the Thompson 
 * ^ Street Poker Club was held last Satur- 
 day evening for the purpose of discussing the 
 ways and means of aiding the Bartholdi 
 Pedestal Fund. Mr. Tooter Williams, who 
 had unfortunately not entirely recovered from 
 an acute attack of malaria contracted on New 
 Year's Day, was found to be too unparliamen- 
 tary and uproarious to occupy the chair, so 
 that power was conferred upon the Rev. Mr. 
 Thankful Smith, who, though evidently con-
 
 54 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 valescing from the same malady, was drowsy 
 but dignified, and banked as usual. 
 
 Mr. Rube Jackson opened the question and 
 the jack-pot by remarking that he had seen a 
 photograph of the statue, and thought that its 
 complexion should strongly recommend it to 
 the zeal of the coloured race. 
 
 Mr. Gus Johnson passed out with the remark 
 that he never didn't have no luck on j ackers, 
 nohow, and wanted to hear the Bartholdi 
 matter more fully discussed before venturing 
 an opinion. 
 
 Mr. Cyanide Whiffles came in without 
 remark. 
 
 Mr. Tooter Williams woke up and said he 
 would open the pot for a dollar and a half. Mr. 
 Rube Jackson, who saw there was trouble com- 
 ing, hastened to mildly assure him it had 
 already been opened for thirty-five cents. 
 Then said Mr. Williams, in a voice of 
 war :
 
 De Seven Cents 55' 
 
 ' I rise dat two dollahs, 'n I'll knock de tar 
 outen de niggah wot doan' rassle.' 
 
 This definite proposition had the effect 
 of scaring Mr. Jackson half to death, and of re- 
 calling the Rev. Mr. Smith from the temporary 
 state of coma into which he had lapsed. He 
 drowsily ran over his hand, inquired who had 
 opened the pot, and on being informed of Mr. 
 Williams' belligerent burst of chips, electrified 
 all present by drawing forth the honourable 
 wallet and slapping it on the table with great 
 violence. He then said to Mr. Williams : 
 
 ' Look hyar, Toot ; what yo' doin' ? ' 
 
 ' I jess jess rised dat pot,' faltered Mr. 
 Williams, who had not forgotten past 
 experiences with that wallet. 
 
 ' Yo' rised it, did yer ? ' sarcastically in- 
 quired Mr. Smith : ' yo' rised it ? ' Here he 
 opened the wallet and shook out a roll of bills. 
 ' I see dat rise 'n I swole dat pot ten, t wormy 
 fohty dollahs.' Here he leaned back and
 
 56 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 smiled reassuringly on Mr. Jackson, who had 
 begun to breathe again. 
 
 Mr. Williams ran his hand over. It somehow 
 didn't seem to be as large as before. He then 
 said : 
 
 ' I I 'sidered dis pot was fer fer defunV 
 
 ' Wot fun' ? ' asked Mr. Smith. 
 
 1 De pedestal fun'.' 
 
 ' Dat's why you swole de j acker ? ' 
 
 ' Ye yes.' 
 
 ' Well, den, for de sake ob de pedestal fun', 
 I jess swole it fohty dollahs.' 
 
 Mr. Williams' respiration was laboured for a 
 few minutes, during which time he ran his 
 hand over again. 
 
 ' Fse a patriot,' he said, ' an' I'll do anyt'ing 
 in de cause.' 
 
 ' Den yo' call dat rise ? ' 
 
 Mr. Williams threw up his hand. The Rev. 
 Mr. Smith raked in the jack, counted it over 
 twice, and said :
 
 De Seven Cents 
 
 57 
 
 ' De gross proceeds ob dis entertainment am 
 five dollahs 'n seventy-two cents. Five from 
 thirteen, nine, carry one ; six 'n four's nine 
 dat leaves jis seben cents profit fer de fun'. 
 Brudder Jackson will take charge ob de seben 
 cents,' he concluded, passing that sum over in 
 coppers. 
 
 ' Bud whar whar's de res' ob de money 
 goin' ? ' inquired Mr. Williams. 
 
 ' De res' ob de money,' said Mr. Smith, im- 
 pressively, ' is absorbed by de 'spenses ob de 
 entertainment. Brudder Jackson will now 
 pass aroun' de aces.' 
 
 BRUDDER JACKSON 'LL TAKE DE SEBEN CENTS '
 
 TRIFLIN' WIF PROV'DENCE 
 
 'T^HE Thompson Street Poker Club met as 
 usual last Saturday evening, the Rev. 
 Mr. Thankful Smith in the chair. There were 
 present Professor Brick, Mr. Cyanide Whiffles 
 and Elder Jubilee Anderson, whom Mr. Tooter 
 Williams, as an act of courtesy, had volun- 
 teered to steer against the game. A note of 
 regrets was received from Mr. Gus Johnson. 
 Owing to a slight misunderstanding in relation 
 to the ownership of an overcoat, he had a 
 temporary engagement with the municipal 
 authorities. 
 
 The game was spirited, the jack-pots fre- 
 quent and exciting, and the luck for two hours 
 ran steadily against the Elder.
 
 Trifliri* wif Providence 59 
 
 Mr. Tooter Williams had been to a stag 
 dinner in the early evening, and the heating 
 influence of the maccaroni compelled him 
 about every fifth hand to seek the outer air and 
 cool himself. Each time he returned, how- 
 ever, he would indulge in such a reckless burst 
 of chips and flushes as to mislead his guest into 
 the supposition that it would be wiser for him 
 to go home and sleep it off. But as he 
 steadily won it was useless to make the 
 proposition. 
 
 At eleven o'clock the Elder had lost six 
 dollars and drew out of the game. Mr. Wil- 
 liams was nine dollars and Mr. Whiffles' ulster 
 ahead. The Rev. Mr. Smith was gloomy, and 
 Professor Brick seem to be deliberating what 
 form of suicide would be cheapest and most 
 effective. Mr. Williams, from being musically 
 uproarious, had become incoherent and abu- 
 sive. He drew r three cards against Mr. 
 Whiffles' pat flush and got him four dollars in
 
 60 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 debt, and he bounced the Rev. Mr. Smith out 
 of a jack-pot with two miserable fives, which 
 he gleefully showed down. He was then again 
 attacked by maccaroni and vanished for a 
 breath of fresh air. 
 
 ' Kin I play yo' han', Toot ? ' inquired the 
 Elder, as Mr. Williams rose. 
 
 ' Cer'nly,' replied that gentleman. ' An' 
 when yo' ketch 'em, kyarve Smith kyarve 
 'im ! ' With two lurches and this truculent 
 request he quitted the room. 
 
 The Elder smiled across at the Rev. Mr. 
 Smith, and that gentleman winked at Mr. 
 Whiffles, who dealt. 
 
 ' I bets yo' a dollah/ observed the Elder. 
 
 ' I rises dat fo',' retorted the Rev. Mr. 
 Smith. 
 
 ' I calls. Gimme a cyard/ said the Elder. 
 
 ' Me too,' said the Rev. Mr. Smith. 
 
 ' Fo' dollahs,' said the Elder, making a 
 cavern in Mr. Williams' pile.
 
 62 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 ' Fo' mo',' said the Rev. Mr. Smith. 
 
 At that moment a door slammed, and Mr. 
 Whiffles knew that trouble and Mr. Williams 
 was coming. 
 
 ' Fo' mo'n yo'/ was the Elder's reply, as he 
 shoved up the last of Mr. Williams' chips and 
 Mr. \Vhiffles' ulster. 
 
 ' Rise dat fo',' replied the Rev. Mr. Smith. 
 At that moment Mr. Williams entered. His 
 practised eye took in the situation at once. 
 
 ' Wha whadjerdoin' ? ' he asked the Elder, 
 
 ' Playin' yo' han',' replied that gentleman, 
 giving him the cards. 
 
 ' \Vho who done all dat risin' ? ' was Mr. 
 Williams' next inquiry. 
 
 ' 7 did ; dad'swho,' said the Rev. Mr. Smith. 
 
 Mr. Williams ran his hand over. It held 
 two trays, a pair of nines, and a king. 
 
 ' Spose sposen I rise yo' back ? ' he said to 
 the Rev. Mr. Smith, in tones which he hoped 
 would ill] him with terror.
 
 Triftin > wif Providence 63 
 
 ' Rise away/ was that gentleman's imper- 
 turbable reply. 
 
 Mr. Williams, for a moment, was plunged in 
 profound thought. Then he threw up his 
 hand. The Rev. Mr. Smith slowly drew in the 
 pot, buried it in his pocket ; the Elder tried 
 the fit of Mr. Whiffles' ulster, found it too 
 small, gave it back to its owner, and then the 
 Rev. Mr. Smith, with the Elder, and a some- 
 what fiendish chuckle, quitted the room. 
 There was silence for a minute, and then Mr. 
 Williams said, impressively : 
 
 ' Niggahs, dad's what er genelman gits for 
 takin' his eye offen de pack. Dad speeyunce 
 done cos' me jess jess six dollahs a minit 
 dat fresh air was jess sixty cents a breff, while 
 I was outen de room. Dad's not pokah. 
 Dad's triflin' wif Prov'dence.'
 
 ' WHARJER GIT DEM JACKS ? ' 
 
 MR. WILLIAMS AND MR. SMITH HAVE A SLIGHT 
 MISUNDERSTANDING 
 
 Ti It R. TOOTER WILLIAMS had a bad 
 * * eye and several kings when the Rev. 
 Mr. Thankful Smith opened the first jack-pot 
 at the regular meeting of the Thompson 
 Street Poker Club, Saturday evening. Mr. 
 Gus Johnson saw that a powerful brew of 
 mischief was at hand, and prudently laid down 
 two pair ; while Mr. Cyanide Whirries, who 
 had a severe cold, a pair of eights, and very 
 little horse sense, came in. 
 
 ' I rise dat two dollahs,' said Mr. Williams 
 quietly, but with truculence of intent.
 
 ' Wharf er git dem Jacks ? ' 65 
 
 ' Yo's gittin' too brash/ rejoined the Rev. 
 Mr. Smith, testily. ' Ef yo' tinks yo's de 
 Van dy bilk er dis pahty, jess jess stack 'em 
 up. I rise yo' six dollahs.' 
 
 Mr. Williams considered for a moment, 
 during which time he thoughtfully examined 
 the cards which, with great foresight, he had 
 previously pinned to the leg of the table. 
 
 ' I calls/ he said, at length. ' Gimme two 
 cyards.' 
 
 Mr. Whiffles fled. 
 
 The Rev. Mr. Smith dealt Mr. Williams 
 two cards, and conscientiously helped himself 
 to the last ten-spot remaining in the pack. 
 He then banged the honoured wallet on the 
 table, and said : ' 'Leven dollahs.' 
 
 ' I calls yo'/ said Mr. Williams, secretly 
 unpinning the hidden hand and counting out 
 the money. 
 
 The Rev. Mr. Smith swept the pot into 
 his pocket. 
 
 E
 
 66 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 ' Wha whadjer doin' ? ' gasped Mr. \Vil- 
 liams, aghast at this unparliamentary proceed- 
 ing. 
 
 ' Fo' tens/ said the Rev. Mr. Smith, 
 showing down that remarkable hand. ' How 
 many freckle yo' got on yo' han' ? ' he 
 inquired. 
 
 ' I'se I'se jess jess clum over yo' tens/ 
 said Mr. Williams, with an effort to be calm 
 and look honest. 
 
 ' Shome up/ said the reverend gentleman. 
 
 Mr. Williams unfolded four jacks. They 
 were all there. 
 
 ' Wharjer get um ? ' was the next point in 
 the Rev. Mr. Smith's catechism. 
 
 1 Outen de pack, er course/ said Mr. 
 Williams, breathing hard. 
 
 The Rev. Mr. Smith's reply was to reach 
 over and weave his fingers firmly through 
 the roots of Mr. Williams' hair. Then he 
 thrashed around the room with him for a few
 
 ($7
 
 68 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 excited minutes, and then sat down upon him. 
 Mr. Williams still breathed heavily. 
 
 ' Wharjer git dem jacks ? ' 
 
 ' Outen de pack/ again responded Mr. Wil- 
 liams, making a feeble effort to get up. 
 
 The Rev. Mr. Smith butted his head nine- 
 teen times against the floor with great rapidity 
 and violence, and again inquired, softly : 
 
 ' Wharjer gettum ? ' 
 
 ' Outen de pack. Leggo my kinks/ urged 
 Mr. Williams, still breathing heavily. Again 
 his head was butted violently against the 
 floor until the landlord on the floor above 
 was impressed with the idea that the Club 
 was refreshing itself with a solo on the bass 
 drum. 
 
 ' Whar jer git dem jacks ? ' inquired 
 the Rev. Mr. Smith, emphasizing each word 
 with a double butt. 
 
 ' Outen de ' Here Mr. Williams fal- 
 tered,
 
 ' Wharjer git dcm Jacks ? ' 69 
 
 ' Outen de what ? ' asked the Rev. Mr. 
 Smith, with a temporary cessation of hosti- 
 lities. 
 
 ' De bug/ said Mr. Williams, doggedly. 
 ' Lemme up.' 
 
 The Rev. Mr. Smith unloaded himself from 
 Mr. Williams' abdomen, arose, crossed the 
 room, and possessed himself of the extra cards 
 pinned to the table. 
 
 ' Dis whadjer call de bug ? ' he asked. 
 
 ' Yezzah,' said Mr. Williams, gloomy but 
 respectful. 
 
 The Rev. Mr. Smith assumed his overcoat. 
 Then he replied to Mr. Williams : 
 
 ' Toot, by de prowishuns ob rule sixty-fo' 
 yo' am suspended till de next meetin', an' 
 doan yo' work de bug no mo'. Mistah Cyan- 
 ide Whiffles an' Gus Johnson will now come 
 down ter de s'loon an' rassle wif a sassenger 
 an' some beer.' The Club then adjourned. 
 
 Mr. Williams breathed heavily.
 
 ' TROD SOF'LY, NIGGAHS ' 
 
 IV/TR. TOOTER WILLIAMS opened the 
 first jack-pot with a little hesitation 
 and four white chips, Saturday evening. 
 Deacon Trotline Anguish, who had strayed in 
 under the chaperonage of Mr. Cyanide Whiffles, 
 and who apparently had jacks-up and a very 
 superficial knowledge of Mr. Williams, came in. 
 Mr. Rube Jackson felt a strong temptation to 
 put a plaister on the back of the wall-eyed king 
 he had caught, hold him up with the deuces 
 and try and pull something, but the studied 
 indifference with which Mr. Williams gazed 
 into space made him lay down his hand and 
 wish he were dead., Mr. Cyanide Whiffles
 
 ' Trod sofly, Niggahs ' 71 
 
 borrowed a blue chip from the Deacon ' jess 
 jess till de nex' han',' and came in and kept 
 the change. Then all eyes naturally centred 
 on the Rev. Mr. Thankful Smith, who, in addi- 
 tion to a barricade of chips, which made Mr. 
 Whiffles' mouth water, had a four flush and a 
 cheerfulness of demeanour which boded no 
 good. 
 
 ' Ez my fren' Toot's done open dat j acker,' 
 he began, sweetly, ' I rises hit.' So saying, 
 he put up such a stack of blue chips that Mr. 
 Whiffles nearly fainted. 
 
 ' Whad yo' go do dat for, Brer Thankful ? ' 
 inquired the Deacon, in wild remonstrance, 
 ' Dat's not de speret ob de Gospil.' 
 
 ' Whar whar yo' fin' draw-poker in de 
 Gospil ? ' testily rejoined Mr. Smith. ' Does 
 yo' tink de Possles 'n de 'Vangelists writ de 
 Scripter after rasslin' wid a two-cyard draw 
 agin a flush ? ' he sarcastically inquired. ' No, 
 Brer Anguish. Less ten' ter business. Dis
 
 72 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 haint no prar meetin' ceptin' Brer Williams 
 seems to be on de anxious seat.' 
 
 ' Who who's on de anxious seat ? ' asked 
 Mr. Williams, hotly. ' Yo' jess come on ; I 
 rises yo' fo' dollahs.' 
 
 The Deacon sadly ran over his hand. ' De 
 Gospil, Brer Thankful/ he began ; ' de Gospil.' 
 ' Cheese dat/ said the Rev. Mr. Smith. ' Is 
 yo' goin' ter pray or poke ? ' 
 
 ' I'se gwine ter poke/ he replied ; ' I'se 
 gwine ter see yo' rise ' here he shoved up a 
 stack of blues ' an' Brer Toot's rise '-here 
 he shoved up another stack ' an' I'se gwine 
 ter rise it jest a leetle, 'cordin' ter de speret ob 
 de good Book '-here he shoved up six dollars. 
 Mr. Whiffles fled. 
 
 Mr. Jackson was breathing still, but that 
 was all. 
 
 The Rev. Mr. Smith glared defiance. ' I 
 rise yo' back.' 
 
 ' / rise yo'/ said Mr. Williams.
 
 ' Trod so fly, Niggahs ' 73 
 
 ' An' I rise Toot/ said the Deacon. 
 
 The Rev. Mr. Smith was aghast. He was 
 dealing, and knew by intuition that he would 
 catch his fifth club ; but there was a serenity 
 on the other side of the table which affrighted 
 him. 
 
 ' I jess jess calls/ he said. 
 
 ' I calls/ said Mr. Williams. 
 
 ' Help de genelmen/ said the Deacon with 
 the benevolence which invariably accompanies 
 a pat hand. 
 
 Mr. Williams broke his two pair and drew 
 to his jacks. 
 
 The Rev. Mr. Smith got his club. 
 
 ' Six dollahs/ said the Deacon after Mr. 
 Williams had timidly ventured one chip. 
 
 ' I calls/ said the Rev. Mr. Smith, sullenly. 
 
 ' I rise dat six mo/ said Mr. Williams. 
 
 ' I rise yo' six/ said the Deacon. 
 
 ' I calls/ gasped Mr. Smith, shoving up his 
 last chip and his snuff-box.
 
 74 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 ' Six mo'/ said Mr. Williams. 
 
 ' Six mo',' said the Deacon. 
 
 Mr. Smith shucked off his overcoat and 
 added to it his spectacles. ' I calls/ he said, 
 as though speaking from the tomb. 
 
 ' Six mo'/ said Mr. Williams. 
 
 ' Six mo'/ said the Deacon. 
 
 ' I I haint got nuffin' mo'/ said the Rev. 
 Mr. Smith, faltering. 
 
 1 Shove up dat watch/ said Mr. Williams. 
 
 ' Soak dem new boots/ urged the 
 Deacon. 
 
 ' An' dat golhedded cane/ suggested Mr. 
 Jackson, who of course, however, had no busi- 
 ness to speak, and was accordingly suppressed. 
 
 The Rev. Mr. Smith hesitated. Then he 
 sighed and threw up his hand. To his great 
 astonishment Mr. Williams did the same. The 
 Elder softly hummed a hymn, tried the focal 
 length of Mr. Smith's spectacles, assumed Mr. 
 Smith's ulster, thoughtfully inserted Mr.
 
 76 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 Smith's watch-chain in his vest-pocket, col- 
 lared the bank and counted it, and then, with 
 a cheerful smile at Mr. Williams, left the room. 
 The silence for several minutes was sepulchral. 
 Then Mr. Jackson said : 
 
 ' I'se 'fraid ' 
 
 ' Yo 'se 'fraid ob what ? ' asked the Rev. 
 Mr. Smith, savagely. 
 
 ' Dad Toot's played yoY 
 
 ' Wha whad ? ' gasped Mr. Smith. 
 
 * Dad was a sawbuck,' said Mr. Jackson. 
 
 ' Whad's a sawbuck ? ' 
 
 ' Why, dad pious niggah's Toot 's fust cuzzin 
 -Toot's dad's nevvy,' said Mr. Jackson. 
 
 A light broke upon the Rev. Mr. Smith. 
 ' Dey was risin' an' risin' ter ter knock de 
 tar outen me ? ' he inquired, in a voice which 
 froze Mr. Whiffles' marrow. 
 
 ' Yezzah,' said Mr. Jackson, keeping the 
 table well between them. 
 
 Mr. Smith turned over Mr. Williams' hand.
 
 ' Trod sofly, Niggahs ' 77 
 
 It contained two jacks. He examined the 
 Deacon's. It held just three hearts, a spade 
 and a club. He then re-examined his own 
 flush. It was still perfect. 
 
 ' Niggahs/ he said, with the clamness of 
 despair, ' go out sof'ly, an' lemme alone. I'se 
 been a-prayin' an' a-rasslin' wif Satan now 
 gwine onto thutty-fo' yar, an' dis am de fus' 
 time I done got roped in by de combination 
 er Gospil an' draw. Go out sof'ly, niggahs. 
 I want er rassle wif de dickshunary an' de 
 angel ob wrath er while, an' den git de mos' 
 feasible words an' club I kin fine, ter spress 
 my feelin's ter Brer Toot an' Brer Anguish. 
 Trod sof'ly, niggahs trod out sof'ly.' 
 
 They trod.
 
 ' WHUFFER YO' RISE DAT ? ' 
 
 THE VERY EXTRAORDINARY HAND HELD BY 
 MR. JOHNSON 
 
 ' I ^HE Thompson Street Poker Club had 
 an unusually quiet game, with the luck 
 steadily against Mr. Tooter Williams, until an 
 Unusually tough jack-pot brightened up the 
 interest. Mr. Williams glanced across the 
 table and saw the eyes of Mr. Gus Johnson 
 shining with the light of something very big. 
 
 Mr. Williams passed. 
 
 Mr. Whiffles passed. 
 
 Mr. Johnson opened the pot with a defiant 
 air and forty-six cents in mutilated coin. 
 
 The dealer, Mr. Rube Jackson, came in.
 
 ' Whuffer yo' rise dat ? ' 79 
 
 Mr. Williams promptly raised the bet two 
 punched quarters and a ten-cent stamp. 
 
 ' Whuffer yo' rise dat ? ' asked Mr. Johnson, 
 whom this extraordinary action excited. 
 
 ' Neber yo' mine/ said Mr. Williams, sul- 
 lenly. ' Jess yo' put er shut up dat's all.' 
 
 ' 'Spose Fse got three jacks an' rise you 
 back ? ' suggested Mr. Johnson. 
 
 ' And 'spose I'se got a flisk, eh ? Jess 
 'spose I'se got a flisk, niggah ; whar's yo' three 
 jack eh ? ' Mr. Williams breathed very hard 
 and glared at Mr. Johnson till even that 
 gentleman's vest buttons were cold. 
 
 Mr. Johnson faltered, ran his hand over 
 twice, sized up the pot, and decided he'd 
 ' jess call.' They then proceeded to draw 
 cards. 
 
 Mr. Williams thought he'd play what he 
 had. 
 
 Mr. Johnson drew two cards to three tens 
 and caught a pair of nines. This considerably
 
 80 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 reassured him. He bet thirty cents with the 
 remark : ' Now jess go ahead on dat flisk -jess 
 fool away yo' substance much as yo' choose.' 
 Mr. Williams thoughtfully raised him forty 
 cents and a plug of tobacco. 
 
 Mr. Johnson saw the raise and retaliated 
 by wagering a plated watch-guard and a pair 
 of spectacles, borrowed from the Rev. Thank- 
 ful Smith, who sat behind him. 
 
 Mr. Williams raised back. And so it went 
 until there was nothing left to bet. 
 
 ' Now, niggah,' said Mr. Williams, ' jess 
 show down dem jacks.' 
 
 ' I haint got no jacks,' said Mr. Johnson. 
 * I was lyin'. I had three ten-speckers befo' 
 de draw. Show down yo' flisk ; dat's what / 
 want ter see.' 
 
 ' Well, I haint got no flisk,' said Mr. 
 Williams. 
 
 ' What has yo' got ? Show up yo' 
 straight ? ' demanded Mr. Johnson.
 
 ' Whuffer yd" rise dat ? ' 
 
 8r 
 
 ' Haint got no straight.' 
 
 ' What has yo' got den, niggah ? ' Mr. 
 Johnson was beginning to have his suspicions. 
 
 Mr. Williams slowly and triumphantly 
 skinned out three jacks and a pair of trays. 
 Mr. Johnson rose to leave the room. 
 
 ' I doan mine losen my substance, an' I 
 doan mine a squar' beat ; but I doan draw 
 no mo' cyards agin a liar.' 
 
 THE CI.UB ADJOURNED
 
 THE REV. MR. THANKFUL SMITH DE- 
 LIVERS 'A LECTURE ON 'THE BANKER 
 
 ;HE first lecture of the 
 scientific series an- 
 nounced to be given 
 this winter under the 
 auspices of the Thomp- 
 son Street Poker Club 
 was delivered at the 
 Club's rooms last 
 Saturday evening, by 
 the Chairman, Rev. Mr. Thankful Smith, who 
 announced as his subject ' De Bankah.' 
 
 There were present Messrs. Cyanide Whif- 
 fles, Gus Johnson and Tooter Williams, Pro- 
 fessor Brick and Elder Jubilee Anderson ; and
 
 Rev. Thankful Smith delivers a Lecture 83 
 
 besides these regular members, five highly 
 esteemed citizens of Hoboken, whom Mr. 
 Williams, at the low rate of fifty cents apiece, 
 had consented to steer against the lecture and 
 the subsequent game. 
 
 The minutes of the last meeting were read 
 by the secretary and approved. 
 
 The resolution introduced by Professor 
 Brick, That members who may hereafter offer 
 to blow in opulent relatives at the regular 
 game, shall deposit twenty-five dollars with 
 the treasurer, to partially cover losses and 
 partially as a strong guarantee of good faith, 
 was carried after strong opposition by Mr. 
 Tooter Williams, who voted in the negative. 
 
 The resolution introduced by Mr. Williams 
 to the effect that the dealer should save the 
 valuable time now lost in cutting the cards, 
 by cutting the pack himself, was lost, Mr. 
 Williams alone voting in the affirmative . 
 
 The Rev. Mr. Thankful Smith then resigned
 
 84 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 the chair to Elder Jubilee Anderson and spoke 
 as follows : 
 
 DE BANKAH 
 
 ' Genelmen membahs 'n guesses ob de 
 Thomps'n Street Pokah Club : Endurin' a 
 speeunce ob mo'n thutty yars' razzle wif de 
 noble game, playin' 'em high 'n skinnin' 'em 
 close, penny anta 'n quartah limmick, er go 
 ez yo' dern please 'n sock her fer all she's wuff 
 endurin' dis long speeunce, hit am been my 
 sufferin' priv'lidge ter be mos'ly bankah, 'n 
 dey haint no coon what kin say he didn' git 
 squar' cash fer de beans er de chips jess aftah 
 de lass roun' ob j ackers.' 
 
 ' Dasso,' asseverated Elder Jubilee Ander- 
 son, with fervour, forgetting that he was acting 
 chairman. He then remembered, and with a 
 rap of the gavel called himself to order. 
 
 ' De man wot banks on Wall Street,' con- 
 tinued the reverend gentleman, ' hez got a soff 
 layout, bud de man wot banks in Thomps'n
 
 Rev. Thankful Smith delivers a Lecture 85 
 
 Street hez gotter keep his eye skint. De 
 bankah in pokah haint got no perkintage de 
 perkintage am all agin him.' 
 
 ' How yo' figger dat ? ' inquired Mr. Tooter 
 Williams, with some asperity : ' how yo' figger 
 dat dat's whad I wanter know ? ' 
 
 ' How I figger dat, Tooter ? ' said the re- 
 verend gentleman, sweetly. ' Tree yars ago 
 dar wuz a game yar', 'n I was bankin'. De 
 janiter hed garnisheed de chips. Yo' went 
 out 'n buyed beans doan' yo' membah 
 dat ?' 
 
 ' No, zah,' exclaimed Mr. Williams with 
 warmth ; ' doan membah no sitch thing.' 
 
 ' Yo' buyed de beans, Tooter, 'n I counted 
 out tree hunded 'n thutty-fo' 'n sold em, 'n yo' 
 bought two dollahs' wuff, fohty beans, 'n 
 played fo' hours, 'n lost all de time, 'n den 
 cashed in six dollahs wuff 'n jumped de game, 
 'n den in de wind-up aftah de lass j acker, I hed 
 mo'n eight hunded beans howlin' fer cash, 'n
 
 86 
 
 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 aftah all my big streak o' luck, I fetched up 
 twonny-two dollahs in de hole.' 
 
 ' DE BANKAH ' 
 
 ' 'N what yo' call dat ? ' inquired Mr. Wil- 
 liams, in a voice inclining to war. 
 
 ' Dat, Toot,' replied the lecturer, calmly, 
 ' dat am de perkintage agin de bankah what
 
 Rev. Thankful Smith delivers a Lecture 87 
 
 makes hisse'f 'sponsible agin de man wot's got 
 a numbrellah case full ob beans a dribblin' 
 from he sleeve. Fse got a fam'ly, 'n I kaint 
 feed 'em on beans wot cost twonny-two dollahs 
 de haff pint. Does yo' see de pint, Toot ? ' 
 
 Mr. Williams sniffed contemptuously, but 
 did not vouchsafe a reply. 
 
 ' Some bankahs gin out fresh chips fer de 
 chips wot draps on de flo',' continued the lec- 
 turer. ' Dat's perlite, bud hit doan pay. Cy 
 Whiffles drapped fo' blues 'n two yallers one 
 night, 'n I guv him fo' blues 'n two yallers ter 
 save him de trouble er browsin' down to pick 
 'em up, 'n dat perliteness coss me jess s'teen 
 dollars.' 
 
 ' Didn' didn' yo' find dem chips on de 
 kyarpit aftah de game ? ' queried Mr. Whiffles, 
 who was blushing at the personal turn the 
 lecture had taken. 
 
 ' Nary a blue 'n nary a yaller, Cy/ said the 
 lecturer, sadly but firmly. ' Bud I foun' s'ten
 
 88 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 dollahs' wuff er speeunce. Yo' drapped nine 
 blues 'n six yallers at de next game, didn' yo' ? ' 
 
 ' Yessah,' faltered Mr. Whiffles. 
 
 "N yo' didn' git no fresh one from de bank ?' 
 
 1 Nozah.' 
 
 The reverend gentleman here slowly closed 
 one eye, and regarded Mr. Whiffles' blushes for 
 several moments, and then resumed : 
 
 ' Wen I'm bankah, I haint no Jay Gool, nor 
 I haint no Vanderbilk, nor I haint no Kem- 
 mikle Bank, 'n wen a player says, " Gimme 
 another stake," er " pass ovah ten mo' blues," 
 er " pud me down fer twonny mo'," er " I'll 
 owe yer fohty fer two minnits," I jess gaze him 
 squar' in de eye, 'n my deefness troubles me 
 powerful. I kin be de deefess man dis side er 
 Rally mezoo wen any man wants ter borry. 
 De Wall Street bankah makes he money lend- 
 in', bud de same rule's got lame tryin' de dodge 
 in Thomps'n Street Pokah.' 
 
 ' Am de bankah 'sponsible fer all de chips ? '
 
 Rev. Thankful Smith delivers a Lecture 89 
 
 queried Mr. Gus Johnson, who was not ani- 
 mated by any particular desire for information 
 on this point, but wished to show that he took 
 an interest in the lecture. 
 
 ' De bankah am/ retorted the Rev. Mr. 
 Smith. 
 
 ' An' who am 'sponsible fer de bankah ? ' 
 interrupted Mr. Tooter Williams, who then 
 laughed immoderately at his own joke. 
 
 The lecturer fixed a cold and fishy eye upon 
 Mr. Williams. 
 
 ' Dat's de darkess mistry in nater, Toot, ' 
 said he, impressively ; ' 'n de lass time yo' 
 banked, five coons went inter mo'nin' 'n dey've 
 been in mo'nin' ever since, tryin' ter find out 
 who was 'sponsible fer yo' bankin'.' 
 
 ' Dat's a lie ! ' shouted Mr. Williams, 
 aggressively. 
 
 ' Wen a man banks,' continued the reverend 
 gentleman, ' 'n de players blow in good chicken 
 feed agin chips 'n den de bankah starts in 'n
 
 AN* WHO AM 'SPONSIBLE FER DE BANKAH^?
 
 THE LECTURER FIXED A COLD AND FISHY EYE UPON MR. WILLIAMS
 
 92 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 whoops her up, 'n hists de limmick, 'n strag- 
 gles, 'n plays kilter, 'n fires in all de chips 'n all 
 de money in j ackers, 'n den says, " Jess leave 
 me out one hand wile I goes down fer sas- 
 sengers fer de gang," 'n den fergits ter come 
 back, 'n is next heerd from, sashayin' aroun' in 
 Newark er Weehawken dat bankah's got 
 ter be chained up befo' I parse aroun' de aces 
 wif him agin.' 
 
 Mr. Williams subsided. 
 
 ' De bess bankah am de bank. Git a cigyah 
 box, chuck in de wads, kyount out de chips, 'n 
 keep de box up on de top shelf, where no nig- 
 gah wif a long reach kin fool with it. Let de 
 bankah buy his chips, 'n no borryin'. Splits 
 only kyount naff in de cash up.' 
 
 ' Splits ? ' queried Professor Brick. 
 
 ' Yezzah, splits. One night Gus Johnsing 
 dar hed a razzer 'n a ball a bluin', 'n we was 
 playin' wif papah chips, 'n he split 'em 'n blued 
 de raw side, 'n he'd er cashed in mo'n fohty dol-
 
 Rev. Thankful Smith delivers a Lecture 93 
 
 lahs ef I hadn' drapped. Dat so, Johnsing ? ' 
 
 ' Yezzah,' said Mr. Johnson, gloomily. 
 
 ' I drapped, didn' I ? ' 
 
 ' Yezzah.' 
 
 ' Let de bank keep hisse'f/ said the 
 reverend gentleman in conclusion. ' See dat 
 yo' money is in, 'n yo' naybers' money 
 specially yo' naybers'. Let no man cash in 
 twill de wind up.' 
 
 ' Why's dat ? ' inquired Mr. Williams, 
 rising. 
 
 ' Didn' yo' cash in thutty-fo' dollahs dat 
 night wen yo' said yo' doctah said yo' had 
 small pox 'n kuddent stay up later'n one 
 o'clock ? ' 
 
 ' Yezzah/ said Mr. Williams. ' 'N I was 
 troubled in me stummick.' 
 
 ' Yo'd been mo' troubled in yo' stummick ef 
 I kud have seen yo' later. Twonny-eight 
 dollahs ob dem chips come from de pond- 
 brokah's aroun' de cornder.'
 
 94 
 
 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 Mr. Williams sat down. 
 
 ' Fse been thutty-fo' yars bankin',' said the 
 Rev. Mr. Smith, ' 'n I'se jess got my eye 
 teeth cut sose I know bettah. I'se quit 
 
 ' DIDN' YO' CASH IN THUTTY-FO' DOLLAHS DAT NIGHT ? ' 
 
 bankin'. I'se smoked in a powder house, 'n 
 I'se druv a dynamike kyart wif skittish mules 
 in Pennsylvany, but bankin' at pokahis triflin' 
 wif Providince, Rhode Island. De next 
 lesson'll be on De Bline, Straggle 'n Lim-
 
 Rev. Thankful Smith delivers a Lecture 95 
 
 mick', by Perfesser Brick, 'n suckahs from 
 Hoboken'll be admitted free on payment of 
 haff a dollah.' 
 
 The Club then went into executive session.
 
 PROFESSOR BRICK EXPOUNDS ' DE 
 BLINE, STRAGGLE 'N LIMMICK ' 
 
 HE second lecture of the 
 scientific series was de- 
 livered last Saturday 
 evening by Professor 
 Brick, at the rooms of 
 the Thompson Street 
 Poker Club, the Rev. 
 Mr. Thankful Smith in 
 the chair. Present were 
 Mr. Tooter \Yilliams, 
 Elder Jubilee Anderson, 
 Mr. Cyanide Whiffles 
 
 and Mr - Gus J hnson - 
 
 Seven gentlemen from 
 Weehawken were admitted by courtesy, upon
 
 Professor Brick Expounds 97 
 
 payment of fifty cents each. The Club was 
 called to order at 8.15 P.M. 
 
 The reading of the minutes of the last 
 meeting was dispensed with upon motion of 
 Mr. Whiffles, as the secretary had forgotten to 
 take any notes. 
 
 The report of the House Committee, to the 
 effect that the janitor had declined to fill the 
 lamps until the last kerosene bill had been 
 paid, was read and approved. 
 
 The name of Judge Montgomery Zerubabel 
 Wax, of Jersey City, proposed for membership 
 by Mr. Tooter Williams, was referred back by 
 the Governing Committee, with a request that 
 the following points be considered : First, that 
 the nomination had not been seconded, as 
 required by Paragraph V., Article 21, Section 
 XVI., of the Constitution ; and, second, that 
 the Committee had ascertained that Judge 
 Wax was not a judge of anything but Jersey 
 whisky, and had had but little recent oppor- 
 
 G
 
 f>8 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 tunity to judge that, as he had just been 
 released from a two years' engagement at Sing 
 Sing, whither he had been sent for borrowing a 
 stove said to have been the property of an 
 entire stranger. Under these circumstances 
 the Governing Committee had been placed 
 in doubt. 
 
 Mr. Williams rose to a question of privilege. 
 He moved that his friend be unanimously 
 elected by a suspension of the rules. As to 
 that stove incident, he was certain that either 
 a habeas corpus or an alibi could be proven. 
 
 The motion was lost, Mr. Williams alone 
 voting in the affirmative. He then begged to 
 be allowed to withdraw the Judge's name, and 
 by unanimous consent the application was 
 granted. 
 
 Professor Brick then advanced to the rostrum 
 and, announcing his subject, spoke as follows : 
 
 ' De study ob de Bline am psychylogum- 
 cholly nex ter de study ob de Straggle, 'n bofe
 
 Professor Brick Expounds 
 
 99 
 
 am proximus ter de study ob de Limmick. 
 
 1 De Bline am chips called de Ante, 'n am 
 
 shoved up befo' de kyards am parsed roun' 
 
 PROFESSOR BRICK EXPOUNDS 
 
 'n befo' de bline man sees he's got tree jacks, 
 fo' fo's er a bobtail. Some mokes kinder fergit
 
 ioo The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 ter put up be bline till aftah dey has squint at 
 deskin, 'ndenef dey has trees dey shoves up 
 haff de limmick, 'n on two par shoves up 
 quartah de limmick, 'n on one par a fo'th de 
 limmick, 'n on a nace high doan shove up no 
 bline ceptin ' dey kin borry chips handy. -I 
 doan name no names, but I see Gus Johnson 
 squirmin' oneasy in he char.' 
 
 All eyes were turned upon Mr. Johnson, 
 who coloured violently, but pretended to be 
 absorbed in reflection. 
 
 ' Some niggahs bleeve in whoopin' up de 
 bline continuous, 'n rises hit, bad luck er good 
 luck,' continued the Professor. 
 
 ' Now, whad's de good in dat ? Sposen de 
 reg'lar bline am a quartah, 'n yo' hasn't hed 
 nuffin' ceptin' bobtails 'n kilters fer two hours. 
 Will a doll ah bline work a mirrykle 'n brung 
 yo' fo' naces ? Am a two dollah bline gwinter 
 coax tree jacks 'n a par outen de pack ? ' 
 
 ' Dad's what I bleeve/ interrupted Mr.
 
 Professor Brick Expounds 101 
 
 Tooter Williams, ' fo'ce de luck, 'n fo'ce her 
 hard.' 
 
 ' Fo'ce nuffin ! ' retorted the lecturer, with 
 some warmth. ' Yo' fo'ced de luck at de lass 
 meetin', yo' did yass, yo' did ! 'n yo' went 
 bline a dollah 'n straggled two dollahs, 'n ef 
 I hedn't got yo' overcoat outen soak 'n loan 
 yo' tree dollahs, yo'd have et yo' C'rissmuss 
 tukky in de po' house. Doan talk ter me 
 about fo'cin'.' 
 
 Mr. Williams muttered something relevant 
 to seeing the lecturer outside, and then folded 
 his arms defiantly, and glowered upon him. 
 
 ' De bess way,' continued the Professor, 
 calmly, ' am ter make de bline humble 'n keep 
 her down sperrited.' 
 
 'N den sposen yo' gits in a pat strake ? ' 
 suggested Mr. Whiffles . 
 
 ' Rise her,' said the professor. ' Aftah de 
 suckahs hez come in on de meek an' lowly 
 bline, give her a jintle histe, boost her up,
 
 102 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 kinder stimmylate her wif a dollah. Den de 
 niggah wif a kipple o' squeens, he comb 'em 
 over 'n sorts 'em out 'n says kinder soffly ter 
 hisse'f, " well, I'se stuck fer a quartah, 'n 
 I mout ketch another squeen, 'n I kaint 
 drap now, befo' de draw," 'nhe comes in fer a 
 dollah. Den de coon wif de bobtail frisk, he 
 sends a dollah ter help de quartah hes blew 
 in, 'n de moke wif two par, he goes a dollah, 
 'n dar yo' is.' 
 
 'N sposen,' inquired Mr. Whiffles, ' sposen 
 de flisk 'n de two par fill ? ' 
 
 ' W'y den,' asseverated the Professor, ' de 
 moke wif de flisk'll bet de limmick, er play 
 coony 'n bet a chip, 'n de full niggah'll draw 
 he breff hard 'n rise a dollah, 'n yo'll know 
 de red flag's out, 'n git onto de side track.' 
 
 ' Jesso,' murmured Elder Jubilee Anderson, 
 who had recently been there. 
 
 ' Keep de bline down ter po' house riggers, 
 'n den all de fools kin cum in, 'n of yo doan
 
 Professor Brick Expounds 103 
 
 find nuffin' in yo' own han', wizzle yo' pet 
 hymn 'n dror fo' kyards 'n hit haint coss much, 
 but ef yo' find tree kinks er a flisk, yo' kin 
 rise her de limmick.' 
 
 ' How much did yo' win at pokah lass 
 yeah ? ' sarcastically inquired Mr. Williams, 
 rising. 
 
 ' Not kyountin' tree hunded 'n s'teen dol- 
 lahs' wuff er yo' papah, wot I tuk at pah/ re- 
 joined the Professor, ' I'se 'bout thutty-six 
 dollah out. Wen yo' gits crazy 'n fergits 
 yose'f 'n pays up, I'll be mo'n two hundred in. 
 I'll jess call it thutty-six out, Tooter.' 
 
 Mr. Williams sat down. 
 
 ' De straggle am only good wen yo' wanter 
 crowd de mo'ners 'n hog de aige. Doan 
 straggle 'ceptin' yo' am de pet chile o' calamity 
 'n feels yo' power a comin'. De straggle doan 
 give no aige aftah de dror. Wen yo' makes up 
 yo' mine ter straggle, make up yo' mine to 
 histe her de limmick aftah de dror, take two
 
 104 The Thompson Street Pokey Club 
 
 kyards, look fierce 'n bet de limmick. I never 
 straggle 'ceptin' Fse fairly bilious wif luck, 'n 
 de mo'ners am skittish. De man wot 
 straggles wen he luck am weak 'n de back, is a 
 man wot '11 be fust ter borry chips an last ter 
 pay' em. Doan straggle, niggahs.' 
 
 At this juncture the lecturer paused, waved 
 his hand to the audience as a signal that they 
 might converse for a few moments, and discuss 
 the weighty matters he had laid before them, 
 and proceeded to refresh himself with a glass of 
 milk, which he had previously placed upon the 
 rostrum, and with a triangle of pie which he 
 extracted from his coat-tail pocket. Then he 
 continued as follows : 
 
 ' De mattah ob de limmick am mo' seeryus, 
 De limmick shud be ten times de ante at de 
 leastest, 'n bettah twonny times de ante. 
 Quartan ante 'n half dollah limmick am good 
 chucky-lucky but po' pokah. Ten cent ante 
 'n two dollah limmick '11 give a niggah all de
 
 io6 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 chance ter lose he wants. Ten cent ante 'n 
 five dollah limmick's de game I hopes ter play 
 aftah Gabril toots he ho'n, 'n we'll all be 
 Vanderbilks. Wen de limmik 'n de ante am 
 fixed, doan let no niggah rise her. Wen some 
 mokes git tree dollahs ter de bad, dey wunts 
 ter rise de limmick, 'n den hard feelin's 'n bad 
 papah begin ter git in cirkylashin. Dat's all 
 I'se got ter say.' 
 
 ' Befo' dis lectur closes,' observed Mr. 
 Williams, rising with hauteur and holding his 
 left hand in such a manner that his amethyst 
 ring showed to best advantage, ' I wanter 
 know did de Perfesser mean ter spress any 
 doubts ob my honah in de remarks 'bout de 
 triflin' bits ob papah I hez out. Dat's whad I 
 wanter know.' 
 
 ' I didn' say nufnn' 'bout yo' honah, Toot,' 
 explained the Professor, sweetly. ' I said dat 
 I had tree bunded 'n s'teen dollahs' wuff er yo' 
 I. O. U.'s,'n I'se held 'em fer fo'teen mumfs, 'n
 
 Professor Brick Expounds 
 
 107 
 
 yo' seem willin' I shud hole 'em fer fo'teen mo'. 
 Ef yo' honah's sensitive, Toot, I'll sell de hull 
 lot ter yo' fer tree dollahs.' 
 
 ' I'LL SELL DE HULL LOT TER YO' FER TREE DOLLAHS ' 
 
 ' I I gess ef yo' means ter doubt my 
 honah ' began Mr. \Yilliams, hotly.
 
 io8 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 ' Am dat tree dollah offer a go ? ' queried 
 the Professor. 
 
 ' I doan 'low no coon ter doubt my honah,' 
 said Mr. Williams, glaring upon the assemblage. 
 
 ' I'll sell 'em for two dollahs,' said the 
 Professor. 
 
 ' De honah ob a genelman 
 
 ' Gimme a dollah, 'n de hull batch am 
 yo'n,' said the Professor. 
 
 ' I'll fight ter de lass gasp fer my honah,' 
 said Mr. \Yilliams. 
 
 ' Haff a dollah,' said the Professor, holding 
 up the notes in question. 
 
 ' Ef ef yo' didn' mean nurnn' agin my 
 honah,' said Mr. Williams, ' yo' 'pollygy 
 am 'copied.' 
 
 Here the gavel fell ; the chairman an- 
 nounced that the next lecture would be by 
 
 +/ 
 
 Elder Jubilee Anderson on ' Mirrykles in de 
 Dror,' and the Club adjourned to put the 
 Professor's theory into practice.
 
 ELDER JUBILEE ANDERSON DELIVERS A 
 LECTURE ON ' MIRRYKLES IN DE 
 DROR' 
 
 'HE third lecture 
 of the scientific 
 series at the 
 Thompson Street 
 Poker Club was 
 delivered by 
 Elder Jubilee 
 Anderson, last 
 Saturday even- 
 ing. There were present Professor Brick, 
 Messrs. Tooter Williams, Gus Johnson and 
 Cyanide Whiffles, and the Rev. Mr. Thankful 
 Smith, who occupied the chair. There were 
 also^present four invited guests, who had paid 
 
 1(1!)
 
 no The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 fifty cents apiece, and became hereby el'gible 
 to receive the Club's hospitality. 
 
 The minutes of the last meeting were read 
 and approved. Mr. Tooter Williams, of Special 
 Committee, reported that in accordance with 
 instructions he had consulted a legal adviser, 
 who informed him that by only one process of 
 law could the Club recover its chips from the 
 janitor, who held them in garnishee for nine 
 dollars rent. 
 
 Professor Brick rose to a question of 
 privilege : 
 
 ' Ken de hon'ble genelman tole the Club 
 whad prossis ob law dat am ? ' 
 
 ' Cern'ly,' replied Mr. Williams, affably. 
 ' Pay de bill.' 
 
 Professor Brick sat down. 
 
 Mr. Cyanide Whiffles arose with some 
 excitement. Had Mr. Williams any objection 
 to naming the eminent legal adviser whom he 
 had consulted ?
 
 Jubilee Anderson delivers a Lecture in 
 
 Mr. Williams, proudly, had none. He had 
 not gone to cheap and worthless sources of 
 information. He had consulted no less an 
 
 DE MIRRYKLES OB DE DROR 
 
 UtL .MLKKY r^LliS ULi JJE- LIKUK 
 
 authority upon jurisprudence than the gentle- 
 man who regulates the domestic economy of
 
 112 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 Mr. Delancey Nicoll's house. Was Mr. 
 Whiffles satisfied ? 
 
 Mr. Whiffles was. 
 
 Mr. Gus Johnson moved that the Club allow 
 the chips to remain in garnishee until the 
 nine dollars was paid, and the motion was 
 unanimously carried. 
 
 There being no further business before the 
 Club, Elder Jubilee Anderson advanced to the 
 rostrum and spoke as follows : 
 
 ' DE MIRRYKLES OB DE DROR. 
 
 ' When de profit Mosis, he done grew weary 
 chasin' de pillows ob smoke in de desert ob 
 Sary Hary, 'n he 'n King Faro- 
 Mr. Williams rose to a question of privilege. 
 Was this a poker lecture or a Salvation Army 
 address ? He did not think the invited guests 
 had paid their half dollars to get their salva- 
 tions repaired, but rather to 
 
 ' Ordah ! ' The gavel fell, and Mr. Williams 
 sat down. ' De hon'ble genelman '11 kern-
 
 Jubilee Anderson delivers a Lecture 113 
 
 fine hisse'f ter pokah 'n not blow in gospil.' 
 Thus the chair. 
 
 The Elder, thus admonished, folded the first 
 nine pages of his address, inserted them in his 
 left coat-tail pocket, and somewhat nervously 
 resumed. 
 
 ' Dey is no mo' mirrykles in dese yar sinful 
 days, 'ceptin' de mirrykles in pokah/ 
 
 ' Jesso,' echoed Professor Brick. 
 
 ' I was playin' ten dollahs froze-out wif 
 Mistah Willyums last Choosdah,' continued the 
 lecturer, ' 'n I had fo' -eight speckers in de deal, 
 'n Toot he didn' have nuffin', 'n I drored one 
 kyard, 'n Tooter he drored fo' kyards, 'n he lay 
 a down juce on de table, jess so, 'n he sez, 
 sezee, " I kin jess dror like a chimly wif juces," 
 'n I cotch a juce in de dror, 'n Toot, he comb 
 over he fo' kyards 'n bet a quartah, 'n I rise 
 him a dollah, 'n he rised me back a quartah, 'n 
 I rise him five dollahs, 'n he skin he han' agin 
 
 'n rise a quartah mo', 'n I shoves up my lass 
 
 H
 
 H4 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 chip, 'n he calls, 'n den I shows up de fo'-cight 
 speckers 'n de juce, 'n Toot he skun out fo' 
 squeens.' 
 
 A murmur of wonder ran through the room. 
 Then the Rev. Mr. Thankful Smith reflectively 
 inquired : 
 
 ' Who doled de han' ? ' 
 
 ' Ibe jeck ! ' excitedly exclaimed Mr. 
 Williams. 
 
 ' Toot/ sweetly remarked the chairman, 
 ' dat inf o'mation am nessary ter know de size 
 ob de mirrykle. Who doled de kyards ? ' 
 
 ' Mistah Willyums/ said the lecturer. 
 
 ' No mirrykle/ said the chairman. 
 
 ' Whuffer yo' say dat ? ' hotly demanded 
 Mr. Williams. ' Kint a genelman win squar 
 on he own deal ? ' 
 
 ' Yezzah/ replied the Rev. Thankful Smith, 
 courteously. ' A genelman kin win on he deal, 
 'n he kin lose on he deal, bud when de only 
 mirrykles ob de dror happens when he's fin-
 
 Jubilee Anderson delivers a Lecture 115 
 
 gered de pack, 'n wen all de mirrykles am glued 
 ter his side ob de table fer keeps, Prov'dence 
 am gittin' too lop-sided dat's all.' 
 
 Mr. Williams breathed heavily for several 
 minutes, but made no reply. 
 
 ' Mirrykles,' continued the lecturer, ' am mo' 
 apt ter happen wen de lass roun' ob j ackers is 
 passin'. Wen I'se opened a packer wif two 
 par, naces up, 'n one coon he draps in 'n drors 
 fo' kyards, 'n anothah moke he say he'll fo'ce 
 he luck 'n dror five kyards, 'n de othah 
 mahog'ny genelman say he doan speck nuffin' 
 but jess fer fun he'll make her lively 'n dror 
 two kyards, 'n de cullerd suckah nex' ter me, 
 he say he doan keer fer he chips, 'n puts up 'n 
 wants tree kyards den I feels dat sorter 
 shiver in de toes wat means dat dars gwineter 
 be fo' er five mirrykles out, 'n I lies low.' 
 
 ' K'rect ! ' remarked Prof. Brick, approv- 
 ingly, and Mr. Gus Johnson applauded. 
 
 ' Whad I wanter know;,' respectfully
 
 n6 
 
 inquired Mr. Cyanide Whiffles, ' am whedder 
 mirrykles am apt ter happen mo'n once in a 
 game ? ' 
 
 ' Dat am de onsartinest thing vvhad kin be 
 speeunced,' replied the lecturer. ' De mir- 
 rykle ' 
 
 ' De mirrykle,' interrupted the chair, acting 
 under Rule XIX., Article 31 of the Bye-Laws ; 
 ' de mirrykle am de leastest apt ter happen 
 wen I'm in de game, 'n got my boodle in de 
 pot, 'n de othah coons knows how spry I kin be 
 in a mix-up wif a razzer. Bud ef Brer Tooter 
 'n Brer Cyanide is pokin wif tree \Yeehawkin 
 barbahs on two-dollah Hinmick, a j'ar crap ob 
 mirrykles might be 'spected jess as long ez de 
 barbahs kud 'strain hard feelin's 'n pud up de 
 cash.' 
 
 ' Didjer meanter say - ? ' began Mr. Wil- 
 liams in a voice of war. 
 
 ' I mentter say, Toot,' sweetly rejoined the 
 chairman, ' dat dey is mo' moanin' in barbah
 
 n8 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 suckles in Weehawkin since yo' 'n Cy Whiffles 
 got ter drappin' over Sunday fer a fren'ly 
 game, dan sence Black Friday struck dis town, 
 
 Tin; CLUB THEN WENT INTO EXECUTIVE SESSION 
 
 'n mo' talk 'bout mirrykles dan dey was befo' 
 de Flood.' 
 
 ' Ef Cy an' me doan play squar, I'll 
 ' 'Strain yose'f, Toot,' gently said the chair- 
 man. ' Jess so long ez 3-0' mirrykles is wukked
 
 Jubilee Anderson delivers a Lecture II Q 
 
 in Weehawkin, an' ef de barbahs kin stan' it, / 
 kin. Bud wen mo'n one mirrykle draps inter 
 a game whar I'se keepin' my own feelin's on 
 tap, dar's gwine ter be a namberlance call in 
 live minnits. Once in fo'teen monts a man kin 
 dror fo' squeens ter a juce in a j acker on he 
 deal, 'n I won't say nuffin', bud dat fernomynon 
 bed bettah be as seldom ez a six-tailed comic 
 in de sky. Dat's all. Eldah fub'lee 'II quit 
 dis yar ledev. He doan understan' he sub- 
 jeck. Dey haint no mirrykles in pokah, 
 'ceptin' wen a man doan keep he eye skint. 
 Dad's all. At de nex' meetin', Brer Johnson 
 '11 lecter on Bobtail Strakes 'n Flisks, wif 
 some remarks on Holdin' up Siders.' 
 
 The Club then went into executive session.
 
 MR. GUS JOHNSON LECTURES ON BOB- 
 TAILED STRAIGHTS, FLUSHES AND 
 SIDERS 
 
 R. GUS JOHN- 
 SON'S debut 
 as a lecturer 
 drew nine emi- 
 nent citizens 
 of Hoboken to 
 the meeting of 
 the Thompson 
 Street Poker 
 Club last Sat- 
 urday evening. 
 
 Seven paid the full admission fee, under the 
 privilege accorded invited guests by Section 
 XLVI., Article 26 of the Bye-Laws, one was 
 
 130
 
 Gtis Johnson on Bob-tailed Straights 121 
 
 adm.tted on payment of twenty-seven cents, 
 as he only had thirty about his clothes, and 
 needed three with which to get back to Hobo- 
 ken ; and one, who had formerly been Mr. 
 Johnson's silent partner in an extensive kalso- 
 mining contract, was admitted on that gentle- 
 man's note of hand, payable in thirty days and 
 indorsed by Elder Jubilee Anderson. 
 
 There \vere also present Professor Brick, 
 Messrs. Cyanide Whiffles and Tooter Williams, 
 the Elder and the Rev. Mr. Thankful Smith, 
 who as usual occupied the chair. 
 
 The reading of the minutes of the last meet- 
 ing was dispensed with upon motion of the 
 secretary, who had inadvertently left them at 
 home in his other pants. 
 
 Notice was given by Professor Brick that at 
 the next meeting he proposed to introduce an 
 amendment to the constitution, providing for 
 the payment of I.O.U's. He thought that if 
 the treasurer assumed charge of these tokens,
 
 122 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 and prosecuted their signers with due diligence 
 both the financial condition and happiness of 
 many members would be materially advanced. 
 
 Mr. Tooter Williams rose to a question of 
 privilege. Did the honourable gentleman 
 intend to be personal in this proposition ? 
 
 The Professor denied any special reference 
 to any member present. 
 
 ' Den whuffer yo' gaze me straight in de yi 
 fer ? ' belligerently inquired Mr. Williams. 
 ' Yass, yo' did ! gaze me straight in de yi, yo' 
 did, 'n whuffer yo' do dat ? ' 
 
 ' Cotter gaze at somebody, hezn't I ? ' 
 queried the Professor, evasively. 
 
 ' 'N sposen I hez got papah out ? ' pursued 
 Mr. Williams, indignantly appealing to the 
 company at large. ' Sposen de Kemmikle 
 Bank's got papah out ? Didjer spose me er 
 Astah er Vanderbilk er Jay Cool's gotter kerry 
 wads all de time, 'n 
 
 ' Ordah ! ' ruled the chair.
 
 Gus Johnson on Bob-tailed Straights 123 
 
 ' Kint I spoke fer my credick ? ' yelled Mr. 
 Williams. 
 
 ' Too big a contrack fer dis evening Toot/ 
 
 ' DEN WUia-'EK YO' GAZE ME STRAIGHT IN DE YI ? ' 
 
 suavely remarked the chairman. ' S'mother 
 evenin'. De chair rules dat Mistah Willyums 
 am outen ordah. 'n de JPerfesser '11 wifdraw he
 
 124 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 motion. De trasherer says he haint no clarin' 
 house, 'n ef he hed ter live on de perkintage 
 ob draffs c'lected from Tooter, he'd run hisse'f 
 bar'foot in twonny-fo' hours, 'n be de cham- 
 peen livin' skellington in de kentry in lessen 
 fo' weeks.' 
 
 Mr. Williams glowered upon the Professor, 
 and murmured something relevant to seeing 
 him later, and both sat down. 
 
 Mr. Gus Johnson then mounted the plat- 
 form, and, announcing as his subject ' Bobtail 
 Strakes, Flisks 'n Siders,' spoke as follows : 
 
 ' De niggah dat'll wade in agin one man, 
 wen all he's got's a strake busted wide open in 
 de miggle, am a niggah dat's boun' ter froff at 
 de mouf, 'n go up ter spen' he lass days at de 
 'Sylum in a strake-jacket befo' punkin sea- 
 sin'.' 
 
 " Dasso ! ' murmured Elder Jubilee Ander- 
 son, with fervour. 
 
 ' De coon dat allers draws ter miggle strakes
 
 Gus Johnson on Bob-tailed Straights 125 
 
 in a j acker/ pursued the lecturer, ' am got his 
 troo ticket fer cle po' house, 'n he moke whad 
 
 MR. GUS JOHNSON 
 
 gits glistenin' in de yi wen he combs fo' clubs 
 outen he hand, 'n pays tree dollahs fer a 
 chance ter lish fer cle odder club, wif only two
 
 126 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 playin' agin him, haint never gwineter die 
 from gittin' tired cuttin' coupons wen he gets 
 ter be Cy Fiel's age.' 
 
 ' Haint dar no 'ceptions ter dat rule ? ' sar- 
 castically inquired Mr. Williams. ' Dat's 
 whad I wanter know.' 
 
 ' De 'ception in yo' case/ rejoined Mr. 
 Johnson, with a dignity which befitted his 
 position, ' am when yo' am dealin'.' 
 
 ' Whad yo' mean by dat insulk ? ' hotly 
 demanded Mr. Williams. 
 , ' Dat's no insulk,' replied Mr. Johnson. 
 ' Dat's complimentin' yo' skyence. Lass game 
 we played, me 'n Cy Whiffles kyounted, 'n yo 
 drored ter thutty-tree strakes 'n flisks 'n fulled 
 twonny-fo', 'n twonny-one whad yo' fulled 
 wuz on yo' own deal.' 
 
 ' 'Deed, dat's a fack ! ' corroborated Mr. 
 Whiffles. 
 
 Mr. Williams sat down. 
 
 ' De perkintage in bobtails am oleben 'n
 
 Gus Johnson on Bob-tailed Straights 127 
 
 tree fo'ths ter one agin fullin' a strake in de 
 miggle, 'n seben ter one agin fullin' a double 
 ender strake, 'n five 'n haff ter one agin fullin' 
 a flisk, 'n in a tree-handed game dat's wuss 
 perkintage than in chucky-lucky.' 
 
 ' Didn' I full dat strake agin yo', playin' 
 freeze-out, C'rissmuss ? ' inquired Mr. Cyanide 
 Whiffles, respectfully. 
 
 ' Yass, yo' did, 'n wen yo' did, didn' I full 
 dat two par squeens up, 'n wipe yo' up wif'de 
 flo' ? ' rejoined the lecturer. 
 
 ' Yessah,' gloomily responded Mr. Whiffles. 
 
 ' Didn' yo' go home wifout yo' ovahcote ? ' 
 continued Mr. Johnson. 
 
 ' 'Deed, I did. Got dat coif yit what I 
 cotched,' assented Mr. Whiffles, still more 
 gloomily, resuming his seat with the air of a 
 man who was convinced he had made a 
 mistake. 
 
 ' De fact am plain ez a freckled merlatter/ 
 continued the lecturer, ' dat strakes 'n flisks
 
 128 
 
 am mo' onreliable dan a mewl in flytime. I 
 kyounted once, jess fer fun, 'n I foun' dat I 
 spent s'teen dollahs 'n a half drorin' ter 
 strakes befo' I done got holt er my luck, 'n 
 wen I cotched her, 'n bet one chip ez a coaxer, 
 Toot Willyums, he sez, sezee, " Gus," sezee, 
 " yo'sgot too much glimmer in yo' yi, 'n I'll 
 jess jess call dat chip," sezee.' (Laughter, in 
 which Mr. Williams heartily joined.) 'N I 
 onny winned sixty-fo' cents.' 
 
 ' Dasso. Saw dat myse'f,' asseverated 
 Professor Brick. 
 
 ' De morrul is,' said the lecturer, ' wen yo's 
 far'ly wallerin' in luck, 'n trees 'n two-par 'n 
 patseys is a comin' reglar, 'n yo' hez a stacker 
 blues higher 'n Trinicky chu'ch, den yo' kin 
 whoop up de game on bobtails 'n miggle 
 strakes ; bud wen de luck's limpin' erlong, 
 carryin' one foot free, 'n yo's bin sittin' wif 
 de mo'ners fer fo' hours, dribblin' out yo' sub- 
 stance, 'n haint got mo'n one blue 'n tree reds
 
 Gns Johnson on Bob-tailed Straights 129 
 
 'n nine whites leff, 'n yo' Waterberry's bruk, 'n 
 all de odder niggahs is jumpin' onto yo' wif 
 bofe feet, wy den I 'vises yo' ter leave strakes 
 'n flisks, 'n kinder loaf 'n took her easy, 'n milk 
 yo' pile caffle, 'n go slow ontil tree kinks er a 
 patsey slides in. Focin' de luck on strakes 'n 
 flisks am buckin' agin a buckick shop yo' kin 
 lose, bud yo' kaint win.' 
 
 ' Jesso ! Hallylujy ! dat's de troof ! ' exci- 
 tedly exclaimed the Elder, who forgot himself 
 in his enthusiasm, and was called to order. 
 
 ' De man whad plays miggle strakes '11 play 
 siders. Sposen a niggah's got a par ob juces 'n 
 a nace befo' de dror. He sez ter hese'f, sezee, 
 (t I'll jess hole up disyar nace ez a sider, 'n ef I 
 cotch a nace, I'll lamm beeswax outen de 
 odder mokes," sezee. Dat's triflin' wif Prov'- 
 dence.' 
 
 ' Haint bullicks up good ? ' queried Mr. 
 Williams. 
 
 ' Not wen yo's in de game, Toot,' was the 
 
 I
 
 130 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 soft reply. ' Wen yo's in, focin' yo' luck, de 
 onny sider I'll hole up am tree bullicks 'n a par. 
 Didn' I cotch bullicks up in dat lass j acker 
 de odder night, 'n didn' yo' rise me so's I'd 
 hafter walk home wifout my close ef I'd 
 called yo' ? ' 
 
 ' Yass,' chuckled Mr. Williams, ' 'n whad 
 jer 'spose I made dat bluff on ? ' 
 
 ' Fo' jacks ? ' said Mr. Johnson. 
 
 ' Fo' gran'modders,' retorted Mr. Williams, 
 with scorn. ' I done skun yo' outen dat pot on 
 a Nirish full.' 
 
 ' 'N whad's a Nirish full ? ' asked Mr. 
 Johnson. 
 
 ' Tree hearts 'n a pair o' clubs,' said Mr. 
 Williams, with a hoarse laugh. 
 
 Mr. Johnson swooned. 
 
 The chair then announced that the next 
 lecture would be delivered by Mr. Cyanide 
 Whiffles, on ' De Kitty 'n Jackers,' and the 
 Club adjourned.
 
 MR. CYANIDE WHIFFLES LECTURES ON 
 ' DE KITTY 'N JACKERS ' 
 
 R. CYANIDE 
 WHIFFLES 
 
 was disappoint- 
 ed at the meagre 
 attendance of 
 invited guests at 
 the Thompson 
 Street Poker 
 Club last Satur- 
 day evening, on 
 the occasion of his lecture. The regular mem- 
 bers showed up, however, in force, there being 
 present Messrs. Tooter Williams and Gus
 
 132 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 Johnson, Elder Jubilee Anderson, Professor 
 Brick and the Rev. Mr. Thankful Smith, 
 who, as usual, occupied the chair. The Club 
 was called to order at 8 o'clock sharp. 
 
 A recess of one half hour was then taken, 
 but no applicants for admission appeared. Mr. 
 Tooter Williams volunteered to go outside as 
 a committee of one, to bark and try to induce 
 some citizens with a thirst for science to come 
 and drink at the pure rills within, but at 8.45 
 he returned without success, and the meeting 
 was recalled to order. 
 
 Elder Jubilee Anderson arose to a question 
 of privilege. The absence of guests might be 
 looked upon with indifference by certain 
 members whom he would not name, but the 
 absence of their half dollars from the Club 
 treasury would be missed at the end of the even- 
 ing if the janitor should drop in with that long- 
 suffering kerosene bill. He did not wish to 
 make any unpleasant remarks, but the five
 
 Mr. Cyanide Whiffles Lectures 133 
 
 guests who remained to play after the last 
 meeting had gone home without either ulsters 
 or money, and probably had either to swim 
 to Hoboken or work their passage, and he 
 feared this fact had somewhat dampened the 
 enthusiasm on the other side of the North 
 river. He therefore desired to know what the 
 Club was going to do with guests at the next 
 meeting ? 
 
 ' Skun 'em ! ' exclaimed Mr. Williams. 
 
 ' Ordah ! ' commanded the chair. 
 
 ' Show me a Hoboken niggah, 'n I'll show 
 yo' my meat ! ' continued Mr. Williams. 
 
 ' Ordah ! ' 
 
 ' I'll skun anny Noo Jarsey moke outen he 
 salvation ef it's de lass ack er my dissypatid 
 c'reer ! ' 
 
 ' Tooter Williams am fined a quartah ! ' 
 said the chair. 
 
 ' I'm gwineter 'spress my feelin's in dis Club 
 ef it costs a dollah ! ' yelled Mr. Williams,
 
 134 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 flinging a bill of that denomination on the 
 desk. ' Yar I comes wif a wad, 'n bruk a nen- 
 gagemint wif my bess lady, ter rip de hide 
 offen some suckah coon from Hoboken, 'n 
 dar haint no suckah come. I'm raw, I is, 
 'n bilious, 'n ef it coss me de lass dollah I 
 got, I say it free.' 
 
 ' Hez hez yo' got yo' dollah's wuff now ? ' 
 calmly inquired the chairman, folding the 
 bill lengthwise and putting it behind his ear. 
 ' Kase ef yo' feels colicky nyff ter 'spress ten 
 dollahs' wuff er feelin's, I'll give yo' two minits 
 mo'.' 
 
 Mr. Williams' only reply was to fling him- 
 self haughtily into his seat, and favour Pro- 
 fessor Brick with a prolonged and billigerent 
 stare without any cause which that gentleman 
 could ascertain. 
 
 This breezy interlude having thus come to 
 an affable close, Mr. Cyanide Whiffles ascended 
 the dais, and, after an elaborate bow to the
 
 Mr. Cyanide Whiffles Lectures, 135 
 
 chair, announced his subject as ' De Kitty 
 'n J ackers/ and spoke as follows : 
 
 MR. CYANIDE WHIFFLES 
 
 ' De kitty am a leak in de bar'l ob profits 
 at pokah whad oughter to be stopped by ack
 
 136 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 of kungresh. In de good ole days befo' de 
 wah, de kitty useter be onny a small slice outen 
 de biggest j acker, whad didn' kyount nohow, 
 bud now de kitty-keepah rakes in a wite chip 
 outen a one-par pot, 'n a red chip outen trees, 
 'n a blue chip outen de j acker 'n wen dey's 
 a big razzle 'n de coons is climbin' one 
 ovah de udder, he steals a blue chip on each 
 rise 
 
 ' Dass de Lor's troof ? ' exclaimed Professor 
 Brick. 
 
 ' 'N bimeby whad's de resulk ? ' inquired 
 the lecturer. ' Wy de resulk am dat de kitty 
 gits all de boodle, 'n de playahs gits bruk.' 
 
 ' Doan de kitty pay fer de sassengers 'n 
 cigyahs 'n beer ? ' queried Mr. Williams. 
 
 ' Yezzah,' responded the lecturer, ' 'n each 
 moke eats sassengers wen he doan wantem, 'n 
 smokes mo' cigyahs dan would kill a mewl, 'n 
 drinks mo' beer dan would pizen a Milwaukee 
 hog, sozeter git he share. Ef pokah am onny
 
 137
 
 138 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 ter skin de membahs, ter set up a free lunch 
 costin' mo'n two dollahs a head, I'll go ter Del- 
 munniky's 'n feed cheapah.' 
 
 ' Wudjer bollish de kitty ? ' inquired the 
 chairman, under the right given him by Article 
 61 of the Constitution. 
 
 ' Nozah,' said the lecturer. ' Bud I'd put 
 de kitty-keepah undah bons not ter blow her 
 inter he own stack when de membahs haint 
 watchin'.' 
 
 ' Whad yo' mean by dat ? ' queried Mr. 
 Williams, in a voice of war. 
 
 ' I doan mean nuffin' pussonal, Toot,' said 
 Mr. Whiffles. ' Bud I membah dat de lass 
 time yo' kep de kitty, 'n we played twell sun- 
 up, 'n all de membahs got leff ceptin' yo', 'n yo' 
 raked outen all de pots, 'n tuk two blues outen 
 each j acker, de kitty was onny fo' blues, six 
 reds 'n tree wites at de en' ob de game, 'n de 
 beer-bill 'n sassengers was onny two dollahs 
 dat's whad I mean.'
 
 Mr. Cyanide Whiffles Lectures 139 
 
 ' 'N didjer spose I swinnle de kitty ? ' pur- 
 sued Mr. Williams, still unmollified. 
 
 ' Nozah. I onny sposed dat de kitty got tei 
 meanderin' car'less like, 'n crope inter yo' 
 pile.' 
 
 ' Dat's a lie ! ' yelled Mr. Williams, who 
 felt that his honour was at stake. 
 
 ' Ordah ! ' cried the chair. 
 
 'I'll pay a fine of five dollahs ter lick Cy 
 \VifHes dis minnit ! ' exclaimed Mr. Williams, 
 capering with anger and flourishing his wad. 
 
 ' Make her ten 'n I'll 'pend de rules/ said 
 the chair. 
 
 ' Come outside, 'n I'll make it cheapah'n datj 
 remarked Mr. Whiffles, preparing to take off 
 his coat. 
 
 ' I I done leff my razzer home,' said Mr. 
 Williams. 
 
 ( I'll loan yo' one,' said Mr. WhifHes. 
 
 Mr. Williams sat down, and order was 
 restored.
 
 140 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 ' Bar's a limmick on de game/ said the 
 lecturer, ' 'n dar should be a limmick on de 
 kitty. Two sassengers 'n fo' bottles er beer, 
 'n fo' cigyahs coss haff er dollah, 'n six haffs 
 is tree dollahs, 'n dat's enuff fer dis Club, 'n 
 at de nex' meetin' I'll pud in a mendmink 
 ter de rules, puttin' dat limmick on de 
 pussy.' 
 
 ' Hooray ! ' exclaimed Professor Brick, who 
 was promptly fined ten cents for undue en- 
 thusiasm. 
 
 ' Now ez to j ackers,' pursued the lecturer, 
 ' I'se onny dis ter say. De game whad hez 
 j ackers ebery fo' minnits, am a game whad gits 
 a good man to go wrong. Bar's no mo' 
 skyence in a j acker dan in climbin' a greezed 
 pole, bud it's de easiest way ter slide ter de po' 
 house. In de good ole days befo' de wah, 
 dey warn't no j ackers, 'n pokah wuz pokah 'n 
 not chucky-lucky. Now, whenever a coon gits 
 tree dollahs out, he sez. sezee. " Less have a
 
 Mr. Cyanide Whiffles Lectures 141 
 
 roun' er j ackers/ sezee, 'n den er cose some 
 odder moke gits low-sperrited, 'n he sez, sezee, 
 " Less] acker one roun' mo'/ 'sezee, 'ndendey's 
 all j ackers 'n no skyence. Lass time I played, 
 I wus fohty-tree dollahs ter de good aftah nine 
 hours' hard wuk, 'n de Perfesser he call fer one 
 roun' er j ackers, 'n Gus Johns'n, he call fer a 
 roun,' 'n Tooter, he arst fer jess one mo', 'n 
 den Elder Jubbly, he howls fer one, 'n in 
 twonny-eight minnits I done loss all my chips 
 'n blowed 'n s'teen dollahs mo'.' 
 
 ' Den yo' wuddent have no j ackers,' queried 
 Professor Brick. 
 
 ' Nozah, not reglar,' returned the lecturer. 
 ' Make her de rule ter have de j acker come 
 onny wen all de coons draps 'n parses, 'n tree 
 j ackers at the lass ob de game, 'n Fse wif de 
 mo'ners at de funeril, bud dis yar game whad's 
 one foth pokah, 'n tree-foths j ackers, wud 
 skun Gab'ril hese'f outen he ho'n. Yo' 
 heah my bazoo.'
 
 142 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 The chairman then announced that at the 
 next lecture Mr. Tooter Williams would give 
 expert views on ' De Deal/ and the Club 
 went into executive session.
 
 MR. TOOTER WILLIAMS LECTURES ON 
 ' DE DEAL ' 
 
 \ 
 
 HE sixth lec- 
 ture of the 
 scientific 
 series was 
 given at the 
 rooms of 
 the Thomp- 
 son Street 
 Poker Club 
 last Satur- 
 day even- 
 ing. The 
 Rev. Mr. Thankful Smith occupied the chair.
 
 144 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 There were present Messrs. Tooter Williams, 
 Cyanide Whiffles and Gus Johnson, Professor 
 Brick, Elder Jubilee Anderson, and a select 
 party of gentlemen from Weehawken. 
 
 Elder Jubilee Anderson, of Special Com- 
 mittee, submitted his report. At the last 
 meeting it had been decided to give a dinner 
 on Inauguration Day, free for Club members 
 and two dollars apiece for invited guests, and 
 he had been appointed to select a caterer. He 
 had the honour to report that while no doubt 
 Delmonico's was fairly capable enough in its 
 way, and although he had heard most favour- 
 ably of the Brunswick from Mr. William 
 McGlory, who gave a large supper there about 
 four years ago, there were reasons why the 
 Club should not dine at either of those popular 
 resorts. After a long and careful search, he 
 had found a gentleman in Weehawken who was 
 able and willing to provide the Club with a 
 dinner
 
 Mr. Tooter Williams Lectures on ' De Deal ' 145 
 
 ' C. O. D. ? ' inquired Professor Brick, 
 thoughtfully. 
 
 ' Y yezzah,' admitted the Elder, with 
 regret. 
 
 'Cordin' ter de Constitution I done 
 my bess ter git credick 'n give de Club's 
 note fer de paymink in thutty days, but de 
 gemman he say he kuddent do zackly dat, 
 but if de Club wanted ter pay cawsh down 
 'n den wait thutty days fer de dinnah, he'd 
 fix it dat way ter 'blidge de Club, an'- 
 
 ' De Club's note am skured by de Club's 
 honah,' said Mr. Williams, haughtily. 
 
 ' Yezzah,' returned the Elder. ' I 'splained 
 dat, but de mo' I talked 'bout de Club's honah 
 de furder we seemed ter git from de dinnah, 
 'n ' 
 
 ' Am de genelman outside ? ' asked the Rev. 
 Mr. Thankful Smith. 
 
 ' Yezzah. Dat's him dancin' ondelandin' 
 
 ter keep warm.' 
 
 K
 
 146 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 ' Shome in/ said the Rev. Mr. Smith. 
 
 The Elder opened the door and a half-frozen 
 gentleman from Weehawken Heights sidled in 
 and humbly took up a position near the stove. 
 A deep silence fell. The Rev. Mr. Thankful 
 Smith regarded the stranger with great benevo- 
 lence for several minutes, and then said : 
 
 ' Yo' name am Beesly ? ' 
 
 ' Yass, boss Beesly.' 
 
 ' Beesly/ continued the reverend chairman, 
 ' doan yo' run a chop house ? ' 
 
 ' Yass, boss.' 
 
 ' Kin yo' git yo' chops on credick, Beesly ? ' 
 
 ' No, boss.' 
 
 ' Does yo' know ony membah ob dis yar 
 Club, Beesly ? ' 
 
 Mr. Beesly took a careful survey of the 
 room, and then jerked his head in direction of 
 Mr.Tooter Williams and Mr. Cyanide Whiffles, 
 both of whom coloured, but essayed to look 
 unconcerned.
 
 148 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 ' Yo' knows Brer Willyums 'n Brer Whiffles, 
 Beesly ? ' queried the chairman. 
 
 ' Yass, boss, 'deed I does guttum on de 
 slake/ said Mr. Beesly, sadly, but firmly. 
 
 ' I wanter 'splain dat me 'n Cy ' began 
 Mr. Williams, rising. 
 
 ' Yo' is outen ordah, Toot,' ruled the chair. 
 
 Mr. Williams sat down and twiddled his 
 thumbs in a manner calculated to express 
 defiance of both Mr. Beesly and public opinion. 
 
 ' Fer how much am Brer Willyums 'n Brer 
 Whiffles hung up, Beesly ? ' queried the 
 chair. 
 
 Mr. Beesly extracted from his ulster a large 
 package, which, being unwrapped, proved to 
 contain a slate. 
 
 ' Mistah Willyums tree dollahs 'n twonny 
 cents, 'n Master W'iffles two dollahs 'n a 
 quartah,' he announced. 
 
 ' Didn' I tole yer to sen dat bill ter my 
 office ? ' haughtily demanded Mr. Williams.
 
 Mr. Tooter Williams lectures on ' De Deal ' 149 
 
 ' Ordah ! ' ruled the chair. ' Beesly,' he 
 continued, ' I see dat yo' hez hed too much 
 speeunce to catah for dis Club. De kummittee 
 '11 browse round in some naberhood whar 
 Brer Willyums' lunch route hezn't spiled de 
 credick. Dat's all, Beesly.' 
 
 ' Kint I stay 'n c'lect my money ? ' asked 
 Mr. Beesly, who had just emerged from his 
 chill, and was prepared to spend the even- 
 ing. 
 
 ' Not dis evenin', Beesly. But yo' kin 
 darnce outside 'n keep yo' eye skint until de 
 show's ovah,' ruled the chair. ' Good evenin', 
 Beesly.' 
 
 Mr. Beesly meekly departed. Both Mr. 
 Williams and Mr. Whiffles drew a long 
 breath of relief, and then whispered together 
 and laughed immoderately. The gavel 
 then fell, and Mr. Williams mounted the 
 rostruirfwith a jaunty air, blew a kiss to the 
 .secretary, winked at the chairman, smiled at
 
 150 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 Mr. Whiffles, and, announcing his subject as 
 1 De Deal,' spoke as follows : 
 
 ' De honess dealah am allers caffle ter dole 
 de kyards slow, 'n let all de mo'ners see dot de 
 deal am squar 
 
 [ 'Scuse me, Mistah Willyums,' interrupted 
 Elder Jubilee Anderson, rising ; ' bud de 
 slower yo' deals, de offener de naces 'n kinks 
 seemter wandah into yo' han' how yo' 'splain 
 dat ?' 
 
 ' Am de dealah 'sponsible ef de luck drifts he 
 way ? ' queried the lecturer, with some 
 warmth. ' Some mokes seemster tink dat de 
 dealah oughter only git juces 'n kitters, 'n dole 
 all de fulls' 'n flisks ter de 
 
 At this juncture the door slowly swung open 
 a few inches, and Mr. Beesly's head cautiously 
 appeared. His eyes sought out Mr. Williams, 
 then rested upon Mr. Whiffles, and then his 
 head mournfully withdrew and the door closed 
 again. This had the effect of punctuating Mr.
 
 Mr. Tootcr Williams lectures on ' DC Deal ' 151 
 
 Williams' discourse with a long and somewhat 
 painful pause, not demanded by the rules of 
 oratory. Mr. Whiffles, although not hitherto 
 known to be a spirit medium, went into an 
 abysmal trance. 
 
 ' De dealah/ continued Mr. Williams, 
 endeavouring to appear at his ease ; ' de 
 de dealah kint swinnle 'ceptin' wen he's got a 
 confederick, 'n de confederick walks in wif a 
 trayfull ob 
 
 ' How am de confederick to get a tray full 
 wen he's outen de room ? ' queried Professor 
 Brick, with the air of one who has propounded 
 a staggerer. 
 
 1 De confederick walks in wif a tray full ob 
 drinks,' scornfully continued Mr. Williams, 
 ( 'n slaps her down on de table jess aftah de 
 pack hez been cut, 'n den de dealah rings in de 
 cole deck 'n pertends ter git mad, 'n de confed- 
 erick takes a kick 'n gits out, 'n 
 
 Here the door slowly opened, and a chill,
 
 152 
 
 accompanied by the sad countenance of Miv 
 Beesly, again made its appearance ; the rueful 
 'eyes sought Mr. Williams and Mr. Whiffles, 
 and then the vision slowly vanished. Again a 
 long pause, and a deepening of Mr. \Vhiffles' 
 trance. Mr. Williams coughed, looked over his 
 notes, cleared his throat, gazed at the ceiling, 
 leaned on the table, and did his utmost to 
 appear at ease. Then he said : 
 ' I I jess jess found out dat I 
 ' Mistah Willyums,' said the Rev. Thankful 
 Smith, who by virtue of Article 24 of the 
 Constitution had a right to ask questions of the 
 lecturer ; ' kin yo' 'splain ter de comp'ny what 
 am a Hoboken ''shake down" ?' 
 
 ' Cer'nly,' returned Mr. Williams affably, 
 glad of the interruption. ' Dey plays de game 
 usual wif six coons in Hoboken, 'n wen all de 
 coons comes in on de j acker, 'n dey all wants 
 kyards on de dror, 'n dey haint kyards enuff ter 
 go roun', one coon he calls out, " shakedown ! "
 
 Mr. Tootcr Williams lectures on ' DC Deal ' 153 
 
 'n all de mokes shake out de kyards whad dey's 
 got up dey sleeve, 'n de dealah shuffles 'em up 
 'n goes on wif de deal, 'n 
 
 Here again the door slowly opened. Mr. 
 Beesly's head did not appear, but a tremulous 
 and sad voice murmured, sepulchrally : 
 
 ' Kin I spoke wif Mistah Wiffles jess jess 
 a minnit befo' I froze ter deff ? ' 
 
 A gruesome silence fell. Mr. Whiffles arose, 
 still in his trance, slowly moved towards the 
 door, and vanished. For a few minutes there 
 was no sound, and then the corridor without 
 echoed to the strains of activity, a cyclone and 
 an earthquake appeared to roll together down 
 the stairs, and all was still. Mr. Williams 
 listened a moment, then continued his lecture. 
 ' De lass time we had a shake down in Ho- 
 boken,' he said, ' de late Mr. Whiffles wuz 
 dealin', 'n I was jess- 
 Again the door slowly opened, and thus the 
 voice :
 
 154 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 ' Kin I spoke wif Mistah Willyums a 
 minnit ? ' 
 
 The silence became so deep that Professor 
 Brick, listening intently, could hear his hair 
 growing. All eyes centred on Mr. Williams. 
 
 Again the voice : 
 
 ' I wanter spoke wif Mistah Willyums.' 
 
 Mr. Williams' hand went towards his hip- 
 pocket. 
 
 1 Yo' hed bettah see de genelmana minnit, 
 Toot,' sweetly suggested the chair. 
 
 ' Am yo' razzer honed ? ' inquired Elder 
 Jubilee Anderson with a slight rising emphasis 
 which implied that the other party had pro- 
 bably honed his. 
 
 ' Woodlawn er Calv'ry, Toot ? ' darkly 
 inquired Mr. Gus Johnson. 
 
 Mr. Williams threw his head back with a 
 haughty air. 
 
 For a third time, the voice : - 
 
 ' Am Mistah Willyums a-comin' ? '
 
 MR. TOOTER WILLIAMS LECTURES ON ' DE DEAL 
 
 155
 
 156 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 Mr. Williams moved towards the door. 
 
 ' Niggahs,' he said, ' I'm a-goin'.' 
 
 So saying, he vanished. 
 
 Again a grisly silence reigned. Professor 
 Brick tiptoed softly to the door, locked it, and 
 applied his ear to the panel, by which process, 
 according to well known laws of acoustics, he 
 could accurately appraise the value of any 
 sounds occuring without. 
 
 The silence continued. Five, eight, ten 
 minutes passed. The Professor opened the 
 door. A keen blast entered, but nothing 
 visible. 
 
 ' De Perfesser 'n Gus Johns'n am app'inted 
 a kummittee ter visit 'n report on de remains,' 
 ordered the chair. 
 
 Mr. Johnson and the Professor departed. 
 Three minutes later they reappeared. The 
 Professor was speechless. Mr. Johnson was 
 hysterical. 
 
 ' Bofe dead ? ' queried the chair.
 
 Mr. Tooter Williams lectures on ' De Deal ' 157 
 
 ' My new ulcer 'n my skyarf 'n dicer ! ' 
 gasped Mr. Johnson. 
 
 ' My sealskin ovahcote n' a dozen cigyahs 'n 
 a hat/ hoarsely whispered the Professor. 
 
 ' Dey haint haint no murdah ! ' exclaimed 
 the Rev. Mr. Thankful Smith, upon whom a 
 light was beginning to break. 
 
 ' No bud dey will be ef I evah kotches 
 Toot Willyums/ exclaimed the Professor, 
 capering with woe. 
 
 ' De hull lay-out in de dressin' room's gone/ 
 asseverated Mr. Johnson. 
 
 There was a wild rush of guests and 
 members to verify this dire news. It was 
 true. The dressing-room a new convenience, 
 opened by Mr. Williams especially for this 
 lecture was bare of hats, coats, canes, and 
 mufflers. The Club gloomily reassembled. 
 Controlling himself by a strong effort, the Rev. 
 Mr. Thankful Smith rapped for order, and 
 then said impressively :
 
 158 The Thompson Street Poker Club 
 
 ' Niggahs, dat Beesly eppysode wuz a fake, 
 'n Brer Willyums 'n Brer Whiffles am sot up in 
 secon' han' clothing fer de wintah. Doan spoke 
 nuffin' . Dey haint no use spressin' our feelin's . 
 Brer Willyums promised us a s'prise ter-night, 
 'n we's got it, 'n got it large. Doan spoke 
 nuffin', coons. Jess pile in de coal in de stove 
 'n set aroun' 'n wizzle, 'n I'll borry de janny- 
 ter's ovahcote 'n a hat 'n git out de perlice 'n de 
 milishy, 'n wake up de kentry wif a howl fer 
 justice. Doan spoke nuffin', niggahs.' 
 
 ' Kint we git no dammidges ? ' queried Mr. 
 Johnson, who with great forethought had 
 ensconced himself behind the stove and was 
 prepared for a siege. 
 
 The Rev. Mr. Thankful Smith slowly turned. 
 There was a cold, calm glitter in the 
 spectacles through which he gazed. Then he 
 spoke slowly and with majesty : 
 
 ' Dar hez been a panel game wukked on dis 
 Club ter-night, 'n de dammidges all berlongs
 
 Mr. Tooter Williams lectures on ' De Deal ' 159 
 
 to Brer Whiffles 'n Brer Willyums. Jess wait, 
 niggahs. Wait till yo' see 'em. Dey'll git de 
 dammidges.' 
 
 So saying he disappeared. 
 
 The Club is still in session, with no chance 
 of adjournment until the weather moderates. 
 
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