3 1822015378714 
 
 WIDOWS- 
 iRAVE-AND 
 
 I 

 
 LIBRARY 
 
 UNIVERSITY OF 
 
 CALIFORNIA 
 
 SAN DIEGO 

 
 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA. SAN DIEGO 
 
 13 1822015378714 
 
 Central University Library 
 
 University of California, San Diego 
 Please Note: This item is subject to recall. 
 
 Date Due 
 
 NQV221993 
 
 Cl 39 (7/93) 
 
 UCSD Lb.
 
 A creature not too bright or good 
 for human nature's daily food. 
 Wordsworth.
 
 WIDOWS 
 
 GRAVE AND 
 
 (T ERW SE 
 
 "Widders are 'ceptions to ev'ry rule." 
 
 Dickens. 
 
 PURLOINED BY AN EX-WIDOW 
 AND PICTURED BY A VICTIM 
 
 PUBLISHED BY AN IMMUNE 
 
 15306
 
 WIDOWS 
 
 GRAVE AND 
 OTHERWISE 
 
 COMPILED BYCORA D.WILLMARTH 
 ILLUSTRATED BY A. F.WILLMARTH 
 
 COPYRIGHT, 1903 
 BY PAUL ELDER AND COMPANY 
 
 PAUL ELDER AND COMPANY 
 PUBLISHERS, SAN FRANCISCO
 
 Be to her virtues very kind; 
 Be to her faults a little blind. 
 
 Prior.
 
 Thou art a woman, and that is saying the 
 besl and worsT: of thee. Bailey.
 
 January Fir 
 
 Widows, Eke ripe fruit, drop easily from 
 their perch. Bruvere. 
 
 Bruyere. 
 
 January Second 
 
 Wedlock's like wine, not properly 
 judged of till the second glass. 
 
 Douglas Jerrold. 
 
 January Third 
 
 The Spaniards have it that a buxom 
 widow must be either married, buried, or 
 shut up in a convent Haliburton. 
 
 January Fourth 
 
 Frailty, thy name is woman! a little 
 month, or ere those shoes were old with 
 which she foflowed my poor father's body, 
 Kke Niobe, all tears : why she, even she, 
 married with my uncle. _ Shakespeare.
 
 To marry once is a duty, twice a folly, 
 thrice is madness. Dutch Proverb. 
 
 January Sixth 
 
 Mrs. President has disposed of six hus- 
 bands and is to take a seventh: being of the 
 opinion that there is as much virtue in the 
 touch of a seventh husband as of a seventh 
 son. Addison. 
 
 January Seventh 
 
 I praise th* saints I niver was married, 
 though I had opportunities enough when I 
 was a young man, an' even now I have to 
 wear me hat low whin I go down be 
 Cologne Street, on account iv the widow 
 Grogan. Mr.Dooley. 
 
 January Eighth 
 
 Tush ! herself knows not what she shall 
 do when she is transformed into a widow. 
 
 Chapman.
 
 Widows are such a subtle generation of 
 people they may be left to their own con- 
 du<ft; if they make a false step, they are 
 answerable for it to nobody but themselves. 
 
 Addison. 
 
 January Tenth 
 
 I have seen a widow that just before 
 was seen pleasant enough, follow an empty 
 hearse and weep devoutly. 
 
 Chapman. 
 
 January Eleventh 
 
 I* faith, he'll have a lusty widow now, 
 That shall be wooed and wedded in a day. 
 
 Shakespeare. 
 
 January Twelfth 
 
 Here's a small trifle of wives: alas, 
 eleven widows and nine maids, is a simple 
 coming in for one man. Shakespeare.
 
 January Thirteenth 
 
 If for widows you die, 
 Learn to kiss, not to sigh. 
 
 Charles Lever. 
 
 January Fourteenth 
 
 The widow Quick married within a fort- 
 night after the death of her last husband. 
 Her weeds have served her twice and are 
 still as good as new. Addison. 
 
 January Fifteenth 
 
 She was clever, witty, brilliant, and 
 sparkling; but possessed of many devils of 
 malice and mischievousness ; she could be 
 nice, though, even to her own sex. 
 
 Kipling. 
 
 January Sixteenth 
 
 A rogue met a pretty young Mrs., 
 
 A widow, and stole a few Krs., 
 
 And the lady, though she was astounded, 
 
 Said she'd waive prosecution, 
 
 If he'd make restitution, 
 
 So the felony soon was compounded. 
 
 Philadelphia Pre$$.
 
 January Seventeenth 
 
 "Yes, he's going to marry that rich 
 widow. His debts were looming up dread- 
 fully, and " 
 
 " I see. His marriage wifl be the 6n- 
 ished product of the loom." 
 
 San Francisco New* Letter. 
 
 January Eighteenth 
 
 " Dear Joseph is dead. Loss fully cov- 
 ered by insurance." ( Telegram ) Tit Bits. 
 
 January Nineteenth 
 
 " Why for your spouse this pompous fuss ? 
 Was he not all his life your curse ? " 
 
 "True, but at length one single action 
 Made up for each past malefaction." 
 
 " Indeed ! what was the action, pray ? " 
 " Why, sir, it was, he died one day." 
 
 Exchange. 
 
 January Twentieth 
 
 Take my word for it, the silliest woman 
 can manage a clever man, but it needs a 
 very clever woman to manage a fool
 
 January Twenty-first 
 
 But if the priesYs daughter be a widow, 
 or divorced, and have no child, and is re- 
 turned unto her father's house, as in her 
 youth, she shall eat of her father's meat. 
 
 Bible. 
 
 January Twenty-second 
 
 But every vow of a widow and of her 
 that is divorced shall stand against her. 
 
 Numbers xx : 1 1 . 
 
 January Twenty-third 
 
 Le Fiance. " Why have you not intro- 
 duced me to your mother, darling ? " 
 
 La Fiancee. " Gerald, my mother is a 
 widow, and I have lost two fiances to wid- 
 ows already." yf e . 
 
 January Twenty-fourth 
 
 With all the experience of married life 
 she has the sense of perfect freedom and 
 irresponsibility; consequently her flights in 
 flirtation are as daring as they are without 
 fear or reproach. _ Malcolm C. Salomon.
 
 January Twenty-fifth 
 
 " So De Wolff Hopper is divorced and 
 married again ? " 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 " Well, now I suppose the question is, is 
 his former wife a grass widow or a grass 
 Hopper?" Life. 
 
 January Twenty-sixth 
 
 'Tis safes! in matrimony to begin with a 
 little aversion. Sheridan. 
 
 January Twenty-seventh 
 
 It sometimes happens that when a man 
 fails in doing anything else well, he marries 
 Atchison Globe. 
 
 January Twenty-eighth 
 
 Whatever Rome may strive to fix, 
 The sacraments are only six ; 
 For surely of the seven, 'tis clear 
 Marriage and penance but one appear. 
 Proverb.
 
 January Twenty-ninth 
 
 Lady Catherine Swallow was a widow 
 at eighteen, and has since buried a second 
 husband and two coachmen. Addison. 
 
 January Thirtieth 
 
 Jerry, dying intestate, his relatives claim'd 
 While his widow most vilely his mem'ry 
 
 def am'd : 
 " That's no wonder," says one, " for 'tis 
 
 very well known, 
 Since he married, poor man, he'd no will 
 
 of his own!" Burns. 
 
 January Thirty-firft 
 
 The wives of hen-peck'd husbands most 
 alwus outliv ther victims, and I hev known 
 them to git marrid agin and git hold ov a 
 man that tone (thank the Lord/) who 
 understood all the hen-peck dodges. 
 
 Josh Billings.
 
 February Fir 
 
 Her mourning is all make believe : 
 'Tis plain ther's nothing in it: 
 With weepers she has tipp'd her sleeve, 
 
 The while she's laughing in it. 
 
 Burns. 
 
 February Second 
 
 The Lord will destroy the house of the 
 proud : but he will establish the border of 
 the widow. _ p ro vcrb. xv : 25. 
 
 February Third 
 
 One said a rich widow was like the 
 rubbish of the world, that helps only to stop 
 the breaches of decayed houses. 
 
 Hazlitt. 
 
 February Fourth 
 
 Of course not every man who has been 
 pursued by a widow was caught, and there 
 are a number of thrilling, if slightly apochry- 
 phal, narratives of daring adventurers who 
 have escaped the clutches of the dangerous 
 creatures at the last minute. Dorothy Dix.
 
 Mrs. Pepperday. "My firs! husband 
 had a great deal more sense than you have." 
 Mr. Pepperday. "True enough, he 
 Harper's Magazine. 
 
 February Sixth 
 
 " Take example by your father, my boy, 
 and be wery careful o* the widders all your 
 We." Dickens. 
 
 February Seventh 
 
 Keep yourself from the tumult of the 
 mob, from fools in a narrow way, from a 
 man that is marked, and from a widow that 
 has been thrice married. Proverb. 
 
 February Eighth 
 
 Lawyer. " I can get a divorce without 
 publicity for two hundred and fifty dollars." 
 
 Actress. " How much more will it cost 
 with publicity ?" _ Judge.
 
 February Ninth 
 
 A man that marries a widow is bound 
 to give up smoking and chewing. If she 
 gives up her weeds for him he should give 
 up his weed for her. Louisville Journal. 
 
 February Tenth 
 
 There is but one good excuse for a 
 marriage late in life, and that is a second 
 marriage. _j ,h Brings. 
 
 February Eleventh 
 
 For it is better to marry than to burn. 
 
 I Cor. vii:9. 
 
 l 
 
 February Twelfth 
 
 "Ven you're a married man, Samival, 
 you'll understand a good many things as you 
 don't understand now : but vether it's worth 
 while goin* through so much to learn so little, 
 as the charity boy said ven he got to the 
 end of the alphabet, is a matter o* taste." 
 
 Dickens.
 
 February Thirteenth 
 
 For as all widows love too well, 
 She liked upon the lift to dwell, 
 And oft ripped up the old disasters. 
 
 Hood. 
 
 February Fourteenth 
 
 Sir Simon, as snoring he lay in his bed, 
 Was awaked by the cry, " Sir, your lady is 
 
 dead ! " 
 He heard, and returning to slumber, quoth 
 
 he, 
 " In the morn, when I wake, oh, how 
 
 grieved I shall be ! " 
 
 February Fifteenth 
 
 Thanks, my good friend, for the advice, 
 But marriage is a thing so nice, 
 That he who means to take a wife 
 Had better think on't all his life. 
 
 February Sixteenth 
 
 Why are those tears, why droops your head ? 
 Is then your other husband dead ? 
 Or does a worse disgrace betide, 
 Hath no one since his death applied ? 
 
 Gay.
 
 A rich widow is the only kind of second- 
 hand goods that will always sell at prime cost. 
 
 Franklin.
 
 And whether coldness, pride, or virtue dignify, 
 A woman, so she's good, what does it signify ? 
 
 Byron.
 
 February Seventeenth 
 
 It pleased the Lord to take my spouse at lat. 
 I tore my hair, I soil'd my locks with du&, 
 And beat my breads as wretched widows 
 
 must: 
 
 Before my face my handkerchief I spread, 
 To hide the flood of tears I did not shed. 
 
 Pope. 
 
 February Eighteenth 
 
 She. " I think I should like a widower 
 after all." 
 
 He. " Very well ; whom shall I marry 
 firsl?" 
 
 February Nineteenth 
 
 May widows wed as often as they can, 
 And ever for the better change their man ; 
 And some devouring plague pursue their lives, 
 Who will not well be governed by their wives. 
 
 Dryden.
 
 Whilst Adam slept, Eve from his side arose : 
 Strange! his first sleep should be his last 
 repose I ^Anonymous. 
 
 February Twenty-firft 
 
 A widow is more sought after than an 
 old maid of the same age. Addison. 
 
 February Twenty-second 
 
 The widow is indigenous to all climes and 
 wherever found is a source of aggravation to 
 women and of danger to men. 
 
 Dorothy Dix.
 
 February Twenty-third 
 
 Widows are indeed the great game of 
 your fortune hunters. Addison. 
 
 February Twenty-fourth 
 
 " Some day I'm goin' to let me temper 
 r-run away with me, and get a comity to- 
 gether, and go out an* hang ivry dam widdy 
 and orphan between the rollin* mills an* th* 
 foundlin's home. If it wasn't for thim ray- 
 pachious crathers, they'd be no boodle anny- 
 wheres." Mr.DooIey. 
 
 February Twenty-fifth 
 
 The widow Cross, I should have told, 
 Had seen three husbands to the mould : 
 The dear, departed Mr. Cross, 
 Came in for nothing but his thirds. 
 
 Hood.
 
 February Twenty-sixth 
 
 " She knows how to look out for number 
 one." 
 
 " That is quite evident from the way she 
 is looking out for number two." 
 
 Smart Set. 
 
 February Twenty-seventh 
 
 Sum marry the second time to get even 
 and find it a gambling game : the more they 
 put down the less they take up. 
 
 Josh Billings. 
 
 February Twenty-eighth 
 
 The wife is bound by the law as long 
 is the husband liveth. _ j Cor. vii : 39. 
 
 February Twenty-ninth 
 
 Remove thy way far from her and come 
 not nigh the door of her house. 
 
 Proverbs.
 
 March First 
 
 Woo the widow while she is in weeds. 
 Proverb. 
 
 March Second 
 
 Indeed, we were once in great hopes of 
 his recovery, upon a kind message that was 
 sent him from the widow lady whom he had 
 made love to the last forty years of his life : 
 but this only proved a lightning before 
 death. Addison. 
 
 March Third 
 
 One widow at a grave will sob 
 A little while and weep and sigh ! 
 If two should meet on such a job, 
 They'll have a gossip bye and bye. 
 
 Hood. 
 
 March Fourth 
 
 " You are a marrid man, Mr. Young, 
 I believe ?" sed I. 
 
 "I hev eighty wives, Mr. Ward. I 
 certainly am marrid." Artemui Ward.
 
 'Tis dangerous marrying a widow be- 
 cause she has cast her rider. 
 
 Spanish Proverb. 
 
 March Sixth 
 
 "I have heerd how many ord'nary 
 women one widder's equal to, in pint of 
 comin* over you. I think it's five-and-twenty, 
 but I don't rightly know whether it an't 
 more." Dickens. 
 
 March Seventh 
 
 " As for the widders, anny healthy widdy 
 with street car stock ought to be ashamed 
 of hersilf if she's a widdy long." 
 
 Mr. Dooley. 
 
 March Eighth 
 
 That is why little widows are so danger- 
 ous: they not only know their own sex, but 
 they know ours, too, and knowledge is 
 power. Malcolm C. Salomon.
 
 The basis of the contemporary matri- 
 monial decline, as most writers interpret it, is 
 man. Man cannot very well be left out of mar- 
 riage altogether without defeating some of its 
 more important ends and impairing its results. 
 
 Edward Stanton Martin. 
 
 March Tenth 
 
 Easy or frivolous divorce is condemned 
 and deplored, but the easily divorced are not 
 excluded from the politest society. 
 
 Edward Stanton Martin. 
 
 March Eleventh 
 
 Onions can make heirs and widows 
 weep. Proverb. 
 
 March Twelfth 
 
 He who marries a widow will often have 
 a dead man's head thrown in his dish. 
 
 Proverb.
 
 Divorce, with all its privileges and possi- 
 bilities, must continue to be a second-rate 
 bliss by no means comparable to true mar- 
 na 8 e Edward Slanton Martin. 
 
 March Fourteenth 
 
 " Mind that no widder gets a inklin* of 
 your fortun, or you're done." Dickem. 
 
 March Fifteenth 
 
 Mrs. Biffery Biff. "You should be 
 happy. You have such a kind husband." 
 
 Mrs. Qyittem. " Yes ; we are getting 
 along splendidly, since we don't live to- 
 gether. Sa,, F ra ncisco Examiner. 
 
 March Sixteenth 
 
 A good occasion for courtship is when a 
 widow returns from the funeral. 
 
 Proverb.
 
 March Seventeenth 
 
 Second marriages receive much less uni- 
 versal consideration because comparatively 
 few persons find themselves in a position 
 where they have to reach a decision as to 
 their expediency. Edward Stanton Martin. 
 
 March Eighteenth 
 
 She was a little widow and was conse- 
 quently a complete compendium of the art 
 of love. _ Malcolm C. Salomon. 
 
 March Nineteenth 
 
 She was a good lookin' woman and had 
 seen trouble. It glands to reason she had, 
 with four husbands. Good land ! 
 
 Josiah Allen's Wife. 
 
 March Twentieth 
 
 Wooers and widows are never poor. 
 Ralph Roister Doifter (1566).
 
 Do, but dally not: that's the widow's 
 phrase. Barry. 
 
 March Twenty-second 
 
 " You know what counsel said, Sammy, 
 as defended the gen'lem'n as beat his wife, 
 with the poker, venever he got jolly: 'And 
 arter all, my Lord,' says he, 'it's a amiable 
 weakness.' So I says respectin* widders." 
 
 Dickens. 
 
 March Twenty-third 
 
 Of course I wanted to marry the widow 
 because she declared she would never 
 marry again. Malcolm C. Salomon. 
 
 March Twenty-fourth 
 
 The multi-widow. " A woman seldom 
 finds that her husband is the same man 
 she married." Brooklyn Eagle.
 
 Why, if I had had two husbands, or even 
 four, I should want to keep 'em apart sittin' 
 up in high chairs on different sides of my 
 Heart. Josiah Allen*. Wife. 
 
 March Twenty-sixth 
 
 Disagreeable suspicions are usually the 
 fruits of a second marriage. Racine. 
 
 March Twenty-seventh 
 
 " Have you made your will ?" asked the 
 lawyer of the old colored citizen. 
 
 " No, suh. I ain* got nothin* to leave 
 'cept one wife and de rheumatism." 
 
 Atlanta Constitution. 
 
 March Twenty-eighth 
 
 It is only a widow who is wise enough 
 to know that a jolly laugh in a woman is a 
 bait to which a man will invariably rise as a 
 trout to a fly. -Dorothy Dix.
 
 Get a wife who has learned how to 
 keep house on your predecessor, and is in no 
 danger of giving you dyspepsia while she 
 experiments with cooking school recipes. 
 Dorothy Dix. 
 
 March Thirtieth 
 
 " So they were divorced for incompati- 
 bility of temper >" 
 
 " Yes ; you see he had the incompatibility 
 and she had the temper." Judge. 
 
 March Thirty-fir 
 
 Theicshameless Chloe placed on the 
 tombs of her seven husbands the inscription, 
 " The work of Chloe." Martial.
 
 Few persons turn grey because their 
 husbands die. Proverb. 
 
 He that's married once may be pardoned 
 
 his infirmity; 
 
 He that marries twice is mad ; 
 But if you can find a fool 
 Marrying thrice, don't spare the lad, 
 Flog him, flog him back to school. 
 
 GarricL 
 
 April Third 
 
 Oh ! a maid is sometimes charming, but 
 a widow aD the while. Anonymous. 
 
 April Fourth 
 
 Disguise our bondage as we will, 
 ' Tis woman, woman rules us ftill. 
 Moo,
 
 One husband is worth two good wives : 
 for the scarcer things are, the more they're 
 Benjamin Franklin. 
 
 April Sixth 
 
 I, Dionysius of Tarsus, lie here at sixty, 
 having never married ; and would that my 
 
 father had not. 
 
 Greek Epitaph. 
 
 April Seventh 
 
 Once you are married there is nothing 
 left for you, not even suicide, but to be good. 
 Robert Louis Stevenson. 
 
 April Eighth 
 
 "Didn't you do well by your second 
 marriage ? '* 
 
 " Oh, yes indeed ; the clothes of my 
 wife's first husband jus! fit me ! " 
 
 Danbury News Man.
 
 April Ninth 
 
 The lachrymose widow is one of those 
 clinging vines that always gets there. 
 
 Dorothy Dix. 
 
 April Tenth 
 
 " Of course I am a widow. Sure, that 
 poor little insignificant crayther of a husband 
 is not worth mentioning." _ j^ jjf e> 
 
 April Eleventh 
 
 Old friend " Was your daughter's mar- 
 riage a success ? " 
 
 Hostess " Oh, a great success ! She's 
 traveling in Europe on the alimony." 
 
 New York Weekly. 
 
 April Twelfth 
 
 " No other man can ever fill poor John's 
 place. I loved him from the bottom of my 
 heart." 
 
 "Of course; but you know there is 
 always room at the top." 
 
 Chicago Daily News.
 
 April Thirteenth 
 
 A different cause, says Parson Sly, 
 The same effecl may give. 
 Poor Lubin fears that he shall die, 
 His wife that he may live. 
 
 Poor Richard's Almanac. 
 
 April Fourteenth 
 
 " There is more to be learned from one 
 widow than from a whole Smithsonian 
 museum of anthropology. " 
 
 April Fifteenth 
 
 Fijjit " The widow says that her mar- 
 riage to Gobang was secret." 
 
 Ijjit "It must have been. Gobang 
 himself did not mention a widow in his 
 will, so he could not have known of the 
 wedding." _ Ltf e> 
 
 April Sixteenth 
 
 "Widows, gentlemen, are not usually 
 timorous, as my uncle used to say." 
 
 Dickens.
 
 April Seventeenth 
 
 The good widow's sorrow is no Storm, 
 but a still rain. Fuller. 
 
 April Eighteenth 
 
 A woman deserted by one man has no 
 remedy but to appeal to twelve. Jerrold. 
 
 April Nineteenth 
 
 At the prospect of a cosy separation 
 society would reach at last the condition of 
 Rome as described by Seneca, when women 
 computed their ages by the number of their 
 husbands instead of by the years they had 
 lived. Matthews. 
 
 April Twentieth 
 
 "Jerome speaks of witnessing the funeral 
 of a woman who was followed by her 
 twenty-second husband to the grave, she 
 having been his twenty-first wife."
 
 If you want a neat wife, choose her on 
 a Saturday. _ Poor Ri c h ar d' s Almanac. 
 
 April Twenty-second 
 
 She "They are the most wonderful 
 compositions in the language." 
 
 He " They don't compare with Jack 
 Harvey's. Why, he wrote a letter of con- 
 dolence to a widow and she took off her 
 mourning immediately." jjf e . 
 
 April Twenty-third 
 
 Drying a widow's tears is one of the 
 most dangerous occupations known to man. 
 Dorothy Dix. 
 
 April Twenty-fourth 
 
 I told Martin when we'd first come to 
 London, that I must see the Widder Albert 
 whilst I was there. _ osiah Allen's Wife
 
 April Twenty-fifth 
 
 "Doctor, do you think my wife will 
 recover ? " 
 
 " Oh, yes ! I told her I already had a 
 wife picked out for you in case she didn't 
 get well." Life. 
 
 April Twenty-sixth 
 
 Keep your eyes open before marriage ; 
 half shut afterwards. 
 
 Poor Richard's Almanac. 
 
 April Twenty-seventh 
 
 Widow " Yes, I have cremated three 
 husbands." 
 
 Old maid "It seems unfair. Here 
 I've lived all these years and never have 
 been able to get married to one man and 
 you've had husbands to burn." 
 
 Chauncey M. Depew's Story. 
 
 April Twenty-eighth 
 
 " Better to have loved extensively than 
 never to have loved at all."
 
 April Twenty-ninth 
 
 Agent "Isn't this stone a trifle small 
 for a man of your husband's prominence ?" 
 
 Widow " No, sir ! If Thomas thought 
 a stone like that was good enough for his 
 first wife, I guess it's plenty good enough for 
 Thomas." Life. 
 
 April Thirtieth 
 
 You can't talk to a remarried woman 
 at a dinner party about her first husband, 
 especially if one of her subsequent husbands 
 is present. _ Edward Stanton Martin.
 
 May Firft 
 Divorce is the spice of life. Life. 
 
 May Second 
 
 " We hated to tell you, but your drowned 
 husband's body has been found and it is 
 covered with eels." 
 
 " Well," sighed the widow, drying her 
 eyes, " set him again." 
 
 Chauncey M. Depew' Story. 
 
 May Third 
 
 St. Peter (to first applicant) "Were 
 you married while on earth ? " 
 
 First Applicant " I was ; twice." 
 St. Peter " Walk in. You deserve it" 
 TheW P . 
 
 May Fourth 
 
 The turf has drunk a widow's tear, 
 Three of her husbands slumber here. 
 
 Epitaph at Staffordshire.
 
 Behold I have commanded a widow 
 woman there to sustain thee. 
 
 I Kings xvii : 9. 
 
 May Sixth 
 
 She " Should you die, are you opposed 
 to my remarrying? " 
 
 He " No. Why should I be solicitous 
 about the welfare of a fellow I'll never know." 
 
 Life. 
 
 May Seventh 
 
 " Why did he get a divorce from his wife ? " 
 "She named the baby after the firSt husband." 
 
 Life. 
 
 May Eighth 
 
 I asked her (who had buried twelve 
 husbands) : " At what time of life do you 
 think the married slate ceases to be prefer- 
 able?" 
 
 She replied : " You musl ask somebody 
 older than I am." Josh Billings.
 
 A widow is like a frigate of which the 
 firs! captain has been shipwrecked. 
 
 Alphoiue Karr. 
 
 May Tenth 
 Widowhood is true freedom. 
 
 Mme. de Jardins. 
 
 May Eleventh 
 
 " So Mrs. Gaylord insists on a separa- 
 tion ? " 
 
 " Yes. She didn't mind his neglect, but 
 whenever he was a little good to her he was 
 so very virtuous about it that she just couldn't 
 Bandit." Harper'. Bazar. 
 
 May Twelfth 
 
 Easy-crying widows take new husbands 
 soonest; there is nothing like wet weather 
 for transplanting. _ Oliver Wendell Holme..
 
 Mrs. Henpeck "Now, suppose I should 
 
 Mr. Henpeck " Good heavens I Is 
 there any doubt about it ? " Ltf e< 
 
 May Fourteenth 
 
 There are four hundred and fifty Revo- 
 lutionary widows left. Here is a chance 
 now for those men who pant for a wife of 
 the good old days. _ Danbury News Man. 
 
 May Fifteenth 
 
 Never marry a widow unless her first 
 husband was hanged. Provett. 
 
 May Sixteenth 
 
 Widows secretly rejoice in the admira- 
 tion of men, but indulge themselves in no 
 further consequences. Addiscn.
 
 Widows are a Study you will never be pro- 
 
 ficient in. 
 
 Fielding.
 
 "Are women books? " says Hodge. " Then 
 would mine were an almanac to change her 
 
 every year." Benjamin Franklin.
 
 Women who have been happy in a first 
 marriage are most apt to venture upon a 
 second. Addison. 
 
 May Eighteenth 
 
 Were I not resolved against the yoke 
 Of hapless marriage never to be curs'd 
 With second love, so fatal was the first, 
 To this one error I might yield again. 
 
 Drydcn. 
 
 May Nineteenth 
 
 How blessings brighten as they take 
 their flight! Young. 
 
 May Twentieth 
 
 From thousands of our undone widows, 
 one may derive some wit. 
 
 Thomas Middleton.
 
 May Twenty-firft 
 
 For I have buried three husbands beside 
 this man; and now I am no* sure of no 
 nother husband ; and therefore ye may be 
 sure I have great cause to be sad and heavy. 
 
 Hazlitt. 
 
 May Twenty-second 
 
 Here lies my wife: here let her lie! 
 Now she's at resl, and so am I. 
 
 Drydcn. 
 
 May Twenty-third 
 
 Her waisl was ampler than her life, for 
 life is but a span. _Q. W. Holmes. 
 
 May Twenty-fourth 
 
 Here's to the maiden of bashful fifteen; 
 Here's to the widow of fifty. Sheridan.
 
 May Twenty-fifth 
 
 A Brookfield woman was completely 
 unmanned by the loss of her husband. 
 
 Danbury News Man. 
 
 May Twenty-sixth 
 
 Women have a special antipathy to the 
 blond widow, and when one crosses their 
 path they sit down and throw up their hands 
 and give up the game. Dorothy Dix. 
 
 May Twenty-seventh 
 
 Why is a garden's wildered maze 
 
 Like a young widow, fresh and fair ? 
 
 Because it wants some hand to raise 
 
 The weeds which have no business there. 
 T. Moore. 
 
 May Twenty-eighth 
 
 Fortune is like a widow won, 
 And truckles to the bold alone. 
 
 Somerville.
 
 "Suppose," said a friend who had been 
 reading Enoch Arden, " that you went away 
 on a sea voyage and came back and found 
 that your wife had married another man ? " 
 
 " That's an absurd proposition. Henri- 
 etta would never be so careless as to let me 
 go away on a sea voyage." 
 
 Washington Star. 
 
 May Thirtieth 
 
 An Atchispn girl will marry a widower 
 with five hand-me-down children. 
 
 Atchison Globe. 
 
 May Thirty-firSt 
 
 A widow is a woman who has buried 
 her husband ; a grass widow is one who has 
 simply mislaid hers. _WJH M. Clemens.
 
 Yet because this widow troubleth me, I 
 will avenge her, left by her continual coming 
 she weary me. __ L^ xv fi . 5. 
 
 Not even the immense labor of assimila- 
 ting a new spouse's relatives, appalling as it 
 is, should hinder second marriages. 
 
 Edward Stanton Martin. 
 
 June Third 
 
 The rich widow cries with one eye and 
 rejoices with the other. Cervantes. 
 
 June Fourth 
 
 " There is one thing about my first hus- 
 band I shall always respect him for," she 
 said. 
 
 "What is that?" 
 
 " He paid all the expenses of our divorce 
 like a perfect gentleman." Life.
 
 June Fifth 
 
 He that marries a widow and three 
 daughters has three back doors to his house. 
 Spanish Proverb. 
 
 June Sixth 
 
 He that wooes a maid must never come in 
 
 sight, 
 But he that wooes a widow, must woo her 
 
 day and night. _ n ^ p rover b. 
 
 June Seventh 
 
 In appearance the widow is extremely 
 attractive, being smooth and sleek, of a jet 
 black color, with snow white collar. It also 
 possesses a most melodious purr, and though 
 it has extra sharp claws, these are seldom 
 visible. Dorothy Dix. 
 
 June Eighth 
 
 Mrs. Manhattan " The thirteenth hus- 
 band is sure to be unlucky." 
 
 Mrs. Lakeside (pensively) "I'll have 
 to skip that number and marry twins." 
 
 New York Herald.
 
 June Ninth 
 
 Misfortunes never come single; some- 
 times they come married. Life. 
 
 June Tenth 
 
 " Doctor, I can't get it out of my head 
 that possibly my poor husband was buried 
 alive." 
 
 "Nonsense," snorted Dr. Peduncle, 
 "didn't I attend him myself in his las! illness?" 
 
 Life. 
 
 June Eleventh 
 
 Scarcely less to be feared by the prudent, 
 is the species of this interesting animal, which 
 is known as the domestic widow. 
 
 Dorothy Dix. 
 
 June Twelfth 
 
 Little Clara (in an audible whisper) 
 "O nurse! I wish I had been born a 
 widow instead of an orphan ! " 
 
 Harper's Monthly.
 
 Young widows are always charming. 
 
 Stowe. 
 
 June Fourteenth 
 
 Surely any good man who has one wife 
 already would slay at home till moss accum- 
 ulated on his scalp, rather than go gadding 
 and take the chance of running against his 
 affinity. Edward Stanton Martin. 
 
 June Fifteenth 
 
 When a man is chased by a determined 
 widow, it is a mere waste of shoe leather to 
 run away from it. Dorothy Dix. 
 
 June Sixteenth 
 
 You can't imagine, sir, what 'tis to have 
 to do with a widow. Addwon.
 
 What objections there are to second 
 marriages are almost exclusively sentimental. 
 
 Edward Stanton Martin. 
 
 June Eighteenth 
 
 Miss Jones (to Mr. Brown who has sur- 
 vived three wives) " They must get kind 
 o* mixed up in heaven with so many Mrs. 
 Browns about" 
 
 Mr. Brown "Oh, no, I calculate not! 
 You see they're all different shades of 
 Brown." Life. 
 
 June Nineteenth 
 
 The chief characteristic of the widow is 
 its skill in bringing down its game. 
 
 Dorothy Dix. 
 
 June Twentieth 
 
 "For patient resignation, that widow 
 lying there a corpse could dance all 'round 
 any woman living." Danbury News Man.
 
 By taking a second wife man pays the 
 highest compliment to the first. Johnson. 
 
 June Twenty-second 
 
 For many persons who have lost their 
 mates prematurely, it is far better to find a 
 new one, if that is possible, than to go through 
 life alone. Edward Stanton Martin. 
 
 June Twenty-third 
 
 And I caused the widow's heart to sing 
 for joy. __job xxix: 13. 
 
 June Twenty-fourth 
 
 If you are an unsophisticated widow 
 one whose husband is just dead you will 
 find that you can remain in your own home 
 sixty days without paying rent. Stowe.
 
 I don't feel at all sentimental ; 
 
 For women I care not a rap, 
 But give me a jolly and gentle 
 
 Rich widow in weeds and a cap. 
 Strong. 
 
 June Twenty-sixth 
 
 When they deal directly with widows, 
 they want a class that knows nothing of 
 business. Stowe. 
 
 June Twenty-seventh 
 
 Then let him write her a bill of divorce- 
 ment and give it in her hand and send her 
 out of his house. Deut. wiv : I. 
 
 June Twenty-eighth 
 
 " Ah, sweetest one, may I be your captain 
 and guide your bark down the sea of life? " 
 " No. But you can be my second mate." 
 Exchange.
 
 One of the chief inducements to marry 
 a widow is the conversation that ought to 
 result from her enlarged experience of life. 
 Edward Stanton Martin. 
 
 June Thirtieth 
 
 " I celebrate June Thirtieth as Independ- 
 ence Day." 
 
 " Isn't that a trifle early ? " 
 
 " It's the day on which I secured my 
 firsl divorce." Judge.
 
 "You say his wife's a brunette? 
 thought he married a blonde." 
 
 " He did, but she dyed." Wrinkle. 
 
 July Second 
 
 A law by which a widow should not 
 burn herself till she had conversed privately 
 with a young man. Since that time not a 
 single woman hath burned herself in Arabia. 
 
 Voltaire. 
 
 July Third 
 
 To the diplomatic widow, man is simply 
 an open book. She plays upon his weak- 
 nesses as upon a harp with a thousand strings. 
 Dorothy Dix. 
 
 July Fourth 
 
 Widows are dangerous animals to be at 
 large. J.W.Stowe.
 
 July Fifth 
 
 Wanted A nice young girl of affec- 
 tionate disposition willing to make a good- 
 looking bachelor happy. Previous expe- 
 rience not necessary. _\y ajp . 
 
 July Sixth 
 
 In buying a horse and taking a wife, 
 
 Shut your eyes and trust God for your life. 
 
 Italian Proverb. 
 
 July Seventh 
 
 A Bunch of Cash, with figures not too Few, 
 A Mine of Gold, a Government Bond or 
 
 Two, 
 And Youth and Beauty and Cupid ever near 
 
 her, 
 A Widow's lot is not so Worse, think You ? 
 
 Widow. 
 
 July Eighth 
 
 Drying a widow's tears is an expensive 
 luxury. Dorothy Da.
 
 July Ninth 
 
 Wake! for the Son that scatters into flight 
 The Sighs and Tears that make you such a 
 
 fright, 
 
 Drives them along, away, forever, and 
 Knocks Your Widow's mourning Higher 
 
 than a Kite ! Widow. 
 
 July Tenth 
 
 Love makes time pass and time makes 
 love pass. Proverb. 
 
 July Eleventh 
 
 Divorce is necessary in advanced civili- 
 zation. Montesquieu. 
 
 July Twelfth 
 
 Woman, by nature, is a thing of change. 
 
 Petrarch.
 
 They can show no mercy to the widow. 
 
 Barnich. 
 
 July Fourteenth 
 
 God has to me sufficiently been kind, 
 To Take my husband, and leave me here 
 behind. Anonymous. 
 
 July Fifteenth 
 
 Whoso has married once and seeks a 
 second wedding, is a shipwrecked man who 
 sails twice through a difficult gulf. 
 
 Greek Epigramme. 
 
 July Sixteenth 
 
 A mistress I've lost, it is true ; 
 
 But one comfort attends the disaster : 
 That had she my mistress remained, 
 
 I could not have called myself master. 
 Epigramme* Old and New.
 
 July Seventeenth 
 
 He that marries a widow and three chii- 
 dren marries four thieves. 
 
 Spanish Proverb. 
 
 July Eighteenth 
 
 Said Jan, twice wedded to a scolding wife, 
 " Church-going's the greatest pleasure of my 
 
 life; 
 
 'Tis strange and sweet to see a man, oh, rare ! 
 Keep full five hundred women quiet there." 
 Dutch Epigramme. 
 
 July Nineteenth 
 
 The greatest merit of some men is their wife. 
 
 Poincelot. 
 
 July Twentieth 
 
 There was a rime when the ideal condi- 
 tion coveted by women who craved unlim- 
 ited freedom, was that of a widow with one 
 child. Edward Stanton Martin.
 
 July Twenty-first 
 
 Let no Mandalay in his effort to seize 
 The Widows Three, or just one if he please, 
 There are others, I know, quite Simla to 
 
 these. 
 And the diff'rence not one man in Seven 
 
 Seas. Widow. 
 
 July Twenty-second 
 
 Two consorts in heaven are not two, but 
 one angel Swedenborg. 
 
 July Twenty-third 
 
 " Please take the medicine, wife, and I'll 
 be hanged if it doesn't cure you." 
 
 "Oh, I'LL take it, then, for it is sure to 
 do good one way or another." 
 
 July Twenty-fourth 
 
 Marriage is a feasl where the grace is 
 sometimes better than the dinner. 
 
 Colton.
 
 It is never too late to wed." 
 
 July Twenty-sixth 
 
 The cause of his death was a compli- 
 cation of diseases, madam. 
 
 Widow Ah! that was so like him! 
 He was always versatile in everything. 
 
 The Wasp. 
 
 July Twenty-seventh 
 
 " You say Grace married into the smart 
 set>" 
 
 " Gracious, no ; she was divorced into it." 
 Baltimore Herald. 
 
 July Twenty-eighth 
 
 A young widow has established a pistol 
 gallery. Her qualifications as a teacher of 
 the art of dueling are of course undoubted. 
 Has she not killed her man? 
 
 Louisville Journal.
 
 I 
 
 " I have here one divorce notice and 
 one marriage announcement," said the editor's 
 assistant. "What caption shall I put on 
 them ? " 
 
 " Run them together and head them 
 " Breaks and Couplings," replied the railway 
 editor. Exchange. 
 
 July Thirtieth 
 
 But when he called on Sally Brown 
 
 To see how she got on, 
 He found she'd got another Ben 
 
 Whose Christian name was John. 
 Thomas Hood. 
 
 July Thirty-firft 
 
 Widowhood grows yearly less necessary. 
 
 Edward Stanton Martin.
 
 August Firft 
 The giddy widow is an ever-present danger. 
 
 "Some men are awfully unfortunate. 
 You remember Smith, whose wife died last 
 year?" 
 
 . 
 
 " Well, he's got married again." 
 
 TheWaip. 
 
 August Third 
 
 A daughter of Eve for such was the 
 widow Wadman had better be fifty leagues 
 off than make a man the object of her atten- 
 tions when the house and all the furniture 
 are her own. Sterne. 
 
 August Fourth 
 
 What is a first love worth, except 
 To prepare for a second ? 
 
 What does a second love bring? 
 Only regret for the first. 
 
 -John Hay.
 
 If once I loved him? Dear, I cannot say; 
 All things have changed to me since he 
 
 was here ; 
 
 I thought to die when firft he went away, 
 And now I name his name without a 
 tear. Anonymous. 
 
 Auguft Sixth 
 
 Is it dyin* ye're shpakin' of ? What would I do, 
 An unmarried widda in mournin* for you ? 
 David L. ProudfiL 
 
 August Seventh 
 
 It is better to have courage than a wife. 
 A man can't have both. Life. 
 
 August Eighth 
 
 The widow knows man as merely a fal- 
 lible human institution and she works him for 
 all that he is worth. Dorothy Dix.
 
 August Ninth 
 
 The instances that second marriage move 
 Are bast respects of thrift and not of love. 
 
 Shakespeare. 
 
 August Tenth 
 
 Faith, I thought him dead, not he I 
 There he loves with ten-fold glee ; 
 
 And now this moment with his wings, 
 I feel him tickling my heart-strings. 
 Cupid Swallowed. 
 
 August Eleventh 
 
 Court in haste but marry at leisure. 
 
 Widow'* Maxim . 
 
 August Twelfth 
 
 As you may find, whene'er you like to find 
 
 her, 
 
 One man alone at first her heart can move ; 
 She then prefers him in the plural number, 
 Not finding that the additions much encumber. 
 
 Byron.
 
 August Thirteenth 
 
 Mrs. Morris " Since I have been mar- 
 ried I have had only one wish ungratified." 
 Mr. Morris "And what is that, dear?" 
 Mrs. Morris "That I were single 
 again." Life. 
 
 August Fourteenth 
 
 The pure one loved him to the day he died, 
 . But when he died, his dearest friend she wed. 
 James B. Benul. 
 
 August Fifteenth 
 
 "There never was a nicer woman as a 
 widder, than that 'ere second wentur o* mine, 
 a sweet cretur she was, Sammy; and 
 all I can say on her now, is, that as she was 
 such an uncommon pleasant widder, it's a 
 great pity she ever changed her condition." 
 
 Die kens. 
 
 August Sixteenth 
 
 Alas I you see of how slight metal 
 widows* vows are made. Chapman.
 
 
 Widows are held in such esteem, that an 
 artificial species is cultivated, called straw, or 
 grass widows, from their habit of making hay 
 while the sun shines. Dorothy Dix.
 
 Ah, matrimony, thou art like to Jeremiah's figs, 
 The good were very good, the bad too sour to 
 feed to pigs ! _ p eter Pindar.
 
 August Seventeenth 
 
 It tells me how short lived widows' tears 
 are, that their weeping is in truth but laugh- 
 ing under a mask, that they mourn in their 
 gowns and laugh in their sleeves. 
 
 Chapman. 
 
 August Eighteenth 
 
 But few men who have gone out to con- 
 sole widows have returned unscathed. 
 
 Dorothy Dix. 
 
 August Nineteenth 
 
 " Maids are either harmless, or will be- 
 come so, but with a widow the iting is never 
 gone." 
 
 August Twentieth 
 
 The widow about to remarry is the 
 most unselfish of mortals. She seldom thinks 
 of number one.
 
 The head and the heart in the game of love 
 
 Musi each play a separate part ; 
 But we'll pardon a girl with a cold in her 
 
 head, 
 If she'll only be warm in the heart. 
 
 -Life. 
 
 Auguft Twenty-second 
 
 " Do you think old maids live longer than 
 widows ? " 
 
 Old maid " It seems longer." 
 
 August Twenty-third 
 
 That's what a man wants in a wife, 
 mostly : he wants to make sure o* one fool 
 as '11 tell him he's wise. George Eliot. 
 
 August Twenty-fourth 
 
 Husbands are in heaven whose wives 
 chide them not. Proverb. 

 
 " No man is a romantic hero to a widow.** 
 
 August Twenty-sixth 
 
 The chain of wedlock is so heavy that 
 it takes two to carry it sometimes three. 
 Akx. Dumas. 
 
 August Twenty-seventh 
 
 "And how long have you been a 
 widow ? " 
 
 " Oh, the year was up yesterday ; but 
 indeed you must give me at least a month 
 to get ready." 
 
 When he got outside again, he mur- 
 mured, "Now I know what old Weller 
 meant." _ The Wasp. 
 
 August Twenty-eighth 
 
 It is mere folly for a man to underesti- 
 mate the danger he runs from a widow. 
 
 Dorothy Dix.
 
 August Twenty-ninth 
 
 Are you not ashamed to enforce a poor 
 widow to so rough a course ? 
 
 Shakespeare. 
 
 August Thirtieth 
 
 Cupid has no trouble keeping Lent ; 
 For since with flame his year is spent, 
 He muit have lots of ashes. p uc k. 
 
 August Thirty-fir^ 
 
 After such years of dissension and strife. 
 
 Some wonder that Peter should weep for 
 his wife; 
 
 But his tears on her grave are nothing sur- 
 prising, 
 
 He's laying her dust, for fear of its rising. 
 
 Hood.
 
 Was never widow had so dear a loss ! 
 
 Shakespeare. 
 
 September Second 
 
 For she saith in her heart, I sit a queen, 
 and am no widow and shall see no sorrow. 
 Rev. xviii : 7. 
 
 September Third 
 
 " And so you are married joined for life ?" 
 "Oh, it's hardly that bad ! " 
 
 September Fourth 
 
 Parke "Wiggson married a widow, 
 didn't he?" 
 
 Lane " Yes." 
 
 Parke "I wonder how he likes her 
 former husband ? " Puck.
 
 She had tasted thje sweets of wedded 
 life, but somehow single blessedness, decked 
 in the latest modes of widow's weeds, offered 
 her a more alluring programme. 
 
 Malcolm C. Salomon. 
 
 September Sixth 
 
 The dearest object to a married man 
 should be his wife ; but it is not infrequently 
 her clothes. _ Danbury News Man. 
 
 September Seventh 
 
 A little widow is a dangerous thing ; but 
 is there not always a fascination in dangerous 
 things ? _ Malcolm C. Salomon. 
 
 September Eighth 
 
 Being a widow, rightly understood, gives 
 a woman many privileges that no other 
 woman possesses. _ Dorothy Dix.
 
 It does not matter whom you marry, for 
 you will find next morning you have married 
 some one else. S. Rogers. 
 
 September Tenth 
 
 Whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good thing. 
 
 Proverbs. 
 
 September Eleventh 
 
 A young man in the Weft has written 
 home : " Send me a wig." And his fond 
 parents don't know whether he is scalped or 
 manned. Danbury News Man. 
 
 September Twelfth 
 
 Heaven preserve you ever from that dull 
 blessing, an obedient husband. 
 
 John Tobin.
 
 September Thirteenth 
 
 " By George ! if I were in your place I 
 would apply for a divorce." 
 
 " I'd like to, but she won't let me." 
 
 Indianapolis Journal. 
 
 September Fourteenth 
 
 George Washington was rejected by at 
 least one young lady and finally had to marry 
 a mere widow. Judge. 
 
 September Fifteenth 
 
 Divorce Lawyer "What's the cause, 
 madam ? " 
 
 Client "I have been married two 
 years." Puck. 
 
 September Sixteenth 
 
 One husband on earth is worth two 
 underground. Widow.
 
 September Seventeenth 
 
 A woman enjoys two days of happiness 
 on earth: when she takes a husband and 
 when she buries him. Anonymous. 
 
 September Eighteenth 
 "Widows are witches, don't you think?** 
 
 September Nineteenth 
 
 Widow Black " Whad meks you fink 
 he's gwine to propose at last ? " 
 
 Widow Grey "Kase I kin tell from 
 his hungry looks and his seediness dat he 
 cain't suppo't hisself much longer." 
 
 Harper's Bazar. 
 
 September Twentieth 
 
 Many overhasty widows cut their years 
 of mourning very short and within a few 
 weeks make post-speed to a second marriage. 
 
 Fuller.
 
 September Twenty*nr& 
 
 Handsome widows, after a twelvemonth, 
 enjoy a latitude and longitude without limit. 
 
 Balzac. 
 
 September Twenty-second 
 
 Marriage: an institution where one per- 
 son undertakes to provide happiness for two. 
 
 Mme. Roland. 
 
 September Twenty-third 
 
 It destroys one's nerve* to be amiable 
 every day to the same human being. 
 
 Beaconsfield. 
 
 September Twenty-fourth 
 
 If a widower buys a new tie and k is of 
 a bright color, his daughters begin to grow 
 suspicious. Atchiwn Globe.
 
 September Twenty-fifth 
 " All the world loves a widow.** 
 
 September Twenty-sixth 
 
 "Do you think that was a fortunate 
 marriage ? " asked the minister's wife. 
 
 " Oh, yes, very ! " replied the reverend 
 gentleman ; " I needed the money." 
 
 Yonkcrs Statesman. 
 
 September Twenty-seventh 
 
 Mrs. Black " They say he's dreadfully 
 henpecked." 
 
 Mrs. Dash "Henpecked! why the 
 man does not even dare to get a divorce." 
 Harper's Bazar. 
 
 September Twenty-eighth 
 
 A woman keeps her firs! love long if she 
 happens not to take a second. 
 
 Rochefoucauld.
 
 September Twenty-ninth 
 
 " Yes, sir, it's a fact that married men live 
 longer than single ones." 
 
 "And do you know the reason, sir? 
 The miserable wretches don't dare die." 
 Harper's Bazar. 
 
 September Thirtieth 
 
 First Soubrette " What is the cause of 
 the divorce ? " 
 
 Second Soubrette " Both intend to star 
 next season," Exchange.
 
 f 
 
 m 
 
 October Fir 
 
 Maude " Is she married ? " 
 Mabel " No, unmarried for the fourth 
 rime." Harper's Bazar. 
 
 Odlober Second 
 
 Now, if you musT: marry, take care she 
 
 is old; 
 A troop-sergeant's widow's the nicest, I'm 
 
 told; 
 
 For beauty won't help if your rations is cold, 
 Nor love ain't enough for a soldier. 
 
 Kipling. 
 
 Odober Third 
 
 Your spouse, who husbands dear hath 
 
 buried seven, 
 Stands a bad chance to make the number 
 
 even. Martial. 
 
 Odober Fourth 
 
 Marriage is a lottery; every wife does 
 not become a widow. I. Zangwill.
 
 Bachelors are providential beings ; God 
 created them for the consolation of widows. 
 
 J. de Finod. 
 
 Odober Sixth 
 
 A man without a wife is but half a man. 
 Benjamin Franklin. 
 
 Odlober Seventh 
 
 No wise man ever married ; but for a 
 fool it is the mo& ambrosial of all possible 
 future slates. Byron. 
 
 Odober Eighth 
 
 Now a little widow is perilously fascina- 
 ting; her very littleness constitutes an ele- 
 ment of danger, since it coaxingly compels 
 sympathy. _ Malcolm C Salomon.
 
 "Sacred to the memory of my dearly 
 beloved wife,. Mary. Ditto Jane." 
 
 Epitaph. 
 
 October Tenth 
 
 It is but a shallow philosophy that under- 
 rates the married ftate; and he who bids 
 you avoid matrimony because he has tried it 
 and failed, is a fool for his pains. 
 
 Malcolm C. Salomon. 
 
 O<5lober Eleventh 
 
 We would the widow wed ; she's old, say I, 
 But if she older were, I would comply. 
 
 Martial. 
 
 Odtober Twelfth 
 
 To be a widow is a mournful slate ; 
 Delia was wise and made one moon its date. 
 
 Anonymous.
 
 Your wise man will never marry his firs! 
 l ve - Malcolm C Salomon. 
 
 Odlober Fourteenth 
 
 From your breast you may pluck 
 
 His dart, if you will, 
 But the place where it struck 
 
 Will be sensitive still. 
 
 Odtober Fifteenth 
 
 Star "I have had my diamonds stolen 
 three times and been married four. Now 
 what else can I do ? " 
 
 Manager "You might lake lessons in 
 acting." Puck. 
 
 Odober Sixteenth 
 'A widow and her money are soon married."
 
 Odober Seventeenth 
 Widows differ; maids are all alike. 
 
 Odober Eighteenth 
 
 The law allows one husband to one wife, 
 But wives will seldom brook the straightened 
 
 life; 
 They must have two ; besides her Jack, each 
 
 Jill, 
 In spite of law and gospel, weds her will. 
 
 Exchange. 
 
 Odober Nineteenth 
 
 When one sympathizes with a widow, 
 when one says, " Poor little woman " one 
 is lost. _ Malcolm C. Salomon. 
 
 Odober Twentieth 
 
 She was so pious during Lent, 
 I thought it best to shun her, 
 
 So she'd have leisure to repent ; 
 
 But in the forty days so spent, 
 My rival wooed and won her. 
 
 Life.
 
 October Twenty-firft 
 " Needs must when the widow drives." 
 
 October Twenty-second 
 
 "Are you going to sue him for breach 
 of promise?" 
 
 "No. Dick always signed his letters 
 ' without recourse.' " _ Lif e . 
 
 October Twenty-third 
 
 Man flattering man not always can prevail, 
 But woman flattering man can never fail 
 
 Marriott. 
 
 October Twenty-fourth 
 
 A place under government was all that 
 
 Paddy wanted ; 
 He married soon a scolding wife, and his 
 
 wish was granted. . - Anonymous.
 
 Odober Twenty-fifth 
 
 Why should she be condemned to wear 
 moral sackcloth and ashes all her life because 
 she is a widow and does not choose to marry 
 again ? _ Malcolm C. Salomon. 
 
 Odtober Twenty-sixth 
 
 Though marriage by some folks be reckoned 
 
 a curse, 
 Three wives did I marry, for better or 
 
 worse; 
 The nrsl for her person, the next for her 
 
 purse, 
 The third for a warming pan, dodtor and 
 
 nurse. Thomas Baftard, of Oxford. 
 
 Odtober Twenty-seventh 
 
 If you'd be married, firs! grow young, 
 Wear a mask and hold your tongue. 
 
 Proverb. 
 
 Odtober Twenty-eighth 
 
 And withal they learn to be idle, wan- 
 dering about from house to house. 
 
 I Tim. v: 13.
 
 Odlober Twenty-ninth 
 
 There is a great charm in loving a woman 
 who is versed in the lore of love and who 
 is practiced in all the sleight-of-heart tricks 
 rt Malcolm C. Salomon. 
 
 Odlober Thirtieth 
 
 And there came a certain poor widow 
 and she threw in two mites, which make a 
 farthing. _ Mark xii: 42. 
 
 Odtober Thirty-fir^ 
 
 And not only idle, but tattlers also, and 
 busybodies, speaking things which they 
 ought not. I Tim. v: 13.
 
 If a man do not eredt in this age his own 
 tomb ere he dies, he shall live no longer in 
 monument than the bell rings and the widow 
 weeps. Shakespeare. 
 
 November Second 
 
 Raillery! Raillery! madam, we've no 
 animosity. We hit off a little wit now and 
 then, but no animosity. Congreve. 
 
 November Third 
 
 Not whom you marry, but how much 
 you marry, is the real question 
 
 Whipple. 
 
 November Fourth 
 
 " They tell me, Daniel, you've had four 
 wives." 
 
 Daniel (proudly) " Ess, zur, I *ave 
 and what's more, two of 'em was good 'uns ! " 
 San Francisco News Letter.
 
 The little widow is experienced, acces- 
 sible and free, and withal fatally fascinating. 
 
 Malcolm C. Salomon. 
 
 November Sixth 
 
 " Haven't you loft your wife ? " inquired 
 the gravestone agent. 
 
 " Why, yes, I have, " said the man, "but 
 no grave&one ain't necessary ; you see the 
 cussed critter ain't dead. She's scooted with 
 another man." The agent retired. 
 
 Danbury News Man. 
 
 November Seventh 
 
 Give unto mine hand, which am a widow, 
 the power that I have conceived. 
 
 Judith ix:9. 
 
 November Eighth 
 
 He (desperately in love) " Don't you 
 think two can live as cheaply as one ? " 
 
 Widow (reflectingly) "Ya-as; but I'd 
 rather be the one." Puck.
 
 Let us oppress the poor righteous man, 
 let us not spare the widow. 
 
 Wisdom of Solomon ii: 10. 
 
 November Tenth 
 
 Do not the tears run down the widow's 
 cheeks, and is not her cry againft him that 
 causeth them to fall ? 
 
 Ecclesiafticus xxxv : 15. 
 
 November Eleventh 
 
 She is a dead shot with Cupid's arrow, 
 and never misses her mark. 
 
 Malcolm C. Salomon. 
 
 She was a woman without a paft. 
 
 Who? 
 
 Eve. 
 
 -Life.
 
 November Thirteenth 
 
 A little widow may be a dangerous 
 thing, but the danger is harmless. 
 
 Malcolm C. Salomon. 
 
 November Fourteenth 
 
 The remains of many eligible bachelors 
 who have slrayed away from their clubs and 
 been losl have been found by their anxious 
 friends reposing by the domestic widow's 
 fireside. Dorothy Dix. 
 
 November Fifteenth 
 
 He evil entreateth the barren that bear- 
 eth not ; and does! not good to the widow. 
 Job xxiv: 21. 
 
 November Sixteenth 
 
 The barrel of meal shall not wasle; 
 neither shall the cruse of oil fail. 
 
 1 Kings xvii: 14.
 
 Shall I woo the one or other? 
 
 Both attradl me more's the pity 
 Pretty is the widowed mother, 
 And the daughter, too, is pretty. 
 
 Eugene Field.
 
 She is a woman, therefore may be woo'd ; 
 She is a woman, therefore may be won. 
 
 Shakespeare.
 
 November Seventeenth 
 
 To the public eye the moil attractive 
 widow is the gay and frivolous one. 
 
 Dorothy Dix. 
 
 November Eighteenth 
 
 Among all her lovers she hath none to 
 comfort her. _ Lamentations i : 2. 
 
 November Nineteenth 
 
 Finally, I will search for things that are 
 little, avoiding all torch-lite processions, wim- 
 min's rights conventions and grass widders 
 generally. _j osh Billing,. 
 
 November Twentieth 
 
 How is she become as a widow ! she 
 that was great among the nations ! 
 
 Lamentations i : I.
 
 November Twenty-first 
 
 Neither shall they take for their wives a 
 widow. __ Ezekiel xliv : 22. 
 
 November Twenty-second 
 
 "I want some cards printed for 'Mrs. 
 Carrol.* " 
 
 " What's her other name ? " 
 
 " Ain't got no other ; her husband's run 
 away and left her." Danbury New*. 
 
 November Twenty-third 
 
 And all the widows Stood by him weeping. 
 
 Arts ix: 39. 
 
 November Twenty-fourth 
 
 And now a widow I mu mourn, 
 The pleasures that will ne'er return; 
 No comfort but a hearty can, 
 When I think on John Highlandman. 
 
 Burns.
 
 November Twenty-fifth 
 
 Where is the bill of your mother's 
 divorcement ? 
 
 November Twenty-sixth 
 
 "Ev'ybody knows there ain" no happi- 
 ness in married life till one of de ccntradtin* 
 parties done 'ceasled." 
 
 Harper's Magazine. 
 
 November Twenty-seventh 
 
 Whoso shall put away his wife, let him 
 give her a writing of divorcement. 
 
 Matthew v : 3 1 . 
 
 November Twenty-eighth 
 
 It has been found that the only way to 
 head off a widow is to kill it. 
 
 Dorothy Dix,
 
 November Twenty-ninth 
 
 " If ever you're attacked with the gout, 
 sir, just you marry a widder as has got a 
 good loud woice, with a decent notion of 
 using it." Dkkens. 
 
 November Thirtieth 
 
 Your seventh wife, Phileros, is now 
 being buried in your field. No man's field 
 yields him greater profit than yours, Phileros. 
 
 Martial.
 
 "It behooves a husband, if he would not 
 be forgotten, to slay alive." 
 
 December Second 
 
 The most common, and perhaps the 
 moft dangerous, is die weeping widow, 
 which may be easily distinguished by its 
 long, flowing black veil and pensive air of 
 melancholy. Dorothy Dix. 
 
 December Third 
 
 "The widow can bake, the widow can 
 brew, 
 
 The widow can shape and the widow can 
 
 
 sew. 
 
 December Fourth 
 
 Honor widows that are widows indeed. 
 I Timothy v : 3.
 
 Now she that is a widow indeed and 
 desolate, trusleth in God. 
 
 I Timothy v : 5. 
 
 December Sixth 
 
 " Take example by your father, my boy, 
 and be very careful o* the widders all your 
 Me." Dickens. 
 
 December Seventh 
 
 Mrs. Peachblow "Why does your hus- 
 band carry such a tremendous amount of 
 life insurance when he's in such perfedl 
 health?" 
 
 Mrs. Flicker " Oh, ju& to tantalize me! 
 Men are naturally cruel." uf e% 
 
 December Eighth 
 She that is a widow is a lady. Kent,
 
 The particular skill of the widow has 
 ever been to inflame your wishes and yet 
 command respect. Addkon. 
 
 December Tenth 
 
 Second marriage: "The triumph of 
 hope over experience. " Johnson. 
 
 December Eleventh 
 
 Lawyer " Incompatibility ? How does 
 this incompatibility manifest itself ? " 
 
 Lady "Why, 1 want to get a divorce 
 and my husband doesn't" 
 
 December Twelfth 
 
 "Thou art not the first man a widow's 
 love hath sent to the barber shop." 
 
 Exchange.
 
 December Thirteenth 
 
 These widows, sir, are the moSt perverse 
 creatures in the world. Addkon. 
 
 December Fourteenth 
 
 With his dying breath he bid me never 
 marry again till his grave should be dry, 
 even though it should take up four days in 
 drying- Oliver Goldsmith. 
 
 December Fifteenth 
 
 Lawyer "But, Mrs. Smith, there is 
 absolutely no ground for a divorce." 
 
 Fair Client "No cause? How long 
 do you imagine it requires for one to become 
 thoroughly tired of the name of Smith > " 
 
 Ue. 
 
 December Sixteenth 
 
 Both here and hence, pursue me lading strife, 
 If, once a widow, ever I be wife I 
 
 Shakespeare.
 
 December Seventeenth 
 
 None wed the second but who killed 
 the first. Shakwpeare. 
 
 December Eighteenth 
 
 If I have withheld the poor from their 
 desire or have caused the eyes of the widow 
 to fail Jobrai:16. 
 
 December Nineteenth 
 
 " The Bible distinctly says, ' Ye ask and 
 ye receive not, because ye ask amiss.' " 
 " Then ask a widow." 
 
 December Twentieth 
 
 In proportion as his passion for the widow 
 abated and old age came on, he left off fox- 
 hunting ; but a hare is not yet safe that sits 
 within ten miles of his house. Addiwn.
 
 December Twenty-fir 
 Man proposes and the widow accepts. 
 
 December Twenty-second 
 
 Come, Hurry up ! Cause the widow's heart 
 
 to sing, 
 Seal Pledge and Vow and Pleading with a 
 
 Ring ; 
 Or, if Cupid's dart has failed your Heart to 
 
 flutter, 
 To Cupid She won't do a Thing. 
 
 Ex- Widow. 
 
 December Twenty-third 
 
 Are you mirthful ? how her laughter. 
 Silver sounding, will ring out ! 
 
 She can lure, and catch and play you, 
 As an angler does the trout. 
 
 Anonymous. 
 
 December Twenty-fourth 
 
 How would you like to swap a ten-dol- 
 lar pension for a five-dollar man ? 
 
 Kansas Suitor.
 
 December Twenty-fifth 
 
 Men dying make their wills, 
 
 But wives escape a task so sad ; 
 Why should they make what all their lives 
 
 The gentle dames have had ? 
 
 Dryclen. 
 
 December Twenty-sixth 
 
 Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise. 
 
 Heywood. 
 
 December Twenty-seventh 
 
 Of old women, widows are most woeful. 
 Thomas Fuller. 
 
 December Twenty-eighth 
 
 The first moment the widow Wadman 
 saw him she felt something stirring within 
 her in his favor, something, something. 
 
 Sterne.
 
 December Twenty-ninth 
 
 But with a husband we demand 
 The coin that's current in the land. 
 Richard Realf. 
 
 December Thirtieth 
 
 In her firsl: passion woman loves her 
 lover ; in all others, all she loves is love. 
 
 Byron. 
 
 December Thirty-firft 
 
 " And when a widow's in the case, 
 You know all other things give place."
 
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