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DIARY 
 
 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES AND EXPERIENCE 
 
 SAMUEL SCOTT, 
 
 LATE OF HARTFORD5 DECEASED. 
 
 P. 
 
 Co set a Watchman, let him declare what he seeth. 
 
 Isaiah xxi. 6. 
 
 Gather up the fragments that remain, that nothing 
 be lost. John vi. 12. 
 
 And v/hat thou see'st write In a Bpok. 
 
 Revelations i, 11. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 PRINTED AND SOLD BY WILLIAM PHILLIPS, 
 GEORGE YARD, LOMBARD STREET, 
 
 1809. 
 
INTRODUCTIOIf. 
 
 The TeslimonT/ of Hartford Monthly Meeting, 
 
 CONCERNING OUR DECEASED FRIENDy 
 
 SAMUEL SCOTT. 
 
 THIS our beloved friend was born in Grace- 
 church-street, London, on the 2i5t of the third 
 month, 1719 ; and, as appears by an account left 
 in writing by himself, * was, in the seventeenth 
 year of his age, remarkably favoured with a divine 
 visitation; by which his understanding was en- 
 lightened, and the great beauty, heavenly order 
 and economy of a truly religious life, at seasons 
 even ravished his jt^uI:' and having walked in 
 conformity thereto till about the thirty-fourth year 
 of his age, he then came forth in the work of the 
 ministry, in which his gift was truly edifying and 
 convincing ; tending much to awaken the attention 
 of the careless and formal professor, to the weighty 
 concerns of truth and righteousness. 
 
 He was a man fearing God and hating covetous- 
 ness, deep in divine things, of a humble mind and 
 benevolent disposition, extensive in Christian cha- 
 rity, and unfeigned love to the brethren; very 
 useful in the discipline of the church among us^ 
 a 
 
IV 
 
 for which he was well qualified ; yet very diffident 
 of himself, ready to forgive, and seek forgiveness 
 even of the meanest. 
 
 During the latter part of his life, we were fre- 
 quently deprived of his company at our meetings, 
 especially those for discipline, by reason of the 
 prevalence of a disorder which had attended him 
 for several years ; notwithstanding which, he was 
 often in deep travail of soul for the restoration of 
 Inward rectitude, not only among us, but mankind 
 in general ; as also for himself, that he might find 
 a place of rest and peace. 
 
 A few days before his decease, being In a tender 
 frame of mind, he expressed himself to a friend that 
 visited him, in these words, — ^ I have done with all 
 things hut one, and that Is, V^'Tking out my soul's 
 salvation with fear and trembling, through Him 
 that worketh In me, both to will and to do of his 
 own good pleasure.' 
 
 His removal was rather sudden ; which, con- 
 sidering his anxious concern respecting that awful 
 event, was, we believe, to him a favour : and we 
 doubt not he is entered Into that rest which his 
 soul so ardently longed for. 
 
 He departed this life on the 2oth day of the 
 eleventh month, 1788, and was Interred the 30th 
 of the same in Friends burial ground at Hartford, 
 
after a very large and solemn meeting, being at^ 
 tended by great numbers of Friends, and also of 
 his neighbours, by whom he was much beloved. 
 Aged near Seventy years ; a minister about thirty- 
 six years. 
 
 Signed in our Monthly meeting held at Hartford, 
 the 2d of the Third month, 1789. 
 
 Jonathan Bell 
 James Brown 
 James Lucas 
 Special West 
 Stephen Haggcr 
 John Pryor 
 John Miller 
 James Blindell 
 Joseph Pollard 
 Stephen Hagger, junr. 
 
 Ann Nott 
 Mary Piyor 
 Sarah Rudd 
 Elizabeth Lucag 
 Hannah West 
 Ann Miller 
 Susan Morpot 
 Elizabeth Manser 
 
 Thomas Haggcr 
 George Blindell 
 Nathaniel Bray 
 William Stotcn 
 J^hn Aliis 
 John Brown J junr. 
 James Rokcs 
 James Brown, junr. 
 John Hagger 
 
 Mary Lucas 
 Mary Brown 
 Elizabeth Lucas, junr. 
 Mary Brown 
 Susannah Nutting 
 Susannah Lucas 
 Hannah Cook 
 Eleanor B. Stephens 
 
 a 2 
 
 ivill5824 
 
Catharine Bott Elizabeth Hobbi 
 
 Elizabeth Ilagger Ruth Blindell 
 
 Mary Jackson Sarah Pryor 
 
 Mary Brightwen Ann Pryor 
 
 Elizabeth Squire Elizabeth BartoH 
 
 Sarah Pryor Mary Sterry 
 
 Read and approved in our Quarterly meeting 
 held the 23d of third month, 1789, at Hartford, 
 and signed in and on behalf thereof, by 
 
 Wm. LUCAS, Clerk. 
 
 Such is the testimony to the character of the 
 Author of the following Diary by many of his 
 friends and neighbours, who appeared best quali- 
 fied to delineate the same. 
 
 Those who read the Diary, will probably observe 
 the difference which apparently exists between the 
 foregoing account, and the description he has 
 given of himself. His friends were chiefly guided 
 in their judgment by his general conduct and 
 actions ; but his spiritual eyes being opened to a 
 more extensive view of his real situation, his judg- 
 ment of himself appears to have been formed by 
 a comparison thereof, with that state of purity 
 wnto which all are called, and where all is beauti- 
 
Yll 
 
 ful, and not a spot or wrinkle can be discerned. 
 It was for this state that his spirit panted, and 
 short of which his soul refused to take lasting 
 rest J for he saw the " one thing needful," and in 
 degree tasted of that peace which prevails in Sion, 
 the city of the saint's solemnity. 
 
 For the attainment thereof, for obtaining the 
 unsearchable riches which are found in Christ, 
 and largely possessed when he becomes, in man, 
 his only hope of glory, his solicitude appears to 
 have been nearly unremitted ; as not small w^as 
 his anxiety, w^hen the beloved of souls withdrew 
 his animating influence; fearing that it was not for 
 the trial of his faith, that seasons of poverty and 
 abstinence were allotted to him, and deep bap- 
 tisms and conflict his frequent portion ; but that 
 it proceeded from just displeasure, and that the 
 Lord had therefore ceased to be gracious : whereby 
 his soul was cast down and disquieted, without 
 ability to adopt the encouraging language, ** Hope 
 thou in God, for I shall yet praise him, w^ho 
 is the health of my countenance, and my God.'' * 
 Thus desolate and disconsolate, he expressed him- 
 self in the pathetic language of the prophet 
 Jeremiah : '* Is it nothing to you, all ye that pass 
 by.'^ behold and see, if there be any sorrow lik« 
 
 « See Psalm xlii. 1 1. 
 
 a 3.; 
 
VIU 
 
 unto my sorrow," f But this is a path not un- 
 frequented by the regenerate •, who, haying attained 
 to the state of young men, are fed with strong 
 meat-, when, for weaning their affections from all 
 sublunary objects, from every thing that has not 
 endurance, but perishes with the using, and for 
 enabling them to receive and retain, without mix- 
 ture, the perfectly refined wine of the kingdom, 
 the bridegroom withdraws his presence, the sen- 
 sible succour of the spirit is not felt, and the earth 
 with her bars is closed upon them. Thus is poor 
 frail man apparently left in his weakness, v/ithout 
 a hand extended which is competent to succour, 
 or able to save •, that his dependance may be fully 
 proved, and his faith rendered more pure than the 
 fine gold of Ophir. But, though for a trying time 
 unfelt and unsesn, yet there is a hand, an Al- 
 mighty hand, stretched out for the preservation of 
 the children of the bridechamber, which preserves 
 them in afflicting extremities, and manifests itself 
 when necessary for salvation, or reward. This is 
 a path wherein the regenerate have trodden, and 
 Virherein our friend, Samuel Scott, had his faith 
 proved, purified and increased. But who are, even 
 in this respect^ so blind as the Lord's servants, as 
 the children of the Most High ? Humbled to the 
 f Lamentations i, 12. 
 
 m 
 
dust under a sense of their own unworthines?, 
 pressed upon by an increased view of their frailty 
 and entire inability for any good thought, word 
 or work, towards promoting their souFs salvation, 
 they are more prone to view dispensations of this 
 kind, as marks of divine displeasure, than for the 
 trial of their faith ; and therefore fear, lamentation 
 and mourning is their portion, until their hopes 
 are revived by the sensible renewing of that grace, 
 which gladdens the whole heritage of God. 
 Then " the wilderness and solitary place shall be 
 glad, and the desert rejoice and blossom as the 
 rose. It shall blossom abundantly, and rejoice, 
 even with joy and singing.'" * 
 
 The natural abilities of Samuel Scott were 
 above the common rank, and he was versed in 
 literature. Yet these he counted but as dung, that 
 he might win Christ, have a fellowship with his 
 sufferings, le made conformable to his death, and 
 experience the power of his resurrection. 
 
 The vast variety of dispositions which are found 
 amongst mankind, are, by some authors, supposed 
 to be formed by the mixture and predominancy of 
 one or other of the different temperaments which 
 the operations of grace do not destroy, but purify 
 and direct ; so that the lively in a state of nature, 
 « Isaiah xxxv, 1 . 2, 
 
will be found lively in a state of grace ; and the 
 zealous in nature will be found zealous in grace ; 
 but lively in a different pursuit, and zealous for 
 the attainment of a different object. When the 
 heavenly principle is in dominion, this variety, 
 M^hich in fallen nature tends to disorder, is reduced 
 into harmony, and forms a body, or whole, inex- 
 pressibly beautiful. How wonderful are the- ways 
 of Providence ! How gracious his design ! But 
 when any of these temperaments predominate, un- 
 seasoned by grace, they cast a shade upon, or 
 place in an unjust view, the ways of Divine Wis- 
 dom ; the paths of pleasantness and peace. 
 
 The melancholic temperament appears occasion- 
 ally to have prevailed in the author of the follow- 
 ing Diary 5 which, when seasoned and regulated by 
 grace, has been deemed the most favorable to a 
 religious life, being in its nature fixt, retentive, 
 and circumspect, prone to search, and anxious to 
 ascertain, yet cautious in receiving important 
 truths, but when received, tenacious in retaining 
 them 5 but which, in some instances, it is to 
 be feared, produced in S. S. sadness, where joy 
 might well have prevailed. But it is encouraging 
 and instructive to observe, how, through all the 
 conflicts and baptisms to wliich such a disposition 
 appears more peculiarly liable, there lived that, . 
 
ixl 
 
 Ts^Iiich many waters could not quench, or the 
 grave retain; and this at times in Samuel Scott, 
 beautifully broke through the dark clouds, and 
 shewed that all beyond, was harmony and light j 
 of which there is no doubt his afflicted anxious 
 soul at length gained permanent possession, when 
 the work was finished, and the tempeftuous waves 
 for ever ceased to rage. ^* O thou afflicted, tossed 
 with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will 
 lay thy stones with fair colours, and lay thy foun- 
 dations with sapphires, and I will make thy win- 
 dows of agates, and thy gates cf carbuncles, and 
 all thy borders of pleasant stones/' * 
 
 Here, reader, pause, and wisely consider that 
 although ^^ many are the afflictions of the righte- 
 ous, the Lord delivereth out of them all." For 
 *^ the Lord redeemeth the soul of his servants/' f 
 By repeated trials and afflictions permitted or dis- 
 pensed, they are induced to look at and duly 
 appreciate, the things that can only be discerned by 
 the spiritual eye of the regenerate, the things, that 
 are eternal ; and are also prepared to receive, and 
 retain, the unsullied joys of heaven. As affliction 
 and trials, well endured, produce the peaceable 
 fruits of righteousness, with quietness and assurance 
 for ever, although grievous when they prevail; how 
 * feaiah Hv. 11. 12. f Psalm xxxiv. 19. and 2% 
 
xu 
 
 Will they be estimated when the work is finished ? 
 when faith is lost in fruition, and uninterrupted re- 
 wards are possessed. Can they be viewed otherwise 
 than with awfulness and gratitude, as well ex- 
 pressed by a deeply-tried and experienced servant 
 of the Most High, when on the eve of ceasing 
 from his labours, and of receiving permanently 
 glorious rewards : ^ Many and painful have been 
 the probationary exercises of this life to me. Ah ! 
 were there probability of strength, how I could 
 enlarge, for my heart seems melted within me in 
 retrospective view 5 but all the former conflicts, 
 however grievous in their time, are lighter now 
 than vanity, except as they are clearly seen to have 
 contributed largely to the sanctification of the soul j 
 as they are remembered with awfulness and gra- 
 titude before Him, who has not been wanting to 
 preserve through them all 5 and as they seem likely 
 to introduce, either very shortly, or before a very 
 long time, to an exceeding and eternal weight of 
 glory.' * When afflictions are thus viewed; when, 
 as to duration, they are compared with the per- 
 manence of those joys which they may be said to 
 produce 5 and as to severity, with that exceeding 
 weight of glory which they ensure ; great will be 
 tlie encouragement to seek for patience during 
 ♦ 5fe Pietj Promoted, Jub Scotl. 
 
XIU 
 
 their continuance, and not small the desire, that 
 the design, in their prevalence, may be fulfilled. 
 
 Considerations of this kind are well adapted to 
 a state of probation, of infancy, and twilight; 
 where seeing only as through a glass, darkly, we 
 know but in part-, and truly profitable, as they 
 tend to prepare for an entrance into those realms, 
 where they see face to face, and know, even as 
 they are known-, where that which is in part, 
 shall be done away by that which is perfect 
 being come. * 
 
 R.P. 
 
 * 1 Cor. xm. 12. 
 
DIxiR\% h^c. 
 
 Apprehending that the keeping a Diary 
 might have in sundry respects been useful, and 
 contributed to an increase in the spiritual life, 
 essays have at various times been attempted ; the 
 last in the summer, 1776, on being relieved from 
 a disorder which I esteemed dangerous : but after 
 a short continuation, " The 'bough was lopped 
 with terror." 
 
 On the first day of the Sixth Month, in the 
 year 1780, and in the 626. of my age, I renew the 
 recording of some circumstances which have oc- 
 curred, and which may yet occur. The number 
 of my days, or, perhaps, only hours remaining, 
 being certainly few and evil, the present attempt 
 seems unseasonable. Nevertheless, if it please 
 the Lord to look upon It with approbation, " New 
 wine may be found in the cluster," and the 
 "Watcher and the Holy One may say, *^ Destroy 
 it not, for a blessing is in it." 
 A ' 
 
FxrTH Month, 1780. ^^ 
 
 14. I went up to the yearly meeting at Lon- 
 don, and attended divers of the meetings both for 
 worship and discipHne ; the former were in the 
 general large and solemn •, much peace presided in 
 the latter j brotherly exhortations were in love 
 imparted, and a concern expressed for the mani- 
 fold deviations from our ancient Christian testi- 
 monies, respecting ^' speech, behayiour, and 
 apparel/' Babylon is within ; but from her very 
 outlines were our ancestors called forth, and these 
 testimonies were committed to them and their 
 children, as increasing testimonies, until they have 
 filled the earth ; the customs of the people are 
 vain ; hat honour is the most unmeaning cere- 
 mony, the merest phantom that ever pride and 
 folly obtruded on their deluded votaries. 
 
 20. I returned from London to Hartford, 
 impressed with some sense of the preservations of 
 the preceding week ; sought a tribute of praise to 
 the Preserver of men; but, as on the mountains of 
 Gilboa, *^ there was no rain, nor dew, nor fields 
 of offering." 
 
 ar. I went to the forenoon meeting at Hart- 
 ford in distress of mind ; very unexpectedly some 
 qualifications for a public ministry seemed to 
 attend, the words presented were, " Work while 
 it is day, for the night cometh in which no man 
 can work j" an explanation of the nature of the 
 
work was attempted, accordingly as it is written, 
 " This-is the work of God, that ye beUeve in him 
 whom God hath sent :" a degree of solemnity 
 prevailed, 
 
 23 and 24. The quarterly and yearly meetings 
 at Hartford were not large, but measurably fa- 
 vored. 
 
 25 and 26. In my solitary retreats this inquiry 
 occurred, '' Wtien shall the fir-tree appear instead 
 of the thorn^^nd the myrtle instead of the briar, 
 that it may -be to the Lord for a name, and for an 
 everlasting sign that shall not be cut off." 
 
 27. I cautioned a neighbour against addressing 
 me with a flattering title ; the caution was received 
 in a friendly manner, and the propriety of the re- 
 mark allowed. 
 
 28. Mary Ridgeway and Jane Watson from 
 Ireland came to our house, and were at our meet- 
 ing on first-day ; the meetings were large, and 
 their service in them was lively and acceptable. I 
 sat with them in the gallery, but although some- 
 what elevated in respect to local situation, deeply 
 depressed in spirit -, esteeming myself not only 
 unfit for the ministry, but even to be an attendant 
 upon, or entertainer of, the Lord's servants. 
 
 Sixth Month, 1780. 
 
 3. It is written, " The voice of rejoicing and 
 salvation is in the habitation of the righteous 5" 
 
 A 2 
 
4 
 
 but for many days past my soul .haili been far from 
 peace: the roll v/ritten within and without with 
 mourning, lamentation and woe, hath seemed to 
 be the sole furniture of my solitary habitati^m. 
 
 4, In the forenoon meeting at Hartford, I sat 
 under a deep and almost agonizing sense of my 
 past iniquities, and frequent deviations from the 
 paths of peace *, not a penitential tear produced : 
 but wherefore dost thou complain, O my soul ! 
 for the punishmiCnt of thy sins ? The immaculate 
 Lamb, who knew no sin, suffered much more 
 abundantly ; " thou art justly in this condem- 
 nation/' " but he had done nothing amiss.'' 
 
 6. . With much reluctance, and under great 
 distress, I accompanied Samuel Spavold and John 
 Miller in visiting five families at and near Hoddes- 
 don; the gospel was preached; in one of them par- 
 ticularly so. Some cause of thankfulness for the 
 preservation and attendance of the day. 
 
 7. I was particularly condemned for con- 
 versing unnecessarily respecting politics and reli- 
 gion. Peace is thy profession. Labour to live 
 peaceably with all men. 
 
 8. I went to Ware with Samuel Spavold, and 
 visited five families ; I had in one of them a re- 
 markable opening respecting my own state, on 
 these words, " It is only the Lion of the tribe of 
 Judah," that can cause the '* lion and the lamb to 
 lie down together:*' my lips were sealed in silence, 
 
 9. This day was passed in serenity and com- 
 posure; a miracle of grace.. 
 
to. Much mischief hath been done this week 
 in and about the metropolis, on account of the 
 protestant petition having been presented, but not 
 immediately considered. O ! the infatuation that 
 the professors of religion, whose characteristic is 
 peace and love, should by any means become the 
 instigators of bloodshed and devastation; or that 
 they should at any time begrudge others the immu- 
 nities which they themselves wish to enjoy ! 
 ** Tell it not in Gath, publish it not in the streets 
 of Ashkelon," lest the infidels triumph. 
 
 12. I am convinced from a daily heartfelt sen- 
 sation, stronger than ten thousand arguments, that 
 until we cease to do evil, we cannot learn to do 
 well. No acceptable worship can be either inter- 
 nally or externally offered to the God of truth, 
 while we are acting contrary to the dictates of 
 truth in our own consciences. " There is no 
 peace to the wicked." ^' If we regard iniquity 
 in our hearts, the Lord will not hear us." " Let 
 him who nameth the name of Christ depart from 
 iniquity," These testimonies were formerly borne 
 by free-grace men, who lived by grace ; and they 
 will for ever baffle the efforts of antinomianism. • 
 The only ability to cease to do evil is in a divine 
 and supernatural principle, — the grace and truth 
 which comes by Jesus Christ ; or in other words, 
 in the Comforter, the agent and representative of 
 the holy head, by which he is present with his 
 people, always to the end of the world •, *^ Christ 
 in them the hope of glory." Some daysJiave been 
 
 A3 
 
 L 
 
6 
 
 spent under a sense of his presence, who said to 
 his servant formerly, " Walk before me, and be 
 thou perfect;" be all the glory ascribed to him 
 through Christ Jesus, our only Mediator. Amen. 
 
 1 8, The effusions of anger and evil-speaking 
 have been of late rather suspended, but the hosti- 
 lity within has been at times too sensibly felt. O 
 may not only the branches be lopped, but the root 
 eradicated ! When the creation was formed in 
 primaeval rectitude, the Divine Originator beheld 
 it was good; but how is the gold become dim 
 since the defection of the first Adam ; " how hath 
 the whole creation groaned, and travailed in pain, 
 even until now ;" and they who have received the 
 first fruits of the Spirit, groaned within themselves 
 for redemption from the bondage of corruption. 
 
 23. " By nature I was in ahr^ost all evil.'* The 
 seeds of corruption, which were sown in human 
 nature by the fall of our first parent, produced 
 many exuberant and bulky plants; some of which 
 were measurably removed in the day of an early 
 and awakening visitation ; others have since 
 seemed to perish, and their roots to die in the 
 ground, viz. infidelity, injustice, and the love of 
 money ; those which have been the most deeply 
 rooted, and most prevalent of later years, are 
 peevishness and impetuosity. May the command 
 go fortli from " the Watcher, and Holy One, 
 Hew down the tree, and cut off the branches, 
 shake off the leaves, and scatter the fruit." 
 
 25, The forenoon meeting at Hartford was 
 
rather lively ; a short testimony was borne to the 
 Lord Jesus Christ, ^^ the faithful and true wit- 
 ness." M. P. concluded the meeting very accept- 
 tably in supplication. 
 
 Seventh Month, 1780. 
 
 I. Bodily pain hath of late attended. The suf- 
 ferings which are sustained in this respect, being 
 unfelt by others, are much unnoticed and uncom- 
 miserated by them ; but they are known to Him 
 who is touched with a feeling of the infirmities 
 both of the saints, and of the most vile and abject 
 of his creatures, who are alike the works of his 
 hand : " for all things were created by him and 
 for him." O ! may my afflictions in the flesh be 
 sanctified by Him ^' who suffered without the 
 gate," whose head was crowned with thorns, 
 whose hands and feet were pierced. 
 
 3. At the monthly meeting, some difficulty 
 attended respecting the acceptance of a paper pro- 
 duced 5 my lips were sealed in silence; passiveness 
 appeared my proper province. Afterwards a 
 caution was imparted against holding the faith of 
 Christ with respect of persons, and against a spirit 
 of emulalion and personal dislike, as equally incon- 
 sistent with our Christian discipline. 
 
 4. I read Henry Brookes on Redemption, an 
 admirable poem. 
 
 9. The meeting at Hunsdon was large. '* GoA 
 A4 
 
was in Christ reconciling the world to himself/^ 
 The gracious interposition of the Deity, intended by 
 the apostle in the preceding expression, seemed 
 measurably attendant in a state of silence ; and 
 under the ministry of M. P. afterwards, there was 
 a dry wind from the wilderness. 
 
 15. Divers vexatious incidents were attendant, 
 and I was wanting in patience and resignation ; 
 capital virtues which calm the storms of life. I 
 was too fretful on slight and immaterial events. 
 
 16. After a long- waiting in deep poverty in 
 the forenoon meeting at Hartford, a degree of tra- 
 vail was begot both on behalf of myself and those 
 present : a short testimony was also borne to that 
 universal redemption which is in Jesus Christ, and 
 the necessity of an invv^ard application thereof, in 
 ourselves, and for ourselves. 
 
 20. I went to London. At times I was fa- 
 vored to look towards the God of patience and 
 consolation, but the want of due resignation 
 barred the influences which proceed from him'; 
 " for what doth let will let, until it be taken out 
 of the way." During this dispensation I consi- 
 dered the propriety of the apostolic injaticcion, 
 ^* Remember them who are in bonds, as bound 
 with them, and them who suffer adversity, as being 
 also in the body :" '' bear ye one another's burthens, 
 and so fulfil the law of Christ." A practical adhe- 
 rence to these precepts, next to the grace which is 
 sufficient and soul-saving, would be as the balm of 
 human life 5 it would alleviate the diversified cup 
 
that IS handed forth to mortals ; but how de- 
 ficient am I herein ; how deficient also are others. 
 30. Pretty early at the Park meeting, a degree 
 of solemnity clothed my mind, not without some 
 presentations for a public ministry, which, on prov- 
 ing, appeared immature. How suitably adapted 
 are the following precepts, not only to me, but 
 to all who at any time appear in the ministry. 
 *' Be more ready to hear, than to offer the sacrifice 
 of fools." ^' Be not rash with thy mouth to utter 
 any thing before God." And when thou speakest, 
 " let thy words be few." ** Be slow to speak.'* 
 All true and profitable ministry arises from the 
 ability which the spirit gives in a rightly exercised 
 understanding 5 as it is v/ritten, '^ I will pray with 
 the spirit and with the understanding also." Non- 
 sense proceeds not from the ability which the 
 spirit giveth. But what is nonsense ? Here it may. 
 be difficult to draw a line. '^ For the preaching 
 of the cross is, to tRem that perish, foolishness :" 
 and " the foolishness of God is wiser than man.^ 
 
 Eighth Month, 1780. 
 
 I. In the week-day meeting at Horslydown, 
 something opened by way of ministry; but waiting 
 under the opening, silence seemed most advisable; 
 and after long sitting the meeting closed lively. 
 I had rather refrain from speaking, when perhaps 
 I might have spoken with a degree of profit, than 
 As 
 
10 
 
 at any time to speak unprofitably. There are^ 
 comparatively speaking, but few ministers left 
 amongst us ; yet frequently many words are ut- 
 tered. The following sentiment, contained in the 
 Apology of that skilful minister of Christ, Robert 
 Barclay, is therefore, I think, worthy of the obser- 
 vation of all concerned. " Yea, we doubt not, but 
 assuredly know, that a meeting may be good and 
 refreshing, though from the sitting down thereof 
 to the rising up, a word may not be outwardly 
 spoken ; though the life may have been so known, 
 as that words might have been acceptably spoken, 
 and that from the life." Barclay's Apology, 6th 
 edition, p. 360. The above is not referred to as 
 an insinuation that the ministers now among us 
 are of a dissimilar dispesition from Barclay and 
 the brethren of that day, but rather as a caution 
 to myself and others, than as a censure upon any. 
 We are voyagers in a tempestuous ocean, stationed 
 on a sea of glass, surrounded on every side with 
 rocks and sands ; — may not therefore a little one, 
 who needeth himself to be more perfectly in- 
 structed in the way and work of the Lord, recal 
 the attention of the brotherhood to such beacons 
 as have been held forth by such, " who, through 
 faith and patience, inherit the promises." There 
 is a spiritual worship and introversion of spirit,^ 
 which excels outward ministration. In it, honey 
 is imparted from the Rock — Christ. 
 
 6. The general meeting at Cross Brook-street 
 was large, composed, and chiefly held in silence. 
 
11 
 
 •^ It is thy word, O Lord, whickhealeth/' ^^ The 
 word which was in the beginning with God and 
 was God ;" the same which in the fuhiess of time 
 was made flesh, and dwelt amongst men; and they 
 beheld His glory, as the glory of the only begotten 
 of the Father, full of grace and truth ; "of whose 
 fulness we have all received, and grace for grace." 
 ** I waited patiently for the Lord," said one for- 
 merly, ^^ and he heard my cry." In this patient 
 waiting is experienced the ministry of the spirit, 
 and the glory of Christ. 
 
 20. After long sitting, and some solemnity in 
 silence at our forenoon meeting, I stood up simply 
 with an opening on these words, " The kingdom 
 of God stands not in words, but in power." Some 
 more expressions were uttered in a testimony to 
 that kingdom, worship and work, which consisls 
 in the manifestation of a divine and supernatural 
 power. I sat down with a degree of freshness ; 
 but speaking a second time, I seemed to flatten 
 both myself and others. 
 
 22. Some good desires were attendant ; good 
 desires will not carry a man to heaven, but they 
 proceed from heaven, and tend heaven-wards, as it 
 IS written, " I| is God that worketh in you to 
 will." 
 
 27. I attended Mims general meeting; divefs 
 frieuds ministered to a mixed auditory. I was 
 much shut up, as I usually am on such occasions; 
 and may I never attempt to open by any efforts of 
 my own. 
 
 A6 
 
12 
 
 Ninth Month, 1780. 
 
 I. The parliament being dissolved, a general 
 election is coming on ; the devil cometh forth, and 
 hell from beneath-, the heart of man will be 
 moved for him, to meet him at his coming. The 
 present period is important and interesting beyond 
 many others ; but if it pleaseth infinite Wisdom 
 to punish a people for their iniquities, it mattereth 
 not whether it is done by one man or by many : 
 but it becometh not the members of our society 
 to meddle much in those matters, or to be active 
 in political disquisitions. Our duty and felicity 
 consists in peaceably acquiescing in the all-wise 
 determinations of Him, who ruleth in the kingdoms 
 of men. In respect to elections, we ought to go 
 no farther than voting for the candidates we best 
 approve, and declaring our preference of them, 
 without endeavouring by any pther means to in- 
 fluence others. " Israel is to dwell alone, and 
 not to be mixed with the people." 
 
 6. An excellent letter dispersed, concerning 
 the sin of perjury. 
 
 7. This day I voted for members to represent 
 the borough of Hartford, in the ensuing Parlia- 
 ment. To the best of my knowledge, I maintained 
 <^ a conscience void of offence," in the course of 
 the contested election-, only, by attending at the 
 polling place the second day of the poll, for about 
 two hours, contrary to the dictates of truth in my 
 
i: 
 
 own mind, I became wounded : my religious ex- 
 ercise was obstructed, and death and darkness was 
 the covering of my spirit for many days. Thus it 
 pleaseth infinite Wisdom to visit for our unfaith- 
 fulness j sometimes even in, what may be esteemed 
 by others, little things. 
 
 24. The forenoon meeting was large. This 
 day sharp doctrine >vas delivered, and seemed in 
 the general to be pretty well received ; the com- 
 passions which are in Christ Jesus being measu- 
 rably prevalent. 
 
 29. Recollection in weakness was this day ex- 
 perienced. 
 
 30. A member of our society having suffered 
 his premises to be illuminated, 1 was induced to 
 review the testimony of our ancient friends against 
 illuminations, — a testimony I have ever approved 
 and maintained with unremitting perseverance. 
 At one season the fleshly part w^ould have gladly 
 joined in rejoicing after the flesh. From my being 
 first convinced of sin, righteousness and judgment, 
 1 have been shy of receiving either doctrinal or 
 practical truths upon trust, or only because others 
 have received or believed them ; my concern hav- 
 ing rather been to try them by the law and the 
 testimony — " the law of God after the inward 
 man," and the precious testimonies of holy writ. 
 If all who profess the truth as held forth by us 
 who are called Quakers, were built upon the rock 
 of divine and internal revelation; the rapid inroads 
 of libertinism would be repelled, and deism extir- 
 
14 
 
 pated. But the law written on the fleshly tables 
 of the heart, the Scriptures of truth, and the ad- 
 vices of our brethren contained in their yearly 
 meeting minutes would, as a threefold cord, unite, 
 and not easily be broken. 
 
 Tenth Month, 1780. 
 
 8. At the forenoon meeting, truth measurably 
 prevailed in silence. I have often been fearful lest, 
 in our society, human reason and the works of a 
 mere moral and creaturely righteousness, should 
 be substituted in the place of the law of faith and 
 the new-creation work ; for according to the tes- 
 timony of our truly learned and deeply experienced 
 friend, Isaac Penington, " God is all in redemption; 
 God doth all, as fully therein as in creation ; it is a 
 new creation; yet the creature quickened and re- 
 newed, is in unity with him in its operations." 
 Penington's Works, vol. i. p. 526. All boasting of 
 supposed rectitude and self ability is excluded by the 
 law of faith ; if the most perfect compliance with 
 its requisitions was attained, the reward would be 
 not of debt, but of grace only ; but every de- 
 viation from the line of duty merits death, and 
 that condemnation which is most justly and right- 
 fully the sinner's portion ; as it is written, '^ The 
 wages of bin is death." 
 
 16. As I walked in the fields, the followinp^ 
 sentences concerning the incomprehensibility of the 
 
15 
 
 Supreme Being were suddenly impressed. ^* Touch- 
 ing the Almighty we cannot find him out." " He 
 comprehends all things, but is comprehended by 
 no man." "His ways are not as our ways, neither 
 are his thoughts as our thoughts." " There is 
 no searching of his understanding ; he giveth 
 power to the faint, and to them who have no 
 might, he increaseth strength." What is to be 
 feelingly and savingly known of him, is manifest 
 in man, by the revelation of his Son Christ Jesus j 
 as it is written, " He was the true light which 
 lighteth every man that cometh into the world." 
 And again, " For God who commanded light to 
 shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, 
 to give us the light of the knowledge of God in 
 the face of Jesus Christ ; but we have this trea- 
 sure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the 
 power may be of God, and not of us." 
 
 22. Standing up pretty early in a meeting, I 
 was soon doubtful of the rightness of my concern ; 
 or, at least, I was apprehensive of having stood up 
 too soon. 
 
 28. I was much solicited to engage in a con- 
 ference, between two friends, respecting miscon- 
 duct during the town election, but found no free- 
 dom to intermeddle with strife; my principal 
 business at present being in the vineyard of my 
 own heart. " My time is not yet come," said 
 the Saviour to his immediate followers. The Lord's 
 remark might not only relate to the matter then 
 proposed, but might also be intended as a watch- 
 
16 
 
 word to his followers, throughout, all generations. 
 Many of our society have suffered loss by hastily 
 engaging in supposed services, both in the mi- 
 nistry and discipHne, at the instigation of others, 
 without duly waiting to feel their own way. 
 
 29. I went to the forenoon meeting at Hart- 
 ford, in lowness of mind and pain of body ; after 
 some time of waiting, the nature of that charity, 
 so emphatically described by the Apostle, i Cor. 
 chap. 13. fell very unexpectedly on my mind, and 
 a short testimony was delivered respecting it. 
 S. R. and S. W. afterwards appeared in a line 
 somewhat similar j it was measurably a favored 
 season. 
 
 Eleventh Month, 1780. 
 
 I. A day of treading down in the valley of 
 vision; " the heavens being as brass, and the earth 
 as iron." 
 
 .2 and 3. There is no journeying for Israel 
 while the cloud rem^ains upon the tabernacle ; 
 these have been days of clouds and thick dark- 
 ness. 
 
 4. This day I was favored with some glances 
 towards that city, where neither sorrows exist, 
 nor pains annoy. 
 
 9. I walked by the Grange to Shad Thames, 
 with some desires after those comforts which are 
 in love, and those consolations which are in Christ. 
 May " the beloved of souls come into his garcf^n. 
 
17 
 
 and eat his pleasant fruits." **<Trhe fruits of the 
 spirit are love, joy, gentleness, meekness, tem- 
 perance and faith." They indeed are not profit- 
 able to God, nor meritorious in man •, but the most 
 minute or inconsiderable movements either in 
 mind or body, even to the giving a cup of cold 
 water, vi^hen performed by the leadings of divine 
 life, are accepted ; and the creature receives an 
 answer of well done, through him, ** who gave 
 himself to God for us, as an offering and a sacri- 
 fice, for a sweet-smelling savour." 
 
 II. The simple and sublime are admirably 
 blended in the prayer of Manasses, king of Judah, 
 when he was holden captive in Babylon. I read 
 it with some application to my own state, 
 
 1*8. Under pain of body and in distress of mind, 
 I was favored with some sense of those everlasting 
 healings which are in the High Priest of our pro- 
 fession. " The leaves of the tree of life are for 
 the healing of the nations." 
 
 22. I was visited by my friend Thomas Hartley, 
 who was just setting out for East Mailing j per- 
 adventure, we may never more meet in mutability 5 
 a final adieu, in respect to time, may have this 
 day been taken. The Park evening meeting was 
 a solid and satisfactory season ; some motions 
 were presented for a public ministry, but this con- 
 sideration crossing my mind — perhaps silence 
 may be attended with a degree of firmness and 
 pronriety, but in speaking there may be folly and 
 
18 
 
 weakness — I readf^^y received the intimation, and 
 my exercise was continued in silence. 
 
 Twelfth Month, 1780. 
 
 I, In the monthly meeting, the quarterly meet- 
 ing's queries were answered, and those present 
 reminded of " the bleating of the sheep and the 
 lowing of the oxen." The low estate of our 
 society was lamented, and the manifold deviations 
 which appear in a conformity to the world, in 
 speech, behaviour and apparel, and in respect to 
 the antichristian yoke of tythes, were in much 
 love and tenderness reproved. 
 
 20. The week-day meeting was held in silence: 
 this expression occurred, " Their spot is not the 
 spot of his children." Variance, wrath an^ strife 
 are the spots of an enemy, and his children, on 
 whom his diabolical features are im.pressed. May 
 I, in the multitude of the Lord's mercies, be fully 
 purged from them ! I afterwards received a letter 
 from a minister in our Society, expressing a fear 
 of being a castaway. " Thus deep calleth to 
 deep." 
 
 22. We possess many privileges 5 a consider- 
 able one is the cloud of witnesses who, however 
 diversified in character and sentiment, have united 
 in testifying, " that the Lord is good to them who 
 wait upon him, and to the soul that feeketh 
 him/' 
 
19 
 
 28. In the Park evening meeting, some in- 
 ward exercise and labor of spirit was experienced j 
 in it consists the essence of prayer. " God is a 
 spirit;" he needs not the medium of words. 
 ^^ There is only one Mediator, who was manifest in 
 the flesh, and offered himself a ransom for all;" 
 but remains an everlasting High Priest in the 
 sanctuary within. 
 
 First Month, 1781. 
 
 I. Since the commencement of the former 
 year, the messenger on the pale horse has arrested 
 many who, respecting age, were nearly my equals ; 
 their lot is for ever fixed ; I still remain ** in a 
 land of pits and drought." " Without are fight- 
 ings, within are fears." I may reasonably expect, 
 from my age and various infirmities, that the days 
 remaining will be few and evil. O ! may not the 
 spirit of prayer depart from me, but that the tra- 
 vail of my soul may be increased, until death is 
 swallowed up in victory. Amen, I attended the 
 monthly meeting of ministers and elders at Grace- 
 church- street j some exercise of spirit was main- 
 tained ; our worthy ancient friend, Isaac Sharpies, 
 had an acceptable time in testimony. 
 
 4, The meeting this day was chiefly held in 
 silence ; I experienced some enlargement in silent 
 prayer. 
 
 5. I pressed through the crouds, internally. 
 
so 
 
 to attend the week-day meeting at Gracechurch- 
 street ; a lion was in the way : upon the whole it 
 was a favored season. 
 
 8. I attended the quarterly meeting at Devon- 
 shire-house, and seven meetings in the week pre- 
 ceding : a necessary inquiry occurs ; — what im- 
 provement hath been experienced in the peaceaWe 
 fruits of righteousness ? 
 
 14. I had an inclination this day to sit with 
 my friends at Devonshire-house meeting, where 
 some inward exercise v/as experienced, and open- 
 ings were attendant in both meetings •, but it 
 seemed m.y proper business, rather inwardly to ad- 
 here to the inward exercise and the Great Opener, 
 than to minister in those assemblies. Between 
 the meetings, at J. R's, some time was spent in 
 retirement, and I had unity with my friends in the 
 exercise. The vision of the Holy One is not 
 wholly suspended, " nor the glory departed from 
 Israel," but dispensed as a seed sown in weakness. 
 We see at times darkly, as through a glass 5 v/e 
 know but in part, and prophecy but in part. 
 
 23. During a time of retirement in a friend's 
 family, a watch-word was imparted, but nothing 
 expressed; if the opening had been retained, it 
 might have been the means of preserving me from 
 some unnecessary discourse, which left me naked 
 and wounded, and caused me to lie down in sor- 
 row. 
 
 24. This day I read some of J. W's early 
 journals, being before acquainted with those of a 
 
later date. He appears from his early years a 
 diligent seeker after truth, " not slothful in busi- 
 ness, but fervent in spirit," serving the Lord ac- 
 cording to the apprehensions of the present hour ; 
 not one of those, of whom the Lord speaks by the 
 prophet Zephaniah i. 12. "I will punish the men 
 that are settled upon their lees, that say in their 
 hearts, the Lord will not do good, neither will he 
 do evil." His great activity in thinking, and a 
 hasty divulging of his present sentiments, hath 
 undoubtedly led him into many inconsistencies 
 and contradictions \ not having sufficiently prac- 
 tised the thinking and speaking with deliberation, 
 nor learned the spiritual import of these testi- 
 monies V " their strength is to sit still ;" *' in rest- 
 ing and returning shall ye be saved ^" ** in quiet- 
 ness your strength shall be." In each of his 
 journals are many mistakes, but some instructions 
 in righteousness •, I cannot justify or condemn him 
 altogether ; I believe he means well ; if I err, it i$ 
 on the charitable side of the question ; let them 
 who think otherwise try their own spirits. This 
 week I also perused the visions of John Engelbert, 
 a Lutheran protestant, published by Francis Ohcley 
 of Northampton, a seeker after spiritual and vital • 
 religion. A belief or rejection of some particulars 
 contained in them may be most safely suspended : 
 hov/ever mistaken, he appears to have been one 
 of great piety and devotion, a severe reprover of 
 the formal priests and professors of that time; by 
 v/hich means he became subject to great persecu- 
 
22 
 
 tions. He was also opened into various points of 
 doctrine, since promulgated by George Fox and 
 many brethren, viz. The necessity of the spirit's 
 teaching, and the superior excellence thereof to 
 the letter ; the salvability of the heathen through 
 Christ, and the internal operations of the Holy 
 Ghost upon their spirits ; the insufBciency of water 
 baptism, and an external commemoration of the 
 Lord's supper ; bearing a faithful testimony to the 
 one saving baptism and spiritual communion of 
 the body and blood of Christ. In the writings of 
 the mystics of former times, there appears to me a 
 great mass of abstruse and unintelligible matter, 
 and likewise some glimmerings of divine truth, 
 answerable to the feelings thereof in my own 
 mind, aS " face to face in a glass." Let us there- 
 fore, who are called Quakers, be cautious how we 
 adopt or reject in the lump, or at least join in the 
 cry of enthusiasm or fanaticism ; remembering 
 those epithets were plentifully poured forth on 
 our predecessors in profession, not only by the 
 openly profane, but even by some serious pro- 
 fessors, not themselves wholly strangers to inward 
 and heartfelt experiences, but shy of them in those 
 not wholly of the same sentiments. Some inward 
 concern and exercise of spirit hath been main- 
 tained, but at other times too much unprofitable 
 discourse hath been attendant. 
 
 28. In the forenoon meeting, those present 
 were recommended to an inward feeding after the 
 immediate presence of Christ their Saviour 5 some 
 
23 
 
 other points of doctrine were also touched upon 5 
 it appeared a solid and favored season. Having 
 been sometime absent in London, our friends and 
 neighbours seemed pleased with our return. It is 
 very agreeable to maintain the habits of good 
 neighbourhood and esteem fov each other; but 
 infinitely preferable is " the unity of the spirit in 
 the bond of peace." May it be increased and mul- 
 tiplied amongst us. Amen. 
 
 31. In the preceding night, unpleasing dreams 
 attended ; when I waked I looked to the Lord, but 
 thick clouds Vv^ere before me. 
 
 Second Month, 1801. 
 
 4. In the forenoon meeting at Hartford, faith 
 in God «nd Christ was recommended ; as it is 
 written, " ye believe in God, believe also in me." 
 
 5, In a meeting for discipline, my mind was 
 oppressed under a sense of some present not suf- 
 ficiently esteeming the sufferings of Christ, with- 
 out the gates of Jerusalem, nor having fellowship 
 with him in them •, and of a dark libertine spirit 
 that would trample upon those precious testi- 
 monies of the cross, delivered to George Fox and 
 others, against hat-honour, the heathenish appel- 
 lation of days and months, the unchristian lan- 
 guage of You to a single person, and the calling of 
 men, master, contrary to the express prohibition 
 of our blessed Lord, Matthew xxiii. 10. " Be ye 
 
04 
 
 not called of men, master, for One Is your Master, 
 even Chr-ist/' Some well disposed friends may, 
 perhaps, have strengthened these libertines by 
 laying too great a stress on externals : *^ for irl 
 Christ Jesus, neither circumcision availeth nor un- 
 circumcision, but a new creature*," and if those 
 called Quakers walked according to this rule, they 
 would neither wear gay clothing, nor give flatter- 
 ing titles to men. Much expense and exactness 
 in dress, sumptuous houses and costly furniture, 
 comport not with the seamless garment of a cru- 
 cified Saviour; who was himself the most perfect 
 pattern of plainness, and '' had not whereon to 
 lay his head." 
 
 9 and lo. These days have I been in the deeps. 
 ^^ Deep hath called unto deep." All the waves 
 and billows have gone over me. 
 
 ir. ''A grievous vision hath been declared 
 unto me ;" '' My heart and my flesh faileth." 
 
 1 8. I v/ent to the forenoon meeting in great 
 distress ; but soon after sitting down, was measu- 
 rably relieved by an opening concerning a dead 
 and a living faith; the former being barely an 
 effort of the human understanding gathered from 
 without, but the other proceeding from the ope- 
 ration of God upon the heart : the distinction was 
 stated in a short testimony. 
 
 22. This day I read the third part of the Pil- 
 grim's Progress ; I do not remember to have pe- 
 rused it for many years ; it is not so united with 
 the clouds of Calvinism as the other parts which 
 
25 
 
 were written by honest John Bunyan ; and as free . 
 from Arminian errors. The following sentiments 
 respecting prayer are peculiarly just and striking, 
 * Prayer is the soul's discourse or conversation with 
 God : now, seeing God knoweth all things, and 
 discerneth the secret thoughts of our hearts, it is a 
 thing indifferent, in private prayer, whether we use 
 words or not ; for the soul may discourse and con- 
 verse with God as well in silence as with words ; 
 nay, sometimes better :' in short, * my judgment is, 
 that in respect to God's hearing us, it is all one 
 whether we use words or not, either in public or 
 private/ Third part, bound, page 79 — 82. 
 
 28. During the course of the present montli 
 a little cloud arose, apparently no bigger than a 
 man's hand, which hath thickened so as to darken 
 the face of heaven, and pour down torrents of dis- 
 tress upon my poor soul. I have been broken by a 
 tempest, and my wounds have been abundantly mul- 
 tiplied, but the great Superintendant of the universe 
 ** doth all things well," his judgments are righteous 
 altogether ; we have all sinned, and fallen short of 
 the glory of God ; and manifold have been the ini- 
 quities of my youth, and more advanced years : 
 the Lord correcteth our transgressions with the rod, 
 and will not suffer our lives to go wholly unpu- 
 nished. Blessed are they whose sins are recalled 
 to their remembrance, and go beforehand to judg- 
 ment, that the. transgressors may be made 
 white, and purged by the blood of the covenant. 
 This day I again perused Joseph Bali's account of 
 B 
 
26 
 
 the dying sayings of his father-in-law R. Reynolds, 
 who had been near forty years a minister in our 
 society ; and in his last illness was freshly awakened 
 to a sense of sin, and brought to trust in Christ 
 alone for salvation, who was made sin for us, 
 *^ that we might be made the righteousness of God 
 in him.'* The great sin of our deceased friend 
 appears to have been too great an attachment to, 
 and assiduity after, the things of this world ; that 
 is not my foible 3 mine have been manifold. 
 
 Third Month, 1781. 
 
 12. Uneasiness and discontent were too preva- 
 lent. I was agreeably amused with Dr. Plurd's 
 Tribute to the Memory of Dr. Fothergill ; a 
 worthy performance. The extent of Dr. Fother- 
 gill's application to professional pursuits, to physi- 
 cal and philosophical correspondences and benevo- 
 lent communications, was indeed amazing; his 
 encouragement of genius in a further display and 
 extension of the works of nature, was indeed re- 
 spectable ; but much more abundantly so, was his 
 attachment to some doctrines of the Christian 
 religion, which, if not wholly rejected, are at least 
 but lightly esteemed by divers who are renowned 
 in the republic of letters. ' I should think myself 
 guilty of a neglect injurious to the memory of my 
 deceased friend, did I not observe,* says Dr. Hurd, 
 * that he abhorred the prevalent infidelity of the age. 
 
and gloried in the name of Christian.* He valued 
 the Scriptures as the repository of divine truths ; 
 and was never ashamed of those grand fundamental 
 doctrines, — salvation through the mediation of Jesus 
 Christ, and sanctification through the influences of 
 his spirit; and thus, by believing in God, it ap- 
 pears by the preceding anecdotes, that our worthy 
 friend was unremittingly careful to maintain good 
 w^orks. His steady adherence to some peculiar 
 testimonies to the simplicity of the gospel, held 
 forth by the Christian Society called Quakers, was 
 also peculiarly exemplary ; they being despised by 
 too many of his fellow-professors, under the pic- 
 ture of more liberal and extensive ideas, who are 
 themselves greatly his inferiors in that real libera- 
 lity of heart and sentiment, of which he was so 
 eminently a professor. 
 
 21. This day I have entered Into the 63d year 
 of my age, — an awful event ; to many it hath 
 proved the last of human life ; perhaps before an- 
 other I may be added to that number; but days and 
 times, signs and seasons, are in the hand of the 
 great Proprietor of the universe, who made the sea 
 and the dry land, and man as a monument of his 
 mercy. 
 
 23. This day, that exercise has been main- 
 tained which is the essence of prayer, and which 
 our Lord intended, when he said, *^ Watch ye 
 therefore and pray always, that ye may be' ac- 
 counted worthy to stand before the Son of Man.'* 
 
 25. W. T. and M. P. appeared in testimony; 
 B z 
 
 L 
 
^6 
 
 -something was freshly impressed upon my m'm4, 
 but the meeting ended well without any ministerial 
 additions. 
 
 31. During the last month, some propriety in 
 my outward conduct hath been supported, an 
 inward exercise and reading the holy Scriptures 
 have been daily maintained; nevertheless, I am as 
 a man that earneth wages, to put it in a bag with 
 holes; what spiritual profit is reaped in meetings, 
 or out of them, is too miuch, '' as the early dew." 
 
 Fourth Month, 1781. 
 
 I. First day ; in the afternoon a spirit of po- 
 verty and penitence was recommended, in a short 
 testimony, 
 
 4. At the week-day meeting, those present 
 ^were directed to the inward appearance of Christ. 
 
 I I . The duty of inward repentance, as it is 
 written, *^ except ye repent ye shall all likewise 
 perish," and of the mediation of Christ as repre- 
 sented by the dresser of the vineyard, being power- 
 fully impressed, was stated to those present ; a 
 idoor of utterance was measurably opened, and 
 some solemnity seemed to attend. 
 
 13. I attended the funeral of W. M. from 
 Horslydown meeting; sundry acceptable testi- 
 monies were delivered, under which I sat with 
 satisfaction ; I hope, likewise, in some degree under 
 the miniitration of truth, internally, for jny own 
 
2& 
 
 profit. ^^ I am not ashamed of the gospel of 
 Christ/* but would gladly proclaim to thousands 
 the glad tidings of the gospel, if properly influ- 
 enced thereto 5 ^^ but no man taketh this honour 
 to himself, but he that is called of God." It is 
 indeed somewhat strange that I should be so gene- 
 rally shut up from such an exercise, when my- 
 brethren in the ministry are present, or those not' 
 in profession with us, and have so frequently 
 something to deliver by way of testimony amongst 
 ^ few at Hartford ; but who is sufficient for these 
 things ? *' The wind bloweth where it listeth.'^ 
 " He that hath the key of David, openeth, and no 
 man shutteth-," but when he shutteth, no man 
 ought to attem.pt to open. 
 
 15. ^' Christ was delivered for our offences, 
 and raised again for our justification." I sat 
 under some solemn impressions thereof, and of the 
 necessity of believers being quickened together 
 with him ; but felt no necessity to utter words. 
 
 22 The forenoon meeting was large, and 
 friends were recommended to the word of recon*^ 
 ciliation within. 
 
 28. The spirit of prayer hath this day been 
 obstructed by unnecessary converse, which it ought 
 not to have been. ^* If any man doeth the will 
 of God, he shall know of the doctrine /* and again, 
 *' if any man be a worshipper of God, and doeth 
 his will, him he heareth :" hence it appears, that 
 doing the will of God, is necessary to render 
 B 7 
 
 M 
 
so 
 
 prayer acceptable. The will of God is our s^anctifi-r 
 cation;" the sanctification of our hearts and 
 mouths, as it is written, " Lo, this hath touched 
 thy lips, thy iniquity is taken away, thy sin i*. 
 purged." Iniquity is not only to be taken away 
 by remission and non-imputation, but sin is to be 
 purged by real renovation ; in order to our be- 
 coming the sons of God without rebuke. ^' In your 
 patience possess ye your souls,'' was the com- 
 mand of the great Master to his immediate fol- 
 lowers, and remains obligatory on us; not only in 
 the case of national and public calamities, but 
 also in respect to those domestic inquietudes, 
 which ^^ arise not out of the dust.'' 
 
 Fifth Month, 1781. 
 
 7. *' With my spirit within me will I seek 
 thee early," said one formerly. I am convinced of 
 the propriety of the exercise and the universality 
 of its obligation, and to will is present w^ith me. 
 In my way to the monthly meeting at Stortford^^ 
 amidst much weakness of flesh and spirit, some 
 hoverings of the anointed seemed to attend. I was 
 unwilling to shut out the true Opener, or what 
 might proceed from him , but at the same time, 
 shy of any particular impressions of matter ; being 
 ever desirous of entering religious assemblies 
 *^ neither bearing purse nor scrip," or ought but a 
 sense of my own poverty. In coming home, some 
 
31 
 
 unnecessary altercations would have preseiited, 
 which were through grace measurably repressed. 
 
 II. I was again at Stortford, at a meeting ap- 
 pointed for our worthy friends M. Ridgeway and 
 J* Watson, who returned with us to our house at 
 Hartford. 
 
 13. M. R. and her companion delivered ac- 
 ceptable testimonies, both in the morning and 
 afternoon meetings. M.R. in the forenoon recom- 
 mended occupations which were diligently and 
 prosperously practised by our worthy ancestors, 
 viz. digging and begging : a lively and pertinent 
 opening, on which she was enlarged with strength 
 and propriety. 
 
 19. Mental prayer and reading the holy Scrip- 
 tures have of late been practised; it is true that the 
 bare *' letter killeth," but a diligent, and I think 
 almost a daily, attention to these sacred records is 
 the duty of all; not so much with a view of imme- 
 diate satisfaction and sensible comfort, neither 
 with a view of laying up any stock in our memory, 
 but in a dependence on the spirit that quickeneth. 
 The ministers in our Society are particularly recom- 
 mended to be conversant in them, by the yearly 
 meeting 1702 and 1706. Nevertheless they ought 
 to have no treasury but the divine gift, — ^^ the 
 well of water springing up into everlasting life." 
 
 23. Being much indisposed in body, I attended 
 
 the week-day meeting with little expectation of 
 
 life or labour ; sitting down in great nothingness,- a 
 
 desire was impressed that all present might be 
 
 B4 
 
ss 
 
 earnestly seeking after that salvation which is onljr 
 attainable through Jesus Christ, for the remission 
 of their sins, and the sanctification of their natures ; 
 — a perseverance In the exercise as set forth in the 
 parable of the unjust judge and the importunate 
 u-idow, w^ere much illustrated in my mind. The 
 children seemed to be brought to the birth, but 
 there was neither strength nor freedom verbally 
 to bring forth ; towards the close, I was freshly 
 convinced that a ministration of the spirit in 
 one individual, may reach also to others, without 
 words. 
 
 28. In a meeting for discipline, I sat in pain 
 and bowedness of spirit, under a sense of forma- 
 lity and libertinism being too prevalent in our 
 society ; some resting too much at ease in the 
 form, and a pretty punctual compliance with it j 
 and others trampling on the witness in themselves, 
 and the precious testimonies of truth, in respect to 
 speech, behaviour, and apparel ; esteeming them lit- 
 tle things, or the productions of enthusiasm. Thus 
 hath the outward court been trodden under foot 
 by the gentiles. Instead of an inquiry ^* what shall 
 we do to be saved," a language hath been substi- 
 tuted by the formalifl and libertine : " The temple 
 of the Lord, the temple of the Lord are these ; 
 what shall we eat, what shall we drink, and where- 
 withal shall we be clothed ?" 
 
 30. I came from Hartford to London, In order 
 to attend the yearly meeting. 
 
Sixth Month, 1781. 
 
 9. I returned from London to Hartford 5 the 
 preceding yearly meeting had, in its several sit- 
 tings, both for ministers and elders, for business 
 and public worship, been measurably favored with 
 the attendance of that divine power which gathered 
 us to be a people. May never a frequent and 
 customary speaking of the life and power, be sub- 
 stituted instead of the thing itself; it being as pos- 
 sible to adopt a roaded use of such mode of ex- 
 pression, as of any other ; but may it really be 
 the crown and covering of our assemblies at all 
 times, and our glory for ever.- 
 
 23. The fruits of righteousness have been of 
 late measurably sown in peace j this evening, con- 
 demnation for unnecessary discourse was attendant. 
 
 Seventh Month, 1781.' 
 
 I . Our v/orthy friend Sarah Crawley of 
 Hitchin, attended both meetings. In the evening, 
 our friend W. S. of this town, very suddenly de- 
 parted this life. I attended his funeral, which 
 was large, on the 8th. When I heard of his de- 
 cease, he having been for some months indisposed, 
 I became doubtful whether I had not been defi- 
 cient in the visiting of him, and waiting for the 
 renewal of divine help and counsel. It is certainly 
 
 B5 
 
Si 
 
 a d[uty to visit the sick, and sit with them ; but in 
 sueh sittings words have been expected, and they 
 have been, perhaps, too frequently uttered in a^ 
 customary manner amongst us, as well as others. 
 
 13. Unprofitable disputations grievously pre- 
 vailed; we should never speak any thing but truth ^. 
 and frequently no advantage accrues from speaking 
 of what we most firmly believe to be the truth ;, 
 speaking often is folly, when in silence there is 
 strength. 
 
 14. I have lately perused, to my satisfaction, 
 and, I hope, spiritual advantage, sundry treatises 
 published in the last century, composed by Roman 
 Catholics and Puritans. I am glad to reap " the' 
 grape-gleanings of the vintage" from every quarter, 
 considering the Lord's vineyard to be of a great 
 extent, and ^^ his commandment to be exceeding 
 broad :" *^ there standing before the throne, of 
 all nations, kindreds, tongues and people, clothed 
 in white robes, and having palms in their hands^ 
 ascribing salvation unto God and unto the Lamb." 
 It is a great weakness in the Calvinists, and per- 
 haps in some others, that they reject every thing 
 that is not coined in their own mint, and reduced 
 to the standard of a supposed orthodoxy : they 
 may indeed narrow and limit themselves and their 
 fellow-creatures, but they cannot limit the Lord 
 of Hosts ; his ways are illimitable, " and his 
 thoughts are not their thoughts ;" *' the glorious 
 Lord being a place of broad rivers and streams."' 
 
 17. I was under condemnation for speaking too 
 
35 
 
 freely on various occasions ; in tlie multitude of 
 words there wanteth not sin, and what causeth sin, 
 causeth sorrow. The Lord is more pure than to 
 behold iniquity. *^ Salvation is only of grace 
 through faith." But every work and secret thing 
 shall be brought in judgment before a more per- 
 fect tribunal than that of human prudence and 
 partiality. ^^ Wash thou me, O Lord, and I shall 
 be clean ; '* purge thou me with the blood of 
 sprinkling, ^* that the bones which thou hast 
 broken may rejoice." 
 
 19. Being afflicted with pain of body, these 
 aspirations attended ; Lord, sanctify the chastening 
 of my flesh, that my spirit may be saved in the 
 day of the Lord Jesus. 
 
 25. A silent meeting, with the illustration of 
 these words, " He that doeth evil, hateth the light." 
 
 26. Before dinner, in Morgan's "Walk, with 
 feebleness, and amidst interruption, these ejacu- 
 lations were inwardly uttered; Lord, sanctify; 
 purify ; that I maybe perfected in holiness, accor- 
 ding to the measure of my faith in Christ. This 
 day and yesterday have been spent pretty satis- 
 factorily, although not without defects. In the 
 midst of bodily and mental pain, may my looking 
 be more and more unto him who was made per- 
 fect through sufferings ; not as to the purity of his 
 own nature, for he was the immaculate Lamb 
 who knew no sin, but in respect to the appoint- 
 ments and designations of the Father, for the re- 
 demption of mankind through him, and that he 
 
 B6 
 
S6 
 
 might be the more gloriously opened as a fountain, 
 not only to the house of David and the inhabitants 
 of Jerusalem, but to the whole race of Adam, for 
 sin and uncleanness. 
 
 30. This day being the summer assizes, the 
 judge came in. I am likely soon to appear before 
 the Judge of the whole earth ; at so important a 
 crisis, some are ready to say, we have faith, and 
 others, we have works •, I can boast of neither, 
 but can only say, " Lord, I believe, help thou my 
 unbelief ;" thou canst fulfil all the good pleasure 
 of thy goodness, and the work of faith with 
 power ; thy mercy reacheth the depth of misery ; 
 righteousness and strength are with thee, and one 
 day is as a thousand years* 
 
 Eighth Month, 1781. 
 
 8. The following aspirations were attendant ; 
 Lord, spare me yet a little longer, that I may 
 obtain an increase of strength and faith in thee ; 
 the work is thine: reform also my exterior con- 
 duct, shew forth my faith by my works ; 
 ^^ Instead of the thorn may the myrtle appear/' 
 Let thy works praise thee, and thy long suffering 
 be salvation. 
 
 25. Some feelings after the meekness and 
 gentleness which are in Christ Jesus, were this 
 day attendant. I read divers accounts of such, 
 who, near the conclusion of their lives, obtained 
 
S7 
 
 an evidence of peace with God, through Jesus 
 Christ. 
 
 31. After a deeply-exercising night, in which 
 the alarm of death was as loud within, as the tem- 
 pest without, I wrote out a fresh copy of my 
 will, which I design to- get speedily executed. I 
 have nothing to boast of, but many backslidings 
 bitterly to bewail ; nevertheless, since I have pos- 
 sessed some outward substance, I have been de«- 
 sirous to expend it in the most equitable manner I 
 could, and that my fellow-creatures, both pro- 
 fessor and profane, might partake of the benefit ; 
 and my own reputation, as an individual, hath 
 been pretty much absorbed in the consideration of 
 my religious profession, that none might have any 
 cause to reproach the blessed truth, as having a 
 narrow, illiberal, and selfish tendency. 
 
 Ninth Month, 1781. 
 
 12. I was attended with pain of body and low- 
 ness of mind: a distinction betwixt the life of 
 faith and the life of sense, was the object of my 
 meditation. I have lived more than three-score 
 years too much after the bias of my senses, at 
 least, in those things that are esteemed innocent by 
 men. ^' The life that I now live," said the blessed 
 apostle, " is by the faith of the Son of God :'* 
 almost daily desires after the experience thereof, 
 hath attended for more than forty years 5 yet I 
 
s$ 
 
 I'emain to this day too great a stranger to the full 
 enjoyment of that *' Hfe which is hid with Christ 
 in God." O may I daily experience an increase in 
 it ! that when he, who is the hfe of his people, 
 shall appear, I also may appear with him. 
 
 14. It hath long been my judgment, that the 
 circulating of reports which, in any wdse, have a 
 tendency to depreciate others, is inconsistent with 
 our Christian duty j the mortifying our natural 
 propensities, in that respect, is certainly a branch of 
 the Cross of Christ, and compatible W'th his spirit 
 and precepts. Great, indeed, even in this particu- 
 lar, is the prevalence of the law in the members, 
 against that of the mind, and of corrupt propensity 
 over a more rightly informed judgment. 
 
 25. Having been for some time past pretty much 
 confined, I had an opportunity of perusing some 
 tracts, lately published, written by my long ac- 
 quainted friend Joseph Phipps ; in which our religi- 
 ous sentiments concerning baptism. Christian com- 
 munion, silent waiting, oaths, fasting, and rejoicing, 
 are stated and supported. The great error of the 
 Calvinists, and those called remonstrants, or predes- 
 tinarians and free-wdllers, hath been in endeavouring 
 to reduce the deep mysteries of the incorruptible 
 God, into an image or system made in the like- 
 ness, and after the manner of corruptible men ; 
 and so seeking, by the arts and devices of their 
 own hearts, to elucidate the ways and works of an 
 infinite Creator, by those of finite creatures : — a 
 most vain and fruitless effort, replete with ab- 
 
39 
 
 surdity, and inconsistent with the express decla- 
 ration of the Lord Jehovah, " Let the wicked 
 forsake his ways, and the unrighteous man his 
 thoughts, and turn to the Lord, and he will have 
 mercy, and to our God, for he will abundantly 
 pardon i" " for my thoughts are not your thoughts, 
 neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord ;. 
 for as the heavens are higher than the earth, so 
 are my ways higher than your ways, and my 
 thoughts *than your thoughts." 
 
 Tenth Month, 1781. 
 
 9. Being, contrary to my knowledge, nomi- 
 nated to attend the meeting for sufferings, as one 
 of the committee of the yearly meeting, in con- 
 sidering and digesting the Book of Extracts, con- 
 taining rules and advices relative to our religious 
 society, I v/ent from Hartford to London. 
 
 Eleventh Month, 178K 
 
 6. This day the committee on the Book of 
 Extracts was dissolved for the present, having sat 
 from the 19th of last month inclusively. I was 
 enabled to attend pretty closely 5 my lips were 
 generally sealed in silence^ but some inward exer- 
 cise of spirit was at times experienced for the 
 revival of the law and the testimony, that Zion 
 
^0 
 
 miglit be redeemed by judgment, and establislied 
 in righteousness. How good is it for brethren to 
 dwell together in unity, and to be preserved from 
 anger, wrath, clamour, envy, and evil-speaking ; 
 which favours were measurably experienced in 
 the course of the foregoing service. Thanks to 
 the God of Peace, and Master of Assemblies, to 
 whom the glory of every good word and work 
 belongs, now and for ever. 
 
 20. Myself and wife dined at Youngsbury: 
 after dinner I had some discourse with D. Barclay 
 eoncerning that excellent man and skilful minister 
 of Christ, his grandfather, and the' elaborate Apo- 
 logy he wrote for the true Christian Divinity : his 
 memory I much esteem for the evangelical testi- 
 monies contained in that work,- and the distinctions 
 between the doctrines of truth and Calvinistical 
 and Pelagian errors. May none, professing with 
 us, forsake ^^ the fountain of living waters," who 
 thus spjeaketh ; *^ If any man is athirst, let him 
 come unto me and drink," and turn not aside to 
 the corrupted channels of carnal reason and crea- 
 turely power; for if so, '^ the strong shall be as 
 tow, and the maker of it as a spark," Vv^hen the 
 Lord shall shake terribly the earth, and ' exalt his 
 only-begotten Son, as the refuge of the poor, and 
 *^ strong hold. of the daughter of Zion.'' 
 
 22. I read- the 3d and 4th chapters of the pro- 
 phet Daniel; in the former, there appears a 
 striking instance of the tyranny of despotic princes, 
 ill the person of the king of Babylon, his unreason- 
 
41 
 
 able requisitions of the Chaldeans, and his tyran- 
 nous decree concerning them, because they were 
 unable to comply therewith. Equally arbitrary and 
 irrational was the command of Pharaoh, king of 
 Egypt, to the children of Israel, to make brick 
 when their usual allotment of straw was withheld. 
 The mighty Lord and Ruler of princes, ^^ the 
 blessed and only potentate," ^* the King of kings, 
 and'Lord of lords/' dealeth not so with his crea- 
 tures. He hath, indeed, a right to do what he 
 pleaseth with his own ; and who will say to him, 
 '^ What doest thou ?" His works, indeed, are 
 marvellous, and " past finding out ;'^ but " just 
 and true are all his ways." There is also exhi- 
 bited a striking instance of the divine superinten- 
 dence, and the faithfulness of the Almighty to 
 them who trust in him, in the preservation of 
 Shadrach, Mesheck, and Abednego, in the midst 
 of the fiery furnace 5 because they would not serve 
 the gods of Nebuchadnezzar, nor worship the 
 graven image he had set up. 
 
 25. " What shall I render to the Lord for all 
 his benefits ? I will take the cup of salvation, and 
 call upon the name of the Lord." In an intro- 
 version of the heart to God, in mental suppli- 
 cation, and the breathing of the Spirit, w^hich 
 ** maketh intercession with groanings which cannot 
 be uttered,*' consists the essence of all acceptable 
 prayer and praise. 
 
42 
 
 Twelfth Month, 1781. 
 
 I. I remembered the patriarch Jacob, who set 
 up the stone and anointed the pillar. The Lord 
 of Hosts is his memorial. 
 
 5. Appeared at the week-day meeting , but 
 omitting to close at a proper time, when a point- 
 ing so to do was internally presented, and pro- 
 ceeding to utter a few more expressions, flatness 
 and uneasiness ensued. O the spiritual skilful- 
 ness, distinction and propriety, which ought ever 
 to attend the exercise of a gospel ministry ! What 
 was predicted of the holy head, also appertaining 
 in measure to the members 5 ^' he shall be quick 
 of understanding in the fear of the Lord \' '' but 
 who is sufficient for these things ? " 
 
 21. I was favored with some internal direction 
 to " the cloud of witnesses," and Jesus, the 
 author and finisher of their faith, who is entered 
 within the veil. 
 
 23. I was desirous of attending the quarterly 
 meeting at Hartford, but was prevented by indis- 
 position from going thither until this day. On 
 the journey, I was favored with some renewed con- 
 victions of the benefit and excellence of waiting 
 upon the Lord in silence 5 in it consists the very 
 essence and marrow of prayer, of which, word* 
 the most fitly spoken are only a signification. 
 Upon a mature investigation of the New Testa* 
 ment, I can perceive no obligation on believers to 
 
43 
 
 Iceep the first clay of the week. By divine direc- 
 tion, the seventh was ordamed as a sabbatii to 
 Israel after the flesh, " whilst the first tabernacle 
 was yet standing," and the transgressors of the 
 divine command were to be judged with a legal 
 and rigorous severity : but when *' the word was 
 made flesh," and magnified as the glorious rest 
 and hiding-place of his people, we find the apostle 
 Paul contending for the liberty of the gospel^ and 
 prohibiting the saints in Christ Jesus from judging 
 one another, in respect of an holy day, or the new 
 moon, or the sabbath days ; which, says he, " are 
 a shadow of things to come, but the body is of 
 Christ/' Nevertheless, I greatly disapprove of 
 travelling on the first day of the week, to the neg- 
 lecting of our religious assemblies for divine wor- 
 ship ; it being highly conducive to a proper dis- 
 charge both of divine and moral duties, that one 
 day in the seven should be peculiarly appropriated 
 to sacred purposes. 
 
 31. The last day of the year 1781. Another 
 year hath now been added to my life, but in the- 
 due improvement of it, I have been too deficient. 
 How wonderfully have I been preserved 5 even 
 from my youth upwards, my life hath been a life 
 of wonders, inwardly and outwardly : when I look 
 back, I am filled with astonishment. What shall 
 I render to the Lord for all his benefits and in- 
 numerable mercies, which have been more than 
 the hairs of my head ! 
 
u 
 
 First Month, 1782* 
 
 I. This day we made a feast, consistent witfi 
 our Lord's direction : although not in every re- 
 spect literally so, I would maintain a spirit of hos^ 
 pitality and becoming liberality towards all j but 
 the feasts of our Lord's institution, are the most 
 satisfactory to those who are desirous of being his 
 disciples. 
 
 6. In the forenoon meeting, a testimony was 
 delivered to the universal grace and benignity of 
 the Supreme Being, and that healing and salvation* 
 which is in Jesus Christ, according to what is 
 written ; ** as Moses lifted up the serpent in the 
 wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted 
 up," that whosoever believeth in him should not 
 perish, but have eternal Hfe. 
 
 27. At Horslydown meeting in the forenoon, . 
 my mind, after a time in silent waiting, was 
 strongly impressed with a sense of the divine om- 
 niscience and compassionate notice of Him, who 
 ** beheld Nathaniel under the fig-tree." The 
 matter remaining with weight, a few words were 
 spoken relative thereto. 
 
 30. The week-day meeting at Gracechurch- 
 street, was a solid and satisfactory season y my 
 mind vi^as powerfully impressed with a sense of 
 the great mercy of the Supreme Being, in the 
 forgiveness of sins, and the indispensible obli- 
 gation, which we morials are under, of forgiving 
 
45 
 
 one another, as it is written, " and forgive us our 
 sins, as we forgive those-v/ho are indebted to us.*' 
 The meeting was chiefly held in silence, M. P. 
 only appearing in a short, but very acceptable, tes- 
 timony. 
 
 Second Month, 1782. 
 
 4. I attended the meeting of ministers and 
 ciders at Gracechurch-street, which was to me a 
 season of humiliation and of treading down in the 
 valley of vision. I remembered the humiliating 
 language of one formerly, who was ordained a 
 prophet to the nations ; " Ah, Lord God ! behold, 
 I cannot speak, for I am a child." Such a sense 
 jof natural arid creaturely impotence (notwithstand- 
 ing any gifts or qualifications which may have been 
 possessed) ought to be the frequent experience of 
 .every one concerned in the work of the ministry. 
 Towards the close of the sitting, our ancient 
 friend, Thomas Corby n, delivered a pertinent ex- 
 hortation. 
 
 6. Unprofitable discourse prevailed. '* The 
 tongue is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison, 
 which no man can tame." 
 
 II, As my fathers were, so am I, a sojourner 
 here, and my days are passing over more swiftly 
 than a weaver's shuttle 5 *^ this is my infirmity, 
 but I will remember the years of the right hand 
 of the Most High,*' his wonders v/hich have been 
 of old; ^^ and him who is an high priest for 
 
46 
 
 ever, after the order of Melchisedeck-,'* in whom 
 *^ death is swallowed up in victory." May 
 my desire and hope of salvation be in him, al- 
 though I am a dwarf in Israel, and far short of 
 havinj^ attained a proper growth, in the ^^ measure 
 of the stature of the fulness of Christ/' 
 
 12. This day, being commonly called Shrove 
 Tuesday, I considered those seasons which were 
 set apart by the church of Rome for peculiar pur- 
 poses of devotion, and in commemoration of cer- 
 tain signal events, relative to the redemption of 
 the human race : many of that communion very 
 conscientiously and piously adhered to them, not 
 only in respect to the outward observance, but 
 also to "w^hat passed within ; the latter ought also 
 to be our concern at all times, that we might ex- 
 perience, indeed, a holy day to the Lord, and an 
 acceptable fast, in ceasing from sin, from anger 
 and wrath, clam^our, envy and evil speaking ; as 
 likewise from an inordinate gratification of our 
 palates, in meats and drinks, and whatsoever else 
 is inconsistent with the gospel of Christ. 
 
 17. In the afternoon meeting I perceived a 
 disposition to catch at sundry passages of holy 
 wTit, which passed as it w^ere the surface of my 
 mind in such a transient superficial succession, as 
 not only to be unprofitable but painful ; however, 
 I was preserved in silence, with some desires 
 after the living substance. 
 
47 
 
 Third Month, 1782. 
 
 10. I sat down in the forenoon meeting m 
 lowness ; but in silent waiting, matter was pre- 
 sented relative to my own state, w^hich afterwards 
 seemed to extend to others ; but other ministers 
 being present, I was loth to break in upon their 
 silent waiting, or what might be upon their minds 
 to offer to the people. We are not to have the 
 faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, 
 with respect of persofis, nor the exercise of our 
 ministry according to our own time and will. Yet 
 " the Lord is a God of order *," and there is justly 
 a " preferring one another in love, w^herein the 
 spirits of the prophets are subject to the prophets." 
 Reduced and small as the number of ministers in 
 our society now is, if a similar care was at all 
 times prevalent, the dignity and decorum of our 
 religious society would be better maintained. 
 Two friends afterwards delivered acceptable testi- 
 monies. 
 
 11. I attended a meeting of the Watton trust ; 
 the matter under consideration was, the dismission 
 of the toll-gatherers for a supposed breach of 
 trust ; one of them appearing, made but a poor 
 defence, nay out of his own mouth he was con- 
 demned. If the Judge of the whole earth should 
 mark iniquities with severity in the day of a 
 righteous retribution, who could stand before him 
 ** whose eyes are as a flame of fire, and his voice 
 
48 
 
 as the sound of many waters ? '' This remark i$ 
 not intended to annul the distinctions betwixt 
 right and wrong, the praise which is due to moral 
 virtue, or the censure which may be properly ap- 
 plied to the breach thereof. In my own con- 
 science I stand justified from infidelity in the un- 
 righteous mammon ; but being at the same time 
 convicted of how much I am indebted to the Lord, 
 for want of a due improvement of his manifold 
 grace, my soul was humbled within me ; and I 
 withdrew without annexing my signature to the 
 order for his dismission. 
 
 20. This day was closed the 63d year of my 
 age 5 a period I never expected to have passed ; it 
 hath been a year of various distresses and desola- 
 tions •, I have been brought down to the sides of 
 the pit, and lifted up. How wonderful are th^ 
 works of God, who maketh all 5 "his ways are 
 past finding out." 
 
 31. This day is observed by the churches of 
 Rome and England, in commemoration of the 
 Lord Christ, " who was delivered for our offences, 
 and raised again for our justification." It is 
 written in the scripture, " Let every one that 
 nameth the name of Christ, depart from iniquity." 
 How few among the various sects in Christendom 
 are concerned in heart so to do ! Notwithstanding 
 their appointed fasts and feasts, their loud boast- 
 ings of justification by Christ, and pompous praises 
 of virtue and moral rectitude, in their hearts they 
 regard iniquity. 
 
49 
 
 Fourth Month, 1782. 
 
 5. Walking In the Grange, and parts adjacent, 
 and reviewing scenes and places with which I 
 had been acquainted in early youth, I became 
 profitably recollected in «^pirit, in a sense of the 
 promised seed, by whose mediatorial influence I 
 have been preserved to this day, when many of my 
 cotemporaries are unalterably stationed in region* 
 unexplorable by us who are on this side Jordan, 
 May I, together with many brethren, be concerned, 
 as at the eleventh hour of the day, with much 
 spiritual travail and great searchlngs of heart, to seek 
 as treasure hid in a field, ^' Christ in us the hope 
 of glory," " who was delivered for our offences^ 
 and was raised again for our justification ;" being 
 According to the lieih of the seed of David j 
 but who is God over all, blessed for ever. And 
 as our ancient friend, George Fox, used to testify 
 concerning him, *' Christ Jesus the true seed, 
 both in the male and the female ! the head of the 
 body 1 the church ! " 
 
 7. I was under some difliculty respecting w^hat 
 meetings I should attend, or whether any, being 
 low in mind and indisposed in body. I looked 
 towards divers, but ther^ was a giant in the way. 
 I was in some degree peaceably recollected at 
 Gracechurch-street, in the forenoon, and West- 
 minister, in the afternoon ; but silent in both : by 
 accident, tliis evening, hearing one speak of that 
 C 
 
<*hope'' that "maketh not ashamed," he declared 
 that the foundation of it was God, Christ, his 
 blood, righteousness, and spirit ; that the subject 
 was the awakened sinner, who, despairing of any- 
 other means of salvation, casts himself on God and 
 Christ J and having this hope, Christ in him, is 
 purified, '^ even as he is pure." To me, a degree 
 of spiritual savour and soundness seemed to attend 
 the remarks. I was thankful for the preservations 
 and favours of the day. 
 
 17. Openings respecting divine things were 
 plentifully attendant. What is' rightly opened 
 may be both profitable and pleasant, but not at 
 all times ^^ lawful to be uttered." The day of the 
 Lord is to be on all *^ pleasant pictures," for their 
 probation. 
 
 22. I read part of an essay on the present state 
 of England ; an excellent political performance ; 
 the author possessing clear ideas, and adducing 
 Strong proofs of former errors, and prejudging 
 those which may hereafter happen, in case Pro- 
 vidence should permit a spirit of pride and intoxi- 
 cation still to prevail, for a further punishment 
 upon the inhabitants of this nation. 
 
 24. In the week-day meeting, a testimony was 
 delivered concerning that purity of heart which is 
 the righteousness of faith ; as it is written, 
 *^ Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see 
 God." 
 
 28. In the forenoon-meeting, those present 
 were recommended to seek after aii experimental 
 
51 
 
 knowledge of the truth. After skiing long in the 
 afternoon meeting, in much heaviness, very unex- 
 pectedly some matter was powerfully impressed, 
 with a pointing for a public ministry : a minister 
 not belonging to our meeting being present, for 
 fear of interrupting any concern he might be 
 under, I kept the concern to myself, until the 
 proper time for speaking passed over. Neither 
 did the other friend appear. 
 
 Fifth Month, 1782. 
 
 I. Two testimonies were delivered, recommend- 
 ing to a state of inward poverty ; as the reverse 
 to that Laodicean fulness, which was so severely 
 reproved by the " faithful and true witness.^' 
 
 8. Great was the distress and perturbations 
 of my mind during the early part of the week-day 
 meeting ; afterwards some solemnity attended iit 
 silence, and under the acceptable ministry of R. 
 Valentine. O for more fervency of spirit, and 
 striving to enter in at the strait gate ! 
 
 18. Some pertinent advices were delivered in 
 the yearly meeting of ministers and elders; and a 
 language passed through my mind, " O Lord 
 God, forgive, I beseech thee ! by whom shall Jacob 
 arise ? for he is small." 
 
 22. At dinner we were unexpectedly visited 
 by our ancient friend Thomas Hartley ; probably 
 the litst time : he appearing to be much emaciated, 
 
 C2i 
 
59 
 
 and his countenance languid and meagre ; but 
 attended with a fresh and lively sense of vital and 
 experimental religion. Retiring with him from 
 some company who were present, he expressed 
 himself, in much tenderness of spirit, to the fol- 
 lowing effect : ' O my dear friend ! I have lately 
 passed through many fiery trials and deep bap- 
 tisms, such as I had never before fully ex-perienced : 
 all the secret and concealed sins of my former 
 life, even many which had passed unnoticed, 
 have been brought to light and set in order before 
 me. I have been laid more low than ever, before 
 the throne ; and so humbled in a sense of my own 
 nothingness, that I could stoop even to the mean- 
 est of my fellow creatures. But I hope these 
 severe dispensations have been for my further pu- 
 rification, and meetness for that rest and glory, 
 which will be the fruition of sanctified spirits to 
 all eternity.' In the year 1776, I was introduced 
 to a personal acquaintance with him, by a wor- 
 thy minister in our own Society, and esteem the 
 same, one of the blessings of my advanced years, 
 for which I am accountable to the Author of every 
 good gift. He lived some years in the neighbour- 
 hood of Hartford, and left a sweet savour behind 
 him, both among rich and poor. It was my lot 
 to diff'ertouch from him in my natural disposition, 
 and also in some points to which he was much 
 attached •, but he sought not so much to promote 
 the sentimental part of religion, as the life of 
 righteousness, and the experimental knowledge of 
 
53 • 
 
 the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ ; which crucifies 
 to the corrupt propensities of fallen nature, and 
 produces the fruits of the spirit, which are love, 
 ^* peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost." 
 
 29. The yearly meeting at Hartford was small, 
 by reason of the prevalence of disease. The mi- 
 nistry of our worthy ancient friend, I. S. was 
 singularly distinguished with brightness ; his mat- 
 ter being evangelical, and his expressions correct, 
 nervous and animated* 
 
 Sixth Month, 1782. 
 
 T. The reports already recorded may rather 
 seem of a discouraging nature, and not dissimilar 
 to those of the evil spies formerly 5 " there we saw 
 the giants, the sons of Anak," " and we were in 
 our own sight as grasshoppers ;" " the cities are 
 great, and walled up to heaven." O ! that I might 
 yet more possess the spirit of Caleb and Joshua, 
 w^ho followed the Lord fully, .and through faith 
 and patience inherited the: promised land* 
 
 7. Early in the morning, being pretty easy in 
 body and mind, I remembered the Lord,, to whom 
 mercies and forgiveness belong. 
 
 9. Towards the close of the forenoon meeting, 
 some matter was opened, but I was most easy to 
 leave the people to the great Opener, who opens, 
 when, where, and what he pleaseth ; and without 
 whose inspeaking word, the voice of all outv/ard 
 C ^ 
 
54 
 
 preachers^ is but as '* sounding brass, or a tink- 
 ling cymbal." 
 
 10. This day, unexpectedly and unsought for 
 by me, I had a conference with a warm Calvinist, 
 who seemed to lay an unwarrantable stress on the 
 peculiar tenets of that sect ; and to be too much 
 a stranger to that meekness and benignity which 
 peculiarly characterises the religion of him, who 
 came not '* to destroy men's lives but to save them.'* 
 I asserted Christ to be the only means of saU 
 vation, and *^ the Lord our righteousness ;" both 
 in respect to his meritorious and propitiatory tran- 
 sactions in the flesh, and his being revealed within, 
 as the hope of glory. To the former part of the 
 proposition he heartily assented ; but appeared too 
 great a stranger to the mystery which had beeri 
 hid from ages and generations, " but is now made 
 manifest to the saints." I spoke only the words 
 of trutli and soberness, as they are set forth in 
 the Holy Scriptures, Robert Barclay's Apology, 
 and the writings of other faithful men : but I fear 
 neither myself nor friend, were sufficiently bap- 
 tized into an inward and immediate feeling of" 
 the things which were spoken. 
 
 11. As I was walking in tlie evening, agree-, 
 ably with what was expressed in the conference of 
 yesterday, in a degree of the immediate feeling, 
 the language of our worthy friend, Isaac Pening- 
 ton, was inwardly uttered ; " None but Christ 5 
 none but Christ, can my soul say from a sense of 
 my Qontinual need of him.'' Not only as he was ^ 
 
55 
 
 propitiation without me, but as a light within 
 me : " for in him was life, and the life is the light 
 of men." And not only by the report of what he 
 hath done for them, without them, but by his 
 immediate presence and saving help, are the 
 souls of the desolate and distressed led, at seasons, 
 to trust in him, who, for their sanctification,. 
 ^^ suffered without the gate." 
 
 28. As I was v/alking in the fields, it was 
 immediately suggested, that the doctrine of the 
 divine decrees and final perseverance, as set forth 
 by John Calvin, and wliich are so strenuously 
 supported by his partisans, have a strong tendency 
 to promote a spirit of pride, self preference, and 
 security in them who suppose themselves the fa- 
 voured subjects. On the other hand, believers 
 who hold the doctrine of universaF redem.ption 
 and remission, through the blood of Christ, are 
 equally interested in the promises 5 especially re- 
 prehensible are such among them, who judge as 
 heretical and inimical to the gospel, all v/ho can- 
 not coincide with their sentiments on those points. 
 
 Seventh Month, 1782. 
 
 15. An intended journey to Tooley-street had 
 afforded me some prospect of satisfaction ; but, 
 alas! every pleasing vision vanisheth. Indeed what 
 views of sublunary satisfaction can be reasonably- 
 entertained,, when pavSt the grand climacterick. 
 C4 
 
56 
 
 But even to the very latest hour of human hTe, 
 how prepense are mortals to the illusions of a 
 world that perisheth j how obscure their views, 
 and dull their movements, towards the " good 
 land that is beyond Jordan j that goodly mountain 
 and Lebanon." 
 
 a8. In the meetings at Hartford, matter was 
 impressed with a pointing to the people; but I 
 was loth to stand up hastily j an exercise under 
 religious openings being, at times, as profitable to 
 those present as the expressing of them : " that one 
 and the self-same spirit, dividing to every man seve- 
 rally as he will/' In the afternoon I had no clear- 
 ness to utter any thing, until the usual time of 
 sitting was expired, and then thought it most ex- 
 pedient to omit delivering what vvas before me. 
 The spirit of truths and the ministry which in any 
 degree proceeds therefrom, is not to be limited 
 by a dial or hour-glass ; yet " wisdom is profitable 
 to direct/' and " is juatified of l\ev children.'* 
 
 Eighth Month, 17&2. 
 
 10. For some days past, I have been deeply 
 affected with a sensibility of the poverty, empti- 
 ness, and dryness of human nature, when devoid 
 of that faith, which is by the Hfe of the Son of 
 God, who came that we might have life ; and 
 that we might have it more abundantly. " His. 
 
57 
 
 foundation is in tlie holy mountains ;" " Glorious 
 things are spoken of thee, O city of God." 
 
 15. I went to the evening meeting in much 
 poverty and emptiness^ possessing nothing ; but 
 remembering, with a degree of freshness, that 
 when the Lord Jesus went into the synagogue, 
 the book of the prophet Isaiah being delivered 
 unto him, he read that which is written j " the 
 spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath 
 anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor, and 
 to heal the broken hearted : " and the eyes of the 
 people were fastened on him. Some desires also 
 attended, that the attention of those present might 
 hje fixed on Christ, who is " a high priest for ever, 
 after the order of Melchlsedec ;" and who, not 
 only for the short space he was on earth, but 
 throughout all generations,- was graciously ap- 
 pointed to " preach the gospel to the poor," and 
 "to bind up the broken-heartedv" A diffidence was 
 prevalent, lest by speaking, the solemnity which 
 seemed to attend, should be by any m.eans di- 
 minished ; and other friends were more ready to 
 deliver what was before them. On the whole it 
 seemed a favored season. 
 
 19. First day. Beings low in mind, and Indis- 
 posed in. my health, I spent the forenoon in Tooley- 
 street ; and in my retirement received a renewed 
 conviction, that '^ v/hat is to be known of God is 
 manifest within,'' by the immediate revelation of 
 Jesus Christ : for, although the invisible things 
 of him, may be understood by the things that are 
 
 C5 
 
S8 
 
 tnade, yet these exterior demoxistrationsr' of lif$' 
 eternal power and godhead, are rather adapted to 
 the reasoning, than the feeling part, in nian ; and 
 being objects of the understanding, rather than 
 the heart, can never afford a soul -satisfactory evi- 
 dence to deep, inward, exercised seekers. The 
 Holy Scriptures, being written by the inspiration 
 of God, are profitable for doctrine, correction and 
 instruction in righteousness ; that the man of God 
 may be furnished to all good w^orks. Yet they 
 are of themselves a dead letter, and unable to give 
 life, only as they are opened by " the spirit that 
 quickeneth ;'' and then they are precious, inesti-- 
 mably precious, beyond all words which have 
 been written : a single sentence of them so im- 
 parted, being much more profitable and edifying 
 to the inward man, than long and elaborate dis- 
 courses, or the voluminous productions of men. 
 When in a state of darkness, distress, and un- 
 certainty, our attention ought therefore to be in- 
 wardly turned to Him, who "hath the key of 
 David ;" who, in the days of his flesh, commis- 
 serated the poor and distressed among the people, 
 inviting them on this wise ; *^ Come unto me, all 
 ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will 
 give you rest." The doctrine taught by some, 
 that the Scriptures are the only rule of faith and 
 practice, and may be sufficiently understood by 
 the light of reason, is therefore equally erroneous 
 and uncomfortable. At Gracechurch-street, in 
 the afternoon, I was exercised under some lively 
 
59 
 
 Impressions of the foregoing truths, without any 
 pointing to impart them to those present. 
 
 From 20th of Eighth Month to 13th of Ninth 
 Month, 1782, 
 
 I was, by Dr. Hooper's direction, ahinost wholly 
 confined in a reclined posture, by reason of a 
 broken shin. No chastening is joyous ; neverthe- 
 less, if thereby the peaceable fruits of righteous- 
 ness are in any measure produced, there is abun- 
 dant cause for thankfulness to the all-wise disposer 
 of events. During this afflictive dispensation, my 
 mind hath been covered with a deep and hurhbling 
 sense of the manifold errors of my past life ; and 
 in some degree favored to seek after the spring of 
 mercy and forgiveness, the Lord and giver of life, 
 and his Son Christ Jesus, in whom is life, and 
 '' the life is the light of men." In a reading of 
 the Holy Scriptures, some inward feeling of the 
 truths in them contained, was at times experienced. 
 From my youth upward, I have been frequently- 
 conversant in the Christian pattern by Thomas a 
 Kempis •, and particularly so in the elegant trans- 
 lation of it by my esteemed friend, John Payne. 
 By a secret pointing in my own mind, I was ex- 
 cited again to peruse it : the striking descriptions 
 of creaturely depravity and impotence, were con- 
 sonant with my own experience and heartfelt sen- 
 sations within J and the testimonies, not only to 
 C 6 
 
60 
 
 the power of a merciful Creator, but to his readi- 
 ness to relieve the most weak and destitute, were 
 as ^' good news from a far country." Divers other 
 books were measurably profitable. Hearts Ease, 
 in Hearts Trouble, by John Bunyan, and some 
 Other of his tracts, in which the marks of a (Jay of 
 grace not being finally closed, are set forth. The 
 sentiments in them expressed, in my opinion, not 
 comporting with that strict and rigid Calvinism 
 which the author professed ; but rather with the 
 gracious declaration of the great Master, concern- 
 ing a favoured people formerly ; ^' O Jerusalem^ 
 Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and 
 stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often 
 would I have gathered thy children together, even 
 as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings,, 
 and ye would not !" "if thou hadst known, even 
 thou, at least in this thy day, the things which 
 belong unto thy peace ; but now they are hid from 
 thine eyes.*' 
 
 23. A contested election happening this day 
 in the Borough of Southwark, I was burthened in 
 spirit, by hearing much, and speaking unnecessarily, 
 concerning it. 
 
 Tenth Month, 1782. 
 
 12. I was low and distressed in mind, being 
 also indisposed in my health. For the greatest 
 part of my time, pains and indispositions have 
 
61 
 
 been my frequent companions; and' how can any 
 long respite be expected from them at so advanced 
 a period of life* Lord, make me peaceable and 
 patient when in pain, and thou shalt have the 
 praise. 
 
 17. In the morning watch, upon my bed, 
 these words were impressed with power ; To 
 them ^* who believe, he is precious \^ and were 
 divers times rencM^ed in the course of the day. O! 
 may I, amidst declining years and increasing in- 
 firmities, experience the preciousness of Christ;, 
 to whom coming, as to a living stone, disallowed 
 of men; but who is the High Priest, and Teacher 
 of saints ; their light and their atonement, 
 
 20. In a meeting at Hartford, some matter 
 was freshly imparted with a pointing for the mi- 
 nistry, but was fearful of interrupting the solem- 
 nity in silence. In the evening, I read in the 
 family a memorial, in manuscript, which I received 
 from Isaac Gray, concerning Dorothy Barham, of 
 Bedford ; who was a member of the Moravian con- 
 gregation there, and appears to have been a hum- 
 ble, pious, and devoted servant of Christ Jesus. 
 There is an uttering of words without know- 
 ledge to the darkening of council ; there is a 
 scattering and yet encreasing, and there is a with- 
 holding more than is meet, which tendeth to 
 poverty. But who is sufficient for these things ? 
 
 26. For some time past have I earnestly sought 
 to serve the law of God ; the spirit hath been 
 willing to serve the law of God: the spirit 
 
or 
 
 hath been willing, but the flesh weak. "O Lord! 
 I am oppressed, undertake for me : " thou tookest 
 upon thee "our infirmities, and bare our sickness,'' 
 and art ^^ able to save to the uttermost/' 
 
 Eleventh Month> 1782. 
 
 2. " What shall I render to the Lord for all his 
 benefits ? " In the 64th year of my age, and amidst 
 great desolations, both of flesh and spirit, I 
 humbly hope the gentle attractions of heavenly 
 love are measurably drawing me to the Lord Jesus 
 Christ 5 the great Prophet and High Priest of his 
 people ; who declared in the days of his flesh, "Na 
 man can come tome, except the Father, which 
 hath sent me, draw him." " And he that cometh 
 unto me, I will in no wise cast out." How ignorant 
 are mankind of the great *' mystery which hath 
 been hid from ages and generations/' Many are 
 indeed professing faith in the coming of Christ, 
 and his death, and sufferings ; and some, likewise, 
 of his being an inward teacher, and true light 
 which lightens every man, who have no more 
 experimental knowledge of these important truths, 
 than either Jews or Heathens. They may have, 
 indeed, at times, experienced the convictions of the 
 spirit of truth for sin, and heard his voice, 
 ** Behold, I stand at the door and knock ; " but 
 they have not desired the knowledge of his ways ; 
 and therefore having eyes, they see not j having 
 
c^ars, they Iiear not ; neither do understand the 
 things which belong to their peace. O! that I had 
 the tongue of an angel, and a voice to extend 
 from ^ pole to pole/ to declare " the unsearch- 
 able riches of Christ :*' but ^'I am a child, and 
 cannot speak/' my ^' strength is to sit still." 
 
 II. On reading William Dewsbury and A. 
 Boehm on regeneration, I appeared far short of 
 having attained that love and perfection v^hich is in 
 Christ Jesus. I have long professed, pressed after, 
 and even at times preached, the new-birth ; but 
 being myself weighed in the balance, I am found 
 wanting. A divine call hath often gone forth. 
 Go into my vineyard and work. Nevertheless, 
 dissipation hath been too prevalent, and an un- 
 due attention to sublunary engagements ; although 
 perhaps, for the most part at least, those which 
 are inoffensive in the estimation of men. But, 
 the Lord looketh not as man looketh ; '' he re- 
 quireth the whole heart." I have answered not 
 feignedly, but with the whole desire of my heart, 
 '' I go." 
 
 1 6. Bodily pain this week hath almost con- 
 tinually attended. I have gone mourning all the 
 day long. When I have looked for light, behold 
 thick darkness, " and on my eye-lids hath been 
 the shadow of death." " But God is light, and 
 in him is no darkness at all." Christ Jesus is 
 " the true light which lightens every man :" and 
 in the celestial regions, on the other side Jordan, 
 
&4r 
 
 there is no night ; for the Lord God " and th© 
 Lamb is the light thereof." 
 
 24. This day, visiting an ancient and long- 
 acquainted friend, she expressed convictions for 
 sin, and particularly for having been too much at 
 ease. The friend, Hkewise, although far advanced 
 in years, signified the being now afraid to die ; 
 which I was well pleased to hear, for all havof 
 abundant cause to be so, yea, to tremble at the 
 king of terrors J excepting such as are compleat in 
 him who is the head of all " principality and 
 power." O may the fruit of the spirit be more, 
 manifested among, us ! *^ By their fruits ye shall 
 know them," said the blessed Jesus *, ^* he that 
 abideth in me, and I in him, bringeth forth much 
 fruit:" the branches whereon no fruit is found,. 
 are therefore in a withering state, and in danger/ 
 of being cast forth. Nevertheless, our dependance: 
 ought not to be so much on the fruit, as on him. 
 who is the vine ; the root that bearedi us : that in 
 all things we may grow up into him, who is the 
 head, even Christ; our wisdom, righteousness, 
 sanctification and redemption. Amen. 
 
 Twelfth Month, 1782. 
 
 8. What is man, that the Lord is mindful 
 of him, or tlie sons of men, that he visiteth them? 
 They are less than nothing and vanity. Yet many, 
 
65 
 
 tliinking themselves to be something, are soaring 
 aloft on account of their moral characters, or a 
 supposed interest in the Redeemer's righteousness. 
 But is not the heart of man ** deceitful above all 
 things, and desperately wicked ? "" 
 
 17. In the week-day meeting at Horslydown, 
 I had some glimpses of those consolations which 
 are in Christ ; as likewise the blushing and humili- 
 ation which belongs to man, when he beholds him- 
 self in the true ligl^t : as it is written, ^^I have heard 
 of thee by the hearing of the ear, but now mine eye 
 seeth thee, and I abhor myself, and repent in 
 dust and ashes/' O that I may yet obtain more 
 confidence in God, through the Mediator! The 
 glorious doctrine of the mediation of Christ, has 
 this day been much illustrated in the view of my 
 mind, according to that which is written, " there 
 is one God, and one Mediator between God and 
 man, the man Christ Jesus j who gave himself a 
 ransom for all, to be testified of in due time." 
 
 30. I read some part of an excellent treatise, 
 entitled the Heavenly University, and written by 
 Francis Row, which I had not seen for some years. 
 I think it well deserves a new edition; not doubt- 
 ing but that it will be well accepted by the spiri- 
 tually minded, of various denominations. 
 
 First Month, 1783. 
 
 I. We dressed more meat than common, and 
 distributed great part of it among our poor ueigU*' 
 
66 
 
 bours. We are told by the apostle Paul, that 
 *' with such sacrifices, God is well pleased." May 
 this year, or that part of it which may be my 
 portion, be increased with the increase v/hich is 
 of God, viz. an inward exercise and travail of 
 spirit towards him, and acts of benignity towards 
 my fellow-creatures. The former is essential to 
 salvation, the latter are good and profitable to 
 men, and adorn the doctrine which is according 
 to godliness •, but when trusted in as a compen- 
 sation for secret sins, and a covering for the errors 
 of the heart, they are '' filthy rags." Only " in 
 the name of the Lord will we set up our banners.'* 
 25. I have long esteemed it my duty to be 
 conversant in the Hoiy Scriptures, and daily to 
 read some portions of them. But in this^ as well 
 as in other respects, when I would have followed 
 the secret pointings of truth in my own breast, 
 interruptions have been attendant. Notwithstand- 
 ing ** the boastings of them who are alive without 
 the law," unless the motions of sin, which are 
 •' by the law in the members, that warreth against 
 the law in the mind," are subdued by the power 
 of Christ, there can be no complete redemption 
 through his blood ; as it is written, *^ except I 
 wash thee, thou hast no part with me." Anger, 
 wrath, clamour, envy, and evil-speaking, must 
 therefore, be purged by the blood of the covenant, 
 before we can inherit that kingdom which is 
 *' righteousness, peace, and joy, in the Holy 
 Ghost." 
 
67 
 
 Second Month, 1804. 
 
 10. Fresh cause for self-condemnation was 
 this day administered. What cause is there for 
 condemnation to them who are in Christ Jesu?, 
 may some say. It is true, there is none j but 
 who are in Christ ? *' those who walk not after the 
 flesh, but after the spirit." But whilst the law 
 which is in our members, and the motions of sin 
 which are thereby, bring forth fruit, there is 
 death and condemnation. The language of — no 
 condemnation to them who are in Christ — I fear 
 frequently proceeds rather from speculation than 
 sensation ; and is the dictate of a vain hope by 
 which the creature speaketh peace unto itself, and 
 prophecieth deceit. There is, indeed, a being bap- 
 tized into the death of Christ, and a following 
 the Redeemer through the bloody process of his 
 sufferings^ before there is an experience attained 
 of being " complete in him who is the head of 
 all principality and power," and risen with him 
 into that dominion in which he dieth no more ; 
 and in which those who believe, are dead indeed 
 unto sin, but alive unto God, through Jesus Christ 
 our Lord. The wrathful propensities of fallen 
 nature, have, indeed, been measurably repressed ; 
 but my desires are that they may be totally 
 removed by Him, who is *' able to subdue all 
 things to himself,'' 
 
68 
 
 12. In the week-day meeting at Horslydown, 
 some sentiments were livingly impressed, concern- 
 ing that hope which is not seen ; but nothing 
 was expressed. Under the law, nothing was to 
 be offered that died of itself^ there was a pointing 
 in love to those present 5 but not a sufficient ne- 
 cessity to utter words : at some such times, when 
 I have refrained from speaking, flatness and poverty 
 have come over my mind : there is a scattering 
 and yet increasing ; but it is more eligible to 
 withhold, than to scatter unprofitably. 
 
 Third Month, 17B3. 
 
 5. Late last night, was closed the assizes for 
 the county of Hartford. Five received sentence 
 of death as evil-doers. And who among the 
 sons of men can plead the purity of his heart, or 
 the rectitude of his conduct before him, " whose 
 eyes are as a flame of fire." In the name of 
 Jesus is our only hope j who " saveth his people 
 from their sins/' not only by imputation and re- 
 mission, but also by a real renovation and renewal 
 into the heavenly image ; as it was testified con- 
 cerning some formerly, who once were the ser- 
 vants of sin and free from righteousness ; " But 
 ye are washed 5 ye are sanctified -, ye are justi'- 
 fied in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the 
 Spirit of our God." 
 
 8. This week some deliverance from evil hatli 
 been graciously experienced. As the day of my 
 
69 
 
 departure draws nigh, may I daily experience an 
 increase in the fruits of the spirit; in no wise 
 esteeming them ^* the works of righteousness, 
 which I have done ;"" hut as marks of his gracious 
 assistance and acceptance, " who worketh both 
 to will and to do of his good pleasure/' and 
 justifieth his own works both for and in his 
 people ; according to that which is written, " Ye 
 6ee then, how that by works a man is justified, 
 and not by faith only." They err, therefore, not 
 knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God, 
 who teach that the works of the spirit influ- 
 ence not the justification of the saints; but that 
 they are dross, dung, and filthy rags. Was not 
 Abraham, our father, justified by works, when he 
 had ofFered his son Isaac upon the altar ? " " Was 
 not Rahab, the harlot, justified by works, when 
 she had received the messengers, and sent them 
 out another way ? " Even the giving a cup of cold 
 water, in the name of a disciple, is justified before 
 God. The coming of the Lord Jesus in the 
 flesh, his sufl^erings, and blood-shedding on the 
 cross, and the work of the spirit, were, in the 
 eternal counsel of God, essentially necessary for 
 the salvation of sinners* Manifold are his works, 
 in unerring, unsearchable wisdom, hath he made 
 them all. 
 
 9. Great and inexpressible hath been the 
 mercy and loving-kindness of the Lord, more par- 
 ticularly in my advanced years, by drawing me in 
 tpirit to his Sou the Lord Jesus Christ ; that I 
 
70 
 
 might be justified freel)r by his grace, through the 
 redemption which is in him ; according as it is 
 written, " every man therefore that hath heard 
 and learned of the Father cometh unto me.'* 
 What a linsey-woolsey garment may some say j and 
 what contradiction betwixt the sentiments of the 
 present day, and the remarks on yesterday, in which 
 the doctrine of justification by works is asserted* 
 I answer, to me no contradiction appears ; the 
 holy men of God, who spake as they were moved 
 of the Holy Ghost, having declared .that '^ a man 
 is justified by faith," and that " by works a man 
 is justified, and not by faith only :" and they re- 
 spectively had the mind of Christ. 
 
 10. Pained in body and distressed in mind, 
 but not without some secret solitary lookings to- 
 wards Sion, the city of the great King, concerning 
 whom the decree was declared, " Thou art my 
 Son, this day have I begotten thee." 
 
 1 8. With the assistance of a glass, I beheld a 
 total eclipse of the nocturnal luminary. Mystically 
 and spiritually for some days past, I have seen 
 neither sun, moon, nor stars. May the Lord be 
 pleased to enlighten my darkness. When primae- 
 val darkness covered the deep, the Spirit of the 
 Lord moved upon the waters : " He said, let there 
 be light, and there was light." 
 
 19. David declared the pains of hell had got 
 hold of him. In the v/eek-day meeting, my soul 
 seemed to possess sensations somewhat similar, and 
 iDeasurably to participate that tribulation and 
 
anguish, into wliich human nature is fallen ; and 
 which must be unalterably the lot of those who 
 depart out of the body in an unreconciled state. 
 How necessary therefore is it for those who have 
 received that calling which is of grace, to keep 
 themselves in the love of God, and in a sense of 
 those bowels and mercies, which are in Christ 
 Jesus ; some days past, I was favored with a 
 glimpse of them. But, since my bonds are be- 
 come strong, I am removed far from peace. 
 *' Thy word, O Lord ! is like a fire and a ham- 
 mer •," '^ thou breakest the rocks," ^^ thou touch- 
 est the mountains, and they smoke." 
 
 24. John Pemberton, from Philadelphia, and 
 Christiana Hustler, andH. Wigham, of Yorkshire, 
 Tittended our meetings for worship yesterday, and 
 the quarterly meeting this day j the said meetings 
 were respectively very large ; and the aforesaid 
 friends had acceptable service in them. 
 
 25. Our worthy ancient friends, Isaac Sharp- 
 less and Samuel Spavold, being on a religious visit 
 to the families of friends in this town, I was 
 inclmed to accompany them in the afternoon j and 
 during the first sitting, being in great affliction of 
 sdul and spirit, something was powerfully im- 
 pressed concerning that diseased woman, who 
 said within herself concerning our blessed Lord ; 
 ^^ If I may but touch his garment I shall be made 
 whole." And a short testimony was delivered, 
 concerning that healing virtue which was, and is, 
 ia the Lord Jesus Christ. I was almost instanta- 
 
neously relieved both in body and mind, and sat 
 with the said friendij in three other famiUes 
 
 Fourth Month, 1783. 
 
 5. This day and yesterday, I have been under 
 strong impressions to revise and transcribe a cor- 
 rected abridgement of my diary, wdiich com- 
 menced the 1st of sixth month, 1780 ; to me an im- 
 portant work, by reason of my unfitness for pen- 
 manship : yet, considering the great long-suffering 
 which hath been extended to me by a merciful 
 Creator, it is my bounden duty to follow every 
 secret pointing to such little services, as may in 
 any degree conduce to the spiritual improvement 
 of my fellow-creatures 5 particularly of the desolate 
 and distressed among them, who are asking their 
 *' way to Zion, with their faces thitherward," 
 
 26. Accidentally looking over a publication of 
 the last century, I met with the following quo- 
 tation, which I do not recollect having seen before 
 either in the bible or elsewhere, viz. Deuteronomy, 
 xxviii. 6^y 66, 67. *' The Lord shall give thee 
 there a trembling of heart, and failing of eyes, and 
 sorrow of mind ; and thy life shall hang in doubt 
 before thee ; and thou shalt fear day and night, and 
 shalt have none assurance of thy life : in the morn- 
 ing, thou shalt say, Would God it were even; and at 
 even, thou shalt say, Would God it were morning, 
 for the fear of thine heart, wherewith thou shalt 
 
75 
 
 fear, and for the sight of thine eyes, whicli thou 
 shalt see :*' a most pathetic description of the 
 disconsolate state in which man is corrected for 
 iniquity. 
 
 Fifth Month, 1783, 
 
 2. I perused a printed letter, from a baptist to 
 an adherent of Dr. Priestley, in which some errors 
 contained in his Appeal are scripturally opposed; 
 especially those respecting the divinity and atone- 
 ment of Christ. But where read we, in the Holy 
 Scriptures, of an infinite satisfaction being re- 
 quired from finite creatures 5 but rather, that " God 
 so loved the world (that is, all mankind) that he 
 gave his only-begotten Son, that whosoever be- 
 iieveth in him should not perish, but have ever- 
 lasting life." ^^ But God hath commended his 
 love to us, that while we were sinners, Christ died 
 for us f ' and again, herein is love 5 not that we 
 loved God •, but ^^ that God loved us, and sent his 
 Son to be a propitiation for our sins." In this was 
 manifested the love of God towards us, because 
 that God sent his only-begotten Son into the 
 world, that we might live through him. These arc 
 the concurring testimonies of two apostles, who 
 respectively had the mind of Christ, and by which 
 Christ appears rather to be the effect, than the 
 cause of the love of God j although in some re- 
 spects he is both. But, alas, how are truths and 
 errors commixed in the minds even of good men ; 
 D 
 
"74 
 
 land who amongst the sons of men fully under- 
 stands his secret faults ? 
 
 5 and 8. I was with our worthy friends John 
 Pemberton and William Mathews, from North 
 America, at the monthly meeting of Hartford, 
 held at Bishop Stortford ; and also at the week- 
 day meeting, at Hitchin. In the latter, the errors 
 of my past life being awfully recalled to my re- 
 membrance, I was abaslieti before the dread of 
 nations, in a remembrance of his holiness. In the 
 week-day meeting, the preceding day at Hartford, 
 a short testimony was delivered concerning the 
 love of God in Christ Jesus; according to that 
 which is written, " Greater love hath no man 
 than this, that he lay dov/n his life for his 
 friends." 
 
 i8. In the fore part of tlie forenoon meeting, 
 distress and perturbation of spirit attended", some 
 solemnity was afterwards experienced in silence; 
 and some sentences were uttered concerning the 
 heavenly vision, vthich only is capable of allevi- 
 ating the ills, and calming the storms of human 
 life; according to that which is written, '^ When 
 ^I awake, I shall be satisfied with thy likeness." 
 
 ji. Respecting my own state, long, very long, 
 even from my youth to the present day, 1 have 
 been crying, not with my m.outh and lips, but 
 from my heart unfeignedly, Lord ! Lord ! — ^Never- 
 theless, for want of continually standing on the 
 watch tower, where understanding and strength is 
 imparted from above, I have in many respects 
 
75 
 
 erred. But wherefore doth a living man com- 
 plain ? a man for the punishment of his sins ; is 
 it not of the Lord's mercy I am not consumed, 
 and because of his spirit, that any sense of sin, 
 righteousness and judgment, is yet remaining? 
 This forenoon came to our house our friend 
 Matthew Johnson, of Cornwood,in the County of 
 Northumberlando 
 
 Sixth Month, 17 S3. 
 
 I. First-day. Three years are now elapsed 
 gince the commencement of my diary. During 
 the last year, both in respect to body and mind, I 
 have been brought down as to the sides of the pit, 
 and lifted up. I have been faithful in the ^^ un- 
 righteous mammon;" and, in respect to divers 
 moral duties and religious performanceB, adhered 
 to that which most nearly resembled the right 
 line: but is there not an iniquity in our secret 
 things, which needs to be purged with better sacri- 
 fices than those which were offered under the 
 law ; and made nothing perfect as appertaining to 
 the conscience. 
 
 5. This morning our friend Matthew Johnson 
 went from our house*, having lodged under our 
 roof five nights, and been chiefly with us in the 
 xlay-time. I was with him at four meetings at 
 Hartford, and two at Ware : his public ministra- 
 D 2 
 
 h 
 
7G 
 
 tions v/ere pertinent and lively, and his conver- 
 sation adorned the doctrine he preached y grave, 
 but not austere; courteous, but not light. It is 
 highly necessary for those who profess themselves 
 the disciplejs of a crucified Saviour, and who, in 
 some exterior respects, imitate the plainness and 
 simplicity of his seamless garment, to be careful, 
 lest by any assuming airs, consequential and self- 
 preferring appearances, or levities in converse, 
 they should give libertines any cause to say, are 
 not we more consistent than they, and doth not 
 our dress more comport with our deportment ? 
 
 6, This evening, I was awfully affected by 
 seeing the earth thrown over a fellow-creature j 
 according to that which is written, " Dust thou 
 art, and to dust thou shalt return." This must be 
 the lot of ail; yet how unmindful are the genera- 
 lity of mankind of that most important period, 
 when their *^ mortality must put on immortality;" 
 or, otherwise, they must be consigned to unending 
 perdition. 
 
 9. In the meeting for ministers and elders, 
 divers pertinent cautions were imparted^ against 
 the wisdom and will of man in the exercise of the 
 ministry : but is there not also a danger of their 
 J)eing exercised in the discipline ? Is it not neces- 
 sary that the active moving part in man, which is 
 always ready, should be mortified in both; and 
 that those who are concerned in the ministry or 
 discipline, should be reduced into the same state 
 
"77 
 
 witli those believers, concerning whom it was 
 formerly testified, ^' Ye are dead," *' being buried 
 with Christ by baptism into death ?*' 
 
 14. This week I was favored to attend divers 
 meetings for worship, and most of those for busi- 
 ness : in the latter, a spirit of brotherly love and 
 condescension (with some small exceptions) was 
 mercifully prevalent. In case some well-minded 
 friends had more steadily adhered to the apostolic 
 injunction, *' Let every man be swift to hear, slow 
 to speak," the dignity of those assemblies would 
 have been full as well maintained. 
 
 15. In the forenoon meeting at Hartford, some 
 matter was early impressed on my mind, with a 
 pointing to the people, and repeatedly revived j 
 but I endeavoured to feel my own weakness, the 
 validity of the opening, and of my commission to 
 impart it, and was silent ; some degree of profit 
 and solemnity was, I hope, attendant : in the 
 afternoon, a spirit of heaviness was painfully pre- 
 valent, which, after long waiting in silence, was 
 measurably abated. 
 
 18. In the evening meeting, after the quar- 
 terly meeting, some observations were delivered 
 by Mary Gurney, on the prophet's waiting at the 
 entering of the cave, " for the still small voice :'* 
 may the instruction resulting from the revival of 
 the passage be duly attended to by such who 
 sometimes speak, and they who hear. For some 
 time past, my soul has dwelt in desolation, but, I 
 hope, measurably under the operations of that 
 
 D3 
 
78 
 
 word which is as a hammer, and powerful ^ to the 
 pulling down of strong holds/* In the afternoon^ 
 a passage in holy writ being impressed on my 
 mind, I was rather refreshed;, but desirous that I 
 might not be satisfied, unless my spirit was bap** 
 tized into a sensible and experimental knowledge 
 of the truths declared. 
 
 22. For some days past my flesh and my 
 strength have seemed to fail, by reason of various 
 conflicts, and severe inward exercises. 
 
 23. I perused an excellent little tract, entitled 
 ** Divine Breathings," well deserving the attention 
 of those who are spiritual. 
 
 25. The week-day meeting was a solid sitting.^ 
 divers sentences were imparted with an appli^ 
 cation both to myself and others *, but I was 
 rather desirous of ministring their import in 
 silence, than by words. To the ignorant and un- 
 learned I Rpeak as a barbarian,, but ye who are 
 spiritual, judge what I say. 
 
 28. Some unnecessary, unprofitable words 
 having been uttered, during the course of the pre- 
 sent week, for want of watchfulness, I was self- 
 condemned. 
 
 Seventh Month, 1783. 
 
 13. I went to the general meeting at Huns-^ 
 don, in great lowness ; and, on sitting down, so 
 great was the feebleness both of mind and body, 
 that it appeared rather doubtful whether I should 
 
7<> 
 
 Survive the present day : but, after sitting some 
 time in silence, I was enabled to look towards the 
 Lord and giver of Hfe, with such an efflux of tears 
 as hath been of late unusual. I was strengthened, 
 and some matter was presented with freshness and 
 demonstration ^ but I thought the present exercise 
 might prove a ministration of the spirit fully as 
 profitable v/ithout words. A verbal ministry is 
 at times of advantage. But it is ^' God only 
 who quickeneth the dead, and calleth those things- 
 which are not, as though they were." 
 
 20. I sat in both m.eetings in great bowedness . 
 of spirit, bewailing my desolations both of body 
 and mind. The preceding v/eek was attended 
 with unusual spasms and palpitations of heart : 
 the poor worn-out machine seems declining, and 
 drawing apace to the dust, from whence it origi- 
 nated, I am now incapacitated from reading any 
 thing 5 being scarce able to look into the volume of 
 the book without, or the law, which is light : but 
 ** the Lion of the Tribe of Judah can unloose 
 the seven seals •," ^' the bright and the morning 
 star can even yet irradiate the dreary regions of 
 the shadow of death ;" " he can break in pieces 
 the gates of brass, and cut asunder the bars of 
 iron." 
 
 2 J. Not having, for many days past, either 
 read in the Scriptures, or had any portion of them 
 renewed in my remembrance, the application of 
 the poor leper unto the Lord Jcius, and the relief 
 he obtained, was impressed with a degree of con- 
 D4 
 
80 
 
 solation; as was also that very gracious promise, 
 recorded in the 2d of Hosea, " I will give her the 
 valley of Achor for a door of hope." When he, 
 who so emphatically expounded the Scriptures to 
 his disciples, withdraws his spiritual presence, by 
 which he promised to be always with his people, 
 the whole bible is a bla.ik, and no part of it 
 affords light or consolation ; but, when he ap- 
 pears, the words, which are recorded, are as 
 *^ apples of gold in pictures of silver,'* *' and 
 as nails fastened in a sure place, by the master of 
 assemblies,*' wha teacheth his people to profit. 
 
 29. Still shut out of the Scriptures v and the 
 inward exercise of my mind so weak, as to be 
 scarcely discernible. 
 
 Eighth Month, 1783. 
 
 4. Death so remarkably reigned in my own 
 individual, on sitting down in the monthly meet- 
 ing, that it seemed like a canopy to cover the. 
 assembly. Notwithstanding whatsoever forma- 
 lists, and mere rationalists may suggest, I have 
 been long firmly persuaded that, at times, when 
 either life or death, darkness or light, pre- 
 vail in a particular person, it not only extends 
 itself to others, but is a ministration of the Lord 
 of life, or the prince of darkness, to a meeting ia 
 general, without the medium of vocal language, 
 
 8. As I iat under the trees by moon-light, .1 
 
81 
 
 was favored with some glimpses " of the un- 
 searchable riches of Christ." 
 
 9. The forenoon was spent comfortably; I 
 was measurably recollected, and enlivened in 
 spirit. 
 
 TO. I sat down, in the forenoon meeting, 
 under great distress and perturbation of spirit ; 
 but, before long, notwithstanding the desolations 
 of yesterday, my heart and my lips became 
 touched, in som& degree, as with a live coal from 
 the altar. J, M. and M. P. ministered with 
 much acceptance : although the meeting was 
 detained longer than usual, a living solemnity con- 
 tinued to the close. 
 
 19. Being in London, I attended the marriage 
 of E.G. and J. G. at Horslydown; a low meet- 
 ing : our friend Nicholas Vv^alne, of Philadelphia, 
 was present, but silent. Silence seems to be the 
 dispensation of the present day ; at least, among 
 us as a rehgious society, peculiarly called from a 
 dependence on the teachings of men, and to that 
 worship which stands not in word, but in power. 
 
 20. I went to Gracechurch-street meeting on 
 the fourth day, in fear, and a cross to my own 
 will, without any expectations, either immediately 
 or instrumentally. I sat in lowness, but well 
 satisfied. We ought to have no dependence on 
 any works of obedience, but our only hope of ac- 
 ceptance ought to be on Christ-, nevertheless, 
 that acceptance is not attainable in a ,state of 
 disobedience, but as we obey the gospel j God 
 
 r>5 
 
being either pleased or displeased with us every- 
 hour, according to the tenor of our hearts and 
 conduct ; — a proposition reprobated by many who 
 are orthodox in heart, and suppose themselves to- 
 be so in sentiment. But I esteem the Holy Scrip- 
 ture the only written standard of orthodoxy. 
 
 23. This week has passed pretty comfortably^ 
 not much cause for condemnation having attended ^ 
 nevertheless, I have fallen short in respect to unne- 
 cessary words and thoughts. " When we neither 
 act, speak, nor think, any thing inconsistent with 
 the Divine will," this, says one, is '^ perfect sancti- 
 ficationj" and this is the mark of our high and 
 holy calling in Christ Jesus 5 who, himself '' was 
 holy, harmless, undefiled, and separate from sin- 
 ners." 
 
 25. I received a letter from our dear and 
 worthy friend, Thomas Hartley, who, although 
 aged and infirm, appears to retain a fresh and 
 lively sense of that true and experimental religion ^ 
 which consists not in the letter, but the spirit, 
 and that circumcision which is inward. 
 
 29. The last two weeks have been spent pretty 
 comfortably, but not without various defects. 
 
 31. In the meeting of ministers and elders, 
 those present were reminded of former days ; of 
 the early visitation of the spirit, which moved 
 upon Sampson in the camp of Dan ; and their 
 losses sustained by the too frequent prevalence of 
 the Philistine nature within them. 
 
83 
 
 Ninth Month, i7?3. 
 
 I. In the afternoon meeting, something was 
 expressed concerning the dominion of death, and 
 the power of him, " who hath the keys of death 
 and of hell." 
 
 12. Early In the morning, I was desirous I 
 might be preserved during the ensuing day, from 
 unprofitable speaking ; the desires of the morning 
 were measurably answered ; according to that 
 which is written, " It is God that worketh in 
 you, both to will and to do, of his good plea- 
 sure/' 
 
 TO. Two robbers having been taken up In the 
 neighbourhood, an inquiry occurred, — how much 
 better am I than they, who am guilty before God 
 of having too frequently v/Ithheld my h^art from 
 thie Proprietor of Heaven and earth j who hath 
 said, ^' My son, give me thy heart." 
 
 28. In the forenoon meeting, various presen- 
 tations and sentiments concerning religious sub- 
 jects were suggested in the early part of the meet- 
 ing, and continued nearly to the conclusion : they 
 appeared rather the progeny of the creaturely 
 cogitative faculty, than to arise from a superior 
 origin. '' By their fruits 'ye shall know them." 
 I intend this not so much in respect to what may 
 be offered from without, as what passeth within ; 
 whatsoever sentiments and presentations promote 
 dissipation, or leave the mind barely where it was 
 D6 
 
Si 
 
 before, are hurtful, or at least indifferent ; but 
 those which draw the mind nearer to God, and 
 strengthen an inward exercise and travail of spirit 
 towards him, are good, and to be received with 
 thanksgiving. Every offering, exhibited either in- 
 ternally or ministerially, is to be seasoned with the 
 salt of the everlasting covenant. But as ministe- 
 rial administrations, offered in weakness and child- 
 like simplicity, may possibly be more acceptable 
 in the sight of him, who seeth not as man seeth, 
 than some which may more nearly re^^semble the 
 life and wisdom of truth, we ought to be very 
 jealous over ourselves and our own offerings, and as 
 cautious and tender in the judging of others, or 
 what may be offered by them ; as it is written, 
 *^ Judge nothing before the time, until the Lord 
 come; who will bring to light the hidden things 
 of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels 
 of the heart ; and then shall every man have praise 
 of God." When George Fox was sent forth to 
 preach the everlasting gospel, and to turn men 
 from darkness to light, many illiterate persons, 
 both men, women, and children, were also sent 
 forth with him to labour in the Lord's harvest- 
 field ; in which there was supposed to be many 
 labourers under various characters, abundantly 
 superior to them, not only in human wisdom and 
 acquirements, and the knov/ledge of the Holy 
 Scriptures, but likewise in deep experience and 
 heartfelt religion ; who became jealous of them, 
 whom they esteemed no people. Thus in various 
 
85 
 
 dispensations have the disciples of a crucified 
 Saviour been esteemed as the ofF-scouring of the 
 people, and the doctrine of the cross, foolishness ; 
 that by the things v^rhich are despised and are 
 not, might be brought to nought the things u^hich 
 are, " that no flesh should: glory in his presence.'* 
 In the exercise of a public ministry, even where 
 there is a degree of rightness, and especially vi^here 
 those concerned may suppose themselves much 
 behind hand in the work, through past unfaithful- 
 ness, there are many rocks, shoals, and quicksands, 
 on which the rightly-laden vessel may be ship- 
 wrecked and suffer loss ; and indeed so weighty is 
 the work, and so diversified the dangers, that 
 there is abundant cause for all, from the least 
 child, to the most experienced minister, to unite 
 in a language formerly uttered, " And who is 
 sufficient for these things ? " In the afternoon 
 meeting, neither sun, moon, nor stars were discern- 
 ible ; nevertheless, just before the close, a cry 
 from the bottom of my soul seemed to ascend to 
 an Almighty helper, who can cause light to 
 arise in the midst of darkness, and " turn the sha- 
 dow of death into the morning." 
 
 Tenth Month, 1783. 
 
 II. So!ne merciful preservations from evil have, 
 this week, been measurably experienced; neverthe- 
 less, I have been deeply convinced of the enmity 
 and malignant propensities of human nature, and 
 
?>f satan transformed into an angel of light, working 
 on them, both in myself and others ; whence arise 
 ^^ debates, envyings, wraths, strifes, backbitings, 
 whisperings, swellings, tumults ;" instead of that 
 *^ charity which sufFereth long, and is kind ;*' " re- 
 joiceth not in iniquity, but in the truth ; bearetL 
 all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." 
 
 15. As I was going to the week-day meeting 
 a thought passed my mind concerning a state of 
 trembling, which I esteemed to be only casual ; 
 but after having sat some little time in the meeting, 
 the matter was unexpectedly renewed in my re- 
 membrance, with such strength and enlargement ^ 
 that comparatively, my " brook became a river," 
 with a pointing to those present ;. but I was fearful 
 of breaking in, hastily, upon the solemnity which 
 seemed to attend in silence j lest, instead of in- 
 creasing, I should scatter*, and lest words, instead 
 of enriching, should tend to poverty. But before 
 the close I dropt a few sentences, with a degree of 
 liberty and satisfaction. 
 
 16. The week-day meeting was solid; various 
 openings were attendant, without the least pointing 
 to express them ; but rather thankfully to return 
 them into the treasury, from whence I hope they 
 proceeded. For some days past, clouds and sun- 
 shine have been alternately attendant. Internally, 
 some short intervals of light and recollection were 
 attendant ; the attractions of the Father in their 
 lowest and weakest administrations, lead to 
 ** Christ in us the hope of glory." 
 
87 
 
 l8. The days of darkness will overtake sudi 
 who possess their souls in peace, and see no sor- 
 row; and, sooner or later, they will be witnesses of 
 this unexceptionable truth, " Man is born unto 
 trouble.'* When the Lord " cometh up to the 
 people, He will invade them with his troops ; 
 the strong shall be as tow, and the maker of it 
 as a spark." One with whom I am peculiarly 
 connected, who has been in the possession of 
 health and afRuence, being of late attacked with a 
 dangerous disease, occasioned the preceding re- 
 marks. 
 
 20. The p^laintive language of the prophet 
 many times occurred, '* I will bewail with the 
 weeping of Jazer, the vine of Sibmah : I will 
 water thee with my tears, O Heshboen and Elea- 
 kh.'' 
 
 21. Having reproved a beloved friend with as- 
 perity for a supposed error, I suffered compunction. 
 
 22. Three short testimonies were delivered in 
 the week-day meeting. I was oppressed under a 
 sense of iniquity. '* A wounded spirit who can 
 bear," was the language of one formerly. I sat 
 bitterly bewailing my manifold deviations from the 
 path of peace. There is a woe to them by whom 
 offences come ; but when they have been ad- 
 ministered, it is certainly a duty incumbent to 
 acknowledge them, and to seek with solicitude for 
 a real reconciliation with those, whom we may 
 suppose have been offended. In this respect 
 I have been pretty uniformly careful, and by an 
 
acknowledgement of my petulance in the confe- 
 rence of yesterday, to the friend concerned, I was 
 measurably relieved. " In the world, said our 
 blessed Lord, ye shall have trouble." The Son of 
 Man came not to send peace on earth, but rather 
 a sword in the hearts and houses of those who are 
 seeking to follow him in the regeneration, and to 
 £11 up that which is behind of the sufferings of 
 Christ. , But when he breaketh the yoke of their 
 burthen, and taketh to himself his great power 
 and reigneth, he is experienced to be^" the Ever- 
 lasting Father, the Prince of Peace ; " " whose 
 dominion is from everlasting" to everlasting. 
 *' Even so ; Come, Lord Jesus -/' come quickly. 
 Amen and Amen. 
 
 26. In the forenoon meeting, much matter was 
 presented before the view of my mind, which was 
 measurably profitable to myself, although unmeet 
 at that season for utterance. In the afternoon, 
 near the conclusion, a few words were expressed, 
 concerning our incapacity to watch with Christ 
 one hour, without supernatural assistance. 
 ' 28. The Lord who dwelleth on high, re- 
 gardeth the prisoners on earth ; " He keepeth all 
 their bones, that not one of them is broken." 
 As I walked in the fields, I was enabled to re- 
 member the words of his holiness*, and some 
 passages of holy writ were brought before me with 
 a degree of freshness. 
 
 31. After a painful night, internally, I was 
 tossed with tempests j I was in a strait place, en- 
 
89 
 
 ccmipasscci on every side ; but, towards noon, some 
 eensations were attendant of that almighty and 
 infinite power, whose way is in the sea, and 
 *' who maketh the clouds his chariots :" his word is 
 within, as '^ treasure hid in the sand,'"' " and his 
 righteousness is revealed from heaven," for the 
 help of the poor, whose soul fainteth within him. 
 •^ Although thou sayest I shall not see him," yet, 
 O my soul, trust thou in him ; for thy judgment 
 is before him ; his judgments are unsearchable as 
 the deeps, but his mercy endureth for ever. 
 
 Eleventh Month, 1783. 
 
 3. This day was passed more comfortably 
 than some, though deeply impressed with a sense 
 of my own poverty 5 having nothing, " neither 
 purse nor scrip." 
 
 5. A day of trouble and treading down, and 
 perplexity in the valley of vision. 
 
 6. In the Park evening meeting, I was early 
 impressed with a sense of the great benefit result- 
 ing from being inwardly gathered to Shiloh, " the 
 bright and the morning star;'' who beareth wit- 
 ness of himself J " whose witness is true,'" and 
 abundantly more vStrong than all the prophetical 
 and miraculous attestations of his coming and 
 glory; they being proposed to unbelievers, are 
 rejected by them v/ho continue in their unbelief. 
 But the spirit is an undeniable* soul-satisfying and 
 
90 
 
 self-demonstrative evidence, that the Son of Gocf 
 is come, hath sufFered for our sins, and is risen 
 again for our justification. And thus, *' the less 
 is blessed of the greater,'' in those who receive 
 him in his spiritual appearance, as the light of the 
 world and life of men. These truths were opened 
 in my mind with clearness and demonstration, 
 without the least appearance of their being in- 
 tended for others. 
 
 10. I attended both meetings at Horslydov/n, 
 which were whollv held in silence. ^ An exercise 
 in spirit, somewhat similar to the patriarch Jacob, 
 in the night season, was experienced •, but the 
 dawning of the day seemed wholly withheld. 
 
 15. Early in the morning, I was impressed 
 with terror, having, dreamt of being with one who 
 hath for some time been numbered with the dead \ 
 as also of sinking myself in miry places and deep 
 waters; as also of being in danger from a bad foun- 
 dation and a rotten superstructure \ but likewise, 
 that in the time of need, in the hour of distress,. 
 there appeared a hand, stretched out to help. 
 May the latter part of the dream be fulfilled in 
 spirit. The same Omnipotent arm, which sus- 
 tained sinking Peter, is not diminished in power. 
 Awake, awake ! O, Arm of the Lord ! "art not 
 thou it, which cut Rahab and wounded the 
 dragon," who made '' a way through the sea, and 
 a. path through the mighty waters ?'' 
 
 17. This day I have been preserved pretty 
 quiet and comfortable in spirit, . and clear from 
 
91) 
 
 speaking unprofitably -, a great favour, *^" not o£ 
 works but of grace/' which teacheth to deny all 
 ungodliness. O ! may the fruits of the spirit be 
 daily experienced 5 '* that instead of the thorn, 
 may come up the fir tree, and instead of the 
 briar, the myrtle tree /' " and that the fruits of 
 righteousness may be sown in peace/' as a testi- 
 mony to that ^' righteousness which is of God by 
 faith," even the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ,, 
 who himself was " meek and lowly in heart/' 
 " who, when he was reviled, reviled not again.'* 
 Being lame, and the weather wet, I was much 
 within, and perused the journal of our deceased 
 friend John Churchman, of North America. I 
 had read it when it was first published; but on a 
 fresh investigation of the contents, I was im- 
 pressed with a savour of some inward experiences 
 therein contained. In page 222, I find the follow- 
 ing passage, very necessary to be noticed by all 
 who may have any concern in a public ministry. 
 *' In attending the meetings as they came in 
 course, I felt a gradual opening and strength to 
 declare those things which before had been sealed 
 up ; being now made sensible, that every vision 
 and opening, which the Lord is pleased to mani- 
 fest to his servants, are not for immediate utter- 
 ance. But the Lord who gives judgment, should 
 be carefully waited upon; who only can shew, by 
 the manifestation of his light, the time when." 
 
 18. Walking in the fields, my mind was mea- 
 surably comfortable and luminous *, tte desire of 
 
9t 
 
 my soul was to tlie Lord, and the remembrance of 
 his name. Afterwards a cloud overspread my 
 horizon ; the cause not unknown. 
 
 19. I thought of leaving ofF my diary, but 
 remembered him " who, against hope, believed in 
 hope." I am at times favored with some sen- 
 sations of '' the comforts of love", and of " the 
 meekness and gentleness of Christ :" but, alas, 
 they are soon suspended. The immediate fore- 
 runner of the High Priest of our profession, " saw 
 the spirit descending from heaven like a dove, and 
 it abode upon him." He was not only our pro- 
 pitiation, but example 5 and as he was, so ought 
 we to be, in this present world. Nevertheless, 
 as in our *^ flesh there dwelleth no good thing," I 
 am persuaded those visitations of divine good, come 
 from above, and therefore ought not to be de- 
 spised ; but rather received with thanksgiving, and 
 a desire after the increase, which is of God. 
 
 21. I went with my wife to visit John AlHs ; 
 concerning whom, as well as myself, it may be 
 remarked. Our days are declining swiftly as a 
 shadow ; we are withering, as grass j great po- 
 verty, and distress also, attends within, but not 
 without some lookings towards the source of all 
 good. Some fresh attacks of pain likewise pre- 
 vail, and mementos to follow the Lord more fully, 
 at the eleventh hour of the day. 
 
 23. After having sat a short time in the fore- 
 noon meeting, these words were mentally formed. 
 May good arise for the help of the poor. I 
 
93 
 
 thought the waiting to have them more power- 
 fully impressed within, might be more profitable 
 to the assembly, than the uttering them by words. 5 
 but there was no increase of power. I believe 
 deep poverty continued to be the portion of the 
 poor. 
 
 29. This week, I have been under strong ap- 
 ^prehensions of death ; symptoms of acute disease 
 having been attendant. They now are measurably 
 suspeflded, thanks to the Preserver of men ; " un- 
 to whom belong the issues from death." May I, 
 for the very short space, the few sands which yet 
 remain, no longer live unto myself j but die daily, 
 by the power of Christ •, '^ w^ho both died, rose, 
 and revived, that he might be [Lordj both of the 
 iiving and the dead.'' 
 
 \ 
 
 Twelfth Month, 17 S3. 
 
 I. As I walked in the fields, the following 
 aspirations 'vyere formed within me— May I be for 
 ever with the Lord, and behold his glory. The 
 day was passed peaceably, and free from condem- 
 nation. 
 
 8. The wounds of seventh-day were alleviatedj 
 but not healed. 
 
 10. By reason of a letter concerning the dan- 
 gerous illness of my brother John Scott, and his 
 continued solicitude to see me, in great distress 
 and anxiety of spirit, excited by various consider- 
 
m 
 
 -Options, I went from Hartford, and the same even* 
 ing I visited him at his house at RadcHfF. To my 
 great satisfaction, I beheld in him the pride and 
 .glory of all flesh abased •, and the Saviour, who 
 was clothed in the seamless robe, " wliose hands 
 and feet were pierced," and whose head was 
 rrowned with thorns, exalted as the only rock in 
 the valley of death. How wonderful are the 
 works of Jehovah J " who maketh the city an heap, 
 the defenced city a ruin/' " the palace of strangers 
 to be no city /' and who causeth " the branch of 
 the terrible to be brought low." 
 
 II, After a sleepless night, I was four times 
 over London Bridge, distressed in mind ; but in 
 xthe evening, I experienced some access in spirit to 
 the throne of grace, through the Mediator, 
 
 1 6. In the week-day meeting, at Horslydown, 
 heaviness and darkness were the covering of my 
 spirit 5 however, some perceptions were attendant, 
 that the Lord seeth through the thick darkness, 
 and that the clouds cover not from him ; they 
 were rather suspended before the meeting closed. 
 At night, walking over London Bridge, I was 
 comforted with some feeling of the preciousness 
 of Christ; both with respect to his meritorious 
 transactions without, and the internal operations 
 of his power, as " the hope of glory.'* 
 
 17. We visited my sister Scott, to whom' I 
 shewed some memoirs respecting what passed 
 betwixt myself and my deceased brother, at out 
 last interview; she allowed their authenticity. A 
 
95 
 
 low day, much " in the valley of the shadow of 
 death." 
 
 r8. I attended the funeral of my brother, at 
 P.adcllfF. When I reached my own apartments, 
 in Tooley-street, I found divers letters from my 
 friends, vt^hich afForded some consolation to my 
 poor disconsolate spirit. 
 
 21. In the forenoon meeting, at Hartford, 
 some solemnity attended, with desires for sparing 
 and forbearing mercy ; that I might yet praise the 
 Lord in the land of the living, and the assemblies 
 of the people. ^ 
 
 23. A pretty comfortable day; not Vv^thout 
 som.e lookings towards the land which is on the 
 other side of Jordan. 
 
 £5. A cold snowy day, and tempestuous as to 
 weather, but rather peaceable within. O ! that I 
 may yet, as in the latest periods of human life, 
 experience the cifoss of Christ inwardly prevailing, 
 with a sense of his pardoning love for the mani- 
 fold errors of my past life : his love, indeed, 
 ^* passeth knowledge," aHd is unsearchable as the 
 deep. 
 
 27. In the course of nature, the messenger 
 on the pale horse must be near; perhaps, as on 
 the very threshhold of the door : may I experience 
 death to be abolished, and life and immortality to 
 be brought to light, through the gospel, which is 
 the power of God unto salvation. 
 
 31. In the week-day meeting, I was exercised 
 in mental prayer and meditation •, I hope measu- 
 
 L 
 
96 
 
 Tably by the spirit that quickeneth. This being 
 the last day in the year 1783, amidst various in- 
 terruptions, I have reviewed the works of Jehovah, 
 ^nd his wonders in the deep : towards the close, a 
 very afFecting scene was attendant in the visiting 
 my brother John Scott, on his death-bed. ** Ga- 
 ther up the fragments that remain that nothing 
 be lost," was the command of 'our great master ; 
 consistent with which, I esteem it my duty to 
 preserve, and make known to some, the dying 
 expressions of the deceased j as a testimony to the 
 cause of Christianity, and the power of Christ ; 
 being fully persuaded that ^* there is no name 
 given under heaven, or amongst men, whereby 
 we must be saved,'' but the name of Jesus Christ : 
 both as he was in the fulness of time manifested 
 in the flesh, and as he is declared in power to be 
 the Son of God, according to the spirit of holi- 
 ness, by the resurrection from the dead 5 and 
 Christ within, ^^the hope of glory,'' *^' the Lord our 
 righteousness." In the evening, during a sitting 
 in silence in a friend's house, I was favored with 
 a sense of that mercy, which I so much need, 
 a^d so little deserve. 
 
 First Month, 1784, 
 
 I, This day, amidst bodily pains and various 
 Interruptions, hath been passed tinder some sense 
 of the Divine Presence, ^' in the house of my 
 
97 
 
 .pilgrimage;'^ may the same be increased from 
 day to day, until *^ mortality is swallowed up 
 of life/' '^ Walk before me, and be thou perfect ;" 
 was the command of God to Abraham, who was 
 no legalist, but saw the day of Christ, and was glad. 
 2. A calm day within, and clear from those 
 communications which gender to bondage. Thanks 
 -to the preserver of men. 
 
 7. During most part of the week-day meet- 
 ing, an exercise was continued to get near to 
 Christ, in spirit; and divers openings attended, 
 respecting the advantage thereof ; but I was fear- 
 ful of imparting to others, what might be only- 
 intended for myself. Afterwards, in the Seal 
 ilelds, some tenderness and compunction of spirit 
 was experienced before him, who " doth great 
 things past finding out ; yea, and wonders without 
 number." 
 
 8. In the evening, v/alking in the fields near 
 Dunkirks, these words, although I believe not 
 precisely contained in Scripture, were impressed 
 on my mind, with some savour and application, 
 viz. the Lamb shall be their leader. 
 
 9. The Lamb shall be their leader. May 
 ^the Lamb, who hath been slain from the founda- 
 tion of -fallen nature in man, overcome; " angels, 
 authorities, and powers being made subject to him." 
 
 10. This wTek, various causes of sorrow have 
 attended ; but not without a hope ^^ in those mer- 
 vcies which are new every morning." 
 
 17. An inward exercise v^aS supported, with 
 E 
 
9S 
 
 some degree of strength and freshness, during the 
 fore part of the week ; since, rather a relaxation 
 therein has prevailed. 
 
 20. In the week-day meeting, I sat under 
 some sense of " that faith, which is by the ope- 
 ration of God." 
 
 30. For some time past, I have been employed 
 in a work which has long been before me, viz. 
 the revising, correcting, and abridging my diary, 
 which was begun in the year 1780. Wonderful 
 have been the Lord's dealings with^me, and his 
 mercies, which can never be recounted. May the 
 recording of them prove a way-mark to the 
 weary ! 
 
 StcoND Month, 1784. 
 
 12. As I was getting into a chaise, I broke my 
 K^hin ; by which means I was almost wholly con- 
 fined within doors, until the 9th of the third 
 month. At times I was thankful to ^* the Father 
 of our Lord Jesus Christ, of whom the whole 
 family in heaven and earth is named,'* that no 
 more severe an infliction had befallen me. 
 
 Fourth Month, 1784. 
 
 5. In the monthly meeting, the iniquities of 
 my holy things were set in order before me ; par- 
 ticubrly, in concerns in the ministry and disci- 
 
99 
 
 pline. My most early appearances In the former, 
 were at a time when pursuits of a different kind 
 much engrossed my attention : In respect to the 
 latter, there long existed a zeal, which was incom- 
 patible with true knowledge, and that fear of 
 the Lord, which " is the beginning of wisdom ;" 
 instead of judgment there was frequently a cry, 
 somewhat similar to what was formerly uttered, 
 *^ Come with me, and see my zeal for the Lord/' 
 I much sought after the praise and approbation of 
 faithful men, aiid I had my reward. But the 
 Lord seeth not as man sceth, and " bringeth 
 every work into judgment, with every secret 
 thing/' " For judgment I am come into this 
 world,'' said the faithful and true witness ; and 
 the spirit reproveth ^* of sin, of righteousness, and 
 of judgment." May all, who are at ease in Zion, 
 bow before him, who is " judge of quick and 
 dead ;" that in the valley of Achor may be opened 
 a door of hope. 
 
 15. After a painful and troublesome night, 
 with an old complaint, I v/as seized with severe 
 spasms. 
 
 16. This day was passed pretty inofFeiisIvely, 
 yet not without room for amendment ; I will 
 set a bridle before ^' the door of my lips :' if we 
 were at all times careful so to do, we should often 
 obtain strength in silence, and by our words be 
 justified. 
 
 2 1 . The week-day meeting was a large, solid 
 E2 
 
100 
 
 sitting, in silence ; the power of truth benig mea- 
 surably prevalent. 
 
 22. This day was the elecdon for the county 
 ©f Hartford. Contested elections are very repug- 
 nant to the spirit of Christ ; concerning whom it 
 was predicted, that he should *' not strive, nor cry, 
 neither should any man hear his voice in the 
 streets ;" and v/hose servants were " not to strive, 
 but be gentle.'' I v/as rather passive, and indiffer- 
 ent concerning the event : but, in those cases, it is 
 almost impossible to avoid being, in soTne degree, 
 interested ; although the preference may seem 
 slight, and without any culpable interference. 
 
 25. Walking in the evening, this petition was 
 mentally formed : O ! Lord, may I come to thee, 
 and be thy disciple, as at the eleventh hour of th^ 
 day. 
 
 Fifth Month, 1784. 
 
 2. I attended the general meeting at Cross- 
 brook-street. Some desires attended, that the 
 fiery roll of the Lord's indignation might be re- 
 moved, by and through, Jesus Christ. These 
 avrful passages in holy writ were also renewed in 
 my remembrance: that the Lord ^' will by no 
 means clear the guilty •," ^' every tree which bring- 
 eth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast 
 into the fire." 
 
 4. As I was coming out of the fields in the 
 
101 
 
 evening, neither forewarned nor forearmed, I was 
 attacked with a fit of impetuosity. There was 
 indeed some cause of displeasure 5 a lad, under 
 my care, appearing guilty of prevarication — an 
 enormous crime, which ought to be discouraged 
 with a just severity : but alas! how far are my 
 feet from being " shod wiih the preparation of 
 the gospel of peace/' 
 
 5. Early in the morning, my mind was im- 
 pressed with convictions for the turbulence of last - 
 evening. If my lot had been cast for ever in that 
 hour of disorder, how tremendous would have 
 been the event. AVraths, swellings, and tumults, 
 are certainly the fruits of the flesh j and although 
 they may be palliated by the false reasoner, are 
 condemned by the *' faithful and true witness." 
 In the week-day meeting, my mind was as ** the 
 troubled sea •," but, from the centre of my soul, 
 did there not a cry and secret sigh ascend to the 
 Fountain of Being ? as it is written, ** Deep 
 calleth unto deep -j' ^* all thy waves and thy bil- 
 lows are gone over me j'' and again, " Deep 
 calleth unto deep." 
 
 10. In the evening, I visited my long ac- 
 quainted friend, A. O. who appeared to be sen- 
 sible of her approaching dissolution, and resigned 
 to the divine will. Speaking a few dry words, 
 concerning Christ being the resurrection and the 
 life, without an immediate feeling of his presence, 
 they soon became my burthen j and I came home 
 nakod and wounded. 
 
 E3 
 
102 
 
 If. Walking in Clielmsford, some breathings 
 were begotten towards the Father of Spirits, 
 through the Mediator ; who declared himself to 
 be " the way, the truth, and the hfej whose spirit 
 maketh intercession for us with groanings, which 
 cannot be uttered ;'' and who prayeth for us, and 
 in us, when we oursehres appear to be in a prayer- 
 less state, and unable so much as to lift up our 
 eyes towards heaven. 
 
 13. On Porthill, some desires w,ere renewed 
 after him who is invisible, and the word of his 
 power, '^ the spirit that quickeneth.'' 
 
 15. This week, bodily and mental pain have 
 been suspended : little advancement has been 
 attained in grace and true godliness, nor in a 
 lively *lfbx*perience of that gracious promise re*- 
 
 . corded in the 14th ch< pter of Hosea, viz. '* I will 
 be as the dew unto Israel : he shall grow as the 
 lily, and cast forth his roots as Lebanon j " never- 
 theless, the Christian life is a hidden life, and true 
 believers " walk by faith, and not by sight. '* 
 May not my faith be fancy, taken from the lives 
 of other men, or barely from the letter of the 
 Scripture ; but through '^ the operation of God," 
 without which, faith is dead, even ** as the body 
 without the spirit is dead.'' 
 
 16. In the forenoon meeting, some words were 
 uttered concerning being '* buried with Christ by 
 baptism into death." The matter was freshly and 
 powerfully impressed, and uttered with a degree 
 of clearness and satisfaction: M. P. was after- 
 
103 
 
 wards acceptably led forth in supplication. Upon 
 the whole, I hope it was a favoured and solemn 
 season. 
 
 19. In the week-day meeting,, after sitting in 
 bodily and mental pain, I remembered, with a 
 degree of freshness, our Saviour's turning the 
 water into wine. O ! may he, by the rod of his 
 everlasting strength, heal the waters of my afflic- 
 tion ^ that the poor may have hope, and Jordan 
 be driven back. Amen ! Amen ! 
 
 21. This evening, departed this life, Ann 
 Orger*, with whom 1 had been intimately ac- 
 quainted forty- four years. Many of my friends 
 are already numbered with the dead ; and the 
 angel of death seems to be hovering over the habi- 
 tations of those who are yet living. *' It is ap- 
 pointed unto men once to die;" and, O ! the tre- 
 mendous important consequence ; '^ but after this, 
 the judgment;'' from which neither men nor angels 
 can deliver, but only the Prince of Life : with 
 whom is the water and the blood, the light and 
 the atonement. 
 
 22. By continued indisposition, I am this day 
 prevented from going to Hitchin, in order to 
 attend the funeral of our worthy friend, Isaac 
 Sharpies, on the morrow. 
 
 23. Although pained in body and low in mind, 
 I found an inclination to sit vi^ith my friends in 
 the forenoon-meeting at Hartford ; the gracious 
 declaration of the Lord Jesus being renewed in my 
 rem.embrance, whh a degree of light and power j 
 
 E4 
 
104 
 
 viz. ^^ Where two or three are gathered together 
 in my name, there am I in the midst of them j" 
 some words were uttered, relative to his Almightj 
 power, omnipresence, and priesthood . The meeting 
 was smaller than usual , many friends being gone 
 from home to attend the funeral of our worthy 
 friend, and minister of Christ, Isaac Sharpies j 
 who was a Prince in Israel, not seeking to lord 
 it over God's heritage ; but an ensample to the 
 flock. Let the young and inexperienced, amongst 
 us, beware of that unrighteous leaven ; nor .therein 
 folio v/ the footsteps even of those who are, in 
 many respects, ** worthy of double honour ;" and" 
 whom they may esteem better than themselves. 
 Jesus Christ only is the perfect unvarying example, 
 and high priest of his people ; who himself, was 
 *^ meek and lowly in heart ;" and sought not his 
 own honour, but the honour of him who sent 
 him ; and of whom our friend was a faithful 
 follower, according to " the measure of the stature 
 of the fulness of Christ/' 
 
 26. Some injudicious interferences and con- 
 fabulations of the members of our society, both 
 formerly and of late, occurring to my remem- 
 brance, my mind became defiled ; under the 
 weight of which, I sat down in the week-day 
 meeting : but after some time of silent waiting, I 
 was favoured clearly to perceive, that this must be 
 purged by the baptism of him, " whose fan is in 
 his hand j" aad sc.-ttered as *^ the chaff of the sum- 
 mer threshing floor j" that we may be blind as the 
 
105 
 
 Lord's servant, and deaf as his messenger ; *^ see- 
 ing many things, but observing them not/' My 
 mind became sensibly cahiied, under a sense of 
 his adorable merc'es, and the gracious operations 
 of Him, *' who giveth songs in the night ;" who 
 imparteth light in darkness, and counsel in con- 
 fusion ; " who maketh the clouds his chariots, who 
 walketh upon the v/ings of the wind." Some, on 
 whom the light hath measurably risen, have seen 
 things wrongs and not waiting in self-nothingness, 
 to see more light, a root of bitterness hath sprung 
 up. 
 
 27. At the funeral of Ann Orger, our friend 
 Ralph Baim.bridge was largely led forth, to de- 
 monstrate the necessity of the obedience of faith 
 in the divine principle; the grace which brings 
 salvation. I am clearly convinced that, although 
 salvation is only attainable through Christ the 
 propitiation, yet we are ever under condemnation, 
 whilst we are in a state of disobedience ; and are 
 only justified in obedience to him, by whom we 
 are sanctified. An evening of distress and pertur- 
 bation, on account of myself and others. 
 
 Sixth Month, 1784. 
 
 I. This day four years, I began the recording 
 of experiences •, few and evil have been the days 
 which have since elapsed. Inwardly and outwardly 
 I have been cast down and lifted up •, and I now 
 
 ■ E5 
 
106 
 
 stand as it were on the brink of the grave, and 
 the verge of an awful eternity. Measurably, 
 morning by morning, '* he awakeneth mine ear to 
 hear, as the learned^" " neither turned I away 
 back." His salvation hath been my desire, and a part 
 in his covenant. In unsearchable wisdom, all his 
 works are wrought. If the sons of Belial had 
 been thrust away, peradventure I might have in- 
 creased; but not in the increase of God. He is 
 justified in all his ways ; great and marvellous are 
 all his works ; righteousness belongs to him j but 
 to me, shame and confusion of face. May his 
 goodness be miore gloriously manifested, before I 
 die, and his name internally proclaimed; "the Lord 
 God, gracious and merciful," " forgiving iniquity, 
 transgression, and sin." 
 
 1 6. This evening our friend Rebecca Wright, 
 of North America, with her companion, M. R. 
 came to our house. Myself and wife were with 
 them at Hartford, Ware, and Hitchin ; in which 
 meetings, their ministrations were well accepted. 
 
 19. Walking this evening in the meadows 
 near Hitchin town, in great lov/ness of body and 
 mind, these words were immediately suggested, 
 viz. Jesus, the fairest of ten thousand. A bare and 
 lifeless remembrance of them only, now remains ; 
 but, at the time, the impression of them was so 
 powerful, as to produce tears of contrition : a 
 favour I had not experienced in my rural retire- 
 ments for many days. The rich and the full 
 loathe even the honeycomb ; but to the poor and 
 
107 
 
 contrite ones, tlie smallest crumbs which fall from 
 the Master's table, are precious ; inestimably so. 
 
 23. In the week-day meeting, I was favored 
 with some sensations of Christ Jesus ; " the same 
 yesterday, to-day, and for ever *," and his gracious 
 operations in the flesh, and in the spirit, as one 
 Lord Jesus •, God blessed for ever. 
 
 28. Walking in the fields, some sensations 
 were livingly impressed concerning the efficacy 
 of the blood of Jesus Christ, which was shed 
 without the gates of Jerusalem 5 and as manifested 
 within, " sprinkleth from an evil conscience/' and 
 purgeth from all sin. 
 
 Seventh Month, 1784. 
 
 4. In the forenoon meeting, some unexpected 
 glimpses of light and divine intelligence being 
 imparted, with a pointing to those present, a 
 short testimony was delivered, concerning the 
 blindness of man j and to the Lord Jesus Christ, 
 as a glorious light, who leadeth the blind by a way 
 that they know not, and in paths which they 
 have not known ; who maketh darkness light, 
 ^' and crooked things straight." 
 
 7. J. K. having delivered a short testimony, a 
 few words were added, recommending poverty of 
 spirit •, according to that which is written ; *' Bles- 
 sed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the king- 
 dom of heaven/' 
 
 E6 
 
lOS 
 
 18. I went to the forenoon meeting much 
 indisposed, both in body and mind : for a season , 
 death was in dominion j but before the close, a: 
 degree of recollection was witnessed in solemn 
 silence : a renewed testimony was also internally 
 impressed, to the weakness of man ; and to His 
 strength, who, only, ** girdeth with power •," '^ the 
 confidence of all the ends of the earth, and of 
 them who are afar off upon the sea :'' but nothing 
 was verbally expressed. 
 
 20. As I was going up to London in a chaise, 
 the following sentiment was immediately suggested, 
 nothing previously leading thereto ; viz. the error 
 of the Predestinarians and Necessitarians, and of 
 those called Pelagians and Free-willers; arises from 
 the endeavouring to comprehend him who is in- 
 comprehensible, whose understanding is unsearch- 
 able ; and to meastire his declarations and testi- 
 monies, which only make " wise the simple," with 
 the declarations and proceedings of falHMe and 
 finite beings ', to measure his ways, who " givetli 
 not aecount of any of his matters,'' to the wise and 
 prudent) but only to babes : according as it is 
 written, " thou thoughtest I was altogether such 
 an one as thyself; but I will reprove thee,'' and 
 set thine errors in order before thine eyes. 
 
 21. A mistaken zeal and supposed moderation 
 (falsely called charity), although opposite in their 
 appearances, frequently proceed from the same 
 cause J even in vessels measurably sanctified; viz. 
 the want of ** being buried with Christ by bap- 
 
109 
 
 tism into death :" tKat not only the earth in 
 them might be shaken, but the heavens also: 
 instead of which there hath been, frequently, fruit- 
 less and unsanctiiied efforts to engraft the re- 
 mains of the first Adam, into the plant which is 
 of an immortal nature : " this divides in Jacob, 
 and scatters in Israel." 
 
 23. In the course of the present week, I re- 
 ceived a recent proof of a few words being suf- 
 ficient for the ministry, and as apples of gold' set 
 in pictures of silver: for at a sitting at T. B's,' 
 our beloved friend G. D. expressing only the fol- 
 lowing sentence, viz. " in my Father's house are 
 many mansions;'' *' I go to prepare a place for 
 you ;" there appeared more of a ministry in them, 
 (to myself at least) than sometimes in a multitude 
 of words. 
 
 Eighth Month, 1784. 
 
 I. First day. Samuel Nottingham having had 
 lively and acceptable service in the forenoon 
 meeting at Horslydown, I was enabled in a sub- 
 sequent space of solemn silence, internally to plead 
 for mercy, with the fountain of mercy ; to whom 
 mercy, unlimited mercy, sovereign mercy, belongs. 
 Some men are of a merciful forgiving disposition, 
 and blessed are they : but as a mole-hill to a 
 mountain, as a drop to the ocean ; so are the 
 mercies of men, in comparison of his, " who 
 
110 
 
 dwelt in the bush, when the " bush burned, and 
 was not consumed/' 
 
 7. As I was walking over London bridge, my 
 mind was powerfully impressed with a considera- 
 tion, that the time of my natural life being so far 
 spent, every day, every hour, every moment, is a 
 mercy ; that if possible, I might redeem the time j 
 because the days are few and evil. 
 
 1 1 . This week has, for the most part, been 
 passed pretty comfortably •, the fruits of that righ- 
 teousness, " which is sown in peace," having for 
 the most part, been prevalent until this morning; 
 when petulance sorrowfully prevailed. The usual 
 plea for petulance is provocation j but what pro- 
 vocation can be pleaded, as a sufficient cause for 
 transgressing the royal law of love ? Where are 
 the fruits of that " charity which sufFereth long j" 
 which, instead of being easily provoked, '' beareth 
 all things." Where is '* the gentleness and meek- 
 ness of Christ Jesus •,'' " who, when he was re- 
 viled, reviled not again ; but committed himself 
 to him that judgeth righteously i" Consequently, I 
 went to the week-day meeting under condemn- 
 ation *, which was measurably alleviated under the 
 ministry of our worthy friend, Samuel Nottingham ; 
 whom, after dinner, I accompanied to Dunkirk's 
 farm ; where, in the days of our youth, we were 
 both frequently at the house of our deceased 
 friend, Thomas Grubb ; who was a tender nursing 
 father to those who loved the truth, but hath 
 long since been removed from works to rewards ; 
 
Ill 
 
 having in the meridian of human life, " fallen 
 asleep in Christ.'' 
 
 12. In the forenoon, myself and wife went 
 with our beloved friend, S. N. in a chaise, to 
 Ware; a meeting there being appointed at Samuel's 
 request, in which he particularly enlarged, in an 
 evangelical ministry y and after his having been 
 exercised in supplication, a solemnity in silence 
 covered the assembly ; uncommon in these low 
 and degenerate days. An eminent dissenting 
 minis*;er who was present, on his going out, ad- 
 dressed Samuel in a very affectionate manner ; 
 and others, not of our society, expressed their 
 satisfaction. 
 
 13. This forenoon, myself and wife accom- 
 panied our friend S. N. in a chaise to Hitchinj 
 he had lodged at our house four nights, and been 
 chiefly with us in the day time, much to our 
 satisfaction ; his ministerial exercise having been 
 not only lively and evangelical, but his conduct 
 and conversation, comfortable and edifying. 
 
 15. First day. Myself and wife set out about 
 seven in a chaise ; and baiting at Hitchin, pro- 
 ceeded to the general meeting at Clifton ; and 
 reached Hartford about nine in the evening. Not- 
 withstanding the length of the journey, and ex- 
 cessive heat of the weather, I came home without 
 languor or weariness ; an admirable and adorable 
 mercy. The meeting was large, many of other 
 professions being present ; some of whom appeared 
 sober and serious, but others restless enough: 
 
112 
 
 S. Crawley, H. Kite, and Samuel Nottingham^ 
 respectively appeared in testimony. The members 
 of our society are too generally " uncircumcised 
 in heart and ear \' yet to the posterity of a people 
 once highly favored, " is the dew of heaven'' fre- 
 quently diffused, both in a ministerial and imme- 
 diate manner in their assemblies : from whence I 
 am persuaded, did not their goodness pass away 
 *^ as a morning cloud, and as the early dew," the 
 Lord of infinite mercy would make many of 
 them as polished shafts in his quiver; and in 
 his quiver would he hide them. For many 
 weeks past, both in a spiritual and corporeal 
 sense, my days have been passed in weakness, 
 and wearisome nights have been my allotment j 
 but for a short time immediately preceding, my 
 sorrows have been rather alleviated. Although 
 great has been my spiritual poverty, and manifold 
 my defects ; yet in some good degree I have been 
 enabled to seek the Lord, and the word of his 
 holiness : *^ I have sought him, but I have found 
 him not." Nevertheless, if ** he standeth behind 
 the wall, if he looketh forth at the windows, 
 shewing himself through the latticCj " adoration 
 and thanks are due to him for ever. 
 
 1 8. In the week-day meeting, those present 
 were persuaded to an introversion of spirit ; that 
 being turned from a state of natural darkness, to 
 the inshining of divine light, they might not only 
 receive remission of sins, but *^ have this treasure, 
 in earthen vessels.'' During most of the sitting, a 
 
113 
 
 degree of exercise, which had been recommended 
 to others, was experienced in my own parti- 
 cular. 
 
 22. The forenoon meeting was large, but 
 wholly silent ; some inward exercises and open- 
 ings were attendant : in the afternoon, I was 
 strongly assailed with a spirit of heaviness ; but 
 ere I was aware, a desire was raised, that we 
 might be ^* quickened together with Christ;" and 
 a short testimony borne to that power, which is 
 able to quicken the dead. 
 
 28. My bodily health and strength have, for 
 some weeks, been rather increasing j but a fresh 
 attack of a local complaint, has been this week 
 renewed; so as to threaten a danger of dissolution. 
 But what shall I say ? I said in my youth, iVIy days 
 are as an hair's breadth 5 but, behold, the Lord: 
 hath made them a span long; my times are still 
 in his hand, who can scatter every cloud, and 
 make mercy to rejoice against judgment ; and his 
 own works to praise him. Recollection, and. 
 spiritual reading, have, this week, been not wholly- 
 omitted. 
 
 29. Both meetings were held in silence : in 
 the forenoon, some solemnity attended ; and va- 
 rious allusions to passages in the Old Testament 
 were immediately suggested, respecting the neces- 
 sity of our ascent in spirit, from that which i$ 
 visible to that which is invisible ; from earth to 
 heaven, in and by Christ, the heavenly Elijah, the 
 prophet, and high-priest ; who hath consecrated 
 
114 
 
 for us a new and living way through the veil, that, 
 is to say, his flesh. 
 
 31. In the evening, as I walked in the fields, 
 I remembered the Lordj, and his loving kind- 
 nesses, which have been of old, and his compas- 
 sion?, which have been renewed every morning : 
 that balm of Gilead, and never-failing medicine 
 for the diseased in body or spirit, only administered 
 by the Mediator, who, himself, in the days of his 
 ■flesh, took our infirmities, and bare our sicknesses; 
 and remains unchangeably the physician, and high- 
 priest of his people ; *^ Christ Jesus, the same 
 yesterday, to-day, and for ever j" " God over allj 
 blessed for ever, Amen.'* 
 
 Ninth Month, 1784. 
 
 r. This day commenced the ninth month in 
 the year 1784. Thanks are due for the preser- 
 vations and upliftings of the last 5 if life, and a 
 degree of health, are vouchsafed to the conclusion 
 of the present, may an offering be prepared to 
 him, who delivers from evil ; and a tribute of 
 thanks to the " Preserver of men." 
 
 4. The most part of this week, bodily pains 
 have been relaxed; and desires after " the in- 
 crease, which is of God," have been freshly 
 renewed: this day, I spoke unadvisedly, and closed 
 the week under condemnation. 
 
 5, Notwithstanding, in the night and mornings 
 
115 
 
 t suffered compunction, for the errors of the pre* 
 ceding clay, before I went to meeting, a religious 
 calm covered my spirit ; which was measurably 
 maintained during the course of three succeeding 
 meetings, under a sense of immense and unme- 
 rited obligations to divine grace and providence. 
 More often than the morning, I desire an 
 advancement in the paths of peace and piety 5 but 
 iniquities prevail against me, and because of them^ 
 I am wounded as with the wound of an enemy ; 
 with the chastisements of a cruel one. My wounds 
 are grievous, but, are they incurable ; is there not 
 yet balm in Gilead ? is not the God of peace able 
 to bruise satan under my feet ? that before I die, 
 ^^ mercy and truth may meet, and righteousness 
 and peace kiss each other," to the glory of him, 
 who is God over all, blessed for ever. 
 
 6. In going to the monthly meeting at Bunting- 
 ford, some exercise attended for reconciliation 
 and forgiveness, because of sin ; which was con- 
 tinued with enlargement, during a considerable 
 space of time spent in solemn silence. The busi- 
 ness of the meeting was afterwards transacted in 
 peace and love ; and, I hope, measurably in the 
 wisdom of truth. Why am I thus ? Jacob and 
 Esau are yet Y^ithin. May the elder serve the 
 younger ! may *' Jacob becom.e a flame, and the 
 house of Esau as stubble ! " 
 
 19. In the forenoon meeting, I was led to 
 contemplate on the super-excellence of the teach- 
 ings of Christ, ^' the minister of the sanctuary ;'' 
 
113 
 
 wHo, by the self same spirit, tlividetli himself, 
 severally, to every man as he will. 
 
 23. Having sent for some small tracts, on re- 
 ligious subjects, particularized in Lackington's cata- 
 logue, I was rather impatient for their delivery, as 
 hoping to derive some spiritual comfort and edifi- 
 cation in the perusarof them •, I " looked for much, 
 but lo ! it came to little :' so vain and precarious 
 are all expectations and dependencies, that are not 
 upon the all-plenary source of instruction and 
 help, the fountain which never faileth •, from 
 whence every good and perfect gift proceeds. 
 
 25. This week, I perused the fixth and feventh 
 numbers of the Theological Miscellany. I found 
 in some of the more early numbers, some instruc- 
 tive essays, comporting with that doctrine, which 
 is according to godliness ; but there appearing iii 
 the fixth number, an essay, tending to deprive be- 
 lievers of an inestimable privilege, purchased by 
 the Redeemer's blood •, I esteem it my duty " to 
 contend for the faith which was once delivered to 
 the saints." The purport of the essay is, to 
 represent the spirit which giveth life, insepe- 
 rable from the letter which kills ; to render the 
 means equal with the cause •, to depreciate the 
 heavenly oracle, which is within j and to limit 
 him, whose understanding is unsearchable, and 
 who " giveth not account of any of his matters," 
 Whence learned this author, save from popish 
 gchoolmen, that the canon of scripture is* closed ; 
 and that no revelations are now nccessarv to ren*. 
 
117 
 
 der the things, which are ah'eady revealed, effec- 
 tual to the conversion of sinners, the consolation of 
 saints, and the salvation of souls ? By the doctrine 
 which is according to godliness, the Scriptures 
 appear to be a declaration of the things which 
 were, and are, ^' most surely, believed; profitable 
 for doctrine, reproof, correction, and instruction in 
 righteousness :" that the man of God may be per- 
 fected through that faith which is in Christ Jesus-; 
 which faith, '' is the gift of God," who hath shined 
 in the hearts of believers, ^' to give them the light of 
 the knowledge of the glory of God, in the face of 
 Christ Jesus." Which divine light and knowledge,, 
 and not the bare letter, as an outward testimony 
 of the truth, is the treasure which believers have 
 in their ^' earthen vessels, that the excellency of the 
 power may be of God,'' and not of any means in 
 itself, however glorious. Again, says the author, 
 ^ common sense, a bible, and a right spirit, will 
 always inform a Christian what is his present 
 -duty.' The spirit of Christ only is a right spirit, 
 to v/hom righteousness alone belongs ; which, he 
 promised his immediate followers, should guide 
 them into all truth, and shew them things to 
 come *, which promise of the Holy Ghost, his 
 office, and constant abiding with the saints, was not 
 to them only; but according to the express testi- 
 mony of an apostle " to their children, and to 
 all them that were afar off; even as many as the 
 Lord our God shall call." Notwithstanding the 
 errors of the author, in confining the spirit to the 
 
 I 
 
118 
 
 letter ; and the word, which '^ was in the begin- 
 ning with God," to the words which he hath 
 spoken ; pertinent are the cautions, contained in 
 the essay, against an anxious soHcitude ia the 
 saints, respecting future events ; or too . hasty and 
 positive determinations on inward feelings and im- 
 pulses, either respecting themselves or others. It is 
 *' the spirit which beareth witness,'' and its witness 
 is invariably true : but many have been the mis- 
 takes of believers, respecting what hath been the 
 testimonies and impulses of the spirit, and those 
 of their own inflated imaginations : the spirit is 
 infallible, but man is fallible. The Lord can 
 speak internally, with a voice full of power ; but, 
 if he speaketh otherwise, '^ who shall say unto 
 him, what doest thou ?" In wisdom all his words 
 are spoken j that the faith and patience of the saints 
 may be approved, and that in the silence of all 
 flesh, the trumpet may give a certain sound. 
 The misapprehensions of men, respecting the spi- 
 rit's teaching, operate no more against their vali- 
 dity and sufficiency, than their manifold errors in 
 respect to the doctrines contained in Scripture, 
 against the divinity and authenticity of those 
 sacred truths. The Holy Scriptures, and the 
 testimonies contained in them, as opened by the 
 Lord, the spirit, are inestimably precious ; and, 
 according to the eternal counsel of God, necessary 
 for the building up of the saints, in the most holy 
 faith : but let us not equalize the means with the 
 cause, nor derogate from the power and glory of 
 
119 
 
 the Father, the word, and the Holy Ghost ; one 
 God blessed for ever. 
 
 26. Early in the forenoon meeting, without 
 any apparent cause, darkness came over me ; but 
 the sitting soon became more luminous and com- 
 fortable ; M. P. ministring with much acceptance. 
 
 28. Walking to Queen's Bench, these words 
 were impressed with power, — although I am 
 nothing,^* Christ is all:" I was measurably relieved 
 and tendered in spirit. 
 
 30. Being under some religious exercise, on 
 opening the Bible, the words of the Psalmist were 
 immediately presented to my view, ** remember not 
 the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions : ac- 
 cording to thy mercy, remember thou me, for thy 
 goodness sake, O Lord ! '* They were particularly 
 suitable to my state ; for manifold were the 
 errors, even of my religious youth, seeking the 
 praise of some good men, but despising others, 
 and smiting them with the tongue. Mav I obtain 
 mercy and forgiveness ! for I did it ignorantly, in 
 a zeal for God, but not according to true know- 
 ledge. But let all the young and tender ones, the 
 called and visited of God, beware of the mystery 
 of iniquity. 
 
 I 
 
 Tenth Month, 1784, 
 
 4. At the monthly meeting, altogether unex- 
 pectedly, came in our worthy friend G. D. late of 
 
120 
 
 Burlington, in North America: In the evening,! 
 and my wife accompanied him, with many other 
 friends, to a meeting, appointed at Warej in 
 which he ministered with much acceptance. 
 
 5. The aforesaid friend attended a meeting 
 appointed at Hartford, and, in the evening, an- 
 other at Hoddesdon ; in both of which he was 
 much favored in his ministerial labours. This 
 day, after dinner, I v/as seized with a violent 
 spasm, which was renewed with such violence 
 in going to Hoddesdon, as seemed to indicate the 
 feelings of approaching death. I was almost mi- 
 raculously favored to sit the meeting easily j but 
 afterwards, my pains returned. 
 
 6. After attending our week-day meeting,- 
 vdear^G. D. left Hartford. By his late extensive 
 labours amongst us, he has shewn the proofs of 
 an evangelical ministry, as a skilful workman, 
 rightly dividing the word of truth, not seeking to 
 gather the people to any thing of man, but to an 
 experimental knowledge of the gift of God ; '^ the 
 mystery hid from ages and generations j" Christ 
 in them the hope of glory." 
 
 II. , At the quarterly meeting at London, I sat 
 down In lowness of ilesh and spirit *, but, after 
 some time, I was enabled to remember him, who , 
 giveth " songs in the night/' and who can irra- 
 diate the dark valley of the shadow of death, 
 
 13. Walking in the Grange, I remembered the 
 days of my childhood and youth j since which, 
 ^f my sorrows have been turned upon me ;" but 
 
121 
 
 ^^ Jesus, the first and the last, the same yesterday, 
 to-day, and for ever, died for us -," '* that whether 
 we wake or sleep, we might live together with 
 him/' 
 
 1 8. A pretty easy, but low day : little being 
 felt of those everlasting healings, which are under 
 the wing of Emanuel. 
 
 19. I sat down In the week-day meeting, at 
 Horslydown, in great weakness and poverty of 
 spirit ; but, pretty soon, the forgiveness proposed 
 by our blessed Lord, when he said, *^ If you for- 
 give men their trespasses, then will your heavenly 
 Father also forgive you," was suddenly impressed, 
 and much illustrated in my mind, but not ex- 
 pressed. I would not willingly ^^ conceal the 
 words of the Holy One," but am discouraged 
 from speaking in the assemblies of the people ; 
 not so much because of them, but rather, because 
 I have not hitherto completely obtained victory 
 over the enemies of my own house. May I, in my 
 declining years, and in great debility of flesh and 
 spirit, be still enabled to ^^ press after the mark 
 for the prize of the high calling of God, in Christ 
 Jesus." 
 
 26. Unprofitable confabulations having pre- 
 vailed in the morning, I went to the week-day 
 meeting, at Horslydown, in terror; where, it 
 being suddenly suggested, without much expec- 
 tation or illustration, that Christ is the Medi- 
 ator of the covenant of grace, my mind became 
 measurably calmed. When every refuge fails, 
 
 F 
 
122 
 
 the Lord is able to relieve the disconsolate soul, 
 that is tossed with tempests, and driven to the ends 
 of the earth. The meeting w'as M^holly silent. 
 
 30. This month, bodily pains and severe 
 •pasms have been often attendant ; " the earthly 
 house of this tabernacle' has been^ shaken ; no 
 grovfth in grace and goodness has been perceptibly 
 experienced ; satan having been at my right hand 
 to resist me. 
 
 31. In the afternoon meeting at Hartford, 
 former openings, which had been presented with 
 freshness, were remembered j but they were as 
 the manna of yesterday. 
 
 Eleventh Month, 1784. 
 
 6. My bodily health seems measurably reco- 
 vered, indispositions having been wonderfully 
 suspended ; but I have been greatly deficient 
 in a tribute of praise to the Preserver of men ; 
 according to the import of that which is written, 
 *' he that ofFereth praise, glorifieth me ; and to 
 him, who ordereth his conversation aright, will I 
 shew of my salvation," 
 
 13. This week, '^ the fruits of righteousness 
 have been measurably sown in peace.'' 
 
 14. Although attended with various discou- 
 lavements, I found an inclination to attend the 
 forenoon meeting at Gracechurch-street ; and, 
 scon after sitting down, my mind was freed from 
 
I2S 
 
 irismay, and dipped into a fresli sense of that 
 introversion and spiritual worship in self-nothing- 
 ness and prostration, which v/e, as a people, pecu- 
 liarly profess : sundry passages in holy writ, rela- 
 tive thereto, were livingly opened •, and the exer- 
 cise was continued through the course of the 
 meeting, under divers testimonies, which w^re 
 delivered. A sabbath day ! a memorable day ! 
 some sense of divine faror presiding through the 
 whole. 
 
 1 6. At Horslydown week-day meeting, I was 
 measurably relieved, by a word internally im- 
 parted, and under the ministry of G. D. 
 
 28. A day of distress in the valley of vision, 
 from my own unfitness to be unclothed of mor- 
 tality. I was under great condemnation, because 
 of " deeds done in the body," particularly for the 
 errors of advanced years ; the too frequent preva- 
 lence of petulance, and the too great indulgence 
 of my appetite in eating and drinking : errors 
 overlooked and palliated by men, but marked by 
 Him, " whose eyes are as a flame of fire-,'* who 
 *^ searcheth the heart, and trieth the reins,'' and 
 hath declared. If any man will be my disciple, " let 
 him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow 
 me :'* which following of the Son of Man in the 
 regeneration, consists not only in suffering, for his 
 sake, the reproach of men ; but also in the mortifi- 
 cation of our propensities, in the things which 
 may be esteemed lawful by men, but are con- 
 demned by Him, who seeth not as man seeth. 
 
 F 2 
 
124 
 
 When I review my want of a due allegiance to 
 the Saviour of men herein, my heart meditates 
 terror, and my iniquities are a heavy burthen be- 
 fore him, who is a "just God and a Saviour;" 
 who will not acquit the guilty, nor suffer sin to go 
 unpunished. 
 
 Twelfth Month, 1784. 
 
 4. This week, having been pretty much con- 
 fined, by reason of a humour m my leg, I hope 
 that, through the aboundings of divine grace,- I 
 have been measurably enabled to seek for that 
 which I was concerned to recommend to others, 
 the last time I appeared in public, viz. the seek- 
 ing for heavenly " treasure in our earthen vessels.** 
 I have also had an opportunity of being much 
 exercised in reading the Holy Scriptures, and other 
 pious and experimental treatises. My present 
 confinement is indeed a chastening not joyous, but 
 yet to be received with thanksgiving, if in any 
 degree it may be productive of the " peaceable 
 fruits of righteousness.'' O ! may I, as at the 
 eleventh hour of the day, and during the present 
 dispensation, be enabled more faithfully and fer- 
 vently to feel after that salvation, which is only 
 through Jesus Christ, the fountain set open, for 
 remission and sanctlfication^ whose blood *^ clean- 
 seth from all sin.'' 
 
 8. The great concern was measurably kept in 
 
125 
 
 ^ight^ with some liftings up of head toward$ tlie, 
 light of Israel, who can yet open a door of hope 
 in the valley of the shadow of death. 
 
 13, 14, 15, and 16, V\' ere spent in pain and 
 lowness ; but not without some looklngs to the 
 great Physician of soul and body, '' who, himself, 
 took our infirrnities, and bare our sicknesses.'* 
 The nights have been so exceedingly distressing, 
 through acute pains of the rheumatism, that a reli- 
 gious exercise upon my bed has been impeded by 
 them J but however, *' to will has been present 
 with me y" and the Lord is gracious to accept ac- 
 cording to that which a man hath, even according 
 to the ability which He aflbrdeth, from whom 
 every good gift cometh, 
 
 19. First day. Our weri-beloved friends S. E, 
 and G. D. having an evening meeting at Horsly- 
 down, although absent in body through indispo- 
 sition, I was desirous of being present in spirit ; 
 in the invisible fellov/ship by which the children 
 of God, however scattered abroad, are gathered 
 together in one. The following portions of scrip- 
 ture were immediately opened, and impressed 
 upon my mind,' with a degree of strength and 
 clearness, viz.. ." I will bring the blind by a way 
 that they know not, and in paths which they have 
 not known: I will make darkness light before 
 them, and crooked things straight. These things 
 will I do unto them, and not forsake them." *' I 
 will go before thee, and break in pieces the gates 
 ®f brasSj, and cut in sunder the bars of iron; and- 
 
 I 
 
126 
 
 1 will give thee the treasures of darkness, and the 
 hidden riches of secret places/' When barely 
 read or repeated, how ineffectual are even the 
 words contained in the bible *, but when they are 
 opened by their divine Original, they are as honey 
 from the rock ; yea, sweeter than the honey-comb. 
 
 20. This day I was informed of the decease of 
 my dear and worthy friend Thomas Hartley, who 
 departed this life the loth instant. I had been 
 personally acquainted with him for more than 
 nine years : we were very dissimilar in our natu- 
 ral dispositions, and in our sentiments respecting 
 various p4<ints ; in others, we were firmly united j 
 our union being more in the spirit, than the 
 letter; the inward, than the outward. He was a 
 man of unaffected piety, great sincerity, and exqui- 
 site sensibility •, deeply suffering under a sense of 
 his own defects in particular, and of the depravii^ 
 of fallen nature in the general ; following a cruci- 
 fied Saviour in the regeneration, according to his 
 measure : there is abundant cause for a comfortable 
 hope, that he now rests from his labours, " where 
 the wicked cease from troubling, and the weary 
 are at rest." 
 
 23. The awful declaration which was for- 
 merly pronounced, ^^ I tell ye, I know ye not, 
 whence ye are •, depart from me all ye v^^orkers of 
 iniquity,'^ being impressed on my mind, caused 
 trembling of spirit. 
 
 25. The great mystery of godliness ought to 
 be ever before us. This day, being set apart for 
 
IQ7 
 
 tTie commemoration of the birth of Clirist, " whei:l 
 the word was made flesh/' when he took upon 
 him not the nature of angels, but the seed of 
 Abraham ; it may recal our attention to that stu- 
 pendous transaction of divine love. Nevertheless, 
 the superstitious observation of days and times 
 being introduced in the apostacy, it is our duty to 
 maintain a testimony against it, in the *' meek- 
 ness of wisdom :" an inward exercise was sup- 
 ported in v/eakness. 
 
 31. I received a lively and sensible letter from 
 M. P. It niForded some consolation to my discon- 
 solate mind, that some remain, who are travelling 
 together with me, under a sense of their imperfec- 
 tions, and shortness of having attained to '^ the 
 measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ," 
 
 First Month, 1785. 
 
 1. ** Great is the mystery of godliness •,*' the 
 riches of the glory of this mystery, is " Christ in 
 you, the hope of glory." The books of Matthew, 
 Mark, Luke and John, with the apostolic epistles, 
 are a faithful declaration of the gospel ; which is 
 the power of God unto salvation,*' of poor, naked, 
 starving, undone sinners in themselves 5 who, as 
 our ancient friend John Crook justly observes, 
 * seeing their own righteousness to be a filthy 
 thing, are the proper subjects of Christ's righteous- 
 ness, which is not attainable by any creaturelsjr 
 F 4 ' 
 
128 
 
 skill or self-imputation •, but only by the applies* 
 tory gift of divine grace, and through that living- 
 faith, which works by love to the purifying of the 
 heart." Upon this holy thi;ig, ought we to be 
 attending continually, in our meetings and out of 
 them, at all times and in all places ; that the pearl 
 pf everlasting price may be found within, as 
 *^ treasure in our earthen vessels *," that Ghrist 
 *^ may be formed in us, and we completed in him, 
 who is the head of all principality and power :'. 
 the purport of the above being opened upon my 
 bed, and fastened as a nail in a sure place, the 
 same is recorded. Towards evening my brook 
 became dry, and the savour of the above opening 
 was rem.oved. 
 
 6; This day was passed pretty comfortably,, 
 under some distant perceptions of the divine pre- 
 sence, in which only is life and comfort. 
 
 9. First day. How dreadful is a prayerless 
 state ! when the poor soul is left naked and, 
 wounded, a prey to the indignant propensities- of 
 fallen nature, and. separate from the salutary rays 
 of a Mediator. To some, by these memoirs, 
 though true, I may be judged a deceiver j others 
 may judge me to be a weak and unsteady man \ 
 very unfit to teach others. *' He that is ready to 
 $lip with his feet, is as a lamp despised in the 
 thought of him who is at ease :'' but let such who 
 possess fortitude and resignation, consider those 
 who are swallo\ved up of overmuch sorrow, and 
 Ijsarn what that meaneth, <^ I \yx\\ have mercy, an^l 
 
129 
 
 not sacrifice ;'* " I am nat come to call the rigfet- 
 eous, but sinners to repentance." , And O! may 
 the reality of righteousness and peace, and not a 
 bare semblance of them, be multiplied and abound 
 among u«, that the Lord of Hosts may become a 
 spirit of '^ strength to them, that turn the battle 
 to the gate/' 
 
 13. In the morning on my bed, the desire of 
 my soul was towards the ** Messenger of the 
 covenant," and th^t Jle might suddenly come to his 
 temple, who is as a purifier of silver, and as th^ 
 fuller's soap." 
 
 15. We were vir;ited by our dear and worthy 
 friends S. E. and G. D. who, in their religious 
 exercises, were enabled to reach to the oppressed 
 seed, which *' is pressed down as a cart with 
 sheaves/'' 
 
 18. After having been, for many weeks, conr 
 fined by the rheumatism, I was enabled to attend the 
 week-day meeting at Horsiydown; but when there, 
 instead of the tribute of praise for the manifold 
 preservations which had been vouchsafed, heavi- 
 ness was the clothing of my spirit ; and the awful 
 inquiry was suggested, " despisest thou the riches 
 of that goodness, forbearance, and long-suffering, *' 
 which should lead thee to repentance ? Neverthe- 
 less, there was a something of a waiting on the 
 Lord in the way of his judgments, and of a 
 solemnity which was as a song in the night. 
 
 23. First day. Reading some memoirs of the 
 cruel sufferings inflicted by tlie magistrates and 
 I^"5 
 
130 
 
 ministers of Boston, upon the early bapt'sts in 
 that country, this remark was attendant ; how 
 dreadful have been the devastations and scandals 
 occasioned by a false and furious zeal, even by 
 those who, in many respects, have been reputed 
 pious, when they departed from that chanty by 
 which all the members of the body, however diver- 
 sified, are edified together, " and grow up in all 
 things, into him who is the head, even Christ!'' 
 
 29. A pretty comfortable day, passed under 
 gome internal sense of the divine presence, and a 
 conviction that the Lord is a God near at hand, 
 who hears the prayers of the poor. At the Park 
 evening meeting, there was a giant in the way ; 
 but a degree of victory was experienced in an 
 inward exercise. 
 
 30. The forenoon meeting was small, and - 
 wholly silent , from the early part to the close, my 
 mind was exercised respecting the necessity and 
 nature of inward silent prayer, and with various 
 openings relative thereto ; but I esteemed it much 
 more preferable to experience something of it in 
 my own particular, than to speak of it to others. 
 
 Second Month, 1785. 
 
 4. This week I have been low, as to the divine 
 life ; nevertheless, some inward exercise and re- 
 formation from unnecessary speaking, has been 
 experienced •, every deliverance from evil, even in 
 
131 
 
 what may be esteemed minute and inconsiderable 
 instances, is a mercy not of works, but of grace-, 
 which teacheth to deny ungodhness. 
 
 11. I came to Hartford, after having been 
 absent therefrom more than two months. Before 
 I arose, I had some sensations of a hving faith in 
 Christ, as he was the one offering, which hath for- 
 ever perfected them who are sanctified ; and as 
 he is revealed within, the sanctifier of his people, 
 *^ and their hope of glory." 
 
 12. This week I have remembered the Lord 
 upon my bed, and measurably meditated on him, 
 in the morning watches. 
 
 17. Walking towards Dunkirks in the snow, I 
 was favored with some sense of God that made 
 me, and desires after more communion with him, 
 through the Mediator, who '*' is the way, the 
 truth, and the life." My spirit was measurably 
 tendered and humbled in the presence of Him, 
 ^' who dwelt in the bush ;" it is certainly our hf- 
 cumbent duty to be diHgent in the attendance of 
 meeting'^, and not through lukewarmness and 
 indifference to neglect the assembling of ourselves 
 together, for the purposes of divine worship in a 
 collective capacity : yet herein is z danger of a 
 zeal which is not according to true knowledge, 
 and of laying too great a stress upon the attendance 
 and feeding as it were, upon the bare outward act. 
 Particularly erroneous and blameable are those of 
 the Romish and episcopal communilies> in calling 
 their places for worship, * the houses of God j' 
 ¥6 
 
13f 
 
 and endeavouring to inculcate a veneration for 
 those edifices. Wherever the divine presence is 
 manifested, whether it is in the open fields, the 
 secret chamber, or elsewhere,, the language of the 
 patriarch Jacob may with propriety be adopted ; 
 *^ This is none other but the house of God, and 
 this is the gate of heaven." *^ What shall I ren- 
 der to the Lord for all his benefits ?" 
 
 19. '* What Gwest thou to thy Lord?'* 
 was a query formerly proposed. We are all as 
 bankrupts J we owe much, and have nothing to pay 
 with J and are destined to everlasting perdition 
 for our debts, unless, with the man who owed the 
 ten thousand talents, we are not only forgiven, 
 but graciously supplied by Him, in whose hand is 
 the wine and the oil, the light and the atonement, 
 and the unsearchable riches of an everlasting inhe- 
 ritance. Notwithstanding the severity of the 
 weather, I have hitherto been, since my late con- 
 finement, free from rheumatic returns, and some 
 customary complaints*, I have likewise been at 
 times favored with some sensations of the divine 
 preservation from evil. 
 
 20. In the forenoon meeting, some words Were 
 spoken respect ng that state of nothingness and 
 dependence, in which we ought to attend our reli- 
 gious meetings *, in order to wait for ** the pro- 
 mise of the Holy Ghost,'' and the pouring forth of 
 the spirit from on high. 
 
 21. A pretty comfortable day, some ascent in 
 spirit, being experienced towards the mountain of 
 
135 
 
 
 
 Hie Lord's holiness. V/ithout a vital, internal 
 Holiness, no man shall see the Lord. 
 
 27. I sat down in the forenoon meeting in a 
 state of utter insensibility respecting spiritual 
 things ; but pretty soon, some sense of that eiFec- 
 tual prayer which availeth much, covered my mindj 
 which, with some matter relative to the exercise 
 thereof, seemed almost ripe for utterance ; but 
 the weight of the pointing to speak seeming rather 
 to abate, I remained in silence ; but I hope the 
 opening was, in some degree, profitable to myself> 
 and also to others. 
 
 Third Month, 1785. 
 
 I. As to the outward, was passed pretty fairly ; 
 we had what I have sometimes called the " gospel 
 feast ;" and some of the poor were partakers of 
 the benefit. Before dinner, I set out for a walk 
 with my wife and S. R. but was soon disposed to 
 leave them for the sake of retirement ; sitting 
 under a tree, the gracious promise recorded in the 
 40th chapter of Isaiah, was freshly brought to my 
 remembrance; videlicet, " they that wait upon 
 the Lord, shall renew their strength." I greatly 
 marvel that any who have experienced the benefit, 
 the un< peakable benefit resulting from retirement, 
 should be so fond of company : the true friend is 
 in the heart, the spouse who is always jealous : 
 the strength of Israel ^^ is not a man that he should 
 
134 
 
 lie, nor the Son of Man that he should repent -^ 
 ^' He is the everlasting strength of the poor, and 
 refuge for the needy in his distress." 
 
 2. In the week'-day meeting a short testimony 
 was borne to Him, who is the " Tower of the 
 Hock, and the strong hold of the daughter of Zion." 
 
 5. The assizes for the county were held this 
 week, and seven of my fellow men were destined 
 to death, by the decision of an earthly tribunal ; 
 erroneous and mistaken the Calvinists appear, 
 in supposing all Adam's posterity are subjected 
 to the penalty of death, spiritual, temporal 
 and eternal, through the default of their original 
 progenitor ; from him, indeed, they derive a fallen 
 nature, " prone to evil as the sparks fly upward;" 
 ^^ as by one man sin entered, and death by sin 5 
 and so death passed on all men, for that all have 
 sinned ;" not in Adam as their head and represen- 
 tative, but in their own persons. 
 
 9. I was deeply depressed under a considera- 
 tion of man as mortal, and my own distance and 
 dissimilitude from Him, ** who dwelleth in the 
 light," and who only hath immortality, 
 
 16. I went to the week-day meeting in dis- 
 tress ; but the wonderful transition of the beggar 
 Lazarus, from the gate of Dives, to Abraham^s 
 bosom, being powerfully impressed, I was for a 
 season measurably consoled ; but nothing was ver- 
 bally expressed by me. 
 
 20. The meetings this day were large, that in 
 the afternoon particularly so, on account of th« 
 
135 
 
 burial of S, B. -, in both of them, my mind wa5 
 awfully impressed with the drea<lful sentence 
 which was pronounced concerning the unprofit- 
 able servant, and that of the fig-tree on which no 
 fruit was found. In the meeting of ministers and 
 elders, there seemed something similar to a so- 
 lemnity in the night season. 
 
 21. This day I entered into the 67th year of 
 my age ; " my days pass more swift than a wea- 
 ver's shuttle *," " with the Lord one day is as a 
 thousand years :" " he can save by many or by 
 few." In the monthly meeting, before the women 
 friends withdrew, our beloved friends, W. M. 
 and G. D. were graciously anointed to preach the 
 gospel to the poor ; the sound seemed in some 
 degree to extend to me, in the land of my cap- 
 tivity, 
 
 22. This day sorrows seemed for a season to 
 be rather suspended ; may I, through great grace, 
 be enabled, as at the eleventh hour of the day, to 
 exchange the burthens which have been so heavy 
 upon me, for the yoke which is easy, and the bur- 
 then which is light. My intellectual eye seemed 
 to glance towards that woman, who having '^ had 
 much forgiven, loved much." O ! may I, for the 
 few days or hours remaining, demonstrate my 
 love to Christ, " by keeping his commandments.'' 
 At an appointed meeting held at Ware this even- 
 ing, after our friend, W. Matthews, had closed 
 his testimony, so awful a solemnity covered a 
 numerous and mixed assemblv in silence, that the 
 
1S0 
 
 language of some formerly might, with much 
 propriety, have been adopted, viz. " it is good for 
 us to be here." 
 
 23. The week-day meeting at Hartford wa^ a 
 large and favored season, VV. M. being led to. 
 open the spiritual import of Christ's washing his 
 disciples feet ; and to recal the attention of the 
 back-sliders, to '* the fountain which is opened for 
 sin and uncleanness." 
 
 24. This morning our friend W. M. set for- 
 ward on a visit to the western part of this county,, 
 and some of the counties adjacent ; he had lodged 
 with us five nights, and been mostly at our house 
 in the day time ; many friends had been with • 
 him : his conversation was such as becomes the 
 gospel. On the first day he was much shut up^ 
 as to his public ministry ; but in the subsequent 
 meetings, opened and enlarged, to the reaching of 
 many. 
 
 25. Walking in the Borough, my spirit was 
 measurably contrited, in a remembrance of former 
 days, and the Lord's mercies, which have been 
 *' as the former and the latter rain." 
 
 26. During my confinement in the winter, 
 and for some time after I was liberated therefrom, 
 a fresli visitation seemed to be extended for my 
 help, and the " strengthening the things which 
 were ready to die \' but not rendering to the 
 Lord according to the benefits which he had be- 
 stowed upon me, and obedience not keeping pace 
 with knowledge^ for some time past, horror and 
 
H7 
 
 deep distress have been usually the companions of 
 my spirit- During the present week, the mercies 
 of heaven have been renewed more often than the 
 morning, and some sense of 'the divine presence 
 has attended. This day, " the shooting up of the 
 latter growth" hath been consumed, as by an east 
 wind from the wilderness. " Forgive, O Lord, I 
 beseech thee •," ** By whom shall Jacob arise, for 
 he is small ?" 
 
 Fourth Month, 1785. 
 
 I, The former part of the last month, sack- 
 cloth was my covering ; afterwards a glimpse of 
 hope attended, in seeking after that obedience 
 which is by faith. We are not to place our con- 
 fideiice in any tiling short of the- great Author cf 
 every good work j but every degree of reformation 
 from evil, and increase in the labour of love, is 
 acceptable in His sight, who has promised to re-* 
 ward those who give a cup of cold water in the 
 name and spirit of true discipleship : for a mite 
 cast into the treasury shall be approved, when tho 
 pompous offerings of the proud shall perish. 
 
 4. In the monthly meeting, a short testimony 
 was delivered concerning the gospel mantle 5 the- 
 subsequent business was transacted in peace. 
 
 18. Near the close of the forenoon m.eeting, 
 some sentences were uttered concerning the si^F- 
 ferings of Christ, and of oi^r suffering togethiej;. 
 Vt'ith him. 
 
IS8 
 
 ^2' The former part of this week, insensibility 
 respecting spiritual things was sorrowfully preva- 
 lent. I have been incapable of being exercised in 
 the volume of the book, either within or without, 
 the vision of the whole having been so sealed, as 
 with seven seals, that no man in heaven, nor in 
 earth, neither under the earth, could open it, 
 but " the Lion of the tribe of Juda," who can 
 quicken the dead, and call those things which are 
 not, as though they were. O ! that I might come 
 into his presence and plead with him, as a man 
 pleadeth with his friend ; for although I see him 
 not, yet judgment is with him ; therefore, O my 
 soul! trust thou in him. 
 
 25. I was visited by John Hoole, the celebrated 
 translator of Tasso ; who read to me some me- 
 moirs, which are intended to be prefixed to a 
 posthumous work of my deceased brother, John 
 Scott, v^'ho in his life time had the praise of men ; 
 but in his latter end, I humbly hope^ his ** praise 
 was of God.*' 
 
 30. The failures of the pillars of the house-, 
 presage its dissolution 5 the sins of my youth, even 
 of my religious youth, as well as the iniquities of 
 more advanced years, have been recalled to my 
 remembrance*, and passed before me as a roll, 
 marked with ** mourning, lamentation and woe,**' 
 I am confident, whatever my friends may suppose 
 • to the contrary, that for some years past, I have 
 too freely indulged my palate, both in the eating 
 of meat, and the drinking of wine i and though I 
 
139 
 
 have strictly adhered in both respects to what is 
 esteemed moderation by men ; yet I have not suf- 
 ficiently bridled the body, nor adhered to the 
 cross of our Lord Jesus Christ ; *^ which is the 
 power of God,'*' " and crucifies the fleshy, with 
 the affections and lusts/' 
 
 Fifth Month, 1785. 
 
 13. Divers acceptable testimonies were de- 
 livered at Gracechurch Street. My mind was 
 measurably turned to Him *' who hath the tongue 
 of the learned, and can speak a word in season to 
 him that is weary," for with him only ** are the 
 words of eternal life." I was glad of the crumbs 
 which fell from the Master's table. 
 
 14, This week has been spent pretty satis- 
 factorily, but not without some exceptions ; de- 
 sires having at intervals attended for the removal 
 of hardness of heart, that a heart of flesh might 
 be graciously imparted, meliorated and contrited, 
 under a sense of the Lord's manifold mercies, 
 which are new every morning : of them mankind 
 are too unmindful, of them I myself have been 
 too unmindful. 
 
 ^ Man, infatuate man,' 
 
 ' Lays for himself on earth his little plan, 
 * Dreads not, or, distant, views mortality.* 
 
 My plan, my pleasurable expectations, have indeed 
 been little and singularly circumscribed: neither 
 
140 
 
 riches nor honours, have been my ami, nor th^. 
 hope of their attainment, my consolation. Fromr 
 the fragrance of my garden^, the attendance and 
 fidelity of my spaniel, my. rural, retired and even- 
 ing excursions, and the gratification of my palate 
 (although speaking after the manner of men in 
 strict moderation), some expectations of satis* 
 faction have been frequently derived ; yet from 
 heartfelt experience, frequently renewed, I have 
 found that on every object under heaven, this in- 
 scription is affixed " vanity of vanities." 
 
 15 •^ The meetings at Park and Horslydown^ 
 were favored with a divine solemnity, and an ac- 
 ceptable ministry. 
 
 21. This week, meetings have been duly at- 
 tended ; as to the interior, I have been, for the 
 ITiOSt part, stationed in low pfaces. 
 
 25. The meetings this week at Hartford, were, 
 I hope, profitable to many; my mind was mea- 
 surably aiFected under a remembrance of the- 
 Lord's former loving-kindness, and his multiplied 
 mercies to the present hour. Many testimonies 
 may be delivered by the Lord's servants, mea- 
 surably in the wisdom of truth j they may " know 
 in part, and prophecy in part ," their preaching, 
 to some, may be *' as a nail fastened in a sure 
 place," but to others, as parables : '* but the spirit 
 which quickeneth," ever speaketh plainly and 
 with divine precision. 
 
 28. This day, some glances of divine goodness^. 
 ae^emefl tp pa^^ before me, and the aamp of thet 
 
!4l 
 
 Lord to be internally proclaimed ; the Lord, the- 
 Lord God, gracious and merciful, forgiving ini- 
 quity, transgression and sin. 
 
 29. I went to meeting in great lowness and 
 poverty of spirit ; various openhigs vi^ere attendant, 
 with a pointing to the people, but I was fearful of 
 speaking, being conscious of a defect in that 
 purity, which ought to be the constant clothing 
 of those who minister in holy things. Before the 
 close, the last yearly meeting^s epistle was read, 
 and a short testimony borne to the divinity of the 
 light. In the evening, I read some portions of a 
 treatise entitled. The Necessity, Excellence and 
 Beauty of Holiness, by Thomas Brooks j a worthy 
 and entertaining performance. 
 
 Sixth Month, 1785. 
 
 4. rive years have elapsed since the com- 
 anencement of my diary. 1 have seen the '' won- 
 ders of the Lord in the deeps," " the waters have 
 roared and been troubled," and I have been shaken 
 at the ^' swelling of them/' I am now five years 
 nearer the close of the days of my pilgrimage ; 
 am I in the least nearer a city that has everlasting 
 foundations, ** whose inhabitants shall not say I 
 am sick, whose iniquities are forgiven?" On the 
 inquiry, my heart meditates terror, thick darkness 
 is before me ; but the God of Jacob, the friend 
 and Father of the wrestling seed, is able to turn 
 
143 
 
 tlie shadow of death into the morning, and to 
 cause light toshine out of obscurity, 
 
 10. From my youth upv/ards, I have been 
 favored with the strivings of the spirit in order for 
 the subjugation of evil, and particularly of late 
 for the correcting of my temper j but too fre- 
 quently have I sinned with my lips. But are not 
 the Lord's mercies innumerable, and doth not for- 
 giveness belong to him, for those who have re- 
 belled against him ? May the great repairer of 
 breaches rebuild the desolations of Zion, rebuild 
 the desolations of former generations and the 
 waste places of Zion •, that when all vicissitudes 
 shall terminate, and time shall be no longer, I 
 may inherit a mansion in the heavenly Jerusalem, 
 whose " walls are salvation, and her gates 
 praise." 
 
 14. Walking in the meadows near Hitchin, I 
 read part of Solomon'sSong . the purport of this 
 petition was mentally formed, " put in thy hand 
 by the hole of the door, thou beloved of souls,'' 
 thou friend of sinners, ^^ thou chiefest of ten 
 thousand," who came to seek and to save the 
 chief of sinners, and bring back again that which 
 was lost. 
 
 15. A short testimony, in the week-day meet- 
 ing, arose in my heart to the judgments and mer- 
 cies of Jehovah, but nothing was expressed; being 
 fearful of imparting to others, what might be in- 
 tended for my own support in the hour of my 
 distress. 
 
us 
 
 i8. Disquietude prevailed; T was deficient in 
 <iue resignation to the divine will ; *^ the heavens 
 have been as brass, and the earth as iron •/' " I 
 was tossed with tempests and not comforted." 
 
 19. In the forenoon meeting, my mind was 
 both measurably exercised and doctrinally en- 
 larged ; but I remained in silence. 
 
 27. /I went to the forenoon meeting seemingly 
 destitute of all spiritual sensations; but a short 
 testimony was unexpectedly produced, concerning 
 the Lord's goodness to the poor ; and M. P. had 
 .afterwards an acceptable time in supplication. 
 
 Seventh Month, 1785. 
 
 6. In the week-day meeting, the dryness, empti- 
 ness and distress, of human nature, when separated 
 from the soul-enlivening influence of the Son of 
 God, was the meditation of my spirit. 
 
 10. Our worthy friends J. Townsend and N. 
 Wahie, were at the general meeting at Hunsdon, 
 which was large and satisfactory. In the evening, 
 the latter had a large time in testimony, amidst a 
 mixed and numerous auditory at Hartford, I be- 
 lieve to their general satisfaction ; many in warm 
 terms expressing their approbation of his ministe- 
 rial labours. I v/.as ^^ as a dry tree ;" only the 
 Lion of the tribe of Juda can open the book of 
 life ; " and when he shutteth, none can open." 
 
 13. Just before the close of the week-day 
 
144 
 
 liieetlng, a small ray of light seemed to penetrate 
 the thick: darkness and solitary chambers of deaths 
 
 28. Near the close of the Park evening meet- 
 ing, sundry testimonies were delivered, and a 
 degree of divine light and Hfe seemed to arise ; 
 my spirit vv^as, for the present, more lightened and 
 relieved than for mxany days preceding. 
 
 31. Our friend R. W. was at Gracechurch- 
 street in the forenoon; a large and solid meeting. 
 At Horslydown in the afternoon, there was not 
 " a shred left to take fire from the hearth, nor 
 water withal from out of the pit." I fought 
 against sleep, but was nearly overcome therewith. 
 
 Eighth Month, 1785. 
 
 ' !• Our friend R. W. having in testimony 
 yesterday, called the attention of those present, to 
 the evidence within, in reading the Mosaic history 
 of the creation, I had some feelings after an in- 
 ward evidence of the reality of the things which 
 are written : the Scriptures of truth and all. other 
 external means, hov/ever faithful and well-authen-^ 
 ticated, being of themselves unable to satisfy the 
 truly seeking soul, or to perfect the things apper- 
 taining to the conscience, witliout the faithful and 
 true witness, the first -begotten of the dead •, who 
 loveth his people and washeth them from their 
 sins in his own blood, and maketh them kings- 
 
145 
 
 and priests unto God and his Father, to whom be 
 glory and dominion for ever. Arnen. 
 
 7. S. Crawley, and A. Jessop, the latter from 
 North Carolina, were at Gracechurch-street in 
 the forenoon, and R. W. at Horslydown in the 
 afternoon, who came home with us ; the meetings 
 were, I hope, both of them measurably favoured ; 
 but deep poverty was the portion of my spirit, 
 being almost wholly divested of all spiritual sen- 
 timents or sensations, as hath been much the case 
 of late, both in meetings and out of them. 
 
 II. At the Park meeting, some deep exercise 
 attended in the midst of distress and anxiety. 
 When the earth was void and without form, and 
 darkness was upon the face of the deep, the Spirit 
 of the Lord moved upon the dark waters, and 
 there was light and order : the same spirit moved 
 Sampson in the camp of Dan : thereby was I in- 
 fluenced in the days of my minority, . to seek the 
 Lord in the assemblies of the people, and particu- 
 larly so at the evening meeting held near this 
 place, 
 
 19 and 20. Chiefly at home; not without 
 some internal exercise towards the Lord and giver 
 of life, who quickeneth the dead, and calleth 
 those things which are not, as though they were. 
 
 26. In the afternoon I went in a coach with 
 my wife to Cheapside ; on our return I partly dis- 
 charged a debt which had long lain heavy upon 
 me, by giving J. P. an order to print 1000 copies 
 of some memoirs concerning my deceased brother 
 G 
 
 \Yf 
 
 k 
 
H6 
 
 J. Scott, in his last illness : as I was very unex- 
 pectedly favoured to be an ear-witness, of the 
 living testimony which he delivered respecting 
 that salvation \vhich is by grace, at a juncture 
 when the long felt dictates of a heart enlight<}ned 
 by divine truth, can sometimes no longer be con- 
 cealed, notwithstanding the efforts of human pride. 
 Ever since his decease my mind has been impressed 
 with a fear, lest through my timidity and irresolu- 
 tion, so significant and remarkable an attestation 
 to the doctrine of a Mediator, should be suppres- 
 sed ; a doctrine' wliich, although set at nought by 
 many of the wise and prudent of this world, is 
 full of consolation, when livingly and feelingly 
 impressed upon the distressed desponding mind 
 by the Comforter 5 the spirit which *' maketh 
 intercession with groanings which cannot be 
 -uttered," by the medium of vocal language : a 
 doctrine which is also altogether compatible with 
 godliness and good works, the Mediator having 
 himself declared, *' that every branch which 
 abideth in him, the same bringeth forth much 
 fruit." In respect to suppressing these import- 
 ant and interesting memoirs, these testimonies 
 have been much before me, "Is a candle brought 
 to be put under a bushel or under a bed," *' and 
 not to be set on a candlestick ?" " Of him who 
 is ashamed of me, of him also will 1 be ashamed.'* 
 I also purchased a copy of the prayers and medi- 
 tations of that renowned man in the republic of hu- 
 man literature, the late Dr. Samuel Johnson; who, 
 
147 
 
 notwithstanding his being generally esteemed for 
 the strength of his genius, and the indefatigability 
 of his researches, but likewise for the rectitude 
 of his heart, and the propriety of his conduct ; 
 who, notwithstanding his strong attachment to an 
 exterior establishment, and an hireling and sin- 
 soothing ministry, and, as there is reason to be- 
 lieve, hi^' being unconversant in works of an in- 
 ward, spiritual, and soul-awakening tendency, was 
 by the internal emanations of divine light, favoured 
 to see, and bitterly bewail, his own defects and 
 shortness in that purity, which is required by the 
 gospel of Christ. May none, who enjoy superior 
 privileges and more advantage of spiritual im- 
 provement, ^' quench the spirit," and stifle the 
 inward convictions of that divine light, which can 
 only shew them the sinfulness of sin, and the 
 wickedness and deceit of their own hearts. 
 
 27. This week there hath been also s^ome in- 
 crease in a religious exercise. May I, for the 
 small remnant of time which remains, " so num- 
 ber my days, as that I may apply my heart" to 
 that wdsdom which is " peaceable, gentle, easy to 
 be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, with- 
 out partiality, and without hypocrisy;" that the 
 fruits of righteousness may be sown in peace. 
 
 28. I found some internal draft to attend the 
 forenoon meeting at Gracechurch-street, and was 
 favoured with some travail of spirit for the arising 
 of divine life in that large assembly, and the cir- 
 culation thereof from vessel to vessel; even the life 
 
 G2 
 
148 
 
 c>f the Son of God, who came '^ that we might 
 have life, and that we might have it more abun- 
 dantly : " a great part of the time was passed in 
 ■silence : I think some solemnity was attendant. 
 
 30. The week-day meeting at Horslydown 
 was small and silent : my animal spirits were 
 oppressed with heaviness, but there was a degree 
 •^ef light and intelligence *^ within the veil/' 
 
 KiKTH Month, 1785. 
 
 1. A pretty quiet day, but spent very negli- 
 'gently in respect to reading in the scriptures, or 
 other books, for edification and instruction in 
 righteousness ; although I found leisure time to 
 Tc-peruse the trials of the rioters in Southwark, 
 for amusement. 
 
 3. The desires which closed the last week, 
 through mercy have been measurably answered ; 
 but too great a remissness in religious reading and 
 retirement have been sorrowfully prevalent ; never- 
 theless, I have at times remembered the Lord upon 
 my bed, and meditated on his name in the watches 
 of the night. 
 
 4, I intended this day to have been at Hart- 
 ford, in order to have attended the monthly meet- 
 ing at Buntingford j but upon deliberating upon 
 the draft that attended, and endeavouring to form 
 a balance on both sides, I found my mind most 
 calm and easy in staying some time longer in 
 
149 
 
 Tooley-street. The forenoon-meeting at Gracf-" 
 church-street was larger Edmund Gurney was 
 present, and appeared in testimony. 
 
 5. At the meeting of ministers and elders 111 
 Gracechurch-street, our friend Edmund Gurney 
 delivered some necessary cautions to those con- 
 cerned in the ministry ; particularly in respect to 
 a too reafiy and frequent attendance of meetings 
 on account of marriages and burials, and the exer- 
 cise of their ministry in them. The said friend 
 dined with us at Tooley-street. 
 
 6. The week-day meeting was small, low, and 
 silent ; I received a watch-word respecting my 
 own particular, of which I grievously lost sight in 
 the subsequent part of the day : I laid down im 
 torrow, being self-condemned. 
 
 7. This day I came from Tooley-street to 
 Hartford, where so considerable a part of my 
 painful pilgrimage on earth has been passed. 
 
 10. This week, I have greatly fallen short of a 
 due application of heart to the meekness of wis- 
 dom, also in respect to religious reading and 
 retirement : from a secret impulse, I perused . 
 some of the works of Elizabeth Row, in which I 
 was conversant in former days : some part of the 
 exercises of the heart was, I hope, measurably 
 profitable : I also had the opportunity of perusing 
 a work of a different tendency, entitled, '^Th^ 
 "Way to Happiness," but without a reference to 
 the source of happiness, " The way, the truth, 
 j and the lifej" who declared to his immediite 
 
 IG3 
 
15tf 
 
 followers, *' withxout' me ye can do notliing/' 
 The author supposes Nature to be on the side of 
 goodness, because some children have been known 
 to have viewed with complacence the representa- 
 tions of goodness, and to have rejected v/ith ab- 
 horrence those of evil •, but this argument in 
 favour of natural rectitude, is certainly futile and 
 inconclusive : in such cases may it not rather be 
 supposed, that the blessed Jesus, who suffered 
 little children to be brought unto him, is pleased 
 in their infantile periods of life to draw nigh unto 
 them ; and by the secret and supernatural agency 
 of divine grace, to change the corrupt bias of 
 human nature. Witli readiness it is indeed al- 
 lowed, that the natural propensities of both infants 
 and adults, are abundantly diversified 5 some, 
 through the various stages of life^ continuing ta 
 abhor the more flagrant and atrocious breaches* 
 of virtue and morality, who are, theniselves,^ 
 strangers to that goodness which is of God only ; 
 ahd to the operations of that grace which brings 
 salvation. But man by nature, notwithstanding 
 all his accomplishttlents and refinements, is prone 
 to evil, even ^*'as the sparks fly upward j" which 
 propensity, nothing is able to subdue, but the om- 
 nipotential power of Him, who made man upright, 
 arid is able in his present fallen and lapsed state, 
 to restore him into the heavenly image, by and 
 through the grace of a Redeemer, who came ^* to 
 geek and to save that which was lost," and *^ not 
 to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." 
 
151 
 
 In the forenoon some religious exercise was expf> 
 rienced : I read with satisfaction some part of 
 Augustin's Meditations. 
 
 II, 12, and 13. I was chiefly confined to my 
 bed. 1 hope in some degree I was profitably ex- 
 ercised in reading divers deep and dying experi- 
 ences of others ; some tenderness of spirit and 
 inward ^/ixercise was at most times attendant. I 
 have often wondered to see those who have been 
 lovers of the world, and the things of the world, 
 consoling themselves with the supposed conscious- 
 ness of a well-spent life, because of their dis- 
 charge of some moral and relative duties. *^The 
 grace and truth which comes by Jesu6 Christ/' 
 . can only cause a sick bed to become a bed of 
 comfort •, this, and this only, can make the " wil- 
 derness like Eden, the desart like the garden of 
 tha Lord, " and ^* the valley of Achor a door of 
 hope :" this is health in sickness, joy in sadness^ 
 and riches in poverty: may it increase and be 
 multiplied among the poor in spirit, is my, desire. 
 Amen. 
 
 14. My wife being to go to Amwell In the after- 
 noon, I wrote a few lines on my bed to my sister 
 Scott, partly consonant with the import of the 
 memoirs on the other side. When I either speak 
 or write on religious subjects, I love to have my 
 own spirit dipped into some feeling sense of the 
 things which are spoken or written. 
 
 1.5., This morning, I found i)iy mind strangely 
 3k«red' from, wljiat it had been for soiiae days past j 
 
 G4 
 
15g 
 
 no capacity for reading or retirement. ^' T have 
 put off my cloathing, how shall I put it on?" 
 
 17. The forenoon was rather comfortable and 
 Jumhious ', I read part of the Journal of John 
 Nelson, a Wesley an A4ethodist ; his occupation 
 was that of a journeyman mason, he laboured 
 much in the work of the ministry, and underwent 
 great persecution. The knowledge of being justi- 
 fied, freed from all sin, and perfected in love, are 
 very desirable experiences *, and I verily believe, 
 through grace, attainable even on this side Jordan ; 
 yet their being so much insisted on by John 
 Wesley, and the ministers in connexion with him, 
 it is to be feared has produced many counterfeits; 
 and occasioned divers to be confident of their 
 having already attained, instead of following on 
 in a child- like simplicity, ^^ to know the Lord, 
 and his goings forth to be prepared as the morn- 
 ing." 
 
 18. My wife and E. M. were at the quarterly 
 meeting of Bedfordshire and Hartfordshire, held 
 this day for the first time at Hitchin. 
 
 24. This week, I have been almost wholly con- 
 fined to my bed. Some application and access 
 in inward travail of spirit, towards the fountain of 
 holy, heavenly help, has been experienced, espe- 
 cially in the night season ; an adorable mercy : by 
 unnecessary and unprofitable words being spokerl 
 in the day time, condemnation and sorrow hav6 
 been frequently attendatit ; and the fruit of that 
 righteousness which is sown in peace, has been 
 
153 
 
 too much obstructed. May this bed of confine- 
 ment, yet more fully become a bed of refinement ! 
 25 to 29. Pretty comfortable days. I met 
 with some lively truths in Archbishop Leighton's. 
 select works. We were visited by divers friends. 
 
 / 
 
 Tenth Mo>ith, 1785. 
 
 I. Little increase has been tKis week ex- 
 perienced in the divine life •, too much insensibility, 
 and hardness of heart has been attendant. 
 
 12. How marvellous are the works of Jehovah l 
 How wonderful are his dealings wath the sons of 
 men! his *' judgments are a great deep," and 
 " righteous altogether -y' on every inferior excel- 
 lence, has he unalterably affixed this inscription, 
 ^^ Vanity of vanities, and vexation of spirit." From 
 the days of my minority, have I held the fountain 
 of living waters in the highest estimation j and 
 with a considerable degree of assiduity, have I 
 sought after its sacred streams ; the bread which 
 perishes not ; the waters which never fail : yet, 
 wo ia me ! too much have I leaned to the broken 
 cisterns of creaturely consolations, which have 
 ever proved as bruised reeds, as piercing spears, 
 miserable comforters, and the chastisements of a 
 cruel one. Sincerely, inviolably, have I been at- 
 tached to my inseparable companion in health and 
 sickness; who for more than thirty years, has, 
 with the greatest fidelity and perseverance, re- 
 
15^ 
 
 Iieved my trants and ministered to my necessitfes 5^ 
 yetr with the most pure and choice blessings,- 
 satan, the author of strife, the enemy of peace 
 and righteousness, commixes his evil seed ; which 
 ** brings forth fruit unto death." Having from^ 
 early youth, enjoyed almost invariably, a good 
 appetite, the meat in the dish, and the wine in 
 the glass, has had for me fascinating charms ; and 
 though always esteemed by my fellow men, ia 
 every respect temperate, and even by some, rather 
 abstemious y and although in my latter years, I 
 have been peculiarly scrupulous and cautious iri 
 respect to the quantity of meat and wine j yet by 
 a too pleasurable indulgence of my palate, xnf 
 6wn heart condemns me : God is greater, and 
 who then among my fellow^ mortals shall justify 
 me ? The voice of the internal monitor, is greater 
 than the witness of men. " Let God therefore 
 be true, and every man a liar." This also has- 
 been a " vanity and vexation of spirit." For 
 many years, I enjoyed so much pleasure by riding; 
 on horseback, that I was almost ready to say with 
 the patriarch's wife on another occasion, what 
 good would my life do me, if by any means 1 
 should be deprived of sa pleasing and salutary an 
 Exercise ? This also for near ten years has failed ;; 
 and I have had only the inferior pleasure of walk- 
 ing on foot in the neighbouring fields, and in the 
 Streets of the metropolis. Now, by the prevalence 
 bf disease, the few hours which remain, are likely 
 to be passed either in my bed or solitary chamber ; 
 
155 
 
 the enjoyments fieretofore possessed, also iiiGtease 
 my vexation. From my youth upwards, have I 
 been singularly attached, but I hope mot iifregulariy 
 80, to a docile and domesticated spaniel *, four of 
 them have miscarried, not having attained the com- 
 mon age of those animals; the fifth is nowdestiEed 
 to deat^\ by reason of disease, and a danger of 
 the canine madness. I am also deprived of the 
 pleasure of my poultry court, and the fragra^nce of 
 my garden : a separation from those simple scenes 
 of delight, less reprovable than the allurements of 
 aYariee, or the insolence of pride, are also *^ vex- 
 ation of spirit." Thus beipeft of every broken 
 cistern, is there yet remaining for me any acces$ 
 to " the fountain of living waters ?^' Unsupplied 
 with the husks which the swi^e eat, is there any 
 possibility of a return to the Father's house, where 
 there is bread enough and to spare ? My paths are' 
 obstructed as with walls of brass, and my ways 
 circumscribed with an inclosure of thorn ; is ther^ 
 yet in ^' the valley of Achor a door of hope ? " 
 Will the dread of nations, the glory of men ^nd 
 angels, be pleased with the lame, the halt, and the 
 maimed, for a sacrifice; or accept the few ve^ 
 maining hours of a life, too much of which ba"§ 
 been passed in a servitude to the law in the mem- 
 bers ? Indeed, upon my bed and in the watches of 
 the night, some glimpses of the divine glory, and 
 of that mercy and forgiveness which is in Christ 
 Jesus, have seemed at times transiently to pass 
 before me ; and the name of the Lord to be pro* 
 G 6 
 
156 j^ 
 
 claimed, ^' tlie Lord God/' gracious and mer- 
 ciful ; forgiving transgression and sin/' and " pass- 
 ing by the transgression of the remnant of his 
 heritage :" yet, wo is me, " in my flesh there 
 dwelleth no good thing 5" but too much of that 
 nature, which " is of the earth, earthy," and 
 fallen ^' short of the glory of God." In this hour 
 of distress and deep deprivation, what language 
 shall I adopt ? what accents shall I utter ? surely 
 not those of absolute despondency, lest I should 
 ** add drunkenness to thirst /' but rather may I 
 unite in the plaintive determination of the prophet 
 formerly, viz. " I will bewail with the weeping 
 of Jazer, the vine of Sibmah : I will water thee 
 with my tears, O Heshbon and Elealeh !" because 
 the summer fruits and the harvest is fallen. May 
 Israel still be holiness to the Lord, and in his 
 latter end, may there be an increase ! Amen and 
 Amen, through Christ Jesus our Lord j the King 
 of saints in Zion. 
 
 16. Went in a chaise to the forenoon meet- 
 ing. The superior glory and excellence of the gos- 
 pel dispensation, and of the law of the spirit of 
 life in Christ Jesus, to that of the ministration of 
 death written and engraven in stones, being in 
 my silent waiting much illustrated in the view 
 of my mind, a few sentences were spoken relative 
 thereto : those present were also reminded of the 
 spirit of truth, which not only reproves for sin, 
 but also for righteousness and judgment. I know 
 XK>t whether they either understood or felt much 
 
♦ 157 
 
 of the things which were spoken ; but for the 
 present a degree of solemnity seemed to attend. 
 
 27. Opening the Bible in the 4th chapter 
 2d of Kings, where the miraculous multiplication 
 of the widow's oil is recorded, and the prophetical 
 direction thereupon, viz. " Go, sell the oil, pay 
 thy debt, and live thou and thy children of the 
 rest :" that passage appeared emblematical of the 
 oil of gladness, wherewith Jesus, our High Priest, 
 *^ was anointed above his brethren," who has made 
 a complete reconciliation for their sins, and removes 
 the yoke of their transgressions, because of *' the 
 ^' anointing which abideth in them/' " and is 
 truth and no lie." 
 
 30. It has often been immediately suggested, 
 that every moment of time here is a mercy, in 
 case it is employed in the all-important purpose of 
 *^ working out our own salvation with fear and 
 trembling," through the power and prevalence of 
 him, " who worketh in us, both to will and to do, 
 of his good pleasure : " but the possibility of a 
 neglecting and resisting on our part, the superna- 
 tural operations of divine grace, seems to be 
 implied in the apostolic injunction, Rom. vi. 13, 
 ^^ But yield yourselves unto God, as those that are 
 alive from the dead;" &c. and the following 
 meditation thereupon by an ancient author, viz. 
 *^ If God has my members as v/eapons and instru- 
 ments in his hands, I shall certainly be able not 
 only to work, but to conquer ; since he understands 
 full well how to manage them. May th^ Lord 
 
158 ^ 
 
 only give me grace not to wind myself out of his 
 hands, else I must needs be a dead useless carease, 
 for how can a pen wnte alone, without being in 
 the hand of a writer ? It is true indeed that it is 
 very hard, nay impossible, to be really good, and 
 do all that is good, if we undertake it alone ; but 
 God himself living and working in us> and we 
 truly delighting in him, it is very easy and plea- 
 sant ; therefore care is only to be taken that our 
 heart may always be the working place, and our 
 members the instruments of God j in which, and 
 through which, he can perform every thing him- 
 self/' In the afternoon, my wife being gone to 
 meeting, I read and explained some portions of 
 holy writ to W. P. D. and W. C. to which they 
 attended in a becoming manner. They also read*^ 
 
 Eleventh Month, 1785. 
 
 2. Being very suddenly and unexpectedly 
 seized with so violent a spasm, that there was 
 rather a prospect of a sudden change, I was greatly 
 alarmed, but mercifully favored in some degree to 
 look to him, from whom help cometh ; who is able 
 to save, and mighty to deliver, in v/hose hand are 
 the issues from death. The attack seemed to go ofF, 
 almost as suddenly as it came on ; being relieved 
 before noon : nevertheless, in the subsequent part 
 of the day, I was almost ready to repine at the 
 prospect of increasing indisposition and continued 
 
159 
 
 cfonfinement ; and was very deficient in a due 
 thankfulness and submission of spirit, to the Sove- 
 reign of the universe. My bodily sufferings are 
 many, but they might have been much more abun- 
 dant. Ih the evening, literally, I entered into my 
 closet and shut to the door ; some recollection vi^as 
 experienced; afterwards, I read some part of the 
 prophecy of Amos the prophet. 
 
 6. I went to the forenoon meeting in a chaise ; 
 glorious things are spoken of Zion the city of God j 
 some glories peculiar to the gospel of Christ were 
 illustrated in the view of my mind with a degree of 
 power and perspicuity : the meeting was large, but 
 wholly silent ; a degree of solemnity was, I hope, 
 attendant ; but towards the close, some appeared 
 too desirous of breaking it up. 
 
 9. In the week-day meeting, the disconsolate 
 $tate was much before me, and the exceeding 
 great and precious promises appertaining thereto^ 
 were renewed in my remembrance *, but I was 
 afraid to speak, well knowing there is a ministry 
 of the word in silence •, " the self-same spirit^ 
 dividing to every man severally, as he will." 
 
 12. My mind has been pretty calm this day, 
 and not unattended with some good desires. May 
 the Lord, the spirit who worketh in us to will, 
 perfect in us the deed according to the good plea- 
 Sure of his goodness. O Lord, forgive the errors 
 or the preceding week ! In the evening I spent 
 some time in retirement, and reading the Holy 
 Scriptures. 
 
 % 
 
16® 
 
 14. I once more walked to tlie forenoon meet* 
 ing ; some words were spoken concerning that 
 worship which is in the spirit, not in the letter j 
 not barely in the form, but in the substance j in 
 which there is prevalence, dominion, and dignity. 
 In the evening read in the family one of Archbishop 
 Leighton's excellent discourses. 
 
 1 6. As I walked to Queen's Bench, a tender 
 tear was dropped in remembrance of those mer- 
 ^ cies which have not failed. I finished letters 
 began the preceding day to T. Corbyn, J. Row, 
 and J. Kaye. At the week-day meeting, soon 
 after sitting down, a watch-word was internally 
 imparted, suited to my own state. The meeting 
 was wholly silent. 
 
 19. ^' What shall I render to the Lord for all 
 his benefits ?'* Some sense of a life which is inca- 
 pable of termination, even the life of the Son of 
 God, who *' abideth a priest continually," ^' after 
 the order of Melchisedec,'' ^* having neither be- 
 ginning of days, nor end of life," has attended : 
 ** the fruits of righteousness (were also measurably) 
 sown in peace." I have also had an opportunity 
 of reading Sacred Biography, by Dr. Hunter; a 
 work which may be deservedly ranked with the 
 first productions of the present age, in respect to 
 the excellence of the composition : in it, the lives 
 and characters of the patriarchs are delineated 
 with- accuracy, and their respective allusions to 
 the coming of the holy and just One, his humili-. 
 ation and glory, illustrated. These lectures, aU 
 
161 
 
 though not exhibiting an uncommon depth of 
 spiritual knowledge and experience, may, neverthe- 
 less, be perused even by the spiritually minded, 
 not only with pleasure but profit ; both with re- 
 spect to the world which now is, and that which 
 is to come. 
 
 20. In the forenoon meeting, a fresh sense of 
 the necessity of divine light and life being im- 
 parted from on high, was the companion of my 
 spirit : the meeting was silent, but I hope profit- 
 able to some. 
 
 23. At the week-day meeting, some words 
 were spoken concerning prophesying, spiritual 
 gifts, and the necessity of having the spirit. 
 
 26. O that I might keep my tongue as with a 
 bridle, and set a watch always before the door of 
 my lips ! 
 
 29. Although so lately I was desirous of set- 
 ting a watch before the door of my lips always^ 
 yet this day I have spoken unadvisedly with my 
 tongue, because of afflictions which have not 
 arisen out of the dust. 
 
 Twelfth Month, 1785. 
 
 3. In the evening I entered into my closet, 
 and although I seemed incapable of prayer, I was 
 so tendered before Him, who dwelt in the bush, 
 that I could in measure adopt a language formerly 
 uttered, " It is good for me to be here.'' 
 
1S2 
 
 8. Pained in body, and distressed hi soiil, fear- 
 ing lest after having *' preached'to others, I my- 
 self should become a cast-away j'' not keeping my 
 body in subjection. 
 
 13. Dined with my wife at Amwell; walking 
 in the evening in the shrubberies^ I suddenly was 
 impressed with a secret sense, that James Harve}'', 
 Thomas Hartley, and John Fletcher, although 
 greatly diversified in their religious sentiments 
 whilst they were members of the militant church, 
 are now united in that which is triumphant j 
 singing praises to the Lord God and the Lamb, 
 who is worthy for ever: the gHmpse of light soon 
 disappeared, and I sat in the solitary chamber of 
 my afflicted sister, under distress and poverty oi 
 spirit. 
 
 14. In the week-day meeting, some introver*- 
 &ion of spirit was attendant, with the language of 
 " Lord, I believe, help thou mine unbelief." A 
 pretty easy day, both with respect, to body and 
 jnind, 
 
 17* Went with my wife aaid.M.P. to Hitchin ; 
 and spent part of the evening with our worthy 
 friend William Mathevvs, at Mary Sharples's. 
 
 18. Attended the fore and afternoon meetings 
 at Hitchin; our friends William Mathews and 
 Ann Jessop from North America^ were there, as 
 also at the meeting of ministers and elders in the 
 evening : the said meetings were I hope respec- 
 tively attended with a degree of divine favor. 
 
 31. This last in the year 17B5,. was a. day of 
 
165 
 
 trouble and distress •, towards evening I \'7as under 
 much bowedness of spirit, by reason of a sense of 
 my dissolution,, and unfitness to meet Him who is 
 the judge both of the quick and of the dead; and 
 who hath said, ^* Behold, I come quickly, and my 
 reward is with me, to give every man according 
 as his work shall be." 
 
 First MoNTH^ i786» 
 
 1. In the forenoon meeting at Gracechurch- 
 street, humiliation, and self abasement Were experi- 
 enced y and an awful sense of the Almighty Jeho- 
 vah, who ** made the heaven and earth," the seas 
 and the fountains of water, continued most part 
 of tl>e day to be the covering of my spirit. 
 
 2. Some low and laborious exercise of spirit 
 was experienced at the meeting of ministers and 
 elders*, the whole was a quiet 4ay> a^nd closecl 
 pretty comfortably. 
 
 3. The week-day meeting was well attended 
 at Horslydown, and to me it was measurably ^ 
 favored season ; some openings, relative to the 
 benefit of that faith which is by the operation of 
 God> were attendant, but not expressed. 
 
 4. Very unexpectedly, some internal percep- 
 tions of the divine presencef and' power were 
 attendant, and as I walked by the Rotherhithe 
 road and Shad Thames, this was the language of 
 niy spirit, Great grace. Great mercy. " What shall 
 
161 
 
 I render to the Lord'' for his unspeakable gift*, 
 his unnumbered benefits ! May his long-suffering 
 produce in me that repentance, which is never to 
 be repented of ! Rather a solid and profitable sit- 
 ting was experienced at the monthly meeting of 
 Horslydown, before the women friends withdrew. 
 
 8. In the forenoon meeting at Horslydown, two 
 short testimonies were delivered^ concerning the 
 rock of ages, as it is written, ** upon this rock, 
 will I build my church, &c/' In the afternoon, 
 was engaged in combating heaviness ; but towards 
 the close was relieved therefrom, under the mi- 
 nistry of H. Gilbert. 
 
 9. The quarterly meeting at Devonshire* 
 house was large, and attended with a divine 
 solemnity in silence ; towards the close, William. 
 Matliews was engciged in a living ministry •, neither 
 much intelligence or indtruction attended myself 
 as a particular, but a testimony respecting my- 
 self and others present j " It is good for us to be 
 here." 
 
 10. At the week-day meeting at Horslydown, 
 some interior exercise was experienced, and solem- 
 nity in silence j poverty was my portion, but these 
 expressions being inwardly suggested, they seemed 
 to afford a secret supply *, there is a ^* hope 
 which entereth into that within the vail;" for 
 man liveth not by bread alone, but by every word: 
 which the Lord doth speak. 
 
 11. In the evening I had some perceptions of 
 tliat in-speaking voice, which gaith, ^* Thi* is the 
 
165 
 
 -way, walk ye in it/' May I henceforth be en- 
 abled to walk in that way ^' ia which the way- 
 faring men, though fools, shall not err." 
 
 13. In the evening I was favored with a dis- 
 tant view of Him, who saw Nathaniel under the 
 fig-tree. 
 
 14. Some part of this week has been passed 
 pretty peaceably, but not free from blame j unne- 
 cessary speaking, as I think, having at times too 
 much prevailed. Retiring in the evening, an in- 
 quiry was suggested, hov/ has the cross of Christ 
 been complied with in this respect ? a constant 
 abiding under the same, being requisite to a state 
 of true discipleship, and consonant both with the 
 tenor of the New Testament, and the language of 
 the light within. 
 
 17. At the week'day meeting at Horslydown, 
 those present were recommended, by a short testi- 
 mony, to the great Prophet ; the antitype and sub- 
 stance of all the former prophets, and their pro- 
 phecies. 
 
 22. In the forenoon meeting at Hartford, my 
 mind was touched with a sense of the love of 
 'Christ *, and a short testimony was delivered con- 
 cerning the extension of it to those who were afar 
 off, " The outcasts of Israel," and "the dispersed 
 of Judah." 
 
 24. After a day of distress, retiring in my 
 xhamber, I was favored with some internal breath- 
 ings after Him who is " the resurrection from the 
 
166 
 
 dead," the life everlasting, the Amen, who hath 
 ^^ the keys of death and hell.'' 
 
 25. At meetnig, distress and heaviness at- 
 tended, but a ray of light and life seemed to per- 
 vade the region and shadow of death •, counsel 
 was plentifully imparted, but nothing was ex- 
 pressed, save an invitation of the heavenly bride- 
 groom — Canticles — it seemed in some degree a 
 soHd and favored sitting ; at least I was lightened 
 in my own particular. 
 
 28. The former part of this week was passed 
 under some sense of divine light and love. Who- 
 ever calls upon the name of the Lord Jesus with 
 soul-saving efficacious prevalence, must depart 
 from iniquity ; for unless holiness to the Lord is 
 inscribed on all the vessels in his house, a pro- 
 fession of him will not avail in the day in which 
 the Lord shall make inquisition for blood, and 
 search Jerusalem with lighted candles. In the 
 evening I remembered Zion, and was rather 
 relieved. 
 
 2g, In the forenoon meeting, doctrine was plen- 
 tifully imparted 5 and those present were exhorted 
 to seek the Lord. Notwithstanding, the appear- 
 ance of some favor being renewed in the preceding 
 meeting, in the afternoon, there seemed scarce a 
 *^ shred left to take fire from the hearth, or water 
 withal from out of the pit :" heaviness assailed, 
 but was resisted. I walked, both morning and even- 
 ing, in the adjacent fields, and heard the sound of 
 
167 
 
 tlie blackbird: mystically and spiritually, may 
 ^^ the singing of birds salute the recesses of the 
 solitary." 
 
 30. \Yalking before dinner through Post Wood, 
 in some degree, I endeavoured to combat the inter- 
 ruptions of recollection. In the afternoon, great 
 poverty and distress were the companions of my 
 spirit ; I saw myself as nothing, yea, less than 
 nothing, before the dread of nations. 
 
 Second Month, 1786. 
 
 1 . In the week-day meeting, some meditations 
 concerning the loving of God accompanied my 
 spirit ; and some part of them were expressed to 
 others. 
 
 3, This day, many were partakers of the bene- 
 fit resulting from a dinner ; somewhat similar to 
 the gospel feast recommended by our Lord ; Luke 
 xiv. 13. but the master of it was too destitute of a 
 gospel spirit. 
 
 4, The former part of this week was passed 
 pretty comfortably ; but since, I have fallen short 
 of the fruit of that ^' righteousness which is sow a 
 in peace.'* 
 
 15. On the 7th instant my esteemed friend 
 and relative, Sarah Carpenter, came to our house, 
 and left us' on the nth. 'We entered on this 
 stage of trouble within twenty-four hours of each 
 other, and by reason of age and manifold infirmi- 
 
168 
 
 ties^ are not likely to continue thereupon much 
 longer : from disorder I was precluded from some 
 pleasing prospects which otherwise might have 
 attended the approach of spring — the melody of 
 birds, and the fragrance of flowers. Separated 
 from a sense of the divine life, *^ the charity 
 which never faiieth," and the hope which enters 
 within the vail, and left to the prevalence of the 
 turbulent and indignant propensities of fallen 
 nature, the soul is as '' the troubled sea/' which 
 *^ casts up mire and dirt/' The first day of the 
 present week, was a day of clouds and thick dark- 
 ness ; '^ I went down to the bottom of the moun- 
 tains;" "the depths enclosed me,'' and *^ tho 
 earth with her bars were (seemingly) about me 
 for ever." I had for more than a week past been 
 unable to read in the bible, or any other book, for 
 edification and comfort ; neither scarcely had a 
 single text of scripture occurred to my remem- 
 brance : but yesterday evening, after having sub- 
 mitted to a confinement in my chamber, and 
 opening my bible, and meeting with the history of 
 the prophet, who suffered so severely because of 
 disobedience, I was favored *^ to look once again 
 towards the Lord's holy temple," and the power of 
 divine Omnipotence ; which is yet able to redeem 
 ^' my life from corruption/' 
 
 1 6. I was confined to my chamber, and read 
 again the book of the prophet Jonah, and divers 
 other passages in the prophetic writings. How 
 wonderful is the analogy of faith, and what a 
 
159 
 
 variety of passages are there in tlie sacred recordsj 
 of which, under the influence of the interpreter, 
 one of a thousand may dart a ray of light and hope 
 upon the habitation of the desolate. I also read 
 Dr. Everard's discourse, entitled Divine Ejcorcism, 
 and John Payne on Weakness of Faith. Blessed 
 be the Father of lights, the author and giver of 
 every good gift, for the cloud of faithful wit- 
 nesses. 
 
 28. Those irradiations of divine light and 
 grace, with which I have of late been favored, 
 have been exceedingly transient, and passed over 
 as the hasty visits of a sojourner. Some memoirs 
 lately preceding, express a sense of the Lord's 
 former loving-kindnesses ; and the distillations o£ 
 the dew of Hermon, having been measurably re- 
 newed upon my disconsolate spirit ; but since> 
 manifold and diversified have been my afflictions. 
 During many disturbed and sleepless nights, I 
 have at times been enabled to pray internally to 
 Him who " can fulfil all the good pleasure of 
 his goodness, and the work of faith with power,*' 
 either in many or a few days ; with whom ** one 
 day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years 
 as one day." On the 2ist and 25th instant, I 
 visited my sister S. at Amwell, whose bodily dis- 
 solution seems now to be hastily approaching. 
 May the Lord have mercy on her spirit. Amenr 
 
 i 
 
 a 
 
no 
 
 Third Month, 1786. 
 
 8. For this week past I have been in a state of 
 great disconsolation, '^ tossed with tempests/' and 
 without comfort : I have been ahuost wholly shut 
 out of the Holy Scriptures; and the law of the 
 spirit of life, has been hke a book sealed with 
 seven seals, which no man neither in heaven nor 
 earth could open ; but " the Lion of the tribe of 
 Juda, the root of David," is able to open the book, 
 and unloose the seals. May He prevail in the 
 greatness of his power, and may all the discon- 
 solate and bewildered pilgrims in this dreary vale, 
 be, with my soul, enabled to look with an eye of 
 faith to him, who " was dead, but is alive," and 
 liveth for evermore ; whose wonders are seen in 
 the deeps. Amen. 
 
 24. Came with William Mathews from Hart- 
 ford to London. 
 
 29. A degree of recollection was unexpectedly 
 experienced, and some sensations were attendant 
 of that ancient loving-kindness which is better 
 than life. At the young folks' meeting at Devon- 
 jhire House, a degree of recollection was renewed, 
 and the testimony of the Royal Psalmist ; " When 
 thausaidst, seek ye my face; my heart said unto 
 thefij. thy .face, Lord, will I seek." May I still be 
 enabled to '' seek the Lord, in the beauty of ho-^ 
 linessi" " in newness of life/* 
 
in 
 
 Fourth Month, 1786. 
 
 I. This week, especially towards tlie latter 
 end of it, after a long season of the deepest de- 
 sertion, some tender tears have flowed, and some 
 recollection has been experienced in remembrance 
 of that most merciful God and Saviour, who, in 
 the midst of judgment remembers mercy ; and 
 hath declared that he will not contend for ever, 
 neither be always wrath •, for the spirit should 
 fail before him, and the souls which he has made : 
 but that when the wicked turneth from his wick- 
 edness, he shall not surely die ; but that he shall 
 live in that righteousness which is by faith. As I 
 walked this evening in the Grange Road, &c. the 
 elementary air, although a cloudy evening, seemed 
 reviving to human LZt^^Cy and somewhat em- 
 blematical of the breath of life which was D!cr1th?4. 
 into man, at his first formation; and without a 
 renewal of which by Him v/ho *^ raiseth the dead, 
 and quickeneth whom and when he will, " the 
 soul that sinneth sl^all surely die. 
 
 9. The general meeting at Hunsdon was small 
 and low ; some degree of prayer and recollection 
 v/as experienced in my own particular, more than 
 I expected. In the evening, very unexpectedly 
 and unsought for, some mystical passages in the 
 Epistle of Paul to the Ephesians were suggested 
 and powerfully impressed : ** Great is the mystery 
 of godliness ;" the smallest and most obscure sen- 
 * H2 
 
172 
 
 . aations thereof, are attended with an excellent 
 glory. " Hosanna to the Son of David." 
 
 12. The week-day meeting was well attended 
 in respect to numbers ; those present were recom- 
 mended to believe on him whom God hath sent; 
 according to that which is written : " This is the 
 work of God, that ye believe in him,, whom God 
 hath sent." 
 
 15. If I remember aright, a spiritual author 
 observes, that a sense of the want of recollection, 
 and a desire after it, is a degree thereof. " To 
 will hath been present with mc ," but the exercise 
 has been sown in weakness : my soul has been as 
 the dry ground. 
 
 22. The Scriptures and other pious books in 
 the general, have been sealed ; but I have received 
 some satisfaction and internal refreshment in the 
 perusal of a volume of poems by William Cowper. 
 Although I have little judgment in poetry, or 
 propensity to peruse it, the versification of the 
 above, appears to me to be in some places elevated 
 and striking -, in others, mean and inharmonious ; 
 and some of the sentiments sublimely just and 
 evangelical. The full stomach loathes the honey- 
 comb j but to the hungry soul, every morsel w-hich 
 feelingly expresses the bitterness of self and sin, 
 is sweet. ** Is not the gleanings of the grapes o5 
 Ephraim better than the vintage of Abiezer ? " 
 
 23. Some recollection was witnessed at the 
 close of the afternoon meeting at the Park, and 
 likewise at a sitting ia the evening at cousin 
 
 # 
 
173 
 
 Kaye's ; our friend, Rebecca Wright, of North 
 America, being present with us : nevertheless, in 
 other parts of the day, upon slight provocations, 
 too much impetuosity of temper was sorrowfully 
 prevalent. Alas ! where is the meekness and 
 gentleness of Christ Jesus ? " who when he was 
 reviled, i;eviled not again; and when he suffered, 
 lie threa^tened not." Where are the fruits of that 
 heaven- born charity, which " suffereth long, and' 
 is kind;" ^* is not easily provoked, thinketh no 
 evil;" 1' beareth all things, hopeth all things, and' 
 endureth all things ? " 
 
 2p. My natural temper, although not wholly 
 suppressed, has been measurably opposed ; the 
 least alleviation of, or deliverance from, evil, is a 
 fresh cause of joy to those who are sighing under 
 a heartfelt sense of the sins which so easily beset 
 them. Lord, ** lead us not into temptation," but 
 m thy own time, deliver us from all evil ; for' 
 thine only is the power, and to thee only the glory 
 is due for ever, 
 
 30. At the Park meeting, in the forenoon, 
 heaviness was for a time attendant; but after- 
 wards I was favored v/ith some sense of tha^: hope 
 which enters within the vail ; even Christ within, 
 the hope of glory ; in whom is the adoption and 
 fulfilling of the promises. The latter part of the 
 meeting was, I hope, on the whole, solemn and 
 profitable. The afternoon meeting was through^ 
 out heavy, though in my own particular, not 
 without some desires after divine good. 
 
 H3 
 
174 
 
 Fifth Month, 1786. 
 
 3. In the evening, I was favored while walk- 
 ing, with some sensation of " the gift of God, 
 which is eternal life/' 
 
 4. At the Park evening meeting, in the early 
 part during the silence, and under the lively 
 ministry of W. S. I was favored with a renewed 
 sensation of the gift of God j the afterpart of the 
 meeting was low, although many words were 
 spoken. 
 
 7. In the forenoon meeting, at Hartford, the 
 necessity of a deep heartfelt repentance, and of 
 that salvation which is only by the grace of our 
 Lord Jesus Christ, was exp.essed in a short tes- 
 timony. 
 
 21. The forenoon meeting was large; a short 
 testimony was delivered concerning the Minister 
 of the Sanctuary which God has pitched, who is 
 •' an High Priest for ever, after the order of Mel- 
 chisedec ;" and the sufficiency of his teachings. 
 The afternoon meeting was low. At the inter- 
 ment of the wife of J. F. who was not a member 
 of our society, there seemed to be a revival of 
 divine favor in silence, and during the testimony 
 of M. P. I afterwards walked by the Seal Wood, 
 attended with a degree of recollection : outwardly, 
 the singing of birds is heard, but internally, the 
 robes of winter and sackcloth, continue to be the 
 covering of my spkit 
 
175 
 
 22. Read with some savour and spiritual ap- 
 plication, some chapters of the Evangelist John, 
 ** Great is the mystery of godliness" and of faith, 
 when held in a pure conscience, washed " by the 
 blood of sprinkling," and '* sanctified by the Holy 
 Ghost/' 
 
 / Sixth Month, 1786. 
 
 10. Soon after I sat down in the forenoon 
 meeting, some degree of supernatural solemnity 
 seemed not only to cover my own mind, but 
 measurably the assembly in general. The Patri- 
 arch's petition, concerning one of the tribes of 
 Israel Vv'ho was tried at Massah, and proved at 
 the waters of Meribah, was strongly impressed 
 with a pointing to express the same, v/ith some 
 similar expressions ; our friend, Rudd V/heeler, 
 coming in, I remained in silence : if either myself 
 or others suffered by my so doing, I am sorry for 
 it, but I should have been more sorry if I had broke 
 in upon the concern of another. The meeting 
 was wholly silent, but seemed an uncommonly 
 favored season, 
 
 11. "Walking by Dunkirks towards Brickendon 
 place, as I sat on the bench, I read the 13th and 
 14th chapters of the Evangelist John, and con- 
 templated the great mystery of godliness con- 
 tained in them, with some recollection and spiri- 
 tual perception of the things which are written. 
 
 19. Our friend Zachariah Dicks of North 
 H 4 
 
176 
 
 Carolina, came in the morning to our house, and 
 attended a meeting appointed at Hartford in the 
 forenoon. I passed most of the afternoon mea- 
 surably recollected, in the house belonging to 
 Dunkirks' farm, where, in the time of T. Grubb, 
 I had been so frequently refreshed both in respect 
 to body and mind j I remembered the days of my 
 youth, and the love of my espousals 5 I was then 
 very defective^ and am I now nearer the kingdom 
 of God, which is " righteousness, peace and joy 
 in the Holy Ghost ? " 
 
 21. In the week-day meeting, the attention of 
 myself and others present, was recalled to the 
 great Physician, who said to the petitioning leper, 
 ** I will J be thou clean." 
 
 25. In the forenoon meeting at Hartford, I 
 was measurably quickened under the ministry of 
 M. P. who bore a living testimony to Him " who 
 quijkeneth the dead," and suffered without the 
 gates of Jerusalem, that he might sanctify the 
 people with his own blood j in concurrence with 
 which, a few words were added in respect to the 
 having fellowship with him in his sufferings : upon 
 the whole it seemed rather a favored season, 
 especially towards the latter part. Sarah Beck 
 and Sarah Sheldon, were at Ware in the after- 
 noon •, rather a low season, although divers evan* 
 gelical truths w^re delivered by the former. 
 
177 
 
 Seventh Month, 1786. 
 
 2. The dead was again in some degree raised, 
 under a short testimony delivered by M. P. con- 
 cerning the number of dry bones formerly beheld 
 by the prophet. 
 
 3. The monthly meeting was small, and a 
 low season ; I withdrew before the business was 
 fully finished. As I walked towards Hartingford- 
 bury, and stood in the meadows on the banks of 
 the river Mineram, my mind became measurably 
 calmed, and awfully impressed, under a sense of 
 that Almighty Being, " who made heaven and 
 earth, the sea, and the fountains of water." My 
 soul has long been '^ tossed with tempests, and 
 not comforted." In the late hours of my life, 
 may the Prince of Peace, who commanded the 
 tumultuous waves, speak peace, and bruise satan, 
 the author of strife. 
 
 5. The week-day meeting very small, but 
 rather a solid season. The sitting at the feet of 
 Jesus, to hear his gracious words, was recom-- 
 mended in a short testimony. 
 
 9. At Hunsdon general meeting, few words 
 were spoken; M. P. and myself w^ere present, 
 and I hope measurably exercised in a ministry 
 which, Vv^ithout the medium of vocal language, has 
 a tendency to gather others who are present, un- 
 der the wing of the great Shepherd, whose name 
 IS *' Emanuel, which being interpreted, is God 
 with us," 
 
 H5 
 
178 
 
 15. Some part of this week has passed pretty 
 fairly : ** the fruits of righteousness which are 
 sown in peace/' have this day been despoiled, as 
 by a dry wind from the wilderness. 
 
 16. In the early part of the morning meeting, 
 I sat in a state of heaviness and great helplessness ; 
 my secret sighs were many, and my heart was 
 sad ; but ere I was aware, a testimony was in- 
 ternally formed to the nature and universality of 
 the true light, which shineth in darkness ; ^' Christ 
 within the hope of glory," and '* the mystery hid 
 from ages and generation- *," but now manifested 
 by the gospel of life and immortality. No liberty 
 for utterance attended. M. P. was afterwards 
 exercised acceptably in a public ministry. 
 
 17. In the afternoon was at J. AUis's, whose 
 son-in-law, my worthy and beloved friend and 
 kind landlord, J. Kaye, was present j who, al- 
 though in the bloom of youth, is in a declining m 
 state. What is man, but the creature of an hour,^ 
 as a bubble upon the water? '' he coraeth forth as 
 a flower, and is cut down : he fleeth also as a sha- 
 dow, and continueth not." May the Lord in 
 mercy, from whom only are the deliverances from 
 death, prolong yet a little, a life so valuable and 
 useful to myself and many others ! 
 
 19. In the early part of the week-day meeting, 
 a recommendation to sit as at the footstool of that 
 redeeming grace which alone *^bringeth salva* 
 tion," and teacheth to deny all ungodliness, was 
 afnentally formed, but not expressed. 
 
179 
 
 20. I remembered the Lord, whose mercie* 
 ^* are new every mornhigj*' of which I am un- 
 worthy. I admonished, in a cross to my own will, 
 two members of our monthly meeting, who had 
 behaved inconsistently with their Christian pro- 
 fession. 
 
 21. Went in a chaise to Berkhamfted, Ches- 
 hunt, Sec. On my coming home, I v/as informed 
 of the decease of my esteemed kinswoman, M. G. 
 who, for mar^.y years past, had been at times an as- 
 sistant in our family when in Tooley-street, and al- 
 ways conducted herself towards me in a kind and 
 obliging manner : she was poor in this world, but 
 I believe for some years had been seeking after 
 those riches which fail not j under a sense of the 
 weakness and depravity of human nature, and in- 
 validity of those things which perish with the 
 using. 
 
 23. In the forenoon meeting, those present 
 were recommended to " the fountain of living 
 waters.'' 
 
 28. How innumerable a^e the Lord's mercies 
 respecting the dispensation both of his grace and 
 providence ! Without him not a sparrow perisheth. 
 
 2Q. A very tempestuous day with respect to 
 weather, but some part of it rather serene within ; 
 but low in respect to that life which is " by faith 
 in the Son of God." Divers days ia the pr:e- 
 ceding Vv^eek have been passed in a similar manner. 
 
 30. Li the forenoon meeting, some desires 
 that those present might be inwardly gathered to 
 1-16 
 
180 
 
 the great Shepherd, who laid down his life for his 
 sheep, were formed and expressed. 
 
 31. In the evening, sitting on Queen's-bench, 
 with some tenderness of spirit, I sought forgive- 
 ness of the errors of the preceding month in par- 
 ticular, and of my past life in the general, which 
 have been many. Lord, pardon ; Lord, save, or 
 I perish. The Lord's way is in the whirlwind, 
 *' and the clouds are the dust of his feet/' 
 
 Eighth Month, 178(5. 
 
 2. Every vision of inoffensive amusement fails, 
 when the spoiler is present. 
 
 4. The forepart of the day uncommonly lu- 
 minous and comfortable ; before dinner, sitting in 
 the Grange-road, I was measurably recollected, 
 and read divers portions of Holy Writ, particularly 
 the 5th and 7th chapters of Micah, and the ist of 
 Nahum : in the latter, I remarked those gracious 
 promises, " Though I have afflicted thee, I will 
 afflict thee no more : I will break his yoke from 
 off thee, and burst thy bonds in sunder." ** Be- 
 hold upon the mountains, the feet of him that 
 bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace." 
 
 5. Notwithstanding the views of the last, this 
 was a day of deeo and heartfelt distress ; the yoke 
 was renewed, and my bonds strengthened, because 
 of unprofitable discourse. 
 
 6. The monthly meeting held for worship at 
 
181 
 
 Hammersmith, was silent in respect to verbal tes* 
 timonies ; and if I was not mistaken in my feel- 
 ings, a degree of interior silence was the com- 
 panion of some spirits present; I myself, was 
 also measurably a partaker of the benefit, 
 
 12. For the most part of the past week, % 
 desire has attended my mind, that I might be de- 
 livered from evil, which has in degree been gra- 
 ciously answered ; but I have been weak respect- 
 ing religious retirement, and too deficient also in 
 reading the Holy Scriptures. 
 
 13. In going to the general meeting at Cross* 
 brook-street, I was inwardly so poor, that I could 
 scarce say, " Lord, be merciful to me a sinner j" 
 yet there was a desire that peace and silence 
 might prevail, at least in my own particular. After 
 some time of sitting, my mind became suddenly 
 impressed. with a sense of the burthen of the word 
 of the Lord, which is '^ as a fire, and a hammer, 
 that breaketh the rocks in pieces ;" and the ne- 
 cessity of its influence and operation on all, that 
 the crown of pride might be abased; not only in 
 the exterior adorning '^ of plaiting the hair, and 
 of wearing of gold, or of the putting on of ap- 
 parel,'' but in the more hidden workings of the 
 mystery of iniquity ; the filthy ra^s of our owit 
 righteousness. 
 
 16. In the week-day meeting, some words were 
 spoken, concerning that prayer which is " in the 
 spirit, and not in the letter." The meeting was 
 very small, but rather solid. 
 
182 
 
 22. In the morning, I read some portions in 
 that part of scripture which is deemed apocryphal, 
 with some degree of savour and application j par- 
 ticularly the 2d and 3d chapters of the Wisdom 
 of Solomon, and the prayer of Manasses king of 
 Juda, when he was holden captive in Babylon. 
 
 24. In the evening, I found an inclination to 
 attend the Park meeting ; I remembered my at- 
 tending that meeting in the days of my youth, 
 when the Lord was calling me by his grace to be 
 a disciple of his Son Jesus Christ ; who, during 
 a long pilgrimage in a world of trouble and accu- 
 mulated woe, hath at times been as " the shadow 
 of a great rock in a weary land." May he be 
 graciously pleased yet to arise upon my benighted 
 mind, in the effulgence of the Father's glory. 
 
 26. The forepart of this week was rather 
 placid and serene : religious retirement and read- 
 ing were not wholly unattended to. 
 
 27. Our friend, Z. Cockfield, being buried 
 from RatclifF, the meeting was very large, and in 
 a good degree solemn and favored. 
 
 31. The evening meeting at the Park was 
 small, and much of the time passed in silence j I 
 myself was peaceable but poor, destitute of that 
 deep exercise and those deep openings which are 
 experienced, when " deep calleth unto deep," and 
 . the. water spouts descend upon the dry ground. 
 
183 
 
 Ninth Month, 1786. 
 
 From the 13th to the 25th I was confined ; in- 
 ternally my state gloomy : searching the scriptures 
 and other experimental records, could not per- 
 ceive the condition of any parallel with mine. 
 ** Is it therefore nothing to you, all ye that pass by? 
 Behold and see, is there any sorrow like unto 
 my sorrow, which is done unto me, wherewith 
 the Lord hath afflicted me.'* He hath made me 
 desolate, and faint all the day ; the yoke of my 
 transgressions is bound by his hand: ^* they are 
 wreathed," and fallen heavy upon me. 
 
 Tenth Month, 1786. 
 
 To the 3d of this month I continued confined ; 
 with this additional distressing circumstance, 
 such a cough, as I do not remember to have had 
 before. 
 
 16. About noon I was seized with so violent 
 a spasm at the bottom of Mill Lane, that I was 
 brought home, by three men, entirely helpless j 
 no bodily strength remaining, and little sense but 
 that of the danger of immediate dissolution, and 
 my own unfitness to appear before a God of 
 purity, peace, and love \ whose Son, our Saviour, 
 and only Mediator with the Father, when he 
 suffered for us, reviled not again \ *' who his own 
 
184 
 
 self bare our sins m hi« o\X'n body on the tree; 
 that we being dead to sin, might live unto righte- 
 ousness ; " by whose stripes we only can be 
 healed : very wonderfully I received a reprieve for 
 a few hours from the grave. 
 
 22. Great and inexpressible has been the lovp'- 
 ness of my flesh and spirit; " my sighs have been 
 many,'* and my heart has been sad ; an universal 
 lang or has seemed to pervade my whole system, 
 I have indeed been more conversant in a copy 
 of the Night Thoughts, which accidentally came 
 to hand, than for many years before ; and the 
 following address to the Deity, has been fre- 
 quently revived in my remembrance, with an 
 application to my own state of captivity and deso- 
 lation. 
 
 Father of immortality to man! 
 And Thou the next ! yet equal ! Thou, by whom. 
 That b!essm^ was convc\-M ; far more ! ^vas bought; 
 loeff ible the price ! by whom all worlds 
 Were made ; and one redeemed ! Illustrious light, 
 
 . Look down, look down, 
 
 On a poor brer.thing particle in dust. 
 Or, lower, an Immortal in his crimes. 
 His crimes forgive! 
 
 2q. Another week of great distress ; day unto 
 day has uttered the language of self-condemnation, 
 and night unto night has shewn the knowledge 
 gf my own vileness, and unmeetness to appear be- - 
 
185 
 
 fore Him, who is " of purer eyes than to behold 
 evil." Divers times-— daily, an exhortation con- 
 tained in 4th chap, ist epistle of Peter, which I 
 read this day week, hath been renewed in my re- 
 membrance; with desires that the Lord may pros- 
 per so necessary and important an exercise, and 
 cause me continually to increase therein, viz. 
 ** The pnd of all things is at hand : be sober, and 
 watch unto prayer:*' during a disturbed night, 
 this exhortation was very frequently renewed in 
 my remembrance. Reading in the morning the 
 57th chapter of the prophet Isaiah, the following 
 verses were impressed upon my mind ; '* for the 
 iniquity of his covetousness was I wroth, and 
 smote him : I hid me, and was wroth, and he 
 went on frowardly in the way of his heart : 1 have 
 seen his ways, and will heal him: I will lead him 
 also, and restore comforts unto him, and to his 
 xnourners:" they remained on my mind during the 
 course of the forenoon meeting, with a reference 
 to my own stale, and the covetousness of my own 
 heart-, a covetousness neither of silver nor gold, 
 nor the praise of men j yet, of things that perish 
 with the using. The meeting was large and silent, 
 and I hope profitable to some. 
 
 Eleventh Month, 1785, 
 
 5. I was desirous of attending the forenoon 
 meeting, but the day being very cold I was pre- 
 
186 
 
 vented ; my heart doth not much condemn me for 
 a neglect of the attendance of religious assemblies 
 when in health, and a desire after an inward exer- 
 cise of spirit before him who seeth in secret ; but 
 I now see more diligence might have been prac- 
 tised even in that respect ; I have been particu- 
 larly led to see the importance of that duty, by 
 the lare perusal of a treatii^e, entitled, * The Privy 
 Key of Heaven/ by Thomas Brooks, in which the 
 worthy author recommends mental pr.iyer, in the 
 following pathetic address, by way of reply to an 
 objection against the duties of the closet. * Thou 
 sayest thou canst not pray; but canst thou not 
 sigh nor groan neither ? there may be the spirit of 
 adaption in sighs and groans, as well as in vocal 
 prayer : the force, the virtue, the efficacy, the ex- 
 cellence of prayer, doth not consist in the nun.ber 
 and flourish of words ; but in the supernatural 
 motions of the spirit, in sighs, in groans, in pangs 
 and strong affections of hearty that are unspeakable 
 and unutterable : cert aii?iy the very soul of prayer 
 consists in the pouring fo.'di a man's soul before 
 the Lord, though it be but in sighs, groans, and 
 tears ; one sigh or tear from a broken heart is 
 better pleasing to God than all human eloquence.* 
 By which it appears that T. Brooks and some of 
 his brethren in that day, and under that dispen- 
 sation, were not wholly unacquainted with that 
 prayer which is *^ in the spirit and not in the 
 letter :" although strangers to the glory, beauty, 
 and excellency of silence in solemn assemblies, as 
 
1S7 
 
 they have besn conspicubUv^ly and clearly mani- 
 fested to those called Quakers ; concerning whom, 
 it may, ia this respect, be said, '* Who is like unto 
 thee ; a people, favored by the Lord," herein, 
 ** above thy fellows ?'' 
 
 '12. Again prevented from attending meeting. 
 O ! that I had been more diligent when better 
 able. Although, from the tim.e I was visited with 
 the day spring from on high, I have remembered 
 the Lord, and '^ the word of his holiness j" and 
 have neither sought the riches, nor what are com- 
 monly callfd the pleasures of the world, yet I 
 have been too much attached to the things which 
 are seen, and which have perished with the using; 
 the most pleasing of which has usually proved as 
 tlie prophetic roll, sweet in the mouth, but bitter 
 in the belly. O thou ! who delightest in mercy, 
 and ^' forgivest Iniquity, transgression and sin ;'' 
 let thy mercy be great, and through the blood of 
 the everlasting covenant, purify and pardon at 
 the hour of death ! My sister S. was buried this 
 evening at Ratclift. 
 
 13. The petition of the preceding evening, 
 for purification and pardon, being measurably 
 maintained ; in the afternoon, I perused divers 
 parts of scripture, in which I had been frequently 
 conversant, with more savour than at other times. 
 O Lord, sanctify the solitary chamber ! may it be 
 sanctified through the truth ! so as to becom^e a 
 school for my instruction in righteousness. 
 
 15. Within doors: pretty peaceable in the 
 
188' 
 
 day, but in tlie evening, my soul became as the 
 troubled sea 5 tempests arose, the waters roared, 
 and were troubled, as by an east whid from the 
 wilderness ; " not to fan nor to cleanse," nor I 
 hope to make a full end of that small degree of 
 faith, which may yet remain in the bottom of my 
 distressed mind-, justly comparable ** to a grain 
 of mustard seed," which is the smallest of all 
 seeds. 
 
 19. At the forenoon meeting, those present 
 were reminded of the apostolic recommendation, 
 to wait for the coming and revelation of the Lord 
 Jesus Christ. 
 
 26. Although much heaviness and weakness 
 were my attendants in the forenoon meeting, my 
 mind was me;»surably enlarged, respecting the spi- 
 rituality of prayer j VLud the mistake of many of 
 our fellow-professors of the holy Christian reli- 
 gion, who suppose the medium of vocal language 
 essentially necessary to the making their requests 
 known to Him, who '^ searcheth the hearts, and 
 knoweth the mind of the spirit." I expressed 
 nothing verbally. 
 
 30. At the commencement of this month, my 
 continuing here until the close of it appeared 
 tether improbable ; there is still less likelihood of 
 my seeing the close of another : but our times and 
 the length of our days are in the hands of an all- 
 wise Disposer, who sometimes is pleased to bring 
 down the mighty, and to support the feeble ; his 
 wajs and the designs of his providence can never 
 
1S9 
 
 "be ascertained by tlie utmost efForts of human 
 sagacity. My pilgrimage on earth has been long 
 extended, but in many instances I have grievously 
 erred and " fallen short of the glory of God/* 
 and of the gracious purposes of the heavenly vision 
 with vi^hich I was favored in the days of my youth: 
 but are the bowels of the Lord's compassion and 
 forgivenesses for ever sealed towards me 5 may he 
 tiot yet find a ransom and return, and have mercy 
 on the workmanship of his hands ? He will as- 
 suredly visit for iniquity, transgression and sin; but 
 he knoweth our frame that we are dust : distressed 
 and self condemned, may I not despair of his 
 loving-kindnesses, which have been of old, and of 
 his mercies, which fail not ? Lord, I would be- 
 lieve, " help thou mine unbelief.'* 
 
 I'wELFTH Month, 1786. 
 
 T. My wife being one deputed by the women's 
 meeting, to inquire whether any connected with 
 our society were not properly provided with 
 bibles, I went with her to Hoddesdpn ?..id Worm- 
 ley for that purpose ; and, on inquiry, one family 
 appeared not duly furnished with one. How re- 
 miss are many professing with us, concerning the 
 things which conduce to their instruction in right- 
 eousness y and how attentive to those which 
 ^' perish with the using." 
 
 4. Ui^ider much debility both of body and 
 mind, I attended the monthly meeting 5 our iriend 
 
190 
 
 S. W. had a short but lively time in testimony; 
 two friends having previously declared their inten- 
 tions of marriage. In the subsequent business a 
 concern prevailed, that the ansvi^ers to the quar- 
 terly meetings' queries might be faithfully ex- 
 pressed 5 and all evasive representations avoided. 
 
 6. In much weakness, I attended the marriage 
 of J. S. and M. P. jun. a degree of solemnity 
 seemed to prevail, particularly in the forepart 5 
 my mind was much impressed with a sense of the 
 obligation and efficacy of drawing nigh unto God in 
 spirit, according to that which is written, " Draw 
 jiigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you ;'* and 
 our incapacity to comply v/ith so profitable a requi- 
 sition, without a heavenly draught and attraction 
 from above; as it is written, *' Draw us, we wU! 
 run after thee *,'* and again, " No man can come 
 to me, except the Father v/hich hath sent me, 
 draw him." But I expressed nothing. 
 
 7. In the evening, I remembered the words of 
 the Lord Jesus, which I once heard livingly re- 
 peated, in a select sitting, by our dear friend G. D. 
 *' In my Father's house are many mansions." But 
 alas! " what portion have I in David, '* or " inhe- 
 ritance in the Son of Jesse ?'* It is not every one 
 that calleth him Lord, Lord, shall enter into the 
 kingdom of heaven ; but he that doeth the v/ill of 
 his Father which is in heaven; and they only 
 who overcome, shall inherit the promises. 
 
 8. In the morning watch, 1 remembered the 
 many mansions which are in the Father's house. 
 
191 
 
 to. I sat under great languor in the forenoon 
 meeting, but was not wholly destitute of some 
 feeble aspirations towards the God and Father of 
 life, who is able to gird the feeble with strength, 
 *' fulfil all the good pleasure of his goodness, and 
 the work of faith vv'ith power:" being distressed in 
 the evening, and Luther's Commentary on the Ga- 
 latians being particularly addressed to the wounded 
 In spirit, I recurred thereto ; but on a perusal of 
 some passages, it appeared to me that the author, 
 in endeavouring to exalt " the foundation," built 
 not only with ^^ gold, silver, and precious stones/' 
 but with *' wood, hay, and stubble j" afterwards, 
 I was profitably employed in hearing my v/ife read 
 some more clear testirnonies to the truth. 
 
 13. I was at the week-day meeting, which was 
 low, small and silent. Our forefathers and many 
 other faithful men were formerly feasted with the 
 ** fat things full of marrow," which are on God's 
 holy mountain; they participated of the wine 
 which is well refined from the lees ; but to some 
 of us it is an unmerited mercy to partake of the 
 crumbs from the Master's table. 
 
 14. In the forenoon, I read the 88th, 143d, and 
 145th Psalms, with some spiritual savour and ap- 
 plication to my own disconsolate state : I also 
 dipped into John Bunyan's works, in which, with 
 many mistakes and inconsistencies, there are way-* 
 marks for the weary. Afterwards, I read the 
 parable of the prodigal son : I have been a prodigal; 
 
 ■ but from my youth upwards there has been desires 
 
192 
 
 to return to the Father's house, where the true 
 bread is only found. 
 
 17. T. D. of Surry, was at our forenoon meet- 
 ing. When the showers are withheld both imme- 
 diately and instrumentally, those who esteem them- 
 selves lighteous are apt to attribute the cause to 
 others present ; but the truly humble and penitent, 
 who dwell under a deep sense of their own deme- 
 rits, are rather ready to query, Is it I ? Is it I ? — I 
 am indeed humbled, but not sufficiently so. 
 
 25. This day being set apart for the comme- 
 inoration of the birth of Christ, without a super- 
 stitious regard, I have annually, for some time past, 
 viewed it with a degree of peculiar attention, and 
 remembrance of that important event, in which all 
 men have been interested ever since the com- 
 mencement of time : I have seen many of them ; 
 the present in all probability will be the last ; 
 why should I desire an addition to their number ? 
 have I from year to year experienced an increase 
 in the knowledge of Him, who took upon him 
 flesh, in order to finish transgression, and save his 
 people from their sins ? 
 
 31. Many sorrowful days hafe been passed 
 during the present year, and for some months past 
 I have been in all human probability hastily ad- 
 vancing to that very awful, tremendous period, 
 when time shall be no longer. This day there 
 hath been some desires after good, but contrary 
 things have too much had the prevalence •, and 
 what can I now add in the close of the year 1785, 
 
193 
 
 but adopt the sentiments expressed by a pious 
 writer, which I lately met with ; videlicet, ^ O 
 Lord ! how soon will my life be at a period ! 
 How little or nothing good have I worked, or 
 how much have I wasted of my time only in vain 
 thoughts 5 and what shall I say of all the unpro- 
 fitable, nay, sinful words and works ? O Lord ! I 
 cannot answer thee one of a thousand ; I anx 
 ashamed and humbled in thy sight ; pardon me, 
 pardon me, O Lord ! and if any time longer re- 
 mains, grant that I may redeem it better, and 
 bestovv every part of it upon the most important 
 and useful things, especially in prayers for myself 
 and others : nay, let me spend all the few remain- 
 ing hours as it were in prayers, and thus send 
 them before me into eternity, that I may reap a 
 blessed fruit of every hour in the world to come. 
 O therefore ! set eternity in all things before my 
 eyes as my only mark.' The prayer of Manasses 
 king of Juda is also excellently adapted to the state 
 of an awakened and disconsolate spirit. The 
 evening was spent pretty much in reading, and 
 rehgious conference. Li many words frequently 
 sin is not wanting, but I hope nothing, or at least 
 but little this evening was uttered, which was in- 
 consistent with truth and soberness. 
 
194 
 
 First Month, 1787.- 
 
 I . Some good desires have attended, but evil 
 also hath been present vv^ith me. A petition of a 
 son of sorrow to the God of Israel was also the 
 meditation of my spirit, viz. '' O that thou 
 wouldest bless me !'* and keep me from evil, that 
 it might not come near me to grieve me ; the root 
 of evil is within : upon man's primaeval trans- 
 gression and separation from the tree of life, it 
 sprang up in him as a mighty tree, with a prolific 
 growth and luxuriant branches, bearing fruit abun- 
 dantly. " From within, out of the heart proceed 
 evil thoughts/* <^ anger, wrath, clamour, evil- 
 speaking \' according to that which is written, 
 *' When lust hath conceived it bringeth forth sin, 
 and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death •/' 
 these have been the sins \vhich have so easily be- 
 set me ; and have so frequently brought me into 
 captivity to the law of sin and death : from them, 
 good Lord ! deliver me, that I may, during the 
 few moments remaining, *' receive with meekness 
 the ingrafted word, which is able to save the 
 soul." Amen, Lord Jesus, Amen. 
 
 5. When the Lord visiteth his people because 
 of their iniquities, " heinvadeth them with his 
 troops,'* and by their punishments, graveth 
 before them as ** with a pen of iron," the 
 things in which they have transgressed j I have 
 .derived too much consolation in the partici* 
 
195 
 
 pation of the bread and wine that perisheth ; but I3 
 my strength hath failed ! have I not been too 
 mattentive to the sph'it that quickeneth, and the 
 law written within ? whilst I have with solicitude! 
 pursued religious improvement, by the things 
 . which have been written by faithful and true 
 witnesses; and behold, where are they? If all 
 knowledge fails as a brook, and as the stream of a 
 brook, passeth away; may I never forget the 
 -Lord, and his loving-kindness which remains for 
 ever. 
 
 6, 7, and 8. I was much indisposed with diz- 
 ziness of sight and sense, my heart and my flesh 
 failing ; but I frequently remembered with a de- 
 gree of consolation, the declaration of Jehovah to 
 his former people, viz. *^ O Israel ! thou hast 
 destroyed thyself, but in me is thy help." 
 
 26. I was much depressed by being suddenly 
 informed of the decease of our dear and worthy 
 friend Samuel Nottingham ; whose lively labours 
 in the ministry of the gospel, and exemplary con- 
 versation, made strong and lasting impressions on 
 myself and wife, when with us at Hartford, above 
 three years ago. 
 
 27. My bodily health and strength in the 
 course of this week has been rather increased ; but 
 where has been my grateful returns to the Pre- 
 server of men, who " bringeth down to the grave 
 and lifteth up." How unnecessarily are we often 
 ;ilarmed in respect to the casualties which may befal 
 
196 
 
 a body, winch soon must perish ; but too inatten- 
 tive are we to the diseases which attend a soul, 
 which was formed for an eternal existence ! 
 
 28. The fore part of the day was rather lumi- 
 nous, both in respect to body and mind : I remem- 
 bered the Lord that made me ; the God and 
 giver of every good gift, who ^^ will bring every 
 work into judgment, with every secret thing, 
 whether it be good, or whether it be evil :" in 
 som^ degree I also sought after that peace which 
 passeth knowledge. 
 
 30. The day was passed more luminously than 
 iK3me : in the evening divers friends were with us; 
 but little conversation passed which tended to edi- 
 fication or a forwarding one another in the faith 
 of Christ, '' that faith which works by love," 
 When we are together, outward and verbal oppo- 
 sition may be measurably avoided, but tumults 
 and swellings may be felt within, which ought to 
 be suppressed. We may esteem some of our 
 fellow-men, and fellow-members, over-zealous, 
 and others too lax and indifFerent ; yet both 
 parties may in degree be actuated by the same 
 spirit and love of truth ; although by natural 
 complexions and prejudices, they may in some 
 respects be perverted from a perfect rectitude of 
 judgment : in those cases we ought to forgive, as 
 we desire to be forgiven, and to bear with the 
 errors of those we may esteem mistaken ; at the 
 ^ame time desiring all may be preserved from that 
 
197 
 
 mammon of unrighteousness which leadeth men 
 to justify themselves, and to despise others. 
 
 31. This day was passed pretty peaceably as 
 to the outward, and without much cause for con- 
 demnation in that respect j but ought not the 
 Inside of the cup and platter also to be made 
 clean ? for *' out of the heart proceed evil 
 thought?';^' 
 
 Second Month, 1787. 
 
 I. With God all things are possible, " He 
 bringeth down to the grave, and he lifteth up •,'' 
 His is the power and the glory for ever. Amen, 
 
 4. Aftei having been absent from our reli- 
 gious meetings ever since the first of the Twelfth 
 month at Hartford, I once more attended the fore- 
 noon meeting, which, although small, was in 
 a good degree satisfactory •, I had cause of thank- 
 fulness to Him, who hath the key of David, and 
 openeth when, where, and to whom he pleaseth ^ 
 that notwithstanding my unworthiness, he did not 
 appear to be wholly withdrawn ; matter being 
 freely and plentifully opened with an application to 
 myself and those present : but, alas I I have been 
 ^' a man of unclean lips, and have dwelt among 
 a people of unclean lips •, " and what remain- 
 eth for me now, but that I wait for the salvation 
 of God 5 and in much bowedness and nothingness 
 of self, receive what may be graciously imparted 
 
 13 
 
W8 
 
 by Him, who " giveth liberally, and upbraidetli 
 not ?" 
 
 10. This week has not been passed without 
 some asphatlons after a divine life, and that for- 
 giveness of the past evil, which is only from God^ 
 through Christ, ^' whom he hath set forth to be a 
 propitiation." 
 
 11. Although prevented from attending a 
 public meeting for worship, or reading in the Holy 
 Scriptures, by reason of my want of sight ; at in- 
 tervals I experienced some attraction of spirit 
 towards the great "Minister of the Sanctuary/* 
 who is full of grace and truth, and fairer than the 
 $ons of men. 
 
 14. In the preceding evenings, I have been in 
 some degree edified, by hearing my wife read 
 William Law's answer to Dr. Travel-, "an excellent 
 performance, replete with those pious and Catho- 
 lic sentiments which are dictated by the gospel of 
 Christ; the wise in that wisdom which is from 
 above, who labour to turn many to righteousness, 
 shall shine ; their work shall remain in the gene- 
 rations which are yet to come y when the memory 
 of those who have excelled in that wisdom which 
 this world teaches, shall be forgotten. 
 
 1 7. After so long an absence, I M^as desirous 
 of once more visiting Hartford and its environs ; 
 but found great feebleness in the attempt : for 
 behold, the day is now come in which the pillars 
 of the house tremble, " and those that look out of 
 the windows are darkened j'* and the hour is at 
 
199 
 
 hand in which, " the silver cord shall be loosed, 
 and the golden bowl broken.'^ 
 
 18. After a long absence, I went with great 
 feebleness of flesh and spirit, in a chaise, to the 
 forenoon meeting at Hartford : early in the meet- 
 ing a short testimony was delivered to the divine 
 light and word which is near in the heart and in 
 the mcfuth", according to that which is written, 
 " The word which God sent unto the children of 
 Israel, preaching peace by Jesus Christ (he is Lord 
 of all)." Our friend, M. P. was afterwards 
 much enlarged in a living and evangelical minis- 
 try. 
 
 19. Be ye always ready, for ye know not the 
 day nor the hour in which the Son of Man cometh, 
 was often revived in my remembrance during the 
 course of the day. I was not sensible of much 
 cause for condemnation. 
 
 21. Great weakness and heaviness attended me 
 in the week day meeting, I strove against the latter 5 
 not without some desires towards Him, who 
 *' quickeneth the dead/^ 
 
 24. How wonderful are the ways of the Pre- 
 server of men, both in respect to our immortal 
 spirits and those material forms with w^hich they 
 are clothed ! ** He bringeth low, and he lifteth 
 up : " adorable are all his ways ; in consummate 
 wisdom are they formed. During the last week I 
 have experienced some increase in bodily strength ;, 
 but has there been any increase attained in that 
 spiritual strength which is by faith in the Son \>£ 
 I4 
 
God? it has indeed been sought for; but great 
 feebleness and imbecility have been my com- 
 panions. 
 
 25. In the forenoon meeting, after a long and 
 laborious silence, those present were exhorted to 
 seek after that spiritual enlargement which is by 
 the divine gift and grace of the Redeemer. In 
 the evening walked once more by Kamp's Hill to 
 the brick ground, and in much weakness sought 
 to set up my Ebenezer to Hirn^ who hitherto hath 
 helped me. 
 
 26. My bodily strength is indeed increased, 
 but, alas ! I am afraid indeed of every view of 
 inoffensive gratification, lest interruptions and 
 contrary occurrences, should despoil the peaceable 
 fruits of righteousness. 
 
 28, Towards the conclusion of the week-day 
 meeting, a short testimony was delivered, recom* 
 mending to a true and living faith in God and 
 Christ ; according to that which is written, " Ye 
 believe in God, believe also in me : " before I 
 stood up, some life and freshness seemed to be 
 attendant on the opening, but on the expressing it 
 to others, great weakness and languor both of flesh 
 and spirit were my portion ; and I sat down a- 
 bashed, and in a very different sensation from my 
 exercise on the i8th of the last month. 
 
 Third Month, 1787. 
 3, Neither the present day, nor the week pre* 
 
201 
 
 ceding, have been spent so well as they ought j 
 nevertheless, in each day, desires after the best 
 things have been attendant, 
 
 4. Attended the forenoon meeting which was 
 held in silence ; some interior sense of the si- 
 lencing influence of Emanuel, who commandeth 
 the waves and the seas, and they are still, was 
 graciously experienced. I have frequently won- 
 dered at our being more often favoured with those 
 sensations in our religious meetings, than at other 
 times ; but I recollect that we are exhorted, not 
 to forsake '^ the assembling of ourselves together;" 
 and that at such times, we are more free from the 
 impediments of peace and recollection, than we 
 are in our ov/n families and other places. O! the 
 beauty and excellency of that spiritual silence, in 
 which we feel after the Lord, who is "not far 
 from every one of us" in the temple of our own 
 hearts; according to the divine and obligatory 
 monitions, " Be still and know that I am God." 
 *' Keep silence before me, O islands ! and let the 
 people renevv^ their sti^ngth : let them draw near^. 
 then let tnem speak ; let them come near together 
 to judgment/' I am fully persuaded if this exer- 
 cise was maintained, our religious meetings would 
 be for t!ie most part attended with a divine so- 
 lemnity, superior to those of our fellow professors 
 of the holy Christian religion. 
 
 5. In the monthly mv^eting, friends were excited 
 to a faithful labour in a discharge of religious 
 dutieSj by a revival of these words, ** The labourer 
 
 15 
 
§02 
 
 is worthy of liis hire.'* After the women friefidf 
 withdrew, those present were reminded of a 
 labour essentially necessary for all, viz. a drawing 
 near in spirit to Him, who is able to forgive their 
 iniquities, and heal their diseases : the subsequent 
 business was transacted in a spirit of love and con* 
 descension. 
 
 6, 7, and 8. All these days I was in great 
 perplexity, occasioned by various encumbering 
 and embarrassing views ; I could see no way. 
 
 II. At the forenoon meeting at Hitchin, S. C. 
 and M. R. appeared in acceptable testimonies : 
 respecting myself, the vision within was as a' 
 sealed book 5 heaviness attended, Mdiich I endea-* 
 voured to resist, according to 'the proportion of 
 faith and strength imparted. 
 
 14. A low silent meeting at Hartford : dined 
 at Amwell, and assisted cousin D. H. in selecting 
 books for M. S. from her father's library : walked 
 once more into the shrubberies of my late bro- 
 ther. .. ^. 
 
 17. In Tooley-street. This day I was pre- 
 serv^ed measurably under the precious influence of 
 the Prince of Peace. 
 
 18. I pursued in spirit after peace; neverthe- 
 less perturbations were too prevalent. In the 
 evening my wife read some testimonies of Christian 
 friends. O for patience, from the God of patience! 
 from whom proceeds mercy and forgiveness, " and 
 every good and perfect gift 5" praises wait for him 
 in Zion, who preserveth his prisoners, and those 
 
203 
 
 who are appointed to die ; he only looseth the 
 captives. 
 
 21. The pillars of the house trembled, the 
 sound of the grinding was low, and every desire^ 
 and hope of help seemed to fail. 
 
 Fourth Month, 1787. 
 
 r . In the forenoon meeting, after a long sitting: 
 in silence, those present were reminded of the* 
 penalty annexed to our first parent, in case of his- 
 disobedience v according to that which is written, 
 *^ For in the day that thou eatest thereof, thou^ 
 shalt surely die f and that all his posterity have 
 *' sinned, after the similitude of Adam's trans-^ 
 gression/' Afterwards those present were re- 
 minded of the redemption which is by Christ 
 Jesus -, *^ the fountain opened " " for sin and for 
 uncleanness." The meeting held long, but I hope 
 was measurably a solid and favoured season. 
 
 2 . In the monthly 'meeting, before the women 
 friends withdrew, it appeared to me, that a bare 
 traditional belief in, or assent to, the coming of 
 our Saviour, his death and sufferings in the ilesh ; 
 or the most strict adherence to our own moral and 
 ceremonious righteousness, without experiencing 
 Him revealed in us, as our wisdom, righteousness, 
 sanctification, and redemption, will prove unavail- 
 able to our salvation ; according to that which is 
 written, unless Chrisi: be in you, ye are reprobates. 
 
 3. I v/rote a few lines condemning myself; 
 
 16 
 
 ^ 
 
204 
 
 and requesting the forgiveness of the friend, to 
 whose remark I had made a hasty and unadvised 
 reply in the meeting : in the evening shewed the 
 same to M. P. 
 
 6, This day is set apart by the churches of 
 Rome and England, for the commemoration of 
 the Resurrection of Christ from the dead : may 
 we experience being '^ buried with him by baptism 
 into death," and a being raised by him, through 
 that faith which is '* of the operation of God." 
 
 8. "Went to Horslydown meeting in the after- 
 noon, a small, silent, suffering season. I was deeply 
 distressed by the enemy of peace, before I slept. 
 
 p. I was in the outward room at the quarterly 
 meeting, at Devonshire House, before the men 
 and women separated ; it was a large and . so- 
 lemn sitting, although chiefly held in silence i 
 there seemed virtue to go forth from Jesus, and to 
 ^' be extended to those who were afar off : I was 
 
 favored with some distant views of Him, who is 
 " the repairer of the breach, the restorer of p^ths 
 to dwell in*" 
 
 14, Came to Hartford. This week, together 
 with many preceding ones, has been passed in 
 much lowness : in respect to the small excursions 
 I have made in the city and its environs, I can 
 truly say, I have had little pleasure in them. 
 
 15, Just before the close of the forenoon 
 meeting, a sueing out of a pardon from the King 
 of kings ; not by " thousands of rams, nor with 
 ten thousands of rivers of oil," neither by tlie law 
 
205 
 
 of any carnal commandment, but by " the power 
 of an endless life,'* was recommended to the as- 
 sembly : for a time, my mind was rather warmed 
 and impressed with a sense of the inestimable 
 
 1 6. I received a very kind, affectionate, and 
 sympathizing letter, from the friend whom I had 
 offended on the 2d instant ; the receipt of which 
 afforded some consolation to my wounded spirit. 
 
 18. The forepart of the week-day meeting was 
 both unsettled and heavy, afterwards, some degree 
 of solemnity seemed to attend i and I was enabled, 
 in much weakness to look towards that beneficent. 
 Being, who promised to *' bring the blind by a 
 way which they knew not," and to ^^ lead them 
 in paths which they have not known j " to ^^ make 
 darkness light before them, and crooked things 
 strait.'' 
 
 2.1. Every alleviation of evil is of grace, and 
 ought to l^e received with thanksgiving. In the 
 past week, I have in some degree been preserved 
 from the ebullitions of turbulence ; nevertheless, 
 I have had abundant cause to adopt the plaintive 
 language of the church formerly, " my leanness,, 
 my leanness!'* The language of my spirit has 
 been continued almost incessantly. Lord, I would 
 believe, " help thou mine, unbehef." I cannot 
 rest satisfied with the reports of faithful witnesses, 
 even those which are recorded in the sacred wri- 
 tings 'y without a witness freshly imparted from on 
 high, and a record from heaven, that the Son of 
 
g06 
 
 God IS come, and hath given me an understanding: 
 according to what he personally pronounced when 
 on earth, viz. Thy sins which have been many, 
 are forgiven thee. 
 
 23. I see my manifold calamities in measure 
 arise from a secret, undesired, and almost unper-r 
 ceived infidelity. Unfaithfulness to discoveries 
 of duties plainly imparted, is the parent of doubt- 
 ings and distrusts. He that doth the will of God, 
 *^ shall know of the doctrine:" *^ my feet have 
 fetumbled upon the dark mountains -,'* I have been 
 as " a reed shaken with the wind,'' and more 
 tossed with tempests than many who have been at 
 ease in Zion, unemptied *^ from vessel to vessel-,'^ 
 but with a standard of their own formation, or 
 the prejudices of an unrightly informed education, 
 with much supposed readiness and clearness of 
 Judgment, are judging of the attributes of God, 
 his dealings with man, and the nature of a future 
 state of existence : but the day is cdming, in 
 which every false rest and mistaken judgment 
 must be disturbed ; in which deep only shall call 
 unto deep, and the blind see out of darkness and 
 obscurity : Lord hasten this ! the day of salvation y 
 make plain thy paths to babes and sucklings, for 
 the sake of thy Son, who is the light of life, and 
 can open the blind eyes. Amen. 
 
 29. ** There is no peace to the wicked," but 
 the righteous is as ** a green olive tree,'' in the 
 garden of God ; and standeth fast upon the moun- 
 tains of holiness and everlasting strength 5 he 
 
207 
 
 sliall not be overmuch dismayed at tlie terror 
 which walketh in darkness, nor the desolation 
 which wasteth at noon-day. 
 
 30. Rather placid and peaceful ; not entirely 
 void of thankfulness on account of my dear wife's 
 indisposition being alleviated : I am not likely to 
 be long with her, but find an increasing degree of 
 affection and tenderness towards her, and of gra- 
 titude for her past and long continued goodness* 
 We have lived together in the connubial state for 
 near thirty-two years, in much concurrence and 
 similarity of sentiments, in matters of importance ; 
 both in respect to things spiritual and temporal ;. 
 frequently seeking with some solicitude after those- 
 things which appertain to life and salvation : the 
 seed of the kingdom has been plentifully dispensed 
 within us, but an enemy has likewise sown tares, 
 which have sprung up, and too greatly prevented 
 the good seed from growing up to maturity : with 
 the men of Succoth, we have been taught with 
 the briars and thorns of the wilderness, which 
 many times and often, caused us to " go mourn- 
 ing all the day long," and to bow down our souls 
 as the street and the ground, to them which went 
 over. Now the time of separation is near, arise, 
 O Lord ! " thou and the ark of thy strength ; " 
 rebuke the devourer, and put a hook into the jaws 
 of Leviathan, for our souls sake, and the sake of 
 thy beloved Son, who only is able to save-, to 
 whom be the praise of his works. Amen and 
 Amen. 
 
SOS 
 
 7, I was informed of the decease of my de^ir, 
 friend John Kaye. He was early favoured with 
 the visitations of divine grace and truth, and being, 
 obedient to the heavenly vision, he became " as 
 gold" seven times *' tried in the fire;" an ex- 
 ample to believers, " in word, in charity, in spirit,, 
 in faith, in purity : " having also a good report 
 amongst those that were without, by many of 
 whom he was greatly beloved, and his death is 
 deeply deplored : and of him it may be truly said- 
 as of righteous Abel, that " being dead, he yet 
 speaketh." 
 
 Fifth Month, 1787. 
 
 9. At the week day meeting, the translation. 
 of the beggar into Abraham's bosom, was muck 
 before me. 
 
 13 . At Cross -brook' street meeting, after sitting.. 
 some time,. these words v/ere imparted, viz. *^ Out 
 of the belly of hell, cried I unto thee, and tbciL 
 heardest my voice;" they remained as a nail 
 fastened in a sure place ** by the Master of assem- 
 blies," during the sitting, and the subsequent part 
 of the day, and night following. 
 
 14. My wife read to me divers passages of 
 Holy Scripture, in Job, Isaiah, and Jonah, which 
 were rather consolatory. 
 
 24. At the Park evening meeting I was mea- 
 surably recollected, in the room adjoiiiing the 
 meeting-house 5 and enabled to look in much 
 
209 
 
 debilitation and weakness towards Him, who Is 
 entered within the vail, and who is able by the 
 might of his power, to destroy all the vails which 
 remain, and to *' swallow up death in victory.'^ 
 For a season, my mind seemed to acquiesce in the 
 divine counsels and allotments, both in respect to 
 time and eternity; according to that which is 
 written, ** although he slay me, yet will I trust in 
 him/' 
 
 26. Returned to Hartford. A remarkable 
 change from former days at this period of the 
 year j but a still greater change is at hand : I 
 cannot with any degree of rationality have the 
 most distant expectation of seeing the return of 
 another year : alas ! where shall t then be ? Fu- 
 turity is a blank j it baffles every vision 5 excellent 
 things have been spoken of Zion the city of God : 
 but the most authentic and faithful records are as 
 sealed books, unless freshly opened by Him, who 
 hath *^ the key of David : " ' from whose internal 
 documents I have too much deviated. Lo ! now 
 my darkness and distress is as the great deep ; 
 ^' is it nothing to you," who "are at ease in 
 Zion," who are trusting in uncertain riches, or 
 in the most dignified . elevations of an imperfect 
 and creaturely rectitude? 
 
 27. I attended the forenoon meeting at Hart** 
 ford \ my hope was to participate of bread in 
 secret, but alas ! heaviness and dissipation enclosed 
 me as a gai*ment : various sentiments and scriptu- 
 ral passages passed my mind in a hasty and swift 
 
210 
 
 succession ; but alas ! what are the cogitations 
 formed by or in the human mind, unless im- 
 pressed "by the Master of assemblies/' "as a 
 nail in a sure place ?" what is the chaff to the 
 wheat ? it is the word, which is as a fire, and 
 ** like a hammer that breaketh the rocks in pieces/* 
 and opens the prison doors. 
 
 29. Upon my bed, in the morning watch, the 
 call of Jehovah to the men of Israel, was brought 
 to my remembrance, and continued with a lasting 
 impression during the succeeding day ; " Seek ye 
 the Lord, and ye shall live." Came from Hart- 
 ford to Tooley-street. 
 
 30. I was with my wife in tlie forenoon at 
 Devonshire House meeting-, a season of recollec- 
 tion, and I hope of some advantage to myself as 
 an individual 5 and in general a solid and favoured 
 fitting. 
 
 31. In the forenoon, much embarrassed by a 
 succession of company, and some disagreeable 
 confabulations which attended 5 I have now no 
 time to attend the works and ways of men : one 
 work is only necessary, the work of salvation. 
 Having for some time had a pointing to attend the 
 evening meeting at Devonshire House, I went; 
 at first sitting down I was much discouraged, on 
 account of my own weakness in every respect, and 
 the concourse and heat attendant : before many 
 words were spoken, my mind was suddenly im- 
 pressed with a sense of that spiritual and internal 
 worship, which can never be described by human 
 
211 
 
 eloquence 5 nor attained by the wisdom, eiForts^ 
 and righteousness of men ; men may limit them- 
 selves, and one another, and seek to set bounds ta 
 the great deep ; but they can never limit Him, 
 who is illimitable ; who causeth his sun to arise, 
 and his rain to descend, both on the just and the 
 unjust y who hath compassion, when and where 
 he will have compassion. " Search the Scrip- 
 tures," was the command of our great Muster, 
 and is of universal obligation •, they ought to be 
 searched by all •, but one v/ord or sentence there- 
 of, enforced by the wind which bloweth v/hen 
 and where it iivSteth, is of more efficacy than all 
 creaturely researches of them, from the beginning, 
 of Genesis to the end of Revelations: but this 
 ought to be no discouragement to a diligent peru- 
 sal of their sacred records, in the lowest and most 
 disconsolate seasons, when they may seem to us 
 only as a dead letter j for the words which we 
 then read, ^' as bread cast upon the waters,'' may 
 be raised in power, after many days. Our dear 
 friend G. D. had afterwards, living and evangelical 
 ministrations, both in testimony and supplication* 
 I came home better than I went. 
 
 Sixth Month, 1787. 
 
 I . In the room adjoining Horslydown meeting, 
 soon after sitting down, I remembered that when 
 many people were assembled, the Messiah was 
 pleased to display that fulness of the Godhead 
 
212 
 
 which dwelt In him bodily ; and the power of the 
 Lord was present to heal them : on the same 
 ought to be our only trust; for " in vain is the 
 help of man/' and cursed are they who trust in 
 him. The meeting was very much crowded, and 
 numerous testimonies were delivered by our fe- 
 male friends. 
 
 3. I went to Devonshire House meeting ; soon 
 after I sat down the testimony of the Lord Christ 
 W€i$ brought to my remembranco with a degree of 
 power, viz. "If ye believe not that I am He, ye 
 shall die in your sins : " do I truly believe in Him, 
 whom God hath sent, by a faith which works by 
 love, to the purification of my heart and conversa- 
 tion ? Am I through a true and living faith, saved 
 from those sins which so easily beset me ? Shall 
 I ever be saved from them, through faith in the 
 Son of God ? All things are possible to Him, 
 with whom we have to do. The afternoon meet- 
 ting at Devonshire House, low and restless in the 
 forepart, more solid and composed afterwards. 
 Our friend John Gough had a large time in testi- 
 mony, *' the hand-writing on the wall," was set 
 forth against those who only cry Lord, Lord ; 
 who are ^' weighed in the balances and found 
 wanting *' in the oil of life, which only gives ad- 
 mittance into the bridegroom's chamber ; and 
 whose kingdom is nearly finished. I would not 
 turn aside from the terrors and judgments of the 
 Lord, which are so justly due to me j neither 
 would I harden my heart against " the sure mer- 
 
213 
 
 cies of David/' which fail not : is not he who 
 writes *^ the sins of Juclah/' as " with a pen of 
 iron," able to cast them as into the depths of the 
 sea ; and to remove the hand-writing upon the 
 wall ^ He seeth not as man seeth •, who shall 
 *' say unto him, what dost thou ? '' Nothing is 
 withfield from him ; the work is his, and to him 
 only the power belongs. 
 
 20. Soon after I sat down in the week-day 
 meeting, at Hartford, the call of Jehovah to his 
 people formerly, was renewed in my mind with a 
 degree of power, viz. ** Be still, and know that 
 I am God :" many passages of holy writ, relative 
 to the mission and ministry of the Messiah, by 
 whom the Father now speaketh, who is a high 
 5^ priest for ever, after the order of Melchisedec," 
 were also attendant ; and continued with a degree 
 of freshness during the sitting ; but I was fear- 
 ful of expressing any thing, both on account of 
 my own weakness in every respect, and unfitness 
 for so solemn and important an exercise. 
 
 24. The morning being very hot, I was much 
 oppressed in walking to meeting, and sat a con- 
 siderable time in great languor both of flesh and 
 spirit ; but our friend M. P. about the middle of 
 the meeting, having a lively and evangelical time 
 in supplication, I was measurably strengthened ; 
 and the circumstance subsequent to the crucifixion 
 of our Saviour, that when a soldier finding his 
 body differing from his fellow sufferers, thrusting 
 a spear into his side, " forthwith there came 
 
214 
 
 thereout blood and water," was freshly renewecf 
 in my remembrarce; together with some con- 
 siderations respecting the spiritual and mystical 
 significations of that very singular event : but 
 judged those sublime subjects more proper for my 
 private meditation, than for public utterance* 
 
 27. Being better in my health a few days past 
 when at Hitchin, than I had been for some 
 months; whilst there, my spirits were rather ex- 
 hilerated ; and perhaps I might converse on sub- 
 jects too freely among my friends, for in the 
 tongue is deadly poison, and ^^ in a multitude of 
 words there wanteth not sin.'' I have often 
 thought that in the relating narratives there is a 
 great aptitude to exceed the bounds of strict 
 truth, by aggravating for a supposed embellish- 
 ment what we relate ; this is a species of false- 
 hood I myself have been too guilty of, although 
 not more so I believe than many others ; and have 
 been condemned for the same by Him, who 
 bringeth every word into judgment, and with a 
 most unerring scrutiny and precision, distinguish- 
 eth the truth. For some time past I have had 
 rather a recourse to palliatives, as, if I remember 
 right 'y or a, suppose it might be so -, rather so 
 and so. Although these subterfuges may be pre- 
 ferable to downright and unguarded lying, yet 
 they are beneath the dignity of real truth, which 
 is bold as the day, and in no need of deceitful 
 coverings •, there is therefore, abundant cause for 
 us to unite in the address uttered by one formerly. 
 
215 
 
 Viz. O Lord! keep thou the doors of our Hps, 
 that we ofiend not with our tongues. 
 
 29. Durmg this month, an increase in bodily 
 strength has been continued. Some embarrass- 
 ment on account of acute disease in the neigh- 
 bourhood, has for some days past been rather 
 prevalent ; and interrupted a due gratitude and 
 thankfulness for an increase of strength and 
 health, beyond all human probability ; but this 
 day, I remembered with consolation and self-ap- 
 plication, the following declarations in Holy writ, 
 viz. '^ When Israel came out of Egypt,'' " Jordan 
 v/as driven back ; the mountains skipt as rams, 
 and the little hills as lambs :" the great moun- 
 tain became a plain. 
 
 Seventh Month, 1787. 
 
 I. In the forenoon meeting, heaviness and 
 lassitude attended ; towards the close of the sit- 
 ting, the spirit of heaviness was removed, and a 
 religious exercise increased ; all visions of a divine 
 savour were withheld j " the wind bloweth" when 
 and " where it listeth.'' I hope this sitting in 
 poverty and outward silence was profitable ; al- 
 though before the close, as is too common, some 
 were desirous of the meeting breaking up ; an 
 error very inconsistent with the profession of a 
 patient waiting j for, after we have long sat under 
 the dominion of death, iircumscribed with penury 
 
216 
 
 and distress, He who " turneth the shadovv^ of 
 death into the morning," is sometimes pleased hj 
 an unexpected exertion of grace, to cause light to 
 arise out of obscurity ; to quicken the dead, and 
 to call '^ those things which be not, as though 
 they w^ere :'' His is the power, and to him the 
 praise belongs. 
 
 2. The monthly meeting was large and measu- 
 rably satisfactory ; I was enabled, if I mistake 
 not, to speak in the meeting for business with 
 some clearness on various subjects. Walking in 
 the evening in the meadows behind my former 
 habitation, near Cowbridge, I w^as enabled in 
 weakness to petition the Supreme Being, that 
 sweetness of spirit might prevail ; that instead of 
 the thorn, there might be the myrtle, and instead 
 of the briar, the fir tree ; for a name and a sign 
 not to be cut off, to the praise of the Prince of 
 Peace. Amen. 
 
 8. After attending the forenoon meeting at 
 Hitchin, I was at an evening meeting at Wy- 
 mondly -, where after two testimonies were de- 
 livered, there was a long time in silence ; during 
 which, inward and religious exercise was expe- 
 rienced, and an increase of solemnity seemed to 
 cover the large assembly, which I believe was 
 upon the whole satisfactory. 
 
 25. Went in great distress to the evening 
 meeting; by a remembrance of that faith in Christ 
 by which ** the elders obtained a good report" 
 before the law, and under the law; but which is 
 

 217 
 
 more conspicuously signified by the manifestation 
 of God in the flesh, and the pubUcation of the 
 gospel y I was measurably relieved. 
 
 28. I have been at Hitchin above three vi^eeks; 
 have experienced during that period a consider- 
 able increase of bodily health and strength ; every 
 increase in that which is of good, " cometh from 
 the Father of light" and spirits, whether it is 
 ghostly or corporeal ; but that increase which is 
 by the faith of Christ, is inestimably precious, the 
 chiefest good ; and proceeding from Him who is 
 from everlasting to everlasting, is of an everlasting 
 duration ; but in this, I have grievously fallen 
 short-, when I would have done well, evil has 
 been too frequently present with me ; who shall 
 deliver me from " the law in my members," which 
 warreth against the law in my mind ? " I delight 
 in the law of God, after the inward man/^ 
 
 29. Two low meetings at Hitchin, and very 
 sniali ; but I hope not altogether unprofitable. 
 
 30. I went with my wife to Baldock monthly 
 meeting, which was large and satisfactory ; our 
 friend T. D. of Surry, being accidentally present, 
 appeared in testimony : towards the close, some 
 words were spoken concerning the benefit of a 
 due attendance of such assemblies, if the minds of 
 those present were exercised in feeling after that 
 inward life, which far surpasses all that is out- 
 ward. 
 
 t» 
 
 K 
 
2 IS 
 
 Eighth Month, 1787. 
 
 I. I came with my wife and sister D. from 
 Hitchin, having passed a month in and about that 
 town ; my strength and health were considerably 
 increased during that time ; but a due thankfulr- 
 Xiess for the unexpected blessing received, and the 
 fruits of righteousness and peace, were greatly 
 wanting. 
 
 5. I was at Hertford meeting in the forenoon^ 
 which was a low season, 
 
 6. Some degree of life seemed to attend in 
 the monthly meeting. 
 
 12. Went with my wife and M. P. in great 
 weakness to Crossbrook-street general meeting, 
 which was small, and to some a suffering season. 
 
 15. I went in a coach to the week-day meet- 
 ing, in much faintness and debilitation ; but after 
 sitting a while, some glances were imparted to- 
 wards the great Physician, who heard the blind 
 man, that earnestly sought for help from him ; 
 He " is the same yesterday, to-day, and for ever,** 
 and " in Him dwelleth all the fulness of the god- 
 head/' I received a hint, if possible to continue 
 my diary, which has of late been too much neg- 
 lected ; it may perhaps be only necessary to add a 
 few lines to those which are written. A peace- 
 able day, with some desires after the love of God;- 
 Vv^hich is in Christ Jesus. 
 
 16. Great lowness and languor continue, the 
 
219 
 
 little degree of strength which was unexpectedly 
 renewed, being dried up as a potsherd ; I am in 
 *^ the dust of death," but there is life in Christ, and 
 that is the light of them who sit in darkness, 
 bound in chains of affliction and iron. My wife 
 read to me in Quarles's Barnabas and Bo'-inages, 
 and some other pious books. 
 
 1 7. On my bed I suddenly remembered thesi? 
 words, which I found written in the 14th chapter 
 of the book of Hosea, viz. " I will be as the dew 
 unto Israel ; he shall grow as the lily, and cast 
 forth his roots as Lebanon ;" a gracious promise. 
 Very weak and low, but pretty clear from con- 
 demnation on account of temporary transgression* 
 
 21. I came from Hartford to Tooley-street. 
 
 25. Since I have been in London my bodily 
 strength has increased, with frequent incitements 
 to petulance and peevishness ; nevertheless, desires 
 have attended, that being '' blind as the Lord's 
 servant, seeing many things" but observing them 
 not J opening mine ears, but hearing not ; I might 
 be delivered from *' debates, envyings, wrath, 
 strifes, backbitings, whisperings, swellings, tu^ 
 mults/' 
 
 26. I was rather recollected in the room ad*- 
 joining to the Park meeting-house in the forenoon ; 
 I remembered those who were tried at the water, 
 and the men who lapped, even " as a dog lap- 
 peth." 
 
 29. In the evening with soreness in my throat, 
 I«was cast down j I remembered that awful and 
 K2 
 
220 
 
 tremendous annunciation recorded in Holy writ ; 
 viz. " This night thy soul shall be required of 
 thee." I have not been anxious to lay up treasure 
 on earth, but too remiss in constantly seeking the 
 riches and righteousness which comes by Christ 
 Jesus. 
 
 31. In some degree, I was a companion with 
 tjiose who are looking up for redemption in Israel. 
 
 Ninth Month, 1787. 
 
 I. Great searchings of heart were attendant, 
 in *^ the valley of the shadow of death." 
 
 6. In the evening, signifying to our friend 
 Deborah Townsend, my intention and desire to 
 have attended her and companions to the evening 
 meeting, she replied. Meeting is every where ; a 
 plain saying, but faithful, and worthy of all accep- 
 tation ; according to that which is written, ^^ Hear 
 ye me, Asa, and all Judah and Benjamin, the 
 Lord is with you, while ye be with him j'' which 
 gracious declaration w^as confirmed and enlarged, 
 by the Legislator of the new covenant, saying, 
 *' Lo ! I am with you always."- 
 
 8. The necessity of the new birth was set be- 
 fore me, and its consisting in the love of God ; 
 according as it is written, " Thou shalt love the 
 Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy 
 .soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy 
 strength." Men are naturally lovers of their 
 
221 
 
 own selves, following after pride, covetousness, 
 the Just of their eyes, and the pride of life ; and a 
 final separation from those enjoyments, seems 
 likely to prove their torment to all eternity : may 
 those tremendous sensations be averted by the 
 blood of the everlasting covenant, which " speak- 
 eth better things than that of Abel." This even- 
 ing, about the sixth hour, departed my long ac- 
 quainted friend and relative, J. A His, senr. the 
 acquaintance and frequent companion of my ju- 
 venile years. 
 
 13, Came from Tooley-street to Hartford. 
 
 14. When the rebellious servant of the Lord 
 ** went down to the bottoms of the mountains ; 
 the earth with her bars" seemed to inclose him 
 for ever; and when the apostle Paul was sup- 
 posed to have been overtaken by the avenger of 
 blood, the Lord magnified his power in their de- 
 liverance. Arise, O Lord ! " I beseech thee," 
 and the ark of thy strength ; subdue principalities 
 and powers, ** touch the mountains" that they 
 may smoke, and cause the hills to flow down at 
 thy presence, that the horn of thy salvation may 
 cast all iniquity into the depths of the sea *, '^ for 
 thine is the kingdom, and the power and the glory 
 for ever" and ever. Amen. 
 
 16. I went once more to the forenoon meeting 
 at Hartford, in great weakness of body, and abased 
 in spirit, like unro him who lifted not up his eyes 
 to heaven, "but smote upon his breast." After 
 I had sat a while I felt, or at least thought I felt^ 
 
 K3 
 
222 
 
 somewhat of the consolations which are in Christ 
 Jesus ; and the goodwill of him who dwelt in the 
 bush, when the bush burned and was not con- 
 sumed, to be extended to those present ; not only 
 to the weak and depressed in spirit, but also to 
 the stout-hearted, who were far from righteous- 
 ness. A freedom and a seeming impulse, seemed 
 likewise to attend, to call all present to look to 
 the Lord Jesus Christ, who trod " the wine press 
 alone," who suffered for our sins without the 
 gates of Jerusalem, and who is the light and life 
 within. I went after dinner to Hitchin, and at- 
 tended the quarterly meeting of ministers and 
 elders y I experienced a degree of strength to be 
 renewed both inwardly and outwardly : the meet- 
 ing was large and solid -, M. P. had a lively 
 allusion in her testimony, to the men who for- 
 merly pressed through the host of the Philistines,, 
 to draw water from the well of Bethlehem : a sub- 
 lime oriental narrative, replete with spiritual and 
 mystical instructions in righteousness. 
 
 17. I sat in the quarterly meeting at the out- 
 skirts, but was in some degree a participant of 
 that silence, which as a canopy, seemed to cover 
 that numerous assembly j I seemed also to be fa- 
 vored with some sense of that illimitable com- 
 passion, which causes the sun to shine on the just 
 and the unjust, and the rain to descend on the 
 righteous and the wicked. 
 
 18. In the evening meeting at Baldock I was fa- 
 vored with some sense of that love, which is stronger 
 
22S 
 
 than death. Sarah Crawley only appeared in tes- 
 timony. 
 
 19. In the week-day meeting, Samuel Spavold 
 having appeared in testimony, a few words were 
 added, concerning " the Captain of the Lord's 
 host j" Christ Jesus, " the same yesterday, to-day,, 
 and for ever." 
 
 23. Came in the afternoon from Hilchin to 
 Hartford. 
 
 26. In the evening,., after the reading some 
 religious letters, I was suddenly recollected, with 
 some views towards Him, with v/hom nothing is 
 impossible ; by whom sometimes, when every re^ 
 fuge has failed, " the valley of Achor'' becomes 
 '* a door of hope 'y^ and those gracious purposes 
 brought to pass almost instantaneously, which 
 have been unsuccessfully sought for, during the 
 greatest part of a man's life. This remark may 
 appear rather calvinistieal ; but it is consistent 
 with the analogy of faith, declaratory of omnipo- 
 tential benevolence, and untainted with the errors 
 of John Calvin. 
 
 29. I was exercised in striving against sin* 
 This week I have heard a narrative of interesting 
 and remarkable occurrences in the life of ********- 
 containing many stupendous displays of divine 
 grace and providence, in his preservation from 
 death and hell. The Lord " speaketh once, yea, 
 twice, in a dream, in a vision of the night *," 
 when men appear to be sleeping the sleep of 
 death, he then sealeth those instructions which 
 
 K4 
 
224 
 
 arc the way to life; but tlicy rebel against Him* 
 Our author being early favored with convictions 
 of sin, and incitements to religion and righteous- 
 ness, erroneously supposed them to be the dictates 
 of a natural conscience. If any thing inferior to 
 the spirit of the Redeemer eircctually reproves for 
 sin, " Satan is divided against liimself:" it is 
 only the spirit of Christ that ** convinces the 
 world of sin, of rightpousness, and of judgment." 
 Sound therefore, and consonant with tlie analysis 
 of gospel faith, were the testimonies of George 
 Fox and Robert Barclay, to the Lord Jesus Christ; 
 as "the light of life-," and only " true light, 
 wJiich lighteth every man that cometh into the 
 world." 
 
 30. In the forenoon meeting, various vague 
 openings passed my mind in swift succession •, but 
 I was preserved in silence, and not without some 
 true travail after the real substance, both for my- 
 self, and on behalf of those present. Afterwards, 
 divers adverse occurrences attended : I was want^ 
 tng in patience. 
 
 Tenth Month, 1787. 
 
 3. On the 3d of loth month, 1754, I was 
 married to my dear wife, who has ever since been 
 my faithful and constant companion : Almighty 
 goodness has blessed us with a due proportion of 
 •' the fatness of the earth," and what is infinitely 
 
925 
 
 more valuable, with ••the dew of heaven/' and the 
 knowledge of Christ ; but satan hii» withstood us, 
 and too greatly obstructed the fruit of that righ- 
 teousness which is sown in peace. I attended t!ic 
 v/eck-day meeting, which was small and low. 
 
 20. Tins week in hearing read the experience.-.*? 
 and records, of tome who I believe were meaJiU- 
 rably partakers of the heavenly gift, much tender- 
 nriss of spirit has been attendant, with an efflux 
 of many tears •, but I fear those ebullitions huve 
 been of the flebh. 
 
 28. At Hartford. I went to the forcnr)ori 
 meeting as well as usual ; my mind was early im- 
 pressed with a conviction of the inestimable atU 
 v^antages, resulting from a continually seeking 
 after that divine mercy, which we all so greatfjr* 
 iiind in need of. 
 
 ram the Tenth Month 28th, to the Eleventh 
 Month 3d, 
 
 I was almost wholly confined to my solitary 
 
 chamber, by means of extreme weakness and 
 
 v/ant of breath: in respect to the ftate of my 
 
 rn'mdf I have been distressed, *^ but not in de- 
 
 ^air :" divers passages of Scripture have at variotii 
 
 times passed through my mind, with a degree of 
 
 .freshness. I have bcm much pre^XTved from 
 
 petulance, with gratitude to my dear wife^ for l^r 
 
 1 unremitting attentions. T!: 
 
 K5 
 
a God that hideth himself; he passeth by, Kiitwe 
 perceive him not; he goeth by, but we observe 
 him not; and he is often nearer to us than we 
 are aware of ; '^ for in him we live and move, 
 and have our being;" to whom be glory and 
 dominion, not only from cherubims and sera- 
 phims, but from the dust of Sion for ever. Amen. 
 
 5. Whilfl my wife was absent at monthly 
 meeting, my desires were, that I might in my 
 solitary chamber, be incessantly seeking the Lord ; 
 that as a poor wandering sheep, I might at last 
 be .gathered, " to the great Shepherd and Bishop 
 of Souls," who laid down his *' life for the sheep." 
 Manifold and diversified are the sentiments even 
 of pious and good men, concerning the nature of 
 true faith in Christ ; but they all agree in this, 
 that there is a faith in Him, which works by love, 
 and that He is become '^ the author of eternal sal- 
 vation, unto all them that obey him." May we 
 follow after faithfulness to the internal documents 
 and attractions of the spirit ; and if, in any respect, 
 we may obtain mercy to be found faithful, may 
 we ascribe it solely to his faithfulness ; " who 
 worketh in us, both to will and to do of his good 
 pleasure." 
 
 8. A pretty peaceful day, attended with some 
 desires after divine good, although in much feeble- 
 ness : every good desire is of God, and ought to 
 be received with thanksgiving. 
 
 10. This week, I have been low and weak in 
 body and mind, but favored with some researches 
 after that divine mercy, which is adequate to the 
 
227 
 
 deepest misery. When I recollect how it hath 
 been v/ith me, since the Lord visited me by his 
 grace, shewed me the vanity of the world, and 
 drew me in spirit towards himself-, I am astonished: 
 " I lie down in shame, and confusion covers me." 
 The most superlative blessing of divine light and 
 life has not been withheld from me ; nor a sin- 
 cere desire after the things which are the most 
 excellent : I have likewise been favored with a 
 competent acquaintance with the Holy Scriptures, 
 and the experiences of the pious in the former and 
 the present age. Yet under these advantages how 
 have I gone astray as a wandering sheep ; in my 
 supposed religious duties too frequently have I 
 followed the sight of my eye, and the inclination 
 of my own heart •, there has frequently been the 
 begettings of a divine birth, but for want of 
 steadfastly abiding in the divine light, mistakes 
 have been multiplied, and I have been prevented 
 from being so useful to my fellow men, as other- 
 wise, I might in many respects have been : but 
 God is gracious and m.erciful, " forgiving iniquity, 
 transgression, and sin," and ^^ passeth by the 
 transgressions of the remnant of his heritage." 
 "Though he slay me," may " I trust in him." 
 
 II. I was weak both in body and mind. J. P. 
 and his wife visiting us in the evening, some tiine 
 was passed in retirement, and a cessation from words 
 (a profitable exercise too unfrequent among us, for 
 in many words sin is seldom wanting) ; at first 
 sitting down below stairs I was perplexed^ but 
 K6 
 
228 
 
 going up stairs I soon became more calm, and my 
 mind was a little opened, concerning that prayer 
 which is in and by the Spirit ; and that a sincere 
 and earnest desire after it is in some degree a 
 measure of the same, heard and accepted by Him, 
 who *' searcheth the heart, knoweth the mind 
 of the Spirit,'' and maketh intercession in a lan- 
 guage that cannot be uttered. 
 
 13. In the forenoon I was favored to con- 
 template the blessed estate of the numberless 
 multitude, which John saw standing before the 
 throne, clothed with white robes, and having palms 
 in their hands : O ! may we witness through great 
 tribulations, our robes washed and made white by 
 ** the blood of sprinkling, that speaketh better 
 things than that of Abel." 
 
 17. A low day, but pretty peaceful; in the 
 morning I heard some chapters read in that mysti- 
 cal portion of Holy writ, entitled the Song of 
 Solomon, 
 
 18. Whilst my wife was gone to the forenoon 
 meeting, I meditated on the gracious promises 
 made to the wilderness and the solitary place, as 
 recorded in Isaiah, chap. xxxv. verse i . 
 
 24. This week hath been spent pretty peace- 
 ably J I hope with some increase of bodily strength, 
 and religious improvement. " Take thee again 
 another roll." When I consider the Lord's deal- 
 ings with me from my youth upwards, I am filled 
 with astonishmxcnt, I see no end of. his praise : 
 being early brought out of a state of the greatest 
 
239 
 
 enmity, and favored with some sense of the divine 
 life, I became exceedingly zealous for the truths of 
 Christianity 5 particularly as held forth by the doc- 
 trine and discipline of the people called Quakers, 
 according to their strictest form j and was ap- 
 plauded by many of my fellow-creatures almost as 
 a spotless character, and an example unto others. 
 Whilst in a spirit of self-exaltation I was exclaim- 
 ing, behold my zeal for the Lord of Hosts ! the 
 cleansing of the inside of ^' the #cup and platter" 
 was too much neglected, and with the beam in 
 my own eye, I became an eager observer and re- 
 prover of the motes in the eyes of my brethren : 
 very uneven was my walk : may He who seetli 
 riot as man seeth, be merciful. For the last thirty 
 years of my life, I think very few days have passed 
 without repeated desires after the Lord, and the 
 remembrance of his name, and that salvation which 
 is by the grace of Christ : nevertheless, iniquities 
 have still grievously prevailed against me. All my 
 life I have been comparatively weak in body, but 
 for the last three years the infirmities of old age 
 have come fast upon me, my flesh and my strength 
 have failed, and I have been chiefly confined to 
 my solitary chamber ; where at times I have 
 sought with a degree of solicitude for religious 
 improvement ; and that the afflictions of my flesh 
 might through the operations and influencies of 
 that grace which saveth, be a means of producing 
 *^ the peaceable fruits of righteousness :'' but for 
 want of constant watchfulness and walking in tlie 
 
230 
 
 divine light, in which only is the power, even 
 there satan, has intruded ; and I have fallen into 
 many inconveniencies. How great has been the 
 long-sufFering of the Lord towards me, and his 
 unwearied forbearance ; who has followed me with 
 his calls, and the reproofs of his spirit from early 
 youth, as to the eleventh hour of the day, and 
 the advanced periods of old age, notwithstanding 
 my manifold revoltings from Him ; how justly 
 might he in anger have withdrawn his loving- 
 kindness, and bound me in chains of darkness 
 *' to the judgment of the great day ;" but I hope 
 he hath not so dealt with me : His ways are not 
 as the ways of men, who mark the failings of their 
 fellow-creatures with a rigorous severity, and often 
 exact from them the utmost farthing. Since the 
 last severe attack of disease on the 28th of last 
 month, I hope some degree of spiritual exercise 
 has been supported ; and some internal sensation 
 of Him, who is invisible, experienced. May he 
 who only hath the power, rebuke the spoiler for 
 his own name's sake ; that before I go hence, a 
 further knowledge may be obtained of the Lord 
 God and the Lamb, whom to know is life eternal. 
 Amen, During the course of the present week, 
 I have frequently meditated on various passages 
 contained in the 3d chapter of the Lamentations of 
 Jeremiah the prophet, which 1 judged suitable to 
 my late and present state. Blessed be the Lord 
 for the words which are written. 
 
 25. In the evening I suffered compunction, 
 
231 
 
 because a degree of petulance prevailed 5 when 
 shall I be saved from the sin vi^hich so easily besets 
 me, by the blood of the Lamb ? who on all occa- 
 sions " committed himself to him, that judgeth 
 righteously/' 
 
 Twelfth Month, 1787. 
 
 I. This day, my soul sought for the preser- 
 vation of prayer and peace, but satan was also at 
 my right hand to resist me. In the evening I was 
 agreeably affected in reading and meditating on 
 the 40th chapter of Isaiah, a sublime portion of 
 oriental or rather of sacred oratory ; bearing such 
 evincing proofs of its Divine Original, as hath a 
 strong tendency to confirm the weak and trem- 
 bling believer, in the faith of the only true God, 
 and Jesus Christ whom he hath sent 5 and to cor- 
 rect the arrogance and futility of sceptical suspi- 
 cions. I had frequently before read this chapter, 
 without being so fully sensible of its peculiar ex- 
 cellence : the scripture of itself is dead, unless 
 inspired by the Lord, the spirit, from whom it 
 proceeded, with fresh light and unction. 
 
 4. A low day both in body and mind, and in 
 distress for not having been more obsequient to 
 the monitions of that wisdom and grace, which 
 ** is profitable to direct." 
 
 6. This day I have been much afEicted with a 
 difficulty in breathing, an awful sensation 5 may 
 
232 
 
 my looking amidst my many and diversified cala- 
 mities be to Him, in whose hand only is the 
 breath of life. 
 
 8. My mind was preserved for the most part 
 of the day, in a good degree of calmness and sere- 
 nity 'y often remembering the gracious monition 
 and declaration of the Lord Jesus to his immediate 
 followers, '^ Ask, and it shall be given you : seek, 
 and ye shall find: knock, and it shall be opened 
 unto you : for every one that asketh, receiveth ; 
 he that seeketh, findeth; and to him that knock- 
 eth, it shall be opened :'' and now the Lord Jesus 
 Christ is ascended on high, the power remains 
 with him; and all the promises are in him, yea, 
 and Amen for ever. 
 
 19. '* Be ye therefore perfect, even as your 
 Father which is in heaven is perfect/' Mat. v. 48. 
 *' Be ye holy, for I am holy," i Pet. i. 16. I was 
 sincerely desirous to perfect '' holiness in the fear 
 of God ;" difficulties and defects were not want- 
 ing, nevertheless, I hope some degree of victory 
 was experienced, by and through Him, who that 
 he might sanctify his people, suffered for them 
 without the gate. 
 
 20. I came from Hartford to London pretty 
 peaceably, with an unexpected increase of bodily 
 strength. 
 
 23. I went to the Park meeting in trepidation 
 of spirit, not having been in any place set apart for 
 worship since the 28th day of the Tenth month ; 
 but I soon became measurably recollected by the 
 
233 
 
 revival of an apostolic injunction, " Draw nigh 
 to God, and he will draw nigh to you : resist the 
 devil, and he will flee from you." 
 
 24. In the evening, I remembered the awful 
 and stupendous preservations I have experienced 
 from my youth to the present day ; which have 
 been of God, and not of man : may my mind be 
 impressed with a proper sense of them, for the 
 few hours which remain. 
 
 25. Being the day called Christmas day ; very 
 dark and cloudy in respect to weather, but rather 
 placid within 5 for the most part of the day expe- 
 riencing desires after the knowledge of the only 
 true God, and Jesus Christ whom he hath sent 5 
 neither was much condemnation attendant. 
 
 29. During the present week, I have not been 
 without desires after that spiritual improvement 
 which is by the grace of Christ ; but my dear 
 wife having been for the most part indisposed, 
 anxieties have arisen, which have too much inter- 
 rupted the fruits of that righteousness which are 
 sown in peace. 
 
 30. Early in the Park meeting-house, the gra- 
 cious promises to, and dealings with, the blind, 
 the lame, the halt and the maimed, became the 
 subject of my meditation, as a seed sown in weak- 
 ness ; according to the words which are written, 
 viz. " I will bring the blind by a way that they 
 knew not, I will lead them in paths that they 
 have not known : I will make darkness light before 
 them.'* The lame shall leap as an hart, the 
 
 'd^- 
 
 W' 
 
934 
 
 tongue of the dumb shall sing, and in the wilder- 
 ness streams shall break forth. Although the 
 stream was small, I hope some increase of the 
 waters was experienced. Afterwards a short and 
 well connected testimony was delivered by our 
 friend A. C. I hope a favored season to myself 
 and others. 
 
 31. On the commencement of the present 
 year, I adopted in sincerity the petition of Jabez^ 
 ** Keep me from evil that it may not grieve me." 
 I. then little expected to have been in the body at 
 the close of the year, but the works and wonders 
 of the Almighty have been marvellously displayed, 
 both in mercy and judgment, and I look upon my 
 present state of existence, a miracle of mercy. 
 On the 22d of the Tenth month *^ the king of 
 terrors'' seemed with irresistible power to invade 
 my habitation, but for a season he was repelled ; 
 during that part of the ensuing year which may be 
 allotted me, may my looking be continually to 
 ijim, who hath the " keys of death and of hell," 
 the Shepherd of Israel, who neither sleeps by day> 
 nqr slumbers by night ; but who is God over all, 
 blessed for ever, to whom be glory for ever. 
 A,men. 
 
 FiRST Month, 1788. 
 
 . 9. I set the Lord before me all the day long,, 
 that I might not offend against him. 
 
 10. The reverse to yesterday, paiticuiarly in 
 
235 
 
 the Iatter^part of the day j I was wantnig in pa- 
 tience. 
 
 28. A distressed and disturbed night ; after an. 
 absence of six months, I found an inclination to 
 attend once more the forenoon meeting at Hart- 
 ford j I went in much bowedness of spirit, but 
 was enabled to sit until the close, not without 
 some sense of the Lord, who healeth ; and who 
 formerly commanded the people to be still, and 
 know that he was God. 
 
 30. I had more ciuiet and undisturbed repose 
 than for many months past, and was measurably 
 tliankful for the benefit ; nevertheless, in the 
 morning some unprofitable words were spoken ; 
 afterwards a pretty quiet and peaceable day, 
 attended with some searchings of heart after Him, 
 who ^^ giveth his beloved, sleep." 
 
 31, This was a pretty peaceable and satis- 
 factory day throughout. " If we walk in the light'^ 
 as God is light, we have peace one with another ; 
 thanks to the Prince of Peace : *^ if He giveth 
 quietness, who then can make trouble?''' and when 
 He hideth his face, who theri can behold him i 
 v/hether it be done against a nation, or against a 
 man only." 
 
 Second Month, 1788. 
 
 2. In the evening, these words were suggested, 
 viz. Great is the power and goodness of God ; 
 ^' for since the beginning of the world, men hav« 
 
S30 
 
 not heard, nor perceived by the ear, neither hath 
 the eye seen/' *' what he hath prepared for him, 
 that waiteth for him." 
 
 3. Was a day of disappointments and cross 
 occurrences, which were not endured with due 
 patience nor acquiescence in His will, without 
 whom, not a sparrow falleth. If the Lord was set 
 always before us it would have a great tendency 
 to smooth the rugged paths of human life, and 
 to render us more placid and agreeable to those 
 with whom we may have to do. 
 
 4. I attended the forenoon meeting with some 
 degree of bodily strength, but with little sense of 
 the spirit m hich quickens. 
 
 13. I set out from Hartford in such debili- 
 tation, I seemed scarce likely to reach Tooley- 
 street in the body ; but my life and strength was 
 wonderfully preserved by Him, who looseth the 
 bands of death, and delivereth those who are 
 ready to die. 
 
 16. This day, part of the last words of David 
 the son of Jesse, were much in my remembrance, 
 viz. ** Although my house be not so with God; 
 yet he hath made with me an everlasting covenant, 
 ordered in all things and sure : for this is all 
 my salvation, and all my desire, although he make 
 it not to grow." The earthly tabernacle has 
 been assailed with a long continued series of 
 adversity ; and for want of walking with a steady 
 pace in the divine light of which I have long made 
 a profession, my distressed spirit is far from that 
 
237 
 
 purity and perfection which is proposed by the 
 gospel of Christ; yet at times, some sense is im- 
 parted of the virtue of an everlasting covenant, and 
 some distillations of the mercies which fail not, 
 are experienced, which passes through the vail, 
 by the everlasting arms which are underneath. 
 
 22. I remembered the bush burned and was not 
 consumed ; when the Lord, because of sin, ren- 
 ders his rebukes with flaming fire, there is still 
 mercy with him, that he may be feared. 
 
 23 . This day I met with unusual provocations 
 from some which were w^ithout ; by means of 
 them, I deviated from the meekness of Christ 
 Jesus, " who, when he was reviled, reviled not 
 again ; wdien he suffered, he threatened not 5 but 
 coi)irnitted himself to Him, that judgeth righ- 
 teously." 
 
 27. This day I was preserved in a tolerable de- 
 gree of peace, under some sense of that sparing 
 and forbearing mercy which fails not, and of tliat 
 love which is stronger than death. 
 
 Third Month, 1788. 
 
 I. This week my bodily strength hath been 
 much diminished ; nevertheless, a remembrance of 
 the bush that burned and was not consumed, hath 
 at divers times with a degree of strength and con- 
 solation been impressed. " I will now turn aside, 
 and see this great sight, why the bush is not 
 
23» 
 
 burned/' saith the prophet formerly ; and un- 
 doubtedly he not only beheld with his bodily 
 eyes that wonderful manifestation, but likewise 
 understood the mystical and spiritual signification 
 of the same , and its accomplishment by the 
 great prophet like unto him, concerning whom it 
 is written, '' And a man shall be as an hiding 
 place from the wind, and a covert from the tem^ 
 pest : as rivers of water in a dry place, as the 
 shadow of a great rock in a weary land." Oh ! 
 may I be hid as under the sacred pavilion of his 
 power, in the tremendous hour of inquisition 
 for blood. Amen. 
 
 8. Since I returned to Hartford my bodily 
 strength has been measurably increased •, but un- 
 profitable words have too frequently prevailed: 
 *' I am troubled, I am bowed down, I go mourning 
 all the day long." They who boast themselv-es in 
 a vain shew, and speak peace to themselves in their 
 secret sins, shall surely be confounded in the day 
 when the Lord shall sit in judgment, and make 
 inquisition for the blood of his Son : when he 
 shall rise up as in mount Perazim, and be wroth as 
 in the valley of Gibeon, and bring to pass his ter- 
 rible act, who among the sons of pride shall stand 
 before him ? 
 
 21. On hearing my wife read a catalogue of 
 the elders, who obtained a good report, as recorded 
 in the nth chapter of the Hebrews, the chapter 
 immediately following, and the divine evangelical 
 testimony on regeneration, delivered by qui ancieAt 
 
239 
 
 friend Wiliiam Dewsbury, on the new-birth ; I 
 became suddenly affected with a sense of that 
 faith, which is by the operation of God. For above 
 fifty years I have been seeking after a death unto 
 sin, and the Ufe of righteousness ; but woe is me ! 
 I still dwell in Mesech, am stationed in the tents 
 of Kedar : O ! may this day, be as the beginning 
 of that birth which is from above •, for I have ever 
 esteemed and still esteem myself a beginner in 
 the way of the spirit ; and that the seed now 
 sown in debilitation, even as a grain of mustard 
 seed, may by the irradiating emanations of the sun 
 of righteousness, arise in dominion until mortality 
 is swallowed up of life, even so. Amen. 
 
 23. S. F. and J. C. were with us in the even- 
 ing ; the young people read the narratives re- 
 corded, respectively, by the evangelists, concerning 
 the resurrection of the Lord Christ ; who died for 
 our sins, and ^^ became the first fruits of them 
 that slept/' 
 
 27. I went with my wife to Lackington's, 
 where I unexpectedly met with a late publication, 
 entitled, the Messiah, by John Newton j contain- 
 ing many pious sentiments, with a just censure of 
 that vile and insolent mockery of the Father, the 
 Son, and the sacred writings, stiled the Oratorio. 
 Although iny eyes are now v/axed dim, and my 
 strength and flesh have failed, yet I delight not 
 only '' in the law of God after the inward man,'' 
 but likewise in those words and letters which 
 have in any degree proceeded therefrom 5 yea, I 
 
no 
 
 seek them with a solicitude somewhat similar to 
 that which the sons of this world seek for hidden 
 treasures. The w^eakest and most trembling leaves 
 of the tree of life are '* for the heaiinor of the 
 
 o 
 
 nations*" 
 
 28, For two or three days past, my bodily 
 strength has very undeservedly and unexpectedly 
 been measurably increased ; I hope not without 
 some increasing concern for an increase of that 
 faith in Christ, which worketh by love, to the puri- 
 fication of the heart, the expiation of iniquity, and 
 the washing the whole body of our affections by 
 the blood of sprinkling. Lord, I would believe, 
 *' help thou mine unbelief j" thou only canst do 
 it, by the operation of thy grace, and tlie word of 
 thy power ! 
 
 Fourth Month, 1788. 
 
 6. A day " of rebuke, of blasphemy/* and 
 of treading dovv'^n in the valley of vision. My heart 
 seemed filled with enmity; but is there not One, 
 who is able to destroy the enmity, and break down 
 the wall of separation ? yea, verily there is ; he 
 hath already done it in his ov/n person without us, 
 when the vail *^ was rent in twain, from the top 
 to the bottom,'' the dead were raised, the earth 
 was shaken, and covered with darkness from the 
 sixth to the ninth hour ; and He remains equally 
 able to achieve these mighty acts by his power 
 
241 
 
 within us; for power belongs to lilm ; and by 
 whom shall it be said to the Almighty, what doest 
 thou ? In the evening, I heard read some portions 
 of the book of Job, very correspondent with my 
 own afflicted state ; also some part of Newton's 
 Messiah. 
 
 7. This day was passed pretty peaceably, and 
 not without some searchings of heart for the rend- 
 ing the vail, and removing the enmity ; by the 
 power of an endless life, and ^* the blood of 
 sprinkling, which speaketh better things than that 
 of Abel." 
 
 14. I once more sat under the roof of friends 
 meeting house, near Devonshire-square, it being 
 the quarterly meeting there.; although my sitting '^. 
 w^as but short, I was not wholly destitute of some 
 glances towards the Helper of Israel, and thank- 
 fulness for the unexpected favor of Him, whose 
 
 *' hand is stretched out still," both in mercy and 
 judgment: O may his mercies overspread his 
 judgment-seat ! otherwise, the most righteous 
 among the sons of men, must unavoidably perish 
 from before him. 
 
 15. I was agreeably visited by John Miller, 
 some time being spent in silence, with a sense of 
 the advantage and great benefit of internal recol- 
 lection, and that prayer which is in the spirit ; 
 though peradventure through mental and corpo- 
 real weakness, it may be maintained but for a 
 short space ; yet, it sometimes leaves something 
 of a supernatural savour, as it is written, *^ I 
 
 L 
 
§42 
 
 rose up to open to my beloved/' or I looked to- 
 wards him, " but my beloved had withdrawn 
 himself and was gonej'* nevertheless, ^' my hands 
 dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet- 
 smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock." I 
 afterwards heard some other portions of that mys- 
 tical song of songs, which was Solomon's. A 
 peaceable day; praise to the Preserver of men. 
 
 21. A pretty peaceable and quiet day; not 
 passed without some seekings after divine favor, 
 and that righteousness which is by faith, in the 
 light and life of Christ Jesus. 
 
 25. Friend B. visited us in the afternoon ; he 
 ^_^ spake many words, being mighty in the letter and 
 
 ' WF form of godliness ; yet, I am persuaded he is not 
 destitute of the spirit of that kingdom, which the 
 Lord compared to the least of seeds which are 
 sown. 
 
 26. Great weakness in the flesh ; in the spirit, 
 some desires after salvation by faith in Christ. 
 
 27. I was in the outward room of the meet- 
 ing-house, in the early part I remembered the 
 prophetic call, ^* Seek ye the Lord v/hile he may 
 be found ;" the plain practical testimonies of 
 Holy writ are oftener renewed in my mind, than 
 such as may be esteemed more lofty and sublime ; 
 though the latter are worthy of all acceptation, 
 and despised by none but fools. M. P. had after- 
 wards an acceptable time in testimony ; she re- 
 commended a daily perusal of the Scriptures, a 
 practice in which many members in our Society 
 
24S 
 
 are grievously deficient; pluming themselves on a 
 profession of inward light and a partial confor- 
 mity to certain religious and moral precepts ; 
 whilst their spirits are light as chaff and dead as a 
 door nail, respecting a real experience of that 
 light and grace which saveth ; as it is written, 
 *^ if the light (or profession of the light) that is in 
 thee be darkness, how great is that darkness." 
 
 28. A warm day, and passed I hope not without 
 some irradiations from the sun of righteousness. 
 
 Fifth Month, 1788. 
 
 3. This week, I have been favored with an 
 unexpected increase of bodily strength, and a de- 
 gree of that peace I have been so long seeking 
 after. Religious reading and recollection have 
 not been wholly unattended to ; but a lion has 
 been frequently in the w^ay, and various interrup- 
 tions have evinced the leanness of my spirit. 
 From all I have seen in myself and fellow-men 
 both in respect to body and mind, it has plainly 
 appeared that man is not in the state he was, 
 when his Almighty Maker saw that every thing 
 he had made was good ; but an enemy has been 
 permitted to vSow tares, and deface the beautiful 
 image in which the creatures were formed : al- 
 though I decline the epithet of original sin, as not 
 found in the bible, but first adopted in the ages of 
 apostatical darkness j I am convinced by an evi- 
 
244 
 
 dence wliicli bafHes all the power of argument, 
 /* that the whole creation groaneth" in pain, under 
 •' the bondage of its corruption," and particularly 
 that man is absolutely destitute of original recti- 
 tude^ and prone to sin and misery, ** as the sparks 
 fly upward \' having a natural aversion to the iaw 
 which is light, and the commandment which is a 
 lamp, his thoughts being evil continually ; accord- 
 ing Xo that which is written, '' by one man sin 
 entered into the Vvorld, and death by sin ; and so 
 death passeth upon all men, for that all have 
 sinned." In the evening, some unnecessary words 
 were spoken, which I v/as sorry for. 
 
 4. I passed an hour in the forenoon meeting 
 at Hartford, I remembered divers passages in holy 
 writ, and particularly wrestling Jacob, and the 
 princely prevalence of wliich he was made a par- 
 taker ; he wrestled not by any might or holiness of 
 his own, but under the influence of him, whom the 
 Father ever heareth, who was set up from everlast- 
 ing. If in our assemblies, there were more such 
 wrestlers with the angel of the everlasting cove- 
 nant, there would be more tremblers, and our 
 practice would be more consonant with our pro- 
 fession : may this exercise increase and be multi- 
 phed among us. Amen. 
 
 8. In the evening at the Park meeting; the 
 ministry was low, but there seemed to be some 
 solemnity and profit in silence. 
 
 ,10. This week, I have seemed to be sensibly 
 solicitous for that peace within and without^ 
 
which I have been so long seeking after, and 
 sorry for my deficiencies in that respect. All 
 boasting is justly excluded 5 we have nothing bvt 
 what we have received : nevertheless, the follow- 
 ing testimonies of holy writ are not annulled by 
 the grace of the gospel, viz. " If thou dost not 
 well, sin lieth at the door," Gen. iv: 7. ** There is 
 no peace saith my God to the wicked." Isaiah Ivii. 
 21. '^If ye love me, keep my commandments," 
 John xiv. 15. *^* Tribulation and anguish upon every 
 soul of nian that doth evil,'' Rom. ii. 9. These 
 testimonies are not proposed, as they are by too 
 many, to establish a covenant of works, or in the 
 least to frustrate or detract from the grace of our 
 Lord Jesus Christ, and that free unmerited salvation 
 which is only by and through him ; but rather aii 
 a renewed check to antlnomianism, and the vain 
 efforts of those, who forming an unscriptural dis- 
 tinction betwixt justification and sanctification, 
 would render the latter a work of supererogation ; 
 make void that part of the analogy of faith and 
 canons of Holy Scripture, by separating the truths 
 which God hath joined together, by a decree as 
 irrefragable as the everlasting mountains. 
 
 24. I have divers times both before I rose, 
 and on other parts of the day, expressed inter- 
 nally, tho^e words which are called the Lord's 
 prayer, endeavouring to chew the cud on the 
 important petitions proposed ; remembering the 
 declaration of the pious Archbishop of Cambray, 
 that whatever draws our minds nearer to God is 
 good for us. L 3 
 
f46 
 
 25. Some laborious exercise of spirit was ex- 
 perienced at Devonshire-house in the forenoon 
 meeting. 
 
 30. In the forenoon, after having heard some 
 portions of the Holy Scriptures read, I was sud- 
 denly favored with that sense of the internal pre- 
 sence of the Supreme Being, which imparts peace 
 to the distressed, and pardon to the poor, through 
 the blood of the everlasting covenant. I eoukl 
 for a season adopt the prophetical language, the 
 I.ord is good to them who wait upon him. 
 
 Sixth Month, 1788. 
 
 I . In the forenoon meeting at Hartford, I was 
 repeatedly assailed with heaviness, which was 
 resisted : some internal labour towards the angel 
 of the everlasting covenant was experienced; 
 various passages in Holy writ were presented, par- 
 ticularly the narrative of the men of David, who 
 wrought so wonderously, because of their love and 
 fidelity to the Lord's anointed ; the angel of the 
 everlasting covenant v/as their sword, their spear, 
 and their battle axe. 
 
 9. In the forenoon I was assailed by turbulence, 
 but was measurably preserved from its baneful 
 influence ; not by any power or holiness of my 
 own, but by the Angel of the everlasting covenant, 
 who encampeth around those who fear him, and 
 in the hour of difficulty and danger look towards 
 
217 
 
 liim, under a deep sense of their own debility 
 either to do good, or resist evil. Upon the whole 
 rather a favored day , thanks to the Preserver of 
 men ! 
 
 14. During the course of the last week, and^ 
 for many preceding, I have had abundant cause to 
 adopt the words of the preacher, viz. ** Vanity of 
 vanities, vanity of vanities — all is vanity." Only 
 a few feeble feelings after Him, who dwelleth in 
 the light, to whom immortality only belongs, 
 have been daily renewed in my spirit as a seed 
 sown in weakness ; yea, as the least of all seeds is 
 my only good 5 but " the Lord God omnipotent 
 reigneth." 
 
 15. Rather a sabbatical forenoon •, I remem- 
 bered the words which are written concerning the 
 type, ^' the Lord blessed the sabbath day j" the 
 evening was depressed and darksome. 
 
 29. A quiet peaceable day. There is a com- 
 fort and satisfaction in conducting ourselves in a 
 manner comporting with the dictates of the gospel, 
 and those convictions which we suppose to be 
 those of the truth in our consciences, that surpasseth 
 knowledge, and abundantly excels the increase of 
 corn, wine, or oil *, therefore as on the one hand, 
 let none hope for final acceptation by their ov/n 
 works, or a bare external rectitude ; so on the 
 other, let none suppose an internal pursuit of purity 
 and perfection, to be low, legal, or unevangelical, 
 inasmuch as He who suffered without the gate» 
 sanctified himself for our sakesj^ and "he that 
 
 L4 
 
248 
 
 sanctifieth, and they who are sanctified, are all of' 
 One.' 
 
 Seventh Month, 1788. 
 
 4. A comfortable, placid morning, my soul 
 measurably participated the pleasures of peace and 
 love. 
 
 5. During the latter part of this week turbu- 
 lence hath prevailed, more grievously than in 
 many preceding months : these evils arise from 
 the want of a due attention to the monitions of 
 truth, viz. *' Watch ye and pray alv/ays:" "be 
 vigilant, (or constantly watchful) because your 
 adversary die devil, as a roaring Hon, walketh 
 about, seeking whom he may devour/' '^ Who- 
 soever is born of God, doth not commit sin ; 
 for his seed remaineth in him ; and he cannot sin, 
 because he is born of God." To them who abide 
 in the seed in which the dominion is, and who 
 walk in the Hght, there is no occasion of stumbling ; 
 to them, the goings forth of Jehoyah are prepared 
 as the morning, and his returns as the former and 
 the latter rain : but w^oe is me ! because of sin, 
 I am cast out of his sight; nevertheless, I will 
 look again towards his holy temple. 
 
 6. At the forenoon meeting I repeatedly remem- 
 bered these words, "It is of the Lord's mercies 
 that we are not consumed :" I am a monument of 
 his mercy. 
 
 ,7. At the sitting before the monthly meeting, 
 the words which are written, viz. " I will look 
 
249 
 
 again towards thy holy temple," were the subject 
 of my meditations. 
 
 8. One morning this week, I went to sleep in 
 much distress ; but instead of being terrified by 
 dreams and scared through visions, I remembered 
 the patriarch Jacob, who pursuing his perilous 
 journey from Beer-sheba towards Padan-aram, 
 took the stones for his pillow in the night season, 
 and beheld a ladder which reached from heaven 
 to the earth. Waking, I was rather refreshed, 
 and enlightened to look towards the God of Jacob, 
 and of ail the holy patriarchs and apostles, which 
 have been since the world began. I have also 
 been entertained and edified in the hearing of some 
 discourses of John Arnt, and Anthony William 
 Boehm, two enlightened ministers of Christ Jesus j 
 who, avoiding the two erroneous extremes of Cal- 
 vinism and arminianism, principally insisted in 
 their ministry on the fall of the first Adam and 
 his wretched posterity ; and their recovery by the 
 second Adam, the Lord from heaven, the quick- 
 ening spirit, who, by the efficacy of his atoning 
 blood and spiritual influence, redeems from the 
 law of isin and death ; according to that which is 
 written, *^ By man came death, by man came also 
 the resurrection of the dead : for as in Adam all 
 die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive." 
 
 20. I sat in the forenoon meeting in much 
 
 languor and distress of mind ; the lifelessness and 
 
 formality of those assembled, seemed to spread 
 
 with a darkness that might indeed be felt : in 
 
 L5 
 
250 
 
 vain do they pretend to worship tlie God and 
 Father of light and spirits, only in exterior forms 
 and by the rudiments of men : my eyes also 
 affected my heart, in the beholding the exterior 
 gaiety and fantastical habits of many, whose coun- 
 tenances witnessed against them, and declared the 
 iniquity of their hearts*, appearing in their outward 
 forms more like unto the haughty daughters of 
 Zion, than the disciples of a suffering Saviour, 
 gathered together in his name, to worship the 
 Father in the bowedness of their spirits. 
 
 Eighth Month, 1788. 
 
 2. In tlie evening sitting at my own door, this 
 testimony, ahliough not literally contained in holy 
 Scripture, viz. that which is to be known of God 
 is manifest in man, was impressed on my mind, 
 together with the sufficiency of that divine anoint- 
 ing which ^' is truth and is no lie.'' O ! may my 
 mind for the few hours remaining, closely attend 
 on the light within ; that I may experience a 
 daily application of the blood and merits of Him, 
 in whom is life, and whose life is the light of 
 men j as it is written, " If we walk in the light," 
 ** the blood of Jesus Christ cleanseth us from all 
 sin." 
 
 5. Lord I forgive my past petulance, and pre- 
 serve from it for the future : it is the death of 
 prayer. 
 
251 
 
 6. A pretty peaceable and placid day, I hope 
 passed in the fear of the Lord j I was thankful for 
 the favour. 
 
 10. A low sitting in the outward room of the 
 meeting-house ; I was deeply distressed under a 
 painful sense of the spiritual barrenness of those 
 within, sind my own demerits ; I hitherto remain 
 a monument of sparing and forbeariu';- mercy ;. 
 Lord, tliou knowest how long ! 
 
 13. Rather better in my health 5 reviewed the 
 diaries of somie former days, witli desires that at 
 the latest period of human life, I might experience 
 that salvation which is by the grace of our Lord 
 Jesus Christ. 
 
 17. Li some part of the forenoon my feelings 
 were after Plim, who can " save by many or by 
 few j" with whom one day is as a thousand years^ 
 respecting the operations of his power. 
 
 18. I once more left my house at Hartford : 
 after I got out of tlie town, I was enabled to loo,k 
 to the Lord and was enlightened ; his sanctuary 
 is the salvation of Zion ; he can bring through 
 great desolation j he is an only safe hiding place 
 for the poor, and refuge from the storms of the 
 terrible: praises await him in the dust of Zion, 
 I reached London much better than I left Hart- 
 ford. 
 
 20. I can feelingly subscribe to the declarations 
 
 of the Messiah, viz. " That servant which knew 
 
 his Lord's will, and prepared not himself, neither 
 
 did according to his will, shall be beaten with 
 
 L6 
 
252 
 
 many stripes :" these stripes I have sustained from 
 my youth. The Lord is righteous altogether, and 
 will not suffer sin to go unpunished; he will 
 bring every secret work into judgment*, but the 
 mercy seat covers his judgments. Therefore O 
 Lord merciful and just ! cast our iniquities as into 
 the depths of the sen ; redeem the prisoner from 
 the pit, and those who are bound in chains of 
 affliction and iron, from the prison house; raise 
 ** the poor out of the dust, and lift up the beggar 
 from the dunghill,'' to *' inherit the throne of 
 glory ;" that with those who have been redeemed 
 out of great tribulations and washed their gar- 
 ments in the blood of the Lamb, I may behold 
 thy beauty, and celebrate thy praise for ever. 
 Amen, 
 
 22. On the whole a pretty easy and comfort- 
 able day : was visited by one who professed much 
 sympathy with the afflicted in body or mind; a 
 declaration easily delivered, but only experienced 
 by such who are buried by baptism into the death 
 of Him, who suffered, *' the just, for the unjust." 
 29. This afternoon I had a conference with a 
 friend concerning various persons. When we 
 observe any degree of malignity in those with 
 whom we converse, it is necessary carefully to 
 attend the movements of our own spirits, lest 
 something of the same nature should arise in our- 
 selves : hasty replies gender to bondage, and prove 
 as galling wounds to a soul awakened to a sense 
 of its own demerits. That charity which is from 
 
253 
 
 above edifies, and preserves in perfect peace ; but 
 unless the Shepherd of Israel is a wall of fire on 
 the right hand and on the left, we are as easily 
 overcome with the evil propensities of our natures, 
 as the reeds are shaken with the wind . 
 
 30. There has been painfully felt, a deficiency 
 in that peaceful acquiescence in the disposals of 
 Infinite Wisdom, whereby the true believers in 
 Christ, and faithful followers of the Lamb, 
 whithersoever he leads, are enabled to glorify God 
 in the fires, and even to rejoice in their tribula- 
 tions : but alas, how far am I from this. O Thou ! 
 to whom the power only belongs, arise for my 
 help, and scatter the remains of that which is of 
 the earth — earthy *, and beget a life which may 
 live with thee for ever : thine is the kingdom, 
 power and glory, everlastingly. Amen. 
 
 Ninth Month, 1788. 
 
 3 . By reason of an undeserved provocation from 
 a person who I had esteemed in her station, tur- 
 bulence and wrath was too prevalent •, whereby 
 I suffered both m body and mind : I do not know 
 I expressed any thing but a just reprehension of 
 the evil by which I was offended, if it had been in 
 a peaceful mind, and '^ the meekness of wisdom :" 
 Christians ought to be redeemed* not only from 
 . '^ envy and evil speaking,'' but that internal wrath 
 and clamour of spirit, which is prohibited by the 
 gospel. 
 
254 
 
 6. My spasmodic complaints liave been abated : 
 but a tremendous inquiry attends, viz. what have 
 I rendered to the Lord for all his benefits, both 
 corporeal and mental ? multiplied more than the 
 hairs of my head : instead of the voice of me- 
 lody, there has been a cry, because of the oppres- 
 sion of the true seed. 
 
 8. I was, through the course of the day, con- 
 cerned to render to the Lord for his multiplied 
 mercies, by seeking after the cup of hjs salvation ^ 
 I sought to be preserved in peace, by ^' the God 
 of peace •, " of whom are the issues from death : 
 *^ his name is holy throughout all generations *, " 
 praises wait for him in Zion ; to him shall the 
 vow be performed. 
 
 9. A pretty peaceable and quiet day ; vSeeking 
 to perform my vows, and feeling after power for 
 that purpose, for the power belongs to God only ; 
 in our flesh there dwelleth neither strength nor 
 power. 
 
 10. About noon I set out for Hartford, dined 
 at Waltham-Cross, and reached Hartford much 
 better than I expected. The kindness of lYiy 
 friends and neighbours were liberally conferred, 
 on my return once more amongst them. 
 
 23. In the evening this petition filled nxy 
 spirit, viz. '' O Thou preserver of men •, '' thou 
 saviour of Israel in time of trouble ; be thou 
 graciously with me through this night's life or 
 death ! My request was answered in the multitude 
 of the Lord's mercies* 
 
255 
 
 0,6, I received a little degree of strength, tliougli 
 comparatively not bigger than a man's hand, to 
 look tovrards Him, '' w^ho quickeneth the dead, 
 and calleth those things which be not, as though 
 they were." 
 
 27. Before I rose, I remembered with a degree 
 of freshness, a gracious declaration in the evange- 
 lical prophet, viz. " The Lord God hath given me 
 the tongue of the learned, that I should know 
 how to speak a word in season to him that is 
 weary : he awakeneth morning by morning : he 
 wakeneth mine ear to hear as the learned," " nei- 
 ther turned I away back." Our happiness arises 
 from not turning away from the awakenings of 
 Him, who speaketh not as man speaketh; but 
 whose voice is altogether lovely. A pretty quiet 
 day, passed in a sense of my manifold desolations^ 
 and some desires after the grace which saveth* 
 
 Tenth Month, 1788. 
 
 4. Grievous visions have been before me, of a 
 final separation from the beatific vision of the 
 Lamb, who dwells in the midst of the throne j 
 but let the Judge of all the earth deal with me as 
 he may see meet ; I have only to lay my hand 
 upon my mouth, for he is righteous altogether. 
 In respect to my fellow men, unrighteousness 
 hath not been in my heart, nor iniquity in my 
 hands j I have sought no increase of the unrigh- 
 
256 
 
 teous mammon, but have been rather desirous 
 that many might be partakers of the benefit : 
 bulky and ostentatious donations have been de- 
 dined, rather from the persuasion of humiHty than 
 avarice : verily, these righteousnesses have their 
 reward ; but in respect to a final acceptation v/ith 
 the Supreme Being, they ought only to be esteemed 
 -as filthy rags : our dependance ought only to be 
 on ** the blood of the everlasting covenant,'' and 
 interior operations of the spirit that worketh in 
 us, both to will and to do, according to his own 
 good pleasure. 
 
 7. For some days past, in much pain of body 
 and debilitation of spirit, I have been through 
 grace enabled to look to Him, who is " the re- 
 pairer of the breach, the restorer of paths ; '' 
 and only able to destroy the enmity, and break 
 down the wall of partition, by the blood of his 
 cross. The cross of Christ ought to be considered 
 not distinctively, but rather adjunctively, with re- 
 spect to his sufi'erings and blood-shedding on the 
 tree of the cross without the gales of Jerusalem ; 
 when he suffered the just for the unjust, and- the 
 operations of his light, grace and spirit within us, 
 by which it only effectually becomes ^' the power 
 of God unto salvation." 
 
 II. It is in my heart to leave behind me a 
 testimony to the truth. In my youth, when dead 
 in trespasses and sins, and walking according to 
 the course of this world, although in my infancy 
 educated in an esteem of those precious testimo- 
 
257 
 
 nies borne by George Fox, and his fellow-labour- 
 ers, to plainness of dress and address, I contemned 
 them in my heart, and departed from them in 
 practice. When I was awakened to a sense of 
 my lost and miserable estate without a Saviour, 
 I embraced them with all acceptation in their 
 strictest forms, and have not since deviated from 
 them, either in sentiment or practice, not for an 
 hour : they are of God, and will be established in 
 the earth, when " the crown of pride" shall be 
 cast down, and the glory of all flesh abased. 
 Nevertheless, let none who by the influence of 
 education, or any other means, invariably adhere 
 to them, glory in, or value themselves upon a bare 
 exterior conformity to these truths ; while the 
 inner man of their heart is full of pride, self pre- 
 ference, and ravening after the unrighteous mam- 
 mon. 
 
 13. This morning, that gracious annunciation 
 of Jehovah was illustrated in my view, viz. " Let 
 the wilderness and the cities thereof lift up their 
 voice, the villages that Kedar doth inhabit.'' I 
 attended at the quarterly meeting at Devonshire 
 House ; I was thankful for the favor : our worthy 
 friend G. D. and others, had acceptable testi- 
 monies. After dinner, by the provoking conduct 
 of some, who would have been by men esteemed 
 my inferiors, and to whom I had behaved with a 
 parental tenderness and affection, passion prevail- 
 ed ; and I suffered for my sin. Lord ! who can 
 bear the unkindness and ingratitude of their fellow 
 
258 
 
 creatures ? none but those who are armed "with 
 the same mind which was in Christ Jesus, ** who 
 when he was reviled, reviled not again 5 and when 
 he suffered, he threatened not;'' but committed 
 his cause to Him, that judgeth righteously. Our 
 great Master and only perfect Exemplar, conversed 
 with such publicans and sinners as the self-exalted 
 Pharisees despised ; yea, he ate and drank with 
 them, and shall such as we are, justify ourselves, 
 and despise others, because of some exterior evils 
 from which we may suppose ourselves clear ? I 
 verily believe self preference, and the despising of 
 others, are as detestable as more open immoralities, 
 in the sight of Him, who seeth not as man •, but 
 who searcheth the heart, and in his own time, will 
 make inquisition for secret sins. 
 
 14. This day was passed in deploring my own 
 defects, and distance from the tnarh, 
 
 16. In the evening I received my common- 
 place book, containing select passages of the Old 
 and New Testament, accurately performed by 
 J. C. In the selection of them I was wonderfully 
 favored, considering my debilitated state of body 
 and mind ; may their testimonies prove as watch- 
 words to the weary, and my instruction in right- 
 eousness. 
 
 19. Opening my bible accidentally on the xxxth 
 of Jeremiah, I perused the gracious promises con- 
 tained therein, with some savour and spiritual ap- 
 plication. A quiet and peaceable day, with some 
 internal longings after the Saviour of Zion, who 
 
$59 
 
 turueth her captivity " as the streams in the 
 south." 
 
 20. Favored with an unexpected increase of 
 bodily strength. May I, by the grace of God, be 
 enabled to lay aside all malice and envy. Lord ! 
 teach me to love my enemies, persecutors, and 
 those who have contemptuously treated me; ** thine 
 is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever. 
 Amen." Upon the whole the day passed without 
 much condemnation. 
 
 21. In the evening we were acceptably visited 
 by our esteemed friends G. D. M. G. and S. R. : 
 during a testimony delivered by G. D. and a con- 
 siderable space of silence; seeking after recol- 
 lection of spirit, and adherence to the great 
 Teacher, I remembered the testimony of that deep 
 traveller, in the interior walk, Michael de Molinos> 
 viz. ^' That the spirit of prayer might be sup- 
 ported, amidst a vast variety of adverse and con- 
 trary cogitations, as the desires of the heart are 
 lifted up to Him, who knoweth the mind of the 
 spirit." So in internal recollection, the soul 
 though driven about as with fierce winds, like unto 
 the iron attracted by the magnet, returns to the 
 centre; and an acceptable s icrifice from " a people 
 whose land the rivers have spoiled,'* is brought to 
 the Lord of Hosts in Mount Zlon. 
 
 24. How absurd it is to be discomposed at 
 what we may esteem unkind treatment from our 
 fellow creatures, whose mistakes we ought to 
 overlook, and to forgive even as we would be for- 
 
$60 
 
 given ; which is one part of what is called the 
 golden rule •, even to do by others, as we would 
 they should do by us. None of the sons of fallen 
 Adam can attain hereto^ only by the prevalence of 
 Him, who "is able to subdue all things unto him- 
 self/' and to bring every emotion of the mind into 
 captivity to Christ. 
 
 25. I was wuth E. Millis at Martin's le Grand, 
 and reviewed the ground on which I v/as early 
 favored with a sense of the divine presence. O ! 
 that I had been faithful to the religious monitions 
 which were then imparted ; then would my peace 
 have been as a river, and the righteousness of 
 Christ within me, *' as the waves of the sea/' 
 Indeed my mind has been since, almost daily ex- 
 ercised in seeking after the Lord ; and I hope in 
 various instances, my concern has been for the 
 good of my fellow creatures. 
 
 31. I set out once more for my residence at 
 Hartford, with some affiance on the Shepherd of 
 Israel; who neither slumbers nor sleeps ; but 
 whose merciful eye guideth " the poor of the 
 flock," and shineth on the seed of Jacob from be- 
 tween the cherubims. I was strengthened on my 
 journey 5 reached home in a degree of competent 
 strength, found my friends and assistants in health, 
 and received fresh instances of their fidelity and 
 attention. *^ What shall I render to the Lord for 
 ail his benefits" and mercies multiplied more than 
 the sand ? May I be enabled with due resignation, 
 to receive the cup lie may be pleased to hand 
 
231 
 
 forth, either in mercy or judgment j to *^ give un- 
 to the Lord the glory due unto his name," and to 
 worship him in the beauty of holiness : I am not 
 worthy of the least of his mercies ; righteousness 
 telongs to him, but to me there only belongs 
 blushing and confusion of face. 
 
 Eleventh Month, 1788. 
 
 r . This week I have been in a state of distress, 
 and anxiety. Some have in their hearts imagined 
 evil things against me, and with their tongues they 
 have uttered mistakes : Lord ! enable me from my 
 heart to forgive them, even as I would be forgiven 
 by thee, to whom I am indebted in more than ten 
 thousand times ^* ten thousand talents ; " and in 
 a particular manner an individual, by whom I 
 have been treated with great ingratitude and con- 
 tempt: I know that to me as a son of fallen 
 Adam, this is impossible; but all things are pos- 
 sible with thee, the work is thine, and the po\ver 
 is thine •, in this particular, may thy own works 
 praise thee in time and eternity. Amen. 
 
 2. A quiet and peaceable day ; thanks to the 
 " Prince of Peace," who is our peace, and from 
 whom -only our ^peace proceeds ; a%:cording to 
 that which^is written, ^M?eace I leave with youj 
 my peace I give unto you." 
 
 4. In the evening I was much tendered in 
 iplxit, by hearing my wife read the stupendgus 
 
262 
 
 account of our blessed Redeemer's raising Lazarus 
 from the dead. 
 
 5. My nephew W, P. D. assisted me in the 
 penmanship of a sympathetic epistle to my 
 esteemed friend S. R. on account of the decease 
 of her companion Mary Gurney ; a loss justly to 
 be deplored by the church militant in general, and 
 her in particular. Our deceased friend was one 
 of them concerning whom the Spirit formerly de- 
 clared, ^' that the righteous is taken away from the 
 evil to come ; " for whom there is no cause to 
 sorrow, as those who are without hope *, inasmuch 
 as they have an everlasting interest in the hope of 
 their glory, and are uninterruptedly entered into 
 that rest, which remains for the people of God. 
 In the evening my mind was in a placid state, 
 feeling forgiveness for others, with some hope of 
 t>eing forgiven myself. 
 
 6. This day I was measurably preserved under 
 some sense of " the blood of sprinkHng, that 
 speaketh better things than that of Abel ;" expi- 
 ating for sin, and purging from it. In the evening, 
 contemplating on the various divisions of professed 
 Christians, their attachment to their own princi- 
 ples and practices, and prejudices against others ; 
 a faithful testimony to Him, who *' teacheth the 
 way of God truly," was renewed in my remem- 
 brance with life and freshness, viz. " To whom 
 shall we go ? for Thou *' only, *^ hast the words 
 of eternal life.'' 
 
 8. This week, I hope some increase has beea 
 
263 
 
 attaiiT^d in the forgiveness of such, by whom I 
 may have supposed myself evilly entreated ; a dis- 
 position incumbent on those, who themselves, are 
 ^^ in jeopardy every hour, " and who stand in 
 need of forgiveness from the Judge of men and 
 angels ; it having been declared by the lip of 
 Truth, that if we forgive not men their trespasses, 
 our heavenly Father w^ll not forgive us our tres- 
 passes. 
 
 9. Some things in my conduct are now likely 
 to be exposed to those who are already prejudiced 
 against me : being for a short time dismayed at 
 the unpleasing prospect, these words were witli 
 power brought to my remembrance, viz. but *^ I 
 say unto you, my friends, be not afraid of them 
 that kill the body, and after that have no more 
 Aat they can do.; but I will forewarn you whom 
 you shall fear : fear Him, which after he hath ' 
 killed, hath power to cast into hell; yea, I say 
 unto you, fear Him." We ought indeed to w^alk 
 as becomes the gospel, and to " shew out of a 
 good conversation our works with meekness of 
 w^Isdom : " but the approbation of our fellow 
 men, their praise, or their censure is lighter than 
 chafl^, when placed in the balance with those mer- 
 cies, forgivenesses, and righteousnesses, which are 
 in Christ Jesus. 
 
 II. In the evening, :the following passages in 
 the second Lecture of the 4th volume of Hunter's 
 Sacred Biography, seemed attended with light and 
 junction, viz. ' But is it possible to remove from 
 
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FEB 5 1970 
 
YA 04 
 
 
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 THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA UERARY