liHi SI 1 i !i!5-ii? ■■■, 'H 5} b !i r. y^ "^7>> i T / \ ^ o $X^ ] HUMOROUS HITS AND How to Hold an Audience HUMOROUS HITS AND How to Hold an Audience A COLLECTION OF SHORT SELECTIONS, STORIES AND SKETCHES FOR ALL OCCASIONS By GRENVILLE KLEISER Author of ''Hoiv to Speak in Public'" FIFTH EDITION FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY NEW YORK AND LONDON Copyright 1908 by FUNK & AVAGNALLS COMPANY Trinted in the United States of America Published March, 1903 All rights reserved INTRODUCTORY In preparing this volume the author has been guided by his own platform experience extending over twelve years. During that time he has given hundreds of public recitals before audiences of almost every description, and in all parts of the country. It may not be considered presumptu- ous, therefore, for him to offer some practical suggestions on the art of entertaining and holding an audience, and to indicate certain selections which he has found have in themselves the elements of success. The ' ' encore fiend, " as he is sometimes called, is so ubiq- uitous and insistent that no speaker or reader can afford to ignore him, and, indeed, must prepare for him in ad- vance. To find material that will satisfy him in one or in a dozen of the ordinary books of selections is an almost impossible task. It is only too obvious that many compila- tions of the kind are put together by persons who have had little or no practical platform experience. In an at- tempt to remedy this defect this volume has been prepared. It is believed that the book will be valuable not only to the amateur and the professional reader, speaker, elocu- tionist, and entertainer, but also to the after-dinner and impromptu speaker, the politician who wants to make a "hit," the business man who wishes to tell a good story and tell it effectively, the school-teacher in arranging her "Friday Afternoon" programs, as well as for reading aloud in the family circle, and for many other occasions. vi INTRODUCTORY Providing, as this work does, helpful hints on how to hold an audience, it is hoped that the additional suggestions offered regarding the use of the voice and its modulation, the art of pausing, the development of feeling and energy, the use of gesture and action, the cultivation of the imagina- tion, the conmiitting of selections to memory, and the stand- ing before an audience, while not as elaborate and detailed as found in a regular manual of elocution, will be of prac- tical benefit to those who can not conveniently command the services of a personal instructor. The author has been greatly assisted in this undertaking not only by the kind permission of publishers and authors to use their copyrighted work, but also by the hearty co- operation of many distinguished platform speakers and readers who have generously contributed successful selec- tions not hitherto published. The author gratefully acknowledges the special permis- sion granted him by the publishers to print the following copyright selections: "Keep A-goin'!" the Bobbs-lMerrill Company; ''A Modern Romance," the Publishers of The Smart Set; "The Fool's Prayer," Houghton, Mifflin & Company; "Mammy's Li'l' Boy," and " 'Spiicially Jim," the Century Company; "Counting One Hundred," the Lothrop, Lee & Shepard Company; "At Five O'clock Tea," the Publishers of Lippincott's Magazine. Grenville Kleiser. New York City, February, 1908. CONTENTS Introductory .... ^'^^li PART I— HOW TO HOLD AN AUDIENCE The Voice 4 The Breath q Modulation g Pausing 10 Feeling and Energy H Gesture and Action 12 Impersonation 13 Articulation and Pronunciation 13 Imagination 14 How TO Memorize a Selection 16 Before the Audience 18 PART II— HUMOROUS HITS The Train-misser James Whitcomh Riley 23 The Elocutionist's Curfew . . . . W. D. Nesbit 24 Melpomenus Jones Stephen Leacoek 25 Her Fifteen Minutes Tom Masson 28 My Funny Experience with a Whistler G. H. Snazelle 29 The Dead Kitten Anonymous 33 The Weather Fiend " 34 The Race Question .... Paul Laurence Dunbar 35 When the Woodbine Turns Red . . . Anonymous 38 Cupid's Casuistry W.J. Lampton 39 When Mah Lady Yawns .... Charles T. Grilley 39 vii Viii CONTENTS PAGE Watchin' the Sparkin' . . . Fred Emerson Brooks 40 The Wat op a Woman Byron W. King 42 The Yacht Club Speech Anonymous 43 Mammy's Li'l' Boy H. S. Edwards 44 CORYDOX Thomas Bailey Aldrieh 47 Gib Him Oxe ub Mine .... Daniel Webster Davis 49 A Lesson with the Fan Anonymous 50 The Undertow Carrie Blake Morgan 51 Marketing Anonymous 52 A Spring Idyl on "Grass" .... Nixon Waterman 52 Introducin' the Speecher .... Edwin L. Barker 54 Counting One Hundred .... James M. Bailey 57 They Never Quarreled Anonymous 58 Song op the ''L" Grenville Kleiser 60 The Village Oracle J. L. Harbour 62 Ip I Can Be by Her . . . Benjamin Franklin King 65 McCarthy and McManus Anonymous 66 And She Cried Minna Irving 68 Dot Leedle Boy James Whit comb Riley 69 Mr. Dooley on the Grip . . . Finlay Peter Dunne 73 A Rainy Day Episode Anonymous 75 I Knew He Would Come if I Waited //. G. Williamson 76 Love's ]\Ioods and Senses Anonymous 77 A Nocturnal Sketch Thomas Hood 78 Katie's Answer Anonymous 79 "'Spacially Jim" " 80 Agnes, I Love Thee! " 81 The Gorilla " 82 Banging a Sensational Novelist ... " 83 Hopkins' Last Moments " 84 The FAmiEs' Tea « 85 CONTENTS ix PACE Counting Eggs Anonymous 86 The Oatmobile " 87 Almost Beyond Endurance . James Whitcomb Riley 89 Proof Positive Anonymous 90 The Irish Philosopher " 91 Belagcholly Days " 93 A Pantomime Speech " 93 The Original Lamb " 95 When Pa Was a Boy S. E. Riser 95 The Freckled-paced Girl Anonymous 96 Willie Max Ehrmann 98 Amateur Night Anonymous 98 Bounding the United States John Fiske 101 Der Dog und der Lobster Anonymous 102 He Laughed Last " 103 NoRAH Murphy and the Spirits . . . Henry Hatton 104 Opie Read Wallace Bruce Amshary 107 The Village Choir Anonymous 108 Billy of Nebraska J. W. Bengough 110 Dot Lambs Vot Mary Haf Got .... Anonymous 112 Georga Washingdone " 113 Da 'Mericana Girl T. A. Daly 114 Becky Miller Anonymous 115 Pat and the Mayor " 116 The Liverwing Testimonial M. B. Spurr 118 Ups and Downs of Married Life . . . Anonymous 121 The Crooked Mouth Family " 122 "Imph-m'' " 124 The Usual Way " 125 Nothing Suited Him ' 126 A Little Feller " 126 X CONTENTS PAGE Robin TamsON'S Smiddt .... Alexander Rodger 127 A Big Mistake Anonymous 129 Lord Dundreary's Letter " 131 Slang Phrases " 133 The Merchant and the Book Agent . . " 134 The Coon's Lullaby " 136 Parody on Barbara Frietchie .... " 137 Before and After Charles T. Grilley 139 When Greek Meets Greek Anonymous 140 Mr. Potts' Story Max Adeler 141 At Five O'clock Tea Morris Wade 143 Keep A-goin' ! Frank L. Stanton 145 A Lover's Quarrel Cynthia Coles 146 Casey at the Bat Phineas Thayer 147 Familiar Lines Anonymous 149 A Friendly Game of Checkers .... " 150 Modern Romance Henry 21. Blossom ^ Jr. 152 Lullaby ratd Laurence Dunbar 153 The Reason Why Mary E. Bradley 154 How a Bachelor Sews on a Button . . Anonymous 154 Christopher Columbus " 155 The Fly " 156 The Yarn of the "Nancy Bell" . , . TF. S. Gilbert 157 I TOL' Yer So John L. Heaton 160 "You Git Up !" Joe Kerr 161 Presentation of the TRUJrrKT .... Anonymous 162 Don't Use Big Words " 163 Der Mule Shtood on der Steamboad Deck . " 164 The New School Reader " 165 The Poor Was Mad .... Charles Battell Loomis 167 LiDES TO Bary Jade Anonymous 168 CONTENTS XI PAGE "Charlie Must not Ring To-night" . . Anonymous 169 A Short Encore " 170 My Double, and How He Undid ]\Ie Edward Everett Hale 171 Romance of a Hammock Anomjmous 173 FiNNiGiN to Flannigan S. W. Gillinan 175 An Introduction Mark Twain 177 The Harp of a Thousand Strings . . Joshua S. Morris 111 The Difficulty of Riming Anonymous 179 So Was I Joseph. Bert Smiley 181 The Enchanted Shirt John Hay 183 Der Oak und der Vine . . . Charles Fallen Adams 185 The Ship of Faith Anonymous 187 He Wanted to Know " 188 An Opportunity " 190 Gape-seed " 190 Lariat Bill " 192 The Candidate ^ . . . . Bill Nye 193 One Afternoon Anonymous 196 Not In It " 198 A Twilight Idyl Robert J. Burdette 199 Lavery^S Hens Anonymous 201 Lisp " 202 They Met by Chance " 203 The Bridegroom's Toast " 203 Rehearsing for Private Theatricals . Stanley Huntley 204 The V-a-S-e James Jeffrey Roche 206 Papa and the Boy J. L. Harbour 208 The Obstructive Hat in the Pit . . . . F. Anstey 210 Hullo S. W. Foss 213 The Dutchman's Telephone Anonymous 214 How Bill Adams Won the Battle of Waterloo Snazelle 216 The Ruling Passion William H. Siviter 219 xii CONTENTS PACE The Dutchman's Serenade Anonymous 220 Widow Malone Charles Lever 222 His Leg Shot Off Anonymous 224 The Stuttering Umpire The Khan 225 The Man Who Will Make a Speech . . Anonymous 227 Carlotta Mia T. A. Daly 228 The Vassar Girl Wallace Incin 229 A Short Sermon Anonymous 231 A Lancashire Dialectic Sketch .... " 232 His Blackstonian Circumlocution ... " 233 Katrina Likes Me Poody Vell .... " 234 At the Restaurant " 235 A-feared of a Gal " 237 Leaving out the Joke " 238 The Ctclopeedy Eugene Field 239 Echo John G. Saxe 244 Our Railroads Anonymous 245 Wakin' the Young 'Uns John C. Boss 247 Pat's Reason Anonymous 249 Quit Your Foolin' " 250 She Would Be a Mason .... James L. Laughton 251 Henry the Fifth's Wooing Shakespeare 254 Scene from "The Rivals" . Richard Brinsley Sheridan 258 Scenes from "Rip Van Winkle" As Recited by Burbank 261 PART III— SERIOUS HITS If We Had the Time Richard Burton 267 The Fool's Prayer Edward Rowland Sill 268 The Eve of Waterloo Byron 269 The Wreck of the Julie Plante . W. II. Drummond 271 Father's Way Eugene Field 272 I Am Content Carmen Sylva Translation 274 CONTENTS xiii PAGE The Eagle's Song nichard Mansfield 27.5 Break^ Break^ Break .... Alfred, Lord Tennyson 111 ViRGiNius Macaulay 277 The Women op Mumbles Head . . . Clement Scott 279 William Tell and His Boy .... William Baine 282 Lasca F. Desprez 28-4 The Volunteer Organist S. W. Foss 287 Life Compared to a Game op Cards . . . Anonymous 289 Old Daddy Turner " 290 The Tramp " 292 The Dandy Fipth F. II. Gassaway 293 On Lincoln Walt Whitman 296 The Little Stowaway Anonymous 296 Saint Crispian's Day Shakespeare 299 The C'rrect Card George R. Sims 300 The Engineer's Story Rosa H. Thorpe 303 The Face Upon the Floor . . . H. Antoine D'Arcy 306 The Funeral of the Flowers . . T. De Witt Talmage 309 Cato's Soliloquy on Immortality . . Joseph Addison 311 Opportunity John J. Ingalls 312 Opportunity's Reply Walter Malone 312 The Earl-king .... Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe 313 Carcassonne M. E. W. Sherwood 314 The Musicians Anonymous 315 On the Rappahannock " 317 COMO Joaquin Miller 319 AuxItaliens Owen Meredith 322 PART I HOW TO HOLD AN AUDIENCE HOW TO HOLD AN AUDIENCE To hold the interest of an audience and to successfully entertain it — whether from public platform, in fraternal organization, by after-dinner speech, or in the home cir- cle — is a worthy accomplishment. Moreover, the memori- zing of selections and rendering them before an audience is one of the best preparations for the larger and more im- portant work of public speaking. IMany of our most suc- cessful after-dinner speakers depend almost entirely upon their ability to tell a good story. The art of reciting and story-telling has become so pop- ular in recent years that a wide-spread demand has arisen for books of selections and suggestions for rendering them. Material suitable for encores has been particularly difficult to find. It is thought, therefore, that the present volume, containing as it does a great variety of short numbers, will meet with approval. There is, perhaps, no talent that is more entertaining and more instructive than that of reciting aloud specimens of prose and poetry, both humorous and serious, from our best writers. Channing says : "Is there not an amusement, having an affinity with the drama, which might be usefully introduced among us? I mean, Recitation. "A work of genius, recited by a man of fine taste, en- thusiasm, and powers of elocution, is a very pure and high gratification. s 4 HUMOEOUS HITS "Were this art cultivated and encouraged, great num- bers, now insensible to the most beautiful compositions, might be waked up to their excellence and power. "It is not easy to conceive of a more effectual way of spreading a refined taste through a community. The drama undoubtedl}^ appeals more strongly to the passions than recitation ; but the latter brings out the meaning of the author more. Shakespeare, worthily recited, would be bet- ter understood than on the stage. "Recitation, sufficiently varied, so as to include pieces of chaste wit, as well as of pathos, beauty, and sublimity, is adapted to our present intellectual progress." To recite well, and to be able to hold an audience, one should be trained in the proper use of the voice and body in expression. This requires painstaking study and prepa- ration. It is a mistake to suppose that much can be safely left to impulse and the inspiration of the occasion. With all great artists everything is premeditated, studied, and rehearsed beforehand. Salvini, the great Italian tragedian, said to the pupils in his art: "Above all, study, — study, — study. All the genius in the world will not help you along with any art, unless you become a hard student. It has taken me years to master a single part. ' ' THE VOICE The voice can be rapidly and even wonderfully devel- oped by practising for a few minutes daily exercises pre- scribed in any good manual of elocution.^ Learn to speak ' See " How to Speak in Public," a complete manual of elocution, by Grenvilie Kleiser. Published by Funk & Wagnalls Company. Price, $1.25 net. HOW TO HOLD AN AUDIENCE 5 in the natural voice. If it is high-pitched, nasal, thin, or unmusical, these defects can be overcome by patient and judicious practise. Do not assume an artificial voice, except in impersonation. Remember that intelligent audiences demand intelligent expression, and will not tolerate the ranting, bombast, and unnatural style of declamation of former days. Many people speak with half-shut teeth and mouth. Open the mouth and throat freely ; liberate all the muscles around the vocal apparatus. Aim to speak with ease, and endeavor to improve the voice in depth, purity, roundness, and flex- ibility. Daily conversation offers the best opportunity for this practise. A writer recently said: "Only a very, very few of us Americans speak English as the English do. We have our own 'accent,' as it is called. We are a nervous, eager, strident people. We know it, tho we do not relish having foreigners tell us about it. We speak not mellowly, not with lax tongues and palates, but sharply, shrilly, with hardened mouth and with tones forced back upon the palate. We strangulate two-thirds of our vowels and swallow half the other third. Pure, round, sonorous tones are almost never heard in our daily speech." Speak from the abdomen. All the effort, all the motive power, should come from the waist and abdominal muscles. These are made to stand the strain that is so often incor- rectly put upon the muscles of the throat. Aim at a for- ward tone; that is, send your voice out to some distant object, imaginary or otherwise, without unduly elevating the pitch. The voice should strike against the hard palate, the hard bony arch just above the upper teeth. Most of the practising should be done on the low pitches. Q HUMOROUS HITS If there is any serious physical defect of the throat or nose, consult a reliable physician. Do not overtax the voice. Three periods of ten minutes each are better than an hour's practise at one time. Stop at the first sign of weariness. Do not practise within an hour after eating. Avoid the habitual use of lozenges. There is nothing better for the throat than a gargle of salt and water, used night and morning. Dash cold water on the outside of the throat and rub it vigorously with a coarse towel. THE BREATH The proper management of the breath is an important part of good speaking. Some teachers say the air should be inhaled on all occasions exclusively through the nose. This is practically impossible while in the act of speaking. The aim should be to speak on full lungs as much as pos- sible ; therefore a breath must be taken at every opportunity. This is done during the pauses, but often the time is so short that the speaker will find it necessary to use both mouth and nose to get a full supply of air. The breathing should be inaudible. Practise deep breathing until it becomes an unconscious habit. In taking in the hrcath the abdomen and chest both expand, and in giving out the breath the abdomen and chest both contract. By this method of respiration the abdomen is used as a kind of "bellows," and the strain is taken entirely off the throat. The breathing should be done without noticeable effort and without raising the shoulders. Whenever possible the breathing should be long and deep. While speaking, endeavor to hold back in the lungs, or reservoir, the supply of air, "feeding" it very gradiiallj^ to the vocal cords in just the quantity required for a given tone. Reciting aloud, when properly done, is a healthful exercise, and the voice should grow and improve through use; but to speak on half-filled lungs, or from the throat, is distressing and often injurious. Keep your shoulders well thrown back, head erect, chin level, arms loosely at the sides, and in walking throw the leg out from the hip with easy, confident movement. The weight of the body should be on the ball of the foot, altho the whole foot touches the floor. The breathing should be deep, smooth, and deliberate. When the breath is not being used in speech, breathe ex- clusively through the nose. This is particularly desirable during the hours of sleep. As someone has said, if you awake at night and find your mouth open, get up and shut it. A well-known English authority on elocution says that as a golden rule for the preservation of the health, he con- siders the habit of breathing through the nose invaluable if not imperative. Air, which is the breath of life, has al- ways floating in it also the seeds of death. The nose is a filter and deodorizer, in passing through which the air is cleansed and sent pure into the lungs. The nose warms the air as well as purifies it, and thus prevents it from being breathed in that raw, damp state which is so injurious to those whose lungs are delicate. Speak immediately upon opening your mouth. Try to turn into pure-toned voice every particle of breath you give out. Replenish the lungs every time you pause. Light gymnastics, brisk walking, running, horseback riding, and other exercise will improve your breathing capacity. S HUilOKOUS HITS MODULATION Modulation simply means change of voice. These changes, however, must be intelligent and appropriate to the thought. Monotony — speaking in one tone — must be avoided. The speaker should have the ability to raise or lower the pitch of his voice at will, as well as to vary it in force, intensity, inflection, etc. Do not confuse "pitch" with "force." Pitch refers to the key of the speaking voice, while force relates to the loudness of the voice. The movement or rate of speaking should be varied to suit the particular thought. It would be ridiculous to describe a horse-race in the slow, measured tones of a funeral procession. Most of your speaking should be done in the middle and lower registers; but the higher pitches, altho not so often required, must be trained so as to be ready for use. These higher tones are frequently thin and unmusical, but they can be made full and firm through practise. It is not necessary to study many rules for inflection. The speaker should know in a general way that when the sense is suspended the voice follows this tendency and runs up, and when the sense is completed the voice runs down. In other words, the voice should simply be in agreement with the tendency of the thought, whether it opens up or closes down. The lengths of inflection vary according to the thought and the required emphasis. For most occasions the speaking should be clear-cut and deliberate. The larger the room or hall, the slower should be the speech, to give the vocal vibrations time to travel. Dwelling on words too long, drawling, or over precision in articulation, is tedious to an audience. The other extreme, HOW TO HOLD AN AUDIENCE 9 undue haste, suggests lack of self-control, and is fatal to successful effort. Of course this does not apply to special selections demanding rapid speech. There are numerous words in English that represent or at least suggest their meaning in their sound. One who aims to read or recite well should study these effects so as to use them skilfully and with judgment. The most complete and concise treatment on the subject of expression is perhaps that given in Hamlet's advice to the players when he says: "Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you — trippingly on the tongue; but if you mouth it, as many of your players do, I had as lief the town crier spoke my lines. Nor do not saw the air too much with your hand, thus; but use all gently: for in the very torrent, tempest, and as I may say whirlwind of your passion, you must ac- quire and beget a temperance that may give it smoothness. O! it offends me to the soul, to hear a robustious periwig- pated fellow tear a passion to tatters, to very rags, to split the ears of the groundlings; who, for the most part, are capable of nothing but inexplicable dumb-shows, and noise. I would have such a fellow whipped for o'erdoing Terma- gant ; it out-herods Herod : pray you, avoid it. . . . "Be not too tame neither, but let your own discretion be your tutor : suit the action to the word, the w^ord to the action, with this special observance, that you o'erstep not the modesty of nature; for anything so overdone is from the purpose of playing, whose end, both at the first, and now, was, and is, to hold, as 't were, the mirror up to na- ture ; to show virtue her own feature, scorn her own image, and the very age and body of the time, his form and pres- sure. Now, this overdone, or come tardy off, tho it make 10 HUiMOROUS HITS the unskilful laugh, can not but make the judicious grieve ; the censure of the which one must, in your allowance, o'erweigh a whole theater of others. 0! there be players, that I have seen play— and heard others praise, and that highly— not to speak it profanely, that, neither having the accent of Christians, nor the gait of Christian, pagan, nor man, have so strutted and bellowed, that I have thought some of nature's journeymen had made men, and not made them well, they imitated humanity so abominably." PAUSING Words naturally divide themselves into groups accord- ing to their meaning. Grammatical pauses indicate the construction of language, while rhetorical pauses mark more particularly the natural divisions in the sense. To jumble words together, or to .rattle them off in "rapid- fire" style, is not an entertaining performance. Proper pausing secures economy of the listener's attention, and is as desirable in spoken as in written language. Pauses should vary in frequency and duration. It should be remembered that words are only symbols, and that the speaker should concern himself seriously about the thought which these symbols represent. The concept behind the sign is the important thing. The fine art of pausing can be acquired only after long and faithful study. Then it may become an unconscious habit. An old rime on this subject is worth repeating: "In pausing, ever let this rule take place, Never to separate words in any case That are less separable than those you join ; And, wliich imports the same, not to combine ) Such words together, as do not relate So closely as the words you separate." HOW TO HOLD AX AUDIENCE H FEELING AND ENERGY Before you can properly feci what you say you must understand it. Artificial and imitative methods do not produce enduring results. In studying a passage or selec- tion for recitation, the imagination must be kindled, the feelings stimulated, and the mind trained to concentrate upon the thought until it is experienced. This subjective work should ahvays precede the attempt at objective ex- pression. Everything must first be conceived, pictured, and experienced in the mind. When this is done with intel- ligence, sincerity, and earnestness, there should be little difficulty in giving true and adequate expression to thought. In all speaking that is worth the while there must be energy, force, and life. The speaker should be wide-awake, alert, palpitating. A speaker — and this applies to the re- citer and elocutionist — should be, as someone has said, ' ' an animal galvanic battery on two legs.'" He must know what he is about. He must he in earnest. Make a distinction between loudness and intensity. Often the best effects are produced by suggesting power in reserve rather than giving the fullest outward expres- sion. Intensity in reading or reciting is secured chiefly through concentration and a thorough grasp of the thought. Endeavor to put yourself into your voice. Do not forget that deep, concentrated feeling is never loud. Avoid shouting, ranting, and "tearing a passion to tatters." Go to nature for models. Ask what one would do in real life in uttering the thoughts under consideration. > See " Before an Audience," by Nathan Sheppard. Published by Funk & Wag- nails Company. Price, 75 cents. 12 HUMOEOUS HITS The emotions must be brought under control by frequent practise. Joy, sorrow, anger, fear, surprize, terror, and other feelings are as colors to the artist and must be made ready for instant use. To quote Richard Mansfield: ''When you are enacting a part, think of your voice as a color, and, as you paint your picture (the character you are painting, the scene you are portraying), mix your col- ors. You have on your palate a white voice, la voix blanche; a heavenly, ethereal or blue voice, the voice of prayer; a disagreeable, jealous, or yellow voice; a steel-gray voice, for quiet sarcasm; a brown voice of hopelessness; a lurid, red voice of hot rage; a deep, thunderous voice of black; a cheery voice, the color of the green sea that a brisk breeze is crisping; and then there is a pretty little pink voice, and shades of violet — but the subject is endless." GESTURE AND ACTION No better advice can be given upon this subject than to "Suit the action to the word; the word to the action." Unless a gesture in some way helps in the expression and understanding of a thought, it should be omitted. Ges- ture is not a mere ornament, but a natural and necessary part of true expression. The arms and hands should be trained to perform their work gracefully, promptly, and effectively. If too many gestures are used they lose their force and meaning. Furthermore, too many gestures con- fuse and annoy the auditor. Gesture should be practised, preferably before a looking- glass, so thoroughly beforehand as to make it an uncon- scious act when the speaker comes before his audience. The correct standing position is to have one foot slightly in advance of the other. The taller the person, the broader HOW TO HOLD AN AUDIENCE 13 should be the base or width between the feet. The body should be erect but not rigid. In repose the arms should drop naturally at the sides. Except in the act of gesticu- lating do not try to put the hands anywhere, and above all, if a man, not in the pockets. IMPERSONATION The aim here should be to lose one's self in the part. To subordinate one's tones, gestures, and manners, and to live the character for the time being, requires no mean ability. Impersonation calls for imagination, insight, con- centration, and adaptability-. The impersonator must be all at it, and at it all, during the whole time he is imper- sonating the character. "To fathom the depths of character," said Macready, the distinguished English actor, "to trace its latent mo- tives, to feel its finest quiverings of emotion, to compre- hend the thoughts that are hidden under words, and thus possess one's self of the actual mind of the individual man, is the highest reach of the player's art, and is an achieve- ment that I have discerned but in few. Kean — when un- der the impulse of his genius he seemed to clutch the whole idea of the man — was an extraordinary instance among those possessing the faculty of impersonation." Where dialect is used it should be closely studied from life. Stage representations of foreign character are not always trustworthy models. ARTICULATION AND PRONUNCIATION Articulate and pronounce correctly and distinctly with- out being pedantic. The organs of articulation — teeth, tongue, lips, and palate — should be trained to rapidly and accurately repeat various sets of elements, until any com- 14 HUMOROUS HITS bination of sounds, no matter how difficult, can be uttered with facility, accuracy, and precision. A standard dictionary should be consulted whenever there is a doubt either about the meaning or the pronun- ciation of a word. As to the standard of pronunciation, the speaker should consider at least these three things: (1) authorit}', (2) custom, and (3) personal taste. There are many words commonly mispronounced, but only a few can be referred to here : Do not say Toos-day or Chews-day for Tuesday; ur-ride for ride; i-ron for i-urn; wus for was; thwn for than; subject for subject; aiv f-fiss for o/f -fiss ; ^g-gcr for figure ; to-U'ards for tords ; dook for dwke; ketch for catch; day-po for de-ipo; ab'domen for abdo'men; advertise'ment for adver'tisement ; ly'ceum for lyce'um; oc'cult for occult'; of^en for of'n; sence for since; suggest for suggest; ivownd for woond; tcetJier for w/