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 CHILD NATURE 
 
 AND 
 
 CHILD NURTURE
 
 HITHERTO too much relative stress has been laid upon the 
 duties of children to parents, while too little attention has been given 
 to the duties of parents to their children. — James Johonnot. 

 
 J IFE in the Making
 
 Child Nature 
 
 Child Nurture 
 
 A TEXT-BOOK FOR PARENTS' CLASSES, MOTHERS' 
 
 CLUBS, TRAINING CLASSES FOR TEACHERS OF 
 
 YOUNG CHILDREN, AND FOR HOME STUDY 
 
 BY 
 
 EDWARD PORTER ST. JOHN 
 
 A.M., PD.M. 
 
 Professor in the Hartford School of 
 Religious Pedagogy 
 
 -2. a 2. A- o 
 
 THE PILGRIM PRESS 
 
 BOSTON NEW YORK CHICAGO
 
 Copyright, iqii 
 By Edward Porter St. John 
 
 Entered at Stationers' Hall, London 
 
 All rights reserved 
 
 Published August, 191 I 
 
 THE- PLIMPTON- PRESS 
 
 [ W • D ■ O ] 
 NORWOOD • MASS • U • S • A
 
 Ha 
 
 Sl4 
 
 PREFACE 
 
 The topics that are discussed in this little book 
 are all related to the training of young children. 
 Occasionally suggestions are offered as to the 
 application of the principles that are presented 
 to the shaping of the characters of children who 
 are over twelve years of age, but it is chiefly to 
 guard against the danger of misunderstanding 
 or misapplication of the methods that are recom- 
 mended for use with those who are younger. The 
 difficult problems that rise in the training of the 
 adolescent boy or girl have purposely been reserved 
 for future volumes, as in many cases the methods 
 to be used with them must be very different, — 
 indeed sometimes almost the reverse of those that 
 will be most helpful with the young child. 
 
 Even in this limited field of the moral educa- 
 tion of the young child the lessons deal with only 
 a part of the fundamental problems that every 
 parent must face. In a companion volume others 
 of these will be discussed in a similar way, especial 
 attention being given to the matters that most 
 intimately concern the child's religious training. 
 
 The lessons are designed to be suggestive only. 
 The aim has been clearly to present the funda- 
 mental principles that are involved, briefly to 
 indicate their application in methods that are 
 useful in the home, to refer the student to the 
 best of the most available fuller discussions of 
 
 [v]
 
 PREFACE 
 
 the various topics, and to suggest for discussion 
 practical problems of the kinds that are continu- 
 ally arising in every home. 
 
 The lessons are especially designed for use in a 
 class or club, and the value of the course of study 
 will be greatly enhanced if it is carried on by a 
 group of parents or teachers who discuss with 
 the greatest freedom every proposition that 
 appears in the lessons or that is suggested by the 
 members of the class. 
 
 The lessons have been inspired by the writer's 
 own strong interest in the topics with which they 
 deal and the practical problems of parenthood 
 which they discuss, and by the stimulating ques- 
 tions and wise suggestions that have come to him 
 from many mothers and fathers. Their especial 
 aim is to aid in moral and religious education in 
 the home, for here, the writer believes, the most 
 telling work of character-building is to be done. 
 They present an attempt to bring in untechnical 
 form the best educational thought of the day to 
 the aid of fathers and mothers, whose work, not 
 in spite of, but because of, its very informality, 
 is more effective than any that is done in the 
 schools. The suggestions are offered with no 
 thought that the writer has himself solved the 
 problems of child-training. Indeed the desire that 
 others may be saved from some of the mistakes 
 that he has made is no small part of his motive 
 in presenting them. No one could regret their 
 imperfections more than their author does, but 
 if they lead parents to take their work as edu- 
 cators more seriously, to study their children 
 more thoughtfully, and to consider the little things 
 of home life in the light of their effect upon the 
 
 [vi]
 
 PREFACE 
 
 characters of their children, they will have served 
 their largest purpose. 
 
 Much of the material has already been pub- 
 lished in The Pilgrim Teacher, The Sunday-School 
 Journal, The Westminster Teacher, and The Sun- 
 day-School Magazine, and has thus received a cir- 
 culation of about four hundred thousand copies. 
 The reception that has been accorded to it has 
 prompted to publication in this more permanent 
 form. 
 
 [vii]
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Preface v 
 
 Chapter I. HOW TO USE THE LESSONS . I 
 
 Chapter II. CHILD NATURE AND 
 CHILD NURTURE 
 
 Lesson i Nature and Nurture .... 10 
 
 Chapter III. TRAINING THE INSTINCTS 
 THAT ARE ASSOCIATED WITH THE 
 PHYSICAL LIFE 
 
 Lesson 2 The Training of the Appetite . 14 
 
 Lesson 3 Dealing with the Restless. 
 
 Child 19 
 
 Lesson 4 Dealing with the Nervous Child 23 
 
 Lesson 5 Teaching the Child about Sex 27 
 
 Chapter IV. HOW TO DEAL WITH 
 THE CHILD'S FEARS 
 
 Lesson 6 The Meaning of the Child's 
 
 Fears 32 
 
 Lesson 7 How to Deal with Different 
 
 Kinds of Fear 35 
 
 [ix]
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Lesson 8 The Place of Fear in Home 
 
 Discipline 38 
 
 Lesson 9 The Place of Fear in Religious 
 
 Education 41 
 
 Chapter V. HOW TO DEAL WITH 
 THE ANGRY CHILD 
 
 Lesson 10 When Anger is a Virtue. . . 46 
 
 Lesson ii How to Train the Anger Impulse 49 
 
 Lesson 12 How to Deal with Fits of 
 
 Passion 52 
 
 Chapter VI. THE TRAINING OF 
 THE LOVE IMPULSE 
 
 Lesson 13 The Nature of Love and the 
 
 Uses that it Serves • • • 57 
 
 Lesson 14 Training the Child to Love . 61 
 
 Chapter VII. TRAINING THE CHILD IN 
 UNSELFISHNESS AND KINDNESS 
 
 Lesson 15 The Nature of Altruistic 
 
 Feeling 67 
 
 Lesson 16 The Natural Development of 
 
 Unselfishness 70 
 
 Lesson 17 The Culture of Unselfishness 74 
 
 Lesson 18 Some Things to Avoid. yy 
 
 [x]
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Lesson 19 The Moral Value of Playing 
 
 with Dolls 80 
 
 Lesson 20 Training in Kindness to the 
 
 Lower Animals 83 
 
 Lesson 21 Training the Child in Courtesy 87 
 
 Lesson 22 Training the Child to an Inter- 
 est in Missions 91 
 
 Chapter VIII. TRAINING THE CHILD TO 
 REGARD PROPERTY RIGHTS 
 
 Lesson 23 How the Sense of Property 
 
 Rights Develops 97 
 
 Lesson 24 Training the Child in Honesty 100 
 
 Lesson 25 Training the Child to Prudence 
 
 and Frugality 102 
 
 Lesson 26 Training the Child in Generosity 105 
 
 [xi]
 
 ILLUSTRATIONS 
 
 Life in the Making Frontispiece 
 
 A Little Mother 66 
 
 Listening to the Birds 82
 
 Child Nature and Child 
 Nurture 
 
 HOW TO USE\tlE LESSONS 
 
 Gathering a Class. — The first step is to gather 
 as large a group as possible of those who are par- 
 ents and who are really interested in the moral 
 and religious education of their children. Do 
 not forget that it is a parents' class. Some unmar- 
 ried or childless persons would surely be helpful 
 in such classes, and they should not be made 
 unwelcome, but it will certainly favor the success 
 of the plan if ordinarily membership is limited 
 to those who have a personal interest in the 
 parents' problems, and who have had some meas- 
 ure of experience in attempting their solution. 
 Often a kindergartner or teacher who has stud- 
 ied and worked with children, who realizes that 
 her experience has not duplicated that of any 
 mother, and who is sufficiently tactful to refrain 
 from dogmatism and the assumption of leader- 
 ship will contribute largely to the interest and 
 profit of the study. 
 
 Young mothers are likely to be most apprecia- 
 tive of the privileges of such a class and, by 
 exchanging the results of their experience and read- 
 
 [i]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 ing, a group made up wholly of such individuals 
 could be exceedingly helpful; but if some older 
 mothers who have had successful experience can 
 be induced to join, they can contribute much to 
 the helpfulness of the discussions. It should not 
 be forgotten that the parents who, if left to them- 
 selves, would wholly neglect such opportunities 
 are the ones who most need them, and when 
 a nucleus of those who are really in earnest has 
 been secured, such others should be encouraged 
 to attend the class. 
 
 The Sunday school offers the best opportunity 
 for the organization of classes in most commu- 
 nities. To encourage and supervise such work 
 Parents' Departments have been organized in 
 many schools. This department is coordinate 
 with the normal department, the home depart- 
 ment, and the other usual departments of the 
 school. It should have its superintendent, as 
 do the others, who should be recognized as a 
 regular officer of the school. At first there will 
 perhaps be need of but one class, and that is 
 likely to be made up of young mothers; but if 
 the work is started there is sure to be a demand 
 for classes for parents of adolescent boys and 
 girls, for those who wish to take a more advanced 
 course, one for fathers only, and perhaps still 
 others. 
 
 In some schools the parents of the children in 
 the junior or the primary departments have been 
 gathered in classes that are held under the aus- 
 pices of those departments. This plan helps 
 the Sunday school at the same time that it aids 
 the home, as it naturally increases the interest 
 of the parents in the Sunday-school training of 
 
 [2]
 
 HOW TO USE THE LESSONS 
 
 their children and fits them for more intelligent 
 cooperation with the teachers. 
 
 In other schools the lessons are studied, by the 
 teachers of these elementary departments and the 
 parents of the children who attend them, in a 
 meeting held for this purpose at some time dur- 
 ing the week. Thus it serves as a course in teacher 
 training for the teachers. 
 
 The leader of the class. — The selection of a 
 leader for the class is a matter of great impor- 
 tance, and if possible it should be settled in advance 
 after consultation by the pastor, superintendent, 
 and others who are interested in that phase of 
 the work of the Church. Sometimes a local 
 mothers' club will suggest the desirable person. 
 But if the right leader cannot be found in advance 
 the choice may be deferred until a group of stu- 
 dents has been secured, when the most efficient 
 one may be selected from their number. It 
 should be understood that what is needed is not 
 a teacher who shall furnish the class with ideas, 
 but a leader who shall tactfully draw out the 
 thoughts and experiences of the members, give 
 the results of such reading as cannot be reported 
 by others, and see that the discussions are led 
 into the most helpful channels. If the leader 
 can in a brief sentence or two interpret the experi- 
 ence of some member who is not quick to grasp 
 a principle, harmonize different statements that 
 are not really inconsistent, and especially summa- 
 rize at the close the principles and methods that 
 have been discussed, so much the better. 
 
 The method of conducting the class. — Too 
 strong emphasis cannot be placed upon the fact 
 that the lesson outlines are not to be regarded 
 
 [3]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 by members of the class as dogmatic statements 
 of final truth which need only to be accepted or 
 memorized, but as bases of conversation and dis- 
 cussion. Every statement in the lesson should 
 be put to the test of the approval of the class. 
 Wherever it is possible the leader should take 
 especial pains to secure from the experiences 
 of members illustrations of the points under dis- 
 cussion. Nothing will add to the interest of the 
 members in the work of the class. But it will 
 do more than that. In the best possible way 
 it will help parents to apply the principles and 
 methods under discussion. 
 
 It is exactly at this point that the greatest fail- 
 ure in our teaching occurs, both in the Sunday 
 school and in the Church. The formality of the 
 sermon denies the preacher this opportunity. The 
 teacher should make the most of the privilege 
 which counts for much in so many ways. 
 
 The freer the expression of personal opinion 
 and the larger the contribution from the experi- 
 ences of the members of the class, the more valu- 
 able will the study be. And this is true even 
 though some of the ideas that are so presented 
 are manifestly incorrect. Such an expression of 
 opinion makes it possible for the leader or some 
 member of the class to advance arguments that 
 may correct a misapprehension that otherwise 
 would have been undiscovered; and if this is not 
 accomplished the error of one person often fur- 
 nishes a background for the lesson which makes 
 its teachings far more impressive to other mem- 
 bers of the class. 
 
 Anything like dogmatism in teaching is unwise, 
 however assured one may be of one's position. 
 
 [4]
 
 HOW TO USE THE LESSONS 
 
 People who cannot be convinced by clear state- 
 ments of principle which are illustrated by experi- 
 ences of every-day life will not yield to mere 
 assertion. Hence no one, whether teacher or 
 member, should be supposed to give the final and 
 authoritative deliverance upon any subject. The 
 concern of the leader and of each member should 
 be to see that which is believed to be the right 
 view is clearly and fairly presented. 
 
 Reading should be encouraged, and reports 
 from those who do it should be called for, but the 
 more the members can be led to the discussion 
 of their own experiences and methods the more 
 interesting and helpful the study will be. If 
 they are slow to take part in this way, introduce 
 some concrete case, such as they must deal with 
 in their homes, and the discussion will not lag. 
 
 The lesson outlines that appear in these pages 
 are designed to form a basis for such discussions. 
 Limitations of space permit them to be merely 
 suggestive, but if they are used as indicated above, 
 and especially if the members are encouraged to 
 read upon the subjects that are under discus- 
 sion, their brevity will not be a disadvantage. 
 
 Suggestions for further reading. — It will be 
 noted that with each group of lessons a number 
 of readings are suggested. All of these are really 
 valuable. It will be well if these can be assigned 
 to different members, who should be asked to 
 report such helpful ideas as they find in connec- 
 tion with each of the topics. Most of the books 
 to which reference is made will be found in 
 public libraries. If they are not already upon the 
 shelves, it is always possible to secure the pur- 
 chase of books of this kind by application to 
 
 [5]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 the proper authorities. In many places the 
 state libraries or the state educational authorities 
 will furnish from ten to twenty-five such books, 
 which may be kept for periods of from three to 
 nine months, at merely nominal expense. 
 
 It will be particularly helpful if the Church or 
 Sunday school can purchase a small library of 
 books for the use of such a class, and for general 
 circulation in the parish. Where the books are 
 available in none of these ways, the members of 
 a class may be urged to purchase each a single 
 book, from readings in which reports can be made 
 to the class. If each member purchases a differ- 
 ent book a wide range of thought will be avail- 
 able, and the books will be permanently valuable 
 in the homes. 
 
 To help those who are ready to take either of 
 these steps the following brief list is suggested. 
 The books may be obtained from the publishers 
 of this book at the prices indicated, or the first 
 five on the list, which would perhaps form the 
 best selections for schools which cannot purchase 
 all at one time, will be furnished for four dollars. 
 The entire list will be furnished for eight dollars 
 and twenty-five cents. ■-* 
 
 Beckonings from Little Hands, by Patterson Du Bois, 
 75 cents net* 
 
 A Study of Child Nature, by Elizabeth Harrison, 
 #1.00 net. 
 
 Childhood, by Mrs. Theodore Birney, $1.00 net. 
 
 Hints on Child Training, by H. Clay Trumbull, $1.25. 
 
 Bringing up Boys, by Kate Upson Clark, 50 cents. 
 
 Household Education, by Harriet Martineau, #1.25. 
 
 The Unfolding Life, by Antoinette Lamoreaux, 75 
 cents. 
 
 [6]
 
 HOW TO USE THE LESSONS 
 
 Child Culture in the Home, by Martha B. Mosher, 
 $1.00. 
 
 Gentle Measures in the Training of the Young, by 
 Jacob Abbott, $1.25. 
 
 Nursery Ethics, by Florence Winterburn, $1.00. 
 
 Sources of inspiration and help. — The National 
 Congress of Mothers, the office of which is at 
 806 Loan and Trust Building, Washington, D.C., 
 is an organization which seeks to establish and 
 aid Mothers' Clubs, Parents' and Teachers' 
 Associations, and similar organizations that are 
 working in the interests of child welfare. It 
 has fifteen departments dealing with different 
 phases of the subject, and publishes much useful 
 literature. Chief among this is the Child-Welfare 
 Magazine, which is issued ter* times a year at a 
 subscription price of fi£ty-ce-nt$/, There are 
 state organizations auxiliary to the National 
 Council in the various states, and the officers of 
 these are always ready to assist those who are 
 studying the problems of motherhood. 
 
 [7]
 
 II 
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 There are two great influences that shape the 
 character of the child. These are heredity and 
 environment, or nature and nurture. The first 
 is by far the mightier force. It sets limits beyond 
 which the influences of the second cannot go. 
 Through its influence parents, by their own sins 
 and failures, may mar the lives of their children; 
 but, happily, human nature which has been shaped 
 through the ages past cannot be wholly corrupted 
 in one or two generations. The child of evil 
 parents commonly has the germs of a large 
 share of the virtues of mankind in his make-up. 
 Whether these or the grosser tendencies of his 
 immediate ancestors shall develop is determined 
 chiefly by nurture. One cannot obtain figs from 
 thistles, but even a diseased tree can be made 
 to produce beautiful and wholesome fruit if it 
 is given the right culture. When to good hered- 
 ity wise training is added, good character is 
 assured. Alas that what we really are, rather than 
 our unattained ideals, determines what the inner 
 natures of our children shall be! Alas that when 
 we attempt to correct by training the defects of 
 character we have bequeathed we should so often 
 lack the skill to wisely use the methods which we 
 approve. 
 
 [8]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 A good heredity is the best heritage that a 
 parent can give a child. But though it is not 
 the strongest power to shape character, nurture, 
 or training, is surpassingly important to the 
 parent, for after the child is born it offers to 
 him the sole opportunity to shape the child's 
 life. If this educational work is well done it will 
 be because the plans for nurture are in harmony 
 with the laws of nature. Indeed, the most that 
 the parent can do is to cooperate with God in 
 his plans for the making of a man or woman from 
 the child. 
 
 The lessons in this book deal with the facts of 
 child nature which condition all the effort of the 
 parent to shape the child's character, and with 
 methods of training that seem to be in harmony 
 with the divine plan. 
 
 The following references are designed to guide 
 the student's reading on the subject of the rela- 
 tion of the child's natural development to the 
 training that he should receive: The Unfolding 
 Life, by Antoinette A. Lamoreaux, pp. 11-35; 
 A Study of Child Nature, by Elizabeth Harrison, 
 pp. 9-12; Principles of Religious Education, 
 chapter on The Religious Content of the Child 
 Mind, by G. Stanley Hall, pp. 161-192; The 
 Development of the Child, by Nathan Oppen- 
 heim, pp. 1-10; The Making of Character, by John 
 McCunn, pp. 1-52; Household Education, by Har- 
 riet Martineau, pp. 31-62; The Natural Way, by 
 Patterson DuBois, pp. 54-68; Lutheran Teacher- 
 Training Course, by Luther A. Weigle, pp. 9-14; 
 The Story of the Mind, by James Mark Baldwin, 
 pp. 166-199. 
 
 [9]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 Lesson I. Nature and Nurture 
 
 Let us give the children the right start in life, and 
 let us begin at the very beginning. 
 
 — Paul Carus. 
 
 Nature must be reckoned with or nurture cannot 
 be reckoned on. — Patterson Du Bois. 
 
 The life comes from God complete in its possibil- 
 ities, but at the beginning all is in germ. 
 
 — Antoinette A. Lamoreaux. 
 
 Teaching is essentially the response of the adult to 
 the moral and intellectual need and readiness of the 
 child. — Anon. 
 
 One of the greatest lines of the world's work lies 
 before us: the understanding of little children, in order 
 that they may be properly trained. 
 
 — Elizabeth Harrison. 
 
 A little more allowance given to the primal fact 
 that a child is alive, and is a child, and lives therefore 
 according to childhood's laws, would sometimes stay 
 a too hasty interference with manifestations of pure 
 child life and child nature. 
 
 — H. Thistleton Mark. 
 
 What determines whether or not any course that I 
 choose to lay out for my child either in the physical 
 or spiritual realm is nurture? Manifestly the child's 
 nature itself, his life forces and their laws of action 
 must be the determining factor. 
 
 — Patterson DuBois. 
 
 Nurture them in the training and admonition of 
 the Lord. — Eph. 6:4. 
 
 [10]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 No amount of " child study " will save teacher or 
 mother the trouble of studying her own children. 
 Even a little, however, may helpfully guide her in 
 that task. — Edward Porter St. John. 
 
 The child differs by nature from the adult. — 
 
 In many ways this is true. In his physical life 
 it is very apparent. The young child's head is 
 fully twice as large in proportion to its entire 
 body as that of an adult, while its legs are little 
 more than half as long. Its muscles have but 
 half of the relative weight, while certain glands 
 are proportionately fifty times as large as in mature 
 life. In the way he thinks the differences are as 
 clear. The child is influenced far more by the 
 suggestion contained in the act of another, in a 
 picture or a story, than by appeal to laws of cause 
 and effect. When he attempts to reason, it is 
 largely by analogy, and if one attempts to give 
 him knowledge of a kind that he cannot gain 
 through the direct action of his senses, his ideas 
 are often ludicrously grotesque. His feelings are 
 intense, but they are short-lived. If one wishes 
 to stir a particular emotion it must commonly 
 be done by an appeal to his senses. The lesson 
 for the child must surely differ from that for the 
 adult. 
 
 As he grows older the child passes through 
 several stages of development. — The transition 
 to the conditions of adult life is not a uniformly 
 gradual process. For several years at a time 
 development is rather slow and along uniform 
 lines; then comes a period of rapid change, which 
 opens a new stage of life in which interests and 
 aptitudes are different, and new methods of 
 
 In]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 training are demanded. The most important 
 of these changes comes at about twelve years of 
 age and divides childhood from adolescence, 
 both of which are further subdivided in a similar 
 way. He who deals with children of widely 
 differing ages in the same way courts failure. 
 It is with the problems of training which arise 
 before adolescence that this book chiefly deals. 
 
 Children naturally differ in temperament. — 
 All differ as children from adults, and all pass 
 through stages of development that are substan- 
 tially the same; but each child has his own per- 
 sonality, his own way of reacting to what goes on 
 about him. The most obvious distinction of 
 this kind is between the active child and the 
 thoughtful child, and this difference may com- 
 monly be seen in any family where there are 
 several children. The child of the one type 
 thinks and feels deeply, and permanent impres- 
 sions are made. The other acts promptly and 
 vigorously but only a superficial impression is 
 made. The one is careful; the other heedless. 
 The one screams when punished and perhaps 
 fights, but soon forgets; the other makes little 
 resistance or outcry, but sulks for hours. Many 
 other contrasts will occur to parents and teachers. 
 It is obvious that the same method will not be 
 equally effective in each case. 
 
 These facts are hints of God's ways of shaping 
 the child's life. — Through the orderly processes 
 of nature the child is receiving the better part 
 of his education. The most and the best that 
 the parent or teacher can do is to cooperate with 
 God in this work. Out of the needs and oppor- 
 tunities of the child's nature the best guidance 
 
 [12]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 in the planning of lessons and methods of train- 
 ing must come. The methods that have been 
 approved by the experience of the past are not 
 to be lightly discarded, but the final test must 
 always be their results in shaping the nature of 
 the particular child in whose training they are 
 to be used. It is as an aid to the understanding 
 of child nature that the investigations of child 
 study aid the parent. It is from the point of 
 view here suggested that each topic discussed in 
 the following lessons is approached. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSIONS 
 
 1. Henry Ward Beecher said that if a child were well born the 
 first time he would be willing to take the chances that he would be 
 born again. What did he mean? Do you agree with him? 
 
 2. Mention some definite happenings in your own home that 
 show the child's point of view differs from that of the adult. 
 
 3. Point out some changes that you have noticed in your children 
 as they grew older. 
 
 4. Have you noticed marked differences of temperament in chil- 
 dren of the same parents? Give particulars. 
 
 5. Have you known of cases of children of bad heredity who were 
 brought up under good influences and became worthy people? 
 
 6. Have you known of children who in spite of very unwise train- 
 ing turned out well? If so, how do you explain it? 
 
 [13]
 
 Ill 
 
 TRAINING THE INSTINCTS THAT ARE 
 ASSOCIATED WITH THE PHYSICAL LIFE 
 
 Lesson II. The Training of the Appetite 
 
 In two ways appetite is related to moral life. 
 It largely conditions bodily health and the whole- 
 someness of mental processes, and so affects 
 the susceptibility of the soul to the higher spiri- 
 tual impressions that should lift it above low and 
 selfish aims and standards. Again, the instincts 
 that are associated with the satisfaction of bodily 
 needs are so fundamental in their relation to 
 human nature that their perversion easily leads 
 to faults that are more distinctly moral in their 
 nature. The references below deal with both the 
 preservation of health and the moral problems 
 that are involved. 
 
 The Care and Training of Children, by Le Grand 
 Kerr, pp. 38-58; The Care of the Child in Health, by 
 Nathan Oppenheim, pp. 70-110; The Education of 
 Man, by Friedrich Froebel, Appleton's Edition, pp. 
 60-63; A Study of Child Nature, by Elizabeth Har- 
 rison, pp. 39-56; The Study of the Child, by A. R. Tay- 
 lor, pp. 12-17; Christian Nurture, by Horace Bushnell, 
 pp. 271-288; Making the Best of Our Children, by Eliza- 
 beth Harrison, pp. 45-52; Hints on Child Training, by 
 H. Clay Trumbull, pp. 109-118. 
 
 [14]
 
 TRAINING THE INSTINCTS 
 
 Feed me with the food that is needful for me: lest 
 I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is the Lord? 
 
 — Prov. 30: 8, 9. 
 
 Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever 
 ye do, do all to the glory of God. 
 
 — 1 Cor. 10: 31. 
 
 Nature intended that taste and digestion should 
 be warm friends: we have often made them bitter 
 enemies. — A. R. Taylor. 
 
 A child's appetite in its original normal state can 
 be retained if the proper measures are adopted from 
 the beginning. — Martha B. Mosher. 
 
 Impressions, inclinations, appetites, which the child 
 may have derived from his food, the turn it may have 
 given to his senses and even to his life as a whole, can 
 only with difficulty be set aside, even when the age of 
 self-dependence has been reached. 
 
 — Friedrich Froebel. 
 
 The child is taken, when his training begins, in a 
 state of naturalness, as respects all the bodily tastes 
 and tempers, and the endeavor should be to keep him 
 in that key; to let no stimulation of excess, or deli- 
 cacy, disturb the simplicity of nature, and no sensual 
 pleasuring, in the name of food, become a want or 
 expectation of his appetite. 
 
 — Horace Bushnell. 
 
 The great principle and foundation of all virtue and 
 worth is placed in this: that a man is able to deny him- 
 self his own desires, cross his own inclinations, and 
 purely follow what reason directs as best, though the 
 appetite lean the other way. — John Locke. 
 
 I am impressed more and more with the fact that 
 children, as a general rule, are in greater need of atten- 
 tion to their hygienic surroundings, the perfecting 
 
 [15]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 of their nutrition, and perchance the careful adminis- 
 tration of a suitable tonic, than they are of discipline. 
 
 — Le Grand Kerr. 
 
 A normal appetite is the instinctive impulse to 
 provide the body with the nourishment that it 
 needs. — Not only does a normal appetite prompt 
 to the taking of food in sufficient quantities to 
 maintain bodily welfare, but it also exercises a 
 selection as to the kind of food that shall be taken. 
 Unless it has been perverted it is in the main a 
 safe guide as to diet, because through the long 
 past of the human race it has been shaped by 
 man's needs. Thus sweet foods are naturally 
 attractive to children because sugar is rich in 
 certain food values. So things that are bitter 
 or very sour are distasteful because if they are 
 taken in large quantities they are commonly 
 harmful, while things that are disgusting or nau- 
 seating are those that offer least nourishment or 
 that most endanger health. Not only is it true 
 that the most valuable foods are commonly pal- 
 atable, but it has been, found that the processes 
 of digestion are more readily and fully completed 
 in case of food that is relished. 
 
 The appetite may be perverted by persistent 
 use of improper diet. — Except as it is due to 
 disease this is the only way in which morbid appe- 
 tites are formed. Since instinctive appetite, 
 as we have seen, works directly against the forma- 
 tion of such habits, they are very rarely spontane- 
 ous. Almost invariably they are due to the use 
 of a diet that is provided or urged upon the child 
 by adults, as in case of highly seasoned foods, 
 condiments, etc., or to the overcoming of nat- 
 
 [16]
 
 TRAINING THE INSTINCTS 
 
 ural tastes because of strong social influences, 
 as in case of the use of tobacco and stimulants. 
 Under such circumstances appetite at first pro- 
 tests against the use of such substances, and pain 
 or discomfort follows, but the system so adapts 
 itself to the new food that is forced upon it that 
 while harmful effects continue the appetite comes 
 to demand it. 
 
 A child's appetite may be kept wholesome by 
 regularly providing suitable food and removing 
 the inducements to use that which is harmful. — 
 Thus habit reinforces instinct and the child's 
 welfare is doubly guarded. In planning a child's 
 diet the parent must realize that his requirements 
 are in many ways different from those of the adult, 
 and that if his real needs are satisfied there is 
 much less danger that he will desire unsuitable 
 food. Often abnormal appetites (such as the 
 desire to eat chalk, which is common among school 
 children) are due to a lack of certain necessary 
 elements of diet. Books to which references 
 are made above indicate what the important needs 
 of the child are, and what foods best supply them. 
 
 Habits of indulging appetite at the expense of 
 physical welfare tend toward moral laxness. — If 
 the pleasure which is associated with the use of 
 suitable food as an aid to its selection is made 
 an end in itself to the detriment of health, the 
 perversion of appetite is not the only evil result. 
 These instincts which are designed to conserve 
 bodily welfare. are so fundamental in their nature 
 and have so large a place in the early life of the 
 child that if they are abused, habits of self-indul- 
 gence in other ways are very likely to appear. 
 The ascetic life of extreme and needless self-denial 
 
 [i7l
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 does not always conduce to morality, but the 
 healthful, normal life, in which natural instincts 
 are reinforced by wholesome habits and controlled 
 by reason and the higher feelings, surely lays a 
 firm foundation for every later phase of character 
 building. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 (Discussions as to the proper foods and the necessary quantities 
 of each should be preceded by careful reading of authoritative books 
 on the subject, for recent investigations have made it clear that 
 intelligent parents have often gone astray in their thought and 
 practise in these matters. Several of the books mentioned above 
 deal with them in detail.) 
 
 1. Is it kindness to a child to give him all articles of diet, espe- 
 cially such as are of the nature of luxuries, that older members of 
 the family use? 
 
 2. If not, how shall it be avoided without harming the child by 
 seeming selfishness? Is it wise to have children eat at a separate 
 table? If at the same table, should they leave before the dessert is 
 served? 
 
 3. Should children be allowed to select candy for themselves? 
 What kinds are most wholesome? What are the chief dangers to be 
 guarded against in the use of candy by children? 
 
 4. What conditions favor the development of gluttony in chil- 
 dren? How can it best be corrected? What is the effect of thorough 
 mastication of the food in this connection? 
 
 5. When does gluttony or the choice of unhealthful food become 
 a moral fault? How can it best be punished, if other measures 
 fail? 
 
 6. What are the best methods of teaching temperance to young 
 children? 
 
 7. Realizing that cigarette-smoking is a perversion of appetite, 
 how would you attempt to prevent it in boys? 
 
 [18]
 
 TRAINING THE INSTINCTS 
 
 Lesson III. Dealing with the Restless 
 
 Child 
 
 One of the marked characteristics of young 
 children is their incessant activity. To find a 
 satisfactory means of controlling this is one of the 
 most insistent and difficult problems of the parent. 
 The common method of repression is not success- 
 ful from either the point of view of immediate 
 results or of its effects upon character. Wiser 
 plans are suggested in the following readings: 
 
 A Study of Child Nature, by Elizabeth Harrison, 
 pp. 13-32; The Study of the Child, by A. R. Taylor, 
 pp. 93-105; The Care of the Child in Health, by Nathan 
 Oppenheim, pp. 146-162; The Unfolding Life, by An- 
 toinette A. Lamoreaux, pp. 41-50; The Power of Play, 
 by George H. Archibald, pp. 1-42; Home Occupations 
 for Little Children, by Katherine Beebee. 
 
 The little frame must be exercised. Every human 
 function depends on exercise for its growth and per- 
 fection. — Harriet Martineau. 
 
 No wonder he rolls and runs and jumps and tumbles 
 and pulls and pushes and twists from the moment he 
 opens his eyes in the morning until he is put to bed 
 at night. He cannot help it. He ought not to help 
 it. It is natural with him. This is the way he grows. 
 
 — A. R. Taylor. 
 
 Making a restless child "keep still" is a repression 
 of this nervous energy, which irritates the whole ner- 
 vous system, causing ill-temper, moroseness, and gen- 
 eral uncomfortableness. — Elizabeth Harrison. 
 
 [19]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 The motive back of many a "don't" is worthy, 
 and often there may be no alternative but instantly 
 to check an action, but for the effect on character- 
 building there is a more excellent way than repression. 
 
 — Antoinette A. Lamoreaux. 
 
 The very worst thing that can be done to such a 
 boy or girl is to command him or her to sit still or not 
 to act; and a still worse thing — to make a compara- 
 tive again on the head of a superlative — is to affix 
 to the command painful penalties. 
 
 — James Mark Baldwin. 
 
 Never prohibit anything you cannot prohibit. 
 
 — George H. Archibald. 
 
 Much physical activity is essential if the young 
 child's body is to develop normally. — At this 
 early period of life growth is very rapid. If any 
 muscle is not properly exercised its growth is 
 hindered and deformity results. The instinct 
 that prompts the child to perpetual movement 
 during his waking hours is one that provides for 
 present health and future welfare. Without it 
 the body would be stunted, and the control of 
 the muscles would be imperfect. 
 
 To attempt to repress these movements of 
 the child is to battle with God-ordained laws of 
 nature. — Disaster is sure to follow such effort. 
 A certain amount of energy is generated in the 
 child's body. It must find expression in move- 
 ment. To attempt to check those activities is 
 like closing the safety-valve of an engine. If 
 by strenuous effort success is attained for a time, 
 an explosion is sure to follow. To bid a child 
 to keep still when the voice of God speaking in 
 
 [20]
 
 TRAINING THE INSTINCTS 
 
 his nature bids him wriggle and twist is both 
 foolish and wrong. 
 
 Guidance, not repression, is the solution of 
 the parents' problem. — It is needless to say that 
 the activities of the child are not to be uncon- 
 trolled. The effort should be to find a method 
 of directing these forces into right channels. To 
 tell a child what to do is as easy as to tell him 
 what not to do, and is vastly more effective. 
 Mischief is simply misdirected activity. If a 
 child is merely told not to do an objectionable 
 act, since he must do something he commonly 
 turns to mischief of another kind. If he is 
 guided to legitimate activity, the danger of mis- 
 chief is eliminated and he is besides led to actions 
 that have a value in themselves. 
 
 There is a moral value in substituting guidance 
 for repression of the activities of the child. — To 
 be inactive means real suffering to a healthy 
 child. If his movements are restrained by the will 
 of the parent, the God-given impulse to activity 
 urges him toward self-assertion and opposition. 
 The parent who continually says "Don't" to 
 the child is of necessity building up in him the 
 habitual spirit of rebellion and disobedience. 
 
 On the other hand, when the child acts in a way 
 that has been suggested by the parent he is uncon- 
 sciously receiving a training in obedience. He 
 is learning to submit himself to the guidance 
 of the parent, and harmony of will is fostered. 
 The moral value of such training can hardly be 
 overestimated. 
 
 [21]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 1. Bring from your own observation illustrations of the danger 
 of dealing with the child by the method of repression. 
 
 2. Give illustrations of the tactful control of children by suggest- 
 ing activities. 
 
 3. If a child annoys others by restlessness in church, how would 
 you correct it? What would be the effect of giving him vigorous 
 exercise just before the service? 
 
 4. Rainy days are particularly trying to mothers because of the 
 noisy play of children who are kept indoors. What suitable activ- 
 ities can you suggest for such occasions? 
 
 5. Sunday is sometimes a dreaded day to children because ordi- 
 nary active play is forbidden. What are some unobjectionable 
 Sunday activities? 
 
 6. How would you answer the mother who says she has not time 
 to plan things for her children to do? 
 
 [22]
 
 TRAINING THE INSTINCTS 
 
 Lesson IV. Dealing with the Nervous 
 
 Child 
 
 The problems of child training are greatly- 
 increased when a child is not rested, well nour- 
 ished, and in a normal condition of health. When 
 the abnormal conditions are slight the dangers 
 in moral training are especially great because 
 they are overlooked in the average case. The 
 following readings will be of value to parents 
 who wish to understand these conditions and to 
 know how to deal with the child in view of them. 
 Nursery Ethics, by Florence Winterburn, pp. 
 170-173; The Care and Training of Children, by 
 Le Grand Kerr, pp. 1 15-125; The Nervous Sys- 
 tem of the Child, by Francis Warner, pp. 180-184; 
 The Study of Children, by Francis Warner, pp. 
 141-148. 
 
 The chief means of preventing exhaustion lie in the 
 early recognition of the signs of fatigue. 
 
 — Francis Warner. 
 
 When the body is in a morbid condition there is 
 not present sufficient energy to make one's self do right. 
 There is no confidence, no faith, and an effort seems 
 not worth the while. So a much greater degree of 
 tact and patience are necessary in dealing with ailing 
 children than with well ones. 
 
 — Florence Winterburn. 
 
 The adult confides to his friends the dread which 
 he has of the morrow and its duties; he tells of uncon- 
 trollable imaginations of error or wrong, of his irrita- 
 bility, which he always attributes to his not feeling 
 well, and a hundred and one complaints of which he 
 is, to his view, the undeserving victim. But the child 
 
 [23]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 conceals these things; he is irritable and fretful, but 
 he makes no excuses; he may exhibit fits of passion or 
 wilfulness that are unnatural for him; ... he shows 
 without audible complaint that there is something 
 wrong. 
 
 — Le Grand Kerr. 
 
 The faults of children are often in large measure 
 due to their physical condition. — Most mothers 
 and many fathers are particularly nervous at 
 times. They know that these are also days when 
 their children are unusually cross, but many fail 
 to realize that the conditions are essentially the 
 same. There are times when it is far harder 
 for the child to control himself than it is for the 
 nervous parent to do it, for the child lacks the 
 understanding of his own case and the developed 
 powers of self-control that aid the adult. Under 
 such circumstances the child should receive patient 
 and thoughtful treatment. He cannot be at his 
 best at such times, and often cannot profit by 
 ordinary methods of discipline. 
 
 The parent should be watchful for such occa- 
 sions. — Sometimes the condition is due to 
 fatigue. An evening entertainment that delays 
 the hour of going to bed, the loss of the usual 
 afternoon nap, the nervous stimulation of an unac- 
 customed romp with other children — these and 
 similar unusual circumstances affect the child 
 much more strongly than many parents realize. 
 Certain more usual conditions should also put the 
 parent on guard. A thoughtful mother said to 
 the writer, " I try to be very patient with my 
 children after four o'clock in the afternoon, for 
 I know that then they are getting tired." Bur- 
 
 [24]
 
 TRAINING THE INSTINCTS 
 
 densome school tasks sometimes affect children 
 in this way. 
 
 Besides these conditions which in themselves 
 suggest the danger, there are others which should 
 be recognized. Often the first symptom that a 
 child is "coming down with the measles" or 
 some other disease is his unusual irritability. 
 After the nature of the disease has appeared, 
 many a parent has been conscience-smitten at 
 the thought of the harsh discipline of the preced- 
 ing day. Bad temper in a usually tractable 
 child should always suggest the possibility of 
 illness as an explanation. 
 
 In such cases the first step is to avoid clashes 
 of will between parent and child. — This does not 
 imply that the child is to be allowed to have his 
 way in spite of the better judgment of the parent, 
 but that it is wise tactfully to "manage" him 
 rather than to resort to corrective discipline. 
 If the child is not in such physical condition as 
 to profit by such measures it is better to avoid 
 the issue. It is true, however, that if wise re- 
 tributive punishments are used the necessity for 
 this is minimized. 
 
 This immediate step should be promptly fol- 
 lowed by an effort to correct the unfortunate con- 
 ditions. — Putting the child to bed, telling stories 
 or reading to him as a substitute for active play 
 with other children, calling the doctor, keeping 
 home from school, or such other methods as are 
 suggested by the needs of the particular case 
 should be the next resort. But it should be 
 understood that these are not in any sense to be 
 regarded as punishments. To send an over-tired 
 and nervous child to bed with the sting of unmer- 
 
 [25]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 ited punishment in his heart is not to help correct 
 the conditions that have caused the trouble. If 
 the child is in a really normal condition the case 
 is not of the kind that is here discussed. If he 
 is not, surely the treatment should be directed 
 to the cause of the misconduct. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 1. Is there danger to discipline in avoiding the issue in case of 
 a petulant and irritable child under circumstances such as have 
 been suggested above? 
 
 2. What would you say of the danger to good discipline of resort- 
 ing to punishment under such circumstances? 
 
 3. Relate from your own, observation cases in which children 
 have been misunderstood in the ways hinted at in the lesson. 
 
 4. Have you used methods such as have been suggested above? 
 With what success? 
 
 5. Give illustrations of tactful ways of avoiding the issue when a 
 child is not in a condition for ordinary discipline. 
 
 [26]
 
 TRAINING THE INSTINCTS 
 
 Lesson V. Teaching the Child about 
 
 Sex 
 
 Few duties are more important or more dreaded 
 by parents than the giving of instruction of this 
 kind. In the past it has been almost wholly 
 neglected, but in these days large numbers of 
 parents are attempting to guard their children 
 from the dangers of ignorance and misinformation 
 and unclean suggestion. Among many books 
 which are designed to aid in this the following 
 titles have been selected as among the very best as 
 guides to parents of young children. The Moral 
 Problem of the Children, by Rose Wood-Allen 
 Chapman (published by The Mary Wood-Allen 
 Fund, 601 W. 156 St., N. Y., at 20 cts.); What a 
 Young Girl Ought to Know, by Mary Wood- 
 Allen and Sylvanus Stall; What a Young Boy 
 Ought to Know, by Sylvanus Stall. (In the same 
 series with the last two are books for young people 
 and adults.) 
 
 Why is this an improper subject? Why is it not 
 as sweet and clean as any other? Why is not birth a 
 holy thing, and motherhood and fatherhood an equally 
 holy thing? Reverence for a thing, and a sense of its 
 uncleanness are incompatible feelings. I plead for 
 a healthy, natural reverence for this sacred relation of 
 life — and real reverence is based only on knowledge 
 and understanding. — William M. Salter. 
 
 The great work that we are to do for our children 
 is more that of giving them the right atmosphere than 
 it is simply presenting to them the facts. 
 
 — Rose Wood-Allen Chapman. 
 
 [27]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 In my opinion the wisest parents will . . . teach 
 "here a little and there a little" while the child is not 
 only young, but very young. 
 
 — Jennie B. Merrill. 
 
 It is unsafe to leave a child ignorant about 
 sex. — The writer firmly believes that a major- 
 ity of the evils that appear in connection with 
 this phase of human nature could be avoided by 
 simple, frank instruction of children and youth. 
 The great trouble has been that parents who have 
 clean ideas about sex and its relations have kept 
 their lips sealed on the subject, and have left 
 their children to get such information as they 
 could from other children and ignorant servants 
 or from vicious persons who are always ready to 
 talk of these things. Even if it were desirable, 
 children cannot be kept in ignorance of these 
 things. Through the parents' neglect their thoughts 
 of these matters have too often been perverted 
 and impure from the first. The aim should be 
 to preempt the ground for cleanness and truth. 
 
 The child's natural curiosity opens the oppor- 
 tunity to give such instruction in a healthful 
 way. — The invariable questions as to his own 
 origin and as to where his baby brother or sister 
 came from and his observation of pets, domestic 
 animals, and wild creatures about the home 
 introduce the subject in the ideal way. Thus the 
 essential facts about the origin of life can be clearly 
 given at a time and in a way that cannot pos- 
 sibly offer any suggestion of impurity. A child 
 who is so taught feels as he grows older that he 
 has always known these things. Nature's ways 
 seem natural to him. There is no shock of reve- 
 
 [28]
 
 TRAINING THE INSTINCTS 
 
 lation at a time when it is unfortunate that his 
 thought should be strongly directed to these 
 things. If the information has been wisely 
 given his ideas have been pure from the first and 
 they are not easily perverted. On the other 
 hand, it is not strange that children go wrong 
 when all their education in these matters has pre- 
 pared for it. 
 
 The giving of such instruction is the parents' 
 work. — The peculiar nature of the task makes 
 this appropriate. Such a plan makes it easy 
 for the cultivation of modesty to parallel the giv- 
 ing of this information; this can be the child's 
 secret with his mother. It is especially desirable 
 that this should be a part of home education 
 because the child's questions arise there chiefly, 
 and so it makes it possible for him to receive 
 the instruction while his curiosity is awake, 
 and to receive it naturally and simply rather 
 than by a formal lesson. It is especially impor- 
 tant because it opens the way for future confi- 
 dences when the child meets new problems and 
 faces new dangers. 
 
 Many parents shrink from this duty because 
 they do not know how the information should 
 be given. It can be safely, delicately, and easily 
 done. There are many recent books which are 
 especially designed to aid in this. It is earnestly 
 recommended that parents read as many as pos- 
 sible of the references that are given above. 
 
 Such instruction should be progressive. — 
 Only such information should be given to the 
 young child as he needs, but further details must 
 be given when curiosity widens and new dangers 
 surround the growing boy or girl. A number of 
 
 [29]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 books mentioned above suggest in detail plans 
 for graded instruction. For the general guidance 
 of the parent it may be said that when the child 
 wants the information is the time when it should 
 be given. But it must be remembered that if 
 the parent has not answered the child's early 
 questions, those that arise at a later and more 
 critical period will not spontaneously come to 
 the parent, but to those who have secretly satis- 
 fied the child's curiosity in the past. A parent 
 who is unwilling to open the matter in such a 
 case can at least put a carefully chosen book in 
 the hands of the youth or maiden. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 1. Judging from your own experience as a child and from your 
 observation as an adult, do you think it is safe to leave a child unin- 
 formed as to these things? 
 
 2. Have you known of any cases in which parents have given 
 such instruction to their children? If so, what were the results? 
 
 3. Do you know the attitude of children in the public schools as 
 to these things? Is it healthful and normal? 
 
 4. If not, what can be done to correct the conditions? 
 
 5. What are the practical difficulties in carrying out the plans 
 that have been suggested? 
 
 6. What are the best books oft this subject of which you know? 
 
 [30]
 
 IV 
 
 HOW TO DEAL WITH THE CHILD'S 
 
 FEARS 
 
 How to deal wisely with the many fears of 
 children is one of the most important problems 
 of child training. There are needless fears to 
 be corrected and at times useful ones to be stim- 
 ulated. There are instinctive fears that guard 
 his welfare when reason does not tell him of 
 danger, and fears of imagination which must 
 be understood before they can be dispelled. 
 There is danger that fear, having undue place in 
 discipline, may intrude itself in the relations of 
 child and parent, and even that it may hold the 
 soul aloof from the God whose nature is love. 
 
 Helpful suggestions as to the various ways 
 in which the parent must deal with fear are 
 found in the following books, as many as pos- 
 sible of which should be consulted in connection 
 with Lessons VI to IX: Hints on Child Training, 
 by H. Clay Trumbull, pp. 223-239; Household 
 Education, by Harriet Martineau, pp. 109-119; 
 Our Children, by Paul Carus, pp. 178-189; Child- 
 hood, by Mrs. Theodore Birney, pp. 22-31; Studies 
 of Childhood, by James Sully, pp. 191-227; 
 Glimpses of Child Nature, by Angelina Wray, 
 pp. 64-74; Fear: Its Place in Human Nature 
 and Methods for its Culture, by Edward P. 
 St. John, The Pilgrim Teacher, November, 19 10. 
 
 [31]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 Lesson VI. The Meaning of the Child's 
 
 Fears 
 
 Fear is, I believe, the greatest moral suffering of 
 children. — George Sand. 
 
 Happy those little ones who have ever near them 
 loving arms within whose magic circle the oncoming 
 of the cruel fit of terror is instantly checked, giving 
 place to a delicious calm. How unhappy those chil- 
 dren must be who, being fearsome by nature, lack 
 this refuge, who are left much alone to wrestle with 
 their horrors as best they may, and are rudely repulsed 
 when they bear their heart-quaking to others. 
 
 — James Sully. 
 
 The function of fear. — All men, and all animals 
 except the very lowest, know what it is to fear. 
 Since Nature has made the feeling a part of the 
 universal equipment for life it must have an 
 important meaning and a real value. A very little 
 observation and thought show that it is her provi- 
 sion for the welfare of a creature when it faces a 
 danger that it cannot overcome. Impelled by 
 fear, it flees and so finds safety. The weaker 
 animals, because they are not so well equipped 
 for a successful struggle, are more subject to fear. 
 "As timid as a hare" becomes very significant 
 when one considers how defenseless the creature is. 
 
 The savage with his poor weapons and ineffect- 
 ive tools is more subject to fears that grow out 
 of his every-day contact with nature than is 
 the civilized man. So woman, because she is not 
 so well fitted to battle with the forces of nature or 
 with evil-disposed persons, is more timid than man. 
 
 [32]
 
 HOW TO DEAL WITH THE CHILD'S FEARS 
 
 Why the child is so fearful. — In view of the 
 function of fear it is not strange that the little 
 child is especially subject to it. Physically he 
 is among the weakest of all creatures. Intel- 
 lectually he is undeveloped, and hence is unable 
 to devise methods of outwitting his enemies or 
 even to determine the limits at which real danger 
 is past. As he grows older and becomes wiser 
 and stronger, fear has less value, and gradually 
 it comes to have a smaller place in his experience. 
 
 When one realizes how valuable the child's 
 fears are and how important a place they have 
 in God's provision for his welfare, they will not 
 be regarded lightly. The thoughtful parent will 
 never ignore, ridicule, rebuke, or despise the fears 
 of a child. 
 
 The nature of fear. — Fear belongs to the emo- 
 tional nature of the child. It is not under the 
 power of his will. No one can choose to fear 
 or not to fear a certain experience any more than 
 he can arbitrarily decide that he will love or hate 
 a particular person and then proceed to do it. 
 Fear, like every other feeling, is the product 
 of certain conditions. When one believes him- 
 self to be in danger, fear follows of necessity. 
 Until the sense of danger is removed the fear 
 cannot pass. This may be accomplished in 
 different ways; the threatening object may dis- 
 appear; one whom he trusts may come to his 
 rescue; he may gain further knowledge that 
 indicates that the danger is past; but in some 
 way the impression that he is about to receive 
 an injury must be dispelled before the fear can 
 be dissipated. 
 
 Hence simply to urge a child not to be afraid 
 
 [33]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 is useless; to command it is folly; to punish a 
 child for fear is inhumanity. The first step toward 
 the conquering of a child's fears is to remove the 
 danger which occasions them, or, if there is no 
 real danger, to convince him of that fact. To 
 force him into association with that which he 
 still fears is to increase his terror. A very intense 
 emotional experience of that kind may be so 
 deeply registered in the nervous system that the 
 feeling persists after there is full knowledge that 
 there is no real danger. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 1. Mention some of the foolish fears of childhood which have 
 come under your own observation. Study their origin. Were they 
 foolish from the child's point of view? 
 
 2. When a boy was sent for the first time to have his hair cut at 
 the barber shop he wept bitterly and refused to go. When he was 
 asked why he was afraid he said, "The barber will pull out all of my 
 hair!" His mother asked what made him think so, and he re- 
 plied, "Look at Uncle Al's head." How would you deal with such 
 a case? 
 
 3. A father, finding that his boy was afraid of a locomotive, in 
 order to demonstrate that it would not harm him, dragged him 
 beside one as it stood puffing and hissing at the station. The child 
 was too frightened to look at the engine, and continually struggled 
 to escape. What is likely to be the result of such an experience 
 upon the child's tendency to fear it? 
 
 4. Aside from the direct influence upon the child's fear, are any 
 unfortunate results to be expected? 
 
 5. How would you deal with such a case? 
 
 6. Give from your reading or observation illustrations of fears 
 whose real significance was misunderstood by parents or teachers. 
 Suggest better ways of dealing with these cases. 
 
 [34]
 
 HOW TO DEAL WITH THE CHILD'S FEARS 
 
 Lesson VII. How to Deal with Different 
 Kinds of Fear 
 
 Place yourself in the child's place, and thence start 
 for further operations. — Paul Carus. 
 
 Until a child's reasoning faculties are developed 
 through contact with fact and experience, the odds 
 are tremendously against him in his battle with fear, 
 and it is a duty wisely and tenderly to help him in 
 this as in other processes of his development. 
 
 — Mrs. Theodore Birney. 
 
 The hardest fears to control are the fears that are 
 purely of the imagination; and no other fears call for 
 such considerate tenderness of treatment. 
 
 — H. Clay Trumbull. 
 
 Instinctive fears. — Certain experiences have 
 been so universally harmful that the fear of 
 them has become hereditary; the child fears 
 them instinctively before he has had experience 
 of them. This is illustrated in the fear of dark- 
 ness, of strangers, of loud noises, of rapidly mov- 
 ing objects, of high places, etc. All of these 
 fears were directly serviceable to our savage 
 ancestors, and even in our own social environment 
 they are, in the main, of real value. Thus the 
 fear of strangers saves the child from some real 
 danger of contracting contagious and infectious 
 diseases, and lessens the danger of kidnapping 
 which is not wholly to be ignored even in 
 these days. The fear of darkness deters the 
 child from making investigations which would 
 lead to falling down the cellar stairs. Loud 
 noises are almost invariably accompanied by 
 
 I 35l
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 some sudden release of great power. These 
 fears, then, are not to be eliminated, but only to be 
 modified in relation to such occasions as are really- 
 harmless. 
 
 Fears based upon experience. — These are 
 almost always serviceable. The exceptions are 
 when the combination of circumstances is unusual, 
 or when the child has blundered in his own rela- 
 tion to them. Here nature is most effectively 
 the parent's helper in the training of the child. 
 Perhaps the commonest mistake in relation to 
 them is in unduly shielding the child from the 
 experiences that could give rise to these helpful 
 fears. Some wise parents, after warning the 
 child of the danger of playing with fire and 
 repeatedly advising against it, have permitted 
 him, while under careful observation, to have 
 matches that he might, by burning his fingers, 
 learn the lesson in nature's way. A prohibition 
 after such an experience would be ten times as 
 effective as it could be if natural fear of the real 
 danger were not enforcing it. 
 
 When an unfortunate experience causes a 
 needless fear it may be corrected by explaining 
 the peculiar circumstances, by showing one's 
 own lack of fear, and by gradually leading the 
 child into association with the dreaded object 
 under favorable conditions. 
 
 Fears due to misunderstanding or imagination. 
 — Such are dream fears, the fear of ghosts and 
 other supernatural beings, and many others which 
 are due to children's misinterpretations of the 
 remarks of their elders. Because of their igno- 
 rance, children are especially subject to these. 
 The parent should understand that however triv- 
 
 [36]
 
 HOW TO DEAL WITH THE CHILD'S FEARS 
 
 ial their cause from the adult point of view the 
 child's fears are as real as if the danger were as 
 great as he supposes it to be, and that they 
 deserve as thoughtful and patient treatment as 
 any others. Often the misunderstanding of a 
 single unfamiliar word is the occasion for long- 
 continued suffering on the part of a child. Thus 
 a child who had been taught by his grandfather, 
 who was a clergyman, to repeat the verse, " The 
 zeal of thy house has eaten me up," believed the 
 church to be inhabited by a terrible wild beast. 
 The only way in which such a fear can be removed 
 is by correcting the child's misapprehension, 
 whether it be by a clear explanation, or through 
 the gradual attainment of knowledge through 
 the child's experience. The first step toward 
 correcting them is to know exactly what the 
 child fears, and how the fear first arose. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 1. If you believe that the fear of darkness has some real value, 
 what would you do about having the child sleep in a dark room? 
 
 2. Give from your own observation cases of needless fears that 
 were the product of experience. How would you deal with these 
 cases? 
 
 3. Give illustrations of fears of the imagination. How would 
 you correct them? 
 
 4. Illustrate from your own experience fears due to misunder- 
 standing and indicate ways of dealing with these particular cases. 
 
 [37]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 Lesson VIII. The Place of Fear in 
 Home Discipline 
 
 "The child heart is so shy a thing;" 
 
 It opens at love's tender call. 
 
 It closes when fear's shadows fall. 
 "The child heart is so shy a thing." 
 
 — Angelina W. Wray. 
 
 Anger robs obedience of its sweetness. 
 
 — Elizabeth Grinnell. 
 
 Sternness must be absolutely avoided, for as lying 
 shows fear, anything which increases this sentiment 
 only drives the culprit farther from the truth. 
 
 — Florence Hull Winterburn. 
 
 The most essential thing for a timid infant is to 
 have an absolutely unfailing refuge in its mother. 
 
 — Harriet Martineau. 
 
 Fear of the parent is not an effective motive of 
 obedience. — Fear has at best only a negative 
 value in moral training. The most that it can 
 accomplish is to deter the child from wrong-doing. 
 It never gives him a positive impulse to do the 
 right as love, or self-respect, or altruistic feeling 
 may do. While it may secure outward obedi- 
 ence it may leave the child as wrong at heart as 
 before. 
 
 It interferes with the most helpful relations 
 between parent and child. — Fear is the feeling 
 with which a child ordinarily responds to an enemy 
 and it serves to lessen the possibility of any asso- 
 ciation between them. The parent surely is 
 the child's best human friend, and the normal atti- 
 tude of love between them is designed to bring 
 them into closest association that the child may 
 
 [38]
 
 HOW TO DEAL WITH THE CHILD'S FEARS 
 
 profit to the full by the wisdom and strength 
 and self-sacrifice of the father and the mother. 
 This God-ordered relation between parent and 
 child is by far the strongest influence that can 
 be brought to bear upon the heart and life of 
 the young. Any humanly devised mode of dis- 
 cipline that interferes with it is surely a misguided 
 effort for the child's welfare. 
 
 If strongly stimulated it leads to deception 
 and falsehood on the part of the child. — In the 
 young child this is due to the fact that he is by 
 nature's plan the slave of his instinctive feelings. 
 When he sees a parent's stern or angry face and 
 hears the harsh voice, his fear masters him so that 
 he is not able to tell the truth. The same instinct 
 which prompts him to save himself from a harsh 
 and unloving stranger is stirred when a parent so 
 far forgets himself as to manifest anger toward 
 the child. 
 
 If the older child is controlled only by the fear 
 of the parent, he knows that if he can deceive 
 him, he can escape the consequences that he 
 dreads, and hence deliberate deception is common 
 in such cases. 
 
 But the child should fear to break the immu- 
 table laws of God. — Whether they are written 
 in the Bible or whether they are those that men 
 have discovered in other ways, and call laws of 
 nature, or laws of health, or moral laws, this is 
 true. Faithfully to interpret these laws to a 
 child, and wisely to punish for infraction of them, 
 is a parent's duty. Indeed, one of the most 
 important lessons that a child ever learns is that 
 he cannot break one of Cod's laws without suf- 
 fering because of it. While his heart should go 
 
 (39)
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 out in love to his parent and to God he must 
 learn to fear the consequences of broken law. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 A little boy had been forbidden to open his mother's desk lest he 
 spill ink upon the carpet. In a moment of temptation he disobeyed, 
 and the dreaded accident followed. Bursting into tears, he ran to 
 his mother's arms, saying, "Oh, mamma, I spilt the ink; I opened 
 the desk and spilt the ink!" He knew that he had disobeyed and 
 that he would be punished, but in his trouble he sought his mother 
 first of all. 
 
 i. There was no fear of the mother. Was there any evidence 
 of an unwise mode of discipline? 
 
 2. Would you punish a child under such circumstances? 
 
 3. One cannot break God's laws without suffering for it. Can 
 the parent omit punishment in such a case without danger of lessen- 
 ing the child's appreciation of this fact? 
 
 4. The child seemed to be truly repentant. If punishment 
 which seems just to him is inflicted, will it tend to increase this feel- 
 ing or to weaken it? If the punishment is omitted might the feeling 
 be lost more easily? 
 
 5. How would you deal with a child who lies to escape punish- 
 ment? 
 
 6. Describe, for discussion in the class, cases of discipline which 
 illustrate the suggestions of this lesson or the dangers of unwise 
 stimulation of fear. 
 
 [40]
 
 HOW TO DEAL WITH THE CHILD'S FEARS 
 
 Lesson IX. The Place of Fear in Religious 
 
 Education 
 
 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. 
 
 — Ps. iii:io. 
 
 Perfect love casteth out fear. — i John 4:18. 
 
 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. 
 
 — Ps. 56:3. 
 
 No man or woman can be a faithful servant of 
 duty, qualified to live, suffer, and die for it, who has 
 not grown up in awe of something higher than him- 
 self, in veneration of some powers greater than he can 
 understand; and this awe and veneration have in them 
 a large element of fear at the beginning. 
 
 — Harriet Martineau. 
 
 Fear has too large a place in much of the re- 
 ligious training of the child. — Some theologians 
 and preachers of a few generations ago used all 
 the resources of language and all the arts of ora- 
 tory to make God seem terrible to men. Great 
 changes have come, but we are not yet wholly 
 free from the influence of those who would scare 
 children into the kingdom of heaven. Even yet, 
 to some children the dominant conception of God 
 is that of the cruel judge or the great policeman 
 in the sky who spends his time in trying to dis- 
 cover the sins of children in order that he may 
 punish them by and by. God is the child's best 
 friend; fear is designed to save the child from an 
 enemy. The attitudes of loving trust and joy- 
 ful obedience are those that will bring the most 
 helpful relations with him. The parent who 
 teaches his child to shrink from the thought of 
 
 I 41]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 the presence of God has done him perhaps the 
 greatest wrong that one can do another soul. 
 We may well hesitate artificially to stimulate 
 fear of Him whose very nature is love. 
 
 But awe stirred by God's mighty power is an 
 element in the reverential attitude. — Reverence 
 is compounded of fear and love. It is the feeling 
 that rises when we think at once of the greatness 
 and the goodness of God. It is the blending of 
 the responses to the impression of his mighty 
 power, which could wipe us out of existence in 
 an instant, with that which follows the thought of 
 his love and care. It is to be cultivated not so 
 much by the artificial method of commanding 
 the hushed voice and solemn step in the church 
 as by bringing to the child the thought of God's 
 love and care at times when he feels dread at 
 some manifestation of his power in nature. The 
 moment when the child is cowering in fear in the 
 midst of a storm is that of the parent's oppor- 
 tunity. At the same time one may help to quiet 
 his fears and instil that attitude of reverential 
 awe which really comes forth from his inner 
 nature, and will find expression in the church, 
 and elsewhere as well. 
 
 The thought of the presence of God should 
 serve to lessen and remove many of the child's 
 fears. — An illustration will best present the 
 thought. A little child had a troubled dream 
 of some monster that came from the dark closet 
 and pursued him through the house. Later, 
 when his mother found him fearing that this 
 creature haunted the dark corners, she told him 
 of God's presence and his loving care, and went 
 with him into the darkness until his fear was 
 
 [42]
 
 HOW TO DEAL WITH THE CHILD'S FEARS 
 
 so quieted that he could stand alone in the open 
 closet door and say, "I am not afraid because 
 God is right here, and he is taking care of me all 
 the time." The result of such teaching as that 
 will be that whenever the child feels a fear his 
 thoughts will trustfully turn to God. Compare 
 the result with that of such teaching as leads 
 the child to think of him with terror or with 
 dread. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 1. A five-year-old boy of the writer's acquaintance had told a 
 lie. His godly grandmother pointed to the crackling fire and said, 
 "If you do that, by and by God will put you in a place like this and 
 burn you up forever." What is likely to be the effect of such train- 
 ing? If a child had been so taught, how would you deal with him? 
 
 2. A little child had shown great fear during a visit to Niagara 
 Falls. Some time afterward he asked his mother, "Who pours the 
 water over Niagara Falls?" How would you answer the child in 
 such a case? 
 
 3. There are humorous stories that indicate otherwise, but from 
 your own observation are not the fears of children who dread to 
 sleep in the dark lessened by the thought of God's presence? 
 
 4. When one mother tried to quiet her child thus she became more 
 frightened at the thought of God's presence. What was the trouble? 
 What would you do in such a case? 
 
 5. A mother quieted her child's fear of ghosts by saying: "They 
 are angels. If they ever come about us it is to help us. They only 
 come when God sends them." To a friend she justified it by quot- 
 ing Heb. 1: 14. What do you think of this? 
 
 6. There are no better expressions of reverence than in the 
 Psalms. Turn to the 29th, the 93d, and the 135th. What seems to 
 have stirred the feeling in each of these cases? 
 
 7. Have you known of cases where children have seemed to 
 show a reverential attitude under similar circumstances? 
 
 8. Mention any helpful or harmful appeals to fear in religious 
 instruction of children which have come to your notice. 
 
 [43]
 
 V 
 
 HOW TO DEAL WITH THE ANGRY 
 
 CHILD 
 
 Anger is one of the first feelings to manifest itself 
 in the young child. It is one of the most unlovely 
 traits of childhood, and one of the most difficult 
 to control. But it is also true that the one who 
 rarely feels it often suffers wrong, and that, 
 when it is stirred by the unjust sufferings of 
 others, it impels most strongly to the righting 
 of those wrongs. Manifestly there must be 
 thoughtful action on the parent's part if the 
 child is to be so trained that he will experience 
 anger as a virtue and escape it as a vice. 
 
 There are few references to anger in the popu- 
 lar books on child training, probably because it 
 is commonly regarded as wholly wrong, and be- 
 cause of the lack of successful methods for its 
 control. The following readings, however, will 
 be helpful in connection with Lessons X to XII: 
 Hints on Early Education and Nursery Disci- 
 pline (published by Funk & Wagnalls), pp. 
 33-36 (a brief reference, but particularly good); 
 Nursery Ethics, by Florence Hull Winterburn, 
 pp. 1 00-115; Teachers'' Handbook of Psychology, 
 by James Sully, pp. 307-311; Our Children, by 
 Paul Carus, pp. 38-66; Education as a Science, 
 by Alexander Bain, pp. 72-77; Psychology in the 
 
 [44]
 
 HOW TO DEAL WITH THE ANGRY CHILD 
 
 Schoolroom, by Dexter and Garlick, pp. 218-225; 
 Glimpses of Child Nature, by Angelina Wray, 
 pp. 122-137; As the Twig is Bent, by Susan 
 Chenery, pp. 78-88; Ethics for Young People, by 
 C. C. Everett, pp. 106-109; What Anger Contrib- 
 utes to Character and the Training that the Impulse 
 Needs, by Edward P. St. John, The Pilgrim 
 Teacher, December, 1910. 
 
 [45l
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 Lesson X. When Anger is a Virtue 
 
 Be ye angry and sin not. — Eph. 4: 26. 
 
 The one who has never felt his hands clinch and 
 his heart beat faster at the sight or tale of injustice 
 or oppression has missed something in his education. 
 
 — Edward P. St. John. 
 
 Anger is a natural instinct of defense by which one 
 wards off or punishes injury to others, or to one's 
 self. — C. C. Everett. 
 
 Anger should be a great and diffused power in life, 
 making it strenuous, giving zest and power to the 
 struggle for survival, and rising to righteous indigna- 
 tion. — G. Stanley Hall. 
 
 Anger is apt to be a very unjust judge. To look at 
 an act through an angry mood is like looking at an 
 object through a magnifying glass. 
 
 — C. C. Everett. 
 
 The value of anger to the individual. — Fear 
 serves a useful purpose because it prompts one 
 to flee from harm, but it always involves a cer- 
 tain loss; life is saved by abandoning one's prop- 
 erty or one's rights. If the enemy is not too strong 
 to be overcome, anger is a more useful response 
 to the threatened injury. It prompts one to 
 defend his person, his property, his rights, his 
 reputation, and to keep at a distance the enemy 
 whose attitude is malicious. When the conditions 
 are such as these, anger can hardly be con- 
 demned. In cases where the wrong that is suf- 
 fered is relatively slight the principle is the same, 
 
 [46]
 
 HOW TO DEAL WITH THE ANGRY CHILD 
 
 though the response should of course be propor- 
 tioned to the occasion. 
 
 How anger serves others. — When one sees 
 bitter suffering inflicted upon a child because of 
 the selfishness or wanton cruelty of an adult 
 there can be but one response. This is indigna- 
 tion — anger stirred by the wrongs of another. 
 It prompts to such action as will defend the suf- 
 ferer and tend to discourage the repetition of the 
 misdeed. This, again, is surely a moral impulse 
 — one that needs to be wisely and justly con- 
 trolled, but one that ought not to be wholly elim- 
 inated. Anger because of the needless sufferings 
 of others is one of the chief incentives in worthy 
 reform movements of every kind. The man 
 whose attitude toward the forces of evil that 
 are intrenched in our social system is that of 
 fear rather than anger is neither a good citizen 
 nor a worthy Christian. 
 
 Anger becomes a sin when its function is per- 
 verted. — Its legitimate purpose is defense, and 
 only to the extent that it accomplishes this 
 is it of value. Ordinarily the degree of anger is 
 proportioned to the sense of injury, but this is 
 not always true. Anger may appear with insuffi- 
 cient cause, or, to put it in another way, it may 
 be stronger than the occasion demands. That 
 one should not resent an unjust attack upon his 
 character is certainly an evidence of moral weak- 
 ness, but to shoot a man for calling one a liar is 
 at least equally conclusive evidence. Even the 
 unselfish form of anger is subject to such excess, 
 as the savage lynchings of criminals in commu- 
 nities where there are well ordered courts of jus- 
 tice testify. 
 
 [47]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 1. Sometimes the hungry baby refuses his bottle. If it is repeat- 
 edly offered him, he begins to scream in rage. What is usually found 
 to be the occasion for this? Is there any other way in which he could 
 have protected his welfare? 
 
 2. Are there other cases in which anger serves a useful purpose 
 in the every-day life of the infant? Mention such as you have ob- 
 served. 
 
 3. Violent anger is more common in children who cannot talk 
 than in older ones. In case of older children those who are deaf 
 and dumb are more given to violent fits of passion than those who can 
 talk. Do you see a reason for this? 
 
 4. From your own experience give illustrations of justifiable 
 anger in children. 
 
 [48]
 
 HOW TO DEAL WITH THE ANGRY CHILD 
 
 Lesson XL How to Train the Anger 
 
 Impulse 
 
 He whose spirit is without restraint 
 
 Is like a city that is broken down and without walls. 
 
 — Proverbs 25:28. 
 
 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty. 
 
 — Proverbs 16:32. 
 
 The discretion of a man maketh him slow to anger. 
 
 — Proverbs 19:11. 
 
 If you crush the fighting instinct, you get the cow- 
 ard; if you let it grow wild, you get the bully; if you 
 train it, you have the strong, self-controlled man of will. 
 
 — Thomas M. Balliet. 
 
 There are, perhaps, some rare cases where 
 it is wise to stimulate anger. — The child who 
 makes no resistance when injury is inflicted or 
 threatened is poorly equipped for life. Such a 
 one is almost sure to develop a weak character 
 which makes him less successful as an individual 
 and less useful to society. But nature very 
 rarely fails to provide the child with well devel- 
 oped self-protective feelings, and where other con- 
 ditions appear it is commonly the result of unwise 
 repressive training by the parent. 
 
 Violent anger in the young child should not 
 alarm the parent. — It is a law of human devel- 
 opment that the feelings of the young child, like 
 those of the lower races of men, are more intense 
 and explosive than those of the adult. The 
 mother whose child throws himself upon the floor 
 and kicks and screams in blind passion until lie 
 is exhausted should understand that she is not 
 dealing with a degenerate, but with a child who 
 
 [49]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 is probably normal and who is manifesting very 
 common childish impulses. The natural tendency 
 is for such violent passions to become milder 
 and more controlled as the child grows older. 
 
 The anger impulse, like every other, grows 
 through exercise. — The more frequently it is 
 stimulated, the more it comes to dominate the 
 nature of the child. Even the disposition of a 
 horse or a dog can be spoiled by continued unkind 
 treatment. This principle is one of the most 
 important for the parent, particularly in its 
 relation to discipline. Scolding, and especially 
 " nagging," is almost invariably harmful because 
 it commonly stimulates a feeling of resentment 
 and general irritation. A punishment has edu- 
 cative value only when it stirs a feeling of regret 
 or repentance. Whippings and ridicule often 
 have a very different effect from this. Here, 
 again, the value of the retributive punishment is 
 emphasized, for very rarely does such a one occa- 
 sion any feeling of resentment. It should be under- 
 stood that though the infliction of a punishment 
 causes immediate anger, it is not to be condemned 
 if the later consequences are such as to cause a 
 permanent regret for the wrong-doing. 
 
 The ability to control one's anger increases 
 rapidly at adolescence. — Usually at about four- 
 teen to sixteen years of age the youth begins to 
 win real and frequent victories over ill-temper. 
 The parent can greatly aid in this by suggesting 
 added motives. He can bring illustrations from 
 literature, and from life, of the fact that one who 
 keeps cool when he resents an injury has a great 
 advantage over one who flies into a rage. Such 
 motives as self-respect and Christian duty can 
 
 [SO]
 
 HOW TO DEAL WITH THE ANGRY CHILD 
 
 be stimulated. The more refined forms of anger, 
 such as contempt and scorn, in which the one 
 who seeks to injure another is regarded as so far 
 beneath one as to be unworthy of notice, can 
 be encouraged. Perhaps no greater service can be 
 rendered than the tactfully expressed apprecia- 
 tion and recognition of the effort for self-mastery, 
 however slight its success may have been. 
 
 Altruistic anger should be wisely cultivated. — 
 Whenever anger that is distinctly unselfish ap- 
 appears it deserves thoughtful treatment. That 
 it is not immoral the example of Jesus testifies. 
 The spirit should be encouraged, but in such a 
 way as to guard against excesses. There is dan- 
 ger that men to-day will needlessly wish to call 
 down fire from heaven. "Vengeance is mine; I 
 will repay," is a message that is frequently needed. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 1. Are the exhortations to non-resistance in Matt. 5:38-41 to 
 be taken literally, or to be interpreted as we interpret: "Take no 
 thought for the morrow"? Mi 
 
 2. A mother related the following incident to the writer. Her 
 son came home from school much disturbed in feeling. By persist- 
 ent questioning she learned that he had been repeatedly annoyed by 
 a schoolfellow, who had that afternoon dared him to fight. The 
 boy had replied that he could not because he had to go home and help 
 his mother about some work, and had gone, followed by the taunts 
 and gibes of his enemy. Upon this she said: "Mother can spare 
 you fo r half an hour. You go back and give him a thrashing, and," 
 kissing him, "here's one to do it well." The mother finished the 
 story by saying, " He did it well, too. He broke his nose." 
 
 What do you think of the boy's spirit? Of the mother's? Did 
 the outcome of the affair suggest a new point of view? How would 
 you deal with such a case? 
 
 3. A friend told the writer of a boy who has. been trained to abso- 
 lute non-resistance, with the result that at eleven years of age he is 
 daily escorted to and from school by his mother or a maid that he 
 may not be imposed upon by his schoolmates. Has this training 
 furthered or hindered his real welfare? 
 
 [51]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 Lesson XII. How to Deal with Fits 
 of Passion 
 
 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger. 
 
 — Col. 3: 21. 
 
 Summary punishment for the passionate outbursts 
 of children is simply cruelty. 
 
 — Florence Hull Winterburn. 
 
 Speak to a child in a fretful manner and we shall 
 generally find that his manner partakes of the same 
 character. — Harriet Martineau. 
 
 If too repressed, righteous indignation may turn to 
 sourness and sulks. — G. Stanley Hall. 
 
 We must take care that children with a strong ten- 
 dency to violent temper should not be exposed to 
 circumstances likely to inflame their passions. 
 
 — James Sully. 
 
 We cannot reason with a young child but we can 
 use our own reason for him. 
 
 — Florence Hull Winterburn. 
 
 The problem is partly different from that of 
 educating the anger instinct. — Whatever course 
 of conduct is desirable for the child's own wel- 
 fare, the interests of others must also be consid- 
 ered. Fits of violent rage sometimes occur and 
 the situation must be dealt with promptly. Such 
 considerations will sometimes determine the mode 
 of action, but the methods used should not be 
 such as would be seriously objectionable from the 
 educational point of view. 
 
 The best efforts of the parent are preventive. — 
 Many a wife has learned to ask favors of her 
 
 [52]
 
 HOW TO DEAL WITH THE ANGRY CHILD 
 
 husband after a good meal rather than before 
 it — unless, indeed, he is a dyspeptic. Some hus- 
 bands plan to avoid certain topics on days when 
 their wives are especially nervous. Why should 
 not both use equal tact in dealing with a child? 
 Care as to the temperature of the bath, the avoid- 
 ance of haste in combing the hair, discourage- 
 ment of association with certain children — these 
 and many other similar steps which will occur 
 to the thoughtful parent will help to smooth 
 the path of domestic discipline, and at the same 
 time aid the child to free himself from the slavery 
 to passion. Careful consideration of the child's 
 condition of health will point to times when espe- 
 cial care should be used. On the other hand 
 the child's irritability is often the first symptom 
 of incipient measles or other disease of childhood. 
 Any treatment that increases anger should 
 be avoided. — The suggestions in regard to pun- 
 ishment in the last lesson are especially pertinent 
 here. Whipping, scolding, shaking, are wholly 
 wrong as a punishment for anger, however justifi- 
 able they may seem at other times. Separating 
 an angry child from his playmates is often helpful, 
 but when he kicks and pounds upon the door of 
 his prison or sits in the corner and sulks it is quite 
 otherwise. This does not mean that because 
 little Willie has a temper he must have his own 
 way. Quite the contrary. When one is assured 
 that there is no legitimate occasion for anger, 
 the very best treatment, when it is possible, is 
 wholly to ignore the child until his rage has passed. 
 Some mothers have said to such a child: " I can- 
 not talk of those things with this angry child. 
 When my own good boy comes back we will talk 
 
 [53]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 it over." "A soft answer turneth away wrath." 
 Sometimes no answer at all is better still. 
 
 Diversion of the child's thought will sometimes 
 prevent a fit of anger. — To attempt to reason 
 with a thoroughly angry person, old or young, 
 is but to add fuel to the fire. He is not a reason- 
 able person. He is "mad," as we say. At the 
 beginning of such an experience an adult or a 
 youth may often be influenced. A similar effect 
 may often be secured in the child by quickly 
 turning his thought to a wholly different matter. 
 Thus the removal of a coveted object, the sug- 
 gestion of a new game in which there is no dis- 
 puted position of leadership, a call to render some 
 little service, or the suggestion of a story at the 
 critical moment will often save a quarrel. 
 
 With some hesitation, lest it be misunderstood 
 or misapplied, another prescription is offered. 
 Sometimes, when a child is in the midst of one of 
 those distressing outbursts of rage, he may be 
 brought out of it by an unexpected dash of water 
 in his face. This is not a punishment in any sense. 
 Its effect is to substitute intense surprise, with 
 perhaps a small element of fear, for the anger. 
 The physical shock is enough to do this, and in 
 ordinary cases is far less harmful than prolonged 
 anger. It is the method of diversion applied in 
 a heroic way. Usually by the time the water 
 is wiped from eyes and face the child rushes to 
 his mother's arms and, after a few tears, falls asleep. 
 
 A certain measure of expression of one's sense 
 of wrong helps to end the resentment. — Anger 
 that is suppressed tends to smolder and at length 
 bursts forth more fiercely. To make a confidant 
 of a friend eases one's feelings. Hence the par- 
 
 [54]
 
 HOW TO DEAL WITH THE ANGRY CHILD 
 
 ent should never refuse to hear the child's side of 
 the quarrel. Simply telling of it tends to relieve 
 the situation. Confession is good for the soul 
 and there are no dangers in this kind of confes- 
 sional. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 1. Where do children get their tempers? Are they responsible 
 for them? 
 
 2. What shall be done when a child from another family flies 
 into a passion while playing with children in the home? 
 
 3. How would you deal with the child who manifestly "works 
 up" a fit of anger? 
 
 4. Are young children really able to control their anger? If 
 not, should they ever be punished for it? 
 
 5. Has the regulation of sleep, food, and exercise any influence 
 upon the temper of an irascible child? 
 
 6. Would the shock of a stinging slap on the hand be as effect- 
 ive as the cold-water treatment mentioned in the lesson? Why? 
 
 [55]
 
 VI 
 THE TRAINING OF THE LOVE IMPULSE 
 
 Among all the feelings that find expression in 
 child life none is more beautiful than love; among 
 all the motives that govern human conduct no 
 impulse is more powerful. "Love is strong as 
 death." In religion it has the supreme place. 
 Love to God and love to neighbor are at the core 
 of every message of Jesus. 
 
 All the worthy books on child training assume 
 or imply its importance; very few, indeed, defi- 
 nitely discuss it. The first two of the references 
 mentioned below are of especial value. The 
 others throw added light upon its place in charac- 
 ter and the methods for its culture. All should, 
 if possible, be carefully read in connection with 
 Lessons XVII and XVIII. A Study of Child Na- 
 ture, by Elizabeth Harrison, pp. 75-89; Household 
 Education, by Harriet Martineau, pp. 156-168; 
 Hints on Child Training, by H. Clay Trum- 
 bull, pp. 263-274; Child Culture in the Home, by 
 Martha B. Mosher, pp. 11-21; As the Twig is 
 Bent, by Susan Chenery, pp. 44-51. 
 
 [56]
 
 THE TRAINING OF THE LOVE IMPULSE 
 
 Lesson XIII. The Nature of Love and the 
 Uses that it Serves 
 
 We love, because he first loved us. 
 
 — i John 4 : 19. 
 
 If a man love me, he will keep my words. 
 
 — John 14: 23. 
 
 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is 
 love. — 1 John 4 : 8. 
 
 The relationship established between parent and 
 child is apt to become, in time, the relationship between 
 the soul and God. — Elizabeth Harrison. 
 
 With the first dawning smile upon the infant's 
 face the instinct of love awakes. Until the last sacri- 
 fice of life itself for the loved object — aye, on up to 
 that sublime exaltation which can say "even though 
 He slay me, yet will I trust Him," love is the great 
 motive power which enriches and ennobles life. 
 
 — Elizabeth Harrison. 
 
 For life, with all it yields of joy and woe 
 And hope and fear (believe this aged friend), 
 Is just our chance o' the prize of learning love, 
 How love might be, hath been, indeed, and is. 
 
 — Robert Browning. 
 
 There are two distinct kinds of feeling that 
 are known as love. — One of these is the response 
 to benefits received, and promotes the welfare 
 of the one who loves. Such is the love of the 
 little child for its parent or for the older friend 
 who contributes to his happiness, and such is 
 the love of the Christian for God. The other is 
 the love of God for men, the love of the parent 
 
 [57]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 for the child, the love of the Christian for his 
 fellow. This love seeks the welfare of the one 
 who is loved. It often leads to self-sacrifice, to 
 the disregard of the interests of the one who is 
 experiencing the feeling. Because these two kinds 
 of feeling are quite similar in their manifestations 
 they are commonly confused, but if the different 
 purposes that they serve are kept in mind the 
 distinction can easily be made. They appear 
 side by side in Jesus' summary of the law. It 
 is the first of them that is to be considered in this 
 lesson. 
 
 The origin of love is in the consciousness of 
 benefits received. — Love is the response to love. 
 The little child loves his mother most of all be- 
 cause he owes most of his happiness to her. If 
 she leaves him to the care of a servant, that love 
 goes out to the nurse. By and by comes the time 
 when another woman can give him more of happi- 
 ness than the most devoted mother can, and so 
 he leaves his parents and cleaves to her. Our 
 friends — the ones who are most truly such — 
 are those who by their personalities bring most 
 of pleasure into our lives. Patriotism is love 
 of country based upon the benefits and pleasures 
 that we owe to fatherland. Gratitude is love 
 because of benefits received in the past. Trust 
 is love that expects in the future the goodness 
 that has been manifested in the past. 
 
 The function of love is to lead the one who 
 loves into right relations with all friendly beings 
 who may contribute to his welfare. — It is the 
 result of some helpful relationship, and its purpose 
 is to prolong it and to make it more likely to occur 
 again. Though this is nature's aim, the one who 
 
 [58]
 
 THE TRAINING OF THE LOVE IMPULSE 
 
 loves is not conscious of it. He simply seeks the 
 pleasure that comes through the satisfaction of 
 the impulse. When one considers the results of 
 his conduct, however, its meaning is very clear. 
 Love for another prompts to imitation, and obe- 
 dience, and conformity to his will. In this way 
 the child's affection for his parents saves him from 
 countless dangers. It is one of the very strong- 
 est restraining influences in time of conscious 
 temptation as well as at many other times when 
 he has no thought of danger. In the Christian's 
 attitude toward God it is a far safer and stronger 
 preventive of sin than the fear of punishment 
 could possibly be. 
 
 Love for God, parents, or teacher is an espe- 
 cially strong motive because it directly prompts the 
 child to the conduct that is desired. — Fear may 
 deter him from wrong-doing, but cannot give him 
 this positive help. Desire for a reward is less 
 direct and may lead to deception. The desire 
 for praise or admiration involves the same dan- 
 ger. Genuine love must bring the true response 
 of the heart and life. Love is the fulfilling of 
 the law because it implies both the deed and the 
 spirit back of the deed. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 1. The young child lives his life chiefly on the physical plane. 
 Can the mother who leaves the satisfaction of his physical wants 
 entirely to servants have his love? If so, how may it be won? 
 
 2. How may a mother's play with her child, and other efforts 
 simply to give him pleasure, directly influence the child's readiness 
 to obey? 
 
 3. What kind of punishments are least likely to interfere with 
 the affectionate attitude of the child toward the parent? Illustrate. 
 4. Carefully recall times when your children have seemed unlov- 
 ing. Try to determine reasons for it. Could this have been avoided 
 
 [59]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 without injury to the child? If you can, report such cases to the 
 class. 
 
 5. Can sarcasm and ridicule ever fail to interfere with loving 
 relationships? 
 
 6. Ask your children if they really love God, and, if so, why. 
 Try to get at the facts and discover the reason for their attitude, 
 whatever it is. Report the results to the class. 
 
 [60]
 
 THE TRAINING OF THE LOVE IMPULSE 
 
 Lesson XIV. Training the Child to Love 
 
 Even the child's love can decay if not nourished 
 carefully. — Friedrich Froebel. 
 
 All exercises which awaken the active powers, 
 which form the capacity for rendering loving service 
 to fellow-creatures, will help to lay the groundwork 
 of religion in the child. 
 
 — Madam Marenholtz-Bulow. 
 
 He that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, 
 cannot love God whom he hath not seen. 
 
 — i John 4: 20. 
 
 My little children, let us not love in word, neither 
 with the tongue; but in deed and truth. 
 
 — 1 John 3: 18. 
 
 There is a physical love which expresses itself in 
 the mere kiss and hug and word of endearment . . . 
 it is but the door or entrance to that other higher 
 form of love which manifests itself in service and self- 
 sacrifice. — Elizabeth Harrison. 
 
 And this is love, that we should walk after His com- 
 mandments. — 2 John 6. 
 
 The first step in the culture of love is to provide 
 for proper stimulus. — The atmosphere of love 
 must surround the child. Parental affection is 
 usually sufficient to secure this. Indeed, no 
 reasoned procedure can ever direct as surely or 
 impel as strongly as the well developed natural 
 instincts of motherhood. But when to the fer- 
 vor of the heart is added the guidance of an under- 
 standing mind, the ideal has been reached. The 
 thought of what the effect upon a child's charac- 
 
 [61]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 ter may be will sometimes help a tired mother 
 to the exercise of patience and self-denial under 
 trying circumstances. 
 
 The child's love must be stirred by childish 
 pleasures. — For the young child these are usu- 
 ally of a sensuous kind. Food, warmth, soft 
 clothing, the gentle touch of the caress, the lul- 
 laby that soothes to rest, play that provides 
 healthful exercise for the growing muscles and 
 budding mental powers — these are the things 
 that awaken a response in his undeveloped and 
 as yet self-centered heart. Later, the gift that 
 introduces him to new joys aids in carrying out 
 his own plans of childish play, the sympathy that 
 salves his hurts of body and of mind, the story 
 that through the experiences of another leads 
 him into new worlds of delight, have their places, 
 and in turn prepare the way for the changes 
 that make it the parents' part to bind still closer 
 the heart of the child by fullest sympathy with 
 those new interests and ties that lead him farthest 
 from their sides. It is as the parent helps the child 
 to find happiness — his own true satisfaction, 
 however crude it may appear to an adult — that 
 love is stirred. Immediate gratification sometimes 
 must be denied as a means to greater pleasures, 
 but this will bring in time its fruitage of deepened 
 affection. 
 
 Unless the child's love is led to its right expres- 
 sion a selfish spirit may result from such treat- 
 ment. — The last paragraph has suggested to 
 some the question, Is it not love of self that would 
 be fostered in the child? Unless he is led to some 
 expression of his pleasure beyond the word and 
 the caress, the danger is certainly real. But on 
 
 [62]
 
 THE TRAINING OF THE LOVE IMPULSE 
 
 the other hand it must be remembered that unself- 
 ishness is not fostered by denying a child pleas- 
 ures against his will. We must keep in mind 
 the fact that the normal expression of love of the 
 kind that we have in mind is found in closest 
 association with and obedience to the one who is 
 loved. The important method, then, is to lead 
 love to manifestation in the unselfish deed. Love 
 grows with its expression if that expression is the 
 full and normal one. 
 
 The training must be begun when the child 
 is in the loving mood. — Sometimes the young 
 child refuses obedience, or denies the request of 
 the parent, or even declares that he does not 
 love him. It is useless to try to secure the ex- 
 pression of love when it is. not in the heart. With 
 such a child it is when the caress or the loving 
 word is offered, that the opportunity comes. 
 When it is offered, the parent should make the 
 most of it. Especially, the proffered service of 
 a child which is prompted by a loving heart 
 should never be thoughtlessly refused. 
 
 Love for God is to be fostered and developed 
 in the same way. — First of all the child must 
 associate God with his real pleasures. To a child 
 the promise of heaven or of spiritual blessings 
 makes small appeal. But he can really thank 
 God for the joys of springtime and summer 
 and autumn and winter; for flowers and birds, and 
 fruits and nuts, and winter snows. He can respond 
 to the thought of God's care of him in the dreaded 
 wakeful hours of night, or when at dusk he 
 passes through the lonely wood. As youth comes 
 on his heart will go out to the Saviour who is 
 touched with the feeling of our infirmities, and 
 
 [63]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 when the need comes he will turn to the God of 
 all comfort in his sorrows. The great lesson to 
 be learned is that love is never aroused by argu- 
 ment or by the claim of duty, and that it cannot 
 fail to be stirred when there is revealed a love 
 which ministers to present happiness. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 1. Is picking up a nine-year-old child's toys, caring for school- 
 book and rubbers, and relieving a child from all responsibility for 
 the care of her room, etc., the right way to stir love for the mother 
 in a child's heart? 
 
 2. A mother said to the writer: "When my daughter was a child 
 I lived for her. Now she is sixteen years old, and she is unwilling 
 to assist in the simplest duties of the home. Why is she so selfish?" 
 Can you suggest an explanation which is based upon the mother's 
 own account of the conditions? 
 
 3. What shall a mother do when a young child comes with a 
 broom "to help mother" and sweeps the dust. the wrong way? Or 
 when she offers to wipe the costly china or dust the bric-a-brac? 
 
 4. In answer to the catechism question, "Why should we love 
 and honor God?" a boy said, "Because he made cranberry sauce 
 and redeemed me." The printed answer was, "Because he made, 
 preserves, and redeemed me." The reason for the mistake is appar- 
 ent, but what bearing has the answer upon the problem of how to 
 lead the child to love God? 
 
 [64]
 
 VII 
 
 TRAINING THE CHILD IN UNSELFISH- 
 NESS AND KINDNESS 
 
 The love of neighbor as of self is one of the two 
 fundamental requirements of Jesus' summary of 
 the law. In his general teachings it was at least 
 equally emphasized with the other. The atti- 
 tude of helpfulness toward others is at the founda- 
 tion of our whole conception of morality. But 
 while the effort of moral education centers very 
 largely about the culture of these feelings, it has 
 not been commonly realized that there is a defi- 
 nite feeling that prompts man to unselfishness and 
 helpfulness in his relations with others and that 
 it is as capable of definite training as are fear or 
 anger or any other of the feelings. 
 
 Perhaps for this reason most of the books on 
 child-training neglect definite discussion of it, 
 and touch upon it incidentally in connection with 
 other topics. Among the most helpful readings 
 for the use of parents that are readily accessible 
 are the following, which should be read in con- 
 nection with Lessons XIX to XXII: Children's 
 Rights, by Kate Douglas Wiggin, pp. 171-186; 
 Love and Law in Child Training, by Emilie 
 Poulsson, pp. 152-158; How John and I Brought 
 Up the Child, by E. Grinnell, pp. 53-65; The 
 Natural Way, by Patterson Du Bois, pp. 164- 
 
 [65]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 173; As the Twig is Bent, by Susan Chenery, pp. 
 21-31; Mothers and Sons, by E. Lyttleton, pp. 
 61-69; Hints on Early Education (published by 
 Funk and Wagnalls), pp. 39-43; The Moral In- 
 struction of Children, by Felix Adler, pp. 218- 
 232; Studies of Childhood, by James Sully, pp. 
 228-251. 
 
 [66]
 
 A 
 
 LITTLE Mother
 
 TRAINING OF THE CHILD 
 
 Lesson XV. The Nature of Altruistic 
 
 Feeling 
 
 Look not every man on his own things, but every 
 man also on the things of others. — Phil. 2: 4. 
 
 Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law 
 of Christ. — Gal. 6: 2. 
 
 If ye do good to them which do good to you, what 
 thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same. 
 
 — Luke 6: 33. 
 
 "When the child pulls the cat's tail," so runs the 
 word, "don't tell him that the reason he mustn't 
 pull it is that the cat would scratch him, but tell him 
 that he mustn't pull it because he would hurt the 
 cat." — Emilie Poulsson. 
 
 All actions that are unselfishly directed to the 
 helping of others, the relieving of their wants, 
 the lessening of their pains and sorrows, are 
 prompted by one kind of feeling which is as dis- 
 tinct as anger or fear. — This is called "altru- 
 istic feeling" that it may be clearly distinguished 
 from other impulses. As was pointed out in Les- 
 son XIII, it is commonly called "love," though 
 that word is confusing, since its first significance 
 is to describe the love of the child for its parent, 
 of the Christian for God, and other similar cases 
 in which the great value of the actions to which 
 it leads are to the one who loves. This other 
 feeling which has for its purpose the welfare of 
 the one who is loved is sometimes called "sym- 
 pathy," though strictly that term applies to only 
 one phase of it, the affection for another which 
 
 [67]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 leads one to suffer with him in sorrow and to 
 rejoice in his joys. The importance of clearly 
 distinguishing these two kinds of "love" will 
 appear in connection with the plans for its train- 
 ing. 
 
 This feeling manifests itself in a great variety 
 of ways. — The love of a mother for her helpless 
 child who demands so much of purely unselfish 
 service is a typical form. Generosity is this 
 feeling manifested in relation to property. 
 Humane feeling is its manifestation toward the 
 lower animals. Mercy or forgiveness is altruistic 
 feeling triumphing over anger. Its manifesta- 
 tions in the ordinary relations of life we call 
 unselfishness. The missionary spirit is its mani- 
 festation in relation to religion. We may plan 
 to develop each one of these separately, but it 
 is possible so to train the root impulse of all that 
 the development of each of these phases will be 
 greatly aided. 
 
 This spirit of unselfishness and active kindness 
 is stirred by the realization of another's need. — 
 It cannot be awakened by an argument. To 
 declare that unselfishness is a duty does not bring 
 the feeling into being. But the simple, vivid 
 story of great need which a child can supply 
 does awaken the impulse to help. The sight of 
 the actual situation and the intimate knowledge 
 that comes from personal association is many times 
 more effective. The average person will give 
 ten times as much to relieve the wants of one 
 poor child whom he has seen crying from hunger 
 as he will to relieve thousands whom he knows 
 to be in actual danger of starvation in Russia or 
 India. This fact, that it is the natural response 
 
 [68]
 
 TRAINING THE CHILD 
 
 to certain conditions about the child, makes it 
 measurably possible to stimulate it at will. Just 
 as the realization of danger stirs fear in the child, 
 just as the realization that he is being wronged 
 stirs anger, so the vivid realization of the need 
 and opportunity for service which he can render 
 stirs in his heart the impulse of love for those who 
 cannot serve him, but whose need of service is 
 apparent. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 1. Is the distinction between love and altruistic feeling clear? 
 
 2. What are the circumstances that stimulate love of the kind 
 studied in Lessons XIII and XIV? 
 
 3. Mention illustrations of love that you have observed in chil- 
 dren. 
 
 4. Mention cases of altruistic feeling manifested by children. 
 
 5. Why is it important that the parent or teacher should dis- 
 tinguish between the two kinds of love? 
 
 [69]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 Lesson XVI. The Natural Development of 
 
 Unselfishness 
 
 The most distant acquaintance with the first years 
 of human life tells us that young children have much 
 in common with the lower animals. Their character- 
 istic passions and impulses are centered in self and the 
 satisfaction of its wants. . . . But if a child has his 
 outbursts of temper he has also his fits of tenderness. 
 
 — James Sully. 
 
 One of the greatest pleasures which is offered is 
 that of being allowed to "help" somebody. . . . He 
 knows the joy of ministering to others. 
 
 — Kate Douglas Wiggin. 
 
 Unselfishness is rare among the lower animals. 
 — Fear and anger are as apparent among them as 
 in man, but sacrifice of self for the welfare of 
 others has little place. Almost the sole manifes- 
 tation of this feeling which appears is in the rela- 
 tions of parents with the young, and in case of the 
 father it is not nearly as strong as in the mother. 
 The one other case in which it often appears 
 among the lower animals is the case of those that 
 go in flocks or herds. Among these the leader 
 of the flock, usually the oldest male, does defend 
 the weaker members. Except in these relations, 
 selfishness is practically universal among ani- 
 mals. Even where mother love is most marked 
 it lasts only during the infancy of the young. 
 The hen or the mother cat will share its food with 
 its young at first, but before they are fully grown 
 they are ruthlessly driven away until the parent's 
 appetite is satisfied. Adults fight with each other 
 
 [70]
 
 TRAINING THE CHILD 
 
 for food and for every other pleasure which they 
 know. 
 
 Men of the lower races show little of unselfish 
 love for others. — Infanticide is common among 
 savages. The killing of parents when they become 
 old and feeble is not unknown as a regular prac- 
 tise. There is little or no sympathy for the 
 sick, and where individual property rights are 
 recognized there is little disposition to share with 
 the poor. Their enemies are killed without hesi- 
 tation, but often after prolonged and excruciat- 
 ing torture. As we study men who are higher 
 in the scale of development we find a gradual 
 softening of their natures, and an increase in 
 the readiness to practise self-denial for the 
 sake of others. Yet, in the days of Christ the 
 sight of men and women torn to pieces by wild 
 beasts was a popular recreation. 
 
 Our Christian ancestors showed much less of 
 altruistic feeling than the men of today who are 
 outside of the Church. — During the middle ages 
 men and women were condemned to the most 
 terrible tortures because of heresies that today 
 would not shut them out of our churches. People 
 gathered in crowds to witness their sufferings, 
 and shouted with laughter at their contortions. 
 In the days of Queen Elizabeth, some four hun- 
 dred years ago, five persons out of every thousand 
 were executed as criminals, and the stealing of 
 a sheep was far from the least of the crimes for 
 which death was the penalty. In New England 
 aged men and women were pressed to death as 
 witches. Bear-baiting, cock-fighting, dog-fight- 
 ing, and pigeon-shooting were the recreations of 
 our fathers. War was far more cruel fifty years 
 
 [7i]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 ago, and today arbitration is averting it in many 
 cases. It is plain that our present standards 
 of kindness and unselfishness have been very 
 recently attained by the race. 
 
 The child is much less sympathetic and unself- 
 ish than the youth or the adult. — At first thought 
 many parents will question this statement, but 
 a very little observation will confirm it. That 
 children are easily influenced by adults to seem- 
 ing unselfishness at times is quite apparent, but 
 when there is a real case of self-denial the inner 
 impulses appear. The young child demands 
 what he wants without regard to the effect of 
 his demand upon the happiness of others. Quar- 
 reling is common among children for the same 
 reason. They are often exceedingly selfish in 
 their attitude toward their parents when they 
 are asked to assist in home duties. Frequently 
 children are very cruel to the lower animals, and 
 often to their playmates as well. These and many 
 other facts indicate that unselfishness and kind- 
 ness are not as natural to the child as are the 
 directly self-preservative feelings, such as fear, 
 anger, and love. In youth, however, there is a 
 very marked development of unselfishness, and at 
 sixteen or seventeen years of age it often becomes 
 so strong a motive as to determine the choice of 
 a life-work, as in the case of the missionary, the 
 minister, and sometimes the physician and nurse. 
 
 These facts are in harmony with a well estab- 
 lished law of the development of human nature. 
 Those traits that are late attainments of the 
 race appear later in the life of the child, and are 
 not nearly so certain to appear at all. They need 
 culture by the parent and teacher if the child is 
 
 [72]
 
 TRAINING THE CHILD 
 
 to reach the highest standard. No normal child 
 needs to be taught to get angry when he is 
 wronged. Nor does he need to be taught to desire 
 property. But it is necessary to teach him to 
 control anger and the desire for gain by altru- 
 istic feeling, because this feeling is so weak as 
 yet that it does not instinctively do so. One 
 important lesson of this study of the develop- 
 ment of unselfishness is the emphasis upon the 
 fact that it is a virtue that must be taught. The 
 selfish impulses are instinctive; this is only partly 
 so. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 1. In the lesson it is intimated that the apparent unselfishness 
 of some little children is really manifested when there is no very- 
 great demand for actual self-denial. Do you accept this as fact? 
 Bring cases that you have observed which substantiate your posi- 
 tion. 
 
 2. Does the lesson imply that there is no unselfishness in young 
 children? If there were none, would any efforts for training them 
 in unselfishness be of avail? 
 
 3. What changes in the line of added unselfishness and tender- 
 ness toward the unfortunate have appeared in the common standards 
 of the people generally during your memory? 
 
 4. Give from your own observation illustrations of the growing 
 unselfishness of young people as they enter adolescence. 
 
 5. Do you see any good reason why young children should be 
 more selfish than adults? Is it to be expected that children will 
 ever be as ready to sacrifice themselves and their vital interests as 
 adults are? 
 
 6. While unselfishness directly seeks the welfare of others, does it 
 indirectly benefit the individual? Is it true that it does (or that it 
 does not) in every case? 
 
 [73]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 Lesson XVII. The Culture of 
 Unselfishness 
 
 Seek to give outward form to the feelings that stir 
 the child's heart. — Friedrich Froebel. 
 
 Any working of the feelings without opportunity 
 to act is likely to result in impairment. It produces a 
 soft sentimentality. — Patterson Du Bois. 
 
 The first step is to reveal to a child another's 
 need and his own opportunity to help. — As has 
 
 already been indicated, the more that this can be 
 done through personal observation and direct con- 
 tact with the actual conditions, the more effect- 
 ive will it be. Giving playthings to be sent to 
 city slums or Western frontier has exceedingly 
 little value in the education of the child if he 
 simply sees them put into a barrel " to be sent 
 to the missionary." If the children to whom 
 they will go, and their lack of the ordinary 
 pleasures of the children who give, are vividly 
 described, it will have much greater value. If 
 the child can be enabled actually to see such 
 conditions near his own home, and so more fully 
 realize the need, the experience will be far more 
 helpful. Without the appreciation of real need, 
 the feeling cannot arise. It is said that a queen 
 of France, when told that the people were dying 
 for lack of bread, said, "Why do they not eat 
 cake?" Mythical as it probably is, the story 
 illustrates the principle. 
 
 This feeling, like every other, grows through 
 exercise. — To lead it to frequent expression is 
 
 [74]
 
 TRAINING THE CHILD 
 
 to provide that it shall have a larger and more 
 permanent place in the nature of the individual 
 who has this experience. The one who practises 
 self-denial grows more ready to do so. To do 
 kind deeds is to make it more easy to do them. 
 This is as true of the child as of the adult, provided 
 the act is really prompted by the unselfish impulse. 
 Hence it is possible for the parent very largely 
 to control the development of this side of the 
 child's character. By planning that he shall 
 become conscious of the need of others, and of 
 his ability to aid them in some way, it is pos- 
 sible to secure the stirring of the feeling; by 
 wisely directing the manifestation of the feel- 
 ing it is given a certain education. For the 
 child's own sake the parent should often ask 
 some service of him. For the effect upon his 
 character the parent should search out oppor- 
 tunities to bring him in touch with real want or 
 suffering of such a kind as the child himself can 
 aid in relieving. 
 
 The stirring of altruistic feeling has little or 
 no value unless it results in the real effort to cor- 
 rect the conditions that occasioned it. — Tears 
 and words of commiseration have a place if there 
 is no means of rendering aid, but they are not 
 the normal expression of these feelings. They 
 are nature's means of relieving the strain when 
 no active response is possible. But if the feelings 
 are frequently stirred when the action is not pos- 
 sible, there is a tendency to form the habit of 
 expressing sympathy only in this way. So it is 
 safe to say that it is not wise for the child to have 
 frequent knowledge of suffering that he cannot 
 relieve to some extent. When the child docs 
 
 [75]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 manifest the feeling it should always be led to 
 some practical outcome. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 1. What are some of the practicable ways of making the needs 
 of others outside the home known to the child? 
 
 2. Mention additional ways in which a child can really lessen 
 the suffering or add to the welfare of others. 
 
 3. What are the best opportunities for the training of altruistic 
 feeling in the home? 
 
 4. What are some of the best ways of giving this training to ten- 
 year-old boys? To girls of the same age? 
 
 5. Have you used the methods that the lesson advocates? If 
 so, with what success? 
 
 [76]
 
 TRAINING THE CHILD 
 
 Lesson XVIII. Some Things to Avoid 
 
 Giving to those they love is a pleasure to children 
 as well as to "grown-up" people and sometimes we 
 don't let them have enough of this pleasure, but stunt 
 the generous impulses by . . . failing to encourage 
 effort and self-denial on their part. 
 
 — Mary G. Trask. 
 
 There is such a thing as putting too much pressure 
 on children to be self-sacrificing. ... In the effort 
 to excite right feelings in their children, fathers pro- 
 voke them to wrath. — Patterson Du Bois. 
 
 Never refuse the proffered service of a child 
 that is prompted by the impulse to help another. 
 
 — Sometimes the particular act that the child 
 proposes may not be really helpful, or it may 
 require more than the child can give in justice 
 to himself, but always the helpful or sympathetic 
 spirit should be led to some act that means real 
 aid for the one who is helped and some measure 
 of self-denial for the helper. If the child's own 
 plan can be carried out, so much the better. 
 If it cannot, some wiser one in which he can 
 have a vital part should be substituted for it, 
 and to this new plan the child's hearty assent 
 should be won. 
 
 To command an unselfish act against the child's 
 will must have an unfortunate effect upon charac- 
 ter. — The feeling that is stirred at the time the 
 act is performed is one of resentment, and the 
 feeling that one's rights are interfered with. 
 The actual result of such training is usually to 
 cause a reaction against such unselfish impulses 
 
 [77]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 as already exist. There is, of course, no real 
 unselfishness in the act, and it is the other feel- 
 ings that are stirred that are being strengthened 
 through exercise. There are times when the 
 parent must interfere in the interests of justice, 
 but if compulsion is used it should be on the 
 score of justice, and not in the guise of an incen- 
 tive to unselfishness. 
 
 To reward an unselfish act can hardly fail to 
 stir a selfish motive to take the place of a gener- 
 ous one. — We must remember that unselfish- 
 ness is its own reward. And it is a sufficient one. 
 The most that the parent should do is to call the 
 child's attention to the pleasure that has come 
 to the one who is helped. Even carefully guarded 
 praise of unselfishness almost always serves to 
 substitute a new impulse for the generous one 
 that had been aroused. Miss Harrison tells of 
 two children who, while they were left alone by 
 their parents, lay down to sleep, the older one 
 giving all of the one covering to the younger 
 because she complained of being cold. Upon 
 the return of the parents the unselfish child 
 was rewarded with candy. When they were next 
 left alone she bent all her energies to getting her 
 little sister to go to bed and use all the coverings 
 — in order that she might receive more candy! 
 So was a really unselfish impulse perverted by a 
 thoughtless parent. 
 
 Any expression of altruistic feeling that is sug- 
 gested by the parent should be suited to the 
 development of the child's sympathies. — The 
 young child's heart goes out to those who are 
 near to his own life, and only to such. He can 
 feel deeply for children more readily than for 
 
 [78]
 
 TRAINING THE CHILD 
 
 adults; his heart goes out more easily to those 
 who have the same interests as himself than to 
 those whose lives are very different; he responds 
 to suffering such as he can appreciate through 
 his own experiences rather than to that which 
 is much greater, but which he has never known. 
 It is in the home and school and the immediate 
 neighborhood that the most valuable oppor- 
 tunities for his training are found. It is a false 
 pseudo-sympathy that is stirred when one tries 
 to lead him far outside this small but constantly 
 widening circle. The best way to secure the 
 broader sympathy is to make the most of the 
 really spontaneous narrower one in these early 
 years. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 1. A mother who was beginning such training of her little daughter 
 as has been advocated told her of children who had no playthings, 
 and asked what should be done about it. The child said, "I will 
 give them my best doll." The mother said: "Oh, no! You must not 
 do that, for you will want it to play with yourself. You may give 
 them the old one that you had last year." What would be the effect 
 of such training upon the development of unselfishness in the child? 
 Should the child be encouraged to do as she proposed? 
 
 2. Suppose in such a case you feared that the child would repent 
 of her generosity and wish the doll back, thus defeating the end of 
 the training, how would you deal with the case? 
 
 3. A little girl had given up a pleasure that it might be enjoyed 
 by a poor child of her acquaintance. An older friend of the family 
 said, "I am sure that you were very generous to do that." The 
 mother hastily interposed, "I am sure that it made Annie very happy, 
 and that makes my little daughter happy, too, does it not?" What 
 feeling would each remark tend to awaken in the child's heart? 
 
 4. Is giving to foreign missions the best training in altruism for 
 a girl of five years? Why? 
 
 [79]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 Lesson XIX. The Moral Value of Playing 
 
 with Dolls 
 
 Altruistic feeling had its origin in motherhood, 
 and it has reached no greater heights of self- 
 denial and service than in that same relationship. 
 In playing with her doll the child is in thought 
 and feeling making that experience her own. 
 At a very formative period of her life it gives her 
 much the same training that the race has received 
 through the actual experience. The following 
 references will be helpful to the parent who wishes 
 to make the most of the opportunities thus 
 afforded: Studies of Childhood, by James Sully, 
 pp. 42-51 and 492-493; Childhood, by Mrs. The- 
 odore W. Birney, pp. 90-98; Children's Rights, 
 by Kate Douglas Wiggin, pp. 49-67; Studies in 
 Imagination, by Lillian H. Chalmers, Pedagog- 
 ical Seminary, Vol. VII, pp. 111-123; A Study of 
 Dolls, by Ellis and Hall, Pedagogical Seminary, 
 Vol. IV, pp. 129-175; Play Interests of Children, 
 by Mrs. Frederick Burke, Northwestern Monthly, 
 Vol IX, pp. 349-355- 
 
 "Take away the doll, you erase from the heart 
 and head feelings, images, poetry, aspiration, experi- 
 ence, ready for application to real life." 
 
 That boys are naturally fond of and should play 
 with dolls there is abundant indication. 
 
 — Ellis and Hall. 
 
 Every mother knows the development of tender- 
 ness and motherliness that goes on in her little girl 
 through the nursing and petting and teaching and 
 caring for her doll. — Kate Douglas Wiggin. 
 
 [80]
 
 TRAINING THE CHILD 
 
 The educational value of dolls is enormous. . . . 
 It educates the heart and will more than the intellect, 
 and to learn how to control and apply it will be to dis- 
 cover a new instrument in education of the very high- 
 est potency. — G. Stanley Hall. 
 
 Every impulse toward loving care of the doll 
 should be encouraged. — To the child in her 
 play it is a living child, and hence the experience 
 provides the same kind of emotional training that 
 would come from the care of a baby, without 
 the obvious disadvantages to the infant. When 
 the child declares that her doll will be lonely or 
 cold at night, the wise step, from the point of 
 view of moral education, is to meet her half-way 
 and say, "Very well you may put her bed close 
 beside yours," or, "You may cover her with the 
 warm blanket." In time she will discover the 
 facts and they will come to her without a shock. 
 But if the mother says, "She is only a doll; she 
 cannot feel," not only does the loving impulse 
 fail of expression, but the child only half believes 
 what is said; and if she acts upon the suggestion 
 it really means unkindness upon her part, and 
 that feeling is the one that is strengthened. 
 
 The extent to which a doll can be cared for 
 as if it were a child is the measure of its educa- 
 tional value. — The one that can be dressed and 
 undressed, bathed, fed, and freely cared for at 
 any time is far better than the expensive one that 
 is easily injured and whose finery must not be 
 soiled. The fact that the rag doll or the rubber 
 doll is often the one most clearly loved by the 
 child is evidence that this statement is war- 
 ranted, and that to act upon the suggestion is 
 not to lessen the pleasure of the child. 
 
 [81]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 Doll-play in boys should be encouraged, but 
 as they grow older not to the discouragement of 
 more virile amusements. — The tender side of 
 fatherhood has hardly reached the development 
 that it deserves in the average man, and further 
 progress in that line need not involve sacrifice 
 of any other qualities that are desirable. Tender- 
 ness toward children need not disqualify a man 
 for success in business, nor even as a soldier. 
 It is to be expected that the boy will earlier lose 
 his interest in such play, but while it lasts it 
 is one of the important opportunities of moral 
 education. 
 
 In time doll-play naturally gives place to the 
 care of pets or of young children, and such a 
 tendency should be encouraged. — As the child 
 grows older she gradually comes to realize that 
 the plaything does not in any way respond to 
 her loving care. Then comes a tendency, often 
 intermittent at first, to turn from the doll to 
 these living creatures as objects of her tender 
 feelings. It is the next step in nature's curricu- 
 lum of moral education, and sympathetic feelings 
 receive larger development in this way. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 1. Can you suggest any substitutes for doll-play that have the 
 same educational value? 
 
 2. How would you deal with the child who treats her doll un- 
 kindly? 
 
 3. When a child cries at bedtime because her doll has been left 
 out of doors what would you do about it? 
 
 4. Did the "teddy-bear" craze interfere with the training that 
 has been suggested above? Study the way that the children played 
 with the bears as a guide to the answer. 
 
 5. From the point of view of the child's welfare and pleasure, 
 what added value, if any, have very large and expensive dolls? 
 
 [82]
 
 L 
 
 I ST EN I NG to the Birds
 
 TRAINING THE CHILD 
 
 Lesson XX. Training in Kindness to the 
 Lower Animals 
 
 Kindness to animals is one of the expressions 
 of altruistic feeling, and hence is a means of its 
 education. Animals have some rights that should 
 be regarded, but kindness toward them is even 
 more important on account of its effect upon 
 character. In addition to the readings suggested 
 at the opening of Topic VI, which deal with the 
 general development of the feeling, helpful sug- 
 gestions will be found in the following references: 
 Our Children, by Paul Carus, pp. 46-49; the pub- 
 lications of The American Humane Education 
 Society, Boston, Mass.; those of local Humane 
 Societies, of the Audubon Societies, etc. Many 
 recent books on nature study will be helpful, 
 especially Nature Study and Life, by C. F. Hodge, 
 and How to Attract the Birds, by Gilbert Traf- 
 ton; Black Beauty, by Anna Sewell, and many sto- 
 ries by Ernest Thompson Seton will be useful to 
 put in the hands of children. 
 
 A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast. 
 
 — Proverbs 12:10. 
 
 Nothing softens the heart more than tenderness and 
 protection extended to the lower creation. 
 
 — Marshall Saunders. 
 
 We are all in the same boat, both animals and men. 
 You cannot promote kindness to one without bene- 
 fiting the other. — Edward Everett Hale. 
 
 Hunting and fishing are good outdoor exercises, 
 but they can be tolerated only on the condition that 
 
 [83]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 the mind does not dwell upon the havoc that is caused 
 in animal life. 
 
 — Paul Carus. 
 
 Certain impulses in the child tend toward 
 cruelty. — First of all, the child commonly does 
 not realize the suffering that he often causes the 
 little creatures that are within his power. The 
 contortions of a tortured animal give him delight 
 because he is entirely ignorant of its pain. Curi- 
 osity and delight in unusual activities often prompt 
 the child to unconscious cruelty. The desire to 
 make collections often leads to the taking of 
 birds' eggs, the collecting of insects, and the 
 mounting of the skins of birds and animals. 
 The hunting impulse, which was the means of 
 protection and subsistence of many generations 
 of our ancestors is to a certain extent instinc- 
 tive in the child. It finds manifestation in the 
 tendency to kill small animals, in the use of the 
 air-gun to shoot birds, and later in the pursuit 
 of game with more formidable weapons. Some of 
 these recreations have legitimate place within cer- 
 tain limits but they need wise guidance and careful 
 oversight, in case of the younger children and 
 youth, if they are not to work injury to character. 
 
 In positive training, one of the first points to 
 be guarded is that of example. — As far as is 
 possible young children should be shielded from 
 the sight of the taking of life either in the case 
 of pests or of animals used for food. In the city 
 home this is not difficult, but on the farm it will 
 require thoughtful planning. When the child 
 is old enough to realize the necessity of such 
 taking of life, and when it is effected without 
 
 [84]
 
 TRAINING THE CHILD 
 
 suffering to the creature, such a policy of con- 
 cealment is hardly wise. Especial care should be 
 observed that life is never wantonly taken or 
 suffering needlessly inflicted by those with whom 
 the child is associated. A child may easily be 
 hardened by what he observes in the conduct 
 of servants or playmates. 
 
 Another step toward the correction of the 
 unfortunate tendencies of child nature that are 
 mentioned above is to inform the child as to the 
 sufferings that his thoughtless conduct may 
 cause. — Some parents have caused a child who 
 neglected to feed his pets to go without a meal, 
 not so much as a retribution as that he might 
 learn to sympathize with them. One way of 
 giving positive training is by reading or provid- 
 ing for the child such stories as are mentioned 
 above. Most of these stories are overdrawn in 
 that they represent the mental life of the lower 
 animals as too much like our own, but it can 
 hardly be doubted that their influence is good on 
 the whole. 
 
 The best of all training is of the direct and 
 positive kind. — This is that by which the child 
 is led to the active expression of kindness to the 
 creatures. The care of pets has great value here. 
 The child who is trained to really kind and 
 thoughtful provision for their welfare is learning 
 lessons of tenderness that will appear in many 
 other relations. Besides this, very much can be 
 accomplished by leading the child to provide 
 food, shelter, and protection for wild animals and 
 birds. Though it is not commonly realized it 
 is true that children can easily tame wild squir- 
 rels and birds to such an extent that they will 
 
 [85]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 feed from their hands. It is particularly easy 
 to attract birds about the house by providing 
 nesting places and food. In country and village 
 this can always be done, and usually in the city, 
 if there is a tree on the lawn, by methods described 
 in the books mentioned above. The moral 
 value of such relationships with living creatures 
 is very great, and they afford the greatest pleas- 
 ure to children. Hunting with' the camera is 
 even more attractive to the youth than hunting 
 with the gun. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 1. What is the real value of games such as are used in the kin- 
 dergarten, in which the children represent caterpillars, butterflies, 
 birds, etc.? 
 
 2. A little child found a sick mouse and asked permission to care 
 for it. The mother's first thought can be easily imagined. Think- 
 ing that there was an opportunity for the culture of the child's feel- 
 ings of sympathy, she gave him a box of cotton to equip the hospital. 
 What do you think of this? 
 
 3. Before night the mouse died, there was a funeral in the back 
 yard, and the mother forgot the incident. Several days later she 
 asked the child to play out of doors because her head ached. He 
 said, "Oh, mamma, you go to bed and I will take care of you." 
 "You can't do it, you don't, know how," said the mother. "Oh, 
 yes, I do," said he; "I learned how taking care of that little mouse." 
 Had the boy really learned anything that was worth while? 
 
 4. There are often inconveniences attached to the keeping of 
 pets; are there any real dangers of disadvantage to the child? 
 
 5. What pets are most desirable? Why? 
 
 [86]
 
 TRAINING THE CHILD 
 
 Lesson XXL Training the Child in 
 Courtesy 
 
 Courtesy is the formal manifestation of kind- 
 ness. Though it may begin only as a form it 
 may react upon character. It is as closely 
 related to morality as to convention. References 
 to literature dealing with this phase of the child's 
 training will be found as indicated in the follow- 
 ing list of books: Childhood, by Mrs. Theodore 
 Birney, pp. 1 18-126; Hints on Child Training, 
 by H. Clay Trumbull, pp. 165-174; Child Cul- 
 ture in the Home, by Martha B. Mosher, pp. 
 164-18 1 ; Household Education, by Harriet Marti- 
 neau, pp. 295-360; Making the Best of Our Chil- 
 dren, by Mary Wood-Allen, pp. 1 13-128 and 
 193-200; The Mother's Book, by Lydia Maria 
 Childs, pp. 109-120 (old-fashioned forms, but 
 wise suggestions for training); Hints on Early 
 Education, published by Funk & Wagnalls, pp. 
 74-77; Concerning Children, by Charlotte Per- 
 kins Gilman, pp. 169-199; Bits of Home Talk, by 
 Helen Hunt Jackson, pp. 28-38, 65-70. 
 
 Be tenderly affectioned one to another; in honor 
 preferring one another. — Rom. 12 : 10. 
 
 Do nothing through faction or through vainglory, 
 but in lowliness of mind each counting other better 
 than himself; not looking each of you to his own things, 
 but each of you also to the things of others. 
 
 — Phil. 2 : 3, 4. 
 
 Good breeding is made up of a multitude of petty 
 sacrifices. 
 
 — Anon. 
 
 [87]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 The first requisite of good manners is self-forget- 
 fulness. — Mrs. Theodore W. Birney. 
 
 Courtesy is the external manifestation of a right 
 spirit toward others. — H. Clay Trumbull. 
 
 No child can become truly courteous unless he is 
 so in the every-day life of his home. 
 
 — Martha B. Mosher. 
 
 With all our care, however, we are not to expect 
 that the manners of children will be superior to those 
 of the persons with whom they habitually associate. 
 
 — Hints on Early Education. 
 
 "Hold your tongue!" says the mother. "Hold 
 yours!" answers the child and is promptly whipped 
 for impertinence. "I'll teach you to answer me like 
 that!" says angry mamma. And she does. 
 
 Charlotte Perkins Gilman. 
 
 Politeness is the formal expression of sympa- 
 thetic and kindly feeling toward others. — No 
 mere forms are essential to true courtesy. A 
 gentleman will reveal his spirit however ignorant 
 of social conventions he may be. The most 
 essential step in the formation of the child's man- 
 ners, then, is such training in unselfishness and 
 thoughtfulness for others as has been suggested 
 in preceding lessons. But certain opportunities 
 for kindness and service are so common that the 
 courteous ways of meeting them can be formally 
 taught. To observe these involves a reaction 
 upon the nature of the child and gives his unself- 
 ish impulses further culture. 
 
 Courtesy in the treatment of the child is of 
 the greatest importance. — Indeed, after the 
 
 [88]
 
 TRAINING THE CHILD 
 
 general training in thoughtfulness for others 
 nothing has greater influence in shaping the 
 child's standards and habits of politeness. Many 
 a parent who is scrupulously courteous to guests 
 and even to servants is far from polite in ordi- 
 nary dealings with the child. At least ninety- 
 nine times in the hundred nothing is lost and 
 much is gained by making requests instead of 
 commands. And the unnecessary command is 
 sometimes the least objectionable form of dis- 
 courtesy which children are compelled to endure. 
 To require from children that which they do not 
 receive in their relations with others in the home 
 is an inconsistency which they cannot fail to 
 perceive and resent. 
 
 Courtesy should be the regular rule and prac- 
 tise of the home. — The formality that would 
 be expected among strangers is surely out of place 
 in the familiar relations of home life, but the 
 essential spirit of courtesy may be preserved 
 without the stiffness and unnaturalness that 
 characterized a child's relations with his parents 
 a hundred years ago. The child who is selfish 
 and boorish in his relations with his brother, 
 sister, and the servants cannot radically change 
 his conduct when he is associated with others 
 outside the home. If by long practise in the 
 application of two standards the adult may 
 seem to do it, the lack of sincerity in his "com- 
 pany manners" is sure to appear in time. By 
 the child even such a sham cannot be maintained. 
 
 The ease and self-possession that society 
 admires is the result of self-forgetfulness. — 
 Hence when the child is to be placed in an unfa- 
 miliar social environment the greatest aid to good 
 
 [89]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 appearance is encouragement to seek the pleas- 
 ure of others. Unselfishness and naturalness are 
 the essence of good manners, and both are fos- 
 tered when the child's thoughts are turned from 
 himself to those with whom he is associated. 
 This very evident fact simply emphasizes anew 
 that politeness is the expression of unselfishness 
 and that the training in kindness is the essential 
 thing. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 1. If a child has been accustomed to commands, are there likely 
 to be difficulties in controlling him if requests are substituted? If 
 so, how may they be overcome? 
 
 2. Just what polite forms should be required of children in their 
 relations with each other in the home? 
 
 3. Is the emphasis upon the use of the word "please," which is 
 common in some homes, a really vital point in the training of cour- 
 tesy? Is there danger that it may sometimes obscure the apprecia- 
 tion of things that are essential? 
 
 4. Give from your own observation incidents illustrating suc- 
 cess or failure in training in courtesy, with reasons for the same as 
 far as they appeared. 
 
 [90]
 
 TRAINING THE CHILD 
 
 Lesson XXII. Training the Child to an 
 Interest in Missions 
 
 The missionary spirit is the broadest expres- 
 sion of altruistic feeling that we know. Relig- 
 ion, morality, and even good citizenship urge 
 toward such an attitude. If this spirit con- 
 trolled the world today wars would cease and 
 poverty would vanish. Surely it is to be cul- 
 tivated in the heart of the child. Such effort 
 as has been made to this end has been chiefly 
 by the Church, and most of the literature, so far 
 as it deals with the training of children, has to 
 do with the Sunday school; still it has some val- 
 uable suggestions for the home if they are wisely 
 adapted. Some of the most helpful references of 
 this kind will be found in courses of mission study 
 for primary and junior grades published by the 
 Young People's Missionary Movement, 156 
 Fifth Avenue, New York, and by various denom- 
 inations. Seven Little Sisters, by Jane Andrews, 
 and similar books used by kindergartners will 
 help in introducing the children of other lands; 
 books like The Children of the Poor, by Jacob 
 Riis, will give the parent information that will 
 open the way to an interest in city missionary 
 work; missionary papers for children, and espe- 
 cially the magazine "Everyland," published by 
 Everyland Publishing Co., West Medford, Mass., 
 will be helpful. 
 
 Let us carry missions into the Sunday school pri- 
 marily for the sake of our children themselves, that 
 they may come to their largest development. The 
 
 [91]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 immediate raising of money is a trivial thing as com- 
 pared with this great aim. 
 
 — J. T. McFarland. 
 
 "The spirit of sharing and self-giving that all mis- 
 sion study reveals to him will stimulate in him a desire 
 and will call on him for the practise of sharing his 
 possessions and giving of himself for the good of 
 others. Indeed, as the 'mighty ideal marches before 
 him' its vision will allure him to its ever widening 
 circles of activity, his growing soul will respond until 
 he will count all men his brethren and will enter into 
 that universal fellowship which is realized in the com- 
 munion of saints and symbolized in the Church of 
 God." 
 
 The child's missionary training must begin 
 through his relations with those whom he can 
 see and whose needs he can understand. — If 
 
 the natural development of his unselfish feelings 
 is to guide the training, before foreign missions 
 should come home missions, and before home 
 missions at a distance should come aid for the 
 needy near his own home. Such service of those 
 who are near is the best possible training for the 
 interest in foreign missions, for it is real training 
 of the impulses that are back of all missionary 
 effort. As the child grows older and comes to 
 realize the needs of those whose lives differ more 
 from his own, his interest will naturally broaden 
 and he will readily respond to further instruction. 
 At first the needs of children will bring the 
 largest response. — His own experiences have 
 not yet prepared him to sympathize with the 
 adult. To him "the heathen" are very vague 
 and unreal, but "a little boy in Africa" brings 
 a real response from intellect and heart. The 
 
 [92]
 
 TRAINING THE CHILD 
 
 best missionary instruction for young children 
 is given in stories of the children of other lands. 
 After such knowledge is given he can think and 
 pray and give in a way that will enlarge his own 
 heart. 
 
 The more that the missionary instruction 
 appeals to his senses the more effective it will 
 be. — The use of pictures, curios, toy villages of 
 pagan peoples, etc., will help to make the strange 
 life real to him. Dolls dressed to represent his 
 little brothers and sisters of far-away lands will 
 give more concreteness and reality to his con- 
 ception of those whom he is to serve and the 
 conditions that are to be corrected. 
 
 Giving for missions has educational value in 
 proportion as it is really the child's gift. — The 
 one contribution that is the product of effort or 
 self-denial on his part has far greater influence 
 in shaping character than many nominal gifts 
 that are furnished by another. It is not difficult 
 to secure such offerings if the instruction has 
 been of the kind outlined above. 
 
 The more definitely the gift is applied to the 
 meeting of particular needs the greater its reflex 
 influence is. — Great earthquakes, famines, and 
 similar calamities offer especial opportunities for 
 such training, for they bring conditions of need 
 that the child can readily comprehend. Best of 
 all, from the educational point of view, is giving 
 to meet the needs of a particular child. If in 
 such cases the recipient's name can be known, his 
 picture seen, letters received from him, the per- 
 sonal element is magnified, and the effect upon 
 the character of the giver is correspondingly 
 increased. As the child grows older the distinctly 
 
 [93]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 religious motive can be more largely emphasized, 
 and when he has learned how the money is used 
 in many ways to meet the individual needs he 
 may give to the cause in general. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 i. What gifts can children make for other children of home or 
 foreign mission fields? 
 
 2. In what definite ways may they practise self-denial to save 
 money for gifts for mission work for children? 
 
 3. What kinds of doll-play would you suggest as practical ways 
 of carrying out the suggestion made above? 
 
 4. Do children enjoy working and giving for such purposes as 
 have been indicated above? 
 
 [94]
 
 VIII 
 
 TRAINING THE CHILD TO REGARD 
 PROPERTY RIGHTS 
 
 The desire for property is a universal human 
 impulse. Without it man could hardly rise 
 above the animal level of existence. It affords 
 one the great means of rendering to others help 
 of many kinds. Disregard of property rights 
 is the chief source of crime. Two of the ten 
 commandments are concerned with the right 
 attitude toward the property rights of others. 
 The book of Proverbs is filled with exhortations 
 to industry and frugality. The New Testament 
 places great emphasis upon the duties of honesty 
 and generosity. Surely the training of the child 
 in regard to these things is one of the great duties 
 of the parent. 
 
 Helpful discussions of the topics which are 
 presented in Lessons VI to IX will be found in 
 the following books : Gentle Measures in the Train- 
 ing of the Young, by Jacob Abbott, pp. 268-280; 
 Our Children, by Paul Cams, pp. 34-45; Child- 
 hood, by Mrs. Theodore Birney, pp. 127-135; The 
 Place of the Story in Early Education, by Sarah 
 Wiltse — essay on " Learning to Use Money" 
 pp. 93-98; Studies in Education, Vol. II, edited by 
 Earl Barnes, paper on "Ought Children to be Paid 
 for Domestic Service?" by Blanche Dismorr, 
 
 [95]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 pp. 62-70; As the Twigis Bent,by Susan Chenery, 
 pp. 64-77, 105-115. 
 
 A particularly helpful discussion of several 
 phases of the subject is found in an article on 
 " Learning to Use Money" by Mrs. Luther 
 Gulick in The American Kitchen Magazine, Vol. 
 XV, No. 2. 
 
 Property: Its Origin and Development, by Charles 
 Letourneau, gives a full and not very technical 
 discussion of the way in which the feeling for 
 property has developed in the human race. 
 
 [96]
 
 REGARDING PROPERTY RIGHTS 
 
 Lesson XXIII. How the Sense of Property 
 Rights Develops 
 
 If any will not work, neither let him eat. 
 
 — 2 Thess. 3 : 10. 
 
 Give me neither poverty nor riches; 
 
 Feed me with the food that is needful for me: 
 
 Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is Jehovah? 
 
 Or lest I be poor, and steal. — Proverbs 30 : 8, 9. 
 
 The way in which a man spends his money is often 
 one of the surest tests of his character. 
 
 — William Matthews. 
 
 The child who is taught at an early age the legiti- 
 mate province of money will not be apt, as he grows 
 older, to worship it or to fawn upon those who possess 
 large wealth. — Mrs. Theodore Birney. 
 
 What the desire for property means. — It is 
 
 the impulse to provide from present plenty for 
 the time of future need. All races of men possess 
 it to some extent, and it becomes more prominent 
 in those that rise to the higher levels of civiliza- 
 tion and culture. It enables man by industry 
 and forethought to free himself from the drudg- 
 ery of constant effort to supply the physical 
 necessities of life, and makes it possible for him 
 to provide for the higher needs of his nature. 
 Money or other property is an equivalent for 
 labor and affords a means of storing the product 
 of one's effort. It affords a means of exchanging 
 one's own labor for that of another. Its posses- 
 sion makes it possible for one to aid others who 
 are at a distance, and in ways which his own 
 
 [97]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 strength and skill would not permit. The desire 
 for property, then, is a worthy impulse which is 
 to be encouraged in the child. 
 
 The origin of property. — Among the lowest 
 savages such property as is known is chiefly held 
 in common, and may be used by any member of 
 the tribe according to his need. This is the case 
 with the wild fruits and grains, the animals 
 taken in the chase, and the booty of war. So 
 the man uses as a rude tool the first suitable 
 stone that he finds, or wrenches from a tree a 
 branch that will serve him as a club; both of these 
 he casts aside when his need is satisfied, and the 
 next one who passes may have them if he wishes. 
 
 But by and by the savage sharpens and pol- 
 ishes the stone, and carves the handle of the 
 club which he had selected with particular care: 
 then they become his property. He has expended 
 effort upon them, has added to their value by his 
 own labor, and now he asserts his right to them. 
 Such was the beginning of individual property 
 rights. They were based upon the creation of 
 values. 
 
 The young child's natural sense of property 
 rights. — The natural impulse of the young 
 child is like that of the savages who hold things 
 in common. He takes what he needs from the 
 general store. He demands things simply be- 
 cause he wants them. Only gradually does he 
 learn that certain things are his and that certain 
 other things belong to others. Commonly this 
 is taught him in a perfectly arbitrary way through 
 prohibitions and commands and punishments 
 which are not reenforced by any impulses within 
 his own nature. 
 
 [98]
 
 REGARDING PROPERTY RIGHTS 
 
 Nature's plan (and that means God's plan) 
 seems to be that he should learn as the race has 
 done, that he should rise out of the sense of a 
 common ownership in the home of the property 
 which supplies his ordinary wants to that of 
 individual ownership through the creation of 
 values himself. It is only as he has property 
 of his own that he can really appreciate the prop- 
 erty rights of others. It is only as he makes 
 things or works to earn them, that he can feel 
 the real basis for property rights. If this be true, 
 as soon as it is possible the child should have 
 property of his own, and he should be encour- 
 aged to gain it by his own effort. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 S. Is there any other real basis for property rights than the fact 
 that the owner has in some way created value by his effort? 
 
 2. Can a child learn to respect the property rights of others with- 
 out any experience in controlling property of his own? 
 
 3. Should a parent use a child's property without his consent? 
 
 4. How far should a parent interfere to prevent a child from 
 destroying his own property? Might there be a loss that would over- 
 balance the financial one? 
 
 5. Should the child of well-to-do parents be discouraged from 
 earning money by labor or by some small business enterprise out- 
 side the home? 
 
 6. Can a child be paid for services in the home without encourag- 
 ing selfishness? Should he be paid for all services or for only a few? 
 
 7. Is it better to give a child an allowance, or to give him oppor- 
 tunity to earn? 
 
 [99]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 Lesson XXIV. Training the Child in 
 
 Honesty 
 
 Just balances, just weights, just ephah, and a just 
 hin shall ye have. — Lev. 19: 36. 
 
 Let him that stole, steal no more: but rather let him 
 labor. — Eph. 4: 28. 
 
 It will be good, too, if children begin young to earn 
 money, but this ought not to be done at the expense 
 of their education, nor in any way that would prac- 
 tically amount to begging, but in actually accomplish- 
 ing some useful work that possesses a value to the party 
 who pays for it. — Paul Carus. 
 
 The first step toward a just reward for the 
 property rights of others is to possess property 
 of one's own. — The average boy has vague ideas 
 of property rights in fruit, for example; but let 
 him make a strawberry bed of his own, pull the 
 weeds, water the plants, hoe them, watch the 
 blossoms as they come, and count the ripening 
 berries. He is now able to take a new view of 
 the rights of the neighboring farmer. So the boy 
 who has made a kite or a toy wagon has learned 
 much more than the use of tools; it has become 
 possible for him to sympathize with other owners. 
 
 But the possession of property which has not 
 been earned tends to weaken the regard for 
 others' rights. — To get something for nothing 
 fosters the feeling that the rights of property 
 may be based upon might or cunning as well 
 as upon labor put forth and service rendered. 
 Even the giving of a regular allowance is not as 
 
 [ 100]
 
 REGARDING PROPERTY RIGHTS 
 
 helpful as the provision of an opportunity to 
 earn, and for this reason the first should never 
 wholly displace the second. 
 
 Trade and barter among the children may 
 afford a moral discipline if wisely guided. — There 
 is a natural tendency toward this that appears 
 in most children by the time that they have 
 reached ten years of age. Because of the child's 
 lack of good judgment it is often discouraged 
 by the parent, or, on the other hand, especial 
 sharpness in driving bargains is commended by 
 them. By explaining to the child that the under- 
 lying principle of trade is not to get more than 
 one gives, but to exchange what another desires 
 for what is more valuable to one's self, it can be 
 made to contribute to character. 
 
 The child who takes or injures another's prop- 
 erty should replace it by his own labor. — If the 
 parent makes restitution the one who has been 
 injured does not suffer, but the character of the 
 child who did the wrong does. The making of 
 restitution on his own part gives him precisely 
 the lesson that enables him to understand the 
 nature of the wrong that he has done. 
 
 A CASE FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 A boy of twelve years obtained ten dollars by a method which 
 he knew to be of very questionable honesty. When it was discov- 
 ered his mother said, "The boy should have a bank account of his 
 own that he may know what it is to own property." She proposed 
 to start it with these ten dollars. 
 
 1. How far was she right, and how far wrong? 
 
 2. What form of punishment might wisely be used in such a 
 case? 
 
 3. Where is it probable that mistakes had been made in the 
 former training of the boy? 
 
 4. How would you deal with such a case? 
 
 [IOI]
 
 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 Lesson XXV. Training the Child in 
 Prudence and Frugality 
 
 He that loveth pleasure shall be a poor man: 
 He that loveth wine and oil shall not be rich. 
 
 There is precious treasure and oil in the dwelling 
 of the wise; 
 
 But a foolish man swalloweth it up. 
 
 — Proverbs 21:17, 2 °- 
 
 There is that withholdeth more than is meet, but it 
 tendeth only to want. — Proverbs 11 : 24. 
 
 One of the most important parts of the education 
 of both girls and boys ... is to teach them the proper 
 management of money. And this may very effect- 
 ively be done by giving them a fixed and definite 
 income to manage, and then throwing upon them the 
 responsibility of the management of it, with such a 
 degree of guidance, encouragement, and aid as a 
 parent can easily render. — Jacob Abbott. 
 
 Prudence and frugality in the use of money 
 have a moral value. — The wasteful use of money 
 almost invariably involves self-indulgence and a 
 pursuit of pleasure that weakens character. 
 Aside from this it gives rise to two conditions 
 that form temptation to dishonesty: it develops 
 a habit of spending money freely, and at the same 
 time exhausts the resources for expenditure. To 
 learn to use with prudence and wisdom one's 
 own property removes the strongest incentives 
 to trespass upon the property rights of others. 
 
 Avarice and the miserly spirit are perversions 
 of this virtue. — These must be guarded against 
 
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 REGARDING PROPERTY RIGHTS 
 
 in the training. When one seeks to gather money 
 beyond his prospective needs, when he comes to 
 value it not for its purchasing value but as an 
 end in itself, the normal desire for property with 
 which nature has equipped the child has been 
 turned aside from its natural development. To 
 save simply for the sake of saving is not a virtue. 
 Teaching the child to save his money must be 
 thoughtfully and wisely done, or it may encourage 
 the spirit of greed and the habit of hoarding. 
 
 The child's natural impulse is to use his money 
 for immediate gratification. — In most of his 
 interests the young child lives in and for the 
 present. He has very vague conceptions of the 
 wants and needs of tomorrow. Say to the five- 
 year-old, " I will give you this stick of candy now, 
 or if you will wait a week you may have five 
 sticks," and almost invariably he will choose one 
 stick at the present time. Make the same offer 
 to a ten-year-old child and the result will be 
 reversed, because the future is more real to him. 
 This disposition of the young child to prefer a 
 present pleasure to a much greater one at a future 
 time is the one that is to be gradually counter- 
 acted by the training in frugality and prudence. 
 
 The child learns to use money wisely not by 
 saving, but by spending. — To permit a child to 
 earn regularly, or to give him a small but definite, 
 allowance and guide him in the wise use of it, 
 will develop traits of character that could not be 
 encouraged by a gift of money to be deposited 
 in a bank. Even young children may be advan- 
 tageously dealt with in this way, and may learn 
 to spend wisely and to save for future use if the 
 expenditures are fully discussed, but the child is 
 
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 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 left to make the final decision and to suffer the 
 consequences of unwise choice. (Several of the 
 readings recommended above, particularly those 
 by Gulick and Abbott, discuss methods in detail.) 
 
 A CASE FOR DISCUSSION 
 
 A Christian mother, in evident distress of mind, told a friend 
 that her son had been guilty of dishonesty, and asked for advice. 
 When he asked the circumstances she replied, "He has taken money 
 from his bank to buy candy." "From his bank?" said the friend. 
 "Well," said the mother, "that is what he said when I punished him, 
 but the money was not given him to spend but to save." 
 
 1. Is it wise to "give" a child money that is not really his? 
 
 2. Is it wise to permit a child to spend all or most of his money 
 for candy? 
 
 3. Is urging the child to save for no purpose in particular the 
 best mode of counteracting such a tendency or desire? 
 
 4. Suppose the parents had encouraged the child to deny him- 
 self candy at least a part of the time for several weeks that he might 
 buy a kite. Suppose that as he grew older he was led to save for a 
 longer period that he might buy a fishing-rod. Suppose that still 
 later he saved for a year or for several years to buy a watch or 
 bicycle. He would not have his money in the bank, but would he 
 have anything to compensate for that lack? 
 
 5. What discipline of character would he have gained? 
 
 6. What is the relation of such training to economy and thrift? 
 
 [ 104]
 
 REGARDING PROPERTY RIGHTS 
 
 Lesson XXVI. Training the Child in 
 Generosity 
 
 It is more blessed to give than to receive. 
 
 — Acts 20: 35. 
 
 He that giveth, let him do it with simplicity. 
 
 — Rom. 12 : 8. 
 
 Let him labor . . . that he may have to give to 
 him that needeth. — Eph. 4 : 28. 
 
 The natural selfishness of the child must be 
 recognized. — As has been pointed out in an 
 earlier lesson, this natural tendency is essential to 
 the development of honesty, and should not be 
 entirely eradicated. To force the child to give 
 against his will can hardly be helpful. Indeed 
 he may react against such treatment, feeling that 
 he is wronged, and become more selfish. 
 
 But the germs of unselfishness are in every 
 child. — These generous impulses, however weak, 
 should be led to expression that they may grow 
 through exercise. In case of the only child in a 
 family, or of others where unselfishness is not 
 naturally fostered in every-day life, there is need 
 of special training. 
 
 The formation of a habit of giving is not enough. 
 — The child who is taught to bring a penny to 
 church may continue to do so when he is a man 
 and his gifts should be dollars. To give at Sun- 
 day school an offering which has been provided 
 by another for that purpose is not a training in 
 generosity. When a child gives what he has 
 earned by his own effort, or what has been given 
 him for his own use, genuinely unselfish feelings 
 
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 CHILD NATURE AND CHILD NURTURE 
 
 find expression, and those feelings gain a larger 
 place in his nature through the expression. 
 
 If training is to be effective, unselfishness must 
 be its own reward. — When a child does an unself- 
 ish act from a generous impulse and a parent 
 rewards him for it, a selfish feeling is substituted 
 for the unselfish one. A child said, "If I give 
 this penny for the missionaries, will you give me 
 another?" The mistake that had been made in 
 the child's training is very obvious. The natural 
 glow of pleasure that follows an unselfish act is 
 nature's reward, and it is enough. 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR FURTHER DISCUSSION 
 
 1. In what ways can a young child give expression to really gen- 
 erous feeling? 
 
 2. Is generosity developed when a child gives away broken toys 
 and other things that he does not want? 
 
 3. Would you allow a child to give away playthings that he 
 really prizes? 
 
 4. Can a child be taught from the first to give a certain propor- 
 tion of his income? Is it wise to give such training? 
 
 5. Does the usual observance of Christmas cultivate generosity 
 or selfishness in children? What reforms, if any, might be made? 
 
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