UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA. 
 
 01 FT OF 
 
 r\ 
 
 
 Cfcws 
 
 n 
 
 t\ >7e 
 
C. MASON KINNE, 
 
 Assistanti, ijeercwary, 
 UVERPOOL 4 LONDON & GLOBE INS. CO. 
 
 422 CALIFORNIA ST., S. F, 
 
COAST REVIEW JOB PRINT 
 
Oj WlflPSJieK * fl Collection of 
 
 original sbort Stories, Sketches, Anecdotes 
 and essays. Contributed by the members 
 of tbe fire Underwriters' Association of 
 tbe Pacific, and printed by order of tbe 
 
 Association. 
 
 SAN FRANCISCO, 
 February 17th, 1898, 
 
THE KNAPSACK 
 
 "THE SPECIAL AND His GRIP." See page 177. 
 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 Knapsack is as familiar to the insurance people of the 
 Pacific Coast as fruit and flowers; like sunshine in a 
 shady place, it brings light and warmth where it is most ap- 
 preciated; it has served to cheer the tedium of an exacting 
 business; and has no enemies. 
 
 From a small beginning, experimentally, it has become an 
 important feature of the annual meetings of the Fire Under- 
 writers' Association of the Pacific. In the beginning, papers 
 were only prepared by the chairman of standing committees, 
 and the Knapsack was introduced as a convenient catch-all 
 for subjects "grave or gay." In time, the members before 
 whom papers were read, became restive if any part of the 
 Knapsack was "grave," and at a later date, one serious paper 
 caused an open revolt; this was hint enough to the editor; 
 and thereafter the Knapsack was dedicated to mirth. 
 
 The record of its first few years is preserved intact herein, 
 because of its historic interest, but the rest of this little 
 volume is devoted to that which it is thought will best in- 
 terest the members of the Association quips and quirks, fun 
 and satire, culled from the records. 
 
 I*et it be known that the Fire Underwriters' Association of 
 the Pacific is like a united family; there is a willing hand and 
 a friendly interest from one to all; the ready laugh and quick 
 applause is more the outburst of affection than of criti- 
 cal appreciation. The subject of this book being largely 
 local, the interest in it very properly centers at home. 
 Those who edit the Knapsack perform a labor of love, and 
 where love rules, criticism is unknown. 
 
HISTORICAL. 
 
 $ the occasion of the third annual meeting of the 
 
 Fire Underwriters' Association of the Pacific, pre- 
 sided over by Mr. A. P. Flint, held in San Francisco, 
 February iSth, 1879, the Knapsack was conceived; the 
 subject was introduced by Mr. L. L. Bromwell in the 
 form of a motion, which met the approval of the As- 
 sociation, and then and there was created, in the fol- 
 lowing words: U A repository for the collection of 
 material, and interesting subjects, not properly be- 
 longing to any committee, to be called The California 
 Knapsack." The same to be read at the meetings of 
 the Association. 
 
 In the printed list of officers for the year 1880, ap- 
 pears the statement that The California Knapsack is man- 
 aged by Col. C. Mason Kinne and Wm. Macdonald. 
 After the initial number had been read, President 
 C. T. Hopkins said, with enthusiasm, "The Knapsack 
 is too good to be allowed to perish." 
 
 Col. Kinne continued editor until the year 1885. 
 
 Geo. F. Grant had charge in 1886 and 1887. 
 
 E. W- Carpenter in 1888; and 
 
 A. J. Wetzlar in 1889 and 1890. 
 Since that date, to the present time, the Knapsack 
 has been under the guidance of Mr. Geo. F. Grant, 
 assisted by Mr. Edward Niles. 
 
THE KNAPSACK. 
 
7 HE KNAPSACK. 
 
 LAST CALL FOR "COPY." 1880. 
 
CALIFORNIA KNAPSACK. 
 VOL i. No. i. 
 
 C. MASON KINNE, - Manager. 
 
 PROSPECTUS. 
 
 THE manager of the Knapsack desires to convey to its subscribers 
 the assurance that it starts out on the troubled sea of journalism with a 
 large capital, vast resources, and an array of talent second to none of the 
 first class periodicals of the day. 
 
 Its design is set forth in the resolution which called it into being, and 
 if a realization of its purpose is half as successful as the enthusiasm of its 
 conception a year ago all will be well. 
 
 Being a i2-months child, it ought to come into the world (as it does) 
 full fledged and vigorous. 
 
 We are prepared for any weather favorable or adverse our blankets 
 are rolled and strapped, and the cold reception sometimes awarded to 
 venturesome news-mongers will not affect us. The Knapsack is filled with 
 good things, "from grave to gay, from lively to severe;" and without 
 more of preface will proceed to show what of our promises can be ful- 
 filled. 
 
 THERE had been a fire of some extent in Oregon, and a gathering 
 of insurance people and commercial men was the immediate result. Din- 
 ing together, it was noticed that an unnaturally good appetite and a 
 proverbial scarcity of good things, sometimes caused one of the genial 
 adjusters to go for things quite early and freely. Some allusion being 
 made to the fact that he represented the only company whose policy 
 called for the expenses of the adjuster to be paid by the assured, one of 
 the travelers quickly put the absence of viands and this clause in juxta- 
 position after this fashion: "Yes, and I see that he is utilizing the 'ad- 
 juster's claws' already." After that the rest of us stood a better show at 
 the table. 
 
 APROPOS of the coining of new words and changes in the or- 
 thography of old ones, we note that some of the fire companies in writing 
 to their people in the old Mormon district of Southern California, spell the 
 town San Burnardino. 
 
2 THE KNAPSACK 1880 
 
 THE SCALPER'S SOLILOQUY. 
 [Tune THE OLD SEXTON.] 
 
 Nigh to a house that was newly made, 
 Stood a "Scalper" bold, and thus he said 
 The risk is good, and without delay 
 I'll measure the width of this alley-way; 
 Ah! it's only nine feet six I see, 
 For the "tariff" too narrow, alas for me! 
 And he sighed from his quivering lips so thin, 
 I must gather it in I must gather it in. 
 
 I must gather it in for, year after year 
 
 I've shaved the "tariff" without favor or fear; 
 
 And rated these houses that cluster around, 
 
 Without any regard to "exposures" as found ; 
 
 "Extra" and "special," "gilt-edged" and "scum," 
 
 Find place in my companies one by one ; 
 
 But come they from strangers or come they from kin, 
 
 I gather them in I gather them in. 
 
 Not many are with me, still I'm not alone, 
 
 I'm king of the "tariff" and make it my throne ; 
 
 In dealing out rates I'm both cautious and bold, 
 
 And my sceptre of rule is the "cheek" that I hold ; 
 
 From cottage or mansion men come at my call, 
 
 And I fix up a rating to suit great and small ; 
 
 Let them dicker for "rebate" or come down with the "tin," 
 
 I gather them in I gather them in. 
 
 I gather them in and my secret I rest 
 
 Far down in the depths of my own guilty breast ; 
 
 And the "Scalper" ceased- -for lo, in the street 
 
 He spied a "square " agent he cared not to meet. 
 
 And I said to myself, when lime is told, 
 
 A mightier voice than that ' Scalper's" bold 
 
 Will sound o'er the last trump's direful din, 
 
 I gather him in I gather him in. 
 
 A FIRE INSURANCE AGENT refused to issue a policy to a man who 
 owned a broken- winged hen. He said the company had cautioned him 
 to look out for defective flews. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1880 
 
 A SHADOW ON THE BUSINESS. 
 
 nUCH has been written on the subject of insurance, bearing upon its 
 origin, science, practice and development. 
 
 Much has been said in convention and annual meeting. Happy bursts 
 of impromptu, have told the humorous side. I do not remember to have 
 heard discussed what may be termed the shadow on the business. 
 
 That there is a dramatic, even tragic element, is well known to the 
 gentlemen composing this Association. It is not known to the superior 
 officer. It borders on sentiment, and is not in keeping with comparative 
 statements, classifications or dividends. If the heart of the special is 
 wrung in the pursuit of his duty, it does not appear in his report. Not 
 once, but often, the sad, sad spectacle of hope destroyed, ambition 
 wasted, homes broken, family ties severed, and worse, is included in an 
 adjustment. You do not seek these particulars ; they come with the other 
 particulars. 
 
 In the midst of ruin with some stricken, dazed claimant, you go over 
 and over the same story, picking out the facts which serve to make proof 
 that no condition of the contract has been violated or the reverse. 
 
 The company's check will hardly suffice to provide new clothing for 
 the children. What is that to you? Your stony face is a terror to that 
 widow. You have need of that stony face to hide your real feelings. Do 
 you remember when the neighbors told how valiantly claimant Blank had 
 worked that he might save his property ? 
 
 Oh yes, you thought, same old story. You hunted up his dwelling. 
 In reply to your question the gentleman said " I am not Mr. Blank, I am 
 his physician ; he is dead died suddenly of heart disease, from overwork." 
 
 That was a good settlement ; the directors approved the application 
 of the removal clause the claimant did not talk back ; but the wail of 
 mourning lingers in your memory. 
 
 Then the day we took train together bound for that delinquent agent, 
 that tiresome, evasive, delinquent agent, with his merry-happy-go-lucky 
 disposition, his cozy home, his hospitality. 
 
 The limit was reached; he had been warned. We did not for a 
 moment doubt that we would prosecute him to the full extent. 
 
 We nerved ourselves to meet his genial denial, with firmness. We 
 reached the spot just after they had cut the body down. 
 
 There he was! A suicide! His young, handsome face purple in death. 
 No money to be made by talking to it. 
 
 Did we sympathize with the little broken-hearted woman ? 
 
 My friend, we got that balance, which the President said was doing 
 first rate, under the circumstances. 
 
4 THE KNAPSACK 1880 
 
 Our sympathy and the recollection of the many good traits of his 
 character are left to mock us. 
 
 HARRY SMITH'S STORY. 
 
 HARRY SMITH, peace be to his ashes, once gave me a leaf from 
 his experience. Seeing in the newspaper an account of loss, 
 one of his own pet mountain risks, he packed up and started. 
 From the stage-driver he gathered particulars. 
 
 It was a hard case ; the claimant, an honest miner, with his family, 
 was burned out of house and home and was camping in a shanty. No 
 water to work the rocker credit almost gone. Driver didn't know if the 
 house was insured; nice house, cost a power of money. Didn't know 
 how the fire started. It was six miles to town, too far to give an alarm. 
 
 Harry alighted, and was met by the assured. "Do you remember 
 me?" said Harry. "Oh yes, I remember, you're the insurance man. I 
 haven't got anything to insure now, Mister ; yonder is my house under 
 them ashes." "Well," said Harry, "It was insured, wasn't it?" "No! 
 No ! I meant to have it done over again, but the time went by and it run 
 out. It's no use my grieving over it, stranger, but it brings us down to 
 bedrock." 
 
 "Well, my man," said Harry, "I know more about that policy than 
 you do. It has not run out yet, and I am here to pay you the money." 
 "What!" he shrieked. "W r hat! Mister, don't you fool with me. You 
 mean it! Wife! Wife! we're saved, saved!" 
 
 "Here, children! run and call your mother; excuse me, sir, I can't 
 stand it; you tell the old woman." And the honest fellow went off and 
 shed tears, which thumb-screws could not have forced from him. 
 
 Harry camped with them that night ; there were four children playing 
 about the place, with a big St. Bernard dog. 
 
 The host noticed Harry's look of admiration directed to the dog, and 
 after a few words with his wife and the children, said: "Mr. Smith, we 
 want to give you something for a keepsake ; we haven't anything but the 
 dog ; if you will take the dog with our best love, we give him to you 
 freely. I wouldn't give him to another man, Mr. Smith. Money couldn't 
 buy him from us." Harry accepted the present in the spirit of the gift. 
 Next morning, when the stage loomed in sight, a mournful group of 
 children led the dog forward ; each one hugged him in turn and whispered 
 a brief farewell. Harry took in the situation and addressed the children, 
 in that cheery voice we remember so well, as follows: 
 
 "My little friends, I think that is the prettiest dog I ever saw, but I 
 wouldn't take him away from you no not for the world. I give him back 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1880 
 
 to you, my little friends." The shout of joy that went up was dearei to 
 Harry's heart than a thousand dollar salvage. He mounted the seat be- 
 side the driver, and was lost to their sight -forever! G. 
 
 POKER BILL. 
 I. 
 
 TTT was in the days of stage travel over the Mojave desert from Los 
 Ji Angeles, before the Loop road was completed, that a party of 
 travelers stood shivering at two in the morning of a spring day, 
 waiting orders to get aboard the deep-chested, leather-lined Concord 
 coach bound for Caliente, at that time the railroad terminus. Among 
 the number, your contributor, used up by two days and nights anxious 
 work on a particular adjustment. 
 
 At the word he glides into the inside front seat, folds about him his 
 ulster and falls immediately into sleep, deep as a well and welcome as 
 May flowers. No amount of squeezing disturbs him. He sways with 
 the motion of the coach and peacefully rebounds with each concussion ; 
 the first streak of dawn reveals him in these airy flights. It lights up the 
 inside passengers, showing the form of a burly, glad-hearted, cheery- 
 voiced commercial traveler, known to the trade as "Old Iron;" also a 
 slight, fair-haired, blue-eyed, boyish-looking young fellow, just up from a 
 two-weeks' vacation in Arizona, sun-burned like a pirate, and armed like 
 a footpad. The other passengers were of the usual variety. They are 
 wide-awake, fresh and buoyant, drinking in the cool, delicious morning 
 air. A dense, almost sufficating sweetness is in the breeze a pure scent 
 of bud and blossom everywhere. Suddenly a gold and yellow sunrise 
 bursts forth, tingling the senses with delight. The very horses feel the ex- 
 hilaration. The driver, too, is at his best. He pulls the six plunging 
 broncos to a standstill, and tells somebody to get down quick, at the same 
 time informing the off-leader confidentially that he will cut the whole 
 heart out of him in a little minute. 
 
 The somebody got down quickly and joined the insiders. He was a 
 timid looking tourist, faultlessly dressed for travel, with an eye for points 
 that smacked of the guide-books. Before many minutes he communicated 
 to the commercial traveler a fear that the outside passengers were a 
 desperate lot. "Their whole talk is of stage-robbers, and all of them 
 carry deadly weapons." "Old Iron" saw his chance and seized it. Point- 
 ing to the sleeping special, he said in a tragic whisper, "That's Poker 
 Bill himself!" "Who who is he?" faltered the tourist. "What! never 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1880 
 
 heard of Poker Bill, the Arizona outlaw? used to live in Baltimore; killed 
 his father in '61 ; ran away and joined the Turks ; turned up last year in 
 Arizona. He is the captain of that gang outside. He's a dead shot. I 
 once saw him shoot a man's ear off man refused to drink with him. He 
 can pick the end of your nose off, as easy ; best natured man in the world 
 if you don't rile him ; when he's riled it just seems as if hell was let loose. 
 You take a fool's advice and don't you rile him. I ain't afraid of him my- 
 self; no, sir. I once saved his life. He thinks the world of me; he is 
 going up to the Bay to keep shady for a while shot a girl down in 
 Prescott just an accident a mistake, as you may say; but the folks 
 wouldn't have it ; they draw the line on girls in Prescott. It's near break" 
 fast time, and I'm going to wake him up; mind you don't you rile 
 him." 
 
 The passengers enjoyed the sport, and blinked and grinned at each 
 other. The tourist grinned, too, but in an uneasy way, like one who is 
 sea-sick. 
 
 When "Old Iron" woke me with a vigorous shake, my remonstrance 
 was couched in such forcible yet injudicious language, that the heart of 
 the tourist sank within him, and the hope of meeting a mild-mannered 
 cut-throat died in his breast. A few broad hints gave me the cue. We 
 fooled him to the top of his bent. We waded in gore for his benefit, re- 
 hearsed scenes of horrible fancy, dragged to light bleeding hearts and 
 quivering fibers; while his face now pale, now flushed settled into a 
 blue- white glare disagreeable to look upon. At this stage of the proceed- 
 ings the fair-haired passenger took a hand. 
 
 Up to this time, he had simply assented to the worst propositions by 
 silent and solemn nods, as if mentally checking off familiar incidents. He 
 now produced a wicked-looking bowie-knife from his boot-leg and pro- 
 ceeded leisurerly to pick his teeth. This was too much. With one 
 bound the tourist disappeared through the stage-door ; with alarm we saw 
 him roll over and over in the dust. The stage halted ; slowly the victim 
 approached uninjured, a wretched object. With outstretched arms and 
 a trembling voice, he begged the mystified driver to let him ride outside. 
 He rode outside all day, in the heat and dust. He would not leave his 
 perch ; breakfast, dinner, supper had no charm for him. At sunset the 
 passengers held council ; something had to be done. Supper was nearly 
 over, and there he sat, alone, on the roof of the coach. By request, I 
 reasoned with him I said: "My dear sir, get down and eat; don't you 
 see it is all a joke? " No reply. " Get down like a good fellow and have 
 supper." Silence. Sternly then I cried, "Look here, confound you, if 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1880 
 
 you don't get off that stage inside a minute, I'll blow a hole in you big 
 enough to throw a pie through." That brought him. Down he came and 
 did eat ate like one who had fasted long in the wilderness. 
 
 We rode through the twilight and reached the sleeping car on time. 
 As I stretched myself in bed with a thrill of pleasure, in anticipating 
 sleep, I heard a troubled voice inquire : 
 
 ' ' Conductor, has Poker Bill gone to bed ? " ' ' Who ? " " Poker Bill , 
 the Arizona outlaw." "Never heard of him." "Why, I saw you take a 
 cigar from him and ask after his brother not five minutes ago." "Oh! 
 him ; what did you call him Arizona outlaw ? Outlaw be damnedthat's 
 an insurance adjuster." 
 
 IT WAS NOT the Secretary of a local company, doing a national 
 business, that was recently offered a line on Zion's Co-Operative Institu- 
 tion of Salt Lake, at one per cent. After "hemming and hawing" at the 
 physical inadequacy of the rate, he finally succumbed with the remark, 
 " But, after all, it must be a moral hazard. I have heard Zion very fav- 
 orably spoken of." And the policy clerk wrote it up. 
 
 SAN FRANCISCO, February 3, 1880. 
 
 COL. C. MASON KINNE, EDITOR California Knapsack, My dear 
 sir : The following clipping, from a recent number of the Scientific 
 American, we consider of sufficient importance to find permanent lodg- 
 ment in No. i, Vol. i, of our fraternity's Knapsack of useful knowledge: 
 
 FIRE FROM STEAM PIPES. 
 
 To the Editor of the Scientific American: In answer to D. E. 
 Smith, Oneida Community, N. Y., I will say fourteen years' observation 
 has led me to the conclusion that it is utterly impossible to fire wood, or 
 even touch paper or tinder, with steam in pipes up to any pressure of 
 steam at maximum density *'. e., not superheated that can be carried on 
 any ordinarily constructed boiler. 
 
 Why do not the wooden lagging of steam engine cylinders, portable 
 boilers and large steam pipes on steamships, etc., take fire? or the dust 
 that accumulates on steam coils in woodworking machine shops? Simply 
 because the temperature of the steam pipe is not sufficiently high, and 
 that the lowest temperature capable of doing so is between 500 and 700 
 Fah. 
 
 But some will hint at conditions and make use of the words "concen- 
 tration of heat" and "spontaneous combustion." 
 
8 THE KNAPSACK 1880 
 
 Heat of this description cannot be concentrated, and is not capable of 
 making anything hotter than itself, and spontaneous combustion has no 
 place in our consideration, other than, if we are dealing with substances 
 that are likely to fire spontaneously, heat will assist them, whether from 
 steam pipes or any other source. 
 
 No one imagines they can light a stick against a boiling kettle 
 (temperature 212), but many will say, how would it be if I had 100 or 200 
 pounds of steam; it would be so much hotter then? It will be hotter. 
 The following table shows the increase in temperature for each 100 
 pounds in pressure (above atmosphere) up to 400 pounds. Let them 
 judge for themselves : 
 
 Pressure. Temp. Fah. Increase temp. 
 
 i Ib. 214 
 
 100 Ib. 338 124 ist loo 
 
 200 Ib. 388 50 2d " 
 
 300 Ib. 422 34 3d " 
 
 400 Ib. 448 26 4th " 
 
 Respectfully, 
 
 WM. J. BALDWIN, Heating Engineer. 
 Elmira, N. K, January i, 1880. 
 
 THE other day an amiable looking and quite pretty young lady got 
 into a crowded Mission street car and steadied herself by one of the roof 
 straps. 
 
 "I beg you will sit still don't move," she said sweetly to a young 
 man who offered to rise. The gentleman resumed his seat and waited 
 until the car had gone about a mile beyond Woodward's Gardens and 
 everybody but the young lady and himself had gotten out. Then, turn- 
 ing to his fellow passenger, he said : 
 
 "Now, then, Miss, what is it?" 
 
 "What is what?" said the lady, beginning to look offended. 
 
 "Why, you asked me not to get out now, what can I do for you?" 
 
 The young lady explained, with much confusion, that she only meant 
 to decline depriving the gentleman of his seat. 
 
 "Why, you don't say so!" exclaimed the gentleman with apparent 
 surprise. "Why, to be sure I might have known how stupid of me. 
 A pity, too, as I was on my way to church." 
 
 "I'm very sorry," faltered the young lady. 
 
 "Well, it can't be helped now," continued the other sadly; and to 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1880 
 
 show her he wasn't in the least mad he handed her out of the car and 
 walked clear home with her. 
 
 IT BURNED a few weeks ago, but the records of Santa county 
 
 failed to show that the assured had any title to the nice little dwelling. 
 So the adjuster quietly "hung up" the claim. On his next visit to the 
 town he was approached by the agent of a rival company, who had 
 evidently been retained by the assured, and who explained that the ap- 
 parent discrepancy was only the result of a little mistake. "You see," 
 said he, ' ' my friend was instructed to insure the property by its owner 
 (who, by the way, generally insures with me), and by mistake had the 
 policy made in his own name ; but the Confederacy Insurance Company, 
 which I represent, would never resist the claim on that account. We 
 always consider the intention." " Is that so !" said our genial adjuster 
 of doleful name. "Well then, it was doubtless the intention of your 
 regular customer to order his property insured with you, and you had 
 better pay the loss." 
 
 AND now, the manager having selected the foregoing from the mass 
 of matter provided, he realizes that life is short and time is precious, so, 
 with the statistics of a Bromwell, the pleasantry of a Carpenter, the poesy 
 of a Bailey, the pleasing diction or earnest pathos of a Grant, the clip- 
 pings of a Staples and sundries by myself, we will buckle up the Knap- 
 sack and go "marching on" for another while. 
 
 Having so kindly, considerately, and generously held open the ample 
 flap of the Knapsack, in order that the charges of rhetoric and humor 
 might be fired in by the anxious and waiting throng of contributors, we 
 propose to thank one and all alike for their assistance in this, the first 
 essay in the journalistic realm. 
 
10 THE KNAPSACK 1881 
 
 CALIFORNIA KNAPSACK. 
 VOL. i. No. 2. 
 
 C. MASON KINNE, - - - - - - Manager. 
 
 FIRE UNDERWRITERS' ASSOCIATION OF THE PACIFIC, 
 Editorial Rooms California Knapsack, 422 California Street, 
 
 San Francisco, Feb. i, 1881. 
 
 MR. : 
 
 Dear Sir Again the Editor of the Knapsack has to call upon its 
 patrons for copy. The manuscript that you have, no doubt, prepared 
 long ago for this demand is expected to be sent to our Editorial Rooms 
 on or before the i2th instant. 
 
 The success attending our first issue should prompt you to give us a 
 sample of your brightest thoughts, tersely expressed, embracing such 
 matters as properly pertain to the very "broad gauge" of an insurance 
 man. 
 
 It is hoped and expected that your missives will "fall in promptly." 
 
 Very respectfully, 
 
 C. MASON KINNE, Editor. 
 
 EDITORIAL ROOMS California Knapsack, 
 
 San Francisco, Feb. 15, 1881. 
 
 In entering upon this, the second volume of our valuable and valued 
 journal, we have to congratulate ourselves upon the flattering reception 
 accorded us last year, and to not only congratulate but thank our mem- 
 bers who have so kindly answered the demand for "copy." 
 
 As this periodical is intended as a repository for the collection of 
 material and remarks on interesting subjects not properly belonging to 
 any committee, it was deserving of success, and this issue as well as the 
 last proves that some such omnium gatherum was a requisite, and fur- 
 nishes a vehicle for much that is rich and racy, valuable and entertaining. 
 
 From the many contributions to our columns, the manager selects 
 those he proposes to present to you, with the statement that the others 
 are fully as deserving of a place ; but life is short and time is precious, 
 and we have no desire to weary you beyond endurance. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1881 n 
 
 BLACKSMITHING IN INSURANCE. 
 
 A CASE came under the observation of a special some time ago, 
 while in the general office of a company doing business in Cali- 
 fornia, which tends to show the importance of full particulars in 
 making diagrams of risks. 
 
 It seems the local agent of a small country town some years ago sent 
 up an application, stating that as he did not clearly know the rate on the 
 risk, he wished the company to affix the proper rate and send policy. 
 This was done, and policy renewed year after year until the year 1880 
 rolled around, when the agent paid a visit to San Francisco, and while 
 there called at the office of the company and represented that Jones' risk 
 was very hard to retain, as the rate was so high. The application was 
 looked up and showed two buildings situate within ten feet of each 
 other one marked "Jones' dwelling," and the other " Black Smith." In 
 making the rate, the general agent had taken as a basis D class black- 
 smith shop, 3.25 ; exposure, dwelling, .50 ; stove-pipe and cloth-lining, 
 1.25 making tariff rate 5 per cent. 
 
 The local wanted to know if the rate could not be made less, and 
 explained that the building marked "blacksmith" was no blacksmith 
 shop, but was a dwelling occupied by a colored man named Smith, 
 whom he had designated Black Smith on the diagram. 'Tis needless to 
 say the rate was reduced, all parties were satisfied, and the risk retained 
 on the books of the company. S. 
 
 A "WATER CLAUSE" NEEDED. 
 
 EDITOR KNAPSACK Dear Sir: The following letter was received 
 by the secretary of one of our mining companies, and is interesting as 
 showing the broad ground that some writers take of the hazards covered 
 under a fire policy. We can no longer rest in fancied security from loss 
 by floods, but must at once establish a rate for this risk and insert a 
 "water clause" in our policies. The orthography of the letter also 
 indicates that the ' ' spelling reform ' ' has taken possession of the claim- 
 ant: 
 " , Secretary: 
 
 Dear Sir: We are still on top, though the storm for the past few 
 days has been most sevear. My house was flooded on night of 3oth, 
 and carpiets well nigh ruined, otherwise suffered no loss. Suppose we 
 are entitled to damiges from insurance companies. Are we not? I may 
 be able to use carpiets again. Shall have them washed tomorrough and 
 
12 THE KNAPSACK 1881 
 
 see what can be done with them. Those bought in my time cost 
 $121.77. Then thare is another that used to be on sitting room of which 
 I have no bill. Some bedding and blankets were soiled, but not enough 
 to take into account. 
 
 Truly yours, ." 
 
 RAILROADING IN THE FAR NORTH. 
 
 EN the month of September, some six years ago, the writer stood upon 
 a rude wharf at the old fur-trading town on the Upper Columbia, 
 called Wallula. Across an expanse of sand some thirty buildings, 
 comprising this once prosperous town, were to be seen, perhaps a round 
 dozen of which were occupied, while the rest were more or less dilapi- 
 dated and nearly covered up by the drifting sand, which in some instances 
 reached to the second story or roof. 
 
 The immediate object of the scrutiny was to determine which of the 
 inhabited buildings laid claim to being the haven for travelers. The 
 afternoon was, moreover, cold and gloomy enough to cause the few 
 arrivals by the river steamer to seek shelter without delay. The only 
 available place betrayed no sign, but one of the very few residents dis- 
 closed its whereabouts, and it proved to be a combination of general 
 merchandise store, hotel and apothecary's shop as a matter of course 
 presided over by an American. Careful inquiry failed to afford any 
 information as to whether the train would leave for Walla Walla that day 
 or the next. The landlord said no "time table" had been prepared, and 
 frankly admitted that the president of the road and himself were not on 
 good terms, and carefully neglected to tell any one just when a train 
 would start. The captain of the steamer was equally unable to give the 
 information, and finally supper was announced, causing a temporary sus- 
 pension of the questioning. Later on, we gathered around the "inevita- 
 ble" stove and listened with great interest to the many stories about the 
 railroad, furnished by a person who had arrived on the train from Walla 
 Walla the day before time, seven hours ; distance, thirty miles. Until a 
 short time before, he said, the rails in use were made of wood, but iron 
 had been procured and laid ; that the rolling stock was of a very poor 
 character ; and, impeded by sand drifting across the track, the result was 
 that the trip ordinarily consumed more time than would suffice to walk 
 the whole distance. To these was added a story of a dog belonging to 
 the president, which, until an accident had occurred by which its life was 
 lost, used to trot along with the engine and drive cattle off the track. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1881 i 3 
 
 An early rise was the order for the succeeding day, because it was 
 said that the train might come in and return to Walla Walla at any hour; 
 but it proved to be n o'clock before a very diminutive locomotive was 
 espied backing down two small cars toward the wharf. Next, two men 
 came out of a saloon near by with common water pails in each hand and 
 went to the river and began bringing water to the engine. This was 
 poured into the boiler through a hole on top fitted with a lid to screw 
 down. The smile with which the three or four new-comers greeted this 
 operation was only equaled by the non-concern of the old citizens, in 
 whose eyes the proceeding was altogether usual and in order. 
 
 In a short time the conductor announced that the train was ready to 
 start ; so, taking our seats, it moved away. The features of the trip con- 
 sisted of three or four stops at stations, including the taking of more 
 water at least twice, and the frequent halting of the train until the train 
 hands should shovel sand from the track. We finally arrived at Walla 
 Walla in four and a half hours, and believed the assurances that the 
 trip had been a quick one for that road. The object of the journey hav- 
 ing been attained, arrangements were made to return by "fast freight " 
 to Wallula early upon the following day. Before leaving, however, the 
 president inquired for and having found that a San Francisco insurance 
 man was in town, he applied at once for insurance on freight carried by 
 his road and which might possibly be destroyed or damaged by fire from 
 the engines ; which, although they had no spark catchers, he said, were 
 perfectly safe, owning up, however, to several fires. Promising a speedy 
 reply from Portland, the return was commenced. The conductor kindly 
 consented to throw a bench across the floor of an ordinary close freight 
 car partly filled with freight, leaving the side-doors open. This proved to 
 be quite desirable, and enabled one to look (until tired) at the waste of 
 sand, relieved here and there by scanty vegetation and fences. 
 
 After some time had passed, I became conscious of the presence of 
 an unusual degree of heat, and, casually looking around, was much sur- 
 prised to see the end of the car on fire and the freight in a fine blaze. 
 How to attract attention was a question, and to add to the dangers of 
 the situation, the train was on a down grade, and for once it was going 
 altogether too fast to admit of a jump. Anxiously looking from the side 
 in hopes that the engineer's attention could be gained, a water station 
 appeared in the distance, arid the surmise was rightly made that the 
 train would come to a stop and the writer be released. The stop was 
 made and the fire immediately attacked with water from the tank. 
 After this the train went on and finally reached Wallula late in the 
 afternoon with at least one thankful passenger. 
 
 It is hardly necessary to add that the president was never troubled 
 with a reply to his insurance proposition. X-ELL. 
 
14 THE KNAPSACK 1881 
 
 THE following clipping may have been read by many of you, but is 
 good enough, as an evidence of the average insurer's idea, to read to 
 you now : 
 
 INSURANCE AGAINST NEIGHBORS. 
 
 HUMAN nature is the same the world over, as the following 
 incident will help to show. A local insurance agent called on 
 two of his customers whose premises adjoin, for a renewal of 
 their policies. The first one is a grocer. The agent said to him : 
 
 " I suppose, Mr. , that you will renew your policy, which expires 
 
 next week? I have called to see about it." 
 
 "Well, I suppose I'll have to," said the grocer. "As far as I am 
 concerned, there is no need whatever that I should insure. I am here 
 all day to look after things, and there ain't a bit of danger of fire from 
 my place. But there is no telling what that fellow next door may do, 
 and as long as he is there I've got to keep insured." 
 
 The agent called on the customer next door, who is a baker. He 
 could not help reasoning that if the danger in that establishment was so 
 great there was a possibility of having the amount of his policy doubled, 
 at least. 
 
 He told the baker why he called, and hinted that there might be a 
 probability of a desire to increase the policy. 
 
 "No," said the baker, scratching his head thoughtfully, "I don't 
 believe I'll add any to it. I wouldn't insure at all if I wasn't where I 
 am. You see, I'm up all night baking, and can watch things, so there's 
 no danger here ; but there's no telling what that chap next door will be 
 up to. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't insure a cent ; but as it is, I've got 
 to do it." Ins. World. 
 
 CONSOLATION. 
 
 'Twill be a great comfort to many to know, 
 Insurance adjusters to heaven must go ; 
 For if a just man is bound to get there, 
 Most surely adjuster no worse will fare. 
 Besides, I am told, it chanced one day, 
 An insurance adjuster to hades did stray, 
 (The chances are, 'twas the fervent prayer 
 Of a policyholder sent him there), 
 And at once aroused the devil's ire 
 By investigating the cause of fire. 
 He annoyed him so, old Satan swore 
 Insurance adjusters should come there no more. 
 
 D. M. B. 
 
7 HE KNAPSACK 1881 75 
 
 THE following is from the same pen that gave us the excellent article 
 on " Shadows " last year : 
 
 SUNSHINE IN THE BUSINESS. 
 
 HOW BLESSINGS brighten as they take their flight; how the 
 scenes and incidents of ten years ago stand out a pleasing con- 
 trast to the toilsome present. I remember a special trip from 
 Oregon to California in that happy past. Roseburg was the starting 
 point. Roseburg ! dreaming in the lap of a luxurious valley surrounded 
 by brave hills. 
 
 At the time of which I write, it was Bohemia. To know one of the 
 boys was to be welcomed on every hand. There was Van and Asher 
 and Mac, the Colonel, the Senator and the Judge. The freedom of the 
 city was extended and accepted with more of hospitality and less of cere- 
 mony than in London, for example. 
 
 The Senator was sole agent there and monopolized everything from 
 dwelling to brewery. The stage for Redding left in the morning, but 
 there was a night before that morning, all owing to a song, a simple 
 camp meeting song. No sooner did its notes strike the Colonel's ear 
 than he was aroused. As a circus band rouses the neglected charger, 
 so roused it him, this song, that Colonel. From away down South in 
 the land of cotton came a host of memories, bright days of his boyhood, 
 long forgotten in the race for wealth. Tears welled to his eyes, while 
 his smooth-shaved lip quivered the pleasure he felt. 
 
 We went from one friend to another, gathering a chorus in our wake ; 
 the Colonel led the choir, and we sang this song until circumstances 
 made it advisable to pull off the Colonel's boots and put him to bed. 
 We left town at 6 in the morning. To be hurried from bed at candle- 
 light, to scour the town for a mislaid overcoat with a lantern ; to bolt a 
 useless meal, is neither impressive or inspiring, but a dozen outstretched 
 hands, a dozen voices saying good-bye, friendly packages that open with 
 a pop and shut with a gurgle, these are the charms of Roseburg. Where 
 else in the world do people get out of bed on a cold day in the dark to 
 say good-bye? The stage agent, known familiarly as "Van" most of 
 the time, is now loading the coach, solemn and unapproachable as a chief 
 engineer at a fire ; trunks go on the hind boot, mail sacks and treasure 
 box in front, small traps under the seats, over them the passengers. 
 
 I have the seat of honor, beside the driver; the man at the right of 
 the off wheeler buckles in the trace, the man at the head of the leader 
 springs aside, crack goes the whip, six horses plunge madly forward, the 
 brake scrapes a moment, and we are off. In the coach is a man who 
 
16 THE KNAPSACK 1881 
 
 telegraphed from Portland for an inside back seat ; he wears a silk hat. 
 He confided to "Van " a desire to quicken the usual schedule time by a 
 day or two ; he told the driver at the first watering place of a bet to beat 
 the time of a friend gone down by steamer. Do I need to tell a special 
 agent that a back seat is the worst in the coach ? That a silk hat in 
 traveling is an impossibility ? No more than I need add that this man 
 was a salesman from the East. He became a nuisance, he and his hat, 
 and his friend, and his business. At the first piece of "corduroy" we 
 came to, the driver gave us a hint to hold on and then let out his team. 
 Such a shaking up I never experienced. We held on and howled; above 
 the din I could hear the voice of the salesman, first loud, then fainter. 
 When we stopped, which was at a station, he crawled out ; his back was 
 bent, the crown of that hat had disappeared, the rim was around his 
 neck; he had not held on ; he was a wreck. In reply to threats and im- 
 precations the driver said: "So! that's all the thanks I get for trying to 
 help a man. You want to get to 'Frisco, don't you? want to beat your 
 friend? Well, I drove fast on purpose to help you out, and now you 
 growl; want to be an angel, don't you?" The salesman laid over, and 
 his friend reached San Francisco seven days ahead. 
 
 After stopping at Jacksonville over one trip I was uneasy about my 
 seat on the incoming coach. "Jerry," the driver, was a character in his 
 way, besides being a perfect encyclopedia of slang phrases. In due time 
 she hove in sight with Jerry at the lines, and alongside him a moon-faced 
 traveler with helmet hat and spread umbrella. There was a quick and 
 expressive interchange of glances between Jerry and me, though not a 
 word was spoken. "Go up to the barn," he said later, "and get on the 
 box seat when the hostler brings her down." I sat there unconcerned 
 while Jerry had a pow-wow with the others; there seemed to be con- 
 siderable excitement, with violent gesticulation, and Jerry rattled a long 
 iron chain which he held in his hand ; he got them all inside at last, and 
 and after riding a few minutes in silence, he said: "So you're a maniac, 
 are yer a raving maniac, escaped from your keeper, did yer? Don't 
 you try no crazy tricks on me, sabe? Cos I'll just chain yer down to the 
 boot, I will ; that's about what I'll do. Oh you're a nice lunatic, you are, 
 with a bad eye ; chawed up six men already, you have. Why don't yer 
 give us a Stockton yell? Let out a Napa file-scraper, will yer?" 
 
 And he chuckled and ogled me, and turned red in the face, and 
 rolled himself about, until I expected to see him go over the dash-board 
 head first. 
 
 "What in the world are you driving at?" I asked. 
 
 "Oh, he never tumbles!" said Jerry. "He don't drop can't see it 
 yet, eh? Never traveled much, did yer? Ain't no insurance drummer, 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1881 77 
 
 be yer? only a minister, perhaps a Sunday-school teacher, likely. Ain't 
 up to the ways of a wicked world. He's a little lammie has to have his 
 eyelids tucked back to see anything, he has. Oh, oh, oh ! " 
 
 "Jerry," said I, "if you don't stop this infernal nonsense, you won't 
 get a cigar the whole drive." 
 
 "Mean to say you didn't hear the racket I gave 'em?" he said, in an 
 altered tone. "Why, Lord love you, thought you took it in as it went 
 along. I told 'em you was escaped from an asylum mad as a March 
 hare ; I wouldn't trust yer inside for fear yer might tear 'em all to pieces. 
 Got it now? See it? Good, ain't it? Now give us a yell a regular 
 blood-curdler. That's right keep it up send it into 'em! Oh, oh, 
 oh!" 
 
 All day, at change stations and watering-places, those deluded in- 
 siders consulted with Jerry in whispers about my case. Jerry was fertile 
 in resources too fertile, for he mixed his stories up in such a fashion 
 that it dawned on them at last, and we made peace at Cole's Station, 
 where we took supper and parted with Jerry. 
 
 The home drive was made with Charlie McConnell, whose skill at 
 the lines is only equaled by his gallantry and elegant manners to lady 
 passengers. One of the fair sex was beside him ; but his love for a good 
 cigar overcame other obstacles, and he made room for me also. After a 
 while the lady observed a little white post by the roadside with a large 
 figure 2 painted on it. 
 
 "What is the meaning of that?" she asked. 
 
 Charlie shot a glance over to me, and solemnly replied : 
 
 " Madam, that is a grave. Two people are buried there. On a dark 
 night the stage upset. Two people strangers were killed. The driver 
 escaped as by a miracle. We buried them there, and erected this simple 
 shaft to mark the spot." 
 
 "Dear, dear!" she said, "how sad!" 
 
 After a while she said : 
 
 "Why, there is another head-board with 5 on it." 
 
 "Yes, madam the result of another accident. Here in this lonely 
 spot lies all that is mortal of five persons all strangers who met their 
 fate by being thrown over this cliff on a winter day. The driver escaped 
 as by a miracle. We read the funeral service over them and buried them 
 together, erecting this simple shaft to mark the spot." 
 
 "This is too horrible ! Do accidents often happen?" she asked. 
 
 "They do they do, alas, too frequently," said Charlie. 
 
 Some hours later our lady passenger gave a scream, and started 
 from her seat. 
 
1 8 THE KNAPSACK 1881 
 
 "Mr. Driver," she said, "There is a grave-post with 13 painted on 
 it!" 
 
 Charlie's tone of solemnity was sublime. "My dear madam, I am so 
 sorry. That was indeed a frightful affair. Coach and horses, passengers 
 and driver, went down this precipice with one grand crash. I was spared 
 as by a miracle caught on the projecting ,limb of a tree. Hours after, 
 when I reached the wreck, all were dead but one, and I finished him off 
 with a kingbolt. It was hard to do, but these survivors always sue the 
 company for damages, and I am simply working for my employer's in- 
 terest. Madam, we read the funeral service over them, and buried them 
 together, erecting this simple shaft to mark the spot." 
 
 "Driver," she said, "I do not wish to discredit any statement you 
 may make, or to appear to doubt your word, but I must say this other- 
 wise agonizing narrative seems to me like a fairy story." 
 
 "Madam," said Charlie, "you have guessed it. I really must 
 apologize for the kingbolt ; otherwise I think it is a shame to spoil a good 
 story." 
 
 And so this jolly ride had an end, like all else in life ; the stage-load 
 became diluted in the larger accommodation train, and we drifted into 
 the big stream of humanity rushing to "the bay." G. 
 
 WHERE WAS THE DEACON? 
 
 IT was at Sacramento, last year, during the "session," time mid- 
 night, when two of the boys parted thus: Said one, "Good-night, old 
 man I leave you here. Have to sit up with a sick friend. By the way, 
 do me the favor, as you pass my room on your way to bed, to step 
 in and disarrange it ; turn down the clothes and rumple the pillows. My 
 door is never locked, and when the others look in at breakfast time they 
 will see that I am off. Understand?" 
 
 "All right," said No. 2. 
 
 They met at noon. In reply to vigorous upbraiding, No. 2 said: " I 
 did disarrange your room, put water in the basin, rumpled the towels, 
 tore the bed to pieces why room 17 looked as if there had been a 
 fight!" 
 
 "Seventeen? Good gracious, that's wrong! That's the Deacon's 
 room!" 
 
 "The dickens it is ! Then, where was the deacon?" 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1881 i 9 
 
 HAVERSACK PHILOSOPHY CRUSTY HARD-TACK. 
 
 Mr. Editor: Nutritive and brilliant extravaganza in your spicy 
 department is always enjoyable and appreciated, and this fact warrants 
 the relegation of these meagre and crusty rations to the knapsack's 
 accompaniment as anticipated by the title of our contribution. It need 
 not be inferred that we are starting out on any well-defined long march, 
 and that our haversack is replete with dry "crumbs of comfort" on the 
 contrary, ours is a foraging expedition ! We may camp in dangerous 
 fields, and tramp on the corns of friend and foe alike in these chosen 
 philosophical meanderings brief, because obliged to be, but nevertheless 
 realizing that the practical teachings of the association admit the broadest 
 toleration of individual opinions, and steadily ameliorates all prejudices 
 incident to the denominational or varied interests of fire underwriting. A 
 little healthful, plain talk, therefore, in an Association where there is no 
 distinctive line drawn as separating local, Eastern or foreign, Board or 
 non-Board, experienced or inexperienced, may tend to strengthen and 
 sustain a common brotherhood of underwriters in their efforts to elevate 
 our business, not only by discussing fresh topics, but by putting older 
 ideas into fresh and practicable shape. Therefore, 
 
 ist. It is most obvious that members, one and all, should take a 
 deeper interest in and participate in all regular meetings; instead of 
 shirking ', take rank among the workers ; produce something, and not, 
 like a sponge, absorb all that conies along, waiting to be squeezed into 
 reciprocity. 
 
 2d. Life is too short for men in this great business of ours to 
 attempt the remodeling of characters we find in it. Active-minded idlers 
 are even worse, and certainly more dangerous, than the throng of 
 microscopic busy-bodies who magnify trifles, but are incompetent to 
 grasp greater ones. All these characters add a zest, and amount to a 
 necessity, towards perfecting our underwriting drama ; otherwise it would 
 drift into a monotonous and enervating comedy a kind of goody-goody 
 humdrum, without progress or enterprise. 
 
 3d. We may sermonize, declaim, exhort, harangue, and lecture, but 
 the members of the Pacific Association must give results the motive 
 power if the fraternity is to feel the benefits of such Association ; 
 quarterly outbursts of courtesy and annual assentation to creed-bound 
 practices amount to naught unless carried into everyday life and honor- 
 ably adhered to, because appropriate, becoming and comfortable. 
 
 4th. It is a lamentable fact that adjusters on the Pacific Coast are 
 becoming gradually extinct, and their places supplied by a class at 
 
20 THE KNAPSACK 1881 
 
 present without epithetic distinction, unless we introduce them here as 
 "settlers." The over- anxiety of the companies themselves to pay losses, 
 and the thin-skinned make-up of executives, are the responsible causes 
 for the extinction of the former and the epidemic of the latter. 
 
 5th. Legislative prodding creates too much noise, fuss and cackling 
 among underwriters. If this exhibition and characteristic virtue of insur- 
 ance men could be spread out, and some attention given by them to 
 politics from the primaries to election day, their power and influence 
 could be so deployed as to economize all these periodical anxieties and 
 wastes of time, chin-music and bullion. 
 
 Lastly, fully equaling a military campaign in discomforts, inconven- 
 iences and hardships, is the continuous life of the faithful, plodding 
 special agent and adjuster, and with just about the same consequences ; 
 if successful, the generals in command secure the credit ; if defeated and 
 routed, we must then be prepared to selfishly shoulder the blame without 
 any division whatever. There are several sides to this picture at variance 
 with the above, as every special present verily believes. 
 
 We have now finished our tramp. If results shall be fruitful of the 
 good intended, then our reward is ample and sufficient. In the meantime 
 permit us to subscribe ourselves merely a 
 
 MALICIOUS SKIRMISHER. 
 
 EDITOR Knapsack, Dear Sir: Your valued reminder of the ist 
 inst. is just received, and I am sorry found me not like the wise virgins 
 for no manuscript i was ready or even thought of, and only to give you 
 "copy" do I presume to take your valuable time. As you want "broad 
 gauge," I give it to you, entitled 
 
 "THE BASE LINE." 
 
 Some years ago an adjuster for one of our Eastern companies was 
 sent to Humboldt county to settle a loss on a livery-stable building, 
 
 owned by the well-known stage man, Tom S . The claimant and 
 
 adjuster arriving at the scene of the conflagration too late in the evening 
 to do anything, it was agreed to meet at 7 o'clock the following morning 
 for work. Promptly at seven, both parties were on the ground The 
 measure of the building was "taped off"; sizes of sills, posts, plates, 
 joist, rafters and other necessary memoranda made: whereupon the 
 claimant was asked if he knew of a reliable builder in town who was well 
 up in estimating on buildings and contracting for work of that kind. He 
 said that there was a first-class man who thoroughly understood the case, 
 and he soon had him at the place. On propounding the question, the 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1881 21 
 
 adjuster was convinced by the emphatic and confident answer of the 
 builder that he was the man looked for, and opportunity only was lacking 
 to launch upon the world the result of a well-stored mind. The ground 
 plan was again taped, the sizes of timbers and general construction of the 
 stable gone over, and then the builder was ready to go to his office and 
 Jigger. 
 
 When asked how soon he would return with his estimate, he 
 said in a couple of hours. It being then nearly 8 o'clock, and as he 
 wanted to do his work undisturbed, this gave the adjuster plenty of time 
 to fill out his proofs (except the amounts) and also to look around town. 
 Having rained for a number of days previous, the country was not in a 
 favorable condition for extensive pedestrian exercise, so ample oppor- 
 tunity was afforded to watch the clock. Ten o'clock soon came, but no 
 builder; then eleven and twelve. Dinner here came to the rescue and 
 was quickly disposed of, and then the wonder was, why does that man 
 delay so much? One o'clock, two, and at three o'clock, with patience 
 well nigh exhausted, the adjuster proceeded to the office to interview the 
 builder. 
 
 On arriving in front of a small one-story frame dwelling, situate a 
 little back from the road, the builder was seen in his shirt-sleeves, stand- 
 ing with a table before him. Shortly he began walking back and forth ; 
 then he would stop and look at something on the table, and take a 
 pencil he had in his mouth and point at the something on the table ; then 
 he would resume his walk, only to stop again and look at the table. 
 How long this had been kept up, is hard to say, but it is fair to presume 
 for nearly all day. Finally the adjuster opened the gate and walked up 
 to the house, knocked and was invited to enter. On going into the room 
 his curiosity was excited to see what was on the table which had inter- 
 ested the occupant so greatly. Imagine the surprise when it turned out 
 to be only a large piece of brown paper spread over the table, a steel 
 square and a straight line drawn on the paper. Desirous of knowing 
 how the builder was progressing, the adjuster asked him how he was 
 getting along, and was rewarded with the encouraging reply, "Splend- 
 idly; I've got the base line drawn ;" at the same time pointing to the 
 straight line on the paper in a sort of triumphant way. 
 
 Mr. Editor, I will assure you it was extremely difficult to refrain from 
 smiling audibly. Not wishing, however, to wound the feelings of the 
 party, the adjuster proceeded to give the builder the benefit of his 
 figures, and in an hour the estimate was made and written out by the 
 adjuster. When asked for his bill, the builder and contractor said it was 
 $10. To this a demurrer was made, the adjuster wanting to know what 
 
22 THE KNAPSACK 1881 
 
 his regular charge was for a day's work. Was informed that it was $3.50, 
 but he thought his superior knowledge as a builder should entitle him to 
 the full amount. He reluctantly took $5, and no doubt often wishes for 
 opportunities to earn a V so easily. 
 
 Yours, etc., S. 
 
 A LITTLE TALK TO SPECIAL AGENTS. 
 
 WHEN one attempts to talk on a subject of common interest touch- 
 ing our business, there are so many heads of subjects springing 
 up that bewilderment follows. There is so much to say, so 
 much that ought to be said in clear, ringing tones, which would find their 
 way to each one, and wake him up. It is common for our members to 
 tell the wrongs we know of and do not mend it is so common that if it 
 were not told we would wonder. Yet here we meet each year, and, 
 having read the lesson, go our way, quickened, but unheeding. Why is 
 this? Do we not take pride in the fact that our business draws its rank 
 and file from the best stock in the land? Is not society, art, literature, 
 strengthened by the workers in our profession? Let me confine myself 
 to one suggestion : The simple fact is here there is no good faith 
 among us. East, West, North and South, the same charge is made no 
 good faith. 
 
 I fear me it is true. It springs from cowardice, nothing less moral 
 cowardice. The will power which carries us through danger and trial in 
 all else falters and is weak in this. My friends, let us mend it ; let us talk 
 less and do more ; let us make a start let the year 1881 mark this step, 
 viz : Having each in his own mind fixed the way to bring good faith into 
 the business, follow it, stick to it. 
 
 You are the managers of the future before long you will guide and 
 teach others. Teach correct practice; observe it that you may teach. 
 Whatever the condition of things, keep faith. Do not agree to a com- 
 pact until you are ready ; if you promise, keep it ; when your are ready 
 to break the compact, let it be known ; release yourself openly. 
 
 Let us think less of our neighbors' business. Each one of us is a 
 neighbor each one can take heed for himself. In all the town, is there 
 another business worked by men gentlemen where a mere rumor of 
 bad faith does such harm? 
 
 Is it because of the willing ear? Already this Association has done 
 much so much that the special agent is on terms of cordial friendship 
 with his brother special ; so much that strife, and sarcasm, and ill feeling 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1881 2) 
 
 has melted away, and a spirit of unity is found in its place. What is 
 possible in the adjustment of losses is possible in the field and in the 
 office. Let the past go ; work faithfully for the present ; the future will 
 be here soon enough too soon for all. 
 
 COMMISSIONS. 
 
 [Written for the Knapsack.} 
 
 The morning mists were fading fast, 
 As through a mountain village passed 
 A traveling agent, early bird, 
 Who uttered low the magic word 
 
 "Commissions." 
 
 His form was bent, his haggard face 
 Showed traces of an ancient race, 
 While ever as he strode along, 
 He muttered in a well-known tongue, 
 "Commissions." 
 
 Touch not that mill, the "local" said, 
 The ' ' lead " is " petered out ' ' and ' ' dead ' ' ; 
 The moral risk is something "snide " ; 
 But still that anxious voice replied, 
 
 "Commissions." 
 
 Oh, stay ! the Piute maiden said, 
 And rest awhile your weary head ; 
 A wink lurked in his dexter eye, 
 But still he whispered with a sigh, 
 
 "Commissions." 
 
 At midnight hour as homeward sped 
 Two jolly miners to their bed, 
 Bright flames leaped forth with lurid glare, 
 Reflecting through the murky air, 
 
 "Commissions." 
 
 Morn on the ashes warm and gray, 
 Disclosed the traveler miles away ; 
 While from the "local" standing near, 
 A voice came with a hearty cheer, 
 
 "Commissions!" 
 
 BUZITE 
 
24 THE KNAPSACK 1881 
 
 A MOTTO FOR AN INSURANCE MAN. 
 
 My friends, we have met in our own social way, 
 
 Where all may be happy, you know ; 
 But whilst music and wine make us gladsome and gay, 
 
 We'll think of the duties we owe 
 We'll drink to the Mends who have ever been kind, 
 
 Who will stand by us all when they can, 
 Advice in my song J T OU will certainly find, 
 
 And a motto for an insurance man. 
 
 CHORUS So we'e will sing and banish melancholy ; 
 
 Troubles may come, we'll do the best we can 
 To drive dull care away, for grieving is a folly, 
 Put your shoulder to the wheel 
 Is a motto for an insurance man. 
 
 In our business pursuits, when troubles arise, 
 
 Our principle is to adjust 
 To act on the square is prudent and wise, 
 
 Each brother in business to trust : 
 The merits of each we rate at the best, 
 
 Their exposure we gladly hide. 
 Nor seek for a fault in the East or the West, 
 
 In faith with each brother abide. 
 
 Nor can we forget our adjusters and specials, 
 
 Their trips and their troubles are legion ; 
 We have seen not a few hang on to a trestle, 
 
 Or the limb of a tree grimly freeze on. 
 On the road they are known as the stage-drivers' friend ; 
 
 Oft times they have carried the stage 
 Their grit and their shoulders, if ever they bend, 
 
 'Tis sorrow and care to assuage. 
 
 We know what hard fare and rough tack they must take 
 
 When traveling a loss to report. 
 To-day, chills and ague ; to-morrow, an ache ; 
 
 On duty each hardship they court; 
 They'll fight to the death for justice and right, 
 
 Nor do they forget the assured ; 
 Their duty they do making sad hearts light, 
 
 When fair play is fairly secured. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1881 
 
 We drink to the health of our chieftains all, 
 
 For jolly good fellows are they ; 
 Though fat and at ease they answer each call, 
 
 And their losses with promptness pay ; 
 We'll drink to our aids and our brokers too ; 
 
 No small share of the work is theirs 
 Though some time proposed to cut rates 'tis true, 
 
 But we all have our troubles and cares. 
 
 And whilst we are glad and our wine cups are full 
 
 Let us drink to our home offices too ; 
 They are men we esteem, and never will pull 
 
 A man who his duty will do. 
 They have stood by us all when calamity came 
 
 And strengthened us every one ; 
 And when our slight faults they have honestly blamed, 
 
 'Twas kindly and gently done. 
 
 And now, old friends, let us drink to ourselves, 
 
 Our homes and our household gods, 
 To our wives and our sweethearts, the dear little ones, 
 
 Against the world we give them the odds. 
 Whilst we gladden their hearts we gladden the world ; 
 
 For gladness is catching, you know ; 
 So up with your glasses love's banner unfurled, 
 
 We'll drink to them all ere we go. 
 
 W. J. CALLINGHAM. 
 
 And now, comrades, having opened the Knapsack for your inspec- 
 tion, and showed you the good things in the Haversack, we will husband 
 what further ammunition we have, and take a pull together at the old 
 canteen when we meet around the festive board to-morrow evening, 
 where neither rebates nor "commissions" will trouble us; and, trusting 
 the "consolation" we'll draw from the occasion will long be remembered, 
 I beg to roll my blankets, buckle my knapsack, and "close up" gen- 
 erally. C. MASON KINNE, Editor. 
 
26 THE KNAPSACK 1882 
 
 CALIFORNIA KNAPSACK. 
 
 VOL i. No. 3. 
 
 C. MASON KINNE, Manager. GEO. F. GRANT, Associate. 
 
 The following circular was dispatched to each member of the Asso- 
 ciation : 
 
 EDITORIAL ROOMS, 422 CALIFORNIA ST., \ 
 San Francisco, Jan. 28, 1882. / 
 MR. 
 
 Dear Sir: Once more the demand for "copy" goes out to our 
 patrons, and as an inducement for the brightest scintillation of wit and 
 sparkle of talent, the associate editor has provided a valuable testimonial, 
 which he offers as a prize for the best article which may grace our columns. 
 
 There is also an admonition with our demand this year to the effect 
 that some of the latent talent, which as yet has not unearthed itself, must 
 come to the front or there will be a court martial of two or three that we 
 have our managerial eye upon. 
 
 Between the above intimation of reward and punishment there is a 
 broad highway of peace and happiness leading down to our editorial 
 sanctum, which you should travel with steps of pride, and it must be a 
 cold day when you cannot provide something in the way of anecdote, 
 personal reminiscence, or views on various insurance points. 
 
 All manuscripts to be handed in not later than Feb. 15, 1882. 
 Fraternally, 
 
 C. MASON KINNE, Manager. 
 
 TO OUR PATRONS. 
 
 Another year has rolled around, adding more gray hairs and 
 wrinkles to the heads and features of all of us, but the bright smiles and 
 warm hearts are as youthful as ever. 
 
 As to the specials and adjusters, of course, we ought not to grow old. 
 With good salaries, nothing to do but travel about in the palace car, dine 
 at the best hotels and amuse ourselves for an hour or two in some 
 pleasant village talking to our agent, or pleasing our claimant by paying 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1882 27 
 
 him all he asks, is certainly not very wearing work, from the average 
 manager's stand-point. 
 
 But at all events we are here to-day, forgetful of expense account, of 
 stage coach and buckboard, of dust and rain, of hash and hasheries, of 
 dead towns and lying claimants. We are not worrying over ambiguous 
 contracts, non-concurrent policies or excessive profits sweeping a just 
 salvage out of sight, but looking into each other's faces, bearing such an 
 imprint of honest devotion to strict business principles as preclude the 
 thought that you would go for each other's best agent to-morrow, if you 
 got a chance. For one day at least we are brothers in the true sense of 
 fraternal business relations and can let each other see the better and more 
 unselfish side of our natures. 
 
 But as the meat of these meetings is expected to be found in the 
 reports of committees and addresses of members, it is only the purpose 
 of the Knapsack to give it a flavor, add a certain amount of pleasing 
 aroma to the solids and an enticing bouquet to the fluids. 
 
 Speaking of things gastronomically, reminds us that our associate 
 editor will have to see that the Knapsack is properly supplied with rations 
 at the contemplated raid on the commissary, as stem duty calls the 
 manager in another direction. We are sorry for this, for even insurance 
 men appreciate the necessity of well-appointed kitchens, and, with the 
 rest of mankind, believe that Owen Meredith is right in saying: 
 
 "We may live without poetry, music and art; 
 We may live without conscience, and live without heart; 
 We may live without friends ; we may live without books ; 
 But civilized man cannot live without cooks. 
 He may live without books what is knowledge but grieving ? 
 He may live without hope what is hope but deceiving? 
 He may live without love what is passion but pining? 
 But where is the man that can live without dining?" 
 
 C. MASON KINNE, Editor. 
 
 ABOUT BRINGING GOOD INTO THE BUSINESS. 
 
 If experience teaches anything, it teaches us that a mighty change 
 is taking place in our business. Observe the insurance literature of 
 to-day. It is plain, pithy and free to all. Printed instructions now 
 mean just what is said, whereas in those elder days the bewildered 
 student construed ambiguous sentences which intimated more than they 
 expressed and gave wide margin for varied opinion. The agent of to-day 
 
28 THE KNAPSACK 1882 
 
 is made. Instances have ceased of adjusters springing full-fledged into 
 the field and gaining laurels off-hand without the drill of preparation. 
 The leader of the future is grinding at his desk, giving ten good hours of 
 conscientious work for a consideration. There is a change in the hazard 
 created by new machinery, new appliances, experiment and invention. 
 This changes the rate and alters the nature of exposures. The tone of 
 the business is changed ; it has gained dignity and importance. In our 
 intercourse, one with the other, there is no longer the "mental reserva- 
 tion" a promise of to-day has a value on the street. I do not claim this 
 as a moral reform. Said Hamlet to the Queen, "Assume a virtue if you 
 have it not." There is a change. On the bench, and in the jury-box, 
 cases are not lacking where the verdict rendered in accordance with law 
 and evidence is in favor of the defendant. Authorities are multiplying 
 from decisions in various courts which have felt constrained to mete out 
 even-handed justice and defeat the schemes of evil-minded ones whose 
 claim is based on false representation. These changes suggest this 
 lesson : keep abreast of the time in which we live ; keep step with the 
 march of progress. It will bring good into the business. 
 
 There are endless questions concerning a variety of topics which 
 rise to the lips and get no farther. Ask plenty of questions, but apply to 
 the right source. The freshman is timid and has good fear of being set 
 back by his elders. The sophomore is big with importance and chaff 
 above criticism, yet ever sensitive. The junior is your true mentor, for 
 he is mellow with study, patient, having sympathy for a plodding brother. 
 The senior (take heed least you forget that he is the senior ! ) his knowl- 
 edge is for himself and his livelihood ; yet in a community no larger than 
 our own it should be no difficult matter to get below the surface even of 
 one having authority and gain information of a general nature. As I look 
 through the list, I find those who stand best in the good opinion of the 
 profession are not miserly of their thoughts. Thoughts ! it is a great 
 gift, thinking. Few of us get farther in it than to think we think ; for, to 
 be a legitimate thinker, is to be one picked out of a thousand. All but 
 idiots have minds that reflect, like a more or less perfect mirror, what 
 they see, read or hear ; to the few is given the power to invent by mental 
 process, to analyze criticism. Next to thinking, and as an aid to thought, 
 questions come naturally and spontaneously. Questions provoke discus- 
 sion, and discussion fixes ideas. If you are pertinently in earnest in your 
 business, you will find other earnest men ready to meet you on fair 
 ground. 
 
 It is the latest popular custom at meetings of this kind to comment 
 on the faithful, hard-working "Local," to weave for his brow a chaplet, 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1882 29 
 
 to portray his virtues even to the border of sentiment. He is deserving 
 of it all, and more. I have thought of him, and wish to offer a suggestion 
 for the consideration of this meeting. It is only a suggestion, for it is out 
 of the common routine and wide open to criticism. My plan is to collect 
 together at a convenient time and place the local agents of the Coast in 
 convention, for the purpose of mutual exchange of ideas, and mutual 
 benefit, all for the advancement of insurance and to bring good into the 
 
 business. 
 
 GEO. F. GRANT, 
 
 Associate Editor. 
 
 And now, gentlemen, we'll thrust our hand deeper into the recesses 
 of our pack, and see what we shall bring forth of the good things stored 
 away. 
 
 CIRCUMSTANCES ALTER CASES. 
 
 SCENE, a large clothing store. Proprietor, Mr. Moses, behind 
 counter. Enter to him a gent with a book under his arm. 
 
 Moses (aside) Ah ! here gomes that damned assessor ; I'll fix him ! 
 (To gent) Goot mornin, my frent. How you vos dis fine day? 
 
 Gent Oh, very well, thank you. You have a fine, large store here. 
 Big stock of goods, too. Now, I wonder what amount of stock you 
 must keep on hand to fill so large a building ? 
 
 Moses My frent, not so much as you dinks. You see dimes is hard 
 and trade is very pad. I joost sell noting at all, so help me, Gott. But 
 von must make a goot show, you know, so you see dese goats, dese 
 pants, dese vests (handling them), all sheep goots ; not much money in 
 dem. All spread out zo as to make goot show, but not much vort. 
 Times never vas zo pad ; I never sells noting. Yesterday von dam Irish- 
 man gome in and he says to me, Moses, vot you ask for dem goats? I 
 show him mein goats and pants and vests one kind, anoder kind, every 
 kind but he shtay here one half hour, never say one word while I try all 
 I knows to sell him a goat or someding. Bymeby he says, "Veil, Moses, 
 times is bad and goots is low, I vant one goat. Sho you just gome mit 
 me to der saloon across der shtreet and treat me to von brandy smash, 
 and I makes you an offer for de goat." And ven I go and dreat him vat 
 does de dam rascal do? He just wipe his mouth on der sleeve so, and he 
 valk right away, and never make me no offer at all ! And dats der only 
 customer vot gomes in dese dree days. 
 
 Gent Well, I'd just like to know about how much coin it takes to 
 stock such a store. Say, how much, Moses? Perhaps I'd like to go into 
 the business myself. 
 
30 THE KNAPSACK 1882 
 
 Moses Veil, mine frent, I am an honest man, and I tell you the 
 truth, so help me, Gott ! Dere is just nine hundred and forty dollars in 
 de shtore ! 
 
 Gent Nine hundred and forty dollars ! Why, man, what are you talk- 
 ing about? Why, it is only six weeks ago you 'told me you had thirty 
 thousand dollars' worth, and do you forget I am the broker who insured 
 you for twenty thousand ? 
 
 Moses Oh, you bees de insurance man ! Veil, I vos one d n fool 
 not to know you again ! I taut you vas dat d d assessor, and you know 
 dose fellows just rob a pusiness man rob him rob him all de time. So 
 I fix up de goots for de assessor, you see. But you bees de insurance 
 man ! Gome, I show you dat I am an honest man. You knows I been 
 insured mit dose gompanies five year, and I vas burnt out only dree 
 times. You know I am an honest man. Gome ! (Takes the gent down 
 stairs.) Dere, you see all dem goots, I takes no advantage of the insur- 
 ance ! Dere, my friend, I gif you my word dere is dirty tousand tollars' 
 vort of goots, and you insure me only dwenty tousand, you know. Mein 
 Gott, vat a fool I vas to take you for dat d d assessor ! 
 
 Gent (taking out his book) All right, Moses ; I assess you for thirty 
 thousand dollars. 
 
 Moses Vat you say? You bees the assessor and de insurance man, 
 too ? Mein Gott, for what you not tell me you change your peesiness ? 
 
 So help me You bees one d d rascal to sheet an honest man like 
 
 dat? Vot for you play such d d tricks to rob a poor man. D n ! ! 
 
 Gent Good morning, Mr. Moses. Next time be sure of your man 
 before you show your hand. Remember, it's a bad rule that won't work 
 both ways. [Exit.] 
 
 WATER PRIVILEGES. 
 
 IT is said, once upon a time, that our good friend who now leads a 
 lion about by the mane, waiting for the sexton's bell to ring him to his 
 meal off the agents scooped in from the field, did, in his first trip for and 
 under the tuition of the "general," proceed to Truckee, and soon there- 
 after forward to the said "general" agent an application for insurance 
 that he had worked into shape, and which included, among other items, 
 certain amounts on a Turbine water-wheel, and also on the dam. 
 
 All was satisfactory from the company's stand-point for some two or 
 three years, when the assured began to think that to pay the premium for 
 insurance on a pile of logs with twenty feet of water behind and running 
 over it, was not profitable to him and so cut it out of the next renewal. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1882 
 
 The dam is there yet, with the silvery sheet of water still flashing 
 back the rays of bright sunlight ; all of which goes to show that Dornin 
 always did believe that the best of anything was good enough for him ; 
 but this not being satisfied with writing on the water-wheel, but must go 
 for the dam also, is a little too gilt-edged entirely. 
 
 REGISTER EARLY. 
 
 INSURANCE men are ever on the alert for circumstantial evidence 
 and it is not strange that their wives, by association, should exhibit 
 a similar tendency. A case in point recently occurred when Win- 
 some William, of San Jose, stopped over night in the city for the purpose 
 of criticising, in company with his friend Carpenter, the fire hazard of a 
 spectacular play. Mr. C., who then did his regular sleeping on the other 
 side of the bay, left his satchel at the hotel where both were to stop, early 
 in the day and registered, but as William never thinks of carrying any 
 baggage for a trip of less than a week's duration, he had no occasion to 
 visit the hotel until his dazzled eyes and excited brain sought rest, after 
 the calcium light had cast its last reflections on the Amazons, and the 
 theatrical fairy had kicked her last kick. It was, therefore, a little dif- 
 ficult for him, or any one else, to tell whether he made his hotel registry 
 "last night or to-morrow morning." 
 
 The next night, having descended from the delectable mountains of 
 San Francisco burlesque to the dead level of domestic San Jose, he was 
 expatiating on the glories of the previous evening, when his wife, in as 
 casual a manner as circumstances and a remarkable self-control would 
 permit, asked: 
 
 "Where did you stop?" 
 
 "Oh, Carpenter and I staid at the Lick House." 
 
 "You did? Well, here is a copy of this morning's Chronicle, in 
 which I find Mr. Carpenter's name in the list of guests, but I don't find 
 yours." 
 
 William doesn't often take a back-set, but he was non-plussed in this 
 instance, and when his name appeared in due form in the next issue, he 
 felt that he lay himself open to the suspicion of having "seen" the news- 
 paper man. He now makes it a rule to register before dark, so that his 
 name may get in the book in time for the next morning's paper. Not 
 having much hair to lose, his practical good sense as an adjuster teaches 
 him that the salvage of that which he has, more than offsets any financial 
 loss resulting from the payment for a night's lodging six hours in 
 advance. C. 
 
'THE KNAPSACK 1882 
 
 A DREAM. 
 
 For a whole year past, since the agents found out 
 
 That adjusters and specials were safe without doubt, 
 
 Their minds have been greatly perplexed 
 
 As to what in the future will be their fate, 
 
 If they too can pass through the heavenly gate 
 
 When they go from this world to the next. 
 
 Now, in order to set troubled minds at rest, 
 And to aid them in settling their anxious quest, 
 
 I will tell you a little dream 
 That came to me one night as I slept, 
 And worried me so that I fairly wept, 
 
 So real did it seem. 
 
 Methought I stood by the little door 
 St. Peter watches so carefully o'er, 
 
 And looking the wicket through, 
 Found a goodly company in sight 
 Who seemed to think surely they were all right, 
 
 And many of them I knew. 
 
 There were Flint and Spencer with Capt. Magill, 
 Firmly marching straight up the hill, 
 
 And close behind them came 
 Jacobs and Easton, Haven and Pope, 
 Faces beaming with pleasure and hope, 
 
 With others that I could name. 
 
 Following them in unbroken rank 
 
 Came Hamilton, Dickson, Hunt and Frank, 
 
 Andrew Smith and Chas. R. Story, 
 Carpenter, Bromwell and Landers, too, 
 All looking as happy as if they knew 
 
 They were on the road to glory. 
 
 Brown and Bailey, Syz and Grant, 
 Naunton and Butler, looking askant 
 
 At the Lion led by Dornin. 
 Potter, Jones and Farnsworth came in sight 
 With Laton and Speyer, looking as bright 
 
 As a beautiful May morning. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1882 
 
 But Peter said " Ere I unlock these gates 
 
 You must each assure me you have never cut rates 
 
 Also explain your position 
 
 On the troublesome subject which all of you know 
 Has made such ' bobbery ' there below 
 
 The matter of commission." 
 
 " If while on earth you can truthfully say 
 That you kept your agreements every day, 
 
 And did not once deviate ; 
 
 Ne'er around the stump have the devil whipped, 
 Nor in any way from the right path slipped, 
 
 I will hasten and open the gate." 
 
 I saw that they all seemed perfectly dazed, 
 And mournfully on each other gazed, 
 
 And sadly they turned away, 
 Save one, who could stand the required test ; 
 I could give his name, if I thought it best, 
 
 But prefer that you should say. 
 
 COMMUNICATION. 
 
 PORTLAND, Oregon. 
 
 EDITOR Knapsack So many good things will be offered you, that 
 my mite will, I fear, not be entitled to even a place in the outside, with 
 the panikin. 
 
 Things don't hopper much in Oregon to adjusters. Railroads in 
 which accidents are not allowed to occur run to all the towns where fires 
 occur. Sleepers are common. The dangerous streams are all bridged. 
 Where railroads are not built, magnificent steamers ascend the smallest 
 rivers to their very source, or Concord coaches, drawn by elegant horses 
 over macadamized roads, carrying you smoothly along. The highway 
 robbers have all joined the church; the Indians have become rational 
 beings, and only go on the war path when Uncle Sam's grub gives out, 
 and though occasionally you meet a "buck-board," the bucking horses 
 have all been broke to ladies' use ; and so I cannot, like my California 
 brethern, give you very blood-curdling adventures. 
 
 A snow blockade of ten (10) days having to keep moving for thirty 
 hours to keep from freezing no grub to pass the time ; ascending rivers 
 in a crazy Indian canoe with only Indians for companions where every 
 
)4 THE KNAPSACK 1882 
 
 sharp bend in the river had its legend of drowned miners these things, 
 while adding spice to the usual dullness of Oregon life, are of course 
 mere trifles to those who travel in the wilds of California. I therefore 
 spare you details. 
 
 I recently met an adjuster who thought I was a Californian, who gave 
 me the following, which I forward as a contribution from a wild untutored 
 Oregonian. 
 
 A LEGEND OF THE RHINE(o). 
 
 In a beautiful country, where everything is evergreen, because the 
 sun never comes out to dry the pearly rain drop which comes with de- 
 lightful regularity, is located a beautiful city, grown fat with wealth and 
 prosperity. The city is beautifully situated on a magnificent river, broad 
 and deep. The country is called Oregon, and it is supposed that the dirt 
 with which it was built came from Ireland. One thing is certain, no 
 poisonous snake or reptile is found on its western slope. 
 
 The people do not speak Irish, but the oldest inhabitants, the first 
 families, speak a "jargon.' The people are known as "Webfeet." 
 This name was given to them by the first Californian who came, who sup- 
 posed they were aquatic, because they found their nests so well feathered. 
 The people generally took things very easy, making money without effort, 
 but in the days I write of, existed on a well-known class who were an ex- 
 ception to the general rule. They were known as insurance agents. 
 Existed, I say, because at present the race is extinct, nearly. They were 
 so active and energetic that they were a source of great annoyance to the 
 old business fraternity, who didn't believe in activity and enterprise. 
 Every one supposed they were getting rich, but people were not aware of 
 the goodness of heart and generosity of these agents, for, while they 
 were supposed to be making large commissions, some of them were 
 secretly returning all their profits to the needy persons buying insurance 
 from them. Such generosity should have brought its own reward. It 
 did. A disease called the "rebate" broke out among them and became 
 epidemic. When the disorder was at its height, a meeting of all the 
 agents was called to devise means to arrest its progress. One peculiarity 
 of the disease was, that everyone thought himself the only one free from 
 it. After many plans were suggested, some one said that there was a 
 fiddler in town who could cure any disease by the magic of his bow. 
 Every fellow wanted to see the other cured, and it was decided to employ 
 him. The fiddler made the rounds of the offices, playing enchanting 
 music ; the insurance man could not resist the bewitching strains. Prin- 
 cipals and clerks followed the fiddler until every one in the business had 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1882 
 
 joined the festive procession. The fiddler led them to the river bank and 
 plunged into the water, still playing; all followed all, save one; he was 
 an adjuster as well as agent. When young a fairy had kindly stood for 
 his godmother, and had given him a charm against water; some people 
 said he wasn't born to be drowned water didn't agree with him. He 
 didn't believe in the water cure, so took a ferry-boat across the stream, 
 expecting to meet his comrades on the other side. Alas! they never 
 came. He mourned their loss, but consoled himself with the reflection 
 that now he had the entire field to himself, and would do a smashing busi- 
 ness. Strange to say, this was not the case. People quit insuring, and it 
 was impossible for him to live on the business, and he was obliged to 
 shovel dirt for a living. On being asked what charm the music had for 
 him, he said, "I thought it said, 'Come, I will take you where there is a 
 gilt-edged steam planing mill. Well, where there is no rebate.' The 
 man has just arrived from California, where no such thing is known. 
 Other agents don't know of it, because the lumber is not on the ground 
 yet." X. 
 
 "X" is a little mixed in his metaphors, but the moral is good. 
 
 EDITOR Knapsack : Dear Sir To supply your demand for copy, we 
 give the Association the benefit of three letters received by us during the 
 past few days, from our agents at different points on the Coast. They 
 merely show the "stuff" the different agents are made of. Our best 
 wishes to the insurance fraternity is that every company doing business 
 had an agent at every point made out of the same stuff as writer of 
 letter No. 3. 
 
 Yours truly, , Gen. Agent. 
 
 Letter No. i is from one of our agents, who having failed to remit for 
 premiums after policies had been in force three or four months, and had 
 failed to take notice of at least two accounts sent him, was gently re- 
 minded that coin was wanted. It reads, viz: 
 
 , February 15, 1882. 
 
 MESSRS. : Yours of the loth at hand ; contents noted. Now, 
 
 in regard to balance due you of $60, nearly one-half of it is for my own 
 policy, and I felt you could well afford to give me that, or at least wait 
 until I could pay it ; but you seem to be in such a hurry about it that I 
 will try and relieve you before long pay up and quit business. I have 
 done your business for a long time, and as I supposed satisfactory, but I 
 
36 THE KNAPSACK 1882 
 
 see you are not satisfied, and I think we had better dissolve. I have 
 been urged by other companies to do business for them, who have offered 
 me 20 per cent, for the warehouse insurance, and 25 per cent, for stand- 
 ing grain. They are good reliable Board companies, I have some 
 money due me next month, and if I can collect it, will send you every 
 cent due, and also all the books and papers that I have of yours, and will 
 try my hand in doing business for other companies. 
 
 Yours, etc. 
 
 Letter No. 2 is from an agent to whom we had returned a dwelling 
 house application for $150, at ^ per cent., explaining to him it was too 
 small a premium to issue a policy for. It reads, viz : 
 
 , February 18, 1882, 
 
 MESSRS. : Gentlemen Yours of the i2th inst. at hand, and 
 
 will say that you have placed us in a very embarrassing position. We 
 accepted the application and approved it, and now you refuse a policy. 
 We are compelled to insure it in one of our other companies. 
 
 We are perfectly willing to listen to any suggestions you may wish to 
 make, and while we do not presume to dictate the manner in which you 
 should do your business, we must reserve the right of knowing something 
 of ours, and with all due respect, we think we are better able to judge 
 applications and their attending circumstances here than you can be in 
 San Francisco. 
 
 This must not occur again, and if you are to refuse to issue policies 
 when we ask for them, unless some radical error exists in the application, 
 we think it would be best to return our certificate. 
 
 Yours truly, & 
 
 NOTE. It has been suggested that we keep the above as a copy, so in case our 
 companies criticise any of our risks, we can answer in same terms as our agent has 
 written. 
 
 Letter No. 3 is from an agent, it is a pleasure to correspond with, and 
 from one who has his company's welfare at heart. It is in answer to a 
 rigid questioning regarding moral hazard of the assured under one of his 
 risks, and also regarding water supply, and reads, viz : 
 
 , Feb. i9th, 1882. 
 
 MESSRS. : Gentlemen Your favor of i8th at hand, and 
 
 we are pleased to see you are wide awake to your business interests, as 
 there is no better guarantee to us and the assured of stability of your 
 agency, and that our clients in Co., are insured. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1882 
 
 The fire of December 13, 1881, originated in the building adjoining 
 Mr. A, and there was not the slightest question of moral hazard. His 
 clerk, a most estimable young man, narrowly escaped cremation. At 
 
 that time Mr. A was insured in the for $2,000, which was fully 
 
 paid after six days' close account of stock by , adjuster. Mr. A has 
 
 a family here, and has been in business a number of years. 
 
 We trust you will accept no risk from us that you are not perfectly 
 satisfied with as a business proposition. If it is not a proper risk for our 
 companies, it is not for us, and we would prefer to refuse it altogether. 
 
 A committee of citizens have recently chosen sites for new cisterns, 
 which are in place, and are to be provided with 5-inch pipes from the 
 mains, and have taps for fastening or coupling hose to the pipe in the 
 absence of engines. 
 
 The new cisterns are small, but the supply-pipe is supposed to furnish 
 water to them as fast as the engine will draw it off. We are moving to 
 thoroughly reorganize for the summer campaign. The main pipe of the 
 water company is not as large as it should be, and in case of a large fire, 
 would not furnish water for a large number of hydrants ; but we are aim- 
 ing to beat the common enemy at the threshold, if possible. 
 
 "Capt." Dimond, of the Phoenix, and "Col." Kinne, of the L. L. & 
 G., were with us a week, recently, and from them you may obtain infor- 
 mation of value. Yours truly, . 
 
 CAUSE AND EFFECT. 
 
 A fire on the premises of Dr. Port at Chollas Valley, near San Diego, 
 Cal., destroyed a small barn or cow-shed, causing a damage of perhaps 
 one hundred dollars. The fire occurred while the doctor was in town, 
 and for some time its origin was a complete mystery. Determined to 
 find out, if possible, how it occurred, Dr. Port on his return instituted an 
 investigation, and arrived at results which make the affair one of the 
 most singular we have ever heard of. In the morning some brush had 
 been burned some distance from the barn, and when the doctor left home 
 the fire had ceased to burn the brush being all consumed. Among 
 the pets on the place is a fine young dog, whose chief delight is to chase 
 the numerous colony of rabbits (jacks and cottontails) abounding in the 
 valley. Noticing the dog to be quite lame, Dr. P. proceeded to make 
 a diagnosis of doggie as well as the fire, and found the dog's foot to be 
 quite badly burned between the toes, which led the doctor to follow 
 up his "lead," by which it was doubtless correctly determined that the 
 dog had been in pursuit of a rabbit, whose flight had led him across the 
 
38 THE KNAPSACK 1882 
 
 burned patch of brush. The fire was apparently all out, but the dog 
 had stepped upon a small smouldering brand which became fastened 
 between the toes. The sensation to the poor dog doubtless made him 
 think he was the pursued instead of pursuer, and "turning tail " he fled 
 for home and jumped the fence into the small yard adjoining the barn. 
 The yard being covered with loose hay, the brand became detached from 
 the dog's foot in jumping the fence and fell among the hay, thus setting 
 fire to the premises. 
 
 SOME INSURANCE TALK AT A COUNTRY HOTEL. 
 
 WE were sitting before a roaring fire in a dimly lighted hotel office. 
 Office by courtesy only, for it answered the requirements of a 
 bar room, trunk room, reading room, card game and billiards. 
 Not to forget a unique affair in the corner for lavatory uses, including 
 three yards of revolving stuff not unlike sand paper in feeling, while to 
 the other senses it was an ancient and fish-like satire on Turkish towel- 
 ling. 
 
 Outside, rain poured gustily. Inside, dampness penetrated. An 
 incessant drip, drip, drip, fell on the ear with the monotony of a sad heart- 
 beat. 
 
 We had the room to ourselves at last, discussing points of adjustment 
 and what not, until "Aretas" straightened himself, and was delivered of 
 the following: "Gentlemen, talk about total depravity, I tell you the 
 country hotel is the root of all evil. The country hotel is original sin, it 
 is the father of cussedness, and the nurse of crime. Attacking the human 
 victim at the seat of intelligence, the stomach, it spreads through the 
 entire system, leaving it a hopeless wreck. We eat, we drink, what? 
 Food, in its primal state fit for gods and goddesses. Fresh from gardens 
 and shambles, rich, juicy, teeming with all health-giving qualities ; but in 
 the hands of that arch demon who rules over the frying pan it becomes a 
 substance, a variety of substances, calculated to bring a nightmare that 
 will attend your waking moments. A peaceable man by nature, I have 
 seen times when I could shed blood, could dance on the grave of my 
 dearest foe with maniac glee, all because of the leaden substance taken 
 to support life, and familiar to your ears as ' beef steak, mutton chops, 
 bacon and liver, tea or coffee,' and as for the drink, infusion of penny- 
 royal and thorough wort, ground beans with chicory. I hold it is a 
 crime, a punishable crime." 
 
 "Oh, stop!" said "Gravely." "These extreme and extravagant 
 words destroy the very argument. I admit there is much to complain of, 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1882 
 
 but that portly form, ' Aretas ' that clear eye and fresh complexion deny 
 the waking nightmares. I concur as to the location of your seat of intel- 
 ligence, but let me tell of a meal in a country hotel. 'Omega,' over 
 there, remembers it. It was at Lake Tahoe. Too busy to fish, we sent 
 out a man. He returned with a trout which must have weighed ten 
 pounds a beauty, still alive, swimming in a tank, when we gazed at it. 
 ' Did the landlord know how to cook a trout? ' ' He should smile.' 'All 
 right; serve it for breakfast.' What a night of anticipation! How we 
 paused over scorched and soaked books of account to recall the trout 
 breakfast ! How at last we toyed with knife and fork, an expectant light 
 in our eyes! It came ah, how we beamed! It came ah, how we 
 shivered! Cooked? It was cooked, until, in its charred remains, nor 
 man nor surviving member of its family could recognize trout. Dry and 
 greasy and bad, it might have been sturgeon or shark; it was not our 
 breakfast. I do not go so far as you, 'Aretas,' in wishing to dance upon 
 that landlord's grave, but if I had heard of his accidental yet shocking 
 death, a holy calm would have filled my breast." 
 
 "I do not wish to choke any one off," said "Altamont;" "but what 
 crazy nonsense this all is ! Now, I have been on the road as long as any 
 one here, at a time, too, when there were no railroads when days and 
 nights in a stage coach were as bad as any hotel could be and I have 
 always found plenty to eat that was good and wholesome. I have ad- 
 justed more losses, and probably know more about California, than any 
 one. As for tea and coffee, why, if you don't like it, take milk. I never 
 found any of their lawyers who would not admit that any proposition was 
 correct; and if you can't get milk, water is good enough for the time 
 being, or whiskey for that matter, although I don't need it. I can dictate 
 two letters to different people on different subjects, all on the food and 
 drink I get at country hotels. If that is not proof, what is? If any of you 
 fellows want help in your cases, call on me. I am going to bed." 
 
 "Just one minute," said "Berg." "I have a good thing on 'Alta- 
 mont.' Some years ago I invited him to make a fourth at a little dinner 
 given in honor of two Eastern brothers. We went to the old Louisiana 
 Rotisserie. 'Altamont' didn't want soup, and, after eating a pound of 
 bread, what, in heaven's name, do you suppose he called for? Pudding! 
 by the eternal and, dash my buttons, if he didn't order soup while we 
 were at dessert that's the sort of a liver complaint he is." 
 
 "Wild" here got the floor. "If I am allowed to get a word in edge- 
 wise with this convention, I put it up that the Oregon landlord takes the 
 prize. Let me give you our experience. Time, 6 A. M. ; season, winter ; 
 air, frosty raining all the same. Drowned-out old stage dumped me at 
 
40 THE KNAPSACK 1882 
 
 the door ; inside old man asleep by the stove, boots nearly burned off 
 him. ' Hello, pard,' shouted I, ' where's the landlord?' Long stupid stare. 
 'I be,' said he. 'I want a room nice room.' No answer. 'I want it now 
 right off.' Not a burned boot dropped. 'Can I have a room?" 1 'Waal, 
 yaas, I presume so.' 'All right; lead the way.' With a blink that would 
 have turned an owl green with envy, he pointed a long finger, saying, 
 ' Take any of them left-hand rooms as is empty on the left-hand side up- 
 stairs.' I was making up sleep at the rate of forty-eight hours a day 
 when I became conscious of a riot outside my door. That landlord had 
 given me the room of a regular boarder a gambler." "Wild " was here 
 interrupted in his narrrative by a voice, saying, "Gentlemen, it is late, 
 and the guests complain that they cannot sleep for your conversation." 
 "I don't doubt it," said "Wild;" "this house is like a drum you can 
 hear what is said in any part of it. I remember once a young married 
 couple came here" but another beautiful reminiscence was lost in the 
 general break-up. G. 
 
 DEAR Knapsack Open the inner pocket of your "old pack" and 
 tuck this away for the next tea fight if you want to. 
 
 "CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGE." 
 
 The ideas of the great unwashed majority of the "plebeian herd" 
 regarding the liability of insurance companies are as varied and vague as 
 those of "a hog on a holiday," and happily illustrated in the recent ex- 
 perience of "one of us" in an adjoining county. 
 
 Due notice of loss was received at headquarters, and one knight of 
 the Draft-Book hastened to the scene on his errand of mercy. The 
 damage to building and furniture was found to be trifling, but the internal 
 effects of mater familias were rent and disrupted as if by a volcanic erup- 
 tion, and, though the smoke aud ashes had drifted away, great distress 
 still prevailed. 
 
 Right here came in the question of "consequential damage." The 
 loss to building and furniture had been amicably settled, and the adjuster 
 was on the point of taking his departure, when the claimant brought him 
 to the "right about" with a claim for damage through the premature 
 birth of his infant son William. To arrive at the measure of this damage 
 was a puzzler for our adjuster, but, as we all would do, he fell resolutely 
 to work, and first satisfied himself that the damaged article had been 
 properly covered and the thing was legitimate, and William would have 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1882 41 
 
 been due thirty-one days from the date of the fire. Then arose the prob- 
 lem, what would be the present value of a bill maturing at 31 days- 
 interest, 9 per cent. But here he was startled to bethink himself that he 
 was ignorant of the face of the bill, and a sight of it was refused him. 
 Still, always fertile in resources like all of us, he took a horn of the 
 dilemma, and knowing the usual bill for such things he started out with 
 $50 as a basis. Then, turning to his "Tiffany" for a proper table of 
 depreciation, he concluded that "nut and bolt works with gravel roof" 
 would be the correct guide. 
 
 This question of depreciation is always vexatious and prolific of more 
 trouble than any other in the line of our calling ; but, going quietly away 
 by himself, our adjuster tackled it. Q. E. D. If nut and bolt works will 
 depreciate 5 per cent, in a year, how much will it depreciate in 31 days, 
 figuring from an z>/verse ratio ? After laboring earnestly for some hours 
 to bring the thing to a solution, and having "reached the base line," he 
 was surprised by the claimant suddenly exclaiming, "Look a-here, old 
 man, you just pay the doctor's bill and I'll let you off." "How much is 
 it?" asks the adjuster. "Ten dollars," says the claimant; and ten dol- 
 lars was the compromise figure. 
 
 Yours, 
 
 HOW I KILLED MY MAN. 
 
 I ONCE killed a man. He was a perfect specimen of his kind ; of him 
 it may be said society met a long-felt want in his demise. 
 He was short in stature; round, thick-set, swarthy; had broad 
 shoulders and black bead-like eyes ; to him a necktie was a useless ap- 
 pendage ; summer and winter he appeared in shirt-sleeves ; his eyebrows 
 were bushy; his hair stood upright on his bullet head, "like quills upon 
 the fretful porcupine ; " his voice was a subdued roar he spoke in thick 
 gutturals, producing an effect not unlike solid extract of sound. I am 
 in doubt as to his nationality ; he appeared to combine traits of every 
 known race, and his characteristics were of the four quarters of the globe. 
 Not having killed a man before, my emotions were varied. This is 
 how it happened : He kept a general merchandise store, and, like a 
 prudent merchant, had policies with two companies, but, unlike a pru- 
 dent merchant, when the fires occurred from causes to him unknown, he 
 had made such an unequal distribution of coal oil about the premises, 
 that the little room in the rear alone was damaged, while the tell-tale 
 stock in the main store stared sullenly from the shelves, silent witnesses 
 in the case. Before I reached the spot, the district agent of the other 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1882 
 
 company had settled his loss, paid it, taken up his policy and departed, 
 as a precautionary measure, telling the assured that the other policy con- 
 tributed its full face value. 
 
 Let me draw a veil two veils over the picture of my progress with 
 this good man. How he did swear! Swear he swore in seventeen 
 languages swore in all the minor keys, from baritone to double bass 
 swore to the top of the flag-staff on Mount Davidson and down to the 
 lower level of the bottomless pit. When he had finished this volunteer 
 crop of oaths, he swore judicially in the presence of a notary. Suffering 
 truth, how he did swear! swore that in this little room 10x12 and 8 feet 
 high was stored every variety of merchandise, sewing machines, agricul- 
 tural implements, hay, grain, feed, groceries, provisions, hardware, nuts, 
 candy everything! It was the nuts and candy "broke the camel's 
 back." An itemized statement footed up fifteen hundred weight of nuts, 
 and a ton of candy, all in sticks. I stopped him right there. 
 
 "Hold on, friend," said I, "whatever happens, I do not want you to 
 forget anything. Take plenty of time; talk it over calmly with your 
 partner. True, he is not interested in this policy, but he can make sug- 
 gestions. Come to town by and by and see your friends and the people 
 from whom you buy goods. Get duplicate bills and statements of 
 accounts ; that will help you some. Don't forget the candy man ; he can, 
 no doubt think of something not down on your list. Prices may be 
 higher than when you laid in your winter's stock of nuts. You are en- 
 titled to every consideration in this matter. Bring the nut merchant 
 round to the office. I would not see a poor man ruined knowingly. Our 
 instructions are to point out to the assured any loss he has suffered which 
 may escape his eye in the excitement of the moment." 
 
 Thus I spoke with him ; thus I reassured him, while his breast 
 heaved with emotion and his eye burned fierce and fiercer. Suddenly, 
 without warning, he went mad right there; he raved, foamed at the 
 mouth, and bit at the air. It was a merciful Providence intervened and 
 struck him to the floor, a senseless lump of clay. They took him up, 
 carried him out, and that week they buried him. It was the public 
 administrator paid him this tribute; said he, "He was great for one 
 thing. He was the greatest liar in the world." G. 
 
 Conundrum What is the difference between a livery stable and an 
 omnibus building? 
 
 This was asked of the writer by one of the prominent (?) agents of a 
 large Nevada town, after he had received a liberal share of the special's 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1882 
 
 instructions, and when he was endeavoring to inform himself as to the 
 intricacies of rating. 
 
 AND now, being of the opinion that we have got right down to the 
 bottom of the thing of the Knapsack, I mean- -the manager and his 
 associate are ready to consider the inspection over and "fall in." Me- 
 thinks we hear the merry tones emitted with jangling jar from the metal 
 throat of the bugle, sounding the well-known "dinner call," and we sling 
 knapsacks with alacrity and are willing to go marching along for another 
 season. 
 
44 THE KNAPSACK 1883 
 
 CALIFORNIA KNAPSACK. 
 VOL. i. No. 4- 
 
 C. MASON KINNE, ..-- - Manager. 
 
 EDITORIAL ROOMS, 422 CALIFORNIA STREET, 
 
 SAN FRANCISCO, January 15, 1883. 
 
 DEAR SIR: The Knapsack again needs replenishing. We have 
 been dividing our stores among our comrades so lavishly, that the supply 
 of rations is nearly exhausted ; and in consequence we propose to make a 
 raid on the talent and wit surrounding our headquarters and see if our 
 intellectual commissariat will not be stocked with good things as of 
 yore. 
 
 The soldier can do better fighting when well fed ; and the Knapsack 
 is at its best when most plethoric. 
 
 The great fraternity of specials and adjusters make a goodly com- 
 pany ; and now that orders are issued we expect you to fall in promptly. 
 
 Give us short, concise and pointed sketches of personal experience, 
 ideas and anecdote that the past year has stored up for you, and don't 
 be too long about getting them ready. 
 
 The flap of the Knapsack is wide open and will so remain till Febru- 
 ary 10, 1883. Urgently yours, 
 
 C. MASON KINNE, Manager. 
 
 EDITORIAL. 
 
 In commencing another year of our existence, we have to offer this 
 number just as it is. It ought to have been better : it might have been 
 worse. 
 
 Let it be plainly understood by contributors and patrons alike that 
 our Knapsack is not one that is piled with the rest when the battle 
 begins, but that it is carried with us onto the skirmish line. Of course it 
 would become burdensome were it loaded down and packed full with 
 the varied impedimenta of the raw recruit; and the old campaigner 
 knows just what to throw out. Luxuries for the commanding officers, 
 but essentials only for veteran soldiers. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1883 45 
 
 The special agent or the adjuster is the man who is detailed for 
 picket duty, or as one of the skirmishers, and while under fire or over it, 
 he sees things as they are. He is not fighting the whole battle ; statistics 
 don't count for much just then. The man in his immediate front is his 
 meat for that fight ; and whether it is a slippery agent or an unjust claim- 
 ant, it engrosses all his attention and his best thoughts. 
 
 The generals in the back office may direct the plan of the Battle of 
 the Underwriters, and carry it out according to all the rules and regula- 
 tions of modern insurance warfare, but without his efficient field officer to 
 point out the dangers of the the "ford" and the "pass," his infantry in 
 the way of Tariffs, his field batteries of Statistics, and his cavalry charges 
 of Special Ratings, all are met and demoralized and finally routed by the 
 onslaught of partisan rangers and guerilla warriors, frantically brandish- 
 ing the spear of rebates and cut rates, excessive commissions and expen- 
 sive supplies. 
 
 Insurance is a peculiar business, fraught with dangers as certain as 
 those of bullet and shell. We meet the onslaught of the fiery foe first 
 of all ; we have to bear the brunt of the battle. Every loss, imaginary or 
 real, that can be put upon the shoulders of the insurance company, is 
 carefully rammed home and fired with a short fuse. The adjuster now 
 and then gets in a little good work, but ordinarily returns home feeling 
 that he went, he saw, and was conquered. His knapsack is full of expe- 
 riencesgood, bad and indifferent. He is at once a student and a 
 teacher. Losses educate the people to insure ; adjusters inform them of 
 details and necessary preliminaries that hedge about the path of indem- 
 nity, that they never thought of before. It is a new schooling for them, 
 and the adjuster is the tutor. 
 
 But the field man finds his capacity is of a dual character. To-day 
 the wearied adjuster, to-morrow the worried special. Tutoring a claim- 
 ant in the paths of rectitude to-day, but a few hours finds him schooling 
 the local agent how not to cut rates and yet talk business to win ; trying 
 to convince him that commissions for himself is not all he has to think 
 about, and that the tariff is not the immaculate personification of insur- 
 ance judgment. That Book 4, as applied to a California town, or village 
 in eastern Oregon or Washington, is to be construed simply as a min- 
 imum guide, and not a maximum solution of what to charge for a broken 
 frame range or a B-class building exposed by a long row of frame 
 houses, in which cloth-lining and stove-pipes predominate. 
 
 But it is not for the Knapsack to moralize. Its duty is to convey 
 such facts and experiences as may be placed within its protecting folds, 
 and not manufacture them; to absorb and not theorize. We have to 
 give you to-day a little of all sorts ; from grave to gay, from water supply 
 
46 THE KNAPSACK 
 
 in San Francisco to whisky straight in the mountains. There might have 
 been more ; there ought to have been much more offered us from out 
 the varied episodes in the work of our specials and adjusters, supple- 
 mented by the careful thought and wise experience emanating from those 
 who occupy the sanctum sanctorum ; who sit at the helm of the various 
 ships sailing with their mingled fair winds and foul, over the troubled sea 
 of insurance. But what we have is good, and of a character for such a 
 receptacle ; while the various committees can deal with the weighty prob- 
 lems of losses and adjustments, forms of policies, statistics, etc., with 
 suggestions thrown in of how to reform evil practices and elevate the 
 profession generally. THE EDITOR. 
 
 THIS, from a paper read by a prominent underwriter before the Asso- 
 ciation of the South, fits our climate so close that it will bear repeating. 
 
 Report says that the paper was repudiated by that Association ; and 
 it must have been because truth is unpopular in that neighborhood. 
 
 He says of the "candid agent," Arkansas is a good place to draw an 
 example from on this score. An agent up there offered a company a 
 risk a ten per center; making a big, fat premium in an Arkansas 
 frame row, the character of which was so hard that it would simply have 
 scared the average manager to death to see it. The company wrote 
 back to know what especial feature recommended the risk. Agent re- 
 plied that the chief thing that recommended it to him was "the commis- 
 sion that was in it" Yours, X. 
 
 THE following is a good deal better. than no response at all. We 
 thank " C " for small favors. Try again. 
 
 PORTLAND, Oregon, February ist, 1883. 
 C. MASON KINNE, ESQ. 
 
 My Dear Sir: Your call for contributions to the California Knap- 
 sack is received. 
 
 The self-assurance and cheek of the special agent is proverbial ; but 
 I am yet too young in the business to presume to offer any sketch that 
 would be of interest or entertainment to the members of the " F. U. A." 
 
 Oregon is too slow and plodding to furnish any startling experiences ; 
 but she can boast of more fires and larger losses to the premiums written, 
 and more unprincipled insurance solicitors and agents, than any other 
 country on the globe. If ever I have an experience in this country of 
 perpetual mud and slush that will be of interest to the Association, I shall 
 be only too happy to contribute it. Wishing you a joyous reunion, I 
 remain, Very truly yours, C. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1883 47 
 
 EDITOR Knapsack : If you have found, as I have, a lamentable ignor- 
 ance of the most common rules, perhaps you will add to this list, which 
 is called 
 
 HINTS TO AGENTS. 
 
 [If printed on a card, why not a good thing to scatter broadcast?] 
 
 In event of loss, telegraph the number of policy and probable 
 amount of loss to general agent. 
 
 Let the assured put his damaged goods in order, sorting the wet 
 from the dry, and protecting them from further damage. 
 
 Do not assume responsibility ; use common sense ; advise and assist. 
 
 Many of your patrons think they have no right to remove or even 
 touch their goods at time of fire. An error. It is their duty to save. 
 The property insured belongs to the party insuring, before, at, and after 
 the fire. Let him proceed as he would if he had no policy. 
 
 Save books of account first. 
 
 Do not consent to or make an endorsement on policy after a fire. 
 
 Office and store fixtures or furniture are not covered under the head 
 of "stock." 
 
 Pictures, silver-ware, ornaments, printed books, sheet music, and 
 musical instruments are not covered under the head of ' ' household furni- 
 ture." Put separate amount on each subject. 
 
 Household furniture includes carpets, curtains, bedding, crockery, 
 glass-ware and kitchen utensils. 
 
 Awnings are not covered with brick buildings unless specially men- 
 tioned. 
 
 Give permission for fifteen days' carpenter work free ; after which 
 charge as per rule in rate-book. 
 
 Accept not to exceed two-thirds cash value on any subject. 
 
 Cash value is the value of "to-day," notwithstanding the circum- 
 stances. 
 
 Refer all special hazards to headquarters without binding the com- 
 pany. 
 
 Cancel and return policies when your judgment dictates; for in- 
 stance : 
 
 Misrepresentation on the part of the assured, 
 
 Danger from incendiarism, 
 
 When property is in the hands of sheriff, 
 
 When building is vacant, 
 
 When business is not profitable. 
 
 Render your account current the first of each month. 
 
48 THE KNAPSACK 1883 
 
 When rate is increased from any cause during the life of policy, col- 
 lect additional premium. 
 
 Never consent to assignment except on actual sale of property in- 
 sured. 
 
 The words " loss, if any, payable," will protect other interests. 
 
 The first payee must release his claim before a second can be recog- 
 nized. 
 
 Enter every change in your register. X. Y. Z. 
 
 [!N this connection we add some of the printed instructions an ex- 
 special, now Secretary, sends his agents. They, as well as the preceding 
 ones, are all good. ED.] 
 
 N. B. Please be careful and give us the size of building to be in- 
 sured. 
 
 ATTACHMENTS. When property insured is attached (before a loss), 
 immediately cancel our policies on said risk. 
 
 DISTINCTNESS. If the signature of the assured on application is 
 indistinct, write the name in lead pencil on the margin. 
 
 REMITTANCES. All remittances and letters address to the company, 
 and not to the officers. 
 
 TOUCHING LOSSES. 
 
 NOTICE. Upon receipt of information of a fire in your town or dis- 
 trict, "At once notify the company by telegraph, giving number of 
 policy ; where issued; loss, if supposed total, or amount of partial ; name 
 of assured, and names of other companies interested. 
 
 INVENTORY. Schedule immediately all property saved. 
 
 CUSTODY. Request assured to take charge and protect property 
 saved until loss is adjusted. 
 
 PERISHABLE PROPERTY. Use all legitimate means to dry and pre- 
 serve property damaged. Iron and hardware have dried by rolling in 
 bran or shorts to prevent rusting. Cigars, tobacco, dry and fancy goods, 
 clothing, linen- ware and such, expose to air to dry. 
 
 SUSPICIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES. Take the name and address of every 
 person who knows or professes to know anything about the fire, and 
 note all the facts relating thereto. 
 
 PROOFS OF Loss. Should an assured file proofs and a statement of 
 loss with you before the arrival of the adjuster, "At once notify him 
 that you have no authority to receive and accept the same ; but, if he 
 desires, you will hold and deliver them to the adjuster of the company 
 for him, upon the adjuster's arrival ; and that the assured must furnish 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1883 
 
 said company such further statements and proofs as the said adjuster may 
 require, the company waiving none of the conditions of its policy or 
 objections to the receipt of said proofs, or their correctness." 
 
 INSTRUCTIONS. Whenever in doubt on any point relating to your 
 conduct at time of a loss, telegraph us for information and instruc- 
 tions. 
 
 WATCHMAN. When property saved and in a damaged condition 
 amounts to over $1,000, put on a responsible watchman until the adjuster 
 arrives ; and no outsiders must be allowed on the premises, or to handle 
 said property, excepting those designated by the assured to assist in 
 separating the damaged stock from the sound, and to save and protect 
 his property from further injury, or to take an account thereof. 
 
 P. 
 
 GETTING BOARD RATES. 
 
 It is said there is nothing new under the "sun." Here is the last 
 in the way of getting Board rates : 
 
 Property insured : a two-story brick building, occupied as a butcher 
 shop on the first floor and dwelling on the second. 
 
 Dwelling rate, .50. Butcher shop rate, i per cent. 
 
 Copy of policy : 
 
 $ on his two-story metal-roof brick building, occupied as a 
 
 dwelling, situate corner of and streets, town o. 
 
 , county of , California. 
 
 Term, i year. Rate, 50 cents. Premium $ 
 
 "Permission granted to cut and sell cold meats on first floor, day 
 time and evenings." Yours, X. 
 
 [The above is a true fact and speaks for itself. ED.] 
 
 A LESSON IN RATING. 
 
 Recently in a small village I was accosted by a local agent of a prom- 
 inent Connecticut company, and requested to settle a dispute, viz. : 
 
 " What is the rate on a detached frame dwelling?" 
 
 "Seventy-five cents," I said. 
 
 "Well, I mean a dwelling without fresco," he answered. 
 
 "Without fresco? Please explain." 
 
 Said he, "Under alphabetical table of hazard, page 12 of rate book, 
 I read : Frame dwellings, see frescoed work ; D class ; 75 cents ; now, 
 if you can't see any frescoed work, what then ? " 
 
 Sadly I turned to the other man, and asked, "What is your idea?" 
 
50 THE KNAPSACK 1883 
 
 "Well, / claim that under rule on page 4, all frame buildings rate 
 2> per cent.," he replied. Explanation follows: "Confound it, my 
 company has insured my own dwelling for the last three years at 2% per 
 
 cent, per annum, and never told me I was wrong." 
 
 X.. Y . LI. 
 
 HOW OUR LOSS WAS FINALLY SETTLED. 
 
 TT F YOU should search the whole world through you would fail to find 
 11 such another united family as ours. Our love for grandmother is 
 woven in with our daily lives. Left without father or mother at a 
 tender age, she became to us at once guardian, parent, adviser, friend. 
 We are three children Charlie, just coming of age; Kate, two years 
 younger, and I, "sentimental sixteen." From infancy that blessed 
 grandmother has nursed us through sickness, conquered our stubborn 
 pride by loving means, and instilled into us habits of industry and econ- 
 omy. We lived in the family mansion of the old Harkinson estate, a 
 few miles from town ; just a few acres of ground, with a fine chestnut 
 grove leading to the house, a well-kept garden, and two or three out- 
 buildings ; but oh ! how dear to us. Perhaps you think this a strange 
 story for the Knapsack, wait and see. On the 27th of December, only 
 two nights after Christmas, we were scared out of our sleep and bundled 
 out of the house helter-skelter. "Fire! fire!" was all we heard. 
 Wrapped in odds and ends of blankets, table-covers and overcoats, we 
 watched that dear old home melt away. Huddled together at the dairy- 
 house window we saw the angry flames, and saw the cause of them, too 
 an earthenware chimney ! Heat within and cold air without had 
 cracked it just below the roof ; no knowing how long the fire had smoul- 
 dered. 
 
 Even in our terror we noticed the most ridiculous incidents. We 
 saw that what was brought out of the house was mostly of no value . 
 nothing was complete ; something was gone from everything. 
 
 Of course there was insurance. Charlie informed us with pride that 
 he had attended to the matter himself; grandmother was beginning to 
 trust matters of business to his care. 
 
 Well, next day we knew no more what to do than so many kittens. 
 The local agent of the insurance company was dead, and we had to call 
 in grandmother's lawyer, who notified the company. Next came an 
 elegant-looking young gentleman to adjust the loss. He was so kind 
 and explained everything with such ease, he quite filled us with admira- 
 tion. We had a builder's estimate and an appraisement, and made out a 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1883 57 
 
 long list of all that dear old furniture, and the adjuster helped ; and when 
 he said, "let me look at the policy, please," Charlie produced it with 
 quite an air, as if to say, "I am the business man here." After a look he 
 said, "I want the last policy." "Last one?" said Charley, "last one 
 why that is the last one." "Oh, no," said he, "this expired in July." 
 "Expired?" said Charlie, turning pale, "expired that's all the policy 
 there is." 
 
 Oh, dear ! such another time you never saw. Charlie was as limp as a 
 caterpillar. We brought ammonia and cologne and handed him over to 
 grandmother. Throughout this trying scene the adjuster seemed to do 
 just the right thing at the right time, and said good-bye, leaving us with 
 the impression that we had cruelly deceived him. When the lawyer told 
 us we had no claim, you may be sure we were a solemn quartette. 
 Then it was for the first time we learned how grandmother, in the love of 
 her dear heart, had educated us, clothed us, and reared us at the expense 
 of her own little fortune, which was nearly spent. How the Harkinson 
 estate yielded nothing ; and in her extremity she had no one to turn to 
 but God. Then it was we children put our talents to good use. Kate 
 painted water-color sketches, which sold quickly ; I formed a music class, 
 and Charlie well, Charlie seemed suddenly to become a man ; not that 
 he changed much in appearance, but his upper lip seemed to become 
 perfectly straight, which gave a determined expression to the whole face. 
 One day he told us he had talked with the president of the insurance 
 company, and was to meet the board of directors. What for? Well he 
 hardly knew; there was some awful mistake about the whole miserable 
 business, and he could not rest until he had tried to unravel it. 
 
 The day came he stated his case to those twelve men as I have told 
 it to you ; his whole heart was in the story, and he only faltered when he 
 spoke of the wrong he had done grandmother. The directors were in- 
 terested. Said one: " Why if the policy had expired, did you send an 
 adjuster?" This to the Secretary, who answered: "The property has 
 been insured with the company for years and renewed annually; the 
 adjuster was sent at once without consulting the books." 
 
 "Was there no application for this policy?" asked another. 
 
 "No; here is the only application; the original, marked renewed, 
 you will see from year to year." 
 
 "If the agent who took the risk were alive," said Charlie, "I am 
 sure he could explain the matter." One old gentleman who had quietly 
 watched proceedings asked if the agent had not written a letter ordering 
 the policy renewed. 
 
 The Secretary retired a moment and brought in a file of letters; 
 selecting two, he glanced over them, and, with a slightly changed color, 
 
52 THE KNAPSACK 1883 
 
 asked to see the policy ; then, with a dry little cough, he said : 
 
 "Gentlemen, the mystery is solved; this policy was ordered renewed 
 for three years. By this application you see the annual rate ; the 
 amount of premium paid on the policy is double the annual rate, or 
 what we call a three-years' rate ; clearly a clerical error on the part of the 
 policy-writer." 
 
 Well ! if it had been a matter of life and death, I don't believe there 
 could have been more joy manifested. Talk about corporations not 
 having souls; those men congratulated Charlie, and shook hands all 
 around with enthusiasm ; and the President, laying his broad palm on 
 Charlie's shoulder, said: "Young man, there is a vacancy in my office 
 for just such a boy as you, and who knows but some day you may fill 
 that chair," pointing to his vacant seat. 
 
 Out came the nice young adjuster again with proofs of loss, and a 
 check for $5,000; and weren't we happy? 
 
 And since that day the young adjuster and I have agreed to a con- 
 tract of our own, requiring certain proofs of affection. But that is 
 neither here nor there. G. 
 
 THE following has already been honored by appearing in print, but 
 is pointed enough to bear reading again : 
 
 GOING FOR HER BALD-HEADED. 
 
 A certain officer recently received a report of a policy written, cover- 
 ing, among others, this item: "$150 on her wigs, braids, puffs, rolls, 
 curls, and other hair for her personal use, etc." 
 
 The particular old covey, the presiding genius of said office, exhib- 
 ited an alarming ignorance of the subject in writing the agent as follows: 
 ' ' This is an uncommon item ; and as we find no blanks for an appro- 
 priate survey, you will please speedily answer following interrogations : 
 What color is the hair? and if red, decline. Is assured married or single? 
 If married, is her husband quick-tempered ? Does she 'fire up' quickly 
 herself? If single, has she beaux, and do they smoke? Does she use a 
 spark arrester ? Is she a church member, and does her pastor smoke ? 
 Does she smoke? Is she near-sighted or cross-eyed, and are her dress- 
 ing-mirror lights globed or basketed ? Is she a match-maker, and is she 
 subject to 'em? Is she a cremationist ? Has she sparkling eyes, and 
 is she an heiress? (Does not seem to be hair-less.) Limit degree of 
 heat of curling irons and toilet chemicals to bay water and champagne, 
 and not more hazardous. Strike out lightning clause if steel hair-pins 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1883 
 
 are used, and make policy cease at death that is not good on hairs to 
 heirs in any hereafter place. Celluloid pins, back-combs, bang-sup- 
 porters, and other articles prohibited, and powder limited to twenty-five 
 pounds in metal packages. If any moral hazard or enemies, decline." 
 
 QUERY. 
 
 Should the cigars the adjuster smokes be charged in the expense ac- 
 count, or to loss by fire ? 
 
 A MERCED COUNTY DAY-BOOK. 
 
 The foiling is handed in by one of "ours," and goes to show with 
 what good things the Knapsack might be filled, if each of us would take 
 the pains to jot down the amusing part of his experiences : 
 
 DEAR Knapsack : I hand you some actual notes from the day-book 
 of a Merced county claimant, made while trying to arrive at his loss last 
 summer. He made a diary of daily experiences of this book, and of 
 which the following are a few extracts : 
 
 JUNE 2, 1882. 
 Mrs. Brown 
 
 10 yds. Calico $1.00 
 
 By 2 pds. Butter 50 
 
 Balance $ .50 
 
 Am going to Merced to a ball with Lena to-morrow night. 
 
 JUNE 4, 1882. 
 William Stevens 
 
 i pr. Boots #3.00 
 
 These boots came from the "United Workingmen's," at 'Frisco, and 
 give satisfaction all around. 
 Alex Whitman 
 
 i Jumper 87^ 
 
 Speaking of "jumpers," I took Lena to the ball last night, in my 
 new gig. Staid until 3 o'clock this morning. Had ice-cream and cake 
 at Johnnie Smith's. Cost 5oc. apiece. Charge expense account for whole 
 thing, $2.60. 
 
 Lucky I came home this morning; the sow littered last nignt 9 
 pigs, all boars. 
 
54 THE KNAPSACK 1883 
 
 JUNE 6TH. 
 Mary Anderson 
 
 i Box Hairpins .................................. $ . 10 
 
 i pr. Shoe-Strings ............................... 05 
 
 i pr. Drawers .................................. 1.15 
 
 i Dung Fork .................................... 3.50 
 
 $4-80 
 By 10 doz. Eggs ................................ 2.00 
 
 Balance .................................... $2.80 
 
 Thermometer 98. Old sow not doing well. 
 
 JUNE STH. 
 No sales to-day. 
 
 Lena came in this afternoon. Had a good time. Shall marry this 
 girl sure if things go on this way. Gave her a pair of garters. 
 
 Charge expense ................................. 15 
 
 JUNE IOTH. 
 Mrs. Allison 
 
 5 yds. sheeting .................................. $1.00 
 
 i pr. Shoes ...................................... 2.50 
 
 i Corset Lace ................................... 10 
 
 The old sow died last night. It was mournful to hear the poor pigs 
 lament the loss of their mother. 
 
 I have the honor, etc., 
 
 ONE OF THE RANK AND FILE. 
 
 [The Knapsack is pleased to announce that the above-mentioned 
 claimant has since married the girl.] 
 
 EMBARRASSING. 
 
 To bluff an assessor in a country town regarding a taxable valuation, 
 and be compelled to look the same man in the face a few days after, when 
 he is acting as adjuster for the company in which you are insured. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1883 55 
 
 A "BAR" STORY. 
 
 TT IMBER Jim Witherspoon was a character. Physically he was weak- 
 II ^ kneed, and hence his nickname; but mentally he stood pat on the 
 most astounding and intricate propositions. He prided himself 
 on a latent genius which did not find full scope for its exhibition in the 
 menial occupation of wood-sawing ; but he patiently bided the time when 
 "Limber Jim Witherspoon" should be a name that would awaken the 
 envy of the world. His time came. Having artistically arranged the 
 stove wood of the camp so that the usual proportion of sticks would be 
 just long enough to prevent the shutting of the stove-door unless they 
 were driven through the other end of the heating apparatus with a sledge, 
 he betook himself to the mountains, at the head of Grizzly Gulch, intent 
 upon chopping government timber for the benefit of his own private and 
 diminutive exchequer. The air was cold, and braced him up to that ex- 
 tent that he was compelled, in order to keep from freezing, to put more 
 energy into the building of his cabin than he had ever been accused of 
 before. Even the seams of his cheap clothing, entirely unaccustomed to 
 such antics, began to laugh as he plied his lusty strokes ; and so Jim 
 worked the harder. With death behind him, Jim could work. 
 
 That was a luxurious rest that he enjoyed as he spread his blankets 
 before the fire and watched the blaze roar up the chimney during the 
 week after the cabin was finished. He had not yet chopped any wood for 
 market; it was "too darnation cold," as he expressed it; and he "guessed 
 they'd have a chinook pretty soon," so that the weather would be fit for 
 a white man to stir around in. So, between his naps and his meals and 
 his day dreams, he "puttered" around inside the cabin, trying to make it 
 comfortable by the addition of such improvements as would commend 
 themselves to a man of his genteel predilections. One of the most indis- 
 pensable articles to a person of his tastes was a table ; and, as the roaring 
 fire had sufficiently thawed out the frozen floor of the cabin, he straight- 
 way dug the holes for the table legs. He wondered, now, if there might 
 not be some gold in the dirt that came out of those holes. It was still 
 awful cold outside, and he guessed it would be easier to stay inside and 
 experiment than to go outside and work. Of course he had a pan with 
 him (no outfit was, in those days, complete without one). Now, Jim was 
 one of the most "patient" men with his hands that was ever seen. 
 There was no nervousness, no hurry, and he seemed to be humming a 
 gentle lullaby to his pan as he sleepily moved it to and fro with a "go-to- 
 sleep-my-baby " motion, that now and then allowed a spoonful of amber- 
 colored water to slop over, but often didn't. 
 
5<5 THE KNAPSACK 1883 
 
 The next day was colder than ever, but Jim was out doors. All his 
 worldly possessions were on his back, and he was headed for town. The 
 " prospect " from the bed-post holes had confirmed the suspicion raised 
 by the table-leg holes that he was a rich man. He had in his pocket a 
 few grains of gold to prove his statement, that he had struck diggings 
 that would "go a bit to the pan." He did not, however, make his dis- 
 covery known upon his arrival in camp, but essayed his old occupation 
 of wood-sawing. To his dismay he found that during his absence his old 
 customers, unable to get along without the warning influences of the pro- 
 fanity which his long sticks promoted, had been hiring a swarm of China- 
 men that had come freezing with the last blizzard into camp. It was not 
 until the dust in his sack required a plentiful admixture of black sand in 
 order to make it hold out "four bits" that Jim became desperate and 
 appealed to his old employers and to his old associates to give their own 
 flesh and blood a chance. The result was that the Chinamen were "run 
 out" of town; and as Jim saw them winding their way along the Grizzly 
 Gulch trail that he had so recently traveled, he concluded that the 
 balance of that day should be set apart by him as a season of rest and 
 thanksgiving. But from that time on it was noted that Jim tried, in a for- 
 lorn hope sort of a way, to infuse more energy into his work than ever be- 
 fore; and when, at the close of winter, he engaged to " whack bulls" to 
 Fort Benton, it was surmised that it was something more than the usually 
 lonely plug of tobacco that swelled his off-pocket to its exceptionally 
 well-developed proportions. Fortunately the bulls of Jim's team had 
 been grazing on icicles all winter, so he had no difficulty in keeping up 
 with them, and he arrived at Fort Benton in time to work ; or, perhaps, 
 we should say, "wash" his way down the river as dish-cleaner on the 
 steamer Octavia. The June rise made the waters of the river thick with 
 mud, so that the sepia representations of cloud-bursts and murkey 
 weather generally, that appeared on Jim's "plaques" were generously 
 attributed to the mud, rather than to his laziness. So he was not thrown 
 overboard, but arrived at Yankton all right. Here he found more good 
 luck awaiting him. A considerable section of land which he had taken 
 up one day, several years before, when it was too hot to work, had 
 become very valuable, and he found himself at once in a position to put 
 into effect the scheme which he had kept secret in his breast ever since 
 the day when he had prospected in the table leg shaft. 
 
 It took some time to have his apparatus manufactured ; and it was 
 not until one year later that he was on his way up the Missouri River with 
 an iron pipe, a foot in diameter and a half a mile in length, with which, 
 when placed in a "V" shape, he proposed conducting the only available 
 water down one side of Grizzly Gulch and up the other, on to " Wither- 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1883 57 
 
 spoon's Bar." * * * * How his spurs jingled as he gave 
 his horse's bit an extra twitch while riding at the head of the bull train 
 bearing his "machinery" through the old camp where the buck-saw and 
 the accompanying horse, without a horse, were his familiars. On the 
 way up the gulch the occurrences of eighteen months before were recalled 
 by the appearance of a straggling band of Chinamen staggering along 
 under their heavy burdens. Were these ever his competitors? Well, 
 even if they were, that time was now passed forever ; and Jim eagerly 
 hastened forward to the turn in the gulch which should bring with him in 
 sight of his fortune. 
 
 A drizzling rain set in, and the night closed in thick and dark upon 
 him and his train earlier than they had anticipated. Still they pressed on, 
 for Jim was certain of his road, and knew that they would reach their 
 destination in a few rods more. Soon, however, the road became so 
 rough and rocky that they were compelled to halt and await the grey of 
 the morning before proceeding further. The morning came, and . for 
 once Jim was up before the sun. He found himself standing on a slip- 
 pery boulder, rubbing his eyes and gazing upon other slippery boulders 
 and rocks and gravel, wet with the rain of the previous night, that made 
 up a picture of monotonous desolation unrelieved save by the ruins of a 
 single cabin that seemed to have been only recently undermined and 
 toppled over by its last occupants. Little shelves and other conveniences 
 were still attached to the logs which formerly composed its sides, and, as 
 broke the day, so broke upon Jim's intellect the realization that he stood 
 upon what was left of " Witherspoon's Bar." 
 
 What became of him nobody knows. His gaunt outlines, with more 
 limber pace than ever, were last seen in bold relief against the morning 
 sun, as he passed over the " divide " to Hell Gate Canon. 
 
 Now, all this has nothing to do with insurance; but when the Knap- 
 sack told me yesterday that I must have something for its columns, I 
 thought of Limber Jim, who had his " field " all worked out " by hand " 
 by a lot of Chinamen, who utilized the waters from the melting snow, 
 while he was getting ready to do the work on a grand scale by the aid of 
 magnificent machinery ; and I wondered whether I could not make the 
 story fit the case of the insurance agent who wants a half column " ad " 
 in the village paper, a big sign, allowance for office rent, power to 
 appoint "subs," a bushel of blotters, and who never gets through want- 
 ing something before he gets ready to go to work. I will rely upon the 
 intelligence of the reader to trace the smile without a "diagram." 
 
5<$ THE KNAPSACK 1883 
 
 THE following rhythmetical sketch of what will occur to-morrow 
 night has been ground out by our poetic assistant ; and, in anticipation, 
 portrays the scene which will follow this feast of reason when the battle 
 of knives and forks begins. 
 
 IN MEMORIAM. 
 
 ANNUAL BANQUET, FEB. 2IST., 1882. 
 
 At " Dingeon's " when the sun was low, 
 All fiery was the kitchen's glow ; 
 And swift and savory was the flow 
 Of potage boiling rapidly. 
 
 But Dingeon saw another sight, 
 When the gong struck at seven that night, 
 Commanding jets of gas to light 
 The Pacific Fire fraternity. 
 
 Then rang the halls with orders given, 
 Then waiters rushed by " specials" driven; 
 And swifter than the bolts of Heaven 
 The ''boys" were seated merrily. 
 
 By host and waiters fast arrayed, 
 The "adjuster" drew his shining blade, 
 And, sans formality, made raid 
 On all in his vicinity. 
 
 The banquet deepens ! on ye brave ! 
 Fear not dyspepsia or the grave ; 
 Wave Leon, all thy napkins wave, 
 
 And "charge" with strict impunity. 
 
 Ah ! all must part, though many meet ; 
 But months roll round with flying feet ; 
 And thus again we hope to greet 
 Our seventh anniversary. 
 
 A CASE OF ARSON. 
 
 About midnight, not many months ago, the clanging of the fire alarm 
 bell and the ruddy emblazoning of the fog overhead, called the citizens of 
 Gilroy from their beds. 
 
 Breathless and hurriedly they gathered from all points, and while some 
 did service in the way of aiding to remove a $400 stock from the locality 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1883 
 
 describing a $1,500 policy, others resolved themselves into the invariable 
 "standing committee" on the sidewalk. As one small group of the 
 numerous body was conversing about the peculiarity of the matter and of 
 the many suspicious attending circumstances, one of the party said, in a 
 manner showing he was in earnest, "Well, I'm satisfied that's an incendi- 
 ary fire." 
 
 This seemed to be a safe proposition, but somehow did not exactly 
 meet the exigencies of the case in the mind of a rough-looking stranger 
 near by, who excitedly broke out with the exclamation, "Incendiary be 
 d d; somebody set it afire!" 
 
 WHAT'S THE USE? 
 
 'TpHE Knapsack has proportions large enough and capacity ample 
 
 Jl enough, not to be compelled to turn its microscopic eye in every 
 
 direction to see things as they are. The real knapsack is essential 
 
 to the soldier, and the old soldier is a constitutional growler ; ergo, the 
 
 California Knapsack has its growl. 
 
 What's the use of our getting together here semi-occcasionally, un- 
 less some good comes of all this preparation this grouping of the 
 thoughts and ideas that bother us during the year. What's the use of one 
 writing and reading his paper here unless something results from it ? 
 
 We'll listen to the emanations of our Pope on "Local Agents" to- 
 day, and, at the risk of excommunication, whip the devil around the 
 stump in some way so as to steal our neighbor's best agent to-morrow. 
 
 Chalmers will tell us what he thinks about the best way of a.-Dornin 
 our policies with proper forms ; and then some smart Aleck will sneak in 
 a permission in a policy covering a frame dwelling, so that a horse and 
 cow may be kept in the basement. 
 
 Despite the advice given us by our Clark on "Losses and Adjust- 
 ments," you're pretty apt to go right out and adjust your loss to suit 
 yourself and apply the rule that works the best for you in the apportion- 
 ment when it comes to contributing to paying under a non-concurrent 
 policy, or dividing the expenses of a mutually contested case. 
 
 Mitchell tells us what articles should be considered Staples when it 
 comes to "Legislation and Taxation"; and then somebody will advise 
 trotting the "sack "up to Sacramento to stay the onslaught of Solons 
 who know more about whiskey straight than valued policies ; more about 
 draw-poker than equitable taxation ; of ward clubs than re-insurance ; 
 representatives who talk and vote, vote early and vote often, returning to 
 their constituents with a calm complacency of a duty well performed, and 
 brag of how they cinched the insurance companies. 
 
60 THE KNAPSACK 1883 
 
 Our chairman of the committee on fire department and water supply, 
 he of the sepulchral name but genial features, who believes in live issues 
 and not those requiring the attention of a Sexton, gives you new ideas of 
 the subject, and how we bleed ourselves to pay for the services of a fire 
 patrol that the dear public may reap an unrequited benefit ; and at the 
 next meeting of the Board the assessment comes in and is paid without a 
 murmur. 
 
 We find it a Cole day for "Statistics" when he and Bailey get down 
 to real warm work in the matter; and yet you go on writing up 
 "Specials" and bob-tail ranges with a comfort only based in the big 
 premiums they represent. 
 
 Our library evinces the Spenceri<m system of getting volumes in great 
 profusion without cost to the Association, which is heartily to be com- 
 mended, but only results in our being possessed of a nice case of books, 
 but seldom referred to, and is mainly advantageous in enabling us to say, 
 "we have the finest insurance library on the Coast." 
 
 Grant, the President, has told you about "bringing good into the 
 business," and gives all kinds of fatherly advice; and yet you'll pounce 
 on a North British or German- American risk next week and laugh with 
 glee as the genial George stands aghast at your effrontery. 
 
 We listen to good advice about excessive commissions ruining the 
 business, and then some fair-faced philanthropist will issue a 10 per ct. 
 city policy through a 20 per ct. Oakland agency, and beat the best of us. 
 
 We're jolly good friends, and the best of business enemies ; there's 
 many a way to skin a cat past finding out ; and so the Knapsack con- 
 cludes as it began, Whaf s the use ? 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1884 61 
 
 EDITORIAL, 1884. C. MASON KINNE. 
 
 CIRCULAR. 
 
 EDITORIAL ROOMS, 422 CALIFORNIA STREET, 
 
 SAN FRANCISCO, January 18, 1884. 
 
 DEAR SIR The Knapsack seems to have become a permanent 
 institution and almost a matter of necessity. This result has been 
 brought about by the valor displayed by those who have contributed to 
 its contents again proving the pen mightier than the sword. You are 
 graciously permitted to know, however, that another engagement is im- 
 pending, and the Knapsack expects every man to do his duty. 
 
 Some of you are like the old flint-lock musket; a good deal of 
 promise, but plenty of flash-in-the-pan. We are using the needle gun 
 now, breech-loader and central fire, and while no ammunition will be 
 wasted, we can utilize an almost unlimited quantity. We want quick, 
 sharp and decisive reports. 
 
 Very earnestly yours, 
 
 C. MASON KINNE, Editor. 
 
 EDITORIAL. 
 
 Our exordium for the first issue of Volume V is not to be long. We 
 have simply to say that this number is worth reading, and that is enough. 
 The time has gone by when the editor was worried about copy ; he now 
 only has to fret about whose effusions he shall consider the least avail- 
 ableall of which is just as it should be, as it is a feature of our broad- 
 gauge organization, one which has representatives of all the varied 
 species of the genus insurance. So, within the protecting flap of our 
 Knapsack, we find articles of all kinds, useful and ornamental, some 
 emanating from those who believe in that mainstay and bulwark of the 
 profession, the Pacific Coast Board; some from representatives of the 
 compact and energetic California Board ; and others from those who 
 belong to the free lances of the business, and float along on the troub- 
 lous sea of insurance without any board at all. All have ideas and 
 thoughts regarding matters of mutual interest, and what they cannot 
 express in reports of committees and on the floor, find nooks in our 
 commodious and weather-beaten Knapsack, where we file away anec- 
 dotes, suggestions, and such other supplies as seems proper. 
 
62 THE KNAPSACK 1884 
 
 The commanding officer who plans and manages the interminable 
 battle of business and indemnity as a whole, can here meet his own and 
 other field and line officers, and give his notions about how the fight may 
 be bettered in some important detail. The officer of the day the 
 special who unexpectedly visits the outposts in mountains and valleys, 
 and gives the well known countersign "business" to those in charge of 
 the picket line, comes home with a personal knapsack stored with 
 information, and here gives to all such of his experiences as he thinks 
 may bring some good into the business. The adjuster, who quietly con- 
 veys himself as a scout into the camp of the enemy, who may have been 
 playing havoc with the supplies which have been figuring as assets, 
 returns and reports to his chief, and can now give to us some episode or 
 new idea from which all may gain a point. 
 
 The divisions of the great army, all fighting in the same cause, are 
 commanded and officered by those between whom there is a natural and 
 proper rivalry as to who shall win the brightest laurels, but who meet 
 here and give each other good advice, strengthen their line of battle, and 
 harmonize non-concurrent essentials. 
 
 Thus we gather them in, and the Knapsack fulfills its part in the good 
 work. Here you have the emanations from our brothers, who don't give 
 their names, and who sometimes hit a blow that hurts, but never below 
 the belt. They help us to get our second wind, and sometimes talk so 
 much like themselves that you can put your finger on the writer and 
 make no mistake. 
 
 And now let me say that if any one feels aggrieved because his sup- 
 ply of ammunition was not thought to be of the right caliber by the officer 
 in charge, let him report to us after the meeting, and holding ourselves 
 entirely and solely responsible, will then give any and all satisfaction he 
 may demand. THE EDITOR. 
 
 GOOD ADVICE. 
 
 " Mr. B., I vould like to speak mit you brivately." 
 
 "All right, come into my back office." 
 
 "Mr. B., you know my store vas burned?" 
 
 "Yes; so I have been informed. What can I do for you?" 
 
 "Veil, I vant your ad wise on diss point: Sol V. says I burned dat 
 store, and Sam V. says he can brove it. Now, vat you dinks I had bet- 
 ter do?" 
 
 "Well, if Sol asserts it and Sam proves it, you will be in a h 1 of a 
 fix." 
 
 "Veil, I dinks so, too. Dot is good adwise, and I acts on it." 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1884 63 
 
 THE COUNTRY AGENT'S LAMENT. 
 
 BY D. M. B. 
 
 ' Twas a pleasant day in the month of June, 
 A beautiful, sunny afternoon, 
 When, as I had often done before, 
 I sat on the porch of my country store. 
 The farmers were all at work afield 
 Preparing to reap the summer's yield ; 
 My family were all away 
 Out in the country to spend the day ; 
 So, being alone, with nothing to do, 
 And no hope of trade for an hour or two, 
 I sat me down in the open air, 
 Lit my pipe and tipped back my chair, 
 The very picture of content, 
 And so a short half-hour I spent. 
 But a sudden pause came in my dream, 
 For a man drove up with a double team, 
 And, jumping out, he seized my hand, 
 Saying, "You're Mr. Jones, I understand; 
 And from what your neighbors say to me, 
 You're just the man I want to see. 
 I'm the special of the world-renowned 
 Owl Fire Insurance Co., known all round 
 As the strongest company, take it all in all, 
 That ever was formed on this earthly ball. 
 Now, I want you to take our agency, 
 For I know it must be satisfactory ; 
 Fifteen per cent, commission we pay, 
 And I'll put up a sign this very day." 
 He didn't give me even time to think, 
 But rushed me in and took a drink ; 
 Nailed up a sign, ere I could turn round, 
 Jumped into his wagon and was off with a bound. 
 Alas for me ! ' twas an evil hour 
 When I put myself in that man's power; 
 For ever since then I've been overrun 
 With specials who did just as he had done. 
 They have covered with signs the front of my store ; 
 I expect soon they '11 nail them across the door. 
 There are American, English, German, and Greek, 
 
64 THE KNAPSACK 1884 
 
 Some whose names I can scarcely speak ; 
 
 From the Cannibal Islands even are some, 
 
 And I know not from where next they'll come. 
 
 Each one confidentially says to me 
 
 That my commission still more shall be ; 
 
 What once was large, now seems too small, 
 
 And I think they may end by allowing me all. 
 
 One says, "We pay losses when the fire is done," 
 
 Another, "We pay when it has just begun." 
 
 One will give credit for half the year, 
 
 Another says, " Pay when renewal is near." 
 
 At New Year comes a clock, a knife, 
 
 A "chromo," a breastpin for my wife. 
 
 I have scarcely room to eat or sleep, 
 
 For my rooms are covered six feet deep 
 
 With calendars, blotters, cards and blanks. 
 
 And letter paper to write my thanks ; 
 
 One far-seeing company sent to me 
 
 Diaries for 1893. 
 
 I live in a state of constant fear 
 
 Lest some new Special may appear, 
 
 And I've made up my mind if a single one, 
 
 From any company under the sun, 
 
 E'er sets his foot in my store again, 
 
 I'll throw up the whole thing there and then ; 
 
 I'll shovel the trash right out of the door, 
 
 And return to peace and content once more. 
 
 RUNNING A LOCAL BOARD IN MONTANA. 
 
 Smith, Brown & Co., bankers, represented the Grizzly Bear and the 
 Unicorn insurance companies in a small Montana town, but the town not 
 being rated, the general agents at Helena carried off all the good 
 risks at lower rates than S. B. & Co. were allowed to write at. The 
 special of the American Eagle, seeking food for the noble bird, called on 
 the above firm, and found Smith, the local manager of the firm, grum- 
 bling because of losing his town business, and wanting to get out of a 
 business that he could not be protected in, nor compete with others. 
 Mr. Special suggested a local board and rating the town. Mr. Smith 
 answered, "No other agent in town, and no one to make an agent of." 
 Mr. Special suggested that Mr. Smith take the American Eagle, and 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1884 65 
 
 Smith, Brown & Co. having the Grizzly Bear and Unicorn, Smith, and 
 Smith, Brown & Co. could form a board. This was agreed to, a board 
 formed, the town rated and rates printed. Mr. Special put the rates on 
 frames pretty well up, particularly on a nice risk in a log building, which 
 was fixed at 7 per cent. This risk was written before the end of a year 
 by Smith, Brown & Co. in the Grizzly Bear at 6 per cent. Mr. Secretary 
 found by the special rating that it should be 7 per cent., and sent back 
 orders to raise to 7 per cent, or cancel at once. Upon receipt of the 
 order, Mr. Smith referred it to the special of the Unicorn, who happened 
 along that day, who pronounced the rate 6 per cent, a good rate, and 
 suggested that the board meet and reduce to 6 per cent. Acting on this 
 hint, Smith immediately wrote to secretary "that the board met and re- 
 duced the rate to 6 per cent" X. 
 
 THE FINE OULD UNDERWRITING BOARD. 
 
 I'll tell you a fine ould shtory, which I'll aither sing or spake, 
 
 Of a fine ould Underwriting Board which for all the Pacific Coast the 
 insurance rates did make, 
 
 Except for some, like H. & M., who always thought they could afford a 
 little less to take, 
 
 And who got lots of business by this same token, much to the dissatis- 
 faction of others on the strate. 
 
 Yet this fine ould Underwriting Board was one of the rale ould shtock. 
 
 So the Phoenix bird that has its Home with Arthur E. Magill, 
 
 Rose from its ashes, crowed, cock-a-doodle-do, and said, I never will 
 
 See Oakland dwellings filling up some other rooster's crop 
 
 At SQC. when at 45 they'd add plazin' variety to me special hazard diet ; 
 
 so from off this board I'll hop 
 From this fine ould Underwriting Board however ould its shtock. 
 
 Now, this kind of progress by the bird some thought a fou(w)l pro- 
 
 ceedin' 
 
 In fact, the flop gave such a shock, the board commenced a-teeterin' 
 Until it looked, indeed, as if its balance it would lose 
 And fall down and break into smithereens, and lave nothin' for a single 
 
 chick of us to stand upon but mud wid the corn tramped down into 
 
 it so dape we'd all be shtarvin' wid the blues 
 Did this fine ould Underwriting Board, all of the good ould shtock. 
 
66 THE KNAPSACK 1884 
 
 This might have been our plight to bad had not a friend Teutonic, 
 
 With Easton and ten companies, jumped on just as the other hopped off 
 from it, 
 
 And so helped Staples in the middle to keep his seat, 
 
 Thereby restorin' the equilibrium, and lavin' us happy as could be con- 
 siderin' we see so many chicks gettin' fat below, and so much corn 
 rollin' off the board that we don't have half enough to eat 
 
 Off this good ould Underwriting Board, all of the good ould shtock. 
 
 So this fine ould Board is not broken up just yit in two, 
 
 But if 't had more on it, 'twouldn't be half so likely to warp up or to 
 
 split, but be just as good as new, 
 
 And ye'd all get your corn nice and clane, and lots more of it too, 
 And not be fightin' and pullin' and turnin' a pacable poultry yard, 
 
 figuratively spakin', into a roarin' cock-pit, if you 
 Would join this Underwriting Board, made of good ould shtock. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1885 67 
 
 EDITORIAL, 1885. C. MASON KINNE. 
 
 CIRCULAR. 
 
 EDITORIAL ROOMS, 422 CALIFORNIA STREET, 
 
 SAN FRANCISCO, January 30, 1885. 
 
 To the Officers and Members of the " ist California Underwriters" 
 
 GENTLEMEN Those of you that are not on the sick list, are ex- 
 pected to provide supplies for the Knapsack without delay. You know 
 what is needed, and it would be useless to suggest to old campaigners 
 like yourselves ; but as the undersigned has to provide transportation, it is 
 quietly hinted that we would like to know by the loth prox. just about 
 how much hard-tack we shall have to haul. 
 
 It will depend largely on yourselves as to how the provisions hold 
 out when on the march ; and we promise to properly care for all supplies 
 sent us. 
 
 EDITORIAL. 
 
 At the time of the writing of this article, the turning up of the flap of 
 our Knapsack reveals a yawning breadth and a cavernous depth of 
 nothingness. But we have sent out our order for copy, and will say a few 
 words and then lay them carefully away at the bottom of our commodious 
 receptacle, as a nest-egg which shall soon be increased by the outpour- 
 ings from many a fertile brain and facile pen. 
 
 We say this with a certain degree of confidence, as the Knap- 
 sack has become a feature, if not a power, in our Association. We have 
 solid meats served up to us by the various committees at this our annual 
 feast of reason, but the Knapsack furnishes the salad and the dessert that 
 renders the regular courses more palatable, and now and then pops in 
 with a flow of sparkling fluid that makes the still wines of useful and 
 labored addresses all the more palatable. Add to this the aroma and 
 bouquet of spicy anecdotes, and what more can be wished? 
 
 Of course, there may be a little of egotism in all this ; but as the 
 fledgling of six years ago has shed its pin-feathers and is now fully arrayed 
 in all the panoply of adult plumage, and as we propose to turn over our 
 sanctum, our quill, and all our right, title and interest in the plant and 
 
68 THE KNAPSACK 1885 
 
 profits of the Knapsack at the close of this volume to some fresher and 
 abler man, we may at least be permitted this little expiring cackle. 
 
 But really, we have done some good with this frayed, aged and well- 
 creased receptacle. We have increased our capital brains by the 
 emanations from others, and have gotten many good ideas evolved by 
 those who never would have dared to start in on a regular essay over 
 their real and true name. We have asked, " What's the use?" of doing 
 certain things; and you have replied. We have admonished you, 
 " Don't forget!" and some at least have borne in mind the good things 
 suggested. We have given an opportunity for those not regularly ap- 
 pointed on committees to be heard from annually, and we think the 
 result has been, that all along the line some good has been brought into 
 the business. 
 
 A SLEEPY AFFAIR. 
 
 "The Knapsack without its K." 
 
 This is intended as a joke on the editor. 
 
 A STRONG ARGUMENT A FACT. 
 
 A San Francisco general agency office having received word from one 
 of its local agents at quite a distant point of the total loss of one of its 
 risks, mailed the local a blank form of "Proof of Loss," and instructed 
 him to adjust the matter. The form of the policy covered items as fol- 
 lows, viz. : $350 on frame building ; $350 on stock of wines, liquors, and 
 cigars, and $50 on barroom and household furniture. 
 
 When the proofs were received at the San Francisco office, it was 
 shown that the loss under each of the items considerably exceeded the 
 insurance on same. But the local explained he was able to make a 
 salvage of $50, as he had found out that a week or so before the fire 
 occurred, the assured had sold a bedstead and the bedding belonging 
 thereto, for the sum of just fifty dollars ; and even though the loss on bar- 
 room and household furniture amounted to $150, he thought the $50 the 
 assured had received from the sale of his bed was as good as the com- 
 pany's $50, for which it insured his furniture. The assured had but lately 
 received $50 for furniture. W T hat difference did it make to him, whether 
 he received it from one source or another? He had his money; what 
 more did he want? The local so argued to himself; then to the assured, 
 and what is more, convinced him ! 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1885 69 
 
 THE STORY OF THE ENCHANTED LAKE. 
 
 AWAY up North, in the wilds of Washington Territory, where the 
 people live and wax fat on the products of the skill and energy 
 displayed by insurance companies in picking up premiums in 
 other parts of the world to distribute among them ; situated in a desert of 
 alkali sand, where nothing animate is seen except occasionally a jackass 
 rabbit or a cayuse pony, is located a dark and dismal looking lake. It is 
 a little lake, but its depth is yet unfathomed. Dark volcanic rocks lie in 
 wild confusion upon its precipitous banks, as though at some time giants 
 had hurled them from some mountain height. It is remote from towns 
 and little visited by whites. The Indians avoid it because an evil spirit 
 dwells there. Space will not permit me to relate the terrible legend con- 
 nected with this lake, but I know the legend is right in one respect the 
 devil 's in the lake. 
 
 I was adjusting a loss in the little town of C . The assured 
 
 and myself could not agree. He wanted $1,100. I was willing to pay 
 $100. He wanted it badly, and stuck out long and valiantly. I told him 
 country life agreed with me, and I would stay a week or two with him. 
 He was a nice man. He said he enjoyed my society, and would try and 
 make it pleasant for me. He proposed going hunting. I borrowed a 
 handsome shot-gun, and the next morning he hitched up his team and 
 we started. Now, I was not a gun sharp. I had not hunted since I was 
 a boy, and then only such game as old sledge, euchre and rounce, and 
 I didn't expect to kill more than one or two ducks. We arrived at 
 the hunting ground on the shore of this desolate lake "The Devil's 
 Lake." My friend had filled me full of stories about this lake : said that 
 the water was enchanted, etc. But I didn't feel at all alarmed, for I 
 thought it was a mighty poor adjuster that couldn't stave off any spirit 
 that lived on water. I started up one side of the lake, my friend the 
 other side. Ducks were abundant. I killed two the first shot the first 
 ducks I had ever killed. I was wild with excitement. I didn't wait to 
 get them out of the water ; thought I would wait until I came back. I 
 continued to kill ducks and left them in the water. 
 
 After I had killed a thousand ducks, I became tired of the slaughter, 
 and concluded to return and pick up my ducks on the way back, but 
 being tired and thirsty, I took a drink of water from the lake, and as it 
 was enchanted water, I thought I would let spirit fight spirit, and so 
 diluted it with a little fine old whisky from my flask. Almost immedi- 
 ately after drinking, a delightful feeling of rest came over me, and I sat 
 down to enjoy it ; but suddenly I was alarmed by a most terrific vision. 
 The clear sky became darkened. Long peals of thunder seemed to 
 
70 THE KNAPSACK 1885 
 
 shake the earth ; the vivid lightning rent the clouds into a thousand frag- 
 ments. The quiet waters of the lake were lashed into a seething foam, 
 and from its surface arose the thousand ducks I had killed, and as they 
 arose they changed into demons, and, leading this wonderful throng was 
 a gigantic form whose hideousness no pen can describe. I will not 
 attempt to describe him, as you are all more or less familiar with him. 
 It was the devil. He approached me, and in tones that made every hair 
 on my head stand on end, said: "Why have you come here to disturb 
 my rest and kill my people? Who are you? Know you not the fate 
 which awaits the rash mortal who trespasses here? You will be dragged 
 into this lake and turned into a little devil!" "I beg your majesty's 
 pardon," I stammered, "I didn't know your highness was so near. I am 
 only a poor adjuster " I did not get any further. His majesty's face 
 underwent a sudden change, and he looked quite an amiable fiend. "Why 
 didn't you say so before," he said; "I am always glad to meet one of 
 your profession. I respect ability, and you are the only fellow that can 
 stand off my best subjects on earth. I am sorry that I cannot ask you to 
 spend a few days with me in my country seat, but I hold this part of my 
 domain under a pretty good contract, and I fear that if one of your 
 adjusters get hold of it, you will find that I have violated some of the con- 
 ditions, turn me out and run the business yourself. Don't be too hard on 
 my friends. Good-by," and he suddenly disappeared. The thunder and 
 lightning ceased, the darkness disappeared. All nature was again at 
 peace. I looked for my gun it had disappeared. I walked back over 
 the road that I had come looking for my ducks. Not a duck, dead or 
 alive was to be seen. I finally found my friend waiting for me. He had 
 a wagon load of ducks. He laughed at my story, said that I had been 
 asleep, that I hadn't shot any ducks, that some tramp had stolen my gun. 
 When I got back to town, there was a great deal of "treating." I paid 
 for it. I paid the owner of the gun $45. As there was an adjuster's clause 
 in my friend's policy, he saw the joke when we settled. The owner of 
 the gun paid me the $45 back, said he had another one and didn't want to 
 be mean. 
 
 If any adjuster should have to travel in that part of the country, I 
 would advise him not to rely too much upon my experience, for they have 
 had so much experience up there of late that they are able to stand off 
 most any adjuster, and his majesty therefore might have lost his respect 
 for the profession. I don't imagine that any friend of mine will think 
 otherwise than I do. I don't think I was asleep. I know I killed 1,000 
 ducks. I don't think my friend stole my gun and ducks. I think that 
 lake is haunted. Up to that eventful day, I saw no reason to be glad that 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1885 7; 
 
 I was an adjuster, but I am satisfied that if I had been anything else, there 
 would have been, on that occasion, the very d 1 to pay. 
 
 A "STAR COMBINATION" CONUNDRUM. 
 
 What prominent hotel risk would properly be "star rated," if the 
 rules of the Pacific Board attached in New York? The Astor-risk. 
 
 A YOUNG ADJUSTER'S POINTS. 
 
 In one of those towns up yonder, which burn with such regularity 
 that I always pack my grip-sack on the third Monday in June, I met a 
 special who gave me more of joy than I had experienced in thirty-six 
 months, for he said a new thing a funny thing and to this day he 
 knows not that it is so, which is the best of all. 
 
 It was thuswise : For reasons of importance it was necessary tp re- 
 duce the builder's estimate to the minimum. Hence each item was 
 scanned, examined and talked about to that extent that the worthy con- 
 tractor gave signs of rising irritation. 
 
 Window-glass was under discussion, when suddenly my special gave 
 a start, his eyes bulged out, he gasped for breath, and in a tragic voice 
 exclaimed : 
 
 1 ' Glazier's points ? fifty cents ? FIFTY CENTS ? ? ? Why, my dear 
 sir, any glazier would be perfectly willing to give you all the information 
 you require for nothing! ' ' 
 
 A SPECIMEN WITNESS IN AN ARSON CASE. 
 
 An adjuster holding an inquest on the stove-pipes, nails, door-locks 
 and hinges, iron hooks, tin cans, and other fire-proof remains of a cow- 
 boy town in New Mexico during the lively times of 1882, learned that a 
 valuable witness a deputy sheriff, who knew all about the fire and the 
 parties who started it, who was cow-ranching a few miles out would be 
 in town that evening, and as such a chance to get out of paying a loss 
 was not to be missed, Mr. Adjuster laid for him, and a little after dusk 
 found his man, who was fixed with a big pistol on each hip and a half 
 bottle of whisky in his bosom, his appearance and gait leaving no doubt 
 as to the disposition of the other half of the bottle of whisky. 
 
 An adjournment to the plaza, away from eavesdroppers, was neces- 
 sary, and, after patiently listening to a little of everything except evidence 
 in relation to the fire, and being a little nervous, Mr. Adjuster said: 
 
72 THE KNAPSACK 1885 
 
 "Mr. Sheriff, your testimony might be of some use before a vigilance 
 committee, but would not do in court. You know enough of court pro- 
 ceedings to understand this." " Know enough of coiyt proceedings," 
 said the would-be witness ; "I guess I do. I was tried for murder three 
 times in this county." 
 
 Mr. Adjuster's heart came up in his throat, and inviting the witness 
 to the nearest saloon to take a parting nip, quietly and gently let go of 
 him, paid a total loss and retired in good order. 
 
 A MIGHTY NIMROD. 
 
 TT T IS not often we get an opportunity to repay the pensive proprietor 
 11 of the Coast Review for the many little attentions of a personal 
 nature scattered like "chips" through the columns of his journal. 
 It is with pleasure at the originality of the sensation, also with good 
 natural liberality, that I give away the incident which comes at second 
 hand, but is high. 
 
 Listen ! In the season for rest and recreation he fled from business 
 cares to the mountains. Loaded to the muzzle with traps, he went off 
 discharged himself so to speak his aim, amusement, heaven save the 
 mark! 
 
 In due course of time those of us who knew him least, were startled 
 to hear of his deadly use of the rifle. We knew of his " game" hand, 
 also his skillful use of the tomahawk, but were surprised to hear that 
 each day he brought to the camp the body of a fine deer, each deer shot 
 through the heart by a single ball. Old hunters sought him out. Lady 
 campers from other springs came to gaze at him. Newspapers made 
 mention of it. The members of his favorite club dined on venison sent 
 with his compliments. In short, with modest pride he consented to be 
 the hero of the hour. Here the story ends to make way for facts. 
 
 Last spring an overworked special was told by his doctor to ' ' let 
 up," or die. He preferred to die, but was persuaded to seek the balsam 
 of the redwoods. Here he found a trout stream and an old woodsman. 
 His winsome ways won that woodman's soul; one day in a burst of 
 remorseful grief the woodsman confided to him his one great sin which 
 like the worm in the bud gnawed ever at his heart, and like a deep toned 
 bell rang ever in his ear, de-ceit-de-ceit-de-ceit. This was the story: 
 Once upon a time dazed by the sight of gold, his scruples overcome by 
 the sweet voice of the tempter, in an evil hour, after vain spasms of 
 resistance, he fell. Each day for five successive days at a secure hour he 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1885 
 
 brought to the wily stranger the dead body of a deer, each deer shot 
 through the heart, and for this act he received the gold which ever since 
 had been to him a curse. Faintly breathing the great journalist's name, 
 the woodsman fell into a deep swoon. Suffice it to say the special agent 
 by the power vested him by his sacred calling, absolved the man and 
 parting bade him go and sin no more. It is now brother Edwards' turn to 
 "chip" or "pass the buck." 
 
 RABBIT-STEW A LA FARNSWORTH. 
 
 'Twas way up in the mountains, and the sun was pouring down, 
 
 While tree and bush were quivering as the over-heated ground 
 
 Reflected back the fervency of Nature's strong caress, 
 
 And the youthful green of spring had assumed its summer dress ; 
 
 When a group of sweltering specials came swinging down the road 
 
 Mid clouds of dust and rattling wheels. 'Twas an awful silent load ; 
 
 Their gems of thought and jokes had risen with the sun, 
 
 Been offered to each other with an interspersing pun, 
 
 Till everybody tired of the almost ceaseless chatter, 
 
 And the wheels were left to roll with never-ending clatter. 
 
 Some miles were traversed thus, and we all were getting crusty, 
 
 The horses getting wearied, and everything quite dusty, 
 
 When a pair of cotton-tails came jumping from the brush, 
 
 And darted 'cross the road with kangaroo-like rush. 
 
 A shout from all in chorus was followed by request 
 
 That Ned should pull his shooter and prove to all the rest 
 
 That his early-morning boast of steadiness of aim, 
 
 Was not an emanation from his ever active brain. 
 
 The team was stopped instanter and out he quickly stepped, 
 
 While cotton-tail sat quiet as closer up Ned crept ; 
 
 Then halted, raised his arm and accurate he drew 
 
 A bead on little rabbit. We all wanted rabbit-stew 
 
 To add to the lunch in waiting at the famous " Boston Ranch," 
 
 So hardly dared to breathe, or any more than glance. 
 
 The silence grew intense, till the pistol loudly popped 
 
 The rabbit gave a kick ; his further ear he flopped ; 
 
 But never moved his body from the bloodless scene of slaughter, (?) 
 
 While we fortified ourselves with another drink of water. 
 
 We offered some to Ned, for mounting to his brow 
 
 We saw the deadly purpose it's never or it's now; 
 
 But gracefully declining, he pointed Smith and Wesson 
 
74 THE KNAPSACK 1885 
 
 At foolish Mr. Rabbit, who should be taught the lesson 
 
 That only he who kicks and smartly runs away, 
 
 May ever live to kick upon some other day. 
 
 Again we held our breath ; again did Snyder shout, 
 
 As the living target winked and simply turned about, 
 
 Till the cottony appendage which giveth it the name, 
 
 Gleamed in all its splendor, and like the glowing flame 
 
 Of deceptive ignis fatuus, led our marksman on once more, 
 
 To try another shot and drench the ground with gore. 
 
 Again the echoes sounded from the foothills lying shimmering ; 
 
 Again the sun looked down; hot, and hotter glimmering; 
 
 Again the rabbit kicked ; again did all look sad, 
 
 For cotton-tail had skipped. The words Ned said were bad 
 
 As he reluctantly got in and we started on the team ; 
 
 For we knew it all had happened ; he thought it was a dream. 
 
: 
 
 
 THE KNAPSACK 1886 75 
 
 EDITORIAL 1886. GEO. F. GRANT. 
 
 EDITORIAL. 
 
 IN presenting to you the contents of the Knapsack at this tenth 
 annual meeting, I am depressed by the solemnity of the wit and 
 humor therein contained, which is but partly relieved by the fun 
 of the pathos interspersed through its pages. How true it is that experi- 
 ence alone can surely teach. 
 
 From a cheering notion that the position of editor on a paper like the 
 Knapsack was one of pleasant relaxation and profitable enjoyment, I have 
 learned to regard it as a trap for the unwary, where, having become en- 
 tangled, one can make a free spectacle for the curious gaze, only 
 "breaking out" by means of a cold perspiration, and thus by the sweat 
 of his face earn his freedom. 
 
 What's in a name? A Knapsack by any other name would be as 
 melancholy; yet have I thought the "Gripsack" a more appropriate title, 
 for from such a traveled article have I taken these choice contributions 
 during the last twelve months, and in every quarter of the Pacific Coast 
 have I struggled with them, pounding them into shape for your delecta- 
 tion, disguising them with what ingenuity I could, that the Commission of 
 Lunacy in its official capacity might pass the matter without finding a true 
 bill. Whatever you may find of a painful nature, kindly consider it the 
 work of the editor, but if by chance you meet a chestnut still in the burr, 
 that, dear reader, is a "contribution." 
 
 When you stop to think, (provided you do not evolve ideas while in 
 motion) this Pacific Coast presents a most alluring cover for an under- 
 writer. Insurance is an out of door business, ours is an out of door 
 climate. For seven and thirty years our Coast reputation has lived on air 
 (barring mineral), within that time insurance people have waxed fat and 
 lazy over easily acquired net surplus, also the result of wind. We are 
 superior to our more Southern neighbors, who are popularly supposed to 
 distort facts in the morning and lie in the shade of an afternoon, but all 
 the same we are the most brotherly lot of antagonists extant. 
 
 It cannot be denied that the march of civilization, including the influx 
 of insurance talent from the Atlantic, has disturbed our semi-tropical 
 habits, although they have made it warm enough for us in all conscience, 
 
76 THE KNAPSACK 1886 
 
 while as a direct result, low rates and increasing fires have rendered it red 
 hot, with an ever rising thermometer ; you will find this more elaborately 
 stated in the annual statistical chart. 
 
 But in spite of all opposition, good nature and modesty will charac- 
 terize insurance people on the Coast for some years. Our modesty is but 
 half understood. It is this quality which prevents the solicitor from being 
 a bore ; it also impels the assured to yield lest he wound the sensitive 
 nature of the broker. It is modesty which calls a halt to this editorial. 
 
 OH! FELLERS, OH! FELLERS, SOLDIERS! SOLDIERS!! 
 
 EDITOR Knapsack I received your order for supplies, and I have 
 tried to think what I could do or say that would result in filling an accept- 
 able corner of your voluminous receptacle. 
 
 I have tried, tried hard, but it seems to be of no use. I have plenty 
 of fixed ammunition, but I can't seem to make it fit your bore. My 
 calibre is too small for the Knapsack's blunderbuss, and I don't want to 
 have it scatter too much. 
 
 Again, too, the knapsack, properly speaking, is a useful receptacle 
 for more things than are intended to comfort and make pleasant the life 
 of a campaigner. But, are you, Mr. Editor, aware that it is one of the 
 first things he throws aside when he is tired and worn, and every ounce 
 weighs a pound. Yes, the knapsack, with all its odds and ends, its relics 
 of early comforts and necessities of army life ; its remembrances of home, 
 its bible and pack of cards, its pins and pills, its threads and plasters, all 
 have to go before the reliable haversack is thought too heavy. Yet, when 
 on a long tramp, and rations are getting short for you have eaten them 
 you look about for further useless encumbrances, then what goes? Why, 
 that greasy old friend which smells of sow-belly and coffee, with its few 
 crumbs of hard tack and grains of sugar, is quietly chucked into the 
 nearest fence corner, and on you plod with blistered feet and ponderous 
 musket, wishing that night or the enemy might cause the dusty ranks to 
 halt. 
 
 But on you go, with bending back and sweating brow, and at every 
 swing the cadence of your personal route-step is relieved by the rhyth- 
 mical pressure of a faithful companion that is almost a caress in its cling- 
 ing and lingering contact. It is your old canteen, that has been a solace 
 and a joy forever ; rusty, musty, battered and worn, it is faithful unto the 
 last. The very name brings to mind thoughts of days gone by, and 
 causes the pulse of old age to leap with the ardor of youth. Dull prose 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1886 77 
 
 will not do, and in rhyme alone can the poetry of thought of those who 
 have drank from the same canteen be adequately expressed. I am in no 
 mood to offer excuses for what and how I shall write, but if any apology 
 is necessary, then choose another name for your journal, or else expect 
 the veteran of a quarter of a century ago to say something in the Knap- 
 sack about 
 
 THE OLD CANTEEN. 
 
 How dear to my heart are the scenes of the army, 
 
 As fond recollection presents them to view. 
 The guard-house and sick-call ; the cunning grey louses ; 
 
 Those dear little insects that each of us knew. 
 The sutler's old tent and his outrageous prices, 
 
 The little brush house in the rear with its smell ; 
 But dearer than these is the faithful old canteen, 
 
 The battered old canteen we all loved so well. 
 
 The rusty old canteen, the blanket-wrapped canteen, 
 
 The battered old canteen we all loved so well. 
 
 That blanket- wrapped canteen was hailed as a treasure, 
 
 For often at night when returned from a scout, 
 We found it a source of hilarious pleasure, 
 
 As the apple-jack gurgled from its copious spout. 
 How ardent we seized it with hands that were grimy ; 
 
 How quickly the fluid into our open mouths fell 
 From the faithful old canteen that in fancy is by me, 
 
 The battered old canteen we all loved so well. 
 The apple-jack canteen ; the musty old canteen, 
 The battered old canteen we all loved so well. 
 
 Whether filled with pure water from the streams as we crossed them, 
 
 Or conveying fresh milk from the cool spring-house floor ; 
 We think of the thing as of friends when we've lost them, 
 
 And burn with desire for its jingling once more. 
 So now, far removed from the battle field gory, 
 
 The tear of regret will intrusively swell, 
 As fancy recalls the camp-fire and story, 
 
 And sighs for the canteen we all loved so well. 
 The rusty old canteen ; the battered old canteen ; 
 The faithful old canteen we all loved so well. 
 
78 THE KNAPSACK 1886 
 
 But what has all this to do with insurance? Simply this. Draw a 
 moral from "the old canteen." As specials, fill your Knapsack with the 
 requisites of such soldiers in the field, so that you can produce lots of 
 reliable capital and comforting assets from its bulky depths. Keep in 
 your haversack the salt and sugar of your vocation ; truthful records of 
 premiums and losses to show that your brigade is active and aggressive ; 
 can win victories and suffer defeats, always ready for duty on the line of 
 battle with a purpose to stay and fight it out if it takes all summer. 
 
 If Texas hurts, quit it. If Idaho frames foolish laws, jump the ter- 
 ritory, but don't give up the ship, and remember always, that the oil of the 
 machinery is in your hands, and like the canteen of yore, the special must 
 learn how to use the can. An agent kicks ; you are the one to pour oil 
 on the troubled waters. Explain all about insurance to him. Rates, 
 commissions, losses, hazards (moral, immoral and physical) and every- 
 thing else must be squirted and poured out from your fertile cruse, and 
 like the widow's of old, don't let it run dry. 
 
 The company is the knapsack, with its essentials to rely upon in case 
 of a rainy day. The insuring public, the haversack which feeds us and 
 provides the supplies for the hungry claimant. But the special and ad- 
 juster is the old canteen which moistens the parched tongue and dry lips 
 of the faint-hearted agent or famishing sufferer. With kind words and 
 just acts, he so lubricates the one and washes away the troubles of the 
 other, that happiness reigns at home and abroad. 
 
 Keep yourselves filled with the pure waters of integrity, the milk of 
 human kindness, and the stimulating apple-jack of devotion to the prin- 
 ciples of your profession generally, and to your own company in particu- 
 lar. Then will the manager, the agent and the assured, each be glad to 
 drink from your depths, imbibe solace from your every act, and all will 
 say, long live THE OLD CANTEEN. 
 
 SCARCELY an hour passes that the mind of man does not assert its 
 superiority over mere conventional rules. Said my friend the broker to 
 his client : " I cannot rebate by as much as a penny ; I cannot divide com- 
 missions with you it is against the rules but, my friend, you shall take 
 lunches at my expense for thirty days. Shall I write it up? Thank 
 you." 
 
 EDITOR Knapsack Mr. Willikin Sale lost his dwelling by fire. 
 The claim was paid. Was this a sale to the insurance company? 
 Answer: It was a sail, directly he raised the wind. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1886 79 
 
 A SSOCIATE HIKE of New York says: No you don't! That's just 
 
 JT\ the sort of mendicant I am myself! I have had the Monitor 
 
 scrap basket strapped to my back for seventeen years, and I am a 
 
 habitual "picker up of unconsidered trifles," but they 'all go regularly 
 
 and inevitably into the insatiate hopper of that bottomless pit ! 
 
 I am everlastingly pouring in, like Mark Twain's bluejay into the hole 
 in the roof of the deserted cabin, but I shall never get it full any more 
 than did the bluejay aforesaid. I am sorry for you, but you can't get a 
 single cent's worth of fun out of me, nor a reminiscence, nor nothing. 
 
 As you appear to be in the same condition as the boy who was dig- 
 ging for the woodchuck, I suppose I shall have to "come down"; but 
 I think you may be perfectly certain of getting the flattest sort of prov- 
 ender jfrom me, because whenever a man undertakes to be funny, or 
 bright, or smart to order, he is pretty sure to serve his dish underdone 
 or overdone, or hurt it in some way in the cooking. Nevertheless, I 
 will in my great compassion remember you, and will endeavor to furnish 
 something fof your Knapsack, if nothing more than a soiled shirt or a 
 rumpled collar. 
 
 Here it is : 
 
 A REASONABLE CLAIMANT! 
 
 The fire was a small matter. The stove-pipe had run through the 
 ceiling many years, and the double thimble which surrounded it had 
 somehow got crushed so that the heat had gradually charred the wood- 
 work, and one cold day last month an extra boom in the old stove 
 ignited the trap overhead and created a brief household panic. A few 
 dippers of water put out the fire, but the whole Pacific Ocean could not 
 quench the distress, mental and financial, which raged in the bosom of ye 
 gentle claimant. 
 
 In due time the gentlemanly adjuster arrived on the scene, and the 
 lady whose property had been the prey of the fire fiend, thus addressed 
 him: "In the first place, I want money to pay those friends who helped 
 me put out the fire, and then I want your company to take immediate 
 steps to have a better arrangement of the pipes and the supply of water 
 near my property if I am to continue to give you my business. And 
 now in regard to repairs : all these rooms have got to be torn out and 
 rebuilt ; I am not going to have any smoked walls or blackened timbers 
 about my house. You needn't try to get out of it," continued she, 
 observing the deprecatory air and the argumentative attitude which the 
 adjuster was assuming ; and she went on with great volubility and elo- 
 quence to enumerate in detail the inevitable carpenterings, and paintings, 
 
8o THE KNAPSACK 1886 
 
 and plasterings and paperings which would have to be done and right 
 away, too ! 
 
 After much long suffering, the crushed adjuster got a chance to 
 remark that it was a case of great importance and intricacy ; that he 
 hardly felt equal to its settlement unaided, and suggested an appraisement 
 by competent disinterested parties. She might select some distinguished 
 architect or builder, a friend of hers, who would see that her interests 
 were duly protected, and he would select another competent and honest 
 contractor or carpenter. She bit at the idea, and the wily villain got her 
 signature to an appraisement paper on the spot ! Appraisers were duly 
 appointed, and the heartless wretches returned an award of fourteen dol- 
 lars and twenty-seven cents. The sequel showed its inaccuracy, for the 
 man who finally did the repairs made a clean profit of ten dollars out of 
 the job. Herein do we see the soulless nature of bloated corporations! 
 
 TIFFANY'S Instruction Book contains this advice : "Agents should re- 
 member that the expense incident to telegraphing is a matter of no little 
 importance, especially when a company is doing an extended agency 
 business." The agent who sent the following telegram "collect," never 
 had the advantage of Tiffany's acquaintance. 
 
 The dispatch reads: "Send me rate on wardrobe, scenery, organ, 
 violin, wagon and jewelry of small traveling show, estimated value about 
 one thousand dollars. Answer immediately." 
 
 My reply by letter said: "Rate one hundred and fifteen per cent., 
 with ^ limit and watchman clause in policy," but by the time the mail 
 arrived the show was stranded in an adjoining town, and was subsequently 
 sold at auction for $375 ! 
 
 AFTER four days' hard adjusting work at Red Bluff last summer, a 
 small evening entertainment was tendered by the charming wife of a local 
 agent. Seated on the veranda enjoying after-dinner cigars, the talk 
 turned naturally to losses and adjustments. 
 
 Said the Colonel, "My work represents $42,000, and I have drawn 
 checks in payment of that amount." This aroused a judge of local fame 
 and noted peculiarities. " Forty-two thousand dollars!" said he; "why, 
 I never saw any mention of it in the newspapers." 
 
 "Of course not," said the Colonel, indignantly, "you don't advertise 
 the fact of doing a plain duty, do you? You don't put it in the paper 
 when you pay your butcher bill, do you?" "No," said the judge, "I 
 never did; but no doubt the butcher would if I paid him." 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1886 Si 
 
 A DEFINITION. 
 
 A SPECIAL agent in the field gets at the true inwardness of many a 
 racy scheme. He unearths the plans of many a rival office to 
 control agents and business. If he is wise he makes a mental 
 note and files it away in the recesses of his mind for appropriate refer- 
 ence, good naturedly pursuing his journey. 
 
 If he is dyspeptic he exposes the sophistry, ridicules the sentimental 
 slobber, unhinges the logic, and "cuts a watermelon." Generally gets 
 himself disliked even where he is not feared, and in compact times drifts 
 to the rear with the other tide wash. 
 
 These gentle words are called forth by the recollection of an incident 
 in which some good fellows figured. One was a large-minded, well-to-do 
 local agent, and like all locals with means, he controlled a big business. 
 He was a prosperous, self-made man, and was sometimes requested to 
 adjust losses, which he did with laborious earnestness. 
 
 At the time of my story, with an anxious eye and apologetic mein, he 
 laid a gnawing trouble before one of the boys traveling his way. This 
 boy was a genial, fun-loving special as ever scalped a scalper. After 
 some time and a good deal of preliminary consultation, a letter from the 
 office was produced. The letter was the main trouble. It seemed that 
 at a recent adjustment where policies were not concurrent, one adjuster 
 had settled up satisfactorily with a fifty per cent, payment, while the 
 proofs of our friend showed a total loss on the same plant. He had 
 given the manager all the facts of the case, but that fifty per cent, salvage 
 for the other company was as gall and wormwood at headquarters. 
 Hence the letter, which insinuated that since it didn't come naturally, it 
 should have been forced. Hence the disturbed state of the honest local's 
 mind. 
 
 " I don't mind their criticism so much," said he, " I done the best I 
 knew how, fair and square, but what worries me is the doggone gibber- 
 ish I don't understand. I can read American language, but this Dutch 
 lingo gets me ; besides, it seems as if they were saying something mean 
 about Arthur, the other adjuster, you know, and I won't have it. He 
 acted white all the way through." A glance showed the objectionable 
 feature of the letter to be as follows : 
 
 ' ' As for Mr. Arthur, from a long and varied experience, our advice 
 for your future guidance is that you take his ipse dixit cum grano 
 salts." 
 
 " Now," said he, "you have read the letter. What's it all about ; what 
 does it mean?" 
 
 "Mean?" said his genial listener with a beaming smile and a reas- 
 
82 THE KNAPSACK 1886 
 
 suring tone ; "it means that whatever you hear Arthur say, you bet your 
 life it's so." 
 
 "Right they are, by gosh," said the local. 
 
 HIS LAST TRIP. 
 
 (S If HAVE taken my last trip ; I am going home," said he as the clock 
 II struck the midnight hour. The nurse looked at the doctor with 
 a significant glance and whispered, "His mind wanders." 
 
 Presently he lifted his feverish head from the pillow. 
 
 "Any letters from the manager?" he inquired, "there ought to be 
 letters here." 
 
 Then he slept, and in his sleep he was a boy again, babbled of fish- 
 ing streams far up among the pines and cedars of the mountains, where 
 the trout played ; of school days, and of those who had been his com- 
 panions in the misty past, while the wild winds of an Arizona desert 
 rattled the windows of the little inn where he lay. 
 
 At one he suddenly awakened. 
 
 "All right!" he exclaimed in a strong voice, "I'm ready." He 
 thought the porter had called him for an early train. The doctor laid a 
 soothing hand upon his brow, and he slept. In his sleep he murmured : 
 
 " Business, my boy, we want business ; what have you done? That's 
 a good risk, who took it? I must get business. I'm off, good-bye." 
 
 He dozed off, and the doctor counted his pulse ; suddenly the sick 
 man started up. 
 
 "Give me a letter from home. Ellen always writes to me here. She 
 never disappointed me yet, and the children they will forget me if my 
 trips are too long only one more stop to make, and I will be home 
 home home for Christmas." 
 
 He slept again, and again wakened with a start. 
 
 "No word from the manager yet?" 
 
 He is going fast now ; the doctor bent over him, and whispered in a 
 comforting voice the words of promise : 
 
 " In my Father's house are many mansions. If it were not so I would 
 have told you." 
 
 "Yes, yes," said the dying man faintly, "it was a clean loss, and 
 shall be paid promptly. Ah, a splendid company that deals fair and 
 square with its customers and men." 
 
 The chill, cold morning dawned, the end was very near. The sick 
 man was approaching that undiscovered land where all losses are honest 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1886 83 
 
 and all claimants are fair ; that mysterious land from whose bourne no 
 traveler returns. 
 
 "I'm going off the road;" he murmured faintly, "the manager has 
 sent for me. Write to Ellen and the children that I am coming coming 
 her picture and address in my breast pocket call me for the first stage 
 it's my last trip, and I'll see Ellen and the children on Christmas. 
 
 They laid his head back on the pillow ; he had finished his trip he 
 had gone home for Christmas. 
 
 HE had been appointed but a short time, and his letters gave evi- 
 dence of unusual zeal and intelligence. At last he sent in a daily report- 
 an excellent risk. The next day came another a duplicate of the first ; 
 and so day after day^ he poured in daily reports of the same risk, all in 
 first-class order. In reply to a telegram, he said that the printed instruc- 
 tions on the blank read, "To be forwarded daily, application and survey 
 must accompany each report." "Now," said he, "if I have not followed 
 instructions, what have I done?" 
 
 ANOTHER good fellow, bent on following instructions, if it broke him 
 all up, after receiving supplies transferred from a former agent, sent in his 
 first account current promptly, embracing not only the premiums for the 
 month, but a copy of all the business shown on his register, and this it 
 seems was his idea of what was required for all future statements, a 
 monthly recapitulation of all outstanding risks, and yet he proved to be 
 an excellent solicitor. 
 
 MANY of you will recognize a familiar note in the following bit of 
 "human nature:" 
 
 "That durned speckled critter with a broken horn," said an exas- 
 perated farmer, "makes more trouble than all the cows I've got put 
 together. I'd a gi'n her away if anybuddy'd had 'er, but they wouldn't. 
 I'd a fattened her for beef, but 'twould cost more'n she's wuth." 
 
 That night the cow was killed by a railroad train, and the farmer, 
 with tears in his eyes, told the railroad official who came to pay for her, 
 that "if it had been one of his other cows he wouldn't care so much, but 
 to lose that valuable animal, the only thoroughbred he ever had or 
 expected to have, was a misfortune almost beyond money remunera- 
 tion." 
 
64 THE KNAPSACK 1886 
 
 AN ACTIVE special, whose home is on the rail and homestead in "the 
 City of Oaks," having had three days at home without hearing of a fire 
 or a non-remitting agent, began to yearn for the gentle voice of the 
 heathen Chinee as he sings, "Beefee takee, mutton clop, ham and eggee, 
 tea or coffee," and for the dingy room, the cold, clammy sheets, and 
 the delicate perfume of the bedbug poison. He found fault with the 
 dog, kicked the cat, and was showing his nervousness generally, when 
 he was gently chided by his better and more sensible half, thus : 
 
 "My dear, take your valise and walk around the block, and you 
 will be in a better humor." 
 
 ONE of the few men outside of the profession whom I have heard 
 speak in glowing terms of adjusters, is a resident of Yolo county, who 
 once had an experience something like the following : 
 
 He was a claimant under a policy which covered on hay, grain, har- 
 ness, and the barn containing the same, a separate amount on each. In 
 making proofs he was free from nervousness and apprehension, an- 
 swered all questions readily, and gave detailed items. Between the 
 commencement and the signing of proofs of loss, he ordered two bottles 
 of Extra Dry, and was about to insist on a third, when the adjuster 
 claimed his attention by the simple statement that the proofs were a sul- 
 phurous lie from beginning to end. Continuing, he said: "You are 
 certainly entitled to the prize for ingenious and lofty lying ; your state- 
 ments put Ananias to blush, while Sapphira trembles for her long-sus- 
 tained reputation. Compared with you, Beelzebub is a modest exponent 
 of truth ! The hay you so carefully described existed only in your 
 imagination, while the wheat is a fiction of the brain ; the amount in bulk 
 would fill the barn from foundation to the peak of the roof ; as for the 
 harness, there is not even a buckle to be panned out of the ruins ; while 
 the barn itself, from what I have been able to learn, was worth $438 at 
 time of fire, instead of $1,200, as insured by the policy. I respect talent 
 when I meet it, and your talent for falsifying is of the highest order. In 
 return for your policy of $2,500, I will give you a check for $438, less my 
 expenses." 
 
 During this statement of facts, the Yolo man was apparently an 
 earnest and admiring listener. 
 
 "Can I cash your check right away ? " he asked. 
 
 "Yes," was the reply. 
 
 "All right," said he ; " hand it over. And now, gentlemen, suppose 
 we have that bottle of arnica." 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1886 85 
 
 THE assured was an undertaker, the renewal was being pressed 
 warmly by competing agents ; finally, with a funereal twinkle in his left 
 eye. he offered the risk to whoever would "take the premium in trade." 
 
 This same chap, complaining of a rival undertaker, accused him of 
 cutting rates, so to speak, and influencing by unprofessional means the 
 patronage of the town. "Why," said he, " the unrepentant disciple of 
 Jimmy McGinn, in order to steal my trade, throws in three hand grenades 
 with every coffin." 
 
 AT a recent loss, wher^ the adjusters' clause was in, the assured 
 seemed most anxious to secure the comfort of the boys. This was in the 
 early stages of the proceedings. Before the week closed, however, he 
 had become indifferent, I may say antagonistic. At the close he paid the 
 adjusters' bill of expense, at the same time saying : 
 
 "I see you have forgotten nothing which you have used on this trip, 
 including the cigars and wine which I presented to you, and which you 
 have charged to me in your account." 
 
 Tableau ! 
 
 A SAN FRANCISCO special, examining his risks in a Montana town, 
 had a nice hotel to look through, and, as usual, was attacked by the 
 landlord owner with a low rate (and, by the way, what a hotel keeper 
 don't know about the hotel fire hazard and the exorbitant rates charged 
 by insurance companies, is only equaled by what an insurance man don't 
 know about hotel keeping). But this particular hotel man had purchased 
 a first-class, red-tainted fire extinguisher, generally considered by the 
 insurance fraternity as more ornamental than useful, expressly to get a 
 reduced rate. 
 
 Mr. Special talked the other side, and they parted with the under- 
 standing, on the part of the hotel man, that he would get a lower rate or 
 not insure, and on the part of the special that if he got a lower rate it 
 would be in some other company. 
 
 About three months later the hotel burned ; fire started in the lamp- 
 room under the stairway, and the adjuster found everything burned 
 except the red extinguisher. An inquiry as to how it was saved devel- 
 oped the fact that the night clerk on duty that night was a new man, and 
 when the fire started, seeing this "thing of beauty " behind the bar, took 
 it across the street and put it in a fire-proof building. 
 
 Moral. Fire extinguishing appliances are more useful as rate re- 
 ducers than as fire extinguishers. 
 
86 7 'HE KNAPSACK 1886 
 
 DIAMOND CUT DIAMOND. 
 
 i s m y story, sir; a trifle, indeed, I assure you. Much more 
 Jl perchance might be said, but I hold him of all men most 
 lightly who swerves from the truth in his tale." 
 
 "Adjust loss J. L., on Canyon City Road, miles from The Dalles 
 see Dallas agent," read a telegram which I received at Portland, Oregon, 
 on the 3d day of January, 18 . 
 
 The prospect for a pleasant trip was anything but promising. The 
 weather was unusually severe, and the route I would have to travel was 
 through an almost uninhabited country. Consoling myself with the 
 reflection that adjusters can't always have soft trips, I started for The 
 Dalles. 
 
 Arriving there, I called on the agent of the company having the loss 
 and obtained a copy of the policy and such information as he had in 
 regard to the assured and his loss. The policy read as follows : ' '$5,000 
 on his stock and general merchandise, including jewelry, while contained, 
 etc., situate miles from Dalles, Oregon, two miles west of Canyon 
 City Stage Road." 
 
 The information that I received from the agent was that J. L. had 
 formerly been a jeweler in the town of X, Oregon, but had gone out of 
 business some months prior to the fire, and purchased a stock of mer- 
 chandise for trade in the mountains. Being well known as an industrious, 
 temperate, honest, though eccentric man, the agent had not hesitated in 
 giving him all the insurance he wanted. He presumed that the jewelry 
 mentioned in the policy was a portion of the stock that he had retained 
 from his jewelry stock when he sold out. 
 
 The morning was bitter cold when I started, but the sleighing was 
 excellent, and, warmly wrapped in blankets and furs, I enjoyed the ride 
 over the smoothly beaten road. Just before sunset the driver pulled up 
 his team at the bottom of a deep canyon through which flowed a large 
 creek, and remarked, "There comes your man." 
 
 Looking up the ravine, I saw a man rapidly approaching, and was 
 soon introduced to Mr. L. He was a powerfully built German of about 
 forty years of age, but notwithstanding his apparently vigorous frame, he 
 had not the appearance of one who lived in the mountains, his face being 
 almost lividly white, and his eyes had a glittering, uncertain, peculiar 
 expression, suggestive of intense nervous excitement. 
 
 He greeted me pleasantly, and apologizing in good English for the 
 necessity which would compel me to walk the remainder of the distance, 
 about two miles, we started over a rough trail, deep in almost untrodden 
 snow. He was a pleasant conversationalist, and though the road was 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1886 87 
 
 heavy, I was surprised at the apparent shortness of the trip, when we ar- 
 rived at his cabin. 
 
 It was a rude log affair, whose interior had, however, a cosy appear- 
 ance, when, with lamp lighted and a generous fire blazing in the ample 
 fire place, we sat down to a supper of venison steak and bacon. All of 
 his papers were saved, having been kept in his cabin, which was situated 
 on a creek about one hundred feet from the store building which was 
 burned. On examining his books and papers, I ascertained that he had 
 not sold a dollar's worth of goods, anjd that his entire purchases amounted 
 to less than one thousand dollars. On questioning him, I found that he 
 had sold no goods because he had only had the goods there a short 
 time, and that a deep snow had fallen, cutting off communication with 
 the world generally, and his expected customers in particular. 
 
 It had struck me when I first arrived that it was a queer place to start 
 a store, for it was surrounded on all sides for many miles by a mountain- 
 ous wilderness. Satisfying myself that he had produced all his bills of 
 purchases, I remarked to him : 
 
 "You have lost only about $1,000. You never had more than $1,000 
 worth of goods in your store, and yet you have five thousand dollars 
 insurance on your stock, which to say the least appears strange." 
 
 "You have forgotten the jewelry," he said, interrupting me, "the 
 diamonds worth ten thousand dollars," he added. 
 
 There were four diamonds, uncut but mounted, he stated, but for a 
 long time I was unable to get him to tell me where he obtained them ; but 
 finally, after placing me under the most solemn oath not to reveal his 
 secret, he made a statement which, as nearly as I can remember, was as 
 follows : 
 
 I was born in Amsterdam, and learned the trade of diamond cutter 
 and setter. I read much about diamonds, and in a work I came across, 
 found the information that in America were places where persons seek- 
 ing might find diamond mines. I was ambitious to become rich, and for 
 several years pinched and starved myself to save money to take me to 
 America to prosecute a search for diamonds. I felt sure of finding them, 
 and built many castles in the air, based on their discovery. 
 
 A relative opportunely dying, leaving me several thousand dollars, I 
 started for America. Traveling and prospecting for several years, I gave 
 up hope and settled down in the town of X in Oregon and opened a jew- 
 elry store. I did not entirely abandon my original idea of searching for 
 diamonds, and spent a portion of each year in the mountains ostensibly 
 prospecting for gold. 
 
 One, day, only a few weeks ago, I came to this place, and searching 
 in the creek, to my great joy I found four diamonds. I made no further 
 
88 THE KNAPSACK 1886 
 
 search, but immediately went home, sold my business, and purchased a 
 stock of goods, principally provisions, telling the merchants I was going 
 to the mountains to prospect for gold, and would take a stock of mer- 
 chandise to sell to Indians to pay expenses. 
 
 Meeting an insurance agent, who had learned of my intention, he 
 asked me to let him write a policy. I told him to give me a five thousand 
 dollar policy on merchandise and jewelry. I had set the stones as rings, 
 roughly, but sufficient as I thought to make them come under the head of 
 "jewelry." 
 
 By the time my store building and cabin were completed, the snow 
 had fallen heavily, and I had not searched further for diamonds, but was 
 waiting patiently for a "Chinook" wind to come to clear the snow, so 
 that I might work. 
 
 Before the completion of his story, he had become frightfully excited, 
 and the terrible conviction forced itself upon me that I was dealing with a 
 madman. It seemed as if my heart had ceased to beat, and I trembled 
 violently in every fibre of my body. Alone with a madman, who at any 
 time might become a maniac. No chance for help. The thought was ap- 
 palling. 
 
 With a great effort I managed to regain partial composure, and 
 racked my brain for some scheme to escape from him. I finally decided 
 on my course. I conversed pleasantly with him, talked diamonds, talked 
 partnership, to which he seemed favorably inclined, and after awhile he 
 lost his excited manner, and was again the affable, agreeable host. 
 
 I told him just before retiring for the night that it was unusual to 
 allow anything on such slender proofs, but that his reputation among the 
 business men of The Dalles was so good that I would allow him a total 
 loss, and make out the necessary papers in the morning. 
 
 The cabin had but one room, and the only sleeping accommodation 
 was a rough bunk. My host told me that I could occupy this bed and he 
 would sleep in his large easy chair. I went to bed, but not to sleep. I 
 had made up my mind to escape as soon as he was asleep and take my 
 chances of finding my way to some house before he could overtake me. 
 I was unarmed, and I knew that he had a revolver. 
 
 I waited anxiously, counting the minutes, which seemed to my im- 
 patience, hours, before I dared make a move. He was apparently asleep, 
 and after cautiously dressing, with shoes in my hand, I made my way 
 stealthily towards the door. I was in the act of lifting the latch, when 
 my ear, painfully acute to every sound, caught the sound of a movement 
 behind me, and looking around, found my host wide awake, sitting in a 
 lounging position with a cocked revolver pointed at me. "That is your 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1886 89 
 
 little game," he remarked ; "you thought to escape without paying me," 
 he added. 
 
 He then told me it was useless for me to try to escape him, that he 
 would kill me if I did, and then commanded me to make the necessary 
 papers and draft for five thousand dollars. I was forced to do as he re- 
 quired, but signed the draft "A Boarder, adjuster." The driver had 
 said when he introduced me, "A boarder for you^ Mr. L," without men- 
 tioning my name, and he evidently thought that was my name, for he had 
 addressed me as "Mr. Boarder" during the entire evening. 
 
 I told him he would have to get the endorsement of the draft by The 
 Dalles agent before he could cash it. He had told me that he would go 
 to The Dalles on the stage the next day, and would securely fasten me in 
 the house until his return. On inquiring when he would return, he re- 
 plied, "in about three days, if I don't forget it." I felt sure he would not 
 return, and my only hope was that the signature to the draft and my non- 
 appearance might result in inquiry. 
 
 After taking a receipt from him, I went to bed, but there was no sleep 
 for me. I schemed and plotted until morning to devise some plan to out- 
 wit a crazy man. 
 
 After breakfast I asked him if I could try my luck in his mines. He 
 consented, but told me that with snow and frozen ground to contend 
 with, I would not be able to find anything. With pick and shovel I 
 worked with all the strength and energy I possessed. He had described 
 minutely the stones he had lost, and I had a desperate hope of cheating 
 him with other similar ones. It was almost a hopeless task, but it was a 
 question of life and death. 
 
 After several hours of incessant toil, I discovered four stones which I 
 thought might answer my purpose. Just before noon, I returned to the 
 cabin, and informed Mr. L., in answer to his inquiry, that my search for 
 diamonds had been fruitless. I then asked him if he had searched the 
 ruins for the diamonds, to which he replied that he had not. I then re- 
 marked, "if the diamonds are genuine, fire will not injure them, and we 
 ought to be able to find them, and if we find them, he could not of course 
 expect the company to pay for them." He assented to all this, and in- 
 formed me that the diamonds had been put in a giant powder can, and 
 were on a shelf in the northwest comer of the store. 
 
 I told him I would search while he was getting dinner. I found many 
 cans, and selecting one which had been broken by a falling timber, 
 placed the stones I had obtained in it, and then covered it with ashes. I 
 went to the cabin and informed him that I had not found the can. After 
 dinner I proposed that he should go with me and continue the search. 
 He agreed to this, and showed me where the can was at the time of the 
 
90 THE KNAPSACK 1886 
 
 fire. I had hit the place exactly, and after a pretended search of a few 
 minutes, pulled the can from its concealment and handed it to him. 
 
 This was the trying moment, and I felt as if a terrible weight had 
 been suddenly removed, when, taking out the stones, he exclaimed in an 
 excited tone, "they are here they are all right. It only required this 
 test to prove that the stones are genuine, and I suppose you are convinced 
 that they are real diamonds." 
 
 I was only too happy to be convinced, and to agree to pay for the 
 gold in which they were set, which had undoubtedly melted and dis- 
 appeared. He surrended the original papers I had made, and I made out 
 new ones, with which he was perfectly satisfied. I was not, however, 
 happy, until I was safely on the stage. 
 
 When I arrived at The Dalles, I placed him in charge of the sheriff 
 and he is now in the asylum at Salem. When we searched him for the 
 stones, they could not be found. If you doubt my story, go to the insane 
 asylum at Salem and ask for Mr. L. He will tell you that an adjuster, to 
 cheat him out of his insurance money and steal his diamonds, had him 
 locked up in the asylum as a crazy man. 
 
 A SAMPLE JUDICIAL DECISION. 
 
 A farmer, from loss to be secured, 
 
 For many years his dwelling insured, 
 
 But at last one day when his luck had turned, 
 
 His house and all his buildings burned. 
 
 The adjuster no chance for salvage could find, 
 
 So he filled out his proofs to have them signed, 
 
 But the farmer read them and shook his head, 
 
 "You will pay for the house, I see," he said, 
 
 " But where in the world will I get any pay 
 
 For my barn and sheds, my tools and hay?" 
 
 The adjuster tried, but all in vain, 
 
 To make the matter very plain, 
 
 But it only seemed that the more he tried 
 
 The less was the farmer satisfied. 
 
 At last the farmer a lawyer employed, 
 
 Thus made it impossible suit to avoid. 
 
 So the case was tried and the judge's decision 
 
 Was given as follows with great precision : 
 
 ' ' It really seems to this court very funny 
 
 That, having for years use of this man's money, 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1886 9 i 
 
 The company now to pay should refuse, 
 
 And this court such action will never excuse. 
 
 They say that the policy the barn did not mention, 
 
 But the plaintiff claims that it was his intention 
 
 To insure all he had, and it is very clear 
 
 That the word dwelling, as it is used here, 
 
 Every barn, every pigsty and shed does include. 
 
 This court at least will decide that it should. 
 
 This large British policy I hold in my hand 
 
 In size ought to cover any barn in the land. 
 
 It surely holds good in law all the world over, 
 
 A building of any kind its contents must cover, 
 
 So the court here decides that defendant must pay 
 
 For all that the plaintiff lost that day, 
 
 For all that he meant to insure, but forgot 
 
 To mention when he the policy got. 
 
 And I really think that the company ought 
 
 For even allowing this suit to be brought, 
 
 And this matter the mind of the court to trouble, 
 
 For contempt of court to be made to pay double." 
 
 ONE OF MANY. 
 
 I SEND a recollection of a trip. Distance lends enchantment. Time 
 has repaired the damage. 
 
 It was a call to a remote settlement to adjust a loss. First came an 
 ocean voyage. Then it was I won my sea-legs, for the sickness of the 
 time was such, I threw up all hope of seeing home again, folded my 
 wasted hands over my hollow chest, willing, even anxious, to join the 
 "great majority." I have never pretended to own a liver since. 
 
 Reaching port, my road lay through a forest of redwood a "short 
 cut" of sixty miles, by saddle. Now, I am an admirer of horseback 
 riding in others, and up to the time of which I speak, had gained some 
 knowledge of it by means of books and conversation. Sixty miles 
 seemed a big distance, but could anything be worse than that sea trip ? I 
 tackled it, taking for guide and companion our local agent the faithful 
 Peter. 
 
 The scenery was magnificent, the air bracing. The Anna Maria river 
 danced and sparkled at our feet ; I took notice of this early in the ride. I 
 was also conscious of sitting my steed remarkably well, contemplating 
 
92 THE KN/1PSACK 1886 
 
 with much pleasure future exercise of the kind in the park and else- 
 where. 
 
 Soon we came to a precipitous place, which Peter was pleased to call 
 a "little sideling." Down we pitched, leading the animals. Remount- 
 ing, I was pained to find the seat much harder than before. Still, as we 
 picked our way through the woods, chatting gaily, the scent of balsam 
 and the sight of moss and fern distracted attention for awhile. We 
 lunched at a farmhouse, having made good progress. All that was 
 amiable of my disposition, I left at that farmhouse. No freak of imagina- 
 tion, no charm of nature, could henceforth disguise from me how hurt 
 and bruised that miserable saddle had rendered me. The horse became 
 a stumbling, torturing brute. The Anna Maria river sprang up unbear- 
 ably in all directions, having as many forks as one would need at an 
 annual banquet. 
 
 Peter, too, was exasperating, he rode so fast and so uncomplainingly. 
 Why ! he would drop the reins and clap his hands to urge the speed, 
 singing at the top of his voice, and in other diabolical ways show his 
 enjoyment of the time. Eventually I learned to know the danger of the 
 four sharp jolts when we came down to a walk, and the painful bumps 
 when we start up. I avoid a trot, find a lope preferable, change position 
 often, now leaning forward, now backward, now sideways, I cling to the 
 horn of the saddle there are pains where were never pains before ; each 
 leg seems to weigh a ton. I think of all the expletives which a varied 
 experience has rendered familiar to my ear ; I am saturated with mental 
 profanity ; I hate myself ; I hate Peter ; I hate the world ; I am tortured 
 and groan aloud, my sand has run out, I give up and cry for quarter ; 
 from that time we walk the horses. 
 
 The sun goes down, we move silently on, moonlight casts weird 
 shadows, no sign of human habitation ; up and up, down and down, we 
 go ; new sensations come, hunger, thirst and cold ; we cannot see the 
 trail ; we are lost ! It is nine o'clock ; we reach a clear spot ; water reflects 
 the moonlight ; it is the refreshing Anna Maria. I tumble to the ground ; 
 the faithful Peter builds a fire and mounts guard; I shiver myself to 
 sleep and troubled dreams. At daylight we grope about to find an out- 
 let. There within one hundred yards, with blue smoke curling from the 
 chimney, stands a house, the house of a rancher, an old friend of Peter's. 
 We share his breakfast, and meditate on the irony of fate. 
 
 By noon, still walking, we are at our journey's end. The details of 
 the adjustment are conducted standing. My desk is a mantelpiece. 
 When I am told my horse has the "pink-eye," I rejoice aloud ; it is the 
 hand of Providence. I take the long way back in a wagon ; wagons are 
 good enough for me to this day. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1886 
 
 "A GOOD AGENT." 
 
 Tf HAVE been running a merchandise store in this country town for 
 some years with success and comfort ; have made a little money, 
 and have an interest in a number of small ranches whose owners 
 have been dealing with me. Not long since the special agent of your 
 company came along and persuaded me, much against my will, to accept 
 an agency of the company. I must say this view of the subject was an 
 attractive one. I having a commission on the premiums, and nothing to 
 do with the losses that feature captured me. He said he would send a 
 few blanks when he got back ; but my God ! I had no idea I would get 
 such a consignment; blank applications, blank endorsements, blank 
 monthly statements, blank expiration notices, and blank policies. I 
 haven't tackled the job of filling any out yet. 
 
 I got a letter from you as general agent, confirming my appointment, 
 and you express a desire to hear from me freely in case anything should 
 come up in the course of the business to puzzle me. Now, the first thing 
 that puzzles me is how to make a rate on the first application I got the 
 Eureka Hotel. That infernal little red book called the Rate Book, I 
 thought the special had made quite clear, but now I don't believe he 
 understands it himself I don't. I never had much to do with mathe- 
 matics except calculating interest, adding up an account and guessing at 
 the weight of hogs. This little innocent book is worse than an algebra. 
 
 The first thing I tackled naturally was the rule for determining the 
 rate of premium; my customer (do you call him a customer or a client?) 
 was waiting while I read the rule before making out his bill. I had to 
 tell him to come back in half an hour. Just as he gpt out the door I saw 
 the explanation about star hazards and called him back, saying here 
 was an explanation, and I would tell him in a minute; but when I read 
 the explanation I told him to come back in two hours and a half ; that 
 "explanation" stumped me. The rule would be bad enough without all 
 the stars and daggers, but they would puzzle anybody. I turned to 
 " Hotel" on the list, and it there says, see Rules 6 and 18, also see Fresco 
 work. What the devil fresco work has to do with a country hotel, I don't 
 see we are used to "fly fresco," but nothing else. I looked at Rule 6, 
 which goes on about buildings occupied for a common purpose. The 
 "Eureka" is a perfectly respectable house, so don't fit that rule we've 
 none of that kind of houses in our town anyhow. We go to the city for 
 that kind of thing. Rule 18 fits the " Eureka," for transient guests come 
 there, and there is a bar for regular visitors. A part of the "Eureka" 
 is an old cloth-lined structure, and part is brick, frame and plaster ; there 
 is a grocery store at the corner room on the ground floor ; that is in the 
 
94 THE KNAPSACK 1886 
 
 frame part of the building and comes under Rule 7, about the compart- 
 ments. 
 
 There is a wooden awning at this corner, a coal yard next door where 
 there is a steam engine for chopping wood, and a livery stable next to 
 that. When I came to figure upon the brick, iron, cloth-lined grocery 
 with coal oil, awning, coal yard with steam engine, and consider all the 
 daggers, stars, explanations, etc., I thought I would write to you, for I 
 haven't cheek enough yet, being only in the insurance business a few 
 days, to tell him how much he would have to pay; besides, that alpha- 
 betical table of hazards, and classification of buildings rather bothers 
 me; when you find it is a "B" class, something in the rule puts it in 
 "C" class, and when you fix it in that, then you find another rule that 
 shoves it in "D" class. I haven't been able to keep it in one class long 
 enough to fix the rate. 
 
 There is a woolen mill here, and I tackled the proprietor. His stock 
 is mainly cloth and blankets, but I find a blanket policy is prohibited, so 
 I couldn't do anything with him. How about that? he said he had no 
 trouble before, and I said it was probably due to the compact, and he 
 thought the compact was a fraud. Is it? 
 
 I can't get that "exposure " business through my wool. Most of our 
 buildings are on the main street, and the outbuildings are on a corre- 
 sponding row on the rear of the lot. Do these outbuildings constitute an 
 exposure? They all have separate entrances on the ground floor. I 
 always come back to that explanation pasted between pages 4 and 5. 
 Does not the man who drew that up also draw a big salary? I'd like to 
 fix the basis rate with the stars and daggers to the man who got up that 
 red book. I had no idea insurance business required so much figuring. 
 I thought all we had to do was to accept the premium and dispute the 
 losses, which is easy enough. 
 
 Now, if you can give me any lucid explanation of how to definitely 
 figure a rate on a building without 47 exceptions and provisos, I will stick 
 to the agency. 
 
 FARNFIELD'S SONG. 
 
 Be-hold the r pop-u-lar un-der-wri-ter, 
 
 A per-son-age of mar-tial rank and title, 
 A dig-ni-fied and po-tent ad-jus-ter, 
 Whose func-tions are par-tic-u-lar-ly vi-tal. 
 'Tis Charlie Kinne Charlie Kinne ; 
 To insurance halls we welcome him. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1886 95 
 
 He has strug-gled with non-con-cur-ren-cy, 
 And for his rule has fought with might and main ; 
 
 Sue-cess now crowns his id-io-syn-cra-sy ; 
 We ne'er shall hear of non-con-cur-ren-cy again. 
 'Tis Charlie Kinne, etc. 
 
 So hail our pop-u-lar sol-dier chair-man, 
 He's a man in the pro-fes-sion stands very high ; 
 
 Twelve months he's pre-si-ded o'er us no-bly, 
 But this night he's del-e-ga-ted to die. 
 'Tis Charlie Kinne, etc. 
 
96 THE KNAPSACK 1887 
 
 EDITORIAL, 1887. GEO. F. GRANT. 
 
 GENTLEMEN of the Association, and friends of Underwriting, I 
 greet you. 
 
 In the budget called the Knapsack, for 1887, we find all of the 
 pathetic, humorous, corrective and personal, which active minds have 
 been willing to contribute during hours stolen from business. I use this 
 phrase as a figure of speech. 
 
 Stealing is a serious matter ; it not only involves a perpetual endeavor 
 to conceal the act, but it lays upon the conscience in unexpected and in- 
 convenient times and places. Why should one steal that which is his 
 own ? a species of kleptomania which shifts an article from one pocket to 
 another, the pocket being on the person of the thief. 
 
 The hours of business cannot be stolen. There is a popular impres- 
 sion to the contrary, but it is incorrect. An aimless, heedless clock- 
 watcher can "soldier" through days of time in an office. A no-account 
 special can read novels in a shady corner of a summer hotel. An adjuster 
 can demonstrate the accuracy of calculation on a billiard-cloth. This is 
 not theft it is fraud. If you think by the rules of Knapsack philosophy 
 I have demonstrated these acts to be theft, I will, in accordance with 
 Knapsack ethics, yield the point for the sake of harmony. 
 
 An earnest, interested worker will put in all his working hours for 
 the benefit of the office for which he toils. If he is not a strong, inde- 
 pendent, tactful person, he is out of place with insurance. Being a fit 
 person, he should be encouraged to imbue his work with his individuality. 
 This individuality is strengthened and improved by writing Knapsack 
 articles. See? 
 
 When I say this business of ours is carried on at too high a pressure, 
 I speak a truth well known to all of you. From a business conducted in 
 such a way that an applicant submitted himself and his risk to close 
 scrutiny at the office during office hours, we have reached a point where 
 solicitors in every grade of station and education, or the lack of both, 
 pursue all classes of people for all classes of risks by day and night. 
 
 Your company and mine were the last to wheel into line and follow 
 sorrowfully at the tail of the procession ; but we have been poked at and 
 prodded into until at last we have determined to lead the stampede ; the 
 whole mental effort of our wonderful and incomprehensible being is 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1887 97 
 
 strained in an endeavor to "get there." It matters not how long or how 
 short a time this is to continue. It is all wrong. 
 
 As I look upon the faces of this calm and dignified body of men 
 before me, I wonder why our business should not be one of elegant de- 
 liberation. The feverish day of stock gambling has gone by, we have no 
 Wall street clamor in our midst ; we are removed from the world's strife 
 just as far as the western boundary of a continent will permit. We take 
 no note of the orb of day except to watch his lazy decline into old ocean 
 as he winks good night after a long day's methodical work ; our climate 
 is one of open doors and windows, our breezes fan odors of palm and 
 spices across sleepy plains, yet here we plunge and rear and kick our- 
 selves into a state of delirium in the vain hope of outdoing our neighbor, 
 in the vain hope of attaining the unattainable. 
 
 Underwriters of the Pacific, the Knapsack says to you take more time, 
 relax, give up stimulants, drop brain and nerve food, let gentle. exercise 
 and moderate action govern mind and body, that we may turn into legiti- 
 mate channels the business of fire insurance. Then will you have time to 
 prepare your brainy articles for this annual intellectual feast, without fear 
 of the accusation of having stolen it from your business? "May the Lord 
 love you and not call for you too soon." 
 
 IT is matter for comment that so many of our Pacific Coast insur- 
 ance people have been fighting soldiers. To one who never faced fire, 
 to whom war is a page of history, the offering of life for a principle seems 
 little short of martyrdom. It is heroism of the loftiest type. 
 
 When I see these veteran underwriters marching to the tune of old- 
 time battle songs, or strewing with sweet spring blossoms the graves of 
 fallen comrades, I feel that our business is honored by them, that such 
 material is in accord with our best endeavors to strengthen and purify 
 the profession of ligitimate underwriting. 
 
 I thought of this while in Seattle at the time of the labor riot. That 
 same courage which prompted the clerk in 1861, impelled the citizen in 
 1886, to take up arms to defend the peace of his home and fireside ; among 
 them my old friend and former local agent. True, he had never faced 
 fire on the gory field of battle, but he had smelled powder at a target 
 shoot. One cold and stormy night he patrolled a beat laid out for him. 
 At midnight he saluted the officer in charge of munitions and requested 
 a few rounds of cartridges, on the plea of possible failure to kill his man 
 at the first fire. 
 
98 THE KNAPSACK 
 
 "More ammunition!" said the officer; "why, you have forty rounds 
 on your person this minute in that box." 
 
 "Great Caesar ! are those cartridges? I thought it was my lunch," 
 and the courage which prompted him to face death oozed away at the 
 thought of hunger. 
 
 A CHARACTER. 
 
 FRHAPS there is nothing more distasteful to a boy or young man 
 than a person who is known as a "character." In the days when 
 the influence of home, the study room, the play ground and the 
 chapel is on the growing youth, such people as have peculiarities, strong- 
 minded notions, or eccentric fads, are regarded with disfavor bordering 
 on hatred. 
 
 In after life, with broadened business experience, that experience 
 which seems to teach that the truthful lie, the honest steal, and that virtue 
 has no reward whatever of a tangible nature, men regard the cranks of 
 other men with amusement, not to say interest, and often study them for 
 literary use, as lay figures in novels and magazine sketches. 
 
 In my friend Overton is a deep vein of fantastic sobriety ; I have taken 
 no end of comfort in watching his intelligent inconsistencies. It was he 
 who studied the effect of various kinds of medicine on himself, and be- 
 cause he was feeling unnaturally disturbed from his last allopathic venture, 
 tried something else homeopathically to set him right. 
 
 He was a special agent, and one day came to the committee room 
 with a box of pills which he had found in a drawer of his bureau ; no one 
 knew what kind of pill, so he proposed as there was just enough of them 
 to go around, we all take one and watch the effect. He was eating 
 lemons by the dozen just then, but he stopped and tried eau sucre on 
 reading the benefits of the drink in a French paper. One day he splashed 
 a suspicion of ammonia in his eye, and went about telling how slowly but 
 surely it was destroying his sight ; he negotiated for a dog to lead him by 
 a string when darkness set in. 
 
 When the history of the Garden of Eden was under discussion, it was 
 he who said, "show me a sworn statement from the snake and I will 
 adjust the case." 
 
 In appearance he was not unlike a clergyman, and in the rapid one- 
 day stands, a special agent makes in towns, secured much business for his 
 company and retained the good will of every one who met him once, for 
 like dead sea fruit, the second taste was away off. He bought a scalper's 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1887 99 
 
 ticket and paid his fare over again with bland politeness to the conductor 
 who said, "your ah 1 of a cattle drover." 
 
 Once I met him at a famous hot spring resort ; he was really feeling 
 seedy and worn out. The other boys there were four of us in all, 
 advised him to lay off a week and take a course of baths under the direction 
 of the resident physician. He consented. We went to the office wj^ere a 
 printed notice gave terms for bathers, fifty cents in advance per bath; no 
 discount. 
 
 He objected, "Suppose I don't like it; suppose I only take half a 
 bath, my money is gone." The clerk put the other view, " Suppose you 
 die in the bath, we haven't got anything." "Oh, Lord! do they die 
 often?" he asked. 
 
 He objected to the custom of depositing valuables at the office, but 
 did so finally, preferring to be robbed by the boss rather than in the 
 dressing room. 
 
 We took him to the "tepidarium," clothed in a turban and a waist- 
 band, not unlike a Patagonian warrior in appearance, provided the 
 Patagonian had not eaten missionaries for some months; in fact a skele- 
 tonized Patagonian. Here he buttonholed the attendant (that is, if it is 
 proper to say you can buttonhole a person dressed like Adam before the 
 fall). 
 
 " Look here ! you are the man in charge here. You have been here a 
 long time, may be for years ; well, you look like an intelligent man, a 
 very intelligent man ; I will venture to say you know as much about the 
 effect of these baths as any doctor ; of course you do, in fact more than 
 the doctor, for you haven't got any fool reputation to sustain and no 
 fees to charge ; that's it, fees ; bleed you to death these doctors, I know 
 them. You just prescribe for me and I'll make it all right. You see at 
 a glance what's the matter with me ; liver all gone, nerves used up, no 
 appetite, no strength, see? Now what kind of a bath ought I to take 
 first? Mean to try everyone of them before I get through, but the main 
 thing is to start right, see?" 
 
 The attendant saw the solemn winks at the eyes of the party, and 
 dropped to the level of the situation; he prescribed hot air first. He 
 told Overton to step into a dark box of a closet where the thermometer 
 marked 180 degrees, and wait there till he called him. There was a place 
 to sit dimly outlined and no handle to the door. When Overton stepped 
 in, the attendant laid his hand against the door and closed it; Overton 
 had not been in three seconds before he called out : 
 
 "Hi! hello! I want to say something ! Say! hello! hi there, say! 
 there's something wrong here. Say ! open the door! let me out ! Help ! 
 murder! I can't stand it ! Oh, for the Lord's sake open the door!" 
 
/oo THE KNAPSACK 1887 
 
 Suddenly he jumped against it and sprawled at the feet of his friends, 
 who were convulsed with laughter. After one glance around he grinned 
 and said, "I thought the darned old door was locked." Upon his form 
 hung beads of perspiration and a deep blush of pink marked the brief 
 period of rest he had taken inside. 
 
 "Mister," said he to the attendant, "feel of the muscles of my arm, 
 if they are done, I'm cooked all through." 
 
 A SHINGLE mill was recently destroyed by fire near Detroit, and the 
 night-watchman was burned to a crisp. The dangers that beset a night- 
 watchman when on duty are not properly recognized by a giddy and 
 heedless world. 
 
 "WELL," said he, as he placed one foot carefully on the other, both 
 being raised to a convenient elevation, "an honest man has always been 
 my admiration and delight. You know most of my life has been passed 
 here on the Coast. I have been engaged in various kinds of insurance, 
 but fire insurance is my first love, although adjusting is more my natural 
 forte. 
 
 " I am a born adjuster, although I am willing to admit the study of 
 law has made me more proficient than I otherwise would have been. I 
 have seen many queer characters, some of them honest but not many. 
 I do love an honest man ! I had a case once where a claimant was so 
 honest he quite won my heart, and I have entertained a warm friendship 
 for him ever since. 
 
 "You know I am a positive man, a very positive man ; there are few 
 men more positive. This has made enemies for me, particularly in adjust- 
 ments. People treat me with indifference at times principally from profes- 
 sional jealously. Being a lawyer, I have that much advantage, which 
 seems to cause a petty feeling in the breasts of my rivals. But this claim- 
 ant I speak of was a rare one. He had a fire, and claimed loss on some 
 goods left by customers for repair, on the ground that he was responsible, 
 and would have to make the loss good. It was a small affair, and I 
 compromised the case. Well, sir, some time after that, in fact, after I had 
 retired from the fire insurance business for you will remember, my com- 
 pany withdrew from the Coast and reinsured some time after that this 
 man came in, and said he : 'I have settled with all my customers, and I 
 find I have $30 over; here it is; I wish to return it to you.' I was so 
 taken back you could have knocked me down with a feather. What 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1887 101 
 
 did I do? Why, took it, of course. Well, yes; I kept it you see, the 
 company had retired from the Coast. He was the most honest man I 
 ever met; and in these days an honest man is a novelty you hear 
 me?" 
 
 THE UNDERWRITER OF THE FUTURE. 
 
 6 (g^UFFICIENT unto the day is the evil thereof," says the philoso- 
 ^5 pher. "Act well your little part; there all the honor lies," 
 sings the poet. At times a strange desire to pierce the veil of 
 the future comes to me. I would look beyond the working plans of to- 
 day and know something of the possibilities at least of underwriting. 
 Keeping up with the procession, as it is called, seems to be best accom- 
 plished by adopting every loose, tenantless vagary of every theorist, no 
 matter how illogical. At the annual meeting of all associations the goal 
 seems to be personal aggrandizement. The papers produced are for the 
 most part a vehicle used to create or sustain a reputation ; the writer 
 arrays his facts and figures in a manner calculated to call attention not to 
 the wants or needed reforms in the business, but to himself. Theories 
 are thrown out as carelessly as pitching broadcast a handful of beans, 
 with no more interest in the root they take. He who writes in favor of a 
 scheme to-day may oppose it to-morrow, and receive applause for each 
 effort. 
 
 When I apply to my nearest friends for an opinion on the future of 
 our business, they good-naturedly laugh me out of countenance. Those 
 who are recognized as our great minds receive my question with a cold 
 stare and intimate that now is the very fruit time and harvest of insurance 
 progress, while others who are working on new and apparently reckless 
 lines are quite happy in the advantage gained, and "think" less seldom 
 than when they were not in the lead. 
 
 Compared with the safe rules governing life insurance fire insurance 
 is floundering in a sea of doubt. The cheerful and well fed air with 
 which our leading managers guide their companies to disaster through 
 paths of unquestioned ruin is perplexing. Fortunately the Pacific Coast 
 is still too far from the American center to be entirely stripped bare of 
 its adequate rates, its protecting safeguards. The march of time is doing 
 us a mischief all the same ; with it comes changed opinions. Some of 
 our best field men are adopting plans of action which would have been 
 odious in their own eyes a few years back and, worst of all, these plans 
 are not boldly proclaimed as of old, but are know only by the fruit they 
 bear. 
 
/02 THE KNAPSACK 1887 
 
 Is not reputation dear now as then, or is ours in truth a business to 
 demoralize, to harden the finer sensibilities and make dull the moral 
 perception? In other words, is now the future of ten years ago, and, if 
 so, is it all correct? If agreed, let us say "check," and pass on to the 
 next item. 
 
 Thoughts like these have made me somewhat persistent in my en- 
 deavor to gain information, so that I am in a manner avoided by my 
 former associates. This disturbs me. One night after dinner I sat think- 
 ing of it when a card was handed in, followed by the person whose name 
 it bore. 
 
 " Pardon the apparent intrusion," said he; "my excuse shall be a 
 slight service which it is in my power to render you. If you really wish 
 to know something of the underwriter of the future, I can show him 
 without inconvenience to yourself, nor will it take up much of your time. 
 There is but one condition, simply that you will abandon yourself to the 
 thought that a century has passed away since you last took an active part 
 in fire insurance matters." 
 
 I assented, and we passed out into the night. To my surprise I ex- 
 perienced no new sensation. The streets were familiar and we paused at 
 the building where my own office is located. Here a determined looking 
 but silent man in uniform kept guard. 
 
 "Conduct this person to the center," said my companion. I followed 
 along the familiar hall, saw him open my own office door, heard myself 
 announced and stepped into what at first seemed a spacious auditorium, 
 but which by degrees I observed to be an office of about sixteen feet 
 square, partitioned off with huge plates of glass from other rooms or 
 offices, so that on the right and left in front of the room in which I stood 
 could be plainly seen all objects and tenants of other rooms or compart- 
 ments on the same floor. 
 
 There was not time to fully realize this peculiar and unusual arrange- 
 ment before I was greeted by the only occupant of the "center," as it 
 was called. In saying the only occupant, I do not take into account a 
 silent man in uniform, for I soon learned to know that such people were 
 stationed everywhere about the place like articles of indispensable 
 furniture. The voice which greeted me was low and sweet, so gentle 
 and winning indeed that I immediately contrasted it with the rude, not to 
 say surly salutations of my own time. 
 
 "May I ask whom I have the honor of addressing?" said I. This 
 seemed a trifle absurd, considering the formality of my introduction. 
 
 "It is with pleasure," said he, "also with pride that I announce my- 
 self Lieutenant Director of the Center of the Pacific Coast Department." 
 (Here he mentioned the name of my own company.) 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1887 
 
 While he was speaking I notice the peculiarity of his dress, which at 
 first I mistook for a bathing suit. It was of dark silk, knitted, fitting the 
 form closely a costume, it was explained, in vogue for the use of bank 
 officials, county officers and those in positions of trust or who handled 
 the funds of others. There were no pockets in the clothes. It was a 
 most becoming dress, and my entertainer seem so much at ease that I am 
 sure if he had worn the clumsy apparel of my own time it would have 
 made him appear a guy. 
 
 "I knew of your coming," said he "from the general director, he 
 who visited your home and invited you here. The general director is 
 the only one of us who goes outside the building, you know ; the rest of 
 us take our meals, our exercise and our sleep inside. We often have a 
 hop on the roof when a few ladies are included, but while we are em- 
 ployed by the company we do not talk to strange men. These silent 
 things in uniforms are called ' Pinkertons.' They are to us such informa- 
 tion as the calendar used to be to insurance offices albeit they are fewer 
 and less expensive." 
 
 "Is that because their days are numbered?" I asked. He only 
 frowned, and continued: 
 
 "I am allowed to talk to such people as are introduced by the 
 general director ; but I take little pleasure in such talks, since my conver- 
 sational limit is cut out for me in advance, as this Pinkerton in the corner 
 well knows. To really enjoy a conversation, one must be at liberty to 
 tell secrets, lie about his friends, and abuse the other company, as you 
 are no doubt aware." 
 
 "We are all employed here for a term of seven years. During that 
 time we surrender ourselves to the company by contract, after which we 
 can re-enlist or be pensioned off, each according to his length of servi- 
 tude." " Much more just than working all your vigorous life for a com- 
 pany, and then be turned out in the streets in old age to make room for a 
 better because a younger man," I could not help saying. 
 
 "Yes, no doubt," replied the lieutenant; "still it cannot be denied 
 that the strain on one in my position leaves him little to hope for mentally 
 when his seven years are up. I have five years more to serve, and I feel 
 the strain already. I commenced as a boy under Class I, in this very 
 office, and worked my way around the house to the center." 
 
 At this moment our attention was attracted by two dark shadows 
 which fell upon the white top of the table before which the lieutenant 
 sat. 
 
 "Two risks being taken," he explained, "if you look into the right 
 hand apartment you will see two people making application. That object 
 into which they are talking is a "voice wave." It catches and records 
 
104 THE KNAPSACK 1887 
 
 the words, also reproduces them in print, making five impressions. 
 These are held as evidence. This voice wave can be made to repeat 
 aloud the words spoken into it, and is conclusive in a court of law. Of 
 course a man may say he didn't know what he was talking about; 
 lawyers and judges know only too well what a valid excuse that is. 
 
 "The shadows on my desk are from the 'reflex' hanging yonder on 
 the farther partition. This same machine also gathers light. Thus as 
 daylight fades away the office is kept at an even state of luminosity. We 
 take every risk that is offered. Nothing is excluded. The rates are 
 found in the directory of rates, such as that hanging beside the Pinkerton 
 yonder. A directory is issued annually, the old one being legal until the 
 new is distributed. The time has gone by for any one to say he knows 
 the correct rate for any particular hazard from experience, or time tables, 
 or classification. That instrument which looks like a piano, situated in 
 the next case on the right, is the most accurate rate maker yet found. 
 You throw in all the statistics and strike the corresponding chords and 
 keys, and you have a rate which is positively correct. We use it in cases 
 where the directory fails to contain a hazard. This one is called a petty 
 organ. The grand organ at Chicago now makes rates for the whole 
 world. You knew that Chicago was the greatest city in America, didn't 
 you?" he asked. I blushingly said I had heard Chicago people say so. 
 
 ''This system is the outgrowth of the compact series. The grand 
 organ is a more endurable machine than the compact manager." 
 
 In the compartment directly in front of us, which was larger than any 
 other, were twelve or fourteen men who seemed to be constantly engaged 
 in receiving and transmitting messages through machines which spoke 
 the words and recorded them in print at the same time. Everything that 
 went on was audible in the "center," but so soft and musical in tone as 
 not to interrupt or interfere with conversation. 
 
 "There are no female clerks, you see," said my host. "Women are 
 now engaged as sea captains, railroad conductors, and in such like busi- 
 ness. That is the finance department," he continued. "We are receiving 
 advices from our investments all day long. All of our premium receipts 
 are invested in lottery coupons." 
 
 At this I started. 
 
 "Ah, I see," he said, "you are not informed. Well, to commence: 
 The National Lottery at Washington is drawn every ten days and is the 
 largest investment, conducted by the President and Cabinet officers. 
 This puts capital and labor on the same plane. Then there are State 
 lotteries, county lotteries and town lotteries, all conducted by laws enacted 
 in the Senate and House of Representatives. The prizes are drawn 
 promptly every thirty days. Perhaps you now see why clerks are not 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1887 105 
 
 allowed to leave the building for seven years. Companies put no more 
 faith in their employes than they did in your time." 
 
 I sighed. 
 
 "Ah, well," he said, "honesty is the best policy. It is a long way 
 better than an insurance policy." 
 
 "We have had a good year," he continued. "Our premium receipts 
 for San Francisco alone are two million dollars in round numbers, our 
 losses a million and a half, and our coupons realized four millions. This 
 is unusual. Last year we were not so fortunate ; our out-go was 209 per 
 cent." 
 
 "Millions!" I cried. "Premium receipts of millions! How can it be 
 done!" 
 
 "Ah, yes, I forgot," he said, "You do not know. There are but 
 fourteen insurance companies now doing business in the United States ; 
 the others went to the wall under the old hazardous system. That is why 
 we have no solicitors or brokers. The assured comes to the office and 
 records his voice and receives in return a printed evidence. His insur- 
 ance is in force until ordered cancelled, and is paid for by the week in 
 advance." 
 
 "And the loss claims?" I gasped. 
 
 "Oh, yes, about the claims. Well, each claim goes into court and is 
 examined by a jury, or, in case of appeal, by the judge of a higher court. 
 The office deals only with finances. See ?" 
 
 "Yes," I admitted, uneasily; "I think I do, but I don't quite under- 
 stand. Have you no adjusters?" 
 
 "Adjusters !" he said scornfully. "No ; I thank fortune we have no 
 such butchers in these days. I have read of them in books, and I am 
 vexed whenever I think of their abominable practices. Such of them as 
 were half-way honest were wholly incompetent, and such as were compe- 
 tent played the mischief with the companies' money and reputation. No, 
 we have no adjusters. When a claim is presented it comes at first hand 
 through the lawyer of the assured in the manner of a suit for the full 
 amount of policy. We pay the amount into court at once and await the 
 process of law." 
 
 "Dear me," I said, "I don't grasp this point." 
 
 "Don't mention it," he replied, encouragingly ; "I am not surprised. 
 How should you?" 
 
 Just then we became aware of what seemed to be a faint round of ap- 
 plause, and upon looking into the left-hand compartment saw a number 
 of elderly men with happy, smiling faces, listening to an address or 
 lecture. 
 
106 THE KNAPSACK 1887 
 
 "These, "said the lieutenant, "are retired officers, who have served 
 their term of seven years in the chair I now occupy. One of them has 
 been a general director; all are known as extraordinary men. I will 
 not conceal from you (lowering his voice) that in my opinion some of 
 them are crazy on the subject of insurance but for that matter men have 
 been so incur business, time out of mind. These gentlemen are living on 
 a pension at the expense of the company. Most of them are allowed to 
 come and go at will, always of course, attended by a Pinkerton, so that 
 they may not disclose the inner workings of the coupon investments," 
 this in reply to an inquiring glance. 
 
 "These men," said my informer, with as much of enthusiasm as he had 
 yet allowed himself to show, "are engaged in the inductive principle of 
 evolution ; the goal of yesterday is the starting point of to-day. They 
 have outlived such questions as local agents, fire department and water 
 supply, tariff rates, legislation and taxation, forms of policies, etc., etc. 
 Saw-tooth diagrams and cube illustrations belong to the far distant past ; 
 the common mechanic who dealt with such material is dead and gone to 
 his account years and years ago ; sweet oblivion prevents such from 
 knowing how futile and childish their efforts have been. The paper of 
 to-day, which caused the applause you heard, is on 'the survival of the 
 ligitimate,' and is an able argument in favor of issuing no evidence of 
 insurance other than a loss receipt !" 
 
 "But," I said, "This is gambling, this is putting the money of the 
 people on the hazard of a die ; millions lost last year, millions won this 
 year no stability, no guarantee of indemnity. Why, sir, the whole 
 system, inductive or no inductive, was born in the brain of a madman 
 and means everlasting ruin." 
 
 "Sir," replied he, severely, "do not forget that you are a privileged 
 guest. You lose sight of the fact that these stern rules of ligitimate busi- 
 ness emanate from brains of extraordinary men, bent on making 
 money." 
 
 "As if," I cried, "as if history were not made up of the bad actions 
 of extraordinary men, as if all the most noted destroyers and deceivers of 
 our species, all the founders of arbitrary governments and false religions, 
 had not been extraordinary men, as if nine-tenths of the calamities which 
 have befallen the human race had any other origin than the union of 
 high intelligence with low desire." 
 
 "One moment, sir," said he, "is not that a quotation?" 
 
 "Yes, sir," I replied, "it is from Macauley's Essay on Francis 
 Bacon." 
 
 "I thought so. I regret to inform you that your visit is at an end. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1887 107 
 
 One of the cardinal principles of the office is opposition to quotation. 
 We are original in our methods, whatever else we may be." 
 
 "Sir," I replied with some warmth, "there is little in what you have 
 said to me that has not been taken from the mouths of others. Remem- 
 ber that those who live in glass houses " 
 
 "Stop!" he fairly howled, "don't do that, don't finish that sentence. 
 That is the worst crime you can commit in this office. Pinkerton !" 
 
 I felt that I was disgraced. I saw the uniformed dummy advancing 
 upon me when a voice fell upon my ear, saying : 
 
 "Well, dear, if you are ready we will go." 
 
 It was the voice of my wife. I had seen the underwriter of the future 
 in as much time as it takes a woman to put on "her things" and make 
 ready for the theatre. 
 
 I RAN into a story which caused a merry laugh. Ever on the alert 
 for something to please the readers of the Knapsack, I dressed this 
 story up in a painfully alluring manner, and at a distance from home 
 tried the effect of it on a solemn companion. He said he saw it in print in 
 the Monitor before the war, or before the Chicago fire, or before some 
 other remote event. It matters little when he saw it ; the wretched fact 
 remains that Brother Hine had printed it. 
 
 If there is anything touching upon the subject of the heavens above, 
 the earth beneath, or the waters under the earth, which the Monitor has 
 not published, aye and "originally" published. I should very much 
 like to know it. 
 
 It is particularly painful to always hear that senseless remark, " I told 
 you so." I wish the editor of the Monitor would take a vacation ; go 
 off and catch cold and be laid up with something painless but confining, 
 while things were going on that others could see and hear and print which 
 would be news to him. 
 
 In regard to this story of which I speak, he not only had it in 
 print, but he put in all the fine lines of the picture, had names and 
 dates and locations, described the kind of chromo, gave the company 
 away, broke up the business in fact forestalled me in every particular. 
 It seems only fair to give a faint outline of the story, for we were not all 
 born a hundred years ago, and it is time the tale was sent the rounds once 
 more. Here it is : 
 
 Once on a time a local agent was appointed by letter. At the remote 
 distance where he lived such small matters as bonds or instructions were 
 not thought of; an exceedingly liberal outfit of supplies reached him, 
 
io8 THE KNAPSACK 1887 
 
 and here the business of that agency rested for some weeks, when one 
 day a letter was received, saying: "Insurance business is dead in this 
 place : but I have sold the picture cards you sent at $2 apiece. Inclosed 
 please find remittance less my commission. I don't know if I charged 
 enough ; I can sell a few more at the same price. Please be more 
 particular in your instructions to agents. 
 
 THE LOCAL AGENT. 
 
 THE local agent is generally supposed to be a man that is, most of 
 them wear men's clothes, but I have seen lady local agents. 
 Lady agents do first rate until they get married, then they don't 
 care for anything, such as business. 
 
 Local agents have strong convictions. Some of them have a strong 
 conviction that they can't get a risk and they never try. Others have a 
 conviction that they know more about it than the man at the office, and 
 you can't knock it out of them until you pay twenty per cent.; that seems 
 to be an argument they can't get around. Anybody is willing to follow 
 twenty per cent, instructions. 
 
 I know a local agent who made more than the company. He loaned 
 the company money at twelve per cent, per annum, and bought a lot of 
 their stock at ten cents on the dollar. Then he got himself elected presi- 
 dent, and pretty soon he pulled the company out, paid his money back to 
 himself, sold his stock for $1.35, and returned to his local agency. After 
 that the company busted. I don't see how he did it. 
 
 Local agents are like cats. You stroke them the right way, and they 
 will stay quiet and be sociable, but if you rub the fur against the grain 
 they show claws and howl, and get mad enough to bite the buttons off 
 your clothes. 
 
 It's funny how some local agents manage. I know one who fussed 
 around and got a fine office, and the companies paid the rent and helped 
 furnish it, and painted big expensive signs all over the widows, and all 
 such things, and there was a modest little man next door, who never got 
 an extra for anything, and his commission even was never raised although 
 he lived in an excepted city, and he worked right along and sent in ten 
 times as many premiums as the first man, and one day, when he called 
 attention to the difference, his insurance office people told him to mind 
 his own business. "There want any kick coming to him," and talk like 
 that. The harder you work and the more you do, and the better you do 
 it, the less thanks you get. It is just like the woman who poisoned her 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1887 109 
 
 husband. No sooner had the jury perjured themselves, than she received 
 thirteen offers of marriage, one of them from a clergyman. 
 
 Sometimes I think a good square man has no business with insur- 
 ance but that is when I am bilious. Half the agents I meet seem to 
 think the business is a grand swindle. They act as if they were not getting 
 their share of the loot, and if you don't give more they will squeal and 
 give the whole snap away, as the slangy people say. The other half work 
 on the principle that it is the only ligitimate calling in the world, and 
 they abuse the people who don't insure with them, and give them short 
 answers, and take their money as if they were doing them a favor ; and 
 when a man has a loss they want the Grand Jury to indite him right 
 away, and start stories about how mysterious the fire is, and tell the 
 adjuster not to pay a cent, and so forth and so forth. Then, in a month 
 or two, they write to the office and ask how you can expect a man to get 
 any business if the company don't pay its losses. I sometimes get real 
 cross with local agents ; the only consolation I have is the thought that 
 there are exceptions to the general run of them. 
 
 I used to be a local agent myself, and I know how it is. I never had 
 any trouble, because I worked for a home company, and the board of 
 directors could make it all right ; but I paid a loss in full once before I 
 adjusted it, because I thought the other locals were getting away with 
 me. I never was an adjuster, anyhow ; and I think by the time the man's 
 papers were finally made out, the company people thought they would 
 have saved money if they had sent a regular adjuster. If I had to be a 
 plumber or a local agent, I would be a local agent. The season is 
 longer. 
 
 AT ALTURAS last summer bed and board were matters of importance. 
 Beds were secured with difficulty at one end of town, while board of the 
 most primitive service scarcely filled the bill at the other end of town. In 
 the middle was a waste of blackened ruins where the business houses 
 had been. Every one was good natured over the discomfort, and many 
 a cheerful conversation lengenthened out over the simple fare at dinner. 
 Judge White and family, burned out of house and home, shared the 
 ''second table" with the adjusters, and his sweet little four year old 
 daughter listened sedately to the oft-discussed points of insurance. One 
 day as we met on the bridge the little one eyed me a moment, then 
 raised her face and said, " Pa, is that the man who set the town on fire?" 
 Quickly he answered, " No, my pet, that is the man who sets the claimant 
 on fire, and he burns him up, too." 
 
no THE KNAPSACK 1887 
 
 CALENDARS. 
 
 THE Fireman's Fund sent in what I assume to be a calendar. It is a 
 beautiful picture representing a chaste young thing, dressed in her 
 best clothes, leaning out of a two-story window, and on the 
 chest of a young insurance solicitor. He is imprinting with great 
 accuracy of aim a cold salute upon the point of her chin. He poises him- 
 self airily with the slight assistance of one foot upon a rope ladder. He 
 appears to be taking a risk. I commend this new manner of soliciting to 
 the young of our profession. 
 
 Of all the calendars received at this office that one which bears the 
 figures of three beautiful girls on its face made the greatest sensation. 
 Fair and elegant types of womanhood were they, gazing into the future 
 with an inquiring eye. But what words are these I see printed directly 
 under their feet? " Old and tried." Let us hope it is intended in some 
 way to refer to the business of the office. 
 
 The German- American sends in a picture of a mother and two infant 
 children gazing steadfastly through an open window in quite a different 
 direction from the general conflagration in full burn across the street. The 
 mother is carefully dressed ; the children in night clothing. A clock on 
 the wall plainly indicates the time to be 5 o'clock. As it is dark out of 
 doors, it is presumably winter. Query, is the heat from the fire sufficient 
 to warm the children, or if this is a tropical scene, as the growing plants 
 at the open window indicate, in what part of the country is it dark at 5 A. 
 M. or p. M. ? 
 
 Calendars are no good, anyway; their use as advertisers has gone. 
 I am pleased to think "their days are numbered." I recall one issued by 
 a prominent home company, which, aside from the lurid pigments of its 
 composition, was off color otherwise. It represented an attractive figure 
 clad in an elaborate morning gown presiding over a table containing two 
 bottles of fiz and a hot lunch. In her hand was an invitation to stand in 
 and share the refreshments. The President of the company, a courtly 
 gentleman of the old school, was, in the language of the street Arab, 
 "too fly," hence the whole edition was suppressed. 
 
 A " FIRE insurance " and a "hail insurance " man met on a train and 
 compared notes on business. Fire man said business is bad too many 
 fires, too many losses and observed that the big hail storms lately must 
 have caused heavy losses under hail policies. Hail man said, no no 
 losses had hail storms and assured had losses, but the hail policies pro- 
 vide that during a storm or at night time all crops insured thereunder 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1887 in 
 
 must be taken in and put under cover, and a neglect to do this voided 
 the policy. 
 
 MORE CORRESPONDENCE. 
 
 YOU may remember me as the individual whose letter on the rate 
 book was handed you by the general agent, and which you paid 
 me the compliment of printing. I can't say that I fully understand 
 that book yet, but I find that I'm not so much worse off than others, after 
 all. Since then I've taken more interest in insurance matters, and have 
 read all I could see on the subject in the papers. I notice that the news- 
 papers seem to know more about insurance than the insurance men them- 
 selves, though that seems strange. But what a bad time we've had of 
 late. So many big fires have occurred, and we're having a session of the 
 Legislature to add to the disasters. And now another insurance paper is 
 to be started. When will the luck change? 
 
 Speaking of books and papers and legislatures, I find I am not alone 
 in my ignorance of what is in books or ought to be in them. Even 
 Webster's big, unabridged dictionary has no such word as " cinch " in it. 
 Now, we all know what that is, but Webster never belonged to the legis- 
 lature, I guess, and never was an insurance company, so he didn't put 
 the word in his book. If he had ever lived in California he would have 
 done so. Some of his other definitions are bad also. For instance, he 
 defines Cluniac as one of the reformed Order of Benedictine monks, so 
 called from Cluny in France. Now, Clunie is not in France, more's the 
 pity ; he's very much here, and I'm afraid has come to stay. Cluniacen- 
 sion is defined as relating to the reformed discipline prescribed to certain 
 monks. That's not at all the definition our legislative committee would 
 give. The proper "ascension" in that direction would be too high for 
 definition if they had their way. Besides, the reformed discipline pre- 
 scribed is better adapted to ecclesiastical history than to the present com- 
 mercial age. It is curious, though, now I think of it, though I couldn't 
 find " cinch " in Webster that I find " clunch " just above cluniac, in the 
 same column, and clunch means to bend the hand or fist. I don't sup- 
 pose there's any connection, but it's odd. 
 
 I hear from the insurance men that the insurance men got away with 
 the Legislature, but I see by the newspapers that the Legislature got 
 away with the insurance men. It usually does, in one way or another 
 generally in one way. The papers say that one Senator was down on 
 the insurance delegation because they rode up from the depot in hacks, 
 gave lunches, wore kid gloves, canes, clean shirts and plug hats, and 
 
ii2 THE KNAPSACK 1887 
 
 drank wine at dinner. He said he couldn't afford to do this, especially 
 drink wine at dinner. How dreadful ! Probably he will after adjourn- 
 ment. 
 
 I am told that one man a veteran lob-legislative committee man 
 was complacently congratulating himself on how he had outwitted the 
 chairman in that investigation before the committee, and while he was 
 doing it another man feelingly confessed that he had been sat on hard 
 when trying to suggest an answer for the first man to one of the ques- 
 tions, and he wanted to know why the first man didn't answer right up 
 sharp when the chairman asked a few pertinent, or rather impertinent, 
 questions about the compact. Why did he draw neighborhood improve- 
 ments or other things on the dusty table with his finger and speak so 
 slowly while the chairman was asking the conundrums. He wanted to 
 speak correctly and conscientiously, he said. The second man thought 
 it was a bad time and place to wait for a conscience to stretch, and that 
 any insurance man of experience ought to have it well stretched anyhow, 
 so as to be equal to the occasion any time. He, of course, speaks from 
 experience. 
 
 The President of this Association, in his address last year, put in big 
 type his opinion that "agitation is the only means of reform." That 
 sounds like Dennis Kearney or Coroner O'Donnell, but if it is true, then 
 the insurance companies will presently be reformed, for there seems to be 
 " agitation " enough among them just now. 
 
 The President also says that ' ' insurance is the most trustful of any 
 class of business." Stockholders put up coin and trust directors, 
 directors trust officers, officers trust department managers, managers 
 trust specials ( they can't help it, by the way ), specials trust agents, 
 agents trust the assured." That last is the only bad thing about the whole 
 trust business, but this mutual trust talked about is not on faith alone. 
 If we all trusted each other in this golden age manner there wouldn't be 
 any necessity of any compact. You notice your President didn't say 
 the "companies trust each other." He knew too much. I might put 
 the case somewhat like your president did. 
 
 Fires make business, business makes agents, agents make specials, 
 specials make managers, managers make companies, companies make 
 cut rates and cut rates make compacts. Then, compacts stir up public, 
 public stirs up Clunies, Clunies stir up legislatures, legislatures stir us all 
 up. It isn't, by the way, the fires alone that make all the bad burns in 
 the business. 
 
 There is a tendency, I see, to make us all honest by law. If they 
 applied this principle to all classes of business, this would be all right. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1887 n 3 
 
 We're no worse than others. Why scarcely a paper is read before this 
 society that does not have something to say about the necessity of our 
 being honest and upright. Perhaps it is on the principle that the " lady 
 doth protest too much " that they don't believe in us. Even your Presi- 
 dent last year gave us a nut of thought in the expression, " Honesty is the 
 best policy," but he failed to say what company it was in, and until we 
 know that we can't be sure. 
 
 MR. JOHN SCOTT WILSON'S SPEECH. 
 
 MR. PRESIDENT: 
 
 THE occasion we celebrate to-night is one filled with special and 
 peculiar interest. It is that we may, with song and story, make a 
 circuit of the festive board, and fill up the chasms of life with 
 mirth and laughter. To feel that buoyancy of spirit which drowns all 
 care and draws each into closer relationship with his brother ; for our 
 lives to receive fresh impulse from the hopes which brighten and the 
 friendships which are here formed. Hither we have come to tell the old 
 stories, to sing the old songs, to renew the old traditions, and to add 
 another bright page to the pleasures of the past. How peculiar, then, 
 the delight, how generous the interest enkindled within us as we gather 
 this evening, many hearts beating with one purpose and uplifted in 
 one devotion. No fabled dragon in terrible aspect, as in the elder time, 
 watches at the gates of this garden of Hesperides, lest the foot of the 
 profane should desecrate its fragrant walks, or his presumptuous hand 
 dare pluck the ripening fruit. A mightier than Hercules the spirit of 
 genial fellowship has slain the dragon, and thrown open the portals of 
 its sacred recesses; and now the barbarian, as well as the Greek, may 
 enter and eat of those fruits at will. All are welcome, for we meet to the 
 feast of youth, of friendship and of fraternity. 
 
 Man is, in the nature of things, a social being; he loves to frequent 
 the society and enjoy the affections of those who are like himself, there- 
 fore we can wonder at the entire neglect of the finer feelings of our 
 nature, the social for instance, which mark the character of multitudes of 
 the genus homo, in this, our day. Deeply engrossed by their strife after 
 the pelf and lucre of Mammon, they serve him, therefore, with such per- 
 fect, such unmingled devotion, that no time is left nor opportunity given 
 for converse with each other, otherwise than in the crowded mart of 
 commerce, the shop and the stall. 
 
114 THE KNAPSACK 1887 
 
 From early dawn until the very going down of the sun, and even 
 into the still hours of the night, every thought, word and deed is devoted 
 to the worship of that demigod who rewards his votaries with great stores 
 of gold, and at the same time with bitterness and ashes. Even their 
 sleep is troubled ; their dreams are not of the bright realms of sylph and 
 fairy, but of those dark and gloomy caves in the bowels of the earth 
 where hideous and gigantic genii sleeplessly watch over the ingot and 
 the jewel the heaped-up treasure of their sordid master. 
 
 Upon the brows of such sits wrinkled care, while in their hearts is 
 sharp anxiety, brooding over the unattained object of their fierce desire. 
 Their converse is but of cent per cent, of "profit and loss," and of 
 loaded argosies. They tremble from very fear as they hear the fierce 
 winter's wind howling around their homes, and when they meet each 
 other "on change," scarcely have the usual salutations of the day curtly 
 passed between them, ere their troubled thoughts find utterance in sol- 
 emn talk upon the dreadful storm of yesternight, and their own rich 
 ventures and those of their fellows, for friends they have none, though 
 they may name them such. There is no time to enjoy nature's beauties ; 
 no leisure hours to spend with those grand old masters of English lit- 
 erature ; none for social duties ; no time to pray. 
 
 ' ' How quickly nature falls into revolt 
 When gold becomes her object." 
 
 Beecher in his " Life Thoughts " says : "Many men are mere ware- 
 houses full of merchandise the head the heart are stuffed with goods. 
 * * * There are apartments in their souls which were once tenanted 
 by taste and love, by joy and worship, but they are all deserted now, and 
 their rooms are filled with earthly and material things." But who is this 
 Diety Mammon, that man so worships? Indeed its power is great; it 
 transforms the beggar into the aristocrat, clothes the bandit with respect, 
 makes the outlaw a citizen, and bequeaths to him the name of Christian. 
 It is a justifier of wrongs and a repulsion to truth, an idol whose worship 
 is almost universal, the possession of which is sought with the utmost 
 zeal to the exclusion of pursuits more worthy. Fame and wealth are in- 
 deed great rewards, but they should not be the entire aim and end of 
 man. 
 
 Alas ! they oftimes come too late. Fame when the laurel wreath 
 crowns a head white with the snow of age ; wealth, when disease pre- 
 vents the gratification of even innocent desires ; happiness, when death is 
 at the threshold, when riches are the only fruits of fifty years of toil and 
 labor to the exclusion of higher and happier ends. If you succeed your 
 reward is 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1887 7/5 
 
 " Praise when the ear has grown too dull to hear, 
 Gold when the senses it should please are dead ; 
 Wreaths when the hair they cover has grown gray, 
 Fame when the heart it should have thrilled is numb. 
 And close behind comes death, and ere we know 
 That even these unavailing gifts are ours, 
 He sends us stripped and naked to the grave." 
 
 Forbid that it should be said that there are no brilliant exceptions 
 those who say to their worldly affairs "thus far and no farther," who 
 cultivate the finer feelings or their nature and glean from the rich fields of 
 literature precious products, and are guided by the light of moral prin- 
 ciple ; who see in each rounded pebble, little leaf and tiny blade of grass, 
 as well as in the jutting rocks, the majestic tree and meadows carpeted 
 with verdure, the hiding place of God's power. For what were our feel- 
 ings of consociality so liberally bestowed upon us by the wise author of 
 our existence, if not as pure sources of enjoyment, if not to adorn and 
 beautify life. 
 
 Oh ! ye who waste the best and brightest hours of that life in carking 
 cares and material pursuits, little know ye how you lose and throw away 
 that time which might be made so fruitful of the truest and most exalted 
 happiness. Eager for gain, looking forward to a period which never 
 comes, ever anticipating and never realizing, before you are aware the 
 evil days come when you have no pleasure in them. First Go with me 
 to the house of a friend who can sympathize with my taste and feelings. 
 Second Go with me into your library where are enshrined the souls of 
 the living dead, and let us commune with them for a moment. There 
 you have Milton to sing to you of paradise ; Shakespeare to open to you 
 the worlds of imagination and the workings of the human heart ; Frank- 
 lin to enrich you with his practical wisdom, and Bacon to teach you his 
 deductive philosophy. There you meet the gentle loving Spencer, char- 
 acterized by Hallam, as "the delight of every accomplished gentleman, 
 the model of every poet, the solace of every scholar." 
 
 There you meet in true friendship, poet, historian and novelist. 
 How could you better pass your time? You pick up the poets' pages 
 and there you find brilliancy of fancy to captivate, creations of genius to 
 surprise, tenderness of conception to raise us above every day life, all 
 embodied in beautiful and harmonious language. His is the master 
 mind that sweeps among the trembling chords of our hidden and myste- 
 rious nature, and wakes the dim melodies we dream we have heard be- 
 fore the present, in some other world that shadowy memory of some 
 more beautiful existence, which dwells in every soul. 
 
//6 THE KNAPSACK 1887 
 
 Then you commune with men like Dickens and Thackeray, men full 
 of human love and hope and charity, whose works and lives are but one 
 long poem, wherein all may hope for comfort and sympathy. Here is an 
 honest, and therefore beautiful sentiment towards mankind, in its highest 
 and lowest grades, a broad, universal and catholic faith, that includes in 
 its creed the love of all, even the saddest and most degraded of our 
 human kind. Theirs are the works which bear the stamp of heaven on 
 the broad page, whereon they trace hopeful words to their fallen and 
 deserted brother. 
 
 The field of literature is a province wherein have labored the great- 
 est and best of earth's gifted ones ; wherein have toiled philosophers and 
 poets ; men of science and earnest inquiry ; men whose midnight visions 
 have been lit with a strange and mystic light ; men whose great and supe- 
 rior intellects have, Columbus like, explored untraversed seas of thought, 
 and brought back wonderful treasures from lands else unknown. 
 
 Yet our bond is not that of scholarship or literature. If we still love 
 literature, if we still cherish the sweet sympathy of scholarship, it is that 
 their true purpose may be fulfilled, that like squires and henchmen they 
 may burnish the armor as bright as gold, and tip the spear with diamond 
 lustre, for which we are to do our part in the great good fight for human 
 welfare; they are the means to ends. Ours is an age that demands songs 
 for the army of pilgrims to the arts, the sciences, the mechanical songs 
 of labor, of sympathy, of hope ; songs that hearing, the mighty heart of 
 the great working nations may gather fresh strength and vigor for their 
 daily and weary way onward ; songs that shall nerve the sinking heart 
 and give broken gleams of eternal summer. We should, therefore, cul- 
 tivate literature and a love for books. It gives to us the precious 
 thoughts of our own generation, and the brilliant minds that have gone 
 before us. It enlarges the intellect, improves the understanding, allays 
 and soothes the passions, but above all these it emplants in the heart of 
 man the true principle of universal brotherhood. Where else, save in 
 the rare communion of friends, are hours so short and moments so swift? 
 W 7 here else, save in their tried friendship, do we awake from pleasure 
 into surprise that whole hours are gone which we thought had just 
 begun ; blossomed and dropped which we thought had just budded? 
 
 As each succeeding year is added to the calendar of the past, let it 
 ever be our pleasure to meet together and keep this feast of genial fellow- 
 ship, not forgetting that 
 
 " Great souls by instinct to each other turn, 
 Demand alliance, and in friendship burn." 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1887 117 
 
 WE CALL the head of our office the "old man." He is not so very 
 old, but he is absent-minded to a degree ; not so bad as the person who 
 put his umbrella carefully in bed and stood himself behind the door all 
 night, but absent-minded enough to make the boys grind their teeth when 
 he forgets points they carefully tell to him. Now and then we have some 
 fun out of it, as this incident will show. Christmas fell due on Saturday, 
 perhaps you will remember. On Thursday evening the old man beamed 
 all around with his top coat buttoned and umbrella in hand, which he 
 waived airily so as to include the whole force, and with a voice modu- 
 lated by a recollection of Scrogg and Marley, said, "Young gentlemen, I 
 bid you good evening. It is perhaps needless for me to remark that I do 
 not expect to see you at the office to-morrow." Then he went away to 
 find that to-morrow was not Christmas. He had the office all to himself 
 on Friday. 
 
n8 THE KNAPSACK 1888 
 
 EDITORIAL, 1888. E. W. CARPENTER. 
 
 CIRCULAR. 
 
 EDITORIAL FRONT WINDOW, 410 CALIFORNIA STREET, 
 
 SAN FRANCISCO, Jan. 25, 1888. 
 
 DEAR SIR presuming that the work pertaining to the preparation of 
 annual statements is over, hoping that the figures thereof were full of 
 satisfaction to all concerned, and that I may now find you in just that 
 good-natured mood which may incline you to devote a little time to the 
 filling of the Knapsack, I say, " Send along the copy." 
 
 Write it up before the close of the month. Write it with pen or 
 pencil, on brown paper or white paper, or unused agency bond blanks 
 but get it in. 
 
 Every one to whom this circular is sent can remember some humor- 
 ous incident, or some quaint conceit, or some sage suggestion that may 
 have achieved existence during the year just closed. Put it down and 
 send it in ! Do not wait, thinking you will make it the subject of a 
 " labored effort " at a later date, for the Knapsack does not aspire to 
 being considered the acme of literary perfection or the condensation of 
 universal knowledge. 
 
 While my able predecessors have filled considerable portions of the 
 Knapsack with the choice products of their own brains, I feel that neither 
 time nor talent will permit me to follow the precedent thus established, 
 and I shall, therefore, content myself with loosening the buckles on the 
 20th day of February and spreading out before the expectant eyes of your 
 comrades a repast which shall be generous or meagre, in proportion as 
 you do or do not respond liberally to the foregoing appeal. 
 
 EDITORIAL. 
 
 A KNAPSACK editorial has great advantage over those usually 
 published, from the fact that it does not suffer the common fate 
 of its fellows and remain unread. The editor reads it himself, 
 and pours it into the ear of his patron, as the waiter did the soup into the 
 ear-horn of the deaf person, whether he wants it or not. 
 
 The temptation to write an editorial under such circumstances is 
 exceptionally great, and so you must sit and take it. It will, at all events, 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1888 119 
 
 teach you a practical lesson in resignation, and that is what we all need 
 in our business. 
 
 If the " other fellow" alienates the affections of a pet broker, and 
 secures a choice line of business, we all know how we feel inside, and 
 how we make a bee-line for the P. I. U. office to see what can be done 
 about it, and how all our threats of resignation from the Union result in 
 resignation at last. 
 
 If a customer is taken away from us by an agent who explains to him 
 that he can never recover anything under the printed conditions of the 
 policy, or that we have failed to insert the electric light permit, or to pro- 
 vide that goods in show windows are covered, we interview the person 
 who has been so "shamefully deceived," and who is "so sorry" that he 
 did not understand the true situation before, but who has accepted the 
 other policy, and it is "too late to change," and then comes resignation 
 again. 
 
 If a claimant wants payment for loss on property that we never 
 insured, we say, " Go to glory, if you're headed that way; " but he goes 
 to a lawyer, or possibly two ; he talks to his friends and the newspaper 
 men ; he writes to his leading San Francisco creditor ; we say we won't 
 pay, but we do and here's resignation again. 
 
 If our companies want facts, year by year, more and more, showing 
 all sorts of things about towns on this shore, we kick ( in our minds ) and 
 mentally roar, then bury them up in statistics galore just here resigna- 
 tion comes in. 
 
 If the compact makes rulings unjust to ourselves, and puts all our 
 pleadings upon the high shelves, we wish the Union was "busted" 
 gone, we'll say, to the elves ; yet we swallow the doses, though our 
 stomach rebels and here's where lots of resignation comes in. 
 
 If a man who is buried in business so deep that he has hardly time 
 for his meals or for sleep, runs the Knapsack one trip, he's likely to leap 
 right out of the straps, and out of them keep so here 's where my resig- 
 nation comes in. 
 
 THAT the frailties of humanity are not singular to the insurance bus- 
 iness is below illustrated. At a time when all the railroads were in the 
 pool, I had occasion to borrow an electrotype at one of their offices. 
 Accosting a clerk I said : "The manager yesterday agreed to let me have 
 a 'cut.' Can I get it to-day?" Sweeping the restricted horizon of his 
 office with a cautious eye he eagerly asked, "Where to?" 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1888 
 
 SMALL CAUSE OF A SMALL FIRE, AND A HEAVY LOSS AND 
 HEAVY ADJUSTMENT. 
 
 EARLY last spring a wealthy retired New York merchant, with his 
 family, moved into a handsome dwelling, which had been thrown 
 in with some climate he had purchased, in a fashionable suburb of 
 Los Angeles. 
 
 Shortly after the family had become settled they gave a dinner to 
 some friends. During the night, or rather the early morning after the 
 dinner party, the family were awakened by a loud crash, which had 
 evidently occurred on the first floor of the house. The various members 
 opened their bedroom doors in much alarm, but gaining confidence by 
 numbers, and each one assuring the other that they were not " frightened 
 a bit," the head of the family, with one of the older members, mustered 
 up courage to descend the stairs to investigate. 
 
 When they opened the door into the dining-room they found consider- 
 able smoke in the room, and although no flames, they saw many places on 
 the table cloth, carpet and heavy portieres that were smouldering and 
 smoking. They lit the gas and smothered and stamped out all that was 
 burning. The room looked as if a whirlwind had struck it, and on the 
 dining-table the wreck was complete. 
 
 After the table had been cleared a heavily embroidered tablecloth 
 had been spread, and in the middle had been placed the epergne which 
 had graced the table during the dinner. Among all the handsome 
 furnishings of this luxurious home there was no article of which the 
 owner was so proud as this epergne heavy with solid silver and much 
 cut-glass of the clearest crystal, it was indeed a marvel of the artizan's 
 cunning, and as a work of art its value was not to be estimated at the 
 mere sum of $1,200, which represented its original cost. 
 
 This beautiful ornament was shattered. Portions of its clear facets 
 were seen sparkling in the gas light all over the room, on the floor and 
 on the furniture, and of the silver portion of it there was not a piece left 
 in its original shape, nor of a size larger than one's thumb. 
 
 The tablecloth, carpet and portieres showed a number of holes burned 
 in them, varying in size from an inch in diameter to as large as would be 
 covered by a soup plate. 
 
 What had caused this disaster the astonished and frightened family 
 could not imagine. They decided, however, to leave everything as it was, 
 and have the matter investigated by detectives. 
 
 After breakfast the retired merchant reported the fire to his insur- 
 ance agent. It so happened that the special agent of one of the com- 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1888 121 
 
 panics which had a policy on the furniture was at Los Angeles, and in 
 the local agent's office when he called. 
 
 The special and local accompanied the gentleman in his carriage to 
 his home, and the three at once proceeded to the dining-room. The 
 special was appalled at the sight, for his quick eye took in at a glance 
 that even though the fire had been so easily smothered, a heavy loss had 
 been entailed by the really complete ruins of the embroidered tablecloth, 
 the Moquet carpet, the Turcoman portieres and three embossed leather 
 chairs, to say nothing of the epergne, whose value he did not then 
 realize. 
 
 While he was mentally calculating what his company's proportion 
 would be of a say $3,000 claim, he was startled by a crush and rattle of 
 the glass ware on the sideboard. 
 
 The three men looked at each other helplessly for a moment ; but 
 the special broke the silence and reassured the others by at once moving 
 towards the sideboard, and saying that whatever the cause of the commo- 
 tion might be it came from under that piece of furniture, as could be 
 plainly seen by the smoke which was beginning to curl up around it. 
 
 The three men had to exert their united strength to move the 
 heavy piece of furniture, but when they had done so a remarkable spec- 
 tacle met their gaze. Several holes were burning in the carpet, the back 
 of the sideboard and the wall were spattered with blood and gore. The 
 ex-merchant recoiled with a cry of horror, but the special and local began 
 to stamp out the fire. They noticed peculiar fumes while they were do- 
 ing this, and after they had completed its extinguishment, they began to 
 closely scrutinize the carpet. The special uttered an exclamation of sur- 
 prise, which was instantly followed by one from the local, and each at the 
 same instant held up something for the other's gaze. What the special 
 held was apparently a rat's tail, and the local held up what was undeni- 
 ably the complete head of a very large rat. They were satisfied they had 
 found the source of the blood bespattered on the wall, but what it all 
 meant was certainly a puzzle. 
 
 The gentleman of the house had drawn near when the insurance men 
 had held up the extreme end of a rat's anatomy, and during the surmises 
 which were being made, he said he doubted if he could ever get his place 
 free from rats ; they had been the bane of his existence ever since he had 
 moved into the house, which was completely overrun with them. 
 
 An idea seemed to strike the special, for he suddenly interrupted the 
 old gentleman by asking what means he had employed to rid his house 
 of the pests. The ex-merchant replied that they had proved themselves 
 too wary for cats or dogs, and too cunning for traps, and they had lately 
 
/22 THE KNAPSACK 1888 
 
 been placing poison about the premises in fact, he knew that some had 
 been placed in the very room they were in. He called his butler, who 
 showed a box which had contained the poison, "The Ready Rat Eradi- 
 cator." The special looked at it, read the directions and the effect it had 
 on the vermin, and among other matter read that it greatly puffed up the 
 animal that ate it, and death was due to its bursting the stomach, but 
 this effect was slow in being accomplished ; the pain would lead the rats 
 to look for water, and they would therefore leave the house to find it, 
 and die outside. 
 
 The special smelt the inside of the box, but could not detect the 
 peculiar odor of the fumes that had been noticed when they moved the 
 sideboard. He asked if any other poison had been used, and the butler 
 said he knew the coachman had used some around the stable, but 
 whether it was a different kind or not he could not say. The coachman 
 was called, and he said he had procured phosphorus, such as he had 
 seen used for squirrels in grain fields. 
 
 A self-satisfied smile came over the special's face he understood it 
 all ; the cause of the last night's crash and the explosion under the side- 
 board but a half hour before were both clear to him. He explained to 
 his astonished listeners how using the two different kinds of poison had 
 caused the whole trouble the rats had eaten some of the phosphorus, 
 and had come into the house and into the dining-room, and had there 
 taken some of the "Ready Rat Eradicator;" then one had been attracted 
 to the table by the fruit or bonbons on the epergne, and while on or near 
 it the "Ready Rat Eradicator" had done its deadly work, had blown the 
 rat up, and scattered the phosphorus it had swallowed in every direction, 
 burning whatever it came in contact with. The force of the explosion 
 was severe, as shown by the complete wreck on the dinning-room table, 
 and by the breaking and rattling of the glassware on the sideboard. 
 There was no doubt but that the special's theory was the correct one. 
 
 After the matter had been thoroughly discussed, the special said they 
 had better proceed with the adjustment then and there. The old gentle- 
 man replied that ought to be short work as everything was in plain sight, 
 and the estimate of damage was simply the value of the same things new, 
 and he could show his bills for everything, as he had bought them less 
 than two months previously. 
 
 The special asked him to get his bills, and as the old gentleman left 
 the room he heaved a deep sigh, as the probable cost of the handsome 
 furniture would rise up before him ; and turn it over in his mind as he 
 would, he felt the articles were completely ruined, and he could make 
 only a "total" for them, as they were brand new. The old gentleman 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1888 123 
 
 returned in a minute or two with his bills and also his policies. The 
 special looked them over, put some figures down on the back of an 
 envelope, which he took from his inside breast pocket, added them up 
 and saw his total of $3,570; he paused a moment, and then told the old 
 ex-merchant he regretted, but he must knock off $1,200, the cost of the 
 epergne, as that article was destroyed by explosion which preceded the 
 fire. The old gentleman looked at him for a moment in a pitying kind of 
 a way, as if he felt rather sorry for him for making such an assertion, but 
 the special accommodatingly opened out each policy and pointed out the 
 lines in their printed conditions referring to property damaged by ex- 
 plosions. The ex-merchant read, and saw the special had taken the right 
 ground, and without further delay they agreed upon the billed prices for 
 the furniture, which, less the $1,200, footed up $2,370. 
 
 The three then drove back to the local agent's office, where the 
 special filled in the proof of loss blank for his company, and then handed 
 it to the retired merchant to read over so he would know just what he 
 was to swear to before the local agent, who was a notary public. 
 
 The old gentleman held the paper some time, apparently reading and 
 re-reading it; at last the special, who was leaning back in an arm-chair 
 smoking a two-bit cigar, asked him if there was anything in the proof 
 which did not appear to be in order. 
 
 The old gentleman looked up sharply and said : "Young man, there 
 is much truth in the saying ' never too old to learn ;' an hour ago I learned 
 something about fire insurance by your pointing out to me a clause in the 
 policies which made me bear a loss of $1,200, and now you hand me a 
 paper which I must swear to before I can recover for the damage done to 
 my furniture. Now this paper I cannot sign, let alone swear to, for I find 
 in it this clause : ' The said fire did not originate by any act or procure- 
 ment on my part.' It was certainly my act setting poison for the rats, 
 and had I not done so, or rather had I not caused it to be done, the ex- 
 plosion and subsequent loss by the igniting phosphorus would not have 
 occurred. No, no, young man, I cannot conscientiously sign that paper. 
 I am too old to go back on the truth now ; my reputation has always been 
 that 'my word was as good as my bond.' This is another point in fire 
 insurance I have learned within an hour. It may be a good and profit- 
 able business for you to follow, but there is nothing in it for me. So I 
 will bid you good day!" and with this he walked out of the office and 
 entered his carriage, leaving both special and local in a dazed condition. 
 
 The special recovered himself, and taking his cigar from his mouth, 
 blew out a cloud of smoke, and exclaimed, "Great Scott ! that is the 
 heaviest old adjustment I ever participated in." 
 
I2 4 THE KNAPSACK 1888 
 
 The local muttered something indistinctly, but the special 's sharp ear 
 caught the word, "Rats!" 
 
 INFLUENCE OF ASSOCIATION. 
 
 EONCE heard a paper read at one of our annual meetings on the sub- 
 ject of the " Influence of Association." At that time it seemed fit 
 and full from the point taken. Not long since I listened to a touch- 
 ing story tenderly told, and in twilight hours and at various unexpected 
 times thereafter this story came and came again, until I realized that it 
 had taken a dwelling-place in my mind, so to be free of it I write it away, 
 putting it in the Knapsack like a bit of leaven. 
 
 Once there was a man, a laborer. He was not intelligent above his 
 fellows ; there was nothing commanding in his appearance ; he was only 
 a serious, sober man, who day after day worked patiently, faithfully at his 
 bench, going and coming with scarcely a word to any one, and yet there 
 was something about him which prevented his comrades from rudely 
 guying him. 
 
 After many days it was whispered that he had a sick boy at home, 
 and from time to time he found in his hat when the day's work was done, 
 a bit of ribbon, a piece of colored glass, a shining pebble, or some such 
 trifle. Nothing was said ; he understood the intent, and accepted it as 
 quietly as it was offered. 
 
 At his approach the profane jest or rough horse-play would stop, and 
 in course of time it ceased altogether, and what was formerly a tough 
 gang became civil and decent to each other. What they could not see 
 was the effect of their small gifts. 
 
 In an attic room, ever in his little bed, was a small, deformed, invalid 
 child. Before him on the counterpane lay spread the ribbon and the 
 glass, with which he feebly played. There was no other person about 
 the room, and when he heard his father's heavy tread on the creaking 
 stairs a light came into his faded eyes and a wan smile played about his 
 wistful lips. Any new. gift was placed in his thin fingers tenderly, as with 
 a woman's touch. 
 
 As the cold days of winter approached the father became more and 
 more serious. Deeper lines marked his face; and one day when he 
 carried the form of the little child out of the house and over to the grave- 
 yard, there followed him at a respectful distance, every one of his fellow- 
 workmen ; they had forfeited half a day's pay that they might help to 
 bury the boy they had never seen, that they might show sympathy for a 
 man who had never spoken of his sorrow. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1888 125 
 
 Mr. President and gentlemen, there seems to be a subtle "influence 
 of association" which is controlled by something besides constitution and 
 by-laws. 
 
 SOME years ago, when the adjuster's clause was more in use than 
 now, a fire occurred in Pomeroy. The policy had the adjuster's clause. 
 The adjuster figured up a loss of $150, and his expenses at $155, but told 
 the assured that as he wished to make a liberal adjustment and leave him 
 perfectly satisfied, he would throw off the difference of the extra five dol- 
 lars, and call it square ; and to this day that adjuster seriously insists that 
 it was a liberal adjustment, as he could have figured his expenses much 
 higher, but somehow the assured don't seem to understand it. He 
 knows he had a policy, and knows he had a fire, but does not know 
 where the liberality of the adjuster came in. However, he is still keep- 
 ing that policy as a souvenir of that adjuster's generosity as he threw off 
 the five dollars. The Connecticut can tell this story much better than I 
 have done. 
 
 ALL SPECIALS and adjusters who have traveled in Oregon in years 
 ago, will remember Berry, the cheerful landlord at Junction City (with the 
 best bedroom off the parlor, with the thick feather bed that smelt like 
 Florida water), who made up in attention and cheerful words to his 
 guests ail that was otherwise lacking. Berry always kept his property 
 insured, and was very anxious to have any additions or improvements 
 approved by visiting insurance men. So one time your special was met 
 by Berry at the depot, when the conversation ran as follows : 
 
 Berry I want you to come right over and see how safe I have got 
 my wash-house arranged in the rear of the hotel. 
 
 The special went with him and found a large kettle nicely set in 
 brick, with about two feet of brick chimney, with a stovepipe passing 
 from the brick chimney up through a shed roof. 
 
 Special Why, Berry, this is elegant, nice; very safe, indeed! I did 
 not think you had sufficient knowledge of insurance and the fitness of 
 things to make everything so absolutely safe ! I see you have made 
 but one mistake. 
 
 Berry What is that? 
 
 Special You have got your chimney on the wrong end of your 
 stovepipe. 
 
 Berry You go to hell and come in and take a drink. 
 
126 THE KNAPSACK 1888 
 
 MODEL AGENT. 
 
 WHILE traveling through Colorado some little time since, I hap- 
 pened to hear of a very good thing in the way of country 
 agents. The story runs about like this : 
 
 Some few years ago, in a remote country town having a bank and 
 other first-class appendages, with weekly stage communication with the 
 outside world, lived a gentleman of considerable intelligence, well known 
 in the community, and whose financial reputation was considered ex- 
 cellent. He wished to become a full-fledged insurance agent. He 
 thereupon sat down and wrote to one of the secretaries of an Eastern 
 company, stating what his condition was in the town, making reference to 
 the bank as to his financial standing and integrity, and requested the 
 agency of the company, believing that he could do a good and profitable 
 business. After making inquiry the secretary sent forward supplies, 
 together with commission and a batch of policies. 
 
 The special agent who had charge of that particular department was 
 not at home at the time, and somehow in the press of business the secre- 
 tary neglected to make a memorandum to call the attention of the special 
 to the fact that this agent had been appointed, and request that he call 
 upon this agent and make full report of the town and other conditions. 
 So the matter rested about three years, when probably the supply clerk 
 or some other circumstance called the matter up ; and the secretary then 
 requested the special when he visited the vicinity to make a call upon this 
 appointed agent and ascertain why he had not transacted some business, 
 inasmuch as the promises which he originally made were "couleur de 
 rose," and he expected to do quite a large and flourishing business. 
 
 So in due time the special visited the agent and after being favorably 
 impressed with him sat down to ask why he had not done something in 
 the way of the insurance business. The agent turned upon him with 
 astonishment and said : "Why, not do business? My dear man, I have 
 been doing business for the last three years ; have done a fine business. 
 The premiums that I have taken in amount to nearly $4,500. I have 
 nearly exhausted my supply of policies and intended to make an applica- 
 tion for a new supply. I cannot understand what you mean by not doing 
 business. Why, just sit down here and I will show you the amount of 
 business I have done." Whereupon Mr. Special and the agent sat down 
 and went carefully over the register ; found that he had issued policies in 
 their numerical order, all appearing to be in good shape and covering as 
 if he had been an old underwriter. 
 
 "And, by the way," said Mr. Agent, "during this time I have made 
 my regular deposit of the premiums in the bank, and everything is in 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1888 727 
 
 good form; and in these three years of representing your company I 
 have had a few losses, which, of course, has reduced the amount some- 
 what. I will call your attention first to the Smith loss ; that was caused 
 by defective flue. Of course, in my capacity as agent it was necessary 
 that I should attend to this matter, and I have done so. I have paid the 
 loss, which amounted to $150, and taken receipt therefore. Then there 
 was that Brown loss ; that was caused by the explosion of an oil lamp. 
 The damage amounted to let me see $75, yes. Then Jones he had a 
 loss of some $300, caused by sparks on the roof. That I paid, so that is 
 all right. Then Jacobs had a loss of $200. I never was able to discover 
 what the cause of that fire was. At all events, the amount of the losses 
 that I have paid foots up $725. Now, take my commissions off of this 
 business (amounting to $675), and there is in the bank to the credit of the 
 company the sum of $3,100. If you wish it, I will give you an order for 
 this amount, check it up, and we will square the thing and start again." 
 
 The special then wanted to know why Mr. Agent had not made his 
 daily reports, and sent copies of endorsements, reports of losses, etc., to 
 the company ; whereupon he expressed the greatest astonishment to 
 think that it was necessary to take any such course. He supposed when 
 he was appointed the agent of the company, that he was a little company 
 all by himself; was to issue policies, take the premiums, deposit the 
 same in the bank, and simply retain his commissions from the same ; 
 that the balance of the money was to be held in bank subject to the com- 
 pany's order, or to be paid out in the event of loss. The question as to 
 whether losses would exceed that amount had never entered that agent's 
 head. Of course, after due instruction by the special, he left, giving the 
 agent to understand that he would send him out a new supply of policies, 
 and at the same time requested that hereafter all daily reports of policies 
 issued should be forwarded in due course. 
 
 SOME three years ago a fire occurred in New Mexico to a general 
 merchandise stock, with damage of several thousand dollars ; insurance, 
 $2,000, in a California company. The stock was large and many goods 
 saved. The local agent, who evidently had had much insurance experi- 
 ence admitted a total loss of the $2,000, but said he must have as many 
 goods as he was to pay for, to show the agent of the company when he 
 came up. So he took $2,000 worth of the saved goods, secured them 
 safely, then telegraphed Cobb, Winie & Co., general agents at Denver, 
 to send up an adjuster, not knowing that he himself had made the best 
 adjustment ever reported. For further details and proofs, ask the 
 Commercial. 
 
128 THE KNAPSACK 1888 
 
 DAMASCUS BADLAM. 
 
 EWAS born bad ; my parents gave me a bad name ; the boys call me 
 Dam Bad for short, and I like it. What's the good of being good, 
 anyhow? Now I go to school when I don't play hookey, and it 
 makes me tired to see them good boys studying away for dear life, afraid 
 to look up or whisper, or throw a paper wad, the teacher is all the time 
 watching them so sharp, just hoping he may catch one of them so as to 
 make an example of him. You betcher, when I prance in I make things 
 howl, and it would amuse you to see how the teacher has to be wiping 
 his spectacles, or blowing his nose, or regulating the stove, or fixing the 
 window just that minute ! He knows I 'm bad, but he don 't want to see 
 the proof of it, for it would take all his time lickin' me if he treated me 
 as he does the good boys, and he darsn 't try that, for he knows I would 
 bust up the school if he did. 
 
 I don 't mind telling you that the school was started for the express 
 purpose of keeping me quiet. You see, I always did make things pretty 
 lively in our neck of the woods, cutting up and down (principally down), 
 getting in on the apple orchards in a loose and independent style, running 
 a free lance into the biggest watermelons, and "sapping the vitality" of 
 fresh laid eggs in a way that made the other fellows wonder what they 
 had been born for, anyway. So the folks started the school, and they 
 sent a committee of boys that they thought would have some influence 
 with me, because they were the worst boys they could think of except 
 me, and they begged me to join in, and told me how much happier we 
 would all be if I would put my name down on the list of scholars. You'd 
 have laughed if you could have seen the style I put on when that com- 
 mittee showed up. I told 'em that I had a contract for a term of years to 
 rob henroosts for a city poultry dealer ; that come what might, my com- 
 mission merchant must have his regular supply of fruit and melons, and 
 that they knew what that meant, and that under my physician's instruc- 
 tions I would be compelled to suck eggs all my life. Do you know this 
 didn't phase 'em a bit? They just said: "Baddie" (they called me 
 'Baddie'), we'll twist the rules anyway to suit you, and give you 
 exclusive privileges in the particular directions which you have men- 
 tioned, if you will only come in." 
 
 Well, it seemed to me as if this last proposition looked like business, 
 as it gave me a sort of dead thing on the melon and orchard and hen- 
 roost business all to myself, for if one of the goody-goody milksops 
 should ever get up courage to try his hand in my line, he would be 
 barred out. But I didn't let on that I was the least bit willing to join. 
 So they kept coming and coming and coming, and telling me how 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1888 129 
 
 anxious every one was that "that Dam Badlam should 'come into the 
 fold." They agreed to have a teacher that used to be a "free lance " him- 
 self, and that would sympathize with me, and would see that the good 
 boys didn't pick up any of the stray apples when I shook the trees ; and 
 they agreed to make a rule that if any boy left the school, the whole 
 thing was busted; so this, you see, made me "cock of the walk," for 
 they all know they must treat me mighty fine to keep me in, for I'm bad, 
 with a big " B." 
 
 You ought to come around some day and visit the "Cornpatch 
 School." "Cornpatch " is the common name for it, but when we want 
 to be high-toned we call it the Polytechnic Interior University, and some 
 of the boys have gold pins with P. I. U. on them, but I just think that 
 carving the letters on the watermelons I pick out is good enough for me. 
 
 It is as good as a circus to see the good boys try to live up to the 
 rules. They start in and think they are going right, then first thing they 
 know they run slap up against something that means different from what 
 it reads, and then they get licked, and then they start again, and are cer- 
 tain they are right, when the master makes a rule for that "train and 
 trip only, " as the railroad tickets say, and then they get licked, and 
 finally they get rattled and don't know what to do, and don't do any- 
 thing, and then they get licked, and then when they see me pulling down 
 the corners of my eyes at them, as they lay across the master's knee, it 
 makes 'em feel happy. 
 
 I just had great fun the other day with a putty-blower, and hit the 
 teacher with it. It gave him a pain in his eye, but the putty was there to 
 glaze it with, so guess it was all right. (This is a joke.) The Boardman 
 boy hit a fly with a potato-blower, and you ought to see what a whaling 
 he got. He blubbered out that that Dam Bad boy had not been punished 
 for using his putty-blower, but the master said his ruling was that there 
 was no similarity between potatoes and putty, and that the latter had 
 nothing to do with the case. He was lucky he didn't get whaled again, 
 for the teacher could just as easy make another ruling that would have 
 given him one. 
 
 I told the teacher one day that if I were one of the other boys I 
 wouldn't stand it. He said that they had to stand it, and it was no more 
 than right that they should ; they were born good, and had been familiar 
 with rules and regulations all their lives. "Do you suppose," said he 
 "that an untutored child of nature, an Apache Indian, who whoops up 
 and down the main street of a city, clothed in nothing but his war paint 
 and his scalping knife is to be treated the same as a good young dude 
 that walks totteringly along in a stylish costume, and with an oversized 
 penknife in his vest pocket ? Not much. The latter must be ' run in ' for 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1888 
 
 carrying a concealed weapon, while the former must be conciliated, must 
 be furnished with scalps fixed up to order from the nearest hairdresser, 
 must be provided with warm blood from the most convenient slaughter 
 house, and every precaution must be taken that nothing be done to excite 
 his anger in a way which would interfere with his ultimate civilization. 
 "So it is in your case," said the teacher, " and I shall always rule that the 
 boys that are good by instinct and education must toe the mark to a hair, 
 but that the greatest leniency must be shown to one as depraved as your- 
 self. In fact, my dear Baddie," he said, "I make it a point to lick the 
 other boys as often as I can, as an evidence to you of good faith, and as 
 a proof to the trustees that I am a strict disciplinarian." 
 
 Let me know what day you can come around to the P. I. U. and I 
 will put some of the other boys up to being brave, and making them 
 think they can do the same as I, and then you can see them get licked. 
 
 ALL THE old boys of the profession will remember with feelings of 
 "soreness" the stage trip from Walla Walla to Boise over the Blue 
 Mountains, through Burnt River Canyon, with its heat, holes, roots, ruts, 
 rocks, dust, and doubtful grub. Upon one trip the stage load inside con- 
 sisted of Sheriff M. and wife, E. C. Me and wife, a Mrs. C., and your 
 "special." We were all hungry, tired, and badly bruised, and there had 
 been no conversation for an hour, when passing some wild flax by the 
 road side one of the gentlemen remarked that the fiber was good to make 
 cloth, another that the seed would make linseed oil, a third that the seed 
 was good to get dirt out of your eyes, the first that the flour from the 
 seed was good to make poultices, when Mrs. C., who so far on the trip 
 had not spoken a word to any one, said with much emphasis, "If we had 
 the poultices now I guess we would all know where to put them?" 
 
 SOME years ago a "special," book in hand, was making a diagram 
 of Lewiston, and going into a China store that was insured in the com- 
 pany he represented for $2,500, and seeing a stock of probably $5,000, the 
 following conversation ensued : 
 
 Special John, how much goods you got here; how much cargo? 
 
 Kwong Mow I done know. What for you want know? 
 
 Special Me all same as taxee man. 
 
 Kwong Mow Very lette ; not more a tousand dollar. 
 
 Special Velly good ; all ritee, John ; you burn up, I pay you tousand 
 dollar all ritee. 
 
 Kwong Mow Mee too muchee sabe all same insurance man ; hab a 
 cigar? 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1888 131 
 
 A TIMID, NERVOUS MAN. 
 
 I never was a timid man, I 'm a pugilist by birth, 
 
 I always hated nervousness more than anything on earth; 
 
 I 've bragged about my fearlessness when I was in my prime, 
 
 But of my change 1 '11 tell you now, and tell it all in rhyme. 
 
 So if you will attentive be, I' 11 do the best I can, 
 
 To tell you of the sorrows of a timid, nervous man. 
 
 I 've battled with Old Ocean and fought all thro' the war ; 
 I've been whipped by Johnny Sullivan and never got a scar; 
 I 've gone down in a diving bell and up in a balloon, 
 I 've twinkled with the other star, and sailed around the moon ; 
 I never once was rattled, but now I've changed my plan, 
 For I 'm full of woes and sorrows I'm a timid, nervous man. 
 
 I 've read about the engineer who threw the lever back 
 
 When he saw a headlight on the curve, and but a single track ; 
 
 The boy upon the burning deck ; all were cowards along o 'me 
 
 Till I got a lively company, and took its agency. 
 
 I assumed to be an honest man and keep my shirts so clear 
 
 That Stillman couldn't catch me, and then I 'd have no fear. 
 
 Now what has made this awful change for I' m not writing stuff 
 
 What is the fearful trouble that makes me such a muff? 
 
 It's only that I want to keep my premiums at the top, 
 
 My expenses at the minimum my losses I must stop ; 
 
 I want to get the business at any rate I can, 
 
 But Stillman and the "Union" make me a nervous man. 
 
 I 've tried to smuggle stables through, as dwellings for a beast, 
 
 For if it only could be done thus premiums are increased. 
 
 The cheerful, rusty stovepipe, and cotton hanging loose, 
 
 I try to cover as I may, but it really is no use ; 
 
 For Stillman and his horrid ways, his fines and reprimand, 
 
 Have made me what I am to-day a timid, nervous man. 
 
 So I'm nervous, I'm timid a timid, nervous man; 
 
 I 've got to leave a business that makes a timid honest man. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1889 
 
 EDITORIAL, 1889. A. J. WETZLAR. 
 
 EDITORIAL. 
 
 EVERY editor of a newspaper is supposed to present to his readers a 
 fine salutatory, and custom has prescribed such duty even upon 
 the editor of the California Knapsack. 
 
 No one more so than this editor, perhaps, realizes the pleasure of 
 this part of the work, as full sway can be given there to all the sarcasm 
 or taffy deserved by the various members who either failed to contribute, 
 or did contribute to the success of this publication. 
 
 That the position of editor of this paper is an enviable one, the 
 writer has as yet failed to ascertain, and he was led in the sweet simplic- 
 ity of his life, to accept the position in the belief that by doing so, the 
 many and varied contributions of the different members could be com- 
 piled by him, at the sacrifice of but little time, and with credit to himself 
 and the Association. 
 
 How vain and transitory are the things of this life ! 
 
 The editor believed that all he would have to do would be to com- 
 pile contributions, which he firmly believed would drop in upon him like 
 an avalanche. Let none of you, my readers, for a moment harbor the 
 same thought; it is to say the least, "illusionary." 
 
 This editor issued a plain little circular to all the members calling for 
 their contributions to the Knapsack. 
 
 Since that time he has been almost constantly employed in drumming 
 up delinquents, and now desires it distinctly understood that to those 
 members who did send in their contributions, not this editor, but the 
 Association, should be grateful, as the editor was struck with the peculiar 
 idea that some of the members thought they were doing this editor a 
 personal favor, by contributing their little effusions to the Knapsack for 
 publication, and this fact this editor repudiates, as it should be the pleas- 
 ant duty of every member of the Association to assist and contribute to 
 the success of everything conducted under its auspices. 
 
 Of course contributions come in lively. The editor believes there 
 were just four special items, and as a result anything good that appears 
 in these columns should be placed to the credit of the editor, and the bad 
 and chestnut flavored articles, to the members who so kindly contributed 
 their quota to the success of the publication. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1889 
 
 There are a few, a very few members, of this Association to whom 
 the editor feels indebted for their cheering help and counsel, and such 
 members will kindly consider themselves thanked in due shape. 
 
 To our numerous contemporaries and exchanges we also desire to 
 express our high appreciations of their columns, as among all of them 
 including our Coast Review^ not a single article worth the clipping was 
 found. As a sequel we are presenting for the edification of the members, 
 a "pot pourri" of effusions which, whilst not as weighty as though they 
 had emanated from a Grant-Carpenter, or a Staple-Spencer, will remind 
 one of the time-worn joke, not Kinne, but how Kinne do it. 
 
 We will therefore proceed and see. * * * 
 
 FROM NEW JERSEY. 
 
 of the jolliest story tellers in the corps of adjusters, in New 
 York City relates the following joke upon himself, which needs 
 to be heard from his own lips to be fully appreciated. He was 
 called to adjust a loss "way down in the Jarsies," and relates his experi- 
 ence something in this wise : 
 
 His name was Levy. The goods general merchandise. Just 
 enough goods totally burned to make a claim on, besides an unlimited 
 claim for per cent, damage for smoke and water. He wanted $6,000 loss 
 and damage. "And I never will take one cent less, so hold me Moses." 
 I went to work in earnest, labored with his books, with only the success 
 of finding that his whole stock could not have been over $5,000. By 
 inventory of remaining stock, got the totally destroyed down to $1,000. 
 After laboring with him two days on the question of smoke and water 
 damage, I concluded to give him $3,000. Upon approaching that 
 amount in my investigation, he declared with hands upraised, "Oh, I am 
 r-r-r-ruined completely ; I am busted. I can never uphold any more 
 mine het in pizzness. I shall mine selluf hang." At last, when I told 
 him that it was the best I could do, he said, "Dot ruins me; but how 
 about the monish? Ven shall I that git, eh?" I told him I would draw 
 a draft on New York as soon as he signed the proofs, and swore to them. 
 "You vill at once a draft draw. Ish good dot draft, mine friend?" 
 "Perfectly, sir." "Vill you to the bank go, and get endorsed that 
 draft?" "I will." "To the bank we go, mine frent." So I went to 
 the bank with him, had the papers signed and sworn to, and gave him an 
 endorsed draft on New York. When done, he said, "Come to mine 
 house, mine frent. Ve will take some things mit mine frau." Having 
 
i $4 THE KNAPSACK 1889 
 
 sat down to a glass of extra dry, his frau asked, "Have settled you dot 
 insurance oop dare?" "Oh yes, we have settled for $3,000." "Oh, 
 mine Gott, mine Gott, ve was r-r-r-r-ruined. Mine Shakup, wot haf 
 you done?" "Never you mind mine frau," says Jacob. Then turning 
 tome he says: "Ve have settled that little matter, eh?" "Yes." 
 "You pays me three tousand tollars, eh ?" " Yes." "You von certified 
 draft gifs me, eh?" "Yes." "Veil, den, vot ish de matter wid dot?" 
 " Why, nothing, I hope." "Dot draft vill be paid, eh ?" "Yes ; it is as 
 good as paid now." "Veil, den, I tells you vot ish de matter with dot." 
 ' What is it ?" Putting his thumb to his nose, and twirling his fingers, he 
 said, with a laugh: "I dells you, Mr. Adjuster, vot ish de matter: I 
 beats you shust fifteen hundred tollars ! ' ' 
 
 MORE CALENDARS. 
 
 Not a new subject, Mr. Editor, but at the same time an ever-varying 
 one, especially as this year brings us a number of emblematic or allegor- 
 ical designs worthy of comment. Space and time limit us to a few. The 
 Glens Falls offer a suggestion of a "cold day," and since in the hands of 
 the present agents they are not likely to get "left" we conclude that they 
 are on the lookout for a "warming." The Long Island shows a picture 
 of an old woman threatening an imp with a switch ; we trust this does 
 not mean that they intend to "whip the devil around the stump." The 
 German-American have an elaborate and well-executed mythological 
 design, but it is so long since we prosecuted our studies in that direction, 
 that we are obliged to put our own interpretation on it, as follows : The 
 central figure, the Pythoness, being a soothsayer or fortune-teller, repre- 
 sents the "profit" expected for the year; the Spirit of the Air will furn- 
 ish the wherewithal for the blowing of the company's "road agents"; 
 the Earth indicates the sum of their desires, the fence being consider- 
 ately omitted; the Fire Spirit of the Lower Regions, or "Infernal Spirit," 
 represents the bad whiskey found on the road; and the semi-ichthyle 
 (consult your dictionaries, gentlemen) Water Spirit may mean that the com- 
 pany is still "in the swim," or more probably stands for the "fishy" 
 losses expected during the year. But the climax in allegory is reached 
 when we find our friends Mann and Wilson posing as angels, and distrib- 
 uting Continental policies to the world, though the safe indicates that 
 such action is not entirely disinterested. 
 
 Time and space forbid reference to others. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1890 
 
 EDITORIAL 1890. A. J. WETZLAR. 
 
 EDITORIAL. 
 FELLOW MEMBERS: 
 
 k NCE more the Knapsack greets you on this i4th anniversary of our 
 mutual regard, and as the editor tosses it off his shoulders and 
 unbuttons the straps, its weight calls loud attention to the fact 
 that you fellow-members (with a few noteworthy exceptions) have been, 
 as usual, derelict in your contributions, which bears sad testimony to the 
 fact that you are willing to partake of meats and sweetmeats dished out to 
 you regularly, without doing your share of support. This, therefore, in- 
 cites us to a loud and vigorous " protest and kick." Any particular part 
 of our annual observance should not be made a hardship upon the one 
 who is selected as editor, and who as a consistent member, cannot refuse 
 to act, and likewise, it never was intended to have the Knapsack pre- 
 sented as an individual paper or essay, but everybody is expected to con- 
 tribute something for the amusement, entertainment or instruction of the 
 members, which the editor is expected to collaborate in proper shape and 
 present to this Association. 
 
 "Expectancy!" How vain and transitory is the proposition. Were 
 it not for a few consistent, hard-working members of this Association the 
 Knapsack would now be buried with the past. 
 
 To all such contributors, the Association, through the editor, hereby 
 returns its thanks, and, so as to recompense them for their kind efforts, 
 it will, in this issue, with the kind assistance of Professors Lowden, 
 Gurrey, and George Grant, present to their astonished gaze such beauti- 
 ful spectacles as never were, shall or will be seen (again) on this side, or 
 on the other side of the Pacific ocean. In this superier effort they have 
 collected together a number of subjects, deservedly much-talked-of, 
 much-heard-of, ever-to-be-remembered, never-to-be-forgotten, and mirth- 
 provoking, simply as a warning to derelict contributors of what they may 
 expect if they do not respond handsomely hereafter. If, when this part of 
 the Knapsack is produced, the members will kindly refrain from hilarity, 
 they may save suspenders and vest buttons, and owing to the veil of 
 darkness that will hang over the audience, all jewelry and valuables 
 should, upon entry into the room, be given to the editor. The associate 
 
136 THE KNAPSACK 1890 
 
 editors and professors are alone responsible for anything that appears in 
 this issue, as the editor is at the present time doing the kicking. 
 
 In this issue we present to you essays upon scientific subjects from 
 the pen of celebrated writers, who have for years gone by been well paid 
 for their efforts. Whether at this time it will be necessary to create an 
 assessment to pay them will be left to your discretion and knowledge of 
 their financial condition. 
 
 The first essay is as follows : 
 
 The Coast Review ', January No., 1890, page 28, says : 
 
 "Does water burn at great fires ?" and quotes from a Chicago paper, 
 experience at last Boston fire, old firemen and other scientists, that "in- 
 tense heat resolves water into its original elements, and thereby adds fuel 
 to flames." 
 
 This theory is correct when applied to the Gulliverean stream of a 
 first-class city fire department (sprayed) thrown from a three-quarter or 
 inch nozzle, of the style of thirty years ago, into the burning mass of a 
 seven-story building 150 x 200 feet filled with merchandise manufactured, 
 unmanufactured and in process of manufacture but won't apply to the 
 stream thrown by the You Bet department. 
 
 The main part of the town of You Bet is where the big pipe leading to 
 the hydraulic mine crosses the Nevada City and Dutch Flat road. The 
 Corners, so-called, were occupied as hotel and saloon, saloon, brick gen- 
 eral merchandise store, whiskey included of K. & Co., and another 
 saloon. 
 
 When Red Dog burned, a fire department was suggested for You 
 Bet. To suggest was to act. 
 
 At the point where the big mining pipe crossed the road at The Corners, 
 there was a pressure of 160 pounds to the square inch; the supply was 
 3,000 miners' inches. 
 
 A connection was made by attaching to the i6-inch pipe a 12-inch 
 canvas hose banded with a three-quarter-inch manilla rope; to this was 
 attached a Little Giant monitor with a 5-inch nozzle mounted on two 
 logging-truck wheels, with a rear lever like a field gun to keep the hose 
 and nozzle from kicking or bucking. The hose was long enough, fifty 
 feet or so, to cover the business part of the town. 
 
 Bill Bangs, foreman of the hydraulic mine, was elected chief engineer. 
 Bill knew nothing about fire departments, but knew that a Giant nozzle of 
 that size, under that pressure would cut down a ico-foot cement gravel 
 bank, and pledged himself to knock hell out of any fire within range. 
 
 The fire department was ready for business. 
 
 During a dull season, at about 12 o'clock one night, forty or fifty pis- 
 
. f 
 
 UNIVERSITY 
 
 THE KNAPSACK 1890 
 
 tol shots called out the fire department. Four or five shots meant a fight; 
 forty or fifty, a fire. 
 
 Bill found smoke issuing around the edges of the iron doors of K. & 
 Co.'s store, brought the monitor to bear on the front of the building, and 
 gave orders to turn her loose and turn her loose they did. The stream 
 took doors, windows walls, front and rear, books, stock, furniture and 
 fixtures, safe included, out of the building and down into the canyon ; 
 cleaned the building, as the boys said, as clean as a shot-gun ; left only 
 the side walls. 
 
 The loss by fire was small ; the loss by smoke not reported ; but as 
 usual with a first-class country fire department, the loss by water took 
 the balance. Boots, shoes, clothing and other merchandise not more 
 hazardous, strewed the canyon for miles. 
 
 The special who, a year before, made a favorable report on that fire 
 department and water supply, and recommended a small appropriation 
 towards its support, and had gotten a special rate on and secured K. & 
 Co.'s risk, paid a total loss. He didn't know until then a fire department 
 could do such clean work ; but to the utter disgust of Bill Bangs (the 
 foreman), refused to entertain a motion for a further appropriation. 
 
 The You Bet stream would have been just right in the Boston fire ; 
 it would not have burned, and if thrown from a fair distance would have 
 been worth forty drizzling streams, whilst the ordinary fire stream would 
 have been good enough for You Bet. Both were misplaced, and the 
 companies stand the loss that's all. 
 
 ''DOWN WENT ." 
 
 THE RECORD OF A YEAR'S PACIFIC COAST UNDERWRITING. 
 
 Written by E. W. Carpenter, and Interpreted by him at the Annual Dinner of the Under- 
 writers' Association of the Pacitic, February 19th, 1890. 
 
 In the Spring of '89, 
 
 Underwriters, feeling fine, 
 Were anticipating profits, very tall ; 
 
 All the cinch bills had been killed, 
 
 Each his field had nicely tilled, 
 And expected a contingent in the Fall. 
 
 So ev'ry fire insurance man 
 
 To grab for prem'ums then began ; 
 Each strove to place his record near the top. 
 
 When Seattle, on the Sound, 
 
 Did every one astound, 
 And the hopes of all received a sudden drop. 
 
138 THE KNAPSACK 1890 
 
 Down went the entries in our register of fires, 
 
 And though we tried to smile, 'twas apparent all the while 
 That contingent, profit, hopes were burned in Puget's funeral pyres 
 Dressed in their best suit of clothes. 
 
 Then adjusters rushed pell mell 
 
 To that Northwest corner , well, 
 
 To Seattle, which for us had made it hot ; 
 
 Each intent on winning fame, 
 
 And a " promptest payment" name, 
 By cashing all his losses on the spot. 
 
 This was no sooner done, 
 
 And the "ads " had just begun 
 To announce the feats of those who felt so great, 
 
 When Spokane got her hold 
 
 Upon another pile of gold 
 In a way that made our mournful eyes dilate. 
 
 Down came the drafts which so enlarged the gaping hole 
 In our assets very small and extremely hard to call, 
 And we took the "sixty days" allowed where losses high did roll, 
 Dressed in our best suit of clothes. 
 
 Now we didn't rave and swear, 
 
 For none of us would dare 
 To do this save against the P. I. U. ; 
 
 But we all began to kick, 
 
 And to strive to find a trick 
 Which would swell our assets ere the year was through. 
 
 But then Bakersfield "chipped in ; " 
 
 Ellensburg next gave us sin ; 
 And we wondered if the fires would ever quit. 
 
 Our cash got low and lower 
 
 Then we drew on "home " for more, 
 Yet had nothing left except a little grit. 
 
 Down came the letters from headquarters far and near, 
 
 Asking what we meant if 'twas really our intent 
 To lay out all the companies upon a funeral bier, 
 Dressed in their best suit of clothes. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1890 139 
 
 Now the underwriter 's pale ; 
 
 Thought that '90 could not fail 
 To make amends for fiery '89 ; 
 
 When the smash of rules began 
 
 By that wicked "other man" 
 Who could not be coaxed or kicked into the line. 
 
 Then all were in despair, 
 
 And they madly pulled their hair 
 As they stood one day beside Lake Merrit dank ; 
 
 So they took the cut-rate knife 
 
 And, to settle all the strife, 
 Committed hari-kari on its bank. 
 
 Down went the bowels of our business in the lake 
 
 And the vital organs, too ; so that's why all of you 
 Are at the Maison Riche tonight assisting at its wake, 
 Dressed in your best suit of clothes. 
 
 LATELY a number of fire insurance agents and managers appeared 
 before the insurance committee of the Washington Legislature. Some of 
 them for and some against any legislation. Among the latter was the 
 secretary and manager of a local company not in very good odor with 
 the insuring public. When this gentleman got an opportunity to make 
 his speech he addressed the committee thusly: 
 
 1 ' Mr. Chairman and Gentlemen I am opposed to any legislation at 
 this time. If you knew how impossible it is for me to collect money from 
 my stockholders to pay our losses, you would understand that it would 
 be even harder to get them to put up any capital. " 
 
 CHARACTER SKETCHES. 
 DEARLY BELOVED: 
 
 HE Knapsack has for your entertainment on this fourteenth anni- 
 
 versary of our mutual regard, a series of pictures representing some 
 of our members in situations, striking but natural. "With charity 
 for all and malice toward none," we have tried to catch the prominent 
 characteristics, foibles, weaknesses, what you will, of the various subjects. 
 The accompanying lines received with each picture are intended to 
 be funny. Nobody but the author knows the agony of mind attending 
 this humorous effort. To be really witty, one must be without food, 
 money or friends ; when the stomach howls for recognition, the brain 
 takes on its most brilliant tone. What then can a well-fed editor hope 
 
140 
 
 THE KNAPSACK 1890 
 
 for in his attempts to draw pen pictures calculated to win an honest laugh 
 from an audience like this ? The cartoons from the brush of a well-known 
 special are excellent. 
 
 The photographic work by another well-known special is in his usual 
 finished style. 
 
 Hence, my friends, if you find a sentence here and there with more 
 sarcasm than fun, more personality than wit, please believe it to be in- 
 tended for innocent amusement ; at all events, it will " be all in the family, " 
 for our Eastern friends, editors of insurance journals, never publish the 
 proceedings of our wild and woolly Western Association. This may be 
 because we live so far away that what is funny in February, becomes thin 
 and weak in June. Or it may be part of the courtesy of journalism to ig- 
 nore what has been first published by a rival. 
 
 Whatever the cause, do not forget to promote the interests of the Pa- 
 cific Coast by claiming superiority in everything home born. 
 
 The idea of the lantern slides is new with this Knapsack, and such of 
 you as feel hurt, because you have not been held up to ridicule, can be 
 soothed with the thought that next year you will probably suffer double 
 abuse. 
 
 MR. WETZLAR'S INTERVIEW WITH MR. SHIPPEE. 
 
 Everybody knows something about the "harvester" case now on 
 trial at Stockton. Our artist has seized the moment when Mr. Wetzlar is 
 serving a subpoena upon Mr. Shippee. Mr. Wetzlar says : 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1890 
 
 141 
 
 " Sir, I am well aware that you do not entertain for me that high re- 
 gard which Stockton men usually have for gentlemen from San Francisco 
 (hold ! do not shoot yet) ! I am a representative of the United States Cir- 
 cuit Court (ah, you turn pale) ; in my hand I hold an order for your ap- 
 pearance before the Circuit Court in San Francisco. Although you have 
 no exalted opinion for me, still I know, sir, that you take an interest in 
 me. Personally, Mr. Shippee, I bear you no malice ; you are a good 
 man, if you do have fits (nay do not foam so menacingly). What our 
 insurance people most earnestly desire to know is how you can manu- 
 facture harvesters at a cost of $165, sell them for $137.50, and make a 
 profit of $40.70 ? " 
 
 To this Mr. Shippee replied, in that sweet-toned Sunday voice which 
 he carries with him: "I am just now particularly engaged, but if you 
 will step outside for a moment, I will explain your problem. " 
 
 In the second picture Mr. Wetzlar is described in the act of stepping 
 outside. 
 
 PETER OUTCALT. 
 
 Our next production needs no introduction, for who is there among 
 you that will not at a glance recognize our congenial friend and fellow- 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1890 
 
 member "Peter Outcalt," sometimes called "the Unabridged Webster." 
 Our artist caught him in Seattle, arguing with an obdurate claimant. 
 Peter is too gentlemanly to bulldoze ; he is merely explaining that he will 
 need a few figures from the claimant preliminary to making up his proofs 
 but let him speak for himself: " In the few remarks which I have had 
 the extreme satisfaction of placing in array before your mental vision 
 weak and futile though perchance they may ultimately prove to be I can 
 but hope, and do sincerely trust, that 'Altoego ' is not too prominently 
 characteristic to overshadow the impressions which I have, i ip$ifatoj 
 sought to make ; I should be recreant to those who do me the honor to 
 
 pay me my paltry stipendiary emolument, did I not grasp those matters 
 of difference so common between the parties of the first and second parts, 
 and finding the point of dissension get, as it were, ' right to its necktie ' 
 I will therefore be compelled to request of you to furnish the company a 
 tabulated, corroborative data, from which it may be possible to extract in 
 an analytical manner and summarize, as it were, your loss" 
 The claimant died next day. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1890 
 
 CHAS. W. DOHRMANN. 
 
 JlND-PENDENT RESTAUi 
 
 This subject of our illustration was born on the mutual plan, and 
 raised on a policy originating with his father a tontine whereby Charley 
 got all that was coming to him. He commenced his career as president 
 of a company, and having extracted all the credit and emoluments from 
 this humble beginning, started out into the general profession as a 
 "local" the envy of them all. The forked tongues of envious rivals 
 were continuously clipped by this modern Sampson, until today we find 
 him among the leading underwriters of the coast, and the general agent 
 of the baby company of our State. 
 
 "The Alta" Insurance Company is but an instrument in Charley's 
 hands, and the affection between the company and agent, as displayed in 
 the picture, proves that " one good turn deserves another," as there is as 
 much evidence of pleasure in the "Alta" as there is in Mr. Dohrmann. 
 
144 
 
 THE KNAPSACK 1890 
 
 A. R. GUNNISON. 
 
 Our artist here presents a subject ripe in years and full of honors 
 and yet, Mr. A. R. Gunnison is not too ripe, nor in his honorable career 
 has he ever been quite full. His gentle assurance to the claimant is 
 
 
 couched in the choicest legal language, to-wit: " It is clear, this fire was 
 not accidental ; the fact that no one was at home, that no fire had been 
 built in the place for a week, that your wife took her best dress and all 
 her jewelry when she went to town on a visit all this goes to show a 
 motive ; then, again, there was no insurance on the furniture, prima facie 
 evidence of a deep-laid plan to avert suspicion. I will give you one dol- 
 lar for your policy, not necessarily as an evidence of an adjustment, but 
 merely as a precautionary measure." 
 
 To this the claimant replied: "You come along with me, it ain't 
 far, only to the river ; I sized you up the minute I seen you ; says I, durn 
 a man who wears black gloves like he was at a funeral." 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1890 
 
 '45 
 
 FAYMONVILLE. 
 
 The next on exhibition is ye genial Faymonville Bernard, for short. 
 
 By his broad and massive brow ye shall know him as a most earnest 
 co-laborer. Our artist caught him in the field, where he was rushing 
 madly along the road from Tuscon to Quijotoa. It seems Faymonville 
 
 had heard at Tuscon that a man was contemplating the erection of a 
 store on that road, and with his usual eye to business, he rushed off to 
 secure the insurance, and the man as agent for his company. At one 
 time, Mr. F. belonged to the cream of the earth, to-wit : was a local 
 agent, notary public, coroner, justice of the peace and undertaker; in 
 
146 
 
 THE KNAPSACK 1890 
 
 fact, gathered honey all the day and raised cattle at night, when there was 
 no moon this he did for his health. His ambition, however, led 
 him to this city, and luckily for us, he is now safely housed with the 
 Firemans Fund. Under high temperature his massive brow troubles him 
 by the hair falling out, but in this great and glorious climate he thinks 
 clearly without reference to his every-day conversation. 
 
 MR. SEXTON. 
 
 This picture represents William Sexton feeding the lion ; one can 
 plainly see there is but one William Sexton and one lion. This animal 
 stood for quite a season on his exalted pedestal in front of Manager 
 
 Dornin's office one of the signs of the times but one day he came off 
 the perch and said he was too thin to fool the boys, so Assistant Keeper 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1890 
 
 '47 
 
 Sexton undertook the dangerous task of filling him up ; for this he was 
 particularly adapted, having associated with lions all his life, and being 
 something of an " intellectual monarch," himself. He stuffed the lion so 
 vigorously that digestion was impaired. The chemical action of the 
 stomach resembles that of a geyser spring, and the lion commenced to 
 steam and smoke, and give signs of internal fire. In short, his stock was 
 away off, but by judicious watering he regained his accustomed footing, 
 and is now "on deck" once more. 
 
 Sexton's "bete noir" is baggage; it is confidently asserted that 
 when he goes on a trip he puts a spare collar button in his grip and never 
 neglects to have it regularly sent to his laundry. 
 
 A. A. SNYDER. 
 
 Mr. A. A. Snyder or Professor Snidirini, sword-swallower and 
 magician (the professor always works in his pajamas) born, not made, 
 
 our hero left Maine, U. S. A., by merchant marine for la belle France at 
 a tender age. Here, amid the sunny slopes of that vine-clad land he con- 
 tracted an accent, together with that graceful repose of manner for which 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1890 
 
 he has since been truly notorious. After a protracted absence of seven 
 months, he returned to his native shore by the county road and canal route. 
 It was then he studied legerdemain. With him the sword is mightier 
 than the pen he can get away with the sword. This is also true of his 
 manipulation of the assured. Loved by all, he has had a correspondingly 
 active life. To be one of a select few when he orders a basket of wine is 
 to breathe indeed. 
 
 May the Lord bless him at His earliest convenience. 
 
 C. MASON KINNE. 
 
 Let all be hushed in quiet silence whilst the band plays "Marching 
 Through Georgia," for now will appear that great warrior in battle and 
 non-concurrent policies. 
 
 "Col. C. Mason Kinne," who has been in many frays and always 
 comes out unscathed and on top. Kinne is nothing if not consistent; an 
 enthusiast and scientist. As an adjuster he is a terror to the incendiary, 
 and as such is known sometimes as " Old Sneuth." 
 
 Our artist has caught him in Los Angeles in the act of making a dia- 
 gram of an incendiary's tracks. This diagram is elaborately drawn in 
 black, red, yellow, green and gold chalks, while an admiring crowd of 
 fellow-adjusters watch his every movement through the bars where they 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1890 
 
 149 
 
 feel quite at home. You will perceive that Kinne is measuring the tracks 
 with his celebrated rule g-inch ; and it is needless to add that he success- 
 fully tracked and convicted his man ; verdict, twenty-four years in State 
 Prison ; and you will next see his man in his present quarters. 
 
 Hello ! It appears our artist has made a mistake, and put ' ' Old 
 Sneuth" behind the bars! Will the colonel, if he is present, kindly ex- 
 plain how he got out? for virtue is its own reward. 
 
750 THE KNAPSACK 1891 
 
 EDITORIAL, 1891. GEO. F. GRANT. 
 
 EDITORIAL. 
 GENTLEMEN OF THE ASSOCIATION : 
 
 TT GIVE you greeting for the year 1891. The Knapsack may be a trifle 
 Jl empty. It may be even comparatively thin ; if so it is the easier to 
 
 bear. 
 
 Possess yourselves with patience; listen with becoming deference 
 and hide your emotions. It will soon be over. We do not write for the 
 Knapsack in hope of glory; for a truth, I don't know why we write for it, 
 but assuming it to be for some good object, why not a sermon in place of 
 an editorial? 
 
 A few years ago in Los Angeles, while walking to the Santa Fe de- 
 pot to take an early morning train, being in doubt, in spite of carefully 
 worded directions, I hailed a colored brother on the walk for further 
 proof of my bearings. 
 
 With a smile that lit up a broad expanse of glossy blackness he said, 
 "Keep a steppin', Colonel, keep a steppin' and you will get there." In 
 spite of the original manner of the directions, and the unusual sound of 
 the military title, which was enough in itself to distract everyday thought, 
 I detected at once in this speech, crystallized and glowing, a "gem." 
 "Keep a steppin' and you will get there." 
 
 Fix your eye upon the goal and never stop until you reach it. Do 
 not grow weary, or if weary do not give up ; where there is a will to 
 achieve there is a way to accomplish. 
 
 Fight it out on the line laid out if it takes the whole season. That is 
 the deduction I draw from the words of the smiling Ethiopian, who 
 thought to be simply good natured, nothing more. 
 
 From time to time epigrams crisp and clean-cut fall from the lips of 
 great men, who are thereby made so much the greater, and these words 
 live in the world's history, reappearing at intervals in print and speech to 
 point a moral. And so the modest words of my dusky friend fell upon 
 my ear, " Keep a steppin' and you will get there" ; a seed fallen by the 
 wayside which, springing up wet with morning dew and warm with noon- 
 day sun, putting forth leaves and blossoms until grown big enough to 
 delight the eye and give forth perfume free to all who pass that way ; so 
 these words took firm enough possession of my mind and stayed green 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1891 151 
 
 in my memory until now. Thus I give them to you for what they may 
 be worth. "Keep a steppin' and you will get there." Are you young in 
 the business, a special with your fortune all before you? Then you have 
 many and many a heartache yet to bear. 
 
 For that genial gentleman who is at the head of your office, although 
 himself once special agent and comparatively only yesterday hurrying 
 over the road at the direction of others to do the very same kind of busi- 
 ness he now sends you about, that same genial gentleman will hold you 
 to a strict accounting and rule you with a rod of iron long after the time 
 when you have proved to him that things have changed and he is the one 
 who is not up with the procession. 
 
 "Keep a steppin' and you will get there." The day will come when 
 you feel within yourself a strength born of hard and honest work. That 
 day is your emancipation. "Keep a steppin'," but try to remember when 
 you hold the lines and drive, there are other ways of getting the best out 
 of a willing horse besides plying the lash. 
 
 Are you an adjuster burning the lamp at night, with a wet towel 
 around an aching head, digging out the Kinne and the Sexton rule, having a 
 catch-as-catch-can encounter with non-concurrent puzzles and co-insur- 
 ance pigs in clover? 
 
 "Keep a steppin 1 and you will get there." Ten to one you know 
 more now than the celebrated authors you worship, for my dear plodding, 
 soft-hearted friend, it is not the man who knows everything that receives 
 the plaudits of his fellows, but the man who has the faculty of putting 
 what little he knows in a conspicuous place at the supreme moment 
 when eyes are turned his way. 
 
 "Keep a steppin' and you will get there." For there never was a 
 square adjuster in this world who did not attract attention to his office, 
 and some day in poring over the pages of this company's business the 
 directors will put you in a conspicuous place as a marker. 
 
 Are you a manager with honors thick upon you, while cares and 
 vexations sap your life and send you tired but sleepless to an exhausting 
 bed ? "Keep a steppin'," but take the Knapsack's advice : Don't try to 
 do the work you graduated from ; have the same faith in your clerks as 
 your employer used to have in you. Take a vacation once in a while; 
 pound your ear with the monotonous roar of the ocean surf, or the 
 whistling breeze of the mountain top. Don't try to do everything in one 
 day. Stop a moment and think. You are now on the shady side of life. 
 Your tastes are few, your habits are fixed, your form is set and you are 
 hardened ; you are a type, but you are not and have no right to be a 
 flint. " Keep a steppin'," for there is something for you to think of be- 
 
/ 5 2 THE KNAPSACK 1891 
 
 yond the success of this life. It will do you no harm and relieve those 
 about you, when you have resigned yourself to the thought that you can- 
 not live to carry out your cherished plans forever. There is somewhere 
 else to go. " Keep a steppin' and you will get there." 
 
 CAMP TEN. 
 
 ^NE day I received a telegram from San Francisco, requesting me to 
 meet the assured that night, take Marysville train with him and 
 
 proceed to Camp No. 10, and adjust a mill loss. The assured was a 
 total stranger to me, and I did not discover his identity until just before 
 we reached Oroville. It was then 2 o'clock in the morning ; we decided 
 on an early start and filled in the time until gray dawn lounging about 
 the hotel office talking in subdued tones for fear of disturbing sleeping 
 guests. The assured agreed to all my proposed plans and was in per- 
 fect accord with the smallest details. As we seated ourselves for an all- 
 day drive I thought "How seldom it happens that everything is so 
 harmonious." And yet there was an unsatisfied feeling within me ; after a 
 short attempt to analyze it I gave it up and turned my attention to the 
 assured as a study of human nature, a favorite pastime with me. 
 
 He was long and thin, over six feet in height, with no unusual ex- 
 pression of face. He had taken the lines when we started, and although 
 not an expert driver gave evidence of familiarity in handling a team. He 
 sat in a most uncomfortable position, for his legs were so long they had 
 to be doubled up in the space between the seat and the dash-board, and 
 he maintained the same cramped position all day long, working the 
 brake with his right hand. For a few minutes after we started he chatted 
 pleasantly enough but soon subsided and eventually answered my re- 
 marks in monosylables. 
 
 He did not care for the rugged and beautiful scenery along the road 5 
 the warmth of noon, the running brook, the gorgeous sunset, had no 
 charm for him. 
 
 He had consideration for the team in climbing an ascent, but rattled 
 down hill in a rapid, careless way, which caused me to regard him with 
 unusual scrutiny two or three times when we struck steep pitches ; al- 
 though he was aware of my eyes being on him a great part of the time, 
 he made no comment and appeared unconcerned. As we drew near the 
 "Mountain House," where we were to pass the night, he asked sud- 
 denly, in an anxious way, if there was a moon tonight? and seemed re- 
 lieved when I answered no. Why is it, I thought, as I dropped out of 
 
THE KNAPSACK 189! 153 
 
 the buggy at the tavern door, why is it that this very common-place per- 
 son disturbs my peace of mind. I shall be relieved when I go to bed 
 and shut him out of my thoughts. 
 
 The " Mountain House" was neither a dwelling nor a hotel. It was 
 a place where travelers to and from Camp No. 10 got a drop to drink and 
 a bite to eat ; the price paid should have been the equivalent of a downy 
 bed and an appetizing meal, but the reality, alas, how different ! Here 
 was a landlord to whom a pallet of straw was a dreamful couch, and a 
 dried-apple pie a luxury, but he gave his guests welcome with an air of 
 hospitality hearty and genuine. After the usual refreshment at the bar, 
 we went in to supper. Now for the first time I saw the assured without 
 head gear. His hair stood out thick and stiff all over his head, an envi- 
 able head of hair to a man of forty-five, but it seemed to neither add nor 
 detract from the appearance of this man, and once more I took myself to 
 task for the persistency with which I stuck to the idea that somehow he 
 was an unusual person. Leaving the table first, by accident I took up 
 his hat. It was so small it perched on my head like a child's hat. In a 
 moment he came out and settled it easily over his shock of hair. 
 
 "Well," I thought, "he is peculiar for his small head, if nothing 
 else." 
 
 The "Mountain House" had just one guest chamber, in which were 
 two beds. I was tired enough and the thought of an early start for a 
 round trip to Camp No. 10, caused me to turn in soon after supper. Di- 
 rectly in came the assured, walked over to the window and peered out, 
 muttering to himself, "no moon yet." Then he pulled a drawer from 
 the bureau, placed it on top of that article of furniture, so that the candle 
 light was shaded from my side of the room, got out a yellow-covered 
 novel, lit two or three extra candle ends which he took from a small 
 traveling bag and, for all I know, read until morning. Once or twice in 
 the night when I awoke he was still reading. As we took turn about 
 with the basin and towel next morning, he suddenly asked if I had 
 money with me. "Just enough for expenses," I replied. "All right, I 
 have plenty," he said. "See, this is where I hide it," and he pulled a 
 good-sized sack out of his pillow slip. 
 
 We spent that day at the scene of the fire, returning to the "Moun- 
 tain House," where the bureau drawer, the candles and a novel came in- 
 to use again. Once more we were at Oroville, and if my companion had 
 closed his eyes in sleep, I did not know it. 
 
 I spoke of the incidents of the trip to my family and, after a day or 
 two, forgot the subject, when one evening my wife gave an exclamation, 
 looked up from the newspaper she was reading and said, "this must be 
 the man who had a loss at Camp No. 10. Listen : 
 
154 THE KNAPSACK 1891 
 
 'Sensational proceedings for a divorce.' 'A husband shoots at his 
 wife because she is too lovely to live.' 
 
 1 Evidence of insanity.' 
 
 ' He takes a prominent citizen to Camp No. 10 on the plea of sell- 
 ing a mine.' 
 
 ' He lashes the team and throws away the lines.' 
 
 'Arrayed in his night clothes, he shoots at the moon through the 
 window of the ' Mountain House.' 
 
 'Curious testimony introduced.' 
 
 'Full particulars in to-morrow's issue.' " 
 
 MR. C. W. TAYLOR, a clever newspaper man of Puget Sound, writes 
 the following: 
 
 " Fire." 
 
 The wild cry rang out on the night air. Heads were thrust hastily 
 out of upper windows, excited voices uttered quick inquiries, and in the 
 distance was heard the clatter of the engines coming nearer and nearer. 
 From a large building around the corner huge volumes of dense smoke 
 poured forth. The whole floor was on fire. The flames had not as yet 
 communicated to any of the floors above. 
 
 Nearer and nearer came the engines. They reached the scene. The 
 firemen sprang to their task with alacrity. 
 
 But an unforeseen contingency presented itself. There was no water. 
 In vain the faithful men made the requisite connection of hose and water 
 plug. In vain the engines throbbed with superhuman energy. Some- 
 thing had happened at the water works. 
 
 "Must I stand by and see my house burnt to the ground?" shouted 
 the owner of the building, with tears in his voice. " Can nothing be 
 done?" 
 
 The chief of the fire department shook his head. He looked help- 
 lessly at the crowd that had gathered. 
 
 Suddenly a great light shone in his eyes. With the quickness of a 
 man trained to act in emergencies he darted into the crowd. 
 
 There was a sound of rapid scuffling, angry protest and loud threats, 
 and the chief emerged from the crowd with a large bundle in his arms. 
 
 Calling imperiously to his men he ordered the front doors of the 
 building to be broken open. 
 
 It seemed like the freak of a crazy man, but the order was obeyed. 
 With a yell of triumph the chief sprang into the burning building, fol- 
 lowed by his men. Grimy, choked and blinded by smoke, but victori- 
 ous, they came out a few minutes afterwards, and the chief gave orders to 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1891 755 
 
 return. He had smothered the flames with the trousers of an English 
 tourist. 
 
 It is painful for me to make diagrams for other people's jokes, but 
 the fact is these were traveling trousers. 
 
 That is why the flames were checked. ED. KNAPSACK. 
 
 EXTRAORDINARY CASE. 
 
 YOU ask me to give you the most extraordinary case of adjustment 
 in my experience. I will do so, but it will prove disappointing. 
 In all my experience during a long period of years this case stands 
 by itself; nothing like it has come under my observation. 
 
 In the winter of '85 a loss occurred of which I received notice, and 
 as quickly as circumstances would permit I went to the spot, arriving 
 four or five days after the fire. No sooner had I registered at the hotel 
 than a clean, fresh-shaved, gentlemanly-looking man of middle age intro- 
 duced himself as John Butler, of the firm of Butler Bros., the assured. 
 With great good nature and perfect composure he awaited my conven- 
 ience, answering questions quickly and pertinently meanwhile. He 
 agreed to follow all my directions, and was so very willing that I mis- 
 trusted him from the first. 
 
 He conducted me to a building to which his stock had been removed 
 and introduced his brother James, who, if possible, was more smooth and 
 plausible than John. As I glanced along the shelves and over the coun- 
 ters my eyes took in hastily a well-assorted stock of dry goods neatly ar- 
 ranged, and to all appearances fresh and clean. "What is your claim," 
 I asked. "A trifle over twelve hundred dollars," was the reply. I said 
 nothing, but thought, "You will have a sweet time with this precious 
 pair before you are done." Mechanically I went through the usual words 
 demanding an appraisement, at the same time mentally calculating the 
 expense of bringing my appraiser from home. "Will you look at this 
 inventory," said James. "We have just finished it; John and I hardly 
 knew what to do, but concluded to go ahead as if we had no insurance. 
 We have taken account of stock and placed our assessment of damage in 
 this column here ; the woolens, white goods, silks and what not are 
 classed by themselves; suppose you examine a piece here and 
 there and see how it strikes you." Eyeing him sharply I complied ; we 
 went from place to place according to my direction. Every measure- 
 ment came out to a fraction. With most of the pieces I found about a 
 yard cut off ; this was the outside wrap which was damaged by heat and 
 
/5<5 THE KNAPSACK 1891 
 
 smoke. I was puzzled and my wits were hard at work I can tell you. 
 " Suppose we visit the seat of the fire," I said. The fire started in a 
 building next door to my claimants in the second story. On entering, 
 the usual odor greeted my nose; here was a scene of ruin and confusion, 
 boxes and cartons blackened and broken, wet ceiling and sloppy floor. 
 "Did you get everything out," I asked. "Yes," said James, "we did, 
 and a hard time we had. We worked all night long the first night, and I 
 thought John would be on the sick list sure." 
 
 With a gleam of sense penetrating my foggy brain I asked for their 
 books of account. "Check, tally, check, tally," everything ship shape 
 and in good order. "See here," I said desperately, "can you make an 
 affidavit that your loss is twelve hundred dollars?" "Well, no," said 
 James, "John has just reminded me that our cost mark is loaded ten per 
 cent. We will have to make allowance for that." I looked at him 
 helplessly all at once I took in the situation. All at once I saw the 
 whole thing as clear as day. 
 
 The men were honest ; now I was on the right track, and I followed 
 it up carefully and proved that I was right. We had no appraisers from 
 home that trip; we had no appraisers at all. It is the only case of the 
 kind I ever met. 
 
 IN AN interior New York town, the local agent of a fire insurance 
 company is stone blind, and has been so for years, while some of the 
 officers to whom he reports are not aware of his loss of sight. (Exchange.) 
 
 "Here's a state of things." It is an even bet that this man knows 
 more about a hazard and sends in a better description of property than 
 the average agent. 
 
 He gets his information of a risk from his young son, and gives it 
 more thought than if his eyes were open. 
 
 At the same time, what kind of an outfit is a company having this 
 agent for years and never sending a special to find out how blind he is ? 
 
 A CERTAIN manager, whom we will call Mr. X, not because he is, 
 but because we wish him to be unknown, dropped into his agent's office 
 in a town in the Northwest. The agent said : "Mr. X, I wish you would 
 look at that veneered brick building down there and tell me what line 
 you want on it?" So away posted X, and soon returned with the reply 
 that he had tried the bricks with his knife and really could not see any 
 difference between veneered bricks and any other, so would carry as 
 heavy a line on that building as on any in town. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1891 757 
 
 OLD JOE BROWN. 
 
 HAVING on a recent trip occasion to use a team, and thinking to secure 
 a premium, I asked the stable man if he was insured. His urbane 
 and deferential manner changed at once. "No," he savagely 
 said, "I'm not insured, and what's more, I never will take out a policy 
 on my barn again." He was a subject for me and the following story is 
 the result: 
 
 " Did you see that blackened ruin as you came into town?" said the 
 stable man. "That used to be my barn. When the hotel caught fire it 
 set my barn off. It was a good, substantial building, put up in the solid, 
 old-fashioned way, and I kept it painted and repaired so that it looked 
 every bit as well as this stable we are in now. Well, I had a policy of 
 five thousand dollars on the building and I felt pretty good, for we had a 
 chance at the fire to run out all the stock and most of the wagons. 
 
 " In a day or two, along came an adjuster, a nice, pleasant fellow, 
 very kind and sympathetic, and as full of talk as a political speaker. 
 ' Now,' he said, ' what you want to do is to pick out the best carpenter in 
 town. I will get another, and whatever these two men agree is the cash 
 value of the building, you and I will stand by.' 
 
 " Nothing could be fairer than that, so I picked out old Joe Brown 
 and the adjuster brought in a mild-spoken stranger, and we signed papers 
 and swore before a notary, until all hands were tied up as tight as a 
 bottle with the cork in. 
 
 ' ' The adjuster and I agreed to keep away from the appraisers and 
 let them work out the figures. It took a good deal longer than I ex- 
 pected ; so when the adjuster said it was 10 o'clock and about his bed 
 time, I decided to turn in, too, and get the figures in the morning. I had 
 a room at the hotel, and it so happened the mild-spoken stranger had 
 the room adjoining, and he and Joe Brown were working there. After I 
 had gone to bed I heard them talking. There was an old stovepipe hole 
 in the partition and every word was plain and clear. They were as 
 friendly as kittens, and Joe seemed to have things all his own way. So 
 finally they footed it all up, and it came to a little over six thousand dol- 
 lars no dispute, all fair and square, and Joe was about to fill up the 
 papers, when the mild-spoken stranger said, ' Now, we have to deduct 
 the depreciation.' 'O, yes,' said Joe. 'I quite forgot the depreciation.' 
 1 Ah,' said the stranger, ' it is easy to see you have had great experience 
 in appraising losses. I noticed all along your adaptability.' 'Well,' said 
 Joe in a pleased voice, ' I have had more or less to do with making up 
 figures on losses, but mostly with men who would steal the coppers off a 
 dead man's eyes. Now, you are as fair a figurer as I ever saw in my life.' 
 
i $8 THE KNAPSACK 1891 
 
 The stranger gave a little cough and he said, 'Well, that is my reputation, 
 and I try to live up to it. By the way, have you your Tiffany with you ? ' 
 'How is that?' said Joe. 'You see,' said the stranger, talking right 
 along and paying no attention to what Joe said, 'in this matter of de- 
 preciation, Tiffany of New York is recognized as authority by all of us 
 expert builders and contractors.' 'Oh, yes,' said Joe, 'yes indeed, he is 
 so.' 'Tiffany,' continued the stranger, 'has devoted the best part of a 
 well-spent life to the study of depreciation. As you know, he has it down 
 to the fraction of a hair, and when Tiffany says a thing, it is recognized 
 as a fixed rule.' 
 
 " 4 So much so,' said Joe, breaking in, ' that I would just bet my life 
 on Tiffany being right every time.' 
 
 " ' Let me see,' said the stranger, ' I have mislaid my copy ; do you 
 happen to have Tiffany's book with you?' 
 
 "'Well, no, not here,' said'Joe, 'I always keep a copy at the shop, 
 and one over at the house.' 
 
 "Here the stranger had a coughing spell that nearly took his head 
 off. When he got his breath he went over to the adjuster's room after 
 the book. If it had not been for my agreement to keep away I would 
 have told Joe right there to hurry up and give me a chance to go to 
 sleep. 
 
 "The stranger soon came back with the book, then he rustled 
 around among the papers, and finally he said, ' Where is that paper that 
 tells how old the building is ? ' 
 
 '"Here it is,' said Joe Brown; 'that building was put up in the fall 
 of 1870; that makes it let me see, seventy eighty ninety that makes 
 it just twenty years old.' 'Why, so it does,' said the stranger, as inno- 
 cent as a child. 'Just look here, Brown, and see if the depreciation is as 
 much on a barn as on a dwelling.' 
 
 "Joe took the book and shuffled over the leaves for some time, 
 while the stranger was writing, then he said something about his eyes 
 troubling him at night, and gave the book back. 
 
 "'Ah,' said the stranger, ' that is the only thing I have against Tif- 
 fany. He will print his book with such fine type. He ought to give a 
 magnifying glass with each copy. By the way, is your copy like mine ? ' 
 
 " ' Just exactly the same,' said Joe Brown hastily. 
 
 " ' Let me see,' said the stranger. ' Depreciation depreciation ah, 
 here it is on page 389. I will read it: 'Frame, livery, hotel, sale and 
 boarding stables depreciate annually 4 per cent.' ' 
 
 " ' Does it say 4 per cent.? ' said Brown. 
 
 " ' Yes. Here, see for yourself ; and on page 384 it says : ' It should 
 be remembered that all percentages on buildings are based on the actual 
 
77/E KNAPSACK 1891 159 
 
 life of the building, while any repairs, such as painting, renewing the 
 roof, siding or flooring, should be credited to the building, and the per 
 cent, of depreciation reduced to correspond, for the reason that the build- 
 ing to the extent of the repairs has been renewed.' That is clear enough, 
 don't you think?' 
 
 '"Well, yes,' said old Brown, sort of hesitatingly, 'that seems clear.' 
 
 " ' Well, now,' continued the other, 'in this case the question is, has 
 he kept up the repairs ? ' 
 
 " ' Yes,' said Joe, ' he has. The barn was in first-class condition.' 
 
 " 'That being the case,' went on the stranger, 'we are safe in allow- 
 ing one per cent, a year, which leaves three per cent, depreciation per 
 annum, or for twenty years sixty per cent. I am disposed to be liberal in 
 this, as I have heretofore been, all the way through. Say we call it fifty 
 per cent, and give the poor man the benefit of the doubt.' 
 
 '"That seems very fair, indeed,' said old Joe Brown. 
 
 "While they were talking, it seemed to me everything was going my 
 way, but when they stopped talking and went to writing, I commenced 
 figuring up in my mind. I am not very quick at figures, so about the 
 time they went out together, I had found that my five-thousand-dollar 
 policy was worth about three thousand dollars. I jumped up and dressed 
 mighty quick and went hunting for Joe. Pretty soon I met the mild- 
 spoken stranger. 
 
 "'Hello,' said he, 'how are you? Your appraiser has just gone 
 home. We have fixed up our papers and have been down to the notary 
 public's office. They are all sworn to and I shall be off by the next 
 train. Why, what's the matter with you ?' he said. ' Don't you feel well?' 
 
 "'No,' said I, 'I am sick.' 
 
 "The next day we went over the whole ground and I signed their 
 papers. I tell you I was afraid if I waited a day or two they would bring 
 me out in debt. After it was over I tackled old Brown. When he got as 
 far along as quoting Tiffany, I just snorted. 'Darn your fool skin, Joe 
 Brown,' said I, 'you never knew there was such a man as Tiffany in the 
 world till that doggoned stranger came here. Don't you know, you old 
 mud-turtle, that Tiffany is a big jeweler and never saw a jack plane in 
 his life?' And all old Joe Brown said was, 'I want to know.' " 
 
 "No," SAID the parson, "we will not have our church building in- 
 sured. Such an act would, in my humble mind, show a disposition to fly 
 in the face of Providence. We can trust God to look out for His own 
 temple." 
 
 "Well," said the timid solicitor, "you may be willing to trust Him 
 
160 THE KNAPSACK 1891 
 
 on the fire hazard, but I see you are afraid of Him on the lightning ques- 
 tion," and he pointed to the nickel-plated rods on the church spire. 
 
 AS OTHERS SEE US. 
 
 THERE were a number of adjusters located at the "Golden Eagle" 
 at Sacramento one time. It was not so much of a loss, nor were 
 there suspicious circumstances ; two men could have completed 
 the adjustment in one day, but the officers in San Francisco could not 
 seem to agree, and each company had a representative of some sort on 
 the ground, ranging from office boy to manager ; what between "com- 
 mittee work" and individual opinion the assured was in a highly nervous 
 state. 
 
 While the committee meeting was in session I walked out to that 
 part of the town near which the loss occurred, taking the assured with 
 me. He was a Southerner and had put his darkey boy Sam in charge of 
 the place as watchman. Sam had followed the colonel and shared his 
 fortune since away back in slavery days. He was a typical plantation 
 hand and always spoke of himself as a "nigger." After inspecting the 
 ruins and just as we turned to leave, the colonel said, "By the way, 
 Sam, have you seen any of those underwriters about here?" "No, sar; 
 no, sar," said Sam, "haben't seen 'em, sar; spec its too late in the spring 
 for 'em, sar." We smiled, and the colonel said, "Why, you rascal, you 
 don't know an underwriter when you see him?" 
 
 "Oh yes, sar, I know 'em." "Well, what is an underwriter," said 
 the colonel with mock severity. 
 
 Sam looked scared ; he began to lose confidence in his own knowl- 
 edge. Big beads of perspiration stood on his brow, he rolled his eyes 
 rapidly and breathed hard. " I can't jest call his name," said he, "but 
 he's an animal, sar; he's an animal, an' he lib in the watah, an' he dig, 
 an' he dig, an' he dig, an' he burrow, an' he burrow, an' he burrow, an' 
 bimeby the watah git in whar he been, an' the levee break ; oh, yes, sar, 
 I see plenty in Louisiana ; he bad thing to hab 'round, sar." 
 
 "I begin to think so," said the colonel musingly, as we strolled back 
 to meet the band of the faithful quartered at the "Golden Eagle." 
 
 QUERIES. 
 
 Q. What is a general agent? 
 
 A. A general agent is one who combines theory and practice ; the 
 theory is for the home office, the practice for the country agents. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1891 161 
 
 Q. What is a "local secretary?" 
 
 A. A conundrum which, although no one can guess, is not given 
 up. 
 
 Q. What is a special agent ? 
 
 A. One who makes or mars the business of a department, but who 
 shares only in the reverses of the department. 
 
 Q. What is a local agent ? 
 
 A. He who sells premiums to the general agent. 
 
 Q. What is a broker? 
 
 A. A broker is the person who eats his pie and still has it. 
 
 Q. What is a Knapsack f 
 
 A. An annual publication in which appears the dullest thoughts of 
 the "brightest minds in the profession." 
 
 Q. What is salvage ? 
 
 A. A term used in marine insurance, sometimes improperly used in 
 fire insurance, in which event it is that part for which a company has paid 
 a total loss but which is subsequently dug out of the ruins and sold by 
 the assured, for the benefit of the assured, without publicity. 
 
 Q. What is the future of fire insurance? 
 
 A. Ask me something else partner. I have been in the business 
 twenty-five years, and I don't know. 
 
 WHAT is the moral hazard ? 
 
 "This," writes a new agent, "is an unusual question to me; I do 
 not understand it. If you mean Mrs. Jane Doe, the assured, she is 
 O. K." 
 
 Another, where a Methodist church building was the risk, answered 
 the same question as follows : 
 
 " My wife is a member of this church," but he did not say what the 
 moral hazard might be. 
 
 IST OREGON CITIZEN I thought you told me the adjuster who came 
 down here was one of the right kind. 
 
 2d Oregon Citizen So I understood ; what is there wrong with him ? 
 
 ist Oregon Citizen He called me a thief and a liar and an incen- 
 diary, and every hard word he could lay his tongue to. 
 
 2d Oregon Citizen Why don't you have the law on him? 
 
 ist Oregon Citizen Because he can prove it. 
 
162 THE KNAPSACK i8gi 
 
 THE following is taken from the page of a ledger, recently used in 
 the adjustment of a drug store loss at a remote village. 
 
 The spelling is laughable, but the real humor of the thing is grim 
 enough. He who runs can read the lesson therein contained. Don't 
 monkey with drugs. 
 
 April 28. Hals Basom $i oo 
 
 " 30. Wizerd Oil i oo 
 
 May i. Hales Hot Tar 50 
 
 2. Spung 15 
 
 Asid Phosfat 50 
 
 syrip Figes i oo 
 
 3. Citrat Magnica 25 
 
 Coton and Linament 25 
 
 Gargel 25 
 
 4. Asavitedy 5 
 
 Scitlitz Powers 25 
 
 Tetegrof for doctor 25 
 
 May 5. Perscripshun i oo 
 
 Syring i 25 
 
 Perscripshun 50 
 
 Bed pan 75 
 
 6. Perscripshun 15 
 
 7. do " ioo 
 
 ii 90 
 May 8. DED. 
 
 TOjTAKE EFFECT AT ONCE. 
 
 There is a stringent regulation of the P. I. U. 
 
 And I'd like to see it take effect at once ; 
 That rebates shall not be made, to the many or the few 
 
 And I 'd like to see it take effect at once. 
 It's as grand a prohibition as anyone could frame, 
 
 And those who fail to heed it are very much to blame, 
 Who breaks this righteous rule should feel the blush of shame- 
 
 And I'd like to see it take effect at once. 
 
 There 's another resolution that really should be passed 
 
 And I 'd like to see it take effect at once ; 
 It 's fully as important as the one I spoke of last 
 
 And I 'd like to see it take effect at once. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1891 163 
 
 Let all policies be canceled if not paid in sixty days, 
 
 And withdraw those useful papers from their anxious owners' gaze 
 This vote should be unanimous without the usual nays 
 
 And I 'd like to see it take effect at once. 
 
 And now to be consistent let me name another plan 
 
 And I 'd like to see it take effect at once; 
 It 's as fair for each one of you as for any other man 
 
 And I 'd like to see it take effect at once. 
 When your losses are adjusted and ready to be paid, 
 
 Either cash should be forthcoming or a certain limit made ; 
 Uniformity of action on a basis that 's well weighed 
 
 And I 'd like to see it take effect at once. 
 
 There 's a sensible decision that the managers could make 
 
 And I 'd like to see it take effect at once ; 
 This concerns the special agent it is only for his sake 
 
 And I 'd like to see it take effect at once. 
 Give that useful creature rest when he comes into the city ; 
 
 Don 't worry him with work, but have a little pity ; 
 Don 't make his trips so long but heed this warning ditty 
 
 And I 'd like to see it take effect at once. 
 
 In closing let me now propose a comprehensive toast 
 
 And I 'd like to see it take effect at once; 
 It's aim is somewhat scattering for it covers the whole coast 
 
 And I 'd like to see it take effect at once. 
 Here 's to one who in this business swings the balance of all power ; 
 
 Who wrestles with his customers and with ratings hour by hour ; 
 The local ! may sound judgment be his everlasting dower 
 
 And I 'd like to see it take effect at once. 
 
 NILES. 
 
164 THE KNAPSACK 1892 
 
 EDITORIAL, 1892. GEO. F. GRANT. 
 
 EDITORIAL. 
 
 AS a matter of course, the editorial of the Knapsack is intended as a 
 moral and philosophical guide, but a guide to the young only. 
 This is so for two reasons, the first being that the simple fact of 
 my having lived for more years than the boy pupil gives the advantage of 
 an experience which he cannot claim ; hence, he takes my advice believ- 
 ing it to be wisdom, and has faith that my deductions are sound ; 
 secondly, my elders bless their intellectual bodies have no use for ad- 
 vice in their business. Now, in this edition of the Knapsack, it will be 
 my object to warn my young friends against a common condition of 
 mind, which, unchecked or unrestrained, leads on to a disagreeable habit 
 of thought, and in time may develop the " Fuddydud." A "Fuddydud," 
 as I know him, is a man who shares an opinion with himself but with no 
 other person ; still he is quite willing that everybody should know what 
 his opinion' is. As there are no female "Fuddyduds," there is no 
 propagation of the species. He is not confined to any trade, profession 
 or calling, and his presence among underwriters is merely incidental. 
 Although, according to holy writ, "A fool is known by his folly," a 
 young fool often escapes notice ; so with the ' ' Fuddydud " ; he is not 
 ripe as a rule before the noontide of life. The signs whereby you shall 
 know him vary, and I will cite but one or two for purposes of recogni- 
 tion. At a meeting of importance called to consider some matter of mu- 
 tual interest, at a critical crisis he will speak to the ' ' question ' ' at some 
 length and get the eye of the chair at least three times ; thus he can ring 
 the changes on his individual opinions without stint, and he contrives to 
 lend a humorous turn to affairs by a pun or a joke, which was jolly before 
 it had the grippe. The "Fuddydud" always attempts to wear what is 
 known as "a merry twinkle of the eye," but which is more likely to be, 
 as Hamlet says, "a fitful havior of the visage." He is profound on sub- 
 jects where personal experiences are allowed, but dumb and silent when 
 quick wit and decisive action are most needed. There are moments, 
 however, when he shines, and that is when he is acting as a peacemaker ; 
 but, my young friends, the fact remains, that you can be a peacemaker 
 without being a "Fuddydud." 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1892 165 
 
 There are a great many good people who do not know a " Fuddy- 
 dud" when they meet one, and they misjudge him, classing him in their 
 minds as a self-opinionated ass or an egotistical bore, or some such 
 common place type, which is wrong and really an injustice to the " Fud- 
 dydud," who is of a different species and a higher family. One pleasant 
 feature of the case is that oftentimes those who knew him well before he 
 contracted the habit are blind to his "fuddydudism," and see him only 
 as they used to know him in the golden past, when his large heart and 
 broad views gave joy and satisfaction to no end of friends. My object, 
 my dear young friends, is to warn you while there is time, just as I would 
 advise you to be grammatical in your speech, because it is the habit of 
 good society, or because it saves you a burning blush of shame-faced con- 
 fusion, as is the case when your honest-hearted girl corrects your English. 
 There is one kind of "Fuddydud," however, with whom I have no pa- 
 tience; he is the bold, aggressive bulldozer, who, knowing of his "fud- 
 dydud " habit, still jams it down your throat, so to speak, in order to see 
 you wriggle, just as little boys cut angle worms in two. But after all, dear 
 friend, if you are growing into that kind of a man, it matters little what 
 the Knapsack thinks or has to say on the subject ; a spade is a spade and 
 a brute is a brute the world over. I have been told that the most offen- 
 sive kind of a "Fuddydud" is one who edits a paper. I have had so 
 little experience in such business that I do not know, but, really, I hope 
 it is not true. 
 
 THE following letter from a Chicago special will prove spicy reading. 
 He adjusted losses in a camp for several companies, some of whose 
 agents report East and some West : 
 
 Dear Sir: Many thanks for your letter of introduction. This is a 
 great place and a great people. The first day of my arrival I was pre- 
 sented to ten citizens, classified as follows: Three generals, four 
 colonels, two captains, one private. 
 
 I hardly liked to ask these officers where they won their straps, but I 
 learned incidentally that one of the generals got his title from the fact 
 that he was "general freight agent" of the P. I. & Z. Railroad, and that 
 all of the colonels were from Kentucky. This seems to account for the 
 "C. J. Society," of which I soon became a member by acclamation. 
 The only qualification necessary to join the " Corn Juice Society" is the 
 ability to take seven drinks between lunch and dinner. 
 
 The one private mentioned is your agent, who seems to have tactics 
 at his fingers' ends. With his assistance I was enabled to adjust the loss 
 with satisfaction to all concerned. 
 
1 66 THE KNAPSACK 1892 
 
 CIMEX LECTULARIOUS. 
 
 THE time has come to give to the Knapsack the story of my err 
 counter with the cimex lectularious. It is true I had met him in a 
 more or less familiar way here and there, but until now I had 
 failed to be impressed by him, and had never felt a sensation of fear in 
 his presence. The other incidents of the trip (for of course it was a 
 special trip) were sufficiently varied and startling, but the whole would 
 have been tame and soon forgotten but for the cimex lectularious. It 
 was just at the end of summer. There was but one train each day to and 
 from Los Angeles, and by the time-card one could plainly see that from 
 Modesto to Tulare the arrivals and departures were at unseasonable 
 hours. A stay of twenty-four hours in each town and broken rest every 
 night is enough to rasp the nerve and spoil the temper of the best-natured 
 man in the business. Such was my trip and it was five o'clock one 
 morning when I reached Visalia, too early for breakfast and too late to 
 go to bed, which I would have liked well enough, for I had dozed against 
 a stiff-backed day coach since two o'clock. It is plain to me now that I 
 had no more sense than to wear myself out voluntarily ; and I was yet 
 too new in the work to secure a good room immediately on arrival. 
 During the day the usual inspection, adulation and devotion served to 
 keep things going at a lively pace ; but after supper nothing but thoughts 
 of bedtime and slumber were in my mind. I paid little attention to the 
 landlord's words of apology, "the last room in the house, grangers' con- 
 vention in town, do better to-morrow," and all the rest of it. The room 
 had a bed and a window ; that was enough ; then again there was a 
 mosquito netting like a huge tent over my couch, the better for undis- 
 turbed sleep I thought. I did not even growl at the half inch of candle. 
 What matter? I only wanted it long enough to strip off my day clothes. 
 Oh, the delight of that half-minute of wakeful bliss just before your eyes 
 close for the last time and your limbs stretch out in a cool new spot, 
 restful and free. 
 
 How long I slept I can't say, perhaps two hours, when of a sud- 
 den I was wide, staring awake; no noise, not a sound, save a distant 
 clock with a giddy, rapid tick, and yet I was alarmed, mentally disturbed. 
 What was it? I felt "creepy," as the girls say; before I knew it I was 
 out on the floor with the candle lighted. I looked out of the window ; 
 nothing to be seen but bright moonlight and black shadow. Uncertain, 
 yet firmly, I inspected the bed. Horrors ! What a sight! It was given 
 over body and bolster to the cimex lectularious. He climbed the can- 
 opy in numbers. He was marshaled in company front on the pillow- 
 case, and performed military maneuvers on the counterpane. Hundreds, 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1892 167 
 
 yes, there were thousands of them, every one of them at home and re- 
 ceiving visitors. To gather up my clothes and shake them carefully in 
 the hall was the work of a moment. Descending, I found a knot of owl- 
 like grangers talking mule. If there is an unprofitable subject outside 
 a race-track it is horse talk. With some irritation I took a seat under 
 the porch with my back against a post and my feet in a chair. I slept 
 like a top until all at once my feet dropped with a dull thud ; and the 
 voice of the clerk, he who had pulled away the chair, said something 
 about "time to lock up." For a few moments the resounding air was 
 alive with my burning words, until the clerk, who was not more than 
 half full, realized that it was a sober man who talked so earnestly. With 
 something of an apology he yielded the chair and locked me out of the 
 hotel. As the sound of his receding footsteps died away I was once 
 more asleep.' The exact hour of my next awaking is unknown, but in a 
 bewildered and helpless way I was conscious of much light without the 
 power to distinguish objects. While engaged in a futile endeavor to 
 drive something from in front of my eyes I heard a deep voice growling 
 out a demand to know what I did there. In time I beheld a person with 
 a bull's-eye lantern. He proved to be the night-watch ; in fact the entire 
 police force stood before me. He was uniformed in an Iverness cloak, 
 slouch hat and carpet slippers, and was armed with a crooked-necked 
 cane. I rose and requested the department to be seated while I related 
 my story. When I told the experience with the cimex lectularious he 
 was convulsed with laughter, and made such an outrageous noise that I 
 was obliged to arrest him ; but soon he departed on his own recogni- 
 zance in order that he might finish his beat. From time to time he re- 
 turned, and each time woke me up to inquire how I was getting on now. 
 On these occasions he swept my feet off the chair quite easily and seated 
 himself for a chat. 
 
 I was dreamily comparing him in my sleepy mind with the hero in 
 the play called "Nick of the Woods." This hero held the stage during 
 most of the performance, and moved about with a step which was often 
 referred to as "soft as a panther's tread." While I was groping for in- 
 formation which would explain why the Jibernanessy should carry a dark 
 lantern I became once more conscious. This time my friend had chosen 
 to seat himself without removing my feet, and while I struggled to re- 
 cover them I talked some plain American language to more fully illus- 
 trate what I thought. Imagine my surprise when a cheerful but strange 
 voice replied in pretty much the same strain as the form of my own ad- 
 dress. This voice gave evidence of indulgence in strong liquor ; and I 
 was not much surprised when an invitation to go and take a drink fol- 
 lowed. In order to gain time I engaged the last arrival in conversation, 
 
168 THE KNAPSACK 1892 
 
 and soon learned more of his past, present and anticipated future than 
 often falls to the lot of a mere chance acquaintance. After parrying the 
 invitation to drink several times, my companion, after fumbling in his 
 clothes, brought out a bright, shining six-shooter, which he held in a 
 wavering, uncertain grasp, at the same time saying in a decided tone, 
 " My young friend, you come along with me and drink." "Why, cer- 
 tainly," I answered, springing to my feet, "which way?" "This way," 
 he answered, pointing his weapon over the face of the country. Grab- 
 bing him on the off side of his pistol arm I helped him over to the grog- 
 gery, which fortunataly was closed. 
 
 He was quite indignant that the bar-keeper should dare to lock up 
 the place, and commenced to get ugly. Acting on a thought I suggested 
 that he should go to the bar-keeper's house while I remained to keep 
 guard over the saloon. After considering this proposal with solemn 
 gravity he decided not only to perform his part, but to awaken the sleeper 
 by a shot from his pistol. No sooner was he out of sight than I was back 
 in my chair, again asleep. When next I awoke it was from a shake 
 given by the night-watchman. "Did you hear that shot?" said he. 
 "Come along, there is murder going on." As he sped away, his cloak 
 flapping in the breeze he made, he looked not unlike one of Dore's birds 
 of ill-omen. I never saw him again, for at this moment the long whistle 
 announced the approach of the train. Gray dawn had come ; the hotel 
 clerk reappeared, and mechanically carried my chairs indoors; the 'bus 
 rattled up to the depot and rattled back again with nothing but a mail 
 sack for its pains; the night had passed; a day had dawned. 
 
 When the livery stable man came down to the barn I was waiting 
 with my grip. He drove me over to Tulare, and talked all the time. I 
 could not even get a nod. At that time the crowning glory of Tulare was 
 the Railroad Hotel, owned and run by the Southern Pacific people ; it 
 was clean and wholesome. If I remember aright I went to bed at 10:30 
 in the forenoon, and never gave a sign of life until breakfast time the 
 next day. Twenty years of travel has never given me such a shock as 
 that encounter with the cimex lectularious . 
 
 A NEW agent always wants to write policies ; of course I mean an 
 agent new to the insurance business. One of this kind sent in his maiden 
 effort with a pat-on-the-back sort of a letter with it. His "daily" read 
 as follows : 
 
 "One thousand dollars on household and kitchen furniture, bedding 
 and such other articles as are contained in a family." In reply I asked 
 him if this was intended to cover breakfast or lunch. 
 

 "X" 
 
 , 
 
 THE KNAPSACK 1892 i6g 
 
 TEXAS is full of small general agents, many of whom do their special 
 work by mail. I know of one of said general agents who made a certain 
 appointment by letter. Not hearing from the new agent in six months he 
 proceeded to take the train to look up his supplies. Arriving in the town 
 he made inquiries for Mr. So-and-So, and found that the gentleman had 
 sold out four months before, and had gone away. After some difficulty 
 he found the purchaser of the business, and made inquiries for his 
 supplies. 
 
 " Don 't know anything about any supplies. I bought Mr. Blank's 
 real estate business, and he threw in some old insurance blanks, which I 
 burned up." 
 
 "But surely you didn't burn them all up. How about the policy 
 blanks and my register, a book, a good big book, about that long?" 
 
 "Oh, let me see. I think there was some kind of a book marked 
 'register' on the outside. I took that over to the hotel and sold it for 
 one dollar." 
 
 Repairing to the hotel our general agent found his "book" being 
 used as a hotel register, with six pages of arrivals already "in force." 
 
 THE cupidity of the average loan company is admirably distanced 
 in the case of a Utah farmer, who recites that the agent agreed to give 
 him $1,000 insurance for fifty-three dollars. But when he received the 
 policy he found, much to his disgust, that it indemnified him to the ex- 
 tent of $1,500. He writes, " This wasn't your agent's agreement, and if 
 you don 't fix it right I won 't keep your policy. If that 's the way you do 
 your business I don't want anything more to do with you." And who 
 questions the moral hazard of Utah ? It might be well to add in explana- 
 tion that the premium paid was for $1,500 insurance, and that the com- 
 pany, with characteristic exactness, rectified the error. 
 
 C. P. FARNFIELD. 
 
 Far away on the desert, where Arizona's shimmering sands are 
 tinted by the sunset to a lurid hue ; where Yuma's burning plains stretch 
 far beyond the horizon ; where the sullen Colorado rolls, there died our 
 friend, alone. No mother's words of comfort, no sweetheart's soothing 
 touch, were there ; but in solitude and in silence he passed over the Dark 
 River to the Unknown Land. The dismal hum of the wires was his only 
 requiem, while the winds of the desert moaned and moaned, as if for our 
 departed friend. 
 
 Farewell, Farnfield ! May the light of your generous nature illumine 
 your path to the Great Beyond. 
 
170 THE KNAPSACK 1892 
 
 CLINCH THINGS! 
 
 There 's a motto a manager once gave to me, 
 A man full of brains you can readily see. 
 Experience and knowledge in him are combined, 
 A man of broad views and talent of mind, 
 Successful in business, ranking high in this State. 
 He said to me once, " Put this thing on your slate ; 
 Should you wish fame to acquire, success to attain, 
 Clinch things. 
 
 1 ' If in business transaction a point should arise 
 Which might be constructed ambiguous-wise, 
 And you may be enabled to fully define 
 The point at once clearly, and bring it in line, 
 Yield not to the impulse and matters delay, 
 But define your point then, for that is the way 
 To clinch things. 
 
 "Should an agent default, and you're sent to the scene, 
 And he meets you with face all smiling serene, 
 Let him know you are there for justice and right, 
 And keep him in hand by day and by night, 
 Till success you've obtained and your money 's secure ; 
 ' Tis the only true way the evil to cure ; 
 Clinch things. 
 
 "Should a loss have occurred, and you're sent to adjust, 
 Don't look on all claimants with eyes of distrust, 
 But keep them wide open ; with your ears do the same ; 
 Then if things are crooked you'll drop on the game; 
 Perpetuate testimony, examine the facts, 
 And success should attend every one of your acts ; 
 Clinch things. 
 
 " Put not off till to-morrow what you should do to-day, 
 Is an excellent motto and well in its way ; 
 For things once deferred may ere long disappear, 
 Which makes it more urgent, and the motto is clear ; 
 Delays are oft dangerous, let promptness prevail, 
 And never admit there 's such word as fail ; 
 Clinch things." 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1892 171 
 
 OH, WHAT A DIFFERENCE IN THE MORNING! 
 
 Parody on a selection from the comic opera of Sinbad, Sung-bad, by 
 E. W. Carpenter, at the banquet of the Fire Underwriters' Association of 
 the Pacific, at the California Hotel, San Francisco, Cal. 
 
 GV-r, 17TH " AT NIGHT" AND T Q^n 
 JrEB. 18TH" IN THE MORNING" 1092. 
 
 The day being done, what queer changes appear 
 
 At night, at night ! 
 We seem to inhabit a different sphere 
 
 At night, at night ! 
 
 The manager sweetly takes guests to a show, 
 To a party with "wifey" will placidly go, 
 Or mayhap to church, humbly bowing quite low, 
 
 At night, at night ! 
 
 But oh, what a difference in the morning! 
 Vexations overwhelm him at the dawning. 
 They come by mail and wire, 
 His temper is on fire, 
 He's not a "B-class" angel in the morning. 
 
 In " Bluelands " a rogue " cooks " his books to a turn, 
 
 At night, at night ! 
 Is caught setting fire to the store he would burn, 
 
 At night, at night ! 
 
 The judge to the jury makes guilt very clear, 
 And then locks them up until dawn shall appear ; 
 Adjusters feel certain of verdict severe, 
 
 At night, at night ! 
 
 But oh, what a difference in the morning ! 
 Then comes acquittal with the dawning. 
 "Corporations without soul 
 Will always hunt some hole 
 To crawl through," say the jury in the morning! 
 
 The homeward bound special strikes Lathrop so drear, 
 
 At night, at night ! 
 
 Returning to ' Frisco, his last stop is here, 
 
 At night, at night ! 
 
 His wife and his babies to-morrow he'll see, 
 
 And stay long at home on some sort of a plea, 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1892 
 
 He 's dreaming he feels the cool breeze of the sea, 
 
 At night, at night ! 
 
 But oh, what a difference in the morning ! 
 He 's paralyzed by lightning at the dawning. 
 The head office briefly wire : 
 " Another general fire. 
 Start promptly for Miles City in the morning! " 
 
 Now Armstrong "selected" a company rare, 
 
 At night, at night ! 
 
 Who "inspected" Delmonico's choice bill of fare, 
 
 At night, at night ! 
 
 "He'd ' protected' himself by insurance discreet." 
 Such news to the guests was a morsel most sweet, 
 To be rid of the "trio" seemed to ev'ry one meet (meat), 
 
 At night, at night ! 
 
 But oh, what a difference in the morning! 
 That " trio " woke up crowing at the dawning. 
 With their systems purged of all, 
 Save their charters and their "gall," 
 They resumed the same old "lay" again next morning! 
 
 Each year at this dinner we're jolliest friends, 
 
 At night, at night ! 
 
 We resolve to be good, for the past make amends, 
 
 At night, at night ! 
 
 We praise beyond measure the business we're in, 
 Pledging honor and friendship ' mid wineglasses ' din, 
 Extolling our calling so guiltless of sin, 
 
 At night, at night ! 
 
 But oh, what a difference in the morning! 
 Love and faith seem blinded by the dawning. 
 With tricks resembling lies, 
 And crimes of greater size, 
 We charge each "other fellow" in the morning. 
 
 CALLING on a good friend at the office where he holds a responsible 
 yet modest position, I found his name posted on his desk with the letters 
 "G. A." added. "Why, Charlie," said I, "are you a general agent?" 
 In answer he led me to the front, where an electric indicator with a dozen 
 buttons gave the names of various clerks. Said he, "the buttons gave 
 out, so when I am wanted they sound a general alarm, ' G. A.,' see?" 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1892 
 
 THE BOGIE MAN. 
 
 Come all ye little managers and listen unto me, 
 A creature somewhat strange has come a sailing o'er the sea ; 
 One like him you have seldom seen since first your lives began ; 
 No wonder when you gaze on him you call him " Bogie Man." 
 
 Hush, hush, hush ! 
 
 Here comes the Bogie Man ; 
 
 You 'd best lie low, 
 
 You stand no show 
 
 Before the Bogie Man. 
 
 He has the power to crush you all and make you quake with fear ; 
 He has the calm and steady stare that makes you feel so queer ; 
 He has taken in Macdonald, James and Carpenter as well, 
 And has some others on the slate the British ranks to swell. 
 
 Hush, hush, hush ! 
 
 Here comes the Bogie Man ; 
 
 You '11 have no show, 
 
 You 'd better go, 
 
 He '11 bounce you if he can. 
 
 He has some blooded backers who give the business tone, 
 And when he plays at any game the counters are his own ; 
 He represents more sterling wealth than any others can ; 
 No wonder that you all bow down before the Bogie Man. 
 
 Hush, hush, hush! 
 Here comes the Bogie Man ; 
 Your cake 's all dough, 
 You 're doomed to woe, 
 He'll catch you if he can. 
 
 The locals tremble when he speaks, and wither 'neath his frown, 
 While the clerks all start side whiskers to help the British Crown ; 
 And no one has sufficient nerve to even mutter ' ' Damn ! 
 You cannot crush my spirit with a foreign Bogie Man." 
 
 Hush, hush, hush! 
 
 Here comes the Bogie Man ; 
 
 You 'd better run, 
 
 He'll spoil your fun, 
 
 And cinch you if he can. 
 
174 THE KNAPSACK 1892 
 
 AT THE time of The Dalles fire last September our office was on the 
 qui vive for definite information regarding the boundary of the burned 
 district. The newspapers (as sometimes happens) gave the names of all 
 the sufferers, with a full account of "lurid flames" and "forked 
 tongues," but was silent on the subject of boundary lines. The local 
 agent, with wisdom acquired from books, rushed to the telegraph office 
 and was delivered of a message something like this, "Town burned 
 down; send adjuster at once." Hours went by, but no one knew the 
 limit of the fire; so we decided to wire the local agent as follows: 
 "Please give numbers of blocks burned." With something of pride we 
 answered the questions of our neighbors by saying we had sent for full 
 information, and would soon be able to impart definite particulars. The 
 reply message came ; we could hardly wait to tear it open ; it read as fol- 
 lows : "Blocks to the number of eighteen burned." 
 
 TEN LITTLE SPECIALS. 
 
 Ten little specials, all in a line, 
 
 One cut a rate and then there were nine. 
 
 Nine little specials hunting a rebate, 
 
 One of 'em found it and then there were eight. 
 
 Eight little specials, hardly fit for Heaven, 
 One got full and then there were seven. 
 
 Seven little specials up to all the tricks, 
 One became expensive and then there six. 
 
 Six little specials, all of them alive, 
 
 One "sassed" the manager and then there were five. 
 
 Five little specials hoping to get more, 
 
 One broke the compact and then there were four. 
 
 Four little specials from office work quite free, 
 One asked for a raise and then there were three. 
 
 Three little specials, and all rather new, 
 One played poker and then there were two. 
 
 Two little specials eager for fun, 
 
 One paid a total loss and then there was one. 
 
 One little special whose work was well done, 
 He became manager and then there was none. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1892 775 
 
 AN ACTIVE agent in the San Joaquin valley having had a number of 
 policies returned to his company by an agent of a competing company in 
 a German colony, visited the locality to learn the cause. The cause was 
 a German agent. The active agent called on his customers and found 
 them in possession of the policies of an aggressive, well-managed com- 
 pany, whose policies are adorned with the head of a celebrated but very 
 ugly "chieftain." This gave a cue to the active agent to work on, and 
 taking a recent importation from Europe aside said to him, pointing to 
 the picture, " That is the photograph of the president of that company. 
 How would you like to have him settle your loss?" The reply was, 
 " Mein Gott, I no vants to settle mit dat kind of a mans," and immedi- 
 ately gave up that policy and took the active agent's policy. Others did 
 likewise, and in a short time a truce was had and an agreement made be- 
 tween the agents to respect each other's contracts. 
 
 IT WAS a sight to see the Monitor man eat crow pie. After sitting 
 on the fence and holding up the pie labeled, "best pigeon pie," and after 
 being sassy to the little boys who had no pie at all, suddenly he realized 
 he had to eat it; he never changed a muscle, but gulped it down. This 
 was when Lowden got back at him for his criticism of the paper on 
 " Manufacturers' Profits," read by the President at our last annual meet- 
 ing. 
 
 The ruling passion is strong in death ; and the Monitor man raised 
 his hat to Lowden, and said, "We have always advocated your theory; 
 in fact, the senior editor of this paper converted George Washington's 
 grandfather to the same thing." 
 
 THE SPECIAL'S WAIL. 
 
 An active special who had been engaged in various lines of work be- 
 fore joining the Grip Brigade says that when a young man he wanted to 
 be a fireman on a railroad locomotive, as he had observed that when the 
 train came in or went out the fireman did nothing but "ring the bell." 
 He got the position, but his experience was that he had to get down out 
 of sight in front of the furnace and shovel coal between stations. He 
 tired of this position, and became a local agent. Here again he noticed 
 that the special agent seemed to do nothing but " ring the bell" when in 
 town, and his ambition was only satisfied when he secured a place as 
 special; but here again he found that in the work of a successful 
 special there is more coal-shoveling than bell-ringing. 
 
176 THE KNAPSACK 1892 
 
 A SUPERANNUATED old adjuster, who smiles when he is called the 
 "old man," says, "When I am assigned a room at a hotel I look at the 
 register to see if my room was occupied by a lady guest the night before." 
 
 "Then if it was, you of course take it," chimes in a young special. 
 
 "On the contrary, no." 
 
 "Why not?" 
 
 " Because I don't like to be taken for the man who is always ' a day 
 after the fair,' " says Graybeard, with a twinkle in his left optic. 
 
 (Memorandum by the editor.) "Not a sound was heard, nor a fun- 
 eral note, as his corse to the ramparts we hurried." 
 
 TELL me, ye winged winds, that daily 
 
 Round me roar, 
 
 Is there a spot where adjusters are no more ? 
 Some pleasant, fire-proof place, 
 
 From oxygen quite free ; 
 Where flames are never known 
 
 And smoke they never see ? 
 
 The wild winds dwindled to a whisper low 
 
 And sighed their answer as they murmured, " Yes ! 
 
 But ' tis over the river, 
 
 In the mansions of the blest, 
 Where the Wetzlars cease from troubling, 
 
 And the Treanors are at rest." 
 
 DOWN in a certain southern field a peculiar class of risks familiar to 
 you all are known as "female boarding-houses," and take twice the rate 
 of ordinary dwellings. I was walking about town examining our busi- 
 ness with the agent, when we passed a comfortable two-story dwelling. 
 Upon making inquiry why said dwelling was not covered by a policy in 
 my company, the agent replied : 
 
 "The fact is that dwelling belongs to my widowed sister, and as she 
 had more room than she wanted she took our two schoolmarms to 
 board. You see the rate book says that female boarding-houses shall 
 take double the dwelling rate; and my sister just couldn't stand it." 
 
 ANOTHER good fellow with the world all before him, after studying 
 his book of instructions, wrote the following query: "Do I deduct my 
 commission from the rate prescribed in the rate book, or do I charge it 
 extra to the party insuring?" And yet almost all the officers of com- 
 panies commenced life as a local agent. 
 
7 'HE KNAPSACK 1892 777 
 
 SOME one has invented a smoke preventive. Will some one invent 
 " smoke-damage " preventive, and apply it to sundry stocks of drygoods, 
 etc.? 
 
 THE SPECIAL AND HIS GRIP. 
 
 Through the seasons, in all weather, 
 
 In the valley's scorching heat, 
 In the mountains, cold storms braving, 
 
 In the driving snow and sleet ; 
 Where the streams in spring are booming, 
 
 Where in fall Jack Frost may nip, 
 Even on the ocean raging, 
 
 Goes the special and his grip. 
 
 Perhaps 'tis thought a risk is stolen, 
 
 Perhaps a balance is overdue, 
 Or, in the push for business, 
 
 One must seek some pastures new. 
 Now a loss must needs be settled, 
 
 All which need a hurried trip, 
 But to these and many others 
 
 Goes the special and his grip. 
 
 In the cars and on the stage-coach, 
 
 Though train may wreck and horse go lame, 
 When others halt and cry peccavi, 
 
 The special gets there just the same. 
 Through stormy day and stormy night, 
 
 Midst pelting rain when all things drip. 
 Without his sleep, still pushing onward, 
 
 Goes the special and his grip. 
 
 Wherever there 's a human dwelling, 
 No matter how remote 'twould seem, 
 
 The special in his travels makes it, 
 On wheels or runners, or by steam. 
 
 ' Long trails on horseback and on foot 
 When death would meet him should he slip, 
 
 Where other dangers lurk about him, 
 Goes the special and his grip. 
 
i?8 THE KNAPSACK 1892 
 
 Where'er he goes his friends they greet him, 
 
 And when he leaves he's bade God speed ; 
 When he gets home he 's welcomed warmly ; 
 
 Then here's his health, long life indeed. 
 And as he travels all routes known, 
 
 With cheer and smile upon his lip, 
 Perhaps upon the road to glory 
 
 May go the special and his grip. 
 
 ASHTON. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1893 779 
 
 EDITORIAL, 1893. GEO. F. GRANT. 
 
 EDITORIAL. 
 
 ITS there a limit to man's desire? If so, how are we to know where 
 11 it is found. The old farmer who said, "My wants are few; all I 
 ask is the land adjoining my farm," unconsciously spoke the senti- 
 ment of ambitious mankind. Insurance men do not differ from other 
 wide-awake, active business men ; all they want is to lead in their pro- 
 fession, and they are actuated by two principal motives ; the first, to win 
 the enconiums of their directory; the second, to share in the profits of the 
 corporation, and this is what makes all the trouble with the Pacific 
 Insurance Union and kindred associations. 
 
 At the start, with every toe on the line, the compact manager has an 
 easy time ; the question of rates is quite enough for his serious considera- 
 tion, the discipline which becomes necessary because of the infraction of 
 rules is easily applied because the infringement is from misunderstanding 
 only, but with the first published statement of figures, showing the net 
 results of various offices, doubt and distrust disturb the minds of some 
 members; these figures show that premiums are not equally distributed. 
 
 Ambition to lead has met with a rude shock, and in place of reflect- 
 ing that leaders are necessarily few, suspicion is nursed that all is not 
 right; failure to meet expectations is traced to seeming abuse of rules. 
 If ability were all on a line, or if energy was the same in each case ; if 
 brains were equally distributed or opportunities evenly balanced, this of 
 course would not be so, and this is what makes all the trouble with the 
 members. A thinking man devises a plan whereby some rule is changed 
 in a slight degree by some innocent looking wording accompanied by an 
 explanatory diagram, simple and clear, but it is found after a time that 
 the thinking man referred to has an advantage over his fellows because 
 of some difference in the management of his particular office, and this is 
 what makes trouble for companies. These troubles grow and magnify, 
 because it is not "good form" to repeal a rule and go back to the old 
 condition of things ; instead, amendments are piled on amendments, 
 ingenuity of a superior order is brought into play whereby the latest rules 
 can be made to serve the individual, irrespective of the effect on the as- 
 sociation as a body; committees composed of good members wrestle 
 with the problems that arise, and the tangled web is loosened in some 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1893 
 
 places and tied into knots at others ; finally, the end of the skein is lost 
 in the snarl, and as time goes on is forgotten altogether. 
 
 In spite of all this the compact manager, if he has tact and discre- 
 tion, succeeds fairly well in maintaining order ; moral suasion is as much 
 a part of his diplomacy as the rules of his office, but with moral suasion 
 he is confronted with an entirely new order of culprit the crank and 
 now he must beg where once he threatened. Who shall say that the 
 observing member, thinking to obtain from the manager what the rules 
 deny, suddenly resolves to be a crank himself and so confusion becomes 
 worse confounded and hints of dissolution are in the air. Members put 
 their business houses in order for the break ; the press gives the daily 
 news and colors the insurance situation with enough spice to make it 
 good reading ; some people believe all they see in print, and so comes a 
 nightmare of suspense. 
 
 Now what is to be done? Let us reflect. In the beginning men 
 came together and formed this Compact Association for self protection. 
 With fear in their hearts and with pale faces they told each other we 
 have carried our warfare so far that ruin seems inevitable ; without mutual 
 concessions and mutual obligations we think we are lost. The 
 concessions were made and the obligations taken ; the association has 
 hung together, say for ten years. Members of the Fire Underwriters' 
 Association of the Pacific, what are you going to do about it? This is your 
 affair ; the compact question is your business ; your influence, if properly 
 directed, can bring order out of chaos. It is your duty to recommend 
 going back to the starting point with each toe once more on the line. 
 
 WHEN I was a young special I was afraid as death of the "old man." 
 Nothing I did was just right, and it was long years after I had left his 
 office before I knew how kindly he used to speak of me when I could not 
 hear him. Now that /am an "old man," I know that some youngsters 
 must get information injected under the skin or they don't get it ; but the 
 particular story I started to give the Knapsack runs like this : My "old 
 man " sent me to San Diego to adjust a loss, kindly saying as a parting 
 shot that he expected me to make a mess of it. When I reached the 
 ground I found the claimant stricken with apoplexy. Here was a 
 complication, and I was at my wits' end. Reluctantly I went to the 
 telegraph office and sent this message : 
 
 " Claimant dead. What is to be done next? " 
 
 Back came the answer, 
 
 "Bury him." 
 
THE KNAPSACK i8 93 181 
 
 A KICK. 
 
 THE following letter was written by a Montana agent with whom I have 
 a delightful personal acquaintance. He commenced his career in the 
 Southern States, and after being taken prisoner by the Union side 
 absolutely refused to take the oath of allegiance. Instead, he came West 
 and for years personally conducted the taking of furs and hides from the 
 wild animals of Montana, incidentally, making "good Indians," as 
 occasion required. By nature he has the affectionate disposition of a 
 woman. His generosity is unbounded, but he will fight at the drop of 
 the hat if he thinks an offense is intended. How he came to engage in 
 the insurance business I now forget, but as one who follows instructions 
 he cannot be improved on from the office standpoint : 
 
 "SURVEYOR P. I. U. 
 
 " Esteemed Sir: Yours of the gth instant at hand. In response 
 thereto, with reference to your suggestion that a correction should be 
 
 made in the rating of ' D. R.' , would say that you are evidently 
 
 bilious and need the advice of a physician. 
 
 "As you have suggested no particular course for me to pursue in 
 making the correction desired, I would feel obliged if you would wire 
 me just what is the matter with the one adopted by me. 
 
 "I feel assured that any one, not entirely blind, or a damned fool, 
 can perceive by a close examination of accompanying diagram that the 
 rate determined by your office has been maintained, and the maximum 
 charge established. If this has been done (and it cannot be disputed), 
 then, merely for information's sake, I would like to ask just how it con- 
 cerns you, or your honorable office, if the charge is in excess of that set 
 forth in Rate Book No. '4 ' ? 
 
 ' ' It occurs to me that I have simply done my part of the business 
 correct, and that (in addition to a slight waste of postage stamps) you 
 have made an infernal ass of yourself." 
 
 "Now please oblige me glancing over the rate under which No. 
 
 was written: " 
 
 Basis (boarding and lodging, 15-20 
 
 rooms) $2 25 Is that enough ? 
 
 Cloth lining and stovepipe ... i 75 Is there anything the matter 
 
 with that? 
 
 Ex. (mixed) 35-40 feet 35 Is that correct ? 
 
 Ex. (mixed) 40-60 feet 40 Probably that will suit you ? 
 
 Ex. Chinese wash 200 feet . ... 25 Too little, of course ? 
 Ex. lumber yard, 80 feet .... 50 This fixes it. 
 
 Total $5 50 
 
i82 THE KNAPSACK 1893 
 
 "Now look over this matter calmly and thoughtfully, and candidly 
 ask yourself if you do not need a little rest ? How would it do to take a 
 trip to the Arkansas Hot Springs and boil yourself out ? You assuredly 
 need relaxation of some character, but monkeying with a Montana 
 insurance agent will neither prolong your life nor add anything to your 
 present enjoyment of it. 
 
 "As for the *D. R.' I return it to you with the hope that you will 
 extend it the careful consideration I am led to believe it deserves. You 
 are at liberty to use it, and I have no objection to your retaining it as a 
 souvenir of of this office, if such is your desire. In any event, I am done 
 with it. 
 
 1 ' Referring again to your desire that a correction should be made 
 in the rate of the risk noted, I hardly see how I can charge any more 
 than I have done. Even if this could be done, a spirit of fair dealing to 
 the assured prevents any interference on my part with the one presently 
 established. 
 
 "In conclusion, I beg to observe that I believe you are getting 
 tangled up into something that you have no concern in. Your office is 
 a great stickler for rate, and when its desire in this particular is gratified, 
 it should let matters over which it has no possible concern, severely 
 alone. 
 
 "If the charge is greater than that established by your office, it con- 
 cerns you not, but it does the company writing. Please remember this 
 while being boiled out. 
 
 "I propose to always charge enough. Maybe sometimes I will not ; 
 in such event you can fall in, for it is a part of your duty to do so, and I 
 shall not feel offended, for if I did (judging from the high-handed man- 
 ner in which you have been running things), you would not give a damn. 
 
 "In conclusion, I insist upon it that you look more carefully after 
 yourself. With your irascible temper and delicate constitution, it is a 
 question if you will be able to survive your term of Surveyor of the 
 Pacific Insurance Union. 
 
 "With sentiments of the highest consideration, dear sir, permit me 
 to subscribe myself your most obedient servant." 
 
 THE fire started at the end of the block farthest from the hydrant, 
 the hose was short, the agent reported that the firemen waited until the 
 fire burned within reach of the hose, and then put it out good work on 
 the part of the fire department but as our risk had gone up in smoke we 
 were in no humor to advocate Book 3 for that town, merely because the 
 fire was put out when it reached the fire department. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1893 183 
 
 ASSIGNMENT OF POLICY. 
 
 The beauty of five year term business on the note installment plan 
 is beautifully illustrated by the following letter, which, without person- 
 ality I have been allowed to publish in the Knapsack. The incident of 
 an assignment during the life of the policy adds to the spice of the item : 
 
 "September 30th, 1892. 
 
 "I should like to have this insurance policy canceled, as it would 
 benefit me very little if I was burned out. In looking over the policy 
 this evening I noticed for the first time that I have $500 on grain, and as a 
 matter of fact there has never been a bushel of grain raised on this ranch. 
 I had always understood that this was placed on a stallion, but even if it 
 was it would not be of any use, as I sold the stallion two years ago. 
 
 "There is also |ioo on a buggy; at present I have no buggy, as it 
 was smashed in a runaway last spring. 
 
 "There is also $200 on furniture, while, as a matter of fact, there 
 never was |2OO worth of furniture in this house. 
 
 "Of course all of these things were given in by the former owner of 
 this place, but I do not see exactly why I should suffer for it." 
 
 I HAVE been in the business a good many years ; more than I some- 
 times like to contemplate. I have been under the impression all the 
 time that I knew how to rate a simple frame range, but a newly-fledged 
 agent opened my eyes the other day to a mistake that I have long labored 
 under. 
 
 It was a picturesque frame range, embellished with many signs and 
 tottering awnings, held up by posts hacked and hewed by the festive 
 granger, in a small Rate Book No. 4 town in this State. The rate in dis- 
 pute was on the end building, and I was called in to settle the matter. 
 My decision was, basis, restaurant, $3.25, 8 exposures at 75c. Total, 
 19.25. "Oh, no," said the brand new agent, with a withering smile of 
 superiority creeping o'er his fair young face, "you are wrong, entirely 
 wrong. You don't have to charge for the eight exposures at all. The 
 proper way to rate the building is, basis, 13.25, 4 exposures at 75c., $3.00. 
 Total, $6.25. If you fellows from the city would only take the trouble to 
 read your Rate Book, instead of thinking you know it all, you would find 
 on page 31 that you are only to charge for exposures on every other 
 building in the range, not on each one ; so you take the basis rate, skip 
 the first exposure, charge for No. 2, skip No. 3, charge why wazzer 
 matter?" Well, its kind of you ; its rather early, but still 
 
i $4 THE KNAPSACK 1893 
 
 I THOUGHT I was going mad last week because I laughed at a joke 
 printed in the Post Magazine, and it was only when I found the joke 
 was copied from an American paper that I lost "that tired feeling," the 
 same feeling the newspapers tell about in the medical column of the 
 advertising page, which tired feeling is said to be a sure forerunner of 
 death in twelve different forms, provided, you do not buy (and pay for) 
 the antidote described in the "ad." 
 
 I subscribe and sometimes pay for various insurance papers. Others 
 are thrust upon me by due cost of postoffice box and some are backsheesh, 
 pure and simple ; thus, the spice and essence, the very zest of the under- 
 writer's newspaper brain is mine to command. I regret to notice a 
 tendency to frivolity in these papers ; they have a reserved space for a 
 " funny column," and the most serious subjects are treated with gags, 
 tags, and jags to suit the mood of the editor writer, who would be funny 
 if he could, and some of his readers think he is, because they lack the 
 power to know. So this editor plays the cuttle fish business with his 
 writings, until between sense and the other thing his meaning is as 
 opaque as good bottle glass. Now, the papers of the Old World are 
 different, because they are dead in earnest, as the expression goes ; they 
 are serious in what they say. For two years I have studied the difference 
 until I have learned to know perfectly what they say, but still I do not 
 yet know what they mean; hence, when I come upon a bit of tinsel 
 shining amid the heap of Post Magazine, for the moment I am alarmed, 
 as aforesaid. 
 
 AN ENTERPRISING fire chief in an inland city, when steam fire 
 engines were first being introduced, log-rolled a resolution through the 
 council to send a committee of one of their members to the Bay (San 
 Francisco) to investigate and report on the new fire mas keen. He came, 
 he saw, and he reported, "That he did not see any need of heating water 
 to put out a fire," in his opinion cold water was just as good, and his 
 city did not get a steamer until after the next election. 
 
 "YES," said the old special, "bursting up the Pacific Insurance 
 Union is all very fine to talk about, but seriously it would be too much 
 like the Chinaman's description of the toboggan slide that he had seen in 
 Canada. 
 
 "Said he, 'Swishe-e-e' (with a downward sweep of his hand) 
 'walkee back three miles.' 
 
 " It would take us three years to get back." 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1893 
 
 SPECIAL AGENT IN 1870. 
 
 IT T may seem strange to you to talk of days when there was no special 
 11 agent, but in 1870 on the Coast the title of traveling men was 
 " adjuster," and, if he was willing to demean himself by soliciting 
 insurance, he was "no adjuster," in the opinion of his comrades. 
 
 For this reason, as I was sent out to solicit business pure and simple, 
 and as a high-sounding title was absolutely necessary, I was called a 
 special agent. My duty was to assist the local agent to secure business, 
 get his good-will, find out the nature of his complaints against the office, 
 if he had any, and visit him as often as I could make the circuit. 
 
 In rough-and-ready times, among rough-and-ready people, before 
 the railroad was graded, there was no difficulty at all in carrying out 
 instructions and making a good record ; it seems like a golden dream to 
 look back upon ; but there was one agent who came quite near knocking 
 me out in the very first round, so to speak. He was from the West 
 that is, the west he came from was a wilderness where log-houses were a 
 luxury, blue jeans too swell for anything, and the frying pan about the 
 only cooking utensil in use. 
 
 He got religion, chills and fever, and learned to chew tobacco at an 
 early age, and all of these habits stayed right with him until he grew up 
 consequently he carried his liver in his eye, so to speak, and, as he was 
 a money getter of the Quaker school, he found a passage of Scripture 
 with authority for every- sharp transaction, which enabled him to sleep 
 peacefully after saying his "Now I lay me," while the poor creature who 
 had the small end of the trade walked the floor all night. When I first 
 saw him I thought he was an old man, because his hair and beard were 
 grizzly gray. This hair was long, shaggy and thick, while his beard was 
 of the patriarch cut, and the level-headed fellow knew full well the value 
 of this appearance, just the same as the patent-medicine man who adver- 
 tises cuts of benevolent-looking old fakirs to make his drugs go off. 
 When I first saw him he was at the end of a long room which had once 
 been a general merchandise store, and there was still a remnant of a 
 stock stuck about on a few shelves. In a corner, between a red-hot 
 stove on one side and a small iron safe on the other, he sat, his chair 
 tilted back against the wall, while his long, thin legs twined about each 
 other so that his feet hung loose and pointed in unnatural directions, as 
 if disjointed at the ankle. Around his form and within a radius of four 
 feet was evidence of a life-long practice with tobacco juice; he seemed to 
 think the whole world his cuspidor. 
 
 As I advanced towards him, his eyes followed me, but in no other 
 way did he acknowledge my presence. In answer to my questions he 
 
186 THE KNAPSACK 1893 
 
 replied yes and no, until I mentally compared him to an unwilling wit- 
 ness in a criminal case. 
 
 " Come, come," I said to myself, "this won't do ; we must wake the 
 old man up." So I talked all the topics of the times, amusements, 
 politics, religion, the Indian question, slavery, woman's rights. I was 
 getting awfully dry and was on the point of asking him to join me, when 
 it occurred to me to first discuss the woman's crusade against saloons. 
 Presto, change there I had him his feet became untangled, he sat erect 
 in his chair, his eyes blazed, his manner was dignified, his voice pleasant 
 to the ear, and his flow of talk simply surprising. I kept my mouth shut, 
 listened carefully, and helped myself from the water jug; I was not 
 edified, but I was rested. By and by I got the object of my visit well 
 into him. He did not believe in special agents; did not want either my 
 advice or assistance and asked me to leave town at once. 
 
 Here was a state of things ; almost the first agent I had met trying 
 to prove that I was a mistake. 
 
 As fate would have it, at that moment, entered, far away at the front 
 door, another old skin-flint, a rival tomato-can banker, so to speak. 
 With derision in his tone, my agent said, "Here comes old Grimes; I 
 have tried to insure his dwelling for a long time. Perhaps you can 
 secure the risk." "All right," I answered, "introduce me." 
 
 I do not know how it came about, but that man Grimes not only 
 signed his application there and then, but he pulled out his old leather 
 purse and paid the premium on the spot. My agent was struck with 
 astonishment (no doubt of that). He looked from the receding form of 
 old Grimes to me, and his mouth was open wide from astonishment at 
 Mr. Grimes' submission. Finally, he said, with an awkward attempt at a 
 smile, "do you like soda water?" " Yes " I replied; so we went to the 
 drug store and drank the doubtful compound at that unseasonable time 
 of year. A bond was thus established between us which only strength- 
 ened as time went by. 
 
 WHEN HENRY MARTIN was married he had just been appointed 
 local agent for an insurance company, and his sweet little wife took as 
 much interest in that local agency as Henry himself. She used to go 
 down to the office and write up the register in a neat little English hand 
 that made your head ache to read it, and many a risk came in on account 
 of her bright eyes and rosy cheeks. One day she said, "Why, Henry, I do 
 believe you have been drinking. I can tell it on your breath." "Of 
 course I have," said Henry, "had to do it ; have to sample everything I 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1893 187 
 
 insure, you know ; rule of the company ; must try the goods to see if 
 they are insurable." And so it went on. Henry was not much of a 
 drinker, but first and last he managed to sample a number of risks. 
 When he insured the drug store his wife asked innocently, "if he had to 
 test the medicines." "Certainly," said Henry, "every one of them, but 
 not all at once," he hastened to add. One night he came late to dinner, 
 and the chops were done to death, and the little wife just a trifle vexed, 
 but her brow soon became free from wrinkles when she heard that Henry 
 had been to inspect a risk. 
 
 "But what risk is it," she asked. "The female seminary," he 
 replied. Her face was very much troubled, indeed, and she said 
 severely, "Henry Martin, does that horrid rule apply to this risk?" 
 
 ABOU BILL SEXTON. 
 
 Abou Bill Sexton (free from all rebates) 
 
 Awoke one night, from a deep dream of rates, 
 
 And saw within the moonlight in his room, 
 
 One of imperial stature and full bloom, 
 
 Writing in a register of gold. 
 
 A Denver trip had made Bill Sexton bold, 
 
 And to the presence in the room he said, 
 
 "What writest thou?" The vision raised its head, 
 
 And coldly answered, " As a test, 
 
 I write the names of those whom agents like the best." 
 
 " And is mine one? " said William. "Nay, not so," 
 
 Replied the vision. William spoke more low, 
 
 And murmured, "Then write me, I insist, 
 
 As having no prohibited list." 
 
 The spirit wrote and vanished. The next night 
 
 It came again with a great wakening light, 
 
 And showed the names of those by agents blessed, 
 
 And, lo ! Bill Sexton's name led all the rest ! 
 
 THE P. I. U. returned a daily report for correction, agent having 
 failed to charge for stovepipe. 
 
 Agent replied: "Risk burned; stovepipe removed; my rating 
 correct." 
 
i88 THE KNAPSACK 1893 
 
 FIELD NOTES. 
 
 Jf^HE colonel once had an experience which he could narrate more 
 Jl fully and with more of interesting detail than I can hope to do. 
 But his modesty has thus far prevented the Knapsack from secur- 
 ing the story. 
 
 Some years ago he planted agencies in Arizona, and in one town, as 
 there was no published map, he commenced bright and early in the day, 
 while the coolness was still in the air, to make a diagram of the business 
 blocks. We all know the curiosity of village folks at such a time ; they 
 are consumed with a desire to know what the strange man is doing with 
 tape line, note book and calculations. Generally, children are sent to 
 interview the man and find out his business. In this instance, the 
 colonel, who is a natural artist, made a few sketches of the youngsters, 
 which he showed to them and at which they grinned approval. It was 
 well along in the afternoon that the final field notes were taken, and with 
 a sigh of satisfaction the colonel shut his book and walked into a place of 
 refreshment for a lemonade. After his pleasant drink he was about to 
 leave the place, when a group of men dressed in the picturesque Arizona 
 fashion, that is, half miner, half cowboy, stood in his way. One of them, 
 more impetuous than the rest, said abruptly: "What are you doing 
 here, anyway?" but the least demonstrative touched the colonel on the 
 arm, and whispering, "a word with you, sir," he lead him aside, and 
 speaking quietly but with great earnestness asked: "What is your 
 business in this town?" At this the colonel, who had somewhat 
 recovered from the first rude encounter, flushed and replied with a tinge 
 of sarcasm in his tone: "Will you be kind enough to inform me what 
 that can matter to you." "Certainly," was the answer, "but as time is 
 short and my friends are impatient, it might be as well for you to keep a 
 civil tongue in your head." There was suppressed force in the man's 
 tone, and the colonel looked at him fixedly as he asked : "What do you 
 want to know?" 
 
 "Who sent you here ? " 
 
 "The Liverpool and London and Globe Insurance Company." 
 
 "What for?" 
 
 "To appoint an agent." 
 
 "What have you written in that book ? " 
 
 " I have made a diagram of this town." 
 
 "What for?" 
 
 "So that the local agent can make rates understandingly." 
 
 " Are you deceiving me?" 
 
 " Not at all, here is my card." 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1893 189 
 
 At this the questioner waved his hand, and said: "It is all right, 
 boys." The boys took their hands off their pistols, and went out. The 
 colonel heard them talking reassuringly outside, and for the first time 
 noticed a crowd about the door of the saloon ; turning to his questioner 
 he asked for an explanation. "Well," said the man, "it is this way: 
 Some years ago, where this townsite stands, was a mining claim placer 
 diggings but they didn't pan out big, and most people have forgotten 
 it. Right lately there has been a story that the fellow who used to work 
 the claim was going to jump on the improvements of the town, claiming 
 them as his property. So when the boys saw a city chap going around 
 taking notes, they put it up that he was here appraising the value of the 
 property ; they called a meeting. Some was for shooting the son-of-a- 
 gun where he stood ; some was for hanging him after dark, and some was 
 for trying him in open meeting. We are a peaceful, law-abiding crowd, 
 and we have never had a hanging here yet, so it was decided that the 
 sheriff that's me and his deputies them that just left us should 
 interview the stranger, just to give him a chance for his life, for mistakes 
 is sometimes made, you know." 
 
 The colonel wiped his brow. "Yes, I know," he said. "Well, 
 so-long," said the sheriff, "no harm done, but I say, Mr. Kinne, you 
 take a fool's advice and while you stay in Arizona don't you be too quick 
 with your back talk. I know a lot of California people ; got a sister 
 living at San Jose. I like them and they are the right sort, but they 
 can't talk too quick for an Arizona peace party when it is after informa- 
 tion. 
 
 " I know this town pretty well. The boys will all get on a 'tear' 
 to-night to even up on the way you fooled them, so if you take the stage 
 when it comes along it will put a stop to any funny business so far as 
 you are concerned." 
 
 The colonel decided to take the stage. 
 
 DREADFUL EFFECT OF THE CREDIT RULE. 
 
 GENTLEMEN : I received your note. I am very sorry I cannot send 
 you the money, because I have not got it, and cannot raise it. I am an 
 old man, and living alone. I am troubled with the rheumatics in my 
 
 legs, I can hardly walk, and your agent, Mr. has decieved me, 
 
 he told me if I could not pay it the insurance would run out and that 
 would be all about it, and I cannot pay it if I would ever so much. My 
 little place don't bring me no more than $50 or |6o per year. I send this 
 
190 THE KNAPSACK 
 
 note with my neighbor, Mr. - , he can tell you the same. I send 
 the insurance papers to you with him, and told him to pay you some for 
 your trouble of making out these papers, I hope you will have a little 
 mercy on an unfortunate old man. 
 
 Yours with sorrow and regret. 
 
 "IN OTHER RESPECTS.'' 
 
 In that clever combine styled the P. I. U., 
 Whose members are in a continual stew, 
 They have been perspiring for quite a long spell, 
 But, in other respects they are doing quite well. 
 
 High salaried agents have been all the go, 
 While excess commissions have had a fair show ; 
 And specials have worked, local business to swell, 
 But, in other respects, they are doing quite well. 
 
 Amendments have been ground out by the score, 
 And its thought there may be a few dozen more ; 
 They are aimed at the agent, his spirit to quell, 
 But, in other respects, they are doing quite well. 
 
 Collections, that once were remote from our gaze, 
 Or else out of sight, are now thirty days ; 
 There is trouble in Lodi and far Kalispel, 
 But, in other respects, they are doing quite well. 
 
 Some worked up farm business by aid of a note, 
 With interest old enough, almost, to vote; 
 While those who got left said, "it is a sell" ; 
 But, in other respects, they are doing quite well. 
 
 Macdonald and Button pulled hard for biz, 
 And what each didn't get he thought should be his 
 When 'Frisco burns they will murmur, "O, h 1 ! " 
 But, in other respects, may be doing quite well. 
 
 A. Turner, for exercise, leaped from the ring, 
 MagilPs double-decker joined in the mad fling ; 
 They slid back with a thud that is painful to tell, 
 But, in other respects, they are doing quite well. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1893 191 
 
 Hugh Craig and George Dornin each wrote a letter ; 
 They misquoted Scripture and seemed to feel better ; 
 They shot at a target and sounded the bell, 
 But, in other respects, they are doing quite well. 
 
 Alas, for the pride of brave "Yankee Doodle! " 
 Foreign companies carried off half of the boodle ! 
 They took in six millions with a bold British yell, 
 But, in other respects, they are doing quite well. 
 
 Of topical songs you 've perhaps had enough ; 
 Though easy to write, their allusions are tough ; 
 But when Carpenter sings them none will rebel, 
 And, in other respects, they are doing quite well. 
 
 THE OLD ADJUSTER'S DREAM. 
 
 He had kissed the dear little tots good-night, 
 After their evening prayers were said ; 
 
 They had whispered softly, "God bless you, pop," 
 And were off to their trundle beds. 
 
 By the soft mellow light from the coals in the grate 
 In his own little "Home, sweet home," 
 
 The adjuster leaned back in his large easy chair, 
 By his fireside all alone. 
 
 Scenes from the past he pictured 
 In the shadows around him dark and deep, 
 
 And the old gray head fell down on his breast 
 The adjuster was fast asleep. 
 
 He dreamed he was young and was just starting out, 
 
 And things were a coming his way, 
 He was gathering risks from all parts of the world ; 
 
 He was writing a thousand a day. 
 
 He ordered his blanks by the car-load ; 
 
 They put on a hundred more clerks, 
 Who put in their nights and their Sundays, 
 
 But they couldn't keep up with his work. 
 
703 THE KNAPSACK 1893 
 
 He insured all the gold in the mountains, 
 All the fruit that would grow on the trees ; 
 
 He insured all the snow on the top of Mt. Hood, 
 And the fishes that swim in the seas. 
 
 All the fire-work factories and gun-powder mills, 
 
 And the places they store dynamite, 
 Were all gathered in, and he marked them "first-class," 
 
 And said " Business was way out of sight." 
 
 He brought in a risk from some underground place, 
 
 From a Mr. D. Evil by name, 
 And he made it for ten million dollars, 
 
 Just to show he was thoroughbred game. 
 
 The ink on the policy hardly had dried 
 
 When D. Evil, he put in a claim, 
 And tried to collect his ten million 
 
 From this agent of such renowned fame. 
 
 He acknowledged the loss, recommended the payment 
 To the adjuster, who stood near the door, 
 
 Who grabbed this invincible " son of a gun," 
 And with him he swept up the floor. 
 
 Mr. D. Evil he threw from the window, 
 
 And as to the bottom he fell, 
 The adjuster he roared, " I'll be d if I '11 pay 
 
 One cent of insurance on h ." 
 
 Then he cussed in his sleep and tore at his hair, 
 
 And his voice it was higher and higher, 
 And he woke up to find it was only a myth 
 
 He 'd been dreaming alone by the fire. 
 
 Song composed by MR. W. J. CALLINGHAM, to be sung by him at the Annual Dinner. 
 AIR "The Bowery." 
 
 I. 
 
 Again we're here for our annual " meet," 
 With H. M. Grant in the president's seat; 
 His State passed valued policy law, 
 And gives us another tough bone to chaw. 
 We've contended with more than our share, 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1893 
 
 Now Oregon clutches at our back hair ; 
 We '11 have to raise the current rates there, 
 And they '11 never pass laws any more. 
 
 Oregonians ! Oregonians ! 
 They should know better our efforts to fetter ; 
 They surely will box us with their laws, obnoxious, 
 
 Oregonians ! Oregonians ! 
 They'll never pass laws any more. 
 
 II. 
 
 Then Turner's notice for thirty days 
 Gave a promise the mischief to raise ; 
 He held out, and justly, too ; 
 The Credit System never would do. 
 The Compact felt they'd struck a snag, 
 The manager wanted to get on a jag ; 
 But his noble head he gravely would wag, 
 And he refused to go out any more. 
 
 The Compact ! The Compact ! 
 It looked as tho' it would surely go ; 
 
 The Compact ! The Compact ! 
 He refused to go out any more. 
 
 III. 
 
 Then the manager packed his grip, 
 Hied him away on an Eastern trip 
 To that city of excellent beer 
 I think they call it Milwaukee here. 
 He was successful with President James, 
 Came back and called him affectionate names, 
 Jumped into harness, pulled hard with the hames ; 
 He'll not have to go back any more. 
 
 Milwaukee ! Milwaukee ! 
 They drink good beer and it makes you feel queer, 
 
 In Milwaukee ! Milwaukee ! 
 He '11 not have to go back any more. 
 
194 THE KNAPSACK 1893 
 
 IV. 
 
 Craig stepped in with his warlike shout, 
 Troubled and worried us all about ; 
 This reform was much too rich, 
 And every measure he 'd try to ditch ; 
 After tossing in bed one night, 
 At last he saw that the thing was right ; 
 Got into line and he quit his fight, 
 And he never will fight any more. 
 
 The Maori ! The Maori ! 
 He's got New Zealand, we wish him weal; 
 
 The Maori ! The Maori ! 
 And like "Slade," he'll not fight any more. 
 
 V. 
 
 The executive committee is doing good work ; 
 
 They are pushers and never shirk. 
 
 Look ! the accounts ! How they all come in ! 
 
 Agents are rustling and sending the "tin." 
 
 The "U. A. P." is the proper stuff; 
 
 Stand with the committee and make it rough 
 
 For all who offend, till they cry enough, 
 
 And never offend any more. 
 
 The Local ! The Local ! 
 He's made up his mind that we're the right kind ; 
 
 The Local ! The Local ! 
 He'll never offend any more. 
 
 VI. 
 
 And now, before I finish my song, 
 Let me beg of you always be strong ; 
 Keep your course in your manly way, 
 No one will ever your rights gainsay ; 
 And I'm sure in another year, 
 If we 're alive and again meet here, 
 There '11 be no one to pull by the ear, 
 For they'll never drop out any more. 
 
 Hurrah, then ! Hurrah, then ! 
 The year's begun fine, with them all in line, 
 
 So hurrah, then ! Hurrah, then ! 
 They '11 never drop out any more. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1893 795 
 
 AN ARIZONA ADJUSTMENT. 
 (As related by Monte George.) 
 
 AT THE time of the big fire at Tombstone, I was dealing faro for Bill 
 Johnson in the Palace saloon. He moved most of his things and 
 didn't lose much. 
 
 "I've got a thousand insurance," said Bill. "I didn't lose more'n 
 five hundred, but they tell me you always get what you insure for. Its 
 like a lottery; you buy a policy, and, if your burned out, you draw a 
 prize. They say it 's a dead square game, and I played her up to the 
 limit to win. Vickers, the agent who sold me the policy, sent to San 
 Francisco for a special adjuster to fix the thing up, so as to be sure and 
 have everything all right." 
 
 Three days after the fire the adjuster arrived. His name was Wil- 
 liam Henry Harrison Benton. He was a nice looking, smooth-spoken 
 man, not very large. He looked some like Jay Gould. I saw Gould at 
 Hailey two years ago, and he talked and acted a good deal like Benton. 
 Well, Benton stayed around for a week or so, and finally told Bill he was 
 ready to settle, and we three went into one of the poker rooms in Bill's 
 new saloon to talk it over. 
 
 "Now, Mr. Johnson," said Benton, "I've figured up the value of 
 your furniture and fixtures that were burned, and I find they amount to 
 
 $359.63." 
 
 " But I thought I'd get the whole thousand," said Bill. 
 
 "Oh, no!" said the adjuster, "because you saved the balance of the 
 stuff. We only pay you for what's burned." 
 
 "Guess you're right," said Bill. 
 
 "Then there's the depreciation to come off." 
 
 "What's that?" asked Bill. 
 
 "The wear and tear ; the difference between old and new. You had 
 the furniture four months, and I'll figure the depreciation down low, say 
 forty per cent. ; that's only ten per cent, a month." 
 
 "Isn't that a good deal?" said Bill. " If I'd had it a year, I'd been 
 worse off than nothing." 
 
 Benton smiled and replied, "No, that's very reasonable. There's an 
 adjuster named Beard, at Denver, whom we call 'Old Depreciation/ 
 who 'd have made it sixty per cent., at least." 
 
 " Don't send for Beard," said Bill. "Let her go at forty." 
 
 "So, taking off the depreciation, that's $143.75; leaves your actual 
 loss just $215.88." 
 
 Bill looked over the figures, drew a long breath, and said, "That's 
 correct. Will you pay the money here, or send it from San Francisco?" 
 
196 THE KNAPSACK 1893 
 
 "By the way," asked the adjuster, "what rate did you pay?" 
 
 "A hundred and twenty dollars for the thousand," answered Bill, 
 " and it seemed to me rather steep." 
 
 "That was reasonable," said Benton, "very reasonable. Now, 
 there's another little proposition." 
 
 "Spring 5 er," said Bill. (I'll say right here that Johnson was one of 
 the coolest and gamest men I ever met ; nothing could startle him.) 
 
 "Did you ever read the adjuster's clause?" continued Benton, point- 
 ing to some fine blue print on the policy. 
 
 "No. What's that?" asked Bill. 
 
 " That provides that you shall pay the expenses of the adjustment, 
 because Tombstone is so far from San Francisco." 
 
 "That seems reasonable," said Bill. 
 
 "Yes, that's only right," said Benton, "and it makes it easier for 
 the companies. I've made up my bill of expenses, and here it is : 
 
 Fare from San Francisco to Tombstone and back . . $115 88 
 
 Hotel and other expenses, ten days . . 50 oo 
 
 Ten days' time, at $20 a day 200 oo 
 
 Total $365 88 
 
 Less amount of loss 215 88 
 
 Balance due the company from you, just $150 oo even." 
 
 Bill thought for a minute, then pulled out seven twenties and two 
 fives, handed them to Benton, and said, " That seems to be according to 
 the contract, and here 's your money. I played to win out, and ought to 
 have coppered her; but, look here Benton, I don't want to say anything 
 to hurt your feelings, but I'm not going to insure any more if that d d 
 adjuster's clause is in. The percentage against me is too heavy." 
 
 Benton laughed, and we all took a drink at Bill's expense. 
 
 Since then Bill and I have talked that case over a hundred times, I 
 suppose, but we always came to the same conclusion that it was a fair, 
 square game, but an unlucky deal. 
 
 Bill tried to hire Benton to stay in Tombstone and run his new 
 saloon for him, but couldn't get him to give up insurance. He said it 
 was a surer thing. EDWARD NILES. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1893 '97 
 
 THE MODEST-MANNERED MAIDEN. 
 
 As sung by E. W. CAKPBNTER at the 
 
 Banquet of the Fire Underwriters' Association of the Pacific, 
 San Francisco, February 21, 1893. 
 
 In a manager's office daily sat, with keen, receptive ear, 
 
 A typical, clickical, short-hand girl, to every secret near; 
 
 Yet she kept this knowledge all to herself, was mum as a maid can be, 
 
 Though occasionally heard, with manner severe, to remark complacently, 
 
 Should you seek an explanation, 
 Or insurance information, 
 
 I'm a frozen font of wisdom that responds to nary call ; 
 Yet with underwriting knowledge 
 I could discount any college ; 
 
 I'm a modest-mannered maiden, but I know it all. 
 
 I could tell what agents at Christmas-time get checks for souvenirs, 
 What brokers have their private plans that DuVal never hears ; 
 I know the girl who draws her pay without a stroke of work, 
 But whose papa's biz just ten times is her "wages" as a clerk. 
 
 Each of all these high-toned dodges 
 In this little cranium lodges ; 
 
 I can walk all round the P. I. U. and never trip or fall. 
 To the letter keep each ruling, 
 While its spirit I'm befooling ; 
 
 I'm a modest-mannered maiden, but I know it all. 
 
 I see the letter that is sent from "home," indignant with regrets 
 That the other man pays rebates on 'bout every risk he gets ; 
 Yet, hold your business, come what may (the writer '11 always add), 
 Which is English sly for cheat and lie : the income must be had. 
 
 Our instructions may degrade you, 
 But the compensation paid you 
 
 Ought to keep your manhood notions microscopically small ; 
 So preserve the Union running, 
 And we'll jointly gain by cunning ; 
 
 I'm a modest-mannered maiden, but I know it all. 
 
 I could name the agent whose misfit draft don't pay the balance due 
 Per monthly statement, so nicely drawn to fool the P. I. U. ; 
 I have seen the cunning special's charge for extra railway fare, 
 Wherewith he'd buy, at figures high, a local here and there. 
 
'THE KNAPSACK 1893 
 
 Yet, we flaunt our morals proudly, 
 In the Union preach most loudly, 
 
 And non-concurring brethren we, names, distinctive call ; 
 Always vote for measures winning, 
 Then evade them by our sinning ; 
 
 I'm a modest-mannered maiden, but I know it all. 
 
 And I know the genial manager who just drops in, to say 
 
 He thought he'd call to see if we were all alive to-day; 
 
 Then deftly turns the tide of speech towards what he wants to know, 
 
 And we've sometimes lied to dam that tide and stop its babbling flow. 
 
 We would not descend to rudeness, 
 So, with underwriting shrewdness 
 
 We just keep polite and popular by fiblets letting fall ; 
 We're so choice of others' feelings 
 That deceit marks all our dealings ; 
 
 I'm a modest-mannered maiden, but I know it all. 
 
 So many were the truths this maiden told, all causing deep distrust, 
 That to get her off the office force the manager thought he must ; 
 So he married the maid ; but within a year the Union went to smash ; 
 And in those sad days it was hard to raise, for lingerie, the cash. 
 
 So the mother, once the maiden, 
 With much care and trouble laden, 
 
 Now bemoans the day when honesty gave place to guilt and 
 
 gall; 
 
 Now her husband's income 's nothing, 
 She supports him doing washing ; 
 
 She 's a wisdom-wrinkled woman, and she knows it all. 
 
 Should insurance situations call for further explanations, 
 She's a broke-up fount of wisdom that responds to every call, 
 And with floods of frigid knowledge she could deluge any college ; 
 She's a wisdom-wrinkled woman, and she tells it all. 
 
 Moral : Nothing but the maiden. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1894 199 
 
 EDITORIAL, 1894. GEO. F. GRANT. 
 
 EDITORIAL. 
 
 *WENTY-FIVE years ago a man working in an insurance office was 
 taught to believe that the first requisite for making money in his 
 business was an adequate rate. The subject of rates was the 
 theme for private lectures and public papers. So imbued did he become 
 with this idea of rates, that the first printed speech containing a doubt of 
 this theory gave him a shock of disapproval, and the author was regarded 
 in the light of an apostate. It is useless now to speculate on the motive 
 of the author. He may have been a crank out of a job, or one ambitious 
 for notoriety as an advanced thinker. 
 
 The seed he dropped took root and bore fruit. Year after year the 
 doubt was nursed, until at last it lost a doubt's identity. Since then, 
 every ingenious theory imaginable has been presented in an endeavor to 
 prove why the net profit should not depend upon the rate at which 
 policies are written. 
 
 When the Compact office was born, it came for the purpose of 
 controlling the morals of the business. The Compact manager was the 
 keeper of the insurance conscience, and like a faithful monitor stood 
 watch over the just and unjust, holding all to a strict account and showing 
 favoritism to none. 
 
 In an unguarded moment the manager, listening to the logical siren, 
 reduced a rate on apparently technical grounds, but before he could, 
 metaphorically speaking, say Jack Robinson, he had reduced the rate on 
 the whole class to which this risk belonged ; and this was done, too, 
 under pressure of the " Governing Board " and to the great satisfaction 
 of every competing solicitor and the calm delight of the policyholder. 
 
 Then some one advanced the idea that if rates were only reduced all 
 around it would prevent the disruption of the Compact, because it would 
 leave the rate-cutter nothing in particular to cut from. For look you, it 
 seems to be better to roll up a large volume of business, and thus 
 demonstrate superiority over one's adversary, than to stand guard over 
 the rate. 
 
 Whatever element of chance there may happen to be in the business 
 thus becomes the foremost idol of the hour, 
 
200 THE KNAPSACK 1894 
 
 Fortunately for the Pacific Coast we have been too old fashioned to 
 tread rapidly in the footsteps of our Eastern brothers, but we are tending 
 that way. Year after year the wail of "no profit," is heard from over 
 beyond the Rocky mountains. Year after year the conflagration hazard 
 increases. 
 
 I leave to others the analysis of the fire waste, but to you members of 
 the Association I recommend the subject of adequate rates on the Pacific 
 Coast. 
 
 One constant menace to the rate is the "patent appliance." Some- 
 times it comes in the guise of an improved fire alarm; again as an 
 extinguisher ; but whatever form it takes it is accompanied by no end of 
 printed proof of superiority, and a talking agent before whom logic and 
 reason are expected to fade away, and reduction of rates to then and 
 there obtain. If this were all it would be better; but hardly have we 
 become accustomed to the reduced rate, when an able talker, with more 
 pamphlets, nails us down, demanding a further reduction because of an 
 improvement in the patent. 
 
 The older one grows and the more experience one gets in the 
 world's affairs, the more he learns to know that persistent effort will 
 accomplish almost anything. 
 
 If a local agent sets his mind on the reduction of a certain rate he 
 will get it. It may take time, but he will get it. And as one good turn 
 deserves another, other agents will get reductions on similar risks, and 
 get them the more easily because of the precedent established. 
 
 There never was a better time than now to agitate the subject of 
 adequate rates. We have just left behind us a hard year. All have not 
 suffered alike the rule is proven by the exception. Before us we face 
 we know not what. But, associates and friends, if experience is worth 
 the lives worn out to gain it, why not accept the advantage which costs 
 us nothing! 
 
 Let us return, as nearly as possible, to the theory which controlled 
 men in the insurance business twenty-five years ago. Let us return to 
 adequate rates. 
 
 A LADY, writing from Tacoma to a general manager here, complains 
 that she was insured in the Tacoma Insurance Company of Tacoma, 
 Washington ; says that she went into this because she thought it was 
 controlled by good men, and she got a little lower rate, but winds up her 
 letter by stating that hereafter she will not insure in sound companies. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1894 201 
 
 AFTER THE FIRE. 
 
 A bright young special climbed on the veteran's knee, 
 Begged for a story : "Do tell to me, 
 Why are you sighing, why do you groan, 
 Have you no hope left, why that deep moan?" 
 "I once was cheerful, years, years ago, 
 What, boy, has changed me, you will soon know ; 
 List to the story, and do not tire, 
 I lost my faith in man, 
 After the fire." 
 
 After the blaze is over, 
 After the smoke is away, 
 After the ashes are sifted, 
 After we 've all had to pay, 
 Many a heart is aching, 
 As the message goes by wire, 
 Many contingents are scattered, 
 After the fire. 
 
 "Once, in Montana, traveling up and down, 
 I stopped at Butte a rather rapid town ; 
 An expert was with me some call him ' Bill' ; 
 He and I together soon had our fill. 
 There was a dry goods stock ; 
 There was a liar ; 
 There was a smoke damage, 
 After the fire." 
 
 After the flames are over, 
 After the hose has burst, 
 After the claim has swollen, 
 After we all have cursed, 
 Then the figures are twisted, 
 Till we are in the mire 
 Seventy thousand they wanted ! 
 After the fire. 
 
 "Since then I 've lost my faith, 
 Do you wonder why? 
 The loss was not five thousand, 
 So said Bill and I ; 
 
202 THE KNAPSACK 1894 
 
 Every rusty piece of goods 
 That couldn't find a buyer, 
 Was put in as a total loss, 
 After the fire." 
 
 After the fire is over, 
 After the proofs are made, 
 After appraisement is ended, 
 After the damage is laid ; 
 O, how companies suffer, 
 And how adjusters tire, 
 Of paying unholy loss claims, 
 After the fire. 
 
 THE NEW AGENT AT HANGING ROCK. 
 
 'TpHERE was a vein of originality about our new agent at Hanging 
 Jl Rock, Colorado, that led us to hope that he would pan out the 
 pure metal, with only a trace, here and there, of lead and copper, 
 but the final assays were disappointing. 
 
 When he agreed to act for us, he said : "I don't know much about 
 insurance, but I'm a hustler and willing to learn." That sounded 
 encouraging, and I began to read to him our prohibited list, beginning 
 with "auction stock" and ending with "zinc factories," calling special 
 attention to the combustibility of "hay barns," "Chinese laundries" and 
 "powder magazines"; ringing the alarm on "cigars and tobacco"; 
 calling in the patrol on "lithographic stones," and sounding the police 
 whistle on "wall paper and paint stock." 
 
 He interrupted me with the remark: "I can't remember all of 
 those. All I want is to know the risks you can take, for after I write a 
 policy, I never will cancel." 
 
 I gave him the desired information; cautioned him about limits, 
 moral hazard and prompt remittances, and took the morning stage for 
 Gunnison. 
 
 His first letter, received some two weeks later, said : 
 
 "I'm working up a big business on a new plan. You will be 
 surprised when you learn how simple and easy it is. I 'm careful about 
 getting an A i moral hazard and no excess lines. Yesterday, Bill Brown 
 wrote up a policy of $2,500 on the furniture and fixtures and everything in 
 the house, situate in the 'Miners' Home,' a first-rate, third-class, wooden 
 hotel, with stovepipe flues, ten miles from here, at the crossing of 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1894 203 
 
 Rattlesnake Gulch and Mesquit Creek. The whole outfit isn't worth six 
 hundred, but Bill is a dead shot, and said if the policy didn't stick, he'd 
 cancel me at short range with a Winchester, and wipe out the agency ; 
 so I reinsured $2,475 with the other agent, keeping $25 for us, covering 
 on the cook stove, with patent water back. If she burns, as I think she 
 will, we '11 have a salvage, sure." 
 
 During the next six months, he sent in nineteen curiously worded 
 reports, with the numbers badly mixed. 
 
 We supplied him with fifty policies, numbered from ten thousand five 
 hundred and one to ten thousand five hundred and fifty. None of the 
 numbers of his reports were consecutive. In answer to queries, he 
 merely said: "That 's my new system a workin'." Finally, I made a 
 special trip from Denver to Hanging Rock, and asked an explanation. 
 
 "This system is simple and effective," said he. "I thought it out 
 myself, and it 's a daisy. Of course, I don't know anything about policy 
 writing, and the man who wants to insure knows what he wants better 
 than I can tell him ; so I signed all of the policies and distributed them 
 around town, among the business men, and asked them, whenever they 
 got ready to insure, to fill out the policies themselves and let me know. 
 Then I let you know, and that 's the reason the numbers don't run 
 regular. If number forty-nine writes up his policy before number nine- 
 teen, I send the report right in. In time, the numbers will check up all 
 right, but it may take a year before they all fit in. How do you like the 
 system; isn't it neat? It suits our people exactly." 
 
 I stayed a week ; got in all of our policies, except Bill Brown's, and 
 took up the agency. 
 
 It was a needed lesson, and I profited by it. 
 
 LITTLE JACK HORNER sat in the corner 
 
 Thinking if profits were stringent ; 
 He called in his forces to foot up his losses. 
 
 Good-bye to Jack Homer's contingent. 
 
 THE Colorado specials, as well as accountants, who have a vivid 
 
 recollection of J B 's hieroglyphics, will be pleased to learn why 
 
 his agency was popular and why he controlled so much good business. 
 
 The reason, as given by one of his clients, was, that under one of J 
 
 B 's policies one could recover for any property burned anywhere, as 
 
 no adjuster could prove by the written portion of the policy what property 
 was, or what property was not, intended to be covered. 
 
204 ^HE KNAPSACK 1894 
 
 A COLORADO ADJUSTMENT. 
 
 to the time of the fire, I thought Isidor was square. He was a 
 Jew, and his ancestors lived in Poland, but his credit was high at 
 the banks. He paid good wages, and made the usual hundred 
 per cent, on cheap goods, and from twenty-five to fifty per cent, on the 
 highest grades. He kept all of the Hebrew holidays, but stood in with 
 Christians, and was considered a superior specimen of his race. When 
 it came to a question of street car fare or postage stamps, he was as close 
 as some Eastern men ; but I did think he had too much business sense to 
 match his wits against a Yankee. Still, you never can tell. 
 
 The firm name was Wilzinski & Rosenstein. Its members were 
 Isidor Wilzinski and Moritz Rosenstein, the latter having a quarter 
 interest and little to say in the management. I kept the books and 
 occasionally acted as salesman. Their main store was at Pueblo, 
 occupying the basement and first and second floors of the Kirtland Block, 
 on Santa Fe avenue, where they carried a stock of clothing, averaging 
 from $20,000 to $30,000. They were sole agents for the Stetson hats ; 
 E. & W. collars and cuffs; Douglas three-dollar shoes, and Jaeger 
 underwear; were rated "62" by Bradstreet, and were supposed to be 
 doing a profitable trade. They also had branch stores at Canon City 
 and Cripple Creek. 
 
 Pueblo had never been so dull. The Bessemer rolling mills had 
 been shut down several months ; the Mesa Hotel had just burned ; the 
 Grand Hotel had been closed for a year, and "the Pittsburg of Colorado " 
 looked like San Diego after the boom. Our business had fallen off one- 
 half; collections were almost impossible; creditors were pressing, and 
 ruin seemed near at hand. 
 
 The firm had been carrying $19,000 on stock. The policies all 
 expired on October ist. On September isth we completed an inventory, 
 showing a stock value of $20,583.37. Isidor kept the inventory, 
 and made no record of it on the books. Our policies had the usual broad 
 permit: "Other concurrent insurance herewith permitted." On 
 renewal, the insurance was increased to $29,000. 
 
 About 10 o'clock on Sunday evening, October isth, the alarm 
 sounded, and a dense volume of smoke was seen pouring from the base- 
 ment of our store. The Pueblo fire department is a good one; the 
 firemen made a lightning hitch and run; threw two streams in the 
 basement, and had the fire put out within seven minutes after the alarm. 
 
 Monday morning the firm notified the local agents that they had 
 sustained a heavy loss, and asked for an immediate adjustment. The 
 companies were advised of the claim, and on the Wednesday following 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1894 
 
 four adjusters arrived from Denver. They examined the stock ; looked 
 wise, said little, smoked good cigars, and told several stories that were 
 entirely new to me, but did nothing definite toward a settlement. On the 
 afternoon of the second day after their arrival Isidor grew uneasy. 
 
 " How soon will you get this fixed?" he asked. "We want to clean 
 up and open the store. Our expenses are going on, and we are losing 
 fifty dollars a day, easy." 
 
 The adjusters laughed, and lighted fresh cigars, and resumed their 
 anecdotes. Isidor was getting mad. Just then there was a light rap on 
 the front door, which had been tightly closed. Isidor opened it, and in 
 stepped a quiet-looking man, who said, with a pleasant smile : 
 
 "Is this Mr. Wilzinski?" 
 
 " What 's left of him," growled Isidor. " Who are you?" 
 
 " My name is Bird," said the new comer, handing him a card reading 
 as follows : 
 
 A. BIRD, 
 
 Adjuster of Fire Losses, 
 1561 Curtis Street, 
 
 Denver. 
 
 "I represent thirteen thousand of your insurance. Is there any 
 damage ? ' ' 
 
 ' ' Is there any damage ? ' ' repeated Isidor ; ' ' there 's fourteen thousand 
 five hundred. At any rate, that's what we first claimed, but the stock's 
 looking worse and worse, and I wouldn't be surprised if we lost twenty 
 thousand." 
 
 "May I trouble you to show me your policies?" asked the adjuster. 
 
 "Certainly, Mr. Bird," said Isidor, "no trouble at all." 
 
 After closely examining the policies, the adjuster inquired : 
 
 "Where did the fire start ? " 
 
 "In the basement," said Isidor, adding quickly, "that is, we think 
 so." 
 
 " Let me see the basement, please," asked Bird. 
 
 "Why, there's nothing there," said Isidor, changing color a little. 
 " We didn't keep any stock there; there's nothing but old boxes and 
 rubbish." 
 
 "I'm not particular about going down, myself," answered Bird, in a 
 very smooth, pleasant way "in fact, it isn't really necessary, but you 
 know the rules of the companies, Mr. Wilzinski ; they expect us to go all 
 
206 THE KNAPSACK 1894 
 
 through a building. There's no sense in it, but I '11 just look down for a 
 minute and let it go at that." 
 
 They went down. Bird looked carelessly around and remarked : 
 " There 's quite a strong smell of coal oil." 
 
 "We filled our lamps down here," said Isidor. 
 
 After returning up stairs and looking carefully through the stock, 
 Bird consulted with the other adjusters for a few minutes, during which 
 recess Isidor and his partner had a quiet conversation in the office, of 
 which I caught the words: "Raise him to twenty thousand, Isidor; 
 he '11 stand it." 
 
 Bird then came forward and said: "The other adjusters have 
 authorized me to act for them. Is that agreeable to you?" 
 
 "Yes," said Isidor, "perfectly. I'd rather have it that way. When 
 I first saw you, I said to myself, 'there's a fair, square man, who knows 
 his business.'" 
 
 "All right," said Bird, " it won't take five minutes to settle it. Do I 
 understand you to say that you claim a loss under the policies, and, if so, 
 in what amount?" 
 
 Isidor rubbed his hands, and said, "Mr. Bird, we've lost twenty 
 thousand, if we've lost a dollar; but I don't want to be hard on the 
 companies. I'll say sixteen thousand, and we'll never take a cent less." 
 
 Bird laughed. He had such a genial, pleasant way with him that, by 
 this time, Isidor, Moritz, the other adjusters and myself had clustered 
 around as if we were drawn to him something like iron filings to a 
 magnet. 
 
 "Where is the loss?" he asked. 
 
 "Where?" shrieked Isidor, "Everywhere!" 
 
 "Were any of the goods burned, Isidor?" asked Bird, in a rich, 
 mellow tone, and added: "You'll excuse my familiar way of talking; 
 I'm from Connecticut, you know." 
 
 "That's right," was the reply, "call me Isidor. None of the goods 
 were burned ; but look at the smoke ! the stock is ruined." 
 
 " By the way," asked Bird, "do you use gas for lighting the store?" 
 
 "Nothing but gas," said Isidor. 
 
 Bird smiled, and what a pleasant smile he had. 
 
 "Are the goods blackened or discolored?" asked the adjuster. 
 
 " Not yet," said Isidor ; "it 's the odor the smell of smoke all through 
 everything. We can't sell the goods for ten cents on the dollar." 
 
 " What 's the value of your stock?" asked Bird. 
 
 "About forty thousand. We carry a big stock of the finest kind of 
 goods," replied Isidor. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1894 207 
 
 "Then the damage you claim is a smoke damage?" asked the 
 adjuster. 
 
 "Yes ! " said Isidor, "it's a smoke damage ; they all say that 's the 
 worst kind of damage to clothing." 
 
 "A damage from the odor; from the smell of smoke only?" asked 
 Bird. 
 
 "Yes, that 's it; the goods are saturated with it." 
 
 " Did you open the store and let the smoke out, after the fire? " said 
 the adjuster. 
 
 "No," said Isidor. 
 
 " Did you put the goods in the best possible condition, as required 
 by the policies ? ' ' 
 
 "We were afraid to touch them," said Isidor. 
 
 "Is there anything in the policies requiring us to pay anything 
 because there has been the smell of smoke in the store? " asked Bird. 
 
 "Isn't there?" said Isidor. 
 
 "No," answered Bird, "there is not; there is no liability whatever." 
 
 "And don't we get anything?" said Isidor, turning pale and 
 trembling. 
 
 "Nothing from us," said the adjuster, mildly and soothingly, "not 
 one dollar." 
 
 "We '11 sue the companies ! " shouted Isidor. 
 
 " Listen to me, " said Bird; "you don't understand your own case. 
 This is the way it is: You claim a $40,000 stock; you have about 
 $20,000. You are entitled to about $15,000 insurance on your present 
 stock; you have $29,000. The fire was started in two places in the 
 basement, Sunday night, and coal oil was freely used. Your lights are 
 gas; you don't use coal oil lamps. Now, I '11 say nothing more on those 
 points. Next comes the question of smoke damage. You claim a 
 damage from the smell of smoke only. A little smoke benefits clothing, 
 and will kill the larvae of moths, every time. Open your doors, and in 
 three hours the odor will disappear. Now is the opportunity of your life. 
 Advertise a fire sale ; throw open the store, and in the next two weeks 
 you will sell two-thirds of your stock at a big profit. I '11 tell you how to 
 to it. Get signs painted on cloth ' ' 
 
 "They're all ready," interrupted Isidor, with a sheepish smile, as he 
 went in the office and brought out several bolts of sheeting and unrolled 
 them, on which were painted, in large red letters : 
 
2o8 THE KNAPSACK 1894 
 
 "GREAT FIRE SALE! 
 THE INSURANCE COMPANIES HAVE SETTLED!!'' 
 
 IT IS THEIR LOSS, NOT OURS ! ! 
 THE ENTIRE STOCK FOR SALE 
 
 AT TWENTY CENTS ON THE DOLLAR ! ! ! 
 
 "That's the idea," said Bird. " Your fortune 's made. Now, how 
 about our expenses ? " 
 
 "What!" saidlsidor. 
 
 "You claimed a loss when there was none, and we could hold you 
 for our expenses, but let it go, Isidor, let it go. Come out and set up 
 the cigars for the crowd, and we '11 call it square." 
 
 And Isidor did. 
 
 The " great fire sale" began next day, and in three weeks the bulk 
 of the stock was sold at a large profit. The firm paid their debts, banked 
 the surplus, and to-day are doing the largest clothing business in Pueblo. 
 
 Moritz asked Isidor why he did not hold out for the amount of his 
 claim, and why he backed down so quickly. Isidor answered: " Moritz, 
 that adjuster was born in Connecticut ; he was on to the coal oil, and the 
 policies don't say anything about the smell of smoke ! " 
 
 "Isidor," said Moritz, "you vos yoost right." 
 
 AN UNPRECEDENTED SALVAGE. 
 
 A special agent, while in Utah recently, had occasion to adjust a loss 
 on a barn and the contents, including some horses, the latter being 
 insured for $100 per head, some three years previous. Owing to the 
 considerable fall in the value of live stock, the adjuster made an offer to 
 the assured of $40 per head. After some little controversy, the figures 
 were accepted and the adjustment closed. The next day, returning to 
 Salt Lake, the special in question observed a notice in the daily paper to 
 the effect that an auction sale of horses would take place on the following 
 day. To acquaint himself with the relative market value of these 
 animals, he decided to attend the sale. He did so, and was surprised 
 and even chagrined to observe that out of eighty animals, one of them 
 brought $10, and the remaining number from $1.75 to $2 apiece. He did 
 not sleep well that night, realizing how inefficiently he had served his 
 company in the adjustment of the day previous. However, relying upon 
 the adage of " everything comes to him who waits," he took note of this 
 fact. Within a week a similar loss took place and he was wired to 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1894 209 
 
 adjust. Upon examining the daily report he found that the policy 
 covered $1,500 on the barn and contents, $600 of which was placed on six 
 head of horses, with a loss limit of $100. Here was his chance. It was 
 an excellent opportunity to make a record for himself, and he forthwith 
 went to the auctioneer who had sold the animals, obtaining from him a 
 certified copy of the sale and the prices obtained, and, so as to fortify 
 himself doubly, obtained the additional signature of the local agents, that 
 this was true, and that same could be replaced for that figure. His face 
 beamed with smiles as he soliloquized, "While it is possible that the 
 entire six horses are burned, it is more than probable that one or two of 
 them have been saved. My salvage will be unexampled in the history of 
 adjustment." He got on the train, arrived at his destination, engaged a 
 team and drove to the scene of the fire. The barn and contents were a 
 total loss ; the horses were saved. 
 
 SUCH A NICE MAN, TOO. 
 
 From a social point of view we look 
 
 Upon our fellows, kindly, 
 And to their business vagaries, 
 
 Close friendship's optics, blindly; 
 A "manager" we may detest, 
 
 Whose ways are dark and dreary, 
 Yet for the "man " have friendly thoughts, 
 
 He 's socially so cheery. 
 
 CHORUS (Slow march time) : 
 
 Such a nice man, too, such a real nice man, 
 So affable and full of information, 
 All who know him must admit, 
 He 's a man of brains and wit, 
 And a gentleman of spotless reputation. 
 
 He says he won't, and yet he will, 
 
 Give rebate should he like to, 
 Excess commissions also pay, 
 
 Through tricks ad infinite. 
 When losses come he stands aloof, 
 
 Lets others work and worry, 
 But, figures made, to favor gain, 
 
 Pays claimants in a hurry. 
 
tHE KNAPSACK 1894 
 
 "There's naught in this great world," he boasts, 
 
 " Shall stop me from succeeding, 
 I '11 make just ev'ry scoop I can, 
 
 Repressing conscience-pleading ; 
 Thus while the honest dolts plod on, 
 
 I '11 soon become real wealthy, 
 Then quick retire from the ' Cosmos Fire, ' 
 With a gold reserve quite healthy." 
 
 And so the choicest gilt-edged risks 
 
 Come crowding to his door, 
 His prem'ums mounting higher up, 
 
 His morals tumbling lower, 
 His loss ratio quite modest is, 
 
 His adjustments are made gratis, 
 He taps his massive brow and says, 
 "What brain as this one great is?" 
 
 But the " Eternal Fire " (perpetual plan) 
 
 Does business somewhat later, 
 It's "always low as the lowest " bait 
 
 Will "scoop " in our rebater. 
 Then sizzling there, his sulphured thoughts, 
 
 Revert to cooler creatures, 
 To the snow-made image of boyhood days, 
 
 With frosty, frigid feature. 
 
 That image clothed in coat of sleet, 
 
 Till ice it all seemed to be, 
 Like all creation he 'd like to change, 
 
 With that creation, may be ; 
 But he 's struck a special hazard hot, 
 
 Sans sprinklers automatic, 
 A " fire ' '-man's lot he 'd gladly change 
 
 For an ice man, more phlegmatic. 
 
 CHORUS : 
 
 Yes, an ice man, true, just a real nice man, 
 
 A triumphant work of childish refrigeration, 
 Though with sightless, snow-ball eye, 
 And a mouth that couldn't lie, 
 Yet better far than sin's incineration. 
 
 CARPENTER. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1894 211 
 
 ON HER SURROUNDINGS. 
 
 WB. FRENCH, the veteran adjuster and flour mill expert of 
 o Chicago, tells the following : 
 
 The loss occurred at Joliet, under a 'Continental' policy. 
 The assured was a woman, and the policy read : 
 
 " $i,ooo on her two-story frame residence ; and $200 on her sur- 
 roundings." 
 
 I settled on the building, and then asked : 
 
 "Madam, what are your surroundings?" 
 
 "What did you say, sir?" 
 
 "Your surroundings, madam, what are they?" 
 
 "What do you mean, sir? They are quite as good as yours, I 
 think." 
 
 "No offense, madam ; please read your policy." 
 
 She did so, and then said : 
 
 "Excuse me; I didn't notice the wording. Well, sir, what are my 
 surroundings?" she asked with a smile. 
 
 I replied: "Ordinarily, I would define a woman's surroundings 
 as her wearing apparel." 
 
 "What I thought I was insuring," she answered, "was against loss 
 on the trees and shrubbery surrounding my residence." 
 
 "All right," I said, and allowed her fifty dollars' damage on the 
 shrubbery and trees. 
 
 It was the only case of the kind I ever had, but I think I made a 
 common sense adjustment. 
 
 THE adjuster sent the old man to the notary public to swear to his 
 claim, and the following conversation took place between the adjuster 
 and the daughter : 
 
 " You say you have just returned from abroad. Howl should like 
 to have been there ; and where did you visit, may I ask?" 
 
 " Our travels were confined principally to Ireland," she responded, 
 rather naively. 
 
 "Did you see the Blarney Stone?" he queried. 
 
 "Oh, yes," was her quick response. 
 
 Whereupon he commenced a most eloquent dissertation upon that 
 most famous object, and said that in view of his being unable to kiss that 
 stone himself he wished to do so by proxy. She drew back with aston- 
 ishment, but with a twinkling eye that betokened intelligence, replied : 
 
 "Sir, I did not kiss it; I simply sat on it." 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1894 
 "THE WOMAN'S EXCHANGE." 
 
 A TRUE STORY. 
 
 TT N December last I was in Denver, the prettiest city of its size in the 
 11 United States, and one having a much better climate than San 
 Francisco. During my stay there Henry J. Lufkin, our agent at 
 Wagon Wheel Gap, Colo., came to town to spend some of his commis- 
 sions, and, incidentally, called on me. 
 
 Mr. Lufkin is one of those genial, whole-souled gentlemen indigenous 
 to Colorado; is popularly called "Hank," and is very fond of a practical 
 joke. 
 
 After lunch one day, Lufkin and I were taking a stroll through town 
 and chanced to pass the Cumberland building on Stout street, on the first 
 floor of which is the "Woman's Exchange," so called, consisting of a 
 restaurant and a supply of fancy articles, embroidered penwipers, tidies, 
 lamp mats, canned fruits, cocoanut cake, custard pies and other feminine 
 products, all on sale for the benefit of their makers. 
 
 " Hank " gazed on the numerous signs on the outside of the build- 
 ing, setting forth in large letters the name of the association, "Woman's 
 Exchange," and finally burst into laughter and said: "When I get home 
 I 'm going to spring a joke on a verdant friend of mine that I believe will 
 prove a good one. If you get a letter from one James B. Ferguson 
 referring to the 'Woman's Exchange* you will understand what 
 prompted it." 
 
 A week later I received the following : 
 
 "WAGON WHEEL GAP, Colo., December 13, 1893. 
 
 " Honored Sir : Billy has just got back from Denver and tells me 
 there's a 'Woman's Exchange' in your town, where one can exchange 
 his wife for another woman, and I want to know if I can trade my wife, 
 and how much it costs to do it. 
 
 "I have a wife, 31 years old, a blonde, good looker, good worker, 
 and can play ' After the Ball ' on the piano ; but the altitude is too high 
 for her, and besides, this town is too slow for one of her gait. She wants 
 to fly high, and if I can swap her off for some good girl about 18 years 
 old I would like to do it, and my wife would like the scheme herself. 
 
 " If you can send a brunette that would like to come here and take 
 her place I '11 pay her expenses and introduce her to the best society and 
 make her life one of refined pleasure. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1894 
 
 "Send me her photograph, and if it suits me I will go down and 
 arrange for her legal transfer. 
 
 " Please answer by return mail. 
 
 " Respectfully, 
 
 "JAMES B. FERGUSON. 
 
 "P. S. Maybe Bill is lying to me, and if so, let me know, and I will 
 fix him so he will lie under the daisies before spring." 
 
 I was afraid to reply, and to this day don't know whether Mr. 
 Ferguson succeeded in making the desired trade. 
 
 WHEN THE "SPECIALS" COME HOME. 
 
 The old year is past and its duties are done ; 
 
 And now in my corner I sit in the sun, 
 
 And dream of the days when out on the road 
 
 I thought that I carried a wearying load 
 
 When I wrestled with agents to get in our coin, 
 
 And ate as I could, whether chucksteak or loin. 
 
 Still, my burdens seem hard, though no longer I roam ; 
 
 But I '11 lay them all down 
 
 When 
 
 The 
 
 Specials 
 
 Come 
 
 Home. 
 
 They are coming from near ; they are coming from far, 
 And are sure to ride in on the best palace car. 
 There's a smile on each lip and a flash in each eye, 
 As if none among them could ever say die. 
 They tone up the office with cheer and with hope, 
 And talk in as certain a way as the Pope. 
 Their knowledge is gleaned from no musty old tome, 
 And we all learn more 
 
 When 
 
 The 
 
 Specials 
 
 Come 
 
 Home, 
 
214 THE KNAPSACK 1894 
 
 And I hope, when a few more years have rolled by, 
 And I 've solved the grim problem that all must try- 
 When the fever of living has burned out at last, 
 And my memory is but a dim dream of the past 
 That perhaps in eternity's bright sunrise 
 In the crystal dephths of Paradise 
 I shall see reflected in Heaven's clear dome 
 The shades of the specials 
 
 As 
 
 They 
 
 Come 
 
 Home. 
 
 P. S. I 'm a little uncertain about the general agents. 
 
 " I WANT to be an expert, 
 And with the experts stand, 
 With my forehead full of figures, 
 And a ledger in my hand ; 
 And when I 've totaled up a loss 
 With much of mental strain, 
 Someone will coolly rub it out 
 And get it wrong again." 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1895 2/5 
 
 EDITORIAL, 1895. GEO. F. GRANT. 
 
 EDITORIAL. 
 
 YOU might as well ask me to fly as to request something funny for the 
 Knapsack this year, if that something requires time. I need 
 hardly dwell on the reason why. 
 
 This is a serious period, this fall of '94 and spring of '95. After 
 many years of mutual understanding we were all at once happily 
 engaged in the most formal manner in general and specific misunder- 
 standing; whispers became commands, and rumors grew strong as words 
 of holy writ. I say happily engaged, for to judge by the cheery tone and 
 smiling faces, special agents found the prospect of a fight more than 
 pleasing, and if they did not reflect the manager and his opinion it is too 
 bad. The Fire Underwriters' Association of the Pacific was on trial, and 
 if it had failed saltpetre would not have saved the business, but the seeds 
 sown twenty years ago come October were deeply rooted, and the boys 
 at Virginia City in 1875 are now grave and reserved men ; the spirit of 
 harmony and good will, of mutual advantage by associated effort 
 asserted itself in the hour of need and by the very boys who learned to 
 know and trust each other during that cold thirty days of adjustment so 
 long ago, they were able to meet and formulate a new plan, to bury the 
 hatchet and smoke the pipe of peace. It was a great feat well performed, 
 and I congratulate you, each one, on the result. I am not the keeper of 
 my neighbor's conscience, nor is it for me to cast stones at any man ; 
 but by the power vested in me as editor of the Knapsack I say unto you, 
 if you are by word or deed, by indirection or mental reservation, retard- 
 ing the progress of a successful and profitable insurance business on this 
 coast, you do that which, enriching nobody, makes you a marked and 
 shining target for boys now growing up in this Association to fire at ; it is 
 like tearing down with no intention of replacing or putting the gloss of 
 right on that which is in reality wrong ; it is sowing seed which in another 
 twenty years may bring ruin. 
 
 Perhaps the first business advice to have weight in the mind of the 
 youth was expressed in the familiar line : ' ' Go to the ant, thou sluggard ; 
 consider her ways and be wise." Having been liberally endowed by 
 nature with those traits and attributes, which tend to enlist sympathy 
 
216 THE KNAPSACK 1895 
 
 with the sluggard, I accepted the admonition as personal, and turned my 
 attention to the ant. The first specimen was found in the sugar barrel 
 and she was particularly repulsive, being black and ugly, and divided in 
 the middle by a hair line, having a pudgy ball on either side ; I slew her. 
 Reposing at a later date under an oaken tree in a green meadow, watch- 
 ing milk-white clouds float over a light blue sky, I again found the ant, 
 and she was numerous. When found she was within my trousers' leg ; I 
 considered her seriously and changed not only my position but the 
 trousers. This was instinct. Thus far I had not that wisdom for which 
 I yearned. It was many years later, in the town of Merced, before the 
 full force of the proverb was demonstrated. In the capacity of special 
 agent, I visited the San Joaquin district and came upon the ant at Merced. 
 She was of the small red variety, agile and strong. In great numbers she 
 was engaged in removing a pile of sand from one side of the walk to the 
 other, and during my stay at Merced, with unremitting zeal she struggled 
 over the path with a load and trotted back empty-handed for more. 
 Meantime, with varied step and gait, the villagers passed to and fro, 
 representing all ages, sexes and conditions of man, and the point which 
 arrested my attention and caused me to consider the ant was that of 
 destruction. It was the fate of some to die beneath the tread of the 
 passing people, but the survivers kept at their business with no apparent 
 cessation or delay, and the advice seemed plain enough: "Go to the 
 ant, thou sluggard ; consider her ways," and be wise enough to go to 
 work. Enter the vineyard in the morning and toil until night; bear the 
 burden and heat of the day with fortitude ; be thankful that the brain and 
 muscle, which a kind Providence has given you, can be put to good and 
 everlasting use ; consider the ant and her ways ; keep right on in your 
 work ; take little or no time for your meals ; never waste the precious 
 moment by talk with your neighbors, for is not the working ant a neuter, 
 without sex, no family ties, no mating season ; consider her ways and be 
 wise ; let your motto be business first, last and all the time. The male 
 ant has wings and takes a "nuptial flight," accompanied by the female 
 ant, also on wings, and after this short and happy example to the unem- 
 ployed the male ant dies and the female ant founds a new colony of ants, 
 a large percentage being neuters, or workers. If the male sluggard 
 considers the ant at the nuptial flight season it is quite likely he will think 
 it wise to join forces with a congenial female sluggard. But at Merced I 
 considered another matter it was the average of chance in the destruc- 
 tion of the ant stepped upon by the passing throng. It was not only 
 possible but probable that many of these ants worked all day on the path 
 and escaped scot-free ; some were maimed, but still worked on, and the 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1895 *'7 
 
 lesson I took was this : No matter what threatens, attend to your own 
 affairs ; let the dread and doubt and fear, the apprehension and the 
 borrowed trouble die in one grave. Give fair attention and honest 
 measure to your employer, but also attend to the wants of body and 
 mind, that health and temperance may follow you to a happy home. 
 You will feel the iron heel which stamps you out of existence all in due 
 time, and perhaps it would be fair to twist the advice to read : Go to the 
 ant, thou sluggard ; consider her ways and be otherwise. 
 
 BY AND BY. 
 
 The weary clerk looked up from his book, 
 
 As the ' ' special ' ' passed him by, 
 And he gave the traveling man a look, 
 
 And muttered, with a sigh : 
 "How sleek and saucy he appears, 
 
 How cheerful in his glance ; 
 Of creditors he has no fears, 
 
 Who lead me such a dance. 
 He thinks that he is fixed for life; 
 
 Just wait and see me try, 
 I'll get his place without much strife; 
 
 It will be mine, by and by. 
 
 It will be mine, by and by, 
 
 By and by ; 
 
 It will be mine, by and by. 
 In just about two years, 
 He will have cause for fears, 
 It will be mine, by and by." 
 
 The manager sat in his easy chair, 
 
 And pressed a little bell ; 
 The " special " tumbled through the air, 
 
 And, hastening, nearly fell. 
 The manager said : " Now, take the train, 
 
 And travel for a year, 
 Whether in sunshine or in rain, 
 
 And let good work appear." 
 The "special" started on his way, 
 
 With a satchel in each hand, 
 
218 THE KNAPSACK 1895 
 
 And as he traveled, day by day, 
 
 In obedience to command, 
 He thought : " He seems to have a cinch, 
 
 His job is very fine ; 
 But wait until he gets the ' pinch,' 
 
 And then it will be mine. 
 
 It will be mine, by and by, 
 
 By and by; 
 
 It will be mine, by and by. 
 I '11 be quiet for awhile, 
 But, pretty soon, I '11 smile, 
 
 It will be mine, by and by." 
 
 The Death Angel paused in his flight o'er the town, 
 
 With a gloomy air and severe, 
 And, as he marked his victims down, 
 
 He said, with a ghastly sneer: 
 " It 's really funny to hear them talk, 
 
 And scheme for each other's place, 
 While I am ready the plans to balk 
 
 Of all the human race. 
 An insect has more sense than they, 
 
 As it flutters in the sun, 
 For it enjoys each warming ray, 
 
 And their worry is never done. 
 
 They will be mine, by and by, 
 
 By and by ; 
 
 They will be mine, by and by ; 
 I will shut off their breath," 
 Said the Angel of Death, 
 
 "They will be mine, by and by." 
 
 I MET a local agent who represented our worthy President in an 
 Oregon town. Said he: " I am surprised to find that my manager, far 
 from being the strict churchman I had supposed, is no better than he 
 should be ; why, he is actually profane in correspondence, and that I hold 
 to be inexcusable." I stopped him and demanded proof. The letter 
 ran something like this : "We feel that it is high time to hear from your 
 agency. We find on looking over the expiration book that we have not 
 
 had a D R from you in three months. This worldly agent had 
 
 construed the D to mean dash and the R risk. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1895 
 
 A YOUNG and bashful special was called upon to adjust a loss on 
 " female wearing apparel" belonging to a plump and pleasing young 
 widow, as fair as a June apple, and whose well-turned foot reminded you 
 of Trilby's. After taking down a list of opera cloaks, silk and satin 
 dresses, dresses cut square, on the bias and gored up the back, dresses 
 high from the ground and low from the ceiling, he came at last to that 
 which even the most hardened of our special agents return in their proof as 
 "underwear"; but this poor, timid, bashful special (a rara avis to be 
 sure) was aware of the necessity of having a complete list of everything, 
 and so "corsets" and "chemises" were put down, and his voice 
 weakened, for the lady looked daggers, as he said: "Now, madam, I 
 am nearly through ; how many pairs of silk stockings did you say were 
 damaged?" "Seven pairs, and they cost me $10.50 per pair, and I can't 
 wear them again." The price seemed an exaggeration to the special, 
 although he remembered the McKinley tariff had just gone into effect ; so 
 he said : "They come high, don't they? " "No," said the lady, fiercely; 
 "not any higher than usual. I always wear mine long." This flabber- 
 gasted the young special, and he decided to finish the adjustment at once, 
 so said, "Please let me see your stockings." "Sir," said the lady, "do 
 you dare." This settled the special, but not the loss. Next day our 
 plump and pleasing widow called at the office and told the manager that 
 she had been insulted ; that no unmarried man had the right to ask her 
 such questions, smiling sweetly on the manager the while. He took the 
 adjustment into his own hands, paying more, I have been told, than if a 
 valued policy law were in force. 
 
 FROM various sources the following has been sent in, but as no two 
 stories are quite alike I take the liberty of an original version : 
 
 One day a telegraph boy brought a dispatch from a remote region, 
 reading : 
 
 "Large losses here cause general congratulations; your office has 
 twelve thousand total." Well, I thought, that is candid, to say the least. 
 I know times are hard and business dull ; I also have a feeling of uneasi- 
 ness about incendiarism, and from the tone of the agent's letters heretofore 
 I somehow felt lack of confidence, but this bare-faced exultation over the 
 prospect of a cash sale to insurance companies is carrying bad practices 
 quite too far. It transpired in due time that an error had been made in 
 transmitting the message, which was intended to read, "Large losses 
 here cause general conflagration," etc. 
 
220 THE KNAPSACK 1895 
 
 A BRIGHT young agent who hails from the Garden City thought the 
 compact ought not to charge for a cement chimney which was not in 
 actual use. His erudite and "strictly in line" manager told him the 
 charge must be made ; that as long as the chimney remained, even if it 
 were not in use, a charge should be made, and that the only way to 
 obtain a reduction would be to remove the chimney. Nothing daunted, 
 this bold but smooth-faced youth, whose smile reminds you of your best 
 girl, would not have it, so he wrote out the following endorsement: 
 "Warranted by the assured that the cement chimney will only be used 
 during the life of the policy for ventilation purposes" The aforesaid 
 manager, who loves a joke, sent the endorsement to the compact and it 
 passed. 
 
 IF I should die to-night 
 
 And you should come to my cold corpse and say, 
 Weary and heartsick o'er my lifeless clay ; 
 
 If I should die to-night 
 
 And you should come in deepest grief and woe, 
 And say, " Here 's that ten dollars that I owe," 
 I might arise in my large white cravat 
 And say, "What's that?" 
 
 If I should die to-night 
 
 And you should come to my cold corpse and kneel, 
 Clasping my bier to show the grief you feel ; 
 
 I say if I should die to-night, 
 And you should come to me there and then, 
 Just even hint 'bout paying me that ten, 
 I might arise the while, 
 But I 'd drop dead again. 
 
 IT WAS a small town, and he was young, but earnest, when appointed 
 local agent. He soon mastered the rate book and insured his brother's 
 stock. The brother strongly objected to the high rate and produced last 
 year's policy. It was no use, rules are rules and the minimum rate book 
 contained these words : 
 
 Rate on building 1.60 
 
 Rate on contents 1.80 
 
 The total of these figures is 3.40, and the brother had to pay that rate, or 
 fight and he paid. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1895 221 
 
 A NEVADA ADJUSTMENT. 
 
 SOME say special work is hard and that experience is necessary for 
 success in that line. I made my first trip last week, wrote up 
 some new business, adjusted a loss and found it easy. I suppose 
 there is a difference in men, but I 'm a student. I 've read the rate books 
 from One to Four, and all of the Pacific Insurance Union circulars, 
 including those that didn't go. I know "Lowden's" Adjustment of 
 Book Losses by heart, and have studied the Kinne Rule over and over, 
 but O ! I hope I will never have to adjust a loss where the policies don't 
 read alike. If there 's anything in Tiffany, Griswold or Hine I 'm not 
 posted on, it must be in later editions than mine. I 've even read the 
 Otey Manual clear through, including the dedication and diagrams. So, 
 when the manager called me up from the supply department and started 
 me on a special trip, I was sure I 'd succeed because I had the theory 
 down fine and all I had to do was to apply it. I didn't travel far, but I 
 may go out again next summer and stay longer. 
 
 First I went to Elko, arriving there January 3d. Agent Jones gave 
 me $2,000 on the "Diamond Hotel." On the fifth the hotel burned. 
 That was too bad, for it set a splendid table. I don't know why they 
 did not get me to adjust that loss. 
 
 Then I went to Be-owa-we and took the stage for Weeping Water 
 station, 30 miles west. There I appointed J. Wesley Ferguson agent. 
 He is also postmaster, justice of the peace, notary public, stage agent, 
 express agent, and has a cattle range of 3,700 acres near the station. I 
 insured his dwelling house and showed him how to make the rate under 
 Book 4. 
 
 "First," I said, "the basis is seventy-five cents." 
 
 ' ' As low as that ? ' ' asked the new agent. 
 
 " Yes ; but that's on each hundred dollars, you know." 
 
 "All right," said Ferguson. 
 
 "Then for deficiencies we add seventy-five cents." 
 
 "What's that for?" 
 
 "Isn't there an old silk hat stuck through a broken window up 
 stairs?" 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 "Well, you can see by the book that we have to charge seventy-five 
 cents for a stovepipe through the side, window or roof. ' ' 
 
 "Correct," said Ferguson. 
 
 "Now for the exposure charges." 
 
 "The dwelling stands alone," said the agent; "there's no other 
 building nearer than two miles east, where I have a wooden house 
 
222 THE KNAPSACK 1895 
 
 occupied by the men at the round-up station, and west three miles I have 
 a cattle barn." 
 
 "Hold on," said I, pleasantly ; " we must go by the book. For frame 
 dwelling house situate two miles east of said dwelling, on said ranch, 
 fifty cents, and for frame private barn situate on said ranch three miles 
 west, fifty cents." 
 
 "Are they exposures when they are so far away ? " asked the agent. 
 
 "Well," I answered, "to be fair and square with you, I don't think 
 them very dangerous, even in a strong wind, but we have to charge for 
 them just the same, for the rule says : ' Charge for every other building 
 in the range.' " 
 
 ' ' That 's all right, ' ' said Ferguson. ' ' I see you know your business. ' ' 
 
 "Any objections to my adding the 'adjuster's clause' ? " I asked. 
 
 "No," he replied, "everything goes. You 're pretty good on addi- 
 tion, old man ; add anything you want. ' ' 
 
 So I wrote $2,000 on his dwelling for five years, annual rate two and 
 a half, term rate seven and a half, premium $150, and then went to Reno, 
 where I made my first adjustment. The policy covered $500 on a frame 
 dwelling house, $300 on household furniture and $200 on one violin. 
 
 The assured was a professional musician, well known in Reno, a 
 distinguished violinist, and appeared to be a man of superior education. 
 Everything checked up all right until I came to the violin. 
 
 "Professor," I said, "that must have been a fine fiddle of yours to 
 have had $200 insurance on it. Where did you buy it?" 
 
 "It was left to me by my father," he replied, and the tears came to 
 his eyes. " It had been in our family for many years." 
 
 When he said this I knew I had him, but I never changed countenance, 
 and continued ; ' ' What did you value it at ? " 
 
 "It was priceless. I refused $4,000 for it. It was insured for a 
 trifling sum, for I never expected a fire." 
 
 "What make was it?'" 
 
 "A genuine Stradivarius, and was inscribed 'Antonius Stradivarius 
 Faciebat, Cremona, 1771'." 
 
 ' ' Who was Faciebat ? " I asked. ' ' One of the firm ? ' ' 
 
 He looked at me wearily and answered, "Faciebat is Latin for 'he 
 made it.' The violin was made by the great Stradivarius at Cremona, 
 Italy, in 1771." 
 
 "In 1771 and this is 1895. Then it was a hundred and twenty-four 
 years old, and we supposed we were insuring a new, first-class violin. 
 Of course you don't make any claim on that item, professor? " 
 
 "Why not?" 
 
 "Look here," said I; "See what Tiffany says;" and I pulled the 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1895 223 
 
 book on him. ' ' Musical instruments depreciate annually 5 per cent. You 
 can figure the depreciation yourself, professor. A hundred and twenty- 
 four years at five per cent, a year leaves no value, and Griswold says : 
 'Where there 's no value there 's no liability'." 
 
 " But " said the professor, 
 
 "Tiffany," said I 
 
 "D n your Tiffany and Griswold, too," said the professor; "was 
 there ever such an idiot? " 
 
 "Do you mean me?" said I. 
 
 "Never mind, sir," he replied, "I '11 write to the company." 
 
 "Very well," I answered, and left him. But I never understood 
 why the company finally paid him a total loss. 
 
 E. NILES. 
 
 THE SUPPRESSED VERSION. 
 
 (Not allowed to be sung in San Francisco.) 
 
 There was once a simple agent came to 'Frisco on a trip, 
 When the Compact rates were split right up the back ; 
 His cheek was still unhardened, he 'd a smile upon his lip, 
 Though the Compact rates were split right up the back. 
 When he landed at the ferry he took a little stroll, 
 And he met a nervous manager who had lost his self-control ; 
 Said he : "The news is awful. Why, bless your verdant soul, 
 The Compact Rates are split right up the back." 
 
 But, oh dear, he doesn't look the same ; 
 
 When he left Milpitas he was shy, 
 But alas, and alack, he's gone back 
 With a naughty little twinkle in his eye. 
 
 He walked up town with a twist upon his face, 
 
 For the Compact rates were split right up the back ; 
 
 It was hard to hold his morals in their customary place, 
 
 For the Compact rates were split right up the back. 
 
 Of course he knew his manners, he 'd been taught to be polite, 
 
 So when asked, "Hem, cut rates?" he said, "Hem, all right. 
 
 I'm a stranger in the city, but at home I '11 try to fight, 
 
 While the Compact rates are split right up the back." 
 
224 THE KNAPSACK 1895 
 
 He took his arm in confidence, he liked his pleasant ways, 
 
 While the Compact rates were split right up the back ; 
 
 And as he passed the offices he stared in great amaze, 
 
 For the Compact rates were split right up the back. 
 
 He asked on what the cut would go, the answer was "good biz," 
 
 Then he took him into Collins' and treated him to fizz ; 
 
 Said he, "I think it 's nicer than a glass of milk, it is, 
 
 Though the Compact rates were split right up the back." 
 
 They drank until the artless man so very weary grew, 
 While the Compact rates were split right up the back ; 
 That a six per centum rate was dwindled down to two, 
 For the Compact rates were split right up the back. 
 Then silently he left the town and took the evening train 
 And wrote up hay barns at a rate that gave the office pain, 
 Said he, "They'll never catch me with their Compact again, 
 For the Compact rates are split right up the back." 
 
 But, oh dear, he doesn't act the same ; 
 
 When he left Milpitas he was shy, 
 But alas, and alack, he went back 
 With a naughty little twinkle in his eye. 
 
 E. NILES. 
 
 A WELL-KNOWN broker in a city not far distant, and whom we will 
 call Long, for short, called upon a certain manager, who is known for 
 his suavity of manner, and offered a line of insurance upon a "glucose 
 factory," which risk was on the "prohibited list" of the aforesaid 
 manager. The manager declined the risk, but the broker persisted, and 
 said: " You know there is no 'moral hazard' in connection with this 
 risk" naming the gentleman connected with it. The manager said: 
 " We are aware of that and our objection goes to the ' physical hazard.' " 
 The broker replied : " I fear you are mistaken ; have you ever inspected 
 the property ? " "No," said the manager, "but such risks are physically 
 poor." "You are mistaken in this," said the broker, "for I have made 
 a personal inspection of it, and you ought to see the great, big, strong 
 men working there ; their arms were bare and their muscles stood out 
 like whip-cords, and their broad chests and powerful limbs were superb. 
 I never saw men better made physically. I am certain you would change 
 your opinion about the ' physical hazard' if you could see these men." 
 The manager smiled, but had strength enough left to decline the risk. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1895 225 
 
 A DETECTIVE STORY. 
 
 I HOPE I am not over confident of my own power of discernment, and 
 no one has ever accused me of undue egotism, but I feel sure if I 
 were not a special agent I would be a detective. I pride myself on 
 my knowledge of human nature and my ability to see the motives of men 
 at a glance. This was in a measure demonstrated at the large fire at 
 Traver, and I have given the subject of one particular loss a good deal of 
 thought since then, and I think I have gained knowledge of great value 
 both to a special and a detective. The facts are these : One night, or 
 rather morning, for it was about 2 o'clock A. M., after a long sitting with 
 a claimant I went into the cool air for the purpose of refreshing myself 
 preparatory to sleep. I was drowsily smoking, when all at once 1 saw a 
 dark shadow moving along the street in a noiseless and apparently 
 stealthy way. With equal caution I followed. It proved to be a man, 
 and he went with great care and precision to the rear of a building 
 situated on the outer edge of the burned district, let himself into the back 
 door by means of a key, fastened the door, lighted a candle and with 
 deliberate action put a pile of rags in the middle of the floor, poured 
 kerosene over them from a convenient can, and applied a match. I saw 
 the flames burst forth, and waiting to see no more I ran at once to the 
 home of the town marshal ; awakening that official I quickly told the 
 story, then hastened to the bedside of a few , trusty adjusters, arousing 
 them also to action. With much discretion we surrounded the store 
 where the fire had been started. Through the shutters we could still see 
 the form of the incendiary feeding the flames. The marshal had no 
 difficulty in recognizing the man as Alex Wollenslagger, of the firm of 
 Dagger & Wollenslagger, and it was well known they were claimants by 
 the recent loss. After a council of war, so to speak, the marshal beat a 
 loud tattoo on the front door, at the same time calling upon the incendi- 
 ary by name to come out, and be d d to him. This had the desired 
 
 effect, and Wollenslagger came forth. He was the coolest villian I 
 thought I had ever seen. He had the obsequious air of a counter-jumper, 
 and the accent which is a dead give-away. He invited us inside with 
 much apparent hospitality, and his eye never blinked nor did his color 
 once change. This, thought I, is the most hardened scoundrel ever 
 caught red-handed. Finally, the marshal recovered from his temporary 
 stupor and made his arrest, naming all the damaging evidence in our 
 possession and the eye witnesses to the crime. "That is all right," said 
 Wollenslagger; " I settles my loss with the Royal Insurance Company 
 yesterday, and I gets ready for a schmoke damage and a cash sale 
 to-morrow." The adjuster of the Royal was still in town and confirmed 
 
226 THE KNAPSACK 1895 
 
 Wollenslagger's story. The smoke was an after thought to influence 
 trade. 
 
 I DIDN'T THINK HE'D DO IT; BUT HE DID. 
 As sung by E. W. CARPENTER. 
 
 [A very much resigned ex-company manager.] 
 
 The world is full of people who are always on the bluff, 
 
 And you meet them ev'ry where. 
 In our underwriting business we 've found many that are tough, 
 
 Hardly ever on the square. 
 I had an old-time customer whose rate was boosted higher ; 
 
 He "kicked" and said insurance was "no good." 
 I jokingly suggested he could square accounts by fire ; 
 
 To tell the truth I didn't think he would. 
 
 CHORUS : 
 
 I didn't think he 'd do it, but he did, did, did ; 
 
 He said he always knew it, and he did. 
 
 He beat me " by a scratch," 
 
 With his auburn-headed match ; 
 
 I didn't think he'd do it, but he did. 
 
 Though proof was really lacking, I accused him of the crime, 
 
 Said I'd land him in the jail, 
 And I quoted court decisions from the early English time, 
 
 In a way that made him quail, 
 But finally suggested that I might not prosecute, 
 
 So full of human kindness was my mood, 
 If for one dollar full receipt he 'd promptly execute ; 
 
 To tell the truth, I didn't think he would. 
 
 CHORUS : 
 
 I didn't think he'd do it, but he did, did, did; 
 
 He wanted to get through it, and he did. 
 
 He took his dollar bright 
 
 Then briskly skipped from sight, 
 
 I didn't think he 'd do it, but he did. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1895 227 
 
 I trembling, took the policies, was paralyzed with joy, 
 
 But recovered very quick, 
 When claimant's many creditors quite promptly did employ 
 
 An attorney smart and slick, 
 Who "intimidation" hinted at, and prison bars "to boot," 
 
 Claimed total loss in manner very rude. 
 I told him I'd receipts in full he'd better bring his suit ; 
 
 To tell the truth, I didn't think he would. 
 
 CHORUS : 
 
 I didn't think he'd do it, but he did, did, did; 
 He told me that I'd rue it, and I did. 
 On the judge he "had the call," 
 Made me pay claim, costs and all, 
 I didn't think he'd do it, but he did. 
 
 Now episodes like this one detract sadly from the bliss 
 
 Underwriters all desire. 
 But when thereto, through faith less fraud, large loads of acts remiss, 
 
 Are by themselves piled higher, 
 I was so much disgusted that I couldn't help but tell 
 
 (In vernacular so plainly understood), 
 
 My offices I "guessed" I'd quit the "biz" could go to * 
 
 (Spoken) Well, 
 
 Of course, you know, I didn't think it would. 1 
 
 CHORUS : 
 
 From present point of view, it seems it did, did, did ; 
 
 For something happened to it, yes there did, 
 
 But where going to or gone 
 
 Is too deep a thought for song. 
 
 I didn't think 'twould do it, but it did. 
 
 * Considering the present unsettled condition of insurance affairs on this Coast 
 (to which, as a whole, and not to the "biz" of any particular office, reference is 
 here made) the writer would not hazard a suggestion as to the locality, and the 
 reader can (of rhyme regardless) supply the omission in accordance with his idea of 
 the situation as seen from his individual point of view. 
 
228 THE KNAPSACK 1895 
 
 ONE of our managers has a family of beautiful children. They were 
 discussing a gentleman friend at table, when the little daughter asked, 
 "What is a bachelor?" "Ugh," said the little boy, "anybody knows 
 that. A bachelor is a man whose wife does not wear a wedding ring." 
 
 "WAIT, MR. POSTMAN!" 
 
 The postman was late, and was running along, 
 To gather the letters in time, 
 
 When he heard a gruff voice like a bull-frog's song, 
 Or a mellow-toned cow-bell's chime. 
 
 CHORUS : 
 
 "Wait, Mr. Postman, don't hurry so fast, 
 Wait, Mr. Postman, I 've caught you at last ; 
 This letter must go in the mail before two, 
 So our Oakland agent will know what to do, 
 Wait, Mr. Postman, please bend down your head, 
 Wait, Mr. Postman, the compact 's not dead ; 
 Wait, Mr. Postman, for heaven's sake wait, 
 Or he'll give us more risks at a deep-cut rate." 
 
 THE NAUGHTY MAN. 
 
 By R. W. OSBOBN, as sung by A. M. BROWN. 
 
 (With apologies to "The Bogie Man.") 
 
 Come, listen to my song to-night, you underwriters all, 
 I '11 tell you 'bout the naughty man, who's bound to have his fall- 
 He joins the P. I. U., he does, the rules and laws he'll scan, 
 But he '11 not keep to anything, this very naughty man. 
 
 CHORUS : 
 
 Fie ! Fie ! Fie ! Oh, what a naughty man, 
 
 To join the P. I. U. and promise everything he can; 
 
 Just look there, and quickly his face scan, 
 
 And tell me if you 'd think him such an awful naughty man. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1895 229 
 
 He goes into the street forthwith, a broker for to catch, 
 And offers twenty-five, but finds the other quite his match ; 
 He offers thirty, thirty-five, the limit of his plan 
 Another takes the broker from this very naughty man. 
 
 [CHORUS :] 
 
 The next step is the country, there an agent for to get, 
 He '11 not stop short of twenty-five or thirty, you can bet ; 
 To drop or shelve the other one is usually his plan, 
 You can't find out so very much about this naughty man. 
 
 [CHORUS :] 
 
 Then comes disruption, threatened so, to all along the line.- 
 
 The organization fails to cash a solitary fine ; 
 
 So daily do the members meet to formulate a plan, 
 
 To check the work and damage of this very naughty man. 
 
 [CHORUS :] 
 
 Then one his resignation sends, in hopes to bear good fruit, 
 When, within a week or two, so many follow suit ; 
 The war gets warm, and each man sweats, some needing much a fan, 
 And on account the crooked ways of this very naughty man. 
 
 [CHORUS :] 
 
 The new board forms and to the sea each underwriter went, 
 
 To discuss the ways and means, the naughty things we must prevent ; 
 
 When they returned quite full of joy at a perfected plan, 
 
 They bid good-bye to tricks and works of this very naughty man. 
 
 [CHORUS :] 
 LATER. [POSSIBLY A LITTLE PREMATURE.] 
 
 The war is fully over and we are all into line, 
 New hope springs up, bad faith no more, for all is looking fine ; 
 Each man has to his senses come, and every face you scan 
 So clearly shows from this time on there is no naughty man. 
 
230 THE KNAPSACK 1895 
 
 CHORUS : 
 
 Ha! ha! ha! each is a goody man, 
 
 To join hands with the rest of us to do the good he can ; 
 
 Ha! ha! ha ! just try each face to scan, 
 
 And it will be impossible to find a naughty man. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1896 231 
 
 EDITORIAL, 1896. GEO. F. GRANT. 
 
 EDITORIAL. 
 
 IT HAS been a subject of comment at home and abroad that the 
 insurance people of the Pacific Coast have deliberately thrown away 
 a large and desirable business. It reminds us of the man who 
 killed the goose who laid the golden eggs. 
 
 In the man's case it was curiosity to see where the golden eggs 
 came from ; in the case of the insurance people it was different. 
 
 The insurance publications of New York and Chicago are particu- 
 larly satirical and facetious in their comments on the situation, and yet it 
 is not new or strange, except to the Pacific Coast. In certain districts 
 in the East there is a mild eruption, with more or less feverish action all 
 the time. 
 
 The Pacific Coast has been for many years unusually prosperous, 
 and all classes thrived ; money came to all, whether in or out of the 
 insurance business. When I say of the Coast, "It has been" prosper- 
 ous, that very nearly tells the tale, for a "has been" seldom attains a 
 second time, so far as fame and fortune is concerned, a position where 
 he can be said to be in it, or of it, strictly speaking. 
 
 From 1875 to 1890 money was easy to get, everybody seemed to 
 have enough and to spare ; "the wave of prosperity" seemed to be ever 
 at the flood. In insurance business we thought our success an evidence 
 of superior judgment on the part of officers, and we talked freely and 
 learnedly of the "science" of our trade; we ranked ourselves with 
 bankers and financial agents, and plumed ourselves not a little on the 
 keen insight into human nature we possessed which made us particularly 
 fitted for our dignified and scientific calling. In 1891 the wave of pros- 
 perity was going out, but we heeded it not. In 1892 we felt something, 
 but did not know what had hit us ; at least I have thus far failed to find 
 the man who claims he then knew what has since been shown to all. 
 While the knowledge of the advent of hard times was slowly filtering 
 into our dull minds, we were irritable, accusing each other, trying to 
 fasten the blame for loss of business on the Compact, on the unprincipled 
 agent, and on the lack of Faith, Hope and Charity in our associates, and 
 on all of them, irrespective of previous reputation. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1896 
 
 The Compact was such a perfect machine that it took the place of 
 skilled labor, and when we killed the Compact we were obliged to exer- 
 cise our alleged brains (Heaven save the mark! ) and after that the 
 cunning instinct which dwells more or less with every man was aroused 
 and put into action. Look at the annual figures for 1895 and read the 
 story ; that is the result of our best efforts to prove our eminent and unu- 
 sual fitness to manage the affairs of an insurance office during hard times. 
 What I was about to say is this: When "good times" return we will 
 have peace I mean by good times, general prosperity. When money is 
 plenty and easy to get, the insurance business will once more be ranked 
 as a science, but you can take my word you will never see the business 
 as it has been on the Pacific Coast. 
 
 It is perhaps needless for me to say my remarks are particularly ad- 
 dressed to the young men of the Association, to whom the "insurance 
 war" will soon be but a part of history. 
 
 THE only incident I remember, said the quiet member, which will 
 be at all appropriate for the Knapsack, occurred many years ago at 
 Santa Cruz. The town was small and the stage road over the mountain 
 was inaccessible in the winter months. There was no telegraph line, and 
 sometimes the people waited as long as sixty days for a San Francisco 
 paper. The sea also was rough, and steamers could not land. About 
 this time the town folks started a hose company, but as a matter of fact 
 it was more of a salvage corps than a hose company, owing to the 
 limited supply of water. Our office had a policy in the contents of a 
 boarding and lodging house, and a loss was reported. The assured was 
 a quick-witted but uneducated son of the Emerald Ise, and he claimed 
 "everything in sight," as the expression goes. 
 
 It was beyond doubt an incendiary fire, and started in the corner of 
 the sitting room down stairs. A quick alarm was given, and the fire boys 
 not content with putting out the fire, moved all the furniture on the 
 second story across the street to an empty building. This they did so 
 carefully that no damage was done, and only the bed clothing looked 
 disturbed ; the sheets, blankets and covers were tumbled together, but 
 otherwise uninjured. I went over the ground with the assured, exercis- 
 ing great patience. We talked of the origin of the fire, the condition of 
 the contract, the duty of the assured and the liability of the company ; 
 and finally, out of patience, I said, "But you have no claim here; 
 nothing is destroyed." "How about the bed clothes ? " he said. "Why, 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1896 
 
 man, it is only necessary to wash them." "Wash them, is it," he 
 replied ; ' ' wash them ? Don 't you know it damages sheets like hell to 
 wash them." 
 
 EIGHT WORD POEM. 
 
 Cut rate, 
 
 Long trust; 
 Big line, 
 
 Soon bust. 
 
 SONOMA agents claim that in their county a good article of grape 
 butter is made by churning the wine. 
 
 SPECIAL, spare that rate ! 
 
 O, cut it not in half, 
 Nor anything abate, 
 
 Lest customers may laugh, 
 And say, with a broad grin, 
 
 "Aha, we told you so ; 
 They're fighting now like sin, 
 
 And we will have a show." 
 
 Special, spare that rate ! 
 
 And split it not in twain. 
 For years it sheltered me, 
 
 And may do so again ; 
 Swing not your ready axe, 
 
 Draw not your snickersnee ; 
 Special, spare that rate ! 
 
 If you would happy be. 
 
 Special, hold that rate! 
 
 And at a fair price sell, 
 For if you wildly cut, 
 
 The rates will go to well ! 
 They 're sure to go below 
 
 A figure just and right ; 
 Special, spare that rate ! 
 
 Nor send it " out of sight." 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1896 
 
 "SOUT O' MARKET." 
 
 AT DE time of de big fire, sout' o' Market, last June, I had me room 
 at Mrs. Muldoon's, on Freelon street, near Fourt.' De old gal 
 had tree hundred insurance ; two hundred on her furniture and 
 one hundred on her pianny. De nex' morning after de fire she gives 
 me de policy and says : 
 
 " Mickey" (me name's Michael, but dey calls me Mickey fer short), 
 "Ye goes down to de office and ye brings me de tree hundred, fer I 
 needs it," she says. 
 
 "Well, all right>" I says, and I goes to de office. 
 
 I goes in it was a dandy office, wid de prettiest gal I ever see in 
 one corner tumping hell's delight out of a pocket pianny I tought it 
 was but dere's a pal o' mine on Jessie street dat knows ; he told me 
 afterwards it was a type rider; and a four-eyed dude steps up to de 
 counter, and he says right off, hot from de bat : 
 
 "Well, young feller, \votyou want?" 
 
 Say, I ain't no fool, if I never had no edoocation 'cept dat night 
 school at de Lincoln, and I sees right off he was no good. 
 
 " Where 's de main guy ? " I says. 
 
 "Who?^ 'he says. 
 
 " De foreman; de man wot writes de policies. Dere was a fire at 
 Muldoon's. Say, de poor woman wants tree hundred," and I trew down 
 de paper. "Does she get it? She's a poor, hard-workin' woman. 
 She says her beads reg'lar an' she needs de dough." 
 
 De dude stepped into a room wid glass around it and den comes out 
 and says: "Dis way, sir, if ye please;" jest like dat; smoot' as dose 
 butter cakes at Dennett's. 
 
 I goes in an' dere was anodder dude wid his Sunday cloze on, but a 
 pleasant feller, and he says : " Wot's yer name, sir ? " 
 
 ''Michael Free." 
 
 He says : "Mr. Free, are ye square?" 
 
 "On de roof," I says; but say, ye could have knocked me down 
 wid a fedder. 
 
 "Ye roomed at Muldoon's? " 
 
 "Dat's wot I did." 
 
 "Look here, Mr. Free," he says, "you know what Mrs. Muldoon 
 lost ? We gives her every cart-wheel she loses dat 's all. Did she lose 
 three hundred ? " 
 
 "Nit," I says. 
 
 "Did de pianny burn? " 
 
 "Naw," I says. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1896 235 
 
 "Mr. Free," he says, " you goes and settles dat loss and I pays you. 
 Look out for depreecyashun." 
 
 " Is dat de dude wid de blinkers?" 
 
 He laughed. 
 
 4 'Mr. Free," he says, "what did dat suit o' han'-me-downs cost 
 you?" 
 
 "Nine plunkers at Roos's," I says. 
 
 " Wot are dey wort now ? " he asked. 
 
 "Maybe tree dollars," I said. 
 
 "Dat's depreecyashun" he says. Say, I caught on in a minit. 
 
 Well, I goes and settles wid de old woman. I tells her nottin' goes 
 on de pianny cos it didn't burn. She kicked a little, but not much. Den 
 I figgered de furniture. Say, I know every second-hand joint on Mission 
 street where she got it. De lot cost her a hundred and sixty-six. Den I 
 says : 
 
 " Dere's eighty-tree dollars off for depreecyashun" 
 
 "Fat de divil's dat, Mickey?" said she. 
 
 "Dat's de wear and tear," I says. 
 
 "Holy Saint Bridget, how much does I get?" says she. 
 
 " Eighty-tree dollars, net," says I. 
 
 " Is it net or nit, Mickey?" says she. 
 
 O, she was a funny old gal; she 'd joke on her deaf bed. 
 
 "Hurry, quick, Mickey," says she; run, ye divil, to de office and get 
 me de eighty-tree dollars before ye spring any more Frinch words on 
 me." 
 
 Dey coughed up de dough all right, den de foreman says : 
 
 "Mickey, yere a fine adjooster ; how much does we owe you?" 
 
 "Well," I says, "I makes two cases a day when I works at de 
 foundry. I works on dis half a day ; dat's one iron dollar." 
 
 Say, he gave me a big twenty, and now I cleans de office and maybe 
 I goes on de road next year in Alameda county. De old gal bought four 
 hundred dollars wort' of new furniture on de installment plan, and I says : 
 
 "Say, does we give you tree hundred insurance?" 
 
 " Naw" says she, "I insures for what I gits. You tell 'em to make 
 de paper for eighty-tree dollars, divil a cent more." 
 
 And so de old gal gets a policy for eighty-tree. 
 
 Say, if dere 's any more fires sout' o' Market, let me figger on de 
 props. Leave word at de Caffy Royal. I gits a steam beer dere ev'ry 
 noon. 
 
 E. NILES. 
 
236 THE KNAPSACK 1896 
 
 A CRIPPLE CREEK ADJUSTMENT. 
 
 IT WAS, perhaps, the most remarkable adjustment on record. I have 
 had a tolerable experience in that line, but never heard of a similar 
 case. It seems almost incredible, and might not be believed if it 
 were not for the fact that such well-known insurance men as Charlie 
 Wilson, Fred Buck and D. C. Packard of Denver, W. S. Mclntyre of 
 Colorado Springs, and John H. Kirtland of Pueblo, know the facts in the 
 case and will bear witness to the truth of this plain, unvarnished state- 
 ment. Verily, truth is more wonderful than romance! To think that 
 Cripple Creek, with its golden flow of increasing millions, took its start 
 from the burning of an adobe dwelling house, on which there was an 
 insurance of but five hundred dollars! It sounds like one of those 
 glittering tales from the Arabian Nights, and recalls the marvelous 
 adventures that occurred in the days of the good Haroun Al Raschid. 
 
 There are many San Francisco insurance men who knew James W. 
 Ferguson when he was special agent and adjuster for the old " Concordia " 
 (that wasn't it 's name, but those who know the writer will remember the 
 company well), and who know him now as one of the multi-millionaires 
 of Colorado. Cripple Creek and he both boomed after that adobe 
 dwelling burned. Pshaw ! when I think of the many millions that little 
 fire developed I have no patience with my humdrum life, and its petty 
 economies. 
 
 "Jim" Ferguson, as we called him, now divides his time between 
 Chicago and Denver. He is a large holder of choice inside property at 
 Denver, and in Chicago is best known by the magnificent Ferguson block 
 on Adams street, a seventeen story office building of marble and steel. 
 It was there that I met him last December when he told me the simple 
 story of his great good luck. He said : 
 
 "Five years ago I was at Denver as special agent for the 'Concordia' 
 of San Francisco. While there the company wired me to proceed to 
 Fremont and adjust a supposed total loss of $500 on an adobe dwelling 
 house owned by one Jose de La Guerra. The risk had been written by 
 Mclntyre and Hayden, our agents at Colorado Springs, from which 
 Fremont was distant eighteen miles as the crow flies, or about twenty- 
 eight miles by road. To be brief, I made the adjustment, found the 
 assured a gentleman, the loss straight, and everything satisfactory. 
 
 " While waiting for my team to be brought up to take me back to 
 the Springs, I carelessly looked through the debris of the burned adobe, 
 and on kicking one of the crumbling slabs with my foot was surprised to 
 see it filled with glittering particles. 'Pyrites of iron,' was my first 
 thought ; my next was ' gold ! ' I decided to take no chances, and before 
 
7 'HE KNAPSACK 1896 237 
 
 starting secured the assured's stipulation to the effect that he relinquished 
 all claim to the debris. I filled a salt sack with a sample of the adobe 
 and went straight to Denver. The assayer at the Grant Smelter was an 
 old friend and gave me a quick assay which showed that the dirt went 
 $93,000 to the ton in gold. I hastened back, sacked the entire lot and 
 shipped it to Denver. The net returns were something over $43,000, 
 some of the dirt being very rich and some poor, but the average was 
 good. 
 
 "I sent the proceeds to the company, which immediately declared a 
 five dollar dividend and the stock jumped from $87 to $105. The 
 secretary acknowledged receipt of my report of the salvage and its 
 accompanying draft, and referred to my action as being somewhat 
 irregular, but on the whole, acceptable. This I thought cold, so I 
 resigned. Then I hunted up De La Guerra, and bought for $500 a two- 
 thirds interest in ten acres which he owned at Fremont, on a part of which 
 the adobe bricks had been made, started in placer mining there, and in 
 six weeks we cleaned up $93,666, of which my share was exactly $62,444. 
 This rich ground, as everybody knows who has been at Cripple Creek, 
 as Fremont is now called, was immediately back of where the Palace 
 Hotel on Main street now stands. 
 
 "Then the town began to boom. I put down six shafts and struck 
 it rich in five of them. One of them proved barren, the ' Independence,' 
 and I sold it to Stratton, a poor devil of a carpenter who came over from 
 Colorado Springs, for $250, and told him to pay me if he ever struck it. 
 Two months after, he ' struck it ' all right, and to-day is the richest mine- 
 owner at Cripple. He takes out half a million a month from the 
 'Independence,' and has a standing offer of ten millions for it. Maybe 
 he isn't a good friend of mine! Well, that's all there is to it. Lucky, 
 wasn't I? Let's have a small bottle or two." 
 
 E. NILES. 
 
 A GOOD friend who loves to indulge in metaphor was speaking of 
 local agents. Said he: "You go to work and build a man up from the 
 ground, and along comes a big fish and swallows him, and you lose the 
 premium it has taken years to nurse to life." 
 
 Question in Application : ' ' Have you personally inspected the risk 
 inside and out?" 
 
 Agents' Answer: " From the outside only." 
 
 N. B. The subject of insurance was a stack of hay. 
 
238 THE KNAPSACK 1896 
 
 THE companies' fears for the future are like those of the honest 
 German who was overheard talking to his dog : 
 
 "Mein dog, dere is a great difference from me und you. You play 
 all day, but I haf to vork all de vile. You youst have fun. Veil, de 
 time vill gome already ven you haf to die, and den dot is de end of you. 
 But it is different mid me. I have to go to hell yet already." 
 
 FOUND IN A PALACE CAR. 
 
 One calm, consoling thought 
 
 Conies to me o'er and o'er, 
 When riding on the rail 
 
 Is something of a bore ; 
 When stages are upset, 
 
 And steamboats make rne ill, 
 This thought relieves my pain : 
 
 The office pays the bill. 
 
 When letters criticise, 
 
 And make me rather tired ; 
 When they become so wise, 
 
 Somebody should be fired ; 
 When agents fail to pay, 
 
 And give the "hard times fill," 
 I keep my even way ; 
 
 The office pays the bill. 
 
 That tranquilizing thought 
 
 Steals o 'er me night and day ; 
 I have no board to square, 
 
 I have no rent to pay ; 
 No creditors can come 
 
 My peace of mind to kill ; 
 Expenses are charged up : 
 
 The office pays the bill. 
 
 AT THE midsummer jinks last season one of the tents caught fire, 
 and the occupant lost a few articles of clothing. General Barnes, the 
 well known legal wit, stated that the insurance adjuster had compromised 
 the loss. He convinced the claimant that the trousers burned were per. 
 fectly good below the knee. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1896 239 
 
 A RESPECTED agent at Healdsburg writes: "We have received one 
 of those 'angel's visits, few and far between,' from your specialist." 
 
 Query (from the inside). How many special agents are either 
 "angels" or "specialists"; and if they were either one or the other 
 what would be the effect on the insurance business to-day? 
 
 OUR supply clerk is a Swede. He attended a revival meeting re- 
 cently. The clergyman asked him: "Peterson, are you willing to 
 work for the Lord ? ' ' 
 
 "Ae don't know," he answered. "Ae got a good yob now. Ae 
 tank ae keep dat." 
 
240 THE KNAPSACK 1897 
 
 EDITORIAL, 1897. GEO. F. GRANT. 
 
 EDITORIAL. 
 
 THE aim and object of the Knapsack is to promote harmony and 
 good will within the Association, and board or no board, com- 
 pact or no compact, it proposes to carry out its object, even if is 
 necessary to kill a member or two. There is good in everything, even 
 in a kicker, and there is sweetness and purity in everything (when 
 treated chemically), and if it becomes necessary for the Knapsack to 
 cremate a fire underwriter of the Pacific, please understand that it is not 
 for the fun of " burning him up," but for the purpose of purifying him. 
 
 It is claimed by some that the Knapsack is not run for profit falla- 
 cious sentiment. It has profited many a contributor, and this year brings 
 Charlie Hill prominently to the front in the Association with his admir- 
 able paper on "The Necessity of Revising the City Tariff." He wrote 
 the same article in a condensed form for last year's Knapsack, and it 
 was strangled at the printer's office by some crank and never saw ink. 
 That was a good thing (for Mr. Hill), and whoever did it gave the mem- 
 bers the pleasure of the more elaborate paper which deserved and re- 
 ceived so much favor yesterday. 
 
 THE following was posted on a little church at Palestine, a colony 
 near Fresno: 
 
 NOTICE. 
 
 There will be preaching in this church, Providence permitting, on 
 Sunday next, and there will also be preaching here, whether or no, on 
 the Sunday following, upon the subject: "He that believeth and is 
 baptized shall be saved, and he that believeth not shall be damned" at 
 precisely half past ten in the morning. 
 
 GIVE THE AGENT A CHANCE. 
 
 Our agent writes : I shall have a little over six hundred living risks 
 on the books and several hundred that have died in the late war. With 
 the aid of a tariff and a few compact rules I think I can raise the dead. 
 
T// KNAPSACK 1897 241 
 
 RULES OF THE GAME. 
 
 TTNSURANCE is a game. It can be played by two or more persons, 
 Ji and the rules differ according to location. 
 
 The first player is called the assured. 
 
 The prize is called a risk. 
 
 The stake is called the premium. 
 
 The second player is called the insurer. 
 
 The betwixt is called a solicitor. 
 
 The between is called an adjuster. 
 
 The teetotum is called journalism, and the same can be introduced 
 into the game at discretion. 
 
 The assured is the dealer and pays out chips, each player receiving 
 chips according to the rules ; but when the assured runs out of chips a 
 new deal can be demanded. If any assured refuses to pay out chips, 
 when in the game, he becomes "red slip," and another takes his place ; 
 the red slip cannot again enter without first paying a forfeit ; the game 
 terminates when the last assured declares himself out of chips. 
 
 The risk is an important factor in the game, but in certain localities 
 it is considered of less value than in others. A cautious player endeav- 
 ors to secure each risk singly, but if one is playing for high stakes the 
 object is to possess quickly as many risks as possible ; a cautious player, 
 if skillful, can often obtain a better result in the long run by single risks 
 with less danger to his chips ; if a player be both careless and unskillful, 
 there is danger that he may be absorbed by a winner, and thus lose his 
 place in the game. The risks should be in plain sight of the players at 
 all times. 
 
 Each player can select one or more betwixts, according to rules 
 agreed upon before the game commences. Each player stands behind 
 his own betwixt and pushes him forward into the game. When a be- 
 twixt secures a risk it is placed to the credit of the player who backs him, 
 and the assured shall pay over the equivalent in chips. 
 
 The risk is said to be good when the " between " can find no flaw in 
 it, but if a player accept a risk as good, which subsequently proves im- 
 perfect, then he shall pay chips to the assured. If it is a fair game no 
 player will know in advance the imperfect risk, but he shall have the 
 privilege of inspecting it before he decides to take it in. A skillful 
 player learns to know an imperfect risk on sight. If two players lay hold 
 of the same risk they shall be allowed to pull for it, and he who has the 
 greater pull secures it. 
 
 There can be many other rules, but it is a very pretty game as it 
 stands. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1897 
 
 I ENCLOSE you a contribution for the Knapsack, written by a personal 
 friend, who says the name "Palache" haunted him for five years, but 
 that now he had eased his mind, just as "Twain" did when he wrote 
 "The pink trip slip for a three cent fare," etc. : 
 
 AN INSURANCE IDYL. 
 
 I tell you a tale of the days of old, 
 A tale that has never yet been told, 
 
 How Whitney Palache 
 
 Killed an Apache. 
 
 Kicking-Horse-with-the-mane-of-blue 
 Had a Wampum belt and a wigwam too ; 
 
 So Whitney Palache 
 
 Approached the Apache. 
 
 ' ' Pale-faced stranger, let me inquire 
 What happens in case of a prairie fire ? ' ' 
 Said the Apache 
 To Whitney Palache. 
 
 1 ' Pieces of silver we give to you 
 For your Wampum belt and your wigwam too ; ' ' 
 So Whitney Palache 
 Insured the Apache. 
 
 Now it came to pass in a year and a day 
 That Whitney Palache was going that way ; 
 
 So Whitney Palache 
 
 Addressed the Apache. 
 
 " Kicking-Horse, this day am I come 
 To pick up the annual pre-mi-um ! ' ' 
 Then the Apache 
 Looked at Palache. 
 
 " Better run off for fear of your life, 
 This is my sharpest scalping knife ! ' ' 
 Growled the Apache 
 At Whitney Palache. 
 
 "An Injun man is best when dead." 
 This was all that Palache said. 
 Then Whitney Palache 
 Smote the Apache. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1897 243 
 
 FROM CHICAGO. 
 
 is an occasional "happenstance" in this sun-scorched and 
 11 blizzard-frozen section worthy even of being noted in the 
 Knapsack. We sustained a loss last week at a little town in 
 Arkansas. It now develops that the dwelling consumed was the prop- 
 erty of a negro. It appears that he is a cook and secured a position 
 in a neighboring town last fall, and while there conceived the wisdom of 
 having his house burn up, upon which he had sufficient insurance to pay 
 his mortgage and interest and leave him $90. He therefore wrote his 
 wife a letter as per enclosed copy. The letter was unclaimed at the post- 
 office, and as he had used an envelope of his employer with a return card 
 in the corner, the letter was "Returned to writer." This darkey having 
 meantime left his position, the letter was opened by his former employer, 
 and upon its contents being discovered was placed in the hands of a 
 prominent attorney in the town where the darkey lived, and thus 
 reached us. 
 
 This unworthy follower of our Lord returned to his home and carried 
 out his own instructions, and is now threatening suit to enforce recovery 
 under his policy. The enclosed is an exact copy of the original letter, 
 save the names : 
 
 OSCEOLA, Ark., 9-27, '96. 
 Miss RACHEL SNOWBALL, 
 
 Oskaloosa, Ark.: 
 
 My dear wife i received your kind letters today and i was glad to 
 knoe of your Being well but i am not well i Roat you 3 letters and you 
 say you have not goot but i letter from me i don't see why you didn't 
 get my Letters. Love i want you to burn up this Letter, i think you 
 had Better let the house get Burnt and then we will get some money out 
 of it i think that is the Best thing to do But you get the things all out 
 we can get $90 and we can Build a house for that money i think is the 
 Best thing to do it Rite now and you let me knoe you Be sure and Burn 
 it up now Love you Burn the house up Love and we will save the place 
 But if you dont we will louse it you be sure and do this Love i want to 
 see you Rite bad i dont knoe what to do give my love to all Love i am 
 sick Rite now But i am at work yet i dont no what with myself. Good 
 Bye i will close. 
 
 Yours in christ 
 
 GEO. SNOWBALL. 
 
*44 T HE KNAPSACK 1897 
 
 POOR JO. E. O'SHADY. 
 
 BY R. W. OSBOBN. 
 
 If sung to the tune of " Sweet Rosie O'Grady " it will go. 
 
 Not far away from where I do insurance as a trade, 
 There works another 'surance man at cutting rates I'm 'fraid ; 
 
 He has a knife that is so sharp 'twill cut him to the bone ; 
 Just wait until you hear him from his private office groan. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 Poor Jo. E. O'Shady, with his knife so sharp, 
 Sings his song of " cut rate " unaided by the harp ; 
 
 Grief will come to him who fails to clearly see 
 That Jo. E. O'Shady is naughty, naughty as Shady can be. 
 
 Repeat. 
 
 This same man he does not care how deep he'll cut the rate ; 
 
 His company stands back of him what 'ere may be his fate ; 
 So you can see that on the street a mighty man is he, 
 
 To name the figure to which all the underwriters flee. 
 
 Chorus and repeat. 
 
 O'Shady does not stop to think that companies have souls ; 
 
 He seems to feel the "situation " he alone controls ; 
 But he will find that " there 'r others " that do likewise have the nerve 
 
 To fight and cut the rates of all, and thus their companies serve. (?) 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 The next year came and rates went down still lower in the scale ; 
 
 The cutter felt his nerve give way, his face began to pale ; 
 Letters came to show dissatisfaction reigned at home ; 
 
 That Caesar was not loved the less, but more they loved their Rome. 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 Like Caesar poor O'Shady lost his head while in debate, 
 Maintaining his position with the president sedate ; 
 
 Alas ! the Board Directors found the profits were not there, 
 And passed a resolution making vacant 'Shady 's chair. 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 AGENT at Milpitas telegraphs: "Small loss on lumber. Needs 
 measuring. Piles non-concurrent. Send Kinne rule." 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1897 245 
 
 HE WAS a good fellow, a traveling special. He solicited the hotel 
 risk of the landlord where he put up for the night. Landlord replied, 
 "I am already insured." 
 
 4 ' What rate do you pay ? ' ' 
 
 "Ten per cent." 
 
 "Ten per cent. ! Why, man, you are being robbed. I am a special 
 agent, with power to appoint agents, write policies and collect premiums 
 for the best company in the country, the Centaur Company, sir, and I 
 tell you ten per cent, is highway robbery. Let me see your policies." 
 (Landlord brings policies and exhibits them, the Centaur policy appearing 
 on the list.) " What 's that," said the special, " the Centaur? That's my 
 company, rate ten per cent. Well, well, I must examine this building; 
 there must be something about it I don't understand." He examines 
 the building, and then says to the landlord : 
 
 "I am a special agent with full power to act, and I tell you, land- 
 lord, there is more wood in this building than in any building of its size 
 I ever saw. The rate is all right, sir ; ten per cent, is a fair rate, a very 
 fair rate considering the wood." 
 
 ROCK-A-BY Compact on the tree-top, 
 With adequate rules, you are built like a clock ; 
 
 When the rules break the Compact will fall, 
 And down will come profit, rates, friendship and all. 
 
 Hey diddle, diddle, come guess me this riddle, 
 Ye managers who hope to stay in. 
 When rates are so low loss ratios so high, 
 Where does the home office come in? 
 
 Sing a song of low rates, managers full of grit, 
 Seven and sixty companies, net profit Nit ! 
 When the annuals are opened home office '11 begin to sing, 
 1 Isn't this a pretty mess " "Let 's stop this sort of thing." 
 
 Presidents in the counting room looking for the gain, 
 Stockholders sat and glowered, swearing might and main ; 
 Manager, far away, was planning how to spread, 
 When down came a telegram and took off his head. 
 
 ONE question on the application of a saloon risk was answered thus 
 There is no steam in the building except what is in the beer," 
 
246 THE KNAPSACK 1897 
 
 A PIETY HILL ADJUSTMENT. 
 
 THE policy covered $ i, 600 in favor of Mary J. Riley, "on her two- 
 story frame dwelling house situate on the north side of Porphyry 
 avenue, between Quartz street and Bullion ravine, Piety Hill, 
 Nevada county, California." The building burned last summer and an 
 appraisement was entered into by Adjuster Anderson for the company 
 and James Trevathan for the assured. 
 
 Anderson is a well-fed, warm-faced man of cheerful address, bold, 
 shrewd and courteous. 
 
 Trevathan is a Cornish carpenter who sequesters himself, and makes 
 lump estimates by some long, mysterious process of wrestling with the 
 lower mathematics. He is inclined to be stubborn, but is open to 
 reason. Being of slow thought and speech, he is susceptible to the quick 
 action of a brighter mind. 
 
 The efforts of the appraisers to "come together" were somewhat 
 one-sided, as will be seen by the following : 
 
 "Trevathan," said Anderson, "why didn't you meet me here this 
 morning, so we could save time by making our figures together? I have 
 nineteen adjustments on hand ; appointments with five men and three 
 women, and we haven't done a blamed thing. Say, old man, what's the 
 matter?" 
 
 "I always figure alone," replied Trevathan, stolidly. 
 
 "Well," continued Anderson, " I see you make your total $1,650. 
 Do you know, I thought the building was over-insured. I'll take your 
 figures on the lumber, but there's one thing I must say before we go on 
 with this. I want to do just what is right and give Mrs. Riley every dol- 
 lar she lost. I have a conscience in these things, and you know, Trev- 
 athan, we've sworn to be just to the best of our knowledge and belief, 
 and I tell you frankly, that if I find your figures are too low on any item, 
 ril raise ''em. I make no secret of this. I shall do it, and the company 
 will have to stand it. Ain't I right, eh? " 
 
 There was an air of frank good fellowship about this statement that 
 had its effect, and the carpenter at once assented to the justice of the 
 proposed line of action. 
 
 "And what's the damage for nails? " airily continued Anderson. 
 
 "Eighteen dollars." 
 
 "You can't build that house with eighteen dollars' worth of nails. 
 It wouldn't hold together. We musn't rob the poor woman. I'm going 
 to raise that to twenty-five dollars. Isn't that right ? ' ' 
 
 Trevathan thought it was. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1897 
 
 "Now, that's the way to do business," said Anderson. "I believe 
 in being fair and liberal. In fact, I never adjust in any other way. 
 Maybe we won't need the third man. What next? " 
 
 "Carpenter work, three hundred dollars." 
 
 "What! " 
 
 "I make labor three hundred," said Trevathan. 
 
 " But why do you ? My estimate is a hundred and fifty." 
 
 No answer. 
 
 "How do you make it, Trevathan?" 
 
 "I wouldn't do it for less," was the reply. 
 
 "Well, let's hold that for the third man; but before we pass to the 
 next item I want to tell you a good one on an acquaintance of mine at 
 Anaconda. He was going to get married, and one of his friends started 
 a subscription to get him a wedding present. Among those he solicited 
 was an employe at the smelter, who gave five dollars, and asked 
 what the gift would be. ' We thought of getting him something useful 
 as well as ornamental,' was the reply, 'and have about decided to give 
 him a silver-plated chandelier.' ' Don't you do it,' said the fellow ear- 
 nestly, ' there isn't a man in town can play on it.' Now, how many doors 
 and windows have you? " 
 
 "Six doors and eighteen windows. Eight dollars a door and six- 
 fifty a window." 
 
 "Um-m that's steep. I can get the doors in San Francisco for five 
 and the windows for four, but, of course, labor 's high here. It always 
 is in mining towns. How much did you allow for the work on the doors 
 and windows? " 
 
 " Two-fifty a door and two dollars a window." 
 
 "You're high, but we won't fight over it. I'll accept those figures. 
 Now, let's go back to the carpenter work. Does your item of three hun- 
 dred dollars include all of the labor?" 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 ' ' How about the work on the doors and windows ? ' ' 
 
 "Why, er-r-r, no, it doesn't include that." 
 
 "My dear boy, don't you see you've charged twice for labor? Now, 
 while I know the work on the house ought to be done for a hundred and 
 fifty, I'll yield a point there and be liberal with you. I'll say two hun- 
 dred. Is that right ?" 
 
 "Well, yes," said Trevathan. 
 
 "Say, did you ever hear this?" said Anderson. "Referring to a 
 suspicious fire, an honest citizen of hazy ideas was asked : ' What shall 
 we do with the fire-bug if we catch him? ' ' Why,' he replied, ' the least 
 
248 THE KNAPSACK 1897 
 
 he can do is to marry the girl ! ' That's a good one, isn't it? Now, how 
 much for painting?" 
 
 "Hundred and fifty." 
 
 " Too much. Here's an estimate of ninety-three dollars from Avery, 
 Vandyke & D'Auber, the best painters in town. What do you say? " 
 
 "They can't do it for that." 
 
 "But they will" 
 
 "Then let it go at their figures," said Trevathan. 
 
 "I see," said Anderson, "that you've left out an important item, 
 and I'm going to put it in, for right 's right. I may lose my job, but I 
 don't care. That's the gutter on the roof say ten dollars. Am I right, 
 eh?" 
 
 "That's so ; I forgot that," said Trevathan. 
 
 " Next comes the porch ; what's your figure on that?" 
 
 "Eighty dollars." 
 
 " By the gods, old man, I can 1 1 stand it ; I can't stand it! " said An- 
 derson, rising from his chair and pacing the floor. "My estimate is 
 forty. How do you make it eighty ? ' ' 
 
 " I would n't build it for less than that." 
 
 ' ' But how do you figure it ? ' ' 
 
 There was no reply. 
 
 Anderson looked reproachfully at the carpenter and said in a deep, 
 mellow voice: "I will concede at the start, Mr. Trevathan, for I know 
 you are a builder of large experience, that we must allow something for 
 the porch, but we must not overlook the fact that most of it is standing, 
 and while I do not claim that it is as good as it was before the fire, still 
 it has a certain value as a porch, and just what this is, we are now to de- 
 termine. At a later period we will consider its value as a part of the 
 daybree. Now, come off the porch, old man ; shall we say forty? " 
 
 "No." 
 
 " I won't go so far as to insist that the porch shall be left standing 
 and the house built against it, although that could be done. Well, say 
 forty-five." 
 
 "No," said the Cornishman. 
 
 "I won't stand more than fifty," said Anderson, "if we pass it to 
 the third man; but I tell you candidly, Trevathan, I don't believe in 
 making any more expense for the assured than is absolutely necessary. 
 She has lost enough as it is. Shall we make it fifty? " 
 
 "Well, call it fifty," said the carpenter. 
 
 " Now, how much for the chimneys?" 
 
 "There's fifty feet," said Trevathan, " at a dollar a foot ; that's fifty 
 dollars." 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1897 2 49 
 
 "Too high, my boy, too high. It used to be a dollar a foot, but its 
 six bits now. But let it go. How old was the building? " 
 
 "Nine years." 
 
 "What's the depreciation? " asked Anderson. (And here it may be 
 remarked that everything depends on the style in which it is done. It is 
 said that a certain great actor could repeat the word "Mesopotamia" 
 with such exquisite modulation that his hearers would be moved to 
 laughter or melted to tears. The elder Booth's rendition of the Lord's 
 Prayer was most pathetic ; and Anderson has the same gift of expression. 
 His measured pronunciation of that simple word "depreciation," and 
 his eloquent exposition of its true meaning, have often brought deep sad- 
 ness to many sensitive claimants.) 
 
 "Depreciation," said Trevathan, " was there any? " 
 
 "Certainly," replied Anderson, "the difference between old and 
 new, you know." 
 
 "Oh," said the carpenter, "I don't think there's much ; not more 
 than five per cent., anyway." 
 
 " You 're 'way off on that ; you mean twenty-five, don't you? " 
 
 "No, five," repeated Trevathan, firmly. 
 
 "Mr. Trevathan," said Anderson, with dignity and decision, "I 
 never will consent to anything less than fifteen, and when I make it as 
 low as that I'm taking desperate chances of losing my position. The ap- 
 praisement may go in at five, signed by you and the third man, but it 
 never will have my signature on any basis less than fifteen per cent. 
 Never! so help me God, never! There's no man more conscientious 
 than I am, and you must remember that we have taken a solemn oath to 
 do our duty in this case, and if my experience is worth anything (and I 
 believe I know my business), fifteen per cent, is less than the damage to 
 the house by the action of the elements, its occupancy by a family, 
 and its consequent partial disintegration as a frame structure. Ain't I 
 right?" 
 
 "Well, call it fifteen," said Trevathan. 
 
 " And now," said Anderson, "we have but one item left, and on that 
 I'm sure we will think alike. What have you allowed for daybree ? " 
 
 "For what?" 
 
 "For daybree." 
 
 "Mr. Anderson," said Trevathan, cautiously, "what's your opin- 
 ion?" (Anderson, by the way, speaks French like a native, and gives 
 the true Parisian twist to all words borrowed from that language.) 
 
 ' ' My estimate of the value of the daybree in this case is two hundred 
 dollars." 
 
250 THE KNAPSACK i8 97 
 
 Trevathan was puzzled. He evidently didn't know what was meant 
 by that strange word, but would not confess his ignorance. After a long 
 pause, he shook his head gravely and said : "I'll leave that to the 
 third man." 
 
 "Before we do that," said Anderson, "let me give you my views. 
 The daybree, comprising the framework of the dwelling left standing, the 
 porch and the chimneys, amounts to fully two hundred dollars." 
 
 "Why," said Trevathan, pulling himself together, "the chimneys 
 are no good; the bricks are damaged by the fire." 
 
 "If they could be hurt by fire," said Anderson, "why do they use 
 fire when they burn a kiln of bricks ? Those chimneys are better than 
 before the fire. The bricks are glazed and the mortar is hardened. If I 
 owned that property, I would build my house against the chimneys ; 
 they never ought to come down." 
 
 " I'll say twenty-five dollars," said Trevathan. 
 
 "No, sir, that wouldn't be fair to the company. I'm willing to give 
 and take, and I ask you, Mr. Trevathan, to do me the personal favor, 
 when this appraisement is closed, to tell Mrs. Riley as a matter of justice 
 to me, that I acted fairly and without prejudice, and I believe you can 
 honestly say that. Now, I'm going to name a figure on the daybree that 
 will surprise you. I will say, in order to close the matter, and this is my 
 lowest figure, seventy-five dollars there ! " 
 
 "Well, call it seventy-five," said Trevathan, with an air of fatigue. 
 
 "And now, Trevathan, I will make the footing. The total is 
 $1,121.93, and I consider that a good, fair, liberal adjustment, for the 
 building was over-insured and prices are lower now. Put your name 
 right there, and we will all take a drink ; but before doing that, I will 
 take this occasion to say that I have made hundreds of adjustments on 
 building^ all over the coast, from Victoria to San Diego, and have figured 
 with the best architects, builders and carpenters, and, without flattery, I 
 can sincerely say, Trevathan, I never met your equal ! " 
 
 As we passed out, Trevathan remarked : "Mr. Anderson, you said 
 you might lose your position, but let me tell you one thing you never 
 will." 
 
 Anderson laughed and replied, "The trouble with me is that I 'm too 
 tender-hearted. I sympathize with the assured and it wears on me. 
 When I went into this business a few years ago, my locks were as black 
 as a raven's wing, and now look at them." He raised his hat and showed 
 a fluffy head of hair as fine as silk and as white as snow. 
 
 EDWARD NILES. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1897 251 
 
 THE claim was on a two-story brick building ; this building adjoined 
 a one-story building, and the latter was totally consumed. When the 
 two-story building was put up, the bricks could not be dressed on the 
 outside until the wall reached a height above the one-story building. 
 Claim was made for an entire wall, and to this day the owner (an estimable 
 lady) believes that the heat from the fire melted the mortar which ran out 
 ro m between the bricks of her building. One adjuster, two builders and 
 fhree friends of the family failed to convince her to the contrary. 
 
 REVERIES. 
 
 BY MAX BERTHEATT. 
 
 Melody: "The Sidewalks of New York." 
 
 Merrily together sits a jolly crowd, 
 
 Chatting, drinking, smoking ; even praising loud, 
 
 How in spite of hard times and that merry war, 
 
 They are getting premiums but don't ask how big they are. 
 
 Eastern, home and foreign companies, 
 
 They all are cutting down the rates as well as salaries. 
 
 Five-cent lunches are now for the boys a treat, 
 
 While the managers find a place for fifteen cents to eat. 
 
 All of us are weary, though some won't admit 
 
 That its surely 'bout the time when fighting should be quit. 
 
 Some we hear still boasting of last year's result, 
 
 Showing in their statement what amount of biz they held, 
 
 And with all that say they always showed 
 
 The best intentions for a Union but there is a road 
 
 Leading from this world, far away from here, 
 
 Paved with good intentions. Let us hope they won't go there. 
 
 (With Apologies.} 
 
 California's record in the days of old 
 
 Showed the yearly premiums to be seven millions gold ; 
 
 But the last year's statement up to the thirty-first, 
 
 It showed not quite four millions for the P. I. U had burst. 
 
 Cut rates don't bring premiums, don't you see, 
 
 It is the same thing with the babes, they don't grow on a tree. 
 
 Some such new ideas, Oh ! let them be blessed ! 
 
 As in either case the " Good old way is still the best ! " 
 
252 THE KNAPSACK 1897 
 
 "A DREAM." 
 My Dear Knapsack : 
 
 T DREAMED I was standing near the corner of California and Sansome 
 11 streets talking with George Grant, when I saw the ' ' Giant of my child- 
 hood," 20 feet high, 10 feet across the shoulders and one eye in the 
 center of his forehead, marching along Montgomery, Pine, Sansome and 
 California streets swinging his lo-foot club, and knocking insurance men 
 right and left ; he spared none, from the office boy to the President ; all 
 were meat that came under his club ; he swept the streets, the air was 
 full of hair, the sidewalks were ankle-deep with brains. 
 
 As he passed us I saw following him a "mob," "a howling mob," 
 crying out " Give it to them! " " Don't spare them ! " ''That is a good 
 one" as a blow from his club sent a leading manager's hair into the 
 air, and his brains over a half acre or so of sidewalk. "Go it, one eye ! " 
 "Bully for Cyclops!" " Bust a compact again, will you?" and as this 
 mob passed us (this was a dream, you know) I said, "George, this is 
 dreadful." He said, "Yes." I said "Do you see that mob stuboying 
 that fellow on ?" He said " Yes." 
 
 I saw, in the front ranks of that mob, numerous agents whose princi- 
 pal growl, when I was on the road, was the tyranny of the P. I. U. 
 They could tell how they could hold their business if there was no com- 
 pact, how J. Jones Knowitall, whose barn was as good as a dwelling, 
 would insure said barn, if he could get a fair rate ; and a lot of such rot 
 you have all heard it. 
 
 I saw in the next rank the "special" who never took the off side, 
 and was always ready to side in with the growling agent, and found it 
 easier to allow five per cent, or so in postage to get a good business in a 
 big agency, than to build up a fifteen per cent, straight. 
 
 I saw the manager whose jealous rivals credited his success in getting 
 the best business in an agency to his loyalty to rates and independence of 
 P. I. U. rules. 
 
 I saw a strange crowd bringing up the rear. They were armed with 
 what appeared to be spears, with which they would jab at the hair in the 
 air, and the brains on the sidewalk. Upon closer view, these spears 
 were pens, marked Coast Review, Pacific Underwriter, Adjuster, Sun, 
 Monitor, Standard, and others; a cloud of them too numerous to 
 mention. 
 
 I pointed the insurance men out to George, and asked him why these 
 old ' ' manifest bad faithers ' ' were so prominent and so noisy in that 
 gang, and he said that it was because they were crooked ; crooked people 
 can't live in a fair fight, and are the first to squeal. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1897 253 
 
 "Well," I said, "how about those insurance quill drivers, East and 
 West; why are they so vicious, ours was not the first broken compact?" 
 He said, "No, it was not; but you know that when good people fall 
 from grace what a howl society makes about it, while a common, every- 
 day sinner can go right along in his evil ways without creating a ripple. 
 We on the Coast had the best and the only unanimous compact organiza- 
 tion that I ever heard of ; other places have boards and unions, but inva- 
 riably have a big non-board, or non-union element, while we had no 
 non-boarders. We kept up this compact for a dozen years or more and 
 made money, and because it broke down, was worn out, maybe, we are 
 howled at worse than if we were pirates, and while we are bad enough, 
 we do not deserve the kicks we get from people who live in glass houses, 
 and who should, instead of making matters worse, lend a helping hand to 
 reinstate the compact." 
 
 I said "Yes; but, George! how do you account for the work going 
 right along! insurance men moving around on the streets! all, from 
 managers to office boys, at their regular work, and still their blood and 
 brains are ankle-deep on the side walks?" 
 
 "Oh," he said, "that is all right, Bill the business is running with- 
 out brains nowadays." 
 
 I then woke up. 
 
 SLANG. 
 
 "Are you with me?" as the match said to the kerosene oil can. 
 " Holy smoke ! " as the zephyr said when the church was burning. 
 "You are not in it," as the policy said to the acetylene gas permit. 
 " Drop on yourself," as the solicitor said to the detached rate. 
 "Go off and die," as the annual statement said to the closing year. 
 
 TO THE PURE, ALL THINGS ARE PURE. 
 
 When asked if the stores were not used for a common purpose, he 
 was quite indignant. "No, indeed," he replied, "the tenant is a most 
 estimable man and keeps the best crockery and dry goods for miles 
 around ; he has caused arches to be cut between the rooms, and 
 personally superintends his business." 
 
 AFTER the last earthquake a building was renewed at the high rate 
 of six per cent, because it had a " shake roof." 
 
254 THE KNAPSACK 1897 
 
 KILLING NO MURDER. 
 
 IN THREE ROUNDS AND A WIND-UP. 
 
 Round i. 
 
 HE heart of Waldorf Quigley swelled beneath his vest as he rode away 
 from the broad acres of JabezL. Hay ward, situate ten miles due north 
 of the bustling town of La Grande, in the Grand Ronde Valley, 
 Oregon. 
 
 And Quigley deserved success. 
 
 At the early age of sixteen he decided to play a lone hand, and he 
 played it boldly. He worked his way through the Gervais, Oregon, 
 University, graduated with honor, and immediately went with the 
 Farmers' Mutual of Medford as special agent. With that company he 
 did so well that he was offered a similar position with the Eagle of 
 Hartford, and at the time our story opens he had just secured a promise 
 of a desirable five years' ranch risk of the aforesaid Hayward (premium 
 $525.75), the policy to be written and delivered within two weeks. 
 
 And Quigley was happy. 
 
 One word about our hero. He had industry, confidence, ability, a 
 clear mind in a sound body and had Heaven's best gift good nature. 
 In addition, he had fine magnetism and readily made friends with all 
 kinds of people, with no discrimination against sex. 
 
 Round 2. 
 (Ten Days Later.) 
 
 "Good morning, Mr. Hayward," said Pat Hexton, in a loud, 
 ringing voice, as he alighted in front of Hayward's barn; "there is my 
 card, sir. I am special agent for the Eagle Insurance Company of 
 Hoboken, and have called to insure you. What are my chances?" 
 
 "First class," replied Hayward; "your man Quigley was here, and 
 I promised to give my insurance to the Eagle but why didn't Quigley 
 come again as he promised?" 
 
 "Poor Quigley," said Hexton (as he caught on like a flash) drawing 
 his handkerchief and pressing it to his eyes ; "poor fellow." 
 
 " W-why, what 's the matter? " asked Hayward. " Is he sick ? ' ' 
 
 "Worse than that ; he's dead." 
 
 "You don't say so. That's too bad. Kind o' sudden, wa'n't it?" 
 
 "Very; the dear boy worked too hard; nervous prostration and 
 heart failure. What a funeral we gave him ! I found a memorandum 
 about your insurance among his papers. The widow gets the commission 
 on your premium, every cent of it. Shall I write it up ? " 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1897 255 
 
 "Certainly; I'll give you two hundred down and a note for the 
 balance. It's a doggoned shame that Quigley had to die. I liked that 
 young fellow." 
 
 Hexton drew a blank policy, filled it up, attached a non-cancellation 
 clause, accepted the money and a note, and drove away. 
 
 Round j. 
 (Four Days Afterward.) 
 
 "Are you there, Mr. Hayward?" shouted Quigley at the barn door. 
 Down from the hay loft came the honest farmer and started back in 
 horror as he met the smiling gaze of the confident young special. 
 
 ' ' W-who is it not Quigley ? ' ' 
 
 "Yes, sir; here I am, right on time; and here's the policy." 
 
 " Why, ain't you dead? Your man Hexton said you was." 
 
 " Do I look like a dead man? " asked the astounded Quigley. 
 
 "N-no,"said Hayward; "but I'm doggoned if I understand it." 
 Then he explained and showed his policy in the Eagle of Hoboken. 
 
 "My company is the Eagle of Hartford," said Quigley. 
 
 " Sure enough," said Hayward ; " what '11 we do? " 
 
 There was nothing could be done, and with a sad heart Waldorf 
 Quigley departed. 
 
 Kind hearer, or gentle reader, as the case may be, this story has one 
 merit it is true. 
 
 THE WIND-UP. 
 
 In this, as in a scrapping match, with a fair referee, the better man 
 finally wins. 
 
 Pat Hexton, the quick-witted and unscrupulous, now sells sewing 
 machines, cash registers and Dickenderfer type-writers, and his life is 
 filled with care. 
 
 Waldorf Quigley is the coast manager for the Dublin, Glasgow & 
 Sheffield Assurance Corporation, and draws his salary every month. 
 
 There is a good moral in this true tale. If any one needs it he is at 
 liberty to take it. 
 
 ONE of our men complained about the office horse. Said he, "The 
 beast will not go and he won't stand still; you can't drive him straight, 
 and he won't turn a corner." 
 
 " Has he ever attempted to roll ? " I asked. 
 
 " Not yet; but if I tell him not to, he will do it on the spot." 
 
 "Cancel and re-issue," I replied. 
 
256 THE KNAPSACK 1897 
 
 I ONCE received a report on a small town ; with one exception a 
 most flattering report. There was one steam fire engine of modern 
 make ; one hose wagon ; one thousand feet of hose ; a paid chief ; twenty- 
 five volunteer members of the company, and steam always maintained in 
 the boiler. But there were no iron mains, no hydrants, no cisterns, and 
 no water, except for domestic use. Investigation folio wed. It transpired 
 that the merchants of the town, in order to earn a reduction in rates, had 
 subscribed and purchased the material of the fire department, and 
 although water had not yet been introduced, the department was the 
 principal feature of the Fourth of July parade. Rates reduced ? Oh yes, 
 the rates had been reduced. 
 
 AN INTELLIGENT insurance agent disputed a bill for mason work, 
 taking the law of the case from his rate-book. 
 
 The mechanic had first put in a stovepipe, but later replaced it with 
 a chimney. 
 
 The rule reads, " When a charge has been made for a stovepipe, the 
 charge for an artificial, stone, cement or earthenware chimney need not 
 be added." At last report the bill had not been collected. 
 
 I ASKED my scholarly friend what he thought of the grammatical 
 construction of the many circulars issued from a certain Compact office. 
 
 "Well," he replied, "at present the author could only be convicted 
 of assault and battery, but last year he could easily have been found 
 guilty of murder." 
 
 OUR new special wires from Los Angeles : " Loss on stock of books 
 and stationery. Send immediately a copy of Lowden's 'Adjustment of 
 Book Losses'." 
 
 METAPHOR : (Assorted.) 
 
 "If we are not careful," said the eloquent speaker, "we will find 
 ourselves in a quagmire where we will drift to destruction." 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1898 257 
 
 EDITORIAL, 1898. GEO. F. GRANT. 
 
 EF you are that kind of a man, you can make it a safe rule in business 
 never to be satisfied with a small amount of worry. Do your 
 worrying on a large scale ; by wholesale as it were. A man who 
 only worries a little is doing practically no worrying at all, and the 
 satisfaction of a long, sleepless night is denied him. Neither does he 
 know the sensation of a moist palm, or a cold mouth, void of saliva. 
 To be a good first-class worrier requires long practice and constant 
 effort. No trifle is too small for attention, and if you can learn to worry 
 on two separate subjects at once, particularly if there are subdivisions in 
 the subjects, you have climbed pretty near to the top of the ladder, and 
 there is room at the top for the ambitious climber. It does not always 
 follow that a person with a large capacity for worry knows what to worry 
 about. Such a person is to be commiserated, and the few hints here 
 given may perhaps save such a one from the evil effect of contentment 
 and help to bring his mind to bear on the subject until the state of 
 acute unrest, so dear to the heart of a true worry student, is really his 
 own. 
 
 If your superior officer speaks approvingly of your work, worry ! He 
 may have a hidden meaning which you cannot fathom ; a long, wakeful 
 night is excellent discipline at such a time. If you receive an official 
 communication couched in excellent English and reading like a book, 
 worry ! It may be a bad sign and there may be something "between the 
 lines " ; you had better give two days to this case. If by the 2ist of the 
 month no fires have been reported, worry! It is an evil omen and may 
 portend great disaster; as each day goes by worry more and more. 
 When a good fat loss occurs, beware ! Be on your guard ! The excite- 
 ment of the adjustment will take your attention for awhile, and you may 
 not remember to worry. When traveling on business, if the train meets 
 with an accident after you have left it worry over what might have 
 been! Not that you might have lost your life; that is nothing; but 
 because of the annoyance which might have happened the office. 
 
 Is it some time since you have had the services of a physician ; let 
 that fact furnish food for your ambition. It means something! Possibly 
 something dreadful ! Worry ! ! 
 
2 58 THE KNAPSACK 1898 
 
 Do not, however, be so foolish as to worry at the request of another. 
 Some jocular people are always to be found who will put up a hypothetical 
 case in the expectation that you will swallow the bait. Beware of them ; 
 they are expert at their alleged fun and with the true instinct of an angler 
 never weary of casting their bait. Such people have no worries of their 
 own ; some trick of fortune has made them rich in wealth and power. 
 Do not associate with them. Misery loves miserable company. Never 
 forget that, and some day when your work is done, after your eyes and 
 ears are closed forever, men will sing your praises and deliver laudatory 
 speeches in recounting your virtues, but you are past worrying then, and 
 it cannot hurt you. Worry while you can, my hearers, and leave the 
 rest to fate. 
 
 HOW HAPPJ! 
 
 A special of "Web-Foot" named Fabj 
 Is wise as a veteran rabbj ; 
 
 'Neath a watery sky, 
 
 In garments quite dry, 
 At each well-sprinkled risk doth Grabj. 
 Grab-He Sabj ? 
 
 HE CALLED on his friend, the manager, the other day just a friendly 
 call to be sociable and he said, " You must have a lot of calls from 
 careless people who take up your time and never do the business any 
 good." "Yes, I do," said the manager; "it is an awful bore, but my 
 chief clerk has a good remedy ; he sizes a man up and when he thinks 
 he ought to go he tells me I am wanted at the telephone." Just then the 
 chief clerk came in and said, "You are wanted at the telephone, sir." 
 
 "PLEASE order kindlings and coal to-day sure," said Mrs. President; 
 "don't forget it, love." " Certainly, my precious, I will order it at once." 
 He did not reach home until quite late and he had forgotten the wood 
 and coal. Business at the office and a lodge meeting had driven the 
 order quite out of his mind. Next morning Mrs. President was repentant 
 of the hasty words she had spoken the night before. "Really, dear," 
 said she, "I could not know that you would have taken it so to heart and 
 be restless and uneasy in your sleep. You turned and tossed and talked 
 about it all night." " What did I say ?" "You said, 'Give me twenty 
 dollars worth of chips ! ' over and over again." 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1898 259 
 
 A LOST SHEEP. 
 
 WE were gathered at Helena one cold winter night ; the snow and 
 wind outside only gave an additional sense of comfort to those 
 within the bright, warm, social room of the hotel. 
 
 "Do you remember Hosey Mo ward?" said the speaker. "He 
 traveled as a solicitor for the ' Eneole ' company, and was for years a 
 prominent factor out our way. His specialty was farm business and he 
 dressed and acted like a granger; the hand of the elements was laid 
 heavily over his outer garments, and the map of the West India Islands, 
 in coffee and tobacco, was done on his shirt front. Of course you 
 remember him; that is. all of you but little Rembrant, over there; he is 
 too fresh at the business to remember anything." At this Rembrant 
 sniffed. "Well, I saw Hosey only last week and if it was not for his 
 everlasting pluck and unnatural energy you would have said he wouldn't 
 fetch the price of old junk. He was worse dressed than ever, but he had 
 silver in his pocket, and he was good natured as a friendly squirrel, 
 * Hello ! ' I cried. ' What on earth brings you here at this time of year 
 farm business?' " 
 
 "Oh, no! No more insurance for me, I am done with it for good 
 and all,' he said. 'What with the drop in commissions and the 
 wretched collection rule there is no show for an honest solicitor any 
 more. No, sir, no insurance for me ! I have a better thing. I own a 
 patent, sir, a patent on an article of my own invention. I own the right 
 to manufacture in the whole United States, and I shall sell territorial 
 rights, and you hear me, I am good as a millionaire already.' " 
 
 "Of course I congratulated him. ' But tell me,' I said, ' what is this 
 valuable invention?' >: 
 
 "'Well,' he said, 'it is the most taking thing on earth; just adapted 
 to suburban and remote residences ; in short, it is a movable combination 
 dining table and bath tub.' " 
 
 " I was so shocked that I could only stare at him vacantly. 
 
 "'Yes, sir,' he went on glibly, 'portable dining table and bath tub 
 all in one ; inexpensive, easily adjusted, never gets out of order, and a 
 child can work it. You eat your dinner, remove the dishes, take away 
 the cloth, pull aside one leg and out comes the tub ; you jump in, take 
 your bath, go to bed and sleep like an angel ; in the morning you set the 
 table for breakfast, and there you are.' " 
 
 " 'But, wait a minute,' I gasped ; ' dear me, how about the water in 
 the tub?'" 
 
 "'Serves a double purpose,' said Hosey. 'When you get ready 
 you run it up to the back door and water the garden.' " 
 
260 THE KNAPSACK 
 
 " 'But, land sakes, man,' I said, 'do people eat and bathe in such 
 near proximity ? ' ' 
 
 " ' Do they ? Watch 'em ! ' he said. 
 
 " I simply looked at Hosey in silence. Finally, he broke the stillness. 
 
 " 'Tell you what I will do, old man, just for old association sake. I 
 will sell you the right for all of Utah. The insurance business has gone 
 to the bottomless pit. Now, I will let you in on the ground floor of my 
 combination. There 's a fortune in it, sure.' " 
 
 "Well, boys, I nearly fell dead, and I never made him a reply." 
 
 The little party seated around the fire at the hotel in Helena looked 
 at each other. Little Rembrant broke the silence. "What a fool he 
 must be to think he can sell bath tubs in winter," he said. 
 
 There was noise enough after that remark. 
 
 MOTHER AND CHILD. 
 
 What is that, mother? 
 
 The agent, my child 
 
 The morn has but just looked out and smiled, 
 When he starts from his humble place of rest, 
 And prospects for risks, bad, better and best; 
 Hard is his toil and slender his pay, 
 While he tries to follow the compact way. 
 
 Ever, my child, like him pay your debts, 
 For now he remits the money he gets. 
 
 What is that, mother? 
 
 The special, my son 
 A man who is full of spirit and fun. 
 His air is bold, his action brisk, 
 Keen is his scent for any old risk ; 
 And whether young or getting old, 
 He can do more than he is told. 
 
 Ever, my son, be thou his size, 
 
 Faithful, earnest, patient and wise. 
 
 (Toothpick shoes and sporty ties.) 
 
 What is that, mother? 
 
 The manager, boy 
 Proudly careering his course of joy ; 
 Firm in his native vigor relying, 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1898 261 
 
 Breasting the non-boards, cut rates defying; 
 He swerves not a hair, with a course so clear 
 That agents look on him with wonder and fear. 
 Boy, may the manager's flight be thine. 
 Onward and upward, true to the line. 
 (Across to Canada, over the line.) 
 
 WHITHER ARE WE DRIFTING? 
 
 DICKENS tells of a dinner party, at which the baby of the 
 family, a child in arms, was handed around for inspection. "See 
 him smile," said the fond mother. "The angels are whispering 
 to him." The wooden-faced butler behind her chair felt an uncontrol- 
 lable desire to say "wind," and throw up his job. The good or bad in 
 anything is often determined from the point of view. The following 
 copy of a daily report is the cause of these reflections. The wording of 
 the report reads : 
 
 "Prof. F. P. Hazal. 
 
 $500. On his gas balloon, known as the ' Pride of the Sky,' while 
 in actual service in the counties of Marion and Polk, State 
 of Oregon ; and 
 
 $250. On basket and trapeze suspended from said balloon. 
 " Permission granted to make pyrotechnic displays, without prejudice 
 to this insurance. 
 
 " Loss, if any, payable to the Portland Gas Company, as their 
 interest may appear as holders of the first mortgage, and balance, if any, 
 to the Portland Awning and Tent Company. 
 
 "This slip attached to and made a part of Policy No. 2,854,561 of the 
 Fire Insurance Company, issued to Prof. F. P. Hazal, December 3oth, 
 1897. Three months, $750; rate 6 percent." 
 
 When I first saw the report I did not like the risk. It was a new 
 subject to me, and I am old-fashioned and like to tread the beaten path. 
 I had no occasion to cancel by wire, as I knew by the morning paper it 
 was raining in Oregon. If I wrote a letter, I might say it was a risk 
 which would not pass the board office, but here my eye rested on the 
 stamp of the secretary of the executive committee, and I read these 
 words: "Board of Underwriters of the Pacific, relief granted Jan. 3d, 
 1898." Here was a chance that the risk had some possible merit, for 
 the secretary of the board never grants relief if he can avoid it. I looked 
 the report over carefully. "While in actual service," it said- Actual 
 
262 THE KNAPSACK 1898 
 
 service? Actual service? thought I. What in the world is actual service? 
 If it were a dumb brute in the spring time I would know well enough. 
 Actual service must mean during the time it serves Prof. Hazal to ascend 
 and come down. I have a great mind to ask Tom Van Ness for an 
 opinion. Still, I dislike to admit my lack of confidence in my own 
 knowledge of words. "Actual service in the counties of Marion and 
 Polk!" Suppose there is a high wind and the balloon drifts over the 
 county line ? How is anyone to know a county line half a mile from the 
 ground ? If this balloon is destroyed by fire, Prof. Hazal will never be 
 able to prove anything. If his body falls outside the county of Marion 
 or Polk, there is no claim ; and as Prof. Hazal values his life quite as 
 much as the company values money, why, there is absolutely no moral 
 hazard, and the physical hazard is restricted to a few days in the month, 
 and the rate is 6 per cent. I think possibly I may accept this risk as 
 gilt-edged at this rate of meditation, for really the more I think of it the 
 better it seems. "Permission granted to make pyrotechnic displays." 
 Suppose a rocket strikes the balloon, it means a total loss ; or a Roman 
 candle, or a pin-wheel, or a double-headed Dutchman, why there is not 
 rate enough to be named for such a fool risk. But stay! Reflect a 
 moment! The pyrotechnic display is more on the dead wall posters 
 than a reality. I have seen the balloon ascensions at the park, and the 
 fireworks are by day and only make smoke ; and then, again, what is 
 Prof. Hazal about during the display ? He has no more desire to blow 
 up the balloon than the company. I think better of the pyrotechnic 
 display after this. 
 
 "Loss, if any, payable to the Portland Gas Company, as their 
 interest may appear as holders of the first mortgage" That settles the 
 matter and I regret having wasted so much time on the blamed thing. I 
 will cancel by wire after all. The Portland Gas Company? Why, of 
 course ! the balloon is filled with gas, and in event of a fire on the very 
 first ascension, the gas company is sure of their pay; after that there will 
 be no trouble. These aeronauts get a large sum of money each time they 
 go up in a balloon, and the gas company's bill cannot be so very much. 
 I see it quite clearly. Prof. Hazal, like all of his class, is improvident ; 
 he spends his money freely, is a sort of a king with the rustic folks, and 
 is no doubt a stranger to Oregon, and the gas company and the tent 
 company want their money secured ; but why is the tent company content 
 with a second mortgage? That is not quite right; in fact, it is a 
 suspicious circumstance. The answer to that is that the awning and tent 
 company built the balloon ; in fact, it is their enterprise, but it is not 
 intended the public shall know it, They do not care to let it go out that 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1898 263 
 
 they are behind this man Hazal, so they have worded the "loss, if any," 
 clause in this way. Not a bad plan ; in short, quite clever. The more I 
 think of it the less objection I can find to the risk, and yet I don't just 
 like it. I have turned down two risks from that agency lately and I am 
 getting the small end of the business from there. Three other companies 
 are in the agency and two of them have special agents that just stuff the 
 local agent with things to eat and drink. The silver mug I sent to his 
 baby is six months old, and would have been forgotten if I had not put 
 the name of the good old company on it in large letters. Yes, I must 
 carry the risk, but I will re-insure half of it. I don't just like to take it 
 around myself ; it will perhaps attract attention and create suspicion. I 
 will send the usual re-insurance clerk. The clerk returned so quickly I 
 was sure the risk was rejected. No. "Took it at once and will write all 
 of them he can get," said the clerk, and here I made a mistake. My own 
 cautious nature impelled me to telegraph the agent to collect before the 
 first ascension. The weather might clear, the man might go up, the 
 balloon burn, and nobody from whom to collect the premium that 
 seemed plausible enough and worth the price of the message. That was 
 my mistake. The whole thing was a fraud originated by the local ; 
 assisted by the special, aided and abetted by the assistant general agent, 
 and they had landed the "old man," but my friend of the re-insuring 
 company went down with me and that is some consolation. 
 
 IF, WHEN you work, you do not shirk, 
 And never stop to quibble nor quirk ; 
 If it's understood you will be good, 
 And try to saw your share of wood ; 
 If your heart is light, and you do right, 
 And aim to keep your record bright, 
 When you die, you may fly high 
 To a detached mansion in the sky. 
 
 "FATHER," said the happy boy, putting down his illustrated edition 
 of the Arabian Nights with a sigh of intense satisfaction, "Father! 
 what was the most extraordinary thing that ever happened to you in all 
 your life?" 
 
 "Son," replied the father, "the most extraordinary thing that ever 
 happened to me was the last fire that destroyed my store." 
 
 "And why was the last fire so extraordinary, father?" 
 
 "Because it was unexpected, my son," 
 
264 THE KNAPSACK 1898 
 
 PURE FICTION. 
 
 SOME of you remember Philip Bird, I dare say. He was "counter- 
 man" in the days when steamboat and covered wagons ruled 
 transportation, long before the iron track was laid. He was a 
 serious boy, at school, with large, solemn eyes ever looking earnestly at 
 you. He believed everyone to be honest, and he trusted his associates 
 beyond belief ; not that he was lacking in a sense of humor, for he was 
 the first to understand a witticism, but his faith in the integrity of his 
 fellows was almost pathetic. He learned his lessons quickly and recited 
 them faithfully, but he dreamed about them with his eyes wide open and 
 built mental castles of the material furnished to him by his teacher, but 
 beautified by his own inspiration, and he was often punished because he 
 was "idle and listless." That was the way the teacher put it. No one 
 but his mother knew his timid and reserved disposition, and she was 
 disappointed that he was not a big, burly chap to fight a way in the 
 world and early bring something to eke out the scanty larder atod modest 
 family wardrobe. Like many a fond mother she sought to mould his 
 mind on her own plan, and barely concealed the disappointment of 
 failure. He suffered while he tried to do his whole duty, as poets and 
 lovers of nature must when all in their lives is out of drawing. With 
 nothing but filial affection to harmonize that which he could not under- 
 stand, he did what he was told to do. From school to an office as "boy," 
 with a small salary a proud boy glad to help mother but a wondering 
 boy trying to understand business ; he made few mistakes ; did not 
 "watch the clock" ; never asked for and never received a holiday; did 
 all he was told to do and more, and yet the president was impatient of 
 the boy who had no "get up" about him. In time, the man at the desk 
 two removes above him was taken sick, and it was found that Philip had 
 a knowledge of the work and was able to carry it on. The temporary 
 assignment to this desk became permanent, and the clerk over whom he 
 had jumped became a silent foe. The president thought it strange that 
 the "little snake," as he called Philip, had glided so smoothly ahead. 
 " Mark my words," said he, "there is something wrong. I don't like 
 that fellow." 
 
 Months ran to years ; salaries are raised at intervals ; the boy grows 
 to be a man ; death claims parents ; and loving hearts are drawn to each 
 in marriage. Philip was cashier and counter-man now, serious, earnest, 
 attentive, obliging, and still distrusted by the president. " I don't know 
 what it is, but that fellow makes me nervous. I don't like him ; and yet 
 I can't put my finger on a thing that is not all right. Peace of mind is 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1898 265 
 
 worth something, and I will fire him the first chance I get. He is crawl- 
 ing too near to the head office, anyway." 
 
 Then Philip was fired. One day of passionate despair, one day of 
 calm resignation, one week of shame-faced timidity, and then the cooling, 
 grateful, hopeful counsel of a clear-headed wife had its effect. The 
 president was popular, a rustler, a square man. If he discharged anyone, 
 there was cause for it. The street gave Philip a frosty shoulder. 
 
 He dropped out of sight. Ten years passed; twenty years. And 
 then the celebrated inventor, Philip Bird, returned to town, a self-con- 
 tained, scholarly millionaire. 
 
 "I brought that boy up," said the venerable president. "I gave 
 him his start in life, and yet he has not even called on me." 
 
 IN LAW, technicalities seem to be as valuable as facts : 
 Over yonder down South, a man thought of taking out a policy on 
 his dwelling. He talked a good deal about it with the agent, made a 
 diagram, and asked for the rate, and was always on the verge of order- 
 ing a policy. Finally, his house burned. After a time he decided that 
 the agent should have issued a policy anyway, and he brought suit to 
 recover from the company. The judge gave a verdict for the company 
 on the ground that a proof of loss had not been filed within sixty days of 
 the date of the fire. 
 
 MANAGER Did you offer this woman a rebate? 
 Solicitor I did not, and I never told a lie in all my life. 
 Manager Good enough. I am getting a little absent-minded 
 myself. 
 
 IT is hard for some specials to remember faces, and it is a point 
 with most specials never to admit that they do not remember an agent. 
 At Stockton, the other day, one of our boys was approached by a smiling 
 stranger, who said, "You don't remember me now, do you?" "Oh, 
 yes, I do," said the special, "remember you perfectly well, but I forget 
 just where you live." " Madera," said the stranger. "Why, of course," 
 said the special ; and how are things at Madera? " but all the time he was 
 thrashing about in his mind for the name of the Madera agent. It came 
 to him after the affable stranger had disappeared also the special's 
 watch and chain. 
 
266 THE KNAPSACK 1898 
 
 THROW UP YOUR HANDS. 
 
 "Proud man drest in a little brief authority most ignorant of what he's most 
 assured. His glassy essence like an angry ape, plays such fantastic tricks before 
 high heaven as make the angels weep." 
 
 there was a "Ding-dong" who lived in a sweet village near 
 the banks of a running river, and he grew up with the people all 
 around him. As a little, teeny, weeny Ding-dong he was cute and 
 the pride of the valley. Men patted his head and women curled his hair ; 
 birds regarded him curiously and dogs used to run with him. 
 
 In time he was older and smarter, and knew it, and dinged it and 
 donged it into the ears of his neighbors until he had no neighbors, and 
 houses were to let in the vicinity of his father's home. 
 
 Then he studied, and the effect of study was a shock to the legal 
 profession, and he dinged the lawyers and donged the court until he put 
 their eye out. After that, he took a ding at politics and donged his way 
 from primary meetings to nominating conventions, and always he gained 
 his point but lost his cause. 
 
 Then he went forth to ding public officers and prominent citizens, 
 and although he killed them dead as Julius Caesar on paper they were 
 still alive in the hearts of their countrymen. 
 
 After this he run amuck and people fled from him, but one day the 
 Governor, a brave man, put the shackles of office upon him and tied him 
 down to his post, so that thereafter and until his term was up he could 
 ding at but one class of people, and the birds sang once more with joy 
 and the dogs barked bravely once again, and lawyers smiled and 
 politicians beamed, and the public said, "For heaven's sake keep him at 
 his post forever," but the poor insurance people threw up their hands 
 just as men do when friendly brigands stop a stage coach and this never 
 occurred in Kansas and has nothing to do with McNall. 
 
 ARE all "board members" wooden men? 
 No ! But some are of pretty good timbre. 
 
 ONE of the boys is very proud of his personal appearance and his 
 toilet is always carefully arranged. One time we had traveled all night by 
 stage to adjust a loss. Arriving at day-break, we decided to freshen up 
 and defer sleeping in bed until night. I waited patiently while our friend 
 groomed himself. Suddenly he gave a snort and rushed for the water 
 basin. By some means, known only to a country hotel, a bottle of 
 pepper sauce was on his bureau which he had mistaken for hair dressing. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1898 267 
 
 A SERMON IN LINES. 
 
 I. 
 As we gather at our meeting, 
 
 With old friends on every side, 
 With our tales of joy and business, 
 
 Songs of mirth, and songs of pride. 
 
 II. 
 
 Think of those, do not forget them, 
 
 As we tell our stories o'er; 
 Those who once were here beside us, 
 
 Comrades, who have gone before. 
 
 III. 
 Who shall know or who shall tell us, 
 
 If beyond the Great Divide, 
 Where the curtains fall asunder, 
 
 And the doors are parted wide, 
 
 IV. 
 
 Shall we meet them, shall we greet them, 
 
 In that far and distant land ; 
 Shall we see their faces brighten, 
 
 Shall we grasp each friendly hand ? 
 
 V. 
 
 Do they stand with arms outreaching, 
 
 Welcome bearing for us all ? 
 Are they there, expectant, waiting, 
 
 Shall we hear their voices call? 
 
 VI. 
 
 Shall we join the best and bravest, 
 
 And once more review the past, 
 All our strife and toil and labor, 
 
 To the winds forever cast ? 
 
 VII. 
 Weary hands may drop their burden ; 
 
 Weary hearts may rest at ease ; 
 Tired brains forget their labor ; 
 
 Care and toil from troubling cease. 
 
268 THE KNAPSACK 1898 
 
 VIII. 
 
 Look around, see! here among us, 
 Shadowy forms are standing near, 
 
 With the smile of God about them, 
 With the peace that knows no fear. 
 
 IX. 
 They are with us in the spirit ; 
 
 Hail them ! as the friends of yore ; 
 Dear the thoughts, and sweet the memory, 
 
 Brothers who have gone before ! 
 
 X. 
 
 Oh ! companions, stand together ! 
 
 Soon, too soon, our day is o'er, 
 And we leave to join our comrades, 
 
 Comrades who have gone before. 
 
 DU VAL. 
 
 WHY do they always speak of your chief clerk as a man of great 
 push? 
 
 Because that is the sign on the door he uses so much, I think. 
 
 ONE of the rules of the office reads : ' ' Vacancy permits can be 
 granted only by the head office." For this reason an agent in a 7x9 
 village wrote to the head office as follows : ' ' Please to excuse me for 
 thirty days, as I want to go to the coast and refresh with the salt air." 
 
 HOT TIME IN 'FRISCO. 
 
 By R. W. OSBORN. 
 
 All ye underwriters at this board, list while I sing this song, 
 It will tell you of the many things to happen here ere long ; 
 Just three years ago we had a fight and rates were cut in four, 
 (All sorts of bad and senseless things are done in times of war.) 
 Look out then for your expiration book, don't accuse the other as a 
 
 crook, 
 
 Because he gets a risk that you did fail to hook 'twill make a hot 
 time in 'Frisco this year, 
 
 By jingo. 
 
KNAPSACK 1898 269 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 Bow your head in shame for what we 've done, 
 Thank your stars the war has had its run ; 
 But if perchance one thinks he 'd like to have more fun, 
 There'll be a hot time in 'Frisco this year. 
 
 Now Jack Frost got in his deadly work in southern part of State, 
 Ran right through the orange groves so like the irony of fate, 
 And the rain it failed to fall in places where the grain is king, 
 North wind dried up the barley crop and every other thing. 
 Look out then for the business that 's in force, good risks burn and 
 
 become a total loss. 
 And if you don't inspect as a matter then of course there'll be a hot 
 
 time in 'Frisco this year, 
 
 By jingo. 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 Then there 's Clunie, with his dictum and his rulings so unjust, 
 Saying one day we must not do this, the next day that we must ; 
 For illegal taxes he is bent, our bonds he nullifies, 
 Claims our rates are high, the board is bad, these does he criticise. 
 Look out then or behind the bars we'll be, serving time at the will 
 
 of Czar Clunie, 
 And if we don't disband this board now instantly, there'll be a hot 
 
 time in 'Frisco this year, 
 
 By jingo. 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 Now how charming we would look with prison stripes upon our backs, 
 Breaking stone in Folsom's yard, or turning jute right into sacks; 
 Oh ! how crushing this would be for high-born spirits such as these 
 All this will only come about when moons are made of cheese. 
 Say then, say, to this same commissioner, we '11 do right, yes, most 
 
 respectful sir, 
 But don't demand our life as executioner. There '11 be a hot time 
 
 in 'Frisco this year, 
 
 By jingo. 
 
 LAST CHORUS. 
 
 Raise your heads for we have done no wrong, 
 
 Shout our rights and keep the shout up long, 
 
 And when you tire, just merge your shout into the song : 
 
 There'll be a GOOD time in 'Frisco this year. 
 
2/0 THE KNAPSACK 1898 
 
 THE CHICKEN DISPUTE. 
 
 " I only deal by rules of art, such as are lawful." 
 
 THE Farmers' Mutual Insurance Company of Malaria Corners, 
 Oregon, issued its policy No. 41,144, at its Gold Hill agency in 
 favor of Alfred Falfa, for $100, as follows : 
 
 " $100 on hens and roosters, plucked or unplucked, in coop, field, 
 hen-house or crate, while situate on or about his ranch of forty acres, 
 more or less, lying in a southerly direction, three miles from Gold Hill, 
 Jackson county, Oregon. 
 
 "In event of loss, this company shall not be liable on mixed breeds 
 in a proportion exceeding one dollar for three hens, or roosters, as the 
 case may be, and for 'Plymouth Rocks,' not exceeding one dollar for two 
 fowls of that breed. 
 
 " If this policy is cancelled by the assured, it is hereby understood 
 and agreed that in addition to the usual short rates, the assured shall pay 
 for the necessary expense of doing the business." 
 
 The hen-house burned from cause unknown, but presumably from 
 spontaneous combustion caused by an excess of phosphorus in some 
 over-heated eggs, and a settlement of the loss was made by A. W. Foote, 
 special adjuster of the Farmers' Mutual, as follows: 
 
 " It appears, Mr. Falfa," said the adjuster, "that you lost by this fire 
 1 20 hens and roosters of various unnamed kinds, and 120 'Plymouth 
 Rocks'?" 
 
 "Yes," said the assured. 
 
 " Do you or do you not consider it significant that the exact number 
 lost in each case was a hundred and twenty?" 
 
 " O ! Why, no ; it just happened to come that way." 
 
 "Well, we will call it a coincidence and agree on that number. Our 
 contract is to pay you at the rate of one dollar for each three of the mixed 
 chickens, and one dollar for each two of the Plymouth Rocks." 
 
 "That is what the policy says," remarked the assured. 
 
 " Now, one dollar for three and one dollar for two are equal to two 
 dollars for five, are they not? " 
 
 The claimant made a mental calculation, and after a long pause, 
 replied in the affirmative. 
 
 "Then," continued the adjuster, "at the rate of two dollars for five 
 chickens, a hundred chickens would be forty dollars, wouldn't they? " 
 
 "Let me see. Five 's in two dollars forty times; that's forty cents 
 apiece; one hundred at forty cents makes forty dollars. Yes, that's 
 right." 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1898 271 
 
 "Then two hundred would be eighty dollars, and forty would be 
 sixteen, making a total of ninety-six dollars." 
 
 "Well, I suppose that's correct," said the assured; "but when I 
 figured it at home I made it a hundred dollars, and so did the children, 
 and the schoolmaster who boards with us. We must have made a 
 mistake, for 240 chickens at forty cents apiece amount to just ninety-six 
 dollars." 
 
 So he signed a proof. Foote gave him a note for the ninety-six 
 dollars, took a receipt, gathered in the policy and returned to the home 
 office at Malaria Corners. 
 
 When the claimant returned to the ranch, the whole family, including 
 the schoolmaster, who was regarded in the neighborhood as a mathemat- 
 ical prodigy, sat up till midnight figuring, and by the dim light of an 
 antiquated lamp, calculated in all kinds of ways, but finally agreed that 
 the loss was an even hundred. 
 
 The neighbors joked Falfa so much about the matter that he got 
 mad and brought suit against the company for four dollars and costs, 
 alleging fraud. 
 
 The decision of the court was as follows : 
 
 Al. Falfa 
 
 vs. 
 Farmers' Mutual Insurance Company, 
 
 Of Malaria Corners, Oregon. 
 
 ss. Mossback, J. 
 
 The defendant company issued to plaintiff its policy No. 41,144, at its 
 agency at Gold Hill, Oregon, in the sum of $100, covering on "hens and 
 roosters, plucked or unplucked, in coop, field, hen-house or crate, situate 
 on or about assured 's ranch," etc. In event of loss, the company was 
 not to be liable on mixed breeds in a proportion exceeding one dollar for 
 three hens, or roosters, as the case might be, and for Plymouth Rocks, not 
 exceeding one dollar for two fowls of that strain. 
 
 A fire occurred, totally destroying 120 fowls of mixed breed and 120 
 Plymouth Rocks. The company's adjuster settled the claim for $96. 
 Plaintiff now brings suit for $4 and costs, claiming fraud on the part of 
 the defendant. 
 
 The case appears to be resolved into one main question with two 
 collateral points : 
 
 First. Did the loss of said fowls by the assured constitute a legal 
 claim against said insurance company for the full amount of $100 ? 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1898 
 
 Q. E. D. that is to say, quite easily demonstrated, to-wit, 
 namely: i2o-:-3 = 4ox$i = $ 40 
 
 i2O-:-2 = 6ox$i =| 60 
 
 $40 -|- $60 = $100, total loss. 
 
 The two collateral points are these, viz. : 
 
 (A) The defendant gave the plaintiff its note for $96, pay- 
 able one year after date, without interest, which is 
 clearly to be regarded as collateral evidence. 
 
 (B) In consideration of said note the plaintiff gave a receipt 
 in full and surrendered said policy. 
 
 Defendant claims that $96 is a correct estimate of the loss, based on 
 the following calculation, which, if figures cannot lie, appears to be 
 correct : $i for 3 and $i for 2 =$2 for 5. Two-fifths of 240=196. 
 
 Plaintiff does not question the accuracy of this computation. 
 
 It is clear that there is a difference of $4, but where it comes in is not 
 so apparent. Still, it must be remembered that courts are not schools of 
 the higher mathematics. The legislators of our State have decided that 
 the amount named in a policy shall, in the event of the total destruction 
 of a building, be the measure of loss, regardless of the value of the 
 burned structure, and I see no good reason why this principle should not 
 apply with equal justice to other kinds of property. The courts have 
 always given the benefit of any doubt to the assured and justly, for it is a 
 fundamental truth underlying all law, that corporations are soulless. Or, 
 as the late Sir Edward Coke tersely said : " Corporations cannot com- 
 mit treason, nor be outlawed, nor excommunicated, for they have no 
 souls." 1 
 
 On the other hand, I cannot overlook the fact that the defendant 
 company in this case is made up of some of our best farmers, whose 
 rights must be protected. After carefully weighing the evidence, the 
 decision of the court is that the charge of fraud is not established. 
 Judgment is given against the defendant in the sum of four dollars, while 
 the costs, which we assess nominally in a like sum, will be paid by the 
 plaintiff. 
 
 Mr. Foote, the adjuster, rankled under this decision, and asked for 
 expert opinions in the following letter : 
 
 MALARIA CORNERS, Oregon, February 5, 1898. 
 To the Editor of the Knapsack SIR: I enclose decision of Justice 
 Mossback, in a case in which my company is interested, and as I under- 
 stand your paper has a large circulation, though I never see it more than 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1898 
 
 273 
 
 once a year, I will ask you to use your valuable influence towards getting 
 opinions on this case from some of the best adjusters (who can figure), 
 and much oblige, 
 
 Yours respectfully, 
 
 A. WEBB FOOTE, 
 
 Inspector of Agencies, 
 Chief Clerk and Special Adjuster for the 
 Farmers' Mutual Insurance Company 
 of Malaria Corners, Oregon. 
 
 As we were unable to get written opinions from the leading adjusters 
 and expert accountants requested by Mr. Foote, in time for this issue, we 
 take the liberty of giving what we believe would be their views in this 
 matter, based on their instructions in similar cases. From prudential 
 motives we omit names, and simply number the various opinions, which 
 follow : 
 
 ( Opinion No. i. ) 
 
274 THE KNAPSACK 1898 
 
 The settlement in accordance with the mode of procedure arbitrarily 
 established by the adjuster in question, which treatment was apparently 
 sanctioned and confirmed by the insurance company interested, ostenta- 
 tiously develops a latent ambiguity and a maximum of turpitude which 
 cannot be too strongly deprecated. Without attributing absolute criminal 
 motives to the aforesaid adjuster and his supporting company, it will be 
 distinctly obvious to the meanest comprehension that intervention in this 
 case, in behalf of the assured, whose entire good faith cannot be success- 
 fully impugned, is imperatively demanded in the interests of that justice 
 which is an ineradicable and inherent right of both of the contracting 
 parties, regardless of preconceptions or prejudgment. 
 
 As a mathematical proposition, even if it were based on purely 
 supposititious claims, the solution presents no insuperable contradictions. 
 Primarily, the exact words of the policy must be faithfully and studiously 
 considered, in all their verbal felicities, or infelicities, nor must they be 
 diverted into channels not contemplated originally. The chickens in 
 question, without considering their augmented sound value, or their 
 augmented present value, were insured on an average valuation, not of 
 forty cents, but of forty-one and two-thirds cents apiece. To prove this 
 beyond the faintest penumbra of a doubt, add 33^ cents, the proportion 
 of one lot, to 50 cents, the proportion of the other lot, and divide this sum 
 by two. The quotient is the insurance on each chicken, which equals 
 41% cents. Multiplying 240 by 41% cents, we have as a resultant sum, 
 $100, which is the correct and undoubted answer. 
 
 The $96 settlement is plausible, but is tainted with illegitimate calcu- 
 lation and is based on premises radically and diametrically antagonistic 
 to homogeneous and synthetic reasoning. 
 
 ( Opinion No. 2. ) 
 
 Both are right. The difference is one of proportion. To solve this 
 quickly, construct a diagram shaped like an ordinary gridiron or pipe 
 organ, through which draw a line broken at various points by irregular 
 angles and resembling a flash of lightning taking the usual zigzag course. 
 Let the top jag of the flash represent the three for one proportion ; the 
 middle fork, the two to one ratio, and the tail of the thunderbolt, the five 
 to two proposition. Now, is it not evident that by arranging a series of 
 years on the left of the diagram, extending from its top to its base and 
 averaging the size and weight of the fowls annually, we are prepared, by 
 taking these in connection with the ratios, to arrive at a fair basis for 
 computation ? I have built so many of these plans that I am satisfied they 
 
"THE KNAPSACK 1898 
 
 give to anyone with good eyesight that instantaneous knowledge which 
 mere words cannot convey. I do not, however, insist on a slavish 
 allegiance to diagrams, for there are other methods. To simplify this 
 further, let me suggest the following : Place 120 chickens of the mixed 
 breeds in a box (redwood preferred, but any old box will do), and 
 deposit 120 Plymouth Rocks in another box. Remove the chickens from 
 the first box in bunches of three, and every time three are taken out, 
 drop a dollar in a sack. Repeat this with the other lot, putting one 
 dollar in the sack for every two chickens. 
 
 When the boxes are empty, there will be $100 in the sack! 
 
 To prove that $96 is also correct, mix the two lots of chickens in one 
 box thoroughly, and remove them in bunches of five, depositing two 
 
 dollars in the sack for every cluster of chickens taken out of the box. 
 When the fowls are all out, there will be just $96 in the sack! 
 
 I might elaborate this statement, and will do so on another occasion, 
 giving full diagrams, but for the present, prefer to allow the young, 
 thinking adjuster a chance to grasp the principle, and then work it out for 
 himself. 
 
 If books of account were kept, the loss would adjust itself, and even if 
 the books were burned, my system of cross-examination would so confuse 
 the assured that a solution could doubtless be arrived at within three or 
 four days. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1898 
 
 Steps to be taken. (These may be used to advantage before the fire 
 if the chickens are roosting high.) 
 
 First. Average the fowls into as many groups as the conditions o* 
 the policy demand. 
 
 Second. Ascertain the loss of each group separately. 
 Third. Do not mix the chickens. 
 
 Fourth. Divide 120 by 3 ; the quotient will be the loss on the mixed 
 group. 
 
 Fifth. Divide 120 by 2 ; this gives the loss on the Plymouth Rocks. 
 
 Sixth. Add the two quotients. The sum is $100, which is and must 
 be correct. 
 
 Note. It is essential that the chickens be counted separately. Do 
 not mix the chickens, and the groups will be so fortified, and the propor- 
 tions so clear, that the problem is at once narrowed down to an ordinary 
 mathematical one. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1898 
 ( Opinion No. 4. ) 
 
 277 
 
 This is a simple but interesting problem, and can best be solved 
 algebraically. 
 
 Let x = mixed fowls ; and y = Plymouth Rocks. Then x -|- y = 240. 
 As 3 to $i, 120 are to 40, and as 2 to $i, 120 are to |6o. Form the 
 equation and raise to the 'nth power. The answer is |ioo. 
 
 Again, by compound proportion : 
 5:2:: 240 : x 
 
 Multiply the means and divide by the extremes. Answer is 196. 
 This leaves a difference of $4, which may be handed to the assured and 
 charged to traveling expenses. 
 
278 THE KNAPSACK 1898 
 
 ( Opinion No. 5. ) 
 
 Adjusters are not born, but made; and there's a difference in their 
 makes. The problem in question may seem hard to some, but gets 
 easier for me the longer I work on it. The simplest way of doing it is 
 by ledger accounts. Any number of accounts may be used. Personally, 
 I prefer not less than seven, but at this time will give but two, as follows : 
 
 Insurance Company, Dr $100 
 
 To Assured, Cr $100 
 
 To 120 chickens at 33>^c $40 
 
 To 120 chickens at 5oc 60 
 
 This comes out just even. 
 
 Next we have Loss account, Dr $96 
 
 To Bills Payable, Cr $96 
 
 This also explains itself. 
 
 I rather think the difference of $4 may arise from an ingenious change 
 in the wording of the policy made by the adjuster. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1898 
 
 279 
 
 My method of settlement is based on plain cayuse sense, and can 
 easily be done with chalk on a barn door. 
 
 ( Opinion No. 6. ) 
 
 The $4 is there, but you don't see it. 
 
 In this case a vital point escaped the adjuster, and that is depreciation. 
 Some of the chickens probably had the roup or the pip and the values 
 were too high. Good, merchantable hens have often sold in Oregon for 
 $1.50 to |3 a dozen. 
 
 A fair settlement would have been like this : 
 
 240 chickens at say 2oc apiece $48 
 
 Less depreciation for sickness, poor condition, 
 etc., 33}^ 16 
 
 Net Loss $32 
 
280 
 
 THE KNAPSACK 1898 
 
 As the assured accepted the adjustment, the basis of $96 should 
 stand. Ain't I right, eh ? An adjustment in favor of the company should 
 never be reopened. 
 
 Of course, any one can see where the difference of $4 comes in. 
 
 ( Opinion No. 7. ) 
 
 Was the premium paid before the fire? If not, the policy should 
 have been canceled and all of this trouble would have been saved. 
 
 I frankly confess that in this case, so far as I am concerned, there is 
 but one member of the trinity of underwriting involved, and that is 
 agnosticism. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1898 
 
 ( Opinion No. 8. Solution from Chicago. ) 
 
 281 
 
 You will remember that Gladstone, in one of his lighter humors' 
 asked : ' ' What are we all doing at the same time ? " To which the 
 Prince of Wales aptly replied : "Counting our chickens before they are 
 hatched ! " May we not apply this to the matter in question ? 
 
 The old rhyme truly says : . 
 
 "This is not so bad a world 
 
 As some would tell ; 
 
 Heaven may be no better, 
 
 And, likewise, hell." 
 
 I stood one evening in the maze at Del Monte for an hour, waiting 
 for some one to show me the way out, and as I gazed at the full moon, 
 and heard, softened by the distance, the voices of the guests at the hotel, 
 some of them, perhaps, in the same condition as the moon, I thought : 
 11 How transient are earth's rivalries ! " Oh, why should we worry over 
 
282 
 
 THE KNAPSACK 1898 
 
 trifles? Let us keep our hearts warm and our hands full, for, as the 
 Persian poet so beautifully said : 
 
 " Some wager on a pair, 
 
 And some on threes will bet ; 
 A full hand 's good enough for me, 
 But rather hard to get." 
 
 What we need is more leisure. The lark has always time for a song, 
 and man should always have time for a lark. 
 
 But it must not be all play. 
 
 Dr. Samuel Johnson once asked an able-bodied individual why he 
 did not work. He answered, "Oh, doctor, I am an insurance manager ! " 
 There is a lesson in this for some of us ! 
 
 In conclusion I would say : " Don't split feathers, nor adjust with a 
 microscope. ' ' 
 
 EDWARD NILES. 
 
 THE EDITOR, THE PROBLEM, AND THE CHICKENS, 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1898 283 
 
 OUR PRESIDENT HAS BEEN GOING AROUND PICKING UP POINTS. 
 
284 THE KNAPSACK 1898 
 
 THE LOVING CUP. 
 
 TON the conclusion of the reading of the Knapsack, the President 
 turned to Mr. Grant and said : 
 
 Mr. Grant, before you leave the desk at which you have so 
 acceptably presided during the reading of the Knapsack, I have a little 
 office to perform, acting for the members of the Association, your friends. 
 It has been your pleasure and your custom to serve us as editor of the 
 Knapsack these many years. The Knapsack is a paper that is known 
 the world over. We all appreciate it, and we all come here to listen to 
 it. The writing of such a paper carries with it not merely the perform- 
 ance of the editorial work, and the further duty of reading it to the Asso- 
 ciation, but it also carries with it a duty that is not always fulfilled by 
 those who have it in charge. Your work is most acceptably done. 
 Your rendition and delineation of the different passages and characters is 
 inimitable. You attain to a position that few of us could hope to gain. 
 If the proceedings lag, the sparkles of wit in the interpretation by your 
 good self in the Knapsack, always make us feel that, though the meeting 
 may have been dry, the Knapsack always gives it a relish. 
 
 Therefore, on behalf of your friends, Mr. Grant, I wish to present to 
 you to-day a "loving cup," a token of that regard which we all feel for 
 you, and which is better expressed in the engraving than I could possibly 
 phrase. 
 
 Mr. Grant Mr. President and Gentlemen : I have sometimes sim- 
 ulated emotion ; now I feel it. Indeed, I find it very difficult to speak to 
 you at all. I am completely taken by surprise. 
 
 We hear that said often, but in this case it is absolutely true. Who- 
 ever had this beautiful memento in hand, has kept the fact from me. I 
 have not even heard a whisper of it. I am sure I do not know just what 
 to say, for I am not in the habit of being presented with such beautiful 
 and valuable gifts. But if the words of others, which I have always en- 
 joyed reading to you, and if anything I have been able to write has 
 
Presented to the Editor of the Knapsack, with the love of his 
 manv friends. 
 
THE KNAPSACK 1898 285 
 
 pleased you, or has given the pleasure I have hoped and anticipated, 
 then am I truly glad. For many years we have met in this assembly 
 room on the occasion of our annual gathering, and I am glad to think 
 that the hearts of those who are here are as young to-day as they were 
 years ago when the Association was formed, the result, as we all know, 
 of the fire at Virginia City. And I do believe this, that the managers 
 who annually meet with the boys will keep more thoroughly in touch 
 with the progress and the changes ever going on in our business, and 
 will be younger in spirit and better able to withstand the attacks of time. 
 And I hope, gentlemen, that I may live long to meet you, and each of 
 you, here. I thank you very much. 
 
286 THE KNAPSACK 1898 
 
 flHD thus ends the first volume of "Che Knapsack/' 
 its sarcasm is without sting? its wit is harmless; its 
 pathos melts only the softest heart Jls a whole, it is in- 
 tended to bring for the moment a sensation of pleasure to 
 a "body of men" buckled into harness, tugging with 
 might and main. 
 
 If, in the reading of it, the spontaneous laugh can 
 for but one instant speak the complacent mood, then is the 
 mission of the "Knapsack" fulfilled, and it has "danced 
 in the sunbeams " to some purpose. 
 
Contents: 
 
 PAGE 
 
 A Shadow on the Business 3 
 
 A Water Clause Needed n 
 
 A Little Talk to Special Agents 22 
 
 A Motto for an Insurance Man 24 
 
 About Bringing Good into the Business 27 
 
 A Dream (verses) 32 
 
 A Legend of the Rhine(o) 34 
 
 Agents' Letters 35 
 
 A Lesson in Rating 49 
 
 A Merced County Day Book 53 
 
 A " Bar " Story 55 
 
 A Strong Argument 68 
 
 A Young Adjuster's Points 71 
 
 A Specimen Witness 71 
 
 A Mighty Nimrod 72 
 
 A Reasonable Claimant 79 
 
 A Definition 81 
 
 A Sample Judicial Decision 90 
 
 A Good Agent 93 
 
 Ammunition 97 
 
 A Character 98 
 
 A Timid, Nervous Man 131 
 
 As Others See Us 160 
 
 A Kick 181 
 
 Abou Bill Sexton 187 
 
 An Arizona Adjustment 195 
 
 After The Fire 201 
 
 A Colorado Adjustment 204 
 
 An Unprecedented Salvage 208 
 
 A Nevada Adjustment 221 
 
 A Detective Story 225 
 
 A Cripple Creek Adjustment 236 
 
 An Insurance Idyl 242 
 
 A Piety Hill Adjustment 246 
 
 A Dream 252 
 
 A Lost Sheep 259 
 
 A Sermon in Lines 267 
 
ii CONTENTS ; 
 
 Blacksmithing in Insurance n 
 
 By-and-By 217 
 
 Consolidation 14 
 
 Commissions 23 
 
 Circumstances Alter Cases 29 
 
 Cause and Effect 37 
 
 Consequential Damage 40 
 
 Calendars no 
 
 Character Sketches 139 
 
 Camp Ten 152 
 
 Cimex Lectularious 166 
 
 Clinch Things 170 
 
 Callingham W. J., Song 192 
 
 Diamond Cut Diamond 86 
 
 Damascus Badlam 128 
 
 Down Went 137 
 
 Dreadful Effect of Credit Rule 189 
 
 Editorial 1880 i 
 
 1881 10 
 
 1882 26 
 
 11 1883 44 
 
 1884 61 
 
 " 1885 67 
 
 1886 75 
 
 1887 96 
 
 1888 118 
 
 1889 132 
 
 1890 135 
 
 1891 150 
 
 " 1892 164 
 
 1893 179 
 
 1894 199 
 
 1895 215 
 
 1896 231 
 
 1897 240 
 
 1898 257 
 
 Extraordinary Case 155 
 
 Eight Word Poem 233 
 
CON TENTS : iii 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Fire From Steam Pipes 7 
 
 Farnfield's Song 94 
 
 From New Jersey 133 
 
 Farnfield, C. P 169 
 
 Field Notes 188 
 
 Found in a Palace Car 238 
 
 From Chicago , . 243 
 
 Getting Board Rates 49 
 
 Going For Her Bald Headed 52 
 
 Good Advice 6a 
 
 Harry Smith's Story . 4 
 
 Haversack Philosophy 19 
 
 How I Killed My Man 41 
 
 Hints to Agents 47 
 
 How Our Loss Was Settled 50 
 
 His Last Trip 82 
 
 Heavy Adjustment 120 
 
 How Happj . . . 258 
 
 Hot Time In ' Frisco 268 
 
 Insurance Against Neighbors 14 
 
 In Memoriam (verse) 58 
 
 Influence of Association 124 
 
 In Other Respects 190 
 
 If I Should Die To-Night 220 
 
 I Didn't Think He 'd Do It 226 
 
 Keep a Steppin' 150 
 
 Killing No Murder 254 
 
 More Correspondence nt 
 
 Model Agent 126 
 
 More Calendars 134. 
 
 Mother and Child 260 
 
 One of Many 91 
 
 Old Joe Brown 157 
 
 Oh What a Difference in the Morning 171 
 
 On Her Surroundings 211 
 
iv CONTENTS: 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Poker Bill 5 
 
 Poor Joe E. O'Shady 244 
 
 Pure Fiction 264 
 
 Queries 160 
 
 Railroading in the Far North 12 
 
 Register Early 31 
 
 Running a Local Board in Montana 64 
 
 Rabbit Stew (verse) 73 
 
 Rules of The Game 241 
 
 Rock-a-Bye Compact 245 
 
 Reveries 251 
 
 Sunshine in the Business 15 
 
 Some Talk at a Country Hotel 38 
 
 Special Agent in 1870 185 
 
 Such a Nice Man, Too 209 
 
 Special Spare That Rate 233 
 
 Sout' of Market 234 
 
 Slang 253 
 
 The Scalper's Soliloquy 2 
 
 The Base Line 20 
 
 The Country Agent's Lament 63 
 
 The Fine Old Underwriting Board 65 
 
 The Enchanted Lake 69 
 
 The Old Canteen 77 
 
 The Underwriter of the Future 101 
 
 The Local Agent 108 
 
 To Take Effect at Once 162 
 
 The Fuddydud 164 
 
 The Bogie Man 173 
 
 Ten Little Specials 174 
 
 The Special's Wail 175 
 
 The Special and His Grip 177 
 
 The Old Adjuster's Dream 191 
 
 The Modest Mannered Maiden 197 
 
 The New Agent at Hanging Rock 202 
 
 The Woman's Exchange 212 
 
CONTENTS ; 
 
 PAGE 
 
 The Suppressed Version 223 
 
 The Naughty Man 228 
 
 Throw Up Your Hands 266 
 
 The Chicken Dispute 270 
 
 The Loving Cup 284 
 
 Where Was The Deacon? 18 
 
 Water Privileges 30 
 
 What's the Use 59 
 
 Wilson, John Scott (speech) 113 
 
 When The Specials Come Home 213 
 
 Wait, Mr. Postman 228 
 
 Whither Are We Drifting? .261 
 
 :!TY 
 
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY 
 BERKELEY 
 
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 This book is DUE on the last date stamped below. 
 
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