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 O R, 
 
 WAYS and MEANS 
 
 / forgetting MONET. 
 
 Wherein 
 'The various Lures,Wiles, and Artifices, 
 praftifed by the Defigning and Crafcy upon 
 the Weak and Unwary, are fully expoi'cd. 
 
 Recommended to the fcrious Perufal of all Adven- 
 turers and Sharers \nB:ibbla-Vrid:rtahin^S:i the 
 Pursuers of Fenny -^lorths, and Bargain-Buy srs. 
 
 Chiefly colkaed from fame Pape--? of the Ingenious Mr." 
 John Thomson, fcattered uy.wstaLciiirince-l'euyitney'i- 
 Hill aa^^Da^■e;-. ~ 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 PrlrtcJ for J. RoEtRTS, near the Ox/or^- 
 Aims in War wick- Lane : And fold by the 
 Bookfellers of Z.o?2Jo« and IVt/iminJier. 1733. 
 ( Price One >Shillin-0 
 
 i-"' 
 
 
C'^y^i^^^n u ^z ^/ 
 
 V 
 
 :/7//^ 
 
 LOAN STACK 
 
 ( I ) 
 
 
 TRICKS of the TOWN; 
 
 O R 
 
 Diamonds act Diamonds. 
 
 ^'^'%^ Y Son get Money, faid a wifer 
 S xV// ' * ^^" '•^^^ you or I, honell: Reader: 
 S ^v/ 5 'T'hat is che Precept ; but he went 
 Sg'v vJ ig no farther, leavinq; the Bufincfs of 
 Committee Men, Ways and Means, £>:c.' 
 to the peculiar Turn of Thought, or Biafs of 
 . Invention of every individual Momy-Getter. Of 
 all the Methods made ufe of to attain this grcac 
 *End, I believe it will be allow'd that he vvlm 
 gains his point the eafieft way, is the wifeil: 
 Perfon : For inftance, I knov/ there are Mines 
 of Gold and Silver in Peiti nnd Mir-ico; but 
 when one confideri at what a very inconvenient 
   diftance thefe are, and what Toils and Dm- 
 gersmuft be undergone before an Ingot of either 
 can be pocketed, what is to be done in the 
 Cafe ? We cannot go to them, and they will 
 not come to us. In this plunge of Affiirs, we 
 refolve to pick it up by Shi Iliads, Ctoiunf, Gut- 
 neas, Moidores, &c. at horns. 
 " That •'he one half of this great overgrow ii 
 Metropolis knows but little how the other is 
 truly fupported, is a Maxim, I believe, older 
 
 B thaa 
 
 823 
 
than the Walls themfelves ; that a conllderable 
 number of Perfons are daily employed and kepc 
 in conftanc pay to go about damaging and de- 
 ftroying all manner of wearing Apparel, when 
 they can find an Opportunity of doing it with- 
 out any Inconveniences to themfelves, is a Fa<9: 
 that will admit of no manner of Difpute. I 
 have been inform'd, that if a Coachman or Car~ 
 ter can decently dafh a Gentleman or a Lady 
 that are richly drefs'd, when they are walk- 
 ing the Streets, over their Head and Ears, and 
 make due Proof of the Faft, there is not a 
 Draper or Mercer within half a Mile of the 
 Place where the Exploit was perforni*d, but 
 who will readily tip the Man a Shilling for his 
 Trouble. 
 
 Every body knows, that when a Foot- Soldier 
 was taken in the Court of Requefls at IVeflmin- 
 flery bedaubing a noble Lord's new Suit of 
 Qothes upon his Back, with a compofiticn of 
 Powders that in a Week's time would have 
 render'd them not worth the acceptance of his 
 Valet de Chamlre ; the honefl Man, upon a very 
 ftria Examination before a Magiftrate, was at 
 laft brought, though with great reluctancy, to 
 confefs his receiving a Salary of Thirty Pounds 
 fer Ann. from certain Drapers^ Taylors, and 
 Scoxvrers, for thofe kinds of Services. 
 
 A few Weeks fince I happen'd into a very 
 large promifcuous Company of Gentlemen and 
 Tradefmen, at a Tavern near the Royal-Ex- 
 change; I had not been feated amongft them a 
 Quarter of an Hour, before a Waiter came to 
 top the Candles, and let a Snuft" fall upon the 
 Sleeve of my Coat, which inftantly burnt a 
 great hole in the Cloth. All the Satisfaftion I 
 
 - had[t 
 
 ( 3 ) 
 
 had, was in calling him carelefs Rnfcal, and 
 his begging my pardon. This was foon follow'd 
 by a great Glafs of Wine one of tlie Com- 
 pany let fall upon the Table, which wetted 
 three or four Peoples Cloches prerty heartily. 
 By and by a full Flask was overfet, which put 
 half a dozen more of us into the fame pickle ; 
 fo that nothing was heard for feme time, but. 
 Sir, lam heartily f^rry ; I beg your pardon ; Mif- 
 chances will happen, but 1 hope it ixion^t ftain-, and 
 the like. We were all up from our Chairs, 
 wiping and cleaning one another. We were no 
 fooner got into order again, and begun to be 
 merry, forgetting what was paft, but Supper 
 came to be fet upon the Table ; when ths 
 Cook, in handing a DSh of Fifli over our Shoul- 
 ders, let fall the Bafon, with ail the Sauce 
 in it, upon half a fcore of us. We now were 
 in a worfe Condition than ever, and all got 
 upon our Legs again in the utmoft Confufioa 
 and Diforder ; and with rumbling and tum- 
 bling about, a huge Pewter Pifs-pot, with a- 
 bout half a dozen Gallons of Urine in ir, was 
 thrown down from irs Stand. I got a Pocket 
 full to my fliare, and there were few of the 
 Company but what had their Dividends of it. 
 Blefs me, fays I, fare never fuch a Series and 
 Train of Dil'afters f-Il out fo before. In Ihort, 
 I could ftand it no longer, but paid mySiiot, 
 and came away with my Clothes'in fuch a con- 
 dition, that I had fcarce ever leen the like, and 
 was forc'd to give them aivay the next Morn- 
 ing. In a Day or two after, I was thoroughly 
 fatisfied with the real Canfe of thefe Accidents, 
 •viz,, that the Houfe in wiiich I had met with 
 this Mifchief, was entirely fupported by IVuol/cn 
 B 2 Di-a^ers^ 
 
(4) 
 
 Drapers, T'ayhis, and Bntmi-feUers ; and that we 
 had got feveral of 'em that Night in our Com- 
 pany, 
 
 Women of Qiiality and Fafhion will per- 
 haps think themlelves no ways liable to any 
 of thefe Mifchances; but I fhall convince 
 them , that howfoever fecure they may i- 
 magine themfelves to be from them by their 
 Coaches and Chairs, and other Accommoda- 
 tions, they are yet to be come at by fome 
 People they are not well aware of. There 
 are few Women of any Fafliion, that make a 
 tolerable Figure in the Beau Monde, but what 
 have a continual clatter of Manteaumakers, 
 Milliners, and Scmpftrefles about their Ears ; 
 befides Tire- Women, and Fortunv>Tellers by 
 Coftee-Grounds ; together with a Train of 
 Chamber-maids, and old Houfekeepers, who 
 have go: married, and are permitted to vifit 
 the Families they once lived in. Thefe, with 
 a Croud of Midwives, Twelvepenny Lonery- 
 Women, and other How d'ye do People, are for 
 ever plaguing them with this new Fancy and 
 Pattern, and recommending fuch and fuch Per- 
 fons to their Cuftom for Teas, China, and 
 Trumpery. And while a Story is telling of 
 who's a going to be Married, who is brought 
 to. Bed, or who has Mifcarricd, down goes the 
 Cup and Saucer, aud the Tea all over her La- 
 dyftiip's Petticoat ; then do they curfe their uu- 
 lucky Hands, and beg ten thotifand Pardons for 
 the Mifihance ; and threaten to go to India, but 
 they will match the Set, fo as not to be dif- 
 tinguifti'd by the niceft Judgment. The whole 
 Suit of Clothes, perhaps, becomes the Perqui- 
 (ite of my Lady's Woman, and the Set of China 
 
 is 
 
 ( 5 ) 
 
 is not to be matched- in the Kingdom! The 
 Dealers foon ^et Intelligence of the Accident, 
 from the Perfon by whole Hands it was done ; 
 and the Lady is teaz'J almoft to death with 
 People (hewing her new Sets, new Patterns, and 
 what not : and as foon as fhe has purchafed, 
 the Gofllp, by whofe dextrous Management 
 the Traffick was brought about, not only begs 
 and gets the damaged Sec of China for herfelf, 
 but moreover receives a Moiety out of the 
 Shopkeeper's Profit who fold the new Set ; as 
 well as Poundage from the Mercer, for what 
 he (hall fell the Lady. I knew a Woman of 
 Quality who was fo ftrangely peftcr'd with 
 this kind of Vifitants, that (he could never 
 keep a clean Manteau to her Tail, nor a com- 
 plete Sec of China to her Tea-Table ; and yet 
 continued fo incredulous, as not to be perfua- 
 ded that there was any Art and Defign in the 
 Difaflers that io frequently happen'd to her. 
 
 How many great Ladies have had their 
 Gown-Tails cut from their Backlidcs ac 
 Balls and Operas, not fo much for the fake 
 of what Profit could be made of them, as hns 
 been apparent, but for the promoting of Trade 
 and Commerce ; and have return'd home in 
 Jackets, \\ks Dutch BurgomaftersWives, to their 
 Families ? 
 
 The Methods made ufe of to Gripe, Surfeit, 
 Cholick, and otherwife diforder the Bodies of 
 Children, as well as Perfons of riper Years, in 
 order to render tliem due Objefts of Advice 
 and Phyjtck, I believe are obvious enough to 
 every ingenious Perfon who is converfant with 
 Families, and the Streets of London. What Per- 
 ibn is there, of common Humanity amongft us, 
 
 buc 
 
   
 
(6) 
 
 but muft look with the utmofl: Grief and Con- 
 .cern upon that intolerable number of IVIieel' 
 harro-ws. Stands, and Benches, which are fo indu- . 
 ftrioufly ranged and difpofed thro' all the Streets^ 
 Lanes, and Alleys of the Town, retailing vari- 
 ous Kinds of damaged and unwholefome Fruits 
 to the Paflengers ? all which manifeflly tend to 
 deftroy the Healths of thofe who are weak 
 enough to purchafe them, and oftentimes are 
 the Caufe of epidemical Difeafes. 
 
 I hope none of my Readers will be fo un- 
 charitable as to fuggeft that there is a Combi- 
 nation amongft Qiiacks, Apothecaries or Driiggiftsj 
 for furnifhing thele moving Shop-keepers with 
 Barrows, Baskets, Money to purchafe unwhole- 
 fome Fruit, or any other Neceflaries and Con- 
 veniences for carrying on this dangerous Traf- ' 
 fick with the middling People : but thus much 
 muft be faid, that we generally find them 
 polled at, or near the Doors and Shops of 
 thofe Trailers. And then, what a horrible Squall 
 and Outcry is there, according to the Sealbn, 
 of Green Gooslerries by the GaSon, Cherries by the 
 Pound, Plumbs by the Hat-full, Cucitmbers by the 
 Doz,en, and rare lumping Half-peniiy-viorths of 
 Pears, Pippins, and Pearmains, Sec, The People 
 ^are conftanrly complaining of Diforders they 
 produce, but cannot refrain from them, be- 
 caufe they are, as it were, thruft down their 
 Throats in this manner ; and when Advice is 
 had, the Patient is rarely told that his Malady 
 proceeded from the real Caufe, but that Fruit 
 is held to be good and cooling to the Blood at all 
 Times and Seafons, and by all Countries and Con- 
 fiitutions. Thus the Patient repeats his'Poifon, 
 the Prefcriber his Fees, and the Apoth%ary his 
 
 Potion. 
 
 (7) 
 
 Potion. I once catch*d an Apothecary ac the 
 fide of a Wheel-barrow enquiring of a dirty 
 Hufley what Qiiantities of Goods {he had dil- 
 pofed of for a Day or two ; doubtlels that he 
 might thereby proportion the Quancity of hi« 
 Medicines fuitable to the Execution her Trafb 
 muft have done amongft his Neighbours. 
 
 Another time I faw a Phyfician vouchfafe 
 to defcend from his Chariot to become an Ad- 
 vocate in the open Street for a Flac-Cap Re- 
 tailer of Golden Rennets, who had caus'd a great 
 Riot at a Door fhe was permitted to place her 
 Barrovj againft, and pleaded as ftrenuoufly for 
 her Continuance at ic, as a Barrifter would 
 have done for a Fee of five Guineas; urging, 
 among other Reafons, the Cruelty, and what an 
 tmchrijlian Aciion it would be in any one to ob/iruSl 
 a poor IVretch in procuring a fmall Livelihood iit, 
 an honefl induftrious Way. This Argument had 
 the more Weight with the People, becaufs 
 every one was furprized to hear fo humane a 
 Sentiment from a Practitioner in Phyfick. 
 
 Some Shop-keepers Wives being got together 
 at a Merry-making, an Apothecary's Mortar- 
 piece of the Company was complaining of the 
 bad Situation her Husband's Affairs would 
 have been in, if that it had not pleafed G— d 
 the Apricots, Plumbs and NeEiarins had turned 
 out v(tfily bad and plentiful this Tear. 
 
 Sometimes when the Mifchiefs arifing from 
 unwholefome Fruits are too apparent, and a 
 general Outcry is raifed by Nurfes and Old 
 Women againft People's indulging therafe'ves 
 too freely in them ; then Care is taken to con- 
 ceal the Poifon under litcle kind of On/is in the 
 "nature of Pyes and Tarts : and befides what are 
 , fold 
 
(8) 
 
 fold in great Shops, itinerant Paflry-Ccoks arc 
 difperfed all over the City and Suburbs to 
 tempt liquorifli Women and Children to be- 
 come the Properties of an Apothecary's Shop . 
 Many there are, who would be inclined to 
 think it fomething romantick, when I venture 
 to affure them, that above an hundred Families 
 in and about this City and Suburbs are aftu- 
 ally fupported and maintain'd by no other 
 Means than thofe q{ flealing Dogs from the 
 Doors and Houfes of Perfons of Quality and 
 Condition ; and that Children are adually put 
 forth Apprentice for a certain Term of Years, 
 and have Money given with them, to be in- 
 ftrufted in this Art and My fiery. 
 
 VVe fee, that when fome of thefe innocent A- 
 nimals are miffing, what a Value is fet upon 
 them, by the round Sums offer'd by publick 
 Advertilement. How many great Ladies are 
 there, that would fooner be reconcil'd to the 
 death of a Child, or a near Relation, than to 
 that of a favourite Lap-Dog ? And how of- 
 ten have we feen Families in deep Mourning 
 on thefe Sad, Occafions? From Air to Air, and 
 from Mineral to Mineral, have they been {hifc- 
 ed upon the flightefl: Diforder. I have known 
 a tip-top Phyfician fent for by an Exprefs, and 
 feveral Sets of Horfes laid on the Road for 
 him, to go with the utmoft Expedition to vifit 
 a Lap-Dog that has been only ill of a fuUen 
 Fit, or fo, in York/hire. A Woman of the firft 
 Quality, who, when all other Remedies fail'd 
 her, found great Benefit by Walking, was ob- 
 liged to give over that beneficial Exercife, for 
 no other reafon, forfooth, but that her "favou- 
 rite Dog could HOC keep pace with her , and 
 
 what 
 
 what was found to be advantageous to her 
 Confticution, was detrimental to his. 
 
 The Artificers who make a Livelihood by dc 
 coying thele pretty Puppets away, for the fake 
 of the Guineas and Half Guineas chat are ufually 
 given for their recovery ro the Owners, are 
 fond to pay a dole and diligent Attendance 
 near the Doors of fuch Hdufes where they are • 
 held in the higliefl: EftiniaCion, and at the moft 
 proper Seafjns. Four in the Afternoon is deem'd 
 a. good Ho(ir fur a Dog of Qiiality and Di- 
 ftindlion : The dear pretty Siul has had a good 
 Meal, and a thoufand Kifles bcftow'd on him; 
 and my Lady, perhaps, has been too free with 
 her Clary after Dinner, and fo is gone to take 
 a Nap. The Valet is kifling her Woman be- 
 hind the Skreen in the Dinmg-Room : In the 
 mean time, Jewel trips down flairs into the 
 Hall, while the Porter is down in the Kitchen 
 at a Horfe-Laughter with the Footmen and 
 Maids, and ci-.e Door committed to the Care 
 of Ibme drunken Chairman, or poor Fellow 
 out of Place ; and a poor-locking Creature 
 is peeping in, under pretence of asking Cha- 
 rity. The Dog is inftandy fnappM up, and con- 
 vey'd away under an old louzy Great-Coar< 
 or a greafy Ridinghood, to fome filthy Cellar or 
 Garret. By and by my Lady wakes, and 
 wants her Companion : 'Sdeath and Fireballs, 
 the Houfe is iearch'd from top to bottom, as 
 the a Warrant for High-Treafon was got in- 
 to it. Mrs, Abigail has warning given her, -and 
 the Porter is turn'd out of doors. Every thing 
 is in the greateft Confufion, and nothing buC 
 fear and forrow appears upon every Coun- 
 tenance. The Footmen and Stablemen are dif- 
 C patch'd. 
 
( 1° ) 
 
 parch'd, like Madmen, North, Eafi:, Weft, and 
 South. The Trades-People, not immediately 
 knowing the Occafion of this fudden Confter- 
 nation, fend from all Corners, and hope my 
 Lord and Lady are well. Next Morning the 
 Crier and the News-Papers go to work. My 
 Lady fees no Company, forbears Plays and O- 
 peras, and every Room of the Houfe looks as 
 if a peftilcntial Diftemper was raging in the 
 Family. 
 
 Towards the clofe of the Evening, a Fel- 
 low in a Soldiers Coat, with the Dog very 
 carefully wrapp'd up in one of the Lappets, is 
 knocking at the Door. A Reprieve to a Ma- 
 Icfaftor the Morning of Execution; or the 
 News of a rich Father's Death to an extrava- 
 gant Heir, cannot be more welcome than two 
 or three Telps of the a^fent Animal fhall be to 
 flU the Servants : Happy is that Servant who 
 has the good fortune iirft to carry the glad 
 Tidings to my Lady. The Fellow tells a long 
 Scory of his being at his Poft in St. Jamei's 
 Park , and of his feeing the Dog under a 
 Woman's Arm ; and how he fufpeded her 
 coming honeftly by it, and what Fatigues and 
 Difficulties he met with in wrefting the poor 
 Creature from her : How the Mob took part 
 againft him, and the rifque he run of being 
 lent to the Savcy j with twenty other Falflioods, 
 all which are greedily fwallowed: Every Face, 
 with Tears of Joy, (landing with great Faith 
 and Patience to hear his impudent Narration 
 of the great Dangers that the poor little Crea- 
 ture and himfelf iiad efcaped. The Thief re- 
 ceives the Reward, with perhaps a Guinea over, 
 and goes away loaded with Applaufes and 
 
 Bleflings, 
 
 ( " ) 
 
 Bleflings, for reftoring Peace and Traiiquillity 
 in the Family. 
 
 The Dogs that belong to private Families, 
 and Shopkeepers, the proper time for fcttlng 
 them is generally foon after Seven in the Morn- 
 ing, when the Maid negleds her Entry and 
 the Stairs for a Converfation with the Baker's 
 Journeyman, or her Matter's Prentice; and 
 a general 7ete-a-Tete of all the Mops and 
 Brooms in the Neighbourhood is going for- 
 ward; and a Safh Window, or a Street Door 
 left carelefly open, whereby an opportunity is 
 given for Tray to be trick'd out of Houle and 
 Home by a bit of Meat, that is generally (hewn 
 •him as a Bait for that purpofe. Half a Gui- 
 nea for bringing him home is repeated three 
 or four times in the Advertifements, and then a 
 Guinea once or twice more ; fo that about For- 
 ty Shillings muft be expended, before the poor 
 Fool (hall be put into ftatti quo. 
 - In the Evening, when the Ladies are going 
 to make their Vifits, their pretty Favourites are 
 too apt to follow them from the Parlour to 
 the Street Door ; and if their Guardians and 
 Jrufiees are not fufEciently upon the watch, 
 a Perfon under pretence of wanting Alms, (hall 
 not only mump Money, but carry off their 
 fVard into the bargain. 
 
 When Service is over at the Churches and 
 Meeting-Houfes on a Sunday, we find a great 
 many Hands at work plying the Doors and 
 AvenueSi in hopes of picking up now and then 
 one of thefe ftraggling Gentry : For there are 
 very ftaunchC/jK>c/j-Folks, as well as rigid P'ef- 
 byterians of this Species ; and 1 have feen fome 
 of them, whofe Zeal has tranfported them fo 
 
 C ^ far. 
 
(12) 
 
 far, as to render themfelves liable to the Pe- 
 nalty of Twenty Pounds, in dip-urbing a Prea- 
 cher by loudly inarling az him, when they have 
 been pleafed net to approve ot his Counte- 
 nance or Di (ferine. 
 
 The Qitakers may entertain a great many 
 of them at .their Habitations, buc I believe, 
 have few or none that can be truly faid to be 
 of their Perfuafion; for I could never learn 
 that any were ever aftefted with their Prin- 
 ciples, and much lefs frequented their Places 
 •of Religious Worfhip. 
 
 Thoi'e honeft City-Tradefmen and others, 
 who fo lovingly carry their Wives and Mif- 
 trefles to the neighbouring Villages in Chaifes 
 to regale them on a Sunday, are feldom fen- 
 fible of the great Inconveniences and Dangers 
 they are expofed to : for befides the common 
 Accidents of the Road, there are a Set of re- 
 gular Rogues kept conftantly in Pay to incom- 
 mode them in their Paffnge ; and thefe are 
 the Drivers of what are called JVaiting Jol>l/s, 
 and other Hackney Travelling-Coaches, with Sets 
 of Horfes, who are commiffioned by their 
 Mafters to annoy, fink, and deftroy all the 
 fingle and double Horfe-Chaifes they can con- 
 veniently meet with, or overtake in their Way, 
 without regard to the Lives or Limbs of the 
 Perfons who travel in them. What Havock 
 thefe indultrious Sons of Blood and Wounds 
 have made within twenty Miles of London in 
 the Compafs of a Summer's Seafcn, is beft 
 known by the Articles of Accidents in the 
 common News-Papers : The miferable Siirieks 
 of Women and Children not being fufficient 
 |o deter the Villains from doing what they 
 
 ,   call 
 
 ( 13 ) 
 
 call their Duty to their Maflers ; for befides their 
 Daily or Weekly Wages, they have an extra- 
 ordinary ftated Allowance for every Chaife 
 they can reverfe, ditch, or l/riug by the Road^ 
 as the Term or Phrafe is. 
 
 I heard a Fellow, who drove a hired 
 Coach and four Horfes, give a long Detail 
 of a hard Chace he gave laft Summer to a 
 Two-Horfe Chaife, which was going with a 
 Gentleman and three Ladies to tVindfor. He 
 faid he firft came in view of the Chaife ac 
 Knights- Bridge, and there put on hard after 
 it to Kenjington ; but that being drawn by a 
 Pair of good Cattle, and the Gentleman in 
 the Seat pretty expert at driving, they made 
 the Town before him; and there flopping at 
 a Tavern-Door to take a Glafs of Wine, he 
 halted alfo, and whiftled for his Horfes to 
 fiale : but the Chaife not yet coming on, he 
 afte£led another Delay, by pretending that one 
 of his Horfes had taken up a Scone, and fo' 
 difmounting, as if to fcarch, lay by, till the 
 Enemy had palled him ; that then they kept 
 a Trot on together to Turnham -Green, when 
 the People fufpefting his Defign again, put ^n: 
 that he then whipp'd after them for dear Bloody 
 thinking to have done their Bufinefs between 
 that Place and Brentford. But here he was 
 again difappoinced, for the two Horfes flill 
 kept their Courage, rill they came between 
 Longford and Colnbrook, where he plainly per- 
 ceived 'em begin to droop or knock up, and 
 found he had then a fure Game on't. He 
 went on leifurely after them, till both Parties 
 came into a narrow Lane, where there was 
 no Poflibility of an Efcape, when he gave his 
 
 Horfes 
 
( 14 ) 
 
 Horfes a fudden Jerk, and came with fucb 
 Violence upon the People, tliat he pull'd th-ir 
 Machine quite over. He faid, the Cries of 
 the Women were fo loud that the B~cbes 
 might be heard to his Majler's Tard in Piccadilly ,- 
 that there being no-body near to aflill the' 
 People, he got dear off with two or three 
 bhnd old Women his PafTengers fome Miles 
 htyond Maidenhead, fafe both from Purfuic and 
 Evidence. 
 
 I have been credibly informed, that many 
 of the Coachmen and Poftillions belonging to 
 ^e Qiialicy are feduced by the Mafters of the 
 Travelimg-Coaches to involve themfelves in 
 the Guilt of this monftrous Enormity, and 
 have certain Fees for difmounting Perfons on 
 fingle Horfes, and over-turning Chaifes, when 
 'It fhall fuit with their Convenience to do it 
 With Safety, ("that is, within the Verge of the 
 Law;) and in cafe of an AElion or IndiEiment^ 
 It the Mafter or Miftrefs will not ftand by 
 their Servant, and believe the Mifchief was 
 merely accidental, the Offender is then de- 
 fended by a general Contribution from all 
 the Srage-Coach Maflers within the Bills of 
 Mortality. 
 
 .. "^^P^^ ^^<^^"ey-Gentlemen who drive about 
 the City and Suburbs o£ London, have by their 
 over-grown Infolence obliged the Government 
 to take notice of them, and make Laws for 
 their Regulation j and as there are Commif- 
 fioners for receiving the Tax they pay to the 
 rubhck, fo thofe Commiffioners have Power 
 to hear and determine between the Drivers 
 and their PaQengers upon any Abufe that 
 happens: and yet thefe ordinary Coachmen 
 
 abate 
 
 (IS) 
 
 abate very little of their abufive Condud, but 
 not only impofe in Price upon thofe that hire 
 them, but refufe to go this or that way as 
 they are call'd: whereas the Law obliges them 
 to go wherever they are legally required, and 
 at reafonable Hours. This Treatment, and 
 the particular faucy impudent Behaviour of 
 the Coachmen in demanding t'other Twelver or 
 I'e/ier above their Fare, has been the occadon 
 of innumerable Quarrels, Figming and A- 
 bufes ; affronting Gentlemen ; frighting and 
 infulting Women j and fuch RuJencfles, that 
 no civil Government will, or indeed ought to 
 fuffer; and above all, has been the occafion 
 of the killing feveral Coachmen by Gentle- 
 men that have been provoked by the villainous 
 Tongues of thofe Fellows beyond the Extent 
 of their Patience. Their intolerable Behaviouf 
 has rendered them fo contemptible and odi- 
 ous in the Eyes of all Degrees of People 
 whatever, that there is more Joy feen for one 
 Hackney-Coachman's going to the Gallows, 
 than for a Dozen Flighway-men and Street- 
 Robbers. 
 
 The Driver of a Hackney-Coach having the 
 Misfortune to break a Leg and an Arm by 
 a Fall from his Box, was rendred incapable 
 of following that Bufinefs any longer; and 
 therefore pofted himfclf at rhe Corner of one 
 of the principal Avenues leading to Covent- 
 Garden, with his Limbs bound up to the 
 moft advantageous Manner to move the Paf- 
 fengers to Commiferation. He told his deplo- 
 rable Cafe to all, but all paffed without Pi- 
 ty ; and the Man muft have inevitably pe- 
 ri(h'<l. had it not come into his head to 
 
 Ihift 
 
(i6) 
 
 Ihift the Scene and his Situation." The Tran- 
 fition was eafy, he whipt en a Leathern- 
 Apron, and from a Coachman became a poor 
 'joiner, with a Wife and four Children, that 
 had broke his Limbs by a Fall from the Top 
 of a Houfe. Showers of Copper poured daily 
 into his Hat, and in a few Years he became 
 able to purchafe many Figures, as well as 
 Horfes ; and he is now Matter of one of the 
 moft confiderable Livery-Stables in London, 
 
 The next are the JVatermen; and indeed 
 the Infolence of thefe, though they are under 
 fome Limitations too, is yet fuch at this 
 time, that it ftands in greater need than 
 any other of fevere Laws, and thofe Laws 
 being put in fpeedy execution. A few Months 
 ago, one of thefe very People being Steers- 
 man of a Pafl'age-Boat between Queenhith: 
 and Wind/or, drowned fifteen People at one 
 time i and when many of them begg'd of him 
 to put them on Shore, or take down his 
 Sails, he impudently mock'd them, ask'd fome 
 of the poor frighted Women, if they were 
 afraid of going to the Devil; and bid them 
 fay their Prayers : then ufed a vulgar Water- 
 Phrafe which fuch Fellows have in their 
 Mouths, Bloiu Devil, the more IVmd the better 
 Boat. A Man of a very confiderable Sub- 
 ftance periQiing with the reft of the un- 
 fortunate PalVengers, this Villain, who had 
 Ikved himfelf by fwiniming, had the fur- 
 prizing Impudence to go the next Mor- 
 ning to his Widow, who lived at Kingfton 
 upon T'hames. The poor Woman, furrounded 
 with a number of forrowful Friends, was a- 
 ftoniflied to think what could be the occa- 
 
 fiOD 
 
 ( '7 ) 
 
 fion of the Fellow's coming to her; but think- 
 ing he was come to give fome Account of 
 her Husband's Body being found, at laft (he- 
 condefcended to fee him. After a fcurvy 
 Scrape or two, the Monficr very modeftly   
 hofed his good Miflrefs Tvould give him half a 
 Crovm to drink her Health, by n-ay of SatisfaBion 
 for a Pair of Oars and a Sail he had left the 
 Night before, when he had drozvned Iw Htubaad. 
 I have many times pafs'd between Lcn-. 
 don and Gravefend with thefe Fellows ; when 
 I have feen them, in fpite of the fhrieks and 
 cries of the Women, and the perfuafioas of 
 the Men-Paflengers, and indeed, as if they 
 were the more bold by how much the Pafl'en- 
 gers were the more afraid; I fay, I have feen 
 them run needlefs hazards, and go as it wers 
 within an Inch of Death, when they havebecn 
 under no recefTity of it : and if not in con- 
 tempt of the PalTengers, it has been in mecr 
 lazinefs, to avoid their rowing. And I have 
 been fometimes oblig'd, efpeciaily v/hen there 
 have been more Men in the Boat of the fama 
 Mind, fo that we have been ftrong enough for 
 them, to threaten to cut their Throats, to 
 make them hand their Sails, and keep under 
 Shore, not to fright, as well as hazard the 
 Lives of the PalTengers, when there was no 
 need of it. But 1 am farisfied, th?.t the Icfs 
 frighted and timorous their PalTengers are, the 
 more cautious and careful the Wr'.termen are, 
 and the leaft apt to run into Danger . Where- 
 as, if their Paflengers appear frighted, then the 
 Watermen grow faucy and audacious, fhow 
 themfelves venturous, and contemn the Dangers 
 ihey are really expos'd to. 
 
 D Set 
 
(.8) 
 
 5ft one Knave to catch another^ Is a prover-^ 
 bial Saying of great Antiquity and Repute in 
 this Kingdom. Thus the vigilant limner, not- 
 withftandjng^ all his little Arcs of bafe Brew- 
 ings, abridging his Bottles, and connedling his 
 Guefts together, does not always reap the 
 fruits of his own Care and Induftry, Few 
 People bejng aware of the underhand Under- 
 ftandings and Petty-Partnerlhips thefe Sons of 
 Be-aecarfo and Cyder have topp'd upon them; 
 and the many other private Inconveniences that 
 they, in. the courfe of their Bufinefs, are fub- 
 jefted to. Now, to let my Readers into this 
 great Arcanum or Secret, I mull acquaint thera» 
 that nothing is more certain and frequent than 
 for fome of the principal Cuftomers to a Tavern, 
 to have a fecrec Allowance, by way of Draw- 
 back, of Six-pence or Seven-Pence, nay fome- 
 times I have heard of Eight-pence, on every 
 Bottle of Port-Wine that themfelves fhall 
 drink, or caufetobe drank in theHoufe, and 
 for which they have feemingly paid the full 
 Price of two Shillings ; and fo are a fort of 
 Vintners in Viz.arJs^ and Set ten of Society. 
 Thefe are moftly fharping Shopkeepers, who, 
 by being confiderable Dealers , hold num-' 
 bers of other inferiour Trades-people in a State 
 of Dependency upon them i Officers of Pa- 
 xiflie^s ; old feafon'd Soakers, who by having 
 lerv d an Age to Tippling, have contrafted a 
 boundlefs Acquaintance j Houfe - Stewards ; 
 Clerks of Kitchens; Song-Singers ; Horfe-Ra- 
 cers ; Valet de Chambres; Merry Story-Tel- 
 lers; Attorneys and Sollicitors, with Legions 
 °f wrangling Clients always at their Elbows. 
 Wherefore, as; ?hey liave got the Lead upon a 
 
 great 
 
 ( »9) 
 
 great part of Mankind, they are for evere/la- 
 bJiftiing Clubs and Friendly- Societies at Ta- 
 verns, and drawing to them every Soul they 
 have any Dealings or Acquaintance with. 
 
 The young Fellows are moftly fure to be 
 their Followers and Admirers, as efteeming it 
 a great Favour to be admitted amongft their 
 Seniors and Betters, thinking to learn to know the 
 World and themfelves. One conftant Topick of 
 Converfacion, is the Civility of the People, the 
 diligent Attendance, together with the Goodnefs 
 of the Wines, and Cheapnefs of the Eatables ; with 
 a Side-wind Refleflion on another Houfe. And 
 if at any time, when the Wine is complain'd 
 of, it is anfwer'd with Peoples Palates are not 
 at all times alike ; my Landlord generally hath as 
 good, or better, than any one in the Town, And 
 oftentimes the poor innocent Bottle, or elfe the 
 Cotkf falls under a falfe and heavy Accufa- 
 tion. 
 
 In a Morning there is no pafling thro* any 
 part of the Town, without being He?}!m'd and 
 Telp'd after by thefe Locufts from the Win- 
 dows of Taverns, %vhere they poft themfelves 
 at the moft convenient Views, to obferve fuch 
 Paflengers as they have but the leaft knowledge 
 of; and if a Perfon be in the greateft hafte, 
 goisg upon extraordinary Occafions, or not 
 caring to vitiate his Palate before Dinner, and 
 fo attempts an Efcnpe, then, like a Pack of 
 Hounds, they join in full Cry after him, and 
 the Landlord is detach'd upon his Dropfical 
 Pedeftals, or elfe a m.cr-, nimble- footed Drawer 
 is at your Heels, bawling out. Sir, Sir, *tis yottr 
 aid Friend Mr. Swallow, \\:ho wants you upon par' 
 ticular Bufinefs. 
 
 Da The 
 
( 20 ) 
 
 The Sums which are expended daily by this 
 Method, are realy furprizing. I knew a Clerk 
 to a Veftry, a Half- pay Officer, a Chancery 
 SoUicitor, and a broken Apothecary, that made 
 a tolerable good Livelihood, by calling into a 
 Tavern all their Friends that pafled by tiie 
 Window in this manner. Their Cuftom was 
 to fit with a Quart of White-Port before them 
 in a Morning," every Perfon they decoy 'd into 
 their Company for a Minute or two, never 
 threw down lefs than his Six-pence, and few 
 drank more than one Gill ; and if two or three 
 Glaffes, he feldom came off with lefs than one 
 Shilling. The Matter of the Houfe conftanrly 
 provided them with a plain Dinner, gratis. All 
 Dinner-time they kept their Room ftill, in full 
 view of the Street, and fo fate catching Gud- 
 geons, (as they ufed to call it) from Morning 
 till Night ,• when, befides amply filling their 
 own Carcafles, and difcharging the whole 
 Reckoning, they feldom divided lefs than fe- 
 %'en or eight Shillings a Man per Diem. 
 
 Some People, unacquainted with this Fellow- 
 feeling at Taverns, often vvonder how fuch a one 
 does to hold it; that he fpends a confounded deal 
 of Money, is feldom out of a Tavern, and never 
 in his Bufinefs : when, in reality, he is thus ne- 
 ver out of his Bufinefs, and fo helps to run 
 away with the chief Profits of the Houfe. 
 
 Nor are thefe all the Hardfliips many of the 
 Vintners lie under j for befides, their Purfes 
 muft too often {land a private Examination be- 
 hind the Bar, when any of thefe fort of Cu- 
 ftomers Necefflries fhall require it. 
 
 'Tis fuch Dealings drive the poor Devils to 
 
 all the little Shifts and Tricks imaginable. I 
 
 I ' went 
 
 ( 2» ) 
 
 went one day into a Tavern near Charing- 
 Cro/}, to inquire after a Perfon whom I knew 
 bad once us'd the Houfe : The Miftrefs be- 
 ing in the Bar, cry'd out. What an uuforttinatt 
 
 thing it was, Mr. — being that inftant gone 
 
 out of the Houfe , and was furprized J did not 
 meet him at the Door ; l/ut that he had left M^ord 
 he expeBed a Gentleman to come to Lim, and would 
 return immediately. I ftaid the lipping of two 
 or three Half-pints, and begun to ftiew fome 
 uneafinefs that he did not come according to 
 her Expeftation ; when fhe again wonder'd at it, 
 faying, it was jujl one of his Times of coming > 
 for that he was a worthy good Gentleman, and con- 
 flantly whetted four or five times in a Morning. 
 At length, being out of all patience, I paid, 
 and went to my Friend's Houfe, about twenty 
 Doors farther ; where his Wife inform 'd me, 
 he had been gone about three Months before to Ja- 
 maica. 
 
 The Bankruptcies fo frequently happening 
 among the Sons of Bacchus, are doubtlefs to be 
 attributed chiefly to fuch Leeches as I have 
 been defcribing, lying fo clofely upon them j 
 and then an innocent induftrious Man is to be 
 call'd forfworn Rogue, Villain, and what not ; 
 and to be told that he hath afteded a Failure, 
 to fink a dozen or fourteen Shillings in the 
 Pound upon his Creditors, when, in reality, he 
 hath not a fingle Shilling left in the World ; 
 and fhall oftentimes be oblig'd to become a 
 common Waiter to a more fortunate Fellow, 
 and one perhaps too, that he once had thoughts 
 of circumventing in his Bufinefs and Trade, by 
 no other means, than a more humble and trac- 
 eable Behaviour. 
 
C 22 ) 
 
 - A Vintner, who has been look'd upon by 
 all Mankind to have been a 20,000 /. Man at 
 kaft, hath died noc worth Eighteen-pence ; and 
 then the poor Wretch lias been worried to his 
 Grave, with the Chancer of a private VVhore- 
 jnafter or Gamefter. 
 
 A few Years fince Peter Dapper came into a 
 naked and ruin'd Bawdy-Houfe Tavern in the 
 heart of the City ; he refolv'd upon a thorough 
 Reformation of its Cuftoms and Manners, and 
 when a Male and Female came in together, he 
 order'd his Servants to (hew them into the o- 
 pen Kitchen. He declar'd that he would make 
 BO difference or diftinftion in the Price of his 
 Wines, but would be above-board with all 
 Mankind. He redrefs'd the exorbitant Grie- 
 vances of the Gridiron and the Spit, and pro- 
 tefted his Heart and his Larder free and open 
 to all that fliould vouchfafe to vifit either. He 
 invited all the fingle Mercers, Druggifts, and 
 Drapers, that lived within fight of his Bufh, to 
 eat a piece of Mutton with him every Day at 
 Noon, and upon the removal of the Cloth, 
 Peter proclaimed a free general Indemnity and 
 Oblivion for all the Mifchief their Forks and 
 Knives had done to two or three fubftantial 
 Difhes that ftood before them. By thefe, and 
 other uncommon Afts of Generofity, he rais d 
 the Reputation of his Houfe to a greater pitch 
 than any other in the Neighbourhood, and 
 reap'd the Fruits of his own Labours and In- 
 genuity. Peter, in a few Years, having laid 
 hands on a good number of Acres, and got 
 an Equipage about his Ears, has now very fair- 
 ly turn'd his A — fe upon all the Taverns in 
 the Kingdom. -. 
 
 { 23 ) 
 
 A certain great Banker, whofe Name it is 
 altogether needlefs to mention, (the Fad being 
 too well known to many Peoples Misfurtime) 
 having by fome indifcreet Management greatly 
 hurt his Reputation, and feveral Stories of a 
 fufpicious nature , tending to depreciate his 
 Charadler, being whifper'd about j which com- 
 ing in time to his knowledge, he thought of a 
 notable Device to prevent the Confequences 
 that generally enfue on thofe occafions to Per- 
 fons in his way of Life. His firft ftep was to 
 order Glaziers and Painters to new-ornament: 
 his Houfe in the moft genteel manner. He next 
 hurried to the Pool, and order'd in about a 
 hundred Chaldrons of Coals, tho* it was the 
 warm Seafon of the Year. Thefe Ciraim/iaiices 
 feem'd to demonfirate a Continuance in his 
 Houfe, and for three or four Days together, 
 when the People cams either to draw, or bring 
 their Cafh, their was fcarce a poffibility of get- 
 ting into the Shop, for a number of dirty Fel- 
 lows who were inceffantly carrying Sacks of 
 Coals on their Backs to the Cellars. The Stra- 
 tagem fucceeded even beyond expedlation j the 
 Creditors Apprehenfions clear'd up, and one 
 ridicul'd another for their /uo///Z» and ill-grotm-^ 
 did Fears. The Run that was begun to be 
 made, not only ceafed, but numbers of Stran- 
 gers now thought fit to conftitute him the C«- 
 p9di of their Foftunes ; and the Man was 
 look'd upon to be one of the moft flourifhing 
 of his. Bufinefs in the City, and his Credit e- 
 qual to that of the Bank of England. This 
 went on for about a Fortnight or three Weeks 
 longer, when this pains-taking Tradefman 
 thought fit to fliut up his Shop, and rub off 
 
 with 
 
( H) 
 
 with 100,000/. of his Creditors Money to.^'.'j;- 
 •werp. 
 
 Anochcr time a young Fellow, with a piclfu! 
 Patrimony, opened a Linnen-Draper's Shop 
 in the heart of the City ; his Stock was equal 
 to his Fortune, and, like moft raw unexperi- 
 enc*d Perfons, his Soul vaftly bigger than both. 
 Tho' he fer out with great Ambition, he con- 
 defcended to bow to all the Fair-Sex who pafs'd 
 his Door in Coaches or on Foot ; his Succefs 
 was humble, for he bowed to little purpofe. 
 Revolving Quarters, with Rent and Taxes, 
 were his principal Cuftomers. Thefe, together 
 with the apprehenfions of his being foon named 
 with other of his Majefty's loving Subjefts in 
 thcLondon Gazette, gave him great Pain and 
 Anxiety. One Morning he bleis'd himfelf for 
 a lucky Dog, having arofe from his Pillow 
 with the moft happy Thought that had ever en- 
 ter'd his Head. He call'd for Pen, Ink, and 
 Paper, and enjoining his Journeyman Secre- 
 cy, went to his Compting-Houfe, and drew up 
 a Paper to the Effedt following : viz,. " Where- 
 as there was, on the 10th Day of this Inflant 
 " Oftober, dropped in the Shop of Mr. Probity, 
 
 *' Linnen-Draper, at the in Cheap- 
 
 *' fide, London, a green Silk Purfe, in which 
 ** was contain d a large Rofe Diamond Ring, a great 
 ** number of pieces of Foreign Gold, together with 
 fundry Notes, Sec. of great value ; whoever will 
 apply td the faid Mr, Probity, and prove their 
 Property to the fame, Pmll have it refto/d them^ 
 only the Charge of this Advertife- 
 
 u 
 
 u 
 
 on paying 
 mem." 
 
 This he caufed to be printed in all the pub' 
 lick News-Papers, and although there was no 
 
 fuch 
 
 ( 25 ) 
 
 fuch Purfe loft, and confequer.tly no Claim 
 made, the Action was cry'd up through the 
 Town as the moft juft and laudable that was 
 ever done by a Citizen, and particularly by a 
 young Beginner i fome faylnsj, How many uvr? 
 there in the World that would have been ft lent e- 
 neugh on fuch an occafton And others, Ay, Ay ; 
 if it were not fr fome fich hnne/l People hft a~ 
 wongfl us, the World would never ft and. Trade 
 and Bufinefs now flnw'd in fo faft upon him, 
 that he was fcarce able to unJerc^o the Fatigue 
 of his Shop ; which was conftandy crouded 
 with Women oi all Ranks and Conditions, who, 
 they faid, were fure to meet with fairer Ufage 
 there, than in any ether in the City. His barely 
 averring, upon the Word of an honejl Man, that 
 the Goods in difpute lay him in more prime- coft than 
 was bid him, would go further than the Oaths 
 of a dozen Witnefles in Guildhall; and when 
 he was urged to fay, as Vm a Chriflian, or, if 
 one living Soul may believe another, it would fa- 
 tisfy the moft Judicious and Thnf:y, and re- . 
 move from his Shop the worft of Goods at the 
 moft extravagant Prices. 
 
 The. great Dealer in India Goods is to fell 
 as much China, Silks, and Muflins, &c. as he 
 can, by which he fhall get what he propofes 
 to be reafonable, according to the cuftcmary 
 Profits of his Bufincfs. As to a Lady, what 
 fhe would be at, is to pleafe her Fancy, and 
 buy cheaper by a Shilling or two in the Pound, 
 than the Things ft^.e wants are comnionly fold 
 at. Upon the approach of her Chariot to 
 one of thefe Magazines of Trifles, up fteps a 
 Gentleman-like Man, that has every thing 
 clean and falhionable about him j who, in low 
 
 £ obeifance. 
 
{ 26 ) 
 
 obeifance, pays her homage ; and as foon as her 
 pleafure is known that fhe has a mind to 
 come in, hands her into the Shop ; where im- 
 mediately he flips from her, and in half a Mo- 
 ment, with great Addrefs, entrenches himlelf 
 behind the Compter. Here facing her,, with a 
 profound Reverence and modifh Phrafe, he 
 begs the favour of knowing her Commands. 
 Let her fay and dillike what fhe pleafes, Ihe can 
 never be directly contradifted. She deals with 
 a Man in whom confummate Patience is one 
 of the Myfteries of his Trade ; and whatever 
 Trouble fhe creates, fhe is fure to hear no- 
 thing but the moft obliging Language; and has 
 always before her a chearful Countenance, 
 where Joy and Refpeft feem to be blended 
 with Good-Humour, and all together make up 
 an artificial Serenity, more ingaging than un- 
 taught Nature is able to produce. 
 
 When two Perfons are fo well met, the Con- 
 verfaticn mufl be very agreeable, as well as 
 extremely mannerly, tho' they talk about Tri- 
 fles. Whift fhe remains irrefolute what to take, 
 he feems to be the fame in advifing her, and 
 is very cautious how to direft her Choice : but 
 when once fhe has made it, and is fix'd, he im- 
 mediately becomes poficive that it is the beft of 
 the fort ; extols her Fancy, and the more he 
 looks upon it, the more he wonders he fhould 
 not before have difcovered the pre-eminence of 
 it over any thing he has in his Shop. By Pre- 
 cept, Example, and great Application, he has 
 learn'd and obferv a to flide into the inmoft 
 Receffes of the Soul, found the Capacity of his 
 Cuftomers, and difcover'd their blind fide un- 
 known to them : By ftH which he is inflrufted 
 
 in 
 
 ( 27 ) 
 
 in fifty other Stratagems, to make her orci'' 
 value her own Judgment,- as well as the Com- 
 modity fhe would purchafc. The greatcll Ad- 
 vantage he has had over her, lies in chc uioC; 
 material part of the Commerce betv/een them, 
 the Debate about the Price, which he knows 
 to a Farthing, and fhe is wiiolly igncmnc of : 
 therefore he no where more egregioufly im- 
 pofes on her Underftanding: and tho' here 
 he has the liberty of telling what Lyes he 
 pleafes, as to the Prme-G(l, and the Mymy he 
 has refufid, yet he trufts not to them only j but 
 attacking her Vanity, makes her believe the 
 moft incredible things in the World, concern- 
 ing his own Weaknefs, and her luperior Abi- 
 lities. He had taken a Refolution, he fays, never 
 to pan tiiiih that Piece or Set trader fu:h a Price^ 
 but fid has the poiuer of talking him out of his Goods 
 beyond an) body he ever fold to : He protcfis, that 
 he lofes by -what f}e offers ; but feing that ft:: has 
 a fancy for it, and is refolvd to give no ntove, ra- 
 ther than difobltge a Lady he has fiich an unconi' 
 mon vahis for, he'll let her have it ; and only begs, 
 that another time {he will not /land fo hard with 
 him. In the mean time the Buyer, who has a 
 voluble Tongue, and imagines herlelf no Fool, 
 is eafily perfuaded that (he has a very win- 
 ning way of Talking ; and thinking it fuffi- 
 cient, for the fake of Good Breeding, to d;i- 
 own her Merit, and \\ fome witty Repartee 
 retort the Compliment, he makes her Iwallow 
 very contentedly the fubftance of every thing 
 he tells her. The upfhoc is, that with the fa- 
 tisfadion of having bought, as (he thinks, ac- 
 cording to her expedlation, fhe has paid exac:- 
 ly the fame Price as any body elle v/culd have 
 
 E a doiie ; 
 
( =8 ) 
 
 done ; and give much more than, rather than 
 not" have fold his Gocds, he would have taken. 
 
 Thcle who have never minded an Accident 
 that once happened to a fpruce Mercer on Ltid- 
 gate-HiU, have neglefted a Scene of Life that 
 is very entertaining. A genteel young Lady, 
 very richly apparelled, made a full flop, in 
 a Hackney-Coach, at the Door of this (harp- 
 lighted Citizen ; who, with his wonted Civi- 
 lity, | conducted her into his Shop. After fhe 
 had fpent two or three Hours in tumbling over 
 bis Goods-, and exclaiming againft his fright- 
 ful Prices, and after divers Doubts and Hejitatioiis, 
 (lie fix'd her Determination on Silks and Bro- 
 cades to the value or amount of lool. and then, 
 with a handfome Apology for Women's feldom 
 gadding abroad with fuch a Sum of Money in 
 their Pockets, defires he would do her the ho- 
 nour to wait upon her, with the Goods, to 
 her Husband's Houfe, naming a very eminent 
 Surgeon at St. Jatttes^s. In the interim Dinner 
 is gone up, and the Mercer invites his fair Cu- 
 ftomer to take a Family Morfel with him, be- 
 fore they went to Sr. James's. At Dinner ma- 
 ny Excufcs pafs'd on the fide of the Mercer 
 and his Wife, for the indifferent Fare ; and on 
 the Lady's fide as many Declarations, that all 
 was mighty good and ivell j and faithfully pro- 
 mis'd, chat if his Gocds anfwer'd her expedta- 
 tidn, fhe would, never quit his Shop, but would 
 alfo procure moft of her Friends and Acquain- 
 tance to deal wi;h him. She was feizM with a 
 fainting Fit or two, with other pretty afFeft- 
 ed Symptoms of a breeding. Lady, which led on 
 a great deal of good humour upon the fubjed: 
 ofAlarriage. When Dinner was over, a Coach 
 
 was 
 
 ( 29 ) 
 
 was call'd, the Lady and her Purchafe were 
 handed in with the greateft alacrity, and or- 
 
 der'd to go to Mr. a Surgeon s. All the 
 
 way, a great deal of obliging Difcouife pafs'd 
 on both fides ; and the Mercer, not a lictle 
 proud of his pretty Cuftomer, and the large 
 Roll of Silk that lay in fight, took care to bow 
 to all his Acquaintance as he pafs'd along. 
 When the Coach ftopp'd, fhe very pertly ask'd 
 the Servant that open'd the Door, if his Mailer 
 was in the Surgery ; and being anfwer'd he 
 was, fhe fays, take care, put that Parcel by 
 carefully, and fhew this Gentleman into the 
 Parlour. In the mean time, herfelf went up 
 to the Mifler, and addreifes herfelf to the 
 following purpofe ; viz.. " That about two 
 " years firce, her too indulgent Parents, na- 
 ming a Family of good account in the Country^ " had 
 
 *' unfortunately married her to Mr. 
 
 " a Mercer on Ludgate-Htll ; but that his Life, 
 " fince their Marrage, had been fo fcandalous 
 " and diffolute, that, in fhort, he had not on- 
 *' ly ruin'd her Fortune, but fhe fear'd her 
 *' Conftitution, by his Converfacion with Scrum- 
 " pets J and that her Condition was fuch, fhe 
 " knew not what to do with herfelf, nor liow 
 " to make her Cafe known to any living Crea- 
 ** ture." He was going direftly to examine 
 her, but that fhe defired. he would delift, and 
 
 talk firfl: with Mr. , her Husband, naming 
 
 the Mercer, who, fhe faid, was below flairs 
 Waiting for that purpofe. She begg'd not to 
 be prefent, for fhe couid fcarce bear the fight 
 of a Wretch who had ufed her fo cruelly. She 
 being withdrawn, the Surgeon went down 
 flairs, and invited the Mercer into the Sur- 
 gery ; 
 
( 3° ) 
 
 gery; and began with asking. How he found 
 /jintjl'lf f The Mercer anfwer'd, truly he could not 
 bonjl oj a Urge fiare of Health, but that he made 
 a fhijt to rub en ; but adds he, Sir, your Lady 
 had a fudden Diforder this Day, as Jhe was at 
 Dinner at my Houfe ; then, with a Smile, lae oncd 
 thought we mu/i have made her your Patient, by 
 fending for you to her afjl/lame. Zounds, fays the 
 Surgeon in a furprize, what, my IVife dine at 
 juur Houfe! I knew /he went into the City. Re- 
 plies the Mercer, IVe had but a forry Entertaiu- 
 mem for her ; however, /he hath tmde herfelf a- 
 mends in her Bargain; and then prefents him 
 with a Bill of Parcels for loo/. for Silks fold 
 and delivered. The Surgeon, in a violent ago- 
 ny, rang the Bell for his Servants, bidding them 
 run all over the City, and find their Miftrefs. 
 Sir, fays the Mercer, you need not give your felf 
 that trouble, to he fire foe's in the Houfe, for the 
 Lady came with me in a Coach from the City. This 
 put him into a greater fury; D—mn ye, Sir, 
 your own pocky Slut, you mean ; Vd have ye know, 
 my IVtfe keeps no fuch Rafcals company. To blows 
 they went, and the Bones of the Skaletons rat- 
 tled as faft in the Glafles, as thofe of the Com- 
 batants. A Conftable was call'd, and charged 
 with the Mercer, for endeavouring to defraud 
 the Surgeon of loo/. by Falfe Tokens and Pre- 
 tences. And both the Men continued fo hot 
 and outrageous, and fuch Scurrilities pafs'd be- 
 tween them, that the Miftake was vaftly far 
 from being clear'd up, and the Cheat fee to 
 rights. The Mercer was carried in Cuftody 
 to a Tavern, in order to go before a Magi- 
 ftrate, curfing and reviling all the Surgeons as 
 he went along ; faying, if thofe wo-e their Tricks, 
 
 it 
 
 ( 3' ) 
 
 it was time to give over Trade; and what flill 
 vex'd him more, to have his poor innocent Wife 
 call'd pocky B — ch, and himfelf all the de- 
 bauch u Villains into the Bargain. Tiie Sur- 
 geon, on the other hand, cries out, A new piece 
 cf Villany, a Fellozu brings a JVhore, and a Bill of 
 Parcels, to rob my Houfe, and has withal the Impu^ 
 deuce to boaft of a Convetfation he has truly had with 
 my Wife in a Hackney-Coach. The Surgeon's 
 VVife had been found over a Difh of Tea at a 
 Relation's Houfe in Crutched-F/yars, where (he 
 had dined, and had hurried home in fuch a 
 manner, that the Horfes ftood in a dropping 
 Sweat at the Door. Soon after comes the Mer- 
 cer's VVife, almoft frighted to death, accompa- 
 nied with half her Relations, and finds a Mob 
 of a thoufand People about the Houfe where 
 her Husband was kept Prifoner. An Hour more 
 paft before the Fraud was difcover'd by either 
 Party, and the Affair fet in a true light; when, 
 upon enqijiring, the Fair Cheat it feems had, fo 
 foon as the Mercer was invited out of the Room 
 he was placed in, given the Servant half a Croun, 
 and went off with the Silks, and it has not been 
 known who fhe was to this day. 
 
 While the Scate-Lottery was Drawing at the 
 Guild-hall in London, an Irifhman ftcod amongfi: 
 the Croud, meditating upon Ways and Means 
 to procure a Meal's Meat ; his Belly, it feems, 
 having been a Bankrupt for mnny Days before. 
 At length, hearing a Prize of looo A proclaim- 
 ed, he fell into an Ercftacy, crying out, the 
 Ticket was his, which drew the Eyes of all 
 the People prefent upon him : he ran up to the 
 Huflings among the Managers, and for better 
 Satisfaftion^ defired to be inforra'd cf the prin- 
 cipal 
 
(32) 
 
 cipal Clerks whether the Number he had heard 
 in the Hrt// was entitled to the looo/. Prize. 
 They allured him it was, and gave him Joy on 
 his Succefs. He told the Clerks and Proclaim- 
 ers, that when the Wheels were clos'd, and 
 the Day's Drawing concluded, he fhould be glad 
 of their Company to eat a bit of fomething or 
 other with him at a neiglibouring Tavern. 
 When the Lottery-Men had done their Bufinefs, 
 they accordingly came, hke fo many Millers, 
 powdering every one that brufh'd againft them 
 to the Tavern, where the Spits, Boilers and 
 Stew-pans were all a going Tantivy ; the Ma- 
 tter of the Houfe lent privately to the Ringers, 
 to tell them he had a Gentleman, his Gueft, 
 whom Fortune had favour'd in the Lottery, 
 that if his Vanity was touch'd up with a Peal 
 or two, he would warrant them a Pair of 
 Pieces for the Complement. St. Lawrence's 
 Bells were at it in an inftant, and when the 
 Ringers came to pay their Refpedls to his 
 Honour, he order'd them three Guineas at the 
 Bar. The Landlord, when he was paying the 
 Money, was not a little proud of his own Fore- 
 fight, faying, Gentkmnny did not I tell you Jjovj it 
 •would bel 
 
 Dinner was ferved up, when the Vintner and 
 all his Servants were at their Stations, in clofe 
 and diligent Attendance upon the Company. 
 The Difcourfe tuni'd chiefly upon the niggardly 
 Difpofitions of fome, whom Fortune had fa- 
 vourM in the fame Manner, and the various 
 Humours and Tempers of Mankind : what un- 
 accountable Succefll'S attended on fome People, 
 and the Misfortunes that others were vilibly 
 deftin'd to. In the Evening, the Reckoning was 
 
 call'd 
 
 i (33 ) 
 
 call'd for, together with three or four peremp- 
 
 : tory Bottles : the Bill came to five Pounds 5 
 
 i the Mafler of the Feafi, perufing it, excepted to 
 
 \ one of the Articles, as being an exorbitant 
 
 I Charge J and as he faid, making a Property of 
 
 J Good-Nature. All the Company join'd with much 
 
 ; Warmth in the Complaint ; upon which, he 
 
 ! faid he would go down and give it the Landlord 
 
 in his Bar. VVhen he was got below Stairs, ia 
 
 a carelefs Manner, with a Pipe in his Mouth, 
 
 and without his Hat; he faunter'd about for a 
 
 ; Minute or two, and then found an Opportu- 
 
 to flip away, leaving the Reck'ning to be paid 
 
 by his Companions above ftairs.. The Mailer of 
 
 ; the Houfe had the m.ore reafon to be fiiock'd 
 
 when he heard of the Impofture, becaufe he 
 
 had not only paid the tiiree Guineas for the 
 
 Steeple-Mufick, but had lent him ten Guineas 
 
 i more out of his Pocket for pretended Exigen- 
 
 I cies. The Gentlemen could not afterwards 
 
 I , pafs througii rhc Ha!l without bcinsj infultcd; 
 
 ! one unlucky Rogue bawling out, IF/iat was the 
 
 J Reck'ning at the Tavern? and another anfwering, 
 
 I Five Pounds principal Money. 
 
 tWe have had inftances of Jurymen, who have 
 had their Pockets picked when they have been 
 fitting upon Trials of Life and Death ; and 
 whilft a Profec'Jtor has been qivin<i Evidence 
 i agamit one Rogue, another n^s at that very in- 
 
 ftant robb'd him of his Sau:i-Box and Hand- 
 kerchief. 
 I There are eight Seflions of Oyrr and Terminer 
 
 ! * and Jail-Delivery ulually holden in Louden in a 
 I Year, many of which, through the great Num- 
 
 ber of Prisoners try'd, continue four or five 
 Days fucceffively J during which time, the OW- 
 
 F Baihy 
 
( 34 ) 
 
 Baiky-Tard is crouded with an idle diforderly 
 Crew of Perfons of boch Sexes, who have no 
 other Bufinefs but to obftruft thofe who have 
 any unwlfh'd for Avocation to the Place — — — 
 In one Corner ftands a Circle, compos'd of, per- 
 haps, a Bakcr's-Boy, a Journeyman-Shoemaker, 
 a Buccher's-'Prenticc, and a Bailift's-Follower, 
 telling ho-w it was ; By what means ftuh a Robbsr 
 •was taken j IVIjo his Relations are ; One boafting 
 of laing his near Neighbour ; and another of an 
 intimate Acquaintance with him, Sec. In ano- 
 ther, a heap of Earthen-ware Women, with 
 Straw Hats, and their black and blue Eyes and 
 fwoln Faces, lamenting the Fate oi poor Bob, or 
 yemmy, hoping the L — d ivill deliver him out of 
 the Hands of his Adverfaries ; meaning the Laws 
 
 of his Country In a third, is a row of 
 
 Spittle-field IVeavers, with the Lice paffing in 
 Review over their Shoulders, before two or 
 three lazy Silver-button'd Alehoufe Fellows at 
 their Elbows ; near whom, are four or five old 
 Women, fliaking their Heads at the IVickednefs 
 (f the Times, and what a likely young Fellow pafs'd 
 jufl now to his Trial, wondering that Tonth wont 
 
 take warning, &c. A Yard farther, two or 
 
 three Grenadiers together, with a red-faced 
 Serjeant or Corporal of the Foot Guards, ready 
 to rap a Reputation for fome offending Brother. 
 Thefe, together with two or three Dozen of 
 Whores and Thieves from Rofemary-lane and 
 St. Giles's, and a Company of idle Sailors from 
 JVapping, refolve themfelves into Committees of 
 threes,fours,and fives,all over the Seffions-houfe- 
 yard, and there debate on the Fates and Cir- 
 cum.ftances of the Criminals, till the lateft Hour 
 of the Court's fitting, be the Seafon ever fo ri- 
 gorous, 
 
 ( 35 ) 
 
 gorous, or their Affairs at home ever fo prefTmg. 
 But fometimes, by the fudden and hafty turn- 
 ing in of a Coach, thefe Committees are all 
 fufpended, and fqueez'd up againft the Walls, 
 or elfe oftentimes, through their being a little 
 too verbofe and vociferous; the Court, by 
 their Officer upon the Leads, calls them to 
 Peace and Order. 
 
 Nor are the Taverns, Alehoufes, and Brandy- 
 fhops in the Neighbourhood lefs fiil'd with idle 
 Speftators: for, belides the Profecutors and 
 their Witneffes, (which muft neceffarily attend} 
 there are infinite Numbers of fVatch-makert, 
 Barbers, Poulterers, Engravers, and other Arti- 
 zans and Handicraft Tradefmen, who have no 
 other Bufinefs there, but to hearken to the 
 Stories of the Newgate Solicitors and their Com- 
 panions, and fo neglefting their Callings and 
 Families at home, fit tippling one half Pint after 
 another, till they become as fuddled as a Beef- 
 Eater at a Tavern on a Sunday Morning, and 
 go home mightily edified with the particulars 
 of a Trial for a Rape, or a Highway Robbery. 
 
 That Figure which the Sextons of Parifhes 
 has made in the World of late Years, is an evi- 
 dent Token of the flourifhing State of the IVor- 
 fhipful Corporation of Corps-jlealers. There feldom 
 pafles a Night, but we hear of fome Defunft 
 Plebeian eloping out of one Church-yard or o- 
 ther : nor are thofe of letter Blood more fecure, 
 for all their Bolts and Barricadoes. This felo- 
 nious Commodity, J am told, is fold by Weight, 
 and that the Purchafers generally conlider and 
 weigh well what they are about, before they 
 ftrike a Bargain. The Corpfe of a plain Milk- 
 Maid is faid to fetch ac leafl 7 d. in the Pound 
 F 2 more 
 
( 36 ) 
 
 more than that of a Coumefs ; and, notwith- 
 ftanding the higheft feeding and fattening, a 
 common Joiner's has had vaftly the preference 
 of a Major General's in the Market." But, 
 however, this CaUitig is liable to many Hazards 
 and Lofles as well as others, for oftentimes the 
 Dealers meet with Crcjfes, which they are 
 oblio'd, though very unwillingly, to l>ear on their 
 Backs. 
 
 I muft fay fomething to thofe People who 
 have introduced a kind of Fraud of late Years, 
 which now and then runs through the Town 
 like a Contagion : It is call*d A'uElioneering, or 
 vending various kinds of Goods by way of Cant 
 or Audiion. Soon after a Man of any Note has 
 obtained a Mors Janua Vita againft his Wife, 
 and publilh'd it over his Door, or a Woman 
 has done the fame thing by her Husband ; a 
 Gang of People, call'd BughunterSj take poflef- 
 fion of the Houfe, by difplaying their Standard, 
 a huge rotten Carpet, and wage War againft 
 ail the good Houfewivcs in the Town. Moor- 
 fields and Knaves -acre are drain'd of their Lum^ 
 ber, and fcarce a thirtieth Part of the deceafed 
 Perfon's real Furniture is on the Premifles. 
 Next, a News-paper proclaims the Goods of 
 Lady Good-fvr-r.othiiig lately deceafed^ to be fcid, 
 or rather given away to fuch as (hall take the 
 trouble to fetch them. All the thrifty Ladies 
 take the Hint, and away to the place of Audi- 
 onj the Orator, or Mouth of the Sale, fur rounded 
 by his Puffs and Setters, (hows away. One 
 Fellow is profeifing his Aftcnilhment at the low 
 Prices the things go at, while a Huffey drefs'd 
 out for the Day, is bidding againft a Woman 
 of Qjaality, with no intention to buy, but to 
 
 bring 
 
 (37) 
 
 bring up thofe that are come thither for no 
 other Purpofe to a Price far beyond the real 
 Value. A third Perfon in the fame Circum- 
 ftance pretends to raife a Dil'pnte, and rails 
 at the Rofirutn in behalf of the Company, as a 
 Difguife that he may either decoy or poftpone, 
 as occafion Ciall require. The Ladies return 
 home mightily pleafed and iatisfied with their 
 fine Penijyjjorths, and their Judgments are fure 
 to be admired by their IVomen, and every poor 
 defendant Cotifin. The Auftioneers and their 
 Setters retire to the next Tavern, where they 
 drink their Healths, and Join in a Chorus for 
 getting rid of their crazy Furniture, (JTc. fuch 
 that, perhaps, nothing but a Fire or an £xe- 
 cutkn befides could have moved out of their 
 Shops. 
 
 A Set of gay young Fellows, who have been 
 reduced by Play, and other common Accidents 
 of the Town, have difcover'd a Means of ob- 
 taining a Livelyhood within a Year paft, that 
 cannot but fail of meeting with the Approbation 
 of the ingenious Mr. Roger John/on : They drefs 
 exceeding well, and have a Chair attending 
 them every Evening to fuch Taverns and Cot- 
 fee-Houfes as they have pitch'd upon in the 
 Day, as moft proper for the execution of their 
 Defigns. They enquire for one another, and 
 People that they are fure not to meet with ; 
 and after taking out a fine Snufi'-Box, and dif- 
 playing a pretty Ring, with feveral other Airs, 
 call for a Pint of Win*", if it be in a Tavern ; 
 and for a Glafs of Arrack, be it in a Coffee- 
 Houfe, the Chairmen waiting the mean time 
 in the Paflage. After the Beau has turned 
 himfelf about in the Glafs, and asked a num- 
 
 ' ber 
 
 
(38 ) 
 
 ber of infignificant Queftions, he defires Change 
 for a Guinea, or perhaps fome other large Piece 
 of Gold, which he carelefsly throws upon the 
 Bar, and then leaps again towards the Glafs 
 or the Fire. Prefently the Bar-keeper cries 
 Laud, Sir, this is not a good one ! The Maa 
 or Woman is anfwer'd by a Volley of Oaths, 
 and the Words run vaftly high, till the 
 Chairmen, by peeping through the Windows, 
 perceive their Mafter has the worft of the Dif- 
 pute i and then come in bowing with their 
 Heads as crooked as Dolphins, to know if his 
 Honour has any Commands ? The Place is all 
 (ilent upon the appearance of the Fellows 
 with their Straps ; and a Cuftomer, in kind- 
 nefs to the Houfe, interferes in the Difpute, 
 and bids the Bar-keeper not be too rafli j for, 
 to Ije fure, the Miftake muft be in her : for, 
 that a Gentleman of fuch an Appearance, and 
 fo attended, muft certainly be in the right on*t. 
 The Fellow receives a good Piece for his bad 
 one, and not content with that alone, in- 
 fifts upon their publick acknowledging their £>'- 
 ror, and begging his Pardon for the Affront ; to 
 •which the People readily comply, and away he 
 is gone in his Chair, to ferve as many more 
 Houfes as he can in the fame manner. 
 
 There are at Icaft thirty People that I have 
 my Eye upon every Day who drefs in Pig-tail 
 Perriwigs and Velvet Breeches, and appear at 
 Plays and Operas, that have not a Shilling in 
 the World but what they get by thefe Prac- 
 tices. • 
 
 A fober Citizen, who had been yoked about 
 
 fourteen Years, and had feveral Children bv his 
 
 Wife, happened co have a Call to the Town 
 
 , cf 
 
 ; f 39) 
 
 of Northampton to tranfaft fome BuHnefs of 
 Importance to his Family. In the courfe of his 
 Life he had not exceeded the Bounds of 
 Htghgate or Greenwich, though fomp fa^. h» -"^^ 
 ventured to make the Tour of Epfom   how- 
 ever, be that as it will, the dreadful Day for 
 his Departure ,s come, his mi has been made 
 in due form and his Affairs entirely fettled 
 before he undertook fo tedious and hazardous 
 a Journey, Had the poor Creature been going 
 to Bahlon or Damafcus, the Wife could not havo 
 ihed more Tears, and fhewn more Grief than 
 Ihe did on the Occafion ; fhe fainted feveral 
 times, and the People, that were about her, had 
 much ado to keep Life in her; all Endeavours 
 to comfort her not availing, ihe remain'd in- 
 confolable telling them. It was fine lalkin^for 
 Me that had never felt the Pain of parting with 
 a Hushnd The laft tender parting kIts is 
 given an hundred times over, and her Tears 
 bring his Handkerchief out of his Pocket, in 
 deep Sorrow to leave his dear Bmy and his poor 
 Babes. In a Flood of briny Tears he is be-.^ 
 leeched not to fail writing by every Poft, and 
 every other Opportunity which Ihall offer : ihe 
 promifing faithfully not to omit doing the like 
 on her part. At laft he is mounted, and the 
 Eyes of the whole Family continue upon him 
 tiUhis Horfe and he are quite out of fi^ht 
 
 By that time he had reach'd the Town of 
 garnet, his Horfe chanced to fall lame, and him- 
 lelt was fo diforderd, having not rid for many 
 Itears before, that he found himfelf altogether 
 unable to proceed any further, and tlserefore 
 Waited till the Evening, when he got Pafl-agc 
 w a Loach that was coming from the North to 
 
 Loit- 
 
(40) 
 
 London. When he came into his Shop at abotic 
 Twelve at Night, the firft thing he met with 
 was his 'Prentice with his Pockets largely 
 fluffed out with Goods to the Value of Twenty 
 Pounds, which he was going to fell for his 
 own Benefit ; the Houfe-Maid and Nurfery- 
 Maid, with a jovial Company, had got an ele- 
 gant Supper before them with fome of his 
 beft Wines on the Table 5 the Journeyt^an 
 and his Cook he found upon a Pack in the 
 Warehoufe in the mod: tender Embraces. Next, 
 to his Wife's Chamber, that he found faft 
 lock'd on the Infide, and for all his kicking 
 and fvvearing for half an Hour together, he 
 could not find Admittance. Prefently the 
 Street was in an Uproar with the Cry of 
 "Thieves! Thieves! a good-fized Animal being 
 feen Aiding by a white Sheet down from the 
 Chamber-Window by a Watchman who had 
 laid hands on him ; and when he was brought 
 into the Houfe by a number of People with 
 only his Breeches and Shoes on, he appeared to 
 be an Attorney of Furnival's-Imt, who had been 
 conftantly employed in doing this Citiz^ens Btif.- 
 tiefsy and was now doing Biijlnefs for his Wife. 
 A young Gentleman, that had made his 
 Addrefles for a long time to the only Daugh- 
 ter of a Widow-Lady, and every one looking 
 upon the thing that it would one Day be a 
 Match, they were permitted 10 be together fre- 
 quently alone ; to which Opportunity he joined 
 thofe prefllng and prevailing Importunities, that 
 were too hard for a young innocent Creature 
 to withftand. In a word, fhe granted all that 
 was in her pov/er to give, and furrendred at 
 Difcrctioa the laft Favour. A Maid-Servanr, 
 
 who 
 
 ( 41 ) 
 
 • who had kept a watchful Eye upon the Con- 
 dud ot thele two Lovers, as knowing by Ex- 
 perience v/hac it was for a young Girl to bs 
 left alone wich a pretty Fellow, pecp'd chro* 
 a Key-Hole, and faw them very fairly go fans 
 Ceremm) to bed together. The Maid having 
 .now pretty well lecured her Game, fteals pri- 
 vately up to her old Mittrefs's Chamber, and 
 gave her an Account of the hopeful way her 
 young Lady was in. The old Lady caufes her 
 Brother, who lodg'd in the Houfe with her, 
 and was a refolute Sea-Officer, to be call'd 
 up, to give her his Advice and Afllftance in 
 fo nice and critical a ConjunBure. The Cap- 
 tain, as well as his Sifter, were warm'd with 
 the hi«;heft Refentment for fo horrid a Viola- 
 non of the Laws of Honour and Hofpitality ; 
 the one declared he would do the Bufinefs of 
 the Man, and the other was ref^ilv'd to turn 
 her Daughter out into the Street, altho' ic 
 vvas more than Midnight. In this Difpofition 
 they both came to Mifs's Chamber-Door, and 
 demanded Entrance. It may be eafy to imagine 
 what an Interruption this fudden and unex- 
 pcfted Accident gave to the Joys'of the amo- 
 rous Couple, and the Terror that it laid them 
 under. Tlie young Fellow begc'd his dear 
 Creature to recover her Surprize, to be direfted 
 by his Condua, and follow the Example he 
 jnould give herj which would extricate them 
 D.-^th out of the Difficulty, into which their rafh 
 Loves had involv'd them. Both leap'd out of 
 the Bed in their Shifts, and called out to the 
 AHailants on the other fide of the Chamber- 
 *^^;^or, he bidding them to offer no farther 
 l^ifturbance at their Peril, for that he would 
 
 G pro- 
 
( 42 )   
 
 proteft and defend his lawfui Wife to the laft 
 Extremity ; but that, if they had a mind to 
 enter civilly, and hearken to Reafon, he would 
 not give them the trouble cf breaking open 
 the Door. The Words la-uful Wife deeply af- 
 fefted rhe old Woman, who began to compofe 
 herfelf, upon hearing fo comfortable an Expref- 
 fion; her Paflion and Violence being abated, 
 Ihe cry'd Dear Molly, open the Door, 'tis none 
 J>ut jour Uncle and r/iy felf. As foon as they 
 enter 'd, both the young People went on their 
 Knees, and ask'd the old Lady Blefling ; (he 
 could give them no Anfwer till fhe had given 
 vent to her Tears, and then faid. She had not 
 f>eea fo unkind a Parent, hut that fhe might have 
 teen acquainted -with the Thing : kit, (ince it -was 
 dcne^ fhe w'.fijed them both -well together, and in- 
 treated them to return into Bed again ; for, that 
 fhe could not bear to fee them fland in that manner 
 in the Cold. The Uncle faluted hisiV/Vceand Ne- 
 ^phe-w, giving them his Compliments on their 
   Nuptials, and then retired with his Sifler. 
 The young Folks foon got to Bed again. The 
 Fellow lay till five in the Morning, and then 
 found an Opportunity to £;et out of the Houfe 
 before the Family was ftirring ; fo that when 
 the good old Lady arcfe, fhe faw no more 
 of her quondam Son-in-law. 
 . A Man who keeps an Half-Crown or Twelve- 
 penny Ordinary, looks not more for Money 
 from his Cuftomers, than a Fmrnan dees from 
 every Gueft that dines or lups with his 
 Mafter; and I quefticn wherher the. one does 
 not often think a Shilling or Half a Crown, 
 according to the Quali:y of the Perfon, his 
 Due as much as the other. I have feen a 
 
 de-. 
 
 f 43 ) 
 
 decay'd Gentleman of as antient and honou- 
 rable a Family as any in the Kingdom, fit in 
 great pam at a Perfon of Quality's Tabic for 
 want of Half a Crown in his Pocket to pay 
 the Butler and Footman for his Dinner. And 
 if a Perfon is known to fail in this refpedV, 
 the next time he comes to the Houfe, he is 
 fure to have the Look which a Court Table- 
 keeper beftov/s upon a hungry Poet or an Of- 
 ficer in Half-pay, who fhall be invited by any 
 Gentleman-Waiter to Dinner, fix'd on him all 
 the time he is eating. 
 
 People in the middle Station of Life muft 
 pay as regularly for their Admiffion to the 
 Perfons of the Great, as thofe do who enter 
 into beneficial Offices and Places. I have 
 been informed, that there is affix'd np in fe- 
 ,veral Ale-houfcs and other publick Places 
 where Servants reforc to at the other End of 
 the Town, a Lift or Table of Fees to be 
 taken by Noblemen's Porters, Footm-^, and 
 Valets de Chambre, for People's having Accefs 
 to their Matters, viz.. 
 
 For a Tradefman to be heard ^/. s. 
 viva voce, upon the Subjeft of a>o lo 
 large Debt of a long ftanding, 3 
 ^ For a. poor Clergyman lupplica-'> 
 ting a Chaplainlhip, or any other >o 5 
 Ecclefiaftical Preferment. 3 
 
 For a Poet to prefent a Dedication < 
 _ For a Mei'cer or Draper to ex-"> 
 hibit a choice cev/ Pattern, J 
 
 For a Perfon's obtaining the Pro- 
 mife of a Place. 
 
 d. 
 6 
 
 2 6 
 
 "o 2 
 
 ■}' 
 
 For 
 
(44 ) 
 
 •O lO 
 
 For every Tradefman's Bill that)/. 
 is fuffered to lie upon the Table for>6 
 my Lord and Lf.dy's Perufal. 3 
 
 For every paid-oft" Bill above Ten"? 
 Pounds y 
 
 If any Tradefman has been injurioufly 
 treated by the Steward or the Houfe-keeper, who 
 feldom ftand high in the Efteem of thefe lower 
 Domefticks, the Fees are then diipenfed with, 
 and they are a.dm\:ted gratis, or more properly 
 in forma Pauperis, becaufe the Complaint may 
 •prove of fuch a nature, as to bring about a 
 Change in the Miniftry of the Koule, and be 
 the Means of an infolent, haughty, over-bear- 
 ing Spirit being difmifs'd the Family, and Te 
 Deum fung in the Kitchen and the other lower 
 OiEccs for a Revolution above-flairs. 
 
 A Man ftone-blind may as foon atrempt to 
 view the Sun, as a Tradefman or a Pauper to 
 attempt the fight of a Great Man without pay- 
 ing the^above Dues ; for my Lord fhall at 
 one time be "very ill, and at another jiift gone 
 out : one Day he is indfpofed, and refled badly^ 
 and another Day ketter, but fees m Compa/iy ; 
 and have thefe conftant regular Incermiflions 
 of SiJiiiefs and Health for three or four Months 
 together. ' , 
 
 Sometimes Credit has indeed been given in 
 thefe Cafes, but then they have known, and 
 been pretty fure of their Men. A Gentleman, 
 who had many times met with thefe Put-vffs at 
 the Door of a Nobleman, came one day to the 
 Porter with two Half-Crown Pieces, chinking 
 them from one Hand to the other, upon which 
 his Lordlhip happened to be at home. Having, 
 got his Pafs to him, and done his Bufinefs, he 
 
 re- 
 
 ( 45 ) 
 
 return'd thro* the Hall with the Money in his 
 Pocket, fmilihg upon the Porter, who he had 
 thus decently deceiv'd. 
 
 A Widow, who had once fold a Fan of Half 
 a Guinea Price to a Perfon of Quality, the Por- 
 ter refufed to let her go out of the Door with- 
 out paying her Fee, and kept her in durance. 
 She defired to know his Demands ; he told her, 
 a Shilling : Upon this, fliegave him a Crown, 
 bidding him give her Change, which lie did. Ic 
 happen'd to be a Brafs Piece, which he roc per- 
 ceiving, the Woman got out in hafte, to avoid 
 being detedled ; but when fne came to look 
 on her Money, (he found the Fellow had given 
 her four Leaden Shillings in the change of ic. 
 
 The Duties of Tonnage and Poundage, which 
 the Upper Servants, as they call themfelves, have 
 impofed upon Tradefmen who ferve the Fa- 
 milies that entertain them, are very far from 
 being thought fufficient and fatisfadlory. For 
 befides a Butcher, Poulterer, or Fiflimonger's 
 being at the conftant beck of the Clerk to a 
 Kitchin, or the Groom of a Chamber, to fol- 
 low him to a Tavern in the Morning, and bring 
 foniething that's pretty, to compgfe a Breakfaft 
 for two or three hungry Fellows out of Bu- 
 finefs, as he (hall have in his Company, they 
 muft, I fay, moreover learn the Arc of Brew- 
 ing, and keep conftantly a Cup of g09d nappy 
 Ale in their Houfes, to entertain the Cock, and 
 all the other Gentry of the Kitchen, when they 
 fliall pleafe to make a Vifit. A Tradefman 
 muft lend his Money, pafs his Word, ftand Bail 
 for Arrefts, and Spoftfor at Chriftenings, and 
 now and then be a Surety to the Parilh for a 
 Baftard Child. He njuft do all this, and a great 
 
 deal 
 
(46 ) 
 
 deal more or el fe every thing he furni/hes {ball 
 be found fault with : They ftall tdll him what 
 application has been made by others for the 
 Cultom what pains they have taken to defeat 
 It, and how often they are forc'd to ftabd in 
 the Gap for him when his Goods have been 
 complain d of, and his Diicharge aftually or- 
 
 A Coachmaker once affured me, that he fel- 
 dom made a Coach or Chariot for any Per- 
 lon of great Quality, but that what with the 
 chief of the Men-fervants running after him- 
 lelt, and the vVomen-fervants after his Wife 
 he^as been put to fuch an Expence, as would 
 have fairly bought a pair of Horfes to have 
 drawn the Equipage. 
 
 As fnany of our News-Papers are charged 
 with playing TJ/.ii with the Publick, I fhall 
 make bold to mention a few of them ; and thev 
 are chiefly thefe, Fal/!ty, Abfurdity, and rX 
 fi'ng.y^t are frequently amufed with the Lives 
 and^Elmsoi Perfons that were never lorn. 
 and with the Death of thofe that never liv'd I 
 and large Eftates devis'd by People that never 
 fo w do °^ indeed ever claim'd any Right 
 
 An Author, in the Mor»wg, gives us an Ac- 
 count of the Death of a Perfon of Note and 
 tmmence, whofe Condition hath entitled' him 
 to a Place in his Paper ; he tells us the Place. 
 IJay, Hour, and the Minute he expir'd, with 
 a long detail of the Fortune and Merit he was 
 poflefled of. A Writer for the Eveni«, enters 
 his Caveat againft fome Particulars of the FaB, 
 and declares his Brother hath had an ill InfoA 
 matm; for that the Party did not depart at 
 
 the 
 
 ( 47 ) 
 
 the Time mention'd in his Paper, and chat hlm- 
 felf only is in pofleffion of the truth; and avers, 
 that it happen'd above half an Hour after thac 
 Time, and at a different Place than what the 
 other has reported it. The next Day a Third 
 ftarcs up, with a grievous Complaint of the 
 Town's being impos'd upon, and triumphs in a 
 more genuine and e.xaft Account than either of 
 *em^ He infills upon it, that he did not fairly 
 leave the World till full fourteen Minutes and 
 fifty nine Seconds after the time both the o- 
 thers have brought it down to ; and moreover 
 maintains, that the Demife in difpute happen'd 
 at a Seat in the Country, and not at an Houfc 
 in the Town, as has teen faljly piLblifi'd in the 
 other Papers. 
 
 They are now all together by the ears a- 
 bout fettling of the Wtll, and difpofing of the 
 EJiate. After a great deal of wrangling upon 
 thofe Heads, they begin to confider that the 
 Corpfe mull have Chriftian Burial ; they turn 
 their Thoughts to that Point, and begin to fet- 
 tle die Funeral. One Author is for its lying in 
 State ; another will not come into ic, but de- 
 clares for a private Interment. At laft a Writer 
 buries it in a mofl magnificent manner, in a Church 
 fome Miles diftant from London ; and his Anta- 
 gonifl: performs the Funeral at another Church 
 fifty Miles farther than that, and in a more 
 decent -way. Next a Paper gives us the Names 
 of thofe that fupported the Pall, toge-thcr with 
 who was the d^ief Mourner. This is fo pro- 
 voking to him who rf^uld not lay hold on this 
 Intelligence in time, that he is refolv'd to beeven 
 with his Rival ; fo that the next News we hear, 
 are the Heads of the Sermon that wa? preacl/d 
 at the Funeral. Ths 
 
(4-8) 
 
 The Friends and Acquaintance of the De~ 
 ceat'd, that may be remote from the Town, and 
 have nothing elfe to govern them but thefe Ad- 
 '^kesy beheve the main of them ; and notwith- 
 ilanding their Perplexities and Variation, all 
 credit the Dsath of their old Friend, and be^^in 
 to defcant on the Aftions of his Life, fome con- 
 jefturing what he muft have died v:orth, and 
 what a Man he might have been, was it not 
 for fuch a Failing j and others, how long they 
 had remembred and been acquainted with him, 
 tXc. 
 
 When the Story has gone this length, and 
 begins to be old, and almoft obliterated, the 
 News- Paper that was moft forward in puWifli- 
 ing it, to the aftonifhment of all Mankind, cries 
 out peccavi, and confefles how he was impofed 
 «» ; acknowledges h's Sorroxu and Contrition, and 
 heartily begs Pardon of the Ptdlick, and the Perfon, 
 whom he now maintains to be alive, and in 
 good health ; and fays, that the Report of his Death, 
 as puhliflj'd in his, and other Papers, is entire- 
 ly falfe, gfctmdlefs, and -without any manner of 
 Foundation. 
 
 There have been lnftanc?s of Women who 
 hive been frighten*d yato Mifarriages, and fome 
 even to Death, at the unexpefted Villts of their 
 Friends, (whom, upon the Credit of the Papers) 
 they have verily believed to have been as really . 
 dead as their great Grandmotliers were. A 
 Lady of Quality, that is become fuperannuated, 
 is not to confine herfelf to Books of Devotion 
 alone ; People are not born for themfelves on- 
 ly » no, no, as ancient as ih? is, file muft yet 
 do fome Service to the Society. Says an Au- 
 thor, what, ShaIUvrC7)vzcf fancy hcrfclfas hail 
 2 ac 
 
 { 49 ) 
 
 at Fourfcore as fhe was at Forty ? According- 
 ly, he lends her his Hand, and fhe is led very 
 dangeroujly ill into his Paper. The next Morn- 
 ing he is obliged to retraft it, and fo the Pub- 
 lick are Gainers two Paragraphs bv it. 
 
 Nor (hall a Lord Spiritual or 'temporal, that 
 has attain'd his Grand Climad^encal Year, and 
 yet remains in a good ftate of Mind and Body, lie 
 idle, but muft occalionally be extremely ill, at- 
 tended byfuiidry Phyficians, and given over ; when 
 a Dearth of Tales and Tidings fhall caufe a 
 Chafm in the Paper. The Perfons fo men- . 
 tion'd, read thefe Relations themfelves, and of- 
 tentimes with much pleafure, becaufe they re- 
 ceive a real Benefit by 'em : for they divert the 
 Spleen and Vapours, natural to old Age, and 
 fo_ prove a happy Means of preferving them 
 alive, much longer than fome People perhaps 
 may care for, 
 
 A noble Lord, in a high Station, that is pret- 
 ty far advanced in Years, never rifes from his 
 Bed, but asks, Atn 1 in the Papers ? For it has 
 been an Obfervation made by moft People, that 
 his Name has been made ufe of for being great- 
 ly indispos'd i finely mended; dangeroufty relapsed; 
 in a fair z)ay of Recovery ; going to, and returning 
 from the Country; and being fent for by Esprejfes 
 to ajfip at Councils, that have not been held, and 
 ^ Boards that have not met, on Bttftnefs of great 
 Importance, conftantly de Die in Diem, in one 
 Paper or other, for feveral years together. 
 
 A Man may better venture to take a Purfe 
 from a Merchant open Change, than a Judge to • 
 take an airing in his Coach, without being ta- 
 ken into Cujiody of a News- Writer for it. I 
 have known them give fuch minute Account*: 
 
 H of 
 
»>*«*i*«ii»alSi»ll»T«>r,*; 
 
 (50) 
 
 iof the times of the Judges fett'tng out for this 
 Place and from that Place in their private Ca- 
 . pacifies, that fome of them have aftually fuf- 
 pended their Journeys, to prevent Highway^ 
 mens taking the Hint, and lying in ambuih for 
 them on the Roads. 
 
 I am told of a certain Great Man who hath 
 been moft grofly affronted and vilify'd by «y- 
 tain Papers from Week to Week, Month to 
 Month, and from Year to Year, for a very long 
 Series of Time ; and who hath publickly de- 
 clar*d, that nothing fhall provoke him to de- 
 part from a Maxim which he has long laidj 
 down, "VIZ,. That *tis better one Man be perpetuallj 
 chus'ii^ than Thotifands ^erijh. 
 
 About Michae-mas, an Author has told us 
 in Prii:t^ he was ajfured that Chrifimas-Day wculd 
 le «a the z^th of December following. If the 
 Man has not been ftarv'd before the time, but 
 furviv'd to St. Stephens Day, and feen his won- 
 derfal Prediction happen and come to pafs ,* 'tis 
 pleafant to obferve, how he glories and ex- 
 ults in his next Paper, telling us. It is agree- 
 alU to -xhat -was formerly publifFd in his, and in 
 TO ether Paper; and fets a high value on his 
 Juigment for anticipating his Brethren, the 0- 
 . tber Writers, who look like Fools at one ano- 
 ther, to fee themfelves thus jockey *d out of fo 
 Tem^hihle a piece of Intelligence. 
 
 One Day we are told of a Preform of the Ar- 
 WT, ard the next of a Promotion of General Of-r 
 f:srs. *Tis merry enough to fee a Colonel of 
 a_Reg:ment in a Coffee-Houfe, reading a 
 Kews-Paper, that informs him of a Gentle- 
 rr^aa being made Lieutenant-Colonel to a Cotnr 
 faq ^ Kot J and of a General of liorfe being 
 I protnotedl 
 
 (Sx) 
 
 promoted to the Rank of Captain-Lieutenant In 
 his own Regiment ; of which the Papers extanc 
 have afforded us numberlefs Inftances. We 
 often read of fome Duke, who is called eldeft 
 Son and Heir apparent to a Vifount or Baron ^ 
 going to, or returning from his Travels. 
 
 A dignify 'd Clergyman, who had given a few- 
 Sacks of Coals amongft fome poor People in 
 hard Weather, happen'd to come into Brown's 
 Goflee-Houfe in Spring-Garden, where fome of 
 the, Gentlemen cry'd out, Do£ior, you're in the 
 Papers. The Gentleman feem'd to be greatly 
 furprized at the thing : fj/hat impudent Rafal 
 has made free with my CharaSier ? anfwers the 
 Prieft. Upon which one, with an audible Voice, 
 read out the Paragraph, which contained no- 
 thing more than a fine Encomium on his Cha- 
 ^ity* ,The Doctor faid, indeed there was fome 
 Truth in it ; but then, how impertinent it was in 
 any Fellow to r,mke fuch a trifling Affair the Bur- 
 den of his Paper. This gave occafion for va- 
 rious Reflexions on the Papers in general. The 
 Printer happen'd to be prefent, and heard him- 
 lelf, and ochers of his Fraternity abufed, in this 
 manner for fome time. Several Gentlemen that 
 were his Acquaintance, thought it far better 
 to be fUent, than to interfere in his favour, 
 becaufe that might tend to expofe him to the 
 Doftor's farther Clamour and Refentmenr.' 
 After the Divine had harangued the Company 
 with a long Difcourfe upon the Infolence of Au- 
 thors, Printers, and PubliOiers j the Printur 
 pull d out of his Pocket the Copy from which 
 this injurious Article had been printed, and which 
 appear d, to the entire Satisfadioii of every one 
 prefent, to be the Dolor's own Hand-Wri- 
 H a ting. 
 
(32 ) 
 
 ting. iThe Printer further declar'd, that he 
 knew no more of the matter, than that his Ser- 
 vants, in his abfence, receiv'd the ufual Price 
 of three Shillings and Sixpence, for its being in- 
 ferted in his Paper. 
 
 The Tricks which have been put upon the 
 weak and credulous part of Mankind during the 
 Drawing of the late State-Lottery by letting out 
 what were called Horfes and Chances to Women 
 and Children, are wonderful. There was a Gen- 
 tlewoman, not far from St. DK«/?rt»'s Church in 
 Fleet-Street, who having the Misfortune to fall 
 in with the Opinion of many, that the Tickets 
 vould ftill come down to Par, had therefore 
 ' neglcded to provide herfelf till the Premiums 
 were got fo high that fiie chofe rather than 
 
   purchafe a Ticket, to put herfelf in Fortune's 
 U-^ay by Riding. Being recommended to the 
 
   honefieft Broker in the AUey, fhe got mounted 
 upon a very odd Numler, and one which had 
 been fuccefsful in a former Lottery. She grew 
 more familiar with Morning and Evening 
 Prayers than ever. One day fhe failed, ano- 
 ther day feafled, and when a fturdy IJeggar 
 ask'd her Afliftance, they were not put oft with 
 Tuu're able to woik., but were fure of Relief. 
 Her Maids were treated as though they had 
 been her nearell Relations, and her Children 
 could do nothing to rufHe her Temper. In a 
 word, (lie declared for nothing but Ads of 
 Charity and Piety, and never had fuch a 
 Harmony been feen before in the Family. If 
 anyone knocked at the Door in hafte, (he grew 
 pale, .ind was all over in a Trembling, expeft- 
 ing it to be the joyful News ; and, . by way of 
 Pirecaution, fhe had fpoke to a Surgeon to be 
 
 leady 
 
 ( S3 ) 
 
 ready upon a fliorc Notice, becaufe flie ift- 
 tended to lofe a few Ounces ^ to prevent the Con- 
 fequence of a Surpriz^e. She kept de die in 
 diem renewing her Ticket, upon the Infor- 
 ■mation of a little blind Office whither the 
 Broker carried her, that ic remain'd undrawn. 
 Three Weeks paft, and flie could hear no Tales 
 or Tidings of either of the Ten Thoufands, not- 
 withftanding the many thoufand good things 
 fhe vow'd to do, if Madam Fortune would 
 but for once vouchfafe to become her humble 
 Servant; refolving not to be difcouraged, be- 
 caufe her Dreams ftill aifured that there was 
 fome good thing in ftore for her in the Wheel. 
 She continued renewing her Ticket till the laft 
 Week of the Drawing, when being advifed to 
 confult the Regifter at the Lottery-Office in 
 IVhitehaE, fhe had the forrowful Satisfaftioii 
 to find how fhe had been abufed, the Ticket 
 which fhe had hired for thirty- two Days ac 
 the different Prices the Ibrfes bore, having 
 been drawn a Blank the fecond day of the 
 Lottery. 
 
 A little Lottery of aS Priz.es and no Blank./, 
 for difpnfing of a few Trifles, being put up 
 by a Tradefman in the City, the higheft Prize 
 was a Pint Silver Mug : any one might become 
 an Adventurer for S'.x-pencc, and the Adven- 
 turers were to put their Hands in the Glafs, 
 and draw the Tickets themfeives. A Snarpcr 
 having got amongft the Croud, contrived a 
 Ticket like thofe in the Glafs, ard wn te 
 upon ijc a Pint Silver Mag, and then dextroufly 
 concealing ic in the Palm of his Hand, put in 
 to draw the Lot : the Ticket being opened, the 
 Mafter of the Lottery called him all the vile 
 
 . cheat- 
 
( S4 ) 
 
 icHeatrng Rogues, faying, he woutd go befor: d 
 Magiftrace, and make Oath, that the Prize of 
 the Silver Mug had never been put into the 
 Oiafs. 
 
 There are many Perfons fubfifted merely 
 by frequenting the moft noted Ordinaries and 
 Eating- Hoiifes where the fecond-hand fort of 
 <3entlemen refort ; and there, when they find 
 a better Sword, Hat or Cane, than their own 
 XLl leifure, make no fcruple to bring them 
 away, and are oftentimes fo ungenerous as not 
 to leave their old ones in lieu of them. The 
 Perfons who fall into this Way of Life, I have 
 obferved, are for the moft part of pretty vo- 
 luble Tongues, and are generally well verfed 
 in the Politicks and Hiftories of their own 
 Times, fo as to be able to harangue a Com- 
 •pany into a good opinion of their Parts and 
 Capacity ; fo that when they . are taking Leave, 
 •to go away, the Company may not regard the 
 Pegs on which thofe Mo\xables hang. They alfo 
 appear decently drefs'd, fo as to avoid being 
 fufpefted of making a "Trade inftead of a Mif- 
 takt when they are detedled in thefe Pradtices. 
 I have known a large Number of People, af- 
 ter they have heartily filled their Bellies with 
 Beef and Pudding, do notable Services to their 
 Country i two or three" liave rfiade Reprifals 
 upon the Spanijh Guard la Co(la*s in the IVeJl- 
 Jndies. Others hav^ reduced the Army, and 
 added to the Sinking-Fund. Some have made 
 a fafe and honourable Peace, and brought us 
 all to rights at laft; and after all this Merit, . 
 be rewarded with the lofs of their Hats, Canes 
 and Swords, and be forced to march out of a 
 Cook's Shop like a Garrifon tHat has fur- 
 •   rendrei 
 
 (55) 
 
 rendred Prifoners at Difcretion, when fome of 
 the Gentlemen of this Profejfton have beea 
 amongft them. 
 
 A Gentleman-like Perfon being on a Chrifi" 
 mas-Day taking a Walk in Qtieen-Sqiiare near 
 Ormond-Smet, and obferving a handfome Table 
 decked out with the beft Damask Linnen, and 
 a Side-Board richly cover 'd with Plate, &c. he 
 concluded that an elegocit Dinner mufl not be 
 very diftanc from thofe Preparations. Imme- 
 diately a Coach, containing two Ladies and a 
 Gentleman, ftopc at the Door : with an Air of 
 Vivacity he fteps forward, and aflifts the Ladies 
 in co.ming out of the Coach, and after the mu- 
 tual Civilities, they all enter the Houfe toge- 
 ther, and are received and conduced by the 
 Gentleman of the Family into the Dining- 
 , Room ; his Lady, Sifters, Daughters, and 
 Nieces are falured by the Gentlemen in the 
 ufual manner. Dinner is called, and ferved 
 up ; and the Stranger calls about him for 
 Water, Wine, and every thing he wanted, as 
 though he had been intimately acquainted with 
 the Table. From the Difcourfe which pafled, 
 he became Mafter of every one's Name pre- 
 fent, and made ufe of them on proper Oc- 
 cafionsj and then by a fliort Story relating to 
 a Rencounter, which he faid he was engaged 
 in at Paris, the Company laid hold of his 
 Name likev/ife, and every one became jo- 
 cofe, free, and obliging to each other. When 
 he was called upon for his Toaft, he named 
 the moft celebrated Beauties of the Age, and 
 the Healths of fuch Gentlemen as he found 
 vrere agreeable to the Ladies. In a word, he 
 acQuitted himfelf as became a Man of Mode, 
 
 and 
 
( S6 ) 
 
 and oQe who Icept the bed Company. Towards 
 the Evening the Converfation breaks up, and 
 the Gentlemen with the two Ladies take Leave, 
 after a great many Comphments for their 
 Entertainment; and the ftrange Gentleman 
 having helped to conduft the Ladies into their 
 Coach in the fame manner as he had handed 
 them out of it, they in Civility defire to fet 
 "him down, which he accepted of, and they 
 heard no more of him till they went agam 
 to dine at their Friend's Houfe in Q.'i^en s- 
 Square, vh6n the Gentleman of the Houfe 
 and all the Ladies roundly rallied them for 
 not bringing their Friend, the well-bred Mr. 
 
 . wi'th them to Dinner. They were 
 
 more furprized, as fuppofing him to have 
 been an Intimate of the Family's, and had 
 not feen him before the time he had im- 
 pofed himfelf upon all the Company for a 
 
 A certain fmall Portion of the People ob- 
 tain Food ar.d Raiment by plying clofely the 
 Avenues that lead into 3>. ^a?r:e5's Park, and 
 the other privileged Places wichin the Verge 
 of the Court; they appear like Porters and 
 Chairmen, and fome like Operators for the 
 Feet; and have had fach Experience m their 
 Bufinefs, and are fo well skill'd in Phyhog- 
 nomy, that they knoiv su iujl'heut Perfcit upon 
 the firft Hght. The fevere Ufage his Apparel 
 has met with from the Briflks, or elfe his con- 
 fcious Countenance in .the fhy and fufpicious 
 Look he cafts over his Shoulder upon every 
 one he hears treading behind him, are the in- 
 fallible Tokens by which they form tneir J.iog- 
 ' tficnt. Having picch'd upon their Man, tn^y 
 
 ( 57 ) 
 
 purfue him at a proper Diftance, till they SrA 
 an Opportunity to Ipeak with him .nlone, nnd 
 then tell him a Perfon has hired them to watch 
 diligently the Route he fhall take for thac 
 Day, and upon giving notice thereof, they are 
 to be rewarded; but that, being an unfortu- 
 nate Man himfelf, and owing much Mcney, 
 he would not for his Right-hand fet a Gentle- 
 man into the hands of a Bailift". The InFor- 
 mation carrying fnch an honeft Face with it, 
 cannot fail of being received with due Gra- 
 titude. The Infolvent is now obliged to look 
 to himfelf, and infiead of ftealing to Ckeljea 
 or Kenjingtcn for a little Air, is forced to con- 
 fine himfelf to bad Punch and worfe Wine at 
 fome blind Hedge Coftee-houfe or Tavern 
 within the Verge of the Court. The Rafcal 
 by whom he has thus been impudently im- 
 
 Eofed upon and terrihrd, never meets him 
 ut begs a Shilling or Six-pence ; and having 
 brought, perhaps, a dt:zen unfortunate Gcntk- 
 wen more under the lame Apprehenlions, makes 
 a comfortable Livclyhood of thc-m. 
 
 Sometimes they are really employed by the 
 Bailiffs to keep a Look-out upoa a Gentle- 
 man that is appointed to be unharbcured ; 
 then they betray their Mafters by giving him 
 timely Notice of what is intended, and fo get 
 more by the Difcovery than the QfEcer would 
 have done by executing the Writ. 
 
 A Gentleman had cnce taken Sarduary in 
 the Verge, but fuch preffirg Imporcunicies 
 were made to tlic Green-Chth, that he was 
 left to the Mercy of his Creditors, if they 
 could get him into their Power : As his Debts 
 .Vere large, fo large Rewards were offered to 
 
 I any 
 
t58) 
 
 any Officer who (hould undertake his Repr'i- 
 zal. A Bailiff for the Sum of Twenty Gui- 
 neas at laft undertook the Job. The Infolvenc 
 confined himfelf clofe to his Chamber, and 
 had all his Eatables drefled at a Tavern: 
 Having one Night ordered an elegant Supper 
 for a 'few Ladies ac his Lodgings, the Bailifts 
 got Intelligence of the Hour ic wa^s directed 
 to be ready; and having cquipp'd himfelf 
 with a black Callimanco-Waiftcoat and Nap- 
 kin-Cap like a Cook, and his two Followers 
 like Drawers, and furnilh'd themfelves with 
 cover'd Dlfhcs, Plates, and every thing necef- 
 fary for Eating: A few Minutes before the 
 • time appointed they were all admitted into 
 the Chamber, the Ladies were all in a Hurry 
 to gee themfelves feated, crying Supper was 
 cume ; but the Gentleman perceiving the Cheat, 
 was for taking to his Piftols, but they fecured 
 and brought him off Prifoner to the County- 
 Jayl immediately. 
 
 A Foreigner of Diftinftion, who had for- 
 merly made the Tour of England^ and during 
 his Stay, had contrafted very large Debts with 
 feveral Trades-People, happened a few Months 
 fince to return to London : he chofe to lodge 
 privately, and feldom appeared abroad ; bur, 
 having purchafed feme Tickets in the State- 
 Lottery, and entered tiiem at an Office in the 
 City for an Account of their Succefs to be 
 tranfmitted to him ; hJs Creditors go: know- 
 ledge of his Arrival, and the Place of his A- 
 bode. Ore Morning, when he was in a Dif- 
 hal-iSJ, and playing 'wich his Dug, a Sherift s 
 . Officer fans Ceremo-.ie entered the Room,^ and 
 taking a Wnc out of his Pocket, ihew'd it to 
 • I the 
 
 ( 59 ) 
 
 the County telling him, be aneflei him in an 
 Action for Five Hundred Pounds. The Foreigner 
 underftanding but very little F.nglif/:^ fell to 
 hugging the Bailiff in his Arms, and thruft 
 eight Guineas into his Hand as a Reward, 
 thinking he had brought him the News of a 
 Five Hundred Pound Prize in the Lottery; and 
 then capered about the Room hkc a Dancing- 
 Mafter, calling in French to his Valet and In- 
 terpreter^ who were in an adjacent Room, to 
 come to partake of his Joy, By this time 
 three dirty Ruffians like Street-Robbers were 
 at the Chamber-door, and the whole Houfe 
 in an Uproar. The Count was foon convinced 
 of his Error, and obliged to find Bail to the 
 Adion J and there being none in the Room 
 but the BaiHff and himfelf when the Writ was 
 executed, the Rafcal abfolutely denied the Pre- 
 fent of Eight Guineas, and got three more tor 
 his Cvility, in not carrying him out of the 
 Houfe. 
 
 A noted Town-Sharper being in Comp.^ny 
 with others of his Acquaintance, and tolling 
 about his Purfe with Fifcy Guineas in it, fwore 
 he muft make them an Hundred between Sun 
 and Sun, or elfe he muft be liable to an Ar- 
 reft, and go to Juyl for the Money. He went 
 toils Lodgings in IVcfiminfi^r, and taking off" 
 his Coat and Neckcloth, put on his Night- 
 Gown, and (luck a Pen under his Perriwig, 
 and laying afide his Hat, ordered a Hackney- 
 Coach to be called to the Door ; his Order 
 Was to be fee down at Stocks-Market, from 
 thence he walked into a Banker's Shop in Lom- 
 lard-Strect, and pointing towards one of the 
 neighbouring Lanes, fa id, there was an old 
 I a whim- 
 
{ 60 ) 
 
 WhimiicalLady at his Shop jufl come to Town; 
 who had required him to get her fifty of 
 Qtieea Anne's Guineas in Change of others to 
 carry heme wich her into the Country ; and 
 tliat, being an extraordinary good Cufl-omer, 
 he could not fail obliging her. The Banker's 
 Servant anfwered, they had, no doubt, a good 
 niimber of them, but it would give him a 
 great deal of Trouble to tumble over the Ca(h 
 to find *em. Upon this the Sharper threw 
 him down three Half-Crowns as a Gratuity, 
 and then feveral Bags of Gold opened their 
 Mourhs upon the Compter : while the Servant 
 was bufy in locking tiiem out, the other was 
 as bufy to aflift him, and every Minute was 
 darting his Hand upon the Heaps, crying, 
 Here's cm: ihire's atioiher, &c. and by the help 
 of feme V/ax in the hollow of his Hand, he 
 drev/ awr.y feveral Guineas every time, which 
 he convened into a Handkerchief he held in 
 his Lefc-hand. When the Number was com- 
 pleated, thty parted, with much Ccmplaifance 
 on each fide : but when the Banker came the 
 next Morning to fettle the Account of his Cafh, 
 he found in his Gvld a Deficiency of Sixty 
 Cuim.is. 
 
 A n-.oft fatyrical Pamphlet againft fome Per- 
 fons in Power, having been ufhered into the 
 World by an unknown Hand, and being wrote 
 wich much Spirit and Vehemence, the Thing 
 had a prodigious Run upon the Town, fo that 
 the Profits arifing from the Sale were very 
 confiderable. A Bockfeller in the City, who 
 happened to be the Proprietor of this Im^y 
 7/i>, • being . at his Shop-dcor one Evening, a 
 jDemleman pretty humbly habited accofled him, 
 
 and 
 
 . ( 6> ) 
 
 afid defired leave to exhibit to him a Copy upon 
 a curious Subject, which, he faid, was his own 
 performance, and which he believed wou'J do ; 
 he told him of what Univerfity he was, and by 
 what Means his Merit had mifs'd of it's Re- 
 ward : He was going to apologize for the mean- 
 Oefs of his Apparel, when the Bockfeller inter- 
 rupted him wich a great Oath, and poinced to 
 a Warehoufe of Wafte-Paper, which he faid 
 was, to his forrow, the Produflion of Beaus 
 and Blockheads of Quality ; adding, it was a 
 Maxim held by the whole Trade, chat a had 
 Coat always betoken d a good Poet ; and that if he 
 approv'd of his Work, his Drefs Ihould be no 
 Obftacle to a Bargain : but that withal he 
 feem'd to be Matter of too much Modefty, he 
 fear'd, to undertake the Bufinefs of his Shop ; 
 but if he turn'd out otherwife, and had any 
 tolerable hand at Defamation, he had a Fifth 
 ■Floor, wich other Favours at his Service- The 
 Shopkeeper faid it was not cuftomary to treat 
 of thefe Matters at home, and having carried 
 him to his Tavern, he enquir'd the Hour o£ 
 the Poet's Apperice. A Boctie, wich a mon- 
 ftrous Beef-Srake, were foon upon the Table. 
 They now come co Bufinefs ; the Bockfeller was 
 ask'd. If he -was a Man of Honour, and could keep 
 a Secret ? No Man, he thank'd God, could fay o- 
 therwife, for that he always endeavotir'd to pre- 
 ferve the Character of as honejl a Man as the Trade 
 and Bufinefs •w'uild admit of The Poet then 
 alfur'd him, he was thc.ieal Author of chat fe- 
 vere Pamphlet againft the M — n — ry, which 
 had made fuchanoife in the World. The Book- 
 feller had noc been acquainced wich Books a- 
 lone, he knew fomeching of Men alfo, and had 
 
 therefore 
 
{ 62 ) 
 
 therefore the Prefence of Mind to conceal'; I;;? 
 Surprize at the monftrous Impudence of the 
 Fellow ; and giving him a faft fqueeze by the 
 Hand, fays, 5//-, yonre my Man : and being wil- 
 ling to have feme other Witnefs of this extra- 
 ordinary Event, faid, Tiien I mu0 let you into 
 another Secret; and gave him to underfiand 
   that there was a private Contraft between him 
 and another Bookfeller in the fame Sceet, by 
 which both their Interefts were fo confolidated, 
 that the one durft not engrofs or monopolize to 
 himfelf any Copy or Author, without the 
 Knowledge and Confent of the other ; and fo 
 defired he would give leave for his Partner to 
 be feht for, which was readily comply 'u with. 
 The poor Man had now two upon hishandb-; 
 the Bottle went briskly about, and the more 
 merry, the more unmerciful they grew, un 'hs 
 Room was foon fiil'd with more B(.o;<:'c-iiers, 
 Printers, and Scationers, to lee this ?.-odiqy of 
 Wit and Satyr : who were all recommendied to 
 him as Friends, and lVell-T^-:Jbcrs to the Qiufe. 
 He became more unguarded, til! ac lafc they 
 extorted from him the Profits accruing by the 
 ■ingeaious Pamphlet, for the writing of which, 
 he had (tz fo high a Vnlue upon himfclf. He 
 ■was very pa'rticuiar aud prolix on that Head, 
 and (o foo'.; as he had ended his Relation, the 
 firft Bockfei.'er produced, before all the Com- 
 pany, a Receipt, under the Hand of the true 
 Author, for the Money he had paid him for 
 the Cop3'. 
 
 L E T T   E R 
 
   O N T H E 
 
 Nature and State 
 
 CURIOSITY 
 
 As at prefent with us : 
 
 Together with the R e a s o n s and Cav^zs of 
 our not having it in higher Efteem, and of its 
 being in general fo little regarded. 
 
 Firft treating of '     
 
 Luxury and the Ufe of Riches; 
 
 And then of the 
 
 Knowledge and Ufe of Matters of 
 Curiosity in particular: 
 
 'AS, 
 
 BusTo's <zxiBRAss 
 
 m 
 
 ^ 
 
 Drawings, 
 Paintings, 
 Print s,- 
 
 Statue-S, 
 
 Figures, 
 
 EnCR AVI N'GS, 
 
 PreciousVases, 
 Medals, ^c. 
 
 F J N J S. 
 
 A 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 Printed for J. Roberts, near the Oxford^ 
 Artm\nlFarv;ick'Lane. Mdccxxxvi. 
 
 Price One ShlUiBg. 
 
 • r\ 
 
iC 
 
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