U.>'jijL*.CtM^- 
 
 THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES
 
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 ¥ DAVID FERRIS, 
 
 OF 
 
 THE SOCIETY OF FRIENDS 
 
 Late of Wilmington, in the State of Delaware. 
 
 Revised and corrected from the original copy in manuEcript. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA . 
 
 PUBLISHED BY JOHN SIMMONS, 
 
 South-west corner of Third and Tammany Streets. 
 Joseph Rakestraw, printer. 
 
 1825. 
 
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 7=4/ A^ SRi-F 
 A TESTIMONY 
 
 raoM 
 
 Wilmington Monthly Meeting, in the County oJMw- 
 
 Castle, on Delatvare, 
 
 coNCEBsma 
 
 DAVID FERRIS. 
 
 He was the son of Zachariah and Sarah Ferris ; and 
 Tva was born in Stratford, in Connecticut government, 
 "in New England, the 10th of the Third month 1707. 
 
 CM . . 
 
 g His parents being Presbyterians, brought him up in 
 that way; his mother being religiously disposed, and 
 much concerned for her offspring, frequently gave 
 
 d them good advice and admonition ; which had some 
 
 ^ good effect with this our friend, as he has often been 
 
 Q heard to express. 
 
 We find, by some remarks he left, that about the 
 twelfth year of his age, he was frequently visited and 
 called unto by the divine Monitor in his heart, to for- 
 sake evil and youthful vanities, which he delighted in; 
 and, by being in a good degree faithful thereto, was for 
 a time, preserved from them 5 but for want of attend- 
 ing to that which would have continued to preserve 
 him, the pleasures and vanities of this world got hold 
 
 4-18051 ,
 
 of his mind ; so that he took much delight in airy and 
 vain company, music and dancing, and such like 
 amusements, until about the twentieth year of his age ; 
 when it pleased the Lord to visit him with a sore fit 
 of sickness, which proved of lasting advantage to him ; 
 as it occasioned him to take up a fresh resolution, to 
 forsake the evil of his ways, and turn to the Lord with 
 full purpose of heart; which he was, through mercy, 
 favoured with ability in measure to perform. 
 
 He still continued in profession with the Presbyte- 
 rians, not having any knowledge of Friends; although, 
 by attending to the teachings of divioe grace, he be- 
 came convinced of the principle we profess; and 
 hearing of a yearly meeting of Friends to be held on 
 L(ong Island, went to it, with desires to discover whe- 
 ther they were a living people or not, for such he de- 
 sired to find ; where he met with what he often longed 
 for, a people that worshipped God in spirit and in 
 truth; which was a great strength and confirmation 
 to him, in forsaking the errors of his youth. And by 
 yielding obedience to these inward motions, he gain- 
 ed strength, and waS more and more enabled to bear 
 a faithful testimony to the truth, as it was made 
 known to him. 
 
 In the sixth month 1733, he removed to Philadel- 
 phia; where he joined in religious fellowship with 
 Friends. In 1735, he married Mary, the daughter of 
 Samuel and Sarah Massey; and in 1737, removed to 
 "Wilmington, in New Castle county; where he resid- 
 ed the remainder of his days.
 
 He made some appearance in the ministry about the 
 year 1734 ; but through unfaithfulness to the divine 
 call, he from time to time put it oft', and remained in 
 a neglect of duty therein upwards of twenty years ; 
 although he was often warned, both immediately and 
 instrumentally, in a remarkable manner ; which, at 
 length, produced a submission to the divine will ; so 
 that in the year 1755, he was made willing to give up 
 thereto, and therein found great peace. 
 
 He travelled through divers parts of this continent 
 in the work of the ministry; and, by certificates pro- 
 duced on his return home, it appeared, that his con- 
 duct, conversation, and labours abroad, were exem- 
 plary and edifying ; tending to the advancement of 
 truth and righteousness. His doctrine was sound, 
 and acceptable to the honest hearted, though sharp 
 against the hypocrite and rebellious ; yet tender to 
 the mourners and disconsolate. 
 
 He was very serviceable in our meetings for disci- 
 pline; which, with other meetings, he diligently at- 
 tended; not suffering his outward affairs to hinder 
 him from what he believed to be his religious duty. 
 And although he followed shop-keeping for a living, 
 it was his practice to shut up his shop, and take his 
 family with him to week-day meetings ; often expres- 
 sing, for the encouragement of others, that he believ- 
 ed it was attended with a blessing. He was free and 
 open-hearted to entertain Friends; and concerned to 
 bring up his children in plainness, and instruct them 
 in the fear of the Lord, believing that to be the best
 
 VI 
 
 portion they could inherit ; remarkably charitable to 
 the poor, and often administered to their necessities. 
 
 Bodily weakness attended him during the last three 
 years of his life ; and near the close of his days, he 
 was much afflicted with sickness, which he bore with 
 patience 5 often expressing his prospect of his ap- 
 proaching end, and his resignation therein ; saying, 
 « All is well." Several Friends being present, after 
 a time of silence, he in a lively manner repeated the 
 expressions of the Apostle, " To me, to live is Christ, 
 and to die is gain." 
 
 He departed this life, the 5th of the Twelfth month 
 1779, aged upwards of seventy -two, a minister about 
 twenty -four years. On the 7th of the same month, 
 his corpse was interred in our burying ground in 
 Wilmington.
 
 l!SS!®OS 
 
 or TBB 
 
 LIFE 
 
 ov 
 
 DAVID FERRIS. 
 
 WHEN I consider the situation of man, in his 
 fallen state, and the great change that all expe- 
 rience who are delivered from the power of dark- 
 ness, and have been translated into the kingdom 
 of the dear Son of God ; that in order to attain to 
 this happy state, all must experience a mortifica- 
 tion of their natural tempers, and evil propensities; 
 must know the " old man" to be slain, and the 
 « new man" to be put on ; which, after God, is 
 created in righteousness and true holiness ', and 
 that, in order to walk in the new and living way, 
 we must know old things to pass away, and all 
 things to become new. I say, when 1 consider 
 these things, I feel a concern for my fellow men, 
 that they may become acquainted with this 
 change. And, apprehending that I have had 
 some acquaintance with it, by passing through 
 various dispensations of trial and affliction, I am
 
 8 
 
 inclined to leave some account of them to pos- 
 terity ; to show to those wlio follow, that the Lord 
 is ever near, and will be found of those who seek 
 him early; that he is long suffering towards those 
 who go astray, and merciful to all who sincerely 
 turn to him ; hoping it may minister information 
 and encouragement to weary travellers in the 
 same road.; and induce them cheerfully to com- 
 ply with divine requirings. 
 
 I wrote a short account of the fore part of my 
 life in Latin, continued to about the twenty-fifth 
 year of my age. The many difficulties and dan- 
 gers in my way, and doubting whether I should 
 hold out to the end, induced me to keep my history 
 in a language unknown to those about me. I con- 
 cluded that if I should bold on my way, I might 
 afterward translate it into English ; and add to it, 
 as I found freedom. And now, after about twenty 
 years experience of divine support and preserva- 
 tion, having great cause to say that " God is good 
 to them who seek liim ;" that none seek him in 
 vain ; and that his tender mercies fail not ; I am 
 inclined to translate it; hoping it may be useful; 
 at least, to some of my posterity. 
 
 I was born at Stratford in Connecticut, New- 
 England, tho lOlh day of the Third month, 1707. 
 My parents, Zachariah and Sarah Ferris, made 
 profession with the people called Presbyterians;
 
 and in that way I had my education. My father, 
 while I was very young, moved to a place called 
 New Milford. It being a newly settled place, I 
 had not the advantage of a school ; but, under the 
 care of my mother, I soon learned to read in the 
 Bible ; and understood that there was a Supreme 
 Being, who made all things, and preserved and 
 upheld them in their order ; and that, as the work- 
 manship of his hand, I stood accountable to liim 
 for every part of my conduct. About the eighth 
 year of my age, I was informed that the divine 
 Being was self-existent ; without beginning and 
 without end ; and not being able to understand 
 how that could be, I sometimes thought so in- 
 tensely on the subject that I became much bewil- 
 dered. At length it was shown me, that the pro- 
 position was too high for m^' comprehension ; and 
 I received something like a reproof ff)r searcliing 
 into things beyond my capacity. From that time 
 I was fearful of prying into such deep mysteries. 
 
 My mother, being a religious woman, and much 
 concerned for the good of her offspring, both tem- 
 porally and spiritually, was frequent in giving 
 them good advice and admonition ; desiring that 
 we might shun the paths of error; and teaching 
 us, by her own example, as well as by precept, to 
 walk in the ways of virtue, which lead to peace. 
 This was a great help to us while young, and was 
 not easily forgotten when we came to maturity.
 
 10 
 
 Death was a frequent subject of my thoughts 5 and, 
 in tlje twelfth year of my age, I was frequently 
 ealled by the Holy Spirit to forsake evil, and leave 
 youthful vanities, which I then delighted in, and 
 to be sober and circumspect in all my ways. By 
 attention to the divine call, and to the reproofs of 
 instruction daily communicated, I was preserved 
 from evil ; and saw something of the beauty of 
 holiness ; the happy state of the righteous in the 
 world to come ; and the moving situation of the 
 wicked, when they put off mortality, and hear the 
 awful sentence pronounced, ** Depart ye cursed.'* 
 About this time, a little circumstance occurred 
 that much affected my mind, and afforded me last- 
 ing instruction. As I was riding through a river, 
 against a rapid current, a young dog attempting 
 to swim after me, the stream being too strong for 
 him, could not keep up with my horse. He ap- 
 peared to be in the utmost distress, even to despe- 
 ration. As my mind was filled with pity for the 
 poor animal, it was opened, to view the awful 
 amazement a poor soul must be in when leaving 
 the world destitute of hope. As simple a circum- 
 stance as this may appear, it was, I believe, of 
 use to me for years. I was very careful of my 
 thoughts, words and actions for several years 
 afterwards : the fear of the Lord preserving me 
 from evil. My mind was humbled under a sense 
 of my daily want of divine help; and as I abode
 
 11 
 
 under a religious concern, attending to the re- 
 proofs of instruction, which are the way to life, 
 an increase of light and life was communicated 
 to me : so that 1 came to delight in virtue. As 
 my desires and care for divine things increased, 
 the knowledge of them was unfolded. I could 
 truly say, the Lord was my delight. And for some 
 years, as I dwelt in his fear, his yoke was easy, 
 his harden light, and all childish vanities were 
 burdensome. While I kept near the spring of 
 life, with my mind fixed on the true object, the 
 world and the things thereof had lost all their 
 lustre. But, alas ! not keeping my eye single to 
 the light, I lost my Leader ; and then, by little 
 and little, the world roso again with splendor to 
 my view. Earthly delights and vanity got such 
 hold of my aflfections, that i took great pleasure in 
 airy and vain company. This was an unspeakable 
 loss to me, and I mention it that others may take 
 tvarning by my harms. It seemed almost mira- 
 culous that I was ever restored from this lapsed 
 state. My mother mourned over me, and often 
 advised an<' urged my return ; showing me the 
 danger of such a course of vanity. Yet 1 was not 
 wholly forsaken by my inward Monitor and for- 
 mer Guide. At times it reproved me ; at other 
 times called me ; wooing and pleading with me 
 to return. Sometimes, in the midst of my vanity, 
 I saw that i was iu the way to death 5 and that
 
 12 
 
 it would land me in everlasting confusion if I did 
 not forsake it. Sometimes my concern was so 
 great, that I was obliged to leave my vain compa- 
 nions, and retire so full of trouble and distress, 
 that 1 had no satisfaction until a considerable time 
 afterward. During these seasons of affliction, I 
 was ready to promise to forsake my vain course 
 of life, and to covenant with the Lord that [ would 
 do so no more ; provided he would be pleased to 
 grant me his assistance. But my efforts, being 
 to(» much in my own strength^, proved unavailing. 
 Vanity so prevailed that I took great delight in 
 music, (lancing, and other vain amusements. 
 
 In the twentieth year of my age, 1 was visited 
 with severe illness ; so that I, and those about me, 
 had very little hope of my recovery. Then death 
 stared me in the face ; and a dreadful scene of 
 woe, anguish and misery opened to my view. It 
 appeared clear to me that if I were then taken off 
 the stage of action, I should be unavoidably lost ; 
 and that evil spirits were waiting round me, to 
 convey my soul to the mansions of misery and 
 everlasting darkness; so that my horror, anxiety 
 and distress were infxpressible. In the utmost 
 anguish of mind, 1 cried to the Lord for helpj pro- 
 mising amendment, if more time and ability were 
 affoid^'d me; and it pleased a kind Providence to 
 be propitious to me ; so that I was restored to 
 hcHith ; and, in about a month, was able to walk 
 about.
 
 13 
 
 After my recovery I remembered the distress 
 I had been in, and t!ie promise I had made, when 
 under the dreadful apprehension of everlasting 
 misery and destruction. 1 saw the necessity of a 
 faithful performance of my vows. I was sensible 
 that there was a work to be done; and that if I did 
 not now comply with my promise, I should have 
 to pass through the same, or rather a worse scene 
 of misery aiid distress. It appeared probable that 
 a more convenient opportunity for repentance 
 than the present would not be afforded ; and I 
 concluded that this was the time to turn from va- 
 nity ; forsake my evil ways ; and renounce all my 
 sensual delights. But, when I had resolved to 
 begin the necessary work of reformation, the ad- 
 versary of all good tempted me to believe that it 
 was too late to think of obtaining peace with my 
 Maker; for this plain reason, "that as there was 
 a day or time, in which men might be saved; so, 
 if they let that opportunity pass away unimproved, 
 it would be in vain to attempt it afterward." He 
 suggested, that I had had such a day of visitation, 
 and had passed by it ; that I had been uncom- 
 monly favoured with help, and for a time did not 
 accept of it ; that I had been made a partaker of 
 the Holy Ghost ; that I had tasted of the good 
 word of God, and the powers of the world to come, 
 and had fallen from it; so now it was impossible 
 that I should again be renewed unto repentance s
 
 14 
 
 seeing I had crucified the son of God afresh, and 
 put him to open shame. This reasonin.a; appeared 
 so strong, and so consonant to tl»e apostle's doe- 
 trine, that 1 gave up the point j and concluded it 
 was too late to attempt a return, with hope of ac- 
 ceptance. 
 
 From that time, during the space of about two 
 months, I never sought for mercy ; but remained 
 in utter despair. My distress was as great as 
 could well be supported without loss of reason. I 
 daily wished for death, so that it might occur 
 without laying violent hands on myself; which I 
 was not much tempted to do. 
 
 It was usual with the young people of our 
 neighbourhood to spend much of their time in 
 vanity and merriment ; forgetful of God, their 
 Creator; as if Ihcy had been made to please them- 
 selves in the gratification of a sensual mind ; and, 
 pro\ided they were not profanely wicked, the 
 elderly part of society were not very uneasy with 
 it. But, in the year 1727, there was a great re- 
 formation at New-Milford, among the young peo- 
 ple of the Presbyterian profession. They had 
 been awakened by the immediate operation of the 
 Holy Spirit on their own minds; and were brought 
 into great concern for their future well being; 
 nndor which they had no outward assistance. The 
 apostolic doctrine of *» Christ within," and of be- 
 ing *« led by the Spirit of God," was denied by
 
 i5 
 
 the priest and many of the people, who appeared 
 to have little sense of a divine Teacher in them- 
 selves; b>it asserted that revelation had now 
 ceased, and no such thini? was to be experienced 
 in this day. As I had been the companion of 
 those young people in vanity and dissipation, they 
 (knowing nothing of my inward condition, which 
 I had not discovered to any) generally applied to 
 me for counsel and advice ; and I was much con- 
 cerned on their account ; being desirous of afford- 
 ing them assistance, although I had no hope of 
 relief at that time for myself. 
 
 My trouble continued and increased ; so that I 
 had no satisfaction in life. On a certain day, in 
 this season of despair and deep distress, I con- 
 cluded to leave my native land and go into some 
 foreign country, to spend the residue of my days; 
 where I purposed to remain unknown, and that 
 none of my relations or acquaintance should know 
 what was become of me. Being, in my own ap- 
 prehension, a poor, lost, reprobate creature, I was 
 not willing to remain at home, to be a disgrace to 
 my relations and country people. This was a day 
 of the deepest affliction and distress that I had 
 known. Towards evening, as I followed the 
 plough, my attention was arrested, as it were, by 
 a still, small voice, saying, "The blood of Jesus 
 Christ his son cleanseth from all sin." But I put 
 it by ; saying in my heart, « It is too late ; there
 
 16 
 
 Jias been a day wherein I might have been cleans- 
 ed j but, alas! 1 have let it pass over my head 
 for ever." Some time after this, (perliaps half an 
 hour,) while I was musing on what land I should 
 flee to, the same words passed through my mind 
 again, with more authority than before, and com- 
 manded my attention rather more closely than 
 they iiad done; but I again put them by; con- 
 cluding I had lost all right to apply them to my- 
 self. So I resumed the consideration of my flight 
 to a foreign land. In the mean time my sorrow 
 and anxiety of mind increased ; so that I was not 
 well able to support it, or go on with my business. 
 But while I was still musing, the same words un- 
 sought for, and unexpectedly, passed through my 
 mind with greater power and authority than at 
 any time before, <«The blood of Jesus Christ his 
 son clcanscth us from all sin." At the sound of 
 them my soul leaped for joy. I felt that a door 
 of hope was opened, and said in my licart ''\^ all 
 sin why not mine?^* Then a living hoj)c sprang 
 in my soul. I saw the arms of mercy open to re- 
 ceive me, and the w ay cleared before me as a road 
 through a thicket. 
 
 I w as now filled with joy unspeakable ; thanks- 
 giving and living praise to my Redeemer arose in 
 my heart for the experience of so great and mar- 
 vellous a deliverance ; that my feet should be I 
 plucked out of the mire and set upon a rock ; that ^
 
 17 
 
 I, who had no hope just before, should now be 
 favoured with a well-grounded assurance of par- 
 don and acceptance, was a mercy never to be 
 forgotten. 
 
 From this time I sought for divine assistance ; 
 and, in infinite kindness, a hand of help was ex- 
 tended for my restoratioti, and the healing of my 
 backslidings. Then I was enabled to sing upon 
 the banks of deliverance, and praise the name of 
 him who lives for ever. The Holy Spirit, that 
 blessed Teacher, with whom I had formerly been 
 favoured, but had forsaken, was now restored, 
 as a leader and teacher, to direct and instruct me 
 in tlie way to peace and rest. From this time my 
 mind, after such great favour, was humbled and 
 made subject to the cross of Christ, and heartily 
 willing to take it up, daily, and foilow him, my 
 kind leader, in the narrow way of self-denial. 
 And as I was obedient, he led me to forsake my 
 vain course of life, and all those youthful delights 
 and sensual pleasures which were displeasing to 
 my dear Lord and Master; who in wonderful 
 mercy had lifted me out of the dungeon, and heard 
 my prayers in a time of deep affliction. He now 
 became my director in all things ; showing me 
 clearly what my duties were; and enabling me to 
 perform them in an acceptable manner. But if, 
 at any time, I acted in my own will, I lost my 
 strength, and found no acceptance nor benefit by 
 
 B 2
 
 18 
 
 my performances; by which I gradually learnt, 
 that I could do nothing, acceptably, without the 
 immediate assistance of the spirit of Clirist the 
 Redeemer. Thus I found a necessity to apply 
 continually to my only and all-sufficient helper ; 
 and humbly to wait for his assistance and direc- 
 tion ; and as I was faithful, he led me into the 
 path of life, which, if continued in, will terminate 
 in everlasting peace. 
 
 Having gradually learned that nothing of a re- 
 ligious nature could be effectually done, without 
 the immediate assistance of the Holy Spirit, I 
 may humbly acknowledge that I was wonderfully 
 favoured with divine instruction ; far beyond my 
 expectation, and infinitely above my deserts. I 
 was led, as it were, by the hand, and helped over 
 every difficulty that attended mc. But tlie adver- 
 sary of my soul tried every stratagem to draw me 
 aside from the path of virtue. He strove, night 
 and day, to deter me from walking in the narrow 
 way f representing the difficulties to be so great 
 that I could never hold out to the end ', and that 
 all my attempts would be in vain. He seemed to 
 be continually present, whether I was awake or 
 asleep, disquieting my mind as much as possible. 
 But my prayer was incessant for divine aid ; that 
 a stronger than he might appear for my help, and 
 dispossess him. And, in about a year after I had 
 been raised from the pit of despair, as before re-
 
 19 
 
 lated, I received a promise that ** the God of peace 
 would bruise Satan under my feet shortly." Faith 
 was given me to believe in this promise ; and I 
 hoped for a speedy deliverance. But he continued 
 to afflict me with his assaults, with temptations, 
 and evil suggestions, for some months afterward. 
 Notwithstanding whieh, I still believed the time 
 would come, according to the promise, and I pray- 
 ed for its fulfilment, in the Lord's time. At 
 length, a stronger than he did indeed come, and 
 cast him out, and wholly dispossessed him ; and not 
 only bruised him under foot, but removed him far 
 from me. 
 
 The power of the enemy to assault, or in any 
 wise to disquiet me, was now taken away ; neither 
 was he able to lay any temptation before me. Now 
 was my soul daily filled with thanksgiving and 
 living praise for this deliverance ; as well as for 
 all other the manifold mercies and favours of God, 
 from day to day, bestowed upon me, «< a worm and 
 no man." To the honour of his great name, who 
 hath done marvellous things for me, and to the 
 praise of his grace, I may say, that the adversary 
 of all good was not only thus prevented from trou- 
 bling me j but the fountain of divine life was open- 
 ed, and the water thereof flowed so freely and 
 plentifully into my soul, that I was absorbed in it, 
 and so enamoured thereby, that all the riches, 
 honours, and vain pleasures of this world, had no
 
 20 
 
 place in my afTcctions. In this state I longed t(y 
 be with Christ ; which, I was sensible, was better 
 than to be here. I do not know that there was one 
 moment, whilst I was awake, for the space of nearly 
 two years, in which I could not sing living praises 
 to him who liveth for ever and ever. No losses, 
 crosses, or disappointments did, in any degree, 
 disturb me ; at least not perceptibly, cither to my- 
 self or others; for my delight was in objects very 
 different from any thing this world can give, or 
 take away. I dwelt as in the mount, out of my 
 enemy's reach ; and, apparently, out of danger 
 from any evil. Here I hoped to remain all the 
 days of my life, and that I never should be moved. 
 
 However strange this relation may appear to 
 many, I believe it is strictly true. I am sensible 
 that some, who have no experience in things of 
 this nature, may smile at this narrative ; but 
 others may bo glad to see in it a relation of cir- 
 cumstances corresponding, perhaps, to their own 
 experience of trials passed through, or favours re- 
 ceived from the divine and all bountiful hand. I 
 have no vanity in penning this account ; but ra- 
 ther a fear, lest the succeeding part of my life 
 should not correspond with the favours conferred 
 upon me, by a gracious benefactor; as stjited in 
 the preceding account. 
 
 AVhile I dwelt as on the mcnint, as before re- 
 lated, my spiritual eyes were opened ; my un-
 
 21 
 
 derstanding enlightened and enlarged. I tlieii 
 wondered to see that the world, as far as my 
 knowledge of it extended, was more in show than 
 substance; better in appearance than in reality; 
 that even the true form of godliness was too little 
 to be seen. I liad conceived that the people 
 among whom I was educated were better than the 
 other professors of Christianity ; but when my eyes 
 were thus anointed, to see clearly, I found very 
 little true religion among them. Primitive purity 
 appeared to be very much lost. 1 was affected 
 with sorrow and mourning, on account of the great 
 declension among the professors of the christian 
 religion, in general : for the more [ was concerned 
 to examine the subject, and sought for divine wis- 
 dom, the stronger were my convictions, the clearer 
 my views, of a general apostacy ; that a life of self- 
 denial, a dwelling under the cross of Christ, was 
 very little regarded. 
 
 Before this period I had had a desire to acquire 
 a knowledge of the languages, and other learning, 
 and now my mind became satisfied that it would 
 be right for me to pursue these objects ; but, be- 
 fore I give an account of my progress in this pur- 
 suit, I will recur to a subject mentioned before. 
 It was said, that in the year 1727, some of my 
 companions were brought under a concern for 
 their future happiness. This concern spread, and 
 so increased among the young people, at New-
 
 22 
 
 Milford, that it became general. Many tliat iiad 
 spent much of their time in vanity and mirth, 
 were, at this period, exercised for their eternal 
 welfare ; crying out, as some did formerly, " What 
 shall we do to be saved ?" I tiiink there were 
 nearly sixty of us, in about one year, who joined 
 in close communion with the Presbyterians, in the 
 participation of the bread and wine. As we were 
 faithful in the discharge of our duty, as far as it 
 W'as manifested to us, and endeavoured to advance 
 in the path of virtue, our understandings became 
 illuminated, so as to perceive some things in a dif- 
 ferent light from that in which they were seen by 
 our fellow professors ; both with respect to prac- 
 tical and doctrinal points. Some times we ven- 
 tured to mention some of our sentiments, on subjects 
 in which we apprehended there was a difference 
 between us, which soon involved us in trouble. 
 
 We were accused of holding heretical opinions ; 
 and brought before the church to answer the accu- 
 sation. Neighbouring ministers were called to 
 deal with us, on this occasion j but they made lit- 
 tle of it. I had previously stated, in writing, the 
 points of difference between us ; with the reasons 
 for our dissent; and when the congregation met 
 to deal with us, I presented it to them. Where- 
 upon a committee was appointed, to examine the 
 document, and to judge whether it would be pro- 
 per to read it in that assembly. On their returni
 
 2^ 
 
 they reported favourably ; and it was read. When 
 any difficulty oceurred, I was desired to explain 
 my meanin.^, which I did accordingly. After it 
 was read through, they sat silent for some time. 
 At length, an ancient man rose, and said, " If this 
 be all wherein our younger brethren are supposed 
 to differ from us, there is nothing in this writing 
 that I cannot unite with, and say » Amen' to.*' 
 Others, of the foremost rank, expressed the same 
 opinion ; upon which it was concluded that our 
 sentiments were not so heterodox as to prevent 
 communion with us. It was settled accordingly ; 
 and we were pronounced members in full com- 
 munion. 
 
 But, notwithstanding this conclusion, a report 
 was circulated, and generally believed amcmg the 
 people, that we were heretics ; and I was consi- 
 dered as a leader among them. Some called us 
 Quakers; but we knew notiiing of that people, 
 and thought it as ill a name as they did ; though 
 we considered it our duty patiently to bear the 
 reproach cast on us for the Truth's sake. 
 
 But to continue the account of my proceedings 
 relative to the acquisition of learning. I first went 
 to the teacher in our parish ; and staid with him, 
 as a scholar, but one month, until he refused to 
 teach me any further ; alleging, as a reason for 
 his refusal, that my opinions were too heretical to 
 admit of my reception into the college ; so that my
 
 24 
 
 labour would be useless ; or, at least, not answer 
 the end proposed. He was a weak man; and had 
 but little experience in religious concerns, in 
 which I had now acquired some knowledge ; be- 
 sides, he was not scholar enough to teach me to 
 any purpose; wliich made me willing to leave him. 
 Alter this I soon concluded to go to Danby, 
 about thirty miles from my father's hous«', and to 
 place myself under the tuition of a teacher whose 
 name was Moss, I had heaid that he was a good 
 scholar, and a good christian. These qualities I 
 thought would make the situation ))leasant to mej 
 and I was not disappointed. Whilst I was prepar- 
 ing to go to him, 1 was suddenly taken sick ; and 
 became so ill, that, in a few hours, it aj)|)eared 
 doubtful whether I should recover. I was in hope 
 that my departure was at hand ; though I did not 
 then see how I should be disposed of. Whilst I 
 was lying very ill, though my understanding was 
 calm and clear, and my will fully resigned, my 
 niother came to me, and asked me if I thought I 
 should die with that illness. I answered, I did not 
 know how that might be ; but should be glad to 
 leave this world, if it were the will of God. After 
 some further discourse, my mother left me alone ; 
 and soon after, my soul (as 1 apprehended) depart- 
 ed from the body. On which I was filled with joy; 
 concluding I had done with this world, and all its 
 troubles. Being now freed from the shackles of
 
 25 
 
 Inortalify, I went on rejoicing toward the land of 
 bliss with great alacrity of soul, and as I departed, 
 I thought I saw my body lying a lifeless lump of 
 matter. But as I went forward, 1 was met by some 
 excellent person whom I took to be the Son of 
 God; and who informed me that I must not go; 
 saving, «*Thou must return to the body; thou 
 shalt not die but live, and declare the wonderful 
 works of the Lord." I was troubled to think of 
 returning, to be confined to a body of clay. How- 
 ever, I stood still, musing and waiting for direc- 
 tion ; when it appeared to be my duty to submit. 
 I then said, " The will of the Lord be done," and 
 immediately I was in the body. Soon after this, 
 my mother came again into the room, and repeat- 
 ed the question slie had put to me before ; to wit, 
 whether I thought I should die at that time. I 
 answered, " I shall not die with this illness." 
 She seemed surprised that f should answer so po- 
 sitively, and without hesitation ; and then queried 
 how I knew that. *< For," said she, « you told 
 me, about an hour ago, that you did not know 
 whether life or death would be your lot at this 
 time." I then gave her an account of the circum- 
 stances just related ; which satisfied her respect- 
 ing my confident answer. She was filled with 
 joy, and thankful acknowledgment to the Foun- 
 tain of all Good, that I was restored to her, and 
 that he had been so propitious to me as to reveal 
 
 c
 
 26 
 
 his will in so clear and indubitable a manner. At 
 this time my mother and I were both Presbyte- 
 rians; and continued in that profession several 
 years after this event. 
 
 Being now sensible that my continuance here 
 was required for a longer season, I became very 
 thoughtful, lest I had been mistaken in supposing 
 I had obtained the knowledge of my divine Mas- 
 ter's will, respecting my learning the languages, 
 &c. and was brought into a strict examination, 
 whether I was in the way of my duty in making 
 the attempt ; for 1 had now a clearer sight that 
 human learning was insufficient to prepare for the 
 ministry of the Gospel than I had before. Being 
 humbled, and self entirely reduced, I was willing, 
 if I could discover that my attempt was wrong, to 
 acknowledge my fault to him who knoweth all 
 ^things ; repent of my rashness ; and confess my 
 error j especially to those to whom I had made 
 known my intentions on the subject. I had told 
 some of my companions that I saw it my duty to 
 acquire learning ; and some considerable time be- 
 fore there was any probability of it, I had gone so 
 far as to say that I should obtain it. If, therefore, 
 I had been mistaken, there was now great need of 
 my knowing it, and making proper acknowledg- 
 ments on every hand ; and to be more careful in 
 future, not too easily to take any thing for granted, 
 and then report it as a certainty. During this
 
 27 
 
 sickness, which continuetl about three weeks, I 
 earnestly desired that I might receive wisdom, to 
 direct me in a way acceptable to the Lord; and 
 although I had a strong desire for the acquisition 
 of knowledge, yet I was willing to submit to the 
 disposing hand of Providence ; and durst not ask 
 for any thing but with entire submission to the 
 Divine will ; being sensible that if I obtained it in 
 any other disposition, a blessing would not attend 
 it. At length, being on the recovery, and very 
 much exercised in mind on the subject, 1 had, one 
 morning, as 1 lay in bed, such a clear manifesta- 
 tion of the Divine will thereon, as left no doubts 
 on my mind respecting the course I ought to pur- 
 sue ; and so I proceeded to prepare for admission 
 into college. 
 
 After this I soon recovered and went to the 
 teacher at Danby, of whom 1 had heard so good a 
 character, as beforementioned. I was well satis- 
 fied with him, as I believe he was with me. He 
 was a religious, tender spirited man ; and, I be- 
 lieve, " a lover of good men," in the apostle's 
 sense. After I had been with him some time, one 
 of his congregation said to him, «< I understand 
 you have a heretic with you, preparing for admis- 
 sion into college." He replied, <' I wish all my 
 congregation were such heretics as he is." To 
 which his neighbour made no reply. This he told 
 me himself soon after it occurred. I staid with
 
 28 
 
 iiim six months, when his other scholars left him; 
 and as it did not suit him to attend on me alone, I 
 went to one Robert Trett, at New-Milford, and 
 spent about six months with him ; when he thought 
 me sufficiently learned for adn)ission into college. 
 Accordingly I went there, passed an examination 
 in relation to my learning, and was admitted with- 
 out any mention of heresy. 
 
 After my admission I endeavoured to keep hum- 
 ble and to live in the Lord's fear ; so as to be a 
 pattern of lowliness of mind. I was desirous to be 
 serviceable to mankind, and endeavoured to keep 
 to that which alone could qualify for it. 
 
 Here 1 think proper to remark, that in one re- 
 spect I was apt to err, until experience taught me 
 better. This was talking too much about religion 
 in my own will and time. At length I found it 
 tended to poverty ; and I learned, when in com- 
 pany, not to be forward to enter info any discourse 
 concerning religion, or any other subject ; but to 
 be content to keep silence and be esteemed a fool ; 
 until truth arose, a subject clearly presented, and 
 liberty was given for conversation. Then I found 
 a qualification to speak to the edification of others, 
 and my own peace and satisfaction. I mention 
 this for the benefit of others ; being convinced 
 that many who have had experience of the truth, 
 and have in some degree witnessed a change of 
 lieart, have talked so much on religious subjects.
 
 29 
 
 that their souls have become barren; so as scarcely 
 to know when good cometh. 
 
 Now, as I dwelt under a humble sense of my 
 own nothingness, and sought for the direction of 
 Truth, I found the Lord to be near by his Spirit ; 
 to instruct me in all things necessary to be known j 
 which were clearly manifested from time to time, 
 as I was able to bear them. 
 
 At my entrance into college my principles ge- 
 nerally corresponded with those held by the Pres- 
 byterians. But I now began to think it was time 
 to examine for myself, and no longer trust in the 
 judgment of my forefathers. I found it necessary 
 to subject my principles and practices to a strict 
 scrutiny ; because I began to be doubtful of some 
 of them. But I was convinced that, as a rational 
 creature, simply considered, without a divine in- 
 structor, I was not competent to the undertaking. 
 I clearly perceived that all right understanding in 
 spiritual concerns must proceed from the imme- 
 diate revelation of the Holy Spirit; and that we 
 could not come to the knowledge of God, nor of, 
 any thing relating to his kingdom, without it. 
 
 This belief was very different from that held by 
 the people I made profession with ; so that I had 
 BO assistance from them. On the contrary, their 
 conversation, their preaching, and their books, 
 ■were against me. 1 had no outward help but the 
 bible; and that I could not understand without 
 
 c 2
 
 30 
 
 divine assistance. There were no people with 
 whom I was acquainted who believed in the light 
 of Christ within, as I did ; so that I had none to 
 look to for instruction, in any difficulty, but to 
 him. But, being very desirous to know the truth 
 in all things, I made application to him who I be- 
 lieve to be the only teacher of his people ; and as 
 I waited upon him for instruction, my understand- 
 ing was gradually enlightened, so as to perceive 
 many errors in my former creed ; and to discover 
 the truth in opposition to the doctrines of my edu- 
 cation. 
 
 That which stood most in my way, and appeared 
 to be a grievous hardship to mankind, as well as 
 a great dishonour to a just and righteous God, 
 was their unconditional election and reprobation ; 
 which would, according to their apprehension of 
 it, shut out the chief part of mankind from all hope 
 of mercy ; as they believed they were the Lord's 
 only people, and that but few of otiiers were within 
 the pale of election. Yet I believe there were some 
 amongst them who had a more extensive charity. 
 I was much concerned on this subject ; and being 
 earnestly desirous to discover the truth, it pleased 
 the Lord to open my understanding, clearly to 
 perceive the error of this doctrine ; and I was ena- 
 bled to believe tliat Christ, wlio " gave himself a 
 ransom for all," would " have all men to be saved^ 
 and come to the knowledge of the truth.'*
 
 31 
 
 I rejoiced in this discovery ; and when I was 
 fully convinced of my former error on this subject, 
 I proposed, for the consideration of one of my fel- 
 low students, whether we had not been mistaken 
 in that point of belief. W6 reasoned on the ques- 
 tion many times, until he was almost convinced 
 that we had been in an error on this subject. He 
 did not then know that my sentiments were dif- 
 ferent from his own ; but supposed that I proposed 
 the question only for the sake of argument, and to 
 hear what could be said for and against it. I pur- 
 posely hid my real belief from him ; apprehending 
 it not prudent at that time to discover ray genuine 
 sentiments. 
 
 By the time we were willing to close the debate 
 on that subject, I had something new to propose ; 
 and as strange as new to my opponent. When we 
 were at leisure from our studies, we entered into 
 debate upon it; and so, from time to time, we 
 reasoned the point till we were willing to leave it. 
 Thus, as things opened to my view, and my mind 
 became clear in any point of doctrine, in opposition 
 to my former belief, I proposed it for his consi- 
 deration ; and so we reasoned upon it as long as 
 we thought expedient. Thus we proceeded from 
 time to time; debating on divers points of doc- 
 trine, until my opponent was partly convinced of 
 the truths I advanced, and became satisfied that I 
 believed in the doctrines I produced for his consi-
 
 32 
 
 deration. But as I thought it not a proper time 
 lo make my opinions public, I advised liim not to 
 expose them at present j to which he consented. 
 We spent our leisure time, for two or three years, 
 in discussing religious subjects ; new to him, and 
 I but recently convinced of the truth of them. 
 
 I had before this period heard of a people called 
 Quakers^ but was unacquainted with any of them. 
 As I had never seen any of their writings, I knew 
 not what doctrines they held ; but ascribe all my 
 knowledge in divine things to the inward manifes- 
 tations of grace and truth ; the teaching of the 
 Holy Spirit. It was Christ, the light of the world, 
 the life of men, who opened to me the scriptures, 
 and gave me a discerning of their meaning ; and, 
 as I was faithful and obedient to the pointings of 
 truth, I was favoured with further and clearer dis- 
 coveries thereof. In this state I felt desirous that 
 others should come to be acquainted with it ; and 
 continued to give to my fellow student, aforemen- 
 tioned, my views on the various subjects that pre- 
 sented. We reasoned on them, as they were 
 brought under consideration, until we had discus- 
 sed the principal disputable points of doctrine. I 
 do not remember that we omitted any thing that 
 Robert Barclay had treated as a doctrinal j)oint ; 
 altliough, at tliat time, I had not seen any of his 
 writings, nor ever heard of them as I remember.
 
 36 
 
 I have mentioned these things to show that ac- 
 eording to Christ's declaration, " If any man do 
 his will he shall know of hiiiPdoctrine, whether it 
 be of God ;"* and that <« we need not that any 
 man teach us, hut a^Uic anointing teacheth us of 
 all things."! 
 
 Though we had debated all those points, as be- 
 fore related, yet, at leiselw hours, we again dis- 
 cussed them, and became much of one sentiment 
 on the various subjects ; as will appear when I 
 come to relate the particulars of our final sepa- 
 ration. 
 
 By this time I had some view of a false ministry 
 and a false worship, which had been introduced 
 into almost all the churches of professing chris- 
 tians, with which 1 was acquainted ; but my sight 
 in these two particulars was not so clear as it was 
 in many others which we had debated. Although 
 I perceived a defect in the ministry, yet I did not 
 then see that it was altogether wrong, nor did I 
 then know that it was wholly of the *< letter that 
 killeth ;" but afterwards I obtained a clearer sight 
 and knowledge thereof. At this time I thought as 
 a child, and understood as a child, with regard to 
 these subjects. And this was also my state re- 
 specting divine worship, I did not clearly per- 
 ceive that all worship performed in the will of the 
 
 * John vu. 17. t 1 John u. 27.
 
 34 
 
 Greature, and without the immediate assistance of 
 the Holy Spirit, was truly will-worship and ido- 
 latry. But in process of time I clearly perceived 
 that this was 4;he'Ctise. After our minds were 
 satisfied on these points, I first met with Barclay's 
 Apology. — But I must now leave my class mate 
 and our discussions an^^o back a little. 
 
 When I had been wcollege about a year, the 
 rector, or chief ruler, sent for me to his house in 
 order to converse with me concerning those reports 
 that had been circulated, of my being a heretic. 
 After I had, at his request, seated myself by him, 
 he told me he had a desire to hear, from my own 
 mouth, an account of my state. Adding, that it 
 was not from an.v dissatisfaction in his own mind 
 concerning me, for he was well pleased with my 
 conduct since I became one of their members j 
 that he believed the reports were chiefly owing to 
 misapprehension, ignorance, and ill-will; and that 
 he wished to know from me the grounds of it. This 
 was the substance of his communication. I replied, 
 that if he would be pleased to have patience with 
 me, I would give him a plain account, and be as 
 brief as I well might, to be intelligible. I gave a 
 relation of my first setting out on my religious 
 journey; of my travels, exercises and experience, 
 to that day ; which took up about an hour and a 
 half, as 1 supposed. lie was all this time very 
 quiet aad attentive , not giving me the least in-
 
 35 
 
 terruption. I thought he listened with much satis- 
 factiun. When I had concluded we sat silent for 
 some time. He seemed to be so much affected that 
 he could not easily speak. After recovering, he 
 said, " Ferris, I bless God for giving you eyes to 
 see what you see." He said nothing more to me, 
 except just to inform me that he was well satisfied 
 with that opportunity, and'^o dismissed me. 
 
 I do not know that I concealed from him any of 
 the principles I held at the time he referred to, 
 when I was called a heretic ; but I did not unfold 
 to him all my views at the time I was speaking ; 
 beina: sensible he could not bear it. He was a sin- 
 cere professor, and a lover of good men, and after- 
 wards showed a kind regard for me ; saying more 
 in my favour than I apprehend I deserved, al- 
 though not more than he believed to be true. And 
 this was the case with many others whose expec- 
 tations of my future usefulness had by some means 
 been raised ; in consequence of which I was much 
 esteemed by the most worthy class of people : but 
 being kept humble and low in my mind, and see- 
 ing my own weakness and infirmity, I was pre- 
 served from the snares of popularity, although they 
 made my trials the greater j as will appear in the 
 proper place. 
 
 After this interview with the rector I resumed 
 my studies, which I pursued with diligence; being 
 desirous to be found in the way of my duty in every
 
 SB 
 
 respect J that a blessing might attend ray under- 
 taking. I was careful of my thoughts, words and 
 actions; endeavouring to be exemplary and ser- 
 viceable to all about me. 
 
 I now became increasingly thoughtful on reli- 
 gious subjects. The doctrines I had been taught, 
 and the way of worship in which 1 had been edu- 
 cated, were subjects of anxious concern. I was 
 desirous to ascertain whether they would bear a 
 strict scrutiny. On trial 1 found them defective; 
 and hence arose the many debates I had with my 
 class-mate, as before related. 
 
 About the middle of the last year of my resi- 
 dence at the college, I met with Barclay's Apo- 
 logy ; and after reading it I let my class-mate also 
 peruse it, with whom I had before discussed the 
 doctrines there treated of. He read the work at- 
 tentively, and made little or no objection to it; 
 but told me Barclay's arguments were unanswer- 
 able. Several other thoughtful scholars to whom 
 I lent the book, after they had read it, made the 
 same acknowledgment, with very little objection 
 or opposition to the reasoning of its author. 
 
 I continued at the college until near the time 
 for taking my degrees; and being convinced of the 
 errors of my education relating to the doctrines 
 we held, and the worship we performed, I appre- 
 hended it was time to consider what was best for 
 me to do; and being favoured to see that a quali-
 
 87 
 
 ftcation or commission derived from man was not 
 sutlicient for the gospel ministry, I concluded not 
 to take their degrees, nor depend upon their au- 
 thority. 
 
 Although I agreed with Barclay on doctrinal 
 subjects, yet I knew not that 1 could join with the 
 Quakers, or any other people with which I was 
 acquainted. 1 still continued a member of the 
 Presbyterian society; attended their meetings; 
 and partook of their bread and wine. But I was 
 not free to sing with them; not having been, for 
 some time before, in a condition to sing: besides, 
 it did not appear to me an acceptable sacrifice, or 
 any thing like divine worship, for a mixed multi- 
 tude to sing that of which they knew nothing by 
 experience. My exercise of mind daily increased; 
 for now the time was near at band in which I must 
 leave them. This was a day of trial ; for, although 
 at the commencement of my religious progress, I 
 had forsaken all the youthful delights and vanities 
 with which I had been diverted, and had been 
 enabled to trample them all under my feet, ex- 
 pecting never again to encounter such difficulties ; 
 yet, now I found that se(/'wasnot sufficiently mor- 
 tified in me. To be brought down from the pin- 
 nacle of honour ; to be esteemed a fool ; to be 
 trampled under foot by high and low, rich and 
 poor, learned and unlearned, was hard to bear. 
 As 1 observed before, I had been much esteemed 5 
 
 D 
 
 ^051 ■
 
 thoii.^h, as I was sensible, more than I deserved. 
 I knew the people had undue expectations of my 
 future usefulness, and that if I left the college, as 
 I thought it my duty to do, my credit would sink, 
 and my honours be laid in the dust; and then in- 
 stead of being caressed and exalted, I must be 
 neglected and despised. 
 
 But 1 had other difficulties to encounter. My 
 father looked forward with hope that I would be 
 an honour to him and his family. He had promised 
 to set me out in the world in the best manner his 
 circumstances Mould admit. I knew that if I were 
 obedient to my convictions of duty, he would re- 
 gard it as a disgrace to my family and connexions ; 
 and would be more likely to turn me out of his 
 Louse, than in any way to assist me. Besides, I 
 had heard of a vacancy for a minister, and that 
 the people were waiting for me to occupy it. The 
 congregation was numerous ; a larger salary was 
 offered than any I knew of in that part of the 
 country ; and I was informed that the rulers of 
 the college had been consulted on the occasion. 
 
 Here, if 1 complied with my sense of duty, I 
 must " take up the cross," and turn out naked into 
 the world ; for 1 had very little jiroperty of my 
 own ; none to expect from my father ; and no 
 salary to support me. Many would regard me as 
 the off-scouring of all things ; fit for nothing.
 
 39 
 
 I laboured under a lively sense of all these dif- 
 ficulties. Poverty and disgrace stared me in the 
 face ; and, as I had none but the Lord to whom I 
 could make known my distress and discourage- 
 ments; nor any other of whom to ask counsel; 
 I cried to him incessantly for wisdom, strength 
 and fortitude ; that I might be favoured with a 
 clear discovery of my duty, and enabled faithfully 
 to obey him in all things. 
 
 At this time my trials and difficulties were so 
 numerous, that I was ready to conclude with Job, 
 that I should " die in my nest.'* I feared 1 should 
 never be able to resign all my interest, honour 
 and credit in the world ; submit to a state of po- 
 verty ; and incur the disgrace of a reputed 
 heretic ! These difficulties were presented to my 
 view, and magnified to the highest degree that 
 any one can imagine. In the height of my dis- 
 tress I entered my closet or study, and thus poured 
 out my complaint before the Lord : <* O Lord ! I 
 know not what to do, in this day of deep distress 
 and anxiety of soul. I am not sufficiently clear 
 respecting my duty in the undertaking and exe- 
 cution of an affair of so much importance. All that 
 I have in this world that is valuable, and my ever- 
 lasting happiness also, is now at stake." 
 
 My present situation appeared so important^ 
 that if I mistook my course, and took a wrong di- 
 rection, all might be lost for ever. If I should be
 
 40 
 
 led by a spirit of error and confusion, I might 
 offend my Maker and my fellow creatures; for 
 ever remain in a dark wilderness; and never be 
 restored to favour with God or good men. 
 
 Darkness prevailed over me so far at that time, 
 that I seemed to be placed in the situation of John 
 the Baptist, when he sent two of his disciples to 
 inquire of Christ, <' Art thou he that should come, 
 or look we for another ?" — I was almost ready to 
 despair, and to conclude that I was altogether 
 wrong in proposing to take a step so contrary to 
 reason, as this now appeared to be. Thus I poured 
 forth my complaint, and mourned before the Lord. 
 I had none to depend upon but him, nor any other 
 of whom to ask counsel in my distressed circum- 
 stances. My dependance was wholly on him for 
 wisdom and direction, in this trying and afflicting 
 situation. 
 
 It is difficult to conceive, and not in my power 
 to express, the anxiety of my mind in this proving 
 season ; for every thing valuable seemed in dan- 
 ger of being totally lost. Nevertheless, I cried to 
 the Lord for help ; and covenanted with him, that 
 if he would be pleased to direct me in the way 
 which would be safe for me to pursue, manifest his 
 will therein, and afford me assistance to perform 
 my duties, I would resign all to his disposal ; obey 
 his will ; no longer reason with flesh and blood ; 
 feut trust to his providence for support and credit
 
 41 
 
 ill the world ; and for every thing else he might 
 deem best and most convenient for me. For I was 
 now clearly convinced, that if I tlid not resign 
 every thing, when it was evidently manifested to 
 be my duty, I had nothing to expect but death, as 
 to my spiritual condition. 
 
 Whilst I was thus bemoaning my condition be- 
 fore the Lord ; waiting upon him for direction, 
 with ardent prayers for his assistance and wisdom 
 to guide me in the right way, He was graciously 
 pleased to show me that he was about to bring the 
 church out of the wilderness, or wandering state, 
 in which she had long been destitute of the true 
 leader. And he made it clearly known to me that 
 it was his will 1 should go forth, and be an instru- 
 ment in his hand for the accomplishment of this 
 design. 
 
 As soon as I was satisfied on these points, I rea- 
 soned not with flesh and blood, but immediately 
 gave up to the heavenly vision. I then went to 
 the chief ruler of the college, and obtained his per- 
 mission to go home ; but I told no one my reasons 
 for this procedure. 
 
 This was a trying time. I was about to take 
 an important step. Like Gideon, I was desirous 
 to « turn the fleece ;" to wait in rptirement for 
 wisdom, maturely to consider this weighty under- 
 taking, which now pressed heavily on my mind. 
 After staying at home about three weeks, the will 
 
 d2
 
 42 
 
 «!:' my divine Master, relating to my removal from 
 college, was satisfactorily manifested. Without 
 making known my purpose, I returned to the col- 
 lege and settled my affairs, in order to leave it. 
 Whilst I was preparing to depart, a report was 
 spread among the scholars that I was turned Qua- 
 ker; and was going to leave them. Yet I did not 
 hear that any of them uttered a hard or railing 
 word against me. The rector, Elisha Williams, 
 took an opportunity to converse with me. He was 
 very moderate, hut said he was sorry for my con- 
 clusion J that, heretofore, he had entertained a 
 good opinion of me, and an expectation that I 
 would be useful in my day j but now his hopes 
 were, in great measure, frustrated. We had much 
 conversation on the subject ; he signified he did 
 not give me up for lost. He appeared serious, and 
 we parted good friends. 
 
 As the time for my departure drew near, being 
 wholly resigned to the Lord's will, the cloud was 
 removed from my tabernacle ; my sight was clear ; 
 my courage returned ; and the mountains, whose 
 tops so lately appeared to reach the clouds, were 
 all laid as level as a plain ; the sea was driven 
 back ; so that there was nothing to interrupt my 
 passage. I went over all, as on dry land, and not 
 a dog was suffered to move a tongue against 
 me. Then was my soul filled with living praise; 
 thanksgiving and rejoicing in the Lord ; who had
 
 4S 
 
 triumphed gloriously. lie was my strength, my 
 song, and my salvation. The deeps covered my 
 enemies ; they sank to the bottom as a stone. The 
 right hand of the Lord was glorious in power ; 
 and I sang his praises ; for he was worthy ; hav- 
 ing done great things for me. 
 
 Before I left college I told the rector of my in- 
 tentions, and that I did not know that I should 
 return ; but if I should change my mind, and wish 
 to take a degree, if it would be permitted, per- 
 haps I might come back for that purpose : if I 
 should conclude not to return, I would write to 
 him and give my reasons for such conclusion. He 
 replied, and told me I should be welcome to a de- 
 gree ; and that it would give them pleasure to 
 grant me one. 
 
 While I was preparing for my journey, my 
 class-mate, before mentioned, being desirous to 
 ride one day with me, obtained permission. The 
 rector told him, that I might, perhaps, instill bad 
 principles into him, and lead him astray. To 
 which my friend replied, *•' I have lived a great 
 part of the time since I came to the college with 
 him, and I believe he has done me no harm ; but 
 contrariwise." Then, having bidden them all 
 farewell, we departed. 
 
 I thought it a favour that one of my fellows 
 who was in good credit, and esteemed none of 
 the least in the college, should be willing so far
 
 44 
 
 to take up the cross, as to accompany me, who 
 was deemed a heretic, a Quaker, or they knew 
 not what ; hut feeling a degree of love for me, it 
 made him fearless of shame or any disgrace that 
 might ensue. 
 
 As we rode along, we discussed all the doctrines 
 which we had formerly debated ; and he appeared 
 almost as much convinced of the truth of my sen- 
 timents as I was. Near night, when we were 
 about to separate, he said, " Ferris,! believe you 
 are right in leaving the college. I believe your 
 principles are sound and good j but I do not see, 
 at present, that I am called to do as you have 
 done. If, at any time hereafter, I should see it 
 to be my duty to follow your example, I purpose 
 to have no will of my own ; but submit and obey 
 the will of my Master.'* We bade each other fare- 
 well, and I saw him no more ; but I afterwards 
 heard that to follow my example was a cross too 
 heavy for him to bear. He took to preaching for 
 a living among the Presbyterians ; and never left 
 them to my knowledge. 
 
 After I had parted with my companion, I went 
 on to New-Milford, where my parents and rela- 
 tions resided. About three weeks afterwards, I 
 went to a yearly meeting of the people called 
 Quakers on Long- Island ; in order to discover 
 whether they were a living people or not -, for a 
 living people I wished to find. I had thought for
 
 45 
 
 several years before that there ought to be sueli 
 a people; a people who had life in them, and 
 abounded in love to each other, as did the primi- 
 tive christians ; a people who knew they had 
 passed from death unto life, by their love to the 
 brethren. Here I gathered strength, and was 
 more confirmed that I was right in leaving the 
 college ; for I found a living, humble, heavenly 
 minded people; full of love and good works; 
 such a one a^ I had never seen before. I rejoiced 
 to find that which I had been seeking ; and soon 
 owned them to be the Lord's people ; the true 
 church of Christ ; according to his own descrip- 
 tion of it; where be says, <« By this shall all men 
 know that ye are my disciples, if ye love one an- 
 other." I also found they held and believed the 
 same doctrines, the truth of which had been mani- 
 fested to me immediately by the Holy Spirit. 
 Being the same that Robert Barclay had laid 
 down and well defended in his Apology. Before 
 I had read this work, I did not know there was a 
 people on earth who believed and lived in the 
 truth, as described by Barclay ; but here I found 
 a numerous society wlio held the same truths, and 
 lived an humble, self-denying life ; becoming the 
 character of christians. I was indubitably satis- 
 fied that their worship was in spirit and in truth; 
 and they such worshippers as the Father sought 
 and owned. I was convinced, beyond a doubt^
 
 46 
 
 that they preached the gospel in the demonstra~ 
 tion of the spirit ; and divine authority was felt 
 to attend their ministry. They were not like the 
 scribes, to whom I had been listeninp; all my life ; 
 who had neither commission nor authority, except 
 that which was received from man ; being such 
 as the Lord never sent ; and therefore could not 
 profit the people they professed to teach. I now 
 clearly saw the difference between man-made 
 ministers, and those whom the Lord qualifies and 
 sends into his harvest field ; the difference be- 
 tween the wheat and the chaff;, and it was mar- 
 vellous to me, to reflect how long 1 had sat under 
 a formal, dry and lifelesss ministry. 
 
 At the meeting before mentioned, there were 
 several eminent ministers from Europe, both 
 male and female. I there heard women preach 
 the gospel, in the divine authority of truth ; far 
 exceeding all the learned rabbles [ had known. 
 This was not so strange to me as it might have 
 been to others ; for I had before seen, by the im- 
 mediate manifestation of grace and truth, that 
 women, as well as men, might bo clothed with 
 gospel power j and that daughters as well as sons, 
 under the gospel dispensation, were to have the 
 spirit poured upon them, that they might pro- 
 phesy : and thougli I had never before heard a 
 woman preach, yet I now rejoiced to sec the pro- 
 phecy fulfilled.
 
 4*? 
 
 After I returned home from the yearly mepting, 
 I wrote a letter to the rector of the college, in- 
 forming him that I had determined not to return; 
 and that I could not, with freedom, take any au- 
 thority that man could give. 1 also informed him, 
 that since I left them, I had heard women preach 
 the gospel far better than any learned man 1 had 
 ever heard. 
 
 Having now left the college, and separated 
 myself from the people among whom I had been 
 educated, I saw great cause of thankfulness to 
 the Author of all good ; who had revealed to me 
 the errors of my youth, and the falsity of the doc- 
 trines imbibed in my education ; who had made 
 known to me his truth and people ; so that I had 
 no doubts remaining. It now became my prin- 
 cipal concern that I might be enabled to walk in 
 the truth, and witness the Holy Spirit to lead me 
 on my way. 
 
 In this state I admired the boundless goodness, 
 the infinite kindness, and tender mercy of a gra- 
 cious God, in effecting my late deliverance ; espe- 
 cially when I considered how tempestiious were 
 the seas, and how the billows rolled over me ; 
 how the mountains of opposition raised their lofty 
 heads to stop my passage ; and again, in a short 
 time, how the winds and seas were hushed and 
 still ; and how the mountains became a perfect 
 plain ! 1 truly found as great cause to sing upon
 
 48 
 
 the bahks of deliverance, as Israel did of old, when 
 they had passed through the sea on iivy ground ; 
 and had turned about and seen their enemies dead 
 on the shore. I rejoiced in the Lord, and satig 
 praises to Him, who for me had done marvellous 
 things; who had made me acquainted with his 
 blessed truth ; and at length gave me ability to 
 trample the world, and all its riches, honours and 
 pleasures, under my feet ; to submit to the cross 
 of Christ ; and be willing to be accounted a fool 
 of all men. For which favours I felt myself under 
 great obligations to my gracious Benefactor. 
 
 I will now return to a former part of my narra- 
 tive, and give some account of my reception by 
 my relatives. After I had parted with my class- 
 mate, on my way home from college, I heard that 
 my father had received intelligence of ray inten- 
 tions, and was much dissatisfied with my proceed- 
 ings ; saying, « If the accounts 1 have heard be 
 true, I desire he may never come to my house 
 again." Being thus informed, I went to my bro- 
 ther's. After some days 1 went to see my father. 
 He would not speak to me ; but turned and passed 
 away without taking notice of me. in a few days 
 afterwards 1 went a second time; but he still re- 
 fused to speak to me. After a few days I went the 
 third time, and met him at the door, and asked 
 after his health ; at the same time pulling off my 
 bat J (for at that time 1 was not convinced of the
 
 49 
 
 necessity of bearing a testimony against hat- 
 honour;) he replied, he was not very well, and 
 passed away. I then went into the house, and my 
 father returning, we sat down and entered into 
 conversation. He said he had heard I had left 
 the college and turned Quaker. In reply 1 told 
 him, it had been my endeavour for some years 
 past, to follow my divine Leader, and tliat I still 
 endeavouied to attend to the sauje Guide ; and 
 follow whithersoever he might lead me ; that I 
 apprehended he had led me to leave the college, 
 and forsake the way of my education ; and it 
 was possible that the same Guide might some time 
 lead me to join the people called Quakers ; but 
 that, as yet, I knew but little of them. After 
 some time spent in ccmversation of this kind, my 
 father queried what need there was to forsake the 
 way of my education ; <*for," said he, <* the Lord 
 has favoured you, and been with you in the Pres- 
 byterian way ; so that if you continue to fear and 
 serve him in that way, you may do well ; and will, 
 no doubt, end in peace." I answered, it was true 
 I had been much favoured under my former pro- 
 fession ; the Lord had been near me, and his living 
 presence with me. He had led and guided me by 
 his good Spirit, and had revealed his will to me 
 far beyond any thing 1 had deserved, or could have 
 expected ; and I still desired to follow that Teacher 
 who had never led me astray ,• but had brought
 
 50 
 
 me, step by step, from one degree of experience 
 to another, until I was obliged to leave the col- 
 lege; and bear a testimony against the formal pro- 
 fession 1 had made; and thus he had led me to the 
 present time. 
 
 Thus we conversed for some hours; my father 
 raising objections to the Quakers, and my joining 
 with them. But, through divine assistance, (with 
 which I think 1 was favoured,) I was enabled fully 
 to answer all his objections ; so that he was willing 
 to leave the subject ; and became moderate, and, 
 apparently, more easy in his mind. From that 
 time, during the remainder of his life, although he 
 had many opportunities, he never entered into 
 any arguments with rac on religious subjects ; but 
 was always kind and affectionate. 1 thought he 
 concluded I might do well in the way he found me, 
 and so remained satisfied. 
 
 After I had been some time at home, new objec- 
 tions arose in my mind against a compliance with 
 the customs of those among whom I resided ; 
 such as bowing and scraping; putting off the hat; 
 saying, ** Your servant, sir, madam, &c." and 
 against using the ungrammatical, corrupt lan- 
 guage of <'you" to a single person. Although, in 
 past years, I had known various exercises, and 
 thought I had learned many hard lessons, yet I 
 found much in me that required mortification, and 
 that I yet had many things to learn. To r«fuse
 
 51 
 
 the use of the plural language to a single person, 
 although it seemed a small matter, yet I found it 
 hard to submit to it. I was convinced, that the 
 common mode of speaking in the plural numher to 
 a single person, was a violation of the rules of 
 grammar, and unscriptural. I also believed the 
 pride of man had introduced the custom, yet I 
 thought it was not necessary to make myself ridi- 
 culous to all about me for a matter of so small im- 
 portance. So long, therefore, as no necessity was 
 laid upon me to take up the cross in that respect, 
 I continued to use the language of my education. 
 Yet I used compliments sparingly ; because, the 
 disuse of them was not so observable. How- 
 ever, it was not long before I found it my duty to 
 say «Thee" and *'Thou" to every individual. Ne- 
 vertheless, I found an inclination or temptations© 
 to turn the conversation as to shun this mode of 
 speech j yet this did not afford peace. Small as 
 the matter appeared, I could not be easy without 
 being entirely faithful in every respect ; and my 
 duty in this particular being clearly manifested, 
 I reasoned no longer with flesh and blood ; but sub- 
 mitted to the requiring. It was a rule with me to 
 do nothing of this kind by imitation ; but, when 
 any thing was required of me, to submit ; and thus 
 I obtained peace. 
 
 About this time, several scholars coming from 
 the college, invited me to accompany them on a
 
 52 
 
 visit to the minister in our settlement ; and ac» 
 eordingly I went with them. We waliied with our 
 hats under our arms, and so entered the house. 
 Just as we were about to depart, I was required 
 to bear a testimony' against the hat honour. Sol 
 rose, put on my hat, went to the priest, and bade 
 Lim farewell, without putting my hand to it, or 
 bowing my body. This being the first time I had 
 refused these compliments, it was a close trial 5 
 and it appeared remarkable, that it should be re- 
 quired of me at such a time, and in such company : 
 but neither the priest, nor my companions, took 
 notice of it, so as to make any remark. My obe- 
 dience afforded me great peace ; and, by yielding 
 to these inward motions of the sure Guide, in small 
 things, I gained strength ; and was more and more 
 confirmed that I was right in making such a 
 change. 
 
 I now began to lay aside some of the superflui- 
 ties of my dress, and to appear like a Quaker ; 
 believing it was required of me not to hide myself 
 in any respect ; but boldly to bear a testimony to 
 the truth; so far as it was clearly manifested to 
 me. I did not then wonder that people admired 
 at our folly, (as they think it to be,) in making our- 
 selves a laughing-stock and by-word, by our sin- 
 gularities ; because, so it appeared to me but a 
 short time before I was obliged to submit to it. I 
 loved the honour and esteem of men, as well as
 
 53 
 
 others; and would have enjoyed it, if I could have 
 had it with peace of mind ; but that is not allowed 
 in the school of Christ, where nothing will do with- 
 out self-denial and taking up the daily cross; and 
 if, on our part, there be a full submission in every 
 respect, I can say, from experience, that our peace 
 will flow as a river. 
 
 Having left the college without taking a degree, 
 it was probable I should have no salary to depend 
 on for subsistence. I had disobliged my father, 
 and of course had nothing to expect from him ; 
 and I had but little of my own to support me. And 
 now, being come to the twenty-fifth year of ray 
 age, I began to think it necessary to use some 
 endeavours to obtain a livelihood. I had for seve- 
 ral years before this period thought I should go 
 to reside in Pennsylvania ; and this prospect now 
 opened so clearly, that I was inclined to believe it 
 was my duty to go there. I accordingly made 
 ready and went, in company with three minister- 
 ing friends from Europe, then on a religious visit 
 to America. We arrived in Philadelphia about 
 the middle of the Sixth month, 1733. 
 
 Here ends that part of my narrative which was 
 written in my youth in the Latin language. 
 
 As I observed before, I arrived in Philadelphia 
 in 1733. I concluded that if I could establish my- 
 self in business that would be likely to answer, I 
 would, for some time, make the city my residence. 
 
 £ 2
 
 54 
 
 After the yearly meeting was over, and I had be- 
 come a little acquainted with Friends, and known 
 among them, I proposed to open a school, to teach 
 the Latin and Greek languages. But, as I was a 
 stranger, and those children that were intended 
 to be taught these languages were mostly entered 
 in other schools, I was doubtful whether I should 
 be able to get a sufficient number of sucli scholars. 
 I therefore agreed to teach English also ; and, in 
 time, I had a school, of both sexes, sufficiently 
 large for my support. 
 
 Being a stranger, I consequently met with trials 
 and difficulties. For a while my school was small 
 and not likely to support me ; but I endeavoured 
 to be resigned, and repose with confidence in an 
 all-sufficient Providence, from whom I had often 
 received help in times of great trial. My difficul- 
 ties were increased by the low state of my funds. 
 The weather was now beginning to grow cold. It 
 was customary for the teacher to find wood for 
 fuel, and for the scholars to pay a proportion of 
 the expense, when they paid for their quarter's 
 tuition ; and as 1 had but few scholars, and no 
 money yet due, and not two shillings of my own 
 remaining, 1 was very thoughtful how to procure 
 wood. No one knew the state of my purse ; nor 
 did I desire to make it known ; and this I should 
 do if I attempted to borrow. I, therefore, omitted 
 to buy, as long as I well could. 1 did not like to
 
 55 
 
 ask for credit ; and if I did, it was doubtful whe- 
 ther I should obtain it ; so that I was closely tried. 
 But, while I was under this exercise, the weather 
 was more moderate than usual at that season. 
 After I had been sufficiently tried, to prove ray 
 faith and confidence in divine Providence, a 
 Friend came into my school, and privately gave 
 me twenty shillings;* which, he said, had been 
 sent by a Friend, who did not wish to be known 
 as the donor. For this unexpected favour, I was 
 thankful to the Lord, whose mercies endure for 
 ever. Having now the means, I soon purchased 
 some wood ; and the weather, in a short time, be- 
 coming colder, I had a renewed sense of the kind- 
 ness of Providence, who had so seasonably relieved 
 me. But afterwards, when my stock of wood was 
 nearly exhausted, I was brought into the same 
 difficulty and trial, as before ; and as much needed 
 a renewal of my faith. I strove to be quiet, and 
 to have my dependence placed on Him who fed 
 a great multitude with a few loaves and little 
 fishes ; and just as I began to suffer, another 
 twenty shilling bill was privately presented to me 
 by an unknown hand ; but I received it as coming 
 from the Lord, who knew all my difficulties. 
 
 Thus was I again relieved ; and never, after- 
 wards, received any thing more in this way ; nor 
 
 ♦Twenty shillings in 1733, would, probably, be equally valu- 
 ible with ten dollars in 1825,
 
 56 
 
 did I ever need it ; as I was suiRciently supplied 
 by the proceeds of my business. This was a con- 
 firmation to me, that I had been assisted by a 
 watchful Providence, who knows all states and 
 conditions, both internal and external ; and is able 
 and willing to turn the hearts of his people, and 
 constrain them to help the needy ; as, formerly, 
 he sent the ravens to feed the prophet. 
 
 I have made these few remarks for the sake of 
 those who may be in similar circumstances, and 
 stand in need of faith and confidence in the care 
 of divine Providence, over his dependent people ; 
 desiring they may afford them encouragement to 
 put their trust wholly in the Lord, and not faint 
 in the day of inward or outward trials. 
 
 After I had been about six months in Philadel- 
 phia, I requested to be taken into membership 
 with Friends ; and was, accordingly, received. 
 Some time after I had Joined the Society, I began 
 to think of settling myself, and to marry, when 
 the way should appear without obstruction ; which 
 was not then the case. I considered marriage to 
 be the most important concern in this life. ♦< Mar- 
 riage," said the apostle, " is honourable in all.'* 
 I concluded he meant that it was honourable to all 
 who married from pure motives, to the right ptr- 
 son, and in the proper way and time, as divine 
 Providence should direct. I believed it best for 
 most men to marry -, and that there was, for each
 
 57 
 
 man, one woman that would suit him better thau 
 any other. It appears to me essential that all men 
 should seek for wisdoiiif and wait for it, to guide 
 them in this important undertaking; because, no 
 man, without divine assistance, is able to discover 
 who is the right person for him to marry ; but the 
 Creator of both can and will direct him. And 
 why, in such an important concern, should we not 
 seek for counsel, as well as in matters of minor 
 consequence ? There is, moreover, greater dan- 
 ger of erring in this than in some other concerns, 
 from our being too impatient to wait for the point- 
 ings of divine Wisdom ; lest, by so doing, we might 
 lose some supposed benefit. It is common for 
 young people to think and say, «' I would not 
 marry such a person ; for certain reasons : such 
 as the want of beauty, wit, education," &c. ; and to 
 affirm that they could not love such a one ; but 
 we may err by an over- hasty conclusion, as well 
 as by any other neglect of our true Guide. 
 
 I now propose to give some hints of my own pro- 
 ceedings in this concern. Near the place of my 
 residence there lived a comely young woman, of 
 a good, reputable family ; educated in plainness; 
 favoured with good natural talents : and in good 
 circumstances. Every view of the ease was fa- 
 vourable to my wishes. 
 
 By some hints I liad received, it appeared pro- 
 bable that my addresses would be agreeable to
 
 58 
 
 Iier; and some of my best friends urged the 
 attempt. From inattention to my heavenly Guide, 
 1 took the hint from man ; and foHowing my own 
 inclination, I moved without asking my divine 
 Master's advice, I went to spend an evening with 
 the young woman, if I should find it agreeable 
 when there. Slie and her mother were sitting 
 together ; and no other person present. They 
 received me in a friendly manner; but 1 think I 
 had not chatted with them more than half an hour, 
 before I heard something, like a still small voice, 
 saying to me, " Seekest Ihou great things for thy- 
 self? — seek them not." This language pierced 
 me like a sword to the heart. It so filled me with 
 confusion, that I was unfit for any further conver- 
 sation. I endeavoured to conceal my disorder ; 
 and soon took my leave, without opening, to either 
 the mother or her daughter, the subject which had 
 led me to visit them. And I, afterwards, had sub- 
 stantial reason to think it was well for me that I 
 had failed in this enterprize. 
 
 I was so confused and benumbed by this adven- 
 ture, that I did not recover my usual state for 
 several months ; though I could not suddenly see 
 that my error was acting without permission ; but 
 began to suppose that 1 sliould never be suffered 
 to marry ; and should have to pass my life with- 
 out a companion, or a home. 1 endeavoured to be 
 resigned to this view 5 supposing it was the Lord's
 
 59 
 
 will ; but, for several months, it wns a severe 
 trial. At length 1 was brought to submit, and 
 say, ** Amen." This simple account of my visit 
 to that young woman, is designed as a warning to 
 others ; that they may shun the snare into which 
 I was so near falling. 
 
 I shall now relate another of my movements, 
 with respect to marriage, which I believe was a 
 right one ; as it terminated to lasting satisfaction. 
 It may appear strange to some : as if [ married 
 in the cross ; and, I suppose, few will be inclined 
 to follow my example. Yet, if the divine Teacher 
 of truth and righteousness be attended to, it may 
 be the lot of some. After I had been much mor- 
 tified and humbled, under a sense of my former 
 mis-step, I went, one day, to a Friend's house to 
 dine. As I sat at the table, 1 observed a young 
 wo?nan sitting opposite to me, whom 1 did not re- 
 member ever to have seen before. My attention, 
 at that time, being otherwise engaged, I took very 
 little notice of her ; but a language very quietly, 
 and very pleasantly, passed through my mind, on 
 this wise, ♦♦ If thou wilt marry that young woman, 
 thou shalt be happy with her." There was such 
 a degree of divine virtue attending the intimation, 
 that it removed all doubt concerning its origin and 
 Author. I took a view of her, and thought she was 
 a goodly person ; but, as we moved from the table, 
 I perceived she was lame. The cause of her lame-
 
 80 
 
 ness I knew not ; but was displeased that I should 
 have a cripple allotted to me. It was eloar to me, 
 beyond all doubt, that the language 1 had heard 
 was trum heaven ; but 1 presumptuously thought 
 I would ratl)er choose for myself. The next day 
 the subject was calmly presented to my mind, like 
 a query, »* Why shouldst thou despise her for her 
 lameness ? it may be no fault of hers. Thou art 
 favoured with sound limbs, and a capacity for 
 active exertion; and would it not be kind and be- 
 nevolent in thee, to bear a part of her infirmity, 
 and to sympathize with her? She may be affec- 
 tionate and kind to thee ; and thou shalt be happy 
 in a compliance with thy duty." Notwithstanding 
 all this, 1 continued to reason against these con- 
 Tictions ; alleging that it was more than I could 
 bear. The enemy of my happiness was busily 
 engaged, in raising arguments against a compli- 
 ance with my duty. Suggesting that it was an 
 unreasonable thing that 1 should be united to a 
 lame wife ; and that every one who knew me, 
 would admire at my folly.* Thus, from day to 
 day, and week to week, I reasoned against it ; 
 until, at length, my kind Benefactor, in a loving 
 and benevolent manner, opened to my view, that, 
 if I were left to choose for myself, and to take a 
 
 • The author's person was rather uncommonly good, and it 
 i» probable he might have thought too highly of personal ex- 
 cellence.
 
 61 
 
 wife to please my fancy, she might be an affliction 
 to me all the days of my life ; and lead me astray, 
 so as to endanger my future happiness. Or she 
 might fall into vicious practices; notwithstanding 
 that, at the time of her marriage, she might be 
 apparently virtuous ; it was, therefore, unsafe to 
 trust to my natural understanding. On the other 
 hand, here was a companion provided for me by- 
 unerring Wisdom ; so that I might rely with safety 
 on the choice. Still I was unwilling to submit. 
 But heavenly kindness followed me, in order to 
 convince me that it would be best to comply, and 
 no longer resist the truth. At length it pleased 
 the Lord, once more, clearly to show me that if I 
 would submit, it should not only tend to my own 
 happiness, but that a blessing should rest on my 
 posterity. This was so great a favour, and mani- 
 fested so much divine regard, that I no longer 
 resisted ; but concluded to pay the young woman 
 a visit, and open the subject for her consideration ; 
 but, after I Ijad laid my proposition before her, I 
 still had hopes that I might be excused ; and only 
 visited her occasionally. During this time, for 
 several months, I endured great trials} and afflic- 
 tions, before I was fully resigned. But, after 
 divine Goodness had prevailed over my rebellious 
 nature, all things relating to my marriage wore a 
 pleasant aspect. The young woman appeared 
 beautiful ; and I was prepared to receive her as a 
 gift from heaven 5 fully as good as I deserved. 
 
 / 
 /
 
 62 
 
 We waited about six mouths for my parents' eon- 
 sent, from New-England, (a conversance by letter 
 being at that time difficult to obtain,) and aceom- 
 piished our marriage on the thirteenth of the 
 Ninth month 1735, in the city of IMiiladelphia. 
 
 It is now forty years since we manied ; and I 
 can truly say, that I never repented it j but have 
 always regarded our union as a proof of divine 
 kindness. I am fully sensible there was no woman 
 on earth so suitable for me as she was. And all 
 those things which were shown me, as the e(mse- 
 quence of my submission, are punctually fulfilled. 
 A blessing has rested on me and my posterity. 
 I have lived to see my children, arrived to years 
 of understanding, favoured with a knowledge of 
 the truth; (which is the greatest of all blessings;) 
 and some of them, beyond all doubt, are landed in 
 eternal felicity. I have been blessed with plenty 5 
 and, ab«)ve all, with peace. 1 am, therefore, satis- 
 fied and thankful to my giaciuus Benefactor, for 
 Lis kindness to me in this concern ; as well as for 
 all his other favours ; who am not deserving of the 
 least of aU the mercies and all the truth which he 
 has shown to his unworthy servant. 
 
 1 have given this relation, so circumstantially, 
 with a view to show how incapable we are to see 
 things in their true liglit, until we are truly hum- 
 bled, and brought into subjection to the divine 
 will ; and how unsafe it is for poor, frail, short- 
 sighted creatures^ to reject so safe a counsellor^
 
 68 
 
 and trust to their own wisdom, in concerns of such 
 importance. Therefore, let all seek that •' Wis- 
 dom that Cometh from above ; which is pure, 
 peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated." 
 
 Whilst I was proceeding in my concerns relat- 
 ing to marriage, I was also thoughtful concerning 
 the proper place to reside ; and the business I 
 shoulil engage in for support. I had now kept a 
 school nearly four years ; and had i)artly conclud- 
 ed to resign that employment, on account of the 
 confinement necessarily attending it; and having 
 heard of a new settlement, then making in the 
 county of New-Castle, (since called Wilmington,) 
 I was inclined to see it; and thought, if it pleased 
 me, I might, perhaps, settle there. It had been 
 a subject of frequent consideration ; but when I 
 mentioned it to my wife, she appeared unwilling 
 to leave Philadelphia; as she had lived there 
 nearly all her life ; and her relations resided in 
 that city. But William Shipley and his wife, from 
 Springfield, in Chester county, proposing, in a 
 short time, to settle in Wilmington, I went with 
 them to see the place. It pleased me so well that 
 I rented a lot of ground there ; and, on my return, 
 told my wife what I had done. She thought we 
 would never make use of it. 
 
 In those days, by various trials, exercises, and 
 alflictions, I was reduced to a very low state. My 
 natural powers seemed to be so much weakened, 
 that I could not judge what course to take, or how
 
 64 
 
 to proceed, in my temporal concerns, as I had for- 
 merly done ; or as others could do ; so that I saw 
 wo way for me to move, with prudence or sattly, 
 without immediate direction from the Fountain of 
 "Wisdom. And, I may say, with humility of heart, 
 and thankfulness to the God of ail mercies, as I 
 sought for it, and waited for direction, I sought 
 him not in vain. I waited upon him ; not daring 
 to move until he appeared to point out the way ; 
 and he failed not to show me what step I should 
 take, and when to take it, in a wonderful manner. 
 It was marvellous in my eyes, that a poor worm 
 should be thus favoured ; and I should not venture 
 to mention how particularly 1 was led, if I did 
 not believe it to be my duty. 
 
 Observing how ignorant and thoughtless man- 
 kind are, in general, of a divine Instructor, espe- 
 cially in their temporal concerns, supposing them- 
 selves sufficient to manage the affairs of this life, 
 they do not expect or seek for superior intelli- 
 gence. I feel anxious for an amendment, where 
 we are out of the true order ; and shall now give 
 some hints of my own experience in relation to 
 this subject. 
 
 As before mentioned, I had taken a lot of ground 
 in Wilmington j but as yet it was not clear to me 
 that it would be best for us to reside there ; and 
 my wife seeming unwilling to think of it, great 
 were the trials that attended my mind. 
 
 To move from one place to another, in our own
 
 65 
 
 time and will, I believe is a matter of serious oon- 
 sequencc. A change of residence appears to me 
 next in importance to marriage ; and, therefore, 
 requires the same divine Wisdom to direct us 
 aright. We may he qualified for service in one 
 place ; and, by removing, to a distance, unless 
 we are directed by unerring counsel, the designs 
 of Providence respecting us, may be frustrated ; 
 and our usefulness lessened. 
 
 Under these considerations I was reduced very 
 low in mind ; being sensible of my own inability 
 rightly to direct my course. I was full of cares 
 and fears; and so humbled that I was willing to 
 be or do any thing that was pleasing to my dear 
 Master; so that I might be favoured with a 
 knowledge of his will ; even if it were to take my 
 axe or spade and labour for the support of my 
 small family. After many months spent in anxious 
 solicitude on this subject, light gradually arose on 
 my mind. Some times it appeared best to move ; 
 and again the prospect seemed dark and cloudy ; 
 but, at length, the prospect of removing to the 
 new settlement of which I have spoken, and of 
 keeping a store for the sale of goods there, ap- 
 peared so clear, that I applied for a house con- 
 venient for this purpose, if I should conclude to 
 remove. Yet, although I had proceeded so far, I 
 VfSkA under a daily care lest I should be mistaken, 
 and rake a w rong step ; so as to bring a reproach 
 
 on the profession of truth I had made to the world. 
 
 F 2
 
 66 
 
 While I was under this concern, I was taken ill 
 wit!) tlie small-pox ', and had it pretty severely. 
 When on the recovery, as I sat by the fire one 
 evening, in company with my wife, I received a 
 letter from the owner of the house, of which I had 
 tiie refusal. He informed me that I must write to 
 him the next morning, and say whether I would 
 take it or not ; as another person had determined 
 to take possession of it. There was no other house 
 in the settlement which would be at all suitable 
 for my intended business. This brought me into 
 a close trial. After I had read the letter to my 
 wife, we sat silent for some time. At length she 
 cheerfully said, "Well, let us go." Which I re- 
 joiced to hear ; although, at that time, the pros- 
 pect was enveloped in darkness. 1 made her but 
 little reply ; and being weak in body, and dark in 
 mind, I retired to bed. After I had lain some time, 
 revolving the difficulties of my situation, with fer- 
 vent desires for divine direction, I went to sleep; 
 and had a good night's rest ; which 1 had not en- 
 joyed before, during that illness. About the dawn 
 of the day, it seemed as if I heard a clear and 
 intelligible language, saying to me, " Go and 
 prosper j fear not ; the cattle on a thousand hills 
 are mine ; and I give them to whom I please. Be- 
 hold ! I will be with thee." Immediately all my 
 doubts vanished ; 1 saw, with sutlicicnt clearness, 
 that I might go with safety ; and hope for a com- 
 petent subsistence. These circumstances I related
 
 .67 
 
 to my wife ; ami told her of my prospects ; which 
 afForded her encouragement. I then arose, and 
 wrote to the owner of the house ; informing him 
 that I had concluded to take it ; and that I hoped 
 to move at the time proposed. Accordingly I re- 
 moved to it, with my family, in the Third month, 
 1737 ; taking with me some goods for my store. 
 
 After our removal, the minds of tlie people, both 
 in town and country, were inclined to deal with 
 us : and we soon sold the few goods we brought 
 from the city. I then had occasion to think of '* the 
 cattle on a thousand hills," with heart-felt grati- 
 tude to him who kcepeth covenant with his chil- 
 dren, and whose mercies fail not. He neither 
 slumbereth nor slecpeth ; but his watchful eye 
 regardeth his depending people, as 1 have ever 
 found. 
 
 I will now give some of my views on the subject 
 of business, lawful for christians to engage in. 
 Children may be apprenticed to trades which are 
 inconsistent with a christian profession. For in- 
 stance, some are taught to make instruments of 
 war; which they who believe in the peaceable doc- 
 trines of Christ cannot lawfully engage in. There 
 are several other callings which I believe chris- 
 tians cannot consistently follow. 
 
 It is the duty of those who profess to follow 
 Christ, the light of the world, to consider whether 
 the business in which they engage, is agreeable to 
 his will j and, if a doubt arise respecting its pro-"
 
 68 
 
 priety, to ask counsel, and wait for wisdom, to 
 know how to proceed. I was educated under a 
 supposition that human learning was sufllcient to 
 qualify me to teach people the way to peace and 
 happiness. This was clearly revealed to me to he 
 a mistake: and I had not the shadow of a douht, 
 that they who acquired human learning, to qualify 
 them for the gospel ministry, were entirely wrong. 
 In consequence of this conviction, I employed my- 
 self in teaching a school j which I helieve was 
 right for me at that time. And when I purposed 
 to enter into another business, being convinced 
 that I ought to ask counsel of the great Counsellor, 
 I did not run in my own will, and choose my own 
 ways. I was satisfied, that, as we were blessed 
 with a divine Teacher, it was our duty to follow 
 his directions, in temporal, as well as spiritual 
 concerns ; especially in movements of importance. 
 And when I believed it would be right to keep a 
 store, I was desirous that I might proceed in the 
 business under the direction of Him who seemed 
 willing to teach me. Not having served an ap- 
 prenticeship to the mercantile business, I was 
 ignorant of the quality and prices of goods ; it was, 
 therefore, probable I should be under some diffi- 
 culty in these respects. But, as 1 kept near my 
 Guide, he never failed to direct me safely ; both 
 in my religious progress and my worldly concerns. 
 The advantages arising from a faithful attention 
 to the leadings of the Holy Spirit, are very great j
 
 69 
 
 far greater than my tongue or pen can express | 
 even in the management of our temporal affairs. 
 And, I believe, all real christians might have 
 their understandings enlightened, and their eyes 
 anointed, clearly to see how to proceed in all con- 
 cerns of importance, provided the pure fear of the 
 Lord prevailed in their hearts 5 and an humhle 
 dependance and full confidence in the all-sufficient 
 Helper were steadily maintained. 1 speak from 
 experience. He has been my instructor in a very 
 particular manner ; much more so than I have 
 mentioned, or than I can describe ; and I am far 
 from supposing that I have been more deserving 
 than others. Christ said, " Ask and ye shall re- 
 ceive." I asked for his direction and assistance, 
 and he helped me, and I found the promise true. 
 
 I believe it is consistent with the divine Will, 
 that all should have their hope and dependance 
 more fully placed in his almighty power ; and that 
 they should wait for instruction from him, in all 
 their undertakings. Thus, their understandings 
 would be enlarged ; their ideas would be clear; 
 and, having submitted all to the disposal of divine 
 Providence, who had directed their proceedings, 
 they would go forward without any anxious cares, 
 or distracting thoughts, respecting events. I know 
 this to my comfort. So far as I have conformed 
 to this view, a blessing has attended my under- 
 takings, besides the blessings of peace and an easy 
 mind.
 
 70 
 
 But, before 1 leave this subject, I will observe, 
 that 1 did not always so closely attend to my 
 blessed Instructor as I ought to have done : of 
 which 1 will relate some instances. It was the 
 practice of shop-keepers to sell rum ; and I was 
 told that if I did not conform to it, I need not ex- 
 pect to do any business of importance. So, with- 
 out waiting for direction, I fell into the practice; 
 and followed it for several years ; until it became 
 a suhjoct of uneasiness to me. I found many used 
 that article to the injury, both of body and mind. 
 Som*^ spent their estates to procure it ; and thus 
 brought themselves and their families into want 
 and distress; which gave me trouble of mind. 
 But, b«Mng unwilling to lose the profits of this 
 branch of business, I adopted an expedient to 
 soothe my pain ; which was, to refuse selling it to 
 such as [ thought would make an evil use of it. 
 But this did not answer my expectations ; for they 
 would send for it by those who were not suspected. 
 At length 1 was made willing to relinquish the 
 profits on this article; and trust to Providence for 
 the result. I ceased to sell it ; which afforded 
 me peace, and made no great diminution of my 
 business. 
 
 It was also customary, in those days, for Friends, 
 as well as otiiers, to sell many superfluous arti- 
 cles: such as gay calicoes ; flowered ribands ; and 
 other fine things ; which we, as a society, did not 
 allow our families to wear ; and which it was not
 
 74 
 
 consistent with our profession to encourage in 
 others. W ith these views, I endeavoured to lay 
 aside all such suptrfluities, and to deal in such 
 articles only, as were really useful. I was told 
 that if 1 refused to sell such gcjods, I might quit 
 my business ; but, as 1 did it from a sense of duty, 
 I was not sensible that t sustained any loss by it. 
 
 After I had been in business several years, and 
 had increased in wealth, three or four of my fel- 
 low-townsmen concluded to build a vessel, and 
 trade to the West Indies ; and, without consulting 
 my kind Instructor, ( was prevailed upon to join 
 them. But, being favoured to see my error, I with- 
 drew from the concern, as soon as possible ; and 
 confined myself to the business of my store. As I 
 attended to this business, I found I could not feel 
 easy to sell my goods for as much as I could get 
 for them ; as was the practice with many ; but by 
 selling them at a moderate profit, I obtained peace 
 of mind. 
 
 I am aware that many, and even some who 
 make a high profession of religion, will deem my 
 remarks on business, marriage, &c. unworthy of 
 notice ; and be ready to smile at them, as the 
 whims and notions of a distempered, enthusiastic 
 brain ; because they may have had no such expe- 
 rience. Yet, there may be others, who, having 
 had some knowledge of this way, will be glad of 
 these remarks; for I am sure, beyo!id all doubt, 
 that what 1 have written is true, and well worthy
 
 / 
 
 72 
 
 of attention.* And if men were universally to 
 attend to the direction of Him who is come to lead 
 us into all truth, the wars, and devas'arion now 
 prevailing in our land would not have existed. f 
 
 I will now recur to the time when I first joined 
 the society of Friends. — After 1 was admitted into 
 membership, 1 diligently attended all our meetings 
 for worship and discipline; and greatly admired 
 the beautiful order established in the societ\; and 
 the living gospel ministry with which we were 
 favoured. After I had been a member about one 
 year, I was concerned to appear in the ministry; 
 and excite the careless to a consideration of their 
 « latter end." I had passed through many vicis- 
 situdes and tribulations; but when this concern 
 was laid upon me, it seemed heavier than any 
 thing I h.id ever had to bear. 1 thought I could 
 never be resigned to it. When I was called out 
 of the vanities of my youth; and was obliged to 
 submit to the cross of Christ; to become a laugh- 
 ing-stock, and a by-word, to my companions and 
 acquaintances; I was so humbled ; so mortified; 
 and self HO much abased; I thought I could submit 
 to any thing tiiat might afterwards be rcqjiiredof 
 
 * when we censider the superficial state of most religious 
 professors, it is no marvel tliey should reject the doctrine of 
 spiritual direction in secular concerns; although it was plainly 
 promised by Christ: " When he the Spirit of Truth is come, he 
 yrWl^iide you into all truth." — John xvi. 13- 
 
 •t The revolutionary war.
 
 IS 
 
 me. Again, when I passed through that great 
 trial of leaving the college, in the manner before 
 related ; to deny all the honours, friendships, 
 pleasant connections, and riches of the world, I 
 concluded I should never again meet with so great 
 a trial. But I was mistaken. This far exceeded 
 all I had previously encountered. I, however, 
 submitted so far as to speak a few times in our 
 meetings; and then, through great fear that I 
 should not be able to persevere, I was induced to 
 be silent ; and postpone the performance of this 
 duty until a more <« convenient season ;" or more 
 full manifestation of the divine will. I concluded, 
 that if I should continue, for any considerable 
 time, to appear as a minister, and afterwards 
 should be silent, it would bring greater dishonour 
 on my profession than thus to cease at an early 
 period of such a concern. Sometimes I hoped thai 
 at a future meeting the trial would not be so se- 
 vere ; at others, that more strength would be 
 granted me. Thus I reasoned, from month to 
 month, and year to year, during seven years. In 
 all which time the concern was often so heavy, 
 that I sat, and trembled, through the time of meet- 
 ing ; and then went away full of sorrow, trouble 
 and pain of heart. 
 
 For several years after this, I seldom felt this 
 concern; yet I was still sensible that I had a work 
 of this kind to do ; and felt great pain in neglect- 
 ing it. I saw no way to obtain peace of mind^ bnt 
 
 6
 
 74 
 
 by a submission to the cross, and becoming wiliing 
 to be accounted a fooJ j and this being a severe 
 trial, I evaded it. Sometimes I had a feint hope 
 that I should yet obtain strength to proceed in the 
 work ; at other times, I was almost in despair. 
 Thus I passed along for fifteen years ; during 
 which time my error was manifested to me in 
 various ways. Sometimes, by the Holy Spirit, 
 showing me that "obedience is better than sacri- 
 fice, and to hearken to the voice «f the Lord, than 
 the fat of rams." Sometimes, by the ministry of 
 his messengers ; and sometimes, by dreams, &e. 
 Thus, in great mercy, the Lord followed me as he 
 did Ephraim of old ; saying, " How shall I give 
 thee up, O Ephraim ?'* 
 
 One night I dreamed that I saw a large, spa- 
 cious building, in an unfinished state ; and the 
 master builder, who appeared an excellent per- 
 son, came to me, as I stood at a distance, and de- 
 sired me to go and take a view of it ; to which I 
 agreed; and as we were- surveying it, and exa- 
 mining the particular parts, I observed that among 
 the many pillars, erected for the support of the 
 building, there was one lacking. I queried of him, 
 what was the cause of that vacancy. He replied, 
 it was left for me ; and that I was specially de- 
 signed and prepared for the place ; and showed 
 me how I fitted it ; like a mortise is fitted to its 
 tenon. So that I saw ift mv dream that all he said 
 was true. Bui, notwithstanding all this^ 1 objected
 
 75 
 
 to my capacity and fitness to fill the vacancy ; and 
 was, therefore, unwilling to occupy it. He endea- 
 voured, by the most convincing reasons, to remove 
 all my objections ; and to demonstrate that I was 
 fitted for the place. He further told me, that they 
 had not another prepared for it ; and that the 
 building would be retarded if I did not comply 
 with the design. After he had reasoned with me 
 along time, and I still refused, he appeared to be 
 grieved ; and told me it was a great pity that I 
 should be rendered useless in the house, by my 
 own obstinacy. And then added, *' But it must 
 not be so ; for if thou wilt not be a pillar, thou 
 shalt be a plank for the floor.'* He then showed 
 me how I might be flatted and prepared for that 
 purpose. But I refused that place also j on the 
 ground that it looked too diminutive to be a plank 
 to be trod upon by all who came into the house. 
 At this the master was troubled ; seeing I would 
 accept no place that was offered me : but, after a 
 long debate, he concluded to leave the propositions 
 Ite had made, for my further consideration j and 
 so we parted. 
 
 The next day I was at a meeting on Long- 
 Island, and a concern came heavily upon me to 
 say something that was presented to my mind. 
 The burden of the word was weighty, and more 
 difficult to remove than usual ; but I contended 
 with it, and, at length, refused to comply. I was 
 then in company with two women Friends. The
 
 76 
 
 following night one of them dreamed that she saw 
 me sitting by a pleasant stream of water j before 
 me a table was spread with all manner of dain- 
 ties ; but I was chained, so that 1 could not reach 
 any of them : at which she was troubled ; and 
 asked the master of the feast, why I was deprived 
 of the liberty to partake of the good things on the 
 table. He answered, that the time had been, 
 when, on certain conditions, I might have enjoyed 
 them to the full ; but that I had refused the terms, 
 and therefore was now justly deprived of them. 
 She inquired of him whether this must always be 
 my case. He answered, perhaps not ; that if I 
 would yet submit, and comply with the terms, it 
 was not too late to partake of all the good things 
 she saw. The interpretation of this dream, and 
 of mine the night before, was easy and plain. 
 They rested on my mind for several years, as 
 cause of humbling instruction ; and excitement to 
 future care, diligence, and obedience. 
 
 The next day, as we were travelling towards a 
 town where we intended to have a meeting the 
 following day, we were informed that a p<'ople, 
 called the New-lights, were to have a meeting 
 there the same day ; and that we might, probably, 
 get there at the time their meeting was sitting. 
 As soon as I heard it, I thought the word of the 
 Lord passed through me, saying, " Thou must go 
 to that meeting." 1 knew not the object, but sup- 
 posed it might be to bear a testimony against their
 
 77 
 
 errors in worship and practice ; and to proclaim 
 the truths of the gospel in their hearing. I rode 
 on without speaking to my companions ; hut the 
 concern remained weightily with me. I endea- 
 voured, as usual, to get from under it ; saying to 
 my Master, " I am in no wise qualified for the 
 service ;" and desiring that he would send by 
 those who were fitted for such a work; or, as 
 Moses said, " by whom he would send ;" so that 
 I might be excused. Whilst I was struggling to 
 evade this service, one of the women turned to me 
 and said, " Why canst thou not go to this meeting 
 of the New-lights, and proclaim to them the truth, 
 as our Friends did formerly ?" Her speech added 
 fuel to the fire tiiat was burning within me. I 
 thought it came with divine authority ; but I made 
 her no reply; having before as much as I could 
 well bear. I, however, felt an engagement to 
 press forward ; and when we arrived at the house, 
 where we intended to tarry for refreshment, be- 
 ing under great exercise of mind, I walked back- 
 ward and forward across the room. The friend 
 who had spoken to me on the road, I observed, 
 was under great exercise also. I walked and rea- 
 soned as long as I well could. At length the power 
 of opposition was overcome ; and I was obliged to 
 submit. I then observed to the friend, <« I believe 
 I must go to that meeting." She replied, " I be- 
 lieve so also." The landlord, hearing what was 
 said, proposed to go with me ; and I accepted of 
 
 02
 
 78 
 
 his offer. So being pressed in spirit to make haste, 
 we set out ^ and coming to the meeting-house, I 
 stepped on the door-sill, to go in, and at that in- 
 stant the meeting broke up. I then stepped aside, 
 and stood still, in retirement of mind ; waiting to 
 know my duty. The people rushed out of the 
 house ; and I found my mind relieved of concern; 
 so I was easy to return, Avithout further service. 
 I believed the will to act, in this case, was ac- 
 cepted for the deed ; and I returned in peace. 
 
 Thus was 1 shown that my divine Master was 
 able to bring me to a state of submission to his 
 holy will ; and I then concluded that, if he would 
 excuse me from such a trying service, I would no 
 longer refuse to speak among those of my own 
 persuasion. 
 
 But after all this, I proceeded with a heavy 
 heart; being convinced that my work was ne- 
 glected. It was several years, after this occur- 
 rence, before I fully submitted to the divine will ; 
 in all which time I went on lamenting my unfaith- 
 fulness. Sometimes I had a hope, as it were, 
 against hope, that I should obtain a \jctory over 
 that slavish fear which had so long enthralled me. 
 At other times I was ready to conclude there was 
 110 cause to hope for deliverance from it. Yet, 
 during this period, I was not wholly forsaken by 
 my divine Master; but was enabled to perform, I 
 hoi)C with acceptance, some services for him: 
 such as warning the drunkard, the profane
 
 79 
 
 swearer, anil the liar, of the evil of their ways ; 
 and advising them to repent. Sometimes, during 
 this period, I was also concerned to accompany 
 Friends, who were engaged to visit religious 
 meetings in distant places^ in yielding to which 
 I found peace. Yet, when abroad on such services, 
 and my call to the ministry was brought into view, 
 the sense of my neglect sunk my spirits ; and pain 
 of heart attended mc. Thus I spent more than 
 twenty years ! 
 
 Although, as has been mentioned, I had been 
 many times invited, and had received indubitable 
 evidence of the divine will, both immediately and 
 instrumentally, so that every doubt was removed 
 from my mind ; yet the fear of man, the fear of 
 missing my way, the fear of doing more harm 
 than good, prevailed against me ; so that I thought 
 I should never be able to submit to the divine 
 will concerning me. But, towards the termination 
 of the aforesaid time, I felt more lively ; and a 
 concern to appear in the ministry revived. Being 
 from home, at a meeting, I was concerned to say 
 something to the people ; but, according to my 
 usual custom, I postponed it till a more convenient 
 season. On this account I left the meeting in great 
 heaviness and sorrow, for my disobedience. On 
 the following night, I dreamed that I saw two 
 generals drawing up their armies, in order for 
 battle. Each captain had his men in order, ready 
 to obey the command of their general, and stood
 
 80 
 
 at their head, waiting for orders to march, and 
 stand in the engagement where he should conj- 
 mand them. One of the generals came to a cap- 
 tain, who stood near me, and said to him, " You 
 are a valiant man, and skilful in the art of war ; 
 therefore march into the right wing of the army, 
 and in front of the battle." But the captain ob- 
 jected to the post assigned him ; and pleaded his 
 unfitness for itj saying, "It is a place of danger, 
 and requires a man better qualified for such a 
 post." The general answered, that he was well 
 qualified for the place allotted him ; and that if he 
 took it he might, by his skill and valour, do emi- 
 nent service for his king and country ; and gain 
 great honour j which would be a means of promot- 
 ing him to places of higher trust. He, however, 
 desired to be excused ; and could not be persuaded 
 to take the post assigned him. I stood by, and 
 heard all the general's arguments to persuade him 
 to comply, until I was filled with indignation at 
 the captain's obstinacy ; especially as the general 
 had absolute authority to command, and yet was so 
 kind as to use entreaty and persuasion. I then 
 said to the general, "It is my judgment, that this 
 captain is not worthy of the jdace assigned him j 
 since he refuses to serve his king and country, 
 according to his capacity ; and rejects the honour 
 and promotion he might obtain. Were I in the 
 general's place, I would set him in the rear of the 
 army, where he will have less opportunity of pro-
 
 Si 
 
 notion, and may lose his life as Mel! as in the 
 front." To this the general replied, " The decision 
 is just, and in the rear he shall stand j" where he 
 was accordingly stationed. 
 
 I awoke from my sleep in great distress ; under 
 a sense of the just judgment which (like David) 
 I had passed on myself. From this time, during 
 several months, I was on the brink of despair ; 
 concluding I was wholly unworthy to stand in 
 front ; and, therefore, should be placed in the 
 rear, to be killed in obscurity. After a time of 
 great anxiety and distress of mind, the Lord was 
 graciously pleased to look upon me with compas- 
 sion ; and again offered to make me a pillar in his 
 house ; and I felt a renewed concern to appear in 
 public for his name, and in the cause of Truth. 
 
 In the year 1755, being in company with Com- 
 fort Hoag and her companion, from New-England, 
 then on a religious visit to Friends in this part of 
 the country, I attended a meeting with them ; in 
 which I felt a concern to speak to the assembly > 
 but, as usual, evaded it. After meeting Comfort 
 said to me, " David, why didst thou not preach to- 
 day ?" I smiled at the query ; seeming to won- 
 der that she should ask sucli a question; and 
 endeavoured to appear innocent and ignorant of 
 any concern of that kind. As she knew nothing 
 of me but what she had felt, (having never before 
 seen or heard of me,) she said no more. On the 
 following day a similar concern came upon me,
 
 82 
 
 and I evaded it, as before. After meeting, Com- 
 fort again said to me, " David, why didst tliou 
 not preach to-day ?" I endeavoured to pass it by 
 as before ; but slie said it was not worth wliile to 
 evade it, for slie was assured that I ought to have 
 preached that day ; and that 1 had almost spoiled 
 her meeting by refraining; which had hindered 
 her service. >\ hen 1 found I could not conceal my 
 faults, I confessed the whole ; and told her 1 had 
 been for more than tw enty years in that practice j 
 and then gave her a history of my life from the 
 beginning down to that day. She admired that 
 divine kindness was yet manifested toward me in 
 such maimer; seeing 1 had so long rebelled 
 against it. And then gave me suitable caution 
 and advice. i 
 
 The following day, being at meeting, I again 
 felt a concern to speak to the people ; but endea- 
 voured to evade it. A man of some note was sit- 
 ting before me, and increased my reluctance to 
 speak. I supposed he would not be present at the 
 next meeting ; and then I would obey the call of 
 the Lord to that service. Thus I spent the greater 
 part of an hour. At length, my divine Master, 
 the great Master Builder, thus addressed me, 
 « Why dost thou still delay ; desiring to be excu- 
 sed until a more convenient season ? There never 
 will be a better time than this; I have waited on 
 thee above twenty years ; I have clearly made 
 known to thee my will ; so that all occasion of
 
 88 
 
 doubt has been removed ; yet thou hast refused to 
 submit) until thy day is far spent ; and if thou 
 dost not speedily comply with my commands, it 
 will be too late ; thy opportunity will be lost." I 
 then clearly saw that if 1 were forsaken, and left to 
 myself, the consequence would be death and dark- 
 ness for ever ! At the sight of the horrible pit that 
 yawned for me, if 1 continued in disobedience, my 
 body trembled like an aspen leaf; and my soul 
 was humbled within me! Then I said, « Lord ! 
 here am I ; make of me what thou wouldst have 
 me to be ; leave me not in displeasure, I beseech 
 thee." All my power to resist was then suspend- 
 ed ; I forgot the great man that had been in my 
 way ; and was raised on my feet, I hardly knew 
 how, and expressed, in a clear and distinct man- 
 ner, what was on my mind. When I had taken 
 my seat, Comfort Hoag rose, and had an open, 
 favourable opportunity to speak to the assembly. 
 After meeting she told me that, during the time 
 we had sat in silence, her whole concern was on 
 my account ; that her anxiety for my deliverance 
 from that bondage was such, that she was willing 
 to offer up her natural life to the Lord, if it might 
 be a means to bring me forth in the ministry; and 
 that, on making the offering, I rose to speak. On 
 which her anxiety for me was removed, and her 
 mind filled with concern for the people present.* 
 
 ♦ Comfort Hoag (afterwards Comfort Collins) survived this 
 journey many years ; and died when more than one hundre^l 
 •yeara of age, a lively minister till near her end.
 
 84 
 
 At that time I was made a real Quaker ; and 
 was not ashamed to be seen trembling before the 
 Lord. Under a sense of so great and merciful a 
 deliverance, 1 saw and felt ample cause for it. It 
 was with me as with Israel of old, when the Lord 
 caused their captivity to return -, saying he would 
 build them as at the first, and they should fear and 
 tremble for all his goodness, and for all the pros- 
 perity he would procure for them. My soul re- 
 joiced in the Lord, and I magnified his excellent 
 name, who is worthy of all honour, glory and re- 
 nown for ever. 
 
 It appeared to me wonderful, that 1 should thus 
 be lifted out of this horrible pit of my own dig- 
 ging ; and I was so absorbed in the love and mercy 
 of my heavenly Benefactor, that I was filled with 
 thankfulness and praise ; attended with a desire 
 that, in future, I might diligently watch and wait 
 for the pointing of his holy finger, to every service 
 he might be pleased to allot me ; that so no oppor- 
 tunity might be lost of manifesting my gratitude, 
 by obedience to his will. My feelings were like 
 those of a prisoner who had been long in bonds, 
 and was set at liberty. 
 
 This appearance in the public ministry was in 
 the year 1755 ; and in the forty-eighth year of my 
 age. After which it was never so groat a cross 
 to speak in meetings as it had been before. At 
 many times, during my long silence, I had a sight 
 that if I were obedient to my duty, 1 might be
 
 85 
 
 made a useful member of the church, and as a 
 pillar in God's house ; but, having so long rebel- 
 led, I now had no reason to expect that I should 
 be BO useful as I might have been, had I rendered 
 early obedience to the heavenly call. However, 
 it appeared necessary, if little were committed to 
 my care, to be faithful to that little. Sometimes 
 I had a hope of being useful to my fellow-crea- 
 tures ; at other times I was left to myself, and 
 humbled under a sense of my own inability to do 
 any thing to the honour of God, or the help of 
 others. 
 
 In the year 1758, 1 was received into the meeting 
 of ministers and elders ; and soon after obtained 
 a certificate to visit some parts of York Govern- 
 ment, and a part of Connecticut. A companion 
 was provided for me; and we left home on the 
 2'ith of the Third month, 1758. We visited about 
 eighty meetings, chiefly amongst those of other 
 societies, to our own satisfaction ; and, apparently 
 so, to the people generally ; who sat in their meet- 
 ings admirably quiet j gave great attention to 
 what was said ; and were much aff*ected. They 
 were kind and affectionate ; and seemed unwilling 
 to part with us. I was four months and five days 
 from home ; rode about one thousand miles ; and 
 returned in peace, and thankfulness of heart to 
 the God and Father of all our mercies. 
 
 For some years after this journey, I seldom ap- 
 peared in the ministry. My friends, as well as 
 
 H
 
 86 
 
 myselfj were inclined to believe that if ever I had 
 a gift for that service, it was taken from me. I 
 was reduced very low; and great distress at- 
 tended my mind. I was often ready to say, *' Is 
 God's mercy quite gone ? Will he be favourable 
 no more ?" I went mourning on my way, and had 
 little comfort in my life. In the night I wished 
 for day ; and in the day I wished for night. None 
 can conceive with what horror and anxiety I was 
 attended ; unless they have been tried with simi- 
 lar desertion. The cause of my being so tried, I 
 did not then see; but after I was in some measure 
 mercifully restored, I believed it was to humble 
 me ; that I might be brought to a more perfect 
 and entire dependence upon the divine gift ; that 
 so nothing of se^should be present in my ministry. 
 
 After it pleased the Lord to revisit my soul 
 with the light of life, I felt a concern to arise, and 
 increase, for the welfare of my fellow-creatures. 
 I saw that the professors of Christianity were 
 mostly at ease ; and that many under our name 
 were contented with a mere profession of the 
 Truth ; and I felt a desire that the careless and 
 negligent might be awakened to a perception of 
 their dangerous situation. 
 
 In the year 1771, Samuel Neale, of Ireland, 
 being on a religious visit to Friends in America, 
 came to my house, on his way to Maryland. Hav- 
 ing no companion, I offered to bear him company. 
 He accepted my offer. And we set out in the
 
 87 
 
 Fifth month, and spent about a month in visiting 
 the meetings of Friends, as far as West River ; 
 those on the Eastern-Shore of Maryland j and 
 those between Lewistown and Wilmington. After 
 which we rested a few days, at my house. Samuel 
 intended to visit the meetings of Friends in New- 
 Jersey, and no better companion offering, I ac- 
 companied him in that journey also. From Wil- 
 mington we went to Salem ; and after visiting all 
 the meetings thereabouts, we crossed the country 
 to Cape May ; and visited those of Great and Lit- 
 tle Egg Harbour, Shrewsbury, and other parts of 
 New-Jersey. Spending between six and seven 
 weeks, to our mutual satisfaction. We parted at 
 11 meeting called Solomon's ; Samuel going to Phi- 
 ladelphia, and I returning home 5 where I found 
 my family in health. 
 
 Soon after my return, Samuel wrote to me, de- 
 siring I would prepare for a journey to New-Eng- 
 land. It was very pleasant to me, to find he had 
 a concern to visit my native country 5 for he had 
 often said he saw no probability of making such a 
 visit. I felt willing to go with him, with the ap- 
 probation of my friends at home ; of which I soon 
 received their certificate ; and made ready for the 
 journey. I left home on the 19th of the Ninth 
 month, 1771 ; and went to our yearly meeting at 
 Philadelphia j which proved to me a good, com- 
 fortable meeting ; as I believe it did to many 
 others. Some friends, whom I highly esteemed.
 
 88 
 
 informed me they were pleased with ray intentions 
 to accompany Samuel Neale ; which afforded me 
 some encouragement ; for I was in a low state of 
 mind ; feeling great poverty of spirit. I was ap- 
 prehensive that Friends would prefer a better 
 companion for him j and might advise me to return 
 home ; but Samuel seemed well pleased to find me 
 prepared for the journey. 
 
 After the yearly meeting had concluded, we set 
 out for New-England on the 27th of the Ninth 
 month ; and proceeded directly to Rahway ; where 
 we had a meeting on First-day ; and, in the after- 
 noon, rode to New-York. Here we had a meeting 
 on Second-day ; and rested the day following. 
 On Fourth-day we attended the monthly meeting 
 at Newtown, on Long Island. After which we re- 
 turned to New- York. Thence we rode to Shap- 
 paqua ; and so on, to Ammawalk, Peachpond, Ob- 
 long, Shearman's meeting, Oswego, Jonathan 
 Hoag's, Over-the-Creek, Nine Partners, and Sa- 
 lisbury ; and had meetings at all those places to 
 pretty good satisfaction. From Salisbury we rode 
 about one hundred miles eastward to Leicester ; 
 had a meeting there ; and lodged at the widow 
 Earlc's; another at Bolton, and one at Salem. 
 Afterwards we proceeded in a north-easterly di- 
 rection ; attended all the meetings of Friends, as 
 far as Case's Bay ; and one on the other side of the 
 Bay. We crossed the Bay on the 27th of the 
 Tenth month j and returned the following day.
 
 89 
 
 On our return, the wind was violent ; and we ap- 
 peared to be in imminent danger. There were 
 fourteen persons in the boat, which was a small 
 one, and the Bay eighteen miles wide ; but, 
 through divine mercy, we landed safely ; and 
 went that night to Benjamin Winslow's. From 
 thence we travelled homeward, fifty-five miles, to 
 Berwick ; and attended the quarterly meeting at 
 Dover. Tiience we went to Kittery, Barrington, 
 Leaiping, and to a newly settled place, fifty miles 
 beyond Hampton, called Ware; and had meetings 
 at all those places. From Ware we returned to 
 Hampton ; and thence proceeded to Salem, Lynn, 
 and Boston ; and so, onward, to Nantucket ; visit- 
 ing meetings on the way. Afterwards we visited 
 Rhode Island ; and thence travelled through New- 
 England, and York Government ; and arrived in 
 Philadelphia after an absence of four months and 
 i\ half. Having travelled, by land and water, 
 about seventeen hundred miles; generally to good 
 satisfaction. I returned home in peace, and found 
 my family well. 
 
 After this journey, Samuel Neale and I were 
 concerned to visit some parts of York Govern- 
 ment; and some within the bounds of Connecticut. 
 We set out on the 27th of the Fourth month ; and 
 went to the quarterly meeting at Oblong. We 
 spent about six weeks in visiting the meetings of 
 Friends ; and holding some amongst those of other 
 societies. On our return to Philadelphia, I parted 
 
 H 2
 
 90 
 
 with my beloved friend, Samuel Neale ; -with 
 whom I had travelled, altogether, about nine 
 months. 
 
 On the 16th of the Tenth month, 1772, having 
 obtained a certificate of the concurrence of my 
 friends, I set out in order to visit the southern pro- 
 vinces; in company with my friend, Robert Valen- 
 tine ; whom I met at York-town, in Pennsylvania. 
 On the afternoon of the day of our meeting, we.rode 
 to Newberry ; where we attended a meeting the 
 following day ; which was not very satisfactory. 
 I was very much depressed under the weight of 
 the undertaking ; which appeared a very great 
 one, for two such poor striplings. For though we 
 were not young in years, yet we were so in expe- 
 rience as ministers. Hitherto, I had generally 
 travelled with old, experienced ministers; upon 
 w'hom I could lean ; as I was too apt to do. But 
 now, under the prospect that the work would de- 
 volve with greater weight on me, I was much cast 
 down ; although Robert was a valuable friend, 
 and lively minister. I mentioned to him my dis- 
 couragement; but he spoke cheerfully; saying he 
 believed we should get well ah)ng, if our Master 
 would go with us ; whicli he hoped would be the 
 case. On the following day we had a large meet- 
 ing at "Warrington ; and our Master was with us, 
 indeed ; and favoured us with his life-giving pre- 
 sence. It was an affecting time. The power of 
 Truth prevailed over all. Life was in dominion.
 
 91 
 
 Divine love filled many hearts; and we parted 
 with the people in much love and tenderness. 
 This comfortable meeting relieved me of my fears, 
 and renewed my faith. We now went on pretty 
 cheerfully ; under the hope that we should be fa- 
 voured, from time to time, with fresh supplies of 
 divine help, through our journey. We visited 
 meetings on our way to Fairfax ; were at their 
 monthly meeting, and several others, in that 
 neighbourhood. At that time our valuable friend^ 
 John Churchman, was at Fairfax ; and we attend- 
 ed several meetings with him. Robert and I had 
 an evening meeting at Louisburg. It was held iu 
 their court-house, and many of their great people 
 were present. It proved a very trying time to us 
 both; such as I had never known before. But, 
 after we had been sufficiently proved and morti- 
 fied, we were favoured with a good, comfortable 
 opportunity to relieve ourselves ; for which I was 
 truly and humbly thankful. John Churchman re- 
 mained at Amos Janney's, in Fairfax, until we 
 liad visited all the meetings in that neighbourhood. 
 After finishing this service, we returned to Amos 
 Janney's; and from thence set out on our journey 
 southward. At parting with John Churchman, 
 he told us he had no objections to our going for- 
 ward J which afforded us great encouragement. I 
 was inclined to believe he would advise me to re- 
 turn home ; and not attempt further to prosecute 
 my enterprise. I concluded he would perceive
 
 92 
 
 our weakness, and be honest to us in the cause of 
 truth ; and I felt willing to receive such advice, 
 not desiring to proceed without divine approba- 
 tion. But, notwithstanding we had been encou- 
 raged to proceed, I went on in great fear ; having 
 a daily sense of ray own insufliciency for so great 
 and important a service. We, however, ventured 
 to proceed to Hopewell ; and attended all the meet- 
 ings in that neighbourhood ; then went to Smith's 
 Creek ; thence to Douglas, Camp Creek, Fork 
 Creek, and Genito ; to John Johnson's, in Amelia 
 county ; to South River, a branch of James's Ri- 
 ver; to Stanton; and so on, to North Carolina. 
 We had meetings at all (nose, and some other 
 places. In New-Garden settlement we were at 
 one quarterly meeting, three monthly meetings, 
 and eighteen public meetings. Though we had 
 our trials and baptizing seasons, and felt need of 
 daily assistance, the great Shepherd of Israel was 
 near us, and favoured us with help. We felt great 
 love for the people ; and I hope our visit may be 
 useful to some of them. 
 
 Soon after we entered New-Garden settlement, 
 and before we had had a meeting there, my com- 
 panion heard a report that a letter had come for 
 me; and that it contained bad news. It was said 
 the letter had passed us ; and when, or where, it 
 would be f(tund, was very uncertain. My com- 
 panion consulted with some friends on the sub- 
 ject; and they thought it would be best to conceal
 
 the report from me ; as we were just going to the 
 first meeting in the settlement. However, as we 
 rode along, he thought it right to inform me of the 
 rumour ; and told me it was reported I was sent 
 for home. On hearing it I was filled with con- 
 cern; the enemy was busy; and I was weak ; yet 
 I continued my journey ; although I had poor 
 meetings. I supposed my friends were uneasy 
 with my proceedings ; and had sent to request me 
 to return. The report concerning the letter 
 spread among the people ; and it was currently 
 asserted that Wilmington was burnt to ashes ; 
 that all my property was consumed ; and that I 
 was sent for on that account. These were heavy 
 tidings ; and all true, for any thing I knew to the 
 contrary. After several days of great anxiety, a 
 hope arose in my mind that it was not so bad as 
 was reported ,• for, as I turned my mind towards 
 home, it seemed to me, that my dwelling house at 
 least was safe. I had now. been about ten days 
 under this trouble, when we lodged at the house 
 of a Friend whose wife was a sensible, religious 
 woman ; well acquainted with the snares of the 
 enemy ; and she, hearing me say something of re- 
 turning, as I could hear nothing further of the 
 letter, told me she believed there was little or no 
 truth in the reports ; but that it was the work of 
 Satan and his emissaries, to hinder my service, 
 and send me home. This was a seasonable cau- 
 tion. - When we had visited nearly all the meetings
 
 94 
 
 in that neighbourhood; and as we designed to pro- 
 ceed to Bush River, in South Carolina, I thought 
 it best to use every means to find the letter, before 
 we went further. I therefore hired a young man 
 to go back in pursuit of the letter as far as Hills- 
 borough, sixty miles, if necessary. After pro- 
 ceeding about thirty miles in the search, he found 
 it; and brought it to me, just as we were going 
 into a meeting. I opened and read the letter, 
 much to my comfort. There was no account of a 
 fire, or any other unpleasant occurrence in it. 
 Thus all ray uneasiness was removed. 
 
 This storm being happily blown over, we set out 
 for South Carolina. Zachariah Dicks, John Car- 
 ter, William Lindley, and John Unthank, accom- 
 panied us to Bush River, two hundred miles ; 
 which we travelled in five days. Two of the 
 Friends remained at Bush River, while we went 
 to Georgia. We went afterwards to Wateree and 
 Pedee. At the latter place we had two meetings 
 with Friends. There we parted with the four 
 Friends before mentioned. The"y had been our 
 affectionate and pleasant companions for about a 
 month. After our separation, Robert and I felt 
 lonesome ; having to ride one hundred and twenty 
 miles before we could come amongst Friends again. 
 During two days we had guides to conduct us ; 
 then, hoping we should be able to find the way 
 without their assistance, we advised them to re- 
 turn home. We arrived at Richard Cox% at
 
 95 
 
 Neuse River, in safety j and after having two 
 satisfactory meetings there, we rode fifteen miles, 
 to Great Contentney ; where we had a meeting. 
 From thence, we went to Henry Home's, at Tar 
 River, and had a meeting at his house j which was 
 a poor, low time. The professors there seemed 
 inclined to the Baptists. From Tar River we went 
 to Rich-Square ; and, after attending their meet- 
 ing, we set out towards the old settlement, in 
 North Carolina. As we proceeded towards tlie 
 lower settlements, in Carolina and Virginia, 
 among a wise people, as I supposed, fat and full, 
 possessing great numbers of slaves, I was very 
 pensive ; and so much depressed, that I would 
 gladly have passed them by, and returned imme- 
 diately home. But I saw no way for me, but to 
 look to my divine Instructor ; and depend on Him 
 who had hitherto been our sufficient helper, in 
 every strait and difficulty. After a time of trial, 
 I was favoured with a degree of fortitude and re- 
 signation. I went down among them in fear j but 
 we found some tender, loving, well inclined peo- 
 ple ; and were favoured with heavenly help, and 
 enabled toproJieed, I hope, to the honour of Truth, 
 and advantage of the people ; for many of whom 
 we felt a tender regard, and parted with them in 
 much love. 
 
 Although they were generally in the practice of 
 keeping slaves; yet they had begun to seethe 
 error of it; and were desirous to be relieved of
 
 96 
 
 the burden ; but saw no way to effect it, to the 
 satisfaction of themselves, and their slaves ; be- 
 cause of the cruel laws in force in these colonies ; 
 by which, if a man set his slaves free, they would 
 be liable to be seized, and sold to the highest bid- 
 der; which appeared grievous, both to themselves 
 and their owners. 
 
 We visited nearly all the meetings in the lower 
 parts of North Carolina, and Virginia, to our 
 satisfaction. We then passed into Maryland; 
 visited the meetings on the Western Shore, as far 
 as Baltimore ; from whence we came directly 
 home. I found my family and temporal concerns 
 as well as usual ; and had great peace and satis- 
 faction of mind ; under a tiiankful sense of the 
 many favours we had received ; and that divine 
 assistance had been afforded, in every trying sea- 
 son. We had been engaged in this visit just five 
 months ; had travelled nearly three thousand 
 miles ; had attended one hundred and five public 
 meetings; and arrived at home, on the 16th of 
 the Third month, 1773. 
 
 After my return from this journey, I did not 
 travel far from home, until the Fifth month, 177C. 
 When, in company with Jolin Perry, I left home, 
 to pay a religious visit to Friends in New-England. 
 At Railway we met Rebecca Wright and Thebe 
 Yarnall ; who were engaged to pay a similar visit; 
 ; nd we travelled together about seven weeks. We 
 were at many meetings in York Government, Nar-
 
 97 
 
 aganset, and Rhode Island ; and attended the 
 nieerinj^s on the way to Nantucket. From thence, 
 we returned to the quaiterly meetin{^ of Sandwich. 
 After the close of that meetin,^, we parted from 
 the two women Friends, before mentioned. They 
 went towards Boston, and thence, eastward ; we 
 returned towards Providence ; and visited all the 
 meetin.i^s in those parts. From thence, we crossed 
 Connecticut ; through Hartford, to New Milford, 
 and to Oblong. From the Great Meadows, we 
 passed by Kingwood, New- Jersey, into Bucks 
 county, Pennsylvania; and thence home. From 
 which I had been absent about ten weeks. We 
 had travelled, by land and water, eight hundred 
 miles. I was favoured with peace of mind, and 
 found my family well. 
 
 1779. I am now drawing towards the conclusion 
 of life ; being, this day, seventy two years of age. 
 For the encouragement of othei-s, I will now, 
 briefly, recapitulate some of the kind dealings of 
 Providence towards me. The God of my life, my 
 Maker and Preserver, has been propitious to me 
 fro!u youth to old age. Tlie fear of the Lord, 
 "Whielt preserves from evil, was placed in my heart 
 when I was but eiglit years old ; so that I was 
 afraid to offend him. In the twelfth year of my 
 age, I was mercifully visited, and called out of 
 the vanites of the world ; at which time I re- 
 ceived a promise, that if 1 sought first the king- 
 dom of Gud, all other necessary things should be 
 
 1
 
 98 
 
 added ; and I have found the pronr)ise true ; or I 
 never have wanted any of the good things of this 
 life. I hav»i heen blessed with suffieieut for my- 
 self and friends; and something to spare to the 
 poor. And I esteem it a great favour, that 1 
 received a disposition to communicate to those 
 who stood in need. If all men would '' seek first 
 the kingdom of heaven, and the righteousness 
 thereof," and carefully attend to the leadings of 
 the Holy Spirit, with which all might be favoured, 
 I believe they would be blessed with a sufficient 
 portion of wealth. O, that mankind were wise ! 
 and would early seek that treasure which cometh 
 from above J and which neither moth nor rust can 
 corrupt; nor thieves break through and steal! 
 And may we all beware of loving the world ; and 
 living at ease, in the enjoyment of its good and 
 pleasant things ! Even those who have been fa- 
 voured with remarkable divine visitations, and 
 Lave been put in possession of "the u])per and 
 the nether springs," have great need to be on 
 thnrguard. When we enjoy health and plenty, 
 and all things seem pleasant around us, we are 
 prone to forget the Lord, and neglect those 
 *« things that belongto our peace." 'JMiis I know, 
 by sorrowful experience. In this way 1 was 
 'brought into along, dark, and mournful situati(»n; 
 and kept from yielding obedience to my known 
 duty, respecting the ministry. Although I had 
 been called out of the world, and uncommonly 
 
 ^
 
 favoured, as before related ; although I had for- 
 saken the vanities and flesh-pleasing gratifica- 
 tions in which I had delighted; although I had 
 left the college in a way so mortifying ; had given 
 up all todeath, and freely borne the cross of being 
 esteemed a fo(d by the world ; afterwards joining 
 •with the despised Quakers ; adopting their lan- 
 guage, dress and behaviour; all which I could not 
 have done withotit divine assistance ; yet, after all 
 this, I was so forgetful and ungrateful to my hea- 
 veidy Benefactor, that it is a wonder I was ever 
 restored. And I have no doubt, that thousands, 
 through neglii^encp, even after thpy have been 
 called out of the world, and have run well for a 
 season, have been finally lost ; swimming away in 
 the riches and pleasures of this transitory state. 
 This I have written for a warning to others. 
 
 In the early j-art of the winter, after my return 
 from New England, in 1776, 1 was reduced to a 
 poor state of health, and so continue. I believe 1 
 have not lately been ever clear of a slow fever; 
 but have generally been able to go to our reli- 
 gious meetings, at and near home ; some times to 
 Philadelphia; and once into Maryland, the lower 
 counties on Delaware, &c. &c. 
 
 DAVID FERRIS. 
 
 fViliningtonf Bth mo. 1779. 
 
 P. S. I do not think it probable that Friends 
 will think the rough ?-emarks and observations I 
 have made, worth publish! n.e: ; but they may pos- 
 sibly be of some use to my family, to whom, there- 
 fore, I leave them. D. F.
 
 i 

 
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