(^ 
 
 v^ 
 
 Anstey 
 Speculation
 
 ISfC 
 
 THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES
 
 SPECULATION; 
 
 O R, A 
 
 DEFENCE of MANKIND: 
 
 POEM. 
 
 Gratias tibi ago, Fortuna, qiice me finis ridere, etfpeculari. 
 
 Inc. Auth. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 Printed for the AUTHOR, and fold by J. Dodsley, in Pall- Mall, 
 and all oiher Bookfcllers in Town and Country. 
 
 «oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 
 
 M.DCC.LXXX. 
 
 [Price It. 6d ] 
 
 ENTER-D AT STATIONtRS HALL.
 
 
 /^3. 
 
 s 
 
 SPECULATION, &c. 
 
 xxH me ! what Spleen, Revenge, and Hate 
 Thofe reprobated Bards await. 
 Who feek by Laughter to difgrace 
 The FolHes of the human Race ! 
 
 Howe'er by Nature they're inclin'd 
 
 To pity and to love Mankind, 
 And fain by every gentle art, 
 Which Ridicule and Mirth impart. 
 Their Minds to Virtue would entice. 
 And fliarae the harden'd Front of Vice, 
 
 B How 
 
 8SvS738
 
 C a J 
 
 How cautioufly foe*er they aim, 
 Make Manners, and not Men, their Game, 
 The only Meed the World beftows, 
 Are civil Friends, and latent Foes. 
 
 And wilt thou then, dear Mufe, once more 
 Adventure near that dangerous Shore, 
 Once more, alafs ! be doom'd to hear 
 The Scribler's Jefl, and Coxcomb's Sneer? 
 It mull be fo, for be it known 
 Thou art a harden'd Sinner grown. 
 Nor all the criticifing Race 
 Can move one Mufcle of thy Face. 
 
 But if fome Man for Tafte renown'd. 
 Of Knowledge deep, and Judgment founds 
 One whom the Monarchy of Wit 
 Has deem'd for every Science fit.
 
 And Letters Patent has alTign'd 
 To flamp th' Opinions of Mankind, 
 One, who if chance he find thee trip. 
 Will feizc at once his critic Whip, 
 As pleas'd as Scaliger or Bentley, 
 And flog thee pretty near as gently. 
 If fuch a Man for once (hould fmile, 
 (And long to damn thee all the while} 
 And alk thee why, " 'mid every Flower 
 That blooms around th* Aonian Bower, 
 And every painted Bud that blows 
 To deck th* enraptur'd Poet's Brows, 
 Some devious Path thou fliould'fl; explore, 
 For Garlands never worn before. 
 And defcant on a Theme fo long 
 111 fuited to melodious Song?" 
 Do thou rejoin — " 'twas injur'd Worth 
 That call'd thine Indignation forth; 
 
 B 2 A Phrafe
 
 C 4 3 
 
 A Phrafe, which all Mankind degrade. 
 Sought Refuge in thy friendly Aid ; 
 For injur'd Words, like injur'd Men, 
 Claim Succour from an Author's Pen, 
 And all as jullly may command 
 The Poet's Lyre, as Critic's Wand ; 
 Say, that of all th' ill-fated Words 
 Great Johnson's Diflionary affords, 
 Or ever from the fruitful Store 
 Of Roman and Athenian Lore 
 Were gather'd by that grand Importer, 
 And pounded in an Englifh Mortar, 
 Of all th' unfortunate Expreflions 
 Abus'd by Wights of all Profeflions, 
 Hack'd at the Bar, in Pulpit tortur'd. 
 Or Chapel of St. Stephen flaughter'd. 
 Not one was e'er fo bafely treated. 
 Of Spirit, Senfc, and Meaning cheated.
 
 C 5 ] 
 
 Or e'er defcrv'd Commiferation^ 
 
 Like this poor Word, call'd — Speculation. 
 ,i3JjiVy ell lo ,i?is3qfi -jl 
 
 If right I ween, in Times of yore 
 This harmlefs Term exprefs'd no more 
 Than ocular, or mental View, 
 Or Thoughts that from the fame accrue : 
 He thus was held in great Efteem, 
 And meets with much Refpeft, I deem. 
 Where'er we find him in the Pages 
 Of learned and exalted Sages, 
 Such as have fludied Nature's Laws,. 
 And taught us to adore their Caufe, 
 Or thofe whofe Precepts have rcfin'd, 
 Enlighten'd, and adorn'd Mankin'd ; 
 But fince our wifer Syflcm tcachcs" 
 JS^ew Modes of Actions, Thoughts, and Speeches, 
 
 Since-
 
 iC :5 J 
 
 Since Language every Day fubmits 
 
 To fome new Phrafe from modern Wits, ,q ^\^[^ 
 
 And like its Speaker, or its Writer, 
 
 Grows richer, chafler, and politer. 
 
 Whatever wild fantaflic Dreams ^x f;!-jlrii 
 
 Give Birth to Man's outrageous ScheJues, • 
 
 Purfu'd without the lead Pretence 
 
 To Virtue, Honefly, or Senfe, 
 
 Whate'er the wretched bafely dare 
 
 From Pride, Ambition, or Defpair, 
 
 Fraud, Luxury, or Diflipation, 
 
 AflTumes the Name of — Speculation. 
 
 By Life's tempefluous Billows torn. 
 At once luxurious, and forlorn. 
 The fwindling Jew, the gambling Peer, 
 The ruin'd Squire turn'd Au£lioneer,
 
 t T 1, 
 
 The Pimp, the Quack, tlie broken Banker, 
 
 Unknowing where to cafl, their Anchor,, 
 
 Their Fortune's fliatterd Fragments rally. 
 
 And fix their Rations in the Alley ; 
 
 There at the Pandemonium meet 
 
 Of J-hn-th-n's infernal Seat, 
 
 Where Fortune oft' with fpecious fhow 
 
 Of fair Advantages that flow 
 
 From Induflry, with flattering Hopes 
 
 Beguiles her Votaries, and opes 
 
 A fouler and more dangerous Fieldj 
 
 Than all her gambling Arts can yield. 
 
 Lo ! where around the pois'nous Dung, 
 Or Carrion on the Shambles hung 
 The flies their quivering Pennons call:,. 
 And batten o'er their foul Repafl! 
 E'en fo, on fome new Loan intent,. 
 With Intcrcfl at Seven per CcnU. Mid
 
 C 8i ] 
 
 Mid Dirt, and Noife, and odious Fume 
 The Crowds aflemble, and aflfume 
 As many Shapes as Proteus wore. 
 As many wily Arts explore : 
 
 Ne'er did the Samian Sage of old 
 Such wondrous Myfteries unfold 
 Of Men relinquifhing their Nature, 
 To animate fome monftrous Creature, 
 Nor all the fweet poetic Tribe 
 Such Metamorphjjfes defcribe, 
 (Though oft' they fmg, how mighty Jove 
 Was brutaliz'd by wanton Love, 
 And how by Circe's Goblet warm'd 
 The Grecian Heroes were transform'd) 
 As now the Mufe, from vulgar Eyes , -;.^;: 
 High tow'ring to her native Skies, 
 Aloft on Pegafean Wing 
 Adventrous fliould attempt to fing.
 
 C a ] 
 
 But that the Theme to fordid Gain 
 Confin'd, (that mars the lofty Strain, 
 And incompatible retards 
 The Flight o^ speculative Bards) 
 Arrefts her in th' ethereal Way, 
 And pins her to this earthly Clay. 
 
 Yet will I tell in humble Lays 
 Of Men transform'd in modern Days 
 To Shapes as ftrange as Cupid's Bow 
 Or Circe's Cup could e'er beflow. 
 Such as the God of Riches lends 
 To many of his cliofen Friends, 
 Who Confcicncc, Faith, and Fame refign. 
 To worfliip at his filthy Shrine. 
 
 Oh ! how Pythagoras would wonder! 
 And Jupiter prepare his Thunder! 
 
 C Think
 
 C >o ] 
 
 Think with what Fury he would rufh 
 The Brokers and the Bank to crufli, 
 Could he behold, what oft' the Cafe is, 
 A Man, who fells old Cloaths and Laces, 
 Such as the Reader may conceive I 
 Have feen among the Tribe of Levi, 
 For Goodncfs now, and Worth rcnown'd. 
 Contract for fifty thoufand Pound, 
 Buy Scrip, Bank, Omnium, or long Ann. 
 Or Lottery Tick. — If fuch a Man 
 The hafly Spoufe of Juno faw 
 With Beard prolix, and famifli'd Jaw, 
 Dare totranfmigrate, and become 
 A Bull, for that enormous Sum, 
 "Would not the jealous God appal 
 The Wretch in fome new Shape, or call 
 The Herald Mercury at once. 
 To ferve him like that Phrygian Dunce,
 
 £ '1 ] 
 
 That Jobber in the Stocks of old 
 
 Whofe Touch turnd every Thing to Gold ? 
 
 Aod would not Mercury himfelf 
 
 Look fharp, and tremble for his Pelf, 
 
 Soon as the Israelite he found 
 
 With folcmn Pace go lowing round. 
 
 Contriving ev'ry bafe Device 
 
 To raife the Stocks, and mend their Price, 
 
 Could hear how oft' the Monfter tries, 
 
 To furnifli us with new Allies, 
 
 With Peace how often to regale us — 
 
 And Viftories can never fail us — » 
 
 How oft' a finking State he faves, 
 
 By friendly Aid of Winds and Waves ? 
 
 Oh ! treacherous Bull, from Hell dcriv'd, 
 Worfe than e'er Piialaris contriv'd. 
 Thou, that for curfcd Gold can'ft; find 
 Such Methods to diflrcfs Mankind, 
 
 C 2 And
 
 £ 12 3 
 
 And feed a Nation's Hopes in vain, 
 To fell thy Bargain out again ! 
 
 A Form more horrid ftill remains, 
 As yet unfung by mortal Strains ; 
 Reverfe the Glafs — that Shape explore — 
 Behold the Israelite once more ! — 
 But why, O ! why (good Heav'ns defend us) 
 That fliaggy Coat, thofe Paws tremendous ? 
 Why in that horrid Guize appear? 
 Methinks, I fee the grifly Bear ! — 
 'Tis true — his Scrip, this Morning fold. 
 He with that Figure now makes bold, 
 
 And every Artifice is trying 
 
 To pave the Way fome more to buy in; 
 
 But e'er the Purchafe he commences. 
 
 Mud firfl impofe upon your Senfcs ;
 
 C »3 ] 
 
 By every Method in his Power 
 
 Mufl flrive to bring the Markets lower ; 
 
 Will growl and grumble, and confound 
 
 With Terrour every Soul around. 
 
 Oft' forge a Letter from the Hague, 
 
 Paul Jones, a Shipwreck, or a Plague, 
 
 OIV will th' unconfcionable Brute 
 
 Reverfe the Litany to boot 
 
 His avaricious Schemes to further. 
 
 And pray for fudden Death and Murther ; 
 
 All that a Nation can difgrace. 
 
 Her Credit and her Fame dcbafe,. 
 
 Foul Calumnies, and pois'nous Hints 
 
 He gathers from the public Prints : 
 
 If that won't anfwer his Intention, 
 
 He haralfes his own Invention 
 
 Some new Calamity to bring 
 
 From Falfliood's never-failing Spring :] 
 
 Yet
 
 C '4 3 
 
 Yet furely, if the Wretch could view 
 
 Our melancholy State, and knew 
 
 This bleeding Country's heart-felt Dole, 
 
 'Twould fave him fome Expence of Soul, 
 
 And much Fatigue of Brains in trying 
 
 To heighten her Didrefs by lying ; 
 
 But Men fometimes, as I have fecn it. 
 
 Will fpeak the Truth, who never mean it. 
 
 Of whom, as Cafuifts agree. 
 
 In Foro Conscienti.e, 
 
 If Lies and Falfhood be their Aim, 
 
 Though Truth they fpeak, the Crime's the fame; 
 
 Such is in Part the Cafe with Bruin, 
 
 Who now is every Trick purfuing 
 
 With every Terrour to compel 
 
 Th' affrighted Bulls their Stock to fell. 
 
 Which haply by his dreadful Warning, 
 
 He'll make them do to-morrow Morninf.
 
 C 15 3 
 
 And buying it himfelf, endeavour 
 To gain the Balance in his Favour; 
 See where he flands with Looks dejecled. 
 Like Her who Troy's fad Fate prcdifted, 
 Or Prophet Jeremy foretcHing 
 The Downfall of the Jewifh Dwelhng! 
 See while amid' th' encircling Crowd 
 He thus harangues in Accents loud. 
 The lifl'ning Bulls forget to low. 
 The Punch and Negus ceafe to flow : 
 
 " Oh what Difgrace, what Evils wait 
 '* This fhatter'd, this diRraded State? 
 '• Ah ! where are Truth and Virtue fled ! 
 " All mutual Confidence is dead : 
 " Our Credit and our Fame is gone, 
 *• Our Merchants and our Trade undone. 
 
 " Defpair
 
 C ^6 ] 
 
 ** Defpair and Defolation urge 
 " Their Flight acrofs th' Atlantic Surge, 
 ** The Iflands feel the dire Commotion, 
 ** E'en now they tremble on the Ocean; 
 *' How late the Foe with wrathful Pride 
 ** Your Navy on your Coafls dcfy'd ? 
 " E'en now they threaten an Invafion, 
 " And only wait a fair Occafion; 
 ** And what fo foon can make them come 
 ** As your damn'd Quarrelling at Home ? 
 " Not one good Friend acrofs the Water 
 *' That cares one Farthing what you're a'ter ; 
 •' The Dane, the Russian, and the Swede 
 ** Won't help you much in Time of Need, 
 •* The Dutch who hate fuch Callle-builders, 
 ** Won't budge an Inch without the Gilders : 
 
 '• And great the Folly and Expence is 
 " Of hiring Aid from foreign Princes :
 
 C >7 ] 
 
 ** The Irish too are difcontented ; — • 
 *' G-d fend that England may'nt repent it; 
 ** No Soul to give the leafl Affiftance, 
 " Not one to keep up your Exiftence ; 
 *' Not the leall Profpeft of recovering, 
 
 *' E'en though Morocco's fwarthy Sovereign 
 *' From Mauritania's Coaft defcends 
 " With Mahomet and all his Friends — 
 " Curs'd be the Hour that made me dip 
 " So deep into that fatal Scrip !" 
 
 The lafl difgraccful Scene that clofes 
 This horrible Metempsychosis 
 The Mufe in Pitv would conceal. 
 And gladly draw the friendly Veil; 
 But when at length both Bull and Bear 
 Their Contra6ls and their Faith forfwear, 
 
 D And
 
 C 18 3 
 
 And fooner far the Dcv'l could raife 
 Than Payment on th' appointed Days ; 
 To Shape of curfed Duck tranfmuted, 
 By Jews blafpliem'd, by Chriftians hooted. 
 Crippled they make one defp'ratc Sally, 
 And out they waddle from the Alley, 
 By J-hn-th-n's detefled Door 
 Run quacking, and are feen no more. 
 
 Such Means to prey upon your Fortune 
 Thefe worthy Gentlemen call sporting. 
 And give each bafe Negotiation 
 The well-bred Term of — Speculation. 
 
 Could I, ye Gods, in equal Strain 
 Their various Fallacies explain, 
 And all their Fiend-like Arts rehearfe 
 In faithful and immortal Verfc,
 
 . C 19 ] 
 
 No more the Bull and Bear fhould glow 
 Refplcndent in the folar Bow, 
 But banidi'd to th' infernal Shore 
 Give Pluto's Realms two Demons more: 
 The Duck debarr'd from Lkthe's Spring, 
 Whofe Waters fweet Oblivion bring, 
 In Phlegethon her Seat fhould fix, 
 And SPECULATE the Pools of Styx. 
 
 Nor lefs among th' unlcttcr'd Swains 
 This fafliionable Word obtains ; 
 (For Fafhion now alike pervades 
 The gorgeous Roof, and fylvan Shades) 
 Afk the rich Clown, whofe iron Sway 
 The humble Villagers obey, 
 While Penury and Hunger wait 
 Bcfide the lowly Cottage Gate, 
 
 D 2 Wliy
 
 C 20 ] 
 
 Why the hard Wretch with-holds his Grain, 
 And hears unmov'd the Poor complain ; 
 Afk why he cumbers up his Ground 
 With Stacks of unthrefh'd Corn a:round, 
 Till Wet and Mould have fpoil'd one Half, 
 Or Vermin ground it into Chaff; 
 He'll try to modify his Diflion, 
 And tell you, 'twas his own Eleftion, 
 He felt a certain Infligation 
 To keep it all on — Speculation. 
 
 Mark where the Money-lending Cre\r 
 Their bafe ufurious Trade purfue, 
 With wily Phrafc, and treacherous Smile 
 The poor unwary Youth beguile. 
 Oft' to his thoughtlefs Wifh fupply 
 The Means of Want and Infamy!
 
 C " 3 
 
 All that the anxious Father's Cares 
 Have gathcr'd in his brighter Years, 
 All that the younger Offspring craves. 
 And oft' the tender Mother faves 
 From Comforts, which her Age requires, 
 In Mortgages and Bonds expires. 
 And muft his fair paternal Lands 
 All center in fuch mifcreant Hands? 
 Jufl Hcav'n forbid !— 
 Oh ! may the Pillory or Rope 
 Prevent them in each diftant Hope,. 
 And all their golden Expeclations 
 Be airy Dreams and — Speculations. 
 
 But turn, my gentle Mufc, nor deign 
 To dwell with that unhallovv'd Train; 
 Thy kindred Bards demand thy Song, 
 To tiicm thy grateful Notes prolong. 
 
 Who
 
 i 22 3 
 
 Who quitting Bath's ador'd Retreat^ 
 Her frolic Sports, and Padimcs fweet, 
 And purer Joys which Verfe infpires, 
 Sufpcnd their foft harmonious Lyres,- 
 *To-day all hallening to attend 
 The Groaningof their much-lov'd Friend, 
 A Lady whofe exalted Station 
 Demands their utmoU Veneration, 
 And whofe unmerited Diftrefs 
 Their Pity and Regret no lefs ; 
 Forme, I mufl acknowledge fairly, 
 I vifit at her Houfe but rarely. 
 She always has fo large a Crowd 
 Of well-bred Men, who talk fo loud. 
 Yet do I feci moll truly for Her, 
 And look upon her Cafe with Horrour, 
 
 • The twenly-fifih Day of November hft, at which Tim* 
 This Poem was written.
 
 C 23 3 
 
 'Tis now, as fhe-herfelFhas rcckon'd, 
 
 Five Months, and upwards fince flie quickn'd. 
 
 And every Moment, as 'tis faid. 
 
 Is waiting to be brought to Bed ; 
 
 Poor Soul ! what Sorrow and Vexation 
 
 She fuff'red through the whole GeRation! 
 
 And now but very ill fuflains 
 
 The Thoughts of her approaching Pains ; 
 
 So many Children flie has had, 
 
 And mofl of them turn'd out fo bad. 
 
 Have quarrell'd with her dearefl. Neighbours, 
 
 And marr'd her honed Tenants Labours, 
 
 Their darkcn'd Dwellings hll'd with Strife, 
 
 And grudg'd them every Joy of Life, 
 
 Kept fuch a prodigal Retinue, 
 
 Their Wages cat up her Revenue, 
 
 And all at fuch a fhameful Rate 
 
 Encreas'd the Debt on her Eflatc, 
 
 The
 
 C 24 3 
 
 The Thoughts of adding to the Number 
 Deprive Her of her balmy Slumber ; 
 The fame Man-midwipe who, I hear. 
 Attended at her Couche lafl Year, 
 Speaks like a fcnfible Phyfician, 
 And fliakcs his Head at her Condition ; 
 A ftubborn acrimonious Humour, 
 ^Vhich daily haftens to confume her. 
 Corrupts her pancreatie Juices, 
 And Choler without End produces. 
 And when upon her Brain 'tis pitch'd. 
 Twill make her talk hke one bewiteh'd; 
 That when, in Hopes fome Good to do her. 
 The Doflor puts a Gueflion to her. 
 And thinks, perhaps, that Change of Diet 
 Might help to keep her Spirits quiet, 
 Or Purgatives her Heat aflTwage, 
 She'll fly into a dreadful Rage,
 
 C 25 3 
 
 And all the Anfwer fhc'U beflow 
 Is — Aye, Aye, Aye, or No, No, No; 
 
 Such Symptoms make her Friends begin 
 To think there's fomething wrong within. 
 That needs mufl take before the Summer 
 The Ufc of all her Members from Her, 
 Which in a broken Conflitution 
 Mufl; foon bring on her Diffolution. 
 
 Then fay. Oh ! fay, ye learned Leeches, 
 Whofe fafhionable Doctrine teaches 
 That Infants bear no Mark nor Sign 
 Of Things for which their Mothers pine. 
 And Evils which afllicl the Parent, 
 Are never in the Child inherent. 
 Say, from this Lady fo aficcled 
 What Progeny can be expedcd ? 
 
 E lor
 
 C 35 3 
 
 For mc, (aliliougli 'tis rarely found 
 
 That Poets arc for Truth renown'd) 
 
 I'll boldly venture to fuppofe 
 
 She'll bring with flrong convulfivc Throws 
 
 Some ill-fliap'd Brat, of Mien moll horrid. 
 
 With Marks of Blood upon it's Forehead, 
 
 An odious Imp, whofe bleared Sight 
 
 Abhors the Window's chearful Light, 
 
 Will fquint at every human Soul 
 
 And long to fconce him on the Poll ; 
 
 Will pine for every Thing it fees. 
 
 E'en for a Bit of Dirt will teaze,, 
 
 And rather than that Bit refufe. 
 
 Will eat it from a Ploughraari's Shoes ; 
 
 Long of his Half-pence to unload 
 
 The meanefl; Traveller on the Road ; 
 
 A Horfe, a Carriage, or a Servant 
 
 Will tear and fl:iaLter every Nerve on't.
 
 [ ^7 3 
 
 And Sight of every little Tit 
 Will give it a convulfion Fit; 
 
 And when the Nurfe has cloath'd and fed it 
 With Pap, flie borrows on the Credit 
 Of Doctor Loan, whofc famous Tickets 
 Kill gnawing Worms, and cure the Rickets, 
 And given it a Charm flie locks 
 Securely up in velvet Box, 
 Which makes it neither purge nor vomit. 
 Nor call the leafl Corruption from it, 
 I trufl flic'll bring her Baby forth. 
 And much commend it's Parts and Worth, 
 Will fmile with Joy and Admiration, 
 And call the Monder — Speculation. 
 
 Meanwhile fome Goffips that attend it 
 Outrageous to the Devil would fend it, 
 
 E 2 Will
 
 C 28 ] 
 
 Will reprobate the odious Creature, 
 
 And militate 'gainft every Feature, 
 
 And when the Nurfe begins to cram it. 
 
 Will one and all confpire to damn it : 
 
 With Might and Main will crowd and clamber 
 
 To get into the inward Chamber, 
 
 And fliould they gain Admittance there, 
 
 (For ought I'll venture to declare) 
 
 Might take the Baby in their Arms, 
 
 And hit upon fome fecret Charms, 
 
 Some latent Je nefc^ay quoi, or Grace, 
 
 Which hitherto they ne'er could trace. 
 
 Might kifs the Monfter and carefs it. 
 
 And try in fome new Mode to drefs it. 
 
 And then declare it look's To fmugly 
 
 'Twas Rrange they ever thought it ugly. 
 
 Might call \t pretty Dear, and Honey, 
 
 And o'er a Gridir'n count its Money ;
 
 C 29 ] 
 
 But though they chang'd its' Drefs and Name, 
 Its Nature would remain the fame. 
 Would flill defy their beft Endeavour, 
 And fquint as horribly as ever. 
 
 But Nurfe (as all have done before) 
 Will fet her Foot againfl the Door, 
 And fpite of all the Pains they take 
 To tafle the Caudle and the Cake, 
 Will find no kind of Inclination 
 To let them in, on — Speculation. 
 
 But foft — methinks, my wond'ring Eyes 
 Behold a motley Phantom rife. 
 Of Shape grotefque and wild, it's Hand 
 Upholds a variegated Wand ; 
 It frowns — it fmiles — and who can tell 
 Whether it comes from Hcav'n or Hell, 
 
 Whether
 
 E a« 3 
 
 Whether from Country, or from Court, 
 Of evil or of good Impprt, ., j^jjj^j.^, .^ 
 
 A ferio-comic Face it weai;s, . ,^ ,^-^^r^ j^jq , 
 And rudely thus aflfaults mine Ears ! 
 
 *' What are thefe wild myfleiious Strains 
 ** Thefe Fisfments of thy wayward ^^raips^^ 
 " That feem to cafl; fpnie latent Stigma 
 *' In Parable, and dark Enigma ? 
 
 " But that I never yet could find 
 *' That thou to Banter ^yert inclin'd, 
 *' This uncouth Fable would appear 
 *' Some Satire in Difguifc to bear, 
 *' And learned Critics might conjecture, 
 *' That thou in this good Lady's Pidurc 
 ♦' Wouldfl ridicule by Implication 
 *' The great Aifembly of the Nation, 
 " And in her haplcfs Child exhibit 
 «' The Portrait of its annual Tribute ;
 
 IT ^1 3 
 
 *' But well I know, th' Efleem profound 
 
 " ■i-houbcarcft for that facrcd Ground, 
 
 " Would ne'er permit thee to complain 
 
 " Of ought its wife Decrees ordain ; 
 
 *•' And fure, whatever comic Scene 
 
 *' Might move thy Laughter, or thy Spleen, 
 
 " Thou ne'er couldfl deem that virtuous Senate 
 
 *' A Theme to jeft, or draw thy Pen at; 
 
 " That awful Dome, where Candour fweet,- 
 
 "And Mode fly ha've fix'd their Seat, 
 
 *' Where, like the Conscript Sires, we're told, 
 
 *' Or Areopacites of old, 
 
 " Grave Senators in Council deep 
 
 " Their amicable Vigils keep; 
 
 " Ne'er fuller Envy, Rage, or Hate, 
 
 " To trefpafs on their calm Debate, 
 
 " But free from Faction, Noife, and Broil, 
 
 " Through every doubtful Qucflion toil ; 
 
 Where
 
 C 32 ] 
 
 ♦* Where youthful Orators in DicUoii 
 
 *' Replete with Reafon and Conviction, 
 
 " In Ciceronian Style and Air 
 
 *' Such potent Truities declare 
 
 " Ec'n at the Moment of their Entrance, 
 
 *' They'll pledge themfelves in every Sentence: 
 
 " All with fuch Decency profound 
 *' Their well-digefled Thoughts propound, 
 *' All with fuch wife Referve conceal 
 " The Secrets of the public Weal, 
 " That never yet or Friend or Foe 
 " Prefum'd their fage Refolves to know, 
 " Or dar'd to fathom, or to fcan 
 " The Purpofe of the deep Divan ; 
 
 " Who to that Pinnacle of Fame 
 *' Have rais'd a Briton's glorious Name, 
 " With fuch Succefs theirSchemeshaveplann'd, 
 '* Triumphantly they dare command
 
 C 33 3 
 
 '* Our Armies and our Fleets to roll 
 ** Their Thunder to each diftant Pole, 
 *' And boldly bid the World Defiance— 
 " Without one friendly Pow'rs Alliance. 
 " See then, what prudent Ways are try'd, 
 
 " And Means how faithfully apply'd, 
 *' See with what rapid Steps you tend 
 " To Glory, and to Wealth afcend ! 
 " And if thou deem'flone Tax too hard, 
 *' Thou art the mofl ungenerous Bard 
 *' That ever in audacious Strain 
 " Prefum'd his Betters to arraign, 
 " Or e'er confum'd the Midnight Taper, 
 *' To fct his worthlefs Hand to Paper. 
 
 " And mufl thou call th' Aonian Maids 
 " From Helicon's enchanting Shades, 
 
 " Muft
 
 C 34 ] 
 
 *' Muft: all to the Exchange defcend, 
 
 " And Phcebus at the Bank attend, 
 
 ** In jingling Rhyme, and groveling Strain 
 
 *' Thofe virtuous Gentry to arraign, 
 
 *' Who for no mean, no fordid Ends, 
 
 ** But merely to oblige their Friends, 
 
 *' To purchafe Stock at their Requeft, 
 
 '* And pay for't when it fuits them bell, 
 
 " Their Intereft and Good procure, 
 
 ** Their Properties and Lives infure, 
 
 ' ' All excrcife their Speculation, 
 
 *' All labour in their jull Vocation, 
 
 *• In that great Seat of ufeful Knowledge, 
 
 " Fam'd Johnathan's illuflrious College ? 
 
 " Where from the Servitor that flands 
 " Prepar'd, to run at their Commands, 
 •♦ And Pupils who attend their Lectures 
 " Up to the Do6lors and Diredors,
 
 C 35 ] 
 
 " All labour for their Country's Sake, 
 " All fhevv their Readinefs to make 
 " By Paper Currency alone 
 *' Her Credit and her Glory known ; 
 
 " What though fome vulgar Souls may blame 
 " Sucli generous Ways to Wealth and Fame, 
 " And think that Gaming is a Science 
 *• On which there is but fmall Reliance, 
 *' Let fuch impartially look 'round 
 " And fee how Men for Senfe renown'd, 
 ** Of Birth, of Character, and Fame, 
 *' Itsvafl Utility proclaim 
 *•' And from that Fount what Blcffings flow 
 *' By Precept and Example flievv ! 
 " See thofe who o'er the State prcfidc, 
 " And all its fccrct Motions guide, 
 ** With what Philanthropy and Zeal 
 
 •' They twirl in round the Lottery Wheel, 
 
 F2 " And
 
 - C 36 ] 
 
 *' And give by frequent Revolution 
 
 *' New Vigour to your Conditution ! 
 
 ** Nor fewer Thanks are due to thofe 
 
 " Their Tickets who in Shares difpofe, 
 
 " Who every wholefome Art explore, 
 
 " And from CompafTion to the Poor 
 
 " Their Generofity difplay, 
 
 ** And lend their Horses for the Day ! 
 
 *' Such ufeful Policies moreover 
 
 *' By fair Arithmetick difcover, 
 
 " Five Shillings, luckily turn'd round, 
 
 *' Prefcnt you with an hundred Pound ; 
 
 *' Nor lefs their faithful Cares extend 
 
 " To many an enterprifing Friend, 
 
 " By whom fome Blanks may be foreboded, 
 
 " And who with Tickets overloaded 
 
 " Might chance, without their kind Infurance, 
 
 " To fuflfer everlafling Durance,.
 
 [ 37 ] 
 
 ** AndUke therafhIxiON feel 
 
 •• The Torments of the rolhng Wheel, 
 
 •' What though fome Bankruptcies be made 
 " From generous Contempt of Trade, 
 " Such Ills if rightly underllood, 
 " Are all intended for your Good ; 
 *' A Limb recover'd from a Frafture 
 « Becomes the firmer and compacler, 
 *' And oft' the World a Tradefman fees, 
 " Like Him who fought with Hercules, 
 " By Bankruptcy the richer grown, 
 •• And Strength obtain, by tumbling down. 
 
 '• Who then behind the Counter's Gloom 
 *' The tedious Moments would confunie, 
 " His paltry Merchandife retailing, 
 " And Scarcity of Cafh bewailing, 
 " When in an Inflant He might make 
 •* His Fortune by one fingle Stake ; 
 
 With
 
 C 38 ] 
 
 *' With fuch Facility explore 
 
 " The Alley's unexhaufted Store, 
 
 ** And to fuch Friends the Tafk afTign 
 
 *' To dig in that Peruvian Mine ? 
 
 *' Such are the Men thy Mufe compares 
 *' To Bulls, to crippled Ducks, and Bears, 
 " By Rhadamanth's infernal Laws, 
 " Chaflifes firfl, then hears their Caufe. 
 
 " But ah ! what Envy haft thou fliewn, 
 " (For Envy prompted thee alone) 
 *' Who thus wouldft blacken with thy Pen 
 " Thofe courteous, thofe obliging Men 
 ** Who in pecuniary Affairs 
 •' For all Mankind exert their Cares,
 
 [ 39 ] 
 
 ** Shew fuch Integrity and Zeal, 
 
 " Yet modeflly their Names conceal, 
 
 " From Pity's generous Source alone 
 
 *' Make every human Want their own, 
 
 ** The Poor by Scripture Rules befriend, 
 
 " Are kind, are merciful, and lendy 
 
 " Good Men ; whofe tender Care fupplies 
 
 •' What oft' the churli fh Sire denies, 
 
 •' Who teach th' afpiring Youth to try 
 
 " The Joys of Independency, 
 
 " No longer to endure the Chain 
 
 •' Ofharfh Rcftraint, no more complain 
 
 " How tardily each rifing Sun 
 
 •' Brings Liberty, and Twenty One : 
 
 " Give him to (hew his Tafle and Senfe 
 
 *' By carelefs and polite Expence, 
 
 ** His puerile Delights difmifs, 
 
 " And antedate each manly Blifs, 
 
 a 
 
 The
 
 C 40 ] 
 
 N 
 
 ** The Drudgeries of Life dcfpife, 
 
 *' And all the ferious Thoughts that rife 
 
 " From toilfomeBufinefs to annoy 
 
 " The Tranfports of each circling Joy ! 
 
 " What though the Demon of Contrition, 
 *' Remorfe, and Shame, and Admonition, 
 " And Retrofpe6l with Frown fevere 
 ** Oft' check him in his bold Career; 
 " Theirs is the friendly Talk to fcreen 
 " The Horrours of their ghaftly Mien, 
 •' And gild with Smiles, and Profpe£ls gay 
 " The Morning of his youthful Day ; 
 
 •' Oh! Friends fmcere! whofe Counfels blafl; 
 " The bitter Thoughts of Errours pad, 
 " Such Means for prefent Blifs bellow, 
 " Such Difregard for future Woe ! 
 
 •* Fool as thou art, thou ne'er didfl: read 
 *' That wife that speculative Creed, 
 
 « Which
 
 [ 41 ] 
 
 *• Which fome great Thcorifl, no doubt, 
 
 " Of nice Morahty found out, 
 
 " And many an able Politician 
 
 " Has praclis'd with exacl Prccifion, 
 
 *' That PRIVATE Vices are the Source 
 
 " Of Public Benefits ; ofcourfe 
 
 " Fraud, Luxury, and Pride confpire 
 
 " To raife a Nation's Glory higher; 
 
 *' And Men of Parts and Educations, 
 
 ♦' Your Mayors of Towns and Corporations 
 
 " This Creed fo well have underftood, 
 
 " So us'd it for their Country's Good, 
 
 " That feldom they've a Member fent 
 
 *' To fpeak their Senfe in Parliament, 
 
 " But fuch as claims the befl Pretence 
 
 ** From DilTipation and Expence ; 
 
 " Talents which all the "World confcfs 
 
 " So juflly wairant his Succcfs, 
 
 That
 
 [ 42 ] 
 
 '' That when th' Ele6lion Day comes on, 
 " He's fairly chofen, — and undone: 
 ~ " A Circumflance which fliews no Bhndnefs, 
 " In thofe to whom He owes the Kindnefs, 
 " But much of pubhc Virtue favours 
 *' And Wifdom in conferring Favours, 
 " It whets his Wit, his Fears removes, 
 " The Firmnefs of his Mind improves, 
 " And makes Him wade through thick and thin 
 " The very Inflant He gets in, 
 " Obferve the mod exaft Attendance, 
 " And crack his Jokes on Independance, 
 " Till Induflry at length procure 
 •' Some pretty little fnug Douceur 
 " Which makes Him quietly intrench, 
 " And fquat behind The Trcafury Bench, 
 " As well it may; and who can ^rudo-e it 
 *' Vv'hen at the opening of the Budget
 
 C 43 ] 
 
 " This generous perfevcring Creature 
 " Is draining every Nerve and Feature, 
 *' And holds the Candle to unlock it — 
 " Without one Farthing in his Pocket. 
 
 " See how Necellity calls forth 
 " The latent Seeds of Parts and Worth, 
 " What ufeful Members of a State 
 " Extravagance and Vice create, 
 " And what to Luxury we owe, 
 " From whence fuch publick Bleflings flow ! 
 " Dofl think unlefs by Ileav'ns Decrees 
 " Such great fuch generous Souls as thefe 
 " Had fold the Profits of their Income, 
 ♦' Or nobly dar'd in Bonds to fink 'em, 
 " They'd ever with fuch Care and Pain 
 *' Their fenatorial Rights maintain, 
 " Or worthily have fill'd a Station 
 " Of fuch Importance to the Nation ? 
 
 G 2 * ** No—
 
 C u ] 
 
 i' No — from Depravity and Need 
 
 " Fame, Freedom, Wealth, and Strength proceed, 
 
 " 'Tis Penury gives Refolution, 
 
 " And Pride fupports a Conftitution, 
 
 " And all by juft unerring Laws 
 
 *' Confpire to ferve the public Caufe. 
 
 " Sure then fome Gratitude attends 
 " All who promote fuch glorious Ends, 
 " And tell me who more juflly claim 
 " The Honours due to civic Fame, 
 " Than that difinterefled Band, 
 " Whofe Aid, whofe Friend fliip you command, 
 " Whofe Gold like Ambergreafe is us'd, 
 " And o'er Mankind its Sweets dififus'd : 
 " Great philofophic Souls ! whom you 
 *' With ignominious Rhym.es purfue^
 
 C 45 ] 
 
 " And in thy dogg'rel Vcrfe exhibit 
 " As Subjects to adorn a Gibbet. 
 
 " Ye Deities who guard the Plains 
 *' Where Innocence and Virtue reigns, 
 •' And make the artlefs Farmer kno\7 
 " What Blcflings from Contentment flow, 
 •* Far be the rude unhallow'd Bard 
 •' That views him with profane Regard I 
 " Far be that infamous Report, 
 " That Vices which adorn a Court, 
 " And render modifh Life compleat, 
 " Invade the Peafant's homely Seat, 
 " And if fome Man of Tafte brings down 
 " The reigning rafliions of the Town, 
 *' Full many a country Coxcomb tries 
 *' To prove as wicked, and as wife, 
 
 Will
 
 C 46 ] 
 
 " Will drink, and clicat, and wh-re, and play, 
 *• And when he comes his Rent to pay, 
 *• Will Pnake his Head, and fcratch his Ear, 
 •' And tell you that your Farm's too dear, 
 " And hopes, as Corn's fo cheap of late, 
 " Your Honour will his Rent abate ; 
 
 " Curs'd be the envious Breath of Fame 
 " Whofe babbling Trumpet would proclaim 
 " That fince the Country's richer grown, 
 *' And Landlords from their Seals are flown, 
 " Proud Tenants with rapacious Hand 
 •' Engrofs the Produce of their Land, 
 •' Ufurp the Empire of the Plains, 
 ** And lord it o'er the humble Swains ; 
 " Oh vile Report, oh bafe Surmife ! 
 " When prudent Men thofe Means devife 
 " Such plenteous Succour to provide, 
 " 'Gainfl; Scarcity and Want betide.
 
 C 47 1 
 
 " Like Egypt's King their Corn withold, 
 ** When fev'n Year's Famine was foretold. 
 
 " I grant 'twere better to cut fliort 
 ** Monopohes of every Sort, 
 " And much no Doubt your Country boafls 
 " That thofe who fill your highefl; Pofls, 
 " Th' Exchequer, Navy, Trade, and War, 
 •' Such mean fuch fclfifli Ways abhor, 
 •• And do their bed as by the A61 is 
 •• Prefcrib'd, to flop fo vile a Pra61ice ; 
 *• Your Clergy too, their Zeal is fuch, 
 *• Defcrve your Gratitude as much, 
 " Who 'mid the Toils and Cares they find 
 " In Bifhopricksto Dean'ries join'd, 
 " Bcfides the Troubles which attend 'em. 
 •* In holding Livings in CoMMExnANr, 
 *•■ Find Time for preaching and enforcing 
 " Their Arguments againll Engrossing ; 
 
 <( 
 
 Yet
 
 C 48 ] 
 
 " Yet furc the Men whofe faithful Toil 
 
 *' Oft' cultivates the barren Soil 
 
 *• That's wifely taken from the Poor, 
 
 " And never felt the Plough before, 
 
 *' Make Plenty fpread her bounteous Horn, 
 
 " And Vallies Hand fo thick with Corn, 
 
 •* That when their Tythes they homeward bring, 
 
 " The joyful Parfons laugh and fmg, 
 
 " Surely fuch Men who flave and fweat, 
 
 " For all th' Advantages they get, 
 
 " May keep their Grain, their only Treafure, 
 
 " Without one Chrillian Soul's Difpleafu re ; 
 
 " Ah ! well they know, that if the Poor 
 " Were cloath'd and fed, they'd work no more, 
 " That nothing makes Mankind fo good, 
 " So tradable, as Want of Food, 
 •' And like ihofe frugal Politicians, 
 ** Who take their Maxims from Phyficians,
 
 C 49 ] 
 
 ** Think Starving is the bed Foundation 
 *' Of popular Subordination. — 
 
 " But on this Point you more fliall hear, 
 *•' And thofe, you have abus'd, revere, 
 ** When next with Tcrrour and Difmay 
 " My awful Image you furvey ; 
 " Meanwhile no more thy Spleen be Ihewn- 
 " Hall thou no Failings of thine own, 
 " No ruling PafTion in thy Breafl, 
 •♦ That robs thee of thy balmy Reft ?" 
 
 Yes, yes, I cry — to all Mankind 
 Their Frailties arc by Fate adlgn'd. 
 And he's the happieft anxl the bcft. 
 Who with the feweft is oppreft ; 
 In me, I muft confefs my Failing, 
 An Itch for Scribbling is prevailing, 
 
 H
 
 C 50 ] 
 
 A Vice which many a rhyming Elf 
 Partakes in common with myfelf, 
 And fince Adminiflration tries 
 Such various Means to raife Supphes, 
 I wonder much they ne'er determine 
 To raife a Tax on all fuch Vermin, 
 And claim a Shilling in the Pound 
 Of all who tread poetic Ground ; 
 No Bard to Helicon fhould ride, 
 Unlefs he firll were qualify 'd, 
 For Pegasus his Money pay. 
 And fhew his Ticket for the Day ; 
 Since Minillers find fuch Refources 
 In Men's abfurd and vicious Courfes, 
 And Vanity and Ollentation 
 Are deem'd fit Subjefts for Taxation, 
 Sure they might fine the Brains of thofe 
 Who fm no lefs in filthy Profe,
 
 [ 5t ] 
 
 And Gold by Chymick Art didil 
 From EflTence of the gray Goofe Ouill : 
 Which, though 'twould favour of extorting 
 From Men of very flender Fortune, 
 Such as all meaner Arts difown. 
 And live upon their Wits alone, 
 Mufl at a moderate Computation, 
 Raife half a Million to the Nation. 
 
 But if the Truth I mufl: impart. 
 And fay what Passion rules my Heart, 
 No Third for Honours Wealth or Pow'r 
 E'er robb'd me of one quiet Hour, 
 No Party-zeal, no factious Aim 
 Torment me with their raging Flame, 
 But anxious Thoughts for England's Sake 
 Will oft' the flumbring Mufe awake. 
 
 And
 
 C 5^ 3 
 
 And Hopes to pleafe in faithful Strain 
 The Wife, the Virtuous, and Humane, 
 My Soul with flrong Ambition fir'd, 
 And thefe incondite Rhymes infpir'd, 
 Taught me to think no Toil fevere 
 Awhile to catch their liU'ning Ear, 
 And make their Smiles and Approbation 
 The Obje6l of my Speculation. 
 
 FINIS.
 
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