THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL \XPJay ELEANOR GATES B SJ 1 GIFT OF o S) THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL BY ELEANOR GATES Plays THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL WE ARE SEVEN (three acts) "SWAT THE FLY!" (one act) Novels THE BIOGRAPHY OF A PRAIRIE GIRL THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE PLOW-WOMAN CUPID, THE COW-PUNCH THE JUSTICE OF GIDEON (short stories) ELEANOR GATES THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL A Play of Fact and Fancy in Three Acts BY ELEANOR GATES With a Reminiscence and a Foreword by George Jean Nathan NEW YORK THE ARROW PUBLISHING COMPANY MCMXVI Copyright, 1916 BY THE ARROW PUBLISHING COMPANY All rights referred, including that of translation into foreign languages, including the Scandinavian. For information regarding stage presentation, or public reading, address the publishers. 4&V f f VAIL-BALLOU COMPANY 1ION AND NEW YORK DEDICATED WITH MUCH AFFECTION TO SOPHIA REED SPICKERS AND WILLIAM SPICKERS 34215G A REMINISCENCE AND A FOREWORD Whatever otherwise the pretty virtues of our Amer ican drama, the quality of fanciful imagination is of the catalogue no (or at best, small) part. We have seen amongst us farce writers of light and facile finger; we have seen drama framers of intermittently rugged, if consistently yokel, philosophic vision. Yet, the writer of exploring phantasies, the writer of caprices that violate the neutrality of the sacrosanct Broadway commonplace, is but dimly silhouetted against the borning native sun. Several years ago, losing my way in the ulterior reaches of darkening and rainy Philadelphia, I sought geographical counsel and a temporary shelter in the lobby of the old Walnut Street Theater. Along with the solicited charting (and the spectacle of quicken ing rains) I was prompted by the acute box-office gen tleman to pass the storm within the playhouse. And it was therein, thus accidentally, that first I saw a trying-out and experimental exhibition of this play by a writer whose name, though known well to the periodical pages, was then still new to me and to the American theater of which, over years, I had been a recording spectator. And it was therein upon the platform, amid a phantasmagoria of bunchlights that wouldn t behave and scenery that inopportunely tot tered and stagehands whose tangled feet were audi ble and spotlights that sizzled and flickered, that first A REMINISCENCE AND A FOREWORD I learned of "The Poor Little Rich Girl," by this Miss Eleanor Gates the play that, once its prelude done with, was to present to the native audience a playful, meadow-larking imagination such as it had probably never till then and has certainly not since then felt in and from an American pen. As against the not unhollow symbolic strut and gasconade of such over-paeaned pieces as let us for example say "The Blue Bird" of Maeterlinck, so sim ple and unaffected a bit of stage writing as this of school dramatic intrinsically the same cajoles the more honest heart and satisfies more plausibly and fully those of us whose thumbs are ever being pulled professionally for a native stage less smeared with the snobberies of empty, albeit high-sounding, nomen clatures from overseas. Miss Gates s play, the cur tain upon which now goes up for you on the adjoining page, is at once a work of genuine fancy and sound art, and a work standing to the wholesome credit of the all too scantily filled ledger of imaginative Amer ican dramatic writing. GEORGE JEAN NATHAN. February the eighth, Nineteen hundred and sixteen. THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY In Fact In Fancy DANCING MASTER GERMAN TEACHER ^ , ,.~ , FRENCH TEACHER P rake and Ducks Music TEACHER BUTLER (POTTER) GOVERNESS (Miss Royle)The Snake in the Grass NURSE (Jane) The Two-Faced Thing GWENDOLYN The Poor Little Rich Girl FIRST FOOTMAN (Thomas) Big Ears PLUMBER The Piper ORGAN-GRINDER The Man Who Makes Faces MOTHER The Woman with the Bee in Her Bonnet FATHER The Man Who Is Made of Money DOCTOR ; The Man Who Rides Hob bies FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN . . SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN . THIRD SOCIETY WOMAN . . FIRST SOCIETY MAN SECOND SOCIETY MAN ... They PERSONS OF THE PLAY In Fact In Fancy SECOND FOOTMAN BROKER .The Man Who Breaks Things POLICEMAN Heels over Head PUFFY BEAR A Live Bear TOY SOLDIER King s English The Little Bird Who Tells Things COSTUMES THE DUCKS AND THE DRAKE should resemble those flat-billed, web-footed birds as closely as possible. THE SNAKE IN THE GRASS should wear a closely fitting dress that trails, and that is of a greenish- brown material which glistens in the light. On her head, at either side, is a green jewel to sug gest a snake s eyes. In Act I the Governess, Miss ROYLE, should wear a bonnet in which there is such a jewel at either temple; and her dress may also remotely resemble the Snake costume. THE TWO-FACED THING should wear, on the back of her head, a face that is made from a cast of her own. About this second face, her hair should be arranged precisely as it is about her real face. THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL wears a gingham frock. Her hair is unbound; her feet are bare. BIG EARS wears a huge pair of false ears over his own. THE WOMAN WITH THE BEE IN HER BONNET wears a robe-like dress that resembles the handsome dressing-gown of MOTHER, in Act III. She carries a bonnet which is like her small hat in Act I. THE MAN WHO Is MADE OF MONEY wears a suit that is covered with dollar-signs. The coat is the yellow of a twenty-dollar bill; the trousers are the green of paper-money. COSTUMES THE MAN WHO RIDES HOBBIES wears riding-clothes, and carries a crop upon which is painted the scale of a thermometer. The crop is transparent, and provided with a pocket flash-light at one end. When this light is turned on, the scale of the huge thermometer may be seen. THEY wear long cloaks of smoke-gray. Their hair should be powdered the same shade. The men wear silk hats. THE MAN WHO BREAKS THINGS wears a suit of armor, and a helmet with a visor. He carries a sledge-hammer. THE KING S ENGLISH wears a busby, a scarlet coat, and dark trousers down which is a scarlet stripe. Over his left shoulder is his bandoleer. On his right arm he carries THE LITTLE BIRD, which is a carrier-pigeon, life-size, completely feath ered, and with a bill that opens and shuts when THE KING S ENGLISH changes his own voice in order to impersonate the speech of THE LITTLE BIRD. THE PIPER, THE MAN WHO MAKES FACES, and HEELS OVER HEAD are dressed exactly like THE PLUMBER, THE ORGAN-GRINDER, and THE PO LICEMAN, respectively, of Act I. A LIVE BEAR is PUFFY BEAR grown-up. SCENES BITTER FACT ACT I. Reception Hall of Gwendolyn s Home. DEAREST FANCY ACT II. Scene 1 The Tell-Tale Forest. (Where There Is No Duplicity) Scene 2 The Land of the Lights. (Where Candles Burn at Both Ends) Scene 3 Robin Hood s Barn. (Where They Go Round) DEAREST FACT ACT III. Gwendolyn s Nursery. Epilogue Tableau: The Road to Johnnie Blake s. THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL ACT I THE RECEPTION HALL OF GWENDO LYN S HOME The high room shows a lavish outlay of money in its decoration, but every evidence of good taste. At the back is a wide arch hung with curtains down which runs an ornate, leaf -like pattern. Through the arch may be seen a part of the vestibule, with a playing fountain. About the fountain, and set in boxes of carved marble, are brilliantly flowered plants. At one side, between the fountain and the arch, stands a suit of armor. To the left of the wide arch is a great window, the sashes of which open outward. Its curtains are like those which adorn the arch, and its window-seat has a velvet cushion furnished with pillows. This win dow looks upon the Drive, and through it may be seen the tops of trees, a bit of the River, and, farther still, a rocky precipice crowned by woods. To the left of the window is an automatic elevator. The grille of its door is hung with silk, and through grille and silk the movements of the car may be fol lowed. Beside the elevator, a curtained arch-way leads to the dining-room. A glimpse is afforded of the service- corner, with its handsome screen partly concealing THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL both a sideboard and the swinging door of the butler s pantry. In front of the dining-room entrance is a small table and a deep couch. To the right of the wide arch at the back of the room is the fireplace. At either side of its hearth is set a large, carved chair. The mantel of the fireplace holds candelabra, and a clock. Above these, placed in a finely wrought frame, is a richly emblazoned coat-of-arms bearing a motto. A broad staircase is on the right of the fireplace. It descends from a landing which is concealed by velvet curtains, and ends in newel posts that are exactly the height of GWENDOLYN. Beside the staircase is the curtained doorway of the music-room. The hall is lighted by silk-shaded brackets. It is carpeted by several rugs. Before the curtain rises, a piano is heard, playing a lively tune; and the counting of the DANCING MAS TER keeps time to the music. THE DANCING MASTER One, two, three, point! One, two, three, point! [The curtain rises. The FRENCH TEACHER is seated beside a newel post. Before her, dancing, are the DANCING MASTER and the GERMAN TEACHER.] No, no, Fraulein! [He corrects her step.] THE POPE LITTLE RICH GIRL THE GERMAN TEACHER Ach, du liebe Zeit! I nefer learn! [She sinks upon the couch. The music stops.] THE DANCING MASTER Do not be discouraged! I am a Master of Dancing an artist. I could teach an elephant to dance! THE FRENCH TEACHER [Laughing.] Oh I An elephant! THE DANCING MASTER [Calling into the music-room.] Miss Brown! Please! [He holds out a hand to the FRENCH TEACHER, who springs up and joins him.~\ THE Music TEACHER [Answering from the music-room.] Yes! [The music begins again. The DANCING MASTER and the FRENCH TEACHER dance down.] THE DANCING MASTER One, two, three, point! One, two, three, point! THE GERMAN TEACHER Ach, if I could only do it so! 3 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DANCING MASTER You say that, but you make no attempt! [He turns the FRENCH TEACHER, and they dance toward the vestibule. The music stops once more in the middle of a bar. The DANCING MASTER and the FRENCH TEACHER halt, startled, and look toward the music-room, from which the Music TEACHER comes hastily. She is of the extremely assertive type. She makes a warning gesture. } THE Music TEACHER Sh! Potter! [She halts at a newel post, while the FRENCH TEACHER seats herself hurriedly on the couch. All wait, assuming stiff poses. POTTER enters from the music- room. He is a spare, elderly man, with the formal manner of a butler. He is, however, coatless, and has a square, white apron tied about him. His cuffs are off. He is carrying flowers. He halts.] POTTER [Coldly.] And where, may I ask, is Miss Gwendolyn? THE FRENCH TEACHER Oui! Where ees Mees Gwendolyn! [She shrugs.] THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE Music TEACHER We ve all been waiting. POTTER But the music just now? [They attempt to look innocent.] THE FRENCH TEACHER [Rising and going to him.~\ Pot-tair! I wait one hour. Mees Gwendolyn do not come for ze French lesson. [.Coyly.] Ees it harm for a leetle er entertainment? {Takes a flower from the armful he is carrying.] POTTER [Severely."] Here? What an unheard-of proceeding! [He crosses the room to the table; and so soon as his back is presented to the others, they lean to whisper, and exchange ges tures of resentment. He halts and turns. At once, all resume their stiff poses. } THE Music TEACHER But the child s nurse hasn t called any of us yet. I ve been waiting one hour and a half! THE DANCING MASTER And I, two hours! THE POPE LITTLE RICH GIRL THE GERMAN TEACHER Me, too! POTTER You will all remain, however, until the Governess dismisses you. [He goes into the dining-room, stopping at the sideboard.] THE Music TEACHER [Speaking low.] The old spy! [The DANCING MASTER, the Music TEACHER and the FRENCH TEACHER seat themselves dejectedly. The governess enters from the vestibule. She is about forty, and graying; tall and slender. She affects a sinuous walk. She is car rying two or three packages.] THE FRENCH TEACHER [Rising] Ah, Mees Royle! [The others rise with a show of pleasure, and gather about the Governess] THE OTHER TEACHERS Miss Royle ! Splendid ! So glad ! Miss ROYLE [Smiling, as she rustles down] Ah, Professorl And, ladies! 6 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL [Halts; sobers, and shows a trace of em- barrassm ( ent.~] Why, why, didn t Jane tell you? THE TEACHERS Tell us? What? Ja, vat? MlSS ROYLE This is Gwendolyn s birthday. THE TEACHERS Oh! Birthday! That s it! Miss ROYLE So, of course, I couldn t ask her to have lessons. And and THE Music TEACHER [Crossly.] And we weren t notified. Miss ROYLE No. Well, I I fully intended to. But er I thought you d prefer to come and not lose your er [There is a general murmur of under standing, and nods.] I ll see to that. And, besides, I d like to have you all stay to tea. THE TEACHERS Tea ! Oh, Miss Royle ! Could you ? 7 THE POPE LITTLE RICH GIRL MlSS ROYLE I m fairly famished myself, and utterly tired out with shopping. [The DANCING MASTER takes her wrap.] So kind of you, Professor ! [The FRENCH, GERMAN, and Music TEACHERS take the packages.] THE DANCING MASTER [Proffering a chair.] Miss Royle. Miss ROYLE [Seating herself, and smiling on the others.] Well, I flatter myself that, as Gwendolyn s govern ess, I have selected a most competent and obliging staff of teachers! [There is a second murmur of appre ciation. The DANCING MASTER bows. The descending light of the elevator is seen; a hand pushes the sliding door aside, and JANE, the nurse, appears. She is large and angular, with red hair. She is panting with anger.] JANE So there you are! A fine governess you are! How long have you been back? THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL MlSS ROYLE {With great dignity. } Jane, are you addressing me? JANE Who do you think I m talkin to? the gent in the tin clothes? {She gestures toward the suit of armor. } Miss ROYLE Jane! How dare you! JANE Well, you ve had me cooped up with that terrible kid all afternoon. It was neuralgia you had when you wanted to go down town. Miss ROYLE [Pathetically; with a hand to one cheek.] My neuralgia has been worse to-day. JANE Yes, it s always worse on bargain days ! THE TEACHERS Oh! How terrible! St! St! [The FRENCH and the GERMAN TEACH ERS sink to the couch.] THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL MlSS ROYLE Impudence! That will do, Jane. I shall report you to Madam. JANE [Advancing upon Miss ROYLE.] Go ahead, report! And I ll tell Madam somethin myself ! [Desperately, as she comes down to stand by the table. ] I declare I can t make that young one out to-day! Usually she don t want to see a blessed one of you [The TEACHERS assent. ] but now she s demandin to come down and see the lot of you together! [The TEACHERS stare at one another in surprise. ] Now what do you suppose she wants? Miss ROYLE Oh, well, we all know Gwendolyn. [The TEACHERS assent. ] JANE [Wisely.-] O-o-oh, it ain t the old tricks this time! "Jane," she says to me, every thing s goin to be, oh, so different, after to-day." [The TEACHERS stare at one another in alarmed inquiry. JANE turns angrily upon Miss ROYLE.] 10 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL And it s all your fault, too. What did you go and tell her it s her birthday for? Miss ROYLE I thought it best. Suppose her mother JANE The Madam won t even remember, especially with a dinner on to-night. [Belligerently, as she stalks to the ele vator and turns.] Well? Are you comin up? Miss ROYLE Why, Jane, we re to have tea, and I m sure you wouldn t er JANE Tea ! And me workin like a dog upstairs ! Miss ROYLE Why work? Why not take a ride in the motor? I am sure Gwen darling would enjoy it. [Ingratiatingly. ] And you may take Thomas with you. JANE [Suddenly mollified, and brightening. } Oh! Thomas! Well, I suppose a ride would be good for little Gwennie. 11 THE POPE LITTLE RICH GIRL [She goes into the elevator and closes the door. The cage ascends. POTTER ap pears at the sideboard in the dining- room.] Miss ROYLE Ah, there you are, Potter ! POTTER [Entering , and coming to the table, ] Eh? Miss ROYLE [With assumed dignity.] You may serve tea. POTTER Tea! [Stares about the room.] Here? Miss ROYLE Here. [POTTER is dumb with amazement.] Madam won t be back for an hour. POTTER [With polite firmness.] I beg to remind you that there is a schoolroom up stairs. [He goes into the dining-room.] 12 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DANCING MASTER Outrageous, Miss Royle ! THE Music TEACHER Impertinence ! THE GERMAN TEACHER Himmel! THE FRENCH TEACHER Mees Royle! Miss ROYLE I wouldn t have such a butler in my house! [To the Music TEACHER.] And as for Jane Well, I flatter myself that I never lose the composure of a lady. THE Music TEACHER I think you handled her extremely well, Miss Royle. Miss ROYLE [On the verge of tears. ~\ But it hurts to stand insults from such an ignorant, two-faced thing! [Proudly.] In my own home, the butler was a perfect slave to me. I had two personal maids until my father my father [She covers her eyes with her handker chief.] 13 THE POPE LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DANCING MASTER Ah! You lost your father! Miss ROYLE {With asperity; dabbing at her tearsJ] No! He lost his money. THE DANCING MASTER Oh! Miss ROYLE It s a terrible thing for a lady to come down to the position of a dependent ! Oh, isn t that the way with life ! Here we are we work unceasingly ; our pleas ures are few. What do we have? Nothing! While for one child, because she happens to be born to it, all this luxury [Makes a sweeping gesture.] everything her Heart can desire. And she isn t even grateful! THE Music TEACHER It must be trying to have that troublesome youngster constantly. The questions she asks! What do you suppose it was yesterday? [Mimicking GWENDOLYN . ] "Miss Brown, what is the meaning of absquatulate?" [The OTHER TEACHERS and Miss ROYLE laugh, ,] What she needs is a good, old-fashioned spanking! 14 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DANCING MASTER [Crossing to the Music TEACHER.] Well, what is the meaning of absquatulate? THE Music TEACHER Ah um I think he s addressing you, Miss Royle. Miss ROYLE [Taken aback.] Oh! Ahem! [Shaking a finger at the DANCING MAS TER, and simpering.] Professor, I shall answer you just as I do Gwendo lyn. [The light of the elevator descends.] Use your Dictionary! [There is laughter and applause. In the midst of the gaiety, the elevator door opens, and GWENDOLYN comes slowly out. She wears a daintily embroidered frock, and slippers. She is followed by JANE, who is dressed for a drive, and car ries GWENDOLYN S hat, coat, and hand bag. THOMAS follows, in the livery of a footman. He has a large Teddy bear under one arm.] Gwendolyn, dear! [Miss ROYLE springs up.] GWENDOLYN [To the TEACHERS, who have also risen.] I m glad you re not gone. I wanted to see you all. THR POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE TEACHERS Darling! How sweet of you! Gwennie! GWENDOLYN I wanted to see you because because maybe I couldn t ever again. THE TEACHERS What? Eh? [They stare at one another. } MlSS ROYLE {With some concern. } I don t understand you, darling. GWENDOLYN Well, you know, this is my birthday. So I m going to ask father and mother to let me go to day-school. THE TEACHERS [In consternation. ] What? Day school? Himmel! Mon Dieu! [JANE puts a hand to her mouth to con ceal a smile."] Miss ROYLE What are you talking about, you ridiculous child! Day-school, indeed! [Seating herself.} Haven t your dear father and mother provided you with your own school-room? 16 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN I don t want my own school-room. It s too lone some. Miss ROYLE And what about these dear, kind friends? [Indicates the TEACHERS.] Don t you want them, to come here any more? GWENDOLYN Oh, I ve been such a bother to them. They ll all be glad when I go to day school. Miss ROYLE [Sneeringly] Day-school! Where did you get that common idea? THE TEACHERS Humph! Bourgeois! Common! [The FRENCH TEACHER and the GER MAN TEACHER again seat themselves on the couch.] GWENDOLYN [Bravely.] Day-school is where grown-up girls and boys go. JANE You hear? Grown-up! That s what she s been givin me. 17 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN [Happily.] I am grown-up to-day. Miss ROYLE [Brightly. ] Oh, I see! One of her pretend-games. Very well, Gwennie; you re grown-up. Now, what shall we pretend? GWENDOLYN It isn t a pretend-game. It s really and truly! Miss ROYLE [Rising, and going to GWENDOLYN.] You re going to ask your father and mother to dis charge your dear, kind teachers? [She takes GWENDOLYN roughly by the arm.] Now, young lady! I ve had quite enough of this nonsense! Grown-up, indeed! GWENDOLYN [Stoutly.] Well, Johnnie Blake was grown-up, and to-day I m just as old as he was. Miss ROYLE A-a-ah! Johnnie Blake! So that s it! THE DANCING MASTER And who is Master Blake? 18 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL MlSS ROYLE A dirty, ragged little boy she met when she went to the country. She s been prattling about him ever since. Johnnie Blake! Johnnie Blake! Johnnie Blake! GWENDOLYN I m a whole year older than I was yesterday. Isn t it so, Jane? JANE Yes, but how much bigger? GWENDOLYN [Disconcerted.] Huh? JANE How much bigger? GWENDOLYN [Her confidence coming back.] Oh, a lot! [JANE whispers to THOMAS.] Miss ROYLE You stupid girl! Do you think a person grows up in a single night? JANE [Significantly.] Miss Royle, you ain t forgot, have you, Miss Gwen- 19 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL dolyn had me measure her yesterday right over there, on the post? [Points to the newel- post. ~] MlSS ROYLE Thank you, Jane. Well, Miss, since you re so cer tain that you re grown-up to-day, just step over and measure again. GWENDOLYN I I don t want to. Miss ROYLE [To the TEACHERS.] There! You see? She s afraid! [To GWENDOLYN.] Well, I ll take this nonsense out of your head! [To the Music TEACHER.] Your roll, please. [Taking the music-roll, she crosses to the newel-post. ~\ Where is the mark, Jane? [GWENDOLYN retreats a little toward the dining -room.] JANE [Pointing.] Top of the post. Miss ROYLE [Placing the music-roll on the post.] Come, Gwendolyn! 20 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL [GWENDOLYN looks at her governess fearfully for a moment, then starts to- ward her, walking on her toes. } THE FRENCH TEACHER [Pointing.} She walks on her toes ! [GWENDOLYN lowers herself, with an ac cusing look at the FRENCH TEACHER. She goes to stand under the music-roll; then rises slightly to her toes again. Miss ROYLE grasps her roughly by a shoulder, pushes her down to her heels, and lowers the roll until it rests upon GWENDOLYN S head.} Miss ROYLE Come out! [She pulls GWENDOLYN away from the post. GWENDOLYN goes, looking back over a shoulder anxiously.} You see! Not a hair s difference! GWENDOLYN [Returns to look again; satisfies herself that ROYLE speaks the truth; then bursts out vehemently,} But I am grown-up ! lam! And [With determination.} I m not going to have teachers any more. 21 THE POPE LITTLE RICH GIRL [Turning to Miss ROYLE.] No, nor a governess ! Miss ROYLE [Ironically.] Oh! So I m to go, too? GWENDOLYN Oh, Miss Royle, it s nothing against you, or my teachers. It s only oh, I want to be in a big play ground with lots of girls and boys, running and playing and shouting, and Oh! I ve seen them as we drove by, and they seemed so happy! While here I I know you all do the best you can for me, but I I [POTTER appears at the sideboard in the dining-room.] Oh, Potter! POTTER [He enters.] Yes, little dear? GWENDOLYN Potter! You ll believe me! You ll see I m grown up! POTTER [Surprised.] Grown-up! Bless your dear little heart, a young miss don t grow up till she s eighteen. [GWENDOLYN looks at him sorrowfully, 22 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL keeping back Tier tears. He pats her, hair, and returns to the dining-room.] Miss ROYLE [To the TEACHERS.] And now I ll excuse you all for the afternoon. You may come to-morrow at your usual time. THE Music TEACHER [Whispering.] Is it all right, Miss Royle? Miss ROYLE [With a wise nod. } Leave a certain person to me. THE Music TEACHER Good afternoon, Gwennie dear. THE FRENCH TEACHER [To GWENDOLYN, plaintively.] And she sink, please, so kind of her Mademoiselle! THE GERMAN TEACHER Auf wiedersehen! THE DANCING MASTER I wish you many happy returns of the day, my dear. [He pats GWENDOLYN on the head. The TEACHERS go, whispering among themselves.] 23 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL MlSS ROYLE Gwendolyn love. [She drops on one knee, and takes GWEN DOLYN S hand.] Listen, pet. Your teachers didn t know it was your birthday, and they were here a long, long time. And they got very tired. So Miss Royle had them wait down here instead of up in the stuffy nursery. [More confidential.] But we are not going to say anything about it, are we? GWENDOLYN [With no interest.] No. Miss ROYLE That s right, Gwennie, because it might worry mother! GWENDOLYN [Suddenly concerned.] Oh! Mother! [She crosses to the hearth.] Miss ROYLE [Rising.] Oh, Jane! JANE Well? [She comes to the Governess.] 24 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL MlSS ROYLE A certain party should not get to headquarters with these new er You understand? JANE But what do I git out of it ? Miss ROYLE You may have this evening off, yes-s-s. [Nods, smiling, and enters the elevator. The light of the car does not go up.~\ THOMAS [Speaking with a strong Cockney accent; he comes to JANE.] She s an old snake-in-the-grass. GWENDOLYN [Who is seated in one of the carved chairs. ] Thomas! Why do you always call Miss Royle a snake-in-the-grass ? JANE [Going to GWENDOLYN.] That s somethin you can t understand. Now, Gwennie, we re goin out. It ain t good for a little girl to stay inside all day, and miss the nice, fresh air. [She holds out GWENDOLYN S coat.] 25 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN [Rising joyously. ] Oh I want to go out! [She thrusts one arm into a sleeve.] JANE Thomas, you can order the limousine. THOMAS [Jerking his head toward the vestibule.] Hit s waitin . GWENDOLYN [Taking her arm out of the coat-sleeve.] Oh, I don t want the car. I want to walk. JANE [Disdainfully.] Walk? GWENDOLYN [Smiling.] Yes, Jane. I ll tell you! We ll go out, and down across the grass to the bridle-path. The dirt s loose there, and I can scuff it with my shoes. JANE Yes! And poor Jane can wear herself out cleanin ! GWENDOLYN No, Jane! I ll do it myself. Why, up at Johnnie Blake s, I 26 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL JANE No, you won t! It was downright shameful the way you muddied your clothes that week you was up country; and raced out in the thunderstorms 1 GWENDOLYN Who told you I did that? JANE A little bird. GWENDOLYN What kind of a little bird? JANE Never you mind. We ll ride. GWENDOLYN But, Jane, I could just kick up the leaves, and throw em. Why, I haven t walked for a whole week! JANE You can lean back in the car, darlin , and pretend you re a grand little queen. GWENDOLYN I don t want to pretend queen. I want to walk. JANE Rich little girls don t hike along the streets like com mon little girls. 27 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN I don t want to be a rich little girl. I want to walk. [She crosses to the couch. ] JANE [Following her.~] Now, be still! You ll go in the machine if you go at all. Do you think I m going to tramp over the hard pavement on my poor tired feet, just because you take a notion? [Coolly.] Tell the chauffeur we re ready, Thomas. [THOMAS goes toward the vestibule.] GWENDOLYN But I don t want to be shut up in the car on my birth day. And I won t! I hate the carl I hate riding! I hate the chauffeur! JANE Oh! GWENDOLYN And I hate you! And I won t ride! I won t! I won t ! [Sobbing, she hides her face in her arms. There is a moment of tense silence. THOMAS comes back, exchanging a look with JANE.] 28 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL JANE [Quietly, with a pretence of submission.] All right! All right! Walk. But don t blame Jane if [Dropping her voice in fear.] before you git to the corner somebody steals you! GWENDOLYN [Looking up.] Steals me? JANE Yes, steals you. GWENDOLYN But other little girls walk all the time. JANE [Purses her mouth., folds her arms, and speaks in a funereal voice.] Well, Thomas, I guess, after all, I ll have to tell her. THOMAS She forces y* to. [GWENDOLYN looks from one to the other.] JANE It s true. Nobody steals poor little girls and boys. But it s different when a young lady s papa is made of money. 99 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THOMAS So much money, hit fairly makes me palm itch! [Rubs one open hand against a corner of the couch. } GWENDOLYN But my father isn t made of money. I ve seen his sleeves rolled up, and his arms are strong, like Jane s. [THOMAS giggles.] JANE [Making scared eyes] What s that got to do with the wicked men that keep watch of this house ? GWENDOLYN Wicked men? JANE [ Triumphantly] Aha! Now, just let me ask you another question: Why are there bars on our basement windows? [GWENDOLYN S lips part to reply, but no words come] Kidnappers! THOMAS With knives! JANE Big curved knives, and they grab rich little girls and boys, and carry em off, and they never, never see their father and mother again. 30 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Oh! [She rises, staring before her in fear.] Then I won t go out at all. THOMAS [To JANE.] Now, you ve done hit ! [Strides away in disgust.] JANE [Exasperated.] But there ain t no danger if you go out in the car. Now, see here! I ain t goin to stand quarrellin with you all day. You ll go with Thomas and me, or I ll call the policeman. [GWENDOLYN starts in fresh alarm.] THOMAS [Returning.] Do you want im to come with is club ? [GWENDOLYN shrinks from him.] JANE All shiny with blood! GWENDOLYN But but, Jane! You stand and talk to him every night. JANE What s that? 31 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THOMAS [Jealously. } Ho, ho! She does? H m! She does, now! [He crosses to the fireplace. } JANE [To GWENDOLYN.] Hold your tongue ! [Puzzled at the command, GWENDOLYN touches the tip of her tongue with a finger. JANE follows THOMAS.] OK, now, Thomas, don t be misunderstandin THOMAS [Coldly.-} Miss Jane, if you re ready [He goes to wait in the vestibule.] JANE [Transferring her anger to GWENDO LYN.] You put on this coat. [She pulls GWENDOLYN to her roughly.} GWENDOLYN [Allowing the coat to "be put on.} But, Jane, let s drive down to father s office, and bring him home. THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL JANE [Suddenly suspicious. } Father s office? [She looks at THOMAS, who turns his head away indifferently. } Dearie, I m sorry, but I couldn t allow you to go to your papa s office. [Shakes her head solemnly. } It s full of bears. GWENDOLYN [Frightened. } Bears! Live bears? JANE [Nodding.} They d eat you up ! Now, on goes the pretty hat. [GWENDOLYN puts on her hat, then cov ers her eyes with both hands."} Tut, tut! Little ladies don t cry! [GWENDOLYN controls her weeping, puts a hand in JANE S, and they go toward the vestibule.} THOMAS Miss Jane! [He waves them to pass, and GWENDO LYN goes out.} JANE [Coyly, as she stops.} Now, Thomas dear! 33 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THOMAS Thankin you very kindly for your hinvitation to ride hinside the car but Hill stay hout ! JANE Thomas ! You ain t mad ? THOMAS [Stiffly.] HoutJ [He follows GWENDOLYN.] JANE [Coaxingly.] Ah, now, Thomas! [She follows him. ] You know how much I care about that policeman! [POTTER looks in from the dining-room and, seeing the room empty, enters quickly, and calls back over his shoulder.] POTTER Come through here. [A PLUMBER enters, in overalls, with a kit of tools and a length of pipe that is bent over one shoulder. He wears a greasy cap. There is a blast from the horn of the limousine, and POTTER goes to the window and looks out] Bless her little heart! Bye-bye! [The horn sounds again.] Bye-bye! 34 THE POPE LITTLE RICH GIRL THE PLUMBER [Roughly; talking out of one side of his mouth.] Well, where s yer broken pipe? [POTTER waves from the window. ] Say, you! I m on over-time, y know. Git busy. POTTER [Going to the elevator.] It s on the second floor. [As POTTER opens the elevator,, Miss ROYLE is discovered in the attitude of listening.] Miss ROYLE [Flustered.] Oh, I was just going up. I I mean I was just coming down. [She leaves the elevator, but stops on see ing the PLUMBER. To POTTER.] Is there anything the matter? POTTER Of all nights to have a pipe break! A wet spot showing on the dining-room ceiling! Miss ROYLE And Madam giving a dinner! [She goes to look into the dining-room.] THE PLUMBER Well, do I see that pipe? 35 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL POTTER Step into the elevator. THE PLUMBER Come on, sleuth! Keep yer lamps on me. I might be one of them second-story crooks. Haw! Haw! Haw! [He slaps POTTER on the back familiarly, and enters the elevator. POTTER ex changes a look with Miss ROYLE; then follows the PLUMBER, and closes the ele vator door. The light goes up.~\ MOTHER [Speaking from the vestibule."} No, I shan t need the car again to-night. THE SECOND FOOTMAN Very well, Madam. [MOTHER enters, followed by the SECOND FOOTMAN, who is carrying two packages, a large and a small. The FOOTMAN places the packages on the table, and exits into the vestibule.] MOTHER Ah, Miss Royle! Miss ROYLE [Hastening forward] Let me take your coat, Madam. 36 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL MOTHER Thank you, Miss Royle. Is Potter in the dining- room? Miss ROYLE No; he s upstairs, Madam. MOTHER [Indicates the packages."] These are for him. Favors. Miss ROYLE Yes-s-s. [Picks up both packages and goes to ward the dining-room.] MOTHER No, not the large one. That is for Gwendolyn. Miss ROYLE [Halting.] Of course! [Returns to place the large package on the table.] MOTHER A birthday present. Miss ROYLE [Simpers.] You are always so thoughtful! 37 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL MOTHER How has she been to-day? Miss ROYLE [Gushingly, as she unwraps the favors."} Oh, she s had a perfectly wonderful day, the little angel! Played with her nurse until afternoon; then she came downstairs to me. I didn t ask her to have lessons, but all her dear teachers came to bring her greetings. It was most touching. Then she wanted to go for a nice happy ride. So MOTHER I m glad she s had such a pleasant birthday. I promised her this morning that I d come up to the nursery for a little visit. Miss ROYLE [Simpering.] Yes-s-s ! MOTHER She said she had something important very impor tant to say to me. Do you know what it is ? [Miss ROYLE hesitates. The light of the elevator descends. POTTER enters from the car.] Miss ROYLE [Quickly.] Oh, Madam, I forgot to tell you about the break in the pipes over the dining-room. 38 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL MOTHER A break? The dining-room? Miss ROYLE Yes, Madam; the plumber s here now. MOTHER [Distressed.] Oh, I hope it isn t serious! Potter! POTTER Not very serious, Madam. We got it in time, as you can see. [He leads the way to the door of the din ing-room,, and draws aside the velvet hanging] MOTHER You say it s being fixed? Dear, dear! [Miss ROYLE stands staring before her nervously] The table s beautiful, Potter! POTTER Oh, thank you, Madam! Miss ROYLE [Taking up the favors] Oh, Madam, these place cards Potter s so busy. If you can direct me, I ll put them around myself. 39 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL MOTHER Very well. Thank you, Miss Royle. [She follows the governess into the din ing-room. ] The Doctor will sit here, and [POTTER follows his mistress as FATHER enters from the vestibule. The latter has on a business suit. He walks wearily. He comes to sit on the couch.} MOTHER [Entering, and speaking over a shoulder to Miss ROYLE.] The two ladies at this end, Miss Royle. Miss ROYLE [From the dining-room. } Yes, Madam. MOTHER [Sees FATHER, and goes to him.} Oh, dear! I m glad you re home! [FATHER looks up at her; nods, smiling.} You look tired! Has it been a hard day? FATHER No, not harder than usual. MOTHER That s good. 40 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL FATHER And you? MOTHER Well, it s been a trying day for me. Dressmakers, and hunting around for favors. Then, at the Char ity Committee Meeting this morning, the President was so [Breaking off.] Oh, well, I thought rude. FATHER [Angrily.] That woman nasty to you? MOTHER [Going to sit beside FATHER.] It doesn t pay to resent such things. They say she s simply the arbiter in that set. FATHER [Impatiently.] They say I They say! MOTHER Now, don t be angry with me ! FATHER Angry! Oh, no, dear; it s not you. It s only that I I can t get used to seeing my wife on her knees to anybody. But of course [Rising, and crossing the room.] 41 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIEL a man doesn t understand that sort of thing. I suppose it s all in the game. MOTHER You re worried! [Following him.. As he halts and turns, she looks at his face with concern.] What have you been doing to yourself? FATHER [Dropping to a chair by the hearth.] Oh, I ll be all right when I get a little rest. What I need is a twelve hours sleep. MOTHER Yes, yes, dear; but the dinner! FATHER [Blankly. ] Dinner? MOTHER Oh, not a big one just half a dozen people. FATHER Will it matter if I m left out? I ve got to see my broker to-night about some serious business. MOTHER Yes, I know, dear, but that would upset my table. And then you ve forgotten somebody that s coming. [He looks up at her enquiringly] The Doctor! THE POPE LITTLE RICH GIRL FATHER [Delighted.] Oh, the Doctor! [Rising.] And I haven t seen him in years ! MOTHER I thought I d like him to be here on Gwendolyn s birthday. FATHER Good! How is she? MOTHER Doing so splendidly, Miss Royle says. And, dear, this dinner it s practically for her. The right peo ple are coming people who have children the very smartest little set, you see. [The SECOND FOOTMAN enters from the vestibule, carrying a merry-go-round.] Oh, a merry-go- round! FATHER I stole fifteen minutes to pick that out. [He takes the toy from the SECOND FOOT MAN, who goes.] MOTHER Oh, she ll like that! [She turns the merry-go- round.] 43 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL FATHER Think so? But you mustn t wear yourself out with these social affairs. MOTHER [Earnestly. } Well, a mother can t think of that when she has a growing daughter. FATHER I know, I know! [Miss ROYLE enters from the dining- room. Her manner in FATHER S pres ence is dignified.} Call Gwennie, Miss Royle. MOTHER She s gone for a drive, dear. FATHER [Disappointed.] Oh! MOTHER But she ll be down for the guests to-night. And her supper can be a little later than usual. You under stand, Miss Royle? Miss ROYLE Perfectly. [She bows.} 44 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL MOTHER Come, dear ; it s time to dress. [She goes toward the elevator. } FATHER Oh, all right. [He follows, carrying the merry-go- round, opens the elevator door, and stands aside for MOTHER to pass. } Miss ROYLE Oh! Oh, Madam! [MOTHER turns. ] My neuralgia s been simply terrible to-day! [She puts a hand to her cheek.} MOTHER I m sorry. * Miss ROYLE If I could be spared to-night ? MOTHER Very well. Miss ROYLE Thank you! Thank you! [MOTHER enters the elevator. FATHER follows, closing the door. The light goes up.} 45 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL JANE [From the vestibule; wrangling with THOMAS.] I say you did! THOMAS I say I didn t! JANE Yes, you did! THOMAS No, I didn t! JANE You did, too! THOMAS We-e-ell, what if I did! [GWENDOLYN enters from the vestibule, followed by THOMAS and JANE. GWEN DOLYN is listless; she seats herself in a chair by the hearth, the Teddy bear in her arms. ] MlSS ROYLE Well, Jane ! Why this sudden return? JANE [Ignores her; to THOMAS.] The shame of it! Right in front of the chauffeur to give me the cold shoulder! 46 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THOMAS [Warning JANE.] Now, don t start no tongue lashin ! Miss ROYLE Thomas! "Don t start no tongue lashin !" Why mil you murder the King s English ! GWENDOLYN [Startled, rises y and goes to THOMAS.] Oh, Thomas! I didn t see that! Did did we run over the King s English? THOMAS [Laughing.] Did we run hover the King s [He covers his mouth. GWENDOLYN, puzzled, turns to Miss ROYLE.] Miss ROYLE Gwendolyn, love, come kiss Miss Royle. JANE Why, you ain t goin out? Miss ROYLE By Madam s express orders. Yes-s-s. JANE But you promised I could have the evenin off. 47 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL MlSS ROYLE Now, Jane, don t sulk. Madam also orders Mis Gwendolyn brought down to-night. GWENDOLYN Oh, goody, goody! I m coming downstairs to-nighl IS he dances up and down happily. } Miss ROYLE Gwendolyn, love, your presents are upstairs. GWENDOLYN Oh, mother is home ! he starts toward the elevator.] Miss ROYLE [Stopping her.] But you mustn t bother mother now. She s dressing yes-s-s. Good night, dear. [She kisses GWENDOLYN and goes towart the vestibule.] There, there, Jane! Be fair yes-s-s. Yes-s-s. [She goes, and GWENDOLYN surrepti tiously wipes the kiss from her cheek.] JANE [Going to GWENDOLYN and taking th< Teddy Bear.] Well, with all the new presents you git, it s high tim you was throwin away this little beast. A great bi^ girl like you! THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN But I m going to keep my Puffy Bear. JANE But, look! It s covered with germs. Let Thomas throw the ragged old thing into the rubbish-can. [She offers THOMAS the bear.] GWENDOLYN Oh, no! no! [She reaches out both arms.] THOMAS [To JANE, with mock politeness.] No, thank you! You can do that yourself to-night when you stand hout there talkin to your friend, the policeman. [He stalks to the door of the dining- room.] JANE [Following.] Oh, now! Thomas! THOMAS [Halting, to turn.] You two-faced thing! JANE [Pleadingly.] Thomas! GWENDOLYN Jane, have you really got two faces? 49 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THOMAS Aw, you can t bluff me! That policeman! E eels over ead! Eels over ead! [He goes out.] GWENDOLYN Jane, how can the policeman walk if he s heels ove: head? JANE [Hastily.] Here, dear, take your bear. Jane has to see Thoma; for a minute. [She starts toward the dining-room. ] GWENDOLYN But, Jane, if the policeman JANE [Halting.] Hush your foolish questions ! And don t you dare t( leave this room till I come back. [She goes out.] GWENDOLYN Now, Puffy, don t look frightened! I m not goin to let Jane take you away. Why, you re my besl friend, almost. And I love you! [She seats herself on the floor, takes iht Teddy bear in her arms, and kisses him.] 50 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL If I knew how to sew, I d mend you. Oh, Puffy, maybe some day we ll go back to Johnnie Blake s, and then it won t matter if you are shabby. Of course, a farm isn t stylish. But do you remember the gingham dress I wore? With the pocket? And we ate with father and mother, oh, for a whole week! [Sighs longingly.] Oh, I wish we were there now! But we can pre tend. [Springs up.] See, Puffy! Here s Johnnie now. [She curtseys to an imaginary boy at her side.] How do you do, Johnnie? [Imitating JOHNNIE S voice and manner.] Hello, kid! Why don t you go barefoot? [Herself again.] Well, I will! [She pretends to kick off her slippers and stockings; then imitates JOHNNIE again,] Bully! Goin fishin with me? See here! [Herself.] Oo-o-o ! Wor-rms ! [JOHNNIE.] Traidcat! Fraid cat! [Herself.] Fm not afraid of worms. [JOHNNIE.] Well, come on! Here, Rover! Here, Rover! [She pats her dress to call the dog.] 51 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL K [Outside the great window, a hand-organ strikes up a tune. Herself.] He s going too? Oh, goody! Goody! [GWENDOLYN hears the hand-organ, and stops her game. Smiling, she runs to the window, kneels on the cushioned seat, pushes open the sash, and calls down. ] Mister Organ-Grinder! Mister Organ-Grinder ! IS he waves to him, and the music stops.} Come on up here. THE ORGAN-GRINDER [From the street. } Up there? GWENDOLYN Yes, I d like to see you. THE ORGAN-GRINDER Oh, no, no! GWENDOLYN I ll give you a dollar. THE ORGAN-GRINDER A dollar? GWENDOLYN Yes. Come on! Please! THE ORGAN-GRINDER Nobody ll let me in. THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN j I ll let you in myself. Wait! [She closes the window, gives a quick survey of the room and darts into the vestibule. JANE enters from the dining- room, speaking back over her shoulder to THOMAS, who follows.] JANE Oh, the theayter will be fine, Thomas! THOMAS But how can you? Old Royle as gone hout, and you ll have to stay with the young un. JANE That s easy. You go to the drug-store and buy some of that sleepin medicine. I ll give her a good dose of it, and she ll be off my hands till mornin . THOMAS Right you are. I ll get it. [Looking about.] Where is she? JANE [Calling.] Gwendolyn! [She crosses to the foot of the stairs, while THOMAS goes to the door of the music-room and looks in.] 53 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THOMAS You needn t hide, Miss! We know where you are! [He goes into the music-room. ~\ JANE Gwendolyn! Was there ever such a child! Gwen dolyn ! [She races up the stairs. GWENDOLYN appears in the vestibule, makes sure that the hall is vacant, then calls to the ORGAN- GRINDER.] GWENDOLYN [Politely.] Come on in, Mr. Organ-Grinder. [She comes down, and the ORGAN- GRINDER comes to a halt by the fountain. Over his shoulder by a strap hangs his hand-organ. He is about sixty, with grey hair and rosy cheeks. His face is gentle, but he is roughly dressed in baggy trou sers, an old soft shirt, and a torn coat out at elbows. His toes show through his shoes. In his hand is his ragged hat, which he fingers nervously.] Oh, come right in. [He enters the hall timidly, with a glance backward, then forward.] THE ORGAN-GRINDER Remember, Miss, you got me up here! [Smiling, he halts by the hearth.] 54 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN It s my birthday. And I m grown-up. So I can have guests. THE ORGAN-GRINDER [In a sudden panic,, lie stumbles against a chair, and steps on the Teddy bear.] I think I d better go back to the sidewalk. GWENDOLYN Oh, no, no! Look out! Oh! [He retreats, startled. } I didn t want you to step on Puffy. He and I were playing a pretend-game before you came. THE ORGAN-GRINDER Eh? GWENDOLYN [She introduces an imaginary boy] This is Johnnie Blake. THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Taps his forehead sadly, then starts to leave. ~] Now I know I ought to go. GWENDOLYN Oh, no! [Catches at his sleeve and turns him] Johnnie s not real. 55 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE ORGAN-GRINDER Oh! Make-believe! GWENDOLYN Yes. Won t you meet him? THE ORGAN-GRINDER All right. [He places the hand-organ on a chair. } GWENDOLYN Now we re up in the country. Come, Johnnie. THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Entering into the game, and bowing to JOHNNIE.] Howdy do ! Howdy do ! GWENDOLYN And you THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Eagerly. ] Yes? GWENDOLYN You re Rover, the dog. THE ORGAN-GRINDER The dog! GWENDOLYN Yes. Bark! 56 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE ORGAN-GRINDER Woof! Woof! Woof! GWENDOLYN [Laughing with delight. ] Here, Rover ! Here, Rover ! [Pats her dress to call the dog. } Oh, but you don t stand up ! [He drops to all-fours. ] That s it! Ha, ha, ha! [Jumps up and down.} Look out! You re in the water! THE ORGAN-GRINDER Eh? GWENDOLYN [Points to an imaginary stream.} Oh, but it is water. THE ORGAN-GRINDER Well, I m a water-dog. GWENDOLYN All right. Good! Now, go over by the big trees. THE ORGAN-GRINDER Eh? GWENDOLYN The big trees! [She points to the newel-posts. He goes.} 57 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL Now, I jump across the stream and I accidentally drop Puffy. [She jumps the imaginary stream and drops the Teddy bear. The ORGAN- GRINDER springs forward, grabs the Teddy bear in his teeth, and shakes Aim.] THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Growling.] Rar-rar-rar! GWENDOLYN Worry him worry him ! That s it ! Shake him up ! [In sudden concern, she gets down on her knees.] Now, Rover, don t hurt Puffy! Rover, don t hurt Puffy! Here, give him to me. [She seizes the bear by a leg. There is a short tussle, then the ORGAN-GRINDER drops the bear; they sit back, laughing.] GWENDOLYN Oh, my, you re a fine dog! I wish you were here all the time! THE ORGAN-GRINDER Ah! But what would all the little folks around the city do? All my young friends would wait and wait, to dance on the pavement and I and my music wouldn t come! 58 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Oh, I d like to go down sometime and dance on the pavement! without the Professor around! And it must be nice to go wherever you please anywhere! THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Agreeing. ] Ah-ha! GWENDOLYN You know, I can t. Because Jane is afraid [She leans toward him, dropping her voice. } of kidnappers! THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Startled,, he rises quickly, seizes the hand-organ, and makes as if to go.} Oh, I guess I d better go out on the sidewalk. GWENDOLYN [Going to him.} But I haven t given you the dollar yet ! THE ORGAN-GRINDER You know, Miss, I ve got to go. Just because I m not a Dago, the policeman on this beat GWENDOLYN Are you afraid of him, too? 59 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Nodding. ] Why, he s run me off the block twice! GWENDOLYN Oh! THE ORGAN-GRINDER You know that big club he carries? [He rubs his knee.] GWENDOLYN All shiny with blood! THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Grumbling.] Oh, I d like to give him a black eye ! But all I can do is to make faces. [The PLUMBER appears on the stairs. He has on his cap, and is smoking.] GWENDOLYN Make faces? Where do you make faces? THE ORGAN-GRINDER Why, you see, I THE PLUMBER [Amazed.] Well! THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL [GWENDOLYN and the ORGAN-GRINDER start guiltily. ] What do y know about dis! [The PLUMBER descends. } GWENDOLYN [Smiling hospitably.] Oh, you re the gentleman that fixes the pipes? THE PLUMBER Yep. GWENDOLYN Mr. Piper, this is Mr. Organ- Grinder. THE PLUMBER Howdy-do, Grinder! Howdy-do! GWENDOLYN He s a wonderful musician ! THE PLUMBER Haw! Haw! And who are you? And what do you do? GWENDOLYN I m only Gwendolyn, and and I Well, after while, I m going to be a laundress! THE PLUMBER A wash-lady, eh? GWENDOLYN Oh, I can see them from my nursery. They have such fun! They run about on the roofs, and sing! 61 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE PLUMBER [Sarcastically.] It s a grand life! GWENDOLYN Oh, now let s have some music. Mr. Organ-Grinder, please begin. THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Nervously. } What, here? GWENDOLYN Yes. Oh, please! It s my birthday. THE PLUMBER Go on, Grinder, give us a tune. [He seizes the crank of the hand-organ, gives it a turn, and begins to dance. ~\ Let s jolly up these swells! [The ORGAN-GRINDER turns the crank, timidly at first, then more boldly.] GWENDOLYN Come on, Mr. Piper ! That s it. Point your toes. [As he dances, the PLUMBER takes up the tune, singing into the pipe coiled about his chest. GWENDOLYN also dances, using her dancing-school steps. JANE comes hurrying down the staircase.] JANE [Horrified. ] What s this? What s this? 62 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL [To the ORGAN-GRINDER.] You old creature ! Git out of here ! GWENDOLYN [Holding up her hands to stop the nurse .] Oh, Jane! I invited him! THE PLUMBER Yes, she asked him in. And what s the use of havin money if you can t entertain the friends you like? JANE [To the ORGAN-GRINDER.] You git out, I tell you! [To the PLUMBER.] And you, too! THE PLUMBER [Standing in JANE S way.~\ Now, now, Brick-top! Didn t you hear the little lady? This wonderful musician is a guest. JANE Ha! [Rushing to the door of the music-room. ] Thomas! Thomas! THE ORGAN-GRINDER [To the PLUMBER, as he edges toward the vestibule.] I d better go out on the sidewalk. 63 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE PLUMBER [Holding him back; mischievously. } Aw, wait! Wait! Let s get a peek at Tom! [To THOMAS, who comes from the music- room.] Ho! Ho! So you re the bouncer, eh? THOMAS If your job s done, you git hout! THE PLUMBER Who re you talking to? You six-dollar-a-week flunky! You re not a man. You re a ornament, you and the rubber plant! THOMAS [To the ORGAN-GRINDER.] What re you doin here? THE PLUMBER He s amusin the kid. And that s more n you re doin . THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Imploringly. } Stop! Don t! Let s go. [He edges farther toward the vestibule.} JANE [Intercepting him.} No, you don t! 64 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL [Pointing toward the dining-room.] Out the back way. [The ORGAN-GRINDER obeys her.] GWENDOLYN [Catching up her hand-bag and running to him.] "Oh, good-bye, Mr. Organ-Grinder! [She puts a dollar bill into his coat pocket.] THE ORGAN-GRINDER You ll hear me again after while. [He goes out.] THE PLUMBER [To THOMAS.] Old big ears! Puh! [To GWENDOLYN.] Well, so long, kid! GWENDOLYN Good-bye, Mr. Piper, and thank you! THE PLUMBER Don t mention it. Don t mention it. [Turning at the door of the dining-room. } All in the day s work! [He goes out.] 65 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN [Following him. ] Oh, you ll come again some time, won t you? THE PLUMBER [Calling from the butler s pantry. ~\ I got a swell chance of gittin into this joint again. [JANE angrily pursues GWENDOLYN through the swinging door. THOMAS shakes his head,, puts the Teddy bear on a chair, and turns on the lights. The SECOND FOOTMAN appears from the vestibule, and stands aside for the DOC TOR to enter. The latter is about fifty, and wears a closely cut Fan Dyke beard.] THE DOCTOR [To the SECOND FOOTMAN.] Say that the Doctor s here. [The SECOND FOOTMAN bows, and goes upstairs. THOMAS closes the curtains at the window. The DOCTOR goes to the fireplace, and looks up at the coat-of- arms. JANE enters from the dining- room, pulling GWENDOLYN after her by one hand] JANE You re goin to catch it, you bad, bad young one! [THOMAS attempts to warn her.] THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR [Turning. } Oh! JANE [Shaking Gwendolyn.] Into somethin every hour if I ain t dancin at tendance ! GWENDOLYN But, Jane! You haven t been dancing! JANE Now, I don t want any more of it! And if you act up again, I ll know you re sick or somethin , and I ll call a doctor! GWENDOLYN [Frightened.] Oh, no, Jane! Please don t call a doctor! I ll be good ! I ll be good ! JANE Then you come right upstairs. [Starts toward the staircase.] THE DOCTOE [Stopping her.] Just a moment. JANE Miss Gwendolyn s got to have her hair fixed, sir. 67 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR That can wait. I ll ring for you. JANE But, sir, THOMAS [Touching her elbow and whispering.] Pst! Doctor! JANE Oh! [Retreats precipitately, into the dining- room, THOMAS following.] THE DOCTOR [Smiling down.] Well, Miss Gwendolyn, I see you don t remember me. GWENDOLYN [Politely.] I I m sorry. But I guess I I don t. THE DOCTOR I was introduced to you the night the stork brought you. GWENDOLYN Oh! Well, you see, I was so little. THE DOCTOR That explains it, of course. I gather from your con versation that you don t like hem! doctors. 68 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN I hate them! THE DOCTOE [Taken aback.] Why, / don t think doctors are so bad. GWENDOLYN Oh, yes, they are! [Darkly.] They give little girls nasty medicine. And they re just waiting around to cut out my appendix, and charge my father a thousand dollars! THE DOCTOR [Laughing.] Well, I ve heard that wise doctors give only bread- pills. GWENDOLYN Bread-pills ? [He nods] Did did you ever eat one? THE DOCTOR [Heartily.] Yes, indeed! Why, I m a sort of a bread-pill spe cialist. GWENDOLYN What s a special-ist? THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR A specialist? A specialist is a man who = [Thinks a moment.] who rides a hobby. GWENDOLYN [Pleased.] A hobby! THE DOCTOR Now, let s forget all about doctors. Eh? I want to enjoy this little visit. It s some years since we met. [He holds out his hand.] Won t you shake hands? GWENDOLYN Oh, yes I [Puts a hand in his, and curtseys.] THE DOCTOR [Covertly feeling her pulse with his left hand.] I m an old friend of your father s and mother s. GWENDOLYN Oh, I like friends. Most of mine, though, are only pretend. THE DOCTOR Pretend? Then you don t go out much? GWENDOLYN Mostly in the motor. 70 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR Ah, the motor ! Well, I see that I ll have to get you out. [Crosses to the couch, and sits. } You and I will have to ride some of those hobbies of mine together. GWENDOLYN [Coming to stand beside him."] Oh, you have more than one ! THE DOCTOR Yes, indeed! Several! There s fresh air, exercise, plain food, good earth, and warm sun. [He turns her gently. ] Now, I want you to say mo-tor, and breathe deep. [He lays an ear against her chest.~\ GWENDOLYN Mo-tor! Is that the way you pronounce it? THE DOCTOR Very nearly. GWENDOLYN [Leaning against his knee.~\ I think Pretend friends are awfully nice. I go pad dling in the water with them, and we make mud-pies, and they come into my nursery whenever I want them. THE DOCTOR [Nodding. ] Ah! And when you don t want them, raus mit em! Eh? 71 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL [He makes a gesture of ejecting some one."] I call that a fine arrangement ! GWENDOLYN I have so many of them. First of all, there s father, and mother THE DOCTOE Father and mother! Pretend friends? GWENDOLYN Oh, father and mother are the Dearest Pretend! At night, when I m in bed, I pretend that father sits on one side, and mother on the other. And father holds this hand [She puts out Tier left.] and says, "Good night, little daughter." And mother kisses me [She puts out her right hand] and sings Would you like to hear what she sings ? THE DOCTOR Yes, indeed! GWENDOLYN [Taking a position in front of him in imitation of her mother] I ll sing the nice part. THE DOCTOR That s right! 72 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN [Singing.] "Rest! Rest! On mother s breast, Father will come to you soo-oon." [The DOCTOR looks down, to hide the tears in his eyes. She bends to peer into his face.] Don t you like it? THE DOCTOR t Yes, indeed! [He rises, patting her head] You sing as if you had a very remarkable throat. Would you mind if I took a look at it? GWENDOLYN How funny ! Of course not. [She opens her mouth] i THE DOCTOR I think I could see better if you d put out your tongue. [She puts out her tongue] That s right Way out! [He looks at her tongue] Ah! Just as I thought! Regular bird s throat! [His face shows concern. She smiles up at him delightedly as he goes to touch a bell. JANE enters instantly, showing that she has been listening] 73 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR [Significantly J] You re very prompt! JANE [Embarrassed. } Ye-es, sir. [She goes to GWENDOLYN, takes her by the hand, and leads her toward the stairs.] GWENDOLYN [Calling back to the DOCTOR over a shoulder.] I ll see you again this evening. THE DOCTOR [Following her.] Will you? Fine ! And after this I m to be a friend ? GWENDOLYN Oh, yes! A really, truly one! [She ascends.] THE DOCTOR And a pretend one, too? [GWENDOLYN nods vigorously, and dis appears with JANE through the curtains of the landing. The DOCTOR goes to the fireplace, takes out a note-book, and jots something in it. As the light of the ele vator comes down, he steps forward. 74 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL The elevator door opens, and FATHER comes out, dressed for dinner.] FATHER Doctor ! [They clasp hands.] THE DOCTOR Well! Well! Well! [He slaps FATHER on the back.] FATHER This is a compliment, to get hold of sucH a busy man! THE DOCTOR [Laughing.] And I m early. FATHER Goodl We can have a minute together before the others come. THE DOCTOR Something on to-night? FATHER My wife s having a few friends in. THE DOCTOR [Regretfully. ~] Oh, I d hoped to have the evening alone with you. 75 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL FATHER [Shakes head.] Alone! Oh, my dear doctor! THE DOCTOR Doing the society thing, eh? FATHER You know how it is in the big town. THE DOCTOR Yes. Beautiful home you have here. FATHER It ll do for a while. This is the music-room. THE DOCTOR [Pointing to the vestibule."] That entrance takes my eye. What a magnificent sun-room it would make! And you can t get too much of that sort of thing. FATHER I m glad you like it. [They go into the music-room. JANE ap pears on the landing with GWENDOLYN. They come down.] JANE Now, Gwendolyn! Sit here. [She leads her to a chair by the hearth, and GWENDOLYN sits."] 76 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL And don t you go tearin around and gittin all mussed. [Kneels to arrange GWENDOLYN S dress. } Jane s got to git some supper. THOMAS [Coming from the dining-room.] Jane! JANE [Going to Mm, and speaking low.] Did you git that from the drug store? THOMAS [Taking out a bottle] Yes. JANE Good! [She takes the bottle, and as she turns back to GWENDOLYN, slips it into a pocket of her skirt] THOMAS [Following her] It ain t the kind I got before. He said only half a teaspoonful of this kind. JANE [Not hearing] Ah-ha! THOMAS Sh! Potter! THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL [POTTER enters the dining-room through the swinging door. THOMAS joins him.] JANE Now, Gwendolyn, when the ladies and gents come, I want you to put your best foot forward. GWENDOLYN [Holding out first one slippered foot, then the other. } But, Jane, which is my best foot? JANE [Rising, exasperated.] "Which is my best foot?" and "Who are They?" and "Where do They git soda-water?" and "Where is Robin Hood s Barn?" [Crossing toward the dining-room.] Land sakes alive! That young un s questions would drive a saint crazy ! [She goes out. GWENDOLYN looks at her feet critically, then gets down from the chair. Through the window comes the long whistle of a river-boat. She lifts her head, goes to part the curtains of the window, looks out, then kneels on the win dow-seat. The curtains meet at her back, screening her. The SECOND FOOTMAN appears at the door leading to the vesti bule, and stands aside to let the FIRST and SECOND SOCIETY WOMEN and the FIRST 78 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL SOCIETY MAN pass, after which he as cends the staircase. The three guests come down. They are in evening dress. They look about them. ] THE FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN Rather nice, don t you think? THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN [Begrudgingly. ] Um! Yes. He had the money. THE SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN And decorators do wonderful things these days. But do look at that! [Points to the suit of armor, ,] THE FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN [Examining the armor through her lor gnette. ,] Oh, dear, dear! THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN [Laughing.] A rank fake, I ll bet! THE SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN Atrocious taste! THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN [To SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN.] I see you haven t met our hostess before, 79 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL [To the FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN.] She was just an ordinary country girl, pretty but horribly poor, with a fair education, and absolutely no culture. She met him; he was rich, and fell in love with her ; she married him. And since then [He chuckles. The curtains of the win dow shake. ] THE SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN [Eagerly. ] What? THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN How he s been making ducks and drakes out of his money! [The curtains shake more violently.] THE FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN You know what s the matter with her? [The FIRST SOCIETY MAN nods.] She s got the society bee in her bonnet. THE SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN The society bee, yes ! [GWENDOLYN looks out from between the curtains. ~\ THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN She talks nothing else. She hears nothing else. She sees nothing else. Goes wherever she can shove 80 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL in benefit musicals, hospital teas, Christmas bazaars, and Heaven knows what ! THE SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN Bad as that? Nouveaucc riches! THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN Well, it s kept the poor fellow in harness all the time. You should have seen him when he first came to town. And now the change! He s burning his candles at both ends. THE FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN Oh, dear! THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN You haven t heard the latest about him? THE FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN No. What? THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN He s on the edge of a crash. THE FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN Who told you? THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN Oh, a little bird. [GWENDOLYN covers her mouth with one hand to stifle a cry, and shrinks back out of sight.] 81 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN [Boastingly.] Well, her money s never been a wedge with me. [She crosses to the couch and sits.] THE FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN [To SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN.] The wedge, as you call it, is pretty welcome, isn t it, when one is Chairman of a subscription committee? THE SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN Well, if she should offer me a check for the hospital, I sha n t be insane enough to refuse it. [GWENDOLYN sneezes. The SECOND SO CIETY WOMAN rises, and joins the others.] Qu est-ce que c est que a? THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN [Nervously.] Est-ce que vous avez vu quelpu un dans la chambre? [All turn to stare toward the vestibule.] THE FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN [Turning about, and speaking loudly, as if continuing a conversation.] Yes, and we also found the Riviera very pleasant. [Breaking off. To the FIRST SOCIETY MAN.] Es ist jemand geniesst; ich habe es ganz deutlich gehort. THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN Haben Sie jemand beobachtet? THE FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN Nein. THE SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN Do you suppose any one was listening? THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN Je ne vois personne. THE FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN Das lauschen erwartet man nur von so ganz ordi- naren Menschen. THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN [Calling into the music-room.} Hello, old man ! FATHER [From the music-room. } How are you? THE FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN {Whispering.} Did he ? [The elevator light descends. } THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN No. Shi The elevator. [As he goes into the music-room, the ele vator door opens and MOTHER comes out.} 83 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL MOTHER [Crossing to the FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN.] How do you do! I m so glad you could come. THE FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN Charmed to be here. [They shake hands. ] This is my sister. [She indicates the SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN.] MOTHER [To the SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN.] How do you do! THE SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN I feel as if I knew you already. [They shake hands. } THE FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN We ve been enjoying this beautiful room. THE SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN It s a great pleasure to be here. So sweet of you tc want me. MOTHER So sweet of you to come! [As FATHER, the DOCTOR and the FIRSI SOCIETY MAN enter from the music-room, the SECOND FOOTMAN ushers in the 84 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THIRD SOCIETY WOMAN and the SECOND SOCIETY MAN.] FATHER [To the FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN.] How do you do! I had a glimpse of you on the Avenue. THE FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN Indeed! I didn t suppose you ever left your desk for a minute. This is my sister. THE SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN Charmed. MOTHER [To the THIRD SOCIETY WOMAN.] So glad to see you ! THE THIRD SOCIETY WOMAN We ve just got back to town! MOTHER Doctor, it s so good to have you here. THE DOCTOR I feel like a boy out for a holiday. MOTHER Excuse me. [To the FIRST SOCIETY MAN.] Well, globe-trotting seems to agree with you. 85 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN You re looking mighty fit yourself. [POTTER enters from the dining-room.] MOTHER Very well, Potter. [Calling to FATHER.] Dearl Dear! [She goes to him. POTTER draws aside the curtains of the dining-room door and signals to THOMAS, who enters with a cake on which is a circle of lighted tapers. THOMAS sets the cake on the table. JANE enters, and waits, standing beside THOMAS. POTTER goes.~\ THE GUESTS Ah! How pretty! Birthday, eh? Isn t that beau tiful? MOTHER Gwendolyn! Jane, where is she? JANE [Suddenly realising that GWENDOLYN is not present. ,] Why, why, I left Miss Gwendolyn here, Madam. [GWENDOLYN appears from between the curtains and comes down, looking from FATHER to MOTHER in concern. FIRST and SECOND SOCIETY WOMEN and FIRST 86 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIEL SOCIETY MAN stare at one another in con sternation.] GWENDOLYN Oh, mother! MOTHER [Gently reproving. } Why, dearest! [Stoops to kiss GWENDOLYN,, who returns the kiss; then curtseys.] THE FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN [To SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN.] Been there all the time! FATHER [Coming forward.] Haven t you a kiss for father? [GWENDOLYN curtseys, and kisses FA THER.] THE GUESTS Cunning! Fine child! Adorable! GWENDOLYN [Earnestly.] Father, could I ask you something? THE SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN [Interrupting quickly.] So this is your little daughter? How do you do, darling? I congratulate you. 87 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL [GWENDOLYN only curtseys, looking into her face anxiously, and goes to the FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN, to curtsey again.] THE FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN I congratulate you! THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN Well, little girl, I congratulate you. [Shakes hands.] GWENDOLYN [Curtseys, looking up at him earnestly.] Please tell me, how do candles burn at both ends? THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN Why, they they THE FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN [Quickly.] Oh, darling, the candles are over there on your birth day cake. THE SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN [Blandly.] And you just blow them out. MOTHER Yes, dear. Come! [GWENDOLYN crosses to the cake, looking back as she goes, at the guests. With elaborate attention, JANE holds her curls THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL back as GWENDOLYN blows out the can- dies. The guests applaud.] GWENDOLYN [To MOTHER.] Where do the lights go when I blow them out? THE SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN Isn t she clever! THE FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN What gave her the idea? THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN She s got a head on her shoulders ! MOTHER Thomas, the cake is to be taken upstairs. [THOMAS bows.] GWENDOLYN Oh, mother, may I sit at the grown-up table to-night? MOTHER Oh, no, dear. But I m having Potter send you up a nice little bird. GWENDOLYN A a bird? The kind that tells things to people? [There is general laughter. But the FIRST and SECOND SOCIETY WOMEN ex change uneasy glances] THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN [To MOTHER.] Oh, clever! Does she er speak French? MOTHER Oh, yes, French and German. THE SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN How chic! [Glances again at the FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN.] POTTER [Entering. 1 Dinner is served, madam. MOTHER Ah! Jane. [JANE comes to GWENDOLYN with a great show of affection.] GWENDOLYN But, mother, I wanted to ask you more. [THOMAS takes up the cake and goes to wait at the elevator.] MOTHER To-morrow, dear. [She kisses GWENDOLYN, and leads the way to the dining-room with the FIRST SOCIETY MAN.] 90 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Father! [FATHER pats Tier head and turns to offer his arm to the SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN.] THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN [To MOTHER.] I hear you re on the reception committee. MOTHER Why, yes. Who told you? THE FIRST SOCIETY MAN The chairman. [They go into the dining-room. } THE SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN [To FATHER.] You must be very proud of your little daughter. FATHER Indeed, we all are. [They follow the other two.} THE SECOND SOCIETY MAN Have you heard of that sixty-story building we re putting up down town? THE FIRST SOCIETY WOMAN Is that the same one you were telling me about the other day? [They go.} 91 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR [To THIRD SOCIETY WOMAN.] Excuse me. [He turns at the dining-room door to take GWENDOLYN S hand.] Good night. GWENDOLYN [Wistfully] Good night, friend. [She stands, watching into the dining- room, from where come laughter and gay talk] JANE [To GWENDOLYN; changing to a harsh manner] Well? [The faint cry of a newspaper vendor is heard from the street: Cf Extra! Extra! All about the lubble-lubble in Aw street! Extra Extra!"] JANE [Jerking at GWENDOLYN S arm] Come, now! As GWENDOLYN turns toward the ele vator, the SECOND FOOTMAN appears from the vestibule, showing in the BROKER, who is a middle-aged man in a business suit. His hair is dishevelled. THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL He looks worried, and comes down rap idly.-] THE BROKER Dinner or no dinner, I must see him. It is very im portant. [The cries outside continue, growing louder.] THE SECOND FOOTMAN But the master s at table, now, sir. THE BROKER I can t help that. I m his broker. Do you under stand? His broker! I must see him! [The SECOND FOOTMAN goes into the dining-room. JANE draws GWENDOLYN into the elevator, THOMAS closes the door, and the light ascends. The BROKER paces to and fro.} FATHER [Entering quickly. ] Well, did you find out? THE BROKER Yes, things couldn t be worse. The bears have kicked the bottom out of the market. To-morrow morning they ll have everything their own way. Here, take a look at this last extra. [Again the cries come from the street, but more faintly.] 93 THE POPE LITTLE RICH GIRL FATHER How much must I have ? THE BROKER One hundred and seventy-five thousand cash, and your banks still carry you. FATHER Isn t there any other way? THE BROKER Two hundred thousand would be safer. Have you got it? FATHER No! [The cries of "Extra! Extra! 3 die away.] THE BROKER Well, you ll have to get it. Here are duplicate mem oranda, if you want to look them over. [He hands FATHER a sheaf of folded papers.] FATHER All right. All right. [The BROKER starts to go.] I can get you at home on the phone? THE BROKER Any hour to-night. 94 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL FATHER Come by in the morning and pick me up. THE BROKER At eight o clock. [He goes.] FATHER One hundred and seventy-five thousand! [As he starts toward the dining-room, he is met by laughter and talk. He falters, turns back slowly, and sits dejectedly on the couch, covering his face with both hands. GWENDOLYN comes stealing down the stairs to him.~\ GWENDOLYN ISoftly.] Father! [He does not look up.] Father! [She comes to him. He uncovers his face and looks at her blankly.] I was afraid! I don t know why, but [From the distance, the cries of "Extra! Extra!" sound again.] FATHER Why, hello, daughter! [She drops a curtsey.] Dear little girl! 95 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Oh, father, I ran away! Oh, I don t care about my self any more about growing up, or anything. I m scared about you ! Just now they said [She points toward the dining-room.] oh, such awful things about you and mother. And, father, are there bears in your street? FATHER Bears? Ah, yes. The bears! [He laughs bitterly.] GWENDOLYN [Catching his hands.] Have they ever frightened you? FATHER Yes, dear, once or twice. GWENDOLYN Will they hurt you? FATHER [Rising defiantly.] Oh, I m not through fighting them yet! I m not through yet ! GWENDOLYN [Throwing her arms about him.] Father! FATHER [Unclasping her arms and searching her face.] Gwendolyn, who told you about any bears? 96 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Jane. FATHER Jane? That was wrong. Jane doesn t understand. And my little girl shouldn t be worried about father s troubles. GWENDOLYN Oh, father! I want to help! Please let me help! JANE [Appearing from the landing.] Gwendolyn ! Gwendolyn ! GWENDOLYN Oh! [She tries to warn her father into silence.] FATHER Here, Jane. JANE [Breathing hard.] Oh, thank you, sir. It give me such a turn, her stealing off like that! And she hasn t had a bite of supper yet. GWENDOLYN Father! Please, I don t want to go! FATHER [Tenderly reproving.] Why! Why! Why! 97 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Oh, I want to tell you what they said JANE She always acts this way at bed-time, sir. FATHER [Lifting GWENDOLYN S chin gently.] Father thinks she d better go. And she s not to worry her blessed little head any more. [He kisses her, and goes into the dining- room. JANE takes a bottle from her pocket] GWENDOLYN [Watching after FATHER.] I don t want any supper. JANE All right. But you ll take a teaspoonful of this. [She uncorks the bottle, and holds out bottle and teaspoon. } GWENDOLYN Oh, Jane, I don t want to take medicine I JANE You take it now! It s good for you. GWENDOLYN No! No! THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL JANE Yes, yes, and go right to sleep. [As GWENDOLYN takes the bottle and spoon, a hand-organ strikes up a tune from the street.] GWENDOLYN [Happily] Oh, the organ-grinder! The organ-grinder! [She starts toward the window] JANE [Stopping her] No. First you take that teaspoonful. I ll attend to him. [She stalks to the window-seat.] GWENDOLYN The organ-grinder! [She pours the medicine hastily; the spoon runs over; she drinks] JANE [Calling out] Here! You git! [The hand-organ stops] GWENDOLYN Oh, Jane! Please don t JANE [Turning about] Are you going to take that teaspoonful? 99 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN I did. JANE [Coming to GWENDOLYN.] You did not ! You throwed it away ! [She points to the rug.} GWENDOLYN A little spilled. JANE You throwed it away. I seen you. GWENDOLYN No, Jane! JANE [Firmly. } Come, now, you take a teaspoonful of this. [She seizes the bottle and pours out a tea- spoonful.} GWENDOLYN [Holding back.} But but [From outside comes the blast of a po liceman s whistle.} JANE [Darkly.} Ah! Here s the policeman! 100 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Oh, no-o-o, Jane! No! Don t let him get me. [She drinks.] Jane! Don t let him get me! Jane! JANE Well, then! No, dearie, stay here, and I ll tell him to go right away. [She goes out by the vestibule. GWEN DOLYN stands a moment, looking from side to side uncertainly. She puts a hand to her forehead, and as the drug takes ef fect, there is a faint roll of thunder.] GWENDOLYN Oh, there s a storm coming up! Oo-oo-oo! How funny! Why why how funny! [As she crosses unsteadily toward the staircase, the hall darkens] It s getting dark! Mother! Father! Help me! [She staggers back to the couch] I can t see ! [Blackness shuts out the hall. The thunder deepens, and the wind howls, drowning GWENDOLYN S voice. Then music is heard, as the storm lessens in fury. And a faint light grows. The hall has melted away to a deep glade in a forest. The fireplace is a rocky cave; the staircase, a cascade; the couch, a mossy stone; the elevator, a large, gnarled 101 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIEL tree; while the long velvet curtains are slender trees, through which the river is seen, shining under a great moon. GWENDOLYN, too, has changed. Her embroidered frock has disappeared. She is barefooted, and wears a little gingham dress. ] GWENDOLYN Why, why, where am I? [Looking up joyously.] Here s a tree! A tree! And, oh, [She stoops to fill her hand with leaves] leaves, and grass ! [She tosses the leaves.] And the sky! And the stars! [The music swells] And a stream! Oh, goody! A stream! [She springs to dip her hands into the water] And mud! Why, here s nice, squashy mud! A-a- ah! [She turns, flinging up her arms joy ously] Hurrah! Hurrah! I m outdoors! I m outdoors! I m outdoors! [She runs, leaping through the glade, swishing her hair in joyous abandon] Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! [CURTAIN] 102 ACT II SCENE 1: THE TELL-TALE FOEEST The curtain rises on the open forest glade. Now it is seen that the great gnarled tree is the Face Shop. There are noses on display; eyes, too; also foreheads, cheeks, and chins. The rocky cave is the Bear s Den. And the cascade is a stream of Soda Water, which ends in a pool. Winding up beside the stream, goes a steep path. GWENDOLYN is dancing, but somewhat wearily, to fairy-like music which the ORGAN-GRINDER plays on his hand-organ. The light in the glade is dim, and weirdly blue. THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Calling about him like a huckster.] Ears to sharpen! Eyes to sharpen! Edges taken off of tongues! GWENDOLYN [Breathlessly.] Oh, I ve danced so much, I m tired. THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Calling.-] Ears to sharpen! Eyes to sharpen! Edges taken off of tongues! 103 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN [Half laughing. ] I m afraid I m going to topple over. THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Chanting monotonously.] Relax recline repose. GWENDOLYN Why, you talk just like my dictionary! THE ORGAN-GRINDER Ears to sharpen! Eyes to sharpen! I take the edges off of tongues! GWENDOLYN [Sitting on the mossy rock] I hear you, but I can t see you. I guess I need my eyes sharpened. THE ORGAN-GRINDER Quite so! Quite so! You haven t been seeing things in their right light. [He crosses to Tier, leans the hand-organ against the rock, and takes a lorgnette from a pocket.] Now, don t move. Jus-s-st a minute. There! [As he applies the lorgnette to her eyes, instantly the light grows.] Now, you ll have no trouble in seeing! 104 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN [Rising, and looking about her.] Why why where am I? THE ORGAN-GRINDER Where are you? Well, you ought to know. GWENDOLYN I I ought to, but I don t. And I suppose people don t answer questions here, either? THE ORGAN-GRINDER Oh, yes. [Chanting. ] Necessary obligatory compulsory. GWENDOLYN How nice! [Going to him.] Then, why don t you ? THE ORGAN-GRINDER Well, if I must, I must. This is the Tell-Tale For est. GWENDOLYN O-o-h! Why is it called the Tell-Tale Forest? THE ORGAN-GRINDER Why? Because it is a wonderful place. No matter what a person pretends to be, the moment he enters these woods, he changes. 105 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Oh! THE ORGAN-GRINDER Instantly, without knowing it, he appears as he really is. Now, take yourself, for instance [She looks down at herself.] You re supposed to have everything, but the fact of the matter is, you have nothing at all. GWENDOLYN No? THE ORGAN-GRINDER And take my case. In town I m the Organ-Grinder, but here I m the Man Who Makes Faces. [ H e jerks a thumb.] Wouldn t you like to have a look at my establish ment? [They go to the Face Shop.] GWENDOLYN Oh! Moustaches and puffs and goatees! THE ORGAN-GRINDER And fine chins and cheeks. And, see! Here s a Roman nose. [He shows it to her.] GWENDOLYN And eyes! [A score of eyes have lighted up at the back of the shop, to wink and sparkle at her.] 106 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE ORGAN-GRINDER Wall eyes. Recently I made a lovely blue pair for a child who d cried her eyes out. GWENDOLYN Oh! And this? [She points to a box.] THE ORGAN-GRINDER A sauce box, full of mouths. And, see! Did you ever hear of a sweet tooth? [He takes up one] GWENDOLYN Why, I ve got one! [She points it out to him.] THE ORGAN-GRINDER I always keep a supply on hand. Carve em myself out of cube sugar. Now, just inspect this smooth tongue. [A sign lights up. It reads: ff Tongues in all languages"] GWENDOLYN Tongues in all languages! THE ORGAN-GRINDER Welcome convenient satisfactory. 107 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Oh, that ll save me a lot of studying. Please, I d like to buy two: a French tongue, and a German tongue. THE ORGAN-GRINDER So you would. So you would. But can you pay for em? GWENDOLYN Pay? THE ORGAN-GRINDER I see you don t realise who you are. GWENDOLYN Well, I ve been acquainted with myself quite a few years, but but THE ORGAN-GRINDER I thought so. GWENDOLYN [Smiling. ] I must be a happy little girl, anyhow. Look at my dress ! [She holds out the gingham pinafore.] TPIE ORGAN-GRINDER H m! [He takes her hand.] Well, I see you don t know. GWENDOLYN Tell me! 108 THE POPE LITTLE RICH GIRL THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Tenderly. ] You re The Poor Little Rich Girl. The Poor Little Rich Girl! GWENDOLYN [Thoughtfully.] That s so. THE ORGAN-GRINDER But things will improve. You can be so happy if you ll follow my advice. GWENDOLYN What? THE ORGAN-GRINDER You must find your father and mother. GWENDOLYN Father ? And mother ? THE ORGAN-GRINDER And you must get rid of those servants. GWENDOLYN But how can I ? THE ORGAN-GRINDER Leave no stone unturned. GWENDOLYN There s a stone right here. 109 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL [She points to a small stone beside the mossy rock.} THE ORGAN-GRINDER All right; turn it. [GWENDOLYN stoops and turns it.} JANE [From behind the trees. ~\ One, two, three, point! One, two, three, point! THE ORGAN-GRINDER Oh! How fortunate! Here comes one now. But you ll have to keep out of her clutches. [He goes to her protectingly.} GWENDOLYN [Whispering. ] Her? [They both turn to look, and fall back a step as JANE dances toward them.} JANE One, two, three, point! One, two, three, point! [She stops.} THE ORGAN-GRINDER What are you doing here, Jane? JANE What should I be doin ? I m dancin attendance. no THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL [She dances sideways to the Face Shop, where she examines a big red braid.} THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Darkly to GWENDOLYN.] Ha-a! That s it! We must keep her dancing! JANE [Shaking the braid.} Say, old man, what s the price of this switch? THE ORGAN-GRINDER I ll quote you no prices. You haven t paid me yet for your extra face. GWENDOLYN [Whispering.} Has she really got two? THE ORGAN-GRINDER Two. Just watch. Waltz around, Jane. JANE [Waltzing, and disclosing her second face.} One, two, three ! One, two, three ! GWENDOLYN Oh, the Two-Faced Thing! I like the Tell-Tale Forest. Things are exactly as I ve always seen them. [She goes to the mossy rock and sits.} in THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE ORGAN-GRINDER That s right. You must be lying down when she finds you. [GWENDOLYN reclines sidewise, and shuts her eyes.] JANE [Walking over to the Face Shop. ] Now, Gwendolyn. It s time you was goin upstairs. Come! [She presses a button, and the light of the elevator descends across the Face Stop.] THE ORGAN-GKINDER [Whispering to GWENDOLYN.] Don t answer! Mum! Muffle! Mute! JANE Ah-ha! You re asleep ! Here! [She shakes GWENDOLYN.] Wake up! Wake up now! [GWENDOLYN does not open her eyes.] Gwendolyn! Gwennie! Stop your foolin ! Now, don t you frighten Jane ! [Thoroughly frightened.] Gwennie! Gwennie! What s the matter? Oo- ooohl [She takes out the bottle, looks at it, cov ers her front face, and dances away to ward the trees.] THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL Oh, what ll I do? What ll I do? Help! Help! Police! Police! GWENDOLYN [Springing up, frightened.] She s going after the Policeman! Oh, don t let him get me ! Don t let him get me ! THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Reassuringly; putting an arm about her.~\ Oh, that s all right. You see, I gave him a black eye! And he s probably coming to match it. JANE [Calling from among the trees. } Hurry 1 Hurry! [She dances in and strikes an attitude. ] Look what Thomas is mad at! [The POLICEMAN enters, walking on his hands. He halts, standing on his head. One of his eyes is black. ] GWENDOLYN Oh! Oh! Isn t it too bad? [To the POLICEMAN.] That must tire you awfully. THE POLICEMAN I don t mind. All on account of Jane. 113 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE ORGAN-GRINDER And what makes it easier, he s got a level head. THE POLICEMAN [Proudly.] So I have. So I have. GWENDOLYN Heels over head on account of Jane? Have you taken a good look at her? THE POLICEMAN Why why [He turns his head to look] GWENDOLYN She s two-faced! THE POLICEMAN So she is! Well, in that case [He turns a somersault, landing on his feet. He wears a long, shiny club] GWENDOLYN And she told me that you grab little girls and boys and carry em off. THE POLICEMAN Well, I do. But where? Why, I takes em to their fathers and mothers. 114 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN You do? Oh! Then I m not afraid of you. [She puts out a hand to him. The OR GAN-GRINDER picks up the hand-organ.] JANE [To the POLICEMAN.] See how cold her hand is ! THE POLICEMAN Yes! Yes! Come, start the circulation. [He slaps GWENDOLYN S hand.] GWENDOLYN [Gleefully holding out a hand to JANE.] Yes, come! Start the circulation! [The hand-organ plays a lively tune. The three circle, laughing.] THE POLICEMAN Stop! This won t do! We got to call some one! [The ORGAN-GRINDER puts the hand- organ into the Face Shop.] JANE No, no! THE POLICEMAN Ain t anybody here? JANE Yes. In there at dinner. [Points past the Face Shop.] 115 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL But, oh, I dassn t I dassn t! Wait! Wait! I ll get Thomas. [She dances away.~\ THE POLICEMAN [To GWENDOLYN.] Ho! Ho! I m glad I found her out! GWENDOLYN And I m glad I know the truth about you. THE POLICEMAN Why, I love little kids. Here! [With a bow, he offers her a stick of striped candy.] Allow me ! GWENDOLYN Oh, it s the chewing kind! [She sucks at the stick heartily. ] THE POLICEMAN And what s more, I protect blind folks, and all old people. THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Coming over.] Eh? How about old organ-grinders? THE POLICEMAN I guess you didn t give me this black eye for nothing. 116 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE ORGAN-GRINDER Well, if you get another, I ll have to charge you for it. [He goes to his Shop. } JANE [Dancing toward them. ] Sh! I got Thomas. THE POLICEMAN [To the ORGAN-GRINDER.] And who is Thomas? THE ORGAN-GRINDER A footman a big-eared footman. [THOMAS enters. He stops at the Face Shop to pick a flower for his buttonhole. Again GWENDOLYN leans back with eyes closed. ] THE POLICEMAN [To the ORGAN-GRINDER.] Did you sell him those ears? THE ORGAN-GRINDER Boxed em yesterday, and sent em to him. [To THOMAS.] See here, sir! I don t exchange goods that ve been worn. THOMAS [Airily.] My hears suits me first-clawss. Hi ears most things 117 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL that goes hon. Jane, what s this you re tellin me about er? [Leaning down to GWENDOLYN crossly.] Come, Miss, come ! [He twitches her sleeve. ] Git right hup ! THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Warningly.] Don t answer. You needn t mind him any more. He drops his h s. THOMAS [ Threateningly.] You git hup, or Hi ll bring the Bear. JANE Oh, yes, Thomas, bring the Bear. Maybe she ll pay attention to him. [THOMAS strides to the BEAR S Den, from which come growls.] GWENDOLYN [Sitting up.] Oh, he s loose! [She flies to the ORGAN-GRINDER.] THE ORGAN-GRINDER Let him come. THE POLICEMAN I ll stand by you. [He suits the action to the word.] 118 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN All right, then, I ll see the Bear! THOMAS Come Bear! Come, Bear! [Slaps a knee as if calling Rover.] Ere! Ere! Ere! JANE Now, you ll find out, Miss ! THOMAS [Taking a footman s attitude and an- nouncing.] Mr. Bear! THE BEAR [Emerging.] Rar-rar-rar-rar ! [He is a large replica of Puffy.] THOMAS No! No! [Starts at him.] We don t want you! You re not the one. [Gives him a smart shove back.] THE BEAR [Resentfully.] Now, you stop, Thomas. You stop! [He waddles toward GWENDOLYN, smoothing his shaggy coat.] I won t be treated like that! I simply won t! 119 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN [Stepping forward. ] Why why ! THE BEAR [Halts and bows,, with one paw over his heart.] Ah! The Poor Little Rich Girl, I see! GWENDOLYN Why, it s Puffy! [She runs to him. They embrace. She kisses him fondly. To the ORGAN- GRINDER.] It s only my Puffy ! [JANE dances to THOMAS, and they con fer. Holding the BEAR at arm s length.] Oh, you dear Puffy! How are you? THE BEAR Oh, pretty shabby, thank you. GWENDOLYN I think you look splendid! THE BEAR [Moodily.] Oh, well, that s because you look on the bright side of things. Bears never do. Rar-rar-rar! 120 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN [Pointing to a ragged spot over his heart.] Excuse me, but aren t you losing your pocket-hand kerchief? THE BEAR [Shaking his head.] No ; that s my stuffing coming out. GWENDOLYN Oh! [The POLICEMAN and the ORGAN- GRINDER show great concern.] THE BEAR I lost some cotton batting once before. [Whispering.] It was when you were teething. GWENDOLYN Oh, I was so little ! THE BEAR I know you didn t mean it. But really I can t spare any more. [He staggers to the mossy rock and sinks upon it.] GWENDOLYN [Cheerily, as she follows him.] But we ll mend you, Puffy! We ll mend you! The shop s right here. [To the ORGAN-GRINDER.] 121 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL I ll take some stuffing, please, and a little fur to match. [She waves a hand toward the BEAR.] THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Bowing. ] Madam, your order will have prompt attention. [He goes to the Face Shop and hastily gathers some articles together.] THE BEAR Once I asked Jane to take me to the Doll Hospital. Rar-rar-rar! THE ORGAN-GRINDER Madam! [He comes to GWENDOLYN.] I regret very much that I am out of the articles you asked for, but here are others just as good. [He holds out a nose and a cheek. } GWENDOLYN What! A nose? THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Chanting. } In place of do as well substitution. GWENDOLYN Oh, we can t use a nose! THE ORGAN-GRINDER Ah, well, then I m afraid I must have help. This is a case that requires a doctor. 122 THE POPE LITTLE RICH GIRL THE POLICEMAN That s right! We re losin time! JANE A doctor? Oh, no! No! THE POLICEMAN [Darkly; to GWENDOLYN.] Why is she afraid to call a doctor? GWENDOLYN You mean he d help ? [The ORGAN-GRINDER nods, smiling.] All right. We ll call a doctor. Puffy, he ll fix you up. THOMAS [To the POLICEMAN.] There s one right hin the dinin -room. THE POLICEMAN Fetch him quick! [GWENDOLYN seats herself beside the BEAR as THOMAS hurries THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Proudly; to all.] You ll see! I made that doctor a very nice face. JANE [To the BEAR.] Yes! But he ll cut out your appendix. 123 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE BEAK If he does, I hope he ll forget and sew in a sponge. THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Chanting. } Frequent scientific professional. [The BEAR, JANE,, and the ORGAN- GRINDER gather close about GWENDOLYN as the DOCTOR enters. He has on a rid ing-suit 3 and carries a long crop. Behind him follows THOMAS.] GWENDOLYN Why, it s the specialist! [Nodding.} Which hobby are you riding to-day? THE DOCTOR [Waving the others away."] Fresh air! Fresh air, here! Fresh air! [Anxiously .] Little girl! Little girl! [She gives him her hand. He feels her pulse.} Jane, what have you been giving her? [THOMAS and JANE show fear.} Officer, there s something wrong here. [To JANE.] What have you given her, I say? 124 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL JANE [Dances close to THOMAS and attempts to smuggle the medicine bottle to him; it drops to the ground.] Pick it up, Thomas! [THOMAS reaches for the bottle.] THE DOCTOR [Springing forward.] Hold on! I ll have a look at that. [Seizes the bottle and examines it. The BEAR is faint. GWENDOLYN half sup ports him] THE POLICEMAN Ah ha! [Shakes his club at THOMAS and JANE.] THE DOCTOR Good heavens! Did she have any of this? JANE I don t know a thing about it. [The DOCTOR turns upon THOMAS.] THOMAS Nor me, neither ! THE DOCTOR [To the POLICEMAN.] It was bought at the corner. 125 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE POLICEMAN [Taking the bottle.] I ll find out, sir. Leave it to me! Give me a sharp eye. [He goes to the Face Shop and helps himself to an eye on the end of a stick. It lights up. He flashes the eye about him as he hurries away through the trees. ~\ THE ORGAN-GRINDER I really ought to make him pay for that eye. [Mumbles to himself as he rearranges the faces on the counter of the Shop.] THE BEAR You re lucky you don t have to pay him! GWENDOLYN [To the DOCTOR.] We re forgetting Puffy. He needs a doctor. THE DOCTOR [Tenderly] The doctor s here, little girl; the doctor s here. GWENDOLYN You re a a doctor? THE DOCTOR And I m going to help all I can. [He feels the BEAR S pulse.] 126 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL But [He goes to the Face Shop.] There are some things I ve got to have. THE ORGAN-GRINDER Anything in the face line? JANE [To the BEAR.] He ll give you nasty medicine. THE BEAR What? Rar-rar-rar! GWENDOLYN No, Puffy, he ll give you bread-pills. THE DOCTOR [To the ORGAN-GRINDER.] Have you any bread-pills ? THE ORGAN-GRINDER I don t keep em, but I ll put a dozen in stock. [He hurries toward the River.] THE DOCTOR [To JANE.] Call her father. JANE Oh, Doctor! [She dances toward the Face Shop.] 127 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR Call her father! [To THOMAS, as JANE goes waltzing away.] My overcoat! THOMAS Yes, sir. THE DOCTOE The small case in the right-hand pocket. Bring it here. [As THOMAS hastens to obey, the DOC TOR seizes the BEAR by a paw and throws him toward the Soda Water stream, where the BEAR sits awkwardly, like a sawdust bear.] FATHER [Anxiously; as he hurries in, wearing the money -suit. ~\ Doctor! Doctor! What has happened? THE DOCTOR I don t know. I came out here and found her de lirious. FATHER [Kneeling in front of GWENDOLYN.] Gwendolyn! Gwendolyn! Here s father, little darling. See! GWENDOLYN How do you do, sir? 128 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL FATHER Gwendolyn! This is father, little daughter, father! Oh, don t you know me? GWENDOLYN [Dreamily.] Made of money ! [She smooths a sleeve of the yellow coat.~\ I think I ve met you before somewhere. FATHER [Rising.] Doctor, she doesn t know me ! She doesn t know me ! THE DOCTOR There, there! Steady, old man! [GWENDOLYN rises, and he measures her with his crop as the ORGAN-GRINDER comes puffing in, carrying a doctor s bag full of bread-pills.] THE ORGAN-GRINDER Here s a dozen fresh from the oven! FATHER Doctor, how low is she? THE DOCTOR I m measuring her. [The riding -crop lights up, showing de grees and height of mercury. ] 129 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL Ninety-seven and two-fifths. [He shakes his head.] FATHER That s low! THE DOCTOR Too low. GWENDOLYN Yes, but I ll grow taller. THE DOCTOR It must come up ! It must ! [He takes a bread-pill from the bag and offers it to her.] Here, take one of these bread-pills. GWENDOLYN [Taking the pill and eating it heartily.] Oh, it s awfully crisp and crunchy! FATHER [Touching her hand.] It ll make you better, dear. Make my little girl better. GWENDOLYN [Shrinking from him and watching him as she goes to the ORGAN-GRINDER.] It s too bad! This gentleman has come, and I don t remember who he is. Is he Sam Hill, or Great Scott? 130 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Scratching his head.] Well, I made him that long face. [He stares at FATHER.] Money currency cash. FATHER Doctor, what is she saying? THE DOCTOR She s seeing many strange things. THOMAS [Returning. ] Here you are, sir. [He hands a small hypodermic case to the DOCTOR.] THE DOCTOR Here! Hold this. [He gives the case to the ORGAN- GRINDER.] Sh! Her mother! [All turn as MOTHER comes hurrying to ward them. Behind her walk five grey figures two men, and three women.] MOTHER [Staring down at the bonnet she carries.] Why, what has happened? What has happened? Gwendolyn! Gwendolyn! My little daughter! 131 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN [Timidly.] Have have I met you before? [She curtseys.] MOTHER Doctor, she doesn t know me! Oh, what has hap pened! [The Bee in the bonnet buzzes.] GWENDOLYN May I ask what you have in your bonnet? MOTHER [As if dazed.] The Bee! The Bee! [The buzzing is loud.] GWENDOLYN The Bee? THE ORGAN-GRINDER She hears nothing else ! She sees nothing else ! MOTHER [Still staring at the bonnet.] Oh, what a terrible thing! She was all right when I left her such a little while ago! [The Bee buzzes angrily.] GWENDOLYN She s very fond of the Bee ! 132 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE ORGAN-GKINDER [Wagging his head sadly.] Contemplation ! Speculation ! Perlustration ! GWENDOLYN What kind of a Bee is it? MOTHER The Bee! A social honey-gathering insect. GWENDOLYN Oh, a Society Bee! THEY [In chorus.] And the very latest fashion. MOTHER [Brokenly.] The Bee ! The Bee ! The Bee ! THE DOCTOR [To FATHER, who has put an arm about MOTHER comfortingly.] Don t you think you had better take her upstairs? FATHER Yes. Come, dear! Come! { MOTHER Come? Why, what do They say? 133 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL FATHER They say! They say! GWENDOLYN They? [Crossing to THEY.] Are you They? THEY [In chorus. ] We are. GWENDOLYN How do you do, They? [She curtseys.] THEY [In chorus.] We do the proper thing. [They shake hands with one another, holding their hands very high.~\ I congratulate you! I congratulate you! I con gratulate you! GWENDOLYN I m glad to meet you. I ve heard about you so often. And I ve heard things you ve said. Aren t you al ways saying things? THEY Saying things? Well, we get the blame, but the talking is done by the Little Bird. GWENDOLYN Oh, I don t want to blame you. 134 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THEY [In chorus, while they point at one an other.] I blame him and she blames me. In that way we shift the responsibility. And as we always keep to gether, nobody ever knows who really is to blame. FATHER [To THEY.] This is no place for her. [He indicates MOTHER.] Tell her so. THEY i [Advancing.] It isn t good form to stay here, Madam. People aren t doing it this year. Come! [They gesture toward the stream of Soda Water.] MOTHER Yes! Yes! I ll go I ll do whatever you say. [The Bee buzzes.] The Bee! The Bee! The social honey-gathering insect ! [She ascends the steep path.] THEY [In chorus, following.] Well, people must know about this. Good day! Good day! Good day! [THEY shake hands with one another as they go.] 135 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL FATHER My little girl, Doctor? THE DOCTOR I ll bring her. [To GWENDOLYN, as FATHER follows THEY.] Come! GWENDOLYN [Holds out both hands. ~\ I m ready. THE DOCTOR Then come. [He walks beside her.~\ JANE [Barring the way.] Here ! That child s in my charge, and she ll do noth- in of the kind. [She catches at GWENDOLYN.] THOMAS [To JANE.] We must git er away from im. JANE I know a way! [She points at the ground.] See! It s an automobile road! It s a fine automo bile road! 136 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THOMAS [Darkly.] Ah, hit makes a difference, that ! JANE Wait! [Calling across the pool. } Mo-tor! Mo-tor! [A motor-horn answers her.] Ah-ha-a-a ! GWENDOLYN [Frightened.] Oh, no, no! Oh, I don t want to be shut up in the car! And I won t! I won t! I won t! [As she falls back,, a limousine advances to her swiftly and stops. It has no driver. It honks at her threateningly. Behind it enters the PLUMBER. The length of pipe over his shoulder now re sembles a musical instrument.] JANE Now, sweetie, rich little girls don t hike along the streets like common poor little girls. [She reaches out to seize GWENDOLYN.] GWENDOLYN But I want to walk! THE DOCTOR [Frantically.] This motoring must stop} 137 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL JANE Aw! go back to your hobbies! What do you know about kids? Come, Gwen; you re a-goin . [She takes GWENDOLYN by the arm.] GWENDOLYN [Holding back.} Oh, please ! Please ! THE PLUMBER [Who is examining the car.] Well, she can t go. GWENDOLYN It s the Piper! JANE [To the PLUMBER.] What do you mean? GWENDOLYN Oh, I hope something s wrong with the car! THE PLUMBER Wrong? You bet yer life ! It s broke! [Horrified, JANE clasps both foreheads. ] Look who I got for my passenger! [The BROKER steps out of the car, break- ing a hinge of the door, which sags with a bang. } THE BROKER I m his broker! 138 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE PLUMBER Ya-ah! That s what comes of carryin a Broker! JANE Yes. You broke itl But you didn t hurt yourself, did you? THE BROKER I take no chances ! THE ORGAN-GRINDER Careful! Cautious! Commission! GWENDOLYN [To the BROKER.] Oh, I m so grateful to you! [She curtseys.] Now I won t have to ride. THE BROKER You re very welcome, I m sure. [He shakes hands with her, bowing. ] Very welcome. [He crosses to the Face Shop; the OR GAN-GRINDER shows him a forehead.] GWENDOLYN [To the DOCTOR.] Now, if we could only get rid of the car! THE DOCTOR Officer! 139 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE POLICEMAN I can help ! JANE No, no! THE POLICEMAN [Shoving JANE aside.] It can t resist a policeman. [To the Motor; waving his club.] Here, Motor, you re blocking traffic. Move on! Move on! [With loud blasts of the horn, the limou sine rushes away into the Forest, while the POLICEMAN proudly takes his stand at the top of the steep path.] THE DOCTOR Ah-ha 1 That s the last we ll see of that car ! [There is a chorus of applause, in the midst of which the BROKER drops the forehead.] THE ORGAN-GRINDER Oh! Oh! Oh! He s broken a forehead! THE BROKER Oh, I m so sorry! I m so sorry! It was purely ac cidental. [He backs, knocking a wrench out of the PLUMBER S hand.] THE PLUMBER Say, you ve broke me pipe wrench. 140 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE BROKER I m so sorry! THE PLUMBER You ll pay for dat wrench. THE BROKER It was purely accidental, I assure you. [He stumbles against the BEAR, who top ples sidewise.~] Oh, I m so sorry! GWENDOLYN Oh, Doctor! Puffy! THE DOCTOR I ll fix him up all right. There! [He thrusts the riding-crop into the BEAR S mouth, then feels his pulse.] GWENDOLYN Puffy, you re mended! THE PLUMBER [Staring at GWENDOLYN.] Well, what do you know about dis ! GWENDOLYN How do you do, Mr. Piper? [She curtseys. } THE PLUMBER Well, if here ain t the P. L. R. G. ! 141 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Oh, when did you come out? THE PLUMBER [Gruffly.] I didn t come out. GWENDOLYN No? THE PLUMBER No. I got run out. GWENDOLYN Oh, but why? [JANE hides a double smile. ] THE PLUMBER Well, in town everybody s in debt. And nobody wants to pay the Piper. Anyway, I ain t never been popular. THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Sternly.] You overcharge? THE POLICEMAN [Calling down.] You made me pay too dear for my whistle. THE PLUMBER Why, hello, copper! Say! Yer off yer beat! [JANE titters as she comes waltzing up.] THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL What do you t ink yer doin ? Singin a duet with yerself? JANE I m dancin attendance. THE PLUMBER Them that dance must pay the Piper. [He holds out his hand, and she pays him too little. } No, you don t, ma am! I m a union man. [She pays more. ] That s more like it. THE DOCTOR [To the BEAR.] Now you re as good as new ! THE BEAR Thank you! Would a little soda-water hurt me. Doctor? [He waves a paw toward the stream. ] THE DOCTOR We-e-ell GWENDOLYN [Pleadingly.] And I m thirsty so thirsty. THE DOCTOR Then drink. GWENDOLYN All I want to? 143 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE ORGAN-GRINDER Sip! Lap! Tipple! GWENDOLYN Oh, soda-water! [She runs with the BEAR to the pool, where they lean to drink. As she rises, a change is apparent. She comes to the DOCTOR and looks up into his face.~\ Tell me who is he? THE DOCTOR He? [He takes her hand, covertly feeling her pulse. } GWENDOLYN The Man Who is Made of Money? THE DOCTOR That, little girl> that is your father. GWENDOLYN My father? THE DOCTOR Yes. JANE [Steps forward.] You shan t bother your father! 1 THOMAS It s is busy day. [The POLICEMAN rushes down to drive the two back.] 144 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL, GWENDOLYN [To the ORGAN-GRINDER.] Where is my fath-er? THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Embarrassed. ] Where? Well, er the fact is, he s gone to the Land of the Lights. GWENDOLYN The Land of the Lights? THE ORGAN-GRINDER YouVe heard that light grows? [She nods.~\ It s there that candle-light grows the candles that burn at both ends. GWENDOLYN Is it far? THE ORGAN-GRINDER Out in a new addition yes, addition, subtraction, multiplication. [THOMAS and JANE whisper together. } GWENDOLYN [To the DOCTOR.] Will you go with me? THE DOCTOR [Looking at his riding -crop.] If you re tall enough. [He measures her.] 145 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL JANE I know who ll put a stop to this! [To GWENDOLYN.] You can t go without asking her, darlin . GWENDOLYN Her? JANE Ah-ha! See what s up yonder in the grass! [She points up the steep path, whereupon Miss ROYLE comes gliding down.] Miss ROYLE [Hissing.] Yes-s-s! GWENDOLYN The snake! JANE Ah-ah! I thought so! Miss ROYLE [Out of sight among the trees.] Yes-s-s ! THE ORGAN-GRINDER [To GWENDOLYN.] That old snake in the grass she s the cause of a lot of your troubles. You must get rid of her, too. THE DOCTOR [Reading the degrees on his riding-crop.] Ninety-seven! 146 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE PLUMBER [Advancing toward the trees. ] Here s more comin to me! Miss ROYLE [Rising to meet him.] Sir, I have not been dancing. THE PLUMBER Well, what do you call that wrigglin and twistin ? Miss ROYLE Oh, very well; take this. [She gives Mm money. } My neuralgia s been much worse to-day. [She puts a hand to her cheek. As she glides toward GWENDOLYN, the DOCTOR waves the riding-crop at her threaten ingly.} Which direction are you going, darling? GWENDOLYN [Dreamily.} Oh, I m I m just wandering. [She takes a step or two.} THE DOCTOR Yes, she s just wandering. [He puts an arm about her tenderly.} Miss ROYLE Then I ll wander with you. Yes-s-s! 147 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL JANE Thomas ! THOMAS To save hour jobs! [He disappears among the trees for a moment, returning with a long, rough tongue , which he waves menacingly at the DOCTOR.] You shan t pass this way ! THE DOCTOR You forget whom I have at my command. [To the POLICEMAN.] Officer, blow your whistle ! [The POLICEMAN obeys. } Blow it at the top of your lungs! [The POLICEMAN places the whistle against his chest, and there sounds the loud blast of a river steamer where upon the KING S ENGLISH appears at the top of the steep path.} THE KING S ENGLISH I am the King s English! THOMAS [Appalled.} The King s Hinglish? 148 THE POPE LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR I have the King s English at my command ! See his polished tongue ! [The KING S ENGLISH holds a shining tongue aloft.] THOMAS He d better start no tongue-lashin , or Hi ll murder im! Hi ll murder im with me rough one! Hi ll give you a tongue-lashin . [The KING S ENGLISH descends. And the two circle, looking for a chance to at tack.] THE KING S ENGLISH I m for her going up ! [He lashes out with the tongue. ,] THOMAS Hi m for er stayin down! [He returns the blow.] THE KING S ENGLISH Up! Up! THOMAS Down, Hi say! [They cut at each other furiously.] JANE Use H-words, Thomas! Use H-words! 149 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THOMAS Ack! And it! And ammer! THE KING S ENGLISH Hack, and hit, and hammer! GWENDOLYN [To the KING S ENGLISH.] Put your best foot forward! THE KING S ENGLISH [Breathing harder, as they circle.] H-words don t matter. I m safe as long as his gram mar doesn t get too bad. THOMAS [ Triumphantly. } Ah-ha! Me and him will fight! THE KING S ENGLISH [Panting. } He and I will fight! [They exchange blows.} JANE [Darkly.} Try your verbs, Thomas ! Try your verbs ! THOMAS I have went ! I have went ! I have went ! [He delivers three lashes of the tongue.} 150 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE KING S ENGLISH [Gasping.] Oh! Oh! I have gone! I have gone! [He strikes back, but weakly. The DOC TOR, the PLUMBER, the BEAR, the POLICE MAN, the ORGAN-GRINDER and GWENDO LYN show fear for the safety of the KING S ENGLISH, but JANE and Miss ROYLE dance and wriggle with joy] THOMAS Hi done! Hi done! Hi done! Hi done! [He lashes the KING S ENGLISH unmer cifully.] THE KING S ENGLISH Help! Help! [He tries to strike back, but cannot.] THOMAS [Swinging his rough tongue with renewed vigor] Ho! Worser, n worser, n worser, n worser! [The polished tongue falls from the trem bling hand of the KING S ENGLISH; he sinks to a knee] THE KING S ENGLISH [Weakly] I I did! THOMAS Hi seen! Hi seen! Hi seen! 151 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE KING S ENGLISH [Falling forward.] I I saw! I I saw! [He straightens out upon his back.] GWENDOLYN Oh, he s murdered ! THE POLICEMAN [Advancing upon THOMAS.] You bought that medicine at the corner. I arrest you! THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Taking down a long tongue from the wall of his Face Shop.] Tongue-tie him! Tongue-tie him! GWENDOLYN Yes, tongue-tie him! Tongue-tie him! [The POLICEMAN and the BEAR seize THOMAS and wind the long tongue about his body.] THE DOCTOR There, little girl, the way is clear. I ll take you to your father. GWENDOLYN To the Land of Lights? THE DOCTOR Yes. 152 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL [The ORGAN-GRINDER shoulders the hand-organ.] GWENDOLYN Oh, but I want you, Puffy, and you, Mister Police man, and you, Mr. Piper. Miss ROYLE [Gliding forward."} And me ? Yes-s-s ! GWENDOLYN No! Miss ROYLE Yes-s-s! [To JANE.] I know another way. JANE Oh, hurry! Hurry! [Miss ROYLE glides out of sight, followed by JANE, dancing.] GWENDOLYN [Bending down to the KING S ENGLISH.] Good-bye, King s English, and thank you. THE KING S ENGLISH [Sitting up] Don t mention it, Miss. It s the hundredth time he s murdered me. [He rises, and limps away into the For est] 153 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN [To the ORGAN-GRINDER.] You ll come, too? THE ORGAN-GRINDER Yes, but wait! Here s something you ll need. [He takes the hypodermic-case from a pocket.] It s the finest thing in the world! Here, little girl, keep this stiff upper lip. GWENDOLYN [Taking the case.] A stiff upper lip ? THE ORGAN-GRINDER Yes, you ll need it on your journey. [He begins to play. The music carries a note of weary wandering. GWENDO LYN holds out a hand to the DOCTOR. He lifts her in both arms and climbs the steep path. The ORGAN-GRINDER fol lows 3 and behind him come the BEAR, the PLUMBER, and the POLICEMAN.] GWENDOLYN Good-bye, old Big Ears! [The Forest darkens. Up through the long grass, in pursuit of GWENDOLYN, glides Miss ROYLE, hissing. } 154 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL JANE [Dancing behind Miss ROYLE.] One, two, three, point! One, two, three, point! [Blackness shuts down over the glade.] SCENE 2: THE LAND OF THE LIGHTS At first, all is rolling gray mist. The music of the ORGAN-GRINDER now sounds far-away, and haunt- ingly mysterious. Then a faint glimmer appears at one side, lighting up the faces of THEY, who steal on. As they speak, they move slowly across the Land, swaying rhythmically. THEY [Each of four speaking in turn.~\ Hush! Hush! Hush! Hush! THE FIFTH Whisper! THEY [As before. } What do you think ? What do you think ? What do you think? What do you think? THE FIFTH Tell me! THEY I hardly know. I hardly know. I hardly know. I hardly know. 155 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE FIFTH I m bothered! THEY Isn t it strange! Isn t it strange! Isn t it strange! Isn t it strange! THE FIFTH Oh, very! THEY How did it happen? How did it happen? How did it happen? How did it happen? THE FIFTH I can t imagine! THEY Do you think she will recover? Do you think she will recover? Do you think she will recover? Do you think she will recover? THE FIFTH Pull through? THEY One never can tell. One never can tell. One never can tell. One never can tell. THE FIFTH Can one? THEY It s a pleasant evening, isn t it? It s a pleasant eve ning, isn t it? It s a pleasant evening, isn t it? It s a pleasant evening, isn t it? 156 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE FIFTH Extremely! THEY Hush! Hush! Hush! Hush! THE FIFTH [Finger to lip.] Silence! [As THEY sway from sight, the music of the ORGAN-GRINDER changes. Its note is no longer mystery, but grief and dan ger. Above it, GWENDOLYN S voice is heard, as she comes to the Land in the wake of THEY.] GWENDOLYN Doctor! THE DOCTOR Yes, little girl, here. [A faint light shines on their faces. The DOCTOR is carrying her.~\ GWENDOLYN I couldn t see you. It s dark. THE DOCTOR Take hold of my hand. There, now, try to rest. GWENDOLYN I ll try. THE DOCTOR Rest rest. The light will grow again. Rest rest. [They disappear into the darkness. The music grows louder, and more lively. 157 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL The glimmer brightens. From near at hand comes the voice of the LITTLE BIKD, calling out like a newsboy.] THE LITTLE BIRD Uxtra! Uxtra! All about the lubble-lubble in Aw Street! Ux-tra! THE KING S ENGLISH [To the LITTLE BIRD.] I sha n t go any fawster! I sha n t! {He limps into sight, carrying a pouter- pigeon on his right fore-arm. The pi geon has a large white lump of salt on its tail. Across its full breast is a streak of black. The KING S ENGLISH halts, pant ing. ] Well, go on, little bird! THE LITTLE BIRD Uxtra! Uxtra! All about the lubble-lubble in Aw Street! Uxtra! Uxtra! THE KING S ENGLISH [Mockingly. ] Uxtra! Uxtra! I m jolly well sick and tired of your precious talk. THE LITTLE BIRD Oh, you are? THE KING S ENGLISH Yes, I am. 158 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE LITTLE BIRD Do you think I like this work? THE KING S ENGLISH Talk ! Talk ! Talk ! And never a rest ! THE LITTLE BIRD It s not my fault, and you know it. They make me talk. THE KING S ENGLISH Night after night! Night after night! THE LITTLE BIRD If you hate it so much, why don t you take the salt off my tail ? THE KING S ENGLISH Take the salt off your tail? [He limps a few steps. ~\ You had no business getting the salt on your tail. THE LITTLE BIRD I was under the window, and They threw it out. THE KING S ENGLISH [Sneeringly.~\ Oh, you judged it was a crumb, I suppose? THE LITTLE BIRD What do you care what I "judged"? The salt lit on my tail, They caught me, and They ve worked me like a dog ever since. 159 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE KING S ENGLISH Oh, go on! Stick to business, and let s get through. [He limps forward again, and stops.] THE LITTLE BIRD [Calling.] Uxtra! Uxtra! All about the lubble-lubble in Aw Street ! Uxtra ! Uxtra ! THE KING S ENGLISH [Impatiently.] Well, which way? THE LITTLE BIRD Why do you ask? You know whom we re working for They. Go on. THE KING S ENGLISH [Grumbling as he starts.] Yes, go on! With my lame leg? THE LITTLE BIRD Uxtra! Uxtra! All about the lubble-lubble in Aw Street! Coo! Coo! Coo! Coo! [They go. The music swells. The light grows. Four dim figures enter. The ORGAN-GRINDER leads, playing as if tired. Behind him come the POLICEMAN, the PLUMBER, and the BEAR, who carries the DOCTOR S bag. The ORGAN-GRINDER stands the hand-organ upright, and stops turning the crank. He mops his fore- 160 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL head. The POLICEMAN passes him, peer ing about with the sharp eye. Suddenly the Land lights up, and a great field can be seen, in which are growing myriads of candles that burn at both ends.] THE PLUMBER My! My! But ain t there a fine crop this year! [There are murmurs of admiration and wonder from the others The BEAR shades his eyes] THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Pointing] That s the way they went. THE PLUMBER Sure! We re wandering the right way. THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Anxiously; to the POLICEMAN.] But I don t see him. THE POLICEMAN [Patrolling] I ll keep this eye out for him. THE BEAR Oh, I m tired! Rar-rar-rar! [He staggers a step or two] THE POPE LITTLE RICH GIRL THE PLUMBER And I m hungry. Here, Copper. [He helps himself to several bread-pills, and tosses one to the POLICEMAN.] Have a bread-pill! [The POLICEMAN catches the pill, and eats it.~\ THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Discouraged.] Not here! Absent! Elsewhere! THE PLUMBER Now, now, Grinder, don t worry about that money gent. THE ORGAN-GRINDER But I promised he d be up here. These are his office hours. He ought to be making his ducks and drakes. [All turn to look back as GWENDOLYN S voice is heard behind them. } GWENDOLYN Oh, Doctor! It s getting brighter! THE PLUMBER Here she comes ! THE DOCTOR Yes, little girl; yes. [He approaches, carrying her. She raises herself in his arms, and very gently he sets her upon her feet. ] THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Oh, the lights! The lights! THE ORGAN-GRINDER This is where the lights go when they re put out at night. GWENDOLYN The candles that burn at both ends! THE DOCTOR [%.] Yes, yes! GWENDOLYN [Turning to the DOCTOR.] Oh, we ve come a long way, haven t we ? [All assent sadly.] THE DOCTOR [To the POLICEMAN.] Her strength s giving out! THE POLICEMAN How much farther can she go? THE DOCTOR [Looking down at her.] I m afraid her little journey s almost done. [There is a murmur of sorrow] GWENDOLYN [Smiling.] You mean he s here? 163 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR [To the POLICEMAN.] Where is her father? [The POLICEMAN answers with a helpless gestured] THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Uneasily. } Yes, where? Oh, dear! Oh, dear! THE BEAR Rar-rar ! GWENDOLYN [Ancciously .] Doctor ! THE DOCTOR There! there! He ll be here soon. [To the POLICEMAN.] Bring him in. [The POLICEMAN goes, holding the shari eye out in front of him. To GWENDOLYN.] Brave little girl, now! GWENDOLYN But I never could ve gotten this far without a stifl upper lip. THE PLUMBER You re all grit, kid! 164 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Pointing*] Oh, look! Look! [FATHER enters. Now lie wears a har ness, the tugs of which are fastened to a large machine that has a hopper and a wide chute. He bends forward labori ously to draw his load. His hands are full of bills. He looks across the field of candles. The POLICEMAN follows him.] THE DOCTOR [To GWENDOLYN.] See, little girl ! Here is your father. GWENDOLYN My my father? THE DOCTOR Yes. [He urges her forward gently. The PLUMBER follows, and observes FATHER S money greedily. ] Speak to him. GWENDOLYN [Clinging to the DOCTOR S hand. ] If if you think I ought to ! THE DOCTOR Call him Father. GWENDOLYN [Timidly. ] Father! 165 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL [To the DOCTOR.] He doesn t look like my father! THE DOCTOR Oh, yes, yesl GWENDOLYN Father! FATHER [Without looking at her. ] My hands are full! My hands are full! GWENDOLYN [To the DOCTOR.] Oh, that can t be my father! See his heavy load! THE DOCTOR We all have our burdens. [He holds up his riding-crop.~\ THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Nodding.] Hand-organ. [The POLICEMAN waves his club. } THE BEAR Bag! THE PLUMBER Pipes 1 [FATHER feeds money into the hopper of the machine.] 166 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR [To GWENDOLYN.] Speak to him again. GWENDOLYN [Timidly. ] Father. Here I am. [She holds out her hands. ] FATHER [Without looking at her.] Busy ! Busy ! I ll have time to see you when you re grown-up. GWENDOLYN Doctor, you just measure me. He thinks I m little. But I m not, am I? [She stands on tip-toe.] THE DOCTOR [Measuring her.] Ninety-six! Ah! [Frightened, he crosses to FATHER.] THE ORGAN-GRINDER [To the BEAR.] Downward! Lower! Sinking! [Both show deep concern.] THE DOCTOR [To FATHER.] Brace up, man! Speak to her! 167 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL FATHER [Feeding the machine. ] I can t bear it ! I can t bear it ! [The quacking of the TEACHERS comes from the wide chute. } THE ORGAN-GRINDER [To GWENDOLYN; explaining. } I make faces; he s making ducks and drakes out of his money. [As FATHER turns the handle of the money-machine.} Look! Look! THE DANCING MASTER [Appearing from the chute, dressed as a drake.] One, two, three, quack! One, two, three, quack! THE FRENCH TEACHER Quack! Quack! Parlez-vous Fran^ais? Quack! Quack! THE GERMAN TEACHER Quack! Quack! Sprechen Sie Deutsch? Quack! Quack! THE Music TEACHER Quack! Quack! Strike that chord ! Quack! Quack! THE TEACHERS [Forming a line; in chorus."} Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! 168 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN [To the ORGAN-GRINDER.] Oh, I don t like them! THE ORGAN-GRINDER Cavil! Criticism! Correction! THE TEACHERS [Angrily.] Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! [As GWENDOLYN crosses toward FA THER, the TEACHERS snap at her vi ciously] THE DANCING MASTEK Up on your toes ! THE FRENCH TEACHER Oh, don t bozzer me! THE GERMAN TEACHER Was fur ein dumpf Kopf ! THE Music TEACHER Mind the metronome! GWENDOLYN [To FATHER.] Oh, see them! See them! Don t make any more! [She turns to fly toward the DOCTOR.] Don t make any more! 169 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE TEACHERS [Angrily.] Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! THE DOCTOE [Comfortingly. } Sh! Sh! [Severely, to the TEACHERS.] There s too much noise in here. THE PLUMBER [To the DOCTOR.] I ll get this bunch out. Go on, you! Now, you waddle out of here ! Shoo ! Git ! [The TEACHERS refuse to obey; each ap peals to FATHER, quacking loudly.] Well, you re a greedy bunch! Git, I say! Git! THE DOCTOR [To the TEACHERS, as they start.] You belong in the barnyard ! THE TEACHERS [To the DOCTOR, very pointedly.] Quack! Quack! Quack! THE PLUMBER Haw! Haw! That s one on you, Doc! THE DOCTOR Their opinion doesn t worry me ! 170 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE PLUMBER [Picking up a stone and throwing it at the TEACHERS.] Go on, you! Waddle out of here. Shoo! Shoo! THE TEACHERS Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! [They go, the PLUMBER pursuing them.] THE DOCTOR Now, little girl. [Again he urges her toward FATHER.] GWENDOLYN [To FATHER.] Why do you work so hard? Don t you ever stop? FATHER Busy! Busy! [He crams bills into the hopper.] GWENDOLYN Oh, Doctor, it s that! [She points to the money machine.] The poor man is harnessed to it ! FATHER [Coming toward her.] She doesn t know me ! She doesn t know me ! THE DOCTOR [To GWENDOLYN.] Ah, yes. Poor father! You don t know him. 171 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN [Turns to FATHER, looks, shakes Tier head and sighs. } Maybe he is, but [She turns away.] THE DOCTOR [To FATHER.] Ah! Something must be done! She mustn t go down another fifth of a degree! FATHER [Offering money. ] Doctor ! Take this ! Take this ! THE DOCTOR What good will all your money do you now? FATHER But you ll help, Doctor ! You ll help ! THE DOCTOR I won t give up hope! THE BEAR Oh, for just one glass of soda-water! THE POLICEMAN Would a bread-pill help? GWENDOLYN [Faintly. ] Oh, I can t hold this any longer! [She sways, dropping the stiff upper lip.] 172 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Picking up the lip.~\ No, no, little girl! Keep it, keep it! Keep the stiff upper lip! [He puts an arm about her, and puts the Up into her hand.] THE DOCTOR Oh, I have a solution! ALL [Eagerly.] A solution? THE DOCTOR A salt solution! THE POLICEMAN A salt solution? THE BEAR A salt solution? THE ORGAN-GRINDER A salt solution? THE DOCTOR A salt solution. It s the last chance ! GWENDOLYN [Feelly.] But but where will you get the salt? 173 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR The salt? Wait! [To the POLICEMAN.] Blow your whistle. [The POLICEMAN puts the whistle against his chest, and there sounds the loud blast of a river steamer. Instantly, from close at hand, comes the call of the LITTLE BIRD.] THE LITTLE BIRD Uxtra! Uxtra! All about the lubble-lubble in Aw Street! ORGAN-GRINDER, BEAR AND POLICEMAN [In chorus. ] The Little Bird! THE LITTLE BIRD Uxtra! Uxtra! Uxtra! Coo! Coo! Coo! THE KING S ENGLISH [Limping into sight. ] Here, sir! [He halts beside the DOCTOR.] GWENDOLYN [Stepping forward.] Oh, how do you do, Little Bird! 174 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE LITTLE BIRD [Sulkily.] Do ? Huh ! I do exactly THE KING S ENGLISH [To the LITTLE BIRD.] Be careful, now ! Mind your manners ! THE LITTLE BIRD Let me answer, will y ? THE KING S ENGLISH Go ahead. THE LITTLE BIRD [To GWENDOLYN.] I have to do as They say! GWENDOLYN [To the KING S ENGLISH.] A pigeon! THE KING S ENGLISH [Sneering.] A pouter-pigeon. THE LITTLE BIRD A carrier, sir ! Carrier ! THE KING S ENGLISH Ya-a-as, and what do you carry? THE ORGAN-GRINDER Talk! Gossip! Scandal! 175 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE KING S ENGLISH Rawther ! THE LITTLE BIRD No, sir ! I carry news ! GWENDOLYN [To the LITTLE BIRD.] But you ve told things against me! THE POLICEMAN [Warning her.~\ Sh! We need that lump of salt. [He points at it. ] THE DOCTOR Little Bird, I think I can help you. THE LITTLE BIRD That s cheerful! THE DOCTOR I want that salt. THE LITTLE BIRD What? THE DOCTOR May I take it? THE LITTLE BIRD All of it? THE DOCTOR Yes, yes, for her! THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE LITTLE BIRD Take it. I d be delighted. [The DOCTOR helps himself to the salt. } Thank goodness, that s gone ! [He shakes his feathers.] Hurrah! Hurrah! We don t have to work for They any more ! Coo ! Coo ! Coo ! Coo ! [The KING S ENGLISH and the LITTLE BIRD make of gaily.] THE DOCTOR [Offering the salt to GWENDOLYN.] Now, little girl, will you take this for me? [GWENDOLYN looks at the salt, then up at the DOCTOR. The POLICEMAN, the BEAR and the ORGAN-GRINDER watch her anx iously. ] Just a taste! [She takes the salt, tastes it, and makes a face, as if the taste is unpleasant.] THE ORGAN-GRINDER Bitter pill! Gall! Wormwood! [Now a change comes over GWENDOLYN. She looks toward FATHER, and seems al most to know him] FATHER Oh, Doctor, if she d only know me again! Just for a moment! 177 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Why why [Goes to him, lifting a puzzled face. He frees himself from the machine, and drops on one knee before her.] FATHER [Tenderly.] Poor little girl! Poor little girl! GWENDOLYN Poor little rich girl ! FATHER Ah! yes! Poor little rich girl! GWENDOLYN I I haven t seen you often, but but I think I know you now. [She holds out her hands to him> and he takes them in his.] FATHER My little daughter! My little daughter! GWENDOLYN Oh, you are! You are my father! You are! [She throws her arms about him, sob- bing.] You are! 178 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL FATHER Oh, Doctor, she knows me! She knows me! [He buries Ms face against her.~\ THE ORGAN-GRINDER Consciousness ! Understanding ! Recognition ! [The ORGAN-GRINDER, the DOCTOR, the BEAR, and the POLICEMAN wipe their eyes.} GWENDOLYN [Drawing away from FATHER gently, and taking his face between her palms.] Oh, father! It s so nice just to be with you! Oh, if I could only see you often! If I could only see you often! THE DOCTOR [Tapping FATHER S shoulder.] A little too much excitement, I m afraid. GWENDOLYN Oh, it s this, father. [She touches the harness.] Your harness ! Must you wear it ? FATHER Ah! The harness! GWENDOLYN Oh, take it off! Oh, yes! [She pulls at the strap.] 179 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL FATHER Yes! Yes! [As he starts to divest himself of the har ness, the BROKER appears and taps him on the shoulder. FATHER looks up, startled. ] THE BROKER I am his Broker. Do you understand? His Broker! FATHER Ah! [His arms fall to his side.] THE BROKER Haven t you forgotten some one? FATHER Forgotten? THE BROKER Her! [He points a mailed hand.] FATHER [To GWENDOLYN.] Ah, yes! I can t take off the harness till your mother GWENDOLYN My mother? FATHER Till your mother gets rid of the Bee. [The BROKER reaches to re-adjust the harness. Then he goes.] 180 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Oh, I want my mother! Where is my mother? [She turns to the ORGAN-GRINDER.] THE ORGAN-GRINDER The place has a road around it, and some hobbies in side. GWENDOLYN Hobbies? THE ORGAN-GRINDER Yes. Madam follows They around Robin Hood s Barn. GWENDOLYN Robin Hood s Barn? THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Embarrassed. ] Exactly. Nice day, isn t it? FATHER How low is she now, Doctor? THE DOCTOR [Measuring GWENDOLYN.] Ah! Ninety-six and two-fifths! GWENDOLYN Oh, I m growing! I m growing! FATHER [Drawing her to him. ] Come! 181 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN ,To Robin Hood s Barn, father? FATHER lYes, dear, to Robin Hood s Barn. [As they go, the ORGAN-GRINDER plays, and the music has a note of hope. ] THE DOCTOR !AJi! We ll ride my hobbies yet! [He follows, mtli the POLICEMAN, the BEAR, and the PLUMBER. The field of candles begins to fadeJ] JANE [Calling from near at hand.~\ Oh, Gwennie ! Oh, I can t go no further ! Oh, wait ! Miss ROYLE Stop your dancing! JANE [Waltzing into sight.] Oh, what a night! Miss ROYLE Stop your dancing. Yes-s-s! JANE I d rather wash dishes! Miss ROYLE Stop your dancing! THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL JANE I d rather scrub floors! Miss ROYLE Stop your dancing! JANE I d rather starve I Miss ROYLE Yes-s-s! Yes-s-s! [They disappear. Again darkness shuts down.] SCENE 3: ROBIN HOOD S BARN The strains of the hand-organ are full of tender long- ing. A faint Ught grows at one side. Into it, walk ing slowly, come GWENDOLYN and her father. GWENDOLYN Father! FATHER Be brave, dear. We ll soon be out of the woods. GWENDOLYN Is Robin Hood s Barn near, father? FATHER Yes, dear, right here! Rest rest rest! [They go. Behind them, a score of trees, ranged in a semi-circle, suddenly show countless fruit-like globes of light. And 183 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL the Barn can be dimly seen a picture- book structure, with a wide double door, and a small, square window that is set high up near the roof. Under the win- dom, among some hollyhocks, is a huge rubbish-can. On the farther side of the door is a hollow log. Long, leafy branches bend down toward the Barn from either side. As the lights grow brighter, THEY appear, coming from be hind the Barn, and move forward, shift ing and swaying.] THEY [Each of four speaking in turn] Well, we ve been around again. Well, we ve been around again. Well, we ve been around again. Well, we ve been around again. THE FIFTH Around the Barn. THE TEACHERS [Calling from among the trees] Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! [THEY stare at one another in astonish ment] THE PLUMBER [Scolding at the TEACHERS.] Hey! Move along! Shoo, there! Waddle, I sayl Come ! Hurry up ! [The TEACHERS appear, driven by the 184 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL PLUMBER, whose hands are full of money.] THEY [Shocked. ] What an unheard-of proceeding! THE PLUMBER Say, go on! Jolly up these swells! THE FRENCH TEACHER [To THEY.] Bon j our ! Quack ! Quack ! [She goes toward the door of the Barn.] THEY [Bowing.] Bon jour! THE GERMAN TEACHER Wie geht es ! Quack ! Quack ! [She follows the FRENCH TEACHER.] THEY Ganz gut! THE Music TEACHER Pleased to meet you. Quack! Quack! THEY How do you do! THE DANCING MASTER One, two, three, quack! One, two, three, quack! 185 THE POPE LITTLE RICH GIRL THEY Your dancing is perfect! [To one another. ] What very nice ducks ! Such a competent and oblig ing staff! THE PLUMBER [Driving the TEACHERS through the Barn door. ] Hey ! Go on ! Go on ! In you go, and I hope the hobbies kick you to pieces ! THEY [Catching sight of the PLUMBER S hands.] Oh, what a lot of money you have! THE PLUMBER [Taking bills out of one pocket and stuff ing them into another. ] Yep ! You bet I have ! THEY Yes, indeed! Quite a fortune! What are your plans? THE PLUMBER [Impudently.] Don t let that worry you. [He goes up to the door of the Barn, sits, and continues to count his money.] 186 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THEY But where is that Bird? This is very curious ! He s never been late before. And now, when there s so much to tell ! [THEY stop suddenly, hearing the voice of the KING S ENGLISH.] THE KING S ENGLISH [Singing.] "Oh, Tommy, Tommy Atkins, you re a good un heart and hand " [He limps on. Seeing THEY, he stops in the middle of a bar, and grins sheepishly. The LITTLE BIRD is fast asleep.] THEY [Horrified.] Can we credit our senses? [The PLUMBER looks up.] THE KING S ENGLISH [To THEY.] I I fancied you wouldn t like it. Haw, haw! But er I m under the painful necessity of telling you that henceforth the Bird [He holds out his right arm.] doesn t have to work for you any more. [The LITTLE BIRD snores.] THEY Asleep? [The KING S ENGLISH nods.] 187 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL Back to your duty, Little Bird! [The LITTLE BIRD snores again.] THE KING S ENGLISH [Coming to THEY and pointing at the LITTLE BIRD S tail.] Please to notice. THEY [Falling back, aghast.] The salt! Gone! THE KING S ENGLISH And now for some much needed slumber. [He goes up to the Barn, seats himself among the hollyhocks, and shuts his eyes.] THEY [Sadly.] Well, I suppose we must go around and tell it our selves. [THEY start away, chanting musically.] Uxtra! Uxtra! All about the lubble-lubble in Aw Street! Uxtra! Uxtra! [As they disappear from sight, the OR GAN-GRINDER and the BEAR enter, and halt in an attitude of listening.] THE ORGAN-GRINDER Sh ! Do you hear it ? [There sounds the loud buzzing of the Bee.] 188 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL, THE BEAR [Nodding.] Rar-rar! [MOTHER appears from around a corner of the Barn, her look fixed steadily on the bonnet she carries.] MOTHER The Bee! The Bee! The social honey-gathering insect ! THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Hurrying to meet her.] Madam! Stop for a moment! THE BEAR [Imploringly] Lady! MOTHER [Scarcely pausing] Not now ! Not now ! I must go around. The Bee ! The Bee! The Bee! [She follows THEY.] THE ORGAN-GRINDER [Sadly] The first to circle it were ladies who used feather dusters on the parlor furniture. [GWENDOLYN, the DOCTOR and FATHER now emerge from the woods. GWENDO LYN is walking] 189 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Oh, Robin Hood s Barn! FATHER [To the DOCTOR.] What strange ideas in this little head! GWENDOLYN [To the ORGAN-GRINDER.] Oh, Mr. Man-Who-Makes-Faces, is my mother here? THE ORGAN-GRINDER By-and-by. Presently. Later on. GWENDOLYN [To FATHER and the DOCTOR.] Oh, my mother isn t here! Miss ROYLE [From among the trees. ,] Yes-s-s! Yes-s-s! Don t worry mother. GWENDOLYN [Frightened.] Oh, that snake has followed us ! THE DOCTOR [To GWENDOLYN.] Same old snake! But we re not afraid of it. [Miss ROYLE glides into sight, simpering and hissing] 190 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL FATHER [Advancing to meet her.] What are you doing here? Miss ROYLE I want my darling Gwennie. Yes-s-s! FATHER Go away! You worry her. [Miss ROYLE turns to leave.] THE DOCTOR Wait I I want to ask one question, Miss Royle. Miss ROYLE Oh, Doctor, it was all Jane s fault! Ask her, sir. She s here. Yes-s-s ! FATHER [Calling.] Jane! [As all turn to look for JANE, Miss ROYLE steals away to the log, and disap pears into it.] JANE [Breathlessly] Oh, laws! Oh! Oh! [She comes waltzing forward weakly] I can t dance another step ! 191 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR [To JANE.] I want to know just how much of that medicine you gave the child. JANE [Whining. ] I didn t give her none! THE DOCTOR [To FATHER.] Oh, if there were only some way to get at the truth! THE LITTLE BIRD Ladies and Gents! ALL Oh, the Little Bird! THE LITTLE BIRD I can tell you all about it. ALL Good! Splendid! Come here! THE LITTLE BIRD [Pecking the KING S ENGLISH on the cheek.} Wake up, English! Wake up! [The KING S ENGLISH rises sleepily, rub bing at his eyes.} 192 THE POPE LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN [Shaking a finger at JANE.] The Little Bird is going to tell on you! THE LITTLE BIRD Ladies and Gents, now that the salt is off my tail, I d like to make a clean breast of it. ALL [Applauding. ] A clean breast of it! THE KING S ENGLISH Charmed, I m sure! [He produces a white handkerchief, with which he wipes the black streak from the LITTLE BIRD S breast.] There! .Your breast is clean, Little Bird! THE LITTLE BIRD Doctor! Here! The child took one teaspoonful THE DOCTOR [Horrified.] A teaspoonful! THE LITTLE BIRD Then Jane made her take another. THE DOCTOR Two! Oh! 193 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL FATHER [Turning upon JANE.] You wretched girl! JANE I never! THE LITTLE BIRD [To JANE.] You hold your tongue ! [JANE thrusts out the tongue of one face and holds it.~\ Doc-tor! Here! It seems Jane was in the habit of givin the little one quietin drops to get her asleep early, and off her hands. JANE That ain t so! THE LITTLE BIRD You hold your other tongue ! [JANE obeys. } Doctor! Doctor! This medicine wasn t the usual kind. So Jane gave her an over-dose. THE DOCTOR Over-dose ! FATHER Oh, how could she do such a terrible thing! THE LITTLE BIRD Because she s empty-headed. W THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Empty-headed ! [JANE makes an inarticulate denial.] THE ORGAN-GRINDER Easy to prove! GWENDOLYN How? THE ORGAN-GRINDER Put a flea in her ear! GWENDOLYN A flea? THE ORGAN-GRINDER [To the BEAR.] Puffy! THE BEAR Glad to oblige you. [He scratches behind an ear.] Rar-rar-rar! [There is a tense wait. Then the BEAR finds one. The ORGAN-GRINDER takes it from him, and crosses quickly to JANE.] THE LITTLE BIRD You ll see! It ll go in one ear, and out the other! JANE [Letting go of both tongues] Say! What re you doin ? [The ORGAN-GRINDER puts the flea into her ear. The DOCTOR watches the other] 195 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR [Excitedly.] Here it comes! [Looking up among the branches.] There it goes ! [With his professional manner] The operation was successful! [There is general rejoicing] FATHER [To JANE.] You shall be punished as you deserve! THE ORGAN-GRINDER Make her dance. She can t last much longer. GWENDOLYN Mr. Piper! JANE Oh, no! No! Don t make me dance! Oh, I can t stand it! Oh! THE POLICEMAN Play a jig, Piper! [The Piper plays] JANE [Dancing weakly] Oh, Piper! Not a jig! Oh! [The DOCTOR and FATHER watch her. The others join in the dancing gaily] 196 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL ALL Ah! Weaker and weaker! JANE Oh, shame on you! Oh! ALL Weaker and weaker! JANE Oh, I m worn out! Oh! Oh! IS he stops, and sways from side to side.] THE ORGAN-GRINDER Give her the last straw! GWENDOLYN Yes! The last straw! [The ORGAN-GRINDER takes a straw from the KING S ENGLISH and places it on JANE S shoulder. The BEAR catches her as she falls.] GWENDOLYN What shall we do with her? THE BEAR I m going to throw her into the rubbish-can. ALL The rubbish-can! [The BEAR throws JANE into the can and puts on the cover.] 197 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Oh, she s gone! She s gone! FATHER [To GWENDOLYN.] She ll never trouble you again. THE DOCTOR [Measuring GWENDOLYN.] Ninety-seven! [The loud buzzing of the Bee again sounds from beyond the log.] FATHER Her mother must know! [He starts away.] GWENDOLYN [To DOCTOR.] Oh, my mother s coming! THE DOCTOR Yes, your mother is here, little girl. [MOTHER comes into sight as before. THEY are walking behind her.] FATHER [To MOTHER.] Dear! Come! [He takes her hand, guiding her to GWENDOLYN.] 198 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL MOTHER Oh, how is she? How is she? FATHER Speak to her. MOTHER [Holding out her hands.] Oh, Gwendolyn, my little daughter ! GWENDOLYN [With outstretched arms.] Mother ! Mother ! Ah ! [As their fingers are about to touch, the Bee buzzes. GWENDOLYN shrinks back.] MOTHER Oh, come to me, dearest! Let me put my arms around you. Come! Come! [She holds out her hands again. The Bee buzzes angrily.] GWENDOLYN I want to come to you, but [She watches the bonnet in fear.] MOTHER Don t be afraid of Mother! You ll break my heart! GWENDOLYN I m not afraid of you. It s ihat ! [She points at the bonnet.] 199 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL MOTHER Doctor! She s afraid of me! Afraid of me! THE DOCTOR [To MOTHER.] It s the Bee she s afraid of. Won t you give it up? [THEY show much concern.] MOTHER It s a good Bee. The very best people like this Bee. THE DOCTOR [To FATHER.] You ask her for the child s sake ! FATHER Ah, Doctor, I ve never felt I could ask my wife to give up that sort of thing. THE DOCTOR [To GWENDOLYN.] Then, little girl, you ask her. GWENDOLYN Oh, mother, how can you like it? MOTHER I like it for your sake. GWENDOLYN For my sake? 200 THE POPE LITTLE RICH GIRL MOTHER You ll understand some day. GWENDOLYN You mean it would help me? MOTHER Oh, yes. A mother with a growing daughter must think of this. [As GWENDOLYN leans down to the bon net, the Bee buzzes angrily.] GWENDOLYN [Shrinking."] But, mother, it hates me ! It hates me ! See how it keeps me away from you! MOTHER But later on, when you re grown up GWENDOLYN When I m grown up! Now I know what terrible things it s done to me! It makes me ride in the motor, and keeps me from going to school with other girls and boys. And it won t let me sit at the grown-up table, or see father every day, or have you sing me to sleep. And oh, that doesn t matter so much, but, mother, it keeps father in harness; and he ll never get rid of the harness till you give up the bee. Oh, mother, give it up if you love me if you love me! [She bursts into sobs.~\ 201 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL MOTHER Oh, my little daughter! My poor little girl! I thought I was doing my best for you. And I was only making you unhappy. Well, I ll put it aside. [She sets the bonnet on the ground. ] THEY [Shocked.] Ah! MOTHER [Turning, and putting out her arms.] Gwendolyn ! GWENDOLYN Mother! Mother! Mother! [They embrace.] MOTHER My dearest! My dearest! [MOTHER and GWENDOLYN murmur to each other tenderly. THEY come for ward swiftly.] THE SECOND SOCIETY WOMAN [To MOTHER.] Madam ! [MOTHER lifts her head and, still holding GWENDOLYN, half turns to look at THEY.] THEY Madam! You re making a great mistake! 202 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL MOTHER [Drawing away from GWENDOLYN.] What? THEY It s wiser to keep the Bee. MOTHER [Drawing farther away.] The Bee! The Bee! [She reaches out a hand to touch the bon net.] GWENDOLYN No ! No ! Oh, don t look at it ! Don t listen ! Oh, mother, don t touch it! [She clings to MOTHER.] THEY Don t make a scene. It s common! MOTHER [To THEY.] She s closed my ears to you, too. I ll never hear you again. THEY But think of her future. She should go into the smartest little set. MOTHER Say what you like, I don t care! I m through with the Bee. It s never brought me any real happiness. 203 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL It s almost cost her life. I give it up! I give it up! I give it up! [She embraces GWENDOLYN.] GWENDOLYN Mother! MOTHER Dearest ! They will never come between you and me again! THEY [Shrugging. ] We re not surprised. Just an ordinary country girl, with absolutely no culture. [Each of four speaking in turn.] Isn t she vulgar! Isn t she vulgar! Isn t she vul gar! Isn t she vulgar! THE FIFTH Horrid! [The PLUMBER advances and stares down at the bonnet.] MOTHER Take it away! THE PLUMBER Take it? [He thrusts both hands into his pockets, brings out large rolls of bills, puts them back, and picks up the bonnet. The mo ment he touches it, he is fascinated, and does not take his eyes from it.] 204, THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL Do I like it? Well, I guess! De Bee! De Bee! De Bee! Now, where s dem Ducks? [He opens the door of the Barn, and the TEACHERS come filing out.] THE FRENCH TEACHER [To the PLUMBER.] Parlez-vous Frai^ais? Quack, quack! THE PLUMBER Learn me dat. THE GERMAN TEACHER Sprechen Sie Deutsch? Quack, quack! THE PLUMBER Yes, learn me Dutch. THE Music TEACHER Quack! And my music? quack! THE PLUMBER Yes, and music. THE DANCING MASTER Quack! One, two, three, quack! One, two, three, quack ! THE PLUMBER Yes, and dancin . [The KING S ENGLISH presses forward.] No, you don t! No, you don t! [He shoves the KING S ENGLISH back] I talk English good enough. Ha, de Bee! De Bee! 205 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THEY [Bowing to him.~\ I congratulate you. I congratulate you. I congrat ulate you. THE PLUMBER Don t mention it. THEY [Each of four speaking in turn. } Come! Come! Come! Come! THE FIFTH Follow! THE PLUMBER De Bee ! De Bee ! De Bee ! [THEY go, accompanied by the PLUMBER and the TEACHERS.] FATHER [To MOTHER.] Well, dear? MOTHER Oh, take that off! [Slipping a strap of the harness from his shoulder.] You ll never wear it again. Not for my sake! [The harness falls to the ground. FA THER and MOTHER embrace, while the BEAR tosses the harness into the rubbish- can.] THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Father! Mother! [She clings to them.] I wish we were home ! MOTHER We ll go home, dearest. THE DOCTOR Yes, home! We ll ride my hobbies home! GWENDOLYN Hobbies? FATHER [To MOTHER.] Come! [The ORGAN-GRINDER strikes up a lively tune, the DOCTOR smugs open the Door of the Barn, and the five hobby horses circle into sight. These resemble the hobbies of the merry-go-round. } THE DOCTOR [To MOTHER.] Yes, come! Come! [To the hobbies.} Fresh Air! Exercise! Plain Food! Good Earth! Warm Sun! MOTHER [To FATHER.] We ll ride them together. [They go up, hand in hand.} 207 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL FATHER Fresh Air ! Good Earth ! THE DOCTOR Come! We ll ride! [GWENDOLYN turns back to bid the OR GAN-GRINDER farewell, and Miss ROYLE comes gliding out of the log. The DOC TOR, the BEAR, FATHER and MOTHER mount the hobbies. ] ALL Whoa, Good Earth! Stop, Fresh Air! Whoa, Warm Sun! Whoa, Exercise! Plain Food! GWENDOLYN Good-bye, Mr. Man- Who-Makes-Faces ! Good-bye ! THE ORGAN-GRINDER Good-bye I You ll hear me again after a while. GWENDOLYN Good-bye! [As she turns to enter the Barn, Miss ROYLE rises, hissing, and blocks the way.~] Miss ROYLE Yes-s-s-s ! [She swings the Barn door to.] GWENDOLYN Oh! Oh! 208 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL MlSS ROYLE Yes-s-s! Don t worry mother! Yes-s-s! GWENDOLYN [Calling up at the window. } Oh, Doctor! The Snake! The Snake! Help me! THE DOCTOR [Looking out of the window.] Reach up! I ll pull you through! GWENDOLYN [Climbing to the top of the rubbish-can.] Oh, can you? THE DOCTOR Yes ! Yes ! I ll pull you through ! Come ! [He reaches across the sill and lifts GWENDOLYN into the Barn. A great shout goes up. The music swells. And out of the rear of the Barn rush the hob bies, each with its rider.] FATHER [Riding first] He pulled her through! MOTHER [Following] He pulled her through ! THE BEAR He pulled her through! 209 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR I ve pulled her through! GWENDOLYN He pulled me through! THE ORGAN-GRINDER Hurrah! Hurrah! He pulled her through! [CURTAIN] ACT III GWENDOLYN S NURSERY The curtain rises on what seems to be Robin Hood s Barn. For there, ranged in a semi-circle, are the trees with the fruit-like globes of light. But now the trees are very small. Among them is a single light that is larger than any one of the tiny globes. It is a night-lamp, burning on a bed-side table. Beside the lamp is a clock. The tree-lights fade and go, leaving only the night- lamp. Then the trees are seen to be the dado on a wall. Next, the outlines of a bed show. The bed has a canopy, and this top of pleated silk very re motely suggests the roof of the Barn. Near the head of the bed is a window; close to its foot is a door. Curtains of cretonne are drawn across both window and door, and the foliage of their pattern is not un like the long leafy branches that bent down to the Barn from either side. Between the bed and the door is a couch. At one end of the couch stands a globe, while scattered about on it, among some pil lows, are several toys: An English soldier in a scar let coat and a busby; a jointed snake; a uniformed man who stands on his head; and four small yellow ducks. Beside the toys is a dictionary; also, the merry-go-round. 211 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL A dressing-table stands near the window. On it are a Doctor s bag, a hypodermic case, and a glass in which is some colorless liquid. Beside the glass is a spoon. Towels are scattered about over the dresser. Three silent figures are waiting in the dim light by the bed. And on the bed is a little figure very still. Suddenly the curtains of the window are drawn aside by the DOCTOR, who is in evening-dress, but has Ms coat off and his sleeves rolled up. The light of early morning floods the room, and shines into the anxious faces of FATHER and MOTHER, who are standing at the foot of the bed, leaning to watch GWENDOLYN. Her face is turned away from the window. Her eyes are shut. A moment, and she moves. With a deep, sobbing breath, MOTHER draws back from the bed. And FATHER puts his arms about her, as if to quiet any outburst. He watches the DOCTOR, who makes a quick movement toward GWENDOLYN, and a warning gesture for silence. Gently, FATHER leads MOTHER farther away. She hides her face against his breast. The DOCTOR listens to GWENDOLYN S breathing, using a stethoscope. He feels her pulse. Then leaves the bed, watching back as he goes. MOTHER S face is still hidden. FATHER S eyes are averted. The DOC TOR comes to them, and touches FATHER S arm. As FATHER and MOTHER turn to him in agonized in quiry, he smiles his good news. MOTHER Oh, my baby! My baby! My little one! My dearest ! THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL FATHER Sh ! Better, dear ; better. [He pats MOTHER S shoulder, facing away from the DOCTOR to hide his tears. The DOCTOR brushes at his own eyes. Then, as FATHER and MOTHER turn to him again, he grasps each by a hand. They thank him silently. He motions them toward the bed. They steal to it, and again lean to look at GWENDOLYN. Across from them bends the DOCTOR. There is a moment s wait. Then GWEN DOLYN sighs. MOTHER and FATHER ex change quick looks, smile and clasp each other by the hand. The DOCTOR nods happily, and takes GWENDOLYN S hand. She opens her eyes, looks past him, then sees FATHER and MOTHER.] THE DOCTOR Well, little girl? [Her glance comes back to him. He raises her slightly by raising the pillow under her head] GWENDOLYN [Smiling faintly.] You pulled me through! MOTHER [Kneeling and burying her face in the covers of the bed] Oh, my baby ! My dearest ! THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL FATHER [Gently to MOTHER.] This won t do, dear. [The DOCTOR feels GWENDOLYN S pulse.] GWENDOLYN [Anxiously. } Mother! [She reaches to touch MOTHER S hair.] Why do you feel bad? THE DOCTOR [Hastily. ] Mother s crying because she s happy. MOTHER [Smiling through her tears.] Oh, so happy, dear! So terribly happy! Just to know I ve got you, my brave little daughter ! FATHER And father never was so happy ! THE DOCTOR We re all pretty happy, eh? Now tell me just how does my small patient feel? GWENDOLYN Well, I I feel hungry. [ALL laugh with relief. MOTHER rises. FATHER rushes to touch a bell.] 214 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR Oh, that s a fine sign ! MOTHER Oh, what would you like, my dearest? Doctor, what can she have? THE DOCTOR Anything simple will do. FATHER Potter will have something ready. THE DOCTOR [Taking out a thermometer. ] Now, until your breakfast gets here GWENDOLYN Oh, you want to measure me ! THE DOCTOR Well, you might call it that. [He puts the thermometer into her mouth.] I m afraid there can t be any more talking for a minute. [GWENDOLYN looks across at the toys on the couch.] FATHER Do you want your toys, dear? [GWENDOLYN nods.] 215 THE POPE LITTLE RICH GIRL Well, here s your soldier man. [GWENDOLYN examines the soldier curi ously. ] MOTHER And here s your policeman. [GWENDOLYN stands the Policeman on his head.} FATHER And here s your ducks, and your snake. [GWENDOLYN seizes the snake and throws it from her. FATHER and the DOCTOR nod at each other, understanding.} MOTHER And here s the new one father got. [She brings the merry-go-round. GWEN DOLYN puts out a finger and sets it to circling.} GWENDOLYN [Forgetting the DOCTOR S orders.} Wobin Hoo s Bar [The thermometer falls to the coverlet. She catches it up and restores it to her mouth.} THE DOCTOR [Shaking a finger.} No talking! [GWENDOLYN begins to look about her, 216 THE POPE LITTLE RICH GIRL searching. The others follow her look. Suddenly the DOCTOR catches sight of the Teddy bear behind a pillow. He gives it to her, and she clasps it to her breast. POTTER enters softly, watching GWENDO LYN anxiously. His face is drawn, his clothes are disheveled, and have not been changed since the previous evening.] POTTER [Whispering to FATHER.] How is she, sir? FATHER Ready for her breakfast, Potter! POTTER Oh! Good morning, Miss Gwennie. [He bows, wiping at his eyes. GWEN DOLYN nods to him, while FATHER gives him an order in a low voice. The DOCTOR comes to read the thermometer. ] THE DOCTOR Urn! Better. [POTTER goes, smiling back at GWENDO LYN happily, and wiping his eyes.~\ MOTHER How high is it now, Doctor? THE DOCTOR Just right. [He hands the thermometer to FATHER, who shows it to MOTHER.] 217 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Do you mean I m taller? THE DOCTOR Well, you re just as high as I want you to be. GWENDOLYN Oh, the sun is up ! MOTHER [Going to draw aside a curtain J[ Do you want to see the sky, dear? GWENDOLYN Father, is it always the same piece of Heaven there through the window? FATHER No, dear. [He turns to the globe.] The earth is turning, like your globe; and every mo ment you see a new square. GWENDOLYN Oh ! It s as blue as the sky at Johnnie Blake s ! THE DOCTOR And now that I ve got a breathing spell, I think I d better see about getting a good nurse. GWENDOLYN [startled.] A nurse? 218 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR Yes. GWENDOLYN Oh, be sure to look at the back of her head! THE DOCTOR We ll examine her very carefully. FATHER [Anxiously, ,] Doctor, do you think the delirium ? THE DOCTOR Don t worry. Things are pretty real to her, that s all. [He starts to go.~\ GWENDOLYN Oh, Doctor! [He stops.] Are you going away? MOTHER Just downstairs, dear. THE DOCTOR [Coming back.] You like this Doctor, don t you? GWENDOLYN Oh, yes! I m never going to be afraid of doctors any more, nor policemen either. 219 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR That s right. [Taking FATHER aside. ] Some of the poison that Jane gave didn t come out of a bottle. FATHER Poison? THE DOCTOR Jane fed her liberally on the worst poison of all fear. [POTTER enters with a tray, on which is a covered silver dish.] Ah! here s breakfast already! [The DOCTOR goes out.] POTTER I was getting this ready for you, Madam. [He carries the tray to GWENDOLYN.] GWENDOLYN [Sniffing.] M m! It smells good! MOTHER [To FATHER.] Isn t it splendid that she has an appetite! FATHER Father feels like going out and running up a flag! GWENDOLYN What have you brought me, Potter, please? 220 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL POTTER Ah, dear. [Uncovering the silver dish. ] It s a little bird. GWENDOLYN [Draws away, staring at the tray.} A little bird! POTTER Piping hot from the broiler. MOTHER Oh, so plump and tender and brown! GWENDOLYN Er what kind of a bird is it? POTTER It might be a plover, or a quail. GWENDOLYN [Taking a fork to poke the bird.} It might be a a talking bird. [FATHER laughs.} MOTHER Oh, no, dear! FATHER Try a bite of it. POTTER Likely as not it s a pigeon. 221 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN [Startled.] A pigeon? [She lays the fork down and pushes the tray away.] Oh, I couldn t eat a pigeon! FATHER [Motioning POTTER away.] Something else, Potter. Something else. POTTER [Going.] Broth, sir? FATHER Yes. POTTER [From the door.] The gentleman who called last evening on business, sir, is downstairs. GWENDOLYN Oh, the broker! FATHER Well, I don t propose to miss this breakfast-party. Gwennie, may I see him up here? GWENDOLYN Why, yes! FATHER Ask him to step up here, Potter. THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL POTTEE Yes, sir. Broth, yes; yes, broth! [He hurries out, beaming."] GWENDOLYN [Reaching for the ducks."] Sprechen Sie Deutsch? Quack, quack! Parlez- vous Frai^ais? Quack, quack! Quack! Don t bother me ! Quack ! quack ! FATHER Those teachers will never bother you any more. I know a little girl who s going to day-school. GWENDOLYN Oh, day-school! FATHER Yes; and if any questions come up at home, I ll an swer them myself. GWENDOLYN Will you, father? FATHER Indeed, I will. GWENDOLYN Then would you please tell me, what is the mean ing of absquatulate? FATHER What, dear? GWENDOLYN Absquatulate. [Scratching his head. To MOTHER.] Dear, absquatulate ? THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL MOTHER I didn t know there was such a word. FATHER Where s your dictionary? [ He goes to the couch. The whistle of a steamer sounds from the river.] GWENDOLYN Oh, mother, there he is! There he is! MOTHER [Looking out.] Who, dear? GWENDOLYN The policeman! Oh, mother! MOTHER That s not a police whistle, dear. GWENDOLYN Oh, it s his whistle, when he blows at the top of his lungs ! [The music of a hand-organ is heard in the distance.] MOTHER Well, I don t see him, but the organ-grinder is there. 224 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Oh, mother, wave to him. Father, he s made you a very happy face. FATHER Yes, dear. [Intent on the dictionary.] A b Ab; A b Ab. [Handing MOTHER the dictionary as POTTER shows in the BROKER.] Dear, there are the Abs. THE BROKER Good morning! FATHER Oh, good morning! [They shake hands.] THE BROKER I m terribly sorry to hear about this. FATHER She s coming on splendidly. THE BROKER Well, that s good. [He looks at his watch.] I m a few minutes late, I m afraid. FATHER Doesn t matter. I m not going down town to-day. 225 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE BROKER What? But that loan! FATHER I m not going to make it. THE BROKER Good heavens, man! You re not in earnest! You can t be ! FATHER Oh, yes, very much in earnest. When those fellows are through with me, there ll be enough left to carry out [He looks at MOTHER.] our new plans. Eh, dear? MOTHER Yes. [The BROKER, appalled, leans on the globe.~\ GWENDOLYN [Frightened."] Father! [FATHER crosses to her.~] My globe ! My globe ! [FATHER returns to take up the globe and bring it to her.~\ THE BROKER But I don t think you fully realize just what this step means to you. THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL FATHER {Going to him.] Let me tell you something: For twelve solid hours we ve been fighting here to shove Death back and back out of this room. Some of us have to face death before we learn what is really precious in life. THE BROKER I I think I understand. Well, good morning! [He bows to MOTHER, who bows in re turn.] FATHER Good morning. [He shakes hands with the BROKER.] GWENDOLYN Good morning. [The BROKER goes out as the DOCTOR enters, reading a prescription pad, and smiling.] FATHER Doctor, that must be a cheerful prescription. THE DOCTOR [Without looking up.] The country is always cheerful. GWENDOLYN Does the Doctor mean Johnnie Blake s? THE DOCTOR I prescribe Johnnie Blake s. 227 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Oh, mother! [POTTER enters with a tray, which holds a steaming bowl. He takes the tray to GWENDOLYN and holds it for her, smiling broadly all the while.} FATHER [To the DOCTOR.] You re giving me full instructions about what I ought to take along for her? THE DOCTOR [Seated, and writing.] Take some gingham dresses, with plenty of extra pieces for patches, and one dull garden hoe. [FATHER laughs.] And a bottle of three and a half per cent tincture of iodine. FATHER [Puzzled. ] Iodine? THE DOCTOR Good for blackberry scratches. [Rising and crossing to GWENDOLYN.] Perhaps you d like to listen to this prescription, young lady? GWENDOLYN I I hope it won t taste bad? 228 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR Absolutely tasteless, and IVe arranged for a differ ent kind every week. Shall we hear it? All right. [Reads.] First week: Take every day one hour quiet driving in the sun, also one hour out-door napping. Mix both well with listening to bird songs. GWENDOLYN Why, that isn t medicine! THE DOCTOR Oh, yes, it is the very best kind of medicine ! I in sist that it be administered regularly. Second week: One hour every day gathering flowers, one hour rid ing fat pony MOTHER [Laughing.] Fat pony! THE DOCTOR Add to these, sitting on grassy bank while you fish. GWENDOLYN Oh! THE DOCTOR Third week: One hour chasing butterflies, assisted by one large, good-natured, ordinary, long-haired dog. GWENDOLYN Rover! 229 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR Exactly. Also one hour making mud-pies. GWENDOLYN Oh, I love mud! THE DOCTOR Then double the dose ! Alternate with climbing hills, hat down back on string. For lung development let me see! We ll have some torn-boy yelling twice a day; also a judicious amount of going barefoot. GWENDOLYN Oh, barefoot! MOTHER Mother went barefoot when she was a little girl. GWENDOLYN [To the DOCTOR.] And, oh, may I scuff in the dirt? THE DOCTOR Dear me ! I prescribe scuffing, and also suggest that you wade the creek. MOTHER Oh! When can we go, Doctor? THE DOCTOR The sooner, the better. GWENDOLYN [Eagerly. } Oh, mother! This afternoon? [ALL laugh, ,] THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL THE DOCTOR I d like to see you again this afternoon, and a couple of times to-morrow. MOTHER Just as soon as my precious little daughter is strong enough. [GWENDOLYN falls to eating. The DOC TOR takes up his bag, preparing to go.] THE DOCTOR [To MOTHER.] Good-bye. MOTHER [Holding out her hand.] Doctor, you brought her into the world, and now you ve kept her here! THE DOCTOR We fought for her together. MOTHER [Brokenly.] She was nearly lost through me! FATHER Nonsense ! MOTHER Ah, I know! As I listened all night to those wild little cries, those queer, queer things she called my baby! I saw myself as the kind of mother I am. I 231 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL trusted her life to strangers. Why, I scarcely knew Jane s last name. FATHER I m going to share the blame. I never even took a good, square look at Jane. GWENDOLYN Doctor? THE DOCTOR Yes, dear? GWENDOLYN What is a square look? THE DOCTOR A square look? Well er [He bows to FATHER.] FATHER Well, it isn t really square like the top of a table. GWENDOLYN Oh! FATHER It s the sort of a look that a good father gives the people he hires to take care of his small daughter. GWENDOLYN Ah! THE DOCTOR Good-bye, little girl. THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Good-bye. And, oh, thank you for letting me ride a hobby. THE DOCTOR I ll have you riding all my hobbies yet. [FATHER conducts the DOCTOR to the door. } MOTHER [As POTTER is about to go.] Potter, you know what we ll need in the country. I ll leave all that to you. POTTER Very well, Madam. [He bows and crosses the room. } GWENDOLYN Oh, mother, may I take Puffy? MOTHER Of course. FATHER And, Potter, [POTTER halts.] we ll take the dictionary! MOTHER And after this, put a chair for Miss Gwendolyn at our table. THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL GWENDOLYN Oh, mother! [POTTER goes. ] Oh, mother, I m so glad you ve gotten rid of that that Bee!! [MOTHER looks down, embarrassed.] FATHER Little daughter, GWENDOLYN Yes, father? FATHER We shan t speak of that bee any more, shall we? [MOTHER goes to him. He kisses her.] We re going to be happy, the three of us, and what ever stands in the way of that will have to get out of the way! GWENDOLYN Oh, it s so nice to have you both in the nursery with me, and not in a hurry to go ! Oh, I was tired of pre tending it. MOTHER Pretending! FATHER Mother and I are tired of pretending, too. Aren t we, dear? MOTHER [Kneeling beside the bed.] Oh, darling, mother never guessed how lonely your poor little heart was. But, oh! I never forgot you 234 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL believe that, dearest. I loved you all the time. And I ll never leave you again. Never! Never! Only forgive mother, and she ll make it all up to you, my baby! All the little heartaches all of them! All of them! I ll make them up. I will! I will! GWENDOLYN Don t cry! Oh, mother, don t cry! Father, tell mother not to cry, or I ll cry, too! FATHER [To MOTHER.] Now! Now! This isn t good for her. MOTHER [Smiling through her tears.] I know. I won t cry any more. FATHER Now, I know a certain little girl who must have some sleep. GWENDOLYN Me? FATHER Yes, you. [He draws the curtains across the win dow. The room darkens. ~\ MOTHER Try, darling! And, oh, have happy dreams! GWENDOLYN Will you sing to me, mother, on this side? 235 THE POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL MOTHER ( Yes, dearest. Mother will sing to you. GWENDOLYN Oh, father, mother, the Dearest Pretend has come true! [FATHER leans to arrange her pillows. ~\ MOTHER [Sings.] "Sweet and low Sweet and low Wind of the Western sea " [As the orchestra takes up the melody, the back of the nursery becomes trans parent. Through it, across the bed where a little form lies sleeping, watched on either side by a quiet figure can be seen a grassy, wooded slope, and FATHER with a fishing pole; MOTHER in a simple out door dress; POTTER, carrying a hamper; JOHNNIE BLAKE, a bare-legged boy, wearing overalls and a torn hat; and GWENDOLYN, at her side, ROVER.] [CURTAIN] 936 "WE ARE SEVEN" [THE PLAY THAT WOMEN LOVE] BY ELEANOR GATES Author of " The Poor Little Rich Girl/ " Swat the Fly! " etc. Peter! Diantha! William! Thomas! Phoebe! Frederick! Hope! " Seven ! " gasped Doctor Fanny. " You reckless woman ! " But Diantha didn t agree. (She was twenty, just out of col lege, and possessed an unfair amount of good looks.) Never mind the high cost of living. Seven wasn t too many. And she not only had them named, but all their professions were picked out for them and a lot of their clothes were made! Seven little shadows around the house ! " And, oh," wailed Auntie, " she isn t even engaged ! " (Poor Auntie! No wonder she consulted a lawyer. And no wonder Col. Avery advised marriage.) But what lawyer could cope with that d and d idea? Or with a nephew with too much imagination and a " poker face " Well, it was all bound to end where it did. Oh, oh, what a girl! WHAT THE CRITICS SAID ABOUT IT: " A brilliant and whimsical farce." Drama League, New York. " Admittedly contains more laughs than anything seen on the boards this season." Wesley Hamer, New York American. " Many of the lines would grace the best work of Shaw or Wilde." Drama League, Philadelphia. " WE ARE SEVEN wins by its wit and originality. It is a novelty and a treat." Acton Davies, New York Evening Sun. " WE ARE SEVEN was a good farce all the time clever and amusing and made us laugh tinklingly and riiigingly." Alan Dale, New York American. " There are so few writers of good farce, and in particular so few writers of polite farce, that it is a pleasure to call attention again to Eleanor Gates." Burns Mantle, New York Mail. " It is a farce taken right out of the air that people who read newspapers and magazines are at the moment breathing, written with cleverness and the breeziest humor, yet with warm human feeling and complete good taste." Arthur Ruhl, New York Tribune. Three color jacket by Everett Shinn Cloth, 12 mo. Net, 75 Cents. THE ARROW PUBLISHING COMPANY 450 RIVERSIDE DRIVE, NEW YORK "SWAT THE FLY!" BY ELEANOR GATES Author of " The Poor Little Rich Girl/ " We Are Seven," etc. THE ungrateful little villain ! What was it the Dog said about him, there in the dusk of the Garden? " It s only because you re so little that you ve lived so long ! " True ! " As true," said the Monkey, " as there s milk in cocoanuts ! " You wouldn t let a rattlesnake come into your house. You wouldn t entertain a tiger. Yet this Fly has warmed himself at your fire, eaten at your table, slept under your roof. And all the while he was plotting with his relatives to kill you ! Now he s shown up ! in this one-act play, whimsical, tragic and fantastic. Read what he has to say for himself ! " In Swat the Fly! , the ill deeds of that beast are depicted as dramatically as were the animals in Miss Gates s play The Poor Little Rich Girl. 9 It is to be recommended particularly to anti-vivisectionists, but it is so entertaining that all types of humans could profitably either see or hear it." Norman Hapgood in Harper s Weekly. " Swat the Fly!* by Eleanor Gates should be read by every body. The medical profession will undoubtedly be enthusiastic about it, for it aims to make the same points that the doctors are making. It should be on every waiting-room table, and in every library." Dr. William J. Robinson, editor, Critic and Guide. " I think it is one of the most effective pleas in behalf of the only known method of progress, in scientific medicine, that I have ever seen." Dr. Woods Hutchinson, president-elect, American Academy of Medicine. " Dear Miss Gates : I wish I had been able to produce Swat the Fly! before I left the Princess Theatre. I am very glad it is to be published, and I hope it will be read by everyone." Holbrook Blinn. Three color jacket by Everett Shinn Cloth, 12 mo., Net, 25 Cents. THE ARROW PUBLISHING COMPANY 450 RIVERSIDE DRIVE NEW YORK UNIVERSITY QE GALLEON RETURN CIRCULATION DEPAfi TO*- 202 Main Library FT A T T-PT> A T>-CT tTMENT LOAN PERIOD 1 HOME USE 2 3 4 5 6 ALL BOOKS MAY BE RECALLED AFTER 7 DAYS 1 -month loans may be renewed by calling 642-3405 6-month loans may be recharged by bringing books to Circulation Desk Renewals and recharges may be made 4 days prior to due date DUE AS STAMPED BELOW CFIt MAY 2 8 1991 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, BERKELEY FORM NO. DD6, 60m, 12/80 BERKELEY, CA 94720 $ c /<n> " " *iL j YC 34215G UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY