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Digitized by the Internet Archive 
 
 in 2007 with funding from 
 
 IVIicrosoft Corporation 
 
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THE FERRET 
 
 A BOOK ON EDUCATION. FREE FROM 
 
 POLITICS. CHRISTIANITY, OTHER 
 
 RELIGIONS OR BIASED 
 
 OPINIONS 
 
 BY 
 H. L. DODGE 
 
 Author of 
 
 'The Blonde Eskimo" 
 
 "Kaiser Nicotine" 
 
 Etc. 
 
4 
 
 Copyright 1920 
 
 By H. L. Dodge 
 
 Long Beach, California 
 
 U. S. A. 
 
TABLE OF CONTENTS 
 
 Page 
 
 Introduction 9 
 
 Men Who Think Advance the World 10 
 
 Misinformation 11 
 
 Americans Do Not Speak English 11 
 
 Paragraph in Strict English 12 
 
 Quotation from Chaucer 13 
 
 Free Translation of Same 14 
 
 Definitions of American Words 14 
 
 Pitfalls in Spelling 15 
 
 Emerson the Weaver of Words 16 
 
 Erroneous Pronunciation 17 
 
 Significance of Words 19 
 
 Drawing Contracts 19 
 
 Information from Authentic Sources 20 
 
 Benjamin Franklin's Views on Education 20 
 
 Niceties of Correct Accent 21 
 
 Science of Speech 22 
 
 Choice and Contrast of Words 25 
 
 Words Adopted from Other Languages 27 
 
 Newspaper Education 27 
 
 Boogy-boo Headlines 28 
 
 Great American Educator 28 
 
 Small Beginnings 29 
 
 One of the First Public Schools in America 30 
 
 First College in United States 30 
 
 Art of Printing 31 
 
 First Newspaper in United States 32 
 
 First Railroad in America „ 33 
 
 First Bicycle in America 33 
 
 Polyandry 34 
 
 Most Ancient Inhabited City in the World.... 34 
 
 King Solomon Was Not a White Man 34 
 
 Family Intermarriages Destroys Nations 35 
 
 City of London Is Not a Mile Square 35 
 
 The "Union Jack" Is Not the Flag of England 37 
 
 Power of the Sultan 37 
 
 Customs in Harems 38 
 
 Solomon Out-Solomoned 39 
 
 Two Modern Nations Are Without Constitutions — Japan 
 
 and England 39 
 
 Styles and Titles of Monarchs 40 
 
 American Gallantry Rewarded with Feudalism Titles 41 
 
 American Titles 42 
 
 Correct Names of Royalty 42 
 
 Napoleon Was Not His Name 44 
 
 Christopher Columbus Was Not His Name 45 
 
 There Is No Chinese Nation 45 
 
 Languages of "China" 46 
 
 England, Ireland, Scotland and Australia Are Misnamed 47 
 
 42025 
 
TABLE OF CONTENTS (ContJnaed) 
 
 Page 
 
 There Is No Russia 47 
 
 There Is No Such Place as Germany 47 
 
 A So-Called Dutchman Is Not a German 48 
 
 Popes of Rome 48 
 
 Laird of Skibo 49 
 
 Carnegie Was Not the Originator of Free Public Libraries... 49 
 
 The Christian Calendar in Common Use Is Not Correct 50 
 
 There Is No Such Place as Klondike 51 
 
 Eskimo Religion 52 
 
 Religion of Mohammed — Was Mohammed the Founder? 53 
 
 Jews Did Not Crucify Jesus 55 
 
 Buddha Was Not an Idol 55 
 
 Mormon Is Not a Religion 56 
 
 Brigham Young Was the Greatest Colonizer 56 
 
 Days of Weeks and Months Have Pagan Names 57 
 
 Illegal Marriages 57 
 
 Dr. Osier Did Not Make the Statement that Men Should Be 
 
 Chloroformed at the Age of Sixty 57 
 
 Anthony Trollope 59 
 
 The Apocrypha 60 
 
 Meaning of the Word Orthodox 61 
 
 Meaning of the Word Bible 61 
 
 A Martyr 62 
 
 King James* Version of the Holy Bible Is Not Complete 62 
 
 Varying Meanings of the Word Catholic 62 
 
 Religion and Christianity Are Not Always the Same 62 
 
 The Word Democracy Does Not Mean Freedom 63 
 
 Candidate Does Not Mean Politician 63 
 
 Lawbreakers 63 
 
 Law Does Not Excuse Ignorance — There Is No Such Code 63 
 
 Errors in Dictionaries 64 
 
 It Was Not a Whale That Swallowed Jonah 64 
 
 Compass Does Not Point North 64 
 
 Native Red Men of United States Are Not Indians 64 
 
 Sitting Bull Was Not an Indian Chief 65 
 
 Stefansson Is Not the Real Discoverer of the Blonde Eskimo.... 65 
 
 Ingersoll Was Not an Infidel 65 
 
 Christopher Columbus Did Not Discover America 66 
 
 Howe Did Not Invent a Sewing Machine 66 
 
 Superstitions in Regard to Weather 67 
 
 Sensational Hold-up Fallacies 67 
 
 There Are No Mogul Engines In Practical Use 68 
 
 Chiffonier Is Not Necessarily an Article of Furniture 69 
 
 Hogshead Is Not a Large Barrel 69 
 
 Lead Pencils Are Not Lead Pencils 70 
 
 Diamonds Are Not Indestructible 70 
 
 Steam Is Not Steam 71 
 
 Cinderella's Slippers 71 
 
 Car of Juggernaut 71 
 
 Snakes In Ireland 72 
 
TABLE OF CONTENTS (Continued) 
 
 Page 
 
 The Heart Is Not on the Left Side 73 
 
 We Do Weigh More After Eating 73 
 
 A Woman Does Not Have More Ribs Than a Man 74 
 
 A Person Is Taller in the Morning 74 
 
 Result of Bathing When Warm 74 
 
 Truth About Falling 75 
 
 Cats Do Not Suck Babies' Breath 75 
 
 Teeth Do Not Bleed : 76 
 
 There Is No Death Agony 76 
 
 Animals' Teeth Are Not Poisonous 76 
 
 Quinine Is an Antidote for Whiskey 76 
 
 Fish Is Not a Brain Food 76 
 
 Dried Codfish Is Not Codfish 77 
 
 Salt Is Not Salt at All 77 
 
 Pepsin Is Not a Flavor 77 
 
 Ham Is Not Ham at All 78 
 
 Sweet Oil Is Not Sweet Oil 78 
 
 There Are No Sweet Potatoes 78 
 
 Irish Potatoes Are Not Irish Potatoes 78 
 
 Opium Is Not a Product of China 79 
 
 Opium Does Not Produce Sleep 80 
 
 Knighted Beef 82 
 
 About the Word and Place Hell 82 
 
 Popular Beliefs 83 
 
 What Are Fallacies 84 
 
 Odd Facts Gleaned from Many Sources 84 
 
 Popular Historical Incidents That Never Happened 87 
 
 Popular Quotations Falsely Attributed to the Holy Bible 87 
 
 The Holy Black Bottle 88 
 
THE FERRET 
 
 INTRODUCTION 
 
 This book bears the title of "Ferret." The meaning 
 of the word is — well, look it up. It may get you into 
 the habit of research, which is the foundation of a 
 good education. 
 
 You may find many a teacher or critic who will 
 attempt to explain the articles appearing in this book 
 according to their theory and belief (superstition), 
 which may be in contradiction to what is here, but 
 unless they can furnish you authentic facts without 
 political or religious partiality they are trying to keep 
 honest thought from being expressed, and are an ob- 
 struction and hindrance to civilization and education. 
 
 You may wonder at some of the statements which 
 this book contains, but not having received a public 
 school education, my knowledge has been obtained 
 through investigation, inquiry and research. Books 
 of authority have been my counsel, and not opinions, 
 pretensions or mistranslations; therefore, I find thou- 
 sands of things in the common education that are not 
 real. 
 
 So in this work, I am leaving many missing links 
 for you to connect. It is possible through research 
 for you to do this, and perhaps in so doing you may 
 obtain much knowledge which has never been taught 
 to you, either in school or out. 
 
 Who is so satisfied with his own knowledge that to 
 him it is a waste of time to search further for wis- 
 dom? 
 
 Our aim is to draw your attention to just a few 
 of the thousands of mistakes permitted in the public 
 schools, which are taught our coming generations 
 
10 ..... THE FERRET 
 
 through ignorant newspaper reporters and by care- 
 less parents. As the first example of mistakes of this 
 kind, we will ask you to notice the title page of the 
 dictionary. Seventy-five per cent, of the public say 
 "Daniel Webster's Dictionary." This renowned man 
 never wrote a dictionary, nor had anything to do 
 with compiling one. History tells us that he was a 
 statesman and an orator; the dictionary states that 
 the author of the book was Noah Webster, the man 
 who laid the foundation for the American language, 
 which is the most powerful and universal language 
 of the earth — not English, but American, for there 
 are only twenty-five per cent, of American words that 
 owe their origin to the Anglo-Saxon. Inasmuch as 
 Noah was a less prominent man than Daniel, the 
 latter is often given credit for writing the dictionary 
 by those who never investigate, but take for granted 
 what they are told. Although it is often quoted, 
 "Where ignorance is bliss 'tis folly to be wise" ; better 
 say, only the wise seek wisdom. For that reason 
 please do not take for granted anything in this book. 
 Unless you know it to be a fact, take the pains to 
 look it up. It can be found in various books of knowl- 
 edge, for belief is superstition and knowledge is a 
 fact ; what you know you know, and what you believe 
 you only think you know. So woe unto the man who 
 attempts to teach what he thinks to a man who knows 
 better. 
 
 MEN WHO THINK ADVANCE THE WORLD 
 As you read this book, study, research and think, 
 
 for men who think advance the world, but men who 
 
 do not think follow the crowd. 
 This book is furnished you incomplete. If it is 
 
THE FERRET 11 
 
 your pleasure, complete it, but in so doing do not 
 accept theories, opinions, beliefs, superstition, or ex- 
 planation from ignorance garbed with authority. 
 
 MISINFORMATION 
 It appears that when the public once becomes pos- 
 sessed of a bit of misinformation it clings thereto 
 with curious persistency, no matter upon what good 
 authority the mistake may be pointed out. If we 
 institute an inquiry along any particular line we very 
 soon discover that our authorities are uprooting and 
 utterly doing to death some of our fondest little be- 
 liefs. We find not only that we have believed de- 
 cidedly in the wrong, through misinformation, or lack 
 of information, but that we have been positively and 
 often assertively wrong, having taken our firm stand 
 on what later develops to be absolutely misinforma- 
 tion. This holds true with reference to things ani- 
 mate and inanimate, past and present. 
 
 AMERICANS DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH 
 One of the strangest things of today is our per- 
 sistence in applying the names of the classical past 
 to the whims and fancies of our own times. Take, 
 for instance, the language in which we Americans 
 clothe our daily thought. Isn't it commonly supposed 
 that we speak the English language — the language of 
 the inhabitants of Great Britain, which was brought 
 into Britannia by the Angles and Saxons, two of the 
 Teutonic tribes which early invaded that island and 
 from which the names England and English are de- 
 rived? Isn't it commonly understood that an Amer- 
 ican of the State of California could engage in con- 
 versation with an Englishman of the British County 
 
12 THE FERRET 
 
 of Kent? However, it is a fact that, first, neither 
 our conversational nor our written language bears 
 the slightest resemblance to the English language as 
 spoken, even in the Mid- Victorian era. Second, our 
 American language — for it is almost distinctly Amer- 
 ican — being an admixture of our own unexcelled slang 
 and the jargon of immigrants representing every 
 tribe and nation of mankind, is practically quite un- 
 intelligible today to the native of Kent. Therefore, 
 it will be seen that we Americans do not speak Eng- 
 lish, even while the writer must admit that, we use, 
 perhaps, twenty-five per cent, of English words, so 
 why call our language English ? Why not give Amer- 
 ica credit for what rightfully belongs to her? 
 
 In proof, consider the following portion of a page 
 in strict English, from the gospel of St. Mark, as it 
 appeared in earlier English, before the inhabitants 
 of Great Britain had learned to speak the language 
 we now use: 
 
 "THAET GOSPEL 
 AEFTER MARCUS GERECEDNYSSE. 
 
 1. Her ye Godspellye angyn Haelendes Cristes, 
 Godes Suna; ewa awriten ys on thaes witegan bee 
 Isaian, Nu ic asende minne engel beforan thine 
 aneyne, se gegearwath thinne weg beforan the. Cly- 
 piende stefn on tham westene, Gegearwiath Dryhtnes 
 weg, doth rihte his sithas. Johannes waes on westene, 
 fuUigende, and bodiende daed-bote fulwiht, on synna 
 forgyfenesee. And to hym ferde eall ludeics rice, 
 and ealle Hierosolima-ware, and waeron fram hym 
 gefullode on lordanes flode, hyra synna anddettende. 
 And Ichannes waes gescryd mid oluendes haerum, and 
 fellen gyrdel waes ymbe hys lendenu, and gaerstapan 
 and wudu-hunig he aet; and he bodode, and cwaeth; 
 
THE FERRET 13 
 
 Strengra cymth aefter me, thaes ne eom in wyrthe 
 thaet ic hys sceona thwanga bugende uncnytte. Ic 
 fullige eow on waetere; he eow fuUath on Halgum 
 Gaste. And on than dagum com se Haslend fram 
 Nazareth Galilee, and waes gefullod on lordane fram 
 lohanne. And sona of tham waetere, he geseah opene 
 heofenas, and Haligne Gast swa culfran astigende, 
 and on hym wunigende; and tha waes stefn of heo- 
 fenum geworden;" 
 
 Then why say we speak English? 
 Even the language of Chaucer, the father of Eng- 
 lish poetry, must be translated into the American 
 language before it becomes intelligible to the students 
 in our educational institutions. Following is an ex- 
 tract from Chaucer's "Prologues to the Canterbury 
 Tales" : 
 
 "Here Beginneth the Book of the Tales of Caunter- 
 bury: 
 
 WHAN that Aprille with his shoures sote 
 The droghte of Marche hath perced to the rote. 
 And bathed every veyne in swich licour, 
 Of which vertu engendred is the flour; 
 Whan Zephirus eek with his swete breeth 
 Inspired hath in every holt and heeth 
 The tendre croppes, and the yonge sonne 
 Hath in the Ram his halfe cours y-ronne. 
 And smale fowles maken meloyde, 
 That slepen al the night with open ye, 
 (So priketh hem nature in hir corages) : 
 Than longen folk to goon on pilgrimages 
 (And palmers for to seken straunge Strondes) 
 To feme halwes, couthe in sondry londes; 
 And specially, from every shires ende 
 Of Engelond, to Caunterbury they wende. 
 
14 THE FERREt 
 
 The holy blisf ul martir for to seke, 
 That hem hath holpen, whan that they were seke." 
 Below is a free translation into American of this 
 prologue : 
 
 CHAUCER'S CANTERBURY PILGRIMS 
 
 Retold by Katharine Lee Bates 
 
 THE TABARD INN AND THE PILGRIMS 
 
 When the sweet showers from skies of April blue 
 
 The drought of March have pierced through and 
 
 through 
 And bathed each vein in sap whose silent power 
 Quickens the bud and nourishes the flower. 
 When the soft west wind with his fragrant breath 
 Awakened hath in every wood and heath 
 The tender shoots and when the blithe young sun 
 His summer course through heaven hath well begun, 
 And little birds scarce wait till night is gone 
 To hail with melody the springing dawn, — 
 For so the joy of nature pricks the heart, — 
 Then people long from houses to depart 
 And go a- journeying for love of God 
 To far-off shrines whose fame is noised abroad, 
 And specially from every county's end 
 Of England men to Canterbury wend 
 The holy blissful Martyr to adore 
 Whose help has healed them of the ills they bore. 
 
 DEFINITIONS OF AMERICAN WORDS 
 Definitions of even the most common American 
 words will be found to be replete with interesting 
 and often most surprising information. Many a man 
 who has decided to study the derivation and mean- 
 ing of words has found that he was really providing 
 himself with a new source of recreation and pleasure. 
 
THE FERRET 15 
 
 that opened endless vistas of divertisement, no less 
 than boundless fields of knowledge. What he set 
 himself as a task became presently an alluring avoca- 
 tion. 
 
 The wisdom of the old Greek who declared "there 
 is no royal road to learning" has often been ap- 
 plauded, but this famous aphorism may be challenged 
 by the man who has acquired the habit of turning 
 habitually to his books of learning for his education, 
 rather than depending upon receiving his information 
 by word of mouth — for this source more than half 
 the time is not dependable. After all, authority on 
 education is vested in books of learning, not in one's 
 grandmother, or friend, or newspapers. 
 
 PITFALLS IN SPELLING 
 Largely because of its conglomerate origin, Amer- 
 ican is the language which of all others seems to 
 have neither rhyme nor reason in the spelling and 
 the pronunciation of its words. Who attempts to 
 write an ordinary letter without coming upon familiar 
 words, the spelling of which makes one pause? Does 
 the "e" come before the "i" or after it in "receive"? 
 And what of grieve, deceive, achieve, conceive, and 
 believe; and why not "heive" for heave, or "lieve" 
 for leave ? Are there two "m's" or only one in recom- 
 mend? And how many "s's" in assassinated? And 
 so of hundreds of other familiar words. How many 
 words can you find with "q" and not "u" immediately 
 afterwards? Can you tell? And if these two letters 
 must be together why not make one letter of it? 
 
 Consider, too — the endless pitfalls in the number- 
 Jess groups of words having the same sound but dif- 
 ferent spellings and meanings, — such groups, for ex- 
 
16 THE FERRET 
 
 ample, as peak, peek, pique; and pear, pare and pair; 
 fair, and fare (with four distinct meanings) ; peer, 
 and pier ; rain, rein, reign, and rhein ; take the follow- 
 ing sentence: "Mr. Wryght the wheelwright did not 
 write the church rite right." One knows the spelling, 
 of course, but when the brain is just a little fagged, 
 it is not always easy to remember. Everyone knows 
 that good spelling is necessary in commercial work. 
 Then why not learn to spell in school? 
 
 There are a great many words that end in "able" 
 or "ible." "Inequitable" is one example, "convertible" 
 is another. Only a stenographer with a natural gift 
 for orthography can be sure when to use an "a," or 
 when "i" is correct. No matter how good a training 
 one receives in school, unless one is taught correct 
 spelling of the American language he is of but little 
 practical use as a stenographer. 
 
 EMERSON, THE WEAVER OF WORDS 
 Ralph Waldo Emerson, one of our great American 
 poets, was a wonderful weaver — he wove new and 
 rich words into sentences, sentences brilliant and 
 polished and full of the wisdom for w^hich he was so 
 famous! And these sentences he gathered and treas- 
 ured up until he wove them into his essays and his 
 lectures. He had a relish for strange words and like 
 many great writers he made up many new words or 
 revived ancient ones to fill his needs of expression. 
 He did not hesitate to say "analogize" and "gigantize" 
 and "anthropometer" ; and words like "plenipotence," 
 "pudency," "recentness" and "otherest" are a few 
 words which contributed to make his diction, as 
 Lowell said, "rich and homely, like homespun cloth- 
 of-gold." 
 
THE FERRET 17 
 
 Yet he was an American, and helped to make the 
 American language. 
 
 ERRONEOUS PRONUNCIATION 
 
 Read the following paragraph aloud: 
 
 Fortunately one does not need to pronounce words 
 while one writes them, nor even in ordinary reading. 
 But did you ever find yourself suddenly called upon 
 to read aloud before some critically inclined person? 
 The article may be ever so simple, yet there are pit- 
 falls lurking in the commonest words. You cast a 
 rapid eye ahead and immediately strike a few rocks. 
 No time to decide which pronunciation to choose — 
 so you plunge in, accenting address, adult, alternate, 
 condolence, comparable, grimace, testator, adept and 
 acclimate, on the first syllable, when your critical 
 American listener knows that you should stress the 
 second; accenting the second syllable of construe, 
 lamentable, harass, hospitals and decade, when the 
 correct pronunciation of every one of them, as you 
 learn from the dictionary, calls for the accent on the 
 first syllable. These are things that you do not learn 
 in school without special request or as an advanced 
 scholar. 
 
 How many did you pronounce correctly? 
 
 It is not a pleasant experience, for uncertainty is 
 never a comfortable feeling. And if your choice of 
 pronunciation is challenged, and you can only say 
 you*re not sure just how the word should be spoken, 
 do you not fall a little in your own esteem — do you 
 not feel that you failed to meet a situation? You 
 may be ever so well-read, familiar with a large num- 
 ber of words, but if when you speak you cannot pro- 
 nounce such words as those cited above with any 
 
18 THE FERRET 
 
 degree of certainty, who can credit your background 
 of knowledge? 
 
 Correct pronunciation is not only a matter of ac- 
 centing the right syllables — it includes the distinct 
 enunciation of all letters. Richard Grant White said: 
 "It is in the delicate but firm utterance of the un- 
 accented vowels with correct sounds that the cultured 
 person is most surely distinguished from the uncul- 
 tured." 
 
 You may be acquainted with all their contents and 
 secrets, but if you say "libr'y" and "government" and 
 drop your "g's" from "ing" endings, you will put 
 yourself quite unmistakably outside the lines of true 
 culture. 
 
 "The consonant," said Richard Grant White, "is the 
 distinguishing element of human speech. Man has 
 been defined in various ways, according to various 
 attributes, functions and habits. He might well be 
 called the consonant-using animal. He alone of all 
 animals uses consonants. It is the consonant which 
 makes the chief difference between the cries of beasts 
 and the speech of man." 
 
 There are also a certain number of words which 
 may be pronounced in two ways. Although it is 
 always best to adopt the one preferred by such high 
 authority as the dictionary or encyclopedia, still you 
 may want to justify yourself if perhaps your choice 
 is questioned. Tell the one who seems so sure he 
 has the only correct pronunciation that contemplate, 
 coruscate, costume, decorous, disputable, and diversely 
 may be accented on either the first or second syllables. 
 If you stressed the second syllable, then add that that 
 is the preference given by the best authority. 
 
THE FERRET 19 
 
 SIGNIFICANCE OF WORDS 
 Then again the American language when properly 
 pronounced teaches one to appreciate the fine shades 
 of meaning which mark the works of the great 
 writers. To enjoy fully the mere ''swing" of the best 
 prose may require some natural gift, like the inborn 
 taste for poetry or music or pictures. When you can 
 do this, you can get closer to the writer's idea, and 
 penetrate further into his personality, just as with 
 a magnifying glass you can discover new beauties in 
 the structure of a flower. This does not mean that 
 passage you are investigating was at first sight mean- 
 ingless — nor even obscure; nor that it contains a 
 single word that was altogether new to you. It means 
 that in addition to its obvious meaning it has a 
 further and deeper significance which the ordinary 
 reader would altogether miss and which he never 
 would be able to perceive until he ferreted out the 
 various meanings of different words. 
 
 DRAWING CONTRACTS 
 For example, in drawing contracts it requires good 
 usage of our language and good comprehension of 
 that same language to give certainty of one's bear- 
 ings. Suppose a man should be employed to collect 
 rents and be allowed, as many contracts read, *'ten 
 per cent, remittance." If he were to collect one hun- 
 dred dollars, your first thought would be that he 
 should retain ten dollars. But if he retained ten dol- 
 lars he could send his employer only ninety dollars. 
 Therefore his "remittance" would amount to only 
 nine dollars, an illustration of the value of these two 
 words, "remit" and "retain." If you do not yet see 
 their value, ferret it out! We will not selfishly de- 
 
20 THE FERRET 
 
 prive you of the pleasure. There are hundreds of 
 other words of even more importance that are apt 
 to be misunderstood for want of close observation. 
 
 INFORMATION FROM AUTHENTIC SOURCES 
 Don't expect to find authority on these matters in 
 your small family dictionary, for in many cases it is 
 not correct. It may have been compiled by someone 
 who is of a biased opinion. Better to use some of 
 the large, well-known encyclopedias and dictionaries, 
 and foreign histories on matters pertaining to foreign 
 countries. 
 
 For instance, in your family dictionary you might 
 find the statement that a Jew is an infidel, while in 
 any large encyclopedia you will find that, as well as 
 many similar statements, contradicted. 
 
 BENJAMIN FRANKLIN'S VIEWS ON EDUCATION 
 Benjamin Franklin, writing to a lady who asked 
 him to give her advice about writing, said: 
 
 "I would advise you to read with a pen in your 
 hand, and enter in a little book short hints of what 
 you find that is curious or that may be useful — and 
 as many of the terms of science are such as you can- 
 not have met with in your common reading, and may 
 therefore be unacquainted with, I think it would be 
 well for you to have a good dictionary at hand to 
 consult immediately when you meet a word you do 
 not know the precise meaning of. This may at first 
 seem troublesome and interrupting, but it is a trouble 
 that will daily diminish, and you will daily find less 
 and less occasion for your dictionary, as you will be- 
 come more acquainted with the terms; and in the 
 
THE FERRET 21 
 
 meantime you will read with more satisfaction be- 
 cause with more understanding." 
 
 Place an encyclopedia or dictionary in the hands of 
 your boys and girls; have them take John Ruskin*s 
 advice, and look at words, '^intensely," and counsel 
 them to acquire the dictionary habit; then you have 
 given them what may confidently be regarded as more 
 than the equivalent of a monetary legacy — and some- 
 thing they cannot acquire even in a college course 
 
 NICETIES OF CORRECT ACCENT 
 Is the accent on the first or on the second syllable 
 of precedence? And what about precedent? Is the 
 "a" long or short in national? And what about ra- 
 tional? One can name at random a score of common 
 words beginning with the first letter of the alphabet 
 that offer pronunciation puzzles; for example, access, 
 accursed, acoustic, advertisement, aeroplane, aeronaut, 
 again, aggrandizement, almond. Albino, amateur, ally, 
 annex, apparent, apricot, Appalachian, arbutus, art- 
 izen, Aryan, aspirant, asthma, aristocrat. 
 
 It makes one feel foolish when reading to be 
 obliged to hesitate over such words, even more foolish 
 to feel that one has mispronounced them, and of 
 course what applies to reading applies equally to our 
 ordinary conversation, except that here we may pick 
 and choose our words. But is it not a little humiliat- 
 ing to find ourselves avoiding this word or that be- 
 cause we are not quite sure how to pronounce it? 
 On the other hand, is there not an element of honest 
 satisfaction in feeling that you have challenged the 
 word and looked it up in a dictionary, encyclopedia 
 or some other book of authority, and do not have to 
 go on mispronouncing the word your entire life, be- 
 
22 THE FERRET 
 
 cause you happened to learn the wrong pronunciation 
 when you were a child? So, when you are not sure, 
 investigate, through reliable written authority — ^be- 
 come a "ferret." If you wanted to get rich you would 
 not ask a beggar how to accomplish it; if you wanted 
 to become a baker you would not ask a blacksmith to 
 teach you the trade; if you wanted to make a success 
 in business you would not ask advice from a man who 
 had gone into bankruptcy. So, if you want authority, 
 do not ask a professor who will give you only his 
 own opinion, but look it up yourself. 
 
 THE SCIENCE OF SPEECH 
 
 Read thoughtfully the following passage quoted 
 from Bernard Shaw: 
 
 **How do you do it, if I may ask?" inquired a gen- 
 tleman. 
 
 **Simply phonetics," replied Professor Higgins, "the 
 science of speech. That's my profession; also my 
 hobby. Happy is the man who can make a living by 
 his hobby! You can spot an Irishman or a York- 
 shireman by his brogue. I can place any man within 
 six miles. I can place him within two miles in Lon- 
 don. Sometimes within two streets." 
 
 "But is there a living in that?" 
 
 "Oh, yes. Quite a fat one. This is an age of up- 
 starts." 
 
 And the story of how he actually did take a poor 
 flower girl who had a dialect incomprehensible to the 
 educated ear, and every conceivable vulgarity of 
 speech, and successfully passed her off as a countess 
 at a garden-party six months later — that is the story 
 of Pygmalion, by Bernard Shaw. 
 
 The lesson which Bernard Shaw drives home in the 
 
THE FERRET 23 
 
 above is that there is nothing which defines any one's 
 position in the world quite so unmistakably as speech 
 — his pronunciation, his accent, and his choice of 
 words. It is his speech which immediately places him 
 in the class to which he truly belongs; it is the dif- 
 ference in speech which separates one stratum of 
 society from another. 
 
 In his preface Shaw says: "Finally and for the 
 encouragement of people troubled with accents that 
 cut them off from all high employment, I may add 
 that the change wrought by Professor Higgins is 
 neither impossible nor uncommon. 
 
 "The modern concierge's daughter, who fulfils her 
 ambition by playing the Queen of Spain, in *Ruy Bias,* 
 at the Theatre Francais, is only one of the many 
 thousands of men and women who have sloughed off 
 their native dialects and acquired a new tongue," and 
 the English, for example, have to do this when they 
 come to this country before their language escapes 
 ridicule from the American listener. 
 
 One does not ordinarily think of a dictionary as 
 a book to read. And an ordinary dictionary would, 
 in point of fact, afford scant opportunity for con- 
 secutive reading. But, on the other hand, he must 
 have a very barren and unresponsive mind indeed 
 who could read any single page of approximately a 
 10,000 page dictionary, or any other good book of its 
 kind, without receiving an education in itself far in 
 excess of any he could receive in a public school, with- 
 out having his attention challenged again and again, 
 and his interest keenly aroused and directed into un- 
 expected channels. Every page gives delightful 
 glimpses into aspects of human life so wide and so 
 varied as to command the attention of minds of the 
 
24 THE FERRET 
 
 most diverse types ; and there is probably not a single 
 page that does not contain some statement of fact, 
 touching on a matter of human interest, that will not 
 be new or unfamiliar to the reader, no matter how 
 extensive may have been his education or how pro- 
 found his knowledge. 
 
 It may be urged that one does not ordinarily buy 
 a dictionary with the expectation of reading it in any 
 such random way as that just suggested. Neverthe- 
 less it is true that any number of idle hours might 
 be pleasantly and profitably passed in just such ran- 
 dom reading, because it is an education to anyone. 
 We hear a great deal from educators as to what 
 might be accomplished in the way of self -betterment 
 by half an hour a day devoted to some special line 
 of reading. It may safely be affirmed that no book 
 or collection of books could be selected for such half- 
 hour reading that would give one a wider range of 
 self-culture than would attend the readings of the 
 dictionary or foreign histories, merely for the sake 
 of reading. 
 
 Doubtless this sounds a little paradoxical; but the 
 paradox vanishes when we reflect that words are the 
 symbols of thought; that the history of words is in 
 a comprehensive sense the history of human prog- 
 ress; that words can be understood only when inter- 
 preted in connection with the ideas and things asso- 
 ciated with them; and that the dictionary thus ex- 
 plains and illustrates every word in our language, — 
 revealing its derivation, naming the corresponding or 
 associated words in other languages, showing through 
 quotations the nicest shades of meanings, giving its 
 synonyms and antonyms, and its implications and 
 
THE FERRET 25 
 
 remoter bearing, besides the essential facts and ideas 
 for which our American language stands. 
 
 Thus presented and interpreted, even familiar words 
 reveal elements of unexpected and compelling interest 
 for the most casual reader. 
 
 CHOICE AND CONTRAST OF WORDS 
 Robert Louis Stevenson said: **The first merit 
 which attracts in the pages of a good writer, or the 
 talk of a brilliant conversationalist, is the apt choice 
 and contrast of the words employed." How true this 
 is of his own writings! The **apt choice and contrast 
 of the words" is surely one of Stevenson's greatest 
 charms. Whether describing the bleak heather lands 
 of Scotland, or the riotous scenery of the South Sea 
 Islands; whether discoursing on the requirements for 
 an ideal house, or the pleasure in the companionship 
 of books, he chooses his terms so that we see with 
 his eyes, we feel as he wishes us to feel, and how 
 great is the art which thus selects and combines the 
 right words! He himself says: "The difficulty of 
 literature is not to write, but to write what you mean ; 
 not to affect your reader, but to affect him precisely 
 as you wish." 
 
 For another proof that we do not speak English, 
 we will take the common word "father" as we pro- 
 nounce it. This will be a good example to illustrate 
 how a definition in our language is made, and why 
 words are things of life. 
 
 Everyone knows the first meaning of the word 
 father. Small dictionaries content themselves with a 
 simple definition, such as "male parent or ancestor." 
 Through research the word may be traced way back 
 to the beginning of the language of mankind. Isn't 
 
26 THE FERRET 
 
 it interesting to know the forms of this word in other 
 days and other languages? We find that it used to 
 be "fader" in Anglo-Saxon and English. The "th" 
 which took the place of "d" is a modern form — it 
 may be to conform with Anglo-Saxon "brother," or 
 with the Icelandic forms "fadhir" and "modhir." Al- 
 though "fader" was the most general term in Eng- 
 lish, there were also variations in spelling, such as 
 "fadir," "feder," "faeder." 
 
 So much for the origin of the word. Now comes 
 the task of listing the different meanings of "father" 
 and of finding appropriate quotations to illustrate 
 these meanings. Consultation of all early and con- 
 temporary dictionaries for their various definitions 
 of the word, and searching through ancient, mediaeval 
 and modern literature, satisfies Us that no application 
 has escaped our quest. Would it have occurred to 
 you that there could be more than two or three mean- 
 ings of the word? Here are our findings: 
 
 First comes the primary definition, which is simply : 
 "He who begets a child; the nearest male ancestor; 
 a male parent, so-called in relation to the child." This 
 being the commonest use of the word in the Amer- 
 ican language, we have no difficulty in getting satis- 
 factory quotations, beginning with "Now by my fader 
 soule that is dead," from Chaucer, and ending with 
 "A wise son maketh a glad father," from Proverbs. 
 
 However, "father" was the title of senators in 
 ancient Rome; there are "conscript fathers," the 
 "Father of the Roman Catholic Church," and many 
 other such "fathers" that one may best learn of 
 through research and study. 
 
THE FERRET 27 
 
 WORDS ADOPTED FROM OTHER LANGUAGES 
 During the 16th and 17th centuries the influence 
 of politics and commerce through trade, wars and 
 colonization, caused the adoption into our language 
 of many Spanish words, while some Holland words 
 came in during the period between the *'Dutch" wars 
 and the reign of William HI, who had been William 
 of Orange. The 16th and 17th centuries marked the 
 beginning of England's empire beyond the seas, of 
 her relations with the Far East and India, and the 
 planting of American colonies — from which resulted 
 the use of Indian words, words from India, from the 
 East Indies, from the West Indies and from the red 
 American natives. North, Central and South. 
 
 A NEWSPAPER EDUCATION 
 Have you a newspaper education or well founded 
 book learning? Do you see more pleasure in reading 
 statements that end with 'This is not authentic," or 
 in storing your mind with time-proven matter, — with 
 studies of Hippocrates, the "father of medicine"; of 
 Socrates, the "father of philosophy"; or Plato, or of 
 Aristotle? These might seem dry at first, but if you 
 continued to read you would turn back and re-read 
 the beginning with great interest. Would not your 
 time then be better occupied? 
 
 Again, do you know your Holy Bible, the book of 
 most easy access and worthy of much study? Did 
 your educational desire ever lead you to see how near 
 Confucius may compare with it? A newspaper edu- 
 cation would halt you on your first step toward gain- 
 ing a real fund of knowledge. 
 
 So become thoroughly acquainted with the Amer- 
 ican language, for it helps one to see the defects in 
 
28 THE FERRET 
 
 even the daily papers. If one could see the majority 
 of newspaper writers he would be ashamed to ac- 
 knowledge ever having read anything which purported 
 to be written for intelligence or the truth by them. 
 
 BOOGY-BOO HEADLINES 
 There are two Russian words that have recently 
 been adopted as headliners by the newspaper frater- 
 nity for boogy-boo effects on the public — and with 
 the desired results. The most popular is "bolsheviki," 
 which properly translated into American would mean 
 "majority," just as "mensheviki'* means ^'minority." 
 The other much used word is "anarchist," which 
 really means "individualist," or one who stands alone 
 in his ideas. If you doubt this statement, look it up 
 in a Russian dictionary. That is the best place to 
 find it. 
 
 A GREAT AMERICAN EDUCATOR 
 Horace Mann was in his time the leading educator 
 in America. Bom in Franklin, Mass., of parents who 
 were not financially able to afford him even a common 
 school education, he became a wonderful example of 
 what may be accomplished through determination, 
 effort and research. He not only was handicapped by 
 poverty, but by severe manual labor his health was 
 impaired. Nevertheless, he determined to study, so 
 took advantage of the small local library, where he 
 began his education. To what extent an humble be- 
 ginning may be developed is plainly shown by the 
 accomplishments of this wonderful man. He not only 
 became financially independent, but he wrote many 
 educational books. More important still, his addresses 
 and lectures greatly benefited his fellowmen, by help- 
 
THE FERRET 29 
 
 ing to extend the present free school system through- 
 out the United States. 
 
 Furthermore, this busy man found time to look into 
 national politics, having been elected to the House 
 of Representatives as an anti-slavery Whig to succeed 
 John Quincy Adams. 
 
 This one example of what study, research and in- 
 vestigation will accomplish, should spur us on at least 
 to familiarize ourselves with ordinary uses and abuses 
 of the American language, not to mention absolute 
 facts which are often misrepresented by careless 
 writers. 
 
 Again I repeat, "ferret" out these things! 
 
 SMALL BEGINNINGS 
 The county house is not a place of charity, any 
 more than is the public school, for both are main- 
 tained by taxation; so, inasmuch as the child pays 
 no taxes, yet is furnished with a means of education 
 by the taxed people, some of whom have no children, 
 he or she is receiving more free benefits than the 
 man who, having paid taxes all of his adult life, late 
 in life is forced through adverse circumstances, or 
 old age, to seek aid and a haven at the county farm. 
 As a matter of fact, there is many a man who has 
 no children going to school, and possibly never at- 
 tended a school himself, who pays hundreds of dollars 
 in taxes towards the maintenance of such schools; 
 while there are other men who have large families of 
 children enjoying these educational benefits, who have 
 never paid any taxes. One of the first public schools 
 in the United States was taught in the wing of a 
 county house by an inmate, who, in his younger days, 
 was a private tutor and went from house to house 
 
30 THE FERRET 
 
 giving private lessons for a nominal fee, which was 
 the custom before public schools were inaugurated. 
 So the public school really had its beginning in the 
 county house and was called a "poor school." Great 
 things have small beginnings. At that time it was 
 just as much of a disgrace to go to the "poor school" 
 as it is now to go to the county farm. So hold up 
 your head if you are compelled to go to the county 
 house, for you have paid your way there and own 
 stock in it sufficient to take care of you in your old 
 
 age. 
 
 ONE OF THE FIRST PUBLIC SCHOOLS IN 
 AMERICA 
 In 1635 the freemen of the five-year-old town of 
 Boston established a school and made public provision 
 for its support. This was the beginning of the pre- 
 sent famous Latin School of that city. In 1647 
 Massachusetts passed a law requiring every town of 
 fifty householders to maintain a master to teach read- 
 ing and writing, and every town of one hundred 
 householders to maintain a grammar school with a 
 master competent to fit youths for entrance to col- 
 lege, wages of such master to be paid by parents 
 whose children took advantage of the instruction, or 
 by the inhabitants in general. In 1633 the first Dutch 
 schoolmaster arrived at Manhattan, when a school 
 tax amounting to four pounds was levied and col- 
 lected. In 1638 New Haven set up a school under 
 Ezekiel Cheever, who was paid "out of the common 
 stock of the town." 
 
 FIRST COLLEGE IN UNITED STATES 
 The first college in the United States was estab- 
 lished by the Court of Boston in 1836 at Newetowne. 
 
THE FERRET 31 
 
 The name of the town was afterwards changed to 
 Cambridge by Rev. John Harvard, who bequeathed 
 his library and seven hundred pounds of money to 
 the college, which afterwards bore his name. 
 
 THE ART OF PRINTING 
 
 The art of printing was not first invented by Euro- 
 peans. To the Chinese, or Cathaians, must be given 
 the credit for the invention of printing. The Celes- 
 tials were printing from movable blocks when Europe 
 was in its infancy, and this method was introduced 
 into Europe about the 12th century, for the purpose 
 of ornamenting fabrics. 
 
 About the 15th century there was a Deutch (Ger- 
 man) lad bearing the strange name of Johann Gens- 
 fleisch (translated into plain American this means 
 John Gooseflesh), who was one day playing near a pot 
 of boiling dye, with which his father was preparing to 
 color some skins. He had cut the letters of his name 
 from the bark of a tree, and was spreading them out 
 to form his name, when one accidentally fell into the 
 pot of dye. Quickly John plunged in his fingers to 
 rescue the letter. Finding it hot, he dropped it. It 
 fell upon one of the white skins which was waiting 
 to be dyed, and when John lifted the block away he 
 saw a beautiful purple "H" smiling at him. This 
 was the first letter ever printed on the continent of 
 Europe ! 
 
 In 1450 we find a printing press working in Mainz, 
 under the direction of Johann Gutenberg, who had 
 changed his name from Gooseflesh, availing himself 
 of the old Deutch (German) law which permitted a 
 child to take his mother's name instead of his father's, 
 if he so desired. This newer discovery of the art of 
 
82 THE FERRET 
 
 printing revolutionized the world. So much for John 
 Gutenberg's contribution to the art of printing. Then 
 we have Laurens Janszoon Coster, of Haarlem, Hol- 
 land, who was the first inventor of movable type, but 
 Johann Fust and Peter Schoeffer, of Deutchland (Ger- 
 many), were the first to put the movable type into 
 practical use. The first printer in England was Will- 
 iam Caxton, who turned out his first book in London 
 in 1479. 
 
 The first newspaper ever printed was published by 
 the Cathaians (Chinese). It was called the Peking 
 Tchingpao ("News of The Capital"). This momentous 
 happening was in the year 713 of the T'ang dynasty. 
 Later, during the Roman empire, there was a news- 
 paper named the Acta Diurna ("Daily Occurrences") 
 printed at Rome. The first newspaper in America 
 was published in Boston in 1690, and was named 
 "Public Occurrences." Now, think of the present-day 
 influence of the newspaper over our daily lives. Think 
 of its enormous possibilities for either good or evil. 
 It is impossible to over-estimate the direct and power- 
 ful influence of reading upon our lives, so be careful 
 of what you read, for poisoned reading destroys na- 
 tions. 
 
 THE FIRST NEWSPAPER IN UNITED STATES 
 Benjamin Franklin did not publish the first news- 
 paper in the United States. The first one in America, 
 called "Publick Occurrences," was published in Boston 
 in 1690; it was a small quarto sheet having one page 
 blank, and, for containing "reflexions of a very high 
 nature," it was suppressed by the Governor. In 1728 
 Benjamin Franklin established in Philadelphia the 
 "Philadelphia Gazette," published as a weekly until 
 
THE FERRET 33 
 
 1765, when it was merged in the "North American." 
 In 1725 the Colonies had two newspapers; in 1775, 
 thirty-four were in existence. In the following years 
 a number were established, and among them Amer- 
 icans two first dailies, the "Advertiser," of Philadel- 
 nh^'a, 1784, and the "Advertiser," of New York, 1785. 
 The advent of journalism^ came in 1830. The "Daily 
 Sun." established in New York in 1833, was the first 
 penny paper in America. The New York "Herald" 
 was founded by James Gordon Bennett in 1835, and 
 the New York "Tribune" was established in 1841, 
 with Horace Greeley as editor. 
 
 THE FIRST RAILROAD IN AMERICA 
 
 The first railroad in America, built by Gridley 
 Bryant, in 1825, was four miles long and was in- 
 tended to carry granite from Quincy, Mass., to Bunker 
 Hill monument. In 1827, the Mauch Chunk railway, 
 thirteen miles long, was built to carry coal. In the 
 same year a charter was granted to the Baltimore & 
 Ohio railroad for the construction of the first road, 
 intended to carry passengers by means of steam. 
 
 THE FIRST BICYCLE 
 The first bicycle in America was patented in 1866 
 by Lallament. It was called a velocipede. The old- 
 style high wheel was introduced into New York City 
 in 1874. The Pope Manufacturing Company began 
 making wheels in Boston in 1878 and produced the 
 first American safety bicycle in 1888. The pneumatic 
 tire was patented by Dunlap in 1889. 
 
34 THE FERRET 
 
 A FEW FACTS ABOUT THE OLD WORLD THAT 
 
 WE ARE NOT TAUGHT IN THE 
 
 NEW ..WORLD 
 
 POLYANDRY 
 
 The ancient Empire of Abyssinia, in Africa, had 
 the first system of free schools in the world. Abys- 
 sinia also is one of the oldest of Christian countries, 
 a fact which may startle some of the disciples of 
 Jesus in western lands. The present Empress of 
 Abyssinia claims direct descent from Solomon's royal 
 paramour, the Queen of Sheba. Her majesty is the 
 most noted example of polyandry, having five hun- 
 dred husbands. 
 
 THE MOST ANCIENT INHABITED CITY IN THE 
 
 WORLD 
 
 Neither Jerusalem, Damascus, Constantinople, Cairo 
 nor Rome has the distinction of being the oldest in- 
 habited city in the world. The strange old city of 
 Gaya, India, can claim that honor. Indeed, Gaya is 
 the most unique city on earth from the standpoint of 
 curiosities. Some of its rare old buildings seem to 
 be constructed of exquisite pieces of lace. The Temple 
 of Mystery is one of the oldest and most fairy-like 
 structures ever built by man. All Gaya's most beauti- 
 ful, high-caste women live in its mysterious Zenanas 
 in impenetrable seclusion. 
 
 KING SOLOMON WAS NOT A WHITE MAN 
 
 A real descendant of King Solomon, claims to the 
 
 contrary notwithstanding, was the late Dinizulu, the 
 
 last king of Zululand. While Dinizulu had the actual 
 
 blood of Solomon coursing through his veins, the old 
 
THE FERRET 35 
 
 "Lover of Blood'* made many very extravagant claims 
 as to his genealogy and dignity, such as "Sun of 
 Heaven," "Shadow of the Great White Bird," 
 "Brother of the Ginginylorn" (elephant in Zulu), 
 "Supreme Wielder of the Assagai." To Dinizulu, all 
 other kings and princes were upstarts. However, the 
 British government had the temerity to place him in 
 a terrible dungeon, where the old sovereign died a 
 few years ago. Nevertheless, he was a direct descen- 
 dant of King Solomon, who was not a white man. 
 
 FAMILY INTERMARRIAGE DESTROYS NATIONS 
 Mark Antony, Caesar, et al., were the "ornamental 
 lovers" of Egypt's scintillating queen, Cleopatra — the 
 high priestess of the Lotus eaters. The man whom 
 Cleopatra really loved was a powerful Ethiopian slave. 
 The queen picked him from a number of thousands 
 who were bathing in the Nile during one of her 
 resplendant journeys on that famous stream. Cleo- 
 patra, however, was not married to any of her numer- 
 ous admirers. The fact is, the enchantress of the 
 Nile was the wife in succession of two of her own 
 brothers. The first brother-husband she caused to 
 be destroyed in order to marry the second. Thus, by 
 this diabolical subterfuge, was she able to hold the 
 Egyptian crown. 
 
 THE CITY OF LONDON IS NOT A MILE SQUARE 
 London (the capital of England and seat of gov- 
 ernment of the British Empire) , known as the largest 
 city of the world, is really but little over a square 
 mile in extent, and in 1911 had a population of only 
 19,657. It extends along the north bank of the 
 Thames, from the Temple to the Tower, and north- 
 
36 THE FERRET 
 
 ward as far as Holburn and Finsbury Circus, and is 
 the business center, its "day" population exceeding 
 300,000. London is probably an ancient British town. 
 It appears to have been re-settled by the Romans 
 about 43 A.D., and Londinium (called also Augusta) 
 was the capital of Britannia in the last part of the 
 Roman period. After the departure of the Romans 
 (about 410) and in the early Saxon period its history 
 is obscure, though there were bishops of London from 
 the seventh century. The London Wall was a Roman 
 wall, built between 350 and 369, around the city of 
 London (**the City"), and enclosed three hundred and 
 eighty acres. There were two gates in it, the west- 
 ern gate, now Newgate for the Pretorian way or 
 Watling Street, and a northern gate for the Road to 
 York or Ermine Street, now Bishopgate. During the 
 Danish invasion the wall was broken down, but was 
 restored in 886. This was kept up till comparatively 
 modern times, and fragments of it are still discerni- 
 ble. The most notable portion is in the street now 
 called London Wall, between Wood Street and Alder- 
 manbury. Greater London consists of the suburbs of 
 Battersea, Bermondsey, Bethnal Green, Camberwell, 
 Chelsea, Deptford, Finsbury, Fulham, Greenwich, 
 Hackney, Hammersmith, Hampstead, Hoburn, Isling- 
 ton, Kensington, Lambeth, Lewisham, Paddington, 
 Poplar, St. Marylebone, St. Pancras, Shoreditch, 
 South wark. Stepney, Stoke Newington, Wandsworth, 
 Westminster, Woolwich, City of London (all these 
 known as the "inner ring"). The "outer ring" con- 
 sists of Middlesex, Surrey, Kent, Essex and Hertford- 
 shire. Not any of these suburbs are included in the 
 corporation proper, so the City of London proper has 
 never been enlarged beyond the sound of Bow-Bells, 
 
THE FERRET 37 
 
 which covers 380 acres. All of these outlying muni- 
 cipalities account for the lenghty addresses on mail 
 destined primarily for London, but ultimately for 
 either High Street, Essex; High Street, Chelsea, etc., 
 for there are endless streets of the same name in the 
 different boroughs. 
 
 THE "UNION JACK" IS NOT THE FLAG OF 
 ENGLAND 
 
 The popular "Union Jack'* of England is neither a 
 royal nor imperial ensign. It is heralded by all Brit- 
 ons as simply a national emblem without any official 
 sanction. The Union Jack, so-called, is made up of 
 the crosses of St. George, St. Andrew and St. Patrick, 
 emblematic of the three saints, having sentimental 
 and historical significances in the islands. The real 
 flag of England is the "Royal Standard,'* used only 
 on state occasions and flown to the breeze only at 
 the masts of the royal palaces when the sovereign 
 is in residence. Its design is made up of mythical 
 animals surmounted by the royal crown. A remark- 
 able fact remains that, although the British domain 
 constitutes a vast empire, there is no imperial flag. 
 In the Empire of India, which is a British protector- 
 ate, the native princes still cling to the gorgeous ban- 
 ners in use during the Mogul dynasty. 
 
 POWER OF THE SULTAN 
 The Sultan of Turkey has not and never did have 
 the power to declare a holy war between Mohamme- 
 dans and people of a different name. It is the com- 
 paratively little known Sheriff of Mecca, the keeper 
 of the Prophet's banner, in whose hands lies the 
 power to call the Moslem world to arms in holy com- 
 
38 THE FERRET 
 
 bat. During the late world-war, feign would the 
 Turkish Sultan have declared a holy war against the 
 allied governments. He made several attempts to 
 cajole the Sheriff of Mecca into so doing, but without 
 avail; and thus was foiled one of the Kaiser's pet 
 schemes. 
 
 CUSTOMS IN HAREMS 
 There is much misrepresentation with regard to the 
 life and customs in the harems of Mohammedan 
 rulers and persons of note. Be it said, and with au- 
 thority, too, that the woman of the harem is more 
 humanely treated than is many a wife in a so-called 
 Christian land. According to a much traveled friend 
 of the writer, who has been granted the unusual privi- 
 lege in India and Egypt of studying at close range 
 the women of these Oriental institutions, their in- 
 mates are lavishly provided for by their masters, each 
 one having a separate apartment in which she is 
 allowed to receive all of her friends and acquaint- 
 ances, who, of course, must be ladies. Women are 
 never introduced into harem life against their will. 
 They are usually candidates for entry years before 
 their admittance. It is necessary for them to become 
 highly educated and accomplished, while relatives and 
 friends must be perfectly willing that they leave the 
 family surroundings for the gay and strange life of 
 the palace. The present Sultan of Morocco has been 
 known to take up beautiful, though poor and ignorant, 
 girls, have them educated by foreign teachers within 
 the precincts of his golden harem, then return them 
 to private life, ladies in every respect. A girl belong- 
 ing to a harem in Morocco, Turkey or India is more 
 highly esteemed and respectfully treated than a bar- 
 
THE FERRET 39 
 
 maid in England, a yellow-ticket woman in Russia, 
 and many, many alleged wives in Christian lands. 
 This same Sultan of Morocco, according to the writer's 
 traveled friend, has a custom of bringing, at his own 
 expense, operatic troops from the great theaters of 
 Paris, London and Vienna to entertain his ladies, who 
 are so far from being captives that sometime ago a 
 number of women had to be forcibly removed from 
 the palace gates when "His Highness" decided to di- 
 minish their number — a praiseworthy decision, for the 
 custom is a deplorable one and should be done away 
 with in all countries, whether Mohammedan, Christian 
 or otherwise, and the strangest part of all is that the 
 largest of these harems are under the protection of 
 the Christian countries of France and England. 
 
 SOLOMON OUT-SOLOMONED 
 The late king Kululunkorn of Siam had 10,000 
 wives. This fact became known first-hand to a friend 
 of the writer, who had it from no less an authority 
 than the eighth born of His Highnesses seventeen 
 sons. A special palace was built to house the con- 
 jugal legion. In the matter of wives, king Kululun- 
 korn had the "lead" on Solomon by nine thousand 
 three hundred ladies, inasmuch as Solomon is credited 
 with but seven hundred wives, the remaining three 
 hundred being concubines. 
 
 TWO MODERN NATIONS ARE WITHOUT CONSTI- 
 TUTIONS—JAPAN AND ENGLAND 
 Japan is being governed by the same constitution as 
 Prussia. The Japanese statesman. Prince Ito, was 
 sent abroad in search of a pattern for a Japanese con- 
 stitution, in an effort to appease the people who were 
 
40 THE FERRET 
 
 clamoring for some voice in the govememnt. Ito 
 passed up the United States and all of Europe, ex- 
 cepting Germany. In Berlin, Bismarck showed him 
 that by accepting the Prussian idea he could fool the 
 Japanese people and keep the Mikado and nobility in 
 the saddle, much as the Kaiser and the nobility ruled 
 Deutchland (Germany). Thus Japan of today is gov- 
 erned by the Prussian fundamental law, while she still 
 makes a pretense of being her enemy. 
 
 England, too, can be said to be without a constitu- 
 tion, as hers is largely unwritten — a most extraordi- 
 nary fact. She is the only nation on earth in this pre- 
 dicament. However, she manages to get along on her 
 intricate and ancient treaties, bill s-of -rights and the 
 decisions of her courts. Her colonies have a much 
 better basis for law and order. 
 
 STYLES AND TITLES OF MONARCHS 
 The style, title and position of emperor is the high- 
 est place to which mortals can attain, and this is even 
 restricted to members of royal families. The dignity 
 of an emperor first occurred to the Romans, who made 
 the Julian family their emperors. Both the words 
 czar and kaiser are corruptions of Caesar. The title 
 kaiser is recognized now as of higher degree than that 
 of king. An emperor, like the ex-kaiser, may be king 
 of a number of states composing his empire, but is 
 still emperor of the whole confederation. The Czar 
 of Russia was not only emperor, but King of Poland, 
 Grand Duke of Finland and grand duke of a dozen 
 other small states composing his empire. The King 
 of England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales and of the 
 British dominions beyond the seas, is, at the same 
 time. Emperor of India. Coming to our own United 
 States and other republics, the title of our chief execu- 
 
THE FERRET 41 
 
 tive — president — has been handed down to us from 
 Rome. 
 
 AMERICAN GALLANTRY REWARDED WITH 
 FEUDALISM TITLES 
 
 Out of the horrors of the great war have sprung 
 many American nobles. For instance, the commander- 
 in-chief of the American forces, General John Persh- 
 ing, is now Sir John Pershing, K. C. B., which accord- 
 ing to good authority makes the knighthood heredi- 
 tary. Then there is General Biddle, who was supreme 
 over the American Expeditionary Forces in England, 
 who has also been made a "Sir*' of some order of 
 knighthood. Admiral Sims and one or two other 
 American naval dignitaries have also received titulary 
 favors from King George V. 
 
 Among Englishmen of any degree of note, who 
 have absolutely rejected these feudalism titles previ- 
 ous to the war, may be mentioned one of no less dis- 
 tinction than the late William E. Gladstone. General 
 Booth, the late respected founder of the Salvation 
 Army, was another celebrated Briton who refused to 
 be knighted by the late King Edward VII, saying, "I 
 neither wish for nor could I accept any titles of no- 
 bility." Of late a member of British nobility itself 
 has been a strenuous advocate of the discontinuance 
 of these relics of feudalism, for such men as Guiness 
 of the famous Irish brewing concern was made a 
 baron, or lord, on account of his enormous wealth and 
 the fame of his beer-porter, or stout. Lord Iveigh is 
 the titled head of the Guiness family. Sir Thomas 
 Lipton was made a baronet on account of his great 
 enterprise as a grower of tea in Ceylon and as an ex- 
 pert in pork decoctions in the British Colonies. 
 
42 THE FERRET 
 
 AMERICAN TITLES 
 The official style and title of the president of the 
 United States is, "His Excellency, the Honorable 
 Woodrow Wilson, President of the United States of 
 North America." The American Secretary of State 
 is always addressed at home as the "Honorable" and 
 as "His Excellency" abroad. Ambassadors of the 
 United States accredited to foreign governments are 
 always addressed as "Your Excellency." The Speaker 
 of the House is styled "The Honorable," as are all 
 members of the Senate. American consular officials 
 are, "The Honorable" so-and-so. Moreover, the gov- 
 ernors of every state in the Union are addressed both 
 in person and in correspondence as "Excellencies." 
 Protestant and Roman Catholic bishops in the United 
 States are addressed as "Lord Bishops." The full 
 title of these American church dignitaries is, "The 
 Right or Most Reverend, the Lord Archbishop." And 
 yet this custom of titles among Americans is uncon- 
 stitutional. 
 
 CORRECT NAMES OF ROYALTY 
 Until a few years ago, the family names of the 
 various royal and imperial houses of Europe were 
 quite unknown to their subject peoples. In fact, it 
 was considered impudent and presumptions on the 
 part of the common people to even inquire into the 
 family names or origin of the several ruling houses. 
 Of late, however, especially during the late world war, 
 there has been a tendency among some writers of the 
 newspaper fraternity to attribute family names to 
 certain European monarchs, which are entirely er- 
 roneous. A case in point is the ex-imperial ruler of 
 Germany, the Kaiser William II. He is usually spoken 
 of as one William Hohenzollern. Nothing could be 
 
THE FERRET 43 
 
 farther from the facts. The ancestors of his ex- 
 majesty were the owners of Castle Zollern, a corrup- 
 tion of the ancestral name, which was Zolloring. The 
 German people, wishing to give special honor to the 
 family, attached the prefix hohen, meaning high, to the 
 name. However, the family name of the ex-imperial 
 family of Germany is Zollorin, which Prince Henry of 
 Prussia, a brother of the emperor, readily admits. 
 
 Another instance of misnomer applies to the British 
 royal family, which is of direct German descent. The 
 family name of British royalty was Guelph (pro- 
 nounced Welf). It was afterwards changed to Wet- 
 tin, inasmuch as George I disliked his German rela- 
 tives of that name. At present the name of Guelph 
 is generally applied to the family of King George V 
 and Queen Mary by popular writers and correspond- 
 ents. All these penny-a-liners, we wish to state, are 
 wrong. As a matter of fact, King George the Fifth 
 has quite recently changed the family name to Wind- 
 sor, after the favorite palace of Queen Victoria, his 
 illustrious grandmother. This change was made by 
 the reigning king to show his disgust for his imperial 
 cousin, the Emperor William, and incidentally to warm 
 his way into the hearts of the British people, who 
 were showing a loathing towards everything German. 
 
 The name of the late Emperor of Russia was Nicko- 
 las Alexis Romanoff. Serbia's king bears the name of 
 Karageorgevich (Black George). 
 
 The family name of His Most Catholic Majesty, the 
 King of Spain, Alphonso XHI, is Bourbon. He is of 
 the Spanish branch of a great, noble family which has 
 reigned in several European countries. King Al- 
 phonso wears the famous crown of Castile. His full 
 name is: Alphonso Carlos Pierre Louis Antoine 
 
44 THE FERRET 
 
 Jamie Ferdinand Phillip Egalite Henry Xavier Felix 
 Rene Pin de Bourbon. These names are repre- 
 sentative of his Majesty's illustrious ancestors. The 
 title, Most Catholic, was conferred on the kings of 
 Spain by the Holy See, in recognition of their being 
 favorite sons of the Roman Catholic church. This title 
 was to pass with the crown of Spain forever, no pro- 
 vision having been made against the possibility of its 
 wearer turning Protestant. 
 
 King Victor Immanuel HI of Italy is also a Bourbon 
 of the Neapolitan branch. In Sweden the descendants 
 of Marshall Bemadotte are still reigning. This family 
 was placed on the throne of Norway and Sweden by 
 Napoleon the first. The first king of this dynasty 
 was an officer in Napoleon's army. The family name 
 of King Albert of Belgium is Bras-de-fer (Iron Arm). 
 The present chief executive of France bears the name 
 of Raymond Poincaire. 
 
 In the annals of Chinese "imperials" the Dynasty 
 of Chow is one of the greatest of royal family names. 
 
 China, or Cathay, has had about 100 dynasties, 
 covering several thousand years. The imperial heads 
 of these dynasties have been among the most exclu- 
 sive and wonderful mortals. The late Dowager Em- 
 press, who arose from the humble position of slave- 
 girl to imperial dignity, was a most extraordinary per- 
 son. This late imperial lady did not give her sanction 
 to the Boxer uprising, although she bitterly resented 
 the behavior of certain foreign missionaries. 
 
 NAPOLEON WAS NOT HIS NAME 
 
 When speaking of historical characters it seldom 
 
 occurs to us that the names we know them by today 
 
 bear no relation to their original styles or titles. That 
 
 great French emperor, the man who came nearer to 
 
THE FERRET 45 
 
 ruling the earth than even Alexander the Great, is 
 always referred to as "Napoleon the First/* as if 
 Napoleon were the given name. However, the" Great 
 First Consul"— the "Terror of Europe"— "the Man of 
 Destiny," the Emperor of France, was known to his 
 family, relatives and friends as Samuel Bonaparte; 
 the Christian name Samuel being his baptismal name, 
 consequently his proper name was Samuel Bonaparte 
 and not Napoleon, as commonly accepted. 
 
 CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS WAS NOT HIS NAME 
 The Genoese navigator, popularly supposed to be 
 the discoverer of America, was christened Christopher 
 Colon. The name Columbus was applied to Chris- 
 topher Colon very much as a mob of boys and girls 
 in America would make fun and jeer at one of their 
 number who had made what to them appeared a fool- 
 ish boast, or had failed in some attempted undertak- 
 ing. In the case of Christopher Colon, he had, as we 
 all know, proclaimed to have discovered a new world 
 beyond the Atlantic, which at that time seemed im- 
 possible; consequently, the word Columbus was an 
 epithet applied to him, in much the same manner as 
 it would be to anyone in that country, when personal 
 or public opinion was against them. 
 
 THERE IS NO CHINESE NATION 
 There is no country by the name of China. This 
 name was applied to the great land of Cathay by 
 illiterate traders and missionaries, on account of the 
 beautiful pottery from the clay called Cheena. Edu- 
 cated Chinese of the upper provinces do not recognize 
 "China" as applied to the country by strangers, and 
 foreigners who have lived in those parts for any 
 
46 THE FERRET 
 
 length of time never use the name China, except when 
 referring to the delicate potteries made in the neigh- 
 borhood. The late Dowager Empress was always 
 amused at the continuous application by "foreign 
 devils" of the name "China" to her beloved land. The 
 official proper name of this country is Cathay. 
 
 In the days of the patriarchs, that is, in so-called 
 Bible times, Cathay was called Sinim by the Hebrews. 
 However, there is no "Chinese" race. The inhabitants 
 of Cathay are Mongolian and Tartar in their origin. 
 These inhabitants of the Celestial Empire do nearly 
 everything contrary to the customs of the west. For 
 instance, the men wear the skirts, the women the 
 pants. In reading, they commence at the back of a 
 book and read toward the front. One native meeting 
 another, shakes hands with himself instead of with 
 his acquaintance. 
 
 LANGUAGES OF "CHINA" 
 The "Chinese" do not use their written language in 
 conversation. The Colloquial or spoken language of 
 Cathay (China) has never been written, despite the 
 attempts of "foreign missionary devils," as they are 
 termed by the natives, to reduce it to writing, in 
 order to make plain the principles of Christianity. 
 The written language of Cathay (China) are not by 
 any means colloquial in any part of the republic. 
 However, the written languages of the different prov- 
 inces are all expressed with the same hieroglyphics, 
 so if a native of one province cannot make himself 
 understood in addressing someone of a different part 
 of the empire, he resorts to writing. The various 
 languages of Cathay (China) are: Hakka, the prov- 
 ince of Kuangtung; further inland, Swatow, Amoy, 
 
THE FERRET 47 
 
 Foochow, Wenchow and Ningpo; further north, the 
 great Mandurin language (Kuanhua, or official lan- 
 guage) ; Yangchow, Hankow, Peakinese and Cantonese 
 are important languages. Mandurin, however, is the 
 most important language of the country. 
 
 ENGLAND, IRELAND, SCOTLAND AND AUS- 
 TRALIA ARE MISNAMED 
 
 Again we have the name Ireland where we should 
 have Hibernia, and Scotland which is really Caledonia ; 
 proud England is really Albion, and her great crown 
 colony, Australia, is really Austral, or Southern Asia. 
 The author mentions these facts simply and without 
 comment. How the original names of these several 
 countries became changed is for his readers to 
 *'ferret" out. It can be done. 
 
 THERE IS NO RUSSIA 
 Then there is the case of Russia, which is really 
 Muscovy, and whose inhabitants are Muscovites in- 
 stead of Russians. How did this vast East-European 
 country receive the name of Russia? 'Terret!" 
 
 THERE IS NO SUCH PLACE AS GERMANY 
 When you ask your small boy or girl, "What coun- 
 try have we recently been at war with?" he or she 
 will eagerly answer, "Germany." What a gross mis- 
 take! If you will take the trouble to look in any 
 encyclopedia you will be able to teach them the truth. 
 The country called Germany is known to its own 
 people as Deutschland only. It is made up of prov- 
 inces, of which Prussia is the largest. The ancient 
 people of this country lived in tribes ; then they grad- 
 ually formed into kingdoms, such as Bavaria, Baden, 
 
48 THE FERRET 
 
 Prussia, Wurtemburg, Hanover, and a few others, 
 which in about the year 1871 combined under one 
 kingdom, and the combination was officially named 
 Deutschland. The people there have no knowledge of 
 the word Germany, and never hear it spoken until 
 they come in contact with Americans, or American- 
 speaking people. 
 
 A SO-CALLED DUTCHMAN IS NOT A GERMAN 
 A Hollander is referred to as a "Dutchman" in our 
 language only, and a Deutscher is referred to as a 
 German in our language only. The words "Dutch- 
 man," "German," "Dago" and "Mick" are all Amer- 
 ican slang. Say preferably Hollander not "Dutch- 
 man," Deutscher not "German," Italian not "Dago," 
 and Irishman not "Mick." 
 
 The word "Hun" is a corruption of "Hungarian," 
 and does not rightfully refer to German or Deutscher, 
 as you will often see mis-stated in the newspapers. 
 
 THE POPES OF ROME 
 
 The titular head of the Roman Catholic Church, the 
 pope, has not always been domiciled in the Eternal 
 City — Rome — as is generally thought. Political up- 
 heavals and religious controversy led the pontiffs to 
 take up their official abode in the small, windy and 
 ill-kept town of Avignon in France. A palace was 
 specially constructed there in 1316 by Pope John the 
 22nd. After Italian affairs had quieted down a little, 
 the popes again returned to the Vatican at Rome, 
 which they have occupied continuously since. 
 
 The Vatican is the largest palace in Christendom. 
 It contains upwards of six thousand rooms. Some 
 of them are of surpassing splendor. Billions of dol- 
 
THE FERRET 49 
 
 lars' worth of the world's treasures are housed there, 
 largely gifts from faithful Roman Catholics the world 
 over. The pope and his immediate household, the 
 princes of the Church, secretaries, and lady ser- 
 vants occupy about 600 rooms. The old palace at 
 Avignon, France, is now used as a military barracks 
 and jail, and most of its costly fixtures have been 
 removed to Rome. 
 
 LAIRD OF SKIBO 
 
 Andrew Carnegie was known to the world as the 
 Laird of Skibo on account of his ownership of Skibo 
 castle and estate in Sutherland, Scotland, which he 
 purchased about twenty years ago. 
 
 This is one of the most beautifully situated coun- 
 try seats in bonnie Scotland; it is wonderfully fur- 
 nished inside, containing one of the best organs in 
 the three kingdoms. Mr. Carnegie seldom occupied 
 Skibo castle after the death of the late King Edward, 
 who had often been the Laird's guest there. "Laird 
 of Skibo" is not to be confused with "patented titles" 
 bestowed by the King of England, who is also King 
 of Scotland. It was simply a popular "title" bestowed 
 by admiring Scotch friends, and is the Highland dia- 
 lect for Lord of Skibo. 
 
 CARNEGIE WAS NOT THE ORIGINATOR OF 
 FREE PUBLIC LIBRARIES 
 
 (Facts regarding Mencius, the great Chinese phil- 
 osopher, translated from the language of the Bengali, 
 in India.) 
 
 With all due respect to the wisdom and foresight 
 of Mr. Andrew Carnegie, the • Scotch- American phil- 
 »nthropist, in the estabjisbment of libraries through- 
 
50 THE FERRET 
 
 out the American-speaking world, he was not the first 
 mortal to take this means of educating the masses 
 and disseminating knowledge. The great Chinese 
 philosopher, Mang-tsye, or Mencius, about the year 
 258 B.C., founded a number of village libraries in 
 several of the great provinces of Cathay (China). In 
 contradistinction to Mr. Carnegie, Mencius was a very 
 poor man. Tramping from village to village, teaching 
 his great philosophy of life, Mencius managed to col- 
 lect from the ignorant, but characteristically inquisi- 
 tive, natives enough of the currency of his time to 
 start these libraries, leaving their maintenance in the 
 hands of the scattered disciples of Confucius, much 
 as Carnegie left to the different municipalities and 
 library boards the task of supporting his original 
 gifts. Mencius, however, did more in this line than 
 the "Laird of Skibo" (Andrew Carnegie) thought of, 
 for not only did he work to supply the buildings, but 
 the tablets as well (books being unknown then). 
 These tablets contained history, religion, grammar, 
 etc., in the original languages of Cathay (China). 
 
 The philosophy of life of the great Mencius may 
 be summed up in his own words: "To dwell in love 
 in the wide house of the world, to stand in propriety 
 in the great seat of the world, and to walk in right- 
 eousness in the great path of the world." 
 
 THE CHRISTIAN CALENDAR IN COMMON USE 
 IS NOT CORRECT 
 There are two calendars claiming the attention of 
 the world. The first one, compiled by Julius Caesar, 
 is known as the Julian calendar; the other is a revi- 
 sion of Caesar's calendar, and is known as the Gre- 
 gorian calendar. The latter was the work of Pope 
 
THE FERRET 51 
 
 Gregory, a powerful Roman Catholic pope, who was 
 noted for his devotion to Christianity, but who made 
 many mistakes, for want of knowledge. One of the 
 many things which he did not seem to interpret cor- 
 rectly was the meaning of the word Christ, a Hebrew 
 word meaning "truth." In reckoning the Julian cal- 
 endar he made a mistake of four years, which would, 
 according to ancient history, record the birth of Jesus 
 as four years B.C., and this ancient history is being 
 used in our high schools. It is also noted that in 
 revising Caesar's calendar, Pope Gregory named Sun- 
 day as the day of rest, while the Julian calendar gives 
 Saturday as the Sabbath day. The Scriptures say 
 that our Saviour was crucified on Friday and the next 
 day was kept holy as the Sabbath day, but in making 
 the revision, the Sabbath day was dropped and Sun- 
 day was given its place, being the second day after 
 the crucifixion. Over sixty per cent of the inhabit- 
 ants of the world still cling to the Julian calendar 
 and will not acknowledge the Gregorian version. 
 
 THERE IS NO SUCH PLACE AS KLONDIKE 
 Of far away Alaska, where the famous Yukon river 
 flows north, where poor men become rich over night, 
 hundreds of interesting novels have been written, in 
 which a great many attempts have been made to cor- 
 rect the misuse of the word Klondike as applied to 
 that country by people who never were there. Why 
 call it Klondike? The prospector from "inside," re- 
 turning to the "States," may call it that to better 
 make it understood where he came from, but back in 
 that country it is only known to him as the Yukon. 
 
 The word "Klondike" does not mean a country nor 
 a location. It belongs to the Indian gibberish of 
 
52 THE FERRET 
 
 Alaska and the Yukon district, and means "hello," or 
 "rich find,*' or "joy,*' or "hearty greeting." There- 
 fore, when the Indians found the gold on Bonanza 
 creek in the Yukon Territory (which belongs to Can- 
 ada, not Alaska), they went to the town of Forty 
 Mile, Alaska, down the Yukon River, and exclaimed: 
 "Klondike! Klondike!" meaning rich find, and lots 
 of joy. One word of the Indian gibberish may cover 
 fifty or sixty different meanings. "Chee-cha-ko" 
 means greenhorn, newcomer, fool, softy and any num- 
 ber of similar appellations. "Skookum" means strong, 
 healthy, hearty, good looking, etc. A grunt from an 
 Indian in that country expresses an entire vocabulary. 
 It all depends upon the way he grunts. So when the 
 Indians used the word Klondike in the Yukon Terri- 
 tory, they did not mean to name this section Klon- 
 dike, but simply gave expression to their joy over a 
 rich find. The proper name of the place is Dawson 
 City, Yukon Territory, Canada. If one were to send 
 a letter to Klondike, it would be returned for proper 
 address. Although there is a very small river or 
 creek named Klondike, no town or section bears that 
 name. No gold was ever taken out of the Klondike 
 River, nor any mining done on that creek, for there 
 was not enough of the yellow metal to warrant it. 
 Such a district as Klondike is not shown on any 
 United States government map nor on any Canadian 
 map; but it does appear on our school geography, 
 which is not authentic. Now, in the first place, there 
 is no Klondike; and in the second, the place referred 
 to as Klondike is not in Alaska, but in Canada. 
 
 ESKIMO RELIGION 
 The native religion of the Alaskan Eskimo is rein- 
 carnation through birth. They believe that the spirit 
 
THE FERRET 53 
 
 of some of their ancestors return in their children, 
 therefore their children are never punished for fear 
 they are wronging some deceased relative. Part of 
 their religion is to beat a tom-tom until the fierce 
 wind stops blowing, and if they beat it long enough 
 it eventually stops through natural causes, then they 
 give the credit to the Great Spirit, and their effort. 
 
 RELIGION OF MOHAMMED— WAS MOHAMMED 
 THE FOUNDER? 
 
 Mohammed was not the originator of the great 
 religious system bearing his name, although a great 
 many of the prophet's ideas were later embodied in 
 the Koran, or Bible of Islam. A poem by the famous 
 Persian poet, Tarafa, of the tribe of Bakr, suggested 
 the moral, political and religious philosophy which, 
 through the untiring zeal of Mohammed, now bears 
 his name. But one, Omar Al-Khattab, the second of 
 the Mohammedan Caliphs, who was familiar with and 
 an authority on the poem — foundation of the religion 
 of Islam — can be said to be the real originator of 
 Moslemism. 
 
 The poem in question is one of the golden poems 
 said to be still hanging in the Ka'ba, at Mecca, Arabia, 
 the Holy City of the Mohammedan world. Omar 
 reigned over Islam and saw Mohammedanism trans- 
 formed from a religious to an imperial power. It was 
 under Omar that we see the Islamic conquest of Syria 
 and of Palestine, of Egypt and the Persians at Neha- 
 mend. Omar was assassinated by a Persian slave in 
 644, leaving no successor, but only a body of six 
 Nuhajirum, who selected a new Caliph. Omar was 
 much wiser and more far-sighted than Mohammed 
 ever dreamed of being. It was he who built the great 
 
54 THE FERRET 
 
 Mosque of Omar, in Jerusalem, which contains the 
 grreat rock worshipped by the Mohammedans as the 
 scene of the prophet's (Mohammed) assent to heaven. 
 This same rock is also regarded by the Jews as the 
 site of the supposed sacrifice of Isaac. 
 
 Western writers, together with a few jealous, non- 
 Islamic easterners, have been at pains to prove the 
 great Mohammed as the real founder of the religious 
 system bearing his name. But these claims are not 
 borne out by the facts as related by the (alleged) 
 prophet's contemporaries. Many of the most enlight- 
 ened and best educated men and women in the Mo- 
 hammedan lands of today claim Omar as the founder 
 of their faith. Indeed, according to the Parsees, 
 Mohammed was not even the so-called prophet's name. 
 In the "Histoire des Arabes," p. 90, 1912, the author 
 claims that Mohammed's name remains unknown, or 
 possibly was Kutham. Again, there is no record 
 whatever of the birth of Mohammed. The traditional 
 date, 570 A.D., could not be correct, as equally good 
 authority connects his birth with "The Year of the 
 Elephant." As far as the name and birth of Mo- 
 hammed are concerned, we are as much at sea as 
 we are with respect to the name and date of birth 
 of Jesus of Nazareth. Finally, to explode an error 
 we have often heard expressed, Mohammedanism was 
 not founded to offset the beliefs of the Jews, as this 
 race at the time were confined to other geographical 
 regions and were practically savage compared with 
 the Islamic peoples. Some Hindoos say that the so- 
 called Mohammed was a renegade fugitive Jew, who 
 was never known to wash his face, something the 
 Jews of that time considered unnecessary. The old- 
 fashioned Jews of Jerusalem and the swarming Jews 
 
THE FERRET 55 
 
 in the Ghettos of Russian cities seldom wash, claim- 
 ing that Mohammed, **the good old Jew," taught the 
 people of his time that "water was wet" and shouldn't 
 be indulged in too frequently by good Hebrews. 
 
 THE JEWS DID NOT CRUCIFY JESUS 
 The Roman soldiers, by order of Pontius Pilate, 
 were forced to perform this act. The Jews had been 
 conquered by the Romans, and Jesus was supposed 
 to be their leader. Aside from the Saviour himself 
 there was not a Jew present at the crucifixion. The 
 authority for this is based on ancient history, Bible 
 of Moses, the Holy Bible, and the History of Jeru- 
 salem, by Josephus. 
 
 Why tell your children there is a Santa Claus, and 
 in the same connection tell them the Story of the 
 Cross, for when they find out that there is no Santa 
 Claus won't they be apt to also doubt the Story of 
 the Cross? 
 
 BUDDHA WAS NOT AN IDOL 
 
 The word Buddha does not signify an idol, but is 
 derived from the Pali (Chinese) word "boodho," 
 meaning enlightened, wise, and may be applied to any 
 great teacher. There were many such before the ap- 
 pearance of Guatama, to whom we apply the name. 
 The tradition is that when no Buddha is on earth, 
 true religion decays, but is revived when a new 
 Buddha arises. The Buddha who is generally referred 
 to under that name was a distinguished prince of 
 Aryan descent, the son of a king of the class of the 
 Guantenamas, ruling an old Hindu kingdom at the 
 foot of the Nepaulese mountains, some one hundred 
 miles north of Benares. As an Aryan, the prince was 
 
56 THE FERRET 
 
 taught to look with contempt upon the Turanian in- 
 habitants and to keep his caste pure, but Buddha, 
 with his wide-reaching sympathies, broke through 
 this restraint and preached the equality of races. He 
 is supposed to have been born B.C. 622, to have 
 acquired the title Buddha in 580, and to have died 
 in 543. Though deified by his admiring followers, he 
 himself never claimed divine honors. Buddhism was 
 dominant in India for one thousand years, but when 
 it became corrupt, Brahminism prevailed over it and 
 almost extinguished it on the Indian continent, al- 
 though it continues to predominate in Ceylon, Thibet 
 and Burmah. 
 
 MORMON IS NOT A RELIGION 
 Mormon means the head of a household. It is a 
 Turkish word meaning master of his house, and is 
 applicable whether the man has one wife, many wives, 
 or none at all. If he is the master of his home he is 
 the mormon of his household. 
 
 The word mormon is also used by the semi-savage 
 people on the vast, empty stretches of Northern Aus- 
 tralia. The word means flesh food, such as beef, 
 mutton or even fish, in the language of these wild 
 Australian aborigines. The natives of Central Borneo 
 also use this word in referring to their widows. 
 
 BRIGHAM YOUNG WAS THE GREATEST COLO- 
 NIZER 
 Brigham Young was the greatest colonizer in the 
 world. He not only placed under cultivation more 
 land than any other colonizer, but he civilized more 
 Indians, and what is most remarkable he accomplished 
 this without bloodshed. He had twenty-one wives. 
 The statement that he had forty-two is not correct. 
 
THE FERRET 57 
 
 DAYS OF WEEKS AND MONTHS HAVE PAGAN 
 
 NAMES 
 It is a fact worthy of contemplation that not a day 
 in the week nor a month in the year bears a Chris- 
 tian name. Sunday is named for the sun god; Mon- 
 day for the moon ; Saturday f or^ Saturn, and so on. 
 As to the monthly divisions of the solar year, July 
 and August are named after the Roman emperors 
 of those names, the remaining months being named 
 after various pre-Christian gods and Roman mathe- 
 matical divisions. Moreover, not an orb in the firma- 
 ment bears a Christian name. The Sun, Mars, Sat- 
 urn, Jupiter, Uranus, Venus and Neptune were named 
 by our pagan ancestors, and still remain so named. 
 
 ILLEGAL MARRIAGES 
 A white person married to an Indian, a Japanese, 
 a Chinaman or a negro, under the laws of California, 
 would not be recognized as husband and wife, but the 
 United States and Japanese governments have not as 
 yet arrived at a decision as to whether or not a 
 Japanese can be classed as a Mongolian. 
 
 DR. OSLER DID NOT MAKE THE STATEMENT 
 
 THAT MEN SHOULD BE CHLOROFORMED 
 
 AT THE AGE OF SIXTY 
 
 A letter received from the John Hopkins Univer- 
 sity, May 16th, 1919, reads as follows: 
 
 "The statement that Dr. Osier recommended the 
 chloroforming of everyone at the age of sixty is in- 
 correct, and affords an excellent example of the harm 
 done by careless newspaper reporting and the impos- 
 sibility of correcting errors thus promulgated. 
 
58 THE FERRET 
 
 I remember exactly the circumstances under which 
 the supposed remarks were made. On February 22, 
 1904, Dr. Osier made the chief address at the com- 
 memoration day exercises of the John Hopkins Uni- 
 versity and dealt particularly with university training. 
 Among other things, he stated that the average man 
 in a university would show what he could do before 
 the age of forty, and that a man who had reached 
 that age without doing good work was extremely un- 
 likely to do better in the future. Furthermore, he 
 said that while he was not prepared to endorse the 
 recommendation of Trollope, that all men reaching 
 the age of sixty should be chloroformed, he did hold 
 that men who had reached that age without accom- 
 plishing results would be extremely unlikely to do so 
 later. 
 
 Dr. Osier at that time was professor of medicine in 
 the Johns Hopkins University, which he left to be- 
 come regius professor of medicine in the University 
 of Oxford in 1905. Yours very truly, 
 
 (Signed) J. Whitridge Williams, Dean." 
 
 The most highly educated people we have are forced 
 out of positions and very often out of our country by 
 lying, ignorant newspaper reporters. Dr. Osier, with- 
 out a doubt, was one of the best instructors in medi- 
 cine that America ever had. After a varied educa- 
 tional career at Trinity University, Toronto, Canada, 
 the university colleges of London, Berlin and Vienna, 
 he became professor of physiology and pathology at 
 McGill University, Montreal, and later, as stated 
 above, he was appointed professor of medicine at 
 Johns Hopkins University, leaving this country in 
 1905 for England to become regius professor of medi- 
 cine in the University of Oxford. 
 
THE FERRET 59 
 
 The late Dr. Osier took up permanent British citi- 
 zenship. In this way he escaped the stigma caused 
 in America by the deliberate error in the reporting 
 of this now famous address. Very likely the news- 
 paper reporter had never heard of Anthony Trollope 
 whom Osier said he did not agree with. Possibly 
 others have not, therefore we present a brief history 
 of this irrational man. 
 
 ANTHONY TROLLOPE 
 
 Anthony Trollope was one of the most curious as 
 well as romantic characters in literature, travel and 
 romance. Born in England, his early days were 
 marked by an incessant struggle against poverty. 
 While he was yet young his ambitious and clever 
 mother brought him to the United States, where to- 
 gether they opened a little fancy-goods shop in Cin- 
 cinnati. During Mrs. Trollope's enterprise in the 
 American city she wrote a book on the "Domestic 
 Manners of the Americans," which so incensed the 
 American people that she was obliged to return to 
 England. Anthony was then given a position as postal 
 clerk in a remote part of Ireland, with a very small 
 salary. This, however, did not satisfy the ambitions 
 and romantic Anthony, for he always held a grievance 
 against his father who, in spite of his good education 
 for that time, had made a conspicuous failure so far 
 as accumulating money was concerned; so he set 
 about advocating the destruction of all humans of 
 his father's age and status of material unprosperity. 
 According to good authority, Trollope would wander 
 through the crowded market-villages of Banagher 
 and Clonmel, stopping here and there among the bar- 
 terers for the purpose of discussing his distorted 
 
60 THE FERRET 
 
 "Malthusianism" with those whom he judged by per- 
 sonal appearance to be fit subjects for summary ob- 
 literation. From Ireland, Anthony was sent on post- 
 office business to the West Indies, and afterwards on a 
 similar errand to Egjrpt. In both foreign lands he 
 continued to advocate his pet theory that all humans 
 after a certain age should be destroyed. Anthony 
 Trollope, claiming to be a Malthusian, distorted the 
 teachings of Malthus. 
 
 THE APOCRYPHA 
 
 The word Apocrypha, which is associated in the 
 minds of most of us with certain books of the Old 
 Testament, fourteen in number, which are referred 
 to in the thirty-nine articles of the English Church 
 as "read for example of life and instruction of man- 
 ners, but not to establish any doctrine," really means 
 things hidden or concealed. It is probably because 
 the date and authorship of these books are unknown 
 that they were so named. The Old Testament Apo- 
 crypha (there is also a New Testament Apocrypha) 
 was written during the last two centuries B.C., and 
 the Jews never accorded them any place in the Old 
 Testament canon, but they were inserted in the Sept- 
 uaguit (Gr. trans, of the Hebrew of Old Testament), 
 made by seventy select translators and thence passed 
 to the Latin Vulgate. Portions of them are still 
 appointed to be read in church on days other than 
 Sunday. It is interesting to know that this word, 
 derived from the Greek "apo" — from — and "kryptein" 
 — ^to bite — is not only applied to these books of the 
 Old and New Testaments, but to any fabulous or 
 untrustworthy story, or to writings suitable for the 
 initiated only, or which are spurious. The Apocrypha 
 
THE FERRET 61 
 
 was eliminated from our English Bible in about 1700 
 by Pope Gregory. 
 
 MEANING OF THE WORD ORTHODOX 
 Orthodox does not necessarily refer to Christianity. 
 To be orthodox, a person need not be a follower of 
 any particular faith or creed, but if he has one belief, 
 one idea, and follows it straight ahead with no varia- 
 tion he is orthodox. For instance, if a man is always 
 a Republican without variation he is an orthodox 
 Republican, but if he is a Republican one time. Demo- 
 crat another, Prohibition another, he becomes hetero- 
 dox. Likewise heterodox has no special reference to 
 any creed or opposition thereto. A man may be 
 changeable in doctrines along any line of subjects 
 taught and be heterodox. 
 
 MEANING OF THE WORD BIBLE 
 A bible is a combination under one cover of any 
 number of books on any subject, written by various 
 men. The word bible means books — (from the Ec- 
 clesiastical Greek biblis, a diminutive of bibles, signi- 
 fying the inner bark of the papyrus). Thus, a bible 
 meant originally any book made of papyrus paper, and 
 not necessarily the word of God. The latter should 
 rightfully be called the Holy Bible at all times. There 
 are over fifty-two bibles, such as the King James 
 Bible, the Roman Catholic Bible, the Koran, the Book 
 of Smith, Mrs. Eddy's Science and Health, and many 
 others. None of these, however, claim to take the 
 place of the Holy Bible, but are written, according to 
 their theories, as explanations thereof. 
 
62 THE FERRET 
 
 A MARTYR 
 
 A martyr is one who suffers for his belief. In other 
 words, he is a "witness" to the truth. The word is 
 of Greek derivation, meaning "witness," so in case 
 one is subpoenaed as a witness he would rightfully be 
 called a martyr. 
 
 KING JAMES' VERSION OF THE HOLY BIBLE 
 IS NOT COMPLETE 
 The King James* version of the Holy Bible is not a 
 true one, because he not only omitted the Apocrypha, 
 but incorporated therein an excuse for divorce, be- 
 sides many other mistakes, which are excused by the 
 fluent tongues of ministers. 
 
 VARYING MEANINGS OF THE WORD CATHOLIC 
 There are two distinct definitions of the word ca- 
 tholic. Used as an adjective, it means universal, lib- 
 eral; as a noun, it refers to a person who accepts the 
 creeds which are believed in common by all Christian 
 churches, including the Roman and Greek Catholic 
 churches. However, the Roman Catholics have an 
 entirely different form of worship, and to correctly 
 refer to this particular church one should specify the 
 Roman Catholic Church. 
 
 RELIGION AND CHRISTIANITY ARE NOT AL- 
 WAYS THE SAME 
 Religion and Christianity are not always the same. 
 A man may have a religion that does not in any way 
 embrace Christianity. He may never be connected 
 with any Christian belief, and yet his religion may 
 be to do right by his fellow man; to be honest and 
 contribute his money to the poor; or, for example, 
 
THE FERRET 63 
 
 he may be a member of some, or all, of the secret 
 orders, which might constitute his religion. In other 
 words, religion is the predominating idea or thought 
 which governs a man's life. 
 
 THE WORD DEMOCRACY DOES NOT MEAN 
 FREEDOM 
 
 The authentic meaning of democracy is a govern- 
 ment ruled by the people within a republic, and when 
 that government is no longer ruled by the people it 
 ceases to be a democracy, but becomes at once a 
 monarchy. 
 
 A CANDIDATE DOES NOT MEAN A POLITICIAN 
 The original meaning of the word candidate is lost 
 sight of by the politician of today. Literally it means 
 white and shining, from the Latin candidus (white), 
 and candere (to shine). Those seeking office in an- 
 cient Rome vested themselves in white togas, pre- 
 sumably a symbol of the purity of their intentions. 
 
 LAWBREAKERS 
 All persons who take the law into their own hands 
 are outlaws. All those using or twisting laws to 
 profit thereby personally are outlaws. Also judges 
 who misconstrue the law's import for ulterior motives 
 are, likewise, lawbreakers. 
 
 THE LAW DOES NOT EXCUSE IGNORANCE- 
 THERE IS NO SUCH CODE 
 There is no code in law such as is often quoted, 
 "The law does not excuse ignorance," but in 21 Cyclo- 
 pedia of Law and Procedure, 1726^ it reads as follows : 
 'Ignorantia Juris Non Excusat." A maxim meaning 
 
64 THE FERRET 
 
 is "Ignorance of the law is no excuse." At the same 
 time, law does excuse ignorance, but does not excuse 
 ignorance of the law. 
 
 ERRORS IN DICTIONARIES 
 A dictionary should be written by various men with 
 actual knowledge on different subjects, then such 
 errors as a mountain ibex pictured as a mountain 
 sheep, a Jew described as an infidel, a kid described 
 as a young child, and other similar errors, would not 
 appear in our modern dictionaries. 
 
 IT WAS NOT A WHALE THAT SWALLOWED 
 JONAH 
 There is no real reason to draw the conclusion that 
 the fish that swallowed Jonah was a whale, because 
 in the second chapter of the book of Jonah it merely 
 says that the Lord prepared a large fish to perform 
 that office. It is not at all reasonable to assume that 
 it was a whale, for zoology tells us that the whale's 
 throat is only three inches in diameter. 
 
 THE COMPASS DOES NOT POINT NORTH 
 While the compass is an instrument to determine 
 direction, yet it does not point north. It points to 
 the magnetic pole, which is 2,000 miles from north, 
 either east or west, according to location, and changes 
 from year to year. Surveyors say that in the United 
 States a compass points the nearest to north in the 
 states of Ohio and Kentucky. 
 
 NATIVE RED MEN OF UNITED STATES ARE 
 
 NOT INDIANS 
 The name of Indian was applied by Christopher Co- 
 lumbus, because when he landed at San Salvador 
 
THE FERRET 65 
 
 Island he there discovered swarthy red men who re- 
 sembled Hindus. Taking it for granted that he had 
 landed in India, he naturally called the natives Indian. 
 In later years, it having been proved that he was 
 mistaken in his location, the error was corrected, but 
 through neglect the application of the word Indian to 
 American red men was never corrected. Indians are 
 natives of India only. 
 
 SITTING BULL WAS NOT AN INDIAN CHIEF 
 Sitting Bull, who is often given the title of Indian 
 chief, which is generally accepted as a historical fact, 
 was really a medicine man. The chief's toga was 
 placed upon his brow by the American soldiers, for 
 they recognized him as the voluntary leader of his 
 tribe, upon the sudden death of the chief, who was 
 killed in action. 
 
 STEFANSSON IS NOT THE REAL DISCOVERER 
 OF THE BLONDE ESKIMO 
 Stefansson is not the real discoverer of the blonde 
 Eskimo. They were discovered and talked of hun- 
 dreds of years before Stefansson was known. There 
 were even books and writings on these people pre- 
 vious to his declaration of discovery. 
 
 INGERSOLL WAS NOT AN INFIDEL 
 Colonel Robert Ingersoll, better known as "Bob" 
 Ingersoll, was one of the most brilliant men of our 
 day. Like all truly great people, he has been accused 
 of saying things which he never even thought of. 
 Ingersoll has been accused of being an infidel, which 
 is very, very far indeed from true. This accusation 
 was made by smaller men who were in no way the 
 equal of "Bob" in intellectual powers. 
 
66 THE FERRET 
 
 CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT DISCOVER 
 AMERICA 
 The real discoverer of America is still in doubt in 
 the minds of many. The Scandinavians claim that 
 Eric the Red discovered this continent, and sent a 
 report of the fact to Sweden long before the famous 
 voyage of Columbus in 1492. As far as Columbus is 
 concerned, he never knew that he had been credited 
 with making any such discovery, for when he landed 
 at San Salvador, in the West Indies, he was under 
 the impression that he had reached Asia, the goal of 
 his dreams, and he died not knowing there was such 
 a place as America. The only evidence that Amerigo 
 Vespucci, for whom America was named, made the 
 famous discovery is that he proclaimed himself the 
 discoverer, and if the historical dates are correct, then 
 he first landed on American soil somewhat earlier 
 than the claim of Columbus to the discovery of a new 
 route to India. However, Columbus did prove that 
 the earth is round. Furthermore, he discovered to- 
 bacco and introduced it into Spain, where it eventually 
 caused the downfall of this one-time powerful nation. 
 
 HOWE DID NOT INVENT A SEWING MACHINE 
 Howe did not invent a sewing machine, but he did 
 invent a sewing machine needle by putting the eye 
 next the point. For this reason his name became 
 famous and was leased by a company to be stenciled 
 on a sewing machine. The first one made in the 
 United States was invented by Rev. John A. Dodge, 
 of Vermont. Mr. Dodge never applied for a patent 
 nor attempted to manufacture any more machines, 
 for lack of time, and also because of bitter opposition 
 of the journeymen tailors, who denounced the ma- 
 
THE FERRET 67 
 
 chine as an invasion of their labor rights and an in- 
 vention of the devil. The first patent granted in 
 America on a sewing machine was to a man named 
 Lye in 1826, but it is not probable that it contained 
 any useful features, as it was never heard of again. 
 The first practical and commercially successful sew- 
 ing machines were produced simultaneously in the 
 years 1850-1852 by Isaac M. Singer, Allen B. Wilson, 
 Grover & Baker, and Wilcox & Gibbs. 
 
 SUPERSTITIONS IN REGARD TO WEATHER 
 Weather is the subject of a diversity of absurd 
 theories, among which may be ranked first the idea 
 that the government forecasters can predict its 
 changes. There is a belief, or superstition, that mild 
 winters follow a mild December — an unpleasant aug- 
 ury, if true. There are some who will not give our 
 universe any credit for the natural causes of rain. 
 Certain gases curdle certain moistures, which descend 
 in drops that we call rain, and there is nothing phe- 
 nomenal about it, just a natural process. 
 
 SENSATIONAL HOLD-UP FALLACIES 
 When we read of a hold-up the account sometimes 
 sets forth that the victim "found himself suddenly 
 looking into the muzzle of a forty-four." "A big 
 forty-four" is a phrase that lends tremendous melo- 
 dramatic interest to any kind of a story. It would 
 be especially important, if true; but the chances are 
 that there's not a hold-up man who would venture 
 outside in an unlighted street with such a revolver 
 in his hip pocket and risk walking half-way down the 
 block. 
 
 A .44-calibre revolver, six-shot, and with the short- 
 
68 THE FERRET 
 
 est type of barrel, measures fully ten inches in length, 
 with a cylinder almost two inches in diameter. On 
 the scale, empty, it weighs two pounds and nine 
 ounces. Six cartridges of .44-calibre bring the weight 
 close to two pounds and eleven ounces, net. 
 
 There isn*t a regulation tailored hip pocket which 
 would support such a weapon without constant danger 
 of its toppling out on the sidewalk. Ordinarily a man, 
 respectable or otherwise, is satisfied with a .32-caliber 
 weapon. Occasionally he may buy a .38. 
 
 THERE ARE NO MOGUL ENGINES IN PRACTI- 
 CAL USE 
 
 Once upon a time the Mogul type of locomotive was 
 used largely in freight traffic. It stood in the public 
 mind for all that was big and powerful and fast and 
 dramatic. So fixed in the public mind is the old 
 "Mogul" that nowadays when two limited trains with 
 the fast Atlantic type locomotive come together head- 
 on "the giant Moguls were reduced to scrap," is the 
 way the public wants it expressed. 
 
 One of the greatest bits of misinformation now 
 nursed regarding the locomotive is that in building 
 the modern railway engine to such height and size 
 the builders are acting upon a new discovery of a new 
 principle. 
 
 "You know," says the average distributor of this 
 "fact," "the designer once thought that the nearer 
 the rails the locomotive was the closer it would cling 
 to the track. Suddenly somebody woke up to the fact 
 that the bigger and heavier they were built the closer 
 they clung to the rails. That's why some of these 
 modern engines have drive wheels seven feet in di- 
 ameter." 
 
THE FERRET 69 
 
 But don't tell a railroad man that, unless you want 
 to earn his contempt. Locomotives have grown in 
 size and weight in order that steam power sufficient 
 to modem needs could be generated in their boilers. 
 They had to keep within certain bounds as to width 
 because of the distances already established between 
 parallel lines of rails, width of bridges and so forth. 
 
 A CHIFFONIER IS NOT NECESSARILY AN 
 ARTICLE OF FURNITURE 
 
 A chiffonier, to be strictly correct, is a scavenger 
 or street cleaner. The word itself is, of course, 
 French, and is derived from chiffon, which means a 
 piece of rag or flimsy cloth, and not the fine fabric 
 with which we are familiar. Scavengers of Paris for- 
 merly cleaned the streets and gutters with rags sup- 
 plied by the city, and they were called chiffoniers. 
 How the word chiffonier came to be used to denote 
 an article of furniture is that it was used for a catch- 
 all for rags and different small articles not in use 
 about the house. Therefore, it would be a household 
 scavenger. However, in order to disguise the name 
 scavenger, which sounds unpleasant, we have bor- 
 rowed from the French the word chiffonier and ap- 
 plied it to an article of furniture. 
 
 A HOGSHEAD IS NOT A LARGE BARREL 
 A hogshead is not a large barrel, but a stein made 
 in England, of Sussex or Bellevue pottery, to repre- 
 sent a hog. When it is empty it balances so to stand 
 on all four feet, but when filled it stands upright, and 
 one drinks from its head, hence it is called a hogs- 
 head. But like many other things I will mention here, 
 the late compilers of the dictionary, whose prestige 
 
70 THE FERRET 
 
 and power were far beyond their general knowledge 
 of the meanings of certain words, applied the word 
 hogshead to a large barrel. Dr. Johnson said of his 
 famous dictionary, completed in 1755, "That many 
 terms of art and manufacture are omitted must be 
 frankly acknowledged, but I could not visit caverns 
 to learn the miner's language, nor take a voyage to 
 perfect my skill in the dialect of navigation, nor visit 
 the warehouses of merchants and shops of artificers 
 to gain the names of wares, tools and operations." 
 
 LEAD PENCILS ARE NOT LEAD PENCILS 
 There are no real lead pencils in common use. It 
 has been about three hundred years since lead was 
 used in ordinary pencils. The use of the mineral lead 
 as a substance with which to make a more or less 
 black mark is entirely out of use. It was customary 
 to attach a piece of lead to the end of a slender piece 
 of ivory, and call it a lead pencil. In order to make 
 a more simple one, a strip of sheet lead, cut thin like 
 a shoestring and rolled with the sole of a shoe to 
 make it round, answered the purpose; then followed 
 the casing of "cedar" and the so-called "lead" pencil 
 of today. This modern pencil has not a vestige of 
 real lead in its make-up, but is composed of a con- 
 solidation under great pressure of the mineral plum- 
 bago (graphite), which makes a more distinct mark 
 than lead. 
 
 DIAMONDS ARE NOT INDESTRUCTIBLE 
 
 Diamonds will wear out, although to most people 
 
 they are the symbol of indestructibility. They cut 
 
 glass, to be sure, but they are worn down themselves 
 
 in the process. An engagement ring will often be 
 
THE FERRET 71 
 
 nicked around the edges by the time the wearer is a 
 bride. A small chip diamond, such as is required to 
 put in phonographs, is not worth over twenty-five 
 cents in actual value. 
 
 STEAM IS NOT STEAM 
 
 When water is subjected to the action of heat it is 
 converted into invisible gas. The white cloud that 
 arises from boiling water, which we call steam, is not 
 steam, but a vapor composed of minute particles of 
 water suspended in the air, and formed by the con- 
 densation of the true steam gas coming in contact 
 with the cool air, but when confined, before coming 
 in contact with either moisture or air, it is a gas, a 
 most powerful explosive when ignited. 
 
 Steam pressure will not explode a boiler. It will 
 open up a weak place and gradually escape. Gas 
 causes the explosion, and this gas is generated by 
 putting water into a hot, dry boiler. 
 
 CINDERELLA'S SLIPPERS 
 Cinderella is said to have worn glass slippers to the 
 famous ball at which she made her reputation. In 
 the old Eastern version she wore fur slippers. The 
 French translated it "pantoufle en vair," and the Eng- 
 lish translators mistook it for "pantoufle en vorre" 
 (glasii), which is pronounced the same. The English 
 have mistaken a great many other words and use 
 them in improper places. 
 
 THE CAR OF JUGGERNAUT 
 The Festival of Juggernaut, one of the several 
 Hindoo methods of honoring or worshipping their god 
 Vishnu, is not the barbaric, blood-thirsty thing we 
 
7^ THE FERRET 
 
 have been lead to believe it. On the contrary, it is 
 a beautiful ceremony, as religious ceremonies go, and 
 the famous car of Juggernaut is simply symbolical of 
 the Deity. The devotees of Vishnu do not throw 
 themselves beneath the ponderous wheels of Jugger- 
 naut in self-immolation. They content themselves 
 with low obeisance as the strange vehicle passes 
 along. 
 
 SNAKES IN IRELAND 
 
 The story of St. Patrick having driven the snakes 
 out of Ireland is a fanciful one — an old-wives' fable. 
 The only fauna ever known to exist in Ireland are 
 those which the Irish, like ourselves, have domesti- 
 cated — the horse, donkey, common dog, rabbits, hares 
 and ferrets. Reptiles have never existed there; and 
 the only birds-of-prey ever known to have their habi- 
 tat on the green island were a few eagles ; these were 
 in the neighborhood of the famous lakes of Killamey. 
 To talk of snakes not being able to live in Ireland 
 because of their alleged banishment by St. Patrick 
 is mere humbug. Professional snake charmers have 
 performed in Irish cities times without number in the 
 last fifty years, and there is no instance on record of 
 their repetilian charges having succumbed on their 
 hands. 
 
 If this snake-story Is true, St. Patrick must have 
 visited Alaska and the Yukon Territory, as well as 
 other far and wide parts of the globe, where reptiles 
 have never existed. 
 
 The world is full of delusions, entirely apart from 
 the great mass of superstitions, which in themselves 
 form a class. Superstition is blind belief — ^belief in 
 a thing without the shadow of proof or foundation. 
 
THE FERRET 73 
 
 If you knew a thing for absolute certainty, you would 
 not say "I believe it is so," but would say with surety 
 "It is so." 
 
 THE HEART IS NOT OxN THE LEFT SIDE 
 If we ask ten averagely well-informed persons in 
 turn to locate their hearts, at least nine of them — 
 and probably all of them — will place their hands well 
 around on the left side, or on the left breast up tow- 
 ards the shoulder. Of course every one knows that 
 the heart is on the left side! But it just happens 
 that it is not. The most muscular chamber, the left 
 ventricle, is on the left side of the heart, and the 
 largest artery, the aorta, arches over to the left, the 
 point being directed toward the left; and these con- 
 ditions make the beating of the heart more readily 
 felt on the left side. Nevertheless, should we care- 
 fully slice ouselves directly through the center of the 
 breastbone a larger portion of the heart would go out 
 with the right side than with the left. 
 
 WE DO WEIGH MORE AFTER EATING 
 We often hear the expression, "Isn't it strange that 
 a person weighs no more after a hearty meal than 
 before ?" It would be strange, indeed, if it were true ; 
 but it isn't. If one eats two pounds of dinner, he will, 
 immediately thereafter, weigh very nearly two pounds 
 more than he did just before, as any good scale will 
 show. The reason that one would not weigh exactly 
 two pounds more is that the body is constantly losing 
 weight, whether one is eating or not, by perspiration 
 and by the moisture and dioxide gas exhaled from the 
 lungs. A person of average weight will lose about 
 two pounds in a Turkish bath. 
 
74 THE FERRET 
 
 A WOMAN DOES NOT HAVE MORE RIBS THAN 
 
 A MAN 
 Very frequently do we hear the assertion that wo- 
 man has one more — or, rather, that man has one less 
 — rib than woman, this being based upon the Biblical 
 account of the creation of Adam and Eve. An ex- 
 amination of a normal skeleton will convince anyone 
 of this error. Both men and women are duly provided 
 with twelve pairs of ribs. 
 
 A PERSON IS TALLER IN THE MORNING 
 The very wise among us smile knowingly when 
 some one offers the * 'foolish" assertion that a person 
 is taller in the morning than in the evening. But 
 just try it. Between the twenty-four vertebrae of 
 the backbone are little disks of cartilage, which dur- 
 ing the course of the day are considerably compressed 
 by the weight of the body, then expanding again when 
 the body is in a recumbent position. In the case of 
 a heavy man of good average height, the difference 
 in his height at morning and evening Is generally 
 about half an inch. 
 
 RESULT OF BATHING WHEN WARM 
 
 We often hear the caution, "Don't go into the water 
 until you have become cooler!" this being specially 
 directed to swimmers and bathers. The kindly dis- 
 posed who utter this caution are not quite sure just 
 what would happen if, when heated, one should plunge 
 into the stream or surf, but they feel that it would 
 be something very dreadful, in which they disagree 
 with the expert advice: "Bathe when the body is 
 warm, provided no time is lost in getting into the 
 
THE FERRET 75 
 
 water. Avoid bathing when the body is cooling after 
 perspiration." 
 
 THE TRUTH ABOUT FALLING 
 
 When some unfortunate workman falls from a great 
 height there is always someone to say: "Well, he 
 probably didn't feel it when he struck." There is 
 little or no basis for this belief (superstition) that 
 a person is dead or unconscious at the end of a long 
 fall. Surviving jumpers from Brooklyn bridge prove 
 this, and that a person retains consciousness is shown 
 by the case of the English boy who fell down a pit 
 some 250 feet and shouted three times on the way 
 down. One theory is that a person falling would not 
 be able to breathe, but a train at sixty miles an hour 
 is moving faster than one would move falling 100 
 feet or so, and no one pretends that a person would 
 die of suffocation if he puts his head out of a train 
 window. Furthermore, one could fall from the top 
 of a very lofty building, like the Singer structure in 
 New York, in six seconds, whereas one can hold his 
 breath for many times that space of time. 
 
 CATS DO NOT SUCK BABIES' BREATH 
 
 That cats inhale the breath out of sleeping babies 
 is an old absurdity that will not die. The human race 
 is intelligent enough in this day and generation to 
 understand electric lights and the wireless, airplanes 
 and automobiles; but one occasionally hears someone 
 tell of a baby who has been killed by a cat in the 
 above-mentioned manner. The fact is, the cat, liking 
 a warm place to lie, has jumped into the baby's bed 
 and suffocated the occupant by lying on it. The aver- 
 
76 THE FERRET 
 
 age infant is less in weight than the average cat and 
 is scarcely able to drive a cat away. 
 
 TEETH DO NOT BLEED 
 When we speak of teeth bleeding we really mean 
 that the gums are bleeding. 
 
 THERE IS NO DEATH AGONY 
 There is no such thing as a death agony. People 
 sometimes die in agony, but the agony is a cause or 
 a coincident, not a result. 
 
 ANIMALS' TEETH ARE NOT POISONOUS 
 Nails and teeth of animals are not in themselves 
 poisonous. A scratch or bite from a dog or cat may 
 prove poisonous, but only because some impurity or 
 germ has been deposited in the ugly wound that re- 
 sults, but when a serpent bites it discharges a special 
 poison, which is secreted in glands. 
 
 QUININE IS AN ANTIDOTE FOR WHISKEY 
 Whiskey and quinine will not act on the human 
 system at the same time. Either the one or the other 
 will predominate, rendering the other useless. The 
 remedy is as much out of date as bleeding. 
 
 FISH IS NOT A BRAIN FOOOD 
 An assertion that we hear repeatedly given forth 
 with great solemnity is "Fish is a brain food." There 
 is, however, no foundation whatever for the belief 
 (superstition) that fish contains any particular ele- 
 ments that adapt them especially as food for the 
 brain, or as a support for mental effort. The value 
 of fish as food to persons engaged in mental labor is 
 
THE FERRET 77 
 
 found in the fact that it does not contain large quan- 
 tities of substances that demand much physical exer- 
 cise or exertion for their assimilation. As the brain- 
 worker is seldom physically active, the value of fish 
 as food for him is due to what is not contained in 
 the fish. 
 
 DRIED CODFISH IS NOT CODFISH 
 
 Codfish has so long been a scarce sea food that 
 there has not been enough to supply the demand, so 
 that hake and haddock, which are very similar in 
 appearance and taste, have to a large extent taken its 
 place, as well as its name. This same circumstance 
 applies to canned tuna. When tuna becomes scarce, 
 any old fish in cans may be sold under that name. 
 
 SALT IS NOT SALT AT ALL 
 
 Your salt-cellar really contains chloride of sodium 
 instead of the real salt. Except in some parts of the 
 European continent, where rock salt is still used and 
 whittled off the lump as it is needed, it has been 
 entirely supplanted by chloride of sodium extracted 
 from the salt water. 
 
 PEPSIN IS NOT A FLAVOR 
 
 Pepsin is made from the stomach lining of hogs, 
 sheep and calves. When dried and pulverized it forms 
 a yellowish white powder, which, in combination with 
 proteoses, is used as a digestive. Beeman was the 
 first to use it in chewing gum, and often when one 
 asks for pepsin gum the clerk is under the impression 
 that peppermint gum is referred to. 
 
78 THE FERRET 
 
 HAM IS NOT HAM AT ALL 
 Ham does not rightfully refer to meat, but derives 
 its name from the crook or bend in the hog's hind 
 leg. The word really refers to the "ham" or joint in 
 the bone. 
 
 SWEET OIL IS NOT SWEET OIL 
 Sweet oil really is the oil extracted from olives, 
 commonly known as olive oil. Very often druggists 
 have supplied linseed oil where sweet oil is ordered, 
 but recently they have received instructions from the 
 federal government not to sell any other but olive oil 
 where sweet oil is called for. 
 
 THERE ARE NO SWEET POTATOES 
 A sweet potato, by proper name, does not exist. 
 What we of the United States are pleased to call the 
 sweet potato is none other than the yam of the 
 Pyrenees. The first of the kind were brought to the 
 United States by some returning travelers. However, 
 the yam of the Pyrenees — our so-called sweet potato 
 — must not be confused with the true yam, which is 
 strictly a product of the peculiar soil of tropical Asia 
 and Africa, where it grows in great abundance and 
 to great perfection. 
 
 IRISH POTATOES ARE NOT IRISH POTATOES 
 Long before its advent in European countries, the 
 potato was a staple food in America. It was probably 
 indigenous from Chili to Mexico. In 1563 it was car- 
 ried from Virginia to Ireland by Sir John Hawkins. 
 From Peru it was taken to Spain, and thence to the 
 Netherlands and Burgundy and other European points 
 early in the sixteenth century. Its importance as a 
 
THE FERRET 79 
 
 vegetable was not recognized, however, until 1856, 
 when Sir Walter Raleigh, of Youghal, County Cork, 
 Ireland, instructed his gardener to plant them in his 
 kitchen garden, telling him they were a fine fruit 
 from America. Through the exertions of Raleigh the 
 potato was developed in quality and popularity as a 
 food to such an extent in Ireland that its cultivation 
 spread into England, where it became known as the 
 *'Irish potato." The potato mentioned by early Eng- 
 lish writers before the seventeenth century was the 
 same as the Spanish batata, or potato, which was first 
 discovered in Colombia, South America, growing on 
 the Andes mountains, where they can still be found 
 growing wild. Therefore, they are an American 
 (Spanish) potato, not Irish. 
 
 OPIUM IS NOT A PRODUCT OF CHINA 
 
 Opium, the earliest drug used by dissatisfied man 
 to deaden his nerves and lull his mind to forgetful- 
 ness and pleasant imagination, is not, as is commonly 
 supposed, an indigenous product of China. In reality, 
 its original home is in Southern Europe. It was well 
 known to the Greeks about the time of Dioscorides, 
 A.D. 77. The use of the drug was later introduced 
 into India by the great Mogul, first as a means of 
 adding to his wealth, and secondly to lull his three 
 hundred million subjects into abject submission and 
 lethargy — a. lethargy that rendered them impotent to 
 overthrow him or to even question his rule. This 
 Mogul emperor caused the spread of the opium habit 
 to Persia and even to Turkey. Despite the Christian 
 missionary efforts of English churchmen, it must be 
 said, to the everlasting disgrace of English commerce, 
 that, through its dastardly instrumentality, this dread 
 
80 THE FERRET 
 
 opium drug was more firmly rooted in the habits of 
 the Chinese and Hindoo. It may surprise Christian 
 Americans to know that large areas of certain Mexi- 
 can states are used for extensive opium-poppy propa- 
 gation. The cultivation is done by imported Oriental 
 coolie labor, and American gamblers, smugglers, dis- 
 credited business men, ex-politicians and procurers of 
 the underworld buy up the output and distribute it 
 among their agents on the United States side, reap- 
 ing an enormous profit from the nefarious traffic. 
 
 OPIUM DOES NOT PRODUCE SLEEP 
 Some habitual users of opium become drowsy, but 
 none sleep under the influence of this narcotic. In 
 ninety-nine cases out of a hundred opium has a stim- 
 ulating influence on its victims, who are so far from 
 sleepiness that they may be spoken of as unbearably 
 wide awake. The soothing effects of the dread drug 
 are uncommon enough to be remarkable, in spite of 
 the common opinion that opium is taken as a sleeping- 
 draught. Those who smoke opium, a la Chinese, do 
 so for its strange, marvelous ability to work the im- 
 aginative faculty to the limit. The Chinese opium- 
 den smoker is transported, through an aromatically 
 poisoned imagination, to ravishing realms of fanciful 
 imagery. But he is far from sleep ; ask him any ques- 
 tion and he will answer you intelligently enough, if 
 you and he are not strangers, and he is not suspicious 
 of you. Opium eaters differ from opium smokers in 
 that they keep walking around, attending to business, 
 religious or domestic duties. This deadly opium habit 
 is formed by Orientals in their efforts to prevent dis- 
 ease, while Europeans and Americans usually resort 
 to the king of drugs when the disease is already upon 
 
THE FERRET 81 
 
 them. The habit is contracted either way. How opium 
 became known as a sleep-inducer we are at a loss to 
 understand, unless those foreigners who were first 
 granted an entrance to an Oriental opium den, upon 
 seeing the reclining position of the addicts, concluded 
 that they were either in a stupor or asleep. An opium 
 fiend will never resort to the opium pipe and lamp 
 in search of sleep or even rest. A large cup of cocoa- 
 tina, made from the outer crust of the cocoanut shell, 
 has more eflfect in encouraging sleep than opium ever 
 had, and the fiend is well aware of this fact. Indeed, 
 an ordinary cup of hot water — a mild opiate in itself 
 — has been known to lull thousands into more of a 
 narcotic sleep than could possibly be induced by any 
 amount of opium. Beer — common bar beer — is more 
 of a sleeping draught than opium. Our great mistake 
 is in supposing that the drug habit is peculiar to 
 China or any other part of the Orient. There is, sad 
 to relate, just as irresistible a craving for drugs in 
 America as there ever was in Asia. Where is the 
 American city or town without its "dope" colony? 
 Where is the American underworld clique without its 
 "dope" ring; and how long would our American cor- 
 ner drug-store exist without its narcotic and patent- 
 medicine customers? Lately, the Chinese government 
 has, by edict and otherwise, declared opium "taboo"; 
 and the teeming millions of India are at this moment 
 working like Trojans to overthrow the monster. What, 
 then, are we Christian Americans going to do about 
 "dope"? We have, through legislation, given King 
 Alcohol his walking ticket. Is it wise, then, to permit 
 "Kaiser" Dope to remain? 
 
82 THE FERRET 
 
 KNIGHTED BEEF 
 
 Who has heard of ennobled beef? Everybody. But 
 few have suspected the origin of its distinction, which 
 happened in this wise: 
 
 Henry VH of England had returned ravenously 
 hungry from a hunt in Windsor Great Park. In the 
 state dining room a great feast was prepared for his 
 majesty and his guests. The piece de resistance was 
 a great loin of beef. The luscious roast was so en- 
 joyed by the old king that, calling a servitor who 
 stood close to the royal person, and demanding that 
 a sword be forthwith brought in, Henry touched the 
 meat with the sword-tip, saying, "Henceforth be Sir 
 Loin." Hence the origin of our sirloin steak. 
 
 ABOUT THE WORD AND PLACE HELL 
 There is no equivalent in the "Chinese" language for 
 the Christian term "hell," nor in Hindoo, either. They 
 have no knowledge or history of any such place. 
 
 The Christian word hell is of comparatively modem 
 origin. The word was invented, together with the 
 place it is supposed to name, in an effort to frighten 
 the ignorant into abject subjection and obedience to 
 the will of organized religion. The only word in the 
 Christian Bible that could be construed to mean "hell" 
 is hades. Josephus says that hades is a "place in the 
 bowels of the earth into which the light of this world 
 does not enter." Modern Christians, however, who 
 have a common-sense grasp of the plain facts of the 
 universe have discarded this "hellish" theory. 
 
 POPULAR BELIEFS 
 To freeze a living thing means, to most minds, to 
 kill it. Yet all hardy plants can be frozen without 
 
THE FERKET 83 
 
 being injured. So can many insects, if they are not 
 broken while in that brittle state. In many parts of 
 the world it is believed that a snake will not die until 
 sunset, no matter how vigorously one hacks at it. If 
 by chance you kill the snake after sunset, according 
 to these theories, it would not die until sunrise, while 
 as a matter of fact it takes just so much time for the 
 flesh of the snake to stop its motion; in the same 
 manner it requires so much time for a chicken to 
 cease jumping after its head is cut off. 
 
 It is an old, old belief, or superstition, that cats see 
 better in the dark. They see better than we do, no 
 doubt; but that is not saying much. 
 
 There used to be a belief, or superstition, that rats 
 never went on a ship that was destined to founder 
 at sea. This has a fine supernatural ring; but, as a 
 matter of fact, has a good deal of truth at the bottom. 
 Unsea worthy vessels in the olden days were likely to 
 be leaky and contain much bilge-water. The rats 
 would naturally abandon such damp quarters for a 
 dryer berth. 
 
 When a woman opens a closet and a moth flies out 
 she thinks, as a rule, that the moth has been eating 
 her clothes. However, the fact is the creature does 
 its eating in the grub stage, and is harmless when it 
 has become a flying thing — save that it will produce 
 a numerous quantity of young to carry on the damag- 
 ing work. 
 
 The pendulum does not make the clock go ; it merely 
 makes it go evenly. 
 
 Many a person believes that a soft-boiled egg that 
 has been allowed to cool cannot be made hard by a 
 second boiling. Try it! 
 
84 THE FERRET 
 
 WHAT ARE FALLACIES? 
 Fallacy is from the Latin verb fallere, to deceive. 
 As psychologists tell us, fallacies proceed either from 
 reasoning falsely from correct premises or from rea- 
 sonly correctly from false premises. The greater part 
 of them, especially those held by children, are to be 
 ascribed to false reasoning from correct premises. 
 Children, it is needless to point out, are usually pro- 
 vided with plenty of imagination, and these imagina- 
 tions stick to some people all through life, for they 
 never take pains to investigate to see whether their 
 imaginations are right, but take great pleasure in 
 telling it to their children and grand-children. That 
 is how people become peasants. 
 
 ODD FACTS GLEANED FROM MANY SOURCES 
 
 There are two distinct United States histories used 
 in the public schools; one is taught in the North the 
 other in the South, and they contradict each other; 
 therefore, we have no authentic history of the United 
 States. 
 
 Harmonica is the Deutsch (German) name for the 
 mouth-harp, and that particular musical instrument 
 was manufactured only by Hohner of Deutschland. A 
 similar musical instrument made by the French is 
 called a French harp. Those made in America are 
 named mouth-harps or mouth-organs. But those im- 
 ported from Deutschland (Germany) are harmonicas. 
 
 There never was a peasant banished from Nova 
 Scotia or Arcadia. They were deported because they 
 refused to become loyal subjects to the King of Eng- 
 land, who had conquered the country in that year. 
 
 How many people know there was once a state of 
 Franklin within the limits of the United States? This 
 
THE FERRET 86 
 
 state of Franklin was a part of the present state of 
 Kentucky. The people became dissatisfied and were 
 given permission to separate from Kentucky, but two 
 or three years later the permission was revoked. This 
 occurred between 1787 and 1791. 
 
 Turkeys did not come from Turkey, but from North 
 America. The name was applied from the fact that 
 they were foreign birds when introduced into Europe 
 from the New World in 1530. Turkey at that time 
 was a vague term and often meant Tartary. 
 
 Irish stew is unknown in Ireland. There is a stew 
 made in Ireland which contains, besides meat, twenty 
 or thirty other ingredients. It is not called "Irish 
 stew," however. 
 
 Japanese tea trays are not in use in Japan. They 
 are only manufactured for the American and British 
 trade. 
 
 Great Dane dogs are unknown in Denmark. The 
 name is simply applied to a certain breed of dogs 
 raised in the United States. 
 
 Blacklead has no connection with lead, it being a 
 compound of carbon and iron. 
 
 Sealing-wax is not wax, nor does it contain a single 
 particle of wax. It is made of shellac, Venice turpen- 
 tine and cinnabar. 
 
 "Free gratis" is not a correct form of speech, as 
 free and gratis mean the same. 
 
 La grippe had its origin in France, "la" being the 
 French word for "the." Therefore, when you say you 
 have the la grippe you are not speaking correctly but 
 are simply using the same word in two languages. 
 
 Cuttle-bone is not bone, but a structure of pure 
 chalk imbedded loosely in the substance of a specie 
 of cuttle-fish. 
 
86 THE FERRET 
 
 Black and white are not colors. Black is dark and 
 white is light. 
 
 Galvanized iron is not galvanized. It is simply iron 
 coated with zinc. 
 
 Coppers and nickels are not legal tender. 
 
 Deutsch (German) silver is not silver, but a me- 
 tallic mixture, the composition of which was attrib- 
 uted to a native of Deutschland (Germany). However, 
 it cannot bear the "Made in Germany" stamp, as it 
 has been in use in Cathay (China) time out of mind. 
 
 Rice paper is not made from rice, but from the pith 
 of tungtsaw, or hollowplant, so-called because it is 
 hollow when the pith is removed. 
 
 Wormwood has nothing to do with worms or wood. 
 In fact it is a corrupted word, the original being "wor- 
 mod," a very bitter plant used in the manufacture of 
 absinthe, a strong drink, which eventually destroys 
 the mind of the user. 
 
 Natural mahogany wood is white until it is stained 
 red. 
 
 It has been over two hundred years since violin 
 strings have been made of cat-gut. They are manu- 
 factured by large packing houses, and are made of 
 sheep-gut. 
 
 There is no such thing as white gold. White gold 
 and green gold are manufactured by adulterating it 
 with quicksilver, zinc or various other things. All 
 pure gold is yellow. 
 
 The original name of gymnasium referred to a 
 school that was entirely devoted to education and was 
 not a place of physical training. 
 
 A bacon is a hog on foot. 
 
 Transpire and perspire have the same meaning. 
 
THE FERRET 87 
 
 POPULAR HISTORICAL INCIDENTS THAT 
 NEVER HAPPENED 
 
 History abounds in things that never happened. 
 
 Wellington never said, "Up, Guards, and at them!" 
 at the battle of Waterloo. 
 
 Dick Whittington never came to London with a cat. 
 
 William Tell never shot the apple off his son*s head. 
 In fact, such a person as William Tell never existed. 
 
 Horatius never defended the bridge. 
 
 The old story about Lady Godiva has been abso- 
 lutely disproved. 
 
 Mount Ararat was not a mountain, but a region. 
 
 George Washington never cut down a cherry tree, 
 nor did he throw a dollar across the Delaware River. 
 Martha Washington was not his legal wife; she 
 was his mother/ His wife's name was Mary. You 
 may know this, but there are thousands who do not. 
 
 POPULAR QUOTATIONS FALSELY ATTRIBUTED 
 TO THE HOLY BIBLE 
 Among popular quotations that are falsely attrib- 
 uted to the Holy Bible are these: 
 
 "God tempers the wind to the shorn lamb." The 
 origin of this is from Sterne's "Sentimental Journey 
 to Italy." 
 
 "In the midst of life we are in death." — Burial ser- 
 vice, originally from Luther. 
 
 "Cleanliness is akin to godliness." 
 "Little children, love ye one another." 
 Bibles still carry the date 4004 B.C. opposite the 
 first chapter of Genesis. But very few people of to- 
 day believe that the world was only 4000 years old 
 when Jesus was born. 
 
 ' ,* *\ * * » 
 
88 THE FERRET 
 
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