French s International Copyrighted (in England, her Colonies, and the United States) Edition of the Works of the Best Authors. No. J57 1 THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE BY MARGARET CAMERON COPYRIGHT, 1909, BY SAMUEL FRENCH 8 NOTICE. The professional acting rights of this play are reserved by the publisher, and permission for such performances must be obtained before performances ore given. This notice does not apply to amateurs, who may perform the play without permission. All professional unauthorized productions will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. PRICE 40 CENTS NEW YOKK SAMUEL FRENCH PUBI.l 35 WEST 4STH STREET LONDON SAMUEL FRENCH, Lm 26 SOUTHAMPTON STREET STRAND I UB SAN THE TEETH OF THE GIF! HORSE BY MARGARET CAMERON COPYRIGHT, 1909, BY SAMUEL FRENCH NOTICE The professional acting rights of this play are reserved bj the publisher, and permission for such performance! must b< obtained before performances are given. This notice does not aoply to amateurs, who may perform the play without permissiom. All professional unauthorized productions will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. NEW YORK SAMUEL FRENCH PUBLISHER WEST 45TH STREET LONDON SAMUEL FRENCH, LTD. 26 SOUTHAMPTON STRHET STRAND Printed m the Umttd States of America by TH RreMMONo HBO. BBeemi , RCHMOND Mtt-u. N.Y. THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE RICHARD BUTLEB. FLORENCE BUTLEB, His Wife. MABIETTA WILLIAMS, HIB Aunt. KATIE, The Maid. TIME: Present Day. PLACE: A Small Town Near New York Citj. THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE SCENE : Living room of the Butlers house in a suburb of New York. It is a tasteful apartment, in dull hues: subdued walls, dark rugs, Japanese prints and fine watercolors, a few good bronzes and pieces of rare pottery, some bits of fine brass, a handsome lamp or two, and plenty of books. There is also a mantel.* There are two doors, one at the back leading to the hall, and one down R., leading to the reception room. Down L. is a desk, with telephone exten sion. There is also a divan, with pillows. The furniture is all handsome and dark. Stage empty at rise. Telephone bell rings. Enter Florence, hurriedly, and takes receiver. FLO. Yes? . . . Hello! . . . Yes? . . . Yes, this is Mrs. Butler. . . . Who ? . . . Oh, Mrs. Lane! (eagerly) Yes? ... Oh (disap pointed) can t you find any trace of them? . . . Did you? You re a dear to take so much trouble. I ll do as much for you some day. (Katie appears at hall door, ushers in Anne Fisher, and hesitates. Anne sees Flo at telephone, nods to Katie in dismissal, and comes down unobserved.) FLO. (continues at telephone) Do you suppose it would do any good to Advertise? . . . No, I * l!i the absence of a mantel shelf, a bookcase may be substituted. 6 6 THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE suppose not. Still they might see it, you know. Somebody in town has those things, and if ifg pos sible to find them Oh, well, I ve simply got to find them! That s all there is about it! . . . No, I telephoned her. She doesn t know. . . . I think Anne Fisher might remember, but she s out of town. I telegraphed her this morning. ANNE. No, she isn t. FLO. (turning in surprise and delight) Oh, Anne! Heavens, but I m glad to see you! When did you get back ? ANNE. Just now unexpectedly. They said you d been telephoning wildly and talking about tele grams and things, so I FLO. (nods to her and continues in phone)^ What? . . . She s just back. I don t know. I haven t asked her yet. . . . Yes, I ll let you know. . . . Thanks. Good-by. (Hangs up re ceiver and embraces Anne) My dear ! I never was so glad to see anybody in my life ! ANNE, (laughing) This fervor would be truly touching if I hadn t been eavesdropping. As it is, I suspect you of harboring motives. FLO. Guilty ! ANNE. What s the matter? FLO. Anne, do you remember a large pair of hand-painted china vases at the rummage sale last week ? (Anne looks bewildered and shakes her head) Oh, do ! Try to remember, Anne ! You must re member them, they were so perfectly hideous ! ANNE. My dear girl ! As if anybody could re member any one of the prodigious number of hor rors that sale brought forth! If they hadn t been so funny they d have haunted my dreams! FLO. Yes, I know; but don t you remember one particularly, imposingly, ugly pair of vases? ANNE. I m afraid I don t. What about them? FLO. They were mine. You can t have forgotten THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE 1 them! Two, exactly alike, huge, vivid, home bred, hand painted pink peonies on a pale blue ground, with yellow and black butterflies and iridescent humming birds -- ANNE. 0-o-oh! Those! Mercy, were those yours ? FLO. Anne, Anne, have you any idea who bought those vases? ANNE, (amused) Not a glimmer. FLO. Oh, think! Think/ ANNE, (dryly) Florence, dear! My acquaint ances among the patrons of that sale were limited to our cook and her sister. FLO. Oh, I know! But I want to get them Anne, I ve got to get them back ! ANNE. In the name of sense, why ? FLO. Have you ever heard me speak of Aunt Marietta? No, I suppose not; but she s the aunt with whom Dick lived when he was a boy. You know his father and mother both died before he was six, and this aunt took him to her heart. She patched his trousers and corrected his spelling and heard his prayers. When he grew older she made all sorts of pathetic sacrifices to send him away to a good school. Then he worked his own way through college and has taken care of her ever since. ANNE. And she gave you the vases? FLO. Worse than that! She painted them her self, with infinite pains and pride, and sent them to us as a wedding gift. ANNE. And you sent them to a rummage sale! Oh, Florence! FLO. I knew but truly it isn t quite as bad as it looks. I really love Aunt Marietta. Don t make any mistake about that, Anne. We both love her dearly ! But I don t care for " flower pieces " done on porcelain plaques and mounted on plush ! The fact that she wouldn t appreciate my Japanese 8 THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE prints doesn t make me love her less, and I see no more reason for putting vases in my rooms that would be a perpetual note of discord to myself and my friends than I do for wearing a frumpy, ill- fitting gown in New York because it would meet her village standards. ANNE. N-no. No, of course (looking about) you couldn t have those vases here, Florence! They were too awful ! But but you needn t have given them away ! FLO. Why not? There are people who like that sort of thing who would take just as much joy and pride in them as she did. Why should I keep them as I have kept them for five years hidden in my attic, when they might be giving somebody the pleas ure she meant them to give us? So I sent them to that sale, thinking they d serve two purposes fill somebody s long-felt want, and add a dollar or two to the hospital fund. ANNE. Then why all these belated scruples? FLO. Because Aunt Marietta is coming Com ing? My land, she s here! (LooTcs at her watch) Her train must be in if it s on time. ANNE. And you think she d remember? FLO. Bemember ! My dear, those vases will be the first things she ll look for ! ANNE. Couldn t you explain. FLO. (shaking her head) Wait until you sea her! The dearest, tenderest, old-fashionedest, little brown leaf of a woman all heart ! She just couldn t understand! ANNE. But why, when she was coming FLO. That s the irony of fate! In all these years we ve never been able to get her fifty miles from her own hearthstone. We ve begged her to visit us begged her to come and live with us. We d love to have her, and she hasn t a chick or a child or any body belonging to her out there. But she s always THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE lived there in this little bit of a forsaken town and we ve never been able to coax her away, so we d given up trying or even hoping. ANNE. And now FLO. Now this morning out of a clear sky, comes a letter from her saying there s to be an excur sion of some sort. Some friends of hers were coming, one of them was detained at the last moment, and Aunt Marietta suddenly decided to come with the other one, and make us a visit. Of course she didn t telegraph and we might have been in Egypt or Chicago ! She sent a postal card, mailed the day be fore she was to start! I phoned Dick to meet her, and I ve been scurrying around getting things ready to meet her housewifely eye. And in the midst of it all I remembered those vases, and Oh, I wouldn t hurt her feelings for anything in the world ! ANNE, (decidedly) Well, they ve simply got to be found, you know. That s all there is to that ! (Goes into a brown study) FLO. Yes, but how ? I phoned Mrs. Lane and everybody else I could think of. I even wired you., for I had a hazy idea they were on your table, ANNE, (dreamily) They were. FLO. (eagerly) Then can t you Oh, no, (despondently) of course you can t ! I couldn t tell, to save my life, who bought your last winter s hat and I sold it with great satisfaction ! Do you suppose it would do any good to advertise? (Anne does not reply) I don t see any other way. DC you ? Anne ! ANNE, (starting out of lier reverie and blinking surprisedly) Eh? What? FLO. Do you think it would do any good to ad vertise ? ANNE. I don t know. It might. Try it. I see here, Flo, I m beginning to get just a glimmer N FLO. Oh, Annel 10 THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE ANNE. Now, don t set your heart on it. It may come to nothing. But I do remember a large, fluent Irish woman who had her weather eye on those vases for an hour or more. She kept coming back, trying to haggle the price down. I don t know whether she bought them or not. Certainly, I didn t sell them to her, and I don t know who she was. But I ve a notion that Nora she s our cook would know. My car s at the door. I ll fly home and interview the powers in the kitchen, and then I ll start out on a still hunt. Mercifully, this is a small town, and if those vases are in it, I ll bring them to you before I Bleep. FLO. Anne Fisher, if ever there was an angel on this earth ANNE, (laughing) I m it! I m sure of it, be cause lately I ve been having growing pains where my wings ought to be. The doctor says it s rheumatism, but you ve a much more discerning eye. I m off. Oh, by the way, does Dick know ? FLO. Not yet. ANNE. Well, you d better take no chances with him! If there s any nice, thoughtful, well-meaning, unequivocal, irretrievable way of turning the fat into the fire, Dick will find it ! (Both laugh) Now I m really off. Good-by. I ll phone you in a few min utes if I get any clue. FLO. You re such a comfort, Nan! Good-by. (Anne goes out. Florence glances critically about the room, moves an ornament, flecks a bit of dust from a table, then sighs) Heigh-ho! Dear old Nan! Oh Katie? KATIE, (appearing at door to reception room) Yes m. FLO. When Miss Williams comes, you re to take her bag and wraps to her room, and then serve tea here at once. KATIE. Yes m. 11 FLO. I think that s all. Oh- If she should ask you, when I m not here, anything about the large, hand-painted vases, you may say you may say you think I must have put them away out of the dust. KATIE. What vases, mum? FLO. Now, Katie, don t say that to her! What ever you do, don t ask her " what vases ! " And don t let her know you ve never seen them! Simply say you think I must have put them away. Do you understand ? KATIE. Yes m. FLO. Don t forget, now! It s very important that you should remember this. Hand-painted vases. KATIE. Large, hand-painted vases. Yes m. FLO. It s not probable that she ll say anything to you about them, but in case she should (Front door slams ) Why, there they are! (Runs into hall, eagerly crying) Aunt Marietta ! Aunt Marietta! AUNT M. (outside) My dear child! DICK, (outside) Isn t she looking well? FLO. (outside) She s looking just as she always did, the dearest, dearest- Come in! Come in! (Enter Aunt Marietta, a gentle, gray-haired, sweet- faced, quaint little woman, whose manner, of a by gone generation, rather than any feebleness, makes her seem old; Dick Butler, a vigorous young business man, and Florence. Dick carries an old-fashioned valise, and Aunt M. clings to a large box, wrapped in newspapers. Both Flo and Dick manifest in every way their great delight in seeing her.) FLO. I m so glad to see you! You dear, blessed (Embraces Aunt M.) Are you tired to death? AUNT M. (brightly) Oh, no, I m not at all tired. I was, until I saw Dick on the platform. I haven t thought of it since. FLO. (taking Aunt M. s wraps and handing them to Katie) Take your things off and we ll have tea 12 THE TEETH OF THE GIF * HORSE before we climb upstairs to your room unless you d prefer to go right up? AUNT M. No; I just want to look at you and Dick and realize that I am actually here. (Looks about room. Katie picks up valise and is about to take box, when Aunt M. sees her) Oh ! No, no ! If you please ! I d rather you shouldn t take that ! I like I d really like to take that up myself ! DICK. It will be perfectly safe. Katie will handle it as if it were eggs or nitroglycerine. Per haps that s what it is! Aunt Marietta, (with mock severity) confess! Is that a bomb? Have you turned nihilist? (Katie retreats suddenly from box) AUNT M. (flustered) Why, no ! Certainly not ! How can you say (Pauses; then laughs) Bless me, Dick, how little you ve changed. DICK. Nevertheless, I m convinced you have! That s a most mysterious box, Flo. Aunt Marietta has carried it all the way across the continent to this very spot in her hand. She wouldn t even let me touch it. Now, Aunt Marietta, if it doesn t con tain a bomb, you ll let our faithful housemaid take it (Katie backs against the wall, terrified) AUNT M. (nervously) No no if you please, Dick ! I I know I m very foolish, but I ve taken such care of that box ! And if something should happen to it now, at the very end of the jour ney If you ll just let me take it FLO. You shall take it yourself if you want to! But not now not until you re ready to go up. We ll put it right there. (Puts it on floor beside table) AUNT M. But mightn t it get jarred there? If some one should stumble over it, it it might be very serious. I think I d better DICK, (placing box on table, with exaggerated caution) Then we ll put it there! And you shall take it unstairs with your own two hands. THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE 1J (Katie, wild-eyed, hastily slips out. Telephone }ell rings. Dick takes receiver} DICK. Hello. . . . Yes. . . . Yes. . . . Who is it? . . . Oh, all right. Hold the wire. Anne Fisher wants to talk to you, Florence. FLO. Oh, Anne! (Runs across to phone} Per haps perhaps Aunt Marietta would like to see the other rooms on this floor, Dick. You might take her into the dining-room and show -her the view. DICK, (smiling significantly} Secrets, eh? All right. You re not too tired, Auntie? We seem to be de trop here. AUNT M. Oh, no, Pm not at all tired. (Exeunt Aunt M. and Dick, he ivith his arm around her} FLO. (eagerly} Yes, Anne! . . . Yes. . . . What? I can hardly hear you! . . . Oh, are yon home already ? . . . She did know ? . . . She didn t know! . . . .She had a friend who what? . . . Oh, bought some! . . . You don t think they re the ones? ... Oh! ... You ve got what? . . . Oh, the address of North s friend. . . . But that s a lot of trouble for you, Anne ! . . . What ? . . . Why, you haven t met Aunt Marietta! . . . Oh, did you? With Dick? . . . Where did you meet them? . . . Isn t she a dear? . . . (Lauglis} I knew you d say that. Everybody loves Aunt Mari etta at sight. Now that you ve seen her, you see, too, why I simply can t let her visit be clouded and her feelings hurt by What? . . . Anne .Fisher, you re the dearest thing in the world ! . . . Where does she live this Irish woman ? How long will it take you to get there ? . . . Mercy, you ll be arrested for fast driving if you make that time! . . . Well but do be careful! . . . No, nothing s happened yet. . . . Qood-by (Hangs up} (Enter Aunt M. and 14 THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE AUNT M. (timidly) It s all very nice very nice, indeed, Dick. It s so (obviously at a loss for a word) so complete, and everything looks good. I I think you re very comfortable. DICK, (puzzled) Comfortable? Oh, yes yei, of course we re comfortable. (Places a chair for her) But don t you like it, Aunt Marietta? (Pulls his chair up to her and takes her hand. Flor ence sits on hassock at her feet and holds her other hand) AUNT M. Oh, yes, certainly. It s delightful, Dick. And I m so pleased to see you in your own home ! You ve no idea how I ve looked forward to that. It s really what brought me. The others were talking about the sights of New York, but I thought only of you. I just wanted to eee you two dear chil dren in your own home, with (glances wistfully about) with all your own things about you. I ve thought about it so long tried to imagine just how it would be DICK. And is it at all as you expected to find it ? AUNT M. Well not exactly, of course (hastily) but it s all very nice, Dick. Very nice indeed. FLO. And you haven t seen it all yet, you know, Aunt Marietta. AUNT M. (with reviving hope) No, that s true. There are rooms upstairs. Perhaps there s a bright little sitting-room up there. DICK. No; only bedrooms. We sit here, you know. AUNT M. Yes yes, to be sure, you sit here. It s a very it s a very nice place to sit, too. FLO. Now, Dick, you ve monopolized Aunt Ma rietta long enough. She hasn t told me a word about herself, or her trip, or how she happened to start so suddenly, or who s taking care of the dear little a home, or THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE 15 DICK, (smiling reminiscently) Isn t that a dandy little house, eh? Can t you just see the flow ered paper, and the pictures up around the top of the walls, and the white curtains and Aunt Ma rietta sitting near a window, painting away? Do you still paint, Aunt Marietta? AUNT M. (glancing furtively and smilingly at the box) Oh, yes I still paint. DICK. Let s see; you took up china painting, didn t you? FLO. (hastily) Of course she did! Don t you remember the plates she s sent us? And the choco late pot and the teacups (sees Aunt M. glanc ing at the ornaments, and concludes desperately) and the lovely vases she gave us when we were married? DICK. Oh, by Jove. I d for that is of course I remember em! Sure thing! AUNT M. Those vases were the first large pieces I did. DICK, (ivith exaggerated enthusiasm, to atone for his for get fulness) Were they? Were they, really? FLO. (crushingly) Dick! You knew they were ! Men are so stupid about such things, Aunt Marietta. They mean well, but they never really remember any details of anything except business. You wouldn t think Dick would come to that, would you ? But he has. DICK. Oh, come! That s a bit hard, isn t it? Say, Florence (looking about) where are those vases? Why don t we have them FLO. We do have them ! DICK, (looking about) Where? FLO. (laughing nervously) Dick Butler, you are the worst! They happen not to be visible this instant and of course you can t remember that they ever were ! Can you tell now what picture hangs at the foot of your bed? (Rises and slips behind Aunt M. and shakes her hwd violently at him} 16 THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE DICK. Why, certainly! It s what? (She lays her finger on her lips, frowns and shakes her head) Why, yes, I can! It s (Stops, puzzled by her signals) FLO. (laughing lightly) There! You see, Aunt Marietta ? DICK. But see here ! I can tell ! It s - FLO. (taking him up on "can tell") Oh, per haps you can now ! You ve had time to think ! It happens to be a picture of me, Aunt Marietta. DICK, (defiantly) In fancy dress. FLO. (mockingly) Wonderful! By the way, apropos of thinking, you forgot to fix that door DICK. What door? FLO. The one I asked you to fix this morning. Come and look at it now. Aunt Marietta will ex cuse us a moment. DICK, (protestingly) But she s just come ! I ve hardly seen her yet! And anyhow, you didn t say anything about any door! FLO. (laughing) There it is, Aunt Marietta! But if you asked him where U. S. Steel Preferred stood a week ago last Tuesday, he could tell you to ?, fraction! Come along, Dick! (Takes his hand and pulls him into hall) (Aunt Marietta crosses quickly to table and shakes her box gently, carefully listening. Presently enter Katie and begins to clear a place on a smaller table for tea tray. She is obviously afraid of the box) AUNT M. (pleasantly) If I m going to be a member of this household, I must know your name. KATIE. Katie, mum. AUNT M. I hope you didn t feel hurt, Katie, that I didn t want you to take my box upstairs. KATIE, (eyeing it fearfully) Oh, no, mum. AUNT M. It wasn t that I wasn t willing to trust you, Katie. I m sure you d have been very careful f it, but it contains something very fragile. I THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE (7 do hope it hasn t been broken! (Shakes ~box gently and Katie makes for the door) I let those nice col ored men at the stations carry my bag, but I never let one of them touch this. It it s a present for my nephew and my niece. KATIE. Oh ! Is that what it is ! AUNT M. I wonder whether I ll have time to open it? Do you think they ll be back right away? I d like to see whether And I d like to show it to you and see if you think it would please them. Now that I m here, I m just a little bit afraid that maybe it s not just not jvist what they would have chosen, you know. Do you suppose I ll have time to show it to you? KATIE. Oh, yes m. I ll kape watch. If they do be comin , sure we can hide it under the sofy pillys there, if Ye re sure tis a present for thim, mum ? AUNT M. (carrying box to divan) Indeed I am! I made it myself. Oh, I do hope it hasn t been cracked! (Unties box with feverish haste and fum bles with paper packing inside) There s a great deal of work on it, Katie. You ll see presently! You re sure they re not coming? (Katie runs to hall door, listens., and returns, shaking her head) Then I packed it so carefully! There! (Dis plays a porcelain clock painted in gay colors) KATIE. 0-o-o-oh ! Oh, it s the rale beauty, ain t it, mum? AUNT M. (very happily) Do you like it? Do you, really? KATIE. I do indade, mum. Tis rale nice! T puts me in moind av some new vases me sister s mother-in-law has. Sure, tis almost loike them, it is! AUNT M. I made it to go with Mrs. Butler a ?ases. To stand between them, you know. KATIE. What vases, mum ? AUNT M. Why the vases I painted. (Anz- 18 THE TEETH OF THE GIF x HORSE iously) You you ve seen the vases I painted, haven t you, Katie? KATIE. No m, niver. Unless tis the loikes av thim ye re manin . (Points to some vases of Japan ese bronze and cloisonne) AUNT M. Oh, no ! Some tall, pretty ones as tall as that. (Measures with her hands) Are are you sure you ve never seen them? KATIE. No m. I niver seen any loike that not since I been here. 0-oh ! Maybe it s the " la-arge, hand-painted ones " ye re manin ! AUNT M. Yes, yes, yes! That s what I mean. Hand painted. KATIE. Oh, sure! Thim s the ones she put away. AUNT M. (faintly) Put away! KATIE. (Parrot like) To kape thim from the dust. AUNT M. Are you are you sure that was the reason they were put away ? KATIE. Twas what hersilf said. " To kape thim from the dust/* says she, just loike that. AUNT M. (doubtfully) Oh well perhaps (More certainly) Oh, probably! I am I ve been a little disturbed since arriving here, Katie. You see,. I ve always thought of my nephew and niece as living in a pleasant, sunny house, with pretty carpets and nice white curtains, and plenty of bright, cheer ful things about. KATIE. Yes m. AUNT M. That s the kind of houses I m used to, and this oh, don t think I m criticizing! This is all very nice, of course and looks very comfortable, but doesn t it seem a little dull ? KATIE. Oh, I t ink it s awful! So dark and gloomy ! Sure, there s no life at all to ut ! AUNT M. Well, it seems a little just a little that way to me, but I suppose they must enjoy it, so THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE 19 J wondered whether, after all I wouldn t wish to embarrass them. Do you think, now, they d like this clock, Katie ? KATIE. Oh, sure! Why, look for yersilf, mum\ They haven t a t ing as foine as that ! Ah, that clock w u d look grand with the vases me sister s mother- in-law bought at the rubbish sale ! AUNT M. The what kind of a sale, Katie ? KATIE. Eubbish sales, they calls thim. All the ladies sinds all the old stuff they don t want an w u d give to the junkman to an empty store, an then they goes an sells it to the poor people for charity. Twas there me sister s mother-in-law got the vases two av thim, just aloike, d ye moind ? for a dol lar ninety-eight. Tis rale beauties they are ! They have flowers on thim, an butterflies an birds an goold all on the edges AUNT M. Butterflies and what kind of birds.. Katie? KATIE. Hoomin birds, mum blue an grane ones. AUNT M. (faintly} Oh! Oh! And what color are the the butterflies, Katie ? KATIE. Sh! Here they come! Into the box with it ! AUNT M. (hastily thrusting the clock into the }>ox] But perhaps they wouldn t care for it, after all. I wouldn t like to have it sent to a what is it you call them ? KATIE. That clock to a rubbish sale ! No, mum 1 Tis too foine it is an besides, tis quite new. Tis only old t ings they sinds there. Anyway, her- silf would niver sind away anyt ing you gave her. Tis too fond av ye she is. Sure, she couldn t t ink more av ye if ye was her own mother! AUNT M. (joyfully} You think a?- Y^u truly do? 2Q THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE KATIE. Hersilf said so this very mornin . Many s the toime she s said it before, too! Sure, tis livin here she d have you be ! AUNT M. Oh, I m sure it s true ! KATIE. Niver moind the sthrings! t ll fix thim after! (They hastily secrete the box at the foot of the dive-n) AUNT M. Thank you, Katie. Thank you so much! KATIE, (retiring toward dining-room) Yes m. (Enter from hall, Flo and Dick) FLO. You may serve tea now, Katie. (Exit Katie.) AUNT M. That s a very attractive girl, Florence, I ve been talking to her. FLO. Did she tell you about her mother s first husband s brother? AUNT M. No. FLO. He was the family celebrity. He was an alderman. AUNT M. Was he? No, she s been telling me about a very remarkable kind of sale some of her friends attended reently a rubbish sale DICK, (quickly exchanging glances with Flo) Rummage sale, Aunt Marietta. Do you mean to say you ve never attended a rummage sale? AUNT M. No ; but I ve heard of them I think. You see, Deep Creek is so small and I never go away from home. Katie says her brother ? sister-in-law no, her sister s brother-in-law well, at any rate, some connection of her family, bought a very remarkable pair of vases there for FLO. Vases! Katie? AUNT M. Yes I judge very pretty ones for 4 dollar and ninety-eight cents. It s very gratifying to know that poor people can KA.T*B. (appearing at hall door) Mr. Blake. THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE 21 (Enter Devlin Blake, a man "of cheerful yester* days and confident to-morrows."} DICK. Hello, Devlin! You re just in time for tea. BLAKE, (shaking hands ivith Florence} Thanks. I m glad I still look ingenuous, but your" native cre dulity, Richard, compels me to confess that my ar rival at this particular moment is not unpremedi tated. FLO. Aunt Marietta, let me present Mr. Blake, Our aunt, Miss Williams. BLAKE. (bowing formally} Madam! (Aunt M. rises and bows in an old-fashioned way} DICK, (as they all sit) Now, what have you got in your pocket? BLAKE. Dick, if I had your clairvoyant powers, nobody d catch me slaving at a desk eight hours a day as you do. I d use em. How do you do it? DICK. Oh, easy. You never honor us with your presence unless you re prepared to make us covetous. He s quite a collector, Aunt Marietta. What is it now ? Disgorge. BLAKE. Well, what about that? (Rands Flo a small Japanese vase} FLO. Oh, what a beauty ! Where did you get it ? Just look, Dick ! BLAKE. Do you happen to observe that signa ture? FLO. (looking at bottom of vase} I do! And such an exquisite piece ! Where did you get it ? BLAKE. At the Hobart sale. DICK, (showing vase to Aunt If.) Any more like that there ? It s a perfect little gem, you know ! BLAKE. Not now. There wasn t much, anyway. One or two good things, and a lot of awful rubbish ! Florence, you still hold the record for abominable ornaments, but there are some vases down there that 22 THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE run a close second to that brace of home-manufac tured horrors you sent to the rummage sale last week. (Aunt M. looks startled) FLO. (dismayed) Oh! (Shakes her head warn- ingly at Blake. Dick looks frightened) BLAKE. Eh ! What ? FLO. I didn t that is, what makes you say / sent them? BLAKE. Because you did! (Laughs) You needn t think you can back out of that, Florence or that you re going to be allowed to live it down, either ! I was on the receiving committee, you know, and if you expect me to suppress that dark secret in your past, you ll have to well, it will come high, that s all ! Say, honest, where d you get em ? FLO. Devlin Blake, you re perfectly crazy! You re always getting me mixed up with somebody else! DICK, (urgently) Aunt Marietta, I think the sun s setting! Shall we go out to the dining-room window and see? (He hurries her out, with affec tionate concern) FLO. Well, now vou have done it ! BLAKE. Why? What s up? FLO. She gave me those vases ! BLAKE. Jimmy! The little old lady? Who is she? FLO. She s Dick s favorite aunt. She arrived from the West this morning. She painted them herself. BLAKE, (with whimsical reproach) FloreDce, I m afraid you ve been looking a gift horse in the mouth ! FLO. I didn t have to! This one showed his teeth from the first and now he s beginning to bite with them! BLAKE. (laughing) Eegular comic-newspaper situation, isn t it ? Think she ll disinherit THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE 2S FLO. (almost in tears) Don t ! How can you make fun! She s the sweetest woman in the world! BLAKE. I beg your pardon ! FLO. And I can t bear that she should be hurt ! She s been a mother and more to Dick. But she s never visited us if I d had the least idea she would ever come, I wouldn t have sent them But you know yourself, Devlin, I couldn t have them here! BLAKE, (glancing about) Here? Great Scott, no! But after all, Flo, you needn t have sent them to a rummage sale! FLO. Oh, I know ! But I thought they might as well be doing somebody some good. Dick didn t know I had sent them until a few minutes ago, and he s all broken up about it, Devlin! (Telephone bell rings and she goes to receiver) Yes? . . . Oh, Anne! Eeally? . . . She won t well, make her sell them! . . . How perfectly ridiculous! . . . Can t you make her see that. What ? . . . Oh, well that s absurd, you know. , . . Well, I m afraid it s too late, anyway. . . . Things have happened. ... I can t very well tell you. . . . Well she heard rather unfortunate things said about the sale. . . . I m afraid so. ... Well, I hate to fib, but I d do anything to keep from hurting her! But I don t see what we could say that would help. . . . Well, perhaps. . . . Thanks. . . . Good-by. (Hangs up) That was Anne. She s found the vases. BLAKE, (hopefully) That s great luck, isn t it? FLO. An old Irish woman has them, and because Anne drove up in her automobile in a great hurry, the woman has conceived an idea that the vases are some priceless treasure, sold by mistake, and won t give them up. BLAKE. Oh, well, that s easily arranged. An ex pert will soon 24 THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE FLO. Yes, but that will take time and 1 ime s what we can t afford especially now! Anne thinks maybe W9 can fix up a tarradiddle of some sort, to gain time, but Oh, dear! (Wipes aviay a tear] BLAKE, (soberly) I m awfully sorry, Florence! FLO. Did you see her face? No; of course, you weren t watching her, but she looked as if she had been struck ! Poor little Auntie ! Oh ? why did I ever Wasn t it a horrid thing to do, Devlin? I really thought they ought to be giving somebody pleasure, but now Oh, why did I send them away ! BLAKE. Sh! They re coming! Pull up, Floiv ence ! (Flo hurriedly wipes her eyes and assumes a forced smile) (Enter Dick and Aunt M. from hall. Enter Katie from dining-room with tea tray. Flo pours tea) BLAKE. I hear you ve just arrived, Miss Wil liams, You must be tired. AUNT. M. No, I yes, I am. I m just begin ning to realize that I am very tired. Bi ^KE. (deferentially placing a chair for her, tucking a footstool under her feet and bringing her tea) Ah, well, that will soon wear off we ll take such good care of you. You see it isn t often you give us the pleasure. (Dick and Flo confer at tea table u ith troubled faces) And it s a happy day for this house when you come into it. Dick and Mrs. Dick there are fairly radiating joy! (Throughout the remainder of the play his manner to her is one of sincere and increasing deference and admiration) AUNT M. (timidly) I hope they are. BLAKE. Hope they are ! Why, just look at them ! (Flo and Dick suddenly assume icicle smiles) I hope you re going to stay long enough to fix that glorified expression in their faces not to mention giving the rest of us a chance to develop a little refulgence un der your influence. THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE 2 AUNT M. Thank you. I hardly think I shall be here long. I wanted to see my nephew and his wife in their own home I came only for that and now that I have seen them, I -I think I shall be going back before long. FLO. (with great concern and disappointment) Aunt Marietta ! AUNT M. (gently] I am not accustomed to be ing away from home, and I think it confuses me a little. Already I am realizing that for old people the chimney corner is best. BLAKE. Now, isn t that just because you re a lit tle tired ? Give us a chance to show you, after you re rested, how entertaining we can be, before you talk about leaving us. DICK. She s not all here yet, anyway. Her trunk hasn t come. By the way, where s the box? FLO. What box ? DICK. The box! The precious, mysterious, in terdicted box! AUNT M. (with attempted lightness) The box of exaggerated importance. You ve changed very little, Dick. DICK. But where is it ? I put it carefully on the table. AUNT M. (smiling) And I as carefully took it off. (Blake, in passing around the end of the divan with a plate of tea calces, stumbles over the box.) BLAKE. What the deuce ! I beg your pardon ! I hope I haven t DICK. Why, that s the box ! Blake, you elephant, you ve been stubbing your toe on it ! AUNT M. (with determined brightness) It doesn t matter in the least. I ve been very fussy about that box, Mr. Blake. I as I told you I m not accustomed to traveling, and it contains some thing that I was afraid fart really, it s of no im- 28 THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE portance. None whatever. That is one of the ad vantages of travel, isn t it, Mr. Blake? (Rather sadly) It is so broadening. It teaches one in* in so many ways so quickly. (More brightly) I suppose you have traveled a great deal ? BLAKE. Oh, not so much. And if you ll permit me to say it, Miss Williams, there s none of the boasted breadth conferred by travel that is half so attractive as a certain fine and delicate aroma attach ing to the personalities of some ladies (bowing defer entially) who have stayed always at home. May I take your cup? AUNT M. Thank you. (She rises, and Dick joins her) BLAKE, (aside to Flo at tea table) We ll get those vases back or die in the attempt! She s like a sweet, old-fashioned pink! We can t let her be hurt! FLO. She suspects, doesn t she? BLAKE. I m afraid she does. FLO. (glancing at her husband) And poor Dick s worried to death ! Oh, I tell you I ve learned one lesson, Devlin ! She may fill my house with plush lambrequins and crazy quilts and " hand-painted " sofa cushions if she- wants to, but I ll never do any thing like this again ! (Enter Anne, a large, showy vase under eithei arm.) ANNE. I brought your vases back, Flo. FLO. (startled and dismayed) Oh Anne! ANNE, (calmly) And I assure you they ve done missionary work. Good-afternoon again, Miss Wil liams. Are they talking you to death? How do, Devlin? I m sorry I couldn t get these back any sooner, Flo. I knew how you hated to have them out of the house, so I brought them back myself. And we re ever so much obliged. (Places vases on table) THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE 27 FLO. (blankly) Oh yes I did hate to have them away, of course. I BLAKE, (alertly) Where have they been, Anne? ANNE. At a sort of loan exhibition. Do you have loan exhibitions in Deep Creek, Miss Williams ? AUNT M. JST-no, I think not. I don t quite know what a loan exhibition is. ANNE. Oh, don t you? Well, sometimes people like us pay to see a loan exhibition, but the kind I like best is when we send a lot of beautiful things to be gathered together in one place, so the poor people, who have no beautiful things of their own, can see them. AUNT M. And then it it s sometimes called a rubbish I mean, a rummage sale, isn t it ? (Others exchange quick glances) DICK. Oh, no ! FLO. No indeed! \ (T th icU} BLAKE. Not at all! ANNE. Never ! DICK, (eagerly explaining] Oh, no! You see, at a rummage sale things are sold, and people send all the old truck they want to get rid of. But a loan exhibition BLAKE, (convincingly) Oh, that s quite a differ ent thing ! ANNE, (gently) To a loan exhibition we send only the very choicest and loveliest things we have. FLO. (tenderly) And we only loan them for a while, don t you see? Just to give other people pleasure. AUNT M. (whose face has been slowly brighten ing) Oh! And you sent these vases You really thought them worthy BLAKE. Worthy! Listen to her! FLO. You see, Aunt Marietta painted those rases herself. 28 THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE BLAKE. Did she? Did you really, now? (Ex amines vases) I call that quite remarkable! ANNE. 7 knew! That s the reason I brought them back myself. AUNT M. But why didn t you tell me? When Dick spoke of them FLO. (hastily) Oh, of course when Dick spoke of them, I well, he spoke of them so sud denly, you know, and ANNE, (laughing) I shrewdly suspect, Miss Williams, that Dick didn t know the vases had gone out of the house. You see, he s so fond of you, he might not have been willing to let them go. Fess up, Flo! Did Dick know? FLO. Well no; to be quite honest, he didn t, until a few minutes ago. AUNT M. (happily) I see! I see! And that is the reason wiry, it s all perfectly clear now! But, Dick, you should have known how proud I d be to have my vases loaned for such a purpose ! DICK. That s so, I ought! Well, I do now. (Picks up the vases) Now, where shall we put them, Aunt Marietta? AUNT M. (mildly surprised) Why, wherever you usually have them, Dick dear. DICK. Oh yes, certainly. Of course. We usu ally have them we have them (Looks helplessly at Flo) FLO. I think Dick meant that now you r- here, perhaps you d like to choose a place for them your self. AUNT M. Why, it seems to me I may be wronr you are all so much wiser than I but it stems to me that they would look very nicely on the mantel there one at each end. Don t you think so ? BLAKE, (quickly) I m sure we all agree that s the very place for them ! Let me help you> Dick- (They place the vases) There! THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE 29 AUNT M. (as they all fall back a step to see the effect) Do you do you like them so, Mr. Blake? You know so much about such things ! BLAKE, (gravely) They are very striking there, madam! Very striking! AUNT M. They give it quite an air of sym metry, it seems to me. DICK, (enthusiastically appropriating the idea) That s what they do, Auntie! They give it a sym metry that the mantel entirely lacks without them ! ANNE, (gently) You must have spent an infin ity of work on them, Miss Williams? AUNT M. Yes I was a long time doing them. And now, my dear children, I have something to show you. But first, for my own peace of mind, I must make a confession. ALL. A confession. AUNT M. I m a hateful, suspicious old woman, my dears ! DICK. You? Nonsense! (Pats her shoulder, lovingly) FLO. Oh, Auntie ! You re just tired. AUNT M. I m not a bit tired, but for a little while, my dears, I was very unhappy. You see, I didn t see the vases here though I really didn t think much of that until Katie said I mean, in conversation with Katie, I learned (Hesitates) FLO. What did Katie say? AUNT M. First, that she had never seen my vases at ail. FLO. Why, the little wretch ! AUNT M. Wait, my dear ! Later she remembered that she had, but said you had put them away " to kape thim from the dust." I see now, of course, that that was intended for Dick s benefit, in case he should miss them. But at the time, in looking about your house, it seemed to me I admit that it was an un- trortiiv suspicion but it did seem to me that you 30 THE TEETH OF THE GIFT HORSE might have put them away for for some other reason, my dear. There were other things mere coincidence, I see now that seemed to confirm my fears, and so I resolved to say nothing about a little surprise I had planned for you. Now I see how mis taken I was and I hope you ll forgive me fbr doubting you. (Dick and Flo take her hand pro- testingly) Just a minute, please. Mr. Blake, will you please hand me that box ? (He brings it to her) Thank you. And I brought you this! (Displays clock) ALL. 0-oh! (Aunt M. ~beams delightedly) FLO. Oh oh, thank you, Aunt Marietta ! Thank you so much ! DICK, (with much feeling} By jove ! Isn t she a dear to do all that for us ! AUNT M. (to Blake) Do you like it? Do you think it s pretty? BLAKE, (earnestly) Madam, if I had been for tunate enough to have a gift like that made for me, I should value it beyond price. AUNT M. Would you? Truly? Why why, if it would give you pleasure, Mr. Blake, and if I m here long enough, I should love to do one for you ! BLAKE, (touched) If you will, I shall prize it all my life. ANNE. You ll surely be here long enough, won t you, Miss Williams? After so long a journey, you aren t thinking of going back soon! AUNT M. (rather archly) Why I I did think when I come on, that I might stay all winter. FLO. (eagerly) Oh, will you, Aunt Marietta? Will you really ? We d love to have you ? DICK. Of course she will! We won t let her go maybe we ll never let her go back! Where shall I put this clock, Flo? FLO. (without hesitation, cheerfully) On the 31 mantel, dear, between the vases right in the center, Those bronzes had better come away now. AUNT M. There ! Now that does brighten up th room, doesn t it? ANNE. It certainly does ! AUNT M. Do you like it? DICK, (hastily) Sure! BLAKE, (heartily) Of course we all like it! Those vases have furnished what will always be one of the loveliest memories of uny life. And, moreover, anybody who wouldn t appreciate it, I say has no sense of the beautiful ! AUNT M. Then then, my dears, while I m here this winter, I ll work hard and paint something nice for every single one of you! FLO. (between laughter and tears) Aunt Mari etta, you re the very dearest, sweetest woman in the whole wide world! (Embraces her) BLAKE, (singing, in which, one ~by one, all join ex cept Aunt M.) " So say we al\ , us, so say we all of us, So say we all, ) etc. (While they are still singing, Aunt M. tearfully yniling in their midst, the curtain falls.)