IALOGUE \WiMl UC-NRLF *B 307 TOb • H>* EVERYCHILD'S SERIES NONSENSE DIALOGUES THE MACMILLAN COMPANY NEW YORK • BOSTON • CHICAGO DALLAS • SAN FRANCISCO MACMILLAN & CO., Limited LONDON • BOMBAY • CALCUTTA MELBOURNE THE MACMILLAN CO. OF CANADA, Ltd. TORONTO EVERYCHILD'S SERIES NONSENSE DIALOGUES FOR THE YOUNGEST READERS BY ELLEN E. KENYON-WARNER ILLUSTRATIONS BY ELIZA CURTIS Neto gork THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 1912 All rights reserved Copyright, 1912, By THE M ACM ILL AN COMPANY. Set up and electrotyped. Published September, 1912. EDUCATION' DEPl. Xorfoootj i^regg J. S. Cushing Co. — Berwick & Smith Co. Norwood, Mass., U.S.A. CONTENTS Naming the Babies "What Can You Do?" A Guessing Game . Old Mrs. Shuttle . Splish-Splasii . Addition . The Old Gray Goose The Three Tadpoles The Grain of Wheat " Say Please " . Sunday Clothes The Fairy Guess, and Guess Agai: The End of the Worli Fido's Drink The Day's Eye The Telephone Animal Trades The Workers . The Bee's Story Umbrellas A Little Man . pa<;e 1 O 7 11 H 10 20 23 31 35 42 46 51 r>s 63 68 74 78 83 88 94 M69854 vi CONTENTS PAGE Off for Dreamland . 104 An Alphabet Game 112 The Hours 117 A Christmas Joke . . 125 The Echo 130 Paying Toll . .142 Saving Dolly's Life > 148 Spelling Constantinople 153 The New Man 157 When the Toys came Alive . . . . . 163 EVERTCHILD'S SERIES NONSENSE DIALOGUES the bee's story. Page 83 \ * » » * * • ! < • * u * » » NONSENSE DIALOGUES NAMING THE BABIES The animals stand in a line, and the questioner goes from one to another. Baby dog, what shall I call you? Call me a puppy. Baby cat, what shall I call you? Call me a kitten. Baby sheep, what shall I call you? Call me a lamb. Baby goat, what shall I call you? Call me a kid. Baby horse, what shall I call you? Call me a colt. Baby cow, what shall I call you? Call me a calf. 2 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Baby duck, what shall I call you ? " : Call me a duckling. Baby goose, what shall I call you ? Call me a gosling. Baby owl, what shall I call you? Call me an owlet. Baby eagle, what shall I call you? Call me an eaglet. Baby child, what shall Tcall you? Just Baby. i 4 WHAT CAN YOU DO?" Child Little bird, what can you do ? Bird I can build a nest. Can you ? Child Little mouse, what can you do? Mouse I can run a race. Can you? Child Little puss, what can you do? Puss I can catch a mouse. Can you ? 4 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Child Little frog, what can you do? Frog I can dive and swim. Can you ? Child Spider, tell what you can do. Spider I can spin a web. Can you? — From the Culture Readers, by permission of Charles E. Merrill Company. A GUESSING GAME 1. What do you wear for clothes ? I wear scales. Then you're a fish. 2. What do you wear for clothes? I wear feathers. Then you're a bird. 3. What do you wear for clothes? I wear wool. Then you're a lamb. 4. What do you wear for clothes? I wear short hair. Then you're a horse. 6 NONSENSE DIALOGUES 5. What do you wear for clothes? I wear long hair. Then you're a goat. 6. What do you wear for clothes? I wear black fur. Then you're my cat. 7. What do you wear for clothes? I wear my house. Then you're a turtle. OLD MRS. SHUTTLE THEME Read by voice at back of room Old Mrs. Shuttle, She lived in a scuttle, Along with her dog and her cat. What they did I can't tell, But it's known very well, That none of the party was fat. First Pupil Who was she? Second Pupil Old Mrs. Shuttle. OLD MRS. SHUTTLE 8 NONSENSE DIALOGUES First Pupil Where did she live? Second Pupil In a scuttle. First Pupil Who lived with her? Second Pupil Her dog and her cat. First Pupil What did they do? Second Pupil I can't tell. First Pupil Why can't you tell? Second Pupil I didn't live there. 10 NONSENSE DIALOGUES First Pupil What do you know about them? Second Pupil That none of the party was fat. First Pupil Why were they not fat? Second Pupil I can't tell. First Pupil Why can't you tell? Second Pupil I didn't see them eat. First Pupil Who can tell? Second Pupil Mrs. Shuttle. SPLISH-SPLASH A PLAY Child, facing class, beckons another to join him and recites first couplet Second child beckons to another child while reciting second couplet. Third child beckons to a fourth, etc. First Child If all the seas Were one great sea, What a GREAT sea that would be! Second Child And if all the trees Were one great tree, What a GREAT tree that would be! 11 12 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Third Child And if all the axes Were one great ax, What a GREAT ax that would be ! Fourth Child And if all the men Were one great man, What a GREAT man that would be ! Fifth Child And if the great man Should take the great ax And chop down the great tree And let it fall into the great sea, What a SPLISH-SPLASH that would be! NONSENSE DIALOGUES 13 Concert The five speakers, standing in line, shout " Splish splash!" three times, while half the class cries " Sh-sh-sh ! " and the other half "S-s-s!" ADDITION One and one are two, I and sister Prue. Two and one are three, As any one can see. Three and one are four, You cannot make them more. Four and one are five, Sure as I'm alive. Five and one are six, Little wooden bricks. Six and one are seven, They never make eleven. 14 NONSENSE DIALOGUES 15 Seven and one are eight, We stand here very straight. Eight and one are nine, Behold us all in line. Nine and one are ten Tidy little men. Ten and one are eleven, And that is more than seven. THE OLD GRAY GOOSE First Child 1. Go and tell Aunt Abbie, Go and tell Aunt Abbie, Go and tell Aunt Abbie Her old gray goose is dead, 18 NONSENSE DIALOGUES 17 Second Child 2. I hear what you've been saying, I hear what you've been saying, I hear what you've been saying, But which gray goose is dead? First Child 3. The one that had a topknot, The one that had a topknot, The one that had a topknot Right on its pretty head. Second Child 4. And if she still should ask me, And if she still should ask me, And if she still should ask me Which old gray goose is dead? First Child 5. The one she has been saving, The one she has been saving, 18 NONSENSE DIALOGUES The one she has been saving To make a feather bed. Second Child 6. Where shall I find Aunt Abbie, Where shall I find Aunt Abbie, Where shall I find Aunt Abbie, To tell her Goosie's dead ? First Child 7. You'll find her in the pantry, You'll find her in the pantry, You'll find her in the pantry, Cutting cheese and bread. Second Child 8. I'll go and tell Aunt Abbie, I'll go and tell Aunt Abbie, I'll go and tell Aunt Abbie Her old gray goose is dead. 19 THE THREE TADPOLES Said Twimmily, ' ' See me wiggle ! " Said Twammily, "See me wag- gle!" Said Twirmy, "See me squirm!' Said Twimmily, ' ' My tail's grow- ing shorter." Said Twammily, "My tail's grow- ing shorter." Said Twirmy, "My tail's growing shorter. " Said Twimmily, "My legs are growing longer." Said Twammily, "My legs are growing longer." 20 NONSENSE DIALOGUES 21 Said Twirmy, ' ' My legs are grow- ing longer." Said Twimmily, 'Til soon be a frog." Said Twammily, 'Til soon be a frog." Said Twirmy, "I'll soon be a frog." A frog passed by. He said to Twimmily, ' ' Talk less and work more if you want to be a frog." He said to Twammily, "Talk less and work more if you want to be a frog. " He said to Twirmy, "Talk less and work more if you want to be a frog." 22 NONSENSE DIALOGUES He said to Twimmily, "Keep on wiggling. " He said to Twammily, "Keep on waggling." He said to Twirmy, "Keep on squirming." And a Twimmily, Twammily, Twirmy, And a Wimmily, Wammily, Wirmy, And a Squimmily, Squammily, Squirmy, And a Whippa-pa Papa-pa Pa! THE GRAIN OF WHEAT Little Red Hen Oh, see what I have found ! Chicks (running) What is it? What is it? What is it? £=a3S 23 24 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Little Red Hen It is a grain of wheat. Chicks running A grain of wheat ! It is a grain of wheat ! Let us see the grain of wheat ! Little Red Hen Call the cat. Chicks Cat ! Oh, Cat ! Come quickly, Cat ! Little Red Hen wants you ! Little Red Hen Call the rat. Chicks Rat ! Oh, Rat! Come quickly, Rat ! Little Red Hen wants you ! NONSENSE DIALOGUES 25 Little Red Hen Call the pig ! Chicks Pig ! Oh, Pig ! Come quickly, Pig ! Little Red Hen wants you ! (The cat, the rat, and the pig come, sauntering, and look at the grain of wheat.) Little Red Hen Who will plant this wheat? Cat I won't ! Rat I won't ! Pig I won't ! Little Red Hen I will, then ! (She plants the wheat. Cat, rat, and pig saunter back to seats. The hen, clucking, and the 26 NONSENSE DIALOGUES chicks crying, " Peep ! peep ! " wander about, pretending to pick food from the grass. They return to spot where wheat is planted.) Little Red Hen Oh, see how my wheat has grown! CMcks Oh, see the wheat ! How it has grown ! hWe Red Hen Call the cat, the rat, and the pig. Chicks Cat, come quick ! Rat, come quick ! Pig, come quick ! Little Red Hen wants you ! (They come, sauntering.) Little Red Hen Who will take this wheat to the mill? NONSENSE DIALOGUES 27 Cat Rat Pig I won't ! I won't ! I won't ! Little Red Hen I will, then ! (She pretends to shoulder a heavy bag of wheat and walks off. Chicks follow, peeping. Cat, rat, and pig saunter to seats. Hen and chicks return to spot. Hen opens bag and pretends to scatter some flour on the grass.) Little Red Hen See what fine flour the miller has ground for me ! Chicks See the flour ! Oh, see the fine flour! 28 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Little Red Hen Call the cat, the rat, and the pig. Chicks Oh, Cat, come quick ! Oh, Rat, ' come quick ! Oh, Pig, come quick ! Little Red Hen wants you ! (They come, sauntering.) Little Red Hen Who will make this flour into bread ? I won't ! I won't! I won't ! Cat Rat Pig Little Red Hen I will, then ! (Kneads the flour and pretends to put a loaf under the chair to bake. Animals saunter NONSENSE DIALOGUES 29 back to seats. The hen, clucking, and the chicks, peeping, wander about, pretending to pick food from the grass. They return to where bread is baking. Hen pretends to take it from the oven.) Little Red Hen See how well my bread is baked. Chicks Oh, see the bread ! What fine bread ! (Cat, rat, and pig come without calling.) Little Red Hen Who will eat this bread ? Cat I will ! Rat I will ! 30 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Pig I will ! Little Red Hen Who planted the wheat ? Animals You did ! Little Red Hen Who took the wheat to the mill ? Animals You did ! Little Red Hen Who made the flour into bread ? Animals You did ! x Little Red Hen > Then I and my chicks will eat the bread. {Animals hang their heads and walk slowly to seats. Chicks and Little Red Hen, peeping and clucking loudly, pretend to eat bread.) "SAY PLEASE" Scene. Big sister holding box or basket out of reach of little boy, and smiling down at him. Sister Say "Please!" Boy I won't say please. Give me some. Sister Say "Please!" Boy Why should I say please? Some of the apples are mine. I helped to pick them. 31 NONSENSE DIALOGUES 33 Sister Say "Please!" Boy Stop teasing me. Give me as many as I picked. Sister Say "Please," just to be a little gentleman. Boy I don't want to be a little gentle- man. I'm going to be a man. Sister Then say "Please," just to please me. Boy But you are not pleasing me. 34 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Sister Then say "Please" because it is right to speak pleasantly. Boy Please give me my apples. — From the Culture Readers, by permission of Charles E. Merrill Company. SUNDAY CLOTHES SUNDAY CLOTHES Those who answer for the animals stand in line, and the little girl passes from each one to 35 36 NONSENSE DIALOGUES the next with her questions. After she has made believe go to church she may return and make a little speech, telling them that at least their clothes are their own, and that they may all come to church next Sunday. Girl Fish, fish, what do you wear for Sunday ? Fish Scales for Sunday, Scales for Monday, Scales for Tuesday, Scales for Wednesday, Scales for Thursday, Scales for Friday, Scales for Saturday. Girl Then you can't go to church, for you wear your best clothes on scrub- NONSENSE DIALOGUES 37 bing day. Bird, bird, what do you wear for Sunday? Bird Feathers for Sunday, Feathers for Monday, Feathers for Tuesday, Feathers for Wednesday. Feathers for Thursday, Feathers for Friday, — Girl That is enough ! , You can't go to church, because you wear your best clothes on sweeping day. Sheep, sheep, what do you wear for Sun- day ? 38 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Sheep Wool for Sunday, Wool for Monday, Wool for Tuesday, Wool for Wednesday, Wool for Thursday, — Girl That is enough. You can't go to church, because you wear your best clothes on baking day. Horse, horse, what do you wear for Sun- day? Horse Hair for Sunday, Hair for Monday, Hair for Tuesday, Hair for Wednesday, — NONSENSE DIALOGUES 39 Girl That is enough. You can't go to church, because you wear your best clothes on sewing day. Squirrel, squirrel, what do you wear for Sun- ^ * Squirrel Fur for Sunday, Fur for Monday, Fur for Tuesday, — Girl That is enough. You can't go to church, because you wear your best clothes on ironing day. Frog, frog, what do you wear for Sunday? Frog Skin for Sunday, Skin for Monday, — 40 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Girl That is enough. You can't go to church, because you wear your best clothes on washing day. (Girl turns away with a toss of the head and walks out of the door. A voice from back of room reads :) Voice So the little girl went to church all alone, and wore the skin she had on all the week, and over it clothing of wool that the sheep had given her and of fur that the squirrel had given her. In her hat she had a feather from the tail of the bird, and in her hand she carried a purse made of scales from the fish ; while the pretty hair NONSENSE DIALOGUES 41 that fell over her shoulders kept dancing to a little tune in her heart that sang : — Curls for Sunday, Curls for Monday, Curls for Tuesday, Curls for Wednesday, Curls for Thursday, Curls for Friday, Curls for Saturday, Curls for Sunday. THE FAIRY A DIALOGUE Susie I am a fairy. Grandma Are you ? I hope you are a good fair ^ Susie Oh, yes ! There are no bad fairies. Grandma Then I am glad you have come to see me. What can I do for you ? Susie Nothing at all. I must do some- thing for you. 42 NONSENSE DIALOGUES 43 Grandma Very well, then, what will you do for me ? Susie I will give you three wishes Grandma Oh, how lucky I am ! I was just wishing for some one to thread my needle. Susie I will send you a little girl. (Leaves room and returns.) I believe you are Susie's Grandma. A good fairy sent me to thread your needle. Grandma Oh, thank you ! And thank the good fairy, too. Here is the needle, and here is the thread. (Pantomime.) 44 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Susie There is the needle, all threaded, Susie's Grandma. Is there anything else that a little girl can do for you ? Grandma Not that I think of just at present. Susie Then I will send the fairy back to you. (Goes out and comes in again.) Here I am again, Susie's Grandma. You may have two more wishes. Grandma I wish I had a daisy and a butter- cup. Susie You may have them both for one wish. (Runs out and comes back with real or make- believe blossoms.) NONSENSE DIALOGUES 45 Grandma Thank you, thank you, kind fairy ! I had to say "Thank you " twice be- cause there are two flowers. Now, have I one more wish ? Susie One more. Only one, remember, so wish for something very, very good. Grandma I wish my little granddaughter would come and kiss me. Susie I will send her to you. {Backs out with a bow and runs in with arms flying in air. Rushes up to Grandma, throibs arms around neck, and kisses her again and again.) GUESS, AND GUESS AGAIN Willie Guess what I have in my pocket. Ned I can't guess. Tell me, won't you ? Willie No, you'll have to guess. Ned Who gave it to you? Willie No one gave it, to me. Ned Where did you buy it? 46 NONSENSE DIALOGUES 47 Willie I didn't buy it. Ned How did you get it? Willie I found it. Ned How did it get into your pocket ? Willie It just grew there. Ned. What color is it? Willie No color at all. Ned Is it a marble? 48 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Willie No; marbles don't grow. Ned Who planted it? Willie Nobody. Ned Is it hard or soft? Willie It isn't either hard or soft. Ned You're teasing me. Willie No, indeed, I am not! Ned Is it good to eat? NONSENSE DIALOGUES 49 Willie Not a bit of it. Ned What is it good for? Willie. It isn't good for anything Ned I don't believe you have anything. Willie Yes, I have, too ! Ned Will you give me half, if I guess it? Willie I can't get it out of my pocket. Ned I can't guess it. 50 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Willis Do you give it up ? Ned Yes. What is it? Willie It's a hole. — The Primary School. THE END OF THE WORLD Scene. Hen Pen and Chicken Licken are hunting for bugs in the grass. Child repre- senting rose bush, stands holding a very small bunch of paper in each extended hand. Chicken Licken wanders under a limb of the rose bush and a bunch of paper falls on her head. Chicken Licken (Running to Hen Pen). Oh, Hen Pen ! The world's come to an end ! Hen Pen How do you know, Chicken Licken ? 51 52 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Chicken Lichen I saw it with my eyes, I heard it with my ears, and a piece of it fell on my head. (Duck Luck appears on the scene, waddling.) Duck Luck Quack-quack-quack ! Hen Pen Oh, Duck Luck ! The world's come to an end ! Duck Luck How do you know, Hen Pen? Hen Pen Chicken Licken told me. Duck Luck How do you know, Chicken Licken ? NONSENSE DIALOGUES 53 Chicken Licken I saw it with my eyes, I heard it with my ears, and a piece of it fell on my head. (Goose Loose approaches, stretching out neck.) Goose Loose S-s-s ! Duck Luck Oh, Goose Loose ! The world's come to an end ! Goose Loose How do you know, Duck Luck ? Duck Luck Hen Pen told me. Goose Loose How do you know, Hen Pen? 54 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Hen Pen Chicken Licken told me. Goose Loose How do you know, Chicken Licken ? Chicken Licken I saw it with my eyes, I heard it with my ears, and a piece of it fell on my head ! (Gander Lander approaches, stretching out neck.) Gander Lander S-s-s ! Goose Loose Oh, Gander Lander ! the world's come to an end ! Gander Lander How do you know, Goose Loose? NONSENSE DIALOGUES 55 Goose Loose Duck Luck told me. Gander Lander How do you know, Duck Luck? Duck Luck Hen Pen told me. Gander Lander How do you know, Hen Pen ? Hen Pen Chicken Licken told me. Gander Lander How do you know, Chicken Licken ? » Chicken Licken I saw it with my eyes, I heard it with my ears, and a piece of it fell on my head. 56 NONSENSE DIALOGUES (Turkey Lurkey approaches.) Turkey Lurkey Gobble-gobble-gobble ! Gander Lander Oh, Turkey Lurkey ! The world's come to an end ! Turkey Lurkey How do you know, Gander Lander ? Gander Lander Goose Loose told me. . Turkey Lurkey How do you know, Goose Loose ? Goose Loose Duck Luck told me. Turkey Lurkey How do you know, Duck Luck ? NONSENSE DIALOGUES 57 Duck Luck Hen Pen told me. Turkey Lurkey How do you know, Hen Pen ? Hen Pen Chicken Licken told me. Turkey Lurkey How do you know, Chicken Licken ? Chicken Licken I saw it with my eyes, I heard it with my ears, and a piece of it fell on my head. (Fox Lox approaches, stealing silently and crouching as if to spring upon his prey. All fly in gredt disorder, crying respectively : Peep-peep ! Cluck-cluck ! Quack-quack ! S-s-s! and Gobble-gobble!) FIDO'S DRINK (PANTOMIME) SCENE. Mother is sewing; the cook is rolling pie crust; baby is playing with blocks on the floor. Fido runs up to the cook and cries shrilly, " Yap I yap ! " Cook pays no attention. Fido runs to mother, whines, and takes a bit of her sleeve between his teeth, pulling it. Mother brushes him away. Fido jumps about baby, barking, whining, and pretending to lick his face. Baby takes up a block as if to strike him with it, then throws it down, and caresses him. The two roll over on the floor together in play. A sound is heard, and Fido jumps up, looks and 68 59 60 NONSENSE DIALOGUES listens. " Click ! " goes the sound again, and Fido dances off to meet a little girl who ap- proaches. He dances about her on all fours, yapping and barking, then takes a bit of her skirt between his teeth and takes her over to the corner where the cook is still at work. Little girl suddenly shows by her manner that she understands him, and places a pan of water on the floor. Fido takes a drink. THE READING LESSON Fido Please Cook, give me a drink! I'm very thirsty. Cook Hm-m-m ! (Hums a tune.) Fido Please, Mistress, give me a drink ! It's a warm day, and I'm so thirsty ! NONSENSE DIALOGUES 61 Mistress Run away, Fido, and don't tear my dress. I don't understand dog- talk - Fido Please, Baby, give me a drink ! I am so thirsty ! Baby Don't knock my blocks over, Fido. If you do, Til hit you. No, I won't. We'll have a good play. Fido Oh, I'm so glad you've come, little Mistress ! Please give me a drink. I'm very thirsty, and no one under- stands me. Little Girl Why, Fido ! What can you want ? What are you pulling my dress for ? 62 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Where are you taking me ? Oh, 1 see ! You want a drink. Poor, thirsty little doggie ! You shall have all the water you want. — Adapted from the Culture Readers, by permis- sion of Charles E. Merrill Company. THE DAY'S EYE (A DIALOGUE) Daisy How did you come to name me after a flower, Mama ? Mama Because, dear, we were very glad you came to us. It seemed like the beginning of a new day. Do you know what daisy means? Daisy No, Mama. Mama I wonder if you could guess if I told you something about it. 63 64 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Daisy Let me try, Mama. Mama Well, long ago, when the earth was young, as the fairy stories say, the daisies bloomed in the field just as they do now. Daisy Is this going to be a fairy story, Mama ? Mama No. It is a truly true story. There were the daisy fields, then as now, and just as pretty. Daisy I can see the pretty blossoms, bob- bing about in the wind and sun. NONSENSE DIALOGUES 65 Mama Yes, dear, that is what they did, and the people loved them, but as yet they had not been named. Daisy Then I suppose the people just called them flowers. Mama I suppose so. But they began to feel the need of a particular name for the bright little flower with its yellow heart and white frill. Daisy I should think so ! When they said just "flowers/' nobody would know which flower they meant. 66 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Mama Exactly so. Every kind of thing has to have a name to itself if we are to talk about it easily. Well, you know, people were early risers in those days. Daisy Was that the time when nearly every one lived in the country ? Mama Yes. And when the people went into the fields early in the morn- ing, the daisies looked like a lot of bright eyes that had just opened after being closed in sleep all night. NONSENSE DIALOGUES 67 Daisy I can see them all winking, just so. (Shuts eyes very tightly and opens them very wide several times.) Mama Well, if the day had just awak- ened, what might you call the daisy ? Daisy (Jumping about and clapping her hands.) Oh, I know, Mama ! The day's eye. Mama That is what they named the dear little flower. And that is what we named you, dear. THE TELEPHONE Two paper tubes hanging in opposite corners of the room. Little girl holds one to ear and talks into imaginary mouthpiece. Jill Hello, Central ! Central (A mysterious voice from the back of the room. Child playing Central muffles her voice with her hand.) Hello ! NONSENSE DIALOGUES 69 Jill Give me 1, 2, 3, Tumble Down, D. Central (Muffles voice and runs her words together.) One - two - three - tumble - down - de. Click ! (Bell rings) Jack (Runs to place and seizes tube.) Hello ! Jill Hello ! Is that Jack ? Jack Yes. Who are you? Jill I'm Jill. What are you doing ? 70 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Jack Reading my new birthday book. It's jolly ! — all about Dick Dead- eye and the Whale Hunters. Jill Whale hunters? I thought the whale was a fish. Jack He isn't, though ! What do you want me for ? I'm in a hurry. Jill Won't your book wait until to- morrow ? Jack That whale's a swimmer ! NONSENSE DIALOGUES 71 Jill Well, Dick Deadeye will find you another one if he gets away. I want you to come over here. Jack What for ? Jill That's telling. Jack Oh, come, now ! Jill Do you want to know very much ? Jack Fd give a cooky to know. Jill I want to wish you a happy birth- day. 72 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Jack Thanks, awfully ! But can't you say it over the phone ? Jill Not as it should be said. Jack I know what you want to do. Jill What? Jack Give me nine good slaps. Jill You won't grow if you don't get them ' Jack Ha-ha-ha ! The murder's out. Jill Aren't you coming ? NONSENSE DIALOGUES 73 Jack I hear Dick Deadeye whistling for me. Jill Well, happy birthday anyway! And — listen I— ml ml ml ml ml ml ml ml ml (Jerks out the excla- mations shortly.) Did you get them ? Jack Yes, and I'm growing so fast I'll have a moustache by night. Jill All right ! Good-by ! Jack Last tag ! and good-by ! (Children dispose of tubes, and take seats.) ANIMAL TRADES George Let's play some sort of a guess- ing game. What shall it be? Annie We might each be some kind of an animal, and tell what we do for a living. Jack That's a good idea. I'm a mason and carpenter. I build a wall and plaster it with mud. I cut down trees and build my house mostly of wood. 74 NONSENSE DIALOGUES 75 Ida Oh, I know! You're a beaver. Jack That's right. Now it's your turn to be something. Ida I sew my house together. George Oh, what a house! But I know what you make it of. You take a leaf or two. You're a tailor bird. Ida (With a proud toss of the head.) I call myself an oriole. But it's your turn, George. 76 NONSENSE DIALOGUES George Oh, I know what I'll do for a living ! It's just as good as keeping a candy store. I'll make something sweet, sweet, sweet. I'll go from flower to flower, and gather — I won't say what, because that would be telling. Annie I know! You're a bee. George Here me buzz ! Z-z-z-z-z ! Annie Then I guessed right, and it's my turn. Let me see ! What shall I be? I'm very tiny. I can carry a load bigger than myself. I think I shall call myself a miner, because I NONSENSE DIALOGUES 77 go down into the earth. But I don't go for coal or iron. I make my home there. George A mole ? Annie No, very much smaller than that. Ida A worm? Annie No, smaller than that. Frank I know ! An ant. Annie The game's up, for Frank has guessed right, and we have all had a turn. — The Primary School. THE WORKERS Scene. Madam Weather sits in the teacher's high chair, or is otherwise raised to view. Two children flit irregularly about, moving their arms like wings. One leaps about like a frog or grasshopper. Three walk soberly from place to place, pretending to work. Madam Weather Tis summer. Who likes to play ? Butterfly (Pausing in her flight and moving her wings slowly, as if at rest on a leaf.) I like to play. I am a butterfly. I like to fan the warm, soft air with my velvet wings. I like to 78 NONSENSE DIALOGUES 79 sip the sweet honey from the hearts of all the flowers. Fly I like to play. I am a little fly. I like to flit hither and thither in the sunny air. I do nothing but buzz and eat. Grasshopper I like to play. I am a grasshop- per. I like to leap over the insects that crawl, and look down upon them as I pass. I am proud of my strong legs, and like to exercise them. I do nothing but skip about and eat. I can eat nearly every- thing that grows. (Asbutterfly, fly, and grasshopper finish speak- ing they resume their antics.) 80 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Madam Weather Tis summer. Who likes to work? Bee I like to work. I am a bee. I like to gather honey from the clover blossoms. I like to work in the buckwheat. 1 carry home most of the honey for my winter food. {Resumes work.) Ant I like to work. I am a little ant. I have made me a home in the earth. Don't step on it, please! I am putting away my winter food there now. I work hard all day long. {Resumes work.) NONSENSE DIALOGUES 81 Beaver I like to work. I am a beaver. I can cut down a tree. I can build a dam across the stream. That makes a pond. In the pond I build my house. Then I put away my winter food in it. (Resumes work.) Madam Weather Tis winter. Who wants to rest ? Fly, Butterfly, and Grasshopper (Group themselves before Madam Weather, lean- ing on one another, as if weary. Speak slowly and sleepily.) We want to rest. We have never done any work— yet we feel very tired. Perhaps we played too hard. We might as well have been work- 82 NONSENSE DIALOGUES ing, maybe ; but we never thought of winter. We should like to creep into some nice, warm place and have nothing to do but eat. But we have no homes and no winter food. (Sink slowly to floor and lie doubled up in various attitudes as if asleep.) Bee, Ant, and Beaver (Stand together erect and speak in firm, clear tones.) We shall be glad to rest. We have our homes and our winter food. Our work is done for the year. (Join hands, bow to Madam Weather, separate, and walk to seats.) — Adapted from the Culture Readers, by permis- sion of Charles E. Merrill Company. THE BEE'S STORY Little Girl Busy bee, busy bee, where is your home ? Bee In truth, little maiden, I live in a comb. Girl That is a funny place to live in. Tell me all about it. Bee Do you mean all about myself? If so, I'll begin at the beginning. Girl Yes, tell me all about yourself, please. 83 84 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Bee Well, in the beginning I was an egg, like the little bird. Only, I was a very tiny egg. Girl Yes, I suppose so. Bee When I came out of the shell, I was a very helpless little grub. The bees fed me with pollen. Girl What is pollen ? Bee We get pollen from the flowers. It is a kind of dust. See — I have some on my back and legs now. Girl Oh, yes, —that yellow stuff. I see. NONSENSE DIALOGUES 85 Bee They fed me with pollen for five days. Then I fell asleep and the bees covered me with wax. Girl What a funny blanket ! Bee When I awoke, I was a little bee. I was very tiny. The bees had to take care of me. I was one of their babies. They had a great many babies. Girl You must have kept them busy ! Bee They fed us every day with bee- bread. We make the bee-bread of 86 NONSENSE DIALOGUES pollen. It is brown and bitter. You would not like it, but we did. They filled the hive with honey, so that we would always have something to eat. Girl Ah, that sounds better ! Bee Some day I will tell you what happened when I grew up. I cannot stop now. I have my day's work to finish. Girl Why must you work so hard? Bee There are baby bees at home to be fed, and we are laying up stores of honey for the winter. I must NONSENSE DIALOGUES 87 gather all the pollen and honey I can before night. We bees are very busy people. Didn't you ever hear the saying, "Busy as a bee"? So good-by, little girl! Z-z-z-z-z ! UMBRELLAS Scene. Mother sewing in corner of room. Two little girls as small and as nearly alike as possible playing Peas Porridge Hot. In rushes big brother. Major It's raining cats and dogs and pitchforks ! Where's there an um- brella ? (Little girls run to window.) Mother My son, if it is raining pitchforks, you will be safer in the house. I would not trust to an umbrella. 88 89 90 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Major Oh, well ! they're coming handles down — and I can dodge them. (Dodges, as if to escape a descending pitchfork.) Mother (Nodding toward children.) You see they believe you. They're looking for the cats and dogs. Major (Runs to children, puts an arm around each, and draws them away to a low seat, where he sits down and takes them on his knees. If Major is too near the size of the little sisters, they can kneel on the floor and rest their elbows on his knees.) There, you dear little geese ! Now keep still while I tell you what I saw NONSENSE DIALOGUES 91 to-day. Every living creature but myself had an umbrella. Lily Not the birds? Major Cock Robin sat under an oak leaf. Rose Not the cows? Major Madam Brindle stood under a tree. Both Sisters Not the bees ! Major Sir Bumble crept into a flower. Rose Not the wood mice ! 92 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Major The wood mouse ran under a toad- stool. Lily Not the frogs ! Major They all jumped into the pond and swam out under the lily pads. Both Sisters (Laughing.) But they got wet, just the same. Major They blinked out at the rain from under their shelter as if they felt very comfortable. Rose Not the ducks ! NONSENSE DIALOGUES 93 Major Ah, there you have me. The ducks waddled out into the rain just as if they had never heard of umbrellas. And the dear little geese stayed at home and heard about it all. (Kisses them both, rises, takes an umbrella, and passes out of the door, kissing his hand to the children, who clap their hands and laugh.) — From the Culture Readers, by permission of Charles E. Merrill Company. A LITTLE MAN Louis (Books under arm.) Oh dear ! I wish I didn't have to go to school. Everything plays but little boys. Here's a swallow. (Whistles.) Swallow, swallow, come here and play with me. Swallow (A little girl who has been flitting from corner to corner of the room, waving her arms like wings.) Indeed, little boy, I have not one moment to play with you. I have so much work to do. 94 NONSENSE DIALOGUES 95 Boy Work ! A swallow work ? You're joking. Swallow No, indeed! I am at work this very minute, looking for mud and sticks and straws and feathers to build my nest with. Then there will be the family to take care of all summer. Boy Well, well! Who would have thought of a happy little bird like you working ; but what you say is true. You do have to build your nests and feed your little ones, or else there would be no more swallows. 96 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Swallow Good-by, little boy! (Flies to seat.) Boy Good-by, swallow ! Ah, here's a caterpillar. Guess I'll poke him up a little and see what he'll do. Will you play with me, caterpillar? Caterpillar (A boy has approached quietly on all fours and pretends to be eating the seat of a chair as if it were a leaf. Raises head and looks at Boy when gently poked with pencil.) Please don't hinder me in my work. Boy (Starts back in astonishment.) Oh, Mama! It can talk! Work, did you say? Why, you do nothing but eat. NONSENSE DIALOGUES 97 Caterpillar That is a caterpillar's work. I've got to eat many times my weight before the summer is over. 98 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Boy And that's where all the pretty leaves go! Well, I'm glad Mr. Swallow works too! Can't you do with less food? Caterpillar I could, but I should not grow to very full size, and I should not have enough of the right kind of stuff in me to make my hammock bed and blankets for winter. Boy Oh, I know what you mean. You mean that bag you hang yourself up in while you are turning into a butterfly. Caterpillar (Proudly.) I mean my chrysalis, little boy. NONSENSE DIALOGUES 99 Boy Yes, I know it has a fine name, and we boys have to spell it. I'd rather you'd call it a b-a-g, bag. Caterpillar You boys are too lazy for any use. Poodle Yap, yap, yap! Boy Ah, here's Joe Wilson's dog Dan- ger. He'll play with me. {Puts out hand to pet poodle, who dances away from him.) Poodle No, indeed ! I've no time to play. I've just saved the house, and I must run back and take care of it. 100 NONSENSE DIALOGUES But I'll let you pass, since I know who you are. Boij Of course you will. But how did you save the house? Poodle A bad man came into the garden, and I ran in and told Mrs. Wilson. He was coming right for the house when she went to the door. In another minute he would have been inside. Boy And what kept him out? Poodle Mrs. Wilson called "Danger, Danger ! " She had shut me in the NONSENSE DIALOGUES, X01 kitchen so that I couldn't get at the man, but that was all the better. Boy (Laughing,) I should think so! But how did you save the house ? Poodle Why, when the man heard the name Mrs. Wilson called me, he thought there must be a big bull dog about, and he went away as quickly as he could. Boy Then it was your name, not you, that saved the house. Poodle But I told her, didn't I? And all night long I sleep with one ear 102 NONSENSE DIALOGUES open, listening for noises that I don't like. If a stranger should come, I'd have the family awake very quickly. Boy Yes, I know. You're a useful little dog. But we boys have to learn to read and write. Poodle Yes, and you boys will be men. Think of that ! Boy That's true. It's a great thing to be a man. I shall live several times as long as the longest-lived dog, and shall learn to do a great many wonderful things. NONSENSE DIALOGUES 103 Poodle Yes, indeed! And if you're going to do the very best that a man can do in your long life, you haven't much time to waste in coaxing other people away from their work. Boy (Tossing up his cap.) Hurrah! I never thought of it before, but what a great thing it is to be a boy! That means that I'm going to be a man some day. I must get to work! Good-by, Danger ! Poodle Yap, yap! OFF FOR DREAMLAND MY BED IS A BOAT Read by voice at back of room. The verses below should be committed to memory. Class should be encouraged to dramatize other favorite poems. My bed is like a little boat ; Nurse helps me in when I embark ; She girds me in my sailor's coat And starts me in the dark. At night I go on board and say " Good-night " to all my friends on shore ; I shut my eyes and sail away \nd see and hear no more. 104 NONSENSE DIALOGUES 105 All night across the dark we steer ; But when the day returns at last, Safe in my room, beside the pier, I find my vessel fast. R. L. Stevenson. Nurse Come, Willy-boy ! It's time to go tobed - Willy But I'm not going to bed, Nursey. Nurse Not going to bed? Where are you going? To Miss Lilly White's party ? {Pretends to undress the child.) Willy Not to-night. Nurse Where then? To the Land of Counterpane ? 106 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Willy Not to-night. Nurse May I go with you where you are going ? Willy No, Nursey. No one can go with me. But perhaps you will come to see me there. Nurse That will be nice. And where is it to be ? Willy I am going out in my sailboat, all alone. Nurse Not in your nightgown, I hope ! NONSENSE DIALOGUES 107 Willy No, Nursey. In my mackintosh. You don't call things by their right names. Nurse • And is this your mackintosh that I am putting over your head ? Willy Yes, Nursey. But it is black and stiff and shiny. You think it is white and soft. You don't see things in their right colors. Nurse And is this your sailboat ? Willy Yes, Nursey. But you think you are lifting me into it. You are not. 108 NONSENSE DIALOGUES You are pulling the boat up to the shore, and I am getting in myself. Nurse And how far will you sail? Willy Oh, far, far away ! Farther than you ever went in a railroad car. Nur'se And what will you see ? Willy Oh, all sorts of things. Tops that talk and kites that take little boys riding, and giants that I shall kill, and fairies that will light the way for me - Nurse And shall you say " Good-by ! " be- fore you go ? NONSENSE DIALOGUES 109 Willy Not "Good-by," because I may meet you there. Besides I am com- ing back in the morning. Nurse Then you will surely say "Good- night ! " Willy Yes, Nursey. Kiss me good-night and sing me a song of the sea. Nurse (Singing.) Sweet and low, Sweet and low, Wind of the western sea ! Low, low, Breathe and blow, Wind of the western sea ! 110 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Over the rolling waters go, Come from the dying moon, and blow, Blow him again to me; While my little one, While my pretty one, sleeps. (Sleepily.) Will V I hear you, Nurse. My boat is sailing far from land. I am rocking on the waves of the deep, deep sea. Your voice sounds far away, but I can hear it still. Keep on singing till I am out of sight. (Singing.) Nurse Sleep and rest, Sleep and rest, Father will come to thee soon; NONSENSE DIALOGUES 111 Rest, rest, On mother's breast, Father will come to thee soon; Father will come to his babe in the nest, Silver sails all out of the west Under the silver moon: Sleep, my little one, Sleep, my pretty one, sleep ! AN ALPHABET GAME A leader may call the letters orally, or the teacher may summon them silently by writing them in order on the blackboard. A, being thus summoned, walks to the front and makes her announcement. As her enemies increase in numbers she retreats into a corner, they following until the overwhelmed pie is quite lost to sight behind the increasing group. (A speaks.) I am an apple pie. My name is A. I am B. I shall bite you. I am C. I shall cut you. I am D. I shall divide you into six pieces for my family. 112 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Ilk I am E. I shall eat you. I am F. I shall fight for my share of you. I am G. I shall get you. I am H. I shall have you. I am I. I shall put icing on you. I am J. I shall jump for you. I am K. I shall keep you. I am L. I shall love you. I am M. I shall make a meal of you. I am N. I shall nibble your edges off. I am an ogre. My name is 0. I shall offer you to my hungry chil- dren. I am P. I shall put you into my mouth. 114 NONSENSE DIALOGUES I am Q. I shall quarter you and eat all four pieces. I am R. I shall run after you. I am S. I shall save you for my supper. I am T. I shall take you. I am U. I shall understand what to do with you. I am V. I vow I shall make you vanish down my throat. I am W. I want you. I am an ox. My name is X. I will excuse you. (The ox returns to his seat.) I am a Yankee. My name is Y. Fll have you yet, if I have to work a year for you. NONSENSE DIALOGUES 115 I am a Zebra. My name is Z. Til never buzz for you. (Zebra returns to seat.) SONG TO CLOSE (Tune, " Shouting the Battle Cry of Freedom." Letters turn, regroup themselves, facing seats, and sing :) Oh, how we all love apple pie, Excepting X and Z ! Shouting the battle cry of freedom. But our brothers now must join us (Beckoning to X and Z, who come forward and join in the chorus.) For we're in the majority, Shouting the battle cry of freedom. Union forever ! Hurrah, boys, hurrah ! 116 NONSENSE DIALOGUES We, as you see us, Make all the books there are. So it's rally round the flag, boys, And live on apple pie, Shouting the battle cry of freedom. (Roll-call. Leader calls off the letters in order in a sharp, authoritative tone, and each in turn answers " Here ! " and goes to seat.) THE HOURS This dialogue may be merely read, parts being assigned. The hours should stand in a line in front of the class. If acted, the children may study their parts and give them in their own words unless the piece is being prepared for some special occasion. The pauses to sepa- rate the hours need not be more than a few seconds each, just long enough for the silence to be felt. The "ng" in "ding" should be prolonged in a ringing voice long enough, to count one. One O'clock Ding-ng-ng ! Mouse (Stealing out from seat.) Is the cat about ? If she is, I hope that noisy clock hasn't waked her. 117 118 NONSENSE DIALOGUES It shouldn't strike the hours when I want it to be very still, so that I may hear Pussy's soft steps. Oh, there she is ! (Another child comes stealing to the front. Mouse runs softly back to seat. Puss takes stand at point of disappearance. A pause.) Two O'clock Ding-ng, ding-ng-ng ! Cat Where did that mouse go ? Fm sure she went into this hole. IVe been waiting here an hour for her. I think Til go back to my cushion. (Retires. A pause.) Three O'clock Ding-ng, ding-ng, ding-ng-ng! NONSENSE DIALOGUES 119 Rooster Cock-a-doodle-do ! Wake up, Johnrty, do ! Run and find your shoe ! Call your sister Sue ! (Rooster should crow from back of room and prolong the oo at the end of each cry. A pause.) Four O'clock Ding-ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding- ng-ng. Housekeeper (In a sleepy voice, speaking from her seat.) Dear me ! I hear wheels. It must be the milkman. How glad I am I don't have to get up and attend to him. (A pause.) 120 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Five O'clock Ding-ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding- ng, ding-ng-ng! Baker (Coming out noisily and making a speaking tube of his hands.) Ba — a — ker ! Want any rolls this morning? Housekeeper (Sleepily.) I won't answer him. It's a new man, but he must have our name on his list. Let him look at that. (Baker examines a slip of paper, pretends to de- posit a loaf, and retires. A pause.) Six O'clock Ding-ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding- ng, ding-ng, ding-ng-ng ! NONSENSE DIALOGUES 121 Housekeeper Well, I suppose I'll have to get up if breakfast is to be ready by half past seven. If that new baker didn't leave any bread, I'll have to make biscuit. {Remains in seat. A pause.) Seven O'clock Ding-ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding- ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding-ng-ng ! Little Girl {Sleepily, speaking from seat.) Was that the clock striking seven ? Then I've got to get up. I don't half like to, this cold morning. Zh-zh-zh ! {Shivering.) But I must be in time for breakfast. {Remains in her seat. A pause.) 122 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Eight O'clock Ding-ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding- ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding- ng-ng . Postman (Whistling through his fingers.) Let— ter! (Housekeeper comes forward, takes letter silently, and examines address. Both retire. A pause.) mne , clock Ding-ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding- ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding- ng, ding-ng-ng! Class (Sings opening hymn. A pause.) Ten O'clock Ding-ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding- ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding- ng, ding-ng, ding-ng-ng ! NONSENSE DIALOGUES 123 Teacher Let us have a few exercises, chil- dren. (Puts class through some short movement from the course in Physical Culture. A pause.) Eleven O'clock Ding-ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding- ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding- ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding-ng-ng ! Monitor (Stepping forward.) Time for recess, children. Let's play Peas Porridge Hot. (Class in couples play the game. A pause.) Twelve O'clock Ding-ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding- ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding- 124 NONSENSE DIALOGUES ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding-ng, ding-ng-ng ! Monitor Dinner hour. Put on your wraps, children. (Children make a feint of putting on coats, hats, and mittens until teacher calls to order.) CLIZA CURTiS A CHRISTMAS JOKE Mamie (Hastening forward excitedly.) Merry Christmas, Susie ! I was just coming over to your house. 125 126 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Susie (Smiling quietly.) Merry Christmas ! And I was coming over to your house. Mamie I wanted to tell you all that was in my stocking this morning. Susie And I wanted to ask you what you found in it. Mamie And yours, too ? What was in it ? Susie All that I wanted was there. Mamie Oh, I had so many things. NONSENSE DIALOGUES 127 Susie And I had only one thing. Mamie Did one thing fill a stocking ? It must have been a doll. I have a new doll, too, but it was on the Christmas tree. Susie So was mine. Mamie Oh, but my stocking was full right to the top ! Susie So was mine. Mamie I told Mama I wished I'd hung up both mine. I believe Santa Claus would have filled them both. 128 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Susie Both mine were filled. Mamie And a Christmas tree too ! My ! But Santa Claus must have been kind to you. Susie But all he brought me was on the tree. Mamie I thought you said he filled both your stockings. Susie No ; I only said they were both filled. Mamie To the top ? Susie To the very top. NONSENSE DIALOGUES 129 Mamie Who filled them ? Susie Somebody. Mamie Where did you hang them ? Susie I didn't hang them anywhere. Mamie Then how did you get them filled ? Susie I put them on. THE ECHO (A DIALOGUE) CHARACTERS Robert William Echo I Robert (Supposed to be in the woods.) Here, Rover! Echo (Child secreted.) Here, Rover ! Robert Who's that ? Echo Who's that ? 130 NONSENSE DIALOGUES 131 Robert (Angrily.) Do you want to know who it is ? Echo Who it is? Robert Come over here, and I'll tell you ! Echo I'll tell you ! Robert Where are you, any way ? Echo Any way ! Robert You're afraid to show yourself ! Echo Show yourself ! 132 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Robert Look here, you chump ! Fll have you arrested. Echo Have you arrested. Robert Me arrested ! Why, this is^ my father's place. Echo My father's place. II William What's the matter, Robert ? Hav- ing a quarrel with your echo ? Echo Your echo ? NONSENSE DIALOGUES 133 Robert See there ! He says it's your echo. There's a bad boy over there ! Echo Over there ! Robert He said he'd have me arrested. Echo Arrested ! Robert Hear that! He repeats every- thing I say. Echo I say. William Ha-ha ! Here's a boy that doesn't know any better than to call him- self names. 134 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Echo Self names ! Robert I never did such a thing in my life. Echo In my life. William See there ! Echo says he didn't either.- Echo Didn't either. Robert I don't see why you don't get angry with him. Echo With him ! Ill William Do you know what I'd look like if I did? If I did ? NONSENSE DIALOGUES 135 Echo Robert Echo (Wonderingly.) No. No. William I'll show you. (Takes out a pocket mir- ror and holds it before Robert.) Do you See that boy in there ? Echo In there ? Robert Yes. What of it ? Echo What of it ? William Shake your fist at him. 136 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Echo At him ! Robert I won't do such a silly thing. Echo Silly thing. William Tell him he's a bad boy. Echo Bad boy. Robert I won't. Echo I won't. William Tell him you'll have him arrested. Echo Arrested. Robert (Laughing.) Do you think I'm going to talk to myself that way ? NONSENSE DIALOGUES 137 Echo That way ? William But that's just what youVe been doing. Echo Been doing ! Robert How so ? Echo How so ? William When you look in the glass, you see yourself. When echo answers, you hear yourself. Echo Hear yourself. Robert Is that all ? Echo That all ? 138 NONSENSE DIALOGUES William Yes, that's all. Good-by ! (Passes on and disappears.) Echo Good-by ! IV Robert (After a moment's deep thought.) Echo, is that true ? Echo That true ? Robert Are you only my voice come back to me ? Echo Back to me? Robert Shall we be friends ? NONSENSE DIALOGUES 139 Echo Be friends? Robert How do you do, Echo? Echo Do, Echo? Robert How are you to-day ? Echo You to-day ? Robert Are you very well ? Echo Very well ? Robert Hurrah ! Echo Hurrah. Robert What's the matter with Echo ? He's all right ! 140 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Echo He's all right ! Robert I see how it is. Echo How it is. Robert The trees are a kind of looking £ laSS - Echo Looking glass. Robert The looking glass hangs on the wall. „ , Echo On the wall. Robert When I go to it, I see my face. Echo See my face. NONSENSE DIALOGUES 141 Robert The trees stay right here. Echo Right here. Robert When I come to them, I hear my voice. Echo Hear my voice. Robert Echo, you're a nice fellow ! Echo Nice fellow ! Robert I'll come and play w r ith you again some day Good-by ! Echo Good-by ! PAYING TOLL Tommy You can't come here. This is my pump. Molly It's your father's pump. Tommy That's the same as if it were mine - Molly But your father always lets me get water here. Tommy Well, I'm not going to unless you pay toll. Molly What's toll? 142 NONSENSE DIALOGUES 143 Tommy Toll is what you pay when you cross the bridge. Molly But I crossed the bridge without paying toll. Tommy That's because I wasn't there. Molly You're not in earnest. Tommy Why don't you get your water if I'm not? Molly You wouldn't be such a mean boy as that. Tommy I'm not a boy. I'm the toll-man. 144 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Molly Oh, I see! You're playing. Tommy Pay your toll and you can have the water. Molly What do you want me to pay you? Tommy One pin. Molly But I haven't a pin Tommy Then you can't have any water. Molly But Aunt Mary's come, and it's a hot day, and Mama wants to give her a cooling drink. NONSENSE DIALOGUES 145 Tommy Then get the toll from your mother. Molly But I don't want to go all the way back for it. Will you lend me a pin? Tommy I haven't one to lend you. Boys don't keep pins about them. Molly I see one in your trousers band. You must have put it there when you were not thinking. Tommy Oh yes ! I forgot I had that one. But I won't lend it to you. 146 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Molly Why not ? Tommy Because people never pay back pins. They say ' Lend me a pin, " but they mean " Give me one." Molly I don't. I'll pay it back, truly. Tommy When ? To-morrow ? Molly To-day. Ill come right back with it. Tommy Honest Injun ? Molly Honest Injun ! NONSENSE DIALOGUES 147 Tommy Cross your heart? Molly Cross my heart ! Tommy All right ! HI lend it to you and you can pay toll with it. Here it is. Molly Thank you ! Here's the toll, Mr. Toll-man. Tommy Now you can take a pitcher of water. But don't forget your promise. SAVING DOLLY'S LIFE Doctor {Sitting down, laying hat and cane beside him on the floor, and putting on spectacles.) Good morning, madam ! Did you telephone for me? Mother {Holding doll on lap.) Yes, indeed, I did, doctor ! Baby has been sick all night. I think it must be measles. Doctor Hm ! Ha ! Yes, I see. She seems to have a great deal of fever. Let me see her tongue. 148 NONSENSE DIALOGUES 149 Mother But, Doctor, she can't put her tongue out. She's too far gone. Doctor As bad as that ? My dear lady, I don't want, to frighten you, but your child has lockjaw. She may not live more than half an hour. Mother Oh, dear me ! Then what shall I do for a baby? Tabby won't do. Jip won't do. Wouldn't it save her life, Doctor, to give her a ride in your express cart ? Doctor My express cart, Madam ? 150 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Mother Oh, I beg your pardon ! I mean your carriage. I forgot you were the doctor. There, there, baby ! Don't cry ! Doctor I think ril leave you now. Mother But, Doctor ! I think I see her smile. She may get well after all. Doctor Let me feel her pulse. (Takes dolly's hand.) Yes, she is growing stronger. She must have something to eat. What is this you have here ? Mother A piece of plum cake, Doctor. I fear that is too rich for the baby. NONSENSE DIALOGUES 151 Doctor Let me see if it is. (Tries it.) Mother Oh, Doctor ! What a big bite ! Doctor Yes, but I shall have to taste it again to make quite sure. It wouldn't do to give a sick baby the wrong kind of food. Mother But, Doctor, you have eaten all my plum cake ! Now I have noth- ing to give the baby. Doctor Give her a cracker. That will do her more good. I had to eat the 152 NONSENSE DIALOGUES cake. It was the only way to save her life. Mother I hope you won't charge very much for eating it, Doctor ! Doctor Oh, no ; I won't send you a bill till my next visit. Good day, Madam ! Mother Good-by, Doctor. (Sees him to the door.) — From the Culture Readers, by permission of Charles E. Merrill Company. SPELLING CONSTANTINOPLE Teacher Let's play school. Who can spell Constantinople ? *Five Pupils (All raising hands.) I can, Miss Books ! I can, Miss Books ! Teacher Very well. Let me hear you. All stand in line. (Arranges them.) Num- ber One, you begin it. First Pupil C-o-n, Con, with a Con. 153 154 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Teacher Very good. Next ! Second Pupil S-t-a-n, stan, with a stan, with a Constan. Teacher That's right. Next ! Third Pupil T-i, ti, with a ti, with a Constanti. Teacher Better still. Next ! Fourth Pupil N-o, no, with a no, with a Con- stantino. Teacher You have learned your lesson well. Next! NONSENSE DIALOGUES 155 Fifth Pupil P-l-e, pie, with a pie, with a Con- stantinople. Teacher There ! I always said I had the best class in the school. You may take recess. (Pupils march to seats singing, "We now can spell Constantinople.' 7 ) 156 THE NEW MAN Teddie There's a new man come to stay with us. Dora What relation is he to you ? Teddie No relation. Dora Then he must be an old friend. Teddie We never saw him till yesterday. Dora Has he come to work for you ? 157 158 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Teddie Not a stroke. Dora Does he pay board ? Teddie Not a dollar. Dora Where does he sit at table ? Teddie He doesn't sit at table. Dora What does he like to eat ? Teddie He takes anything we choose to give him. Dora How does he take his food ? NONSENSE DIALOGUES 159 Teddie I put it into his mouth. Dora Is he sick ? Teddie Not at all. Dora Has he no hands ? Teddie He has two. I ma — (Claps hand over mouth.) Dora What room does he have ? Teddie No room at all. Dora I thought you said he had come to stay with you. 160 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Teddie So I did. Dora How long will he stay with you ? Teddie All his life. Dora Is he very old ? Teddie No. He's quite young. He-he ! (Puts hand to mouth and titters.) Dora Where does he sleep ? Teddie On the lawn. Dora You don't mean to say you let him stay out of doors all night. NONSENSE DIALOGUES 161 Teddie It wouldn't be good for him to come into the house. Dora Why? Teddie He wouldn't live so long. Dora What does he do for a living ? Teddie Watches the front door. Dora Oh ! He's a watchman. Does he wear a uniform ? Teddie Yes. 162 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Dora ^yVhat color ? Teddie All white. Dora That's very foolish. What color is his hair ? Teddie He's quite bald. Dora Poor man ! In this cold weather, too ! What color are his eyes ? Teddie Black. I used pieces of co— 1 (Claps hand to mouth.) Dora Oh, I know ! It's a snow man. WHEN THE TOYS CAME ALIVE . Ned {Standing alone in front of the class.) Now I'm ready to answer any ques- tions you people may want to ask me. Whipping Top (Comes forward and faces him.) You may whip me all you like. What am I ? m My Whipping Top. Next ! (Whipping Top retires. Drum comes forward.) Drum You may beat me, too. But I shall make a big noise if you do. What am I? 163 164 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Ned My Drum. Next {Each questioner in turn retires on being an- swered, and the next steps forward.) Boat The pond was made for you and me and the ducks. What am I ! Ned My Boat. Next . Kite I can climb without a ladder. What ami? Ned My Kite. Next! Spade You push me under, but hold me from falling. What am I ? NONSENSE DIALOGUES 165 Ned My Spade. Next! Knife I hurt you once, and you cried. You have taken better care of me ever since. What am I ? Ned I didn't cry much, Jackknif e ! Do you want me to shut you up and put you in my pocket ? (Jackknif e runs to seat.) Dinner Plate You love me dearly. Yet every day you take all I have away from me. What am I ? Ned Never mind if you are full again next time, Dinner Plate ! 166 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Work You don't love me as well as you ought to. Yet I am making a man of you. What am I? Ned (Shaking hand of Work.) I know, and I thank you, Work ! But excuse me now. It's play time. Back of Neck I have belonged to you all your life ; yet other people can see me and you cannot. What am I ? Ned My heart ? Back of Neck No. Can other people see your heart? NONSENSE DIALOGUES 167 Ned Then I can't guess you. Back of Neck I am the Back of your Neck. Ned (Twisting about, trying to see the back of his neck.) Who says I can't see the Back of myNeCk? Back of Neck Can y° U ? Ned You're right about it. Is the 2 ameU *> ? Back of Neck Here comes one more. •Mother I am your dear aunt's only sister, and I've come to tell you playtime is over, and to put you to bed. 168 NONSENSE DIALOGUES Ned Oh, I suppose you're my Mother. Well, IVe had fun enough for one day, anyway. {Throws arm around mother's neck and kisses her.) — The Primary School. HPHE following pages contain advertisements of books by the same author or on kindred subjects. The Everychild's Series A new and unique series of supplementary readers for all school grades. The books will cover as nearly as may be the entire field of suitable literature, classi- fied somewhat as follows: FOLKLORE AND FAIRY STORIES STORIES OF THE INDUSTRIES GEOGRAPHIC STORIES ORIGINAL STORIES RELATING TO CHILD LIFE STANDARD AND CLASSICAL LITERATURE The page is small, 3! inches by 5^ inches, the type large and clear, making the books easy to read, thus meeting the demands of specialists in child's hygiene. The books will be handsomely illustrated, some in color. To be published the coming spring: Old Time Tales Folklore stories for third or fourth grade, by Kate F. Oswell, author of the American School Readers. Nature Stories for First or Second Grades By Mary Gardner. In Those Days A true story of child life a hundred years ago, for fifth or sixth grade, by Mrs. E. B. Hallock, beautifully illustrated in color. Stories of Great Operas By Millicent S. Bender; the stories of six great German operas, taken from original sources in old German. Nonsense Dialogues Popular folklore in dialogue, for first grade, by Mrs. E. E. K. Warner, author of Culture Readers, and other books. A Fairy Book for Second or Third Grade By Kate F. Oswell. Stories Grandmother Told Fairy and folklore stories for second or third grade, by Kate F. Oswell. Boy and Girl Heroes Stories of child life of famous characters, by Florence V. Farmer, author of " Nature Myths in Many Lands." Historical Plays Famous history stories put in dramatic form for reading, and also for acting by children of the higher, intermediate, or the grammar grades, by Grace E. Bird and Maud Starling. Other books are in preparation. THE MACMILLAN COMPANY Publishers 64-66 Fifth Avenue New York EVERYDAY ENGLISH BOOK ONE By FRANKLIN T. BAKER Professor of English in Teachers College and Supervisor of English in the Horace Mann School AND ASHLEY H. THORNDIKE Professor of English in Columbia University This is the first book of A NEW AND ORIGINAL SERIES OF LANGUAGE BOOKS A HANDY, PRACTICAL, PERFECTLY GRADED, AND BEAUTIFULLY IL- LUSTRATED LANGUAGE BOOK FOR THE FIFTH AND SIXTH GRADES It treats language from a practical point of view rather than the technical. Oral speech is treated first in each lesson. In written speech letter writing is given fullest considera- tion. Common errors of expression, both written and oral, are treated psychologically. All formal instruction is based upon good literature. The illustrations, many of them in color, are suggestive and inspirational. Cloth, i2mo. xv + 240 pages, 40 cents net THE MACMILLAN COMPANY Publishers 64-66 Fifth Avenue New York The Gilbert Arithmetics By C. H. GLEASON and C. B. GILBERT Book I, $.36 Book II, $.40 Book III, $.45 These books are the latest product of recent careful studies on the subject of teaching mathematics to children. They are unique in that they recognize both the scientific claims of the subject and the psycho- logical claims of the student. The present-day demands for a better arithmetic are summed up in the following four classifications : — I — Systematic and sufficient drills on the fundamental combinations to fix them in the memory beyond the power of loss. II — Clear and definite knowledge of essential princi- ples, stated in simple language. III — A close relation between the arithmetic of the school and the problems of common life involv- ing number, especially the problems familiar to children and appealing to them. IV — The scientific or inductive method of approach to new subjects, in order that the knowledge may be real as distinguished from verbal. In the older arithmetics, the two first-named features predominated. These books were strong in drill and in formal statements. They were weak in vital interest and in psychological approach. Hence, the few who mastered them became exact and skilful ; but as the books lacked the essential qualities of interest and simplicity, the great majority of pupils wearied of the long, dry, and barren drills and failed to grasp the principles. The newer books appeal more generally to the interest of children, and pay more attention to the inducing of principles. But they tend too commonly to a disorderly arrangement, a disregard of necessary drill, and a lack of definitive statement. Hence possibly, the frequent complaint of a lack of " thoroughness " or accuracy. The Gilbert Arithmetics retain the virility and efficiency of the older arithmetics and offer as well the simplicity and attractiveness of the newer books. But they are different from both old and new in certain essential respects. THE MACMILLAN COMPANY Publishers 64-66 Fifth Avenue New York The American School Readers By KATHERINE F. OSWELL and C. B. GILBERT A new basal series of school readers of unusually high literary quality Cloth, i2tno PRIMER $.30 This book is unique in that it is from the first lesson to the last a real story of real children, illustrated by photographs. It has a carefully chosen, limited vocabulary averaging about three words to a lesson. In addition to the continued story it contains more children's literature than most primers. FIRST READER $.30 The primer children continue for a short space with new experiences. The greater part of the book is carefully selected and graded childlore. SECOND READER $.35 All high grade literature, prose and poetry, adapted to second grade children, beautifully illustrated. THIRD READER $.40 Children's literature with a vocabulary increasingly difficult, and with longer stories. FOURTH READER $45 A beautifully illustrated collection of high class literature, prose and poetry, chiefly in literary wholes. There are no scraps. FIFTH READER $.50 Six hundred pages of literary wholes carefully graded, with notes and questions for appreciative study. LITERARY READER $.00 An annotated and carefully edited collection of masterpieces suitable for study in higher grades and in rural schools. THE MACMILLAN COMPANY Publishers 64-66 Fifth Avenue New York YB 36899 M69854 ?rrT THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY