WASHINGTON IRVING. 
 
 Washington Irving, the " Geoffrey Crayon " of the delightful " Sketch-book," began to 
 write somewhat late in life. He was born in the state of New York, in the year 1782 ; and, 
 if we mistake not, the papers forming his "Sketch-book" first appeared in a New York 
 magazine, about the year 18"20. His work on the Alhambra originated as follows : — 
 
 Irving and Wilkie, the painter, were fellow-travellers on the Continent, some twenty years 
 since. In their rambles about some of the old cities of Spain, they were more than onc« 
 struck with scenes and incidents which reminded them of passages in the " Arabian Nights." 
 The painter urged Mr. Irving to write something that should illustrate those peculiarities, 
 "something in the ' Haroun-al-Rasciiid ' style," which should have a deal of that Arabian 
 spice which pervades everything in Spain. The author set to work con anion:, and produced 
 two goodly volumes of arabesque sketches and tales, founded on popular traditions. His 
 study was the Alhambra, and the Governor of the Palace gave Irving and Wilkie permission 
 to occupy his vacant apartments there. Wilkie was soon called away by the duties of hi < 
 station; but Washington Irving remained for several months, spell-bound in the old en- 
 chanted pile. " How man}' legends," saith he, " and traditions, true and fabulous — how 
 man}' songs and romances, Spanish and Ariibian, of love, and war, and chivalry, .ire asso- 
 ciated with this romantic pile ! " From this inspiration arose the " Talcs of the Alhambra." 
 
 In 18^3, Mr. Irving, wlio was then the American ambassador at Madrid, succeeded to a 
 large property becjueathed to him by one of the Society of Friends, in the United States, and 
 personally unknown to him. 
 
 It has been well observed, that " there never was a writer whose popularity was more 
 matter of leeling, or more intimate, than Washington Irving; perhaps, because he appealed 
 at once to our simpler and kindliest emotions. His affectiims are those of ' heart and Lome ;' 
 the pictures lie delights to draw are those of natural loveliness, tinted with human sjm- 
 pithies; and, a too unusual thing with tiie writt.'rs of our time, he looks upon God's works 
 and sees that tliey are good. With him the wine of life is not always on the lees. An ex- 
 quisite vein of poetry runs tlirough every page; who does not remember ' the shark glancing 
 like a spectre tln-ough the blue seas '.'" ' 
 
 3021933
 
 THOMAS HOOD.— (From a bust by A. Davis.) 
 
 Thomas Hood, a real wit and humourist, in the best sense of the word, was bom in the 
 Poultry, London, in the year 1798. His father was a native of Scotland, and for many years 
 acting pai-tner in the firm of Vemor, Hood, and Sharpe, extensive booksellers and publishers. 
 " There was a dash of ink in my blood," he writes ; " my father wrote two novels, and my brother 
 was decidedly of a literary turn, to the threat disquietude, for a time, of an anxious parent." 
 Young Hood finished his education at Wanostrocht's Academy, at Camberwell ; and removed 
 thence to a merchant's counting-house in the City, where he realised his own inimitable 
 sketch of the boy " Just set up in Business." 
 
 " Time was I sat upon a lofty stool, 
 At lofty desk, and with a clerkly pen. 
 Began each morning at the stroke of ten 
 To write in Bell and Co.'s commercial school, 
 In Warnford-court, a shady nook and cool, 
 The favourite retreat of merchant men ; 
 Yet would my qoill turn vagrant even 
 
 then, 
 And take stray dips in the Castalian pool. 
 
 Now double entry — now a flowery trope — 
 Iklingling poetic honey with trade wax : 
 Blogg, Brothers — Milton — Grote and Tres- 
 
 cott — Pope — 
 Bristles and Hogg — Glyn, Mills, and Hali- 
 fax — 
 Eogers and Towgood — Hemp — the Bard of 
 
 Hope — 
 Barilla — Bvron — Tallow — Burns, and Flax. 
 
 Mr. Hood's first work was anonymous — his " Odes and Addresses to Great People " — a 
 little, thin, mean-looking sort of a foolscap sub-octavo of poems, with nothing but wit and 
 humour (could it want more?) to recommend it. Coleridge was delighted with the work 
 and taxed Cliarles Lamb by letter with the authorship. 
 
 His next work was "A Plea for the Midsummer Fairies," a serious poem of infinite beauty 
 full of fine passages and of promise. The "Plea" was followed by " Whims and Oddities" — 
 the forerunner cf the Comic Annual. Then came the "Epping Hunt" and the "Dream 
 of Eugene Aram," " Tylney Hall," a novel ; and " Hood's Own ; or, Laughter from Year to 
 Year," a volume of comic lucubrations, " with an infusion of New Blood for General Circu- 
 lation." His " Song of the Shirt" has been sung through the whole length and breadth of 
 the three kingdoms. 
 
 Some sparkling specimens of his genius will be found at pages 76, 79, and 80 of this 
 volume. 
 
 Mr. Hood died on May 3, 1845, at the early age of forty-seven.
 
 MR, CHARLES DICKENS (" BOZ ".) 
 
 OniGlN OF " BOZ." 
 
 A FELLOvr-PASSEXGER with Mu. DicKExs in the Britannia steam-ship, across the 
 Atlantic, inquired of the author the orif^in of his signature " Boz." Mr. Dickens replied that he 
 had a little brother who resembled so much the Moses in the rica;- of Wakefield, that he used 
 to call him Moses also ; but a younj^er girl, who could not then articulate plainly, was in the 
 habit of calling him Bozie or Boz. This simple circumstance made him assume "that name in 
 the first article he risked to the public, and therefore he continued the name, as the lirst effort 
 was approved of. 
 
 GEmALDt, THE CLOWS. 
 
 The father of Grimaldi, the clown, died in 1788, leaving funded property to the amount o 
 £15,000, to be divided between Joe and his brother ; but the executor becoming a bankrupt 
 within a year, the two boys lost the whole of their fortune. Otters of assistance poured in 
 upon them, but all were declined by their mother. Joe stuck to the stage; and, at Drury- 
 Ivane, Mr. Sheridan raised the boy's salary, unasked, to £1 per week; and soon after, his 
 brother John went to sea on board a King's ship. Joseph, though now a mere boy, was far 
 from idle : he had to walk from Drury-Lane to Sadler"? Wells every morning, to attend 
 rehearsals, which then began at ten o'clock ; to be back at Drury-Lane to dinner by two, or 
 go without it; to be back again at Sadler's Wells in the evening, in time for the commence- 
 ment of the performances, at six o'clock ; to go through uninterrupted labour from that time 
 until eleven o'clock, or later ; and then to walk home again, repeatedly after having changed 
 bis dress twenty times in the course o! the night. — Dickens's "Life of Joseph GrimaldL"
 
 MR. JUSTICE HALIBUKTON ("SAM SLICK"). 
 
 Of the rich humour of " the Clockmaker " ot Slickville, which ha3 been characterized as 
 " the sunny side of common sense," the following is a specimen : — 
 
 HOW TO PREVEST APPLE -STEALISG. 
 
 Our old minister, Joshua Hopewell, had an orchard of most particular good fruit, or he 
 ■was a great hand at buddia', graftin', and what not, and the orchard (it was on the south side 
 of the house) stretched right up to the road. Well, there were some trees hung over the 
 fence, I never seed such bearers, the apples hung in ropes, for all the world like strings of 
 onions, and the fiuit was beautiful. >;obody touched the minister's apples, and when other 
 folks lost theirn from the bovs, hisn always liung there like bait to a hook, but there never 
 was 80 much as a nibble at 'em. So I siid to him one day, " Minister," said I, " how on airth 
 do you manage to keep your fruit, that's so exposed, when no one else can't do it nohow ?" 
 *' Why," says he, " they are dreadful pretty fruit, ant they '-" " I guess," said I, " there ant the 
 like on 'em in all Connecticut." Well," says he, " I II tell you the secret, but you needn't let 
 on to no one about it. That are row r.ext the lence, I grafted it myself; I took great pains to 
 
 get the right kind; Isent cleanup to Eoxberry and away down to Squaw- neck Creek." 
 
 I was afeared he was agoin' to give me day and date for every graft, being a terrible long-winded 
 man in his stories, so says I, " 1 know that, minister, but how do you preserve them .'" " Why I 
 was agoin' to tell'^ou," said he, " when you stopped me. That are outward row 1 grafted myself 
 ■with the choicest kind I could find, and 1 succeeded. They are beautiful, but so etarnal sour, no 
 human soul can eat them. Well, the boys think the old minister's grafting has all succeeded 
 about as well as that row, and they sarch no farther. They snicker at my graftin', and I 
 laugh in my sleeve, I guess, at their penetration.'
 
 MR, IIOBLER. 
 
 Who does not remember Francis Hobler, for upwards of half a century principal clerk to tha 
 Lord Mayor, and whose pleasantries relieved the tedium of many a strange case at fne 
 Mansion-house justice- room? He was a man of generous nature, and in him the wretched 
 and unfortunate ever found a compa?sionale and sympathising friend ; he was a constant terror 
 to the confirmed be-rgar and hardened criminal ; the recognition of his keen and penetrating 
 eye, followed by the notice, " I'ou and I are old friends, I think" being always fatal to their 
 pursuits for at least some time to come. 
 
 One illustration of Mr. Hobler's vividness of recollection is very amusing. A daring young 
 thief having been brought up at the Mansion-house on a charge of burglar}-, the old gentle- 
 man eyed him through his glass, and said, " We have seen eacli other before now." " No, we 
 haven't, old bov," was tlie impudent reply; upon which, quietlj- turning on his seat, Mr. 
 Ilobler said, "I think I've an invite of yours," and opening a drawer took out and read, to 
 the great merriment of the listeners, a card printed in the band-writing of the prisoner in 
 red ink, soliciting the favour of liis friends' attendance at a public- house in the Borough, to 
 
 fet "gloriously drunk," and which had been taken from his person on a commitment to 
 ridewell, many years before, as a logue and vagabond. 
 
 In personal appearance, Mr. lIoLiler was a fine, tall, upright, powdered-headed gentleman, 
 of the old school, always neatly, though somewhat eccentrically dressed, in a closely buttoned- 
 up black coat, drab breeches and gaiters, which seemed to be essential to, and form a 
 ])art of his very existence. In fact, it is pretty well ascertained that he was never seen in 
 trousers. 
 
 In his habits he was perfectly regular, and, notwithstanding his advanced age, never rode 
 but always walked to and from his residence in (^)ueen*s-row, I'entonville, and the Mansion- 
 liouse; and with such exactness as to time, that his appearance on any pait of his journey 
 was a sure indication of the precise hour of the day. 
 
 Mr. Hobler quitted the Mansion-house clerkship in ISIG. lie did not long survive his 
 retirement.
 
 LORD BROUGHAM. 
 
 Some men's greatness comes unexpectedly on thorn. It was so with Mr. Brougham, when 
 he was appointed Lord Chancellor. I'wo days before he was in possession of the Great Seal, 
 be had not the remotest idea of being raised to the dignity of Lord Chancellor. Eight days 
 before his elevation, he mentioned in the House of Commons, that the circumstance of the 
 dissolution of the \Vellington Government, which had then taken place, would not induce him 
 to postpone the motion of which he had given notice on Xeicro Slavery more than a few 
 days ; adding, that his position could not possibly be alTected by any new Administration 
 which might be formed. 
 
 Lord Brougham had a great horror of hearing the interminable speeches which some of 
 the junior counsel were in the habit of making, after he conceived every thing had been ssid 
 which could be said on the real merits of the case before the Court by the gentlemen who 
 preceded them. His hints to them to be brief on such occasions were sometimes extremely 
 happy. On one occasion, after listening with the greatest attention to the speeches of two 
 counsel on one side, from ten o'clock till half-])ast two, a third arose to address the Court on 
 the same side. His Lordship was quite unprepared for this additional infliction, and 
 exclaimed: "Wliat! I^Ir. A., are you really going to speak on the same side?" "Yes, my 
 Lord, I mean to trespass on your Lordship's attention for a short time." "Then," said his 
 Lordship, looking the orator signitieantly in the face, and giving a sudden twitch of his nose, 
 " then, Mr. A., you had better cut your speech as short as possible, otherwise you nnist 
 not be surprised if you ses me dozing; for, really, this is more than human nature can 
 endure." The youthful barrister took the. hint; he kept closely to the point at issue — a 
 thing very rarely done by barristers— and condensed his arguments in to a reasonable compass.
 
 (yVc/nm-i^'^ 
 
 MR. J. C. APPERLEY. 
 
 BACCHANALIA. 
 
 An' English sailor, in a state of extreme intoxication, was lying on his back in the street, 
 in Calais. The police considerately placed him on a hand-barrow, with a view of carrying 
 him to his quarters. They had not, however, proceeded far with their load, when Jack, 
 opening his eyes, threw himself violently on the pavement, exclaiming with an oath, that 
 " no Frenchman ehould carry him." lie was placed on the barrow, hut he could nut be 
 kept there. as he was an unusually powerful man ; but his falls had the efl'ect of sobering liim. 
 
 But a richer scene than this with a drunken man was witnessed some years ago, in the 
 suburbs of Dublin. He was lying on his face, by the roadside, apparently in a state of 
 physical unconsciousness. " He is dead," said a countryman of liis, who was looking at 
 him. "Dead !" replied another, who had turned him with his face uppermost; "by the 
 powers, I wish I had jnst half his disase .'" — in other words, a moiety of the whiskey he had 
 drunk. 
 
 A country gentleman, after dinner, laid hard siege to his hostess' wine, depjiiteof her press- 
 ing invitations to taste her "excellent made wines, for which she had always been so 
 famed." Having at length prevailed, she ventured to ask for an opinion. " 1 always give a 
 candid one," said her guest, " where eating and drinking are concerned. It is admirable 
 stuff to catch Jlies." 
 
 One of a dinner party, who mistook some Cape wine for lladeira. putting it to his lips 
 exclaimed, loud enough for his host to hear, " Oh, hang this Ca|)e! I wish the place was 
 sunk;" and this was the last time the vile stull" appeared at that table.
 
 RAILWAY 
 ANECDOTE BOOK 
 
 X 
 
 ^ 
 
 AxECDOTES have enjoyed so wide a range of public favour, that it is trusted the present 
 attempt to apply them to beguile the monotony of a Railwa}' Journey, may be received with 
 like indulgence. As conveying the conversational opinions and peculiarities of many cele- 
 brated individuals, the present assemblage, from the variety and authenticity of its sources, 
 will, it is believed, be found to possess attractions of no common order; and with this brief 
 letter of introduction, we proceed to the more pleasurable duty of a Companion to the 
 Railway Caniage. 
 
 bad's the best. 
 Mr. Canning was once asked by an 
 English clerg\'man how he had liked the 
 sermon he had preach';d before him. " Why, 
 it was a short sermon," quoth Canning. 
 " Oh yes," snid the preacher ; " you know 1 
 avoid being tedious." " Ah, but," replied 
 Canning, " you ivere tedious," 
 
 FOKfE OF HABIT. 
 
 It has been told of the late Mr. Peter 
 Moore, and was actually true of Secretary 
 Scraggs, ^\■ho began life as a footman, that 
 in the days of his opulence he once handed 
 some ladies into their carriage, and then, 
 from the mere force of habit, got up behind. 
 
 COr.EIUDOE A.vn THE JEWS. 
 
 Coleridge relates : '• I have had a good 
 deal to do with Jews in the course of mj' life, 
 although I never borrowed &nj money of 
 them. The other day I was what you may 
 caXl floored by a Jew. He passed me several 
 limes, crying for old clothes in the most nasal 
 and extraordinary tone I ever heard. At 
 last, I was so provoked, that I said to him : 
 •Pray, why can't you say "old clothes" in 
 a plain way, as I do'now ?' The Jew stopped, 
 and, looking ver}- gravel}' at me, said, in a 
 clear and even fine accent, 'Sir, I can say 
 " old clothes" as well as you can ; but if you 
 had to say so ten times a minute, for an hour 
 together, you would say ogh do as I do now ;' 
 and so he marched olf. 1 was so confounded 
 with the justice of his retort, that I followed 
 and gave him a shilling, the only one I had. 
 
 " Once I sat in a coach opposite a Jew ; 
 a sj-mbol of old clothes-bags ; an Isaiah of 
 Holywell-stroet. He would close the win- 
 dow; I opened it. lie closed it again; upon 
 which, in a very solemn tone, I said to him : 
 'Son of Abraham! thou smellest; son of 
 Isaac! thou art oflfensive; son of Jacob! 
 thou stinkest foully. Sec the man in the 
 moon! he is holding his nose at that dis- 
 tance: dost thou think that 1, sitting here, 
 can endure it any longer?' My Jew was 
 astounded, opened" the window forthwith 
 himself, and said, ' ho was sorry he did not 
 know before x was so great a gentleman.' " 
 
 IRISH TEMPED ANCE. 
 
 A gentleman from Ireland, on entering a 
 London tavera, saw a countryman of his, a 
 Tipperary squire, sitting over his pint of wine 
 in the coffee-room. " Blood an' 'ounds ! my 
 dear fellow," said he ; '■'• what are you about ? 
 For the honour of Tipperary, don't be after 
 sitting over half a pint of wine in a house 
 like this." "Make yourself aisy, country- 
 man," was the reply; "it's the sevenih I 
 have had, and every one in the room knows 
 it." 
 
 JOHNSON AND KOOTE. 
 
 The most striking testimony that has been 
 borne to Foote's colloquial powers is that 
 furnished by Dr. Johnson, who says, "The 
 first time I was in company with Foote was 
 at Fitzhcrbcrt's. Having no good opinion of 
 the fc'llow, I was resolved not to be pleased ; 
 and it is very ditlicultto please a man against 
 his will. I went on eating my dinner pretty 
 sullenly, afiecting not to mind him; but the 
 chap was so very comical that 1 was obliged 
 to lay down my knife and fork, and fairly 
 laugh it out. He was irresistible." 
 
 BRIEF ABSTINENCE. 
 
 A hon-vivant being observed by a friend, 
 who had not seen him for a long time, to 
 be downcast in his countenance, and very 
 unlike himself, was asked whether anything 
 serious had befallen him. " Nothing"of the 
 sort," v,-as his replj' ; "but I am quite an 
 alfvrcd character. I iiave loft off dnnking." 
 " Indeed !" replied his friend, rather astounded 
 at the assertion; "and since when?" " Since 
 two o'clock this morning," was the facetc 
 reply ; the speaker's countenance recovering 
 its usual cast of good-humour and mirth. 
 
 MARCH OF INTELLECT. 
 
 A beggar, some time ago, ajiplicd for ahna 
 at the door of a partisan of the Antibegging 
 Society. After in vain detailing his manifold 
 sorrows, the inexorable gentleman peremp- 
 torily dismissed him. "Goawaj%" said he; 
 "go — we canna gie ye naething." " You 
 might, at least," replied the mendicant, with 
 an air t^f great dignity and archness, " have 
 refused me grammatically."
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 s, KEKOR CORRECTED. 
 
 ^ The Rev. Sydney Smith, preaching a 
 charity sermon, frequently repeated the as- 
 sertion that, of all nations. Englishmen were 
 most distinguished for generosity and tlie 
 love of their species. The collection hap- 
 pened to be inferior to his expectations, and 
 he said that he had evidently made a great 
 mistake, for that his expression should have 
 been, that they were distinguished for the 
 love of their specie. 
 
 QUID PRO QUO. 
 
 V Turner, the painter, is a ready wit. Once, 
 
 at a dinner, whei'e several artists, amateurs, 
 and literary men were convened, a poet, by 
 Vfay of being facetious, proposed as a toast 
 the health of the painters and glaziers of 
 Great Britain. The toast was drunk, and 
 Turner, after returning thanks for it, proposed 
 the health of the British paper-stainers. 
 
 v^ THE DUKE AND THK IIACICSEY-COACHMAN. 
 
 'A The Duke of Saxe-Weimar, when in New 
 
 York, went one evening in a hackney-coach 
 to a party, and the next day was called 
 upon by the driver for his fare, who asked 
 the Duke whether he was the 7na7i he had 
 driven the night before ; and, tn being 
 answered in the atfirm:itive, informed him 
 that "he was the gentleman that drove him," 
 and that he had come for his half-dollar. 
 
 SOGULAR PRESENTIMENT. 
 
 •' Iron legs" Grimaldi had a profound 
 dread of the 14th day of the month. At its 
 approach, he was always nervous and dis- 
 quieted : directly it had passed, he was 
 another man again, and invariably exclaimed, 
 Ui his broken English, " Ah ! now I am safe 
 .* another month." Yet he, at length, died 
 ,n the 14th of March. He was born, cSnis- 
 cened, and married, on the 14th of the month. 
 
 HOT AND COLD. 
 
 An Irishman discovered a part of the wood- 
 work of a chimney-piece on tire, that endan- 
 gei'ed the whole house. lie rushed up-stairs 
 to his master, and announced the alarming 
 intelHgeuce. Do^vn he ruined with him. A 
 large kettle of boiling water was on the fire. 
 " Well, why don't you put out the fire ?" " I 
 can't, surr." " Why, you fool ! pour the water 
 upon it." " Sure, it's' hot water, surr." 
 
 UNION OF LITERARY €■ IMPOSITIONS. 
 
 At a large literary party in Edinburgh, in 
 the couiSS of conversation, it was mentioned 
 that a certain well-knowu Hterarv character 
 had written two poems, one called '• The 
 Pebble," the other -'The Ocean;" that he 
 was urt'oring them to the booksellers, who, 
 however, would not accede to his terms of 
 publication ; and that the worth}- aullior 
 was, theretore, puzzled not a little as to what 
 he should do with his productions.- " Why," 
 remarked a sarcastic gentleman who was 
 present, " I think the doctor could not do 
 better than throw the one into the other." 
 
 LEARNING GREEK. 
 
 A shoemaker in Piccadilly, determined to 
 astonish the world, had put up a motto from 
 Euripides over his window. Bannister hap- 
 pened to be passing with Person. "That is 
 Greek," said Bannister. "What! are j'ou 
 acquainted with Greek?" asked the Profes- 
 sor, with a laugh. " I know it by sight," 
 was the happy reply. 
 
 SOLECISM IN MANNERS. 
 
 The Duke of Sussex was at one period a 
 determined angler, and kept a punt at Shep- 
 perton for the purpose. Here he was at- 
 tended by the famous Ptter Purdy, who inva- 
 riably answered '• Yes," or " No, your Koyal 
 Rodney," to an}' questions which the Duke 
 asked. Peter, on being reminded of the 
 great mistake he thus committed, said that 
 for tlie life of him he could not help it. He 
 had heard so much of Lord Rodney from 
 his father, who was one of his crew,. that he 
 protested he could think of no other name 
 whenever he spoke to a great man. ,^ 
 
 THE PATE d'AMOUR. . 
 
 Ude, when in Paris, had fallen in love, and y< 
 matters were riearl}- brought to matrimony 
 Previous to this conclusion, Ude, however, 
 prudently made a calculation (he being ?.n 
 excellent steward) of the expenses of mar- 
 ried life, and in the estimate set down 
 Madame's expenditure at so many louis. 
 Now, Ude customarily conveyed his billets 
 in an envelope of pate d'Amande ; but, un- 
 fortunately, in the confusion of love and 
 cooker}-, the estimate of housekeeping was 
 sent instead of the proposal. The next day, 
 Ude w-as apprized of his mistake by a letter 
 from his mistress, stating the high estima- 
 tion in which she held M. Ude; but that, as 
 
 louis were too small an allowance for a 
 
 woman of fashion, she must decline the honour 
 of becoming Madame Ude. The story got 
 wind, and, by a sort of lucus-a-non-lucendo 
 analogy, the name of Pate d'A]nande was 
 changed into Pate d' Amour. 
 
 FAMILIAR BLANK VURSE. 
 
 John Kemlde's most familiar table-tallc 
 often flowed into blaiik verse. Sir Walter 
 Scott used to chuckle with particular glee 
 over the recollection of an excursion to the 
 vale of Ettrick, near which river the parties 
 were pursued by a bull. "Come, King John," 
 said he, "we must even take the water;" 
 and accordingly he and his daughter 
 plunged into the stream. But King John 
 halting ou the bank, exclaimed, in his usual 
 solemn manner, 
 
 " The flood is angry. Sheriff, 
 Methinks I'll get me up into a tree." 
 In the same strain was Mis. Siddons ac- 
 customed to talk. Scott (who was a capital 
 mimic) often repeated her tragic exclamation 
 to a foot-boy, during a dinner at Ashestiel — 
 " You've brought me water, boy ; I a^ed for 
 beer."
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 pRom Aim LOSS. 
 
 Montaigne has a pleasant atory of a little 
 boT, who, when his mother had lost a law- 
 suit which he had always heard her speak of 
 as a perpetual cause of trouble, ran up to her 
 in great glee to tt 11 her of the loss as a matter 
 for congratulatiou and joy; the poor child 
 thinking it vr^B like losing a cough, or any 
 other bodily ailment. 
 
 A SIEVE OF A MAN. 
 
 George II. once observed of the lord- 
 steward of his household, just dead, that 
 '• he had a great many good qualities, but 
 he was a sieve ! " Upon this, VValpolc re- 
 marks: "It is the last receiver into which 
 I should have thought his Majesty would 
 have poured gold." 
 
 MOLIERE'S PHYSI' IAS. 
 
 Though an habitual valetudinarian, Mo- 
 liere relied almost upon the temperance of 
 his diet for the re-establishment of his health. 
 "What use do you make of our physician?" 
 said the King to him one day. '• We chat 
 together. Sire,'' said the poet. " He gives 
 me his prescii])tiou9: I never follow them; 
 and so I get well." 
 
 CUTTING AN ACQUAnJTANCE. 
 
 George Selwyn h.ippening to be at Bath 
 when it was nearly empty, was induced, for 
 the mere purpose of killing time, to cultivate 
 the acquaintance of an elderly gentleman he 
 was in the habit of meeting at the Kooms. 
 In the height of the following season, Selwyn 
 encountered his old associate in St. James's- 
 Btreet. He endeavoured to pass unnoticed, 
 but in vain. "What! don't you recollect 
 me?" exclaimed the aittee. "1 recollect 
 you perfectlv," replied Selwjn; "and when 
 I next go to Batli I shall be most happy to 
 become acquainted with you again." 
 
 Sm JAMES MACKINTOSH. 
 
 Sir James Mackintosh had a great deal 
 of humour ; and, among mauy other ex- 
 amples of it, he kept a dinner party at his 
 own house for two or three hours in a roar of 
 laughter, playing upon the simplicity of a 
 Scotch cousin, who had mistaken t!ie Kev. 
 Sydney Smith for his gallant synonym, the 
 hero of Acre. 
 
 Curran, when Master of the Rolls, said to 
 Mr. Grattm, "You would be the greatest 
 man of j'our age, Grattan, if you would buy 
 a few yards of red tape, and tie up your bills 
 and papers." This was the fault or mis- 
 fortune of Sir James Mackintosh: he never 
 knew the use of red tape, and was utterly 
 unfit for the common business of life. That 
 a guinea represents a quantity of shillings, 
 and that it would barter for a quantity of 
 cloth, he was well aware ; but the accurate 
 number of the baser coin, or the just mea- 
 surement of the manulactured articles to 
 ■which he was entitled for his gold, he could 
 never learn, and it was impossible to teach 
 him. 
 
 DlSTlScnOKS OF DKBBS. 
 
 Tlie meeting of two gentlemen in the thea- "^ 
 tTS lobby is a happy illii.stration of the con- 
 fusion a similarity of dress occasions. Coming 
 from different points, each in a great hurry, 
 one addressed the other with, " Pray, are 
 you the box-keeper ? " " No," replied the 
 other; "are you?" 
 
 A GREENLAND PAMILT. 
 
 Captain Graah, on inquiring how many 
 children a Greenlander was blessed with, was 
 answered " four." His wife, however, coh- 
 tradicted him, declaring there were " five ; " 
 nor could they agree about the matter till 
 they counted them on their fingers, the only 
 arithmetical powers of which they had any 
 knowledge. Their names were, in EnglLsh, 
 Lamp-soot, Kound-knife, Child's-jacket, 
 Blubber, and Old. 
 
 8.MOIKSO MANNERS. ( 
 
 A Kentuckian visited a merchant at Xow --n-)- 
 York, with whom, after dinner, he drank 
 wine and smoked cigars, spitting on the 
 carpet, much to the annoyance of his host, 
 who desired a spittoon to be brought for his 
 troublesome visitor; he, ho>vever, pushed it 
 away with his foot, and when it was res- 
 placed, he kicked it aAvay again, quite un- 
 aware of its use. When it had been thrice 
 replaced, the Kentuckian drawled out to 
 the servant who had brought it : "I tell yon 
 what ; you've been pretty considei'able 
 troublesome with that ere thing, 1 gui-ss ; 
 if you put it there again, I'm hung if 1 don't 
 spit iu it." 
 
 ANCESTRAL DISPUTE. 
 
 The late Mr. Huddlestone believed himself 
 to be lineally descended from Athelsfane,9i 
 which his name was allowed to be an un- 
 deniable corruption ; and amongst others 
 bj' the late Duke of Norfolk. Tliese two 
 worthies often met over a bottle to discuss 
 the respective pretensions of their pedigrees; 
 and on one of these occasions, when Mr. 
 Huddlestone was dining with the Duke, the 
 discussion was prolonged till the descendant 
 of the Saxon Kings fairlj' roiled from hia 
 chair upon the floor. One of the younger 
 members of the family hastened, by the 
 Duke's desire, to re-est.iblish him, but he 
 sternly repelled the proflered hand of the 
 cadet. " Never," he hiccuped out, " shall it 
 be said that the head of the house of Hud- 
 dlestone was lifted from the ground by a 
 younger branch of the house of Howard." 
 '• Well, then, my good old friend," said the- 
 good-natured Duke, " 1 must tiy what I can 
 do for you myself. The head of the house of 
 Howard is too drunk to pick up the head of 
 the house of Huddlestone, but he will lie 
 down beside him wi;h all the pleasure in the 
 world :" so saying, the Duke also took hio 
 pl:u'e upon the floor. The concluding part of 
 this anecdote has been plagiarised, and ap- 
 plied to other people, but the authenticity of 
 this version maybe relied on. — Quarterly Re- 
 view. 
 
 B 2
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 TURNPIKE-ROADS V. RAILWAYS. 
 
 The first important attempt made to im- 
 prove the commuuicatioDS of Great Britain 
 took place in the reign of Charles II. In 
 the sixteenth year of the reign of that 
 Monarch was established the first tnrnpike- 
 road where toll was taken, which inter- 
 sected the counties of Hertford, Cambridge, 
 and Huntingdon. It long remained, how- 
 ever, an isolated line of communication ; and 
 it was little more than a century ago that 
 any extensive or eiiectual attempts were 
 made, of a general character, to construct a 
 good S3'steui of roads through the country. 
 
 Until the middle of the eighteenth cen- 
 turj', most of the merchandise which was 
 conveyed from place to place in Scotland was 
 transported on pack-horses. Oatmeal, coals, 
 turf, and even hay and straw, were carried in 
 this manner through short distances; but 
 when it was necessary to carry merchandise 
 between distant places, a cart was used, a 
 horse not being able to transport on his back 
 a sufficient quantity of goods to pay the cost 
 of the journey. 
 
 The time required by the common carriers 
 to complete their journey seems, when com- 
 pared with our present standard of speed, 
 quite incredible. Thus, it is recorded that 
 the carrier between Selkirk and Edinburgh, 
 a distance of thirty- eight mUes, required a 
 fortnight for his journey, going and return- 
 ing. The road lay chiefly along the bottom 
 of the district called Gala-icater, the bed of 
 the stream, when not flooded, being the 
 ground chosen as the most level and easy to 
 travel on. 
 
 In 1G78, a contract was made to establish 
 a coach for passengers between Edinburgh 
 and Glasgow, a distance of forty-four miles. 
 This coach was drawn by six horses, and the 
 journey between the two places, to and fro, 
 was completed in six daj-s. Even so re- 
 cently as the year 1750, the stage-coach 
 from Edinburgh to Glasgow took thirty-six 
 bours to make the journey. In 1849, the 
 same journey was made, by a route three 
 miles longer, in one hour and a half ! 
 
 In the year 1763 there was but one stage- 
 coach between Edinburgh and London. This 
 started once a month from each of these 
 cities. It took a fortnight to perform the 
 journey. At the same epoch the journey 
 between London and York required four 
 days. 
 
 In 1 835 there were seven coaches started 
 daily between London and Edinburgh, which 
 performed the journey' in less than foriy- 
 eight hours. In the present year, 181:9, the 
 same journey is performed by railway io 
 twelve hours ! 
 
 In 1763, the number of passengers con- 
 veyed by the coaches between London and 
 Edinburgh could not have exceeded about 
 twenty- five monthlt/, and by all means of 
 conveyance whatever did not exceed fifty. 
 In 1835, the coaches alone conveyed between 
 these two capitals about one hundred and 
 forty i-assengers daily, or four thousand 
 
 monthly. But, besides these, several steam- 
 ships, of enormous magnitude, sailed weekly 
 between the two places, supplying all the 
 accommodation and luxury of floating 
 hotels, and completing the voyage at the 
 same rate as the coaches, in less than forty* 
 eight hours. 
 
 As these steam- ships conveyed at least as 
 many passengers as the coaches, we may es- 
 timate the actual number of passengers 
 transported between the two places monthly 
 at eight thousand. Thus the intercourse be- 
 tween London and Edinburgh in 1835 was 
 one hundred and sixtj' times greater than in 
 1763. At present the intercourse is increased 
 in a much higher ratio, by the improved fa- 
 cility and greater cheapness of railway 
 transport. 
 
 Arthur Young, who travelled in Lanca- 
 shire in 1770, has left us in his ■' Tour " the 
 following account of the state of the roads 
 at that time : — " I know not," he says, " in 
 the whole rangeof language, terms sutficientl.*)^ 
 expressive to describe this infernal road. Let 
 me most seriously caution all travellers who 
 may accidentally propose to travel this ter- 
 rible countrj- to avoid it as they would the 
 devil, for a thousand to one they break their 
 necks or their limbs by overthrows or break- 
 ings down. They will here meet with ruts 
 which I actually measured, four feet deep, 
 and floating with mud, only from a wet 
 summer. What, therefore, must it be after 
 a winter? The only mending it receives is 
 tumbling in some loose stones, which serve 
 no other purpose than jolting a carriage in 
 the most intolerable manner. These are not 
 merely' opinions, but facts; for I actually 
 passed three carts broken down in these 
 eighteen miles of execrable memor}'." 
 
 And again he says (speaking of a turn- 
 pike-road near Warrington, now superseded 
 by the Grand Jmiction Railway), " This is a 
 paved road, most infamously bad. Any per- 
 son would imagine the people of the country 
 had made it with a view to immediate de- 
 struction, for the breadth is only sufficient 
 for one carriage ; consequentlj' it is cut at 
 once into ruts ; and you may easilj' conceive 
 what a break-down, dislocating road, ruts 
 cut through a pavement must be." 
 
 Nor was the state of the roads in other 
 parts of the north of England better. He 
 says of a road near Newcastle, now super- 
 seded by a rail waj', "A more dreadful road 
 cannot be imagined. I was obliged to hire 
 two men at one place to support my chaise 
 from overturning. Let me persuade all tra- 
 vellers to avoid this terrible country, which 
 must either dislocate their bones with broken 
 pavements, or bury them in muddy sand. It 
 is only bad management that can occasion 
 such very miserable roads in a country so 
 abounding with towns, trade, and manu- 
 factures." 
 
 Now, it so happens that the precise ground 
 over which Mr. Young travelled in this 
 manner less than eighty j'ears ago, is at pre- 
 sent literally reticulated with raihva^)-s, upon
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 which tens of thousands of passengers are 
 daily transported, at a speed varjing from 
 thirty to titty miles an hour, in carriages 
 affording no more inconvenience or discom- 
 fort than Jlr. Young suffered in 1770, when 
 reposing in his drawingroora in his arm- 
 chair. 
 
 Until the close of the last centmy, the in- 
 ternal transport of goods in England was 
 performed by waggon, and was not onl}' in- 
 tolerably slow, but so expensive as to ex- 
 clude every object except manufactured ar- 
 ticles, and such as, being of light weight and 
 small bulk in proportion to their value, would 
 allow a high rate of transport. Thus the 
 charge for carriage by waggon from London 
 to Leeds was at the rate of £13 a ton, being 
 ISgd. per ton per mile. Between Liverpool 
 and Manchester it was 40s. a ton, or lod. 
 per ton per mile. Heavy articles, such 
 as coals and other materials, could only 
 be available for commerce where their 
 position favoured transport by sea, and, 
 consequently, man}' of the richest dis- 
 tricts of the kingdom remained unpro- 
 ductive, awaiting the tardy advancement of 
 the art of transport. Coals are now carried 
 upon railways at a penny per ton per mile, 
 and, in some places, at even a lower rate. 
 Merchandise, such as that mentioned above, 
 which was transported in 1763 at from 14d. 
 to 15d. per mile, is now carried at from 3d. 
 to 4cl, while those sorts which are heavier 
 in proportion to their bulk are transported at 
 2^d. per ton per mile. 
 
 But this is not all : the waggon transport 
 formerly practised was limited to a speed 
 which in its most improved state did not ex- 
 ceed twenty-four miles a day, while the pre- 
 sent tnmsport by railway is effected at the 
 rate of from twelve to fourteen miles an 
 hour. — From Dr. Lardner's valuable Rail- 
 way Kconomy. 
 
 ODD FORESIGHT. 
 
 Lady Margaret Herbert asked somebody 
 for a. pretty pattern for a night-cap. "Well," 
 said the person, " what signifies the pattern 
 of a night-cap?" "Oh! child," said she, 
 " but you know, in case of fire I" 
 
 KEEPING HOLIDAYS. 
 
 >^ There are many advantages in varict}' of 
 conditions, one of which is boasted of by a 
 divine, who rejoices that, between both classes, 
 " all the holidays of the church are properly 
 kept, since the lich observe the feasts, and 
 the poor observe the fasts." 
 
 USFAIK ADVANTAGE. 
 
 One of the best things lately said upon 
 age — a very ticklish subject, by the way — 
 was the observation of Mr. James Smith to 
 Mr. Thomas Hill. " Hill," said the former 
 cjentleman, " you take an unfair advantage 
 ■j{ an accident : the register of your birth 
 was burnt in the Great Fire of London, and 
 you avail yourself of the circumstance to g^ve 
 out that you are younger than you are." 
 
 VALUE OF APPLAUSE. 
 
 Some one remarked to Mrs. Siddons that 
 applause was necessarj- to actors, as it gave 
 them confidence. " More," replied the ac- 
 tress ; " it gives us breath." 
 
 PRACTICAL WIT. 
 
 Talleyrand not only said, but did many 
 witty things. On the death of Charles Xl, 
 he drove through Paris for a couple of days, 
 wearing a white hat. He carried a crape in 
 his pocket. When he passed through the 
 Faubourg of the Carlists, the crape was in- 
 stantly twisted round his hat ; when he came 
 into the quarter of the Tuileries, the crape was 
 instantly slipt off and put into his pocket 
 again. 
 
 HOW TO ENJOY A VENISON FEAST. 
 
 At a venison feast, Sir Joshua Reynolds 
 addressed his conversation to one of the com- 
 pany who sat next to him, but, to hi» great 
 sui-prise, could not get a single word in 
 answer, until at length his silent neighbour, 
 turning to him, said, " Sir Joshua, whenever 
 you are at a venison fenst, I advise you not 
 to speak during dinner-time, as in endea- 
 vouring to answer your questions, I have 
 just swallowed a fine piece of fat without 
 tasting its flavour." 
 
 CHAIJGING HATS. 
 
 Barry, the painter, was with Xollekens, at 
 Rome, in 1760, and they were extremely 
 intimate. Barry took the liberty one night, 
 when they were about to leave the English 
 cofl'ee-house, to exchange hats with him. 
 Barrj-'s was edged with lace, and XoUekens's 
 was a very shabby, plain one. Upon his 
 returning the hat the next morning, he was 
 asked by Nollekens why he left him his 
 gold-laced hat. " Why, to tell you tlie truth, 
 my dear Joey," answered Barry, " 1 lull}- ex- 
 pected assassination last night; ;uid I was 
 to have been known by mj* laced hat." Nol- 
 lekens used to relate the story, adding, " It's 
 what the Old Bailey people would call a true 
 bill against Jem." 
 
 EASY CCRK. , 
 
 Dr. Moore, author of " Zeluco," used to ^ 
 say that at least two-thirds of a physician's 
 fees were for imaginary complaints. Among 
 several instances of this nature, he mentions 
 one of a clothier, who, after drinking the 
 Bath waters, took it into his head to try 
 Bristol Hot Wells. Previous, however, to 
 his setting off, he requested his physician to 
 favour him with a letter, stating his case to 
 any brother Galen. This done, the patient 
 got into a chaise, and started. After pro- 
 ceeding half-way, he felt an itch to pry intc 
 the contents of the letter, when the follow- 
 ing words presented themselves : — " Dear sir 
 the bearer is a fat Wiltshire clothier ; make 
 the most of him." It is almost unnecessary 
 to add that his cure was from that moment 
 effected, as he ordered the chaise to tm-n, and 
 immediately proceeded home.
 
 6 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 LATE TO DINNER. 
 
 The most unpunctual persons ever known 
 were two brothers, celebrated time immemo- 
 rial in the place-holding world. The late 
 Lord Dudley used to say of them, that if you 
 asked Robert for Wednesday, at seven, you 
 would have Charles on Thursday, at eight. 
 
 MAKING CHAMPAGNE. 
 
 The knavish hotel-keepers of Nassau mix 
 the mineral water with wine and sugar, and 
 sell the compound for champagne. A recent 
 traveller overheard a waiter at Fachingen 
 ask his master whether he might serve the 
 English gentlemen with the champagne 
 made in the morning ! 
 
 ,. miser's charitt. 
 
 /^ An illiterate person, who always volun- 
 teered to "go round with the hat," but was 
 suspected of sparing his own pocket, over- 
 hearing once a hint to that etiect, replied, 
 "Other gentlemen puts down what they thinks 
 proper, and so do I. Charity's a private con- 
 cern, and what I give is nothing to nobody." 
 
 PRINCELY " BESPEAK." 
 
 When the Marchioness of Yavi, at Potosi, 
 expressed a desire to see a favourite play, it 
 was immediately commanded by the Marquis, 
 who, taking the whole house at his own ex- 
 pense, distributed the tickets among the fa- 
 shionable world, and had the theatre supplied 
 with refreshments of every kind, as a private 
 party. 
 
 PET ANIMALS. 
 
 One often sees persons of rough natures 
 and unfeeling hearts bestow extraordinary 
 attention upon favourite animals. The French 
 Eevolutionists presented some extraordinary 
 instances of this anomalous aftection. Citi- 
 zen Couthon, a Hercules in crime, fondled 
 and invariably carried in his bosom, even to 
 the Convention, a little spaniel, as a vent for 
 the exuberant sensibilities which overflowed 
 his afl'ectionate heart. This tenderness for 
 some pet animal was by no means peculiar 
 to Couthon : it seemed rather a common 
 fashion with the gentle butchers of the Re- 
 volution. M. George Duval informs us that 
 Chaumette had an aviary, to which he de- 
 voted his harmless leisure ; the murderous 
 Fournier carried on his shoulders a pretty 
 little spaniel, attached by a silver chain; 
 Panis bestowed the simplicity of his affec- 
 tions upon two gold pheasants ; and Marat, 
 who would not abate one of the 300,000 
 heads he demanded, reared doves! Apropos 
 of the spaniel of Couthon, Duval gives us an 
 amusing anecdote of Serjent, not one of the 
 least relentless agents of the massacre of Sep- 
 tember. A lady came to implore his protec- 
 tion for one of her relations confined in the 
 Abbey. He scarcely deigned to speak to 
 ber. As she retired in despair, she trod by 
 accident upon the paw of his favourite spa- 
 niel. Serjent, turning round, enraged and 
 furious, exclaimed, " Madame, have you no 
 livmanityf 
 
 BENEFIT OF COMPETITION. 
 
 Pope, when he first saw Garrick act, ob- 
 served, " I am afiaid that the young man will 
 he spoiled, for he will have no competitor !" 
 
 Sheridan's payment. 
 Sheridan had a Bardolph countenance, with 
 heavy features, but his eyes possessed the 
 most distinguished brilliancy. Mathews said 
 it was very simple in Mr. Moore to admire 
 how Sheridan came by the means of paying 
 the price of Drury-Lane Theatre, when all 
 the world knows that he never paid it at all. 
 
 drinking. 
 
 A drunken fellow, taken home by hisfriend, 
 was challenged by another : " Who is that ? 
 Where are you going ?" &c. " Why, I think 
 your friend has had too much ; why, I think 
 he had better have divided it fairly, half to- 
 day and half to-morrow." A watchman came 
 up. " How much has he drunk?" said a by- 
 stander. "A gallon at least !" " Then I tuXe 
 him into custody for carrying off a gallon of 
 liquor without a permit!" 
 
 right TO a crack. 
 
 An English gentleman wanting a dessert- 
 service of porcelain made after a particular 
 pattern, sent over to China a specimen dish, 
 ordering that it should be exactly copied for 
 the whole service. It unfortunately hap- 
 pened that in the di.-h so sent over, the 
 Chinese manufacturer discovered a crack ; 
 the consequence was, that the entire sen-ice 
 sent over to the party ordering it had a 
 crack in each article, carefully copied from 
 the original. 
 
 LOSING TIME, 
 
 A Welsh rector being on a visit to a neigh- 
 bouring squire, when a very small glass was 
 set before him after dinner, he pulled the 
 servant by the skirts, and thus expostulated 
 with him: " W'hat is this glass for? Does 
 your master wish to keep me here all night?" 
 The rector was as famous for eating as for 
 drinking. "This preaching thirty-five mi- 
 nutes," said he, at dinner, on Sundaj', to his 
 curate, " will never do : here's a fine goose 
 roasted to a rag, and not a drop of gravy in it." 
 
 ACCOMMODATING INADVERTKNCE. 
 
 Sir James Mackintosh had a very P^irson- 
 Adams-like forgetfulness of common things 
 and lesser proprieties, which was very amus- 
 ing. On his arrival at Bombay, there being 
 no house ready for his reception, the Governor 
 offered his garden-house for the temporarj- 
 accommodation of Sir James and his family, 
 who were so comfortable in tiuir quarters, 
 that they forgot to quit, month after month, 
 till a j-ear had elapsed, when the Governor 
 took forcible possession of Lis own property. 
 Again, Sir James and his lady, on requesting 
 to inspect the seat of the late Lord Melville, 
 in Perthshire, were invited to stay two or 
 three days, which were protracted to as many 
 months, till every species of hint was thrown 
 away upon them.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK 
 
 PLEASANT DESERTS. 
 
 Matoisin, physician to the King of France, 
 •was 80 fond of adniinistering medicine, that, 
 seeing all the phials and pill-boxea of his pa- 
 tient completely emptied, and ranged in order 
 on the table, he said, "Ah, sir, it gives me 
 pleasure to attend you — you deserve to be ill." 
 
 CURE AND KILL. 
 
 The late Lord Gardestone, himself a vale- 
 tudinarian, took the pains to inquire for those 
 persons who had actually attested marvellous 
 cures, and found that more than two-thinls 
 of the number died very shorti}' after they had 
 been cured. Sir Robert Walpole, Lords Bo- 
 lingbroke and Wiuningtou, were killed by 
 cureniongers. 
 
 A ailSTAKE. 
 
 V' Old Dick Baldwin stoutly maintained that 
 no man ever died of drinking. " Some pun3- 
 things," he said, "have died of learning to 
 drink, but no man ever died of drinking.' 
 Xow Baldwin was no mean authority ; for he 
 spoke from great practical experience, and 
 was, moreover, many years treasurer of St. 
 Bartholomew's Hospital. 
 
 TWOFOLD ILLUSTRATION. 
 
 > Sir Fletcher >;orton was noted for his want 
 of courtesy. When pleading before Lord 
 Mansfield, on some question of manorial 
 right, he chanced unfortunately to say, " lly 
 Lord, I can illustrate the point in an instant 
 in my own person: I myself have two little 
 manors." The j udge immediately interposed, 
 with one of his blandest smiles, " We all know 
 it, Sir Fletcher." 
 
 IDEA OF ETEKSmr. 
 
 An American clergyman, in one of his ser- 
 mons, exclaimed to his hearerf ; " Eternity ! 
 why, don't j'ou know the meaawig of that 
 word? Nor I either, bardl}-. It is for ever 
 and ever, and five or six everlastings a-top of 
 that. You might place a row of figures from 
 here to sunset, and cipher them all up, and 
 it wouldn't begin to tell how many ages 
 long eternity is. Why, my friends, after rail- 
 lions and trillions of years had rolled away in 
 eternity, it would be a hundred thousand 
 years to break fas t-tinie," 
 
 DRESS &KD MERIT. 
 
 )C Girard, the famous French painter, when 
 very young, was the bearer of a letter of in- 
 troduction to Lanjuinais, then of the Council 
 of Napoleon. The young painter was sliab- 
 bily attired, and his reception was extremely 
 cold ; but Lanjuinais discovered in him such 
 striking proofs of talent, good sense, and 
 amiability, that, on Girard's rising to take 
 leave, he rose too, and accompanied his vi- 
 sitor to the ante-chamber. The change was 
 so striking, that Girard could not avoid an 
 expression of surprise. " My young friend," 
 1 1 said Lanjuinais, anticipating the inquiry, 
 ! "we receive an unknown person according to 
 his dress — we take Ljave of him accortiing to 
 ;; his merit." 
 
 OEOWTH OF SENTIMENT. 
 
 Horace Walpole relates : " At a great 
 supper t'other night, at Lord Hertford's, 
 Lady Coventry said, in a verj' vulgar ac- 4 
 
 cent, if she drank any more, she should be 
 muckibus. — ' Loid !' said Lady JIary Coke, 
 'what is that?' 'Oh! it's Irish fo'r senti- 
 mental' " 
 
 CREDIT AND DEBT. 
 
 Coiyat, in his " Crudities," tells u,i that he 
 saw the following hisiription, which some 
 witty rogue had posted up . — " On ne logo 
 pas ceans a credit ; car il est mort — les mau- 
 vais payeurs I'ont tue.'' — (" Here is no lodg- 
 ing upon credit ; for credit is dead — bad 
 payers have killed it.'') 
 
 FOLLY OF DUELLING. 
 
 Duelling is unknown in Muscat ; where a 
 Captain one da}' expressed his astonishment 
 that such a silly custom should prevail 
 amongst rational people ; adding : " If a man 
 insult j'ou, kill him on the spot ; but do not 
 give him the opportunity to kill ds well as 
 insult ycu." 
 
 SLEEPING EOOTTIi. 
 
 The celebrated Quin had this faculty. 
 "What sort of a morning is it, John?" 
 " Very wet, sir." '• Anv mulk-t in the 
 market?" " Xo, sir." ""Then, John, you 
 may call me this time to-morrow." So say- 
 ing, he composed hinwelf to sleep, and got 
 rid of the eiuud of a dull day. 
 
 WTIO'S WHO? 
 
 Sir Hichard Phillips used to relate the 
 following anecdote with great glee. A 
 widow kept a public-house near the corner 
 of North-end lane, about two miles from 
 Hyde Park Corner, where she had lived 
 about fifty years ; and I wanted to determine 
 the house in which Samuel Richardson, the 
 novelist, had resided in North-euJ lane. 
 She remembered his person, and described 
 him as " a round, short gentleman, who most 
 days passed her door," and she said she used 
 to serve his family with beer. " He used to 
 live and carry on his business," said I, " in 
 Salisbury-square." " As to that," s.iid she, 
 " I know nothing, for I never was in Lou- 
 don." " Never in London !'' said I } " and 
 in health, with the free use of your limbs?" 
 " No," replied the woman ; " I had no busi- 
 i ness there, and had enough to do at home." 
 " Well, then," I observed, " you know 
 your own neighbourhood the better — which 
 w.os the house of Mr. Richardson, in the 
 next lane?" " I don't know," she replied; 
 " I am, as I told you, no traveller. I never 
 was up the lane — I only know that he did 
 live somewhere uj) the lane. ' " Well," said 
 I, "but living in Fulham parish, you go to 
 church?" "No," said she, " I never have 
 time ; on a SunJay our house is always full 
 — I never was at Fulham but once, and that 
 was when I was married, and many people 
 say that was once too often, though my hus- 
 band was as good a man as ever broke bread 
 — God rest his soul."
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 NOTIONS OF ANTIQUITIES. 
 
 An American tra%'eller, returned from 
 Europe, was asked how he liked Rome ; to 
 which he replied that Rome was a fine city, 
 but that he must acknowledge he thought 
 the public buildings were verj- much out of 
 repair, 
 
 ORIGIN OF " JIM CROW. " 
 
 The New 0> harts Picayune states that, a 
 few years ago, Thomas D. Rice, now the 
 famous Negro comedian, was an actor in a 
 Western theatre ; and though he did some 
 things cleverlj', he was particularly remark- 
 able for nothing but being the best dressed 
 man in the company. An original piece v^as 
 got up, in which Rice was persuaded to do 
 the character of a Negro, much agauist his 
 will. He consented only under the stipula- 
 tion that he should have permission to intro- 
 duce a Negro song of his own. 
 
 Rice was fond of riding, and frequently 
 visited a stable in town where there was a 
 very droll Negro ostler, who used to dance 
 grotesquely, and sing odd fragments of a song 
 about one Jim Crow. Very little difficulty 
 was found in transforming the ostler into a 
 tutor, and in half an hour Rice was master 
 of the symphony, melody, and all the steps, 
 words, and drollery of the far-famed and 
 irresistible " Jim Crow !" 
 
 The evening for the dehut of the new play 
 came on, and never did Kemble or Talma 
 studj' more intensely over the effect of cos- 
 tume than did Rice in dressing for Lis Negro 
 part on this occasion. He had easily con- 
 trived to throw together a few verses, with 
 witty local allusions, and to heighten the ex- 
 travagance of the dance to its greatest ex- 
 tent of grotesque absurditj". The play com- 
 menced, and went on, dragging heavily 
 and lamely — Rice himself failing to stir up 
 the drowsy audience with his clumsily-writ- 
 ten Negro part until the third act, where the 
 song came in. 
 
 Utter condemnation was lowering omi- 
 nously over the piece, and the actors had 
 already pronounced it a dead failure, when 
 the hitherto silent and gloomy green-room 
 was startled by a tumultuous round of cheers 
 breaking out suddenly in " front." 
 
 "What can that be?" said the manager, 
 pricking up his ears. 
 
 Another verse of the song was sung, with 
 the extravagant dancing accompaniment, 
 and the house shook with still more violent 
 applause. 
 
 " What is that?" said the manager. 
 " Who's on the stage?" 
 
 " Rice is singing a Negro song," was the 
 reply. 
 
 " Oh, that's it, ell !" said the manager, who 
 was a stickler for the " legitimate," and con- 
 cluded that an audience which could applaud 
 such a thing would be just as likely to hiss it 
 the next moment. 
 
 But the new song continued to call down 
 expressions of pleasure that could not by any 
 means be mistaken ; and, at its conclusion, 
 the manager bounced out of the green-room. 
 
 and down to " P.S.," to listen to the loudesi 
 encore he ever heard in his theatre. 
 
 The play was announced again, but, after 
 two or three representations, it was discovered 
 that the song was all the audience wanted, 
 and so Jim Crow emerged triumphant from 
 the ashes of a damned play, to delight Europe 
 and America with — 
 
 " Turn about an' wheel about, 
 An' do just so ; 
 An' eb'ry time I wheel about, 
 I j ump Jim Crow ! 
 
 A-heaJi-heaJi-whooh .'" 
 
 Rice soon found his way to New York, and 
 Hamblin was not long in snapping up the 
 new card, which he made to tell to as hand- 
 some a tune as any other that the great ca- 
 terer ever played upon the Bowery boards. 
 
 " Fortune brings in some boats that are not 
 steered ;" 
 
 and when Thomas D. Rice was pla3'ing 
 William Tell in Cherry-street, Ne;r York, 
 he little dreamed of ever making a fortune 
 by singing Jim Croiu ! 
 
 H.VNG TOGETHEE. 
 
 Richard Penn, one of the proprietors, and 
 of all the governors of Pennsylvania, pro- 
 bably the most deser\'edly popular, in the 
 commencement of the revolution (his brother 
 John being at that time governor), was on 
 the most famiUar and intimate terms with a 
 number of the most decided and influential 
 Whigs; and, on a certain occasion, being in 
 company with several of them, a member of 
 Congress observed that, such was the crisis, 
 "they must all hang together.'" "Ifj'ou do 
 not, gentlemen," said Mr. Penn, " I can tell 
 you that you will be very apt to hang sepa- 
 rately." 
 
 THE RULING PASSION. 
 
 When M. Brillat -Savarin, Judge of the 
 Court of Cassation, and an amateur gastro- 
 nome, was in America once, on his return 
 from a shooting excursion, in which he shot 
 a wild turkey, he fell into conversation with 
 Jefferson, who began relating some interest- 
 ing anecdotes about Washington and the 
 war ; when, observing the air distrait of M. 
 Brillat-Savarin, he stopped, and was about 
 to go away. " My dear sir," said the gas- 
 tronomer, " I beg a thousand pardons, but I 
 was thinking how I should dress my wild 
 turkey.'' 
 
 A BROAD HINT. 
 
 When Captain Basil Hall and his party 
 landed on the coast of Corea, their visit was 
 not relished by the natives. One man, in 
 particular, expressed the general wish for 
 their departure, by holding up a piece of 
 paper, like a sail, and then blowing upon it 
 in the direction of the wind, at the same time 
 pointing to the ships ; thereby denoting that 
 the wind was fair, and that the visitors had 
 only to set sail and leave the island. This is 
 even plainer than the \'Tilgar English hint, 
 " When shall I eee you again?"
 
 RAU.WAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 CURK FOB THE COLIC. 
 
 s^ An eminent house-painter in the City, a 
 governor of St. Bartholomew's Hospital, got 
 a recipe for the painter's colic, which con- 
 tained all sorts of comfortable things, the 
 chief ingredients being Cognac brandy and 
 apices ! It did wonders with the first two or 
 three cases ; but he found the success of the 
 remedy so increased the frequency of the 
 complaint, that he was compelled to give up 
 his medical treatment ; for so long as he had 
 the specific, his men were constantly making 
 wry faces at him. 
 
 SCHOOL DISCIPLINE. 
 
 In Coleridge's time, the discipline at 
 Christ's Hospital was ultra -Spartan ; all do- 
 mestic ties were to be put aside. " Boy !" 
 Coleridge remembered Bower saying to him 
 once, when he was crying the first day after 
 his return from the holidays. " Boy ! the 
 school is your father! Boy! the school is 
 your mother ! Boy ! the school is your 
 brother ! the school is 3'our sister ! the school 
 is your first cousin, and your second cousin, 
 and all the rest of your relations! Let's 
 have no more crj'ing." 
 
 L^V>-D AND SEA nGHTS. 
 
 An Irish officer in the army, happening 
 to be passenger in an armed vessel during 
 the last war, used frequently to wish that 
 they might fall in with an enemy's ship ; 
 because, he said, he had been in many land 
 battles, and there was nothing in the world 
 which he desired more than to see what sort 
 of a thing a sea-fight was. He had his ^vish ; 
 and when, after a smart action, in which he 
 bore his part bravel}', an enemy of superior 
 force had been beaten off, he declared, with 
 the customary emphasis of an Irish adjura- 
 tion, that a sea-fight ^vas a mighty sairious 
 sort of a thing. 
 
 SL-MMARY DECISION. 
 
 Mr. Brougham, when at the bar, opened 
 before Lord Chief Justice Tenterden an ac- 
 tion for the amount of a wager laid upon the 
 event of a dog-fight, which, through some 
 unwillingness of dogs or men, had not been 
 brought to an issue. " We, my Lord," said 
 the advocate, " were minded that the dogs 
 should fight"—" Then I," replied the Judge, 
 " am minded to hear no more of it ;" and he 
 called another cause. 
 
 PRUDENTIAL CONSIDEUATION. 
 
 The lad}' of a distinguished officer died in 
 one of our colonies, just previous to which 
 she expressed a wish to be buried in Eng- 
 land, and was, accordingly, deposited in a 
 cask of rum, for the purpose of transport 
 home, but remained in the cellar after the 
 officer's second marriage ; the detention being 
 occasioned by his expectation that the duty 
 on the spirit imported into England, in which 
 the dear departed was preserved, would, in a 
 few years, ba either lowered or taken off alto- 
 gether ! Strange as this may seem, it is true. 
 
 A SIMILE. 
 
 The old Duke of Cumberland was one 
 night playing at hazard at Beauford House, 
 with a great heap of gold before him, when 
 somebody said, " he looked like the prodigal 
 son and the fatted calf both." 
 
 FRENCH-ENGLISH. 
 
 " What has become of your famous General 
 Eel?'' said the Count d'Erleon to Mr. Camp- 
 bell. "Eel," said a bystander, "that is a 
 military fish I never hear of;" but another 
 at once enlightened his mind by saying to 
 the Count, "General Lord Hill is now Com- 
 mander-in-Chief of the British forces." 
 
 THE PLE.VSUF.ES OF THE TABLE 
 
 Have never been incompatible with the gifts 
 of genius, or the investigations of the under- 
 standing. "I cannot conceive," says Ur. 
 Johnson, " the folly of those who, when at 
 table, think of everything but eating ; for 
 my part, when I am there, I think of nothing 
 else ; and whosoever does not trouble himself 
 with this important aftair at dinner, or sup- 
 ])er, will do no good at any other time." 
 
 THE LONGEST LAW-SUIT. 
 
 In 1842, a paragraph appeared in one or 
 two of the London newspapers, headed the 
 " Longest Law-suit," in which both facts 
 and names are sadly blundered. The famous 
 "Berkeley suit" lasted upwards of 190 (in- 
 stead of 120) j-ears ; having commenced . 
 shortly after the death of Thomas, fourth 
 Lord Berkeley, in the fifth of Henry V. 
 (141G), and terminated in the seventh of 
 James I. (1609). It arose out of the mar- 
 riage of Elizabeth, only daughter and heiress 
 of the above Baron, with Richard Beau- 
 champ, Earl of Warwick, their descendants 
 having continually sought to get possession 
 of the Castle and Lordship of Berkelej', which 
 not only occasioned the famous law-suit in 
 question, but was often attended with the 
 most violent quarrels on both sides, at lea.-t 
 during the first fiftv vears or more. In the 
 year 1469 (tenth of 'Edward IV.), Thomas 
 Talbot, second Viscount Lisle, great-grand- 
 son of the above Elizabeth, residing at 
 Wotton-under-Edge (not iralton under 
 Hedi/e!), was killed at Nibley Green, in a 
 furious skirmish between some 500 of his 
 own retainers and about as many of thoso 
 of William (then) Lord Berkeley "(whom he 
 had challenged to the field), who likewise 
 headed his men ; when, besides the brave 
 but ill-fated young Lisle (scarce of age at 
 that time), about 150 of their followers were 
 slain, and 300 wounded, chiefly of the Wot- 
 ton party, who fled on the fall of their leader 
 Lord Lisle's sisters were his heirs, and their 
 husbands (one of whom also got the title) 
 followed up the suit, as their descendants did 
 after them, till down to the time of the first 
 James, when Henry, eleventh Lord Berkeley, 
 obtained a decree in favour of his claims, and 
 got full and quiet possession of the lands and 
 manors in dispute.
 
 10 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 "liOST LUGGAGK OFFIC& " OF THE NORTH- 
 WESTKKN RAILWAY. 
 
 Immediately after the evacuation of each 
 arriving train at the terminus, carriage- 
 searchers examine the interior of the pas- 
 senger coaches. They raise the cushions, 
 search the pockets, take up the carpets, and 
 diligently examine everj' part of the car- 
 riage, and it rarely happens that some articles, 
 more or less, are not found which the pas- 
 sengers inadvertently leave behind them. 
 These are sent bj' the searchers immediately 
 to the "Lost Luggage Office," where thej' 
 are delivered into the hands of a clerk, who 
 enters in a register a description of the ar- 
 ticles, the number and designation of the 
 carriages in which they were left, the hour 
 of the arrival of the train, and the route 
 which the carriage, in which the articles were 
 found, had followed. A label is attached to 
 the article, numbered in accordance witii the 
 entrj' in this register, so that at any future 
 period it may be compared with such entry 
 and identilied. If the article in question is 
 marked with the address of its owner, or if 
 any indication of such address can be dis- 
 covered from its contents, it is sent without 
 delay to the proprietor; if net, it is deposited 
 in a certain place, according to its magnitude 
 and quality, where it is left for a certain as- 
 signed time waiting for an ajjplication on the 
 part of its owner. If, at the end of such, 
 specified time, which varies with different rail- 
 way's, no application be made, if it be a box, 
 trunk, or other similar object, it is broken 
 open and the contents ascertained. From the 
 contents the ownership is frequently dis- 
 covered, and it is restored ; but if no clue to 
 such discoveiy be thus obtained, then the 
 article is transferred to a permanent place of 
 deposit in the ofKce or store-room, where it 
 remains for a more extended period, such as 
 one or two j'ears. If at the end of this pe- 
 riod no claim be made on the part of the 
 owner, then the article, v/ith others kept for 
 a like time, is publicly sold by auction or 
 otherwise, and the proceeds of tile sale appro- 
 priated as directed by the managers of the 
 railway'. Such proceeds are usually applied 
 to some charitable object in connexion with 
 the railway business. 
 
 It frequently happens that applications are 
 made at the railway stations for lost luggage 
 which is not found in the Lost Luggage 
 office. In that case a circular is despatched 
 ti) all the stations along the line or system of 
 lines at which the passenger sustaining the 
 loss has touched, ami where, by anj' possi- 
 bilitj-, the lost object might have been left, 
 and answers are rapidly obtained This use- 
 ful sjstem of inquiry is greatly extended 
 through the ageiic}' of the railway clearing- 
 hou;e. B}- this means such inquiries can be 
 extended not merely to all the stations be- 
 longing to the railway in which the inquirj- 
 originates, but to all the railways spread 
 over the chief part of the United Kingdom. 
 
 In the Lost Luggage Office are to be 
 seen, on shelves and in compartments, the 
 
 innumerable articles which have been left 
 in the trains during the last two months, 
 each being ticketed and numbered with a 
 figure corresponding with the entry-book in 
 which the article is defined. 
 
 Without, however, describing in detail 
 this property, we will at once proceed to 
 a large, pitch-dark, subterranean, vaulted 
 chamber, warmed by hot-air iron pipes, in 
 which are deposited the flock of lost sheep, 
 or, without metaphor, the lost luggage of the 
 last two years. 
 
 Suspended from the roof there hangs 
 horizontally in this chamber a gas-pipe about 
 eight feet long ; and as soon as the brilliant 
 burners at eacli end were lighted, the scene 
 was really astounding. It would be in- 
 finitel3' easier to say what there is not, than 
 what there is, in the forty compartments 'ike 
 great wine-bins in which this lost property 
 is arranged. 
 
 One is choke-full of men's hats ; another 
 of parasols, umbrellas, and sticks of every 
 possible description: one would think that 
 all the ladies' reticules on earth were de- 
 posited in a third. How many little smell- 
 ing-bottles — how many little e.obroidered 
 pocket-handkerchiefs — how many little musty 
 eatables and comfortable drinkables — how 
 niany little bills, important little notes, and 
 other very small secrets each may have con- 
 tained, we felt that we would not for the 
 world have ascertained ; but when we gazed 
 at the enormous quantity of red cloaks, red 
 shawls, red tartan plaids, and red scarves, 
 piled up in one corner, it was, wo own, im- 
 possible to help reflecting that surely English 
 ladies of all ages who wear red cloaks, &c. 
 must, in some mysterious way or other, be 
 powerfully affected by the whine of com- 
 pressed air, by the sudden ringing of a bell, 
 by the sight of their friends — in short, by 
 the various conflicting emotions that disturb 
 the human heart on arriving at the up-ter- 
 minus of the Euston station ; for else, how, 
 we gravely asked ourselves, could we possibly 
 account for the extraordinary red mass be- 
 fore us ? 
 
 Of course, in this Rolando-looking cave 
 there were plenty of carpet-bags, gun -cases, 
 portmanteaus, writing-desks, books, cigar- 
 cases, &.C. ; but there were a few articles that 
 certainly we were not prepared to meet with, 
 and which but too clearly proved that the 
 extraordinary terminus excitement, which 
 had suddenly caused so many virtuous ladies 
 to elope from their red shawls — in short, to 
 be not only in ' a bustle ' behind, but all over 
 — had equally affected men of all sorts and 
 conditions. One gentleman had left behind 
 him a pair of leather hunting-breeches ! an- 
 other his boot-jack! A soldier of the 22nd 
 regiment had left his knapsack containing his 
 kit. Another soldier of the 10th, poor fellow, 
 had left his scarlet regimental coat ! Some 
 cripple, probably overjoyed at the sight 
 of his family, had left behind him his 
 crutches ! But what astonished us above all 
 was, that some honest Scotchman, probably
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 11 
 
 jn the ecstasy of seeing among the crowd the 
 face of his faithful Jeannk, had actnally left 
 behind him the best portion of his bagpipes! 
 Some little time ago, the superintendent, 
 on breaking open, previoas to a general sale, 
 a locked leather hat-box, which had lain in 
 this dungeon two years, found in it, under 
 the hat, £65 in Bank of England notes, with 
 one or two private letters, which enabled 
 him to restore the money to the owner, who, 
 it turned out, had been so positive that he 
 had left his hut-box at a hotel at Birming- 
 ham, that he had made no inquiry for it at 
 the railway office. — Stokers and Pokers, by 
 the author of Bubbles from the Brunnehs of 
 Nassau. 
 
 A GOOD COLLECTOR. 
 
 Dr. Michael Hutchinson, who collected 
 £3249 for rebuilding All Saints' Church, 
 Derby, in 1730, was so industrious and suc- 
 cessful in this labour of love, that when the 
 waits fiddled at his door for a Christmas-box, 
 he invited them in, treated them with a tankard 
 of ale, and persuaded them out of a guinea ! 
 
 ACCURATE DESCRIPTION. 
 
 Doctor Duncan received a severe injury 
 from something in the shape of cowskin, 
 somewhere in the neighbourhood of Citicin- 
 natL " Where were you hurt, doctor?" said 
 a friend. " Was it near the vertebra?" " No, 
 no," said the disciple of Galen ; " it was near 
 the race-course." 
 
 FISHING FOR COMPANY. 
 
 Walpole gives an odd account of a Mrs. 
 Holman, whose passion was keeping an as- 
 sembly, and inviting literally everybody to 
 it. " She goes to the drawingroora to watch 
 for sneezers, whips out a curtsey and then 
 sends next morning to know how your cold 
 does, and desires your company on Thurs- 
 day.'' 
 
 ORIGIN OF BOTTLED ALE. 
 
 Alexander Newell, Dean of St. Paul's, and 
 JMaster of Westminster School, in the reign 
 of Queen Marj-, was an excellent angler. 
 But (says Fuller) while Newell was catching 
 of tishes. Bishop Bonner was catching of 
 Newell, and would certainly have sent him 
 to the shambles, had not a good London 
 merchant conveyed him away upon the seas, 
 Newell was fishing upon the banks of the 
 Thames when he received the first intima- 
 tion of his danger, which was so pressing, 
 that he dure not go back to his own house to 
 make any preparation for his flight. Like 
 an honest angler, he had taken with him 
 provision for the day ; and when, in the first 
 year of England's deliverance, he returned to 
 his country and his old haunts, he remem- 
 bered that, on the day of his flight, he had 
 left a bottle of beer in a safe place on the 
 bank : there he looked for it, and " found it 
 no bottle, but a gun — such the sound at the 
 opening thereof; and tbi.s (says Fuller) is 
 believed (casualty is mother of more inven- 
 tion than industry) the origin of Bottled Ale 
 in En inland. " 
 
 EASY* REMEDY. 
 
 " I like to hear a child cry," jocoselj- said 
 the Abbe Morold. " Why ?"' " Because then 
 there is some hope of his being sent away." 
 
 IRISH ANTIQUITIES. 
 
 A Connemara gentleman being pressed to 
 visit the ruins of a Roman villa, in Alsace, 
 declined, observing, " What novelty was a 
 Koman village to him ? Within twenty 
 miles of his father's there was but one Pro- 
 testant, and that was the parson ; and his 
 assistant was a Catholic, and, like the clerk 
 of Ballyhain, when he finished at church, he 
 served mass afterwards. Koman villages! 
 he would be glad to know where there were 
 any else, from one end of Connemara to the 
 other." 
 
 ALGERINE CATS. 
 
 Mr. Campbell, when at Algiers, on in- 
 quiring for a cat to drive away the rats, was 
 told there was no keeping one in the camp 
 of Douera. " Why not ?" '• Because the 
 French soldiers steal them." And what do 
 they do with them?" "Why, it is alleged 
 that they make pies and soups of them !" 
 
 who's HE? 
 
 iVn old woman, in a village in the west of 
 England, was told one day that the King of 
 Prussia was dead, such a report having ar- 
 rived when the Great Frederick was in the 
 noon-day of his glory. Old Mary lifted up 
 her great sloe eyes at the news, aiul fijsing 
 them, in the fulness of vacancy, upon her in- 
 formant, replied, " Is a I is a ! — The Lord ha' 
 mercy ! — VVell ! well I The King of Prussia I 
 And who's he?" The " who's he?" of this 
 old woman might serve as a text for a nota- 
 ble sermon upon ambition. " Who's he?'* 
 may now be asked of men greater as soldiers 
 in their day than Frederick or AV^ellington ; 
 greater in discovery than Sir Isaac or Sir 
 Humphry. Who built the Pyramids? Who 
 ate the first oyster ? 
 
 HERODOTUS EVEKY-DAY. 
 
 Few persons arc aware how often they 
 imitate this great historian. Thus, children 
 and servants are remarkably " Herodotean " 
 in their style of narration. They tell even,'- 
 thing dramatically. Their "says lies" and 
 " says shes " are proverbial, livery person 
 who has had to settle their disputes, knows 
 that, even when they have no intention to 
 deceive, their reports of conversation always 
 require to be carefully sifted. If an educatetl 
 man were gi\'ing an account of a late change 
 of administration, he would saj- : " Lord 
 John Russell resigned, and the Queen, in 
 consequence, sent for Sir Robert Peel." A 
 porter would tell the storj' as if he bad been 
 behind the curtains of the Royal bed at 
 Buckingham Palace. " So Lord John Kus- 
 seii says, ' I cannot manage this busincRS, I 
 must go out.' So the Queen says, ' Well, 
 then, 1 must send for Sir Robert Peel, that's 
 all.' " This is the very manner of the father 
 of historv.
 
 12 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 AFFECTED MODESTY. 
 
 When conversation in a company in which 
 Dr. Johnson was present had fallen upon 
 rather a delicate topic, one of the ladies, with 
 an expression of great displeasure, rose and 
 left the room. "That woman," said the 
 Doctor, "is the most immodest of all the 
 company." 
 
 AMERICAN "LADIES." 
 
 In America, all females arc " ladies ;" the 
 noble word, " woman," is never heard. Miss 
 Martineau wishing to see the women-wards 
 in a prison at Tennessee, was answered by 
 the warden, " We have no ladies here at 
 present, madam." A lecturer, discoursing 
 on the characteristics of women, illustrated 
 thus : "Who were the last at the cross? 
 Ladies. Who were the first at the sepulchre? 
 Ladies." 
 
 POUTICAL GUNPOWDER. 
 
 When Lord Bath v.-as told of the detemii- 
 nation of turning out Pitt and letting Fox 
 remain in the Alinistry, he said it put him in 
 mind of a story of the Gunpowder Plot. The 
 Lord Chamberlain was sent to examine the 
 vaults under the Parliament House, and, re- 
 turning with his report, said, " he had found 
 five-and -twentj' barrels of gunpowder ; that 
 he had removed ten of them, and hoped the 
 other fifteen would do no harm." 
 
 THE FAMILY SUIT. 
 
 The son-in-law of a Chancerj' barrister 
 having succeeded to the lucrative practice of 
 the latter, came one morning, in breathless 
 ecstacj', to inform him that he had succeeded 
 in bringing nearly to its termination a cause 
 which had been pending in the court of 
 scruples for several j'ears. Instead of ob- 
 taining the expected congratulations of the 
 retired veteran of the law, his intelligence 
 was received with indignation. "It was by 
 this suit," exclaimed he, " that my father 
 was enabled to provide for me, and to por- 
 tion your wife; and, with the exercise of 
 common prudence, it would have furnished 
 j'ou with the means of providing handsomely 
 for your children and grandchildren." 
 
 LONG YAKKS. 
 
 Amongst those long-winded and generally 
 marvellous stories with which to while away 
 the dreary " mid-watch," to the astonish- 
 ment of the greenhorns, very astonisl'.ing is 
 that called " the Men-y Dun of Dover." This 
 was a vessel of such magnitude that she has 
 been known to be receiving a cargo of coals 
 at her bow-port in Sunderland harbour, and 
 discharging them out of her stern-port at 
 the same time into the coal lighters below 
 London-bridge. Such was the height of her 
 masts, that a little boy, being sent aloft to 
 clear the pendant, returned upon deck a grey- 
 headed man. Working out of the Downs, 
 this amazing vessel was of such a length, 
 that, in tacking, her flying jib-boom knocked 
 down Calais steeple, at the verj' instant that 
 the tail of her ensign swept a flock of sheep 
 off the summit of Dover cliff. 
 
 GROWTH OF FELICITY. 
 
 A poor gardener, on being a.sked what 
 felicity meant, said he did not know, but he 
 believed it was a bulbous root ! 
 
 AN ILLUSTRATION. 
 
 Captain Wilbraham, inquiring of one of 
 theJholams at Tehran whether an account 
 which one of the King's couriers had just 
 related was likely to be true — '' Oh no," an- 
 swered the man ; " you must not believe a 
 word of it. A courier must have something 
 to tell bj' the way. You should hear ^vhat 
 lies /tell when I am travelling." 
 
 DEATH OF KEAN, THE TRAGEDLVN. 
 
 In the year 1833, Edmund Kean was en- 
 gaged at Drury, and played Othello to Ma- 
 cread}''s lago. He had promised to play lago 
 also, and had a new dress made for it, but, we 
 believe, determined not to do it. About this 
 time, he had the Richmond theatre, and 
 played there three nights per week. For his 
 last benefit, he acted there Fenruddock and 
 Paul. Being in embarrassed chxumstauces, 
 he requested a loan of £500 ; this, it was 
 said, the management of Drury-Lane hesi- 
 tated to advance, and he engaged himself at 
 Covent-garden. On the 2oth March, 1833, 
 he appeared as Othello; lago, Mr. Charles 
 Kean; Gassio, Mr. Abbott ; I)esdcmona,yn5S 
 Ellen Tree. The elder Kean came to the 
 theatre in company with Mr. John Lee and 
 Dr. Douchez ; it was with difiiculty he made 
 up for the character, the nauseous process of 
 brotvning his face occasioning sickness. He 
 went languidly through the first two acts, 
 but rallied in the third ; he spoke the " Fare- 
 well " exquisitely, but at the passage — 
 
 " Villain ! be sure thou prov'st my love," 
 &c., 
 
 his energy failed him ; he essayed to proceed, 
 and then sank on the shoulder of his son. 
 Mr. Payne, who played Ludovico, came on, 
 and, with Mr. C. Kean, assisted the great 
 actor from the stage, which he never again 
 trod! It was singular that he should end 
 his career in the arms of his son, and that 
 that son's future wife should be Desdemona. 
 He was taken to the Wrekin Tavern, Broad- 
 court, too weak to even bear the operation ot 
 having the paint removed. In a few daj's he 
 sufficiently recovered to go to Richmond; 
 here he was sedulously attended by Mrs. 
 Tidswell, said to be his aunt. Mr. Lee, Mr, 
 Hughes, and Dr. Douchez were constantly 
 with him. He flattered himself that he was 
 recovering, commenced studying J/tister Wal- 
 ter, and was underlined for it at the Hay- 
 market, but his memory had gone for ever. 
 On the 15th May, 1833", he expired. Kean 
 did not know his birthday ; he kept it on the 
 17th of March ; but many of his early friends 
 affirm that he was born in November. The 
 year, as well as day, is doubtfiJ. Kean him- 
 self said 1787. Mrs. Carey, who claimed to 
 be his mother, died in the" same week in the 
 same house.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 13 
 
 yi~ COLERIDGE AND THELWALL. 
 
 Thelwall and Coleridge were sitting once 
 in a beautiful recess in the Quantock hills, 
 when the latter said, "Citizen John, this is a 
 fine place to talk treason in!" "Nay, citi- 
 zen Samuel," replied he; "it is rather a 
 place to make a man forget that there is any 
 necessity for treason !" 
 
 ECCEXTr.IC HUMANITY. 
 
 Johii, Duke of Montague, made two codi- 
 cils to his will, one in favour of his servants 
 and the other of his dogs, cats, &c. Whilst 
 writing the latter, one of his cats, jumped on 
 his knee. "What!" says he, "have you a 
 mmd to be a witness, too ? You can't, for 
 you are a party concerned." 
 
 JOY OF GRIEF. 
 
 A Highland funeral used to be followed hv 
 a regular supper to the company, and a ball. 
 Upon one occasion, the gentleman who was 
 to lead do\vn the dance asked the mistress Qf 
 the house, whose husband had that day been 
 buried, if she would stand up to the dance, 
 and she with a deep sigh consented. He 
 then asked the disconsolate widow to name 
 the spring, ;. c. the tunc, she would wish to 
 be played. " Oh," she said, " let it be a liyltt 
 spring, for I have a heavy heart." 
 
 TEA IN SCOTLVND. 
 
 Tea in Scotland appears to have been 
 kno^\'n a century later than in England. Sir 
 Walter Scott used to relate, that people were 
 living who recollected how the Lady Pum- 
 phraston, to whom a pound of fine green tea 
 had been sent as a rare and valuable present, 
 boiled the same, and served it up with mcltod 
 butter, as condiment to a salted rump of beef; 
 and complained that no cooking she could 
 contrive "would make these foreign greens 
 tender." 
 
 CARD-TABLE SIGNALS. 
 
 ^ Theodore Hook's Code of Card-table Sig- 
 nals, in his clever novel of" Gilbert Gurncy," 
 might be very elFectually reduced to practice. 
 " Never," says he, " let man and wife play 
 together at whist. There are always family 
 telegraphs ; and, if they fancy their looks are 
 watched, they can ahvays communicate by 
 words. I found out that I could never win 
 of Smigsmag and his wife. I mentiuned 
 this one day, and was answered, ' No, you 
 never can win of them.' 'Why?' said L 
 •Because,' said my friend, ' they have esta- 
 blished a code.' ' Dear me,' said I ; ' siguaLs 
 by looks?' 'No,' said he, 'by words. If 
 Mrs. Sn)igsmag is to lead, Smigsmstg says, 
 " Dear, begin :" Dear begins with D ; so does 
 diamond; and out comes one from the lady. 
 If he has to lead, and ^he says "S. my love," 
 she wants a spade. Smigsmag and spade 
 begin with the same letter, and sure enough 
 down comes a spade. " Harriet, my dear, how 
 long )ou are sorting your cards ! " Mrs. Smig- 
 smag stumps down a heart; and a gentle 
 " Come, mv love," on either side, produces r. 
 chab.' " 
 
 POLITE EVIDENCE 
 
 At the Wells Assizes, a butcher's \nfe, 
 in giving her evidence, repeatedly turned 
 towards the prisoner at the bar, and de- 
 signated him as " that gentleman." The 
 Judge at last lost all patience, and exclaimed : 
 "Old woman, you are become quite olfen- 
 sive." This reminds one of Steele's speaking 
 of " Sin as a tine gentleman." 
 
 THE TWO WATCHES. 
 
 About seventy years ago, there was a 
 fancy for wearing two watches. The Earl of 
 I'.ridgewater was stopped near Windsor by a 
 footpad, who, after having obtained one 
 watch, demanded the other. " Wliy, do you 
 suppose I have another?" "I know it," 
 said the robber ; " I obser^'ed you cross your 
 hand to -sour left fob when you gave me 
 this." 
 
 SLIGHT CIRCL'SISTANCES. 
 
 Sir Weaker Scott, walking one day along 
 the banks of the Yarrow, ■where Mungo Park 
 wis born, saw the traveller throwing stones 
 into the water, and anxiously watching the 
 bubbles that succeeded. Scott inquired the 
 object of his occupation. "I was thinking," 
 answered Park, " how often I had thus tried 
 to sound the rivers in Africa, by calculating 
 how long a time had elapsed btlore the bub- 
 b'es rose to the surface." It was a slight 
 circumstance, but the traveller's safety fre- 
 quently depended upon it. In a watch, the 
 mainspring forms a small, portion of the 
 works; but it propels and governs the whole. 
 So it is in the machuiery of human life : a 
 slight circumstance is permitted by the 
 Divine Ruler to derange or to alter it; a 
 giant falls by a pebble ; a girl at the door of 
 an inn changes the fortune df an empire. 
 " If the nose of Cleopatra had been shorter," 
 said Pascal, in his epigrammatic and bi illiant 
 manner, " the condition of the world would 
 have been ditFerent." The Mahomedaus 
 have a tradition, that when their prophet 
 concealed himself in Mount Shur, his pur- 
 suers were deceived by a spider's web, which 
 covered the mouth of the cave ; Luther might 
 have been a lawyer, had his friend a-.id com- 
 ]>aiiion escaped the thunder-storm at Erfurt ; 
 Si-i.tland had wanted her stern reformer, if 
 the appeal of the preacher had not startled 
 him in the chapel of St. Andrew's Castle; 
 and if Mr. Grenville had not carried, in 1704, 
 bis memorable resolution as to the expe- 
 dienc}' of charging "certain stamp duties" 
 on the plantations in America, the v. estern 
 world might still have bowed to the British 
 sceptre. Cowlev mif>ht never have been a 
 poet, if he had riot found the " Fat-ry Queen" 
 in his mother's parlour; Opie might have 
 pfirislied in mute obscurity, if he had net 
 looked over the shoulder of his young com- 
 panion, MiU-k Otes, while he was drawing a 
 butterlly ; Giotto, one of the ear ly Florentine 
 r : inters, might have continued a rude shep- 
 • l boy, if a sheep drawn by hiui upon a 
 
 . .,ie had not attracted the not ice • f Cimabae 
 he wont that way. 
 
 y^ 
 
 \
 
 u 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 A2X ODD RACE. 
 
 \ The Herveys, Earls of Bristol, produced 
 to many eccentric characters, that some one 
 said, who was desirous of expressing his 
 sense of the singularities of the famil}', that 
 " God made man, woman, and Herveys." 
 
 rRAYINO FOR' A PARTNER. 
 
 A The Hungarian ladies are passionately 
 fond of dancing. A lady told Mr. Paget 
 that, in her dancing times, she well lemem- 
 bered that she never said her prayers for her 
 " daily bread," without adding " and plenty 
 of partners at the next ball, I beseech thee." 
 
 WHAT IS A GENTLEMAN. 
 
 To tell the reader exactly what class of 
 persons was intended to be designated by the 
 word gentleman, is a difficult task. The last 
 time we heard it was on ^^siiing a stable, to 
 look at a horse, when inquiring for the coach- 
 man, his stable-keeper replied, " he had just 
 stepped to the public-house along with an- 
 other gentleman." 
 
 DB. PARR AT WHIST. 
 
 Dr. Parr had a high opinion of his own 
 skill at whist, and could not even patiently 
 tolerate the want of it in his partner. Being 
 engaged with a party in which he was un- 
 equally matched, he was asked by a lady 
 how the fortune of the game turned? when 
 he replied, " Pretty well, madam, consider- 
 ing that I have three adversaries." 
 
 THE REBEL LORDS. 
 
 At the trial of Ihe rebel Lords, George 
 SelwATi, seeina: Bethel's sharp visage looking 
 wistfully at the prisoners, said, " What a 
 shame it is to turn her face to the prisoners 
 until thej' are condemned." 
 
 Some women were scolding Selw^ii for 
 going to see the execution, and asked him 
 how he could be such a barbarian to see the 
 head cut off ? " Nay," replied he, " if that 
 was such a crime, I am sure I have made 
 amends; for I went to see it sewed on 
 again." 
 
 Walpole relates : " You know Selwyn 
 never thinks but a la tete tranchee." On 
 having a tooth drawn, he told the man that 
 he would drop his handkerchief for the 
 signal. 
 
 A night's rest. 
 
 Captain Wilbraham, -vvhen at a village in 
 Armenia, was crowded into a stable for the 
 night, which resembled Noah's ark. Children 
 were squalling the whole night through, and 
 tvvo young buffaloes walked over the Captain 
 in the dark! We had such a night of dia- 
 quiet, a few years since, upon a walk across 
 Hampshire. The \illage inn was " full," and 
 we were compelled to seek rest in a cottage, 
 where our bed room partition was only t\vo- 
 thirds of the entire height of the apartment : 
 our neighbour snored most lustily, a child in 
 the house had the huopiug-cough, and the 
 father rose at da^'-break, and killed a pig just 
 under our window ! 
 
 A COOL HAND. 
 
 Robespierre, in making out the list of his 
 victims for the guillotine, wrote down the 
 name of Jean Lambert Tallien with a slow 
 hand, that shaped each letter with a stem 
 distinctness, saying, " That one head is my 
 itecessity !" 
 
 GOOD RIDDANCE. 
 
 A certain well-known provincial bore •"; 
 having left a tavern party of which Bums 
 was one, he (the bard) immediately de- 
 manded a bumper, and, addressing himself 
 to the chairman, said, " I give you the 
 health, gentlemen all, of the waiter that 
 called my Lord out of the room." 
 
 AN IXLTISIATUM. 
 
 A luckless undergraduate of Cambridge 
 being examined for his degree, and failing 
 in every subject upon which he was tried, 
 complained that he had not lieen questioned 
 upon the things which he knew. Upon 
 which the examining master took off about 
 an inch of paper, and, pushing it towards 
 him, desired him to write upon that all ho 
 knew. 
 
 DYSPEPSY. 
 
 A thorough-bred fox-hunter found himself 
 so much out of health a little before the sea- 
 son of this sport began, that he took what 
 was then thouglit a long journey to consult >i^ 
 a physician, and get some advice which he 
 hoped would put him into a condition for the 
 field. Upon his return, his friends asked 
 liini what the doctor had said. " Wh}'," 
 said the squire, " he told me that I'd got a 
 dyspepsy. I don't know what that is : but 
 it's some d d thing or other, I suppose." 
 
 GRACE MAL-APROPOS. 
 
 A milliner's apprentice, about to wait upon V 
 a Duchess, was fearful of committing some 
 error in her deportment. She, therefore, 
 consulted a friend as to the manner in which 
 she should address this great personage ; and 
 was told that, on going before the Duchess, 
 she must say her Grace, and so on. Accord- 
 ingly, away went the girl, and, on being in- 
 troduced, after a very low curtsey, she said, 
 '• For what I am going to receive, the Lord 
 make me tridy thankful." To which the 
 Duchess answered, " Amen !" 
 
 WIUvES AND SIR WILLLAJVI STAINES. 
 
 Sir William Staines, by persevering stea- 
 dily in the pursuit of one object, accumulated 
 an immense fortune, and rose to the state- 
 coach and the Mansion- House. His first 
 entrance into life was as a common bricklayer. 
 At one of the Old Bailey dinners, after a 
 sumptuous repast of turtle and venison, Sir 
 WiUiam was eating a great quantity of but- 
 ter with his cheese, ""Why, brother," said 
 Wilkes, '-you lay it on with a trowel !" 
 
 A son of Sir William Staines fell from a lofty 
 ladder, and was killed ; when the father, on 
 being fetched to the spot, broke through the 
 crowd, exclaiming, " See that the poor fel- 
 low's watch is safe."
 
 EAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 15 
 
 IRISH DKINKINO. 
 
 It is related tliat, at a roaring dinner of a 
 round dozen of jolly Irishmen, all were ex- 
 tended in due time upon the floor, except 
 two heroes, who drank seven bottles of claret 
 more between them, and beginning then to 
 complain of a great " chill in their stomachs," 
 from that tkin cold French stuff, finished a 
 bottle of brandy between them, and walked 
 home — somehow or other. 
 
 CLEV'ER THIEVES. 
 
 At Buenos Ay res, instances have been 
 known of thieves running oil" with the clothes 
 of the sleeping inmates of the houses, fished 
 through the gratings of the window, by 
 means of one of the long canes of the countrj', 
 with a hook at the end of it ; in one -well- 
 known case, a gentlemau's watch was thus 
 hooked out of his pocket at his bed's head, 
 and he was but just roused by his frightened 
 wife in time to catch a last glimpse of the 
 chain and seals as they seemingly danced 
 out of the window. 
 
 THE ABSENT MAX. 
 
 The following ingenious trick is said to 
 have been played on old Thornton, the 
 theatrical manager. A bowl of negus, with 
 a plug bottom, which could be withdrawn at 
 pleasure, was once put before him ; he filled 
 his wine-glass but once, when the ))Iug (it 
 having been placed on a receptacle on pur- 
 pose) was drawn, and the liquor taken away ; 
 in a minute or two he was about replenish- 
 ing his glass, and saw tlie bowl empty ; lie 
 paused a inoment, then rang the bell to have 
 it re-filled ; it was, and after he had taken 
 two more glasses full, the trick was repeated ; 
 the second time he beheld it empty he gave 
 his nose a long pull, and rubbed his eyes, as 
 if he doubted whether he had slept or not ; 
 but he ordered a third, and paid for the three 
 bowls, evidently and entirely unconscious 
 that he had not drunk their contents. 
 
 TEMPKKANCE CRUETS. 
 
 The late James Smith might often be seen 
 at the Garrick Club, restricting himself at 
 dinner to a half a pint of sherry ; whence he 
 was designated an incorjiurated temperance 
 society. To do him justice, however, this 
 was not wS cb.oice; he diluted it with fre- 
 Huent tears; hd was restricted, not by vir- 
 tuous sobriet}', but by vicious gout, of which 
 he stood, or rather sat, in awe. But for this 
 there would have been no sucli small bottle 
 of that liquid, to remind the observer of Pojie's 
 Avidien and his wife (Lady M. W. Montague, 
 and her then autictuated spouse): — 
 
 " One frugal cruet served them both to dine. 
 And pass'd at once for vinegar and wine." 
 
 The late Sir William Aylett, a grumbling 
 member of the Union, and a two-bottle-mun, 
 observing Mr. Smith to be thus frugally fur- 
 nished, eyed Ms cruet with contempt, and ex- 
 claimed : " So 1 see you have got one of those 
 d d life-preservers ! " 
 
 CHEMICAL ODDITY. 
 
 While an ignorant lecturer was describing ^ 
 the nature of gas, a blue-stocking lady in- 
 quired of a gentleman near her, what was the 
 difference between oxj-gin and hydrogin? 
 " Ver}- little, madam," saidbe : " bj' oxygin we 
 mean pure gin ; and by hydrogin, gin and 
 water." 
 
 REAL POVERTY. 
 
 On Sir Sidney Smith's invasion of the 
 South American coast, in 1808, the Marquis 
 of Alorna returned the following laconic 
 answer to the enemy, the commander of 
 which asked for safe pas-^age and supplies, 
 wishing at the same time to know if he and 
 his troops would be received as friends or 
 enemies: — "We are unable to entertain you 
 as friends, or resist you as enemies." 
 
 THE MAKK-WEIGHTS. 
 
 The "make- weights" in society are im- 
 portant. It has been slirewdl}- observed of 
 the great Lord Chatham, that he fancied he 
 could make a political clock, which should go 
 by the mere force of the mainspring, without 
 the help of cog-wheel, pendulum, or balance ; 
 the consequence was, that his system, when- 
 ever it was set a-going, ran itself out in a 
 moment. 
 
 A NUIS.VMCE. 
 
 The following letter was intended to have 
 been sent to the "Annoyance Jury," by the 
 occupier of the house in the Strand, adjoin- 
 ing that in which the so-called " Bonassus" 
 was exhibited many years since : — 
 
 " March 28, 1822. 
 "Gentlemen, — I am sorry to trouble you 
 but I Am so Alloyed By next Door Neigh- 
 bour the Bonassus and with Beasts, that I 
 cannot live in my House — for the stench of 
 the Beast is So Great And their is only A 
 Slight petition Betwixt the houses and the 
 Beast are continually Breaking through in to 
 my Different Rooms And I am always loosing 
 my lodgers in Consequence of the Beast first 
 A Monkey made its way in My Bedroom 
 next the Jackall came in to the Yard and 
 this last week the people in Mj' Second floor 
 have been Alarmed in the Dead of the Night 
 B}' Monkey Breaking through in to the 
 Closset and are Going to leave in Consequence 
 this being the third lodgi i-s I have lost on 
 account of the Beast And 1 have been letting 
 my Second Floor at Half the Rent — And 
 those men of Mr. James are Bawling the 
 wliole Day Against My Wiiiduw — aud conti- 
 inially taking peoplf's attention Irom My 
 Window — And I am quite pestered with Rata 
 and I Am Confident they came from the 
 Exebition — And in Short thi' Ingury and 
 Nuisance is So Greai as aim. st Impossible to 
 Describe But to be so Anoyd By such an Im- 
 poster 1 think is Very Hard — Gentlemen 
 youi' Early Inquiry will 
 
 oblige your Servant — T. W. . 
 
 " N.B. And If I mention anything to Mr. 
 James He ondly Abuses me with the most 
 Uncouth Language."
 
 16 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 WHIST-PLAYING. 
 
 Charles Lamb said once to a brother whist- 
 player, who was a hand more clever than 
 clean, and who had enough in him to at^'ord 
 the joke : " M., if dirt were trumps, what 
 hands you would hold." 
 
 THE DEAF LADY. 
 
 "Speak a little louder, for I am so absent, 
 that ten to one I shall forget you are speak- 
 ing unless 3'ou raise your voice." This was 
 a subteiiuge on tlie part of the old lady to 
 conceal her deafness. 
 
 THK RETOBT IJE. 
 
 Perhaps the best retort upon a lie is to out- 
 wit it, as Galba did, when a courtier told 
 him that he had bought eels in Sicily five 
 feet long. " That," replied the Emperor, " is 
 no wonder; for there they arc so long that 
 the fishermen use them for ropes." 
 
 TRUE PHILOSOPliy. 
 
 X When Alderman Beckford's Ihie house at 
 Fonthill, with picture=i and furniture to a 
 great value, was burnt, he coolly said : " Oh ! 
 I have an odd £50,030 in a drawer ; I will 
 build it up again : it won't be above a 
 thousand pounds apiece difterence to my 
 thirty children!" 
 
 MAP.CH OF tSTKLLECT. 
 
 A poor woman, said to be ninety years of 
 age, was waiting outside the doors of tl)e 
 Cheltenham Theatre two hours before their 
 opening, having walked eight miles to see 
 " Jane Shore." Mrs. M'Gibbon, who was to 
 have enacted the heroine, deeming such de- 
 votion to the drama madness, asked her 
 dresser, who narrated the circumstance, if the 
 poor creature had her intellects. " I don't 
 know, ma'am," said the girl ; " she's gotten 
 snmrrmt tied up in her pocket-handkerchief." 
 
 INADVERTESCB AND EPICURISM. 
 
 When the Duke of Wellington was at 
 Paris, as Commander of the Allied Ai-mies, 
 he was invited to dine with Cambaceres, one 
 of the mostchstinguished statesmen and cour- 
 mets of the tmie of Napoleon. In the course 
 of dinner, his host having helped him to some 
 particularly richeche dish, expressed a hope 
 that he foimd it agreeable. "Very good," 
 said the Duke, who v/as probably reflecting 
 on Waterloo ; " very good, but I really do 
 not care what 1 eat." "Good God!" ex- 
 claimed Cambaceres, as he started back, and 
 . dropped his fork ; ■• Don't care what you eat I 
 What did you come here for, then?" 
 
 SAFE DIVISION. 
 
 A landowner and tenant having agreed to 
 refer a matter in dispute to a reference, it was 
 agreed that in case it should not thus be de- 
 cided, the matter should be settled, as usual, 
 by an umpire. " Well, be it so, but on this 
 condition," said the man of wealth, "that if 
 he cannot make a division, we shall have 
 umpires on both sides. 
 
 [ TKUK GENEROSITY. 
 
 A story is told of an Arabian Birkabebt 
 who was so generous, and yet so poor, that, 
 a thief coming into his chamber to steal, and 
 finding nothing, the Ai-abian called to him 
 as he was going away, and gave him his 
 bed, remarking that " It was a pity he should 
 go away empty-handed after all his labour." 
 
 SEEKING A PLACE. 
 
 One morning, scarcely' a fortnight after 
 General Jackson's arrival at the White 
 House, a shabbj'-genteel looking man pre- 
 sented himself at his parlour, and, after the 
 usual salutation and shaking of hands, ex- 
 pressed his joy at seeing the venerable old 
 gentleman at last hold the situation of chief 
 magistrate of the countrj', to which his 
 bravery, his talents, and his unimpeachable 
 rectitude fully entitled him. "We have had 
 a hard time of it," said he, "in our little 
 place; but our exertions were unremitting; 
 I myself went round to stimulate my neigh- 
 b.iurs, and at last the victory was ours. We 
 beat them by a majority often votes; and I 
 iHiw behold the result of that glorious tri- 
 umph !" The General thanked him in terms 
 of studied politeness, assuring him that he 
 would resign his oiHce in an instant if he 
 did not think his election gave satisfaction to 
 a vast majority of the people; and, at last, 
 regretted his admirer's zeal for the public 
 weal should have been so severely taxed oix. 
 his account. " Oh, no matter for that, sir," 
 said he ; " I did it with pleasure— I did it 
 for myself and for my country (the General 
 bowed) ; " and I now come to congratulate 
 you on your success " (the General bowed 
 again). " I thought, sir," that, as you are 
 now President of the United State-, I might 
 pel haps be useful to you in some official 
 capacity." (The General looked somewhat 
 embarrassed.) " Praj', sir, have you already 
 made a choice of j'our Cabinet Ministers?" 
 " I have," was the replj' of the General. 
 " Well, no matter for that ; I shall be satis- 
 fied with an embassy to Europe." " I am 
 sorry to say there is no vacancy." " Then 
 you will, perhaps, recpiire a head-clerk in 
 the department of State?" " These are ge- 
 nerally appointed by the respective secre- 
 taries." "I am very sorry for that; then I 
 must be satisfied with some inferior appoint- 
 ment.' " I never interfere with these ; you 
 must address yourself to the heads of depart- 
 ments." "But could I not be postmaster in 
 Washington ? Only think. General, how I 
 worked for you !" " I am much obliged to 
 }ou for the good opinion you entertain of 
 me, and for your kind offices at the last elec- 
 tion ; but the postmaster for the city of 
 Washington is already appointed." " Well, 
 I don't much care for "that ; I should be satis- 
 fied with being his clerk." " This is a sub- 
 ject you must mention to the postmaster." 
 " WlV, then, General," exclaimed the disap- 
 pointed candidate for office, "haven't you 
 got an old black coat?" You may well 
 imagine that the General gave him one. 
 
 \
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK 
 
 17 
 
 )C 
 
 -/ 
 
 POKTRY AND GARDKNINO. 
 
 Walpole lellinj:^ a nurseryman at Twicken- 
 ham that he wciild have his trees planted 
 irret^ularly, the man rt^plied : " Ye?, sir, I 
 undersmnd ; j'ou would have them hung 
 down somewhat /joe^icit/." 
 
 CUTTING JOKE. 
 
 On the health nf tlie " Master and Wardens 
 of the Cutlers' C'lnipans " beinf< drunk, a 
 wag whispered to the band, who had played 
 appropri te tunes to the other toast?, to play 
 "Terry, heiglio, the grinder T' which was 
 done. 
 
 NATUKB AND ART. 
 
 Wilkes calh-d one mornin;^ upon a friend 
 who resided in tlie City, and hid before his 
 House a few yards square, and two pl.ints, 
 which once resembled lilac, in large tul)s. 
 Men were employed in fiainting the outside 
 of the house. " lirmher," siid Wilkes to his 
 friend, "sulfrfr me to plead in behalf of them 
 two poor lilacs iu the tubs; pray let them be 
 painted too." 
 
 A D-'SP ROVER. 
 
 Mr. Brou<;ham, durmg his indefatigable 
 canvas of Yorkshire, in the course of which 
 he often addressed ten or a dozen meetings 
 in a day, thuught fit to harangue the electors 
 of Leeds immediately on his arrival, after 
 travelling all night, and without waiting to 
 perform his customary ablutions. " These 
 hands are clean," cried he, at the conclu-iion 
 of a diatribe against corruption; but they 
 ha|)pened to be very dirty; and this prac- 
 tical contradiction raised a hearty laugh. 
 
 VAILS TO 8KRVANT3. 
 
 To such a height had arrived the custom 
 of giving vails, or visiting-fees, to servants, 
 in 17G2, that Jonas llanway published upon 
 the subject eight le ters to the Duke of 
 X , supposed to be the Duke of New- 
 castle. Sir Thomas Waldo related to Han- 
 way, that, on leaving the house of the Duke 
 alluded to, after having feed a train of other 
 servants, he (Sir Thomas) put a crown into 
 the hand of the cook, who returned it, say- 
 ing, " Sir, I do not take silver." " Don't 
 vou, indeed !" said the Baronet, putting it 
 into his pocket : " then I do not give gold." 
 
 ERROR IN PERSONS. 
 
 Morat, in Switzerland, is celebrated as the 
 sc-ene of the defeat of Charles the Bold, in 
 147G ; and a little chapel, filled with the 
 bones of those that fell, bears this pithy in- 
 scription — "The army of Charles the Buld, 
 besieging Morat, left; this monument of its 
 passage." On seeing which, a Connemara 
 gentlf man observed, that " they might call 
 him 'bold' here; but he was too timid in 
 London, or he never would have popped his 
 head out of Lord Melbourne's middle window 
 to lay it on the block. Many a time he had 
 looked at it (the window) while knocking 
 tiis heels at the Horse Guards." It is useless 
 t/3 explain. Mac confounded the Martyr of 
 Kngland with the daring Duke of Burgundy. 
 
 THE CAT OUT. 
 
 " For whom were you wTeathing these yC 
 pretty flowers, ma miffnonne ?" " Fc>r m^- beau- 
 tifid mamma's new wig, ma'am." " Have I not 
 told you never to use the word wig ? Say hair, 
 always hair." " Y'e?, ma'am." 
 
 ODD REASON. 
 
 A celebrated wit was asked why he did Ic 
 not marry a young lad3' to whom he was 
 much attached. " I know not," he replied, 
 " except the great regard we have for each ' 
 other." ■ 
 
 VICTOR HUGO. 
 
 When Victor Hugo was an aspirmt for 
 the honours of the Academy, and Ciilled on \. 
 JL lioyer Collard to a.-^k his vote, the sturdy 
 veteran professed an entire ignorance of his 
 nime. " 1 am the author of ' Notre l>anie 
 de Paris ;' ' Les derniers Jours d'un Con- 
 ddmne; ' Bug-Jarsial,' 'Marion i-elorme," 
 &c." "I never heani of any of them." 
 '• Will you do me the honour of accepting a 
 copy oi my works?" "I never read new 
 books." £j:it Hugo ! 
 
 Solomon's temit.k. 
 When Reginald llebir read his pro^^e poem 
 of"Palestme" to Sir Waller Scoti, the latter 
 observed that, in the verses (n Solooion's 
 Temple, one striking circumstance had es- 
 caped him; namely, that no tools weie used 
 in its erection. Reginald retired (or a few 
 ninute^ *,o the corner of tlie room, and re- 
 turned with the beautiful lines : — 
 
 " No hammer fell, no ponderous axes rung ; 
 Like some tali palm, tlie m^ stic fabric sprung. 
 Majealic silence," &c. 
 
 ROVAT, BLUNDER. 
 
 Kings and offici.d personages have strangely 
 coniniited themselves, as well as oi her people. 
 Think of the Sovereign of Persia, who in- 
 quired what sort of p'ace Ainirica was — 
 "underground, or how ?" and if the greedy 
 he or she who called lish " congealed Wdter," 
 and forbade the free citing of it, le-t the 
 suppi}- for the Royal table should I'.dl shorts 
 (TCorge the Second preferred stale oy.-iiers for 
 their superior flavour; and greatly admired 
 Brentfoid lor its resemblance lo " Yarmany." 
 George the Third was not a wldt more 
 shrewd. The day of the last drawingroom 
 of the season had arrived, anil an Admiral's 
 lady (a handsome lady, by the way) was to 
 be presented, but was compelled lo leave her 
 gouty husbind at home. The !Ci;ig noticed 
 the new Court beauty, and inquiio.d af er her 
 lord, and their seat n\ Leicestershire. "Fine 
 |.lace, fine place, that — who built it?" " In- 
 digo Jones, please your Majesty." " Indigo 
 Jones, who's he? — some great blue-maker, 
 I suppose?" "Yes, please your Majest}'." 
 The lady returned home, and reported nro- 
 gre.ss to the .\dmiral, asking, " How do you 
 think I managed?" "Why, I'll be hanged 
 if I know w hich is the greatest fool, the King 
 or you," was the churlish reply.
 
 18 
 
 KAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 / 
 
 QUIKT THEFT. 
 
 A saddle being missing at a funeral, it was 
 observed, no wonder that nothing was heard 
 of it, for it is believed to have been stolen by 
 a mute. 
 
 AN OBSTINATE CEITTUB. 
 
 " Halloo ! Ben, let's go down here to our 
 «hurch, and view the demolished ruins of the 
 jiurricando." " Oh"! no, I an'tgot no time." 
 ^' Wj an't you got no time ?" " Oh, cause I 
 don't want to go?" " Wy don't you want to 
 go?" "Oh! cause I can't." "Jus gib us 
 j3.ason wv you can't go." "Oh! cause I 
 sh<m't," """Well, why shan't you?" "Oh! 
 cause 1 won't." " Ah ! nigger, I see you've 
 got de adwar.tage ob me in dat ere argiment ; 
 dere's no way ob gittin round you dis ere 
 time — wah, wah, wab!" 
 
 GKOEGE II. AND GAR RICK. 
 
 When George II. went to see Garrick act 
 Uichard III., the only part in the play 
 which interested the King was the Lord 
 Mayor of Londoti; and when Garrick was 
 attending the Royal party from the box, 
 anxious to hear the King's opinion of his own 
 performance, all the compliment from the 
 Sovereign was a high eulogy upon the Lord 
 Mayor. " I do love dat Lord Mayor," said 
 the King; "capital Lord Mayor; fine Lord 
 Mayor dat, M r. Garrick ; where you get such 
 capital Lord Mayor ?" 
 
 LOSS OF A^ ARM. 
 
 When Nelson visited the Royal Naval 
 Hospital at Yarmouth, after the battle of 
 Copenhagen, he wtnt round the wards, stop- 
 ped at every bed, and to every man said 
 something kind and cheering. At length, 
 he stopped opposite to a bed on which was 
 lying a sailor who had lost his right arm 
 close to the shoulder-joint, when the following 
 short dialogue ensued:— " i\'eZspn ; "Weill 
 Jack, what's the matter with you ?" Sailor : 
 "Lost my rig^t arm, your honour." Nel- 
 son paused, looked down at bis empty sleeve, 
 then at the sailor, and said plaj'fully, " Well, 
 Jack, then you and I are spoiled for fisher- 
 men ; cheer up, my brave fellow." 
 
 THB LADY AND THE AMBASSADOR, 
 
 In what light Ambassadors are held 5y the 
 ladies in the United States will appear from 
 the following anecdote: — At a dinner-party 
 to which most of the representatives of the 
 greater powers and some of the smaller ones 
 were invited, one of them, a jolly old bache- 
 lor of the Eng.ish school, attempted a song, 
 which so much gratified the ladies, that it 
 was proposed every gentleman present should, 
 in turn, follow the example. Russia and 
 some other great powers immediately obeyed 
 the summuus; but when the turn came to 
 the representative of a new court, he indig- 
 nantly exclaimed, " Mon Hoi ne m'a pas 
 envoyc icipour chanter." " Well," answered 
 a lady, "if ynu will not sitog, ve shall ask 
 your gallant King to send us somebody else 
 who rcill." 
 
 THE RIGHT ORGAN. 
 
 Spurzheim was lecturing on phrenology. 
 " What is to be conceived the organ of drunk- 
 enness ?" said the professor. " The barrel- 
 organ," interrupted Bannister. 
 
 ACCOMMODATINO ELOQUENCE. 
 
 Benjamin Constant had such a command 
 of language, that whtm he chanced to dis- 
 please his audience by an expression, he 
 would go on substituting synonymes till he 
 suited them. For example: "lam anxious 
 to spare the Cro«n'' — at murmur; "-the 
 jMonarch" — the murmurs continue; "the 
 Constitutional King" — the murmurs are 
 liushed. 
 
 DROLL TO Or.OER. 
 
 One evening, a lady said to a small wit, 
 
 "Come, Mr. , tell us a lively anecdote," 
 
 and the poor fellow was mute during the re- 
 mainder of the evening. " Favour me with 
 j'our company on Wednesday evening, you 
 are such a lion," said a weak party-giver to 
 a young author. " I thank you," replied the 
 wit ; " but on that evening I am engaged to 
 
 eat fire at the Countess of -, and stand 
 
 upon my head at Mrs. ." 
 
 CARTOUCHE. 
 
 Cartouche (the French highwa}'man), in 
 company with twoother"gentlemen," robljed 
 the cache, or packet-boat, from Melun, where 
 they took a good quantity of booty — making 
 the passengers lie down on the decks, and 
 rifling them at leisure. " TuSs moneV^ill 
 be but very little among three," whispered 
 Cartouche to his neighbour, as the three con- 
 querors were making merry over their gains ; 
 " if you were to pull the trigger of your pistol 
 in the neighbourhood of your comrade's ear, 
 perhaps it ir.ight go off; and then there 
 would be but tw i of us to share." Strangely 
 enough, as Cartouche said, the pistol diJ go 
 oflF, and No. 3 perished. " Give him another 
 ball," said Cartouche; and another was fired 
 into him. But, no sooner had Cartouche's 
 comrade discharged both his pistols, than 
 Cartouche himself, seized with a furious in- 
 dignation, drew his. " Learn, monster,'" cried 
 he, " not to be so greedy of gold ; and perish, 
 the victim of thy disloyalty and avarice!" 
 So Cartouche slew the second robber ; and 
 there is no man in Europe who can saj' that 
 the latter did not merit well the punishment. 
 
 WILKES'S TERGIVEiSSATION. 
 
 WUkes may be said to have " turned his 
 back upon himself," borrowing an Hiber- 
 nicism of our own times; and in his soberer 
 years he laughed pleasantly enough at the 
 folly of his quondam dupea. One day, in his 
 later life, he went to Court, when Geurge IlL 
 asked him, in a good-namred tone of banter, 
 how his friend Serjeant Glynn was. Glynn 
 had been one of his most furious partisans. 
 Witkes replied, with affected gravity, " Nay, 
 Sire, don't call Serjeant Glvim a friend of 
 mine ; the fellow was a Wilkite, which ycur 
 Maiestv knows 1 never was."
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 19 
 
 TOM SHERIDAN OUT SHOOTIXG. 
 
 Tom Sheriilaa was staying at Lord 
 X Craven's, at Pauham (or rather Hampstead), 
 — ' and one div proceeded on a shooting excur- 
 sion, like liawthorii, with only "his d.>g and 
 his guu," ou foot, and unatt'mded by cora- 
 patiion or keeper; the sport was bad — tha 
 birds few and shy— and h'i walked and walked 
 in search of game, until, unconscioiuly, he 
 entered the domain of some neighbouring 
 squire. A very short time after, he perceived 
 advancing towards him, at the top of his 
 speed, a joll_v, cotiifortablc gentleman, fol- 
 lowed by a servant, armed, as it appeared, for 
 conflict.' Tom took up a position, and waited 
 the ap,jroach of the enemy. " Hallo ! you 
 sir," said the squire, when within half ear- 
 shot ; "what are you doing here, sir, eh?"' 
 "I'm shooting, sir," said Tom. "Do you 
 know where you are, sir?" said tho squire. 
 " I'm here, sir," said Tom. " Her ^ sir ?'' said 
 the squire, growing angry; "and do you 
 know where here is, sir.' — these, sir, are my 
 manors; what d'ye think of that, sir, eh?' 
 "Wiiy, sir, as to .your manners," said Tom, 
 " I can't say they seem over-agreeable." " I 
 don't want any jokes, sir," said the squire ; 
 " I hate jokes. Who are you, sir — what are 
 you?" " Wliy, sir," said Tom, " ray nam3 is 
 Sheridan — I am staying at Lord Craven's — I 
 have come out for some sport — I have not 
 had any, and I am not a\?are that I am tre.s- 
 passing." "Sheridan!" said the squu-e, cool- 
 ing a little, "oh, from Lord Craven's, eh? 
 AVell, sir, I could not know that, sir — I — " 
 " Xo, sir," said Tom, " but you need not 
 have been in a passion." " Not in a passion, 
 Mr. Sheridan !" said the squire ; " you don't 
 know, sir, what these preserves have cost me, 
 and the pains and trouble I have been at with 
 them ; it's all very well for you to talk, but if 
 you were in my place, I should like to know 
 what you would say upon such an occasion ?" 
 " Why, sir," said Tom, " if I were in your 
 place, under all the circumstances, I should 
 say — 1 am convinced, Jlr. Sheridan, you did 
 not mean to annoy me ; and as you look a 
 good deal tired, perhaps you'll come up to my 
 Souse and take some rJrehment." The 
 squire was hit hard by this nitnckalance, and 
 (as the new-papers Riy), it is ueodless to add, 
 acted upon Sheridan's suggestion. " So far," 
 said poor Tom, " the story t'-dis for me — now 
 you sliall hear the sequel." After having re- 
 galed himself at tI\o squire's house, and hav- 
 ing said live hundred more good things than 
 he swallowed ; having delighted his host, and 
 more than halt' won the hearts of his wife and 
 daughters, tha sportsman proceeded on his 
 return homewards. In the cooise of his 
 walk, he parsed through a farm-y?rd ; in the 
 front of til e farm-house was a green, in the ; 
 centre of which was a pond — in the pond 
 were ducks innumerable, swimming and 
 diving ; oa its verdant banks a motley group 
 of gallant cocks and pert partlets, picking 
 and feeding ; the farmer was l>xining over 
 the hatch of tho bam, whic.'i stood near two 
 cottages on the side of the green. Tom hated 
 
 to go back with an empty bag ; and. having 
 failed in his attempts at higher game, it 
 struck him as a good j die to ridicule the ex- 
 ploits of the daj' hi'iiself, in order to prevent 
 any one else from doing it for him ; and he 
 thought that to carry home a certain nun;- 
 ber of the domestic inhabitants of the pond 
 and its vicinity, would serve the purpose ad- 
 mirably. Accordingly, up he goes to the 
 farmer, and accosts him very civilly. " My 
 good friend," sa3S Tom, " I'll make you an 
 offer." "Of what, sur?" says the farmer. 
 " Why," replies Tom, " IVe been out all day 
 fagging after birds, and haven't had a shot. 
 Now, both my barrels are loaded — I should 
 like to take home something; what shall I 
 give you to let me have a shot with each 
 barrel at those ducks and fowls — I standing 
 here — and to have whatever I kill ?" " Wiiat 
 sort of a shot are you?" said the farmer. 
 "Fairish!" said Tom, "fairish!" "And to 
 have &\\. you kill?" said the farmer, "eh?" 
 "Exactly CO," said Tom. "Haifa guinea," 
 said the farmer. "That's too much," said 
 Tom. « I'll teU you what I'll do— I'll give 
 you a seven-shilling piece, which happens to 
 be all the monev I have in mv pocket" 
 " Well," said the man, " hand il o"er." The 
 payment was made. Tom, true to his bar- 
 pain, took his post by the barn-door, and let 
 fly with one barrel, and then with the other, 
 and such quack'ug and splashing, and scream- 
 ing and fluttering, had never been seen in 
 that plarc before. Away ran Tom, and, de- 
 lighted at his success, picked up first a hen, 
 tiien a chicken, then fished out a dying duck 
 or tv.'o, and so on, until he numbered eight 
 head of domestic game, with v.hich his bag 
 was nobly distendtd. " Those were right 
 good shots, su)-," said the farmer. " Yes," 
 said Tom, " eight ducks and fowls were more 
 than you bargained for, old feliov,- — worth 
 rather more, I suspect, than s_ven shillings 
 — eh ?" " Wh}', yes," said the man, scratch- 
 ing his head, " I think th*y be ; but what 
 do I care for that? they are none of them 
 mine !" " Here," said Tom, " I w.is for I'Dce in 
 my life beaten, and made o(F as last as 1 could, 
 for fear the right owner of my game might 
 make his appearance — not but that I could 
 have given the fellow that took me in 
 seven times as much as I did, for his cun- 
 ning and coolness." 
 
 COMPLIMENT TO B"T.4J^TY. 
 
 When the city of Beaune received Louis 
 XIV., he tiisted their wine, which his Ma- 
 jestj' praised. "Oh! Sire," said the Mayor, 
 " it i i not to be compared with what we have 
 in our collars." " Which you keep, no doubt, 
 for a better occasion," replied the Kisig. 
 
 JIAKRIED WOMIiN. 
 
 "Pooh! my dcoi- fellow," said Lord Has- 
 liugden to a young Captaiu in the Blues, 
 who was professing his dislike of girls, and 
 his preference for the society of young mar- 
 ried women; "a voung married woman is 
 only a girl who belongs to s-jmabc^iy else," 
 
 c 2
 
 20 
 
 EAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK 
 
 A DAY TOO UTE. 
 
 La Fontaiiif wns so absent ss to call and 
 visit a fvicnil whose funeral lie had atiendcrt. 
 He was much -uriniseil at tirt; but, recol- 
 lecting hini^el', said, " It is true enough, for 
 I was there." 
 
 COGRNT KFASON. 
 A revolution:iry mob having got hold of 
 the Abii6 M 'ury, resolved on tiutring h'm 
 to death. "Totlie lantern with him !"' was 
 the univpr.=al civ. The Abbe, with much 
 sangfroid, said to those wh" were dragging 
 him alontr, "Well! it you hang niH lo the 
 lantern, wi;i you nee any the clearer for it?" 
 And the Abbe was spared. 
 
 NAER'iW KS'"APK OF LORD CASTl KREAGH. 
 
 The late i.onl Castlereaiih was find of field 
 sports, and frequent'y beat up the Wicklow 
 hills as far as the house of Counsellor Col- 
 back, which, "perched on high, like an 
 eagle's uhsI," looks over the capital In these 
 sports he was v^ry^uccess ul, and was always 
 proverbial for being a reniarkalily good shot. 
 Retunuiig one evening in July Irom the 
 mountains, he wis aicosfed by tw nnen, who 
 inquired the hour ; at the caine instant one 
 oflhems"izel the double-barreli^d tbwlm^- 
 oiece which Lorl Castlenagn was carrying. 
 The latter dre^v a pistol from his pock- 1, and 
 shot hi- assiil int, who immeiliately fell. A 
 second pis ol havii g missed tire, another 
 ruffian, springing out from an ailjucent 
 ditcb, rushed, together with the fellow who 
 was still : nhurt, upon his Lordship, wlio at 
 ODce began to retreat. At this mo'iunt, a 
 person, jumping over the gate «hich iin- 
 peded liis iipproach, fired a pistid at I'ne of 
 the robbers, and s- izing him instantly by the 
 collar, he, with Lord C istlereagh's as-istance, 
 secured this man, widle the other niad« the 
 best use of his time in running utT as last as 
 possible; and to this movement his oppo- 
 nents did not think proper to off r any ob- 
 struction. The tellov who had wreste I the 
 gun from Lord Castlereagh had received a 
 ball in his neck: he was raist-d from the 
 ground, and his bands, as well a-* ihose of his 
 comrade, having been tied b hind, ttieir cap- 
 tors conveved thera to Dutidrum, where 
 their wounds were dressed. These ofTenders 
 were fonml to belong to the litiert)' of Dub- 
 lin; and having casually seen LonI Castle- 
 reagh change a two-guinea note at a small 
 public house, ihev had determined to com- 
 mit the above mentiomd daring assiult, in 
 order to elfct the robbery of their pro osed 
 victim. It turned out that the person who 
 appeared so o[)portiini'ly to aid Lord Castle- 
 reagh was Mr. Jennings, a lieutenant in the 
 Navy, then on hal -pay. He was returning 
 from a visit when he had the hap[)iness to 
 rescue so valuaide a life from the murderers' 
 hands. Jn nings was a brave officer, and 
 well worthy o' notice; and Loni Castlereayh 
 afterw rds jiresente 1 him with a commission, 
 as comm iiider (jf the Rnse intter, of 14 
 isuns, and gave him £100 fur outfit. 
 
 LUXURIOUS SMOKING. 
 
 " The most luxurious smoker I ever 
 knew," says Mr. Paget," was a young Tran- 
 sylvanian, who told me that his servant 
 always inserted a lighted pipe into his 
 mouth the first thing in the morning, and 
 that he smoked it out before he awoke. ' It 
 is so pleasant,' he observed, 'to hive the 
 proper taste restored to one's month before 
 one is sensible even of its wants.' " 
 
 HORNE TOOKE AND WIUCICS. 
 
 Home Tooke having challenged Wilkes, > 
 who was then Sheriff of London and Mid- 
 dlesex, received the following laconic replj': 
 "Sir, — I do not think it my busine-s to cut 
 the throat of every desperado that may be 
 tired of his life; but, as I am at present 
 High Sherift'of the citj' of London, it may 
 happen that I shall shortly have an oppor- 
 tunity of attending you in my official capa- 
 city, in which case I will answer for it that 
 you sha/l have no ground to complain of my 
 endeavours to serve j ou." 
 
 STAGE BLUNDERS. 
 
 Blunders upon the stage have often re- 
 lieved a dull play; and it is remarkable, that 
 if one actor stumbl-', another is almost sure 
 to follow his example. Charles Mathews, if 
 he once blundered in his popular "At Home," 
 was sure to make ninnv blunders: perchance 
 from hishabit of imitation. Two of the most 
 celebrated stage blnniers once occurred in 
 the comedy of llie "CI ^pdestine ^ariiage;" 
 when one of the characl'e'S saw '•{TCandle go 
 along the gallery with a man in his hand;" 
 and another "locked the key, and put the 
 door in his pocket." 
 
 MISERIES OF RETIREMENT. 
 
 It is neither >o eas\' a thing, nor so agree- 
 able a one, liS men coinmo|ily exjiect, to 
 dispose of leisure when they retire from the 
 business of the world. Their old otcnpaiions 
 cling to them, evei when they hope that 
 they have emancipated theniselvcs. Goto 
 anj' S'a-port town, and \o\\ will see that the 
 sea-captain, who has retired upon his well- 
 earned savings, sets up a weathercock in full 
 view from his windows, and watches the va- 
 riations of the wind as duly as when he was 
 at sea, though no long'-r with the sime 
 anxiety. A tallow chandler, hiving amassed 
 a fortune, dispo.sed of his bus'iiess, and tot>k 
 a house in the country, not far from London, 
 that he might enj •> himself; and, after a 
 few months' tri tl of a holiday life, requested 
 permission of his successor to come into 
 town and assist him on melting days. Tha 
 keeper of a retail spiiit-sl op, having in like 
 manner retired from trade, usd to employ 
 himself by having one puncheon filled with 
 water, and measuring it off by pints into 
 another. A butcher, in a small coimtry 
 town, for some little time after he had left off 
 business, informed his old customers that he 
 meant to kill a Iamb once a week, just for 
 amusement.
 
 HALLWAY ANECDOTE BOOK 
 
 2Y 
 
 NO BAD nULE. 
 
 " I never go late to a friend's dinner (said 
 Boileau) ; for I havf observed, that when a 
 company is waiting for a man, they make use 
 of the interval to load him with abuse." 
 
 SALISBURY CATHEDRAL SPIRE. 
 
 A sexton in Salisbury Cathedral was telling 
 Charles Lamb that eight people had dined 
 at the top of the spire; upon which Lamb re- 
 marked that they must be very sharp set. 
 
 JIILE<!L\S ADVICE. 
 
 "Never be critical upon the ladies," was 
 the maxim of an ol I h sh peer, remarkable 
 for his homage to the sex ; " the only way in 
 the world that a true gentleman ever will 
 attempt to look at the faults of a pretty 
 woman, is to shut his eyes." 
 
 foreigners' blunders. 
 Foreigners in England, or Englishmen on 
 the Continent, blunder in due cuuise. Think 
 of the Frenchman who drank hidf -and-half 
 because porter was too strorg; thinking this 
 mixture " lor the people" to be half water 
 and half porter. Pasta, by the way, to keep 
 herself in full or whole vice, drank half- 
 and-half. On the other side, a Scotchman 
 at Ba.\ onne bc'ng asked b_v a fellow-traveller 
 where he was lodging, rej)lied, " Yonder, at 
 Mr. Bains' (Baths)." In France, when the 
 thea<res are closed, bills are printed with the 
 word " relache" (shut) : a wooden-headed 
 machinist, waiting at Paris for a new spec- 
 tacle, ofien su.v tliis affiche on the columns 
 of the Palais Royal, and one day observed 
 what a successful piece " relache'^ must be, 
 since it had been so often played whik he had 
 been in Paris. 
 
 printers' blunders. 
 Printers' errata are a very numerous class 
 of blunders, and drolleries too, when we re- 
 member what havoc a single letter may 
 make. We recollect the question, in the 
 Banks' Committee Evidence before Parlia- 
 ment — " Ilow many nns{t)es were in circula- 
 tion at that time?" Now and then, an acci- 
 dent turns out well: as, when the prmtcr of 
 Vincent Wing's Almaiiaik told his boy, 
 peevishly, to insert "anything" in the wea- 
 ther column of August — " Snow in harvest," 
 if he liked; he did so, the prediction was 
 realized, and the almanack-maker's fortune 
 secured. Touching literal errors: a gentle- 
 man wrote to his countrj' servant, telling 
 him to take a card to a friend, and invite him 
 to dinner ; but the valet read cart, and ac- 
 cordingly took that ungentlemanly vehicle 
 across the country for the bidden one ; and 
 the blunder broke up the acquaintance. We 
 remember a piece of drollery in O'Connor's 
 "Chronicles of Erin." In 'the preface the 
 reader is told that the original MSS. on skin 
 rolls were burnt in an accidental fire many 
 hundred years before ; and in the work itself 
 the curious are informed that the originals 
 may be seen at the publishers'! 
 
 reasonable fellow. 
 A notarj'-public, being condemned to be 
 hanged for forgery, lamented the hardship 
 of his case ; that, having written many 
 thousand inoffV-nsive sheets, he should be 
 hanged for one line ! 
 
 KNIGHTHOOD. 
 
 When Lord Sandwich was to present '^ 
 Admiral Campbell, he told him th.at, pro- ~ 
 bably, the King would knight him. The 
 Admiral did not much relish the honour. 
 " Well, hut," .«aid Lord Sandwich, "perhaps 
 Mrs. C.impi)ell will like it." " Then, let the 
 King knight htr," answered the rough sea- 
 man. 
 
 A C''>5raON CAST?. 
 
 Most persons will a^ree with Charles Lamb, 
 that it is .ntolerablo to p ly for articles 
 you have been used to get for nothing. 
 Thus, "when Adam laid out his first 
 p;nny up mi nonpareils at some stall in 
 Mesopotamia, I think it went hard with 
 him, reflecting upon his old gondly orchard, 
 where he had so mauy for nothing." 
 
 friendly banter. 
 Friend Grace, it seems, had a very good' -^ 
 horse and a very poor one. When seen 
 riding the 1 itter. ho was asked the reason (it 
 turned out that his better half had taken the 
 good one). "What," said the bantering 
 bachelor, '• how comes it you let your mis- 
 tress ride the better liorte?'' The only reply 
 was— " Friend, when thee beest married, 
 thee'lt know." 
 
 SWALLOWING A WIMT. 
 
 ^Ir. Serjeant Davy, who lies buried in V 
 Newiuiitou Church, Surrey, was a most 
 eccentric character. lie was originally a 
 chemist at Exeter; when a slieritT's officer 
 coming to serve on him a process from the 
 Court of Common Pleas, he very civill}' 
 asked him to drink some beer. While the 
 man was drinkic g, Davy contrived to heat 
 a poker, and then asking what the parch- 
 m«nt; proce-s was made of, and being an- 
 swered, of sheepskin, he told the ollijer it 
 must eat as well as mutton, and recom- 
 mended him to try it. 'Ihe baililf said, it 
 was his business to serve pioce-ses, and not 
 to eat them; iipon which Divy told bim 
 that if he would not eat that, he should i 
 swallow the p )ker. The man preerred th»- 
 parchment. But the Court of Common 
 Pleas, not then accustomed to Mr. Davy's 
 jokes, sent for him to Westminster Hall, 
 read him a serious lecture on contempt of 
 their process, and 1 icked him up in the Fleet 
 Prison. Fiom this circumstance, and some 
 unfortunate men whom he met there, Davy 
 acquired that taste for the law which the 
 eating of a process had not given the bailiff; 
 and when he was di.-chargea from the Fleet 
 he applied t" the study of the law in earnest, 
 was called tn the bur, made a seije^int, and 
 was for a long time in considerable practice, 
 He died in 17«0. 
 
 \ 
 
 'i
 
 22 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 A PIECE OF MATE. 
 
 A young actor liaving played a part tole- 
 rably well, Elliston orie evening called him 
 into the green-room, and addressed him to 
 this eftt'ct : " Young man, j'ou have not only 
 pleased the public, but you have pleased me ; 
 and, as a slight token of my regard and good 
 wishes, I beg your acceptance of a small 
 piece of pLite." It was, bej'ond all question, 
 a very small piece, for it was a silver tooth- 
 pick! 
 
 LORD NORTH AND FOX. 
 
 Lorth North, when contemptuously alluded 
 to bj' Fox, as " that thing termed a Minis- 
 ter," replied: "The honourable gentleman 
 calls me a thing, and (patting his ample 
 stomach) an unshapely thmg I am ; but, 
 when he adds, that thing termed a Miraster, 
 be calls me that which he himself is most 
 anxious to become ; and, therefore, I take it 
 as a compliment." 
 
 HOW TO WIN A KINGD03L 
 
 Sj'ed byeed bin Sultan, the Sovereign of 
 Muscat, is one of the most distinguished 
 Princes of Asia. During a long minority, 
 the administration of the Government was 
 confided to an Imam, and uncle of the young 
 Monarch, who was unwilling to resiiin when 
 his wjird became of age; and, in order to re- 
 move him out of hi« way, conducted him to 
 a lonely fortress. There the young Sultan 
 was informed by his friends that the Eegent 
 aimed at his death ; and, to frustrate this 
 ambitious design, he one evening requested 
 to see his uncle. ]S!o sooner was he in his 
 
 Eresence than Syed Syeed stabbed him with 
 is khunger. The Eegent, wounded as he 
 was, scidtd the wall, and, mounting a swift 
 horse, fled. The friends of the young Prince 
 told him that his work v/as only half done, 
 and that, if his uncle escaped alive, his 
 throne vould be insecure. He at once 
 mounted and followed his relative, whom he 
 found stretched beneath a tree, unalle to 
 proceed from loss of blood. He there pinned 
 him to the gi-ound with his spear, and, 
 hastening to a neighbouring stronghold, 
 knocked loudlj' at the gate, and called for 
 assistance, stating that his uncle was dying 
 not fur off. Of course, the Ri-gent was 
 found de id. The Sultan returned to his 
 friends, and the next day hastened to Mus- 
 cat, which he reached before the news of the 
 Kegent's death. He immediately summoned 
 the cr.ptains of the fortresses, and, when they 
 were all present, he required that they should 
 deliver up their respective commands tcsuch 
 persons as he should name, under paiu of 
 immediate death in case of refusal. He ap- 
 pointed successors from his own tribe, and 
 has since observed the same policy in filling 
 all offices in his Government. In this man- 
 ner he obtained possession of the throne, in 
 1807, bat held it as a tribr.tary to Sahoud 
 Abdallah, the chief of the Wah;ibites, until 
 181G. Sahoud w.ts that year sui'dued, and 
 ci'ir.ducted to Constantinople by the famed 
 Ibrahim Pacha, and th«ie publicly executed. 
 
 DAISTY rmsiiNAU 
 
 A criminal at Oporto, about to be hanged, 
 would not quit the ladder before some hquor 
 was given to him. A cup of wine being 
 brought, before drinking it he blew off the 
 froth. Being aeked why he did so, he replied, 
 " Brother, because new wine is bad ibr the 
 liver." 
 
 PROPHECY FULFrLLED. 
 
 When Prince Poniatowski was a boy, his 
 mother consulted a celebrated deaf and dumb 
 Bohemian gipsy as to his fate, who recorded 
 on a slip cf paper the following laconic pre- 
 diction : " Hiite dich von ei; er Elsterl" 
 ("Beware of the Magpie!") This augury 
 was not only disregarded, bat nearly for- 
 gotten, until its remarkable fulfilment, by 
 the Piince meeting with his death in the 
 river Elster (Magpie), during the retreat of 
 the French anny, after the battle of Leipsic, 
 in 1813. 
 
 FRANCO-ENGLISH. x^ 
 
 A French gentleman rescued from a duck- ^ 
 ing in the Thames, and taken to an adj:icent 
 tavern, was advised to drink a tumbler of 
 very hot brandy-and-water, and thus 
 addressed the waiter who was mixing it: 
 " Sir, I shall thank you not to make it a 
 fortnight." "A fortnight!" replied Joe; 
 " hadn't you better take it directly ?" " Oh, 
 3-es," said Monsieur ; " directly, to be sure, 
 but not a fortnight, not two week.'''' 
 
 ART OF TALKING. 
 
 Curran sometimes mistook his own 
 abundant contribution for that of his com- 
 pany, observing, '^Well, we hajte had a de- 
 lightful dinner; all were in capital spirits. 
 I never remember to have been more 
 amused." During all this period Curran 
 himself had been almost the only one who 
 had uttertd a syllable; j-et, if uttered,-that 
 syllable was merely to keep him in motion ; 
 or, as Burke said of his conversations with 
 Johnson, " only to ring the bell." 
 
 SIR HUSiPHREY DA^T. 
 
 Laybach, in Styria, is interesting to the 
 lover of science for having been the retreat 
 of Sir Humphrey Davy not long before his 
 death ; he resided in a hotel here, and the 
 pretty daughter of the hostess relates several 
 anecdotes respecting him. He was a most 
 indefatigable angler: his extraordinary suc- 
 cess in transferring the trout to his basket 
 procured for him the title of " the English 
 wizard;" and the scared peasants, who could 
 never understand by what artificial mears he 
 caught the fi h, shunned him as if he had 
 been his Satanic Majesty He spent the 
 greater part of the day in angling, or in 
 geologizing among the mountains; and ge- 
 nerall}' passed his evenings in the society of 
 the hostess' daughter, who made his tea, and 
 was his antagonist at e'carte', or some other 
 light game ; indeed, the " maid of the inn" 
 played her cards so well, that she secured a 
 handsome legacy ."rom the philosopher in tus 
 will.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 23 
 
 EATING OLIVES. 
 
 ■^ Tliere is etiquette in eating olives. Cardi- | 
 nal Rieheliea is 3aid to have detected an ad- j 
 venturer, wlio was passing himself off as a 
 noblem.ii, by his helping himself to olives 
 with a fork ; it being comme il faut to use 1 
 the fingers for that purpose. 
 
 THE I^VW'S DELAY. 
 
 A few j'ears ago, a cargo of ice was im- 
 X ported into this country from Norway. Not 
 havirg sucli an article" in the Custom-House 
 schedules, application was made to the Trea • 
 3urs- and to the Board of Trade; and, after 
 sonic little delay, it was decided that the ice 
 should be entered as " rfn/ goods ;" but the 
 ■whole cargo had melted before the doubt was 
 cleared up I 
 
 LARGE AND S5IALL. 
 
 • Long ago, a certain proprietor in the 
 county of Rutland became vpiy intimate 
 with the Duke of Argyll. One day, in the 
 pliriiiiude of his friendship, he said to him: 
 "How I w'sh your est'ite v.'ere in my 
 county!" Upon which the Duke leplitd, 
 ♦' I'm thinking, if it were, there would be no 
 room for yours. " 
 
 THE MKST A5D BEST EOITLE. 
 
 Who does not recollect a first bottle of 
 wine, unequalled by its successors? We 
 remember ordering a bottle of Grave at the 
 Tete-de-Bceuf, at Abbeville, which was 
 marked in the carte at three francs. It 
 eame — people may talk of Kudesheim, Bur- 
 gtmdy, and Hermitage, and all the wines 
 that ever the Rhone or the Rhine produced, 
 but ne^'er was thr-re wirie like that bottle of 
 Grave. We drank it slowly, and lingered 
 over the last glass as if we had a pre- 
 sentiment we should never meet with its 
 iik" again. When it was done, quite done, 
 we ordered another bottle. But no — it was 
 not the same wine. We sent it away, and in 
 vain — and another — there was bo more of it 
 to be had. 
 
 LONG STORIES. 
 
 Captain George Robert Fitzgerald was one 
 day rattling on in an ordinary, in a small 
 town, in Mayo county, vhen Mr. Garret 
 Dillon, an old story-teller, shouted out: 
 "Captain Fitzgerald, let me ask you this 
 little question — do you intend to pay every 
 man's club presfiit?" "No, sir," replied 
 Filzg-t-rald, ■' this is an ordinary, and not my 
 private house." " Well, then, sir, as you 
 have now for two long hours engrosseil the 
 whole talk to yourself, I lay down my watch 
 on the table, and if you attempt to say a 
 word for one hour, I will make it a personal 
 matter with you. George Robert, to the 
 surprise of the company, quietlj' sumitted to 
 the injunction ; the hour passed on ; Dillon 
 told, as under restraint, some stories in his 
 worst manner; and it was a relief to the 
 company when I'itzgerald, at the expiration 
 of the injunction, with perfect good-humour, 
 commenced to talk as if he had never been 
 interrupted. 
 
 FRENCH LASGITAGK. 
 
 WTien some one was expatiating en the 
 merits of the French language to Mr. Can- 
 ning, he exclaimed : " Why, what oo earth, 
 sir, can be expected of a language which ha^ 
 but one word for Uhing and loving, and puts 
 a fine woman and a leg of mutton on a par: 
 — J'aime Julie ; j'aime un gignt ! " 
 
 TELLING ONk'S AGE. , 
 
 A lady, complaining how rapidly time '^ 
 stole away, said, " Alas ! I am near thirty." 
 Soarron, who was present, and knew her age, 
 said, " Do not fret at it, madam ; for you 
 will get further from that frightjful epoch 
 every day." 
 
 chanti'.ey's first sculiture. y 
 
 Chantrey, when a boy, used to take milk 
 to Sheffield on an ass. To those not used to 
 seeing and observing such things, it may be 
 necessary to state that the boys generally 
 cany a good thick stick, with a hooked or 
 knobbed end, with \< hicii they belibour their 
 asses sometimes unmercifully. On a certain 
 day, when returning home, riding on his ass, 
 Chantrey was observed by a gentleman to be 
 very intently engaged in ctitling a stick with 
 his penknife, and, excited by his curiosity, he 
 asked the lad v.hat he was doing, when, with 
 great simplicity of manner, but with courtesy, 
 he replied, "lam cutting old Fox's head.'' 
 Fox was the schoolmaster of the village. 
 On this, the gentleman asked to see what he 
 had done, pronounced it to be an excellent 
 likeness, and presented the youth with sLr- 
 pence, and this may, perhap.s, be reckoned the 
 first money Chantrey ever obtained for bis 
 ingenuity. 
 
 ^vmericanissis. 
 "Well, Abel, what do you think of our 
 native genius, Mister Forrester?" " Well, I 
 don't go much to theatricals, that's a fact ; 
 but I do think he piled tlie agony up a little 
 too high in that last scene." The gam- 
 blers on the Mississippi use a verj' re- 
 fined phrase for "cheating" — "playing the 
 advantages over him." But, as may be sup- 
 posed, the principal terms used are those 
 which are borrowed from trade and com- 
 merce. The rest or remainder is usually 
 termed the balance : " Put some of those 
 apples into a di.^h, and tlie balance into the 
 store- room." When a person has made a 
 mistake, or is out in his calculations, they 
 say, " You have missed a figure that time." 
 Even the thieves must be commercial in their 
 ideas. One rogue, meeting another, asked 
 him what he had done that morning ? " Not 
 much," was the rcpiv; " Fve only realized 
 this umbrella." * " * . '* * 
 
 There is sometimes in the American meta- 
 phors an energy which is very remarkable. 
 "Well, I reckon that, from his teeth to his 
 toe-nail, there's not a human being of a more 
 conquering nature than General Jackson." 
 One gentleman said to me, " I wish I had all 
 hell boiled down to a pint, just to pour dovTi 
 your throat." — Captain Marryat.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK, 
 
 THB ELECTRIC TELEGRAPH IN ENGLAND. 
 
 In England the eleciric telegraphs are in 
 the hands of a private company, which has 
 a practical monopoly of them ; and, as is in- 
 variably the case with all monopolies, com- 
 plaints and remonstrances, vvc;ll or ill founded, 
 are constantly brought against the establish- 
 ment. 
 
 A central station is established in London, 
 in Lothburj', near the Bank of England. 
 The lower part of the building is appro- 
 priated to the reception of orders and mes- 
 sages. A person desiring to forward a mes- 
 sage to any part of England connected with 
 London by the wires, writes his message on a 
 sheet of letter-paper, provided for the pur- 
 pose, and prepared according to a printed 
 form, having the names and address of the 
 writer, and of the party to whom the mes- 
 saf;e is communicated, in blank spaces as- 
 signed to them, together with the date and 
 hiiur at which the message is despatched. 
 The answer is received, accompanied by the 
 date and hour at which the message ar- 
 rived, and at •which the answer was de- 
 spatched. 
 
 The tariff of charges for transmission of 
 telegraphic niessages differs very much, ac- 
 cording to the destination of the message, 
 and is not strictly regulated by distance. 
 The charge, for example, from London to 
 Dover, is, or was lately, about 6d. a word ; 
 while the charge between Birmingham and 
 Stafford, a greater distance, was something 
 less than 4d. a word. The charge between 
 London and York is 54d. per word, between 
 London and Edinburgh 7-8d. per word, and 
 between London and Glasgow 8 4d. per word. 
 
 The room containing the telegraphic in- 
 struments is in the upper part of the build- 
 ing, to which communications by wires aie 
 made from a cellar in the lower part, where 
 the galvanic apparatus is deposited. This 
 apparatus consists of a collection of galvanic 
 batteries, having different powers, to be used 
 according to the distance to which the mes- 
 sage is to be transmitted. The wires which 
 communicate between this establishment and 
 the termini of the several railways are in- 
 closed in leaden pipes, which are carried 
 under the streets. There they are connected 
 with the wires supported on poles, with which 
 every railway traveller is familiar, and by 
 which the communication is maintained with 
 different parts of the country. 
 
 It is found that by practice the operators 
 of the telegraphic instruments are able to 
 communicate about twenty words per minute, 
 being nearly at the same rate as ordinary 
 writing. 
 
 In the chiff telegraphic stations in dif- 
 fierent parts of the country, besides the trans- 
 mission of private messages, a sort of sub- 
 scription intelligence-rooms have been 
 opened, where the subscribers can daily and 
 hourly obtain in common the general com- 
 mercial information which is most in re- 
 quest ; such as the state of the stock and 
 Bhare market, and of the money market ; the 
 
 state of the wind and weather at different 
 ports of the kingdom ; shipping and sport- 
 ing intelligence; the rates of the markets of 
 every description ; and the general political 
 news of most importance. These subscrip- 
 tion-rooms are supplied by the establishment 
 in London, at which a sort of telegraphic 
 editor prepares from the morning papers at 
 an early hour a short abstract of the most 
 important news— the stock market, &c 
 
 This, when prepared and written out, is 
 sent up to the instrument room, from whence 
 it is despatched to the various subscription- 
 rooms in different parts of the country. It 
 arrives there by eight o'clock in the morning, 
 and is immediately accessible to the sub- 
 scribers. All news of adequate importance 
 is thus diffused over the kingdom literally 
 with the speed of lightning. Thus the pub- 
 lic in Edinburgh are informed by eight 
 o'clock in the morning of all interesting 
 facts which appear in the London morning " 
 journals, which are not issued in the metro- 
 polis until six o'clock. 
 
 The provincial journals also profit by these 
 means of obtaining intelligence, and are en- 
 abled to supply in their columns all im- 
 portant news as early as it can be supplied 
 by the London journals. 
 
 Whatever be the nature of signal used, 
 the wires which convey the electric current 
 over the country may be constructed in either 
 of two ways : the one, by being supported on 
 poles, as is usual in this country ; the other, by 
 being sunk under ground, like gas or water- 
 pipes. The lattermethod has some advantage 
 in securit}', being less liable to be distiirbed by 
 ill-disposed persons or by accident. It has 
 been foimd that the flight of birds has some- 
 times accidentally broken the commimica- 
 tion, the birds striking the wire, and breaking 
 or deranging it; violent storms also have 
 occasionally blown down the posts and broken 
 the wires. — From Dr. Larduer's valuable 
 Railway Economy. 
 
 TAKING WINE. 
 
 The difficulty of getting a glass of wine in V 
 the regular waj' has exeicised the ingenuity 
 of mankind. Mr. Theodore Hook was once 
 observed, during dinner at Hatfield House, 
 nodding like a Chinese mandarin in a tea- 
 shop. On being asked the reason, he re- 
 plied, "Why, Lady Salisbury, when no one 
 else asks me to take champagne, I take sheny 
 with the epergne, and bo^v to the flowers." 
 
 LORD Byron's plum- pudding. 
 A plum- pudding is hardly ever boiled V" 
 enough ; a fault which reminds one of a 
 predicament in which Lord Byron once found 
 himself in Italy. He had made up his mind 
 to have a plum-pudding on his birthday, and 
 busied himself a whole morning in giving 
 minute directions to prevent the chance of 
 a mishap ; yet, after all the pains he had 
 taken, and the anxiety he must have under- 
 gone, the pudding appeared in a tureen, and 
 of about the consistency of soup.
 
 EAILWAY ANECDOTE EOOK. 
 
 25 
 
 OMKLETTK AVD LONGKVITY. 
 
 Dr. Hutiler, in his " Cuiiiid," gives the re- 
 cipe for an omelette, the invention of a ladv, 
 who liad it regularly served at her talile 
 three days in the week, and who died at the 
 age of ninety-seven, with a piece of it in her 
 mouth. The doctor adds, that, in conse- 
 quence of this accidental longevity, eggs 
 rose ninety per cent, in the small town of 
 Wells, in Norih America, where the old lady 
 was born and died ! 
 
 PREACHING TO THE POOR. 
 
 A woman in humble life was asked one 
 day, on her wa}' back from church, whether 
 she had understood the sermon, a stranger 
 having preached " Wud I hae the pre- 
 sumption ! " was her simple and contented 
 answer. 
 
 " Well. Master Jackson," said his minister, 
 walking homeward after service with an in- 
 dustrious labourer, who was a constant at- 
 tendant ; " Will, Master Jackson, Sunday 
 must be a blessed day of rest for you, who 
 work so hard all the week ! And you make 
 a good use of ihe day ; for j'ou are always to 
 be seen at church ! " " Ay, sir," replied 
 Jackson ; " it is, indeed, a blessed day: I 
 works hard enough all the week; and then 
 I comes to churc.i o' Sundays, and sets me 
 down, and lays my legs up, and thinks o' no- 
 thing." 
 
 A CLINCHER. 
 
 Everyone remembers tlu; marvellous storj' 
 of Sir James Thornhill stepping back to see 
 the effect of his painting in Greenwich Hos- 
 pital, and being prevented falling from the 
 ceiling to the floor b^' a person defacing his 
 work, and causing the painter to rush for- 
 ward, and thus save himself. This may have 
 occurred: but we rather suspect the anecdote 
 to be of legendar}' origin, and to come from 
 no less a di.~tance than the Tyrol ; in short, 
 to be a paraphrase of a Catholic miracle, un- 
 less the 'lyrolese are quizzing the English 
 story, which is not very probable. At Inn- 
 spruek, you are gravely told th it when 
 l)anii 1 Asam was painting the inside of the 
 cupola of (ine of the churches, and he had 
 jusi fiiiir-hed the handof St. James, he stepped 
 back on the scaffold, to ascertain the effect. 
 There was no friend at hand gifted with the 
 presence of mind, which, by defacing the 
 work, would have saved the artist, as in Sir 
 James Thomhill's case, and, therefore, 
 Daniel Asam /eW backward; but, to the as- 
 tonishment of the awe-struck beholders, who 
 were looking up from beneath, the hand and 
 arm of the Saint, which the artist had just 
 finished, was seen to extend itself from the 
 fresco, and, grasping the fortunate Asam by 
 the arm, accompany him in his descent of 
 200 feet, and bear him up so gently, that he 
 reached the ground without the slightest 
 shock! What became of the "awe-stiuck 
 beholders," and why the saint and painter 
 did nut fall on their heads, or why they did 
 not serve as an easel in bringing the pair 
 miraculously to the ground, we are not told. 
 
 rP.OPKR I-ORTITNE. 
 
 Mr. Wellesley Pole used to say that it was 
 impossible to live like a gentleman in Eng- 
 land under £40,000 a year ; and Mr. Brum- 
 niell told a lady how much she ought to allow 
 her son for dress — that it might be done for 
 £800 a year, with strict economy. 
 
 IMPERIAL TOKAT. 
 
 When the Emperor of Austria wished to 
 make a present of some Tokay wine, in re- 
 turn for a pure breed of horses which had 
 been sent to him by the ex- Ring of Holland, 
 the stock in the imperial Royal cellars was 
 not deemed sufficiently old for the purpose, 
 and 2000 bottles of old Tokay were, there- 
 fore, procured from Cracau, at Ihe extrava- 
 gant price of seven ducats, or £3 .is. 4d. the 
 bottle ; or, for the whole present, £6533 6s. 8d. I 
 
 ASTROLOGER OUTWITTED. 
 
 Heggiiges, an Arab general, under the 
 Caliph Valid, consulted, in his last illness, an 
 astrologer, who predicted to him his approach- 
 ing death. "I rely so completely on your 
 knowledge," replied Heggiages to iiim, '■ that 
 I wish to have you with ine in the other 
 world ; and I shall, therefore, send you 
 thither before me, in order that 1 may be 
 able to employ your services from the time 
 of my arrival;" and he ordered the head 
 of the astrologer to be struck off, although 
 the time fixed by the piauets had not yet 
 arrived. 
 
 DINNER IN^'ITATION.S. 
 
 Lord Chancellor Erskine would sit upon 
 the bench, and, having sketched a turtle upon 
 a card, with a certain day and hour, would 
 pass it to a friend in court as a dinner invi- 
 tation. 
 
 A Citj' lawj-er is related to have crried 
 in his pocket written cards, as follows : 
 — "Turbot and lobster-sauce, sir, at si.^c; 
 shall be happy in having your company;" 
 which invitation he handed about very 
 liberally to friends' friends, &c. He lived 
 like a prince in the country; the usual 
 amount of his maltster's bill was £700 ; and 
 once he malted the produce of twenty acres 
 of barley of his own growing ; but the bill 
 was not £10 less for that. 
 
 CATCHING CRABS. 
 
 The foxes at the North Cape are so sharp 
 set as to outdo all others of their kind in 
 cunning. Dr. Henderson assures us that 
 having decided, by a mock fight, which is 
 the strongest fox, they advance to the brink 
 of a precipice, and, taking each other by the 
 tail, the weakest descends first, whilst the 
 strongest forms the last in the rov/, and 
 suspends the whole number till the fore- 
 most has seized the crab on the beach. A 
 signal is then given, on which the upper- 
 most fox pulls with all his might, and the 
 rest assist him ! This story must be bor- 
 rowed from the joke of the Irisliinen letting 
 each other down from London-bridge tocatcb 
 the silver in tlie Thames.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK 
 
 DILATOKY mCJJNATIONS. 
 
 Sir Robert Peel, speaking of Lord Eldon, 
 remarked, that 
 
 *' Even his failings lean'd to virtue's side ;" 
 
 upon which a gentleman observed, that his 
 Lordship's failings resembled the leaning 
 tower of Pisa, which, in spite of its long 
 inclination, had never yet gone over ! 
 
 ' A WIG KIOT. 
 
 lu the yeax' 176-1, when wigs went out of 
 fashion, the wig-makers oi Loudon were 
 thrown out of work, and reduced to distress. 
 They then petitioned Geor^je III. to cumpel 
 gentlemen to wear wigs by law, for the bene- 
 fit of their trade. As the wig-makers went 
 in procession to St. James's to present their 
 petition, it was noticed that most of those 
 persons, who wanted to compel other people 
 to wear wigs, wore no wigs themselves ; 
 and this striking the London mob as very 
 inconsistent, they seized the petitioners and 
 cut otf all their hair yar force. Upon thi.i 
 Horace VValpole observed, " Should one 
 wonder if carpenters were to remonstrate, 
 that since the peace their trade decays, and 
 that there is no demand for wooden legs?" 
 
 SUCCKSSFUIi TACT. 
 
 The elevation of Mr. Labouchere, now a 
 member of the British Cabinet, is rather a 
 smgular story. Jn 1822, flir. Labouchere, 
 a clerk in the banking-house of Hope, of 
 Amsterdam, was sent by his patrons to Mr. 
 Baring, the celebrated London banker, to 
 negotiate a loan. He displayed in the affair 
 so much ability as to entirely win the es- 
 teem and confidence of the English banker. 
 
 " Faith," said he one day to Baring, 
 " your daughter is a charming creature : I 
 wish I could persuade you to give me her 
 hand." 
 
 " Yoiing man, you are jokmg ; for se- 
 riously you must allow that Miss Baring 
 could j^ever become the wife of a simple 
 clerk." 
 
 " But," said Labouchere, " if I were in part- 
 nership with Mr. Hope?" 
 
 "Oh! that would be quite a different 
 thing ; that would entirely make up for all 
 other deficiencies." 
 
 lieturned to Amsterdam, Lxbouchere said 
 to his patron, " You must take me into part- 
 nershi[)." 
 
 " My young friend, how can j'ou think of 
 such a thing ? It is impossible. You are 
 without fortune, and" 
 
 " But if I became the son-in-law of Mr. 
 Baring?" 
 
 "In that case the affair would be soon 
 settled, and so you have my word." 
 
 Fortified with these two promises, La- 
 bouchere returned to England, and in two 
 months after married Miss Baring, because 
 Mr. Hope had promised to take him into 
 partnership ; and he became allied to the 
 house of Hope on the strength of that pro- 
 mise of marriage. 
 
 SNUFF- TAKING. 
 
 Louis XIV. was a bitter discourager of 
 snuff- taking. His valets were obliged to re- 
 nounce it when they were appointed to their 
 office ; and the Duke of Harcourt is sup- 
 posed to have died of apoplexy, in conse- 
 quence of having, to please Louis, left off at 
 once a habit which he had carried to excess. 
 
 MISTAKES ABOUT COFFEE. 
 
 Laugh at the doctors who tell you that 
 hot coffee irritates the stomach and injures 
 the nei-ves. Tell them that Voltaire, Fonte- 
 nelle, and Fourcroy, who were great coffee- 
 drinkers, lived to a good old age. Laugh, 
 too, at Madame Sc'vigne', who foretold that 
 coffee and Racine would be forgotten U)- 
 gether. 
 
 .STRIKING REPROOF. 
 
 It being reported that Lady Caroline Lamb '^ 
 had, in a moment of passiun, knocked down 
 one of her pages with a stool, the poet 
 Moore, to whom this was told by Lord ' 
 Stiaijgford, observed : " Oh ! nothing is more 
 natural for a literary lady than to double 
 down a page." " I would rather," replied 
 his Lordship, " advise Lady Caroline to turn 
 over a new leaf." 
 
 UNFORTUNATE COMPARISON. 
 
 Lord Chief Justice Kenyon was conspicu- 
 ous for economy in every article of his dress. 
 Once, in the case of an action brought for the 
 non- fulfilment of a contract, on a large scale, 
 lor shoes, the question mainh' was, whether 
 or not they were well and .soundly made, and 
 with the best materials. A number of wit- 
 nesses were called; one of v/hom, being 
 closely questioned returned contradictory 
 answers ; when tbe Chief Justice observed, 
 pomting to his own shoi-s, which were regu- 
 larly bestridden by the broad silver buckle 
 of the day — " Were the shoes anything like 
 these?" "No, my Lord," replied the wit- 
 ness ; " they were a great deal better, and 
 more genteeler." The Court was convulsed 
 ■with laughter, in which the Chief Justice 
 heartily joined. 
 
 CHOPS AJTD CUCITMBERS. 
 
 One day an epicure, entering the Bedford 
 Coffee-house, in Covent-garden, inquired, 
 '• What have you for dinner, John ?'' " An_y- 
 thing you please, sir," replied the waiter. 
 "Oh, but what vegetables?" The legunifa 
 in season were named ; when the customer, 
 having ordered two lamb chops, said, " John, 
 have you any cucumbers?" "No, sir, we 
 have none yet, 'tis so very early in the sea- 
 son ; but, if you please, 1 will step into the 
 market and inquire if there are any." The 
 waiter did so, and returned; " Why, sir, 
 there are a few, but thej- are half a guinea 
 apiece." " Half a guinea apiece ! arc they 
 small or large?" " Why, sir, they are rather 
 small." " Ihen buy two." This anecdote 
 has been related of various epicures ; it oc- 
 cm-red to Charles, Duke of Norfolk, who died 
 in 181.').
 
 EAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 27 
 
 THE LETTEE H. 
 
 In a dispute, whpther H was really a letter 
 or a simple aspiration, Rowland Hill con- 
 tended that it was the former ; adding that, 
 if it were not a letter, it must have been a 
 very serious aflair to him, by maliing him ill 
 {Hill without H) all the days of his life. 
 
 GOOSEBERRY CHAJIPAG^'K. 
 
 Champagne made from gooseberries has 
 often been mistiken by reputed good judges 
 for champagne tioni grapes. Exempli yratiu : 
 Lord Iladiiiugton, a lirst-rate juc'ge of wine.s, 
 had a bottle of moi-k and a bottle of real 
 champagne set before him, and being re- 
 quested to distinguish them, he mistook the 
 product of the gooseberry for the genuine 
 article. 
 
 CAKVIXG ACCIDENT. 
 
 ^ An accomplished gentleman, when carving 
 a tough goose, had the misfortune to send it 
 entirely out of the dish, and into the lap of 
 the lady next to him ; on which he very 
 coolly looked her full in the face, and wilh 
 
 J admirable gravity and calmness, said, " Ma- 
 dam, I will thank you for tliat goose." In a 
 
 I case like this, a person must necessarily 
 Eufler so much, ar.d be such an oliject of 
 compassion to the companj', that the kindest 
 tiling he could do was to appear as unmoved 
 as pos-ible. The manner of bearing such a 
 mortifying accident gained him more credit 
 thau he lost by his awkward carving. 
 
 STOLEN BANK-NOTES. 
 
 The traditions of the Bank of England 
 present rackings of human cunning, all 
 which a little honestj' might have saved. 
 Such are the stories of stolen notes. For ex- 
 ample, a Jev/- having purchased twenty 
 thousand pounds' worth of notes of a felon 
 banker's- clerk, the Jew, in six months, pre- 
 sented them at the Bank, and demanded 
 payment; this was refused, as the bills had 
 been stolen. The Jew, who was a wealthy 
 and energetic man, then deliberately went to 
 the Exchange, and asserted publicly that 
 the Bank had refused to honour their ow^n 
 bills for X'iOjOllO ; that their credit was gone ; 
 their affairs in confusion ; that they had 
 stopped payment. The E.^change wore every 
 appearance of alarm ; the Hebrew showed 
 the notes to corrobtrate his assertion ; he 
 declared they had been remitted to him from 
 Holland: his statement was believed. He 
 then declared he would advertise the refusal 
 of the Bank ; information re icheJ the di- 
 rectors, and a messenger was sent to inlorm 
 the holder that he might receive the cash in 
 exchange for the notes. The fact is, the 
 law could not hinder the holder of the notes 
 from interpreting tlie rtfusal that was made 
 of paymsni as he pleased — for instance, as a 
 pretext to gain time,and belief in this would 
 have createu ^rreat alarm ; all which the di- 
 rectors foresaw — though this was at an early 
 period, when the reputation of the coujpany 
 was not so lirmly establiahed as at the pie- 
 sent time. 
 
 WKITING TKKASON. 
 
 Home Tooke, on being asked by a foreigner 
 of distinction how much tr<a,-an an English- 
 man might venture to write without being 
 hanged, replied, that " he could not inform 
 him just yet, but that he was trying." 
 
 LIQUEURS. 
 
 The liqueur parfuit amour, notwithstand- 
 ing the attraction of its name, is i.o longer 
 in repute v. ith the ladies: they have adopted 
 Maraschinj),in its place Once upon a time, 
 whenacertain eminent diplomatist was 
 asked by his voisine at a petit-souj^a- lor a 
 female toast to parallel with the masculine 
 one of " Women and Wine," his Excellency 
 ventured to suggest " J/cra and Maras- 
 chino" and the suggestion received the com- 
 pliment of very general applause. 
 
 LiVST KOUKS OF THE POET CA3IPBELL. 
 
 Oa the 6th of June, 1844, Campbell was 
 able to converse freely ; but his strength had 
 become reduced, and on being assisted to 
 change his posture, he tell back in the bed 
 insensible. Conversation was carried on in 
 the room in whispers; and Campbell uttered 
 a few sentences so uncoimected, that his 
 friends weie doubtful whether he was con- 
 scious or not of what vkiis going on in his 
 presence, and had recoui-se to an artifice to 
 learn. One of them spoke of the poem of 
 " Hohenlinden," and, prtttnding to forget 
 the author's name, said he had heard it was 
 by a Mr. Robinson, (.'ampbell saw the trick, 
 was amused, and said tjlayfully, in a calm 
 but distinct tone, "Ko; it was one Tom 
 Campbell." The poet had — as far as a jwet 
 can — become for years indilerent to posthu- 
 mous tame. In 1838, live years before this 
 time, he had been speaking to some friends 
 iu Edinburgh on the subject. " When I 
 think of tue existence whicb shall commence 
 when the st'iie is laid above m^- head, how 
 can literary fame appear to me — to any one 
 — but as nothing? I believe, when I am 
 gone, justice will be done to me in this way 
 — that I was a pure writer. It is an inex- 
 pressible comfort, at my time of life, to be 
 able to look ba:k and feel that I havi>. not 
 written oue lir.e agauist religion or virtue." 
 Religious feeling wa.'., as the closing scene 
 approached, more disiini tly expressed. A 
 friend was thinking of liie Ijues in " The 
 Lust .Man," when he bearj with delight the 
 dying man express his belief " in life and 
 immortality brought to light by the L-aviour." 
 To his nieoe he said, " Come, let us sing 
 praises to Christ;' then, pointing to the 
 bedside, he added, " Sit bere." " Shall I 
 pray for you ?" she s:dd. " Oh, yes," he re- 
 plied ; " let us pray for each other." Tho 
 Liturgy of the Church of England was read : 
 he expressed himself " soothed — comforted." 
 The nextday, at a moment when he appeared 
 to be slee()ing htavily, his lips suddenly 
 moveii, aiui be said, " IVe sImJl see * * to- 
 morrow," namiug a long-departed friend. On 
 the next day he expired without a struggle.
 
 28 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 NATIONAT. VANITY. 
 
 A Frencliman mistook the letters S. M. B. 
 (St. Mary la Bonne) upon the lamp-posts in 
 the Regent's-park fur Sa Majest^ Britan- 
 niqiie; observing, "How proud we ought to 
 feel at this additional proof of the universal 
 adoption of our most civilised language 1" 
 
 THE EPICURES TRICKED. 
 
 A roasted turbot v/a^ the boast of a party 
 of conudisseure, who dined at Friceur's, in 
 183G ; but a gentleman had the curiosity to 
 ask M. Friceur in what manner he set about 
 dre-sing the fish. '• Why, sare, you no tell 
 Monsieur le Docteur Somerville (one of the 
 epicurean guests) ; we no roast him at all, 
 we put him in oven and bake him." 
 
 EFFECTS OF DRUNKENTfESS. 
 
 In Februarj% 1847, the coachman of the 
 Marquis of Hastings was directed to drive a 
 gentleman from his Lordship's residence at 
 Mf Iton-Constable to the railway terminus 
 at Norwich, a distance of about twentj' miles. 
 He arrived at Norwich perfectly safe, and 
 the gentleman proreeded by the next train to 
 L-inilon. The coachman, having no one to 
 drive back, instead of staying at Norwich all 
 night with his carriage and horses, deter- 
 mined to go that night as far as Lenwade, 
 midway between Melton and Norwich, where 
 his wife and family lived. Unfortunately for 
 him, he did not keep himself sober in Nor- 
 wich, and started in a somewhat questionable 
 state about eleven o'clock at night. At ab(iut 
 five miles on the road, he appears to have 
 fallen asleep, and the hurses turned into a by- 
 lane, which ultimately led into a field. Here 
 they seem to have wandered about, with the 
 coachman sleeping on the box, the track of 
 the wheels the next morning showing that 
 the carriage, on one occasion, passed within 
 a few inches of the edge of a deep marl-pit, 
 into which it seemed almost miraculous that 
 they did not all fall. However, they found 
 their way lut of the field again, the coach- 
 man probably awaking. Thence they took 
 a direction for Ringland, and attempted to 
 ford a wide watering of the Wensum ; but the 
 immensely flooded state of the lowlands had 
 given a great impetuosity to the stream, and 
 they were carried away bj' it. The coach • 
 man, on awaking, about four o'clock in the 
 morning, found himself in the midst of these 
 extensive waters — both the horses drowned, 
 and the carriage severed, the fore from the 
 hind wheels. He was dreadfully frightened ; 
 his ."^creams brought up in a short time some 
 of the watch from the game preserves, who 
 rendered all the assistance they could. In the 
 course of the morning the horses were got 
 out, and the carriage also. The coachman 
 was now in the greatest distress, and would 
 probably have done himself some mischief, 
 but for the police, who strictly guarded him. 
 He was taken to Lenwade, and thence driven 
 home to Melton, to tell his sad tale. The 
 horses are stated to have been worth 300 
 guineas. 
 
 THE INVEKTOR OF THE JACQUAED LOOM, .A^ 
 
 Jacquard was a straw-manufacturer in the 
 city of Lyons ; he was a poor man, and he had 
 received little instruction. During the war 
 with England there was an article appeared 
 in the French Moidteur, which stated that a 
 person in England had offered a large sum of 
 money tc any man who could produce a ma- 
 chine by which a net could be made. This 
 set him to work, and he did get over the 
 great difficulty of producing a machine by 
 which a knot could be tied. The thing was 
 forgotten, till, bj' some accident, this net was 
 given to the great Emperor Napoleon ; and 
 he was fold that a poor man on the banks of 
 the Rhone had solved a verj- great and diffi- 
 cult problem. Jacquard, in great poverty, 
 one day, and scarcely knowing how to exist, 
 was surprised by the visit of a sergeant oi 
 gens darmes, who knocked at the door. He 
 came down stairs, and the sergeant said, '■ I 
 have orders to take j'ou to Paris." He said, 
 "Who has sent for me at Paris?" He was 
 told, " Why, j-ou will hear that when you get 
 there. There is a carriage waiting for j'ou." 
 He said, " I must send for my wife, and make 
 preparation." But the .sergeant said, "No; 
 you must go as you are." And he was taken 
 to the Palace of the Tuileries, and instantly 
 introduced to two persons — no less distin- 
 guished than Napoleon Bonaparte and his 
 great Minister Carnot. Napoleon slid, 
 " They tell me you say you can tie a knot in 
 a straight string (for that is the art of knit- 
 ting) by a piece of machinery ; I don't be- 
 lieve you." He continued, " Now, in order 
 to try you, I will have you locked up in an 
 apartment, and supplied with materials upon 
 which to work, and everything you require 
 to make your machme." Well, Jacquard set 
 to work so locked up, and cons'ructed a ma- 
 chine ; was covered with honour, continued to 
 direct his attention to mechanical art, and 
 afterwards produced that machine which 
 bears his name, and which, b}' merely ihi ow- 
 ing the shuttle across the warp, produces the 
 most beautiful patterns. These machines 
 produced a revolution in French manufac- 
 ture; thrice the people of the city of Lyons 
 rose upon Jacquard ; twice they attempted to 
 drown him in the Rhone. He withdrew 
 himself from the world for many years, still 
 atttmpting to be the benefactor of his native 
 land. Opinion changed, however, and before 
 he died he was the recipient of a liberal pen- ■■ 
 
 sion, not only from tLe city of Lyons, but 
 from the French Government. He died upon 
 the property which was conveyed to him, the 
 grateful gift of the people he had honoured 
 and elevated ; and when he was carried to his 
 tomb, the city of Lyons declared that his por- 
 trait should be painted and hung in the School 
 of Arts. 
 
 THE DE.^D ALrVE. 
 
 A celebrated character one ^ay met a man 
 in the streets crying about Lis death, when he 
 gave the fellow a tremendous box on the ear, 
 adding, " Take that, and if I am dead, you 
 will, at least, believe in ghosts."
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 29 
 
 KITCHINER AND COLMAN. 
 
 ■^/^ The most ctlebrated wits and bon vivaiis 
 <)f the day graced the dinner-table of the 
 late l>r. Kitchiner, and, inter idia, the late 
 George Coiman, who was an especial fa- 
 vouriti^: his interpolation of a little mono- 
 syllable in a written admonition which the 
 Doctor caus^d to be placed on the manttl- 
 piece of the dining parlour will never be for- 
 gotten, and WiiS the origin of such a drinking 
 bout as was seldom permitted under his roof. 
 The caution ran thus : " Come at seven, go 
 .it eleven." Caiman briefly altered the sense 
 . of it; for, I'.pop. the Doctor's attention being 
 I dirr'Cteit to the card, he read, to his abt"nish- 
 \ m6nt, " Come at seven, go it at eleven !"' 
 \ which the gu sts did, and the claret was 
 puuisLed accord. nglj-. 
 
 LIFE IXSURANCE. 
 
 Walpole relates the following odd story: — 
 If a man in.^ures his life, killing himself va- 
 cates the bargain. This (as in England 
 almost everything begets a contradiction) 
 has pro:iu(ed an ofBce for injuring in spite 
 of self-murder; but not beyond three hun- 
 dred pountl.s. I suppose voluntary deaths 
 wtre not thui the boa ton of people in higher 
 life. A man went and insured hs life, se- 
 curing this privilege oi a frte-di/iiig English- 
 man. He carried the insurers to dine at a 
 tavf rn, where they met several other persons. 
 After dinner he said to the life-and-deatli 
 brokers," Gentle-men, it is fit that }ou should be 
 acquainted with the company : these honest 
 men are tradesmen, to whom'l was iiid. bttd, 
 without any means of paying but by your 
 .assistance, iiiid now 1 am your humble ser- 
 vant." He pulled out a pistol and shot 
 himsuif. 
 
 LUCKY SIR ROBERT STRANGE. 
 
 ^ Robert Strange w;is a North Briton, who 
 
 served his time to an engravsr, and was a 
 soldier in the rebel army of 174.5. It so hap- 
 pened, when Duke William put thtm to 
 fiighr, that Strange, finding a coor open, 
 miide his way into the house, ascended the 
 iirst floor, and entered a room where a young 
 lady was seated at needlework, and singing. 
 Young Strange implored her protection. 
 The lady, without rising or being in the 
 least disconcerted, desired him to get under 
 her hoop. He immediately stooped, and the 
 amialile woman covered "him up. Shortly 
 after this, tlie hoisewas searched. The lady 
 coniiiiued <it her work, singing as before ; the 
 soldiers, upon entering the room, considering 
 Mis3 Lun.sdale alone, respectfully retired. 
 Robert, as soon as the search was over, being 
 released from his concealment, kissed the 
 hand of his protectress; at which nioment, 
 for the first time, he found himself in love, 
 lie married the lady, and no persons, beset 
 as they were with" early difficulties, lived 
 more happily. Strange afterwards became a 
 loyal man, though <or a long time he sighed 
 to be pardoned by his Kmg, who, however, 
 was i)leased to be reconciled to him, and 
 afterwards knighted him. 
 
 KAPOLEON AND FOt/CHF. 
 
 Napoleon sent tor Fouche one day, in a 
 great rage, told him that he was a tool, was 
 not fit to be at tht: head of the police, and 
 was quite ignorant of what was p.-xssing. 
 "Pardon me, sire," said Fouche; ''I know 
 that your Majesty baa my di.-missal ready 
 signed in your pocket," Napoleon changed 
 his mind, and kept his Ministtr. 
 
 PIERCING PROOF. 
 
 A Jew once presented himself to the Duke 
 Albrecht of Saxony, and offered him a charm 
 (Knopf) engraved with rare signs and cha- 
 racters, which should render him invulner- 
 able. The Duke, determined to try it, had 
 the Jew led out into a field, with his charm 
 bani;ing round his neck ; he then drew his 
 sword, and at the first thrust ran the Jew 
 through ! 
 
 A PUN OF A DISH. 
 
 It was suggested to a distinguished gourmet 
 what a caiiital thing a dish all tins (turbot's 
 fins) might be made. "Capital," said he, 
 "dine on it with me to-morrow." "Ac- 
 cepted." Would you believe h? when the 
 cover was removed, the sacrilegious dog of 
 an Amphytrion bad put int) the dish, 
 " Cicero, De Jinibus." '• There is a wirk all 
 fins," said he. 
 
 FL.MN PEOPLE. 
 
 Plain men, nay, even ugly little fellows, 'X 
 have met with tolerable success among the 
 fair. Wilkes's chfjilcr ge t'l Lord Towiishend 
 is well known : " Your Lordship is one of the 
 hiindsomest men in the kingdom, and I am 
 one of the ugliest ; yet, give me but half an 
 hour's stcirt, and I will enter the lists against 
 j'ou w.th any woiiuin you choose to name, 
 because you will omit attentions, on a count 
 of your line exterior, which I shall doable, 
 on account of my plain one." He used to 
 say that it took him half an hour ju-t to talk 
 away bis face. He was so exceedingly u^ly. 
 that a lottery-ofiicc-keeper once offered him 
 ten guineas not to pass his window whilst 
 the tickets were drawing, for lear of his 
 bringing ill-luck upon the house. Balzac 
 says that uglines? signifies little, provideii it 
 be a lakleur intertssante. ]\Iirabeau's, for 
 example, who desired a I'emale correspondent, 
 wlio had never seen him, and was anxious to 
 form some notion of hi< face, to fancy a tiger 
 marked with the small-pjx ! 
 
 ECCENTRIC AOTOGRAPR. 
 
 Baron Garrow once ob.served at Jlonmouf h, ^ 
 that a respected friend of his, in the city of 
 Lontion, would sign his name on the out>i<lc 
 of letters in such a way us to defy the skill 
 of every man in the court, even if assisted 
 by the greater sagacity <if the other sex, in 
 finding out what his signature could possibly 
 be meant for. The post-ofiice clerks, indeed, 
 knew that a certain numlier of straight 
 strokes, up and down, meant W. Curtis; but, 
 probably, thit w.as not because they could 
 read ihe signature, but because nothing else 
 at all hke it ever came there.
 
 30 
 
 RA.1LWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 AMERICAN ODDITY. 
 
 The Americans hare stiange names for 
 their settlements. Mr. John Davis, when 
 travelling in " tlie States," met a lad in the 
 wilderness, and asked him, "How far, my 
 bo}', is it to Frying- Pan ?" The boy replied, 
 " You be in the Pan now." 
 
 TP.XJE CONSaLATION. 
 
 When Dancourt, the playwright, produced 
 a new piece, if it were unsuccessful, to con- 
 sole himself, he would sup with a few friends 
 at a tavern near tho theatre, known by the 
 sign of the Cat and Pipes. Cue morning, 
 after the rehearsal of a comedy wliich was to 
 36 performed for the first time that evening, 
 he asked one of his daughters, not ten years 
 of age, how she liked the pif ce ? " Ob, 
 papa," replied the girl, "you'll sup at the 
 Cat and Pipes to-night." 
 
 P Y TH AGORE ANS. 
 
 An amiable enthusiast, a worshipper of 
 nature after the manner of Rousseau, being 
 melted into feelings of universal philanthropy 
 by ihe softness and serenity of a spring 
 morning, resolved, that for that day, at least, 
 no injured animal should pollute his board ; 
 and having recorded his vow, he w^alked six 
 miles to a hamlet famous for fish dinners, 
 where, without an idea of breaking his .sen- 
 timental engagement, he regaled himself on 
 a small matter of crimped cod and oyster 
 sauoe. This reminds one of a harmless piece 
 of quizzing in a critic, stating, that although 
 the Pythagorean Sir Richard Phillips would 
 not eat animal food, he was addicted to gravy 
 over his potatoes. 
 
 LOST BANK OF ENGLAND NOTES. 
 
 Of lost notes there are some entertaining 
 narratives. Thus, in 1740, a BanJi director 
 lost a £30 000 Bank-note, which he was per- 
 suaded had fallen from the chimney-piece of 
 his room into the fire. The Bank directors 
 gave the loser a second bi'l, upon his agree- 
 ment to restore the first bill, should it ever 
 be found, or to p-sy the money itself, should 
 it be presented by any stranger. About 
 thirty years after this had occurred, the 
 director having been long dead, and his heirs 
 in possession of his fortune, an unknown per- 
 son presented the lost bill at the Bank, and 
 demanded payment. It was in vain that 
 they mentioned to this person the transaction 
 by which the bill was annulled ; he would 
 3©t listen to it ; he maintained that it had 
 eome to him from abroad, and insisted upon 
 immediate payment. The note was payable 
 to bearer ; and the thirty thousand pounds 
 were paid him. The heirs of the director 
 would not listen to any demands of restitu- 
 tion, and the Bank was obliged to sustain the 
 loss. It was discovered afterwards that an 
 architect hav.ng purchased the director's. 
 House, had taken it down, in order to build 
 another upon the same spot, had found the 
 note in a crevice of the chimney, and made 
 his discovery an engine for robbing the Bank. 
 
 PLEASURES OF A CROWD. 
 
 " Pray, sir," said a p»rson who had pre- 
 viously been the backmost of a crowd, to ^ 
 another who had just joined it; "pray, sir, 
 have the kindness not to press upon me ; it 
 is unnecessar}', since there is no one behind 
 to press upon you !" " But there may be 
 presently," said the other ; " besides, sir, 
 Where's the good of being in a crowd, if one 
 mayn't shove?" 
 
 LENGTH OF THE LAW. 
 
 Some faint idea of the bulk of the English 
 records may be obtained by adverting to the 
 fact, that a single statute, the Land Tax Com- 
 missioners' Act, p'issed in the fii-st year of the 
 reign of George IV., measures, when unrolled, 
 upwards of 900 fe^t, or nearly twice the 
 length of St. Paul's Cathedral, within the 
 doors ; and if ever it should become necessary 
 to consult the fearful volume, an able-bodied 
 man must be employed during three hours in | 
 coiling and uncoiling its monstrous folds! 
 
 " there's a language that's MUTE." 
 
 A gentleman, one Sunday morning, was 
 attracted to watch a young countrj' girl on 
 the high-i oad from the village to the church, 
 by obsarving that she looked hither and 
 thither, this way and that, upon the road, :is 
 if she bad lost her thimble. The bells were 
 RetUing for prayers, and there was no one 
 ^^sible on the road excep^ the girl and the 
 gentleman, who recognised in her the errand- 
 maid of a neighbouring farmer. " What are 
 you looking for, my girl?" asked the gentle- 
 man, as the damsel c^iiitinued to pore along 
 the dusty road. She answered, gravely : 
 "Sir, I'm looking to see if my master 1 egnne 
 to church." Novi^ her master had a wooden kg. 
 
 THE FHIST FORGED B.4NK OP ENGLAND 
 NOTE 
 
 The day on which a forged note was pre- >^ 
 sented at the Bank of England fonns a me- 
 morable era in its history. For sixty-four 
 years the establishment had circulated its 
 paper with freedom ; and, during this period, 
 no attempt had been made to imitate it. He 
 who takes the initial ive in a new line of 
 wrongdoing, has more than the simple act to 
 answer for ; and to Richard William Vaughan, 
 a Stafford linendraper, belongs the mekn- 
 chol}' celebrity of Laving led the van in this 
 new phase of crime, in the year 1758. The 
 records of his life do not show want, beggary, 
 or starvation urging him, but a simple desire 
 to seem greater than he was. B3' one of the 
 artists employed, and there were several en- 
 gaged on different parts of the notes, the dis- 
 covery was made. The criminal had filled 
 up to the number of twenty, and deposited 
 them in the hands of a young lady to whom 
 he was attached, as a proof of his wealth. 
 There is no calculating how much longer 
 Bank-notes might have been free from imi- 
 tation, had this man not shown with what 
 ease they might be counterfeited. From this 
 period forged notes became common.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 ol 
 
 SIR WALTER SCOTT AND CONSTABLE. 
 
 Scott is known to have profited much by 
 Constable's bibliographical knowledge, which 
 was very extensive. The latter christened 
 " Kenil worth," which Scott named " Cum- 
 nor Hall." John Ballantyne objected to the 
 former title, and told Constable the result 
 would be " something worthy of the kennel ;" 
 but the result proved the reverse. Mr. Ca- 
 dell relates that Constable's vanity lx)iled 
 over so much at this time, on having his sug- 
 gestions gone into, that, in his high moods, 
 he used t« stalk up and down his room, and 
 exclaim, " By Jove, I am all but the author 
 of the Waverley Novels !" 
 
 liORD CASTLEREAGH AND THE IRISH 
 LABOURER. 
 
 Upon a certain occasion, as Lord Castle- 
 reagh was passing slowly and thoughtfully 
 from iin inter-snew with King Greorge IV. at 
 Carlton House, to his own residence in St. 
 James's-square, he was met by an Irish la- 
 bourer, who, with his hod reversed, seemed 
 as if prepared to attend the funeral of his 
 own hopes. " Long life to your honor !" 
 said Pat, in a peculiarly melancholy tone. 
 Lord C. raised his eye. Pat took off his 
 apology for a hat, made bis bow, and re- 
 peated, *' Musha, then, long life to your ho- 
 nor's Lordship ! " There was something 
 singular in the man's appsarance and address ; 
 and Lord Ca'tlereagh, half- hesitating, half- 
 advancing, fixed his eyes upon him with a 
 kindlmess of look which induced Pat to go 
 on: "God be with the days, your honor, 
 when you used to be fishing in the Lough 1" 
 " What Lough, my good fellow?" " Lough 
 Foyle, to be sure, your honor!" " Why, 
 were you ever there ?" " May be I wasn't, 
 plase your honor, when I u ed to help to 
 push 3'our honor's boat off; and when, may 
 God for ever bless you for it ! wonst (once) 
 ■when I tumbled in, neck and crop, you 
 pulled mc out by the nape of the neck. Ochl 
 faith, 1 remember it," added the poor fellow 
 ■with a smile; "and if it hadn't been for your 
 honor's Lordshin, I'd have been as dead as a 
 herring, sure enough !" " Ay, well, what's 
 your name?" "Bill Brady, to be sure." 
 " Oh, I remember something about you ; but 
 what brought you here?" " Och, like many 
 others, I came to seek my fortune, but the 
 devil a much luck 1 have had yet." " Are 
 you in employment?" "No, f.iith, I am 
 not ; but I'm promised a job next Mondaj', 
 plase God." " Well, Bill, I am always glad 
 to see my old acquaintancie, and her*! is some- 
 thing to drink succtss to olden times," hand- 
 ing poor Pat acoupleofsovere-gns. LordCas- 
 tlereagh then hastened on ; whilst Pat kept 
 his hand open, alternately looking at the so- 
 vereigns and the donor: the tear of gratitude 
 at length trickled down his lime-coloured 
 cheek, and, after a moment taken to suppress 
 the swelling of his surcharged heart, he 
 shouldered his hod, and, in a sort of ecstacy, 
 exclaimed, as he turned away, " Well, you're 
 the ould thing, after all !" 
 
 XOVEL riC:KPOCK.RT. 
 
 A gentleman who saw Wilkes's carriagi; 
 drawn by men (the horsjs being taken off), 
 complained to the Lord Mayor that he had 
 lost his handkerchief in the crowd. " Very 
 possibly," said his Lordship ; " I fancy one 
 of Wilkes's coach-horses has picked your 
 pocket." 
 
 AN ODD TRICK. 
 
 A cunning Welsh squire, a zealous diner- 
 out, had the following not unfair bait for 
 those who swallowed it : — " I have a little 
 book at home," he would say slyly, in a cor- 
 ner, to such of his friends as had venison, or 
 game, or any other good things to be eaten, 
 " and in that little btjok is your name," He 
 died, however, without making a will, at tlie 
 age of eighty-six. 
 
 SMOKING ODDITY. 
 
 A cotfee-house keeper of Vieniia hit upon 
 the following eccentric means of attracting 
 customers. He had a china pipe-bowl sus- 
 pended over a large circular table, of such 
 gigantic dimensions as to be capable of con- 
 taining a pound of tobacco, and supplied with 
 a sufficient number of tubes to accommodate 
 thirty persons at one time. The novelty 
 succeeded; the coffee-house was constantly- 
 crowded, and the landlord subsequently 
 transformed his pipe-bowl into a chariot. 
 
 THE BEST KNOCK. 
 
 Lord Erskine always directed his tiger to 
 knock at the door where he intended to call 
 with a postman's knock; his LorJship re- 
 marking, that be liad long observed servants 
 always more punctually answered knocks of 
 that kind than any other. 
 
 AJIEP.ICAN NEWSPAPERS. 
 
 Captain Marryat quotas the following 
 paragraph as a specimen of the raw miiteruU 
 of American newspapers: — "Many who 
 have acquired great tame and celebrity in 
 the world began their career as printers. 
 Sir William Blackstone, the learned English 
 commentator on laws, wis a printer by trade. 
 King Charles III. ( ! ) was a printer, and 
 not unfrequ'-ntly worked at the tr ide after 
 he had ascended the throne of England." 
 
 A VEAL DINNKil. 
 
 Theodore Hook, in hi-s " Gilbert Guniey," 
 describes an old diuner of which he pai'took 
 in the west of England. The soup was a 
 nice sort of veal bi'Oth ; at the bottom of the 
 tabic was a roast loin of venl ; at the top, 
 half a calfs head : there were four entrees — 
 rea/ patties, veal coIloi)3, calfs brains, and 
 ca!f's tongue. One of the guest.«, who hated 
 veal, apparently wiited for the second course ; 
 when the fair hostess apohgiscd: " We have 
 no second course ; the fact is, we killed a calf 
 the day before yesterday, and we ai'e such 
 prudent managers, that we make a point 
 of eating it up while it is good, and 
 nice and frcali, before we begin upon any- 
 thing else."
 
 32 
 
 EAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 WKiiUNOTorr at Waterloo. 
 V The D'lke of Wellington, (luring the 
 
 * wliolu engagement, displayed the greatest 
 ta1e<it .ind the soundest views, and set a 
 brilliant example of presence of mind, 
 couraiie, and confidence His system of tac- 
 tics was admirable, and his plans, fully car- 
 •ied out, were eminently succe-sful ; he never 
 for a moment doubtei of victory, exnressiiig 
 at aiJ times to the officers his confidence in 
 the result, founded on his knowled^ce of the 
 bravery of the British troops be commanded. 
 He had already' acquired immortality in the 
 Peninsula, by proving that the French army 
 was not invincible, and he had with liim a 
 portion of the tioops he had before led to 
 victory, who had unlimited confidence in 
 their General. " I know both my own troops 
 and I hose with whom they are to figiit," was 
 his expression. Never did a battle require 
 more s'oicfortitu'lefrom beginiiin.; totnd, for 
 the <lay frequently bore a serious and even 
 alarming a>pect ; British endurance alone 
 could have supported it. When applied to 
 for a short reliet for the remnant of the 33rd 
 Regiment, his reply was, "Everything de- 
 pends on the firm countenance and unrelaxed 
 steaiiiness of the British — they must not 
 move." All who heard him issue orders 
 took confidence from his und unied compo- 
 sure; when near a tree, the balls flymg 
 round hiin, he remarked uiihasniile, "That 
 is go. d prai-tice: 1 think they fire better 
 than tliey ilid in Spain." Wherever danger 
 was most prominent, there he was to be 
 found, expo ing himself to the hottest fiie of 
 tlie enemy with a freedom that made all 
 tremble for his life : and it is remarkable 
 that whilst his staff fell man tiy min at his 
 side, he did not nceive the slighte.<t wound, 
 lie directed every movement, and headed in 
 person several charges. He threw himself 
 into the centre of squares charged b^ ttie 
 enemy's cavalr\', encouraging the officers by 
 his directions, and cheering the nearly ex- 
 hausted men by some words of encourage- 
 ment. To tliH 9.5th, when expecting a 
 charge, he said, " Stand fast, SJoili ! we must 
 not be beaten, my friends : what will they say 
 
 . of us in England?" And to another reninient, 
 
 I' " Hard pounding this, gentlemen, but we'll 
 see who can pound longest." Every- 
 where he was enthusiaslicall}' received, but 
 with repeated cries fir permission to charge, 
 "^'ot yet, my brave fellows; be firm a little 
 longer — you shall have at them bv and by." 
 The Duke's return to Waterloo across the 
 fie'd of battle, where so many of his former 
 frietids and companions in arms lay mangled 
 and lifeless, was a period of deep emotion : 
 his feelings were overpowered, and he was 
 ob.served to shed tears. "My heart," he 
 feelingly writes, " is broken by the terrible 
 loss 1 have su-tained in my old friends and 
 companions, and my poor soldiers. Believe 
 me, nothing, excepting a battle lost, can be 
 half so melancholy as a battle won ; the 
 bravery of my troops has hitherto saved me 
 from the greater evil ; but to win such a 
 
 battle as this of Waterloo, at the expense o* 
 so many gallant friends, could only be termed 
 a heavy misfortune, but for the result to the 
 public." 
 
 TIIR FIRST LONDOX BANKER. 
 
 The celebrity of the first banking-house ^ 
 belongs, by common consent, to Mr. Francis 
 Child. This gentleman, who was the father 
 of his profession, and possessed of large pro- 
 perty, began business shoitly after the Re- 
 storation. He was or'ginally apprentice to 
 William Wheeler, goldsmith and banker, 
 whose shop was on the site of the present 
 banking-house. The foundation of his im- 
 portance arose from the good old fashion 
 of marrying his master's dau'.;hter ; and, 
 through this, he succeeded to the estate and 
 busin-sa. The latter he .subsequently confined 
 entire!}' to the banking depntment. Theprm- 
 ciples on which he founiled it, and the re- 
 markable clause in his wdl by which he 
 regulated its future conduct, are well known. 
 It has maintained to the pre.-<ent day, amid 
 all the chances ami changes of bar. king, the 
 same position, and the same respectability, 
 which he bequeathed it. 
 
 VICISSITUDES OF AltNIXG. 
 
 Humboldt relates of a Frenchman, Joseph 
 Labor le, that he went to Mexico, very poor, 
 in 1743, and acquired a Ijrge fortune in a very 
 short time. In' the mine of La Canaila. After 
 building a church rl Tasco, which cost him 
 £84,000, he wasreiluced 'othe lowest poverty, 
 by the rapid dtcline of those very mines 
 from which he had annuallv drawn from 
 130,000 to 190,000 pounds weight of silver. 
 With a sum of .£?0,000, rai.sed by selling a 
 sun of solid gold, which, in his prosperity, 
 he had presenti d to the church, and which 
 he was allowed by the Archbishop to with- 
 draw, he undertook to clear out an old mine, 
 in doing which he lost the greatest part of 
 the produce of this golden sun, and then 
 abandoned the work. With the small sum 
 remaining, he once more ventured on another 
 undertaking, which was, tor a short; time, 
 highly productive; and he left behind him, 
 at his death, a fortune of £120,000. 
 
 UN'0OLN's-rS>f DI.NNliR.S. 
 
 On the evening of the coronation- day of 
 our gracious Que^n, the Benchers of Lin- 
 coln's Inn gave the students a feed ; when a 
 certain profane wag, in giving out a verse 
 of the National Anthem, which he was ooli» 
 cited to Icid in a solo, to k that oppnrtunitj' 
 of stating a grievance as to the modicum 
 of port allowed, in manner ;uid form follow- 
 ing:— 
 
 " Happy and glorious"' — 
 1 hiee hiilf-phits 'mcng four of us, 
 Htaven send no more of us, 
 
 God save the Queen ! 
 
 which ridiculous perversion of the author'3 
 meaning was received with a full chorus, 
 amid tremendous shouts of laughter and ap- 
 plause.
 
 KAILWAY ANECDOTE BUUJi. 
 
 33 
 
 A 
 
 ROYAL OPINION. 
 
 Mr. Lambton, Lord Durham's brother, 
 dined at Buckingham Palace, and was talkinj^ 
 with Lord Melbournp, over Lord Mulgrave's 
 " private theatricals," when, the Koyal atten- 
 tion being attracted, her Majesty was pleased 
 to ask what sort of an actjr Lord Mulf^rave 
 ■was.' "Oh! very bad, very bad indeed," [ 
 ■p^as the Premier's reply. " And so I should I 
 thick," was her Majesty's gracious rejoinder, i 
 
 THKODOKE HOOK AT OXFORD. 
 
 Hook having been duly entered at Oxford, 
 he was placed under the charge of his 
 brother, and presented by him to the Vice- 
 Chancellor, Dr. Parsons, head of Baliol, 
 and afterwards Bishop of Peterborough, for 
 " matriculation." The ceremony was well 
 nigh stopped in limine, in consequence of a 
 piece of facetiousness on the part of the can- 
 didate — ill-timed, to say the least of it. On 
 being asked if he was prepared to subscribe 
 to the Thirty-nine Articles? " Oh, certainly, 
 sir," replied Theodore, "forty, if you please." 
 The horror of the Vice-Chancellor may be 
 imagined. The young Kentlf-nian was desired 
 to withdraw ; and it required all the interest 
 of his brother, who, fortunately, happened to 
 be a personal friend of Dr. Parsons, to induce 
 the latter to overlook the ofTence. The joke, 
 such as it is, was probably picked up out of 
 one of Poo'e's farces, who makes Hits. Sitnny,i/, 
 if we mistake not, say, when speaking of her 
 husband, the Doctor (intended for the unfor- 
 tunate i)r. Dodd), "He believes in «// the 
 Thirty-nine Articles ; ay, and so he would if 
 there were forty of them." 
 
 We have heard another instance of Oxford 
 impudence attributed to Hook, but not, as in 
 the preceding case, from his own lijis, nor 
 will we venture to vouch for its authenticity. 
 On the evening of his arrival at the Univer- 
 sity (says the narrator), he contrived to give 
 his brother the slip, and joined a party of old 
 school- fellows in a carouse at one of the 
 taverns. Sundry bowls of " bishop," and of 
 a popular compound yclept " egg-flip" — the 
 Cambridge men call it " silky ;" to the nondum 
 yruduali of Oxford it is known bj' a nomcn 
 accidenlala whicli we have forgotten — having 
 been discussed ; songs, amatory and baccha- 
 nalian, having been sung with full choruses ; 
 and, altogether, the jocularity havint; bi'iiun 
 to pass " the limit of becoming mirth," the 
 Proctor made his appearance ; and, advancing 
 to the table at which the " freshman" — so in 
 ever}' sense of the word — was presiding, put 
 the usual question, " Prav, sir, are you a 
 member of this University ?" " No, sir," 
 repUed Hook, rising and bowing respectfully ; 
 "pray, sir, are you?" A little disconcerted 
 at the extreme gravity of the other, tlie 
 Proctor held out his ample sleeve — " You see 
 this, sir?" "Ahl" returned Hook, having 
 examined the fabric with great earnestness 
 for a few seconds, " yes, I perceive ; Man- 
 chester velvet: and may I take the liberty, 
 siu of °::qairiria; how much you might have 
 paid per yard for the article?" The quiet ' 
 
 imperturbability of manner with which this 
 was uttered was more than the rev. gentle- 
 man could ftand; and, muttering something 
 about "supposing it was a mistake," he 
 effected a retreat, amid shouts of laughter 
 from Hook's companions, in which the other 
 occupants of thecottee-rooni, the waiters, and 
 even his own " bull-dogs," were constrained 
 to join. 
 
 DELICATE HINT. 
 
 The Princess of Wales, in one of her 
 shrewd letters, says, " My better half, or my 
 worse, which }'ou choose, has been ill, I hear, 
 but nothing to make me hope or fear." 
 
 LOriS XIV. AND CONDE. 
 
 Louis, when he heard of the arrival of 
 Conde' at Versailles, after his last victory, 
 paid him the high honour of coming to the 
 top of the principal staircase to m^et him. 
 Cond^', scarcely able to mount the steps at 
 all (for he was suffering severely from the 
 g'lut), besought the Monarch to pardon him 
 for making him wait. " Cousin," replied the 
 King with a smile, " when one is so loaded 
 with laurels, it is, of course, difficult to walk." 
 
 Sheridan's " PizAuno." 
 Mr. Pitt was accustomed to relate, very 
 pleasantly, an amusing anecdote, of a total 
 breach of memory in some Mrs. Lloyd, a 
 lady, or nominal housekeeper of Kinsington 
 Palace : — " Being in company," he said, 
 " with Mr. Sb.eridan, without recollecting 
 him, while 'Pizarro' was the topic of discus- 
 sion, she said to him, 'and so this fine 
 " Pizarro" is printed ?' ' Yes, so I hear,' said 
 Sherry. ' And did youevor in your life reail 
 such stuff ?' cried she. ' \^ h}-, 1 believe it's 
 bad enough,' quoth Sherry; ' but, at leist. 
 JIadam, you must allow it's very loyal;' 
 'Ah!' cried she, shaking her head, 'loyal? 
 Y'ou don't know its author as well as I do.' " 
 
 TRUE TO THE TEXT. 
 
 A cm'ious instance of tlsis occurred some 
 vears ago, a* the termination of the tragedv 
 of " Richard the Third." Mr. Elliston was 
 enacting the part of Hichmond; ad having, 
 during the evening, disobej'ed the injunction 
 which the King of Deiunark hiysdown to the 
 Queen, "Gertrude, do not drink," he ac- 
 costed Mr. Powell, who was personating Lord 
 Stanley (for the safety of whose son Ricli- 
 mond is naturalh' anxious), thus, on his 
 entry, after the issue of the battle: — 
 
 Elliston (as Richmond). Y'our son, George 
 Stanley, is he dead ? 
 
 Powell (asLorfZ Stanley). He is, ray Lord, 
 anil safe in lycicester town .' 
 
 Elliston (as liichiimnd). I mean — ah! — 
 is he missing? 
 
 Powell (as J.ord Stanley.) He is, my Lord, 
 and safe in Leicester town ! ! 
 
 And it is hut justice to the memory of this 
 punctilious veteran, to sny that he would 
 have made the same reply to any qi4CSiiou 
 which could, at that partiiiikr moment. Vs\z 
 been put to him.
 
 34 
 
 RAILWAY JNECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 \ 
 
 A HIGHWAYMAN. 
 
 Brennan, the I'nmous Irish highwayman, 
 was a liitle Bonapaite in his way. He 
 once ii'bbed three officers in a postchaise, 
 and lef' them, teUing them he would report 
 them to the Duke of York, as unwi.rthy to 
 serve the Kinj;, for allowing themselves to be 
 robbed bv a sint^le man. He wure a leathern 
 girdle round his niiddle, stuck with pistols. 
 There was an attempt made by two pilice- 
 officers in the town of fipjierar}' to arrest him 
 early in the morning in bed; but he jumped 
 the window, and his wife threw a pair 
 of pistols (Hit to him. They pursued him 
 to a by-Beld, where they came up to him in 
 his shirt ; but he kept one of them at bay 
 ■with one pistol, while with the othor he stood 
 over the second policeman, till he made him- 
 strip ofl' his clothts, which he put on him 
 self; thus m.ikmg him return to tnwn as he 
 (Brennan) had left it, namely, in his shirt. 
 
 lADY HOBART'S grace. 
 
 The Lad}' Hobart, every one being set at 
 the table and nobody blessing it, but gazing 
 one upon another, in expectati.ai who should 
 be Chaplaine — " Well," sayes my Lady, " I 
 thinke I must say as one did in the like case, 
 X ' God be thanked, nobody will say grace.' " 
 * We have here an anticipation of Sheridan's 
 ■well-known speech when unexpeeiedly called 
 upon to say grace at a public dinner : — 
 ^ " What, no clergyman present .' Thank God 
 ^^ for all things?" So true it is that there is 
 nothing new under the sun, and so justly 
 may all professed sayers ot good things ex- 
 claim with Donatus, the preceptor of St. 
 Jerome, " Pereant qui ante nos nostra 
 dixerunt!" One of the most striking cases is 
 that of Talleyrand's well-known apophthegm, 
 (,.; "Language was given to man to conceal his 
 thoughts!" The wily diplomatist, no doubt, 
 thought so, and said so ; but so had Goldsmith 
 long before him, who tells us, in his tilth essay, 
 " that the true useof speech is not so much to 
 express our wants as to conceal them." 
 
 PANIC AT NF.-W YORK. 
 
 •- \ The Americans delight in the hyperbole ; 
 ' in fact they hardly have a metaphor without 
 it. During the crash, when every day fif- 
 teen or twenty merchants' names appeared 
 in the newspapers as bankrupts, one party, 
 not in a very good humour, was hastening 
 down Broadway, when he was run against 
 by another, whose temper was equally un- 
 amiable. This collision roused the choler of 
 both. 
 
 " What the devil do you mean, sir ?" cried 
 one ; " I've a great mind to knock you into 
 the middle of next week.'" 
 
 This occurring on a Saturday, the wrath 
 of the other was checked by the recollection 
 of how very favourable such a blow would 
 be to his present circumstances. 
 
 " Will you ? by heavens, then pray do ; 
 it's just the thing I want, for how else I am 
 to get over next Monday and the acceptances 
 I must take up, ia more than I can tell." 
 
 IM3IENSE TRIFLINO. 
 
 Dr. Shaw, the naturalist, was one day 
 showing to a friend two volumes written by 
 a Dutchman, upon the wings of a butterfly, 
 in the Britis'i Museum. " The dissertation 
 is rather voluminous, sir, perhajja you will 
 think," said the Doctor, gravely ; •' but it is 
 immensely important." 
 
 BBAHAM AND KKNNEY. 
 
 The pride of some people differs from that 
 of others. Mr. Buun was passing through 
 Jermyn- street, late one evening, and seeing 
 Kenney at the corner of St. James's church, 
 swinging about in a nervous sort of manner, 
 he inquired the cause of his being there at 
 such an hour. He replied, " I have been to 
 the St. James',-^ Theatre, and, do you know, 1 
 really thought Braham was a much prouder 
 man than I tind him to be." On asking why, 
 he answered, " I was in the green-room, and 
 hearing Braham say, as he entered, ' I am' 
 really proud ot my pit to-night,' I went and 
 counted it, and there were but seventeen 
 people in it!" 
 
 AN HONEST LAWYER. v 
 
 Ben Jonson "goeing through a church yC 
 in Surrey, seeing poore people weeping over ^ 
 a grave, asked one of the women why they 
 wept? '(Jh!' said she, 'wee have lost our 
 pretious lawj-er, Justice Randall ; he kept 
 us all in peace, and always was so good as 
 to keep us from goeint; to law; the best man 
 that ever lived.' ' Well, said Ben Jonson, 
 'I will send you an epitaph to write upon 
 his tomb,' which was — 
 
 ' God works wonders now and then, r, I 
 
 Here lies a lawy-er, an honest man.' " 
 
 ADVENTURE WITH A BISON. 
 
 " It is dangerous to attack a bison on fofit," 
 observed a traveller to the author of " The 
 Shoe and Canoe." " I had to do it once, and 
 paid very dearly for it. It was in the time 
 of snow. I crept up to the animal on all 
 fours and fired, wounding him desperately; 
 but still he was able to reach me. I did not 
 run ; that the hunter never does, as it would 
 be almost certain destr-action. I lay down 
 motionless, and the bull s-emed to doubt 
 whether the death-like object before him was 
 his enemy. So after staring about a bit he 
 lay down, with his bleeding mouth and deep- 
 sunk glaring eyes close to mine, breath to 
 breath, eye to eye, ay, and for some hours. 
 At length, feeling that my limbs were freez- 
 ing and stiffening, I was meditating the des-''- 
 perate step of making a run for it, when an 
 Indian boy came in sight, dancing and car- 
 rolling on a snowy knoll. The bull saw hitn, 
 got up, and staggered and floundered to him, 
 as well as he could, as his true enemy. The 
 boy perceiving his danger jumped into a snow 
 drift, and the bull could not lind him, although 
 he searched diligently and with many a groan. 
 There the boy remained till night. For my- 
 self I managed to crawl to the fort. Next 
 morning the bull was found dead three hun- 
 dred yards from the snow-drift"
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 3* 
 
 THE STAGE COACHES OF BY-GONE D\YS. 
 
 About fifty years ago, the Holyhead maU 
 left London at eight at night, and arrived at 
 Shrewsbury between ten and eleven the fol- 
 lowine night, taking twenty-seven hours to 
 run 162 miles. At the time when this rate 
 of travelling was considered all that was re- 
 quired, there was a coach on the road be- 
 tween Shrewsbury and Chester, culled the 
 " Shrewsburj' and Chester Highflyer." This 
 coach started from Shrewsbury at eight 
 o'cloik in the morning, and arrived at Ches- 
 ter abi>ut the same time in the evening, the 
 distance being forty miles. This was a good 
 bard road for wheels, and rather a favourable 
 one for draught. " But how," inquires a 
 writer in the Quarterly Review for 1832, "can 
 all these hours be accounted for ?" Why, if 
 a " commercial gentleman " had a little busi- 
 ness at Ellesmere, there was plenty of time 
 for that ; if a " real gentleman " wanted to 
 pay a morning visit on the road, there could 
 be no objection to that. In the pork-pie 
 season, half-an-hour was generally consumed 
 in consuming one of them, for Mr. Williams, 
 the coachman, was a wonderful favourite 
 v/ith the farmers' wives and daughters all 
 along the road. The coach dined at Wrex- 
 ham, for coaches lived well in thosw days — 
 they now live upon air ; and Wrexham 
 Church was to be seen — a fine specimen of 
 the florid Gothic, and one of the wonders of 
 Wales! Then Wrexham was also famous 
 for its ale: there were no public breweries in 
 those days in Wales ; and, above all, the inn 
 belonged to Sir Wat kin. About two hours 
 ■were allowed tor dinner; but Billy Williams, 
 one of the be-t tempered fellows on e-irth, as 
 honest as Aristides, was never particular to 
 half-an-hour or so. " The coach is ready, 
 gentlemen," he would say ; ♦' but don t let 
 me disturb you, if you wish for another bot- 
 tle." This was the plan adopted in the good 
 old times, when every affair of life moved on 
 at a quiet jog-trot pace, not at all adapted to 
 the present mode of carrying on business. 
 Competition of the most eager kind has been 
 for some years the order of the day, and 
 most certainly it cannot be said that stage- 
 coaches stood still. Leaving out of the 
 question the light coaches, which travelled at 
 an extremely rapid rate, we may i.olice the 
 speed maintained by the mails, which had 
 to travel long distances before their employ- 
 ment was superseded by railways. Ttie 
 Edinburgh mail ran 400 miles in forty hours, 
 stoppagf s included. This was nearly eleven 
 miles an hour. A coach to Exeter, the 
 " Herald," went over its ground, 173 miles, 
 in twenty hours — and that is a very uneven 
 country;" and the Devouport mail performed 
 its journey, 227 miles, in twenty-two hours. 
 The increase of speed was alarming to those 
 who had been accustomed to the old-fashioned 
 slow coaches, und the rate at which the new ve- 
 hiclestravelled was considered reckless risking 
 of human life. Nevertheless, the thing went 
 on, and it began to be whispered, in spite of 
 the merciless ridicule of the Quarterly/ lieview. 
 
 that if steam were to be employed on a rail- 
 way, it would be even possible to attain a 
 speed of some twenty miles an hour. In re- 
 ference to a proposed London and Woolwich 
 railroad, the Quarterli/ not only backed " Old 
 Father Thames against it for any sum," but 
 assured its readers that the people of Wool- 
 wich " would as soon suffer themselves to b» 
 fired off upon one of Congreve's ' ricochet 
 rockets, as trust themselves to the mercy of 
 such a machine (a high -pressure engine), 
 and going at such a rate (eighteen miles an 
 hour)." And the reviewer expresses his 
 trust that " Parliament will, in all railways 
 it may i-anction, limit the speed to eight or 
 nine miles an hour, which is as great as can 
 be ventured upon with safety." Tne expe- 
 riment has, however, been tried, and we all 
 know with what success. 
 
 CRIME OF BRING YOUNG. 
 
 In a debate, in which Mr. Pitt and some of 
 his young friends had violently attacked old 
 Horace Walpole, the latter complained of the 
 self-sufficiency of the young men of the date, 
 on which Mr. Pitt got up with gi-eat warmth, 
 beginning with these words : — " With the 
 greatest reverence for the grey hairs of the 
 honourable gentleman;" Walpole then pulled 
 off his wig, and showed his head covered 
 with grey hairs ; this occasioned a general 
 laughter, in which Pitt joined, and the dis- 
 pute subsided. 
 
 SHARP SHOT. . 
 
 At the sieee of Badajoz, a cannen-shot, "^ 
 fired by the French, struck the ground first, 
 and then hit one of our artiller}' men on the 
 back, when he fell, as was thought, killed on» 
 the spot. In a moment, however, he jumped 
 up unhurt, the shot having glanced olf his 
 knapsack ; in commemoration of which event, 
 he was afterwards known by the appellation 
 of the bomb-proof man.' — A Biitish soldier -A 
 having tired at a Frenchman, without orders, 
 was reprimanded for doing so by his colonel, 
 who aske<l him why he did so; when he 
 coolly said, scratching his head at the same 
 time, " Why, zur, I ar'n't nought i:o eat this 
 here two days, and I thought as how I might 
 find somewhat iu his knapsack." 
 
 SETTLING A QUESTION. 
 
 When Captain Jervis (afterwards Earl St . 
 Vincent) cdinmanded the Alarm frigate, on 
 the coast of Harbar} , one ol her boats being 
 near the shore, in the bay of 'funis, two 
 slaves swam off, and concealed themselves in 
 the King's colours. The Dey of Tunis sent 
 to demand their return : Jervis refused, say- 
 ing that the instant they took refuge under 
 the British flag, they were free. He threat- 
 ened to fie upon the ship; Jervis instantly 
 got the Alarm abreast of the castle, and sent 
 him word that the first shot that was fired 
 should be returned, and the castle levelled 
 with the ground. Jervis took no further 
 steps, and carried his two freed slaves off iS 
 triumph* 
 
 D 2
 
 36 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 TASTE FOR MUSIC. 
 
 '^ The infamous Duke of Lauderdale used to 
 eay that he had rather hear a cat mew tlian 
 the best music in the world ; and the better 
 the music the more sick it made him. 
 
 SPECIAL PLEADING. 
 
 When a very eminent special pleader was 
 asked by a country gentleman if he con- 
 sidered that his son was likely to succeed as a 
 special pleader, he replied, " Prav, sir, can 
 your son eat' saw-dust without butter?" 
 
 A SMALL GLASS. 
 
 y The manager of a Scotch theatre, at 
 which Kean was playing Macbeth, seeing 
 him greatly exhausted towards the close of 
 the performance, offered him some whisky in 
 a very small thi»lle-L,lass, saying, at the same 
 time, by way of encouragement, "Take that, 
 Mr. Kean; take that, sir; it is the real 
 mountain dew ; that will never hurt yon, 
 sir!" "No," said Kean, with a significant 
 I glance at the homccripathic dose, "No, that 
 j I'll be sworn it wouldn't — if it was vitriol.' ' 
 
 MICHAEL FARADAY. 
 
 Vf This eminent person was the son of a ' 
 humble blacksmith, who apprenticed him to 
 a small bookbinder in Blandford-street, when 
 only nine years of age, and in which occu- 
 pation he continued till he was twenty-two. 
 The circumstances that occasioned his ex- 
 changing the work-room of the binder for 
 the laboratory of the chemist have been thus 
 forcibly related. Ned Magrath, now secre- 
 tary to the Aihenseum, happening, five and 
 twenty years ago, to enter the shop of 
 Kibeau, observed one of the bucks of the 
 paper bonnet zealously studying a book he 
 ought to have been binding. He approached 
 — it was a volume of the old Britmmica, 
 t)pcn at I'^LKCTiuciTY. He entered into tslk 
 with the greasy journeyman, and was aston- 
 ished to find in him a self-taught chemist, of 
 no slender pretensions. He presented him 
 with a set of ticket.-< for Davy's lectures at 
 the Royal Listitution: and daily thereafter 
 might the nondescript be seen perched, pen 
 in hand, and his eyes starting out of his 
 head, just over the clock opposite the chair. 
 At last the course terminated ; but Faraday's 
 spirit had received a new impulse, which 
 nothing but dire necessity could have re- 
 strained ; and from that he was saved by the 
 promptitude with wliich, on his forwarding 
 a modest outline of his histoiy, with the 
 notes he had made of these lectures, to Da\'3', 
 that great and good man rushed to the assist- 
 ance of kindred genius. Sir Humphrey 
 immediately appointed him an assistant in 
 the laboratory ; and, after two or three j'ears 
 had passed, he found Faraday qualified to act 
 :is his secretary. His career lias been suc- 
 cessful, and be now stands at the head of his 
 profession. He ranks as one of the first 
 lecturers of the da}-, and has published seve- 
 ral works highly and desei-vedly popular. — 
 At-neit's Histoiy of Book-binding. 
 
 STAMMERING. 
 
 Stammering (sa3's Coleridge) is sometimes' \^ 
 the cause of a pun. Some one was men- 
 tioning in Lamb's presence the cold-hearted- 
 ness of the Duke of Cumberland, in restrain- 
 ing the Duchess in rushing up to the embrace 
 of her son, whom she h;id not seen for a 
 considerable time, and insisting on her re- 
 ceiving him in state. " How horribly cold it 
 was," said the narrator. "Yes," said Lamb, 
 in his stuttering waj', " but you know he is 
 the Duke of Cu- cum- ber -land." 
 
 CUNNING ASTEOLOGTi:E. 
 
 An astrologer foretold the death of a lady 
 whom Louis XI. passionately loved. She 
 did, in fact, die ; and the King iniagintd that 
 the prediction of the astrologer was the cause 
 o( it. He sent for the man, intending to 
 have him thrown through the window, as a 
 punishment. " Tell me, thou who pretendest 
 to be so clever and learned a man, what thy 
 fate will be?" The soothsayer, who sus- 
 pected the intrigues of the Prince, and knew 
 his foible, replied : " Sire, 1 foresee that I 
 shall die three days before your Majesty." 
 The King believed him, and was carel'ul of 
 th3 astrologer's life. 
 
 QUEEN VICTOP.IA AND THE PAGE. -^ 
 
 We have pleasure in placing on record an 
 incident in the domestic history of Queen 
 Victoria. We learned that it is the usual 
 fashion for the Queen and Prince Albert to 
 breakfast alone, and with no attendant but a 
 confidential page. When we heard this, we 
 were led to dream of a graceful } out h, with 
 ruffles at his wrists and powdered hair, as, in 
 our youth, we beheld the pages that annually 
 bewildered us by their grandeur, in attend- 
 ance on his grace the commissii ner, who re- 
 presents royalty in the General A-sombly of 
 the Church of Scotland. No such thing. A 
 page, it seems, is often a common-place 
 specimen of adult humanity. One such was 
 on one occasion, waiting at the breakfast- 
 table, when, like Nehemiah of old, he looked 
 sad in the Royal presence. " Wherefore," 
 the Queen said unto him, " is thy countenance 
 sad, seeing thou art not sick ? This is no- 
 thing els- but sorrow of heart." As in the case 
 of Nehemiah, the page, at first sore afraid, at 
 last took courage, and revealed to his Royal 
 mistress the cause of his grief. His daughter's 
 husband was on his death bed, at Brighton, 
 and his wife and six children had none to 
 comfort them. The Queen instantly ordered 
 the presence of another attendant, furnished 
 the sorrowing man with mone}' for the 
 journey to his daughter, and ordered him, on 
 his return, to report to her the circumstances 
 in which the family were placed. His son- 
 in-law, as had been feared, died, leaving hi.s 
 widow and family unprovided tor; but iu the 
 Queen they had found a friend. The children 
 were placed in various hospitals in London ; 
 and for the mother a situation was procured, 
 at once honourable and comfortable. — Edin- 
 burgh Witness.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 37 
 
 MAKING IT UP. 
 
 An attorney being informed by his cook 
 that there was not dinner enough provided, 
 upon one occasion when company weie ex- 
 pected, he asked if she had brothed the clerks. 
 She rephed that she had done so. " Well 
 then," said he, " broth 'em again." 
 
 WATERLOO LETTERS. 
 
 One of the three letters written by the 
 'S Duke of Wellington from tlie field of Wa- 
 terloo was a brief note, which, having enu- 
 merated some who had fallen, ended thus 
 emphatically : — "i have escaped unhurt : the 
 finger of Frovidence was on me" Wliat the 
 im|julse was which dictated these extraordi- 
 nary words, we leave to the opinion of those 
 who read them. . . . When the dread- 
 ful ligh" Tvas over, the Duke's feelings, so long 
 kept at the highest tension, gave way, and, 
 as he rode amid the groans of the wounded 
 iind the reeking carnage, and heard the 
 rout of the vanquished and the shouts of the 
 victors, fainter and fainter through the gloom 
 of night, he wept, and soon after v/rote the 
 words above quoted from his letter. 
 
 lAWYEBS IN AMERICA. 
 
 In the towns in the interior, a lawyer's 
 office is generally a small wooden house, of 
 one room, twelve feet square, built of clap- 
 board, and with the door wide open ; and the 
 little domicile, with its tenant used to remind 
 me of a spider in its web, waiting for Hies. 
 A lawyer in one of the newly-settled West- 
 ern States was so extremely metaphorical 
 upon an occasion, when the stealing of a pig 
 •was the case in point, that at last he got to 
 " corruscating rays" The judge (who ap- 
 peared equally metaphorical himself) thought 
 
 proper to pull hini up, by saying : " Mr. , 
 
 I wish j'ou would take the feathers from the 
 wings of 3'our imagination, and put them 
 into the tail of your judgment." 
 
 THE "beggar's opera." 
 Of the " Beggar's Opera," we find the fol- 
 lowing record in the Gentle/nan's Mayazine, 
 Sept. Id, 1773: — "This day Sir John Field- 
 ing informed the bench of justices that he 
 had last year written to Jlr. Garrick concern- 
 ing the impropriety of performing the 
 ' Beggar's Opera,' which never was repre- 
 sented on the stage without creating an addi- 
 tional number of real thieves ; he begged, 
 therefore, the gentlemen present woukl join 
 with him in requesting Mr. Garrick to desist 
 from performing that opera on Saturday 
 evening. The bench immediately consented 
 to the proposal ; and a polite card was de- 
 spatched tu Mr. Garrick for that purpose. To 
 which Mr. Garrick returaed for answer, that 
 his company was so imperfect and divided 
 (many of the performers being yet in the 
 country), that it would be exceedingly in- 
 convenient, if not impossible, for him to open 
 with any other piece ; but added, that he 
 would, in future, do everything in his power 
 to oblige them." 
 
 FXLISTON AND OKORGE rV. 
 
 In 1824, when the question of erecting a 
 monument to iShakspeare, in his native town, 
 was agitated by Mr. Mathews and Mr. Bunn, 
 the King (George IV.) took a lively interest 
 in the matter, and, considering that the lead- 
 ing people of both the patent theatres sho'ild 
 be consulted, directed Sir Charles Long, Sir 
 George Beaumont, and Sir Francis Freeling 
 to ascertain Mr. Elliston's sentiments on the 
 subject. As soon as these di.-tinguished in- 
 dividuals (who had come direct from, and 
 were going direct back to, the Palace) had 
 delivered themselves of their mission, Elliston 
 replied, " Very well, gentlemen, leave the 
 papers with me, and I will talk over the busi- 
 nts^ with iiis JIajesty." 
 
 FINDING MONEY. . 
 
 Parties ought to be very cautious in their '^ 
 •actions if they should by chance lind in 
 the streets any small sum of money or other 
 valuables. The Police Act is very stringent 
 on this point, and by section 221 imposes a 
 penalty of not more than £5 on any ptrson 
 who, after finding money, fails, within forty- 
 eight hours afterward?, to report the same to 
 the Police-otfice. This was once strongly 
 stated by Bailie Bryson, at the Calton Police- 
 court, Edinburgh, in the case of a young 
 lad, who, it appeared, found a one-pound 
 note in Kent-street, Calton, which he 
 immediately handed over to his parents, 
 and said nothing .about it to the police. 
 The circumstance, however, had been 
 ascertained, and an owner having been 
 found, the offender was charged with 
 the contravention of the act; and after 
 a suitable admonition by the Bailie on the 
 impropriety of his conduct, sentenced to pay 
 a line of half-a-guinea, besides refunding the 
 money found. 
 
 WHAT A DIRTY SHIRT YOU HAVE ON ! 
 
 Soon after Bolivar's entry into Bogota, -—^ 
 subsequent to the defeat of the Spaniards at 
 Bojaca, he gave a grand entertainment to 
 many of the first families of the place, and 
 just before dinner an English Colonel arrived. 
 Bolivar, looking at him, said, " iMy good 
 and brave Colonel, what a dirty shirt you 
 have on ior this grand dinner; how happens 
 it?" The Colonel replied, he was "really 
 very sorry, but, to confess the truth, it was 
 the onl}' shirt he had :" on hearing which, 
 Bolivar laughed, and sending fur his major- 
 domo, desired him to give the Colonel one of 
 his shirts. The man hesitated, and remained 
 looking at the General ; when he again said, 
 rather impatiently, " Why don't you go, as 
 I desire you? — the dinner will soon be on 
 the table." The major-domo stammered out, 
 " Your Excellency has but two shirts — one 
 is on your back, the other in the wash!" 
 This made Bolivar and the Colonel laugh 
 heartily; the former remarking, jokingly; 
 " The Spaniards retreated so quickly from us, 
 my dear Colonel, that I have been obliged tv 
 leave my heavy baggage in the rear,"
 
 38 
 
 EAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 POLITE CORRECTION. 
 
 Sir Robert Graham, upon one occasion, 
 when passing sentence upon a batch of con- 
 victed criminals, is said by accident to have 
 pronounced sentence of transportation on one 
 who it was intended should be hanged. 
 Shocked beyond measure, when apprised of 
 this mistake, he desired the culprit to be 
 again placed in the dock, and hastily putting 
 
 (. on the black cap, he addressed him : — " Pri- 
 soner at the bar, / beg your pardon ! " and 
 -then proceeded to pass on him the awful sen- 
 tence of the law. 
 
 ^ RUNS UPON TFTE BANK OF ENGLAND. 
 
 ■^ There is an abundance of interest in the 
 rfxronicles of the i-uns upon the Bank, and 
 the expedients by which it has been saved — 
 in 1745, for instance, by the corporation re- 
 taining its specie, and employing agents to 
 enter with notes, who, to gain time, were 
 paid in sixpences ; and, as those who came 
 first were entitled to priority of payment, 
 the agents went out at one door with the 
 specie they had received, and brought it back 
 by another, so that the botid fide holders of 
 notes could never get near enough to present 
 them. We may as well here, though it be 
 out of date, give the explanation of the issue 
 (rf one-pound notes during the panic of 1825. 
 The incidental mention to one of the di- 
 rectors that there_wa3 a box of one-pound 
 notes ready for issue, turned the attention of 
 the authorities to the propriety of attempting 
 So circulate them ; and the declaration of Mr. 
 Henry Thornton, in 1797, probably occun-ed, 
 that it was the want of small change, not a 
 necessity for gold, that was felt ; and as the 
 pressure on the country banks arose from the 
 holders of the small notes, it was suggested 
 to the Government that the public might, 
 perhaps, receive one-pound notes in place of 
 sovereigns. The Government approved of 
 the idea, and tlie panic was at its height, 
 when, on Saturday, the 17th of December, 
 the Bank closed its doors with only 
 £1,027,000 in its cellars. (In the pamphlet 
 published by Lord Ashburton is the following 
 remarkable paragraph. After saying " I was 
 called into counsel with the late Lord Liver- 
 pool, Mr. Huskisson, and the Governor of the 
 Bank," his Lordship proceeds : " The gold of 
 the Bank was drained to within a very few 
 thousand pounds; for aJ'.no'ogh the published 
 returns showed a result rather less scandalous, 
 a certain Saturday night closed with nothing 
 worth mentioning remaining. ') It has been 
 frequently stated, that by a mere accident 
 the box of one-pound notes was discovered. 
 But such w-as not the case. A witness stated 
 that "he did not recollect that there were 
 any one-pound notes ; they were put by ; it 
 was the casual observation that tiiere were 
 such things in the house, which suggested 
 to the directors that it would be pos^ib!e to 
 use them." Application was made to the 
 Government for permission to issue them ; 
 and this was granted, subject to certain sti- 
 Dulations. 
 
 A READY ANSWER. 
 
 When Clarke, the traveller, asked, in Swe- y- 
 den, what became of a woman who fell into J^ 
 the shaft of an iron mine that he visited, 
 " Became of her !" said the man to whom he 
 put the question, striking his hand forcibly 
 upon his thigh ; " she became a pancake !" 
 
 ■wrrrr perversion. 
 Dr. Williamson had a quarrel with one of '\ 
 his parishioners by the name of Hardy, who 
 showed considerable resentment. On the 
 succeeding Sunday, the doctor preached from 
 the following text, which he pronounced 
 ■with great emphasis, and with a significant 
 look at Hardy, who was present, " There is 
 no fool like the fool-Hardy." 
 
 SATISFACTION. 
 
 Lord William Poulat was said to be the 
 author of a pamphlet called " The Snake in 
 the Grass." A gentleman abused in it sent 
 him a challenge. Lord William protested 
 his innocence, but the gentleman insisted 
 upon a denial under his own hand. Lord 
 William took a pen and began — " This is to 
 scratify that the buk called ' The Snak ' "— 
 "Oh ! my Ltrd," said the person, "I am 
 satistied : your Lordship has already con- 
 ^^nced me you did not write the book." 
 
 THE GOUTY SHOE. 
 
 James Smith used to tell, with great glee, 
 a story showing the general conviction of 
 his dislike to ruralities. He was sitting in 
 the library at a country-house, when a gen- 
 tleman proposed a quiet stroll in the pleasure- 
 grounds : — 
 
 " Stroll ! why don't you see my gouty 
 shoe ?" 
 
 *• Yes, I see that plain enough, and I wish 
 I'd brought one too ; but they are all outnow." 
 
 "Well, and what then?" 
 
 " What then ? why, my dear fellow, yoti 
 don't mean to say that you have really got 
 the gout? I thought you had only put on 
 that shoe to get off being shown over the 
 improvements." 
 
 HALF-AND-HALF. 
 
 A German, on his passage from Hamburgh 
 to England, was asked by a fellow voyagnir, 
 whether he shonld not drink porter on his 
 arrival in London : " No," replied the Ger- 
 man, " it will be much too strong for my 
 heaA" "Ah!" rejoined the other, "you 
 will change your opinion when you have once 
 tasted it." A few weeks after, the German 
 met his friend, who asked him whether he 
 had not drunk porter as he predicted. " No," 
 replied he, " I drink half-and-half." "But 
 that is even stronger, being half ale and half 
 porter!" " Oh," cried the German with sur- 
 prise, « I thought half-and-half was half v 
 porter and half water." 
 
 The last time Madame Pasta was in Eng- 
 land, a lady of high distinction asked her if 
 she drank as much porter as usual. "No, 
 mia cara, prendo ha/f-and-ha!/ udesso."
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 39 
 
 AN ESCAPE. 
 
 Louis XVIII., when living at Dilligen, on 
 the Danube, was once shot, at, and the ball 
 grazed his forehead ; but the wretch who 
 fired the musket was never discovered. 
 
 DEAR MEAL. 
 
 Fanny Murray, a beauty of Walpole's time, 
 was complaining of want of money, when Sir 
 Kobert Atkins gave her a twenty pound note. 
 She said, "D — n your twenty pound, what 
 does it signify?" clapj^d it between two 
 pieces of bread and butter, and ate it ! 
 
 ESTIMATE OF A LIFE. 
 
 ^ The Duke of Wellington, after the battle 
 
 of Waterloo, joined in the pursuit, and fol- 
 lowed the enemy for some miles. Colonel 
 Hervey, who was with him, advised him to 
 desist, as the country was growing less open, 
 and he might be fired at by some stragglers 
 from behind the hedges. "Let them fire 
 
 ^ away — the battle is won, and my life is of no 
 
 ^ value now .'" 
 
 LORD BROUGHAM. 
 
 Shortly after his Lordship's appointment 
 to the office of Lord High Chancellor, he vi- 
 sited, along with some other Ministers of the 
 Cabinet of Earl Grey, one of the most exten- 
 sive breweries in the metropolis, and had 
 there what is colloquially called a " beef- 
 steak dinner." After it was finished, a pro- 
 position was made that they should inspect 
 the works; and, in order that the party 
 might understand the use of each and all of 
 them, the foreman, a cautious, but intelligent 
 Scotchman, was desired to attend and ex- 
 plain them. They hadscarcelygotintothefirst 
 room, before Lord Brougham, with a slight 
 motion of the h^nd, put aside his Scotch 
 cicerone, who was volunteering an explana- 
 tion, and said, with his usual cool, good-na- 
 tured nonchalance : " Young man, I will save 
 rou the trouble you are about to undertake ; 
 understand all this perfectly well, and will 
 explain it myself to my noble and distin- 
 guished friends." His Lordship then pro- 
 ceeded, without further preface, to explain to 
 Earl Giey and other members of this con- 
 vivial party, every stage in the process of 
 brewing ; but, unfortunately, did not explain 
 one of them rii^lit, even by accident. The 
 Scotchman, who perceived, but was too pru- 
 dent to expose, the ignorance of his country- 
 man, was astounded by his unceasing volu- 
 bility : and, in sppaking of it in a mixed 
 company, where the informant was present, 
 observed : " Gude faith, sirs, but it made my 
 hair staun on en to hear the l^rd High 
 Chancellor o' Great Britain tellin the Lord 
 High Treasurer a lang tail aboot maut and 
 the brewing o't, and nae word o' truth fra 
 beginnin to en. It made a thinking mon 
 reflect what a terrible pass things must ha 
 come till, when ae Minister could jist tell, 
 nnd anither ^Minister jist believe, sic awful 
 cantrips. Eh, sirs ! nae barrel can be gude 
 that that blatherin' chiel has gat the 
 brewiu o'." 
 
 TURNING THE TABLES. 
 
 A 3'oung ladv, a native of Sydney, being v' 
 asked if she should like to go to Britain, 
 answered, that she should like to see it, but 
 not to live in it. On being pressed for her 
 reason, she replied, that, from the great 
 number of bad people sent out from thence, 
 it must, surely, be a very wicked place to 
 live in I" 
 
 CREDIT. 
 
 Among the witty aphorisms upon this un- 
 safe topic, are Lord Alvanley's descripiion of 
 a man who "muddled away his fortune in 
 paying his tradesmen's bills ;" Lord Orford's 
 definition of timber, "an excrescence on the 
 face of the earth, placed there by Providence 
 for the payment of debts;" and Peiham's 
 argument, that it is respectable to be ar- 
 res^ted, because it shows that the party once V 
 had credit. 
 
 ODD HOUSEKEEPING. 
 
 Mrs. Blontgomery was the onh' — the mo- ^ 
 therless — daughterof the stem General Camp- 
 bell, who early installed her into the duties of 
 housekeeper, and expected this giddy puss to 
 give in her accounts with the precision of a 
 Mrs. Decorum ; but it sometimes happened 
 that, in setting down the articles purchased, 
 and their prices, she put the cart before the 
 horse;" her gruff papa never lectured her 
 verbally, but wrote his remarks on the mar- 
 gin of the paper, and returned it for correc- 
 tion. One such instance was as follows : — 
 "General Campbell thinks five-and-sixpence 
 exceedingly dear for parsley." Henrietta in- 
 stantly saw hi r mistake ; but, instead of for- 
 mallj' rectifying it, wrote against the next 
 item — " Miss Caraphell thinks twnpimce-half- 
 pcnny excessively cheap for fowls ;" and sent 
 it back to her father. 
 
 GERM.VN ENGLISH. 
 
 An English lady resident at Coblenfz, one 
 day wishing to order of her German servant 
 (who did not understand English) a boiled 
 fo«l for dinner, Gnttel was summoned, and 
 that experiment began. It was one of the 
 lady's fancies, that the less her words resem- 
 bled her native tongue, the more they must 
 be like German. So her first attem])t was to 
 tell the maid that she wanted a cheeking or 
 keeking. The maid opened her eyes and 
 mouth, and shook her head. " it's to cook," 
 said the mistress, " to cook, to put in an iron 
 thing, in a pit, pat, pot." "Ish understand 
 risht," said the maid, in her Cobhntz /^o/o/s- 
 "It's a thing to eat," said her mistress, "for 
 dinner — for deener — with sauce, soace, 
 sowose. What on earth am I to do.'" ex- 
 claimed the lady, in despair, but still made 
 another attempt. "It's a little creature — a 
 bird — a bard — a beard — a hen — a hone — a 
 fowl — a fool ; it's all covered with fea- 
 thers — fathers— feeders!" "Ha, ha," cried 
 the delighted German, at laft getting hold of 
 a catchword, " Ja, ja 1 teddei-s — ja wulil ! ' and 
 away went Grettel, and in hall an hour re- 
 turned, triumphautl}', with a bundle of sta- 
 tioner's quills.
 
 40 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 QUID PRO QUO. 
 
 ** Do yen call yourself a ycntleman .«•'' said 
 an Oxford bargeman to a Christchurch-man, 
 who, from the opposite side of the Charwell, 
 had beaten him to a stand-still in slanf/. " I 
 do," replied the gownsman. " Then I'm 
 blow'd if I arn't a lord," exclaimed the other, 
 walking away in despair. 
 
 Or.STINACr IN ARGUMENT. 
 
 The warmth with which some disputants 
 point out simple misnomers, reminds one of 
 the indignant retort of Curl upon the charge 
 of being tossed in a blanket at Eton — " Here 
 (quoth he), Scribierus, thou kezest, for I was 
 not tossed in a blanket, but in a rug" 
 
 " THE REJECTED ADDRESSES." 
 
 The fame of the brothers James and Hora- 
 tio Smith was confined to a limited circle, 
 until the publication of "The Rejected Ad- 
 dresses." James used to dwell with much 
 pleasure on the criticism of a Leicestershire 
 clergyman: "I do not see why they ('The 
 Addresses') should have been rejected : I 
 think some of them very good." This, he 
 would add, is almost as good as the avovral 
 of tha Irish Bishop, that there were some 
 things in " Gulliver's Travels " which he 
 could not believe. 
 
 SILENT WOJIAN. 
 
 Madame Rignier, the wife of a law-officer 
 at Versailles, while talking in the presence 
 of a numerous part}-, dropped some remarks 
 which were out of place, though not impor- 
 tant. Her husband reprimanded her before 
 the whole company, saying, " Silence, madam ; 
 ,-""". are a fool !" She lived twenty or thirty 
 years afterwards, and never uttered a single 
 word, even to her children! A pretended 
 theft was committed in her presence, in the 
 hope of taking her by surprise, but without 
 effect ; and nothing could induce her to speak. 
 When her consent was requisite for the mar- 
 riage of any of her childien, she bowed her 
 head, and signed the contract. _ '/ ■ , - . 
 
 THE law's delay. 
 
 It is well known, upon one of the English 
 circuits, that a leading banister once under- 
 took to speak while an express went twenty 
 miles to bring back a witness, whom it was 
 pecessarj' to produce on the trial. But, what 
 is this to the performance of an American 
 counsellor, who, npon a like emergency, held 
 the judge and the jury by their ears for three 
 mortal days! He was, indeed, put to his 
 •wit's end for words wherewith to fill up the 
 time; and he introduced so many truisms, 
 and argued at the utmost length to many 
 indisputable points, and expatiated so pro- 
 fusely upon so many trite ones, that Judge 
 Marshal, the most patient of listeners, at list 
 said, " Mr. Such-a-one (addressing liim by 
 his name, in a deliberate tone of the mildest 
 reprehension), there are some things with 
 which the Court should be supposed to be 
 acquainted." 
 
 COOL RETORT. 
 
 Henderson, the actor, was seldom known V 
 to be in a passion. When at Oxford, he was ~ 
 one day debating with a fellow student, who, 
 not keeping his temper, threw a glass of wine 
 in the actor's face; when Henderson took 
 out his handkerchief, wiped his face, and 
 coolly said, "That, sir, was a digression; 
 now for the argument." 
 
 DRINKING ALONE. 
 
 The author of ihe "Parson's Daughter,"^ 
 when surprised one evening in his arm-chair, 
 two or three hours after dinner, is reported 
 to have apologised, by saying, " When one 
 is alone, the bottle does come round so often." 
 On a similaroccasion, Sir Hercules Langreisb, 
 on being asked, "Have you finished all that 
 port (three bottles) without assistance?" an- 
 swered, " No — not quite that — I had the as- 
 sistance of a bottle of Madeira." 
 
 I 
 
 ZUJniERZETSHIRE. 
 
 Benson Hill relates the following rich spe- 
 cimen of this diakct : — " I was walkiiig, with 
 my sister, up the Wells (Bath) Road, when, 
 as we paused beside a gardener's shed, to ad- 
 mire "his vegetable store," that alarming 
 sight, a caparisoned, but riderless steed, 
 rushed by us. To a sheepish-looking native, 
 v,ho now came to the gate, I said something 
 of an "accident." He pulled his fair fore- 
 lock, answering^" Eees, zur, I'd zpcaz 'ow 
 it war. I doan't think ad a durt a purpuz, 
 pore blood!" "Blood?" echoed Bell, shud- 
 deringly — for she is a sad coward that waj'. 
 "Now doan't you go vur to vret. Miss, I 
 zaw't appun. He bean't urf, bless'ce ! Veil 
 inta az zaft a bed o' dust, like, az i\ er you 
 zee. Tull brush awf, ma'am." " But the 
 horse, farmer?" said I. "Oh, a may be 
 they'll stop *un, at the turnpike, down yan- 
 der" ('twas a mile off). " The beast war in 
 want of a gallop. Too much earn in 'un, 
 measter, and too little o' man on 'iz back." 
 The now powdereS^beau ran up. To him my 
 new acquaintance coolly continued — "I be 
 zaaing to thin gentlemun, az zum brutes be 
 better ved nor taught. What a yen iver 
 done that they should stick j-ou a top o' a 
 boss?" " Vy, you uncommon stoopid, and 
 purticler rood person !'' fumed the dismounted 
 dandy, " carn't you nither ketch a oss, nor 
 elp a shuperior hup ?" " Volk bean't az cute 
 az Cockneys in our parts," replied the bump- 
 kin. "Harj-er larfin hat me, fellar? Hits 
 werj' veil as I bruk my vip, lest vise my 
 temper's riz so that I've a moind." " Well, 
 I ax pardon," pleaded 7«^ friend, "I didn't 
 azist 'ee, but now I icill, raayurlee. Teake a 
 vool's advice. Afore ever your trust your- 
 self again out zide a sptretty animal, in the 
 very power o' a creatur as can't like 'ee, jovi 
 come any day, zee one o' our bways back a 
 unbroke colt, wiout zaddle, or bridle, or 
 aalter, and j'it stick on, houlding by main 
 vorce, as a bodv may zaaj-. 1 hen you'll vind 
 out that tiz one thing to A«' a good hoss, and 
 another to know how to ride 'un" 
 
 X
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 41 
 
 THE NATIONAL ANTHEM. 
 
 Much research has been bestowed in the 
 endeavour to ascertain the origin of this po- 
 pular air, and to collect all that has "been 
 said would fill volumes. 1. It is said 
 to have been composed by Doctor John 
 Bull, in the year 1607 ; but this composition, 
 which was published by Doctor Kitchiner, 
 from the original manuscript in his posses- 
 sion, was found to be nothing more than a 
 ground for the organ on four notes, C G F E, 
 with twenty-six different basses, and bear- 
 ing not the most distant resemblance to the 
 air in question. 2. The Duchess of Perth 
 has stated, in her " Memoirs," that the said 
 anthem is of French origin, and was first 
 sung by the nuns of St. Cyr to James II. ; 
 and that Handel procured a copy of it when 
 in France, and then passed it on to George I. 
 and the En jlish nation as his own composi- 
 tion. The Duchess has also given a verse of 
 the anthem to confirm her account. But 
 the works of Handel were much better known 
 in England than in P^rance, and not one syl- 
 lable can be found throughout his life or 
 writings about his claiming to be the author 
 or composer of " God save the King." On 
 the contrary, his own musical amanuensis, 
 John Christopher Smith, commonly called 
 Handel Smith, is the very individu il who, 
 in a letter to Dr. Heminton, declares that 
 Harry Carey w;;s both the author and com- 
 poser. The verse htr Grace has given is 
 also at variance with her statement, for the 
 verses or stanzas of our national anthem have 
 each seven lines — the one given in French 
 has ten Imes ; and it is absolutely impossible 
 to adapt all the syllables in those ten lines to 
 the notes of " God save tlie King," unless 
 we had six bars to the last strain. 3. Mr. 
 Pinkerton, in his "Recollections of Paris," 
 vol. ii., says, that " the supposed national air 
 is a mere transcript of a Scottish anthem" in 
 a collection printed in 1682. In this bold 
 assertion he, no doubt, alludes to a work 
 ■which excited some interest a few years ago, 
 from this imagined discovery, •' Cantus ; 
 Songs and Fancies to several musical parts, 
 ^c , as taught in the Music School of Aber- 
 deen," printed by John Forbes, in Aberdeen. 
 Mr. Cross, in his account of the Yorkshire 
 Musical Festival, informs us that a copy of 
 this work was sold by auction, by Evans, in 
 February, 1819, forXll, on the supposition 
 of its containing the original of "God save 
 the King !" This singular publication, com- 
 monly called Forbes' Cantus, is an odd voice 
 part of some old English glees, Christmas ca- 
 rols, &c. ; and yet, in its imperfect state, it 
 went through three editions, viz. in 1662, 
 1666, and 1682 ; moreover this, the only 
 known publication of music in Scotland 
 during the whole of the seventeenth centurj', 
 is now universally admitted not to contain a 
 single Scottish air. The tune in question, 
 " Kemember, O thou man," is a Christmsis 
 carol, taken from Ravenscroft's Melismata, 
 printed in London in 1611. 4. A writer in 
 the Gentleman's Magazine for March, 1706, 
 
 page 208, says, " The original tune of ' God 
 save the King' — the tune, at least, which 
 evidently furnished the subject of it — is to be 
 found in a book of harpsichord lessons pub- 
 lished b}' Purcell's widow, in Dean's- j'ard, 
 Westminster;" but it is certain that "God 
 save the King" has never yet been disco- 
 vered in Purcell's works, or with his name 
 attached to it in any manner whatever. It 
 now only remains to make a few remarks 
 upon Henry Carey's claim to the authorship. 
 Carey, who was a Jacobite, in common with 
 all who fixed their hopes on James, is said 
 to have written it on the eve of the contest 
 with the Pretender, in 1715, at which time 
 he was upwards of fifty years of age, and, 
 according to his constant practice, set his 
 o\\Ti music to his own words. But the hopes 
 of the Jacobites were defeated, and the song 
 laid by and forgotten till 1740. It has been 
 proved that the author sang it publicly, and 
 with the greatest success, at a dinner given 
 to celebrate the victory of Admiral Yernon, 
 1740 ; and on this occasion Carey himself ap- 
 plied the song to George, in consequence of 
 the recent splendid victory — 
 
 Send him victoriouj, 
 Happy and glorious, 
 Long to reign over us. 
 
 The original words were applied to James — 
 soon to reign over us. Carey himself applied 
 the words to George, altering soon to long. 
 Thus applied, it then became popular be- 
 yond conception. By Dr. Pepeesch it was 
 altered in tfie melody of the first bar, and 
 immediately afterwards, with a perfect bass, 
 introduced on the stage ; and it has been con- 
 stantl}' and enthusiastically sung to the same 
 words, which it has retained from 1740 till 
 the death of the last George. — Leicester Jour- 
 nal. 
 
 UNFORTUNATE KESEMBLANCE. 
 
 Captain Atkins, who was lost in the De- 
 fence, off the coast of Jutland, in 1811, had 
 a double, that was the torment of his life ; 
 for this double was a swindler, who, having 
 discovered the, for him, lucky fac-simileship, 
 obtained goods, took up money, and at last 
 married a wife, in Atkins's name. Once, whea 
 the real captain returned from a distant sta- 
 tion, this poor woman, who was awaiting 
 him at Plymouth, put oil" in a boat, boarded 
 the shii) as soon as it came to anchor, and 
 ran to welcome him as her husband. 
 
 kean's life. 
 Edmund Kean, the tragedian, one day, 
 speaking of his portraits, remarked to a 
 friend: " Every one tries io flatter me. They 
 will omit this inequality in tiie bridge of my 
 nose. Sir, it was dealt me by a — pewter pot, 
 hurled from the hand of — Jack Thurtell. 
 We were bonie, drunk and bleeding, to the 
 watch-house, for the night ; when / was 
 taken out, washed, phistered, left to cogitate 
 on an}' lis, of an accident in a .stage fight. I 
 told it, and was believed, for the next day 1 
 — dined -Kilh. the Bishop of Norwich!"
 
 42 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 MINOR GRECL4NS, 
 
 " Cooper,'' said Graham, " have j'ou seen 
 'Epidibus?'" "Where?" asked the cour- 
 teous John, " and what may it be ?" " Whj', 
 a tragedy now playing, with great success at 
 the Tottenham- street Theatre; and, from 
 its classic beauties, carried over the water to 
 the void ground near the new Bedlam : there 
 1 heard it announced for representation by a 
 gentleman in Roman armour, who, with a 
 truncheon, pointed to a board, on which 
 I perceived the important information — 
 C.H.E.X. 'Chex here.' " " Ah !" remarked 
 Cooper, " these minor theatres will destroy 
 the legitimate drama. Not that I know 
 ' Epidibus,' either in Inchbald's or Oxberry's 
 collection — some blunder, of course." " Yes," 
 said Graham, " the fellow meant that edify- 
 ing drama, called ' CEdipus.' " " Oh, of 
 course I ." " I see," interrupted Gra- 
 ham, and the conversation was changed. 
 
 MONK lewis's PI^Y OF " THE CASTLE 
 SPECTRE." 
 
 The terrors inspired by the " Castle 
 Spectre " were not confined to Drury-Lane; 
 but, as the following shows, on one occasion 
 the}- even extended considerably beyond it. 
 Mrs. Powell, who played Evelina, having 
 become, from the number of representations, 
 heartily tired and weared with the charac- 
 ter, one evening, on returning from the the- 
 atre, walked listlessly into a drawingroom, 
 and, throwing herself into a seat, exclaimed, 
 " Oh, this ghost; this ghost! Heavens! how 
 the ghost torments me !" " Ma'am ?" uttered 
 £ tremulous voice, from the other side of the 
 table. Mis. Powell looked up hastil}'. "Sir!" 
 she reiterated in nearly the same tone, as 
 she encountered the pale countenance of 
 a very sober-looking gentleman opposite. 
 " What — what was it you said, madam ?" 
 " Really, sir," replied the astonished actress, 
 
 •'I have not the pleasure of Why, good 
 
 Heavens! what have they been about in the 
 room ?" " Madam I" contmued the gentle- 
 man, "the room is mine, and I wiU thank 
 
 you to explain " "Yours!" screamed 
 
 Mrs. Powell ; " surely, sir, this is No. 1 ?" 
 " No, indeed, madam," he replied ; " this is 
 No. 2 ; and really your language is so very 
 
 extraordinary, that " Mrs. Powell, 
 
 amidst her confusion, could scarcely refram 
 from laughtez-. "Ten thousand pardons!" 
 she said. " The coachman must have mis- 
 taken the house. 1 am Mrs. Powell, of 
 Drury-Lane, and have just come from per- 
 forming the 'Castle Spectre.' Fatigue and 
 absence of mind have made me an uncon- 
 scious intruder. I lodge next door, and I 
 hope you will excuse the unintentional alarm 
 I have occasioned you." It is almost need- 
 less to add that the gentleman was much re- 
 lieved by this rational explanation, and par- 
 ticipated in the mirth of his nocturnal visitor, 
 as be politely escorted her tc the street-door. 
 " Good night,'' said the still laughing actress ; 
 "and I hope, sir, in future, I shall pay more 
 attention to number one." 
 
 BETTING. 
 
 The folly of betting is well satirized in one 
 of Walpole's Letters :— " Sept. 1st, 1750,— 
 They have put in the papers a good story 
 made at White's. A man dropped down 
 dead at the door, and was carried in; the 
 club immediately made bets whether he was 
 dead or not, and when they were going to 
 bleed him, the wagerers for his death inter- 
 posed, and said it would affect the fairness of 
 the bet." 
 
 THE king's CHAMPION, 
 
 A ludicrous circumstance occurred at the 
 coronation of William and Mary. Charles 
 Dymock, Esq., who then exercised his right 
 (Champion), cast his gauntlet in the usual 
 form, and the challenge was proclaimed, 
 when an old woman, who had entered the 
 Hall on crutches, took it up and quitted the 
 spot with extraordinary agility, leaving her 
 crutches, and a glove, with a challenge in it, 
 to meet the Champion, next day. at Hvde 
 Park. Accordingly, the old woman — or, as 
 is generally supposed, a good swordsman in 
 disguise — attended at the hour and place 
 named ; but the Champion did not make his 
 appearance; nor is it recorded whether any 
 measures were taken to discover who had 
 passed so disloyal a joke. 
 
 THE WITNESS AWAKE. 
 
 One night the Protector (Cromwell) went 
 privately to Thurloe's chambers, and had 
 proceeded to some lengths in disclosing an 
 aftair of the utmost secresy and importance, 
 when, for the first time, he perceived a clerk 
 asleep at his desk. This person was Mr. 
 Morland (afterwards Sir Samuel Morland), 
 the famous mechanist, not unknown as a 
 statesman, and at whose house in Lambeth 
 Charles IL passed the first night of his resto- 
 ration. Cromwell, apprehensive that his 
 conversation had been overheard, drew his 
 dagger, and would have despatched the 
 slumberer on the spot, had not Thurloe, with 
 some difficulty, prevented him ; assuring him 
 that his intended victim was unquestionably 
 asleep, since, to his own knowledge, he had 
 been sitting up two nights together. The 
 nature of the secret interview between Crom- 
 well and Thurloa subsequently transpired, 
 and was no less than a design to inveigle 
 Charles II., then an exile at Bruges, and his 
 younger brothers, the Dukes of York and 
 Gloucester, into the Protector's power. It 
 had been treacherously intimated to them, 
 through the agency of Sir Richard Willis, 
 that if, on a stated ilay, they would laud on 
 the coast of Sussex, they would be received 
 by a body of five hundred men, which 
 would be augmented the following morning 
 by two thousand horse. Had they fallen 
 into the snare, it seems that all three would 
 have been shot immediately on reacbmg the 
 shore. Morland, however had not been 
 asleep, as was supposed by Thurloe and 
 Cromwell ; and, through his means, the 
 King and his brothers were made acquainted 
 with the design against their lives.
 
 BAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK 
 
 .45 
 
 COOKERY AND CONCENTRATION. 
 
 The Prince de Soubise, having announced 
 to his cook his intentiou to give a supper, 
 demanded a minu. The cook presented him- 
 self with his estimate, the first item in which 
 that struck the Prince was fifty hams. " Kh, 
 •what!" said he, "you must be out of your 
 senses ; are you going to feast my whole re- 
 giment?" "No, monseigneur; one only will 
 appear upon the table; tlie rest are not the 
 less necessary for my espagno/e, my blonds 
 
 my garnitures, my ." "iiertrand, you 
 
 arc plundering me, and this article shall not 
 pass." "Oh, my Lord," replied the indignant 
 artist, "you do not understand our resources. 
 Give me the woi-d, and these fifty hams, 
 which confound /ou, I will put into a glass 
 bottle no bigger than my thumb." What 
 answer could be made ? The Prince nodded, 
 and the article passed. 
 
 LATE DISCOVERT. 
 
 y Lord Dalmeny, son of the Earl of Rose- 
 
 bery, married, about eighty years ago, a 
 widow, at Bath, for her beaut}'. They went 
 abroad ; she sickened, and, on her death- bed, 
 requested that she might be interred in some 
 particular churchj'ard, either in Sussex or 
 Suffolk. The body was embalmed ; but at 
 the custom-house in the port where it was 
 ianded, the officer suspected smuggling, and 
 insisted on opening it. They then recognised 
 the features of the wife of their own clergy- 
 man, who, having been married to him 
 against her own inclination, had eloped. 
 Both husbands followed the body to the 
 grave. 
 
 RR'AL BASS SINGERS. 
 
 Some seventy years ago, as the late Sir W. 
 W. Wynn (grandfather to the present Ba- 
 ronet) was riding m the neighbourhood of 
 Wrexham, he heard a man sing in a cooper's 
 woikshop, with whose voice he was very 
 much struck. It was Mr. Meredith, who 
 possessed a splendid bass voice. Sir Watkin 
 had him instructed, and he became cele- 
 brated as a singer of sacred music : he was 
 engaged at the Ancient CoiiCcrts, Oratorios, 
 &c., but he resided chiefly at Liverpool. The 
 following anecdote is told of him ; — Having 
 heard that a parish-clerk of a village in the 
 Vale of Clywd, of the name of Griifiths, 
 could sing down to double C, he was deter- 
 mined to visit him. He accordingly started, 
 and walked about fortj' miles. When he 
 arrived in the village, he inquired for 
 Grifiiths. A verj- little fellow, digging po- 
 tatoes in a garden, was pointed out to him. 
 "What!" thought Meredith, "that shnmp 
 of a thing to sing lower than I can? Im- 
 possible!" Meredith was a fine tall man, 
 upwards of six feet high. He walked around 
 ' the garden, eyeing poor Griflitiis disdain- 
 fully i at length, he said, upon low G, " Good 
 day to you, sir." Griffiths, resting on his 
 sjiade, replied, on double low (five notes 
 lower), '' Good dny to you, sir." Upon 
 / which Meredith marched ofl', with double C 
 ringing in his ear, all the way to Liverpool. 
 
 JfADEIEA WINE. 
 
 Some people are very proud of their wine, 
 and court your approbation by incessant 
 questions. One of a party being invited by 
 Sir Thomas Grouts to a second glass of his 
 " old East India," he replied, " One was a 
 dose — had rather not double the Cape ;" and, 
 at the first glass of champagne, he inquired 
 whether there had been a plentiful supply of 
 gooseberries last year. 
 
 THE PICKWaCK PAPERS. 
 
 Mr. Davy, -^lio accompanied Colonel Chest- 
 ney up the Euphrates, has recently been in 
 the service of Mehemet Ali Pacha. "Pick- 
 wick " happening to reach Davy while he 
 was at Damascus, he read a part of it to the 
 Pacha, who was so delighted with it, that 
 Davy was, on one occasion, summoned to 
 him in the middle of the night, to finish the 
 reading of some part in which they had been 
 interrupted. Mr. Davy read, in Egj'pt, upon 
 another occasion, some passages from these 
 unrivalled papers to a blind Englishman, 
 who was in such ecstacy with what he heard, 
 that he exclaimed he was almost thankful 
 he could not see he was in a foreign country, 
 for that, while he listened, he felt completely 
 as though he were again in England. 
 
 LORD ELLENBOROUGH's PO^VEES OF 
 RIDICULE. 
 
 " He had no mean power of ridicule — as 
 plaj-ful as a mind more strong than refined 
 could make it ; while of sarcasm he was an 
 eminent professor, but of the kind which 
 hacks, and tears, and flays its victims, rather 
 than destroj-s by cutting keenly. His inter- 
 rogative exclamation in Lord Melville's case, 
 when the 7)arty's ignorance of haviiig taken 
 accommodation out of the public fund was 
 alleged — indeed, was proved — may be remem- 
 bered as verj' picturesque, though, perhaps, 
 more pungent than dignified. ' Not know 
 money? Did he see it when it glittered? 
 Did he hear it when it chinked?' On the 
 Bench, he had the very well-known, though 
 not very eloquent, Henry Hunt before him, 
 who, in mitigation of some expected sentence, 
 spoke of some one who ' complained of his 
 dangerous eloquence.' ' They do you great 
 injustice, sir,' said the considerate and mer- 
 cilul Chief .lust ice, kindly waijting to relieve 
 him from all anxiety on this charge. After 
 lie had been listening to two conveyancers 
 for a whole day of a long and most technical 
 argument, in silence, and with a wholesome 
 fear of lengthening it by any interruption 
 whatever, one of them, in reply to a remark 
 from anotker judge, said: 'If it is the plea- 
 sure of your Lordship that 1 should go into 
 that matter.' 'We, sir,' said the Chief 
 Justice, 'have no pleasure in it any way.' 
 When a favourite special pleader was making 
 an excursion, somewhat unexpected by his 
 hearers, as unwonted in him, into a pathetic 
 topic — ' An"t we, sir, rather getting into 
 the high sentimental latitudes now ?' "' — Lord 
 Brougham. 
 
 K
 
 44 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 LORD ST. >n«fCENT S ENTRY INTO THE NAV\', 
 KELATED BY HIMSELF. 
 
 " I was born at Meaford, in Staffordsliire, 
 on the 9th of Janvar}', 1734, old stj'le. My 
 father was counsel and solicitor to the Ad- 
 miralt}', and treasurer of Greenwich Hospital. 
 At a very early age I was sent to a gram- 
 mar-school at Burton-upon -Trent, -where I 
 remained long enough to be considered a very 
 capital Latin and Greek scholar for my years ; 
 and I was often selected by the master to 
 show what proficiency bis boys had attained. 
 At the same time I frankly own to you that 
 J know verj' little about the matter now. 
 At the age of twelve j-ears I was removed to 
 a school at Greenwich, kept by a Mr. Swin- 
 ton, and where I was to have remained until 
 fitted for college, being destined for the law. 
 This favourite plan of my father's was, how- 
 ever, frustrated by his own coachman, whose 
 name I have now forgotten. I only remem- 
 ber that I gained his confidence, always sit- 
 ting by his side on the coach-box when we 
 drove out. He often asked what profession 
 I intended to choose. I told him I was to 
 be a lawyer. ' O, don't be a lawyer. Master 
 Jackey,' said the old man ; ' all lawyers are 
 rogues.' About this time young Strachan 
 (father of the late Admiral Sir Eichard 
 Strachan, and a son of Dr. Strachan, who 
 lived at Greenwich) came to the same school, 
 and we became great friends. He told me 
 such stories of the happiness of a sea life, 
 into which he had lately been initiated, that 
 lie easily persuaded me to quit the school 
 and go with him. We set out accordingly, 
 and concealed ourselves on board of a ship at 
 Woolwich. My father was at that time 
 absent on the Northern Circuit. My mother 
 and sisters were in a state of distraction at 
 learning our absence from school, fearing 
 that some disaster had happenf-d to us. But, 
 after keeping thei^ for three days in the ut- 
 most anxiety, ana suffering ourselves much 
 privation and misery, we thought it best to 
 return home. I went in at night and made 
 myself known to my sisters, who remon- 
 strated with me rather warmly on the impro- 
 priety of my conduct, and assured me that 
 Mr. Swinton would chastise me severely for 
 it ; to which I replied that he certainly would 
 not, for that I did not intend to go to school 
 any more, and that I v^as resolved to be a sailor. 
 The next day my mother spoke to me on the 
 subject, and I still repeated that I would be 
 a sailor. This threw her into much per- 
 plexity, and, in the absence of her husband, 
 she made known her grief, in a flood of tears, 
 to Lady Archibald Hamilton, mother of the 
 late Sir William Hamilton, and wife of the 
 Governor of Greenwich Hospital. Her lady- 
 ship said she did not see the matter in the 
 same light as my mother did, that she thought 
 the sea a very honourable and a very good 
 profession, and said she would undertake to 
 procure me a situation in some ship-of-war. 
 in the mean time my mother sent for her 
 brother, Mr. John Parker, who, on being . 
 made acquainted with my determination, ex- ' 
 
 postulated with me, but to no purpose. I 
 was resolved I would not be a ]a\vyer, and 
 that I would be a sailor. Shortly afterwards 
 Lady Archibald Hamilton introduced me to 
 Lady Burlington, and she to Commodore 
 Townshend, who was at that time going out 
 in the Gloucester, as Commander-in-Chief, 
 to Jamaica. She requested that he would 
 take me on his quarter-deck, to which the 
 commodore readily consented; and I was 
 forthwith to be prepared for a sea life. My 
 equipment w;is what would now be called 
 rather grotesque. My coat was made forme 
 to grow up to; it reached down to my heels, 
 and was full large in the sleeves ; I had a 
 dirk, and a gold-laced hat ; and in this cos- 
 tume my uncle caused me to be introduced 
 to my patroness. Lady Burlington. Here I 
 acquitted myself but badly. I lagged behind 
 my uncle, and held by the skirt of his coat. 
 Her ladyship, however, insisted on my coming 
 forward, shook hands with me, and told mh 
 I had chosen a very honourable profession. 
 She then finve Mr. Parker a note to Commo- 
 dore George Townshend, who lived in one of 
 the small houses in Charles- street, Berkeley- 
 square, desiring that we should call there 
 erirly the next morning. This we did; and, 
 after waiting some time, the commodore 
 made his appearance in his night-cap and 
 slippers, and in a verj' rough and uncouth 
 voice asked me how soon I would be ready 
 to join my ship? I replied 'directly.' 
 ' Then j'ou may go to-morrow morning,' 
 said he, ' and I will give you a letter to the 
 first- lieutenant' My uncle, Mr. Parker, 
 however, replied that I could not be ready 
 quite so soon, and we quitted the commodore. 
 In a few days after this we set off, and my 
 uncle took me to Mr. Blanchard, the master- 
 attendant or the boatswain of the dock-j^ard, 
 I forget which, and by him I was taken on 
 board the hulk or receiving-ship the next 
 morning, the Gloucester being in dock at the 
 time. This was in the year 1748. As soon 
 as the ship was ready for sea we proceeded 
 to Jamaica, and as I was always fond of an 
 active -life, I volunteered to go into small 
 vessels, and saw a good deal of what was 
 going on. My father had a very large 
 family, with limited means. He gave me 
 twenty pounds at starting, and that was all 
 he ever gave me. After I had been a consi- 
 derable time at the station, I drew for twenty 
 more, but the bill came back protested. I 
 was mortified at this rebuke, and made a 
 promise, which I have ever kept, that I 
 would never draw another bill without a cer- 
 tainty of its being paid. I immediately 
 changed my mode of living, quitted my mess, 
 lived alone, and took up the ship's allowance, 
 which I found to be quite suflncient ; washed 
 and mended my own clothes, made a pair 
 of trousers out of the ticking of my bed, 
 and, having bv these means saved as much 
 money as would redeem my honour, I took 
 up my bill ; and from that time to this (he 
 said this with great energy) I have taken 
 care to keep within my means." What an
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 45 
 
 instructive lesson is here affordi^d to a 
 friendless youth who, like the one in ques- 
 tion, may find himself among his shipmates 
 destitute of those pecuniary resources en- 
 ^ joyed by them! What encouragement 
 
 ' ought he not to feel when he reflects that 
 
 the writer of this unaffected story, solely by 
 ^ his own exertions and good conduct, rose to 
 
 the highest honours in the profession, be- 
 came Admiral of the Fleet, General of Ma- 
 rines, First Lord Commissioner of the Admi- 
 ralty, Grand Cross of the Bath, a Privy 
 Councillor, and an English Earl ! Such was 
 the progress of John Jervis, who had fur his 
 patrimony £20, and coopered his second pair 
 of breeches out of the ticking of his ham- 
 mock. Let no young man, therefore, who 
 enters the navy as midshipman, despond; 
 though he may occasioniilly have the morti- 
 fication to see that favours are confen-ed 
 where not earned. It was thus that Pellew 
 (Lord Exmouth), who was, when a mid- 
 shipman, sent out of his ship by an unfeeling 
 captain, and left pennyless in the streets of 
 Marseilles, arrived at the top of his profes- 
 sion, and obtained an English Peeraue. It 
 was thus that Anson, without interest or 
 favour, did the same — and a long list might 
 be added. 
 
 DUTCH NEWS. 
 
 ^ The proprietor of a Leicester newspaper 
 
 \ relates that, on the evening before one of his 
 publications, his men and a boy were fro- 
 licking in the printing-oflice, and overturned 
 two or three columns of the paper set in tj'pe. 
 Now, the chief point was to get ready, in 
 some way, for the Nottingham and Derby 
 coaches, which, at four o'clock in the morn- 
 ing, required 400 or 500 papers. After ever}* 
 exertion, the cumposilors were short nearly 
 a column ; but there stood in the printing- 
 office a tempting column of pie. Now, un- 
 lettered reader, mark — pie is a jumble of odd 
 letters, gathered from the lloor, &c., of the 
 office, but set on end, in any order, to be dis- 
 tributed at leisure in their proper places. 
 Some letters are topsy-turvy— often tea or 
 twelve consonants come together, and then 
 as many vowels, with as wliimsical a juxta- 
 position of stiips. The printer suddenly be- 
 thought him that this might be called Dutch ; 
 and after writing a head " Dutch Mail," he 
 subjoined a statement that, "just as our 
 paper was going to press, the Dutch Mail 
 arrived ; but, as we have no time to make a 
 translation, we have inserted its intelligence 
 in the original." The proprietor then over- 
 came the scruples of his overseer, the pie was 
 made up to the extent waiited, and off it 
 ■went as nr'ujinal Dutch, into Derbyshire and 
 Nottinghamshire! In a few hours, other 
 matter, in plain English, supplied its place; 
 but the Dutch column brought many letters 
 from linguists, schoolmasters, high-bred vil- 
 lage politicians, and corre-pondents of the 
 Ladies' Diary, who had set their wits to 
 ■work, to trajislate the editor's High Dutch ! 
 How the liolUndcrs could read it, was in- 
 compvehcusiiiii.-! 
 
 A DILEMMA. 
 
 Poor Jemmy Brandon, of box-office me- 
 mory, seeing a creditor nearing the theatre, 
 v/ent out to the door, for the purpose of being 
 accoi-ted by him, and, to the man's inquiry, 
 " Pray, is Mr. Brandon at home?" Jemmy, 
 well aware his person was not known by him, 
 unhesitatingly replied, " No sir, he is not.'' 
 In a few minutes afterwards, Mr. Harris sent 
 for Brandon, and sa} ing, " Now, Jem, what 
 would you advise us to say to the public? " 
 Brandon, after a very short reflection, and. 
 passing his hand over his face, to denote his 
 having come to a conclusion — notwithstand- 
 ing that his whole life had, of r.ecessity, been 
 passed in the practice — deliberately said, 
 " Suppose for once, we tell 'em a lie ! " 
 
 THE RULING PASSION. 
 
 Garci Sanchez de Badajn-.:, when he was 
 at the point of death, desire i that he might 
 be dressed in the habit of St. Francis ; this 
 was accordingly done, and over the Francis- 
 can frock was put his habit of Santiago, for 
 he was a knight of that order. Looking at 
 himself in his double attire, he said : '■ The 
 Lord will say to me presently, ' My friend, 
 Garci Sanchez, you come very well wrapt up' 
 (jimtj arropado) ; and I shall reply, ' Lord, 
 it is no wonder, for it was winter when I set 
 off.' " 
 
 Don Kodrigo Calderon wore a Franciscan 
 habit at his execution, as an outward and 
 visible sign of penitence and humiliation; 
 as he ascended the scaffold, he lifted the 
 skirts of the habit with such an air, that his 
 attendant confessor thought it necessary to 
 reprove him for such ill-timed regard to his 
 appearance. Don Kodrigo excused himself ' 
 by saying that he had all his hfetirae carried 
 himself gracefully. 
 
 QUEEN \aCTORIA AND THE PARROT. 
 
 A bird-fancier, living in the neighbour- 
 hood of the Great Western Railway terminus 
 in Bristol, 1 itelj' reared a parrotof uncommon 
 beauty, and, ni'-.reover, of a disposition to 
 talk. Poll was duly instructed, and her 
 teacher was so much pleased with Poll's pro- 
 gress that he determined to present her at 
 Court, and she was accordingly started upon 
 the journey. Poll, upon her arrival, was 
 somewhat abashed at the new scene of 
 splendour in which she found herself', and 
 exhibited an unwonted uncouthness and 
 would not speak to any one. At length, 
 howerer, she was introduced to Queen Vic- 
 toria, who. struck with the beautiful plumage 
 and fine symmetry of the ne^sly-arrived 
 guest, entered with gn'ut condescension into 
 conversation with her. Poll's shyness wore 
 off, and before the Queen left her, she said, 
 "If you don't send tweu'y pounds I'll go 
 back." The Queen inquired to whom she 
 was indebted for this new acquisition to her 
 aviary, ascertained the circumstances con- 
 nected with the affair, and gave orders for 
 the transmission of £20 to the rearer of Poll, 
 which sum was accordingly paid.
 
 46 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 ■ TOWERS. 
 
 V An Oxford student joined, without invi- 
 
 tati^n, a party dining at an inn. After 
 dinner he boasted so much of his abilities, 
 tiiat one of the party said, " You have told 
 us ennugh of what you can do, tell us some- 
 thing you cannot do." " 'Faith," said he, 
 "I cannot pay my share of the reckoning." 
 
 TRAGEDY MS. 
 
 A humourous fellow, seeing a parcel lying 
 on the table in the entrance-hail of Druij'- 
 lahe Theatre, one side of which, from its 
 having travelled to town by the side of some 
 game, was smeared with blood, ob^erved, 
 " That parcel contains a manuscript tra- 
 gedy." And on being asked wh}', replied, 
 " Because the fifth act is peeping out at one 
 comer of it." 
 
 THE TWO SMITHS. 
 
 1/ There were once, in the Liverpool theatre, 
 '^ two Mr. Smiths, one a serious, the other a 
 lively act or, who, to distinguish himself 
 from his nimesake, always had the initial 
 of his sponsorinl John attached to his pa- 
 tronymic, in the play-bille. The grave actor 
 falling ill, a wag wrote up in the green- 
 room — 
 
 " If tragedy Smith should chance to die, 
 Then comedy Smith will lose his I." 
 
 A CI-r-SE ESCAPE. 
 
 One of Jarres Smith's favourite anecdotes 
 relatpd to Colonel Greville. The Colon- 1 re- 
 quested young James to call at his lodgings, 
 and in the course of their first interview re- 
 lated the particulars of the most curious cir- 
 cumstance in his life. He was taktn pi is- ner 
 during the American war, along with three 
 other officers of the same rank ; one evening 
 they were summoned into the presence of 
 Washington, who announced to them that 
 the conduct of their Government, in con- 
 demning one of his officers to death, as a 
 rebel, compelled him to make reprisals; and 
 that, much to his regret, he was under the 
 necessity of requiring thtm to cast lots, with- 
 out delay, to decide which of them should be 
 hanged. They were then bowed out, and 
 returned to their quarters. P"our slips of 
 paper were put into a hat, and the shortest 
 was drawn by Captain Asgill, who exclaimed, 
 " I knew how it would be ; I never won so 
 much as a hit at backgammon in my life." 
 As Greville told the story, he was selected to 
 sit up with Captain Asgill, under the pretext 
 of companiiinship ; but in reality to prevent 
 him from escaping, and leaving the honour 
 amongst the remainii g three. "And what," 
 inquired Smith, "did you saA' to comfort 
 him?" " Why, I remember saying to him, 
 when they left us, ' L) — ii it, old felloiv, never 
 mind;'" but it may be doubted (added Smith) 
 whether he drew much comfort from the ex- 
 hortation. Lady Asgill persuaded the French 
 Minister to interpose, and the Captain was 
 permitted to escape. 
 
 STORY OF A CAVALIER. >- 
 
 Dr. Michael Hudson, after a variety of 
 romantic adventures and chivalrous attempts 
 in the Koyal cause, and escaping from two 
 or three prisons (one of them the Tower of 
 London), headed in May, 1G48, an insurrec- 
 tion in Lincolnthire, against the Parliament, 
 but being defeated, retired lo a fortified man- 
 sion, called Woodcroft House, which was be- 
 sieged and taken on the Gth June. " Hud- 
 son," says A. Wood, " with some of his cou- 
 rageous soldiers, went up to the battlements 
 thereof, where they defended themselves for 
 some time. At length, upon promise of quar- 
 ter, thev yiel'tetl, but when the rebels got in 
 amongst them they denied to make it good. 
 Whereupon Hud>on being thrown over the 
 battlements, caught hold of a spout or out- 
 stone, and there hung, but his hands being 
 beat or cut off, he fell into the moat under- 
 neath, much wounded, and desired to come 
 on shore to die there. Whereupon one Eg-* 
 borough (servant to Mr. Spinks, the intruder 
 into the parsonage of Curtan), knocked him 
 on the head with the butt end of his musket, 
 which being done, one Walker, a chandler or 
 grocer, in Stamford, cut out his tongue, and 
 caiTied it about the country for a trophy. 
 His body for the present was denied burial ; 
 yet, after the enemy left the place, he was by 
 some Christians committed to the earth," 
 
 LUDICROUS BLtJNDERS. 
 
 Gen6i-al knowledge is unquestionably ne- 
 cessary for the lawyer. Ludicrous mistakes 
 have frequently occurred through the de- 
 ficiences of some of them in this respect. 
 We have heard an anecdote somewhere of aa 
 eminent barrister examining a ■\ntness in a 
 trial, the subject of which was a ship. He 
 asked, amongst other questions, "Where the 
 ship was at a particular time ? " " Oh ! " re- 
 plied the witness, " the ship was then in 
 quarantine." " In Quarantine, was she ? 
 And pray, sir, zi7i«e is Quarantine?" Ano- 
 ther instance, given by Mr. Chitty, of the 
 value of general knowledge to the lawyer, is 
 worth citing. It is well known that a judge 
 was so entirely ignorant of insurance causes, 
 that,'5ifter having been occupied for six hours 
 in tr} ing an action on " a policy of insurance 
 upon goods ( Ku.ssia duck) from Russia, he, 
 in his address to the jury, complained that 
 no evidence had been given to show how 
 Russia ducks (nli.^taking the cloth of that 
 name for the biid) could be damaged by sea 
 water, and to what extent!" 
 
 An anecdote has been told of a learned 
 barrister once quoting some Latin verses to a 
 brother "wig," who did not appear to un- 
 dHstaiid them. " Don't you know the lines," 
 said he; "they are in Martial." "Marshall," 
 replied his friend, "Marshall — oh! 1 know — 
 the Marshall who wrote on underwriting." 
 When this anecdote was related to a certain 
 judge of the Court of Review, he is reported 
 to have said, " Why, after all, there is not 
 much diffi;rence between an underwriter and 
 a minor poet .' "
 
 IIAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 47, 
 
 FUrDING A 8ETTLBK. 
 
 w- A settler in New South Wales was missing 
 '^ from nis small farm. His convict overseer 
 *^ gave out that he had gone off privately to Eng- 
 land, and left the property in his care. This 
 was thought extraordinary, as the settler 
 was not in difficulties, and was a steady, pru- 
 I dent man ; the affair, however, was almost 
 
 forgotten, when, one Saturday night, another 
 settler was returning with his horse and cart 
 from market. On arriving at a part of the 
 fence on the road side, near the farm of his 
 absent neighbour, he thought he saw him 
 sitting on the fence ; immediately the farmer 
 pulled up his mare, hailed his friend, and re- 
 ceiving no answer, got out of the cart, and 
 went towards the fence. His neighbour (as 
 he plainly appeared to be) quitted the fence, 
 and crossed the field towards a pond in the 
 direction of his home, which it was supposed 
 he had deserted. The fanner thought it 
 strange, remounted his cart, and proceeded 
 home. The next morning he went to his 
 neighbour's cottage, expecting to see him, 
 but saw only the overseer, who laughed at 
 the store, and said that his master was by 
 th^t tinie near the shores of England. The 
 circumstance was so inexplicable that the 
 farmer went to the nearest justice of the 
 peace, related the preceding circumstances 
 and added that he feared foul play had taken 
 place. A native black, who was attached to 
 the station as a constable, was sent with some 
 of the mounted police, and accompanied the 
 farmer to the rails where the latter thought 
 he saw, the evening before, his deceased 
 friend. The spot was pointed out to the 
 bl.ick, wit out showing him the direction 
 which the lost person apparently took after 
 quitting the fence. On close inspection, a 
 part of the upper rail was observed to be 
 discoloured ; it was scraped with a knife by 
 the black, who next smelt at it, and tasted it. 
 Immediately after he crossed the fence, and 
 took a stright direction for the pond near the 
 cottage i on its surface was a scum, which he 
 took up in a leaf, and, after tasting and 
 smelling, he declared it to be " white man's 
 fat" Several times, somewhat after the 
 manner of a blood-hound, he coursed round 
 the lake ; at last he darted into the neigh- 
 bouring thicket, and halted at a place con- 
 taining some loose and decayed brushwood. 
 On reiiiovmg this, he thrust down the ram- 
 rod of his musket into the earth, smelt at it, 
 and then desired the spectators lo dig there. 
 Instantly spades were brought from the cot- 
 tage, and the body of the settler was found, 
 with his skull fractured, and presenting every 
 mdication of having been for some time im- 
 mersed in water. The overseer, who was in 
 possession of the property of the deceaeed, 
 and who had invented the story of his de- 
 parture for England, was committed to gaol, 
 and tried for murder. The foregoing circum- 
 stantial evidence fonned the main proofs. 
 He was found guilty, sentenced to death, and 
 proceeded to the scaflFold protesting his inno- 
 cence. Here, however, his hardihood forsook 
 
 him ; he acknowledged the murder of his Iat3 
 master; that became behind (.im when he 
 was crossing the identical rail on which the 
 farmer fancied he saw the deceased, and, 
 with one blow on the head, killed him — drag- 
 ged the body to the pond, and threw it in; 
 but, after some days, took it out again, and 
 buried it where it was found. 'I he sagacity 
 of the native black was remarkable ; but the 
 unaccountable manner in which the murder 
 was discovered is one of the inscrutable dia- 
 pensation." of Providence. 
 
 ARTIFICIAL MEJIORY. 
 
 A humorous comment on this system was 
 made by a waiter at an hotel where Feinai- 
 gle dined, after having given his lecture oa 
 artificial memory. A few minutes afier the 
 Professor left the table, the waiter entered, 
 with uplifted hands and ej'es, exclaiming, 
 " Well, I protest the memory-man has for- ^ 
 gotten his umbrella !" 
 
 AN EXCEPTrON 
 
 " Will you dine with me to-morrow, Mr. 
 
 ? " asked one Irishman of another. 
 
 " 'Faith, and I will, with ail my heart." 
 " Remember, 'tis only a family dinner I'm 
 aikin' you to." " And what for not — a 
 family dinner is a mighty pleasant thing. 
 What have you got?" " t'cli, nothing un- 
 common ! an elegant piece of corn beet and 
 potatoes " " By the powers, that beats the 
 world ! jist my dinner to au hair — barrhig V 
 the beef. '" ^ 
 
 ORIGIN OF POST-PAID EN\'ELOPES. 
 
 M. Piron tells us that the idea of a post- V 
 paid envelope originated early in the reiga .-^~ 
 of Louis XIV., with M. de Valeyer ; who, in. 
 1653, established (with Royal approbation) 
 a private penny-post, placing boxes at the 
 corners of the streets for the reception of let- 
 teis wrapped up in envelopes, which were to 
 be bought at offices established for that pur- 
 pose. M. de Velayer had also caused to be 
 printed certain forms of billets, or notes, ap- 
 plicable to the ordinary business among the 
 inhabitants of great towns, with blanks, 
 which were to be filled up by the pen with 
 such special matter as might complete the 
 writer's object. One of these bilUts has been 
 preserved to our times by a pleasant inisap- 
 pliiation of it. Pdlisson (Mdme. de Sevignc's 
 friend, and the object of :he bon mot that 
 " he abused the privilege which men have of 
 being ugly") was amused at this kind of 
 skeleton correspondence ; and, utider the af- 
 fected name of Fisandre (according to the 
 pedantic fashion of the day), he tilled up and 
 addressed one of these forms to the celebrated 
 Mademoiselle de Scuderi, in her pscuthni/me 
 of Sapfilio. This strange billet-doux has 
 happened, from the celebrity of the parties, 
 to be preserved, and it is still extant ; cue of 
 the oldest, we presume, of penny-post letters, 
 and a curious example of a ;jre-payiiig enve- 
 lope, a new proof of the adage, that " there 
 is nothing new under the sun.'/
 
 48 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 AMERICAN SfMlLES. 
 
 When the celebrated Colonel David Crocket 
 first saw a locomotive, with the train smok- 
 ing along the railway, he exclaimed as it 
 flew past, "Hell in harness, by the 'tarnel!" 
 Nothing surprised the Indians so much at 
 first as the percussion-caps for guns; they 
 thought them the ne plus ultra of invention ; 
 when, therefore, an Indian was first shov.n a 
 locomotive, iie reflected a little while, and 
 then said, " I see — Percussion." 
 
 IDEAS OF COMFORT. 
 
 Some people's notions of comfort differ 
 from those of others. Mr. Mathews once 
 went over Warwick Gaol, and when he came 
 to " the place of execution," he observed to 
 the gaoler, that, considering the extent of 
 the county, and the number of executions 
 which might take place, the drop struck him 
 as being very small. "I don't know," said 
 the man ; " to be zure, six 'ouid be crowded, 
 but foive 'ould hang very comfortable !" 
 
 THE TWO SMITHS. 
 
 A gentleman, with the same Christian 
 and surname, took lodgings in the same 
 house with James Smith. The consequence 
 was, eteiTial confusion of calls and letters. 
 Indeed, the postman had no alternative but 
 to share the letters equally between the two. 
 " This is intolerable, sir," said our friend, "and 
 j'ou must quit." " Why am I to quit more 
 than you ? " " Because you are James the 
 Second — and must abdicate." 
 
 KUBFNS AND THE LION. 
 
 It is related that Rubens caused a remark- 
 ably fine and powerful lion to be brought to 
 his house, in order to study him in every va- 
 riety of attitude. One day, Rubens observ- 
 ing the lion yawn, was so pleased with this 
 action that he wished to paint it, and he de- 
 sired the keeper to tickle tin anim;il under 
 the chin, to make him repeatedly open his 
 jaws ; at length the lion became savage at 
 this treatment, and cast such furious glances 
 at his keeper, that Rubens attended to his 
 warning, and had the lion removed. The 
 keeper is said to have been torn to pieces by 
 the lion shortly afterwards ; apparently, he 
 had never forgotten the aftront. 
 
 FEENCir I'LjVY-BILLS. 
 
 There are certain stations on columns or 
 buildings in various parts of Paris, on which 
 the bills of all the theatres rre posted daily, 
 and where the public look regularly for them. 
 Should there be no performance at night, the 
 word relache is, in large type, conspicuous 
 on the bills. This sometimes appears on two 
 or three play-bills. It Mas once remarked, 
 knowingly, to old Barnes, the Pantaloon, 
 that there was a very popular piece being 
 acted at the time, for it was performed st 
 three different theatres, and was called " Re- 
 lache." He was advised, if it was printed, to 
 ouy it, <uid send it over to Mr. Aloucriefi to 
 translate for tlie Coburg Theatre. 
 
 TEMPERAJJCE PREAOHKKS. 
 
 One sore scindal early impeded the Mode- 
 ration Societies. Their professional advo- 
 cates were, of course, exposed to all the 
 peculiar temptations incident to their wan- 
 dering mode of life, and were alternately 
 goaded and puffed up b3' their one restric- 
 tion. The result was, that some of them de- 
 monstrated their zeal against ardent spirits 
 by a liberal use of fermented liquor. One of 
 them was interrupted in the midst of his 
 public harangue by a zetiious teetotaler, who 
 exclaimed, " I think the meeting ought to 
 be informed that the gentleman who is now 
 speaking has, to m}' certain knowledge, had 
 sixteen glasses of ale this very morning." 
 
 napoleon's willow. 
 Napoleon's willow is a variety of the com- 
 mon weeping willow. It appears that the 
 willow is not indigenous to tit. Helena ; but 
 thdt, when General Bcatson was governor 
 in that island, he introduced it among a 
 great number of other trees and shrubs (rom 
 England. He had the greatest difhculty in 
 preserving his plautitions from the nume- 
 rous goats which abounled in the island ; 
 j-et several of the trees survived, and attained 
 a timber-like size. Among these was the 
 tree of Salix Babylonica, which has fcince 
 been called NapuKon's willow. This tree 
 grew among other trees, on the side of a val- 
 ley near a spring ; and. having attracted the 
 notice of Napoleon, he had a seat placed 
 under it, and used to go and sit there verj' 
 frequently, and have water brought to him 
 from the adjoining fountain. About the time 
 of Napoleon's death, in 1821, a storm, it is 
 said, shattered the willow in pieces; and, 
 after the interment of the Emperor, Madame 
 Bertrand planted several cuttings of this tree 
 on the outside of the railings which stu'- 
 rounded his grave ; and plact d within it, on 
 the stone, several flower-pots, with hearts- 
 ease and forget-me-not. In 1828, we are 
 informed, these wdlows were found in a d}-- 
 ing state, and twenty-eight young ones were, 
 in consequence, placed near the tomb, which, 
 was at that time surrounded with a profusion 
 of scarlet-blossomed pelargoniums. A cor- 
 re,-p.inden% who was at St. Helena in 1831, 
 says one of the willows was then in a flourish- 
 ing condition; liut another, who was there 
 in 1835, describes it as going fast to decay,. 
 o\ing to the number of pieces carried away 
 by visitors. It what year a cutting of this 
 willow was brought to England for the first 
 time we have not been able to ascertain ; but 
 it appears probable that it may have been in 
 the year 1823, and that one of the oldest 
 plants is that in the garden of the Roebuck 
 tavein on Richmond Hill, which, as it ap- 
 pears by a white marble tablet affixed to it, 
 was taken from the tree in that year. Since 
 that period it has become fashionable to pos- 
 sess a plant of the true Napoleon's willow ; 
 and, in consequence, a great many cuttings 
 have been iini)orted, and a number of planta 
 sold by the Louden nu'-serymen.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 4.1 
 
 A HARD CASE. 
 
 y Among the reniarkable things noticed by 
 Si. Evelyn, in his " Jourual of his Tour in the 
 Netherlands," is the case of a woman who had 
 been married live and twenty times, and was 
 then prohibited from marrying again ; " 3-et 
 it could not be proved that she had ever made 
 any of her husbands away, though the suspi- 
 cion had brought her divers times to trouble." 
 
 HRLPS TO JIKJIORY. 
 
 Gillez de Retz, Marshal of France (said 
 y^ to be the veritable Blue Beard), was sen- 
 tenced to be led in chains to the place of 
 execution, and to be burnt alive at the stake. 
 The day appointed was the 23rd of October, 
 1440 — " a date," Siys the historian, " about 
 which there can be no doubt, for all the peo- 
 ple of Anion and Maine, by common consent, 
 whipped their children that morning, so as to 
 impress the precise date on their memory." 
 This strange mnemonic process is still a fa- 
 vourite with the peasants of A']jou and Brit- 
 tany. 
 
 IXDI.VN GHOST STORY. 
 
 There is a tale in the Nigaristan of Kemal- 
 Pascha-Zade, that one of the Sultans of Kho- 
 rassan saw, in a dream, Mahmoud, a hundred 
 years after his death, wandering about his 
 palace; his flesh rotten, his bones carious, 
 but his eyes fu'il, anxious, and restless. A 
 dervise, who interpreted the dream, said, that 
 the eyes of Mahmoud were thus troubled, 
 because the kingdom, his beautiful spouse, 
 was now in the embrace of another. This 
 ■was that great Mahmoud, the Ghizuevide, 
 who was the first Mohammedan conqueror 
 that entered India, and the first wlio dropt 
 the title f f Malek, and assumed tuat of Sul- 
 tan in its stead. He it was who, after hav- 
 ing broken to pieces, with his own hands, the 
 giirantic idol of Somnauth, put to death 
 50,000 of its worshippers, as a further proof 
 of his holy Mohammedan indignatinn. In 
 the last days of his life, when a mortal dis- 
 ease was consuming him, and he himself 
 knew that no human means could arrest its 
 course, he ordered all his costliest apparel, 
 and his vessels of silver and gold, and his 
 pearls and precio-js stones, the inestimable 
 spoils of the East, to be displayed btfore 
 him ; the latter were so numerous, that they 
 were arranged in separate cabinets, accord- 
 ing to their colour and size. It was in the 
 Eoyal residence which he had built for him- 
 self, in G>zeia, and which he called the Pa- 
 lace of Felicity, that he took from this dis- 
 play, wherewith hehad formerly gratified the 
 pride of his eye, a mournful lesson; and in 
 the then heartlelt conviction, that all is va- 
 nity, he wept like a child. " Whit toils," 
 said he, " what dangers, what fatigues of 
 body and mind, have 1 endured for the sake 
 of acquiring these treasures; and what cares 
 in preserving them ; and now I am about to 
 die and leave tUena!" In this same palace 
 he was interred; and there it was his un- 
 happy ghost, a century afterwards, was be- 
 lieved to linger. 
 
 A GOOD WLSII. y 
 
 Sir Walter Scott once gave an Irishman a '^ 
 shilling, when sixpence would have been suf- 
 ficient. " Remember, Pat," said Sir Walter, 
 " you owe me sixpence." " ilay your ho- 
 nour live till I pay you !" was the reply. 
 
 A POSEn. 
 
 Foote was once met by a friend in town X 
 with a young man who was flashing away 
 very brillianth', while Foote seemed grave : 
 — "' Why, Foote," said his friend, " you are 
 fiat to-day; you don't seem to relish tcit!" 
 " D — n it," said Foote, " you have not tried 
 me yet, su\" 
 
 S^VILOP.S. 
 
 Captain Basil Hall relates that he once 
 ! overheard the conversation of two of his 
 sailors in the streets of Valparaiso, who bad 
 1 only been a few days in the country". One 
 said to the other, '• What do you think of 
 these people ?" '' Why," replied his compa- 
 nion, with a look of thorough contempt. 
 " will you believe it ? the infernal fools call 
 a hat sombrero!" 
 
 THE TWO LEGS. 
 
 An inexperienced young bride being asked 
 by her cook to choose her dinners during the 
 honeymoon, was anxious that her ignorance 
 should not peep out. She called to mind one 
 dish, and one dish only, and that she knew 
 by name ; it was a safe one, and substantial 
 too — "a leg of mutton." So, several days 
 the log of nmtton came obedient to the mis- 
 tress's order. Perhaps, the cook was weary 
 of it ; at last she ventured to inquire, 
 " vShould you not like some other thing to- 
 day, ma'am ? " '■ Yes, let us have a leg of )C 
 beef, for change." 
 
 JAMES S3I1TH AXI> JUSTICE UOLKOYD. 
 
 Formerly, it was customary, on emer- 
 gencies, for the Judges to swear aflidavits at 
 their dwelling-houses. Smith was desired by 
 his father to attend a Judge's chambers fov 
 that purpose ; but being engaged to dine in 
 Eus.sell-square, at the next house to Mr. 
 Justice Ilolroj'd's, he thought he might as 
 well save himself the disagreeable necessity 
 of leaving the party at eight, by despatching 
 his business at once : so, a few minutes before 
 six, he boldly knocked at the Judge's, and 
 requested to speak to him on particular bu- 
 siness. The Judge was at dinner, but cune 
 down without delay, swore the affidavit, and 
 then gravely asked what was the jjressing 
 necessity that induced our friend to disturb 
 him at that hour. As Smith told his story, 
 he raked his invention for a lie, but finding 
 none fit for the ])urpose, he blurted out the 
 truth : — " The fact i^, my Lord, I am en- 
 gaged to dine at the next house — and — and 
 
 " " And, sir, you thought j'ou might 
 
 as well save your own dinnpr by spoiling 
 
 mine?" " Kxactly so, my Lord ; but- 
 " Sir, I wish you a good evening." Though 
 Smith brazened the matter out, he said he 
 never was more frightened.
 
 50 
 
 EALLWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 FREE TRADE. 
 
 Ilussey Burgh, at the o])pning of the ses- 
 sion of 1777, moved the Address to the King, 
 in which was the following sentence: — " It 
 is not by temporary expedients, but by an 
 extension of trade, that Ireland can be ame- 
 liorated." Flood, who was seated in the 
 Vice-Treasurer's place, said, audibly : " VVliy 
 not a free trade?" The amendment electri- 
 fied the House; the words were adopted 
 by his friend, and the motion was carried 
 unanimously. 
 
 A CITY ATTORXEY. 
 
 Romilly's father endeavoured, by his con- 
 versation, to give him a farourable opinion 
 of the life of a laivyer ; but, unfortunately, 
 the professional prototype did not succeed. 
 This was a Mr. Liddel, of Threadneedle- 
 street, described as " a shortish, fat man, with 
 a ruddy countenance, which always shone as 
 if besmeared with grease; a large wig sat 
 loose from his head ; his eyes constantly half 
 shut and drowsy ; all bis motions slow and 
 deliberate ; and his words slabbered out as if 
 he had not exertion enough to articulate. 
 His dark and gloomy house was tilled with 
 dusty papers and voluminous parchment 
 deeds ;" and, in his meagre librar\-, Eomilly 
 did not see a single volume which he should 
 not have been deterred, by its external ap- 
 peai-ance, from opening. The idea of a lawyer 
 and of Mr. Liddel were so identified in Mr. 
 Eomilly's mind, that he was at once dis- 
 gusted with the profession; and all hi? 
 thought of being an attorney were for a 
 time given up, as well by his father as 
 himself. 
 
 THE GHOST PUZZLED. 
 
 John Hoole, the translator of Tasso and 
 Ariosto, was subject lo nearness of vision. 
 He had a great partiality for the drama, 
 and, in his younger days, would frequently 
 strut his hour upon the stage at an amateur 
 theatre in Lincoln's Inn Fields. Upon one 
 of these occ3sions, whilst performing the 
 Ghost, in " Hamlet," Mr. Hoole wandered, 
 incautioush-, too far from the trap-door 
 through which he had emerged from tlie 
 nether world, and by which it was his duty to 
 descend. In this dilemma, he groped about, 
 'loping to distinguish the aperture, whilst the 
 audience, who were ignorant why the Ghost 
 ■■emained so long in the upper regions after 
 thecrowingof the cock, expected him to favour 
 ^hem with a second edition of that celebrated 
 scene. It was apparent, from the lips of the 
 Ghost, that he was holding converse with 
 jonie one behhid the wings. He at length 
 became irritated — alas ! poor Ghost ! — and 
 ejaculated, in tones sufficiently audible, " I 
 tell you I can't find it." The laughter which 
 ensued may be imagined. The Ghost (which 
 if it had been a sensible one, would have 
 walked otT) became more and more discom- 
 posed, until its perturbed spirit was placed, 
 by some of the bystanders, on the trap- door, 
 after which it descended, with all due solem- 
 nity amid roars of laughter. 
 
 A SILK GOWjM. 
 
 Grattan said of Ilussey Burgh, who had 
 been a great Liberal, but, on getting his silk 
 gown, became a Ministerialist, that all men 
 knevv silk to be a non-conducting body, and 
 that since the honourable member had been 
 enveloped in silk, no spark of patriotism had 
 reached his heart. 
 
 POLITICAL SINECURE. 
 
 Curran, after a debate which gave rise to K. 
 high words, put his hand to his heart, and 
 declared that he was the trusty guardian 
 of his own honour. Upon which Sir Boyle 
 Roche congratulated his honourable friena 
 on the snug little sinecure he had disco- 
 vered for himself. 
 
 QUID PRO QUO. 
 
 An Irish lawyer, famed for cross-examin^ >; 
 ing, was, on one occasion, completely silenced 
 
 by a horse-dealer. " Pray, Mr. , you Ue- 
 
 long to a veVy honest profession?" '• I can't 
 saj- so," replied the witness ; " for, saving you 
 lawyers, I think it the most dishonest going." 
 
 WRITE PLAIN. Y. 
 
 A gentleman left a will expressing that 
 his property was to be left to a Mr. Loudon 
 or a Mr. London, both residing in the same 
 town, but by no means intimate. Legal pro- 
 ceedings decided in favour of Mr. Loudon, 
 merely because the testator was once seen to 
 speak to him, and because no such evidence 
 appeared in favour of Mr. London. This 
 case occurred on account of the unintelligible 
 handwriting of the testator, whose n's were 
 like m's, and whose ?«'s were like m's ; and all 
 this is onl}' to be avoided by learning to write 
 well in the first instance, and hy writing care- 
 fully ever after. 
 
 " FARTHING JAMIE." 
 
 Sir James Lowther, father of the first Lord 
 Lonsdale, when he visited London, used fre- 
 quently to dine incog, at some very obscure 
 and economical eating-house ; where the price 
 of some article in the bill being advanced one 
 farthing, the thrifty Baronet took such mor- 
 tal offence, that he withdrew his custom from 
 the house, and was ever afterwards known bj- 
 the soubriquet of " Farthing Jamie." 
 
 \\nLKEs'S READY REPLY. 
 
 Luttrell and Wilkes were standing on the 
 'Brentford hustings, when Wilkes asked his 
 adversary, privately, whether he thought 
 there were more fools or rogues among the 
 multitude of Wilkites spread out before them. 
 " I'll tell them what you say, and put an end 
 to you," said the Colonel. But, perceiving the 
 threat gave Wilkes no alarm, he added, 
 " Surely you don't mean to say you could 
 stand here one hour after I did so?" " Why 
 (the answer was), you would not be alive 
 one instant after." " How so ?" "I should 
 merely say it was a fabrication, and they 
 would destroy you in the twinkling of aa 
 reyel" 
 
 i
 
 RAILWAY ANECUOTE BOOK. 
 
 51 
 
 POLITICAL CORRUTTIOX. I 
 
 Curran, when opposed to Lord Clare, said | 
 that he reminded him of a chimney-sweep, ! 
 ■who had raised himself by dark and duskj' 
 ways, and then called aloud to his neighbours 
 to .witness his dirty elevation. 
 
 FAJIILLIKITY. 
 
 A waiter named Samuel Spring havini; oc- 
 casion to write to his late Majest)-, George IV., 
 when Prince of Wales, commenced his letter , 
 as follows : — " Sam, the waiter at the Cocoa 
 Tree, presents his compliments to the Prince 
 of Wales," &c. His Royal Highness next day 
 saw Sam, and after noticing the receiving of 
 his note, and the freedom of the style, said, 
 "Sam, this may be very well between you 
 and me, but it will not do with the Norfolks 
 and Armulels." 
 
 A CALCULATIOX. 
 
 After the death of the poet Chatterton, 
 there was found among his papers, indorsed 
 on a letter, intended for publication, addressed 
 to Beckford, then Lord Mayor, dated May 
 26, 1770, the following memorandum : — 
 " Accepted by Bingley, set for, and thrown 
 out of the North Briton, 21st June, on account 
 of the Lord Mayor's death : — 
 
 Lost by his death on this essay £1 11 6 
 
 Gained in elegies 2 2 
 
 Gained in essajs o 3 
 
 Am glad he is dead by . . . 3 13 C" 
 
 Yet the evident heartlessness of this calcula- 
 tion has been ingeniously vindicated by 
 Southey, in the Quarterly Review. 
 
 THE TWO TUEBOTS. 
 
 Cardinal Fesch, a man of honour in the 
 annals of gastronomy, had invited a large 
 party of clerical magnates to dinner. By a 
 fortunate coincidence, two turbots of singular 
 beauty arrived as presents to his Eminence 
 on the very morning of the feast. To serve 
 , both would appear ridiculous ; but the Car- 
 dinal was, notwithstanding, most anxious to 
 to have the credit of both. He imparted his 
 embarrassment to his chef. " Be of good 
 faith, your Eminence," was the reply, " both 
 shall appear ; both shall enjoy the reception 
 which is their due." The dinner was served ; 
 one of the turbots relieved the soup. Excla- 
 mations unanimous, enthusiastic, religious, 
 gastronomical — it was the moment of the 
 iprouvette positif. The maitre dChotel ad- 
 vanced ; two attendants raised the monster, 
 and carried him off to cut him up ; but one 
 of them lost his equilibrium — the attendants 
 and the turbot roll together on the tioor. At 
 this sad sight, the assembled Cardinals be- 
 came pale as death, and a solemn silence 
 reigned in the conclave — it was the moment 
 of the iprouvette negatif ; but the maitre 
 d'hotel suddenly turned to the attendant — 
 "Bring another turbot," .said he, with the 
 most perfect coolness. The other appearetl, 
 and the ^rouvette positif \tiX3 gloriously re- 
 newed. 
 
 HERNE'S OAK. 
 
 Among his anecdotes of celebrated English 
 oaks, we arc surprised to hnd Mr. Loudon 
 adopting (at least so we understand him) an 
 apocrypha! story about Heme's oak given in 
 the lively page of Mr. Jtsse's " Gleanings." 
 That gentleman, if he had taken any trouble, 
 might have ascertained that the tree in ques- 
 tion was cut down one morning, by order of 
 King George III., when in a state of great 
 but transient excitement : the circumstance 
 caused much regret and astonishment at the 
 time, and was commented on in the news- 
 papers. The oak, which Mr. Jesse would 
 decorate with Shakspearean honours, stands 
 at a considerable distance from the position 
 of the true Simon Pure. Every old woman 
 in Windsor knows all about the facts. 
 
 TOP AND BOTTOM. 
 
 The following playful colloquy in verse ^' 
 took place at a dinner-table between Sir 
 George Rose and James Smith, in allusion to 
 Craven-street, Strand, where he resided : — 
 
 J. S.—" At the top of my street, the attor- 
 neys abound, 
 
 And down at the bottom the barges are 
 found : 
 
 Fly, honesty, tiy, to some safer retreat, 
 
 For there's craft in the river, and craft in the 
 street." 
 
 Sir G. iZ.— "WTiy sliould honesty fly to 
 some safer retreat. 
 From attorneys and barges, od rot 'em ? 
 For the lawyers are just at the top of the 
 street, 
 And the barges aiejust at the bottom." 
 
 THE RICHMOND HO^Ul. 
 
 One of the best practical jokes in Theodore 
 Hook's clever "Gilbert Gurney," is Daly's 
 hoax upon the lady who had never been at 
 Richmond before, or, at least, knew none of 
 the peculiarities of the place. Daly desired 
 the waiter, after dinner, to bring some " maids 
 of honour " — those cheesecakes for which the 
 place has, time out of mind, been celebrated. 
 The lady stared, then laughed, and asked, 
 " What do you mean by ' maids of honour ?' " 
 " Dear me !" said Daly, " don't you know that 
 this is so courtly a place, and so completely 
 under the intluence of state etiquette, that 
 everything in Richmond is called after the 
 functionaries of the palace ? What are called 
 cheesecakes elsewhere, are here called maids 
 of hcnour; a capon is called a lord chamber- 
 lain ; a goose is a lord steward ; a roast pig 
 is a master of the horse ; a pair of duclts, 
 grooms of the bedchamber ; a gooseberry tart, 
 a gentleman usher of the black rod ; and so 
 on." The unsophisticated lady was taken 
 in, when she actually saw the maids of honour 
 make, their appearance in the shape of cheese- 
 cakes ; she convulsed the wliole party by turn- 
 ing to the waiter, and desiring him, in a 
 sweet, but decided tone, to bring her a gen- 
 tleman usher of the black rod, if they liad 
 one in the house quite cold I 
 
 B 2 
 
 X
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 < 
 
 CHEMISTRY OF HEAT. 
 
 A chemist in Albany, expatiating on the 
 late discoveries in cliemical science, observed 
 that snow had been found to possess a con- 
 siderable degree of heat. An Irishman pre- 
 sent, at this remark, observed, " tliat truly 
 chemistry was a valuable science," and (anx- 
 ious that the discovery might be made pro- 
 fitable) inquired of the orator what number 
 of snowballs would be sufficient to boil a 
 tea-kettle ! 
 
 , TALLEYRAND^S PROMISE. 
 
 A creditor to whom the Prince was in- 
 debted in a heavy sum, waited on him as he 
 was setting olf on his last departure for this 
 country ; not to take so great a liberty as to 
 ask for his money, but merely to ascertain 
 any time, however remote, when he might 
 presume to ask for a part of it. The diplo- 
 matist's only replj- to the inquisitive intruder 
 ■was, " Monsieur, vons etes bien curieux ;" 
 and no one but the diplomatist could have 
 made such a replj'. 
 
 DINNER IN\aTATIONS. 
 
 \ A nice point is thus settled in "Boswell's 
 
 Life of Dr. Johnson :" — Boswell : " I consider 
 distinction of rank to be of so much im- 
 portance in civilized society, that if I were 
 asked on the same daj' to dine with the first 
 duke in England, and with the first man in 
 Britain for sjenius, 1 should hesitate which to 
 prefer." — Johnson : " To be sure, sir, if you 
 •were to dine only once, and it were nerer to 
 be known where you dined, you would choose 
 rather to dine with the first man for genius; 
 but, to gain respect, you should dine with 
 the first duke in England ; for nine people 
 in ten that yju meet with would have a 
 higher opinion of you for having dined with 
 a duke ; and the great genius himself would 
 receive you better because you had been with 
 the great duke." 
 
 JLVTHEWS AND THE SIIA'ER SPOON. 
 
 Amongst IMathews's pranks of younger 
 4ays, that is to say, when he lirst came from 
 York to the Haymarket Theatre, he was in- 
 vited, with F and some other perfo; mors, 
 
 to dine with j\lr. A , now an eminent sd- 
 
 versraith, but who, at that period, followed 
 the business of a pawnbroker. It so hap- 
 pened that A was called out of the par- 
 tour, at the back of the shop, durmg dinner. 
 JIathews, with wonderful celerity, altering 
 his hair, countenance, hat, &c., took a large 
 ^ravy-spoon otF the dinner-table, ran in- 
 stantly into the street, entered one of the 
 little dark doors leading to the pawnbroker's 
 counter, and actually pledged to the uncon- 
 
 Bcious A his own gravy-spoon. Mathews 
 
 contrived with equal rapidity to return and 
 seat himself (having left the street -door open) 
 
 before A re-appeared at the dinner- table. 
 
 As a matter of course, this was made the 
 subject of a wager. An eclaircissement took 
 place before the party broke up, to the infi- 
 nite astonishment of A . 
 
 I THE TEETOTALLER OUTWITTED. 
 
 Dr. Channing (of the United States) was 
 one day paying toll, when he perceived a 
 notice of gin, rum, tobacco, &c , on a board 
 which bore a strong resemblance to a grave- 
 stone. "I am glad to see," said the doctor 
 to the girl who received the toll, " that you 
 have been burying these things." " And if 
 we had," said the girl, " I don't doubt yoa 
 would have gone chief mourner." 
 
 TOM DIBDIN AND THE LOZENGK. 
 
 Tom Dibdin had a cottage near Lox-hill, 
 to which, after his theatrical labours, he was 
 delighted to retire. One siormy night, after 
 Mr. and Mrs. Dibdin had been in bed some 
 time, Mrs. D. being kept awake by the vio- 
 lence of the weather, aroused her husband, 
 exclaiming, " Tom, Tom, get up !" " What 
 for?" said he. "Don't you hear how very 
 bad the wind is?" "Is it?" replied Dibdin, 
 half asleep, but could not help punning ^ 
 " Put a peppermint lozenge out of the win- 
 dow, my dear; it is the best thing in the 
 world for the wind." 
 
 SIR JAMES MACKINTOSH AT BOMBAY. 
 
 During Sir James Mackintosh's Recorder- 
 ship of Bombaj', a singular incident occurred. 
 Two Dutchmen having sued for debt two 
 English officers, Lieuts. Macguire and Cauty, 
 these officers resolved to waylay and assault 
 them. This was rather a resolve made in a 
 drunken excitement, than a deliberate pur- 
 pose. Fortunately, the Dutchmen pursued 
 a difierent route from that which they had 
 intinded, and thej' prosecuted the two officers 
 for the offence of lying in wait with intent to 
 murder : they were found gudty, and brought 
 up for judgment. Previous to his pronounc- 
 ing judgment, however, Sir James received 
 an intimation that the prisoners had con- 
 ceived the project of shooting liim as he sat 
 on the bench, and that one of them had for 
 that purpose a loaded pistol in his writing- 
 desk. It is remarkable that the intimation 
 did not induce him to take some precautions 
 to prevent its execution — at any rate, not to 
 expose himself needlessly to assassination, 
 On the contrary, the circumstances ordy sug- 
 gested the following remarks : " I have been 
 ciedibly informed that you entertained the 
 desperate project of destroying your own lives 
 at that bar, after having previously destroyed 
 the judge who now addresses you. If that 
 murderous i)roject had been executed, I 
 should have been the first British judge who 
 ever stained with hisblood the seat of justice. 
 But I can never die better than in the dis- 
 charge of my duty." All this eloquence 
 might have 'been spared : Macguire sub- 
 mitted to the judge's inspection of his 
 writing-desk, and showed him that, though 
 it contained two pistols, neither of them was 
 charged. It is supposed to have been a 
 hoax — a highly mischievous one, indeed ; 
 but the statement was prima facie so impro- 
 bable, that it was absurd to give it the 
 slightest credit.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 FLIGHT OF THE PRINCESS CHARLOTTE. 
 
 In a fine evening of July, about the hour 
 of seven, when the streets are deserted by 
 all persons of condition, the youjig Princess 
 Charlotte rushed out of her resilience in 
 Warwick House, unattended, hastily crossed 
 Coctspur -street, flung herself into the first 
 hackney-coach she could find, and drove to 
 her mother's house in Connaught- place. The 
 Princess of Wales having gone to pass the 
 day at her Blaukheath villa, a messenger was 
 despatched fur her, another for her law 
 adviser, Mr. Brougham, and a third for Miss 
 Mercer Elphinstoue, tlie young Princess's 
 ' bosom friend. Brougham arrived before the 
 Pri.-xress of Wales hud returned; and Miss 
 Elp\.instone had alone obeyed the summons. 
 Soon after the Royal mother came, accom- 
 panied by Lady Charlotte Lindsay, her lady 
 in waiting. It was found that the P incess 
 Ciip.rlotte's fixed resolution was to leave her 
 father's house, and that which he had ap- 
 pointed for her residence, and to live thence- 
 forth with her mother. But l\Ir. Brougham 
 is understood to have felt himself under the 
 painful necessity of explaining to her that, 
 by the law, as all the twelve judges but one 
 had laid it down in George I.'s reign, and 
 as it was now admitted to be settled, the 
 King or the Regent had the absolute power 
 to dispose of the persons of all the Royal 
 Family while under age. The Duke of Sus- 
 sex, who had always taken her part, was 
 sent for, and attended the invitation to join 
 in these consultations. It was an untoward 
 incident in this remarkable aftair, that he 
 1 *d never seen the Princess of Wales since 
 the investigation of 1806, which had begun 
 upon a false charge brought by the wife of 
 one of his equerries, and that he had, without 
 any kind of warrant from the fact, been 
 supposed by the Princess to have set on, or 
 at least supported, the accuser. He, how- 
 ever, warmly joined in the whole of the de- 
 liberations of that singular night. As soon 
 as the flight of the young lady was ascer- 
 tained, and the place of her retreat disco- 
 vered, the Regent's officers of state and 
 other functionaries were despatched after 
 "her. The Lord Chancellor Eldon first ar- 
 rived, but not in any particularly imposing 
 state, or, " regard being had" to his eminent 
 station ; for, indeed, he came in a hackney- 
 coach. Whether it was that the example 
 of the Princess Charlotte herself had for the 
 day brought this simple and economical 
 mode of conveyance into fashion, or that 
 concealment was much studied, or that de- 
 spatch was deemed more essential than cere- 
 mony and pomp— certain it ij, that all who 
 came, including the Duke of York, arrived 
 in similar vehicles, and that some remained 
 inclosed in them, without entering the Royal 
 mansion. At length, after much pains and 
 many entreaties, used by the Duke of Sus- 
 sex and the Princess of Wales herself, as well 
 as Miss Elphinstone and Lady C. Lindsay 
 (whom she always honoured with a just re- 
 gard), to enforce the advice givea by Mv 
 
 Brougham, that she should return without 
 delay to her own residence, and submit to the 
 Regent, the jipung Princess, accompanied 
 by the Duke of York and her governess, 
 who had now been sent for, and arrived in a 
 Royal carriage, returned to Warwick House, 
 between four and five o'clock in the morn- 
 ing. There was then a Westminster electioa 
 in progress, in consequence of Lord Coch- 
 rane's expulsion ; and it is said that on her 
 complaining to Mr. Brougham that he, too, 
 was deserting 'utr, and leaving her in her fa- 
 ther's power, when the people would have 
 stood by her — hs took her to the window, 
 when the morning had just dawned, and, 
 pointing to the Park, and the spacious 
 streets which lay before her, said that he 
 had only to show her a few hours later on 
 the spot where she now stood, and all the 
 people of this vast metropolis would be ga- 
 thered together on that plain, with one 
 common feeling in her behalf— but that the 
 triumph of one hour would be dearlv pur- 
 chased by the consequences which must as- 
 suredly follow in the next, when the troops 
 poured in, and quelled all resistance to the 
 clear and undoubted law of the land, with 
 the certain eftusion of blood — nay, that 
 through the rest of her life she never w^ould 
 escape the odium which, in this country, al- 
 ways attends those who, by breaking the 
 law, occasion such calamities. This conside- 
 ration, much more than any quailing of her 
 dauntless spirit, or faltering of her lilial af- 
 fection, is believed to have weighed upon her 
 mind, and induced her to return home. 
 
 AUSENCE OF MIXD. 
 
 The first Lord Lyttelton was very absent 
 in company. One day, at dinner, his Lord- 
 ship pointed to a particular dish, and asked 
 to be helped of it, caUing it, however, by a 
 name very diflereut from that which the dish 
 contained. A gentleman was about to tell 
 him of his mistake— "Never mind," whispered 
 another of the party, "help him to what he 
 asked for, and he v.ill suppose it is what he 
 wanted." 
 
 SHEBIDAN CON^'I^^AL. 
 
 Lord Byron notes: — "What a wreck is 
 Sheridan! and all from bad pilotage; for no 
 one had ever better gales, though now and 
 then a little squally. Poor dear Sherry ! I 
 shall never forget the day he, and Rogers, 
 and Jloore, and I passed together, when he 
 talked and we listened, without one yawn 
 from six to one in the morning. 
 
 One night, Sheridan was found in the 
 street by a watchman, bereft of that " divine 
 particle of air" called reason, and fuddled, 
 and bewildered, and almost insensible. He, 
 the watchman, asked, "Who are you, sir?" 
 No answer. "What's your name.^'' A 
 hiccup. "What's your name?" Answer, 
 in a slow, deliberate, and impassive tone, 
 " Wilberforce 1" Byron notes, "Is not that 
 Sherry all over? — and to my mind excellent. 
 Poor fellow! his very di-egs are better than 
 the first sprightly rumiicgso'' others."
 
 54 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 THE WRONG LEG. 
 
 Mathe-ws beinji: invited by D'Egville to 
 dine one daj' with hitn at Brighton, D'Eg- 
 ville inquired what was Mathews's favourite 
 dish .' A roasted leg of pork, with sage and 
 onions. This was provided ; and D'Eg- 
 ville, car^-ing, swore that he could not find 
 the stuffing. He turned the joint all over, 
 but in vain. Poole was at table, and, in his 
 quiet way, said "Don't make j-ourself tin- 
 happy, D'Egville ; perhaps it is in the other 
 leg.1 
 
 SMOKING CLUB. 
 
 Frederick William I., King of Prussia, 
 patronised smoking club?, the members being 
 mostly generals and staff-officers. Two of 
 them who did not smoke, to conform to the 
 King's regulation, held unlighted pipes to 
 their mouths, and puffed and blew like capital 
 smokers. The tobacco was not good, and the 
 Sovereign was displeased if any one brought 
 better of his own. At seven o'clock bread, 
 butter, and cheese were brought in, and some- 
 times a ham and roast veal : now and then 
 the King treated his guests with a dish of fish 
 and a salad, which he dressed with his own 
 hands, 
 
 A jrUNCHAUSEN STORY. 
 
 A Cossack of the line, named Slavouski, 
 was riding, early in Januarj', from Schirmille 
 to Linkoram, when a tiger sprang from the 
 ground upon the back of his horse. With 
 the most cool resolution, the brave soldier 
 made a well-directed back stroke with his 
 sword, and clove the head of the beast in 
 twain. He then alighted, and, having extin- 
 guished all remaining life in the animal, by 
 firing both pistols close to its body, flayed off 
 the skin, and carried it in triumph to Lin- 
 koram, It measured five vards from the 
 muzzle to the tip of the tail, "The bold fellow 
 received a reward of five hundred roubles, 
 
 EATING FAST. 
 
 V Napoleon was a very fast eater. At a 
 grand concert at the "Tuileries, from the 
 moment he and his guests sat down, till the 
 coffee was served, not more than forty-three 
 or four minutes elapsed. They were then 
 bowed out. With Napoleon, the moment 
 appetite was felt, it was necessary that it 
 should be satisfied; and his establishment 
 was .so arranged, that in all places, and at all 
 hours, chicken, cutlets, and coft'ee might be 
 forthcoming at a word. This habit of eating 
 fast and carelessly is supposed to have 
 paralyzed Napoleon on two of the most 
 critical events of his life — the battles of 
 Borodino and Leipsic, which he might have 
 converted into decisive and influential vic- 
 tories by pushing his advantages as he was 
 ■wont, bn each of these occasions, he is 
 known to have been suffering from indi- 
 gestion. On the third day of Dresden, too, 
 the German novelist, Hoffman, who was 
 present in the town, asserts that the Emperor 
 would have done much more then he did, but 
 for the effects of a shoulder of mutton stuffed 
 with onions. 
 
 CONSULTATION OF PHYSICIANS. . 
 
 A man much adiiicted to drinking being A 
 extremely ill with a fever, a consultation was 
 held in his bed-chamber, by tliree ohvsi- 
 cians, how to "cure the fever and abate 
 the thirst," "Gentlemen," said he, "I will 
 take half the trouble off your hands: you 
 cure the fever, and I will abate the thirst 
 myself." 
 
 THE WAY TO WIN A KISS. 
 
 The late Mr, Bush used to tell this story ^ 
 of a brother barrister: — As the coach was 
 about starting, before breakfast, the modest 
 limb of the law approached the landladv, a • 
 pretty Quakeress, who was seated near the 
 fire, and said he could not think of going ^ 
 without giving her a kiss. " Friend," said 
 she, "thee must not do it," "Oh! by 
 heavens, I will!" replied the barrister. 
 ' ' Well, friend, as thou hast sworn, thee may 
 doit! but thee must not make a practice 0^ "^ 
 it." 
 
 A MISTAKE. 
 
 Lord Melcombe was a friend and patron of 
 James Ralph, the dramatist; but the silly 
 blunder of a servant had nearly caused a 
 rupture between them. Lord Melcombe, 
 one day, ordered his servant to go to Kalph, 
 who lived not far from his Lordship, at Isle- 
 worth, and take with him a card fur a dinner 
 invitation to Mr, lialph and his wife. The 
 servant mistook the word card for cart, and 
 set out full speed with the latter. The sup- 
 posed indignity offended the pride of Ralph, 
 who, with great gravity, sent back the mes- 
 senger and his carriage, with a long ex- 
 postulatory letter. 
 
 NO JUDGE. 
 
 A certain Judge of our time having some- 
 what hastily delivered judgment in a par- 
 ticular case, a King's Counsel observed, in a 
 tone loud enough to reach the bench, " Good 
 Heavens! every judgment of this court is a 
 mere toss-up." " But heads seldom win," 
 observed a learned barrister, sitting behind 
 him. On another occasion, this wit proposed 
 the following riddle for solution : — " Why 
 
 does (the Judge in question) commit an 
 
 act in bankraptcy every day?" The answer 
 was. " Because he daily gives a judgment 
 without consideration." 
 
 THE SOLECISM. 
 
 " I know," says Balzac, " no such sure ^■ 
 test of a gentleman as this, that he never 
 corrects a solecism in conversation, or seems 
 to know that a solecism has been committed. 
 
 There is the Marquis de (we forget his 
 
 title), confessedly the best bred man in 
 France, and one of the most learned and elo- 
 quent, to whom a Prnvengal may talk two 
 hours without losing the impression that he 
 delights the Marquis by the purity of his 
 diction; whereas, there is hardly a little 
 abbe, or avocat, or illiterate parvenu, to whom 
 one can speak without being corrected at 
 every third sentence."
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 55 
 
 " TIPPING THE COLD SHOULDER." 
 
 X Many years ago, when the wealthy Mrs. 
 Coutts ^^sited Sir Walter Scott at Abbots- 
 ford, it so happened that there were already 
 in the house several ladies, Scotch and 
 English, of high birth and rank, who felt by 
 no means di.'^posed to assist their host and 
 hostess in making Mrs. Coutts's visit agreeable 
 to her. On the tirst day of her stay, Sir Walter 
 Scott, during dinner, did everything in his 
 power to counteract this influence of the evil 
 eye, and something to overawe it ; but the 
 spirit of mischief had been fairly stirred, and 
 it was easy to see that Mrs. Coutts followed 
 these noble dames to the drawingroom in 
 by no means that complacent mood which 
 •was customarily sustained, doubtless, by 
 every blandishment of obsequious fiatterj' in 
 this mistress of millions. He cut the gen- 
 tlemen's sederunt short, and soon after join- 
 ing the ladies, managed to withdraw the 
 youngest, and gayest, and cleverest, who was 
 also the highest in rank (a lovely Mar- 
 chioness), into his armorial- hall adjoining. 
 He said to her, " I want to speak a word with 
 you about Mrs. Coutts. We have known 
 each other a good while, and I know you 
 ■won't take anything I can sny in ill part. It 
 is, I hear, not uncommon among the line ladies 
 in London to be very well pleased to accept 
 invitations, and even sometimes to hunt after 
 them, to Mrs. Coutts's grand balls and fetes, 
 and then, if they meet her in any private 
 circle, to practise on her the delicate ma- 
 nceitvre called tipping tlie cold shoulder. This 
 you agree with me is shabb}- ; but it is 
 nothing new either to you or to me, that 
 fine people will do shabbinesses for which 
 beggars might blush, if they once stoop so 
 low as to poke for tickets. I am sure you 
 would not for the world do such a thing ; 
 but yon must permit me to take the great 
 liberty of saying, that I think the style you 
 have all received my guest, Mrs. Coutts, in, 
 this evening, is, to a certain extent, a sin of 
 the same order. You wore all told, a couple 
 of days ago, that I had accepted her visit, 
 and that siie would arrive to-day to stay 
 three nights. Now, if any of you had not been 
 disposed to be of my party at the same time 
 with her, there was plenty of time for you 
 to have gone away before she came ; and as 
 none of you moved, and it was impossible 
 to fancy that any of you would remain out 
 of mere curiosit}', 1 thought I had a perfect 
 right to calculate on your having made up 
 your minds to help me out with her." The 
 beautiful Peeress answered, "I thank you, 
 Sir Walter ; you have done me the great 
 honour to speak as if I had been }-our 
 daughter, and depend upon it you shall be 
 obeyed with heai't and good-will." One by 
 one, the other exclusives were seen engaged 
 in a little tiJte-u-tCte v.ith her Ladyship. 
 Sir Walter was soon satislied that things had 
 been put into a right train; the Mar- 
 chioness was requested to sing a particular 
 song, because he thought it would please 
 Mrs. Coutts. "NoUiing could gratify iu>r 
 
 more than to please Mrs. Coutts." Mrs. 
 Coutts's brow smoothed, and in the course Of 
 half an hour she was as happy and easy ad 
 ever she was in her life, rattling away at 
 comic anecdotes of her early theatrical 
 years, and joining in the chorus of Sii 
 Adam's " Laird of Cockpen." She stayed 
 out her three daj's — saw, accompanied by aL 
 the circle, Melrose, Dn-burgh, and Yarrow — 
 and left Abbotsford delighted with her host 
 and, to all appearance, with his other guesis 
 
 THE wife's chance. 
 
 Late one night, that most miserable of all 
 human beings, a drunken husband, after 
 spending his whole time at his club, set out 
 for home. " Well," said he to himself, " if I 
 find my wife up, I'll scold her : what business 
 has she to ait up, wasting fire and light, eh? 
 And if I tind her in bed, I'll scold her : what 
 right has she to go to bed before I get 
 home?" 
 
 FELICITOUS LOOKS. 
 
 Foremost among the pleasures of the table 
 are what an elegant novelist has termed 
 " those felicitous moods in which our animal 
 spirits search, and carry up, as it were, to the 
 surface, our intellectual gifts and acquisi- 
 tions." Of such moods the late Sir Thomas 
 Lawrence took peculiar advantage ; for it is 
 said that he frequently invited his sitters (for 
 their portraits) to partake of the hospitalities 
 of his table, and took the most favourable 
 opportunity of "stealing" from them their 
 "good looks," traits which he felicitously 
 transferred to the canvass. 
 
 THURLOW AND PITT. 
 
 About the year 1790, when the Lord Chan- 
 cellor Thurlow was supposed to be on no 
 very friendly terms with the ^Minister (Mr. 
 Pitt), a friend asked the latter how Thuilow 
 drew with them? "I don't know," said 
 the Premier, " how he draws, but he has not 
 refused his oats yet." 
 
 A POSEK. 
 
 At Pljmouth there is, or was, a small 
 green opposite the Government House, over 
 which no one was permitted to jiass. Not a 
 creature was allowed to approach, save the 
 General's cow ; and the sentries had parti- 
 cular orders to turn away anj' one w^ho ven- 
 tured to cross the forbidden turf. One day 
 old Lady D , having called at the Gene- 
 ral's, in order to make a short cut, bent her 
 steps across the lawn, when she was arrested 
 by the sentry calling out, and desiring her 
 to return, and go the otiier road. She re- 
 monstrated ; the uwii said ho could not dis- 
 obey his orders, which were to prevent any 
 one crossing that piece of ground. " But," 
 
 said Lady D , with a stately air, "do you 
 
 know wiio I am?" "I don't know who 
 you be, ma'am," replied the immovable 
 sentry, " but 1 knows who you b'aint — yoi^ 
 
 b'aint the General's cow." So Lady D 
 
 wiselj' gave up the argument, and went the 
 other wnv.
 
 £-5 
 
 RAlLWAi ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 A DUIX MAN. 
 
 Lord Byron knew a dull man who lived on 
 a. bon mot of Moc-e's for a -week ; and his 
 Lordship once offered a wager of a coiisi- 
 lerable sum tiiat the reciter was guiltless of 
 understanding its point ; but he could get no 
 one to accept the bet. 
 
 IGNORANCE BLISS. 
 
 ■Oaptain Alexander notes, from the Hill 
 Damaras (in South Africa), " I could make 
 nothing out to show they had any, the most 
 imperfect religious impressions. ' Who made 
 the sun?' I asked them. 'We don't know: 
 •we are a stupid people — we don't know any- 
 thing ; only let us get plentj' to eat — that is 
 all we care for,' was the common answer the 
 Captain got from this benighted people. 
 
 SMOKING. 
 
 J«, Joshua Silvester questions whether the 
 devil has done more harm, in later ages, by 
 meaiis of fire and smoke, through the inven- 
 tion of guns or of tobacco-pipes ; and he con- 
 jectures that Satan introduced the fashion as 
 a preparatory course of smoking for those who 
 are to be matriculated in his own college : — 
 
 "As roguing gipsies tan their little elves. 
 To make tliem tann'd and ugly like them- 
 selves." 
 
 When the practice of smoking was first in- 
 troduced into England, it was said children 
 "began to play with broken pipes, instead 
 of corals, to make way for their teeth." 
 
 ADYAKTAGES OF EASLT TRAINING. 
 
 \ The following dialogue is reported to have 
 passed at the Queen's County Assizes, be- 
 tween a medical witness and a barrister : — 
 Mr. Ilaj-es (the barrister) : If a person 
 lying on wet straw were deprived of all the 
 comforts or necessaries of life, would it not 
 hasten death? — Dr. Edge: That would 
 greatly depend on whether he had been 
 accustomed to them. — Mr. Hayes : Do you 
 mean to tell us that if a person lived in a 
 horsepond, it would not be injurious to him? 
 — Dr. Edge: I think not, if he had lived 
 for sixty or seventy years in it. 
 
 PRACTICAL DEFINITION. 
 
 \^ The Jesuit, Manuel de Vergara, used to 
 relate that, when he was a little boy, he 
 iskcd a Dominican friar what was the mean- 
 •ng of the seventh commandment, for he said 
 ■le could not tell what committing adultery 
 wa.s. The friar, not knowing how to answer, 
 cast a perplexed look around the room, and, 
 thinking he had found a safe reply, pointed 
 to a kettle on the fire, and said the com- 
 mandment meant that he must never put his 
 hand into the pot when it was boiling. The 
 very next day a loud scream alarmed the 
 "amily ; and, behold, there was little Manuel 
 running about the room, holding u]> his 
 scalded finger, and exclaiming, " Oh, dear ! 
 oh, dear! I've committed adultery ! I've com- 
 mitted adultery ! I've committed adultery 1" 
 
 MASSILLOn's P REACHING. ^^ 
 
 Louis XIV. said one day to Massillon, afser ?|n 
 hearing him preach at Versailles : "Father, ! 
 I have heard many great orators in this 
 chapel; I have been highly pleased with 
 ih3m ; but for _vou, whenever I hear you, I 
 go away displeased with myself, for 'l see 
 more of my own character." This has been 
 considered the finest encomium ever be- 
 stowed upon a preacher, 
 
 MATHEWS MISGUIDED. 
 
 During an Irish debate, Mathews was 
 a constant attendant at the House of Com- 
 mons. He took his station under the gal- 
 lerj', by permission of the Speaker. These 
 debates being frequently carried on to a late 
 hour, his friend, Mr. Parratt, of Milibank, 
 gave him a bed at his house. One night, on 
 his way to Milibank, having got halt-way 
 home, he v/as, from fatigue, arising from his 
 lameness, compelled to rest against a post. It 
 is pretty well known that Mathews had many 
 antipathies, such as one year hating mutton 
 and eating nothing but beef, and the next 
 disliking beef and eating nothing but mut- 
 ton. Amongst other things, he had a great 
 dislike to the jingling of keys, or the rattling 
 of money in another person's pocket. On 
 the present occasion he had partially reco- 
 vered himself, and was hesitating whether it 
 were better to proceed, or to return, that is, to 
 return to the coach-stand in Palace- yard, or 
 go to Mr. Parratt's, when he heard a souna 
 like the rattling of ke^'s close to him, and 
 turning round to see whence it came, he be- 
 held a tall man, with a great coat reaching 
 down to his heels, who ci^^lly inquired if he 
 was ill, and whether he could atfbrd him any 
 assistance. Mathews told him where he was 
 going, and that be was lame ; the stranger 
 offered -him his ami, which he accepted. 
 The}' had not proceeded many yards when 
 the same jingling noise again arrested his 
 attention, which his new friend perceiving, 
 ad-snsed a slower pace; this being adopted, 
 the unwelcome sound ceased, and they got 
 on remarkably well, till they arrived at the 
 Horseferry-road. The.moment they came in 
 sight of the Thames, up went his conductor's 
 arms suddenly and violently, and the keys 
 again rattled ; they were then immediately 
 under an immense gas-lamp of a gin-palace, 
 and Mathews looked down to see where the 
 noise came from : his new friend's coat having 
 flown open, he saw — oh ! horror ! — appen- 
 dages to his legs that clearly proved he had 
 just broken out of prison. Expecting he 
 should be murdered, and that the raising of 
 his hand was a signal for assistance, spite of 
 his lameness, Mathews took to his heels, and 
 ran every step of the way till he reached his 
 friend's door, never venturing to look back, 
 until the use he had made of his friend's 
 knocker had not only roused the inmates, 
 but half the neighbourhood ; then looking 
 towards the water, he saw his fettered ac- 
 quaintance limp into a boat and row off v.'ith 
 all possible celerity.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 57 
 
 A WARM WISH. 
 
 A celebral^'l senator once said, " he hoped 
 to see the day when the Negroes in the West 
 Indies -n-ould peaceably enjoy their own iire- 
 sidi's.^ Talk of a people enjoying their 
 fir/?side3 in a climate where, in January, the 
 mercury stands at 1)2 (leg. in the shade ! 
 There is fever in the very thought. 
 
 PAEStMOXY OF NOLLEKEN3. 
 
 Xollekens, the sculptor, was a paragon of 
 parsimony. In his own house candles were 
 never lighted at the commencement of the 
 evening ; and whenever he and his wife 
 he-ml a knock at the door, they would wait 
 until they heard a second rap, before they lit 
 the candles, lest the first should have been 
 " a runaway," and their candles wasted. 
 2so!lekens's biographer was assured that a 
 pair of moulds, by being nursed, and put out 
 when company went away, once lasted a 
 whole year ! By his wife begging a clove, 
 or a bit of cinnamon, "to take some un- 
 pleasant taste out of her mouth," and such 
 mean shifts, the parsimonious pair contrived 
 to keep their spice- box constantly replen- 
 ished. 
 
 Nollekens was a Roman Catholic. Being 
 visited, one rainy morning, bj' his confessor, 
 he invited the holy father to stay till the 
 weather cleared up. The wet, however, con- 
 tinued till dinner was ready, and Xollekens 
 felt obliged to ask the priest to partake of a 
 bird, one of the last of a present from the 
 Duke of Newcastle. Down thej' sal ; the 
 reverend man helped his host to a wing, and 
 then carved for himself, assuring Xollekens 
 that he never indulged in much food, though 
 he soon picked the rest of the bones. " I 
 have no puddings," said Nollekens ; " but 
 will you have a glass of wine? — oh! you've 
 got some ale." However, a bottle of wine 
 was brought in ; and, on the remove, Nolle- 
 kens, after taking a glass, as usual, went to 
 sleep. The priest, after enjoying himself, 
 was desired by Nollekens, after removing 
 tiie handkerchief trom his head, to take ano- 
 ther glass. " Thank you, sare, I have a 
 finish de bottel." "The devU you have!" 
 muttered Nollekens. " Now, sare," con- 
 tinued his reverence, " as de rain be over, I 
 will take my leaf." " Well, do so," said Nol- 
 lekens ; who was determined not only to let 
 him go without his coffee, but gave strict or- 
 ders to the servant not to let the old fellow 
 in again. " Why, do you know," continued 
 he, " that he ate up all that large bird ; for 
 he only gave me one wng ; and he swal- 
 lowed all the ale ; and out of a whole bottle 
 of wine, I had only one glass." 
 
 One day a poor old artist was asked by 
 Nollekens, what made him look so dull ? 
 " I am low-spirited," he replied. " Then 
 go to the pump, and take a drink of water," 
 was the advice in return; and, in justifica- 
 tion of this strange advice, Nollekens as- 
 serted, that, when he was low-spirited, the 
 pump nlways brought him to. 
 
 RESURRECTIONIST BROIL. 
 
 Lord Norbury's puns were innumerable 
 One of the best'was as follows : — When the 
 subject of removing Paine's bones to Eng- 
 land was in agitation, and he was asked foi 
 his opinion, he said that they would be very 
 good to make a broil .' [What might one say 
 of Napoleon's ? ] 
 
 P^UIIXVMENTARY REPRHIAXD. ^ 
 
 In the reign of George II., one Crowle, a -K 
 counsel of some eminence, made some ob- 
 servation before an election committee, which 
 was considered to reflect on the House itself. 
 The House accordingly summoned him tc 
 their bar, and he was forced to receive a re- 
 primand from the Speaker, on his knees. As 
 he rose from the ground, with the utmost 
 nonchalance, he took out his handkerchief, 
 and, wiping hia knees, coolly observed, " that 
 it was the dirtiest house he had ever been in 
 in his life." 
 
 INGRATITUDE. 
 
 When Duchesnois, the celebrated French, 
 actress, died, a person met an old man who 
 was one of her most intimate friends. He 
 was pale, confused, awe-stricken. Every one 
 was trying to console him, but in vain. 
 " Her loss," he exclaimed, " docs not affect 
 me so much as her horrible ingratitude. 
 Would you believe it? she died without 
 leaving me anything in her will — I, who 
 have dined iciih her, at her mvn house, three 
 tiDies a week for thirty years ! " 
 
 THE RULING PASSION. 
 
 A Mr. , a Mastery in Chancery, was on 
 
 his death-bed — a very wealthy man. Some 
 occasion of great urgencj' occurred, in which 
 it was necessary to make an aflidavit, and 
 the attorney, missing one or two vther mas- 
 ters whom he inquired after, ventured to ask 
 if Mr. — — would be able to rec ive the de- 
 position. The proposal seemed to give him 
 momentary strength ; his clerk was sent for, 
 and the oath taken in due form. The mas- 
 ter was lifted up in his bed, and with diffi- 
 culty subscribed the paper ; as he sank 
 down again, he made a signal to his clerk — 
 "Wallace." "Sir?" "Your ear— lower- 
 lower. Have you got the half-crown ?" He 
 was dead before morning. 
 
 PATRIAECH.\L CHAJIBER.^rAID. 
 
 Died, at Elgin, in 1838, Mrs. Batchen, agCi; 
 107 j-tars. This long-liver dwelt in Elgin 
 from her infanc}'. She was, in the year of 
 the Rebellion, 1745, ser\'ant to Lady An-a- 
 dowal, who, at that time, resided in the house 
 formerly belonging to the Earls of Sunder- 
 land, and lately called Batchen's Hall, a por- 
 tion of which remains. Prince Charles 
 Stuart, on his way t" Culloden, slept in this 
 house, and Mrs. Batchen helped to make his 
 bed. She used to relate that her mistress. 
 Lady Arradowal, a stanch Jacobite, laid 
 aside the sheets in which the Prince had 
 lain, and gave strict orders that when she 
 died they might be used as her shroud.
 
 OS 
 
 kailway anecdote book 
 
 WILKES UPON JOHNSON. 
 
 In his English Grammar, prefixed to his 
 Dictionarj', Johnson had written — " He sel- 
 dom, perhaps never, begins any but the first 
 sj'llable." Wilkes published some remarks 
 upon this dictum, commencing : " The 
 author of this observation must be a man of 
 quick appre -tension, and of a most compre- 
 hensive genius." 
 
 GOOD AD■V^CE. 
 
 A law student once called upon Lord Mans- 
 field with a letter of introduction ; and, after 
 some inquiries, the veteran Judge asked him 
 if he were perfect in " Coke upon Lyttelton." 
 He replied that he was not altogether 
 perfect, but intended reading it over again 
 for the third time. " Take a little rest, sir, 
 take a little rest," said his Lordship; "it is 
 my advice that you should now take a turn 
 vnth ' Enfield's Speaker.' " 
 
 ECCLESIASTICAL CORRECTION. 
 
 Foote sent a copy of his farce of " The 
 Minor " to the Archbishop of Canterbury, 
 requesting that if his Grace should see any- 
 thing objectionable in it, he would strike it 
 out or correct it. The Archbishop returned 
 it untouched ; observing to a confidential 
 friend, that he was sure the wit had only 
 laid a trap for him, and that if he had put 
 his pen to the manuscript, by way of cor- 
 rection or objection, Foote would have had 
 the assurance to have advertised the play as 
 " corrected and prepared for the press by his 
 Grace the Archbishop of Canterburj'." Yet 
 the Archbishop certainly tried to hinder 
 " The Minor " being played at Drury-Lane ; 
 upon which Foote threatened to take out a 
 licence to preach Tam. Cant, against Tom. 
 Cant. 
 
 A READT ANSWER. 
 
 y Mr. K., a missionary among a tribe of 
 "^ northern Indians, was wont to set some 
 simple refreshment — fruit and cider — before 
 his converts, when they came from a distance 
 to see him. An old man, who had no pre- 
 tensions to be a Christian, desired much to 
 be admitted to the refreshments, and pro- 
 posed to some of his converted friends to 
 accompany them on their next visit to the 
 missionarv. They told him he must be a 
 Christian' first. "What was that?" He 
 must know all about the Bible. When the 
 time came, he declared himself prepared, and 
 undertook the journey with them. When 
 arrived, he seated himself opposite the mis- 
 sionary, wrapped in his blanket, and looking 
 exceedingly serious. In answer to an in- 
 quii-y from the missionarj', he rolled up his 
 eyes, and solemnly uttered the following 
 words, with a pause between each — 
 
 " Adam — Eve — Cain — Noah — Jeremiah — 
 Beelzebub — Solomon " 
 
 " What do you mean ?" asked the mis- 
 aonarj'. 
 
 " Solomon — Beelzebub — Noah " 
 
 " Stop, stop. What do you mean ?" 
 
 " I mean — cider." 
 
 CiESAR's GOOD BREEDING. 
 
 The courtesy and obliging disposition of 
 Julius Cassar (by whom we are termed bar- 
 bari) were notorious, and illustrated in anec- 
 dotes which survived for generations in 
 Rome. Dining on one occasion at a table 
 where the servants had inadvertently, for 
 salad-oil, furnished coarse lamp- oil, Caesar 
 would not allow the rest of the company to 
 point out the mistake to their host, for fear 
 of shocking him too much by exposing the 
 mistake. 
 
 A BROIL. . 
 
 Lord Hertford, Mr. Croker, and Mr. James 
 Smith were at an exhibition, inspecting a 
 picture of a husband carving a boiled leg of 
 mutton. The orifice displayed the meat red 
 and raw, and the husband was looking at his 
 wife with a countenance of anger and disap- 
 pointment. " That fellow is a fool," observed 
 Lord Hertford, " he does not see what an 
 excellent broil he may have." ' 
 
 THU SAILOR AND THE ACTRESS. 
 
 " When I was a poor girl," said the /*^ 
 Duchess of St. Albans, " working very hard 
 for my thirty shillings a week, I went down 
 to Liverpool during the holidays, where I 
 was always kindly received. I was to per- 
 form in a new piece, something like those 
 pretty little affecting dramas they get up 
 now at our minor theatres ; and in my cha- 
 racter I represented a poor, friendless orphan 
 girl, reduced to the most wretched poverty. 
 A heartless tradesman prosecutes the sad 
 heroine for a heavy debt, and insists on put- 
 ting her in prison unless some one will be 
 bail for her. The girl replies, ' Then I have 
 no hope, I have not a friend in the world.' 
 ' What ? will no one be bail for you, to save 
 you from prison ?' asks the stem creditor. 
 ' I have told 3-ou I have not a friend on earth,' 
 was my reply. But just as I was uttering the 
 words, I saw a sailor in the upper gallery 
 springing over the railing, letting himself 
 down from onetiertoanother, until he bounded 
 clear over the orchestra and footlights, and 
 placed himself beside me in a moment. 
 ' Yes, you shall have one friend at least, my 
 poor young woman,' said he, with the great- 
 est expression in his honest, sunburnt coun- 
 tenance; 'I will go bail for you to any 
 amount. And as for you (turning to the '^ 
 frightened actor), if you don't bear a hand, ' 
 and shift your moorings, you lubber, it will 
 be worse for you when I come athwart your 
 bows.' Ever}' creature in the house rose ; 
 the uproar was perfectl}' indescribable ; peals 
 of laughter, screams of terror, cheers from 
 his tawny messmates in the gallery, prepara- 
 ioty scrapings of violins from the orchestra: 
 and amidst the universal din there stood the 
 unconscious cause of it. sheltering me, * the 
 poor, distressed young woman,' and breath- 
 ing defiance and destruction against ray 
 mimic persecutor. He was only persuaded 
 to relinquish his care of me by the manager 
 pretending to arrive and rescue me, with ai 
 profusion of theatrical bank-notes."
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 59 
 
 K 
 
 DRY HUMOUR. 
 
 ). An Irish post-boy having driven a gentle- 
 ' man a long stage during torrents of rain, the 
 gentleman civilly said to him, " Paddy, are 
 you not very wet ?" " Arrah ! I don't care 
 aboat being very •wet, but, plase your ho- 
 nour, I'm very drj%" 
 
 ODD HU3IOUK. 
 
 When Lord Holland was on his death-bed, 
 his friend George Selwyn called to inquire 
 how his Lordship was, and left his card. 
 This was uiKen to Lord Holland, who said : 
 " ».'f Mr SeiwTC calls again, show him into 
 tnv room. ]f I ano alive, I shall be glad to 
 see aim -, if i am aead, I am sure that be 
 will be delighted to see me." 
 
 A SETTLER. 
 
 A fanner, by chance a companion in a coach 
 with Charles' Lamb, kept boring him to 
 death with questions in the jargon of agri- 
 culturists about crops. At length he put a 
 poser — " And pray, sir, how are turnips 
 t'year?" " Whj' that, sir (stammered out 
 Lamb), will depend upon the boiled legs of 
 mutton." 
 
 THE AVTSOKG DAY. 
 
 X Ozias Linley, Sheridan's brother-in-law, 
 one day received a note to dine witii the 
 Archbishop of Canterbury, at Lambeth. 
 Careless into what hole or corner he threw 
 his invitations, he soon lost sight of the card, 
 and forgot it altogetlier. A year revolved, 
 when, on wiping the dust from some papers 
 he had stuck in the chimney- glass, the 
 Bishop's invitation for a certain day in the 
 month (he did not think of the year for an 
 instant) stared him full in the face ; and 
 taking it for granted that it was a recent 
 one, he dressed him.self on the appointed day, 
 and proceeded to the palace. But his diocesan 
 was not in London, a circumstance of which, 
 though a matter of some notoriety to the 
 clergj' of the diocese, he was quite uncon- 
 scious, and he retm-ned home dinnerless. 
 
 GIN PUNCH AT THE GARRICK. 
 
 One hot afternoon in July, Theodore Hook 
 strolled into the Garrick Club-houae in that 
 equivocal state of thirstinoss which it re- 
 quires something more than connnon to 
 quench. On describing the sensation, he 
 was recommended to make a trial of gin 
 punch, and a jug was compounded imme- 
 diately, under the personal inspection of 
 Mr. Stephen Price, the American manager. 
 A second followed — a third, with the accom- 
 paniment of some chops — a fourth, a fifth, 
 a sixth — at the expiration of which Mr. 
 Hook went away to keep a dinner engage- 
 ment at Lord Canterbur}''s. He usually ate 
 little ; and on this occasion he ate less, when 
 Mr. Horace Twiss inquired, in a fitting tone 
 of anxiety, if he was not ill. " Not ex- 
 actly," was the reply; "but my stomach 
 •won't bear trifling with, and 1 was tempted 
 to take a biscuit with a glass of sherry 
 about three." 
 
 A "DOUBLE TIMES." 
 
 A huge, double-sheeted copy of the Times )^ 
 newspaper was put into the hands of a mem- 
 ber of the Union CIud by one of the waiters. 
 " Oh, what a bore all this is," said the mem- 
 ber, sui-veying the gigantic journal. " Ah," 
 answered another member, who overheard 
 him, " it is all very well for you who are 
 occupied all day with business, and come 
 here to read for j'our diversion, to call this 
 double paper a bore ; but what a blessing it 
 is to a man living in the country — it is 
 equal to a daifs Jishinr/." 
 
 CURRAn'S GRATITUDE. 
 
 " Allow me, gentlemen," said Curran one X 
 evening to a large party, " to give you a sen- y 
 timent. When a boy, I was one morning 
 playing at marbles in the vilage of Ball- 
 alley, with a light heart and lighter pocket. 
 The gibe and the jest went glutlly round, 
 when suddenly among us appeared a stranger 
 of a remarkable and very cheerful aspect: 
 his intrusion was not the least restraint upon 
 our merry little assemblage. He was a 
 benevolent creature, and the days of infancy 
 (after all, the happiest we shall ever see) 
 perhaps rose upon his memory. Heaven 
 bless him ! I see his fine form at the dis- 
 tance of half a century just as he stood before 
 me in the httle Ball-alley, in the day of my 
 childhood. His name was Boyse; he was 
 the rector of Newmarket. To me he took a 
 particular fancy. I was winning, and full of 
 waggery, thinking everything that was 
 eccentric, and by no means a miser of my 
 eccentricities; every one was welcome to 
 a share of them, and I had plenty to spare 
 after having freighted the company. Some 
 sweetmeats easily bribed me home with him. 
 I learned from Boyse my alphabet, and my 
 grammar, an<l the rudiments of the classics. 
 He taught me all he could, and then he sent 
 me to a school at Middleton. In short, he 
 made me a man. 1 recollect it was about 
 thirty-five years afterwards, when 1 had 
 risen to some eminence at the bar, and when 
 1 had a seat in Parliament, on my return one 
 day from the court, I found an old gentleman 
 seated alone in m\' drawingrooni, his feet 
 familiarly placed on each side of the Italian 
 marble chimney-piece, and his whole air be- 
 speaking the consciousness of one quite at 
 home. He turned round — it was my friend 
 of Ball-alley. I rushed instinctively into bis 
 arms, and burst into tears. Words cannot 
 describe the scene which followed. ' You 
 are right, sir, you are right ; the chimney- 
 piece is yours — the pictures are yours — the 
 house is j'ours. You gave me all 1 have 
 — my friend — mj' benefactor!' He dined with 
 me; and in the evening I caught the tear 
 glistening in his fine blue ej'e, when he saw 
 poor little Jack, the creature of his bounty, 
 rising in the House of Commons to reply to a 
 right honourable. Poor Boyse! he is now 
 gone ; and no suitor had a longer deposit of 
 practical benevolence in the Court above. 
 This is his wine — let cs drinls. to hismcraorj- '"
 
 60 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 CROMWELti. 
 
 Colonel Titus, in his pamphlet, " Killing 
 no Munler," speaks thus of Cromwell : — 
 " You truly may be called the father of your 
 country ; for, while you live, we can call no- 
 thing our own ; and it is to jour death that 
 we look for our inheritance." 
 
 BILLINGSGATE FAIK. 
 
 Charles Lamb, in passing through Billings- 
 gate, was wil ness to a quarrel and tight be- 
 tween two fishwomen, one of whom, taking 
 up a knife, cut oif her antagonist's thumb. 
 ^' Ha!" said Lamb, looking about him, as if 
 lie had only just recognized the place, " this 
 is Fair-lop Fair." 
 
 DRESSING ASPARAGUS. 
 
 Fontenelle, who lived till within one month 
 of 100, was never known to laugh or to cry, 
 and even boasted of his insensibilit3^ One 
 day, a certain bon vivant Abbe came un- 
 expectedly to dine with him. The Abbe' was 
 fond of aparagus dressed with butter— for 
 which, also, Fontenelle had a great c/cmt, but 
 preferred it dressed with oil. Fontenelle 
 said, that for such a friend there was no 
 sacrifice he would 7iot make, and that 
 he should have half the dish of asparagus 
 which he had ordered for himself, and that 
 half, moreover, should be dressed with butter. 
 While they were conversing thus together, 
 the poor Abbe' fell down in a fit of apoplexy ; 
 upon which his friend Fontenelle instantly 
 scampered down stairs, and eagerly bawled 
 out to his cook, " The whole with oil I the 
 whole with oil, as at first!" 
 
 THE POETS IX A PUZZLE. 
 
 Cottle, in his life of Coleridge, relates the 
 following amusing incident: — "I led my 
 horse to the stable, where a sad perplexity 
 arose. I removed the harness without diffi- 
 culty ; but, after many strenuous attempts I 
 could not remove the collar. In despair, I 
 called for assistance, when Mr. Wordsworth 
 brought his ingenuity into exercise; but, 
 after several unsuccessful efforts, he relin- 
 quished the achievement as a thing alto- 
 gether impracticable. Mr. Coleridge now 
 tried his hand, but showed no more skill 
 than his predecessor ; for, after twisting tlie 
 poor horse's neck almost to strangulation 
 and the great danger of his eyes, he gave 
 up the useless task, pronouncing that the 
 horse's head must have grown since the col- 
 lar was put on ; for he said, ' it was a down- 
 right impossibility for such a huge os front'is 
 to pass through so narrow an aperture.' 
 Just at this instant, a servant-giil came 
 near, and understanding the cause of our 
 consternation, ' Ha ! master,' said she, ' you 
 don't go about the work in the right way. 
 You should do like this,' when, turning the 
 collar upside down, she slipped it oil" m a 
 moment, to our i;reat humiliation and won- 
 derment, each satisfied afresh that there 
 were heights of knowledge in the world to 
 which we hv\ not yet attained." 
 
 ^ 
 
 VUIX3ARITT. 
 
 Sir Walter Scott once happening to hear 
 his daughter Anne say of something, that it 
 was vulyar, gave the young lady the following 
 temperate rebuke : " My love, you speak 
 like a very young lady ; do you know, after 
 all, the meaning of this word vulgar ? 'Tis 
 only common ; nothing that is common, ex- 
 cept wickedness, can deserve to be spoken of 
 in a tone of contempt ; and ■when you have 
 lived to my j'ears, you will be disposed to 
 agree with me in thanking acd that nothing 
 really worth having or caru.g about in this 
 world is uncommon." 
 
 THE PULTENEY GUINEA. 
 
 William Pultenej', a'terw^ards Earl of 
 Bath, was remarkab .e allKe for his oratorical «V 
 talents and his long and consistent opposi- 
 tion to the measures of Sir Robert Walpole, 
 the great Whig Minister. On the 11th of 
 February, 1741, a time when party feeling ' 
 was at its height, Walpole received an inti- 
 mation in the House of Commons that it 
 was the intention of the Opposition to im- 
 peach him. To this menace he replied with 
 his usual composure and self-complacence, 
 merely requesting a fair and candid hearing, 
 and winding up his speech with the quota- 
 tion — 
 
 "Kil conscire sibi, nulli pallescere culp«." 
 
 With his usual tact, Pulteney immediately 
 rose, and observed, " that the right honour- 
 able gentleman's logic and Latin were alike 
 inaccurate, and that Horace, whom he had 
 just misquoted, had written 'nulla palescere 
 culpa.' " Walpole maintained that his quo- 
 tation was correct, and a bet was offered. 
 The matter was thereupon referred to Nicho- 
 las Hardinge, Clerk of the House, an excel* 
 lent classical scholar, who decided against 
 Walpole. The Minister accordingly took a 
 guinea from his pocket, and flung it across 
 the house to Pulteney. The latter caught 
 it, and holding it up, exclaimed, " It's the 
 only money I have received from the Trea- 
 sury for many years, and it shall be the last." 
 This guinea having been carefully preserved, 
 finally came into the hands of Sir John Mur- 
 ray, by whom it was presented, in 1828, to the 
 British Museum. The following memoran- 
 dum, in the handwriting o( Pulteney, is 
 attached to it : — " This guinea I desire may be 
 kept as an heirloom. It was won of Sir 
 Robert Walpole in the House of Commons ; 
 he asserting the verse in Horace to be ' nulli 
 pallescere culpie,' whereas I laid the wager of 
 a guinea that it was ' nulla pallescere culpa.' 
 He sent for the boolc, and, being convinced 
 that he had lost, gave me this guinea. I 
 told him I could take the money without any 
 blush on my side, but believed it was the 
 only money he ever gave in the House 
 where the giver and the receiver ought not 
 equally to blush. This guinea, I hope, will 
 prove to my posterity the use of knowing 
 Latin, and encourage them in their learning."
 
 KAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 61 
 
 PLURAUTt OF WIVES. 
 
 V A native of Zanzibar thus illustrated the 
 bad policy of ha^^ng more than one wife, 
 although the law of his country allows four. 
 "Suppose you have more (than one), they 
 always fight ; suppose live in the same house, 
 they light ; suppose live in different ho;ases, 
 they fight ; and the man can be no happy. 
 The woman very bad lor that." 
 
 CIASSIC CHANCE. 
 
 When a man, who had done the Goveni- 
 ment some service, but was very generally 
 considered a fool, applied to Lord Norbury 
 for a certain appointment, then vacant, his 
 Lordship remarked, that though a goose had 
 saved the capitol of Rome, it never obtained 
 the Consulship. 
 
 TURTLE SOUP. 
 
 English tavern-keepers simfily give notice 
 by public advertisement of their intention to 
 " dress a fine lively turtle " on such a day ; 
 but the Yankee, more atrociously, ^vrites in 
 chalk upon the devoted animal's back, 
 " Soup to-morrow," and places him on parade 
 before his hotel ; thus basely making him a 
 party to his own murder, and deluding him, 
 in defiance of all the laws of nations, to ad- 
 vertise his own execution. 
 
 A PLEASANT MESSAGE. 
 
 Some five-aud-thirty years ago, the late 
 Mr. Bartleman, the bass-singer, was taken ill, 
 just before the commencement of the musical 
 festival at Gloucester, for which he had been 
 engaged, so that be could not leave Loudon ; 
 anuthcr basso was applied to, at a short 
 notice, who attended, and acquitted himself 
 to the satisfaction of every body. When 
 he called on the organist to be paid, the 
 latter thanked him most cordially for his 
 kindness in attending, also for the very 
 noble manner in which he had sung; and 
 concluded with the following very compli- 
 mentary and pleasant message : — " When 
 you see poor Bartlemim, give my best re- 
 gards to him ; and tell him how much we 
 missed him dui-uig the festival !" 
 
 THE STRAWBERRY. 
 
 It is related of ]\Ir. Alderman Faulkner, of 
 convivial memory, that one night, when he 
 expected his guests to sit late, and trj^ the 
 strength of his claret and his head, he took 
 the precaution to place in his wine-glass a 
 strawberry, which his doctor, lie said, had 
 recommended to him on account of its cooling 
 qualities. On the faith of this specific, he 
 drank even more deeply, and, as might be 
 expected, was carried away earlior than usual. 
 When some of his friends condoled with him 
 next day, and attribuied his misfortune to 
 six bottles of claret which he had drunk, the 
 Alderman was extremely indignant. " The 
 claret," he said, " was sound, and never could 
 do an\- body any harm ; his discomfiture was 
 altogether caused by that d — d single straw- 
 berry which he had kept all night at the 
 bottom of his glass." 
 
 ODD COMPLAINT. 
 
 A losing gambler, rushing out of Crock- 
 ford's at three o'clock on a summer morning, 
 saw a stout man with his foot raised on the 
 post at the corner, engaged in the ven,* peace- 
 able and proper act of tying his shoe. The 
 gambler ran at the stout man, kicked his 
 anonymous quarter, and upset him. The 
 stout man rose in astonishment at the out- 
 rage, and, more in sorrow than in anger, ex- 
 claimetl, "What's that for? I was only 
 tying my shoe at that post." " Only tying 
 your shoe at that post," roared the other in 
 a frenzy of rage, " you are always tying your 
 shoe at that post!" 
 
 who's who? 
 
 In that very entertaining work, " The 
 Doctor," is an abundance of pleasant gossip 
 upon the odd and pitiful accidents by which 
 the " bubble reputation " has been raised. 
 For example : — 
 
 " Whether the regular practitioner may 
 sneer at Mr. Ching," says the historian of 
 Cornwall, " I know not ; but the Patent 
 Worm Lozenges have gained om- Launceston 
 apothecary a large fortune, and secured to 
 him perpetual fame !" 
 
 There would have been no other memorial 
 of Kichard Jaquett at thi^: ilay, than the let- 
 ters of his name in an old deed, and obsolete 
 hand, if he had not, in the reign of Edward 
 VI., been Lord of the manor of Tyburn, v.ith 
 its appurtenances, in which the gallows was 
 included; wherefore, from the s:iid Jaquett, 
 it is presumed by antiquaries, that the hang- 
 man has ever since been corruptly caUea 
 Jack Ketch. 
 
 A certain William Dowsing, who, during 
 the great rebellion, was a Parliamentary vi- 
 sitor for demolishing images in churciies, is 
 supposed to have given rise to the expression 
 of giving an}' one a dowsing. 
 
 Johnson tells a story of a man, who was 
 standing in an inn kitchen, with his back to 
 the fire, and thus accosted a traveller, who 
 stood nest to him, " Do you know, sir, wlio 
 I am?" " Xo, sir," replied the traveller; " I 
 have not that advantage." "Sir," said the 
 man, "I am the great Twamlcy, who in- 
 vented the new Floodgate Iron." Who, but 
 Johnson, would have heard of the great 
 Twamlcy? 
 
 Who was Ludlam, whose dog was so lazy 
 that he leant his head against a wall to 
 bark ? 
 
 And who was old Cole, whose dog was so 
 proud that he took the wall of a dung-cart, 
 and got squeezed to death by the wheel? 
 Was lie the same person of whom the song 
 
 SaVS 
 
 Old King Cole . 
 Was a merry old soul, 
 And a merry old soul was he ? 
 And was his dog proud because his master 
 ■was called King? 
 
 Here are questions to be proposed in tho 
 Examination Papers of some Australian 
 Cambridge, 2000 years hence.
 
 *& 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 POOR-MAN-OF-MUTTON. 
 
 Poor-man-of-mutton, is a term applied to a 
 shoulder of mutton in Scotland, after it has 
 been served as a roast at diLiier, and appeal's 
 as a broiled bone at supper, or at the dinner 
 next day. The late Earl of B., popularly 
 known as " Old Rag," being indisposed at 
 an hotel in London, one morning the landlord 
 came to enumerate the good things in his 
 larder, to prevail on his guest to eat some- 
 thing ; when his Lordship replied, " Land- 
 lord, I think I could eat a morsel of a poor 
 man ;" which, with the extreme ugliness of 
 his Lordship's countenance, so terrified Boni- 
 * face, that he tied from the room, and tumbled 
 down stairs, supposing the Earl, when at 
 home, was in the habit of eating a joint of a 
 vassal or tenant when his appetite was 
 dainty. 
 
 HORSE-DEALING TRIALS. 
 
 \ In the art of cross-examining a witness, 
 
 ' ' Curran was pre-eminent. What could be 
 cleverer than his repartee in a horse cause, 
 •when he asked the jockey's servant his 
 master's age, and the man retorted, with 
 ready gibe, " I never put my hand into his 
 mouth to try?" The laugh was against 
 the counsellor till he made the bitter reply — 
 •' You did perfectly right, friend ; for your 
 master is said to be a great bite." 
 
 Erskine displaj'ed similar readiness in a 
 case of breach of warranty. The horse taken 
 on trial had become dead lame, but the 
 ■witness to prove it said he had a cataract in 
 his eye. "A singular proof of lameness," 
 suggested the Court. " It is cause and effect," 
 remarked Erskine; "for what is a cataract 
 but a fall?" 
 
 OMNIBUS TRICK. 
 
 ^^ A decent young woman entered a Pad- 
 
 dington omnibus with an infant in her arms, 
 of whom the other passengers admired the 
 
 beauty. Sir Andrew and the young 
 
 woman, when the vehicle arrived in Skin- 
 ner-street, were the only parties left in the 
 carriage. " Will you have the goodness, sir," 
 said the damsel, "just to hold this child 
 while I step into that shop ?" " Certainly," 
 answered Sir Andrew. The living burden 
 was according]}- deposited, and awaj' went 
 the proprietor of it. A few minutes elapsed 
 — she returned not. The cad banged to 
 the door, ejaculating "AiT right!" and the 
 omnibus proceeded on its journey, carrying 
 Sir Andrew in the situation of l)on John in 
 the '' Chances.'' When the driver arrived at 
 the comer of Ironmonger-lane, a grave, 
 elderly gentleman was taken up, who, in his 
 turn, expressed his admiration of the infant's 
 beauty. " Will you have the goodness, sir, 
 to hold this child for one minute?" said Sir 
 Andrew, in his turn, beckoning the cad 
 to stop at Bow Chnrch. "By all means, 
 sir," answered the elderly gentleman. Here- 
 upon Sir Andrew bounded from the car- 
 riage, paid tlie cad his sixpence, and ran 
 down Friday-street like the innkeeper in 
 Joseph Andrews, " without any fear of break- 
 ing his neck." 
 
 PARTITION OF POLAJ<D. 
 
 Napoleon, after receiving a deputation so- 
 liciting the re-establishment and indepen- 
 dence of the kingdom of Poland, said to 
 Eapp : " I love the Poles ; their enthusiastic 
 character pleases me ; I should like to make 
 them independent, but that is a difficult 
 matter. Austria, Russia, and Prussia have 
 all had a slice of the cake ; when the match 
 is once kindled, who knows where the con- 
 flagration may stop : my first duty is to- 
 wards France, which I must not sacrifice to 
 Poland — we must refer this matter to the 
 sovereign of all things — time." 
 
 SJIALL SERVICE. 
 
 An English lady, who lived in the country, 
 and was about to have a large dinner party, 
 was ambitious of making as great a display 
 as her husband's establishment, a tolerably 
 large one, could furnish. So that there might 
 seem to be no lack of servants, a great lad, 
 who had been emploj'ed only in farm work, 
 was trimmed and dressed for the occasion, 
 and ordered to take his stand at the back of 
 his mistress' chair, with strict injunctions 
 not to stir from the place, nor do anyt'aing, 
 vmless she directed him ; the lady well know- 
 ing, that, although, no footman could make a 
 better appearance as a piece of still-life, some 
 awkwardness would be inevitable if he were 
 put in motion. Accordingly, Thomas having 
 thus been duly drilled and repeatedly en- 
 joined, took his post at the head of the table, 
 behind his mistress, and for a while he found 
 sufficient amusement in looking at the grand 
 set-out, and staring at the guests ; when 
 he was weary of this, and of an inaction 
 to which he was so little used, his eyes be- 
 gan to pry about nearer objects. It Avas at 
 a time when our ladies followed the French 
 fashion of having the back and shoulders 
 mider the name of the neck, uncovered much 
 lower than accords either with the EngUsh 
 climate, or with old Enghsh notions ; a time 
 when, as Landor expresses it, the usurped do- 
 minion of neck had extended from the ear 
 downwards almost to where mermaids be- 
 come fish. This lady was in the height, or 
 lowness of that fashion ; and between her 
 shoulder-blades, in the hollow of the back, 
 not far from the confines where nakedness 
 and clothing met, Thomas espied what Pas- 
 quier had seen upon the neck of Mademoiselle 
 des Roches. The guests were too much 
 engaged with the business and the courtesies 
 of the table to see what must have been worth 
 seeing, the transfiguration produced in 
 Thomas's countenance by delight, when he 
 saw so fine an opportunity of showing him- 
 self attentive, and nialdng himself useful. 
 The lady was too much occupied with her 
 company to feel the ilea; but, to her horror, 
 she felt the great finger and thumb of 
 Thomas upon her back, and, to her greater 
 horror, heard him exclaim in exultation, to 
 the still greater amusement of the party, j 
 " A vlea ! a vlea ! mv lady. Ecod I've caught 
 'enV'—The Uoctor.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 63 
 
 COBBETT. — BY HIMSELF. 
 
 At eleven years of age, my employment 
 was clipping of box-edgi^s and weeding beds 
 of flowers in the garden ''of the Bishop of 
 Winchester, at the the Castle of Famham, my 
 native town. I had always been fond of 
 beautiful gardens ; and a gardener, who had 
 just come from the King's gardens at Kew, 
 gave such a description of them as made me 
 instantly resolve to work in these gardens. 
 The next morning, witliout saying a word to 
 any one, off I set, with no clothes except 
 those upon my back, and with thirteen half- 
 pence in my pocket. I found that I must go 
 to Richmond, and I accordingly went on, 
 from place to place, inquiring my way thi- 
 ther. A long day (it was in June) brought 
 me to Kichmond in the afternoon. Two 
 pennyworth of bread and cheese and a penny- 
 worth of small beer, which I had on the road, 
 and one halfpenny which I had lost some- 
 how or other, left threepence in my pocket. 
 With this for my whole fortune, I was 
 trudging through Richmond, in my blue 
 smock-frock and my red garters tied under 
 my knees, when, staring about me, my eye 
 fell upon a little book in a bookseller's win- 
 dow, on the outside of which was written : 
 " Tale of a Tub ; price 3d." The title was 
 so odd that my curiosity was excited. I 
 had the 3d., but, then, I could have no sup- 
 per. In I went, and got the little book, 
 which I was so impatient to read, that I got 
 over into a field, at the upper corner of the 
 Kew-garden, where there stood a hay-stack. 
 On the shady side of this I sat down to 
 read. The book was so different from any- 
 thing that I had read before, it was some- 
 thing so new to my mind, that, though I 
 could not at all understand some of it, it de- 
 ligiited me beyond description ; and it pro- 
 duced what I have always considered a sort 
 of birth of intellect, 1 read on till it was dark, 
 without any thought about supper or bed. 
 When I could see no longer, I put ray little 
 book in ray pocket, and tumbled down by 
 the side of tlie stack, where I slept till the 
 birds in Kew-gardens awakened me in the 
 morning , when oil' I started to Kew, read- 
 ing my little book. The singularity of my 
 dress, the simplicity of my manner, my con- 
 fident and lively air, and, doubtless, his own 
 compassion besides, induced the gardener, 
 who was a Scotsman, to give me victuals, 
 find me lodging, and set me to work. And 
 it was during the period that I was at Kew, 
 that the present King (William IV.) and 
 two of his brothers laughed at the oddness 
 of my dress, while I was sweeping the grass- 
 plot round the foot of the Pagoda. The 
 gardener, seeing nie fond of books, lent me 
 some gardening books to read ; but these I 
 could not relisli after my " Tale of a. Tub," 
 which I carried about with me wherever I 
 went, and when I, at about twenty years 
 old, lost it in a box that fell overboard in 
 the Bay of Fundy, in North America, the 
 loss gave me greater pain than I have e\er 
 felt at losing thousands of pounds. This cir- 
 
 cumstance, trifling as it was, and childish as 
 it may seem to relate it, has always endeared 
 the recollection of Kew to me. 
 
 EPICURISM ADD STATES.VIANSHIP. 
 
 Cambacferes, Second Consul under the 
 French Republic, and Arch-Chancellor under 
 the Empire, never suffered the cares of 
 Government to distract his atttention from 
 " the great object of life." On one occasion, 
 for example, being detained in consultation 
 with Napoleon beyond the appointed hour of 
 dinner — it is said that the fate of the Due 
 d'Enghein was the topic under discussion — • 
 he begged pardon for suspending the confer- 
 ence, but it was absolutely necessary' for him 
 to despatch a special messenger immediately ; 
 then, seizing a pen, he wrote this billet to his 
 cook : " Sauvez les entremets — lea entre'es 
 sont perdues." 
 
 SIGHT-SEBINO. 
 
 When Mr. N. P. Willis visited the Palace 
 of Holyrood, he said to one of the guides — 
 " Aid through this door thej' dragged the 
 murdered favourite; and here under this 
 stone he was buried.'" "Yes, sir." "Poor 
 Rizzio!" "I'm thinking that's a' sir!" It 
 was a broad hint, but W^illis took another turn 
 down the nave of the old ruin, and another 
 look at the scene of the murder and the 
 grave of the victim. " And this door com- 
 municated with Mary's apartments?" " Yes 
 — ye hae it a' the noo !" W. paid his shilling 
 and exit. On enquiry for the private apart- 
 ments, he was directed to another Girzy, who 
 took him up to a suite of rooms appropriated 
 to the use of the Earl of Breadalbane, and 
 furnished very much like lodgings for a 
 guinea a week in London. "And which was 
 Queen Mary's chamber?" "Ech! sir! it's 
 t'ither side. I dinna show that." " And 
 what am I brought here for?" "Ye cam' 
 yoursell 1" 
 
 napoleon's bodlogne flotilla. 
 Napoleon, when at Boulogne, determined 
 to take an excursion to inspect the flotilla 
 in the roadstead, and to make observations 
 upon the English squadron. He embarked 
 in a pinnace, accompanied bj- the Grand 
 Marshal Duroc, the Due de Fioul, General 
 Bertrand, Count de Loban, and others. He 
 advanced towards fort La Creche, where 
 several vessels of the flotilla manoeuvred 
 under the protection of the batteries. But 
 the ])innace getting on shore, and the fire of 
 the English being directed towards it. Na- 
 poleon yielded to the request of the Count de 
 Loban, that he would retire ; saying, " Come, 
 Count, we have nothing to do here." Then 
 taking the arm of one of his guards of 
 honour, he climbed the heights, and with his 
 own hand ilischarged several shots at the 
 enemy. One of the balls, it is said, fell on 
 the deck of the Imawrtality. Little did the 
 English imagine that the celebrated per- 
 sonage who first attracted attention as an 
 ofRwr of artillery at Toulon, and who then 
 bore the titlo of Emperor, wna their assailant.
 
 61 
 
 KAIL^VAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 A MISTAKE. 
 
 M. de Talleyrand, having one day invited 
 M. Denor., the celebrated traveller, to dine 
 with him, told his wife to read the work of 
 his guest, indicating its place in his library. 
 Madame Talleyrand, unluckily, got hold, by 
 mistake, of the " Adventures of Robinson 
 Crusoe," which she ran over in great haste ; 
 and, at dinner, she began to question Denon 
 about his shipwreck, his island, &c., and, 
 finally, about his man Friday ! 
 
 MICHAEL ANGELO'S NOSE. 
 
 The nose of Michael Angelo was flat from 
 »a blow which he received in his youth from 
 Torrigiano, a brother artist and countryman, 
 upon some slight provocation. The following 
 is Torrigiano's account of the transaction, on 
 the authority of Benvenuto Cellini : — " I 
 was extremely irritated, and, doubling my 
 fist, gave him such a violent blow upon his 
 nose that I felt the bone and cartilage yield 
 as if they had been made of paste, and the 
 mark I then gave him he will caj-ry to his 
 grave." 
 
 SAGACITY OF A DOG. 
 
 Mr. Poynder, the brother of the Treasurer 
 of Christ's Hospital, brought home from New- 
 i^jundland a dog, a native of that countrj-. 
 T'lMs animal had established a strong claim on 
 hf'j master's affection, from the circumstance 
 of his having twice saved his life by his sa- 
 gacity in finding the road home, when Mr. 
 Poynder had lost his way in snow-storms, 
 many miles from shelter. He had also swam 
 more than three miles to gain the ship, after 
 his master had embarked for England, and 
 determined to leave the animal to the cai-e 
 of friends at Newfoundland. Mr. Poynder 
 landed at Blackwall, and took the dog in a 
 coach to his father's house at Clapham. He 
 was there placed in a stable, which he did not 
 leave until the second day after his arrival, 
 when he accompanied his master in a coach 
 to Christ's Hospital. He left the coach in 
 Newgate-street, and proceeded through the 
 passage leading to the treasurer's house ; not 
 being able to gain admission at the garden- 
 entrance, Mr. Poynder went round to the 
 front door, and thinks he left the dog at the 
 garden entrance, for he did not recollect 
 seeing him afterwards. In the hurry and 
 excitement of meeting .jiis friends, he for a 
 few minutes forgot his dog, but the moment 
 he recollected himself he went in search of 
 him. He was nowhere to be seen, and his 
 master hastened to prepare his description, 
 and to offer a reward in the public papers. 
 Earij-, however, next morning, a letter 
 arrived from the captain of the ship in which 
 Mr. Poynder had sailed from Newfoundland, 
 informing him that the dog was safe on 
 board, having swum to the vessel early on 
 the previous day. By comparing the time 
 on which he arrived %vith that on which he 
 was missing, it appeared that he must have 
 gone directly through the city from Christ's 
 Hospital to Wapping, where "he took to the 
 water. — Jesse, 
 
 A CHEAP WATCH. 
 
 During the war (179()), a sailor went to x 
 Mr. MacLaren, a watchmaker, and present- 
 ing a small Freifth watch to him, demanded 
 to know how much the repair of it would 
 come to. Mr. JlacLaren, after examining it, 
 said, "It will be more expense repairing 
 than its original cost." " I don't mind that," 
 said the tar ; " I will even give you double 
 the original cost; for 1 have a veneration for 
 the watch." "What might you have given 
 for it ?" said the watchmaker. " Wh}-," 
 replied the tar, " I gave a fellow a blow 
 on the head for it; and if you repair it, x 
 1 will give you two." 
 
 L-A-W. 
 
 It is singular, but it is matter of fact, that 
 there are [lersons who have a passion for being 
 at law, and contrive to be never out of 
 it. Of this description was a Mr. Bolt, a 
 wharfinger on the Thames. In the cause- ' 
 paper of the sittings after every term. Bolt's 
 name regularly appeared, either as a plain- 
 tiff or a defendant. In a cause at Guildhall, 
 Mingay was counsel against him, and spoke 
 of him in very harsh terms for his dishonest 
 and litigious spirit. Erskine was counsel for 
 him: "Gentlemen," says he to the jury, 
 " the plaintiff's counsel has taken verj- un- 
 warrantable liberties with my client's good 
 name. He has represented him as litigioua 
 and dishonest : it is most unjust. He is so 
 remarkably of an opposite character, that he 
 goes by the name of Bolt-upright." This 
 was all invention. 
 
 napoleon's SAVAGERY. 
 
 Madame de Bourrienne, speaking of the 
 character of Bonaparte, as it displayed itself 
 in the early part of his career, says: "His 
 smile was hypocritical and often misplaced. 
 A few days after his return from Toulon, he 
 was telling us, that being before that place, 
 where he commanded the artillery during 
 the siege, one of his officers was visited by 
 his wife, to whom he had been but a short 
 time married, and whom he tenderly loved. 
 A few da3'S after, orders were given for 
 another attack upon the town, in which this 
 officer was to be engaged. His wife came to 
 General Bonaparte, and with tears entreated 
 him to dispense with her husband's services 
 during that day. The General was inex- 
 orable, as he himself told us, with a sort of 
 savage exultation. The moment of the 
 attack arrived, and the officer, though a verj- 
 brave man, as Bonaparte himself assured us, 
 felt a presentiment of his approaching death. 
 He turned pale and trembled. He was 
 stationed beside the General, and during an 
 interval, when the firing from the town was 
 very strong, Bonapa?te called out to him, 
 ' Take care^ there is a bomb-shell corr.ing !' 
 The officer, instead of mo\-ing to one side, 
 stooped down, and was literally severed in 
 two. Bonaparte laughed loudly while he 
 described the event with horrible minate- 
 ness."
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE B(30K 
 
 MAGISTKRIAL lOSORANCE. 
 
 v* One of Cromwell's followers, who filled the 
 important station of an Irish justice, at the 
 period of 16C1, havint; occasion to write the 
 word " usage," contrived to spell it without 
 .using a single letter of the original word : 
 his improved orthography was ^^ yoivzitch." 
 When some remarks were made on similar 
 feats, he averred that "nobody could spell 
 with pens made from Irish geese." 
 
 A CRI'EL CASE. 
 
 The capabilitifs of a boiled edgebone of 
 beef may be estimated from what happened 
 to Pope the actor, well known for his devo- 
 tion to the lulinar}' art. He received an in- 
 ■vitation to dinner, accompanied by an 
 apology for the simplicity of the intended 
 fare— a small turbot and a boiled edgebone 
 of beef. " The very thing of all others that 
 I like," exclaimed Pope; "I will come with 
 the greatest pleasure :" and come he did, 
 and eat he did, till he could literally eat no 
 longer; when the word was given, and a 
 haanch of venison was brought in. Poor 
 Pope divined at a glance the nature of the 
 trap tKat bad been laid for him ; but he was 
 fairly caught, ar.d after a puny effort at 
 trifling with a slice of fat, he laid down his 
 knife and fork, and gave way to an hysterical 
 burst of tears, exclaiming — " A friend of 
 twenty years' standing, and to be served in 
 this manner!" 
 
 UTILITY OF .\L1IAXACK3. 
 
 The following legal anecdote serves to ex- 
 emplify how necessary it is upon any im- 
 portant occasion to scratinise the accuracy of 
 a statement before it is taken upon trust. A 
 fellow was tried at the Old Bailej' for high- 
 way' robbery, and the prosecutor swore posi- 
 tively to him, saying he had seen his face 
 distinctly, for it was a bright moonlight 
 night. The counsel for the prisoner cross- 
 questioned the man so as to make him repeat 
 that assertion, and insist upon it. He then 
 affirmed that this was a most important cir- 
 cumstance, and a most fortunate one for the 
 prisoner at the bar : because the night on 
 which the alleged robbery was said to have 
 been committed was one in which there had 
 been no moon : it was then during the dark 
 fjuarter ! In proof of this he handed an 
 almanack to the bench, — and the prisoner 
 was acquitted accordingly. The prosecutor, 
 however, had stated everything truly ; and 
 it was known afterwards that the almanack 
 with which the counsel came provided, had 
 been prep:ired and printed for the occasion. 
 
 The •writer remembers when a countryman 
 had walked to the nearest large town, thirty 
 miles distant, for the express purpose of 
 seeing an almanack, the first that had been 
 heard of in those parts. His inquiring 
 neighbours crowded round the man on his 
 return. "Well, well," said he, "I know 
 not ; it maffles and talks. I'.ut all I could 
 make out is, that Collop Monday falls on a 
 Tuesday next year ■' 
 
 A DISTINCTION. 
 
 A gentleman discharged his coachman for 
 overturning him in his carriage, on his road 
 home from a dinner party. The man, the 
 next mornincr, craved pardon, by acknow- 
 ledging his fault : " I had certainly drunk 
 too much, sir," said he ; " but I was not very 
 drank, rind fjentlenun, you /mow, sometimes cjet 
 drtink." "Why," replied the ma.ster (the 
 Hon. B. C., renowned fur the smartness of 
 his answers), " I don't say you were very 
 drunk for a gentleman, but you were d — d 
 drunk for a coachman. So get about your 
 business." 
 
 NTGRO FUXF.RAr,. 
 
 Dr. Madden, when in the West Indies, one 
 day undertook to read the burial service over 
 a Xegro, which was listened to with great 
 attention. But when the Doctor came to the 
 part of" Dust to dust, and ashes to ashes," 
 the Negro who officiated as sexton, and was 
 prepared with a spade of earth for the usual 
 ceremony, interrupted him with an intima- 
 tion that he had neglected to order the coffin 
 to be put down first : '■ Put him in de hole 
 first, Massa — alwavs put him in de hole 
 first." 
 
 FALSE ESTIMATE. 
 
 Kean once played Young Norvul to Mrs. 
 Siddons's I ady Randolph : after the play, 
 as Kean used to relate, Mrs. Siddons came to 
 him, and patting him on the head, said, 
 "You have played very well, sir, very well. 
 It's a pity, — but there's too little of you to 
 do anything." 
 
 Coleridge said of this " little " actor : — 
 " Kean is original ; but he copies from him- 
 self. Ilis rapid descents from the hyper- 
 tragic to the infra-colloquial, though S'lme- 
 times productive of great etTect, are often 
 unreasonable. To see him act, is like rewd- 
 ing " Sh;ikspeare" b}- flashes of lightning. I 
 do not think him thomigh-bred gentleman 
 enough to play Othello." 
 
 HOAXING AN III-IR. 
 
 We knew an old lady that lived in her bed 
 to a wonderful old age, and retained all her 
 faculties and all her cheeifulness. Her heir, 
 thinking she was too lorg " wiiliering out," 
 not now " a young man's revenues," went to 
 visit her near about her hundredth year. 
 Whether it was that he was naturallj' or 
 habitually an early riser, or could not sleep 
 of mornings for thinking of iiis inheritance, 
 he paid her very early visit.s to her room, to 
 inquire if sh<? slept well. She was a shrewd 
 observer, and determined he should he up 
 betimes. At three o'clock in the morning 
 (and she kept awake cai purpose) she rang 
 her bell violently, and down came the half- 
 dressed expectant heir. 
 
 " My dear madam, I hope vou are not very 
 ill ? " 
 
 She bade him come rear. She laughed in 
 his face, and said, " It is the Ist of April !'' 
 
 Now, what life and jollity was here — to 
 make her heir an April tool in her hundredth 
 year !
 
 66 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 X 
 
 DEATH OF THE DUKE OF RICHMOND rROM 
 HYDROPHOBIA. 
 
 In th» latter end of August, 1819, the 
 , Duke of Richmond, who was then Governor- 
 General of the C inadas, after visiting Nia- 
 gara and other parts of the upper province, 
 reached Kingston on his return to Quebec. 
 He had pre"arranged to irispect a new set 
 of recently se'tled townships; that is to say, 
 blocks of the wilderne-s which had been 
 designated on the map as such, on the line 
 of the Rideau Canal, between the St. Law- 
 rence and the Ottawa. The expedition was 
 to occup}" three or four days. On the morn- 
 ing of the first day, as the Duki', accompa- 
 iied by his staff, was rumbling through tke 
 forest in a light wairgosi of the country, he 
 observed that he felt unwell, compiained of 
 a pain in his shoulder, and mentioned to the 
 officers wlio were with him that he had had 
 great difficulty in drinking some hot wine 
 and water that had been recommended to 
 him. 
 
 On the evening of this day he called the 
 attention of a trusty servant who had been 
 accompanying him to an unfinished letter be 
 had addressed to a member of his family at 
 Quebec, and which tiie man was to deliver 
 when th' y all arrived there ! The next da}' 
 he became so much worse, that some of his 
 statfwoulj. fain have persuadt-d liim to re- 
 linquish his expedition, and make for the St. 
 Lawrence as the easier routB to Quebec, 
 lie, however, determined to make his inspec- 
 tion according to his appointments. 
 
 On the following day he was extremely un- 
 well ; aiid he so far consented to alter his plan, 
 that he stopped short of the vdllage he had 
 intended to reach, in consequence of there 
 being a swamp through which he woidd have 
 
 had to walk. Colonel , therefore, w-ent 
 
 forward to make preparations for the next 
 day, and the Duke remained all night at a 
 
 cottage. Colonel saw how ill he was, 
 
 and earnestly advised him to stop; but the 
 Duke feeling unwilling to disappoint thi>se 
 who were to meet him, persisted in proceed- 
 ing. 
 
 On the following morning he crossed the 
 swamp; and it was observed that when- 
 ever the water was disturbed he was verj' 
 much agitated, and occasionally jumped up- 
 wards. On reaching the settlement he was 
 met by Colonel -"^^—^ ^vho was struck with 
 his altered looks and manner, and begged 
 him to endeavour to obtain some rest ; but 
 he turned the subject by saving he should 
 like to walk round the village, and he accord- 
 ingly proceeded to do so. In the course of 
 their walk they reached a small stream which 
 crossed the road, on which the Duke turned 
 
 suddenly,and said toColonel ,that, though 
 
 be had never been nervous, his feelings were 
 then such that he could not cross it if his life 
 dependeo on it. 
 
 Nevertheless, though so ill, and though 
 he was pressed to remain quiet, he per- 
 sisted in desiring that he should not dis 
 appoint the chief officers of the settlement 
 
 from dining with him, and begged they 
 might be asked as usual. To one of his 
 
 party he calmly remarked, " Y' u know, , 
 
 I am in general not afraid of a gla-^s of wine, 
 yet you will see -nith what difficulty I shall 
 diink it." During dinner the Duke asked 
 this officer to take wine with him, and it was 
 evident that from some unaccountable reason 
 it required the utmost resolution and effort 
 on his part to bring the glass to his lips. 
 
 The party retired early, but as the Duke, 
 in consequence of certain feelings during the 
 preceding night, expressed a great hori-or 
 and disinclination to go to bed, it was not till 
 late that he did so. Early the next niorn- 
 ing he was found calmly finishing Lis letter 
 to a member of his family, which he sealed, 
 
 and then delivered to Colonel , with a 
 
 desire that it might be delivered at Montreal, 
 a request at the time utterly incomprehensible. 
 
 Colonel , on receiving this letter, na n 
 
 rally enough observed that they should all . 
 proceed there together ; on which the Duke 
 mildly but firmly observed, " It is no use de- 
 ceiving }-ou, I shall never go down there 
 alive." Colonel , considering this to be de- 
 lirium, entreated him to remain quiet, and to 
 send for medical advice. The Duke, however, 
 persisted in going as far as he could, and in- 
 quired what arr*ingements had been made 
 for his proceeding to the Rideau Falls, where 
 a birch canoe belonging to the North-west 
 Companj' was waiting for him. In reply 
 he was informed that it was proposed he 
 should go by himself in a small canoe down 
 a little stream which meandered through 
 the forest for some miles, after which he 
 would have to ride and walk. The Duke 
 made some objex;tion to the canoe, intimating 
 that he did not believe he could get into 
 it ; but he adi.'ed, " If I fall, you must forct 
 me." Now all this was deemed by the officers 
 of his suite to be the effect of over-excitement, 
 fiitigue, and the extreme heat of the sun. 
 However, after breakfast, the Duke's party, 
 attended by all the principal inhabitants of 
 the little settlement, walked down to this 
 stream, where they found the canoe in wait- 
 ing, manned bj' a couple of halt Indians. 
 
 After taking leave of the assembled party 
 and attendants, the Duke with an evident 
 effort forced himself into the canoe; and he 
 had scarcely sat down when the frail bark 
 pushed off, sjkI almost immediately after- 
 wards was lost sight of in the dark forest. 
 So remarkable, however, was the appearance 
 and effort he had made in approaching and 
 in seating himself in the canoe, that a gentle- 
 man preseiv! immediately exclaimed, " By 
 heavens.' gentlemen, the Duke of Ricl mond 
 has the hydrophobia!" This appalling ob- 
 servation convej'ed to the miads of his de- 
 votedly attached attendants the first intima- 
 tion or suspicion of the awful fact which they 
 haii so unconsciously witnessed ; and then 
 flashed upon them the various corroborating 
 circumstances which for the few preceding 
 days had been appearing to them unaccount- 
 abie ; namely, the spasms he had suffered te
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 67 
 
 drinking— lu3 agitation in crossing the 
 swamp — his inability to pass the stream, &c. 
 Ihe agony of mind of the officers of his staff 
 at sucti overwhelming intelligence was inde- 
 scribable; and while the object of all their 
 , thiughts was threading his way down the 
 Stream, they proceeded along a new road that 
 had lately been cut through the forest to the 
 point at which the Duke was to disem'iark. 
 They had proceeded about a mile, bewildered 
 as to what possiole course thoy should pursue, 
 when to their horror they saw the Did<e run- 
 Jing with fearful energy a:ro3S the path, and 
 tlieii dar: onwards into the forest. They im- 
 mediately ran after him, but he went so fast 
 that it was some time before he could bo 
 overtalien, and when he was — he was rav- 
 ing nidd ! They secured him and held him 
 down on a falkn'tree for a considerable time 
 At ia.st his consciousness returned, and the 
 verj- first use he made of it was to desire that 
 they would take no ordersfrom hini, and that 
 he would do whatever they determined for 
 him. 
 
 What to do was of course a difficult point 
 to so' tie : they at last resolved to return 
 to the settlement, and accordingly in that 
 direction they all proceeded on foot. Close 
 to the settWnwnt they reached the little 
 stream which he bad arrived at the pravious 
 
 da^:, and which he had told Colonel he 
 
 cculd not cross. At this point the Duke stop- 
 ped short, and turning round said, that, as 
 the last reque-t he sliould have to make, he 
 begged they would not requ're him to cross 
 that stream, as he felt he could not survive 
 the ( ffort. Under the difiicu t circumstances 
 in which they were placed, they could not 
 resist such an appeal, and the}' therefore turned 
 back along the path which led into the forest, 
 not knowing where to go, or on what plan to 
 proceed. They at last arrived at the little 
 shanty I have 'mentioned, and it Iwing the 
 only place of refuge for many miles, his staff 
 requested the Duke to remiin there. After 
 looking at it for a short time, he said he 
 Would preft-r to go into the barn rather than 
 into ti.e hovel, as he felt sure it was further 
 from water. Ills attendants of course imme- 
 diately assented to his wish, and he then 
 Rprang over a high fence and walked in. 
 lie remained in thai barn tie whol; day, oc- 
 ca.-^iondly perfectly collected, with interinis 
 sions of .-p sniodic paroxysms, which affectt d 
 both n\inil and boly. Towards evening he 
 consented to be moved into the hut, an 1 ac- 
 c(irilinglY such a bed as could be got ready 
 WR^ s|)ei (lily prepared. The officers in at'end- 
 ani.e anxioii-ly watched over him throughout 
 th-' night, and he became so much more c dm 
 that ili"y suffered themselves to hope that 
 Ik- might recover. 
 
 Tlij Duke, however, who, from many 
 circuin>;taiices, which afterwards transpiit;;!, 
 must, for .-several days, have been clearly 
 seivdile, not only of the nature of his malady, 
 but 'hat he could not survive it, w.is now 
 perfeo'Jy aware of his approaching end, 
 an ' a'cnydingly, after calmly expressing to 
 
 thoie around him that his greatest earthly 
 consolation was that his title and name 
 would be inherited by a s m of whoso charac- 
 ter he declared the highest opinion and confi- 
 dence, he died expressing calm resignation 
 to the will of God, and without a struggle. 
 His body was brought down in a cauqefrom 
 the Rideau to Montreal, where his family, 
 who had scarceh' heard of his illness, had 
 assembled to welcome his return ; and was 
 subsequfntlj- removed in a steamer to Quebec 
 where, after lying in state for some davs, bis 
 remains were interred close to the commu-, 
 nion-ta'jle in the cathedral of Quebec. 
 Nothing could exceed the alliietion, not only 
 of those immediately about him, but of the 
 inhabitants of both Canadas, by whom he 
 was universally beloved. — " Tlie Emigratit," 
 by Sir Francis Head. 
 
 "WELLINGTON SURPP.ISKD. 
 
 A nobleman ventured, in a moment of coc- -' 
 viviality at his Grace's table, to put this 
 question to him : — " Allow me to a-sk, as we 
 are all here titled, if you were not suKPaisED 
 at Waterk)o?" To which the Duke re- 
 sponded, " No ; but I am now," 
 
 COLURIDSE " DONK UP."' 
 
 It is not easy, says Coleridge, to put me out 
 of countenance, or interrupt the feeling of 
 the time by mere external noise or circum- 
 stance ; yet on.'e I v/as thoroughly done up, 
 as you would say. 1 was reciting, at a par- 
 ticular house, the " Remorse ; " and wae in 
 the miilst of Aliiadra's description of the 
 death of her husband, when a .•^crubbj" boy, 
 with a shining face Bet in dirt, burst open the 
 door and cried out — "Pleose, rad'am, master 
 says, Wid you ha', or will you not ha', the 
 pin-round?" 
 
 A <-OOL HAND. 
 
 At Trenton Falls, in the United States, a / 
 j'onng lady and her lover were g >ing along 
 the water-side, and, in order to retaiu hold 
 of her hand, he walked upon a nnrro'.v ridge, 
 where he could hardly bahince bimseli". The 
 girl said, " Oh, if you walk there, 1 shall let 
 you go." She did so, ajid, in the same in- 
 stant, he slipped from the rock, and was 
 dragged away to that dark <le<iili. 
 
 HANOB".. AND THE BISHOP.S 
 
 At the coronation of George 11., the Bishops 
 having si-lectsd the woDtls for the anthem, 
 sent them, for composition, to Handel, who 
 returned them, observing tlint he read his 
 bible, and coidd cl)oo.se a subject tor himself 
 lie fixe<l on the hncs, "31y heart is h.diting 
 a good matter." It was ii remark of Mrs. 
 Gibber, the actre.^s, justified by the fact, that 
 with th-' hand of a giant, he had the finger 
 of a child: his knuckles were Concave, and 
 dimple.l as tho.se of an intant; but his touch 
 was so smooth .ind imperceptible, that his 
 fiHgeis seemed to grow to the instrument. 
 He had a favourite Uucker harpsiehord. the 
 keys of which, by inoessant practice, were 
 hollowed like the bowl of a spoon.
 
 68 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 GOOD NEIGHBOURS. 
 
 Dr. Cyril Jackson, Dean of Christchurch, 
 thought but little of Hajley, either as a poet 
 or scholar. He considered him merely as a 
 literary f,'Ossip, and was, therefore, by no 
 means desirous of cultivating any intimacj' 
 with him when they became neif^^hbours. 
 Hayley, however, called upon the Dean, and 
 was received with ordinary courtesy. When 
 he rose to take his leave, the Dean shook 
 him by the hand, and said: " Mr. Hayley, I 
 trust that you and I may always be very- 
 good friends and neighbours ; that is, I trust 
 -. that we may see very little of one another." 
 
 Sheridan's distresses. 
 V' Few men of genius since Sir Richard 
 ^ Steele's time have undergone greater difficul- 
 ties ; and none have had recourse to more 
 extraordinary modes for the purpose of rais- 
 ing mono}', or obtaining credit, than Sheridan. 
 Some were so ludicrous as to excite Biirih, 
 and can hardlj- obtain belief. He res dec! 
 during several years in Bruton-street, Berke- 
 ley-square, where the house was frequently so 
 beset with duns or bailiffs, that even the pro- 
 visions rrquisite for his family were intro- 
 duced over the iron railing down the area. 
 In the course of the year 1786, while living 
 there, he entertained at dinner a number of 
 the opposition leaders, though he laboured at 
 the time under almost insurmountable pecu- 
 niary embarrassments. All his plate, as well 
 as his books, were lodged in pawn. Having, 
 nevertheless, procured from the pawnbroker 
 an assurance of the liberation of liis plate for 
 the day, he applied to Beckett, the celebrated 
 bookseller in Pall Mall, to fill his empty book- 
 cases. Bpckett not only agreed to the pro- 
 position, but promised to ornament the vacant 
 shelves with some of the most expensive and 
 splendid productions of the British press, 
 provided that two men, expresslj' sent for the 
 purpose by himself, should be present to 
 superintend their immediate restoration. It ' 
 was settled finally that these librarians of | 
 Beckett's appointment should put on liveries ■ 
 for the occusion, and wait at table. The ' 
 company having assembled, were shown into 
 an apartment, where the bookcases being 
 opened for the purpose, they had leisure, be- 
 fore dinner was served, to admire the ele- 
 gance of Sheridan's literary taste, and the 
 magnificence of his collection. But, as all ! 
 machinery is liable to accidents, so, in this ' 
 instance, a failure had nearly taken place, | 
 wiiich must have proved fatal to the enter- ' 
 tainment. When everything was ready for 
 serving the dinner, it happened that, either ' 
 frora the pawnbroker's distrust, or from some 
 unforeseen delay on his part, the spoons and 
 forks had not arrived. Repeated messages 
 were dispatched to hasten them, and they at 
 Inst made their appearance; but so critically 
 and so late, that there not being ti'"" left to 
 dean them, they were thrown into iiui water, 
 wiped, and instantly laid on the table. The 
 evening then passed in the most joyous and 
 festive manner. 
 
 DUNNIXG AND LORD TRURLOVir. 
 
 When it was the custom for barristers to 
 leave chambers early, and to finish their even- 
 ings at the coffeehouses in the neighbour- 
 hood of the inns of court, Lord Thurlow on 
 some occasion wanted to sec Dunning pri- 
 vately. He went to the coffee-house fre- 
 quented by him, and asked a waiter if Mr. 
 Dunning was there. The waiter, who was 
 new in his place, said he did not know him. 
 "Not know him ! " exclaimed Tliurlow, with 
 his usual oaths; "go into the room up-stairs, 
 and if you see any gentleman like the knave 
 of clubs, tell him he is particularly wanted." 
 The waiter went up, and forthwith re-ap- 
 peared followed by Dunning. 
 
 CHARLES, DUKE OF NORFOLK. 
 
 In cleanliness the Duke was negligent to 
 so great a degree, that he rarely made use of 
 water for purposes of bodily refreshment and 
 comfort. He even carried the neglect of his; 
 person so far, that his servants were accus- 
 tomed to avail themselves of his fits of in- 
 toxication for the purpose of washing him. 
 On those occasions, being wholly insensible 
 to all that passed about him, they stripped 
 him as they would have done a corpse, and 
 performed on his body the necessary ablu- 
 tions. Nor did he change his linen more fre- 
 quently than he washed himself. Complain- 
 ing, one day, to Dudley North, that he was a 
 martyr to rheumatism, and had ineffectually 
 tried every remedy for its relief, " Pray, my 
 Lord," said he, "did you ever try a clean 
 shirt?" 
 
 A NARROW ESCAPE. 
 
 " One healthy clear morning, accompanied 
 by a friend," says Sir Francis Head, I was 
 enjoying my early walk along the cliff which 
 overhangs the Bay of Toronto, when I saw a 
 runaway horse and sleigh approaching me 
 at full gallop ; and it was not until both were 
 within a few yards of the precipice, that the 
 animal, suddenly seeing his danger, threw 
 himself on his haunches, and then, turning 
 from the death that had stared him in the 
 face, stood as if riveted to the ground. On 
 going up to the sleigh, which was one of 
 very humble fabric, I found seated in it a 
 wild young Irishman ; and, as he did not ap- 
 pear to be at all sensible of the danger from 
 which he had just been providentially pre- 
 served, I said to him, ' You have had i 
 most narrow escape, my man ! ' 'Och! your 
 honour,' he replied, ' it's nothing at ail. 
 It's just this bar as titches his hacks!' And, 
 to show me what he meant, he pulled at the 
 rein with all his strength, till the splinter- 
 bar touched the poor creature's thigh, when 
 instantly this son of Erin, looking as hsppy 
 as if he had just demonstrated a problem, 
 triumphantly exclaimed, ' There 'tis again ! ' 
 And away he went, if possible, faster than 
 before. I watched him till the horse gal- 
 loped with him completely out cf my 
 sight; indeed, he vanished like a meteor ia 
 the sky, and where he came from, and where 
 he went, 1 am ignorant to this day." 
 
 V 
 
 \
 
 { 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 «9 
 
 EAR AND TASTE FOR MUSIC. 
 
 Coleridge notes: "An ear for music is a 
 very diftl-rent dii.ig from a taste for music. 
 I have no ear wha'ever ; 1 could not sing an 
 air to save my life ; but I have the intensest 
 Relight in music, and can detect good from 
 bad. Naldi, a good fellow, remarked to me 
 once at a concert, that I did not seem much 
 interested with a piece of Rossini's which 
 had just been performed. I sail it sounded 
 to me like nonsense verses. But I could 
 scarcely contain myself when a thing of 
 Beethoven's followed." 
 
 " THE I,AST WAR." 
 
 Mr. Pitt, once speaking in the House of 
 Commons, in the earlj- part of his career, of 
 the glorious war which preceded the disas- 
 trous one in wliich we lost the colonies, 
 called it " the last war." Several members 
 cried out, ''The last war but one." He 
 took no notice ; and soon after, repeating the 
 mistake, he was interrupted by a general cry 
 of " The hist war but one — the last war but 
 one." " I mean, sir," said Mr. Pitt, turning 
 to the Speaker, and raising his sonorous 
 voice, "I mean, sir, the last war that Bri- 
 tons would wish to remember." Whereupon 
 the cry was instantly chai.ged into an uni- 
 versal cheering, long and loud. 
 
 ORIGIN OF THE BURNING OF MOSCOW. 
 
 Previous to the entiy of the French, the 
 Governor of the city, in September, 1812, 
 Count Kostophchin, and the nobles, in 
 a public assemblj', had determined to 
 destroy the city which they could no 
 longer defend : the authorities carried off 
 with them the fire-engines, and every thing 
 which could arrest a conflagration ; and the 
 persons .selected for the duty of firing the 
 buildings only awaited the departure of their 
 countrymen. A fire speedily broke out in 
 the great market-place; and though it was 
 got under, a fresh one appeared at mid- 
 night on the loth, in the northern and 
 western parts of the city, which was spread 
 in all directions by the violence and fre- 
 quent change of the wind. The soldiero 
 were incapable of arresting its progrt ?s, and 
 by the 18th and 19th the whole city was one 
 ocean of flame. Volumes of fire of various 
 colours, from the vast stores of combustibles 
 in the shops, ascended to the heavens; while 
 the troops, tormented by hunger and thirst, 
 and released from all discipline by the sur- 
 rounding horrors, rushed in seai-ch of wine 
 and booty into the burning edifices, under the 
 ruins of which many perished miserably. 
 Nine-tenths of the city were destroyed, and 
 the remainder, abandoned to pillage, and de- 
 serted by the inhabitants, offered no resources 
 to the army. The Kmperor had been com- 
 pelled to leave the Kremlin on the 16th, and 
 with difficulty made his way through the 
 rushing flames to tlie country" palace of Pe- 
 trowsky, whence he cast a meimcholv look on 
 the burning city, and exclaimed, " ITiis event 
 is the presage of along tram of disasters." 
 
 REGALITY OF GENIUS. 
 
 Gibbon, in speaking of his own genealogy, 
 refers to the fact of Fielding being of the 
 same family as the Earl of Denbigh, who, in 
 common with the imperial family of Austria, 
 is descended from the celebrated Kodolph of 
 Hapsburgh. " While the one branch," he 
 says, " have contented themselves with being 
 sheriffs of Leicestershire and justices of the 
 peace, the others have been Emperors of 
 German)' and Kings of Spain ; but the mag- 
 nificent romance of Tom Jones ' will be read 
 with pleasure when the palace of the i.scu- 
 rial is in ruins, and the Imperial eagle of 
 Austria is rolling in the dust." 
 
 BKAU NASH. 
 
 The celebrated Btau Nash, who was long /" 
 master of the ceremonies, and (by courtesy ; 
 " King of Bath," was a sleeping partner in 
 one of the most thriving of the Bath 
 gambling-houses. Connected with Ids 
 transactions in this line, we give the follow- 
 ing curious anecdotis, which will show that 
 whatever were the delects of his head, his 
 heart was always in the right place : — The 
 
 Earl of T , when a young man, was 
 
 inordinately addicted to gambling, and in 
 particular loved to have the King of Bath 
 for his opponent. He was, however, no 
 match for his Majesty, who, after winning 
 several trifling sums from him, resolved to 
 attempt his cure, foreseeing that otherwise 
 he would fall a prey to adventurers who 
 might not be so forbearing as himself. Ac- 
 cordingly he engaged his Lordship one 
 evening in play to a very serious amount, 
 and won from "him first all his ready money, 
 then the title-deeds of his e-tates, and finally 
 the very watch in his pocket, and the rings 
 on his fingers. When he had thus sufficientl)' ' 
 punished the j'oung nobleman for his infatua- 
 tion, Nash read him a lecture on the flagrant 
 impropriety of attempting to make m^ney 
 by gambling, when poverty cannot be 
 pleaded in justification of such conduct, 
 after which he returned him all his winnings, 
 merely exacting from him a promise that he 
 would never play again ! Not less generously 
 did he b.have to an Oxford student, who had 
 come to spend the Long Vacation at Bath. 
 The givenhorn, who alsi affected to be a 
 gamester, was lucky enough to win a large 
 sum of money from our beau, and, after the 
 game was ended, was invited by him to 
 supper. " Peih:ips," said Nash, "you think 
 I have asked you for the jjurpose of securing 
 my revenge; but 1 can assure you that my 
 sole motive in requesting your company is 
 to set you on your guard, and to entreat you 
 to be warned by my experienc.^, and to shun 
 play as you would the devil. This is strange 
 advice for one like me to give ; but I feel 
 for your youth and inexperience, and am 
 convinced' that if you do not stop where 
 you now are you will infallibly be ruined." 
 
 I A few nights' afterwards, having lost his 
 entire fortune at the gHmbling-table, the 
 
 ' young man blew his brains out.
 
 701 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK, 
 
 SELF-DEVOTION AND COOKERY. 
 
 Vatel was the maitre d' hotel of the great 
 Conde: the closing scene of his life is one of 
 the most extraordinary instances of self-devo- 
 tion recorded in hisiory. Itappearsthat Louis 
 XIV. was on a visit to Conde', at Chantilly : 
 The collation was served in a room huug 
 with jonquils; all was as could be ivibhed. 
 At supper there were some tables where the 
 roiist was wantinfi, on account of several 
 partii s wMch had not been expected; this 
 affected Vatel; he said several times, "I 
 am dishonoured ; this is a disgrace that I 
 cannot endure." He Sidd to Gourville, " My 
 - head is dizzy; I have not slept for twelve 
 nights. Assist me in giving orders." Gour- 
 ville assistfrd him as much as he could. The 
 roa:-t, «hich had been wanting, not at the 
 table of the Kii g, but at the inferior tables, 
 was constantly presunt to hia mind. Gour- 
 ville rieniiimed it to the Prince : the Prince 
 even went to the chamber of Vatel, and said 
 to him : '• Vatel, a'l is going on well ; notbii g 
 could equal the supper of the King." He 
 replied: " Monseigneur, j'our goodness over- 
 powers me; I know that the roast was want- 
 ing at two tables." " Nothing of the sort," 
 said the Prince ; " do not distress yourself; 
 all is going on well." Night came; the lire- 
 works failed : they had cost sixteen thousand 
 francs. He rose at four the next morning, 
 determined to attend to everything in per- 
 son. He found everybody asleep. He meets 
 one of the inferior purveyors, who brought 
 only two packages of sea-fish : he asks, " Is 
 that all?" " Yes, sir." The man was not 
 aware that Vatel had sent to all the sea- 
 ports. Vatel waits some time; the other 
 pur\'eyors did not arrive: his brain began to 
 burn ; he believed that there would be no 
 more fish. He finds Gourville ; he said to 
 him, " Monsieur, I shall never survive this 
 disgrace." Gourville made light of it. Vatel 
 goes up-stairs to his room, places his sword 
 against the door, and stabs himself to the 
 heart; but it was not until the third blow, 
 after giving himself two not mortal, that he 
 fell dead. The fi>h, however, arrives from 
 all quarters ; they seek Vatel to distribute 
 it; they go to his room — they knock — the}' 
 force open the door : he is found bathed in 
 his blood. They hasten to tell the Prince, 
 who is in despair. The Duke wept ; it was 
 on Vatel that his journey from Buigund}' 
 hinged. The Priuoe related what had passed 
 to the King, with marks of the deepest sor- 
 row. It was attributed to the high sense of 
 honour which he had after his own way. He 
 was veiy highly commended ; his courage 
 was praised and blamed at the same time. 
 The King said he had delayed coming to 
 Chantilly lor five years, for fear of the em- 
 barrassment he should cause. 
 
 COUGHING DOWN. 
 
 y One evening when Mr. Hunt was speaking 
 
 in the House of Commons, an honourable 
 member was unusually persevering in his 
 efforts to cough him down. Mr. Hunt cured 
 
 the honourable gentleman of his cough by 
 
 one short sentence, which, delivered as it 
 vr9s with infinite dramatic effect, created 
 universal laughter. Mr. Hunt put his hand 
 into his pantaloons pocket, and, aUer 
 fumbling about for a few seconds, said, with 
 the utmost imaginable coolness, that he was 
 (xtreniely sorry to find that he had not a few 
 lozenges in his pocket for the benefit of the 
 lionouraLle meniber, who seemed to be so 
 distressed with a cough, but he could a^sure 
 him he would provide S'lnie for him by next 
 night. Never did doctor prescribe more 
 effectually : not only did Mr. Hunt's tor- 
 mentor tiom that moment get rid of his 
 cough, but it never returned, at least while 
 Mr. Hunt was speaking. 
 
 IRISH SKILL. .^ 
 
 Droll, though not very logical or con-'^ 
 elusive, was the reply of the tipsy Irishman, 
 who, as he supported himsell bj' the iron 
 railings of Merrion-square, wa^ advised by a ; 
 passenger to betake himself home. "Ah,. I 
 now, be aisy ; I five in the squaio ; isn^t it 1 
 going round and round, and w hen I see ray 
 own door come up, won't I pep into it in a ■ 
 jiftey?" 
 
 CALAMY AND CHf-MWELL. 
 
 Calamy, the celebrated Presbyterian mi- \. 
 nister, on one occasion objer*ed to Cromwell ■ 
 assuming the supreme power as Protector, 
 as being, in his opinion, both unlawful and 
 impracticable. Ciomwell observed, he cared 
 little about the lawfulness; but ^^hy, may 
 I ask you," he replied, '• is it impracticable?" 
 "Ohf" observed the divine, "it is imprac- 
 ticaWe, inasmuch as it is against tiie \ oice 
 of the people : you will have nine iu ten 
 against you." "" Very well, sir," replied 
 Ciomwell; "but what if I should disarm 
 the nine, and put the sword into the t-nth 
 man's hand: would that not do the business, 
 think you?" The events which sueceeded 
 proved that Cromwell not only entertained 
 the opinion he thus expressed, but that he 
 also acted upon it. 
 
 THE WAY OF THE WORLD. 
 
 Louis XVIII. was a gastnnomeof the 
 first water, and had the Due d'Escar for his 
 grand maitre d'hotel, a man whose fortunes 
 were hardly on a par with his deserts. He 
 died inconsolable at not having given his 
 name to a single dish, after devoting his 
 whole life to the culinary art. When his 
 best friends wished to wound him mortally, 
 the}' had only to mention the Veau a la 
 Bechamel. " Gentlemen," he would exclaim, 
 "say no more about it, or fancy me the 
 author and inventor of the dish. This French 
 Revolution was necessary, that, in the gene- 
 ral break-up, poor Be'thamel should be deco- 
 ra' ed with his glor}'. Efitre 7wus, he was 
 wholly innocent of any invention whatever. 
 But such is the way of the world ! lie goes 
 straight to posterity, and your most humble 
 sen-ant will end by having no token of 
 remembrance behind him."
 
 KAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 71 
 
 i,i;dicrous scene. 
 V, The follo'.viiif^ scene, which took place at 
 A Desseins's Hotel, at Calais, is related in the 
 I diary of R?ynold4 the dramatist : — " Want- 
 I lag to walk on the Pier," says iMr. Reynolds, 
 '1 asktd the gwfoit, v.-ho spoke Enj^li-h 
 ' very tolerably, the French for it. He, think- 
 ing 3Iilord Anylah could mean nothing 
 but peer, a lord, replied /)«/»•. Away I then 
 went, and passing over the market-place and 
 drawbiidge, stumbled on the pier, without 
 having had occasion to inquire my way to it 
 by the gaixnn's novel appellation. There 1 
 remained, strutting my half-hoar, till dinner- 
 time. At the tahk cVliote, the Commandant 
 of the troops of the town sat next to me ; 
 and among other officers and gentlemen at 
 the table, were the President of the Council 
 at Ratisbon, a Russian Count, and several 
 Prus-iians — in all amounting to about twenty, 
 not one of whom, as it appeared to me, 
 spoke a word of English. I thought I could 
 never please a Frenchman so much as by 
 praising his town : — ' Monsieur,' I said, con- 
 descendingly, to the Commandant, 'J'ai vu 
 votre pair,' meaning. ' 1 have seen j-our 
 pier ;' but which he naturally understood, ' I 
 have seen your father.' This address from a 
 perfect Strang r surprised him. 'II est beau 
 et grand, monsieur,' I ciaitinued. The 
 Conim.mdant examined me from head to 
 foot with an astonishment that imparted to 
 me an almost equal share. I saw there was 
 a mistake, and I attempted to explain, by 
 pronouncing very articulately, ' Oui, raon- 
 sifur, j'ai vu votre pair — votre pair, sui- le 
 hjivre.' ' Ell bien, monsieur,' replied the 
 Commandant, ' et que vous a-t-il dit ?' 
 (What did he say to you?) I was asloiuided, 
 and looking round the room for the keeper of 
 the supposed madman, I discoven-d that 
 the eyes of the whole of the company were 
 upon me. ' Monsieur,' I cried, again at- 
 tempting to explain, with as much delibera- 
 tien and precision, and in as good French as 
 I could cummaiid — ' Monbieur, est-il possible 
 que vous re'sidiez ici et que vous ne cou- 
 naissiez pas votre pair — votre pair — si loi'g!' 
 Thia speech only incre;'.:;i'd the incompre- 
 hensibility of the whole conversation; and 
 the Commandant beginning, in rather haul 
 en bas terms, to demand an explanation, like 
 all cowards, when driven into a corner, I became 
 de.'^perate. ' ilessieurs,' 1 cried, somewhat 
 boi terously, ' il faut que vous connaissiez 
 votre pair! le pair de voire villc, qui est fait 
 de picrre, et a la tOte de b' is.' This w.as the 
 covp de grace til M decorum; every French- 
 man abandoned himself to his lauglitcr, till 
 the room fairly shook with their shouts, and 
 even the Counnandant himself could not 
 help joining them. 'Allow me, sir,' said a 
 gentleman whom I bad not previously ob- 
 .served — 'My dear sir,' interrupted I,"' you 
 are an Englishman, pray, pray explain.' 
 'Sir,' he rtjilied, 'you have just told this 
 gentleman,' pointing to the Commandant, 
 ' that his father is titefatjurof the ichok town, 
 that he is made of stojie, and has a wooden 
 
 heaetir I was paralyzed. 'Tell me,' I 
 cried, as if my life depended on an answer, 
 'what is the F'reiicli for pier?' ^ Jetee,' 
 he replied. I had scarcely sense enough 
 left to assist the Englishman in his good- 
 natured attempts to unravel the em r. He 
 succeeded, however, and then commenced in 
 French an explanation to the officers. A 
 this moment the waiter informed me that 
 the St. Omer diligence was about to depart. 
 I rushed from the scene of my disgrace, and 
 stepped into the vehicle just as the termina- 
 tion of the Englishman's recital exploded au 
 additional eclat de lire at my expense." 
 
 suett's landlady. 
 Suett had at one time a landlady who 
 exhibited an inordinate love for the vulgar 
 fluid gin, a beverage which Suett himself by 
 no mean.^ held in abhorrence. She would 
 order her servant to get the supplies after tlie 
 following fashion : " Betty, go afld get a 
 quartern 'oaf, and half a quartern of gin. 
 Off started Betty. She was speedily re- 
 called : " Betty make it ha/f a quartern 
 loaf, and a quartern of gin." But Bett}- had 
 never fairly got across the threshhold on the 
 mission ere the voice was again heard : 
 " Betty, on second thoughts, you may as well 
 make it all gin." 
 
 A KED-POST SQtJIRE. 
 
 Some years since, there resided in Devon- 
 shire a certain old gentleman, named Red- 
 post Fynes, from his having painted all the 
 gates of his fields a bright vermillion. The 
 squire was remarkable for never having been 
 able to learn to spJl even the commonest 
 Words in his own language ; so that, on the 
 birth of his daughter, he wrote to a friend 
 that his wife was brought to bed of a fine gidl. 
 Near his house ■was a verj' old ;md gri tesque 
 tree, cut and clipped into tlie form of a punch- 
 bowl ; whilst a table and seats were literally 
 affixed within the green enclosure, to which 
 was an ascent by a little ladder, like the 
 companion-ladder of a ship. 
 
 NEWSPAPER STAMP. 
 
 The following account of the origin of the 
 newspaper stamp is given by Mr. Cooke, in 
 his " Life of Bolingbroke :" — '• (^ueen Anne, 
 in one of her messages to Parliament, de- 
 clared, that, by seditious papers and f.ictious 
 runijurs, designing men had been able to >ink 
 credit, and that the innocent had suftVrtd; 
 and she rLcommended the House to lind a 
 remtdy equal to the mischief. In obedience 
 to the Queen's desire, and at the instance of 
 her Secretary, the Parliament passed a bill, 
 in 1712, imposing a stamp duty upon pam- 
 phlets and i)iiblications. At its origin, the 
 amount of this stamp was a halfpenny ; and 
 it is curious to observe what an effect this 
 trilling impost had upon the circulation of 
 the most favourite papers. Slany were en- 
 tirely discontinued, and several of those 
 which survived were generally united ir 
 one publicatio'i."
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 WHIST. % 
 
 Mrs. Bray relates the following of a Dtvon- 
 shire physician, happilv named Yial, who 
 was a desperate lover of whist. One even- 
 ing, in tlie midst of a deal, the Doctor fell 
 off his chair in a fit ! Consternation seize 1 
 on the company. Was he alive or dead? 
 What was to be done.' All help was given 
 hartshorn was almost poured down his 
 throat by one kind female friend, whilst 
 another feelingly singed the end of his 
 nose with buining feathers : all were in the 
 breathless agoi'y of su-pense for his safety. 
 At length, he showed signs of life, and, re- 
 taining tie last fond idea which had pos- 
 sesstd him at the moment he fell into the 
 fir, to the joy of ihe whole company, ex- 
 claimed, "\Vhat is trumps.'" 
 
 A LESSON FOR A GOVERNOR 
 
 " Within a week after my arrival at To- 
 routo," ssLys Sir Francis Head, " 1 had to re- 
 ctive an address fn'm the S|ieiiker and Com- 
 mons' House of Assembly; and on inquiring 
 in what manner I was to perform my part in 
 the ceremony allotted to me, 1 was informed 
 that I was to sit very still on a large scarlet 
 chair with my hat on. The first half was 
 evidently an easj* job ; but the latter part 
 was really revolting to my habits and feel- 
 ings, and as I thought I ought to try and 
 govern by my head and not by my hat, I felt 
 convinced that the former would risk nothing 
 by being fur a few minutes divorced from 
 the latter, and accordingly I determined with 
 white gloves to hold the thing in ni}' hands; 
 and several of my English pirty quite agreed 
 with me in thinking my pr. ject not only an 
 innocent but a virtuous act of common cour- 
 tesj' : however, I happened to mention my 
 intention to an Upper Canadian, and never 
 shall I forget the look <.f silent scon; with 
 which he listened to me. I really quite 
 quailed beneath the reproof, which, without 
 the utterance of a word, and after scanning 
 me from head to foot, his mild intelligent 
 faithful countenance read to me, and which 
 but too clearly expressed — 'What! to pur- 
 chase five minutes' loathsome popularity, 
 will you barter one of the few remaining 
 prerogatives of the British Crowu.'' Will 
 you, for the vain hope of conciliating insatia- 
 ble Democracy, meanly sell to it one of the 
 distinctions of your station ? Miserable man ! 
 beware, before it be tio late, of surrendering 
 piecemeal that which it is your duty to main- 
 tain, and for which, after all, you will only 
 receive in exchange contumelj' and con- 
 tempt!' I remained for a few seconds as 
 mute as my Canadian Mentor, and then, 
 without taking any notice of the look with 
 which he had been chastising me, I spoke to 
 him on some other subjects; but I did not 
 forget the picture I had seen, and accord- 
 ingly my hat was tight enough on my 
 head when the Speaker bowed to it, and 
 I shall ever feel indebted to that man for 
 the sound political lei^son which he taught 
 me." 
 
 SOUND. 
 
 Pepys notes in his Diary, 1666, " Dis- 
 coursed with Mr. Hooke about the nature of 
 sounds, who told me, that having come to a 
 certain number of vibrations proper to make 
 any tone, he is able to tell how many strokes 
 a fly makes with her wings (those flies that 
 hum in their fl}ing) by the note that it 
 answers to in music, during tbeir flying. 
 That, I suppose, is a little too much retined ; 
 but his discourse, in general, of sound, was 
 mighty fine." 
 
 BLACK PREACHING. 
 
 Daddy, or Uncle Dickey, of Sierra Leone, 
 ascended the pulpit, a large, heavy-headed 
 Negro, in a blue coat, with bright metal but- 
 tons. Every tongue was silenced, every look 
 fixed, whdst his sharp eye searched each 
 countenance previous to the delivery of his 
 text. The precise subject which the sermon 
 was designed to enforce, it would be difficult 
 to define ; even the text being unintelligible, 
 with exception of the words " Sasas, Meesas, 
 and Bennygo," whom he stated to have been 
 " three men walking in an oven." He spake 
 of " Nebuchadnezzas " as " Daddy King, 
 who done make big feast, with plenty- ba- 
 nana, plenty yam, plenty kuskusoo, plentj' 
 beef- steak and rice, plent}' mm nnd palm- 
 oil, plenty too much." From the zests of 
 the table he plunged into a fervid descrip- 
 tion of the burning abyss, where " worm no 
 die," and where unfortunates might pra}' for 
 the rainy season, " but stop a bit, he no done 
 come ye: ;" and where he assure.! his friends 
 most of them would inevitably hve in endless 
 pain and "troublio." 
 
 At the moment of his speaking the ther- 
 mometer was standing at 96° in the shade, 
 and the oppressed sense felt this eloquence. 
 "Oh I" he exclaimed, dashing himself for- 
 ward, " you ! all bad ! bad ! fader in he'm, 
 moder in he'm ; you soul in hell, hissing hot 
 in fire and bimtomy ! Den soul have big 
 palaver with God : soul him say, God ! what 
 matter for me no inglorio!' The discourse 
 was prolonged over many a weaiy half-hour. 
 At length, when every terrific denvmciation 
 and witheringcurse, which depended upon fire, 
 and red-hot iron, and brimstone, and involved 
 maddening thirst and burnt members, had 
 been introduced with small regard to any 
 specific plan, utterance became impeded by 
 hoarseness, the drj- tongue cleaved to the roof 
 of the mouth, and the sermon faded and fell, 
 not from a logical conclusion having been at- 
 tained, but from sheer inability to talk longer. 
 
 One of the black preachers in Freetown 
 preached from the text, " Molchizedec with- 
 out father, without mother, without descent," 
 which he proceeded to explain to his audi- 
 ence . " Dat mean far say — without father, 
 him have no daddy; without mother, him 
 have no mammy; without d^e-cent,* dat 
 mean for say, without anv genteel behaviour 
 at all." 
 
 * Accenting the first syllable.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 73 
 
 CARD-PLAYING. 
 
 The Queen of Louis XV. was immoderately 
 fond of cards, and was never, perhaps, more 
 delighted than when M. de Maurepas, on 
 the occision of the death of a Monarch in 
 alliance with France declared to her Majesty 
 that "Piquet was not obliged to go into 
 ' mourning." 
 
 THE RESTORATION. 
 
 There is a tradition in Scotland, that a 
 dram of brandy produced the resLoration o 
 Charles II. The messenger from the Parlia- 
 ment of England had brought letters to 
 Monk whilst he remained at Edinburgh. 
 This messenger was at length entrusted with 
 despatches to the Governor of Edinburgh 
 Castle, a circumstance which he mentioned 
 to one of Monk's servants while on his jour- 
 ney. The man (a sergeant) saw something 
 unusual in this, and prevailed upon his fel- 
 low-traveller to drink a dram of brandy with 
 him at a neighbouring alehouse, where the 
 messenger became ultimately so drunk, that 
 the sergeant was enabled to take the papers 
 from his custody without detection. This 
 done, he posted to his General with the 
 packet, who, on perusing its contents, found 
 an order for his arrest and detention at the 
 Castle. Policy and resentment at once 
 directed the eyes of Monk to Charles Stuai't, 
 and his restoration succeeded. 
 
 INTENSE COLD I.V C^VNADA. 
 
 v/ Sir Francis Head relates the following 
 instances of the loss of limbs by the inten- 
 sity of the cold in Canada : — " 1 one day in- 
 quired of a fine, ruddj', honest-looking man, 
 who called upon me, and whose toes and 
 insteps of each foot had been truncated, 
 how the accident happened ? He told me 
 that the first winter he came from Eng- 
 land he lust his way in the forest, and that 
 after walking for some hours, feeling pain in 
 his feet, he took oft" his boots, and from the 
 flesh immtdiatel}^ swelling, he was unable to 
 put them on again. His stockings, which 
 were very old ones, soon wore into holes, 
 and as rising on his insteps he was hurriedlj' 
 proceeding he knew not where, he saw with 
 alarm, but without feeling the slightest pain, 
 first one toe and then another break off as if 
 they had bean pieces of brittle stick, and in 
 this mutilated state he continm d to advance 
 till he reached a path which led him to an 
 inhabited log-house, where he remained suf- 
 fering great pain tili his cure was efl'ected. 
 On another occabion, while an Englishman 
 was driving, one bright beautiful day, in a 
 sleigh on the ice, his horse suddenly ran away, 
 and fancying he could stop him better with- 
 out his cumbersome tur gloves than with 
 them, he unfortunately took them off. As 
 the infuriated animal at his utmost speed 
 proceeded, the man, who was facing a keen 
 north-west wind, felt himself gradually, as it 
 were, turning into marble ; and, by the time 
 he stopped, both his hands were so com- 
 pletely' and so irrecoverably frozen, that he 
 was obliged to have them amputated." 
 
 GAINSBOROUGH S PIGS. 
 
 A countryman was shown Gainsborough's 
 celebrated picture of " The Pigs." " To be 
 sure," said he, " they be deadly like pig-< , 
 but there is one fault ; nobody ever saw 
 three pigs feeding together, but what one on 
 'em had a foot in the trough." 
 
 PORTRAIT OF NAPOLEON. 
 
 The following description of the person of 
 Napoleon is given by Ca|)tain Maitland, in 
 his '■ Narrative of the Surrenaer of Bona- 
 parte," in 1815: — "He was then a remark- 
 ably strong, well-built man, about five feet 
 seven inches high, his limbs particularly well 
 formed, with a tine ancle and a very small 
 foot, of which he seemed verj' vain, as tie 
 always wore, while on board the ship, silk 
 stockings and shoes. His hands were also 
 small, and had the plumpness of a woman's 
 rather than the robustness of a man's. His 
 ej-es were light grey, his teeth good ; and, 
 when he smiled, the expression of his coun- 
 tenance was highly pleasing : when under 
 the influence of diappointment, however, it 
 assumed a dark and gloomy cast. His hair 
 was a very dark brown, nearly ipproachiug to 
 black; and, though a little thin on the top 
 and front, had not a grey hair amongst ii. 
 His complexion was a very un. ommon one, 
 being of a light sallow colour, ditlerent from 
 any other I ever met with. From his being 
 corpulent, he had lost much of his activity." 
 
 MOZ.VItT AND THE OUCHES rRA. 
 
 Mozart, being once on a visit at Marseilles, v_ 
 went to the ojiera incognito, to hear the per- 
 formance of his "ViUanella Itapita." He 
 had reason to be tolerably Avell satisfied, till, 
 in the midst of the principal aria, the 
 orchestra, through some error in the copying 
 of the score, sounded a D natural where the 
 composer had written D sharp. This sub- 
 stitution did not injure the harmony, but 
 gave a common-place character to the 
 phrase, and obscured the st-ntiment of the 
 composer. Mozart no sooner heard it than 
 he started up vehemently, and, from the 
 middle of the pit, cried out in a voice of 
 thunder, "Will > ou play D sharp, you 
 wretches?" The sensation produced m the 
 theatre may be imagined. The actors were 
 astounded, the lady who was singing stopped 
 short, the orchestra followed her example, 
 and the audience, with loud exclamations, 
 demanded the expulsion of the oft'ender. He 
 was accordingly st ized, and required to name 
 himself. He did so, and at the name of 
 Muzart the clamour suddenly subsided mto a 
 silence of respeetful awe, and which was soon 
 succeeded by reiterated shouts of applause 
 from all sides. It was insisted that the opera 
 should be recommenced. Mozart was in- 
 stalled in the orchestra, and directed the 
 whole performance. This time the D sharp 
 was played in its proper place, and the mu- 
 sicians themselves were surprised at the su- 
 perior effect produced. After the opera Mo- 
 zart was conducted in triumph to his hoteL
 
 "4 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 THE GAIXIPOT. 
 
 " I remember," sa3's Theodore Hook, "when 
 I was at school, two of the bo\s proceeded 
 to a pond for the purpose of swimming a 
 gallipot, which was the property of the 
 bigger boy of the two. It chanced that, in 
 the eagerness incidental to this exciting 
 amusetnent, the smaller bo}' tipped into the 
 wa er, and, after a good deal of struggling, 
 sank, and was drowned. After the melan- 
 choly catastrophe, the bigger boy was ques- 
 tioned as to what efforts he had made to 
 rescue his companion, and his answers made 
 it evident that he had by no means exerted 
 himself to the utmost. I'his conviction pro- 
 duced a severe rebuke from the tutor ; upon 
 which Master Simps'n burst into a flood of 
 tears, and said, ' I do think tliat I could 
 have saved Green — but, if I had tried, I 
 should have lost nvj t/allipot.' " 
 
 PRESENTUIEiST OF DEATH. 
 
 The following singular instance of presenti- 
 ment is related in Cadell's "Campaigns in 
 Eg} pt ." — " When the inlying picquets 
 turned out in the morning, a sulii'er ' f iny 
 company (the Grenadiers), named M'Kin- 
 lay, came up to me, handing a paper, and 
 said, 'Captain, here is my will; I am to be 
 killed to-day ; and I will all my arrears and 
 everything I have to my comrade, Hugh 
 Swift.' ' What nonsense, M'Kiulay,' I replied 
 to him ; 'go into action, and do what you 
 hare always done: behave like a brave sol- 
 dier.' He answered, ' I will do that, sir ; 
 but I am certain I am to be killed to-day, 
 and I request you to take my will.' To .'sa- 
 tisfy him, I took it, and the man fought 
 with the piquets during the whol.- day with 
 great coolness and gallantry. In the after- 
 noon, a little before the action was over, we 
 rejoined the regiment ; we had suffered much 
 but M'Kiulay was standing u .huit, close to 
 me ; upon which I observed to him, ' So, 
 MKml«j-, I suspect you are wrong this 
 time.' The right of the regiment being 
 posted on the round of a hill cut into steps 
 for the vines, a body of the enemy's sharp- 
 shooters came close under us, and opened a 
 fire to cover their retiring columns. iVl'Kin- 
 lay, seeing one of them taking aim over the 
 arm of a tig-tree in our direction, exclamieri, 
 ' Look at that rascal going to shoot our cap- 
 tain !' And, advancinjf^ one step down the 
 hill, he presented at the Frenchman, who, 
 however, was unfortunatel}- too quick for 
 him, for m an instant aftenvards poor M'Kin- 
 iay was shot through the ntck, and killed 
 on the spot. The same ball gave me a se- 
 vere contusion on the breast, and I fell with 
 ihe unfortunate man, and was actually co- 
 vered with his blood. He was one of the 
 best soldiers in the Grenadier company, and 
 was much regretted ; indeed, but for him, 
 it is probable 1 should not have lived to tell 
 this tale. The will was duly forwarded to 
 the War-Office, whence an order was issued 
 for his comrade Swift to receive all that was 
 due to him." 
 
 I CARTER FOOTE. 
 
 There was some ^ ears ago a character (of 
 Tavistock) in humble lii'e, whose name was 
 Cirter Foote. On returning from Oakhamp- 
 ton, whither he had journicd on liusiness, he 
 le-mounted liia horse, after hiving enjoyed 
 himself at the public-house, and attem[)ted 
 to pass the river below the liridye, by fording 
 it over. The day had been s'ormy, and one 
 of those sudden swells of the river (that 
 sometimes happen in hilly countries, where 
 the currents rush rapidly from the moors) 
 taking place, he found himself in extreme 
 danger. After long endeavouring to struggle 
 with the curre'it, he leajit from hishnrseupun 
 a large portion of rock, which still kept its 
 head above water; and there the unfor.unate 
 man stood calling aloud for help, though his 
 I cries were scarcely audible, from the roaring 
 of ti>e wind and the water. 
 
 Some person going bj- ran and procured a 
 ropp, which he ende^tvoured to throw to- 
 wards the rock ; but finding it impossible to 
 do so without further assistance, he begged 
 two men, belonging to Oakha^^pton, who 
 drew near the spot, to give him lielp and 
 save the stranger, whose life was in .^^o much 
 peril. One of them, however, very leisurely 
 looked at the sufferer, and <)nly saying, 
 " 'J'is a Tav'stock man, let un go," walked 
 off with his companion, and poor Garter Foote 
 was drowned. 
 
 MATHEWS IX AMERICA. 
 
 In 1834, Mr. Mathews revisited the United 
 States, though it had been afiirmt-d that he 
 d >red not cross the Atlantic atter his vivid 
 .sketches of the Americans ; but he had formed 
 a just estimate of his hold over their risible 
 faculiie.«, as well as of their comnn'n sense. He 
 met with slight opposition, which he put 
 down at once in a very able and uuinly ad- 
 diess; and henceforth his rtception was as 
 entbu-iustic as on his first visit. Writing 
 from New York, soon after his arrival there, 
 he says : " Brieflj', I am well, and successful 
 to the extent of my hojies — expectations — 
 wishes ; m}- wife is will also. There has 
 b. en an attempt at opposition, but a very 
 trifling one. There is an opposition theatre, 
 fom whence, it is sup]>oseif, emanated a hand- 
 bill, industriously circulated, to prevent my 
 being heard at all on my first appearance. I 
 was, however, to the discomtlture of my 
 enemies, received with huzzas and waving 
 (if hats. The house was crammed The bill 
 gave m<? a. grievance — an oppoitunity to ad- 
 dress them, and I did, I flatter myself, speak 
 so boldl}' tivid independently on the subject 
 that I silenced for ever (whi h means during 
 my engagement) the attempts to injure me. 
 I pleilged myself to perform the 'trip,' as 
 I had in London, and on that rest my hopes 
 of refuting the charges brtnight against me. 
 In short, I triumphed, and the Yankees have 
 evinced their good sense in bearing with 
 good humviiir the jokes against thern. The 
 (Mditia Musier Folk,' dud 'Uncle Ben' 
 (ditto Judge), went as well as in England."
 
 EAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 75 
 
 THE FUcaaiA. 
 ■w Mr. Sheplierd, the respectable and well- 
 ^ informed conservator of the Botanic Gar- 
 dens at Liverpool, gives the following 
 curious account of the introduction of ihat 
 elegant little flowering sbrut), the Fuchsia, 
 , into our En lish green-houses and parlour 
 windows :— Old Mr. Lee, a nurseryman and 
 gardener near London, well known tifty or 
 sixty years ago, was one day showing his 
 variegated treasures to a friend, who sud- 
 denly turned to him and declared, " Well, 
 you have not in your collection a prettier 
 flower than I saw this morning at Wapping.^' 
 « No ! and pray what was this phoenix like ?'' 
 " Why, the pL.iit was eltgant, and the flowers 
 hung" in rows like tassels from the pendent 
 branches, their colour the richest crimson ; 
 in the centre a fold of deep purple," and so 
 forth. Particular directions being demanded 
 and given, Mr. Lee posted oft' to Wapping, 
 where he at once perceived that the plant 
 was new in this part of the world. He saw 
 > and admired. Entering the house, he said, 
 "My good woman, this is a nice plant ; I 
 shouh.v like to buy it." " Ah, sir, I could not 
 sell it for no money ; for it was brought me 
 from the West Indies by my husband, who 
 has now lift agiiin,and 1 must keep it for bis 
 sake." "But I must have it." '-No, sir." 
 " Here (emptying his pocket) ; here are 
 gold, silver, copper" (hk stock was something 
 more than eight guineas). " Well-a-day, 
 but this is a power of money, sure and sure." 
 "'Tis yours, and the plant is mine ; and, my 
 good dame, you shall have one of the first 
 young ones I rear, to keep for your hus- 
 band's sake." "Alack, alack !" " You shtill, 
 I .say, b)' Jove." A coach was called, ui 
 which was safely deposited our florist and his 
 seemingly dear purchase. His first work 
 was to pull otF and utterly destroy every 
 vestige of blossom and blossom-bud ; it was 
 divided into cuttings, which were forced in 
 bark-beds and hot-beds, were re-divided 
 and sub divided. Every eflFort was used to 
 multiply the plant. By the commencensent 
 of the next flowering season. Mr. Lee was the 
 delighted pos.^essor of 300 fuchsia plants, all 
 giving promise of blossom. The two which 
 opened tirst were removed into his tbow- 
 house. A lady came: " Whj', Mr. Lee, my 
 dear Mr. Lee, where did you get this cl;arm- 
 ing flower?" "Hom! 'tis a new thing, mj' 
 lady: pretty, is it not.'" "Pretty! 'ti's 
 lovely. Its" price?" "A guinea; thank 
 your ladyship :" and one of the two plants 
 stood proudly in her ladyship's boudoir. 
 "My dear Charlotte, where did you get" 
 •&c. "Oil, 'tis a new thing; I saw it at old 
 Lee's. Pretty, is it not?" "Pretty! 'tis 
 beautiful! Its price?" "A guinea. There 
 was another left." The visitor's horses 
 smoked oft' to the suburb; a third flowering 
 plant stood on the spot whence the tirst had 
 been taken. The second guinea was paid, 
 and the second chosen fuchsia adorned the 
 drawingroom of her second ladyshij). The 
 scene was repeated as uew-comers saw, and 
 
 were attracted by the beauty of the plant. 
 New chariots flew to the gates of old Lee'a 
 nursery-ground. Two Fuchsia?, young, 
 graceful, and bursting into healthy flower, 
 were constantly seen on the same spot in his 
 rep< sitory. 
 
 He neglected not to gladden the faithful 
 sailor's- witfe by the promised gift ; but ere 
 the flower season closed, three hundred 
 golden guineas chinked in his purse, the 
 produce of the single shrub of the widow of 
 Wapping; the reward of the taste, decision 
 skill, and perseverance of old Mr. Lee. 
 
 A SAPIENT LORD MAYOK. 
 
 A curious instance of misapprehension of 
 the motives that guide the Koyal Academy 
 in issuing the invitations to their annual 
 dinner occun'ed some j-ears sircc. A certain 
 Lord Mayor, who, as Lord Mayor only, had 
 been one of the guests, found himself, of 
 course, on the recurrence of the next year's 
 dinner, unincluded in the list of invitations. 
 Accordingly, he wrote an angry letter of re- 
 monstrance to the Royal Academy, desiring 
 to know the reason of his exclusion. For 
 some time everybody was puzzled to dis- 
 cover who Alderman was, and how he 
 
 could possibly have attended the last year's 
 dinner. At lengtli, one of the council sug- 
 gested that their quondam guest might be 
 the deposed Lord Mayor, His hypothesis was 
 discovered to be con-ect, and the secretary 
 was charged with the di^agreeable duty of 
 informing the reclaimant tl)at he had only 
 been asked as first representative of the City 
 ot London.and that now that he had relapsed 
 into plain Aldtrman. the invitation had ne- 
 cessarily been forwarded to his successor in 
 the civic throne. — Lift of J. Collins, R.A. 
 
 Colonel S- 
 
 -, of the Royal Marine.-^, was 
 always distingui.^hcd for the perspicuitj* and 
 brevity of his speeches, of which the follow- 
 ing, wliich was delivered on going into the 
 battle of the Nile, isaspecimtn: — Sir James 
 Saumarez, who commanded the man-of war 
 to which he belonged, liad, in a lengthened 
 speech, wound up the fcelini;s of his hearers 
 to the highest pitch of ardour for the tight, 
 by reminding them of the duty they owed to 
 their King and country ; and, though last, 
 not least, he desired ihem to call to mind 
 their families, their parents, and swetihearts, 
 and to tight as if the baitle solely depended 
 on their individual exeitions. He was an- 
 swered by looks and gt stures hit;lily expres- 
 sive of their determination ; then, tuining to 
 
 our hero, he said, " Now, S . I leave you 
 
 to speak to the marines." Colonel S 
 
 immediately directed their attention to the 
 land beyond the French fleet. "Dti you see 
 that land there?" l.e asked. They all 
 shouted "Ay, ay, sir!" "Now, my lads, 
 that's the land of Egypt; imd if you don't 
 tight like devils, you'll soon Le in the house 
 of bondage." He was answered by a real 
 British yell, fore and aft.
 
 76 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 GEORGE BIDDEK. 
 
 Precocious talent rarely ripens. The case 
 of " George Bidder," known many years since 
 as " the calculating boy," is, however a bril- 
 liant exception. The young calculator was 
 highly educated at a Scotch university, and 
 next placed with an eminent civil engineer. 
 He was then associated with Mr. Robert 
 Stephenson in the construction of the London 
 and Blackwall Railway ; and in the present 
 day Mr. bidderdeservedly ranks as a first- class 
 engineer, having completed some of the most 
 important railway works in the kingdom. 
 
 LORD NORTH ASLEEP. 
 
 His Lordship was accustomed to sleep 
 during the Parliamentary harangues of his 
 adversaries, leaving Sir Grey Cooper to note 
 down anything remarkable. During a de- 
 bate on ship- building, some tedious speaker 
 entered on a historical detail, in which, com- 
 mencing with Noah's ark, he traced the pro- 
 gress of the art regularly dowiTwards. When 
 he came to build the Spanish Armada, Sir 
 Grey inadvertently awoke the slumbering 
 premier, who inquired at what era the ho- 
 nourable gentleman had arrived. Being an- 
 swered, " We are now in the reign of Queen 
 Elizabeth," "Dear Sir Grey," said he, 
 " why not let me sleep a century or two 
 more ?" 
 
 HOOD AMD GRIMAU>I. 
 
 Mr. Hood relates the following anecdote of 
 Grimaldi, who, at the close of bis theatrical 
 career, called upon the humourist — but a to- 
 tal wreck : the lustre of his bright eye was 
 gone; his eloquent face was passive, and 
 looked thrown out of work, and his frame 
 was bo'ved down by no feigned decrepitude. 
 " His melancholy errand to me," says Hood, 
 "related to a farewell address, which, at the 
 invitation of his staunch friend, Miss Kelly — 
 for it did not require a request — I had under- 
 taken to indite. He pleaded earnestly that 
 it might be brief, being, he said, 'a bad 
 study,' as well as distrustful of his bodily 
 strength. Of his sufferings he spoke with a 
 sad but resigned tone — expressed deep re- 
 gret at quitting a profession he delighted in 
 — and partly attributed th ; sudden breaking 
 down of his health to the superior size of one 
 particular stage, which required of him a 
 jump extra in getting off. That additional 
 bound, like the bittock j.t the end of a Scotch 
 mile, had, he thought, overtasked his 
 strength. His whole deportment and con- 
 versation impressed me with the opinion 
 that he was a simple, sensible, warm-hearted 
 being — such, indeed, as he appears in his 
 'Memoirs' — a Joseph after Parson Adams's 
 own heart. We shook hands heartilj', parted, 
 and I never saw him again ! He was a rare 
 practical humourist ; and I never look into 
 * Rabelais,' with its hugh-mouthed Garagan- 
 tua, and his enormous appetite for plenty of 
 links, chitterhngs, and puddings, in their 
 season, without thinking that, in Grimaldi 
 and his pantomime, I have lo»t my best set 
 of illustrations of that literary extravaganza." 
 
 BUKFON S SON. 
 
 The son of Buffon was a very dolt. Ki- 
 varol said of him, " He is the worst chapter 
 of his father's ' Natmal Histoiy.' " 
 
 WINE. 
 
 Some people are very proud of their wine, 
 and court your approbation by incessant 
 fishing. One of a party being invited by 
 Sir Thomas Grouts to a second glass of his 
 " Old East India," he said that one was a 
 dose— had rather not double the Cape; and 
 at the first glass of champagne, he inquired 
 whether there had been a plentiful supply 
 of gooseberries that year. 
 
 QUICK, THE ACTOR. 
 
 The celebrated comedian, John Quick, re- 
 sided in Hornsey-row, subsecjuently Well's- 
 row, Islington. He was born in 1748, and 
 left his father, a brewer, in Whitechapel, 
 when only fourteen years of age, to become 
 an actor. He commenced his career at Fui- 
 ham, where he performed the character of 
 Altamont, in the " Fair Penitent," which he 
 personified so much to the satistaction of the 
 manager, that he desired his wife to set 
 young Quick down a whole share, which, at 
 the close of the farce, amounted to three 
 shillings. In the counties of Kent and Sur- 
 re}^ he acted with great success ; and, before 
 he was eighteen, performed Hamlet, Borneo, 
 Richard, George Barnwell, Jaffier, Tancred, 
 and many other characters in the higher 
 walks of tragedy. In a few } ears he suffi- 
 ciently distinguished himself as an actor of 
 such versatile talents, that he was engaged 
 by Foote, at the Haymarket Theatre, in 1769, 
 where he became a great la', ourite with 
 George III., who, when visiting the theatre, 
 alwaj s expected Quick to appear in a pro- 
 minent chaiacter. He was the original Tony 
 Lumpkin, Acres, and Isaac Mendoza ; and, 
 after his appearance in these characters, he 
 stood befure the public as the L ston of the 
 day. ]Mr. Quick maj' be consideied one oi 
 the last of the Garrick school. In 1798 he 
 quitted the stage, after thirty-six years of its 
 toils, and, with the exception of a lew nights 
 at the Lyceum, after the destruction of Co- 
 vent-Garden Theatre, did not act afterwards. 
 He retired with ten thousand pounds, which 
 served him, and left something for his son 
 and daughter. Up to the last cay of his life 
 he was in the habit of joining a respectable 
 company, which frequented the King's Head, 
 opposite Islington church, by whom he was 
 recognised as president. Forty years before 
 his death, he was told by his physician that 
 drinking punch would be the death of him • 
 but he had then drunk it tv.enty years, and 
 continued the practice till tlie day of his 
 death, which took place at Islington, April 
 4, 1831, aged eighty-three. By his will, 
 which, from constant wear in his poeket, was 
 in a very tattered condition, he divided his 
 personal property, sworn under six thousand 
 pounds, between his son, William Quick, and 
 his daughter, Mrs. Davenport.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK, 
 
 77 
 
 WEITINO FOR THE STAGE. 
 
 People would be astonished if they were 
 aware of the cart-loads of trash whicli are 
 annually oflFered to the director of a London 
 theatre. The very first manuscript (says 
 George Cohnan) which was proposed to nie 
 for representation, on my undertaking the- 
 atrical management, was from a nautical 
 gentleman, on a iv'ical subject; the piece 
 v,-as of a tragic dt- ption, and in five acts; 
 during the principal scenes of which the 
 hero of the drama declaimed from the main- 
 mast of a man-of-war, without once descend- 
 ing from his position ! 
 
 A QUESTION SETTr-ED. 
 
 One morning, a very philosophical gentle- 
 man, a gi'eat inquirer into right and wrong, 
 causes and effects, and in mind akin to the 
 sage in " Rasselas," who wished to arrange the 
 World after his own ideas of order and equity, 
 can.e down 'o breakfast, and beheld, from a 
 window looking into a back court, a cat 
 playing with a mouse. Hereupon, our phi- 
 losopher began ihus to muse within himself: 
 "Is it just thai one poor, weak, Uefi-nce- 
 less creature should become the sport and 
 prey of another, large, strong, and rapacious? 
 Is it right, that suddenly, in its prime of 
 life and eijoyment, it should thus barba- 
 rously be cut off from both ? Shall I drive 
 its enemy away, and deliver it? Yet if I do, 
 cui bono ?" My cat and millions of other 
 people's cats would still catch mice: I may 
 preserve the existence of one mouse for a 
 space (alas! it cannot be for long!), but 
 I'ot of the species : yet grant that I could 
 pave the whole race — what then? Why, 
 then the genus Mus would so increase and 
 multiply, that , overrunning the earth, they 
 would become the pes's and destroyers of 
 man? Besides, would it be kind and just 
 towards the cat, made by nature a beast of 
 prey, to deprive her of this mouse? For 
 Providence has assuredly not less formed 
 mica to be eaten, than cats to devour them? 
 What right have I then to deprive Puss of 
 her lawful prey? And what shall 1 do? I 
 am, I confess, fiiirly puzzled ; for here are 
 two principles very ojiposite, but both, it 
 seems to me, equall}' rational. It is unjust 
 that the weaker should become the prej' of 
 the stronger; but it is equally unjust to de- 
 prive that stronger of its appointed suste- 
 nance, be it obtained as it may. How shall 
 I reconcile these differences? How proceed, 
 in so delicate a case?" &c. Whilst our 
 philosopher perplexed himself with these 
 truly edifying thoughts (they p.issed through 
 his mind much quicker than we can detail 
 them), forgetting that he had no business to 
 interfere with the original laws laid down by 
 th* Creator of all things, or to attempt to 
 remodel them— a hoitsoniaid with her liroom 
 stepped into the yard, and in a summary 
 manner ended his deliberations, by sending 
 the cat flying frtm a bang with her staff of 
 office, and laying the mouse dead on the spot 
 with a sturdv and '.vell-directcil blow. 
 
 A "QUASL" 
 
 In an account of an accident in a daily 
 newspaper, a short time since, it was stated 
 that the sufferer was attended by three sur- 
 geons; neverthfless, he was likely to recover; 
 so that the chance of recovery seems lessened 
 as the medical attendaijts increase. 
 
 FATTE^M^•G A QUEEN. 
 
 Mr. Ilolman, in his " Voyage round the 
 World," says: — 'Tlie favourite Queen of 
 Duke Ephraim, of Old Calabar, was so large, 
 that she could scarcely walk, or even move ; 
 indeed, they were all prodigiously large, 
 their beauty consisting more in the mass of 
 physique than in the symmetry of face or 
 figure. This uniform tendenc}' to embonpoint, 
 on an unusual scale, was accounted for by 
 the singular fact, that the female on whom 
 his Majesty fixes his regard is regularly 
 fattened up to a certain standard, previously 
 to the nuptial ceremony, it appearing to I e 
 essential to the queenly dignity that the 
 lady should be fat. We saw a very fine 
 j'oung woman undergoing this ordeal. She 
 was sitting at a table with a Inrge bowl of 
 farinaceous food, which she was swallowing 
 as fast as she could pass the spoon to and 
 from the bowl and her mouth." 
 
 SLEEP-WALKING. 
 
 A case is related of an English clergyman 7^ 
 who used to get up in the lugbt, light his 
 candle, write sermons, correct them with in- 
 terlineations, and retire to b'-d again ; being 
 all the time asleep. The Archbishop of Bor- 
 deaux mentions a similar case of a student, 
 who got up to compose a sermon while 
 asleep, wrot(! it correctly, read it over from 
 one end to the other, or at least appeared to 
 read it, made corrections on it, sciaiched out 
 lines, and substituted others, put in its place 
 a word which had been omitted, composed 
 music, wrote it accurately down, and per- 
 formed other things equally surprising. Dr. 
 Gall notices a miller who was in the 
 habit of gi.ttin!( up everj' night and attend- 
 ing to his usual avocations at the iiiill, then 
 returning to bed: on awaking in the morn- 
 ing, he recollected nothing of what pissed 
 during night. Martinet speaks of a saddler 
 who was aciiistomed to rise in his sleep 
 and work at his trade; and Dr. Pritchard 
 of a farmer who got cut of bed, dressed him- 
 self, saddled his horse, and nide to the 
 market, being all the while asletp. Dr. 
 Blackl ck, on one occasion, rose from bed, 
 to which he had retired at an early hour, 
 came info the room where his family were 
 assemblird, conversed with them, and after- 
 wards entertained them with a pleasant 
 .song, without any of them suspecting he 
 was asleep, and without his retaining, after 
 he awoke, the least recoUecfion of what he 
 had done. It is a singular, yet well-.iuihen- 
 ticated fact, that in the disastrous retreat of 
 Sir John Moore, many of the scldiers fell 
 asleep, yet continued to march along with 
 their comrades.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 \ 
 
 what's to be noNE? 
 The Dnke of Rntlanu, when Lord-Lieu- 
 tenanr of Ireland, in a drunken frolic knight- 
 ed ihe landlord of an inn in a country 
 town. Beinji told the next morning what 
 he had done, the Duke sent for viiiie host, 
 and begged of him to consider the ceremonial 
 as nu-reiy a drunken frolic. " For my own 
 part, mj Lord Duke, I should readily com- 
 ply with your Excellency's wish ; but Lady 
 O'Shaunessy !" 
 
 BAD HABIT. 
 
 Sir Fi-ederiek Flood had a droll habit, of 
 whicli he could never effectually break him- 
 self (at least in Ireland). Whenever a per- 
 son at his back whispered or sugg< sted any- 
 th ng to him whilst he was speaking in 
 public, without a moment's reflection, he 
 alwa}'3 repeated the suggestion literatim. Sir 
 Frederick was once makuig a long speech in 
 the Irish Parlianifni, lavuling the transcend- 
 ar>t merits of the Wexford magistrac}', on u 
 motion for extending the criminal jurisdiction 
 in that county, to keep down the disafiected. 
 As he was closing a most turgid oration by 
 declaring " that the said magistracy ought 
 to receive Bome signal mark of the Lord- 
 Lieutenant's favour," John Egan, who was 
 rather mellow, and sitting behind him, jocu- 
 larly whispered, " and be whipped at the 
 cart's tail." " And be whipped at the cart's 
 tad !" reyieated Sir Frederick uncorsciousiy, 
 amidst peals of uncontrollable laughter. 
 
 ADMIRAT, HOB'iON. 
 
 V The galhnt Admiral Hobson, having been 
 
 left an orphan at a very early age, was ap- 
 prenticed to a tailor; but disliking his 
 situation, and inspired by the sight of a 
 sqvudron of men-ot-war coming round the 
 Dun-nose, he suddenh- quitted his work, ran 
 to the beacli, jumped into the first boat he 
 saw, and plied his oars so .skilfully, that he 
 quickly reached the admiral's ship, where he 
 entered as a sea-boy. Within a day or two 
 afterwards, they met a French squad'-on, and 
 during the action that ensued, while the 
 admiral and bis antagonist were engaged 
 yard-arm and jard-.irm, young Hobson con- 
 trived to get on board the enemy's ship 
 unpt-rteived, and stru' k and carried off the 
 French flag : at the moment when he re- 
 gained his own 'Vessel, the British tars 
 stiouted "Victory!" without any other cause 
 than that the enenn-'s colours had disap- 
 ]!eared. The French crew, thrown into con- 
 fusion by this event, ran from their gucs ; 
 and while the officers were ineffectUiUy en- 
 deavouring to rall\ them, the British sea- 
 mt-n boarded their ship, and forced them to 
 surrender. At this juncture, Hobson de- 
 sc.nded from the shrouds with the French 
 flag wrapped round his arm; and after 
 triutnphantly exhibiting his prize to the 
 seamen upon the main-deck, he was ordered 
 to tiie quarter-deck, where the admiral com- 
 jilimented him on his bravery, and assured 
 lam of his protection. 
 
 THE fii.oor>. 
 Two gentlemen were discussing, in James 
 Smith's company, the colour of the blood. 
 " You saj'," cried one, " that our blood is 
 at first quite white: I will credit it, if j-ou 
 can also tell me in what stage (of.circulation) 
 it becomes red?' "Tell him," whispered 
 Smith, " in the Keading stage, of course." 
 
 SNORING. 
 
 Old Hicks was an awful snorer. He could V 
 be heard farther than a blacksmith's forge; . 
 but his wife became .=0 accustor.ed to it ttiat ' 
 it soothed her repose. Thej' were a veiy do- 
 mi Stic couple — never sh-pt apart for many 
 years. At length, the old man was required 
 to attend assizi-s at some distance. The first 
 night after his depariure, his wife never 
 slept a wink ; she missed the srioring. The 
 second night passed away m the same man- 
 ner, without sleep. She was getting mV; a 
 ver}' bad way, and probably would have died, 
 had it not been for the ingenuity of'a servant- 
 girl. She took the coffee-mill into her mis- 
 tress' chamber, and ground her to sleep at once ! 
 
 CHEAP LIVING. 
 
 Mathews, in his Adelphi entertainments, "7- 
 used to tell an excellent '>tory of what -would 
 be called, in the workhouse phrase, the 
 dietary system of two Frenchmen who 
 rambled their way to live on their wits in 
 London. The Frenchmen, on finding the 
 finances on which they expected to live for a 
 year running to the dregs within a week in 
 the expenses of London, determined to se- 
 parate, for the purpose of gvejiter economy. 
 At the end of a m nth, they met by accident ; 
 Monsieur Jean stared at the sight of Mon- 
 sieur Pierre, as if he were an ajjparition. 
 Monsieur Pierre gazed OL Monsieur Jem 
 with a mixture of envy anu ast<'nlshment, 
 for Monsieur Jean had become as corpulent 
 as an Alderman, while Monsieur Pierre was 
 redu ed to skin and bone. 
 
 " Ma foi," said the starving Pierre, " how 
 is all this? I am half starv« il. For the la>t 
 fortnight I have lived on bread and water ; 
 while you look as round as a burgomaster." 
 
 "The matter is easily explainon,'" said 
 Monsieur Jean ; " I Uve on a delightiul thing 
 that costs me only four sous a day." 
 
 " Ma foi," said the starving Pi rre, " tell 
 me what it is. What do they call it?" 
 
 " Whtit it is, I don't know," was the 
 answer; " but they called it cat's-meat." 
 
 But we think the following expedient for 
 cheap living nearly equal to the discoveiy of 
 Monsieur Jean. The recipe i^^ given as the 
 substance of a book written by Dr. Alcott, a 
 pliv.sician, of Salem : — " For breJkfa^t, taki 
 two cents' worth (a halfpenny) of dried 
 apfdes, without drink; for dinner, drink a 
 quart of water, to swell the apples, take tea 
 with a friend." This, we have no doubt, is 
 a capital recipe to bring patients to the 
 doctor, though we think some other word 
 than substance should be used in its descrip- 
 tion.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 'I!9 
 
 SONNET ON STBAM— (hood.) 
 
 /)/ 1 wish I livil a Thowsen year Ago 
 
 Wurking for Sober six and seven milers 
 And duble Stages runneii safe and slo 
 The Orsis cum in them dajs to the bilcrs 
 But Now by nieens of powt-rs of Steem forces 
 A-turning Coches into Sinoakey Kettles 
 The Bilers seem a Cumniing to the Orses 
 And IJelps and naggs Will sune be out of 
 
 Vittels 
 Poor Bruits I wuaider How we bee to Liv 
 "When sutch a cli mge of Orsed is our Faits 
 No nothink need Be sifted in a Siv 
 May them Blow<l ingius all Blow up their 
 
 Grates 
 And Theaves of Osiers crib the Coles and 
 
 Giv 
 Their Blackgard Hannimuls a Feed of Slaits 
 
 s^ JUSS P.UKDETT COUTTS'S FOETCNE. 
 
 X Tlie late Duchess of St. Albans left 
 this excellent lady the sum of £1,800,000. 
 The weight of thjs enormoiis sum ia gold, 
 reckoning 60 sovereigns to the pound, is 13 
 tons 7 cwt. 3 qr. 121b. and would require 
 107 men to carry it, supposing that each of 
 them carried 298 lb. (equivalent to the 
 weight of a sack of flour). This large sum 
 may be partially guesso.d, by knowing also, 
 that, counting at the rate of 60 sovereigns a 
 minute for eight hours a day, and six days, 
 of cour.'^e, in the wtek, it would take ten 
 weeks, two days, and four hours to accom- 
 plish the task. In sovereigns, by the most 
 exact computation (each measuring in 
 diameter 17-20th of an inch, and placed to 
 touch each other), it would extend to the 
 length of 24 miles and 260 yards, or about 
 the distance between Merth\T and Cardiff; 
 and in crown-pieces, to llSg miles and 280 
 yards. £1,800,000 was the exact sum also 
 left by old Jemmy Wood, of Gloucester. 
 
 RECOLLECTION OF MILTON. 
 
 Mr.s. Foster, grand-daugliter of Milton, 
 the immortal author of " Paradise Lost," 
 kept a ch indler's shop at Lower lloUoway 
 for some years, and died at Islington, May 9, 
 1754, in the 66ih year of her age, when the 
 poet's family became extinct : she had lived 
 many years in a low way, and was at last 
 depressed with poverty and the infirmities of 
 age. It does not appear that her grand- 
 father's admirers took any not- .e of her till 
 1750, when, on the 6th of Apri. in that ytar, 
 " Comus " was represented at Drury-Lane 
 Theatre, with a new prologue, written by 
 Johnson, and spoken by (Jairick, for her 
 benefit, which produced her one hundred and 
 thirty pounds. Dr. Johnson saj's, that " she 
 had .so little acquaintance with diversion or 
 gaiety, that she did not know what was in- 
 tendiul when a benefit was offered her. . . 
 She knew little of her grandfather, and that 
 little was not good. She told of his harsh- 
 ness to his daughters, and his refusal to have 
 them taught to write ; bnf, in opposition to 
 Other acc(mnts, represented him as delicate, 
 though temperate in his diet" 
 
 UNLUCKY TEXT. 
 
 Poor Df. Shuridan, in an unguarded mo- 
 ment, but in as guiltless a spirit as charac- 
 tC'lzeii the Vicar of Wakefield, chose for his 
 text, upon the anniversary of the succession 
 of the House of Hanover, "Sufficient for the 
 day is the evil thereof." Although the ser- 
 mon did not contain a single political allu- 
 sion that could have caused uneasines.s or 
 should have given offence, yet it was recorded 
 in ju Igment against him, and obstructed his 
 preferment ever after. 
 
 SUGGESTION. 
 
 " Do you know what made my voice so 
 melodious?" said a celebrated vocal per- 
 formv;r of awkward manners to Charles Ban- 
 nister. "No," replied the other. "Why, 
 then, ril tell you: when I was about fifteen, 
 I swallowed, by accdent, some train oil." 
 "1 don't think,"' rejoined Bannister, "it 
 would have done you any harm if, at the 
 same time, j'ou had swallowed a dancing- 
 master ! " 
 
 EXECUTION OF SIR WALTKF. RALEIGH. 
 
 O 1 the morning of Raleigh's execution, -^ 
 his keeper brought a cup of sack to him, and -y 
 inquired how he was pleased with it.' "As 
 well as ho who drank of St, Giles's bowl as 
 lie rode to Tj'burn," answered the knight, 
 and said, it was good drink, if a man might 
 but tarry by it. " Prithee, never fear, Cees- 
 tO!i," cried he to his old friend Sir Hugh, who 
 wa-i repulsed from the scaffold by the sheriff, 
 " I shall have a place!" A man bald from 
 extreme age pressed forward " to see him," 
 he said, " and pray God for him." Raleigh 
 took a richly-embroidered cap from his own 
 head, and placing it on that of the old man, 
 said, " Take this, good friend, to remember 
 me, f >r you have more need on it than 1 " 
 " Farewell, my Lords," was his cheerful part- 
 ing to a courtly group who affectionately 
 took their leave of him, " I have a long jour- 
 ney before me, and 1 must e'en sa}' good 
 bve.'" " Now I am going to God," said that 
 heroic spirit, as he trod the scafl'old ; and, 
 gently touching the axe, added, "This is a 
 sliarp medicine, but it will cure all diseases." 
 Tlie very headsman shrank from beheading 
 one s<) illustrious and brave, until the un- 
 quailing soldier addressed him, " What does 
 lijou fuar? Strike, man ! " In another mo- 
 men; the mighty soul had fled from its man- 
 gled ronement. Cayley, aficr describing Sir 
 VValtor's execution, adds: "The head, alter 
 being shown on either side of the sraftold, ' 
 was put into a leather bag, over which Sir 
 Waltrr's gDvrn w.is thrown, and the whole 
 conveyed away in a mourning coacli by 
 Lady Kaleigh. It w.as preserved by her in a 
 case (luring the twenty-nine years which slie 
 survived iier husband, and afterwards with 
 no less piety by their allVxtionato >on Carew, 
 with whom it is sujiposcd to have been 
 buru'd at West llorsley, iu Surrey. The body 
 wa^ intt'rred in the chancel near tlie altar of 
 St. Murg.iret's, Westinintei-."
 
 80 
 
 RAILVYAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 BLACK LETTER. 
 
 An old friend of Charles Lamb having 
 been in vain trying to make out a black- 
 letter text of Chaucer in the Temple Library, 
 laid down the precious volume, and with an 
 erudite look told Lamb that •' in those old 
 books, Charley, there is sometimes a deal of 
 verj- inditferent spelling ;" and the anti- 
 bibliomaniac seemed to console himself in 
 tl'.e conclusion. 
 
 DEGREES OF BEAUTY. 
 
 On a certain occasion, a friend was con- 
 -\ versing with Talleyrand on the subject of 
 Mademoiselle Duchfsnois, the French actress, 
 and another lady, neither of them remarkable 
 tor beauty ; and the tirst happening to have 
 peculiarly bad teeth, the latter none at all. 
 " If Madams S.," said Talleyrand, " only had 
 teett), she would be as ugly as Mademoiselle 
 Duchesnois." 
 
 TOAST OF A SCOTCH PEER. 
 
 Lord K , dining at Provost S- 
 
 and being the only Peer present, one of the 
 company gave a toast, "The Duke of Buc- 
 cleuch."' So the Peerage went round till it 
 
 came to Lord K , who said he would give 
 
 them a Peer, which, although not toasted, 
 was of more use than the whole. His Lord- 
 ship gave " the Pier of Leith." 
 
 ISQUISITR-EXESS. 
 
 Talleyrand had a confidential servant, 
 excessively devoted to his interests, but 
 withal superlatively inquisitive. Having one 
 day entrusted him with a letter, tbe Prince 
 watched his faithful valet from the window 
 of his apartment, and, with some surprise, 
 obseri^ed him coolly r.ading the letter en 
 r lite. On the next day a similar commission 
 was confided to the servant ; and to the 
 second letter was added a postscript couched 
 in the following terms: — "You may send a 
 verbal answer by the bearer ; he is perfectly- 
 acquainted with the whole affair, having 
 taken the precaution to read this previous to 
 its delivery." Surh a postscript must have 
 been more effective than the severest re- 
 proaches. 
 
 SAILOR AND BULL. 
 
 y^ As a party of seampn were walking up 
 Point-street, Portsmouth, rather elated with 
 
 -V liquor, a bull, which had escaped from the 
 King's slaughter-house, came running to- 
 wards the jolly tars, with his tail erect in 
 the air, when all the men jumped out of his 
 way, except one, and he, leirg an immense, 
 sturdy fellow, stood in the street directly in 
 the way of the bull, and hailed him in the 
 following words : "Bull ahoy! bull ahoy! I 
 cry. Drop your peak, and put ycur helm 
 ••'— tarboard, or j-ou'll lun aboard of me." 
 The bull continuing his cour.-e, came in con- 
 tact with Jack, and capsized him ; but the 
 sailor, nowise intimidated, sprang from the 
 ground, and, shaking his clothes, ver\' good- 
 naturedly observed to the bull, '• Oh, you 
 aibbevlv beast, I told von how it would be." 
 
 GOOSEBERRIES. — (HOOD.) 
 
 Extract from a letter from a market-g;ir- ,V 
 dener to the Secretarv of the Horticultural 
 Society :— " My Wif had a Tomb Cat that 
 dyd. Being a torture Shell, and a Grate 
 faverit, he had Him berrid in the Guardian, 
 and for the sake of inrichment of the Mould, 
 I had the carkis deposeted under the 
 roots of a Gosberry Bush. The Frute being 
 up till then of a smoothe kind. But the 
 nex Seson's Frute after the Cat was berrid, 
 the Gosberris was all hairy — and more Re- 
 markable, the Capilers of the same bush was 
 All of the same hairy descrip ion. 
 
 "I am, Sir, you humble servant, 
 
 "Thojlas Fkost." 
 
 ROUGE. 
 
 A lady consulted St. Francis of Sales on ] \ 
 the lawfulness of using rouge. " Why," i ] 
 says he, "some pious men object to it; j | 
 others see no harm in it; I will hold a mid- j j 
 die course, and allow you to use it on one ' [ 
 cheek." 
 
 S^\aFT AND THE BISHOP OF KILMORF. 
 
 Josiah Hort, Bishop of Kilmore, and after- 
 wards Archbishop of Tuam, was the author 
 of " A New Proposal for the better Regula- 
 tion and Improvement of Quadrillf," for the 
 publication of which Faulkner, the book- 
 seller, was imprisoned. His not having in- 
 demnified the publisher excited the ire of 
 Dean Swift in the following satire, published 
 anonymously some years ago, but since found 
 in M.S., and acknowledged by Dean Swift, 
 in his own hand : — 
 
 " An Epigram on seeing a worthy Prelate go 
 out of Church in the time of Divine Ser- 
 vice to wait on his Grace the Duke of 
 Dorset, on his coming to Town : — 
 
 " Lord Pam in the church (could you think 
 
 it?) kneel'd dovrn. 
 When told that the Duke was just come to . 
 town — ! 
 
 His station despising, unaw'd by the place. 
 He flies from his God to attend on his Grace. 
 To the Court it was fitter to pay his devotion, 
 Since God had no hand in his Lordship's 
 promo' ion." 
 Wilde's " Closing Years of Dean Stviffs 
 Life," 1849. 
 
 v:^ME^^L at acre. 
 During the siege of St. Jean d'Acre, while 
 Napoleon was in the trenches, a shell fell at 
 his feet, and one of the corj^s of guides threw 
 himself between him and the shell, and 
 shielded the General with his body. Luckily, 
 the shell did not explode. At the moment, 
 forgetful of the danger. Napoleon started 
 up, exclaiming, "What a soldier!" This 
 brave man was afterwards General Dumenil, 
 who lost a leg at Wagram, and who was 
 Governor of Vincennes to 1814; v.-hose la- \ 
 conic reply to the Russian summons to .-ir- I 
 render was, " Give me my leg, and I will give > 
 yen the place."
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK 
 
 81 
 
 Talleyrand's v/it. 
 
 Talleyrand being a>ked, if a certain au- 
 thoress, whom he bad long since known, but 
 who belonged rather to the last age, was not 
 «a little tiresome?" "Not at all," said he, 
 «she was perfectly tiresome." 
 
 A gentleman in company was one day 
 making a somewhat zealojs eulogy of his 
 mother's beauty, dwelling upon the topic at 
 uncalled- for length— he himself having cer- 
 tainly inherited no portion of thut kind 
 under the marriage of hLs parents. " It was 
 your father, then, appirently, who may not 
 have been very well favoured," was Talley- 
 rand's remark, which at once released the 
 circle from the subject. 
 
 When Madame de Stael published her 
 ceLbrated novel of " Delphine," she was sup- 
 posed to have painted herself in the person 
 of the heroine, and M. Talleyrand in that of 
 an elderlv ladv, who is o:;e of the principal 
 characters. " They tell me," said he, the 
 first time he met her, " that we are both of 
 us in your novel, in the disguise of women." 
 
 Rulhieres, the celebrated author of the 
 work on the Polish revolution, having sail, 
 " I never did but one mischievous work in 
 my life." "And when will it be ended?" 
 was Tallevrand's reply. 
 
 "Is not'Geneva dull?" asked a friend of 
 Talleyrand. " Especially when they amuse 
 themselves," was the reply. 
 
 "She is insupportable," said Talleyrand, 
 with marked emph.isis, of one well kno'.vn ; 
 but, as if lie had gone too far, and to take 
 something oft" what he had said, he added, 
 "It is her only defect.' 
 
 •' Ah ! I feel the tormeufs of hell," said a 
 person, whose life had been supposed to be 
 somewhat of the loosest. "Already?" was 
 the inquiry sugge -ted to M. Talleyrand. Cer- 
 tainly, it came naturally to him. It is, how- 
 ever, not original ; the Cardinal de Retz's 
 physician is said to have made a similar ex- 
 clamation on a like occasion. 
 
 Nor ought we to pass over the only mot 
 that will ever be recorded of Chark-s X.. 
 uttered on his return to France in 181 1, on 
 seeing, like our second Charles on a S'mil.ir 
 reception, that the adversaries of his f^imily 
 had disappeared — " Ihere is only one Frei.ch- 
 man the more." This was tlie suggestiim of 
 M. Talleyrand. lie af erwards proposed, in 
 like manner, to Charles's succe-sor, that the 
 foolish freaks of the Duchess de Berri t'hould 
 be visited with this rescript to her and her 
 faction : " Madame, no hope remains for you. 
 You will be trieil, condemned, and pardoned." 
 
 HOW TO STOP A RUNAWAY HOUSE. 
 
 " I was one day riding," says Sir Francis 
 Head, "with a snaffle- bridle, on the glare ice 
 of the great Bay of Toronto, on a horse 1 
 had just purchased, without having been 
 made aware of his vice, which I afterwards 
 learned had been the cause of a serious acci- 
 dent to his late master, when he suddcnh-, 
 unasked, explained it to me by running 
 away. On one side of me was the open 
 
 water of the lake, into which if I had ridden, 
 I should almost inst mtly have been covered 
 with a coating of icd as white as that on a 
 candle that has ju-it received itJ first dip; 
 while on every other side I was surrounded 
 by jagged rocks of ice, through the narrow 
 passes of which I was going much too fast 
 to be able to investigate them. Jly only 
 course, therefore, was to force my horse 
 round and round within the circumference 
 of the little trouble that environed me, and 
 this I managed to do, every time diminishing 
 the circle, until before I wr.s what Sj-dney 
 Smith termed ' squirrel-minded,' the animal 
 became sufficiently tired to stop." 
 
 MB. TIKRSEY'S niTMOUR. 
 
 Mr. Tierney, one evening, in the House of 
 Commons, spoke of !Mr. Pitt's motion as 
 " smelling of a contract ;" and even called 
 him "the right hon. shipwright" — in allu- 
 sion to his pnposal to build men-of-war in 
 the merchants' 3-ards. On one occasion he 
 fell by a less i lustrioiis hand, but yet the 
 hand of a \vit. When alluding to the diffi- 
 culty the Foxites and Pittites had in passing 
 over to join each other in attacking the Ad- 
 dington Jlini^fry, Mr. Tierney (forgetting at 
 the moment h'W easily he had himself over- 
 come a like difficulty in joining that Ministry) 
 alluded to the puzzle of the Fox and the 
 Goose, and did not clearly expound his idea. 
 Whereupon, JNIr. Dudley North .said, "It's 
 himself he means — who hft the Fox to go 
 over to the Goose, and put the bag of oats in 
 his pocket." 
 
 WINE AND WATER. 
 
 A water-drinking 'squire would fain have 
 persuaded some of his brother 'squires to adopt 
 his specific, as the only certain preventive of 
 gout; but in this he met with po r success. 
 He reduced one of them by degrees to half 
 a pint of sherry, and he began totlatter him- 
 self the victory w:is gained. But, approach- 
 ing him one morning with a very hypochon- 
 driac countenance, his refractory- patient thus 
 ad iressed him: "I really think, my gcod 
 friend, I am too fiir gone for all this." And 
 fo he was ; for that very evening he returned 
 to his bottle, the next to two boitlfS, and in 
 a very years to th'j du t from whence he 
 sprang. 
 
 RATS STEALING EGGS. 
 
 The captain of a merchantman, trading 
 to the port of Boston, in Lincolnshire, had 
 constantly missed cg^s from his sea-stock; 
 he suspected that he was robbed by his 
 crew; but, not being able to discover the 
 thief, he was determined to watch his store- 
 room : accordingly (having laid in a fresh 
 stock of eggs), he secreted himself at night 
 in a situation that cinnmanded a view of his 
 eggs. To his great astonishment, he saw a 
 number of rats approach ; they formed a 
 line from his egg-ba.skets to their hole, and 
 handed the eggs from one to the other in 
 their fore-paws. Almost every farmer's wife 
 knows that eggs are removed by rats from 
 a hen-house without breaking them.
 
 82 
 
 llAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 PICKPOCKETING. 
 
 TheB'iron de Bi-ranger relates, that, having 
 secured a pickpocket in the very act of irre- 
 gular abstrartion, he took the liberty of in- 
 quiring whether there was anything in his 
 face that had procured him the honour of 
 being singled out for such an attempt: — 
 "Why, sir," said the fellow, "your face is 
 well enough, but you had on thin shoes and 
 «'hite stockings in dirty weather, and so I 
 irade sure you were a. flat." 
 
 PKIDE OF ANCESTRY. 
 
 ■ A mature spinster of an illustrious house 
 havinj; desired her attendant to read the 
 Scriptures to her, the latter stumbled on a 
 passage in Genesis, in which the word cfiants 
 •was rather defaced, and read, " There were 
 Grants on the earth in those days." " Ah !" 
 exclaimed the lady, with rapture, " there is a 
 convincing proof that my family yields to 
 none in antiquity !" 
 
 In the castl. s and palaces of the ancient 
 nobility of France, the tapestrv frequently 
 presents memorials of their pride of ancestry. 
 On the tapestry of an apartment in the 
 palace of the Due de C is a representa- 
 tion of the Delut^e, in which a man is seen 
 running after Noah, and calling out, " My 
 
 good friend, save the archives of the C 
 
 family." 
 
 LORD north's drollery. 
 
 A few only of Lord North's sayings have 
 reached us, and these, as might be expected, 
 are rather things which he had chanced to 
 coat over v/ith some sarcasm or epigram that 
 tended to preserve them ; they consequently 
 are far from giving an idea of his habitual 
 pleasantry and the gaiety of thought which 
 generally pervaded his speeches. Thus, 
 when a vehement declaimer, calling aloud for 
 his head, turned round and perceived his vic- 
 tim unconsciously indulging in a soft slum- 
 ber, and, becoming stUl more exasperated, 
 denounced the Minister as capable of sleep- 
 ing while he ruined his country, tlie latter 
 4nly complained how cruel it was to be denied 
 a solace which other criminals so often enjoyed, 
 that of having a night's rest before their fate. 
 When surpr sed in a like indulgence during 
 the performance of a very inferior artist, who, 
 however, showed equal indignation at so ill 
 timed a recreation, he contented himself with 
 observing how hard it was that he should be 
 grudged so very natural a release from con- 
 siderable suffering ; but, as if recollecting 
 himself, added, that it was somewhat un- 
 just in the gentleman to conipbin of him 
 for taking the remedy which he had himself 
 been considerate enough to administer. The 
 same good-humour and drollery quitted him 
 not when in opposition. On Mr. Martin's 
 proposal to have a starling placed near the 
 chair, and tuight to repeat the cry of " In- 
 famous coalition !" Lord North coolly sug- 
 gested, that, as 1 )ijg as the worthy member 
 was preserved to them, itwould be a needless 
 waste of the public money, since the starling 
 might well perform his office by deputy. 
 
 DLA.LOGUE IN THE WESTERN ISLANDS OB 
 SCOTLAND. 
 
 " IIow long is this loch ?" 
 
 *' It will be about twantv mile." 
 
 •Twenty miles I surely it cannot be so 
 much ? ' 
 
 •• May be, it will be twelve." 
 
 "It does not really seem more than four." 
 
 '• Indeed, I'm thining j'ou're right.' 
 
 " Eeally, you seem to know nothing aboat 
 the matter." 
 
 " Troth, I canna say I do." 
 
 foote's wooden leg. 
 There is no Shakspeare nor Roscius upon 
 record who, like Foote, supported a theatre 
 for a series of years by his own acting, in his 
 own writings, and for ten j'ears of the time 
 upon a wooden leg! J'his prop to his per- 
 son was once seen standing by his bedside, 
 ready dressed in a hand, ome silk stocking, 
 with a polished shoe and a gold buckle, 
 awaiting the owner's getting up ; it had a 
 kind of tragic-comical appearance, but we 
 leave to inveterate wags the ingenuitj' of 
 punning upon a Foote in bed, and a leg out 
 of it. The proxy for a limb thus decorated, 
 though ludicrous, is too strong a reminder of 
 amputation to be verj- laughable. His un- 
 dressed supporter was the common wooden 
 stick, which was not a little injurious to a 
 well-kept pleasure-ground. George Colman 
 once followed him, after a shower of rain, 
 ufion a niceh- rolled terrace, in which he 
 stumped a deep i-ound hole at every other 
 step he took, till it appeared as if the 
 gardener had been there with his dibble, 
 preparing, against all horticultual practice, 
 to plant a long row of cabbages in a gravel 
 walk. 
 
 ccrran's law library. 
 Who could ever have fupposed a judge 
 capable of sneering at a ban ister's povert}^ 
 by telling him he su.-^pected "hi-s law library 
 was rather contracted." Yet this was the 
 brutal remark to Curran, by Judge Eobinson, 
 the author of many stupid," slavish, and scur- 
 rilous political pamphlets, and by his de- 
 merits raised to th» eminence which he thus 
 disgraced. Curran replied : " It is very true, 
 my Lord, that I am poor, and the circum- 
 stance has certainly somewhat curtailed my 
 library : my books are not numerous, but 
 they are select, and I hope they have been 
 perused with proper dis()ositions. I have 
 prepared myself for this high profession 
 rather by the study of a few good works 
 than by the composition of a great many bad 
 ones I am not a^^hamed of my poverty ; 
 but I should be ashamed of my wealth, could 
 I have stooped to acquire it by servility and 
 corruption. If I rise not to rank, I shall at 
 least be honest ; and, sliould I ever cease to 
 be so, many an example shows me that an 
 ill-gained elevation, by making me the more 
 conspicu .U5. would only make me the more 
 universally and the more notoriously con- 
 temptible.'
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 »3 
 
 CLEAEnJG EMIGRANTS. 
 
 An Irish gentleman, resident in Canaia, 
 was desirous to persuade his sons to work as 
 backwood!«men, instead of frittering away 
 their constitutions and money in luxuries 
 and ple;i.iure; and as champagne costs in 
 America something more than a dollar a 
 bottle, whenever this old gentleman saw his 
 sons raise the bright sparkling mixture to 
 their lips, he used humorously to exclaim to 
 them, " Ah, my boys I there" goes an acre of 
 land, b-ees and all." 
 
 SLEEPY GCWERNMKNT. 
 
 The Abbe' Sie'yes is known to have pro- 
 posed for France aform of government. which, 
 for its absurdity, miy fairly chdUen^re the 
 pre-eminence with any not tne produce of 
 Dean Swift's satiricif humour. Napoleon 
 should, according to this strange scheme, have 
 been invc-sied with the supreme magistracy, 
 but without any power, exL-cative or liigis- 
 lative; enriched with an enormous salary, 
 and suffered to exercise the whole patronage, 
 civil and military, of the stale, while others 
 were named by the people to make the laws, 
 and conduct, "in union with his executive 
 nominees, the government of the country. 
 Napoleon's remark was, that he had no wish 
 to " be a fattened hog, on a salary of some 
 millions, after the life which he had led and 
 in the position to which it had carried him." 
 
 JLVRAT, TUB FRENCH REVOLUTIONIST. 
 
 Marat, in recommending the massacre of 
 all aristocrat?, scrupled not to proclaim 
 throut:h his paper, the " Ami de People," 
 that 270,01)0 heads must fall by the guillo- 
 tine ; and he published lists of persons whom 
 he consigned to popular vengeance and dei 
 structioii, by their names, descriptions, an4 
 places of residence. He was remarkahle for 
 the hideous features of a countenan e at once 
 horrible and ridiculous, and for the figure of 
 a dwarf, not above live feet iiigh. He was. on 
 his first appearance in the mob meetings. of 
 his district, the constant butt of tlic com- 
 pany, and maltreated by all, even to gross 
 personal rudeness. I'ho mob, however, al- 
 ways took his part, bcause of the violence 
 of his horrid language. Thus, long before he 
 preached wholesale massacre iu his journal, 
 he had denour.ced 800 deputies as fit lor exe- 
 cution, and demanded that they should be 
 hanged on as many trees. His constant topiqi 
 was a s-sassi nation, not only in his journal, 
 but in private society. Barbaroux describes 
 him, in his '• Memoires, " as rei.ommending 
 that all aristocrats should be obliged to wiar 
 a badge, in order thit they niiglit be recog- 
 nised anl killed. "But,"' he u.sed to add, 
 "you h*ve only to wait at the playhouse 
 door, and miirk those who came out anl to 
 observe who have servants curriages, and 
 .silk clothes; and if you kdl th.un all, you 
 are pretty sure you have killed so mauy aris- 
 tocrats. Or if ten in a huu irtd should be 
 patriots, it don't signify — you have killed 
 ninety aristocrats." 
 
 A MOSQiniU 8XOHT. 
 
 An American living near the Grand River, 
 Michigan, being in the woods, was one day 
 so annoyed bj- m squitoes, that he took re- 
 fuge under an inverted pota-<h-kettle. His 
 first emotions of joy at his happy deliverance 
 and secure asylum were hardly over, when 
 the moequitoes, having found him, began to 
 drive their probosces through the kettle. 
 Fortunateh' he had a hammer in his pocket, 
 and he clinched them down as fast a.s th-y 
 came through, until at last such a host of 
 them were fastened to the poor man's domi- 
 cile, that they rose and flew away with it, 
 leaving him shelterless I 
 
 PATRIOTlSJt nrPROMPTC. 
 
 Charles Carrol, the last survivor of the 
 patriarchs of the American revolution, was 
 among the foremost to sign the ce'.eOrated 
 Declaration of Independen'e. All who did so 
 were believed to have devoied th-mselves 
 and their familie.s to the furies. As he set 
 his hand to the instrument, tha whisper ran 
 round the Hall of Congress, "There go some 
 millions of property !" And there being many,, 
 of the same name, he heard it said, " No- 
 body will know whnt Carrol it is," as no one 
 signed more tiian his name ; anl one at his 
 elbow, addressing him, remarked, *' You'll 
 get clear — there are several of the name — 
 they will never know which to take." " Not 
 so." he replied, and instantly added his re- 
 sidence, " of Carrolton." 
 
 WILKES's \\1T. 
 
 Of Wilkes's convivial wit no doubt can re- 
 main. Gibbon, who passed an evening with 
 him in, 1762, wher^ boih were militia officers, 
 says " i scarcely ever met with a bettei 
 companion; he has inoxh uistible spirits, in- 
 finite wit antl humour, and a great deal ol 
 knowli-dge." He adds, " A thorough pmfli- 
 gate in principle as in practice ; his life 
 stained with every vice, and'his conversation 
 full of blasphemy and indecency. These 
 morals he glories. in, for shame is a weakne?* 
 he has long since surmounted." This, no 
 do\ibt, is greatlv exj»ggerated, and tiie histo- 
 rian, helii'ving'him really to confess his po- 
 litical profligacy, is perhaps in error also; 
 " he told us that in this time of public dis 
 sension he was resolved to make his fortune. ' 
 Possibly this wa^ li.tle more than a variety 
 of his wi-U- known saying to soine one who 
 wa" fawning on him wilii extreme doctrines, 
 " I hope you don't take me for a Wilkite? " 
 His exclamation, powerfully humorous cer- 
 tainly, on Lord Thurlow's solemn hypocrisy 
 in the House of Lords, is well known. 
 When that consummate piece of cant was 
 performed with all the solenniity wlucli the 
 actor's incredible air, eyebrows, voice, could 
 lend the imprecation, " If I fo.get my sove- 
 reign, may my Go I forget me!" Wilkes, 
 seated on the s'tcps of the throne, eyeing him 
 a.skance with his inhuman squint and d ino- 
 niac grin, muttered, "Forget you! He'll 
 see you d—d,, firmly" 
 
 G 2
 
 £4 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 KEMBLK AND LISTON. 
 
 When Listen was in the Newcastle com- 
 pany, he had a strong bias in favour of 
 tragedy, and, having been in the scholastic 
 prof<?ssion, it suited his notions of the dig- 
 nitj- of the drama. In some case of emer- 
 gency he Avas sent on for David in the 
 " Kivals." C. Kemble, who was in Newcastle 
 for practice and improvement, saw him play 
 this one part, and advised Liston to stick to 
 the country boys, and recommended him 
 to the Loudon managers, but the advice 
 was not listened to until five years after- 
 wards. 
 
 ^ Liston, during his tragedizing, applied to 
 "%'*ephen Kemble, the manager, fur an in- 
 ^.^ ase of salarj-. " Pooh ! pooh !" said 
 Stepi'^'^"' "such actors as you are to be 
 found J° ^^^^ liedge." The insult struck 
 deep, bn. ^ I'iston's mode of revenging it was 
 peculiar. Some days afterwards, as the 
 manager :sr'..''s driving from Newcastle to 
 Sunderland, to ^'^ horror, he saw his perpe- 
 trator of Kings ^'•'^' courtiers stuck up to 
 his middle in li quickset hedge. "Good 
 heavens !" Mr. lA<AoS' ^^ exclaimed, " what 
 is the matter? VVhat are you doing 
 there .V" 
 
 '•Lookirjg for soine of th.e actors you told 
 me of the other day," replied the comedian. 
 
 XriE ERITISII FLAG IN CAi^ADA. 
 
 " What animals are those?" su'id a man 
 through his nose, on St. George's Tiny, as he 
 pointed to the congregation of Lions with 
 tists clenched re'dy to box, and of Unicorns 
 quite as eager to butt, that were waving 
 over his head. " Is it animals you're after 
 spaking?' sharply replied a young Irishman, 
 who like the querist had been standing in 
 the crowd, waiting to see the procession of 
 Englishmen arrive : " one of thim animals 
 I tiill ye is the Irish harp ; and so get out o' 
 
 that, j'e Yankee, or I'll bate the sowl 
 
 out o' ye!" Now it so happened that by 
 the time the last words were ejaculated, the 
 young Irishman's white teeth had almost 
 reached the middle-aged querist's eye-brows ; 
 and as they were evidently advancing, and 
 as the surgical operation proposed strongly 
 resembled that of taking the kernel out of a 
 nut, or an oyster out of its shell, the repub- 
 lican naturalist deemed it prut'ent instantly 
 to decamp, or, as it is termed by his fellow- 
 countrymen, to " absquantilate" 
 
 A TELEGK.U'HIC BLUNDER. 
 
 During the mania for the dethronement of 
 Kings, subsequent to the French Revolution 
 of 1848, when, for a time, almost every post 
 brought tidings of " change perplexing 
 nations," it wis related in the papers of the 
 day that ;he King jf Prussia had abdicated. 
 Tlie neus not being confirmed, it was 
 speedily discovered to be erroneous. An in- 
 genious provincial editor thus accounts for the 
 mistake : — the magnetic interpreter at the 
 oiTice of the electric telegraph is a poUtician, 
 a:id considerably interested in foreign affairs. 
 
 Late events have considerably excited him, 
 and news from France has been so extraordi- 
 nary-, that there is not anything which his 
 excited mind does rot anticipate on the first 
 word of communication. The telegraph, 
 after due warning, the oher day, said 
 " The — King — of— Prussia " (the reader 
 turned pale, and tliought of the morning 
 paper that hal offered the highest price for 
 early and exclusive intelligence) the dial 
 proceeded — " The — King— of — Prussia — has 
 gone— to— Pot — " In anotker minute the 
 communication was on its way to the news- 
 paper-office. Not long after, however, the 
 dial was again agitated, and then came 
 ' s— dam." Making it led ihus— " The 
 King of Prussia has gone to Potsdam." 
 
 A NIGG Kit's IDEA OF THE ELECTRIC 
 TELEGRAPH. 
 
 At the railway Mpot in Lowell, not long 
 since, " Look a hea, Jake," said Sambo, his 
 eyes dilatmg, and his rows of shining teeth 
 protruding like a regiment of pearls, " Look 
 a hea, Jake; what you call dera ar?'" 
 " What ar?" rej lined Jake. •' Dein ar I is 
 pint in ti> ?" " Dem ar is postes," said Jake. 
 '* What!" said Sambo, scratcliing his head; 
 "dem aie postes wid de glass?" "Yes, de 
 same identical," returned Jake. " Ah, ijut 
 you sees dem are horzuntal wires." " \Vell," 
 observed Jake, "de posts supports de wires." 
 "Gosh! I takes you nigger," ejaculated 
 S.iinbo, clapping his sides, and both setting 
 up a loud yah yah. "But what's de wires 
 for?" said Sambn, after a pause. "De 
 wires," replied Jake, completely staggered 
 for a moment, and at a nonplus lor a replj' to 
 the philosophic curiosity of brother Sambo ; 
 but, suddenly lighting up with more than 
 nigger fire, he said " JJe wires is for to keep 
 de postes up! " 
 
 LUCKY ESCAPES. 
 
 In the siege of Rouen, in 1652, there is a _x^ 
 ciurious incident of an officer named Fran9ois 
 Civil, who owed his life to the fidelity of his 
 servant, who, searching for his body, in order 
 to inter it, was quitting the ground in de- 
 spair, when he observed, by the light of the 
 moon, a diamond ring on a hand not covered 
 with earth ; appi caching nearer, he knew 
 it to be the hand of his master by the ring. 
 Great was his joy ; but greater, when, taking 
 the body to inter it, he found it warm. He 
 took it to the hospital to be examined by the 
 surgeons, who were so occupied by the num- 
 ber of the wounded, that they paid no atten- 
 tion to a dead man, as they thought him. On 
 this, the vak't took on himself the sole care of 
 his master,who soon began to recover. Shortly 
 after, the city was taken, and the house in 
 which Civil lay was broken into, and he, in 
 a weak state, was thrown out of the window. 
 He fortunately fell on a heap of dung, un- 
 hurt by the fall, but was obliged to remain 
 there till he was conveyed, privately, by his 
 relations out of the city, where, with great 
 care, he recoverc!!.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 85 
 
 X 
 
 TUG SUBLIME AND KIDICULOUS. 
 
 "Now (said Mr. Abernethy, in a lecture 
 upon tlie muscles of the fcaip), I will tell 
 you a perfectly ridiculous story about this, 
 •with a vit-w to impress this part of the sub- 
 ject oil your minds. It happened, in the 
 early part cf my time, to become quite the 
 fashion to put half a pound of grease, and 
 another half-pound of flour, on a man's head 
 — what they called hair-dressing; it was the 
 fashion, too, to bind this round with a piei e 
 of tape or riband, and make a tail of it, and 
 it was the mode to wear those tails very 
 thick and rather short. Now, a gentleman 
 who posses-e I great power in the motion of 
 his fivns occipitalis, used to go to the boxes 
 of the theatre when Mrs. Siddons first ap- 
 peared ; and I don't believe there ever Avill 
 be such an actress again as she was, nor do 
 I believe there ever was her equal before her. 
 However, when people were affected beyond 
 all description, and wlien they were all 
 drowned in tears at her performance, this 
 chap wag^^ed his tail enormously, and all the 
 people bur-st'^but into a roar of laughter. In 
 vain did they cry 'Turn him out!" in vain 
 did they cry ' Throw him over !' When he 
 had produced this effect upon the audience, 
 then he kept his tail quiet ; but again no 
 sooner was their attention engaged, than wag 
 went his tail, and a^ain were the bursts of 
 laughter re-echoed." 
 
 DE.VR MEAT,. 
 
 A sailor seating himself in a summer- 
 house, espied a couple of onions (as he 
 thought) in a remote comer. Wishing to en- 
 joy so savoury a meal, be took from his 
 homely pocket his bread, cheese, and knife, 
 and then commenced a broadside upon the 
 bulbs, which he devoured with a hearty 
 relish. The gardener entering, and finding 
 tjie remains of his bulbs scattered on the 
 ground, and their precious contents the con- 
 tents of the sailor, exclaimed, in the agon}' 
 of grief, " Oh ! oh ! I am a ruined man and 
 undone ; you have destroyed all my hopes, 
 you have devoured my Alexander the Great 
 and mj' Duke of Marlborovrjh — worth fifty ' 
 quineas eacli .'" 
 
 BEADING THE NEWSPAPER IN THE OT.DEN 
 T13IE. 
 
 During the time that Sidney Godolphin 
 occupied the office of Lord High Treasuier 
 of JCnglard, biHween the year 1701 and 1710, 
 he visited nitire than once his seat in Corn- 
 wall. No regular conveyances then pro- 
 ceeded onwards further west than Exeter; 
 but when certain masses of letters had ac- 
 cumulated, the whole were forwarded toge- 
 ther by what was called " the post." The 
 Lord Iligli Treasurer engaged a weeklv mes- 
 senger from I'^xeter to bring his letters, 
 despatches, and a newspaper, and on the fixed 
 day of his arrival all the gentlemen assem- 
 bled at Godclphin-house from many miles 
 round, to hear the newspaper read in the 
 Great HalL 
 
 THE SNUPF-r.OX. 
 
 A snuff-box has been called "an intro- 
 duction," and other metaphorical names; bat 
 it frequentl}' leads to unpleasant familiarity, 
 extremely difficult to repress. Brummeli, 
 manj' years ago, gave an admirable rebuke, 
 at a party in Porlman- square. On the re- 
 moval of the cloth, the snuff-boxes made 
 their appearance, and Brummeirs was par- 
 ticularly admired : it was handed round, and 
 a gentleman, finding it rather difficult tO' 
 open, incautiously applied a dessert knife to -, 
 the lid. Poor Brummeli was on thorns; at 
 last he could not contain himself any longer, 
 and, addressing the host, said, witli. his cha- 
 racteristic quaintness, '• Wiil you be good 
 enough to tell your friend that my enuff-box 
 is not an oyster." 
 
 lll-M AND WATER. 
 
 A certain Scotsman, who is not a m.ember 
 of any temperance society, being asked by a 
 dealer to purchase some fine old Jamaica, 
 drily answered, " To tell you the truth, Mr. 
 
 , I canna' say I'm very fond of rum ; for 
 
 if I tak' mair than six tum'lers, it's very apt 
 to gi'e me a head-ache." 
 
 THE MAID OF ROUEN. 
 
 Many years ago, there lived a maiden ladv /^ 
 at Rouen, who went every daj-, whether fair 
 or foul, to sit on a little bench by the garden- 
 gate, where her lover, a young officer, took 
 leave of her twentj- years before, and v/as 
 never heard of afterwards. This remarkablfe 
 instance of constancy furnished the subject 
 of an entertainment that h is had great suc- 
 cess, under the title of " Nina." Th- poet 
 supposes her melancholy m^d, "but the lady 
 in question was in lier perfect senses, and, 
 upon making her daily visit, sprightly. 
 After a short ejaculation, she always con- 
 cluded with these worus, "He will certainly 
 come back ; he promised me he would." 
 
 he.vsley's wig. 
 One evening at the Dublin Theatre, when 
 Bensley came on for his first soliloquy as 
 Ricliaifl III., a nail at the wing caught the 
 tail of his majestic wig, and, dismounting his 
 hat, suspended the former in the air. An 
 Irish gallery know how to laugh, even in 
 tragedy. lienslej* caught his hat as it fell 
 bj- a feather, and replacing It on his head,, 
 " shorn of its beams," advanced to th i front, 
 and commenced his soliloquy amidst a vuHey 
 of importunities to resume his wig. "Mr. 
 Bensley, my darling, put on your j isey ! 
 Bad luck to'your politics — will you suffer a 
 wig (Whig) to be hung?" &c. The tr.fge- 
 dian, however, considering that such an act 
 would have co!l)prclni^cd, in some mea-ure, 
 liis dukely dignity, continued his meitilations 
 in de.-pite of their advice, and stalked off at 
 tie conclusion as he had stalked on. An un- 
 derling then made his appearance, and re- 
 leased his captured hair, with which he exited 
 in pur.suit of Richard, to as loud a demonstra- 
 tion of approval as Richard him?elf.
 
 86 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 X 
 
 CHARITY AND INCONVENIENrE. 
 
 It is objected, and we admit often with 
 truth, that the wenlthy are ready to bestow 
 their money, but not to endure personal in- 
 convenience. The foUowiag anecdote is told 
 
 in illustra'ion. — The late Duke of D 
 
 was walking in St. James's-street, in a hard 
 frost, when he met an agent, who began to 
 importune his Grace in behalf of some cha- 
 rity which had enjoyed his support. " Put 
 me down for what you please," peevishly ex- 
 claimed the Duke ; " but, for God's sake, 
 don't heep me in the cold." 
 
 A COOL HAND. 
 
 An old deaf beggar, whom Collins the 
 painter was once engaged in sketching at 
 Hen'^on, exhibited great self-possession. 
 Find n^, from certain indications that the 
 body and garments of this English Edie 
 Ocliiltree afforded a sort of pasture- ground to 
 a herd of many animals of minute size but 
 of magnificent propagating and feeding 
 powers, he hinted iiis fears — in a loud bawl 
 — to the old man, that he might leave some 
 of Ills small pensioners, or body-guard, be- 
 hind him. "No fear, sir; no fear!" replied 
 this deaf and vtuerable v.igrant, contem- 
 plating the artist with serious serenity — " I 
 don't think they are any of them likely to 
 leave me for yojt." — Life of Collins. 
 
 GEORGE MORLAND AT ISLINGTON. 
 
 On the west side of Frog-lane, Islington, 
 is the Barley Mow public-house, deserving 
 of notice from having been the temporary 
 residence of the celebrated painter of rustic 
 scenery and low life, George Morland, who, 
 having casually called at the house, about 
 the 3'ear 1800, remained in it for several 
 months. While here, he frequt-ntly applied 
 to a farm-yard opposite for portio; s of old 
 cart -harness, which were copied into his 
 sketch-book; and he would send alter any 
 rustic chanicter that chanced to pass the 
 house, in order to obtain a sitting, for which 
 the party was remunerated with a piece of 
 money and some beer. The hndlord (Tate), 
 who had himself been an artist in the early 
 part of his lile, bore testimony to the masterly 
 manner in which Morland sketched some of 
 his subjects, and the facility of execution 
 with which he finished others : his palette- 
 knife, his knuckles, and his finger ends were 
 not unfrequenlly made subservient to his 
 great skill in rapidly pixiducieg the most 
 happy effects. During the time he lived 
 here, which was for the m.cst jart devoted to 
 the buttle and the company of h's low asso- 
 ciates, he painted a few of his best pictures; 
 some of which came into the hands of his 
 attorney, to whom he was continually in- 
 debted, for extricating him from the difficul- 
 ties into which his indiscretions led him ; 
 while others tell to the lot of mercenary indi- 
 viduals, who were ever calling u|ion and 
 teasing hiin for some specimens of his art, 
 which he would often djspose of for a very 
 trifling consideration. 
 
 MAKVEL. 
 
 In Long Orton churchyard, Huntingdon, 
 is a monument, which, according to a tra- 
 dition of the inbabit<»nt3, recorded t)y Bishop 
 Kennet, was intended to commemorate "a 
 Lord Longueville, who, in fighting with the 
 Danes near this place, received a wound in 
 his belly so that his entrails fell out ; but 
 wrapping them round the wrist of his left 
 arm, he continued the combat with his right 
 hand till he had killed the Danish king, and 
 soon after fell himself." 
 
 LAMB AND ERSKINE. 
 
 Counsellor Lamb, an old man when Lord 
 Erskine was in the height of his reputation, 
 was of timid manners and nervous disposi- 
 tion, usually prefacing his pleadings with an 
 apology to that effect ; and on one occasion, 
 when opposed, in some cause, to Erskine, he 
 happened to remark that " he felt himself 
 growing more and more timid as he grew 
 older." " No wonder," replied the wittj', 
 but relentless barrister ; " everv one knows 
 the older a lamb grows, the mop| sheepish he 
 becomes." 
 
 HOAXING AN AUDIENCE. 
 
 Cooke was announced one evening to play 
 the stranger at the Dublin Theatre. When 
 he made his appearance, evident marks of 
 agitation were visible in his countenance and 
 gestures ; this, by the generality of the au- 
 dience, was called fine acting ; but those who 
 were acquainted with his failing, classed it 
 very properly under the head of intoxication. 
 When the applause had ceased, with diflS- 
 culty he pronounced ?' Yonder hut— yonder 
 hut," pointing to the cottage; then lieating 
 his breast, and striking his forehead, he 
 paced the stage in much apparent agitation 
 of mind. Still this wa:5 taken as the chef 
 d'aeuvre of fine acting, and was followed by 
 loud plaudits, and "Bravo! bravo 1" At 
 length, having cast many a menacing look 
 at the prompter, who repeatedly, though in 
 vain, gave him the word, he came forward, 
 and, with overacted feeling, thus addressed 
 • the audience : — " You are a mercantile people 
 — you know the value of money — a thousand 
 pounds, my all, lent to serve a frinnd, is lost 
 for ever. iMy son, too — pardon the feelings 
 of a parent — my only son — as brave a youth 
 as ever fought his country's battles, is slain 
 
 ■ — not many hours ago I received the intelli- 
 gence ; but, thank God, he died in the de- 
 fence of his King !" Here his feelings be- 
 came so powerful that they ch()ked his ut- 
 terance, and, with bis handkerchief to his 
 eyes, he staggered off the stage, amidst the 
 Bpplause of those who, not knowing the man, 
 pitied his situation. Now, the fact is, Cooke 
 never possessed £1000 in bis lif ■, nir !)?.'! h<> 
 ever the honour of being a father ; but too 
 much intoxicated to recollect his part, he in- 
 vented this story, as the only way by which 
 he could decently retire; and the stquel of 
 
 ■ the business was, that he wis sent home in a 
 ' chair, whilst another actor played the pait.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 m 
 
 rOPHAJr, THE STRONG MAN OF ISLINGTON. 
 
 In Upper-street, Islington, was formerly a 
 public-house with the sign of the Duke's 
 iHe:!d, at the south-east corner of Gadd's-row 
 (now St. Alban's-placc), which was remark- 
 able, towards the middle of the last century, 
 on account of its landlord, Thomas Topham, 
 "the sirong man of IsUr.gton." He was 
 brought up to the trade of a carpenter, but 
 abandoned it soon after the term of his 
 appr.nticeship had expired; and about the 
 age of twentj'-four, became the host of the 
 Red Lion, near the old Hospital of St. Luke, in 
 which house he failed. When he had at- 
 tained his full growth, his stature was about 
 live feet ten inches, and he soon began to 
 give proof of his superior strength and mus- 
 cular power. The first public exhibition of 
 his e.xtraordinaiy strength was that of pull- 
 ing against a horse, lying upon his back, and 
 placing his feet against tue dwarf wall that 
 divided Upper and Lower Moorfiekls. He 
 afterwards pulled against two horses, but, his 
 legs being placed horizontally instead of 
 rising parallel to the traces of ttie horses, he 
 was jerked from his position ; it was, never- 
 theless, the opinion of Dr. Desaguliers, the 
 eminent mechanic and experimental philo- 
 sopher, that, had Topham been in a proper posi- 
 tion, he might have kept his situation against 
 the pulling of four horses, without in- 
 convenience. The following are among the 
 feats which Dr. Desaguliers sjys he himself 
 sa^^ Topbam perform: — By the strength of 
 his fingers, he rolled up a very strong and 
 large pewter dish. Among the curiosities of 
 the British Museum, some years ago, was a 
 pewter dish, marked near the edge, " April 
 ■i, 1737, Thomas Topham, of Lundon, car- 
 penter, rolled up this dish (made of the hard- 
 est pewter), by the strength of his hands, in 
 the presence of Dr. John Desaguliers, &c." 
 He broke seveu or eight piec>-s of a tobacco- 
 pipe by the force of his middle finger, having 
 laid them on his first and third fingers. 
 Having thrust tiie bowl of a strung tobacco- 
 pipe under his garter, his legs being bent, he 
 broke it to pieces by the tendons of his hams, 
 without alterir'g the position of his legs. 
 Another bowl of this kiail he broke between 
 his first and second finger, by pre?sing them 
 together sideways. He took an iron kitchen 
 poker, about a yard long, and three inches 
 roimd, and bent it nearly to a right angle, 
 by striking upon hLs bare left arm, between 
 the elbow and the wrist. Holding the ends 
 of a poker of like size in his hands, and 
 the middle of it against the back of his 
 neck, he brought both extremities of it 
 together before him ; and, what was jet 
 more difficult, pulled it ahnust straight again. 
 lie broke a rope of two inches in circum- 
 ference; though, from his awkward manner, 
 he was obliged to exert four times more 
 strength than was necessary. He lifted a 
 rolling stone of eight hundred pounds' 
 weight with his hands only, standing in a 
 frame above it, and taking" hold of a chain 
 fastened thereto. 
 
 It is probable that Topham kept the 
 Duke's Head at the time he exhibited the 
 exploit of lifting th:ee hogsheads of water, 
 weighing one thousand eit;ht huniired and 
 thirty-one pounds, in Colabath- fields, Maj 
 28, 1741, in commemoration ot -the taKing of 
 Porto Bello by Admiral Vernon ; and which 
 he performed in the presence of the Admiral 
 and thousands of spectators. Afier Topham 
 had left Islington, and taken another public- 
 house, situated in Hog-lane, Shoieditch, the 
 infidelity of his wife had such an effect upon 
 him, that, in a tit of frenzy, at t*r beating her 
 most unmercifully, and stabbing her in the 
 breast, he inflicted several wounds upon him- 
 self; and, having lingered several days, died 
 in the flower of his age, August 10, 1749. 
 
 -VJIEUICAS SHERIFF. 
 
 In America, a sheriff is often obliged to 
 he his own thieftaker and executioner. A 
 sheriff related to Captain Alexander the pur- 
 suits he had made after horse-stealers ; their 
 desperate resistance with their knives before 
 they would allow themselves to be -taken; 
 the satisfaction he had in flogging with a 
 cowskin a fellow who weigtied two hundred, 
 who had long eluded him, and who had often 
 " broken ^way from him, like a (quarter- 
 horse ;" how he administered the thirt\-nine 
 scientifically, sinking the insirument into the 
 skin, and jerking it towards him till the cul- 
 prit roared like a buffalo, with pam; how he 
 handled negroes, strapped them over a log, 
 and punished them with a board full of gim- 
 let-holes, so that every stroke raised bliBtera 
 which it took a month to heal ! 
 
 QUID PRO QUO. 
 
 Between James Smith and Collins the 
 painter a good-humoured reciprocation of 
 jests of all sorts was the mifailiiig accompa- 
 niment of most of their meetings. The latter, 
 however, in some instances, gainetl the ad- 
 vantage of his friend, by calling in the re- 
 sources of his art to the aid of his fancy ; as 
 an example of which may be quoted his 
 painting on the boarded floor of his study, 
 while Smith was waiting in the next room, 
 a new pen, lying exactly in the way of any 
 one entering the aj artn ent. .iVs soon as the 
 ■sketch was finished, the author was shown 
 in, and stopping short at the counterfeit re- 
 semblance, with an exclamation at his 
 friend's careless extravagance, endeavoured 
 to pick it up. A few days afterwards, with 
 the recollection of this deception strong in 
 his memoiy. Smith called again ©n" the 
 painter, and found him working on a picture 
 with unusual languor and want cf progress. 
 Anxious to take the first opportunity to re- 
 turn the jest of which he had been the vic- 
 tim. Smith inquired, in tones of great interest, 
 how his friend was getting on? The other 
 replied that he was suftering under so s.evere 
 a headache as to be almost incapable of work- 
 mg at all. "Ah," said Smith," 1 see why 
 you have not got on; you are using a new 
 material to-day — painting in distemper."
 
 88 
 
 KAILWAY ANECDOTS BOOK. 
 
 DEATH OF SIR JOHN MOOKE, AT CORUSNA, 
 IX 1809. 
 
 The following account of the last moments 
 of Moore, at Corunna, is related by his bro- 
 ther, James Carrick Moore : — 
 
 "Captain (now Viscount) Hardinge en- 
 deavoured to unbuckle the belt to take it off; 
 when he said with soldierly feeling, ' It is 
 as well as it is ; 1 had rather it sbould go 
 out of the field with me.' 
 
 " His serenity was so striknig, that Har- 
 dinge began to hope the wound was not 
 mortal . he expressed this opinion, and said, 
 that he trusted tho surgeons would confirm 
 it, and that he would still be spaied to them. 
 
 " Sir John turned his head, and cast his 
 eyes steadily on the wounded part, and then 
 replied, 'No, Hardinge, I feel that to be im- 
 possible. You need not go with me ; report 
 to General Hope that 1 am wounded and 
 carried to the rear.' He was then raised 
 from the ground by a Highland sergeant and 
 three soldiers, and slowly conveyed towards 
 Corunna. 
 
 "The soldiers had not carried Sir John 
 Moore far, when two surgeons came running 
 to his aid. They had been employed in 
 dressing the shattered arm of Sir David 
 Baird ; who, hearing of the disaster which 
 had occurred to the commander, generously 
 ordered them to desist, and hasten to give 
 him help. But Moore, who was bleeding 
 fast, said to them, ' You can be of no service 
 to me : go to the wounded soldiers, to whom 
 you may be useful ;' and he ordered the 
 bearers to move on. But, as they proceeded, 
 he repeatedly made them turn round to view 
 the battle, and to listen to the firing ; the 
 sound of which, becoming gradually fainter, 
 Indicated that the French were retreating. 
 
 " Before he reached Corunna it was ahr.ost 
 dark, and Colonel Anderson met him ; who, 
 »eeing his general borne from the field uf 
 battle for the third and last time, and steeped 
 in blood, became speechless with anguish. 
 Moore pressed his hand, and said in a low 
 tone, ' Anderson, don't leave me.' As he 
 was carried into the house, his fiithful ser- 
 vant Francois came out, and stood aghast 
 with horror ; but his master, to console him, 
 said, smiling, ' My friend, this is nothing.' 
 
 " He was then "placed on a mattress on the 
 floor, and supported by Anderson, who had 
 saved his life at St. Lucia ; and some of the 
 gentlemen of his staff came into the room by 
 turns. He asked each, as they entered, if 
 tiie French were beaten, and w'ls answered 
 affirmatively. Thej' stood around ; the pain 
 of his wound became excessive, and deadly 
 paleness overspread his fine features ; yet, 
 with unsubdued fortitude, he said at inter- 
 vals, 'Anderson, you know that J have al- 
 ways wished to die this way. I hope the 
 people of England will be satisfied ! 1 hope 
 ray country will do me justice!' 
 
 "'Andrrsou, you will see my friends as 
 
 soon as you can. Tell them everj-thing. 
 
 Say to my mother .' Here his voice 
 
 faltered, he became excessively agitated, and 
 
 not being able to proceed, changed the sub- 
 ject. 
 
 " ' Hope !* Hope ! I have much to say to 
 him ; but cann(it get it out. Are Colonel 
 Grahamf and all my aides-de camp safe?' 
 (At this question, Anderson, who knew the 
 warm rej^ard of the General towards the 
 officers of his staff, made a private sign not 
 to mention that Captain Burrardj was 
 mortally wounded.) He then continued : 
 
 " ' I have made my will, and have remem- 
 bered my servants. Culborne§ has n.y will 
 and all my papers.' As he spoke these 
 words. Major Colborne, his military secre- 
 tary, entered the room. He addressed him 
 with his wonted kindness ; then, turning to 
 Anderson, said, ' Remember you go to 
 VVilloughby Gordon||, and tell him it is my 
 request, and that 1 expect he will give a 
 Lieutenant-Colonelcy to Major Colborne; he 
 has been long with me, and I know him to 
 be most worthy of it.' 
 
 " He then asked the Major, who had come 
 last from the field, ' Have the French been 
 beaten ? ' He assured him they had on every 
 point. ' It"s a great satisfaction,' he said, 
 'for me to know that we have beaten the 
 French. Is Paget^ in the room ? ' On being 
 told he was not, he resumed, ' Kemember me 
 to him ; he is a fine fellow.' 
 
 "Though visibly sinking, he then said, ' I 
 feel myself so strong, I fear 1 shall be long 
 dying. It's great uneasiness ; it's great pain. 
 Every thing Francois says is right. I 
 have great confidence in him.' He thanked 
 the surgeons for their attendance. Then, 
 seeing Captain Percy and Stanhope, two 
 of his aides-de-camp, enter, he spoke to 
 them kindly, and repeated to them the 
 question, 'If all his aides-de-camp were 
 safe ; ' and was pleased on being told the}- 
 were. 
 
 " After a pause, Stanhope caught his eye, 
 and he said to him, ' Stanhope, remember 
 me to your sister.' ** He then became silent. 
 Death, undreaded, apjiroachid; and the 
 sfiirit departed, leaving the bleeding body an 
 oblation offered up to his country." 
 
 KATTLESX.^KE. 
 
 A man and his wife v.ere passing through 
 a forest in North America; the woman, in 
 stepping over a log, was bitten in the foot by 
 a rattlesnake. They were many miles from 
 any assistance, but the husband killed the 
 snake, cut it open, tied its entrails round his 
 wife's foot, and she walked home and suffered 
 little from the wound. 
 
 * Sir John Hope, who succeeded to the com- 
 mand ; afterwards the Earl of Hopetown 
 
 t Oi BalROwan ; afteinards Lord Lynedoch. 
 
 t Sou of Sir Harry Burriud. 
 
 j Afterwards Sir John Colborne. 
 
 II Sir Willougliby Gordon, Secretary to the Duke 
 of York. 
 
 ^ The Honourable Bricadier Paget, who com- 
 manded the reserve ; afterwards Sir Edward Paget. 
 
 ** The Lady Hester Stanhope, niece to William 
 Pitt.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 80 
 
 ^^ 
 
 LAWFUL EJECTMENT. 
 
 I've brothers of the name nf Lawes cre- 
 ating a disturbance at the Dublin Theatre, 
 were called to order by the celebrated Felix 
 McCarthy, who was iu the same biix. One 
 of them, presenting his card, said, " You shall 
 hear froin one of us ; our name is Lawcsy — 
 " Lawes, is it ? " quoth Felix ; " then I'll give 
 you an addition to your name ; " and, exert- 
 ing his well-known strength, handed them 
 out of the box, exclaiming, "Now, by the 
 powers, you're both oul-/au's." 
 
 wilkie's pictures. 
 Mr. Collins, R A., relates the following: — 
 "When Lord Mulgrave's pictures were sold 
 at Christie's, VV'ilkie waited in the neigh- 
 bourhood, whilst 1 attended the sale. It 
 was quite refreshing to see his joy when I 
 returned with a list of the prices. the 
 sketches produced more than live hundred 
 per cent. — the pictures three hundred. I re- 
 collect one — a small, early picture, called 
 'Sunday Morning' — I asked Wilkie what ho 
 thought of its fetching, as it did, a hundred 
 and ten pounds, and wh' ther Lord Mulgrave 
 had not got it cheap enough? 'Why, he 
 gave me fifteen pou.ids for it ! ' When I ex- 
 pressed my surprise that he should have 
 given so small a sum for so clever a work, 
 Wilkie, defendmg him, siid, 'Ah, but con- 
 sider, as I was nut known at that time, it was 
 a great risk ! ' " 
 
 GEOKGE IV. AND HIS ARCHITECT. 
 
 The constant anxiety of George IV. to 
 profit, on matters connected with literature 
 and the arts, by the advice and opinions of 
 professors of each science, was an interesting 
 and remarkable trait in his character. On 
 eomc occasions his patience was put to the 
 test, in this manner of acquiring knowledge; 
 and on none more freqiuntly than when con- 
 sulting on matters of ait with his architect. 
 Sir Jeffrey Wyatville, whose odd bluntness 
 and hastiness contrasted amusingly with the 
 polish and temper of his Royal niaster. At 
 the time when alterations were being made 
 in the Tower at Windsor, tho King gave 
 some directions not at all in harmony with 
 Sir Jeffrey's taste; a;cordingly, he put the 
 King's plan on paper, but coolly followed his 
 own in reducing it to execution. When the 
 work was completed his Majesty saw it, and 
 immediately exi)ressnd liij pleasure at seeing 
 that his directions had been so well followed. 
 Most men would have let the matter rest 
 here; but Sir Jeffrey was deterinined not to 
 hide his light under a bu>hel, and taking up 
 the Royal plan that he had rejected, observed 
 triumphantly as he sh iwed it to the King — 
 " If I had done as your Maje-ty desired, this 
 would have been the effect ! '"' The King 
 smiled at his architect's determination to 
 keep his own oi)inions and to gain all the 
 credit for them; and quietly replied, >is he 
 laid down his despisud plan,' " Well, Wyat- 
 ville, I suppose I mudt acknowledge tliat you 
 know best I " 
 
 BOSWELL'S "life of JOHNSON." 
 
 Sir John Malcolm once asked Warren 
 Hastings, who was a contemporary and a 
 companion of Dr. Johnson and Boswell, 
 what was his real estimation of Boswell's 
 " Life of Johnson ? " " Sir," replied Hastings, 
 "it is the dirtiest book in my library." Then 
 proceeding, he added, " I knew Beswell in- 
 timate!}- ; and I well remember, when his 
 book fir»t made its appearance. Bo -well was 
 so full of it that he could neither think nor 
 talk of anything else : so much so, that meet- 
 ing Lord Thurlow hurrying througli Parlia- 
 ment-street to get to the House of Lords, 
 where an important debate was expected, 
 for which he was already too late, liuSAell 
 had the temerity to stop and accost him 
 with 'Have you read my book.^ ' 'Yes, 
 d — m 3'ou!' replied L'>rrt Thuilow, 'every 
 word of it ; I couid not help myself ' " 
 
 morland's secret. 
 During Morland's abode in the rules of the 
 King's Bench, he was in the habit of meet- 
 ing at the tavern, where he spent his 
 evenings, a very discreet, reputable man, 
 turned of fifty at least. This personage had 
 frequently assumed the office of censor- 
 general to the company, and his manners, 
 added to a very correct demeanour, induced 
 I them to submit with a tolerably obedient 
 ! grace. George used now and then, however, 
 I to ' kick,' as he said, and then the old gen- 
 tleinan was always too hurd-nwuthed for him. 
 This inequality at length produced an open 
 rupture between the two, and one night our 
 painter, finding the voice of the company 
 rather against him, rose up in a seemingly 
 dreadful passion, and appearing as if nearly 
 choked with rage, muttered out at last, that 
 he knew what would hang the old rascal, 
 notwithstanding all his cant about morality. 
 This assertion, uttered with so mucli vehe- 
 mence, very much surpris< d the company, 
 and seriously alarmed the old man. who 
 called upon George sternly to know what he 
 dared to say against him. The painter an- 
 swered with a repetition of the otl'ensive 
 words: 'I know what would hang him.' After 
 a very violent altercation, some of the com- 
 pany now taking part with .Morland, it wa.s 
 agreed upon all hands, and at the particular 
 request of the old gentleman, that the jiainter 
 should dcf-lare the worst. With great appa- 
 rent reluct ince, George at length got up, and 
 addressing the company said : ' I have de- 
 clared twice that I knew what would hang 
 
 Mr. ; and n(;w, gentlemen, since 1 am 
 
 c.illed upon before you all, I'll expose it.' 
 He then very deliberately drew from his 
 pocket a piec ! of lay -cord, .and handing it 
 
 across the table, desired Mr. to try 
 
 the experinunt; and if it failed, that 
 would prove him a liar before the whole com- 
 pany, if he dared but to try. The manual 
 and verbal joke was more than the old man 
 was prepared f>ir, and the whole company 
 for the first time (peihaps not very tairly 
 laughed at his expense.
 
 if) 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 THISTLEWOOD, THE TRAITOR. 
 
 •^ Wlicn Thistl^'wood was on the scaffold, his 
 
 ilenu'fiiiour was that of a man wlio was re- 
 solved boUtly to meet the fate he had de- 
 served ; in the few words which were ex- 
 changed between him and his fellow crimi- 
 nals, he observed, that the grand question 
 whethpr or not the soul was immortal would 
 soon be solved for thi m. No expression of 
 hope escaped him, no breathing of repent- 
 ance ; no spark of sjrace appeared. Yet (it 
 is a fact which, whether it be more consola- 
 tory or awful, out;ht to be known) on the 
 night after the sentence, and preceding his 
 execution, while he supposed that the person 
 who was appointed to watch him in bis cell 
 was asleep, this miserable man was seen by 
 that person repeatedly to rise upon his knees, 
 and heard continually calling up n Christ his 
 Saviour to have mercy upon him, and to for- 
 give him his tms! All men and women are 
 verily is Shakspeare has said of them, merely 
 players, when we see them upon the stage of 
 the world ; that is, when they are seen any- 
 
 ^ where except in the freedom and undressed 
 
 / intimacy of private life. 
 
 BOYHOOD OP EDJir?ND IvEAN. 
 
 (By a writer in the New Monthly Magazine.) 
 " I snw .young Edmund Carey (Kean) hrst 
 in April, 1796. I am particularly positive 
 both to month and year, because 1 met Mrs. 
 Carey and the boys i^Uarnley was the other 
 reputed son by another father; this actor 
 was for many years at Astlej^'s Amphi- 
 theatre, and is now living) on the morning 
 of the day on which Ireland's pretended 
 Sbakspearian drama was pt-rformed. Ed- 
 mund was always little, slight, but not 
 young-looking ; 1 should say he was then 
 ten years of age! The fuilawing September 
 he played Tom Thumb at Bartholomew Fair 
 at a public-house ; his mother played Queen 
 DoIluMla ; he had a good voice, and was a 
 pretty boy, but unquestionably more like a 
 Jew than a Christian child. Old Richardson, 
 the showman, engaged him then and subse- 
 quently, and is living to vouch for the fact, 
 as fir as eyesight goes, that in 1796 K*an 
 looked more like a child of ten or twelve than 
 of six years. This of course puts an end to 
 the possibility of his having been born in the 
 year 1790. I cannot vouch as to the truth 
 of the oft-repeated story of the dance of devils 
 in ' Macbeth,' and his rejoinder to John 
 Kemble, who found fault with him, that ' he 
 (Kean) had never appeai-ed in tragedy be- 
 fore ; ' but if it did occur, it must have been 
 in 1794; for Garrick's Druiy was pulled 
 down to be rebuilt in 1791, and the new the- 
 atre commenced dramatic performances with 
 ' Macbeth.' Many novelties of arrangement 
 were attempted, the dance in question among 
 the rest. Charl«j Kemble made his fnst ap- 
 pearance as Malcolm that very night, and 
 the audience laughed very heartily when he 
 exclaimed '■Oh! by whom?^ on hearing 
 the account of his father's murder. Charles 
 Kemble was then said to be eighteen, I think 
 
 he was more. If Kean wasoneof the dancmg 
 devils, he could have been oi ly three yeaft 
 and Jive months old ; that is, taking his own 
 account of being born in November, 1790. 
 
 "Kean broke his leg when a boy, riding 
 an act of horsemanship at Bartholomew 
 Fair; and he was often, towards the years 
 1802, 3, 4, and 5, about different parts of the 
 country, spouting, riding, or ropt-dancing. 
 The last time I saw him, previous to hig 
 ' great hit,' was at Sadler's Wells; he was in 
 front to see B Izoni (afterwards known as 
 the great traveller), who gave a pantomimic 
 perfoimance (such as Ducrow since at- 
 tempted) illustrative of the passions of Le- 
 brim ; Belzoni was superior to anything I 
 ever beheld, and I am not .solitary' in that 
 opinion. Eila, the har|. quin, and Belzoni 
 were together at the old Koyalty Theatre; 
 and Belzoni's brother was al.-o there. The 
 great and enterprising traveller was retained 
 as a posturer at £2 per week ! " 
 
 mathematician's H-vt. 
 Emerson the mathem:.tician, who was 
 otherwi.se singular in his diess, had but one 
 hat, which he made last him the best part of 
 his lifetime, gradually lessening the flaps, 
 bit by bit, as it lost its elasticity and hung 
 down, tiil nothing but the crown remained. 
 
 CHATEAUBRIAND A SOLDIER. 
 
 With his knapsack on his back, and his 
 musket on his shoulder, Chateaubriand one 
 day met the King of Prussia, Frederick Wil- 
 liam, on horseback. " Where are you 
 going? " said the monarch. ^ I am going to 
 fight," replied young Chateaubriand. "I 
 see the French nobleman in that answer," 
 said Frederick, and, saluting him, passed on. 
 Monsitur Chateaubriand had a similar con- 
 versation at Bruxelles with Chauipfort, a, 
 man once of celebrity, but wliose uame is 
 now almost forgotten. " From whence do 
 you come?" asked Chanipfort. "From 
 Niagari." " Where are jou going to? 
 " To where battles are fought." 
 
 STAGE EFPRCT. 
 
 One night, at the Dublin theatre. Moss, a 
 good low comedian, but full of the furore of 
 extravagance in his acting, played the cha- 
 racter of Lovegold, in the comedy of "The 
 Miser." To give an additional, and, as he 
 thought, a happj' stroke to the part, when 
 he was frantic for the loss of his money, he 
 ran to the front of the stage, and snatched 
 the harpsichord- player's wig off, exclaiming 
 as loud as he could — " You iiave got my 
 money ! you have got my money ! and I'll 
 keep ymu- wig till jou retui n it ! " The 
 gentlemen of Cecilia's band instantly put 
 their hands on their heads to secure their 
 wigs, and immediately quitted the tirchestra. 
 The poor man whose bald head had been ex- 
 posed, and the sight of which got the ridicu- 
 lous player a thunder of app ause, could get 
 no satisfaction from Moss for the insult, for 
 be called it a theatrical joke.
 
 ItAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 ENOOUXIER WITH A EOA-CONSTrsICTOli. 
 
 Iq 1842, Prince Adalbert, of Prussia, 
 accompanied by the Cuunts Orioila and 
 Bisninvk, made'the voyage of the Amazon 
 River, in the cour-e of -which the Prince and 
 his con'p.-nions bad the foiiowinf^ desperate 
 encounter with a iJoa-constrictor : — 
 
 « I was ju^t loadini^ my fowlinia;-piece," 
 relates the Prince, " when I observed an ob- 
 ject on the white mud of the river, whicli 
 gleamed in the sun's ra}s like a coil of 
 silver: it was a seiptnt, ba.sking in the sun 
 We rowed towards the spot, and Count 
 Orioila fired at it from a distance of thirty to 
 fortj' paces: he missed it with the tirit 
 barrel, but wounded it in the tail with i he 
 second, which was charged with large shot 
 No. 2. This seemed to rouse the creature: 
 ( ur boat grounded almost at tbe s.nie mo- 
 ment a little higher up than where the 
 serpent laj-, b-.it some intervening bushes 
 prevented our keeping it in sight. We all 
 eagerlv jumped into the river, followed by 
 most of the crew ; CouLts Orioila and Bis- 
 mark were overb -ard in a minute; but as 
 the real depth of the water steminl to me 
 very probh-matieal, I leaped quiekly on to a 
 withered branch of an enonnous prostrate 
 tree, which Served as a bridgw to the shore. 
 Although I had little hope of coming up 
 with the serpent, I advanced as fast as I 
 could along the >lippery trunk — a thing by 
 no means easy, on account of my large 
 India-rubber shoes, which the swollen state 
 of my feet had obliged me to wear for some 
 weeks p ast. Just then I heard the report of 
 a gun on my left, and instiUitly jumpmg 
 into the morass, warm from the sun's heat, 
 sinking into it up to my knee at every step, 
 and leaving one of my shoes in the mud, I 
 hastf-ned in the direction of the sound. 
 Count Ori>'lla, who was the first to leap imt 
 of the boat, ran to the spot where he had 
 wounded tl e serpent, and caught sight of 
 the reptile as it was trying to escape into the 
 forest Suddenly it glided into the mud 
 imdej the trunk of a prostrate tree, and at 
 that in-'tant the Ctmnt struck it wiih a 
 cutlas.s which, however, merely raised the 
 skin : lie then threw himself at full length 
 upon the crnature, as it was slilling aw:iy, 
 and thrust the steel into its back, a few f et 
 from the tail. The Count vainly tried to 
 stop the monstrous re[jtile, which dragged 
 him alon?, though the cutla.ss had pieic«l 
 its body and entered the ground beneath. It 
 was fortunate that the serpent did not bend 
 backwards, and entwine its bold pur.suer in 
 its folds — nor lefs ^o that Count Disniark, 
 the only one who was aniied with a gun, 
 came up at this critical moment: climbing 
 over the trunk of the tree, he faced the 
 enemy, which hissing lifted its head erect in 
 the air, and with f;reat coolness gave it a 
 shot <V bout pnurtaut through the head, which 
 lai-1 it apparently lifeless on the ground. 
 
 " IMy ciiini anions described the creature's 
 strength as wondeiful, writhing in inmiense 
 folds, and flinging itii head Trom one side to 
 
 another in its efforts to escape the well- 
 aimed stroke of Count Orioila ; but a few 
 moments after the shot, whu-h carried away 
 its lower jaw and a pai-t of the head, the 
 serpent seemed to arouse from its stupefac- 
 tion, and Count Uismark ha-^tencd back to 
 the boat to fetch Mr. Theremin's gun. All 
 this was the work of a few moments: I had 
 ha'dly left the V)oat more than two or three 
 minutes, when I stood beside C^unt Orioila, 
 on the trunk of the tree, with the serpent 
 coiled up in an unshapen mios at i's r0'»ts. 
 I could scarcely wait to hear what had 
 passed, but seized a heavj- pole i'rom one of 
 the men who gathered round, to have >*■ 
 thrust at the creatures head. Hailing it-seii 
 up it now .seemed to summon itsla^t strength, 
 but it vainly strove to reach us on the tree. 
 I stood ready, armed with a cutlass, to 
 thrust into its jaw?, while the Count stirred 
 up the serpent, provoking it to figlit ; the 
 creature's strength was, however, exhausted. 
 Count Bisniark now returned, and shattered 
 its skuil with another .shot, and it di' d in 
 strong convulsions. Though 1 could not 
 share with my valiant companions the 
 honour of the day, 1 was fortu::ate enough 
 to arrive in time for the ' Hallali.' Our prey 
 proved to be a large boa-constric;or, mea- 
 suring sixteen feet two inches in length, and 
 one foot nine inches in circumference; the 
 sailors Called it a'Sucuiijii.' In skinning 
 and dissecting it, a doz n membranaceous 
 bags or eggs were found in its body, con- 
 taining young serpents, some siill alive, and 
 from one to two feet lon_'. The Counts 
 kindly presented me with the biautiful skin, 
 which was spotte<l white, yellow, and black, 
 and covered with small scales; this tmphy 
 of their valour now forms the chief ornament 
 of my residence at Monbijou. As soon as 
 the task of skinning was accomplished, 
 which the thickness of the animal's scaly 
 covering rendend vtry difhcult, we again 
 set sail, soon after twelve o'clork, and con- 
 tinued the ascent of the Amazon, carrying 
 off the skin of the Boa in triumph, spread 
 out to dr^' upon the roof of our boat."— 
 Jownal nj' Trarcls, ptthUslud in 1849. 
 
 kkan's l.MritfOIITl-. 
 
 At Birminuhiim, one oi Kean's "benefits" 
 was a total failure: in the lust scene of the 
 play ("A New Way to pay Old Debts"), 
 wherein allusion is made to the marr'age of 
 a lady, "Take her, sir," Ke.m suddenly 
 added, " amd the Birmingham audience into 
 the bargain." 
 
 nAl> COJIPAX^'. 
 
 At the time that lh« t/ut)ble schemes were 
 flouriskih{}, in l.S'Jo, Mr. Abemethy met some 
 friends who had risked large sums of money 
 in one of those fraudulent speculations; they 
 informed him that they were going to par- 
 take of a most sumptuous dinner, the ex- 
 penses of whi' h would be defrayed by the 
 company. "Ill am not very much dect ived," 
 replied he, "j'ou will have nothing but bubble 
 and squeak in a short time." 
 
 /
 
 92 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 (GOOD ADVICE. 
 A young Irishman (placed by his friends 
 as student at a Veterinary College) being 
 in company with some of his colleagues, 
 ; was asked, " If a broken-winded horse were 
 brought to him for cure, wh-it he would 
 advise .' " After consideririg lor a moment, 
 "By the powers," said he, "I should advise 
 the owner to sell as soon as possible." 
 
 \ 
 
 A FOX YAR\ — (From "Jacob FaitlifuL") 
 "I recollect once when I was very near 
 eaten alive bj- foxes, and that in a verj' sin- 
 gular manner. I was then mate of a Green- 
 'Kid ship. We had been on the fishing 
 y '^und fL.r three months, and had twelve fish 
 on board. Finding we were doing well, we 
 fixed our ice-anchors upon a verj' large ice- 
 berg, drifting up and down with it, and tak- 
 ing fish as we fell in with them. One morn- 
 ing, we had just cast loose the carcass of a 
 fish which we had cut up, when the man in 
 the crow's nest, on the look-out for another 
 ' fall,' cried out that a large polar bear and 
 her cub were swimming over to the iceberg, 
 against the side of which, and about half a 
 mile from us, the carcass of the whale was 
 beating. As we had nothing to do, seven ot 
 us immediately started in chase : we had in- 
 tended to have gone after tlie foxes, which 
 had gathered thc-re also in hundreds, to prey 
 upon the dead whale. It was then quite 
 calm; we soon came up with the bear, who 
 at first was for making off, but as the cub 
 could not get on over the rough ice as well 
 as the old one, she at last turned round to 
 bay. We shot the cub to make sure of her, 
 and it did make sure of the dam not leaving 
 us till either she or we perished in the con- 
 flict. I shall never forget her moaning over 
 the cub, as it lay bleeding on the ice, while 
 we fired bullet after bullet into her. At last 
 she turned round, gave a loar and a gnash- 
 ing snarl, which yuu might have heard a 
 mile, and, with her eyes flashing fire, darted 
 upon us. We received her in a body, all 
 close together, with our Lnces to her breast ; 
 but she was so large and so strong, that she 
 beat us all back, and two of us fell ; fortu- 
 nately the others held their ground, and she 
 was then an end, three bullets were put into 
 her chest, which brought her down. I never 
 saw so large a bea.-t in my life. I don't wish 
 to make her out larger than she really was, 
 but I have se< n many a bullock in Smith- 
 field which would not weigh two-thirds, of 
 her. Well, after that, we had some trouble 
 in despatching her; and while we were so 
 emploj'ed, the wind blev/ up in gusts from 
 the northward, and the snow fell heavy. The 
 men were for returning to the ship immedi- 
 ately, which certainly was the wise;--t thing 
 for us all to do ; but I thought that the snow- 
 storm would blow over in a short time, and 
 not wishing to lose so fine a skin, resolved to 
 remain and fliy the beast ; for 1 knew, if left 
 there a few hours, as the foxes could not get 
 hold of the carta.ss of the whale, which had 
 not grounded, that they would soon finish 
 
 the bear and cub, and the skins be worth 
 nothing. Well, the other men went back to 
 the ship, and as it was, the snow-storm came 
 on so thick, that they lost their way, and 
 would never have foun'* her, if it was not 
 that the bell was kept toriing for a guide to 
 them. I soon found that I had done a very 
 foolish thing : instead of the storm blowing 
 over, the snow came d iwn thicker and 
 thicker; and before I had taken a quarter of 
 the skin off, I was becoming cold and 
 numbed, and then I was unable to regain the 
 ship, and with every prospect of being frozen 
 to death before the storm was over. At lait, 
 I knew what was my only chance. I had 
 flayed all the bel'y of the'bear, but had not 
 cut her open. I ripped her up, tore out all her 
 inside, and contrived to i;et into her body, 
 where I lay, and, having closed up the en- 
 trance hole, was warm and comfortable, for 
 the animal heat had not yet been extin- 
 guished. This manoeuvre no doubt saved 
 my life ; and I have heard that the French 
 soldiers did the same in their unfortunate Rus- 
 sian campaign, killing their horses, a. d get- 
 ting inside to protect themselves fromthe 
 dreadful weather. Well, Jacob, I had not 
 lain there more than half an hour, when 1 
 knew, by .-undry jerks and tugs at my new- 
 invented hurricane-house, that the foxes 
 were bus\ — and so they were, sure enough. 
 There must have been hundreds of them, ibr 
 the}- were at work in all directions, and some 
 pushed their sharp noses into the opening 
 where I had crept in ; but I contrived to get 
 out my knife and saw theh noses across 
 whenever the}^ touched me, otherwise I 
 should have been eaten up in a very short 
 time. There were so many of theui, and 
 they were so ravenous, that they soon got 
 through the bear's thick skin, and were 
 tearing away at the flesh. Now I was not 
 so much afraid of their eating me, as 1 
 thought that if I jumped up and discovered 
 myself, they would have all fled. No saying, 
 though : two or three hundred ravenous 
 devils take courage when together; but I 
 was afraid that they would devour my cover- 
 ing from the weather, and then I should 
 perish with the cold; and I also was afraid 
 of having pieces nipped out of me, which 
 wou'd, of course, oblige me to quit my retreat. 
 At last daylight was made through the upper 
 part of the carcass, and I was only protected 
 b}' the ribs of the animal, between which 
 every now and then their noses dived and 
 nipped my seal-skin jacket. I was jist 
 tninking of shouting to frighten them away, 
 when I heard the report of half-a-dozen mus- 
 kets, and some of the bullets struck the car- 
 cass, but fortunately did not hit me. I im- 
 mediately hallooed as loud as I could, and 
 the men, hi-aring me, ceased firing. They 
 had fired at the foxes, little thinking that I 
 was inside of the bear. I crawled out, the 
 storm was over, and the men of the ship had 
 come back to look for me. My brother, who 
 was also a mate on board of the vessel, who 
 had not been with the first party, had joined
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 93 
 
 them in search, but with little hopes of 
 findinsr me alive. He hugged me in his 
 arms, covered as I was with blood, as soon as 
 he saw me. He's dead now, poor fellow! — 
 That's the stoiy, Jacob." — Capt. Marryat. 
 
 KITTY CLOVER. 
 
 Little Knight wTOte a song called " Kitty 
 Clover," the melody of which Kean played 
 over one day in the presence of his (Knight's) 
 son; it was subsequently brought out as 
 "compoiad by ^Ir. Kean." Knight was at- 
 tempting to flatter the tragedian by talking 
 at him of the beaut}' of the melody to Miss 
 Step' 1 ens, whom he persuaded to sing a serious 
 song that he had written to the air. Kean 
 then turned away from Knight, and said to 
 a friend, " Don't mind that fellow; the truth 
 is, I was out all night in Glasgow, and heard 
 a soldier, who was as diunk as myself, 
 whistling an air : my ear is quick, and I 
 caught up something like the mslody in 
 question ; but as no one has claiir.ed it, I sup- 
 pose it's had enough to be mine." 
 
 "that's the allegory." 
 ^ A miser beihg de^d, and fairly interred, 
 came to the banks, of the river Styx, desiring 
 to be ferried over along with the other ghosts. 
 Charon demanded his fare, and was surprised 
 to see the miser, rather than pay it, throw 
 himself into the river and swim over to 
 the other side, notwithstanding all the 
 clamour and opposition that could be made 
 to him. All Tartarus was in an uproar; and 
 each of the judges was meditating some 
 punishment suitable to a crime of such dan- 
 gerous consequences to the infernal revenues. 
 ■' Shall he be chained to the rock along wih 
 Prometheus? or tremble below the precipice 
 in companj' with the Danaides.' or assist 
 Sisyphus in rolling his stone.' " " Xo," said 
 Minos, "none of these ; we must invent 
 some severer punishment. Let him be sent 
 back to the earth, to ste the use his heirs are 
 making of his riches." 
 
 HIGH RXOWLEDGK. 
 
 A Pied;nonti.se Princess has rendered her- 
 self famous by a single sentence. There 
 was a faniine m th;it little kingdom. The 
 Princess was astonished. " Do they die of 
 it.'" asked she. "In great numbers," was 
 the answer. " What squeamishness ! " said 
 her Highness; "why don't they eat beef and 
 mutton? I'm sure I would do so, rather 
 than starve." 
 
 The world has other instances of this high- 
 life knowlege. The son of an English Duke, 
 a guardsman, is still memorable for a senti- 
 ment of equal ease. On his regiment being 
 ordered for Holland, iu the first French war, 
 it was observed that he must prepare for 
 some privations. " To be sure I must," was 
 his reply. "A bottle of good champagne, 
 and a tolerable haunch, I suppose, are holiday 
 fare among the mynheers. Let me have but 
 a bottle of drinkable claret and a roast fowl, 
 and I can get on anywhere." 
 
 TRADE AGAINST LAICD. 
 
 When the late Mr. Whitbread's father, the 
 brewer, first opposed the Duke of BeJford's 
 interest at Bedford, the Duke informed him 
 that he would spend £.30,000 rather than he 
 should come in. \Vhitbread,with true English 
 spirit, replied, that was nothing; t:;e sale 
 of his grains would pay for that. 
 
 COLLINS AND ELLISTON. 
 
 Mr. Collins, the painter, and some friends, 
 were one night sitting with Klliston in his 
 box at Drury-lane theatre, when one of the 
 inferior actors attracted their attention by 
 the shabbiness of his cos'ump, and the 
 general poverty of his whole appearance. 
 His stockings, particularly, were in a misera- 
 ble condition ; and the embroideied ornament 
 at the and? of one, called the "clock," was 
 positively' ragged. Elliston first discerned 
 the latter feature in the costume of his hum- 
 ble brother actor ; aod, in tragic seriousness 
 of tone, directly drew the painter's attention 
 to it, in the folio -ving words: — " Watch his 
 ^ clock r — he got it upon tick!" 
 
 RUSTIC IGNORANCE. 
 
 An old woman, who had never in the 
 course of her life taken the Sacrament, hav- 
 ing become extremely anious to receive it, 
 the pastor of the parish to which she be- 
 longed thought it his dut}' to examine her 
 a little, and unfortunately found her one of 
 the most deplorabl}- ignorant and stupid be- 
 ings in existence, with few ideas beyond a 
 sort of V igue, general notion of a God, and a 
 future state of retribution. Perceiving that 
 she knew nothing of her prayers and creed, 
 he astied her whether she had ever heard that 
 there were any commandments? and if she 
 had, how many? She replied j-es, and tnat 
 there yfcrbfive. " Five!" exclaimed the mi- 
 nister, "you mistake; however, tell me, if 
 3'ou can, which be they." " Why, sir," an- 
 swered the ancient catechumen, with a curt- 
 se}' and lo' k of manifest pleasure that at 
 length an opportunity had occurred of dis- 
 playing her knowledge, '^ Ihey be Christmas 
 Da}-, Lady Day, Lammas Day, Michaelmas 
 Day, and, let me see, another, but I'm sure I 
 forget what." "Good Il'avens! my poor 
 woman ! " exclaimed the li^-rifiud clergy- 
 man, " I could not have concSved that any- 
 body hv d so weak as yourself! " " Wake!" 
 quoth the old dair.e iri a huff, "wake did you 
 call me, sir? A}', ay, indeed, I may well be 
 wake, ai:d so would you be, I fancy, an you'd 
 been troubled with the ager-&ts as Jong as I 
 have." 
 
 An old woman, extremely anxious to be 
 confirmed, was aaked by tbe clergvman of 
 her parish whether it was with a viJw to re- 
 ceive the Sacrament, and whether she under- 
 stood the meaning and purport of confirma- 
 tion ? to which she answered, ''Ay, why, no, 
 sir; I can't say that I well do. But I've 
 wanteil mortal bad to be confanned, because 
 I've a notion 'tis a some'at as 'ill do my 
 rheumatiz good ! " 
 
 / 
 
 /
 
 04 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 NAU'nCAJ> SEEMOKr. 
 
 A clerfjv man preaching in the neighbour- 
 lioofi of VV'appinf^r, observing that most part 
 of his auJience were in the seafaring va}', 
 very naturally pmbellished bis discourse with 
 several nau'ical tropes and fiiiures. Amongst 
 other things, he advised them "to be ever 
 on the watch, so that on whatsoever tack the 
 evil one should bear down on them, he niisht 
 be crippled in action." "Ay, master," said 
 a son of Neptune, " but let me tell you, that 
 •will depend upon j'our. having the weather 
 gage of him." 
 
 STRALrNO THE WOKD. 
 
 When Lord Novhury was presiding in 
 one of the Irish criminal courts, the regis- 
 trar complained to him th it witnesses were 
 in the habit of stealing the Testament after 
 they had been sworn upon it. " Never 
 mind." said bis Lordship, "if the rascKls read 
 the book, it will do them more good than the 
 petty larceny may do them mischief How- 
 ever, if thev are not afraid of the cord, hang 
 your book in chains, and that, perhaps, by 
 reminding the fell'>ws of the fate of their 
 fathers and grandfathers, mav make them 
 behave tliemselve-;.'" This strange expedient 
 was adopted, and the Testament remained 
 afterward secure. 
 
 SUDT>EN DEATHS ON THE S^AGE. 
 
 It is rekited that a gentleman of the name 
 of Bond colleoted a party of his friends, got 
 up the play of " Zara," at the Mus;c-ro(.m in 
 Villiers-street, York- buildings, an<i choso the 
 part of Lusigniin for himself His acting 
 •was considered as a prodigy; and he yielded 
 hini.self up so to thf force and impetuosity of 
 his imagination, that on the discovery of his 
 daughter be fainted away. The hou~e rang 
 •with applause; but, finding that he conti- 
 nued a long time in that situation, the au- 
 dience began to be uneasy and apprehensive. 
 With some difficulty, the representatives of 
 ChatiUon and Ntrcstan placed him in his 
 chair; he then faintly spoke, extended his 
 arms to receive his . hildren, raised his eyes 
 to heaven, and then closed them fo: ever. 
 
 In October, 1758, Joseph Petersori (an 
 actor long attached to th i Norwich company) 
 was performing the Duke in " Measure for 
 Measure." which he pUyed in a masterly 
 style, and had just uttered these words — 
 
 " Reason thus with life ; 
 If I do lose thee, I do lose a thing 
 That none but fools would keep ; a breath 
 thou art," 
 
 when he dropped into Mr. Moody's arms and 
 never spoko again. 
 
 A similar end waf that of Mr. John Pal- 
 mer : on the 2nd ot Aug'ast, 1798, while per- 
 forming in the play of the " Stranger"' at 
 the Liverpool Theatre, after uttering the line, 
 
 " There is another and a bettec world," 
 
 he fell on his back, heaved a convulsive sigh, 
 and instantly expired. 
 
 COLI.INS'S MARRIAOK. 
 
 When Mr. Collins was imited to Miss 
 Geddes, in the English Episcopal Ch<n-cb, in 
 York-place, Edinburgh, by the Rev. Dr. 
 Alison, author of the celebrated work on 
 " Taste," ttie Doctor exhibited his literary 
 enthusiasm in a graceful and pleasing light, 
 dechning to take any fees. on the conclu- 
 sion of the ceremony.* "You bear the name 
 of a great poet," said he to the painter, 
 " and you are yourself increasing the honours 
 of that name, by your prgress in one of the 
 intollectuiil arts: I could receive no fees 
 from any 'William Collins;' and still less 
 could I take them from you." 
 
 DEATH OF DR. ADAM CLARKE BY CHOLERA. 
 
 In the autumn «( 1832, the cholera was 
 spreading death and dismay far and wide 
 throughout the land. Dr. Clarke ajipears 
 to have had no personal fear of it. On the 
 contrar}-, he made volunteer excursions into 
 districts where it prevailed. He specially 
 named it, however, in the morning and 
 evening devotions which he offered up m his 
 family, and prayed that " each and all might 
 be saved from its influence, or prepared for 
 sudden death." He was engaged to preach 
 at Bayswater, on Sunday, the L'Gth of August, 
 and on the Saturday before be was conveyed 
 there in a friend's chaise. Ho was cheerful 
 on the road, but was tired with his journey 
 and listless in the evening: .and when a 
 gentleman asked him to preach a charity 
 sermon for him and fix the day, he made 
 an.swer, " I am not well ; I cannot fix a 
 time; I must first see what God is about 
 to do with me." He retired to bed early, 
 not without some of those symptoms that 
 indicited the approach of this awful disase, 
 but which do not appear to have excited 
 any suspicions in himself or in his friends. 
 He rose in the morning ill, and wanting to 
 get home ; but before arrangements Could be 
 made for his removal he had sank into his 
 chair — that icy C'lldness, by which the 
 complaint is characterised, had come 
 on, and when the medical men arrived, 
 they pronounced it a cle u- ca?e of cliolera. 
 His wife, and most of his children, short 
 as the summons was, gathered about 
 him — he had ever been the most affec- 
 tionate of husbands and parents — and his 
 looks indicated great satisfaction when 
 he had them by his side, tiec desidera- 
 verunt aliquid oculi ; but he was now nearly 
 •speechless. "Am I blue?" however, he 
 said to one of his sons — a question indicating 
 his knowledge of the malady undtr v/hich 
 he was sinking; and without any effort ot 
 nature to rally, he breathed his last with a \ 
 short sob. about the seventieth year of liis 
 age. "The heart," adds the biographer of 
 bis latter days, "knoweth his own bitterness, 
 but what can equal the anguish of that emo- 
 tion which first tells the wife she is a 
 widow, and the children that they are fat her- 
 less? They feel its pang once — to forg«t it 
 no more for ever"
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 95 
 
 Chateaubriand's interview •with 
 
 WA-HDJiiTON. 
 
 "A little house of the English constrae- 
 tion (says Chateaubriand), resembling the 
 houses in its neighbourhood, was the palace 
 of the President of the United States. Xo 
 guards, no valets. I knocked — a young ser- 
 vant-girl opened to me. I asked her if the 
 General was at home She asked me my 
 name, which being difEcuk to pronounce in 
 English, she could not retain. But she Siid, 
 'Walk in, sir,' and went before me through 
 one of those long and narrow corridors which 
 serve as a vestibule to English houses. She 
 introduced me into a parlour, and told me 
 the General would attend me. I was not 
 moved ; greatness of soul or of fortune never 
 disconcert me. I admire the tirst, without 
 being humbled by it. The world inspires me 
 with niOri' pity than respect. Kever has the 
 face of m-^n tioubled me. In a few minutes 
 the General entered. He was a man of large 
 stature, his demeanour calm, rather cold than 
 noble. He resembles bis pictures. I pre- 
 sented him my letter in silence ; he opened 
 it, turned to the signature, which he read 
 aloud, exclainiing, 'Colonel Armand!' It 
 was thus that the Marquis de la Rouverie 
 had signed. We sat down. I cxphiincd to 
 him as well as I could the motive of mj- 
 voj'age. He answered me by monosyllables 
 in FrencL or English. He listened to me 
 with a.stoni>hment. I approached him, and 
 said with vivacity, 'But it is less difficult to 
 discover the North-East pas.sage tban to 
 create a people as you have done.' ' Well 
 we//,' said he, 'young nian,'' stretching to me 
 his hand. He invited me to dine with him 
 on the following day, and we parted. 
 
 " I was exact at the rendezvous. We 
 were but (ivc or six guests. The conversa- 
 tion turned almost entirelj' on the French 
 Revolution. The General showed us the key 
 of the Bastile. These keys were silly toys, 
 which were then distributed in the two 
 worlds If Wa.shington had seen, like me, 
 the vanquishers o! the Bastile in the gutleri 
 of Paris, he would have had less faith in his 
 relic. The seriousne-s and the force ot thif 
 revolution was not in it.s bloody orgies. At 
 the revocation of the Edict of Nantes, in 
 1685, the same populace of the Faubourg St. 
 Antoine (lenmlished the I'rotestaiit temple of 
 Charenton with a.-* much z<-al as they deva.s- 
 tated the church of St. I)eni.sin 1793. Such 
 was my meeting with Ibis man, who has 
 emau'ipated a whole world. Washington 
 had sunk into the tomb before any fame was 
 attachtd to my name ; I pas.seci before him 
 as the mo.st unknown being. He was in all 
 his splendour, and 1 in all my obscurity. 
 Perhaps, my r.ame did not remain a whole 
 day in bis memory. Happy am I, never- 
 theless, that bus regards have fallen upon me. 
 I have felt mvsflf warmed b}' them during 
 the rest of my life. There is a virtue in the 
 legard of a great man. I have since seen 
 Bonaparte. Thus Providence has shown me 
 two persons, whom it has been pleased to 
 
 place at the head of the destinies of their 
 age." 
 
 "WH.\T A SHOCKING B.\D HAT TOUVe 
 GOT." 
 
 This phrase, which was ver}- popular some 
 eighteen years ago, is said to have originated 
 
 as follows :— " When Mr. U , the worthy 
 
 hat-maker, was canvassing the poorer con- 
 stituents of the borough of Southwark for 
 their ' sweet voices,' he invariably addressed 
 them in this form : ' I wait upon you, sir, 
 to request the favour of your vote and inte- 
 re.st at the ensuing election. To bribery and 
 corruption — I — will — not — have — recourse; 
 
 but, sir, if Why, bless me, sir, what a 
 
 shocki;:g bad hat you've got ! really, you 
 mu.st allow me to send you a new one. 
 But, sir, as I was about to say, if you can 
 conscientiously,' " &c. 
 
 A MATCH FOR ABERXETHT. 
 
 A scene of much entertainment once took 
 place between our eminent surgeon and the 
 famous John PhOpot Curran. Mr. Curran, 
 it seems, being personally unknown to him, 
 had visited Mr. Abernethy several timss 
 without having had an opportunity of fullj- 
 explainifl:; (as he thought) the nature of his 
 malady; at last, determined to have a hear- 
 ing, when interrupted in his story, he fixed 
 his dark bright eye on the "doctor," and 
 said — " Mr. Abernethy, I have been hjgre on 
 eight ditfarcnt days, and 1 have paid you 
 eight dilfprent guineas ; but you have never 
 yet listened to the symptoms of mj- com- 
 plaint. I am resolved, sir, not to leave this 
 room till yod satisfy me by doing S'>." Struck 
 by his manner, Mr. AbeiTiethy threw himself 
 back in his chair, and assuming the posture 
 of a most indefatigable listener, exclaimed, 
 in a tone of half surprise, half humour. 
 " Oh ! very well, sir ; I am ready to hear 
 j"t u out. Go on, give me the whole — your 
 birth, parejitage, and education. I wait your 
 p'easure; go on." Upon w^hicb Curran^ not 
 ; whit di.sconcerti^d, j:ravely began: — '-My 
 name is Jolm Philpot Curran. My pirenis 
 were poor, but I believe honest people, of the 
 province of Munster, where also I was bom, 
 at Newmarket, in the county of Cork, in the 
 year one thou.sand seven hundred and fifty 
 My father lieing employed to collect the 
 rents of a Protestant gtutleman, of small 
 f rtune, in that neighbourhood, procured luy 
 admission into one of the Protestant fre.e- 
 schMols, where I obtained the firs' rulimects 
 of my education. I was next enabled to 
 cuter Trinity College, Dublin, in the humble 
 sphere of a sizar;" and so he continued for 
 several minutes, giving his astonished hearei 
 a true, but irresistibly laughable account of 
 hLs '• birtti, parentiige, and education," as 
 desired, till he came to his illness and .suffer- 
 ings, the detail of which was not again in- 
 terrupted. It is hardly necessan* to add, 
 that Mr. Abernethy 's at-tenbon to liis gilted 
 patient was. from that Douj to the clo» Oi 
 Lis litV. adsiauous, tureauttiog, and devoMd
 
 96 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 S^ 
 
 ABFRNETHIANA. 
 
 Abernethy's mind disqualified him from 
 adopting that affected interest which distin- 
 guishes many of the well-bred physicians, 
 and he hcartil}' despised their little arts to 
 acquire popularity. He seemed to feel ax if 
 he mentally expressed himftlf thus; — "Here 
 I am, read)' to give my advice if you want 
 it ; but yon must take it as you lind it, and if 
 you don't like it, egad (his favourite word), 
 vou may go about your business — I don't 
 want to have anything to do with you ; hold 
 your longue and be off." In some such mood 
 as this he received a visit from a lady one 
 day who was well acquainted with his invin- 
 cible repugnance to her sex's predominant 
 disposition, and who therefore forboie speak- 
 ing but simply in reply to his laconic queries. 
 The consultation was conducted during three 
 visits in the fallowing manner: — First Day. 
 — Ladv enters and holds out her finger. — 
 Abernkhv: "Cut?"— Ladv: "Bite." A: 
 "Dog?"— L. : "Parrot." "A. : "Go home 
 and poultice it." Second dav. — Finsier held 
 out again.— A.: " Better? "—L. : MVorse." 
 A. : "Go home and poultice it again." Third 
 Day. — Finger held out as before. — A. : 
 *• Better ? "— L. : " Well." A. t " You're the 
 most sensible woman I ever met with. Good 
 bye. Get out." 
 
 Another lady, having scalded her arm, 
 called at the usual hour to shew it three suc- 
 cessive days, when similar laconic conversa- 
 tions took place. First Day — Patient, ex- 
 posing the arm, says — Burnt." — A : " I see 
 it,"' and having prescribed a lotion, she de ■ 
 parts. Second day — Patient shows the arm, 
 and say? — " Better.'" — A. : " 1 know it." 
 Third D.v — again showing the arm. — Pa- 
 tient: '-Well "—A : "Any fool can tell that. 
 What d'ye come again for? Get away." 
 
 A patient consulted Mr. Abernethy for a 
 pain in the arm, and holding it up in the air, 
 said " It always gives me pain when I hold 
 it up so." " A. : Then why the devil do you 
 hold it up so ? " 
 
 In all cases of obesity and repletion Mr. 
 Abernethy was especialh' impatient, and in- 
 disposed to p>eseribe. A portly gentleman 
 from the country once called on him for ad- 
 vi.^e and received the following answer : — 
 " You nasty beast, you go and fill your g — , 
 and then you cume to me to empty them." 
 
 A young lady was brought one morning 
 by her mamma, i omplaining of difficulty of 
 breathing when taking exercise and after 
 her meals. Perceiving her to be very tightU' 
 laced round the waist, Mr. Abernethy seized 
 a pair of scissors, and, without sapng a word, 
 ripped up the stays from top to bottom, and 
 then desired her to walk about for ten mi- 
 nutes. The injuni'tion being couipHed with 
 accordingly, he demanded how she felt. 
 ** Better," was the reply. The mandate was 
 repeated, and the walk being finished, he 
 asked, "How now?" "Quite well," was 
 the answer. Abernethy: "That will do. 
 Take her away, and don't let her wear 
 tight stays." In such a case a common phy- 
 
 sician would probably prescribe to oblige the 
 apothecary and to please the patient. The 
 eccentric profess. ir went directly to the cause 
 at once, and removed it, without caring who 
 was pleased or who not so, having no sinister 
 object in view. Another young lady was 
 one summer's morning brought to him by 
 her mother in consequence of the former hav- 
 ing swallowed a spider. Mr. Abernethy 
 dexterously caught a blue-bottle fly as it fltd 
 by him, and told the patient to put it into 
 her mouth, and if she spit it out in a few mo- 
 ments the spidrr would come out with it, 
 
 A lawyer having called to show the state 
 of his leg, proceeded to remove the bandages, 
 which Mr. Abernethy endeivoured to pre- 
 vent, every now and then repeating, "No, 
 no, that will do: shut it up — shut it up." 
 Accordingly the lawyer yielded at length, 
 but determined on revenge. Mr. Abernethy 
 having simply prescribed for the stomach 
 without regard to the leg, the patient tendered 
 a shilling, and prepared to depart, when the 
 former, missing the expected sovereign, ob- 
 served that there must be some mistake. " No 
 no," said the lawyer, advancing to the door, 
 " that will do — that will do : shut it up — shut 
 it up." 
 
 WqLKIE's SIiMPLICITY. 
 
 On the birth of Collins's first son, the 
 painter requested Sir David Wilkie to be- 
 cane one of the sponsors for his child. The 
 great artisfs first criticism on his future god- 
 son is worth recording, from its originality. 
 Sir David, whose studies of human nature 
 extended to everything but infant human 
 nature, had evidently been refreshing his 
 faculties for the occasion, by taxing his boy- 
 ish recollections of puppies and kitttns ; fsr. 
 after looking intently into the child's eyes, 
 as it was held up for his inspection, he ex- 
 claimed to the father, with serious astonish- 
 ment and satisfaction, " He sees ! " 
 
 LORD KEEPER ELLESMERE. 
 
 Lord Ellesmere, who was made keeper of 
 the seals in the o8th of Queen Elizabeth, 
 was son of a servant girl named Sparks, 
 who had lived with his father. Sir Richard 
 Egerton, of Ridley. His mother had been so 
 neglected by her seducer, thdt she was com- 
 pelled to beg for support ; when a neighbour- 
 ing gentleman, a friend of Sir Richard, saw 
 her asking alms followed by her child. He 
 admired its beautv, and .saw in it the evident 
 features of the Knight. He immediately 
 went to Sir Richard, and laid before him the 
 disgrace of suffering his own offspring, ille- 
 gitimate as be was, to wander from door to 
 door. He was touched with the reproof, 
 adopted the child, and, by a proper education, 
 laid the foundation of its future fortulifl. 
 Fuller, in his " Worthies," says, that " surely 
 Christendom affoided not a person who car- 
 ried more gravity in his countenance than 
 Sir Thomas Kgerton : ins<'much that many 
 who have gone to the Chancery on purpose 
 only to see his venerable aspect and garb, were 
 highly pleased at so acceptable a spectacle."
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 97 
 
 OLD JESTS. 
 
 Persons who gloat over dust and black- 
 letter need scarcely be told that the best of 
 "modern" jests are almost literally from the 
 antique : in short, that what we employ to 
 " set the table in a roar'' were employed" In' 
 the wise men of old to enliven their cii]>.-, 
 deep and stronfj; that to jest was a part of 
 the Platonic philosophy ; and that the excel- 
 lent fancies, the Ha-shes of merriment, of our 
 forefathers, are nightly, nay, hourly re-echoed 
 for our amusement. Yet such is the whole 
 art of pleasing : what has pleased will, with 
 certain modifications, continue to please again 
 and again, until the end of time. 
 
 But wc may displease; and as Hamlet 
 says, " We must speak by the card." Here 
 is from Hierocles, a little batch of jests 
 with antique humoui" richly dight. The 
 reader will recognise many old acquaint- 
 ances, but he need not toucli his bat, lest his 
 politene'ss weary him. These old stories are 
 but " pick'd to be new van'd." 
 
 An irritable man went to visit a sick 
 friend, and asked him concerning his health. 
 The patient wis so ill that he could not re- 
 ply; whereupon the other in a rage said, 
 "i hope that I may soon fall sick, and then 
 I will not answer you when you visit me." 
 
 A speculative gentleman, wishing to tearii 
 his horse to do without food, starved him to 
 death. " I had a great loss" said he ; " for, 
 just as he learned to live without eating, he 
 died." 
 
 A curious inquirer, desirous to know how 
 he looked when asleep, sat with closed eyes 
 before a mirror. 
 
 A young man told his friend that he 
 dreamed that he had struck his foot against 
 a sharp nail. " Why then do you sleep 
 without your shoes?" was the reply. 
 
 A robustious countryman meeting a phy- 
 sician, ran to hide behind a wall; being 
 asked the cause, he replied, " It is so long 
 since I have been sick, that I am ashamed to I 
 look a physician in the face." | 
 
 A gentleman had a cask o'' Aminean wine, ■ 
 from which his servant stole a large quan- j 
 tity. When the master perceived the de- I 
 ficiency, he diligently inspected the top of | 
 the cask, but could tind no traces of an open- I 
 ing. " Look if there be not a hole in the i 
 bottom," said a bystander. "Pdockhead!" ' 
 lie replied, " do you not see that the detl- | 
 ciency is at the top, and not at the bottom ? " | 
 A young man meeting an acquaintance, | 
 said, " I heard that you were dead." " But," I 
 says the other, "you see me alive." " I do i 
 Bot know how that may l)e." replied he: I 
 "you are a notorious liar ; but my informant | 
 was a person of credit." | 
 
 A man hearing that a raven would live 
 two hundred year.^, bought one to try. 
 
 During a storm, the passoncers on board a 
 vessel that appeared in danger seized differ- 
 ent implements to aid them in swimming, 
 and one of the number selected for this pur- 
 pose the anchor. 
 One of twin brothers died : a fellow meet- 
 
 ing the survivor, asked, " Which is it, you 
 or your brother, that's dead ? " 
 
 A man wrote to his friend in Greece, beg- 
 ging him to purchase books. From negli- 
 gence or avarice, he neglected to execute the 
 commission; but fearing that his correspond- 
 ent might be oftended, he exclainced, when 
 next they met, " My dear friend, I never 
 got the letter that vou wrote to me about the 
 books." 
 
 A wittol.a barber, aud a bald-headed man 
 travelled together. Loosing their way, they 
 were forced to sleep in the open air; "ar.d, to 
 avert danger, it was agreed to keep watch by 
 turns. The lot first fell on the barber, who, 
 for amusement, shaved the foul's head while 
 he slept; he then woke him, and the foo!, 
 raising his hand to scratch his head, ex- 
 claimed, " Here'* a pretty mistake ; rascal I 
 you have waked the bald-headtd man in- 
 stead of me." 
 
 A citizen, seeing some sparrows in a tree, 
 went beneath and shook it, holding out hij 
 hat to catch them as they fell. 
 
 A foolish fellow having a house to sell, 
 took a brick from the wall to exhibit as a 
 sample. 
 
 A man meeting his friend, said, " I spoke 
 to you last night in a dream." "Pardon 
 me," replied the other, " I did not hear 
 you." 
 
 A man that had nearly been drowned 
 while bathing, declared that he would not 
 again go into the water until he had learned 
 to swim. 
 
 (To understand the next, wc must pre- 
 mise that a horse with his first teeth wa* 
 called by the Greeks "a lirst thrower.") 
 
 A man selling a horse was asked if it wai 
 a lirst thrower. "By Jove," said he, "he's 
 a second thrower, for he threw both me and 
 my father." 
 
 A fellow had to cross a river, and entered 
 a boat on horsebick ; being asked the 
 cause, he replied, "I must rid-^, because 1 
 am in a huiry.'' 
 
 A student in want of money sold his books, 
 and wrote hora«, "Father, rejoice, fbr I now 
 derive my support from literature." 
 
 KHAL TF.Aor.UY. 
 
 The historj' of Sweden records a very ex- 
 traordinary incident, which took place at the 
 representation of the myster}' of the Passion, 
 under King John IL.'in lolS. The actor 
 who pertbrniel the part of Longinus, the 
 soldier wliu was to pierce the Christ on the 
 cross in the side, was so trans|)orted with 
 the spirit of his action, that he really killed 
 the man who jierconaied our Lord"; who, 
 falling suddenly, and with great violence, 
 ovurlhrew the actre.^s who represented the 
 Holy Mother. King John, who was present 
 at this spectacle, was so enraged against 
 Longinus, ihsit he • leaped on the stage and 
 struck oft" his head. The spectators, who 
 had been delighted with the too violent 
 actor, became infuriated against their King, 
 fell upou him in a throng, and killed him
 
 9S 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK! 
 
 ^VN INCIDEMT ON- THE ICE. 
 
 The winter was nnnsually severe, and the 
 ic€ on the St. Lawrence paticnlarly thick; 
 however, while the rivei' beneath was rush- 
 ing towards the sea, the ice was waiting in 
 abej'ance in the middle of the stream until 
 the narrow fas n ess between Montreal and 
 St. Helens should burst and allow the whole 
 mass to break into piecei^, and then in stu- 
 pendous confusion to hurry downwards to- 
 wards Quebec. On St. Helens there was 
 quartered a small detachment of troop.=, and 
 while the breaking up of the ice was mo- 
 mentarily expecicd, many of the soldiers, 
 muffled in their great-coats, with thick 
 storm-gloves on their hands, and with a 
 piece of fur attached to their caps to protect 
 their ears from being frozen, were on the ice 
 employed in attending to the road across it 
 to iVlontreal. After a short suspense, wiiich 
 increased rather than allayed their excite- 
 nient, a deep thundering noise announced to 
 them that the process of breaking up had 
 commenced. The ice before them writhed, 
 heaved up, burst, broke into fragments, and 
 the whole miss, excepting a small portion, 
 which remaining rivetted to the shore of 
 St. Helens fcjrmed an artificial pitr with 
 deep water beneath it, gradually moved 
 downwards. Just at this moment of intense 
 interest a little girl, the daughter of an 
 artilleryman on the island, was SBtn on the 
 ice in the middle of the river in an attitude 
 of agony and alarm. Imprudently and 
 unobserved, she had attempted to cr- ss over 
 to Montreal, and was hardly half way when 
 the ice both above, below her, and in all 
 directions, gave way. The child's fate 
 seemed inevitable, and it was exciting va- 
 rious sensations in the minds, and various 
 exclamations from the mouths of the sol- 
 diers, when .something within the breast of 
 Thomas Neill, a young sergeant in the 24th 
 regiment, who happened to be much nearer 
 to her than the rest, di-tinctly uttered to 
 him the raonosylUbles "Quick march ! " and 
 in obedience thereto, fixing his eyes on the 
 child as on a parade bandarole, he steadily 
 proceeded towards her. Sometimes just 
 before him, simetimes just behind him, and 
 sometimes on either side, an immense piece 
 of ice would pause, rear up on end, and roll 
 over, so as occasiunally to hide him altoge- 
 ther fi om view. Sometimes he was se u 
 jumping from a piece that was beginni'ig to 
 rise, and then, like a white bear, carefully 
 clambering down a piece that was beginning 
 to sink : however, onwards he proceeded ; 
 until reaching the little island of ice on 
 which the poor child stood, with the feelings 
 of calm triumph with which he would have 
 £mm(nmted a breach, he firmly grasped her 
 by the hand. By this time he hai been 
 floated d >vvn the river nearly out of tight of 
 bis comrades. However, some of them, 
 havinc: run to their barracks for spy-g' asses, 
 distinctly bethel 1 him about two mdes below 
 them, sometimes leading the chdd in his 
 hand, sometimes carrying her in his arms; 
 
 sometimes "halting," soBietimea running 
 "double quick;" and in this dangerous pre- 
 dicament he continued for six iniles, until, 
 after passing Longeuil, he was given up :>y 
 his comrades as — lost He remained witb 
 the little girl floating down the middle of 
 the river for a considerable time; at last, 
 towards evening, the}' were discovered by 
 some French Canadians, who, at no small 
 risk, humanely pushed off in a canoe to their 
 assistance, and thus re-'cued them both from 
 their perilous situation. The Canadians 
 took them to their home. At last, in due 
 time they returned to St. Helens. The 
 child was happily restored to its parents, 
 and Sergeant Neill quietly returned to his 
 barracks. — Sir Francis Head's ^^£migvant." 
 
 HENRY ERSKUJE. 
 
 It was on a visit to the Parliament- house, 
 that Mr. Henry Erskine (brother of Lord 
 Buchan and Lord Ertldne), af.er being pre- 
 sented to Dr. Johnson by iVIr. Boswell, and 
 having made his bow, tlipped a shilling into 
 Boswell's hand, whispering that it was for 
 the sight of his bear. 
 
 LOUIS XVI. — BT CHATEAUBKIAND. 
 
 Louis XVI. was of an advantageous sta- 
 ture; his shoulders were latge, and his beily 
 prominent. His walk was ungainlv, rolling, 
 as it were, from one leg to the other; his 
 vision was short ; his ej'es half shut ; his 
 mouth large ; his voice hollow and vulgar. 
 He was fond of a heiirty liugh : his air an- 
 nounced gaiety, — not the gaiety, perhaps, of 
 a superior mind, but the cordial joy of an 
 honest man, coming from a consciei ce with- 
 out reproach. He was not without know- 
 ledge, especially in geography. For the rest, 
 he had his weaknesses like other men. He 
 loved, for example, to play tricJ^s upon his 
 page.', and to spy, at five o'clock in the morn- 
 ing, from the windows of the palace, the 
 movements of the gentlemen of the Cnurt as 
 they left their apartmenis. If at a hunt one 
 passed between him and the stag, he wis 
 subject to sudden lits of anger, as I have ex- 
 perienced myself. One day, whan it was ex- 
 cessively hot, an old gentleman of the.'tahles, 
 who had followed the chase, being fatigued, 
 got down from his horse, and, stretching 
 himself on his back, fell asleep in the shade. 
 Louis passed by, perceived him, and thought 
 it a good joke to wake him up. He got 
 down, then, from his horse, and, wi'hout 
 wishing to hurt his ancient servant, he let 
 fall rather a heavy stone on his breast, 
 Awakening up, the old gentleman, in the 
 first moment of pain and anger, called out, 
 "Ah! I know 3-ou well in this trick; ymi 
 were so from your infancy ; you are a tj-rant, 
 a cruel man, a ferocious animal ! " and he 
 continued to overwhelm the King with in- 
 sults. His Majesty quickly regssined his 
 horse, and half laughing, half sorry that he 
 had hurt a man whom he loved much, mut- 
 tered as he went away, "Ha! ha! he ifl 
 angiy 1 he is angry ! he hi angry ! "
 
 RAILWAY AliDECDO'lli BOOK. 
 
 99 
 
 WlLBERl^RCE'S BARLT LIFE. 
 
 Mt. Wilberforce entered St. John's Col- 
 lege, Cambridge, Oct., 177(5, at the age of 
 seventeen years; and, l>ecoming master of 
 a handsome fortune, left by his grandfather 
 and uncle, he was at once exi)Of ed to a host of 
 temptations. On the first night of his ar- 
 rival, he was introduced to a licentious set 
 of hard drinkers, whom, however, he shook 
 off after the first year. For the last two 
 years he spent art Cambridge, he was the 
 centre of a higher circle. " There was no 
 one7' says the Kev. T. Gisbome, " at all like 
 him for powers of entertainment. Always 
 fond of repartee and discussion, he seemed 
 entirely free from conceit and vaiJty." He 
 was truly hospitable : " there was always a 
 gr€at Yorkshire pie in his rooms, and all 
 were v.-elcome to partake of it. Sly rooms 
 and his," savs Mr. Gisb'jrne, " were back to 
 back, and often when I was raking out my 
 fire, at ten o'clock, I heard his melodious 
 voice calling aJoud to me to come and sit 
 with him before I went to bed. It was a 
 dangerous thing to do, for his amusing con- 
 versation was fare to keep uie up so late, 
 that I was behiud-hand the next morning." 
 Wilberftrce was a good classic, and acquitted 
 himself well in the college examinations; 
 but mathematics he almost entirely neglected. 
 Whilst some of his companions were reading 
 hard and attending lectures, cara-pnrties 
 and idle amusements consumed his hours. 
 With all his gaieties, he was not, however, 
 profligate, or what the world calls licentious, 
 and cerninly *• belter than young m^n in 
 general ;" but he negk-cted opjjortunities of 
 moral and intellectual profit: he strove in 
 after years to supply these omissions; but, 
 to the end of his life, he deplored a certain 
 want of mental regularity, which he traced 
 to this Ti-'gleet of early discipline. "That 
 there was even at this lime of thoughtless- 
 nes^s, a hidden vein of deeper feeling, was 
 shown by his refusing, when unexpectedly 
 required, to declare his assent to the articles 
 of the Church, though the refu-al cost him, 
 for a time, the convenience of an academical 
 decree. Further in((uiry removed his hesi- 
 tation, but he would not, at a mature age, 
 when his edu -atioii was completed, declare 
 hi-< concurrence in religious dogmas which 
 he ha i not examined." 
 
 Before he quitted college, Mr. Wilberforce 
 had resolved to enter upon public life. He 
 therefore declined biisi.ess; and, in fxpec- 
 tatiiiu of a speedy dissolution, he commenced 
 a canvass f>r the representation of his native 
 town in Parliament. After a successful can- 
 Vfass on the spit, ho repaired to London, 
 •where about 300 Hivll freemen resided in the 
 viciniiy of the Thames; these he entertained 
 at suppers in the public- houses at Wapping, 
 anil, by his addresses to them, first gained 
 confidence in public speaking. During this 
 year, he lodged in the Adelphi, and. con ■ 
 Btantb/ frequented the gallery <jf the House 
 of Commons, where he became intimate with 
 Mr. Pitt, whom he had slightly known at 
 
 Cambridge, iu tne summer he returned to 
 Hull ; but his election prospects were almost 
 bl ghted by the day being fixed before the 
 expiration of hia nonage. The session, 
 however, survived his biithda}', when the 
 townsmen were regaled with an ox roasted 
 whole in one of his fields. The election 
 opporLunelj' followed, and he numbered 
 singly as manj' voles as his two opponents 
 had received together, though his return cost 
 him between £8000 and £'JUOO. This great 
 success coloured his entry into public life; 
 and, upon his return to London, he was at 
 once elected a member of all the leading 
 clubs, and immersed in politics and fashion. 
 Fox, Sheridan, and Fitzpatrick frequented 
 these clubs, aiid the members chatted, played 
 at cards, or gambled, as they pleased. But 
 Mr. Wiiberforce's u.-ual resort was Goose- 
 tree's in Pull-mall, where his ftiendship with 
 Pitt increased. Here ha once lost £100 at 
 the Faro table, and, on another night, kept 
 the bank, by which he won £G00 ; but this 
 weaned him from play. About this tim ', he 
 was one of those who met to spend an even- 
 ing in memory of Shakspeare, at the Boar's 
 Head Tavern, Eastcheap. 
 
 UNRBASONABLE HOESE. 
 
 A countryman rftturnin.; home by moon- 
 light, alter having taken his full share of ale, 
 lus horse, stopping at a pond, proceeded to 
 take his full share of water, and in so doing 
 pitched his rider over his head. The pond 
 not being deep, the man soon recovered him- 
 self, and catching bold of the bridle of his 
 nag, exclaimed, " Doui thee ! can't thee 
 drii.k without a sop .' " 
 
 ORIGIN OK PAKSOX ADAJIS. 
 
 It is stated by one of Fielding s biographers, 
 that the Rev. Mr. Young, a lejrned an:l 
 much -esteemed friend of the novelist, was 
 the original ot' the excellent axiA amusing 
 parson. 
 
 It is adderl that the likeness was verj' 
 remarkable : Mr. Young had as close an 
 intimac)' with the Greek authors, and as 
 passionate a veneration for .ischylus, as 
 Adams himself; the overflowings of his be- 
 nevolence Wire sti-ong; his fits of reverie 
 were as Irequent, and occurred, too, upon tlie 
 most interest ijig occasions. 
 
 When be was chaplain, for instance, of a 
 regiment serving in Flanders, he thought 
 proper, one line summer's evening, to indulge 
 himself in a walk ; during which, struck with 
 the charms of the landscape, and, perhaps, 
 wiih some a])pro|>riate passage in his beloved 
 .(i^schylus, be exteuded his studies till he 
 arri\'ed ver}- ([uickly within the enemy's 
 Imes, and was only brought to a stand by the 
 repeated challenge of " Qui va la? " 
 
 The otUcer in command, on hearing the 
 merits of the case, and finding the unpreme- 
 ditated nature of the visit, with the unaf- 
 fected simplicity of his prisoner, gave him 
 leave to pursue hia classicai researches in a 
 walk home again. .
 
 100 
 
 ilAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 PATRICK HENKY, TttE AMBKICAN OR.VTOE. 
 
 Henry's information was very limited, and 
 he was mucLi disinclined to study. '' Take 
 my word for it," was his remark to a friend 
 in advanced life, "we are too old to read 
 books ; read men — they are the only volumes 
 we can read to advantage." What he did 
 read was always ready for use. Mr. Lee 
 (the Cicero of the Virginian Assembly) was 
 descanting tediously till a late hour, on the 
 beauties of " Don Quixote." Henry assented, 
 but added, "You have oi^erlooked, in your 
 eulogy, one of the tinest things in the book, 
 the divine exclamation of Sancho, ' Bless- 
 ings on the man who first invented sleep ; 
 it covers one all over like a cloak.' '" Henry's 
 maiden speech is thus well described : — 
 
 '■And now came the first trial of Patrick 
 Henry's strength. No one had ever heard 
 him speak, and curiosity was on tiptoe. He 
 rose very awkwardly, and faltered much in 
 his exordium. The people hung their heads 
 at so unpromising a commencement ; the 
 clerg}' were observed to exchange sly looks 
 at each other, and his father is described as 
 having almost sunk with confusion from his 
 seat. But tliese feelings were of :;hort dura- 
 tion, and soon gave place to others of a very 
 different character. For now were those 
 wonderful faculties which he possessed for 
 the first time developed ; and now was first 
 witnessed that mysterious and almost super- 
 natural transformation of appearance which 
 the fire of his own eloquence never failed to 
 work in him. For, as his mind rolled along, 
 and began to glow from its own action, all 
 the exuvia of the clown seemed to shed them- 
 selves spontaneously. His attitude, by de- 
 grees, became erect and lofty. The spirit of 
 his genius awakened all his features. . . . 
 They say that the people, whose counte- 
 nances had fallen as he arose, had heard but 
 a few sentences, before they began to look 
 up ; then to look at each other with surprise, 
 as if doubting the evidence of their own ' 
 senses : then, attracted by some strong ges- 
 ture, struck by some majestic attitude, fas- ' 
 cinated by the spell of his eye, the charms of 
 his emphasis, and the varied and command- 
 ing expression of his countenance, they could 
 look away no more. In less than twenty j 
 minutes, they might be seen in every part of J 
 the house, on every bench, in every window, 
 stepping forward from their stands in death- 
 like silence; their features fixed in amaze- 
 ment and awe ; all their senses listening and 
 rivetted upon the speaker, as if to catch the 
 last strain of some heavenly visitant." | 
 
 Henry's reputation was now established. 
 After this, however, instead of refining his 
 manner or improving his dress, he took a 
 deUght in their plainness, and would often 
 come into court attirtd in a coarse hunting- 
 jacket, greasy leather breaches, and with a 
 pair of taddle-bags under hi? arm. He had | 
 also contracted or affected t.j vulgar style 
 of pronuiiciaticn, as: — '• yaileral parts is 
 better than all tlie kirnhij upon ycarth" — 
 iliOiUfh his iriends denv ih > ia. 
 
 , A YELLOW COAX. 
 
 ' " There was a man about 40 years old, Dick 
 Harness by name. He had received a wound 
 in the hip, from a grape shot ; and his leg 
 I having, in consequence, contracted, it occa- 
 sioned him to limp verv much ; but he was 
 as strong and hearty, in all other respects, 
 as a man could be. He was a very merry 
 fellow, full of jokes; and if any one told a 
 I story which was at all verging on the mar- 
 vellous, he was sure to tell another which 
 would be still more incredible. He played 
 the fiddle, and sang to his own accompani- 
 ments, which were very droll, as he extiacted 
 strange noises from his instrument. Some- 
 times his bow would be on the wrong side 
 i of the bridge, sometimes down at the keys ; 
 besides which, he produced sounds by thump- 
 ing the fiddle, as well as by touchmg its 
 strings, as a guitar : indeed, he could imitate, 
 in a certain way, almost every instrument, 
 and most of the noises made by animals. 
 He had one fault — for which he used to be 
 occasionally punished — which was, he was 
 too fond of the bottle ; but he was a great 
 favourite, and therefore screened by the men, 
 and overlooked bj- the ofiicers as much as 
 possible. The punishment for a pensioner 
 getting drunk was, at that time, being made 
 to Avear a yellow, instead of a blue coat, 
 which made a man look very conspicuous. 
 One day Harness had the yellow coat 
 on, when a party of ladies and gentlemen 
 came to see the Hospital. Perceiving that 
 he was dressed so dittierently from the other 
 pensioners, one of the ladies' curiosity was 
 excited ; and at last she called him to her, 
 and said : — 
 
 " ' Pray, my good man, why do you wear 
 a jellow coat, when the other pen:>ioners 
 have blue ones? ' 
 
 "'Bless your handsome face, ma'am!' »e- 
 plied Dick, 'doir't you really know?' 
 " ' No, indeed ! ' replied she. 
 "'Well, then, ma'am, perhaps you may 
 have heard of the glorious battle of the Nile, 
 in which Nelson gave the French such a 
 drubbing? ' 
 
 "'Oh, yes!' cried all the ladies aud 
 gentlemen, who had now crowded about 
 him. 
 
 " ' Well, ladies and gentlemen, I had the 
 good fortune to be in that great victoiy; 
 and all we Nikrs, as we are called, are per- 
 mitted to wear a yellow coat, as a mark of 
 distinction, while the common pensioners 
 wear nothing but blue.' 
 
 "Dear me!' said the lady; 'and do I 
 really speak to one of those brave fellows who 
 fought at the battle of the Nile?' and she 
 put her hand into her pocket, and pulled out 
 live .shillings. 'There,' said she, '1 hope 
 you'll not be affronted, but accept this from 
 me.' 
 
 "'Not at all, ma'am,' replied Dick, pock- 
 eting the money. «ik 
 
 " Then the whole party made a subscrip- 
 tion for him, aud Dick went off with a hand- 
 ful of silver."— Cop^ Man-yut's "Poor Jack."
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 101 
 
 SPIRITED REPLY. 
 
 "Doctor," said a hard- looking, brandy- 
 faced customer, the other day, to a physician 
 — '• Doctor, I'm troubled with an oppression, 
 an uneasiness about the breast. \Vhat do 
 you suppose the matter is?" "All very 
 easily accounted for," said the physician ; 
 " you have water on the chest." " Water I 
 Come, that'll do well enough for a joke; but 
 how could I get water on my chest, when I 
 havn't touched a drop in fifteen years! If 
 you had said brandy, you might have hit it." 
 
 THE AJIERICAN NATION. 
 
 Fisher Ames reminds his countr3-men, that, 
 though America is rising with a giant's 
 strength, its bones are yet but cartilages." 
 Burke, in his speech on American affairs, 
 delivered in 1772, calls the Americans "a 
 nation in the gristle;" and Talleyrand, on 
 his return from the United States, described 
 them as " nn geant sans os ni nerfs." 
 
 A FAIR COMPLIMENT. 
 
 Francis de Harley, Archbishop of Paris 
 under Louis XIV., was remarkably hand- 
 some, and affable in his manner. When he 
 was appointed to h's diocese, with several 
 Duchesses who waited upon him in a body, 
 to congratulate him, was the Duchess of 
 Mecklenburgh, who addressed him in the 
 following words : — '• Though the weakest, we 
 are the most zealous portion of your flock." 
 The Archbishop answered, " 1 regard you as 
 the fairest portion of it." The Duchess de 
 Bouillon, who understood Latin, and was 
 well read in Virgil, then repeated this line 
 from that poet : — 
 
 " Formosa pecoris, custos formosior ipse." 
 (Fair is the flock, the keeper fairer still.) 
 
 THERE AND BACK AGAIN. 
 
 In 1477, the famous patrician, Martin Kot- 
 zel, undertook a pilgrimage to Palestine, for 
 the express purpose of counting the number 
 of footsteps between the house of Pontius 
 Pilate and Mount Golgotha. The idea was 
 singular, no doubt, but turned to the alvan- 
 tage of the arts. It was Kotzel's intention, 
 on his return, to measure an equal distance 
 from his own house to the cemetery of St. 
 John ; then, on the road so measured out, to 
 erect seven statues, by the celebrated Adam 
 Krafc, and, at the extremity, a Calvary, 
 crowned with three statues, of Christ and 
 his two executioners. But when he got back 
 to Nuremberg, he found he had forgotten the 
 number of paces. Another man would have 
 given way in despair; but Martin Kotzel, 
 ■without hesitation, resumed his staff, and 
 recommenced his journej' to the Holy Land. 
 On his next return, his memory had retained 
 the number; and he immediately set about 
 the execution of his brilliant project, which 
 still exists, and, with the exception of one 
 or two statues requiring a few repairs, the 
 whole is perfect aa on leaving the sculptor's 
 band. 
 
 MEI.ODUA.MATIC HIT. 
 
 Burke's was a complete failure, where he 
 flung the dagger on the floor of the House 
 of Commons, and produced nothing but a 
 smothered laugh, and a joke from Sheridan : 
 — "The gentleman has brought us the knife, 
 but where is the fork ? " 
 
 CASH PAYMENTS. 
 
 Peterson, the comedian, lent a brother 
 actor two shillings, and, when he made a 
 demand for the sum, the debtor, turning 
 peevishly from him, said, " Hang it, I'll paj' 
 you to-day in some shape or other." Peter- 
 son good-humouredly replied, " I shall be 
 much obliged to you, Tom, to let it be as 
 like two shillings as you can." 
 
 A PROUD HEART. 
 
 Mathews, whose powers in conversation, 
 and whose flow of anecdote in private life, 
 transcended even his public efi"orts, told a 
 variety of tales of the Kingswood colliers 
 (Kingswocd is near Bristol), in one of which 
 he represented an old collier looking for some 
 of the implements of his trade, exclaiming, 
 " Jan, what's the mother done with the new 
 coal-sacks.'" "Made pillows on 'em," re- 
 plied the son. " Confound her proud heart,'' 
 rejoins the collier, " why could she not take 
 th' ould ones ? " 
 
 MOUNTEBANK OF THE I^VST CENTURY. 
 
 The following curious account is extracted 
 from "A Journev through P^nglaiid in 
 1723:"— 
 
 " I cannot leave Winchester without tell- 
 ing you of a pleasant incident that happened 
 there. As I was sitting at the George Inn, 
 I saw a coach with six bay horses, a calash 
 and four, and a chaise and four enter the inn, 
 in a yellow livery turned up with red; four 
 gentlemen on horseback, in blue triiunied 
 with silver ; and as yellow is the colour given 
 by the dukes in England, I went out to see 
 what duke it was : but there was no coronet 
 on the coach, only a plain C(;at-of-arms on 
 each, with this motto, 
 
 ' Argento laborat Faber.' 
 
 Upon inquiry, I found this great equipage 
 belonged to a mountebank ; and that his 
 name being Smith, the motto was a pun 
 upon his name. The footmen in yellow were 
 his tumblers and trumpeters, and those in 
 blue his merry-andrew, his apothecary, ant. 
 spokesman. He was dressed in lilack velvet, 
 and had in his coach a woman that danced 
 on the ropes. He cures all diseases, and 
 sells his packets for sixpence apiece. lie 
 erected stages in all the market-towns twenty 
 miles round; and it is a prodigy how so 
 wise a people as the English are gulled by 
 such pickpockets. But his amusements on 
 the stage are worth the sixpence, without 
 the pills. In the morning he is dressed 
 up in a fine brocade night-gown, for Ids 
 chamber practice, where he gives advice, and 
 gets large fees."
 
 102 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK 
 
 FOOTIANA. 
 
 When Foote first opened the theatre in 
 the Haymarket, amongst other projects, he 
 proposed to enterlajn the public with an 
 imitation of cat music ; for this purpose he 
 engaged a man famous for his ^kill in 
 mimicking the mewing of cats. This person 
 was called "Cat Harris." lie not attending 
 the reheaisal of this odd concert, Fo(;tc de- 
 sired Shuter would endeavour to find him 
 out, and bring him -with him. Shuter was 
 directed to some court in the Minories, 
 where this extraordinary musician lived, but 
 not knowing the house, Shuter began a eat 
 solo; upon this, the other looked out of the 
 window, and answered him wiih a cantata of 
 the same sort. " Come along," said Shuter, 
 "I want no better information that you are 
 the man. Mr. Foote sta3-s for us — we can- 
 not begin the cat opera without you." 
 
 One night as Blacklin was preparing to 
 begin his lectuie, and hearing a buzz m the 
 room, he spied Foote in a corner, talking and 
 laughing most immoderately. This he 
 thought a wrong time to rebuke him, as he 
 had not begun his lecture, and consequently 
 could not be subject to any criticism : he, 
 therefore, cried out, with some authority, 
 " Well, sir, you seem to be very merry 
 there ; but do you krow what I am going to 
 saj' now ? " '• No, sir," said Foote, " pray do 
 you?" 
 
 Foote walking up and down the rooms at 
 Bath, a gentleman with him asked a third a 
 lady's name just then passing by them; to 
 which he replied, " Brown, sir." " Ay," said 
 Foote, staring at the lady, " a lovely Brown 
 indeed." 
 
 Foote was once asked, why leamed men 
 are to be found in rich men's houses, and 
 rich men never to be seen in those of the 
 leamed. " Why," said he, " the first know 
 what they want, but the latter do not." 
 
 Foote having satirised the Scotch pretty 
 severely, a gentleman asked, " Why he hated 
 that nation so much." " You are mistaken," 
 said Foote, " I don't hate the Scotch, neither 
 do I hate frogs, but I would have everything 
 keep to its native element." 
 
 Foote praising the hospitality of the Irish, 
 after one of his tnps to the sister kingdom, a 
 gentkman as-ked him whether he had ever 
 been at Cork. " No, sir." replied Foote ; 
 " but I have seen many drawings of it." 
 
 Foote took a house at Hammersmith that 
 was advertised to be completel}' furni-hed ; 
 but be had not been there long, before the 
 cook complained there was not a rolling-pin. 
 "No!" said he, ''then bring me a saw, I 
 will .soon make one;" which tie accordingly 
 did of one of the mahogany bed- posts. The 
 next day it was discovered that a coal-scuttle 
 was wanted, when he supplied this de- 
 ficiency with a drawer from a curious japan 
 chest. A carpet being wanted in the par- 
 lour, he ordered a new white cotton counter- 
 pane to be laid, to save the boards. His 
 landlord paying him a visit, to enquire how 
 he liked his new residence, was greatly as- 
 
 tonished to find such disordM-, as he con- 
 sidered it : he remonstrated with Foote, and 
 complained of the injury his furniture had 
 sustained ; but Foote in.sisted upon it, all the 
 complaint was on his side, considering the 
 trouble he had been at to supplj' these neces- 
 saries, nothwithstanding he had advertised 
 his house completely furnished. The land- 
 lord now threatened the law, and Foote 
 threatened to take him off, saying an 
 auctioneer was a fruitful character. This' 
 last consideration weighed with the landlord, 
 and he quietly put up witli his loss. 
 
 When Foote heard of Sir Francis Blake 
 Delaval's death, the shock of losing so inti- 
 mate a friend had .-uch an effect on his 
 spirits that he burst iito tears, retired to his 
 roorii, and saw no company for two daj's; 
 the third day. Jewel, his ti-easurer, calling in 
 upon him, he askt-d him, with swollen eyes, 
 what time would the buritl be? "Not'till 
 next week, sir," replied the other, "as I 
 hear the surgeons are first to dissect his 
 head." This last word recovered the wit's 
 fancy, and, repeating it with some surprise, 
 he asked, "And what will they get there? 
 I am sure," said he, "I have known poor 
 Frank these five-and-twent}' years, and I 
 never could find anything in it." 
 
 EEBUKE. 
 
 " Your hand annoys me exceedingly;" said 
 the Prince of La Roche to a talkative person 
 who was constantly suiting tiie action to the 
 word, as he sat next him at dinner. " In- 
 deed, my Lord," replied the babbler, " we 
 are so crowded at table that I do not know 
 where to put my hand." "Place it upon 
 your mouth," said the Prince. 
 
 TIDE TO FORTUNE. 
 
 Willan, the great horse- con tractor, and 
 late occupier of the Bull and Mouth Inn, in 
 the year 1745 was ostUr at the Lion Inn, 
 at Barnet. The then Duke of Cumberland, 
 when on his route to the North, happened 
 to have a horse for his own riding brought 
 to him to look at, at the inn. His Koyal 
 Highness had doubts of the horse answering 
 his purpose, and, with bis usual good-humour, 
 asked everybody's opinion, among others 
 Jack's; and John immediately pronounced 
 him unfit. He was then requested by his 
 Eiiyal Highness to assign his reasons, which 
 John stated. Upon this, the Duke asked 
 him whether he knew of a horse that he 
 Could reconunend, when John replied in the 
 aflirmative, and brought a horte into the 
 inn-yard, which, upon trial, gave the Duke 
 much satisfaction. On the Duke's return 
 from Scotland, he still found John an ostler 
 and commending his skill io hor.seflesh, asked 
 him if he was disposed to take a contract 
 for furnishing a few artillery horses. John 
 bowed, and said he wanted the one thing 
 needful. This want his Royal Highness sup- 
 plied; and, from this circumoiance, Willan, 
 when be died, had accumulated two hundred 
 thousand pounds.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 103 
 
 PRnicte LOUIS napoleon's descent upon 
 
 Srp.ASBOUKO. 
 
 It was in the autumn of 1836, during a 
 visit to the bnhs of Biden, that tb« half 
 Swiss adventurer, then in his twenty- ninth 
 year, planned the fir-st of those two mad en- 
 terprises that, till the other day, were his 
 sole title to ht>toric notice. France, he con- 
 ceived, was at that time ripe foT a new revo- 
 lution. Knowing, aa Louis Blanc says, that 
 in timps of uncertainty revoluuons accom- 
 plish themselves according? to the programme 
 that is laid down for them, and adopt what- 
 ever flag is offered, Louis Napoleon did not 
 doubt that a successful rising effected in his 
 favour in ^ome frontier town and the neigh- 
 bouring district, would be the .signal for a 
 general explosion, which would result in the 
 expulsion of the Orleans dynast}', and the 
 restoration of the BonapM-tes. It was accord- 
 ingly resolved to make an attempt on the 
 frontier town of Strasbourg, th« situation of 
 which made it more convenient ftir the pur- 
 pose than any other. On the 30th October, 
 1836, at five o'clock, on a cold snowy morn- 
 ing, the men of one of three artillery regi- 
 ments, which, with three legiments of infan- 
 try and one of engineers, constituted the 
 garrison of the town, found themselves drawn 
 up in the barrack-yard, having been sum- 
 moned from their bods by the trumpet-call . 
 They stood wondering what v, as to take 
 place, when seven or eight persons, in the 
 costumo of French officers, entered the yard, 
 carrying a standard, surmounted by an 
 eagle. One of them came up hastily to the 
 colonel of the regiment, who forthwith pre- 
 sented him to the men as the nepliew of the 
 Emperor, come, as he said, to pi .ce himself 
 at their head, and effect a gre.it revolu- 
 tion in France. The trick was successful ; 
 the speech of their colonel, the eagle, the 
 words and looks of Louis Napoleon, and es- 
 pecially his cocked ha', hurried them away; 
 the old Imperial shiver ran through their 
 veins; and a shout of '' ITi-c r/f/npereMr.'" 
 rang through the court-yird. Hastily the 
 regiment was set on march through the 
 town, with the band playing: windows were 
 opened, and heads popped out all along the 
 streets to see what was the mitter; and the 
 citizens unbarred their doors, and tumbling 
 out in twos and threes, followed the column. 
 At head- quarters, the general in comniiind 
 of the town was arrested by the insurgents. 
 So far had all gone well ; but the tide was 
 soon turned. One of the infantry regiments, 
 occupying a barrack apart, acted more coolly 
 thai! their brothers the aTtillerj'men — wa- 
 vered a little at first when Louis Napoleon 
 addressed them, but ultimately stood firm, 
 and prepared to give battle. Seeing the 
 cause lost, the Prince aii'l his companions 
 surr.'udercd, and the town was restored to 
 qaiet. The government, on hearing of the 
 affair, lost no time in disposing of the of- 
 fendeis. Louis Napoleon was conveyed as a 
 prisoner to Paris, but, in two hours 'after hl^ 
 arrival, was sent off under guard to the coast, 
 
 to be shipped for America. The persons 
 that had been arrested with him, including 
 the insurgent colonel, were rcs'-rved for trial, 
 bat were ultimately acquitted by aa ALsace 
 jury. 
 
 SANO FROID. 
 
 At the theatre at Kennes one evening, 
 when an immen-^e crowd had assembled to 
 se-:; Potier, a female fell from the gallery into 
 the pit, in her haste to obtain a front seat. 
 Numbers, of course, hastened to her assist- 
 ance, and on anxiously inquiring as to her 
 state, were surprised to get (bra iswer — ''■Ah, 
 mon Dieu! mot qui avais une si bonne place." 
 
 PKOFITABLE JUGGLIXO. 
 
 Some time agi>, a professor ot legerdemain 
 entertained an audience in a village, which 
 was principally composed of colliers. After 
 "astonishing the natives" with various tricks 
 — metaniotphosing wine into water. Sue. — he 
 a-ked the loan of a halfpenny from any o( 
 his admirers. A collier, with a little hesita- 
 tion, limded out the coin, which the juggler 
 speedily exhioited, as he said, transformed 
 into a guinea. " An' is th-it my bawbee?" 
 excl limed the collier. "Undoubtedly," an- 
 swered the juggler. " Let 's see "t" said the 
 collier; and turning it round and round in 
 examination, with an ecstacy of delight, 
 thanked the juggler for bis kindness, and, 
 puting it into his pocket, sarid, " Psc warn't 
 }e'll no turn't into a bawbee again." 
 
 I-OI«D F-LDON AND THE PRINCE KKOENT. 
 
 Lord (Chancellor Eldon lived in No. G, Bed- 
 ford-squai-e, from 1804 to 1815, and here oc- 
 curred the memorable interview between his 
 Lordship and the Prince Recent, afterwards 
 George IV. The Prince came alone to the 
 Chancellor's house, and, upon tlie servant 
 opening the door, observed, that, as his Lord- 
 ship h-4d the gout, he knew he must be at 
 home, and therefore desiied that he mij^htbe 
 shown up to the room where the CliJiicellor 
 was. Tlie servant said \\« was t'»o ill to be 
 seen, and that he had also positive orders to 
 show in no one. The Prince then asked to 
 be shown the staircase, which he immediately 
 ascended, and pointed first to one door, thea 
 to another, asking. "Is that your masters 
 rooml" The servant answered ''No,'' until 
 became to the right o e; up(m which he 
 opened the door, seated himself by the Chan- 
 cellor's bedside, and asKed him to appoint his 
 friend Jekyll, the great wit, to the vacant 
 office oi Master in Chancery. The Chan- 
 cellor refused — there could be no more unfit 
 appointment. The Prince, perceiving the 
 humour of the Cl'ance'lor, and that he was 
 firm iu his deternunation nut to appoint him, 
 threw himself back in the chair, and ex- 
 claimed, "How 1 do pity Lady Eldon !" 
 " Good Heaven ! " said the Chancellor, "what 
 is the matter?" "Oh. nothing," answorcd 
 the Prince, " except that .>-he will never .see 
 you again, for hero I reinaiu until you promise 
 to make Jekyll a Master in Chaacery." Je- 
 kyll, of course) obteiued the appointmeaL
 
 104 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 ADDISON AND SJONTAIGNE. 
 
 When Addis m lodged in Kensington- 
 equare, he read over some of Montaigne's 
 " Essay?,"' and finding little or no informa- 
 tion in the chapters of what their titles pro- 
 mised, he closed the book more confused than 
 satisfied. " What think you of this famous 
 French author ? " said a gentleman present. 
 "Think?" said he, smiling: "why that a 
 pair of manacles, or a stone doublet, would 
 probably have been of Pome service to that 
 author's infirmity." "Would you imprison 
 a man for singularity in writing? " "Why, 
 let me tell you," replied Addison, "if he had 
 been a horse he would have been pounded 
 for straying, and why lie ought to be more 
 favoured because he is a man, I cannot un- 
 derstand." 
 
 READY ANSWER. 
 
 During the Irish rebi-llion, a handsome 
 young woman, the servant of a Mrs. Lett, in 
 Wexford, who was consdered as a great pa- 
 triot (rebel), was sitting one summer's even- 
 ing at her misress' window, singing words 
 to certain airs, which were not regarded as 
 orthodox by the opposite party. The Mar- 
 quis of Ely, with the Higti Sheriflfand other 
 t^entlemenof ihe county, were returning, after 
 ■iheir wine, from the Grand Jury, and heard 
 the young siren warbling at the window. 
 But as the strain sounded in their ears of 
 a rebellious tendency, it was thought ad- 
 visable to demolish the fragile parts of Mrs. 
 Lett's house-front, without delay; and, 
 accordingly, my Lord, the High Sherifl', 
 and their friends, to preserve the Constitu- 
 tion from r11 traitorous maid-servants, forth- 
 with commenced procedir.gs: and stones 
 being the weapons nearest at hand, the 
 wind )ws and the warbling maid received 
 a broadside, which was of gieat utility to 
 the glazier, and had well nigh put fees into 
 the pockets, not only of the surgeon, but 
 of the sexton and coroner. However, on this 
 occasion, JHstice was not so far off as the 
 parties had been persuaded; my Lord, the 
 High Sherif}', and others, being indicted and 
 tried. His Lordship's counsel did their best 
 for their noble client, and tried to mystify 
 the singer ; but the Marquis, conceiving their 
 delicacy too great in reference to this wit- 
 ness, requested permission to ask her a few 
 questions himself, which was granted. 
 "Now girl," said the Marquis, " by the oath 
 3'oa have tal\en, did you not say you would 
 split my skull open ?" 
 
 "Why, then, by the virtue of my oath," 
 said the girl, turning to the judge, " it would 
 not be tvorth my while to split his skull open, 
 my Lord." 
 
 " Ha, ha ! " said the Marquis, " now I have 
 her" (supposing that she made some allusion 
 to a reward for killing him). "And why, 
 girl, would it not be worth your while?" 
 
 "Because, my Lord," answered she, "if I 
 had split his skull open, bv virtue of my oath, 
 I am sure and certain I should have found 
 nothing inside of iV The laugh against the 
 noble Marquis was now too great to admit 
 
 j of his proceeding with the cross-exaiaina- 
 ' tion. He was found guilty, and fined. 
 
 I DEATH OF wrLBERFORCE. 
 
 On April 20, 1833, Wilberforce left East 
 Farleigh ; and after a short visit to the Isle 
 j of Wight, on May 17, arrived at Bath, to the 
 i waters of which place he, in great measure, 
 ' owed the prolongation of his life to his 
 seventy-fourth year. But here his strength 
 visibly declined ; and all his tlioughts and 
 conversation began to savour of tue bettet 
 world to which he was drawing near. On 
 July 6 he was taken ill, suddenly, while 
 sitting at dinner ; he partially recovered, and 
 after he had spent two months at Bath, on 
 July 17 left for London, and on the 19th 
 arrived in Cadogan-place, Sloane-street. 
 The Bill for the Abolition of Slavery was 
 read for the second time in the House of Com- 
 mons on the night of Friday, the -iCth, and 
 the last public information that he received 
 was, that his country was willing to redeem 
 itself from the national disgrace at anj' sacri- 
 fice. " Thank God," said he, " that I should 
 live to witness a day in which England is 
 willing to give 20 millions sterling for the 
 abolition of slavery." During an interval 
 on Sunday evening, " I am in a very dis- 
 tressed state," he said, alluding apparently 
 to his bodily condition. " Yes," it was 
 answered, " but you have your feet on the 
 Kock." "I do not venture," he replied, " to 
 speak so positively'; but I hope I have." 
 After this expression of his humble trust, 
 with but one groan he entered into that 
 world where pain and doubt are for ever at 
 an end. He died at three o'clock in the 
 morning of Monda}', July 29tb, aged seventy- 
 three years and eleven months. He was 
 buried in Westminster Abbey, on Saturday, 
 August o, the procession being joined by the 
 leading members of the two Houses of Par- 
 liament. Public business was suspended; 
 the Speaker of the House of Commons, the 
 Lord Chancellor, one Prince of the blood, 
 with others of the highest rank, took their 
 place as pall-bearers beside the bier. It was 
 followed by his sons, his relations, and imme- 
 diate friends. The Prebendary then in re- 
 sidence, one of his few surriving college 
 friends, met it at the Minster Gate with the 
 Church funeral office ; and whilst the vaulted 
 roof gave back the anthem, his body was 
 laid in the north transept, close to the tombs 
 of Pitt, Fox, and Canning. 
 
 A subscription was immediately opened 
 among Mr. Wilberforce's friends in London; 
 and his statue has been placed in Westminster 
 Abbey. At York, a county asylum for the 
 blind has been founded in honour of him ; 
 while his townsmen of Hull have raised a 
 column to his memory. Great part of our 
 coloured population in the West Indies went 
 into mourning at the news of his death ; 
 and the same honour was paid him by thi« 
 class of persons at New York, where also an 
 eulogium was pronounced upon him by a 
 person publicly belected for the task.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 105 
 
 JOHN ADAMS. 
 
 Pnor to his appearance in Congress, Adams 
 had obtained great celebrity at the bar. He 
 defended Captain Preston, prosecuted for 
 firing on the people, in 1770. Indeed, the 
 ablest advocate on the fioor was John 
 Adam=, " who poured forth his passionate 
 appeals in language which moved his hearers 
 froTi their se its." He was, as Jefferson called 
 him, "The Colossus of the Congress,* and 
 his speech in support of the Declaration is 
 above all praise. This is the way he would 
 commence, with his accustomed directness 
 and earnestness: "Sink or swim, live or 
 die, survive or perish, I give my hand 
 and my heart to this vote. It is true, 
 indeed, that in the beginning we aimed 
 not at independence ; ' but there is a Di- 
 vinity which shapes our ends.' Independ- 
 ence is now within our grasp. W'e have 
 but to reach forth to it, and it is ours. 
 Why then should we defer the Declaration ? 
 For myself, having, twelve months ago, in 
 this place, moved you, that George Washing- 
 ton be appointed Commander of the Forces, 
 raised or to be raisci, for defence of American 
 liberty, may my right hand fojget her cun- 
 ning, and mj' tongue cleave to the roof of 
 my mouth, if I hesitate or waver in the sup- 
 port ] give him ! The war, theri, must go 
 on. We must tight it through. And if the 
 war must go on, why put off longer the 
 Declaration of Independence? 
 Sir, I know the uncertainty of human affairs ; 
 but I see, I see clearly, through this day's 
 business. You and I, indeed, may rue it. 
 We ma}- not live to the time when this De- 
 claration shall be made good. We may die! 
 die colonists ! die slaves ! die, it may be, 
 ignominiously, and on the scaffold ! Be it so 
 — be it so. If it be the pleasure of Heaven 
 that my country should require the poor 
 ofTering of my lite, the victim shall be ready 
 at the appointed hour of sacrifice, come when 
 that hour may. But while I do live, let me 
 have a country, or at least the hope of a 
 countr)', and that a free country. . . But, 
 whatever ma_v be our fate, be assured, be 
 assured that this Declaration will stand. It 
 may cost treasure, it may cost blood ; but it 
 will stand, and it will richly compensate for 
 both. Through the thick gloom of the present 
 I see the brightness of the future, as thfi sun 
 in heaven. We shall make this a glorious, 
 an immortal day. When we are in our 
 graves, our children will honour it. They 
 will celebrate it with thanksgiving, with fes- 
 tivity, with bonfires, and illuminations. On 
 its annual return they will shed tears — 
 copious, gushing te;irs — not of subjection and 
 slaverj- — not of agnny and distress, but of 
 exultation, of gratitude, and of joy. Sir, 
 before heaven, I believe the hour is come. 
 My judgment approves this measure, and 
 my whole heart is in it. All that I have, 
 and all that I am, and all that 1 hope in this 
 hfe, I am now ready htre to stake upon it; 
 and I leave off as 1 began — that, live or die, 
 survive or perish, I am for the Declaration. 
 
 It is my living sentiment ; and, by the bless- 
 ing of heaven, it shall be my dying senti- 
 ment ; independence now, and IxDKrHSD- 
 enck fob evsb !" 
 
 garth's patients. 
 Dr. Garth, who was one of the Kit-Kat 
 Club, coming there one night, declared he 
 must soon be gone, having many patients to 
 attend ; but, some porKi wine being produced, 
 he forgot them. When Sir Richard Steele 
 reminded him of his appointments. Garth 
 immediately pulled out his list, which 
 amounted "to fifteen, and said, " It's no 
 great matter whether I see them to-night or 
 not, for nine of them have such bad consti- 
 tutions, that all the physicians in the world* 
 can't save them, and the other six have such 
 good constitutions, that all the physicians 
 in theworld can't kill them." \ 
 
 INTENSE EFFEtTT. 
 
 Pacchierotti, on one occasion, when play- 
 ing at Rome the character of Arbaces, pro- 
 nounced the three words " Eppui sono inno- 
 cente" in so touching a manner, that the 
 very orchestra stopped; a short symphony, 
 which should have immediately succeeded 
 his declaration of innocence, was neglected; 
 and, on his demandii g, somewhat angrily, of 
 the leader what he and his subordinates were 
 about, the flattering answer was, " Sir, we are 
 weeping." 
 
 LOST AND FOtJND 
 
 Some gentlemen of a Bible Association 
 calling upon an old woman to see if she had 
 a bible, were severely reproved with the 
 spiritual reply, "Do you think, gentlemen, 
 that I am a heathen, that you s-hould aak me 
 such a question ?" Then, addressin'; a little 
 girl, she suid, " Run and fetch the bible out 
 of my drawer, that I may show it to the gen- 
 tleinen." The gentlenien declined giving 
 her the trouble, but she insisted on givuag 
 them ocular demonstration. Accordingly, 
 the bible was brought, nicely covered ; and, 
 on opening it, the old woman exclaimed, 
 " Well, how glad I am you have come • here 
 are my spectacles, that I have been looking 
 for these three years, and didn't know where 
 to find 'em." 
 
 Chatham's command of the house. 
 
 An extraordinary instance of Loitl Chat- 
 ham's command of the House is the manner 
 in which he fixed indelibly on Mr. Grenville 
 the appellation of "the Gentle Shepherd." 
 At the time in question a song of Dr How- 
 ard's, which began with the words, 
 
 " Gentle shepherd, teil me where,'' 
 each stanza endmg with that line, was in 
 every mouth. In the course of the debate 
 Mr. Grenville exclaimed, "Where is our 
 money? where arc our means? I say again. 
 Where are our means? where is our money?" 
 He then sat down, and Lord Chatham passed 
 slowly out of the house, humming the line — 
 " Gentle shepherd, tell me where."
 
 106 
 
 EAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 TALENT NOT HEREDITARY. 
 
 The Earl of Cork being under the cor- 
 rection of his schoolmaster, received the fol- 
 lowing reproachful accompaniment with the 
 rod : — " One of your ancestors invented an 
 orrery,* and anotherof them gave to the world 
 a translation of Plin}'; but yon, I fear, will 
 never invent anything but mischief, nor 
 translate anything but an idle boy in<-o a 
 foolish man : so that, instead of myrtle, you 
 shaJl be honoured with birch." 
 
 A KEASON. 
 
 Some one asking Mr. Curran why a 
 cnnntryman of his walked about London with 
 his tongue out of his mouth, he said that 
 he " supposed he did so in hopes to catch the 
 English accent" 
 
 ORTGIN OF THE " BEGGAR's OPERA." 
 
 At Schomberg House, Pall-mall, was first 
 concocted the dramatic scheme of the "Beg- 
 gar's Opera." It was originally proposed to 
 Swift to be named the " Xewgate Opera," 
 as the first thought of writing such a gross 
 and immoral drama originated with him. 
 Swift, also, who was an ardent admirer of 
 the poetic talents of Gay, delighted to quote 
 his Devonshire pastorals, they being very 
 characteristic of low, rustic life, and congenial 
 to his taste; for the pen of the Dean revelled 
 in vulgarity. Under the influence of such 
 notions, he proposed to Gay to bestow his 
 thoughts upon the subject, which he felt 
 assured would turn to good account, nameh-, 
 that of writing a work, to be entitled "A 
 Newerate Pastoral;" adding, "and I will, 
 sub rosd, afford you my best assistance." This 
 scheme was talked over at Queensberry 
 Hou«e, and Gay commenced it, but it was 
 soon dropped, with something of disgust. It 
 was ultimately determined that he should 
 commence upon the " Beggar's Opera." This 
 scheme was approved, and written forthwith, 
 under the auspices of the Duchess, and per- 
 formed at the theatre in Lincoln's- inn-fields, 
 under the immediate influence of her Grace; 
 who, to induce the manager. Rich, to bring 
 it upon his stage, agreed to indemnify him 
 all the expenses he might incur, provided 
 that the daring speculation should fail. The 
 oft'er had first been proposed to Fleetwood 
 and his partners, at Drury-Lane Theatre ; 
 but it was at onco rejected by them, as a 
 piece that would not be tolerated by a public 
 audience: indeetl, they stoutly refused it a 
 rehearsal. The success of the " Beggar's 
 Opera" mainly depended upon two points — 
 the hatred of one party against the Italian 
 Opera, and the hatred of ar.other party 
 against theC'^urt. The ridicule of sing-song, 
 united with operatic^l acting, was complete, 
 and the satire levelled in the original against 
 the King, the Queen, and the Court, by Gay, 
 
 * The schoolmaster himself deserves correction 
 here; the nrrerj' beinc nnmed after the Esrl ot 
 Orrery, anfl not invented by liini, and for whom 
 the flrait instrument of the kind was made. 
 
 who was a disappointed courtier, wae too 
 bitter, too witty, not to be felt It was re- 
 ceived with applause. 
 
 CONSOLATIOIT XJNDER DIFFICCLTIKS; 
 
 Joseph Lancaster carried his enthusiastic 
 and imaginative tempprament into every- 
 thing he did; or, as his biographer savs, 
 "carries the same spirit into tlie world with 
 him, and applies it, without discrimination, 
 to his pecuniary circiHUstances. He is 
 pressed for money, but he cannot believe 
 that, 'ifthe Almighty had designed the edu- 
 cation of the poor of London, a few poor piti- 
 less creditors can prevent it;' onlv let the 
 eyes of his friends be opened, and they v.ill 
 see 'the mountain full of horses of fire, 
 and of chariots of fire, round about Eli- 
 jah.' He is in 'watch and ward,' ar- 
 rested for debt, and in a sponging-house ; 
 he has been there three days, and no one has 
 been to see him ; but he is ' as happy as 
 Jost^ph was in the King's prison in Egypt' 
 Corston, his friend, visits him, and stays an 
 hour or two with him. ' Afier his departure, 
 he rang for the sheriff's officer to take him 
 to the Bench, but obtained leave to call at 
 home on their way thither. When he got 
 home, his wife and child, and all his young 
 monitors were assembled, overwhelmed with 
 grief, because he was going to prison. AAer 
 being with them a little, he opened the par- 
 lour door, and said to the man, ' Friend, when 
 I am at home I read the Scriptures to my 
 family; hast thou any obj'.-ction to come 
 in.'' He replied, 'No, sir,' and went in. 
 After he had read a chapter or two, he went 
 to prayer. The man soon became deeply 
 affected, and joined the common grief. After 
 prayer, the man returned into the other room, 
 and Joseph in a few minutes said to him, 
 ' Now. friend, I am ready for thee.' Tliey 
 had not gone many paces from the d 'Or, 
 when the man said, ' Sir, have you got no 
 friend to be bound for you for this debt?' 
 Joseph replied, ' No ; I have tried them all:' 
 ' Well,' replied the man, ' then I'll be bound 
 for you myself, for you are an honest mm, I 
 know.' He surrendered him at the King's 
 Bench, and they took his security fur the 
 debt 'About ten o'clock next morning,' 
 says Mr. Corsion, 'he came jumping into 
 m3' warehouse, at Ludgate-hill, sa-snng, 
 "Ah, friend William, did I not teirthee 
 that thou vrast not to assist me this 
 time?"' This arrest brought matters to a 
 crisis. A fi-iendly docket vvas struck against 
 him, and his creditors were called togeihei'. 
 The result was, that in 1808 his affairs 
 were transferred to trustees, a fixed sum was 
 allowed for his privaie expen.ses, a ccnect ac- 
 count of all receipts and expenditure was f&f 
 the fii-st time kept; and shortly after a« 
 A.ssociation was formed, originally entitled 
 'The Royal Lancasterian In-titutiun for pi-o- 
 moting the Education of the Children of the 
 Poor,' and subsequently, for thesake of greater 
 simplicity, comprehension, and brevity, * lie 
 British and Foreign School Society.' *
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 lor 
 
 A coot, HAND. 
 
 A yonng neck-or-nothinfj Oxonian hav- 
 intr prevailed on his uncie to accoi^pany him 
 in" his gig to Oxford, in passinj,^ tliioiigh 
 Ken.-ingt .n, the old gentleman observed, he 
 had paid hie nephew a great compliment, for 
 that was only the fifih time he had ever 
 been in a gig in his life. The nephew 
 replied, that his horse beat him hollow, for 
 he had never been in one at all before that 
 day. 
 
 OaDTTINtt THK FlSlf. 
 
 One evenmg, .1 red-headed Connaught 
 swell, of no small aristocratic pretension* in 
 his own eyes, >ent his servant, whom lie had 
 just imported froni the long-horned king- 
 dom, in all t'.ie rou^h majesty of a creature 
 fresh from the "wiMs," to purchase a hun- 
 died ot oysters on the City-quay. Paudy 
 staid so long away, that Squire 'I'rigger got 
 quite impatient and unhappy lest his " bo^ly 
 man" might have slipt into the Liffey ; 
 however, to his inllnite relief, Paddy soon 
 made his appearance, iiulKng and blowing 
 like a disabled bellows, but carrying his load 
 seemingly m great irimnph. " Well, Pat," 
 cried the master, "what the devil kept you 
 so long ?" " Long I ah thin, may be it's what 
 you'd have me to come home with half my 
 arrant?" says Pat. " Half the oysters?" 
 says the master. " No ; but too much of 
 the >A." say-s Pat. "What tish?" says 
 he. '-The oysters, to be sure," says Pat. 
 " What do you m- an, blockhead?" says he. 
 "I mean," says Pat, "that there was no 
 use in loading myself with more nor was 
 useful." " V\ ill you explain youistll," says 
 he. " I will," says Pat, laying down his 
 load. "Well, then, you see, plaise jour 
 honour, as I was coming home along tlie 
 quay, mighiy pcaceabf-, who should 1 meet 
 butShammus JVlnginus: 'Good monow, Sha- 
 mi<n,' tiis I; 'Good morrow, kiiully, Pau- 
 deeii,' sis he ; ' What is it you have in the 
 sai-k?' sis he; 'A hundred of oysters,' sis I ; 
 'Let us look at them,' sis he; '1 wiil, and 
 welcome,' sb I ; ' Orrah ! thunder and pra- 
 tees !' sis he, opening the sack, and examinin 
 th'in, who sotvid \ou the^e?' 'One lom 
 Kinalian that keejis a small ship there be- 
 low,' sis I ; 'Musha then, bad luck to that 
 same Tom that sowld the likes to yoi-,' sis 
 he; 'Arrah, why avick?' sis 1 ; ' To make a 
 bo/sour ov you an give them to you v,i h- 
 out gutting thim,' sis he; 'An ain't they, 
 gutte-d, Jim, aroon,' sis I ; ' Oh ! bad luck to 
 the one o' thim,' sis he; 'Alusha then,' says 
 I, ' what tne dhoul will I do at all at all ? 
 fur the master will be mail ;' ' Do !' sis he, 
 'why I'd rather do the thing for you mysel, 
 nor you should lose your place,' sis he ; .so 
 will th-it he begins to gut them wid his kiiile, 
 nale an.l dain ; an altered ov dirtj ing the 
 flags, begor, he swallowid the guts hiin- 
 sell from beginnin to ind, tal he had thim ;is 
 daceiit as you see thim here " — dashing down 
 at his m.ster's leet his bag of o\bter-»hellSr 
 to the no small amazement of the Connaught 
 worthy, as you may suppose. 
 
 A great deal of rudeness i- occasionally 
 experienced at tables d'liote in Frarce. At 
 Bagnferes de Bi^iorre, Lady Chatttrton re- 
 lates ; " We laughed a good deal at a set-ne 
 we witnessed at the tab'.e d'hote yesterday, 
 where a Frenchman, after helping himself to 
 all the best pieces of the roast fowl, tuined 
 to the lady next him, and said, with a most 
 insinuating smile, ' Madame ne mange pas 
 de v«laiUe.' " 
 
 OKNERAL GKSKRALU?S1M0. 
 
 Bayle tells us of a Gmeral ot the Jesrrits 
 at Rome, once exulting of his greati.ess and 
 his order, who thus expressed himself to a 
 friend :— " I will tell you, in this very 
 chamber, I govern Konie — wh t am 1 talk- 
 ing about? Kome! I govern all Italy — a hat 
 do I say? Italy! I govern ah Europe it- 
 self; and not Europe alone, but the whole 
 world." 
 
 MK. HCSKIS.SON AND FREE TRADE. 
 
 The tbllowmg dialogue, in his own hand- 
 writing, and bearing various marks of cor- 
 rection in the same, was lound among iMr. 
 Huskisson's MS. papers ; and a.s there is 
 every reason to believe it to have been his 
 own composition, it, is inserted as a specnnen 
 of that easy playfulness which has been men- 
 tioned as one of the charms of his private 
 society. 
 
 " Fratcninl Dinlng:ie between John Bull and 
 his brother Jimathan. (ZPu/e July, 1»J.).J — 
 Joiuidian. You aro a very good and constant 
 customer, John, at my shoj), for flour, ho ps, 
 staves, and many other art cles ot my :ia lej 
 you are good pay, aiid I'm always ^Ld to 
 deal with you. — Juhn. I believe all you bay. 
 1 wish 10 continue a good customer ; but I 
 must say your m >de of diali.g with me is 
 rather hard. Every time 1 travtl to, or .^eiid 
 to your shop (Sunday or not), I am obliged 
 to pay double tollat ihe tur pike-gate, which 
 is close betore it. — Jon. You need not t ke 
 that trouble. I prefer sending my g-oids to 
 my customers by my own porters; and as 
 they are alwa_\s reiidy and punctual in doli- 
 venng the packages, I do not see why you 
 shou.d cuinplaiii. — Juhn. I complain because 
 my own cart and hoises h ive noihiiig to do^ 
 and my people are ujion the poor-rate, "hilst 
 I am paying you lor porterage. I will not 
 go on in this way. — Jun. Well, we wid'coa- 
 sider of it ne.\t Christmas, when the part- 
 ners in our tiiiu meet to talk over the coQ- 
 cem. (John remaina patit-nt for another 
 year ; when, timling thy Sunday toll biill 
 continued, he asks what brother Jonathan 
 ai.d his firm hiive decided? (July, IHZG.) 
 Jon. We have resolved to grant a n. w le>»sc 
 of the tolls, witliouL making any alteraiioa 
 in the terms. — John. You have! Tneii I 
 withdraw my custom. — Jon, The dovil you 
 do! {Aaiile.) We mistook him lor a more 
 patient a.--s than he proves to be. liow shall 
 we contrive to bring him back to muc 
 shop?"
 
 108 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 WONCE LOUIS napoleon's DESCENT UPON 
 BOULOGNE. 
 
 On Sunday, the 4th of August, 1840, a 
 jsmall hired steamer, the City of Edinburgh, 
 Captain Ciow, commander, dropped down 
 the ITiames from London, with what seemed 
 a pleasure-party of foreigners on board. 
 There were about sixty passengers in all, 
 including Prince Louis Napoleon, his gentle- 
 men, grooms, lacqueys, &c. ; and the place 
 of destination was said to be Hamburgh. 
 But when the steamer was out at sea on the 
 5th, the Prince harangued his companions, 
 told them the object of the voyage, distributed 
 money among them, and caused them all to 
 put on false French uniforms which he had 
 brought with him. Captain Crow received 
 orders to make for Boulogne ; and during the 
 rest of the voj'age, the cabin was the scene 
 of feasting and uproar. Captain Crow had 
 never seen people drink so mucb, he after- 
 wards deposed in the w itness-box ; and poor 
 Hobhs the steward did nothing all night but 
 draw corks. By midnight, the steamer was 
 off the French coast, and at six o'clock on 
 the morning of the Gth the party landed at 
 Vimereux, rear Boulogne. Having formed 
 in marching order, they set out for the town, 
 the Prince at their head, after him an officer 
 carrying a gilt eagle, and then the men in 
 unito> m. The Prince had with him a sum 
 of 500,000 francs (i20,000) in bank-notes 
 and gold ; his companions likewise carried 
 bags of money and bottles of rum. Other 
 parts of the furniture of the expedition were 
 a live eagle, which, however, never made its 
 appearance ; and copies of three proclama- 
 tions privately printed in England, one ad- 
 dressed to the French people, another to the 
 army, and a third to the department of Pas- 
 de-Calais. Passing a custom-house station, 
 ■where the men would have nothing to do 
 with them, the band, with a crowd of fisher- 
 men, children, &c., hallooing in their train, 
 reached Boulogne, the garrison of which con- 
 sisted of two companies of the 42d line. The 
 soldiers were at breakfast in the barracks 
 when the parts' entered. Hum was distri- 
 buted as well as money; the soldiers were 
 ordered to cry " Vive l' Empereur ;" and Louis 
 Napoleon, addressing them, promised them 
 promotion if they would join him. Totalh' 
 confused and bewildered, and seeing one of 
 their own lieutenants in the Prince's com- 
 pany, the soldiers offered no resistance ; 
 some cried " Vive V Empereur !" uncertain, as 
 afterwards appeared, whether to believe the 
 person before them to be the Emperor him- 
 self come back, or his son, or only his 
 nephew. By the presence of mind of a ser- 
 geant, however, any decided act of adhesion 
 was prevented ; and meanwhile, the alarm 
 having been given, the colonel and other 
 officers rushed to the barracks. The parley- 
 ing now gave way to vehement altercation ; 
 the soldiers gathered round their officers ; 
 the Prince fired a pistol at the colonel, miss- 
 ing his aim, but wounding a soldier in the 
 neck ; and, at last, totally defeated in their 
 
 object, the whole party left the banracks, and 
 took to their heels through the town, shower- 
 ing pieces of money among the crowd that 
 ran after them. The Prince seemed out of 
 his senses ; he ran at the head of his little 
 band, brandishing his cocked-hat which he 
 had stuck on the point of his sword, and 
 crying out " Vive I Empereur .'" Meanwhile 
 the soldiers had set out in pursuit ; and with 
 little difficulty the whole party was captured. 
 Brought to trial before the Chamber of 
 Peers, the prisoners were found guilty, and 
 condemned as follows: the Prince to perpe- 
 tual imprisonment ; his chief associates, such 
 as Count Montholon, M. de Parquin, and M. 
 de Persigny, to twenty j-ears' detention ; and 
 the minor culprits, such as Dr. Conneau, to 
 lesser terms of the same punishment. The 
 Prince escaped from confinement, in the dis- 
 guise of a labourer, on the '25th of May, 1846. 
 
 LOVE AND COOKERY. 
 
 The Earl of Peterborough, whilst in Spain, 
 once pointed some artillery against a convent 
 in which a beautiful woman of rank had 
 taken refuge, so that, by terrifying her to 
 come forth, he might obtain a view of her 
 admirable person. 
 
 Cookery was quite as much the Earl's 
 hobbj' as war. It appears to have been 
 for from unusual for him to assist at the 
 preparation of a feast over which he was 
 about to preside ; and, when at Batb, he was 
 occasionally seen about the streets, in his 
 blue ribbon and star, carrying a chicken in 
 his hand, and a cabbage, perhaps, under each 
 arm. 
 
 BFAUTIFUL BALLAD SINGER. 
 
 In Gay's time, there was a young creature 
 among the ballad-singers, known to the world 
 by no other title than Clara, who drew much 
 attention at this time by the sweetness and 
 pathos of her tones. She was the original 
 singer of " Black-eyed Susan," and one or 
 two songs which were afterwards introduced 
 into the "Beggar's Opera;" but her recom- 
 mendation to particular notice was the cir- 
 cumstance of her being for many years the 
 object of Bolingbroke's enthusiastic affection. 
 The poor girl strayed for some time, during 
 which his Lordship had not seen her : it was 
 after this interval, that, meeting her, he ad- 
 dressed to her the following tender lines, be- 
 ginning— 
 
 " Dear, thoughtless Clara, to my verse at- 
 tend. 
 Believe for once the lover and the friend." 
 
 And concluding thus : 
 
 " To virtue thus, and to thj'self restored. 
 By all admired, 'oy one alone adored : 
 Be to thy Hariy ever kind and true, 
 And live for him who more than died for 
 you." 
 
 A series of calamities totally ruined her 
 vocal powers, and she afterwards subsisted 
 by the sale of oranges at the Court of Re» 
 quests.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 109 
 
 III TRAFALGAR. 
 
 In the battle of Trafalgar, an officer was 
 wounded bj' a gl-ape-shot entering the abdo- 
 men, and the surgeon candidly assured him 
 that he had but a short time to live. The 
 officer desired that some person would lend 
 him a shirt " to caulk himself with, while he 
 made his will." This was furnished, and 
 he stuffed it into his side, while he thus ad- 
 dressed his frier"^ : — " You know that my poor 
 mother depend ■ 'ely on my exertions : take 
 notice how many ships have struck before I 
 die, and mind that she shares for them." 
 
 DK KOK's AVIT. 
 
 Daniel De Foe said there was only this 
 difference between the fates of Charles the 
 First and his sou James the Second ; that 
 the former was a wet martyrdom, and the 
 other a dry one. 
 
 When Sir Kichard Steele was made a 
 member of the Commons, it was expected 
 trom his ingenious writings that he would 
 have been an admirable orator ; but it not 
 proving so, De Foe said, " He had better have 
 continued the Spectator than the Taller." 
 
 FIRST WAGGON, AND POST-CHAISES. 
 
 Joseph Brasbridge, writing in 1824, says- 
 — "I recollect the lirst broad-wheeled waggon 
 that was used in Oxfordshire, and a wonder- 
 ing crowd of spectators it attracted. I be- 
 lieve at that time there was not a post-chaise 
 in England, except two-wheeled ones. Lamps 
 to carriages are also a modem improvement. 
 A shepherd, who was keeping sheep in the 
 vicinity of a village in Oxford.<hire, came 
 running over to say that a frightful monster, 
 with saucer ryes, and making a great blow- 
 ing noise, was coming towards the village. 
 This monster turned out to be a post-chaise 
 with two- lamps." 
 
 THEATRICAL WIT. 
 
 Ilattrn, Svho was a considerable favourite 
 at the Haymarket Theatre, and particularly 
 in the part of Jack Junk, was one night at 
 Gosport, performing the character of Barba- 
 rossa. In the scene when the tyrant makes 
 love to Za]>phira, and reminds her of his 
 services against the enemies of her kingdom, 
 he was at a loss, and could not catch the 
 word from the prompter. Another moment 
 and a terrific hiss would have driven him 
 from the stage, v.-hen, socing the house 
 crowded with sailors, and regardless of the 
 gross anachronism, he exclaimed, with all 
 the energy of tragedy — 
 
 " Did not I, 
 
 IW that brave knight Sk Sidney Smith as- 
 sisted. 
 And in conjunction with the gallant Nelson, 
 Drive Bonaparte and his fierce marauders 
 From Egypt's shores ? " 
 
 The jolly tars thought that it was all in his 
 part, and cheered the actor with three rounds 
 of applause. 
 
 CLASSIC FELON y. 
 
 Sir John Hav-ward was imprisoned by 
 order of Queen Elizabeth, on account of some 
 things advanced in his " Life and Keign of 
 Henry IV. She applied to Bacon to see if 
 he could discover any pa-ssages that were 
 treasonable ; but his reply was, that " for 
 treason he found none, b>it for felony very 
 many" which he explained by saying that 
 the author had stolen many sentences from 
 Tacitus, and translated them into English. 
 
 INVENTION OF SHOT. 
 
 The expedient of throwing shot from a 
 tower, to preserve its globular form, was lirst 
 hit upon by a Bristol plumber, of the name 
 of Watts, in the year 1782 ; the experiment 
 
 I being first tried from tbe Tower of St. 
 
 i Mar\-, Redcliffe. Watts subsequently sold 
 his patent to the eminent firm of VValker, 
 Maltby, and Co., and with the money com- 
 menced making excavations and building 
 walls to form a crescent at Clifton. The 
 foundations were scarcely completed, when 
 his fortune was expended, and the spot, 
 for m;inv vears, bore the designation of 
 " Watts's Folly." 
 
 SOMERSET HOUSJK AND LORD NELSON. 
 
 Mr. P. Cunningham, in his " Hand-book 
 for London," relates: — A little above the 
 entrance door to the otfice of Stamps and 
 Taxes, in Somerset House, is a white watch 
 face, regarding which the popular belief has 
 been, and is, that it was left there by a la- 
 bouring man who fell from a scaffold at the 
 top of the building, and was only saved from 
 destruction by the ribbon of his watch, which 
 caught in a piece of projecting work. In 
 thankful remembrance (so the storj' runs) of 
 his wonderful escape, he afterwards desired 
 that his watch might be placed as near as 
 possible to the spot where his life had been 
 saved. Such is the story told fifty times a 
 week to groups of gaping listeners — a story 
 I am sorrj' to disturb, for the watch of the 
 labouring man is nothing more than a watch 
 face iilaced by the Royal Society as a meri- 
 di.in mark for a portable transit instrument 
 in one of the windows of their ante-iooms. 
 To this account of Somerset House, I may 
 add a little circumstance of interest which I 
 was told by an old clerk on the establishment 
 of the Auilit-office. " When I first came to 
 this building," he said, '• I was in tlio habit 
 of seeing, for many mornings, a thin spare 
 naval olficer, with only one arm, enter the 
 vestibule at a smart step, and make direct 
 for the Admiralty, over the rough round 
 stones of the (juadrangle, instead of taking 
 what others generally touk, and continue to 
 take, the smooth pavement of the sides. His 
 thi-ii frail figure shook at eveiy step, and I 
 often wondered why he chose so rough a 
 footway ; but I ceased to wonder when I 
 heai-d that the thin frail offii!er was no other 
 than Lord Xelson, who always took," con- 
 tinued my inforniant, "the nearest way to 
 the fihiLC he wanted to go to."
 
 no 
 
 KAILWA¥ ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 BALL AND KIFPIB. 
 
 The Rev. Robert Hall, oa being 3sk«d if 
 Dr. Kippis wan not a clever man, said, "He 
 ijiigbt be a very clever man by nature, for 
 aiifiht 1 know; but he laid so many books 
 upon his head that his brain eould not move." 
 
 l)i-gusted, on one occasion, by the egotism 
 and cunceit of a preacher, who, with a mix- 
 ture of self-complacency and impudence, 
 challenged his admiration of a sermon, Mr. 
 H:ill, who possessed strong powers of satire, 
 which he early learned to repress, was pro- 
 voked to say, " Yes, there was one very fine 
 pa-sage in your discourse, sir." " I am re- 
 joiced to hear you say so — which was it? " 
 '• Why, sir, it was ihepasiagef/om the pulp/t 
 into t/ie v£Siri/." 
 
 GEORGK III. AND JOSEFII LANCASTER. 
 
 In 1805, Joseph Lancaster, the educationist, 
 wts adinitttd to an interview with George 
 HI., at Wej'mouth. On entering the Royal 
 presence, the King said : " Lancaster, I have 
 sent for you to give me an account of your 
 3} (Stem of education, which I hear has met 
 wiih opposition. One mast&r teach five hun- 
 dred children at the same time! How do 
 you keep them in order, Lancaster?" Lan- 
 caster replied, " Flease thy Majestj', by the 
 sam<> principle thy Majesty's army is kept 
 ill ' rdter — by the word of command." His 
 Miijesty replied, "Good, good; it does not 
 require an aged generation to give the ccm- 
 m.iiid ; one of younger years can do it." 
 Lancaster observed that in his schools the 
 tCdijhing branch was performed by youths, 
 who acted as monitors. The King assented, 
 and said " Good." Lancaster then described 
 his system ; tlie King paid great attention, 
 and was highly delighted ; and as soon as 
 he had finished, his Majesty said, " Lan- 
 caster, I highly approve of your system, and 
 it is my wish that every poor child in my 
 dominions should be taught to read the 
 Bible; I will do anything you wish to pro- 
 m 'le this object." " Pieaee thy Majesty," 
 said Lancaster, "if the system meets thy 
 Majesty's approbation, I can go through the 
 country and lecture on the syt^tem, and have 
 no doubt, but in a few months I shall be 
 al)le to give thy Majesty an account where 
 ten thousand poor children are being edu- 
 CiU'A, and some of my youths instructing 
 lliem. His Alajesty immediately replied, 
 '• i.ancastor, I will subscribe £100 annually; 
 ari<)," addressing tlie Queen, " you shall sub- 
 scribe £60, Charlotte; and the Princesses, 
 £-J5 each ; " and then added, " Lancaster, 
 3 <'U may have the money directly." Lan- 
 caster observed, " Please thy Majesty, that 
 ■*\ dl be setting thy nobles a good exjimple." 
 The K03 al party appeared to smile at this 
 ol'servation ; but the Queen observed to his 
 ■Majesty, " How cruel it is that enemies 
 should be found who endeavour to hinder 
 ■bis progress in so good a work." To which 
 the King replied, " Charlotte, a good man 
 lei-ks his reward in the world to come." 
 Joseph then withdi-ew. 
 
 OAUOINO. tjf^ 
 
 On tlie occasion of Kepler's second mar- 
 riage, he found it necessary to stock his cellar 
 with a few casks of wLue. When the wine- 
 merchant came to measure the casks, Kepler 
 objected to his method, as he made no allow- 
 ance for the diSerent sizes of the bulging 
 parts of the cask. From this accident, Kep- 
 ler was led to study the subject of gaugmg, 
 and to write a treatise on it, published at 
 Linz, in 1615, and which contains the earliest 
 specimens of the modern analysis. 
 
 PATRONAGE OF AUTHORS. 
 
 In the reigns of William HI., of Anne, and 
 of George L, even such men as Congreveand 
 Addison would scarcely have been able to 
 live like gentlemen by the mere sale of their 
 writings. But the deficiency of the natural 
 demand for literature was, at the close of the 
 seventeenth, and at the beginning of the 
 eighteenth century, more than made up by 
 artificial encouragement — bj- a vast S} stem 
 of bounties and premiums. There was, per- 
 haps, never a time at which the rewards of 
 literary merit were so splendid — ^at which 
 men who could write well, f mnd such easy 
 admittance into the most distinguished so- 
 ciety, and to the highect honours of the 
 state. The chiefe of both the great parties 
 into which the kingdom was divided, patron- 
 ised literature with emulous munificence. 
 Congreve, when he had scarcely' attaineil his 
 majority, was rewarded for his first comedy 
 with places which made him independent for 
 life. Smith, though his "Hippolytus and 
 Phtedra" failed, would have been consoled 
 with £300 a year but for his own lolly, 
 liowe was not only poet-laureate, but land- 
 surveyor of the Customs in the port of Lon- 
 don, Clerk of the Council to tlie Piiuce of 
 Wales, and Secretary of the Presentations 
 to the Lord Chancellor. Hughes was Se- 
 cretary to the Commissions of the Peace. 
 Ambrose Philips was Judge of the Preroga- 
 tive Court in Ireland. Locke was Commis- 
 sioner of Appeals, and of the Board of Trade. 
 Newton was Master of the Mint. Stepney 
 and Prior were employed in embassies of 
 high dignity and importance. Gay, who 
 commenced life as apprentice to a silk- 
 mercer, became a Secretary of Legation at 
 tive-and-twenty. It was to a poem ou the 
 death of Charles II., and to the "City and 
 Country Mouse," that Montague owed his 
 introduction into public life, his Earldiim, his 
 Garter, and his Auditorship of the Ext;he- 
 quer. Swift, but for the unconiiuerable pre- 
 judice of the Queen, would have been a bi- 
 shop. Oxford, with his white stalf in his 
 hand, passed through the crowd ot his suitors 
 to welcome Parnell, when that ingenious 
 writer deserted the Whigs. Steele was a 
 Commissioner of Stamps and a member of 
 Parliament. Arthur Mainwaring was a 
 Commissioner of the Customs, and Auditor 
 of the Imprest. TicKell was Secretary to the 
 i Lords Justices of Ireland. Addiscw was Se- 
 cretarv of State.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 Ill 
 
 IBH0I DE»L4I. 
 
 An Irish boy, who was trying hard to 
 get a place, denied that he was Irish. "I 
 don't know wha^ you mean by nor being an 
 Itishman," said the (jentleman who was about 
 hirinj< him ; " but, tl'is 1 know, you were born 
 in Irelan.i." Och, 3'our honour, if that's all," 
 gaid the boy, " small blame to that. Suppose 
 1 had been" born in a stable, would 1 have 
 been a horse?" 
 
 TRIAL BY BATTLE. 
 
 A remarkable instance presented itself in 
 the year 1818, when the law was fully dis- 
 cussed in the Court of King's Bench, in tbe 
 case of Ashford v . Thornton. Upon that 
 occawon, tbe defrndant had been acquitted 
 upon a prior indictment for the murder of a 
 female. The acquittal of the accused, upon 
 evidence which appeared to many sufficient 
 to ejitblish bis guilt, occasioned great dis- 
 eatjsfaction ; and the brother and next heir 
 of the deceased was, accordingly, advised to 
 bring the matter again under the con>idera- 
 tioii of u jury, by the disused practice of an 
 appeal. The defendant waged his battle, 
 and the appellant rei)lied circumstances of 
 euch pregnant su-piciou as (it was contended) 
 precluded the defendant from asserting his 
 innocence by battle. It was, however, de- 
 cided by the court that an appeal being, in 
 its origin and nature, a hostile challenge, 
 gave to tbe appellee a right to insi.st upon 
 lighting, and that the appellant could not 
 detn-ive him of that right by a mere allega- 
 tion of suspicious circumstances. The case 
 had proceeded thus far, when the legal anti- 
 quaiies were disappointed of the rare s^pec- 
 tade of a judicial duel, by the voluntary 
 abandonment, of the pro-ecntion. A writer 
 of the time observed: — "Should the duel 
 take place, it will be indeed a singular tight 
 to heboid the present venerable and learned 
 iudges of the Court of Kin<;'a Bench clothed 
 in ttieir full roHtume, sitting all day long in 
 the open air in Tothill-fields, as the umpires 
 of a match at single-stick. Nor will a less 
 surpriring spectacle be furnished by the 
 learned persons who are to appear as the 
 counsel of the combatant?, and wlio, as soon 
 as the ring is formed, will haveto accompany 
 their clients within the lists, and to stand, 
 like so miny records and bottle-holder?, be- 
 3i<ic a rair of bare-legged, bare- armed, and 
 bare-headed cudgellists." The subject, lu- 
 dicrous as it seemed, was one of considerable 
 seriousness and importance. The retlection 
 that in the nineteenth century a human life 
 might be sacrificed to a practice whiih might 
 have been conceived too absurd, impious, 
 and cruel, to have outlived the dark ages, 
 could not be entertained without pain. In 
 the f< llowing year, however, this bsrbarous 
 absurdity was nullified by an act (59 Geo. 
 3, c. 46) abolishing all criminal appeals ard 
 trial by battle in all cases, both civil and 
 criminal, and thus purifying tbe law of Eng- 
 land from a blot which time and civilisation 
 had strangely failed to wear away. 
 
 THE DfcSIBED EPFBCT. 
 
 A young girl from the country being on 
 a visit to a Quaker, was prevailed on to ac- 
 company him to meeting. It happened to 
 be a .-ilent one, none of the bretiiren being 
 moved by the spirit to utter a syllable. 
 When the Quaker left the meeting-house 
 wiih his young friend, he asked her "How 
 aidst thou like the meeting?" to which she 
 pettishly replied, "Like it? why I can see no 
 sense in it — to go and sit for whole hours to- 
 gether without speaking a word ; it is enough 
 to kill the devil." " Yea, my dear," rejoined 
 the Quaker, " that is just what we want." 
 
 TVROLESK BRAVE KY. 
 
 One of the most memorable exploits of the ,V' 
 Tyrolese during the campaign of 1809 took 
 plice ne ir the second bridge, called Pont- 
 iatzer Briicke. The fate of a division of 
 IU,UU0 men belonging to tlie French and 
 Bavarian army, which entered the Upper 
 Iiidthal, or Valley of the Inn, will explain 
 in part the means by which the victories of 
 the Tyrolese were obtiiued. The invading 
 troops advarxed in a long column up a road 
 bordered on the one side by the river Inn, 
 then a deep and rapid toiTent, where cli& 
 of immense height overhang both road and 
 river. Tbe vanguard was permitted to ad- 
 vance unopposed as far as Prutz, the object 
 of their expedition. The rest of the army 
 were, therefore, induced to trust themselves 
 still deeper in this tremendous pass, where 
 the precipices becoming more and more nar- 
 row as they advanced, seemed about to close 
 above their heads. No sound but of the 
 screaming of the eagles disturbed trom their 
 evries and the roar of the river reached the 
 ears of tlve soldiers ; and on the precipice*, 
 partly enveloped in a hazy mist, no human 
 foims showed themselve.-'. At length, the 
 voice of a man was he.ird, calling across the 
 ravme. "Shall we begin?" "No!" was 
 returned in an authoTitiitive tone of voice, 
 by one who, like the tirst speaker, seemed 
 tbe inhabitant of some upper region. The 
 Bavarian detachment halted, and sent to the 
 General for order?, when presently was heard 
 fl e terrible signal, "In the name of the Holy 
 Trinity, cut all loose!" Huge rocks and 
 trunks of tree.", long prepared and laid in 
 heaps for the purpose, row began to descend 
 rspiilly in every direction ; while the deadly 
 tire of the Tyrolese, who never throw away 
 a shot, opened from ervery liush, crag, or 
 corner of rock, which would aft'ord the shooter 
 cover. As this dreadful attack was made on 
 the whole line at once, two-thirds of the 
 enemy were instantly destroyed ; while the 
 T} rofese, rushing from th«ir shelter, with 
 swords, Fpeare, axes, scythts, clubs, and all 
 other rustic instruments which could be con- 
 verted into weapons, boat down and routed 
 the shattered remainder. As the vanguard, 
 which had reached Prutz, was obliged to 
 surienrier, very few of the ten thousand in- 
 VHder.s are computed to have extricated 
 themselves from the fatal pass.
 
 112 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 SIR A8TLEY COOPER. 
 
 yC It has often been remarked that some cir- 
 cumsfance, apparently accidental, has tended 
 to influence the future career of those con- 
 cerned ; and an anecdote is told of Sir Asiley, 
 which, if true, seems to bear out this idea. 
 It is said that, when a boy, he saw a lad fall 
 from a cart, and tear his thigh in such a 
 manner as to wound the femoral artery. 
 Our young hero imrnediateh' took his hand- 
 kerchief, applied it round the thigh, and 
 twisted it so tightly as to control the bleed- 
 ing till further assistance could be pro- 
 cured. 
 
 Sir Astley received some very large fees, 
 among which, not the least remarkable was 
 that of a thousand guineas thrown at him 
 in liis night-cap, by a patient whom he 
 had rut for the stone: an anecdote which 
 he told with no small degree of animation, 
 on retiring from a patient upon whom he had 
 just performed the same operation, and who 
 had likewise, in his agony, flung his cap at 
 the surgeon, but without its containing, on 
 this occasion, the cheque which gave so much 
 force to the original incident. In 1815, when 
 at the height of his reputation, he removed 
 to Spring-gardens ; and he was one of the 
 few with whom the migration from the City 
 to the West-end proved fully successful. A 
 few years afterwards, he was employed profes- 
 sional!}' by George IV. to removb j. small 
 tumor from the scalp : an operation which 
 he performed with all his wonted coolness / 
 and dexterity. Probably, no surgeon of 
 ancient or modern times enjoyed a greater 
 share of reputation during his life than 
 fell to the lot of Sir Astley. The Old and 
 New World has alike rungwith his fame ; and 
 we cannot give a better example of this than 
 the fact of his signature being received as a 
 passport among the mountains of Biscay by 
 the wild followers of Don Carlos. A young 
 English surgeon, seeking for employment, 
 was carried as a prisoner before Zumalacar- 
 re([ui, who demanded what testimonials be 
 had of his calling or his qualifications? Our 
 countrymen presented his diploma of the 
 College of Surgeons ; and the name of Astley 
 Pa&ton Cooper, which was attached to it, 
 no sooner struck the ej'eof the Carlist leader, 
 than he at once received his prisoner with 
 friendship, and appointed him a surgeon in 
 his army. Sir Astley long enjoyed a large 
 share of public patronage ; but we believe 
 the actual amount of his fortune, when stated 
 at half a million, is considerably over-rated. 
 His personal expenses were not great ; but 
 he was very liberal to his relations, on whom, 
 we have heard, on what we believe to be good 
 authorit}-, that he bestowed between two and 
 three thousand pounds annually. He is also 
 said to h^ve spent £20,000 in bringing his 
 brother into Parliament. Nor was his libe- 
 rality confined to his own family. When 
 Dr. Baillie and some otheis made up a purse 
 for Dr. I'emberton, in the difficulties brought 
 upon him by bis illherlth, Sir Astley con- 
 tributod t""e •.iKinifu.-ent sum of £500. 
 
 BISHOP WATSOIf. 
 
 The Rev. Robert Hall once observed of 
 Bishop Watson, that " he married public vir- 
 tue in his early days, but seemed for ever 
 afterwards to be quarrelling with his wife." 
 
 AN EMPEROR SAVED. 
 
 The Martinswand, in the Tyrol, owes its 
 chief celebrity to an adventure of the Em- 
 peror Maximilian. That enthusiastic sports- 
 man, led away, on one occasion, in pursuit 
 of a chamois among the rocks above, by ill- 
 luck missed his footing, and, rolling headlong 
 to the verge of the precipice, was just able 
 to arrest himself, when on the brink of de- 
 struction, by clinging with his head down- 
 wards to a ledge of rock, in a spot where he 
 could move neither up nor down, and where, 
 to all appearance, no one could approach him. 
 He was perceived from below in this perilous 
 position ; and, as his death was deemed inevi- 
 table, prayers were offered up at the foot of 
 the rock by the Abbot of Wilten, as though 
 for a person in articulo moitis. The Em- 
 peror, finding his strength failing him, had 
 given himself up for lost, and recommended 
 his Sk>;il to heaven, when a loud halloo near 
 ftt hand arjested his attention. A bold and 
 intrepid hunter, named Zips, who had been 
 driven to the mountains to avoid imprison- 
 ment for poaching, had, without knowing 
 what had happened, also been drawn to 
 the spot, in clambering after a chamois. 
 Surprised to find a human being thus sus- 
 pended between earth and sky, he uttered 
 the cry which attracted Maximilian's atten- 
 tion. Finding the perilous nature of the 
 case, he was in a few minutes at the Em- 
 peror's side, and binding on his feet his own 
 crampons, and extending to him his sinewy 
 arm, he succeeded, with difficulty, in guiding- 
 him up the face of the precipice along ledges 
 where, to appearance, even the chamois 
 could not have found footing ; and thus 
 rescued him from a situation of such hope- 
 less peril, that the common people even now 
 attribute his escape to the miraculous inter- 
 position of an angeL The spot where this 
 occurred, cow hollowed out into a cave in 
 the face of the rock, is marked by a crucifix, 
 which, though eighteen feet high, is so far 
 above the post road, that it is barely visible 
 from thence. It is now rendered accessible 
 by a steep and rather difBcult path, and may 
 be reached in about half an hour's walk 
 from Zirl. The cave is 750 feet above the 
 river, and the precipice is so vertical that a 
 plumb-line might be dropped from it into 
 the high-road below. It is traditionally 
 stated that Maximilian rewarded the hunts- 
 man with the title of Count HoUauer von 
 Hohenfelsen, in token of bis gratitude, and 
 in reference to the exclamation uttered bj' 
 him which had sounded so welcome to the 
 Emperor's .?ars by announcing that relief was 
 at hand. From the Emperor's pension list, 
 still in existence, it appears that a sum of 
 sixteen florins was annually paid to one Zip« 
 of Zirl.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 113 
 
 )\ The Marquis d'llaroimrt. walking arm-in- 
 ann with Voltaire, a person took off his hat 
 to the Marquis, who returned the salute. 
 "Why do sou how to that (tllow?" says 
 Voltare, "he's one of 'tie greatest black- 
 gmrisof the day." '• What of that?" re- 
 plied the Marquis; "I wouM not allow a 
 hlackguatd to ouido me as a geulleman." 
 
 LONG STORY. 
 
 V A loquacious lady, ill of a complaint of forty 
 ' years' standinir, applied to 'VIr. Abernethy 
 for advice, and lud benun to describ-* its pro- 
 gress (mm the first, when Mr. A. interrupted 
 her, saying he wanted to go into the next 
 street, to see a patient; he begged the lad_\ to 
 inform him how long it would lake her to tell 
 her slory. The aiiSAcr was, tw-eniv minutes. 
 He askrd her to proceed, and hoped .she 
 would endeavour to tiuish by the time he re- 
 turned. 
 
 PR 'PHBCY OF SPKCTRKS. 
 
 The tragtdiiin John raliiur died on the 
 stage at Liverpo )l. At the Sinie hour and 
 minute, a shopman in Lon'ion, sleeping 
 under a counter, saw distinctly his shade 
 glide throujjh the sliop, open the door, aiid 
 pop into the street Thi;-, an hour or two 
 after, he mentioned very coolly, as if Mr. 
 Palmer hiii»sel> had been there. 
 
 Caniaii saw, on the rint; tinger of his right 
 hand, the niaik of a bloody sword, wnd beard 
 at the same time a voice which I ade him go 
 directly to Milan. The redness piogrrssively 
 increased until tnidnight: the maik then 
 fad d gradually and di:<appeared. At that 
 midnight hour his sou ^\as beheaded at 
 Milan. 
 
 It was told by Knowles, the tutor of Lord 
 Roscommon, when a boy, that young VVent- 
 woith Dillon was one day .-eiztd with a mood 
 of ti.e wildest eccentricity, contrary to his 
 usual dii^p'isition. On a sudden he ex- 
 claimed, "My tathtr is deail! ' And soon 
 after missives came irom Ireland to acuounce 
 the fact. 
 
 The father of Dr. Blnmbrg, Clerk of the 
 Closet to Genrtji' the l'"ourih, was captain in 
 an army seiving in America. We are told 
 by Doctor Ri.dge, that six (ifficers, three 
 hundre i miles from his position, were visit* d 
 after dinner by this modern Brfiiqu'>, wh" sat 
 down in a vacant chair. One said to him, 
 " lilumberK, Jire you mad?" lie rose in si- 
 lence, and slowly glided out <'f the door. He 
 was slain on that day and hcur. 
 
 In I he -'Diary of a Physician" (an embel- 
 liehed record • f facts), we read the story of 
 
 the spectre-smitten Mr. M , whose leisure 
 
 hours were pas.'-ed in the perusal of legends 
 of diablerie and witchcraft. One evening, 
 •when his brain was excited by champagne, 
 he returned to his rooms, and saw a dt-ar 
 friend in his chair; and this (riond had died 
 suddenly, and was at thit moment ^I'd oii< 
 in his chamber; a combination of horrors so 
 unexpected and intense, that monomania was 
 the result. 
 
 Hr.HTINO BY MEASURE. 
 
 The usual place of resort for Dublin dufcl- 
 lists is colhd ihe Fitieen Acrrs. An attorney 
 of that city, in penning a challenge, thought 
 most likely he was drawing a lease, and in- 
 vit^d his antagonist to meet him at "the 
 place called Fifteen Acres — ' be the same more 
 or less.' " 
 
 NICtvNAJIES. 
 
 John Magee, formerly the printer of thft " 
 Dublin /■ueniM^ Posi, was full nf shrewdness 
 and e. cfntricity. Several prosecutions were 
 in-tituted ajrainst him by the Government, 
 and many "ketn encounters of the tongue" 
 tiiok place on these occasions between him 
 and John Scott, Lord Clonmel, who was at 
 that period Chief Jus ice of the King's 
 Bench. In addressing ti.e Jourt in his own 
 dt-feiice, Magee had occasion to allude to 
 some public character, who was better known 
 by a familiar designation. The official gra- 
 vity' of Chinmel was disturbed; and he, with. 
 bilious asperity, reproved the printer, by 
 saying, " Mr. Magee, we allow no nick- 
 names in this court." " Very well, Johit 
 kcott,'' was the reply. 
 
 SIP OK OF ACRF, IX 1840. 
 
 Memorable as is Acre for the sieges it has 
 undergone, there is none more remarkable 
 than that of Nov. 3, 184<>, when the place 
 was s-tormed by the briii,-h fleet, under Sir 
 Robert Sopford", and taken after a bombard- 
 ment of a few h'Urs ; the Lgyptians losing 
 upwards of 2000 in killed and w< uii.ied, and 
 3000 prisoners; while the British had but 
 12 killed ;ind 42 wounded. 
 
 Ill ttie spssi'ii of I'a'liament, 1841, the 
 Duke of Wellington remaiked, in the House 
 of Lords, that lie had no recollect inn, in all 
 his experience, except tli ■ recent instance on 
 the coast of Syria, of any fort being taken by 
 ships; excepiing two or three years ago, 
 when tl e fort ol' St Jean d'Uiloa was cap- 
 tured by the French fleet. That was, he 
 added, the tins. le instance that he recollected ; 
 though 111', believed that soinelliing of the 
 S'lrt had occurred at the .siege of Havannah, 
 in 1703. The above achievement he con- 
 sidered one of the greatest deeds of modern 
 times. It was altogether a most skilful pro- 
 ceeding. On inquiring Imw it happened that 
 so small a number of men weie 1 st on board 
 the fleet, he discovered that it was because 
 the vessels were moored within one-third of 
 the ordinary distance. The guns of the for- 
 tress were intended to strike objects at a 
 I rciter distance; and the con-eqience was, 
 that tlie shot went over the .-hi|)s that were 
 anchored at one thini of the usual distance. 
 By that means, they sustained not more than 
 one- tenth of the loss which they would 
 otherwise have exjierienced. Not less than 
 .500 pieces of ordnaU' e were directed against 
 the walls; and the precision with which the 
 tire was kept up, the po.sition of the vessels, 
 and, la-lly, the blowiig upof tt e large maga- 
 zine, all rided in achieving this great victory 
 in so short a lime. 
 
 y
 
 lU 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 ASSASSINATtON OF WAtUEN9T£IN. 
 
 At the east end of the market place of 
 Eger, iu Bohemia, is the Burgomaster'a 
 house, in which Wallensttin was assassinated, 
 in 1634. It is now, as it was then, the resi- 
 dence of the chief magistrate of the town, 
 who permits his b:^d-room, the scene of the 
 murder, to be shown to strangers. It is the 
 apartment over the entrance, and it has been 
 somewhat modernised ; but the door at the 
 back of the house, by which the assassins, 
 Butler, Devereux, and six dragoons, entered, 
 the wooden stair by which they mounted, 
 the gallery along which they crept, and the 
 low door of his bed-room, which they burst 
 open, after murdering his attendant, are still 
 pointed out. Wallenstein had ju.-t retired 
 :,> '.;til, after dismissing his astrologer, who, 
 it is said, had warned him that his stars at 
 that moment boded untoward fortune. 
 Awakened by a noise on the outside, he 
 arose from his ouch in his i^hi^t, just as 
 Devereux burst optn the door, exclaiming 
 " Thou must die." At these words, Wallen- 
 stein calmly, and wiihout a groan or any 
 sign of iear, opened his arms and rec8ived a 
 blow of the halbert, %vhich, in an instant, 
 stretched him lifeless on the floor. Very 
 little doubt is now enteitaintd that Widlei.- 
 stein was guiltless of the treason attributed 
 to him, and that he had entereil into no 
 agreement with France or Sweden at the 
 time when his deaih was decided on by the 
 Emperor. No proofs of the existence of a 
 conspirac}' or of his guilt were elicited from 
 the numerous per.ons implicated wi:h him. 
 His accusers were the persons who proated 
 by his downfal, and inherited his estates; 
 and the master whom he had twice saved 
 from the brink of ruin was privy to his 
 murder, and vainly attemi)ted to ease a 
 troublid conscience by ordering three thou- 
 sand massts to be said tor his soul ! 
 
 In the hall of the Imperial Castle, now 
 reduced to bare walls, the four fi lends of 
 Wallenstein, who a.^companied him to Eger, 
 were murdered previous to the attack made 
 upon him. Here they were invited to sup 
 with Gordon, a Scotchman, the governor of 
 the castle, who, with Builer. the commander 
 of Wallenstein's escort, Leslie, and some 
 others, exclusively Irish and Scotch, had 
 previously sworn on their drawn swords to 
 put them" to death. It was agreed that cold 
 steel alone sliould be employed, lest the re- 
 port of fire-arms should alarm VVallensteia 
 and the people in the town. As soon as the 
 .good cheer and full goblets began to tell upon 
 the unsuspecting guests, Leslie, having pre- 
 viously ordered the drawbridge to be raised, 
 and having received into his custody all the 
 keys, gave the preconcerted signal, and the 
 room wa3 filled with armed men. The 
 ."doomed victims started up from the table, per- 
 •ceiving the treachery ; two of them, Kinsky 
 and lUo, were quickly cut down ; Terska 
 seizetl his sword and made a desperate re- 
 sistance ; the fourth escaped into the kitchen, 
 but was there butchered, after a struggle. 
 
 After this bloody deed, the actors received 
 absolution in the chapel. In consequence of 
 the perpetration of this crime wi:hin its 
 walls, the castle gained the reputation of 
 being haunted, and Ibr this cause was allowed 
 to fall into decay, and never after inhabited. 
 
 LEGAL ADULTERATION. 
 
 Several publicans being assembled at Mal- 
 ton, in Yorkshire, in order to renew their li- 
 censes to retail beer, the worthy magstrate 
 addressed one of them (an old woman), and 
 said he trusted she did not put any pernicious 
 ingredients into the liquor ; to which she im- 
 mediately replied: " I'll assure your worship 
 there's nought pernicious put into our barrels 
 that I know of, but th' exciseman's stick." 
 
 who's the FiiOL.' 
 
 Some merchants went to an Eastern So- \ 
 vereign, and exhibited for sale several very 
 fine horses. The King admired them, and 
 bought them ; he, moreover, gave the mer- 
 chants a lac of rupees to purchase more 
 horses for him. The King one daj', in a 
 sportive humour, ordered the vizier to make 
 out a list of all the fools in his dominions. 
 He did so, and put his Majesty's name at the 
 head of them. The King asked why. He 
 replied, " Because you entrusted a lac of 
 rupees to men you don't know, and who will 
 never come back." " Ay, but suppose they 
 should come back ? " '« Ttien I shall erase 
 your name and insert theirs." 
 
 aiEBMAiD of 1822. 
 This impudent hoax upon the good people 
 of London was the work of a Japanese tisher- 
 nian, who seems to have displayi-d ingenuity 
 for the mere purpose of making money by 
 his countrymen's passion for everything odd 
 and strange. He contrived to unite the 
 upper half of a monkey to the lower half of a 
 fish so neatly as to dtfy ordinary inpection. 
 He then gave out that he had caught the 
 creature alive in his net, but that it had died 
 shortly after bemg taken out of the water; 
 and he derived coiisiJi;rable peeunidry profit 
 from his cunniut? in more ways than one. 
 The exhibition of the sea-monster to Japa- 
 nese curiosity paid well; but yet more pro- 
 ductive was the assertion that the half- 
 human fish, having spoken during the few 
 minutes it existed out i;f its native element, 
 haj predicted a certain number of yniTs of 
 wonderful fertility, and a fatal epidemic, the 
 only remedy for which would be pussissiou 
 of the marine prophet's likeness. Tbe sale 
 of these pictured mermaids was immense. 
 Either the composite animal, or another, the 
 offspring of the success of the first, was so d 
 to the Dutch factory, and transmitted to 
 Batavia, where it fell into the hands of a 
 speculating 'merican, who brought it to 
 Europe, and here, in the years 1822-23, ex- 
 hibited liis purchase as a real mermaiil at 
 every capital, to the admiiatiou of the igno- 
 rant, the perplexity of the learned, and th* 
 filling of his own purse.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 i15 
 
 \ "Colonel W. is a tine-lookin|[^ man, ain't 
 he?" said a friend of*our^, the other day. 
 "Yes," replied another; '• I was taken tor 
 fiim once." " You ! why you're as ugly as 
 sin!" "I don't care for that; I was taken 
 for liim: I indoi-scd his note, and was taken 
 for him — by the sheriff. ' 
 
 OLD POBO, THE NEGRO. 
 
 The blacks have ail, to a certain degree, 
 a taste for music, and ^■oou catch the tune of 
 any song they have heard. The airs of 
 Moore's and Baj ly's melodies are manj' of 
 them familiar to the slaves; and they 
 often substitute words of their own, which, if 
 sung on an Eng'ish stage, would create roars 
 of laughtftr. Old Pobo had forged a whole 
 posse of ttiese parodies ; and they were really 
 many of them ludicrous in the extreme. 
 Take, for instance, the following, to his 
 wife: — 
 
 ?.Ie own black belle. 
 
 Me iazy black belle. 
 Me nebcr will roam where buekras dwell ; 
 
 Me face 30U view. 
 
 Of your own darli hue 
 Den, ho, neber douc dat me heart's so too. 
 
 " No, no, sing dat uder song, daddy Pobo," 
 cries one of the listeners. 
 
 "Bery well, bery well ; me sing dat oder 
 song," and I'obo strikes up to the tune of 
 « The Soldier's Tear :"— 
 
 Beside de do"r he turn, 
 
 For take one last sly look. 
 At de sugar and de boiling-house, 
 
 And de still bcoidr de brook ; 
 He S€e de mill go round. 
 
 He hear urn — dum — turn — tuni, 
 So he raises de bottle to he mout, 
 
 For take one drink of rum. 
 
 Beside de mule house door. 
 
 One mule bin on inr knee?. 
 She kick de trash upon de ground, 
 
 It fly before de breeze ; 
 De man da gib one cur.<e, 
 
 De manager da come. 
 And den de fellow raise him hand. 
 
 For put away de rum. 
 
 He run for leave de spot. 
 
 Oh, do not tink him fool. 
 For wlun de buckra come wid whip. 
 
 Him temper teldom cool ; 
 Go. watch amonj; de catics, 
 
 You see him hiding — nmm ! — 
 Be ."-uie I.e [ull him bo; tie out. 
 
 For take one drink ol rum. 
 
 TRUE V.Vl-flUR. 
 
 y When General O'Kelly w;is introduced to 
 Louis XVI., soon after the battle of Fonte- 
 noy, his Majesty observed that Clare's regi- 
 ment behaved very well in that engagement. 
 "Sire," said the G. neral, "they behaved 
 very well, it is true — many of them were 
 woutidcd ; but my regiment behaved better, 
 j^ «'fc /fan. <i. . /ttiitd." 
 
 kxeller's paintiro. 
 Sir Godfrey Kneller latterly painted more 
 for profit than for praise, and is said to have 
 used Some experi.nental preparations in his 
 colours which made them work fair and 
 smoothlv off, but not endure. A friend no- 
 ticing it to him, said, '"What do > ou think 
 posterity will say, Sir G 'dfrey Knelh r, when 
 they see these pictures some yeir.-> henc'??" 
 "Say!" replied the artist; "why they'll 
 say Sir Godfrey never painted them !" 
 
 general rapp. 
 Rapp and Savary were aides-de-camp to 
 Dessaix, adopted by Bonaparte on the field of 
 Mareng >. '1 he latter soon made progress by 
 his 8U[)pleness ; the former wis a blunt AJ- 
 3;ician, and became neither duke nor marshal. 
 He once usher d a dark- looking Corsican to 
 the presence of Bonaparte, ai.d took care to 
 hold the door open whilst the interview lasted. 
 When questioned by Bonaparte why he did 
 this, " Because," replied Kapp, " 1 don't put 
 much trust in your CorMcaiis." The blunt 
 remark caused much amusement. 
 
 FLATTETiERS OF NAPOLEON. 
 
 After Nafioleon's return from Austerlitz, 
 Denon presented him with silver medals il- 
 lustrative of his victories. The first repre- 
 sented a French eagle tearing an F.nglish leo- 
 pard. " What's this?" a.-iked the Kniperor. 
 Denon explained. " Thou rascally flatterer ! 
 You say that the French eagle crashes the 
 English leopard ; yet I cannot put a fishing- 
 boat to sea that is not taken : 1 tell > ou it is 
 the leopird th^.t strangles the eaj^le. Melt 
 down the medal, and never brii'g me s-uch 
 another." lie found similar fault with the 
 medal of Austerlitz. " Put Bai tie of Auster- 
 liiz on one side, with the date; the French, 
 Ku-sian, and Austrian e agh 3 on the other, 
 without distincti' n. Toscaity will distin- 
 guish the vanquished." 
 
 Bl.AVEUY. 
 
 Unter Sendling (Greber's Inn), a village 
 scarcely beyond the out-kins of JInnich, is 
 menioiable tor the bravery displdved by a 
 band of 5000 Bavarian peasants, who, during 
 the war ol' the Spanish Succession, in 1706, 
 descended from their native mountains, and 
 atiacktd the Austrian aimy, wi icli at th.a 
 time occupied Bavaria, lliey were literally 
 cut to pieces, and vanquished, after a siout 
 resistance, v. ith a lo.-s ot 30(i0 slain. A fresco 
 painting outside the cliun h commemorates 
 the event. The prir.cip .1 tif;ure represents 
 Bakhusar Mexr, the giijantic blacksmi h, of 
 Koci.el, who liad on the day previous slain 
 niiieieen of the en^ my with his own hand; 
 and now, sie ng tint all was lost, collected 
 thirty-seven mount linee^s, and, followed by 
 them, and attended by his two sons, devoted 
 liiniself to certain deith. He wields in 
 his hand a .»piked club, or morning-star, 
 with \shich he long kept his foes at bay, 
 until overpowered by two Hu garian bone* 
 men. 
 
 I 2 
 
 r- j^ 
 
 f^^(-
 
 116 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 )(^ THAT YOU MUST LOVE 3IE. AKD LOVE >nr DOG. 
 
 An exccllt'iit story to this moral is told of 
 Merry. ot'D^lla Cruscan memory. In tender 
 7outn, he luved nnd courteil a modest appa- 
 yuge to tlie opera, in truth a dancer, Wiio 
 bad won him by the artless contrast between 
 her nunners an;l .situation. Mic seantd to 
 him a n.itive violes that had been trans- 
 plaiittd hy some rude accident into that ex- 
 Otic and "artiticial hot-bed. Mor, in truth, 
 w-is .-^he I'-si s;enulne ai'd sincere than .she 
 appi ari'd to hini. He woced and wim this 
 dower. Only for appearance' sake, and for 
 due honour to the brideV relations, she craved 
 that she mij^lit hnve the atiendance of her 
 friinds and kindred at the appioacliing so- 
 Itmiii y. 'Ihe reque-t was too amiable not 
 til be conceded; and in this solicitude for ccn- 
 cili.itiiig the g.iod-will ot mere relations, he 
 fo'Mul .1 presage of her .superior attentions to 
 him elf, w!,en tlie gol.'en shaft should have 
 '•ki led in" flock of all attentions else.'' The 
 morning came ; and at the Star and Garter, 
 Eichmond — the place appointed for the 
 bieaUfa-ting — accompanied bv one English 
 frieu'l, he inipaliei tly awaited wliat rein- 
 forci mei.ts the bride should bring to grace 
 the ceremony. A rich mu-ter she had made. 
 They came in six coaches — the whole corps de 
 bullet — Krenc'i aiid Italian, men and wi men. 
 Moi.s eiir de B., the famoub ^;/>o«t'ffer of the 
 da}', led his fair spouse, but scraggy, from 
 the banks of the Se^ne. '1 he prima donna 
 had sent her excuse. But the first and 
 secim t buffa were there; and Signor Sc — , 
 and Signora Ch — , and Madame V — , with a 
 countless cavalcade besides of chorusers and 
 figurantes, at the sight of whom Merry after- 
 ■waids declared, that "then for the first time 
 it struik him serioii.-ly that he was about to 
 marry — a d. nicer. " IJut there was no lielp 
 for it. Besides, it was her day ; these were, 
 in fact, her friends and kinsfolk The as tm- 
 blage, ti ougli whimsical, was all very natu- 
 ral. But when the bride — iiandiiig out of 
 the last coach a still more extraiidiiiary 
 tigu'-e than the rest — presented to him as the 
 father — the gentleman that was to (jive Iter 
 awoi/ — :;o less a person than Signor Di Ipini 
 himself —with a sort of pride, as much a-> to 
 say, '• See what I have brought to do us 
 honnui !" — the thought of so extraordinary a 
 paternjtj' quite overcame him ; and, slipping 
 awav under some pretence from the bride 
 and iier niotlev adherents, poor i\lerry took 
 liorse from the back-yard to the nearest sea- 
 coast, from which, shipiung himself to Ame- 
 rica, he shortly afier consoled himself with a 
 more congenial match in the person of Miss 
 Bruntcn; rel eved from his intended clown 
 father, ai/d a lievy of painted butt'asfor bride- 
 maids. — Charles JLanib. 
 
 TYCHO brake's NOSK. 
 
 In the year loUt) an accident o curred to 
 Tyci'o Ihahp, at Wittenberg, whicli had 
 nearlv deiirjved him of liis life. On the lOtli 
 oi December, he was invited to a wedding- 
 feast; and, ani'tng other guests, there was 
 
 present a noble countryman of his own, 
 
 Manderupius Pasbergius. Some difference 
 having arisen between them on this occa- 
 sion, they parted with feelings of mutual 
 displeasure. On the '27th of the same month 
 tVev met again at some festive, ^ames, and 
 having revived their former quarrel, they 
 agreed to settle their differences by the 
 sword. They accordingly met at seven 
 o'clock in the evening of ttie 29th, and fought 
 in total darkness. In this blind combat, 
 Manderupius cut off the whole of the front 
 of Tycho's nose ; and it was fortunate for 
 astronomy that his more valuable c^rgans 
 were defended by so faithful an outpost. The 
 quarrel, which is said to have originated in a 
 differenc3 of opinion respecting their mathe- 
 matical altainniButs, terminated here; and 
 Tycho repaired hi^ lo.ss by cementing upon 
 his face a nose of gold and silver, which is 
 said to have formed a good imitation of the 
 original. 
 
 QUEEK HEKALDUY. 
 
 Sir Richard Steele, in his comedy of "The ^^ 
 Funeral ; or. Grief a la Mode," introduces the 
 servant of 3Ir. Sable, the undertaker, thus : — 
 
 "Sir, I had come s oner, but I went to | 
 the Heralds for a coat for Alderman Gather- ' 
 srease, that died last night. He has pro- 
 mit^ed to invent one against to-morrow." 
 
 Sable: "Ah, take some of our ei'^s; their 
 first thing after their death is t'l take care of 
 their birth. Let him bear a pair of stockings, 
 for he is the fiistof his family that ever wore 
 one." 
 
 THE TWO FRIENDS. 
 
 In 1723, Dr. Friend was confined in the 
 Tower, on suspicion of being concerned in 
 a plot for the restoration of the Stuart3. 
 Dr. Mead was incessant in his endeavours to 
 obtain Friend's liberation, but could only 
 with great difficulty gain access to him. At 
 length, being called to attend Sir Robert 
 Walpole, he absolutely refused to prescribe 
 for him unless Friend was released, and he 
 succeeded in obtaining his liberation. A 
 large party was assemiled at Mead's, in the 
 evening, to congratulate Friend ; and, upon 
 his retiring with Arbuthnot, Mead took 
 Friend into his closet, and tfere put into his 
 hands a bag containint; all the fees he had 
 received from Friend's patients during his 
 conlineraent, ainouuting to no less than 5000 
 guiueas- 
 
 CUKIOUS EPITAPH. 
 
 In Nichols's "History of Leicestershire,"' 
 is inserted the following epitaph to the me- 
 mory of Theophilus Cave, buried in the 
 chancel of the church of Barro»\-on Soar: — 
 " Here in this Grave there lies a Cave. 
 We call a Cave a Grave ; 
 If Cavo be Grave, and Grave be Cave, 
 Then reader, judge, I crave, 
 Whether doth Cave here lye in Grave, 
 Or 'Jrive here lye in Cave: 
 If Grave in Cave here bui-)-"d lye. 
 Then Grave, where is thy v ctorv ? 
 G"e, reader, and report here lyes a Cave, 
 Whoconquers death arid burye^hisown Cave."
 
 UAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 117 
 
 RAPriI,KnS*S ESCAPE FROM ELRA IN IS 11. 
 
 The position of Napoleon at Elba, within 
 sight of Itai^', and witliin a few days' sail 
 of France, was the n ost favourable that 
 could be imagined for carrying on intrigues 
 with both countries. A const int correspond- 
 ence was maintained with his relatives and 
 adherents, from many of whom he received 
 visits ; and a vast conspiracy was soon formed, 
 with its Centre in Paris, and ramified aniont; 
 the whole army and many of the civic func- 
 tionaries, having for its object his return. 
 The eagles and tricolor cockades were pre- 
 served with veneration by the soldiers; and 
 the rumour spread that " Pere la Violette,'' 
 the name employed to designate Napoleon, 
 would return in spring to chase away the 
 priests and emigrants. Murat, who began 
 to find hisch lUce of retaining his crown ex- 
 tremely precarious, entered warmly into the 
 plot. Sir Neil Campbell, the Bri"ti;^h com- 
 missioner, had no means of preventing, even 
 if he suspected, an intended escape; and on 
 the night of the 26th February, 1815, after 
 a brilliant fett given to the inhabitants of 
 Portu-Ferrao, Nupoleon embarked on board 
 the Inconstant brig, and failed, accompanied 
 by six smaller vessels, and 1100 men, for the 
 French coast. Twice on the voyage their 
 course was crossed by F>ench cruisers, but 
 no suspicion was excited ; and on the 1st of 
 March the expedition disembarked in the 
 Gult of St. Juan. 
 
 After an unsuccessful attempt to seduce 
 the garrison of Antibes, which was frustrated 
 by the firmness of the governor. General 
 Corsin, Napoleon marched on the mountain 
 road by Gap towards Grenoble, everywhere 
 received with open arms by the inhabitants, 
 wbo where mostly holders of national do- 
 mains, and strongly imbued with revolu- 
 tionary principles. lie here expected, ac- 
 oordirjg to previous arn-angement?, to have 
 been joined by Colonel Labedoyere and his 
 regiment, part of the garrison of Grenoble; 
 but on hisapproach (March 7) he found the 
 way barred by a body of troops not in the 
 secret, sent against him by the commandant - 
 general, Marchaiid. Instantly advancing 
 to the front, and exposing bis breast, he ex- 
 claimed to the ojiposing lanks, "liere is 
 your Emperor; if any one wculd kill 
 ine, let, him fire!" — words which, as by 
 an electric ."hock, awakened old .issociations 
 in the hearts of the soldiers. They 
 threw themselves at his feet, embracing 
 his knees with tears of joy ; the tricolor re- 
 appeared on every breast, and the whole de- 
 tachment ranged Itself with fer^'ent devotion 
 on his side. Labedoyere, meanwhile, csme 
 over with his regiment; Marchand, finding 
 that all was lost, quitted his post, and Napo- 
 leon entered Grenoble in triimiph, amid the 
 acclamations of the troops and people. Here 
 he formally resumed the sovereignty, by or- 
 dering that all publ c acts should henceforth 
 run in his name ; while his proclamations, 
 couched in the spirit of ancient oratory, 
 thrilled every heart with emotion. " Soldiers, 
 
 in my exile I have heard your voice I Come 
 and range yours-lvt-s under the standards of 
 youroUl chief, who was raised to \.\\f. throne 
 on your bucklers, and has no exist ciice but 
 in yours. Victory will marcl'. at the ciiage- 
 step ; the Eagle, with the national colours, 
 will tly from steeple to stejple, till it ..ligtits 
 on the towers of Notre Dame." — Alison. 
 
 GEORGE COLMAN's WIT. 
 
 Colnian and iiannister wvre dining one day 
 with Lord Erskine, the ex-Chancellor, who, 
 in the ccrurseof conversation on rural uti'iirs, 
 boasted that he kept on his pasture hnd 
 nearly a thousand sheep," I perceive, il en," 
 said Colman, "'your Lordship has still an eye 
 to the woolsack." 
 
 An old lady named Wall had been an 
 actress in a subordinate situation many sea- 
 sons iti the llaymarket Theatre, for whom 
 Colman, from early associations, appears to 
 have had a kind consideration. We o,u.si all 
 pay the debt of nature ; and, in due liii:e, the 
 old lailj' died. Somebody from the theatre 
 went to break the intelligence to Colman, 
 who, on hearing it, inquired "whttlier there 
 had been any blls ^tuck up!" The nus- 
 senger replied in the negative, and ventured 
 to ask Mr. Colman why he h :d put that 
 question? Colman answered, " They gene- 
 rally paste bills on a dead wall, don't 
 they ?" 
 
 Colman, himself no giant, was singularly 
 fond of quizzing persons of short statue. 
 Liston, and pretty little Mrs. Lislon, were 
 dinipg with him, and towards eveniiv, when 
 preparing to leave their host, Lislon said, 
 '•Come. Mrs. L., let us be going." "Mrs. 
 L. (ELL) indeed," exclaimed CVmau! 
 '■ Mrs. /nek you mean." 
 
 One day. "speaking of authorship as a pro- 
 fession, Colman said, "It is a very good 
 walking stick, but very bad crutches." 
 
 A Mr. Faulkener had been eiig^iged at the 
 Hay market, from a provincial t beat re, and 
 appeartdin acomedy, without producimrany 
 great sensation ; in fact, Colman was disap- 
 pointed with his new actor, who bad to de- 
 liver the following Hne, which he spoke in a 
 nasal tone — 
 
 " Ah ! where is my honour, now ?"' 
 
 Colman, who was behind the scenes, took a 
 hasty pirxh of snuft", and mutterec^, " 1 wish 
 i/niir honour was back at Newcastle again, 
 with all mj' heart." 
 
 Another aspirant for Thespian lionours 
 made his di'lmt at the Hayimrket The.iire, 
 in the character of Octavian, in the '• Moun 
 taineers." It was discovered very early in 
 the performance, that he bad undertaki-n a 
 ta-k for whi h he was unqualified. Colman 
 was in the green-room, and gr< wirig lidgety, 
 when the new ptrforn.er came to the lii e — 
 
 "I shall weep soon, and then I shall be 
 better." 
 
 " I'll be hung if yon will," said CohiiaD> 
 "if you cry your eyes out !"
 
 m 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 EFFECT OF MUSIC. 
 
 ^ A SiM)tch bag-piper, traversing the niouii- 
 lains of Ulster, in Ireland, was one evening 
 encountered by a starved Irish wolf. In his 
 distress, the jtoor man could think of nothing 
 better than to open his wallet, and try the 
 eft'ects of his hospitalitj'; lie did so, and the 
 savage swallowed all that wa.s thrown to him, 
 with so improving a voracity as if his appe- 
 tite was but ju,».t returning to him. The 
 whole stock of provision was, of course, soon 
 spent, and now his only res 'urce was to the 
 virtues of his bagpipe; which the monster 
 no snoner heard, than he took to the moun- 
 tains with the .=anie precipitation he had left 
 them. The poor piper could not so pfrfectly 
 enjoy his deliverance, but that, with an angry 
 looU, at parting, he slioik his head, saying: 
 ■" Ay, are these your tricks.'' Had I known 
 your humour, you should have had j'our 
 music before supper." 
 
 EURKE's fondness for CHILD'REN, 
 
 Burke was.soverj- partial to children, that 
 he would plaj' at teetotum and push-pin 
 with them; and, apparenily, take as nmch 
 delight, in the stories of "Jack the Giant- 
 kill* r," and "Tom Thumb," as themselves. 
 "Half an hour niiglit pass," fays Murphy, 
 " during which he would keep speakhig in 
 such a way that you could see no more iu 
 bim than an ordinary man, good-naturedlj- 
 amu;^ing his young auditor.s, when some ob- 
 servation or suggestion calling his attention, 
 a remark of the mi st profound witdom would 
 slip out, and he would return to his tee- 
 totum." It is related of him, that one d,ij-, 
 after dining with Fox, Sheridan, Lord John 
 T.iwnsend, and several other eminent men, 
 at Slie'idan's cottnge, he amused himself by 
 rapidly wheeling his host's little son round 
 the front garden, in a child's hand- chaise. 
 Whili' thus emplo} ed, the great orator, it is 
 added, evinced by his looks and activity' that 
 he enjoyed the sport nearly as much as his 
 delighted plaj'fellow. 
 
 AGED ACTRESS. 
 
 A f.irce called the " Half-pay OfEcer," by 
 Charles Mollo}', was brought out at Drury- 
 lane Theatre in 1720; and to Mrs. Fryer 
 (an Irishwoman, who had quitted the stage 
 from the reign of Charles II.) was assigned 
 tl^e p irt of an old grandmother. In the bills 
 it was mentioned — "The part of Lady Bich- 
 love to be performed bj' Peg Fryer, who has 
 not appeared on the stage these fifty j-ears." 
 The character in the farce was supposed to 
 be a verj' old woman, and Peg exerted her 
 atm( St abilities. The farce being ended, she 
 was brought again upon the stage to dance a 
 jig at 1 he age of 85. She came tottering in, 
 and St enied much fatigued ; but on a sudden, 
 the nm ic striking up the Irish trot, she 
 dance<l ai d footed it almost as nimbly as any 
 girl of 20. She afterwards kept a public- 
 hou.^e in the 'lottenham-court-road, where 
 I she resided until her decease, which took 
 j place in l^ovember, 1747, aged 117 years. 
 
 ^Ex;DE^•T choiob. 
 Shortly after tlje battle of Waterloo, it wa? X 
 proposed to make some change in the uni- 
 form of the Lift^ Guards; and George IV 
 ordered one of the soldiers to be sent for, who 
 was said to have slain six or seven French 
 officers in single combat. He was asked a 
 variety of questions, to each of which he 
 assented ; until the King, perceiving that the 
 soldier's opinion was biassed by the presence 
 of royalty and his own officers, said to him: 
 " W ell, if you were going to have such 
 another day's work as at Waterloo^ how 
 would you like to be dressed?" '' Please your 
 Majesty," he replied, "in that case I had 
 rather be in my shirt sleeves." 
 
 KDWARD EVERETT. 
 
 Mr. Everett's chief qualifications 83 an 
 orator, are a clear sweet voice, and a prodi- 
 gious memorj' ; his addresses are graceful, 
 high-toned, and flowing. Mr. Macautay has 
 produced many a gorgeous piece of historical 
 painting, but he has produced n(.thing more 
 impressive that Mr. Everett's desciij>tion of 
 the landing of the first English settlers 
 on the eastern coast of North America: — 
 "I see them escaped from these perils, 
 pursuing their all but desperate under- 
 taking, and landed at last, after a five 
 months' passage, on the ict-clad rocks of 
 Plymouth — weak and weary from their 
 voyage, poorly armed, scantily provisioned) 
 depending on the charity of their ship- 
 master (or a draught" of beer on board, drink- 
 ing nothing but water on shore — without 
 shelter — without means — surrounded by hos- 
 tile tribes. Shut now the V( lume of history, 
 and tell nic, on any principle of human pro- 
 bability, what shall be the fate of this hand- 
 ful of adventurers? Ttll me, man of military 
 science, in how m»ny months were they all 
 swept off by the thirty savage tribes eiiumu^ 
 rated within the early' limits of New.Enghujd? 
 Tell me, politician, how long did this shadow 
 of a colonv, on which your conventions and 
 treaties had not smiled, languish on the dis- 
 tant coast? Student of history, compare for 
 me the baffled projects, the deserted settle- 
 ments, the abandoned adventurers, of other 
 times, and find the parallel of this. Was it 
 the winter's storm, beating upon the house- 
 less heads of women and children ; was it 
 hard labour and spjre mo.ils; was it disease; 
 was it tlie tomahawk; was it the deep ma- 
 lady of a blighted hope, a ruined enterprise, 
 and a broken heart, aching iu its last 
 moments at the recollection of the loved and 
 left beyond the sea; was it some or all of 
 these united, that hurried this forsaken com- 
 pany to their melancholy fate? And is it 
 possible that neither of these causes, that.' 
 not all combined, were able to blast this bud 
 of hope? Is it possible ihit, from a tiegin- 
 ning so, feeble, so frail, so worthy, not so 
 much of admiration as of pity, tliere has 
 gone forth a proiiress so steady, a growth so 
 wonderful, a reality so important, a promise., 
 yet to be fulfilled so glorious?"
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 119 
 
 MATHKWS, A SPANISH AMBASSADOR. 
 
 Mathews once personated a Spanish Atn- 
 bass.idor ; a frolic enacted l)y liiiii at an inn at 
 Dartford. An account of the freak was written 
 by the late Mr. Hi:I, who took part in tlie 
 freak, acting as Mathews's interpreter. He 
 called if his " Rtcnllections of his Excel- 
 lency the Spanish Ambassador's visi: to 
 Captait) Selby, ou board the Prince Regent, 
 one of his M 'jetty's frigates stationed at the 
 Nore, by the Interpreter." 
 
 The pnrty hired a private coach, of large 
 capacity, and extremely showy, to convey 
 them to Gravesend as the suite of Mathews, 
 who pcTsonated an anibassaiicr from Madrid 
 to the English Government, and four Fmart 
 lads, who were entrusted wi;h the secret by 
 the payment of a liberal fee. The drivers 
 proved faithful to their promise. When they 
 arrived at the posting- house at D.irtfoid, one 
 of the dri-'ers dismounted, and communi- 
 cated to the innkeeper the character of the 
 nobleman (Mathews) inside the coach, and 
 that his mis ion to Loidon had been attended 
 •with the happiest result. Tht' report spread 
 through Dartford like wildfire, and in about 
 ten minutes the ci.rriage (having by previous 
 arrangem-nt been detained) wa^" s;irrounded 
 by at least two hundred |)cop!e, all with 
 cheers and grafulations anxiom to gain a 
 viewof the important personage, who, decked 
 out with nearly twenty different stage jewels, 
 representing sham ornors, bowed with obse» 
 guious dignity to the assembled multitude. 
 ft wa- settled that the pai tv sti uld dine and 
 sleep at the Falcon Tavern, Gravesend, wh're 
 a sumptuous dinner was provided for his Ex- 
 cellency and suite. Previously, however, to 
 dinner-time, and to heighten the joke, they 
 promenaded the town and its environs, fol- 
 lowed by a large assemblage of men, women, 
 and children at a respectful distance, all of 
 whom pres rved the greatest cl coram. The 
 interpreter (Mr. Hill) seemed to communi- 
 cate and explain to the amba^-i'idor whatever 
 was of interest in their yerambnlation. On 
 their return to the inn, the crowd gradually 
 dispersed. The dinner wus served in a sump- 
 tuous stylo, and two or three additional 
 waiters, diessed in their holiday clothes, were 
 hired for tlie occas'on. 
 
 The ambassador, by medium of his inter- 
 preter, asked for two soups, and a portion of 
 four different dishes of ti.-h, with oil, vinegar, 
 mustard, pepper, salr, and sugar, in the same 
 plate, which, apparently to the eyes of the 
 waiters, and to their utter astoniahment and 
 surprise, he eagerly devoured. The waiters 
 had been cautioned by one of the suite not to 
 notice the m;mner in which his Excellency 
 ate his dinner, lest it shoidd ofVeiid him ; and 
 their occasional absence from the roo r gave 
 Mathews or his companioi an opportunity of 
 depositing the incongruous medley in the 
 ashes under the grate — a large fire having 
 been provided. The ambas.sador continued to 
 mingle the remaining viands, during dinner, 
 in a similar heterogeneous way. The chamber 
 in which his Excellency slept was brilliantly 
 
 . illuminated with wax- candles, and m one 
 ! corner of the room a table was fitted up, nnder 
 the direction of one of the part}', to represtnt 
 an oratory, with sucii appropriate apparatus 
 as could best be procured. A private sailing- 
 barge was moored at the stairs by the fountain 
 early the next morning, to convey the ambas- 
 sador and his attendants to the Prince Repent, 
 at tha Nore. The people again assemble! in 
 vast multitudes to witness the embarkation. 
 Carpets were placed on the stairs at the water's 
 edge, for the stat€ and comfort of his Excel- 
 leni y ; who, the instant he entered the barge, 
 turnecl round and bade a grateful farewell to 
 the multitude, at the same time placing his 
 hand upon his bosom, and taking off his huge 
 cocked hat. The captain of the birge, a su- 
 premely illiterate good-humour<:d cockney, 
 was introduced most ceremoniously to the 
 ambassador, and purpo.^ely placed on his right 
 hand. It is impossible to da-cribe the variety 
 of absurd and extravagant stratagems prac- 
 tised on the credulity of the captain by 
 Mathews, and with c:insi/nmate success, until 
 the barge arrived in sight of the King's 
 frigate, which, by a previous understanding, 
 recognised the ambassador b}' signals. The 
 officrs were all dressed in full uniform, and 
 prepared to receive him. When on board, the 
 whole party threw off their disguises, and 
 were entertained by Captain Selby with a 
 splendid dinner, to which the lieutenants of 
 the ship were invited. After the banquf't, 
 Mathews, in his own character, kept the 
 company in a high stute of merriment by his 
 incomparable mimic powers for more "than 
 ten hours, incorporating with admirable effect 
 the entire narrative of the journey to 
 Gravesend, and his " acts and deeds " at f ha 
 Falcon. Towiirds the close of the feas*, and 
 about half an hour before the partj- took their 
 departure, in order to give the commander 
 and his officers a "touch of his quality," 
 Mathews assumed his ambassadorial attire, 
 and the captain of the barge, still in igno- 
 rance of the joke, was introduced into the 
 cabin, between whom and his Excellency an 
 indescribable scene of rich burlesque was 
 enacted. The party left the ship for 
 Gravesend at four o'clock in the morning — 
 Mathew-!, in his "habit as ho lived,'" with 
 the addition of a pair of spectacles, which 
 he had a peculiar way of wearing to conceal 
 his identity, even from the most aci:te ob- 
 server, Mathews again resumed his station 
 by the side of the captain, as a person who 
 had left the frigate for a temporary puipo'e. 
 The simple captain recounted to Mnth'ws 
 all that the Spanish ambassador had enacted, 
 both in his transit from Gravesend to the 
 Norc, and whilst he (the captain) was per- 
 mitted to join the f stive bo ird in the cabin, 
 with singular fidelity, and to the great 
 amusement of the original party, who, during 
 the whole of this ambassadorial excursion, 
 never lost their gravity, except when they 
 were left to themselves. They landed at 
 Gravesend, and from thence departed to 
 London, luxuriating upon the hoax.
 
 120 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 BP.EAKIVG OUT OF THE WAR BETWEEN 
 ENGLAND ANT) FRANCK IN 1803. 
 
 In 18fl2,Great Britain was tastint; the bless- 
 higsand tranquillity ot peace. Her industry and 
 finarjces prospered to an extraordinarj' degree : 
 the cess.itiiin of the income-tax conferred 
 comparative affluence on the middle classes ; 
 and the estinctl.)n uf tht- debt was confidently' 
 anticipated from the operation of the sinking 
 fund, now relieved fri'm the counteracting 
 operation of annual loans. But these flatter- 
 ing prospects were of short duration. Inde- 
 pendent of the jealousy felt in England at 
 the continental encroachments of Napoleon, 
 several causes of irritation soon grow up to 
 impair the good understanding of the two 
 governments. The tirst of these was the 
 a?perity with which the First Consul was 
 attacked in the English newspapers particu- 
 larly the French journals published in Lon- 
 don ; and so deeply was Napoleon stung by 
 these lampoons, that his minister in London 
 was ins'ructc'l to make a formal demand for 
 their suppri ssion ; and at the same tira-> to 
 require thai, the Bourbon princes resident 
 in England, as well as Georges Cadouhal and 
 his Chouan associptes, should be sent out of 
 the country. Thefp extravagant demands, 
 involvHig t'^e abaii-onment of the habeas 
 corpus and the liberty ot the press, were of 
 course refused ; and the fact of their having 
 been advanced, only shows Napoleon's utter 
 ignorance of the action of a free governmeit ; 
 but, to remove all grounds for complaint, an 
 action for a libel on the First Consul was 
 brought against Peltier, the editor of the 
 most obnoxious of the French journals. He 
 was found guilty, notwithstanding a spleidid 
 display of eloquence in his defen( e by Sir 
 James Mackintosh; but the breaking out 
 of the war prevented Lis being brought up 
 for jiii'gment. 
 
 But more important grounds of quarrel 
 were soon found to widen the bi'each. The 
 French insi-fed on the evaluation of Malta, 
 Egypt, and the Cape, to which the English 
 refused to accede til the stipulations of the 
 peace of Luneville had been fulfilled by 
 France: while the mission of Colonel Sebas- 
 tiani to the Levant, to inquire into the state 
 of Egypt and Syria, proved that the First 
 Con-ul was fir from having abandoned his 
 schemes of Ori.-ntal conquest. An angry 
 diplomatic correspondence ensued; and in an 
 interview with the British Ambassador, 
 Lord Witworth (Feb. 21, 1803), the wrath 
 of Napoleon broke out with unrestrained 
 violence. v\ itliout dp.nyin,' h'a designs on 
 Ejypt, which, be said,'"»!«sf sooner or later 
 belong to Fi-a^ce" he insisted on the insiant 
 evacuition of Malta as the only means of 
 preserving peace, and held out vehement 
 menaces of invading England in caj^e of a 
 renewal of war. "I know," he exclaimed, 
 "that myself and great part of the expedi- 
 tion will probably go to the bottom, but 1 am 
 
 determined to make the att-mpt 
 
 France, with an army of 48H,U00 men, and 
 England, with a fleet which is mistress of 
 
 the seas, might, if they understood each 
 other, govern the world, but by their strife 
 they will overturn it." Hostile preparations 
 were now commenced on both sides ; and a 
 message of the King to Parliament, in. 
 which the probability of war was alluded 
 to, produced a second ebullition of Napoleon 
 against Lord Witworth, in which the vehe- 
 mence of his temper lost sight of all re- 
 straints of courtesy or decency The nego- 
 tiations, however, were still kept open for 
 nearly two months; but Malta ou the one 
 hand, and Holland and Switzerland on the 
 other, proved insuperable obstacles to an 
 arrangement; and on the 12th May Lord 
 Witworth demanded his passports. The 
 declaration of war was followed, on the part 
 of Napoleon, by the arrest of all the En- 
 glish travelling in France, to the number of 
 above 10,000, mostly of the higher ranks — 
 an act of unnecessary barbarity, which he at- 
 tempted to justify by alleging the seizure of 
 some French merchant-vessels previous to 
 the formal declaration of war, but which 
 more than anything else exeit* d the subse- 
 quent inveterate hostility against him in the 
 public mind of England. — Alison. 
 
 bookseller's blunder. 
 One day, a physician alighted from his 
 carriage, and entering the shop of a medical 
 bookseller, inquired of its sleek- faced master, 
 "Whether h.^ had a copy of ' Heberden's 
 Commentaries ? ' " " No, sir," replied the 
 man of letters, -'but we have ' Coesar's Com- 
 mentaries,' and they are by far the best." 
 
 GILLRAY, THE CARICATURtST. 
 
 The facility with which Gillray composed 
 his subjects, and the rapidity with which he 
 etched them, astonished ihes'i who were cj'e- 
 witnessf-s of his powers. This faculty was 
 earl\' developed ; he seemed to perform all his 
 graphic operations without an eflfbrt. Many 
 j'eirs ago, he had an apartment in a court in 
 Holborn. A commercial agent for a print- 
 seller had received a commission to get a sa- 
 tirical design etchtd by Gilhay, but he had 
 repeatedly' called in his abst nee. He lived 
 at the west end of the town, and on his way 
 to tlie City Waited on him again, when he 
 happened to be at home. 
 
 " You have lost a good job and an useful 
 patron, Gillray," said he, "but you are 
 alA-avs out."' "How.? What — what is your 
 object.'" said the artisf. '• I want this sub- 
 ject drawn and etched," said the agent ; " but 
 now it is too late." "When is it wanted.'" 
 "Why, to morrow." "It shall be done." 
 "Impossible. Gillrav!'' "Where are you 
 going ?" " On ivard to the Bank." " When 
 do you return.'' " At four o'clock." It was 
 now eleven. " I'll bet you a bowl of punch 
 it shall be completed, etched, and bitten in, 
 and a proof liefore that lime.' "Done!" 
 The pla e was finished; it fontaine<l many 
 fig'iri s; th.e parties were mutually d lighted; 
 and tht- affdr ended with a tipsy bout at the 
 employer's expense.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 121 
 
 HABLOW'S PICTUHE OF THE " TRIAL, Of 
 QDEKN KATHICRINK. 
 
 This picture oiiginateil with Mr. T. Welsh, 
 the meritoriou*! proft-s-orof music, wiio com- 
 missioned Harlow to p:iint for him a kit-cat 
 size portrait of Mrs. Siddon,'!, in the character 
 of Queen Katlieriue in Shakspeare's play of 
 "Henry VIII.," ititr^ilucing a few if the 
 scenic accessories in tie distance. For this 
 portrait Harlow was tj receive twenty five 
 guineas ; but the idei of representing the 
 whole scfue occurred to the artist, who, with 
 Mr. Wei f', prevailed upon most of the actors 
 to sit fur tlieir portraits: in addi'ion to tiiese 
 are introduied portraits of the friends of both 
 partie-, including thrt artist himself. The 
 sum ul imateiy paid by i\Ir. Welsh was one 
 hundreil guineas; and a like sum was paid 
 by Mr. Crd^li, f.ir iltrlow's peimi-sion to en- 
 grave the well-kuDwii print. The panel upon 
 whicli the picture is pai^ited is stated to have 
 cost the artist £\b. 
 
 Concerning tins picture, we find the follow- 
 ing notice, liy Knoul s, in his "Lite of Fu- 
 seli :' — " In the i.-erfonnance of this work, he 
 (Harlow) owed many obligations to Fuseli 
 for his critical reui.arks; fur, when he first 
 saw the picture, chietly in dead-colouring, lie 
 said, ' I do not dir^approve of the general ar- 
 rangement of your work, and I see you will 
 give it a powerful , ffeci <'f light and shadow ; 
 but you have here a coniposiiion of more 
 than twentj' figures, or, I should ralher say, 
 parts of figures, hecuise you have not shown 
 one leg or foot, which makes it very defrct- 
 ivc. X'>«', if you do nut know bow tu draw 
 legs and feet, I will show you' — and, taking 
 up a crayon, he drew twn on the wainscot of 
 the nom. lljrluw profiled by these remarks ; 
 and the Dcxt time we saw the picture, the 
 whole arrangeme' t in the foreground was 
 changed. Fuseli then said, 'So far yuu have 
 done well ; but n 'W you have not introduced 
 a back ligure, to ihruw the eye of the spec- 
 tator into the picture.' And then pointed out 
 by what means he might inifirove it, in this 
 particular. Accordingly, Harlow introduced 
 the tAO boys who arc taking up the cushion." 
 
 It lias been stated that the majority of the 
 actors ill the sc-ne Sit for their portraits in 
 this pi ture. Mr. Kemlile, however, rei'u'ed, 
 when asked to ilo so l>y Mr. WeKh, strength- 
 ening his r. fusil wiih emphasis prolane. 
 Harlow was not lo be defeated, and he actu- 
 ally drew Mr Iv'mble's portrait, in one of the 
 stagc-b 'Xcsof Covent-Garden Theane, while 
 the great actor was plajing his part on the 
 Stage. I he vexation of such arwse to a mm 
 of Mr. Kembles temperament can better be 
 imagined ihan de.'cnbed; how it succeeded, 
 must be left to the judgment (f the re der. 
 Egerton, Pope, and S cphcn Kemble were 
 success. vtly painlid f'r Herny VHI., the 
 artist retaining the latter. The head of Mr. 
 Charles Kemble was likewise twice paimed : 
 the first, which cost Mr. C. Kemble many 
 sittings, «as consideied by himself and others 
 very successful. I he ariist thouv'ht other- 
 wise; and, contrary to Mr. Kemblts's wish 
 
 and remonstrance, he one morning painted 
 out tlie approved head : in a day or two, 
 however, entirely fmni recolleciion, Harlow 
 re-|;ainted the portrait with increa.sed fidelity. 
 ^Irs.Siddons belli her uplifted arm frequently 
 till she could hold it raised no longer, and 
 tlie majestic limb was finished from the arm 
 cf Mrs. Welsh. 
 
 A CLOSER. 
 
 " As somebody was saying yesterday at 
 ^Vhite■s," observed a man at the capital table 
 of the late Lord S , and wa.=! about to re- 
 late some thricp-told tale, when Lord 
 
 interrupted him with, " It" I wanted to know 
 wh.it any one said at White's I would go 
 there and hear it. I prefer something which 
 you both think and say yourself, or, at all 
 events, something new and original." 
 
 TYCHO BHAHE'S I.OVK OF THE MARVELI-OU.S. 
 
 The same disposition of mind which made 
 Tycho an astrologer and an alchemist, in- 
 spired him with a singuhr love of the mar- 
 vellous. He had various automata with 
 which he delighted to astonish thy pea- 
 sants; and by means of invisible bells, which 
 communicated with every part of bis esta- 
 lilishment, and ■which rung witli the gentlest 
 touch, he had great pleasure in bringing any 
 of his pupils suddenly before strang-rs, mut- 
 tering at a particular time the words "C mie 
 hither, Peter," as if he had commandid their 
 presence by some sujiernatural agency. If, 
 on leaving home, be met w ith an old woman 
 or a hare, he reiurned imnudiately to his 
 house. But the most extraordinary of all his 
 peculiarities remains to be noticed. When he 
 livt d at I'raniburg he maintained an idiot of 
 the name of Lep, who lay at his feet when- 
 ever he 5at down to dinner, and whom ho 
 fed with Lis o* n hand. Persuaded that his 
 mind, when moved, was capai le of foretel- 
 ling future events, T\cho caretuHv nuirked 
 everything he said, l.est it should be sup- 
 posed that this was done to no purpose, 
 Longomontanus relates that when any per- 
 son ill the island was sick, Lep never, v, hen 
 interrogated, failed to predict whether the 
 patient would live or die. It is stated al^o 
 in the letters of Worniius, both I o Gassendi 
 and Pcyter, that when Tycho was absent, 
 and his pupils became very noisy and merry 
 in consequence of not expecting him soon 
 home, llie idiot, who was present, e.xclaimi'd, 
 Junilter xaa laiidit (" Yuur master has ar- 
 rived'). On another occasion, when 'lycho 
 had sent two of his pupils to Ccpe'-h.iKen 
 on business, and iiad fi.xed the dav of their 
 return, Lep surprised him on that day while 
 he was at dinner, by exclaiming, " Uehuld, 
 j'liur pupils are bathing in the. sea." Tycho, 
 suspecting that tMey were shipwrecked, sent 
 some peison to the observatory to look for 
 their boat. The messenger bi ought back 
 word t'.;!t he saw some jiersons wet on the 
 shore, and in distress, with a bi at upset at a 
 gieat distance. These stories have been 
 given by Ga-sendi, and miy be viewed aa 
 specimens of the superstition of the age.
 
 Ig2 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 TOM HILL. 
 
 A few djys ere the year 1840 was con- 
 signed to the grave of time, the town lost 
 one of its choicest spirits, and humanity one 
 of her kindi;.-t-hearted sons — in the death of 
 Thomas Hill, Esq ; " Tom Hill," as hj was 
 called by all who loved and knew him. His 
 life exemplified one venerable proverb, and 
 disproved another : he was born in May, 
 1760, and was, consequently, in his 8Lst year, 
 and " as old as the hills ;" having led a long 
 life and a merry one. How be attained this 
 longevity is hard to tell ; but we are informed 
 that his hospitality was well-regulated ; that 
 he did not, like Bannister, sit up at nights to 
 watch his constitution ; but that he was a 
 remarkably early riser ; " and, perhaps, to 
 this cause may be attributed the cheerful 
 and green old age thst he enjoyed." So spe- 
 culates his biographer in Bodky^s Miscellany ; 
 but we incline rather to attiibute this rare 
 instance of convivial long life to Hill's gaiife 
 de cceur, to his healthy mind, and to the cur- 
 rent of benevoleiice that constituted his life- 
 blood, and the genial warmth of sentiment 
 that shone round his very heart. He enjoyed 
 the appellation of " the Merry Bachelor;" 
 but he was merry and wise. Yet his life was 
 chequered with adversity: it had its cares 
 and crosses : he was, for many years, exten- 
 sively engaged in business ^ but, about the 
 year 1810, having sustained a severe loss b^' 
 a speculation in indigo, he retired upon the 
 remains of his property to his chambers in 
 the Adelphi, wh-^re he died on December 20, 
 it is stated, from a severe cold taken in a 
 damp bpd at Rouen, during the autumn, 
 from which he never rallied. " He expired 
 without a struggle, breathing his last as if 
 falling into a tranquil slumber. His death 
 was bat the quiet repose of exhausted na- 
 ture ; but her wi rks were worn out, and 
 ceased to act. His physician's remark to 
 him was, ' I can do no more for you — I have 
 done all I can. I cannot cure age.' " 
 
 We need scarcely remind the reader that 
 Mr. Hill was the fl7ill of his friend, Mr. 
 Theodore Hook's cle\er novel of " Gilbert 
 Gnrney," bej-ond comparison the best book 
 of its class pro luced in our time. It is also 
 related that Hill furnished Mr. Poole with 
 the original of his humorous character of 
 Paul Pry; but this statement is very doubt- 
 ful, for Paul Pry, if we mistake not, is of 
 French extraction. It is, however, more 
 certain that " Pooh, pooh !" and other habi- 
 tual expressions of Mr. Hill's, maj* have been 
 introduced by Mr. Poole into the character. 
 " Mr. Hill," it may here be added, " had the 
 entree to both Houses of Parliament, the 
 theatres, and ahmst all places of public resort. 
 He was to be met with at the private view 
 of the Royal Academy, and every kind of 
 exhibition. So especially was he favoured, 
 that it was recorded by a wag, that, when 
 asked whether he had seen the new comet, 
 he replied, "Pooh, pooh! I was present at 
 the private view!" Mr. Hill, to borrow 
 from Mr. Hook's portrait, " happpne(l, tft 
 
 know everything that was going fdrward in 
 all circles — mercantile, political, fashionable, 
 literary, or theatrical; in addition to all 
 matters connected with militar}'- and naval 
 affairs, agriculture, finance, art, and science — 
 everything came alike to him." Such a man 
 was, of course, sure of success as a " col- 
 lector" of literary cuiio^^ities. Even while in 
 business as a dr^ Salter at the unlettered 
 Queenhithe, he (bund leisure to accumulate a 
 fine collection of old books, chiefly old poetiy, 
 wliich afterwards, wh.;n misfortunes overtook 
 him, was valued at six thous-ind pounds! 
 Hill was likewise a Macsenas: he patronised 
 two friendless poets — Bloonifield and Kirke 
 White. The " Farmer's Boy " of the former 
 was read and admired by him in manu- 
 script, and was ri-commended to a publisher; 
 after which. Hill rendered very essential 
 service to its success by talking in society of 
 its merits. Mr. Hill established, also. The 
 Monthly Mirror, which brought him much 
 into connexion with dramatic poets, actors, 
 and managers. To this periodical work, 
 Kirke White became a contributor ; and this 
 encouragement induced him, about the close 
 of the 3'ear 1802, to commit a little volume 
 of poetry to the press. Mr. Soulhev, in his 
 " Life of Kirke White," refers to Mr. Hill as 
 possessing one of the mist copious collections 
 of English poetry in existence. 
 
 THE LATE GEORGE COLMAN'. 
 
 On the first appearance of Colman at Court, 
 as Lieutenant of the Yeoman of the Guard, 
 George IV. turn-^d to the Dr.ke of Wel- 
 lington, gold stick in waiting, and remarked, 
 " George Ccjlman puts me in mind of 
 Pam." " If that is 1 he case," exclaimed Col- 
 man. "the only difference between the Duke 
 of Wellington and me is, that I am the hero 
 of Loo — he of Water-loo." 
 
 A PUTCnMAN'S TESTIMONY. 
 
 " I will tell you, such is the powers of de 
 Shakspeer, that I vunce saw de plays arcted 
 in Anglish languish, in Holland, where der 
 was not vun persons in all de house but 
 myself could understond it ; yet dare was not 
 a persons in all dat house but vat vas in tears, 
 dat is, all crying, blowing de nose, and veep 
 very mouch — couldn'c onderstond ■\Tin vurd 
 of the play, jet all veeping. Such was de 
 powers of du Shakspeer." 
 
 KOYAL MATCH-JIAKING. 
 
 When the present King of the Belgians, 
 after an absence of some j'ears, paid a vi>it to 
 his former friend, the Duke of Orleans 
 (Louis Philippe), his Majesty of the Fr nch 
 said to him, " Well, now, you will want a 
 wife. I have three charming girls. My 
 Louisa is fair and flaxen ; my Marie is brown, 
 and black-haired ; my Clementine is, perhaps, 
 too young for j'ou : but jou shall see them 
 all, and it is a hard thing indeed if one will 
 not please j'ou." He was not long before he 
 made his choice, and the fair and sweet 
 Lowisa soon became Queen of the Belgians.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 123 
 
 WOOL -OATH K 1 11 so. 
 
 A very patriotic landlord, Squire Henry, 
 of StrafFan, county of Kikiare, had hit on an 
 expedient to benefit ttie wool-growers in ge- 
 neral, and his numerous tenantry in particu- 
 lar. Knowing that market value is in the 
 direct ratio of demand and scarcity, ne an- 
 nually buried the wool shorn from his own 
 .sheep, lest it might interfere with the pro- 
 fitable sale of his tenants' fleeces. But, alas ! 
 this generous system of self-sacrifice did not 
 work well The result was — thuugh Squire 
 Henry never suspected the existence of such 
 turpitude in the human heart — the ungrate- 
 ful tenantry dug up by night what he buried 
 b}' day ; wool never rose in price, and ihey 
 never were able to pay up their suieais of 
 rent 
 
 foote's envy. 
 - Foote could not bear to see anybody or 
 anything succeed in the Haymarket but him- 
 self and his oaiu writings, and forgot that a 
 failure of the new scheme might possibly 
 endanger the regular paymentof his annuitv. 
 His pique broke out aometimts in downright 
 rudeness. One miirning he came hopping 
 upon ihc stage during the rehearsal of the 
 "Spanish Barber," then about to be pro- 
 duced ; the performers were busy in that 
 scene of the piece when one servant is under 
 the influence of a sleeping draught, and 
 another of a sneezing powder. " Well," said 
 Foote drily to the manager, " how do you go 
 on?" " Pretty well," was the answer; " but 
 I cannot teach one of these fellows to gape as 
 he ought to do." " Can't 3'ou ?" replied 
 Foot*-, " then read him your la^t comedy of 
 ' The Man of Business,' and he'll yawn lor a 
 month," 
 
 On another occasion, be was not less coarse 
 though more laughaijle, to an actor, than he 
 had been to the manager. This happened 
 when Diggcs, of much celebrity out of Lon- 
 <li>n, and who had come to town from Edin- 
 burgh, covered with Scotlisii laureb, made 
 •his first appearam-e in the Haymarket. He 
 had studi*^d the aniiquited style iif acting; 
 in short, he was a tine bit of old stage-buck- 
 ram, and Cato was therefore selected for his 
 first essay. He "discharged the character " 
 in the same cjstume as it is to be supposed 
 wa.s adopted bj' Booth, when the play was 
 originally acted ; that is, in a .shipe, as it was 
 technically termed, of the stitfest order, de- 
 corated with gilt h-ather upon a black ground, 
 with black stockings, black gloves, and a 
 powdered periwig. Foote had planted him- 
 self in the pit, when Digges stalked on be- 
 fore the public thus formidably accoutred. 
 The malicious wag waited till tlie customary 
 round of applause had subsided, and then 
 ejaculated, in a pretended under-tone, loud 
 _ ough to be he^rd by all around him, "A 
 r> 'an chimney-sweeper on May-day ! " 
 The.U "Sb'^"^ which this produced in the pit 
 1UOC J^, '*oh to knock up a di-hatant, and it 
 Startled ti ^ stager personating the .stoic 
 
 of Utica • th ^*''*^«' '«!^ irresi-stibly funny. 
 
 but Foote desci 
 
 •ved to be kicked out of the 
 
 liouw for his cruelty, and his insolence in 
 mingling with the audience for the purpose 
 of disconcerting a brotiker actor. 
 
 COLONEL Mi-LLISH. 
 
 The star of the raci-cour--e of modem 
 times was the late Colonel .Mellir^h, ceriainly 
 the cleverest man of fiis day, as regards the 
 science and practice of the turf. No one 
 could match (i. e. mai^e matches) with him, 
 nor could any one excel him in han.'iicaping 
 horses in a race. But, indeed, "nihil erat 
 quod non tetigir ; nihil quod teti^it non or- 
 navit." He beat Lord Frederick Bentinck 
 in a foot-race over Nev/market Heaih. He 
 was a clever painter, a fine horseman, a brave 
 soldier, a scientific farmer, and an exquisite 
 coaciiraan. But — as his friends said of him 
 — not content wiih being the secoiid-bi-st man 
 of his day, he would be the Jimt, which was 
 fatal to his fortune and his tame. It, how- 
 ever, delighted us to see him in public, in 
 the meridian of his almo.^t unequalled popu- 
 larity, and the impression he inaile upon us 
 remains. We remember cveii the style of 
 his dress, peculiar for its lighti ess of hue — 
 his neat white hat, white trousers, white .^ilk 
 stockings, ay, and we may add, his white, 
 but handsome, fice. Ihere was nothing, 
 black about him but his hair, and his mus-. 
 tachios which he wore by virtue of his com- 
 mission, and which to him were an ornament. 
 The like of his style of coming on the race- 
 course at Newmarket was never witnessed 
 there before him, nor since. He drove his 
 barouche himself, drawn by four beautiful 
 white horses, with two outrider.s on matchea 
 to them, ridden in harne.^s bridles. In his 
 rear was a saddle-horse groom, loading a 
 thorough-bred hack, and at the ruboing-post 
 on the heath was another giooiU — all in 
 crimson liveries — waiting with aseconi liack. 
 But we marvel when we think of his esta- 
 blishment. We reuiember him with thirty- 
 eight race-horses in training, ieventeen 
 coach-horses, twelve hunters in Leicester- 
 shire, four c!;argers at Brightim, and not a 
 few hacks ! But tJis wor.st is yet to come. 
 By his racing speculations he was a gainer, 
 his judgment pulling lain through ; but when 
 we heard that he would jday t > the extent 
 of X^10,000 at a silting — ye.s, he once stalled 
 that sum on a throw — we were not surprised 
 that the domain of Blythe passed into other 
 hands; and that the once accomplished 
 owner of it became the tenant of a premature 
 grave. "The bowl of pleasure (says John- 
 son) is poi.soned liy reflection on ih< cost," 
 and here it was drunk to the dregs. Colonel 
 Mellish ended l:is day.s, not in poverty, for 
 he acquired a comiietency with his la^ly, but 
 in a small hou.se wiiliiu sight of the mansion 
 that had been the pride of his ancestors and 
 himself. As, however, the wind is tempered 
 to the shorn lanil>. Colonel Mellish was not 
 without consolation. He never wronged any 
 one but himself; and, as an owner of race- 
 horses, and a bettor, his character was with- 
 out spot. — X(mrod.
 
 ^24 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 CITY TOASTING. 
 
 In the ^ttic Miscellany for October. 1790, 
 is the tollowing anecdote; viz. "Alter a 
 splendid ilinnei, one day I'ast year, at the 
 Loiuion Tavern, the chairmni ijave tie usual 
 toast of ' The Adelphi,' in allusion to the 
 Royal brothers; when a certciin knight, who 
 was presi^nt, wh«n it came to his turn to give 
 a toast, said with great gr;ivi'y, ' Mr. Chair- 
 man, as we are giving puMic buildings, I'll 
 give you my house at Taunton ! '" 
 
 OLD SQUIBS. 
 
 Richard Bentley and Ciiarles Boyle (Earl 
 of Orrery) had a warm dispute relalive to the 
 genuineiiess of the Giet-k Epistles of Pha- 
 laris, an editinn of which was published by 
 the latter. Beiiilry was victnrious, though 
 he was kr-pt in hot water by the c-jtics and 
 wits of the age. Dr. Garth assailed him 
 thus : — 
 
 " So diamonds owe a lustre to their foil, 
 And to a Bentlci/ "tis we owe a Boyle." 
 
 Conj-ers Middleton was a sad thorn in Bent- 
 ley's S'de, from the latter having called the 
 form r, when a young studei.t in the Univer- 
 sity, fdiUing C 'nyers, because he played on 
 the violin. A punning caricature represented 
 Bentley abnui to be thrust into the brazen 
 hull of Phal II is, and (xclaiming, " I had ra- 
 ther be roasted than Boyled."' 
 
 HANUEl/S Ml'SIC. 
 
 During the la'ter part of Handel's life, 
 about the year 1753, in the Lent season, a 
 minor canon from the cathedral of Gloucester 
 proffered his services to Handel losing. His 
 olFer was a cejited, a'ld he was emploj'ed in 
 the choruses. Not sttisfied with this depart- 
 mi nt, be i> quested leave to sing a solo air, 
 that his voice might be h^ard to more ad- 
 vantage. This request was also granted ; 
 but he executed his sulo so little to the satis- 
 faction of the au<1ience, that he was, to his 
 great mortirication. violently hissed. When, 
 the pi'rformance was over, b}' way of consola- 
 tion, Handel made him the following speech: 
 — '• I am very sorry, verv sorry for j-ou, 
 indeed, mj* dear sir; but go back to j-our 
 church in de country. God vill furgive j-ou 
 for your had singing; dese wicked people in 
 Lonil in, de}' vill not fo^'give you." 
 
 While Mar_\lehone Gardens were flourish- 
 ing (s-iys Mr. Sniith), the enchanting mu^ic 
 of llandel, and probably of Arne, was often 
 heard fiom the orchestra there. One even' 
 ing. as my grandiather and Handt-l were 
 walking together and alone, a new piece was 
 struck up b}' the band. "Cume, Mr. Foun- 
 tayiie," said liandel, " let us sit down and 
 listen to this piece; I want to know 3'our 
 opi'iion of it."' Down th.ey sat, and, afier 
 some time, Mr. Fountayne, the old parson, 
 turnintr to his cumpinion, said, "It is not 
 wo'th listening to ; i is very poor stuff." 
 "You are right, Mr. F.uniayne," said Han- 
 dtl, '"it is very pDor stuff; I thought so 
 myself, when I had finished it." The old 
 
 gentleman, being taken by surprise, was 
 beginning to apologise, but Handel .assured 
 him there was no necessity ; that the music 
 was really bad, having been composed has- 
 tilv, and his time for the production being 
 limited ; and that the opinion was as correct; 
 as it was honest. 
 
 NOBLES OF JOHANNA. 
 
 We had long been aware that the poten- 
 tates of the Guinea coast not only assume 
 English titles, but wear under, or in jilace of, 
 diadoins the cast-off wigs of our Lord Chan- 
 cellors; but we were nut prepared tor wliat 
 follows in the latitude ot the Mozimbique 
 Channel, as related by Capt. B isil Hall : — 
 
 " We proceeded to our guide's housc', where 
 he introduced us, not indeed to his vaves, 
 for all those ladies were stowed away behind 
 a screen of mats, but to some of the males of 
 hi.s lamily, and, amongst others, to a queer, 
 copper -coloured gentleman, who styled hint- 
 self, in his communications with us, 'the 
 Duke of Devonshire,' and begged very hard 
 to be allowed the honour of having our linen 
 to wash. His Grace was a little dumpy fel- 
 low, who stooped considerably, wore ntither 
 shoes nor stockings, and exhibited so little 
 of a nose, that when }'ou caught his counte- 
 nance in profile, the facial line, as the phy- 
 siognomists call it, suffered no interruption 
 when drawn from the brow to the lips. The 
 poor Duke little knew the cause of the laugh- 
 ter which his occupation, title, and the con- 
 trast of looks, excited in those of our party 
 who had seen his Grace's noble namesake in 
 the opposite hemisphere. 
 
 '• Most of the natives of Johanna, even the 
 negro slave«, tail: a little English ; but the 
 best examples of such acquirements were 
 found, where tliey ought to be, amongst the 
 grandees of the island. The following is a 
 fair specimen of the conversation of the dukes 
 and earls at the capital of the Comoros : — 
 'How do you do, sir? Very glad see you, 
 d — n your eyes! Johanna man like English 
 very nuich. God d — n! That very pood? 
 Eh? Devilish hot, sir! What news? Hope 
 j-our ship stay too long while, very. D — n 
 ni}' eye! Very fine daj'.' After which, in 
 a sort of whisper, accompanied by a most in- 
 sinuating smile, his lordship or his grace (as 
 the rank of the party might be) would add, 
 'You want orange? You want goat — cheap? 
 I got good, verj-. You send me you clothes ; 
 I wash with my own hand — clean! fine! 
 very. I got everything — plent}', great, much ! 
 God d — n ! ' And thtn, as if to clench the 
 favourable opinion which these eloquent ap- 
 peals had made, the speaker was sure to pro- 
 duce a handful of certificates from mates of 
 Iiuliamen, masters of Yankee brigs, and mid- 
 dies of men-of-war; some written in solera'' 
 earnest, some quizzically, but all dtclar 
 
 his lordship, the bearer, to be a pretty 
 
 good 
 
 washerman, but the sort of person iir ° , 
 trusted far out of sight, as he would -"^ ^ , 
 walk off with your clothes-bag '' . 1:® '''"^ 
 safely do so." ^ -^ he could
 
 IIAILVVAY ANECL>OTE BOOK. 
 
 i2i 
 
 " HOPE TOI-D A FI-ATTEKING TALE." 
 
 Dr. VValcot and Madame Mara were on 
 terms of the greatest intimacy. He wrote 
 the son'^ of " Hope Told a Flatteririj; Tale" 
 expressly for her, and she sang it for the 
 first time at one of her own benetits. The 
 next drtv ^he sold the manuscript. The Dr 
 had already done tlie same, and the two pur- 
 chasers, after a long dispute, which neither 
 had the powi^r to settle, agreed to wait on 
 Mara, anil solicit her interlerence. She con- 
 sented, and, as she was going in seirch of 
 Dr. Walcot, he happened to cross her path 
 in the Haymarket. He had already heard 
 of the circumstance, and, lil\e the prima 
 donna, was not disponed to refund the money 
 he liad received. " Wliat is to be done?" 
 said Mara. "Cannot you say you were in- 
 toxicated when you sold it ? " " Cam ot y<ai 
 say tlie same of yours'ii ?" repli. d the sati- 
 rist ; '• one story would be believed as soon 
 as the other." 
 
 CUMRAN AND THE FAHMER. 
 
 A farmer itttcnding a fair with a hundred 
 pounds in his pocket, took the prtcaution of 
 depositing it in the hands of the landlord 
 of the public-house at which he slopped. 
 Having occasion for it shortly afterwards, he 
 resorted to mine host for the bailment ; but 
 the landloril, too deep for the countrymim, 
 wondered what hundred was meant, and was 
 quite sure no siicii sutn had ever been lodged 
 in his hnnds by the astonislied rustic. Afier 
 ineffectual appeals to the recollection, and 
 finally, to the honour of Bardolph, the farmer 
 applied to Curran f.r advice. " Have pa- 
 tience, my fiiend,'' said the coun.sel ; "speak 
 to the landlord civilly, and tell him you are 
 convinced you must have left your money 
 ■with Some other person. Take a friend with 
 you, and lodge with him another hundrel in 
 the precence of your friend, and then come 
 to me." We must imagine and not commit 
 to paper the vociferations of the honest dupe 
 at such advice. However, moved by th* 
 rheti-ric or authority of the worthy counsel, 
 he followed it, and returned to his legal 
 friend. "And now, sir, I don't see as I'm to 
 be bettor otf for this, if I get my second hun- 
 dred again : but how is that to be done?" 
 "Go and ask him t'n- it when he is alotre," 
 said the counsel. "Ay, sir; but asking 
 won't do, I'ze afr lid, witliout my witness, at 
 any rate." Never mind, take my advice," 
 said the counsel : " do as I bid you and re- 
 turn to me." The farmer returned with his 
 hundred, glad, at any rate, to lind that sale 
 again in his possi-ssion. " Now sir, I sup- 
 pose I must be contewt; but I don't see as 
 I'm much better off." " Well, then," said 
 the counsel, " now take your friend with you, 
 and ask the landlord for the hundred pounds 
 your fiiendsawyou leava with him" We 
 need not add, that the wily landlord found 
 that he had been taken oft" his guard, while 
 our honest friend returned to thank his 
 counsiel exultingly, with both hundreds in 
 bis pocket 
 
 HIP, m>', hukea! 
 During the siirrmg times of th? Crusades, 
 the cliivalry ot Europe was excited to arms 
 by the intiammatory appials of the well- 
 known Peter the Herniii. While preaching 
 thecrusade, this fu ious zealot was accustomed 
 to exhibit a banner, inihlazomd with the 
 following letters, H.E.I'., tlie initials of the 
 Liiiii words " Hierosi/lma tst perdita' (Jeru- 
 salem is destroyed). Tlie people in some of 
 the countries wbicli he visited not being ac- 
 quainted witii the Latin, read and pronounced 
 tlie inscription as if oi.e word — hec. The 
 followers of the Hermit were accustomed 
 (whenever an unfortunate Jew appeared in 
 the streets) to raise the crj-, " Hep Lep, 
 hurra!" to hunt him down, and flesh upon 
 the defenceless Israelite their maiden swords, 
 before the}- essayed their temper with the 
 scimetar of the Saracen. 
 
 THE SEPTEMBER M.\S&,^CRESOF THE FRENCH 
 REV.iLUTIO.N OF 179J. 
 
 At two in the nioining of "iiid September, 
 the city drums were beai ostensibly for the 
 march of the Parisian battalions to reinforce 
 the armies of the frontier. It was the con- 
 certed signal of massacre; ;;nd the chosen 
 assassins, liberally supplied Avith money and 
 spirits, and harangued by liobespierre, Billaud 
 Varennes, aiid CoUot d'Uerbois, were 
 speedily icady for every atrocity. The Ab- 
 baye was the prison tirst attacked, the vic- 
 tims, seized separately, were dra'jged before 
 an inexorable tribunal, and turned out among 
 the murderers in the court, through whose 
 repeated blows they were compelled to run 
 the gauntlet till they exp red — while the 
 multitude, among whom were a vast number 
 of women, dancd like cannibals round their 
 mangled corpses. Similar niassacres took 
 pi ice in all the other prisons: in tliat of the 
 Cannes, the venerable Archbishop of Aries 
 was slaughtered, with more tlian 200 clergy. 
 The Princess de Laiiibclle, who w;\s a prisoner 
 in La Petite Force, was torn to piecis, and 
 her head with the fragments of her body, 
 paraded before the window of the Duke of 
 Orlean.s who rose from dinner to enjoy the 
 ghastly spectacle. Above oOdO persons pe- 
 rished in the various prisons during thi:^ 
 dreadful scene of carnage, which continued 
 uninterrupted from the 2iid to the tJlh of 
 Se|)tem'3er. Even the felons in the I'>i. ctre. 
 whose offences had no political cbaricter, 
 were massacred in the indiscriminate thirst 
 for blood, which only ceased when no more 
 victims could be found. The conti^cation of 
 the whole etl'ects of the slaughtereil raptives, 
 and of the property of the emigrants, which 
 was sold at the same lime, becanie the source 
 of immense wealth to the municipality; but. 
 no account could ever be obtained either or 
 the amount or disposal of this enormous 
 plunder. The jewel-otlice in the Tuilleries 
 was also pillaged one night, and the costly 
 ornaments of the crown disappeared for ever 
 but it was never known into whoso hand* 
 most of the jewel« fell. — Alis'u.
 
 J26 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK 
 
 Pt)KT -WlNiS AND PARALYSIS. 
 
 iVdm Mr. Savor}', formerly of Bond-street, 
 we remember to have heard an account, 
 several jears ago, of a friend of hi?, a 
 Baronet, well known in the gay world, 
 having been seized with paralj'sis, and find- 
 ing himself, on his return from a convivial 
 party, suddenly deprived of speech and power 
 of moving one side ot his body. Either from 
 feelings of desperation, or an impulse of 
 mental aberration, the gentleman had a bottle 
 of port-wine brought to his bed-side, and 
 having finished it, he turned with great com- 
 posure on his side and went to sleep. That 
 gentleman lived long after, his intelKct 
 Wholly unimpaired, his speech restored, and 
 his general health as good as it ever was; 
 and he long discussed his bottle or two of 
 port v^ine with apparent impunity 
 
 TURNING THE GRIXDSTONK. 
 
 Dr. Franklin relates the following amusing 
 illustration of the comjnon cunning of men 
 turning their fellows to account : — " When I 
 was d little boy, I remember one cold win- 
 ter's morning I was accosted by a smiling 
 man with an axe on his shoulder: 'My 
 pretty boy,' said he, ' has your father a 
 grindstone ? ' ' Yes, sir,' said 1. ' You are a 
 fine little fellow,' said he, ' will j-ou let me 
 grind m^' «xe on it? ' Pleased with his com- 
 pliment of ' fine little fellow,' ' O 3es, ;ir,' I 
 answered, 'it is down in the shop.' 'And 
 will you, my man,' said he, patting me on the 
 head, 'got a little hotwatfr?' How could 
 I refuse? Iran and soon brought a kettle- 
 ful. ' How old are you, and v/hat 's your 
 name?' continued he, without ivaiting for 
 a reply ; ' I am sure you are one of toe finest 
 fellows that ever I have seen ; will you just 
 turn a few minutes for me?' Tickled with 
 the liattery, like a fool, I went to work, and 
 biiterly did I nie the day. It was a new 
 axe, and I toiled and tugged till I was almost 
 tired to death. The school-bell rang, and I 
 could not get away : my bands were blis- 
 tered, and it was not half ground. At 
 length, however, the axe was sharpened, and 
 the man turned to me with 'Now, 3'ou little 
 rascal, you've played the truant; scud to 
 school, or you'll rue it.' Alas ! thought I, it 
 was hard enough to turn a grindstone this 
 cold day, but now to be called a little rascal 
 was too much. It sank deep into my mind, 
 and often have I thought of it since. When 
 I see a merchant over polite to his customers 
 — beggii g of them to take a little brandy, 
 and throwing his goods on the counter — 
 thinks I, that man has an axe to grind. 
 When I see a man flattering the people, 
 making great professions of attachment to 
 liberty, who is in private life a tyrant, nie- 
 thinks, liok out, good people, that lellow 
 would set you turning grindstones. When I 
 see a man hoisted into ofiSce by part}' i^pirit, 
 without a single qualification to render him 
 either respectable or useful, alas! methinks, 
 deluded people, you are doomed for a season 
 to turn the grindstone for a booby." 
 
 A COMMON CASE. 
 
 " Doctor," said a person once to a surgeon, 
 "my daughter has had a terrible fit this 
 morning: she continued full half an hotu- 
 without knowledge 01 understanding." -'Oh," 
 replied the doctor, " never mind that; many 
 people continue so all their lives." 
 
 LOVE AND MADNESS. 
 
 About the year 1 780, a young East Indian, 
 whose name was Dupree, left his Father- 
 land to visit a distant relation, a merchant, 
 on Fish-street Hill. During the young man's 
 stay, he was waited on by the servant of the 
 hou-^e, a country-girl, Rebecca Griffiths, 
 chiefly remarkable for the plainness of her 
 person, and the quiet meekness of her rnan- 
 ners. The circuit of pleasure run, and yearn- 
 ing again for home, the visitor at length 
 prepared for his departure : the chaise came 
 to the door, and shaking of hands, with ten- 
 derer Sdlutations, adieu?, and farewells, fol- 
 lowed in tiie usual abundance. Rebecca, in 
 whom an extraordinary depression had for 
 some days previously been perceived, was in 
 attendance, to help topsck ihe luggage. The 
 leave-taking of friends and relations at 
 length completed, with a guinea squeezed 
 into his humble attendant's hand, and a brief 
 " Goii bie;s you, Rebecca!" the young man 
 sprang into the chaise, the driver smacked 
 his whip, and the vehicle was r 'lling rapidly 
 out of sight, when a piercing shriek from 
 Rebecca, who had stood to all appearance 
 vacantly gazing on what had passed, alarmed 
 the family, then retiring into the house. 
 They hast.ly turned round: to their infinite 
 surprise, Rebecca was seen wildly following 
 the chaise. She was rushing with the velo- 
 city of lightning along the middle of the 
 road, her hair streaming in the wind, and her 
 whole appearance that of a despetate maniac ! 
 Proper persons were immediately dis- 
 patched afier her, but she was not secured 
 till she had gained the Borough; when she 
 was taken in a state of incurable madness to 
 Bethlem Hospital, where she some } ears after 
 died. The guinea he had given her — her 
 richest treasure — her only wealth — she never 
 suffered, during life, to quit her h:mJ: she 
 grasped it stiil more firmly in her dying 
 moments, and at her request, in the last 
 gleam of returning reason — the lightning 
 before death — it was buried with her. There 
 was a tradition in Bedlam, that through the 
 heartless ci'-pidity of the keeper, it was sacri- 
 legiously wrenched from her, and that her 
 ghost might be seen every night, gliding 
 through the dreary cells of that meiaucholj- 
 building, in search if her lover's gift, and 
 mournfully asking the glaring maniacs for 
 her lo-t guinea. 
 
 It was Mr. Dupree's only consolation, j^fter 
 her death, that the excessive homeliness of 
 her person, and her retiring air and manners, 
 had never even suffered him to indulge in the 
 most trifling freedom with her. She had 
 loved hopelessly, and paid the forfeiture with 
 seiise and life. 
 
 1
 
 RAILWAY ANECD(3TE BOOK. 
 
 127 
 
 marmostkl's ifRIKSns. 
 Of his editorship of Le Mercure, Marmor.tt-l 
 'has preserved some very amusing reminis- 
 cences. In his undertaking, which he con- 
 sidered arduous, he was sometimes assis'ed 
 bv a few friends, of two of whom he speaks 
 nearly in the fullnving terms: — "At a 
 jeweller's who hved in the Place Dauphiiie', 
 r often dined with two poets of the old Ope'ra 
 Comiqu.', whose talent was mirth, and who 
 were never so well in tune as when under a 
 vine at a gumgttte (lea gardens). Tlieir 
 happiest state was in being intoxicated; but, 
 before getting so, they had moments of in- 
 spiration which made me think of what Ho- 
 race says of wine. One, wliose na'ne was 
 Galet, passed for a ■eauricn (worthless t'el- 
 low) ; 1 never saw him but at table, and I 
 only speak <f hi:n from his being connected 
 with Panard, who was a good man, and 
 whom I loved. However, this vmtrkn was 
 •an original worth knowing ; he was a grocer 
 of the Rue des Lombard, s, more attentive to 
 the theatre than to his shop, and w^as ruined 
 -when I knew him. He was dropsical, but 
 did not dririk the less, and wa-i as jovial us 
 ever; he cared as little about death as he did 
 about life, and even in poverty, in prison, 
 upon a bed of sickness, and almost at the 
 point of death, he laughed at everything. 
 After his failure, he took shelter in the Tem- 
 ple, at that lime a place of refuge for debtors, 
 When he was near dying, the Vicdire dii 
 Temple came to administer the extreme 
 unction to him. 'Ah ! Monsieur I'Abb^,' 
 said Galet, 'you are come to grease my 
 boots ; that is of no use to me, I am going 
 by water.' he was then in the last stHge of 
 the dropf=y. The same day he wrote to his 
 friend Colle, a copy of versts to the tune of 
 ^Accnmptgni de phtskurs autres,'' his last 
 flash of wit. 
 
 "Panard was as careless as his friend, as 
 forgetful of the past, atid as negligent of the 
 future. How he should procure food, lodg- 
 ing, or clothing, did not In-uble him; that 
 was his friends' concern, and he bad good 
 fi'iends. In manners, as in mind, he had a 
 great deal of the simpliiity of La Pontaine. 
 Never e.Kterior showet less genius; he, Iwwr- 
 ever, had it in his thoughts nnd expressions. 
 More than once, when at table, I have heard 
 this hui,;e mo-ss entre deux vins (half drunk) 
 rape It impromptu verses, full of ease, ele- 
 gance, and gnxce. If at any time, in com- 
 posing the Mercure, 1 wanted a fi'w \'erses to 
 fill up a pige, I went to see my friend Pa- 
 nard. 'Kummage the wifj-box,' sniii he. 
 In this wig-box were heaped up pele tnele, 
 scraps of paper on which were scrawleii the 
 verses of this charming poet Seeing al- 
 most all these manuscripts stained with 
 wine, 1 reproacheci him for it. 'Never mind 
 that,' said he, 'that is the seal of genius.' 
 He hid such a tender utfecticn for wine, that 
 he always spoke of it as the friend of his 
 heart ; and, with the glass in his hand, ad- 
 miring the object of his worship an<l delight, 
 be was :>tte.'> moved even to tears. Af>ir 
 
 the death of his friend Galet, on meeting 
 him one day, I wished to shenv him the part 
 I took in bis affliction, 'Ah ! sir,' said he, 
 'my sorrow' is very great ! A friend of hirty 
 years, with whom I pa'-sed my lite! Always 
 together, a la promenade, au spertack, <iu ca- 
 baret. 1 have lost bim. I shad never sing 
 anymore; I shall never drink again with 
 him. He is dead. I am alone in the world. 
 I do not kncrw what will become of me.' la 
 thus bewailing his misf Ttune, vlie poor nian 
 burst into tears, and nothing could te more 
 natural. ' Bu',' added he, 'you know he 
 died at the Temple ! I have been to weep 
 over his grave. Such a grave ! Ah ! sir, 
 they have put him under a gutter— he who, 
 since the age of reason, never draiik a glass 
 of water.' " 
 
 A PARADTSK. 
 
 When the Persian Ambassador and his 
 suite lel't England a few years since, many 
 of them shed tears. One of the suite, who 
 had been struck with the quiet of an English- 
 man's life, compared with that of a Persian, 
 exclaimed, that he could not wish for a better 
 paradise than Chelsea Hospital, where, for 
 the remainder of his days, he could sit under 
 the trees, do nothing, and drink as much 
 porter &s he liked. 
 
 HAPPY THOi'OHT. 
 
 Joe Spiller, the comedian, having to give 
 out a play on a Saturday evening, addressed 
 the audience in the following manner: — 
 "Ladies and gentlemen, to-morrow" — but 
 was interrupted by a person in the pit, who 
 told him to-morrow was Sunday. " 1 kni>w 
 it, sir," replied the dr. II, and gravely pro- 
 ceeded : " i'o-morrow will be preached, at the 
 parish church, St. Andrew's, Holborn, a 
 charity sermon, for the benefit of a iinuiber 
 of poor boys and girls ; and on Monday will 
 be presented in this place, a comedy, &C., 
 for the bcnelit" &c. 
 
 LOnD BATH. 
 
 Walpole relates : " Lord Bath owed a 
 tradesman eight hundred pounds, and would 
 never piy him. The man determined to per- 
 secute him lill he did; and one morning 
 ioUowed him to Lord Winchelsea's, and sent 
 up word that he wanted to speak wiih him. 
 Lord bath came down, Knd said, ' Fellow, 
 what do you want witti me?' 'My money,' 
 gild the nun, as loud as ever he could bawl, 
 beibre ad the servants. He bade him come 
 next morning — and tlien would not see him. 
 The next Sundiy the man followed him to 
 church, aud got into ihc next pew: be 
 lean d over, and said, ' .My money ; give me 
 my money.' My Lord went to the CDd of the 
 pew; the man too; 'Give me my money.' 
 The sermon was on avarice, and the te.\t, 
 'Cursed are they that heap up riches.' The 
 man groaned out, 'O Lord! ' and pointed to 
 my Lord Bath — in short, he persisted so 
 much, and drew the eyes of all the congre- 
 gation, that m^ Lord Bath went out and 
 paid him dijtect'j."
 
 ;28 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 MIS-DKAL. 
 
 Mr. Thorn, of Glaf>j,^ow, had just riseu up 
 m the pulfjit, to lead the congregation in 
 prayer, whtn a genileman in front of the gal- 
 lery look out a handkerchief to wipe the dust 
 from his brow, furgetiing that a pai-k of cards 
 were wrapped up in it, ai.d the whole pack 
 was scattered over the breast of the gillery. 
 Mr. T. could not resist a sarcasm, solemn as 
 the act was in whirh he was about to engage, 
 "Oh! man, man! surtdy your psalm-book 
 has been ill bun' (bound) !" 
 
 POPE ON ROYALTY. 
 
 Frederick, Prince of W-les, once honoured 
 Pope wi'h a visit at Twickenham, who, 
 exfiressing the most dutiful pro(es^ions of 
 attachment, gave iiis Royal lliiihiiess an op- 
 portunity of obs> rving very shrewdl}', that 
 p. pe's love for Princes was inconsistent with 
 his dislike of Kings since Princes may in 
 time be Kmgs. " Sir," rei)lied Pope, " I 
 consider royalty m.der i hat noble and authoi- 
 ized typu of a lion. Whilst t;e is >oung, 
 and beCre his nails are grown, he may be 
 appro iched and caressed with safety and 
 pleasure." 
 
 NATtOVAL ABSfRDITIKS. 
 
 Captain Basil Hall wiites:— "A longwhile 
 ago, when I was preparing for a vo\age to 
 Cliina, I asked an old gentleman, well ac- 
 quainted with that country, to give me some 
 hints for my gui<laiice amongst a people so 
 different in manners from those I had been 
 accustomed to. Toe old boy, who seldom 
 «aid anything without a spice of sarcasm, 
 refl-^cted a moment, and then replied— 
 'Whenever you kill a Chinese, throw him 
 as quietly and quickly as you can into the 
 river : ' This sat re was directed against the 
 absurd laws ot China, which bold the person 
 who is found nearest to a dead body respon- 
 sible for the death. The effect of this is to 
 drive away all asjist:mce from a person who 
 either is "or may be thought to be dying: 
 in shor', to deprive him of help exactly at 
 the time when it might be most useful to 
 him, or when, if it could not be useful in 
 saving his life, it might soothe him in his 
 last moments. We laugh at the perverse 
 folly of the Chinese; but in civilised Europe 
 it is sometimes not much better. At Naples, 
 for ini-tance, a simdar law prevails with t-hat 
 in the Celestial Empire; and I remember 
 hearing of an Englisli lady, who was driving 
 in her open carriage in the most public street 
 of Naples, when the coachman was seized 
 with a tit, and fell back into the carriage. 
 The people stopped the horses : but as not a 
 Nea]M>litan would coni'i to the Udy's assist- 
 ance, the man might have died of suffocation, 
 from the possition he was in, had not an 
 English gentleman, who happened to be 
 passing, rescued him from his awkward pre- 
 diciment. The coachman recovered, and 
 nothing was said ; but had he died on the 
 •spot, the gentleman would have been had 
 up ttS a culprit at tde police-office, just as if 
 he had been in Canton !" 
 
 "di tanti PALPrra." 
 This air is called in Venice, "TAria dei 
 Rizi," and for the following reason. In this 
 country, all dinners, whether of the rich or 
 poor, commt-nce with a dish of rice, which 
 is eaten little dresst-d, after being put down 
 to the fire a few minutes before serving. 
 Rossini had entered his iun for the purpose of 
 dining. He had taxed liis genius in vain 
 — nothing pleased him— all his efforts proved 
 abortive. "Bisogni mtttere i rzi " (Shall I 
 put down the rice?), said the cook; who 
 wished to know by the question, whether he 
 was ready lor dinner. " Uo so," said Rossini ; 
 and in the meanwhile he sat down to the 
 piano. The fortunate moment arived; the 
 rice bad not been brought up before the aria 
 "Di tanti palp.ti " was set to music. 
 
 PIT AND DUNr>AS. 
 
 Dundas was Pitt's companion, with whom 
 he passed, not merely his convivial hours, 
 but io whom he ccmtided his cares and 
 emb rrassments. Du das possessed a villa 
 near London, at Wimbledon, wtiere he was 
 accustomed to repair occasionally, lor the 
 purpose of sleeping out of town. Pitt, on 
 qui ting the Treasorj' bench, used to throw 
 himself into Dundas's post-chariot, and to 
 accompany him. At whatever hour they 
 arrived, they sat down to supper; never 
 failed to drink each his bottle; and the Mi- 
 nister found his sleep more sound, as well as 
 more refreshing, at Wimbledon, than in 
 Downing-strett. However violent might 
 have been the previous agitation of his 
 inirid, yet, in a very few minutes after he had 
 laid his head on the pillow, he never failed to 
 sink into profound repose. So ditKcult, in- 
 deed, was it to awak n him, that his valet 
 'usually' shook him before he could be roused 
 from sleep. One of his private secretaries 
 used to affirm, that no intelligence, however 
 distreSoing, had .'•ufficieiit power to break his 
 rest. Oil that account, he never locked or 
 bolted the door of his bed-chamber. A cir- 
 cumstance took place in 1796 .-tningly cor- 
 roborative of the above facts: — Pitt, having 
 been much disturbed by a variety of painful 
 political occurrences, drove out to pass the 
 night with Dundas, at Wimbledon. After 
 sapper, the Minister withdrew to his cham- 
 ber, having given his servant directions to 
 call him at seven on the ensumg morning. 
 No sooner had he retired, than Dundas, con- 
 scious how much his mind stood in need of 
 repose, repaired to his apartment, locked the 
 door, and put the kev in his pocket ; at the 
 Fame time enjoining the valet on no considera- 
 tion to disturb his master, but to allow him ta 
 sleep as long as nature required. It is a truth 
 that Pitt neither awoke, nor called any per- 
 son, ti 1 half-past four in the afernoonof the 
 following day, when Dundas, entering his 
 room, together with his servant, found him 
 still in so deep a sleep, that it became neces- 
 sary to shake, in ordrr to awaken him. He 
 bad slept uninterruptedlv for more than six- 
 1 teen hours.
 
 RAILWAY A>!ECI)OTE BOOK. 
 
 129 
 
 THE DUN TKICIvKD. 
 
 Clolonel Allen, before he succeeded to ths 
 Viscounty, was in embarrassed circumstances, 
 and was often reduced to the disagree- 
 able necessity of denyinic himself. The poor 
 tradesman was always too late ; the Colonel 
 was on guard, had just gone out, or would be 
 home in an hour, by which time he was 
 dressed and really out. One morning Mr. 
 
 took his station at the door of 
 
 the gallant officer's lodging in Mount- 
 street, at seven o'clock, and intimated to the 
 servant, about ten, that he had watched his 
 master home the previous night, knew he had 
 not yet gone out, and should therefore wait 
 and see him. His pertinacity was so great, 
 that the Colonel was obliged to admit him ; 
 and as soon as he was dretsed all but his coat, 
 he slipped on his dressing-gown, and placing 
 himse f at a table, with a very difficult piece 
 of music before him, he seized his flute, upon 
 ■which instrument his lordship was a profi- 
 cient, and desiring that Mr. might 
 
 be admitted, he struck up as the man was 
 ascending the stairs, and, as he entered, has- 
 tily bade him take a seat, when, to the asto- 
 nishment and delight of the creditor, he played 
 the whole piece, remarkmg all tiie tinio the 
 pleasure his listener appeared to derive from 
 his efforts. When he had concludtd, he made 
 many excuses for not having attended to him, 
 but observed that in practising music it was 
 difficult to learn any piece, if once hesuftlred 
 himself to be interrupted. He snv, too, that 
 
 Mr. was fond of music (which was the 
 
 fact); and, if so, he would play him one of 
 Beethoven's finest piece.^-, arrauj:cd for the 
 flute. The man's ciVilitv would not permit 
 him to refuse so kind an ofter, and the Colonel 
 went into the next room to {;et tho music, 
 when he admitly put on his coat and hat, 
 andjdescending the back-stairs, left the house ; 
 and not until several hours had elapsed did 
 the poor man ascertain that his bird was 
 flown. 
 
 THK POISONED IJEAUTY. 
 
 Miss Mackenzie was one of the greatest 
 beauties about the Court of -James II., and 
 an attachment subsisted bc-twecn her and Mr. 
 Price, at that lime an admired man about 
 town, and an especial fatvourite of the too ce- 
 lebrated Countess of Deloraine, who, to get 
 rid of her rival in beauty, poisoned her. By 
 timvly as■^istan^;p, antidotes were successful ; 
 but the tradition in the family is that the 
 maiden's fine complexion was ruined, and 
 ever after continued of a lemon tint. Queen 
 Caroline, desirous to shield DJoraine from 
 the const queuvcs of her act, persuaded Miss 
 Mackenzie to appear, as soon as she was 
 sufficiently recovered, at a supper, either 
 given by Lidy Deloraine, or where she was 
 to be. When Miss Mackenzie entered the 
 room, some O'-e excbuned, " IIow entirely 
 changed I " Mr. Price, who was seated with 
 Lady Deloraine, looking carelessly over his 
 shouidej', remarked, "In my eyes, she is more 
 beautiful tluin ever j" and they were married 
 nest nioruing. 
 
 ANCESTRY. 
 
 Ixird Chesterfield placed among the por- 
 traits of his ancestors two old heads, inscribed 
 Adam de Stanhope, and Eve de Stanhope: 
 the ridicule is admirable. Old Peter Lenere. 
 the herald, who thought ridicule consisted in 
 not being of an old family, made this epitaph 
 for young Craggs, whose father had been a 
 footman : Here lies the last who died before 
 the first of his family : Old Craggs was one 
 day getting into a coach with Arthur Moore, 
 who had worn a livery too, when he turned 
 about, and said, " Why, Arthur, I am always 
 ' going to get up behind ; are not you?" 
 '• The Gordons trace their name no farther 
 back than the days of Alexander the Great, 
 from Gordonia, a city of Macedon, which, 
 I thej- say, once formed part of Alexander's 
 dominions, and, from thence, no doubt, the 
 clan must have come ! 
 
 PARLIAMENTARY REPORTING. 
 
 Complai.'its are occasionally made by mem- 
 bers rhat their speeches arc not reported 
 verhtdini. Pretty speeches in that case, would 
 some of their orations appear ! The plan of 
 giving ver!/ntlm rejiorts was once tried by Dr. 
 St.iddart, when he conducted The New Times. 
 i'lie result of the experiment was such as 
 ought to prevent any one calling Ibr verbatim 
 reports in future. The members made dowa- 
 light fools of themselves, and set the public 
 a- laughing from one end of the country to 
 the other. Lord Castlereagh exhibited him 
 self as " standi mi prust rate at the foot of Ma- 
 jes'y," and as " walkin^^ forward with his 
 back turned on himself." Sir Fred. Flood, 
 one of the Irish members, and a great stick- 
 ler for vpbatim reports, ippeared one morning 
 as having, on the previous evening, enlight- 
 ened and delighted the House with the 
 following profound philosophj- and bril- 
 liant eloquence: — "Mr. Spak-r, — A^ I was 
 coming down to this House to perform my 
 duty to the country and ould Irelant, I was 
 brutally att.icked. Sir, by a mob, Mr. 
 Spaker, of ragamuffins. Sir. If, Sir, any 
 honourable gintlemin is to L)e assaulted, Mr. 
 Spaker, by such a parcel of spalpeens, Sir, 
 as were after attacking me, Mr. Spaker, then 
 I say, Mr. Spaker, that if you do not, Mr. 
 Spaker, be after protecting gintlemin like 
 myself. Sir, we cannot be after conruig to 
 the House of Parliament at all at all, Mr. 
 Spaker. And, Sir, may I be after axing you. 
 Sir, what. Sir, would be^-ome. Sir, of the 
 bisnoss of the country, Mr. Spaker, in such 
 a case, Mr Spaker? Will you, Sir, be after 
 answering myself that question, Mr. Spuker? 
 It's myself that would like an answer, Sir, to 
 the ques'ion, Sir. as soon as convanieut. Sir, 
 which I have afked you, fir. Spskcr." Tiiis 
 proved a complete extinguisher to Sir Fre- 
 1 derick Flood's penchant for verbatim report- 
 i ing. He went, the day on which his oration 
 appeared, to the edit4)rs of all the morning 
 I papers, and s.iid he would thcreaf.er leave 
 I his speeches to " the discratiou of the re- 
 1 porhters."
 
 130 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 THE KING OF THE SANDWICH ISLANDS. 
 
 Some pious ladies at Sherborne sent to the 
 King of the Sandwich Islands, by means of 
 a missionary who had lately returned, and 
 was then on a visit to Dr. Gray's house- 
 keeper, a splendid dress, in the form of a 
 nightgown, made of gaudily printed bed-cur- 
 tain stuff, ornamented with a large silver 
 button, by way of a star, on the left breast : 
 it was faced with scarlet, and lined with pur- 
 ple. The motive in sending it was to induce 
 the King to abandon idolatry ; but the ladies 
 were dreadfully perplexed when ihey received 
 in due time a letter containing his Majesty's 
 thanks; but, as he considered himself un- 
 worthy of so elegant and nT^^gnificent a dress, 
 he ha5 consecrated the noble gift, and hung 
 this splendid nightgown on his chief idol, as 
 a robe of state and splendour ! 
 
 UMBRELLAS. 
 
 Jonas Hanway's larger schemes of be- 
 nevolence have connected his name with the 
 Marine Society and the Magdalen, both of 
 which he originated ; as well as with the 
 Foundling, which he was active in improving ; 
 and to his courage and perseverance in 
 smaller fields of usefulness (his determined 
 contention with extravagant vails to servants 
 not the least), the men of Goldsmith's day 
 were indebted for liberty to use an umbrella. 
 Gay's poem of " Trivia " commemorates its 
 earlier use by poor women, by "tuckd-up 
 sempstre'ises " and "walking maids;" but 
 even with this class it was a winter privilege, 
 and woe to the woman of a better sort, or to 
 the man, whether rich or poor, who dared at 
 any time so to invade the rights of coachmen 
 and chairmen. But Jonas steadily under- 
 went the staling, laughing, jeering, hooting, 
 and bullying; and having punished some 
 insolent knaves who struck him with their 
 whips as well as their tongues, he finally 
 established the use of the umbrella. Jonas 
 made a less successful move when he would 
 have written down the use of tea. 
 
 THE LOTTERY TICKET. 
 
 Don Thomas Isturitz was one day walking 
 near the Royal Exchange during the drawing 
 of the lottery in 1815, and feeling an incli- 
 nation to sport twenty pounds, went into the 
 office of Martin and Co., Cornhill, where, 
 referring to his pocket-book, he counted the 
 number of days that had elapsed from that 
 of liis providential escape from Madrid (and 
 the tender mercies prepared for him by the 
 beloved Fernando); he found them amount 
 V^ 261, and then demanded to buy that 
 ticket ; but it was nearly half an hour before 
 it could be obtained, and only after a strict 
 search amongst the lottei'y offices in the 
 city. At length, a half ticket of No. 261 was 
 procured at two o'clock ; and at five it was 
 drawn a prize of forty thousand pounds, the 
 only one ever exhibited to that amount in 
 England. The lucky Don lay down that 
 might twenty thousand pounds richer than h« 
 bad risen. 
 
 RESPECT FOR UNETtOTECTED PROPERTY. 
 
 There had been a great number of rob- 
 beries in Fifeshire ; every house in the 
 neighbourhood had been visited except 
 Balcarres. The robbers were at last cap- 
 tured and brought before the county 
 court. "Why did you never come to 
 me?" asked Lord Balcarres. "My Lord," 
 they replied, " we often did ; everywhere 
 else' we found closed doors, but at Balcarres 
 thej' stood always (.pen, and where such ia the 
 case it is a rule among us not to enter." 
 
 A REASON. 
 
 Over the door of a tavern, in the neigh- 
 bourhood of Aberdeen, ia the following inti- 
 mation : — 
 
 " James Eettie — licensed to sell the year 
 that's begun — 
 P.P. Porter and ale— F.F. Fusky and 
 Eum." 
 
 On a person inquiring the meaning of the 
 above detached letters, he was answered that 
 both the publican and the painter had an 
 impediment in their speech, " and, perhaps," 
 continued hia informant, '• the painter had a 
 stuttering brush also." 
 
 DANIEL ^VT,BSTER. 
 
 Daniel Web-ter was born in 1782, the son 
 of a New Hampshire farmer. He was called 
 to the bar in 1805 ; became a member of 
 Congress in 1812. After 181G, he gave up 
 all lus time to his profession. Many of his 
 law arguments are excellt-nt, witness his 
 speech on the prosecution of Knapp, tried for 
 murder : — 
 
 " The room was uncommonly open to the 
 admission of light. The face of the innocent 
 sleeper was turned from the murderer, and 
 the beams of the moon, resting on the grey 
 locks of his aged temples, showed him where 
 to strike. The fatal bijw is given ! and the 
 victim passes, without a struggle or a motion, 
 from the repose of sleep to the repose of 
 death ! It is the assassin's purpose to make 
 sure work; and he yet plies the dagger, 
 though it was obvious that life had been de- 
 stroyed by the blow of the bludgeon. He 
 even raises the aged arm that he may not fail 
 in his aim at the heart, and replaces it again 
 over the wounds of the poniard ! To finish 
 the picture, he explores the WTist for the 
 pulse ! He feels for it, and ascertains that it 
 beats no longer. It is accomplished ; the deed 
 is done. He retreats, retraces his steps to the 
 window, passes out through it as he came 
 in, and escapes. He has done the murder — 
 no eye has seen him, no ear has beard him. 
 The secret is his own, and it is safe ! 
 
 " Ah ! gentlemen, that was a dreadful mis- 
 take. Such a secret can be safe nowhere. 
 The whole creation of God has neither nook 
 or corner where the guilty can bestow it, and 
 sav it is safe. Not to speak of that eye which 
 giances through all disguises, and beholds 
 everything as in the splendour of noon, such 
 secrets of guilt are never safe," &c.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 131 
 
 Tllli CO.MI'LIJSIENT. 
 
 Don Pedro passed some time in England, 
 and, being one of the iions of the day (rather 
 a dark -browed one) at the period of the visit 
 of the Spanish patriots in 1808, was very 
 hospitably and generously entertained, which 
 he never spoke of but in terms of the 
 warmest gratitude; but the most flattering 
 mark of Pritith favour which he prided 
 himself on was the soubriquet of ''Charles 
 Fox" bestowed on him at Lord Holland's 
 table ; and, certainly, in bust, in feature, in 
 eye, brow, and, rbove all, in voice, he bori a 
 pov.-erful resemblance to that celebrated 
 statesman, "i tell the Prince of Wales" 
 said tlie Don, " that I like very much Engluitd, 
 very much King George; and the I'lince 
 tell me I was double Cliarles Fox" (his 
 duuOle, we are to presume). 
 
 IRON MASK. 
 
 Captain Basil Hall describes, as one of the 
 curiosities he saw in the castle of Steinburg, 
 in Lower Styria, a very thin, but strong 
 iron mask, with clasps and locks of the same 
 metal, cf which a redoubted Baron of olden 
 times is said to have made frequent use. It 
 appears that he had a very handsome wife, 
 who was sadh' coquei,ti>h, and more fond of 
 exhibiting her pretty face than he at all 
 approved of. Whenever he stiired from 
 home, therefore, he was wont to encase her 
 slippery head in this iron mask, and put the 
 key in his pocket. Tradition says that the 
 gentleman mistook the apphcaJon^and quite 
 misplaced the protection, as the lad}', though 
 she could not exhibit the light of her coun- 
 tenance to her lovers, whispered still softer 
 endearments through the bars ; and in the 
 end taught the foolish noble, that, in love as 
 well as war, physical obstacles, so far from 
 keeping out an invading enemy, generally 
 serve as his best stepping-stones to conquesL 
 
 TEACHING THE YOUNG IDEA. 
 
 Many years ago, when an educationist 
 visited the schools of Ireland, one of the 
 masters, who was especially conscious of the 
 superior excellence of his establishment, as 
 soon as he was acquainted with the object of 
 the visit, began to dilate upon the various 
 sciences with which he was familiar; among 
 which he enumerated hydraulics, hydro- 
 statics, geography, geology, etj-mology, and 
 entomology. It was suggested to him that 
 they had better, perhaps, take the list of 
 queries in their order. On coming to the 
 subjects taught in the school, he was asked — 
 "Do you teach reading and writing?" — 
 "Yes." "Arithmetic?"— "Yes." "Gram- 
 mar and composition?" — "Certainlv." 
 " French ? " — " Yes." " Latin ? " — " Yes." 
 "Greek?"— "Yes, yes," &c.; and so on till 
 the list of queries was exhausted, answering 
 everj' question in the affirmative. As he con- 
 cluded, the visitor remarked, " This is m2tl- 
 tum in parvo, indeed." To which the master 
 immediately replied, " I teach that ; you may 
 put that down too." 
 
 INKAXCY OF WEST, TUB PAINTER. 
 
 Benjamin West, the son of John West 
 and Sarah Pearson, was born at Springfield, 
 in the state of Pennyslvania, Jsorth America, 
 on the 10th of October, 1733. llis mother, 
 it seems, had gune to hear one Edward Peck- 
 over preach about the sinfulness of the Old 
 World, and the spotlessness of the New, and 
 terrified and overcome bj- the earnest eloquence 
 of the enthusiast, she shrieked aloud, was car- 
 ried home, and, in the midst of agitation and 
 terror, was safelj- delivered of the future 
 President of the Koyal Academj-. When the 
 preacher was told of thi^ he rejoiced ; " Note 
 that child," said he, "for he has come into the 
 world in a Remarkable way, "and will as- 
 suredly prove a wonderful man." The child 
 prospered, and when seven years old began 
 to fulfil the prediction of the preacher. lie 
 was set to rock the cradle of his sister's child, 
 and was so struck with the beauty of the 
 slumbering babe, that he drew its features in 
 red and blac'k irdi. '• I declare," cried his 
 astonished sister, " he has made a likeness of 
 little Sally." He was next noticed by a 
 part}- of wild Indians, who, pleased with the 
 sketches which Benjamin had made of birds 
 and flowers, taught him how to prepare the 
 red and j'ellow colours with which they 
 stained their weapons : to these his mother 
 added indigo, and thus he obtained the 
 three primary colours. 
 
 MAN-TItAI'S. 
 
 Thieves sometimes catch themselves, as 
 this incident shows : — A gentleman had 
 his orchard repeatedly robbed, and bid- 
 ding defiance to prohibitoiy acts, had an 
 old man-trap repaired, and set up in his 
 grounds. The smith brought it home, 
 and there was a consultation as to which 
 tree it should be placed under : several 
 were proposed, as being all favourite bearers ; 
 at last the smith's suggestion as to the 
 locus in quo was adopted, and the man- 
 trap set. But the position somehow or 
 other did not please the master, and as tastes 
 occasionally vary, so did his, and he bethought 
 him of another "tree, the fruit of which he 
 should like above all things to preserve. 
 Accordingly, scarcely had he laid his head 
 on his pillow when the change was deter- 
 mined on, and ere long the man-trap was 
 transferred. Very early in the morning the 
 cries of a sufl'erer brought master and men 
 into the orchard, and there they discovered — 
 the smith. 
 
 It being unlawful to set man-traps and 
 spring-guns, a gentleman once hit upon a 
 happy device. He was a scholar, and being 
 often' asked the meaning of mysterious words 
 compounded from the Greek, that flourish in 
 every day's newspaper, and finding they al- 
 ways excited wonder by their length and 
 terrible sound, he had painted on a board, 
 and put upon his premises, in verj' large 
 letters, the fallowing — " Tondaparaubomenos 
 set up in these grounds : " it was perfectly a 
 " patent safety." 
 
 / 
 
 i
 
 132 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 TRIUMPHANT RETORT. 
 
 As Monsieur de la Motte, soon after the 
 representation of his " Ines de Castro" 
 (which was verj* successful, although much 
 censured by the press), was sitting one daj' 
 in a cofiee-house, he heard several of those 
 critics abusing his plaj'. P'inding that he 
 was unknown to them, he joined heartily in 
 abusing it himself. At length, after a great 
 many sarcastic remarks, one of them, yawn- 
 ing, "said, "Well, what shall we do with our- 
 selves this evening?" " Why, suppose," 
 said De la Motte, " we go to the seventy- 
 second representation of this bad play." 
 
 BATHING IN THE THAMES. 
 
 The impurity of the stream has driven the 
 Ij.ithers away ; yet it was once very different. 
 Lord Northampton, in the reign of Charles 
 ].. was taken ill of the colic, of which he died, 
 v/iiile washing himself in the Thames, after 
 he had waited on the King at supper, and 
 had supped himself. Blood concealed him- 
 self among the reeds at Battersea, in order to 
 shoot King Charles II., while bathing in the 
 Thames over against Chelsea. One of the 
 dailing recreations of Sir Dudley North was 
 swimming in the Thames; " he used that so 
 much, that he became quite master of it." 
 The polite Earl of Chesterfield directed a let- 
 ter to Lord Pembroke (the collector), who 
 was always swimming: — "To the Earl of 
 Pembroke, in the Thames, over against 
 WTiitehali." " Last week," says Lord Byron, 
 .he poet, in a letter dated August 11th, 1807, 
 " I swam in the Thames from Lambeth 
 tl.iough the two bridges (U'estminster and 
 Biackfriars), a distance — including the dif- 
 ferent turns and tacks made on the way — of 
 thiee miles." 
 
 e:sduring grief of widows. 
 
 A young Tipperary widow, Nelly M'Phee, 
 was courted and actually had an offer from 
 Tooley O'Shane, on her way to her husband's 
 funeral. " She accepted, of course," said 
 Gro.'-.nnan. "No, she didn't," said Smith. 
 " Tooley, dear," says she, " y're too late ; four 
 weeks ago it was I shook hands wi' Pat 
 Sweeney upon it that I would have him a 
 dacent time arter poor M'Phee was under 
 board." " Well," said Grossman, " widows 
 of all nations are much alike. There was a 
 Dutch woman whose husband, Diedric Van 
 Pronk, died and left her inconsolable. He 
 was buried on Cop's Hill. Folks said that 
 grief would kill that widow. She had a 
 dgure of wood carved that looked very like 
 lier late husband, and constantly kept it in 
 bed for several months. In about half a 
 year she became interested in a young shoe- 
 maker, who too.k the length of her font, and 
 finally married her. He had visited the 
 widow not more than a fortnight when the 
 servants told her ihc}' were out of kindHng 
 stuff, and asked what should be done. After 
 a pause, the widow replied in a very quiet 
 way— 'Maype it ish well enough now to 
 shplit up old Van Pronk vat is uxi-stairs.'" 
 
 TH8 .SPECTATOR. 
 
 Sir Roger de Coverley is understood to be 
 drawn for Sir John Packington, of Worces- 
 tershire, a Tory, not without good sense, but 
 abounding in absurdities. Tickell asserted 
 that 20,000 of the Spectator were sold in h 
 day. 
 
 HIGH CHARACTER. 
 
 It is difficult to be a good mauand a great 
 public character. Lord Stanhope confessed 
 that it was "impossible for a Minister of 
 Stiite to be an honest man." Surely he gave 
 himself a bad character ; or, perhaps, he was 
 not in earnest. He lived with the reputation 
 of a disinterested and uncorrupt minister ; 
 and when he died, his sovereign shed tears 
 at his loss. 
 
 In Pope's epitaph on Craggs are these two 
 lines, f^o honourable to a Secretary of State 
 and the particular statesman, that it is a pure 
 pleasure to read them : — 
 
 " Who broke no promise, serv'd no private 
 
 end. 
 Who gained no title, and who lost no friend." 
 
 ENGLISH BUL1.S. 
 
 Some years ago, the publishers of a 
 
 \ monthly periodical, finding that th-e last day 
 
 I of the nionth sometimes happened on a Sun- 
 
 I dav, had a meeting at the London Coffee- 
 
 j house, when, to remedy the inconvenience, it 
 
 was resolved that the publishing day should 
 
 be the last day but one of the montli, not 
 
 thinking that it would as frequently (all ou a 
 
 i Sunday as on any other dsy. 
 
 Though the English blame their neigbours 
 the Irish, for the commission of blundeis, yet 
 they sometimes fall into the same error 
 themselves. A meeting was called of the in- 
 habitants of Stepney, for the protection of 
 the householders against the renewal of rob- 
 beries which took place the year preceding. 
 The lawyer who drew up the resolutions put 
 an advertisement into the newspapers, stating 
 that the meeting was held to prevent the rob- 
 beries which took place the year before. 
 
 HOW TO HEAR THE GOSPEL. 
 
 Rowland Hill paid a visit to an old friend 
 a few years before his death, who said to 
 him, "Mr. Hill, it is just sixt}'- five years 
 since I first heard you preach, and I remem - 
 ber your text and a part of }-our sermon. 
 You told us that some people were very 
 squeamish about the deliver}' of different 
 ministers who preached the same Gospel. 
 You said, ' Suppo.-ing }ou were attending to 
 hear a will read where you expected a legacy 
 to be left you, -wouldyou env I03' the time 
 when it was reading in criticising the man- 
 ner in which the lawyer read it.' No, you 
 would m-t : you would be giving all ear to hear 
 if anything was left you, and how much it 
 was. That is the waj- I would advise you 
 to hear the Gospel.'" This was excellent 
 advice, and well worth remembering sixty- 
 five years.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 133 
 
 A Blow- UP. 
 
 A Persian, some yeiirs since, built a 
 powder-miH at Tabriz, from his casual in- 
 -'P"f^fi'r; ''•' :i ■•'"■;!!'!• buil'ling at Constanti- 
 nople. It is of brick, stone, and marble, and 
 cost a vast sum of money. The door is of 
 iron, and, to prevent explosion, is constantly 
 wetted when the mill is working. Mr. Mo- 
 rier remarked to the architect, that, in Eu- 
 ropp, owing to the frequent explosion of 
 powder-mills, they are now constructed of 
 cheap and light materials. Being a good 
 predestinarian, the builder replied, " Inshal- 
 lah (please God), this will never blow up. 
 See that of Constantinople, how long that has 
 stood ; surely this can last as long." 
 
 iiatdn's razor quartetf. 
 Ilaydn, on his first visit to this great me- 
 tropolis, domiciled at the house of Bland, the 
 music- publisher, 4.5, High Ilolborn, who used 
 to relate the following story : — " When I 
 went over to the Continent to secure the ser- 
 vices of Haydn, at the concerts of Salomon, 
 I was introduced to him while he was in the 
 act of shaving himself, an operation by no 
 means the pleasantest in the world, even 
 when one has good tools ; but it happened 
 that Haydn was badlj- oflf in that respect, 
 and feeling the inconvenience deeplv, said, 
 •Ah, Mr. Bland, if I had but an English 
 razor, I would give one of the best composi- 
 tions 1 ever wrote for i*;.' I immediatelj', 
 without waiting to reply, posted off to my 
 inn, and brought my best pair. Presenting 
 them to the great man, he put into my hmcis 
 one of his quartetts in manuscript, which I 
 afterwards published, and used to term it mv 
 Razor QiiarteU." 
 
 LADY MARY HOXYWOOD. 
 
 Of this lad}-, who was daughter and co- 
 heir of Robert Waters, Esq., of Lenliam, in 
 Kent, and wife of Sir Robert Honywood, of 
 Pett, in Charing, it is recorded that at hi r 
 decease she bad no less than .'i(!7 lawful de- 
 scendants then living — IG children, 114 
 grandchildren, 228 great-grandchildren, and 
 9 great-great-grandchildren. 
 
 The followins; singular storj* is related of 
 thi.' same remarkable woman : — 
 
 Falling at one time in a low desponding 
 stale of mind, she was impressed with the 
 idea that she should be damned, and ex- 
 claiming, in a paroxysm of the mslady, "I 
 .shall be lost, as surely as that glass is broken," 
 she tlung thrice, with violence, a ghiss which 
 she happened to have in her hand, on a mar- 
 ble slal'), by which she was standing; but the 
 glass rebounded each time, and did not break. 
 The story adds, that the circumstance wrought 
 a complete cure, and had more eft'ect in com- 
 posing her mind than the reasonii g of all the 
 great divines whom she had consulted. A 
 portrait was painted of her, in the act of 
 flinging the glass. 
 
 She died at Markshall, in Es.sex, in 1020, 
 in the 93rd year of her age, and in the -Hth 
 of her widowhood. 
 
 CLAW AMD CX.AW. 
 
 Lord Erskine and Dr. Parr, who were 
 both remarkably conceited, were in the habit 
 of conversing together, and complimenting 
 each other on their respective abilities. On 
 one of the.se occasions, Parr promised that he 
 would write Erskine's epitaph ; to which the 
 other replied, that "such an intention on 
 the doctor's part was almost a temptation to 
 commit suicide." 
 
 PIJVIN LANGUAGE. 
 
 Mr. John Clerk (afterwards Lord Eldin), 
 in pleading before the House of Lords one 
 day, happened to say, in his broadest Scotch 
 accent, " In plain English, ma Lords ; " upon 
 which Lord Eldon jocosely remarked, " In 
 plain Scotch, you mean, Mr. Clerk." The 
 prompt advocate instantly rejoined, " Nae 
 matter ! in plain common sen.se, ma Lords, 
 and that's the same in a' languages, ye'll 
 ken." 
 
 VERY LIKE EACH OTHER. 
 
 It appears that there were two persons of 
 the name of Dr. John Thomas, not easily to 
 be distinguished ; for somebody (says Bishop 
 Newton) was speaking of Dr. ThonidS, when 
 it was asked, " which Dr. Tiiomas do you 
 mean ? " " Dr. John Thomas." — They are 
 both named John." " Dr. Thomas who has 
 a living in the city?" — Thej' have both 
 livings in the city." " Dr. 'Ihomas who is 
 chaplain to the King?"' — "They are both 
 chaplains to the King." " Dr. Thomas who 
 is a very good preacher?" — They are both 
 good preachers." "Dr. Thomas who squints?" 
 — " Tney both squint." They were after- 
 wards both Bishops. 
 
 LENDING SIONEY. 
 
 Patrick Forbes, Bishop of Aberdeen, had 
 lent an imluckv brother money until h« was 
 tired out; but the borrower renewed his ap- 
 plication, and promisel security. Thu Bishop 
 con-cnted to the loan ; " But where is your 
 surety?" said he; when the poor fellow re- 
 plied, "God Almighty is my bondsman in 
 providence. He is the only security I liave 
 to offer." So singular a reply of a despair- 
 ing man smote the feelings of the Bishop, 
 and he thus replied: "It is the lirst time, 
 certainly, that such a surety was ever offered 
 tome; and since it is so, take the money, 
 and may Almighty God, your bondsman, .see 
 that it docs you good." 
 
 Swift having to preach a charity sermon 
 to which he had little good-will, t'rom the 
 opinion he had formed of his audience, .said 
 nothing of the subject until the sermon was 
 ended. He then told them that this was a 
 mere matter of business, and as such he wouli' 
 talk of it. They knew as well as he, thai 
 they had certain poor to provide for, whc 
 looked to their purses. He then merely read 
 the text: "He that giveth to the poor, 
 Icndeth to the Lord ; " and added, " if you 
 approve of your security, down with your 
 money." With this he sent round the plate 
 for collection.
 
 134 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 DIETV JUDGE. 
 
 A Welsh judije, celebrated as a suitor for 
 all sorts of places, and his neglect of personal 
 uieanliness, was thus addressed by Mr. Jekyl], 
 ** As Tou have asked tlie Ministers for every- 
 thing else, why have you never asked tbem 
 for a piece of soap and a nail brush? " 
 
 LrCKY EXCHANGE. 
 
 At the representation of " Mithridate," 
 Beauboiirg, who was a remarkably u{;ly man, 
 played the part of 3Hthridate, and Made- 
 moiselle Leconvreur, Monimki. The latter, 
 therefore, having occasion to say, " Signior, 
 you changed countenance-," "Oh! let him, 
 let him," said a man in the gallery, "he can- 
 not change it for a worse." 
 
 DtrtTNING AND LOKD MANSFIELD. 
 
 Whilst the celebrated Mr. Dunning, after- 
 wards Lord Ash burton, was at the bar, he 
 by his conduct did much to support the cha- 
 racter and dignity of a barrister, which was 
 frequentl}' disregarded by Lord Mansfield, at 
 that time Chief Justice. The attempts of 
 the Chief Justice to browbeat the counsel 
 were on many occasions kept in check by the 
 manly and dignified conduct of Mr. Dunning. 
 Lord Mansfield possessed great quickness in 
 discovering the gist of a cause, and having 
 done so, used to amuse himself by taking up 
 a book or a newspaper whilst counsel was 
 addressing the court. Whenever Mr. Dun- 
 ning was speaking, and his Lordship seemed 
 thus to hold his argument as of no conse- 
 quence, the advocate would stop suddenly in 
 bis address, and on his Lordship observing, 
 "Pray go on, Mr. Dunning," he would re- 
 ply, " I beg your pardon, my Lord, but I 
 fear I shall interrupt your Lordship's more 
 important occupations. I will wait until your 
 Lordship has leisure to attend to my client 
 and his humble advocate." 
 
 ACC05rjIODATINO PRINCIPLES. 
 
 In one of Sir Robert Wulpole's letters, he 
 gives a very instiuctive picture of a skilful 
 minister and a condescending Parliament. 
 " My dear friend," writes Sir Kobert, " there 
 is scarcely a member whose purse i do not 
 know to ii sixpence, and whose veiy soul, 
 almost, I could not pr.rchase at the ofier. 
 The reason former ministers have been de- 
 ceived in this matter is evident — they never 
 considered the temper of the people they had 
 to deal with. I have known a minister so 
 weak as to offer an avaricious old rascal a 
 star and garter, and attempt to bribe a young 
 rogue, who set no value upon mone^', with a 
 lucrative employment. 1 pur.-uo methods as 
 opposite as the poles, and therefore my ad- 
 ministration has been attended with a difler- 
 ent effect." 
 
 " Patriots," says Walpole, " spring np 
 like mushrooms. " I could raise fifty of thf-m 
 within four-and-twenty hours. I have raised 
 many of them in one night. It is but re- 
 fusing to gratify an unreasonable or insolent 
 demand, and up starts a patriot." 
 
 THE riPKK's CUR3E. 
 
 The town-piper of Falkirk, it is said, was 
 sentenced to be hanged for h,orse-stealing. 
 On the night before his execution he obtained, 
 as an indulgence, the company of some of 
 his brother pipers; and, as the liquor was 
 abundant, and their instruments in tune, the 
 music and fun was fast and furious. The 
 •execution was to be at eight o'clock, and the 
 poor piper was recalled to a sense of his 
 situation by morning light dawning on his 
 window. He suddenly silenced his pipe, and 
 exclaimed, " Oh, but this wearifu' hanging 
 rings in my lug like a new tune." 
 
 kean's unfortunate success. 
 In the second year of Kean's London triumph, 
 an elderly lady, whose .sympathy had been 
 excited by his forlorn condition in boyhood, 
 but who had lost sight of him in his wander- 
 ings till his sudden starting into fame asto- 
 nished the world, was induced, on renewing 
 their acquaintance, to pay a visit of some 
 daj-s to him and Mrs. Kean, at their resi- 
 dence, in Clarges street. She made no secret 
 of her intention to evince the interest she 
 felt in his welfare by a considerable bequest 
 in her will ; hut, on accompanying Mrs. K. 
 to the theatre to see Kean perform Luke, she 
 was so appalled by the cold-blooded villany 
 of the character, that, attributing the skill 
 of the actor to the inherent possession of the 
 fiendiike attributes he so consummately' em- 
 bodied, her regard was turned into suspicion 
 and distrust. She left London the next day, 
 and dying soon afterwards, it appeared that 
 she had even altered the testamentary dispo- 
 sition of her propertj', which had once been 
 made in Kean's favour, and bequeathed the 
 sum originally destined for him to a distant 
 relative, of whom she knew nothing but by 
 name. 
 
 POLITICAL INTEGRITY. 
 
 George I. appears to have entertained a 
 very low opinion of the political integrity of 
 his courtier.-j, and the honesty of his house- 
 hold. He laughed at the complaints made by 
 Sir Robert Walpole against tlie Hanoverians, 
 for selling places; and would not believe that 
 the custom was not sanctii'Ued by his English 
 advisers and attendants. Soon alter his first 
 arrival in this country, a favourite cook, 
 whom he had brought from Hanover, grew 
 melancholy, and wanted to return home. 
 The King having inquired why he wanted 
 to quit his houseliold, the fellow replied, " I 
 have long serv»d vour Majesty honestly, not 
 suffering anything to be embezzled in your 
 kitdien ; but here, the dishes no sooner conic 
 from your table, th.in one steals a fowl, 
 another a pig, a third a joint of meat, a 
 foui th a pie, and so on, till the whole is gone ; 
 and I cannot bear to see your Majesty so 
 injured!" The King, laughing heartily, 
 said. '• My revenues here enable me to bear 
 these thinirs; and, to reconcile you to your 
 place, do yon steal like the rest, and mind 
 you take enough ! " The cook followed this 
 advice, and soon became a very expert thieC
 
 RAILWAY AJNECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 135 
 
 WALPO LIANA. 
 
 Sir John Germain was so ignorant, that 
 he is said to have left a lefcacy to Sir Mat- 
 thew Decker, as the author of SL Matthew's 
 Gospel. 
 
 Churchill (General C , a natural son of 
 
 the Marlborouijh family) asked PuUeney the 
 other day, " Well, Mr. I'ulteney, will yo\i 
 break me too?" " IS"o, Charles," replied he, 
 " you break fast enough of yourself ! " 
 Don't you think it hurt him more than the 
 other breaking would? 
 
 VValpole was pUgued one morning with 
 that oaf of unlicked antiquity, Prideaux, 
 and his great boy. He talked through all 
 Italy,and every thing in all Italy. U[ion men- 
 tioning Stosch, Walpole asked if he liad seen 
 his collection, lie replied, very lew of his 
 things, for he did not like his company ; 
 that he never heard so much heathenish 
 talk in bis days. Walpole inquired what it 
 was, and found that Stosch had one day said 
 before him, that tite soul was only a little glue. 
 
 Of a Mr. Nay lor : — When his father 
 married his second \vife,Naylor said, "Father, 
 they say you are to be married to-day ; are 
 you?" "Well," replied the Bishop, "and 
 what is that to y(>u ? " " Nay, nothing ; 
 only, if you had told me, I would have pow- 
 dered my hair." 
 
 A tutor at Cambridge had been examining 
 some lads in Latin ; but in a little while ex- 
 cused himself, and said he must speak Ln- 
 glish, for his mouth was very sore. 
 
 After going out of the Commons, and 
 fighting a duel with Mr. Chetwj-nd, whom 
 he wounded, "my uncle (says Walpole) re- 
 turned to the house, and was so lifJe moved 
 as to speak immediately upon the cambric 
 bill;" which made Swiuny say, that " it was 
 a sign he was not ruffled." 
 
 Sir Charles Wager always said, " tliat if a 
 sea-fight lasted thr-e days, he was sure the 
 English suffered the most for the two lirst, 
 for no other nation would stand beating for 
 two days together." 
 
 [A worthy Lord Mayor furnishes some 
 droll stories, e.r. gr. : — ] 
 
 Yesterday we had another hearing of the 
 petition of the merchants, when Sir Robert 
 Godschall shone brighter than even his usual. 
 There was a copy of a letter prodiicfd, the 
 original being lost ; he asked whether the 
 copy had been taken before the original was 
 loet, or after! 
 
 This gold-chain came into parliament, cried 
 up for his parte, but proves so dull, one 
 would think he chewed opium. Earl says, 
 " I have heard an oyster speak as well twenty 
 times." 
 
 Hearmg of a gentleman who had had the 
 small-pox twice, and died of it, he asked, if 
 he died the first time or the second ? 
 
 QUID PRO QUO. 
 
 A physician of an acrimonious disposition, 
 aod havhig a thorough Imtred of lawyers, 
 was in company with a barrister, and, in 
 ttie coarse of conversation, reproached the 
 
 profession of the latter with tiie use of phrasee 
 utterly unintelligible. " For example," said 
 he, " 1 never could understand what you 
 lawyers menu by docking an entail." " That 
 is very likel.v," answered the lawyer, "but 
 I wdl explain it to you ; it is doing what you 
 doctors never uonaent to — sv^'trivg a reco 
 very." 
 
 "kino ALLKX" and the r.ANKEK. 
 
 Lord Allen, from some cause >>r other, had 
 taken it into his head to make a butt of a 
 gentleman highly esteemed by all who knew 
 him, who happened to be a member of the 
 same club with his Lord.ship; .and hearing 
 that this gentleman, who was a banker, had 
 petitioned the Commissioners of Woods and 
 Forests to remove a monument which had 
 been placed oppo-site to his house of business, 
 asked him one day, in a rather imperious 
 manner, his mo'ivc for joining the inhabit- 
 ants of the district in the potiliou. The 
 banker replied that it collected a quantity of 
 idlers and dirty boys about the .^pot, to the 
 great hindrance of busines?, and the annoy- 
 ance of his neighbours. " Oh," said his Lord- 
 ship, " of course every man knows his own 
 business liest, but 1 should have thought it 
 rather advantageous to you than otherwise." 
 " How so, my Lord ?" replied the baidier. 
 " Because," said his Lordship, " while you are 
 standing idle at your own shop-door, it woulii 
 prevent j'our seeing the crowdi of peopU 
 flocking to the respectable banking-house (A 
 Messrs Bullion and Co., on the opposite side 
 of the road." Of course his Lordship's spleen 
 was grutilied, for the whole club was con- 
 vulsed with laughter; but the triumph was 
 only of short duration, for the ban kt-r soon 
 learned that his Lonlship — whose peculiarly 
 pompous manner had obtained for him the 
 tiouliriqutt of " King," by which title, and no 
 other, was he comiiionly known amongst his 
 intimate friends — had previously arranged 
 with hi.s creditors by the payment of ten 
 shillings in the pound. The l)a\dvor was de- 
 termined to be revenged, and within a few 
 hour.S; before the novelty of '• King Allen's 
 last" had subsided, he went to the club, 
 when it was crammed with members, and 
 having claimed theirattention, observed, that 
 if " King Allen's" coronation were to take 
 place, aiul his champion wtre to throw down 
 ids gauntlet in Wes:min3ter Hall, he would 
 pick it up. "Why? wiiy?" ob8er\-ed Lord 
 Allen. "Why? why?" resonncUd from all 
 the n^embers of the elub. " li^cause," said 
 the banker, " I find he has assumed a title to 
 which he has no claim, for he has com- 
 pounded with his cre^litors, and paid them 
 ten shillings in the pound; he is therefore no 
 king, but merely a half-sovereign." 
 
 One of the eccentricities of Lord All?n was 
 the whiteness of his cravats, which, for the 
 greater portion of his long life, be invariably 
 sent to Shrewsbury to be ivasheil, no matter 
 where he happened to be ; as hi" had ofteE 
 declared that there was but one Uanckiaieuae 
 de cravaOes dans le mntide. 
 
 I
 
 136 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 HAYDOX PAINTING THE « REFOKil BAN- 
 QUET," IN 1832, BELATED BY HIMSELF. 
 
 On the day of this great scene of festive 
 commemoration, I got to the Hall about 
 eight in the morning, like Syntax, with all 
 my materials packed round me, and began 
 instantly to paint and prepare for the evening 
 in an ocean of uproar and confusion, that 
 Babel must have been comparative tranquil- 
 lity. 
 
 Let the reader imagine the crashing of 
 twenty-four hundred plates (for everybody 
 had three) on the tables in ten minutes, 
 from huge baskets placed at intervals ; the 
 jingling of thousands of knives and forks ; 
 the dead thumping of hundreds of salt-cel- 
 lars ; the music of thousands of glasses, 
 tumblers, and bottles ; the calling and quar- 
 relling of waiters ; the scolding of directors ; 
 the tacking of upholsterers ; and the ham- 
 mering of carpenters, — and he will have 
 some notion of what a great city feast is in 
 preparation. 
 
 But all this was peace till the evening 
 approached, and the great hall became 
 crowded with visitors. Before the noise of 
 the morning was half over, the nobility 
 began to arrive to witness the presentation 
 of the freedom to Earl Grey and Lord 
 Althorp ; and as each successive minister 
 and public chariicter appeared, he was hailed 
 by shouts of applause ; for everybody 
 seemed in such spirits they could not com- 
 mand their enthusiasm. It was a proud 
 day, and a glorious and exhilarating scene 
 for Lord Grey and the old Reformers. 
 
 The visitors drew ,up at the usual en- 
 trance, passed in throagh a dingy passage 
 lined with beautiful shrubs, and came out 
 into the hall in a blaze of gas-light, passed 
 through double ranks of visitors, mounted 
 steps between figures in armour, and retired 
 to the council-chamber, where the Corpora- 
 tion were waiting. The whole scene had 
 the air of a splendid rout ; but it was a rout 
 given by the greatest city on earth, to com- 
 memorate the greatest civil triumph ! 
 
 As the ministers passed in to the banquet, 
 I shall never forget my impression of Lord 
 Althorp's bland smile, equally invincible to 
 censure or applause: the Chancellor passed 
 through an uproar of congratulation. The 
 distincf, character of each minister was a tine 
 study for a painter ; nor have I had occasion 
 to obliterate any impressions of that night ; 
 in fact, I have done my best to embody them, 
 such as they were then felt — the noble air of 
 Lord Melbourne; the keen look of Lord John 
 Russell ; the different expressions of Lord 
 Lansdowne and the Duke of Richmond, 
 Lord RipoD, and Sir James Graham. Then 
 came Mr. Stanley, with his eagle eye; and, 
 in the midst of joyful congratulations, Lord 
 Grey. The appearance of Lord Grey, on all 
 ^eat occasions, is one of the finest sights in 
 the world ; and I appeal to eveiy noble Lord, 
 and every member of the House, if this be 
 exaggeration. His tall, stately figure, with 
 Star and ribbon ; his bald front and sable 
 
 hair, a little silvered, curling round it; his 
 sensitive features ; his hair and look, realise 
 to perfection the idea of high rank, refined 
 honour, unimpeachable integrity, great 
 energy, and extreme susceptibility. His 
 appearance on this great night, as he issued 
 out of the dark passage into the blaze of 
 light, a little agitated, was the most interest- 
 ing thing I ever saw. The delight with 
 which he was greeted was indisputable evi- 
 dence of public regard ; and Lord Grey 
 seemed to feel it as the proudest and most 
 afrecting moment of his life. There was an 
 expression too genuine to be mistaken ; many 
 besides myself were deeply touched ; and no 
 man, as Fuseli once said, shall ever convince 
 me that such moments and such feelings are 
 not immortal. 
 
 As soon as the ceremony of giving the 
 freedom was over, dinner was announced. 
 The company rushed in, and soon filled the 
 tables. I mounted my station, on an angle 
 of the great Chatham's monument ; and in 
 sight of eight hundred visitors, some of them 
 the greatest men in the world, proudly dashed 
 away ! 
 
 What a scene it was I The crowding of 
 the waiters; the jostling of servants; the 
 anxiety of the committee to see everybody 
 pleased ; the exhilarating cheers of triumph, 
 from eight hundred Reformers, after every 
 toast; the splendour of the colour; the mag- 
 nificence of the gas ; and then the clanging 
 and fierce harmony of the Russian horn band, 
 which broke in on the buzzing hum of this 
 vast hive of human beings, cannot be con- 
 veyed by any language on earth ! 
 
 The hall was fitted up with the greate|t 
 taste — too much of nothing, and enough of 
 everything. Right over the centre of the 
 great table was a rich trophy of armour, 
 flags, devices, battle-axes, shields, swords, 
 and spears: a great cro.^n in coloured gas 
 Avas above it, with raj's of gas shining round 
 it ; the King's initials were below, and the 
 awful word Rkform above the whole. 
 
 At the end opposite was a magnificent 
 star, in gas ; and down the sides of the hall 
 were two flags and armour, between stars of 
 gas ; while figures in armour, of different 
 periods, stood very grandly about; and at 
 the top of the room, between festoons of 
 crimson draper}-, were five large mirrcrs, 
 which reflected the whole company. 
 
 About eleven o'clock at night, when the 
 gas was at its meridian, its splendour visibly 
 affected everybody in the hall. There was 
 a whispering of applause, which nearly broke 
 out into a roar of approbation. This was 
 the most interesting period of the night. 
 The victory was over, the commemoration 
 complete. The whole seene was a ghttering 
 enchantment — a magnificent vision : at this 
 moment, when all the company seemed re- 
 posing in admiration or thought, and the 
 splendour of the gorgeous scene was at its 
 height, the Duke of Sussex, who had never 
 spoken better than on this night, now rose to 
 take his leave. Lord Grey and the nobility
 
 RAn.WAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 137 
 
 followed; and finding myself, after fifteen 
 hours' -work, in possession of all 1 wanted, 
 and in a state of excitement burderint,^ uii 
 fever, I departed with my sketch which 1 
 have never touched since, and never will. 
 
 GEORGE II. AND THE RECORDER. 
 
 When that vacancy happened on the Ex- 
 chequer Bench which was afterwards tilled 
 b.v Mr. Adams, the Ministry could not agree 
 among themselves whom, to appoint. It was 
 debated in Council, the King, George H 
 being pre.sent ; till the dispute growing very 
 warm, his Majesty put an end to the contest 
 by called out, in broken English, "I will 
 have none of dese, give me the man wid de 
 dying speech," meaning Mv. Adams, who 
 ■was then Recorder of London, and whose 
 business it, therefore, was to make the report 
 to his Majesty of the convicts under sentence 
 of death. 
 
 JOHN WESLEY AND ADAM CLARKE. 
 
 Wesley, being at Guenisej', todk a passage 
 in an linglisii brig to Penzance ; Adam 
 Clarke sailed with him ; the wind became 
 contrary, and they had to make frequent 
 tacks. Mr. Wesley was sitting readin^; in 
 the cabin, and hearing the noise and bustle 
 which were occasioned by putting about the 
 vessel to stand on her difl'ertnt tacks, he put 
 his head above deck, and inquired what was 
 the matter? Being told tliat the wind v/as 
 become contrar}', and the ship was obliged to 
 tack, he said, " 7'lien let vs go to prayer.' 
 His owM company, who were upon deck, 
 walked down; and, at his request. Dr. Coke, 
 Mr. Bradford, and Mr. Clarke wmt to 
 prayer. After the latter had ended, Mr. 
 Wesley broke out into fervent supplication, 
 which seemed to be more the offspring of 
 strong faiih than of mere desire: his words 
 were remarkable, as well as the spirit, evi- 
 dent feeling, and manner in which they were 
 uttered. Some of them were to the follow- 
 ing eflcct: — "Almighty and everlasting 
 God, thou hast sway (f^'erywhere, and all 
 things serve the purpose of thy will : thou 
 boldest the winds in thy lists, and siltest 
 upon the water floods, and reignest a king 
 forever! Command the.se winds and these 
 waves that they obey thee, and take us 
 speedily and safely to the haven where we 
 wo(dd be I' The power of his petition was 
 felt by all. He rose from his knees, made no 
 kind of remark, but took up his book and con- 
 tinued his reading. Mr. Clarke went upon 
 deck, and what was his .surprise, when he 
 found the vessel standing in her right cour.se, 
 with a steady breeze, which slackened not 
 till, carrying them at the rate of nine or ten 
 knots an hour, they anchored safely near St. 
 Michael's Mount, in Penzance Bay. On the 
 Fudden and favourable change of the wind 
 Mr. Wesley made no remark ; so fully did 
 he expect to be heard, that he took for 
 granted he was heard. Such answers to 
 prayer he was in the habit of receiving, and, 
 therefore, to h im tlie occurreruv wof ^lot st range. 
 
 BARE VXmVK. 
 
 The paucity of some persons' good actions 
 reminds one of Jonathan Wild, who was once 
 induced to be guilty of a good action, after 
 fully satisfying himself, upon the niaturest 
 deliberation, that he could gain nothing by 
 refraining from it. 
 
 CHAJrPAGNE. 
 
 ' When the Russian army of invasion passed )C. 
 through Champagne, they took away six 
 hundred thousand bottles from the cellars of 
 M. Meet, of Epernay ; but he considers him- 
 self a gainer by the lo.s.i, his orders from the 
 north having been more than doubled since 
 then. M. Moel's cellars are well deserving 
 of inspection ; he is always happy to do the 
 honours to tourists, and, at parting, presents 
 each with a bottle of the choicest wine. 
 
 i-ORD derwentwater's head. 
 After the execution of Lord Derwent- 
 water, as no preparations had been made for 
 receiving the corpse on the spot, it was con- 
 veyed in a hacknej'- coach to his Lordship's 
 friend.s, while the head itself was set up as a 
 spectacle above Temple- bar, according to the 
 barbarous custom of those times, which had 
 little respect for the dead when party fcelmg 
 was concerned. Here, however, it did not 
 remain long. According to tradition current 
 in the family, the Countess of Derwentwatcr 
 had, beforehand, arranged a plan for its re- 
 moval, which she now carried into effect with 
 equal dexterity and courage. Disguised as 
 a tisherwoman, and accompanied by another 
 female, most probably belonging to th^t 
 class, she passed under Temple-bar in a cart, 
 when .some per.-'ons, who had been previous!}' 
 bribed to the undertaking, dropped the head 
 from above into her lap, and, strange as it 
 may seem, she had the good fortune to get 
 off with her prize in safety. 
 
 ALLEN, EARL KATHURST. 
 
 His Lord.?hip preser\-ed his natural cheer- 
 fulness and vivacity to the very last. To 
 withm a month of his death, which happened 
 en the l(ith of September, 1775, at the age of 
 ninety-one, he constantly rode out on horse- 
 back, two hours before dinner, and constantly 
 drank his bottle of claret or madeira after 
 dinner. He used to repeat often, with a 
 smile, that Dr. Cheyne had assured him, fifty 
 years before, that he would not live seven 
 j'ears longer, unless he abridged himself of 
 his wine. About two years before his death, 
 he invited several of his friends to spend a 
 few cheerful days with him at his seat, near 
 Cirencester; and being, one evening, very 
 loth to part with them, his son (afterward.? 
 Lord Chancellor Bathurst) objected to thi'iv 
 sitting up any longer, adding, that heallh 
 and long life were best secured by regularity. 
 The Karl suffered his son to retire, but as 
 soon as he let't the room, exclaimed, "Come, 
 my good friends, since the old gentleman is 
 gone to bed, 1 think we may venture to crack 
 another bottle ! "
 
 ia» 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 THE STALK LOBSTER. 
 
 A woman who earns her living bj- calling 
 lobsters from house to house, made a dead set, 
 one Monda}', at an old rich bachelor, living 
 in Great Queen-street. She stood upwards 
 of a minute gazing at the window, and sing- 
 ing out, with a wonderful pertinacity, " Presh 
 lobsters !" " The old boy," as she called him, 
 would not deign to pass a look either upon 
 herself or her lobsters. In her rounds all the 
 remaining days of the week she repeated the 
 attempt to seduce the votary of " single bles- 
 sedness" mto taking one of her lobsters, 
 which appeared to her the next best thing to 
 taking a wife. The effort, however, was at- 
 tended with no better success until Satur- 
 da}-, when he listened to the voice of the 
 charmer, and came down-stairs to bargain 
 with her. She had by this time only three 
 left. " My good woman, j'ou make an insuf- 
 ferable noise about these lobsters of yours ; 
 are they as fresh and good as you say?" 
 "In troth, they are, sir ; and that yoiu- ho- 
 nour wDl find, when you try." " Quite sure, 
 now, they are in excellent condition." •' You'll 
 find them to be prime uns, sir — that I'll 
 swear." " See yoi do not deceive me." 
 "Bless your soul, sii', I would not deceive 
 vou for "the world." " Then what's the price 
 of this one?" inquired the bachelor, taking 
 the largest one in his hand. " That's just 
 half-a-crown, and well it's worth the mo- 
 ney." " Won't you take two shillings for it ? 
 [ think that's quite enough." "La! bless 
 you, sir, it cost myself more blunt!" " Then 
 you'll take nothintc less than half a-crown ?" 
 " I cannot take a farthing less sir." " Well, 
 well, let me have it." He deposited the halt- 
 crown in the woman's basket, took up the 
 lobster, wtnt into the house, and shut the door. 
 The woman walked away with the view of dis- 
 posing of tbe remainder of her stock. The old 
 bachelor hastened up-stairs to banquet on the 
 supposed luxury ; but, " shocking to relate," 
 as the penny-a-line historians of accidents 
 say, the moment he opened it, the effluvia 
 which it emitted was such as to cause him 
 involuntarily to start back with so much 
 force, as to endanger his equilibrium. He rang 
 the bell so furiously that the servant rushed 
 up-stairs in a perfec;t fright, tliinking some 
 serious accident had occurred. '■ Here, here," 
 cried he, pointing to the lobster, before Janet 
 had well entered the room; " h;ae, take the 
 tongs, and throw this into the ash-pit." 
 Janet, of course, did as she was desired. On 
 Monday the lobster woman made her appear- 
 ance as usual opposite the enraged bachelor's 
 window, with the old ctory of " PVesh lob- 
 sters !" He rushed down-stairs, opened the 
 door, and acco-ted her with — " How dared 
 you, you slut, bave the impudence to sell me 
 that odious lobster on Saturday as a fresh 
 one?" " Did your honour mean to say it was 
 not fresh ?" said the woman with the most 
 perfect coolness. " Did I say it ? I do say 
 it, you hussey ; the stench on opening it was 
 insufi'ei able." " Well, then, yoiu- honour, and 
 whose fault is it that it was not frejsh? 
 
 Didn't I tall it at your window on Monday, 
 and all the week, and you wouldn't have it 
 when it was fresh?" 
 
 A GRETNA CHSTOMBR. 
 
 A runaway couple were married at Gretna 
 Green. The smith demanded five guineas 
 for his services. "How is this?" said the 
 bridegroom, f the gentleman you last mar- 
 ried assured me that lie only gave you a 
 guinea." " True," Si.id the smith, "but he 
 was an Irishman. I have married him six 
 times. IJe. is a customer. You 1 may never 
 see again." 
 
 ROYAL PUN. 
 
 When a noble Admiral of the White, well 
 known for his g.dlant spirit, his gentlemanly 
 manners, and real goodness of heart, was in- 
 troduced to William the Fourth, to return 
 thanks for bis promotion, the cheerful and 
 afiable Monarch, looking at his hair, which 
 was almost as white as the newly- fallen snow, 
 jocosely exclaimed, " White at tbe main. 
 Admiral ! white at the main !" 
 
 ONE EYE. 
 
 Peres, the Minister and favourite of Phi- 
 lip 11., King of Spuin, a man of great talent, 
 reposed all his happiness in the possession of 
 a mistress who had been deprived of an eye 
 from her birth. Henry IV., conversing one 
 day with Perea, said he could not understand 
 how a lady deprived of one eye could have 
 so many cl'iarms. " Sire," replied Peres, "it 
 is by the providence of Heaven this young 
 lady was born with one eye : with this moiety 
 of 'natural fire she has put all Spain in com- 
 bustion ; if she had possessed two eyes, she 
 would have reduced it to ashes." 
 
 OMENS. 
 
 When George III. was crowned, a large 
 emerald tell from his crown : America was 
 lost in this reign. — When Charles X. was 
 crowned at Rheims, he accidentally dropped 
 his hat: .he Due d'Orleans (Louis Phi- 
 lippe) picked it up and presented it to him. 
 —On the Saturday preceding the promulga- 
 tion of the celebrated ordonnances by Charles 
 X.'s Ministers, the wliite tlag whicU floated 
 on the column in the Place Vendome, and 
 v.as always hoisted when the Royal family 
 were in Paris, was observed to be torn in 
 three places: the tricolor waved in its 
 stead the following week. —The mornin" of 
 its rejection, by the House of Lords, of the 
 first Reform Bill, will be remembered by the 
 ominousappeiirauce of the heavens ; it might 
 be truly said — 
 
 " Tiie dawn was overcast." 
 
 —At the pariod of JSTapole.in's dissolution, oa 
 the 4:th of the month in wliich ho expired, 
 the island of St. Helena was swept by a tre- 
 mendous storm, which tore up almost all the 
 trees about Longwood by the roots. The 5th 
 was another day of tempests; and about six 
 in the evening "Napoleon pronounced " T&te 
 d'armie," and expired.
 
 BA.ILWAY AHECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 139 
 
 O U TWIITINQ. 
 
 A lawyer at Nottinfrham had a wealthy 
 man for his client, who was well known for 
 his practical economy, to say the least of his 
 saving sins. The suit was Icng, and this 
 gentleman, who had hitherto taken but little 
 notice of his legal adviser, suddenly became 
 « profusely civil, for he invited him to dinner, 
 and one bottle of wine, every Sunday ; then, 
 in the course of the evening, the economist 
 was sure to say — in that conlidential, familiar 
 tone, which expesses, I'm talking to yon as 
 a friend, remember theit's nothing to pay — 
 
 " And now, Mr. , I've a little point for 
 
 your consideration," whereupon a regular 
 idiscussion ensued. The la^vyer soon began 
 to suspect his client's cunning manoeuvre, 
 and to saj' to himse'f, "If the beggarly 
 fellow thinks to kill two birds with one stone 
 and to take me in, he's mistaken ;" but he 
 quietly suffered the miser's civility to run on 
 for twelve months; at the end of this period 
 he sent his host in a monstrous bill, contain- 
 ing, amongst sundry week-day charges, the 
 following items, nearh' inth« following words, 
 for every Sunday in the j'ear: — £ e. d. 
 To coming to you, when you sent 
 for me, includirg expenses to 
 and from your house, for horse, 
 chaise, servant, turnpike, &c., 
 
 Sunday, the- * * 2 2 
 
 To counsel, given, as per request, 
 when dining -with you, Sundav, 
 
 the * * * .'. G 8 
 
 There was i:o disputing the matter, and Ihe 
 money was paid. 
 
 EUGKNK ARAM. 
 
 A correspondent of the Gentleman's 
 llafiazine writes: — "In March, 1837, I v.as 
 at Wisboach, and happening to hear that an 
 old woman in the almshouses had been pre- 
 sent when Eugene Aram was apprehended at 
 Lynn, in the year 1757, I paid her a visit. 
 She informed me, that, at the time of his 
 being apprehended, she was a girl of eleven 
 years of age ; that he was put into the chaise 
 handcutfed, and that the boys of the school 
 were in tears; that he was much esteemed 
 by them, having been used to associate with 
 them in their play-hours. She said that the 
 picture of his person in the 'Newgate 
 Calendar' is the express image of him; and 
 she mentioned (what I had heard before, but 
 not with her peculiar phrase) that he always 
 wore his hat banykd, which she explained, 
 ' bent down, or slouched.' One remark she 
 made which I think very interesting, and 
 worthy of record. She said that it had been 
 observed that in looking behind him he never 
 turned his head or his person partly round, 
 but always turned round at once bodily. I 
 give you her very words. Has any poet, any 
 observer ot nature, ever depicted this in- 
 stance of fear mustering up resolution ? I do 
 not remember anj' description of the kind. 
 How thankful would iVIr. Bulwer have 
 been for the anecdote, had he received it iu 
 time I" 
 
 PRACTICAL KETOnr. 
 
 In the theatre at Weimar, in Germany, 
 not long ago, there were only seven pers'^ns 
 in the house. The pit took offence at the 
 miserable acting of a performer, and hissed 
 liim energetically'; whereupon the manager 
 brought his company on the stage, and out- 
 hissed the visitors, 
 
 ODD JUSTICE. 
 
 The Quakers resident in Philadelphia 
 applied to their society, as they do not go to 
 law, to decide in the following ditHculty. A. 
 is uneas)' about a ship that ought to have 
 arrived ; meets B., an u.surer, and states his 
 wish to have the vessel insured : the matter 
 is agreed upon. A. returns home, and re- 
 ceives a letter informing him of the loss of 
 his ship. What shall be Jo.' He is afraid 
 that the policy is not tilled up, and should B. 
 hear of the matter soon, it is all over with 
 him ; hetheretbre writes to B. thus, •' Friend 
 15., if thee hesn't filled up the policy, thee 
 need'nt, for I've heard of the ship." "Oh, 
 oh!" thinks B. to himself, "cunning fellow, 
 he wants to do me out of the premium." So 
 he writes thus to A., " Friend ^V., thee bee'st 
 loo late by half an hour, the policy is filled up." 
 A. rubs his hands with delight ; yet B. refuses 
 to jiay. Well, what is the decisioi. ? The 
 loss is divided between them. Perhaps this 
 is even-handed justice, though unquestion- 
 ably en odd decibion. 
 
 TOO L.\.TE AT CHURCH. 
 
 An old clergyman relates : — " I had a ser- 
 vant with a very deceptive name, Samuel 
 Moral, who, as if merely to belie it, was in 
 one respect the moat immoral, for he was 
 much given to intoxication. This, of course, 
 brought on other careless habits ; and, as I 
 wished to reclaim him, if po.'^sible, I long 
 bore with him, and many a lecture I gave 
 him. ' Oh, Samuel, Samuel,' said 1 to him 
 very frequently, ' what will become of you?' 
 On o'le occasion I told him he was making 
 himself a brute, and then only was he roused 
 to reply angrily, ' Bru'e, sir — no brute at all, 
 
 sir — was brtd and bom at T .' But the 
 
 incident which woukl inevitabl}' have uf)set 
 the equilibrium of your gravity was this. I 
 had given him many a lecture f >r being too 
 late at church, but still I could not make 
 him punctual. One Sunday, as I was read- 
 ing the lir.-t lesson, which happened to be the 
 third chapter, first book of Samuel, I saw 
 him run in at the church door, ducking down 
 his head that he should not be noticed. lie 
 made as much haste as he could up into the 
 gallery, and he had no sooner appeared in 
 the front, thinking of nothing but that he 
 might escape observation, than I came to 
 these words, 'Samuel, Samuel.' I never can 
 forget his attitude, (irtctly facing me. He 
 stood up in an instant, leane<l over the rail- 
 ing, with his mouth wide open, and, if some 
 one had not pulled him down instantly by 
 the skirt of his coat, I have no doubt he 
 would haveftublicly made his eKcuae."
 
 14: 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 S\VALWl^\^KG KNn'ES. 
 
 Dr. Marcet, in the " Medico-Chirurgical 
 Transactions," 1822, relates the history of an 
 English sailor, who, in imitation of a con- 
 juror, whose tricks he had just witnessed, 
 and in a drunken frolic, swallowed several 
 clasp-knives, and ten years afterwards died 
 in Guy's Hospital. Several most skilful sur- 
 geons examined his body with great interest 
 and attention ■ to the astonishment of all, the 
 blades of many knives were found in his in- 
 terior, " some of them remarkablj' corroded 
 and prodigiously reduced in size, whilst others 
 were, comparatively, in a state of tolerable 
 preservation." The knives are still to be seen 
 in the museum attached to the hospital. 
 
 A CROCICETTER. 
 
 Colonel Crocket, while on an electioneer- 
 ing trip, fell in at a gathering-, and it be- 
 came necessary for him to treat the company. 
 His finances were rather low, having but 
 one 'coon skin about him ; however, he 
 pulled it out, slapped it down on the counter, 
 and called for its value in wbiskej-. The 
 merchant measured out the whiskey and 
 threw the skin into the loft. The colonel 
 observing the logs very open, took out his 
 ramrod, and, upon the merchant turning 
 his back, twisted his 'coon skin out and 
 pocketed it : when more whiskey was wanted, 
 ;be same skin was pulled out, slapped upon 
 the counter, and its value called for. This 
 trick was played until they were all tired of 
 drinking. 
 
 EATING PIG 
 
 The Lady Guilla, an Italian Countess of 
 the eleventh centui-y, wanting, it would 
 seem, a dinner, carried off a pig from a wi- 
 dow close by, set her cooks hard to work 
 on it, and when it was ready sat dov/n to 
 dinner. The widow had often begged that 
 the victim might be given back to her, but 
 the Countess, having snuffed up the savour 
 of roast pig in " her mind's nose," turned a 
 deaf ear to all solicitations. The widow, 
 nothing daunted, broke in upon her in the 
 very act of eating the pig, and (very reason- 
 ably) begged that she might at least have a 
 taste of this pig of her own feeding. " Let 
 me," she said, " though not thought worthy 
 to enjoy in the accustomed way what I 
 nursed and fed so carefully, at least have a ^ 
 taste of its last savour." The proud matron 
 not only refused her a morsel of the pig, ! 
 but told her, in the most insolent manner, 
 that she shiuld have none. But the very ' 
 same day, after dinner, "having thus fat- 
 tened her stomach by this robberv of another ! 
 person," she went out for a stroll, and sat ' 
 down under the side of the castle moat. ! 
 While she was there some of the fortifica- 
 tions above gave way, and towers and earth 
 came down on her. They set men to dig her 
 out, but the weight which had fallen on her 
 was such as to have beaten her to atoms ; or, 
 as the narrator says, in his pointed way, " She 
 who had denied a piece of pork to the widow, 
 was smashed into pieces herself." 
 
 CHELSEA HEROINES. 
 
 In the j-ear 1739 was interred in the Col- 
 lege burj'ing-ground Christian Divies, alias 
 Mother Ross, who, according to her own nar- 
 rative, served in several campaigns under 
 King William and the Duke of Marlbo- 
 rough, and behaved with signal biavtrj'. 
 During the latter part of her life she resid^ 
 at Chelsea, where her third husband was 
 a pensioner in the college. At this time she 
 subsisted, as she tells us, principally on the 
 benevolence of the quality at Court, whither 
 she went twice a week in a hackney-coach, 
 old age and infirmities having rendered her 
 unable to walk. 
 
 The famous Hannah Snell, whose his- 
 tory is recorded in various publications 
 of the year 1750, was actually at that 
 lime put upon the out-pensioners list at 
 Chelsea, on account of the wounds which 
 she received at the siege of Pondicherry. 
 Her singular storj- excited a contiderable 
 share of public attention ; and she was en- 
 gaged to sing, and perform the military ex- 
 ercises at various places of public entertain- 
 ment : soon afterwards she married one Ej'les. 
 a carpenter at Newbury. A lady of fortune, 
 who admired the heroism and eccentricity of 
 her conduct, having honoured her with par- 
 ticular notice, became godmother to her son, 
 and contributed liberally to his education. 
 Mrs. Eyles, to the day of her death, conti- 
 nued to receive her pension, which, in the 
 year 178G, was augmented by a .special grant 
 to a shilling a day. In the latter part of her 
 life she discovered sjTnptoms of insanity, and 
 was admitted a patient into Bethlehem Hos- 
 pital, where she died, February 8, 1792, aged 
 69 j'ears. 
 
 soldier's appe.\l. 
 During the siege of Fort Philip, a young 
 lieutenant of the Marines was so unhappy as 
 to lose both his legs by a chain shot. In this 
 miserable and helpless condition he was con- 
 veyed by the first opportunity to England, 
 and a memorial of his case presented to an 
 honourable board, in order to obtain some 
 additionalconsiderationtothe narrow stipend 
 of half-pay. The Board pitied the youth, but 
 disregarded his petition. Major Mason had the 
 poorlieutenant conducted to Court on a public 
 day, in his uniform, where, posted ia the 
 guard-room, and supported by two brother 
 officers, he cried out, as George II. was pass- 
 ing to the drawingroom, " Bthold, great sire, 
 a man who refuses to bend his knee to you : 
 he has lost both in your service." The King, 
 struck no less bv the singularity of this ad- 
 dress than by the melancholy object before 
 him, stopped and hastily demanded what 
 had been done for him. '• Hall-pay," replied 
 the lieutenant, '"an't please your .Majesty." 
 " Fie, fie on't," said the King, shaking his 
 Taead, " but let me see j-ou again next levee 
 da}'." The lieutenant did not fail to appear 
 at the place of assignation, when he received 
 from the immediate hands of Royalty five 
 hundred pounds smart money, and a pension 
 of two hundred a year.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE IJOOK. 
 
 141 
 
 TOHK8HIBK F UX. 
 
 The assizes and the theatre always open 
 together at York ; and it is common to hear 
 the Tykes say, " Eh, lad, ther'll be fun next 
 week ; t'pla'ctors is cuming, and t'men's to 
 be buiig all at t'ayame time." 
 
 AWKWAED HONOUR. 
 
 In 1832 a medical gentleman wrote a letter 
 to Sir Henry Halford on cholera, in which he 
 took to himself the credit of being " the 
 first to discover the disease, and communicate 
 it to the public f The public is much 
 obliged to him. 
 
 GOVERNESSES. 
 
 A lady ^vT0te to her son, requesting him to 
 look out for a lady, such as she described, 
 and such as is ordinarily' expected in a 
 governess, that is to Fay, all-accomplished, 
 with the disposition of an angel. The gen- 
 tleman wrote back that he had long been 
 looking out for such a person, and that when 
 he found her he should not recommend her 
 for a governess, but take her for a wife. 
 
 MRS. TROLLOPK's OONVERSAITON WITH AN 
 AMERICAN WOMAN. 
 
 "Well now, so you be from the old 
 countiT ? Ay, you'll see sights here, I 
 guess." 
 
 ** I hope I shall see many." 
 
 " That's a fact. Why thej* do say, that 
 if a poor body contrives to be smart enough 
 to scrape together a few dollars, that your 
 King George always comes down upon 'em, 
 and takes it all away. Don't he?" 
 
 " I do not remember hearing of such a 
 transacticn." 
 
 " I guess they be pretty close about it. 
 Your papers ben't like ourn, 1 reckon. Now 
 we says and prints just what we likes." 
 
 " You spend a good deal of time in reading 
 the newspapers." 
 
 " And I'd like you to tell me how we can 
 spend it better. How should freemen spend 
 their time, but looking after their Govern- 
 ment, and watching that them fellers as we 
 gives offices to doos their duty, and gives 
 themselves no airs?" 
 
 " But 1 sometimes think, ma'am, that 
 your fences might be in more thorough 
 repair and your roads in better order, if less 
 time was spent in politics." 
 
 " The Lord ! to see how little you knows 
 of a free country. Why, what's the smooth- 
 ness of a road put against the freedom of a 
 free-born American ? And what does a 
 broken zig-zag signify, comparable to know- 
 ing tliat the men what we have been pleased 
 to send up to Congress speaks handsome and 
 straight, as we choses they should?" 
 
 "It is from asense of duty, then, that you 
 all go to the liquor store to read tlie papers?" 
 
 " To be shure it is, and he'd be no true- 
 born American as didn't. I don't say that 
 the father of a family sh' uld always be after 
 liquor, but I do say that I'd rather have my 
 son drunk three times in a week than not to 
 look aft« the affairs of bis country." 
 
 SNAKE srOKY. 
 
 A snake, about two feet long, was seen, 
 in New Harmony (United States), to enter the 
 hole inhabited by a craw-fish, from which he 
 soon retreated, followed by the right- 
 ful tenant, who stopped in defensive atti- 
 tude at the mouth of his habitation, raising 
 his claws in defiance. The saake turned 
 ' quickly round, and seized the head of the 
 I craw-tish,as if to swallow him ; but the craw- 
 ' fish soon put an end to the conflict, by clasp- 
 ! ing the snake's neck with his claws, and 
 I severing the head completely from his body. 
 ] This may appear marvellous ; but Audubon 
 tells a i-tory of a rattle-snake chasing and 
 overtaking a squirrel, which folks in America 
 doubt. 
 
 CAPILLARY ATTRACTION. 
 
 When Charles II. was espoused to the In- 
 fanta of Portugal, a fleet was sent over to 
 Lisbon, with proper attendants, to bring her 
 hither; but her Majesty being irifornied that 
 there were some particular customs in Portu- 
 gal, with relation to the ladies, which tlie 
 King would not easily dispense with, the 
 fleet wa3 detained six or seven weeks, at a 
 preat expense, till her Majesty's hair grew. — 
 (ilr. Prince, with his Kusiianoil, would have 
 prospered under Royal patronage in those 
 lidvs; and Mr. Rowland would not have 
 needed immortality in Byron's verse : *' In- 
 comparable huik Macassar") 
 
 ORIGIN OF THK HOUSE OF RUSSELL. 
 
 The Russell family may date the era of 
 their greatness to a violent storm, which 
 happened about the year 15 JO, on the coast 
 of Dorset, a county which appears to have 
 been the birthplace of their ancestors, one of 
 whom was Constable of Corfe Castle, in the 
 year 1221. Philip, Archduke of Austria, son 
 of the liniperor Maximilian, being on a voy- 
 age to Spain, was obliged by the fury of a 
 sudden tempest to take refuge in the harbour 
 of Weymouth. He was received on shore, 
 and accommodated by Sir Tlios. Trenchard, 
 who invited his relation, Mr. John Russell, to 
 wait upon the Archduke. Philip was so 
 much pleased with tlie polite manners and 
 cultivated talents of Mr. Russell, who was 
 conversant with both the French and German 
 languages, that, en arriving At court, he re- 
 commended him to the notice of Henry VII.. 
 who immediately sent for him to his palace, 
 where he remained in great favour till the 
 King's death. In the estimation of Henry 
 VI II. he rose still higher. By that monarch 
 he was made Lord Warden of the Stannaries, 
 Lord Admiral of England and Ireland, 
 Knight of trie Garter, and Lord Privy Seal, 
 and on the 9rh of March, 1.73S, created Baron 
 Russell, of Cheneys, in the county of Bucks, 
 which estate he afterwards acquired by mar- 
 riage. At the coronation of Edward VI. he 
 otticiatcd m Lurd High Steward; and two 
 j'ears afierwards, in the year 1549, was 
 created Karl of Bedford. He died in 155i, 
 and was buried at Cheneys, where maay if 
 his descendants have also been interred, &C.
 
 142 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK, 
 
 CirWKLCOMB TITLE. 
 
 Charles Ineledon, the vocalist, being asked 
 if he had ever read Murray's " Sermons to 
 Asses," replied, "He had not; he did not 
 like the book ; the title was too personal." 
 
 PUBLIC ACCOUNTS. 
 
 At one period, while the Duke of New- 
 castle was in power, in the reign of George 
 II., many serious complaints were made rela- 
 tive to the settlement of public accounts. 
 The Kmg, at length, became acquainted 
 with the alleged grievances, and warmly 
 remonstrated with the Duke on his careless- 
 ness and inattention ; protested that he was 
 determined, at once, for his own satisfaction 
 and that of his aggrieved people, to look 
 into the papers himself. " Is your Majesty 
 in earnest?" asked the Duke. The King 
 replied in the affirmative, and the Duke pro- 
 mised to send him the accounts. At an early 
 hour on the following morning, the King was 
 disturbed by an extraordinary noise in the 
 courtyard of his Palace, and, looking out of 
 the window he perceived a cart or a waggon 
 laden with books and papers, which, on 
 inquiry, he found had been sent b}' the 
 Duke of Newcastle. Shortly afterward?, the 
 Minister himself appeared, and the King 
 asked him what he meant by sending a 
 waggon- load of stationery to the Palace. 
 
 " Th'jse are the documents relative to the 
 public accounts," replied his Grace, "which 
 j'our Majesty insisted on examining; and 
 there is no other mode of forwarding them 
 except by carts or waggons. I except a 
 second load will arrive in a few minutes." 
 
 " Then, my Lord Duke," replied the King, 
 "you may make a bonfire of them for me. 
 I would rather be a galle}-- slave than go 
 through the rubbish ; so away ■with it, and 
 countermand the cart which you say is 
 coming ; but pray let me hear no more com- 
 plaints on this subject." 
 
 On another occasion, he sent, in a fury, for 
 the Duke's brother, Mr. Pelham, and in- 
 quired, in a coarse and angry manner, why 
 the civil list had not been paid. Pelham 
 replied that he had been compelled to use 
 the money for some jiublic and more im- 
 portant purpose. The King, however, would 
 not admit of this excu.se , and swore, if the 
 arrears were not instantly paid, he would get 
 another Minister. " I am determined,'" said 
 he, "not to be the only master in my domi- 
 nions who does not pay his servants' wages." 
 
 One day it appears that he was actually 
 without a shilling in his pocket ; for it is 
 related that a half idiot labourer, while the 
 King was inspecting the progi'ess of some 
 repairs at Kensington, having asked his 
 Majesty for something to drink, the King, 
 although offended, was yet ashamed to refuse 
 the fellow, and put his hand into the usual 
 receptacle of his cash, but, to his furprise and 
 confusion, found it empty. " I have no 
 money," said he angiily. "Nor I either," 
 quoth the labourer; "and, for my part, I 
 can't think what has become of it all." 
 
 A SCOLDIITQ WIFE. 
 
 Dr. Casin having heard the famous Thomaa 
 Fuller repeat some vi-rses on a scolding wife, 
 was so delighted with them as to request a 
 copy. "There is no necessity for that," said 
 Fuller, " as you have got the original." 
 
 HONOUR. 
 
 William III. having insisted on Lord 
 
 H n's giving him his honour not to fight 
 
 a man who had given him a box on the ear, 
 his Lordship was obliged seemingly to com- 
 ply ; but as soon as he was out of the King's 
 presence, he fought the man. The King was 
 at first highly incensed at his breaking his 
 word with him, and asked him how he came 
 to do so, when he had just given liim his ho- 
 nour. " Sire," replied his Lordship, " you 
 were in the wrong to take such a pledge, 
 for at the time I gave it you I had no honour 
 to give." 
 
 A DANCING AECHBISHOP. 
 
 Dr. King, Archbishop ol Dublin, having 
 invited several persons of distinction to dine 
 with him, had, amongst a great variety of 
 dishes, a fine leg of mutton and caper sauce; 
 but the Doctor, who was not fond of butter, 
 and remarkable for preferring a trencher to 
 a plate, had some of the above-mentioned 
 pickle introduced dry for his use; which, as 
 he was mincing, he called aloud to the com- 
 pany to observe him. " I here present j'ou, 
 my Lords and gentlemen," said he, "with a 
 sight that ma}' henceforward serve you to 
 talk of as .something curiou?, namely, that 
 you saw an Achbishop of Dublin, at four- 
 score and seven years of age, cut capers upon' 
 a trencher." 
 
 dolls' eyes. 
 
 Insignificant as maj' appear this pettj' ar- 
 ticle of commerce, it is well known to keep 
 in employ sevf lal thousand hands, and goes 
 to show the vast importance of trifles to a 
 countr}- of decided com mercialiats. Mr. Osier, 
 an intelligent manufacturer of Birmingham, 
 gave the following statement before the com- 
 mittee of the House of Commons, in 1824. — 
 " Eighteen years ago, on my first journey to 
 London, a respectable-looking man in the 
 city asked me if I could supf ly him v.itli 
 dolls' eyes ; and I was tbolish enough to feel 
 half offended. I thought it dei'ogatory to 
 my new dignity as a manufacturer to make 
 dolls' eyes. He tock me into a room quite as 
 wide, and twice the length of this (one of 
 the large rooms for committees in the House 
 of Commons), and we had just room to walk 
 between the stacks, from the fio. r to the 
 ceiling, of parts of dolls. He said these were 
 only the lees and arms, the trunks were be- 
 low ; but 1 saw enough to convince me that 
 he wanted a great many eyes ; and as the ar- 
 ticle appeared quite in my own line of busi- 
 ness, 1 said I would take an order by way of 
 expeiiment, and he showed me several spe- 
 cimens. I copied the order, and on returning 
 to the Tavistock Hotel I found it amounted 
 to upwards of £500."
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 143 
 
 «/ FAMILY SLAL'GHTER. 
 
 ^ In WestmoreJand it is osual at Christmaa 
 for the farmers to kill each a slieep tor their 
 own use, on which oceasion, when the butcher 
 inrjuires if they want any meat against 
 Christmaa, the osaal reply is, ** Nay, I think 
 not. I think o' killing mysell." A butcher 
 called on a farmer of his acquaintance in the 
 usual manner, saying, " Will ye want a bit 
 o' meat, or ye'll kill yersell, this Christmas? ' 
 "Ikna not," replied the farmer, " whet lier 
 Pge kill mysell, or tak' a side o' me fyv- 
 ther." 
 
 DR. PARR. 
 
 Dr. Parr used, on a Sunday evening, after 
 church, to sit on the green, at Hatton, with 
 his pipe and his jug, and witness the exer- 
 tions of his parishioners in the truly English 
 game of cricket, making only one proviso, 
 that none should join the partly who had not 
 previously been to church. It is needless to 
 say his presence was an effectual check on all 
 disorderly conduct ; the skittl— grounds were 
 deserted, and a belter conducted parish was 
 rarely .seen than the worthy doctor's. He 
 was beloved by his flock during his life, and 
 sincerely lamented at his death. 
 
 , DESPERATE DEFKNCE. 
 
 ^ The mo.st remarkable of the desperate de- 
 fences in the war in Spain in 1835 was that 
 of the Alcade Ma3'or of the village of Albo- 
 ca4jer. On th» approach of Cabrera and bis 
 (Carlist) troops, the Alcade Mayor com- 
 manding the National Guard shut himself 
 up in the church with twelve men, dismiss- 
 ing the rest of the inhabitants. As usual, 
 the church was set on fire, and he retired 
 into the tower accompanied by only two men. 
 The latter, giving th«-mselves up for lost, 
 thought that, by sacrificing their leader, they 
 might save their own lives. C>ne of them 
 fired a pistol, which missed him ; the Alcade 
 killed the a^■3a8sin with a blow of his dagger, 
 cast the other man from the tower, and thus 
 remained to defend himself alone : the tower 
 was at last pulled down, and by the greatest 
 chance he fell among the ruins unwounded, 
 and remained cli)sely concealed under a bell ; 
 the Carlists sought for him in v.iin, and re- 
 tired. The brave Alcade seized his arms, 
 nished from the ruins of the church, and with 
 a stentorian voice cried aloud, " 'i'he Alcade 
 Mayor of Alboca^er is still alive ! Liberty for 
 Ter!" He discharged his piece upon his 
 enemies, and succei ded in effecting his es- 
 cape, in the midst ot the contusion which his 
 sudden reappearance had caused. 
 
 KOAST PIO. 
 
 How this mnrceau from Tictz's " Constan- 
 tinople" would have gratified Charles Lamb. 
 The Russian -Ambassador, Id. Von iJulgakow, 
 who, during the last year of the preceding 
 century, was fir some time an inhabitant 
 of the Seven Towers, discovered a safe and 
 clever mode of receiving intelligence from 
 bis friends on the exterior. Having a most 
 extraordinary appetite for r^aat pig, his 
 
 agents endeavonreff, by fi-e<piently sending 
 him this dish, to gratify his wishes. The 
 well-known pn judice of the Turks against 
 pork made the then exi-ting .Janissaries pass 
 by the messengers with rapidity, without be- 
 stowing on tlnm the requisite inspection. 
 Had they but known that the stuffing of the 
 little animal coneistetl of important letters, 
 they would not, probably, have hesitated as 
 to his dissection. But the Turks are a 
 kindly people, and very little prnne to sus- 
 picion. "Allah kerim ! " they would exclaim ; 
 "if ^e had wished that the correspondence 
 should be discovered, fome miracle would, 
 doubtlesslv, have exposed the inside of the 
 pig to light ! " 
 
 IIARI/IW'S 3IGN-PAINTTNO. 
 
 There is a nice little anecdote connected 
 with the sign of the Queen's Head at Epsom. 
 The above sign (the original^ for the board 
 has been repainte'1) was executed by Har- 
 low, the artist of the celebrated picture of 
 " The Trial of Queen Katherine ; or, the 
 Kemble Family." The painter, it will be 
 remembered, was a pupil of the late Sir 
 Thomas r^awrence. He was a young man 
 of consummate vanity, and, having unwar- 
 rantably claimed the merit of painting the 
 Newfoundland dog introduced in Lawrence's 
 portrait of Mrs. Angerstein, the two artists 
 quarrelled, and Harlow took his resentment 
 as follows. He repaired to the Queen's 
 Head, at Epsom, where his style of living 
 having incurred a bill which he could not 
 discharge, he proposed, like Slorland under 
 similar circumstances, to paint a sign- board 
 in liquidation of his score. This was ac- 
 cepted. He painted loth sides : the one 
 presented a front view of her Majesty, in a 
 sort of clever, dashing caricature of Sir Tho- 
 mas's style ; the other represented the back 
 view of the Queen's person, as if looking 
 into the sign-board ; and underneath was 
 painted, " T L., Greek-street, Soho." When 
 Sir Thomas met him, he addressed him with, 
 " I have seen your additional act of perfidy 
 at Epsom ; and, if you were not a scoundrel, 
 1 would kick you from one end of the street 
 to the other." " There is some privilege in 
 being a scoundrel, for the street is very long," 
 replied Harlow, unabashed, but moving out 
 of reach of the threatened vengeance. Such 
 is the current story ; but there must be some 
 error either in the facts or their date. Har- 
 low was but a youth eighteen years old when 
 ho> left Lawrence, and too young, therefore, 
 for a man's resentment ; neither liad his con- 
 duct, a mere tricky slip, been such as to call 
 forth fierce language in a person habitually 
 50 cautious and guarded as Lawrence. On 
 the other hand, had Harlow an-ived at man- 
 hood when it happened, he would not have 
 allowed the words "scoundrel" and "per- 
 fidy " to pass with impunity. However all 
 this may have been, the pupil quarrelled with 
 Lawrence, and, re-solving to be master of his 
 own movements in future, commenced work- 
 ing tor himself.
 
 144 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 SHSBIDAN S WIT. 
 
 Sheridan enjoyed a aistinguished reputa- 
 tion for colloquial wit. From among the best 
 of the occasional dicta, &c. attributed to him, 
 the following are selected : — 
 
 An tlderly maiden lady, an inmate of a 
 country-house at which Sheridan was passing 
 a few days, expressed an inclination to take 
 a stroll with him, but he excused himself on 
 account of the badness of the weather. 
 Shortly afterwards, she met him sneaking 
 out alone. " So, Mr. Sheridan," said she, 
 " it has cleared up." "Yes, madam," was the 
 reply ; " it certainly has cleared up enough 
 for one, but not enough for two ;" and off he 
 went. 
 
 He jocularly observed, on one occasion, to 
 a creditor, who peremptorily required pa}'- 
 nient of the interest due on a long-standing 
 debt, " iMy dear sir, jou know it is not my 
 interest to pay the principal; nor is it my 
 pri7iciple to pay the interest." 
 
 One day, the Prince of Wales having ex- 
 patiated on the beauty of Dr. Darwin's 
 opinion, that the reason why the bosom of a 
 beautiful woman possesses such a fascinating 
 eft'ect on mnn is, because he derived from that 
 source the first pleasurable sensations of his 
 irrfancy, Sheridan ridiculed the idea very 
 happil}-. " Such children, then," said he, 
 "as are brought up by hand, must needs be 
 indebted for similar sensations to a very dif- 
 ferent object; and j'et, I believe, no man has 
 ever i'elt any intense emotion of amatory de- 
 light at beholding a pap-spoon." 
 
 JBoaden, the author of several theatrical 
 pieces, having given Drury-Lane Theatre 
 the title of a wilderness, Sheridan, when re- 
 quested shortly afterwards to pioduce a 
 tragedy written by Boaden, replied, " The 
 wise and discreet author calls our house a 
 wilderness. Now, I don't mind allowing the 
 oracle to have his opinion ; but it is really 
 too much for him to expect that I will suffer 
 him to prove his words." 
 
 He once took advantage of the singular 
 appetite oi his friend Kichardson for argu- 
 ment, to evade payment of a heavy coach- 
 fare. Sheridan had occupied a hackney- 
 coach for several hours, and had not a pennj' 
 in his pocket to pay (he coachman. While 
 in this dilemma, Kichardson passed, and he 
 immediately proposed to take the disputant 
 up, as they appeared to be going in the same 
 direction. The oft'er was accepted, and She- 
 ridan adroitly started a subject on which his 
 companion was ver}* vehement and obstinate. 
 The argument was maintained with great 
 warmth on both sides, until at length Slieri- 
 dan ati'ected to lose his temper, and, pulling 
 the check-string, commanded the coachman 
 to let him out instantly, protesting that he 
 would not lide another yard with a man who 
 held such opinions, and supported them in 
 such a manner. So saying, he descended, 
 and walked off, leaving Kichardson to enjoy 
 his fancied triumph, and to pay the whole 
 '..lid. Kichardson, it is said, m a paroxysm 
 ji' delight at Saeridaii's apparent defeat, put 
 
 his head out of the window, and vociferated 
 his arguments until he was out of sight. 
 
 THREE REASONS. 
 
 " There is nothing in the world I awi so 
 fond of as a play, Tom," said an old lady to 
 her nephew, " and, but for three reasons, 1 
 should be a great frequenter of the theatres." 
 " And what may those reasons be, my dear 
 aunt? ' " Whj', Tom, first I hate the trou- 
 ble of going thither ; next, I hate the trouble 
 of staying there; and, lastly, I hate the 
 trouble of coming home again." 
 
 LADY DROGHEDA AND WILLIAM 
 WYCHERLEY. 
 
 Several years after the appearance of his 
 play of "The Plain Dealer," Wycherley en- 
 countered the Countess of Drogheda, a young, 
 rich, and beautiful widow, at Tunbridge. 
 They met in a bookseller's shop. The lady 
 came to inquire for " The Plain Dealer," and 
 the master of the shop presently introduced 
 Wycherley to her as the real Plain Dealer. 
 This must have been subsequently to June, 
 1679, when the Earl died. The poet and the 
 Countess were soon after privately married. 
 The lady was (probably not without good 
 reason) distractedly jealous. Dennis relates 
 that their lodgings were in Bow-street, Co- 
 vent-garden, opposite the Cock Tavern; 
 and that, it' at any time he entered that 
 place of refreshment with his friends, he was 
 obliged to leave the windows open, that she 
 might see that there was no woman in the 
 company Of course, a person of this dispo- 
 sition would feel considerable reluctance to 
 trust her husband at Court. The infrequency 
 of Wycherley's appearance there gave um- 
 brage, and lost him the favour of Charles. 
 The Countess did not long survive her mar- 
 riage. She settled her whole estates upon 
 Wycherley ; but the settlement was disputed, 
 and the dramatist, ruined by law and extra- 
 vagance, was thrown into prison. There he 
 lay for several years. It is said he was at 
 last relieved by James II., who having gone 
 to see "The Plain Dealer" acted, was so de- 
 lighted, that he was induced to give orders 
 for the payment of the ai;thor's debts, and 
 -for the grant of a pension of £200 per 
 annum. Wycherley did not profit i>y the 
 King's liberality to the full extent, for, 
 ashamed to confess the amount of his debts, 
 he understated them. His pension dropped 
 at the Revolution. He fatiier's estate, to 
 which he succeeded some years later, was 
 strictly entailed, and the income fell, under 
 an attachment, for the creditors. Tne poet, 
 nevertheless, continued to struggle on till 
 1715, the year of his death. Eleven days 
 before that event, in the eightieth year of 
 his age, he was married to a younc v/oman 
 with a fortune of £1500. What attractions 
 such a match could possess for the lady, it is 
 difhcult to imagine. He contrived to spend 
 a good deal of her money ; l)ut repaid her on 
 his death-bed by the judicious ad%'ice, " not 
 to take an old man fur hei second husband."
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 145 
 
 PUNS BY GEORGE IV. 
 
 The best sayings attributed to George IV. 
 are a set of middling puns, of which the fol- 
 lowing is a favourable selection : — 
 
 When Langdale's distillery was plun- 
 dered, during the riots of the year 1780, 
 he asked why the proprietor had not 
 defended his property. " ile did not 
 possess the means to do so," was the re- 
 ply. "Not tiie means of defence!" ex- 
 claimed the Prince ; " and he a brewer — a 
 man who iias been all his life at cart and 
 tierce .'" 
 
 Sheridan having told him that Fox 
 had cooed in vain to Miss rulteney, the 
 Prince replied, " that his friend's attempt on 
 the lady's heart was a coup manque.'" 
 
 He once quoted, from Suetonius, the words 
 "Jure casus videtur,' to prove, jestingly, 
 that trial by Jury was as old as the time of 
 the lirst Ca3-ar. 
 
 A newspaper panegyric on Fox, appa- 
 rently from the. pen of Doctor Parr, having 
 been' presented to his Koyal Highness, 
 he said that it reminded him of Machiavers 
 epitaph, " T<into nomini nullum Par culo- 
 gium." 
 
 A cavalry officer- at a court ball, ham- 
 mered the floor with his heels so very 
 loudly, that the Prince observed, " If the 
 war between the mother country and her co- 
 lonies had not terminated, he might have 
 been seat to America as a republication of 
 the slump act." 
 
 While the Piince's regiment was in daily 
 expectation of receiving orders for Ireland, 
 some one told him that country quarters in 
 the sister kingdom were so filthy, that the 
 rich uniforms of his corps would soon be la- 
 mentably soiled. " Let the men act as dra- 
 goons, then," said his lioyal Highness, "and 
 scour the country^ 
 
 When Home Tooke, on being com- 
 mitted to prison for treason, proposed, 
 while in jail, to give a series of din- 
 ners to his friends, the Prince remarked 
 that, "As an inmate of Newgate, he would 
 act more consistentlv by establishing a Ketch 
 club." 
 
 Michael Kelly having turned wine-mer- 
 chant, the Prmce rather facetiously said, 
 " that Mick imported his music, and com- 
 posed his wine !" 
 
 DONCASTKR RACKS. 
 
 On more accounts than one, our turf pro- 
 ceedings must make foreigners marvel. 
 Some years since, a French gentleman visited 
 Donc;'.ster, and gave to it the appellation of 
 "• the guinea meeting " — nothing without the 
 guinea. " There was (said he) the guinea 
 for entering the rooms to hear the people bet. 
 There was the guinea for my dinner at the 
 hotel. There was the guinea for the stand 
 for myself; and (Oh ! execrable !) the guinea 
 for the stand for my carriage. There was the 
 guinea for my servant's bed, and (Ah I mon 
 Dien !) ten guineas for mj own, for only two 
 nigi. s!'-' 
 
 SWELLED ANKLKS XI A DISCOCST. 
 
 In the year 1699, when King William re- 
 turned from Holland in a .;tate of severe in- 
 disposition, he sent for Doctor Radcliffe, and 
 showing him his swollen ankles, while the 
 rest of his body was emaciated, said, " What 
 think you of these?" " Why, truly," replied 
 the doctor, " I would not have your Majesty's 
 two legs for your three kingdoms." This 
 freedom was never forgiven by the King, and 
 no intercession could ever recover his favour 
 towards Radclifte. 
 
 Talleyrand's ver.satility. 
 
 A noble French exile, then in America, 
 was one day passing a little shop in Phila- 
 delphia, when, observing a man with his 
 shiit-sleeves rolled up his arms, grinding 
 cofl'ee, whose resemblance to the ex- Bishop 
 of Autun was very striking, the former 
 entered the pigmy shop, where he found 
 the veritable Simon Pure keeping a small 
 grocer's shop, and making a living in that 
 way. " I pit}-, indeed, 1 pity you," said the 
 Duke de K. "I pity yo«." replied Talleyrand, 
 " that your soul should be reduced, or not to 
 be superior, to such a state of feeling. For 
 my part, I have long since brought my feel- 
 ings and mind into such tranquillity of 
 thought and action, that I can turn a coffee- 
 mill or an empire with equal composure." 
 
 COLLINS AND TIIE CRITIC. 
 
 Collins the painter's favourite method of 
 procuring for himself the doubtful satisfac- 
 tion of impartial criticism, was to join the 
 groups of visitors to the Exhibition, who 
 were looking at his pictures, and to listen to 
 their remarks. This rather perilous pastime 
 he indulged in for many years, with tolerable 
 impunity ; but he was fated, at hist, to sutler 
 for his boldness. Having observed tsvo gen- 
 tlemen at the Exhibition displaying those 
 decided ."symptoms of critical power over art, 
 which consist in shrugging the shoulders, 
 waving the hand, throwing back the head, 
 and marking the catalogue, before all the 
 principal pictures, he was tempted to listen 
 to their remarks, when they arrived opposite 
 to one of his own works. "What's this?" 
 cried the great man of the two, severely — 
 "Sea-piece, by Collins? Oh, pooh, pooh! 
 
 D d tea-boardy thing." The [lainter had 
 
 not enough of the Roman in him to hear 
 more. The incident so effectually cured him 
 for some time of his predilection for sincere 
 criticism, that when, shortly afterwards, he 
 happened to be sitting next to Sir Henry 
 Halford, at dinner, and was asked by that 
 geiitli'man (who did not then know him per- 
 sonally) what he thought of " Collins's pic- 
 tures?" he replied, with unwonted caution, 
 " I think I am rather too much interested on 
 that subject to give an opinion — I paintec. 
 them mysi'lf." •' Oh, you need not havi> 
 feared my criticism," returned Sir Henry 
 laughing, '■ I was about to tell you how 
 much 1 have been delighted bv their ex- 
 treme beauty !"
 
 ue 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BU(3K. 
 
 COST OF A PICTURE. 
 
 It is said that Marshal Soult, on being 
 Asked one day how much his best picture had 
 '" est, replied, " One monk." The meaning of 
 ibis was, that the picture was given in ex- 
 ■ehange for an unfortunate monit who had 
 oeen taken prisoner during Soult's campaign 
 in Spain, and condemned to death. 
 
 HONEST LAWTEK. 
 
 Stephen Pasquier, who flourished in the 
 reign of Louis XIII., was a lawyer no less 
 celebrated for his honesty than for the sin- 
 gularity of his religious opinions. A print of 
 him was published, representing him with- 
 out hands; the meaning of which is ex- 
 plained by the following epigram : — " How ! 
 Pa.squier without bands ?" " Yes, ye griping 
 lawyers, to indicate how strictly I abstained, 
 as the law enjoins, from fleecing my clients. 
 Would to God ye could be shamed out of 
 your rapacity." 
 
 THE PROUD DUlvE OF SOMERSKT. 
 
 This inordinately arrogant nobleman 
 seemed little less in his conduct than if vested 
 with regal honours. His servants obeyed by 
 signs. The countr}' roads were cleared, that 
 lie might pass without obstruction or obser- 
 vation. His second Duchess was Charlotte, 
 daughter of Daniel Earl of Winchelsea and ' 
 Nottingham. He made a vast distinction 
 between a Percy and a Finch. The Duchess 
 once familiarly tapped him on the shoulder 
 with her fan ; he turned round, and, with an 
 indignant, sour countenance, said, " M3' lirst 
 Duchess was a Percy, and she never dared to 
 take such a liberty." His children obeyed his 
 mandates with profound respect. The two 
 youngest daughters had used to stand alter- 
 nately, whilst he slept of an afternoon ; Lady 
 Charlotte, being tired, sat down ; the Duke 
 awoke, and being displeasfd, declared he 
 would make her remember her want of deco- 
 Tum. By his will, he left her £20,000 less than 
 Aer sister. The pleasant Sir James Delaval 
 laid a wager of £1000 that he would make 
 the Duke give him precedency ; but that was 
 pidged impossible, as his Grace was all eyes 
 and ears on such an occasion. Delaval, how- 
 ever, having one day obtained information 
 of the precise time when the Duke was to pass 
 ft nan-ow pait of the road on his way 
 to town, stationed himself there in a coach, 
 emblazoned for the da}' with the arms, and 
 surrounded by many servants in livery of 
 the head of the house of Howard, who 
 tailed out when Somerset appeared, "The 
 Duke of Noi-folk !" The former, fearful of 
 committing a breach of etiquette, hurried his 
 postilion under a hedge, where he was no 
 sooner safely fixed, than Delaval passed, who, 
 leaning out of the carriage, bowed with a 
 familiar air, and wisiied hLs Grace a good 
 morning. He indignantly exclaimed, " Is it 
 you. Sir James? I thought it bad been the 
 Duke of Norfolk !" '1 he v/ager, thus fairly 
 won, was paid, and the town made merry 
 with the stratagem to gain it. 
 
 THK TRAVELLER NONPLUSED. 
 
 Captain Basil Hall, whose written stories */ 
 have charmed all who have read them, was 
 one day endeavouring to enliven a remark- 
 ably stiff and dull dinner-party, by a few 
 oral relations of the same kind. He con- 
 cluded one of a very extraordinary charac- 
 ter, by saying, " Did you ever hear any 
 story so wonderful as that?" and at the same 
 moment his eye chanced to rest on a foot- 
 boy opposite to him, who, without leading 
 a moment of interval, exclaimed, " Yes, man, 
 there's a lass i' our kitchen, that kens a lass 
 that has twa thoms !" 
 
 THE MURDERER DISCOVERED. 
 
 Sir John Purcell, who, some forty years 
 ago, lived at Highfort, in the East Riding of 
 Yorkshire, was an extraordinarj' man. On 
 one occasion, a desperate murder, in the depth 
 of winter, was committed in his neighbour- 
 hood. He took an active part in searching for 
 the criminal. One person he strongly sus- 
 pected, and he visited him at his house. He 
 found the man in bed, ill with the cholic, it 
 was said. Sir John examined hini, and asked 
 him whether he had been out on the pre- 
 vious night? The answer was, " No." Sir 
 John asked for his shoes. " They were gone 
 to be mended." " Are you sure of that ?" said 
 Sir John, who searched for and found them. 
 Causing the man to be watched, Sir John 
 went with the shoes to the exact spot where 
 the murder had been committed. The ground 
 was thickly covered with snow ; he com- 
 pared the shoes with the tracks made in the 
 snow, and found one set of foot-prints to 
 which the marks exactly tallied. A nail was 
 wanting in the heel of one of the shoes, and 
 the impression coiTesponded with the defi- 
 ciency. This was the first link in a chain 
 of circumstantial evidence against the sus- 
 pected party, who was afterwards hanged, 
 having been convicted upon the clearest tes- 
 timony. 
 
 A TRUE Bn.L. 
 
 The following is a veritable copy of a 
 " bill " passed, not long since, at a village 
 in Essex, to a gentleman who had left his 
 horse at one of the inns, with directions that 
 it should be baited for the night, and brought 
 home the next morning. The man who 
 brought the animal brought also the account 
 in question with him. 
 
 s. d. 
 
 To anos 4 6 
 
 To agitinonimom 6 
 
 For such of our readers as are not used to 
 decipher hieroglyphics, we give the transla- 
 tion : — 
 
 s. d. 
 
 To an horse 4 6 
 
 To a gittin' on him home ... 6 
 
 Surely it is a fine familiar episode of 
 equestrian literature.
 
 RAILWAY ANECUUTE BOOK. 
 
 147 
 
 OOLMAX A!fD HOOIC 
 
 George Colman being once asked i*' he 
 knew Theodore Hook? "Uh yts," was his re- 
 ply, " Hook and 1 (eye) are old asaociatea." 
 
 A CLINCHER. 
 
 An American paper says, this is the 
 method of catching tigers in India: — "A 
 man carries a board, on which a human 
 figure is paint«d. As soon as he arrives at 
 the den, he knocks behind the board with a 
 hammer ; the noise rouses the tigei, when he 
 flies in a direct line at the board and grasps 
 it, and the man behind clinches hia claws in 
 the wood, and so secures him." 
 
 CHARLES SEMBLB:. 
 
 The theatrical career of Mr. Clias. Kemble 
 presents a remarkable instance of intense 
 study and appiicati m contributing to form a 
 first-rate actor; and of this pains-taking 
 Miss Fanny Kemble, in her work on the 
 United States, records an example in the 
 perseverance with which Mr. Kemble studied 
 the character of Hamlet, and thus made his 
 enactment of it a linished performance. Yet, 
 in early life, Jlr. Ktmble was a notoriously 
 bad actor. A vwriter in the Not- Monthiij 
 Magazine records: — "In the Tear 1791, 
 Charles Kemble made his first appearance, as 
 Malcolm (in ' Macbeth'), and the audience 
 laughed ver\' heartily when he exclaimed, 
 *0h! by whom?' on hearing the account of 
 bis father's murder. Clwrles Kemble was 
 then said to be eighteen. 1 think he was no 
 more." 
 
 A HIGHLAXD HUSB.VNIX 
 
 Donald Macalpine rose from the rank.? to 
 be a sergeant in the Paisley Police or Seestii 
 City Guard, and no epauletted oilicial in his 
 Majesty's service strutted the pave with 
 more consequei.ce than did Donald in his 
 blue coat wiih crimson collar. He was a very 
 careful person, and contrived, ono way or 
 other, to become possessed of a tolerably 
 well-ftirnished house and a cow, the crowning 
 point of his amldtion; for Donald could 
 never stomach the I 'ue water milk supplied 
 by the dairj-ists under his surveillance. Mrs. 
 Macalpine was a very infirm personage, and 
 had, for many years preceding her decease, 
 been confined to bed. None of the family 
 survived her. This event was the beginning 
 of a climax of misfoituues to the poor ser- 
 geant. His house was soon after burned to 
 the ground ; and scarcely had his spirits 
 mastered this calarait}', when what he set 
 his ■ it most on, his poor cow, fell a victim 
 ta i Tarnation. The lattei- event nearly 
 panti -d the cons^rv.itor of the peace. A 
 frien> ailed on Donald to sympathise -n-ith 
 him in his bereavement and losses ; but Do- 
 nald refused to be comforted. " Ou yes," re- 
 plied he, to the various arguments employed 
 by his friend to induce submission to what 
 had been allotted him, " Til got plentv o' 
 house to stay in, and plenty o' wife too, if I'll 
 socht lur ; that's all very well — but wlw will 
 gie me eight pounds to buy another cow?" 
 
 R09SIK1 AND BISHOP. 
 
 Rossini meeting Mr. Bishop in Paris ot 
 London (we forget which), and having known 
 him before, but upon this occasion, after se- 
 ' veral ineffectual attempts, failing to pro- 
 nounce his name — '"Ah! Monsieui- — Mon- 
 sieur" assured him of his recognition 
 
 by singing the first strain of Bishop's beau- 
 tiful round, " When the wind blows." 
 
 ASTRONOMY. 
 
 A relative of one of the most distinguished 
 astronomers of his time was one day asked 
 by a L-uly (herself nopretender to the sublime 
 
 science), if Sir had made any n cent 
 
 discoveries of importance. " Why, no," was 
 the answer; "and, indeed, he has rummagea 
 the heavens so thoroughly, that I don't fancy 
 there is much left for an}body to find out," " 
 
 COLLIXS'S " SinTTLR PIJV^TER." 
 
 This picture has been called, in reference 
 to the attitude of the principal figure, and 
 the advance in excellence that it displaj-ed, 
 " Coliins's striih." The most amusing criti- 
 cism on its merits proceeded from Mr. Col bus's 
 gardener, who, as a great skittle-player, was 
 called in to test the correctness of the picture 
 as to its main subject. " Well !"' cried the 
 gardener, with genuine delight, " This is as 
 downright a tough game as ever 1 see!" — 
 CoUins's Life, by his Son, 
 
 A MISTAKK. 
 
 In consequence of so:iie transposition, by 
 which an announcement of the decease of a 
 countiy clergyman had got inserted amongst 
 the announcements of the marriages in a 
 newspaper a short time since, the announce- 
 ment read thus: "Married the Rev. 
 
 curate of , to the great regret of all his 
 
 parishioners, by whom he was universally 
 beloved. The poor will long have cause to 
 lament tke unhappy event,"' 
 
 LORD ISTKON. 
 
 In a conversation with Sir W. Knightou, 
 Collins the painter hi-ard from him the fol- 
 lowing anecdotes of Lord Byron. He at- 
 tended his Lordship, medically, for nine 
 months, while he wa'< writing the " Corsair," 
 and other poems. During all his visits he 
 never heard bim use an offensive word, 
 either on religion or on any other subject. 
 Lord Byron told him (Sir W. Knighton) 
 that he once drank .'seventy pints of brandy, 
 with Douglas Kinnaird, in as many days, to 
 enable him to undergo the fatigue of writing. 
 When the separation took place between 
 Lord Byron and his wife, he allowed Sir 
 William (wha tt Id him everjbxly was talk- 
 ing ag (inst him as regarded the subject, and 
 that, he wished for something to say in his 
 defence) to sta'e, that whatever ofleiice he 
 gave Lady Byron was in the way of omission 
 rather than commission — that he ntver al- 
 lowed himi»elf to scold her — and only once 
 showed temper in her presence, when he 
 threw his watch into the fire. 
 
 L 2
 
 148 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 dklille's only pun. 
 The Abbe Delille is said to have made only 
 one pun. On hearing some ladies complain 
 of hunger, after a long morning in the 
 Champs de Mar.s, he advised them to apply 
 to the Fee des rations (Federation). 
 
 AGKD DANCEKS. 
 
 Serjeant Hoskyns, the owner of Ingestoii- 
 Hou<e, Herefordshire, entertained James I. 
 with a morrice-dance, performed by ten per- 
 sons, whose united ages exceeded 1000 years, 
 all natives of Herefordshire. 
 
 LONG PAUSE. 
 
 Mossop, the actor, was soparfeet a distiller 
 of syllables, and made such intolerably long 
 pauses, that in the speech of Zanga, in the 
 "Revenge," to Alonzo, "Know thou, 'twas 
 
 I " the critic might, at the first word of 
 
 the speech, haNC left the theatre, called a 
 coach, and returned to his box, and still have 
 been in time to have discovered that Zanga 
 " did it." 
 
 SPOILING A STORY. 
 
 I.nuis XIV., in a gay party at Versailles, 
 commenced relating a fecetious story, but 
 concluddd the tale abruptly and insipidlj'. 
 On one of the company leaving the room, 
 the King said, " 1 am sure you must have 
 observed how very uninteresting my anec- 
 dote was. 1 did not recollect till 1 began 
 that the turn of the narrative reflected very 
 severely on the immediate ancestor of the 
 Prince of Arraagnac, who has just quitted 
 us ; and on this, as on everj' other occasion, 
 I think it far better to spoil a good story 
 than distress a worthy man." 
 
 LKGAL WIT. 
 
 Jekyll calling, one day, upon George Col- 
 man the younger, in the Temple, glancing 
 over the articles of the establishment, ob- 
 served a piece of frivolity Colman had brought 
 with him, and which must have ap- 
 peared to him, as he was then practising at 
 the bar, a great interruption to the study of 
 " Coke upon Lyttleton." This was a round 
 cage with a squirrel in it. lie looked for a 
 minute or two at the little animal, which was 
 performing the same operation as a man on 
 the treadmill, or a donkey in the wheel, and 
 then quietly said, "Ah, poor devil ! he is go- 
 ing the home circuit ! " If locality can make 
 a good thing better, this technical joke ■was 
 particularly happj* from being uttered in the 
 Temple. 
 
 "nice to a shaving." 
 
 When Louis VII. of Fiance, to obey the 
 injunctions of his Bishops, cropped his hair 
 and bhaved his beard, Eleanor, his consort, 
 found him, with this unusual appearance, very 
 ridiculous, and soon verj^ contemptible. She 
 revenged herself as she thought proper, and 
 the poor shaved King obtained a divorce. 
 She then married the Count of Anjou, after- 
 wards our Henry II. She had for her mar- 
 riage dower the rich provinces of Poitou and 
 Guyenne ; and this was the origin of those 
 ^vars which for tliree hundred years ravaged 
 France, and cost the French three millions 
 of men : all v, Inch, probablj', had never 
 occurred, had Louis Vll. not been so rash as 
 to crop his head and shave his beard, b\ 
 ^^•lli(.■ll he became so disgustful in the eyes of 
 our Queen Eleanor. 
 
 nothing impossible. 
 
 Mirabeau's haste of temper was known, 
 and he must be obeyed. " Monsieur Comte," 
 said his spcretary to him one day, " the thing 
 you require is impossible." "Impossible!" 
 exclaimed Mirabeau, starting from his chair, 
 " never again use that foolish word iu my 
 presence." 
 
 the wit OITTWITTED. 
 
 On the top of a small but conspicuous hill 
 near to Hoddon Castle, on the banks of tl»€ 
 river Annan, is a square tower, built of hewn 
 stone, over the door of which are carved the 
 figures of a dove and serpent, and between 
 them the word " Pcpentance." Hence the 
 building, though its proper name is Trailtrow, 
 is more frequently called the Tower of Repent- 
 ance. It is said that Sir Richard Steele, 
 while riding near this place, saw a shepherd 
 bo}' reading his Bible, and asked him wliat 
 he learned from it? "The way to heaven," 
 answered the boy. "And can you show it to 
 nie," said Sir Richard, in banter. " You 
 must go by that tower," replied the shep- 
 herd ; and he pointed to the tower of Re- 
 pentance. 
 
 Rousseau's troubles. 
 
 Rousseau appears to have been one of the 
 unhappiest, as well as the most unamiable 
 of men. He imagined himself the perse- 
 cuted of all persecutors, and sought an 
 as3lum in England from his su])posed ene- 
 mies. In April, 1766, having just settled in 
 Derbyshire, he wrote, "Here I have just ar- 
 rived at last at an agreeable and sequestered 
 asylum, where I hope to breathe freeh' and 
 at peace." He lived chiefly at Wootton Hall, 
 and delighted to pass his leisure in the ro- 
 mantic Dove Dale. He did not, however, 
 long remain "at peace," for in April follow- 
 ing he returned to the Continent, heaping 
 reproaches on his best friends. The rent of 
 the house in which he lived had been greatly 
 reduced, to allure him into the country. His 
 spirit revolted at this ; and as soon as he heard 
 of it he indignantly left the place. V>'hilst 
 at Wootton Hall, he received a present of 
 some bottles of choice foreign wine: this was 
 a gift, and his pride would n )t permit him to 
 taste it ; he therefore left it in the house, un- 
 touched, for the next comer. For some rea- 
 son or other, or more probably for none, he 
 had determined not to see Dr. barwin. The 
 Doctor, aware of his objections, placed him- 
 self on a terrace, which Rousseau had to pass, 
 and was examining a plant. " Rous.-eau," 
 said he, "are you a botanist?" They en- 
 tered into conversation, and were intimate at 
 once ; but Rousseau, on reflection, imagined 
 that this meeting was the result of con- 
 trivance, and the intimacy proceeded no 
 further.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 149 
 
 MRS. HOWE .VNIJ IIKB .\BiKST mSB-^NP. 
 
 About the jeai- 170G, I knew (said Dr. 
 King) one Mr. Howe, a sensible well-natured 
 man, possc-sed of an estate of £700 or £800 
 per annum : he married a young lady of good 
 family in the West of England; her maiden 
 name" was Mallet, she was agreeable in her 
 person and manners, and proved a very good 
 wife. Sevjn or eight years after thej' had 
 been nLirr/.-d, he rose one morning very e.irly, 
 and told his wife he was obliged to go to the 
 Tower to transact ."jome particular busines.t; 
 the same day at noon his wife received a note 
 from him, in which he informed her that he 
 was under the necessity of going to Holland, 
 and should probably be absent three weeks 
 or a month. He was af^sent from hor seven- 
 teen year.o, during which time she never 
 heard from him or of him. The evening 
 before he returned, while she was at supper, 
 with some of her friends and relations, 
 particularly one Dr. Rose, a physician, who 
 had married her sLsfer, a billet, without any 
 name S'lbscribed, was delivered to her, in 
 which the writer requested the favour of her 
 to give him a meeting the next evening in 
 the Birdc:ige-walk, in St. James's Park. 
 When she had rejd 'he billet she tossed it to 
 Dr. Rose, and, laughing, said, " You see, 
 brother, old as I am, 1 have a gallant." Rose, 
 who perused the note with more attention, 
 declared it to be Mr. How-'s handwriting : 
 this surprised all the company, and so much 
 affected Mrs. Howe, that she fainted away. 
 However, she soon recovered, when it was 
 agreed that Dr. Rose and his wife, with the 
 other gentlemen and ladies who were then at 
 supper, should attend Mrs. Howe the next 
 evening to the Birdcage-wallc They had 
 not been there more than five or six minutes, 
 when "Mr. Howe came to them, and, after 
 saluting his friends and embracing his wife, 
 walked home with her, and they lived 
 together in great harmony from that day to 
 the time of his death. But the mo^t c;urious 
 part of my ta'c remains to be related. When 
 Ilowe left his wife, they lived in the house in 
 Jermyn- street, near St. James's Church: he 
 went no further than to a little street in 
 Westminster, where he took a room, for 
 which he paid five or si.K shillings a week, 
 and changing his name, and distcuising him- 
 self by wearing a black wig (for he was a 
 fair man), he remained in this habitation 
 during the whole time of his absence! He 
 had two children by his wite when he de- 
 parted from her. who were both living at 
 that time ; but they died young in a few 
 years after. However, during their lives, 
 the second or third year after their father 
 disappeared, Mrs, Howe was obliged to ap(.ly 
 for an Act of Parliament, to procure a proper 
 settlement of her husband's estate, and a pro- 
 vision for herself out of it during his absence. 
 as it was uncertain whether he was alive or 
 dead. The act he suffered to be solicited and 
 passed, and enjoyed the pleasure of reading 
 the progress of it in the voles, in a little 
 coffee-house near his lodgi.ig, which he fre- 
 
 quented. Upon his quitting bis house and 
 family in the manner I iiave mentioned, Mrs. 
 Howe at first imagined, as she could not con- 
 ceive any other cause for such an abrupt 
 elopement, that Le had contracted a large 
 debt unknown to her, and by that msans 
 involved himself in dilficulties which he 
 could not easih surmount ; and !br some days 
 she lived in continual apprehension of de- 
 mands from creditors, of seizures, executions,' 
 &c. Mrs. Howe, after the death of her 
 children, thought proper to lessen htr family 
 of servaiits ai;d the expenses of her house- 
 keeping, and therefore removed from her 
 house in Jermyn-street, to a small house in 
 Brewer- street. Golden- square. Just over 
 against her lived one Salt, a corn-chandler. 
 About ten years after Howe's abdication, he 
 contrived to make an acquaintance with Salt, 
 and was at length in such a degree of inti- 
 macy with him that he usually dined wth 
 him twice a week. From the room in which 
 tbej'ate, it was not difficult to look into Mrs, 
 Howe's dining-room, where she generally 
 sat and received her compaii}' ; and Salt, who 
 believed Howe to be a bachelor, frequently 
 recommended his own wife to him as a suit- 
 able match. During the last seven years of 
 ! this gentleman's absence, he went ever.' 
 I Sunday to St. James's Church, and used to 
 ' sit in .Mr. Salt's seat, where he had a viev;' of 
 j his wife, but could not easily be seen by her. 
 .'Vfter he returned home he would never con- 
 I fes?, even to his most intimate friend?, what 
 was the real cause of such singular conduct 
 ; — apparc ntly there was cone ; but whatever 
 I it wa.s he was certainlv ashamed to own it 
 
 ' TIRPIn's .S.AN'G FROin. 
 
 ' On ^fay 2'2, 17.37, the noted highwayman, 
 ; Richard Turpin, the butcher, who had lately 
 ! killed a man who endeavoured to take him 
 in Kpping Forest, robbed several persons in 
 I their coaches and chaises at llolloway and in 
 the back lanes of Islington. One of the gent- 
 lemen so stopped signified to him that he 
 had reigned a long time : Turpin replied, 
 " 'Tis no matter for that, I am not :ilVaid of 
 being taken by 3"ou ; therefore, don't stand 
 hesitating, but give me the cole." 
 
 KKXNEY TUB DRAMATIST. 
 
 A gentleman remonstra'ing with Jlr. 
 Kenney against his biinging out his comedy 
 of " Match-breaking," said " AI1.)W me to 
 make a few animadversions upon it." '' Ex- 
 cuse me, sir," said .Mr. Kenney, "I do not 
 wish for ani/ mad versions of my comedy." 
 
 ODD COMPARISOX. 
 
 Some persons have a peculiar talent in 
 discovering resemblances where others can 
 perceive none. A gentleman of this dcst rip- 
 tion having borrowed Harris's "Hermes" (a 
 learned treatise on universal grammar) of a 
 friend, on returning it to him, observed, " he 
 liked it very well, but thought it was too 
 much in the queer, rigmarole stvle of ' Tiia- 
 tram Shandy!'"
 
 150 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 HAITI' HIT. 
 
 Charles II. playing at tennis with a dig- 
 nifitd prebend, who had struck the ball well, 
 he exclaims d, " That's a good stroke for a 
 Dean." " I'll give it the stroke of a bishop," 
 aaid the Dean, " if your Majesty pleases." 
 
 NOBLE SPOPwT. 
 
 At the commencement of the sporting 
 season, in 1821, the following important in- 
 formation was exhibited at Lord Camden's 
 seat, the Hermitage, near Sevenoaks : — 
 " This is to give notice, that Lord Camden 
 does not mean to shoot himself of any of his 
 tenants till the 14th of September." 
 
 GOLDSMITH AT ISLINGTON. 
 
 Dr. Oliver Goldsmith had apartments for 
 some time in Canonbury House, where he is 
 supposed to have written some of his works. 
 With a view to health, and perhaps to be 
 near Newbery, the bookseller, for whom his 
 pen was at that time chiefly emploj'ed, and 
 who resided at Canonbury House, Goldsmith 
 removed to that neighbourhood to board and 
 lodge, in the house of a Mrs. Elizabeth Fle- 
 ming, at the close of the year 1762, probably 
 about Christmas. The sum stipulated for 
 this accommodation was fifty pounds a year, 
 at that period equal to twice the amount 
 now, which the publisher, as cash-bearer to 
 the poet, paid quarterly, taking credit for 
 such payments in the settlement of their ac- 
 counts. The ladj' whose inmate he became 
 is represented in a picture, which appeared 
 in the winter exhibition of the works of de- 
 ceased artists of Britain, in 1832. It was 
 named " Goldsmith's hostess," and is said to 
 have been painted by Hogarth. At Isling- 
 ton the bard continued a resident till to- 
 wards the end of 1764, for it appears that he 
 was still living there in September of that 
 year. Whether his removal thence was oc- 
 casioned by his arrest, or threatened arrest, 
 which t lok place about P'ebruary or March, 
 1761, by the landlady, or whether this event 
 occm-retl whilst he was in temporary lodg- 
 ings in London, is doubtful ; probably the 
 latter; for it is nut likelv that having been 
 an inmate so long, and with Newbery as re- 
 sponsible paymaster, Mrs. Fleming would 
 have had recourse to such an expedient. 
 (See Prior's "Life of Goklsmith.") Gold- 
 smith i;^ remarkable for the frequent men- 
 tion made of Islington in lijs writings ; and to 
 this Village, where he spent much of his time, 
 he was very partial. It was occasionally his 
 custom to injoy what he termed a shoe-, 
 makir^s hoUdmj, which was a day of great 
 fesiivity with the poet. Three or four of bis 
 intimate friends rendezvoused at his cham- 
 bers to breakfast, about ten in the morning ; 
 at eleven they proceeded, by the City-road 
 and through the fieMs, to Highbury Barn to 
 dinner ; about six o'clock in the cvenmg they 
 adjourned to White Conduit House to drink 
 tea; and coQcluded the evening by supping 
 at the Grecian or Temple Exchange CotTee- 
 houses, or at the Globe in Fleet-street 
 
 rOETIC WILL. 
 
 Mr. W. Jackett, an eccentric character, 
 who died July 3, 1789, in North-place, Li- 
 verpool-road, and was for thirty years clerk 
 to Messrs. Fuller and Vaugban, bankers, St. 
 Swithin's-alley, Cornhill, made the following 
 cuiious will, which is preserved in Doctor? 
 Commons : — 
 " I leave and bequeath, 
 
 When I'm laid underneath. 
 
 To my two loving sisters most dear. 
 
 The whole of my store. 
 
 Were it twice as much more, 
 
 Which God's goodness has granted me here ; 
 
 And that none may prevent 
 
 This my will and intent, 
 
 Or occasion the least of law rackett, 
 
 ^Vith a solemn appeal, 
 
 I confirm, sign, and seal, 
 
 This the true act and deed of Will 
 Jackett." 
 
 eccentric benevolence. 
 
 Edward, sixth Lord Digby, who suc- 
 ceeded to the peerage in 1752, was a man of 
 active benevolence. At Christmas and 
 Easter, he was observed by bis friends to be 
 more than usually grave, and then always to 
 have on an old shabby blue coat. Mr. Fox, 
 his uncle, who had great curiosity, wished 
 much to find out his nephew's motive for ap- 
 pearing at times in this manner, as in gene- 
 ral he was esteemed more than a well-dressed 
 man. On his expressing an inclination for 
 this purpose, Major Vaughan and another 
 gentleman undertook to watch his Lordship's 
 motions. They acordingly set out ; and ob- 
 serving him to go to St. George's-fields, they 
 followed him at a distance, till they lost sight 
 (if him near the Marshalsea Prison. Wonder- 
 ing what could carry a person of his Lord- 
 ship's rank and fortune to such a place, they 
 inquired of the turnkey if a gentleman 
 (describing Lord Digby) had not just entered 
 the prison ? 
 
 ■' Yes, master?," exclaimed tlie fellow, with 
 an oath ; " but he is not a man, he is an 
 angel ; for he comes here twice a year, some- 
 times oftener, and sets a number of prisoners 
 free. And he not only does this, but he 
 gives them sufficient to support themselves 
 and their families till they can find euiploy- 
 meut. This," continued the man, '■ is one of 
 his extraordinary visits. He has but a few 
 to take out to-day." 
 
 '•Do you know who the gentleman is.' " 
 inquired the Major. 
 
 " We none of us know him by any other 
 majks," replied the man, " but by his huma- 
 nity and his blue coat." 
 
 The next time his Lordship had on bis 
 almsgiving coat, a friend asked him what 
 occasioned his wearing that singular dre&s. 
 The reply was, by Lord Digby taking the 
 gentleman shortly after to the George Imi, 
 in the Borough, where seated at dinner were 
 thirty individuals, whom his Lordship had 
 just released from the Marshalsea Prison, by 
 paying their debts in fiiU.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 151 
 
 THE MIRACLE. 
 
 A young student showing the Museum at 
 Oxford to a party, produced a rusty sword, 
 which he assured them was the identical 
 sword with which Balaam was about to kill 
 his ass. One of the company observed, that 
 he thought Balaam had uo sword, but only 
 wished for one. " You are right," said the 
 student, "and this is the very sword he 
 wished for ! " 
 
 IRISH liUELLlNG. 
 
 Towards the end of Queen Anne's reign, 
 a duel sprang up in Dublin between a Major 
 Pack and Mr. Matliew, of Thomastown, in 
 Tipperary ; the seconds being Captain Creed 
 and Mr. l\Iacnamara. The parties raet at a 
 tavern. Being shown into the roi)m where 
 the two officers were, after securing the door, 
 Mathew and Pack drew their swords ; but 
 Macnamara stopped them, saying he had 
 something to propose before they proceeded 
 to action, lie said that, in cases of this na- 
 ture, he never could bear to be a cool spec- 
 tator. " So, sir," continued he, addressing 
 himself to Creed, " If you please, I shall have 
 the honour of entertaining you in the same 
 manner." Creed made no other repl.y than 
 that of immediately drawing his sword. The 
 conflict was of some durhtion, and main- 
 tained with great obstinacy by the two 
 officers, notwithstanding the great f ttusion ot 
 blood from the many wounds which they had 
 received. At length, quite exhausted, they 
 both fell, and yielded the victory to the su- 
 perior skill of their antagonists Upon this 
 occasion, Mr. Matheiv gave a remarkable proof 
 of the perfect composure of his mind. Creed 
 had fallen first, on which Pack exclaimed, 
 " Ah, poor Creed ! arc you gone .' " " Yes," 
 replied Mathew, with the utmost calmness, 
 "and you shall instantly /?«c A after him," at 
 the same time making a home thrust quite 
 through his body, which threw him to the 
 ground. This was the more remarkable, as 
 he was never known in his life, either before 
 or after, to have aimed at a pun. The num- 
 ber of wounds received by the vanquished 
 parties was very great; and what seemed 
 most miraculous, their opponents were un- 
 touched. The surgeons, seeing the desperate 
 state of their i)atients, would not sutler them 
 10 be removed out of the room where they 
 fought, but had beds immediately conveyed 
 to it, on which they Uy many hours in a 
 state of insensibility. When they came to 
 themselves, and saw where they were. Pack, 
 in a feeble voice, said to his companion — 
 " Creed, I think we are the conquerors, for 
 we have kept the field of battle." For a 
 long time their lives were despaired of, but 
 to the astonishment of every one thej- both 
 recovered. When they were able to see 
 company, Mathew and his friend attended 
 them daily, and a close intimacy after- 
 wards ensued, as they found them men of 
 probity, and of the best disposition, being 
 BOW perfectly cured of their extravagant 
 idea of duollint;. 
 
 ADAM'S APPLE. 
 
 " Why did Adam bite the apple ? " asked 
 a country schoolmaster of oie of his echo- i 
 lars. " Because he had no knife," said the I 
 boy. 
 
 foote's quarrel with the duchess of 
 kingston. 
 
 The acrimony of each partv in this affair 
 was raised so high, that Mr. Foote at length 
 threatened to have a Grub-street half-sheet 
 cried about the streets, which ran in the fol- 
 lowin.; terms, and probably occasiorned a ces- 
 sation cf hostilities. The general authen- 
 ticity of it was testified by many persons who 
 heard Mr. Foote repeat it, and the humour of 
 it deserves to redeem it from oblivion ; — 
 
 " A full, true, and particular account of the 
 life and surprising adventures of the notitied 
 Bet Clitatley, Duchess of Knightsbridge, 
 showing as how .she came up to town a poor 
 distressed girl, and how by tiie recomni'r-nda- 
 tion of a mighty great patriot,* to v.hom 
 she used to read story-books, she was taken 
 into a great house in Lister-square, out of 
 compassion and charity, and how she was 
 ruinated by WoUy, a Scotch boy, who took 
 her into a strange land, and tiien forsak'd 
 her; how Billy the Boatswain fall'ii in love 
 with her, married her, and left her under the 
 care of a surgeon and poticarj-. And how 
 Bet afterwards took to company keeping, 
 wearing fine clothes, and told hercomrogues 
 she had them from her mother, a poor, 
 distressed widow woman in the country. 
 And how she met with the great squire 
 Peper-pint. a might}- rich and great gentle- 
 man ; and how she sprr ad her net, and the 
 squire fell into her snare ; and how she gave 
 Billy the Boatswain twenty guineas to deny 
 his marriage, and tlun persuaded squire 
 Peper-pint to wed her, make a will, and 
 wrong all his kindred, by which she came 
 into a Jnorf of his money ; and how all the 
 squire's rich relations rose up in a body, and 
 wanted Bi.t to give back her ill-got posses- 
 sions ; and how then Bet fled over the raging 
 seas, for fear of being nabbed, and clajjped 
 up in Newgate ; and hmv shi changed her 
 religion, and took to papish ways ; and how 
 she afterwards came bick again for fear of 
 being nutlawned; and how she had a hor- 
 rible quarrel with Billy the Boatswain ; and 
 how she came to Westminster hall, all the 
 lawyers flocked about her, in hopes of her 
 cu.-tom. The whole being a most c.xct llent 
 waniirip-pieee against Sabbath-breaking and 
 disobedience to our parents. 
 
 As 'twill always be foimd, that for such evil 
 
 deeds, 
 A certain, tliough it's a slow punisbment, 
 
 surely succeeds ; 
 Therefore young men and maidens take 
 
 warning hy she. 
 Keep the Sabbath and obedient to your pa 
 
 rents be." 
 
 • The late Ear! of Bath.
 
 152 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK 
 
 LORD DUDLEY S ABSENCE OF JaiND, AND 
 " THINKING ALOUD." 
 
 Of his Loidshij/s extraordinary absence of 
 mind, and his unfortunate habit of " think- 
 ing aloud," many amusing anecdotes have 
 been in circulation. It is a fact, that when 
 he was in the Foreign Office, he directed a 
 letter intended for the French to the Kussian 
 Ambassador, shortly before the atlair of Na- 
 varino ; and, strange as it may appear, it at- 
 tained him the highest honour. Prince 
 Lieven, who never made any mistakes of the 
 kind, set it down as one of the cleverest ruses 
 ever attempted to be played off, and gave 
 himself immense credit for not falling into 
 the trap laid for bira by the sinister inge- 
 nuity of the English Secretary. He returned 
 the letter with a most polite note, in which 
 he vowed, of course, that he had not read a 
 line of it, after he had ascertained that it was 
 intended for Prince Polignac ; he could not 
 help telling Lord Dudley, at an evening 
 party, that he was " trop fin," but diploma- 
 tists of his (Prince Lieven's) standing were 
 not so easily caught. 
 
 Lord Dudley was afflicted with what may 
 not be improperly termed the disease cf 
 thinking aloud — that is, of unconsciously 
 giving utterance to involuntary thoughts, 
 which other men confide to the secret deposi- 
 tory of their own breasts. An amusing 
 anecdote of this .'•ingular failing of the mind 
 is related of his Lordship : — 
 
 Lord Dudley had been invited to the house 
 of a fiiend, upon the occasion of some great 
 ffte, but being a man of early habits, had 
 ordered his carriage at a certain hour, having 
 some miles to travel before he could obtain 
 his accustomed repose. To his great morti- 
 jcation, after repeated inquiries for Lord 
 Dudle}''s carriage, it had not arrived, and his 
 Lon.lt hip, as well as others, imagined that 
 same accident must have happened to it. 
 3ne of the guests, seeing how much his 
 Loidship was disconcerted by the event, very 
 politely offered him a seat in his. The 
 gentleman in question had to pass his Lord- 
 ship's house on his return home : and though 
 he was almost a stranger to Lord Dudley , his 
 rank and position in the country were, of 
 course, well known to him, and the civility 
 was no more than one gentleman would, un- 
 der ."imilar circumstances, have otfered to 
 another. Nevertheless, they had not been 
 seated in the caiTiage more than twenty 
 minutes, when the Peer — who, iieing tired, 
 hsd up to that moment maintained a most 
 perfect silence — observed, in a low, but dis- 
 tinctly audible tone of voice, " I'm very sorry 
 L accepted his offer. I don't know the man. 
 It was civil, certainly ; but the worst is, I 
 juppose i must ask him to dinner. It's a 
 deuce of a bore I " He then relapsed into his 
 former state of taciturnity, when, after a few 
 minutes, the gentleman pretending to be af- 
 flicted with the same failing, and imitating 
 his Lordship's tone, observed — "Perhaps 
 he'll think 1 did it to make his acquaintance. 
 Why I would have done the same to any 
 
 farmer on his estate. I hope he wont think 
 it necessary to ask me to dinner. I'll be 
 d — d if I'd accept his invitation!" Lord 
 Dudlev listened to him with earnest interest, 
 immediately comprehended the joke which 
 he had himself provoked, offered his hand 
 with much hearty goodwill to his companion, 
 making every proper apology for his invo- 
 luntary rudeness, and from that night the 
 travellers became inseparable friends. 
 
 ODD EVIDENCE. 
 
 Dr. Grey, in his erudite and entertaining 
 notes on " Hudibras," records the deposition 
 of a lawyer, who, in an action of battery, 
 told the Judge that the defendant beat the 
 client with a certain wooden instrument 
 called an iron pestle. 
 
 THE MOTHKlt TONGUE. 
 
 In Mr. Combe's '-Illustrations of Phre- 
 nologj-," a case is related of a Welsh milk- 
 man, in London, who, happening to fall down 
 two pair of stairs, received a severe contusion 
 on the head, and was carried to St. George's 
 Hospital, where he lay senseless for several 
 days, and unable to speak. At length he 
 became something better, and began to talk 
 to the nurses, but in such terms that no one 
 could understand him, till it was discovered 
 that he had forgotten his English, and was 
 talking Welsh, a language he had not spoken 
 for eighteen years. Mr. Combe conceives 
 that the blow having hit the storehouse in 
 his head, where the Welsh language was 
 garnered, his j-outhful acquisitions were 
 poured out; whilst the English language, 
 which he had learned much later, was over- 
 powered and obliterated by the force of his 
 mother tonguf. 
 
 OONGREVB EOCKETS. 
 
 When the Congreve rockets were first in- 
 troduced into the navy, the Admiral on the 
 Brazil station proposed to exliibit to the 
 King, Don Juan VI., the effect of these for- 
 midable projectiles. His Majesty consented, 
 and the whole court were aceordingl}' as- 
 sembled in the balconies of the palace, at the 
 Rio, for the purpose of witnessing the spec- 
 tacle. By some mishap, of very frequent oc- 
 currence in the early history of these missiles, 
 at the momentof firing the tube veered round, 
 and the rocket, instead of flying over to Praia 
 Grande, took the opposite direction, and fell 
 and exploded in the great square, almost be- 
 neath the windows of the palace. The con- 
 sternation of the King was only equalled by 
 the mortification of the Admiral, who im- 
 mediately despatched an ofticer on shore to 
 explain the cause of the contretemps to his 
 Majesty, and offering to let off another : but 
 the terrified Monarch would not hear of it. 
 " I have a great respect," said he, " for my 
 
 j good allies, the English, but after dinner they 
 are absolutely fit for nothing ;" an observa- 
 
 I tion which clearly indicated to what cause his 
 Majesty attributed the unfortunate result of 
 
 ! the exhibition.
 
 RAILWAY ANl-X^DOTE BOOK. 
 
 153 
 
 THK WESLETS AND THE WELUKSLEYS. 
 
 The Rev. John We-ley, founder of the sect 
 of the Methodists, was born on the 17th of 
 June, 1703, at Epworth, a small living; in 
 Lincolnshire, of which his father, the Kev. 
 Samuel Westley or Weslc}', was incumbent. 
 The father, poor in this world's goods, was 
 amply blessed in the possession of pietj', 
 sense, and learning; and his wife, Susannah, 
 daughter of the Rev. Dr. Annesley, was re- 
 markable for the strength alike of her intel- 
 lect and her devotion. Of their children, 
 three sons grew up to manhood — Samuel, 
 John, and Charles; and of them Southey 
 gives the following interesting details : — 
 
 "Charles Wesley had been elected from 
 Westminster to Christchurch, just after his 
 brother .J.hn obtained his fellowship at Lin- 
 coln." There, however, " his own disposi- 
 tion, his early education, and the example of 
 his parents and both his brethren," soon led 
 Charles to embrace a life of more active de- 
 votion ; " and, meeting with two or three un- 
 dergraduates, whose inclinations and princi- 
 ples resembled his own, they associated toge- 
 ther for the purpose of religious improvement, 
 lived by rule, and received the sacrament 
 weekly. They were called, in derision, 'the 
 Sacramentarians, Bible-bigots, Bible -moths, 
 the Holy or the Godly Club.' One person, 
 with less irreverence and more learning, ob- 
 served, in reference to their methodical man- 
 ner of life, that a new sect of Methodists was 
 sprung up, alluding to the ancient school of 
 physicians known by that name. There was 
 some fitness in the name, it obtained vogue, 
 and it has becoipe the appropriate designa- 
 tion of the sect of whicli (John) Wesley is 
 the founder. 
 
 "It was to Charles Wesley and his few 
 associates that the name was first given. 
 When John returned to Oxford, they gladly 
 placed themselves under his direction ; their 
 meetings acquired more form and regularity, 
 and obtained an accession of members. 
 
 " While Charles Wesley was at Westmin- 
 ster, with his brother Samuel (who was an 
 under-master there), a gentleman of large 
 fortune in Ireland, and of the same family 
 name, wrote to the father, and inquired of 
 him if he had a son named Charles, for. if so, 
 ho wculd make him his heir. Accordingly, 
 his school bills, during several } cars, were 
 discharged by his unseen namesake. At 
 length a gentleman, who is supposed to have 
 been this Mr. Wesley, called upon him, and, 
 after much conversation, asked him if lie was 
 willing to accompany him to Ireland."* Tlie 
 youth desired to write to his father before he 
 could give answer. The father left it to his 
 own decision ; and he, who was satisfied with 
 the fair prospects which Christchurch opened 
 to him, chose to stay in England. John 
 Wesley, in his account of his brother, calls 
 this a fair escape. The fact is more remark- 
 able than he was aware of; for the person 
 who inherited the property intended for 
 Charles Wesley, and who took the name of 
 Wesley or Wt'.Ios!?" ;n rons-rjerce, w.ie 
 
 the first Earl of Mornington, grandfather of 
 the Marquis Wellesley and the Duke of Wel- 
 lington. Had Charles made a different choice, 
 there might have been no Methodists, the 
 British Empire in India might still have 
 been menaced from Seringapatam, and thn 
 undisputed tyrant of Europe might, at this 
 time, have insulted and endangered us (■ 
 our own shores." 
 
 I.ATE MARRIAGE. 
 
 M. Talleyrand was enjoying his rubber, 
 when the conversation turned on the recen'^ 
 union of an elderly lady of respectable rank. 
 
 " How could Madame de S make f-uch a 
 
 match ? a person of her birth to marry a 
 valet-de-chambre" said one of the players. 
 " Ah," r^'plied Talleyrand, " it was late in the 
 game; at nine we don't reckon honours." 
 
 POSTSCRIPTS. 
 
 George Selwyn once affirmed in company 
 that no woman ever wrote a letter without 
 a postscript. " My next letter shall refute 
 you?" said Lady G. Selwyn soon after 
 received a letter from her Ladyship, when, 
 after her signature, stood — "T.S. Who was 
 right now, yon or I ?" 
 
 CROCODILE.S OS THE M19SIS.SIPPI. 
 
 It is said that at some points of this dis- 
 mal river, crocodiles are so abundant as to 
 add the terror of their attacks to the other 
 sufferings of a dwelling there. A story is 
 told of a squatter, who, having " located " 
 himself close to the river's edge, proceeded to 
 build his cabin. This operation is soon per- 
 formed, for social feeling and the love of 
 whiskey bring all the scanty neighbourhood 
 round a new-comer, to aid him in cutting 
 down trees, and in rolling up the logs, till 
 the mansion is complete. I'his was done ; 
 the wife and five young children were put in 
 possession of their new home, and slept 
 soundly after a long march. Towards day- 
 break, the husband and father was awakened 
 by a flint cry ; and, looking up, beheUl the re- 
 lics of three of his children scattered over the 
 tlour, and an enormous croco.lile, with several 
 young ones around her, occupied in devour- 
 ing the remnants of their horrid m"il. He 
 looked around for a weapon, but finding 
 none, .mid aware that unarmed he could do 
 nothing, he raised himself gently on his bed, 
 and contrived to crawl from thence througli 
 a window ; hoping that his wife, wlu^m lie 
 left sleeping, might, with the remaining 
 children, rest undiscovered till his return. 
 He Mew to his nearest neiglibour, and be- 
 sought his aid ; in less than half-an-hour, two 
 men returned with him, all three well anned ; 
 but, alas ! the}- were too late ; the wife and 
 her two babes l.iy mangled on their bloody 
 bed. The gorged reptiles fell an easy prey 
 to their assailants, who, upon e.xamining the 
 place, found the hut had been constructed 
 close to the mouth of a large hole, almost ;i 
 cavern, where the monster had hatched her 
 I'.r.tei'ul brood.
 
 154 
 
 XIAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 HALF JUSTICE. 
 
 A culprit brought before a magistrate in 
 Leicestershire, (barged with a misdemeanour, 
 was thus addre.'Sed by his worship : — " I see 
 by the Act, of Parliament that the offence 
 you have committed is punishable with six 
 months' imprisonment, on conviction before 
 two magistrates. Now, you may think your- 
 self a lucky fellow; for, if my brother ma- 
 gistrate had been here you should have had 
 the whole six months ; but, as I am alone, I 
 can, of course, only send you to gaol for half 
 the time. Make out his mittimus for three 
 months." 
 
 A LOTAU8T. 
 
 The Earl of St. Albans was, like many 
 other staunch loyalists, little remembered b}' 
 Charles II. He was, however, an attendant 
 at court, and one of his Majest}''s compa- 
 nions in his gay houi's. On one of these oc- 
 casions, a stranger came with an importunate 
 suit, for an office of great value, just vacant. 
 The King, by way of joke, desired the Earl 
 to personate him, and commanded the peti • 
 tioner to be admitted. The gentleman, ad- 
 dressing himself to the supposed Monarch, 
 enumerated his sei-vices to the Royal family, 
 and hoped the grant of the place would not 
 be deemed too great a reward. " Bj' no 
 means," answered the Eirl, "and I am only 
 sorry that as soon as I heard of the vacancy, 
 I conferred it on my faithful friend, the Earl 
 of St. Albans," pointing to the King, "who 
 constantly ibllowed the fortunes both of my 
 father and mv^^elf, and has hitherto gone un- 
 rewarded." Charles granted, for this joke, 
 what the utmost real service would not have 
 received. 
 
 THE POET WALLER. 
 
 It is remarkable, that Waller, the poet, to- 
 wards the decline of life, bought a small house, 
 with a little land, on his natal spot ; ob- 
 serving, " that he should be glad to die, like 
 the stag, where he was roused." This, how- 
 ever, did not happen. '■ When he was at 
 Beaconfield." says Johnson, "he found his 
 legs grow tumid : he went to Windsor, where 
 Sir Charles Scarborough then attended the 
 King, and requested him, as both a friend 
 and phj'sician, to tell him what that swelling 
 meant. ' Sir,' answered Scarborough, '3'our 
 blood will run no longer.' Waller repeated 
 some lines of Virgil, and went home to die. 
 As the disease increased upon him, he com- 
 posed himself for his departure ; and calling 
 upon Dr. Birch to give him the holy sacra- 
 ment, he desiied his children to take it with 
 him, and made an earnest declaration of his 
 faith in Christianity, It now appeared what 
 part of his conversation wi'h tlie great could 
 be remembered with delight, lie related, 
 that being present when the Duke of Buck- 
 ingham talked profanely before King Charles, 
 he said to him, ' My Lord, I am a great deal 
 older than vour Grace, and have, 1 believe, 
 heard more arguments for atheism than 
 ever your Grace did ; but I have lived long- 
 enough to see there is nothing in thein, 
 and so I hope your Grace will.' " 
 
 A DISTINCTION. 
 
 Two friends meeting aft;er an absence of 
 some years, during which time the one had 
 increased considerably in bulk, and the other 
 ! still resembled only the "effigy of a man" — 
 j said the stout gentleman, "Why, Dick, j-&u 
 1 look as if you had not had a dinn r since I 
 I saw you last." "And j'ou," replied the other, 
 j "look as if you had been at dinner ever 
 since." 
 
 HOW THEY EUILD IN NEW TOEK. 
 
 A gentleman, having removed into a house 
 in Hudson-street, tilted his chair backward 
 against the front wall after dinner, as all 
 Americans do, to enjoy his cigar. The dining- 
 room was on the second floor : the wall gave 
 way behind him, and he was spilled into the 
 ! street. He was an alderman, and, luckily, 
 ' pitched upon his head, or perhaps he might 
 have been hurt ; he had a two hours' head- 
 ache as it was. When he sought damages 
 in the Court of Common Pleas, he was non- 
 suited, on the ground that, living in a house 
 in New York, he must have been aware of 
 the peril, and was not entitled to compensa- 
 tion for harm of his wilful or careless seek- 
 ing. 
 
 A washerwoman in Canal-street, in drir- 
 ing a nail into the brick Vi'all of the next 
 house, thereto to attach her clothes-line, 
 struck the iron through into the skull of the 
 tenant, who happened to be taking his after- 
 noon nap in the posture of the sufferer of the 
 preceding story, and killed him as dead aa 
 Sisera. She was tried for manslaughter 
 therefore. — Boston Herald. 
 
 rATCIIING THE PLAGUE. 
 
 In the Cifi/ Hememhrancer we find the fol- 
 lowing singular record of ihe Great Plague, 
 1665 : — " A citizen broke out of his house in 
 Aldersgatestreet, and attempted, but was 
 refused going into the Angel, or the 
 White Horse, at Islington. At the Pj-ed 
 Horse he pretendeel going into Lincolnshire, 
 that he was entirely free from infection, and 
 required only lodging for one night. They 
 had but a garret bed empty, and that but 
 one night, expecting drovers with cattle next 
 day. A servant showed him the room, which 
 he gladly accepted. He was well dres.sed; 
 and, with a sigh, said he had seldom lain in 
 such a lodging, but would make shift, as it 
 was but for one night, and in a dreadful time. 
 He sat down on the bed, desiring a pint of 
 warm ale, which was forgotten. Next morn- 
 ing one asked what was become of the gen- 
 tleman ? The maid, starting, said she had 
 nev-er thought more of him ; ' He bespoke 
 warm ale, but I forgot it.' A person going 
 up, found him dead across the bed ; his 
 clothes were pulled off, his jaw fallen, his 
 eyes open, in a most frightful posture, the 
 rug of the bed clasped hard in one hand. 
 The alarm was great, having been free from 
 the distemper, which spread immediately to 
 the houses round about. Fourteen died of 
 the plague that week in Islington."
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 155 
 
 ■QXrSS BETWEKN LOKD MOHUN AND THE 
 OVK.K, OF HAMILTON. 
 
 rbis sanguinary duel, originating in a 
 pcliticaJ intrigue, was fought early oue nioin- 
 ing at the Ring, in Hyde Parlt, then the 
 usual spot for settling these so-called affairs 
 of honour. The Duke and his second, 
 Colonel Hamilton, of the P'oot Guards, wero 
 the tirst in the field. Soon after came Lord 
 Mohun, and his second. Major Macartney. 
 No sooner had the second party reached the 
 ground, than the Duke, unable to conceal his 
 feelings, turned sharply round ou Macartney, 
 and said, "I am well assured, sir, that all 
 this is by your contrivance, and, thc-refort", 
 you shall have your share in the dancp ; my 
 i'riend here. Colonel Hamilton, will entertain 
 you." " I wish for no better partner," re- 
 plied Macartney; "the Colonel may com- 
 mand me." Little more passed between 
 them, and the tight began with ia tinKt fury, 
 cacli being too intent upon doing mischief to 
 his opponent to ioik sufficienlh' to his own 
 defence. Macartney had the misfortune to 
 be speedily disarmed, though not before he 
 had wounded his adversary in the right leg ; 
 but luckily for him, at this very moment the 
 attention of the Coioncl was drawn off to the 
 condition of hie friend, and, flinging both tl;a 
 swords to a distance, he hastened to his 
 assistance. The combat, indeed, had been 
 carried on between the principjjs with un- 
 common ferocity, the loud and angry clashing 
 of the steel having called to the spot the 
 few stragglers that were abroad in the Park 
 at so early an hour. In a very short time 
 the Duke was wonnded in both legs, which 
 he returned with interest piercing his anta- 
 gonist in the groin, through the arm. and in 
 sundry other parts of his bod}'. The blood 
 flowed freely on both side?, tlieir swords, 
 their faces, and even the grass about them 
 being reddened vrith it ; but rage lent them 
 that almost supernatural strength v.hich is 
 so often seen in madmen. If they had 
 thought little enough before of attending 
 to their self-defence, they now seemed to 
 have abandoned the idea altogether. E:ich 
 at the same time made a desperate lunge at 
 the other ; the Duke's weapon passed right 
 through liis adversary u]) to the verj- hilt ; 
 and the latter, shortening his sword, plunged 
 it into the upper part of the Duke's left 
 breast, the wound running downwards into 
 his body, when his Grace fell upon liim. It 
 was now that the Colonel came to his aid, 
 and raised him in his arms. Such a blow, it 
 is probable, would have been fatal of itaelf ; 
 but Macartney hid by this timo picked up 
 one of the swords, and stabbing the Duke 
 to the heart, over Hamilton's shoulder, im- 
 mediately fled, and made his escape to Hol- 
 land. Sncb, at least, was the tale of the day, 
 widely disseminated, and gpnerally believed 
 by one party, although it was no less strenu- 
 ously denied by the other. Proclamations 
 were issued, and rewards offered, to an un- 
 usual amount, for the apprehension of tiie 
 murderer, the affair assuming all the interest 
 
 of a public question. Nay, it was roundly 
 asserted by the Tories, that the Whig faction 
 had gone so far as to place hired assassins 
 about the Park, to make sure of their victim 
 if he had escaped the open ferocity of Lord 
 Jlohun, or the yet more perilous treachery of 
 Macartnej'. 
 
 When the Duke fell, the spectators of this 
 bloody tragedy, who do not appear to have 
 interfered in any shape, then came forward 
 to bear him to the Cake House, that a 
 surgeon might be called in and his 
 wounds looked to: but the blow had been 
 struck too home ; before they could rai.se him 
 from the grass he expired. Such is one of 
 the many accounts that have been given of 
 this bloody affair, for the traditions of the 
 day are anything but uniform or consistent. 
 According to some. Lord Mohun shortened 
 his sword, and stabbed the wounded man to 
 the heart while leaning on his shoulder, and 
 unable to stand without support ; others said 
 that a servant of Lord Mohun's plajed the 
 part that was attributed by the more cre- 
 dible accounts to Macartney. This intricate 
 knot is by no maans rendered easier oi' unty- 
 ing by the verdict of the jury, who, some 
 years after, upon the trial of Macartney for 
 ihisoftencein the King's Bench, found him 
 only guilty of niuaslaugliter. 
 
 Lord iloliun himself die 1 of his wounds 
 upon the spot, and wiih him the Barony of 
 Mohun, of Okchampton, became extinct; 
 but the estate of Gtiwsworth, in Cheshire, 
 which he had inherited from the Gerards, 
 vested bj' will in his widow, and eventually 
 passed to her second daughter, Anne Giilfith, 
 wife of the Eight Honourable William Stan- 
 hope, by wliMse repiesentative, Charles, Earl 
 of Harrington, it is now enjojed. — Burke's 
 Anecdotes of the Aristocracy. 
 
 MEALY PUN". 
 
 A gentleman at dinnei- requested a 
 friend to help him to a potato, which he 
 did, saying, "I flatter myself you will find 
 that a very good and vwalii one " 1 thank 
 you," cjuoth the other, " it could not be 
 tnelior" (better). 
 
 TALKV. 
 
 Dr. Paley, when pie-ented to his first pre- 
 ferment in the church, was in very high 
 spirits. Attending at a tavern dinner just 
 after this event, and finding the draught from 
 a window annoy him, he jocosely called 
 out, "Wiiiter, shut down that win low at 
 the back of my chair, uud open another 
 behind some curate." 
 
 BACON AND HKANS. 
 
 Mrs. Fox (the wife of the great fitates- 
 nian) was remarkable for being agreeable 
 and e.asy. The Prince Kegent used often to 
 surprise them at dinner, at St. Anne's Mill. 
 Upon one occasion, Mrs. Fox said. '"Whj', 
 sir, we have only for dinner a little bacon 
 and beans." And so it literally was. The 
 Prince, howCT'er, sat down and dined most 
 heartily.
 
 156 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 MIRACI-E SOT.VKD. 
 
 In tha month of June, 1824, in a small 
 village called x\vtes, near Hostalrich, about 
 twelve le,igues from Barcelona, a Constitu- 
 tionalist being at the point of death, his 
 brother called on the curate, requesting him 
 to come and administer the sacrament. The 
 curate refused, saj-ing " Your brother is a 
 Constitutionalist, that is to say, a villain, an 
 impious wretch, an enemy to God and man — 
 he is damned without mercj-, and it is, there- 
 fore, useless for me to confess him." " But 
 who told }ou that my brother was damned?" 
 " God himself told me, during tlie sacrifice of 
 the mass, that your brother is damned to all 
 the devils." It was in vain that the brother 
 reiterated his entreaties ; the curate was inex- 
 orable. A few days after the individual died, 
 when his brother demanded for the bodj' the 
 rites of sepulture. The curate refused, 
 alleging, " The soul of yonr brother is now 
 burning in hell, as I told you before. It 
 would be in vain for me to take any trouble 
 about iriterring his body, for during the 
 night the devils will come and cany it 
 away ; and in forty days j'ou yourself 
 will meet the same fate." The Spaniard 
 not giving implicit credit to this diabo- 
 lical visit, watched during the night by 
 the bod3' of his brother, and with his 
 pistols loaded. Between twelve and one 
 o'clock, a knock was heard at the door, and a 
 voice exclaimed, " I command you to open 
 in the name of the living God ! Open '. if 
 not, j'our instant ruin is at hand." The Spa- 
 niard refused to open, and shortly after he 
 saw enter by the window three able-bodied 
 devils, covered with skins of wild beasts, 
 having the usual quantity of horns, claws, 
 and spiked tails, who set about earrj-ing the 
 coffin containing the body: upon this the 
 guardian fired, and shot one devil dead ; the 
 others took to llight ; he fired after them, and 
 wounded both — one of whom died in a few 
 minutes ; the other escaped. In the morning, 
 when the people went to church, there was 
 no curate to officiate ; and it was shortly 
 after discovered, on examining the two de- 
 funct devils, that the one was the curate, and 
 the other the vicar; the wounded devil was 
 the sacristan, who confessed the whole dia- 
 bolical jiroceeding. The ca?c was brought 
 before the tribunal at Barcelona. 
 
 UNPARALI-ELED PARSIJrONY. 
 
 Monsieur Vaudeville was one of the most 
 remarkable men in Paris for his avarice. 
 In the year 1735 he was worth one million 
 sterling. At the age cf seventy- two he con- 
 tracted a fever, which obliged him to send, 
 for the first time in his life, for a surgeon to 
 bleed him, who, asking him tenpence for 
 the operation, was dismissed. He sent for 
 an apothecary, but he was as high in his de- 
 mand, lie sent for a barber, who at length 
 agreed to undertake the operation for three- 
 pence a time. 
 
 "But," said the stingy old fellow, "how 
 cft-'^n v'll it 'w rcnuisite to l.leed ?" 
 
 "Three times," answered the barber. 
 
 " And what quantity of blood do you in- 
 tend to take?" 
 
 " About eight ounces," was the answer. 
 
 "That will be ninepence — too much, too 
 much," said the miser. " I have determined 
 to adopt a cheaper way ; take the whole 
 quantity you design to take at three times at 
 one, and it will save me sixpence." 
 
 This being insisted upon, he lost twenty- 
 four ounces of blood, which caused his death 
 in a few days, and he left his immense pro- 
 perty to the King. 
 
 QUEER SPECIMENS OF HONOUR. 
 
 Sir Robert L'Estrange tells us of a French 
 woman who stood up for the honour of her 
 family. Her coat (she said) was quartered 
 with the arras of France, which was so far 
 trae that she had the feur de lis stamped 
 (we must not say branded) upon her 
 shoulder. 
 
 He also tells us of a Spaniard who wa."! 
 wonderfully upon the huff about his extrac- 
 tion, and would needs prove himself of such 
 a family, by the spelling of his name. A 
 cavalier in the company, with whom he 
 had the controversv, very civilly yielded him 
 the point, " For," says he," I have examined 
 the records of the House of Correction, and 
 I find your grandfather was whipped there 
 by that name." 
 
 A third, of a gentleman thief under sen- 
 tence of death, for a robbery upon the high- 
 wa}', who petitioned for the right hand in the 
 cart to the place of execution. 
 
 And of a gentleman cobbler, who charged Lis 
 son at his death to maintain the honour of 
 his family. 
 
 Farquhar, in his comedy of the " Kecruit- 
 ing Officer," makes Sergeant Kite siy, re- 
 specting the Bed of Honour, that " it is a 
 mighty large bed, bigger by half than the 
 great Bed of Ware. Ten thousand people 
 may lie in it together, and never teel one 
 ancHher." 
 
 A LAST FAREWELL. 
 
 When the Prince of Orange, in 1508, re- 
 tired to Germany, apprehendmg the danger 
 that followed, he entreated Count Egmont to 
 accompanj- him, who refused. " Farewell," 
 said he, taking leave of the Prince of Orange, 
 '' Prince without an estate." " Farewell," 
 replied he, " Count without a head." The 
 Prince's pithy remark was soon veritied ; for, 
 a few weeks afterwards, the Count being on 
 an excursion, was taken prisoner and exe- 
 cuted. 
 
 DINDE AUX TRUFFES. 
 
 There is a well-known story in the Italian 
 jest-books r.bout a bet between two car- 
 dinals. The wager was a dinde a>ix truffes 
 (a turkey with truffles). The loser postpones 
 payment till the very eve of the Carnival, 
 when the winner reminds him of the debt 
 He excuses himself on the ground (hat truf- 
 fles were worth nothing that year. " Bah ! 
 bah !" says the other, " that is a false report 
 originating with tl'.e turkeys."
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 157 
 
 FIVES. 
 
 Fives-playiug, at Copenhagen House, is 
 recorde-i, in a memoir oi' Cavanagh, the 
 famous fives-player, by Mr. Hazlitt, which 
 firs^t appeared in the Examiner of February 
 17, 1819. Cavanagh was an Irishman. He 
 used frequently to play matches at Copen- 
 hagen House for wagers and dinners. The 
 m|1 against which they play is the same 
 tfflrc supports the kitchen chimney ; and when 
 the wall resounded louder than usual, the 
 cook exclaimed, " Those are the Irishman's 
 balls!" and the joints trembled on the spit. 
 
 DEATH OF LORD BACON. 
 
 " The cause of his Lordship's death," says 
 Aubrey, in his MSS., now preserved in the 
 Aslimolean Museum, at Oxford, " was try- 
 ing an experiment, as he was takeing the 
 aire in the coach with Dr. Witherhorne, a 
 Scotch man, phisitian to the King. Towards 
 Hijjhgate, snow lay on the ground, and it 
 came into my Lord's thoughts why fiesh 
 might not be presei-ved in snow as in salt. 
 They were resolved they would try the ex- 
 periment presently ; they alighted out of the 
 coacli, and went into a poore woman's house 
 at the bottome of Highgate-hill, and bought 
 a hen, and made the woman extenterate it, 
 and then stuffed the bodie with snow ; and 
 my Lord did help to doe it himself. The 
 snow so chilled him that he immediately fell 
 so ill, that he could not return to his lodgings 
 (I sippose then at Gray's Inn), but went to 
 the Earl of Arundel's house, at Highgate, 
 where they put him into a good bed, warmed 
 with a panne ; but it was a dampe bed, that 
 had no; been !ayn in for about a yeare be- 
 fore, which gave him such a colde, that in 
 two or three dayes, as I remember, he 
 (Hobbes) told me, he died of suffocation." 
 
 COLI.INS, THE POET. 
 
 Collins, the poet, lived some time at Isling- 
 ton. " After his return from France," says Dr. 
 JohnsoP, in his "Lives of the Poets," "the 
 writer of this character paid him a visit at 
 Islington, where he was waiting for his sis- 
 ter, whom he had directed to meet him," &c. 
 Cowper, alluding to the above passage, in a 
 letter to the Rev. John Newton, dated March 
 15, 1784, says: — "1 have lately finished 
 Johnson's ' Prefaces ; or. Lives of the Poets.' 
 In all th; . ..^moer, I observe but one man — 
 a poet of no great'famc — of whom 1 did not 
 know that he existed till 1 found him there, 
 whose mind seems to have had the slightest 
 tincture of religion; and he was hardly in 
 his senses. His name was Collins. He sank 
 into a state of melancholy, and died young. 
 Not long before his death, he was found at 
 his lodgings, at Islington, by his biographer, 
 with the New Testament in his hand. He 
 said to Johnson, ' 1 have but one book, but 
 it is the best.' Of him, therefore, there are 
 some hopes. But, from the lives of all the 
 rest, there is but one inference to l)e drawn — 
 that poets are a very worthlesSj wicked set of 
 people." 
 
 AKGUMENTATIVE. 
 
 The Vermont Merniry has the following 
 excellsnt defence lately made to an action 
 by a down-east lawyer: — "There are three 
 points in the cause, may it please your 
 honor," said the defendant's counsel : " lu 
 the first place, we contend that the kettle 
 was cracked when we borrowed it; secondly, 
 that it was whole when we returuei it ; and 
 thirdly, that we never had it." 
 
 FRANKING LETTEKS. 
 
 The Princess Augusta asked Lord Wal- 
 singham for a frank. He wrote one for her 
 in such detestable characters, that, at the end 
 of a month, after having wandered half over 
 England, it v.as opened, and returned to her 
 as illegible. The Princess complained to 
 Lord Walsingham. and he then wrote the 
 frank for her so ItgiMy, that at the end of a 
 couple of davs it was returned to her,marl»i 
 " Forgery !"' 
 
 IMMENSE LENS. 
 
 At the house, No. 1, Bird's- buildings, on 
 the east side of the Lower-street, Islington, 
 some years ago, resided a very ingenious ar- 
 tisan, named Penn, who there fabricated a 
 convex burning-glass of most extraordinary 
 powers, for Mr. Parker, an eminent glass- 
 manufacturer in i'leet-street. " He erected," 
 says Mr. Nelson, "an out-building at the 
 bottom of his garden (lately converted into 
 a dwelling), for the purpose of carrying on his 
 operations ; and at length succeeded in pro- 
 ducing the most powerful burning lens that 
 had ever been constructed. Iti diameter was 
 three feet; an.l the completing the machine, 
 with its necessary^ ajjparatus, is said to have 
 cost his employer upwards of £700. Its 
 powers were astonishing ; tlie most hard and 
 solid substances of the mineral world, as pla- 
 tina, iron, steel, flint, stone, &c., were melted 
 in a few seconds, on being exposed to its 
 intense focus ; and it is stated that a dia- 
 mond, weighing ten grains, exposed to this 
 lens for thirty minutes, was reduced to six 
 grains: during which operation it opened 
 and foliated like the leaves of a flower, and 
 emitted whitish fumes; and when closed 
 again, it bore a polish and retaintd its form. 
 A full description of this extraordinary ma- 
 chine, with a comparative statement of its 
 effect upon a variety of substances, will be 
 found in the Cyclopaidia by Dr. Kees ; fr..m 
 which it appears that a subscription was pro- 
 jjosed, for raising the sum of 700 guineas 
 towards indemnifying the charges of Mr. 
 Parker, and retaining this very curious and 
 useful macliine in our own country ; but, 
 from the failure of the subscription, and some 
 other concurring circumstances, that gentle- 
 man was induced to dispose of it (o Captain 
 Mackintosh, who accompanied Lord Ma- 
 cartney in the embassy to China; and it was 
 left, much to the regret of philosophers in 
 Europe, at Pekin, where it remains in the 
 hands of persons who most probably know 
 neither its value nor use.
 
 1&8 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 A MA&DAI.EHG. 
 
 ^ A French bishop preaching, exclaimed, 
 " A Magdalene is present ; she is looking at 
 me. I will not mention her name, but I will 
 throw vny book at her." He then raised hia 
 ami as if to put his threat into execution, 
 ■when all the women in the church ducked 
 tlieir heads. " What!" said he; "allMag- 
 
 X (laJenes !" 
 
 IRISH BLUNDERS. 
 
 The Irish blunder is sui pene?-is; and it is 
 not only of a class by itself, but it is of the 
 best class. It always puzzles, which mere 
 clownishness does not; but it always amuses 
 by i's oddity, its novelty, and its humour. 
 Of this order was the exclamation of the 
 Irish gentleman, who, on getting a ten-pound 
 prize in the lottery, and finding that the 
 prize was less than the money which he had 
 paid for it, cried out, " What luck it was that 
 I did not get the £20,000 ; I must have been 
 entirely ruined !" 
 
 An orator, in the Irish House of Commons, 
 was describing the inordinate love of praise 
 which characterized an opponent. "The 
 honourable member," ' said he, " is so fond 
 of being praised, that I really believe he 
 would be content to give up the ghost, if it 
 were but to look up and read the stone-cut- 
 ter's pufF on his grave." 
 
 " Contempt, of money," was the expression 
 of another. "The honourable member pro- 
 fesses to play the philosopher. I can assure 
 you, Mr. Speaker, that if there is any or;e 
 office that glitters in the eyes of the honour- 
 able member, it is that of purse-bearer ; a 
 pension to him is a compendium of all the 
 cardinal virtups. All his statesmanship is 
 comprehended in the art of taxing; and for 
 good, better, and best, in the scale of human 
 nature, he invariably reads, pence, shillings, 
 and pounds. I verily believe," exclaimed 
 the orator, rising to the height of his con- 
 ception, " that, if the honourable gentleman 
 were an undertaker, it would he the delight 
 of his heart to see all mankind seized with a 
 common mortality', that he might have the 
 benefit of the general burial, and provide 
 scarves and hatbands for tlie survivors." 
 
 "Is there any ford there?" asked an En- 
 glish tourist, who came suddenly to a full 
 stop before one of the little mountain torrents 
 of the west of Ireland. " Oh, to be sure, 
 your honour, there was a ford," said a 
 peasant standing at the brink, and making a 
 hundred grimaces of civility. "When was 
 it?" said the tourist. "Before the bridge 
 was built," said the peasant ; " but when 
 man and horse went over the bridge, the 
 ford got out of the habit." " Well, now 
 that the bridge is broken down, I sup- 
 pose the ford may have got into the habit 
 again. Is it safe?" "To bo sure, your 
 honour, all but in the middle, but that is 
 nothing ; and if you can swim, there is not a 
 better ford in the country." "But I cannot 
 swim." " Then, your honour, the only safe 
 way that 1 know of is, as soon as you get 
 out of your depth, to walk hack again.'" 
 
 AN OLD SOLDIER. 
 
 It was remarked by an elderly gentleman 
 in a coffee-room one day, when it was rain- 
 ing veiy hard and the water running down 
 the streets, that it reminded him of the 
 general deluge. " Zound.s, sir," said an old 
 veteran officer near him, "who's he? I have 
 heard of all the Generals in Europe but 
 him." — This reminds one of the print-col- 
 lector inquiring for a portrait of Admiral 
 Noah, to illustrate Lord BjTon's "Don 
 Juan." 
 
 SCARLET FEVER. 
 
 During the legal tibsence of Mr. Campbell 
 (now Lord Campbell), on bis matrimonial 
 trip with the ci-devavt Mi.'S Scarlett, Mr. 
 Justice Abbott observed, when a cause was 
 called on in the Bench, "I thought, Mr. 
 Brougham, that Mr. Campbell was in this 
 case." "Yes, my Lord," replied Mr. 
 Brougham, with that sarcastic look peculiarly 
 his own ; " he was, mj' Lord, but I under- 
 stand he is ill." "I sm Sony to hear that, 
 Mr. Brougham," said the Judge, taking snuff. 
 " My Lord," replied Mr. Brougham, "it is 
 whispered here that the cause of my learnad 
 friend's absence is the Scarlett fever.'' 
 
 AS EXPLOSION. 
 
 According to a tablt-t which now hangs 
 beneath the organ-gallery of the church of 
 AU-hallows, Barking, Tower-street, a serious 
 accident happened to the building in the 
 middle of the 17th century: it states that 
 " This church was much deiaced and ruined 
 hj a lamentable blow of twenty-seven bar- 
 rels of gunpowder, that took fire the 4th day 
 of Januar}', 1649, in a ship-chandler's house, 
 over against the south side of the church ; 
 and was afterwards repaired and beautified, 
 at the sole cost of divers of the parishioners, 
 by a voluntary' contribution, as it is recorded 
 in the church books." 
 
 Strype, the antiquary, gives a minute 
 account of this accident : the chandler w.is 
 busy in his shop barrelling the powder abont 
 seven o'clock in the evening, when it became 
 ignited, and blew up not merely that house, 
 but fifty or sixty others adjacent. The 
 number'of persons who were destroyed was 
 never ascertained; for the next house but 
 cne was a tavern, known as "The Rose," 
 which was full of companj' when the explo- 
 sion took place, in consequence Of a parish 
 dinner: it must have been very great, how- 
 ever, judging from the limbs and bodies 
 which were dug from the ruins. The hostess 
 of the tavern sitting in the bar, and the waiter 
 standing by with a tankard in his hand, 
 were found entire beneath some timbers 
 which had formed a roof over them, but 
 were dead from suffocation. It is recorded, 
 that in the morning after this disaster, a 
 female infant was discovered lying on the 
 top of Barking church in a cradle, without 
 any traces of fire, and unharmed. The 
 parents were never traced, but the infant- 
 was taken charge of by a parishioner, and 
 lived to an adult age.
 
 KAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 159 
 
 FBENCU SOUP. 
 
 Daring a aunpait;n in Germanr, Lord 
 Townsend, who commanded one of the bri- 
 gades, gave a dinner to his oificers, as is 
 usual ■with geaerals on a march. When the 
 soup was served up, a universal compluint 
 was made of its horrid taste. An inquiry 
 was instantly made into the cause, when it 
 was found that the French, by whom the 
 place had been occupied as an hospital but 
 two days before, on retreating, for the pur- 
 pose of expediting the interment of their 
 dead, had thrown many of them into the 
 wells. The company instantly broke up in 
 disorder : but old Major Hume, of the 25th 
 Foot, who had been a toldier from his infancy, 
 and often, no doubt, fared on viands not the 
 most delicate, proceeded with characteristic 
 indifference to tinish his dinner, exclaiming 
 that the soup was good, and that it would 
 have been better if the whole French army 
 had bec-n in the water of which it was made. 
 
 SHERIDAN AND THB PLAYWRIGHT 
 
 A playwright had sent a comedy to 
 Mr. Sheridan for perusal, and, of course, 
 approval, and of course heard nothing 
 mora of his comecJy. Ho waited six 
 months patienth' ; the season was then 
 over, and he therefore resolved to wait 
 on till the next season began : he did so ; 
 he then called at Mr. Sheridan's, who at 
 that time lived in George-street, Hanover- 
 square— not at home, of course ; he then 
 dispatched a note — no answer; another — 
 ditto; another call — still the same result. 
 At last, however, the author hit upon the 
 expedient of posting himself in the hall on a 
 day in the evening of which there was to be 
 an important debate in the House of Com- 
 mons. This was a blockade which even the 
 ingenuity o." the wit could not evade ; the 
 author was therefore admitted. 
 
 His inquiries were respectful, but earnest. 
 
 " My comedy, Mr. Sheridan — I " 
 
 " Yes — to be sure — clearly — the ?" 
 
 " ' Fashionable Involvements,' in five acts," 
 said the author, helping his great friend to 
 the name of his work, which he hoped might 
 recall the work itself to his recollection — a 
 hope most vain. 
 
 "Upon my word," said Sheridan, "I — I'm 
 in a great hurry — I really don't remember — 
 I am afraid your play has been somehow 
 mislaid." 
 
 "Mislaid!" excliumed the anxious parent 
 of the lost bantling. *' My dear nir, if it is, 
 I am ruined — 1 have no copy of it." 
 
 "• It is very unfortunate," said Mr. Sheri- 
 dan, " ver}- — I'm sure I regret — I " 
 
 " But what cm I do, .-Ir?"' said the author. 
 
 " I tell you what, my dear friend," replied 
 Mr. Sheridan, " I cannot promise you your 
 own play back, because I don't know where 
 any of the last year's pieces are ; but if you 
 will open that t'ble-drawer, you will find a 
 great number that have been sent me this 
 year: you may take any three of those in 
 exchange, and do what you like with them." 
 
 CABEMK, THE COOK. 
 
 Careme is a lineal descendant of that cele- 
 brated chef of Leo X., who received the name 
 of Jean de CarSmc (^Jack of Lent), for a 
 soup-maigre which he invented for the Pope. 
 It is remarkable that the first decisive proof 
 of genius given by our Cai-eme himself was 
 a sauce for fast-dinners. The competition 
 for the services of an artist thus accomplished 
 was, of course, unparalleled. Half the So- 
 vereigns of Europe were suitors to him. He 
 was induced, by persevering solicitations, 
 and the promise of a salary of £1000, to 
 become chef to George IV., then Regent, 
 but left him at the end of a few months, 
 complaining that it was a menage houryeoh. 
 During the time he condescended to stay at 
 Carlton House, immense pijces were given 
 for his second-hand putts, after they had 
 made their appearance at the Regent's" fable. 
 The Emperors of Austria and Russia made 
 new advances to him upon this occasion ; but 
 in vain. '• Mon ame," said he, " toute 
 Fran^atse, ne peut vivre qtt'tn France ;" and 
 he ended by accepting an engagement with 
 Baron liothschild, of Paris. 
 
 IIOYAL SPEECH BY CANDLK-LIGHT. 
 
 The opening day of the sessidn of Parlia- 
 ment in 1836 was unusually gloom v, which, 
 added to an imperfection in the sight of 
 William IV., and the darkness of the 
 House of Lords, especially where the throne 
 was situated, rendered it impossible for the 
 King to read the royal speech with facility. 
 Most patierily and gcod-naturedh' did he 
 struggle with the task, often hesitating,, 
 sometimes mistaking, and at others correct- 
 ing himself. On one occasion he stuck 
 altogetiitr, and after two or three ineffec- 
 tual effijrts to make out the word, he was 
 obliged to give it up, when, turning to Lord 
 Melbourne, who stood on his right hand, 
 and looking him most significantly in the 
 face, he said, in a tone sufficiently loud to be 
 audible in all parts of the house, " Eh ! 
 what is it?" Lord Melbourne having whis- 
 pered the obstructing word, the King pro- 
 ceeded to toil through the speed), but, by 
 the time he got to abouf the middle, the 
 librarian brought him tv.'o wax tapers, on 
 which he suddenly paused, and raising his 
 head, and looking at the Lords and Com- 
 mons, he addressed them on the spur ci' the 
 moment in a perfectly distinct voice, and 
 without the least embarrassment or the 
 mistake of a single word, in these terms : — 
 " Jly Lords and Gentlemen, 
 
 " I have hitherto not been able, from 
 want of light, to rtad this speech in the way 
 its importance deserves ; but, as lights are 
 now brought me, 1 will read it again from 
 the commencement, and in a way which, I 
 trust, will command yom* attention." 
 
 He then again, though evidently fatigued 
 by the dillirult}- of reading in the first in- 
 stance, began at the beginning, and read 
 through the speech in a manner which would 
 have done credit to any professor of elocution.
 
 160 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 A GOOD RULE. 
 
 It was Count Charles deMorney's practice, 
 whenever he dined at a table d'hote, to in- 
 struct his valet to come in and sit down with 
 the company, place liimself at the bottom oi 
 top of the table, treat his master as a perfect 
 stranger, and help him to the best of ever}' 
 thing. 
 
 KDMUND KEAN's FIRST SEASON. 
 
 In the course of the season (1814), Kean 
 played sixty-eight iiight-^. The total amount 
 of monev received at Drury-I^ane Theatre 
 on the sixty-eight nights of bis performance 
 was £32, 642 l'2s. Gd. (This includes a calcu- 
 lation of £1700 only for private boxes.) 
 When he came to the theatre, the receipts 
 averaged £212 per night. During his nights, 
 the general average was£o09 9s. per night! 
 
 £ 3. d. 
 The larrest receipts on the repre- 
 sentation of Shvloclc was ... 531 2 
 Do. of Richard III. ... 055 13 G 
 
 Do. of Hamlet GGO 2 
 
 Do. oflago ... ... 573 G G 
 
 Do. of Otnello G73 18 6 
 
 And the number of persons wlio visited the 
 theatre on the sixty-eight nights of his per- 
 formance was 1 GG,742 
 
 The result of the calculation is, that 
 (subject only to Kean's own salary) the 
 theaU e cleared, by his services afone, during 
 those nights, upwards of twenty thousand 
 rouNDS : 
 
 ESCAPE OF TOM PAINE. 
 
 The notorious political writer, Thomas 
 Paine, was member for Calais in the National 
 Assembly, after the French revolution. 
 When Robespierre came into power, Paine 
 was arrested and carried to prison, no reason of 
 any consequence being assigned for this harsh 
 treatment. The event is thus recorded in 
 his own words : — •' One hundred and sixty- 
 eight persons v.ere taken out of the Luxem- 
 bourg in one night, and one hundred and sixty 
 of them executed the next day. Amongst 
 this number my name was included ; and 
 tl'.e manner I escaped the guillotine is curious, 
 having all the appearance of accident. 
 
 " The room in which I was lodged was on 
 the ground-floor, and one of a long range of 
 chambers under a gallery, v/ith the door 
 opening outwards flat against the wall ; so 
 that, when it was open, the inside of the dour 
 appeared outward, and the contrary when it 
 was shut. 
 
 " When persons by scores and hundreds 
 were to be taken out of the prison for the 
 guilioiine, it was always done in the night; 
 and those who performed that office had a 
 private mark, by which the}' knew what 
 rooms to visit and what number to take. 
 The door of my room was marked one morn- 
 ing, unobserved by me, when it was open, 
 and flat against the wall ; being closed in 
 the evening, the fatal line of chalk came in- 
 side — and thus the destroying angel passed 
 by. A few days after this, Robespierre fell, 
 and Mr. Munroe arrived to reclaim me, and 
 to invite me to hia house." 
 
 SIK JOSEPH BAKlvS's " BALANCE." 
 
 At the death of Sir Joseph Banks, ther 
 ■was left at the apartments of the Royal So 
 ciely, at Somerset House, an instrument called 
 a balance, constructed b}' Ramsden, the pro- 
 perty of Sir Joseph. The secretaries ac- 
 cordingly wrote to his widow, requesting ta 
 know her wishes respecting the instrument. 
 " Pay it into Coutts's," was her Ladyship's 
 repl.y. 
 
 MELTING OF A WATCH liY LIGHTNING. 
 
 During a violent thunder-storm in 1844, 
 a lishing-boat belonging to one of the Shet- 
 land Islands was struck by lightning. The 
 electric fluid came down the mast, which it 
 ture into shivers, and melted a watch in 
 the pocket of a man who was sitting close 
 by the side of the mast, without injuring 
 him. Not only was the man altogether un- 
 hurt, but his clothes also were uninjured ; 
 and lie was not aware of what h id takeO 
 place until, on taking out his watch, he found 
 it was fused into a mass ! 
 
 YOUNG AND OLD. 
 
 A very gallant naval officer, after having 
 obtained two stops in his profession, by 
 actions with the enemy, waited on William 
 the Fourth, when he was Lord High Admiral, 
 to ask for a ship, in reply to which request 
 he was good-humouredly told that " he was 
 too young." A few weeks afterwards, on 
 making a similar request to Sir J. Graham, 
 who had just succeeded to be Fir«t Lord of 
 the Admiralty, with grave dignity he was 
 told that the policy of the Government 
 was to bring forward young men, and that he 
 was too old ; whereupon he instantl}' turned 
 on his heel, declaring that he would never 
 again set foot in theAdmiralty till he was 
 sent for. 
 
 KUFFS AND BEEVES. 
 
 These birds are worth nothing in their 
 wild state, and the art of fattening them is 
 traditionally said to have been discovered 
 by the monks of Yorkshire, where they are 
 still in high favour with the clerical profes- 
 sion, as a current anecdote will show. At a 
 grand dinner at Bishopthorp (in Archbishop 
 Markham's time) a dish of rufts and reeves 
 chanced to be placed immediately in front o! 
 a young divine who had come down to he. 
 examined for priest's orders, and was con- 
 siderately (or, as it turned out, incon- 
 siderately) asked to dinner by his Gract\ 
 Out of sheer modesty, the clerical tj-ro con- 
 fined himself exclusively to the dish before 
 him, and persevered in'his indiscriminating 
 attention to it till one of the resident digni- 
 taries (all of whom were waiting only the 
 proper moment to participate) observed him 
 and called the attention of the company by a 
 loud exclamation of alarm. But the warn- 
 ing came too late ; the ruff's and reeves had 
 vanished to a bird, and with them, we are 
 concerned to add, all the candidate's hopes 
 of Yorkshire preferment are said to have 
 vaniahed too.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 161 
 
 WATERLOO MEDAL. 
 
 \ A Frendinian meeting an English soldier 
 with a Waterloo medal, began sneeringly to 
 animadvert on the British Government for 
 bestowing such a trifle, which did not cost 
 them three francs. " That is true, to be sure," 
 replied the soldier ; " it did not cost the En- 
 glish Government three francs, but it cost the 
 French a Napoleon." 
 
 A REASOX. 
 
 V One Easter, the Emperor Nicholas, on 
 coming out of his palace at St. Petersburghf 
 addressed the .sentry with his usual familiar- 
 ity, in the form of salutation prescribed for 
 that day — "Christ is risen!" Instead of the 
 usual reply, " He is, indeed," the fellow an- 
 swered gravely, " He is tiot, indeed !" " Hey ! 
 how.' what is that?" said the Emperor; "I 
 said 'Christ is risen !' " "And I replied, 'He 
 is not!' " " Why, who and what, in Heaven's 
 name, are ycu ?" asked the Autocrat. " I am 
 a Jew!" exclaimed the sentry. 
 
 FLEET 3L4RRIAGES. 
 
 The following description of these marri.ige3 
 is given in the Grti!/-street Journal of Jan., 
 1735 : — " There are a set of drunken, swear- 
 ing pardons, with their myrmidons, who 
 wear black coats, and pretend to be clerks 
 and registers of the Fleet, and who ply 
 about Ludgate-hill, pulling and forcing peo- 
 ple to some peddling alehouse or brandy- 
 shop to be married, even on a Sunday, stop- 
 ping them as they go to church, and almost 
 tearing thpir clothes off their backs." The 
 indecency of these practices, and the facility 
 they afforded for accomplishing forced and 
 fraudulent marriages, were not the only evils 
 attending this state of the law. Marriages 
 could be antedated, without limit, on pay- 
 ment of a fee, or not entered at all. Parties 
 could be married without declaring their 
 names. It was a common practice for wo- 
 men to hire temporary husbands, at the Fleet, 
 in order that they might be able to plead 
 coverture to an action for debt, or to produce 
 a certificate in case of their being encemte. 
 Those hired liushands were provided bj' the 
 parson for five shillings each ; sometimes they 
 were women. It appears.that for half -a-guinea 
 a marriage might be regij-tered and certified 
 that never took place. The marriage of the . 
 Hon. H. Fox, son of the first Lord Holland, ' 
 to the daughter of the Duke of Richmond, 
 at the P'leet, in 1744, and the increase of 
 these irregular practices, led to the introduc- 
 tion of the Marriage Act, which was passed 
 with great diffii.ulty. The interval between 
 the passing of the bill, and its coming into 
 operation, afforded a rich harvest to the par- 
 sons of the Fleet and May Pair. In one 
 register-book there sre entered 217 mar- 
 riages which took place at the Fleet on the 
 L'oth of March, 1754, the day previous to the 
 act coming into force. Clandestine mar- - 
 riages coniinued at the Savoy till 1756, when I 
 a minister and his curate being transported, I 
 an effectual stop was put to them. 
 
 REVOLUTIONAKY RELATION. 
 
 St. Just, the French revolutionary leader 
 was always puffed up with his sense of self- 
 importance, and showed this so plainly in his 
 demeanour, that Caniille Desmoulins said he 
 " carried his head like the holy sacrament " 
 (le Saint Sacrcment)—" and 1" said St. 
 Just, on the sneer being reported to him, 
 which has the merit of giving a very pic- 
 turesque description of the subject, " and I 
 will make him carry his head like St. Denis," 
 alluding to the legend of that saint having 
 walked from Paris to his grave carrying his 
 head under his arm. 
 
 A SN'AIL DINNER. 
 
 The chemical philosophers, Dr. Black and 
 Dr. Hutton, were particular friends, though 
 there was something extremely opposite in 
 their external appearance and manner. Dr. 
 Black spoke with the English pronunciation, 
 and with punctilious accuracy of expression, 
 bo:h in point of matter and manner. The 
 geologist, Dr. Hutton, was the very reverse 
 of this : his conversation was conducted in 
 broad phrases, expres^^ed with a broad Scotck 
 accent, which often heightened the humoui 
 of what he said. 
 
 It chanced that the two doctors had held 
 some discourse together upon the folly of ab- 
 staining from feeding on the testaceous crea- 
 tures of the land, while those of the sea were 
 considered as delicacies. Wherefore not eat 
 snails.' they are known to be nutritious and 
 wholesome, and even sanative in some cases. 
 The epicures of old praised them among the 
 richest delicacies, and the Italians still esteenj 
 them. In short, it was determined that a 
 gastronomic experiment should be made at 
 the expense of the snails. The snails were 
 procured, dieted for a time, and then Etewed 
 for the benefit of the two philosophers, who 
 had either invited no guests to their banquet, 
 or found none who relished in prospect the 
 piece de resistance. A huge dish of snails 
 was placed before them : still, philosophers 
 are but men after all ; and the stomachs of 
 both doctors began to revolt against the ex- 
 periment. Nevertheless, if they looked with 
 disgust on the snails, they retained their awe 
 for each other, so that each, conceiving the 
 s^-mptonis of inteiTial revolt peculiar to him- 
 self, began, with infinite exertion, to swallow, 
 in very small quantities, the mess which he 
 internally loathed. 
 
 Doctor Black at length showed the white 
 feather, but in a very delicate manner, as if 
 to sound the opinion of his messmate. "Doc- 
 tor," he said, in his precise and quiet man- 
 ner — " Doctor, do you think that they taste 
 
 a little — a very little, green?" "D d 
 
 green I d d green, indeed ! Tak' them 
 
 awa' — tak' them awa' !" vociferated Dr. Hut- 
 ton, starting up from table, and giving full 
 vent to his feelings of abhorrence. So ended 
 all hopes of introducing snails into the mo- 
 dem cuisine; and thus philosophy can no 
 more cure a nau-sea, than honour can set & 
 broken limb.
 
 1«? 
 
 EAILWAY ANECiA^ir- COOK. 
 
 EAR FOR MUSIC. 
 
 When one of the Sandwich Island Princes 
 was in England, he was present at a Royal 
 entertainment, at which the band from one 
 of the regiments of guards performed some 
 very scientific and composite pieces of music. 
 The Sandwich Islander was observed to listen 
 most intently, and being asked by one of the 
 company whether he was pleased with the 
 music, he answered that he had been greatly 
 delighted with the drum. 
 
 THEODORE HOOK AT THE ATHEN^UM 
 CLUB. 
 
 It is said that at the Athenffium Club, in 
 Pall-mall, the number of dinners fell off by 
 upwards of 300 per annmn, after Theodore 
 Hook disappeared from his favourite comer, 
 near the door of the coffee-room. The cor- 
 ner alluded to will, we suppose, long retain 
 the name which it derived from him— Tem- 
 perance Corner. Many grave and dignified 
 persons being frequent guests, it would 
 hardly have been seemly to have been calling 
 for repeated supplies of a certain description ; 
 but the waiters well understood what the 
 oracle of the corner meant by "Another 
 glass of toast-and-water," or " A little more 
 lemonade." 
 
 EST-lL POSSIBLE? 
 
 A few days after the landing of William 
 of Nassau at Torbay, the officers, nobility, 
 and courtiers of James II. began ta fall off 
 from their falling master, as usual in such 
 cases. Amongst the most feithful, however, 
 apparently, was Prince George of Denmark, 
 consort of the Princess Anne, James's daugh- 
 ter. At every fresh account of a defection of 
 a Lord A., Lord B., or Lord C, the indignant 
 Prince George exclaimed, " Est-il possible ?" 
 This continued for three or four days ; till 
 at length, one morning, the unfortunate 
 Monarch inquiring whj' Prince George was 
 missing from his thinned levee, the answer 
 was, on account of his desertion to William. 
 " What!" said James, "is Est-il possible gone 
 also?" 
 
 SWEET REPROOF. 
 
 It is related that once in the House of 
 Commons Lord Chatham began a speech 
 with the words, "Sugar, Mr. Speaker;" 
 and then, observing a smile to pervade the 
 audience, he paused, looked fiercely around, ' 
 and with a loud voice, rising in its notes and 
 swelling into vehement anger, he is said to 
 have pronounced again the word "Sugar!" 
 three times, and having thus quelled the 
 House, and extinguished every appearance 
 of levity or laughter, turned round and dis- 
 dainfully asked, " Who will laugh at sugar 
 now ?" We have this anecdote upon good 
 traditional authority, says Lord Brougham. 
 That it was believed by those who had the 
 best means of knowing Lord Chatham, is 
 certain ; and this of itself shows their sense 
 of the extraordinary powers of his manner, 
 and the reach of his audacity iii trusting to 
 those powers. 
 
 ROYAL REPAUTEE. 
 
 When the King of Denmark was about to 
 quit the Congress of Vienna, the Emperor 
 Alexander observed, " Your Majesty carries 
 away all our hearts." Upon which, the King, 
 who had not profited by the general scramble 
 for the provinces, wittily replied, " Yes, Sire, 
 but not a single soul." 
 
 "A SCRATCH." 
 
 In Cadell's " Campaigns in Egypt," it is 
 related:— "An Irishman, Dan Fitzgibbon, 
 pf the Grenadiers, like most of his country- 
 men, possessed both courage and humour. 
 He was placed at a bank which he was to 
 fire over, but on no account to show himself. 
 Poor Dan, not taking this advice, jumped 
 upon the bank every round he fired, to see if 
 he had hit any one. At last a Frenchman 
 shot him through the back of the left hand. 
 It was seen that something had happened, 
 and he was asked what was the matter? 
 Dan, very quietly looking at his bleeding 
 fist, and scratching his head with the other, 
 said, ' I wish I knew who did this.' " 
 
 SAGACITY OF RATS. 
 
 The Rev. Mr. Ferrj-mnn resided at Quorn, 
 in Leicestershire. Walking out in some 
 meadows, one evening, he observed a great 
 number of rats in the act of migrating from 
 one place to another, which it is known they 
 are in the habit of doing occasionally. He 
 stood perfectly still, and the whole assem- 
 blage passed close to him. His astonish- 
 ment, however, was great when he saw 
 amongst the number an old, blind rat, which 
 held one end of a piece of stick in its mouth, 
 while another rat liad hold of the other end 
 of it, and thus conducted its blind companion. 
 Mr. Ferryman has a large glass case of En 
 glish rats, in which this interesting anecdote 
 is commemorated with equal truth and 
 fidelity. 
 
 Mr. Ferryman also relates that he had an 
 old friend, a clergyman, of retired and stu- 
 dious habits. When sitting in his room one 
 day, he saw an English rat come out of a 
 hole at the bottom of the wainscot; he threw 
 it a piece of bread, and, in process of lime, 
 he so familiarised the animal, that it became 
 perfectly tame, ran about him, was his con- 
 stant companion, and appeared much at- 
 tached to him. He was in the habit of 
 reading in bed at night ; and was on one oc- 
 casion awoke by feeling a sharp bite on his 
 cheek, when he discovered the curtains of 
 his bed to be on fire. He made bis escape, 
 but his house was burnt down, and he saw 
 no more of his rat. He was, however, con- 
 vinced, and remained so for the rest of his 
 life, that his old companion had saved him 
 from being burnt to death, by biting his 
 cheek, and thus making him aware of his 
 danger. The marks of teeth were visible 
 upon it, and the reader may put what faith 
 he pleases on the supposition of the good 
 clergyman. He himself was always indig- 
 nant if any one doubted it. — Jesse.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 163 
 
 THE SKA-SERPENT OFF THE WliSTEBN 
 ISLANDS. 
 
 The most authentic btatement is that by 
 the Rev. Mr. M Clem, pariah minister of 
 £igg, one of the Western Islands, and ad- 
 dressed by him to the secretary of the Wer- 
 nerian Society, dated 1809 : — " I saw the ani- 
 mal of which you inquire in June, 1808, on 
 the coast of Coll. Rowing along that coast, 
 I observed, at about the distance of half a 
 mile, an oiject to windward which gradually' 
 excited astonishment. At first view, it ap- 
 peared like a small rock ; but, knowing that 
 there was no rock in that situation, 1 fixed 
 mj' eyes closely upon it ; then I saw it elevated 
 considerably above the level of the sea, and, 
 after a slow movement, distinctly perceived 
 one of its eyes. Alarmed at the unusual ap- 
 pearance and magnitude of the animal, I 
 steered so as to be at no great distance from 
 the shore. When nearly in a line between it 
 and ^e shore, the monster, directing its 
 head, which still continued above water, to- 
 wards us, plunged violently under water. 
 Certain that he was in chase of us, we plied 
 hard to get ashore. Just as we lea{>t out on 
 a rock, and had talvew a station as high as 
 we conveniently could, we saw it coming ra- 
 pidly under water towards the stern of our 
 boat. When within a few yards of it, find- 
 ing the water shallow, it raised its monstrous 
 head above water, and, by a winding course, 
 got, with apparent difficulty, clear of the 
 creek where our boat lay, and where the 
 monster seemed in danger of being embayed. 
 It continued to move oil with its head above 
 water, and with the wind, for about half a 
 mile, before we lost sight of it. Its head was 
 somewhat broad, and of somewhat oval 
 form; its neck somewhat smaller ; its shoul- 
 ders, if I can so term them, considerably 
 broader, and thence it tapered towards the 
 tall, which last it kept pretty low in the wa- 
 ter, so that a view could not be taken of it so 
 distinctly as 1 wished. It had no fins that 
 I could perceive, and seemed to me to move 
 progressivelv by undulation up and do\\T]. 
 Its length 1 believe to be between seventy 
 and eighty fi:et. "Wben nearest to me it did 
 not raise its head wholly above water, so that 
 the neck being under water, I could perceive 
 no shining filaments thereon, if it had any. 
 Its progressive motion under water I took to 
 be very rapid. About the time I saw it, it 
 was seen near the Isle of Canna. The crews 
 of thirteen fishing-boats were so much ter- 
 rified at its appearance that thej^ in a body 
 fled from it to the nearest creek for safety. 
 On the passage from Rum to Canna, the crew 
 of one boat saw it coming towai'ds them wth 
 the wind, and its head high above water. 
 One of the crew pronounced the head as 
 large as a little boat, and its eye as large as a 
 plate. The men were much terrified, but 
 the moBster ofTered them no molestation." 
 Mr. M'Clean saw this in June, 1808, and it is 
 remarkable tjiat the celebrated Orkney ani- 
 Bud of the " Wemerian Transactions," gene- 
 
 rally corresponding with the foregoing ac- 
 count, w*s cast ashore dead on Stronsa in 
 October of the same year. This is the second 
 instance of the supposed actual animal hav- 
 ing been found. 
 
 THE SKA-SEKPENT OFF THE AMBRIC.UI 
 COAST. 
 
 Among the American instances of the Sea- 
 Sevpent being seen, we have the report pub- 
 lished by the Linnaean Society of New Eng- 
 land, from which welearn that the ^^ea- Serpent 
 was seen several times during the month 
 of August, 1817, by many persons ofF the 
 harbour of Gloucester, thirty miles from 
 Boston ; and their affidavits were carefully 
 collected by the Society, through General 
 Humplireys, who transmitted them to the 
 late Sir Joseph Banks; one of the eye- 
 witnesses and deponents being a member of 
 the committee of the Linncean Society, and 
 another a clei-gyman. The result of this tes- 
 timony is, that the animsl was of great 
 length, estimates varying from 80 to 120 
 feet, of serpentiform shape, moving through 
 the water with great rapidity, distlaying the 
 characteristic protuberances on the surface, 
 the head comparatively small, resembling a 
 horse's, and the colour dark. One of the 
 deponents fired a ball at it, at the distance of 
 only 30 feet. Neither mane, gills, fin!<, nw 
 blow-holes are mentioned. It was seen only 
 in calm, settled weather. 
 
 In August, 1819, the same creature, or one 
 of its species, was seen olF Nahant, Boston, 
 during four weeks, by numeroas persons; 
 the folds or protuberances were again re- 
 marked ; also, the frequent elevation of the 
 head out of the water. The e^-c was noted 
 as remarkably brilliant and glistening; the 
 motion of the body undulalorj', niuiking 
 curves perpendicular to the surface, and 
 giving the appearance of a long moving 
 string of corks : the water was smooth, and 
 WL'ather calm and serene. Another notice 
 appears, in 1833, of the Sea-Serpent ha^-ing 
 been seen in that year, also off Nahant. by 
 forty or fiftj' persons at a time. 
 
 The last instance we have met with of its .ip • 
 pearance on the American coast, is contained 
 in Silliraan's Journal of Science for 1 835. It is 
 to the effect that the captain and crew of an 
 American brig, on her passage from Boston to 
 New Orleans, in March or April of that year, 
 when nine or ten miles off Race Point light- 
 house, distinctly saw the Sea-Serpent, near 
 enough to be visible to the naked eye. The 
 creature raised its head (the size of a barrel) 
 seven or eight feet above the surface, and had 
 the appearance of a mane on its neck ; it was 
 very long ; its motion in the water resembled 
 that of a snake ; and ever}' time it put its 
 head out of the water, it made a noise similar 
 to the blowing off of steam. One of the 
 crew had seen the animal which appeared *ff 
 Nahant two years before, and declared this to 
 be the samje. 
 
 jt 2
 
 164 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 ORIGIN OF REFIiECriNG LIGHTHOUSES. 
 
 In the last century, at a meeting of a society 
 of mathematicians at Liverpool, one of the 
 members proposed to lay a wager, that he 
 would read a paragraph of a newspaper, at 
 ten j'ards' distance, with the light of a 
 farthing candle. The wager was laid, and 
 the proposer, having covered the inside of a 
 wooden dish with pieces of looking-glass, 
 fastened in with glazier's jutty, placed his 
 reflector behind the candle, and won his 
 wager. One of the company marked this 
 experiment with a philosophic eye. This 
 was Captain Hutchinson, the dockmaster, 
 with whom originated the first reflecting 
 lighthouse, erected at Liverpool in 1763. 
 
 CHARLES Phillips's sketch of curran. 
 Mr. Charles Phillips, in his "Life of 
 Curran," gives the following characteristic 
 account of a visit to his friend : — " I caught 
 the first glimpse of the little man through 
 the vista of his garden. There he was — on a 
 third time afterwards I saw him in a dress 
 which you would imagine he had borrowed 
 from his tipstaff"; his hands in his sides; his 
 under lip protruded ; his fiice almost parallel 
 with the horizon — and the important step, 
 and the eternal attitude only varied by the 
 pause during which his eye glanced from his 
 guest to his watch, and from his watch re- 
 proachfully to his dining-room. It was an 
 invariable peculiarity — one second after four 
 o'clock, and he would not wait for the 
 Viceroy. The moment he perceived me he 
 took me by the hand ; said he would not 
 have any one introduce me ; and, with a 
 manner which I often thought was charmed, 
 at once banished every apprehension, and 
 completely familiarised me at the Priory. I 
 had often seen Curran — often heard him — 
 often read him ; but no man ever knew any- 
 thing about him who did not see him at his 
 own table, with the few whom he selected. 
 He was a little convivial deity ; he soared in 
 every region, and was at home in all — he 
 touched everything, and seemed as if he 
 had created it; he mastered the human 
 heart with the same ease that he did his 
 violin. You wept and you laughed and you 
 wondered ; and the wonderful creature who 
 made j-ou do all at will, never let it appear 
 that he was more than your equal, and was 
 quite willing, if you chose, to become your 
 auditor. It is said of Swift that his rule was 
 to allow a minute's pause after he had con- 
 cluded, and then, if no person took up the con- 
 versation, to recommence himself. Curran had 
 no conversational rule whatever : he spoke 
 fi"om impulse, and he had tbe art so to draw 
 you into a participation, that, though 3'ou 
 felt an inferiority, it was quite a contented 
 one. Indted, nothing could exceed the ur- 
 banity of his demeanour. At the time I 
 spoke of he was turned sixty, yet he was as 
 playful as a child. The extremes of youth 
 and age were met in him : he had the ex- 
 perience of the one, and the simplicity of the 
 other." 
 
 LORD LOUGHBOROUGH AHD GEORGE in. 
 
 After Lord Loughborough was made an 
 Earl, with the title of Rosslyn, and thus laid 
 on the shelf, as a last move, he retired to a 
 villa remarkable for its want of all beauty and 
 all comforts, but recommended by its near 
 neighbourhood to Windsor Castle, where the 
 former Chancellor was seen dancing a ridi- 
 culous attendance upon Royalty, unnoticed by 
 the object of his suit, and marked only by 
 the jeering and motley crowd that frequented 
 the terrace. For three years he livei in this 
 state of public neglect, without the virtue to 
 employ his remaining faculties in his country's 
 service, by parliamentary attendance, or the 
 manliness to use them for his own protection 
 and aggrandisement. When he died, after a 
 few hours' illness, the intelligence was brought 
 to the King, who, with a circumspection 
 abundantly characteristic, asked the bearer 
 of it if he was quite sure of the fact, as Lord 
 Kosslj'n had not been ailing before ; and, upon 
 being assured that a sudden attack of gout 
 in the stomach had really ended the days of 
 his late servant and once assiduous courtier, 
 his Majesty was graciously pleased to ex- 
 claim, " Then he has not left a worse man 
 behind him." 
 
 ■^v^T OF SIR WM. SCOTT (lord stowell). 
 When some sudden and somewhat violent 
 changes of opinion were imputed to a learned 
 Ju'ge, who was always jocosely termed Mrs. 
 
 • , " Varium et mutabile semper femina," 
 
 was Sir William Scott's remark. A celebrated 
 physician having said, somewhat more flip- 
 pantly than beseemed the gravity of his cloth, 
 " Oh, j-ou know. Sir William, after forty, a 
 man is alwa3'S either a fool or a physici;in !" 
 " Mayn't he be both, Doctor?" was the arch 
 rejoinder — with a most arch leer, and an in- 
 sinuating voice half drawled out. " A vicar 
 was once," said his Lordship, " presiding at 
 the dinner of the Admiralty Sessions, so 
 wearied out with his parish clerk confining 
 him-elf to the 100th Psalm, that he remon- 
 strated, and insisted upon a variety, which 
 the man promised; but, old habit proving 
 too strong for him, the old words were, as 
 usual, given out next Sunday — ' AU people 
 that on earth do dwell.' Upon this the vicar's 
 temper could hold out no longer, and, jutting 
 his head over the desk, he cried, ' Damn all 
 people that on earth do dwell !' — a very com- 
 pendious form of anethema," added the 
 learned chief of the Spiritual Court. As 
 Sir William Scott could imagine nothing 
 better than the existing state of any given 
 thing, he could see only peril and hazard 
 in the search for an3-thing new; and ^\\t\^ 
 him it was quite enough to characterise a 
 measure as " a mere noveltj'," to deter him 
 at once from entertaining it — a phrase of 
 which Mr. Speaker Abbot, with some humour^ 
 once took advantage to say, when asked by 
 his friend what that mass of papers might be, 
 pointing to the huge bundle of the acts of a 
 single session, " Mere novelties. Sir William 
 — mere novelties."
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 165 
 
 INGKSIOUS DEFEN'CE. 
 
 At a celebrated watering-place, a man was 
 fined five shillings and costa (or being found 
 in a state of inebriation ; when he made an 
 elaborate appeal to their worships (the 
 Bench) in mitigation of damages, founded 
 upon the extreme hardship he had undergone 
 in being fined four several times /or tiie same 
 offence! 
 
 BOYAL WIG. 
 
 Mr. P., a gentleman of Berkshire, and 
 M.P. for Reading, once dammed the Koyal 
 wig in the very presence of George 111.; 
 with great credit, however, to his own 
 loyalty, and very much to the amusement of 
 the King. The King was out a-hunting; 
 
 P was in, and of, the field ; the King's 
 
 horse fell ; the King was thrown from the 
 saddle, and his hat and wig were thrown to 
 a little distance from him ; he got on his 
 feet again immediately, and began to look 
 about for the hat and wig, which he did not 
 
 readily see, being short-sighted. P , 
 
 very much alarmed by the accident, rides up 
 in great haste and arrives at the moment 
 when the King is peering about and saying 
 to the attendants, " Where's my wig ? 
 
 Where's my wig ? '' P cries out, " D — n 
 
 your wig ! is your Majesty safe ? " 
 
 PALEY'S SER3IOXS. 
 
 Paley preached a sermon at Lincoln for the 
 benefit of a charity school. In the course of 
 this sermon he related, in familiar but suffi- 
 ciently dignified language, a story of a man 
 who, giving evidence on a trial respecting 
 some prescriptive right claimed by the trus- 
 tees of the charity, was browbeaten by the 
 questioning counsel: — "I suppose the fact to 
 which you swear happened vhen j^ou were 
 a charity boy, and used to go to school 
 there ? " The w itness calmh" replied, " I was 
 a charity-boy ; and all the good th:it has be- 
 fallen me in life has arisen from the educa- 
 tion I receivei at that school." Paley drew 
 hence an argument in favour of the institu- 
 tion for which he pleaded. The whole dis- 
 course pleased his auditors, and a deputation 
 waited on him to request he would print it. 
 " Gentlemen, I thank you for the compliment ; 
 but I must give the same answer that I have 
 given on other like occasions ; and that an- 
 swer is — The tap is out." " The Archbishop 
 of York," said he, speaking of a late primate, 
 "preached one day at Carlisle; I wa« piesent, 
 and felt muzzy and half asleep ; when on a 
 sudden I was roused, and began to prick up 
 my ears ; and what should I hear but a whole 
 page of one of my own books quoted word 
 for word; and this without the least acknow- 
 ledgement, though it was a 'white bear;' a 
 passage that is often quoted and well known." 
 " Now," said Dr. Milner, Dean of Carlisle, 
 who related the anecdote, " guess what in- 
 ference Paley drew from this plagiarism. No ; 
 if that court were full of people, not one of 
 them would be able to guess : it was this — ' I 
 suppose the archbishop's wile makes his 
 grace's sermons for him.' " 
 
 LEARNING FRENCH. 
 
 When Brummell was obliged, " by money, 
 debt, and all that, ' to retire to France, he 
 knew no French; and, having obtained a 
 grammar for the purpose of study, Scrope 
 Davies was asked, what progress the beau 
 had made in French : he replied that 
 "Brummell had been stopped, like Bona- 
 parte in Bu.ssia, by tlie elements." 
 
 franklin's GRA^^:. 
 Capt. Basil Hall, in his " Travels in Noi-th 
 America," says: — "On the r2th of December 
 we made a pilgrimage to the tomb of 
 Franklin — dear old Franklin I It consists of 
 a large marble slab, laid flat on the ground, 
 with nothing carved upon it but these 
 woids : — 
 
 ^^^"•^^^"^1fr.4nklin 
 ^"'^ ( 1790. 
 
 DEBORAH J 
 
 Franklin, it will be recollected, wrote a 
 humourous epitaph for himself; but his good 
 taste and good sense showed him how un- 
 suitable to his living character it would have 
 been to jest in such a place. After all, his 
 literaiy works, scientific fame, and his un- 
 doubted patriotism form his best epitaph. 
 Still it nia}' be thought, he might have been 
 distinguished in his own land by a more 
 honourable resting place than the obscure 
 corner of an obscure burj-ing-ground, where 
 his bones lie indiscriminately along with 
 those of ordinary mortals; and his tomb, 
 already well nigh hid in the rubbish, may 
 soon be altogether lost. One little circum- 
 stance, however, about this spot is very 
 striking. No regular path has been made to 
 the grave, which lies considerably out of the 
 road ; but the frequent tread of visitors 
 having pressed down the rank grass which 
 grows in such places, the way to the tomb- 
 stone is readily found without any guide."' 
 
 ERRORS OF THE PRESS, BY A EEPORTER. 
 
 I once had occasion to report, that a cer- 
 tain " noble Lord was confined to his house 
 with a violent cold. Next morning, I found 
 his Lordship represented to be '' confined with 
 a. violent scold!" In the same way, on the 
 occasion of a recent entertainment, I had said 
 " that the first point of attraction and admi- 
 ration were her Ladyships looks;'' this com- 
 ' pliment was transferred by the printer to her 
 " Ladyship's cooks ! " Wy praises of the " In- 
 fant Lyra " were converted to a panegyric 
 on the " infant lyar." In an account of Ge- 
 neral Saldanha's conduct at Oiwrto, I observed 
 ' that he " behaved like a hero," while the 
 ] printer made it appear that he " behaved like 
 j a hare." " We," says the John Bull, " often 
 I suSer in this way. About two rears since, we 
 j represented Mr. Peel as having joined a 
 ' party ot fiends in Hampshire for the purpose 
 ' of shooting peasants ; and only last week, in 
 a Scotch paper, we saw it gravely stated that 
 a surgeon was taken alive in the river, and 
 sold to the inhabitants at Gd. and lOd. per 
 pound."
 
 166 
 
 KAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOIC 
 
 NELSON AND BECKFORD. 
 
 Lord Nelson wafi on a visit at Mr. Beck- 
 lord's, in Grosvenor-sqnare, at a time of 
 general scarcity, when persons in every rank 
 of life denied themselves the use of that 
 necessary article of food, bread, at dinner, 
 and -were content, for the sake of example, 
 with such vegetables as the season aiforded. 
 Lord Nelson, however, contrary to the es- 
 tablished etiquette of the dinner-table, 
 called for bread, and was respectfully in- 
 formed by one of the servants in waiting, 
 that, in consequence of the scarcity of whtat, 
 bread was wholly dispensed with at the 
 dinner-table of Mr. Beckford. Nelson looked 
 angry ; and, desiring his own attendant 
 to be called, he drew forth a shilling from 
 his pocket, and commanded him to go 
 out and purchase him a loaf; observing, 
 that, after having fought for his bread, he 
 thought it hard that his countrymen should 
 deny it to him. 
 
 HEAD WAGER. 
 
 The following is a story from a MS., copied 
 by Guillard, in his life of Francis I. : — 
 Duprat said in one of the conversations with 
 the Emperor's minister, that he would con- 
 sent to lose his head if his sovereign had 
 aided Robert de la Mark against Charles. 
 The Spanish Chancellor claimed Duprat's 
 head as forfeited^for he said he had in his 
 possession letters which proved Francis's con- 
 nivance with Robert de la Mark. " My head 
 is my own yet," replied Duprat, " for I 
 have the originals of the letters you allude 
 to, and they in no manner justify the scorn 
 you would put upon them." " If I had won 
 your head," replied the Imperial Chancellor, 
 "you might keep it still. I pi'otest I would 
 rather have a pig's head, for that would be 
 more eatable." 
 
 A PUNSTER. 
 
 Doctor Barton was a punster. He said, 
 " The fellows of my college wished to have an 
 organ in the chapel, but I put a stop to it." 
 Whether for the sake of the pun, or because 
 he disliked music, is uncertain. 
 
 He invited, for the love of punning, Mr. 
 Crowe and Mr. Rooke to dine witii him ; and 
 having given Mr. Birdmore, another guest, a 
 hint to be rather after the time, on his ap- 
 pearing, said, " Mr. Rooke ! Mr. Crowe ! I 
 beg leave to introduce one £ird more ! " 
 
 He married his niece to a gentleman of the 
 hopeful name of Buckle. The enterprise 
 succeeded beyond his expectation. Mrs. 
 Buckle was delivered of twins. " A pair of 
 BuL-kles!" " Boys or girls ?" said a congra- 
 tulating friend: the answer may be sup- 
 posed. 
 
 To him, though it has been attributed to 
 others, belongs the glory or the shame of 
 having said to one, who, having re-established 
 his health by a diet of milk and eggs, took a 
 wife : •' So, you have been egge.d on to ma- 
 trimony. I hope the yo^e will sit easy on 
 vuu.'' 
 
 BULL, AND MO BULL. 
 
 "I was going," said an Irishman, "over 
 Westminster- bridge, the other day, and I 
 met Pat Hewins. * Hewins,' said I, ' how 
 are youT 'Pretty well," says he, 'thank 
 you, Donnelly.' ' Donnelly I' says I, ' thafa 
 not my name.' ' Faith, no more is mine 
 Hewins,' says he. So we looked at each other 
 again, and sure it turned out to be neither of 
 us — and where'a the bull of that, now ?" 
 
 HOOK ANSWERED. 
 
 Theodore Hook, in passing along Coventry- 
 street, one night, where a sewer was being 
 repaired, looked down into the cavity, calling 
 out to the workmen, " What are you about? 
 What are you looking for?" The men at 
 the bottom being much engaged, and not 
 caring to answer Hook's repeated calls, re- 
 plied, " We are lookmg for a seven-shilling 
 piece, which, perhaps, you want more than 
 we do," to the no small amusement of the 
 by-standers. 
 
 A COMPARISON. 
 
 Lord Brougham now and then relapses into 
 a Bar recollection. The following is his best, 
 and, as such, is his most frequent story. It is 
 a happy instance of the elucidation of facts in 
 court : — 
 
 During the assizes, in a case of assault and 
 batteiy, where a stone had been thrown by 
 the defendant, the following clear and con- 
 clusive evidence was drawn out of a York- 
 shireman : — 
 
 " Did you see the defendant throw the 
 stone?" " I saw a stone, and I'ze pretty 
 sure the defendant throwed it." 
 
 " Was it a large stone ?" " I should say 
 it wur a largeish stone." 
 
 " What was its size?" " I should say a 
 sizeable stone." 
 
 " Can't you answer definitely how big it 
 was ?" " 1 should say it wur a stone of some 
 bigness?" 
 
 " Can't you give the jury some idea of 
 the stone ?'' " Why, as near as I recollect, 
 it wur something < f a stone." 
 
 " Can't you compiii-e it to some other 
 object ?" " Wh}^ if I wur to compare it, so 
 as to give some notion of the stone, I should 
 say it wur as large as a lump of chalk !" 
 
 DR. WILLIAMS AND THE HORSE-EYE WATER. 
 
 The Louisellle Jotimul tells lis a good 
 story of Dr. Williams's practice in Cincin- 
 nati. The oculist, according to that paper, 
 has two bottles of eye-water, the ©ue to 
 make human, and the other to make horse, 
 eyes. It happened that, while in Cincinnati, 
 application was made to the oculist by a man 
 with one eye, who had a horse in the same 
 condition. As he desired a cure tbr both, the 
 doctor took his two bottles with liim, but, 
 unfortunately, through some strange mistake, 
 changed them. The consequence was, that 
 a horse-eye soon made its appearance in th<! 
 man's head, nnd a hunKui eye in the horse's. 
 The whole town became so exasperated, that 
 the doctor had to leave forthwith. 
 
 /r.
 
 KAIL WAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 167 
 
 lAUl.Y FROFLTGAcr. 
 
 Sir Bovle Uoche, the blunderer, rose one 
 day in the Irish House of Commons, and 
 said, with a more serious and grave air than 
 usual : " Mr. Speaker, the profligacy of the 
 timea is such, Mr. Speaker, that little chil- 
 dren, who can neither walk nor talk, may be 
 seen running about the streets cursing their 
 Maker." 
 
 SAFE 5IINISTRT. 
 
 Mr. Windham made a capital simile on 
 the state of the Ministry, soon after the 
 Wliigs had seen Pcrcival fixed in power by 
 the Prince Kegent :— " We waste powder and 
 shot upon them," said he; "they are like 
 \nld-fowI ill a lake: we may knock them 
 (town fast enough, but the difliculty is to get 
 them out." 
 
 ADDISONIAK.\. 
 
 Ma-. Tyers, in "A Historical Essay on 
 Mr. Addison," printed, but not published, has 
 nrtrttioned some facts concerning liim, with 
 wkich we were not before acquainted. These 
 are, that he was laid out for dead as goon as 
 he was born ; that when he addressed his 
 verses on tlie £n^li.4i poets to Henry Sache- 
 verel, ha courted that gentleman's sister; 
 that whenever Jacob Tonson came to him 
 for tbe "Spectator" "Bayle's French His- 
 torical and Critical Dictionary " lay always 
 open before him; that upon his return to 
 England, after his travels, he discharged 
 some old debts he had contracted at Oxford, 
 with the generosity of good interest ; that 
 he was pat into plentiful circumstances by 
 the death of a brother in the East Indies; 
 that having received encouragement from a 
 married lad}% of whom he had been formerly 
 enamoured, be had the integrity to resist the 
 temptation ; that he refused a gratification 
 of a three Imudred po\mds bank-note, and 
 afterwards of a diamond ring of the same 
 value, from a Major Dunbar, whom he had 
 endeavoured to serve in Ireland by his in- 
 t4re.st with Lord Sunderland ; and that his 
 daughter by I-ady Warwick died unmarried, 
 residing at Bilti.n, near Rugby, and possess- 
 ing an income of more than twelve hundred 
 a year. 
 
 'Addison and Mr. Temple Stanyan were 
 very intimate. In the familiar conversationB 
 Which passed between iheni. they were ac- 
 customed freely to dispute each other's 
 opinions. Upon some occasion Mr. Addison 
 IcKt Mr. StanTsn f.ve hundred pounds. After 
 this Air. Stanyan b>diaved witli a timid re- 
 serve, deference, and respect ; not conversing 
 with the same freedom as formerly, or ca»- 
 vas^ng his friend's sentiment.*. This gave 
 great uneasiness to Mr. Addison. One day 
 they happened to fall upim a subject on 
 which Mr. Stanyan had always been used 
 strenuously to oppose his opinion. But even 
 upon this occasion he gave way to what his 
 friend advanced, without interposing his 
 o«n viiw of the matter. This hurt Mr. 
 Addistm so much, that he sail to Mr. Stan- 
 yan, "Either contradict me or pay me the 
 monev." 
 
 A SETTLKft. 
 
 Lord Norbury was one day interrupted in 
 his charge to the jury by the loud braying of 
 a donkey in the street of the assize town. 
 " What's' that ? " asked his Lordship. Mr. 
 Parsons (with whom his l^ordship had just 
 had a fiery flare-up) rose, and gravely 
 assured him that it was merely " thi echo of 
 the Court." 
 
 WITCHCRAFT. 
 
 There is a record in the parish register of 
 Tannadice, near Forfar, of the closing of the 
 churcli on a certain Sunday, because the mi- 
 nister had to go elsewhere to superintend 
 the burning of a witch. 
 
 AOQlTAmTAUOE. 
 
 Never say " H<yw is your wife, your hus- 
 band, your mother, your grandmother ?" iS;c. ; 
 
 but '• How is Mr. or Mrs. , Lord or Lady 
 
 ?" Tko of the strangest offenders 
 
 against this rale were Nollekens tbe sculp- 
 tor, and Delpini the clown. Nollekens, in- 
 variably asked Geoi^e III., when a sitting 
 commenced, how bis " wife and family" 
 were doing ? and Delpini thus addressed 
 the late Duke of York, in tbe hope of in- 
 ducing him to iiiterceile with Sheridan for 
 the payment of his salary :— " Sare, if he no 
 pnv me soon, I shall be put in your papa's 
 Be'nch," meaning the King's Bench Prison. 
 It was Delpini, by the waj', who, during the 
 Gordon riots, when people, to proteci them- 
 selves against the mob, chalked "No Pcpery" 
 on their doors, by way of greater security, 
 chalked "No Religion " upon his. 
 
 AST«OtNClKG X.\ME3. 
 
 Have your name clearly announced, and 
 it will be prudent to take care that the Str- 
 vants make no mistake regarding it. The 
 mishap that, as we read, befell a certain Mr- 
 Delafletc, in London, may .serve to illnstratb 
 the consequence of want of caution in this 
 respect. From the indistinct moile of pro- 
 nouncing hi* name, the porter understood it 
 to be JJeliiflote, and so protlaimed it to the 
 grooiri of the ch.mibers, who, somehow or 
 other, mistook the initial letter of the name, 
 and tl.e luckless visitor, a quiet, shy, re- 
 served young man, wasactu.tliy usherc-d into 
 the midst of a crowded drawiiigronm by the 
 ominovis appellation of Mr. Hdajiole. On 
 the other hand, do not be too preci«e in 
 your instiuotions, or you may be- placed in 
 the pix'dicament of L^dy \. and her daugh- 
 ter, who baring been nuR'h annoyed by tha 
 f/auclicriex of a country bonby of a S' rvam, 
 who would persevere in giving in their names 
 as the Uif.ht Honourable Ludy A. and the 
 Honour&ble Miss A., at length took him se- 
 riously to task, and desired that in future he 
 would mention them as simple Lady A. and 
 plain Miss -V. Their astonishment nmy be 
 conceived when they Amnd themselves 
 obeyed to the lett«^r — a"tid Devonshire House 
 was" electrilicd by the intelligence that 
 Simple Lady A, and Plain Nifs A. were 
 " coming up."
 
 168 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 HINT TAKEN. 
 
 Voltaire, after being on terms of friendship 
 with the King of Prussia, owing to his wit, 
 g^ave some offence; when the King said to 
 some of his courtiers — " When we squeeze 
 the orange aiid have suciicd the juice, we 
 throw the rest away." " Then," said Vol- 
 taire, " / must take cure of the peel," and quit- 
 ted his Prussian Majesty's dominions 
 
 POLITENESS OF GEORGE IV. 
 
 y It is related of George IV., when Prince 
 of Wales, that he was once observed to bow 
 to every one in the street who saluted him, 
 till he came to the man who swept the cross- 
 ing, whom he passed without notice. The 
 question, whether he was right in making 
 this exception, has been gravely discussed, 
 and decided in the Prince's favour : — " To sa- 
 lute a beggar without giving him anything, 
 would be a mockery, and to stop for the 
 purpose of bestowing a sixpence would wear 
 the semblance of ostentation in a prince." 
 
 BEWICK, THE ENGRAVER. 
 
 The Duke of Northumberland, when first 
 he called to see Mr. Bewick's workshops at 
 Newcastle, was not personally known to the 
 engraver; yet he showed him his biids, 
 blocks, and drawings, as he did to all, with 
 the greatest liberalit}' and cheerfulness ; but, 
 on discovering the high rank of his visitor, 
 exclaimed, " I beg pardon, my Lord, I did 
 not know your Grace, and was unaware I 
 had the honour of talking to so great a man." 
 To which the Duke good-humouredly replied, 
 " You are a much greater man than 1 am, 
 Mr, Bewick." To thid Bewick, with his 
 ready wit that never failed or offendtd, re- 
 turned, "No, my Lord ; but were / Duke of 
 Northumberland, perhaps I could be." 
 
 STEAM-BOAT RACING. 
 
 Sir Charles Lyell, when in the United 
 States, received the following advice from 
 a friend : — '• When you are racing with an 
 Bpposition steam-boat, or chasing her, and the 
 Other passengers are cheering the captain, 
 who is sitting on th« safety-valve to keep it 
 down with his weight, go as far as you can 
 from the engine, and lose no time, especially 
 if you hear the captain exclaim ' Fire up, 
 bo3-s; put on the resiul' Should a servant 
 call out, ' Those gentlemen who have not 
 paid their passage will please to go to the 
 ladies' cabin, obey tbe summons without a 
 moment's delay, for then an explosion may 
 be apprehended.' ' Wliy to the ladits' cabin,' 
 said I. 'Because it is the safe end of the 
 boat, and thej* are getting anxious for the 
 personal security of those who have not j'et 
 paid their dollars, being, of course, indifferent 
 about the rest. Therefore never pay in 
 advance ; for should you fall overboard during 
 a race, and tlie watch cries out to the captain, 
 ' A passenger overboard,' he will ask, ' Has 
 he paid his passage?' and if he receives an 
 answer in the affirmative, he will call out 
 ' Go ahead.' " 
 
 CAUSE AND EFFECT 
 
 A Siamese chief, hearing an Englishman 
 expatiate upon the magnitude of our navy, 
 and afterwards say that England was at peace, 
 coolly observed, " If j'ou are at peace with all 
 the world, why do you keep up so great a 
 navy ? " The very fact of the greatness of 
 the navy maintains peace. 
 
 RIDING. 
 
 A man about town, who, from his tall 
 stature, obtained the soubriquet of " Long," 
 complained to Scrope Davies, tbat, in riding, 
 he had a stitch in his side. " I don't wonder 
 at it," said Scrope, "for you ride like a 
 tailor." 
 
 WHIST. 
 
 Dr. George Home having engaged in a 
 party at whist, merelj' because he was wanted 
 to make up the number, and playing in- 
 differently iU, as he forewarned his partner 
 would be the case, he replied to the angry 
 question, " What reason could j'ou possibly 
 have for playing that card?" "None upon 
 earth, I assure you.' 
 
 BURKE's VISIT TO BEDLAM. 
 
 While Burke was making preparations for 
 the indictment before the House of Lords of 
 Warren Hastings, Govemor-iieneral of India, 
 he was told that a person who had long re- 
 sided in the East Indies, but who was then 
 an inmate of Bedlam, could supply him with 
 much useful information. Burke went ac- 
 cordingly to Bedlam, was taken to the cell 
 of the maniac, and received from him, in a 
 long, rational, and well-conducted conversa- 
 I tion, the results of much and various know- 
 ledge and experience in Indian affairs, and 
 much instruction for the process then in- 
 tended. On leaving the cell, Burke told the 
 keeper who attended him that the poor man 
 whom he had just visited was most iniqui- 
 tously practised upon ; for that he was as 
 much in his senses as man could be. The 
 keeper assured him that there was sufficient 
 warranty and very good cause for his con- 
 finement. Burke, wiih wh't a man in office 
 once called "Irish impetuosity," known to be 
 one ot Burke's char;icteristics, insisted that 
 it was an infamous affair, threatened to make 
 the affair public,or even briiigit before Parlia- 
 ment. The keeper then said, "Sir, I should 
 be sorry for you to leave this house under a 
 false impression : before you do so, be pleased 
 to step back to the poor gentleman's cell, 
 and ask him what he had for breakfast." 
 Burke could not refuse compliance with a 
 request so reasonable and easily performed. 
 "Pray, sir,"sdd he to his Indian counsellor, 
 " be so obliging as to tell me what you had for 
 breakfast." The other, immediately putting 
 on the wild stare of the maniac, cried out, 
 " Hobnails, sir ! It is shameful to thiak how 
 they treat us! They give us nothing but 
 hobnails !" and went on with a " descant 
 wild" on the horrors of the cookery of Beth- 
 lehem Hospital. Burke staid no longer than 
 that his departure might not seem abrupt
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 169 
 
 EOYAL KE61DENCES. 
 
 Carlton House, the residence of the Prince 
 of Wales, afterwards George the Fourth, was 
 distinguished by a row of pillars in front ; 
 and York House, Whitehall, the residence of 
 his brother, by a circular court, ser^'ing as a 
 kind of entrance-hall, which still remains, and 
 may be seen from the street. These two build- 
 ings being described to Lord North, who was 
 blind in the latter part of his lie, he face- 
 tiously remarked : " Then the Duke of York, 
 it should seem, has been sent to the Round 
 House, and the Prince of \\^ales put in the 
 Pillory." 
 
 PROMISING TOAST. 
 
 Marylebone Gardens and bowling-green, 
 in the last centurj% were frequented by the 
 high rank and fashion of the town. Lady 
 Mary Wortiej' Montague alludes to the fond- 
 ness of Sheffield, Duke of Buckingham, for 
 this place : — 
 
 " Some Dukes at Marybone bowl time away." 
 
 Here, at the end of the season, as Quin told 
 Pennant, the Duke gave a dinner to the chief 
 frequenters of the place, drinking the toast 
 which he thought appropriate, " May as 
 many of us as remain unchanged next spring 
 meet here again." 
 
 federoff's steam-engine. 
 
 Michael Vassily Fcderoff, a young man 
 twenty-five years of age, and a native of 
 Selst( , a village in the circle of Ladoga, 
 arrived in July, 18.37, at St. Pi;tersburgh, in 
 a steam-boat of his ov.n constru^'tion — "re- 
 lying," as he himself expressed it, " on that 
 God who hiid enlightened his mind." 
 
 From his earliest j'outh, Federoff, who had 
 never moved out of the village, evinced the 
 most decided love of mechanics. When twe'vo 
 years old, tiis father excited his eager curio- 
 sity by the accounts which he gave him of 
 the .steam-vessels he had seen in St. Peters- 
 burgh ; but he could not obtain any further 
 information than that these vessels were set 
 in motion by means of wheels, which were 
 impelled by a machine somewhat similar to 
 a tea-kettle. The boy instantly recollected 
 that he had seen a kettle in the pri st's house, 
 and ran away to ascertain in what manner 
 the steam made its escape from it. Upon re- 
 turning home he set to work, and converted 
 a ca.^k into a sort of kettle, the steam from 
 which he applied to the turning of the wings 
 of a little wind nill which he had constructed. 
 By minutely observing the various effects of 
 the steam, he advanced step by step in his 
 discoveries, until, haviny; at length contrived 
 to produce a rotarj- motion, he imagined 
 that he had found out the secret of construct- 
 ing a steam-vessel. After the decease of his 
 father, he went to St. Petersburgh for the 
 purpose of prj-ing into the internal mechanism 
 of one of those vessels, but this he was not 
 permitted to do: he returned home, there- 
 fore, without seeing anything beyond their 
 exterior. He succeeded, however, with the 
 aid of a copper-smith in the villafre, in 
 
 making the boiler which impelled his little 
 craft ; it was totally different from any of the 
 boilers now in use, and that not more than 
 one- third of a horse's power. 
 
 ADVICE TO AN AUTHOR. 
 
 A learned doctor having printed two heavy 
 volumes of " Natural History," a friend re- 
 marked to him that his publication was, in 
 several particulars, extremeh- erroneous ; and 
 when the other defended his volume.*, re- 
 plied, " Pray, doctor, are you not a justice of 
 the peace?" "I am, sir," was the reply. 
 " Why, then, sir," added his critic, " I ad- 
 vise you to send your work where you send 
 your vagrants to, that is, to the house of cor- 
 rection." 
 
 MAYORALTY READING. 
 
 Many years ago, before the besom of Cor- 
 poration Reform had swept out the country 
 boroughs, a >iarber of East Retford, Notts, 
 had thrust upon him the greatness of being 
 elected mayor of the place. The schoolmaster 
 was not then abroad, and the tensor was far 
 from being at home in his letters ; the ear- 
 liest official business had well nigh put his 
 worship to the blush. At the first public 
 meeting he was about to read a document in 
 due form, when a friend, standing next to his 
 worship, gently reminded him that he held 
 the paper upside dova\. " Nonsense !" re- 
 plied he, in all the plenitude of corporation 
 assurance, "has not the mayor of East 
 Retford the right to read whichever way he 
 pleases? " 
 
 BLOW Y^OfR NOSE. 
 
 Sir William Chere had a verj- long nose, 
 and was playing at backgammon with old 
 General Brown : during this time. Sir Wil- 
 liam, who was a snuff-taker, was continually 
 using his snuff-box, seldom making the ap- 
 plication necessary to keep pace with his 
 indulgence. Observing him leaning con- 
 tmually over the table, and being at the 
 same time in a very bad humour with the 
 game, the General said, " Sir William, blow 
 your nose." " Blow it yourself, " said Sir 
 WiUiam. " "tis as near you as me !" 
 
 THF. PRICE OF POS-SESSIONS. 
 
 A friend from childhood of Marshal Lefevre, 
 Duke of Dantzic, who had not run so bril- 
 liant a career as himself, came to see him at 
 Paris : the Marshal received him warmly, 
 and lodged him in his hotel, when the friend 
 c(.uld not cease his exclamations upon the 
 richness of the furniture, the beauty of the 
 apartments, and the goodness of the table, 
 always adding, "Oh! how h.ippy are you!" 
 "I see you ,ire envious of what I have," 
 said the Marshal ; " well, you shall have 
 these things at a better bargain than I had : 
 come into the court, I'll fire at you with a 
 gun twenty times, at thirty paces, and, if I 
 
 don't kill you, all shall be your own 
 
 What! yon won't? Very well; recollect, 
 then, that I had been sho't at more than « 
 thousand times, and much nearer, before I 
 arrived where vou find me,"
 
 170 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK 
 
 bunyan's ESCAPBS. 
 Bunyan had some providental escapes dur- 
 ing his early life. Once, he fell into a creek 
 of the sea, once out of a boat into the river 
 Ouse, near Bedford, and each time he was 
 narrowly saved from drowning. One day, an 
 adder crossed his path. He stunned it with 
 a stick, then forced open its mouth with a 
 stick and plucked out the tongue, which he 
 Supposed to be the sting, with his fingers; 
 " by which act," he says, " had not God been 
 merciful unto me, I might, by my desperate- 
 ness, have brought myself' to an end " If 
 this, indeed, were an adder, and not a harm- 
 less snake, his escape from the fangs was more 
 remarkable than he himself was aware of. 
 A circumstance, which was likel}' to impress 
 him more deeply, occurred in the eighteenth 
 year of his age, when, being a soldier in the 
 Parliament's army, he was drawn out to go 
 to the siege of Leiceiter, in 1G45. One of the 
 same company wished to go in his stead ; 
 Bunj-an consented to exchange with him, 
 and this volunteer substitute, standing senti- 
 nel one day at the siege, was shot through 
 the head with a musket-ball. " This risk," 
 Sir Waller Scott observes, " was one some- 
 what resembling the escape of Sir Roger de 
 Coverley, in an action at Worcester, who was 
 saved from the slaughter of that action, by 
 having been absent from the field." — Southey. 
 
 OPERA-HOUSE SPECULATION. 
 
 The historj' of Edward Thomas Delafield, 
 as related in the Covut of Bankruptcj', fur- 
 nishes as beautiful an illustration of the way 
 in which inexperienced young men are 
 ruined in London as any moralist could de- 
 sire. Mr. Delafield resembled Louis Napoleon 
 in one very important particular — he had an 
 imcle. Ihat amiable relative died some 
 twenty years ago, leaving £100,000 to his 
 nephew, then a child. In due time the 
 wealthy minor went to Oxford. Having 
 finished his studies, he embarked his 
 £100,000 in the brewery of Combe, Delafield, 
 and Co., about the latter end of 1845. His 
 income during the two years he was a 
 brewer would have been about £7500 a year, 
 had he been content with what his capital 
 produced, in the shape of interest at 5 per 
 cent., and profits to the extent of £2500 per 
 annum. But this moderate amount was not 
 sufficient for his liberal style of expenditure. 
 The rent of his house in Belgrave-square, 
 including what ha paid for stables, was 
 £1095; and, in good keeping with this, the 
 wear and tear of horses, carriages, and har- 
 ness amounted to £2873. The expenses in 
 Brighten, in 1846, were £973 ; not to speak 
 of keep of horses, wages of coachmen and 
 grooms, £2303 ; apparel of servants and 
 liveries, £1251 ; wages of butler, gardeners, 
 and others, £1364 ; hotel expenses, £834 ; or 
 the somewhat large item of £4368, which 
 was set down in the balance-sheet as " pri- 
 vate expenditkire." But the mere living in 
 this expensive manner would not have swal- 
 lowed up his large forttme quite as fast, had 
 
 he not allowed himself to be drawn into the 
 maelstrom of Opera-house management. 
 While sitting in his private box at the 
 Italian Opera (Covent-Garden), one evening, 
 in the summer of 1^47, Mr. Beale joined 
 him, and, after some conversation about the 
 splendour of the scenery, the beauty of the 
 actresses, and the charms of the dancers, 
 informed him contidentially that the esta- 
 blishment was in difficulties ; Persian! was 
 gone, and money was required to pay the 
 artistes, or the theatre must close. To avert 
 so dire a catastrophe, Mr. Delafield, whose 
 wealth seemed boundless, was asked merely 
 to give a promissory note for £3000. At 
 this time he had no connexion with the 
 Opera-house; but from that hour he was 
 gradually led on to become a partner in the 
 management of its affairs. This took place 
 in August, 1848, nearly a year after he had 
 retired from the brewery, taking all his ca- 
 pital with him. The terms on which he 
 joined the management were, that he was 
 not to incur any liability beyond £15,000 ; 
 but before a year was over, he had lost fotn: 
 times that sum. His partners all contrived 
 to shift the responsibility on his shoulders ; 
 and, as long as he coidd draw upon his 
 bankers, he continued to pay the various 
 artistes, at the following rates : — 
 
 Mesdames Grisi £5156 
 
 „ Alboni 4000 
 
 „ Viardot Garcia ... 4313 
 
 „ Castellan 1728 
 
 „ Persiani 1140 
 
 Signor Mario 4680 
 
 „ Tamburini 2806 
 
 Salvi 2670 
 
 „ Marini 1850 
 
 „ Roger 1910 
 
 And a large number of lesser stars, at 
 salaries varying from £50 to £697 each. 
 During the same year be bought Willow- 
 Bank House from General Conyers for £5000 ; 
 but the mansion, which was good enough for 
 that gentleman, did not satisfy Mr. Delafield, 
 who had it pulled down and rebuilt at a cos> 
 of several thousand pounds. By the end of 
 1848 the young gentleman was completely 
 ruined ; but his credit was not entirely gone. 
 He commenced the operatic season of 1849 by 
 a loan of £2001) from his bankers ; and soon 
 after was obliged to make his escape to the 
 Continent to avoid unpleasant consequences, 
 where he remained for some months. When 
 the fiat of bankruptcy was struck, it appeared 
 that his debts amounted to £33,000, and that 
 the only available assets were — good debts, 
 £3 14s. 6d. I In little more than three j^ears 
 his £100,000 had been swept away, together 
 with £14J64, which he received as interest 
 and profit on his capital while partner in the 
 brewery. A reversionary interest, to the 
 amotmt of £6000, had b?en assigned to Mr. 
 Beale for an old debt of £3000 ; and all that 
 remained for the creditors, to whom he owed 
 £.33,000, was £3 143. 6d.! In addition to 
 this sum, Mr. Beale was ultimately induced 
 to surrender £1000 to them.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK 
 
 173 
 
 SMOLLEIT'S " HUGH STRAP." 
 
 lu the year 1809 was interrcil, in the 
 churchyard of St, Martin's-in-the-Fields, the 
 body of one Hew Hewson, who died at tlie 
 age of 85. He was the original of Hugh 
 Strap, in Smollett'3"Koderlck Random." Up- 
 wards of forty years he kept a hair dresser's 
 ■ihop in St. Martin's parish ; the walls were 
 hung round with Latin quotations, and he 
 would frequently point out to his custometa 
 and acquaintances the several scenes in '• Ro- 
 derick Random " pertaining to himself, which 
 had their origin, not in Smollett's inventive 
 fancy, but in truth and reality. The meet- 
 ing "in a barber's shop at Newcastle-upon- 
 Tyne, the subsequent mistake at the inn, 
 their arrival together in London, and the as- 
 sistance they experienced from Strap's friend, 
 are all facts. The barber left behind an an- 
 notated copy of ''Roderick Random," showing 
 how far we are indebted to the genius of the 
 author, and to what extent the incidents are 
 founded in reality. 
 
 KATHERIN'K HAYEs's MURDER OF HER 
 HUSBAND. 
 
 There are few records in the annals of 
 crime, which exhibit so striking a chain of 
 horrible circumstances, overtaken by " God's 
 revenge against murder," as the case of Kathe- 
 rine Haves, who was executed for the mur- 
 der of her husband in the year 1726. Hayes, 
 who was possessed of some little property, 
 lived with his wife Katherine in Tyburn, 
 now Oxford-road. Mrs. Hayes prevailed 
 upon two men, named Billings (who lodged 
 in the house) and Wood, a friend of Hayes, 
 to assist her in murdering her husband. To 
 facilitate that object. Ha} es was induced to 
 drink the enormuns quantity of seven botths 
 (at that time full quarts) of Mountain wine, 
 besides other intoxicating drinks. After 
 finishii ig the seventh bottle, he fell on the 
 floor, but soon after arose and threw himself 
 on a bed. There, whilst in a state of stupe- 
 faction, he was dispatched by billings and 
 Wood striking him on the head with a 
 hatchet. The murderers then held council 
 as to the best mode of concealing tlieir crime, 
 and it was determined that they should mu- 
 tilate and dispose of the body. They cut off 
 the head, Mrs. Ha}-feS holding a pail to catch 
 the blood ; and she proposed that the head 
 should be boiled till the flesh came from the 
 skull. This advice was rejected on account 
 of the time which the process suggested 
 would occupy, and Billings and Wood car- 
 ried the head in the pail (it was at night) to 
 the Horseferry at Westminster, and there 
 cast it into the Thames. On the following 
 day the murderers separated the limbs irom 
 the body, and wrapping them, together with 
 the trunk, in two blankets, carried them to 
 Marylebone-helds, and placed them in a 
 pond. 
 
 Hayes's head not having been carried 
 away by the tide, as the nmrderers expected 
 it would have been, was found floating at 
 the Horseferry in the morning. The atten- 
 
 tion of the authorities was drawn to the cir- 
 cumstance, and the magistrates being of opi- 
 nion that a murder had been committed, 
 caused the head to be washed and the hair 
 combed out, and then had it placed on a 
 pole and exposed to public view in St. Mar- 
 garet's churchyard, in the hope that it might 
 lead to the discovery of the suspected crime. 
 Great crowds of persons of all ranks flocked 
 to St. Margaret's churchyard to see the head, 
 and amongst the rest a young man named 
 Bennett, who perceiving the likeness to 
 Hayes, whom he knew, immediately went to 
 Mrs. Hayes on the subject; but she assured 
 him that her husband was alive and well, 
 which satisfied him. A journeyman tailor 
 named Patrick, also v.-ent to see the head, 
 and on his return told his fellow-workmen 
 that it was Hayes. These workmen, who 
 also had known Hayes, then went to look a* 
 the head, and felt the same conviction. It 
 happ'jned that Billings worked at the same 
 shop in which these men were employed in 
 Monmouth -street, and when he came to woi k 
 next morning they told him of the circum- 
 stance. Billings, how{ ver, lulled their sus- 
 pi.'ions by declaring that he had left Mr. 
 Hayes at home that morning. After the 
 head had been exhibited for four davs in the 
 churchj-ard, the magistrates caused it to be 
 placed in spirits, in a glass vessel, and in that 
 state it continued to be exposed to public 
 view. Two friends of Hayes, named Ashley 
 and Longmore, who had seen the head with- 
 out imagining that it was his, some time 
 after called on Mrs. Hayes, on separate occa- 
 sions, to inquire for her husband, whose 
 absence begun to be noticed. Ashley and 
 Longmore were mutual friends, and their 
 suspicions being excited by the contradictory 
 statements which Mrs. Hayes had given to 
 them, they went to look again at the head, 
 ^\hen a minute examination satisfied them 
 that it had belonged to Hayes. The appre- 
 hension of the murderers was the result. On 
 the day they were brought up for examir.a- 
 tion, the trunk and limbs of the murdered 
 man vere found. Wood and Billings con- 
 fessed and pleaded guilty. Katherine Hayes 
 put herself on her country, was tried and con- 
 victed. Wood died in prison. Billings was 
 hanged in Marylebone-fields, near the pond 
 in which Hayes's body had been concealed. 
 Katherine Hayes was executed at Tyburn, 
 under circumstances of great honor ; for, in 
 consequence of the fire reaching (he execu- 
 tioner's hands, he left his hold of the rope 
 with which he ought to have strangled the 
 criminal, before he had executed that part 
 of his duty, ai.d the result was, that Kathe- 
 rine Hayes was burnt alive. The wretched 
 woman was seen, in the midst of flumes, 
 pushing the blazing faggots from her, ^\ hilst 
 she yelled in agony. Fresh faggots were 
 piled around her, but a considerable time 
 elapsed before her torments ended. She suf- 
 fered on the 3d of Kovember, 17"26. Thia 
 tragedy forms the subject of a comic ballad, 
 which is attributed to Swift.
 
 171 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 SWIFT .S LOVKS. 
 
 The first of those lailies, whom Swift ro- 
 mantically cliri.'-tened Varina, was a Miss 
 Jane Warj-ni;, to whom he wrote passionate 
 letterss and whom, when ho had succeeded 
 in gaining h*r aft'eclioiis, he deserted, after 
 a sort of seven years' courtship. The next 
 flame of the Dean's was the well-known Miss 
 Esther Johnson, whom he fancifully called 
 Stella. Somehow, he had the address to 
 gain her decided attachment to him, though 
 considerably j'ounger, besi'.tiful in person, 
 accompHshed, and estimable. He dingled 
 upon her, fed her hopes of an union, and at 
 length persuaded her to leave London and 
 reside near him in Ireland. His conduct 
 then wa3 of a piece with the rest of his life : 
 he never saw her alone, never slept under 
 the same roof with her, but allowed her 
 character and reputation to be suspected, in 
 consequence of their intimacy; nor did he 
 attempt to remove such by mamage until a 
 late period of his life, when, to save her from 
 dissolution, he consented to the ceremony, 
 upon condition that it should never be di- 
 vulged ; that she should live as before ; re- 
 tain her own name, &c. ; and this wedding, 
 upon the above being assented to, was 
 performed in a garden! But Swift never 
 acknowledged her till the day of his death. 
 During all this treatment of his Stella, Swift 
 had ingratiated hiniself with a young lady 
 of fortune and fashion in London, whose 
 name was Vanhomrig, and whom he called 
 Vanessa. It is much to be regretted that 
 the heartless tormentor should have been so 
 ardently and passionately beloved, as was 
 the case with the latter lady. Selfish, hard- 
 hearted as was Swift, he seemed but to live 
 in disappointing others. Such was his cold- 
 ness and brutality to Vanessa, that he may 
 be said to have caused her death. 
 
 Ireland's shakspeare forgeries. 
 Mr. Samuel Ireland, originally a silk mer- 
 chant in Spitalfields, was led by his taste for 
 literary antiquities to abandon trade for those 
 pursuits, and published several tours. One 
 of them consisted of an excursion upon the 
 river Avon, during which he explored, with 
 ardent curiosity, every locality associated 
 with Shakspeare. He was accompanied by 
 his son, a youth of sixteen, who imbibed a 
 portion of his fiither's Shakspearean mania. 
 The youth, perceiving the great importance 
 which his parent attached to eveiy relic of 
 the poet, and the eagerness with which he 
 sought for any of his MS. remains, conceived 
 that it would not be difficult to gratify his 
 father by some productions of his own, in the 
 language and manner of Shakspeare's time. 
 The idea possessed his mind for a certain 
 period ; and in 1793, being then in his 
 eighteenth year, he produced some MSS. 
 said to be in the handwriting of Shak- 
 speare, which he said had been given him 
 by a gentleman possessed of many other old 
 papers. The young man, being articled to a 
 solicitor in Chancery, easily fabricated, in 
 
 the first instance, the deed of mortgage from 
 Shaicspeare to Michael Frazer. The ecatacy 
 expressed bj' his father urged him to the 
 fabrication of other documents, described to 
 come from the same quarter. Emboldene(t 
 by success, he ventured upon higher compo- 
 sitions in prose and verse: and at length 
 announced the discovery of an original 
 drama, u.nder the title of " Vortigern," which 
 he exhibited, act by act, written in the period 
 of two months. 'Having provided himself 
 with the paper of the period, (being the fly- 
 leaves of old books,) and with ink prepared 
 by a bookbinder, no suspicion was entertained 
 of the deception. The father, who was a 
 maniac upon such subjects, gave such eclat to 
 the supposed discovery, that the attention of 
 the literary world and all England was 
 drawn to it; insomuch that the son, who 
 had announced other papers, found it im- 
 possible to retreat, and was goaded into 
 the production of the series which Ue had 
 promised. 
 
 The house of Mr. Ireland, in Norfolk- street, 
 Strand, was daily crowded to excess by per- 
 sons of the highest rank, as well as by the 
 most celebrated men of letters. The MSS. 
 being mostly decreed genuine, were consi- 
 dered to be of inestimable worth ; and at one 
 time it was expected that Parliament would 
 give any required sum for them. Some con- 
 ceited amateurs in literature at length 
 sounded an alarm, which was echoed by 
 certain of the newspapers and public jour- 
 nals ; notwithstanding which, Mr. Sheridan 
 agreed to give £600 for permission to play 
 " Vortigern " at Drury-lane Theatre. So 
 crowded a house scarcely was ever seen as on 
 the night of the performance, and a vast 
 number of persons could not obtain admis- 
 sion. The predetermined malcontents began 
 an opposition from the outset: some ill- cast 
 characters converted grave scenes into ridi- 
 cule, and there ensued between the believers 
 and sceptics a contest which endangered the 
 property'. The piece was accordingly with- 
 dra^vn. 
 
 The juvenile author was now so beset for 
 information, that he found it necessary to 
 abscond from his father's house ; and then, 
 to put an end to the wonderful ferment 
 which his ingenuity had created, he pub- 
 lished apamphlet, wherein heconfessed theen- 
 tire fabrication. Besides "Vortigern," young 
 Ireland also produced a play of " Henry 
 II.;" and, although there were in both such 
 incongruities as were not consistent with 
 Shakspeare's age, both dramas coi tain pas- 
 sages of considerable beauty and originality 
 The admissions of the son did not, how- 
 ever, screen the father from obloquy, and the 
 reaction of pubUc opinion affected Ins lortimes 
 and his health. Sir. Ireland was the dupe pf 
 his zeal upon such subjects; and the son 
 never contemplated at the outhet the un- 
 fortunate effect. Such was the enthusiasm 
 of certain admirers of Shakspeare, (among 
 them Drs. Parr and Warton,) that they (ell 
 upon their knees before the MSS. ; aaU, by
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE B<JOK. 
 
 175 
 
 their idolatry, inspired hundreds of others 
 with similar enthusiasm. The young author 
 was filled with astonishment and alarm, 
 which at that stage it was not in his power 
 to check. Sir Richard Phillips, who knew 
 the parties, has thus related the affair ia the 
 " Anecdote Librarj'." 
 
 In the catalogue of Dr. Parr's Library at 
 Hatton, (Bibliotheca farriana,) we find the 
 following attempted explanation by the 
 Doctor : — 
 
 " Ireland's (Samuel) Great and impudent 
 forgery, called Miscellaneous Papers and 
 Legal Instruments, under the hand and seal 
 of William Shakspeare, folio, 1796. 
 
 " I am almost ashamed to insert this worth- 
 less and infamously trickish book. It is said to 
 include the tragedy of " King Lear," and a 
 fragment of 'Hamlet." Irelandtoldaiiewhen 
 he imputed to me the words which Joseph 
 Warton used, the very morning I called on 
 Ireland, and was inclined to admit the possi- 
 bility of genuineness in his papers. In mj' 
 subsequent conversation, I told liim my 
 change of opinion. But I thought it not 
 worth while to dispute in print with a de- 
 tected impostor — S. P." 
 
 Mr. Ireland died about 1802. His son, 
 William Henrj-, long survived him ; but the 
 forgeries blighted his literary reputation for 
 ever, and he died in straitened circumstance?, 
 not many years since. The reputed Shak- 
 spearean MSS. we remember to have once 
 seen for sale in a pawnbroker's window, in 
 Wardour-street, Soho. 
 
 INTRODUCEK3 OF FOREIGN TREES INTO 
 ENaLcVJJD. 
 
 Among the foremost of these planters we 
 find Henry VIII., whose taste seems to have 
 lain chiefly towards cherry and other fruit 
 trees ; Bishop Grindal, of whom Queen Eliza- 
 beth complained, when she visited him at 
 Fulham, that he had so surrounded his house 
 with trees that she could not see the prospect 
 from the window? ; (ierard, with his choice 
 garden behind his " house in Holborne, in 
 the suburbs of London," as he dates the pre- 
 face to his " Herbal ;" Sir Walter Raleigh, 
 with his park, at Sherborne, in Dorsetshire, 
 " beautified with orchardes, gardens, and 
 groves of much varietie and great delight ;" 
 James I. issuing a Royal ordinance for the 
 planting of mulberry-trees ; and the Duchess 
 of Beaufort, with her " famous garden at 
 Badmington ;" followed by a iiost of others 
 of inferior note. A little later came Bishop 
 Compton, who was the first to send out a 
 collector to North America ; John Duke of 
 Argyle, who planted VVhilton; Lord Petre, 
 who grew, at Thornden, the first camellias 
 seen in England, and killed them by keeping 
 them in a hot-house; the Earl of Essex, at 
 Cashiobury, who " nursed up many a fine 
 tree from seeds sown with his own hands," 
 as his gardener. Cook, informs us; the Earl 
 of Pembroke, at Wilton, which, from its fine 
 cedars, was called the English Mount Leba- 
 non ; the Duke of Northumberland, at Syon, 
 
 and the Earl of Coventry, at Croorae. In 
 this KLuroeratioc we must not forget honest 
 Petar CoUinson, the Quaker and linendraper, 
 whose fondness for animated nature was so 
 great, that in one of his letters, published in 
 the " Linnajan Correspondence," he decLired 
 every living thing called forth his affections ; 
 and in another, that in the decline of Kfe his 
 plants at Millhill furnished his greatest 
 earthly happiness. This worthy man not 
 only exerted himself to introduce foreign 
 trees and shrubs, but he patronised all who 
 wrote about them ; and it was entirely 
 through his pecuniary assistance that poor 
 Catesby was enabled to complete his labo- 
 rious and magnificent work on the " Natural 
 History of the Carolinas." 
 
 THE rETEK.A.V KOLOJIBESKI. 
 
 Jean K.oIombeski,born at Astrona (Poland) 
 on the Ist of January, 1730, entered the ser- 
 vice of France as a volunteer in the Bour- 
 bon Regiment of Infantrj", in 1774, at the 
 age of forty-four. He was made corporal in 
 1790, at the age of sixty. He made all the 
 campaigns of the Revolution and of the Em- 
 pire in different regiments of infantn-, and 
 was incorporated, in 1808, in the 3rd Regi- 
 ment of the Vistula. He was wounded ^in 
 1814, and entered the hospital at Poitiers, 
 which he soon afterwards left to be placed 
 en subsistence in the 2nd Regiment of Light 
 Infantry. On the 11th of October of the 
 same year, lie ivas admitted into the 1st 
 company of sous-officiers s(dent.a!res ; and, 
 ia 1846, into the oth company of Veteran 
 Sub-officers. The List three of these com- 
 panies ha'V'ing been suppressed by the Mi- 
 nister of War, Kolombeski was placed en 
 subsistence in the 61st Regiment of the Line, 
 received a retiring pension by decree of May 
 17, 1850, and the Minister authorised his ad- 
 mission into thq Invalides. Kolombeski ic-, 
 therefore, more than 120 years, of age : he 
 reckons 75^ yeai-s of service, and 29 cam- 
 paigns ! He enjoj-.s good health, is strong 
 and well made, and does not appear to be 
 more than seventj' or eight.v. He performed 
 every dutj' with his comrades of the 6th 
 Company of Veterans. When King Louis 
 Philippe ■\'isited Dreux, Kolombeski was 
 presented to the King, who, taking the de- 
 coration from his breast, presented it to the 
 veteran soldier. This is the most astonish- 
 ing instance of longevity that has, perhaps, 
 been ever known in the army. The Marshal 
 Governor of the Invalides ordered that 
 Kolombeski should be brought to him on his 
 arrival; but, as the old soldier was fatiijned, 
 he was taken to the infirman*', and the Go- 
 vernor, informed of it, went to his bedside 
 with General Petit, the commandant of the 
 hotel, and addressed the veteran in the 
 kindest manner. The Governor issued an 
 order that, for the future, all centenarian 
 soldiers admitted into the Hospital shonld 
 roess with the officers, in order to show iiis 
 respect for their age, and for the long ser- 
 vices thev have rendered to the state.
 
 176 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 CHARLES I. 
 
 Sir Robert Halford was one of the most 
 staunch Royalists in Leicestershire, and fre- 
 quently assisted the King with money in his 
 difficulties. It is a remarkable circumstance 
 that the descendant of the family, the late Sir 
 Henry Halford, should be the only person, 
 besides George IV., who viewed the bod}' of 
 the decapitated King, upon its discover}', 
 some years since, at Windsor. Sir Henry 
 cut off a lock of the King's hair, and made Sir 
 Walter Scott a present of a part, which he 
 had set in virgin gold ; the word " Remem- 
 ber" surrounding it in highly-relieved black 
 letters. 
 
 STORY OF THE POET LOVELACE. 
 
 In the year 1618, in the parish of Wool- 
 wich, and at the seat of his father. Sir Wil- 
 liam Lovelace — some antique mansion em- 
 bosomed, may be, amongst elm- tree groves, 
 of which, at the present day, no trace can 
 be discovered — was born the poet, Richard 
 Lovelace, accounted, in bis own day, the 
 most handsome and accomplished, the bravest 
 and most noble-minded, among those gallant 
 spirits which the civil troubles called forth, 
 to be at once the admiration .and support of 
 their particular party. 
 
 His youth an abstract of the world's best parts. 
 Inured to arms, and exercised in arts ; 
 Good as the best in both ; and great ; but yet 
 No dangerous courage nor oflfensive wit. 
 
 So wrote his "noble friend," and the friend 
 of Izaak Walton — hearty, cheerful Mr. Cot- 
 ton, as Charles Lamb calls him — in an elegy 
 on the death of this gallant cavalier. 
 
 The brief and romantic career of Lovelace 
 may be summed up almost in a single sen- 
 tence. He came of age just as the civil war 
 broke out ; espoused the cause of the King, 
 and beggared himself in his service ; agitated 
 the famous Kentish petition, which he him- 
 self presented to the Parliament, and was 
 met, in return, with an immediate commit- 
 ment to prison. On his discharge, he fought 
 for the French at Dunkirk ; and, being 
 wounded, returned to England, when he 
 found the idol of his love, the beautiful Lucy 
 Sacheverel — she to whom the most tender 
 and most enduring of his poems bad been 
 addressed — married to another ; when, as if 
 to add to his grief, he was again imprisoned, 
 and it was not till after the death of the King 
 that he, for the second time, regained his 
 liberty. Towards the close of his career, 
 which, had he fallen on other and more for- 
 tunate times, might have been as brilliant 
 as it was, in this case, mournful, " he grew 
 very melancholy, which at length brought 
 him into a consumption ; became very poor 
 in body and purse ; was the object of charity ; 
 went in ragged clothes; whereas, when he 
 was in his glory, he wore cloth of gold and 
 silver; and mostly lodged in obscure and 
 dirty places, more befitting the worst of 
 beggars and poorest of servants George 
 Petty, haberdasher in Fleet-street, carried 
 twenty shillings to him every Monday morn- 
 ing, from Sir Many and Charles Cot- 
 
 ton, Esq., for months," until his death, in a 
 miserable lodging in Gunpowder Alley, near 
 Shoe-lane, Fleet -street. 
 
 Anthony Wood speaks of Lovelace, as 
 " the most amiable person that eye ever be- 
 held ; a person also of innate modesty, virtue, 
 and courtly deportment, which made him 
 much admired and adored by the female 
 sex." This romantic admiration survives 
 even at the present day, as will be seen from 
 the following eloquent sketch, by Mrs. 
 Jameson, in her " Romances of Biography." 
 Speaking of Lovelace, she says : — 
 
 "His fate and history would form the 
 groundwork of a romance ; and in his person 
 and character he was formed to be the hero 
 of one. He was as fearlessly brave as a 
 knight-errant ; so handsome in person, that 
 he could not appear without inspiring admi- 
 ration ; a polished courtier ; an elegant 
 scholar ; and, to crown all, a lover and a poeL 
 He wrote a volume of poems, dedicated to 
 the praises of Lucy Sacheverel, with whom 
 he had exchanged vows of everlasting love. 
 Her poetical appellation, according to the 
 affected taste of the day, was Lucasta. 
 When the civil wars broke out, Lovelace de- 
 voted his life and fortunes to the service of 
 the King ; and, on joining the army, he wrote 
 that beautiful song to his mistress, which 
 has been so often quoted : — 
 
 Tell me not, sweet, I am unkind, 
 
 That, from the nunnery 
 Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind. 
 
 To war and arms I fly. 
 
 True, a new mistress now I chase. 
 
 The first foe in the field ; 
 And with a stronger faith embrace 
 
 A sword, a horse, a stiield. 
 
 Yet this inconstancy is such 
 
 As you too shall adore ; 
 I could not love thee, dear ! so much, 
 
 Loved I not honour more. 
 
 " The rest of his Ufe was a series of the most 
 cruel misfortunes. He was imprisoned on 
 account of his enthusiastic and chivalrous 
 loyalty; but no dungeon could subdue his 
 buoyant spirit. His song to ' Althea, from 
 Prison,' is full of grace and animation, and 
 breathes the very sou! of love and honour: — 
 
 When Love, with unconfined wings, 
 
 Hovers within my gates, 
 And my divine Althea brings 
 
 To whisper at the grates; 
 When I lie tangled in her hair. 
 
 And fetter'd to her eye, 
 The birds that wanton in the air, 
 
 Know no such liberty. 
 
 Stone walls do not a prison make. 
 
 Nor iron bars a cage ; 
 Minds innocent and quiet take 
 
 That for a hermitage. 
 If I have freedom in my love. 
 
 And in my soul am free, 
 Angels alone that soar above 
 
 Enjoy such liberty ! 
 
 "Lovelace afterwards comra an dsd a regi- 
 ment at the siege of Dunkirk, where he wa« 
 severely, and, as it was supposed, mortally
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 177 
 
 wounded. False tidings of bis death were 
 brought to England ; and when he returned, 
 he fouiid his Lacy (' Oh, most wicked haste ! ') 
 married to another ; it v.as a blow he never 
 recovered. He had sppnt nearly his whule 
 patrimony in the King's service, and now 
 became utterly reckless. After wandering 
 about London "in obscurity and penury, dis- 
 sipating his scanty resnurces in riot with his 
 brother cavaliers, and in drinking the health 
 of the exiled King and confusion to Crom- 
 well, this id<il of women and envy of men — 
 the beautiful, brave, high-born, and accom- 
 plished Lovelace — died miserably in a little 
 lodging in Shoe-lane. He was only in his 
 thirty-ninth year. 
 
 '■The mother of Lucy Sacheverel was 
 Luc3', daughter of Sir Henry Hastings, 
 ancestor to the present llarquis ot Hast- 
 ings. How could she so belie her noble 
 blood ? I would excuse her, were it possible, 
 for she must have been a tine creature to have 
 insphed and appieciatt d ^uch a sentiment as 
 that contained in the song; but facts cry 
 aloud against her. Her plighted hand was 
 not transfen-ed to an ^tlier, when time had 
 sanctified and mellowed regret, but with a 
 cruel and unfeminine precipitanc_v. Since, 
 then, her lover has bequeathed her name to 
 immortality, he is sufHciently avenged. Let 
 her stand forth condemned and scorned for 
 ever, as faithless, heartless — light as air, 
 false as water, and rash as fire. I abjure her." 
 
 , STORY OF A JIAGNOLIA. 
 
 The evergreen magnolia, so well known 
 for the splendour and fragrance of its blossoms, 
 was first brought to Europe, from the banks 
 of the Mississippi, in 1732, by a French olh- 
 cer of marines, wh» planted it at his native 
 place, Maillardifere, about four miles from 
 Nantes. Here the magnolia grew and flou- 
 rished; but, its introducer havirg died, little 
 notice was taken of it, and, when observed, 
 it was supposed to be only some variety of 
 the common laurel, which it resembles in its 
 leaves. Thirty years afterwards it flowered, 
 and was then discovered by M. Bonami, 
 professor of botany at Nantes, to be the 
 Magnolia grandijiora of Linnaeus. At a 
 meeting of the states of Bretagne, held at 
 Nantes in September, i7G0, M. Bonami pre- 
 sented a branch of this magnolia in flower 
 to the Princess de Rohan Chabot, and it 
 excited so much admiration that its fame 
 shortly afier reached the ears of Louis XV. 
 The monarch was then ornamenting his 
 garden at the Petit, Trianon, and had there 
 some small plants of the Mnijiinlid yraiidi flora, 
 which had in the meantime been introduced 
 into Europe by one of the Englisli collectors; 
 and when Louis heard that he had in his 
 own dominions a tree of this rare exotic, 40 
 feet high, which was covered with blossoms 
 ever}' year, he sent two of his gardeners to 
 examine it, with orders to transport it to 
 Versailles, if they could ensure its living. 
 This if was a formidable obstacle; and, the 
 gardeners reporting that they feared U v.'ould 
 
 not survive its removal, it was suffered to 
 remain at Maillardiere. Thiriy years more 
 brought the Revolution, and amidst the ge- 
 neral destruction even the poor magm^lia did 
 not escape : it was mutilated in ihe war of 
 La Vendee, and its branches were cut foi 
 firewood; the house near which it stood wa; 
 afterwards burnt down, and the magnolia 
 was scorched and withered by the Hames 
 It partially recovered, and still survives 
 though now only the wreck of what it was. 
 
 THK TWO K01JIN3. 
 
 Many years since, b>-mg at my country 
 residence at Broomfield, in Somersetshire, I 
 met with the fallowing strange occur/ence : — 
 -•Vttachcd to a house j..st opening into a 
 pitched court- yard, is a room I'urniahed with 
 two window?, one of wliich is grated and 
 open, and the other i-< glazed ; through this 
 open window robins and other small birds 
 were in the habit of passing into the room, 
 which, being kejit gener dly undisturbed and 
 the door locked, ufi'^rd d them an occasional 
 refuge from the inclemency of the weather. 
 At times you migl:t see two robins, one of 
 them being within and the other without 
 the room, pecking at each other, with the 
 gliz^d window between ihLin, and s^/eraingly 
 much amused with their play. One day I 
 had occasion in the summer time to look for 
 something iu this room, and, accompanied by 
 one of my sous, I unlocked the door with the 
 intention of entering, when two robins, which 
 Were both within the apartment, being dis- 
 turbed, fled out through the open-grated 
 window, and then making a circuit through 
 the air, pitched together on the ground of 
 the court in which we were standing, and at 
 about ten yards distance from us. They 
 then, apparently, commenced a most furious 
 fight with each other, and shorth' one of 
 them fell on his back, stretched out his legs, 
 and seemed perfectly dead. The other in- 
 stantly seized him by the back of the head, 
 and dragged him several times round and 
 round a circle of ab mt seven or eight fe?t in 
 diameter. Aly son, with a view to stop their 
 savage amusement, was about to spring for- 
 ward, when I gently arre.-ted him, to see the 
 issue. Jiuoli to my astonishment, after 
 being dragged a few ;"cunds, the fallen and 
 apiiarenily dead bird i^prang' Up with a 
 bound, and his antagonist tell in his turn 
 upon his back, and stretched out both legs 
 With consummate adroitness in all the mock 
 rigidity of death, and his late seemingly 
 dead opponent, in like manner, seized him 
 by the head, and, after dragging him a few 
 roundi in imitation of Achilles dragging 
 Hecttir round the walls of Troy, they both 
 sprang up and flew away. I have seen 
 strange sights in my life, in which birds and 
 beasts have been the actors, but none equal 
 to this. How little do we know ol' their 
 habitudes, and more especially ot those who 
 sport together during the night, when their 
 tyrant masters are at rest. — Bi/ Andrew 
 Chosse, Ksq.
 
 178 
 
 HAU.WAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 COLERIDGk'S " WATCHMAN." 
 
 Coleridgp, rmong his many speculations, 
 8tart<'(i a periodical, in prose and verse, en- 
 <itl<'d The IVatdtman, with the motto, "that 
 all mii^ht know the truth, and that the truth 
 might make us free." He watched in vain! 
 Colcriilgfc's incurable want of order and punc- 
 tuality, and his philosophical theories, tired 
 out and disgusted his rtaders, and the work 
 •was discontinued after the ninth number. 
 Of the unsaleable nature of this publication, 
 he relates an amusing illustration. Happen- 
 ing one morning to rise at an earlier hour 
 than usual, he observed his tervant-girl 
 putting an extravagant quantity of piper 
 into the grate, in order to light the fire, and 
 he mildly checked her for her waatefullness • 
 "La! sir," replied Nanny; "why, it's only 
 Watchmen.'" 
 
 PAINS AND TOILS OF AUTHORSHIP. 
 
 The craft of authorship is by no means 
 so easy of practice as is generally imagined 
 by the thousands who aspire to its practice. 
 Almost all our works, whether of knowledge 
 or of fancy, have been the product of much 
 intellectual exertion and study; or, as is 
 ^tter expressed b^' the poet — 
 
 " The well-ripened fruits of wise decay." 
 
 Pope published nothing until it had been a 
 year or two before him, and even then his 
 printer's proofs v-ere very full of alterations ; 
 and, on one occasion, Dodsley, his publisher, 
 thought it better to have the whole recom- 
 posed than to make the necessaiy corrections. 
 Goldsmith considfired four lines a day good 
 work, and was seven years in beating out the 
 pure gold of the " Deserted Village." Hume 
 wrote his " History of Engband" on a sofa, but 
 he went quietly on correcting evary edition 
 till his death. Robertson used to write out 
 his sentences on small slips of paper ; and, 
 after rounding them and polishing them to 
 his satisfaction, he entered them in a bodk, 
 which, in its turn, unde"-. vent considerable 
 revision. Barke had all his principal v^orks 
 printed two or three times at a private press 
 before submitting them to his publisher. 
 Akenside and Gray were indefatigable cor- 
 rectors, labouring every line ; and sf; '^ygg quj. 
 prolix and more iniagin»*;ve poet, Thom- 
 .son. On comnpi-VQ^ ^^^ fi,.gt and latest edi- 
 tions <^\ ;„e « Seasons," there will be found 
 scarcely a page which does not bear evidence 
 of his taste and intlustry. Johnson thinks 
 the poems lost much of their raciness under 
 this severe regimen, but they were much im~ 
 
 Sieved in fancy and didicacy ; the episode of 
 lusidora, "the solemnly ridiculous bathing 
 scene," as Campbell terms it, was almost en- 
 tirely re-written. Johnson and Gibbon were 
 the least laborious in arranging their copy 
 for the press. Gibbon sent the first and only 
 MS. of his stupendous work (the " Decline 
 and Fall") to his printer; and Johnson's 
 high-sounding sentences were written almost 
 without an effort. Both, however, lived and 
 moved, as it were, in the world of letters, 
 thinking or caring of little else — one in the 
 
 heart of busy London, which he dear/y loved, 
 and the other in his silent retreat at Lau- 
 sanne. Dryden wrote hurriedly, to provide 
 for the day; but his "Absalom aud Achi- 
 tophel," and the beautiful in]ager3' of the 
 " Hind and Panther," must have been fostered 
 with parental care. St. Pierre copied his 
 ^'Paiil and Virginia" nine times, that he 
 might render it the more perfect. Eouaseau 
 was a very coxcomb in these matters : the 
 amatory epistles, in his new " Heloise," he 
 wrote on fine gilt-edged card-paper, and 
 having Iblded, addressed, and sealed them, he 
 opened and read them in the sohtary woods 
 of Cldirens, with the m.ingled enthusiasm of 
 an author and lover. Sheridan watched long 
 and anxiously for bright thoughts, as the MS. 
 of his " School for Scandal," in its various 
 stages, proves. Burns composed in the open 
 air, the sunnier the better; but he laboured 
 hard, and with almost xmerrtng taste and 
 judgment, in correcting. 
 
 Lord Byron was a rapid composer, but 
 made abundant use of the pruning-knife. 
 On returning one of his proof-sheets from 
 Italy, he expressed himself undecided about 
 a single word, for which he wished to sub- 
 stitute another, and requested ilr. Murray 
 to refer it to Mr. Gifford, then editor of the 
 Quarterly Review. Sir \Valter Scott evinced 
 his love of literary labour by undertaking 
 the revision of the whole of the '• VVaverley 
 Novels," a goodly freightage ef some fifty or 
 sixty volumes. The works of Wordsworth, 
 Southey, Coleridge, and Moore, apd the oc- 
 casional variations in their diftcrenl editions, 
 mark their love of rc-touching. Southey 
 was, indeed, unwearied after bis kind — a true 
 author of the old school. The bright thoughts 
 of Campbell, which sparkle Iiice polished 
 lances, were manufactured with aim: 'St equal 
 care ; he was the Pope of our contemporary 
 authors. Allan Cunningham corrected but 
 little, j-et his imitations of the elder lyrics 
 are perfect centos of Scottish feeling' and 
 poesy. — Inverness Couriei; 
 
 NOTES AT AN INN. 
 
 '' Pray, give me some lemonade."— Land- 
 lady "Yes, sir. Do you — do you prefer 
 it tvith lemon, or without ? " — " How ? " 
 " Whj- — only we happen, just now, to be oat 
 of lemons." 
 
 Five minutes past five, finished dinner, and 
 ordered some wiiie. Wine fiery as brandy, 
 and warm ; complained of it. Scorewell un- 
 dertook to " try again." While he was 
 away, fancied 1 heard a pump-handle at 
 work. Returned ; wine by no means so 
 strong, and much cooler. The first decanter 
 chipt at the lip ; so was this : odd coincidence. 
 I inquired how the decants.- came to be so wet 
 outside ? Scorewell replied, that he had just 
 given it a minute in ice. That's a reason, 
 thought L 
 
 At an inn, call your bill every morning. 
 *' In the hurry of business, people sometimes 
 forget what you have not had, and down it 
 goes in the bill."
 
 EAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 179 
 
 COMTEK S POKMS. 
 
 Johnson, the publisher in St. Pinl's Chnrch- 
 yard, obtained the copyright of Cowper's 
 poems, which proved a great Fource of profit 
 to him, in the fojlowing manner : — One even- 
 ing, a relation of Cowper's called upon 
 Johnson •n'ith a portion of the MS. poems, 
 which he offered for pn'^lication, provided 
 Johnson would publish them at his own risk, 
 and allow the author to hive a few copies to 
 give to his friends. Johnson read the poems, 
 approved of them, and accordingly published 
 them. Soon after they had appeared, there 
 was scarcely a reviewer who did not load them 
 with the most scurrilous abuse, and condemn 
 them to the butter-shop? ; and the public 
 taste being thus terrifi"d or misled, these 
 charming effusions stood in the corner of the 
 publisher's shop as an unsaleable pile for a 
 long time. 
 
 At length, Cowper's relation called upon 
 Johnson with another bundle of tfce poet's 
 MS., which was offered and accepted upon 
 the same terms as before. In this fresh col- 
 lection was the poem of the " TaS'k." Not 
 alarmed at the fate of the fos-mer publication, 
 but thoroughly assured of the great merit of 
 the poems, they were published. The tone of 
 the reviewers became changed, and- Cowper 
 was hailed as the first, poet of the age. The 
 success of this second publication set the first 
 in motion. Johnson immediately reaped the 
 fruits of bis undaunted judgment ; and Cow- 
 per's poems enriched the publisher, when the 
 poet was in l.inguisbiug circumstances. In 
 October, 1812, the copyright of Cowper's 
 poems was put up to sale among the London 
 booksellers, in thirty-two shares. Twenty of 
 the shares were sold at 212/. eich. The 
 work, consisting of two octavo viilumes, was 
 satisfactorily proved at the sale to net 834/. 
 per annum. It had only two years of copy- 
 right ; yet this same copyright produced the 
 sum of 67G4/. 
 
 AN AWKWARD JIISTAKE. 
 
 A farmer, who had bought a calf from 
 a butcher, desired him to drive it to his farm, 
 and place it in the stable, which he accord- 
 ingly did. Xow it happ.-ned that very day 
 that a man with a grinding organ and a 
 dancing bear, ]):is8ing by that way, began 
 their antirs in front of tlie farm. After 
 amusing the farmer's family for some time, 
 the organ-man entered the farmer's house, 
 and asked the farmer if he could give him a 
 night's lodging; the farmer rojjlied, that 
 he could give the man a lodgin^ir, but he 
 was at a loss where to put the bear. 
 After musing a little, he determined to 
 bring the calf inside the house for that 
 night, and place the bf-ar in the stable, 
 which was done. Now the butcher, expect- 
 ing the calf would remain in the stable 
 all night, resolved to steal it ere morning; 
 and the farmer and his guest were in the 
 night awakened by a fearful yelling from 
 tiie outbuilding. Both got up", and, taking 
 a lantern, entered the stable, when the 
 
 farmer found, to his surprise, the butcher of 
 whom be had bought the calf in the grasp 
 of the bear, which was hugging him most 
 tremendously, for it could not biti-, being 
 muzzled. The farmer instantlv unde-'stood 
 the state of the case, and briefly mentioned 
 the circumstance to the owner of Kruin, who, 
 to punish the butcher for his intended theft, 
 called out to the bear, " Hug him. Tommy !" 
 which the bear did in real earnest, the 
 butcher roaring most hideously the whole 
 while. After they thought ho had suffered 
 enough, they set him free, and the butcher 
 eluuk off, glad to escape with his life; while 
 the farmer and his guest returned to their 
 beds. 
 
 IRISH FRANKING. 
 
 In May, 1784, a bill, intended to limit the 
 privilege of franking, was sent from the Par- 
 liament of Ireland for the Royal approbation. 
 It contained a clause, that any member, who, 
 from illness or any other cause, should be 
 unable to write, might authorise another per- 
 son to frank for him ; provided that, on the 
 back of the letter so franked, the member 
 should give a certificate, under his own hand, 
 of his inability to write. 
 
 A CALIFORN1AN A-ENTIIRE. 
 
 A correspondent of the London Times 
 says : — " Knowing a man about to proceed 
 to California, and remembering the story of 
 Whittington, and knowing just as much 
 al out business, I despatched seven pieces of 
 brandy to that golden region. In the course 
 of a year after I should have had a return, 
 instead I have the following .account :— Sales 
 of three hogsheads and four casks of brandy, 
 shipped per the America to San Fran- 
 cisco; sold for account and risk of , 
 
 London — 
 
 Gallons. 
 
 O C No. „ , „-- 
 
 Q ^-r 7 casks ... 2/5 
 
 Lets evaporation on 
 
 voyage 10 
 
 dol. c. 
 
 26.5gals.,at2 530 
 Charges. ^ dol. c. 
 Warehou.seing, en- 
 try, and bond ... 20 
 Ligiiterage from 
 America tostore- 
 
 ship 21 
 
 Sloreiigo 6 months 80 
 Duty 100 per cent, 
 ad valorem on in- 
 voice 329 50 
 
 Duty entry 10 
 
 Cartage 15 
 
 Commission, 10 per 
 
 cent 63 
 
 528 60 
 
 Balance in your favour ... 1 50 
 
 Say 1 dol. 50 cents. 
 Now, when I despatched my brandy in search 
 of the goklen fleece, I never had an idea of 
 fuch a fleece as this." 
 
 n2
 
 80 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 COLF.RinGE A SOLDIER. 
 
 After Colei idge left Cambridge, be came to 
 London, where sooq feeling himself forlorn 
 and dfstitute, he enlisted as a soldier in the 
 loth (Elliott's) Light Dragoons. " On his ar- 
 rival at the quaiters of the regiment," says 
 his fiiuid and biographer, Mr. Gdman, " the 
 general of the district inspected the rt'cruits, 
 and looking hard at Coleridge, with a mili- 
 tary ar, inquired 'What's your name, sir?' 
 ' C<'mbfcrbach ! ' (the name he had assumed ) 
 'What do you come here for, sir?' as if 
 doubting whethi^r he had any business there. 
 'Sir," said Coleridge, 'for what most other 
 persons come — to bu made a soldier.' ' Do you 
 think,' said the general, 'you can run a 
 Frenchman through the body?' 'I c'o not 
 know,' replied Coleridge, 'as I never tried; 
 but I'll let a Frenchman run me through the 
 bod}- beiore FU run awaj'.' ' That will do,' 
 said the general, and Coleridge was turned 
 into the ranks." 
 
 The poet made a poor dragoon, and never 
 advanced beyond the awkward squad. He 
 wrote letters, however, for all his comrades, 
 and they attended to Jiis horse and accoutre- 
 ments. After four months service (Decem- 
 ber 1793 to April 1794), the history and cir- 
 '•nmstances of Coleridge became known. He 
 had written under his saddle, on the stable 
 w;ill, a Latin sentence ( "Eheu ! quam infor- 
 tuuii iniserriinum est fuisse felicem ! ") which 
 led to an inquiry on the part of the c-iptain of 
 his troop, who had more regard for the 
 classics than Ensign Northerton, in "Tom 
 Jones." Coleridge was accordingly dis- 
 charged, and restored to his family and friends, 
 
 THE CATO-STREET CONSPIRACY. 
 
 This conspiracy had for its object revolu- 
 tion and the assassination of Ministers. The 
 framer of this wild and diabolical scheme 
 was Thistle wood, who had been a subaltern 
 first in militia, and afterwards in a regiment 
 of the line in the West Indies. Having re- 
 signed his commission, he passed into Fiance, 
 where he arrived after the fall of Robespierre, 
 and there imbibed all the opinions which pre- 
 vailed in France at the eVentful period of the 
 Revolution, und entertained tlie wild project 
 that the destruction of his countrj' was an 
 object worthy of accomplishing. Having 
 been tried with Dr. Watson, and acquitted, 
 he sent a challenge to Lord Sidmouth, for 
 which he was tried, found guilty, and impri- 
 soned. On being liberated, in August, 1819, 
 he formed a connexion with sime of the 
 lowest class of beings. Ings, Brunt, Tidd, 
 and Davidson were his companions and con- 
 fidants: they held meetings in a room hired 
 for the purjose in Gray's Inn-lane, when the 
 destruction of the Ministers was declii-ed to 
 be of the greatest consequence, in order to 
 complete their fiend-like purpose. 
 
 A meeting took place on the 19th of Feb- 
 ruary, 1820, at which they came to the reso- 
 lution of assassinating the Ministers separate- 
 ly, each in his own house, on the Wednesday 
 following; meetings were again held on 
 
 Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, when the 
 plan was resolved on ; but Thistlewood being 
 informed by Edwards (a Government spy) 
 that a cabinet dinner was to take place at 
 Lord Harrowby's house, Grosvenor- square, 
 Thistlewood procured a paper containing the 
 announcement of such intention. This event 
 gave fresh courage to the conspirators, and 
 it was at length determined that one should 
 go to the door with a letter, the remainder 
 were to rush in, and having secured the ser- 
 vants, they were to press forward into the 
 room where the Ministers were assembled, 
 and finish the business by murdering the 
 whole of them : and, as a particular trophy, 
 the heads of Sidmouth and Castlereagh were 
 to be deposited in a bag. 
 
 Wednesday was passed in manufacturing 
 the various weapons to be employed, and they 
 resorted to a stable situated in Cato street, 
 Edgeware-road. This building contained 
 but two rooms, which could only be entered 
 by a ladder. The conspirators having mus- 
 tered to the number of twenty-four, they 
 took the precaution of placing a sentinel 
 below, whilst thej- prepared for their dread- 
 ful encounter. The Ministers having been 
 made acquainted by Edwards with their mur- 
 derous intentions, also by a man of the name 
 01 Ilidun, who hiid been solicited to join them, 
 and who had warned Lord Harrowby of it 
 the previous day, a strong party of officers, 
 headed by Mr. Bi'iiie, proceeded to Cato- 
 street, and were met and supported by a de- 
 tachment of the Coldstream Guards, under 
 the command of Captain Fitz-Clarence. The 
 officers, on their arrival, mounted the ladder, 
 and found the conspirators in the loft, un- 
 conscious of their danger, and of the differ- 
 ent result of their speculation.*!. Smithers 
 being the first to enter the loft, in his attempt 
 to seize Thistlewood, was pierced by him 
 thrcjugh the body, and immediately fell : the 
 lights being qmckly extinguished, some of 
 the conspirators escaped through a window 
 at the back of the premises ; but, by the joint 
 exertions of the military and officers, nine 
 were taken that evening, and conveyed to 
 Bow-street. Thistlewood escaped in the con- 
 fusion, but was arrested the next morning i» 
 a house near Finsbury-square, and some on 
 tlie next two daj s. 
 
 True bills were found against eleven of the 
 prisoners, for high treason, on the 27th of 
 March ; and on the 17th of April Thistle- 
 wood was put on his trial. A man of the 
 name of Adams was the principal witness, 
 and one of the conspirators who escaped on 
 the evening in Cato-street, but who had been 
 taken, and had remained in custody to the 
 time of his appearance in court. The trial 
 lasted three davs, when Thistlevvood was 
 foui.d guilty of high treason. Ings, Brunt, 
 Field, and Davidson were severally tried, 
 and convicted. The remaining six pleaded 
 guilty. One received a pardon, and five 
 sentence of transportation for life. Thistle- 
 wood, Ings, Brunt, Field, and Davidson were 
 executed on the 1st of May, 1 820.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTF: BOOK. 
 
 ISl 
 
 DR. HARRl'NGTON, OF BATH. 
 
 A rustic wfio went to consult Harrington 
 was shown into a room tilled by odd-looking 
 prep iratiors ; and, stepping heavily opposite 
 a closet door, touched a spring, which caused 
 it to fly open, and a skeleton to wheel for- 
 ward. Hodge ran roaring from the hou'-'e; 
 he held on by some rails, a few doors off ; 
 moments seemed iigfs while he remained in 
 that vicinity. The Doctor, who had heard 
 in what apartment his intended patient had 
 been left, guessi-d something like the truth 
 and, looking from liis door, saw the poor fel- 
 low, spell-bound by fright. He called to 
 him in the kindest tones to come back : the 
 man turned, bt held the lean, ghastly physi- 
 cian, and, v/ith a fresh yell, uttered, " Na, 
 dang tha, I da knaw tha, though tftee'st got 
 thy clauthes on!" Then, with a desperate 
 resolution, he fled, lirnily believing that an 
 animated skeleton did practise medicine 
 there, and that Dr. Harrington, "when quite 
 undressed, was most astonishingh' ugly ! " 
 
 HISTORY OF A JEWEL. 
 
 Her Majesty's steam-sloop Mr.dea, arrived 
 at Portsmouth, July, 18-30, with freight more 
 precious in nominal value than was ever 
 carried from Peru tr Cadiz. Major Macke- 
 son, one of the passengers, brought with him 
 that famous diamond of the Ea-^t, called thc3 
 Koh-i-noor, or " Mountain of Light," which, 
 after symbolising the revolutions of ten ge- 
 nerations by its passage from one to another, 
 comes now, in the third centenary of its dis- 
 cover}-, as the forfeit of Oriental faithle-ssness 
 and the prize of Saxon valour, to the distant 
 shores of I'Jngland. It was in the year L550, 
 before the Mogul dynasty had been esta- 
 blished by the prowess ot the great Akbar, 
 that this marvellous stone was first brought 
 to light in the celebrated mines of Gulccnda. 
 The Koh-i-noor afterwards passed from Gol- 
 conda to Delhi. While the kingdoms of the 
 Deccan were successively absorbed in the cul- 
 minating dominion of the Moguls, the Koh- 
 i-noor rested among the treasures of Impe- 
 rial Delhi, where, on the 2nd of November, 
 1665, it was seen by the French traveller, 
 Taveniier, who, by the extraordinary indul- 
 gence of AuruDgzebe, was permitted to 
 handle, examine, and weigh it. '1 he Great 
 Mogul sate on his throne of State, while the 
 chief keeper of the jewels produced his trea- 
 sures for inspection on two golden dishes. 
 The magnificence of the collection was inde- 
 scribable, hut conspicuous in lustre, esteem, 
 and value was the Koh-i-noor. Sometimes 
 worn on the person of the Moguls, sometimes 
 adorning the famous peacock throne, this 
 inestimable gem was salely preserved at 
 Delhi, until, in 17.39, the empire received its 
 fatal blow from the invasion of Nadir Shah. 
 Among the spoils of conquest which the 
 Persian warrior ca'ried back with him in 
 triumph to Khorassun, and which have been 
 variously estimated as worth from thirty to 
 ninety millions sterling, the Koh-i-noor was 
 the most proeious trophy, but it was de- 
 
 stined to pass from Persia a"? quickly as that 
 ephemeral supremacy in virtue of which it 
 had been acquired. Nadir Shah had enter- 
 tained in his service a body of AfTghans of 
 the Abdalle tribe, under the leadership of 
 Ahmed Shah, who also served his master in 
 the capacity of treasurer, and when the Per- 
 sian conqueror was assassinated by his sub- 
 jects, the Alf^hans, after vainly endeavour- 
 ing to rescue or avenge him, fought thtir 
 way to their own frontiers, though only four 
 thousand strong, through the hosts of the 
 Persian army. In conducting this intrepid 
 retreat, Alimed Shah carried off with him 
 the treasures in his possession, and was pro- 
 bably aided by these means, as well as by 
 his own valour, in consolidating the new 
 state which, under the now familiar tit'e of 
 the Dooranee Empire, he speedily created in 
 Cabul. It seemed as if the Koh-i-noor car- 
 ried with it the sovereignty of Hindo.stan* 
 for the conquests of Ahmed were .as dccisiT^ 
 as those of Nadir, and it was by his nomina 
 tion and patronage that the last Emperor as- 
 cended the throne of the Moguls. 
 
 At the beginning of the present century, 
 the treasures and power of Ahnieil were 
 vested in the person of Zemaun Shah ; sub- 
 ject to the incessant assaults of his kinsmen. 
 One of these at length proved successful, 
 and, in the year 1800, Zemaun Shah, found 
 himsell' a prisoner at the disposal of his bro- 
 ther Shah Shuja, the identical puppet, forty 
 j-ears later, of our famous Cabul exjiedition; 
 so that we are now brought down to modern 
 times and characters. Shah Shuja presently 
 ascended the throne of his brother; but the 
 treasurj' of Cabul was wanting in its most 
 precious ornament, till at lengtli, ingeniously 
 secreted in the wall of Zemaun Shah's prison, 
 was discovered the Koh-i-no r. It was 
 eight years after this, while the Dooranee 
 Monarchy was still formidable enough to 
 inspire the powers of the Ea-st with uneasi- 
 ness, that Mr. Elphinstone, accredited by 
 Lord Minto to the Alfghan Prince, betook 
 himself to what was then the remote and 
 unknown town of Peshawur, where, at hi« 
 state recejition, the Koh-i-noor again flashed, 
 after an interval of so many years, upon the 
 dazzled eyes of an European. Shah Shuja, 
 afterwards the client and pensioner of the 
 East, India Company, was dressed on this 
 occa-ion in a green velvet tunic, fitting clo-ely 
 to his boily, and seamed with gold and pre- 
 cious stone.s. On his breast was a cuirass of 
 diamonds shaped like two flattened jieurs- 
 de-lis, and in a bracelet on his riglu arm 
 bliized the priceless jewel of Golconda. The 
 Piince gave a gracious audience to the Am- 
 bassador, and Mr. Elphinstone retired ; but 
 the Koli-i-noor was not fated long to con- 
 tinue in the divided and tottering family of 
 the once powerful Abdalles. 
 
 The embassy had scarcely re-crossed the 
 Indus when Stiah Shuja was ex]ie:led from 
 Cabul, though he contrived to make this far- 
 famed diamond the companion of his fl:ght. 
 After many vicissitudes of e.\i)'; :ad conte^
 
 182 
 
 KAILWAY AJsT.CDOTE Bf^OK. 
 
 he at length found an equivocal refuge under 
 the protection of that powerful chieftain who 
 lisd now consolidated the dominions of the 
 Sikhs into a Koyal inheritance for his owu 
 family, llnnjeet Singh was fully competent 
 either to the defence or the restoration of the 
 fugitive, l)ut he knew orsuspected the ti^easure 
 in liis po'-session, and his mind was bent upon 
 acquiring it. lie put the Shah under strict 
 surveillance, and made a formal demand for 
 the jewel. The Dooranee Prince hesitated, 
 prevaricated, temporized, and employed all 
 tlip artifices of Oriental diplomacy, but in 
 vain. Runjeet redoubled the stringency of 
 his measure's, and at length the 1st of June, 
 1813, was fixed as the day when the great 
 diamond of the Moguls should bo surrender- 
 ed by the Abdalle Chief to the ascendant 
 dynasty oftlie Singhs. The two princes met 
 in a room appointed for the purpose, and took 
 their seats on the ground. A solemn silence 
 then ensu d, which continued unbroken for an 
 hour. At length Runjeet's impatience over- 
 came the suggestions of Asiatic decorum, 
 aud he whispered to an attendant to quidken 
 the memory of the Shah. The exiled Prince 
 spoke not a word in reply, but gave a signal 
 with his eyes to a eunuch in attendance, who, 
 retiring for a nioment, returned with a small 
 roll which he set dov/n upon the carpet mid- 
 way between the two chiefs. Again a pause 
 followed, when, at a signal from Runjeet, the 
 roll ^v'a> unfolded, and theie in its matchless 
 and unspeakable brilliaiiCy glittered the 
 Koh-i-noor. 
 
 In this way did the " Mountain of Light" 
 pass in the train of conquest and as the 
 emblem of dominion from iidlconda to Delhi, 
 from 'Delhi to Mushed, from Mushed to Ca- 
 bul, atid from Cabul to Lahore. Excepting 
 the somewhat doubtful claims of the Bra- 
 zilian stone among the Crown jewels of Por- 
 tugal, the Koh-i-noor is the largest known 
 diamond in the world. When first given to 
 Shah Jr-haum it v,'a3 still uncut, weighing, 
 it is said, in that rough state, tearly 800 ca- 
 rats, which were reduced by theunskilfulneas 
 of the artist to 279, its preSsnt weight. It 
 was cut by Hortensio Bor^s, a Venetian, 
 who, instead of receiving a remuneration for 
 his labour, was fined 10,000 rupees for his 
 ■wastefulness by the ehraged Mogul. In 
 form it is "rose- cut" — that is to say, it is 
 cut to a point in a series of small faces, or 
 " facets," without anj' tabular surface. A 
 good genera! idea may be formed of its shape 
 iind size by conceiving it as the pointed half 
 of a small hen's egg, though it is said not to 
 have risen more than half- an-inch from the 
 gold setting in which it was worn by Run- 
 jeet. I;s V due is scarcely computable, though 
 two millions sterling has been mentioned as 
 a justifiable price if calculated by the scale 
 empiiiyeil b}' the trade. The Pitt diamond, 
 brought over from Madras by the grand- 
 father of Lord Chatham, and sold to the 
 Regent Orlems in 1717 for £12.5,000, weighs 
 scarcely 130 carats; nor does the great dia- 
 mond which supports the eftgle to the sum- 
 
 mit of the Russian sceptre iveigh as mack 
 as 20C. Such is the extraorditiaiy jewel 
 which in virtue of conquest and sovereignty 
 has passed into the possession of England. 
 It was prudentlj' secured among the few re- 
 maining valuables of the Lahore treasurj' 
 at the commeneement of the last insurrection, 
 and, although even its nominri value -would 
 be an inadequate compensation for the cost or 
 the Sikh war, we may look xipon its acquisi- 
 tion as a litting symbol of that supremacy 
 which -vVe have so fairly wOn. 
 
 BOYHOOD OF CAPTATK OOOtC. 
 
 There is not the slightest doubt as to the 
 authenticity of the following incident, which 
 shows the effects of little causes producing 
 great consequences. The discoveries of the 
 English circumnavigator were owing to a 
 particularly marked shilling. Young Cook 
 ■»vas a native df Yorkshire, and served as ap- 
 prentice to a merchant and shopkeeper in a 
 large fishing-tow'n in that county. Some 
 monej^ had been missed from the till, and, to 
 detect the delinquent, a verj'' curiously marked 
 sTiilling was "mixed with the silver, which wis 
 iiccurateh' counted. On examining the till 
 short!}' after, this peculiar shilliDg was miss- 
 ing, and Cook was taxed With having taken 
 it out; this be instantly acknowledged, 
 Stating that its peculiarity had caught his 
 eye, but affirmed, at the same time, that he 
 had put anethcr of his oWn in its place. Tae 
 money was accordingly counted ove? again, 
 and found to agree exactly with his state- 
 ment. Although the family whs highly re- 
 spectable, and therefore capable of advancing 
 him in his future prospects, and also much 
 attached to him, and ver}' kind, yet the high 
 spirit of the bov could not brook remaining 
 in a situation where he had been suspect-ed ; 
 he therefore ran away, and, having no other 
 resource, entered as a cabin-boy in a collier. 
 
 "HlPPOPOtAiltJS IN TfiE ZOOLOGICAL SO- 
 CIETY'S JlENASEKIK, regent's PARK. 
 
 ■Prbfessor Owen has published a report On 
 this valuable acquisition to the Zoological 
 Society, from which it appe-irs that the hip- 
 popotamus, now housed in its comfortable 
 quarters in the Regent's Pai-k, was captured 
 in August, 1819, about 13-50 miles above 
 Cairo. The hunters, having previou^sly 
 Ttrounded its mother, had their attention at- 
 tracted to the thick bushes on the river's 
 bank, in which the j'oung animal was con- 
 cealed. When disco\'ered. the calf made a 
 rush to the river, and nearly escaped, owing 
 to the slipperiness of its skin, and was ocly 
 secured by one of the men striking the boat- 
 hook into its flank. The hippopotamus is now 
 (July 1850), 10 months old. aud meastares 7 
 ■feet long, and six and a luilf in girth at the 
 middle of the barrel-shaped trunk, which is 
 BUiiported clear of the ground on verj' short 
 and thick legs. The naked hide coreriag 
 the broad back and sides is of a dark India- 
 rubber colour, impressed bv numerous fine 
 wtinkles crossing •each 6th*r, but disposed
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 18S 
 
 almost transversely. When Profeseor Owen 
 first saw the beast it hatl just left its bath, 
 and he observed a minute drop of a glisten- 
 ing secretion exuding from the pores, which 
 are dispersed over the wJ ole integument, and 
 which the animal is provided with for the 
 purpose of lubricating its thick hide, and 
 thus preventing it from breaiiing. After 
 lying quietly about an hour, the hippopo- 
 tamus rose, and walked slowly about its 
 room, and then uttered a loud and short 
 harsh snort four or five times in quick suc- 
 cession, reminding one of the snort of a 
 horse, and ending with an explosive sound 
 like a bark. The keeper slated that the 
 sounds were indicative of its desire to return 
 to the bath. The Arab opened the door, and 
 walked to the new wiug containing the bath, 
 the hippopotamus following, like a dog, close 
 to his heels. On arriving at the bath-room, 
 the animal descended with some deliberation 
 the flight of low steps leading into the water, 
 stooped and drank a little, dipped his head 
 under, and then plunged forwards. It was 
 no sooner in its favourite element than its 
 whole aspect changed, and it seemed inspired 
 ■»vith new hfe and activity ; sinking down to 
 the bottom, and moving about submerged 
 for a while, it wfuld suddenly rise with a 
 bound, almost bodily, out of the water, and 
 splashing back, commenced swimming and 
 plunging about with a porpoise-like motion, 
 rolling from side to side, taking in monthfuls 
 of water and spurting it out iSgain, raising 
 every now and then its grotesque head, and 
 biting the wood-work at the margin of the 
 bath. The broad rounded back of the animal 
 being now chiefly in view, it locked very 
 much larger than when out of the water. 
 After half an hour spent in this amusement, 
 it quitted the water at the call of its keeper, 
 and followed him back to the sleeping-room, 
 which is well bedded with straw, and where 
 a stuffed sack is provided for its pillow, of 
 which the animal, having a very short neck, 
 thicker than the head, duly avails itself when 
 it sleeps. When awake, it is verj* impatient 
 of any absence of its favourite attendant, 
 rises on its hmd legs, and threatens to break 
 down the woodtn fence by butting and push- 
 ing against it in a way strongly significative 
 of its great muscular force. Its food is now 
 a kind of porridge of milk and maize m* al. 
 Its appetite has been in no respect diminished 
 by the confinement and inconveniences of 
 the sea voyage, or by change of climate. 
 
 CONTEST Wmi MONKEYS. 
 
 Mr. M'Hride, manager of the Dridge-of- 
 Weir Gas- Works, keeps a pair of monkeys 
 for his amusement. The animals are usually 
 kept in a large iron cage, but, in the abf<ence 
 of Mr. M'Biide, one day, for a few minutes, 
 they succeeded in effecting their liberation, 
 and seemed to feel a pleasure at the time in 
 working ill tlw mischief that was possible. 
 The desk of the (ffice was overturned, and 
 the papers it contained torn and scattered 
 
 tar cistern, and flooded the floor with its 
 nauseous contents. On the manager, on his 
 return, finding matters in this plit;ht, he un- 
 ceremoniously commenced to inflict corporal 
 punishment on the first of the moiikeya he 
 came in Fight of, when the other, which had 
 been hiding, immediately made a rush to tha 
 8«<i-tance of his companion. The brutes cut 
 the leg of Mr. M'Bride through his trousers, 
 and one of them, leajring on his back, cut 
 him pretty severely on tlie face also. By 
 this time, one stick had been broken over thJE 
 backs of the animals ; and Mr. M'Bride hav- 
 ing placed his back to the wall for protection, 
 and armed himself with another Idudgeon, 
 he ultimately recaptured his assailants, but 
 not till the leg of one of them had bees 
 broken in the contest. 
 
 A VETERAN. — THE WAR UEDAL, 1848. 
 
 Her Majesty Queen Victoria having been 
 gracioush' pleased t'> command that a medg' 
 should be struck to record the services of hej 
 ■fleets and armies during the late wars, the 
 Board and General Ollicers, asrembled by 
 order and under the direction of Field-Mar- 
 shal his Grace the Duke of WtUingtou, Com- 
 mander-in-chief, accordingly awarded a me- 
 dal and twelve clasps or bars t(\ Captain 
 Humbley, of Waterloo Cottage, Eynesbury, 
 St. Meots, who served in the 9oth Rifles 
 (now the Rifle Brigade), throughout the 
 whole of the late war, and was actually 
 present in twenty-three battles, several sieges, 
 and numerous skirmishes and minor affairs of 
 out-posts; fought in five different king- 
 doms, and was siK times very severely . 
 wounded in distinct actions, namely, at 
 Flushing, in 1809, in the head; at Victoria, 
 in 1813, in the left arm ; at Nivelle, in 1813 
 in the left eye; atOrtli^s, in 1814, in the right, 
 thigh, and at Waterloo, in 181o, very seri- 
 ously wounded in both slioulders. Caj'tain 
 Humbley now numbers, with the Waterloo 
 medal previously received, fourteen deco- 
 rations ; and he has also a rifle ball which 
 lodged in his forehead at the siege and ca- 
 pitulation of Flu-hing, in 1809 ; the ball was 
 extracted and the head trephined. Two mus- 
 ket-balls Were lodged, one in each shoulder, at 
 the battle of Waterloo: or.e of the balls is at 
 the present moment near, or undes the 
 scapular bone of his left shoulder ; the other 
 ball was extracted from his right shoulder 
 the second day after the battle of Waterloo, 
 and is now in his possession ; forming, alto- 
 gether, seventeen trophies — honours of war, 
 in the keeping and tor the services of one 
 individual, rarely to be met with. The 
 average number of the p incipal battles 
 selected for medals, and admitted i>y the 
 Board of General Officers, is lour to each 
 claimant ; but, in some few instances, as in 
 this case, a gi'eater number has be»>n sub- 
 stituted. Captain Humbley commenced hi/ 
 military career in 1803— ISOtJ, in the Cam 
 bridgeshire Militia, then commanded by his 
 noble and gallant friend, the late R^ght Hoa.
 
 184 
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 SHIPPING THE DfniAN MAIL AT 30i;TH- 
 ASITTON. 
 
 Emerging from ttie dock- gate are sean 
 three immense railwa\ vans, drawn by power- 
 ful horses, escorted by a mail -guard dressed 
 in the scarlet livery of the Postmaster- 
 General, and preceded by policemen, who 
 force back the crowd from the side of the 
 vessel. These railway vans contain the 
 Indian and Mediterranean mail. The mail 
 sonsists of about 200 boxes, and sacks of 
 letters and newspap rs. The sacks are for 
 places in thfe Mediterrane.in, and the boxes 
 are for parts beyond Egj'pt. Boxes are u-ed 
 because of the convenienca and safety with 
 ■which they can be transported on the backs 
 of camels across the desert of Suez, ]<<'evious 
 to their being embarked again on board ship 
 in the R'id Sea. Letter-bags cannot be so 
 conveniently packed on camels' backs as 
 boxes, and the}' would be liable to be cut 
 open, and their contents extracted, by the 
 Copland Arab camel guides across the de-ert. 
 The boxes and sacks w^igh between four and 
 five tons, and they contain about 100,000 
 letters and '2(10,000 newspapers. The w.iod 
 of the boxes is about three quarters of an 
 inch in thickness: each box is about two feet 
 long, and a toot, and a-half in height and 
 breadth. The covers of them are securely 
 nailed down, and sealed in such a manner 
 that they cannot be broken open without 
 the seal being destroyed. About fifty of the 
 boxes are for B.mibay, forty for Calcutta, 
 twenty for Madras, thirty for Ceylon, and 
 twenty for Hong-Kong. Those for Bombay 
 are painted white ; for Calcutta, blue; Ma- 
 dras, yellow; Ceylon, black; and Hong- 
 Kong, red. The object of painting them 
 different colours is fur the convenience of se- 
 lecting them for anv porticular part from the 
 mail-room on board, where they are all stored 
 away together. As soon as the mail arrives 
 alongside the packet, about twenty men are 
 busily employed putting it on board, and 
 the Admii-alty and Post-office authorities are 
 checking off printed lists of its contents. 
 While this is going o:i, time appears ti be 
 on the wing by the passengers and their 
 friends on board, who are now taking leave 
 of each other. 
 
 THE KILKKXNY CATS. 
 
 The story generally told is, that two of 
 those animals f :Ui;ht in a siwpit with such 
 ferocious dL-terminatmn, that, when the battle 
 was over, nothing could be found remaining 
 of either combatant xcept his tail — the mar- 
 vellous inference to be drawn therefrom being, 
 of course, that they had devoured yach other. 
 This ludicrous anecdote has, no doubt, been 
 generally looked upon as an absurdity of the 
 Joe Miller class ; but this (says a writer in 
 Notes and Queries) I conceive to be a mis- 
 sake. I have not the least doubt that the 
 Story of the mutual destruction of the con- 
 tending cats was an allegory designed to 
 typify the utter ruin to which centuries of 
 litigation and embroilment on the subject of 
 
 conflicting rights and privileges tended to re- 
 duce the respective exchequers of the rival 
 municipal bodies of Kilkenny and Irishtown 
 --separate corporations existing within the 
 liberties of one city, and the boundaries of 
 whose respective jurisdiction had never been 
 marked out or defined by an authority to 
 which either was willing to bow. Their 
 struggles for precedencj', and for the mam- 
 tenance of alleged rights invaded, commenced 
 A D. 1377, and were carried on with truly 
 feline fierceness and implacability till the end 
 of the seventeenth century, when it may 
 fairly be considered that tliey had mutually 
 devoured each other to the very tail, as we 
 find their property all mortgaged, and see 
 them each passing "by-laws that their respect- 
 ive officers should be content with the dig- 
 nity of their station, and forego all hope ot 
 salary till the suit at law with the other 
 "pretended corporation" should be termi- 
 nated, and the incumbrances thereby caused 
 removed with the vanquishment" of the 
 enemy. Those who have taken the story of 
 the Kilkenny ca's in its literal sense have 
 done grievous injustice to the character of 
 the grimalkins of the "fair cittie," who are 
 really quite as demure and quietly disposed 
 a race of tabbies as it is in the nature of any 
 such animals to be. 
 
 THE NAJIES OF PROTISIONS. 
 
 The names of provisions throw some light 
 upon the mode of living among the higher 
 and lower cLsses of our population. Bread, 
 with the common productions of the garden, 
 such as peas, beans, eggs, and sonip other 
 articles which might be produced in the cot- 
 tage garden or yard, retain their Saxon 
 names,andevidentiy formed the chief IK urish- 
 ment of the Saxon portion of the population. 
 Of meat, though the word is Saxon, thev ate 
 probably- little ; for it is one of the most 
 curious circumstances connected with the 
 English language, that while the living 
 animals are called bv Anglo-Saxon names, 
 as oxen, calves, sheep, pigs, deer, tht- tle-h of 
 those animals when prepared for the table is 
 called by names which ai-e all Anglo-Xor 
 man — beef, veal, mutton, pork, venison. The 
 outcher who killed them is himself known 
 uy an An<,lo- Norman name. Even fowls 
 when killed receive the Norman name of 
 poultry. This can only be explained by 
 the circumstance that the Saxon popvilation 
 in general was onh' acquainted with ihe living 
 animals, while their flesh was carried off to 
 the castle and table of the Norman posses- 
 sors of the land, who gave it names taken 
 from their owTi language. Fresh meat, salted, 
 was hoarded up in immense quantities in the 
 Norman castles, and was distributed lavishly 
 to the household and idle followers of the 
 feudal possessors. Almost the only meat 
 obtained by the peasantiy^ unless, if we 
 believe old popular songs, by stealth, was 
 bacon, and that also is still called by an 
 Anglo-Norman name. — Gentleman'!, Mag^- 
 zinc.
 
 RAILWAY ANECDOTE BOOK. 
 
 laa 
 
 A LUCKY FELLOW. 
 
 The Echo de rOise recounts the following 
 bit of good fortune which has fallen to the 
 lot of a young sailor, named Laurendeau. It 
 appears that when only fourteen years of 
 age, at Rouen, he saw a young English lady 
 fall into the river when landing at the Quay. 
 Laurendeau jumped in, and was fortiinate 
 enough to laj' hold of her, but being c uii^ht 
 by the clothes by some of the iron-work of 
 the vessel, they both would have lost their 
 lives had not persons present released him 
 with a boathook. The mother of the 3'oung 
 lady thanked him warmly, and made him a 
 present, and also paid the expense he in- 
 curred in curing the wound he had received 
 in the leg from the boat-hook. Laurendeau 
 had neither seen nor heard of the persons for 
 fifteen years, when an English gentleman 
 came to him, and alluding to his act of 
 courage, and in order to be certain ol' his 
 identity, had his leg examined by a medical 
 man, who clearly recognised the mark made 
 by the hook. \Vhen thus certain of his man, 
 the Englishman told Laurendeau that the 
 young lady whose Life he had saved wished 
 to thank him in person, and to present him 
 with an annuity for life of lO.OOOf., and at 
 the same time he presented him with oOOf. to 
 pay the expense of his journey to London. 
 The fortunate young man immediately made 
 his preparations and started. 
 
 THE HAiOIEKSMITH GHOST. 
 
 The particulars of this tragical affair are 
 as follows: — The inhabitants of the neigh- 
 bourhood of Hammersmith had been for 
 some days in a state of alarm, arising from 
 the report that a ghost had been seen, which 
 report so intimidated the residents of the 
 place, that few would venture out of their 
 houses after dusk, unless upon urgent busi- 
 ness. A young man, however, who pos- 
 sessed more courage than the rest of his 
 neighbours, determined to watch the pro- 
 ceedings of this visitant of the other world ; 
 he accordingly placed himselt in a secluded 
 spot, armed with a gun, and as near the spot 
 as possible to wlferetlie ghost had been seen. 
 He had not remained long in his hiding- 
 place, when he heard the sound of footsteps 
 advancing, and immediately challengpJ the 
 supposed spirit; but not receiving any an- 
 swer, he fired at the object. A deep i;roan 
 was heard, and upon a light being procured, 
 it was discovered that a poor bricklayer, who 
 passed that w^ay from his work on that even- 
 ing rather later than usual, and who had 
 on a new flannel jacket, was the innocent 
 cause of this unfortimate occurrence. The 
 young man was tried for murder, and ac- 
 quitted. 
 
 ■waiA.T WAS A Pound ix a.d. 1000? 
 In Alsace, at the end of the tenth century, 
 the common money for current purposes was 
 the pfennig. It was of copper, and sixtj- of 
 them weighed exactly one marc, or half a 
 pound avoirdupois, or 120 of them were a 
 
 pound weight. The price of a shefTel or 
 bushel of wheat, weighing sixty pounds, or 
 the same nearly as our English bushel, wa» 
 seven of these pfennigs. Copper, piobably, 
 bore a higher value in proporiion to silver 
 than it does in the present day ; or the bushel 
 of wheat was sold for less than a penny 
 farthing. About two hundred and fift}' ye.in 
 later, in the s*me country, the same mex'Ur* 
 of wheat was sold at twenty-fuur pfennigs, oi 
 about threepence farthing. It appears liy tin 
 accounts preserved in the cathedral of Stras- 
 burg that the wages paid to the masons em- 
 ployed in the erection of that edifice were 
 from one and a half to two of these pfennigs. At 
 the building of the great bridge of Dresden, 
 in the thirteenth century, the labourers were 
 paid two pfennigs daily ; and, according to 
 some fragments of mining accounts of TiLlot 
 and Chateau Lambert, the operative minors 
 received no more than two pfennigs. — Jacob 
 on the Precious Metals. 
 
 AN AMERICAN CUSTOSIKR. 
 
 Many years since, there did dwell in a cer- 
 tain town, not a hundred miles from that far- 
 famed place where Orthodox divines are 
 fitted up for their profession and calling, a 
 certain D.D., notorious for his parsimoiiious- 
 nesf!, which would run to the wildest ex- 
 tremes. 
 
 One day this doctor of divinity chanced into 
 a hat store in this city, and, at'lkr rum- 
 maging over the wares, selected an ordinary- 
 looking hat, put it on his reveri-nd head, 
 ogled himself in the glass, then asked the 
 very lowest price of it, telling the vendor, 
 thai, if he could give it cheap enough, he 
 thought he might buy it. " But," said the 
 hatter, " that hat is not good enough for you 
 to wear — here is what you want," showing 
 one of his best beavers. " 'Tis the best 1 can 
 afford tho'," returned the theologian. " Well, 
 there, doctor, I'll .Tiake you a present of that 
 best beaver, if you'll wear it, and tell j'our 
 friends whose store it came from ; Til war- 
 rant you'll send me customers enough to get 
 my money back with interest : j-ou arc pretty 
 extensively acquainted." " Thank you — 
 thank you !" said the doctor, hi-i eyes gleam- 
 ing wi'h pleasure at raising a castor so 
 cheaply: "how much may this beaver be 
 worth '?" ••' We sell that kind of h.nt for tight 
 dollars," replied the man of nap. "And the 
 other?" continued the reverend gentleman. 
 "Three." The man of sermons put on the 
 beaver, looked in ehe glass, then at the thn-e- 
 doUar hat. "I think, sir," said ho, taking 
 off tho lieaver, and holding it in eaie h;;nd, 
 as he dv^nncd the cheap " tile," " 1 think, sir, 
 that this hat will answer my purpose full as 
 well as the best." "But you'd bettor take 
 the best one, sir, it costs you no more." 
 '• B-u-t — bu-t," replied the parson hesi 
 tatingly, " 1 didn't kneiw — but — p(r-h;ips — 
 you would as lief 1 would take the cheap enie, 
 and leave the other — and perhaps you would 
 not mind giving me the difference in ajivf 
 doUar biUF' — Ntw York Evening Monitor
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Abebnethiana .. .. 
 
 Absent Man 
 
 Absence of Mind . . 
 
 Accommodating Eloquence 
 
 Accommodating Inadvertence 
 
 Accommodating Principles 
 
 Accurate Description 
 
 Acquaintance 
 
 Adam's Apple 
 
 Addison and Montaigne 
 
 Addisoniana 
 
 Admiral Hobson . . 
 
 Advantages of Early Training 
 
 Adventure with a Bison 
 
 Advice to an Author 
 
 Affected Modesty.. 
 
 Aged Actress 
 
 Aged Dancers 
 
 Algerine Cats 
 
 Allen, Earl Bathurst 
 
 Americani.'sms 
 
 American Customer 
 
 American " Ladies" 
 
 American Nation . . 
 
 American Newspapers 
 
 American Oddity .. 
 
 American Sheriff . . 
 
 American Similes . . 
 
 Ancestral Dispute 
 
 Ancestry 
 
 Announcing Names 
 
 Antiquity of the Electric Telegraph 
 
 Argumentative . . 
 
 Artificial Memory 
 
 Art of Tallying . . 
 
 Assassination of W'allenstein 
 
 Astrologer Outwitted 
 
 Astronomy 
 
 Awkward Honour 
 
 Awkward Mistake 
 
 Bacon and Beans . . 
 
 Bad Company 
 
 Bad Habit 
 
 Bad 's the Best . . 
 
 Bathing in the Thames 
 
 Beau Nash 
 
 Beautiful Ballad-Singer 
 
 " Beggar's Opera" 
 
 Benefit of Competition 
 
 Benslcy's Wig 
 
 Best Knock 
 
 Betting . . 
 
 Bewick, the Engraver 
 
 Billinssgate Fair . . 
 
 Bishop Watson .. 
 
 Black Letter 
 
 Black preaching . . 
 
 Blood .. 
 
 Blow your Nose . . 
 
 Blow-up 
 
 Bookseller's Blunder 
 
 Boiwell's " Life of Johnson 
 
 Boybood of CapUin Cook 
 
 Boyhood of Edmnnd Kean 
 
 Tage 
 
 
 Page 
 
 . 96 
 
 Braham and Kenny 
 
 .. 34 
 
 . 15 
 
 Bravery . .. 
 
 .. U5 
 
 . 63 
 
 Breaking out of the War between England 
 
 . 18 
 
 and France in 1803 
 
 .. 120 
 
 . 6 
 
 Brevity .. 
 
 .. 75 
 
 . 134 
 
 Brief Abstmence .. 
 
 1 
 
 . U 
 
 British Flag in Canada 
 
 .. 84 
 
 . 167 
 
 Broad Hint 
 
 .. 8 
 
 . 1.51 
 
 Broil 
 
 .. 6S 
 
 . 104 
 
 Buffon'sSon 
 
 .. 76 
 
 . lf.7 
 
 Bull and no Bull .. 
 
 .. 166 
 
 . 78 
 
 Bunyan's Escapes 
 
 .. 170 
 
 • 56 
 
 Burke's Fondness for Children 
 
 .. 118 
 
 . 34 
 
 Burke's Visit to Bedlam . . 
 
 .. 168 
 
 . 169 
 
 
 
 . 12 
 
 Csesar's Good-BrBeding .. 
 
 .. ;68 
 
 . 118 
 
 Calamy and Cromwell 
 
 . 70 
 
 . 148 
 
 Califomian Venture 
 
 .. 179 
 
 . !1 
 
 Calculation 
 
 .. 51 
 
 . 137 
 
 Card-table Signals 
 
 .. 13 
 
 . 23 
 
 Card-playing 
 
 .. 73 
 
 . 135 
 
 Careme, the Cook 
 
 .. I.Mt 
 
 . 12 
 
 Carter Foote 
 
 .. 74 
 
 . 101 
 
 Carving Accident.. 
 
 .. 2" 
 
 . 31 
 
 Cartouche 
 
 .. IS 
 
 . 30 
 
 Capillary Attraction 
 
 .. 141 
 
 . 87 
 
 Cash Payments .. 
 
 .. l«l 
 
 . 48 
 
 Catching Crabs .. 
 
 .. 25 
 
 . 3 
 
 Catching the Plague 
 
 .. 164 
 
 . 129 
 
 Cato-street Conspiracy 
 
 .. 180 
 
 . 167 
 
 Cat out .. 
 
 .. jr 
 
 . 171 
 
 Cause and Effect . . 
 
 ., I«8 
 
 . 157 
 
 Champagne 
 
 .. 137 
 
 . 47 
 
 Clianging Hats 
 
 5 
 
 . 22 
 
 Chantrey's first Sculpture 
 
 .. 23 
 
 . 114 
 
 Charity and Inconvenience 
 
 .. M 
 
 . 25 
 
 Charles I. 
 
 .. 176 
 
 . 147 
 
 Charies Duka of Norfolk . . 
 
 .. 6|! 
 
 . 141 
 
 Charles Kemble . . 
 
 .. 14- 
 
 . 179 
 
 Charles Phillips's Sketch of Cnrran 
 
 .. 164 
 
 
 Chateaubriand a Solcier .. 
 
 .. 90 
 
 . 155 
 
 Chateaubriand's Interview with Washington 95 
 
 91 
 
 Chatham's command of the Honse . . 
 
 .. 105 
 
 . 78 
 
 Cheap Living 
 
 .. 78 
 
 1 
 
 Cheap Watch 
 
 .. 64 
 
 132 
 
 Chelsea Buns 
 
 .. .172 
 
 69 
 
 Chelsea Heroines . . 
 
 .. 140 
 
 108 
 
 Chemical Oddity .. 
 
 .. 15 
 
 37 
 
 Chemistry of Heat 
 
 .. 62 
 
 6 
 
 Chops and Cucumbers 
 
 .. 26 
 
 85 
 
 City Toasting 
 
 .. 124 
 
 31 
 
 City Attorney 
 
 .. SO 
 
 42 
 
 Classic Chance 
 
 .. 61 
 
 1C8 
 
 Classic Felony 
 
 .. 109 
 
 60 
 
 Claw and Claw . . 
 
 .. 133 
 
 112 
 
 Clearing Emigrants 
 
 .. 83 
 
 80 
 
 Clever Thieves .. 
 
 .. 15 
 
 72 
 
 Clincher.. 
 
 25, 14T 
 
 78 
 
 Close Escape 
 
 .. 46 
 
 169 
 
 Closer .. 
 
 .. 121 
 
 133 
 
 Cobbett, by himself 
 
 .. 63 
 
 120 
 
 Cogent Reason 
 
 .. M 
 
 89 
 
 Coleridge and Thel wall .. 
 
 .. 13 
 
 182 
 
 Coleridge and the Jews 
 
 1 
 
 90 
 
 Coleridge a Soldier 
 
 .. IM
 
 INDEX. 
 
 137 
 
 Cioleridge " aone ur . 
 Coleridge's "Watchman." .. 
 Collins and EUiston 
 Collins and the Critic 
 ColUns'a MarriQge 
 Collins'^ Skittle-player 
 Collins, the Poet . 
 Colman and Hook 
 Colonel Mellish 
 Common Case 
 Comparison 
 Compliment 
 Compliment to Royalty 
 Congreve Rockets 
 Consolation under Difficulues 
 Consultation of Physicians 
 Contest with Monkeys 
 Cool Hand • • . • •. 
 
 Cookery and Concentraaon > 
 Cool Retort 
 
 Cost of a Picture .. 
 
 Coughing Do\Tn .. 
 
 Cowper's Poems . . 
 
 Credit .. 
 
 Credit and Debt . . 
 
 Crime of being Young 
 
 Crockctttr • • ' ' ' ' 
 
 Crocodiles on the Missis^ippi 
 
 Cromwell 
 
 Cunning Astrologer 
 
 Core ana Kill 
 
 Cruel Oaso ■■ , 
 
 Cure for the Colic 
 
 Carious Epitaph . . 
 
 Curran and the Farmer . . 
 
 Curran's Gratitude 
 
 Curran's Law Library 
 
 Cutting an Acquaintance . . 
 
 Cutting Joke 
 
 Dainty Criminal .. 
 
 Dancing Archbishop 
 
 Dangerous Fools . . 
 
 Daniel Webster .. 
 
 Day too late 
 
 Deaf Lady 
 
 Dead Alive 
 
 Dear Meal • • • • _^ , ' ' 
 
 Death of Dr. Adam Clarke by Cho.era _^- 
 
 Death of the Duke oi Richmond from Hv dro-- ^ 
 
 phobia •• _ •• ■■ " ■ 
 
 Death of Kean, the Tragedian •• •• ^ 
 
 Death of Loid Bacon .. •• •• 
 
 Death of Sir John Moore at Conrnna ■• ^ 
 
 Death of Wilberforce •• •• " , 
 
 De Foe's Wit 
 Degrees of Beauty 
 
 Delicate Hint .. •• " " y 
 
 Delille's only Pun • • • • " ' , 
 
 Desired Eflfect . . • • • • ' ' , 
 
 Desperate Defence • • • • . f,\' 
 
 Dialogue in the Western Highlands of Scot- 
 land .. 
 Dilatory Inclinations 
 Dilemma 
 
 Dinde aux Tmffes •• •• .y^ 
 
 Dinner Invitations • • • • * 
 
 Dirty Judge 
 
 Dlsprover •■ •• "' g'f^' 
 
 Distinction 
 
 Distinctions of Dress 
 
 " Dl Tanti Palpiti " 
 
 Dolls' Eyes •• •• •' '' 
 
 Doncuster Races .. 
 
 "Double Times" .. •• •• |' 
 
 Dress and Merit • • 
 
 Dressing Asparagus 
 
 Drinking 
 
 Drinking alone -• •• •• '[ 
 
 DroU to order 
 
 39, 
 
 Dr. Harrington, of Bath .. 
 
 Dr. Parr 
 
 Dr. Parr at Whist •• •• 
 
 Dr. Williams and the Horse-eye Water 
 Dry Humour . . • • , .,• • tn-v- 
 
 Duel between Lord Mohuu and the Duke 
 
 Hamilton 
 Duke and the Hackney-coachman . . 
 
 Dull Man 
 
 Dumesnil at Acre . . • . 
 
 Dunning and Lord Mansfield 
 Dunning and Lord Thurlow 
 Dun Tricked 
 Dutchman's Testimony 
 Dutch News 
 Dyspepsy 
 
 Ear and Taste for Music .. 
 
 Early Profligacy 
 
 Easy Cure 
 
 Easy Remedy 
 
 Eating Fast 
 
 Eating Olives 
 
 Eating Pig 
 
 Eccentric Autograph 
 
 Eccentric Benevolence 
 
 Eccentric Humanity 
 
 Eccle>iastical Correction .. 
 
 Edmund Ivein's First Season 
 
 Edward Evt-relt .. 
 
 Effects of Drunkenness . . 
 
 Effect of Music . . • • 
 
 Electric Telegraph in England 
 
 Elliaton and George IV. . . 
 
 Emperor Saved .. •• 
 
 Encounter with a Boa-constrictor . 
 
 Enduring Grief of Widows 
 
 English Bulls 
 
 Epicures Tricked 
 
 Epicurism and Statesmanship 
 
 Error Corrected . . 
 
 Error in Persons . . • • 
 
 Errors of the Press, by a Reporter 
 
 Escape .. 
 
 Escape of Tom Paine 
 
 Est il Possible t ■• 
 
 Estimate of a Life 
 
 Eugene Aram 
 
 Exception .. „••,., 
 
 Execution of Sir Walter Raleigh 
 
 Explosion 
 
 Paae 
 .. 181 
 .. 1« 
 .. It 
 .. 166 
 .. 59 
 of 
 
 .. 1-55 
 
 .. 2 
 
 . . S6 
 
 .. 80 
 
 .. 134 
 
 .. 68 
 
 .. 129 
 
 .. 122 
 
 .. 45 
 
 .. 14 
 
 69, 162 
 .. 167 
 .. 5 
 .. 11 
 .. 54 
 .. 23 
 .. 140 
 .. 29 
 .. iro 
 
 .. 13 
 .. 58 
 .. 160 
 .. 118 
 .. 28 
 .. 118 
 .. 24 
 .. 37 
 .. 112 
 .. 91 
 .. 132 
 .. 122 
 .. 28 
 .. 63 
 .. 2 
 .. 17 
 .. 165 
 .. 39 
 .. 160 
 .. 102 
 .. 39 
 .. 139 
 .. 47 
 .. 79 
 .. 158 
 
 101 
 
 6.5 
 
 2 
 
 51 
 
 143 
 12 
 50 
 77 
 
 169 
 55 
 
 Fair Compliment . . 
 
 False Estimate .. 
 
 Familiar Blank Verse 
 
 Familiarity 
 
 Family Slaughter 
 
 Family Suit 
 
 " Farthing Jamie" 
 
 Fattening a Queen 
 
 FederofTs Steam-engine . . 
 
 Felicitous Looks .. 
 
 Fielding's "Tom Jones " . . 
 
 Fighting by Measure 
 
 Finding a Settler.. 
 
 Finding Money •• 
 
 First and best Bottle .. ■• 
 
 First Forged Bank of England Note 
 
 First London Banker 
 
 First Wagg<in and Post-Chaisea 
 
 Fishing for Company 
 
 Fives 
 
 Flatterers of Napoleon 
 
 Fleet Marriages .. ^^ •• ^ 
 
 Flight of the Princess Charlotte . . 
 
 Folly of Duelling.. 
 
 Foote'HQ;"anel vith the Duchess of Kir^ston ini 
 Foote's Wooden Leg .. •• • ^^ 
 
 Tootiana 
 
 113 
 47 
 3T 
 23 
 30 
 32 
 109 
 11 
 157 
 115 
 101 
 
 :,i 
 . 7 
 123
 
 188 
 
 iN])?:x. 
 
 fora of Habit •• 
 Forfiener's Blunders 
 Fox Y>irri 
 Frdiicn-EnKlish .. 
 Frank; !g Letters 
 Franklui's Grave 
 Free- Trade 
 Frent-li Enclish 
 French Linguage 
 French Plaj-biils 
 French Soup 
 Friendly Banter .. 
 FucUsia 
 
 Gainsborough's Pigs 
 
 Gil'ipot 
 
 Garth's Patients .. 
 
 Gauuinir 
 
 General Generalissimo 
 
 General Ripp 
 
 Geoige Bidder 
 
 George Caiman 
 
 (Je'iriie Colman's Wit 
 
 Geirpe II. and Girrick 
 
 Gorize II. and the Recorder 
 
 George III. and Joseph Lancaster 
 
 Gioige I\'. and his Architect 
 
 Giiorge Murland at Islington 
 
 German English .. 
 
 Ghost Puzzled 
 
 Gillray the Cdricatnrist 
 
 Gin Pdich at the Garrick .. 
 
 Goldsmith at Islington 
 
 Good Advice 
 
 Good Collector 
 
 Goiid Neighbours 
 
 Good Riddance 
 
 Good Rule 
 
 Good Wish 
 
 Gooseberry Champagne 
 
 Goo>eberries 
 
 Giiity Shoe 
 
 Governesses 
 
 Grace mal-apropos 
 
 Greenland Family 
 
 Gretna Customer .. 
 
 Growth of Felicity 
 
 Growth of Sentiment 
 
 Gutting the Fish 
 
 Page 
 1 
 
 .. 21 
 
 ,. 92 
 
 .. 22 
 
 .. 167 
 
 .. 1G5 
 
 .. 60 
 
 .. 9 
 
 .. 33 
 
 .. 48 
 
 .. 159 
 
 .. 21 
 
 .. 75 
 
 .. 73 
 
 .. 74 
 
 .. 105 
 
 .. 110 
 
 .. 107 
 
 .. 115 
 
 .. 76 
 
 .. 122 
 
 .. 117 
 
 .. 18 
 
 .. 137 
 
 .. 110 
 
 .. 89 
 
 .. 86 
 
 .. 39 
 
 .. .50 
 
 .. 120 
 
 .. 69 
 
 .. 150 
 
 .58, 92 
 
 .. 11 
 
 .. 68 
 
 .. 14 
 
 .. 160 
 
 .. 49 
 
 .. 27 
 
 .. 80 
 
 .. 38 
 
 .. 141 
 
 .. 14 
 
 . 3 
 
 .. 138 
 
 .. 12 
 
 .. 7 
 
 .. 107 
 
 Half-and-Half .. .. ... ..38 
 
 Half Justice .. .. .. ..154 
 
 Hall and Kippis .. . -- ..110 
 
 Hammersmith Ghost .. .. ..185 
 
 Handel and the Bishops .. .. ..67 
 
 Handel's Music .. .. .. ..124 
 
 Hang together .. .. .. ..8 
 
 Haopy Hit .. .. .. ..150 
 
 Happy Thought •• .. .. ..127 
 
 H ird Ca^e . . . . . . . . 49 
 
 Harlow's Picture of the " Trial of Queen 
 
 Katherine" .. .. .. ..121 
 
 Harlow's Si.,'n-Painting .. .. .. 143 
 
 Haydn's Rnzor Quartet •• .. -. 133 
 HavJon painting the "r.eform Banquet," m 
 
 1S32 .. .. .. .. .. 136 
 
 Head Wager .. .. .. ..166 
 
 Helps to Memory .. .. .. .. 49 
 
 Henry Erskiue . . . . . . . . 98 
 
 Heme's Oak .. .. .. .. 51 
 
 Herodotus every-day . . . . . . 1 1 
 
 High Character .. .. .. .. 132 
 
 High Knowledge .. .. ,. ..93 
 
 Highland Husband .. .. ..147 
 
 Highwayman .. .. .. ..34 
 
 Hint Taken .. .. .. .. 1G8 
 
 Hip, hip, hurra ! .. .. .. .. 125 
 
 Hippopotamus in the Zoological Society's Me- 
 nagerie, Regent's-park .. .. ..182 
 
 History of a Jewel .. ., ,, 181 
 
 Page 
 
 Hoaxing an Audience .. .. ..86 
 
 Hoaxing an Heir .. .. .. ..66 
 
 Honest Lawyer . . . . . . 34, 46 
 
 Honour .. . .. .. .. 142 
 
 Hood and Griraaldi .. .. ..76 
 
 Hook Answered .. .. ,. ..166 
 
 Hook at the AthcDceum Club .. ..162 
 
 Hook at Oxford .. .. .. .. 33 
 
 " Hope Told a nattering Tale " .. .. 125 
 
 Home Tcoke and Wilkes . . . . 20 
 
 Horse-dealing Trials ..62 
 
 Hot and Cold .. ... 2 
 
 How they bnild in New York . . . . 154 
 
 How to enjoy a Venison Feast . . . . 5 
 
 How to hear the Go.spel .. .. .. 132 
 
 How to .stop a runaway Horse .. ..81 
 
 How to win a Kingdom .. .. ..22 
 
 Huskiison and Free Trade . . . . 107 
 
 Ideas of Comfort .. .. .. ..48 
 
 Idea of Eteniity . . . . . . . . 7 
 
 Ignorance Bliss .. .. .. ..56 
 
 Illustration .. .. .. .-12 
 
 Immense Lens .. .. .. .. 157 
 
 Immense Trifling .. . ..34 
 
 Imperial Tokay .. .. .. ..25 
 
 In advertance and Epicurism .. ..16 
 
 Incident on the Ice .. .. .98 
 
 Indian Ghost Story .. .. ..49 
 
 Infancy of West, the Painter .. ..131 
 
 In geniou-f Defence .. .. .. 165 
 
 Ingratitude .. .. .. ..57 
 
 Inquisitiveness . .. .. .80 
 
 Intense Cold in Canada . . . . . . 73 
 
 Intense Effect .. .. .. ..105 
 
 Introducers of Foreign Trees into England . . 175 
 
 Invention of Sliot .. .. .. ..109 
 
 Inventor of the Jacquard Loom . . . . 28 
 
 Ireland's Shakespeare Forgeries .• •• 174 
 
 Irish Antiquities .. .. ..11 
 
 Irish Blunders .. .. .. 158 
 
 Irish Denial .. .. .. ..Ill 
 
 Irish Drinking .. .. .. .15 
 
 Irish Duelling .. .. .. .. 151 
 
 Irish Franking .. .. .. •• 179 
 
 Irish Skill .. .. .. .. 70 
 
 Irish Temperance . . . . . . I 
 
 Iron Mask .. .. .. ."^131 
 
 James Smith and Justice Holroyd .. 49 
 
 John Adams .. .. .. .. 105 
 
 Johnson and Foots . . . . ■ . 1 
 
 John Wesley and Adam Clark .. ..137 
 
 Joy of Grief .. .. .. .. 13 
 
 Katherine Hayes's Murder of her Husband.. 173 
 
 Kean's Impromptu .. .. .. 91 
 
 Kean'sLife .. .. .. ..41 
 
 Kean's Unfortunate Success .. ..134 
 
 Keeping Holidays .. .. ..5 
 
 Kemble and Listen .. .. ..84 
 
 Kenuey the Dramatist .. .. ..149 
 
 Kilkenny Cats .. .. .. ..184 
 
 " King Allen " and the Banker .. .. 135 
 
 King's Champion .. .. ..42 
 
 King of 'he Sandwich Islands .. .. 130 
 
 Kitchiner and Colman .. .. ..29 
 
 Kitty Clover .. .. .. ..93 
 
 Kneller's Painting .. .. ..115 
 
 Knighthood .. .. .. ..21 
 
 Lady and the Ambassador . . . . 18 
 
 Lady Drogheda and William Wycherly .. 144 
 
 Lady Hobart's Grace .. .. ..34 
 
 Lady Mary Honywood •• .. •• 133 
 
 Lamb and Erskine .. .. ..86 
 
 Lancashire Fight .. .. . .. 172 
 
 Land and Sea Fights .. .. ..9 
 
 Large and Small . . . . . 23 
 
 Last Farewell ^ .. .. ..1(6
 
 List Hours of the Poet Camcbell . . 
 
 ••Last War" 
 
 Late Discovery 
 
 Late to Dinner 
 
 Late Marriage 
 
 L-a-w •- 
 
 Lawful Ejectrr.ent 
 
 Law's Delay 
 
 Lawyers in America 
 
 Learninsf French .. 
 
 Learning Greeli . . 
 
 Lecal Adulteration 
 
 Legal Wit 
 
 Lending Money .. 
 
 Length of the Law 
 
 Lesson for a Governor 
 
 r.etter H 
 
 Life Insurance 
 
 ' ,incoln'8-lnn Dinners 
 
 Liqueurs 
 
 Lougest Lawsuit . . 
 
 Lont; Stories 
 
 Long Story 
 
 Long Pause 
 
 Long Yarns 
 
 Lord Bath 
 
 Lord Brougham .. 
 
 Lord Byron 
 
 Lord Byron's Plum-pudding' 
 
 Lord Castiireagh and the Irish Labourer 
 
 Lord Derwentwater's Head 
 
 Lord Dudley's Absence of Mind, and ■' Thiak- 
 
 iug nloud " 
 Lord Eldon and the Prince Regent 
 Lord Ellenborough's Powers of Ridicule 
 Lord Keeper EUesmere 
 Lord Loughborough and George III. 
 Lord North and Fox 
 Lord North asleep 
 Lord North's Drollery 
 Lord St. Vincent's Entrance Into the-. Navy 
 Losing Time ... 
 Loss of an Arm • • 
 Lost and Found . . 
 Lost Bank of England Notes 
 " Lost Luggage Office " of the North- Western 
 
 Railway 
 Lottery Ticket 
 Louis XIV and Cond^ 
 Louis XVI., by Chateaubriand 
 Love and Cookery 
 Love and Madness 
 " Love me, love my Dog" . . 
 Loyalist .. 
 Lucky Fellow 
 Lucky Escapes 
 Lucky Exchange . . 
 L :cky Sir Robert Strange .. 
 Ludicrous Blunders 
 Ludicrous Comparison 
 Ludicrous Scene . . 
 Luxurious Smoking 
 
 Madeira Wine 
 
 Magdulene 
 
 Magisterial Ignorance 
 
 Maid of Rouen 
 
 Making Champagne 
 
 Making it up 
 
 Make-weights 
 
 Man Traps 
 
 Marat, the French Reyolutionist 
 
 March of Intellect 
 
 Marmontel's Friends 
 
 Married Women . . 
 
 Marvel .. 
 
 Massillon's Preaching 
 
 Match for Abemethy 
 
 Mathematician's Hat 
 
 Mathews and the Silver Spoon 
 
 INDEX 189 
 
 Page 1 
 
 
 Page 
 
 . 27 [ 
 
 Mathews a Spanish Ambassador 
 
 • 119 
 
 . 69 1 
 
 Mathews in America 
 
 . 74 
 
 . 43 1 
 
 Mathews n.iscuided 
 
 . 56 
 
 . G i 
 
 Mayoralty Iteading 
 
 . 169 
 
 . 153 
 
 Mealy Pun 
 
 . 1.55 
 
 .. 64 
 
 MelodraiLatic Hit 
 
 . 101 
 
 .. 89 
 
 Melting of a Watch by Lightning .. 
 
 . 160 
 
 23, 40 
 
 Mermaid of 1822 .. 
 
 . 114 
 
 .. 37 
 
 Micha'jl Angelo's Nose 
 
 . 64 
 
 .. 105 
 
 Michael faraday . . 
 
 . 36 
 
 .. 2 
 
 Mileaiau Advice . . 
 
 . 21 
 
 .. 114 
 
 Minor Grecians .. 
 
 . 42 
 
 .. 143 
 
 Miracle .. 
 
 . 151 
 
 .. 133 
 
 Miracle solved 
 
 . 1.56 
 
 .. 30 
 
 Mis-Deal 
 
 . 128 
 
 .. 72 
 
 Miseries of Retirement 
 
 . 20 
 
 .. 27 
 
 Miser's Charity .. 
 
 . 6 
 
 .. 29 
 
 Miss Burdett Coutts' Fortune 
 
 . 79 
 
 .. 32 
 
 Mistake .. .. 7, 54, 64, 147 
 
 .. 27 
 
 Mistakes about C'ffee 
 
 . 26 
 
 .. 9 
 
 Moliere's Physician 
 
 3 
 
 .. 23 
 
 Monk Ltwis's Play of the "Castle Spectre" 
 
 . 42 
 
 .. 113 
 
 Morland's Secret .. 
 
 . 89 
 
 .. 14** 
 
 Mosquito Story .. 
 
 . 83 
 
 .. 12 
 
 Motlier Ttngae .. 
 
 . 152 
 
 .. 127 
 
 Mountebank of Last Century 
 
 . 101 
 
 .. 39 
 
 Mozart and the Orchestra . . 
 
 . 73 
 
 .. 147 
 
 Mrs. liowe and her absent Husband 
 
 . 149 
 
 .. 24 
 
 Mrs. Trollope's Conversations with an Ameri- 
 
 .. 31 
 
 can Woman 
 
 . Ill 
 
 .. 137 
 
 Mr. Tiemey's Humour 
 
 . 81 
 
 k- 
 
 Munchausen Story 
 
 . 54 
 
 .. 152 
 
 Murderer Discovered 
 
 . 146 
 
 .. 103 
 .. 43 
 
 .. 90 
 
 Music, Extraordinary Transposition in 
 
 . 171 
 
 Narrow Escape . . 
 
 , 68 
 
 .. 164 
 
 Narrow Escape of Lord Castlereagh 
 
 . 20 
 
 .. 22 
 
 N jmes of Provisions 
 
 . 184 
 
 .. 76 
 
 Napo'eon and Fouchd 
 
 . 29 
 
 .. 82 
 
 Napoleon's Boulogne Flotilla 
 
 . 63 
 
 .. 44 
 
 Napoleon's Escape from Elba, in 18U 
 
 . 117 
 
 .. 6 
 
 N.ipoleon's Savagery 
 
 . 64 
 
 .. 18 
 
 Nipoleoii's Willow 
 
 . 48 
 
 .. 103 
 
 National Absurdities 
 
 . 128 
 
 .. 30 
 
 National Anthem.. 
 
 . 41 
 
 rn 
 
 National Vanity .. 
 
 . 23 
 
 .. 10 
 
 Nature and Art .. 
 
 . 17 
 
 .. 130 
 
 Nautical Sermon . . 
 
 . 94 
 
 .. 33 
 
 Negro Funeral 
 
 . 65 
 
 .. 93 
 
 Nelson and Beckford 
 
 . 166 
 
 .. lOS 
 
 Newspaper Stamp 
 
 . 71 
 
 .. 1-26 
 
 " Nice to a Shaving" 
 
 . 143 
 
 .. 116 
 
 Nicknames 
 
 . 113 
 
 .. 154 
 
 Niggers Idea of the Electric Telegraph 
 
 . 84 
 
 .. 185 
 
 Night's Rest 
 
 . 14 
 
 .. 84 
 
 No bad Rile 
 
 . 21 
 
 .. 134 
 
 Niibles of Johanna 
 
 . 124 
 
 .. 29 
 
 Noble Sport 
 
 . 1.50 
 
 .. 46 
 
 Ni) Judge 
 
 . 54 
 
 .. 192 
 
 Notes at an Inn .. 
 
 . 173 
 
 .. 71 
 
 Nothing Impossible 
 
 . 148 
 
 .. -20 
 
 Notions of Antiquity 
 
 8 
 
 
 Novel Pickpockets 
 
 . 31 
 
 .. ^3 
 
 .. l.iS 
 . . Ii5 
 
 Nuisance 
 
 . 15 
 
 Obstinacy in Argument .. 
 
 . 40 
 
 .. «5 
 
 Obstinate Critter .. 
 
 . 18 
 
 6 
 
 Odd Coraparibon . . 
 
 . 149 
 
 .. 37 
 
 Odd Complaint .. 
 
 . 61 
 
 .. 15 
 
 Odd Evidence 
 
 . 152 
 
 .. 131 
 
 Odd Foresight .. 
 
 i 
 
 .. 83 
 
 Odd Housekeeping 
 
 . 39 
 
 I, 16 
 
 Odd Humour 
 
 . 59 
 
 .. 127 
 
 Odd Justice .. .. 
 
 . 139 
 
 .. 19 
 
 Odd Race 
 
 . 14 
 
 .. 86 
 
 Odd Reason 
 
 . 17 
 
 .. 56 
 
 Odd Trick 
 
 . 31 
 
 .. 95 
 
 Old Jests 
 
 . 9T 
 
 .. 90 
 
 Old Soldier 
 
 . 153 
 
 .. 52 
 
 ; OldSquibf 
 
 . 124
 
 uo 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Old Pobo, the Negro 
 
 Omelette and Longevity . . 
 
 Omens .. 
 
 Omnibus Trick 
 
 One Eye 
 
 Opera- House Speculation .. 
 
 Origin of Bottled Ale 
 
 Origin of "Jim Crow" 
 
 Origin of the " Beggar's Opera" 
 
 Orig-n of the Burning of Moscow .. 
 
 Origin of the Home of Russell 
 
 Origin of Parson Adams .. 
 
 Origin of Post paid Envelopes 
 
 Origin of Reflecting Lighthouses . . 
 
 Outwitting 
 
 Pains and Toils of Author^ip 
 
 Paley 
 
 Paley's Sermons . . 
 
 Panic at New York 
 
 Paradise 
 
 Parliamentary Reporting .. 
 
 Parliamentrir>' Reprimand 
 
 Parsimony rf N'Uekens .. 
 
 Partition of Poland .. .. 
 
 Patg d' Amour 
 
 Patriarchal Chambennaid 
 
 Patrick Henry, the American Orator 
 
 Patriotism Impromptu 
 
 Patronage of Authors 
 
 Pet Animals 
 
 Pickpocketing 
 
 " Pickwiik Papers" 
 
 Piece of Plate 
 
 Piercing Reproof .. 
 
 Piper's Curse 
 
 Pitt and Dundas .. 
 
 Plain Language .. 
 
 Plain People 
 
 Pleasant Deserts .. 
 
 Pleasant Message 
 
 Pleasures of a Crowd 
 
 Pleasures of the Table 
 
 Plurality of Wives 
 
 PoeHc Will 
 
 Poetry and Gardening 
 
 P03ts in a Puzzle 
 
 Poet Waller 
 
 Poisoned Beauty .. 
 
 Polite Correction 
 
 Polite Evidence .. 
 
 Politeness of George IV. .. 
 
 Political Corruption 
 
 Political Integrity 
 
 Political Gunpowder 
 
 Political Sinecure 
 
 Poor-man -of mutton 
 
 Pope on Royalty . . 
 
 Portrait of Napoleon 
 
 Port Wine and Paralysis . . 
 
 Poser 
 
 Postscripts .. .. ■ .. 
 
 Powers .. .. .. .. 
 
 Practical Definition 
 
 Practical Retort .. 
 
 Practical Wit 
 
 Praying for a Partner .. .. 
 
 Preaching to the Poor 
 
 Presentiment of Death 
 
 Price of Possessions 
 
 Princely " Bespeak " 
 
 Pride of Ancestry 
 
 Prince Louis Napoleon's Descent upon Bou- 
 logne .. 
 
 Prince Louis Napoleon's Descent upon Stras- 
 bourg .. 
 
 Printers' Blunders 
 
 Profitable Juggling 
 
 Profit and Loss .. ., 
 
 Promising Toast .. 
 
 Page 
 
 
 Page 
 
 .. 115 
 
 Proper Fortune .. 
 
 .. 25 
 
 .. 25 
 
 Prophecy Fulfilled 
 
 .. 22 
 
 .. 138 
 
 Prophecy of Spectres „ 
 
 .. )U 
 
 .. 6'^ 
 
 Proud Duke of Somerset .. 
 
 .. 14(> 
 
 .. 138 
 
 Proud Heart 
 
 .. 101 
 
 .. 170 
 
 1 Prudent Choice .. 
 
 .. 118 
 
 .. 11 
 
 Prudential Consideration .. 
 
 9 
 
 .. 8 
 
 1 Public Accounts . . 
 
 .. 142 
 
 .. 106 
 
 Pulteney Guinea .. 
 
 .. 60 
 
 .. 69 
 
 Puns by George IV. 
 
 .. 146 
 
 .. 141 
 
 Pun of a Dish 
 
 .. 29 
 
 .. 99 
 
 Punster .. 
 
 .. 166 
 
 .. 47 
 
 Pythagoreans 
 
 .. 30 
 
 .. 164 
 
 
 
 .. 139 
 
 "Quasi" 
 
 .. 77 
 
 
 Queen Victoria and the Page 
 
 . . 36 
 
 .. 178 
 
 Queen Victoria and the Parrot 
 
 .. 45 
 
 .. 155 
 
 Qneer Heraldry .. 
 
 .. 116 
 
 .. 165 
 
 Queer Specimens of Honour 
 
 .. 156 
 
 .. 34 
 
 Question Settled . . 
 
 . 77 
 
 .. 127 
 
 Quick, the Actor . . 
 
 .. 76 
 
 .. 129 
 
 Quid pro Quo . . . . a. 
 
 40, 50, 87, 135 
 
 .. 57 
 
 Quiet Theft 
 
 .. 18 
 
 .. 57 
 
 
 
 .. 62 
 
 Rare Virtue 
 
 .. 137 
 
 ,. 2 
 
 Rats stealing Eggs 
 
 .. 81 
 
 .. 57 
 
 Rattlesnake 
 
 .. 88 
 
 .. 100 
 
 Reading the Newspaper in the Olden Titae . . 85 
 
 .. 83 
 
 Ready Answer 
 
 .. 38, 58, 104 
 
 .. 110 
 
 Real Poverty 
 
 .. 15 
 
 .. 6 
 
 Real Tragedy 
 
 .. 97 
 
 .. 82 
 
 Reason .. 
 
 ..106, no, 161 
 
 .. 43 
 
 Reasonable Fellow 
 
 .. 21 
 
 .. 22 
 
 Rebel Lords 
 
 .. 14 
 
 .. 29 
 
 Rebuke .. 
 
 .. 102 
 
 .. 134 
 
 Recollection of Milton 
 
 .. 79 
 
 .. I'iS 
 
 Red- post Squire .. 
 
 . 71 
 
 .. 133 
 
 Regality of Genius 
 
 .. 69 
 
 .. 29 
 
 " Rejected Addresses " 
 
 .. 40 
 
 .. 7 
 
 Resemblance 
 
 .. 115 
 
 .. 61 
 
 Respect for Unprotected Property 
 
 .. 130 
 
 .. 30 
 
 Restoration 
 
 .. 73 
 
 9 
 
 Resurrectionist Broil 
 
 .57 
 
 .. 61 
 
 Retort Lie 
 
 .. 16 
 
 .. 150 
 
 Revolutionary Relation 
 
 , 161 
 
 .. 17 
 
 Richmond Hoax . . 
 
 .. 51 
 
 .. 60 
 
 Riding .. 
 
 .. 168 
 
 .. 154 
 
 Right Organ 
 
 .. 18. 
 
 .. 129 
 
 Right to a Crack . . 
 
 .. 6 
 
 . 38 
 
 Rival Bass Singers 
 
 .. 43 
 
 .. 13 
 
 Roast Pig 
 
 .. 143 
 
 . 168 
 
 Rossini and Bishop 
 
 .. 147 
 
 .. 51 
 
 Rouge .. 
 
 .. 80 
 
 .. 134 
 
 Rousseau's Troubles 
 
 .. 148 
 
 .. 12 
 
 Royal Blunder 
 
 .. 17 
 
 .. 50 
 
 Royal Matchmaking 
 
 .. 122 
 
 .. 62 
 
 Royal Opinion 
 
 .33 
 
 .. 128 
 
 Royal Pun 
 
 .. 138 
 
 . 73 
 
 Royal Repartee . . 
 
 .. 162 
 
 . 126 
 
 Royal Residences 
 
 . 169 
 
 49,55 
 
 Royal Speech by Candlelight 
 
 . 159 
 
 . 153 
 
 Royal Wig 
 
 .. 165 
 
 .. 46 
 
 Rubens and the Lion 
 
 .. 48 
 
 .. 56 
 
 Rnffs and Reeves 
 
 .. IGO 
 
 .. 139 
 
 Ruling Passion 
 
 8, 45, 57 
 
 .. 5 
 
 Rum and Water .. 
 
 .. 85 
 
 .. 14 
 
 Runs upon the Bank of England 
 
 .. 38 
 
 .. 25 
 
 . 74 
 
 .. 169 
 
 Rtistic Ignorance .. 
 
 .. 93 
 
 Safe Division 
 
 .. 16 
 
 .. 6 
 
 Sife Ministry 
 
 .. 167 
 
 .. 82 
 
 Sagacity of a 'Vig.. 
 
 •• 64 
 
 
 Sagacity of . 
 
 .. 162 
 
 . 108 
 
 Sailor and Bull .. 
 
 .. 80 
 
 
 Sailor and the Actress 
 
 .. 58 
 
 . 103 
 
 Sailors .. 
 
 .. 49 
 
 . 21 
 
 Salisbury Cathedral Spire.. 
 
 .. 21 
 
 .. 103 
 
 Sang Froid 
 
 .. 103 
 
 .. 3 
 
 Sapient Lord Mayor 
 
 . . 7-'» 
 
 . 1€9 
 
 Satisfaction 
 
 . 3s
 
 INDEX. 
 
 tVi 
 
 Pase 
 
 , loS 
 
 9 
 
 . 142 
 
 . ^fyi 
 
 . 163 
 
 . 1G3 
 
 . IT) 
 
 . 70 
 
 Scarlet Fever 
 
 School Discipue ■ • 
 
 Scolding Wif 
 
 "Scratch" •• •• „ •• 
 
 Sea-Serpentoff the American Coast 
 
 Sea-Serpen off the Western Islands 
 
 Seeking a 'lace •• 
 
 Self Devonon and Cookery . . 
 
 Septembe: Maswcres of the French Bevom- 
 
 tionofl7» •• •• •• •• j2-3 
 
 Settler .. *»• 167 
 
 Settling a Question .. •• .. 3o 
 
 ShariiSliot ,- •• •• .. 3i 
 
 SherVUn and the Playwright .. .. 159 
 
 Sheri ian Cimvivial .. •• ■■ 53 
 
 Sheridan's Distresses . . • • . . 68 
 
 Sheridan's Payment .. ■• ..6 
 
 Siieridan'8 " Pizarro" •• •• ..33 
 
 -'fceridan's Wit .. .. •• ..144 
 
 Shipping the Indian Mail at Southampton .. 184 
 
 Sidney Smith .. ■• •• ..171 
 
 S;c?eof Acre.in 1840 .. .. .. 113 
 
 . Sieve of a Man . . • • • ■ • • 3 
 
 I Sight-seeing .• •. •• ..63 
 
 'Silent Woman .. •• ..40 
 
 Silk qown .. •• •• ..50 
 
 Simile .. .. •• •• •• 9 
 
 Singular Presentiment .. .. ..2 
 
 Sir Astley Cooper .• .. ..112 
 
 Sir Humphrey Davy . . . . . . 22 
 
 Sir James Mackintosh .. .. ..3 
 
 Sir James Mackintosh at Bombay . . . . 52 
 
 Sir Joseph Banks's Balance .. ..160 
 
 Sir Walter Scott and Consta'jle .. ..31 
 
 Sleeping round . . . . . . . . 7 
 
 Sleep-walking .. .. .. ..77 
 
 Sleepy Government . . . . . . 83 
 
 Slight Circumitanccs .. .. .. 13 
 
 Small Glass .. .. .. .. .30 
 
 Small Service . . . . . . . . 62 
 
 Smoking Manners . . . . . . 3 
 
 Smoking .. .. .. .. hr> 
 
 Smoking CIu'j . . . . . . . . 54 
 
 Smoking Oddiry .. .. ..31 
 
 Smollett's " Hugh Strap" .. ..173 
 
 Snail Dinner .. .. ..161 
 
 Snake Story .. .. ..141 
 
 Snoring .. .. .. .. ..78 
 
 Y Snuff-Eos .. .. .. .. 85 
 
 Snulf-Jiking .. .. .. ..26 
 
 Social Changes .. ., .. .. 192 
 
 Soldier's Appeal .. .. .. ..MO 
 
 Solecism.. .. .. .. ..54 
 
 S.'leeisin in Manners .. .. ..2 
 
 Solomon's Temple .. .. ..17 
 
 Somerset H )U3e and Lord Nelson . . . . 109 
 
 Sonnet on Steam .. .. ..79 
 
 Sound .. •• . .. ..72 
 
 Spectator .. .. .. ..132 
 
 •y 'cial Pleading .. .. .. .. 3G 
 
 !>plrited Reply .. .. ., ..101 
 
 Spoiling a .Story .. .. ,. .. 148 
 
 Stage Clnnders .. .. .. .20 
 
 Stago-Coaches cf bygone Days .. ..85 
 
 Stage Effect .. .. .. ..90 
 
 Stale Lobster .. .. .. .138 
 
 Stammering .. .. .. ..36 
 
 Statistics of Bachelorism .. .• ..171 
 
 Stealing the Word . . . . . . 94 
 
 Steam-boat Racing .. .. ..168 
 
 Stolen Bank-notes . . . ' " , . . 27 
 
 Story of a Cavalier . . . . ' . . 46 
 
 Story of a Magnolia .. .. ..177 
 
 Story of the Poet Lovelace .. ..176 
 
 Strawberry .. .. . ..61 
 
 Striking Reproof . . . . . . . . 26 
 
 Sublime aud Ridiculous . . . . . . 85 
 
 Successful Tact .. .. . .26 
 
 Sudden Deaths on the Stage .. ..94 
 
 Suet's Landlady .. .. .. .. 71 
 
 Suggestion 
 Summary Decision 
 Swallowing a Writ 
 Swallowing Knives 
 Sweet Reproof .. 
 Swelled Ankles at a Discount 
 Swift and the Bishop of KUmore 
 Swift's Loves 
 
 Taking Wine 
 
 Talent not Hereditary 
 
 Tallerand's Promise 
 
 Talleyrand's Versaiilit}' .. 
 
 Talleyrand's Wit 
 
 Taste for Music . . 
 
 Teaching the Young Idea 
 
 Tea in Scotland . . 
 
 Teetotaller outwitted 
 
 Telegraphic Blunder 
 
 Telling one's Age 
 
 Temperance Cruets 
 
 Temperance Preachers 
 
 " That's the Allegory " 
 
 Theatrical Wit .. 
 
 There and Back again . . • 
 
 " There's a Language that's mute" 
 
 Thlstlewood, the Traitor . . 
 
 Three Reasons 
 
 Thurlow aud Pitt 
 
 Tide to Fortune . . 
 
 " Tipping the Cold Shoulder" 
 
 Toast of a Scotch Peer 
 
 Tom DilKlin and lie Lozenge 
 
 TomHiU 
 
 Tom Sheridan out Shootiug 
 
 Too late at Church 
 
 Top and Bottom 
 
 Topham, the strong Man of Isli;jgton 
 
 True Consolation 
 
 Tradd against Land 
 
 Trafalgar 
 
 Tragedy MS. 
 
 Travell-r Nonplussed 
 
 Travelling in Franca 
 
 Trial by JJattle .. 
 
 Triumphant Retort ■ .. 
 
 True Bill 
 
 True Consolatior. 
 
 True Generosity . . 
 
 True Philosophy 
 
 True Politeness .. 
 
 Ti-ne to the Text 
 
 True Valour 
 
 Tuniing the Grindstone .. 
 
 Turning the Tabies 
 
 Turnpike Roads e. Railways 
 
 Tarpin's Sang Froid 
 
 Turtle Soup 
 
 Twofold Illustration 
 
 Two Friends 
 
 Two Legs 
 
 Two Robins 
 
 Two Smiths 
 
 Two Turbots 
 
 Two Watches 
 
 Tycho Brahe's Love of the MBrveUons 
 
 Tycho Brahe's Nose 
 
 Ty rolese Bravery . . 
 
 Ultimatum 
 
 Umhrellas 
 
 Unfair Advantace . . 
 
 Unfortnnato Compiirisou . . 
 
 Unfortunate Heiemblanc.'. .. " ,. 
 
 Union of Literary Compositions 
 
 Unlucky Text 
 
 Unparalleled Parsimony .. 
 
 Unreasonable Horse 
 
 Unwelcome Title . . 
 
 Utility of Aim on ftcka 
 
 Page 
 
 . 79 
 
 . 9 
 
 . 21 
 
 ,. 14') 
 
 ,. 162 
 
 .. 145 
 
 .. 80 
 
 .. 1.74 
 
 .. 24 
 
 .. 106 
 
 .. 52 
 
 .. 14 i 
 
 .. 81 
 
 .. 35 
 
 .. 131 
 
 .. 13 
 
 .. 52 
 
 .. 84 
 
 .. 23 
 
 .. 15 
 
 .. 48 
 
 .. 93 
 
 .. 109 
 
 .. 101 
 
 .. 30 
 
 .. 90 
 
 .. 144 
 
 .. 65 
 
 .. 102 
 
 . 55 
 
 .. 80 
 
 .. 52 
 
 .. 122 
 
 .. 19 
 
 .. 139 
 
 .. 51 
 
 .. 87 
 
 .. 30 
 
 .. 93 
 
 .. 109 
 
 .. 46 
 
 .. 146 
 
 .. 107 
 
 .. Ill 
 
 .. 132 
 
 .. 146 
 
 . . 30 
 
 .. 10 
 
 .. 10 
 
 .. 113 
 
 .. 33 
 
 .. 115 
 
 .. 120 
 
 .. 39 
 4 
 
 .. 149 
 
 .. 61 
 
 no 
 
 4y 
 
 177 
 
 4s 
 
 51 
 
 13 
 
 121 
 
 1 16 
 
 HI 
 
 40, 
 
 14 
 
 130 
 
 5 
 
 26 
 
 41 
 2 
 
 79 
 1.50 
 
 99 
 142 
 
 65
 
 192 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Valne of Applause ' .. 
 Vails to Servants . . 
 Venl Dinner 
 Veteran Kolomheski 
 Vi-teran.— The War Medal, 1842 
 Very like each other 
 Vicissitudes of Mining 
 Victor Hugo 
 Vulgarity 
 
 Walpoliana 
 
 Warm Wish 
 
 Witerlof) L?tters 
 
 Waterloo Medal .. 
 
 Way of the World 
 
 Way to win a Kiss 
 
 Wellington at Waterloo 
 
 Wellington 'Surprised 
 
 Wesleysand WelleMeys 
 
 " What a dirty Shirt you have on" . . 
 
 "What a shocking bad Hat you've got" 
 
 ■"'hat is a Gentlemm ? 
 
 W hat 's to be done ? 
 
 What was a Pound In a.d. 1000 ? . . 
 
 Whist .. .«. 
 
 Whist-PUying 
 
 Whi'sHe 
 
 Who'« the Fool . . 
 
 Wiio'sWho? 
 
 Page 
 
 5 
 
 Wife's Chance .. .. \ 
 
 Page 
 
 55 
 
 17 
 
 Wig Riot ... .. V 
 
 26 
 
 31 
 
 Wilberforce's early Life .. \ 
 
 !! 99 
 
 175 
 
 Wilkei' and Sir William Stanes .\ 
 
 .. 14 
 
 183 
 
 Wilkes's ready Reply .. .1 
 
 ..50 
 
 133 
 
 Wilkes's Tergiversation . . , A 
 
 .. 18 
 
 32 
 
 Wilkes upon Johnson .. '\ 
 
 .. 58 
 
 17 
 
 Wilkes's Wit . . . . . " \ 
 
 .. 83 
 
 GO 
 
 Wilkie'b Pictures 
 
 89 
 
 
 Wilkie's Simplicity 
 
 '. '. 9t". 
 
 135 
 
 Wine 
 
 76 
 
 57 
 
 Wine and Water 
 
 :: 8, \ 
 
 .. 167 ' 
 
 37 
 
 Witchcraft 
 
 it;i 
 
 Witness Awake .. 
 
 ., 48 
 
 70 
 
 Wit of Sir William Scott (Lord Stowell) 
 
 .. 164 
 
 54 
 
 Wit Oatwifed .. 
 
 .. \48 
 
 32 
 
 Witty Perversion 
 
 ..38 
 
 67 
 
 Wool Ga'hering .. 
 
 . 123 
 
 153 
 
 Write Plain 
 
 .. •■>■ 
 
 37 
 
 Writing for the St<!ga 
 
 7 
 
 95 
 
 Writing Treason .. 
 
 .. 2J 
 
 14 
 
 Wrong Diy 
 
 .. 5^ 
 
 78 
 
 Wrong Leg 
 
 .. si i 
 
 185 ' 
 
 
 ^1 
 
 , im 
 
 Yorkshire Fun 
 
 .. 141 1 
 
 16 
 
 Yellow Coat 
 
 .. 100 1 
 
 11 
 
 Young and Old .. 
 
 .160 1 
 
 114 
 
 
 'l 
 
 ', 61 , 
 
 Zummerzetshire .. 
 
 .. 40 j 
 
 LACONICS, BY THE REV. SYDNEY SMITH. 
 (See Portrait in Title-page.) 
 
 Dangerous Fooi^. — ^f men are to be fools, it were better that they were fools in little 
 matters than in great; dulness turned up with temerity is a liverj- all the worse for the 
 facings ; and the most tremendous of all things is the magnanimity of a dunce. 
 
 Social Changes. — There is not one single source of human happiness against which 
 there have not been uttered the most lugubrious predictions. Tu'n pike roads, navigable 
 canals, inoculation, hops, tobacco, the Reformation, the Revulution. There are always a set 
 of worthy and moderately -gifted men, who bawl out death and ruin upon every valuable 
 change which tlie varying aspect of human affairs absolutely and imperiouslj' requires. It 
 would be extremely useful to make a collection of the hatred and abuse that all those < 
 shanges liave experienced, which are now admitted to be marked improvements in our con- 
 dition. Such ai history might make folly a little more modest, and suspicious of its own 
 decisions. i 
 
 LuDTCRous Comparison. — The Rev. Sydney Smith, comparing Mr. Canning in office to a 
 fly in amber, says: — " Nobody cares about the fly : tho only question is. How the devil did it 
 get there 1 Nor do I attack him from the love of i;li)ry, but from the love of utility, as a burgo- 
 master hunts a rat in a Dutch djke, for fear it should flood a province. When he is jocula^ 
 he is strong; when he is serious he is like Sampsun in a wig. Call him a legislator, ? 
 reasoner, and the conductor of the affairs of a great nation, and it seems to me as absurd ai 
 if a butterfly were to teach bees to make honey. That he is an extraordii ary writer of smal 
 poetry, and a diner-out of the highest lustre, I do most readilj' admit. After George Selwyn, 
 and perhaps Tickell, there has been no such man for this last half- century." 
 
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