University of California • Berkeley Vaifiv??^ o7't/i^/ia A/^Jr////^ THE Three Celebrated PLAYS Of that Excellent Poet BEN JOHNSON. V I z. The Fox, a Comedy. The Alchymist, a Comedy. The Silent Woman, a Comedy. To which is added, A complcat Catalogue of all the Plays that were ever prmted in the Englijb Language, to the Year 17^2,. LONDON, Printed for W. Fe ales at Rowers Head, ovcr- againft CUment^S'lnn Gate. Where may be had Variety of P t a v s. V LT N E: OR, THE F O X COMEDY, jFirft Afted in the Year 1605. By the King's Majefty's Servants. W I T H T H X Allowance of the Mafter of Revels. The Author B. J. Simul ^ jucunda^ ^ idonea die ere vifa. Horat. LONDON: Printed for [?. Walthoe, G. Conyers, J, Xnapton, R. Knap- lock^ D. Midwinter and ji. Ward, A. Bettefxvorth and C. Hitch, B, Lintot, J* Ton forty W. Innys, J. Osborn and T. Longman, R. Robinfon, T. Wotton, and B. Motte : And fold by W. Feales, at Rowe's Head, over-againft Clement'' s- Inn Gate, 1732. The PERSONS of the PLAY. Volpone, a Magn'ifico Mofca, hisParafae. Voltore, an^dvocate. Coraccio, anold Gentleman. Corvino, a Merchant. Ayocuotiffour Magijlrates* Notario, the Regijier, Nano, a Dwarf. Caftrone, an Eunuch, Politick Would-be,« Knight. Peregrine, a Gent. Traveller, Bonario, a yonng Gentleman, Vj R E G E. Jlne Madam Would-be, the Knight's Wife, Celia, the Merchant's Wife, Commandadori, Officers, Mercatori, three Merchants. Androgyne, a Hermaphrodite, Servitore, a- Servant » Women* ^e SCENE, VENICE. The Principal Comoedians were, KIC. BURBADGE, HkN. CONDEL. WJL, SLT. J OH. HB MINGS, J OH. LOW IN. ALEX. COOKE, VOLTONE VO LTO N E: OR, THE FOX The Argument. V olpone, Chlidlefs, Rich, feigns Sick, Defpairs, O ffers his State to Hopes cffeveral Heirs, L ies languijlnng : His Parafite receives V^refentsofall, alfures, deludes; then weaves O ther crofs Plots, which op* them/elves,, are told, "^ N ew Tricks for fafety are fought; they thrive: When^ E ach tempts the other again, and all are fold, {bold,^ PROLOGUE NO W, Luck yet fend us, and a little Wit Will ferve, to make our Play hit ; {According to the Palates of the Seafon) Here is Rhyme, not empty of Reafon. This we were bid to credit, from our Poet, Whofe true Scope, if you wou'd know it^ In all his Poems ftill hath been this Meafure, To mix Profit vjith your Pleafure ; jind not as fome (vjhofe Throats their Envy failing) Cry hoar fly, All he writes is Railing : A 7. JLni. 4 VOLPONE:Gr, AndyWhen his Plays come forth, think the'^ can't fiout them, With faying. He was a Tear about them. To thefe there needs no Lie,, but this his Creature, Which vjas two Months fmce no Feature 5 jind, though he dares give them five Lives to mend it, ' Tis known. Five Weeks fully penn'd it j From his own Hand, without a Co-adjutor, Novice, journey-men, or Tutor. Tet thU'S m'fch I can guve you, as a Token, Of his Plays worth. No Eggs are broken. Nor quaking Cuftards with fierce Teeth affrighted, ^''herewith your Rout arefo delighted j Nor hales he in a Gull, old Ends reciting. To flop Gaps in his loofe Writing ; With fuch a deal of monflrous and forced Action, As might make Beth'lem a Faction : Nor made he his flay for J-eftsfiol'n from each Tab'k, But makes Jefis to fit his Fable ; And fo prefents quick Comedy Refined, As befi Criticks have defigned : The Laws of Time, Place, Perfons he ohferveth. From no needful Rule he fwerveth. All Gall and Copprefs from his Ink he draineth. Only a little Salt remaineth. Wherewith he'll Rub your Cheeks, till (Rid with Laughter) They Jl) all look frejh a Week after. ACTL SCENE I. Volpone, Mofca. Tel. /^^ O O D Morning to the Day ; and nex^r, my Gold : VJ Open the Shrine, that I may fee my Sainr. Hail the World's Soul, and mine ! More glad thaji is The teeming Earth to fee the long'd-for Sun IPeep through the Horns of the Coeleftial Ram, Ami, to view thy Splendor, dark'ning hisj That lying here, amongft my other Hoards, Shew'ft like a Flame by Night, or like the Day Struck out o^ Chaos when all Darknefs fled • Unto The FOX. f Unto the Center. O thou Son of SoU (But brighter than thy Father) letmekifs, Wirh Adoration, thee, and every Relick Of facred Treafure in this blefTed Room. Well did wife Poets by thy glorious Name Title that Age which they would have the beft ; Thou being the beft of Things, and far tranfcending All Style of Joy, in Children, Parents, Friends, Or any other waking Dream on Earth. Thy Looks when they to Vinm did afcribe, They fhould have given her twenty Thoufand Cupids 3 Such are thy Beauties and our Loves ! Dear Saint, Riches, the dumb God, that giv'ft all Men Tongues, That can'ft do naught, and yet mak'ft MendoallThint^s; The Price of Souls j even Hell, with thee to boor. Is made worth Heav'n. Thouart Virtue, Fame, Honour, and all things elfe. Who can get thee, HefhallbeNoble, Valiant, Honed, Wife Mo[. And what hewill, Sir. Riches are in Fortune A greater Good, than Wifdom is in Nature. Vol, True, my beloved iVfo/J:4. Yetlglory^ More in the cunning Purchafe of my Wealth, Than in the glad PofTeffion, fince I gain No common wayj I ufe no Trade, no Venture j I wound on Earth with Plow-fliares, IfatnoBeafls To feed ilie Shambles : have no Mills for Iron, Oil, Corn, or Men, to grind 'em into Powder } I blow no fubtil Glafs, expofe no Ships ToThreatnings of the furrow- faced Sea j I turn no Monies in the Publlck Bank, Nor Ufure Private. Mof, No, Sir, nor devour Soft Prodigal 5. You fhall ha' fome will fwallow A melting Heir as glibly as yourDz/rc^ Will Pills of Butter, and ne'er purge for't j Tear forth the Fathers of poor Families Out of their Beds, and CofHn them alive In fome kind clafping Prifon, where their Bones May be forth-coming, when the Fiefh is rotten : But your fweet Nature doth abhor thefe Courfes } You loath the Widows or the Orphans Tears A 3 Should 6 V O L P O N E ; Or, Should wafli your Pavements, or their piteous Cries Ring in your Roofs, and beat the Air for Vengeance. Vol, Right, Mofca, 1 do loath it. Mof. And befidcSsSir, You are not like a Thrcflier that doth ftand With a huge Flail, watching a Heap of Corn, And, hun-gry, dares not tafte the fmalleft Grain, But feeds on Mallows, and fuch bitter Herbs j Nor like the Merchant, who hath fiU'd his Vaulcs Wnh Rotnagma, and rich CandianWmcs, "Yet drinks the Lees of Lombards Vinegar : You will not lie in Straw, whilft Moths and WormS^ Feed onyourfumptuous Hangings andfoft Beds, You know the Ufe of Riches, and dare give now From that bright Heap, to me, your poor Obferver^ Or to your Dwarf, or your Hermaphrodite, Your Eunuch, or what other Houfhold Trifle Your Pleafure allows Maint'nance Vol, Hold theej Mcfca, Take of my Hand ; thou ftrik'ft on Truth in all And they are envious term thee Parafite. Call forth my Dwarf, my Eunuch, and my Fool, And let 'em make me fport. What fliould I do> BiU cocker up my Genius, and live free To all Delights my Fortune calls me to \ 1 have no Wife, no Parent, Child, Ally, To give my Subftance to \ but whom I make Muft be my Heirj and this makes Men obferve me t This draws new Clients daily to my Houfe, Women and Men, of every Sex and Age, That bring me Prefents, fent me Plate, Coin, Jewels, With hope that when I die (which they expert Each greedy Minute) it fhall then return TeU'fold upon them ; whilft fome, covetous Above the reft, fee to engrofs me whole. And counter-work the one unto the other, Contend in Gifts, as they would feem in Love: All which I fuffer, playing v;ith their Hopes, And am content to coin 'em into Profit, And look upon their Kindnefs, and take more. And look on that j ftill' bearing them in hand. Letting the ¥ O X. y Letting the Cherry knock againft their Lips, And draw it by their Mouths, and back again. How now! S C E N E II. Nano, Androgyno, Caftrone, Volpone, Mofca. NO W room for frejh Gamejlers-, who do zvill you to know, They do hin^ yon neither Play, norUniverftty/how ^ And therefore do entreat you, that whatfoever they re^ hearfe, May not fare a whit the worfe, for the falfe Pace of the Verfe. JfyoH wonder at this, you will wonder more e're we pafs. For knoWy here is inclos'd the Soul ^/Pythagoras, That 'juggler Divine, as hereafter fiall follow j which Soul {fgji and loofe, Sir) came firji from Apollo, jind was breathed into yEthalides, Mercurius^hSow, V/hire it had the Gift to remember all that ever was done. Trorn thence it pd forth, and made quick Tranfmigration, To gddy-lock'd Euphorbus, who was kiWd in good fajhion, 'At the Siege of old Troy, by the Cuckold <)/ Sparta. Hermotimus was next {I find it in my Qh^m) To whom it did pafs, where no fooner it was mijfmg, But with one Pyrrhiis of Delos it learn'd to go d Fijhing i And thence did it enter the Sofhiji of Greece. From Pythagore, Jhe went into a beautiful Piece, night Afpafia, the Meretrixj and the next To fs of her Was a-rain of a Whore, fje became a Philofopher, Crates the Cynick, (as it felf doth relate it) Since Kings, Knights, and Beggars, Knaves, Lords, and Fools gat it, Befides Ox and Afs, Camel, Mule, Goat, and Brock, In all which it hath fpoke, as in the Cobler's Cock. But I come not here to difcourfe of that Matter, Or his One, Two, or Three, or his great Oath, ■ By Quater. A 4 Jifii S VOL PONE: Or, JV/VMuficks, his Trigon, his Golden Thigh, Or his telling how Elements pift; but I Would ask, how of late thou haji fnjfer'dTranJlatton,. And jhifted thy Coat in thefe Days of Reformation ? And. Like one of the Reformed, a Fool, as you. fee. Counting all old Do^rine Herefie. Nan. But not on t him own forbid Meats hafi thou ven^ tur'd ? And. On Fifi, when fir ft a Carthufian Itf»/«r'^. Nan. Why, then thy dogmatical Silence hath left thee? And. Of that an obftreperous Lawyer bereft me. Nan. O wonderful Change! When Sir Lawyer for fook' thee, F5f'ho'sthat ? Away, \ooV., Mof ca. Mof. Fog!, be gone, 'tis Signior Voltore the Advocat^^- 1 know him by his Knock. Vol. Fetch me my Gown, My Furs, and Night-caps j fay, my Couch's changing : And let him entertain hlmfeif a while Without i'th* Gallery. Now, now my Clients Begin their Vifltation ! Vulture, Kite, Raven, Gorcrow, all my Birds of Prey, That think me turning Carcafs, now ihey come; . 1 am not fot'emyer. How now J the News J Mof. A piece of Plate, Sir. ViL Of what bigj: efs? Mof Huge, A 5 MaffjC:,- 10 VOLPONE: Or, Maflie, and Antique, with your Name infcrib'd. And Arms engraven. Vol. Good 1 and not a l^ox Stretch'd on the Earth, with fine delufive Sleights, Mocking a gaping Crow ? ha > Mofca? Mof, Sharp, Sir. Vol. Give me my Furs. NJf'hy deft thou laugh ^o,Man^ Mof. I cannot choofe. Sir, when 1 apprehend What Thoughts he has ('without) now, as he walks : That this might be the lafl Gift he fhould give j That this would fetch you ; if you died to day. And gave him all, what he fhould be to morrow; What large Return would come of all his Venters j How he Qiould worfhip'd be, and reverenc'd j Ride with his Furs, and Foot-clothes j waited on By Herds of Fools, and Clients j have clear way Made for his Moile, as letter'd as himfelfi Be call'd the great and learned Advocate; And then concludes, there's nought impoflible. Vol. Yes, to be learned, Mofca, Mof. O, no : rich Implies it. Hood an Afs with reverend Purple, So you can hide his two ambitious Ears, And he fhall pafs for a Cathedral Dodor. Vol. My Caps, my Caps, good Mofca j fetch him in,' Mof. Stay, Sir, your Ointment for your Eyes. Vol. That's true 5 Difpatch, difpatch ; I long to havePofTeffion Of my new Prefent. Mof, That, and Thoufandsmore^ 1 hope to fee you Lord of. Vol. Thanks, kind Mofca, Mof. And that, when I am loft in blended Duft, And hundred fuch as I am, in Succeflion— — . Vol, Nay, that were too much. Mofca. Vof You fhall live. Still, to delude thefe H4r//>/. Vol. "Loving Mofca, 'Tis well, my Pillow now, and let him enter. Now, my flun'd Cough, my Phthifick, and my Gout, My Apoplexy, Palfie, and Catarhs, Help with your forced Funftions, this my Pofture, Wherein, this three Year, 1 have milk'd their Hopes.\ ^ He comes, 1 fear him (uh, uh, uh, uh) O, SCENE the FOX. It; SCENE IIL Mofca, Volt ere, Volpone, Mof, Youftillare, what you were. Sir. Only you (Of all the reft) are he, commands his Love : And you do wifely, to preferve it thus. With early Vifitation, and kind Notes Of your good meaning to him, which, 1 know. Cannot but come moft grateful. Patron, Sir, Here's Signior Vcltore is come Volp. Wl-n fay you > Mof. Sir, Signior Ftir. re is come, this Morning To vifit you. Volp. 1 thank him. Mof. And hath brousht A piece ofantique Plate, bought of St. Mark, With which he here prefents you. Volp, He is wel- come. Pray him to conje more often. Mof, Yes. Volt. Whit fays he? Mof He thanks you, and defires youfeehim often^ Volp. Mof a. Mof. My Patron ? Volp. Bring him near, where is he ? I long to feelhis Hand. Mof. The Plat is here. Sir/ Volt. How fare you. Sir ? Volp. I thank you, Signior Voltore, Where is the Plate? mine Eyes are bad. Volt. Vm forry, To fee you ftill thus weak. Mof. That he is not weaker. Volp. You are too munificent. Volt. No, Sir, would to Heaven, I could as well give Health to you, as that Plate. Volp. You give. Sir, what you can. I thank you,' Your Love Hath tafte in this, and fliall not be un-anfwer'd, I pray you fee me often. Volt. Yes, I fhall. Sir. Volp. Be not far from me. Mof. Do you obferve th.u. Sir ? Volp. .Hearken unto me ftill: It will concern you." Mof You are a happy Man, Sir, know your good. Volp* I cannot now laft long — — — iMof, It VOLPONE;0r, (Mof, You are his Heir, Sir. Volt. Ami?) Vol^, 1 feel me going, (uh, uh, uhj, uh, I am failing to my Port, (uh, uh, uh, uh ? ) And I am glad, I am fo near my Haven. Mof, Alas, kind Gentlemen, well, we muftallgo— - Vck. But Mofca. Mof. Age will conquer. Volt. 'Pray thee, hear me. Ami infcrib'd his Heir for certain ? Mof. Are you ? I do befeech you, Sir, you will vouchfafe To write me i'your Family. All my Hopes, Depend upon your Worrfiip. I am loft. Except the riling Sun do fhine.on me. Volt. It fhall both fliine, and warm thee, Mofca. Mof. Siri I am a Man, that hath not done your love All the worft Offices : here I wear your Keys, See all your Coffers, and your Caskets lockt. Keep the poor Inventory of your Jewels, Your Plateand Monies J I'm your Steward, Sir, Husband your Goods here. Volt. But am I fole Heir ? Mof Without a Partner, Sir, confirm'd this Morn- ing j The. Wax is warm yet, and the Inkfcarce dry Upon the Parchment. Volt. Happy, happy, me I By what good chance, fwcet Mofca? Mof Your defert, Sirj I know no fecond Caufe. Voh. Thy Modefty. is loth to know itj well, we fhall requite it. Mof He ever lik'd your Courfe, Sirs that firft took- him I oft have heard him fav, how he admir'd. Men of your large Profeflion, that could fpeak To every Caufe, and things meer Contraries, Till they were hoarfe again, yet all be Law ; That, with moft quick Agility, could turn, And re-turn 5 make Knots, and undo them 5 Give forked Counfel : take provoking Gold Oil either Hand, and put it up: ihefeMen, He knew, would thrive, with their Humilityi And the POX. tj And (for his part) he thought, he Ihould be bleft To have his Heir of fuch a fuffering Spirit, So wife, fo grave, of fo perplexM a Tongue> And loud withal, that could not wag, nor fcarce Lie ftill, without a Fee ; when every Word Your Worfhip but lets tall, is a Cecchine ! [Another knocks, Who*s that ? one knocks, I would not have you feen. Sir. And yet — pretend you came, and went inhaftcj rll fafhion.an Excufe, And, gentle Sir, When you do come to Swim ; in golden Lard, , Up to the Arms in Honey, that your Chia Js born up ftifF, with fatnefs of the Flood, Think on your Vaflal ; but remember me : I ha' not been your worft of Clients. Voh. Mofca. — — Mof. When will you have your Inventory brought? Sir ? Or fee a Copy of the Will? (anon) I'll bring 'em to you, Sir. Away, be gone. Put Bufinefs i'your Face. Volp. Excellent Mofca! Come hither, let me kifs thee, Mof. Keep you ftilJ^ Sir. Here is Corbaccio. Volp, Set the Plate away. The Vulture's gone, and the old Raven's comci SCENE IV. Mofca, Corbaccio, Volpone, Mof Betake you to your Silence, and your Sleep j : Stand there and multiply. Now, fiiall we fee A Wretch who is (indeed) more impotent. Than this can fain to be \ yet hopes to hop Over his Grave. Signior Corbaccio ! Yo'ure very welcome. Sir. Corb. How do's'your Patron ? Mof Troth, as he did, Sirj no amendsi Ccrb. What ? Mends he \ Mof No, Sir: He. is rather worfe. Ccrb. That'f wcll» Where is he > ' r4 VOLPONE: Or, Mof. Upon his Couch, Sir, newjy fali'n to flcep^ Corb. Do's he fleep well \ Mof, No wink, Sir, all this Night, Nor yefterday j but flumbers. Corb. Good ! He ihall take Some Counfel of Phyficians: I have brought him An Opiate here, from mine ownDoftor > Mof. He will not hear of Drugs, Corb. Why? I my felf Stood by, while 'twas made, faw all th'Ingredients: And know, it cannot but moft gently work. . My Life for his, 'tis but to make him fleep. Volp. I, his laft Sleep, if he wou'd take it. Mof. Sir, Hehas noFaith in Phyiick. Corb. 'Say you, 'fay you J Mof He has no Faith in Phyfick : He do's thiak Moft of your Doftors are the greater Danger, And worfe Difeafe, t' efcape. I often have Heard him proteft, that your Phyfician Should never be his Heir. Corb. Not I his Heir ? Mof Not your Phyfician, Sir. Corb. O, no, no, no,' I do not mean ir. Mof. No, Sir, nor their Fees He cannot brook : He fays they flay a Man^ Before they kill him. Corb, Right, I do conceive youj Mof. And then, they do it by Experiment} For which the Law not only doth abfolve 'em. But gives them great Reward : and he is loth To hire his Death, i^o. Corb. It is true, they kill. With as much Licence, as a Judge. Mof Nay more 5 For he but kills. Sir, where the Law condemns. And thefe can kill him too. Corb. I, or me j Or any Man. How does his Apoplex? Is that ftrong on him ftill \ Mof Moft violent. His Speech is broken, and his Eyes are fet. His Face drawn longer, than 'twas wont — — Corb. How ? how t Stronger, than he was wont > Mof No, Sir: His Face Drawn longer than 'twas want. Corb. O, good. Mof. His Mouth Is ever gaping, and his Eye-lids hang. Corb. Good. Mof. A freezing numnefs ftifFens all his Joints, And TIB^ F O X. i§ And makes the Colour of his Fleftilike Lead» Corl^. 'Tis good. Mof. His Pulfe beats flow, and dull. C(?r^. Good Symptoms ftill. Mof. And from his Brain——— {Corb. I conceive you, good.) Mof. Flows a cold Sweat, with a continual RhumJJi Forth the refolved Corners of his Eyes. Corh, Is't poffible ? Yet I am better, ha! How do's he, with the fwimming of his Head? Mof O, Sir, 'tis paft the Scotomy-y he now. Hath loft his Feeling, and hath left to fnort : _ You hardly can perceive him, that he breaths. Corb. Excellent, Excellent, fure I fhall out-laft himj This makes me Young again, a fcore of Years. Mof I was a coming for you, Sir. Corb, Has he made his Will ? What has he giv'n me ? Mof No, Sir. Corb. No- thing \ ha ? Mof He has not made his Will, Sir. Corb. Oh,' oh, oh. What then did Voltore, the Lawyer, here? Mof He fmelt a Carcafs, Sir, when he but heard My Mafter was about his Teftament j As I did urge him to it, for your good Corb. He came unto him, did he J I thought fo. Mof Yes, and prefented him this piece of Plate. Corb. To be his Heir ? Mof 1 do not know. Sir. Corb. True, I know it too. Mof By your own Scale, Sir. Corb, Well, 1 fhall prevent him, yet. See Mofca, look. Here, 1 have brought a Bag of bright Cecchlnesy Will quite weigh down his Plate. Mof Yea, maTry, Sir. This is true Phyfick, this your facred Medicine 5 No talk of Opiates y to this great Elixir. Corb. 'Tis aurum falpabile, if not potabile. It fhall be minifter'd to him, j*n his Bowie ? Corb, I, do, do, do. Mof Moil blefTed Cordial. This MS^ V O LP O N E .• Or, This will recover him. Corb» Yes, do, do, do* Mof. I think it were not beft, Sir. Corif. What > Mof. To recover him. Corb. O, no, no, no j by no means. Mof Why, Sir, this Will work lome ftrange EiFeft, if he but feel frj CorB. 'Tis true, therefore forbear, I'll take n:)y ven- ture: Give me't again. Mof, At no hand 5 pardon mej You fhall not do your felf that wrong. Sir, 1 Will fo advife you, you fhall have it all. Cori>, How > ** Mof All, Sir, 'tis your right, your own j no Man Can claim a part : *Tis yours, without a Rival, Decreed by Deftiny. Corb. How! how , good Mofca^^ iWy/. I'll tell you. Sir. This Fit he fhall recover j Corb. 1 do conceive you. Mof And, on firfl advantage . Of his gain'd Senfe, will I re-importune him- Unto the making of his Teftament : And fhew him this. Corb, Good, good. Mof *Tis better yet. If you will hear. Sir. Corb, Yes, with all my Heart. Mof Now, would I counfel you, make home wltli fpeed 5 , There, frame a Will 5 whereto you fhall infcribe My Mafler your fole Heir. Corb. And diiinherit My Son? Alof O, Sir, the better: For that Colour , Shall make it much more taking. Corb. O, but Colour? Mof This Will, Sir, you (hall ftndit unto me. Now, when I come to inforce (as I will do) Your Cares, your Watchings, and your many Prayers, Your more than many Gifts, your this Days prefent And lafl, produce your Will ; where (without Thought, Or leaft Regard, unto your proper irfue, A Son fo brave, and highly meriting) The Stream of your diverted Love hath thrown you . Upon my Matter, and made him your Heir : He cannot be fo ftupid, or ftone-dead, M\xt out of Confcience, and meer Gratitude— - Corb» 7^^ F O X. t7 Corh. He muft pronounce me hls^ Mof. 'Tis true. Corb. This Plot Did I think oiT before. Mof. I do believe ft. Corh. Do you not believe it ? Mof. Yes, Sir. Corh* Mine own Proje£V. Mof. Which when he hath done. Sir Corb. Publifiied me his Heir ? Mof And you fo certain, to furvive him- ■ m Corb. I. Mof Being fo luftya Man — Corb^ Tis true Mof Yes, Sir Corb. I thought on that too. See, how he fhouldte The very Organ to exprefs my Thoughts ! Mof. You have not only done your felf a good— Corb. But multiply 'd it on my Son. Mof 'Tisrighf,' Sir. Corb. Still, my Invention. Mof 'Lasj Sir, Heaven knows. It hath been all my Study, all my Care, (I e'en grow grey withal) how to work Things— Corb. I do conceive, fweet Mofca. Mof You are he,' For whom I labour, here. Corb. I, do.^ do, do : I'll ftraight about it. Mof Rook go with you, Raven. Corb. I know thee honeft. Mof You do lie. Sir Corb. Arid- — Mof Your Knowledge is no better than your Ears,Sif» Corb. I do not doubt, to be a Father to thee. Mof. Nor I to gull my Brother of his Blefllng. Corb. Imay ha'my Youthreftor'dtome, why not? Mof. Your Worfhip is a precious Afs Corb. What fay 'ft thou > Mof I do defire your Worfhip to make hafte. Sir. Corb. 'Tis done, 'tis done, 1 go. Volp. O, 1 fhall burft : Let out my Sides, let out my Sides— —Af^/ Contain Your flux of Laughter, Sir : you know, this hope Is fuch a Bait, it covers any Hook. Volp. O, but thy working, and thy placing itl I cannot hold; goodRafcal, let me kifs thee : I nev«r knew thee^ in fo rare a Humour. Mof i8 VO LP ONE/ Or, Mof. Alas, Sir, 1 but do, as I am taught ; ToUow your grave Inftruftions; give 'em Words j Pour Oil into their Ears : and fend them hence. Volp. 'Tis true, 'tis true. What a rarePunifhment Is Avarice to itfelf? Mof, I, with our help. Sir. Volp. S6 many Cares, fo many Maladies, So many Fears attending ap Old Age, Yea, Death fo often call'd on, as no Wifh Can be more frequent with *em, their Limbs faint. Their .Senfes dull, therr Seeing, Hearing, Going, All dead before them ; yea, their very Teeth, Their Inftruments of Eating, failing them : Yet this is reckon'd Life ! Nay, here was one. Is now gone home, that wiOics to live longe'r! Feels not his Gout, nor Palfie, fains himfelf Younger, by Scores of Years, flatters his Age,' With confident belying it, hopes he may With Charms like jEfon, have his Youth reftor'd: And with thefe Thoughts fo battens, as if Fate Would be as eafily cheated on, as he. And all turns Air! Who's that there, now ) a third f [Another knocku Mof. Clofe, to your Couch again : 1 hear his Voice» It is Corvino, our fpruce Merchant. Volp. Dead. Mof Another bout. Sir, with your Eyes. Who** there I SCENE V. Mofca, Corvino, Volponei Mof. Signior Corvino ! Come mofl wifh'd for! Oj How happy were you, if you knew it, now ! Corv. Why ? What \ Wherein ? Mof. The tardy Hour is come, Sir. Corv. He is not dead \ Mof. Not dead. Sir, but as good} He knows no Man. Corv. How fhail I do then > Mof Why, Sir? Corv. I have brought him here a Pearl. Uof, Perhaps he has S<] The FOX. 15 So much Remembrance left, as to know you. Sir j He ftill calls on youj nothing but your Name Is \n his Mouth : Is your Pearl Orient, Sir ? Corv. Venice was never Owner of the like. Volp. Signior Ccrv'mo. Mof, Hark, Volp. S'x^mov Corv'tno. Mof. He calls you, ftep and give it him. He*5 hcre,Sfri And he has brought you a rich Pearl. Corv. How do you, Sir ? Tell him, it doubles the twelf Cara5i. Mof. Sir, He cannot underftand, his Hearing's gone $ And yet it comforts him to fee you Corv. Say, I have a Diamond for him, too. Mof Beft fliew't, Sir; Put it into his Hand ; 'tis only there He apprehends: He has his feeling, yet. See how he grafpsit ! Corv. *Las, good Gentleman \ How pitiful the Sight is ! Mof, Tut, forget,- Sir. The weeping of an Heir fhould flill be Laughter, UnderaVifor. Corv. Why? Am I his Heir ? Mof Sir, 1 am fworn, 1 may not Ihow the Will>? 'Till he be dead : But, here has been Corbaccio, Here has been Fo/^ Why? Why you fhould be thus fcrupulous >. Tray you. Sir. Corv. Nay, at your Difcretion, Mof Well, good Sir, be gone. " 0>"" l^he FOX. XI Corv. I will not trouble him now, to take my Pearl. Mo[. Puh, nor your Diamond. What a ncedlefs Care Is this afRifts you? Is not all here yours? Am not I here? whom you have made your Creature? That owe my Being to you ? Corv. Grateful Mofca\ Thou art my Friend, my Fellow, my Companion, My Partner, and fhalt Ihare in all my Fortunes. Mof. Excepting one. Corv^ What's that ? Mof. Your gallant Wife, Sir. Now he is gone: We had no other means. To fhoot him hence, but this. Volp. My d'w'mtMofcal Thou haft to day out-gone thy felf. Who's there ? [Another knocks, I will be troubled with no more. Prepare Me Mufick, Dances, Banquets, all Delights 5 The Turk is not more fenliial in his Pleafures, Than will Voipone. Let me fee, a Pearl > A Diamond ? Plate ? Cecchines ? Good Morning's Pun chafe } Why, this is better than rob Churches, yet: Or fat, by eating (once a Month) a Man. Who is't. Mof, The beauteous Lady Would-be^ 'Sir, Wife to the Englifl} Knight, Sir Politick Would-h, (This is the Stile, Sir, is direfted me) Hath fent to know, how you have flept to night. And if you would be vifited. Volp, Not, now. Some three hours hence.— Mof. I told the Squire fo much. Volp. When I am high with Mirth, and Wine: then, then: 'Fore Heaven, I wonder at the defperate Valour Of the bold Englijh, that they dare let loofe Their Wives to all Encounters! Mof. Sir, this Knight Had not his Name Tor nothing, he is politick. And knows, how e're his Wife afFeft ftrange Airs, She hath not yet the Face to be difhoneft : But had fhe Signior Ccrvino's Wife's Face — - Volp. Has fhe fo rare a Face? Mvf. O, Sii;, the Wonder, The blazing Star of Italy ! A Wench O' It VOLPON E: Or, O* the firft Year ! A Beauty ripe as Harveft! Whofe Skin is whiter than a Swan all over ! Than Silver, Snow, or Lillies I A foft Lip, Would tempt you to eternity of killing ! And FJefh that melteth in the Touch to Blood! Bright as your Gold, and lovely as your Gold ! Volp. Why had not 1 known this before ? Mof. Alas, Sir — My felf but yefterday difcover'd if. Volp. How might I fee her ? Mof, O, not poflible ^ She's kept as warily as is your Gold, Never does come abroad, never takes Air, But at a Window. All her Looks are fweet. As the firft Grapes or Cherries, and are watch'd As near as they are. Volp. I muft fee her— Mof. Sir, There is a Guard of ten Spies thick upon her. All his whole Houfliold j each of which is fet Upon his Fellow, and have all their Charge"! When he goes out, when he comes in, examin'd. Volp. I will go fee her, though but at her Window." Mof. In fome Difguife then. Volp, That is true : I muft Maintain mine own Shape ftill the fame : We'll think. ACT II. SCENE I. Politick Would- he, Peregrine. Pol QIR, to a wife Man all the World's his Soil; O It is not Italy, nor France, nor Europt, That muft bound me, if my Fates call me forth. Yet I proteft, it is no fait Defire Of feeing Countries, ihifting a Religion, Nor any Difaffedion to the State Where 1 was bred (and unto which I owe My deareft Plots) hath brought me out j much lefs That idle, antick, ftale, grey-headed Projed Of knowing Mens Minds and Manners, with Vlyjfes: But a peculiar Humour of my Wife's, Laid for this height of Venice, to obferve. To quote, to learn the Language, and fo forth- I hope you travel. Sir, with Licence— How long, Sir, Since 72^^ F O X. zj . ^Ince you left England f Per. Seven Weeks. Pol, So lately ! You ha' not been with my Lord AmbafTador \ Per. Not yet. Sir. Pol. Pray you, what News, Sir, vents our Climate: I heard laft Night a moft ftrange thing reported Ey fome of my Lord's Followers, ana I long To hear how 'twill be feconded. Per. What was't^ Sir> Pol, Marry, Sir, of a Raven that fhould build In a Ship.Royal of the King's. Per. This Fellow Does he gull me, trow? Or is guU'd? Your Nam^ Sir? Pol. My Name is Politick Would-be. Per, O' that fpeaks him. A Knight, Sir > Pol. A poor Knight, Sir. Ter. Your Lady Lies here in Venice, for Intelligence Of Tires, and Fafhions, and Behaviour, Among the Courtezans ? The 'Fine Lady Would-hel Vol. Yes, Sir, the Spider and the Bee, oft-times. Suck from one Flower, Ter, Good Sir Politick, I cry you Mercy : I have heard much of you : 'Tis true. Sir, of your Raven. Fol. On your Know- ledge ? Ter. Yes, and your Lions whelping in the Tower Pol. Another Whelp! Per. Another, Sir. Pel. Now, Heaven ! What Prodigies be thefe? The Fires at Berwick/ And the new Star! Thefe things concurring, ilrange' And full of Omen ! Saw you thefe Meteors t Per. I did,« Sir. Pol. Fearful ! Pray you, Sir, confirm me. Were there three Porpoifes feen above the Bridge,' As they give out ? Per. Nay, Sir, be not fo j I'll tell you a greater Prodigy than thefe—— Pol. What fhould thefe things portend! Per. The very day (Let me befure) that I put forth from London, There was a Whale difcover'd in the River, As high as Woolwich, that had waited there Few know how many Months) for the Subverfion Of I i4 VOL PON E^ Or, of the S/^^«-Fleet. Pol, Is't poflible ? Believe it, 'Twas either fent from Spain, or the Archduke's ! Sp'mola*s Whale, upon my Life, my Credit ! Uill they not leave thefe Projefts ? Worthy Sir,* Some other News. Per. Faith, Stone the Fool is dead, And they do lack a Tavern-Fool extremely. Pol. Is Mafs' Stone de^d ? Per. He's dead, Sir; Why? I hope Toil thought him not immortal J O, this Knight (Were Tie well known) would be a precious Thing To fit our EngUJlj Stage: He that fhould write But fuch a Fellow, fhould be thought to feign Extremely, if notmalicioufly. Pol. Stone dead! Per. Dead. Lord! How deeply, Sir, you appre- hend it? He was no Kinfman to you? Pol. That I know of. Well! that fame Fellow was an unknown Fool. Per. And yet you knew him, it feems ? Pol. I d\A fo. Sir. I knew him one of the moft dangerous Heads Living within the State, and fo 1 held him. Per. Indeed, Sir? Pol. While he liv'd. In Aftioo, He has receiv'd weekly Intelligence, Upon my knowledge, out of the Low Countries, (For all Parts of the World) in Cabbages 5 And thofe difpens'd again to Ambafladors, In Oranges, Musk-Melons, Apricots, Limons, Pomecitrons, and fuch like j fometimes In Colchejier Oyfters, and your Selfe'^ Cockles. Per, You make me wonderi Pol. Sir, upon my knowledge. Nay, I have obferv'd him, at your publick Ordinary, Take his Advertifement from a Traveller (A conceal'd Statefman) in a Trencher of Meat j And inftantly, before the Meal was done. Convey an Anfwer in a Tooth-pick. Per, Strange! How could this be. Sir? Pol. Why, the Meat was cut So like his Charader, and (o laid, as he Muft eafily read the Cypher. Per. I have heard, He could not read, Sir. Pol. So *twas given out (In polity) by thofe that did employ him s But The FOX. zf iut he could read, and had your Languages, Lnd to't, as found a Noddle — Per. 1 have heard. Sir, That your Babiouns were Spies, and that they were A kind of fubtle Nation, near to China, Pol. I, I, your Mamuluchi. Faith, they had Their hand in a Fre?2ch Plot or twoj but they Were fo extremely given to Women, as They made Difcovery of all : Yet I Had my Advices here (on WednefJay laft) From one of their own Coat, they were return^(f;; Made their Relations (as the Fafhion is) And now ftand fair for frefh Employment. ^^''» 'Heart! This Sir PoL will be ignorant of nothing. It feems. Sir, you know alU Pol. Not all. Sir: Buc I have Come general Notions i I do love To note, and to obferve ; though I live out Free from the a£bive Torrent, yet Tld mark The Currents and the PafTages of Things For mine own private Ufej and know the Ebbs AndFlow^s of State. Per, Believe it. Sir, I hold My felf in no fmall Tie unto my Fortunes, Forcaftingme thus luckily upon you, Whofe Knov/ledg€ (if your Bounty equal it) May do me great Affiftance, in Inftudion For my Behaviour, and my bearing, which Is yet fo rude and raw Pol. Why, came you fortli Empty of Rules, for Travail ? Per. Faith, I had Some common ones, from out that vulgar Grammar^ Which he, that cry'd Italian to me, taught me. Pol, Why, this it is, that fpoils all our brave Bloods Trufting our hopeful Gentry unto Pedants, Fellows of oot-fide, and mere bark. You feem To be a Gentleman, of ingenious Race — I not profefs ir, but my Fate hath been To be, where I have been confulted with, la this high kind, touching fome great Mens Sonr, Perfons of Blood and Honour Per, Who h% thefe. Sir? SCENE. z(% y O L P O N E : Or, SCENE. II. MofcAt Pelitick, Peregrine, Volpone, Nano, Grege, Per. Under that Window, there't muft be. The fame.' Pol. Fellows, to mount a Bank ! Did your Inftrudor In the dear Tongues, never difcourfe to you Of the //4// Mof. Scoto of Mantua, Sir. Pol. Is't he ? Nay, then I'll proudly promife. Sir, you fhall behold Another Man that has been phant'fied to you. 1 wonder, yet, that he fhould mount his Bank, Here in this Nook, that has been wont t'appear In Face of the Piazza! Here, becomes. J Volp. Uour.t, Zimy. Gre. Follow, follow, followj } follow, follow. I j>oL.Stc how the People follow him! he's a Maa'| May write loooo Crowns in Bank here. Note, Mark but his Gefture : I do ufeto obferve ' The flate' he,keeps, in getting up ! Per. *Tis worth it. Sir. I Vol p. Mofi noble Gent, and my worthy Patrons, it ], may fesm ftrange, that I, your Scoto Mantuano, who ii^as ever wont to fix my Bank in lace of the puhlick Piazza, The FOX., 17 Piazza, near the Shelter of the Portico, to the Procu- latia, Jljould now (after eight Months Ahfencey from this Ulujirious City ofVtnkeJ humbly retire my felf, inf an obfcure Nook of the Piazza. Pol. Did not I, now, objeft thefame J Per. Peace, Sir. Volp. Let me tell you: lam not (as your Lombard Proverb faith) cold on my Feet ^ or content to part with my Commodities at a cheaper ratCy than I accuflomed : look not for it. Nor that the calumnious Reports of that impudent Detra^or, and Jliame to our Profejfion, fAlef- fandro Buttone, / mean) who gave out in publick, I was condemned a* Sforzato to the Galley s, for poyfoning the Cardinal Bembo'^— C<>£?^, hath at all attached, much lefs dejeCfed me. No, no, worthy Gent, (to tell you true) I cannot endure to fee the Rabble of thefe ground Ciarlitani, that fpread their Cloaks on the Pavement, as if they meant to do Feats of Atlivity, and then corns in lamely, with their mouldy Tales out of Boccacio, like fiale Tabarine, the Tabulijl : Some of them difccurfmg their Travels^ and of their tedious Captivity in the Turks Galleys, when indeed (were the Truth known) they were the Chriftians Galleys, where very temperately they eat Bread, and drunk Water, as a wholefom Penance (en^ jcin'd them by their Confejfors) for bafe Pilferies. Pil. Note but his bearing, and Contempt of tbefe. Volp. Thefe Turdy-facy-najly-paty-loufie-fartical Roguelf, v/tth one poor Groatfworth of unprepared Antimony, finely wrapt up in feveral Scartoccios, are able, very well, to kill their twenty a Week, and play j yet, thefe meager flarv'd Spirits, v:ho havo half ftopt the Organs of their Minds with earthly Oppilations, want not their Favourers among your fhriveVd, Sallad- eating Artizansj who are overjoyed, thnt they may have their Halfpe*rth cfPhyfick, t ho' it purge 'em into another World, 't makes no matter. Pol. Excellent! Ha' you heard better Language, Sir ? Volp. Well, let "em go. And Gentlemen, honourable Gentlemen, know, that for this time, our Bank, being thus removed from the Clamours of the Canaglia, Jliall i8 VOL PONE: Or, be the Scene of Pleafure knd Delight : Tor, I have no- thing to Sell, little 'or nothing to Sell. >«/. I told you. Sir, his end. Per. You did fo. Sir. Volp. I proteji, I and my fix Servants are not able to "inake of this precious Liquor, fo fafl, as it is fetched a- 'way from my Lodging by Gentlemen of your City j Strangers of the Terraferma; vjorfiipful Merchants-, J, and Senators too 5 vjho, ever fince my Arrival, have detained me to their ufes, by their fplendidcus Liberali- ties, And worthily. For, what avails your rich Man to have his Magazines jluft with Mofcadelly, or of the purefi Grape, when his Phyficians prefcribe him (on pain of Death) to drink nothing but Water, cooled with Anifeeds? O, Health! Health! The Blejfmg of the Rich ! The Riches of the Poor ! Who can buy thee at too dear a Rate, fmce there is no enjoying this World without thee? Be not then {0 fparing of your Purfes, honourable Gentlemen, as to abridge the natural Courfe of Life ■■ Per. You fee his end ? Pol. I, is't not good > Volp. Tor, when a humid Flux, or Catarrh, by the Mutability of Air, falls from your Head into an Arm cr Shoulder, or any other Part -, take you a Duckat, or your Cecchine of Gold, and apply to the Place affecled-^ fee what good EffeH it can work. No, no, 'tis this hleffed IJnguento, this rare Extraction, that hath only Power to difperfe all malignant Humours, that proceed, either of hot, cold, moift, or windy Caufes ' Fer. I would he had put in dry too. Fol. 'Pray you, obferve. Volp. To fortify the mofl indigeft and crude Stomach, I were it of one that (through extream Weaknefs) vo- mited Blood, applying only a warm Napkin to the place, [after the Unt'iion and Fricace ; for the Vertigine, i?i 'the Heady putting but a Drop into your Noftrils, likewife behind the Ears ; a mofi Sovereign and approved Reme- dy : The Mal-caduco, Cramps, Convulfions, Paralyses, Epilspfies, Tremor-cordia, retired Nerves, ill Vapturs cf the Spleen, flapping of the Liver, the Stone, the Stran- gury ^ Hernia ventofa, lliaca paflio; pps a Difenten'a imme- ne F OX. zp tmmediately ; eaftth the Torfion of the fmall Guts-, and €ures Melancholia Hypocondiiaca, being takm and apply ed, according, to my Printed Receipt, For, this is the Phyficiariy this the Medicine-, this Counfels, this Cures -y this gives the Direttion, this works the EjftH • p . • and ( in fum ) both together may be termed hrs^B^H^ni an abjirad of the Theorick and Pra^fick in JjIj Glafs. the ^fculapian Art. 'Twill coft you Eight Crowns. And, Zan Fritada, pr'ythee Jing a Verfe ex- tempore in Honour of it. * Pol. How do you like him , Sir ? Per. Moft ftrangely, I ! Pol. Is not his Language rare? Per. But Alchimy, I never heard the like : Or Bronghton's Books. SONG. Had old Hippocrates, or Galen, {That to their Books put Medicines all in) iut knovjn this Secret, they had never {Of which they will be guilty ever) Been murderers of fo much Paper, Or wafted many a hnrtlefs taper .* Uo Indian Drug had e're been famed, Tabacco, SafTafras not named-, Ne yet, of Guacum one fmall Stick, Sir, Nor Raymund Lullies great Elixir. Ne, had been known, the Danifh Gonfwart; Or Paracelfus, with his long Sword. Per. All this, yet, will not do j Eight Crowns is high. Vol p. No more. Gentlemen, if I had hut time to difcourfe to you the miraculous Effe6ls of this my Oyl, furnamed Oglio del Scoto j with the countlefs Catalogue of thofe I have cured of th' aforefaid, and many more Bifeafes'j the Patterns and Priviledges of all the Princes and Commonwealths of Chriftendom ; or but the difpo- fitions of thofe that appeared on my part, hefere the Signiory of the Sanita, and moft learned Colledge of fhyftcians', where 1 was authorized, upon notice taken B 3 of 30 VOL PONE: Or, */ the admirable Virtues of my Medicaments, and mine own Excellency, in matter of rare and unknown Secrets, not only to difperfe them publickly in this fa- mous City, hut in all the Territories, that happily joy under the Government of the moji pious and magnificent States of Italy. But may feme other gallant Fellow fay, O, there he divers that makei profejfton to have as good. And as experimented Receipts as yours : Indeed, very man Or his imbroidered Sute, with the Cope-ftitch, Made of a Herfe-Cloth: or his old Tilt-feather? Or his ftarch'd Beard J well ! you fhall have him, yes ^ Htf (hall come home, and Minifter unto you /The Fricace for the Moother. Or, let me fee; I think you'had rather mount? would you not mount? Why, if you'll mount, you may 5 yes truly you may ;< And fo, you may be feen, down to th' Foot.. Get you a Cittern, Lady Vanity, And be a dealer with the Virtuous Manj Mike one: I'il but proteft my felf a Cuckold, And fave your Dowry. 1 am a Dutchman, I !' For, if you thought me an Italian^, You would be damn'd, e're you did this, you Whore: Thou'ldft tremble, to imagine, that the Murder Of Father, Mother, Brother, all thy Race, Should follow, as the Subject of my Jnflice ! Cel. Good Sir have Patience! Corv'. What couldlt thou propofe Lefs to thy felf, than in t]ii$ heat of Wrath, And flung with my difhonour, I fhoiife ftrike: - This Steel into thee, with as many Stabs, As thou wert gaz'd upon with Goatifli Eyes ? Cel. Alas, Sir, be appeas'd ! I could not think- My being at the Window, fhould more, now. Move your impatience, than at other times. Corv. No ? not to feek and entertain a Parley,, With a known Knave i before a Multitude? You were an Ador with your Handkerchief! Which, he,, moft fwe€tly, kift in the Recerpti, Andi 5« VOLPONE: Or, And might (no doubt) return it with a Letter, And point the Place, where you might meet i your Sifters, Your Mothers, or your Aunts might ferve the turn. Cel. Why dear Sir, when do 1 make thcfe Excufesl Or ever ftir abroad, but to the Church \ And that fo feldom Corv. Well, it fhall be lefsj. And thy reftraint before was Liberty, To what I now decree: and therefore mark me. lirft, I will have this bawdy Light dam'd up j And till't be done, fome two or three Yards off, I'll chalk a Line, o'er which, if thou but chance To fet thy defp'rate Foot; more Hell, more Horror/ More wild remorfelefs Rage fhall feize on thee. Than on a Conjuror, that had heedlefs left y{\s Circles fafety e're his Devil was laid. Then here's a Lock, which I will hang upon thee ; And, now I think on*t, 1 will keep thee backwards; Thy Lodging fhall be backwards ; thy walks backwards j; ThyProfped all be backwards; and no pleafure. That thou fhalt know but backwards: Nay, lince you fore e M)r honefl Nature, know, it is your own Being too oepn, makes me ufe you thus. Since you will not contain your fubtil Noftrils In a fweet Room, but they mufl fnuff the Air Of rank and fweaty Paflengers—— ~One knock?; [Knock within. Away, and be not feen, pain of ihy Life; Nor look toward^he Window : If thou doft -— (Nay ftay, hear this) let me not profper. Whore, But I will make thee an Anatomy, DilTeft thee mine own felf, and r-Md a Ledur« ©^pon thee to the City, and in Publick- Away, Who's there ? Ser. Tis Signior Mefca^ Sh] SCENE VI. Cor vino, Mofca. C^v. Lst him come in, his Matter's Dead : There's Some The fox; 57 Some good to help the bad. My Mofca^ welcome, I gucfs your News. Mof, I fear you cannot. Sir. Corv, Is*t no^ his Death > Mof. Rather the contrary.' Corv, Not his Recovery J Mof. Yes, Sir. Cor'u, I am curs'd, I am bewitch'd, my CrofTes meet to vex me. How J how? how? how? Mof. Why, Sir, with Scoto'^ Oyl! Corbacc'w, and Voltore brought of it, Whilft I was bufie in an inner Room i Corv. Death ! that damn'd Mountebank ! but, for the Law Now, I could kill the Rafcal : *t cannot be. His Oyl (hould have that Virtue. Ha* not I ^ Known him a common Rogue, come fidling in To the Ojieria, with a tumbling Whore, And, when he has done all his Torc'd Tricks, been glad Of a poor Spoonful of dead Wine, with flies in't V It cannot be. All his Ingredients Are a Sheep's Gall, a rofted Bitches Marrow, Some few fod Earwigs, pounded Caterpillers, A little Capon's Greafe, and Falling Spittle : I know 'em to a Dram. M^/. I know not. Sir,'. But fome on't, there, they pour'd into his Ears, Some in his Noftrils, and recover'd him 5 Applying but the fricace. Corv. Pox o* that fricacci Mof. And fince, to feem the more officious And flatt'ring of his Health, there, they have had (At extream Fees) the Colledge of Phyficians Confulting on him, how they might reftore him ; Where one would have a Cataplafm of Spices, Another a flayd Ape dap'd to his Breaft; A third would ha' it a Dog, a fourth an Oyl With wild Cats Skins : At laft, they all refolv*d That, to preferve him, was no other means. But fome Young Woman muft ftraight be fought Ollt^ Lufty, and full of Juice, to fleep by himj And to this Service (moft unh.ippily, And moft unwillingly) am I now employ'd, ^Which here I thought to pre-ac think, Sir. One o' the Doctors ciFer'd there his Daughter. Corv. How! AHof. Yes, Signior Lupo, thePhyfician. C^rv, His Daughter J Ai^/. And a Virgin, Sir. Why > Al;is, He knows the ftate of *s BoJv, what it is j Thar nought can warm his Blood, Sir, but aFever^ Nor any incantation raife his Spirit: A long forgetfulnefs hath feiz'd that part. Befides, Sir, who fliall know it ? feme one or two — Corv. I pray thee give me leave. If any Mair But I had had this luck The thing in't felf, 1 know, is nothing ^ Wherefore fliould not I As well command my Blood and my AfFeftions, As this dull Dodor J In the point of* Honour, The Cafes aie all one of Wife and Daughter,. HP 72^ F O X. ^g l^m^of- I hear him coming. Cerv. She ihalldo't: *Tig I^R done. IBSight, if this Doftor, who is not engag'd, Uulefs 't be for his Counfel (which is nothing) Offer his Daughter, what fhould I, that am So deeply in ? 1 will prevent him. Wretch ! Covetous Wretch ! Mofca, 1 have determin'd. Mfff. How, Sir ? Corv, We'll make all fure. The Party, you wot of. Shall be mine own Wife, Mofca, Mo[. Sir, the Thing (But that 1 would not feem to counfel you) 1 fhould have motion'd to you at the firft : And make your count, you have cut all their Throats, Why \ 'Tis direaiy taking a Pofleflion ! And, in his next fit, we may let him go^ *Tis but to pull the Pillow from his Head, And he is thratled; 't had been done before, £ut for your fcrupulous Doubts. Corv. I, a plague on't. My Confcience fools my Wif. Well, 111 be brief;. And fo be thou, left they fhould be before us : Go home, prepare him, tell him with what Zeal, And Willingnefs 1 do it for j fwear it was On the firft Hearing (as thou may'fldo, truly) Mine own free Motion. Mof. Sir, I warrant you, jf 'il fo poflefs him with it, that the reft Of his ftarv'd Clients fhall be banifh'd all ; And only you receiv'd. But come not, Sir, Until I fend, for I have fomething elfe To ripen for your good (you mufl notknow't). Corv. But do not you forget to fend now. Mof, Fear iiot. SCENE VIL CorvmOi Celia. €or. Where are you, Wife ? My Celia ? Wife * .What blubbering? Come^ 40 VOL? ONE: Or, Come, dry thofe Tears, I think thou thoughtefl: me in earneft? Ha \ By this Light I talk'd fo but to try thee. Methinks, the Lightnefs of the Occafion Should ha* confirmM thee. Come, 1 am not Jealous. Cd, No \ Corv^ Faith, I am not, I, nor never was v It is a poor unprofitable Humour. Do not 1 know if Women h^vea Will, They'll do 'gainit all the Watches o' the World \ And that the fierceft Spies are tam'd with Gold \ Tut, I am confident in thee, thou fhalt {t^\ : And fee, I'll give thee caufe too, to believe it. Come, kifs me. Go, and make thee ready ftraight, In all thy beft Attire, thy choiceft Jewels, Put 'email on, and, with 'em, thy beft Looks: We are invited to a folemn Feaft, At old Volpone'Sy where n fhall appear How far I'm free, from Jealoufie to fear. ACT III. SCENE I. Mo[ca» Mof TFear, I fiiall begin to grow in Love A With my dear fclf, and my moft profp'rous Parts, They do fo fpring and burgeon j I can feel A Whimfie i'my Blood : (I know not how) Succefs hath made me wanton. I could skip Out of my Skin, now like a fubtil Snake, I am fo limber. O ! Your Parafite Is a moft precious thing, dropt from above. Not bred 'mongft Clods and Clot-pouls, here on Earthy I mufe, the Myftery was not made a Science, It is fo liberally profeft ! almoft All the wife World is little elfe, in Nature, But Parafites, or Sub-parafites. And, yet, 1 mean not thofe that have your bare Town-ar|, rtke FOX. 41 To know, who's fit to ^^t^ 'em ^ have no Itoufe, No Family, no Care, and therefore mould Tales for Mens Ears, to beat that Senfe ; or get Kitchin-invention, andfomeftale Receipts To pleafe the Belly, and the Groin j nor thofe. With their Court-dog Tricks, that can fawn and fleer,' Make their Revenue out of Legs and Faces, Eccho my Lord, and lick away a Moth : But your fine elegant Rafcal, that can rife. And (loop (almoft together) like an Arrow, Shoot through the Air as nimbly as a Star ? Turn fhort, as doth a Swallow $ and be here^ And there, and here, and yonder all at once j Prefent to any Humour, all Occafion j And change a Vifor, fwifter than a Thought ! This is the Creature had the Art born with him^ Toils not to learn it, but doth pradife it Out of moft excellent Nature :* and fuch Sparkf Are the true Parafites, others but their Zan\*% S C E N E IL Ucfca, BonMri0. Uof, Whc*sthis? ^onarli? z\iCorhaccl9'&%ony The Perfon I was bound to feek. Fair Sir, You are happily met. Ben. That cannot be by thee.' Mof. Why, Sir? Ben. Nay, prithee know thy way, and leave me: I would be loth to interchange Difcourfe, With fuch a Mate as thou art. Mof. Courteous Sir, Scorn not my Poverty. Bon. Not I, by Heaven : ' But thou fhalt give me leave to hate thy bafenefs. Mof. Bafenefs ? Bon. I anfwer, me, is not thy Sloth Sufficient Argument ? thy Flattery ? Thy means of feeding J Mof, Heaven, be good to me. Thefe Imputations are too common, Sir, And eafily ftruck on Virtue, when fhe's poofj You are unequal to me, and how e're Your Sentence may be righteous, yet you arc not. That 4t VO LP ONE: Or, That e're you know me, thus, proceed in Cenfure : St. Mark bear witnefs 'galnft you, 'tis inhuman. Bon. V^hat! does he weep J the Sign is foft, and good ! I do repent me, that I was (o harfh. JWf/," Tis true, that, fway'd by ftrong Neceflity, lam enforc'd to eat my careful Bread With too much obfequy ; 'tis true, befide. That I am fain to fpin mine own poor Raiment, Out of my meer Obfervance, being not born To a free Fortune : but that I have done Bafe Offices, in rcndring Friends afunder. Dividing Famih'es, betraying Counfels, Whifpering falfe Lies, or mining Men with Praifes, Train'd their Credulity with Perjuries, Corrupted Chafllty, or am in Love With mine own tender Eafe, but would not rather ] Prove the moft rugged, and laborious Courfe, That might redeem my prefent Eftimation j Let me here Perilh, in all hope of Goodnefs. Bon. This cannot be a perfonated Paflion ! I was to blame, fo to miftake thy Nature; Prithee forgive me : and fpeak out thy Buflnefs. Mof. Sir, it concerns you; and though 1 may feem. At firft to make a main Offence in Manners, And in my Gratitude, unto my Mafter ; Tet, for the pure Love, which I bear all right. And hatred of the Wrong, I muft reveal it. This very hour your Father is in purpofe To difinherit you Bon, How ! Mof. And thrufl: you forth. As a meer Stranger to his Blood ; 'tis true. Sir : The Work no way ingageth me, but, as I claim an Interefl in the general State Of Goodnefs and true Virtue, which I hear T' abound in yon : and, for which meer Rcfpeft, Without a fecond Aim, Sir, I have done it. Bon. This Tale hath loft thee much of the late Truft, Thou hadft with me ; it is impofTible : I ^iKnow not hi nt F o X. 45 :now not how to lend it any Thought, My Father fhould be fo unnatural. Mfff. It is a Confidence, that well becomes Your Piety ; and form'd (no doubt) it is From your ownfimple Innocence : which makes Your Wrong more monftrous and abhor'd. But, Sir, I now will tell you more. This very Minute, It is, or will be doing: And, if you Shall be but pleas'd to go with me, I'll bring you, (l^ire not fay where you fihall fee, but) where Your Ear fhall be a Witnefs of the Deed ; Hear your felf written Baftard : and profeft The common IfTue of the Earth. Ben. I'm maz'd I Mof. Sir, if I do it not, draw your juft Sword, And fcore your Vengeance, on my Front and Face ; Mark me your Villain : You have too much Wrong, And I do fufFer for you. Sir. My Heart .Weeps Blood in AnguiQi Bon. Lead. I follow thee. SCENE III. Volpency Nano, jindro^yno, Caflrdne. ^cl, Mofca ftays long methinks. Bring forth your Sport**. And help to make the wretched Time morefweet. Nan. Dwarf, Fool, and Eunuch, well met hen we hi, A ^efiion it were now, whether of us three, Being ail the known Delicates of a rich Man, In pleafmg him, claim the Precedency can ? Caf. 1 claim for my felf And. And, fo doth the Fool, Nnn. 'IV; fooliJJj indeed : let me fet you both to Schod* Tirji, for your Dwarf, he's little and witty ^ And every thing, as it is little, is pretty j Elfe why do Men fay to a Creature of my Shape, So foon as they fee him, it's a pretty little Ape > And why a pretty Ape? but for pleafmg Imitation Of greater Me; is A6lions, in a ridiculous Fafn§n, Be fide this feat Body of mine doth not crave Half the Meat, Drink, and Cloth, one of your Bulks will have. Admit 44 VO LP ONE: Or, Admit your IBooU lace he the Mother ef Laughter, Yet, for his Brain, it mufi always come after : And though that do feed him, it's a pitifd Cafe, His Body is beholding to fuch a bad Face. Vfilp. Who's there r my Couch, away, look, Nano, ^ee : [One knocks. Give me my Caps, fiift — go, enquire. l^oWj Cupid, Send it by Mofca, and v;ith fair return. Nan. It is the beauteous Madam — Volp. Would-be Nan. The fame. Volp. Now' torment on mej Squirr her in : For fhe will enter, or dwell here for ever. Nay, quickly, that my Fit were pafh I fear A fecond Hell too, that my loathing this Will quite expel my Appetite to the other : Would fhe were taking now her tedious leav*^' Lord how it threats me what I am to fuffer. SCENE IV^ Lady, Volpcne, Na»o, Women, a.' Lady, I thank you, good Sir. 'Pray you fignifif XJntQ youf Fatron, I am here. This Band' Shews not my Neck enough (I trouble you. Sir, Let me requeft. you, bid one of my Women Come hither to me) in good faith, I am dreft Moft favourably to day ; it is no matter, *Tis well enough. Look, fee, thefe petulant things! How they have done this! Volp, I do feel the Fever Entring in at mine Ears ; O, for a Charm, To fright it hence. Lad, Come nearer: is this Curl In his right Place ? or this ? why is this higher Than all the reft ? You ha' notwafh'd your Eyes, yet > Or do they not ftand even i' your Head ? Where's your fellow ? call her. Nan. Now, St, Mark Deliver us y Anon, fhe'll beat her Women, Becaufe her Nofe is red. Lad. I pray you, view This Tire, forfooth : Are all things apt or no ? Worn, One Hair a little here, fticks out, forfooth. Lad, TZ'^ F O X. 4f Ijtd. Dos't fo forfooth? And where was your dear fight When it did (o forfooth? What now? Bird-eyM > And you too ? Tray you both approach, and mend it, ^ Now (by that h'ght) I mufe, yo'are not aftiam'dl I, that have preach'd thefe things, fo ofr, unto you. Read you the Principles, argu'd all the Grounds, Difputed every fitnefs, every grace, Caird you to counfel of fo frequent dreflings {Nan, More carefully, than of your Fame or Honour) Lad. Made you acquainted, what an ample Dowry The knowledge of thefe things would be unto you. Able, alone, to get you Noble Husbands At your Return: and you thus to negled k\ Befides, you feeing what a curious Nation Th' Italians are, what will they fay of me > The EngUJh Lady cannot drefs her felf j Here's a fine Imputation to our Countrey! Well,: go your ways, and day i* the next Room. This ftlcus was too courfe too, ic*s no matter. Good Sir, you'll give 'em Entertainment ? Volp. The Storm comes toward me. Lad, How does my Volp ? Volp. Troubled with Noife, I cannot fleepj I dreamt That a ftrange Tur'^ entred, now, my Houfe, And, with the dreadful Tempeft of her Breath, Bid cleave my Roof afundcr. £tfi. Believe me, and I Had the moft fearful Dream, could I remember it Volp. Out on my Fate j I ha* given her the Occafion How to torment me : fhe will tell me hers. Lad. Methought, the golden Mediocrity Polite 5 and Delicate ' Vclp. O, if you do love me. No more: I fweat: and fuffer, at the mention Of anv Dream: feel how I tremble yet. Lad, Alas, good Soul! The Paflion of the Heart. Seed-pearl were good now, boil'd withSyrup of Apples, TinftureofGold, and Coral, Citron-Pills, Your Ellicampanc Root, Myrobalanes .. ■ ■ Volf 45 VOLPONE: Or, . Volp. Ay me, I have tane a Orafs-hopper by the Wing. Lad. Burnt Silk, and Amber, you have Mufcadel Good i'th' Houfe — F(?//'. You will not drink, and part ? Lad. No, fear not that. I doubt, we fnall not get Some Englijh Saffron (half a Dram would ferve) Your fixteen Cloves, a little Musk, dri'd Mints, Buglofs, and Barley-meal \-Volp, She's in again j Before 1 fain'd Difeafes, now I have one. Lad, And thefe apply*d, with a right Scarlet Cloth— Volp. Another Flood of Words! a very Torrent'. Lad, Shall I, Sir, make you a Poultife J Volp, No^ no, no, I'm very well : You need prefcribe no more. 1 Lad, I have a little ftudied Phyfick j but now, I'm all for Mufick, fave i' the Forenoons, An hour or two for Painting. I would have A Lady, indeed, t' have all, Letters, and Arts, Be able to Difcourfe, to Write, to Paint, But principal (as Plato holds) your Mufick (And fo does wife Pyihagoras, I take it) Is your true Rapture j when there is confent In Face, in Voice, and Cloths : And is indeed. Our Sexes chiefcfl Ornament, Volp, The Poet, As old in time as Plato, and as knowing. Says, That our highefl Female Grace is SilenceJ Lad, Which o' your Poets J Petrarch? or Tajpoi or Dante ? Cuerrini f Aricfio f Aret'me ? Cieco di Hadr'ia? I have read them all. Volp. Is every thing a Caufe to my Deftru£i:ion > Lad. I think, I ha' two or three of 'em about me! • Volp, The Sun, the Sea, willfooner both fland ftill. Than her eternal Tongue ! nothing can '/cape h. Lad, Here's Pafior Fido-^—^ Volp. Profels obflinate. Silence; That's now my fafeft. Lad. All our Englijl) Writers, I mean fuch as are happy in th' Italian, Will "Ih FOX, iff Will deign to fteal out of this Author, mainly j Almoft as much, as from Montagnie : He has fo modern and facile a Vein, Pitting the time, and catching the Court-ear i Your Petrarch is more pallionate^ yet he. In days of fonnetting, trufting 'em with much i Dame is hard, and few can underftand him. But, for a defperate Wit, t\\txt's Aretine! Only, his Pidures are a little obfcene ?— — . You mark me not > Volp. Alas, my Mind's perturb'd. Lad. Why, in fuch Cafes, .we muft cure our felvcs. Make ufe of our Philofophy^ Volp.O'y me. Lad. And, as we find our Paflions do rebel. Encounter 'em with Reafon j or divert *em. By giving fcope unto fome other Humour Of lefler Danger : as, in Politick Bodies, There's nothing, more, doth overwhelm the Judgment^ And clouds the Undevftanding, than too much Settling and fixing, and (as 'twere) fubfiding Upon one Objeft. For the incorporating Of thefe fame outward tilings, into that part. Which we call mental, leaves fome certain /ctr/, ' That flop the Organs, and, as Plato fays, AfTaffinates our Knowledge. Volp. Now, the Spirit Of Patience help me. Lad. Come, in Faith, I muft Vifit you more a-days : and make you well: Laugh ard be lufty. Volp. My good Angels fave me. Lad. There was but one fole Man in all th' World, With whom I e're could fympathize ; and he Would lye you often, three, four Hours together. To hear me fpeak: and be (fometiine) fo rap't As he would anfwerme quire from the Purpofe, Like you, and you arc like him, juft. I'll difcourfe (And'tbe but only. Sir, to bring you afleep) How we did fpend our Time, and Loves t9gether. For fome fix Years. Vclp. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.' Lad. For we VftrtcoAtanei, and brought up ■ ■ ■ ' Volp. Some Power, fome Fate, fome Fortune rcf- cue mc. SCENE 4^ V O L P O N E : Or, S C E N E V. Mofca, Lady, Volpone. Mefca, God fave you. Madam. i^^.Good Sir. Volpl Mofca? Welcome^ Welcome to my Redemption. Mof, Why, Sir? Volp, Oh, Rid meofthismyTerture, quickly, there; My Madam, with the everlafting Voice : The Bells in time of Peftilence, ne'er made Like Noife, or were in that perpetual Motion ! The Cock-pit comes not near ir. All my Houfe, But now, fteam'dlike a Bath, with her thick Breath^ A Lawyer could not have been heard j nor fcarce 'Another Woraon, fuch a hail of Words She has let fall. For Hell's fake, rid her hence. Mof. Has fhe prefented > Volp. O, I do not care, I'll take her abfence, upon any Price, With any lofs.M My Spirits are return'd ; I am alive : And likeyour wanton Gamefter, at Vrmero] Whofe thought had whisper'd to him, not go lefsj Methinks I lye, and draw for an Encounter. SCENE' VI. Mofca, Bonariff, Mofia.S\r,htrc conceard,you may hear all.But pray yott Have Patience, Sir j the fame's your Father, knocks: [One knocks, I am compell'd to leave you. Bon, Do fo. Yet, Cannot my thought imagine this a Truth. SCENE VII. Mofca, Corvino, Celia, Bonario, Volpone, 24ofca. Death on rae ! You are come too foon, what meant you ? Did not I fay, I would fend > Corv. Yes, but Ifear*d You might forget it, and then they preventus. Mof. Prevent? did e're Man haftefo, forhisHorni? A Courtier would not ply it (o, for a Place. Well, now there's no helping it, ftayhercj I'll prefently return. Ccrv, Where are you, Celia > You know not wherefore I have brought'you hither ? Cel. Not well, except you told me. Corv. Now I will : Hark hither. Mof, Sir, your Father hath fent Word, [To Bonarif, It will be half an Hour e're he come ; And therefore, if you pleafe to walk the while Into that Gallery at the upper end. There are fome Books, to entertain the Time : And I'll take care, no Man fhall come unto you. Sir." Bon. Yes I will ftay there, I do doubt this Fellow. Mof There, he is far enough j he can hear nothing : And, for his Father, I can keep him off. (;orv. Nay, now, there is no flarting backj and therefore, Refolve upon it : 1 have Co decreed. Ir muft be done. Nor, would mov't afore, Becaufe 1 would avoid all Shifts and Tricks, That might deny rae. CeL Sir, letmebefeechyou, AfFeft C fo VOL PONE: Gr, AfFeft notthefeftrange Trials j if you doubt My Chaftity, why lock me up, forever: MakemetheHeir ofDarknefs. Let melive. Where I may pleafe your Fears, if not your Truflt. Corv. Believe it, 1 have no fuch Humour, I. All that I fpeak, 1 mean; yet I am not mad : Not Horn-mad, fee you? Go too, fhew yourfelf Obedient, and a >X'ife. Cel. O Heaven I Corv. I fay it. Do Cg. CeL Was this the Train ? Corv. I have told you Reafons; What the Phyficians have fet down; how much. It may concern me ; what my Engagements are j My means; and the neceflity of thofe means. For my Recovery : wherefore, if you be I^oyal, and mine, be won, refpeA my venture. CeL Before your Honour r Corv. Honour J Tut. a Breath ; There's no fuch thing in Nature : a meer Term Invented to awe Fools. What is my Gold The worfe for touching ? Cloths for being look'd on j Why, this's no more. An old decrepit Wretch, That has no Senfe, no Sinew ; takes his Meat With others Fingers ; only knows to gape. When you do fcald his Gums ; a Voice, a Shadow; And, what can this Man hurt you? C^/. Lord ! what Sp'mt Is this hath entred him ? Corv, And for your FamCj That's fuch a Jig ; as if I would go tell it. Cry it on the Piazza \ who fhallknowit; Ikit he that cannot fpeak it, and this Fellow, . Whofe Lips are i* my Pocket ? Save your felf, ifyouproclaim't, you may. 1 know no other. Should come to know it. Cel. Arc Heaven, and Saints then nothing ? Will they be blind or flupid? Corv. How? Cel, Good Sir, Be jealous flijl, emulate them; and think What hate they burn with toward every Sin. Corv. 1 grant you : if I thought h were a Sin, I would nor urge you. Should 1 offer this To f. -me y ouno frenchman, or hot Tafcan Blood, yiiat had read J^resm, cono'd all his Prints, Knew rhe FOX. f I Knew every quirk within Luftg labynntK, And were pi ofeft Cririck in Lechery ; And I would look upon him, and applaud him. This were a Sin : but here, ':is contrary, A pious Work, meer Charity forPhyfick, And honeft Polity, to aiTure mine own. Cel. O Heaven ! canft thou fuffer Tuch a Change > Volp, Thou art mine Honour, Mofca, and my Pride, My joy, my tickling, my delight,! Gobring'em. Mof, Pleafe you draw near,Sir. Corv. Come on, what— You will not be rebellious? by that Light —^ Mof^ Sir, Signior Corvino, here, is come to fee you. Volp. Oh. Mof. And hearing oftheConfultation had. So lately, for your Health, igcome to offer, Or rather. Sir, to proilitute Corv, Thanks fweet Mofca. Mof. ( As the true fervent Tnftance of his Love) His own moft fair and proper Wife j the Beauty, Only of Price in Venice Corv. 'Tis well urg'd. Miff. To be your Comfortrefs, and to preferve you. Volp. Alas, 1 am paft already ? Pray you, thank hini For his good Care and Promptnefs; but for that, ^fis a vain Labour e*en to fight *gainfl: Heaven > Applying Fire to a Stone: (uh, uh, uh, uh.) Making a deafLeaf grow again. I take Hiswifhes gently, though j and you may tell him. What I have done for him: Marry, my State is hopclefs! Will him to pray for me j and t'ufe his Fortune, With reverence when he comes to't. Mof. Do you hear,Sir? Go to him with your Wife. Corv* Heart of my Father! Wilt thou perfift thus ? Come, I pray thee come. Thou feefl 'tis nothing, Cel'ta. By this Hand, 1 Ihall grow violent. Come, do't, I fay. CW. Sir, kill me, rather : 1 will take down Poyfon, Eat burning Coals, do any Thing — Corv. Bedamn'd, (Heart) I will drag thee hence, home by the Hair ; Cry thee a Strumpet through the Streets ; rip up Thy Mouth unto thy Ears J and flit thy Nofe, Like a raw Rotchet' — Do not tempt me, come. Yield, lana loth — ('^eath) 1 will buy fome Slave C * Whoni ft VOLPONE: Or, Whom I will kill, and bind thee to him, alive j And at my Window, hang you forth : devifing Some monftrous Crime, which I, in Capital Letter?,' Will eat into thy FleQi with Aquafortis, And burning Cor'fives, on this ftubborn Breafl:. Now, by the Blood thou haft incens'd, I'll do'r. CeL Sir, what you pleafe, you may> I am your Martyr, Corv. Be notthusobftinate, I ha* notdefery'd it : . Thinkwhoitisintreatsyou. 'Pr'y thee. Sweet $ (Good faith) thou {halt have Jewels, Gowns, Attires, What thou wilt think, andask. Dobutgokifs him. Or touch him, but. Formyfake. Atmyfute. This once. No? not? I fhall remember this. Will you difgrace me thus J Do' you thirft my undoing > Mof. Nay, gentle Lady, ^eadvis'd. Corv. No, no. She has watch'd her time. God's precious, this is skirvy, *ris very skirvy: Andyouarc Mof, Nay, good Sir, ■Corv. An errant Locuft, by Heaven, a Locuft, Whore, Crocodile, that haft thy Tears prepar'd, Expeding, how thou'lt bid 'em flow. Mef, Nay, 'pray you. Sir, She will confider. C*;/. Would my Life would ferve To fatisfie.Ctfrx^.-(S'death)if (he would but fpeak to him. And fave my Reputation, 'twere fomewhati But, fJMghtfulIy to affed my utter ruin. Mof. I, now you ha' put your Fortune in her Hands. Why i' faith, it is her Modefty, i muft quit her; If you were abfent, fhe would be more coming j I know it : and dare undertake for her. What Woman can before her Husband ? 'pray you. Let us depart, and leave her here. Corv. Sweet Celia, Thou mayeft redeem all, yet ; I'll fay no more : If not, cfteem your felf as loft. Nay, ftay there. Cel, OGod, and his good Angels! whether, whether. Is Shame fled humane Breafts ? that with fuch eafe. Men dare put ofFyour Honours, and their own > Is that, which ever was a Caufe of Life, Now plac'd beneath thebafeft Circumftance J And Modefty an exile made, for Money > yd/: rht FOX. f^ Tclp.l, inCorvinOy and fuch Ear-fed Minds, [He leaps ojffrom his Couch, That never tailed the true Heav*n of Love. AfTure thee, Celia, he that would fell thee. Only for hope of Gain, and that uncertain. He would have fold his Part of Paradife For ready Money, had he met a Cope-man. Why art thou maz'd to fee me thus reviv'd ? Rather applaud thy Beauties Miracle; *Tis thy great Work: that hath, not now alone, Eut fundry times, rais'd rwe, in feveral Shapes, And, but this Morning like a Mountebank, To fee thee at thy Window. I, before 1 would have left my Practice, for thy Love, In varying Figures, 1 would have contented With the blue Proteus, or the horned Flood, Now art thou welcome, Cd. Sir '. Volp, Nay, fly m» not. Nor, let Jhy falfe Imagination That I was Bed-rid, make thee think, I am fo : Thou fhalt not find ir. I am, now, as freih^ As hot, as high, and in as jovial plight. As when (in that fo celebrated Scene, At Recitation of our Comedy, Tor Entertainment of the great Valoys) I afted young Antinous j and attrafted The Eyes and Ears of all the Ladies, prefent, T* admire each graceful Gefture, Note, and Footing,' SONG. Come, my Celia, let us prove. While we can, the [ports of Love, Time will not be ours for ever. He, at length our good will fever j Spend not then his Gifts in vain. Suns, that fet, may rife again : But if once we lefe this Light, *Tis with us perpetual Night, C r Why f 4 V O L P O N E .• Or, Whyfiould we defer our Joys? Fame and Rumour are but Toys. Cannot we delude the Eyes Of a few poor Houfhold Spies ? Or his e after Ears beguile. Thus removed by our wile ? ^is no Sin Loves Fruits tofeal'y But the fweet Thefts to reveal y To be taken J to be feen^ Thefe have Crimes accounted been. Cel. Some Sirenhh^me, or dire Lightning ffrike This my ofFending Face. Velp. Why droops my Celia ? Thou haft in place of a bafe Husband, found A worthy Lover: TJfe thy Fortune well. With Secrecy and Pleafure. See, behold. What thou art Queen of; not in Expeftation, As I feed others : but PoffcfsM and Crown 'd. See, here, a Rope of Pearl; and each, more Orient Than that the brave ^Egyptian Queen carous'd : Diflblve and drink *em. See, a Carbuncle, May put out both the Eyes of our St. Mark i A Diamond would have hroughiLaullia Paulina, When fhe came in like Star-light hid with Jewels, That were the Spoils of Provinces ; take thefe. And wear, andlofe'em: Yet remains an Ear- ring To purchafe them again, and this whole ftate. A Gein but worth a private Patrimony, Is nothing : We will eat fuch at a Meal. The Heads of Parrots, Tongues of Nightingales, The Brains of Peacocks, and of Eftriches Shall be our Food : And, could we get the Phoenix (Though Nature loft her kind) fhe were our Difh. Cel. Good Sir, thefe things might move a mind afFeftedt With fuch Delights ; but I, whofe Innocence Is all Pcan think wealthy, or worth th* enjoying, A nd which, once loft, I have nought to lofe beyond it. Cannot be taken witb thefe fenfual Baits : If you have Confcicnce ■ « > Velp, 'Tis the Beggers Vcrtue, If / tht FOX. if If thou haftWir<^om, hear me, CeViA. Thy Bathes (hall be the Juice ot Jiily-flowcM, Spirits of Rofes, and of Violets, The Milk of Unicorns, and Panthers Breath Gaiher'd in B.»gs, and mix*d with Cretan Wi'neJ. Our Drink fhall be prepared Gold and Amber j Which we will take, until nny Roof whirl rouni With the Vertigo : and my Dwarf fhall dance. My Eunuch fing, my Fool make up the Antick, Whilft we, in changed Shapes, ad Ovid's Tales,- Thou, like Eureka now, and I like Jove, Then I like Mars, and thou like Engine: So, of the reft, till we have quite run through. And wearied all the "Fables of the Gods. Then will 1 have thee in more modern Forms,. Attired like feme fprightly D.ime of France, Brave r«/c<2» Lady, or proud 5/>4?zi;7; Beaut/j Sometimes, unto the Perfian Sophi's Wifej Or theGrand Signior's Mifttefs j and, forchangey To one of our moft artful Courtizins, Or fome quick Negro, or cold Ruffian; And I will meet thee in as many Shapes j Where we may fo transfufe our wandring Souls: Out at our Lips, and fcore up Sums of Pleafures, That the Curious Jhatl not know How to tell them as they flow-, 'And the envious when they find What their Number is, be pin*d, Cel. If you have Ears that will be piercM; orEyesr^ That can be open'd ; a Heart may be touch'd i Or any part, that yet founds Man about you : If you have touch of holy Saints, or Heaven, Do me the Grace to let me Tcape. If not. Be bountiful and kill me. You do know, 1 am a Creature, hither ill betray'd, By one, whofe Shame I would forget it were; If you will deign me neither of thefe Graces, Yet feed your Wrath, Sir, rather than yourLufts C 4 (It S* V O L P O N E : Or, (It is a Vice comes nearer manlinefs) And punifh that unhappy Crime of Nature, Which you mifcall my Beauty : flay my Face, Or poyfon it with Ointments^ for feducing Your Blood to this Rebellion. Rub thefe Hands, With what may caufe an eating Leprofie, X'en to my Bones and Marrow: any thing. That may disfavour me, fave in my Honour. And I will kneel to you, pray for you, pay down A thoufand hourly Vows, Sir, for your Health, Report, and thinJc youVertuous > Vclp. Think m» ^old. Frozen and impotent, and fo report me ? That I had Neftors Hernia, thou would 'ft think. I do degenerate, and abufe my Nation, To play with Opportunity thus long : I fliould have done the Aft, awd then have parleyed, Yeild, or I'll force thee. CeL O ! Juft God. Volp, In vain— — Bon. Forbear, foul Ravifher, libidinous Swine, Free the forc'd Lady, orthoudy'ft, Impoftor. [Helea.ps out from where Mofca had placed hm» But that i am loth to fnatch the Punifhment Out of the Hand of Juftice, thou fhouldft, yot. Be made the timely Sacrifice of Vengeance, Before tlils Altar^ and this Drofs, thy Idol, Lady, let's quit the Place, it is the Den Of Villany j fear naught, you have a Guard :. And he, e're long, fhall meet his juft Reward. Volp. Fall on me. Roof, and bury me in Ruin 5 Become my Grave, that wert my Shelter. O I I am unmask'd, unfpirited, undone, Betray'dto Beggery, to Infamy . SCENE VIIL Mofca, Volpone. Mof Where (hall I run, moft wretched Shame of Men, To beat out my unlucky Brains. Vob, Here, here. What! t;^^ F O X. f7 What! Doft thou bleed > Mof. O that his well-driv'n Sword Had been fo covetous to have cleft me down Unto the Navel, e're 1 liv'd to fee My Life, my Hopes, my Spirits, my Patron, all Thusdefperately engaged, by my Error. Volp. Wo on thy Fortune. Mof, And my Follies^ Sir. Volp. Th' haft made me miferable. Mof, And my felf. Sir. Who would have thought he would have hearkned fo? Volp. What (hall we do \ Mof. I know not j if my Heart Could expiate the Mifchance, I'ld pluck it out. Will you be pleas'd to hang me, or cut my T hroatl And I'll requite you. Sir. Lets die like Romans, Since we have liv'd like Grecians, Volp. Hark, who's there \ [They knock without, 1 hear fome Footing; Oilicers, the Sap, Come to apprehend US; 1 do feel the Brand Hifling already at my Forehead ; now. Mine Ears are boring. Mof, To your Couch, Sir^ you Make that Place good however. Guilty Men Sufpeft what they defcrve ftill. Signior Corbacm ! S C E N E IX. Corhaccio, Mofca, Voltore, Vol^one, Corh. Why, how now, Mofca ? Mofc. O, undone, amaz'd, Sir, Your Son (I know not by what Accident) Acquainted With your Purpofe to my Patron, Touching your Will, and making him your Heir, Entred our Houfevvith Violence, his Sword drawn.' Sought for you, call'd you Wretch, unnatural, Vow'd he would kill you. Corb. Me? Mof Yes, and my Patron. Corb, This Aft fhall difinherit him indeed : C I H«rf Sn V O L P O N E : Or, Here is the Will. Mof, *Tis well, Str. Corh. Right' and well. Be you as careful now for me. Mof» My Life, Sir, Is not more tender'd. I am only yours. Corh. How does he ? will he die fhortly, think'ft thou ? Mof. I fear, he'll out-laft May. Corh. To day ? Mof No, laft out May, Sir. Ccrh. Could'ft thou not gi' him a Dram ? ^of, O, by no means. Sir. Cori'. Nay, I'll not bid vou. Volt» This is a Knave,' I fee. Mof, How, Signlov Volure f Did he hear me? ' Volt. Parafite. Mof Who's that ? O, Sir, moft timely welcome --» Voir, Scarce, to the difcovery of your Tricks, I fear., You are his only ? and mine alfo ? are you not ? Mof Who> I, Sir! Volf. You, Sir. What device is this About a Will > Mof A Plot for you. Sir, Volt. Come, Put not your Foifts upon me, I fhall fccnt 'em. Mof. Did you not hear it? Volt. Yes, 1 hear, Corbaccio Hath made your Patron there his Heir. Mof. *Tis true. By my Device, drawn to it by my Plot. With hope — P^^if. Your Patron fhould reciprocate? And you have promis'd? Mof. For your good, I did^ Sir.. Kay more, I told his Son, brought, hid him here. Where he might hear his Father pafs the Deedj Being perfwaded to it by this Thought, Sir, That the unnaturalnefs, firft, of the A£t, And then his Father's oft difclaiming in him, (Which I did mean t'help on) would fure enrage hini; To do fome Violence upon his Parent, On which the Law fhould take fufficient hold. And you be ftated in a double Hope i Truth be my Comfort, and my Confcience, My only Aim was to dig you a Fortune Out of thcfe two old rotten Sepulchres -— -* VfilL. rhe POX. ij Volt. (I cry thee Mercy, Mofca.) Mof. Worth your Patience, And your great Merit, Sir. And fee the Change I Volt, Why, what Succefs > Mof. Moft haplefs ! You muft help. Sir. Whilft we expe^ed the old Raven, in comes Corvino's Wife, fent hither by her Husband Volt, What, with a Prefcnt > Mof, No, Sir, OIH Vifitation : (I'll tell you how^anon) and {laying long. The Youth he grows impatient, rulnes forth, Seizeth the Lady, wounds me, makes her fwear (Or he would murder her, that was his Vow) T' affirm my Patron to have done her Rape , Which how unlike it is, you fee j and hence With that Pretext he's gone t* accufe his Father, Defame my Patron, defeat you- Volt. Where's her Husband? Let him be fent for ^raight. Monf, Sir, I'll go fetch him. Volt. Bring him to the Scrtit'meo. Mof. Sir, I will. Volt. This muft be ftopt. Mof O you do nobly. Sir. Alas, 'twas laboured all. Sir, for your goodj Nor was there want of Counfel in the Plot: But Fortune can, at any time, o'erthrow The Projefts of a hundred Learned Clerks. SIr» Corb. What's that > Volt. Will't pleafe you. Sir, to go along ? Mof Patron, go in, and pray for our Succefs. Voip. Need makes Devotion : Heaven your Labouf blefs. ACT IV. SCENE I. Politick, Peregrine, Pol. T Told you. Sir, it was a Plot j you fee 1 What Obfervation is. You mention'd me For fome I nft fusions : I will lell you. Sir, (Sinc« «Jo V O L P O N E .• Or, (Since we are met here in the Height of Venict) Some few Particulars, I have fet down. Only for this Meridian, fit to be known Of your crude Traveller} and they are thefe. 1 will not touch, Sir, at youf Phrafe, or Clothes. For they are old. Per. Sir, I have better. Pol. Pardon^ I meant, as they are Themes. Per. O, Sir, proceed: I'll flander you no more of Wit, good Sir. Pol. Firfl, for your Garb, it muft be'grave and ferious. Very referv'd and lockt; not tell a Secret On any terms, not to your Father j fcarce A Fable, but with caution: Make fare choice Both of your Company, and Difcourfe j beware You never fpeak a truth - ■ ■ Per. How. Pol. Not to Strangers, For thofe be they yoii muft converfe with moft: Others I would not know. Sir, but at diftance. So as I ftill might be a Saver in 'em : You fhall have Tricks elfe paft upon you hourly. And then, for your Religion, profefs none. But wonder at the diverlity of all 5 And,- for your par|, proteft, were there no other But limply the La\<^s o' th' Land, you could content you. Nic. Machiavel, and Monfieur Bodine, both "Were of this Mind. Then muft you learn the Ur«. And handling of your Silver Fork at Meals, The Metal of your Glafs: (thefe are main Matters With your Italian) and to know the Hour When you muft eat your Melons and your Figs, Per. Is that a Point of State too > Pol. Here it is: For your Venetian, if he fee a Man Prepofterous in the leaft, he has him ftraightj He has; he ftrips him. TJi acquaint you. Sir, I now have liv'd here ('tis fome fourteen Months :) Within the firft Week of my Landing here. All took me for a Citizen of Venice, I knew the Forms fo well- ■ 1 Per. And nothing elfe. Pol, I had read Contarene, took me a Houfc, Dealt with my ^eivs to furnilh it with Movables — Well, ne FOX. Pol. With certain Projefts that I have. Which 1 may not difcover. Per. If 1 had But one to wager with, I would lay odds now. He tells me inftantly. Pol. One is (and tliat I care not greatly who knows) to ferve the State Of Venice with Red Herrings for three Years, And at a certain Rate, from Rotterdam, Where 1 have Corrcfpondence. There's a Letter, Sent me from one o* th' State?, and to that purpofe % He cannot write his Name, but that's his Mark. Per. He is a Chandler. Pol. No, a Cheefmonger. There are feme others too with whom I treat About the fam« Negociation j And I will undertake it : For, 'tis thus, I'll do't with eafc, I have caft it all : Your Hoy Carries but three Men in her, and a Boy ; And fhe fhall make me tjiree Returns a Year : So if there come but one of three, I favej If two, I can defalk; But this is now. If my main Projed: fail. Per. Then you have others l Pel. I fhould be loth to draw the fubtil Air Of fuch a Place, without my thoufand Aims. I'll not diflTemble, Sir; where e'er I come, 1 love to be confiderative ; and 'tis true, I have at my free Hours thought upon Some certain Goods unto the State of Venice, Which 1 do call my Cautions j and. Sir, which : I mean (in hope of Penfion) to propound To the great Counfel, then unto the Fbrty, So to the Ten. My Means are made already " Per. By whom ? Pol. Sir, that though his Place b* obfcure. Yet he can fway, and they will hear him. He's A Commandadore. Per. What, a common Serjeant ► Pol, Sir, fuch as they arc, put it in their Mouths. What 6t V O L P O N E : 0^ What they fhould fay, fometimes, as well as greater.^ I think I have my Notes to Ihew you— P^r. Good Sir. Pol. But you fhall fwear unto me, on your Gentry, Kot to anticipate Per, I, Sir ? Pel, Nor reveal A Circumftance My Paper is not with me. Per. O, but you can remember. Sir. Pol. My fiift iV Concerning Tinder-boxes. You muft know No Family is here without its Box. Now, Sir, it being (o portable a thing. Put cafe, that you or 1 were ill afFeded Unto the State, Sir, with it in our Pocket?; Might not I go into the Arfenaly Or you, come out again, and none the wifcr ? per. Except your felf, Sir. Pol, Go to then- I therefore Advertife to the State, how fit it were. That none but fuch as were known Patriots, Sound Lovers of their Country, fhould be fuffer'd T* enjoy them in their Houfes j and even thofc Seal'd at fome Office, and at fuch a bi^nefs As might not lurk in Pockets. Per. Admirable ! Pol. My next is, how t' enquire, and be refolv'd. By prefent Demonftration, whether a Ship, Newly arriv'd from Sor'm^ or from Any fufpeded Part of all the Levant, Be guilty of the Plague: And where they ufe To lie out forty, fift/ days fometimes. About the LazarettOy for their Trial, I'll fave that Charge and Lofs unto the Merchant, And in an Hour clear the Doubt. Per. Indeed, Sir > PqI^ Or 1 will lofe my Labour. Per. *My faith, that's much. Pol. Nay, Sir, conceive me. *Twill cofl me fa ^ Onions, Some thirty L'tvres — Per. Which is one Pound Sterlings . Pol. Befide my >5f'ater-works : For this I do. Sir. FIrft, I bring in your Ship *twixt two Brick- walls j (But thofe the State (hall venture) on the one 1 drain me a fair Tarpaulin, and in that i The F O X. 65, Tftkk my Onions, cut in halfsj the other Is full of Loop-holes, out at which I thruft The Nofes of my Bellows 5 and thofe Bellows I keep, with Water-works, in perpetual Motion^ (Which is the eafieft matter of a hundred.) Now, Sir, your Onion, which doth naturally Attrad th' Infeftion, and your Bellows blowing The Air upon him, will fhew (inftantly) By his chang'd Colour, if there be Contagion, Gr elfe remain as fair as at the firft. Now 'tis known, 'tis nothing. Per. You are right. Sir.' PoL I would I had my Note. Per. 'Faith^ fo would 1 1~ But you ha' done well for once, Sir.. Pol. Were I falfe. Or would be made fo, I could fhew you Reafons How I could fell this State now to the Turk, Spite of their Gallics, or their — Per. Pray you. Sir Pol, Pol. I have 'em not about me. Per. That I fear'd.. They are there. Sir, Pol. No, this is my Diary, Wherein I note my Aftions of the Day, Fer. Pray you, let's fee. Sir. What is here? Notan- dum, A Rat had gnaw'd my Spur-leathers 5 notwithftanding^ , 1 put on new, and did go forth : but firft r threw three Beans over theThrefhold. Item 1 went and bought two Tooth-picks, whereof one I burft immediately, in a Difcourfe With a Butch Merchant, 'ho\xt Ragion del State. From him I went, and paid a Mocc'migo Tor piecing my Silk Stockings ; by the way I cheapned Sprats j and at St. Mark*s I urin'd. 'Faith thefe are Politick Notes ! Pol. Sir, I do flip No Aftion of my Life thus, but I quote if. Per. Believe me, it is wife! Pol. Nay, Sir, read forth,. SCENE II. Lady, Nano, Women, Politick, Peregrine, I- B Lady. Where fhould this loofe Knight be trow ? Sur4 H|^ he's Hous'd. ^mKano. Why} then he's faft. ^V Lady, 1 «4 V O L P O N E ; Or, Lady, I, he plays both with me. I pray you ftay. This Heat will do more harm To my Complexion, than his Heart is worth. (I do not care to hinder, but to take him.) How it comes oiF! Worn. My Matter's yonder. Ladyl Where \ Worn* With a young Gentleman. Lady, That fame's the Party ! In Man's Apparel. 'Pray you. Sir, jog my Knight: I will be tender to his Reputation, However he demerit. Tol. My Lady ! Per, Where > Pol. 'Tis fhe indeed. Sir j you fhall know her. She is^ Were fhe not mine, a Lady of that Merit, Tor Fafnion and Behaviour} and for Beauty I durft compare — Per. It feems you are not jealous. That dare commeod her. Vol. Nay, and for Dif- courfe — Per. Being your Wife, llie cannot mifs that. Pol. Madam, Here is a Gentleman, 'pray you ufe him fairly } He feems a Youth, but he is Lady, None. PoU Yes, one Has put his Face as foon into the World — - Lady, Youm«an, as early ? but to day? Pol, How's this! Lady, Why in this Habit, Sir, you apprehend me. Well, Mafter Would-he, this doth not become you ; 1 had thought, the Odour, Sir, of your good Name Had been more precious to you j that you v/ould not Have done this dire MalTacre on your Honour 5 One of your Gravity ,^ and Rank befides ! But Knights, I fee, care little for the Oath They make to Ladies 5 chiefly, their own Ladies.. Pol. Now, by my Spurs, (the fymbol of my Knight- hood) (Per. Lord, how his Brain is humbled for an Oath!) Pol. I reach you nor. L^^y. Right, Sii?, yourPoliti* May bear it through thus. Sir, a Word with you. I would be loth to conteft Publickly Wiib any Gentlewoman, ox to feena Proward, thi FOX. 6f Froward Of violent (as the Courtier fays) It comes too near Rufticity in ?. Lady, Which I would fliun by all means j and however I may deferve from Mr. Would-be, yet T' have one fair Gentlewoman thus be made Th' unkind Inftrument to wrong another. And one fhe knows not, I, and to perfevere j In my poor Judgment, is not warranted From being a Solxc'tfm in our Sejc, If not in Manners. Per. How is this ! Vol, Sweet Madam, Come nearer to your Aim. Lad. Marry, and 1 will. Sir, Since you provoke me with your Impudence, And Laughter of your Land-5;>^» here. Your Spori4s, your Hermaphrodite — - Per, What's here J Poetick Fury, and Hiftorick Storms \ Pol. The Gentleman, believe it, is of worth. And of our Nation. Lad. I. y our Whit e-Triar$^2ii\on\ Come, I blufh for you, M^^tx Would-be y Ij And am afham*d you fhould ha' no more Forv^head, Than thus to be the Patron, or St. George, To a lewd Harlot, ^ ba fe Fricatrice, A Female Devil, in a Male Out-fide, PoU Nay, And you be fuch a one, ImuftbidAdleu To your Delights. The Cafe appears too liquid. Lad. I, youmay carry'tclear, with your State-face! But for your Carnival Concupifcence, Who here is fled for Liberty of Confcence, From furious Perfecution of the Marfhal, Herwill Idifc'ple. Per. Thisisfine, i'faith! And do you ufe this often \ Is this part Of your Wits Exercife, 'gainft you have Occafion ? Madam Lad. Go to. Sir. Per. Do you hear me, Lady? Why, ifyour Knight have fet youtobegShirts, Go to invite me home, you might have done it A nearer way by far. Lad, This cannot work you Outofn^ Snare. Per. Why? Am I in it, then J Indeed your Husband told me you were fair. And fo you are ; only your Nofe enclines (That Side that's next the Sun) to the Queen-Apple,' Lad^ 46 the FOX. lad. This cannot be endur'd, by any PatiencCr SCENE III. Mofca, Lad'^i Peregrine. Ujfca, What's the matter. Madam ? Lad. If the Senate Right not my queft in thisi 1 will proteft againft 'em To all the World, no Ariflocracj, mf. What is the fnjury, Lady \ Lad, Why the Callct You told me of, here 1 have tane difguis'd. Mof. Who ? this \ what means your Ladylbip \ the . Creature I mehtionMtoyoiT, isapprehended, now. Before the Senate -, you fhall fee her — Lad. Where ? Mof. I'll bring you to her. This young Gentleman, I faw him land this Morning at the Port. Lad, Is't pofTible ! how was my Judgment wander'd ! Sir, Imuft, blufhing, fay to ycu, Ihaveerr'dj And plead your Pardon \ Per. What, more Changes yet \ Lad. 1 hope yc * ha' not the Malice to remember A Gentlewoman's PafHon. If you ftay InVenkehtrt, pleafeyouto ufenie. Sir * Mof, Will you go, Madam? Lad. 'Pray you, Sir, ufe me : In fiith. The more you fee me, the more I fhall conceive You have forgot our Quarrel. Per, This is rare I Sir Politick Would-be ? No, Sir Politick Bawd ! To bring me thus acquainted with his Wife ! Well, Yi\(eS\rPol. fince you have praftis'd thus UponmyFrefhrnan-fhip, I'll try your Salt-head, What Proof it is againft a Counter- plot. SCENE W, Voltore, CorbacciOy Corvine, Mofca^ Well, now you know the' Carriage of the Buflnef^^ Your Conftancy is all that is requir'd Unto the Safety of it. Mof. Is the Lie Safely convey "d amongft us ? is that fure J Knows every Man his Burden > Corv. Ycs» Mof, Then ihrirxk not.- 1^^ VO LP ONE.- Or, 6j €orv. But knows the Advocate the Truth ) Mcf, O, Sir* By no means. 1 devis'd a formal Tale, Thatfalv'd your Reputation. But be valiant, Sir. Corv. Ifearnoonebut him, that this his Pleading ;5ho.uldmakehimftandfora Co-heir — Mef. Co-halter J Hang him, wewillbutufe his Tongue, his Nofe, As we do Croakers here. Corv. I, what fhallhedo ? Mof. When we ha' done, you mean > Corv. Yes. AJof. \Vhy, we'll think: StWhim for Mttmmia, he's half Duft already. Do you notfmile, to fee this Buffalo [To VoUoriy How he doth fport it with his Head ? — I fhould Ifall were well, andpaft. Sir, only you [To Corhaccio, Are he that fhall enjoy the Crop of all. And thefe not know for whom they Toil. Corh. I Peace, Mof. But you (hall eat it. [To Corvino, Much WorfhipfulSir, [ThentoVoUore agaitt^ Mercurry fit upon your thundering Thngue, Or the French Hercules, and make your Language As conquering as his Club, to beat along (AswithaTempeft) flat, our Adverfaries; But much more yours, Sir^ Volt. Here they come, ha'doncj Mof. I have another Witnefs, if you need. Sir, I can produce. Volt. Who is it ? Mof. Sir, I have her. SCENE V. 'Avocatorl ^, Bonario, Celia, Volt ore t Corhaccio j Corvlnol Mofca, Notario, Commendadorl, uivocatori^. The like of this the Senate never heard of. uivtc. z. "Twill come mod itrange to them, when we report if. Avoc. 4. The Gentlewoman has been ever held Of unreproved Name. Avoe. 3. So the young Man. Avoc. 4< The more unnatural Part that of his Father. Avoc. 1. More of the Husband. Av$c,\.\noiktiow to give Mis Aft a Name, it is fomonftrous! Avoc. 4. Butthelmpoftor, he is a Thing created T' exceed Example ! Av»c. i. And all after-times! Avicl 69 VOL PONE: Or, uivoc. *. I never heard a true Voluptuary Defcrib'd, but him. ^vec. 5. Appear yet thofe were cited ^ JSota. AW hut the old Magnificff, Volpone. Av0C. I. Why is not he here \ Mof. Pleafe your Fatherhoods, Here is his Advocate : Himfelf 's fo weak. So Feeble Avoc. 4. What are you.? . Bon, Mis Paraflte, Tils Knave, his Pandar : 1 befeech the Court, He may be forc'd to ccme, that your grave Eyes May bearflrong Witnefs ofhisftrange Impoftures, Volt, Upon my Faith and Credit, with your Vertues^. He is not able to endure the Air. Avoc. 2. Bring him, however. Avoc. 3. Wewillfeehim. Avoc. 4. Fetch him» Volt. Your Fatherhood's fit Plcafures be obey'd j But Aire, the Sight will rather move your Pities, Than Indignation : May it pleafe the Court, In the mean time, he may be heard in me. I know this Place moft void of Prejudice, And therefore crave it, fince we have no reafott To fear our Truth fhould hurt our Caufe. Avoc. |. Speak free. VoU. Then know, moft honoured Fathers, I'muft now Difcoverto your ftrangely abufed Ears The moft pjodigious and moft frontlefs Piece Offolid Impudence, and Treachery That ever vicious Nature yet brought forth To fhame the State of Venice. This lewd Woman (That wants no artificial Looks, or Tears, To help the Vizor fhe has now put on) Hath long been known a clofe Adultrefs To thatlafcivious Youth there; not fufpefted, I fay, but known, and taken in the Aft With him 5 and by this Man, the eafie Husband,' Pardon'd ; whofe timely Bounty makes him now Stand here, the moft unhappy, innocent Perfon That ever Man's own Goodnefs made accus'd. Torthefe, not knowing how to owe a Gift Of that dear Grace, but with their Shame j being plac'd So' I ne FOX. 69 "So* above all others of their Gratitude Began to hate the Benefit 5 and, in Place Of Thanks, devife t'exiirp the Memory OffuchanAft: Wherein 1 pray your Fatherhoods T'obferve the Malice, yea, the Rage of Creatures, Difcover'd in their Evils, and what Heart Such take, even from their Crimes. But that anon Will more appear. This Gentleman, the Father, Hearing of this foul Faft, with many others. Which daily flruck at his two tender Ears, And griev'd in nothing more than that he could flOC Prercrve himfelf a Parent, (his Son's Ills, Growingto that (trange Flood) atlafldecreed Todifinherithim. Avoc. i. Thefe be ftrange Turns! -/fx'#c.2.TheyoungMan'sFarae was ever fair and honcftj Volt. So much more full of danger \% his Vice, That can beguile fo, under fhade of Virtue. But, as 1 faid, (my honour'd Sires) his Father Having this fettled Purpofe, (by what means To him betray 'd, we know notj and this Day Appointed for the Deed j that Parricide. ^Icannotftile him better^ by Confederacy Preparing this his Paramour to be there, Entred Volpom''s Houfe (^who was the Man, Your Fatherhoods muftunderfland, defign'd Tor the Inheritance^ there, fought his Father : Butwith what Purpofe fought he him, ray Lords.' (I tremble to pronounce if, that a Son Unto a Father, and to fuch a Father, Should have fo foul, felonious intent j It was to murder him: When, being prevented By his more happy Abfence, what then did he ? Not check his wicked Thoughts jno, nownewDeedsj (^Mifchief doth ever end where it begins j An Aft ofhorrour. Fathers I Hedragg'd forth The aged Gentleman that had there lien Bed-rid Three Years and more, out of his innocent Couch, Naked upon the Floor, there left him $ wounded His Servant in the Face, and with this Sirumper, ' ' The 70 V O L P O N E : Or^ The Stale to his forg'dPraftce, who was glad Tobefoadive, (1 fhallheredefire Your Fatherhoods to note but my Colleftions, As moft remarkable^ thought at once to flop His Father*s Ends, difcredit his free Choice In the old Gentleman, redeem themfelves. By laying Infamy upon this Man, To whom with blufhing, they fhould owe their Live?^ Avoc. I. What Proofs have you of this J Bon. Moft honour'd Fathers, I humbly crave there be no credit given, To this Man's mercenary Tongue. Avcc. 2. Forbear, Bon. His Soul moves in his Fee. Avoc. 3. O, Sir. Bon. This Fellow, For fix Soux^movGy would plead againfl his Maker, Avoc, 1 . You do forget your felf. Volt. Nay, nay, Grave Fathers, Let him have fcope : Can any Man imagine That he will fpare his Accufer, that would not Have fpar*d his Parent ? Avoc. I. >55^ell, produce your Proofs. Cel. 1 would I could forget I were a Creature.' Volt, S\gmotCorbaccio. Avoc. 4. What is he? rWf. Th« Father. Avoc. z. Has he had an Oath? l^ot. Yes. Corb, Whatmuft 1 do now ? Not. Your Teftlmony'scrav'd, Corb. Speak to the Knave > ril ha' my Mouth firfl (topt with Earth j my Heart Abhors his Knowledge : 1 difclaim in him. Avoc. I . Buf^for what Caufe ? Corb. ThemeerPortent of Nature: He is an utter Stranger to my Loins. Bon. Have they made you to this ! Corb. I will not hear thee, MonflerofMen, Swine, Goat, Wolf, Parricide, Speak not thou Viper. Bon. Sir, I wijlfitdown. And ratherwifh my Innocence fhould fuffer. Than I refift the Authority of a Father. Volt, Signior Corvino, 'Avoc] ne FOX. 71 Tv9e, 2. This is ftrange ! Avoc. i. Who*s this \ Not. The Husband. A'voc.j^, Is hcfworn \ 2sot. He 15. ^x'tff. 3. Speak then. C^^rf. This Woman ('pleafc your Fatherlioods) is a Whore, Of moft hot Exercife, more than a Partrich^ Upon Record Avoc. i. No more. C^rv. Neighs like a Jennet. Not. Prefcrve the Honour of the Court. Corv, I fhall. And Modefty of your moft reverend Ears. And yet I hope that I may fay, thefe Eyes Have feen her glew'd unto that piece of Cedar, That fing^'ell-timberM Gallant j and that here TheLettCTS may be read, thorow the Horn, That make the Story perfed. Mof. Excellent ! Sir. Corv. There is no Shame in this now, is there? Mof. None Corv. Or if 1 faid, I hop'd that fhe were onward To her Damnation, if there be a Hell Greater than Whore and Woman j a good Catholick- May make the doubt AvoCf 2. His Grief hath made him frantick, Avoc. I. Remove him hence. Avoc. 2. Look to the Woman [She Swoons, Corv. Rare! Prettily fei^n'd! Again! Avoc. 4. Stand from ^bout her. Avoc. I. Give her the Air. Avoc. 3. What can you fay > ^/r/. My Wound ('May't pleafe your Wifdoms^ fpeaks for me, receiy'd In aid of my good Patron, when he mift His fought for Father, when that weli-taught Dame Had her Cue given her, to cry out, a Rape. £on. O, moft laivHinpudence ! Fathers— —— Avoc. 3. Sir, befllentj You had your heai ing free, fo niuft they theirs. Avoc. 2. 1 do begin to doubt th'Impofture here, Avoc. 4. This Woman has too many Moods. Volt. Grave Fathers, She is a Creature of a moft profeft AndproftitutedLewdnefs. Ccrv, Moft impetuous ! Unfatisfied, 7» V O L P O N E : Or, Unfatisfied, Grave Fathers! Voh. May her Feigning* Not take your Wifdcms : But this day (he baited A Stranger, a grave Knight, with her ioofe Eyes, And more lafavious Kifles. This Man faw *em Together on the Water, in a Gondola. Mof. Here is the Lady her felf, that faw 'em too. Without J who then had in the open Streets Purfu'd them, but for faving her Knight's Honour, Avoc. I. Produce that Lady. Avoc, 2. Let her come. Avoc. 4. Thefe things, They ftrike with Wonder. Avoc. 3. I am turn'd a Stone. S C E N E VI. i Mofca, Lady, Avocatorij &c. Be refolute. Madam. Lad. I, this fame is fhe." Our, thou Chamehon Harlot ; now thine Eyes Vie Tears with theHyafia : Dar'ft thou look Upon my wronged Face ? I cry your Pardons, 1 tear I have (forgettingly) tranfgrefl; Againft the Dignity of the Court — Avoc. a. No, Madam. Lad. And been exorbitant ■ Avoc.z. You have not. Lady. Avoc. 4. Thefe Proofs are ftrong. Lad. Surely, I had noPurpOfe Tofcandalizs your Honours, or my Sexes. Avoc. 3. Wedobelieveir. Lad. Surely, you may believe ft. Avoc. z. Madam, we do. Lad. Indeed you may ; my Breeding Isnotfocourfe — Avoc.^. We know it. Lad.To offend WithPfirtinacy — Avoc. 3. Lady. X^^.SuchaPrcfence! No, furely. ^x'^tr. 1. We well think it. Lad, You may think it. Avoc. i.Lethero'recome. What Witnefles have you. To make good your Report! Bo?^. Our Confciences. jCc/. And Heaven, that never fails the Innocent. Avoc. 4, Thefe are no Teftimonies. Son. Not in your Courts, Where nt FOX. 7V ^here Multitude and Clamour overcomes. Avoc. I. Nay, then you wax infolenr* ^ Volt, Here, here, [VolponQ is trough f'm diknpfiten;^ The Teftimony comes, that will convince. And but to utter dumbnefs their bold Tongue^, See here. Grave Fathers, here's the Ravimer, The Rider on Mens Wives, the great Impoftor, Tht grand Voluptuary ! Do you not think Thefe Limbs fhould affect Venery > or thefe Eyes Covet a Concubine ? Pray you mark thefe Hands : Are they not fit toftrokea Lady's Breads ? Perhaps he doth difTemble? Bon. So he doe?, Volt» Would you ha' him tortur'd > BoPt. I would have him prov'd. Volt, Bell try him then with Goads, or burning Iron$ j Put him to the Strappado : I have heard The Rack hath cur'd the Gout ; 'faith, give It him, A nd help him of a Malady, be courteous, I'll undertake, before thefe honour'd Fathers, Jie fhall have yet as many left Difeafes, As (lie has knowR Adulteries, or thou Strumpetf. O, my moft eciual Hearers, if thefe Deeds, Ads of this bold and moft exorbitant Stain, May pafs with Sufferance, what one Citizen But owes the Forfeit of his Life, yea, Fame, To him that dares Traduce him ? Which of you Are fafe, my konour'd Fathers ? 1 would ask ( With leave of your grave Fatherhoods) if their Plot Have any Face or Colour like Truth ) Or, ifuntothediilleft Noftril here. It fmell not Rank, and moft abhorred Slander > I crave your Care of this good Gentleman, WhofeLife ismuchendanger'd by their Fable j And as for them, I will conclude with this. That vicious Perfons, when they're hot and flefh'd In impious Ads, their Conftancy abounds : Damn'd Deeds are gone with great Confidence. jivoc. I. Take 'em to Cuftody, and fever them. Avoc. 2. *Tis pity two fuch Prodigies fhould live. Avoc. I. Let the old Gentleman be return'd with care : I'm forry our Credulity wrong'd him D jivoc 74 V O L P O N E : Or, ^<%'0C, 4. Thefe are two Creatures I Azoc. 2. I have an Earthquake in me. uiv'oc. 3. Their fhame (even in their Cradles) fled their Faces. Avoc. 4. You've done a worthy Service to the State, Sir, In their Difcovery. Avoc.i. You fhall hear, ere Night, What Punifhmem the Court decrees iipon'etn. Volt. We thank your Fatherhoods, How like you it J Mof. Rare. Vld ha' your Tongue, Sir, tipt with Gold for this j I'Jd ha* you be the Heir to the whole City ; The Earth Pld have want Men, ere you want Lii'ing : They're bound to ereft your Statue in St. Marks. Signior Cor'vino, I would have you go And Ihew your felf, that yoH have Conquer'd, Corv. Yes. Alcf, It was much better that you fliould profefs Your felf a Cuckold thus, than that the other Should have been prov'd. Corv. Nay, I confider'd that : •Now it is her Fault. Mof. Then ft had been yours. Ccrv. True, I doubt this Advocate ftill. Mof. rfaith }*ou need not, 1 dare ciafe you of that Care. Corv. 1 trafi thee, Mofca. JVfc/. As your own Soul, Sir. Corh, 'Mofca, Mof. Now for your Bufinefs, Sir. Corb, How ? Ha' you Bufinefs > Mof None elfe, not I. Corb, Be careful then. Mof. Reft you with both your Eyes, Sir. Corb. Difpatch it. Mof liiftantly. Corb^ And look that all, Whatever, be put in. Jewels, Plate, Monies, Houfhold- fluff". Bedding, Curtains. Mof Curtain- Rings, Sir. Only the Advocate's Fee muft be dedufted, Corb. I'll pay him now j you'll be too Prodigal. Mof Sir, I muft tender it. Corb. 'two Cecch'nies is well. Mof No, Six, Sir. Corb. 'Tis too much, Mpf, He talk'd a great while j You The FOX. 7? Vou muft confider that. Sir. Corb. Well, there's Three Mof, I'll give It him, Corb, Do fo, ^nd there's for thee. Mof. Bountiful Bones ! Wha^ horrid ftrange Offence Did he commit (agairtft Nature, in his Youth, Worthy this Age \ You fee. Sir, how I work Unto your Ends: Take you no notice. Volt. No, I'll leave you. Mof. All iz yours, the Devil and alii Good Advocate. Madam, I'll bring you home. Lad. No, I'll go fee your Patron. Mof. That you fhall not : I'll tell you why. My purpofe is to urge My Patron to reform his Willj and for The Zeal you have fhewn to Day, whereas befor You were but third or fourth, you fhall be now Put in the firft j which would appear as begg'd. If you were prefenr. Therefore Lad, You fliall fway me. ACT V. SCENE I. Volpone. WELL, I am here, and all this brunt is pafl : I ne'er was in Diflike with my Difguife Till this fled Moment; here 'was good, in private j But in your Publick Cave whilft I breathe. •Pore God, my left Leg 'gan to have the Cramp, And I apprehended ftraight fome Power had ftruckmc With a Dead Palfie : Well, I muft be merry. And fhake it off. A many of thefc Fears Would put me into fome villanous Difeafe, Slioutd they come thic!^ upon me: I'll prevent 'em." Give me a Bowl oi Jufty Wine, to fright This Humour from my Heart, (hum, ^hum, hum.) [He Drinks, 'Tis almoft gone already : I fhall conquer. Any Device now, of rare ingenious Knavery, That would poffefs me with a violent L:iughter, P z Would 7S VOLPONE:0r> Would make me up again. So,fo, fo, fo. [Drink again^ This Heat is Life: 'tis Blood by this time : Mcfia .\ SCENE II. Mofca, Volpcne, Nano, Cajlrone. How now. Sir ? Does the Day look clear again > Arc we recover'd, and wrought out of Error, Into our Way, to fee our Path before us? Is our Trade free once more \ Volp. Exquifite, Mofca, Mof, Was it not carried learnedly ? Vol}. Andftoutly, Good Wits are greateft in Extremities. Mof. It were a Folly, beyond thought, to truft Any grand A£k unto a Cowardly Spirit: You are not taken with it enough, methinks. Vol. O, more than if 1 had enjoy 'd the Wench: The Pleafure of all Woman-kind's not like it. V Mof, Why now you fpeak. Sir. We muft here be fixt j Here we muft reft j this is our Mafter-piece : We cannot think we go beyond this. Volp. True, Thou haft plaid thy Prize, my precious Mofca. Mof Nay, Sir, To C3uU the Court —— Volp, And quite divert the Torrent Upon the Innocent. Mof Yes, and to make So rare a Mufick out of Difcords Volp. Right. That yet to me's the ftrangeft! How th' haft born it! That thefe (being fo divided 'mongft themfelves) Should not fcent fomewhat, or in me, or the^. Or doubt their own Side. Mof True, they will not fce't. Too much Light blinds 'em, I think. Each of 'em Js Co polTeft and ftuft with his own Hopes, That any thing unto the contrary, Kever fo true, or never fo apparent, Kever fo palpable, they will refift it — Volp. Like a Temptation of the Devil. Mof Right, Sir. Merchants may Talk of Trade, and your great Siegruors Of Land that yields well ; but if Ital<^ Piave any Glebe more fruitful than thefe Fellows, I am deceiv'd. Did not you Advocate rare ? Volp. O (my moft honour'd Fathers, my grave Fa- th-r?, I Under ^z FOX. 77 tTndcr correftion of your Fatherhoods, What Face of Truth is here ? If thefe ftrange Deeds May pafs moft honour'd Fathers ) I had much ado To forbear Laughing. Mo[. 'T feem'd to m e, you fwear. Sir. Voif, In troth, I did a h'ttle, Mo[. But confefs^Sir, \57ere you not daunted \ Volp. In good faich, 1 was A little in a Mift, but not rejcftedj Never but ftill my felf. Mo[. 1 think it, Sir, Now (fo Tru-h help me) 1 muft needs fjy tliis. Sir, And out of Confcience for your Advocate, He has taken pains, in faith, Sir, and deferv'd (\n my poor Judgment, I fpeak it under favour. Not to contrary you, Sir,) very richly Well — to be cdzen'd. Volp. Troth, and I think io too. By that I heard him, in the latter end. Mo[. O, but before. Sir : Hid you heard him fiift Draw it to certain Heads, then aggravate, Then ufe his vehement Figures I look'd ftill When he would fhift a Shirt 5 and doing this Out of pure Love, no hope of Gain — Volp, * lis right I cannot anfwer him Mo[ca, as I would. Not yet J but for thy fake, at thy intreaty, 1 will begin, ev'n now, to vex *em all. This very inftant. > Mof. Good Sir. Volp, Call the Dwarf And Eunuch forth. Mo[. Cajlrone, Nano. Nan. Here. Volp Shall we have a Jig, now ? M<)/.What you pleafe. Sir. Volp. Go, Straight give out about the Streets, you two. That I am Dead 5 do it with Conftancy, Sadly, do you hear ? Imput* it to tht Grief Of this late Slander. Mof, What do you mean. Sir ) Volp. O, I fhall have inftantly my Vu!tur«, Crow, Raven, come flying hither, (on the New«) To peck for Carrion, my She- wolf, and all^ Greedy, and full of Expe'diation Mcf. And then to have it ravifh'd fromthcfr Mouths > Vclp, 'Tis Trucj I will ha' thee put on a Gown, D 3 And 78 VOL PONE: Or, And take upan thee, as thou wert mine Heir; Shew*em a Will : Open that Cheft, and reach , rorth one of thofe that has the Blanks ; I'll ftraight Put in my Name. JVfc/". It will be rare. Sir. Volt. I, When they ev'n sape, and find themfelves deluded'— Mof, Yes. Veil), And thou ufe them fcurvily. Difpatch, get on thy Gown. Mof. But what. Sir, if they ask After the Body ? Volp. Say, it was Corrupted. Mof. I'll fay, it ftunk. Sir j and was fain t'have it Coffin'd up inftantly, and fcnt away. r^//>. Any thing, whatthou wilt. Hold, here's my Will. Get thee a Cap, a Count-book, Pen and Ink, Papers afore thee; fit as thou wert taking An Inventory of Parcels : I'll get up Behind the Curtain, on a Stool, and hearken ; Sometime Peep over, fee hovj they do look. With what Degrees their Blood doth leave their Faces! O, 'twill afford me a rare Meal of Laughter. ^of. Your Advocate will turn ftark dull upon it. Volp. It will take cfF his Oratories Edge. Mof. But your cUrijJimo, old Round-back, he "Will crump you, like a Hog-loufe, with the touch. Volp. And what Corvine f Mof. O Sir, look for him. To morrow Morning, with a Rope and a Dagger, To vifit all^the Streets 5 he mufl run Mad. My Lady too, that came into the Court, To bear Falfe-witnefs for your Worfhip— Volp. Yes, yind.Kifs me 'fore the Fathers, when my Face Flow'd with Oils. Mof. And Sweat Sir. Why your Gold Is fuch another Med'cine, it dries up All thofe ofFenfive Savours : It Transforms The moft Deformed, and reftores 'em Lovely, As 'twere the flrange Poetical Girdle 'i}ove [Cefios. Could not invent t' himfelf a Shroud more Subtle To pafs Acrifius Guards. It is the thing Makes all the World her Grace, her Youth, her Beauty. Volp. I think ihe loves me. Mof. Who ? the Lady, Sir ? ^he's Jealous of you. Volp. Dofl thou fay fo ? MoJ. Heark, There's the FOX. 75? there's fome alieady. Vol^. Look. Mo[, It \% the Vulture s He has the quickeft Scent. Vo\p. 1*11 to my Place, Thou to thy Pofture. Mo[, 1 am fer. Vol^, But Mo{ca, Play the Artificer now, torture 'em rarely, V S C E N li III. Vohore, Mofca, Corbacch, Corv'mo, Lady, Vol^one. - Volt. How now, my Mofca? Mof. Turky Carpets> nine . Volt,' Taking an Inventory? That is well. Mof. Two Sutes of Bedding, TifiTue Vclt. Where's the Will? Let me read that the while. Corb. So, fet me down. And get you home. Volt. Is he come now, to trouble us \ ' Mof. Of Cloth of Gold, two more— • Corb, Is it done, Mofca? l^of. Of feveral Velvets, ci<^ht Volt. I like his Care. Corb. Doft thou not hear ? ' Corv. Ha? is the Hour come, Mofca? Vol^, 1 now they muiler. [Volpone pfeps from h- ' ' ' kind a Travirfe, Corv. What does.tht Advocat^j here. Or this Corbaccio? Corb, What do thcfc here ? Lad. Mofca f Is his Thred fpun > Mof Eight Chefb.of Lineri • Volp. O, ■' '■ My Fine iLf^mt Would-be too ! Corv. Mofca, the Will, That I miy fhew it thefe, and rid 'em hence. Mof Six Chefts of Diaper, four of Damask— There, Corb. Is that the Will? Mof Djwn Beds and Bolftcrs^ Volp. Rare! Be bufie flill. Now they begin to flutter: They never think of me. Look, fee, fee, fee! How their fwifr Eyes run over the long Deed Unto the NAuie, ^x\^ to the Legacies, W''h3t is bequeathed them therq— Mof Ten Sutes of Hangings Volp. i, i' i\\^\t G^n^x?^ M^fca. No,w their Hope^ Are at the gajfj)'. . VolK i^sfta \\ii Rixi^. 'C(?r^. '. W hatV . that J: ' ' '■^'^1>;4: ■''• " ■' ■' ' Volp 8o V O L P O N E : Of, Volp^ My Advocate is dumb j look to my Merchanf, He has heard of feme ftrange Storm, a Ship is loft. He faints j my Lady will fwoon. Old Glazen Eyes, He hath not reachM his Defpair yet. Corh. All thefe Are out of hope ; I'm fure the Man. Corv. But Adofca — Mof. Two Cabinets-— Corv. Is this in earneft ^ Mof. One ©f Ebony Corv, Or do you but delude me ? Mof. The other, Mother of Pearl — I am very bufie. Good faith, it is a Fortune thrown upon me— « item, one Salt of Agat • not my feeking. Lad. Do you hear. Sir ? Mof. A perfum'd Box *Pray you forbear, Toufee I am troubled — made of 2n Onyx^—Lad.ldovfl Mof. To morrow or next day I fhall be at leifure To talk with you all. Corv. Is this my large Hopes Ifrue> Lad. Sirlmuft have a fairer Anfwer. Moj, Madam! Marry, and fhall : 'Pray you, fairly quit my Houfe. Nay, raife noT^mpeft witli ycur Looks j buthearkyou Remember what your Lridyfhip ofFer'd me To put you in an Heir j go to, think on't : And what you faid e'en your beft Madams did For Maintenance j and why not you ? Enough, Go home, and ufe the poor Sir Pol your Knight well, for fear I tell fome Riddles: Go, be melancholy. Volp. Ot my fine Devil I Corv. Mofca, 'pray you a word. Mof. Lord! will not you take your Difpatch hence yet ? Methinks (of all) you fhould have been th' Example. Why fhould you ftay here r with what thought, what promife ? Hear you? do you not know, I know you an Afs? And that you would moft fain have been a Wittol, 3f Fortune would have let you? that you are A declar'd Cuckold, on good Terms ? This Pearl, You'll fay, was yours ? Right : This Diamond ? I'll not deny't, but thank you. Much here elfe? It may be fo. Why, think that thefe good >3^orks May hekp to hide your bad : I'll not betray you j Although you be but extraordinary And The FOX. 8i knd have it only in Title, it fufficeth. Go home, be melancholy too, or mad. Volp. Rare Mofca! How his Villany becomes him! Volt. Certain he doth delude all thefe for me. Corb. Mofca the Heir ? Yolp. O his four Eyes have found ir. Corb. I amcozen'd, cheated, by a Parafitc-flaye} Harlot, t'haft guU'd me. Mof. Yes, Sir. Stop your mouth> Or I Ihill draw the only Tooth is left. Are not you he, that filthy covetous Wretch, "With the three Legs, that here, in hope of prey, Have any time this three years fnufft about. With your moft grov'iing Nofe^ and would have hir*d Me to the pois'ning of my Patron, Sir? Are not you he that have to day in Court Profefs'd the difinheriting of your Son ? Perjur'd your felf j Go home, and die, and ftinkj If you but croak a Syllable, all comes out : Away, and call your Porters, go, go, ftink. Voip. Excellent Varlet! Volt. Now, my faithful Af(»/fQ3id muft be obferv'd. Marry, my joy is, that you need it not, You have a Gift, Sir, (thank your Education) Will never let you want, while there are Men, And Milice, to breed Caufes. Would I had But half the like, for all my Fortune, Sir.. If 1 have any Sutes (as 1 do hope. Things being fo eafie and dircd, I fhall not) I will make bold with your obftreperous Aid, tConceiye me) for your Fee, Sir. In mean time, D 5 Y6u 8* V O L P O N E : Or, You that have fo much Law, i know ha* the Confcience Kot to be Covetous of what is mine, <3ood Sir, I thank you for my Place ; 'twill help To fet up a young Man. Good faith, you look y\s you were coftivej beft go home and purge. Sir, f^oljf. Bid him eat Lettuce well: My witty Mifchief, Let me embrace thee. O that I could now Transform thee to a Venus ^ Mofca, go. Straight take my Habit of Clar'tjfmo, /^ndwalk the Streets, be feen, torment 'em more: We muft purfue, as well as plot. Who would Have loft this Feaft > Mof. I doubt it will lofe them^ Volp, O, my Recovery fhall recover all. That I could now but think on fome Difguife To meet 'em in, and ask 'em Queftions : How I would vex 'em ftill at every turn J Mof. Sir, I can fit you. Volp. Canft thou ? Mof Yes, 1 know One o' the Comwandat^ri, Sir, fo likt you; Him I will ftraight make drunk, and bring jotL hif Habit. Volp. A rare Difguife, and anfwering *thy Biain! O, 1 will be a fharp Difeafe unto 'em. Mof, Sir, you muft look for Curffcs Volp. Till they burft^ The Fox fares ever beft when he is curft. S C E N E IV. Peregrine, Mercatori 3. Woman, Pollthh] Per. Am I enough difguis'd? J\^^r. 1. 1 warrant yoac. Per. Ail my Ambition is to fright him only. Mer. 2. If you could Ship him away, 'twere excellent. Mer. 3. ToZant, or to Aleppo? Per. Yes, and ha' his Adventures put i' ih' Book of Voyage;, And his gull'd Story regiftred for Truth? Well, Gentlemen, when I am m a while. And that you think us warm in our Difcourfc^ Know your Approaches. Mer. j.Truft it to our CareJ Per. Save you, fair Lady. Is Sir Pol. within ? Worn. I do not know. Sir. Per. Pray you, fay unto him. Here is a Merchant, upon carneft Bufinefs, Defires the FOX. 8jr Defires to fpeak with him, VVom._ . I will fee, Sir. Per. Pray you. ^ I fee the Family is all Female here. Worn, He fays. Sir, he has weighty Affairs of State,' . That now require him whole ; ferae other time You may porfefs him. Per, Pray you fay again. If thofe require him whole, thefe will exadt him. Whereof I bring him Tidings. What might be His grave Affair of State now ? how to make 'Bolognian Saufages here in Venice^ fparing One o' th' ingredients. Worn. Sir, he fays, he knows -\ By your Word, Tidings, that you are no Statefman, And therefore wills you flay. Per. Sweet, pray you return him ; I have not read fo many Proclamations, And fludied them for Words, as he has done ; But — Here he deigns to come. Pol. Sir, I mufl crave Your courteous Pardon. There hath chancM (to day) Unkind Difafler 'twixt my Lady and me. And I was penning my Apology To give her fatisfadion, as you came now. Per. Sir, lam griev'd, I bring you worfcPifafterj The Gentleman you met at th* Port to day. That told you, he was newly arrived PoU I, was A fugitive Punk > Per. No, Sir, a Spy fet on you 5 And be has made relation to the Senate, That you profeft to him to have a Plot To fell the State of Vmke to the Turk. Pol. O me ! Per. For which. Warrants are fign'd by this ;ime. To apprehend you, and to fearch your Study For Papers— Pol. Alas, Sir, I have none, but l^otQS, Drawn out of Play-books Per. All the better. Sir, Pol. And fome ElTays. What fliall Ido? i?^r.Sir,b«ft ^ Convey your felf into a Sugar-Chefh Or, if you would lie round, a Frail were rare. And I could fend you aboard. Pol. Sir, Ibuttalk'd fo. For Difcourfe-fake meerly. [They k?;ock without. Per. Heark, they are ther^, Pol. 1 am a Wretch, a Wretch. Per, What wiU yPU do. Sir \ H «4 V O L P O N E : Or, Ha' you ne'er a Ciirran-But to leap into I They'll put you to the Rack, you muft befudd«n,' Pol. Sir, 1 havcanlngine . {Mer, 3. Siv Politick Would be ? \Mer. a. Where is he ? ) Pol. That I have thought upon before time. Pfr. What is it ? Pol. (1 Ihall ne'er endure the Tor* ture.) Marry, it is, Sir, of a Tortoife-Ihell, Titted for thefe Extremities: pray you, Sir, help m«. Here 1 have a place. Sir, to put back my Legs, f Pleafe you to lay it on. Sir) with this Cap, And my black Gloves. I'll lie, Sir, like a Tortoife, Till they are gone. Per. And call you this an Ingine ? Pol. Mine own Device Good Sir, bid my Wifes Women To burn mv Paper r. [They rufh in. Mer. I. Where's he hid J A^er. 3. We muft And will fure find him. Mer. 2. Which is his Study > Mer. i. What Are you, Sir J Per. 1 am a Merchant, that came here ToJook upon this Tortoife > Mer. 3. How? Mer. i. St. Mark! What Beaft is this? Pfr. It is aFifh. Mer. 2. Come out here. Per. Nay, you may ftrike him, Sir,and tread upon him i He'll bear a Cart. Mer. I. What, to run over him ? Per. Yes, Sir. Mer. 3. Let's jump upon him. Mer, a. Can he not go ? Per. He creeps. Sir. Mer. I. Let's fee him creep. Per. No, good Sir, you will hurt him. Mer. 2, (Heart) I'll feehim creep, or prick his GutS^ Mer. 3. Come our here. Per. Pray you Sir, (creep a little.) Mer. 1. Forth. Mer. 2. Yet farther. Per. Good Sir, (creep.) Mer. 2. We'll fee his Legs. [They pull off the Shell, Mer. 3. Gods fo, he has Garters ! and dif cover him, Mer. 1. 1, and Gloves ! Mer. 2. Is this you, fearful Tortoife ? Mer, Now,SirP^i wearseven-i Jo» The FOX. «jP ForyournextProjeft I fhallbe prepar'd: I am forry for the Funeral of your Notes, Sfr, Mer, 1. Twere a rare Motion to be feen in ^Utt^ jireet. hier. 2. 1, i' the Term. Mer. I. Or Smlthfield in the Fair. Mer. 3. Methinks 'tis but a melancholy Sight, Per. Farewell, mcft politick Tortoife. Pol. Where's my Lady > Knows fhe of this > Worn. 1 know not. Sir. PoL Enquir.t O, 1 Ihall be the Fable of all Feafts, The Freight of the Gazette, Ship boys Tale 5 And, which is worft, even Talk for Ordinaries, Worn. My Lady's come moft melancholy home, And fays. Sir, fhe will ftraight to Sea, for PhyfickJ Pol. And I, to fhun this Place and Clime for «v«r. Creeping with Houfe on Back, and think it well To fhiink my poor Head in my politick Shell. S C E N V. Volponey Mofca, [The fir ft in the Habit of a Commendatore j the ethw of a Clariflimo.] Am I then like him \ Mof, O, Sir, you are he : No Man can fever you. Volp. Good. M^/. But what am I ? Volp. 'Fore Heaven, a brave Clariffimo, thou be* com'fl it. Pity thou wert not born one. Mef. If I hold My made one, 'twill be well. Volp, I'll go and fee What News fiift at the Court. Mof. Do fo. MyFoS Is out on his Hole, and 'ere he fball re-enter, I'll make him languifh in his borrow'd Cafe, Except he come to Compofition with me : .Androgyno, Cafirone, Nano, All. Here. Mof. Go, recreate your felves abroad J go, fport,' So, now I have the Keys, and am pofTefl. Since he will needs be dead afore his time, I'll bury him, or gain by him. I am his Heir, And fo will keep me, till he fhare at leafl. To cozen him of all, were but a Cheat " Wei] S* VOLPPNE: 0^, ^j^c\\ plac'd ; no Man would conftru^ it a Sin : Let his Sport p^y for'tj this is call'd tjie Fox-tMp.' S C E N E VI. CorbAccioy Corvinoj Volpone', Corv, They fay, the Court is fet. . Corv, We muft ni^intain- Our firft Tale good, for both our Reputations. Corb, Why ? mine's no Tale : my Son would there s, have kill'd me. Corv. That's true, I had forgot j mine is, I am fure^ But for your Will, Sir. Corh. I, I'll come upon him For that hereafter, now his Patron's dead. Volp, Signior Corvino ! and Corhaccio ! Sir^ Much Joy unto you. Corv. Of what ? ^ Yolp. The fudden Good Dropt down upon you Corb^ Where ^ Volp. (And none knows how,) from old Volpone, Sir. Corb, Out, errant Knave. Volp. Let notyour too much Wealth, Sir, mak« you furious. Corb. Away, thou Varlet. ^'Volp. Why, Sir >. Corb. Doft thou mock me > Volp. You mock the World, Sir j Did you >not change Wills ! Corb. Outj Harlot. Volp. O! belike you are the Mai^ Signior C<3ri/w^ ? 'Faith, you carry it well j Yx)u grow not mad withal : I love your Spirit : You are not over-leaven'd with your Fortune. You fhould'ha' fome would fwell now, like a Win€-fae Withfuch an Autumn Did he gi' you all, Sir 5 . Corv. Avoid, you Rafcal. Volp. Troth, your Wife has fhewn Her felf a very Woman : but you are v/ell. You need not care, you have a good Eftate, To bear it out. Sir, better by this Chance : "Except -Corbacfio have a Share ? Corb. Hence, Varlet. Velp» You will not be a'known, Sir; why, 'ciswife.. Thus do all Gamefters, at all Games, difTemble. No Man will feem to win. Here comes my Vulture, lieaving his Beak up i' the Air, and fnuffing. SCENE -^ ne F OX. SjJ SCENE vir. Valtore, Volpone, Volt. Out-ftript thus, by a Parafite ? a Slave ? Would run on Errands, and make Legs for Crumbs J Well, what I'll do r Volp. The Court (lays for your Worfhip. Ie*en rejoice. Sir, at your Worfhip's Happinefs, And that it fell into fo learned Hands, That underftand the fingering Volt, What do you mean ? Volp. I mean to be a Suitor to your Worfhip, For the fmall Tenement, out of Reparations, That at the end of your long Row of Houfes^ By the Pifcaria : It was in Volpone's Time, Your Predeceffor, ere he grew Difeas'd, A handfom, pretty, cuftora'd Bawdyhoufe, As any was in Venice, (nonedifprais'd) But fell with himj his Body and that Houfe Df cay 'd together. Volt. Come, Sir, leave your prating. Volp. Why, if your Worfhip give mebutyourHanc?, That 1 may ha' the Refufal, I have done. 'Tis a meer Toy to you, Sir, Candle-rents, As your Learn'd .Worfhip knows ■ Volt, What do I know > Volp. Marry, no end' of your Wealth, Sfrj God dc' creafe it. Volt, Miflaking Knave! what, mock'fl thqu my Misfortune ? Volp. His Bleffing on your Heart, Sfrj would 'twere more. (Now to my firfl again, at the next Corner.) SCENE VIII. Corbaccto, Corvine y (Mofca paflant) Volpone. Corb. See, in our Habit ! fee the impudent Varlet • Corv. That I could fhoot mine Eyes at him, like Gun- ftones. Volp. But is this true. Sir, of the Parafite ? Corb. Again, t'afflift us J Monfter I Volii n ' FOLPONErOr, Volp, In good faith. Sir, I am heartily griev'd, a Beard of your grave length Should be fo over-reach'd. I never brook'd That Parafite's Hair 5 methought this Nofc fhoidd cozen: There ftill was fomewhat in his Lcwk^ did promife The Baneof a C/^ri^w^. Corh. Knave— ^ -F^//. Methinks Yet you, that are fo traded i* the World, A witty Merchant, the fine Bird, Corv'mo. That havefuch mortal Emblems on your Name, Should not have fung your Shame, and dropt your Cheefe, To let the Fox laugh at your Emptinefs. Corv. Sirrah, you think the Privilege of the Place,, And your red faucy Cap, that feems (to me) Nail'd to your Jolt-head, wiihthofe twoCecchines, Can warrant your Abufes j come you hither : You fhall perceive. Sir, I do know your Valour well,. Since you durft publiQiwhat you are, Sir. Corv. Tarry,, ll'd fpeak with you. Volp, Sir, Sir, another time— Corv. Nay, now. Volp. O God, Sir ! I were a wife Man, ^■Would ftand the Fury of a diftraded Cuckold. Corh. What, come again ? [Moka walks by thetfh'. Vfilp, Upon 'em, Mofca 5 fave me. Corh. The Air's infected where he breathes. Corv. Let's fly him. Volp, Excellent Bafilisk ! turn upon the Vulture. . S C E N E IX. Vol tore, Mofca f Volpone. Volt. Well, Flefh-fly, it is Summer with you now5!. Your Winter will come on. Mof. Good Advocate, Pr'ythee not rail, nor threaten out of place thus j Thou 'It make a Soloecifm (as Madam fays.) Get you a Biggen more 5 your Brain breaks loofe. Volt. Well, Sir. Volp. Would you ha' me beat the infolent Slave ? Throw Dirt upon: his firft gDod Cloihes ? Volt, Thia- iame 19^ t:^^ F o X. g9 Is doubtleff fome Familiar. Volp. Sir, the Court In troth, ftays for you j I am mad, a Mule, That never read Juftinian, fhould get up, And ride an Advocate. Had you no Quirk To avoid Callage, Sir, by fuch a Creature > I hope you do but jeft j he has not don't : This's but Confederacy, to blind the reft. You are the Heir > Volt. A ftrange, officious, Troublefom Knave! thou doft torment me. Volp, I know It cannot be, Sir, that you fhould be cozen'd'j 'Tis not within the Wit of Man to do itj You are fo wife, fo prudent ; and 'tis fit That Wealth and Wifdom ftill fhould go together, SCENE X. 'Avocatori 4. Notario, Commandadore, Bmjirh, Celiti? Corbaccio, Corvino, Voltore, Volpone. Avoc. Are all the Parties here \ Kot, All but tht Advocate. Avoc, 2. And hero he comes. Avoc. 1. Then bring 'em forth to Sentence. Volt. O, my moft honour'd Fathers, let your Mercy Once win upon your Juftice, to forgive ■ 1 n .i > I am diftrafted — - Volp. (What will he do now?) Volt. O, I know nor which t' addrefs my felf to firft. Whether your Fatherhoods, or thefe Inoocelits — Ccrv. Will he betray himfelf ? Volt. Whom equallj I have abus'd, by my falfe Accufation : For which, now ftruck in Confcience, here I proflratt iMy felf at your offended Feet, for Pardon, Avoc. I, 2. Arife, Cd. O Heav'n,hovv jufl thou art! Volp. I am caught I' my own Noofe — Corv. Be conftant, Sir : nought now Can help, but Impudence. Avoc. I. Speak forward. Com. Silence. Volt. It is not PafHon in me. Reverend Fathers, But only Confcience, Confcience, my good Sires, That makes me now tell Truth. That Parafite, That Knave hath been the Inflrument of all. Avo(, fto VOL PONE: Or, A'Voc^ Where U that Knave ? Fetcli him. Volp. I go. Ctrv. Grave Fathers, This Man's diftrafted j he confeft it now : For hoping to be Old Votpone's Heir, Who now is B^id —Avoc. 3. Howl Avoc. 2. Is Vol* pone Dead ? Corv. Dead fince, Grave Fathers Bon» O fure Vengeance! >^x'(>r. i. Stay, Then he was no Deceiver. Volt. O no, none : The Parafite, Grave Fathers. Corv. He does fp^ak Out of meer Envy, 'caufe the Servants made The thing he gap'd for : Pleafe your Fatherhoods, This is the Truth, though I'll not juftifie The other, but he may be fpme-deal Faulty. Volt. 1, to your Hopes, as well as mine, Corv'mo : But I'll ufe Modefty. Pleafeth your Wifdoms To view thefe certain Notes, and but confer themj As I hope Favour, they fhall (peak clear Truth. Corv, The Devil h^s enter'd him ! Bon. Or bides in you. Avoc.j^. We have done 111, by a piiblick Officer To fend for him, if he be Heir. Avoc. 2. For whom > ^Ayoc, 4. Him that they call the ?arafite. Avcc, 3. *Tis true. He is a Man of great Eftate, now left. Avoc. 4. Go you, and learn his Name, and fay, tlie Court Intreats his Prefence here, but to the clearing Of fome few Doubts. Avoc. 2. Tliis fame's a Laby- . rinth ! Avoc. 1. Stand yQi| unto your firft Report. Corv, My State, My Life, my Fame — — Bon. (Where is't?) Corv, Are at the Stake. Avoc. I. Is yours fo too? Corb. The Advocate's a Knave, And has a forked TongU9 — r [dyoc. 2. Speak to the Point-) Corb. So is the Parafit^ tpp^ ^"^fic. 1. This is Cofl- fftfion. > Volt, rdo befeeclji your F^tliprhp^^^, \fe^cl butMhofe. rhi FOX. SI Orv. And Credit nothing the Falfe Spirit hath wyit ; It cannot be, but he is pofleft. Grave Fathers. SCENE XL Volpone, Nam, Androgyno, Cajirone. Volpt, To mak« a Snare for mine one Neck! And run My Head into it, willfully! with Laughter! When I had newly fcap't, was free, and clear! Out of meer Wantonnefs! O, the dull Devil Was in;this Brain of mine, when I devis'd it, J^y\d Mofca gave it fecond j he muft now Help to fear up this Vein, or we Bleed dead. How now I who let you loofe ? whither go you now \ What, to buy Gingerbread, or to drown Kitlings \ Nan. Sir, Matter Mofca call'd us out of Doors, And bid us all go play, and took the Keys, yjind. Yes,' Volp. Did lizQitr Mcfca take the Keys? why, f o ! I am farther in. Thefe are my fine Conceits! I muft be Merry, with a mifchief to me! What a vile Wretch was I, that could not bear A^y Fortune Soberly ? I muft ha' my Crotchets! And my Conundrums! Well, go you, and feek hims His Meaning may be truer than my Fear. ^\d him, he ftreight come to me to the Court 5 Thither will I, aiid, if 't be poftible, Unfcrew my Advocate, upon new Hopes : When I provok'd him, then I loft my felf. SCENE XII. ^vocatori, 5c c. Avoc. I. Thefc thmgs can ne'er be recon<;il'4< Hc' here Prcfefleth, that the Gentleman was wrong'd. And that the Gentlewoman was brought thither, Forc'd by her Husband, and there left. Volt. Moft true. Cel. How ready is Heav'n to thofe that pray! Advoc, I. But that Vqlpone wow\d have ravifh'd her, he holds Utterly Falfe, knowing his Impotence. Corv. Grave Fathers, he \s poffeftj aaai?, J f|y. •' Poffeft: Nay, if there be Poffeffion, "* ' And *z VO LP ONE; Or, And Obfeflioa, he has both, Avec, 3. Here comes our Officer. Volp. The Parafite will ftraight be her. Grave Fathers, Aioc, 4. You might invent feme other Name, Sir,^ Varlet. Avoc. 3. Did Hot the Notary meet him ? Volp. Not that I know. Avoc, 4 His coming will clear all. Avoc, X. Yet it is Miftry. Volt, May't pleafe your Fatherhoods Volp, Sir, theParalite [Volponc -uhifpers the AdvoK Wiird me to tell you, that his Matter lives That you are ftill the Man, your Hopes the fame j And this was only a Jeft ■ Volt. How ? Volp. Sir, to try If you were firm, and how you flood affeded. Volt. Ar't fure he lives ? Volp. Do I live, Sir? Volt. O me! I was too violent. Volp. Sir, you may redeem it : They faid, you were poffeft; fall down, and feem fo : 1*11 help to make it Good. God blefs the Man! [Voltore falls, (Stop your Wind hard, and fwell) fee, fee, fee, fee ! He Vomits crooked Pins ! his Eyes are fet. Like a dead Hares, hung in a Poulterer's Shop ! His Mouth's running away ! Do you fee, Seignior \ Kow *tis in his Belly {Corv. I, the Devil!) Volp. Now in his Throat. (Corv. I, I perceive it plain.) Volp.^ 'Twill out, 'twill outftand clear. See where it- flies. In Ihape of a Blue Toad, with Bats Wings ! Vo you not fee it. Sir? Corb. What? 1 think I do. Cirv, 'Tis too manifeft-. Volp. Look ! he comes t' himfelf \ Volt. Where am I? Volp, Take good heart, the worft is paft. Sir: You are difpofleft. Avoc» 1. What Accident is this ^ Avoc. 1, Sudden, and full of wonder! 4v, 3. If he wer€ Poffeft, as it appears, all this is nothing. Corv; He has been often fubjeft to tnefe Fits. ^ AV9C, I. The F O X. 9; ^V0C. I . Shew him that Writing : Do you know it, Sirt Volp. Deny it. Sir, forfwear it, know it not. Volt. Yes, 1 do know it well, it is my Hand: But all that it contains, is falfe. Bon. OPraftice! jivoc. 2. What Maze is this! Avoc. i. Is he not guilty then. Whom you there name the Parafite 3 Volt. Grave Fa- thers, No more than his good Patron, old Volpone* Avoc. 4. why he is dead? Volt, O no, my honour'd Fathers, He lives Avoc, i. How? lives? Volt. Lives. Avoc. 2. This isfubtler yet! Avoc. 3. You faid he was dead. Vclt, Nerer. Avoc. j. You faid fo. Corv, I heard Co. Av. 4. Here come the Gentleman, makt him way^ Avoc, 3. a Stool. Avoc. 4. A proper Manj and, v^QteVolpone dtid, A fit Match for my Daughter. Av. 3. Give him way^ Volp. Mofca, I was a'moft loft ; the Advocate Had betray'd all j but now it is recover'd ; AlTs o' the King* again- 'Say, I am living. Mof. What bufie Knave is this ! moft reverend Fa- thers, I fooner had attended your grave Plcafures, But that my Order for the Funeral Of my dear Patron did require me {Volt. Mofia /) Mof. Whom 1 intend to bury like a Gentleman. Volp. I quick, and cozen me of all. Avoc, t. Still Stranger ! More intricate ! Avoc, i. And come about again! Avoc. 4. It is a Match, my Daughter is beftowM. {Mof. Will you gi' me Half? Volp. Firft I'll be hang'd. Mof. I know Your Voice is good, cry not fo loud.) Avoc, 1. Demand The Advocate : Sir, did not you affirm Volpone was alive? Volp. Yes», and he isj This Gentleman told me fo, (thou fhalt have half. Mof. Whofe Drunkard is this fame ? fay you ? 5peak S4 VOLPONE: Or, 'Speak fome that know him : 1 never faw his Face. (I cannot now Afford it you fo'cheap. Valp. No ?) Ai>oc.i. What fay^'ou Vdb. The Officer told me. Volp. Idid, grave Fathers, And will maintain he Hves, with mine cwn Life, And that this Creature told me.* (I was born WithailgbodStars my Eneniies.)Md?/.Moft'grave Fathers, If fuch an Infolence as this miift pafs Upon me, I am filent ; *Twas not this For which you fent, 1 hope. jiv. 2. Take him away,' {l^elp, Mofca !) Avoc. 3. Let hira be Whipt. (Volp. Wilt thou betray me ? Cozen me?) Awe. 3. And taught to bear himfelf Toward a Perfon of his Rank. Avoc. 4. Away. Mof. I humbly thank your Fatherhoods. Volp. Soft, fofr, Whipt ? And lofe all that I have 5 If I confefs. It cannot be much more. Avoc, 4. Sir, are you Married > Volp. They'll be ally'd anon j I muft be refolute : The Fox fhall here uncafe. {Mof. Patron.) Volp. Nay, now [He puts off his Difguife. My Ruins fhall not come alone ; your Match I'll hinder fure i My Subftance fhall not glew you, Nor IcrdW you into a Pamily. (Afi)/ Why Patron !) Volp. I am Volpone, and this is my Knave j This, his own Knave : This, Avarice's Fool : This, a Chimera of Wittal, Fool and Knave : Aftd Reverend Fathers, fince we all can hope Nought but a Sentence, let's not now defpair it. You hear me brief, Ccrv, May It pleafcyour Fatherhoods — Com- Silence. ..Avoc, I. The Knot is now undone by Miracle. Ji^oc. 2. Nothing can be more dear, Avoc 3. Of can more prove Thefe Innocent. Avcc. i. Give them their Liberty. t^6n, HeSveti could not long let fuch grofs Crimes oe hid Av. z. If this be helH the High-way to get Riche?, May I' be poor. Avoc. 3. This's not the Gain, but Torment. Avoc, The FOX. f f Avoc, I. Thefe poflofs Wealth, as Sicfo-mcii pofTefs FftveTs. Which truh'er may be faid to polTefs them. A'voc, 1. Difrobe that Paralite. Corv, Mofi Moft honoured Fathers. Auoc. 1. Can you plead ought to ftaythe Conrfeof Juftice ? If you can, f peak. Cdr. Volt. We beg Favour. Cel. And Mercy. Avoc, I. You hurt your Innocence, fuing for th© Guilty. Stand forth J and firft the Parafite. You appear T'have been the chiefeft Minifter, if not Plotter, In all thiefe Lewd Impolftures^ and now, laftly. Have with your Impudence abus'd the Court, And Habit of a Gentleman of Venice, Being a Fellow of no Birth, or Blood: For which Our Sentence is, firft, thou be Whipt j Then live perpetual Prifoner in our Gallics. Volt, I thank you for him. Mof. Bane to thy Wolvifh Nature. A'voc. I. Deliver him to the Saffi, Thou Volpone, By Blood and Rank a Gentleman, canft not fall Under like Cenfure j but our Judgment on thee Is, That thy Subftance all be ftraight Confilcate To the Hofpital of the Incurahili, And fince the moft was gotten by Impofture, By feigning Lame, Gout, Palfie, and fuch Difeafes, Thpu art to lie in Prifon, crampt 'with lions. Till thou be'ft Sick and Lame indeed. Remove him,^ Vol. This is caird mortifying of a Fox. Avoc. T. Thou, Voltore, to take away the Scandal Thou haft given all Worthy Men of thy Profeflion, Art banifht from their Fellowfiiip, and our State, Corbaccio, bring him near. We here pofTefs Thy Son of all thy State, and confine thee To the Monaftery of San\Spirno-^ - Where fince thou knoweft not ho^v to live well here. Thou fhalt belearn'd to die well. Corb. Hal What faid he ? . ^ .,..' - Com. You fliall know anon. Sir. Avoc. ,tj V O L P O N E : Or, jA^oc, I. Thou Corvino, fhalt Be ftraiaht Imbark'd from thine own Houfe, and Row'4 Roundabout Venice, through the Grand CanaU, Wearing a Cap, with fair long AfTes Ears, Inftead of Horns i and fo to mount (a Paper PinnM on thy Breaft; to the Beriino Corv. Yes, And have mine Eyes beat out with ftinktng Fifh, Bruis'd Fruit, and rotten Eggs— 'Tis well I am glad I fhall not feemyShame yer. Avoc. i. And to expiate Thy Wrongs done to thy Wife, thou art to fend her Home to her Father, with her Dowry trebled : And thefe are all your Judgments. (All Hcnour'd Fathers.) Avoc, 1. Which may not be fevok'd. Now you begin. When Crimes are done, and paft, and to be Punifh'd To think what your Crimes are : Away with them^ Let all that fee thefe Vices thus rewarded, Take Heart, and love to ftudy *em. Mifchiefs feed Like Beafts, till they be Fat, and then they Bleed. V O L P O N E. T HE Mon'tng of a. Play, is the Applaufe, ^ Now, though the Fox be Puni/fj'd hy the laws, He yet doth Hope there is no Suffering due, Ttr any TaH which he hath done 'gatnft you : If there he, Cenfure him ; here he doubtful Stands : If not, fare Jovially, and Clap your Hands, THE END. THE ALCHEMIST. » COMEDY, Firft Afted in the Year 1610. By the King's Majefty's Servants. k WITH THE Allowance of the Mafter of Revels. \ The Author B. J. petere inde coronam, Unde prius nulVt velarint tempora Mufa* Lucret. LONDON: Printed For ^. Wahhoe, G. Conyers, J. Knapton, R. Knap^ locky D. Midwinter and A. Ward, A. Bttefworth^ and C. Hitch, B. Lintot, J. Tonforty W. Innys, J. Osborn and T. Longman, R. Rohlnfon, T. Wotton, and B. Motte : And fold by W. leaks, at Ro'u;i*s Mead^ o ver-againft Ghment^s-Inn Gatt, 173a. The PERSONS of the Pi^ay, Subtle, the Alchemljl. Face, the Houfe-kteper. Dol. Common, their Colleague, Dapper, a Clerk, Drugger, a Tobacco-man. Love-wir, Mafter of the Houfe, Epicure Mammon, a Knight, Surley, a Gamefter, Tribulation, A Paftor Why Gentleman ! foi- Xove—— Fac. Sirrah, I'll ftrip you — Sub. What to do \ lick •Figs Out at my Fac. Rogue, R'ogue, out of all your fl eights. T>oi. Nay, look ye. Sovereign, General, are you Madmen \ Sub. O, let the wild Sheep loofe. I'll Gum your Silks With good Strong-water, an' you come. Dol. Will you have The Neighbours hear you> Will you betray all? Heark, I'hear fome body. P Thy Rules to cheat at Horfe-race, Cock-pit, Cards, Dice, or whatever gallant Tindure elfe? Made thee a Second in mine own great Art 1 And have i this for thanks ? Do you rebel J Do you fly out i' the Projedlion ? Would you be gone now I Del. Gentlemen, what mean you ? Will you mar all > Sub. Slave, thou hadft had no Name DfiL Will you undo your felycs with Civil Warf Sub. 3%^ A L C H E M I S^T. 7 Suh. Never been known, paft Equi cUbanum, The heat of Horfe-dun*^, under Ground, in Cellars,. Or an Ale-houfe darker than deaf ^ You will Infult, And claim a Primacy in the Divifions ? You muft be Chief? As if you only had The Powder to projed with, and the ^'ork Were not begun out of Equality ? The Venture Tripartite? All things in common t Without Piiority? 'Sdeath, you perpetual Cur5, Pall to your Couples sgain, and Cf zen kindly. And heartily, and lovingly, as you Qiould, And lofe not the beginning of a Term, Or, by this Hand, I fliall grow faftious too, i^nd take my part, and quit you. JFac. 'Tis his faalt> He ever murmurs, and obje6ls his Pains, And fays, tbc weight of all lies upon him. Sulf. Why, Co it does, Dol. How does it ? Do not we Suftain our Parts ? Sub. Yes, but they are not equal. Dol. Why, if your Part exceed to Day, I hope Ours may to Morrow match it. Sub, I, they may. Dol. May, murmuring Maftiff! I, and do. Death on me ! Help me to throttle him. Sui^, Dorothee, Miftris Daro- thee, 'Ods ^e Alchemist, 9 ♦Ods precious, I'll do any thing. What do you mean \ Dot. Becaufe o' your Ferfnenfation and Cibation t Sub. Not I, by Heaven Bol. Your Scl and Luna help me. Sub, Would 1 were hang'd then. I'll conform my felf. Dol. Will you. Sir ? Do lo then, and quickly : fwear. Sub, What (hall I fwear? Dol. To leave your Faftion, Sir, And labour kindly in the Common Work. Sub. Let me not breathe, if I meant ought befide. I only us'd thofe Speeches as a Spur To him. Bol. 1 hope we need no Spurs, Sir. Dowc J lac. 'Slid, prove to Day, who fhall fhark beft. Sub. Agreed. Dol. Yes, and work clofe, and friendlj'. Sub. 'Slight, the Knot Shall grow the ftronger for this Breach, with me. Dol. Why, (o, my good Baboons 1 Shall we go make^ A fort offober, fcurvy, precife Neighbours, (That fcarce have fmil'd twice fin' the King came in) A Feaft of Laughter at our Follies > Rafcals, Would run themfelves from breath, to fee me ride. Or you t'have but a Hole to thruft your Heads in. For which you fhould pay Ear-rent ? No, agree. And may Don Provofi ride a feafting long. In hi^ old Velvet Jerkin and flain'd Scarfs, (My noble Sovereign, and v/orthy General) Ere we contribute a new Crewel Garter To his mod worfted Worfhip. Sub, Royal Bol ! ' Spoken like Claridiana^ and thy felf. Fac. For which, at Supper, thou fhalt fit in triumph. And not be ftyl'd Bol Common, but Dol Prober, Dol Singular: The longefl Cut, at Night, Shall draw thee for his Dol Particular. Sub. Who's that? one Rings. To the Windo*, Dol^ Pray Heav'n, The Mailer do not trouble us this Qijarter. Fac, O, fear not him. While there dies one a Week O' the Plague, he's fafe, from thinking toy/zid London, Befide, he's bufie at his Hop-yards now : A 5 . 1 ^o The Alchtemist. I had a Letter from him. If he do, He'Jl fend fuch word, for airing o' the Houfe,. As you fhall have fufficient time to quit it t* Tho' we break up a Fortm'ght, 'tis no matter. Sub. Who is it, Dol r J>ol, A fine young Quodling. Tac. O, My Lawyers Clerk, I hghted on laft Night In Holborn, at the Bagger.. He would have (I told you of him) a Familiar, To rifle with at Horfes, and win Cups- Dol. O, let him in, 5«^. Stay.. Who fhall do*t> Tac.Qtiyovt Your Robes on : I will meet him, as going ouf.' Dol. And what fhall I do J Fac. Not be leen, away.. Seem you very referv'd ? Sub. Enough. Tac, God b* w* you. Sir. I pray you let him know that I was here. Bis Name is Dapper. I would gladly have ftaid but— • S C E N E IL Dapper, Face, SubtU. ^Dap.. Captain, I am here;. Tac. Who's that? He's comcj I think, Doftor. Good faith. Sir, I was going awayi Dap. In a truths 1 am very forry. Captain. Fac. But I thought • Sure 1 fhould meet you. Dap. I, I am very glad. 1 had a fcurvy Writ or two to make, And" I had lent my Watch laft Night to one That Dines to Day at the Sheriffs, and fo was robb'd Of my pafs-time.. Is this the Cunning-man ? Fac, This is his Worfhip. Dap, Is he a Dodor I Fac. Yes, Dap. And ha' you broke with him. Captain? Fac.A. Dap, And how? Fac, Faith, he does make the matter. Sir, fo dainty, rknow not what to fay Dap, Not fo, good Captain. Fac, Would I were fairly rid on't, believe me. Dap. Nay, now you grieve me> Sir. Why Ihould you wilh fo? ne Alchemist. ii I dare aflTure you, I'll not be ungrateful. F4C. I cannot think you will. Sir. But the Law Is fuch a thing And then he fays, JR^^^'s Matter Falling fo lately T>a^. Read ? He was an Afs, And dealt. Sir, with a Fool. Fac. h was a Clerk, Sir. Bap. A Clerk J Fac. Nay, hear me. Sir, you know the Law Better, 1 think — Dap. 1 Ihould, Sir, and the Danger. You know, I fhew'd the Statute to you > Fat. You did Co. Bap, And I will tell then? By this Hand of Flefh,. Would it might never write good Court-hand more. If I difcover. What do you think of me. That I am a Chiau/e? Fac. What's that? Bap. The T«r^ was, here— . As one would fay. Do you think I am a Turki Fac. I'll tell the Doftor fo. Bap. Do, good fweet Captain, Fac. Come, noble Doctor, pray thee let's prevail j This is the Gentleman, and he ts no Chinufe. Sub. Captain, I have return 'd you all my Anfwer.. 1 would do much. Sir, for your Love But this I neither may, nor can. Fac. Tut, do not fay fo* You deal now with a noble Fellow, Doftor, One that will thank you richly, and h' is no Chlaufe : Let that, Sir, move you^ Sub. Pray you, forbear Fac. He has Four Angels here — Sub. You do me wrong, good Sir. Fac. Doftor, wherein? To tempt you with thefe Spirits ? Sub, To tempt my Art, and Love, Sir, to my Peril*, *Fore Heav'n, I fcarce can think you are my Friend, That fo would draw me to apparent danoer. Fac. I draw you? A Horfe draw you, and. a Halter, You, and your Flies together Bap, Nay, gocd. Captain. Fac. That know no difference of Men. Sub. Good Words, Sir. Fac. Good Deeds, Sir, Do^or Dogs- meat. 'Slight, I bring yoji. tz fhe Alchemist. No cheating Cl'im' o the doughs, or Claribels, That look as big as Five^and-fifty, and Ilujh, And fpit out Secrets l;ke hot Cuftard Dap, Cap- tain. Tac. Nor any melanchoUck IJnder-fcribe, Shall tell the Vicar -^ but a fpecial Gented, Th:u is the Heir to Forty Marks a Year, Conforts with the fmall Poets of the time. Is the fo'e Hope of his old Grandmother, That knows the Law, and writes you fix, fair Hand?, Is a fine Clerk, and has his Cyph'ring perfect, Will take his Oath o' the Greek Xenophpn, If need be, in his Pocket j and can Court His Miftris out of OvhL Dap. Nay, dear Captain. Fac. Did you not tell me fo ? Dap. Yes, but Tld ha' you, life Mafter Doftor with fome more rerpe£t. Fac. Hang him, proud Stag, with his broad Velvet He^d. But for your fake, I'ld choak, ere I would change An Article of Breath with fuch a Puckfoift Come, let's be gone. Sub, Pray you le' me fpcak with you. Dap» His Worfhip calls you. Captain. Fac, 1 am forry le'er imbark*d my felf in fuch a Bufinefs, Dap. N.^y, good Sir, he did call you^ Fac. Will he take then? Sub. FiifV, hear me ^ Fac, Not a Syllable, 'lefs you take. Sub. Pray ye. Sir ■ Fac. IJpoa no Terms, but an AJfumpJit, Sub, Your Humour mud be Lav/. [^He takes Monty, Fac. Why now. Sir. t.ilk. Now I dare hear you with mine Honour. Speak. So may this Gentleman too. Sub. Why, Sir. Fac. No whifpering. Sub, 'Fore Heav'n, you do not apprehend theLofs You do your felf, in rhisit Fac, Wherein? Forwhat! Sub. Marry, to be fo importunate lor one. That, when he has ir, will undo you all \ He'll The Alchemist. 15 H«*U win up all the Mony i* the Town. Fac, How ! Sub. Yes, and blow up Gamefter afiex Gamefter, As they do Crackers in a Puppec-play. If I do give him a Familiar, Give you him all you play for j never fet him : For he will have it. Fac. You are miftjken, Do^or.'. Why, he docs ask one but for Cups and Horfes, A rifling F/y ; none o' your great Familiars. Dap. Yes Captain, 1 would hayc it for all Games. Sub. I told you (o. Fav. 'Slight, that'^ a new Bu- finefs ! I underftood you, a tame Bird, to fly Twice in a T«rm, or fo, on Friday Nights, When you had left the Office, for a Nag Of forty or fifty Shillings. Dap. I, 'tis true, Sir j But I do think now I fhall leave the Law, And therefore— F^c. Why, this changes quite the Cafe ! Do' you think that 1 dare move him ? Dap. If you pleafe. Sir j All's one to him, I fee. Fac. What I for that Mony J ] cannot with my Confcience : Nor (hould you Make the Requeft, methinks. Dap. No, Sir, 1 mean To add ConCideration. Fac. Why then, Sir, I'll try. Say that it were for all Games, Dodor I Sub. I fay then, not a Mouth (hall eat for him At any Ordinary, but o' the Score, That is a Gaming Mouth, conceive mc Fac. Indeed! J Sub. He'll draw you all the Treafure of the Realm, 'if it be kt him. Fac. Speak you this from Art ? Sub. I, Sir, and Reafon too, the Ground of Arf» He is o' the only beft Complexion, The Queen of Fairy loves. Fac. What! Is he! Sub. Peace. He'll over-hear you. Sir, fhould (he but fee him— Fac. What? S«^. Do not you tell him. Fac. Will he win at Cards too * Sub. The Spirits of dead Holland, living Ifaac, Youl'd fwear, were in him ; fuch a vigorous Luck As cannot be refilled. 'Slight, he'll put Six o' youcGallants to a Cloaks indeed. Fail 14 ^^ A L C H E MI S T. Jac, a ftrange Succefs, that fome M^n fliall be born to! Suh, He hears you, Man D^/». Sir, I'll not be Ingrateful, 'Eac. Faith I have Confidence in his good Nature : You hear, he fays he will not be Ingrateful. Sub.. Why, as you pleafe ; my Venture follows yours. liac. Troth, do it, Doftor j think him trufly, and make him. Ha may make us both happy in an Hour 5 Win fome five thoufand Pound, and fend us two o* it. Da^. Believe it, and 1 will. Sir. '£a€. And you Ihall, Sir. You have heard all ? X)^/>. No, what was't? Nothing, I, Sir. Tac, Nothing ? [Face takes him afidt* Dap. A little. Sir. lac. Well, a rare Star B.cign'd at your Birth. Dtf/). At mine. Sir > No. Prfc. The Doftor. Swears that you are — ■ Sub. Nay, Captain, you'll tell all now. Jac. Allied to the Queen of lair'^. Dap, W ho \ that 1 am \ Believe it, no fuch matter Tac. Yes, and that Yo* were born with a Cawl o' your Head. Bap. Who? faysfo? lac. Come, You know it well enough, tho' you difTemble it. Dap. I-fac^ 1 do not:. You are miftaken, Ias, How! Swear by your fac ? and in a thing fo known Unto the Doftor? How fhall we, Sir, truft you 1' the other matter? Can we ever think. When you have won five or fix thoufand Pound, You'll fend us Shares in't, by this rate J Dap, By Jfive, Sir, ril win ten thoufand Pound, and fend you half. Lfac'j no Oath. Sub. /^o, no, he did but jeft. Fac. Go to. Go thank the Dodor. He's your Fris^nd, To take it fo. Dap. I thank his Worfhip. Fac, So: Another.- fhe Alchemist; if . Anotlier Angel. Da^. Muft I ? Fac, Muft you > 'blight, What ellc is Thanks > Will you be trivial > Doftor, When muft he come for his Familiar? Dap, Shall 1 not ha' it 'with me > Sub, O, good: Sir! There muft a World of Ceremonies pafs^, You muft be bath'd and fumigated firft : Befides, the Queen of p4/ry does not rife Till it be Noon. Tac, Not, if fhe danc'd, to Nighf.' Sub. And fhe muft blefs it. Jac. Did you never fee Her Royal Grace yet J Bap. Whom ? your Aurrt of JFa/ry ? Sub, Not fincc fhe kift him in the Cradle, Captain j, I can refolve you that. Fac. Well, fee her Grace, "Whate'er it coft you, for a thing that I know. It will be fomewhat hard to compafs ; but However, fee her. You are made, believe it. If you can fee her. Her Grace is a lone Woman, And very rich} and if fhe take a Pham'fie, She will do ftrange things. See her, at any hand, 'Slid, fhe may hap to leave you all fhe has I It is the Doftor's fear. Bap. How will't be done then? Fac. Let me alone, take you no thought. Do you But fay to me. Captain, I'll fee her Grace. Bap, Captain, I'll fee her Grace. Fac. Enough. Sub. Who's there ? [One knocks without,. Anon. (Conduft him forth by the back way,) Sir, againft one a Clock prepare yourfelf: Till when you muft be faftingj only take Three drops of Vinegar in at yourNofe, Two at your Mouth, and one at either Ear j Then bath your Fingers ends, and wafh your Eyes>. To fharpen your FiveScnfes, and cry Hum Thrice, and then Buz. as often j and then come. Fac. Can you remember this ? Bap. 1 warrant you.. Fac. Well then, away. 'Tis but your bcftowing Some twenty Nobles *mong her Graces Servants, i6 The Alchemist. And put on a clean Shirt : You do not know What grace her Grace may do in clean Linnen, SCENE III. SuhtU, Drug^er, Face, Suh. Come in : (Good Wives, I pray you forbtar me now: Troth I can do you no good till after-noon.) What is your Name, fay you ? Ahl Drugger? Dru, Yes, Sir. Suh. A Seller of Tobacco > JDr«, Je$, Sir. Sh^, Umh. Free of the Grocers .? Dru. I, an'c pleafe you. Sub. Well Your Bufinefs, dihlf Dr«. This, an't pleafe your Worfhlpi lama young Beginner, and am biiilding Of a new Shop, an't like your Worftiip, juft At corner of a Street : (Here's the Plot on'r) And I would know by Art, Sir, of your Worfhip, Which way I fhould make my Door, by Necromancy, And where my Shelves; and which ftiould be for Boxes, And which for Pots. I would be glad to thrfve. Sir. And 1 was wifli'd to your Worfhip by a Gentleman, One Captain Face, that fays you know Mens Planets, And their good Angels, and their bad. Sub, 1 do. If 1 do fee 'em Tac. What! my honeft Abelf Thou iirt well met here. Dr». Troth, Sir, I was fpMing, Juft as your Worfhip came here, of your Worfhip. I pray you fpeak for me to Matter Doftor. Tac He fhall do any thing, 'odor, do you hearl: This is my Friend, Abel, an honeft Fellow j He lets me have good Tobacco, and he does not Sophifticate it with Sack-lees or Oil, Norwafhes it in Mufcadel and Grayis, Nor buries it in Gravel, under Ground, . Wrapp'd I The A L c H E M I s T. IP Wrapp*d up in greafie Leather, or pi(s1F , ^ * . But keeps it in fine Lilly-pots, that open'd,' l"**' ***^ Smell like Conferve of Rofes, or Frf»cA Beans. He has his Maple Block, his filver Tongs, IVinchejier Pipes, and Fire of Juniper, A neat, fpruce, honefl Fellow, and no Goldfrnith, Sub. H' is a fortunate Fellow, that I am fure on — Tac. Already, Sir, ha' you found it \ Lo' thee, Abel! Sub. And in n'giit way to'ward Riches—— IBac. Sir. Sub. This Summer He will be of the Cloathing of his Company, And next Spring call'd to the Scarlet j fpend what he can. J4C. What, and fo little Beard > Sub, You muft thinlc, He may have a Receit to make Hair come : But he'll be wife, preferve his You:h, and fine for*ti His Fortune looks for hicti another way. lat. *Slid, Doftor, how canft thou know this fo foon > I am amus'd at that ! Sub. By a Rule, Captain, In Metapofcop'y, which I do work by j A certain Star i' the Forehead, which you fee not. Your Cheftnut, or your Olive-colourM Face Do's never fail: and your long Ear doth promifc, I knew't, try certain Spots too, in his Teeth, And on the Nail of his Mercurial Finger. Tac. Which Finger's that \ Sub. His little Finger, Look. Yo' were born upon a Wednefday ? Tru, Yes indeed. Sir. Sub. The Thumb, in Chiromantyy we give Venus ^ The Fore-finger, to Jove-y the midft, to Saturn ; The Ring, to Sol; the leaft, to Mercury: Who was the Lord, Sir, of his Horofcope, His Houfe of Life being Libra 5 which fore-fhew'd He fhould be a Merchant, and iliould Trade withBaU lance. Tac, Why, this is ftrange J I$*t not, hont^ Kab? Sub, i8 The Alchemist. Sub. There h a Ship now, coming from Ormus, That fhall yield him fuch a Commodity Of Drugs — This is the Weft, and this the South ? Bru, Yes, Sir. Sub. And thofe are your two fides? Dru. I, Sir. Sub. Make me your Door, then, §outh j your Broad- fide, Weft: And, on the Eaft fide of your Shop, aloft. Write Mathlai, Tartn'teU and Baraberat ; Upon the North-part, Rael, Velel, Thiel. They are the Names of thofe Mercurial Spirits, That do fright flies from Boxes. Dru, Yes, Sir, Sub, And Beneath your Threfhold, bury me a Load-ftone To draw in Gallants, that wear Spurs : The reft, They'll feem to follow. Fac. That's a Secret, Nabl Sub, And, on your Stall, a Puppet, with a Vice, And a Comt-fucus to call City-dame5, You ftiall deal much with Minerals, Dru. Sir, I have At home, already — Sub. I, I know, you have jirfnike. Vitriol, Sal-tar tre, Argale, uilkaly, Cinoper: I know all. This Fellow, Captain, Will come, in time, to be a great Difliller, And give a Say (I will not fay diredly. But very fair) at the Philofophers Stone. lac. Why, how now, Abel / is this true ? Dru, Good Captain, What muft I give ? Tac. Nay, I'll not counfel thee. Thou hear*ft what Wealth (he fays, fpend what thou canft; Th*art like to iome too. Dru. I would gi* him a Crown. Tac. A Crown ! and toward fudi a Fortune ? Heart, Thou fhalt rather gi* him thy Shop. No Gold about thee? Dru. Yes, I have a Portague, I ha' kept this half Year. lac. Out on thee, Nab, 'Slight, there was not fuch ail Offer. 'Shalt The Alchemist. ip *Shalt keep't no longer, I'll gi* it him for thee > Do^or, Nab prays your W or (hip to drink this, a«d Swears . He will appear mor« grateful, as your Skill Do's raife him in the World. T>ru. I would intreat Another Favour of his Worfhip. Tac, What is't, Nah ? Drte. But, to look over. Sir, my jilmanack, And crofs out my ill-days, that 1 may neither Bargain, nor truft upon them. Fac. That he fhall, Nai;, Leave it, it fhall be done, *gainft. Afternoon. Sub. And a diredion for his Shelves. Fau Now> Nah ? Art thou well plcas'd, Nab f Dru. Thank, Sir, both your Worfhips lac. Away. V^hy, now you fmoky perfecuter of Nature! Now do you fee, that fome-thing's to be done, Bcfide your Beech-coal, and your cor'five Wat?rs, Your Crofslets, Crucibles, and Cucurbites ? You muft have Stuff, brought home to you, to work on ? And, yet, you think, I am at no expence. In fearching out thefe Veins, then following *etni Then trying 'em out. 'Fore God, my Intelligence,* Coft me more Money, than my fhare oft comes too,^ In thefe rare Works. Sub. You*are plcafant. Sir. How now? S C E N E IV. Face, Doly Subtle, Fac. What fays my dainty Dolkinr Dol, Yonder Fifli-wife Will not away. And there*s your Giantefs, The Bawd of Lambeth, Sub. Heart, I cannot fpcak with 'em. I>ol. Not afore Night, I hav6 told 'cm, in a Voict , Thorough the Trunk, like one of your Fatn'tliars, But I have fpied Sir Epicun Mammon'" Sub. Where > m ^he Alchemist. T>oli Coming along, at far end of the Lane, Siow of his Feet, but earneft of his Tongue, To one that's with him. Sub, Face, eo you, and- fhift. JDol, you muft prefently make ready, too— • DoL Why, what's the matter ? Sub. O, I did look for him With the Suns rifing : 'Mirvel, he could fleep ! This is the Day 1 am to perfed for him The Magijlermm, our great Work, the Stone: And yield ir, made into his Hands: of which. He has, this Month, talk'd, as he were poflefs'd. And now he's dealing pieces on't aw.iy, Me-thinks i fee him entring Ordinaries, Difpenfing for the Pox, and Plaguy Houfes, Reaching his Dofe, walking Moore-fields forLeper?^ And offering Citizens-wives Pomander-bracelets, As his Prcfervative, made of th€ Elixir-^ Searching the Spittle, to make old Bawds young j And the Hiti,h-ways, for Beggars, to make rich : I fee no end of his Labours. He will make Nature a ftiam'd, of her lon<^ fleep : when Art, Who's but a Step-dame, (hall do more than file. In her bed to love to Mankind, ever could If his Dream laft, he'll turn the Age to Gold. A C T II. S C E N E I. Mammon, Surly. COME on. Sir. Now, you fct your Foot on Shore In novo Orbe'y Here's the rich Peru: And there within. Sir, are the Golden Mines, Great Solomon's ophir f He was Sailing to't. Three Years, but we have re^ch'd it in ten Months. This is the Day, wherein, to all my Triends, I will pronounce the happy Word, Be Bkh, TJii* Day you fiiaU be f^e^atijfmi You The Alchemiit. xt You fhall no more deal with the hollow Dye, Or the frail Ca'd. No more be at Charge of keeping The Livery- punk, for the young Heir, that muft ^Se.il, at a.11 Hours, in his Shirt. No more. If he deny, ha' him beaten to'r, as he is That brings him the Commodity. .No more Shall thirft of Sattin, or the Covetous hunger Of Velvet Entrails, for a rude-fpun Cloke, To be difplaid at Madam Augufia's, make The Sons o^ Sword, and Hazzard fall before The Golden Calf, and on their Knees, whole Nightf, Commit IdoJaitry with Wine, and Trumpets : 'Or go a feafting, after Drum and Enfign. No more of this. You fhall ftart up young Viceroh, Axid have your Punques, and Punquetees, my St4rhy* And unto thee, 1 fpeak it firft, Be^ Rich, Where is my Subtle, there? Wi hough I He'll come to you, by and by. Mam. That-s his Fire-drake, His Lungs, his Zephyrus, he that pufFs his Coals, Till he firk Nature up, in her own Center, vYou are not faithful. Sir. This Night, I'll change All, that is Metal, in thy Houfc, to Gold. And, early in the Morning, will 1 fend To all the Plumbers, and the Pewterers, And Buy their Tin, and Lead up : and to Lothbury, For all the Copper, Sur. What, and turn that too ? Mam. Yes, and I'll purchafe DevonJInre, and Corn" wall. And make them perfeft Indies! You admire now? Snr. No faith. Mam. But when you fee the e fled* of the great Medicine ! Of which one part projeded on a hundred Of Mercury, or Venus, or the Moon, S'hall turn it to as many of the Sun 5 Nay, to a thoufand, fo ad infinitum : \o\x will believe me. Sur. Yes, when I fee't, I will. But, if my Eyes do dozen mc fo (and I Giving iz The Alchemist, Giving *em no occafion) fure Til have A Whore, ftiall pifs 'cm out, next Day. Mam. Hat Why? Do you think, 1 Fable with you? I aflure you. He that has once the Flower »f the Sun, The perfeft Rub^t which we call Elixir, Not only can do that, but by it's Vertue, Can confer Honour, Love, Refpeft, long Life, Give Safety, Valour, yea, and Viftory, To whom he will. In eight and twenty Days, I'll make an old Man, of Fourfcore, a Child. Sur. No doubt, he's that already. Mam, Nay, 1 mean, Reftore his Years, renew him, like an Eagle, To the fifth Age ; make him get Sons and Daughters, Young Giants , as our Phihfophers have done ('The antient Patriarchs afore the Floods But taking, once a Week, on a Knive's Point, The quantity of a Grain of Muflard of it : Become ftout Marfes, and beget young Cupids. Sur. The decay'd Vejials of Pickt-hatch would thank you. That keep the Fire a-live, there. Mam, 'Tis the fecret Of Nature, naturiz'd 'gainfl all Infeftions, Cures all Difeafes, coming of all Caufes j A Month's Grief in a Day 5 a Years in twelve: And, of what Age foeVer, in a Month. Pafl all the Dofes of your drugging Doftors. I'll undertake, withal, to fright the Plague Out o' the Kingdom, in three Months. Sur. And I'll Be bound, the Players fhall Sing your Praifes, thofl. Without their Poets. Af4/w. Sir, I'll do 'f. Mean time, I'll give away fo much unto my Man, Shall ferve th* whole City, with Prefervative, Weekly i each Houfe his Dofe, and at the rate » Sur. As he that built the Water-work, do's with Water ? Mam. You arc incredulous. Sur, Faith I have a Hu- mour, 4 I The Alchemist. t% I would not willingly be gull'd. Your Stent Cannot tranfmute me. Mam. Pertinax Surly, Will you believe Antiquity? Records^ I'll fhew you a Book, where Mofes, and his Sifter, And Solomon have written of the Art ; I, and a Treatife penn'd by Adam. Sur. How! Mam. O* the Philofophers Stone, and in high Dutch » Sur, Did Adam write. Sir, in high Dutch? Mam, He did : Which proves it was the Primitive Tongue. Sur, What Paper > Mam, On Cedar Board. Sur, O that, indeed ^they fay; Will laft *gainft Worms. Mam. 'Tis like your Iri(h Wood, *Gainft Cob-weby. I have a piece of Jafon*s Fleecci too, Which was no other than a Book of Alchemy. Writ in large Sheep-skin, a good fat Ram-vellam. Such was Pythagoras's Thigh, Pandora^s Tub; And, all that Fable of Medea^s Charms, The manner of our Work : The Bulls, our Furnace, Still breathing Fire : our Argmt-vive, the Dragon : The Dragons Teeth, Mercury Sublimate, That keeps the whitenefs, hardnefs, and the biting 5 And they are gathered into Jafon's Helm, (TW Alembkk) and then fow'd in Mars his Field, And thence fublim'd fo often, till they are fix'd. Both this, th* Htfperian Garden, Cadmus Story, Rove's Shower, the Boon of Midas, Argus Eyes, Boccace his Demogorgen, thoufands more. All abftraft Riddles of our Stone, How now I S C E N E II. Mammon, Face, Surly. Mam, Do we fucceed > Is our Day come 1 and hold's it i Tac. The Evening will fet red upon yoil. Sir j You have colour for it, Crimfon : the red Ferment k Has 24 2l&if Alchemist. Has done his Office, Three Hours hence, prepare you To fee Projedion. Mam. Pertinax, my Surly, Again, 1 fay to thee, aloud. Be Rich, This Day, thou fhilt have Ingots : and, to Morrow, Give Lords th' affront. Is it, my Zephyrus, right ? Blufhes the Bolts-head, Fac. Like a Wench with Childj Sir, That were, but now, difcover'd to her Matter. Mam, Excellent witty Lungs! My only Care is. Where to get Stuff enough now, to Proje^ on. This Town will not half ferve me. Fac. No, Sir ? Buy The covering off o* Churches. Mam, That's true, Fac. Yes. Let *cm {land bare, as do their Auditory. Or cap 'em, new, with Shingles. Mam, No good Tliatch s Thatch will lye light upo' the Rafters, Lungs. Lungs, I will manumit thee, from the Furnace j I will reftore thee thy Complexion, Puffe, Lofl in the Embers 5 and repair this Brain, Hurt wi* the Fume, o' the Metals. Fac. I have blown. Sir, Hard for your Worfhipj thrown by many a Coal, When 'twas not Beech i wcigh'd thofe I put in, jufl. To keep your heat ftill even j Thefe Bleard-Eyes Havewak'd, to read your feveral Colours, Sir: Of the pale Citron, the green Lyon, the Crow, The Peacock's Tail, the plumed Swan. Mam. Andh&ly., Thou hafl defcryed the Flower, the Sanguis Agni! Fac. Yes, Sir. Mam. Where's Mafter ? Fac. At'« Prayers, Sir, he. Good Man, he's doing his Devotions, For the Succefs. Mam. Lungs, I will fet a Period ' To all thy Labours : Thou (halt be the Maftcr Of my Seraglio, Fac. Good, Sir. Mam. But do you hear > I'll geld you. Lungs. Fac, Yes, Sir. Mam, For I do mean To have a Lift of Wives and Concubines, Equal with Solomon, who had the Stone Alike with me: and I will make me a Back vWiththe£/;x/r, that Ihall be as tough As 7l&^ A LCHEMI STr Z^ As Hercules, to encounter Fifty a Nighr. Th'art fur e- thou fa w 'ft k Blood? Fac. Both Blood and Spirit y Sir. Mam. I will have all my Beds, blown up ; not ftuft : Down is too hard. And then, mine Oval Room Fill'd with fuch Pidures as Tiberius took From FAephantis, and dull Aretine But coldly imitated. Then, my Gl^fles Cut in more fubtil Angles, to difperfe, And multiply the Figures, as I walk Naked between my Succabx. My Mifts I'll have of Perfume, vapor'd 'bout the Room, To lofe our felves inj and my Baths, like Pits To f:\ll into: from whence we will come forth. And rowl us dry in Goifimour and Rofes. (Is it arriv'd at Ruby?) -— Where I fpy A wealthy Citizen, or rich Lawyer, Have a fublin\'d pure Wife, unto that Fellow I'll fend a thoufand Pound, to be my Cuckold. lac And I fhall carry it ? Mam, No, I'll ha' no Bawds, But Fathers and Mothers. They v;ill ^o it beft, Beft of all others. And my Flatterers Shall be the pure, and graveft of Divines, That I can get for Money. My meet Fools, Eloquent Burgeffes, and then my Poets The' fame that writ (o fubtily of the F^rf; - Whom I will entertain ftill for that Subject. The few that would give out themfelves, to be Court and Town ftallions, and, each-whcre, belye Ladies, who are known moft Innocent, for them j Thofe will I beg, to mike me Eunuchs of: And they fhill fan me with Ten Eftrich Tails A piece, made in a Plume, to gather Wind. We will be brave, Pujfey now we ha' the Med*citte» My Meat fhall all come in Indian Shells, Difhes of Agat fet in Gold, and ftudded With Emeralds, Saphirs, Hyacinchs, and Rubies. The Tongues of Carps, Dormife, and Camels Hee!sj Boil'd i' the Spirit of Sol, and difTolv'd Pearl, 2 (APu. i6 'fhe Alchemist. (y^^ici^i Diet, 'gainft the Epilepfie) And 1 will eat thefe Broathswith Spoons of Amber, Headed with Diamant, and Carbuncle. My Foot- boy fhall eat Pheafants, calver'd Salmons, Knots, Godvvits, Lamprey's: 1 my felf will have The Beards of Barbels ferv'd, in ftea Mam^ An Heretick, that I did bring along, la hope. Sir, to convert him. Sp.b. Son, I doubt Yo'are ne Alchemist. ly Yo'are covetous, that thus you meet your tfm« 1' the JLift Point I prevent your Day, at Morning^' This argues fomething, worthy of a Fe^r Gf importune, and carnal Appetite Take heed, do you not ciufe the BlefTIng to leave yoil, With your ungovern'd hafte. I fiiould be forry To fee ray Labours, now e'en at perfedion, Got by long watching, and large patience, Motprofper, where my Love and Zeal hath plac'd 'em* Which (Heaven I call to witnefs, with your felf. To whom I have pour*d my Thoughts) in all my Ends, Have look'd no way, but unto publick Good, To pious Ufcs, ami dear Charity, Now grown a Prodigy with Men. Wherein If you, my Son, Ihould now prevarfcaie. And, to your own particular Lufts, employ- So Great and Catholick a Blifs, be fure, ACurfe will follow, yea, and overtake Your fubtle and moft fecretway. Mam. I know, %iT, You fhall not need to fear me. I but come. To ha' you confute this Gentleman. Sur, Who \s. Indeed, Sir, Tomewhat cauftive of belief Toward your iY^w^; would not be guU'd. Suh, Well, Son, All that I can convince him in, is this. The work is done: Bright Sol is m his Robe, We have a Med' cine of the triple Soul, The gUrifitd Spirit, Thanks be to Heaven, And make us worthy of it. U l e n S p i e G e L. ' lac. Anon, Sir. Sub, Look well to the Regifter, And let your heat ftill leden by degrees, To the Aludels. Fac. Yes, Sir. Sub. Did you look O* the Bolts-head yet? Fac, Which, on D. Six > Sub, I. What's the Complexion J Fac, WhiiilVi. Sub, Infuf« Vinegar, To draw his volatile fubjiance, and his Tin5fure : And let the Water in Glafs E. bt feltred. And put into the Grips Egg. Lute him wellj fift And ±3 The Alchemist. And leave him closM in Balnea. Fac. I will, Sir. Sur. What a brave Language here is I next to Canting ? Sub. r have another work, you never faw. Son, That three Days fince paft the Ph'dofopher's Wheel. In the lent heat oi Athanor-, and's become Sulphur 0* Nature, Mam. But 'tis for me J 5«^. What need you ? You have enough, in that is perfeft. Mam, O, Sub, Why, this is covetifel Mam. No, I aflure you, I fhall employ it all in pious ufes, Founding of Colleges, and Grammar Schools, Marrying young Virgins, building Hofpitals, And now, and then, a Church. Suh, How now ? Fac. Sir, pleafe you. Shall I not change the feltre ? Sub. Marry, yes. And bring me the Complexion of Glafs B. Mam, Ha* you another > Sub. Yes, Son, were I afTurM Your piety were firm, we would not want The means to glorifie it. But 1 hope the befl : I mean to tinft C. in Sand-heat, to Morrow, And give him Imbibition. Mam. Of white Oil ? Sub. No, Sir, of red. F, is come over the Helm too, I thank my Maker, in S. Maries Bath, And fhews Lac Virginis. Blefled be Heaven. I fent you of his fues there calcin'd. Out of that Calx, V ha' won the Salt of Mercury. Mam. By powring on your reSlified water ? Sub, Yes, and reverberating in Athanor. Kow now? What colour fays it? Fac, The ground black, Sir. Mam. That's your Crowes head ? Sur, Your Cocks-comb's, is't not ? Sub, No, 'tis not perfeft, would it were the Crow. That work wants fomething. 5«r. (O, look'd for this,' The Hay is a pitching.^ Sub. Are you fure, you loos'd 'cm r their The Alchemist. zp i*the\r o'Tjn jnenjlrue ? lac. Yes, Sir, and then marriei 'em And put them in a Bolts-head, m'pp'd to digejiion. According as you bade me, when 1 fet The Liquor of Mars to Circulation, In the fame heat. Sttb, The Procefs, then, was right, Tac. Yes, by the token. Sir, the Fc/ar/ brake. And what was fav'd, was put into the Pellicane, And Sign'd with Hermes' Seal. Sub. 1 think 'twas fo. >5^e fhould have a new Amalgama, {Sur. O, thi^ Ferret Is rank as any Pole-cat.) Sub. But I care not. Let him e'en dye j we have enough bcfide. In Embrion, H. ha's his white-jhirt on \ lac. Ics, Sir, He's ripe for inceratton : He ftands warm, In his Ajh-Fire. I would not, you fhould let Any die now, If I might counfel. Sir, For lucks fake to the reft. It is not good. Mam. He fays right. Sur. I, are you bolted > Fac. Nay, I know't. Sir, r have fcen th' ill Fortune. What is fome three Ounces Of frefh materials \ Mam. Is't no more \ Fac. No more. Sir, Of Gold, t' Amalgame, with fomc fix of Mercury, Mam. Away, here's Mony. What will ferve> Tac, Ask him. Sir. Mam. Howmuch? Sub. Give him Nine Pound iyoii may gi' him Ten.- Sur. Yes. Twenty, and be Cozen'd, do. Mam, There 'tis. Sub. This needs not. But that you will have it fo. To fee conclufions of all. For two Of our inferiour Works, are at fixation, A third IS in afcenfion. Go your ways. Ha* you fet the Oil of Luna in Kemia} "Pac, Yes, Sir. Sub. And the Phihfo^hers Vinegar,' * ac. I. 5® fhe Alchemist. Sur» ^e fhall have a Sallad. Mam, When do yott. make Projeciion? Sub. Son, be not hafty, I exalt our Mfd'cwe., By hanging him in Balneo vaporofo. And giving him folution ; then congeal him j JFor. look how oft 1 iterate the Work, So many times I add unto his Vertue. / As, if at firft one Ounce convert a hundred. After his fecond loofe, he'll turn a thoufandj His third folution, tenj his fourth a hundred. Aftci- his fifth, a thoufand thoufand Ounces Of any imperfect Metal, into pure Silver or Gold, in all Examinations, As good as any of the natural Mine. Get you your Stuff here againfl Afternoon, TourBrafs, your Pewter, and your Andironj^, Mam. Not thofe of Iron ? Sub. Yes, you may bring them too. We'll change ail Metals. Sur. I believe youinth*t* Mam. Then I may fend my Spits \ Sub. Yes, and your Racks. Sur, And Dripping-pans, and Pot-hangers, and Hooks? Shall he not > Sub, If he pleafe. Snr. To be an Aft. Sub. How, Sir! Mam. This Gent'man you muft beat withal : I told you, he had no Faith. Sur, And a little Hope, Sir J But much Jefs Charity, fhould I gullmyfelf. Sub. Why, what have you obferv'd. Sir, in our Art, Seems fo impoffible > 5«r. But your whole Work, no more. That you fhould hatch Gold in a Furnace, Sir, As they do Eggs in Egypt \ Sub. Sir, do you Believe that Eggs are hatch'd fo > Sur. If I fhould ^ Sub, Why, I think that the greater Miracle. No Egg but differs from a Chicken more Than Metals in themfelves. Sur, That cannot be. The Eggs ordain'd by Nature to that end^ And is a Chicken in P^/^;?//^. Sub* Tie Alchemist }I Sub. The fame we fay of Lead, and other Metals, Which v;ould be Gold, if they had time. Mam» Ani that Our Art doth further, Suh.l, for 'twere abfurd To think, that Nature in the Eu-thbred Gold PerfeAi' the inftant. Something went before. There muft be remote Matter. Sur. I, what is that } Suh. Marry, we fay 'Mam, I, now it heats: fland Father, Pound himtoDuft — Sub. It is, of the one parr, A humid Exhalation, which we call Materia liquida, or the unBuous Water 5 On the other part, a certain crafs and vifcous Portion of Earth j both which, concorporate. Do make the Elementary Matter of Gold j * Which IS not yet propria materia, But commune to all Metals, and all Stones. For, where it is forfaken of that raoifture. And hath more drinefs, it becomes a Stone j U'here it retains more of the humid fatnefs. It turns to Sulphur, or to Quickfilver, Who are the Parents of all other Metals. Nor can this remote Matter fuddenly Progrefs fo from extreme unto extreme. As to grow Gold, and leap o'er all the Means^ Nature doth firft beget th' imperfeft, then Proceeds fhe to the Perfe<^. Of that airy And oily Water, Mercury is engendred j Sulphur o' the fat and earthly partj the one (>5^hich is the laft) fupplying the place of Male, The other of Female, in all Metals. Some do believe that Hermaphrodeity, ffhat both do aft and fufFer. But thefe two Make the reft duftiic, malleable, extenfive. And even in Gold they are -, for we do find Seeds of them» by ourPiie, and Gold \n thenij And can produce t\\Q /pedes of each Metal More perfeft thence, than Nature doth in Earth. Befide, who doth not fee, in daily pradice. An can beget Bcqs, Hornets, Beetles, Wa'"p3, B 4 Out ^Z ?^^ Al C H E M I S T. Out of the CarcafTesand Dung of Creature?; Ye^, Scorpions of an Herb, being rightly plac'd > And thefe are living Creatures, far more perfed And excellent than Metals. Mam. well faid, lather ! Kay, if he take you in Hand, Sir, with an Argument^ He'll bray you in a Mortar. Sur. Pray you. Sir, ftay. Rather then I'll be bray'd. Sir. TJl believe That Alchwiy is a pretty kind of Game, Somewhat like Tricks o'the Cards, to cheat a Man With charming. Sub. Sir? Sur, What elfe are all your Terms, Whereonnoone o'your Writers 'grees with other ^ Of your Elixir, your Lac virginis. Your Stone, your Med'cine, and your Chryfofperme, Yonr Sal, your Sulphur, and your Mercury, Your Oil ef Height, your Tree of Life, your Blood, Your Marcheftte, your Tutie, your Magnefia, Your Toade, your Crow, your Dragon, and your Panthar, Your5«», -yovLX Moon, your Iirwament, your Adrop, YoyxvLato, Azoch, Zernich, Chibrit, Heautarit, i\rid then your Red-Man, and your White-Woman, With all your Broths, your Menjirues, and Materials, Of P//} and Egg-jhels, Womens Terms, Man's Blood, Hair o'th' Head, burnt Clouts, Chalk, Merds, and Clay, Powder of Bones, Scalrngs of Iron, Glafs, And Worlds of other flrange Ingredients, Would burfl a Man to name ? Sub. And all thefe, nam'd, Intending but one thing ; which Art our Writers Us'd to obfcure their Art. Mam. Sir, fo I told him, JBecaufe the fimple Idiot fhould not learn it. And make it vulgar. Sub, Was not all the Knowledge O^ the Egyptians writ inmyftick 53f;??^(7/i ? Speak not the Scriptures oft in Parables? Are not the choicefl Fables oi the Poets, That were the Fountains and firft Springs of Wifdom, Wrapt in pevpUxtd Allegories} Mam. I urg'd that. And clear'd to him, that Syfiphus was damn'd To roll the ceaflefs Stone, only becaufe He would have ours common. Who is this? [Bollisfeen. God's precious-^What do you mean? Go \t\, good Lady , Let 7%e Alchemist. 55 Let me intreat you. Where's this Varlet> Fac, $ir> Sub. You very Knave! do you ufe me thus I lac. Wherein, Sir > Sub. Go in, and fee, you Traitor* Go. Mam. Who is it. Sir? Sub. Nothing, Sir : Nothing. Mam. What* the matter, good Sir ? 1 have not feen you thus diftemper'd > Who is't > Sub,. All Arts have ftill had-, Sir, their jidverfanesy But ours the moji ignorant. Wh^t now} [Face returns. Fac. 'Twas not my Fault, Sir; flie would fpeafe with you. Sub. Would fhe, Sir? Follow me. Mam. Stay, Lun^s, Fac. I dare not, Slr.- Mam. How ! Pray thee ftay. Fac. She's mad^ Sir, and fent hfther Mam. Stay Man, what is (he! Fac, A Lord's Sifter^ Sir. (He'll be mad too. Mam. I warrant thee.^- Why fent hither J Fac, Sir, to be cur'd. 5«r. Why Rafcal ! Fac, Loe you. Here, Sir. [He gees ouf,^ Mam. 'Fore God, a Bradamante, a brave Piece. Sur. Hearr, this is a Bawdy-houfe! I'll be burnt elfe. Mam. O, by this Light, no. Do not wrong him. He's Too fcrupulous that way. It is his Vice. No, he's a rare Phyfician, do him right,- An excellent Paraceljian, and has done Strange Cures with Af/^er^i Phyfick. He deals all With Spirits, he. He will not hear a. Word Of Galen, or his tedious Recipe'$.- How now. Lungs [ [FACtagam Fac. Softly, Sir, fpeak foftly. I meant To ha' told your WorOiip all. This mufi; nothear. Mam. No, he will not be gull'd: let him alone. Fac. Y'are very right. Sir, fhe isa moft rare5£-/;(?/^;V And is gone mad with ftudy ing Braughton's Works. If you but name a Word touching the Hebrew , She falls into her Fit, and will difcourfe So learnedly of Gcnoahgies, &5 ^^^ 54 51?i? Al CHE m r st/ As you would rua mad too, to hear her, Sir. Mam. How might one do t' have Conference with her, Lungs ? Tac. O, divers have run nxad upon the conference. I do not know. Sir: I am fent in hafte. To fetch a Viol. Sur, Be not gull'd, Sir Mammon, Mam. Wherein \ *Pray ye, be patient. Sur. Yes, as you are. And truft confederate Knaves,andBawds, and Whores. Mam, You are too foul, believe it. Come here, U/^;^, One word. lac. I dare not, in good faith. Mam. Stay, Knave. Tac. H' is extream angry that you faw her. Sir. Mam. Drink that. What is fhe when fhe's out of her Fit ? Tac. O, the mofl affablefl creature. Sir ! fo merry ! So pleafant ! lhe*ll mount you up, like ^kk-filver. Over the Helm ', and circulate, like Oil, A very Vegetal^ Difcourfe ®f State, Of Mathematkks, E^awdry, any thing i Mam, Is fhe no ways accefCble > no means. No trick to give a Man a tafle of her — wit— — Orfo^ — Ulen. Fac. I'll come to you again, Sir. Mam. Surly, I did not think, one your breeding Would traduce Perfo;iages of worth, Sur. Sir Epicure, Tour friend to ufe : yet, flill, loth to be gull'd. I do not like your P^/7(?/^/)^ic^/ Bawds. Their Stone is Letchery enough to pay for. Without this Bait. Mam, 'Heart, you abufjp your felf. I know the Lady, and her Friends, and Means, The Original of this Difafter. Her Brother H'as toldme all. Sur. And yet you ne'er faw her Till now ? Mam, O, yes, but I forgot. I have (b«-^ lieve it) One o' the treacheroufefl memories, I do think. Of all Mankind. Sur, What call you her Brother > Mam. My Lord- He wi' not have his Name known, now I think on't, Sur, A very treacherous Memory! Mam, O my faith—* Sur, 7*he Alchemist ?f Sur. Tut. If you ha' it not about you, ^^h \t. Till we meet next. Mam. Nay, by this hand, tis true. He's one I honour, and my Noble Friend, And I refpeft his Houfe. Sur. Heart, can it be. That a grave Sir, a rich, that has no need, A wife Sir too, at other times, fhould thus Wiih his own Oaths, and Arguments, make hard meant To gull himfelf ? And this be your Elixir, Your lapis mineralis, and y our lunary. Give me your honeft trick, yet, at Primero, Or Gleek; and take your lutum fapientis, XoMv menflruum [implex : I'll have Gold before you. And with lefs Danger of the §luickfilvgr. Or the hot Sulphur. Fac. Here's one from Captain Face, Sir ? [ To Surly, Defires you to meet him i'the Temple-Church, Some half hour hence, and upon earnefl Bufinefs, Sir, if you.pleafe to quit us, now; and come [Hezvhifpers Mammon, Again within two Hours, you fhall have My Matter bufie examining o' the Works j And 1 will ileal you unto the P.irty, That you may fee her conveife. Sir, fhall I fay. You'll meet the Captain's Worfhip? Sur. I will. ^ But, by Attorney, and to a fecond Purpofc. Now, I am fure, it is a Bawdy-houfe; I'll fwear it, were the Marfhal here to tJiank me;> The naming this Commander doth confirm it, Don Facel why, h'is the mofl authentick Dealer 1' thefe Commodities I The Superintendent To all the quainter Traffickers in Town, He is the Vifitor, arid does appoint. Who lies with whom, and at what Hour j what Price j Which Gown J and in what Smock j, what Fall j what Tyre. Him will I prove, by a third Perfon to find. The Subtilties of this dark Labyrinth : > Which, if I do difcovcr, dear Sir Mammon, You'll give your poor Friend leave, iho' no Philofopherl To laughs for you that are, 'us thought, IhaJl w«ep. ? Mam, I follow you, ftraight. Tac. But do (o, good Sir, to avoid Sufpicion^ This Gent'man has a par'lous Head. Mam, But wilt thou, Ulen, Be conftant to thy Pronufe ? lac. As my Life, SIrJ Mam. And wilt thou infinuate what I am> and praife me \ And fay, lam a noble Fellow? Owhatelfe, Sir. And that you'll make her royal, with the Stone, An Emprefs ; and your felf King of Bantam, Mam» Wilt thou do this? To-c. Will I, Sir? Mam, Lungs^ my Lungs! 1 love thee. Tac. Send your Stuff, Sir, that myMafter May bufic himfelf about projection. Mam. Th' haft witchM n;ie. Rogue J Take, go. Tac, Your Jack, and all. Sir. Mam. Thou art a Villain — I willTend my Jack, And the Weights too. Slave, I could bite thine Ear.' Away, thoudoft not" care for me. Tac. Not I, Sir ^ Mam. Come, 1 was born to make thee, my good Weafel, Set thee on a Bench, and ha' thee twirl a Chain With the beft Lord's Vermineof em all. Tac. Awiy Sir. Mam. A Court, nay, a Count-Palatine. Tac. Good, Sir, go. ldam» Shall not advance thee better : no, nor fafteiv. S C E N E IV. Suhtle, Tace, Doll: Suh, Has he bit ? Has he bit > Tac. Andfwallow'd too, my Subtle; I ha' giv'n him Line, arnl now he plays, yfaith. S^h, And fhall we twitch him ? jEas. Thorow both the. 6ills^ ne Alchemist^ 37 A Wench is a rare bait, with which a man Ko fooner's taken, but he ftraight firks mad. Sub. Do/, my Lord PF/74'n'^«wi Sifter, youmuftnow Bear your felf Statelich. Boi. O let me alone, I'll not forget my Race, I warrant you. I'll keep my Diftance, laugh and talk aloud j Have all the tricks of a proud fcurvy Lady, And be as rude as her Woman. lac. Well izid, Sanguine] Sub. But will he fend his Andirons J Tac. His Jack too j And's Iron fhooing-Horn-. I ha' fpoken to him. Well, I muftnotlofemy wary Gamefter, yonder. Sub, O Monfieur Caution, that will not be gull'd > Tac. I, if I can ftrike a fine hook into him, now. The Temple 'C\\wxch^ there I have call mine Angle. Well, pray for me I'll about it. Sub. What more Gudgeons ! [One knocks^ Dd. fcout, fcout, ; ftay, F4«,youmuft goto the door.^ *Pray God it be my Anabaptift. Who is't, Bol > Dol, I know him not. He looks like a Goldend-mani- Sub. Gods fo ! tis he, he faid he would fend. What call you him ? Th^Jantlified Elder y that fhould deal For Mammon^ s^2ick and ' ndirons ! Let him in. Stay, help me off, firft with my Gown, Away Madam, to your withdi awing Chamber, Now; In a new tune, new gefture, but old Language, This fellow is fent from one negotiates with me About the Stone too ; for the holy Brethren, O^ Amjlerdam, tht exil'd Saints', that hope To raile their Difciplinehy it. I muft ufe him In fome ftrange falhion, now to make him admire mc^. SCENE V. Subtle, lace, Ananias,. Sub. Where is my Drudge ? Fac. Sir. Sub. Take away the Recipient, And.reftifie your Menj?ruef:onithQ PhUgma, Thcch. ?» The A L C H E^ M I S T. Then pour it o' the Sol, in the Cucurbite, And let 'em macerate together, leap. Yes, Sir/ Aad fave the Ground : Sub. No. Terra datnnata Muft not have entrance in the work. Who are you? Ana. A faithfd Brother, if it pleafe you.. Sub. What's that I A Lullianiji ? a Riple'y ? lUius artis T Ca.n you fublime and dulcifie ? calcine ? Know you the Sapor Pontick ? Sapor Styptick .? Qr what is homogene, or heterogene ? Ana, I undeiftand no iff4f^e» Language, truly. Sub. Heathen, you Knipper^Deling > Is Ars Sacra,. Or Chryfopasia, or Spagyr'tcay Gr the Pamphyfick, or Panarchick Knowledge, A Heat hen hngu^gQ? Ana. Heathen Oreek, 1 take it,. Sub. How.? Heathen Greek? Ana, All's Heathen but the Hebrew. Sub. Sirrah, my Varlet, ftand you forth, and fpeak to him, Like a Phiiofopherv Anfwer i' the language. Name the Vexations, and the Martyrizations Of Metals in the work. Tac, Sir, PutrefaSiion,., Solution, Ablution, Sublimation, Cohobation, Calcination, Ceration, and Fixation. Sub. Th's is Heathen Greek, to you now? And whence comes Vivification ? lac. After Martifica>- tion. Sub. What's Cohobation. Tac, 'Tis the pouring on. Your Aqua regis, and then drawing him off. To the Trine Circle of the Seven Sphears. Sub. What's the proper paffion of Metals I lac. MalUation.. Sub. What's your ultjmum fupplicium auri? lac. Antimonium^ Sub. This's Heathen Grtek to you J And what*s your. Mercury ? Tac. A very fugitive, he will be gone, Sir. Sub. How know you him ? Fac» By his Vifoofity, His Oleofity, and his Sufcit ability. Sub, How do you Jublimi him \ fhe Alche mistv 5^ Tac. With the cake of Egg^-fhels, ^hite Marble, Chalk. Sub. Your Uagtftertum, now \ What's that? 'Fac. Shifting, Sir, your Elements,^ Dry into cold, cold into moift, rooift into hot, hotint* dry. Sub. This's Heathen Greek to you ftill ? Your Lapis Philofophicusr lac, *Tis aStone, and not A Stone ; a Spirit, a Soul, and a Body : Which if you do dijfolve, it is dijfolv'dy If you coagulate, it is coagulated -, If you make it to ^y, it fiieth. Sub. Enough. This's Heathen Greek to you ? What are you. Sir > Ana. Pieafe you, a fervant of the Exiled Brethren^. That deal with Widows, and with Orphans Goods j And make a juft account unto the Saints: A Beacon. Sub. O, you are fent from Mafter Wholfotne^ Your Teacher? Ana. From Tribulation Wholfome^ Our very zealous Paflor, Sub. Good. I have Some Orphans Goods to come here. Ana» Of what kind, Sir \ Sub. Pewter, and Brafs, Andirons, andKltchinware^, Metals, that we muft uCe our Med'cine oo : \Vherein the Brethren may have a penn'orth. For ready money. Ana. Were the Orphans Parents Sincere Profejfors ? Sub. Why do you ask > Ana. Becaufe We then are to deal juftly, and give (in truth) Their utmoft value. Sub. 'Slid, you'ld cozen elfe," And if their Parents were not of the faithful ? I will not truft yon, now I think on'f, *Till I ha* talk'd with yomPaJior,. Ha' you brought mone/ To buy more Coals ? Ana. No furely. Sub. No? How To? Ana. The Brethren bid me fay to you. Sir, Surely, they will not venture any more. Till they may fee projeHion. Sub. How ! Ana. You 'have had. For the Inftruments, as Bricks and Lomt, and GhS^i^ Already thirty pound j and for Materials, They fay, fomc ninety mor« ; And they have heard fincc, That 4® fl^ Alchemist.' That one, at Heidelberg, made it of an Egg, And a fmall Paper of Pinduft. Suh. What's your Name ? u^na. My Name is Ananias, Sub. Out, the Varlet That cozen'd the Apofiles ! Hence, away, riee Mifchiefi had your holy eonjiftory No Name to fend me, of another Sound, Than wicked Ananias ? fend your Elders Hither, to make atonement for you, quickly/ And gi' me fatisFa^tion j or out goes The fire : and down th' Alembecksy and the fornacc^- Pi^er HenricHs, or what not. Thou wretch. Both Sericon, and Bufo, fhall be lofl. Tell 'em. All hope of rooting out the Bijhops, Or th* Antichrijl'tan Hierarchy fhall perifh, If they flay threefcore Minutes. The Aqueity, Terreity, and Sulphureity Shall run together again, and all be annulled. Thou wicked Ananias, This will fetch 'em. And make 'em hafte towards their gulling more. A man muft deal like a rough Nurfe, and fright Thofe that are froward to an appetite. SCENE VI. Tace, Subtle, Brugger. Tat. H'is bufle with his Spirits, but we'll upon himj Sub. How now! What mates? "^hzxBaiards ha' we here ? Tac. 1 told you, he would be furious. Sir, here's Nab,. Has brought you another piece of Gold to look on : That may refult upon the party owns it : As thus Vac. Nab ! Sub. He fhall have a Bell, that's Alel 5 And by it ftanding one whofe Name is Dee, In a Rug Gown 5 there's D, and Rug, that's Drug! And right anenft him a Dog fnarling Er -, There's Brugger, Abel Drugger. That's his fign. And here's now Myjiery, and Hieroglyphick ! Fac, Abel, thou art made. Dru. 1 do thank his Worfhip; Tac. Six o'thy legs more will not do It, Nab, He has brought you a Pipe of Tobacco, Doftor, Dru. Yes, Sir: 1 have another thing I would impart Fac. Out with it, Nab^ Dru. Sir, there is lodg'd, hard by me A rich youHg Widow Fac. Good ? a bona robaf Dru. But Nineteen st the moft. Fac. Very good, Abel. Dru. Marry, fh'is not in fafhion yet j fhe wears A hood; but 't ftands acop. Fac. No matter, AbeU Dru. And I do now and then give her ^ fucuS'—^ Fac. What! dofl: thou deal. Nab? Sub. I did tell you, Captain. Dru. AndPhyfick too fometime. Sir: for which ihe trufts me With all her mind. She's come up here of purpofe To learn the Fafhion. Fac. Good (his match too !) on, I>[ab. Dru. And fhe do's ftrangelylong to knowherfoftune.^ Fac. Gods Jid, Nab, fend her^o the Doftor hither. Dru. Yes, 1 have fpoke to her of his Worfhip al- ready : Sot 4^ 'TJoe Alchemist. But fhe's afraid it will be blown abfoad. And hurt her Marriage. '£ac. Hurt it \ 'Tis the way To heal it, if 'twere hurt; to make it more Poliow'd and fought: Nab, thou fhilt tell her thisj She'll be more known, more taik'd ofj and your Widows Are ne'er of any price till they be famous ; Their Honour is the multitude of Suitors : Send her, it may be thy good fortune. >57hat \ Thou doft not know. T>rii. No, Sir, fhe'll never raarr3r Under a Knight» Her Brother has mide a Vow. l^ac. What, and deft thou defpair, my little Nah^ Knowing what the Dodor has fet down for thee. And feeing fo many of the City dubb'd i One Glafs o' thy water, with a Madam, I know ,WilJ have it done. Nab. What's her Brother? a Knight > Dru. No, Sir, a Gentleman newly warm in 'his land, Sir, Scarce cold in his one and twenty, that do's govern His Sifter here; and is a Man himfelf Of fome three thoufand a year, and is come up To learn to quarrel, and to live by his Wits, And will go down again, and die i' the Countrey^ Tac. How ! to quarrel ^ Dru. Yes, Sir, to carry Quarrels, As Gallants do, to manage 'em by Line. Tac, 'Slid, Nab ! The Dodor is the only man In Chrifimdom for him. He has made a Table, With Mathematical Demonftrations, Touching the Art of Quarrels. He will give him An Inftrumet to quarrel by. Go, bring 'cm both,. Him and his Sifter. And, for thee, with lier. The Doftor happ'ly may perfwade. Go to, 'Shat give his Worfhip a new Damask Suic Upon the premises. Sub. O, good Captain. Tac. He fhall. He is the honefteft fellow, Doftor. Stay not. No Offers, bring the Damask, and the Parties, J9r«. I'll try my power. Sir, Tac. fhe Alchemist. 45 Sac, An Or more prophane, or cholerick, than y«ur Glafmen 5 More Antichrijiiari than your Bell-founaers ? What makes the Devil fo devilifh, I would ask you, Sathan, our common Enemy, but his being Perpetually about the fire, and boiling Brmfione and Arfnlck? We muft give, I fay. Unto the motives, and the ftirrers up Of Humours in the blood. It may be Co. When as the work is done, the ftone is made. This heat of his may turn into a Zeal, And ftand up for the beautious difcipline, Againft the menftruous Cloth, and Rag of Kotnel We muft await his calling, and the coming Of the good Spirit. You did fault, t' upbraid him With the Brethrens blcfling of Hetdelberg, weighing What need we have to haften on the work. For the reftoring of the filenc'd Saints, Which ne'er will be, but by the Philofophers Stone* And fo a learned Elder, one of Scotland, AlTur'd me; Aurum potabik being The only Med'cine, for the civil Magiftrate, T' incline him to a feeling of the Caufe i And muft be daily us'd in the Difeafe. Ana. I have not edified more, truly, by Man j Not fince the beautiful light firft Ihone on me i And 7he Alchemist* 4f And I am fad my Zeal hath fo offended. Tru Let us call on him then. Ana. The motion's good, And of the Spirit j I will knock firfl : Peace be within. » SCENE II. Subtle, Tribulation, Ananias. Sub. O 'are you come J 'Twas time. Your threefcore minutes Were at laft thread, you fee j and down had gone Furnus acedia, Tunis circulatorius : LemFek, Boits-head, Retort, and PelUcane Had all been cinders. >5f^icked Ananias ! Art thou returned ? Nay then, it goes down yet; Tri. Sir, be appealed, he is come to humble Himfelf in Spirit, and to ask your patience. If too much Zeal hath carried him afidc From the due path. Sub. Why, this doth qualifie! Tri. The Brethren had no purpofe, verily. To give you the leafl Grievance : but are ready To lend their willing hands to any projeft The Spirit and you direft. Sub. This qualifies more ! Tri. And for the Orphans Goods, let them be valu'd. Or what is needful elfe to the holy work. It fhall be numbred ; here, by me, the Saints Throw down their Purfe before you. Sub. This qualifies mofl ! Why, thus it fhould be, now you underfl:and. Have I difcours'dfo unto you of our Stone, And of the good that it fhall bring your Caufe \ Shew'd you (befide the main of hiring Forces Abroad, drawing the Hollanders, your Friends, Prom th' Indies, to ferve you, with all their Fleet) That even the med*cinal ufc fhould make you a Fadlon^ And Party in the Realm \ As put the cafe. That fome great man in State, he have the Gout, Why, you but fend three drops of your Elixir, You help him ftraight: there you have made a friend. 7 Another 45 The Alchemist. Anothei has the Palfie, or the Dropfie, He takes of your incombuftible fluff, He's young again : there you have made a friend. A Lady that is paft the feat of Body, Tho' not of mind, and hath her Face decayed Beyond all cure of Paintings, you reftore With the Oil of T Fac. Good Pox! Yond' cauftive Cheater Never came on. Sub. Ho^then? Fap. I ha' walk'd the round Till now, and no fuch thing Sub. And ha' you quit him ? Fac. Quit' him? an hell would quit him too, he were happy. 'Slight wwuld you have me ftalk like a Mill- Jade, Air day, for one that will not yield us Grains I C i. f © fhe Alchemist 1 know him of old. Sub. O, but to ha' guU'd him. Had been a maiftry. Tac. Let him go, black Boy, And turn thee, that fome frefh News may poiTefs thee. A noble Count, a Don of Spain (my dear Delicious Compeer, and my Party-bawd) Who is come hither, private for his Confcience, And brought Munition with him, fix great Sloops, Eigger than three Butch Hoys, befide round Trunks, Furnifh'd with Piftolets, and Pieces of Eight, Will ftraight be here, my Rogue, to have thy Bath, (That is the Colour) and to make hisBattry Upon our 'Dol, our Caftle, our Cinque-Porr, Our Dover Pire, or what thou wilt. Where is fhe ^ She muft prepare Perfumes, delicate Linncn, The Bath in chief,, a Banquet, and her Wit, For (he muft milk h\s Epiiiidymis, Where is the Doxy ? Sub. I'll fend her to thee : And but difpatch my BTgicto^\ki\t^ohn Ley dens, And come again m.y i'elf. Tac. Are they within then ? Sub. Numbring the Sum. Fac. How much 2 Sub. A hundred Marks, Boy. Tac. Why, this's a lucky day! Ten pounds of Mammon ! • Three o' my Clark! A Portague o' my Grocer ! This o' the Brethren ! befide R ever/ions, Axv^ States to come i'the Widow, and my Count ? My fhare to day will not be bought for forty ■ Dol. What? Jac, Pounds, dainty Dorothee, art thou Co near ? DoU Yes, fay Lord General, how fares cur Camp? Tac. As withjthefew that had intrench'd themfdves Safe, by their Difcipline, againft a World, DoL Andlaugh'd within thofe Trenches, and grew fat With thinking on the Booties, Dol, broHght m Daily by their fmall Partie?. This dear hour A doughty Don is taken with my Dol-, And thou maift m«»ke his Ranfcm what thou wilf. My Donfabel : He fhall be brought here fetter'd With thy fair Looks before he (tts thee 5 and thrown In a Down-bed, as dark as any Dungeon ; Ij^here thou flialt keep him waking with thy Drum j ' Thy i fhe Alchemist fi Thy Drum, myD*/; thy Drum; till he be tame. As the poor Black-birds were i* the great Froft, Oi* ^tts are with a Bafon j and fo hive him r the Swan-skin Coverlid, and Cambrick Sheets,' Till he work Honey and Wax, my \k\\t Gods-gift. Dol. What is he. General ? Fac. An Adalantado, A Grande, Girl. Was not my Dapper here yet \ Bel. No. Fac. Nor my Drugger ? Dol. Neither. Fac. A Pox on 'em. They are fo long a furnifhing ! Such Stinkards Would not be feen upon thefe feftival days. How now ! ha' you done ? Suh. Done. They are gone. The Sum Is here in bank, my Face. 1 would we knew Another Chapman now would buy 'em out-right. Fac. 'Slid, Nab fhall do't againft he ha' the Widow; To furnifh Houfhold. Suh. Excellent well thought on. Pray God he come. Fac. 1 pray he keep away Till our new Bulinefs be o'erpaft. Sub. But, Face, How cam'ft thou by this Secret, Don ? Fac, A Spirit Brought me th' Intelligence in a Paper here. As I was conjuring yonder in my Circle Tor Surly, I ha' my Flies abroad. Your Bath Is famous. Subtle, by my means. Svjett Dol, You muft go tune your Virginal, no lofing O' the leaft time. And do you hear > good adion.' Firk, like a Flounder J kifs like a Scallop, clofej And tickle him with thy Mother Tongue. His great Verdugojh'tp has not a jot of Language : So much the eafier to be cozen'd j my Dolly, He will come here in a hirM Coach, obfcurc. And ourownCoach-man, whom I have fent as Guide, No Creature elfe. Who's that? {One knfih* Sub. It is not he ! Fac. O, no, not yet this Hour. Sub. Whois't? Dol. Dapper, Your Clerk. Fac. God's will then, ^}ueen of Fairy, On with your Tyre; and Dodor, with your Robe*. Let's difpatch him for God's fake; Sub. *Twill belong, Fac. I warrant you, take but the Cues I give you, Jt (hall be brief enough. 'Slight, here are more ! C z Mth ft -fz The Alchemist. Jlbd, and I think the angry Boy, the Heir, That fain would quarrel. Sub. And the Widow > Tac. No, i'Totthat 1 fee. Away. O Sir, you are welcome,' SCENE. IV. J^ace^ Dapper, Drugger, KaJlriL Tac. The Dodor is within moving for you j (1 have had the moft ado to win him to it) He fwears you'll be the dearling of the Dice : He never heard her Highnefs dote till now (he fays) Your Aunt has giv'n you the moft gracious words That can be thought on. Bap. Shall 1 fee her Grace? Fac. See her, and kifs her too. What, boneft Nab I Ha'ft brought the Damask ? Nab. No, Sir, here's tobacco. Fac. *Ti5 well done, Nab : Thou'lt bring the Da- mask too ? Dru. Yes, here's the Gentleman, Captain, Mafler Ka/irH, 1 have brought to fee the Dodor. Fac. Where's the Widow? Dru. Sir, as he likes, his Sifter (he fays) fhall come. Fac. O, isit fo r Good time. Is your Name Kajlril, Sir? ICaf. I, and the beft of the Kaflrils, VIA be forry elle. By fifteen hundred a year. Where is the Doftor? My mad Tobacco-boy, here, tells me of one That can do things. Has he any Skill ? Fac. Where- in, Sir ? Kaf. To carry a bufinefs, manage a Quarrel fairly. Upon fit terms. Fac. It feems, Sir, yo' are but young About the Town, that can make that a Queftion Kaf. Sir, not (o young, but I have heard fome Speech Of the angry Boys, ard feen *em take Tobacco j And \n his Shop : And I can take it too. And I would fain be one of *em, and go down And pra^life i'the Country. Fac. Sir, (ox tht Duello, The Doftor, I afTure you, fhall inform you. To the leaft fhadow of a hair : and fbew you An Xnftruincm he has of his own making. Where- ne A L c H B M I s r. f } Wherewith no fooner fhall you make report Of any Quarrel, but he will take the height on't Moft inftantly, and tell in what degree Of Safety it lies in, or Mortality. And how it may be born, whether in' a Right Line, Oi' Si Hal f Circle ; or may elfe be caft Into an Angle blunt, if not acute: An this he will demonftrate. And then. Rules To give and take the Lie by. Kaf. How I to tke it >. Fac. Yes, In Oblique ht'W (hew you, or in Circle But never in Diameter. The whole Town Stu<\y his Theorems, and difpute them ordinarily At the e3iUng Academies. Kaf, But does he teach Living by the Wits too? Tac. Any thing whatever. You cannot think that Subtiky but he reads it. He made me a Captain. 1 was a ftark Pimp, Juft o' your {landing, 'fore I met with him : It i' not two Months fince. Ill tell you his iMethod i Firft, he will enter you at fome Ordinary. Kaf, No, I'll not come there. You fhall pardon roe, Fac, For why, Sir ? Kaf, There's gaming there, and Trick?, Fac. Why, would you be A Gallant, and not game ? Kaf. I, *twill fpend a M.in, Fac. Spend you > It will repair you when yn\ arc {pent. How do they live by their Wits there, that have vcnttd Six times your Fortunes ? Kaf. What, three thoufand a year ! Fac, I, forty thoufand. Kaf. Are there fuch ? Fac. 1, Sir. And Gallants yer. Here's a young Gentleman Is born to nothing, forty Marks a year. Which I count nothing. He is to be initiated. And have a flye o' the Doftor. He will win ycis* By unrefiftable luck, within this Fortnight, Enough to buy a Barony. They will fet him I 'pmoft at the Groom-Porters all the Chriftmas! And for the whole year through at every place Where there is Play, prefent him with the Chair 5 The beft Attendance, the beft Drink j fometimcs C 3 Two f4 fhe ALewEMiST. Two Glaffes of Canary, and pay nothing; T he pureft Linen, and the fharpeft Knife, The Patridge next his Trencher : and fomewhere The dainty E^^, in private with the dainty. You Qiall ha' your Ordinaries bid for him. As Play-houfes for a Poet j and the Mafter Pray him aloud to name what Difh he affeftj, Which muft be butter'd Shrimps : and thofe that drink To no Mouth elfe, will drink to his, as being The goodly prefident Mouth of all the Board. Kaf. Do you not gull oner 'Fac, 'Od's my life ! Do you think it ? You Qiall have a caft Commander, (can but get In credit with a Glover, or a Spurrier, Tor fome two pair of either's Ware, aforehand) Will, by moft fwift Polls dealing with him. Arrive at competent means to keep himfelf. His Punk, and naked Boy, m excellent fafhion. And be admir'd for*t. Kaf. Will the Dodor teach this ? Jac. He will do more, Sir, when your Land is gone* (As Men of Spirit hate to keep Earth long) In a Vacation, v/hen fmall Money is ftirring. And Ordinaries fufpended till the Term, He'll fhew a Perfpeftive, where on one Hdt You fhall behold the Faces and the Perfons Of all fufKcient young Heirs in Town, Whofe Bonds are currant for Commodity; On th' other fide, the Merchants Forms, and others. That without help of any fecond Broker, (Who would expeft a Share) will truft fuch Parcels. In the third Square, the very Street, and Sign Where the Commodity dwells, and does but wait To be deliver'd, be it Pepper, Sope, Hops, or Tobacco, Oat-meal, Woad, or Cheef«Si All which you may fo handle, to enjoy To your own ufe, and never ftand oblig'd. Kaf. I'faith! Is he fuch a Fellow? Vac. Why, Nab here knows him. And then for making Matches for rich Widows, Younij Gentlewomeui Heirs, the fortunat'fl Man ! He's T/je Alchemist. ff He's fent to, far and near, all over England, To have his Counfel, and to know their Fortunes. Kaf. Gods will, mySufter (hall fee him. Tac, I'll tell you. Sir, What he did tell me of Nab. It's a ftrange thing f (By the way, you muft eat no Cheefe, Nab, it breed* Melancholy: And that fime Melancholy breeds Worms ) but pafsir. He told me, honeft Nab^ here was ne'er at Tavern But once in's life ! Dm. Trurh, and no.'more 1 was notv Fac. And then he was fo lick Dru. Could he tell you that too ? Fac. How fhould I know it ? Brn. In troth we had been a fhooting. And had a piece of fat Ram-mutton to fupper. That lay fo heavy o'my Stomach—— Fac. And he. has no Head To bear any Wine^ for what with the Noifc o* the Fidlers, And care of his Shop, for he dares keep ro Ser- vants Vm. My Head did fo ake Fac. As he was fain to be brought home, The Doftor told me. And then a good Old Wo^ man Bru. (Yes, faith, fhi dwells in Sea-coal-lant) did cure me. With fodden Ale, and Pellitory o' the Wall : Coft me but Two-pence. I had another Sicknefs Was worfe than that. Fac. I, that was the Grief Thou took'ft for being fefs'd at Eighteen-pence, For the Water-work. Bru. In truth, and it was like T' have coft me almoft my Life. Fac, Thy Hair went off? Bru. Yes, 'twas done for fpight. Fac. Nay, fo fays the Dodor, Kaf. Pray thee, Tobacco-boy, go fetch my Sufter, I'll fee this learned Boy before 1 go : And fo fhall fhe. F.ic. Sir, he is bufie now ; Bat if you have a Sifter to fetch hither. Perhaps your own Pains may command her fooner j C 4 And ^6 The A L c H E M I s t. And he by that time will be free. Xdf. I go.' Fac. Druger, fhe'5 thine : the Damask. (5«^r/tf andl Ml wraftle for her.) Come on, M.ifter D^i/'^^r. You fee how 1 turn Clients here aw.iy. To give ycur Caufe difpatch. Ha' you perform* The Ceremonies were enjoyn'd you ? Dap. Yes, o' the Vinegar, And the clean Shirt. lac. *Tis well : that Shirt may do you More worfhip than you think. Your Aunt's afire, But that fhe will not fhew it, t' have a fight onyoui Ha* you provided for her Grace's Servants ? jDap. Yes, here are fix fcore f^-zr^r^ Shillings. Fac. Good. Da^. And an old H^irr^^'s Soveraign. lac. Ytrj good. Dap. And three James Shillings, and an Eliz>abeth Groat, * Juft twenty Nobles. Fac, O, you are too juft. I would you had the other Noble in Maries. Dap. 1 have fome PhUip and Maries, Fac, I thofe fame Are beft of all. Where are they > Hark, the Doftor^ SCENE V. Subtle, Face, Dapper, DoU Subtle d'lfpiii' d like a Priefi <»/ Fairy, Suh. Is yet her Graces Coufin come > lac. He ii come. Suh. And is he fafting > Tac. Yes, Sub. And hath cry'd Hum ? ¥ac. Thrice, you rauft anfwer. Dap. Thrice. Sub. And as oVt Buz. f Fac. If you have, fay. Dap. I have. Sub, Then, to her Cuz, Hoping that he hath VinegarM his Senfes, As he was bid, the Fairy ^een difpenfes, Byrne, this Robe, the Petticoat of -F^r/«»^ j Which that he ftraight put on, fhe doth importune. And though to Fortune near be her Petticoat, Yet ne arcr is her Smock, the Queen doth note : And nt Alchemist; 5T And therefore, even of that a piece fhe hath fent. Which, being a Child, to wrap him in was rent j And prays him for a Scarf he now will wear it ( With as much Love as then her Grace did tear it) About his Eyes, to fhew he is fortunate. [T/;ey hVind him with a Rag' ■ And, trufting unto her to make his State," He'll throw away all worldly Pelf about him 5 Which that he will perform, fhe doth not doubt him. Tac. She need not doubt him, Sir. Alas, he ha»^ nothing. But what he will part withal as willingly. Upon her Grac&$ word (Throw away your Purfe.) As fhe would ask it : (Handkerchiefs and all) She camiot bid that thing, but he'll obey. (If you have a Ring about you, call it oif^ Or a filver Seal at your Wrift j her Grace will fenJ Her Fairies here to fearch you, therefore deal Direftly with her Highnefs, If they find That you conceal a Mite, you are undone.) [He throws away, as they bid^him. Dap. Truly, there's alK Fac, All what > Dap. My Money, truly. . Fac. Keep nothing that is tranfitory about you, (Bid Dol play Mufick.) Look, th& Elves are come To pinch you, if you tell not truth. Advife you. [Dol enters with a Cittern j they pinch hm^' Dap, O, 1 have a Paper with a Spur-ryal in'r, Fac. Ti, ti. They knew't,. they f^y. Sub. Ti, ti, ti, ti, he has more yet. Fac, Ti, ti'ti-ti. V the t'other Pocket ? Sub. Titi, titi, titi, titi, titi. They muft pinch bim, or he will never confeff^ they fay.^ Dap. O, o. Fac. Nay, pray you hold-. He is her Gr/tcfj Nephew.' Ti, ti, ti? What care you ? Good faith, you fhall care.- Deal plainly. Sir, and fhame the Fairies. Shew You are an Innocent; Dap, By this good Light, I ha* nothing. . Sub% Tif.ti, tip tt, to, ta. He does et]uivocate> Ote fa^yr^ C5 Ti, f5 r/'tf A L C H E M I S T. Tf, ti do tiy ti ti do/tida; and fwears by the Light when he is blinded. Dap. By this good Dark, I ha* nothing but a Half- Crown Of Gold, about my Wrift, that my Love gave me ; And a Leaden Heart I wore fin' fhe forfook me. Fac. I thought 'twas fomething. And would you incur Your Aunts difpleafure for thefe Trifles ? Come, ]had rather you had thrown away twenty Half-crowns^ You may wear your Leaden Heart ftill. How now J Su^. What News, Dot? Dol. Yonder's your Knight, Sir Mammon. Tac. Gods lid, we never thought of him till now. .Where is he ? Dol. Here hard by. H's at the Door. Sub. And you are not ready now ? Dol. Get hisSuit^ Fe muft be fent back. Fac. O, by no means. What fhall we do with this fame Puffing here, Now he's o' the Spit > Sub. Why, lay him back a while, .With forae Device. Ti, ti, ti, ti, ti, ti. Would hti Grace fpeak with me ? I come. Help, Dol; Fac. Who's there? Sir Epicure, [He [peaks through the Key-hole, the other knocking^ My Mailer's i' the way. Pleafe you to walk Three or four Turns, but till his back be turn'd. And I am for you. Quickly, Del, Sub. Her Gracg Commends her kindly to you, Mafter Dapper, Dap. I long to fee her Grace. Sab. She now is fct At Dinner in her Bed, and has fent you Prom her own private Trencher, a dead Moufe, And a piece of Gingerbread, to be merry withal. And ftay your Stoniach, left you faint with fafti ng : Yet if you could hold out till fhe faw you (fhe fays) It would be better for you. Fac. Sir, he fhall Holdout, and 'twere this two Hours, for h.Q,v Highnefs ', 1 can aflTure you that. We will not lofe All we ha' done Sub. He muft not fee, nor fpeak To any body, till then. Fac. For that we'll put. Sir, A Stay in's Mouth. Snb, Of what > ' Fac. Of Ginger- bread. Make you it fit. He that hath pleas'd her Grace Thus The Alchemist. ^^ Thus far, fhall not now crinkle for a little. Gape Sir, and let him fit you. Sub. Where fhall we now Beftowhioi? J)^?/. 1* the Privy. 5«^. Come along, Sir, I now muft fliew you Fortune's Privy Lodgings; Fac. Are they perfum'd, and his Bith ready J Sub. All* Only the Fumigation's fomewhat flrong. lac. Sir Epicure, I am yours, Sir, by and by. ACT IV. SCENE I. Face, MAmmoUy BoL OSir, yo* are come i' the only fineft time \ * Mam. Where's Mailer? Fac. Now prepaii ng for Projei^ion, Sir. Your Stuff will b' all chnng'd Ihortly. Mam. I mo Gold ? Fac. To Gold and Silver, Sir. Mam. Silyer I care not for. Fac. Yes, Sir, a little to give Beggars. . Mam. Where's the Lady ? Fac. At hand here. 1 ha' told her fuch brave things o' you. Touching your Bounty, and your noble Spirit — Mam. Hafl thou \ Fac. As fhe is almofl: In her Fit to fee you. But, good Sir, no Divinity i' your Conference, For fear of putting her in rage — Mam. I warrant thee.. Fac. Six Men will not hold her down, And then If the old Man fhould hear or fee you. Mam. Fear not. Fac. The very Houfe, Sir, would run mad. You know it, How fcrupulous he is, and violent, 'Gainft the leafl ad of Sin. Phyfick, or Mathematicks, Poetry, State, or Bawd'ry (as I told you) She will endure, and never ftartle : But No word of Controverfie. Mam. I am fchool'd, good UL£N. Fac, And you muft praifc j;^cr Houfe, remember that. And €o Tloe A L c H E m i s t* And her Nobility. Mam. Let me alone: No Herald, nor no ylntiquary, Lptngs, Shall do it better. Go. Tac. Why, this is yet A kind of modern Happinefs, to have Jyd Common for a great Lady. Mam. Now, Epkurt, Heighten thy felf, talk to her, all in Gold 5 Rain her as many Showers as Jove did Drops Untr. his Danae : Shew the God a Mifer, Compared with Mammon. What the Stone will do't. She fhall feelGold, tafte Gold, hear Gold, fleepGolds Kay, we will concumbere Gold. I will be puilTant, And mighty m my talk to her. Here fhe comes. Fac. To him, Dcly fuckle him. This is the noble Knight, 1 told your Ladyfhip Mam, Madam, with your pardon, I kifs your Vefture. Boh Sir, I were uncivil Jf I would fufFer that j my Lip to you. Sir. Mam. I hope my Lord your Brother be in health. Lady. Dol. My Lord, my Brother is, though 1 no Latly, Sir. I-ac. (Well faid, my G«m Her Father was an Ir'ijlj Coftarnionger. Mam. The Houfe oiValoh juft had fuch a Nofci And fuch a Forehead, yet the Media Of Florence boaft. D«l. Troth, and I have been lik'ned To all thefe Princes. Fac. I'll be fworn, I heard it. Mam. I know not how 1 it is not any one. But e*en the very choice of all their Features. Fac. I'll in, and laugh. Mam. A certain Touch, or Air, That fparkles a Divinity, beyond An earthly Beauty ! Dol, O, you play the Counter. Mam. Good Lady, gi* me leavQ • Dol. In faith, I may not. To mock me. Sir. Mam. To burn in this fweetFlamej The Phoenix never knew a nobler Death. Dol. Nay, now you court the Courtier, and deftroy What you would build. This Art, Sir, i' your words. Calls your whole Faith in queftion. Mam. By my Soul Dol. Nay Oaths are made o' the fame air. Sir* Mam. Nature Never bcftow'd upon Mortality A mor€ unblam'd, a more harmonious Feature r She play'd the Step-dame in all Faces elfe. Sweet Madam, le' me be particular Bol. Particular, Sir ? I pny you, know your Diftancer -M;i«;. In no ill fenfc^ iwectLady, but to ask ^ How you fair Graces pafs the Hours ? I fee Yo' are lodg'd here, i' the Houfe of a rare Man, An excellent Artift; but what's that to you? Bol. Yes, Sir 5 1 ftudy here the Mathcmaticks, And Biftillation, Mam. O, cry you pardon. He's a Divine Inftt o£lor, can extraft The Souls ct all things by his Art j call all The Vertues, and the Miracles of the Sun, Into a tciiiperata Furnace 3 teach dull Nature What 4i The Alchemist. what her own Forces are. A Man, the Emp'roE Has courted, above KelU'j j fent his Medals And Chains, t' invite him. BoL I, and for his Phyfick, Sir ■ Mam. Above the Art of jEfculapius, That drew the Envy of the Thunderer! I know all this, and more. DoL Troth, I 'am taken^ Sir. ,Whole with with thefe Studies, that contemplate Nature,' Mam. It is a noble Humour : But this Form Was not intended to To dark a ufe. Had you been crooked, foul, of fome courfe Mold, A Cloyfter had done well ; but fach a Feature That might flmd up the Glory of a Kingdom, To live Reclufe ! is a meer Soloecifm^ Though in a Nunnery. It muft not be. I mufe, my Lord your Brother will permit it! You fhould rpend half my Land firft, were 1 he. Does not this Diamant better on my Finger, That i' theQj-iarry? Dok Yes. Mam. Why, you are- like it. You were created, Lady, for the Light ! Here, you fhall wear it j take it, the firft Pledge Of what I fpeak, to bind you to believe me. Dok In Chains of Adamant \ Mam. Yes, the flrongeft Bands. And take a Secret too. Here, by your Side, Both fland, this Hour, the happieft Man in Europe. Dol. You are contented. Sir ? Mam. Nay, m true being, The Envy of Princes, and the Fear of States. Dol. Say you (o, Sir Epicure! Mam. Yes, and thou fhalt prove it. Daughter of Honour. I have call mine Eye Upon thy Form, and I will rear this Beauty Above all Styles. Dol. You mean no Treafon, Sir! Mam. No, I will take away that Jealoulie. I am the Lord of the Philofophers Stone, And thou the Lady. Dol. How, Sir! ha' you that J Mam. I am the Mafter of the Ma/iery, This day the good old Wretch here o' the Houfe Has fhe Alchemist. 6% lias made it for us : Now he's at Projecllon. Think there thy firft Wifh nowj let me hear It: And it Ihall rain into thy Lap, no Shower, But Floods of Gold, whole Catarads, a Deluge, To get a Nation on thee. Dol. You are pleas'd, Sir, To work on the Ambition of our Sex. Mam. I'm pleas'd the Glory of her Sex fhould know,' This Nook, here, of the Triers is no Climate For her lO live obfcurely in, to learn Phyfick and Surgery, for the Conftables Wife Of fome odd Hundred in Ejfex : but come forth. And tafle the Air of Palaces; eat, drink The Toils of Er/jp'rickSy and their boafted Prafticej Tinfture of Pearl, and Corral, Gold and Amber ; Be (een at Feafts and Triumphs ; have it ask'd. What Miracle (he is ? Set all the Eyes Of Court a fire, like a Burning-glafs, And work 'em into Cinders, when the Jewels Of twenty Stars adorn thee, and the Light Strikes out the Stars ; that when thy Name is mention'd. Queens may look pale; and we but fhewing our Love, Nero*s Popp£a may be loft in Story ! Thus will we have it. Dol. I could well confent. Sir. But, in a Monarchy, how will this be ? The Prince will foon take notice, and both feife You and your Store, it being a Wealth unfit For any private Subjeft. Mam. If he knew it. Dol. Your felf do boafl it. Sir. Mam. To thee, my Life. Del. O, but beware. Sir ! You may come to end The remnant of your Days in a loath'd Prifon, By fpeaking of ir. Mam. 'Tis no idle fear: We'll therefore go withal, my Girl, and live In a Free State, where we will eat our Mullets', Sous'd in High-Country Wines, fup Pheafants Egg5, And have our Cockles, boil'd in' Silver Shels, Our Shrin^ps to fwim again, as when they liv'd^ In a rare Butter, made of Dolphins Milk, Whofe Cream does look like Opals; and with thefe Delicate Meats fet our felves high for Pleafure, And take us down again, and then renew Our €4 ^^ Alchemist; Our Youth and Strength, with drinking the Elixkl And To enjoy a Perpetuity Of Life and Luft. And thou (halt ha' thy Wardrobe Richer than Natures, flill to change thy felf. And vary oftner, for thy Pride, than Ihe, Or jirt, her wife and almofl-equal Servant. lac. Sir, you are too loud. I hear you ev*ry word Into the Laboratory. Some fitter place j The Garden, or great Chamber above. How like yoH her? J\/4/w. Excellent! Lun^s. There's for thee. lac. But do you hear > Good Sir, beware, no mention af the Rabbins* Mam. We think not on 'em. Fac. O, it is well. Sir. Subtle/ S C E N E IL Face, Subtle, Kaftr'd, Dame, Plianti Fac. Doft though not laugh > Sub. Yes. Are they gone > JF^c. All's clear. Sub, The Widow is come. Fac. And your quarrelling Difciple > Sub. I. Fac. I muft to my Captainfliip again then,' Sub. Stay, bring 'em in firft. Fac. So I meant. What is fhe ? A Bony-bell? Sub. I know not. Fac, We'll drawLot^, You'll ftand to that ? Suh. What clfe > Fac. O, for a Suit, To fall now like a Curtain, flap. Sub. To th' Door^ Man. Fac. You'll have the firfl Kifs, 'caufe I am not ready. Sub. Yes, and perhaps hit you thro' both the Noflrili. Fac, Who would you fpeak with? Kaf, WLeie'c the Captain? Fac. Gone, Sir, About fome BuHnefs. Kaf. Gone > T.ic He'll return ftraight. But Matter L'oftor, his Lieutenant, is here. Sub. Come near, my worfhipful Boy, my TertA Filf, That is, ray Boy of Lane ^ m-ke iliy Approaches : Welcome : I know thy Luft,, and thy Defires, And 1 will ferve arid fatisfie 'em. Begin, Charge Alchemist. 6f Charge me from thence, or thence, or in this Line ; Here is my Center : Ground thy Quarrel. Kaf. You lie.' 5«^. How, Child of Wrath and Anger! the loud Lie? For what, my fuidden Boy 1 Kaf. Nay, that look you to, lam afore-hand. Suh. O, thfs's no true Grammar, And as ill Logick ! You muft render Caufes, Child, Your firft and fecond Intentions, know your Cit;. Sub. Is that the matter ? Fac. Nay, but hear me. Sub. Go to. If you rebel once, Dol fhall know it all. Therefore be quiet, and obey your Chance. Fac. Nay, thou art fo violent now — Do but conceive. Thou art old, and canft not ferve ■ ■ ' » Sub, Who, cannot I > 'Slight, Tke Alchemist^ 67 •Slight, I will fcrve her with thee, for a — lac. Nay, But underftand : I'll gi' you Compofition. 5«^. I will not treat with thee: What, fell my Fortune ? *Tis better than my Birth-right. Do not murmur. Win her, and carry her. If you grumble, Dol Knows it diredly. Fac. Well, Sir, I am filent. Will you go help to fetch in Don in ftate ? Suh. I follow you. Sir j We muft keep Face in awe. Or he will over-look us like a Tyrant. Brain of a Taylor ! Who comes here J Bon ^ohn ? [Surly like a Spaniards Sur. Sennores, befo las manos, a vuefiras mercedes. Sub. Would you had ftoop'd a little, andkiftour4»(?;. Fac. Peace, Subtle, Sub. Stab me j I fhall never hold, man. He looks in that deep Ruff, like a Head in a Platter, Serv'd m by a fhort Cloke upon two TrefHls. Fac. Or, what do you fay to a Collar of Brav/n> cut down Beneath the Soufe, and wriggled with a Knife > Sub. 'Slud, he does look too fat to be a Spaniard. Fac, Perhaps fome Fleming, or fome Hollander got him In ^' ^/x; Tac. Why Dili's employ*d^ you know. Sub. That's- true. 'Pore Heaven, I know not : He muft (lay, that's all, Fac. Siay ! That he muft not by no meanf. Sub. Is^l Why > . Fac. Uulefs you'll mar all. 'Slight, he'll fufpca: it 2- And then he will not pay, not half fo well. Th.s is a travell'd Punk-mafter, and do's know All the Delays J a notable hot Rafcal, And looks already rampant. Sub. 'Sdeath, smd Mam-^ man- Muft not be troubled. Fac. Mammon ! in no cafe. Sub, Wh.1t fh^ll we do then > Fac. Think: you muft be fudden.- Sur. Emiendo, qua la Sennora es tan hermofat que co» dicio tan Aver la, comolabien aventuranza demivida. Fac. Mi vida f 'Slid, Subtle, he puts mc in mind o'^ the Widow. What doft thou fay to draw bcr to*t ? ha > And tell her it h her Fortur5c \ All our Venture Now lies upon't. It is but one Man more. Which on's chance to have her: and befide There h no Maidenhead to be fear'd or loft> What doft thou think on'r. Subtle. Sub. Who, I, Why? Fac. The Credit of our Hou^e too is engaged. Sub. You made me an offer for my Share ere-while^ What wilt thou gi' me, i' faith ? Fac. O, by that Light I'll not buy now. You know your doom to me. E'en take your Lot, obey your Chance, Sirj win her. And wear her out for me. Sub. 'Slight, I'll not work her then, Fac. It 'i& ihtCammonCaufe-, therefore bethink you. Doh The Ai-cHEMi$T. 6i^ Dol elfe muft know it, as you faid. Suh, I care not. Sur. Sennores, por que fe tarda tanta? Sub» Faith, I am not fit, 1 am old. p4f. That's now no Reafon, Sir. Sur, Puedefer, dehaz^erburlade miamor. lac. You hear the Don too ? By this Air, T call. And loofe the Hinges : BoL Sub. A Plague of Hell — IPac. Will you then do? 5«^. Yo'area terrible Rogue, I'll think of this : Will you. Sir, call the Widow \ Fac, Yes, and I'll take her too, with all her Faults, Now I do think on't better. Sub. With all my heart,Sir j Am I difcharg'd o'thc Lot ? Fac. As youpleafe. Sub. Hands. Fac. Remember now, that upon any Change, Tou never claim her. Sub. Much good Joy, and Health to you. Sir. Marry a Whore > Fate, let me wed a Witch firft. Sur. Por ejlas honrada's barbas Sub. He fwears by his Beard. Difpatch, and call the Brother too. Sur» Tiengo^ duda, Sennores, Gjue no me hogan alguna traycion. Sub. How, iffiie on ? Yes, pr^JioSennor, Pleafe you Enthratha the Chambrata, worthy Bon ? Where ifyou pleafe the Fat^s, in your Bathada, You fhall be foak'd, and ftroak'd, and tub'd,andrub*d. And fcrub'd, and fub'd, dear Bon, before you go. You fhall in faith, my fcurvy Baboon Bon, Be curried, claw'd, and flaw'd, and taw'd, indeed. 1 will the hearth'er go about it now. And make the Widow a Punck fo much the fooner. To be reveng'd on this impetuous Face : The quickly doing of it, is the grace. SCENE IV. Face, Kaftril, Ba. Pliant, Subtle, Surly". Fac. Come, Lady : 1 knew the Dodor would not leave,' Till he had found the very nick of her Fortune. Kaf. To be a Countefi,{3iy you > A Spanijh Countefs, Sir? Fli. Why, is that better than an Englijh Countefs 1 Fac, Better > 'Slight, make you that a Q^ueftion, Lady > Kaf, 70 ^e Alchemist." X^/. Nay, (he is a Fool, Captain, you muft pardon he?; "Eac. Ask from your Courtier, to your Inns-of-Court- man, Toyourmeer Millener \ they will tell you all. Your S^anljh Gennet \s the beft Horfe j yoMxSpaniJh StoupisthebeftGarbj your 5>^;2//? Beard Is the beft Cut j your Spanifh Ruffs are the bed Wear ; your Spamflj Pavin the beft Dance j Your SpaniJ}} Titillation in a Glove * The beft Perfume. And for your 5//j;?//Z; Pike, And Spanifh Blade, let your poor Captain fpeak.' Here comes the Dodor. Sub, My moft honour'd Lady, ( For fo I am now to ftyle you, having found ,By this my Scheme, you are to undergo An honourable Fortune, very fhortly) What will you fay now, iffome Tai. I had told her all, Sir j And her right worChipful Brother here, that fhe fhall be A Countefs $ do not delay 'em. Sir : a Spanijh Countefs. Sub. Still, my fcarce worfhipful Captain, you can keep Ko Secret. Well, fince he has told you. Madam, Do you forgive him, and I do. K^f. She fhall do that. Sir, I'll look to't, 'tis my Charge. Sub. Well then : Nought refts But that fhe fit her Love now to her Fortune* Pit, Truly I fhall never brook a Spaniard. Sub, No ? PU. Never fin' Eighty-eight could I abide *em. And that was fome three year afore 1 was born, in truth. Sub, Come, you muft love him, or be miferablej Chufe which you will. Fac. By this good Rufh, perfuade her. She will cry Strawberries eUe, within this Twelve-month.^ . Sub. Nay, 5hads and Mackarel^ which is worfe. Fac. Indeed, Sir? Kaj. God's lid, you fhall love him,orI'll kick you, Tli, Why? rll do as you will ha' me. Brother. Kaf. Do, Gr by this Hand I'il maul you. Fac. Nay, good Sir, Be not fo fierce. Sub. No, my enraged Child, She will be rul'd. What, when Ihe comes to tafte The 7lhe Alchemist. 71 ThePleafures of a Countefs! to be courted Fac. And kift, and ruffled! Sub. I, behind the Hang- ings. Fac. And then come forth in Pomp '. Sub. And know her State! Fac. Of keeping all th' Idolaters©* the Chamber Barer to her, than at their Prayers! Sub. Is ferv'd Upon the Knee ! Fac. And as her Pages, Ufhers, Footmen, and Coaches ^ Sub. Her fix Mares Fac. Nay, eight ! Sub. To hurry her through London, to th* E>:changel BeiHem, the China-houfe Fac. Yes, and have The Citizens gape at her, and praife her Tires ! And my Lords Goofe-turd Bands, that rides with her ! Kaf. Moft brave ! By this Hand, you are not my Sifter, If you refufe. Pit. I will not refufe. Brother. Sub. Shieesejio, Sennores, que non fe venga ? Ejla tardanz^amemata! Fac. Is it the Ctf««/ come ? The Doftor knew he would be here, by his Art. Sub. Engallanta Madama, Don I gallantiffimaf Sur. PortodoslosdiofeSy le mas acabada Jiermofuray que he v'tfio en ml vida ! Fac. Is'tnot a gallant Language that they fpeak I Kaf. An admirable Language! Is'tnot French} Fac. No, Spanifl}^ Sir. Kaf. It goes like Lzvj -French ? And that, they fay, is the Courtliett Language. Fac, Lift, Sir. Sur. El Sol haperdtdofu lumbre, con el Refplandor, que trae efia dama, Valga me dios f Fac. He admires your Sifter Kaf Muft not fhe makeCurt*fie? Sub. 'Ods will, fhemnft go to him, Man, andkifs him ! Ir is the Spnnifh Fafhion, for the Women To make firft Court. Fac. 'Tis true he tells you. Sir : His Art knows all, Sur. Per que no fc acude ? Kaf He fpeaksto her, I think. F^. That he does, Sir. Sur. Porelamor dedio!, queesefio, que fe tarda? Kaf. Nay, fee : fhe will not underftand him ! Gull. Noddy. P/i. What fay you. Brother? iC^/. Afs,Sufter, Go kufs him» as thecunningMin would ha' you, I'll thruftaPini' your Buttocks clfe. Fac.Oj no Sir, Sur. 72 ^e Alchemist. Sur. Sannoramia, tniperfonamuyindignaejia JLllegar a tanta Hermofura. lac. Does he not ufe her bravely \ Kaf. Bravely, i- faith ! lac. Nay, he vjrill ufe her better. Kaf, Do you think {o ? Sur. Sennora, fi ferafervida, entremus, Caf, Where does he carry her? Fac. Into the Garden, Sirj Take you no thought : I muft interpret for her. Suh. Give Del the word. Come, my fierce Child, advance. We'll to our quarrelling LefTon again. Kaf Agreed, 1 love a Spani/J} Boy with all my Heart. Sub. Nay, and by this means. Sir, you fhall be Brother To a great CoH»t. Kaf. I, 1 knew that at firft. This Match will advance the Houfe of the Kafirils. Suh. Tray God your Sifter prove but pliant. Kaf Why, Her Name is fo, by her other Husband, Sub. How ! Kaf. The Widow Pliant.- Knew you not that I Sub. No faith, Sir : Yet, by eredion of her Figure, I gueft it. Come, let's go pradife. Kaf Yes, but do you think, Doftor, I e*er fhall quarrel well > Sub. I warrant you- SCENE V. 'Dol, MammoUy Tace^ Subtle, Del. Vnr, after Alexanders Death— [Inher fit of talking, Man.. Good Lady DoL That Perdiccas and Antigonus were /lain. The two that fiood, Seleuc% and Ptolmee Mam. Madam. Dol. Made up the tvjo Legs, undthe fourth Beaji, That was Gog-north, and Egypt- fouth : whlfh after Was call'dGo^-i-'">n-leg, and South Iron-leg' -Mam. La- Do/. And the/- Gog-horned. .-(? zi'as f'-gypt, too. Then Egypt clay- leg, andiio^ciayleg"--^ | Mam, Swecr Madam. Dol, And laftGog'dufi, and Egy^t-dufi, which fall m ^36 Alchemist. 7 J In the lafl Link of the fourth Chain. And thefe Be Stars in Story, which none fee or look 4^— — Matn. What fhall I do? Dol.For, as he fays, exceft We call ihe Rabbins, and the Heathen Greeks • Mam. Dear Lady. Dol, To come from Salem, and from Athens, And teach the People of great Britain lac. What's the matter. Sir? Bol. Tofpeakthe Tongue of Eher,and]ay^n Afam.O, She's in her fi:.Dol.WeJhall know nothing-'FacJ^Qith.Sir^ We are undone. Dol, Where then a learned Lingmjl shall fee the ancient us^d communion Of Vowels and Confonants — Tac. My Matter will hear ! Bol. A Wifdom, which ]^ythzgOYAS held moft high-^-* Mam. Sweet honourable Lady. Dol. To comprix^ All founds of Voyces, in few marks of Letters Fac, Nay, you muft never hope to lay her now. Dol. And Co we may arrive by Talmud Skill, And prophane Greek, to raife the building up Of Helens Houfe againft the ifmaelite. King of Thogarmay and his Habergions Brimftony, blue, aud fiery j and the Force Of King Abaddon, andtheBeaft of Cittim^ "Which Rabbi David Kimchi, Onkelos, And Aben Ezra do interpret Rome. Fac. How did you put her into't ? Mam» Alas, I talk'd Of a fifth Monarchy 1 would ere£l, [Theyfpeak together* With the Philofophers (by chance) and fhe Palls on the other four ftraight. Fae. Out of Broughtoii 1 told you fo. 'Slid ftop her Mouth. Mum. Is't beft > Fac. She'll never leave elfe. If the old Man hear her. We are but/ew^, Afhes. 5«^. What's to do there > Fac. O , we are lofl. Now fhe hears him, fhe is quicf J Mam. Where fhall I hide me > [Upon Subtle'5 entry they dtfperfk Suh. How ! what fight is here ! Clofe deeds of Darknefs, and that fhun the light ! Bring him again. Who is he ? what, my Son ! O, I have liv'd too long. Mam, Nay good, dear Father,^ There was no unchafle purpofe. Sub. Not J and flee mm When I come in > Mam. That was my Error, Sub. Error? Quilt, guilt, my Son. Give it the right name. No marvel, P IF 74 7X^ A LCHEMI S T. If I found chetk in OUT great work yfhhin, ;Whcn fuch affairs as thcfc were managing ! MAm. Why, have youfo \ Sub. It }ias ftood ftiJl this half Hour : Knd all the reft of our lefs Works gone back. Where Is the Tnftrument of Wickednefs, My lewd faUeDrudgc? A/4W.Nay,goodSir,blamenothiin Believe me, 'twas againft his will, or knowledge. I faw her by chance. Sub^ Will ycu commit more fin, T' excufe a Varlet ? Mam. By my hope 'tis true. Sir. Sub, Nay, then 1 wonder lefs, if you, for whom The blefling was prepar'd, would fo tempt Heaven : And lofe your Fortunes. Mam, Why Sir J Sub. This '11 retard ^Thtwork, a Month at leaft. Mam^ Why, if it do. What remedy \ but think it not, good Father : Our Purpofes werehoneft. Sub. As they were. So the Reward will prove. How now ! Aye me. God, and all Saints be good to us. What's that ? [ A great Crack and Noifc witk'm, Fac. OSir, we are defeated! all the Works '/re flown infumo : every Giafs is burft. Fornace, and all rent down! as if a bolt Of Thunder had been driven through the Houfe. Retorts, Receivers, Pellicams-, Bolt-heads, All ftruck in fiiiv^r*^ ! Help, good Sir ! alas, [Suhth falls down as in afwoon, Coldnefs and deatli invades him. Nay, Sir MAmmon^ Do the fair offices of a Man ! Youfland, A s you were readier to depart than he. Who's there \ My Lord her Brother is come. Mam, Ha, Lungs? Tac. Hi&Coachisatthe Door. Avoid his fight, lor he's as furious as his Sifter is-mael, [Qm kMcks^ Mam. Aia« ! Fac, My Brain is quite undone with the fume, Sir. I ne'er muft hope to be mine own Man again. Mam, Is all lofl Lungs'*. Will nothing bepreferv'd, Of all our coft? Fac. Faith very little. Sir. A Beck of Goals, or fo, which is cold comfort. Sir. Mam* O my voluptuous mind I lam jufliy punifli'd. Fac. And foam 1, Sir. Mam. Caft from all myHopes Fac, T'be Alchemist. 7f^ Tac. Nay, certainties, Six. Mam. By mine own bafe afFedlionj. StiL O, the curft Fruits ol Vice and Luft ! .. [Subtle /^«Wf to come to himfelf, - Mam. Good Father, It was my Sin. Forgive it . Sub. Hangs my Roof Over us ftill, and will not fall, O Juftice, Upon us, for this wicked Man! lac. Nay, look. Sir, You grieve him now with ftayingin his light : Good Sir, the nobli Man will come too, and take you. And that may breed a Tragedy. Mam. 1*11 go, Fac. 1, and repent at home. Sir. It may be. For fome good Penance you may ha'tyet, A hundred Pound to the Box at BefUm—Mam. Yc% Fac. For the reftoring fuch as ha' their Wits. Mam. rll do't TacVW fend one to you to receive it. Mam. Do. \ Is t\o ^roje£lion\th\ Fac. All flown, or (links. Sir. Mam. Will nought be iay'-d, that's good for Med 'cine, think'ftthou? Fac, I cannot tell. Sir. There will be, perhaps. Something, about the fcrapingoftheShardes, Will cure the Itchj tho' not your itch of mind. Sir. It fhall b« fav'd for you, and fent home. Good Sir, This way, for fear the Lord (hould meet you. Sub. Fact. Fac. I. Suh. Is he gone J Fac. Yes, and as heavily As all the Gold he hop'd for, were in his Blood. Let us be light though. Suh. I, as Balls, and bou?^ And hit our Heads againft,the Roof for joy; There's fo much of our care now caft away. Fac. Now to o\ivBon. Sub. Yes, your young widow, by this time IsmsidesiCfiunufs, Face: Sh' has be>;n in travafl Of a young Heir for you. Fac. Good, Sir. Sub. Off with your cafe. And greet her kindly, as a Bridegroom fhould. After thefe common hazards, Fac. Very well, Sir. Will you go fetch Don Diego ofF, the while ? Sub. And fetch him over too, if you'll be plca«*d. Sir, "Would D;?/ were in her Place, 50 pick his Pockets now. Fac. Why, you can do it as well, if you would fctto't. I pray you prove your Vertuc. Sub. For your fake, Sir. D i SC E N£ ytf fhe Alchemist. S C E N E VI. Surl^t Da. Pliant, Subtle, Face. Sur* Lady, you fee into what Hands you are fain 5 *Mongft what a neft of Villains ! and how near Your Honour was t'have catch'd a certain clap (Thro' your credulity) had 1 but been So pundually forward, as place, time, And other Circumftances would ha' made a Man : For yo'are a handfome Woman,would you were wife too, I am a Gentleman come here difguis'd. Only to find the Knaveries of this Citadel, And where I might ha' wrong'd your honour,and ha 'not, I claim fome Intereft in your Love. You are. They fay, a widow, rich : and I am a Batchellor, Worth nought : your Fortunes may make me a Man, As mine ha' preferv'd you a Woman. Think upoi) it. And whether 1 have deferv'd you, or no. Pit. I will. Sir. Sur. AndforthefeHoufhold-rogues, let me alone. To treat with them. Sub. How doth my noble Diego ? * And my dear Madam Countefs ? Hath the Count Been courteous. Lady ? liberal > and open J Donfel, methinksyou look melancholick. After your coitum, and fcurvy ! True-ly, I do not like the diillnefsof your Eye, It hath a heavy caft, 'tis upfee-Dutch, And fays you are a lumpifh Whore-mafter. pie lighter, I will make your Pockets fo. [He falls to picking of them. Sur. Will you, Don Bawd, and pick-purfe t How now ! Reel you ? Stand up Sir, you fhall find fince I am fo heavy, I'll gi' you equal weight. Sub^ Help, murder! Sur. No, Sir,. The're's no fuch thing intended. A good Cart, And a clean Whip fhall eafe you of that fear. I am the Spant/h Don, that (hould be cozened* Do you fee ? cozened ? where'syour Captain Face> That Parcel-broker, and whole-bawd, all Raskal. f4f. How,5«r/;y! ^«r. O, make your approach, gooct Captain* I fhe Alchemist. 77 I have found from whence your Copper Rings and Spoons Come, now, wherewith you cheat abroad in Taverny* •Twas here you learn'd f anoint your Boot withBrimftone,' Then rub Mens Gold on't, for a kind of Touch, And fay 'twas naught, when you had chang'd the ColouF^ Thnt you might ha'tfor nothing. And this Doftor, Your footy, fmoky-bearded compeer, he Will clofe you fo much Gold, in a Bolts-head, And, on a turn, convey (i' the flead) another With fublim*d Mercury, that fliall burft i' the heat. And fly out all in fumo ? Then weeps Mammon : Then fwoons his Worfhip, Or, he istheF4«/?»^, That cafteth Figures, and can Conjure, cures Plagues, Piles, and Pox, by the Ephemerides, And holds Intelligence with all the Bawds, And Midwives of three Shires ? while you fend itt— ^ Captain, (what is he gone ?J Dam'fels with Child, Wives that are barren, or the waiting Maid With the Green Sicknefs ? Nay, Sir, you muft tarrf Tho' he be fcap'd ? and anfwer, by the Ears, Sir. SCENE III. Face, Kajlrily Surly, Subtle, Dru^ger, Ananias, Dame, Pliant, Dol. Fac. Why, now's the time, if ever you will quarrel Well (as they fay) and be a true-born Child. The Doftor, and your Sifler both are abus'd. Kaf. Where is he ? which is he ? he is a Slave What e'er he is, and the Son of a Whore. Are you TheMan,Sir, I would know? Sur. I Ihould be loth. Sir, To confefs fo much. Kaf. Then you lie i* your Throat } Sur. How ? Fac. A very errant Rogue, Sir, and a cheater, Employ'd here by another Conjurer, That does not love the Doctor, and would crofs him. If he knew how — S'^r. Sir, you are abus'd. ICa/. You lye $ And 'tis no matter. F^c. Well faid. Sir. Heis The impudent'fl Raskal Sur. You are indeed. Will you hear me. Sir > Fac. By no means: Bid him begone. Kaf, Begone/ Sir, quickly. Sur. This'sftrange ! Lady, do you inform yourBrother. D 3 Fei^ 78 fhe Alch EM IS T. ¥ac. There is not fuch a foift in all the Town^ The Doftor had him prefently : and finds yet. The Spanijh Count will come here. Bear up. Subtle, sub. Yes, Sir, he muft appear within this hour. "Fac, And yet this Rogue will come in adifgulfc. By the Temptation of another Spirit, To trouble our Art, tho he could nQt hurt it. Ka[. I, I know — Away, you talk like a foolilh Mauther. Sur. Sir, all is truth, fhe kji, Jac. Do not believe him. Sir. He is the lying'ft Swabber ! Come yonr ways. Sir, Sur. You are valiant out of Company. iCtf/. Yes,' How then. Sir > i^4C. Nay, here's an honefl Fellow too, that knows him. And all his Tricks. (Make good what I fay, Abel ) This cheater would ha' cozen'd thee o' the Widow. He owes this honeft Drugger, here, (even Pound, He has had on him, in two-penny'orthsof T(Di'4fftf. Dr«. Yes, Sir. And he has damn'd himfelf three Terms to pay me. lac. And what does he owe for Lotium f Vr, Thirty Shillings, Sir. And for fix Syringes. Sur. Hydra of Villany ! Fac. Nay, Sir, yon muft quarrel him out o' the Houfc. Kaf. I will.— Sir, if you get notouto'Doors,youlye: AndyouareaPimp. Sur. Why, this is Madnefs, Sir, Not Valor in you : I muft laugh at this. Kaf. It is my Humour : you are a Pimp, and a Trig, And an Amadis de Gaule, or a Don Dr», Yes, Sir. Fac. Thou muft borrow A Spanijh Suit. Haft thou no credit wfth the Players > Drtt. Yes, Sir: didyouneverfeemeplay theFool J Fac, I know not, N^^ : thou fhalt, if I can help it. Hieronomy" s old C\oik, RufF, and Hat will ferve, [Subtle hath whifpered with him this while. ril tell thee more when thoti bring'ft 'em. Ana. Sir, 1 know The Spaniard hates the Brethren, and hath Spies Wpon their Actions : and that this was one 1 make no fcruple. But the holy Synod Have been in Prayer, and Meditation for if. And 'tis reveal'd no lefs to them than me. That cafting of Money is moft lawful. Sui. True : But here I cannot do it j if the Houfe Shou'd chance to be fufpefted, all would out. And we be lock'o up in the Tower for ever, To make Gold there (for th' State) never come out : And then are you defeated. Ana. I will tell This to the EldcrSy and the weaker Brethren, That the whole Company of the Separation May join in humble Prayer again. {Sub. And Fafting) An4, Yea, for fome fitter Plade. The Peace of Mind D 4 Reft So The Alchemist. Reft with thefe Walls. Sub. Thanks, courteous Ananias, Fac. What did he come for J Sub. About cafting Dollers, Pre/ently out of hand. And fo I told him, A Spanijlj Minifter came here to Spie, Againft the faithful— -F^c. I conceive. Come 5";^^//^, Thou art fo down upon the ieaft Difafter ! How wouldft tho' ha' done, if I had not helpt thee out \ Sub. 1 thank thee, Vace, for the angry Boy, i-faith. Tac. Who would ha' lookt it fliould ha' been that Raskal Surly? He had dy'd his Beard and all. Well, Sir, Here's Damask come to make you a Suit. Sur, Where's Drugger ? Tac. He's gone to borfow me aSpaniJh Habit; ^ I'll be the Count, now. Sub. But where's the Widow? Fac. Within, with my Lord's Sifter : Madam D(?i Is entertaining her. Sub. By yom hvour. Face, Kow ftie is honeftlwill ftand again. Fac, You will not offer it t Sur, WhyJ Fac, Stand to your Word Or. here comes DoL She knows— 5«^. Yo*are tyrannous ftill. Fac. Stria for my Right, How now, Dol ? Haft'told her, T^heSpanifi Count mWcomt^. DoL Yes, hut anothef is come, You little look'd for ! Fac» Who's that J Dol. Youi Mafter : flies. The Mafter of the Houfei Sub, How, D^/. Fac. She This is fome Trick. Come, leave your Quiblins, Do- roihee* J:>oL Look out and fee. Sub, Art thou in earneft 3 Dol. 'Slight, lorty o' the Neighbours are about him, talking, Fac, Tishe, by this good Day. Dol. 'Twill prove ill Day. for fome on us. Fac. We are undone, and taken. Dol. I^oft, I'm afraid. Sub, You faid he would not come, While there died one a Week, within the Liberties. Fac, No : 'twas within the Wall? . Sub, Was't fo ? Cry 'you mercy, I ^he Alchemist. 8t I thought the Liberties. What ftiall we do now, F4ce' JBac. Be filent : not a word, if he call or knock. I'll into mine old fhape again and meet him, Oijtrtm'ji the Butler. 1' the mean time. Do you twa pack up all the Goods, and purchafe. That we can carry i' the two Trunks. I'll keep him Off for to Day, if I cannot longer : and then At Night, I'll fhip you both away to Ratcliff, Where we'll meet to Morrow, and there we'll lliare*. Let Mammon's Brafs and Pewter keep the Cellar: We'll have another time for that. But, Dol^ *Pr*y thee go heat a little Water quickly. Subtle muft (have me. All my Captains Beard' Muft off, to make me appear fmooth 'Jeremy, You'll do't ? Sub. Yes, I'll fhave you, as well as lean;. Jac. And not cut my Throat, but trim me > Sub* You: fhall fee. Sir. ACT V. SCENE I. Love-Wit, Neighbours. Lov, T T AS there been fuch refort, fay you? NeKvZ n Daily, Sir. Nei. 2. And Nightly, too. Net. 3. I, fome as brave; as Lords. Nii. 4. Ladies, and Gentlewomen.. Nei» 5. Citi* zens Wives. Net. I. And Knights. Nei, 6. In Coaches., Net. z. Yes, and Oyfter-women. Nei. I. Beiide other Gallants. Nei. 3. Sailors WivcjJ. Nei. 4. Tobacco-men. Nei. 5. Another Pimlico ! Lov. What fhould my Knave advance. To draw this Company ? He hung out no Banne/s Of a (trange Calf, with five Legs, to be fecn J Or a huge Lobfter, with fix Claws ? Net. 6. No, Sir; Nei. 3. We had gone in then,Sir. Lov. He has no Gift Of teaching i'the Nofe, that e'er I knew of. You faw no Bills fet up that promis'd Cure Of Agues,or the Tooth-ach ? Nei. 2. No fuch thing, Sir;. Lov. Nor heard a Drum flrook, for Baboonf, or Puppets? Ni'-y. 5. Neither,. Sir, P 5 £9V^ i£ The Al CUE Ml s t, Lov, What Device fhould he bring forth now ? Hove a teeming Wit as I love my Nourifhment: 'Pray God he ha' not kept fuch open Houfc, That he hath fold my Hangings, ^nd my Bedding : I left him nothing elfe : iT he have eat 'em, A Plague o' the Mouth, fay I : Sure he has got Some bawdy Piftures, to call thisging; The Frier, and the Nun j or the new Motion Of the Knights Courfes, covering the ParfonsMarcj The Boy of fix Year old, with the great Thing : Or't may be, he has the Fleas that run at Tilt, Upon a Table, or fome Dog to dance? When faw you him? Net, i. Who, Sir, Jgremy? Net. 2.. Jeremy Butler J We faw him not this Month. Lov. How! Ne'i. 4. Not thefe five Weeks, Sir. Net. 6. Thefe fix Weeks, at the leafl:. Lov. Yo' amaze me. Neighbours! Net. ^. Sure, if your Worfhip know not where hfe f?. He's dipt away. Net, 6. Pray God, he be not made away, [He knocks. Lov. Ha? It's no time to queftion, then, Net, 6i About Some three Weeks fince, I heard a doleful Cry, As I fate up, a mending my Wives Stockings. Lov. This's ftrange ! that none will anfwer ! Didft thou hear A Cry, falftthou? Net, 6. Yes, Sir, like unto a Man That had been ftrangled an Hour, and could not fpeak. NeK t. I heard it too, juft this Day three Weeks, at Two o' Clock Next Morning. Lov. thefe be Miracles, or you make 'em fo ? A Man an Hour ftrangled, and could not fpeak. And both vou heard him cry > Net. 3. Yes, downward. Sir. ' Lov. Thou art a wife Fellow : Give me thy Hand I pray thee. What Trade art thou on ? Net. 3* A Smith, an't pleafeyour Worfhip; Lov, A Smith? Then lend me thy help to get this Door open, ^«/* ' Wf Alchemist 8j IJei. 3. That I will prefently,Sir,but fetch my Tools-^ aei, I. Sir, beft to knock again, afore you break it. SCENE II. Love; wit, lace. Neighbour, L9V. I will. Fac. What mean you. Sir > Nth i, i, ^\ O, here's Jeremy ! Fac, Good Sir, come from the Door. Lov. Why! what's the matter > Tac. Yet farther, you are too near yet. Lov. V the name of Wonder! What means the Fel- low > Tac. TheHoufe, Sir, has been vifited. ^ther. Lov. What ? with the Plague ? fland thou then far- Tac. No, Sir, I had it not. Lov.Who had it then > I left None elfe, but thee, i' the Houfe ! Fac. Yes, Sir, my Fellow, The Cat, that kept the Buttery, had it on her A Week before 1 fpied it : but I got her Convey'd away, i' the Night. And fo I fiiut The Houfe up for a Month Lov, How! Fac. Purpofing then. Sir, T'have burnt Rofe-vinegar, Treacle, and Tar, And ha' made it fweet.thatyou fhould ne'er ha' known it 5 Becaufe I knew the Nev;s would but afflid you. Sir. . Lov. Breathe lefs, and farther off. Why this is ftranger ! The Neighbours tell me all, here, that the Doors Have ftill been open Fac, How, Sir ! Lov. Gallants, Men, and Women, And of all forts, tag-rag, been feen to flock here In threaves, thefe ten Weeks, as to a fecond Hogs-den^ In Days of Pimlico, and Eye-bright / Fac. Sir, Their Wifdoms will not fay fo ! Lov, To Day, they fpcak Of Coaches, and Gallants j one in a French-hoody Went in, they tell me : and another was feen In a Velvet Gown at the Window ! divers more Pafs in and out ! Fac. They did pafs thro' the Doors then. Or Walls, I aflure their Eye-fights, and theirSpeftaclesj For here. Sir, are the Keys t and here have been. In this my Pocket, now above twenty Days! And for before, I kept the Fort alone there. But that 'tis yet not deep i' the Afternoon, I 84 ^he Alchexiist. 1 (hould believe my Neighbours bad feen double Thro* the black-pot, and made thefe Apparitions! Tor, on my Faith to your Worfliip, for thefe 3 Weeks, And upwards,theDoor has not been open'd.Z^?-!^. ftrange \ NeK Good faith, I think 1 faw a Coach! Ke'i, 2. And I too, I'M ha' been fworn ! Lov. Do you but think it now ? And but one Coach? A^^;. 4. We cannot tell, Sir : ^erw?x Is a very honeft Fellow. Fac, Did you fee me at all J Net,. 1. No i that we are fure on. Ne'u.2, I'll be fworn o' that. Lov. Fine Rogues to have your Teftlmonies built on ! Net. 3. Is Jeremy come? Net, 1, O, yes. you may leave your Tools, We were deceiv'd, he fays. Net, 2. He has had the Keys : Jknd the Door has been (hut thefe three Weeks. Net. Like enough. Lov. Peace, and get hence, you Changelings.. Fas* Surly come! And Mammon made acquainted ?• They'll tell all. (How fhall I beat them off? What fball I do !) Nothing's more wretched than a guilty Confcience. SCENE IV. Surly y Mammon t Love- wit. Face, Neighhours, Kajiril, Ananias i Tribulation, Dapper ^ Subtle. . Sur. No, Sir, he was a great Phydcian. This,. It was- no Bawdy-houfe : but a meer Chancel,, You knew theLord,and his Sifter. M^w.Nay,good Surly* ^;/r.ThehappyWord,JSgR/V^— A/dW. Play not theTyran--. Sur. Should be to day pronounc'd to all.your Friends,, And where be your Andirons now : and your brafs Pots, "Xhat fhould ha' been golden Flaggons,and great Wedge f Mam. Let me but breathe. What ! they ha* Ihut their Doors,, Mc-thinks! Sur. I, now 'tis Holy-day with them* Mam. Rogues, Cozeners, Impoftors, Bawds. Fac. What mean you. Sir? [Mammon ^w^ Surly ^«(7<-^*.. Mam-, To e.'iter if we can. Fac. Another Man's Houfe ? Sere h the Owner, Sir. Turn you to him, An^. The Alchemist. 85* And fpeak your Bufinefs. Mam. Are you^Sir^the Owner? Lov» Yes, Sir. Mam. And are thofe Knaves within your Cheaters ? Lev. What Knaves \ what Cheaters ? Mam, Subtle, and his Lungs, Tac. The Gentleman is cliftra£ted, Sir ! No Lungs, Nor Lights ha' been feen here thefe three Weeks, Sir, Within thefe Doors, upon my Word ! Sur. Your Word, Groom arrogant ? Fac. Yes, Sir, I am the Houfe-keeper, And know the Keys ha' not been out o' my Hands. Sur^ This's a new Face. Fac, Youdomiftake the Houfe, Sir t What Sion was't at ? Sur. YouRaskal ! This is onfr O' the Confederacy. Come, let's get Officers, And force the Door. Lov. 'Pray you ftay,Gentlemeni Sur. No, Sir, we'll come with warrant. Mam. I, and then We fhall ha' your Doors open. Lov. What means-this ^ Fac. I cannot tell, Sir. Uei. I. Thefe are two o' the Gallants, That we do think we faw. Fac. Two of the Fools ? You talk as idly as they. Good-faith, Sir, 1 think the Moon has cras'd 'em all ! (O nie^ The angry Boy come too \ He'll make a noifc. And ne'er away till he have betray 'd us all.) Kaf. What Rogues, Bawds, Slaves, you'll open the Door anon, f Kaftril kncchi Punk, Cocatrice, my Sufter, By this light I'll fetch the Marfl:ial to you. You are a Whore, To keep your Caftle Fac. Who would you fpeak with, Sir ? Kaf. The Bawdy Doftor, and the Cozening Captain, And Pus my Sufter, Lov. This isfomething, fure! Fac. (Jponmytruft, the Doors were never open. Sir,. Kaf. I have heard all their Tricks told me twice over,^ By the fat Knight, and the lean Gentleman. Lov, Here comes another. Fac. Ananias too ? And his Ptf/^or .? Tri, The Doors are fhyt againft uj, [They beat too at the Door» Ana. Come forth, you Seed of Sulphur, Sons of Fire-, Your ftench is broke forth : Abomination 1^ in the Houfe. Kaf,^ I, my Suiter's there. Ana. The Place, I^ S6 The Alchemist. It is become a Cage of unclean Birds. Kaf. Yes, I will fetch the Scavenger, and the Con- ftable. Tr'i. You fhall do well. Ana, We'll join to weed them out. iCn/. You will not come then ? Punk, device my Sufter ! Ana. Call her not Sifter, She's a Harlot, verily. Kaf. I'll raife theSrreet. Lov. Good Gentlemen, a Word. Ana. Satan avoid, and hinder not our Zeal. Lov. The World's turn'd BetHem. lac. Thefe are all broke loofe. Out of St. Kather'nes, where they ufeto keep The better fort of Mad-folk?. Nel, i. All thefe Perfons "We faw go in and out here. Net. 2. Yes, indeed. Sir. Nei. 3. Thefe were the Parties. Fac. Peace, you Drunkards, Sir, I wonder at it ! Pleafe you to give me leave To touch the Door, I'll try an' the Lock be chang'd. Lov. It mazes me ! Fac. Good faith. Sir, I believe There's no fuch things 'Tis all deceptio vifus. "Would 1 could get him away. [Dapper cries out whh'm* Dap. Maftcr Cnptain,Mafter Doctor. Lov. Who's that} Tac. (Our Clerk within, that I forgot !) 1 know not,Sir, Dap. For God's fake, when will her Grace be at leifure > lac. Ha ! Illufions, feme Spirit o* the Air : (his Gag is melted. And now he fets out th'eThroat.) JD^/'.l'malmoft ftifled--* Fac. (Would you were altogether.) Lov 'Tis i* the Houfe. Ha! Lift. Fac. Believe it, Sir, i' the Air! Lov. Peace, you Dap. Mine Aunts Gra(6 does not ufe me well. Sub. You Fool, Peace, you'll mar all. Fac. Or you will elfe, you Rogue. Lov. O, is it fo ? Then you corverfe with Spirits ! Come Sir. No more o' your Tricks, good Jeretny, The truth, the (horteft way. Fac. Difmifs this Rabblc^Sir. What fhall I do > I am catch'd. Lov, Good Neighbours, 1 7>&^ Alche MIST* 87 I thank you all. You may depart. Come, Sir. You know that I am an indulgent Maftcr : And therefore conceal nothing. What's yourMed'cine^ Te draw fo many feveral forts of wild Fowl ? tac. Sir, you were wont to afFeft Mirth and Wit : (But here's no place to talk on'ti' the Street.^ Give me but leave to make thebeftof my Fortune, And only pardon me th* Abufe of your Houfe : lt*s all 1 beg. I'll help you to a Widow, In vecompence, that you fliall give me Thanks for. Will make you feven years younger, and a rich ©ne. 'Tis but your putting on a Spanifh Cloak. 1 have her within. You need not fear the Houfe, It was not vifited. Lov. But by me, who came Sooner than you expcded. Fac. It is true. Sir* *Pray you forgive me. Lo'u, Let's fee your Widow. SCENE VL Suiffle, Dapptr, lace^ Boll Sub. How ! ha' you eaten your Gag ? Dap. Yes faith, it crumbled Away i' my Mouth. Sub, You ha' fpoil'd all then. Dap, No> 1 hope my Aunt of Fairy will forgive me. Sub, Your Annt's a gracious Lady : but in troth You were to blame. Dap. The fume did over- come me^. And I did do't to ftay my Stomach. *?ray you So fatisfie her Grace. Here comes the Captain, Fac. How now ! Is his Mouth down J Sub, 1! he has fpoken! Fac. (A Pox, 1 heard him, and you too.) He*s undone then. (I have been fain to fay, the Houfe is haunted With Spirits, to keep Churle back. Sub, And haft thou done it ? Fac. Sure, for this night. Sub, Why, then triumph and fing Of Face fo famous, the precious King Of prefent wits. Fac. Did you not hear the coil, About the Door I Sub. Yes, and 1 dwindled with it.) 1 Fac, 88 The Alchemist. Tac. Shew him his Aunt, and let him be difpatch'd t V\\ fend her to you. Sub. Well Sir, your Aunt her Grace, Will give you Audience prefently, on my fute. And the Captains word, that you did not eat your Gag In any Contempt of her Highnefs Dap. Not I, in troth. Sir, [Dol like the §lueen of FairyJ Sub. Here fhe is come. Down o' your Knees and wriggle : She has a ftately prefence. Good. Yet nearer And bid, God fave you. Dap. Madam. f Sub, And your Aunt. Dap. And my mofl: gracious Aunt, God fave you Grace. Dol. Nephew, we thought to have been angry with you ? But that fweet Face of yours hath turn'd the Tide, And made it flow with Joy, that ebh'd of Love. Arife, and touch our Velvet Gown. Sub. The Skirts,' And kifs 'em. So. Dol. Let me now ftroke that Head. Much, Nephew, Jlialt thou win 5 much fialt thou fpend j. Much jhrdt thou give away 5 much Jlmlt thou lend. Sub. (I, much indeed.) ^hy do you not thank her Grace? Dap. I cannot fpeak for joy. Sub. See, the kind wretch! Your Gr^ff-^ Kinfman right. Dol. Give me the Bird.'' Here \s yom Fly in a Purfe, about your Neck, Coulin, Wear it, and feed it about this Day fev'night. On your right Wrift— Sub. Open a Vein with a Pin, And let it fuck but once a weeki till then, You muft not look on't. Dol. No. And, Kinfmin, Bear your felf worthy of the Blood you come on. Sub. Her grace would ha* you eat no more Woolfack Pies, Nor Dagger Frume'ty. Dol. Nor break his faft. In Heaven arid Hf //. Sub. She's with you every where! Nor play with Cof^ar-mongers, at mum-chance, tray-trip,. Cod make you rich, (when as your Aunt has done it:). but keep The gallant'It Company, and the l?efrGames*— X)4/;. Xes, Sir.. Sub:. fhe Alchemist. 8p Suh. Gleek and Prlmero : and what you get, be true to us. Dap. By this Hand, I will. Sub. You m;iy biing's a thoufartd Pound Before to morrow night, (IF but three thoufand Be ftirring) an' you will. Dap, I fwear, 1 will then. Suh. Your Grace will command him no more duties > Dot. No: But come, and fee me often. I may chance To leave him three or four hundred Chefts of Treafurc, Add fome twelve thoufand Acres of Fairy Land, If he game well, and comely, with good Gamefters, Sub. There's a kind Aunt! kifs her departing part. But you mull fell your forty Mark a year, now. Dap. I, Sir, I mean. Sub. Or, gi*t away : Pox on*t. Dap, ril gi*t mine Aunt. I'll go and fetch the Writings. Sub. 'Tis well, away. Tac. Where's Subtle? Sub. Here. What news J Fac. Drugger is at the Door, go take his Sute, And bid him fetch a Parfon, prefently : Say, he fhall marry the widow. Thou fhalt fpend A hundred pound by the fervice ! Now Queen Doly Ha' you pack'd up all ? Dol. Yes. And how do you like The Lady Pliant ? DoL A good dull innocent. Sub. Here's your Hieronimo's Cloke, and Hat. Fac. Give me 'em. Snb. And the RufF too J Fac. Yts, I'll come to you prefently. Suh. Now he is gone about his projeA Dol, I told you of, for the widow. Dol. ' Tis dired Againft our Articles. Sub, Well, we'll fit him, wench.' Haft thou gull'd her of her Jewels, or her Bracelets ? Dol. No, but I will do't. Sub, Soon at night, my Dolly, When we are fhipt, and all our Goods aboard, Eaft-ward for Ratdiff; we will turn our courfe To Brainford, weftward, if thou faift the word, And take our leaves of this o'er-weening Raskal, This peremptory Face. Dol. Content, I'am weary of him. Sub. Thou 'haft caufe, when the flave will run a wiving, Dol, Againft 50 ^he A L C H E M I S T. Againft the Inftrument that was drawn between us/ Dol. I'll pluck his Bird as bare as 1 can. Sub, Yes, tell her, r She muft by any means addrefs fome prefent To th* cunning Manj make him amends for wronging His Art with her Suspicion j fend a Ring, Or Chain of Pearl j fhe will be tortur'd elfe Extremely in her fleep, fay : and ha* ftrange things Come to her. Wilt thou, Boi, Yes. Suh, My figc flitter-moufe. My Bird o' the night 5 well tickle it at the Pigeons, When we have all, and may unluck the Trunks, And fay, this's mine, and thine j and thine and mine* [They kifs* lac. What now, a billing ? Stfb, Yes, a little exalted In the good paffage of our ftock affairs. Fac, Drugger has brought his Parfon j take him in,' SHhtle, And fend Nab back again to wafti his Pace* Suh. I will: and (have himfelf. Tac. If you can get him. l^oL You are hot upon it, Tace, what e*er it is ! Tac, A trick, that Dol fhall fpend ten pound a Month by. Is he gone > Suh. The Chaplain waits you i' the Hall, Sir. Fac, I'll go beftow him. DoL Hc*ll now marry her, * inftantly. Suh. He cannot, yet he is not ready. Dear J>ol, Cozen her all thou canft. To deceive him Is no deceit, but Juftice, that would break Such an inextricable tye as ours was. Bol, Let me alone to fit him. lac. Come, my ventures. You ha' packt up all ? Where be theTrunks ? Bring forth,^ Suh. Here. Fac, Let's fee *em. Where's the Money > Sub, Here. The Brethrens money, this. Bruggers, and Dappers, What Papers that \ Dot. The Jewel of the waiting Maids, That ftole it from her Lady, to know certain Fac. If fhe (hould have precedence of her Miftris \ Vol. Yes, lac. fhe Alchemist. pi Ju. What Box is that \ Snh. The Pifh-wivesRings^ 1 think. And th' Ale-wives fingle money. Is*t not "Dol? Del. Yes : and the whiftle, that the Sailors Wife Brought you to know an' her Husband were with Ward, Fac. We'll wet it to morrow : and our Silver-beakers, And Tavern Cups. Where be the French Peti-coats, And Girdles, and Hangers? Sub. Here, i' the Trunk, And the Bolts of Lawn. Fads Druggers Damask there ? And the Tobacco f Sub, Yes. Fac. Give me the Keys* DoU Why you the Keys ! Sub, No matter, Dol ; becaufe We fhall not open 'cm, before he comes. Fac, 'Tis true, you Ihall not open them, indeed : l^or ifuve 'cm fotth. Do yo1i£«e \ sNot forth, Dol. DoU No! Fac. No, my fmotk-fampant. The right fs my Mafter Knows all, has pardon'd me, and he will keep *emj Doftor, 'tis true (you look) for all your Figures: I fent for him, indeed. Wherefore, good Partners, Both he, and fhe, be fatisfied : for here Determines the Indenture tripartite, 'Twixt Subtle, Dol and Face. All I can do Is to help you over the Wall, o'the back fide; Or lend you a Sheet to fave your Velvet Gown, DoU Here will be Officers prefently, bethink you. Of fome courfe fuddainly to fcape the Dock : For thither you'll come clfe. Hark you. Thunder. [^Some knocfft Sub, You are a precious Fiend! Off, Open the Door. Fac. Dolt I am forry for thee i'faith. But hear eft thou ! It fhall go hard, but I will place thee fome where : Thou (halt ha' my Letter to}Ax^Yi%Amo. Dol. Hang you— Fac. Or }A.ad2ivtrG£farean. Dol. Pox upon you. Rogue, Would I had but time to beat thee. Fac. Subtle, Let's know where you fet up next: I'll fend you A cuftomer, now and then, for old acquaintance : What new courfe ha' you ? Sub. Rogue, I'll hang my felf j That I may walk a greater Devil than thou. And haunt thee i' the Flock-bed, and the Buttery. SCENE 51 The Alchemist. SCENE V. Leve-ivitf OfJlcerSy Mammov, Surly, Face, Kaftril, AnaniaSy Tr'ihulat'iony Dritggtr^ Da, Pliant. What do you mean, my Mailers 5 Mam. Open your Door, Cheaters, B.iwds, Conjurers. Off. Ok weMl break it open. Lov. What >3^arrant have you > Off. Warrant enough. Sir, <^oubt not. If you'll not open it. Lov', Is there an Officer, there? off. Yes, two or three for failing. Lov. Have but patience. And I will open it ftrai2;ht. lac. Sir, ha* you done? Is it a marriage > perfcd ? Lov. Yes, my Brain. lac. Off with your RufF, and Cloke then 5 be yout felf. Sir. Suri Down with the Door. Kaf, Slight, ding it open. Lov. Hold, Hold, Gentlemen, what means this violence? Mam. Where is this Colliar ? Sur. And my Captain lace? Mam. Thefe day-Owls, Sur. That are birding in Mens Purfes. Mam. Madam Suppofitory, Kaf, Doxey, my Sifter. ulna, Locufts Of the foul Pit. Tri. Prophane as Bel and the Dragon: Ana. Worfe than theGrafhoppers, or theLice of Egypt, Lov. Good Gentlemen, hear me. Are you Officers, And cannot flay this violence > Off. Keep the Peace. Lov. Gentlemen, what is the matter ? Whom do yoi| feek? Mam. The Chimkal cozener. Sur. And the Captain Pander. Kaf, The Nun my Sufter. Mam. Madam Rahbh Ana, Scorpions, And Caterpillars. Lov. Pewer at once, 1 pray you. Off. One after another. Gentlemen, I charge you. By vertue of my ftafF— — Ana. They are the vefTels Of Pride, Luft, and the Cart, i:o^'. Good Zeal, lie flill, A little while. Tri. Peace, Deacon Ananias. Lov, The Houfe is mine her^.and thcDoors are open : If ne Alchemist. pj If there be any fuch Perfons you feek for, Ufe your authority, fearch on o* God's Name. I am but newly come to Town, and finding This tumult 'bout my Door (to tell you true) It fomewhat maz'd me; till my Man, here, (fearing My more difpleafure) told me he had done Somewhat an infolent part, let out my Houfe (Belike, prefummg on my known aveifion From any Air o' the Town, v/hile there was Sicknefs) To a Doftor, and a Captain: who, what they are. Or where they be, he knows not. Majn. Are they gone \ [They enter. Lov. You may go in and fearch. Sir. Here, 1 find The empty Walls worfe than I left 'em, fmok'd, A few crack'd Pots, and GlafTes, and a Fomacei The Ceiling fiU'd with Poejies of the Candle : And Madam, with a Dildo, writ ©' the Walls. Only one Gentlewoman, I met here. That is within, that faid (he was a widow Kaf. I, that's mv Sufter. I'll go thump her. Where is fhe ? Lav, And Ihould ha* married a Sf>anijh Count, but he, When he came to't, nsglefted her fo grofly. That I, a widower, am gone through with her. Sur. How I Have I loft her then > Lov, Were you the Don^ Sir ? Good faith, now, fhe do's blame yo' extremely, and fa^'i Youfwore, and told her, you had tane the pains ^^ To dyz your Beard, and umbre o'er your Face, Borrowed a Sute, and Ruff all for her love j And then did nothing. What an Over fight, And want of putting forward. Sir, was this! Well fare an old Harquebuzier, yet. Could prime his Powder, and give fire, and hit, All in a twinckling. Mam, The whole neli are fled I Lov, What fort of Birds were they? [Mammon comes forth. Mam. A kind of Choughs, Or thievifh. Daws, Sir, that have pickt my Purfe Of eight-fcore and ten pounds, within thefc five Week?, Bcfide my firft Materials j and my Goods, 6 That ^P4 ^he Alghemist. That lie i' the Cellar : which 1 am glad they ha* lefr. I may have hqmc yet. Lov, Think you fo. Sir ? Mam. I, Lov. By order of Law, Sir, but not otherwife. Mam, Not mine owa ftuft'J Lov, Sir, 1 can take no knowledge. That they are yours but by publick means. If you can bring Certificate, that you were guUM of *eai. Or any formal Writ out of a Court, That you did cozen your felf, 1 will not hold them. Mam. ril rather lofe 'em. lox'. That you fhall not. Sir, By me, in troth. Upon thefe terms they are yours. What fhould they ha* been, Sir, turn'd into Gold all J Mam. No. I cannot tell. It may be they fhould. What then ; Lov. What a great lofs in Hope have you fuftain'd > Mam. Not I, tSe Commonwealth has. la^. I, he would ha' built The City new j and made a Ditch about it Of Silver, Ihould have run with Cream from Ho^fden; That every Sunday in Moorfields, the younkers. And tits, and tom-boys fhould have fed on, gratis. Mam, 1 will go mount a Turnip-cart, and preach The end o' the world, within thefe two months. Surly, What ! in a dream ? Sur. Muft I needs cheat my felf. With that foolifh vice of Honefty ! Come, let us go, and hearken out the Rogues. That Face I'll mark for mine, if e'er I meet him. Fac. If I can hear of him. Sir, I'll bring you word. Unto your Lodging j for in troth, they were ftrangcrs To me, I thought *em honeft, as my felf. Sir. [They come forth, Tri. 'Tis well, the Saints fhall not lofc all yet. Go, And get fome Carts — Lov. For what, my zealous Friends \ Ana, To bear away the portion of the righteous Out of this Den of Thieve?. Lov. What is that portion? jina. The Goods, fometimes the Orphans, that the Brethren. Bought with their Silver Pence. Lov. What, tbofei* the Cellar, The Knight Sir Mammon claims J jina» 1 do dcfic The ^e Alchemist. Pf The wicked Mammon^ fo do all the Brethren. Thou prt^hane Man, I ask thee, with what confcience Thou cai^ advance that Idol againft us. That have the Seal ? Were aot the Shillings numbrcd. That made the Pounds ? Wer€ not the Pounds told out. Upon the fecon4 day of the fourth week. In the eigth month, upon the Table dormant. The Year of the laft patience of the Saints, Six hundred and ten ? Lov, Mine earneft vehement Botcher, And Deaobn alfo, I cannot difpute with you. But if you get you not away the fooner^ 1 fhall confute you with a Cudgel. Ana. Sir. Tri. Be patient, Ananias, Ana, I am ftrong^ And will ftand up, well girt, againft an Hoft, That threaten Gad in exile. Lov. I fhall fend you To Amfttrdam to your Cellar. Ana, I will pray there,' Againft thy Houfe : may Dogs defile thy Walls, And Wafps, and Hornets breed beneath thy Roof, This feat of falfhood, and this cave of coz'nage. Lqv, Another too \ Dru, Not I Sir, I am noBrotherl [Drugger enters^ and he beats him away* Lov. Away you Harry Nicholas, do you talk ? Fac. No, this was Abel Drugger, Good Sir, Go, [To the Par/on^ And fatisfie him ; tell him, all is done : He ftaid too long a wafning of his Face, The Doftor, he (hall hear of him at Wejiche/ler -, And of the Captain, tell him, at Yarmouth, or Some good Port-town elfe, lying for a wind. If you get ofF the angry Child, now. Sir ■ Kaf. Come on, you yew, you have march'd moft fweetly, ha' you not > [To his Sijler^ Bid not I fay, I would never ha' you tupc But by a dubb'd Boy, to make you a Lady Tom } 'Slight, you area Mammet! O, 1 could toufe you, now.' Death, mun'you marry with a Pox > Lov. You lye. Boy ; As found as you: and. I am afore-hand with you. Kaf, Anon ? Lov. Come, will you quarrel? I will feize you, Sirrah, Why do you not buckle to your Tools J Kaf. Gods light V This S6 T'he Alchemist. This is a fine old Boy, as ere 1 faw ! Lov. What, do you change your Copy, now ? Proceed, Here ftands my Dove : ftoop at her if you dare. Kaf. 'Slight, Imuft love him! I cannot chufe i'faith 1 And I ftiould be hang'd for't. Sufter, 1 proteft, 1 honour thee for this match. Lov. O, do you fo. Sir. Kaf.YeSf an' thou canft t'kcTobacco, and drink oldBoy, I'll give her five hundred Pound more to her marriage. Than her ovi'n Scate. Lov, Fill a Pipe-fall, Jere?ny, Fac. Yes, but go in, and take it, Sir. Lov, We will. 1 wiU be rul'd by thee in any thing, Jeremy, Kaf. 'Slight, thou art not hide-bound! thou art a Jovy* Boy ! Come let's in, I pry'thee, and take our whifs. Lev. Whiff in with your Sifter, brother Boy, That Mafter That had receiv'd fuch happinefs by a Servant, In fuch a Widow, and with fo much Wealth, Were very ungrateful, if he would not be A little indulgent to that Servants wit. And help his fortune, though with feme fmall ftrain Of his own Candor. Therefore, Gentlemen, And kind Spedators, if I have out-ftript. An old Man's gravity, or ftrid Cannon, think What a Young Wife, and a good Brain may do: Stretch ages truth fometimes, and crack it too. Speak for thy felf". Knave. Fac. So I will, Sir. Gentlemen, My part a little fell in this laft Scene, Yet 'twas decurum. And though I am clean Got off from Subtle, Surly ^ Mammon, Dd, Hot Ananias, Dapper, Drugger, all With whom I traded j yet I put my felf On you, that are my Country: and this Pelfj Which I have got, if you do quit me, refts To fcafl you often, and invite new Guefts, THE END. ETICOENE: OR, THE Silent Woman. A COMEDY, Firft Adled in the Year 1609. By the King's Majefty's Servants. WITH THE Allowance of the Mafter of Revels. The Author B. J. Ut fis tufimilts Coeli^ Byrrhiqne latronum^ Non egofim Capri ^ neque SuUt: Cur metuas me'K Horat. LONDON: Printed for J, Walthoe, G. Conyers,^. Knapton, R, Knap' lock, D. Midwinter and ji. Ward, A. Betefworth and C. Hitch, B, Lintot, f. Ton/on, W. Innys, J. Oshorn and T. Longman, R. Robinfon, T, Wotton, and B. Motte : And fold by W. Feales, at Rowers Head^ ©ver-againft Cletmnt^s-lnn Gate, 1 75 2, The PERSONS of the PLAY. Morofe, a Gentleman that loves not Nolfe* Daup Eugene, a Knight, his Nephew* Clerimont, a Gentleman, his Friend, True-wit, another Friend. Epicoene, A young Gentlewoman, fuppos*dpht Siknt Woman. Job. Daw, A Knight, her Servant. Amorous La-Fool, A Knight alfo. Thorn. Ottor, A Land and Sea-Captain, Cutberd, a Barber, Mute, One of MqvqCq his Servants. Mad. Haughty, 1 Mad. Centaure,Sx^^iV; Collegiate. Mad. Mavis, 3 Mr5. Mavis, the Lady Hauglities Woman^ Mrs. Ott^r, the Captain's Wife, Pretenders. Persons* Pages. Servants. "The SCENE, LONDON. The Principal Comoedians were, 2>I AT. FIELD. GIL. CARIE. HUG. ATTAWEL. ]^OHN SMITH. WILL. BARKSTE D» WILL. PEN. RICH. ALLIN, JOH. BLANET. EPL ETICOEN E: OR, THE Silent Woman. PROLOGUE. rRuth faysy of Old^ the Art of making Plays, Was to content the People j and their Praife Was to the Poet Money, Wine, and Bays. But in this Age, a Setl of Writers are. That, only, for particular Likings care. And will Tafie nothing that is Popular. With fuch we mingle neither Brains nor Breajls j Our Wijhes, like to thofe make Publiek Feafis, Are not to plea fe the Cooks Tafie, but th% Guejis» Yet, if thofe cunning Palates hither come ^ They fjall find Guejis Entreaty, and good Room ; And though all ReliJJi not, fure there will be feme. That, when they leave their Seats, fhail make Vw fay^ Who wrote that Piece, could Jo have wrote a Play » But that, he knew, this was the better way. "Eor, to present all Cuftard, or all Tart, And have no other Meats to bear a part. Or want to Bread, and Salt, were but conrfe Art, A 1 Th 4 E P I C OE N E : Or, The Poet prays you then, ivith better Thought To fity and, when hh Gates are all in brought j Though there be none far-fet, there will dear-bought^ Be fit for Ladles : Some for Lords, Knight s^ ^Squires; Some for your Waiting- Wench, and City Wires i^ Some for your Men, and Daughters ^/White-Friers. i^oris it, only, while you keep your Seat Here, that^his Feaft will lafl j but you Jhall eat A Week At Ordinaries, on his broken Meat : Jf his Mufe be true, who commends her tp you, ANOTHER, The Ends of all, who for the Scene do Write, Arje, or jhould be, to frofit and Delight, 'oAndfiill't hath been thePraife of all befi Times, ■ So Perfons were not touch d, to tax the Crimes^ Then, ' in this Play, which we frefent to Night, And make the Obje5l of your Ear and Sight, On forfeit of your felves, think nothing True : Left fo you make the Maker to judge you ; J'^r he knows. Poet never Credit gain'd By writing Truths, but Things (like Truths) well fain' d. If any, y-et will {with particular Slight Of application) wreft what he doth write j And that he meant, or him, or her, will fay : They make a Libeli which he made a Play, ACT I. SCENE I. Clerimont, Boy, True-wit. A' you got the Song yet perfe£l, I ga* you. Boy ! [He comes out making himfelfr^ady. Boy. Yes, Sir. der. Let me hear it. jBo>. You fhall, Sir; but i* faith let no Body ch^'e, Clen. Why, I prayi Boy* a fibe Silent Woman.* f :Boy, It will get you the dangerous Niame of a Poet in Town, Sir: beficks, me » perfeft deal of Ill-will at the Manfion you wot of, whofe Lady is the Argu- ment of it, where now I' am the welcomed Thing un- der a Man that comes there. Cler. I xhink, and above a Man too, if the Trutlv were Rackt out of you. Boy. No faith, I'll confefs before. Sir. TheGemle-- women play with me, and throw me o' the Bed } and carry me in to my Lady, and fhe KilTes me with her Oil'd Facej and puts a Petruke o* my Head j and asks- me an' I will wear her Gown? And I fay. No: And then file hits me a Blow a* the Ear, and calls me In- nocent, and lets me go. C/^r. No marvel, if the Door be kept fhut agafnft your Mafter, when the Entrance is fo eafie to you well. Sir, you fhall go there no more, left I be fain to feek your Voice in my Lady's Rufhcs, a Fortnight hence. Sing, Sir. [Boy Sings 4- Tru. Why, here's the Man that can melt away bis Time, and never feels it! What between his Miftrefs Abroad, and his Engle at Home, high Fare, foft Lodg- ing, fine Clothes, and his Fiddle; he thinks the Hours ha' no Wings, or the Day no Poft-horfe. Well, Sir Gallant, were you ftruck with the Plague this Minute, or condemn'd to any capital Punifhment to-morrow, you would begin then to think, Jfnd value every Particle o'your Time, efteem it at the true rate, and give all' for'r. Cler. Why, what fhould a Man do > Tru. Why, Nothing : Or, that, which when *tir done, IS as idle. Hearken after the next Horfe-Race, or Hunting-Match i Lay Wagers, Praife Puppy, or t Pepper-corn, White-foot, Franklin j Swear upon White- mains Party; fpealc aloud, that my Lords may hear you ; Vifit my Ladies at Ni«ht, and be able to give 'em • the Charaderof every Bowler or Better o* the Green, Thefe be the Things, wherein your fafhionable Men Exercife themfelvcs, and I for Company. A y clerl S E P I C OE N E: Or, Cler, Nay, if I have thy Authority, I'll not leave yet. Come, the other are Confiderations, when we come to have grey Heads, and weak Hams, moift Eyes, and fhrunk Members. We^Jl think on 'em then j then we'll Pray and Faft. Tri4. I, and deftine only that time of Age to Good- iiefs, which our want of Ability will not let us employ in Evil ? CUr. Why^ then 'tis time enough. Trtt. Yesj as if a Man fhould Sleep all the Term, and think to efFed his Bufinefs the laft Day : O, CU' nimont, this time, becaufe it is an incorporeal Thingj, and not fubjeift to Senfe, we mock our felves the fine- tieft out of it, with Vanity and Mifery indeed : Not feeking an end of Wretchednefs, but only changing the Matter •ftill. Cler. Nay, thou'l not leave no— Trt4. See but our common Difeafe ! with what Juftice can we complain, that great Men will not look upon us, nor be at leifure to give our Affairs fuch Difpatcb, as we expe£l, when we will never do it to our felve* s Not Hear, nor Regard our felves. Cler. Foh, thou hafl read Plutarch's Morals, now, or fome fuch tedious Fellow; and it fhows fo vilely with thee: 'Fore God, 'twill fpoil thy Wit utterly. Talk me of Pins, and Feathers, and Ladies, and Rufhes, and. fuch Things t And leave this Stoiciiie a- lone, 'till thou mak'fl Sermons. Tru, Well, Sir 5 if it will not take, I have learnM to loofe as little of my Kindnefs, as I can. I'll do Good to no Man againft his Will, certainly. When were you at the College > Cler, What College? Tru. As if you knew not! Cler. No faith, I came but from Court Yeflerday.' Tru. "Why, is it not arrivM there yet, the News ? A new Foundation, Sir, here i* the Town, of Ladies, that call themfelves the Collegiates, an order be- tween Courtiers and Country-Madams, that live from their Husbands j and give Entertainment to all the Wits, ^e Silent Woman. 7 wits, and Braveries o* the time, as they call *em - Cry down, or up, what they like, or diflike in a Brain or a Fafliion, with moft Mafculine, or rather Hgrma' fhroditlcal Authority j and every Day gain to their Coiledge fomj? new Probationer. Cler. Who is the Prefident? Tri4. The grave and youthful Matron, the Lady Baughfj. Cler. A Pox of her autunfinal Face, her piec'd Beau- ty : There's no Man can be admitted till (he be ready, now-a-days, till fhe has Painted, and Perfum'd, an<5 Wafht, and Scour'd, but the Boy here 5 and him fhe wipes her Oil'd Lips upon, like a Sponge. 1 have made a Song, I pr'y thee hear it, o' the Subj^d, SONG. StUl to he Neat, Jlill to be Drefi, jis yot4 were going to a Feafi j St'ili to be Powdered, fllll Perfumed : Lady, it is to he Prefum'd, Though Arts hid Caufes are not found, \ All is not Sweet, all is not Sound. Give me a Look, give me a Face, That makes Simplicity a Grace ^ Rohes loofely Fhuuingy Hair as Freer Such fweet Negle^ more taketh me. Than all th' Adulteries of Art; They Jlrike mine Eyes, but not my HexrtZ Tru. And I am clearly c' the other fiJe: I lox'e a* good DrefTing before any Bcaury o* the World. O, a Woman is then like a delicate Garden; nor is tiiereone kind of it; fhe m?.y vary every hour; take often counfel of her Gkfs, and chufe the beft. If fhe have good Ears, fhow 'em ; good Hair, by it out ; good Legs, wear fhort Clothes: a good Hand,- difcover it often ; pradife any Art to mend Breath, cleanfe Teeth, repair Eye-brows, Paint, and Profefs it. A 4 Cler,. 8 E P I C OE N E: Or, Cler. How? Publickly > Tru^ The doing of it, not the manner : That muft be private. Many things, that feem foul i' the doing, Thou fhouldft ha' reliev'd her. Tr:i. No faith, I let her alone, as we'll let this Ar- gument, if you pleafe, and pafs to another. When jf.iw you Dauphin e Eugene? . Cler. Not thefe three Days. Shall We go to him this Morning? He is very Melancholick, I hear. Tru. Sick o' the Uncle? Is he ? I met that ftifFPiece of Formality, his Unc!e, yeflerday, with a huge Tur- bant of Night-caps on his Head, buckled over his Ears. Cler. O, that's his Cuflom when he walks abroad. H« can endure no Noife, Man. Tru, Vhe S I L £ N T-W o m'a n, Tru, So I have heard. But is the Difeafe fo ridN cnlous m him as it is made ? They fay he has been upon divers Treaties with the Fifli-wives, and Orange- women J and Articles propounded between them : Marry, the Chimney- fweepers will not be drawn in. CUr, No, nor the Broom-men : They Hand outftifly. He cannot endure a Coftard-monger, he Swoons if he hear one. Tru, Methinks a Smith flibuld be ominous. Cler. Or any Hammer-man. A Brafier is not fuf- fer'd to dwell in the Parifh, nor an Armorer. He would have hang'd a Pewtcrer's 'Prentic« once on a Shrove-Tuefdays Riot, for being o* that Trade, when the reft were quiet. TrH, A Trumpet would fright him terribly, or the Hau'boys. Cler, Out of his Senfes. The Waights of the City have a Penfion of him not to come near that Ward. This Youth pradis'd on him one Night like the Bell- man j and never left till he had brought him down to the Door, with a long Sword : And there left hioi flouri.fhing. with the Air, Bo'y, Why, Sir ? He hath chofen a Street to lie in,' fo narrow at both ends, that it will receive no Coaches, . nor Carts, nor any of thefc common Noifes : And therefore, we that love him, devife to bring him fuch as we may, now and then, for his exerctfe, to Breathe him. He would grow Refty ^Ife in his Eale : His Vertue would Ruft without Aftion. I ^ imreaced a Bareward, one Day to come down with the Dogs of fome four Parifhes that way, and 1 thank him he did j and cried his Games under, Miftcr Morofe^s Window : Till he was fent crying away, with his Head made a moft bleeding Speftacle to the Multitude. And, ano- ther time, a Fencer, going to his Prize, had his Drum moft Tragically run through, for taking that' Street in his way, at my requeft.^ TrH, A good Wac^. How does for he the Bells > ' Cle. O, i' the Queen's time, he was wont to go cut of Town every Satnrday at ten a Clock, or on A 5 Holy 'Jay lo EPICOENE: Of, Holy-day Eves. But now, by realon of the ficknefj, the perpetuity of ringing has nnade him devife a Room, with double Walls, and treble Cielingsj the Win- dows clofe Ihut and chalkM : and there he lives by Candlelight. He turn*d away a Man, laft Week, for having a Pair of new Shooes that creak'd. And this Fellow waits on him now in Tennis-court Socks, or Slippers foald with Wool : and they talk to each other in a Trunk. See, whocomef here. S C E N E 11. T>auphine, True-wit, CUrlmont, T>aH. How now ! what ail you Sirs ? dumb > Tru. Struck into Stone, almoft, 1 am here, with Tales ©• thine Uncle! There was never fuch a Prodigy heard of. -D4«, I would you would oncelofe this Subjed, my Mafters, for my fake. They are fucK as you are, that have brought me into that Predicament 1 am with him. Tru. How is that ? Dau, Marry, that he will difinherit me. No morCo He thinks, I, and my Company are Authors of all the ridiculous Afts and Monuments are told of him. Trit. 'Slid, I would be the Author of more to vex himj that Furpofe deferves it : it gives the Law of plagueing him. I'll tell thee what I would do. 1 would make a talfe Almanack, get it printed : and then ha' him drawn out on a Coronotion Day to the Tower- wharf, and kill him with the noife of the Ordnance. Difinherit thee! he cannot, Man. Art not thou next of Blood, and his Sifter's Son ? Bau. I, but he will thruft me out of it, he vows^, and marry. Tru. How! that's a more portent. Can he endure no noife, and will venture on a Wife \ Ch. Yes, why, thou art a Stranger, it feems, to his beft trick, yet. He has imploy'd a Fellow this half Year, all ovet England, to hearken him out a dumb ' Woman ^e Si LENT- Woman. it Woman; be fhe of any Form, or any Quality, fo file be able to bear Children : her filence is Dowry e- nough, he fays. Tru. But I truft to God he has found none. Cle, No, but he has heard of one that's lodg'd i'the next Street to him, who is exceedingly foft Ipokenj thrifty of K%r Speech j that fpends bur fix Words a day. Ajttd her he's about no.vy. and fhili have her. Tru. Is't pofUble! who h his Agent i' the bufinefs ? Cle. Marry a Barber; an hpneff fellow, one that tells Bauphine all here. Tru. Why you opprefs n^e with wonder! A Wo- man, and a Ba;-ber, and love^tio noife ! Ck. Yes faich. The Fellow trims him filently, and ha§ not the knack with his Sheers or his Fingers :and that Contincncy in a Barber he thinks (o eminent a Vertue, as it has made him chief of his Counfel. Tru. Is the Barber to b^ feen ? or the Wench t Cle. Yes, that they are. Try. I pr'y thee,D4?au. I have fome Bufincfs now : I cannot i' faith,' Tru. You ftiall have no bufinefs (hall make you neg- Icft this. Sir: we'll ipake her talk, believe it- or if file will not, we can give out, atleaft fo much asfii^Il interrupt the Treaty : we will break it. Thou art bounds in Confcience, when he fufpe£ts thee without caufe, to torment him. Dau, Not I, by any means. 1*11 give no fufFrage to'f. He (hall never have th^t Plea againft me, that I oppos'd the leaft Phant'fie cf his; Let it lye upon my Stars to be guilty, ''11 be innocent. Tru. Yes, and be poor, and beg; do. Innocent: when fome Groom of his has got him an Heir, or this Barber, if he himfelr cannot. Innocent. 1 pr'y thee, Ned, where lies (he ? let him be innocent ftill. Cle. Why right over agair.ft the Barbers 3 in the Houfe where Sir fohn Daw lies. Tru, You not mean to confound me ! Cle. Why? Tr;/..Does he that would marry her know {0 much > 9.^h 12 EPICOENE.-Or, Ck. I cnnnot tell. Tri4. Tweie enough of imputation to her withhimJ Cle, Why ? Tn4. The only talking Sir i' the Town ! Jack Daw ! And he teach her not to fpeak, God b'w*you. Ihaye feme Bufinefs too. Cle. Will you not go thither then > Tru, Not with the Danger to meet Dazv, for mine Ears. Cle. Why? I thought you two had been upon very good Term?, Trti. Yes, of keeping diftance. Cle. They fay, he is a very good Scholar. Tru, I, and he fays it firft. A pox on him, a Fel- Ibw that pretends only to Learning, buys Titles, and nothing elfe of Books in him. Ck. The World reports him to be very learned. Tru. 1 am forry, the World Ihould fo confpire to belye him. Cle. Good Faith, I have heard very good things come from him. Tr//. You may. There's none fo defperately igno- rant to deny that: would they were his own. God b* W* you Gentleman. Ch, This ij very abrupt ! ' SCENE III. JDanphme, Cleremmt^ Boy', 1>AU, Comt, you are a ftrange open Man> to tell every thing thus. cle. Why, believe it Hauphlne, True ivits a very ho- ne ft Fellow. Datt. 1 think no other: but this frank nature of his is not for fee rets. Cle. Nay then, you are miftakcn, Dauphine : 1 know where he has been well trufted, and difcharg'd tht truft very truly, and heartily. Dau. 1 contend notj Ned, but, with the. fewer a bu- fiocfsJs carried, it is ever the fafer. Ngwwcare alone, if ^e Sii-E NT- Woman; r^ if you'll go thither, I am for you. CU, When were you there? Dau. Laft Night : and fuch a decameron of fport fallen outj Boccace never thought of the like, Davj does nothing but court her : and the wrong way. He would lye with her, and praifes her modefty ; defifes that fhe would talk, and be free, and commends her filence in Verfes j which he reads, and fwears, are the beft that ever Man made. Then rails at his For* tunes, Stamps, and Mutines why he is not made a Counfellor, and call'd to Affairs of State. Cte, 1 pr*y thee let's go. I would fain partake this^ Some Water, Boy, Dau, We are invited to Dinner together, he and I^ by one that came thither to him, Sir La-Fook, Cle, O, that's a precious Mannikiii. Dan. Do you know him } Cle. I, and he will know you tooj iferehefaw jou but once, tho* you fhould meet him at Church in the midft of Frayers. lie is on& fyf the Braveries, the* he be none o' the Wits. He will Salute a Judge upon the Bench, and a Bifhop in the Pulpit, a Lawyer when he is pleading at the Bar, and a Lady when Ihe is dancing in a Mafque, and put her out. He does give Plays, and Suppers, and invites his Guefts to *em, aloud out of his Window, as they riHe by m Coaches. He has a Lodging in the Strand for the Purpofe: or to watch when Ladies are gone to th« China Houfes, or the Exchange, that he may meet 'em by chance, and give 'em Prefents, fome two or three hundred Pounds worth of Toys, to be laught at. He is never without a Spare-banquet, or Sweet-meats in his Chamber, their Women to alight at, and come up to for a B:\ir. Dau. Excellent ! He was a fine Youth laft Night, but now he Is much finer 1 what is his Chriften Name > 1 ha' forgot. Cle. Sir Jmcrous La-Voole. Boy. The Gentleman is here that owns that Name.' Cle. Heart, he's come to inyiie pic to Dinner, I hold my Life, P4m* 14 EPICOENE: Or, Dau. Like enough : pr'y thee let's ha' him up.' Cle. Boy, marflial him. Boy. With a Truncheon, Sir } Cle. Away, I befeech you. I'll make him tell ushh Pedegree, now; and what Meat he has to Dinner; and who are his Gueftsj and, the whole courfe of his For- tunes with a breath. SCENE IV. La-VooU, Cleremom, Danphinei Bau. Save dear Sir Dauphine, honour'd Mafter Cle^ mont. Cle. Sir Amorous V you have very much honefted my. Lodging, with your PreTence. La-V. Good faith, it is a fine Lodging! almoft, as delicate a Lodging as mine. Cle. Not fo, Sir. La-F. Excufe me, Sir, if it were i' the Strand, 1 affure you. 1 am come, Mafter Clermont, to intreat you to wait upon two or three Ladies, to Dinner, to day, Cle. How Sir! wait upon 'em? did you ever fee me carry Difhes? Z4-F. No, Sir, difpenfe with npie; I meant, to bear *em company. Cle. O, that I will. Sir: the doubtfulnefs o' your Phrafe, believe it. Sir, would breed you a Q^uarreloncc an Hour, with the terrible Boys, if you Ihould keep 'cm fellpwDiip a day. i4-F. It fhould be extreamly again^ my Will, Sir, if I contefted with any Man. Cle, I believe it, Sir; where hold you your Feafl i- La-F, At Tom Otters, Sir. Ban. Tom Ottersl what*5 he ? La-F. Captain Otter, Sir; he is a kincj ofG^mefter,. but he has had command both by Sea and by Land, T>ai/, O, then he is anitnal amphik'tum f La F. I, Sir : his Wife was the rich C^iw/?- Woman, that the Courtiers vifited fo often ; thatgavehe rare Entertainment. She commands all at home. Clt.. ^e Silent Woman. jf Ck. Then, fhe is Captaia Otter. La-F. You fay very well, Sirj fhe is my Kinfwo* man, a La-Foole by the Mother-fide, and will invite, any great Ladies, for my fake. Datt, Not of the La-Fooles of EJfex ? La-F. No, Sir, \\\q La-Fooles oi London, Cle, Now, he's in. La-F. They all come out of our Houfe, the Zrf- Fooles o' the North, the La-Fooles of the Wefl, the La<- Fooles of the Eaft and South .we are as ancient a Family as any is in Europe but I my felf am de- fcended lineally of the French La-F«oles and, we da bear our Coat yellow, or j Or, checker'd Az,ure, and Gules, and fome three or four Colours more, which is a very noted Coat, and has, fometimes, been fo- lemnly worn by divers Nobility of our Houfe but let that go, antiquity is not refpefted now — I had a Brace or fit Does fent me. Gentlemen, and half a dozen of Pheafants, a dozen or two of Godwits, and fome other Fowl, which 1 would have eaten^ while they are good, and in good Company there will be a great Lady, or two, my Lady Haughfy, my Lady Cmtat^re, Miftris Dol Mavis and they come a* purpofe, to fee the filent Gentlewoman, Miflris Eftcoeney that honefl Sir '^ehn Daw has promis'd to bring thither and then, Miflris Trufiy, my Ladies Woman, will be there too, and this honourable Knight, Sir Dauphtm^ with your felf Mafler Clerirnont ——and we'll be very merry, and have Fiddlers, and dance 1 have been a mad Wag, in my time, and have fpent fome Crowns fince I was a Page in Court, to my Lord Loftj^ and after, my Ladies Gentleman Uflier, who got me Knighted in Ireland, fince k pleas'd my elder Brother to dye I had as fair a Gold Jerkin on that day, as any was worn in the lHand- Voyage, or at Cnd'tZy none difprais'd, and I came over in it hither, fnow'd my felf to my Friends in Court, and after went down to my Tenants in the Countrey, and furvey'd my Lands, let new Leafcs, took their Money, fpent it in the Eye o' the Lsmd h«re. tS E P r C OE N E : Or, here, upon Ladies — —and now I can take up at mj pleaiure. Dau. Can you take up Ladies, Sir? Cle. O, let him breathe, he has not recover^. Dau. Would I were your half, in that Commodity; Cle. No, Sir, excufe me : I meant Money, which can take up any thing. 1 have another Gueft, or two, to invite, and- fay as much to. Gentlemen. I'll take my leave abruptly, in hope you will not fail— Your Servant. Dau. We will not fail you, Sir precious La-Fcole-, but fhe fhnll, that your Ladies come to fee:. if I have credit, afore Sir Daw. Cle, Did you ever hear fucH a Wind-fucker, as this? Dau, Or fuch a Rook as the other ! that will betray his Mafter to be fzcn.. Come, 'tis time we prevented it. Cle, Go. ACT II. S C E N E I Morofe, Mttie, Jd»r./^^^^ not I, yet, find out a more compendious V_^ Method, than by this Trunk, to fave my Ser- vants the labour ;of Speech, and mine Ears the difcord of founds ? Let me fee; ail Difcourfes but my own afB'ft me, they feem harfh, impertinent, and irkfom.. Is it not poflible, that thou fhouldft anfwcr me by Signs, and 1 apprehend tKee, Fellow? fpeak not tho* I queftion you. You have taken the ^fr ''.eheaches Ring off from the Street Door, as I J., U ihe Fellow ]^^^^ you? anfwer me not by fpeech, ^,^« Uss or ^^^ ^., (i,g„^e. ^nlefs it be otherwife ^ * { — ) very good: And, you have faftened on a thick Quili, or Flodc-b^d, on the out- fide of the Door J that if they knock with their Daggers, «r with BricJibats, they can jnake no nouej but with youf. TBe S iLEKT Woman. 17 your Leg, you anfwer, unlefs it be otherwife ( — ). very good. This is not only fit modefty in a Servant, but good ftate and difcretion in a Mafter, And you have been with Cutberd the Barber, to have him come to me \ ( ) good. And, he will come pre- fently ? anfwer me not with your Leg, unlefs it be otherwife : if it be otherwife, (hake your Head, oc fhrug. ( ) So. Your Italian^ and Spaniard, are wife in thefe ! and it is a frugal and eomely Gravity. How long will it be ere Cutberd come ? ftay, if an hour hold up your whole Handj if half an hour, two Fingers; if a quarter, one; ( ) good: half a quar- ter ? 'tis well. And have you given him a Key, to come in without knocking > ( ) good. And, is the Lock oyl'd, and the Hinges to day ? ( /good. And the quilting of the Stairs no where worn our and bare ? ( — ) very good. I fee, by much Doftrine, and Impulfion, it may be effefted j ftand by. The Turky in this divine Difcipline, is admirable, exceed- ing all the Potentates of the Earth; ftill waited on by Mutes; and all his Commands fo executed; yea, even in the War, (as I have heard) and in his marches, moft of his Charges and Direftions given by Signs, and with filence : an exquifite Art ! and 1 am heartily alhamed, and angry oftentimes, that the Princes of Chr'ijiendom, fhould fufFer a Barbarian, to tranfcend *em in fo high a Point of Felicity. I will praftife it, hereafter. How now? oh! ohl what Villain ? what Prodigy of Mankind is that ? look. Oh ! cut his Throat, cut his Throat: what Murderer, Hell-hound, Divel can this be ? [0«^ winds a Horn without again. Mut. It is a Poft from the Court Mor. Out Rogue, and mufb thou blow thy Horn, too ? Mut. Alas, it is a Poft from the Court, Sir, tha& fiuyj, he muft fpeak you, pain of Death— — Mor, Pain of thy Life, be filent. S C B N E i8 E P I C OE N E: Of, S C E N E. 11. True-wit, Morofe, Cutberd. By your leave. Sir, I am a ftranger here : Is your Kair.e Matter Af) Tru. And are extremely follicitous for you. Sir. Mor. Whofe Knave are you ! Tru. Mine own Knave, and your Compeer, Sir. Mor. Fetch me my Sword Tru. You fhall tafte the one half of my Dagger, if you do (Groom) and you the other, if you ftir. Sir: Be patient, I charge you, in the King's Name, and hear me without Infurreftion. They fay, you are to Marry ? To Marry ! Do you mark. Sir } Mor. How then, rude Companion! Tru. Marry, your Friends do wonder'. Sir, the Thames being fo near, wherein you may drown, (o handfomly 5 or London-Bridge, at a low Fall, with a fine Leap to hurry you down the Stream ; or fuch a deh'cate Steeple in the Town, ^s Bow, to Vault from; or, a braver height, zs Pauls ^ or, if you afFeded to do it nearer home, and a fhorter-way, an excellent Gariet-window into the Street i or, a f //!//T/ *'"* Beam, in the faid Garret, with this Halter, which they have fent, and de- flre, that you would fooner commit your Grave Head to this Knot, than to the Wedlock Noofe, or, take a little Sublimate, and go out of the World, like a Ratj or, a Fly (as one faid) with a Straw i' your Arfe :. Any way, rather than to follow this goblin Matrimony. Aias» Sir, do you ever think to find a chafte Wife, in thefe T'he Silent Woman. tp thefe times ? Now \ When there are fo many Maf- qiies, Plays, Puritan Parlees, mad Folks, and other ftrange Sights to be feen, daily private and publick \ if you hadHv*d in King Ethelred's time, Sir, ov Ed' ward the Confeflbr's, you might, perhaps, have found in Tome cold Country Hamlet, then, a dull frofty Wench, would have been contented with one Man : Now, they will as foon be pleas'd with one Leg, or one Eye. I'll tell you, Sir, the monftrous hazards you fhall run with a Wife. Mor. Good Sir! have I ever cozen*d any Friends of yours of their Land ? bought their PofTeffions ? taken forfeit of their Mortgage 1 beg'd a Reverfion from 'em ? baftarded their llTue \ what have 1 doolie, that may deferve this? Tru. Nothing, Sir, that I know, but your Itch of Marriage. Mor. Why? if I had made an afTafllnate upon your Father \ vitiated your Mother : raviftied your Sifters... Tru. I would kill you. Sir, I would kill you, if you had. Mor, Why? you do more in this. Sir: it were a vengeance centuple, for all facinorous A£ts, that could be nam'd, to do that you do— — — Trti, Alas, Sir, I am but a Meflenger : I but tell yqu, what you muft: hear. It feems, your Friends aire careful after your Souls Health, Sir, and would have you know the Danger (but you may do your Plleafure for all them ; 1 perfuaJe not. Sir) if, after y.ou are married, your Wife do run away with a Vaulter, or the Frenchman that walks upon Ropes, or him that dances the Jig, or a Fencer, for his skill at his Weapon ; why it is not their Fault, they have dif- charged their Confciencesj when you know what may happen. Nay, fufFer valiantly. Sir, for I mufl tell you, all the Perils that you are obnoxious to. If fhe be fair, young and vegetous, no Sweet-meats ever drew more Flies j all the yellow Doublets, and great Rofes i* the Town will b« there. If foul and crooked, IheMI br zo EPICOENE: Or, be with them, and buy ihofe Doublets and Rofes, Sfr. If rich, nnd that you marry her Dowry, net berj. /he'll raign in your Houfe, as imperious as a W»dow. If noble, all her kindred will be your Tyrants. If fruitful, as proud as May, and humorous as Aprils fhe mufl have her Doftors, her Mid wives, her Nurfes, her Lodgings every hour : though it be for the Jeareft Marfel of Nfan. If learned, there was never fuch a Parrat; all your Patrimony will be too little for the Guefts that muft be invited, to hear her fpeak Latin and Greek : nnl yo-a mvft lye v>^ith her in thofe Lnnou.-^ges too, if you will pleafeher. If piecife, you muft feaft all the filenc'd Brethren, once in three days; faiuteihc Sifters; entertain the whole Family, or Wood of 'em ; and hear long winded Exercifes, Singings and Cate- chifings, which you are not given to, and yet muft give for; to pleafe the zealous Matron your \5rife, who, for the holy Caufe, will cozen you over and a- bove. You begin to fweat. Sir, But this U not half i' faith: you may do your pleafure notwithftandlng, as I faid before, I come not to perfwade you: Upon my faith. Mailer Serving-man, if you do ftir, I will beac you* [The Mute isjleal'mg away} Mor. O, what is my Sin ! what is my Sin \ Tru. Then, if you love your >57ife, or rather dote on her. Sir: O, how fhe'll torture you ! and take plea- fure i* your Torments '. You fhall lye with her but when fhe lifts; fhe will not hurt her Beauty, her Com- plexion; or it muft be for that Jewel, or that Pearl when fhe does; every half hours Pleafure muft be bought anew, and with the fame pain and charge you. woo'd her at firft. Then you muft keep what Servants fhe pleafe; What Company fhe will ; that Friend muft not vifityou without her Licenfe ; and him fhe loves moft, fhe will feem to hate eagetlieft, to decline your Jealoufie J or, faign to be jealous of you firft; and for that caufe go live with her fhe-friend, or Coufin at the College, that can inftruft her in all the Myfteriesof writing Letters, corrupting Servants, taming Spies; where 72'^ Silent Woman. li where fhe muft have that rich Gown for fuch a great Day i a new one for the next j a richer for the third; be ferv'd' in Silver j have the Chamber fill'd with a Succedion of Grooms, Footmen, Ufhers, and other Meflengersj belides Embroiderers, Jewellers, Tire- women, Semfters, Feather-men, Perfumers j while (he feels not how the Land drops awayj nor the Acres melt; nor forefees the Change, when the Mercer your Woods for her Velvets j never weighs what her Pride cofts. Sir : fo fhe may kifs a Page, or a fmooth Chin, that has the defpair of a Beard j be a Statefwoman, know all the ^fews, what was done at Salisbury.whSit at the Bath, what a Court, what in Progrefs ; or, fo fhe may cenfure Poets, and Authors, and Stiles, and compare 'em, Daniel with Spencer, John[on with the t'other Youth, and fo forth j or be thought cunning in Controverfies, or the very Knots of Divinity ; and have often in her Mouth, the flate of the Queftion : and then skip to the Mathernaticks, and Demonftratioa and Anfwer, in Religion to oncj in State to another 5 in Baud'ry to a Third. Mor, O, O ! Tra. All this is very true Sir. And then her going in difguife to that Conjurer, and this cunning Wo- man : where the fiifl queflion is, how foon you fhall dy? next, ff her prefent Servant love her ? next, that if (he (hall have a new Servant ? and how many \ which of her Family would make the beft Baud, Male or Female ? what precedence (he (hall have by her next Match? and fets down the Anfwers, andbeh'eves *em above the Scriptures. Nay, perhaps (he'll ftudy fhe Art. Mor. Gentle Sir, ha' you done ? ha* you had your Pleafure o* me ? I'll think of thefe thing?;. Tru. Yes Sir: and then comes reeking home of Va- pour and Sweat, with going a Foot, and lies in a Mouth of a new Face, and Oyl, and Birdlime; and rifes in AfTes Milk, and is cleans'd with a rievf fucus : God b' w' you. Sir. One thing more (which 1 had almoft forgot.) This too, with whom you arc to marry, may 2Z EPICOENE: Or, may have made a Conveyance of her Virginity afore- hand, as your wife Widows do of their States, before they marry, in truft to fome Friend, Sir: who can tell ? or if flie have not done it yet, Ihe may do, up on the Wedding-day, or the Night before, and anti- date you Cuckold. The like has been heard of in. Nature* *Tis no deyis'd impoflible thing. Sir. God b' w* you ! ril be bold to leave this Rope with you. Sir, for a remembrance. Farewel Mute, Mor, Come, ha' me to my Chamber : but „ flrft fhut the Door. O, fhut the Door : Is he ^]^',;r. come again ? Cut, Tis I, Sir, your Barber. AJor. O Cutberd, Cutberd, Cutberd! here has been a Cut-throat with me: help me in to my Bed and give me Phyfick with thy Counfel, SCENE III. Daw, CUr'ment, DAUph'me, Epkoene, "Daw. Nay, an' fhe will, let her rcfufe at her own charges : *tis nothing to me. Gentlemen. But fhe will not be invited to the like Feafts or Guefts every Cle. O, by no means, Ihe may not re- Theydif' fufc — to flay at home, if you love your fwadeher Reputation: 'Slight, you are invited. thi- privatelj, ^^^^ ^, purpofe to be feen, and laught at by the Lady of the College, and her Sha- dows. This Trumpeter hath proclaimed you. Dau. You fhall not goj let him be laught at in your jdead, for not bringing you: and put him to his extem- poral faculty of fooling, and talking loud toj/atisfy the Cie, He will fufped us, talk aloud. 'Pray Miftrefs Epiccene, let's fee your Verfes, we have Sir John Daw's leave : do not conceal your Servants Merit, and your own Glories. Epi. They'll prove my Servants Glories, if you have hU leave fo foon, Da^ Tie Si LENt Woman; ij Dau. His vain Glories, Lady ! Daw. Shew 'em, fhew 'em, Miftris, I dareown*cm; Epi. Judj^e youjwhai Glories t Daw. Nay, I'll read 'em my felf, too : an Author muft recite his own Works. It is a madrigal of Mq« defty. Modejly and fair, for fair and good are netr Neighbour i, how ere. '■ Dau. Very good. Gler. I, is't not I Daw, No noble vertue ever was alone, But two in one, Dau. Excellent! Cle. That again, I pray Sir John, Dau. It has fomcthing in't like rare Wit and Senfe. Cle. Peace. Daw, No noble Vertue ever was alcne. But tivo in one. Then, when I praife fweet mode/iy, Ipraife Bright Beauties Rais : And having praised both Beauty and Modejiee, I have prais'd thee. Dau. Admirable! Cle. How it chimes, and crys think i' the clofe, di- vinely! Dau. 1, 'tis Seneca. Cle. No, I think 'tis Plutarch. Daw. The Dor on Plutarch and Seneca, I hate it : they are mine own Imaginations, by that light. I ,vonder thofe Fellows have fuch credit with Gentle- men ! Cle. They are very grave Authors. Daw. Grave Afles ! meer EJfayiJis ! a few loof e S6n- t^nces, and that's all. A Man would talk fo, his whole Age J I do utter as good things every Hour, if they were co Icfted and obferv'd, as either of *em. Dau. Indeed! Sir John? Cle. He muft needs, living among the Wits and Bra^ verles too. Dau, H EPICOENE:0r, Dau. I, and bring Prefident of 'em, as he isl Daw. There's Arijlotle, a meer Common-place Fel- low j Plato, a difcourf^rj Thucydides, and Lhie, ted- ousanddryj T^fi///;, an entire knot : foraetimes worth the untying, very feldom. Cle. What do you thinkof the Poets, Sir John t . I>aw. Not worthy to be nam'd for Authors. HO' tner, a«n old tedious prolix Afs, talks of Curriers, and Chines of Beef. Virgil, of Dunging of Land, and Bets. Horace, of I know not what. , Cte. I think fo. Daw, And fo PJndarus, Lycophron, jinacreon, Ca- tullus, Seneca the Tragocdian, Lucan, Propertius, Ti- hullusy Martial, Juvenal, Aufonius, Statius, PoUtian, Valerius Flaccus, and the reft — Cle. What a Sack full of their names he has got! Dau.Ar.dhow he pours 'emoutl Folitian,mthVale' rim Flaccus/ Cle. Was not the Charafter right 'of him 5 JDau. As could be made, i' faith. Daw. And Per/ius, a crabbed Cockfcom, not to be endur'd. t Dau. Why ? whom do you account for Authors, Sir John Daw ? Daw- Syntagma Juris civilis. Corpus Juris civilis. Corpus Juris canonici, the King of Spain's Bible. Dau. Is the King of Spain's Bible an Author! Cle. Yes, ^nd Syntagma. ■ Dau. What was that Syntagma, Sir > Daiv. A civil Lawyer, a Spaniard. Dau. Sure, Corpus was a Dutch man, Cle. I, both the Corpujfes, I knew *em : they were very corpulent Authors. Daw. And, then there's Vatahlus, Pomponatius, Sytr.ancha-, the o-ther arcnot to be receiv'd, within the thought of a SchoJler. Daw. 'Fore God, you have a fimple learn'd Ser- vant, Lady, in Titles. Cle. I wonder that he \s not called to the Helm, and made a Counfellor! Dau. He h one extraordinary. CU h 2j&tf Silent Woman. if Cle, Nay, but in ordinary I to fay truth, the State wants fuch. Dau, Why, that will follow. Cle. 1 mufe a Mifticfs can be fo filent to the dotes of fuch a Servant. Daw. 'Tis her Vertue, Sir. I have written fomc- what oF her filence too. Dau, InVerfe, Sir John? Cle. Whatelfe? • Dau. Why > how can you juftifie your own being of a Poet, that fo flight all the old Poets ? Daw. Why, every Man that writes in Verfe, is not a Poer, you have of the Wits that write Verfesj an4 "yet arc no Poets : They are Poets that live by it, the poor Fellows that live by it. Dau, Why, would not you live by your Verfef," Sir John ? Cle. No, 'twere pity he fhould. A Knight live by his Verfes! He did not make *cm to that end, X hope; Dau. And yet the Noble Sidney lives by his, and the Noble Family not afham'd; Cle. I, he profeft himfelfj but Sir John Daw ha« more Caution : He'll not hinder his own rifing i' the State fo much I Do you think he will ? Your Verfe«, good Sir John, are no Poems. Daw. Silence in Woman, is like Speech in Man j Deny't who can, Dau. Not I, believe it : your Reafon, Sir. Daw. Nor is*t a Tale, That Female Vtcejliould be a Vertue Male, Or Mafculine Vice a Female Vertue be : You Jh all it fee Trov'd with increafe^ I know to [peak, and fie t$ hold her Peace, Do you conceive me. Gentlemen > Dau, No, faith j how mean you with increafe. Sir John ? Dau. Why, with increafe is, when I court her for the Common Caufe of Mankind, and fhe fays no- thing but conjentire videtur-, and in time is gravida. B Dau. 16 E P I C OE N E : 0;-, Bau. Then this is a Ballad of Procreation > Cle. A Madrigal of Procreation j you miftake* Ep, Tray give me my Verfes again. Servant. Daw, If you'll ask 'em aloud, you Ihall, jOlg, See, hjere*5 True-wif again. SCENE IV. eknmcnt, True-wit, Bauphine, Cuthrd, Daw, Epicoene; , Cie. Where haft thou been, in the name of Mad- jiefs ! thus accoutred with thy Horn > Tru. Where the Sound of it might have pierc'd your Senfcs with Gladnefs, had you been in Ear-reach of it. Dauphine, fall down and worfhip mc; I have forbid the Banes, Lad : 1 have been with thy vertuous Un- cle, and have broke the Match. Dau, You ha' not, 1 hope. Tru, Yes, faith j an' thou fhould'ft hope otherwife, 1 flwuld repent me : This Horn got mc Entrance j kifs it. I had no other way to get in, but by feigning to be a Poil 5 but when I got in once, J prov'd none, but rather the contrary, turn'd him into a Poft, oi a Stone, or what is ftiffer, with thundring into him the Incommodities of a Wife, and the Miferies of Mar- riage. If ever Gorgon were feen in the (hape of a Wo- man, he hath feen her in my Defcription. 1 have put him off o' that Scent for ever. Why do you not ap- plaud and adore me. Sirs? Why ftand you route > Arc youflupid? You are not worthy o* the Benefit. Dau. Did not I tell you? MKchief. cle. I would you had plac'd this Benefit fomewherc cTfe. Tr;t, WhyfoJ Cle. 'Slignt, you have done the moft inconfideratc, rafli, weak thing that ever Man did to his Friend. Dau. Friend ! If the moft malicious Enemy I have, had ftudied to infli^ an Injury upon me, it could not bs a greater. Tru, Tie Silent Wom'an. tj Tru. Wherein, for Gods-fake > Gentlemen, come to your felves again. Dau, Bm 1 prefagM thus much afore to you, Cle. Would my Lips had been foldcr'd when I fpake on't. 'Slight, what mov'd you to be thus im* pertinent? Tru, My Matters do not put on this ftrtnge Tacc to pay my Courtefic: off with this Vizor. Have good Turns done you, and thank 'em this way > Datt^ 'Fore Hcav'n, you have undone me. That which I have plotted for, and been matwring now thefe four Months, you have blafted in a Minute : Now I am loft, I may fpeak. This Gentlewoman was lodg'd here by me o* purpofe, and, to be put upon my Uncle, hath profeft this obftiijate Silence for my fake, being my entire Friend, and 6ne that for the Requital of fuch a Fortune as to marry him, would have made me very ample Conditions 5 where now, all my Hopes are utterly mifcarried by this unlucky Accident. C/#. Thus 'lis, when a Man will be ignorantly offi- cious, do Services, and not know his Wny : I wonder what courteous Itch poffeft you ! You never did abfur- der Part i' your Life, nor a greater Trefpafs to Friend- fhip or Humanity. Dau. Faith you may forgive it beftj *twa$ your Caufe principally. Cle. 1 know it, would it had not. Dau. How now Cutberd? what News ? Cut, Thebeft, the happieft that ever was. Sir. There has been a mad Gentleman with your Uncle this Morning, (I think this be the Gentleman) that has al- moft talk'd him out of his Wits, with threatning him from Marriage' Dau. On, I pr'y thee. Cut. And your Uncle, Sir, he thinks 'twas done by your Procurement 5 therefore he will fee the Party you wot of prefentlyi and if he like her, he fays, and that (he be fo inclining to dumb, as 1 have told him, he fwears he will marry her to day, inftanity, and not defer it a Minute longer. ^ a Dau, iS E P I C OE N E: Or^ Dau. Excellent! beyond our expcftation 1 Trft. Beyond our expedation ! By this Light, I knew it would be thus. JDau, Nay, fweet True-wit, forgive me. Tru. No, I was ignorantly officious, impertinent^; this was the abfurd, weak Part. Cle. Wilt thou afcribe that to Merit now, was meer Fortune ? True. Fortune ! meer Providence. Fortune had not a Finger in*t. 1 faw it mufl neceffarily in Nature fall out Co : My Genius is never falfe to me in thefe things. Shew me how it could be other wife. Bau, Nay, Gentlemen, contend not, *tis well now. Tru, Alas, I let him go on with inconfiderate, and rafh, and what he pleas'd. Cle, Away, thou flrange Juflifier of thy felf, to be wifer than thou wert, bytheEvertt. Tru, Event ! By this Light, thou fiialt never perfuade me, but I forefaw it, as well as the Stars themfelves. Dau. Nay, Gentlemen, 'tis well now : Do you two entertain Sir John Daw with Difcourfe, while I fend her away with Inftruftions. Tru, I'll be acquainted with her firfl, by your Fa- vour. Cle. Mafter True-wit, Lady, a Friend of ours. Tru. lam forry I have not known you fooner, Lady, to celebrate this rare Vertue of your Silence. Cle. Faith, an' yoii had come fooner, you fhould ha' feen and heard her well celebrated inS'iY^ohn Daw's Madiiguls, Tru. Jack Daw, God fave youj when faw you Z4- JPoole ? - Daw. Not fince lafl Night, Mafter True-wit. Tru. That's a Miracle ! I thought you had been in* fc parable. Daw. He's gone to invice hisGuefts. Tru. God fo ! 'tis true, What a falfe Memory have I towarc's that Man! I am one : I met him ev'n now, .Upon^th.it he calls his delicate fine black Horfe, rid into a Foam, 'The Silent Wo m a n. ^9 al^oam, with poftli^gfrom place to place, and Peifon to Perfon, to give 'em the Cue- Cle. Left they fhould forget I Tru. Yes : There was never poor Captain took more pains at a Mufter to (hew Men, than he, at this Meal, to fhew Friends. Daw. It is his Qiiarter-Feaft, Sir. Cle. What ? do you fay fo. Sir ^ohn? Tru. Nay, '^ack Daw will- not be out, at the beft Friends he has, to the Talent of his Wit : Where's his Miftrefs, to hear and applaud him ? Is fhe gone ? Daw, Is Miftrefs Epkoene gone ? Cle. Gone afore ! with Sir Dauphine, I warrant, to the Place. Tru. Gone afore ! That were a manifeft Injury, a Difgrace and a half; to refufe him at fuch a Feftival- time as this, being a Bravery, and a Wit too. Cle. Tut, he'll fwallow it like Cream : He's better read in Jure Civili, than to efteem any thing a Dif- grace, is ofFer'd him from a Miftrefs. Daw. Nay, let her e*en goj fhe fhall fit alone, and be dumb in her Chamber a Week together, for John DaWy I warrant her : Does ftie refufe me. Cle. No, Sir, do not take it fo to heart : (he does not refufe you, but a little negleft you. Good faith, True-wit, you were to blame to put it into his Head, that fhe does refufe him. Tru, Sir, fhe does refufe him palpably, however you mince ir. An* I were as he, I would fwcar to fpcaK ne'er a word to her to day for't. Daw. By this Light, no more I will not. Tru. Not to any body elfe. Sir. Daw. Nay, I will not fay fo, Gentlemen. Cle. It had been an excellent happy Condition for the Company, if you could have drawn him to it. Daw. I'll be very melancholick, i' faith. Cle. As a Dog, if I were as y6u, Sir^*'^;?. Tru. Or a Snail, or a Hogjloufe : I would roll my (elf up for this day in troth, they ftiould not unwind me. B i Dam. JO E P I C OE N E : Ory Baw. By this Pick-tooth, fo I will. Cle. *Tis well done : He begins already to be angry with his Teeth. Daw, Will you go, Gentlemen? Cle. Nay, you muft walk alone, if you be right me- lancholick. Sir John, Tru, Yes, Sir, we'll dog you, we'll follow you afat Cle. Was there ever fuch a two Yards of Knight- hood meafur'd out by Time, to be fold to Laughter ? Tru. A meer talking Mole I hang him : No Mufh- room was ever fo frefh. A Fellow fo utterly nothing, as he knows not what he would be. Cle. Let's follow him : but Hrft, let's go to DaU' fhine^ he's hovering about the Houfc, to hear what News. Tru, Content. SCENE V. Morofcy Epicaene, Cutherd, Mute, Mor. Welccma C«;^^ri J draw n 83 r with your (%\t Charge : and in her Ear, foftly intreat her to unmask ( ) So. IstheDoorfhut ? ( — ) Enough. Now, Cutberdj with the fame Difcipline I ufe to my Family, I will queftion you. As 1 conceive, Cutberdy this Gen- tlewoman is (he you have provided, and brought, in hope fhe will fit me in the Place and Perfon of a Wife > Anfwer me not but with yoar Leg, unlefs it be other- wife : ( ) Very well done, Cutberd. I conceive befides, Cutberd, you have been pre-acquainted with her Birth, Education, and Qualities, or elfeyou would not prefer her to ray Acceptance, in. the weighty Con- fequence of Marriage. ( ) This I conceive. Cut- herd. Anfwer me not but with your Leg, unlefs it be otherwife. ( ) Very well done, //# ^oM Ab»Ht c«/^«r^. Give afide now a little, and leave ^r, 4nd vftws ^^ ^^ examine her Condition, and Ap- titude to my AfFeftion. She is exceed- ing fair, and of a fpecial go©d Favour j a fweet Com- pofiuon^ fhe Silent Woman. ji ^ofitlon, or Harmony of Limbs j her temper of Beau- ty has the true height of my Blood. The Knave hath exceedingly well fitted me without : I will now try her within. Come near, fair Gentlewoman j let not my Behaviour feem rude, though She eurijies. unto you, being rare, it may haply ap- pear ftrange. ( — ) Nay, Lady, you may fpealr, though Cutherd and my Man might not ; for of all Sounds, only the fweet Voice of a fair Lady has the iuft length of mine Ears. I befeech you, fav Ladv, out of the fJrft fire of meeting Eyes (they fay) Love \% flricken : Do you feel any fuch Motion fud- denly fhot into you, from any Part you fee in Curttfi me? ha. Lady? ( ) Alas, Lady, thefeAn- fwers by filent Curtfies from, are too courlefs an/. 1 ihould be forry elfe. Mor. That Sorrow doth fill me with Gladnefs, O lAorofe! thou art happy above Mankind! Pray that thou maift contain thy felf. I will only put her to it once more, and it fhall be with the utmoft Touch and Teft of their Sex. But hear me, fair Lady j I do alfo love to fee her whom I (hall chufe for my Heifer, to be the fitft and principal in all Fafhions, precede all the Barnes at Court by a Portnight, have her Council of Taylors, Lineners, Lace-women, Embroiderers, and iit with 'em fometimes twice aday upon Trench Intel- Jrgences, and then come forth varied like Nature, or oftner than fhe, and better, by the help of Art, her €mulous Servant. This do I affed 5 and how will you be able. Lady, with this frugality of Speech, to give the manifold (but necefTary) Inftruftions, for that Bo- dice, thefe Sleeves, thofe Skirts, this Cut, that Stitch, this Embroidery, that Lace, this Wyre, thofe Knots, ihat Ruff, thofe Rofes, this Girdle, that Fan, the t'other Scarf, thefe Gloves ? Ha ! what fay you. Lady \ Eft. I'll leave it to you, Sir. Mor, How, Lady ? pray you rife a Note* Epi, I leave it to Wifdom, and you. Sir. Mor. Admirable Creature ! I will trouble you no more : I will not fin againft fo fweet a Simplicity. Let me now be bold to print on thofe divine Lips the Seal of being mine. Cutberd, I give thee the Leafe of thy Houfe free j thank me not, but with thy Leg. ( ) I know what thou would'fl: fay, lhe*s poor, and her Friends The Silent Wo man. j j Friends deceafedj fhe has brought a wealthy Dowry in her Silence, Cutberd\ and m refpedt of her Poverty, Cutberd. I fhall have hermore loving and obedient, Cutberd. Go thy ways, and get me a Minifter prefent- ly, with a foft low Voice, to marry usj and pray him he will not be impertinent, but brief as he canj away : foftly, Cutberd. Sirrah, condud your Miftrefs into the Dining-room, your now Miftrefs. O my Felicity! How fhall I be reveng'd on mine infolent Kinfman, and his Plots, to fright me from marrying! This Night I will get an Heir, and thruft him out of my Blood, like a Stranger. He would be knighted^ forfooth, and thought by that means to reign over me, his Title muft do it : No, Kinfman, I will now make you bring me the tenth Lords, and the fixteenth Ladies Letter, Kinf- man j and it fhall do you no good, Kinfman. Your Knighthood it felf fhall come on its Knees, and it fhall be rejeftedj it fhall be fued for its Fees to Execution, and not be redeem'd; it fhall cheat at the Twelv»» penny Ordinary, it Knightood for its Diet all thu Term-time, and tell Tales for it in the Vacation to th* Hoftefs J or it Knighthood fhall do v/orfe, take Sanftu- ary in Ccleharbour, and faft. It fliall fright all it Friends with borrowing Letters 5 and when one of the fourfcore hath brought it Knighthood ten Shillings, it Knighthood fhall go to the Cranes, or the Bear at the Bridge-footy and be drunk in fear 5 it fhall not have Money to difcharge one Tavern-Reckoning, to invite the old Creditorstoforbear it Knighthood, or the new, that fhould be, to trufl it Knighthood. It fhall be the tenth Name in the Bond, to take up the Commodity of Pipkins and Stone-jugs j and the part thereof fhall not furnilh it Knighthood forth for the attempting of a Bakers Widow, a Brown Bakers Widow. It fhill give it Knighthoods Name for a Stallion, to all Gamefom Citizens Wives, and be refus'd, when the Mafter of a Dancing-School, or {How do you call him) the worfl Reveller in the Town is taken: It fhall want Clothes, and by rcafon of that, Wit, to fool Lawyers. It fhall not have hope to repair it fclf by Confianti- B 5 tinofe. H E P I C OE N E : Or, 72cple, Ireland, or Virginia ; but the beft and laft for- tune to it Knighthood fhall be, to make Dol Tear-jhee^, or Kate-Common a Lady, and (o it Knighthood may cat. SCENE VI. 7rHt-wit, Dauphine, Clerimont, Cuthrd. Tru. Are you fure he is not gone by > Dau. No, I ftaid in the Shop ever fince. Cle. But he may take the other end of the Lane, Vau. No, I told him I would be here at this end : 1 appointed him hither. Tru, What a Barbarian it is to ftay then! Dau. Yonder he comes. Cle. And his Charge left behind him, which x$ a very good Sign, Dauphine, Dau. How now, Cutberd, fucceeds it, or no > Cut. Paft Imagination, Sir, omnia fecunda-, you could not have pray'd to have had it fo well : Saltat Jenex, as it is i* the Proverb, he does triumph in hi« Felicity, admires the Party ! He has given me theLeafe of my Houfe too! and 1 am now going for a filent >linifter to marry *em, and away. Tru. 'Slight, getone o* the filenc'dMinifters} a zealous Brother would torment him purely. Cut, Cum priviUgio, Sir. Bau. O, by no means j let's do nothing to hinder It now : When *tis done and finifh'd, 1 am for you, ior any Device oi Vexation. Cut. And that fhall be within this half hour, upon my Dexterity, Gentlemen. Contrive what you can ia the mean time, honis avibus. Cle, How the Slave doth Latin it ! Tru. It would be made a Jeft to Pofterity> Sirs, this days Mirth, if ye will. Cle. Befhrew his Heart that will not, I prononncej Hau. And for my part. What isW Tru. To tranflate all La-Tool's Company, and his Teafl thither, to day, to celebrate this Bride-ale. Dat*, 1 marry j but how will't be done J Trul ^e Silent Woman. jf Tru. ril undertake the direfting of all the Lady- gucfts thither, and then the Meat muft follow. CU. For God's fake, lct»s effea it j it will be an excellent Comedy of Affliftion, fo many feveral Noifes. Dau, But are they not at the other place already, think you "i Tru. I'll warrant you for the College-honours: one o* their Faces has not the Priming-Colour laid on yet, nor the other her Smock fleek'd. Cle. O, but they'll rife earlier than ordinary to a Feaft. Tru. Beft go fee, and aflurc our felves. Cle. Who knows the Houfe? Tru. I'll lead you j were you never there yet I Dau. Not I. Cle. Nor I. Tru. Where ha' you liv'd then > Not know Tcm Otter f Cle. No : For God's fake, what is he ? Tru. An excellent Animal, equal with your Daw or La-Fool, if not tranfcendent j and does Latin it as much as your Barber: He is his WifesSubieft, he calls her Princefs, and at fuch times as thefe follows her up and down the Houfe like a Page, with his Hat oS\ partly for Heat, partly for Reverence. At this inflant he is marfhalling of his Bull, Bear, and Horfe. Dau. What be thofe, in the Name oF Sphinx ? Tru. Why, Sir, he has been a great Man at the Bear-garden in his time -, and irom that fubtle Sport has tane the wity Denomination of his chief carow- fing Cups. One he calls his Bull, another his Bear,. another his Horfe. And then he has his leiler Glaflc , that he calls his Deer and his Ape; and feveral De- grees of them too; and never is well, nor thinks any Entertainment perfeft, till thefe be brought out, and fet o' the Cupboard. Cle. For God's LoYC I WC fbould mifs this, if we Should not go. Trtil 35 E P I C OE N E : Or, Tru, Nay, he has a thoufand things as good, that will fpeak him all day. He will rail on his Wife, with certain Common Places, behind her backj and to her Face ■ X>4«. No more of him. Let's go fee him, I Petition you. ACT III. SCENE I. Otter, Mrs. Otter, True-wit, Clerimont Dauphine. NA Y, good Princefs, hear me pauca Verba. Mrs. Ott. By that Light, I'll ha' you chain'd up, with your Bull-dogs and Bear-dogs, if you be not Civil the fooner. I'll fend you to Kennel, i* faith. You were beft bait me with your Bull, Bear and Horfe? Never a time that the Courtiers or Collegiates come to the Houfe, but you make it a Shrove-tuefday / 1 would have you get your Whit-fontide-V Qhct-Cup, and your Staff i' your Hand, to entertain 'emj yes in iroth, do. Ott. Not fo, Princefs, neither j but, under correc- tion, fweet Princefs, gi* me leave Thefe things I am known to the Courtiers by : It is reported to them for my Humour, and they receive it (o, and do expeft it. Tcm Otter's Bull, Bear, and Horfe, is known all oyer England, in rerum natura. Mrs, Ott. 'Fore me, I yj'xWna-ture 'em over to Paris- garden, and na-ture you thither too, if you pronounce 'em again. Is a Bear a fitBeaft, or a Bull, to mix in Society with great Ladies J Think i' your Difcretion, in stny good Polity. 'ott. The Horfe then, good Princefs. Mrs. Ott, Well, 1 am contented for the Horfe; they Love to be well Hors'd I know I : Love it my felf. Ott. And it is a delicate fine Horfe, this Peetarum Pegafus. Under corredion, Princefs, Jupiter did turn himfelf into a .-.^ Taurus, or Bull, under coneftion, good Princefs, Mrs, The Silent Woman. 57 Mrs. Ott. By Integrity, I'll fend you over to the Bank-fide, I'll commit you to the Matter of the Garden, if I hear but a. Syllable more. Muft my Houfe or my Roof be polluted with the fcent of Bears and Bulls, when it is perfum'd for great Ladies? Is this accor- ding to the Inftrumcnt, when I married you? That I would be Princefs, and reign in mine own Houfe $ and you would be my Subjed, and obey me? What did you bring me, fliould make you thus peremptory > X>o I allow you your Half-crown a day, to fpend where you will, among your Gamefters, to vex and torment me at fuch times as thefe ? Who gives you your Maintenance, 1 pray you ? Who allows you your Horfe-meat and Mans-meat ? Your three Sutes of Ap- parel a Year ? Your four pair of Stockins, one Silk, three Worfted ? Your clean Linncn, your Bands and Cuffs, when I can get you to wear 'em ? 'Tis mar'ie you ha' 'em on now. Who graces you with Courtiers, or great Perfonages, to fpeak to you out of their Coaches, and come home to your Houfe ? Were you ever fo much as look'd upon by a Lord or a Lady^ before I married you, but on the Eajier or Whltfon Holy-days? and then out at the Banquetting-houfe Window, when Hed Whiting or George Stone were at the Stake ? Tru. (For God's fake, let's go ftaveher ofF him.) Mrs. O/f. Anfwer me to that. And did not I take you up from thence, in an old greafie BulF-Doubler, with Points, and green Velvet Sleeves, out at the Elbows ? You forget this. Tru, (She'll worry him, if we help not in time.) Mrs. Ott. O, here are fome o' the Gallants! Go to^ behave your felf diflinftly, and with good Morah'tyj or, I proteft, I'll take away your Exhibition, S G E N E II. True-wit, Mrs. Otter, Cap. Otter, Ckrimont, Dau^ phine, Cutherd, By your leave, fair Miftrefs Otter, I'll be bold to enter thefe Gentlemen in your Acquaintance, '5« E P I C OE N E : Or, Mrs. Ott. I fhall not be obnoxious, or difficU, *Sir. Tru. How does my noble Captain \ Is the Bull, Bear, and Horfe in rerum natura ftill > ^ Ott. Sir, Sic vifum fuperis. Mrs. Ott. I woul4 you would but intimate *em, do. Co your ways in, and get Tofts and Butter made for the Woodcocks: That's a fit Province for you. Cle. Alas, what a Tyranny is this poor Fellow married to I Tru. O, but the (port will be anon, when we get him loofe. » Dau. Dares he ever fpcak "i Tru. No Anabapt'tfl ever rail'd with the like Licence ; but mark her Language in the mean time, 1 befecch you. Mrs. Ott. Gentlemen, you are very aptly come. My Coufin, Sir Amorous, will be here briefly. Tru, In good time. Lady. Was not Sir John Daw here to ask for him, and the Company ? Mrs. Ott. I cannot aflure you, Mr. True-wit. Her« was a very melancholy Knight in a Ruff, that de- manded my Subjeft for fome body, a Gentleman, I think. Cle, I, that was he. Lady. Mis. Ott. But he departed ftraight, I can rcfolvc you. Dau. What an excellent choice Phrafe this Lady cxprefTes in ! Tru. O, Sir! Ihe is the only authentical Courtier, that h not naturally bred one, in the City. Mrs. Ott. You have taken that report upon tiuft. Gentlemen. Tru. No, 1 aflure you, the Court governs £t to. Lady, in your behalf. Mrs. Ott, I am the Servant of the Court and Courtiers, Sir. Tru. They are rather your Idolaters. Mrs. Ott. Not fo. Sir. pan. How now, Cutherd? Any Crofs I 1 Ct4$ '^>v. the Silent Womak. jp Cut, O no. Sir, Omnia bene. 'Twas never better o* the Hinges, all's fure. I have fo pleas'd him with a Curate, that he's gone to't almoft with the delight be hopes for foon. J)at4. What is he for a Vicar > Cuf. One that has catch'd a Cold, Sir, and can fcarce be heard fix Inches ofFi as if he fpoke out of a Bulrufh that were not pickt, or his Throat were full of Pitch: a fine quick Fellow, and an excellent Barbec ©f Prayers. 1 came to tell you, Sir, that you might imnem mevere lapiHem (as they fay) be ready with your Vexation. Vau. Gramercy, honeft Cutberd; be thercabo*t| with thy Key to let us ifl. Cut, I will not fail you. Sir : Ad manum. Tru. Well, I'll go watch my Coaches. Cle, Do 5 and we'll fend Baw to you, if you meet him nor. Mrs. Ott, Is Mr. True-wit gone? Bau. Yes, Lady, there is fome unfortunate Bufinefs fallen out. Mrs. Ott. So I judg'd by the Phifiognomv of the Fellow that came inj and I had a Dream laft Night too of the new Pageant, and my Lady Mayorefs, which is always very ominous to me. 1 told it my Lady Haughty t'other day, when her Honour came hither to fee fome China Stuffs j and (he expounded it out of Artemidorusy and 1 have found it fince very true. It has done me many Affronts. Cle. Your Dream, Lady > Mrs. Orr. Yes, Sir, any thing 1 do but dream "o* the City. It flain'd me a Damask Table-cloth, cofl me eighteen Pound, at one timej and burnt me a black Sattcn Gown, as 1 flood by the Fire, at my Lady Ctntaure's Chamber, in the College, another time. A third time, at the Lord's Mafque, itdropt all my Wyre and my RufiF with Wax-candle, that I could not go up to the Banquet. A fourth time, as I was taking Coach to go vo Ware, to meet a Friend, it 4afh'd me a new Sute all over (a Crioifen Satten Doublet, 40 E P I C OE N E: Or, Doublet, and black Velvet Skirts) with a Brewers Horfe, that I was fain to go in and fhift me, and kept my Chamber a Leafh of Days for the anguifh of it. jyau. Thefe were dire Mifchances, Lady. Cle, I would not dwell in the City, an 'twere Co Fatal to me. Mrs. Otf, Yes, Sirj but I do take Advice of my JDodtor, to dream of it as little as I can. JDau. You do well, Miftrcfs Otter. Mrs. Ott. Will it pleafe you to enter the Houfe farther. Gentlemen > pan. And your Favour, Lady : But we ftay to fpeak with a Knight, Sir J&hn Daw, who is here come. We fhall follow you. Lady. Mrs* Off. At your own time, Sir. It is my Coufin Sir Amorous his Feaft*— - Tfau. I know it. Lady, Mrs. Ott. And mine together. But it is for his Honour, and therefore I take no Name of it, more than of the Place. Bau. You are a bounteous Kinfwoman. Mrs. Ott. Your Servant, Sir.; SCENE IIL CUrimontj Daw, La-Tooh, Bauphine, Otterl Why, do you know it. Sir John Baw ? Baw. No, I am a Rook if I do. Cle. I'll tell you then j (he's married by this time. And whereas you were put i' th' Head, that /he was gone with Sir Bauph'tne, I afTure you. Sir Bauph'me. has been the nobleft, honefteft Friend to you, that ever Gentleman of your Quality could boaft of. He has difcover'd the whole Plot, and made your Miftrefs fo acknowledging, and indeed, fo afhamed of her Injury to you, that fhe defires you to forgive her, and but grace her Wedding with your prefence to day — She is to be married to a very good Fortune, fhe fays, his Uncle old Morofe ; and Ihe will'd rac in private to " ^ tell The Silent Woman. 41 tell you, that fhe fhall be able to do you more Favours, and with more Security now than before. Daw. Did fhe fay fo, i' faith ? Cle. Why what do you think of me. Sir John! ask Sir Daiiphint, Bau. Nay, I beh'eve you. Good Sir Dauphint, did fhe defire me to forgive her > Cle, I afTure you, Sir John, fhe did. Daw. Nay then, I do with all my Heart, and Til be jovial. Cle, Yes, for look you. Sir, this was the Injury tq you. La-Foole intended thisFeaft to honour her Bridal day, and made you the Property to invite the College Ladies, and promife to bring her j and then at the time, fhe would have appeared (as his Friend) to have given you the Dor. Whereas now, Sir Dauphine has brought her to a feelinp of it, with this kind of SatisFa^ion, that you fhall bring all the Ladies to the place where fhe is, and be very jovial j and there, fhe will have a Dinner, which fhall be in your name : and fo difap- point La-Feole, to make you good again, and (as it were) a faver i* the Man. Daw. As I am a Knight, I honour her, and for- give her heartily. Cle» About it then prefently. True-wit Is gone be- fore to confront the Coaches, and to acquaint yoir with fo much, if he meet you. Join with him, and *tis well. See, here comes your Antagonifi, but take you no notice, but be very jovial, La-F, Are the Ladies come. Sir John Daw, and your Miftrefs > Sir Dauphine / you are exceeding wel- come, and honeft Mafter Clerimont. Where*s my Coufin ? did you fee no CoUegiats, Gentlemen ? Dau, 'CoUegiats ! Do you not hear. Sir Amorous, how you are abus'd \ La-F. How Sir ! Cle, Will you fpeak fo kindly to Sir John Daw, that has done you fuch an affront. La-f. Wherein, Gentlemen? let me be a Alitor to you to know, I bcfeech you I Cle, 4& EPICOENE: Or, Cle, Why Sir, his Miftrifs \t married to Day toSfr T>aHphme"h\Jnz\t,yo\it Coufin*sNeighbour,ancl he has di- verted all the LadJes, and all your Compiny thither, to fruftrate your Provifion, and ftick a Difgrace upon you. He was here, now, to have intic'd us away from you too : but we told him his own 1 think, La-F, Has Sir John Daw v/rongM me (o inhumanly? Dru. He has done it. Sir Amorous, moft malicioufly and treacheroefly : but if you^il be rul'd by us, you fiiall quit him i' faith. La-F. Good Gentlemen ! I'll make one, believe it. How I pray > Dau. Marry Sir, get me your Pheafants, and your Godwits, and your beft Meat, and difti it in Silver Difhes of your Coufln's prefently, and fay nothing, but clap me a dean Towel about you, like a Sewer j and bare-headed, march afore it with a good Confi- dence ('tis but over the Way, hard by) and we'll fe- cond you, where you (hall fet it o' the Board, and bid *em welcom to't which fhall fhow 'tis yours, and dif- grace his Preparation utterly : and for your Coufin, whereas fhe fhould be troubled here at home with care of making and giving welcome, fhe Jhall transfer all that labour thither, and be a principal Gueft her felf, fit rank'd with the College Honours, and be honour'd, and have her health drunk as often, as bare, and as loud as the beft of 'em. La-F. I'll go tell her prefently^ It ftial] be done, that's refolv'd. Cle. 1 thought he would not hear it out, but 'twould take him. Dau, Well, there be Guefts, and Meat now, how fhall we do for Mufick f Cle. The fmell of the Venifon, going thro* the Street, will invite one noife of Fidlcrs or other. Dau. I would it would call the Trumpeters thither. Cle. Faith there is hope, they have Intelligence ©fall leafts. There's good correfpondence betwixt them and the Lendojt> QqokK IJis twenty to one but be kayc *em^ DAt4, The Silent-Woman. 4J Dau. 'Twill be a moft folemn day for ray tincic, and an excellent fit of Mirth for us. Cle, I, if we can hold up the emulation betwixt loelt. and Baw, and never bring them to expoftulate. Bau. Tut, flatter 'em both (as True-wit fays) atid you may take their Underftandings in a Purfenet. They'll believe themfelves to be juft luch Men as we make 'em, neither more nor lefs. They have nothing, not the ufe of their Scnfes, but by Tradition. Cle. See ! Sir Amorous has his Towel on already.' Have you perfuaded your Coufin \ [He enters like a, Sewer. La-T. Yes, 'tis very feafible : fhe'll do any thing, fhe fays, rather than the La-Fooles fhall be difgrac'd. Dau. She is a noble Kinfwoman It will be fuch a peft'ling device. Sir Amorous \ It will pound all your Enemies Pra^ifes to Powder, and blow him up with his own mine, his own Train. La-F. Nay, we'll give Fire, I warrant you. Cle. But you muft carry it privately, without any noife, and take no notice by any means—— Ott. Gentlemen, my Princefs fays you fhall have all her Silver Difhes, fejlinate : and fhe's gone to alter her Tire a little, and go with you Cle. And your felftoo, Captain 0//^r. Dau. By any means. Sir. Ott. Yes Sir, I do mean it : but I would entreat my Coufin Sir Amorous, and you Gentlemen, to befuitori to my Princefs, that I may carry my Bull and my Bear, as well as my Horfe. Cle. That you (hall do. Captain Otter. LA'F. My Coufin will never confent. Gentlemen. Dau» She muft confent. Sir Amorous, to reafon, La-I. Why, fhe fays they are no decorum among Ladies. Ott» But they are decora, and that's better. Sir. Cle. I, (he mufl hear Argument. Did not Pajiphge, who was a Queen, love a Bull > and was not Calijie, the Mother of Areas, turn'd into a Bear, and made al Star, Miflrifs Urfula, V the Heavens > 44 EPICOENErOf, Ott. O God! that I could ha* faid as much! I will have thefe Stories painted i' the Bear-garden, exOvid'w Metamorphofi. Dan. Where is your Princefs, Captain? pray' be our Leader. Ott. That I fhall. Sir. Ch, Make hafte, good Sir Amorous. S C E N E IV. Idorofty EpcacnCy Parfon, Cutherd, Mor. Sir, there's an Angel for your felf, and a brace of Angels for your Cold. Mufe not at this manage of my Bounty. It is fit we Ihould thank Fortune, double to Nature, for any benefit fhe confers upon us j be- fides, it is your Imperfeftion, but my Solace. [The Perfin /peaks has having a Cold» Par. I thank your WorChip ; fo it is mine, now. Mor, What fays he, Cutherd? Cut. He fays, prAfto, Sir, whenfoever your Wor- fliip needs him, he can be ready with the like. He got this Cold with fitting up late, and finging Catches with Cloth-workers. Mor, No more, I thank him. Par, God keep your Worfhip, and give you much Joy with your ftir Spoufc. (Umph, umph.) [He coughs, Mor. O, O, ftay Cutler d\ let him give me Five Shillings of my Money back. As it is bounty to re- ward Benefits, fo it is equity tomuld Injuries. I will have it. What fays he > Cut, He cannot change it, Sir. Mor. It muft be chang'd. Cut. Cough again. Mor. What fays he \ Cut. He will cough* out the reft. Sir. Par. (Umph, umph, umph.) {Agam. Mor. Away, away with him> ftop his Mouth, away, 1 forgive it— ^ Epl ^,6^ Silent Woman. 4f Epi Fyc, Mafter Morofe, that you will ufe this vio- lence to a Man of the Church. Mor. How l Epi. It does not become your Gravity, or Breeding (as you pretend in Court) to have offcr'd this outrage on a Water-man, or any more boiftroui Cr^ature,^ much lefs on a Man of his civil Coat. Mor. You can fpeak then \ Epi. Yes, Sir. Mor. Speak out I mean. Epi. I, Sir, Why, did you think you had married a Statue? or a Motion only ? one of the Fr«r7f^ Puppets, with the Eyes turn'd with a Wire > or fome Innocent out of the Hofpital, that would (land with her Hands thus, and a Plaife-mouth, and look upon you, Mor. O Immodefty ! a manifeft Woman ! what Cutherd. Epi. Nay, never quarrel with Cutherd, Sir, it is too late now. 1 confefs it doth bate fomewhat of the Mo- defty 1 had, when I writ (imply Maid , but I hope I fhall make it a Stock dill competent to the Eftatc and Dignity of your Wife. Mor. She can talk ! Epi. Yes indeed. Sir. Mor. What, Sirrah, None of my Knaves, there > where is this Impoftor, Cutberd ? Epi. Speak to him, fellow, (peak to him. I'll have none of this coaded, unnatural dumbnefsin my Houfcj in a Family where I govern. Mor. She is my Regent already ! I have married a Penthefilea, a Semiramis, fold my Liberty to a Diftaff. S G E N E V. True-witt . Morofe, Epiccenel Tru. Where's Mafter Morofe > . Mor, Is he come again! Lord have mercy upon me; Tru. I wifh you all joy, Miftrefs Epiccene, with your grave and honourable Match. Epi. I return you the thanks, Mafter True-wit, Co friendly a wifh deferyes. Mor, I 46 EPICOENE.- Or, Mer. She has Acquaintance too! Tru. God fave you. Sir, and give you ail content- ment in your fair Choice, here. Before I was the Uird of Night to you, the Owl j but now I am the Meffenger of Peace, a Dove, and bring you the glad wifhes of many Fnends to the celebecation of this good Hour. Mor, What Hour, Sir > Tru>, Your marriage Hour, Sir. I commend your Refolution, that (notwitftanding all the dangers 1 laid afore you, in the Voice of a Nightcrow) would yet go on, and be your felf. It fhews you are a Man conftanc to your own Ends, and upright to your Purpofes, that would not be put off with Left-handed Cries. Mor, How mould you arrive at the Knowledge of fo much ! Tru, Why, did you ever hope. Sir, committing the fecrecy of it to a Barber, that lefs than the whole Town fhould know it > you might as well ha' told it the Conduit, or the Bake-houfe, or the Infant'ry that follow the Court, and with more fecurity. Could your Gravity fo old and noted a Remnant, as, lifpis v ton- for'thus notum f Well Sir, forgive it your felf now, the Pault, and be communicable with your Friends. Here will be three or four fiifhionable Ladies from the Col- lege to vifit you prefently, and their Train of Minions and Followers. Mor. Bar my Ddors ! bar my Doors ! where are all my Eaters \ my Mouths now s bar up my Doors, you Varlets. Efu He is a Varlet that ftirs to fuch an office. Let *em ftand open. I would fee him that dares move his Eyes toward it. Shall I have a barricado made againfl my Friends, to be barr*d of any Pleafurc they can bring in to me with honourable Vifitation \ Mor, O Amax,onian impudence ! Tru. Nay faith, in this. Sir, ftie fpeaks but reafon : and me-thinks is more continent than you. Would you go to Bed fo prefently. Sir, afore Noon ? a Man of your Head and Hair, Ihould owe more to that Reve" rend The Silent Woman. 47 rend Ceremony, and not mount the Marriage-bed, like a Town-bull, or a Mountain-goat j but ftay the due Seafon j and afcend it then with Reh'gion and Fear. Thofe delights arc to be fteep'd in the Humour, and filence of the Night? and give the da/ te other open Plcafures, and Jollities of Feafting, of Mufick, of Re- vels, of Difcourfe : we'll have all. Sir, that may make your Hymen high and happy. Mor. O, my torment, my torment ! Tru. Nay, if you indure the firft half Hour, Sir, fo tedioufly, and with this irkfomenefsj what comfort, or hope, can this fair Gentlewoman make to her felf hereafter, in the confideration of fo many Years at are to come • Mor. Of my Affliftion. Good Sir, depart, and let iier do it alone. Tru. I have done, Sir,^ Mcr. That curfed Barber ! Tru. (Yes faith, a curfed Wretch indeed. Sir.) Mor. I have married hit Cittern, that's common t^ 2\\ Men. Some Plague, above the Plague Tru. CM\ j^gypt's ten Plagues) Mor. Revenge me on him. Tru. *Tis very well. Sir. If you laid on a Curfe or two more I'll aiTure you he'll bear 'era. As, that he may get the Pox with feeking to cure it. Sir? Or, that while he is curling another Man's Hair, his own may drop off? Or, for burning feme Male-bawds Lock, he may have his Brain beat out with the Curling-iron ? Mor. No, let the Wretch live wretched. May he get the Itch, and his Shop fo loufie, as i}0 Man dare come at him, nor he come at no Man. Tru. (I, and if he would fwallow all his Balls foj Pills, let not them purge him.^ M*r, Let his Warming-pan be ever cold. Tru. (A perpetual Froft underneath it. Sir.) Mor. Let him never hope to fee Fire again. Tru. (But in Hell, Sir.) Mor. His Chairs be always empty, his ScifTars ruft, and his Combs mould in their Cafes. Tru* 48 E P I C OE N E : Or, Tru, Very dreadful that ! (And may he lofe the In- vention, Sir, of carving Lanterns in Paper.^ Mor. Let there be no Bawd Carted that Year, to em- ploy a Bafon of his: but let him be glad to cat his Sponge for Bread, Tru. And drink Uttum to it, and much good do him. Mor. Or for want of Bread Tru, Eat Ear-wax, Sir, I'll help you. Or, draw his own Teeth, and add them to the Lute-ftring. Mor, No, beat the old ones to Powder, and make Tread of them. Tru, ('Yes, make, make Meal o* the Mill-flone».^ . Mor. May ail the Botches and Burns that he has cur 'd on others, break out upoa him. Tru. And he now forget the Cure of 'em in himfelf. Sir j or, if he do remember it, let him ha' fcrap'd all his Linnen into a Lint for't, and have not a Rag left him to fet up with. Mor, Let him never fet up again, but have the Gout in his Hands for ever. Now, no more. Sir. Tru, O that lad was too high {tx. ! you might go lefs with him i'faith, and be reveng'd enough : as, that he be never able to New-paint his Pole Af^r. Good Sir, no more. I forget my felf. Tru. Or, want acdit to take up with a Comb-ma- ker Mer. No more. Sir. Tru, Or, having broken his Glafs \n a former de- fpair, fall now into a much greater, of ever getting a- nother— — Mor. I befeech you, no more. Tru. Or, that he never be trufted with triming of any but Chimney-Sweepers . Mor, Sir — — Tru, Or, may he cut a Colh'ers Throat with his Rafor, by Chance-medU'j, and be hang'd for't. ^ Mor. 1 will forgive him, rather than hear anymore. I befeech you, S^. SCENE The S I L E N T W M A M, 4^ SCENE VI. Daiv, Morofey True-wit , Haughty , Centaure, Mavts, Trufiy, Daw. This way. Madam. Mor. O, the Sea breaks in upon me! another Flocd ! «n Inundation I I ftiall be o'erwhelm'd with noffe. it beats already at my Shores. 1 feel an Earthquake in my felf for'r. Daw. 'Give you joy, M ftris. A^cr. Has fhe Servants tool Daw. I have brought fome Ladies here to fee and know you. My "Lidy Haugh' She k>fet them ty, this mv Lady Centaure, Milbis Dol fveraUyashe Mavis, Miftris Trujiy my Lady Haugh- r'/'«^' ^A*'". ty^i Woman. Where's your Husband ? let's fee him : can he endure no noife J let me come t3 him. Mor. Whzt nomenclator \s \.\\h\ Tru. Sir John Daw, Sir, your Wives Servant, thijf, Mor. A Daw, and her Servant! O, 'tis decreed, 'tig decreed of rae, an* fhe have i'uch Servants. Tru. Nay, Sir, you muft kifs the Ladies, you muft not go away, now , they come toward you to feete you out, Hau, V faith, Mafter Morofe, would you fteal a Mjt- riage thus, in the midft of fo mmy FrienJs, .md not acquaint us? Well, I'll kifs you, notwithftanding tlie juftice of my Quarrel: you (hill give me leave, Mi- ftris, to ufe a becoming familiarity with your Huf- band. Epi.Yom LadyQiip do's me an honour in ir, ro let me know he is fo worthy your Favour : as, you have done both him and me Grace, to vifit io unprej)arj a pair to entertain you. Mor. Complcmem ! Complement ! Epi. But I muft lay the burden of that upon my Ssr- yani here. Hau JO EPICOENE: Or, Hau. It fhall not need, Miftris Morofc, we will all bear, rather tlun one Ihall be oppreft. Mcr. 1 know it : and you will teach her the faculty, if fhs be to learn it. Hati. Is this the filent Woman? Cen. Nay, (he has found her Tojfig.ue fince fhe was married, Mafter Trm-wit fays. Hau. O, Mafter Trm-wit! Tave you. What ^3^eddmg here ; j«» Charafter of a Bride-ale : where be our Skarves and our Gloves \ I pray you, giv« 'em us. Let's know your Bride's Colours, ?ind yours ftt leaft. Cen. Alas, Mftdafti, ht has ptovided none. Mor, Had I 'kn^ownyour Ladyfhip'sPjinrer I would. Ban. He has given It you, cemaurty i* faith. But do you hear, M. Moroni, a Jeft will not abfolve you in this manner. You tlvat have fuck'd the Milk of the Court, and from thence have heen brought up to the very ftrong Meats and Wine of itj been a Courtier from the Biggen to the Nighr-cap: (as we may fay) and you to o^end in fuch a high Point of Ceremony as this ! tn^ let yotir Nuptials want all Marks of So- lemnity ! How much Plate have you loft to d^y (if you had but reg'arded your ProfitJ what Gifts, wh^t Friends, thro' your meer tuftitity? Mor. Madam »— — Ban. Pardon me. Sir, I muft infinuateyour Errours to y6u. No Gloves? no Garters? no Skarves? no Epithalam'ium? no Mafque ? Daw. YtSy Madam, I'll make an Epithalam'tum, I pro- mi fe my Miftrisj I have begun it already : will your Ladyfhip hear it? HAti. I, good Jack Ddw. Mcr. Will it pleafe your Ladyfliip command a Cham- ber, and be private with your Friend ? you fhall have your choice of Rooms to retire after : my whole Houfe is yours. I know it hath been your Ladyfhip's Errand, into the Citt at other times, however now you have been unhtippily diverted upon me : but I fhall be loth to break any honourable Cuflom of your Ladyfhip's. And therefore, good Madam ~— F.pi. Come, you are a rude Bridegroom, to entcrta * Lidies of Honour in this fafhion. Cm. He is a rude Groom indeed. Jru, ffi E P I C OE N E ; Or, Jru, By that light you deferve to be grafted, and have your Horns reach from one fide of the Iflandto the other. Do not miftake me. Sir, 1 but fpeak this to give the Ladies fome heart again, not for any malice to you. Mor. Is this your Bravo, Ladies > Tru, As God help me, if you uttef fuch another word, ril take Miftris Bride in, and begin to you in a ^ery fap Cup; do you fee? Go too, know your .Jiiends, and fuch as love you, i> C E N E VII. <:Urmont, fdorofe. True-wit, Dauphine, La-Took, Otter, Mlfirls Otter, Sec. Cle, By yourka^ve, Ladie?. Do you want any Mu- iick ? I have brought you variety of noifcs. Play, 'Sirs, all of you. [Mufick of Sorts. Mor. O, a Plot, a Plot, a Plot, a Plot, upon me! This day .1 fhall be their Anvile to work on, they will grate me afunder. 'Tis worfe than the noife of A Saw. Cle, No, they are Hair, Rofin, and Gut5. I can give you the Receipt. Tru, Peace, Boys. C.le. Play, 1 fay, Tru Peace, Rafcals. You fee who's your Friend now. Sir? Take courage, put on a Martyr's refoluti- on. Mock down all their attemptings with Patience. Tis but a day, and I would fuft'er Heroically. Should an Afs exceed me in Fortitude ? No. You betray your Infirmity with your hanging dull Ears, and make thera infult : bear up bravely, and conftantly. Look " you here. Sir, what honour is done you unexpefted, by your Nephew i a Wedding Dinner come, and a Knight-fewer before it, for t he more Reputation : and .^nc Mrs. Otter, your Neighbour, in the Rump or Tail of it, [La-Foole fajfes over fewing the Mtat, Mor, Is that Gorgon, that Medufa come \ Hide me, k^d*. me. Tru, r ^be S I L E N r Wo m an. f J^> Tti^, I warrant you, Sir, (he will not transform you. Look upon her with a good Courage. Prajr- you entertain lier, anJ condud your Gjefs in. No, Miftris Bride, will you entreat in the Ladies? your" Bridegroom is fo fliamc-fac*d, here • Ep, Will it pleafe your Lady (hip, Madam ? Bau. With the benefit of your Company, Miftris. £/>/. Servant, pray you perform your Duties. Daw, And glad to be commanded, Miftris. Ctn. How Hke you her Wit, Ma-j'is i . Mav. Very prettily, abfolutely well. M. Ot, 'Tis my Place. Mav. You (hail pardon tne, Miftris Oit^r,- M. Ot» Why, 1 am a Collegiate. Mav. But not in ordinary. M. 0^ But I am. J^av, We'll difpute that within. CU, Would this had lafted a little longer, Trii, And that they had fent for the Heralds, Cap*^ tain Otter, what Ne^s \ Ott. I have brought my Bull, Bear, and ITorfe, in^ private, and yonder are the Trumpeters without, ani the Drum Gentlemen^ [Thi Brum and Trum^eti Sounds Mor. O, O, O. Ott, And we will have a roufc in each of them, anofl, for bold Britons V faith. Mor, O, O, O. uill. Follow, follow, follow. AG T IV. SCENE L True-wit, Clerimont, Dauphine, Tru. \X7AS there ever poor Bridegroom fo tot' VV mented ? or Man indeed ? Cle. I have not read of the like in the Crcnides of t4ie Land. C s^ . Tr^» f4 E P I COE N E: CU, Tru. Sure, he cannot but go to place of reft> after aU this Purgatory. Cie. He may prcfume it, I think. Tru. The Spitting, the Coughing, the Laughter, the Neefing, the Farting, Dancing, noife oi^^ the Ma- fick, and her mafcuh'ne and loud Comrnandkig, and urging the whole Family, mak«$: him. think he has married a Fury. Cle. And fhe carries it up bravel5\ Tru. I, fhe takes any occasion to fp«ak: that's the height on't. Cle. And how foberly Dauph'me- labours to fatisfie him, that it was^ none of his Plot! Tra. And has almoft brought hinai to. the faith, i' the Article. Here he comes. Where is he-now? whai's become of himyDauphine? Bau. O, hold me up a little, I" fiiall go away i' tiie Jeft elfc. Re has got on his whole ncft yf Nights-raps, and lock'd himfelf up i* the top o' the- Houfe, a» high as ever he can climb from the noife. I' peep'A in at a? Crany, and faw him fitting orer a cvoh Beam o' the Roof, like him o' the Sadler's Horfe in Fie&t'-fireff., up- right: and he will flsep there. Cie. But where are your Collegiate s ? Dau. With-drawn with the Bride in private; Trt^. O, tl>ey are inftruding her V the College- Grammar. If fhe have grace with them, fhe know* all their fecrets inftantly. C/^. Me-thinks, the Lady Haughty looks well to day, tor all my difpraife of her i' the Morning. I think, I fnall come about to thee again. True-wit. Tru. Believe it, X told you right. Women:Ought to lepair the lofTes, time and years have made i' their Jeatures, with dreflings. And an intelligent Woman, if fhe know by her felfthe leafl defeft, will be mofl curious, to hide it : and it becomes her. If fhe b^ Jhort, let her fit much, left when fhe fla^ids, fhe be thought to fit. If fhe have an ill Foot, let her wear her Gown the longer, and her Shooe the thinner. If' a fat Hand, and fcald Nails, let her carve the lefs, and fht StLB NT Woman. ff and aft in Gloves. If a fowre Breath let her never diTcourfe fafting j and alw perform always the Second Parts to her j like what file likes, praife whom fhepraifes, and fail not to make the Houfhold and Servants yours, yea the whole Fa-' mily, and falute 'em by tl'cir Names, ('tis but light Coil, if you can purchafe 'em fo) and make her Phy- fician your Penfioner, and her chief Woman. Nor. will it be out of your Gain to make Love to her too, io (he follow, not ufher her Ladies Pleafure. All- Blabbing is taken away, when fhe comes to be a part of the Crime. Baa. On what Courtly Lap haft thou late flept, to come forth fo fudden and abfolute a Courtling \ . Tru. Good faith, I fiiould rather queftion you, that are fo hearkning after thefe Myfteries. I begin to fufpeft your Diligence, Dauphme, Speak, art thou in^ Love in earneft J Bau, Yes by my troth anr 1 5 'twere ilTdilTembling before thee. Tru. With which of 'cm, I pr'y thee^ . Bau. With all the Collegiates. Cle. Out on thee. We'll keep you at home, bje--. lieve it, i' the Stable, an' you be fuch a Stallion. Tr«. No J. I like hira well. Men Ihould love wife- - ly, and all Women 5 fome one for the Face, and let her^ pleafe the Eye j another for the Skin, and let her pleafe the Touch 5 a third for the Voice, and let hci* pleafe the Earj and where the Objefts. mix, let tho Senfes fo too. Thou would'ft think it ftrange, \i I fliould make 'em all in Love with thee afore Night! Bau. I would fay, thou hadft the beft Philtre i' the. World, and couldft do more than Madam AUdta^ ov: Doftor loreman^ Tru. If 1 do not, let me play the Mountebank for jay Meat while I live, and the Bawdier my Dank. Dm. So b« it, 1 fay„ , C 5 5C-E1^B ■- f^ EPICOENE: Or, S C EHE II. Ot^er, Ckrimcnt-^ I>asv, DaupMm, Mdrofe, Xruei^wlt,, Lar'EaoUi hks. Ottgr. on. O Lorogs to bait *cm. Dat4» A good Emplaymenr. Tru. Come on, let's fee your Courfe then. La-F, I am afraid my Goulin will be oflfended if /he come. Ott. Be afraid of nothings. Gentlemen, I have placed the Drum and the Trumpets, and one to give 'em the Sign when you are ready. Here's my Bull for my felf, and my Bear for Sir John Daw, and my Horf*^ for Sir Amorous. Now fee your Foot to mi'n©> and jours to his, and — — La-JF. Pray God my Coufin c?ome not. Ott.. Saint George and Saint Andrew / Ffeap^no Gou^ fins. Come, found, found. Et raiico firepHerHnP car- nua cantu. Tru. Well faid. Captain, i* faith j wellfought at the Bull. Cle. Well held at the Bear. Tru. Low, low, Ctptain. Dau. O, the Horfc has kicktofFhis Dog already^ La-F. I cannot drink it, as 1 am a Knight. ' Tru. Gods fo, off with his Spurs, fome body. La-F. It goes againft my Confcience. My Coufin will be angry with it. ITaiv. I ha* done m'nc. Tru. You fought high and fair. Sir Jok». Cle. At the Head. Dan, Like an excellent Bear-dog. Cle, Yqu take no notice pf the Buflncfs, I hope. ' fhe S I L E N T-tV OMAN. f 5 DaiV' N»t a word. Sir j you fee we are jovial. Ott. Sir Amorous, you muft not equivocate. Itmuft be pull'd down, for all my Coufin. Ch. 'Sfoot, it you take not your Drink, theyM think- you are difcontented with fomethingj you'll betray all, it you takd the leaft notice. La^. Not I, I'll both drink and talk then; Ott. You muft pull the Horfe on hi& Knees, Sir, \4morouss fear no Coufins. 'Jatia ejl alea, Tru. O, now he's in his Vein, and bold. The leaft hint given him of his Wife now, will make him rail defperately. Cht Speak to him of her. Tru» Do you, and I'll fetch her to the hearing. Qf it. Dan. Captain Uc-Otter, youjr Shc-Otnr, is coming, your Wife. Ott. Wife! Buz. Tttlvilithtrn . There's no fuch thing in Nature. I confefs. Gentlemen, I have a Cook, a Laundrefs, a Houfe- drudge, that ferves my neceflary turns, and goes under that Title : But he's an Afs that v;ill be fa uxorious, to tie his AtFedions to one Circle. Come, the Name dulls Appetite. Here, rep.leiiifli, again i another Bout. Wives are naftyflut- tifh Animals. Dau. O, Captain. Ott. As ever the Earth bare, trlkis verbis, Where's J^aftc-r True^wlt ? j;>aw. He's flipt afide, Sir. Cle-^ But you muft drink and be jovial. Daw. Yes, give it mo, X-a-E, Andme tqo. Daiv. Let's be jovial. La-¥. As jovial as you will. Ott. Agreed. Now you fhall ha' the Bear, Coufin, and Sir J^ohn, Daw. the Horle, and I'll ha' the Bull ftill. Sound Tritons O' the Thames. Nunc efi biben- dum^ nunc pede libera • Mor, Villains, Murderers, Sons of the E^rth^ ^d Traitors, what do you there ? I'^AoiQie /peaks from above, th TrumHti founding, Cle. Ott. A pox — I married with Six Thoufand Pound, 1. 1 was in Love with that, I ha* not kill my Pury thefe Forty Weeks> C/f. The more to blame you. Captain. Tru, Nay, Mrf. Otter, hear him a little firft. Ott. She hath a Breath worfe than my Grandmo- »hers Profe5io, Mrs. Ott. O treacherous Liar. Kifs me, fwcet Mafter True-wit, and prove him a flandering Knave, Tru, ril rather believe you. Lady. Ott, And fhehas a Perruke, that*s like a Pound of Hemp, made up in Shoe-threds. Mrs. 0//.0 Viper, Mandrake! Ott. A moft vile Face! and yet fhe fpends me For- ty Pound a Year in Mercury and Hogs Bones. All her Teeth were made i' the Black^Friers, both her Eye-brows i' the Strand, and her Hair in Silver-fireet, Every part o' the Town owns a piece of her. Mrs. Ott. I cannot hold. Ott. She takes her felf afunder ftill when fhe goes to )^tdj into fome twenty Boxes ; and about next day> Noon is put together again, like a great German Clock J and fo comes fbrth, and Rings a tedious La- rum to the whole Houfe, and then is quiet again for an Hour, but for her Quarters. Ha* you done me right. Gentlemen > Mrs. Ott. No, Sir, I'll do you right with myQuar- Hrs, with my Quarters. {She falls upon him, and hats him- Oft. O, hold, good Princely. Tru. Sound, found. fls. A Battel, a Battel^ T^t Silent Wo m an. 6t Mrs. Otf. You notorious ftinkardly Bearward, docs my Breath fmell ) Ott. Under Correftlon, dear Princefs. Look to my Bear and my H orfe, Gentlemen. Mrs. Ott, Do I want Teeth, and Eye-brows, thoir Bull-dog > TrH. Sound, found ftill. 0/f..No, I proteft, under Corredion — Mrs. Ott, I, now you are under Corredion, yon proteft: but you did not proteft before Correftion, Sir. Thou Judas, to offer to betray thy Princefs '.I'll make thee an Example • [Morofe defcends -with a long Sword, Mor, I will have no fuch Examples in my Houfe, Lady Otttr, Mrs. Otty Ah— — Mor, Mrs. Mary Amhree, your Examples are dan- gerous. Rogues, Hell-houndSi Stentors, out of my Doors, your Sons of Noife and Tumult, begot on an ill May-day, or when the Gally-foift is afloat to JVefi- fn'mjhr ! A Trumpeter could not be conceiv'd but then. Dau. What ails you. Sir? Mcr. They have rent my Roof, Walls, and all my Windows afunder, with their Brazen Throats, TrH. Beft follow him, Daufhine. Dau. So I will. Cle. Where's Daw and La-Foole? Ott. They are both run away. Sir. Good Gentle- men, help to pacifie my Princefs, and fpeak to the Great Ladies for me. Now muft I go lie with the Bears this Fortnight, and keep out o"* the way, till my Peace be made, for this Scandal fhe has taken. Did you not fee my Bull-head, Gentlemen > Cle. Is't not on. Captain ? Tru. No } but he may make a new one, by that is •n. Ott. O, here 'tfs. An* you come over. Gentle^ men, and ask for Ttm Otter, weHl go down to Rat- iliff, and have a Courfc i* faith, for all th«f« Difafters. There is ^c»/?jjei left, - ^^^^ 41 EPICOENE: Gf, , 'Xr.t*, Awa,y„ Captain, get off while you are welL Cle. I am glad we are rid of him. Trw Tom had. never been, unlefs we had put his Wife upon him. His Humour is as tedious at laft, as \l was ridiculous at firft. SCENE HI. Haughty, Mrs. Otter, Mavis, Daw, La^lBoolf, Centaun, Epcxne, True-wit, Clerimont. HAUk We wonder'd why you fhrieVd fo, Mrs. Otter, Mrs. Ott. O God, Madam, he came down with a Imge long naked Weapon in both. his Hands, andlook'd fo dreadfully '. Sure he's befide himfdf. Mav. Why, what made you there, Mrs. Otter? Mrs. Ott. Alas, Mrs. Mavis, I was chaftifing my Subjeft, and thoug.ht nothing oi himi X)4«6y. Faith, Mjftris, you muft d.o fo tqo. Learn to chaftifei Miftris. Otter correds her Husband fq, he diflr«s not fpeak, but under Correction. Lek-B. /iidwith hi&Hat oiJ' toher : 'twould do you good to fee. Hau. In fadnefs, *tls good and mature Counfel j pra£Hfe it, Morofeu I'll callyou Afor«>/^ ftill now, as I call Centaure and Maojis; we fi^kur will be all one. Cen, And you'll come to the College, and live with us'^J Hau, Make him give Milk and Honey. Mav, Look how you manage him at firft, you fljall Kav«-him ever aftw. Cen. Let him allow you your Coach and four Hor* fes, y ur Woman, your Chamber-maid, your Page, }H)unGentleman''U(her, your 'E^r-mch Cookj and four Grooms. Hau. And go with us to 'Bedlam^ to th* CAi^^Houfefi and to the Exchange, Qm. It will open the Gate to yourP^me. Hau. Here's Centaure has immortaliz'd her felf, with taming of her wild Male. Mav, I, ihe ba& done the. Miracle oS> tli& ^ing'- f^& SxLKNrx Woman; ^ I.ft. But. Ladies, do you count it lawful to hayftfuch pluraJity of Servants, ^6^.6si 'email Qraces^-^ Hau. Why not ? Why fhould. Women deny theie Bavours: to. Men ? Are tlic)^ the poorer, octheworfe* HAiU Is^thfr Ihamy thfi:le(& fbt tbft. ©yedr& Watar, Miftris ? X and draw their Weapons for qur Hono.ujrsj-J Baii> Not on«. Bau. Nay, my Miftris is not altogether unintdli-. gent of thefe things j h«r« be in prefenc« have tailed of her Favours. Cie, What a,rv©ighing Hobby-horfeis this! £/>;, But not with intent to boaft 'em again, Servanf; And have you thofe excellent Receits^, Midam, tokeep your felves from bearing of Children r Hau. O yes, Morofe : How (hould we maintain our Youth :>nd Beauty el fe? Many Births of a. Woman make h«r Old, as^ many Crops make the Earth Barren. S C E N E IV. Idorofe, Dauphine, True-iuit, Epicoenety CUrm^nt^ "DarwK, Uamjof^t ^a'Fo^U, Centaur Cy Mavis y Mrs. Otter, Trufiy, Mor. O my curfed Angel; thtt inftrufted me to this late 1 Dafs^ ^4 E P I G OE N E: Oj% Dau, Whjr, Sir ? Mor. That I fhould be feduc'd by fo fooHfli aDevit as a Barber will make t Dati. I would 1 had been worthy. Sir, to have par- taken your Counfel j you fhould never have trufted it to fuch a Minifter. Mcr. Would 1 could redeem it with the lofs of »n Eye (Nephew), a Hand, or any other Member. Vau. Marry, God forbid. Sir, that you fhould geld^ yeur felf, to anger your Wife. Mor, So it would rid me of hert and, that I did^ fupererogatory Penance in a Belfry at Wejimtnfier-hall, i' x\\t Cockpit, at the fall of a Stag, the Tower-wharf j (what Place is there elfe?) London-bridge, Paris-Garden,- Bilings-gate, when the Noifes are at their height, and lowdeft. Nay, 1 would fit out a Pl^y, that were no- thing but Fights at Sea, Drum, Trumpet, and Tar- get! D4«, 1 hope there fhall be no fuch need, Sir. Take Patience, good Uncle. This is but a Day, and 'tis well worn too now^ Mor. O, 'twill be fo for ever. Nephew, 1 forefee- It, for ever. Strife and Tumult are the Dowry that comes with a Wife. Trit. 1 told you iOy Sir, and you would not believer me. Mor, Alas, do not rub thofe Wounds, MafterTrwf- ivity to blood again \ 'twas my negligence. Add not Afaiftion to AflBiftion. 1 have perceiy'd the EfFeft oh it, too late^ in Madam Otter, . Eft. How do you, Sir 5 JAor. Did you ever hear a more unnecefTary Quefli- on3 As if rhe did not fee ! Why, I do as you fee, Era- prefs, Emprefs. Epi. You are not well. Sir! you look very ill I Some- thing has diflemper'd you. Mor, O horrible, monftrous Impertinences ! Would not one of thefe have ferv'd, do you think, Sir 5 Would not onf Qf tb«r« have r«tY*d \ fUe SiLENi Woman. ^f Tru. Yes, Sirj but thefe are but Note? of Female K-indnels, Sir ; cek tain Tokens that fhe has a VoicCj, Mor. O, is't fo ? Come, and be no otherwuc— — * What fay you ? Epi. How do you feel your felf. Sir t Mor, Again that ! Trn, Nay, look you Sir, you would be Fricndj with your Wife upon uiKonfcionable Terms i her Si* lence— — — Itpi, They lay you are run mad, Sir. Mor. Not for Love, 1 alTure you, of yoaj do vow fee? t:pi. O Lord, Gentlemen! Lav hold on him, for God's fake. What (hall I do? Who's his Phyfician (can you tell) that knows the State of his Body beft, that I might fend for him ? Good Sir, fpeak ; I'll fend for one of my Doftors elfe. Mor. What, to Poifon me, that I might die In- teftate, and leave yon poflelt of all? Epi. Lord, how idly he talks, and how his Eyer fparklel He looks green about the Temples ! Do yovt- fee what blue Spots hehAS^ Cle. T, it's Melancholy. Epi. Gentlemen, for Heaven** fake, Counfcl me.* Ladies! Servant, you have read Fliny ^n^Paracelfus^ ne'er a word now to comfort a poor Gentlewoman > Ay me! what Fortune had I to marry a diftraftcd- Man ? Daiv. I'll tell you, Miftris Tru. How rarely fhe holds it up! Alor. What means you, Gentlemen? Epi. What will you tell me. Servant? Baw. The Difeafe in Greek is called Uctvidiy in latin^^ Jnfania, Furor, vel Ecjiafis Melancholica, that is, Egref-i [to, when a Man ex rnelancholico evadit fanaticus. Mor'. Shall I have a Ledure read upon me alive ? Baw. But he may be but PhreneticHs yet, Miftrisj and PhreneticHs h only Delirium j or fOr. Epk 6€ E P I q OE N E : Or, E^L Ir that is for t lie Difeafe, Servant j but what is thisro tha Cure ? We are fur c enough of the Dif- cafe. Mor. Let me go, Tru. V/hy, we'll entreat her to hold her Peace, Sir. Mor, O, no; labour not to fi:op her. She is like, a^ Conduit-pipe, that will gufh out with more force when fhe opens again. Haur, I'll tell you., Morofr, you muft tallj Divinity tQ> him altogether, or Moral Philofophy. La-F. 1, and there's an excellent Book of Moral Philofophy, Madam, of Raynard the Fox, and all the Beafts cali'd Bone's Philofophy. Cen, There is indeed. Sir Amorous LOf-Faolei Mor, O mifecy ! La.-F. I have read, it; my Lady Centaure,. all over ta"» my GouGti here. Mrs. Ott. I, and 'tis a vary gflod Book a& any isy oiv the Mojdern*. Baw. Tut, he muft haye: Sft»fl^4 x^aA ta him, and, PiiU^rchy and th«. Ancients 5 the Modfirns axe not for thisDifeafci Cle. Why, you difcommand them too, today, Sit ^ohn. Baw, I;, in fome Cafes j but in thefc theyafebeft, an d Ariftotle's E thicks . Mav. Say you. ioy Sir '^ohn I I think you. are d-e.- ceiv.'dj you; took itupon truft. Hau. Where's Trufty, my Woman ? I'll end this: Difference. I pr'y thee. Otter, call her. Her Father and Mother were both mad, when they put her to me. Mor. I think fo. Nay, Gentlemen, I am tame. "Xhia is but an Exercife, I know, a.Marriage-Ceremony, which I muft endure. Hati. And one of them (I know not which) wa* cu- ted- with the Sick Man's Salves i and the other with Qteen^& Groat's^ worth of Wit. Trfi, A very cheap. Cure, Madam. mt4i fhe^ S I L E N T Wo MA BT. Cj , nau. I, it's very feaiibl*. Mrs. Ott. My Lady callM for you, Miftrls Tru/iy : you muft decide a Controverlle^ Had. O, Trujiy, which, was it you faid, your Fa- ther, or your Mother, that was cur'J witb the S^itk Man*s Salva ? Truf, My Mother, Madam, with the Sa!ve» Trti: The La^F. O y Wv for Z. Weefe^ or fo 5. I'll read it my felftohim. i^/'i. No, I muft do tha^. Sir; that muft be rrty Afar.. G4i, oh! Epi. Sure ha would. do« Well enough, if he could ikep. Mor. Nk)> I fhoulddo well enough, if you could fleep. Have I no. Friend, that will make hcc drunk, or §iv« her a little LoitdanHm, or Opium ? Tru, Why, Sir, fha taJ ks ten. times worfe in her fleep. Mor. How ! Cle^ Do vou know th«^, Sir; never cea/es all Night. Tru. And fnores likea.i'//c^. Afor. O, redeem me. Fate ; redeem me^ Fat*. For how many Caufes may a Man be divorc'd. Nephew J Datt. 1 know not, truly, Sir, Tri4, 6S EPICOE N E: Or, Tm. Some Divine muft refolve you in that, $ir, or Canon- Lawyer. Mor. I will not reft, I will not thmk of any other Hope or Comfort, till 1 know. Cle. Alas, poor Man! Tru, You'll make him mad indeed. Ladies, if yoifr purfue this. Hau, No, we'll let him breathe new, a quarter of an hour, or fo. Cle, By ray Faith, a large Truce. Uau. Is that his Keeper, that is gone with him ^ Daw. It is his Nephew, Madam. La-F. Sir Dauphhe Euge?iie^ Cen, He looks like a very ' pitiful Knight Daw,, As can be. This Marriaee has put him out cfalJ. itf-P. He has not a Penny in his Parfe, Madam — Daw. He is ready to cry all this Day. La-T, A very Shark j he fet me i* th* nick t*oth«E- Night at Primero, Tru, How thefe Swabbers talk ! Cle. I, Otter\ Wine has fwell'd their Humours above a Spring-tide, Hau. Good Morofej lei*s go in tgain^ I like youc Couches exceeding well ; we'll go lie and talk there. EpK I wait on you. Madam. Tru. 'Slight, I will have him as filcnt as Signs, an/. Will you §0 in, and hear, me^ do it t Tfit. ^he Silent Woman. 69 Tru. No, I'll ftay here. Drive 'cm out of your Company, *tis all I ask \ which cannot be any wa/ better done, than by extolling Dauphine, whom th«y have fo flij^hted. Epi, I warrant you j you ftiall tx^tSt. one oi '«m piefently. Cie, V\\2X a Caft of Caftrils ar« thcfc, to Havvkaft«f Ladies thus^ Tru, I, and ftrike at fuch an Eagle ai Dauphim, Cle, He will bt mad, when Wfi tell hini. Here he ■comes* SCENE V. Clermont, True-wit, Dauphine, Daw, Ig-Ffiple^ Cle. O Sir, you are welcom. Tru. Where's thine Uncle > Dau. Run out o* Doors in*s Night-caps, to talk with a Cafuift about his Divorce. It works admirably. Tru. Thou would'ft ha* faid (o, an' thou had'ftbeen here ! the Ladies have laughM at thee moft comically, fince thou went'ft, Dauphine. Cle. And askt, if thou wert thine Uncle's Keeper. Tru. And the Brace of Baboons anfwer'd. Yes, and faid, thou wert a pitiful poor Fellow, and didft live upon Pofts, and hadft nothing but three Suits of Ap- parel, and ibme few Benevolences that the Lords ga* ttee to fool to 'em, and fwagger. Dau, Let me not live, I'll beat 'em j I'll bind 'em both to Grand Madams Bed-pofts, and have 'em bated with Monkeys. Tru. Thou fhalt not need, they fhall be beaten to thy Hand, Dauphine. I have an Execution to fervc upon 'em, I warrant thee (hall ferye j truft my Plot. Dau, I, you have many Plots ! So you had one, to make all the Wenches in Love with me. Tru, Why, if I do not yet afore Night, as near as *iis, and that they do not every one invite thee, and be xeady to featch for thee, take the Mortgage of my Wit, CU. 70 EP!COENE:0r, Cle, 'Fore God, V\\ "be hh Wttirefsj thou Ihalt have ■ h, Bunphine : Them 'fhalc Ije hris Fool for ever, ii thou doft not. Tr^. Agreed. Perhaps 'twill be th^ better Eftate, "Do yon obfcrve t^his Gallery, or ra:ther Lobby indeed ? Here are a couple of Studies, at each &nd one : Here Vj'xW I aft fuch a Tragic fftnedy 'between the G'aelp'hs ?.nd the Ghihllwes, Daw and La-Ioole which tjf 'em comes out fiTft, will 1 feife on : (Yoa fwo ihall be rhe Chorus belrind th« Arrais, and Whip 'out between the Aclsy and fpeak.) If I do not make 'em teep the Peace for this remnant of the Day, if not of the Year, I have fail'd once — — - — -Ilrear Daw coming: Hide, and 4xi not l*«gh, for God's fake. Dau. Which is the way into the Garden, trow ? Tru, O, Jack-Daw \ 1 am glad I have met with you. In good faith, I mull have this Majter go no further between you : 1 muft ha' it taken up. Dati. What Matter, Sir? Between whom? Tru. Come, you difguife it. Sir Amorous and you. If you love me, Jacky y^^a fhall make ufe of your Philofophy now, for this once, and deliver me your Sword. This is not the Wedding the Centaures were at, tho' there be a She-one here. The Bride has en- treated me I will fee no Blood fhed at her Bridal 5 you faw her whifper me ere-while. Dau. As I hope to finiih Tacitus, I intend no Mur- der. Tru. Do you not wait for Sir Amorous ? Dau. Not I, by my Knighthood. Tru. And your Scholar fhip too \ JD^«. And my Scholarfhip too. Tru. Go to, then I return you your Sword, and ask you mercy j but put it not up, for you will be affaulted. 1 underftood that you had apprehended it, and walkt here to brave him j and that you had held your Life contemptible, in regard of your Honour. Daw. No, no j no fuch thing, 1 aflure you. He and I parted now, as good Friends as could be. Tru. Trufl not you to that Vifor. I faw him fince Dinner ^2^ Si LENT Woman. 71 Dinner with another Face: I have known many Men 'in TTjy time ^'^xM wirli Loffes, with Deat^is, antl with Abufe^ ; bur fo cffended a Wight as Sir Amorous, did 1 never /e« t^r read of. For raking away his •Girefts, Sir, to day, rhat's th« Catrfe^ Tmd he declares itbeiiin^d 70 a r bade tvith fach Threatnings and Contempts—— fie faid to Dauphine, You were the erranflt AFs— — X>.rcf. I, he xi\?.j Tny his Pleaftrre. Tnt. And fwears, you are fo protefted a Coward, tliat he knows yon "will never do hinn any manhr or fifygle Right J and therefore he will take Ws conrie. haw. I'll give him any Satisfadion, Sir—bnt 'fighting. Tm. I, Sir j but who knows what Satisfaftlon he*ll take : Blood he thirfts for, and Blood he will have ; ^\ d whereabouts on you he will have it, who kncws, but htmfelf ? Daw, I pray you, Mafter True-wit, be you a Me- diator. Tm. Well, Sir, conceal your felf then „ in this Study 'till I return. Nay, you muft ^-^ ^^ be content to be iock'd inj for, for mine ^^ ^^' own Reputation, 1 would not have you fcen to re- •ceive a Publick Difgrace, while 1 liave the Matter in managing. Gods fo, here he comes 5 keep your Breath clofe, that he do not hear you figh. In good faith. Sir Amorous, he is not this way j 1 pray you be mer- ciful, do not murder him; he is a Chriftian, as good as yon: You are arm'd as if you fought a Revenge on all his Race. Good Dauphine, get him away from this Place. I never knew a Man's Choler fo high, but he would fpeak to his Friends, he would hear Reafon. Jack Daw, Jackl afleep > Daw. Is he gone, Mafter True-wit Tru, I ; did you hear him } Davj. O God, yes. Tru. What a quick Ear Fear has? Dazv. But is he fo arm'd, as you fay? Tru. Arm'd \ Did you ever fee a Fellow fct out to take Pofleffion Daw, 7^ E P I C OE N E : Of, Daw. I, Sir, Tru. That may give you fomc light to conceive of . binii but 'tis nothing to the principal. Some falfe Brother i' the Houfe has furnilli'd him ftrangely j or, if it were out o' the Houfe, it was Tom Otier. Daw. Indeed he's a Captain, and hi« Wife is his Kiafwonian. Tru. He has got fome bodies old two-hand Sword, to mow you off at the Knee^: And that Sword have fpawiv'd fuch a Dagger I But then he is fo hung with Pike.s Halberds, Peitronels, Calh'vers, and Muf- kets, that he looks like a Juftice of Peace's Hall : A Man of Two Thoufand a Year is not fefs'd atfo many. Weapons as he has on. There was never Fencer chal- leng'd at fo many feveral Foils. You would think he meant to murder all St. PuUhies Parifh. If he could but Vi£lual himfelf for half a Year in his Breeche?, he is fufficiently arm'd to over-run a Country. Daw. Good Lord ! what means he. Sir ? I pray you Malter True-wit, be you a Mediator. Iru. WeW, I'll try if he will be appeas'd with a Leg or an Armj if not, you muft die once. Daw. I would be loth to lofe my Right Arm, for writing Madrigals. . Tru. Why, if he will be fatisfied with a Thumb, or a Little- finger, all's one to me. You muft think, I'll do my beft. Daw. Good Sir, do. [He puts him up a^a in, Cle, What haft thou done? and then came forth. Tru, He will let me do nothing, Man j he does all afore me; he offers his left Arm, Cle. His left Wing, for a Jack Daw. Dau. Take it, by all means. Tru. How ! Maim a Man for ever, for a Jeft? What a Confcience haft thou ? Dau. 'Tis no lofs to him j he has no employment for his Arms, but to eat Spoon-meat, Befide, as good maim bis body, as his Reputation. Tru, He is a Scholar, and a '^'it, and yet he does not think fo. But be lofes no Reputation with us ; for 7'h€ Sii^trjT Woman. 75 for W^ all refolv'd him an Afs before. To your Places again. Cle. I pray thee, let me be in at the other a little, Tra. Look, you'll fpoil all j thefe be ever your Tricks. Cle. No, but I couM hit of fomc things that thoa wilt mifs, and thoU wilt fay are good ones. Tnt. I warrant you. I pr.^y forbear. Til leave i$ off clfe. Dan. Come away, Cleriment. Trn. Sir Afnor6ui\ f.a-F. Mafter True-vj'tt. Tru. Whither were you going? La-F. Down into the Court, to make Water. Tru. By no means, Sirj you fhall rather tempt your Breeches. La-V. Why, Sir? 7rn, Enter here, if you love your Life. La-F. Why! why! Trrt. Queftion till your Throat be cut, do: dally till the enraged Soul find you. La-F. Who's that ? Tn-t. Daw h is : Will you in > La-F. I, I, I'll in : What's the matter ? Tru. Nay, if he had been cool enough to tell us that, there had been fome Hope to atone you j but he fedms fo implacably enrag'd. La-F, 'Slight, let him rage: I'll hide my felf* Tru, Do, good Sir, But what have yon done to hfm within, that fhould provoke him thus ? You have broke fome Jell: upon him afore the Ladies La-F. Not 1, never in my Life, broke Jeft upon any Man. The Bride was praifing Sir Bauphine, and he Went away in friuff, and followed himj unlefs he took offence at me in his Drink ere-while, that I would not pledge all the Horfe full. Tru, By my Faith, and that may bej you remem- ber well : But he walks the Round up and down, through every Room o* the Houfe, with a Towel in his Hand, crying, Where's La-look .? Who faw La- D Toole \ 74 E P I C OE N E ; Or, Toole? And when Bauppjwe, and I demanded the Caufe ** we can force no Anfwerfiom him, but (O Revenge^ how fweet art thou ! I will ftrangle him in this To- wel) Which leads us to conjeiaure, that the main Caufe of his Fury is, for br!ngin ^.hn O.u, he ^'Jf^^^/J^ IS not this way: What wiU you do > ^^ Irkht th Before God you (hall hang no Petard J ^^^ / ' take my Word ? I never knew one J -^ but would be fatisfied. Sir Amorous, there's no (land- ing out: He has made a Petard of an old Brafs Per, to force your Door. Think upon fome Satisfaftion, or Terms, to offer him. La-F. Sir, I'll give him anySatisfaaion : I dare give any Terms. Tru. You'll leave It to me then ? La-¥. I, Sir : I'll ftand to any Conditions. Tru. How now, what think you, „ ii r ,l Sirs ? Wer't not a difficult thing to pf /^"' ^'^^^ determine, which of thefe two fear'd ^[^''f^^' ^^^ moftj Dauphme. Cle. Yes, but this fears the bravcft : The other, a whiniliing Daftard, Jack Daw ! But L^-F(?/?/»tf with you. Hau. She has promis'd that, Mavis. Mav. He is a very worthy Gentleman m his Exte- riors, Madam. Hau. I, he fhews he is judicial in his Clothes. ' Cen. And yet not fo fuperlitively neat as fome. Ma- dam, that have their Faces fet in a Bark. ■ Hau. \, and have every Hair in form, Mav. Tliat wear purer Linnen than our felves, and profefs more Neatnefs than the Fr^wr/? Hermaphrodite I I- pi. \, Ladies, they, what they tell one of us, have told a Thoufandj and are the only Thieves of qur Fame, that think to take us with that Perfume, or with that Lice, and laugh at us unconfcionably when they have done. Hau. But Sir Dauphine's Carelefnefs becomes him.- Cen. I could love a Man for fuch a Nofel Mav. Or fuch a Leg! Ce}7. He has an exceeding good Eye, Madam! Mav . And a very good Look ! Ce)7. Good Morcje, bring him to my Chamber firff.' Mrs. Ott. Pleafc your Honours to meet at my Houfc> Madam. Tru. See how they eye thee, Man ! They arc talceni I warrant thee. Hau. You have unbrac'd our Brace of Knights here, Mafter True-wit. Tru. Not I, Madam; it was Sir Dauphine's ingine; who, if you have disfurnifti'd your Ladyfhip of any Guard or Service by it, is able to make the Place good again in himfelf. Hau, There is no fufpicion of that. Sir. Cen. God fo. Mavis, Haughty is kifling. Mav. Let us g^ too, and take part. Hau. But I am glad of the Fortune fbefide the Dif- covery of two fuch empty Caskets) to gain the Know- ledge of fo rich a Mine of Vertue ^s Sir Dauphine. Cen. V7e would be all glad toftile him ofour Friend- /hip, and fee him at the College. I> 4 Mav go E P I C OE N E: Or, Mav. He cannot mix with a fweetcv Society, 1*11 pTophefiej and 1 hope he himfelf will think fo. D^u. I fhould be lude to imagine otherwife, hZ(\)\ Tru, Did not 1 tell thee, Dauphinet Why, all their A£^ions are govern'd by crude Opinion, without Rea- fon or Caijfe j they know not why they do any thing -, but a* they are inform'd, believe, judge, pralfe, condemn, love, hate, and in emulation one oi another, do all thefe things alike. Only they have a natural Inclina, tion fways 'em generally to the worft, when they are left to themfelyes. But purfue it now thou haft 'cm. Hau. Shall we go in again, Morafe? Eft. Yes, Madam.. Cen. We'll entreat Sir Danphtne^s Gompany. Tru, Stay, good Madam, the Interview of the two Iriends, Pylades dind Orejies : I'li fetch 'em out ta yott Jftraight. Bna. Will you, Mafter Trut-wh .? Daw, I J but noble Ladies, do not confefs in yout! Countenance, or outward Bearing to 'em, any difco- very of their Follies, that we may fee how they will bear up again, with what AfTurance andEreftioii, Hau, We will not, Sir Dauphins. Cen. Mav. Upon our Honours, Sir Dauphine. " Tru, Sir Amorous, Sir Amorous. The Ladies are here. La-I. Are they > Tru. Yes 5 but (lip out by and by, as their backs are turn'd, and meet Sir "^ohn here, as by chance, tvhen i call you. J-achDaw, Daw. What lay you, Sir > Tru, Whip out behind me fuddenly, and no Angeri* your Looks to your Adverfary. Now, now. La-F, 'Rohlc Sir yoh?i Daw / where ha'you been> Daw. To feek you. Sir Amorous, La-T. Me! I honour you. Daw. I prevent you, Sir* ; Cle, They have forgot their Hapiers. Tru, O, they meet in Peace, Mao. Dau, Where's ybur Sword, Six John? Cle. ^e S I L E N T-W OMAN. 8 i Cle. And yours. Sir Amorous? Daw. Mine! My Boy had it forth, to mend the Handle, e'en now. La-F. And my Gold Handle was broke too, and my Boy had it forth. Dau. Indeed, Sir } How their Excufes meet. Cle. What a confent there is i* the Handles ? Tm. Nay, there is fo i' the Points too, 1 warrant yoUi Mrs. Ott, O me ! Madam, he comes again, the Madman I Away. SCENE VII. Morofe, True-wif, CUrimont, Bauphim. Mor. What mdk-t thefe naked' Weapons here, Gen- tlemen ? [He had found the two Sirords drawn with'wl Tru. O, Sir! here hath Hlcero been Murder firvceyou went ! A coiiplc of Knights fallen out about the 3rid«s Favours : We were fain to take away theii* Weapons^ you-r Houfe had been begg'd b)^ this time elfe Mor. For what > cle. For Man-ilaughter, S?t, a's being AccefTory. Mor, And for her Favours ? Trif. r. Sir, heretofore, not prefent. Clerimonty caN ry 'em their Swords now. They ha^c done all the hurt they will do. I>aiv. Ha* you fpoke with a Law^'^er, Sir? Mor. O, no! There is fuch- a' noife i' the Court, that they have frighted me home with more Violence than I went! Such (peaking, and counter-fpeaking, with their feveral Voices of Citations, Appellations, Alle- gattons. Certificates, Attachments, Interrogatories, Re- ferences, Con'vicftons and Afflictions indeed, among the Dolors 7>n^ Prc prefently. Daw. Why J to what puipofe ? Tru. O^ I'll make the deepeft Divine, and graveft Lawyer, out o' them two, for him Dau. Thou can*ft not, Man 5 thefe are waking Dreams. Tru.. Do not fear me. Clap but a Civil Gown with the W.clt o' the one, and a Canonical Cloke with Sleeves o' the other, and give 'em a few Terms i' the Mouths, if there come not forth as able a Doft^^r, and compleat a Parfon, for this turn, as may be wifh'd, truft not my Eleftion : And I hope, without wrong- ing the Dignity of either ProfefHon, fince they are but Perfons put on, and for Mirths fake, to torment him. The Barber fmatters Latin, I remember. Dan. Yes, and Ott^r too. Truv Well then if I make 'em not wrangle out this Cafe, to his no comfort, let me be thought a ^ack DaWf or La-Foole, or any thing worfe. Go you to your Ladies, but firft fend for them, Dan. l.will. ACT f'he Silent Wo-MAK. 8j A C T V. SCENE 1. La- Toole, CUrlmonty Daw, Mavis, La-F, \A7 Here had you our Swords, Mafter Clert- VV rnont ? Cle. Why, Dauphine took 'em from the Mad- man. La-F. And he took 'em from our Boys, I warrant you? Cle. Very like. Sir. La-F. Thank you, good Mz^tr Cler'imont. Sit John Bavu and 1 are both beholden to you. Cle, Would I knew how to make you fo, Gentle- men. Baw, Sir Amorous and I are your Servants, Sir. Mav. Gentlemen, have any of you a Pen and Ink ^ I would fain write out a Riddle in Italian, for Sir Dau- fhine to tranflate. Cle. Not I, in troth, Ladyj I am no Scrivener..: Daw. I can furnifh you, 1 think. Lady. Cle, He has it in the Haft of a Knife, I believe. La-F. No, he has his Box of Inftruments. Cle. Like a Surgeon! La-F. For the Mathematicks : his Square, his Com- pafTes, his Brafs Pens, and Black-lead, to draw Maps of every Place and Perfon where he comes. Cle. How, Maps of Perfons ! La-F. Yes, Sir, of Nomentack, when he was here, and of the Prince of Moldavia, and of his Miftris, Miftris Epicoene. C/^. Away! He has not found out her Latitude, I hope. La-F. You are a pleafant Gentleman, Sir. Cle. Faith, now we are in private, let's wanton it a little, and talk waggifhiy. Sivjohn, lam telling Sir Amorous here, that you two govern the Ladies where e'er you come,you carry the Feminine Gender afore you. Daw. They Ihall rather c^rry us afore them, if they will, Sir. Cle. S4 E P I C OE N E : Or, Cle. Nay, I believe that they do withal —— But, that y.ou are the prime Men in theii: Affedlions, ao^ ilired all their Actions JDaw, Not I: Syr Amprom is. X4-.F. T proteft, Sir "^ohn is. Daw, As I hope to rife i' the St^te, Sir Amorms, you ha' the Perfon. i^-F. Sir "^ohn, you ha* the Perfan, and- the Dif- couiTe too. Daiv, Not I, Sir. I have no Difcourfe -— — and then you have Adivity befide. La-T. I proteft. Sir John, you come as higb from Tripoly, as I do every whit : and lift a^s m-a^n-y Joyn'd Stools, and leap over 'em, it you would ufe it Cle. Well, a^ree on't together. Knights ^ for be- tween you, you divide the Kingdom, or Common- wealth of Ladies AfFedtions: I fee it, andean perceive a little how they obferve you, and fear you, in-deed. You could tell ftrange Stories, my Matters, if you would, I know. Daiv. Faith, we have fomewhat. Sir. La-F, That we have —Veivet Petticoats, and wrought Smocks, or fo. I)aw. I, and- .— Cle. Nay, out with it, Sir7 and converft with her hourly, Sir. Cle, And, what Humour is ftie of ? Is Ihe coming and open, free ? Dajv. O, exceeding open, Sir* I was her Servant, and Sir Amorous was to be. Cle. Come, you have both had Favours from her s I know, and have heard fo much. Dmv. O, no. Sir. La-F. You (hall excufe us> Sir 5 we muft not wound Reputation. Cle. Tut, fhe is married now, and you cannot hurt her with any Report^ and therefore fpeak plainly : How many times, i^ faith ? which of you led fi-rft ? ha ? La-V. Sir John had her Maidenhead, indeed. Daw^ O, it pleafes him to fay fq, Sirj but Sir A» morons knows what's what, as welL Cle. Doftthou, i' faith. Amorous i La-F. In a manner, Sir. Cle. Why, 1 commend you. Lads. Little knows Don Bridegroom of this 5 nor fhall he, for me. Daw* Hang him, mad Ox. Cle, Speak foftly j here comes his Nephew, with the Lady Haughty: He'll get the Ladies from you. Sirs, if you look not to him in time. La-F, N5C^hy, if be do, we'll fetch 'em home again, I warrant you. SCENE IL Haughty, Dauphlne, Centaur e^ Mavis, Clerimont, Hau. 1 afTure you, Sir Dauph'trie, k is the Price and Eftimation of your Vertue only, that hath embark'^l me to this Adventure; and^I could not but make outto^ tell youfo : Nor can I repent me of the Aft, fince it is always an Argument of fome Vertue in our i^yts, that we love aiid affeft it fo in others. Dan^ ¥S E P I C OE N E: Or, Da». Your Ladyfhip fets too high a Price on my .Weaknefs. Bau. Sir, I can diftinguifh Gems from Pebbles — Dau. fAre you fo skilful in Stones?) Hau. Andhowfoever 1 may fufFer in fuch a Judg- ment as yours, by admitting Equality of Rank or So- ciety with Centaure or Mavis Dau. You do not. Madam j 1 perceive they are your meer Foils. Hau. Then are you a Friend to Truth, Sirj It makes me love you the more. It is not the outward, but the inward Man that I afFed. They are not ap- prehenfive of an eminent Perfedion, but love flat and. dully. Cen, >55^here are you, my Lady Haughty f Hau. I come prefently, Centaure. My Chamber, Sir, my Page (hall fhew you j and Trujiy, my Woman, fhall be ever awake for you: You need not fear to communicate any thing with her, for fhe is a Fidelia. I pray you wear this Jewel for my fake. Sir Dauphine, Where's Mavis, Centaure? Cen. Within, Madam, a writing. I'll follow you prefently : Til but fpeak a word with Sir Dauphine. Dau. With me, Mdam ? Cen. Good Sir Dauphine, do not truft Haughty, nor make any Credit to her, what ever you do befides. Sir Dauphine, I give you this Caution, (he is a perfeft Courtier, and loves no body, but for her Ufes ; and for her Ufes fhe loves all. B-efiies, her Phyficians. give her out to be none o' the cleared, whether fhe' pay 'em or no. Heaven knows -, and fhe's above Fif- ty too, and pargets! See her in a Forenoon. Here comes Mavis, a worfe Face than fhe I You would not like this by Candle-light. If you'll come to my Cham- ber one o' thefe Mornings early, or late in an Even-. ing, I'll tell you more. ^Si(,'\izx6'& Haughty, Mavis? Mav. Within, Centaure. ' Ceny What ha' you there ? Mav. An Itaiiaa Riddle for Sir Dauphine, (you fhall not fee it i' faith, Centaure.) Good $ii Dauphine, folve it for me : I'll call for it anon. Cle. Hie Silent Woman. 87^ Cle. How now, Dauphine ? how doft thou quit thy felf of thefe Females ? Dan. 'Slight, they haunt me like Fairies, and give me Jewels here j 1 cannot be rid of em, Cle. O, you muft not tell tho'. Dau, Mafs, I forgot that : I was never fo aflault- ed. One loves for Vercue, and bribes me with this : Another loves me with Caution, and (b would pofTefs me: A third brings me a Riddle here: And all are jealous, and rail each at other. Cle. A Riddle i Pray le' me fee'r. [He reads the Paper,. Sir Dauphine, I chofe this ivay of Intimation for pri- vacy. The Ladies here, I krjovu, have both hope and purpofe to make a Collegiate and Servant of you. If I might be fo honoured, as to appear at any end of fo noble a Work, I would enter into a fame of taking Phyfick to MorroWy^ and continue it four or five Days, or longer, for your Vifitation. Mavis. By my faith, a fubtle one ! Call you this a Riddle J What's their Plain-dealing, trow? Dau, We lack True-wit ^ to tell us that. Cle. We lack him for fomewhat elfe too: H/s Knights Reformadoes are wound up as high and infolent as ever they v^ere. Dau- You i'ft. Cle. No Drunkards, either with Wine or Vanity, ever confefs'd fuch Stories of themfelves. I would not give a Flies Leg in balance againft all the Wo- mens Reputations here, if they could be but thought to {peak truth: And for the Bride, they have made their Affidavit againft her diredly ■ Dau. What, they have lain with her ? Cle. Yesj and tell Times, and Circumftances, with the Caufe why, and the Place where. I had al- moft brought 'em to affirm, that they had done it to. Bay. Dau. Not both of *em ? Cle. Yes faitfej with a footh or two or more I had effefted it. They would ha' fet it down under thcif Hands. 4 Dat4^ m E P I C OE N E : Or, Da». Why, they will be our Sport, I £ee, ftill whe- ther we will or no. SCENE III. True-wit, Mcrofe, Otter, Cutberd, CUrimdnt, Dauphlne, Tri4. O are you here ? Come, Dauphine j go call your Uncle prefently : I have fitted my Divine and ray Canonift, dyed their Beards and all. The Knaves do not know themfelves, they are fo exalted and al- ter'd. Preferment changes any Man, Thou flaalt keep one Door, and 1 another, and then Clerimont in- the midft, that he may have no means of efcape from their Cavilling, when they grow hot once. And then the Women (a5 I have given the Bride her Inftrudi- om) to break m upon him i' the I'envoy. O, 'twill be full and twanging! Away, fetch him. Come, Ma- iler Doftor, and Mafter Paxfon, look to your Parts- now, and difcharge 'em bravely j you are well feS forth, perform it as well. If you chance to be out, do not confefs it with flanding flill, or hiunming, or gaping one at another j but go on, and talk aloud, and eagerly; ufe vehement Aftion, and only remember your Terms, and you are fafe. Let the Matter go where it will; you have many will do fo. But at fiift be very folemn and grave, like your Garments, the* you lofe your felves after, and skip oat like a brace of Jugglers on a Table. Here he comes : Set your Faces,, and look fupercilloufly, while 1 prefent you. ^dor. Are thefe the two Learned Men. Tru. Yes, Sir; pleafe you falute 'em? Mor. Salute 'cm J I had rather do any thing, than wear out Time fo unfruitfully, Sir. I wonder how thefe common Forms, as God fave you, and You are welcome, are come to be a Habit in our Lives! or, 1 am- glad to fe£ you/ When I cannot fee what the Profit can be of thefe Words, fo long as it is no whit better with him, whofe Affairs are fad and grievous, that he hears this Salutation. Tru. 'Tis true, Sir; we'll go to the matter then. Gentlemen, Mafter Doftor, and Mafter Parfon, I have The Sii^ENT Woman. Sp^ have acquainted you fufHciently with the Eufinefs for which you are come hither ; and you are not now to inform your felves in the State of the Qucftion, I know. This is the Gentleman who expeds your Refolution, ?nd therefore when you pleafe, begin. Ot't. PleaTe you, Maftsr Doftor. Cttt, pleafe you, good Mailer Parfon. Ott. 1 would hear the Canon-law fpcak firfl:. Cut. It muft give place to pofirive Divinity, Sir. Mor, Nay, good Gentlemen, do not throw me inta Circumftances. Let your Comforts arrive quickly at me, thofe that are. Be fwift m affording ire my Peace, if (o I fhall hope any. 1 love not your Dif- putaiions, or your Court-tumults. And that it be not ft range to you, I will tell you. My Father, in my Education, was wont to advife me, that I fhould al- ways colleft and contain my Mind, not fuJfFering it to flow loofely j that I fhould look to what things were neceflary to the Carriage of my Life, and what not, embracing the one, and ekhewing the other: In fhort, that I fhould endear my fclf to reft, and avoid tur- moil j which nov/ is grown to be another Nature to me. So th?t I come not to your publick Pleadiiigs, or your Places of Noife ; not that I negle<^ thofe things, that make for the Dignity of the Common- wealth; but for the meer avoiding of Clamours, and Impcrtinen- cies of Orators, that knov/ not how to be filent. And for the Caufe of Noife, am I now a Suitor to you. You do not know in what a mifery I have been ex- crcis'd this day, what a torrent of Evil! My very Houfc turns round with the Tumult ! I dwell in a Wind-mill! The perpetual Motion is here, and not at Eltham, Tru. Well, good Malter Doftor, will you breakthe Ice ? Mafter Parfon will wade after. Cut. Sir, tho' unworthy, and the weaker, I will prefume. Ott. 'Tis no Prefumption, Dom'me Doftor. Mor. Yet again ! Cut, Your Queftion is. For how many Caufes a Man may have Dhfrt'mm leghimum, a lawful Divorce. Eirft, po E P I C OE N E : Or, Firft, you muft underftand the Nature oftheWOrdD/i vorce, a divert en dendo - Alor. No ''xcurfions upon Words, good Doftor ; to the Qjeftivon briefly. Cut. 1 anfwer then, The Canon-Law aflfords Di- vorce but in few Cifesj and the Piincipil is in the common Cafe, the Adulterous Cafe: Bu: there are duodecim impedimenta^ twelve Impediments (as we call '»m) all which do not dirimere contra5ium, but irritum reddere matrimon'mm, ajs we fay in the Ca- non- L.iw; not take aw a'^ the Bond, hut caufe a Nulli- ty therein. Mor, I underftood you before : Good Sir, avoid your Impertinency of Tr.\nflation. Ott. He cannot open this too much, Sir, by your favour. Mor. Yet more ! Tru. O, you mufl give the Learned Men leave. Sir To your Impediments, Matter Dcftnt'. Cut. The firfl is impedimentum erroris. Ott. Of which there arc feveral Species. Cut. I, as error perfensL. Ott. If thou contract your felf to one Ptrfoii, think- ing her another. Ci*t. Then, error fortune Ott. If fhe be a Beggar, and you thought her rich.' Cut. Then, error cjualitatis. Ott. If fhe prove ftubborn or head-ftrong, that you thought obedient. Mor. How ? Is that. Sir, a lawful Impediment J One at once, I pray you. Gentlemen. Ott. I, ante copulam, hux. not pofi copulam. Sir. Cut. Mafter Parfon fays right. Nee pofi nuptiarum henedidiionem. It doth indeed but irrita reddere fponfa' lia, annul the Contraft j after Marriage it is of no ob- ftancy. Tru. Alas, Sir, what a Hope are we fall'n from by this time ! Cut. The next is Conditio: If thou thought her free- born, and fhe prove a Bond-woman, there is Impe- diment of Eftat€ and Condition. Ott^ 1'he S I L E N T- W OMAN. ^I ott. I, bur, Maftcr Doftor, thofc Servitudes arc jublatA now, among us Chriftians. Cut. By your favour, Mafter Parfon Ott. You fhall give me leave, Mafter Doctor. Mor. Nay, Gentlemen, quarrel not in that Quefti- on i it concerns not my Cafe : Pafs to the third. CHt. Well then, the i^^ud h 'votum : If cither Par- ty have made a Vow of Chaftity. But that Praftice, as Matter Parfon faid of the other, is taken away a- mong us, thanks be to Difcipline. The fourth \s cog- natio; if the Perfonsbe of Kin witbin the Degrees. Ott. I : Do you know what th^ Degrees are. Sir? Mor. No, nor I care not. Sir 5 they offer me no Comfort in the Queftion, I am fure. Cut. Bat there is a Branch of this Impedimentmay, which is cognat'io fpiritualis : If you were her God-fa- ther, Sir, then the Marriage is inceftuous. Ott. That Comment is abfurd, and fuperftitiouc Maftcr Do^or : I cannot endure it. Are we not all Brothers and Sifters, and as much a Kin in that, as God-fathers and God-daughters. Mor. O me I To end the Controverfie, I never was a Gid-father, I never was a God-father in my life, Sir* Pafs to the next. Cut. The fifth is crimen adulterii-j the known Cafe.' The fixth cultfts difparltaSf difference of Religion : Have you ever eximin'd her, what Religion fhe is of ^ ^Ur. No, I would rather ftie were of none, than be put to the trouble of it. Ott^ You may have it done for you. Sir. Mor. By no means, good Sir 5 on to the reft : Shall yoii ever come to an end, think you ? Tru. Yes, he has done half. Sir. (On to the reft.) Be patient, and exped. Sir. Cut. The feventhis, x;;-?:. ifit were upon compulfion 01* force. Mor. O no, it was too voluntary^ mine, too vo- Uinrary. Cut. The eighth is, ordo., if ever fhe have taken Holy Orders. Ott, That's fuperftitious too. Mor»^ S>i E P I C OE N E : Or, Mcr, No Matter, Maftsr Parfon j would fhc 'r. (O, this was it I fear'd.) Ott. In Attrtitimy Sir. Cut. That's falfe in Divinity, by your favour. Ort. 'Tis falfe in Humanity, to fay h. Is he not prorfus inutilis ad thorum ? Can he prafiare fidem da- .tam? 1 would fain know. Cut. Yes; how if he do convalere ? Ott. Ke cannot convalere, it is impcflible. Tru. Nay, good Sir, attend the Learned iMen ; they'll -think you negle£l 'em elfe. Cut. Or, if he do finiulare himfelf frigidum, odio uxoris, or fo ? Ott, I fay, he is adulter manifeflus then. J)au. (They difpute it very learnedly, i' f^irhj Ott. And projlitutor i^xoris 5 and this is pofitive. Mor. Good Sir, let me efcipe. Tru. You will not do mc that wrong, Sir ? Ott, And therefore if he be manifejie frlg'tduSySlv, Cut. I, if he be manifefte frigidus, I grant you— — Ott. Why, that was my Canclufion. Cut. Vi EPICOENE.- Or, Cut. And mine too. Tru. Nay, hear the Conclufion^ Sir. Ott. Thtn frigiditatis caufa Cut. Yes, caufa frigid it at IS -^-^ Mor. O, mine Ears 1 Ott. She may have libellum divortii agafnftyou. Cut, I, divortii libellum fhe will fure have. J^or. Good Echoes, forbear. Ott. IFyou confefs it — — . Cut, Which I would do, Sir Mcr. 1 will do any thing Ott. And clear my felf in/^r' CM/.^Becaufe you want indeed — — Mor. Yet more > Ott, Emrcendi potefiate. SCENE IV. Epicxne, Morofe, Haughty y Centaure, Mavis, Mrs. 0/s- ter, BAWy True-wit, Dauphine, Clerimont, La- look. Otter, Cutberd. Epi. I will not endure it any longer. Ladies, I befeech you help me. This is fucha Wrong as never was ofFer'd to poor Bride before : upon her Marriage- day to have her Husband confpire againft her, and a couple of mercenary Companions to be brought in for Forms fake, to perfwade a Separation ! If you had Blood or Vertue in you, Gentlemen, you would not fufFer fuch Earwigs about a Husband, or Scorpions to creep between Man and Wife^ Mor. O the Variety and Changes of my Tor- ment I Hau. Let 'em be cudgelled out of Doors by our Grooms. Cen, rll lend you my Footman. Mav. We'll have our Men Blanket them i* the Hall. Mrs. Ott. As there was one at our Houfe, Madam, for peeping in at the Door. Daw. Content, i' faith. Iru. Stay, Ladies and Gentlemen j you'll hear be- fore ycu proceed ? Mav. Th S I L E N T W O M A N. S>f 'lilav, I'll ha* the Bridegroom blanketed too. Cen. Begin with him fiilt, Ba.H. Yes, by my troth. Mor, O, Mankind Generation! J)au. Ladies, for my fake forbear. Ban. Yes, for Sir Dattphine's fake. Cen, He fhall command us, La-¥. He is as fine a Gentleman of his Inches, Madam, as any is about the Town, and wears as good Colours when he lifts. Tru. Be brief, Sir, and confefs your Infirmityj fhe'Il be a lire to be quit of ycu, i^ fhe but hear that nam 'd once, you fh!fll not entreat her to flay jfhe'll fliy you like one that had the Marks upon him. Mor. Ladies, 1 mufl crave all your Pardons ••— Tru. Silence, Ladies. Mor. For a Wrong I have done to your whole Sex, in marrying this fair and vertuous Gentlewoman.—- Cle. Hear him, good Ladies. Mor. Being guilty of an Infirmity, which before I conferr'd with thefe Learned Men, I thought I might have conceal'd Tru. But now beiog better inform'd in his Confci- ence by them, he is to declare ic, and give Satisfaction, by asking your publick Forgivcnefs. Mor. 1 am no Man, Ladies. All. How! Mor. Utterly unabled in Nature, by reafon oi frlgi- dity, to perform the Duties, or any tke leafl Office of a Husband. Mav. Now out upon him, prodigious Creature ! Cen. Bridegroom uncarnate ! Hau. And would you offer it to a young Gentle- woman ? Mrs. Ott, A Lady of her Longings > Epi. Tut, a Device, a Device, this; it fmells -rank- ly. Ladies. A meer Comment of his own. Tru. Why, if ycu fufped that. Ladies, you may have him fearch'd. I Daw. As the Cuftom is, by a Jury of Phyficians. La-F Yesf\ith, 'twill be brave. Mcr. O me, muft I undergo that? Mrs, 96 E P I C OE N E : Or, Mrs Ott, No, let Women fcarch him, Madam j we can do it our felvcs. jSdor. Out on me, worfe ! Ep. No, Ladies, you ftiall not need, I'll take him with all his Fault?, Mor. Word of all ! Cle. Why, then, 'tis no Divorce, Dodor, if Ihe confent not ? Cut. No, ii the Man be frigidm, it ij de parte uxorts^ that we grant libellum divortii, in the Law. Ott. 1, it is the fame in T^gi?/^^y. Mor. Worfe, worfc than worft I Tru. Nay, Sir, be not utterly difheartned ; we have yet a fmallRelick of Hope left, as near as our Coi..- fort is blown our. Clermont, produce your Brace of Knights. What was that, MafterParfon, you told me in errore qualitatis, e*en now? Daupb'me, whifper the Bfide, that fhe carry it as if ftie were guilty and a- fliam'd. Ott. Marry Sir, in errcre qualitatis (which Matter Bailor did forbear to urge) if fhe be found corrupt a, that is, vitiated or broken up, that was pro virgine defponfa, efpous'd for a Maid-— - Mor. What then. Sir? Ott. It doth dirimere contractum, and irritum red- dere to©. Tru» If this be true, we are happy again. Sir, once more. Here are an honourable brace of Knights that fhall affirm fo much. jyaw. Pardon us, good Mafter Clerimont, La-F. You fhall excufe us, Mr. Clerimont Cle. Nay, you muft mak-e it good now. Knights; there is no Remedy : I'll eat no words for you, nor no Men : You know you fpoke it to me ? Daiv. Is this Gentleman-like, Sir ? Tru. '^ackDaw, he* s wov fe ihzn Sir Amcrous ; fier- cer a great deal. Sir Amorous, beware, there be ten Daws in this Clerimont. La-F. I'll confefs it, Sir. Daw. Will you. Sir Amorous ? Will yoa wound Rc-j patf.tion ? La-F, I am refolv'd* Xr* The SiLENT-WoMAKF. pj Tru. So fliould you be too, '^ack Dazv : What fhould keep you ofF? She is but a Womanj and in difgracc. He'll be glad on't. paw. Will he J I thought he would ha* been angry, Ck, You will difpatch, Knights ; it muft be done^ I'faith. Tru. Why, an' it muft, it fhall. Sir, they fay. They'll. ne'er go back. Do not tempt his Patience. Daw. It is true indeed. Sir. La-F. Yes, I afTure you. Sir. Mor. What is true, Gentlemen ? what do you afTure- me ? Daw. That we have known your Bride, Sir — £4-F. In goodfafhion. She was our Miftris, or fo^ Cle. Nay, you muft be plain. Knights, as you wer^ to me. Ott. T, the Qiieftion is, if you have Carnalher, or no J. La-F. Carnaliter. What elfe. Sir J Ott. It is enough ; a plain Nullity. Epi. I am undone, I am undone ! Mor. O let me worfhip and adore you. Gentlemen t Epi. I am undone ! Mor. Yes, tvO my hand, I thank thefe Knights. Maftec; Parfon, let me thank you otherwile. Cen. And ha' tliey confefs'd ? Mav. Now out upon 'em. Informers! Tru. You fee what Creatures you may beftow your Favours on. Madams. Hatf. I would except againft *emas beaten KnlghtS:,, Wench, and not good WitnefTes in Law. Mrs. Oti. Poor Gentlewoman, how fhe takes it! Hau. Be comforted, Morofe, I love you the better for't..' Cen. So do I, I proteft. Cut, But Gentlemen, you have not known her fince- Mairirnonium ? Davj. Not to Day, Mafter Doctor. La-F. No, Sir, not to Day. Cut. Why, then, I fay. For any A£i before, the' Matrimonium is good and pcrfedf j unlefs the Wor- fliipful Bridegroom did precifely, before Witnefs, de- mand, if fHe were Vir^o ante nuptias^. £- Ep. 5)8 E P I C OE N E : 0^, £pi. No, that he did not, lafliire you. Matter Doftor. CuL If he cannot prove that, it is ratum conjugium, notwithftandin^ thePremiflTesj and they do no wayiw* fsdire. And this is my Sentence, this I pronounce. 0:t, lam of Mafter Boftor's Refolution too. Sir 5 if you made not that Demand ante nuptias. Mor. O my Heart ! wilt thou break ? wilt thou break ? This IS worft of all worft worfts that Hell could have devis'd ! marry a Whore! and To much noife! Dau, Come, 1 fee noyj plain Confederacy in this Doftor and this Parfon, to abufe a Gentleman. You. ftudy his Affli^ion. I pray be gone. Companions. And Gentlemen, 1 begin to fufped you, for having ^arts with *em. Sir, v.ill it pleafe you hear me \ Mor. O, do not talk to me ; take not from me the pleafure of dying in filence. Nephew. Dau. Sir, I niuft fpeak to you. I have been long your poor derpis'dKinrman,and many a hard Thought has irengthnedyou againft mc : but now it fhall appear if either 1 love you or your Peace, and prefer them to all the World befide. I will not be long or grievous to- vou. Sir. If I free you of this unhappy Match abfo- litely, and inftantly, after all this trouble, and almoft in your defpair, now Mor. (It cannot be) Dau. Sir, that you be never troubled with a mur- mur of it more, what fhall I hope for, or deferve oF you 't Mor. O, what thou wilt. Nephew ! Thou fhalt de- serve me, and have me. Dau. Shall I have your Favour perfeft^ to me, and Love hereafter I Mor. That, and any Thing befide. Make thine own Conc^i(ions., My whole Eftate is thine j. manage it,. I will become thy Ward. Dau. Nay, Sir, 1 will not be fo unreafonable., Epi. Will Sir Daiiphine be mine Enemy too? Dau. You know 1 have been long a Suitor to youi- ^^Tncle, that oat of ^our Eft'ate, which is Fifteen Hund- -ied a Year, you would, allow, me kiut Five Hundred during: li T'Bs S 1 L B K T- W O M k K. 99> dvtr'itig Life, ind afliire the reft upon me after ; to which 1 hare often, by my fclf and my Friends, tcndred you a Writing to Sign, which you would never con(enc or incline to. If you pleafe but to effeft it now — — Mor^ Thou flialt have it. Nephew i I will do it, and more. Dau, If I quit you not prefently, and for ever of this Cumber, you fhall have Power inftantly, afore all thefe, to revoke your Ad, and I will become whofe Slave you will £»ive me to, for ever. Mor. Where is the Writing? I will Seal to it, that>- er to a Blank, and write thine own Conditions. Epi. O me, mofk unfortunate wretched Gentlewo* man* Jiau, Will Sir Dauphine do this > Epi. Good Sir, have fome CompafHon oii me. Mcr, O, my Nephew knows you be likcj away^, Crffcodile, Ctn. He does it not fure withoot good Ground. Bau, Here, Sir. Mor, Come, Nephew, give me the Pen; I will Tub- fcribe to any thing, and Seal to what thou wilt, for my Deliverance. Thou art my Reftorer. Here I de- liver it thee as my Deed. If there be a Word in it lacking, or Writ with falfe Orthography, I proteft be» fore- I will not take the Advantage. . rr T)au. Then here \i your Releafe, Sir ^e takes Off ^^^ ^^^^ married a Boy, a Gentleman's t,piccEne s g^j^^ jj^j^ J j^^^g brought up this half Year, Perm e^ ^^ ^^ ^^^^^ Charges, and for this Com- pofition, which I have now made with you. What fay you, Mafter Doftor } This is jufiutn ImpedmentHTn^ I. hope, error perfon&. Ott. Yes, Sir, in pr'tnto gradu. Cut. In prtm9 gradu. Dan. 1 thank you, good Doftor Cut- He pulls »f herd, and Parfon Otter. You are behoU their Beards den to 'em. Sir, that have taken this in Difguife,. pains for you i and my Friend Mafter True-wit, who- enabled 'cm for the Bufinefs, Now you may go in and 100 EPICOENE: Or, reft, be as private as you will. Sir. 1*11 not trouble you, till you trouble me with your Funeral, which I care not how foon it come. Cuthrd, I'll make your Leafe good. Thank me not, but with your Leg, C«N herd. And Tom Otter, your Princefs fhall be reconcil'd to you. How now. Gentlemen ! do you look at me I Cle. A Boy ! JDau. Yes, Miftris Eptcoene. Tru. Well, Bauphine, you have lurch'd your Friends of the better half of the Garland, by concealing this part of the Plot : But much good do it thee, thou deferv'ft it. Lad. And Cleritnont, for thy unexpeded bringing thefe two to Confeffion, wear my Part of it freely. Nay, Sir Daw, and Sir La-Foole, you fee the Gentler woman that has done you the Favours 1 We are all thankful to you, and fo fhould the Woman-kind here, fpecially for lying on her, tho'not with her ! You meant fo, I am fure. But that we have ftuck it upon you t9 day, in your own imagin'd Perfons, and fo lately, this Amazon, the Champion of the Sex, fhould beat you now thriftily, for the common Slanders which La- dies receive from fuch Cuckows as you are. You are they, that when no merit of Fortune can make you hope to enjoy their Bodies, will yet lye with their Ke- putations, and make their Fame fuffer. Away, you common Moths of thefe, and all Ladies Honours. Go, travel to make Legs and Faces, and come home with fome nevir Matter to be laught at 5 you deferve to live in an Air as corrupted as that wherewith you feed Rumor. Madams, you are mute, upon this new Me- tamorphofisl But here ftands fhe that has vindicated your Tames, Take heed of fuch infe^U hereafter. And let it not trouble you, that you have difcovei'd any Myf* teries to this young Gentleman : He is (^a' mofl) of Years, and will make a good vifitant within this Twelve- •anonth. In the mean time, we'll all undertake for liis Secrecy, that can fpeak fo well of his Silence. Speda* tors, if you like this C(?we^3', rife chearfiiily, and now Moroje is gone in, clap your Hands. It may be,, that KoiTe will cure him, at leaft pleafe himo THE E N^ D, A True and Exad CATALOGUE Of all the PLAYS And other Dramatick Pieces^ That were ever yet Printed in the English Tongue, In ALPHABETICAL Order: Continu'd down to j^pril 1731. LONDON: rinted for W. F eal e s, at Rowers Head over-againft Clemefft*S'lnii Gue* 1732. [Price 6d.] Where ma^ be bad Variety rfPl^ys. [33 A True and Exa£fc CATALOGUE Of all the PLAYS And other Dramatiek Pieces that were ever yet Printed in the Engli/b Tongue,, in Alphabetical Order: Continued do wa to jipril 173 a. N, B, thofe Plays thai have this Mark * are A^mg^ Plays : Thofe with C. Jiand for Comedy, T. for Tragedy, T.C. for Tragi-Gomedy, O. for Opera^ and F. for Farce. A, ABDELAZAR, OP the Maoris Re- venge, T, Abdicated Prince, or Adven- tures of four Years, T. C. jibraham's Sacrifice. * Abramnle, or Love and Em- pire, T. ^ehUles, or IphigenU p» yiti- lis, T. jicis and GaUfeaj 0# Ac4>lttlim, C. ♦ Art 8tOj»/W, C. ABaan ^ind Dtam, Interlude^- AdmetHs, O. Adelphi from Jireneet C. Adiiphii C from Tkreme, Adrajliti or the Woman^l Spleen and Lore's Coo- queft, T. C. Adventiires at Madrid, C. * Adventures of five Hours^ T.C. Adventuresof half an Hour, F, A-^ ^ Mot [4] • ^fdp. See Ifop. Aff aed LadicSf C. ^gamemnorjf T. ^Uura, T. C. ,^gKes de Caftro, T. , jf^rippa King of AlSa, or the faife Tiberinus, T. C. Agrippim Emprefs of Romrj T. ^jax, from the Creek of S*?- phocles. Alaham, T. Alarum for LonJotf, C. AlarbaSi O. Alarum for London ^ or the Siege of Antwerp, T. C. Albertui IVallenJlem, T. Albion, Interlude. Albm*s Tiiumph, Mafque. w4/^w>a and Albanus» O. * ^/3/o» Queens, T. Albouin King of the I<>w- ^/»r^j, T. Album azar, C. jAlcamenes and Menalippa, T. Alexander. T. from the Fr^^/T^. * Alchimift, C. Alcibiades, T. Alexander and Campafpe, T. C. Alexandrian Tragedy, T. All be Devili'd, F. All Fools, C. All for the Better, or the in- fallible Cure, C. * All for Love, or the World well loft, T. All miftaken, or t^e mad Couple, C. All for Money, C. All's loft by Luft. All's well that ends well, C Almahidey O. Almyna,ot the Arabian Vow, T. Alphonfus Emperor of Get- many, T. Alphorifm King of Arrdgon] Alphonfo King of Naplest T, Alt emir a. Amalazonta, T. Amazon Queen, or the A- mours of Thaleftris with Alexander the Great, T. C. Amadisy Italian O. Ambitious Slave, or gene"- rous Revenge, T. Ambitious Statcfman, C Amelia, O, Amadis, O. * Ambitious Stepmother^ T^ * Amboyna, T. C. Amends for Ladies, C. Amorous Bigot, with thefe- cond Part of Teague O Di- velly, C. Amorous Gallant, or Love in Fafhion, C. Amorous Phantafm, T. C. Amorous Mifer, or the Younger the Wifer, C* Amorous old Woman, or *tis well if it take, C. Amorous Orentes. Amorous Prince, or curious Huibahd, T. C Amorous War, T. C. * Amorous Widow, or the wanton Wife, C. Amorous Quarrel, C, Amphitrion, C. from Moliere' Am I is] AhifBtylon from Tlautus: * jfmfhitrion, or the two So- fia's, C. Amptck from Taf[oi Paftoral. Amyntusi Paftoral. * AmyntAs, Paftoral. Amyntnst or the impofliblc Dowry, Paftoral. * Anatomift, or the Sham Doaor, C. Andria from Termce, C, Ditto, C. Ditto, C. Andromache, T. Andromana, or the Merchant's Wife, T. * Andronicus, T. * Andronicui Commenius, T. * Ama BkUen, See Virtue betray *d. Anthony and Cleopatra, T. * Anthony and Cleopatra, T. Antigone the Theban Princefs, T. Antiochus the Great, or the fatal Relapfe, T. Antiochus, T. Antiochm, O, Antonius or the Tragedy of Mark Anthony, T. Antonia and MoUdOi two Parts. T. Antipodes, C Antiquary, C.' Any thing for a quiet Life, C Apocryphal Ladies, C. Apparition, or Sham Wed- ding, C. * Artifice, C * Mmm Co£(^e-houfe, C* Appius iXid VirgioUj T*" Appius and Virginia, T, Apolb Shroving, C Apoth and Daphne, Maftjaci Arcadia, Paftoral. Arden of Feverjljam, T. Argalus and Parthenia, T. C Ariadne, or the Marriage o£ Bacchus, O. AriftippHs, or the Jovial Phi-' lofophcr, T. C. Ariftomenes, or the Royal Shepherd, T. Arminitts, O. Arraignment of P4r«, fup^ pofcd to 6e wrote by Shakt^ /pear, Arjaces, O. Artaxerxes; Oi * Artful Husband, C Artful Wife, C Arthur, T. Arviragus and "Bhillicia, id two Parts, T. C' Arfime Queen s of Cyprus, O,' As you like it, C. As you find it, C, * Afllgnation, or Love in a Nunnery, C. AJlr^a, or true Love's Mir* ror, Paftoral Athaliah, T. * Atheift, or thefecondPart of the Soldier's FortuoCiC Atheift's Tragedy, T Athelwold, T. * AtirengMbe, or the Gwat Mogul, T. Author's Farce. kx "Stuth^i [6] B. JBacchm and Ariadne, O. Ball, C. Band, Ruff and Cuff, Inter- lude. Banditti, or a Lady*5 Diftrefs, C. BaniftiM Duke, or the Hifto- ry of Unforiunatus, d * Bartholomew Fair, C. Bafhful Lover, C. Baniful Lovers, T. C. * Baflet Table, C. Baftard, T. ^ath, or the Weftern Lafs,C. ^ath Unmask'd, C. Battle of Alcazar, T. Battle of SeJ^moor, T. Bayi*s Opera. * Beau Merchanf, C. Beauty's Triumph, C. Besuty in Diftrefs, T. Beau defeated, or the lucky younger Brother, C. Beau in the Suds, O. * Beaux Duel, or a Soldier for the Ladies, C. * Beaux Stratagem, C. * Beggar's Buih, C. Beggar's Opera. Begt^ar's Wedding, O. Bell in Campo, T. Bellamira, or the Miftrefs,C. Bellamira her Dreams> in 2 Parts, T. Bellifarius, T. Belphegor, or the Marriage of the Devil, C. * Benefice, C. Bickerflaff*s Byry ing, or Work for the Upholders, F. Bird in a Cage, C. Birth of Merlin, C. * Biter, C. Black Prince. Blazing World, C. Blind Beggar of Alexandria't C. Blind Beggar of Bednal-Green, C. Blind Lady, C. Bloody Banquet. Bloody Brother, or Ro//oDuke oi Normandy, T, Bloody Duke, or the Adven- tures for a Crown, T. C. Blurt, Mr. Conftable, or the Spanijh Night- Walk. * Boadicea Queen of Britain, T. * Boarding School. See Love for Money. * Bold Stroke for a Wife, C. * Bondman, C. Bonduca, T^ Bragadocio, or the Bawd turnM Puritan, C. Brazen Age. Brenoralt, or the difcontented Colonel, T. Bridals, C. Bride, C. Britannia Triumphans, Mafque^ Britannicus and Alexander. * Britijh Enchanters, or no Magick like Love, O, Briton, T. Broken Heart, T« Broken Stock-jobbers, C. Brothers, C. Brothers [7l Brotbers from Tertnce, C. Brutus of yllhn, or Augujluh Triumph, O. Brutus of Alb Ay O. Brutus, T. * £«ry Fair, C. * Bufie Body, C. Bufsls, T. Bujfy ti^Amboys^s Tragedy, T. Bujfy d'Amboys^s Revenge, T. Buffy d'AmboySy or the Hus- band's Revenge, T» Byron'% Confpiracy, T. Byron's Tragedy. C. Capricious Lovers, C, "^Cdlum Britamicum,0. * Cafar Borgia, T. Cifar and Fompeyt T, Cafur's Revenge, T. Cifar in Egypt, T. "* CatMs MariuSy T. Calijlo, cr the chafte Nymph, 1 Mafque. C(illgtil(i Emperor of Rome, T. Callypfo and Tekmachus, O. * Cambyfes King cf P^r/Ad, T. C. Cambyfes King of Per/?^, T. * Camilla, Italian O. * Campaigners, or pleafan^ Adventures at £r«/«/j, C. Canterbury Giiefls, or a Bar- gain broken, C. Caprain, C. Captives, T. pardinal, T. * Carelefs Husband, C. Carelefs Lovers, C. Carelefs Shephcrdefs. Cares of Love, C. Carnival, C. Cartouch, F. Cafe is alter'd, C. Cajfandra, or Virgin Prophc- tefs, O. * Catiline's Confpiracy, T. * Cato, T. Cato of Utica,(Tom \ht Trench Chabbot, Admiral of France^ T. Challenge at Tilt, Mafque. * Challenge for Beauty, T. C. Chambermaid, O. Chances, C. * Chances alter'd by the Duke o{ Buckingham, C. Changes, or Love in a Maze,. C. Changling, T. Charles the Eighth of France^ or the Invasion of Napkt by the Trench, T. Chafte Maid in Cheapjide, C, Cheats, C. "^ Cheats of Scapirtt F.. che/hire Comics. Chir Chat, C. chimera, F. C.^rift's Paffion, T. Ghiiftian turn'd Turk, T. Chriftmay, Mafque. Chriftmas Ordinary. Cicilia and Cloriada, or Love in Arms, in z Parts, T. C» I Cid, T. C. Cid, or the Hcroick Daugh- ter, T. ' ^ A 4 Cimti's £ 8 J Cw«<»'s Confpiracy, T. Cynthia and Emlimion, or Loves of the Deities, O. Circe; O. Citherea, or the enamouring Girdle, C. City Bride, or the merry Cuckold, C. * City Heirefs, or Sir Timo- thy Treat-aUi C. City Lady, or Folly reclaimed, C. City Madam, C. City Match, C. City Night-Cap, T. C, * City Politicks, C. * City Ramble, or the Play- houfe Wedding, C. City Wit, C Ciciaen turned Gentleman, C. CUricella, T. C. chart esy O. * Ckoments the Spartan He- ro, T. Cleopatra Daniel, T. Cleopatra Queen of 'Egypt t T. Claridia, or Rites to Clorii, Mafque. Clotildoi Oi Cloud?, C. CI uds. ■* Cobler of Treflon, F. * Cobler of Vrefion, V\ Cob]er*s Opera. Coblcr's Prophefy, C« Cola$ Fury, ot Lyrinda^yii- fery. T. Combaf of Caps, Mafque. Combat of Love and Friend (hip. C. Comedy of Errors, . Comical Gallantj with' the Humours of Sir John FaU Pfe, C. Comical Hafli, C. Comical Lovers, C. Comical Revenge, or Love in a Tub, C. * Committee, C. Committee Man curried, in 2 Parts, C. Commons Conditions, C. Commonweakh of Women, T. C. Compromife, C. * Confederacy, C. * Confederates, Conflid of Confcience, Pa^ toral. Conqucft of China by the Tartars, T. "*^ Conqucft of Granada, ia 2 Parts, T. Con qu eft of Spain, T. Conlcientious Lovers, C. Confcious Lovers, C. Confpiracy, T. Confpiracy, or the Change of Government, T. * Conftant Couple, or the Trip to the Jubilee, C. Conjlantine the Great, T. Conftant Maid, or Love wiU find out the Way, C. Conftant Nymph, or Ramb- ling Shepherd, Paftoral. Contented Cuckold, or the Woman's Advocate, C. Contention between YorkdXi^ Lar/cajier, x Parts, T. Contention for Honour and Riches, Mafque, Coihi [ Contention ofJjax and Ulyf- fes for Achilles's Armour, Mafque. Contrivances, O. ♦Contrivances,or, More Ways than One, F. Convent of Pleafurc, C. * The Coquet, or, The Eng- lijh Chevalier, C. * Cor'ioUnus, T. CortoUnusy O. Corntfh Comedf. Coronation, T.C. Coronation of Queen "EUsla- bethf or. The Reftoration of the Proteftant Religion, and the Downfal of the Pope. Coftly Whore, C. Covent-G ardent C. Cavent Garden Weeded. Counterfeit Bridegroom, or, The Defeated Widow, C. * Counterfeits, C. Countefs oi Efcar basnet, from Moliere. Country Captain, C. Country Girl, C. ♦Country Houfe, F. Country Innocence, or, The Chamber-maid turn'd Qua- ker, C. * Country LafTes, or. The Cuftom of the Manor, C. ♦Country Wake, C. * Country Wife, C. * Country Wit, C. Courageous Turk, or uimH- r;if^ the Firft, T. Court Beggar, C. Court Secret, T.C. Courtfliip A-la-mode, C. 9] Courtney Eirl of Devonfinrt\ Coxcomb, C. Craftsman, F. Crifpus, O. Crcefust V, Crosfus, O. Cromwell, (Lord Thomas) hxi Life and Death. Cromwell's Confpiracy.T.C. Cruel Brother, T. Cruel Debtor. Cruel Gift, or the Royal Re- fentmenr, T. Cruelty of the Spaniards in Peru. Cuckold's Haven, or. An AU derman no Conjurer, F, Cunning Lovers, C. Cunning Woman, C. Ctipid and Death, Mafque, Cupid's Revenge, T. Cupid's Whirligig, C- Cure for a Cuckold, C. Cure for Jealoufy, C. Cuftom of the Country, T.C; Cutter oi Coleman-ftreett C. *Cymbelin9, T. Cynthia's Revels, or, The Fountain of Self- Love, Ci Cynthia's Revenge, T; Cyrus, O. Cyrui King Verjiay T, * Cyrus the Great, T^ Czar of Muftovy^ T. a Cun^ Dame Bobfon, or the ning Woman, C. Damoyfelle, C. Damoyfelles a la mode^ C. Damon and Pythias, JDami^ [ 10] JD0m. lyamffn and VhHlida, O. Darius^ O. Variuf, Interlude. "^Darius King ofPerfia. David and Bathfhe^n, their Love^ with the Tragedy o^ Abjalom. Death of Achilles, T. Deatk of Brutus. Death of Diih, a Mafque. Debauchee, or the Credulous Cuckold. Deceiver deceived, C. Decius and Paulina, O, Dead Man's Wedding, F. Beorum Dornt^ Mafque. Degenerate Brother, T. Deferving Favourite, T. C. ♦DeftruSion oi yemfalemby Ttttii VefpafioTfy imV ait9, T. Dcftrudion of Troy^ T. Devirs an Afs, C Devil's Charter, T. pevii*s Law-Caf^, or, When the Women go to Law, the Devil is full of Bufinefs, T.C. *^Devil in the Wine-Ccllar. See Walking Statue, f Devil of a Wife, or, The comical Transformation, Farce. Devil to Pay, O. Dick Scorner. Dido and JEmiiy Mafque. Dido Queen of Carihage, T. Diona, a Paftoral. Different Widow,or Intrigue a-U-mode, C. Difappointment, or, Mother in Falhioo.^ Difobcdtent Chil^. Difcontented Colonel, T. * Diffembled Wanton, C. Diftraded State, T. Diflreires, T. G. Diftrefs'd Innocence, T. * Diftrcfl Mother. Divine Comedian, or, The right Ufe of Plays, T.C. Divine Mafque. Doating Lovers, C. Doftor Dodipfile, C. Doell,K.\r\g ofS»e- den, and Ca:dinal Maz,^- riney T. * Henry II. with the Death of Rcfamond, T. Henry III. of France ftabb'd by. a Fria*-, with the Fall of the Guifes, T. * Henry IV. in two Part*, the firft containing the Life of Henry Viercy, lir named Hot/pur, and the comical Hiftory of Sir f. Falfiafe-y the fccond containing ihe Dcarh of this King, and Coronation of bis Succef- for. "* Henry IV. with the Hu- mours of Sir f. Falpjfe, reviv'd with Alterations. Her^ry IV. o{ France, T. "*' Hmry V. * Henry V. T. '^ Henry V. with the Battel of Aginconrt. Henry V. He'.ry VI. in three Parts; in the fecond is the Death of D. Humphrey. ^nd the third the Death of the Duke of Ycrk. Henry VI. Part the Cv(i, with the Death of the Duke of Gloucefler. Part of this is borrowed from Sh,ikefie^r,- T. Henry VI. the fecond Part, or the Miferies of Civil Wa^. Part cf this likewilHs bor- rowed from shake/pear, T. Henry Vl. T. * Her.ry VIII. his Life. Heracitus Emperor of the Eajl, T. Hercules, O. Hercules Fitrens, T. Hercules Oeuus. T. Hero and Leander, T, Herod and Antlpater, T, Herod and Antipnter, T. "* Herod and Mariamnct T, H^roi the Great, T. Heroick Friendfhip, T; * Heroick Love, or the In- fanta of Spain, T. * Heroick Love, T. Hey for Honefty, down witb Knavery, C. B. i Hi' [ i6] HIbernia Free'd, T. Hie e^ Uhlque, or the Hu- mours of DMn, C. HUe Park, C. l-lipolitus. JHiftriomaftrix, or the Player whipt, C. Iicb\ V/edding, F. * Hob, or the Country Wake, F. Hoffman's Tragedy, cr a Re- venge for a Father, T. Hog has loft his Pearl, C. Hollander, C. Holland's Leaguer, C. Honeft Lawyer, C. Honeft Man^s Frrrune, T.C. Honeft Whore, the firft Parr, with the Humours of the patient Man and the long- ing Wife, C. Honffl Whore, the fecond Part, with the Humours of the patient Man and the impatient Wife, C. Honorin and Mammon^ C. Honour of Wah$, Mafque. Horace, done from Corm'dU. HorMz from ditto. llormui from Corneilk. How CO chufe a good Wife from a bad one, C. Humour cf the Age, C. * Humours of the Army,C. * Humours of the Compter, F. "* Humours of the Navy. See the Fair Quaker of Veal. Humours of Purgatory, F. * Humours of Oxfordt C. Humours of Ix(fjan£e Altef, F. Humour out of Breath, C. Humorous Courtier, C. Humorous Day's Mirth, C. * Humorous Lieutenant, T. C. Humorous Lovers, C. * Humorifts, C. Humours of York, C. Humphrey Duke of Glocejler] C. Hur.tmgton\ Divertifcmcnt, Interlude. Horlo Tbrumbo. Husband his own Cuckold, C. Hydaffes, Italian O. Hymenal, or the SolemninVs of a Mafque, and Barrier's at a Marriage, Hymen's Triumph, Paftoral T.C. HypermneJ!ra,oT Lov« in Fearff, T. Hypocondriac, F. Hypocondriac, C. from Mol^ Here. HyppoUtHs. HyppolitHi. Jack Drum*s Entertainment^ or the Comedy of FafqUH and Catharine, C. Jack Jughr, C. fack Straw's Life and Death." ^acob and E/an, Interlude. 'fames IV, * fane Grey, T. * Jane Shore, T. lirahim riy] TSra^lmth^ rjtfi Emperor of the Turks, T. Jbrtihim the iHuftrious BafTa, T. Jealous Husband. See Loft Lovers. Jealous Lovrers, C. Jeronymo, or the Spani/hTrz- ger'y, firft Part, T. Jeronymo is mad 3g in, or the Spiiuifly Tragedy, fe- cond Parr, T. Jew of Malta, T. C. * Jew of Ff/z/V^ alfer*d from Shakefpear, with the Ma?k of P^/^/« and Thetis, C. Jews Tragedy, T. If this ben'c a good Play the Devil's in'c, C. li you know not me, yoj know no Body, or the Troubles of Q^ Elizabeth. in 1 Parts. J^/7(jr^»?«j, t ran flated from the Larin^ C. Imaginary Cuckold, C. Impatient Poverty, C. Iftiperial Captives, T. Imperial Tragedy, T. Jmperiale, T. Impertinent Lover?, C Impertinents, C. Inipofture, T. C. Impofturedefeated, or a Trick to cheat the Devil, C. Impromptu of Verfailles, C. Inchanted Lovers, Paftoral. ^ Inconftant, or the way to win him, C. "* Indian Emperor, or the Conqncft of Mexico by the Spmiardh T.C. ^ Imlian Q,ueen, T. ingiantude of a Common- wealth, or the Fall of Casus Martins CorioUnus, T. C. Invader of his Country, T. [njur'd Innocence, T. ■^ Irjur'd Lovers, or the am- bitious Father, T. Jnjur'd Love, or the cruel ; Husband, T. !* Injur'd Love, or the La- dies Satisfadtion, C. fnjur'd Princefs, or the fatal Wager, T. C. rnjur*d Vertue, T. Inner-Temple Mafque,or Mafque of Heroes. Innocent Miftrefs, C. Innocent Ufurpcr, or the Death of the Lady Jam Gray, T. Infatiate Countefs, T, ^ Interlude of Youth. •» Intrigues of Verfailles, or a ; Jilc in all Humours, C. tnrriguing Widow, or Ho- ! neft Wife. focafla, T. yohn the Evan^eliff. John King of England. fohn King of England, his troublefome Reign, two- Parts. John and Matilda, T. Jo[eph his Hiftory, T.| Joftphh Affliaions. Jovial Crew, O. f Jovial Crew, or the mer- ry Beggars, C. Jovial Crew, ;or the Devil . turn*d Ranter, Interlude. B J Jphigemy [ i8] oigenia, T. Irene, or the Fair Greek, T. I '■ijlj Hofpirality, C. irifh Mafque. Iron Age, in 2 Parts. "^Ifland Princefs, T. C. '^ iflind Princefs, revived with Alterations. ^Ifland Piincefs, or Gene- rous TortHguefe^ made into an Opera. *IjDand Queen, or the Death of Mary Queen of Scotland, T. I{leofG«//i, C Jt^ian Husband, T. Ic fhould have coioe Iboner, F. Judgment of Varis, Mafque Juliana, or the Princefs of FoknA, T.C. ftdim Csfar^ T. * Julius C Afar, T. y.ulim C&far, O. Julim C&jar, T. ^ juror, F. Jufl General, T. Juft halian, T.C. Ixion, a Mafquco K. Keepers Diflrave in a Riddle, O. Love in feveral Msfquey, C. Love only for Love's fake. Love rcftor'd. *Lov€ 2a ] "* Love in a Veil, C. LoveTriumphanr, or Nature will prevail, T.C. Love without Intcreft. Love the beft Phyfician, C. Love loft in the Dark. Love will find out the Way. Love's Adventure', in two Parts. Love's Medicine, or le Medi- cm M^ilgre hd, G. Love's Cruelty, T. Love*s Cure, or- the: Martial Maid, C. Love's Dominion, Paftoral. Love's a J eft, C. Love loft in the Dark. Love will find out the Way. Love's Kingdom, T. G. Love's Labour loft, C. Love's Labyrinth, or the Royal Shepherdefs, T. C. Love's a Lottery, C. *Love's laftShifr, ortheFcol in Fa lb ion, C. Love's Load (lone, C. Loves of Ergafio, Paftoril. Loves of Murs ^ndVenus. Love's Metamorpholis, Pafto- ral. Love's Miftrefs, or the Queen's Mafque, Love's Pilgrimage, C, Love's Riddle, Faftoral. Love's Sacrifice, T. Love's Triumph thro* Cillh- polis. Love's Triumph, cr tht Roys I Uiion, T.C. Love's Vidlim, crtheQueen of IValei, T. Love*s Vi O. Loving Enemies, C. Loyal Brother, or the Perfa» Prince, T. Loyal Brother, or the Re* venger's Tragedy, T. Loyal Genejal, T. Loyal Lovers, T. C. Loyal Subjea:, T. C, Lucimjunius Brtitus, Father of his Country, T. *Lucms firft Chriftian Kingof Brtiairj, T. Lucius Verm, 0» Lucky Chance, or the Alder- man's Bargain, Ci Luminalia, or the Feftival of Lighr, Mafque. Lunatick, C. Luft's Dominion, or the L"f- civious Q^^een, T. LViWy J uvent us-, Interitife. Lycr. See Miftaktn Beauty*' * Lying Lcvers,or the Lady ''s Friendftiip, C. M, '^Madeth, T. ThQ Mad Lover, C. Mad C 21 ] Mad Couple well match'd revived under the Title of The Debauchee, &c. C. Mad World my Matters, C. Madam Fickle^ or the Witty Falfe One, C* Magnctick Lady, or Humours reconciled, C. Magnificent Lovers, from Mo'.iere, C. Maid of Honour, T.C. Maid in the Mill, C. Maids of Moorclack. Maid's laft Prayer, or Any ra- ther than fail, C. Maid's Mctim.orphods, C. Maid's Revenge, T. Maid's the Miftrcfs, C. Maid's Trrigedy. T. Maid's Tragedy, revivM with Alterations, T. Maidenhead well lofl-, C. Maiden Queen. See Secret Love. Malecontent, T. C. The Mall, or Modifli Lovers, C. Mamamouchi. See Cit turned Gentleman. *Man of Mode, or Sit Fop I'mg Flutter, C. Man of Newmarkfty C. Mangorn King of xh^Trlbu- fims, T. Manhater, from MoUeretO. Manhood and Wifdom. * Man's bewitch'd, or the Devil to do about her, C. Man's the Maftcr, C. Mmiius^ O. Manlifis Capitolinus. MarceUa, or the treacherous Friend, T. C. Marcus ThIUus Cicero, C, Mariam fair Queen of fury, T. Mmamne, T. Mc^rius and SylU. See Wounds of Civil War. * Marplot, or the fecond Part of the Bufy Body, C. * Marriage a-h-Mode, C. Marriage Broker, or the Pan- dar, C. Marriage Hater match'd, C Marriage Night, C. Marriage of Oceanus with Britannia, Mafque. Marriage of the Arts, C. Marriage of Wit and Science^" Interlude. * Marriage Beau, or the Cu- rious Impertinent, C. Marry, or do worfe, C. Marry 'd Philofopher, C. Mars and Venus, Mafque. Martyr, or Tolyeticie, T. Martyr'd Soldier, T. MAry A//?|ie, C. Mother-in- Law, from Te- rence^ C. Mother Shi^ton*s Life and Death. * Mourning Bride, T. Mucedcrus the King*s Son of Valencia, and Amadon the King's Daughter of Arm- gon, (^c. C. Much ado about Nothing, C. Mulberry- Garden, C. kfuleajfes the Turk^ T. Mule of Newmarket, C. Mufcs Looking-Glafs, C. *MHflapha, T. Mufiapha, T. Mutius ScAvolay O. Myrtillo, Paftoral. N. Narcijfus, O. Nature's Three Daughters, Beauty, Love and Wit, C. Negle6led Virtue, or the Un- hippy Conqueror. Ntptme*s Triumph for the Return o^ Albion^ Malque,- Nero's Tragedy. Nero Emperor of Romct bis Tragedy. New Academy, C. New Cuilom, Interlude. Nero Exchange^ C. New Iwii or the light Heart,' C. Newmarht Fair, or Mrs. Tar^ lfameKt*s New Vagaries, T.C. New Trick to cheat the De- vil, C. New Way to pay old Debts, C. New Wonder, a Woman ne» vcr vext, C. News from Plymouth^ C. News from the World dif- covered in the Moon, Mafque. Nice Valour, orthePaflionate Madman, C. Nice Wanton, C. Nicomede, T. Nights Intreague. Night Walker, or the little Thief. C. Noah\s Flood, or theDedruc- tion of the World} a fe- cond Title to this Piay is The Cataplafm, or Gene- ral Deluge of the World ; and in a third it is called The Deluge, or the De- ftruaion of the World. O. Noble Gentleman, C, Noble [ Noble Ingratitude, Paftoral. Noble S^mtflj Soldier, or a Contra6l broken juftly re- venged, T. Noble Stranger, C. No-Body and Some-Body, with the Hiftory of Ely- dure. No Fools like Wits, C. * Nonjuror, C. * * Northern Heirefs, or Hu- mours of Tork. * Northern Lafs, C. Northward Hoe, C. Novella, C. Novelty, or every A£t a Play, being Paftoral, Comedy, lVlafque,Trsgedy,and Farce. No Wit, no Help, like a Woman's, C. Nuptials of Tdeus and Thetis^ C; Nurritor, O. O. t^ieron the Fairy Prince, Mafque. Obftirae Lady, C. O^avia, T. OeJipHs, T. * Oedipus King of Thebes, Oedipus, from Voltaire. -* Old BatchcUor, C. O^dcafile, Lord Co^^^;»'s Life and Death, T. Old Couple. C. Old Law, or a new Way to pleafe you. Old Mans Leflbn, and young I Man's Love, Interlude. 24 ] Old Mode and the New, or a Country Mifs with her Furbelow, C. Old Troop, or Monfieur R«- gou, C. Old Wives Tale. Opportunity, C. Ordinary, C. Oreps his Tragedy, T. Orejles, T. OrgnU, or the fjatal Errors,^ T. Orlando Turiofo, one of the iz Peers of 'France, tranf- lated from Oricfto. Ormafdes, T.C. *Oroomko, T. Orpheus and Bury dice, Mafque^ ^ Orphan, or the Unhappy Marriage, T. Ofmond the great Turk, or noble Servant, T. * Othello Moor of Venice, T. Oiho, O. Ovid's Tragedy, T. P. Tallanius and I.ndora, T. Vandorn^Qt thcConverts,T.C,' Fan ivASyriyiXj O. ?ari^z Anniverfary, or the ShepheVd's Holyday, Mafq. Parafitafler, or the Fawn, C. Parliament of Bees, Mafque. Pj;r(on's Wedding, C. Parafite, T. Paffionate Lover, in 2 Parts, r. c. Taiior Fido, or the faithful Shepherd, Paftoral. raflor [25] or the Faithful I Ph^dra and Hippolitus] Shepherd, Paftoral Tathomachio, or the Battle of Affedion, fhadowed by a feigned Siege of the City Fathopolis, This is the fame as Love's Londjlone^ only different in Title, C. Patient Grijfel, C. Tatie and Peggy, O. Sr. Patrick for Ireland. Patriot, or Ufdian Confpira- cy, T. Patron, O. Pau/amas, Betrayer of his Country, T. Pedlar's Prophecy, C. Feleus and Thetis. See Jew of Venice. Tenelope, O. Perfidious Brother. T Perfidiusc Brother, T. Periander, T. Fericles Prince of Tyre. Perjur'd Husband, or the Ad- venture ofVetiice, T. Perjur'd Nun. "* Perjuror, F. Terkin War beck. The Terjian Prince, or the Loyal Brother, C. * Pcrplex'd Couple, or Mif- take upon Miftake, C. * Perplex'd Lovers, C. Verolla and lz.adora, T. Terjian Princcfs.or the Royal Villriin, T. * Petticoat Plotter, C. Thaetonj or the Fatal Divorce, C. ''^ phjidra and Hippolituh T. \philajier, or Love lies ai bleed- ing, T. Philip of Macedony T. Phillis of Scyros, P. Philotas, T, Philous, T. Philotus^ C. Phoenix, T.C. Phoenix in her Flames, T. Phorniio. Phormio, C. Phyfician whether he wilier no, from Aioliere, Pidure, T.C. Pilgrim, C. Pilgrim, T. * Prilgrim, alter*d from Beau' mont and Fletcher, with a Mafque, the Alafque by Mr. Dry.ien, C. Pil^'rims, or Happy Converts, T. Pindar o'i Wakefield, C. Pifo*s Confpiiacy. This Play differs from Nero only in the Title, T. Pity (he's a Whore, T. *Phin Dealer, C. Platonick Lady, C. Platonick Lovers, T. Play between John the HuA band and Tib his Wife. Play between the Pardoner, the Friar, the Curate, and Neighbour Prat. Play ot Genteelnefs and No- bility, 2 Parts. Play ot Love. Play of the Weather, ftil'd, A New and very [Merry In-> C terludc [26] terlude of all Manner of ' Weathers. * Play-houfc to be Lef. * Play is the Plor, C Pleafure at Kenelworth Caftle, Mafque. Pleafure reconcird t Virtue, Mafque. ^Plot and no Plot, C. Plotting Lovers, F. *Plotring Sifters. See Fond Husband. Tluto and Froferpine. Tlutus. See World's Idol. Poetaftcr, or his Arraign- ment, C. yolUus, T. Politician, T. Politician cheated, C* Politick Whore. Tolly, O. Tclyeu^esy or the Martyr. Tompeyy T. Ponnpey the Great. Fompey the Great, his fair Corneliay T. Poor Mai.*s Comfort, T. C. Poor Scholar, C. Pope Joan, See Female Pre- late. ^PortfrKOuth Heirefs, or Ge- nerous |Refufa], C. Pragmatical Jeluit new lea- vcn'd. Presbyterian Lafh, or Noc' trcfi Maid Whipt, T.C. Preltnce, C. Pretender's Flight, F. Pictcnders, cr the Townun- . mask'd. C. Prince of Pr/^'s Revels, or the Praftices of the Grand Tbicf, Captain Jamei Hkd, C. Princefs, or Love at fifft Sighr. T.C. Princefs of Cleze^ T. C. -Princefs of Elis, O. Princefs of Parma, T. Prifoners, T. C. Projeftors, C. .Proroifea of God manifeftcd. Promus and Cajfandrat in z Parts. Prophetcfs, T.C. *Prophetefs, or the Hiftory of Diocle/ian, reviv'd from the Foregoing, O. *Provok'd Husband, C. *Provok'd Wife, C. Prunella, Interlude. Pj^che, O. Pfyche, O. from Idoliere, Pfyche debauched, Cj Publick Wooing, C. 'Puritan, or the Widow of Watling-Jlreety C. Pyramus and Thif6e, O. Pyrrhtis King of EpirtiSj T, Pyrrhui and Demetrias, O, Q. Quacks, C. Quaker's Operai ^Quaker's Wedding. Queen, or Excellency of her Sex, T.C. Queen Catharine, or the Ruins of Love, T; Queen and Concubine, C. Queen of Arragont T. C. Queen Queen of Corinth, T.C. Qaecn^s ArcadiAt Paftoral,T. C. Qaeen's Exchange, C. Qaccn's Mafque of Blacknefsi Queen's Mafque of Beauty. Queens of Brentford, O. Qjercr per fo!o querer. See Lo7e only for Love's fake. R. "Radamiflus, O. Raging Turk, or Bajazet the ad, T. Ram Alley, or merry Tricks, C. Rambling Jufticc, or jealous Husband, C, Rampant Alderman, or News from the Exchange, F. Rape,or Innocent Impoftures, T. Rape cf Lucre ce, T. Rape upon Rape, C. Rebellion, T. Rebellion of Naples. ^Recruiting Officer, C. Reformation, C. Reform'd Wife, C. *Refufal, C. * Rehearfal, C. * Rclapfe, or Virtue in Dan- ger, C. Religious, T. C- Religious Rebel, T.C. Renegado, C. Return from P^rw^j^^;, or the Scourge of Simony, C. Kegulus, Revenge, T. * Revenge, or a Match in Ne-afgntit C, Revenge for Honour, T. Revengeful Queen, T. Revenger's Tragedy. Sec Lo» yal Brotlier. Revolter, T.C. Revolution of Sweden^ T. Reward of Virtue, C. Khodon and Iris, Paftoral. Rkhurd II. T. Richard II. or the SicilimXJ- furper. * Richard Iff. * Richard III. with the Lanr!J ing of the Earl of Rich-- wondy and Battle of Bof- worth Field. * Richmond Heirefs or a Wo- man once in the Right, C* Richmond Wells, F. Rinaldo, C. Rimldo unl Armldt, T, Rival Brothers, T. Rival Friends, C Rival Fools, C. Rival Kings, or the Loves of Oroondntes and Statira^ T, Rival Ladies, T. C. Rival Modes, C. Rival Nymphs, C. * Rival Qaeens, or the Death of Alexander the Great, T. Rival Siltcrs, or the Violence of Love, T. Rivals, T. C. Roaring Gtrl, or Moll Cut- Purfe, C. Robert Earl of Downfall. Robert Earl of Death, T. Robin Con/cience, Rfiifio Hood, O. C z^ -Eiobm Hmtirfgton* Htmtmgtov^ [28] Hohin Hood's Paftoral May- Games. lRo6ing Hood and his Crew o' Soldiers. 'Rodalirda, O. Rollo Duke of Normandy. See Bloody Brother. • "Rowm A6lor, T. 'Roman Bride's Revenge, T. Roman Emprcf?;, T. Roman Generals, or the Di- ftreni-d Ladies. Roman Maid, T. Rowp's Follies, or the Amo- reus Friars, C. "* Romeo and yuliet, T. Romulus and Herfilia, or the Saline War, T. Rofamond, O. Rotherk O Connor, T. *Rovcr, or the Banifli'd Ca- valiers, in two Parts, C. Rover Rcclaim'd, C.' Roving Husband Rcclaim'd, C. Round-heads, or the good old Caufe, C. Royal Captives, T. * Royal Convert, T. Royal Cuckold, or thcGrea^ Baftardjtranflated from the German Language, T. C. Royal King, and Loyal Sub- je.^, T. C. Royal Martyr, T. Roysl Martyr. See Tyran- ts nick Love. Ro>al Martyr, King Charles ' the Firft, T. Royal Mafque at Hampion- Court. Royal Mailer, T.C.^ *Roya] Merchant, or theBeg- ger's Bufh, C. ;}a Bfilleny T. yirtuofo, C. Virtuous OSiavia, T. C, Virtuous Wife, or good Luck at laft, C. •'iilon of Delight, Mafque. ^^ificn of the twelve God-' dtn>s, Mafquc. * Uiy/fes. Unrortunate Dutchefs of .V/i*/- fey. See Dutchefs of Mid- fey. - Uniortunate Lovers, T. Unfortunate IVlother, T. Unfortunate Shepherd, Paflo-' ral Unf^irtunate Ufurper, T. Un;^ratcful Favourite, T. Unhappy Fair Irene, T. * Unhappy Favourite, or the E^iil of EJfex, T. Unhappy Kindnefs, or fruit- lefs Revenge, T. Unhappy Penitent, T. Union of the Clans, or Scotch Opera. Unjuft Judge, or ^ppitts and Virginia. Unnatural Brother, T. Unnatural Combat, T. Unnatural Mother, T. Unnatural Tragedy, T. Untrufllng the humorouf Poet. See Satyromaftix, * Volpone, or the Fox, C Volunteers, or theStock-Job- bers, C. Vow-Breakqr, or the Fair Maid of Clifion in Notting' hamjhire, T. . Ufurper, T. C. Ufurper Deteftcd, or Right will prevail. Walks [34] w. Walks of Ijl'mgtm and Bogf- don, with the Ffumours ci Woodjlreet'Compier, C. * Walking Statue, or tlie Devil in the Wipe-Cellar, Farce. Wandrin^ Lover, T. C. Warning for Fair Women. T. Wary Widow, *or "Sir Noify Psirrot, C- "^ Way of the World, G. Weakeft.goes to the Wall, C. Wealrh and Health. Wedding, C. Pfeich Opera. WenceJluHs, O. Weftward Hoe, C, Wexford Wells, C. ■'^ What d'ye call it, F. Whit you w'll, C. When you fee me,youknow me.. Whig and Tory, C. White Devil, or the Tragedy of P. Giordano Urjini, Duke of Brachiana ; with the Life and Death of Vittoria Co- rombonc^, or the famous Fe- mt'tan Curtezan. Whore of Bubylcn, Pflat's Hiftory. Widow, C. Widow Bcwltch'd, C. Widow Ranter, or the Hif- tory of Bacon in Virginia^ Farce. Widows Tears, C. )Vife and no Wife, F. Wife for a Month, T. C. Wife to be Let, G. * Wife of Bath, C. Wife well manag'i*, G. Wife's Relief, or the Hus^ band's Cure, C. Wild Gallant, G. Wild-Goofe Chafe, G. Wily beguiled, G. Wine, Beer, Ale, and Tobac- co contending for Superio- rity, Interlude. Win her and take her, or old Fools muft be meddling, C, Winter's Tale, T. C. V/ife Woman of Hogfden, G. Witch of EJmonton, T. Wit at a Pinch, C. Wit at feveral Weapons." Wit of a Woman, C. * Wit without Money, G. Wit without Money: Altered by fome Pcrfons of Qua- hry, C. Wit in a Conftable, C. Wits, G. Wii*s Gabal, in i Parts, C. Wits kd by the Nofe, or a Poet's Revenge, T. Witty Combat, or the Fe- male Viftcr, T. C. Witty Fair one, C. Wit, or Sport upon Sport. * Wives Excufe, or Cuckolds make themfelves, C. Woman Captain, C. Woman Hater, T. C. Woman Hater arraign'd. See Swetnam. Woman made a Juftlce, G. Woman in the Moon, G. Woman [-35] foman kill'd with Kindncfs, C. Woman will have her Wil). See Englifh Men for Money, Woman turn'd Bully, C. Woman's Conqueft, T. C. Woman's Prize, or the Ta- mer tam'd, C. Woman's Weathercock, C. Woman's Wic, or the Lady in Fafhion, C. ♦Woman's a Riddle, C. * Woman's Revenge, or a Match in Newgate t C. Women, beware Women,T. Woman pleas*d. * Wonder ! a Woman never vex'd. See New Wonder, &c. '^ Wonder! A Woman keeps a Secret, C. Wonder of a Kingdom, C. Wonders in the Sun, or the Kingdom of Birds, Comick Opera. World tofs'd at Tennis, M. World in the Moon, O, World's Idol, or P/«/«j, C. Wrangling Lovers, or the in- vifible Miftrcfs, C. X. Xerxes, T. Ximenat or Hcroick Daugh- ter. Yeoman of Kent, See Tuny, bridge Walks. . Torkjhire Tragedy. Young Admiral, T. C. ' Young King, or the Miftakc; T. C. Younger Brother, or the Amorous Jilt, C. Younger Brother, or Shara Marquifs, C. Your Five Gallants, C. Youth's Glory, and Death's Banquet, in i Pares, T. Zelmanty or Qjccn, T. the Corinthim FINIS. The E N G LI S H T H E A T RE In Three Parts. Being the Selea Plays of. th moft celebrated Authors. Part I. in 8 Volumes Part II. in 6 Volumes. Part III. in 6 Volumes Pait I. in 8 Vols. Vol. I. containiog Hamlet Othello Macbeth Xing Lear. Vol. II. All for Love OEdipus Orphan Oxoonoko. Vol. III. Pair Penitent Jane Shore Jane Grey jMariamne. Vol. IV. Diftreft Mother Abramule Anna Bullen Bufiris. . Vol. V. Xovc's Laft Shift Double Gallant Fop's Fortune Tunbridge Walks. Vol. VL Stratagem Recruiting Officer Confcious Lovers Inconftant. Vol. VII^ ^Spanifh Fryar Jf Committee ^d» Amorous Widow ^HBufy Body. I Vol. VIII. Relapfe Fair Quaker Plain Dealer Country Wife. Part II. in 6 Vols. Vol. I. containing King Lear Siege of Daraafcus Cato Earl of Eflex. Vol. II. Tamerlane Venice Preferv'd Rival Queens Fall of Saguntum. Vol. III. Phaedra and Hippolit. Theodofius Mithsidates Albion Queens. Vol. IV. Carelefs Husband Tender Husband Twin Rivals London Cuckolds. Vol. V. Funeral Lying Lovers Anatomift Ifland Princefs. Vol. VI. Provok'd Wife ^fop Bold Stroke for a Wife Woman's a Riddle. Part. IIL in 6 Vols.^ Vol. I. containing Henry VIII. Henry IV. Royal Convert Ulyffes. Vol. ir. Indian Emperor Auieng-Zebe Humph. D. of Gl0C€ft< The Briton. Vol. III. Fatal Marriage Don Sebaftiaa Heroick Love Sir Walter Raleigh. Vol. IV. the Fox Country Lafles Sauny the Scot Britiib Enchanter^« Vol. V. Silent Woman Jew of Venice Reheaxfal Chances. Vol. VI. Alchymift Amphytrion Sir Courtly Nice She Gallants. rinted for W. Peal es at Rowe's Headj over-againf¥^ Clement's- Inn Gate. Price of the firft Part bound i L y s. 6 d. The fecond Pai't b.ound iL The third Part bound i L Where may be. had all the Plays fihgle, and Variety! of others. . .i^t^ .lo^ .-^vV!