THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 PRESENTED BY 
 
 PROF. CHARLES A. KOFOID AND 
 MRS. PRUDENCE W. KOFOID 
 
THE LIFE 
 
 ;ELEBRATED BUCCANEER 
 
 A PAGE OF PAST HISTORY FOR THE USE OF 7 HE 
 CHILDREN OF TO- 1) A Y 
 
 13 Y 
 
 RICHARD CLYNTON 
 
 LONDON 
 
 SWAN SONNENSCHEIN <fc CO. 
 PATERNOSTER SQUARE. 
 
 1889 
 
LIFE OF A CELEBRATED BUCCANEER, 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 ONCE upon a time there lived on an island, separated from the 
 main land of Europe by a silver streak of the ocean, a celebrated 
 Buccaneer. 
 
 There was a rugged grandeur about the rock-bound coast of 
 this island, with its bluff, bold headlands and beetling cliffs, where 
 the sea birds loved to make their nests high up above the spray ; 
 mingling their cries with the voice of the ocean as it rushed into 
 its wide and deep throated caverns. The waves, too, worked 
 ever, and for ever, a broad fretwork collar round these rocky 
 shores. Unlucky was the ship that found this island on her lee 
 in a gale of wind.- Many a child had been made fatherless there, 
 and many a wife a widow. But to those who knew how to thread 
 their way through the many channels, numerous bays, creeks, 
 and rivers, offered a safe retreat either from the storm or from an 
 enemy. 
 
 This island was a fit home for one following the profession of 
 a Buccaneer. Its natural advantages were extremely great ; for 
 not only was it difficult of access, but its innumerable big throated 
 caverns opened their wide jaws ready to receive anything that 
 floated in from the ocean. However, this bold pirate did such 
 a good business, .that in a short time these caves became too 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 small, so he had to build wharves and warehouses to hold his 
 plunder ; for he lived in such an age, and was surrounded by 
 such unprincipled people, that he could not leave his things lying 
 about on the shore. Besides which, the climate was not good, 
 being frequently visited by fogs, gales of wind, and very heavy 
 rains. 
 
 Soon villages rose up ; then towns, which in their turn grew 
 into great cities, the principal of which were generally planted by 
 the side of some one of his many rivers. Soon the bays and 
 rivers became crowded with ships, and the shores were busy 
 scenes of industry. Cargoes were being landed. Sails were 
 being made and repaired ; ropes overhauled and restranded, and 
 the smell of the pitch caldrons rose up and mingled with the salt 
 air blown in fresh from the sea. Shipwrights' hammers resounded 
 along the shores, and were echoed back by the beetling cliffs. 
 While the men worked, the women sang, and the chubby-faced, 
 fair-haired children played about on the beach. 
 
 To those who ask how our bold Buccaneer acquired most of 
 his property, it must be answered that it came to him in a manner 
 usual in those times. Everybody laid their hands upon what 
 they could, and then devoted all their spare time and energy to 
 the keeping of it. Title deeds were for the most part written in 
 blood, with a sharp-pointed one-nibbed steel pen. When we live 
 in Rome we must do as the Romans do, and we must not set up 
 to be better than our neighbours, that is, if we wish to prosper, 
 and when all the world is going in for universal plunder it does 
 not pay to stand on one side, with hands idle, arms folded, and 
 eyes upturned to heaven, saying that people are wicked. Needs 
 must when the devil drives. 
 
 It has been a time-honoured custom to rob and kill, so that 
 riches may be laid up ; then it becomes the duty of all to watch 
 lest the thief breaks through and steals. This primitive method 
 of doing business is now justly condemned, and all nations pay 
 at least a tribute to virtue, by flinging a cloth over any shady 
 action. But nations even now have to maintain their dignity. 
 Insults have to be resented, and ambitious designs have to be 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 frustrated. Battles are fought, and people are slaughtered, and 
 some one, as the saying is, has to pay the piper. 
 
 It would almost seem, by a contemplation of things in general, 
 that man by nature is a robber, the action changing its colour ac- 
 cording to the atmosphere that people have to live in. In bar- 
 barous ages the act of plunder is done openly, and a fellow- 
 creature is sent about his business, either with a broken head or 
 with a spear through his body, and there is an end to him, and 
 perhaps the world is not much the poorer. That honesty is the 
 best policy is, by experience, forced upon us ; but even now, in 
 our most enlightened age, the individual will at times adulterate 
 his liquor, sand his sugar, and sell short weight, though he may 
 try to sanctify the deed by saying his prayers before and after ; 
 thus adding somewhat to the general stock of humbugs, hypo- 
 crites, and Pharisees. But to our story. 
 
 It was a noble sight to see this bold Buccaneer getting under 
 weigh with his fleet of ships. Clack, clack went the windlasses, 
 and his brave lads could be heard singing as they lifted their 
 anchors a peak 
 
 Merrily round our capstans go 
 
 As we heave in the slack of our chain, 
 
 Into our sails the north winds blow 
 
 As we bear away from the main. 
 
 Yo ho, my lads, heave ho ! 
 
 Home went the sheets. Up went the yards, and the sails bellied 
 out to the wind. On the shores crowded the women and 
 children. The little ones with shock heads of curly hair, the 
 sport of the breeze, crying after their fathers, holding up their 
 tearful little faces for the sea-breeze to kiss. The wives wishing 
 their brave lads a prosperous voyage, and a safe return, with 
 plenty of plunder. Silks and spices from the East, and gold and 
 silver from the West, or wherever they could find it. Away went 
 the ships, with their white canvas spread like the wings of a sea- 
 gull. Soon the hulls were down, and the white specks, after 
 lingering for a while upon the far-off horizon, sank beneath and 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 vanished. Then sending a sigh after their mates on the wings of 
 the north wind, the women returned to their homes and sang 
 their young sea whelps to sleep, with lullabies tuned to the daring 
 deeds of their fathers. 
 
CHAPTER II. 
 
 THINGS in this world do not remain shady long. Time works 
 wonders and throws the halo of romance over the darkest deeds. 
 See what time and romance have done for William Tell. Look 
 at your Alexander and your Frederick ; are not they both called 
 great ? Ah ! these two were conquerors not plunderers ; and 
 there lies the difference, though perhaps Maria Theresa and one 
 or two others might have had something to say against one of 
 these fine fellows. Then there is Robin Hood. Have not time 
 and romance completely changed the aspect of that, at one time, 
 bold and notorious outlaw ? For over fifty years did this jolly 
 robber enjoy himself upon other people's property. Look too at 
 the numerous other gentlemen of the road ; your crusaders and 
 adventurers in early times. What were the hardy Norsemen, of 
 whom we love to sing ? There is something very attractive about 
 your robber, no matter whether he carries on his profession by 
 sea or land, the only thing needful being, to study him at a 
 distance, and through the halo of this said romance. If it were 
 not for the world's great robbers what would historians have to 
 record ; what would poets have to sing about ? If they had to 
 confine themselves to the virtuous actions, to the good that is 
 done, their occupation would be gone. The chronicling of small 
 beer is a waste of labour. 
 
 But there comes a time when the very worst of sinners are 
 troubled by that mysterious part of the human economy known 
 by the name of conscience. This conscience is at times a veri- 
 table tyrant, saying what we shall eat, what we shall drink, and 
 what we shall do. To the many the matter is not one of difficulty. 
 If they have to make their way in the world, conscience is either 
 thrown overboard, or put under hatches until such times as it is 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 wanted. Then it comes up all the fresher for its temporary re- 
 tirement, and is, generally speaking, very exacting. 
 
 The disposition to repent of the evil we have done is not con- 
 fined either to age, time, or sex happily. The call comes perhaps, 
 more often, and earlier, to women than it does to men. Jezebel 
 was not altogether as good as she ought to have been, but even 
 she might have turned over a new leaf, and have become a most 
 respectable saint, had not misfortune thrown her across the path 
 of that impetuous fellow Jehu, with the result that she was, as ' 
 every one knows, thrown out of a window. Had Jezebel lived in 
 the Buccaneer island in his later days, and had she been young 
 and beautiful, and the paint not too thick upon her face, she 
 might have been tried for some small act of indiscretion, such for 
 instance as that trifling incident about Naboth ; but probably she 
 would have been acquitted, when no doubt she would have left 
 the court without a stain upon her character, and would have been 
 an object of sympathy ever after. This lady has left a numerous 
 family of daughters behind her, many of whom, however, turn 
 over new leaves, and having been considerable sinners, become 
 the most straight-laced, unpitying, and uncharitable of sour-faced 
 saints. Poor Jezebel the first was never given a chance. She 
 lived too soon. 
 
 But to the point. The time came when our bold Buccaneer 
 received, as the saying is, his call, and it was brought about in the 
 following manner. In early times when saints walked about the 
 earth calling sinners to repentance, one found his way over to the 
 Buccaneer's island, induced to go there, not by the hope of any 
 worldly gain in the shape of church preferment or salary ; and 
 here lies much of the difference between a modern saint and an 
 ancient one. But the one, of whom we wish now particularly to 
 speak, was impelled by the hope of snatching this burning brand 
 from the devil's fire. Some of the Buccaneer's neighbours had 
 tried to convert him before this, by means of the sword, but with- 
 out effect, for the pirate's nest was a hard one to take, and the 
 eggs burnt the fingers of all those who attempted to touch them. 
 
 The precise spot where the saint landed is open to doubt ; so 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 is the exact time and the method of his transit. Some declared 
 that he came over on a broomstick. Others again, said he used 
 the ordinary means of conveyance, and this is the most worthy of 
 credence. About saints there is generally something that is 
 legendary. He preached his gospel to the Buccaneer, and told 
 him in the plainest language that he was going to the devil, 
 about whose dominion he drew such a glowing account that the 
 Buccaneer was moved. 
 
 He repented, and determined to turn over that wonderful leaf, 
 that the world is for ever hearing so much about, and seeing so 
 little of. To show his earnestness, the Buccaneer built churches 
 and endowed them, and not unfrequently out of the money that 
 he took from other people. This was but right. Belfries rose up 
 in every nook and corner, and their iron tongues could be con- 
 stantly heard calling all pious buccaneers to prayer. 
 
 But that befell the saint which sooner or later must happen to 
 us all. He died, but left behind him a book, which he told the 
 Buccaneer was to be his rule in life, for between its covers there 
 lay the seed of all that was good, and the gentle spirit of one, who 
 though dead would live for ever. The precious gift was handed 
 over to the safe custody of the Buccaneer's church, and the old 
 saint with much sorrow and ceremony was laid in his narrow cell, 
 to await there the sound of the last trump. 
 
CHAPTER III. 
 
 THE days of mourning were barely over when difficulties arose. 
 The faith left behind by the old saint was extremely good, and 
 even beautiful, but it was not at all adapted to one who occasionally 
 robbed a neighbour's hen-roost. Indeed, it was not at all fitted 
 for one who followed the profession of a bold Buccaneer. It was 
 a trifle hard to sell all that he had and give it to the poor, who 
 might be a lazy lot of skulking rascals. Then who could expect 
 to get on in this world, if, when one cheek was struck he turned 
 the other? Beautiful, yes, but not practical. If our fighting 
 Buccaneer did this . sort of thing, every daw from the mainland 
 would invade the nest of the eagle, and peck him to death, and 
 suck his eggs. 
 
 Then the command not to lay up riches upon earth ; and to 
 live in peace and charity with all men. This was all very well, 
 but then when you are surrounded by a lot of people, who will 
 not live up to these fine sentiments, what is a poor fellow to 
 do? 
 
 The Buccaneer had a coxswain, who was his right-hand man, 
 and whose name was Jack Commonsense. He took him into his 
 confidence. Old Jack scratched his head, which was a sure sign 
 that he was in trouble, and he told his master that he did not see 
 any way out of the difficulty, for, if they sailed by the instruction 
 as laid down in the Book the saint had left behind, they had 
 better give up the buccaneering business at once, and try some- 
 thing else. The end of the matter was, that it was handed over 
 to the Buccaneer's Church to settle, for, as he said in his quaint 
 sea-faring language, it's no use keeping a dog if you have to bark 
 yourself. To his clergy he deputed the by no means easy task of 
 shaping a course in accordance with his book, the Bible, and at 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 the same time not altogether antagonistic. to his worldly interests. 
 In fact x some kind of a compromise had to be made. 
 
 Obedient to the command of their earthly master, the most 
 learned of the Buccaneer's divines assembled together in solemn 
 conclave, and having opened the proceedings with prayer, they 
 fell to arguing upon the grave questions before them. The 
 Scriptures were searched, and very much learning and piety were 
 displayed, and very much heat, with a little temper, was intro- 
 duced ; but there seemed to be little probability of their coming 
 to a satisfactory conclusion. Some said the word must be ad- 
 hered to, others said that the word killed, and that it was the 
 spirit that must be taken into consideration. 
 
 After very much argument, which at times cleft asunder the 
 matter in dispute, thereby forming schism and even sects, a 
 satisfactory conclusion was arrived at, and the foundation was 
 laid of an edifice, which in time was to grow into most beautiful 
 proportions. The foundation rested upon the Book, and the 
 corner stones were those which Christ had laid in Galilee. The 
 superstructure was built to a large extent by human hands, and of 
 earthly material. Still it was a noble edifice, and thus the Buc- 
 caneer had manufactured for him a good every-day religion, 
 somewhat worldly perhaps, but eminently suited to his mode of 
 life. 
 
 There were slight incongruities, but it mattered little to the 
 subject of our history, and we may presume that he did not see 
 them ; or if he did he did not notice them, which answers the 
 same purpose. Such things are at all times more apparent to 
 other people than to those especially interested. Besides, any 
 little shortcomings on the part of the Buccaneer were amply 
 made amends for by his solicitude for the religious welfare of 
 others, whose eternal happiness seemed indeed to be more to 
 him than his own. Wherever he went he took with him his Bible, 
 and as he had not been able to swallow it wholesale himself, he 
 soothed his conscience by thrusting it down the throats of other 
 people. If they would not take it quietly, then he would help 
 them over their difficulty with the point of his sword. It was a 
 
io Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 principle of his that if people would not go to Heaven, that they 
 must he made to go there, and accordingly he sent a good many 
 to the other world very much against their will, and very much 
 before their time. 
 
 This bold Buccaneer was perhaps originally intended for a 
 Mahommedan, but being spoilt in the making he became an in- 
 different Christian. Tell him this, and it would be wise to clear 
 out at once, and make tracks for the remotest part of the world. 
 
 As a matter of course he must follow the example of all other 
 Christian people, and enroll himself under the protection of some 
 saint. Now, whether it was by chance, or whether he was pos- 
 sessed with a grim kind of humour, it would be impossible to say. 
 Indeed, he may have had a genuine admiration for the man. 
 The fact remains that he chose as his patron George of Capa- 
 docia, who seems to have done a very good business in the way 
 of bacon. It is at all times a difficult matter to form a true 
 estimate of a character far back in history; but it is probable 
 that the whole saintly calendar does not contain a more disreput- 
 able blackguard than this self-same George ; but he is no\v a saint 
 " de mortuis <Scc. ; " the bold Buccaneer having now had a good 
 serviceable religion manufactured for him, and having also been 
 fitted out with a good elastic and easily worked conscience, he 
 was himself again. Away the merry rover went, cracking a head 
 here and a crib there, and returning home with whatever happened 
 to fall in his way. 
 
CHAPTER IV. 
 
 ALL the Buccaneer's neighbours had adopted some characteristic 
 emblem or device with an appropriate motto. No people, of any 
 degree of self-respect, can get on without such things. The device 
 generally takes the form of some beast or bird of prey eagles 
 and vultures being greatly favoured. The bold Buccaneer with a 
 characteristic modesty adopted the lion as his emblem, and as his 
 motto "God and my Right." It is wonderful how he made both 
 ends of his motto meet to his own great advantage. These two 
 principles seldom seemed to clash, and if they did, he generally 
 overcame the difficulty in a most satisfactory manner. This per- 
 haps was the effect of his having a good conscience. 
 
 Now the lion is a noble-looking animal. His appearance is 
 ferocious, while his roar is terrifying in the extreme. Those who 
 have watched, and studied his habits, say that in spite of all this, 
 he is about as mean a beast as ever stole a meal or entered upon 
 an unequal fight, being ever ready to rob and plunder the weaker 
 inhabitants of the jungle. Of course, the animal had his good 
 points ; all animals have, and, no doubt, it was these that attracted 
 the Buccaneer's attention. How delighted he was when his lion's 
 roar frightened any one of his neighbours ! What pleasure too it 
 gave him when he put out his large paw and snatched a handful 
 of feathers out of any of their birds ! But then what a terrible 
 screeching there was, and very often a fight. 
 
 Not to be behind his neighbour in anything, he created high 
 sounding titles, and honourable distinctions, to reward those of 
 his sons who did well in the buccaneering trade. Then to 
 support the weight of their newly acquired dignity, he either 
 allowed them to levy blackmail on whom they could, or he sent 
 round the hat amongst his own people. This hat was with him a 
 
1 2 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 cherished institution, and was used on all kinds of occasions. It 
 was hung up in all his churches, but taken down and sent round 
 after every service. Of such importance was it that it must be 
 deemed to be worthy at all times of a capital to begin with. For 
 length of titles he could not approach many of his neighbours, 
 who frequently found consolation for empty pockets, ruined 
 castles, and extreme poverty in a long string of names. 
 
 The bold Buccaneer grew in strength, in riches, and in right- 
 eousness also. His family increased and multiplied as all good 
 people's families should ; but still he fought, and for the most 
 part conquered. Thisp r oved to his own satisfaction that God 
 was generally on his side. When the enemy was handed over to 
 him he despoiled him, thus following the example set him by 
 most other peoples and nations, in olden times and in new. It is 
 a good thing to pluck a beaten adversary well, lest he flies again 
 too soon, and sticks either his beak, or his claws into you. Do 
 not believe him if he says he will not do it. To his beaten foe 
 the Buccaneer was kind, for he gave to him spiritual consolation ; 
 giving his Bible and selling him his strong and intoxicating drinks. 
 He fully believed that those who did not live up to the teaching of 
 his book would be eternally damned, though he did not at all 
 times show a disposition to live up to it himself, it being very 
 much too inconvenient to do so. There was occasionally such a 
 difference between his preaching, and his practice, that his neigh- 
 bours wondered whether he was a knave or a hypocrite, or a good 
 honest gentleman who saw no incongruity in his line of action. 
 
 Sometimes in his encounters with his enemies he came off 
 second best, as the saying is. Then there was nothing he was so 
 sure of as that the devil was fighting against him. It was his 
 custom then to look about for a scapegoat, and if he found one 
 he sacrificed him to appease the Divine anger. Then having 
 bound up his broken head and dressed his wounds, he took down 
 his book, read a chapter or two, said his prayers, and then waited 
 until the Lord handed his enemy over to him. Then he quickly 
 wiped off old scores, adding or taking something, by way of 
 interest. Thus he became very much respected by all who knew 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 1 3 
 
 him. As he prospered, so did his church, for he was very generous 
 as most sailors are. Whatever the edifice was within, it was 
 beautiful without, and had a complete organisation. The High 
 Priest, not Caiaphas, stood at the head of all things, and he was 
 the keeper of the Buccaneer's conscience. It was the duty of the 
 High Priest to keep all his subordinates in order. This was a 
 task which at times he could not perform, for the members of the 
 ecclesiastical body showed themselves to be true chips of the 
 Buccaneer block, and though essentially men of peace, they proved 
 themselves at times to be equally men of war. His priests being 
 the keepers of his conscience, frequently took upon themselves to 
 lecture him ; not hesitating even to tell him of his transgressions. 
 Having brought the ardent old sinner upon his knees, and pre- 
 scribed for him prayers, mortifications, and fastings ; having also 
 bled him, they cleaned and repaired his conscience and sent him 
 on his way again. Thus did the priesthood grow in power and in 
 self-respect. 
 
 Comparisons, it is said, are odious ; but they are necessary at 
 times, and if we compare our friend with any one of his neigh- 
 bours, we find him not a bit worse ; he himself thinking, indeed, 
 that he was infinitely better. To exterminate the heathen, or to 
 bring them over from their evil ways, and to burn all heretics was 
 at one time the pious object of his life. The weak, too, had to 
 be protected, and those who cannot take care of themselves ought, 
 at all times, to be extremely obliged to those who will do it for 
 them, and of course they must expect to pay. Then the evil 
 doer had to be punished and fined, and the pride of the arrogant 
 and haughty had to be humbled, and surplus populations had to 
 be worked off, and anybody undertaking these very disagreeable, 
 though necessary duties, is deserving of the thanks of those who 
 have neither the taste, nor the leisure for the occupation. There 
 is nothing strange in all this. Did not Moses sit upon the hill- 
 top with Aaron on one side and Hur on the other, and while 
 these two held up his hands did he not look with satisfaction 
 upon Joshua discomfiting the Amalekites ? and very well Joshua 
 seems to have done his work. 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 Who then will blame the Buccaneer ? As in Joshua's day, so 
 now such things are necessary. And if the Buccaneer did burn a 
 heretic or two, what then ? He was strictly impartial. To-day it 
 was what was called a Holy Roman that he fried, to-morrow he 
 varied the bill of fare by roasting a Protestant. That was in his 
 early days. 
 
 Our Buccaneer was essentially a fighting man, and though the 
 Book he swore by preached peace on earth and good will towards 
 men, his habit was to mix himself up in early times at least 
 in every pot-house brawl that he could, and a cracked head was 
 to him an honourable distinction. He as often as not took the 
 wrong side, and he was frequently found fighting in very queer 
 company ; but to his honour it must be said that the weakness of 
 a neighbour, who was put upon, was more to him than any ab- 
 stract principle of right or wrong, and though he was not above 
 pitching into a fellow smaller than himself, he would not allow 
 anyone else to indulge in the luxury if he could help it. 
 
 The ill-natured those who are for ever ready to find out spots 
 and blemishes in other people, to the utter neglect of their own, 
 said all kinds of things. Called him a hard fighting, hard drink- 
 ing, and hard swearing Christian. He did swear ; it was a bad 
 habit, no doubt ; but then his climate was enough to make any 
 man swear, and drink into the bargain. He had his failings, and 
 he did not mind being told of them, and he would sit patiently 
 in church, whilst his priests thundered at him from their many 
 pulpits. He took it all in ; said his prayers devoutly, and when 
 the inevitable Hat came round, he gave liberally. Perhaps he 
 experienced some slight regret on such occasions that some of his 
 wicked neighbours were not present to partake of the spiritual food 
 that was thus given freely. He felt sure it would have hit some 
 of them very hard. It might perhaps have made them mend 
 their ways, though, as it did not seem to have a permanent 
 effect upon the Buccaneer himself, there may be a doubt upon 
 the subject. It is said that eels get accustomed to skinning. 
 
 In passing it may be mentioned that his women at least in 
 early times were honest, virtuous, brave and true, and in every 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer 1 5 
 
 way fitting mothers for a race of warriors. It may be presumed 
 that they had their faults. Indeed, some of his laws and customs 
 would lead us to believe that such was the case. For instance, it 
 was laid down as a rule that no husband should beat his wife with 
 a stick of greater diameter than one inch. There was very great 
 humanity here. Scolds he sometimes ducked. If that did not 
 stop the rancour of their tongues he tried the effect of an instru- 
 ment called the " branks." This fitted over the head something 
 like a dog-muzzle, and was fastened behind with a padlock, while 
 an iron plate rested upon the tongue, and kept it quiet. This 
 was found to be effective. 
 
 Judging from our present high state of civilization when women 
 are allowed full liberty of speech, these early habits and customs 
 of the Buccaneer will not bear looking into. Occasionally in later 
 times some one of his sons, not conspicuous for chivalry, knocked 
 down his wife, or his mother-in-law, and then jumped upon her ; 
 but as a general rule his manners were very much softened, and 
 his women were treated with very great indulgence. Perhaps 
 those who suffered were deserving people. If, in his ruder age, 
 the women did not love their lords and masters, they at least re- 
 spected them, and this feeling in the long-run brings the most 
 happiness. In his latter days a deep suit of mourning, with much 
 crape, and a becoming widow's cap, often covered a joyous heart, 
 and a fresh campaign was commenced. But what is love ? You 
 have it ; you have it not. It is sometimes near, then again it is 
 obscured by distance. It wanders about like a sweet and gentle 
 spirit above the earth ; soaring sometimes with outstretched wings 
 to heaven. It seems brightest when afar. Touch it, and it will 
 shrink and fade like the delicate petals of a flower. It often 
 haunts a grave-yard and makes a home amongst the tombs. You 
 fly from it, and it follows ; you turn and chase it and it flies. 
 What is love ? It is a veritable Will o' the Wisp. 
 
CHAPTER V. 
 
 HONOUR to whom honour is due. In speaking of the Buccaneer 
 and in briefly sketching his early life, it would not be right to pass 
 by, without some slight comment, a people who occupied an 
 island situated not many miles from his shores. They were 
 called the Ojabberaways. They came of a spirited and highly 
 sensitive race. They were imaginative in the extreme, quick of 
 temper, and very prone to insult. The smallest slight they would 
 look upon as a grave injury. They were also a quick-witted, 
 clever, and merry people, and fighting was the joy of their life. 
 They were not total abstainers. 
 
 Somehow the Ojabberaways and the Buccaneer, though near 
 neighbours, did not get on very well together. This often 
 happens, more especially amongst relations, but the Ojabberaways 
 would not admit that they were of the same blood as the 
 Buccaneer. They maintained that they came from a far nobler 
 stock. In fact, it would appear from what the people themselves 
 said, though history is silent upon the subject, that the island was 
 at one time inhabited by one or two kings, who left a progeny 
 sufficient to people the whole place, and that consequently, every 
 Ojabberaway had royal blood in his veins. No wonder then that 
 they were high-spirited and proud. Now they looked upon the 
 bold Buccaneer as a tyrant, whose chief aim in life was to tread 
 under foot, and otherwise insult them. Nothing would induce 
 them to believe the contrary. They sucked it in at their mother's 
 breasts. The origin of their name is wrapped in mystery, but it 
 is probable that it had, in some way, a connection with the chief 
 produce of their country. 
 
 The Ojabberaways were not a united people. Though for the 
 most part they were inimical to the rule of the Buccaneer, and 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 17 
 
 groaned under "what they considered the chain cast upon them by 
 an alien and an oppressor, there were many who were comfortable 
 and even happy and contented under his rule. Between these 
 two sections of the Ojabberaways there was no love lost. The 
 wild Ojabberaways as they were sometimes called of course 
 behind their backs looked with peculiar hatred upon what were 
 called the loyal Ojabberaways. Speaking of the people generally 
 it may be said, that when you came across one who was a thorough 
 gentleman, no finer specimen of the class could be found in the 
 world ; but nature is not at all times prodigal. There are some 
 flowers that only bloom once in a hundred years. 
 
 For the ordinary occupation of life the people had little or no 
 taste, and in his own country, if you found one Ojabberaway 
 working, you would always find two at least indulging in the 
 luxury of looking on. And at all times an Ojabberaway would 
 give over any labour in which he might be occupied, to follow a 
 fellow-countryman to his grave, to whom in life he would not have 
 lent a single sixpence. This respect for the dead is touching ; 
 but the Ojabberaways were a sentimental nation. 
 
 They- were also a peculiarly constituted people, generous to a 
 fault as long as they had anything to give ; but they, for the most 
 part, lived beyond their means, for a man with a thousand a year 
 would generally spend two, and this in time brought them into 
 the usurer's hands and into difficulties. Then some one had to 
 suffer, and it was generally the tenant of the land and the peasant. 
 The usurer at all times drives a hard bargain, and what bowels he 
 has are not those of compassion. What is in his bond he takes 
 care to have. This gave an opening to the agitator, and he took 
 advantage of the state of things to stir up strife. 
 
 Then the Ojabberaways had peculiarly formed eyes. To the 
 outward appearance just like other peoples ; but inwardly quite 
 differently constructed. An object that would appear to an 
 ordinary individual in one light would impinge upon the retina of 
 an Ojabbera way's eye in such a manner as to distort some things 
 and magnify others ; but most of all a grievance. On the other 
 hand an obligation would appear as small as if it were looked at 
 
1 8 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 through the wrong end of a telescope. They were extremely 
 romantic and were given occasionally to romancing. In fact, it 
 has been said by those who like to summarise and put a whole 
 history almost into a nutshell, that the lower orders of the 
 Ojabberaways were liars by nature and beggars by trade. Allowing 
 for that exaggeration which is common to all such sayings there is 
 still a residuum of truth left. Though brave at all times when 
 out of their own country, in it their courage generally took refuge 
 behind a bank or a stone wall. Their food was simple and their 
 favourite drink was strong ; so much so, that when taken in too 
 great quantities, it made them perfectly irresponsible beings and 
 extremely dangerous and disagreeable neighbours. Their women 
 were the most virtuous in the world and amongst the most lively, 
 and the men, though in their revenge they would have recourse to 
 the assassin's dagger, would never assail the chastity of a woman, 
 who might walk from one end of their island to the other without 
 the slightest fear of molestation. 
 
 The lower orders of this devil-me-care people were joyful in 
 their rags. They preferred dirt to cleanliness, and as has been 
 already said, truth with them was not a highly prized virtue, 
 though if they did lie, they did it more to please than deceive. 
 The Ojabberaways had taken up patriotism, and made it into a 
 regular trade, and they had cultivated it until it had become a 
 most lucrative employment. But with all their faults, and Heaven 
 only knows they had many, one could not help liking them. 
 They had worked for the Buccaneer ; they had fought for him, 
 and had helped him in many of his predatory excursions, and 
 they were inclined, at the time of which we are speaking, like 
 many another people, to do a little robbing on their own 
 account ; but it must be owned that they were a regular thorn 
 in the Buccaneer's side, and the thorn was working deeper, and 
 deeper, into his flesh every day he lived. It must also be owned 
 that in time past he had not treated them over-well, and retribu- 
 tion was galloping after him in hot haste. 
 
CHAPTER VI. 
 
 WHAT am I ? I am a whitened sepulchre ; a cloak which 
 covers a multitude of sins. Who am I ? I am a masquerader 
 a thorough hypocrite and a Pharisee, for I am a worshipper of forms 
 and ceremonies. I move in the very best society. I am a stickler 
 for social laws and etiquette, and I love a lord. I am the guardian 
 of public morals, and in all my dealings I exercise a strict pro- 
 priety, and I punish severely, not so much the crime, as its detec- 
 tion. At church I am regularly to be seen; but I worship more in 
 public than in private, my devotion being more to attract the 
 attention of my fellow beings than for the sake of God. If I pray, 
 it is openly. If I give, it is before the eyes of all men. It is not 
 so much to me \vhat I am as what I appear to be. On my way 
 home from church I put on a demure, and downcast look, and en- 
 joy in secret my worldly thoughts. I contemplate with inward 
 pleasure, though I outwardly condemn, the shortcomings and 
 failings of my neighbours. I put a check on honest, robust 
 mirth, for its loud, and consequently vulgar laugh offends me. 
 I keep aloof from all questionable society. A poor relation I 
 never see, should he present himself at my door, I promptly 
 have him kicked into the gutter. I dread the touch of an im- 
 pure hand ; but when in the society of the great I sometimes con- 
 descend to visit the slums of the poor, though the atmosphere is 
 not congenial to me. An erring sister I pass by as the priest and 
 Levite did the man who fell amongst thieves. I am a social 
 tyrant, more feared perhaps than loved, though few are so inde- 
 pendent as not to pay me homage. To the indiscretions of the 
 great I am a little blind, for the vices of the vulgar crowd I show 
 no pity. The nakedness of the fashionable world does not dis- 
 tress me ; but immodesty amongst the common herd I visit with 
 
20 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 my severest displeasure. I keep my eye on all my neighbours; 
 should any of them trip, unless they are saved by their position I 
 let slip my dogs and hound the miscreants outside my social pale. 
 I ride rough shod over society, and no one dares to turn upon 
 me. Who am I ? I am society's uncrowned queen, Respec- 
 tability. 
 
 It would be difficult to say at what precise period this un- 
 crowned queen took up her abode under the roof of the bold 
 Buccaneer; but she did, and winked at his goings on; because 
 she looked upon him not as a robber, but as a brave sea-king, 
 who went in quest of venture, and was far removed from the com- 
 mon and vulgar thief. There are other reasons which perhaps 
 induced her to take him under her protection. The Buccaneer- 
 ing business was beginning to fall off, probably because other 
 people had taken to it more thoroughly, and it is well known that 
 competition interferes considerably with the very best of trades 
 and professions. It is possible also that our friend having made 
 a large fortune, was beginning to see the truth of the maxim, that 
 honesty is the best policy. Property does undoubtedly alter 
 ideas ; take the most rabid socialist, who is for ever preaching a 
 community of interests and endow him with a fortune, and the 
 burden of his song is speedily changed and in a most wonderful 
 manner. Before it was, "/ take" but now it is, "Jhold" 
 
 The Buccaneer's wealth had steadily increased, and so had his 
 towns and cities. The hum from a busy multitude rose up like 
 the murmur of the distant ocean as it dashed against the rock- 
 bound coast. On his rivers and bays he had built dockyards, 
 and his shipwrights' hammers could be heard sounding over the 
 waters far and wide. His ships became celebrated for their build 
 and rig, and his sailors were considered not only the bravest, but 
 the most skilled in all the world. 
 
 He was a man of great resource and enterprise, was our Buc- 
 caneer, and when he found the one business falling off he at once 
 turned his hand to another. If no one wanted either beating or 
 robbing, they wanted their merchandise carried, so he became a 
 carrier to the universe at large, and combined with it the business 
 
Life of a Celebrated Bticcaneer. 21 
 
 of trader. One thing begets another, and he soon found out 
 other industries. Tall, tapering chimnies pointed like great black 
 fingers far into the sky and vomited out thick volumes of black 
 smoke. Then he built mills, and put up machinery, and the 
 rattle of thousands of wheels could be heard all over the land, 
 and the uncrowned queen moved about amongst his people and 
 leavened them. But even in his peaceful pursuits the natural bent 
 of his genius discovered itself, for he would frequently, for the 
 want of a more worthy object, steal an idea from a neighbour and 
 then set himself to work to improve upon it, and he generally 
 turned it to good account. The Buccaneer's mind was not in- 
 ventive, but it was eminently adaptive, and this is very much 
 better, because it generally manages to suck the marrow* out of 
 the bones of genius. 
 
 Having been the greatest Buccaneer that ever ploughed the 
 briny ocean, he now became a mighty trader a fighting one per- 
 haps ; fetched and carried for the whole world, and became in 
 fact a universal provider. He often built and fitted out a ship for 
 some neighbour who turned her guns against him ; but he did 
 not mind so long as he got his price, and he not unfrequently got 
 the ship back into the bargain in fair and open fight. So things 
 went merrily on. 
 
 As is well known success breeds envy and jealousy, and the 
 Buccaneer's neighbours soon began to eye his superior good for- 
 tune with hatred and much uncharitableness. They said all kinds 
 of hard things, as people will. Said his gains were ill gotten. 
 But who will ever believe that vast wealth has been honestly ac- 
 quired ? Somebody must have been robbed say they. But if it 
 is only a fool what matter ? He and his money must sooner or 
 later part company. At least, so it is said by those people who 
 know everything. 
 
 The Buccaneer, of course, put his prosperity down to a different 
 cause. He was a God-fearing and good man. Went to his 
 church regularly ; gave of what he had to the poor ; and sheltered 
 himself under the cloaks of Respectability and Religion. It is true 
 he could not altogether divest himself of his buccaneering ten- 
 
22 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 dencies, and on one occasion he even robbed a church, which is 
 considered about the last thing a man ought to do ; but then if 
 he did rob Peter he made ample amends by paying Paul very 
 handsomely. That the Buccaneer was innately a most pious 
 man there can be little if any doubt ; he had none himself. He 
 loved to carry his religion with him into his everyday life, and 
 even into his business, and in this perhaps we see the reason why 
 he selected George of Cappadocia as his patron saint. He loved 
 to adulterate, as it were, all his merchandise with it, and he suc- 
 ceeded in a marvellous manner. He was very fond of texts taken 
 from his Book, and these he would hang up in all suitable and 
 unsuitable places. He regulated his trading transactions with his 
 neighbours upon the principle laid down in the parable of the 
 talents, and he took for his especial guide the man who turned 
 his five pieces into ten ; for he considered he must have been an 
 excellent man of business ; a clever fellow in fact, and one well 
 worthy to be followed. No doubt the parable above alluded to 
 has carried comfort to the soul of many a Jew, Turk, and even 
 infidel. Trade is at all times, and in all places, and by all people, 
 considered for some reason or the other dirty work, and yet it is 
 the founder of great families, who, however, try as soon as pos- 
 sible, to blot out all recollection of the source of their greatness. 
 Trade, too, is the founder and supporter of great nations. Why 
 then is there such a prejudice against it ? Is it not honest ? Is 
 its first principle, namely, to try and get the better of your neigh- 
 bour in a bargain, condemned by a virtuous world ? Scarcely, 
 for to do your neighbour, to prevent the possibility of being done 
 by him, seems to be implanted firmly in the human breast. It is 
 a principle, in fact, which is well adhered to, and it helps con- 
 siderably that law of nature which demands the survival of the 
 fittest. Perhaps it was as a precautionary measure that the Buc- 
 caneer besprinkled himself, as it were, with holy water, before 
 entering upon his everyday life. 
 
CHAPTER VII. 
 
 IT is said by the wiseacres of the world that you should always 
 set a thief to catch a thief. Whether it was from a belief in this 
 principle of nature, or whether it was from an innate liking for 
 the business it would be difficult to say ; but it is a fact that the 
 Buccaneer made himself for some considerable time a police- 
 man, to keep order amongst his neighbours, and prevent the 
 strong from robbing and setting upon the weak. Oh ! the trouble 
 the man had ! Big fellows pitching into little ones, to get either 
 their marbles or apples ! Then he not only had to keep his 
 neighbours from robbing each other, but he had to keep them off 
 his own property for had they dared they would have stripped 
 him as naked as the desert is of vegetation. The rascals ! 
 
 During the time that the Buccaneer was thus doing police- 
 man's duty he was generally pretty well employed, for there was 
 always a row on somewhere ; either some hen-roost being robbed, 
 or some pot-house brawl to be quelled, so that all things con- 
 sidered he was not doing a good business. Indeed, he was get- 
 ting for his trouble little more than hard blows, more kicks than 
 halfpence, in fact. 
 
 After a while he determined to give the policeman's duty up ; 
 rinding no doubt that it did not pay ; and he was very much too 
 sensible to conduct business upon such terms for any length of 
 time. So he allowed people to mind their own business as far as 
 they could, while he paid more attention to his own. Of course 
 this state of things was not brought about all at once, for the 
 force of custom is great, and for the life of him, the Buccaneer 
 could not refrain from having an occasional ringer in the pie. 
 
 The Buccaneer now doffed his pirate's dress, which, though 
 picturesque, was not altogether respectable. People will have 
 
24 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 prejudices, and if they see a man constantly going about with a 
 brace of pistols in his belt, and a cutlass by his side, they will 
 think that that man is up to no good ; so he hung these weapons 
 up, quite handy, for there was no knowing when he might want 
 them to keep off robbers either by sea or land. 
 
 But, gentle reader, do not for a moment imagine that the old 
 man was dead not a bit of it. Beneath the peaceful dress he 
 now assumed there still beat the old heart. You may cover the 
 lion with the skin of an ass but you cannot change the nature of 
 the beast. Our friend was as ready as ever to tread upon his 
 neighbours' toes, and to fight with anybody who trod upon his. 
 Then the peaceful stillness of his shores would be broken by the 
 clack, clack. of his many windlasses, and the "yo heave-ho" of 
 his merry men. Up would go his sails, out would go his guns, 
 poking their black, angry-looking snouts through the port-holes, as 
 if they sniffed the enemy in the offing. Away went the Buccaneer 
 for the main. His priests prayed ; his merry seamen swore, and 
 his women and children cried, as it was their duty to do, upon 
 all such important and interesting occasions. 
 
CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 IT was the boast of our Buccaneer that he never turned his back 
 upon either friend or enemy, but in this perhaps he romanced a 
 little, as the very best and bravest of men will. The accusation 
 was certainty brought against him in after years. In dwelling 
 upon our own actions a little latitude is always allowed, and the 
 disposition to boast a little must be considered to be a pardonable 
 weakness. Indeed, why should we detract from ourselves when 
 there are so many kind friends and bitter enemies ever ready to 
 render us the service and all for nothing ? 
 
 He did love to dwell upon his past actions, many of which were 
 glorious, and over his pipe and his glass he would spin many a 
 yarn, and he would declare that there was no nobler sight than a 
 good sea-fight, no finer music than the clash of arms, no finer 
 scent than that which came from the muzzle of a freshly dis- 
 charged gun. All this is, of course, merely a matter of opinion. 
 
 If his sons were successful, he rewarded them well, if otherwise 
 they frequently had to play the part of the scapegoat, and were 
 driven out into the wilderness of neglect. He worshipped success 
 and there is nothing like it. It changes the aspect of the blackest 
 deed, and under its mellowing influence rank rebellion, it is well 
 known, comes out oftentimes, if not always, in the pure and 
 beautiful light of patriotism. 
 
 It has been mentioned that our bold Buccaneer had engendered 
 a certain amount of jealousy amongst his neighbours, who were 
 for ever calling him hard names, and always retained the privilege 
 of adding to the number. Such things do not break bones or 
 otherwise injure people, more especially if nature has endowed 
 them with good, thick, serviceable skins, and in this respect she 
 had been considerate to the subject of our history. A good thick 
 
26 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 skin is, in this world, a tower of strength, from the top of which 
 the fortunate ones can defy ill-nature. At times, however, a 
 shaft did pierce through some soft and indifferently guarded spot 
 in the Buccaneer's armour. He had fought many a good fight 
 both by sea and land, and against long odds, and he could not 
 bear to think, that there should be a suspicion even, that he was 
 a bully ever ready to pitch into one smaller than himself. 
 
 There is something very offensive about the above term. 
 Schoolboys are for ever requesting their fellows to pitch into 
 boys their ow r n size and calling them bullies if they will not. But 
 has not the bully been somew r hat put upon, misunderstood, and 
 subjected to unjust obloquy ? To attack one your own size is a 
 mistake and worthy only of the immortal Don. As a rule for 
 everyday life it would never do, and might be fraught with in- 
 justice. All virtue does not lie on the side of the small boy, who 
 frequently by his self-sufficiency and conceit deserves a thrashing. 
 Oftentimes he presumes upon his smallness and makes himself as 
 disagreeable as a drowsy fly in cold weather. If a small boy be 
 put upon by one bigger than himself, he can in turn set upon his 
 inferior, and thus the chain of responsibility can be carried on 
 " ad infinitum," and in the end justice will be done to all. 
 
 We are all children of nature and she has established bullying 
 as a principle which is, by the aid of the microscope, to be 
 detected from the mite to the man. The small of each species 
 which she wishes to preserve, she guards and surrounds with 
 especial attributes. The skunk is not a large animal, and yet 
 enemies and friends alike approach him with extreme respect. 
 Was there ever a nation yet, that was kept from thrashing and 
 robbing another on account of its size ? 
 
 Does the bully never walk about in public offices, or in private 
 dwelling-houses ? Is he never to be found on the domestic 
 hearth ? Ask the humble swain of yonder fair-haired, blue-eyed, 
 and angel-faced damsel, if he knows what it is to be bullied ? 
 Ask the husband of many years standing if he has ever experi- 
 enced the feeling ? All things have their allotted functions to 
 perform in this most complex world of ours, and no doubt the 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 27 
 
 bully is as necessary as many of those minute insects whose 
 presence is only known by the energy of their actions. So much 
 for the bully. 
 
 His neighbours also said he was a money-grubber ; a mere 
 tradesman, but withal a proud and even prosperous man. That 
 he could fight well had been proved on many a battle-field. 
 What then, if now, he made a goodly income by means of trade ? 
 All love this money, yet so many pretend to despise the means by 
 which it is obtained. To march your thousand into your neigh- 
 bour's country ; to lay waste his lands, to filch from him his 
 money, and to ravish, perhaps, his daughters, has ever been con- 
 sidered more noble and honourable, than to sit quietly at home 
 and allow the gold to trickle into your coffers through the peaceful 
 channels of trade. 
 
 We have touched upon this subject with the tip only of our pen 
 before, for we fear pollution. The trader is looked upon askance. 
 The uncrowned queen of society turns up her dainty nose at him. 
 The poor man knows it, and as soon as he can hides all trace of 
 his calling. Frequently enrols himself in some civic guard and 
 calls himself a colonel, and tries to hide under his military plumes 
 all signs of the desk and high stool. Then as to our Bucca- 
 neer's pride. Such a thing is, no doubt, to be condemned, but 
 its next-of-kin, namely, self-respect, is very much to be esteemed. 
 The Buccaneer maintained that his pride amounted to this and 
 nothing more, and he gloried in it ; took it with him everywhere, 
 more especially to his church. When he prayed he might humble 
 himself before his God, but as regards his fellow- man he must 
 hold his head up and claim that consideration which he considered 
 his due. If you wished to see pride fully displayed, there could 
 be no better place than the debatable ground of a church pew in 
 the Buccaneer's island. 
 
 When his sons visited his neighbours or any parts called 
 foreign, they were perhaps a little haughty and had a good-natured 
 contempt for the people they found themselves amongst. But 
 that they did not hail from their own fair land was, however, 
 more their misfortune than their fault. Perhaps it is the vulgar 
 
28 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 ostentation that sometimes accompanies the acquirement of great 
 wealth that renders it so offensive to the less fortunate. 
 
 Pride, no doubt, is not a Christian virtue, yet have I found no 
 Christian entirely without it, The Buccaneer's High Priest and 
 other great church dignitaries, were they humble ? Yes, humble 
 enough if you paid them the respect they thought their due ; if 
 you approached the ecclesiastical breeches and gaiters with mo- 
 dest diffidence. Did not contradict them not the breeches and 
 gaiters, but the divine beings inside them or doubt the 
 superiority of their learning, wisdom, and virtue, or presume to 
 make use of that intellect which God has given you. Humble 
 enough then ; but your ordinary, and sometimes your extraordin- 
 ary priests cannot brook opposition. Admit also that our 
 Buccaneer was great, good, rich, generous, brave, and a few other 
 things barely worth the mentioning, and he was humble enough, 
 heaven knows. What he was almost entirely without, was that 
 offensive pride which apes humility. 
 
CHAPTER IX. 
 
 IN our preliminary remarks it is necessary to mention two in- 
 dividuals who played a conspicuous part in the Buccaneer's 
 realms. 
 
 We have already mentioned one honest sailor, the old coxs'n, 
 Jack Commonsense by name ; but there were two women, not to 
 say a third, who also had a permanent abode in his island. The 
 one was called Patriotism, the other Liberty. The first of these 
 was allowed to live for the most part in neglect, and though at 
 times she was made much of, her position was little better than 
 that of a beggar woman, to-day she would sit at the table of the 
 great, and be taken into their councils, to-morrow she would be 
 thrust aside, and occasionally thrown into prison. She was made a 
 shuttle-cock for the battledoor of Madam Party, who was the other 
 celebrity above alluded to, and who pretty well ruled the roast in 
 the Buccaneer's island. Everything had to give way to her, whilst 
 except on extraordinary occasions the beggar woman, Patriotism, 
 was thought but little of. Everybody swore they loved her ; but 
 men were deceivers ever, if not liars. 
 
 With Liberty it was quite a different tale, she could do pretty 
 well what she liked, and had over our Buccaneer for good and for 
 evil a wonderful influence. At her instigation he allowed the 
 island to be made an asylum for rascals of every kind, who having 
 been kicked out of their own homes, came over and plotted, and 
 sowed broadcast among his people the most pernicious seeds, 
 which bore their fruit in due time. Indeed, Madam Liberty 
 played the part of a veritable wanton, and flirted with black- 
 guards of the deepest dye. The consequence of this was, that 
 one fine day, she gave birth to a boy, named Demos, the 
 
3O Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 father being King Mob. This boy grew to be a most unruly 
 fellow, and caused much trouble wherever he went. 
 
 It is said that neither man nor beast can stand prosperity for 
 any length of time, the horse becomes restive, and occasionally 
 kicks his stall to pieces, or otherwise misbehaves himself. Even 
 the ass ; the gentle and long-suffering ass, if too well fed, disturbs 
 the whole country round, braying out in his husky tones of re- 
 pletion his discontent at the very best of corn, when at one time 
 he would have been glad enough to fill his stomach with thistles. 
 So it was with Madam Liberty. It was through her that the 
 Buccaneer first opened his dcors to a host of cheap- 
 Jacks, and to merchants and ped'ars from all parts of the 
 world, until in the streets of his principal sea-port towns and 
 chief city, could be seen a strange mixture of costumes and 
 features. Swarthy Orientals with their finely cut profiles, 
 and proud bearing. Broad-faced, oval-eyed Mongols, who al- 
 ways look half asleep, but are generally found to be very wide 
 awake. Flat-nosed, thick-lipped, woolly-headed negroes, and 
 as a matter of course, the ubiquitous Jew was well represented. 
 The Jew is found everywhere, but stay, exception must be made 
 to the northern-most part of the Buccaneer's island. A Jew could 
 not live there, not on account of the severity of the climate, 
 though that was bad enough ; but on account of the habits of the 
 people. It is said by some that the object of the Jew is to skin the 
 Christian and the Gentile, with the view of buying back Jerusalem, 
 or, perhaps, the whole of the Holy Land. Many wish that this 
 laudable desire may be accomplished, and that quickly. With 
 all these different nationalities it was a wonder that the Buccaneer 
 retained his individuality, or even kept his language from corrup- 
 tion, but he did, though a broken patter often saluted the ears, 
 while the signs of many different races were stamped upon the 
 faces of the people. There is a belief in the world that mongrels 
 and cross-breeds will not fight. This is a mistake. Our Buc- 
 caneer was made up of ever so many nationalities, and yet he 
 had fought in his day well enough. Showing, indeed, an absolute 
 love for the fray. May not the very best blood, of the bluest 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 31 
 
 kind, which flows through the veins of some haughty descendant, 
 have taken its rise in some sturdy cur of low degree, who snapped 
 and snarled himself to the front ? 
 
 It would be as well to mention that our bold Buccaneer had had 
 a quarrel in early times with one of his sons, who had emigrated 
 and established himself, after the fashion peculiar to his father, 
 on a large and fertile tract of land in the far west. This son, who 
 was called Jonathan, was a tall, lanky, raw boned fellow, with a 
 good head upon his shoulders and a strong will of his own. 
 Modest diffidence had never been a stumbling block in his way. 
 As to whose fault the quarrel was, well, some said it was entirely 
 the old man's, but it is probable there was much to be said on 
 both sides, and that Jonathan was not altogether blameless. 
 At any rate blows were struck, and Jonathan handled his father 
 somewhat roughly, and so there was an estrangement, and a 
 separation, and Jonathan set up business for himself upon the 
 old man's lines ; except perhaps he was not quite so religious, and 
 a great deal sharper. 
 
 Jonathan did wonderfully well. He had a keen eye for the 
 main chance, and at driving a bargain, or getting the better of a 
 friend, he could not be beaten. In this, to make use of an ex- 
 pression of his own, he pretty well licked creation. In his early 
 days, he was not altogether scrupulous ; but what he called sharp 
 practice, other people might put down as something approaching 
 more closely to dishonest) 7 . The proof of the pudding is in the 
 eating. Jonathan prospered, and cheating, it is well known, never 
 does, so he must have been an honest fellow. He loved to do 
 his old father ; to get the better of him in a bargain, to get his 
 money out of him either by fair means or foul. Talk to him of 
 honour and he would laugh in your face at your sqtieamishness. 
 He had many of the eminent qualities of his parent, had Jona- 
 than. He generally managed to keep what he laid his hands 
 upon, and as the saying is, he was not altogether the man to drink 
 with in the dark. By trade he was a packman, or a cheap Jack. 
 
 Between Jonathan and the Ojabberaways there was a great 
 friendship. The former used to send over money to the latter to 
 
32 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 help them in their campaign against the old gentleman. Then 
 the Ojabberaways used to plot, and make infernal machines in 
 Jonathan's country, and come over to the Buccaneer's island, 
 where they frequently carried out their designs, and occasionally 
 used the knife into the bargain. 
 
CHAPTER X. 
 
 THE family of the Buccaneer in time increased to such an extent 
 that it began to overflow the narrow limits of his island home. 
 His sons therefore carried their zeal and energy and their manners 
 and customs to unknown countries. Under their hands forests 
 disappeared, lands became cultivated, and the aborigines changed 
 their habits or cleared out. It was no business of the young 
 chips of this ancient block, that the soil had already its owners, if 
 not its tillers. If these people did not like the new order of 
 things, they had an alternative. Of course the young chips would 
 commit no act of flagrant injustice, for such would have been 
 against the teachings of their parent's Book, but it was generally 
 noticed that where they went they staid ; and that they succeeded 
 in the long run in clearing the land of all rubbish, using for this 
 purpose the toes of their boots as well as their hands. Should 
 the aborigines elect to stay, they could ; but then they were made 
 clearly to understand that they must live respectable lives. If 
 they had anything to sell the Buccaneers bought, putting upon 
 the articles their own price, for it could not be expected that the 
 simple children of the soil could know the value of things. They 
 generally gave about half of what was asked, and when the natives, 
 to correct this, put on, to begin with, double the price they in- 
 tended to take, the Buccaneers were horrified at such innate 
 depravity, which could, as they thought, only come direct from 
 the devil himself. The antidote was their Book. This they im- 
 mediately presented to these vicious, ignorant, and immoral 
 people, with many of the pages turned down for reference. 
 
 Wherever the Buccaneer's sons went they always took a cargo 
 of their intoxicating drinks. These they sold to the gentle savage 
 who showed his readiness to be civilized by getting as drunk as 
 
 c 
 
34 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 he could, as often as he could, thereby manifesting again his shock- 
 ing depravity. The Buccaneer at home, when he heard of all 
 this, turned up his eyes to heaven in pious horror, and immedi- 
 ately sent out a cargo of missionaries to counteract the evil effects 
 of his cargoes of drink. These good people wrestled with the 
 devil ; prayed for the savages and preached to them, gave them 
 more Bibles and explained it to them ; told them to fear God ; to 
 shun the devil and all his works ; begged them to give up their 
 wicked ways and to lead new lives ; to be honest and just in all 
 their dealings; not to be extortionists; not to seek after riches, for 
 that heaven was for the poor. Begged them to do unto others as 
 they would be done by. In the meantime the Buccaneer's sons 
 gave a practical illustration of this beautiful doctrine by selling 
 strong drink and other merchandise at double and treble their value. 
 
 These missionaries were godly, self-sacrificing men, but their 
 teachings to the untutored mind must have sounded strange, sup- 
 plemented as it was by the actions of the Buccaneer's traders. 
 Then again, they found that rival sects, although they processed 
 to follow the same great Master, preached rival doctrines, and 
 hated each other with a peculiar fervour. At one time they 
 painted God as the God of love, at another time they implanted 
 fear and horror in the heart by depicting Him as a revengeful and 
 malicious demon, full of the worst of human failings. They 
 taught these simple savages that life was a kind of tight rope, 
 along which they had to walk ; holding in their hands the balanc- 
 ing pole of religion. If they slipped, which likely as not they 
 would, then there was God's rival underneath ready with his net 
 to catch them, and to throw them into a fire that is never quenched. 
 
 It could not be expected that the ignorant savage would under- 
 stand, all at once, the many nice distinctions of modern civiliza- 
 tion. No doubt it must have seemed strange to him that the 
 Buccaneer, in the face of what he preached, seldom went away 
 empty-handedtaking indeed at times a goodly patch of land, 
 just by way of recompense; for it was generally found, that, 
 wherever his sons placed their feet, some of the soil always stuck 
 to the soles of them. 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 35 
 
 Thus were the first seeds of civilization sown ; but other and 
 better things were to follow. The nakedness of the savage had 
 to be clothed, and the long black coat and tall hat of respecta- 
 bility had to be introduced. The result of all this was not far to 
 find. It was a natural consequence ; for where the Buccaneer 
 found simple human beings, worshipping God after their own way, 
 dark if you like, but at least honest, he frequently left an accom- 
 plished lot of hypocrites, drunkards, liars, thieves and rascals 
 generally, who having cast off the few rags of virtue which their 
 own benighted religion had clothed them in, had put on a gar- 
 ment made up of most of the vices of civilization, and only stitched 
 together with the thinnest threads of Christian virtues, which threads 
 were liable to snap at any time. Of course this was not the fault 
 of the Buccaneer's sons. It was entirely due to the wretched soil 
 they had to work upon ; you cannot grow figs on thistles, nor can 
 you make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. 
 
 What is civilization, do you ask? It is a veneer, sometimes 
 thick and sometimes thin, which is thrown over human nature by 
 culture and what not. From under this cloak the old Adam will 
 from time to time peep out and take a good look round. Did he 
 not peep out to some purpose amongst one of the Buccaneer's 
 neighbours, and playing the part of Cain did he not draw his 
 knife, called the guillotine, across many a brother's throat, kick- 
 ing them unshriven into eternity ? It is right to give every one 
 their due, and it must be owned that the Buccaneer's footsteps 
 were not always written in dust. He often found a people at war 
 amongst themselves, and tearing each other to pieces. These he 
 brought under subjection and gave them law and order, and if he 
 could have kept his sons from selling strong liquors to them, and 
 teaching them some of the pernicious principles of trade, he would 
 have done very much good, but with his Book he took his bottle, 
 and the latter was more readily received than the former. 
 
 It sometimes so happened that the ignorance of the heathen 
 was so great, and their minds so clouded by prejudice, that they 
 misunderstood altogether the nature of the missionary. Experi- 
 ence had taught them that the Buccaneer's Bible was generally 
 
36 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 the harbinger of the Buccaneer's sword, which cleared the way 
 for the Buccaneer's man of business, who, it was found, generally 
 got the advantage in any bargain that was made. What wonder 
 then, if the simple children of nature, the gentle savage, mistook 
 food that was meant for the mind, as food meant for the body, and 
 consumed the missionary instead of his teachings ? This is an 
 expensive way of converting a people, but it might be expected 
 that a devoured missionary would not be without its effect upon 
 the consumer. The disposition is naturally affected by the state 
 of the body, the latter by the food that is taken in to nourish it. 
 A violent fit of indigestion might bring on a deep remorse, and then 
 the body would be in a proper state to receive the good seed, 
 which taking root in the heart of one man even, might spring up 
 and spread amongst a whole people. There is consolation here 
 for those who have lost a friend or relation in the above manner. 
 
 By the simple methods thus related the Buccaneer managed to 
 get an outlet for his surplus population, and he then increased 
 his dominions, until it was his boast that the sun never set upon 
 them. There was not a clime too inhospitable for him. He 
 conquered not only the people but every natural disadvantage. 
 His sons too travelled into every land as the bearers of the 
 veneer called civilization. Their footprints could be traced upon 
 the desert sands of Arabia. The ring of their rifles was to be 
 heard in the remotest parts of India ; on the wild prairies of 
 America, and on the untrodden plains of Africa. They loved to 
 beard the lion and the tiger in their native lairs ; to shoot the 
 alligator on the banks of the Nile, and the wild goats high up on 
 the slopes of the vast snow-capped Himalayas. This to them was 
 a pleasurable recreation, while for pastime they loved to climb 
 the highest ice-bound peaks, and the mangled corpse of some 
 adventurous comrade lying at the foot of some precipice in no 
 way damped their ardour. They recovered the body, sang a 
 pean in praise of his temerity, gently placed him in the tomb of 
 oblivion, where so many good people lie, and then commenced 
 their dangerous climb. They were a brave and adventurous lot 
 were the sons of this bold Buccaneer. 
 
CHAPTER XL 
 
 OUR Buccaneer from his earliest times had always kept his 
 Sabbaths in a manner peculiar to himself. He put on his best 
 clothes and a long hat, shut up all his shops but kept open his 
 pot and public houses, and allowed no other recreations than 
 going to church and drinking. Six days had his people to enjoy 
 themselves and his tradesmen to adulterate their different articles 
 of merchandise, the seventh day he decreed should be given up 
 to worship and to pious meditations. All his museums were 
 shut up and all his picture galleries were closed, and his chief 
 city would have be^n like a city of the dead, if it had not been 
 for the howling mobs that occupied his parks, and other public 
 places, and either shouted sedition or spouted religion. Entire 
 freedom of speech he considered absolutely necessary to the 
 entire freedom of the subject. Many of his people who were not 
 thus engaged passed their time in an inoffensive manner in their 
 favourite pot-house and boosed their holiday away. This from a 
 pecuniary point of view was very much more profitable to the 
 Buccaneer than the opening of any of his museums or libraries ; 
 for from drink he derived a goodly income. It is sad, but it must 
 be owned that this rich man had his poor, and where there is 
 poverty there is discontent. The skirts of his garments did trail 
 in the mud. The most distressing thing about this Poverty is 
 that she will bring forth and increase, in an altogether unnecessary 
 manner, thereby providing food for the jail, the hangman, and in 
 the end, the devil. 
 
 Some sinned in this respect who ought by example to have 
 taught a better lesson. It was no uncommon thing in the Buc- 
 caneer's island for one of his priests to ascend the pulpit, and 
 preach from there the efficacy, and even necessity, of practising 
 
38 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 self denial. He would then descend from his throne and point a 
 moral to adorn his tale, by marrying and bringing into the world a 
 number of children that he had no visible means of supporting ; 
 your priest's quiver is generally full, and he seems at times to 
 have a beautiful faith in God's mercy. Thinking, perhaps, that 
 as He fed the Israelites in the days of old, so would He feed him 
 and his numerous progeny now 7 , with manna fresh from heaven. 
 
 It was said that our Buccaneer frequently forgot to look at 
 home, and raising his eyes over the heads of his own poor, fixed his 
 sympathetic gaze upon other people's. Perhaps he did experi- 
 ence a certain amount of gratification at seeing his name at the 
 head of subscription lists, when any of his neighbours suffered 
 from either fire, famine, or pestilence ; and to clothe the naked 
 savage of the sunny south, where clothing, except the smallest 
 amount for decency's sake, is absolutely unnecessary, seemed to 
 be to him a more meritorous action than the mending of the rags 
 of his own poverty stricken people. 
 
 Then as if he had not enough poor of his own, all his neigbours 
 paid a flattering tribute to his good nature and generosity, by 
 emptying their human sweepings into his dust bin ; until in time 
 his island became and he prided himself upon the fact an 
 asylum for all the cut-throats, thieves, blackguards, assassins and 
 idiots of the whole world. Madam Liberty had a good deal to 
 say to this. But our Buccaneer, or fighting trader as he had be- 
 came, was generous even to his own poor in a spasmodic kind of 
 way, and when in his church he heard the oft told story of Dives 
 and Lazarus, it made him sympathetic and opened the bowels of 
 his compassion, and could he have laid hands upon that rascal 
 Dives he would have been made to suffer. This Dives does not 
 appear, however, to have been a monster of iniquity. The only 
 sin he apparently committed, was to fare sumptuously every day, 
 and clothe himself in fine linen. Who amongst us will not do 
 the same if he has but the chance ? Do modern Christians live 
 the life of anchorites ? Does Dives never sit at the priest's table? 
 Did the Buccaneer's priesthood, from the head down, eschew r fine 
 linen, and even at times gorgeous raiments ? Do they turn their 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 39 
 
 faces against the luxury of the table on which delicacies temptingly 
 repose. Suppose the Buccaneer on his way home from his devo- 
 tions had found Lazarus on his door-step, would he have taken 
 him in ? not a bit of it. He would have sent him quickly about 
 his business, and if he did not hurry himself the officer of the law 
 would have been called in and Lazarus would have been marched 
 away as a rogue and vagabond. Would the Buccaneer's high 
 priest or any other of his ecclesiastics have taken Lazarus in and 
 washed his sores ; tended to him, and fed him ? Yes, yes, but 
 times have changed and the story of Lazarus does very well as an 
 example to hold up before the people for pious admiration, but 
 Lazarus' case does not apply to our present high state of civiliza- 
 tion, with all its complex social machinery for the benefit of the 
 poor. The proper place for Lazarus now would be the sick ward 
 of a poor house. 
 
 Having thus briefly sketched the early history of our Buccaneer 
 or fighting trader ; his conversion, the manufacturing of his re- 
 ligion, and the method he had of persuading the heathen to be- 
 come Christians, it is necessary to relate how he conducted his 
 business. His old sea-faring instincts stuck to him, and he 
 moored on the river that flowed past his principal city, a ship 
 which he called the Ship of State, and by her side he moored 
 another, which he called his Church Ship, and these two rode 
 side by side and stemmed the current of time. 
 
 It could not be said that either of these ships were rapid 
 sailers. Indeed, both of them were somewhat bluff in the bows, 
 but they were excellent sea boats, and the old Ship of State had 
 weathered many a storm, and had experienced in her day much 
 foul weather. Her figure-head was a crown. Her crew all told 
 numbered some six hundred and seventy hands, and was divided 
 into two watches, Starboard and Port, each having its captain, 
 lieutenants, petty officers, able and very ordinary seamen, cooks, 
 bottle-washers, swabbers, and adventurers. Of the latter there 
 were a goodly few in each watch, and they had but one star to 
 steer by ; but that one was of the very first magnitude. These 
 adventurers were a very busy body of men, and by keeping up a 
 
40 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 great noise, and pushing themselves to the front, they tried very 
 hard to feather their nests, or drop into some well-paid but sine- 
 cure office. They were frequently successful. 
 
 In the after part of the Ship of State the Buccaneer had p'aced 
 his second or Upper Chamber, into which he sent all those of his 
 sons who had done well. Here they enjoyed in peace and ex- 
 treme quiet their well-earned repose. When thus shelved they 
 were given titles, and were frequently endowed out of the public 
 purse. In early times some of the members of the Upper Cham- 
 ber had endowed themselves, but there were very few of the old 
 stock left. The principle that our Buccaneer had of promoting 
 his sons to the Upper Chamber was peculiar. It was not based 
 upon personal merit, nor at all times upon services rendered to 
 the State. Success in trade, or fidelity to a party, was generally 
 considered to be, by him, of the very first consideration. 
 
 The power that this Upper Chamber once had was extremely 
 great, but now all this had changed, and the old ship was worked 
 entirely, or nearly so, by whichever watch happened to be on duty. 
 Besides, as will be shown, the Upper Chamber had the misfor- 
 tune to fall under the displeasure of one of the ship's crew. 
 
 The Buccaneer dearly loved a lord, no matter whether he was 
 spiritual or temporal, and the women, with few exceptions, adored 
 them without distinction. There is perhaps too much obloquy 
 bestowed upon the toady and tuft hunter. Why should they be 
 so despised ? To love and revere the great is surely a commend- 
 able action. Are they not the salt of the earth ? Sometimes, in- 
 deed, the salt has a little lost its flavour, but what then ? Much 
 that is good must still remain, to which homage is due. It is the 
 birthright of those who, by their superior intelligence, wisdom, 
 and virtue, have placed themselves high up on pedestals, for 
 common humanity to bow down and worship them. 
 
 Who does not love a lord ? This esteem for the great is uni- 
 versal. Even the democratic cheap-Jack Jonathan dearly loved 
 a lord \ but as he had none of his own he had to make the most 
 he could out of other people's, and he did. It was thought by 
 many, that such a clever fellow as this Jonathan would not be 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 41 
 
 long without lords of his own ; but that he would manufacture a 
 few out of the cheap shoddy that he always had on hand. 
 
 The Upper Chamber ought to have been extremely wise, and 
 their councils even inspired, for their deliberations were sanctified 
 and leavened by the presence amongst them of a certain number 
 of Lords Spiritual. This gave a sort of Divine authority to the 
 great affairs of State. The priest's kingdom is not of this world ; 
 it is therefore all the more wonderful how in every age, and in 
 every clime, he becomes clothed, hemmed in, and perhaps ham- 
 pered by temporal power, which no doubt he wears as a garment 
 of sackcloth and ashes. 
 
 The Church Hulk, which was moored on that side of the Ship 
 of State away from the shore, was commanded by the Buccaneer's 
 High Priest, one celebrated for his piety and learning. His crew 
 was numerous and very able, though at times a mutinous spirit 
 showed itself on board when the authority of the High Priest was 
 openly defied ; but then it must be remembered that the church 
 was a church militant, and the priests true chips of the fighting old 
 Buccaneer block. The power of the Buccaneer's priesthood grew, 
 and waxed in strength, and gained such an influence over him 
 that he was not allowed to do anything scarcely without their 
 sanction, and before he set out on any of his predatory expedi- 
 tions he always asked the blessing and the prayers of the church, 
 and was very seldom if ever refused. This practice is followed 
 even now amongst brigands, in certain parts. These picturesque 
 cut-throats say their prayers before their favourite shrine, and 
 then sally out, slit a gullet and steal a purse with a clear con- 
 science, and take some of the spoil back if they be pious brig- 
 ands to their favourite shrine. 
 
 In time the Buccaneer's State Church became so extremely rich 
 that envious eyes were cast in her direction. Those on board of 
 the old Church Hulk denied her wealth, and they should have 
 known. Some of her crew were poor enough, heaven knows, and 
 the Great Hat was constantly sent round. The priest, he is by 
 nature a beggar. It is perhaps one of the few relics we have of 
 that time, when a pure religion was planted by a small band of 
 
42 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 mendicants, who had neither shoes upon their feet, nor money in 
 their scrips. 
 
 How beautiful is poverty at a distance. Songs have been sung 
 in its praise, but no one likes it. It pinches so, and in the Buccaneer's 
 island it was as the mark of Cain. There is something to be 
 said on its side though, for is it not written? "Happy are the 
 poor, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Twice happy are 
 they, for not only is theirs the kingdom of heaven, but they are 
 free from the social parasite who never leaves the rich man alone. 
 One attacks him and begs, because he has a large family born to 
 genteel poverty. Another has a church to be roofed or reno- 
 vated, or some distressing object of charity which he would will- 
 ingly hang round the neck of the rich man instead of his own, 
 until the rich man being tormented by a thousand and one im- 
 portunate beggars of high and low degree, feels inclined to ex- 
 claim, "Oh ! unhappy indeed am I, for not only is it harder for 
 me to enter the kingdom of heaven, than it is for a camel to go 
 through the eye of a needle, but also on earth I am not unfre- 
 quently set upon, and despitefully used by the common and vulgar 
 thief, while the hand of the whole world is against me." 
 
CHAPTER XII. 
 
 ON the mainmast of the Ship of State, high up above the domes 
 and minarets of the Buccaneer's chief city, he had placed his 
 crow's nest or look-out tub, where the look-out man was stationed. 
 This man had, as a matter of course, the usual number of eyes ; 
 but one was an official eye, the vision of which was peculiar ; for 
 it could see into far distant lands if so inclined ; but if not, there 
 could be no eye more blind, not being able to discover what was 
 going on under the nose placed by nature to its immediate front. 
 
 Then the Buccaneer had wonderful inventions, by which he 
 could communicate with all his foreign relations and receive in 
 turn what information it was their pleasure to give. 
 
 The way the Buccaneer filled up appointments on board of his 
 Ship of State was peculiar to himself. Adaptability, or knowledge 
 of the particular department, was of little or no consideration in 
 his eyes. If the hole to be filled was a round one, he took a 
 square man and jammed him into it, and left him to fit in as best 
 he could. This might appear difficult, and even detrimental to 
 outsiders, but to those accustomed to the peculiar system, things 
 soon settled down and worked pretty well. 
 
 He had a distinct objection to anything new. Change had to 
 be brought about slowly and by degrees. If there was any haste 
 in the matter, he started up at once, took fright and cried out 
 "revolution!" and then any necessary reform was thrust back 
 and considerably delayed. He loved patchwork. His Ship of 
 State was patched. His Church Hulk was patched, though of 
 course this was not admitted by the generality of her crew, who 
 declared that the order they sailed by had come down without 
 interruption from the fountain-head ; but there were differences of 
 opinion as to this even on board the Church Ship, and sometimes 
 
44 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 even heated discussions took place on other matters when charity, 
 and brotherly love, were either sent below, or kicked over the 
 ship's side for the time being. 
 
 The Buccaneer loved to mend and mend, not from any love of 
 economy, for his public expenditure far exceeded that of any of 
 his neighbours, and he gloried in the fact. If some article of his 
 own manufacture wanted repairing he would not take any of his 
 own material, but he would borrow or buy from his neighbours, 
 and clap on over his own product something peculiar to ether 
 people. It was nothing to him whether the thing suited or not, 
 he still held on the even tenor of his way with a doggedness 
 that was in him almost a virtue, because it overcame so many 
 difficulties. In course of time he became famed as the very best 
 tinker that the world had ever produced ; and this trade he 
 guarded with a jealous care and kept it entirely to himself. 
 
 Then the way he had of relieving his watches was peculiar. 
 He had no regular shifts, but when one of the watches displeased 
 him he just kicked them over the ship's side and sent the whole 
 crew about their business, and a fresh lot had to be selected by 
 the people on shore. It was also another peculiarity of his that 
 whenever the most learned, and wisest of his sons, could not solve 
 some difficult question of State, he appealed at once to the most 
 ignorant, and generally abided by their decision. On such 
 occasions his old coxswain took the helm and generally brought 
 him successfully out of his difficulties. 
 
 During the time the crew were on shore soliciting the suffrages 
 of the people they were ready to promise almost anything, if they 
 were only sent on board in charge, but memories were often 
 proved to be very short. The crew often abused each other 
 soundly, making use at times even of very bad language. This 
 was in a measure to be attributed to those who managed to creep 
 on board amongst the crew, who had not all the characteristics of 
 gentlemen ; and also to the establishment amongst the Bucca- 
 neer's people of a new university called Billingsgate, the 
 language and manners taught at his two ancient seats of learning 
 not being strong enough for the necessities of the age. There 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 45 
 
 were always Ojabberaways on board, and some of these had 
 neither the refinement of manner, nor the delicacy of feelings 
 peculiar to the thorough bred gentleman. 
 
 At one time the old Ship of State was the scene of polished 
 debate and pointed epigram, while the satire was delicate and 
 keen ; but now things had materially changed and the language 
 too often descended to gross personal abuse. 
 
CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 THE means the Buccaneer had of gaining his information, namely, 
 through the medium of his daily press, was confusing in the 
 extreme ; for all his papers took sides and showed the fighting 
 instincts of the head of the family. Columns were written upon 
 the same subject which was so decked out in. party colours as to 
 baffle all eiforts at recognition. Each paper acted the part of an 
 advocate, and by fixing upon the weak parts of an adversary tried 
 to conceal its own shortcomings. Under these circumstances it 
 was very difficult, if indeed it were possible, to find out the true 
 merits of a case. 
 
 Every day a battle raged, and frequently an opponent was 
 allowed neither learning nor knowledge, while occasionally he was 
 denied common honesty and even decency. The gentlemen of 
 the Buccaneer's press were a mighty power. Fall under their dis- 
 pleasure, and it would be wise to make peace with your enemy 
 quickly, or you would have a whole phalanx of quills charged to 
 the very tips with ink, levelled at you. Kings even were censured 
 and nations chided in the most patronising manner ; being 
 occasionally set at each other's throats, causes for quarrel being 
 found when none really existed. And often where a sore existed 
 between two people, it was not allowed quietly to heal and sink into 
 the regions of forgetfulness, but was kept open until perchance it 
 ended in an open rupture. Then having done this, the press 
 frequently sat in judgment upon the belligerents and censured 
 them for their bloodguiltiness ; and by persisting in being present 
 at the row, and chronicling the actions of each combatant, the 
 gentlemen of the press frequently did considerable damage to 
 both. 
 
 As information could not possibly be legitimately acquired to 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 47 
 
 keep so many papers going it had to be manufactured. Then 
 when a false rumour was started, there was soon a hue and cry 
 after it, and it was either run to earth, or caught and worried to 
 death in the open. Although the dailies gave themselves great airs 
 and mnny graces, posing often enough even as prophets, they 
 were a mighty power for good. They often redressed wrongs ; 
 brought abuses to light, and kept a rod in pickle for the back of 
 the evil doer. The press was not, however, without its incon- 
 veniences, and even evils. Taking a page out of Jonathan's 
 book, the Buccaneer had allowed the system of interviewing 
 celebrities to creep in. Distinguished persons were considered to 
 be fair game, and they were badgered, and bored to disclose their 
 inmost secrets. What they had had for breakfast, how they con- 
 ducted themselves in private life, whether they ate, drank, slept 
 and dressed as other people, or whether they had any peculiar 
 way of their own, was considered to be of the utmost interest to 
 the people. The method by which we conduct our everyday life 
 is somewhat confined. We can only sit in one way, which we 
 may perhaps slightly vary ; but the centre of gravity must be kept 
 within certain small limits. As a rule, there is but one mode of 
 getting into bed, namely, on either one side or the other, though 
 we have known cases in which the individual preferred to crawl 
 in at the foot. 
 
 Amongst other inconveniences must be named the newsvendor, 
 who every day, and at all hours up to late at night, rushed through 
 the street and cried up his wares in tones perfectly unintelligible, 
 and which ranged from the shrill pipe of the tender-aged gutter- 
 grub, to the deep gin-and-water voice of the full-grown and 
 matured drunkard. 
 
 High above the heads of the rest of the dailies stood the Great 
 Thunderer, as it was called. Every day it belched out dense 
 heavy columns from its paper throat, and it ploughed in amongst 
 the smaller fry and did occasionally great damage, this big gun 
 worked upon a pivot, and by the direction of its smoke you could 
 tell which way the wind of public opinion was likely to blow. 
 
 Once a week the weeklies sat in judgment upon the dailies. 
 
48 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 The monthlies pitched into both of these, and four times a year 
 the giant quarterlies strode in amongst the combatants, and dealt 
 destruction all round ; overcoming all obstacles by the sheer 
 weight of their columns. It was said that one of these big bullies 
 killed a man once, but this is one of those assertions that requires 
 confirmation. What one paper affirmed, another denied, and that 
 which to begin with was tolerably clear, soon became over- 
 clouded with prejudice and party feeling. 
 
CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 As is frequently the case in histories strides have to be taken, and 
 bridges have to be made over the river of time, so that we may 
 walk over in ease and comfort from one age to another. 
 
 At the time of which we now wish to speak, the Starboard watch 
 was in charge of the old Ship of State. The captain of this watch 
 was one William Dogvane, a celebrated sailor, and as shifty a salt 
 so it was said as ever trod a plank. His first lieutenant was one 
 Harty, as fine a sailor as ever chewed a quid, or drank a tot of 
 grog. A good hand all round and a thorough gentleman. Then 
 there were the other officers and petty officers, of whom it is not 
 necessary to make particular mention. Strange as it may appear, 
 some of the foremost hands will play a conspicuous part in this 
 history. To begin with, there was Pepper, the cook of the Star- 
 board watch, a great admirer, and supporter, of Captain Dog- 
 vane's. Then there was Billy Cheeks, the burly butcher, Joseph 
 Chips the carpenter, and Charlie Chisel his mate, all of the same 
 watch. Pepper was a merry clever little fellow, full of quips, jeers, 
 and jokes, but like most cooks he was a bit uncertain in his tem- 
 per. Put him out, and stand clear, or you would have a bucket 
 of water over you, either hot or cold, dirty or clean, just which- 
 ever happened to be nearest, before you knew where you were, 
 and from his language, a stranger might infer that he had taken 
 high honours at the university of Billingsgate. He was a great 
 admirer of the Ojabberaways. 
 
 The cook had a keen eye for the failings of others, but he was 
 a merry fellow with all, and excellent company, and though no 
 one really believed in him, all were ready enough to laugh, either 
 with him, or at him. It is true that such people do not, as a rule, 
 figure in history, but such things have been known. A dancer 
 
 D 
 
50 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 was once made prefect of Rome. Besides your cook is no ordin- 
 ary individual, for indirectly he rules the universe. He is the 
 foundation of peace and happiness, and the cause often of strife, 
 sorrow, and great suffering. A bloody war even may be indirectly 
 the consequence of the indiscretion, carelessness, or want of skill on 
 the part of some cook who has to prepare the food for some 
 kingly stomach. A little too much of one thing, or a little 
 skimpiness in another, brings on a fit of indigestion, accompanied 
 by mental irritation, and general loss of temper. Ministers are 
 abused, and have to bow their heads before the fury of the royal 
 anger. The bearing of some rival potentate assumes an alto- 
 gether offensive aspect. Heads are cut off; the prison opens its 
 gates, and many poor subjects are thrust in to contemplate in 
 silence the fickleness of fortune, or their own sins. Wars are de- 
 clared. Battalions are ranged against battalions, and human blood 
 flows like water, and all this commotion springs, may be, from the 
 kitchen, where the cook sits calmly ; bakes, stews, and fries as if 
 nothing had happened. 
 
 Most assuredly the cook holds a most responsible position in 
 the world, and it is not too much to say that the safety, honour, 
 welfare, and integrity, yes, and even the happiness and intelligence 
 of a people, depend in a great measure upon the head of the 
 kitchen. The cook should, therefore, take his place amongst the 
 high ministers of every state, for it is in his power to do far more 
 good, and to give far greater pleasure to the many, than your 
 prating philanthropist, who with meddling and muddling manners, 
 large heart, but, generally speaking, small head, tries his best to 
 make paupers of a people, and do harm generally. Your cook is 
 the prime minister to the greatest potentate in the whole world, 
 namely, king stomach, and therefore your cook, if he be a wise, 
 skilful, and virtuous cook, should hold a high place in every 
 community. My lord bishop do you cavil at my statement about 
 his majesty, king stomach ? Does he not dwell in the monastery ? 
 Does he not sit even at the priest's table, and say to the company, 
 eat, drink, and be merry ? Does the priest more than the layman 
 turn his back upon the succulent oyster, the truffled turkey, the 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 5 1 
 
 barded quail, the plover's egg, which may have cost a shilling, 
 though the honest tradesman only perhaps gave a penny for the 
 rook's egg, which he substitutes for it? Is the voice of our 
 mighty potentate never heard in the bishop's palace ? The priest 
 is but a man. True, but too often he looks upon himself as the 
 Lord's anointed who is to be approached with respect, and 
 listened to with reverence, when from his throne, the pulpit, he 
 preaches a self denial to others, that he does not find it con- 
 venient to practice himself. 
 
 As the Port watch were not on deck at the time of which we 
 are speaking, it is not necessary to say much about the men that 
 composed it, further than to mention that Bob Mainstay was the 
 capt-iin, and a most experienced seaman, quite equal, many 
 thought, to old Bill Dogvane, and very much more certain, 
 though he had not Bill's command of language. Indeed, few 
 had, for Bill could spin a yarn many fathoms long. The first 
 lieutenant of the Port watch was Ben Backstay, a safe steady 
 going seaman, universally respected, and both he and his captain 
 had had no finishing touches put on by the university of Billings- 
 gate, and in consequence they were courteous gentlemen. The 
 captain was perhaps a little imperious and keen of speech. Then, 
 of course, there were all the other officers and able seamen, and 
 there was a merry, clever little fellow, who though only a middy, 
 must not be lost sight of : for he was destined to rise step by step, 
 and even jumps to a high position in the old Ship of State. And 
 he will play no mean part in our present history. Random Jack 
 as he was called, delighted annoying old Dogvane, in fact, he 
 buzzed about the whole of the Starboard watch like a mosquito, 
 and was the merriest, and most cheery little devil that ever put on 
 a sailor's jacket. People at first laughed and jeered at the middy, 
 but he cared not. Only those laugh in the end who win, and he 
 was contented to bide his time, and through fair weather and foul, 
 in ups and downs, he never lost confidence in himself, and herein 
 lies the mainspring of greatness and very much of the world's 
 success. 
 
 It has been shown that the old fighting instinct of the Bucca- 
 
52 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 neer was present amongst all his children, and that it was not ab- 
 sent even on board of the Church Hulk. No wonder then that 
 it showed itself to a marked degree amongst his ship's crew, which, 
 however, had not as yet advanced so far as to run an opponent 
 through with three feet of cold steel or plug him with an ounce of 
 lead, like some of his neighbours ; nor was his ship's deck strewn 
 about with spittoons, like, it was said, Jonathan's at one time was. 
 In a matter of expectoration Jonathan was great. A spittoon, if 
 properly aimed at the head of an antagonist, political or other- 
 wise, might bring a debate to a speedy, and perhaps a satisfactory 
 conclusion. 
 
 Though Captain William Dogvane swore he was essentially a 
 man of peace, his life proved him to be a man of war, and he dis- 
 played a marvellous aptitude for getting into rows and then 
 swearing that they were none of his making. Then if he found 
 that he was getting the worst of a fight he would at once give in ; 
 own himself in the wrong, and apologize all round, and some- 
 times tread on peoples' toes in doing so, and consequently getting 
 more abuse than thanks for his disinterestedness. Dogvane said 
 it was a noble and magnanimous thing to own oneself in the 
 wrong, and so save bloodshed ; but his enemies said it was gener- 
 ally due solely to cowardice, and they had some reason for saying 
 this, as far as Dogvane was concerned, for he never owned him- 
 self wrong until he had been two or three times beaten in the 
 open, and then the enormity of the action not the beating be- 
 came apparent to him. This shifty old salt would at once ware 
 ship, and put all the blame for everything upon the other watch, 
 the members of which, if they only did a half of what old Dog- 
 vane accredited them with, deserved to be hanged, drawn, and 
 quartered. This skilled old sailor could sail on any tack and be- 
 fore any wind. In his lifetime he had been many things and had 
 served in both watches ; but there was nothing out of the way in 
 this, as it was no unusual thing for a man to commence in the 
 Starboard watch and finish up in the Port, and the reverse. Then 
 old Dogvane could do almost anything. There was nothing too 
 great for him to tackle. He could talk for hours upon the Mosaic 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 53 
 
 Cosmogony. Science would try to knock him over with facts ; but 
 Dogvane would, to his own entire satisfaction, prove that science 
 was altogether wrong. He would discuss religion, philosophy, 
 ethics, in fact, anything, with any past master in the craft, and he 
 had the quality, said to be peculiar to the race from which he 
 sprang, of never knowing when he was beaten. 
 
 The Ojabberaways who served on board the old Ship of State 
 were for the most part in the Starboard watch, and if by any chance 
 they changed over to the other side to serve their purpose, the 
 alliance was never of long duration nor was it altogether of an 
 honourable kind. 
 
CHAPTER XV. 
 
 A TIME came when things were said to be as they ought not to be; 
 discontent became very prevalent. It is always thus ; but the 
 people, it was said and with some show of reason had quar- 
 relled with their prosperity. Labour had combined against capital, 
 and the workers refused to work except upon their own terms. They 
 demanded shorter hours and more pay, Nor would they, if they 
 could help it, allow others to labour. The Buccaneer's system of 
 education had perhaps something to do with this state of things, 
 for it taught hi? children almost everything, except how to gain a 
 living, gave many of them exalted opinions, crammed their heads, 
 but left their stomachs empty, until in time the serving class bid 
 fair to be educated out of his island. All wanted to be masters 
 and mistresses, and the kitchen was looked down upon. Things 
 came to such a pass that it was far easier to obtain a governess 
 who could teach almost anything, for thirty pounds a year, than a 
 cook for the same amount, whose knowledge of her trade barely 
 soared as high as boiling a potato, or grilling properly a mutton 
 chop, and who even with this small amount of professional skill 
 was insolent if found fault with. 
 
 Then the Buccaneer's tradesmen, being true chips of the ancient 
 block, were frequently extortionists, if not actual robbers. They 
 were certainly well imbued with his first principle of trade, namely, 
 the turning of their five talents into ten, and some at least were 
 not above selling short weight and adulterating their merchandise; 
 but these of course were the dishonest ones, the black sheep that 
 are said to exist in every flock. Then before things reached the 
 consumer they had to be dealt with by the middle men, a species 
 of vampire who sucked a good deal of the profit out of the article; 
 so the consumer was driven into the hands of the foreign cheap- 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 55 
 
 Jack, who soon began to sell more than ever. The Buccaneer's 
 old coxswain, who, it must be owned, was a bit of a preacher, 
 and like all such a little prosy, spoke up as was his wont: "Mates," 
 he said, addressing a lot of grumblers, who had assembled to- 
 gether to air Iheir grievances, "don't you see you've got your 
 ship's head lying in the wrong direction ? You are cutting your 
 throats, my hearties, like a swimming pig, for while some of you 
 are quarrelling with your masters, and others of you are going in 
 for keeping up the prices, these furrin cheap-Jacks are doing a 
 thriving trade. Shipload after shipload of their merchandise is 
 coming in. They are ousting you, my lads, out of your own 
 markets, while you stand by, pipe in mouth and hands in pockets, 
 demanding your shorter hours and higher wages." " What would 
 you have us do, mate ? " cried a burly fellow from the crowd, as 
 he held his pipe in one hand and a quart pot in the other. " Are 
 we to work our souls and bodies out, day after day, and year after 
 year, while our masters are building up a pile, and palaces to put 
 it in ? We ain't agoing to work like some of our neighbours for a 
 mere nothing ; neither are we agoing to live on black bread and 
 sour crout ; so unless our masters are going to cave in and come 
 down with the needful, we are going to hold out. As for the 
 cheap-Jack fellows, let our master make 'em pay toll. Let's have 
 everything fair and above board. Put that in your pipe, old man, 
 and smoke it." " Lads ! " cried old Jack, " you are killing your 
 goose that lays the golden eggs ; or, you are frightening her ovtr 
 the water, which amounts to the same thing." "Let her go, mate. 
 If she stays here and stops laying eggs, we'll wring her neck, and 
 divide her carcass amongst us. We shall have a good feed then 
 anyhow, and be equal all round." So there were strikes, and a 
 great cry out against capital, and trade began to work down to- 
 wards the seashore, and unfolding her wings, prepared to take 
 flight to other and more congenial climes. 
 
 Whenever the old coxswain got his master's ear upon the sub- 
 ject, his favourite, Liberty, was sure to be on the other side, telling 
 him to let things alone. This aggravated old Jack, who one day 
 exclaimed ; " Pray, madam ! how far are you going to take our 
 
56 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 master along this road of freedom ? " " Good, honest Jack, that 
 is for you to say," cried madam, with a smile and a curtsey. 
 " Aye, aye, that is all well enough, my fine lady. But there is not 
 a place you don't go to with those doctrines of yours. You com- 
 menced upstairs in the parlour, and now you have gone down 
 into the kitchen, and heaven only knows where you intend to 
 stop. What is the use of my saying anything ? Where you lead 
 my master follows ; no matter whether the road you are on goes 
 to the devil or not. It is no use my holding on to his coat tails, 
 when you are coaxing him, cajoling him, and pulling him forward 
 by both his hands." So saying the old coxswain went his way, 
 muttering something about women in general, that was not alto- 
 gether complimentary to the fair sex. But the honest coxswain, 
 when ruffled, said, like many other people, very much more than 
 what he meant. 
 
 In the general running down of things the Buccaneer's women 
 did not escape. At one time they had been famed both for their 
 virtues, and their beauty. Of the latter it was said there was a 
 falling off. Indeed they were so pulled to pieces all round, by the 
 sharp talons of ill nature, that they were not left too many virtues 
 to plume themselves with. 
 
 Beauty it is well known is only skin deep, and in very many 
 cases it does not penetrate even so far. It can be laid on in the 
 morning and dusted off at night without much trouble, though no 
 doubt many beauties prefer to go to bed with the bloom on. 
 This kind of beauty has its merits. It withstands to a certain 
 extent the ravages of time ; art following close in the footsteps of 
 nature with the paint brush filling up the crevices, and washing 
 out the marks of the years that have hurried by. But it was said 
 that a good deal of the bloom on the young cheeks was not a 
 constant quantity, and that the cherry lips were not a fast colour. 
 That eyebrows and eyelashes were pencilled and hair dyed. If 
 this was not a foul libel how much was it to be regretted? Youth 
 requires neither putty nor paint to deck it off. For the old it 
 matters little ; the only people deceived are the artists themselves. 
 You may disguise the age somewhat, put back the hand of time 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 57 
 
 a year or so, but you can never make an old face look young ; 
 paint it up and putty it as much as you like. In the Buccaneer's 
 island there was indeed to be seen strange contrasts, such as dark 
 eyebrows and fair hair, but then nature does at times play sad 
 tricks, giving to animals more heads than, one, and occasionally 
 more than the usual quantity of tails, and even legs. 
 
 Suppose the Buccaneer's daughter did call in the aid of art. 
 They all do it, and in doing it, a woman only follows the instincts 
 of her nature, though some are so strong minded as to pay little 
 or no attention to personal adornments. The instinct above 
 alluded to is to be found in the daughter of nature, as well as in 
 her civilized sister, and is the one great link that binds female 
 humanity together. Is there a part of the civilized world yet 
 discovered where the female mind does not turn towards the em- 
 bellishment of the outward form? No doubt the first act of Eve 
 after the sad catastrophe in the garden of Eden, when she re- 
 covered from the temporary fit of despondency, was to seek some 
 smooth sheet of water, on which her fair face and form might be 
 mirrored, and with as little doubt her second act was to procure 
 the most becoming fig leaf, that the whole garden of Eden could 
 produce to deck herself in. In the general effect perhaps she 
 found some slight consolation, though she might regret there were 
 not more Adams than one. While in the West the female head 
 is decorated with hair taken, perhaps, from some one, who having 
 paid the debt due to nature has no further need for it, her sister 
 of ruder climes utilizes the bushy end of a cow's tail. While the 
 one uses cosmetics, pomades, and dainty perfumes, the other uses 
 earth, or clay, or things that by no means, or under any circum- 
 stances, can be called dainty. In passing, we may perhaps call 
 the attention to the strange perversion of the order of things that 
 seems to run through the civilized male mind of the West. Hairs 
 pulled from a horse's tail decorate the wise heads of judges, while 
 feathers plucked from the nether end of a cock, float over the 
 heads of Western warriors. Is there any subtle' influence of 
 nature at work here ? But to return to the ladies. 
 
 The female child of nature, instead of hanging round her neck 
 
58 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 precious stones, wears thin strings of beads, or berries, or even 
 shells, and this in many climates is no inconsiderable part of her 
 attire. Then where she places a bunch of reeds, or dried grass, 
 her civilized sister places tastefully a bunch of ribbons. The 
 same parts, present the same difficulties, as to picturesque decora- 
 tion. The progress of civilization is also shown in the use of 
 nose, lip, and ear-rings. The two former have vanished from the 
 fair faces of the West, but ear-rings still remain as a link to bind 
 us to the past, and though ankle rings have disappeared except on 
 the legs of French poodles, bangles are still worn. 
 
 As to the modesty of the Buccaneer's women. This is a deli- 
 cate matter and we pass over it with the remark that in this 
 respect they would bear favourable comparison with any of their 
 neighbours, though their language perhaps at times, and even 
 their manners, left somewhat to be desired. The modesty of a 
 woman must not be treated lightly, for it is to her, or should be, 
 as a diadem studded with precious stones, and a garment as 
 lovely to behold as the mantle of our Creator when dipped in 
 Autumn's rich and ever varying colours. 
 
 What for the most part attracted the eye of censure was the 
 manner in which the fashionable daughters of the Buccaneer 
 dressed of an evening. Then, in many cases, there was very little 
 clothing on above the waist ; but ample amends were made by 
 the length of the skirts, which trailed many yards in the dirt 
 behind. 
 
 This display of what are usually called the charms of a woman, 
 could not have been from any base motive; for had such been the 
 case the middle aged and old, would not have indulged in the 
 practice. There may be something very attractive about the 
 well-shaped neck and snow white bosom of a young and pretty 
 girl, when modesty is not altogether outraged, but there can be 
 nothing pleasing about too fleshy middle age, or the skinny old. 
 Besides had the desire been the base one of exciting the worst of 
 man's passions, the skirts of the fashionable dresses would have 
 been considerably shortened. A pretty foot and shapely ankle is 
 every bit as pleasing to the eye of man, as a naked bosom, though 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 59 
 
 here again the beefy heels of maturity, and the fleshless pegs of age 
 must be excepted. 
 
 We rather see in the above fashion an innate modesty born in 
 the female breast, and we detect in it a disposition ever present to 
 go back to the far off past. To that time, when the clothing of 
 our first mother was conspicuous by its almost entire absence. 
 It was all the more commendable on the part of the Buccaneer's 
 daughters to endeavour to re-establish this early state of innocence, 
 because his climate was dead against the movement, and it says 
 no little for the hardiness of his women, who could thus lay bare 
 so much of their bodies in a temperature notoriously inclement, 
 without suffering any ill effects. 
 
CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 THERE was a lively discussion going on now on board the old 
 Ship of State about the state of things in general. As to whether 
 trade really was depressed at home, and as to whether the Buc- 
 caneer's relations were all as they should be abroad. 
 
 The Port watch, who wanted to get charge of the old ship, 
 swore that things were at sixes and sevens. Their part of the 
 press gang took of course the same view, while the Starboard 
 watch, headed by Dogvane, declared with great zeal and certainty 
 that things were never better. 
 
 There was discontent even amongst the Starboard, or Dog- 
 vane's watch, some of the hands, namely, the carpenter, the 
 butcher, and the cook, and, of course, the carpenter's mate, 
 thinking that the old ship was out of date, and much too slow for 
 the times. The carpenter was for altering her, and for cutting 
 adrift the old hulk alongside. The cook was for breaking the old 
 ship up, and for building an entirely new one on lines of his own. 
 The new craft, he declared, would be a rapid sailer, very easily 
 managed and cheaply worked. These ideas grew and took root, 
 and were productive of certain fruit, as will be hereafter shown. 
 
 When the captain of the Port watch drew the Buccaneer's at- 
 tention to the general, as he said, unsatisfactory state of things, 
 old Dogvane shut one eye not his weather one that was always 
 open. " It does you credit," he said, " it does you credit ; but 
 bless you, my master isn't going to be taken in, in that way. It 
 is a trick, ur ; just a party trick," he said, turning to the Buc- 
 caneer, who with his cox'sn was standing on the quarter-deck, 
 wondering, as was his custom, whom he was to believe. 
 
 The Port watch now began to abuse old Dogvane, and many 
 of the long shore hands freely damned him ; but quite as many 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 61 
 
 blessed him, and were ready to crown him with laurels ; but he 
 was called by the Port watch a double-dealing, sly, foxy, old 
 fellow, who would commit any crime from pitch-and-toss to man- 
 slaughter, though not a soul had ever seen him indulging in either 
 of these games. 
 
 The carpenter declared that the Buccaneer's people were doing 
 a rattling trade in boots, shoes, and watches, while woollen stuffs 
 were all up. What a carpenter could know about such things it 
 would be difficult to say. Had it been nails, or screws, it would 
 have been quite a different thing ; but on board the old ship a 
 want of knowledge never kept a tongue quiet. Indeed, under the 
 system of a square man for a round hole, how could it be other- 
 wise ? 
 
 There was a lengthy and animated discussion on the matter, 
 which Random Jack, of whom mention has been made, took 
 advantage of to scud up aloft to the look-out tub. The shaking 
 of the rigging woke up the man on duty, who, from a matter of 
 habit, sung out " All's well." 
 
 Random Jack declared it was nothing of the sort, and he ac- 
 cused the look-out man of being asleep. "Then the middy hailed 
 the deck. " Below there ! " he cried, " I see clouds in the East." 
 This was a safe thing to say, for there were always clouds there 
 of some sort. He added, " Dust and smoke show there is a 
 heavy storm there. I see, too, a city in flames, and people are 
 being massacred." 
 
 The Buccaneer turned upon old Dogvane, the captain of the 
 watch on duty, and asked him what all this meant. Dogvane 
 was not in the least taken aback, no good sailor ever is, so he 
 said, " I cannot believe, sir, that anything is going on in the 
 East that should not be, because we have no official information 
 on the subject." It was a well known fact, that in the Buccaneer's 
 island, his official information was about the last that was ever re- 
 ceived. People often wondered what kind of an animal carried 
 his mail bags. Some said it must be a mule, or perhaps an ass. 
 
 Dogvane, to reassure his master, hailed the mast-head, and 
 asked the look-out man how the old ship was heading. This was 
 
62 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 the usual way of asking for information. The man on duty in 
 the tub immediately placed his official eye to the telescope, while 
 he firmly closed the other, and answered that the distant horizon 
 was quite clear. Then he added, " Some people are so precious 
 sharp that they stand a chance of cutting themselves." This 
 sarcasm was levelled at Random Jack, but he treated it with a 
 contempt that was peculiar to him. 
 
 When the little middy reached the deck he had a pretty tale to 
 tell ; but the cook said it was a parcel of lies, that the other 
 watch could scarcely be believed on their oath, and this depravity 
 very much distressed him ; for Pepper was an upright, and an 
 honest man. Billy Cheeks said trnt the young Tory Bantam, as 
 he called him, was a deal too fond of crowing, and that if he 
 came within striking distance of his fly flapper, he would take his 
 meals standing for some considerable time. The Ojabberaways 
 on board were highly delighted at the prospect of a row, for 
 nothing they liked better than a free fight, and they were always 
 ready to join in any devilment that would cause the old gentleman 
 annoyance. 
 
 Dngvane, seeing how things were going, delivered himself of 
 one of those speeches, for which he was celebrated. Having 
 hitched up his trousers fore and aft, like the good sailor that he 
 was, he said : 
 
 "All this stir, sir, is about nothing. As I said before it is just 
 a trick of the other side to shift watches. Clouds in the East ? 
 Of course there are. It is the very place we generally look for 
 them. I am creditably informed that all our relations are for the 
 most part friendly, and taking into consideration how interfering 
 and meddlesome relations usually are, this must be considered 
 highly satisfactory. At home the bright sun of prosperity shines 
 over all the land, while the songs of a contented people rise up 
 in a grand chorus to heaven." The cook hearing this winked at 
 the butcher, upon whose placid features there was a smile of ap- 
 proval and self-satisfaction ; but the good impression left by the 
 above beautiful language upon the mind of the Buccaneer, was 
 slightly clouded by a parting shot on the part of the captain of 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 63 
 
 the Port watch, who knew as well as Dogvane how to arouse his 
 master's suspicion. It could always be done by drawing atten- 
 tion to what were said to be the ambitious designs of some old 
 rival. Then our Buccaneer from a state of indolent indifference, 
 would often fly to the opposite extreme and suffer something in 
 the nature of a panic, under the influence of which he would for 
 the time being storm and rave. If he could, he would make a 
 scapegoat of some one. Perhaps he would kick his watch on duty 
 over the ship's side, and think to put all things straight by lavish- 
 ing his money upon every conceivable object. The fury of the 
 storm being over, he would again sink into his usual happy-go- 
 lucky state, and rest quietly until some one stirred him up again. 
 As some rusty old weathercock will not condescend to move for 
 anything less than a gale of wind, so it took a panic to rouse up 
 this wealthy and easy-going old gentleman. 
 
CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 IN the East there dwelt at this time a mighty Bandit, Bruin by 
 name. He was an old rival of the Buccaneer. It is said that 
 birds of a feather, either do, or should flock together ; but as a 
 matter of fact it is frequently found that they do not ; the feather 
 being too often a bone of contention. People would have thought 
 that these two celebrities, following as they did the same profes- 
 sion, with the exception that one pushed his trade more by sea, 
 and the other more by land, would have lived peacefully one with 
 another ; more especially as they were separated by a wide tract 
 of land and sea. Many old saws and sayings would justify this 
 belief ; but the Bandit and the Buccaneer could not hit it off to- 
 gether. The latter being quite a reformed, God-fearing and re- 
 spectable man, no doubt looked with horror upon the life that the 
 former was leading. It was strange too j because the Bandit was 
 an eminently pious, and Christian gentleman also ; but he had 
 not as yet made his pile, which of course made all the difference ; 
 and his people, though many of them were slaves, were beginning 
 to be unruly. 
 
 As to whether the Bandit was as cruel and as bad as he was 
 said to be, is open to doubt. It is well known that the devil is 
 not as black as what he is painted. Evil things were said even of 
 the Ojabberaways, and we know that once give a dog a bad name, 
 and you may as well hang him, or tie a string round his neck, and 
 fling him into the nearest pond. Some people no doubt would 
 have gloried in seeing this Eastern Bandit run up on the nearest 
 tree j but then he required catching. 
 
 Of the living why not be truthful ? There seems to be a pre- 
 valent opinion that this should be the case when we discuss the 
 characters of our enemies, and more especially of our friends to 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 65 
 
 whom we can make amends by saying nothing but what is good 
 of them when they are dead. This old sea king whose history we 
 take a delight in relating, had as has been shown a very quick eye 
 for the shortcomings of his friends. Looking over the heads of 
 his own little peccadillos, he fixed his keen gaze upon those of 
 his neighbours, and no one could find out an act of robbery 
 sooner than could this Buccaneering trader ; then his virtuous in- 
 dignation knew no bounds. 
 
 It was indeed a belief of his, that most of his neighbours were 
 ambitious and designing, ever ready to feather their own nests 
 at the expense of other peoples. Yet they were all eminently re- 
 ligious, prayed often, and professedly were all followers of the 
 same great Master ; but they all slept in armour, and were ready 
 on the slightest provocation to fly at each other's throats. Our 
 pious Buccaneer had learnt to look upon the East as a sort of 
 devil's playground, and the Bandit as the arch fiend himself who 
 he frequently thought was up to no good when the poor gentle- 
 man was perhaps actually engaged in his devotions. 
 
 The slightest allusion to the Eastern Bandit always alarmed 
 him, so the command was given on board the old Ship of State to 
 pipe all hands, and presently the bo'sn's whistle, followed by those 
 of all his mates, sounded merrily along the decks. Those below 
 hurried up, while those on shore hastened on board, and the 
 scene was soon one of the liveliest. Just as the last man tumbled 
 over the ship's side, there was a great commotion at the Port 
 gangway, and on looking over, a very queer powerfully made fellow 
 was to be seen trying to get on board ; but the rest of the ship's 
 company would not have him at any price. Pepper, the cook, 
 said the man was a friend of his, in fact, his mate ; but Pepper 
 spoke to deaf ears ; for the fellow would not swear, and it is a 
 well known fact that a seaman who will not swear cannot be a 
 good sailor. Several of the hands seized upon the intruder, and 
 suiting an old rhyme to the occasion, they commenced to sing 
 
 "Here comes a queer man 
 Who will not say his prayers, 
 So we take him by his two legs 
 And chuck him down the stairs." 
 
66 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 And they did, much to honest Pepper's disgust, who rated and 
 accused them well for their trouble. The man himself as he swam 
 ashore affirmed that he would return and serve yet on board of the 
 old ship. He kept his word ; was posted to Captain Dogvane's 
 watch, and became very much respected. 
 
 As was their custom, the Ojabberaways tried very hard to 
 monopolize the whole of the conversation, \vith their numerous 
 complaints, and they swore most stoutly that not a stitch of 
 business should the Buccaneer do until they were given their in- 
 dependence and freed from the yoke of the tyrant. When they 
 were told that all was being done for them that could in justice to 
 all interests be done, one of them said, " Indeed a mighty deal 
 too much has been done ; but in the wrong direction. We ask 
 for our freedom, and you give us a rope and bid us go hang." 
 
 Here some one amongst the crew who apparently had caught a 
 cold, sneezed, this the Ojabberaways took as an additional insult 
 upon their unhappy country, and because the insult could not be 
 withdrawn, they created a great disturbance, to quell which, two 
 or three of them had to be thrown overboard. The ship thus 
 lightened rode all the better, but the cook said it was a sinful 
 waste thus to sacrifice the Ojabberaways, when there was the whole 
 of the Buccaneer's Upper Chamber weighing the old ship down by 
 the stern. The discussion on board now took a lively turn, upon 
 an assertion which the carpenter had previously made about boots 
 and shoes being brisk. Some interested person declared that if 
 the trade was brisk the boots themselves were bad, as could be 
 seen by the Buccaneer's soldiers who were fighting in the East. 
 
 All the fat was now put into the fire, and there was a heated 
 argument as to whether the Buccaneer was or was not engaged in 
 warlike operations. There ought to have been no doubt about 
 such a thing, but there was. It was also asserted that the rascally 
 contractor was at his old game of starving both men and animals, 
 or giving them bad food, and so amassing a large fortune and 
 qualifying himself for promotion to the Buccaneer's Upper 
 Chamber. 
 
 The Buccaneer turned for information to his trusty Captain 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 6~ 
 
 Dogvane. " How is this, Master Dogvane ? " he asked, " I 
 thought you said my relations abroad were all good." 
 
 " Sir," replied the captain, " ever since the old Ship of State 
 was built nave there been these differences of opinion, and God 
 forbid that it should be otherwise ; it will be an evil day for my 
 master when his watches take so little interest in his affairs as to 
 cease to have wordy battles over them." 
 
 "But, Master Dogvane, whom am I to believe ? " 
 
 "A straightforward question, sir, demands a straightforward 
 reply. Believe in me." 
 
 At this there were loud jeers from the other watch, and many 
 voices were heard to say : <c Believe in him and he will run you 
 pretty soon into shoal water." 
 
 "Aye! aye !" cried Dogvane, "the same old cry. I have been 
 man and boy on board this old craft for many a long year, and 
 these hands have held the helm and so the old ship rides safe 
 and sound. Her bluff old bows riding superior to every storm. 
 Have not gales and hurricanes swept over these decks, and yet 
 she has risen superior to all ? Some say the old craft alongside is 
 in shallow water, and yet she seems peaceful and safe enough." 
 
 Here Random Jack said the captain was, as usual, drifting from 
 the point. 
 
 " Of course, my little man, you must have your say. It was 
 you that first set this ball a-rolling ; but hurry no man's cattle is ?. 
 safe cry. I was merely clearing my decks, as it were, for action." 
 
 Upon being pressed, Dogvane was obliged to admit that he 
 was engaged in operations of a warlike nature ; but he went intc 
 so many subtle distinctions as to the different kinds of warfare 
 that nobody could follow him. He swore that in the footsteps of 
 the other watch followed gratuitous and unprovoked war. " We 
 are not now at war," he cried in great warmth, "though I will not 
 say that we are not engaged in some kind of military operations 
 which, however, though offensive in form are purely defensive in 
 essence." Dogvane being apparently afraid lest he should be 
 called upon for an explanation turned the conversation by appeal- 
 ing to a weak part in his master's nature, namely, his religion. 
 
68 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 " Can we ever forget," he said, " the Divine Master we follow ? 
 Can we forget the principles of peace he taught us ? The opera- 
 tions I am now engaged in are only a part of that terrible 
 inheritance that the other watch left me." This of course brought 
 down a storm upon him from the other watch. " My aim," he 
 continued, " ever has been to maintain a friendly footing with all 
 your neighbours, and by keeping them in union together to 
 neutralize, fetter, and bind up the selfish aims of each." 
 
 "And the result of your labours," cried the captain of the Port 
 Watch, " has been to estrange our master from all his friends and 
 to land him in incessant troubles. Have you not bombarded a 
 friend's town ? " he added, " have you not massacred his people ? " 
 
 Dogvane could not altogether deny this, so he said : " It is 
 true that a few forts have been knocked down, but they were 
 better down than up; and a few people have no doubt been 
 killed, but what of what ? Accidents will happen in the very best 
 regulated undertakings." 
 
 Thus did the argument continue to the utter confusion of the 
 bold Buccaneer who cast his eyes towards the Church Hulk 
 alongside, and he inwardly wished that all was as peaceful and 
 secure as it seemed to be there ; but scarcely had the thought 
 crossed his mind than a great hubbub rose up and the sound of 
 controversy became loud. All eyes were turned towards the 
 Church Hulk, and many feared they were about to witness one of 
 those religious disputes which occasionally are so bitter and even 
 disastrous. Some thought it must at least be a mutiny. Con- 
 siderable relief was felt when it was found upon inquiry that it 
 was nothing more serious than a discussion as to the shape and 
 colour of the vestments in which our Creator was to be worshipped 
 in, and a rival sect nearly came to blows over the form of an 
 ecclesiastical hat. All this seemed strange, because the Church 
 Hulk professed to sail by orders which said : " Take no thought 
 for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, nor yet for 
 your body what ye shall put on." 
 
 If people squabble amongst themselves it soon becomes known, 
 and it soon began to be noised abroad that the Buccaneer's 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 69 
 
 Church Hulk was in danger, both from jealousy without and the 
 want of Christian charity and brotherly love within. It is certain 
 that some of the crew of the Ship of State had their eyes upon 
 her, and it got rumoured abroad that some fine morning people 
 would wake up to find she had either slipped her moorings or 
 been cut adrift. But has not this rumour ever been a lying rascal 
 and a fit lieutenant for the devil himself? 
 
CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 THE Buccaneer paced the deck of his old ship in a thoughtful 
 manner. Suddenly he stopped and addressed his captain. 
 " Dogvane," he said, " I have trusted you ; beware lest you de- 
 ceive me." 
 
 "Sir," said the captain, "the man who would deceive so good 
 and great a master would be base indeed." 
 
 "Is all this true that the other watch have said about my ships? 
 Am I in the wretched state they say ? Where has gone all my 
 money ? " 
 
 " Master, allow not the idle shafts of the Port Watch to trouble 
 you. They are greedy of office, and to gain their ends, they mag- 
 nify some things and totally misrepresent others. Believe not 
 what they said about your ships and about your trade. Bloated 
 armaments, sir, are a source of danger ; exciting the fear, jealousy, 
 and suspicions of your neighbours ; draining your exchequer, and 
 feeding like a foul canker upon the fair flower of your industries. 
 You are no longer a bold Buccaneer, sailing the seas in search of 
 plunder. You are no land stealer. The object of your life is not 
 now to carry fire and sword into your neighbour's country. You 
 are a respectable trader, peaceful and industrious, a Christian, 
 with religious principles to act up to." 
 
 " Yes, Master Dogvane j but there are those about, who, if I 
 am not ready to protect my own, will save me the trouble." 
 
 " Sir, it is not right to have so base an opinion of the world ; 
 but your armaments are fully equal to all your needs." 
 
 " In this, Master Dogvane, I must perforce believe you. But 
 how about that rascal Bruin ? He has committed depredations 
 in the past. He is a grasping fellow too, and I have my suspicions 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 7 1 
 
 that there may be some truth in what I hear. He may be cast- 
 ing sheep's eyes at my fair Indian Princess." 
 
 " So long as they are only sheep's eyes, sir, where is the harm ? 
 The lamb which is the forerunner of the sheep is the emblem of 
 peace. Suspicion, my master, is the attribute of either a base or 
 weak mind, and is unworthy of you, The Eastern Bandit I have 
 always found a pious and truthful man ; only requiring to be 
 known to be appreciated. Honest too, as times go; but awkward 
 when vexed." 
 
 We must leave the Buccaneer in the hands of his skilful captain 
 and take a turn ashore. The Port Watch having collected crowds of 
 idlers addressed them on the general depressed state of affairs, 
 and they found ready listeners. No one considers himself so 
 well off but that he wants something more. There was a general 
 and continued cry out against the foreign cheap-Jacks. The 
 blackguards who take advantage of every breath of discontent to 
 preach their doctrine of universal plunder had merry times, and 
 their tongues wagged at the street corners, in the parks, and other 
 public places. These fellows had a following, for they held up 
 before the eyes of the poor a picture of plenty, while the criminals 
 saw in them instruments to help them on in their trade. The 
 sound of their many voices surged up like the angry roar of wild 
 beasts in some distant jungle. 
 
 But now all eyes were turned towards the old Ship of State, for 
 a sight was to be seen that had not been seen in the memory of 
 living man before. It was nothing more nor less than the portly 
 form of the old Buccaneer struggling with difficulty up the rigging, 
 and behind him came the lithesome form of old Dogvane; both of 
 them were evidently bound for the crow's nest, below which the 
 legs of the look-out man could be seen hanging like the legs of 
 some huge stork. 
 
 There was a look of anxiety on the captain's face, as though he 
 feared the consequences of that climb up aloft. It might upset 
 the gravity of so portly an old gentleman as his master had grown 
 to be, and he might look at things with a temper somewhat clouded 
 by anger. Then the look-out man might be found asleep at his 
 
72 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 post. That some such thoughts occupied old Dogvane's mind 
 was evident, for, making some excuse, he passed his master in the 
 rigging and hurried to the top. The man in the tub was so lost 
 in his own meditations that he did not see the captain enter ; but 
 a kick startled him, and he cried, " Look out ! " "I am going 
 to," was Dogvane's reply. He then added : " Now, look alive, 
 my hearty, and show me the official slides." 
 
 The Buccaneer arrived in the top, puffing and blowing and 
 quite exhausted, for it was a stiff climb for one so stout. He was 
 breathless, and his face was as ruddy as the setting sun. As he 
 sat swabbing himself, as the sailors would say, he heard the mur- 
 murs of the crowd down below on shore rising up. " What noise 
 is that ? " he asked of the captain. 
 
 " That, sir, is the lowing of your many herds," was the reply. 
 Dogvane was a ready man. 
 
 Now, when the people on shore had recovered from their first 
 surprise, their tongues began to wag freely. 
 
 " At last ! " cried one, " the old man is roused ; now we shall 
 see what happens." 
 
 " Not much, my mate," cried a second, " don't you see old 
 Dogvane is up aloft too." Of course this was either a Port watch- 
 man, or one with Port watch sympathies. 
 
 " It is a pity," cried a third, " that the old gentleman did not 
 mount aloft before and take a look round for himself; then he 
 would have seen how things were going on. For, drat my buttons 
 if you can believe any of these land lubbers below." 
 
 " Ah ! it's all very well to talk," said another, " but the old 
 gentleman is not so active as he used to be. Prosperity has made 
 him lazy too, and good living has made him thick in the wind." 
 
 " There is life in the old man yet," cried another. And so it 
 went on through the crowd. Several levelled their telescopes at 
 the mast head of the old ship, and there were general regrets at the 
 apparent absence of the Buccaneer's old coxswain, for the people 
 believed in him. There was now what bid fair, at one time, to 
 end in a general free fight between partisans of the two watches, 
 and of course the Ojabberaways were quite ready to join in, for 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 73 
 
 wherever heads were to be broken there they were sure to be; but 
 a peaceful turn was given to the affair by Random Jack jumping 
 upon an empty beer barrel and declaring, as he took off his jacket, 
 that he was ready to meet in single combat, any man double his 
 size of the Starboard Watch, and bid any one who liked to carry 
 his challenge on board, either to the cook or to Billy Cheeks, the 
 burly butcher. 
 
 " Listen to the lad ! " the people cried and laughed ; but no 
 one took up the challenge. 
 
 " Well, my mates," cried an old salt, " let us wait and see what 
 comes of it all. For my part I doubt much good, with old Dog- 
 vane up there too." 
 
 " What can he do, pray, if the old man takes a look for him- 
 self?" said another. 
 
 " What can he do ? " cried Random Jack. " Look here, my 
 hearties ; that is a difficult question to answer when old Bill is 
 concerned. For there is little he can't do, and there is not a 
 trick or a dodge that that old fox is not up to. Why, he would 
 get the weather side of the devil himself. Now, listen to me, my 
 lads. Ah ! it's all very well for you slavish followers of old Dog- 
 vane to put your tongues in your cheeks and flout and jeer, but 
 those laugh in the end who win, and my merriment is yet to come. 
 Now I will tell you what old Dogvane will do. He will make our 
 master look through the wrong end of the telescope, or he will 
 put in coloured lenses, or glasses with pictures painted on them, 
 or he will do something to deceive ; and whatever he does his 
 crew will swear it is right, more especially the cook, the carpenter, 
 and the burly butcher ; but I have my eyes upon them ; and I 
 will smoke them out yet." 
 
 People laughed out right at these bold words of the little 
 middy's. Many of the old salts said the boy would grow into no 
 ordinary man, and that if he lived he would achieve great things. 
 This Random Jack fully believed himself; and perseverance as 
 is well known conquers all things. It is only necessary to be con- 
 stantly dinning into the ears of people our own particular merits, 
 and in time the most obstinate will give in and take you at your 
 
74 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 own valuation. In no other way can very much of the success 
 we see in the world be accounted for. 
 
 If you are an impostor, the course of events may perhaps find 
 you out, but it is hard to overthrow even a humbug when once 
 fully established, and if he is knocked over he is sure to retain 
 some of his followers and believers, who will worship him as a 
 martyr, and he may even finish up by being canonized as a saint. 
 
CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 THE look-out place at the mast head of the old Ship of State had 
 many names, and amongst the rest it was called the owl's nest. 
 This bird is sagacious looking ; but by some people it is con- 
 sidered stupid, though perhaps rats, and mice, and other like 
 vermin, think he is sharp enough for them. From this point of 
 vantage Dogvane was bidding his master to behold the bright 
 things that lay beneath him. " Look around you," he said, "and 
 your eyes will rest upon a beautiful picture ; upon fields of golden 
 corn bending their heads ready for the sickle of the reaper ; upon 
 pastures well stocked with flocks and herds and upon a contented 
 and a happy people." Just as the Buccaneer was stooping down 
 to adjust his eye to the telescope, Dogvane very deftly slipped in, 
 as the clever little middy had said he would, a slide beautifully 
 painted with rural scenes, for what he had said existed only in 
 his imagination, for a good deal of the land was lying fallow. 
 The Buccaneer seemed lost in wonder and admiration, and was 
 silent ; but Dogvane kept talking all the time. Conjurors always 
 do this to distract the attention of their audience, otherwise their 
 imposition might be found out. " Your eyes rest, sir," the captain 
 said, " upon a peaceful scene ; no one would think that all those 
 quiet looking villages, with their churches, stand over the bones 
 of dead pirates." The Buccaneer did not like this allusion to his 
 past life so he said : 
 
 " Master Dogvane ! there are but few men that have not had 
 their early indiscretions. Even the very best of us in looking 
 back wish some things undone. Many a saint has commenced life 
 as a sinner; then let the dead past be buried, and often the 
 greater the sinner the greater the saint. The first public act of 
 Moses was a murder." 
 
76 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 Dogvane took advantage of this diversion to slip in another 
 slide. " Behold ! " he cried, " your happy villages, with their 
 churches, nestling in amongst the trees. Behold your towns and 
 cities, the monuments of your industry and intelligence ! See the 
 tall tapering chimneys rising far into the murky sky. Look down, 
 my master ; look down at your rivers thickly studded with in- 
 numerable ships." Dogvane said not a word about the nation- 
 ality of those ships. He did not tell his master that they 
 belonged, a good many of them, to the innumerable cheap-Jacks 
 that infested the shores. 
 
 " Dogvane ! " cried the Buccaneer, as he wiped the small glass 
 of his telescope, " I see chimneys enough ; but I see no smoke 
 coming from them. They seem to me to be mute monuments 
 raised to a dead industry." The artist had quite forgotten to put 
 the smoke in. Perhaps he painted from nature some artists do. 
 Dogvane was quite equal to the occasion, " We compel all your 
 subjects, sir, to consume their own smoke." 
 
 This of course was not the case, if it had been, the Buccaneer's 
 people would not have had to live at times in a gloom that made 
 mid-day scarcely distinguishable from midnight. 
 
 Do I accuse a high official; a man whose character was as that 
 of the wife of Caesar, of not adhering to the truth ? 
 
 Heaven forbid, that we should be so profane. But even truth 
 at times must be suppressed, and though this may be considered 
 by the straight-laced and sickly minded to be lying by implica- 
 tion, it is not so. It is done in the very best and most pious 
 society ; and in a high state of civilization it is absolutely neces- 
 sary ; because truth hurts the feelings of the refined. 
 
 The tinkling of many bells rose up on the air, and hovered for 
 a while over the crow's nest. " What sound is that ? " asked the 
 Buccaneer. " The bell wethers, sir, ringing out their glad tidings 
 of large and multiplying flocks." It was nothing of the sort. It 
 was the muffin man going his constant and monotonous rounds. 
 
 " Listen, sir ! " exclaimed Dogvane in high glee, " to the merry, 
 but perfectly unintelligible cry of your happy costermongers. 
 From dewy morn till dewy eve they vend their wares." 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 77 
 
 " If their cry, Master Dogvane, is unintelligible, why allow them 
 to disturb the quiet of my people ? " 
 
 " For all that I do, sir, there is a goodly reason. One of the 
 favourite cries of our enemies is that we are revolutionists, up- 
 setters, and destroyers of cherished customs. We refute this base 
 slander by pointing to your costermongers. Here is a time- 
 honoured institution that we have left untouched, and if the merry 
 voice of the costermonger is to be silenced the guilt shall be on 
 the head of the Port Watch, for old Bill Dogvane will have 
 nothing to do with it." After this burst of impassioned eloquence 
 the captain of the Starboard Watch wiped a glistening tear from 
 his eye, took a little time to get his breath and then continued : 
 " Look at your sanitary arrangements ! In a matter of drains 
 you have not an equal." 
 
 " All this is very well, Master Dogvane, and at home things 
 may be sound enough ; but how about my neighbours ? " 
 
 "Your neighbours, sir? oh ! I am credibly informed that in a 
 matter of drains they are not good. I believe they have none ; 
 or if they have, I have no official information on the subject." 
 
 " Confound their drains, man ! How do I stand with them ? " 
 Saying this, the Buccaneer turned his glass to distant parts. Dog- 
 vane tried very hard to distract the attention of his master, so 
 that he could turn the telescope round until the small end might 
 be where the big end ought to be ; but he had no opportunity ; 
 neither had he any foreign slides. This was an oversight, and 
 Dogvane was disconcerted. He tried to persuade his master by 
 all manner of devices, not to trouble himself about other people's 
 affairs. Told him that he was looked upon with jealousy, as all 
 great and good men are ; but that he ought to be too wise to 
 mind what people said. 
 
 This rather flattered the Buccaneer's vanity. So long as he 
 was feared and respected that was all he cared for. This was not 
 right from a Christian point of view ; but we must not expect too 
 much ; for the flesh is at all times weak, and man has been en- 
 dowed with certain qualities that will occasionally assert them- 
 selves. Was not the Hulk alongside the old Ship of State, the 
 
78 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 custodian of all Christian principles ? Would you find charity 
 and humility reigning supreme there ? Good people all, beneath 
 the priestly frock there sometimes beats a hard and unforgiving 
 heart. Saint Chrysostom was a godly but outspoken man ; one 
 of strong convictions. He expressed an opinion that in his day 
 the number of bishops who might be saved bore a very small pro- 
 portion to those who would be damned. We live in better times, 
 and the balance now would be no doubt against the devil. At 
 least let us be charitable, and hope so. 
 
 The Buccaneer kept his gaze fixed upon the East, and Dogvane 
 was not experiencing an ecstasy of delight. Presently his master 
 cried, "Eh! what is that I see?" Dogvane seized the glass and 
 placed his eye to the hole, " It is nothing, sir, but a dust storm. 
 Such things are of frequent occurrence in the East, and very try- 
 ing and disagreeable they are to those who have to live there. 
 This is no doubt what that youngster, Random Jack, made such 
 a fuss about." 
 
 " But who is kicking up the dust ? " the Buccaneer demanded. 
 Dogvane ran through a number of common and ordinary causes 
 for such tilings, which however did not seem to satisfy his master, 
 who said to the captain's surprise, " Dust storm, or no dust storm, 
 Master Dogvane, I am going to take a look there myself. There 
 is no knowing but what the Bandit of the Earst may be behind 
 that cloud." 
 
 "Ah! the old scare!" muttered Dogvane. " Down on deck 
 and pipe my yacht's crew away ! " cried the Buccaneer as he pre- 
 pared to descend. Dogvane was for making a thousand excuses, 
 the manufacturing of which was to him a matter of the greatest 
 ease. But it was of no use, and so down he went to comply with 
 his master's bidding. He was still more horrified when he learnt 
 that it was his master's intention to make a few calls on his 
 neigh '"ours on his way to the East. 
 
 "What do you want to leave home for now, sir, when all your 
 people are so happy and comfortable ? " Dogvane asked as he 
 went down through the lubbers' hole. 
 
 " And what better time, pray, could I choose ? '* 
 
Life of a Celebrated Bitccaneer. 79 
 
 " But your neighbours may not like to be taken thus un- 
 ceremoniously ? " Dogvane said as he began to descend. 
 
 " A friend, Master Dogvane, is always welcome, and by our 
 reception we shall see in what estimation we are held." 
 
 " But, sir," cried Dogvane, looking up from the rigging. 
 
 " But me, no buts, Master Dogvane, but do as you are told; so 
 down you go." 
 
 Dogvane seemed to have lost somewhat of his alacrity, for he 
 took a terrible long time in reaching the deck, and kept up a 
 running accompaniment to his thoughts, which, however, was not 
 loud enough to be heard, and therefore cannot be recorded ; 
 though it is safe enough to assume that so good a man made use 
 of no bad language. Something evidently troubled the old cap- 
 tain's mind, for when the two of them reached the deck, he said, 
 " Master, you must not listen to everything you hear against the 
 great Bandit of the East. People are not all honey behind your 
 back. In the past you have ever been too ready to draw the 
 sword, following the example of those who fight first, and argue 
 afterwards." 
 
 " Because, Master Dogvane, experience has taught me that if 
 you thrash your enemy first he is the more amenable to reason." 
 
 " That, honoured sir, was all very well in an uncivilized and 
 barbarous age. When the mind was not open to reason, and when 
 the manners had not been softened by Christianity, then the 
 sword was, no doubt, a good major premise ; but now, sir, it should 
 never be drawn except through dire necessity. In a just and 
 good cause I am ready to shed my last drop of blood for you." 
 
 " Nobly said, Dogvane ! nobly said ! " exclaimed the Buc- 
 caneer, as he slapped old Dogvane in an approving manner on 
 the back, thereby nearly knocking all the wind out of his body. 
 
 " But, mind you, master," Dogvane said, " I must be assured 
 that the cause is just. An appeal to arms should only take place 
 when the noble art of diplomacy has failed. Then, sir, by all 
 manner of means draw the sword." 
 
 "Master Dogvane ; tell me what is Diplomacy?" asked the 
 Buccaneer. 
 
8o Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 "Diplomacy, sir, is the polished and courteous method that 
 one nation has of conducting business with another." 
 
 " To my mind, Master Dogvane, it is the polished method by 
 which one nation tries very often to overreach another. Strip it 
 of its courtly paraphernalia and you often find this Diplomacy to 
 be a lying, intriguing, cheating, and unprincipled rascal, that 
 every honest man ought to shun. Look you ! it has been said 
 that by this self-same Diplomacy 1 have lost a good deal of what 
 I have won in fair and open fight." 
 
 Dogvane sighed over his master's want of enlightenment. But 
 he knew too well that in his present mood he was not to be 
 reasoned with, so what could a poor sailor do ? What cannot be 
 cured must be endured. Dogvane felt assured that everything 
 was to be put down to the fallacious teachings of the Port Watch, 
 and had he not been the pious man that he was he would un- 
 doubtedly have damned all their knavish tricks, if nothing else. 
 
 The cook, the butcher, and the carpenter, could see that some- 
 thing was amiss by the troubled look upon their captain's face, 
 so they were not at all surprised to hear the bo'sn's whistle pipe 
 the crew of the bold Buccaneer's royal yacht away ; to be one of 
 the crew of which was esteemed a great distinction, as it was a 
 sure road to preferment. The cook only hoped the old man, 
 meaning the Buccaneer, was not going to make a fool of himself ; 
 but he had his doubts, of course. Had the sagacious and learned 
 Pepper been one of the party to give his master the benefit of 
 his advice it would have been a different matter altogether. 
 
 But where is the old cox'sn all this time. Is the Buccaneer 
 going to make his round of calls without his right-hand man ? 
 
 Good people all, the cox'sn was on shore moving about 
 amongst the people, doing good after his humble fashion, wherever 
 he could. He did not always accompany his master, more is the 
 pity ; but the truth must be told. He could not at all times get 
 on with Captain Dogvane, and old Jack Commonsense was not 
 much of a traveller. 
 
CHAPTER XX. 
 
 JUST as the Buccaneer was about to start upon his round of calls, 
 the snowy white sails of a large ship were to be seen gliding, as it 
 seemed,, over the fields that hemmed in his principal river ; the 
 hull of the stranger being hidden by a bend. From her mast- 
 head flew a star-spangled banner, and the well-known strains of 
 Yankee Doodle came floating up on the southerly breeze. " Ah !" 
 exclaimed the Buccaneer, " Here comes Jonathan, our cheap-Jack 
 cousin : been home to refit and reload I suppose." Presently a 
 long blac'v hull with a good sheer forward came, as it were, out of 
 the low lying land below the city. 
 
 In days long gone by, such a suspicious looking craft would 
 have made the bold Buccaneer beat to quarters, when out would 
 have gone his guns, but times had greatly changed, and pirates of 
 the open and declared type were not to be seen on Western waters. 
 The black flag with death's head and cross-bones is never boldly 
 run up now to the masthead as in the good brave days of old. It 
 frightens people. So all robberies both on sea and land are done 
 under more respectable looking flags ; and very much more 
 genteelly. No walking the plank, no running up to the yard arm. 
 Now a whole crew are sent to the bottom of the sea at a single shot, 
 and there is an end of them. 
 
 The stranger finding a comfortable berth, rounded to, as sailors 
 say. Splash went her anchor, rattle, rattle went her chain. 
 Down came the yards, clewlines and buntlines were well manned, 
 and up went the snowy sails. The nimble seaman scudded up 
 aloft, and rolled up the canvas, and everything was trimmed down, 
 and hauled taught, and his yards squared in proper ship-shape 
 fashion. " Bravo, Jonathan ! " cried the Buccaneer. "Nearly as 
 
82 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 well done as I could have done it myself. True chip of the old 
 block ; eh ! Dogvane ? " 
 
 "Yes, sir: and at driving a bargain, or getting the better of a 
 friend, our Jonathan has not an equal." 
 
 Presently a boat impelled by lusty arms and hands shot round 
 the stem of the old ship, and brought up alongside, and a tall 
 lanky fellow with a big pack on his back stepped on deck. In an 
 easy tone of familiarity he saluted the old Buccaneer. " Wa'al, 
 old hoss, how are things with you ? " 
 
 "Pretty well, Jonathan ; pretty well," replied the Buccaneer. 
 
 " Glad to hear it ; heard things wasn't quite O.K. Ever taste 
 O.K. bitters ? No ! Wa'al, they would just revive a corpse, O.K. 
 bitters would, you bet. Let us deal," he said as he took his pack 
 off, and began laying his merchandise out on the deck. " I say, 
 Boss, could you make it convenient to have this aire stream of 
 yours widened ? It puts me more in mind of one of our drains 
 than anything else." 
 
 The old Buccaneer was highly indignant at his principal river 
 being spoken of in such a disrespectful manner, and he replied 
 with much dignity: " My river, Master Jonathan, is good enough for 
 me, and if it is too narrow for other people, they can stay 
 away." 
 
 " No offence, Boss, no offence. It does look small after our 
 Mississippi, that would be an eye-opener for you, old hoss. But 
 this. ain't business. Now, here we have a lozenge that will cure 
 anything, from a cough to a broken leg. Here's a pill fit to 
 physic creation. Honest sailor," he said, addressing Dogvane, 
 " try this pill. It will make your hair stand on end. Take a 
 box for the sake of your family. Each pill is worth a pound, let 
 you have a whole box for one shilling and a penny ha'penny. You 
 have a son, a hopeful boy, give him a pill, if not a pill, try him 
 with this pickle, it will sharpen his understanding and make him a 
 credit to his family. Just you ask who cured Stonewall Jackson ? " 
 Dogvane declared he did not want anything ; but Jonathan still 
 cried up his wares. " Try this cocktail before going to bed, it will 
 make your teeth curl. Talking about teeth ; in teeth I guess we're 
 tall. Now here is a set that one of your ecclesiastical big guns 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 83 
 
 has asked God's blessing on, and they're up a quarter dollar ac- 
 cordingly." 
 
 "Jonathan !" the Buccaneer said, "I have long wished to have 
 a little private conversation with you." 
 
 "All right, Boss, I thought something was up, chuck it off your 
 chest, whatever it is, it will relieve you." 
 
 " I don't think it either neighbourly, or friendly, Jonathan, on 
 your part to harbour people who plot against my life and pro- 
 perty." 
 
 " What ! Have you found out, old hoss, that snakes bite ! 
 You've harboured a good deal of vermin in your day, and you 
 can't blame me for doing what you have done yourself. No, 
 Sirree, that cock won't fight. Why, you've given an asylum to the 
 cut-throat rascals of every nation under the sun, and when you 
 could not find room for them, you have sent them over to me." 
 
 " I have only given an asylum, Jonathan, to the oppressed." 
 
 " That is only one way of looking at it, Boss. Too fine a name 
 for a fellow with a bowie knife up his sleeve, and a six-shooter in 
 his pocket ; if he cries ' hands up,' old man, where are you ? But 
 this ain't business, honest sailor," here he again addressed Dog- 
 vane. " Buy this baby jumper for the missis. It will rock your 
 child to sleep, wake it in the morning, wash it, dress it, slap it 
 and feed it, and all for a few dollars. You have a son ? No father 
 of a family should be without this article." Then turning to the 
 Buccaneer he said, " I reckon my gals are leaving your gals 
 standing. They are just taking away all the cream of your men. 
 Now, here's a notion, that may be will mend matters, try a cargo 
 of these patent palpitating bosoms. They are warranted to go ; 
 they are as natural as life, and ever so much more convenient, for 
 they can be taken off at night and put on in the morning. They 
 never increase, and not like some cheap kind of article, you never 
 see them under the shoulder, at the back, instead of in their pro- 
 per places in front ; buy a pair on trial." 
 
 " Stay, Master Jonathan, let us settle one thing at a time. Is 
 it right for you to let the Ojabberaways hatch their infernal plots 
 against me in your country ? " 
 
84 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 "Look here, old boss, the Ojabberaways are blowers; then let 
 them blow. It satisfies the darned skunks, and it don't hurt you. 
 It aint safe in these high pressure times to sit upon your safety- 
 valve. Let 'em blow off." 
 
 " I don't mind their blowing off, Jonathan ; but I object to the 
 skunks, as you call them, blowing up. As for blowing off; why, 
 my parks and public places, are regular blow-holes, where demo- 
 crats, demagogues, socialists, and blasphemers may, and do, 
 howl themselves hoarse." 
 
 " It don't seem to me, old hoss, that you are altogether boss of 
 your show. You are trying to run your ryal car on a democratic 
 gauge, and you'll either run off the track or you'll bust your biler. 
 But this ain't business, won't you buy ? Honest sailor, here's a 
 knife that will lick creation ; and here's a watch I reckon we are 
 pretty big in watches. This child of nature is just leaving the 
 rest of the world standing." Jonathan seeing that he could do 
 no business, said, as he packed up his things : " Trade does seem 
 dull ; but I'll just look round shore. This island of yours is so 
 darned small, and your cliffs are so high, that it is dangerous to 
 walk after nightfall. You should just come over to our side of 
 the water ; you'd see something like a patch of land, you bet." 
 Jonathan went forward to see if he could do any business amongst 
 the crew. The carpenter wanted to deal with him in nails ; then 
 the cook wanted to clear out the Buccaneer's lumber-room ; and 
 the packman said that for a duke or two, or a couple of lords he 
 would spring some dollars ; for that he had none in his country, 
 and accordingly they were very highly esteemed. He did love a 
 lord. Then he wanted to exchange a dozen brow-beating 
 barristers for one incorruptible judge ; but the cook, the carpenter, 
 and Billy Cheeks, the butcher, all said, that of brow-beating 
 barristers, their old man had enough and to spare, and they could 
 not part with any of their judges. As the cheap-Jack went over 
 the ship's side, he said he had, he feared, mistaken the 
 latitude and longitude, for he thought by the way things were 
 going, he must be in the neighbourhood of Jerusalem. When he 
 got ashore he had still greater reason for thinking this, for the 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 85 
 
 Hebrew element was so strong that he declared there was little 
 chance of .an honest man getting a living. Many of the Jews 
 tried to modernize their names, but do what they would, they 
 could not change their natures. 
 
 Just as Jonathan, the packman, was stepping into his boat, the 
 cook looked through one of the port-holes and asked him if he 
 had any need for the Buccaneer's lion. Jonathan said he thought 
 the animal was not sound, but the cook declared that he was ; 
 only a little out of wind, having done a good deal of roaring in 
 his da)*. Jonathan offered in exchange a skunk, which he de- 
 clared was a most useful and valuable animal, respected alike by 
 friends and enemies ; but they could not deal. 
 
 Soon the voice of the cheap-Jack was heard mingling with the 
 others on shore. The Ojabberaways, though they bought little, 
 and sold still less, received a good many of Jonathan's almighty 
 dollars, and as long as they lasted they were likely enough to love 
 him and be friends. 
 
CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 THE clack, clack of a windlass was heard one fine morning sound- 
 ing over the waters of the river that hurried by the Buccaneer's 
 chief city. Alas ! the merry songs of his seamen, as they hove in 
 the slack of their chains was no longer to be heard. Their cheer- 
 ing " Yo, heave ho ! " was but a faint memory of the past. No 
 cloud of sails was spread to catch the breath of the north wind ; 
 but the vessel moved stealthily down the river, leaving behind her 
 a muddy wake and above a long winding black serpent of smoke. 
 
 Great changes had come over this old Buccaneer. Neither he, 
 nor his ships were anything like what they were in the good old 
 past. The past that we are always looking back to with such 
 loving and longing eyes. Those huge wooden castles that had 
 borne his flag to so many victories had been towed long ago to 
 their last moorings. But ah ! things change, and mountains even, 
 if not moved by faith, are constantly being altered by that per- 
 sistent worker, time. People looked back with regret to those grand 
 old wooden walls, with their tier upon tier of guns ; but it was alt 
 in vain. Science had condemned them. Amidst all the change 
 that was constantly going on, there was one thing on board of the 
 old Ship of State that bound the Buccaneer to the past. She was 
 still impelled by wind, and consequently was not a rapid sailer. 
 The Church Hulk alongside her, was also propelled in a similar 
 manner, but considering the gales of wind that sometimes swept 
 her decks she was a slow mover. 
 
 Away went the Buccaneer in his steam yacht, old Dogvane, of 
 course, being at the helm. The cox'sn, however, for reasons 
 already mentioned, was left behind. The captain's face did not 
 wear an expression of happiness, but then he was one of those 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 87 
 
 who take their pleasures seriously, and sometimes even in a 
 melancholy manner ; and often when he looked his saddest he 
 was enjoying himself most. To judge from appearances, people 
 might be pardoned if they thought that he and his master were 
 bent upon some mournful errand, such as the burying of some 
 dear departed friend. 
 
 But to return to the wonder-stricken people who lined the 
 shore. Many were the questions asked and many were the 
 answers given. Though our brave old Buccaneer hated anything 
 secret, more especially in other people, yet he himself conducted 
 all his public affairs by a secret council ; being driven to do so, 
 perhaps, by necessity. Then the reason for this sudden and 
 somewhat mysterious departure was left open to all kinds of con- 
 jecture, some saying one thing, some another. 
 
 " What is in the wind now ? " asked one. " Is the old man 
 steering for peace or for war ? " 
 
 "Ah!" cried another, "perhaps his spirit is at last aroused. 
 Heaven only knows he has slept long enough ! " 
 
 "The barking of curs, my lads," said a third, "does not disturb 
 the slumber or the dignity of a bull-dog. Fighting, mates, it may 
 be ; for those who won't fight will fall." 
 
 The young hands looked hopeful and the hot blood mounted 
 to their cheeks, for they had heard and read of fights by sea and 
 land, and of the doughty deeds done by their forefathers, and 
 they longed, too, for the fray. There was life in these young sea 
 whelps yet. It was said that the wanton, Luxury, had touched 
 them gently with the velvet tips of her fingers, but so far she had 
 not taken away their manhood and put them to lie on downy 
 beds scented with the perfume of flowers. No, no, she had not 
 gone as far as that, and though the Buccaneer's women, some of 
 them, had become masculine, his men had not surrendered up 
 their position to them just yet. 
 
 The young expressed their hopes, the old men shook their 
 heads. The Ojabberaways were wild with delight, and hoped 
 that their tyrant master, as they called him, would get so embroiled 
 that they might have a chance of shaking themselves free. Then, 
 
88 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 as many thought, there would be merry times indeed for those 
 who lived in the green and fertile isle of the West. 
 
 The Ojabberaways now behaved themselves in a manner so 
 peculiarly their own, that there was every prospect of a free fight. 
 The leaders, or paid patriots as they were called, took up a strong 
 position, behind whatever natural objects presented themselves, 
 and from these points of vantage they commenced pelting their 
 opponents with strong personal abuse. Of this they always kept 
 a large supply ready on hand. Wise counsels prevailed, and the 
 blood of the young Buccaneers was cooled down, and so a row 
 was avoided and all attention was again directed to the head of 
 the family and his doings. " Mates ! " cried one sturdy fellow, 
 " it's not for fighting he has gone with Captain William Dogvane 
 on board. More likely he has gone to beg some person's pardon 
 for some idle words spoken, or may be he's gone to hand over 
 some patch of land that we got in fair and open fight. But let 
 that pass, conscience becomes tender as a man grows old." 
 
 Here a square built old sailor with a patch over his left eye, 
 and who was minus an arm and a leg cried out, " Who would 
 spill his blood and stand the chance of being knocked on the 
 head, if he thought that all he got in fair and open fight was to 
 be given back, because a tender conscience pules and whines. 
 Look at me, mates ! The glim of one of my skylights is dousted, 
 and is battened down for ever. My timber too I've lost, and 
 have I been lopped of my branches for nothing? All, forsooth, 
 because an old man's conscience pricks. Damme, lads ! there's 
 no justice in the like o' that. Do our neighbours give up what 
 they have grabbed ? not they ; more likely to put the pistol to 
 your head, as in days of old, and cry out, ' Stand and deliver ? ' 
 That's the way of the world, mates, and we must not set up to be 
 better than other folk. Haven't I a vested interest in the old 
 man's conquests to the extent of one arm, a leg and an eye ? 
 Then damme, make all fast, say I ! " 
 
 Another said, " The old Buccaneer is more fitted now to carry 
 the staff of a pilgrim than the pistol and cutlass of a pirate." 
 
 "Vast heaving, my mates," cried a voice from the crowd, "no 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 89 
 
 hard names if you please. Our master's buccaneering days are over, 
 and there is something so unsavoury about the name of a pirate, 
 lads, that the word is now never used in good society. As to 
 whether any little bit of business in that way is done on the sly, it 
 is not for us to say. The wiss man's eye is not always open ; but 
 his mouth, my hearties, is generally shut, so let us wait and see 
 what comes of our master's peregrination." This was all that the 
 old coxswain contributed at this particular part of the proceedings. 
 
 The Port Watch said there was no remedy for anything, but a 
 shift of watches. Some even advocated a sudden raid on the old 
 Ship, and by taking her by surprise to effect their purpose. Ran- 
 dom Jack was for doing this, and he declared his readiness to 
 lead the assault, and his courage was very much applauded, and 
 not at all doubted. He was becoming a great favourite amongst 
 the people, who had still so much of the old stuff left in them 
 that they could appreciate pluck in any one. Just as they were 
 going to put their plan to the trial, a soft sound of music came 
 over the water. Music, it is known, has charms to soothe. Some 
 uncovered their heads reverently for they thought it was the 
 evening song coming from the old Church Hulk ; but they were 
 all very much disappointed when they found out that it was only 
 the cook accompanying himself on his barrel organ to a hymn 
 strung to his own praise. 
 
 This showed that the watch were not asleep. At the same 
 time a spark, as bright as a diamond, rested, as it were, on the 
 bulwark of the old Ship of State. This was caused by the rays of 
 the setting sun impinging upon the glass eye of the carpenter. 
 The burly butcher, fly flapper in hand, all ready for action, could 
 also be seen. This made Random Jack thoughtful. Random 
 Jack remembered the butcher's instrument of toiture and he 
 rubbed a part that had been more than once affected, and as he 
 did so, he said that in his opinion things were not quite ripe for 
 action, so the assault fell through, and the old Ship was allowed to 
 ride peacefully at anchor. Hereupon the old coxswain took the 
 opportunity of delivering an oration. " Mates ! " he said, " let us 
 do nothing rashly. Hasty actions often require much time for 
 
9O Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 repentance. If so be that you can shift watches by fair means, 
 do so ; but give old Bill Dogvane a fair chance. He is an old 
 hand, and an able steersman, and he has weathered many a 
 storm." There was now a great outcry against the coxswain ; he 
 was called a traitor ; a follower of Bill's ; a carpet bag full of 
 old wives' sayings ; a bladder full of wind and such like things ; 
 one who, if he was struck on one cheek, would turn the other. 
 All this abuse got old Jack Commonsense's back up, as the saying 
 is, and whipping out an oath or two, he exclaimed : " Damme 
 mates ! I hope as how I am as good a Christian as the best of 
 you, and as ready as any of you to do my duty to my God and 
 my neighbour ; but the man who strikes me, damme ! I strike 
 him back, or my name is not Jack Commonsense. Look you 
 now ! do you think if any of you blustering, railing lubbers, were to 
 board the old Church Hulk there and strike, say, the High Priest 
 on one cheek, that he would straightway turn the other ? If you 
 think so, go and try the experiment ; I, for one, ain't agoing to. 
 MatiS ! have we ever fought our enemies, that our clergy, Gcd 
 bless them ! did not bless us, and pray for us ? And while we 
 fought with sword and pistol did they not fight for us with their 
 spiritual weapons ? Example, my mates, is the best precept, and 
 our Church has never yet taught us in that way that fighting is 
 wrong ; or that too much meekness, except from outsiders, is to 
 be very highly commended." When the old coxswain got upon 
 his legs it was hard to get him down and every stump was to him 
 a pulpit. He continued, " God forbid ! that I should be a bully, 
 going about the world seeking quarrels with the weak ; but God 
 grant, my lads, that I may be ever ready to lead you all on against 
 the attacks of the strong, who threaten us, and a young woman as 
 I keep company with will be well to the fore, and if you are not 
 found ready to follow old Jack and the beggar woman, then, my 
 lads, make ready your necks for the yoke of the foreign invader. 
 And it is old Jack Commonsense that says so." 
 
CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 WE are in these degenerate days singularly unfortunate in many 
 ways. Our means of excitement are nothing like what they used 
 to be. The Buccaneer's island was no exception to the general 
 rule. Indeed time seems to have handled him very roughly. 
 Not that he was altogether free from surprises. Occasionally an 
 idiot obtained possession of a pistol, and either tried to commit 
 or did commit a murder. Then at times a man was knocked 
 down, kicked and robbed, whilst the mighty house-breaker prowled 
 about with pistol and crowbar in search of plunder. It is also 
 true that the Ojabberaways did all they could in the way of pro- 
 viding excitement of a lively nature for the benefit of the old 
 Buccaneer and all his people ; but gone were his highwaymen. 
 The vulgar thief alone remained. A mutiny at sea, with the mur- 
 der of a crew, was a thing of the past. Yet we have to relate a 
 dark conspiracy, which will be for ever known as the Cabal of the 
 Cook's Caboose, and which might have been productive of the 
 gravest results. Mention has already been made of a slight de- 
 fection amongst a certain section of the crew. 
 
 It was past eight bells, and the midnight watch had been set 
 sufficiently long to allow all the look-out men to take up their 
 positions of repose. Not a sound was to be heard upon the old 
 Ship of State except the heavy breathing of the watchman aloft 
 and the monotonous tread of the look-out man aft, who had not 
 as yet secured a comfortable place to pass his watch in. The 
 Church Hulk was wrapped in a deep sleep and the Buccaneer's 
 Chief Priest,, with all his ecclesiastical big guns, minor canons, 
 able priests, and ordinary deacons, were fondly locked in slumber's 
 arms. They kept no visible look-out, but angels with their silver 
 wings, it was firmly believed by all devout Buccaneers, hovered 
 
92 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 over that old ship at night and kept the devil and all his minions 
 away. It was only when the dusky mantle of midnight rested 
 upon the island that silence ever reigned supreme upon that old 
 Church Hulk. 
 
 The look-out man on deck hailed the look-out man aloft. 
 " What, ho there ! " he cried. " Watchman ! what of the night?" 
 The man up aloft had evidently been deeply meditating, for some- 
 thing very like a yawn broke the stillness of the air, but presently 
 a voice came down laden with the words: "All's well! The 
 twinkling eyes of Heaven look down upon a world wrapped in 
 peaceful slumber. All's well ! " 
 
 " All's well," went up from below in reply, and again there was 
 a great stillness. The eyes of all the houses on shore except one 
 here and there which sat watching for the setting out of some poor 
 weary soul to the regions that lie beyond the grave, were out 
 The dog that generally breaks the stillness of the night on such 
 occasions was also silent ; probably asleep. The wind even had 
 folded her wings and had ceased to sing her lullaby to the ac- 
 companiment of her many stringed lute. 
 
 Presently a crouching form was to be seen creeping stealthily 
 under the starboard side of the old Ship of State. The suspicious 
 looking object who was enveloped in the dark cloak and slouched 
 hat usually worn by conspirators and hired no doubt for the occa- 
 sion, made for the cook's galley, and in a voice scarcely above a 
 whisper, exclaimed : " Pepper ! " 
 
 " Is that you, Chips ? " came from the caboose. 
 
 " The same," was the reply. 
 
 " Where are the rest ? " asked the cook. 
 
 " They will be here directly," the carpenter said, as he darted 
 into the galley. Scarcely had he got well inside than his mate 
 joined him, and shortly afterwards the burly form of Billy Cheeks, 
 the butcher, was seen trying to conceal himself under the bul- 
 warks. " Keep down, can't you ? " cried the cook. " You'll 
 have the look-out man see you." 
 
 " Can't help it if he does ; can't make myself any smaller than 
 nature made me," replied the butcher. " If I was as small as 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 93 
 
 you, or a ringbolt chaser like Chips, I might be able to do it." 
 This was sarcasm. The butcher loved sarcasm ; but the cheery 
 cook turned it off by saying that Chips, and Chisel, his mate, 
 must spokeshave Billy Cheeks down to the ordinary and usual 
 size of a conspirator. As the butcher did not see anything funny 
 in this he did not laugh ; and so the joke fell like a dead shell, 
 quite harmless. But the cook, the carpenter, and his mate said 
 that Billy Cheeks was far too big for a conspirator. 
 
 All was pitch dark inside the cook's caboose. The fire had 
 long since been out, and it would not have been safe to strike a 
 light. No doubt they had their dark lanterns, for conspirators 
 would not be fully equipped without them, but for some reason 
 best known to themselves, they did not for the present produce 
 them. 
 
 " Your programme ! " cried the butcher, who generally came at 
 once to the point. 
 
 "Listen, my lads, and you shall hear," exclaimed the carpenter. 
 " The old man being away and the captain with him, we must 
 make this the high tide of our prosperity, and carry out as pretty 
 a little scheme as ever entered the head of man, although I say it, 
 as should not. The old coxswain is ashore amongst the landlub- 
 bers, so we have nothing to fear from him. For the rest of the 
 crew on board belonging to our watch, well, if they will not join 
 us, why, Billy, my man, you must do your duty. First and fore- 
 most we must lighten ship." 
 
 " That is easily done," said the cook, " by flinging overboard 
 bodily the old man's Upper Chamber." It is wonderful what a 
 hatred the cook had for this room in the after part of the old ship. 
 He himself said it was on account of their ignorance, want of in- 
 telligence, class prejudice, and the airs and graces they gave 
 themselves. 
 
 "As you all know, my mates," continued the carpenter, "things 
 ain't as they ought to be on board this old craft ; she is much too 
 slow for the times. When a coat becomes too old to wear, what 
 do we do ? why, chuck it away." 
 
 The jolly little cook now had his say. " Without a doubt the 
 
94 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 old ship is too bluff bowed for the rapid times we live in, and is 
 more fit to drive piles than to make way against the swift current 
 of events. So, my lads, I am for seizing the ship, and my little 
 game" 
 
 " What is that ? " cried the butcher, as he laid his trembling 
 hand upon the carpenter's arm. 
 
 " What is what ? " exclaimed the carpenter, slightly startled. 
 " Can't you give Pepper time to explain himself. Hurry no man's 
 cattle, is an old and good proverb." 
 
 " I heard a noise outside, as if someone was moving," said the 
 butcher. 
 
 " Then take a look round, Billy," said the carpenter. 
 
 " I am too big," said the butcher, with a sneer, which was felt, 
 though on account of the darkness it was not seen. "Let Pepper 
 go ; he is the smallest ; no one will see him, and if they do they 
 will take no notice." This was veiled sarcasm, but the cook 
 thought it better not to notice it, because he knew the butcher 
 could not help it. 
 
 " Let every man stick to his trade," said the cook, " my place 
 is inside the galley and not out." 
 
 Then up spoke the doughty carpenter. " What, my lads ! is 
 quaking fear going to be present at our councils ? Look at me. 
 I am not afraid." As it was pitch dark, of course nobody could 
 see. "Chisel, my lad," he said, addressing his mate, "show these 
 fellows the stuff you are made of." 
 
 " And why should I do what others won't ? " replied Chisel. 
 " It is no more my business than it is the cook's, and every man 
 to his trade, say I, too." 
 
 "Why don't you take a look round yourself?" cried the butcher. 
 
 " Of course I will. Thus!" exclaimed the carpenter, "does 
 conscience make cowards of ye all." Having delivered himself 
 of the quotation, he took a hasty glance through the little square 
 hole that acted as a window in the back part of the galley, and 
 said there was nothing. " I knew that," said the cook. " That 
 is why I did not take the trouble to look ; but this is a grievous 
 waste of precious time." " Well, my lads," the carpenter con- 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 95 
 
 tinued, ignoring the fact that the cook was, as the saying is, in 
 possession of the house, or rather, galley. " First and foremost 
 we must seize this old craft, run her ashore, break her up, and 
 build a spic and span new one, upon entirely new lines. We will 
 take a hint here and a hint there. In such a thing our friend 
 Jonathan would not be a bad man to go by. Then we will board 
 the old ship alongside, and make her disgorge, for the general good, 
 some of her accumulated plunder. She is worth a pretty plum I 
 can tell you. Been hoarding up for ages, and yet she is always 
 crying out poverty. Bah ! there must be something wrong some- 
 where, or where does all the money go? She does not apparently 
 give too much of "it amongst the poorer part of her crew ; but as 
 she renders no accounts we are all in the dark, my lads. It is a 
 busy buzzing hive of drones, though." 
 
 " As you say, Master Chips," said the cook. " She does not 
 seem to give much of her stored up wealth to her poor brethren, 
 and Heaven knows that the priestly gabardine too often covers 
 an empty stomach, while others amongst them lead the lives of a 
 Dives. Does poverty and penury find clothing or food out of 
 her riches ? Not a bit of it. Too many of her crew, are they 
 not proud ? Have they not made an exclusive and an aristo- 
 cratic high-cast priesthood of themselves ? " 
 
 " So wags the world, my mates ; so wags the world," cried the 
 carpenter. "While one suffers from repletion, another starves. 
 But that old Hulk is now out of date, and she will cut up well 
 you may be sure. Having plundered her, and given every 
 ecclesiastical dog a bone no offence to the sacred calling we 
 will bore a hole in her and let her sink. Then, when we are well 
 across the bridge that connects her with this old craft, Chisel, 
 my mate, shall saw the bridge through, and thus lay a trap for 
 the rats ; let them either sink or swim." 
 
 " Rats, they say," remarked the cook, as he handled his three- 
 pronged toasting-fork, "always leave a sinking ship, and the 
 ecclesiastical rat will prove, I expect, no exception to the rule." 
 
 " Honest Pepper ! " cried the carpenter, " you speak, as you 
 always do, like a book." 
 
96 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 " I've some doubt on my mind, which I should like cleared up 
 before we go any further," said the butcher. 
 
 " Out with it, Billy, my man, out with it," exclaimed the car- 
 penter. " Your chest is big, but no doubt it will be the better 
 for being lightened, and an empty house is better than a bad 
 tenant, any day of the week." 
 
 " Well, you talked about running this craft ashore, and then turn- 
 ing your attention to the Church Hulk ; but if you do that, what is 
 the use of sawing the bridge in two. The bridge would be the 
 plank we should have to walk ; with nothing but a drop of some 
 fathoms deep into the pit we had dug for ourselves." 
 
 " Or rather the water, Billy," said the cook, who loved his joke. 
 
 " That little error can easily be rectified by our settling with 
 the Church Hulk first ; but these are mere details. The workers, 
 my lads, shall have their reward ; and the clerical Lazarus shall 
 sit down at the same table as the clerical Dives." 
 
 "But robbing a church," said the butcher, "is about the last 
 thing a fellow ought to do, is it not ? " 
 
 " The end, Billy, will justify the means," the carpenter re- 
 marked. 
 
 " Our master, the Buccaneer." said the cook, " was not above 
 robbing a church once, and who will say he did wrong? Of 
 course his conscience-healers will find justification for the act if 
 he pays them well, and as they read history by the light of faith, 
 and not altogether by facts, they can prove all things entirely to 
 their own satisfaction, and what would have been an act of rob- 
 bery in others, would be, when they were concerned, a most 
 laudable action. Faith, as is well known, my mates, can work 
 wonders, and it can overcome a mountain of the most obstinate 
 facts with the greatest ease." 
 
 " But suppose they turn to and curse us," asked the butcher, 
 who evidently had some qualms of conscience. 
 
 " And suppose they do," cried the cook. " Are we a lot of old 
 women to be frightened by such things. Know you not the 
 saying, Billy, that curses come home to roost ? Let them curse 
 then." 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 97 
 
 " Where is Chisel ? " the carpenter asked. 
 
 "I am here," a voice said out of the darkness. 
 
 " Not hearing you, mate, I thought you must have slipped away." 
 
 " It appears to me," replied the carpenter's mate, " that there 
 is little need for me to say much, considering that I am expected 
 to do all the dirty work." 
 
 " Who will say that anything is dirty work ? " replied the cook. 
 "The worker purifies and elevates the work." Pepper was a 
 philosopher. The carpenter continued, " Mates, rest assured of 
 this ; if it suits the Buccaneer to sacrifice his Church Ship, he will 
 do it, for he has an elastic conscience, which he will satisfy by 
 saying prayers before and after the act. And as for Dogvane, 
 well, he will wait to see which way the cat jumps. If he sees the 
 time has come, why, then, the State Church will be cast adrift. 
 It is not the first time that old William has robbed a church. I 
 am not the man to say he did a wrong. Why should the Church 
 Hulk be kept moored alongsides of the old craft? All well 
 enough when she ruled the roast ; but now more than two hun- 
 dred sects are outside her jurisdiction, and the Chief Priest and 
 other officers under him cannot at all times keep the unruly crew 
 in order. They have their mutinies, and their interior economy 
 does not seem to be just as it should be ; so, my lads, she will 
 either have to mend her ways or end them, as has been said of 
 another of our master's ancient establishments." 
 
 " Which, my mates," said the cook, "you may leave to me. I 
 will have my knife into the Upper Chamber yet." 
 
 " After duty comes pleasure," continued the carpenter. " Hav- 
 ing settled the Church Hulk we must turn our attention to old 
 Squire Broadacre. His house is in a terrible state, and must be 
 put in order. We must pare down his property a bit, for there is 
 a family called Hodge, a good, decent, honest, and industrious, 
 though perhaps ignorant lot, who are but poorly off. It is the 
 squire's duty to look after this family ; but, mates, it is well known 
 that selfishness fills hell." 
 
 " But do you suppose that the Buccaneer is going to allow all 
 
 this to be done ? " exclaimed the butcher. 
 
 G 
 
98 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer, 
 
 "It appears to me, mates," replied the carpenter, "that our 
 friend Billy is going to throw cold water on all our plans." 
 
 " What is the use of our assembling here," asked the butcher, 
 " if we are not allowed to speak ? " 
 
 " Who wants to stop your speaking ? " exclaimed the carpenter. 
 " I certainly am not going to undertake the task, I can tell you. 
 Our master must be talked and wheedled over, and as for old 
 Dogvane, well, we all know that he has a damned tender con- 
 science. (The oath must be pardoned. The best of carpenters, 
 and all sailors, swear at times.) Look here, mates, I fancy I 
 know as much about Captain Dogvane as most men. If he 
 wants a thing done, and if so be that he has set his heart upon it, 
 bang goes his conscience in that direction. Never was there a con- 
 science under better control. It says to the captain's inclination, 
 ' which way does my master want me to go, so that his servant 
 may obey him ? ' Never yet did Dogvane's conscience prove 
 him wrong, and he is at all times on the best of terms with it. 
 Look you, our captain will say neither yea nor nay, and he will 
 use so many words in saying so, that everyone will be at logger- 
 heads, quarrelling over what he means, when in all probability 
 he means nothing ; but is only waiting to see which way the wind 
 is going to blow." 
 
 Here the cook spoke : " I have great faith in the old man ; 
 but if he does not go with us, what then ? All the talent is not 
 in one head, and as for his first lieutenant, and one or two 
 others, we can afford to lose them. They are too slow for the 
 times." 
 
 " Lads, in cases like this," cried the carpenter, " we must not 
 mince matters ; and if the worst comes to the worst Billy Cheeks 
 must do his duty." 
 
 The paleness of the butcher at these ominous words was con- 
 cealed. There was a terrible hidden meaning in what the car- 
 penter said, and it made the butcher's flesh creep and his blood 
 run cold. 
 
 " I am at all times prepared to do my duty," the butcher said, 
 " at fly-flapping the tail end of a Tory cockerel, or at stopping the 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 99 
 
 cackle of the older birds, I will give way to no man ; but I love 
 the old captain, and I would not injure a hair of his venerable 
 head on any account. As we all know, he is but lightly covered." 
 "Who wants you to injure his hair?" cried the carpenter. 
 " Do you think we want you to be ship's barber as well as ship's 
 butcher ? " The carpenter, who began to fear that he had gone 
 too far, thought it best to trim a bit, and therefore he advised the 
 butcher not to be so sharp in coming to conclusions. " Of 
 course," he said, " it's natural that you should put a professional 
 aspect on things." 
 
 "There!" cried the butcher in alarm, "I heard the noise 
 again." 
 
 " Then go and see what it is," the carpenter said in disgust. 
 "Ah! It makes no difference to me," the butcher replied. 
 " If you other fellows did not hear it, I must have been mis- 
 taken." The cook, the carpenter, and Chisel his mate were ex- 
 tremely gratified at this generous admission on the part of the 
 butcher, and they one and all said they never could remember the 
 time when Billy Cheeks had owned himself in the wrong before. 
 The carpenter was quite softened. Even Pepper was touched, 
 and they all hoped that it augured no ill to the butcher, for sudden 
 changes in disposition and character are often the unwelcome 
 harbingers of speedy dissolution. They strongly advised Billy 
 Cheeks to consult his medical man. This painful episode for the 
 time quite damped the spirits of the conspirators. " If anything 
 happens to you, Billy, where would you like to be buried ? " the 
 cook asked. They left the butcher to think the matter over, and 
 after a while the carpenter continued : " Having got possession 
 of everything, we will all live happily together ever afterwards." 
 The butcher, who had recovered himself asked, " How about the 
 old lion which keeps watch over the Buccaneer's affairs ? " 
 
 " Your hand, Billy," cried the carpenter groping about in the 
 dark, " I see you are better, and have taken up your character 
 again of Chief Obstructionist. If you don't like to join our party, 
 go over to the other watch. They are in want of men of sub- 
 
100 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 " Why do you catch one up so precious sharp ? " cried the 
 butcher, irritated. "I suppose there is no harm in asking a simple 
 question ? Who wants to go over to the other watch ? Haven't I 
 always stood by you and Pepper, and defended you when you 
 were both blackguarded and abused ? One would think you two 
 were the Buccaneer's darlings, but you are neither of you liked, 
 though people may laugh at you, Pepper. What is the use of my 
 being here, if I am to keep my mouth shut ? Chisel may act the 
 part of a dummy if he likes, but I will not." 
 
 " Messmate, your hand," cried the carpenter again. "No offence, 
 old man. We are in the same boat, therefore we must pull to- 
 gether. There is an old adage that applies to us." 
 
 " It is no use our quarrelling over trifles," said the cook. 
 " The old lion is asleep : or out of wind, and he is just about as 
 harmless as if he were stuffed with hair or straw, and no one fears 
 him now let him roar ever so loud." 
 
 " But to ease your mind, Billy," said the carpenter, " my mate 
 shall draw his teeth and cut his claws." 
 
 " And pray why should I have all the dirty and dangerous work 
 to do ? " said Chisel again. 
 
 " What ! " exclaimed the carpenter, in evident surprise. " Are 
 you going to take a leaf out of the butcher's book, mate \ It 
 seems we commented upon your silence too soon ; but if you are 
 afraid to do the work; well let his teeth and claws remain. 
 Thus the difficulty is got over with ease. After all, it is only a 
 detail, and we will not come to loggerheads over a detail." 
 
 " There it is again," cried the butcher, " I swear I saw some- 
 thing like a hand spread out fan-shape towards me. The thumb 
 was from me, and seemed attached to a human nose." 
 
 This was very terrible, and the conspirators felt a creepy sensa- 
 tion all over them. But the cook reassured them all, by saying, 
 that very often people, whose stomachs were out of order, suffered 
 from optical delusions. He said he felt sure Billy Cheeks must 
 have eaten something that had disagreed with him ; so they took 
 no further notice, and proceeded with the business of the 
 evening. 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 101 
 
 " Of course we shall want assistance ; but we can count upon 
 the Ojabberaways, they are always ready for anything in the shape 
 of a row. They have their price, then we shall have the Hodges, 
 and the Sikes with us. They are all ripe for action. Now another 
 thing presents itself. We must have a head, no body can get 
 along without a head." 
 
 " Some seem to get along very well without such a thing," said 
 the cook. This also was sarcasm. The cook loved it, and his 
 tongue it was said was as sharp as needles. " Well, my mates," 
 he continued, " of course we must have a head ; but rnind you, 
 let us have no hereditary fool to fill the office ; and no baubles in 
 the shape of crowns and court paraphernalia, no court flunkies, my 
 lads, to eat the bread of idleness, no court pimps. I am dead 
 against crowns. They are expensive articles, no matter upon 
 whose head they rest. Kings too often are little better than blood 
 suckers, and blood spillers, and all by the grace of God forsooth." 
 
 The subject of a head for the new commonwealth, or what- 
 ever it was to be called, was of so grave a nature that for some 
 few minutes not one of the conspirators spoke. Evidently each 
 one was revolving in his own mind as to upon whom the selec- 
 tion ought to fall, and no doubt each could have solved the mo- 
 mentous question to his own entire satisfaction ; but modesty kept 
 their thoughts locked up. Presently the carpenter spoke. 
 
 " It's a detail," he said. They all agreed, and so the matter 
 dropped, not, however, before there had been a slight passage of 
 arms between the carpenter and the cook. " Of course," said 
 Chips, " you are out of the question, Pepper? " 
 
 " And why so, pray ? " was the indignant reply. " I didn't say 
 I would take the post if it were offered me ; for I am not like 
 some people I could mention, of an ambitious turn of mind. No 
 matter who falls, so long as they mount." This must have hit the 
 carpenter very hard. 
 
 " Whoever heard of a cook being made a ruler? " the carpenter 
 asked. 
 
 " For the matter of that, whoever heard of a carpenter ? " said 
 the cook. 
 
102 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 "Why Pepper, my lad, where's your schooling? Does not a 
 carpenter's son, and one who was a carpenter himself rule the 
 whole Christian World ? But that is neither here nor there. You 
 are too small ; you would not command respect." 
 
 " Now I am surprised to hear a man of your ability, Chips, talk 
 such utter nonsense. You seem to judge men as a butcher does 
 his meat, by the pound. That is the sort of thing perhaps a 
 woman might do. If that is to be your little game, you had 
 better hoist Billy Cheeks up at once ; he is not exactly a skeleton, 
 and, no doubt, he would fill the place as well as any one else." 
 
 " No offence, Pepper, no offence, mate ; it is a detail," said the 
 carpenter. 
 
 " Then let it be a detail ; and I care not who you hoist over 
 us, so long as our head is neither expensive nor too highly gilded. 
 But mind you, the lumber room must go." 
 
 They all agreed that this was a sensible way of looking at 
 things, and to appease the cook, no doubt, they would there and 
 then have lightened the ship by flinging over the whole of the 
 Buccaneer's House of Lords, but the heavy tread of the watch- 
 man aft made them abandon the idea for the present ; but as that 
 ancient hereditary institution had fallen under the cook's dis- 
 pleasure, it was not likely that it could survive such a thing for 
 long. 
 
 " What are we to do with our foreign relations?" asked the car- 
 penter's mate. 
 
 " Ah ! Chisel, my lad, you are coming to the front," said the 
 carpenter. 
 
 "What have we to do with foreign relations?" the cook 
 asked. " Let them mind their own business, and we will mind 
 ours." 
 
 " The unfortunate thing is," said the butcher, " that they won't 
 mind their own business; no people will." The butcher gave 
 another start and declared he heard the mysterious sound at the 
 back of the galley. 
 
 "Well, Billy!" the carpenter exclaimed, "for a big man, vou 
 have about the smallest heart of any man 1 ever met." 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 103 
 
 Thus did the conspirators settle the affairs of the Buccaneer's 
 nation. But now another and most unmistakable sound saluted 
 their ears. A cock crowed loud and long. It is a well-known 
 fact that neither spirits nor conspirators can stand this sort of 
 thing. "Ah !" cried the carpenter, "there goes the shrill herald 
 of the morn." Conspirators generally speak in this florid manner. 
 " The day has returned too soon. You have much to answer for, 
 Billy ; for by your incessant interruptions you have squandered 
 our precious time. But no matter. My lads, one little thing 
 before we part. We shall want money. We cannot get on with- 
 out the needful. It is money that makes the old mare go." 
 
 "I have a scheme here," cried the cook, "of raising the 
 necessary wind." 
 
 " Quick, Pepper, my man, where is that lamp of yours you are 
 so fond of flaunting before the eyes of people in the broad light 
 of day. The torch of Truth you call it." 
 
 " Ah ! Master Chips, the light of that lamp is only shed on 
 other people's business. It would never do here." 
 
 It could never for a moment be supposed that these conspirators 
 had not their dark lanterns ; and presently one was produced 
 from the ample folds of somebody's cloak, and they all stooped 
 down as the cook unrolled his plan and the light from the dark 
 lantern fell upon the eager faces of Billy Cheeks, the carpenter, 
 his mate, and the cook. 
 
 " Time, mates, is short, so I come to the point. This is a bill 
 of sale." 
 
 " So, so, a bill of sale," they all said in a low tone as they eyed 
 the piece of paper. 
 
 " We will have an auction," said the cook ; " our foreign 
 relations we have decided to let go ; for we get more kicks than 
 half-pence from them ; but our colonies \ve will sell." 
 
 " Ha, ha ! " laughed the butcher, hoarsely ; " mind they don't 
 sell you." 
 
 "At it again, Billy," said the cook; "but it shows you're 
 recovering from your nervous attack. Lot No. i. Ihe Bucca- 
 neer's well-known property of India. A rich possession com- 
 
IO4 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 prizing over 200,000,000 of faithful subjects, together with forts and 
 garrisons fully armed and equipped, and a most lucrative trade." 
 
 " The Eastern Bandit no doubt will bid for that lot or perhaps 
 he'll take it," said the carpenter's mate. 
 
 " Proceed, Pepper," cried the carpenter. 
 
 " That cock won't fight," remarked the butcher. " You don't 
 suppose our master will allow his dusky princess to be bought or 
 taken by his old enemy, the Bandit." 
 
 " Go on, Pepper," cried the carpenter ; " Billy's state of health 
 is rapidly improving. Haste, my lad, for the silver foot of day is 
 advancing. In a short time his eye will be over yonder house- 
 tops, and if he looks upon us plotting in the cook's caboose, then 
 farewell to our plan and perhaps to our liberty as well." 
 
 " Lot 2. Egypt. We may expect bidders for that country and 
 'caveat emptor'say I. That is a country replete with articles 
 of virtu, the only thing is to find them. It is the proud possessor 
 of an ancient history. With this lot will go a discontented, 
 harassed and poverty-stricken people, and one or more high 
 military reputations, and may the devil fly away with the whole 
 lot, say I. There are a few others things scarcely worth mention- 
 ing such as the royal robes, crown jewels, and other court 
 paraphernalia." 
 
 Here the discussion was suddenly put a stop to by the butcher, 
 who gave such a start that he knocked the carpenter's mate up 
 against the cook, who in turn nearly overturned Chips. The 
 lantern was upset and the light was put out. 
 
 " What the devil is up now ! " cried the cook, recovering himself. 
 
 "I saw it again," said the butcher, in a terrified whisper. They 
 all pitied the butcher and declared that he was, without exception, 
 about as uncomfortable a member of a conspiracy as could 
 possibly be found. There was something almost uncanny about 
 his behaviour, and no doubt less doughty men would have been 
 scared. It was now too late to continue with their plans. 
 They one and all said that the scheme was good and wanted 
 scarcely for anything except the carrying of it out, which they 
 agreed was a mere matter of detail. They complimented the cook 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 105 
 
 upon his suggested method of raising the necessary wind. They 
 were all very well pleased one with another, and as the carpenter 
 dismissed them, he said : " Bless ye, my lads ! Away to your 
 bunks, my honest fellows. The silver king treads close upon the 
 heels of the sable queen, so away and snatch a few hours of repose. 
 Then arise and buckle to your work. Mix well amongst the 
 people ashore. Sow broadcast the seeds of discontent, and so 
 prepare the way for action. The womb of time is big with great 
 events. Be civil, my mates, to the wild Ojabberaways, for at 
 times it is necessary to hold the candle to the devil himself. If 
 we do not square them, the other watch will." 
 
 " The greedy office grabbers," cried the cook, " will leave no 
 stone unturned to get the helm ; but we must dish them. For 
 my part I have always found the Ojabberaways a merry and clever 
 lot of gentlemanly devils." 
 
 " To their many wants then," exclaimed the carpenter, " lend a 
 kindly ear ; but keep your own counsel. Be thrifty of your words 
 unless you use them as our noble captain does, to conceal your 
 thoughts. Away then, my lads ! What, does no one move ? 
 It is too late for ghosts to prowl about, and of other things what 
 have you to fear ? " 
 
 " Who is afraid, Master Chips ? " the cook asked indignantly, 
 " I was only thinking." 
 
 " Vast heaving, my hearties, while the cook thinks," cried the 
 carpenter. "In the meantime I will take a look round, the 
 watchman may be about." Chips drew his cloak round him and 
 pulled his slouched hat well down over his eyes ; then with the 
 stealthy walk peculiar to conspirators he took a look round. Just 
 as he reached the back of the cook's galley, he heard what 
 sounded like a splash in the water. It made him start ; and his 
 heart beat hard against his side, his hair stood on end, and he had 
 to lean against the water-butt for support. " Pshaw ! " he cried 
 as he shivered in the chill morning air, " I am getting as bad as 
 Billy Cheeks." The look-out man from aloft cried out, " All's 
 well." Thus reassured, the carpenter told his companions that 
 the coast was clear, so with cloaks well wrapped round them and 
 hats well slouched they sneaked away to their beds. 
 
CHAPTER XXIII. 
 
 IT was but a narrow strip of water that separated the old Sea King, 
 or Buccaneer, from his neighbours on the mainland. But narrow 
 as the strip was it had been and it was of the greatest service to 
 him ; for it kept from his shores the numerous bands of robbers 
 that infested the mainland. Of course things had very much im- 
 proved of recent years, but still occasional robberies took place 
 even now, and when an opportunity offered it was not allowed to 
 pass by. Since the world began it has been said that honest men 
 are few and rogues are many. 
 
 There can be very little doubt that the veneer called civilisation 
 has done much for the world. It would appear, however, that 
 when people are collected together into a nation, they cannot 
 even now look upon the richness of a neighbour, without having 
 some feelings of envy, and experiencing a slight itching sensation 
 at the ends of the fingers. 
 
 Indeed, the study of history, and human nature generally, \\ould 
 lead us to believe that man is not only a very lazy fellow by nature, 
 never working unless necessity compels him to ; but that he is 
 also a thief, and is only honest by compulsion, or by learning that 
 it is to his personal advantage to be so. This much we may have 
 hinted before. For mankind in general we have the highest 
 admiration and consideration ; but we cannot hide from ourselves 
 the fact that it has with many virtues, also very many faults, and 
 love of other people's property seems to be one. 
 
 Man we will not run down or decry. Look you at the 
 savage ! There is a great nobility about him, and in some things 
 he compares most favourably with his highly cultivated and 
 civilised brother. The latter is perhaps the proud possessor of a 
 great intellect, of rank, of high position, having a long line of 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 107 
 
 ancestors to decorate the walls of his ancestral hall. He may be 
 the proud possessor of vast wealth, in fact, of everything that leads 
 to human greatness, and yet see how he sneaks into a room as if 
 he were some mean thing and thoroughly well ashamed of himself. 
 Contrast with this man the noble bearing of the savage, every 
 movement is as full of dignity, as, in all probability, his only blanket 
 is of insects. This man feels himself a lord of creation. His 
 mantle above alluded to he throws over his shoulders with an easy 
 grace. His only possession perhaps is his spear or tomahawk 
 which he is ever ready to bury in the stomach of an enemy or in 
 the friendly earth. Then the savage is silent, and when he does 
 speak, he does not prove himself a wind bag, but he speaks in 
 measured tones, and with dignity and very much to the point. 
 There is none of that senseless gabbling which is such a mark of 
 Western civilisation, and which at times is so extremely confusing 
 and even distressing. He does not wash, you say ? Good people 
 all, here the peculiar and special prejudice of civilisation presents 
 itself. Yes, the tub crowns your Western edifice; but did your 
 Saint James ever use the bath ? The platter is well washed with- 
 out, but within ? The savage is a noble being, though perhaps 
 the rain that falls from a generous heaven is the only washing he 
 ever gets. 
 
 The imagination loves to dwell upon the ideal. It peoples the 
 garden of Eden with beautiful and naked innocence. It loves 
 to sing of the gentle shepherd, who, decked in ribbons and 
 becoming fancy pastoral garments, pipes and dances to his flocks 
 all day long, and in other ways wastes his employer's time. Strip 
 the gentle shepherd of the clothing generously given him by the 
 imagination and you find him a very rough fellow indeed, not 
 given to singing so much as to cursing, and instead of dancing, is 
 more ready to knock anyone on the head who interferes with his 
 sheep-stealing propensities. We speak, good people all, of early 
 pastoral times, of what we may call the ancient shepherd period. 
 
 Heaven forbid ! that we should say one word against civilisation. 
 Do we wish to live in a state of society which was so easily excited 
 that if a man but sneezed some fiery fellow- would fancy himself 
 
io8 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 insulted and out with his bodkin and put it through one? 
 Heaven forbid ! we say again. But, good people all, the struggle 
 for existence is great. The weakest at all times go to the wall. 
 The noble savage allows his weakly and sickly offspring to die ; 
 perhaps even at times he assists nature, occasionally knocking an 
 aged parent on the head, saving thereby much pain and suffering 
 on the one side, and trouble and anxiety on the other. But see 
 what your civilisation does. See how far superior it is ; how 
 supremely human. It calls in that eminent physician Dr. Science, 
 and with his help your sickly human weeds are nourished and 
 reared until they are old enough and strong enough to marry and 
 multiply. Weeds produce weeds and quickly. A sickly body 
 can only sustain a sickly mind, and so the world wags and whole 
 peoples become undermined. What would we do? Nothing. 
 We sit and watch things taking their course, and note the many 
 advantages that civilisation has over barbarism. 
 
 It is an old, old tale, yet in the telling of it nature alone is not 
 prosy. She has such a way of telling the same story over and 
 over again and ever varying it some little in the telling. What 
 wonderful powers of variation has our mother ! Take a million 
 faces and by some subtle combination of the same features 
 she gives an individuality to each. But to return to our noble 
 savage. In a rough and ready fashion he surmounts the difficulty 
 of his useless members of society. By an extensive and well- 
 organised system, civilisation finds out the exact amount of suste- 
 nance it takes to keep the body and soul together in an aged 
 broken-down pauper. Then separating an aged couple, who 
 perhaps have borne the brunt of many a misfortune together, it 
 allows them to drain to the last drop the dregs of life, holding up 
 to them as a consolation the plenty that lies in paradise. 
 Civilisation justly condemns the inhuman custom of the otherwise 
 noble savage ; but does not deny itself the inward satisfaction of 
 a sigh of relief when some person who, having lingered perhaps a 
 trifle too long over his or her exit, eventually goes. ''Poor soul," they 
 say, " it is a happy release. Gone to a better and a happier world, 
 no doubt." A paupers funeral brightens a district and carries, if 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 109 
 
 not joy, at least no sorrow to the hearts of the guardians of the 
 poor. 
 
 We never said that civilisation was a gigantic workshop where 
 hypocrites and humbugs are turned out by the thousands every 
 day, whilst its religion occupies itself in manufacturing Pharisees. 
 We have pointed out, if we have not demonstrated, the admirable 
 laws by which civilisation works as regards the welfare of the poor, 
 and we have shown the care that it takes of its sickly weeds, given 
 to them such eminent advantages and allowing them to contam- 
 inate a whole community with their sickliness. We have ac- 
 knowledged how in all respects, with the sole exception of grace 
 and bearing, civilisation is superior to the savage state. But this 
 much we will say, many savages we have seen who are very much 
 more gentle in their manners ; very much more honourable and 
 even refined in their feelings, and very much more humane, than 
 the roughs of civilisation. No doubt every civilised family has its 
 extremely black sheep. The Buccaneer certainly had his, and 
 compared with them, the gentle savage is a well-bred gentleman. 
 
 Then look at your pale-faced drudge of civilisation. With 
 bent back and emaciated face and smarting eyes, her thin but 
 nimble fingers stitch on from early morning, till after the weary 
 sun has sunk to rest. On, on, she works with scanty food, and 
 in an impure atmosphere. Poor soul, has civilisation done much 
 for her ? Has it buttered her bread more thickly or sweetened 
 more her tea ? Is her lot any better than that of her sister who 
 toils and slaves out in the open, while her brave lies and basks in 
 the sun of idleness? 
 
 But we have wandered far from that narrow strip of water that 
 divided the Buccaneer from his neighbours on the mainland. It 
 had been to him as a magic belt, and worth more than thousands 
 of men. His neighbours had to look on and long and wonder 
 perhaps how it was that such a man had been allowed to prosper. 
 But all have heard of the row in the kitchen, between the pot and 
 the kettle. His neighbours, however, repudiated with scorn any 
 evil intentions and they only kept themselves armed to the teeth 
 to keep wicked robbers and cut-throats away; but it was a wonder 
 
no Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 to many people where they could be, because, if asked, all declared 
 that all they wished for was to be allowed to live in peace, and 
 quietude, so that they might enjoy the reward of their honest, 
 industrious, and highly respectable lives, and fit themselves for 
 heaven. 
 
CHAPTER XXIV. 
 
 ARRIVING on the shores of his nearest neighbour, Madame France, 
 the Buccaneer landed, and as he intended to make a few calls 
 inland, he sent his yacht round to the Golden Horn with orders 
 to await there his arrival. 
 
 The Buccaneer took off his hat and made his politest bow ; 
 but his reception was by no means as cordial as he had expected. 
 As is well known by all those who have experienced it, there is 
 nothing so freezing as the cold politeness of a haughty beauty. 
 It require? more brazen effrontery than even old Dogvane had, to 
 carry it off with a high handed dignity as if nothing was wrong. 
 That Madame France was beautiful there could be no doubt, and 
 she would have made the blood quicken in the veins of the most 
 eminent saint, and as for a sinner ! well, there is no use going into 
 particulars. 
 
 It is more than probable that the charms of this lady were not 
 lost upon either the Buccaneer or his trusty captain William 
 Dogvane. Then, as if the devil was in it, Madame had added to 
 her natural beauty, by calling in the assistance of every art. Her 
 figure was neat and most attractive, and her dress left nothing to 
 be desired. In her display of charms she was generous without 
 being coarse and vulgar, and her short kirtle discovered the 
 prettiest of ankles, and just enough of a well-shaped leg to be 
 peculiarly attractive. Even old Bill felt young again and his eyes 
 glistened with delight, and he was no less inclined to be gallant 
 than his master, who for the time forgot the precept taught him 
 by his religion about coveting other people's goods. 
 
 Having coldly acknowledged the salutation she turned her back 
 upon her visitors and pouted her pretty lips. " Master Dog- 
 
H2 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 vane," said the Buccaneer addressing that worthy, " there is not 
 much cordiality here." 
 
 "It beats me altogether, sir," the captain replied, "but there is 
 no understanding women, and, as everyone knows, Madame here is 
 peculiarly fickle and uncertain. They all seem to go by the rule 
 of contrary. She is an arrant coquette I'll be bound ; but, Master, 
 what a pretty foot and what a lovely leg." 
 
 " Dogvane ! " cried the Buccaneer as he gazed upon the attrac- 
 tions alluded to, "you forget yourself." Then addressing the 
 haughty beauty he said, " Madame, in what have I been so unfor- 
 tunate as to meet with your displeasure ? It is many years now 
 since we had any cause for quarrel and all old wounds I trust are 
 healed, and as I bear no malice, Madame, I hope you bear none. 
 How then have I displeased you ? " 
 
 " Monsieur, your memory methinks is short. Was I not set 
 upon and beaten ? Was I not hurt and bleeding ? Was I not 
 struck down until I bit the dust, and you never held out a hand 
 to help me ? Monsieur, my memory is better, I do not forget, 
 I never shall." 
 
 " Oh ! damn these violent memories ! " exclaimed Dogvane 
 aside. 
 
 " But, Madame, that is now an old old story," the Buccaneer 
 replied. " Is it right to carry resentment so far ? Is it acting up 
 to the religion that we both profess ? " 
 
 " Monsieur's reputation for piety is extremely great," said his 
 fair neighbour, while a sneer played round her pretty mouth ; she 
 then added, "An injury, Monsieur, is never old." 
 
 "Madame!" cried the Buccaneer still wishing to appease, "you 
 had my extreme sympathy." 
 
 " Sympathy ! " cried Madame France, " sympathy ! of what 
 avail is that against battalions ? " 
 
 " I. dressed your wounds, I attended your sick and I sent you 
 money, lint, and plaster." 
 
 " Sent me money ! " exclaimed Madame France scornfully. 
 Then suddenly changing her manner to a tone of polite sarcasm 
 she said, " Pardon, Monsieur ! I had forgotten, yes, you sent me 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. \ 13 
 
 money. It must have been a great sacrifice for you to part with 
 what you love so well. The shopkeeper does not like to drain 
 his till, even for a friend in need. I beg Monsieur's pardon a 
 thousand times. I did not too fully appreciate his kindness. I 
 have not sufficiently thanked my mercantile neighbour. Permit 
 me, Monsieur," she said with a profound curtsey, " to thank you 
 for your extravagant consideration and extreme sympathy." 
 
 The Buccaneer was going to reply ; but Dogvane, fearing a 
 storm, almost dragged his master away. " But this is not as it 
 should be, Dogvane. It is not right." 
 
 As they went away Madame France muttered something, but 
 the only word that reached the Buccaneer was "perfidious." 
 This was an old retort. 
 
 " This is not right, Master Dogvane ! " he cried. 
 
 " Decidedly wrong, sir. The grossest piece of ingratitude I 
 have ever experienced. Ah ! we can plainly see, she has not 
 forgiven you for remaining neutral in her last row with her burly 
 neighbour inland. Bat a stale page of history is that." 
 
 " Master Dogvane, even a woman's resentment cannot last too 
 long. There must be something else. Have you, Master Dog- 
 vane, been doing anything to put her out ? " 
 
 " I can tax my memory with nothing, sir ; but the other watch, 
 who can tell what they've been up to ? Softly, my master, softly. 
 For heaven's sake come away. Say nothing to increase her anger. 
 The least said, soonest mended. Is she not fair to look upon ?" 
 added Dogvane looking back'as did Lot's wife. "What ripe lips ! " 
 
 " What has that to do with it ? " 
 
 " Nothing, sir, nothing ; what a lovely foot ! what an ankle too ! 
 what a comely leg ! " 
 
 " What the devil, I say again, has that to do with it ? " cried 
 the Buccaneer. 
 
 "Nothing, sir, nothing. I merely ventured the remark that 
 she was comely. No doubt that other watch have been at their 
 handiwork. Master, you are a bit too brusque in your manner. 
 Women don't like it ; if you had flattered more, you would have 
 pleased more. You should have praised her beauty ; gone into 
 
 H 
 
1 14 Life oj a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 an ecstasy of delight over her many charms. Do you not think, 
 sir, that the kirtle was an inch or two too long ? " 
 
 The Buccaneer turned sharply upon his captain and rebuked 
 him, told him plainly that although he was captain of his watch, 
 he had no business to cast eyes upon his fair neighbour. Then 
 he said, "She quarrelled with a friend of mine, and you are for 
 ever telling me that I ought not to interfere, in things that don't 
 concern me." 
 
 " You acted in that little affair, sir, like an upright, honest, 
 gentleman ; but do what you will you cannot please everyone. 
 You did your best to prevent a row and you could do no more. 
 But that is not where the shoe pinches. The other watch no 
 doubt, the other watch. Let her alone, my master, to cool. 
 When a woman is enraged, there is no arguing with her. No 
 doubt some domestic trouble has disturbed her. She has always 
 something on. Ah ! I see it now," exclaimed Dogvane stopping 
 short. " Some time ago she went in largely for old china and we 
 all know that is an expensive luxury and probably the bill was 
 larger than she expected. There are a thousand little things, 
 trifles as light as air, in every household, that though hidden from 
 the eye of the casual observer, help to ruffle the temper even of 
 the most amiable woman. Did you notice, sir, her well turned 
 ankle and shapely leg?" The old Buccaneer either did not hear, 
 or did not approve of Dogvane's continued allusion to Madame 
 France's charms. The captain, thinking he was still grieving over 
 his cold reception, sought to console him by saying, " What 
 though Madame France be cold and turn her back upon you, I 
 feel confident that the island of Sark is with you to a man." 
 
 " The island of Sark ! " exclaimed the Buccaneer in astonish- 
 ment, " what has that to do with it ? " 
 
 " Everything, sir," replied Dogvane. " For the island of Sark 
 if not actually France is very near to it ; and the moral support 
 of such a place is not to be despised" 
 
 The Buccaneer seemed lost in meditation, from which he was 
 only aroused by Dogvane exclaiming : " Ah ! here we are, sir, at 
 the door of your worthy German cousin, with whom you are 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. \ \ 5 
 
 allied by blood, by the holy bonds of wedlock, and by re- 
 ligion." 
 
 The mighty Von was sitting outside, in his garden overlooking 
 the waters that divided him from his beautiful neighbour. He 
 had a tankard by his side and a pipe in his mouth, for he was a 
 great smoker. 
 
 The Buccaneer found that his reception here was scarcely more 
 cordial than what it had been elsewhere. " Have I in any way 
 done my worthy friend an injury ? " the Buccaneer asked, turning 
 to Dogvane. 
 
 " God forbid, sir, that you should do any man an injury," was 
 the reply. " It has been my constant endeavour to keep you at 
 peace with all men." This perhaps was true, but the result was 
 not satisfactory. 
 
 " Give me an honest grip of thy friendly hand, neighbour," the 
 Buccaneer exclaimed, as he held out his. The Von held out his 
 but there was nothing hearty in the shake. " How is this, friend, 
 thy grip used to be harder ? " said the Buccaneer. 
 " Mein hand is mein own," replied the mighty Von. 
 " Tell me in what I have offended thee. If I have done thee 
 an injury I will make amends. What, will my old friend not 
 speak ? " 
 
 " Mein counsel like mein hand is mein own, mein friend, and 
 I keep them both." 
 
 "How do you account for this, Master Dogvane?" asked the 
 Buccaneer, somewhat crestfallen. 
 
 " It is passing strange, sir, and I can only think that this is 
 another piece of handiwork of the other watch. Their capacity 
 for bungling is extremely great. But come away, sir. There is 
 an old adage which says, 'it is ill to waken sleeping dogs.' It 
 applies here." So saying he led his master away; but before 
 they had gone very far Dogvane again stopped short. " Stay, I 
 do remember there was some trivial dispute about a patch of 
 barren land. Tut, tut, to think now that so great a friend should 
 be affronted at such a trifle. The exact merits of the case have 
 now escaped me ; but as I was prepared lo give way all round 
 
1 1 6 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 there need be no ill feeling on such a subject ; only to think now 
 but there, some people are that touchy that there is no pleasing 
 them." The captain now began to sing to an old well-known 
 song, some words of his own 
 
 " The Von a mighty man is he with large and sinewy arms." 
 
 " Dogvane, cease ; this is no time to exercise your vocal powers. 
 I have been a good friend to my German relations. I verily 
 believe that I support half his army in the bands that are for ever 
 braying out their discordant sounds in my streets. Then are not 
 my own people constantly at me for employing my foreign 
 relations to the prejudice of my own children ? and with some 
 show of justice too, for German bakers make my bread, German 
 tailors make most of my clothes, and German Jews are constantly 
 draining away my money. Do I not find royal wives for German 
 princelets, and do I not dower them handsomely into the bargain ? 
 and yet they give me the cold shoulder in return. No matter 
 who dances, Master Dogvane, it seems to me it is I who have to 
 pay the piper. To one of my worthy friend's sons, poor fellow, I 
 begrudged nothing, for he was a king of kings and a fine manly 
 fellow, and one who will never die." 
 
 " Marriage, my master, often severs families instead of uniting 
 them. This only bears out what T am constantly telling you, and 
 that is to have as little as possible to do with your relations. But, 
 master, a good deal of what we call ingratitude in others is due 
 to faults in ourselves. We start by expecting more than we 
 deserve, and are disappointed when we only get our deserts ; but, 
 of course, we never think of putting the saddle on the right back." 
 
 Our two travellers, weary, thristy, and dust-stained, now came 
 to Austria, and were in hopes of getting a more friendly reception ; 
 such a one, in fact, that would justify them in staying there and 
 breaking bread and drinking a flagon of wine for the sake of good 
 fellowship. But no, Dogvane had managed to tread upon the 
 toes of Austria, and had got himself disliked even here. He 
 swore it was a part of that terrible inheritance he had received 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 117 
 
 over from the other watch. According to his own account, no 
 man was ever so unfortunate. 
 
 Dogvane now entered upon a most lengthy and learned ex- 
 planation upon the quality of gratitude, and what he said upon 
 such a matter would deserve the greatest consideration, but 
 weightier things still, attended upon their footsteps. 
 
 A messenger arrived post haste to say, that information had 
 been received through the proper official channel, that the great 
 Bandit of the East was behaving himself in an altogether unac- 
 countable and strange manner. In fact, that he had broken into 
 one Abdur's garden, and was playing, what was called in unofficial 
 language general, Old Harry, there. 
 
 "Here is another of your confounded foreign relations cropping 
 up," said Dogvane to himself. 
 
 " How about this, Master Dogvane ? " exclaimed the Buccaneer. 
 
 "Why, this sort of thing, sir, has been going on forages, and it 
 is nothing more nor less than a party trick of the other watch, at 
 the bottom, of which, no doubt, is that mischievous young imp, 
 Random Jack. I have myself frequently asked the Eastern 
 Bandit about these unsavoury reports, and his smile was childlike 
 and bland as he replied, that if anything was going on wrong, he 
 knew nothing about it. He is a truthful and a Christian man 
 and would not tell a lie, not for the whole Empire of India. At 
 least, if he would, I have no official information upon the 
 subject." 
 
 " Well, Master Dogvane, the readiest way to set the matter at 
 rest is to go and see for ourselves." 
 
 "That would be a most undignified proceeding, sir. You 
 cannot expect foreign nations to respect you if you go and poke 
 your nose into other people's dustbins. Besides, sir, it would be 
 a most unconstitutional thing ; and before undertaking it, we at 
 least ought to retrace our steps home and set the official mind at 
 work to find out a precedent. Then if such a thing can be found, 
 which I very much doubt, we will at once proceed to the 
 scene of action, and throw the light of our official eye upon the 
 Eastern Bandit, who, no doubt, being dazzled and frightened by 
 
1 1 8 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 such an unusual occurrence, will fear some revolution of nature 3 
 and so retire to his own ground." 
 
 " Master Dogvane, the official coach is far too slow for an 
 occasion like this. We can walk the distance very much quicker, 
 so set thy face to the East and march. And on our way we will 
 pay the honest Turk a visit." 
 
 " Oh lord ! " exclaimed Dogvane to himself, " here is another 
 kettle of fish. Sir, are we not tired, hungry, and thirsty? And 
 the weather is much too warm for such a journey. But, if go we 
 must, gallivanting about in the East, we shall save a little, sir, if 
 we leave this Turk on our right hand." 
 
 "Master Dogvane, the Turk is a friend of mine. We have 
 fought side by side against the Eastern Bandit, and may be we 
 shall have to do so again. I will therefore pay my respects to him." 
 
 " I would kick him bag and baggage out of Europe if I had my 
 way," muttered old Dogvane. 
 
 The Buccaneer found the head of the Moslem world pensively 
 smoking his chibouck. "Ah ! " said he, " you, at least, my honest 
 friend, will not turn your back upon me. I have at least you to 
 fall back upon." 
 
 " Monsieur, I salute you," said the Turk with extreme polite- 
 ness. " When you want to get anything out of me you call me 
 friend and honest Turk ; when you do not, I am a rogue, a vaga- 
 bond, and little better than a barbarian. A while since, and your 
 captain was for kicking me, bag and baggage, out of Europe." 
 Dogvane was a little taken aback at having been overheard, but 
 he soon recovered himself and w r as ready to argue that if his 
 words were taken properly they could bear no such signification. 
 
 The Buccaneer was so taken by surprise that he could not 
 speak, while Dogvane, shading his eyes with his hand, cast a look 
 towards the beautiful Golden Horn, to see if the yacht was there, 
 for he was weary of travelling, and had become what is called 
 home-sick, and had he never had to consider things abroad, the 
 chances are it would have been very much better for his reputa- 
 tion, and for that of his master. He said, " What is the use of 
 your meandering in foreign parts, sir, you have a nice, snug, well- 
 
Life o) a Celebrated Buccaneer. \ 19 
 
 feathered little nest in, the Western Ocean, where everything 
 smiles upon you. There lies your yacht ; then let us aboard : 
 weigh anchor, and make for the rosy bed of the setting sun." 
 
 The Turk interrupted : " It suits your purpose, mon ami," he 
 said, addressing the Buccaneer, "to seek my friendship now. 
 But the honest Turk was not born yesterday, and he is very much 
 more than seven, so he allies himself with those who will not cast 
 him off when they have no further need of him." 
 
 This roused the suspicions of the Buccaneer. "Whatever you 
 do," he cried, " do not ally yourself with the Eastern Bandit. 
 Give him a wide berth or he will pluck you to your last feather." 
 "An open enemy," replied the Turk, "is better than a 
 treacherous friend. Pat my back to-day ; kick but no matter, 
 Allah is good ! There is but one God, and Mohammed is his 
 prophet." 
 
 " Treacherous friend," ejaculated the Buccaneer, turning to the 
 captain. " Does the Turk call me treacherous, Master Dogvane?" 
 " Heaven forbid such a thing, sir ! The Turk merely made a 
 general remark, which in the ab -tract no doubt is true. But, 
 master, leave the Turk alone. If you do not come speedily away 
 he will borrow of you for a certainty." 
 
 " But he has been my friend, Master Dogvane, for these many 
 years." 
 
 ' True, sir ; and you have treated him more kindly than you 
 usually do your friends, whom you occasionally fall out with ; 
 even coming to blows at times. But the Turk's friendship, good 
 master, is of a costly kind. He is a ready borrower, but a tardy 
 payer. Look at the money he has spent in riotous living? 
 Honest enough, no doubt ; but as he is always out at elbows he 
 cannot afford to indulge in such a luxury. A needy friend, good 
 master, is a constant source of annoyance ; for when poverty 
 comes, pride goes, and your friend soon sinks into the degraded 
 position of a most importunate and shameless beggar." 
 
 " I do not like to turn my back upon a friend just because he 
 is down in the world, Master Dogvane." 
 
 " The feeling does you credit ; it is noble ; but, good sir, we 
 
I2O Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 must draw a line, lest at any time we give countenance to vice. 
 We often deceive ourselves, and act as we think, generously, either 
 out of idleness or fear, lest the babbling world should condemn 
 us for want of kindness to those in need. God forbid that you 
 should forsake a friend because he is down ! But when a man 
 has brought his suffering and misfortunes upon himself, then, 
 good master, sympathy is bestowed upon a worthless object. 
 Why should you assist one who will not help himself? Who so 
 long as he can borrow will spend ? The Turk will not live within 
 his means, and you have found, sir, that you cannot enjoy his 
 friendship without paying heavily for it." With reflections like 
 these Dogvane led his master away, and the Turk watched their 
 retreating steps with half-closed eyes ; but yet he was not asleep ; 
 but the precise nature of his thoughts cannot, for obvious reasons, 
 be disclosed. 
 
 " Oh for a sniff of the fresh sea air ! " cried Dogvane, as he 
 looked wistfully towards the ocean. " To feel yourself once more 
 afloat, master, with your empire beneath your feet, and your good 
 little ship dancing merrily to the music of the waves, would make 
 a different man of you." 
 
 " Aye, aye, Master Dogvane, perhaps it would ; but I have 
 other fish to fry just at present. Those were merry days when I 
 ploughed the seas in search of adventure, and it all comes back to 
 me like a dream. I fancy I hear now the clack, clack of my 
 many windlasses ; the yo ! heave-ho ! of my merry men, as they 
 sheeted home their sails, and mast-headed their yards. The 
 brave sea fights ; the brilliant actions of my lads ; the sinking of 
 the enemy's ships, all, all comes back upon me. I fancy I can 
 see my merry men, pike in hand, swarming over the ship's sides, 
 while we poured in broadsides muzzle to muzzle. I almost hear 
 their shouts. They strike, they strike, Dogvane, while our 
 colours still fly proudly over us, nailed to the mast. See the 
 ocean blurred with their life's blood. Ah ! it is past, Dogvane, it 
 is past. Lend me thy shoulder, man, lend me thy shoulder, for 
 my eyes are dim. Alas ! they are clouded by memory. Are 
 those good old days gone, never, never to return ? " 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 121 
 
 Dogvane had learned from experience that when his master 
 had on him one of these fits of despondency, the best thing to be 
 done was to let him alone. He contented himself with saying, 
 " Every age, my master, has its advantages. We cannot say that 
 the spring is more beautiful than the summer, nor yet the summer 
 than the autumn, while hoary-headed winter is not free from 
 charms." 
 
CHAPTER XXV. 
 
 AWAY our two friends journeyed until they came to a high emi- 
 nence which commanded a good view of all the country round. 
 At their feet was spread the garden of Abdur, and in the distance 
 was to be seen the El Dorado of the East. The fair lands of the 
 Buccaneer's Indian Princess. How lovely it all looked ; the hot 
 sun streaming down on plains covered with jungle and the tall 
 cocoanut trees with their long stems and bushy heads ; and the 
 shady plaintain with its long, broad leaves. Then rivers wound 
 through the plain like huge silver serpents making their endless 
 way to the sea. 
 
 As may be easily imagined, the Buccaneer who was not accus- 
 tomed to such lengthy and arduous journeys, was completely done 
 up, for the ascent had been steep and difficult ; often had he 
 stopped to admire the scenery, an excuse generally made by the 
 weary, who are too proud to admit that they are in the smallest 
 degree overcome. Rivulets of perspiration were running down 
 the old gentleman's face, and it took him some time to mop himself 
 and gain his breath. Dogvane, as the saying is, had not turned 
 a hair. Whether this was on account of the paucity of that article, 
 or the general leanness of his condition, it is not necessary to 
 say. 
 
 The Buccaneer sat and contemplated in silence the beauty of 
 the scene before him, while the captain of his watch looked 
 through the left corner of his eye towards Abdur's home. Pre- 
 sently a shout in that direction made the Buccaneer start from his 
 happy reverie, and turning to his left there he saw the Eastern 
 Bandit, apparently enjoying himself in Abdur's garden, and not 
 keeping to the pathways either, but trampling borders and beds 
 under foot. " Hallo ! Master Dogvane," exclaimed the Bucca- 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 123 
 
 neer, " sure enough there he is at his handiwork, just as we were 
 told." 
 
 "Be not too hasty, master," Dogvane replied. "Things are 
 not always as they seem ; so somebody has said, and I believe 
 him. We are absolutely without any official information on the 
 subject, while, on the contrary, I have the august Bandit's word 
 for it, that he wants nothing out of Abdur's garden, and I believe 
 him, for the fruit is of a prickly kind, and not at all enticing. In 
 fact, more fit for asses than for human beings." 
 
 " Facts are stubborn things, Master Dogvane, and seeing surely 
 is believing." 
 
 " Not always, sir \ for how many people are deceived by their 
 eyes ? one swearing he saw one thing, another swearing the very 
 reverse. Things are deceptive, more especially when seen through 
 glasses dimmed by prejudice." Dogvane said nothing about the 
 dimness of the official eye, which is well known to be as nearly 
 blind as possible, without being absolutely so. He put his glass 
 up and took a survey, taking good care that that part of Abdur's 
 garden where the Bandit was should not come within his range. 
 " For my part," he said, " I do not think the Eastern Bandit is in 
 Abdur's garden. You may depend upon it, sir, he is merely going 
 through the time honoured custom of beating the bounds." 
 
 " Then you go down, Master Dogvane, and see that the boun- 
 daries are fairly marked." 
 
 " It has ever been the custom to take some small boy, and by 
 bumping him or whipping him upon the breech at certain places, 
 to engraft the boundaries indelibly upon his memory. I arn too 
 old a man for this. It is a thousand pities that we have not young 
 Random Jack with us. He is for ever wishing to render you 
 some signal service, as much to make a name for himself as to do 
 good to you. Now, this would be an excellent opportunity for him 
 to show his zeal, and I regret extremely that the lad is not here. 
 It would be well worth while to send for him." 
 
 Dogvane's meditations were put a stop to by the Buccaneer ex- 
 claiming, as he brought down his telescope and shut up the slides 
 with a bang : " As I hope to be saved, Master Dogvane, the Ban- 
 
124 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 dit is in our friend Abdur's garden ! " Here he opened his spy- 
 glass again and took another look. " And what is more," he 
 added, " the rascal seems inclined to lay his hands upon what 
 does not belong to him." 
 
 Fat as the Buccaneer had grown, and lazy as his prosperity and 
 good living had made him, he did at times rouse himself, and 
 when he did he frequently flew into the most violent fits of pas- 
 sion, and made use of the most terrible language, and altogether 
 forgetting that he was a Christian he would swear like any Turk, 
 or the proverbial trooper. Our friend was now seized with a war- 
 like epidemic, which, as a rule, is very infectious. He was for 
 fighting his old enemy at once, for he felt fully persuaded that he 
 must be in the wrong. Dogvane, the man of peace, tried to calm 
 his master down, and begged him to take things quietly ; saying 
 that it was time enough to draw the sword when diplomacy failed. 
 
 The Buccaneer when he heard that word, ripped out several 
 oaths of such a nature, as to make Dogvane's hair stand on end. 
 This annoyed the Buccaneer still more, and he requested Dog- 
 vane, in tones not to be disobeyed, not to do it. The captain 
 apologized, and delared it was the " wind, and nothing more ; " 
 showing that his mind was far away. The Buccaneer, however, 
 quickly brought him back to his senses, by commanding him to 
 ask the Eastern Bandit, in the politest manner possible, what 
 the devil he meant, by trespassing upon other people's 
 property. Of course, things had to be done in a proper way, 
 and strictly according to custom. Dogvane knew very well 
 that it was quite useless to ask the Eastern Bandit for any 
 information, because, whatever his intentions might be, it was 
 not at all likely that he would disclose them. To do so, 
 would be to act in a manner altogether undiplomatic. But 
 obedient to his master's commands, the captain of the watch 
 went to a small rivulet that sprang out of the mountain side close 
 by. This tiny stream after bounding from rock to rock of its 
 mountain bed. fell down into the plain below, and then widen- 
 ing and growing deeper and deeper, rolled lazily through Abdur's 
 garden, refreshing its parched soil with its grateful waters. 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 125 
 
 Dogvane put his hand to the side of his mouth and sent down 
 on the bosom of the rivulet a request couched in the most polite 
 language to know what the great Bandit of the East was about. 
 Back came a voice from the plains below, saying, " The august 
 Bandit of the East, the master of many millions of slaves, re- 
 quests the Buccaneer of the West to mind his own business." 
 
 " Tells me to mind my own business, does he ? And call you 
 that a diplomatic answer, Master Dogvane ?" 
 
 "Most assuredly," replied the captain. " It would have been 
 quite as easy for him to have told you to go to the devil. How 
 can you find fault with him, or anyone else, for telling you to 
 mind your own business. It is what every right-minded and 
 honest man ought to do." 
 
 " But it is what every right-minded and honest man does not 
 like to be told to do. This business is mine, Master Dogvane. 
 Do you not see that he is putting his huge foot forward ? " 
 
 " My eyesight in such things is somewhat dim ; but be not 
 hasty. In times past, sir, your rashness has led you into sad 
 trouble. For all we know the Eastern Bandit does but stretch his 
 leg, preparatory to making a backward movement. For my part, 
 I think this must be so. I go so far as to say that it is so ; for I 
 have entered into an agreement with him; or it may be an 
 arrangement, or even a sacred covenant." 
 
 " The devil take your covenant ! " cried the Buccaneer, " I am 
 going to see into this little matter myself," and away the old 
 gentleman started off, with a speed that endangered his neck. 
 Dogvane needs must follow ; but he was not so good going down 
 as up a hill on occasions like this. " Steady, my master ! Steady !" 
 he cried. " The more haste, the less speed. God forbid that we 
 should not uphold the sacred ties of friendship ; but, sir, I beg 
 you; I beseech you, not to be rash. Remember, those who 
 quarrels interpose, often wipe a bloody nose. Let us try the 
 gentle force of reason first, then if that fails 
 
 " What then, Master Dogvane?" said the Buccaneer, stopping 
 and turning round to confront his captain. 
 
 " Time, sir, and the course of events alone can tell. In a good 
 
126 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 cause, in a righteous cause, old Will Dogvane will be found ever 
 ready to draw the sword." 
 
 " Damme ! Dogvane, there's life in the old dog yet." 
 
 " Sir, swear not; it makes my blood curdle in my veins." 
 
 " Dogvane ! Dogvane ! " cried the Buccaneer, " As I live he is 
 beating Abdur's children ! " 
 
 "And why not, sir? why not? no doubt, they richly deserve 
 it. Have you not taken the liberty of doing the self same thing 
 yourself?" 
 
 They were now very much closer, and Dogvane put up his 
 glass to his official eye, and declared he saw nothing out of the 
 way going on. This so irritated the Buccaneer, that he performed 
 something in the nature of a miracle, and he made Dogvane re- 
 ceive his sight. He owned that he did see something in the na- 
 ture of a beating taking place. Then he said by way of excuse : 
 "You can not expect, sir, to have a monopoly of beating other 
 people's children. But at any rate," he continued, " the time has 
 come for us to show the Eastern Bandit that we are not to be 
 trifled with. We are now near enough for him to see. The man 
 who will not stand up for a friend in need, deserves to be branded 
 with the name of coward." 
 
 " Bravo, Dogvane ! " exclaimed the Buccaneer, " I don't care 
 for sentiment, as a rule ; for it generally cloaks some infernal 
 rascality ; but damme that's a good sentiment, and one to my 
 liking." 
 
 Dogvane felt an honest pride in having thus pleased his master. 
 He felt also encouraged, so taking off his coat and turning up his 
 shirt sleeves he said, " When the Eastern Bandit sees the sinews 
 of my goodly arms, he will, no doubt, become frightened, and 
 pause ere he provokes me to anger ; but, master, you will stand 
 by me?" 
 
 " Through thick and thin, Dogvane ! " 
 
 " It will be a costly affair, for I needs must make gigantic pre- 
 parations. I shall have to go into training." 
 
 "Name but your sum, Dogvane, and it is yours," cried the 
 fighting old Buccaneer in an ecstasy of delight. 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 127 
 
 "It cannot be done comfortably, sir, under ^11,000,000," 
 replied the captain. 
 
 "It is yours, Dogvane ! It is yours, I am rich, and I am 
 generous." 
 
 " Has the taking off of my coat in any way frightened him, my 
 master ? Your eyesight is better than mine." 
 
 "Not a bit, Dogvane. The beggar is dancing about just as if 
 the whole place belonged to him. Go in, old man, and win. 
 Nail your colours to the mast," the old sea king could not forget 
 his early days, with its quaint language. " And may God defend 
 the right ! " he piously exclaimed as he took off his hat and raised 
 his eyes devoutly to heaven. Of course there could be little doubt 
 in the Buccaneer's own mind as to who was in the right. As has 
 already been stated he fully believed that God was always on his 
 side, and if he did come off second best, it was the Devil who for 
 some good reason was allowed, for the time being, to prevail 
 against him. This is a pardonable vanity and is shared by many 
 other pious and devout people. With Dogvane it was different- 
 He was blessed, or cursed according to the way it is looked at, 
 with a most tender conscience, and though he never allowed it 
 for any length of time to stand in his way, it caused him so to act> 
 that people condemned him as a splitter of straws and a weigher 
 of scruples. While he was thus occupied he generally allowed 
 the golden opportunity to pass by and thus he frequently brought 
 his wares to the market a day or so after the fair. And many a 
 time the words " too late" were hung out over the gate he wished 
 to enter at. 
 
 Scarcely had the Buccaneer finished the above pious ejaculation 
 than Dogvane's stout right arm fell listlessly to his side. He 
 drooped his head as he repeated, in a low tone of voice, the words 
 of his master: "And may God defend the right! That sends a 
 cold thrill through every vein in my body. Suppose," he said, 
 addressing his master. "Suppose; I say suppose, my master, 
 we are in the wrong, what a weight of blood-guiltiness will rest 
 upon our heads ? Suppose we are in the wrong, and being in the 
 
128 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 wrong we spill the blood of a fellow-creature? Good master, I 
 have a qualm of conscience." 
 
 " Oh ! damn your conscience ! " cried the Buccaneer, whose 
 blood was up. Of course such language is reprehensible in the 
 extreme ; no matter who uses it ; but it is doubly so when it falls 
 from the lips of a pious Christian gentleman. But, good people 
 all, what is bred in the bone, will come out in the flesh. Dogvane 
 recoiled from such language. 
 
 " Damn not my conscience, sir, nor that of any other man," 
 he said, for his religion was unlike many a modern lady's beauty, 
 it was even more than skin deep. 
 
 " Conscience," continued Dogvane, " is the guiding star by 
 which we steer these frail barks of ours through life. Too many 
 of us do not, consequently we find ourselves lost amidst shoals 
 and quicksands. In a just cause, in a righteous cause I will 
 fight." 
 
 "What!" cried the Buccaneer in amazement, "are you going 
 to put your coat on again ? " 
 
 " This, sir, is a matter that must receive our gravest consideration. 
 Before we fight we must thoroughly sift the matter in the inmost 
 recesses of the mind, until we are fully convinced of the sacred- 
 ness of our cause. The man" 
 
 " Stay, Master Dogvane ! Not another word in that direction 
 as you value the wholeness of your skin. Give me anything you 
 like ; but damme, dont't try my temper with another sentiment." 
 
 "What I was going to say, most noble master, is this. If we 
 have in any way offended the Bandit of the East, we must make 
 what reparation we can by craving his pardon." 
 
 "What!" cried the Buccaneer, "are you going to humble me 
 before all the world ? " 
 
 "Nay, sir ; call it not by such a name. It is a noble thing, and 
 the act of a great and generous mind to own freely that it is in the 
 wrong. I do not humble you. I exalt you and place you upon 
 a high pinnacle of perfection. It requires more courage to own 
 oneself in the wrong than it does to take up the sword. It stands 
 to reason, sir, that we both cannot be in the right ; this being 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 129 
 
 conceded why should not the wrong be on our side, nay, what 
 more likely than that it is? Let us then sheathe the bloody 
 brutalizing sword until the merits of the case are fully shown." 
 
 "And are all your mighty words to go for nothing, Master 
 Dogvane? How about my honour? How about my honour?'' 
 said the Buccaneer sorrowfully. 
 
 " Honour, sir ! " replied Dogvane. " Honour ! what is honour 
 that you should shed human blood over it? It is but a breath 
 that comes from the mouths of other people, and the same mouth 
 is as ready to damn as bless. This honour, what is it? It is here 
 to-day, it is gone to-morrow, and is hunted often to death by envy, 
 hatred, and malice, until in the end it is handed over to the tender 
 mercies of its adversary shame. This self same honour that is 
 so much lauded, is a picker of quarrels, a shedder of blood, a vain 
 boaster, and a veritable swashbuckler. This honour is the veriest 
 bubble that man ever fought for, or prated about, and it has done 
 more mischief in the world than any other of man's vain causes of 
 strife ; because no principle has been so plentifully abused, except, 
 perhaps, the principle of religion. For this self same honour, or its 
 shadow, you have sacrificed countless thousands of your own sons, 
 and slaughtered countless thousands of other people's. For the sake 
 of this honour you have burdened yourself with a debt that you will 
 carry with you to your grave and it will bend your back, more and 
 more each day you live. God grant that in the end it does not crush 
 you beneath its weight. We will place this matter in the hands of 
 others who will arbitrate between you and the Eastern Bandit, 
 who, I cannot but think, is grossly maligned. This, good master, 
 will be a more humane, a more civilised, and a more Christian 
 method of settling your dispute." 
 
 During this harangue of Dogvane's the spirits of the Buccaneer 
 kept on falling and falling until despair sat heavily at his heart. 
 There was something quite pathetic in his bearing as he said : 
 " Master Dogvane, I do not wish to be better than my neigh- 
 bours. They are all Christians, and yet they all fight. Madame 
 France is armed to the teeth. My German cousin sleeps in 
 armour always, with one eye open. Then, why should I bang up 
 
130 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 my sword, pistols and buckler and resent neither rebuke, insult, 
 nor injury ? In such a matter as this, is it wise to trust to a third 
 party ? " 
 
 " Master, what does your religion teach you ? Be you the pioneer 
 of a better state of things. God knows we have had fighting 
 enough." 
 
 '' I wish my old coxswain were here," said the Buccaneer. 
 " This is an occasion when his advice would come in well." Per- 
 haps, had he been present he might have told his master that he 
 had better turn monk at once and start a monastery if he intended 
 to follow the advice of the captain of the watch. Why, you ask, 
 did not this fighting, hard swearing, and hard drinking old sea 
 king whip out his hanger and go in at the Bandit himself? 
 
 Good people all, it must be remembered, that he now con- 
 ducted his business on purely constitutional principles, and he 
 would have violated some one or many of these had he so acted. 
 So wedded was he to his constitution that it is probable he 
 would have preferred to be utterly ruined by sticking to it, than 
 saved by going in any way against it. He was a great stickler for 
 routine, red tape, and custom. They, for the time, left the 
 Eastern Bandit in the full enjoyment of his actions. Dogvane 
 broke the silence. " Sir," he said, " I have in my mind's eye a 
 worthy potentate who may, for a small consideration, be induced 
 to serve you in this dispute you have with the Eastern Bandit. 
 King Hokeepokeewonkeefum 
 
 " What ! " exclaimed the Buccaneer, in surprise. 
 
 "Does the length of the name astonish you, sir? We have 
 near neighbours whose names, were they all joined together, far 
 exceed the one just mentioned. All great and illustrious people 
 have long names ; but they are all capable of contraction. King 
 Hokee, sir, as we will for brevity call him." 
 
 " What ! " exclaimed the Buccaneer again, almost breathless 
 \vith amazement. " Entrust my affairs to a black ? " There was 
 an adjective used, but for various reasons it has not been recorded. 
 
 " Surely, sir," replied Dogvane, " you are above the prejudice 
 of colour. Though black, King Hokee has no doubt a mind parlio 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 131 
 
 ularly free from prejudice. Is he not a man and a brother? 
 Besides, sir, to borrow somewhat from perhaps a greater William 
 than myself : Hath not King Hokee eyes ? Hath he not hands, 
 organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions ? If he has not I 
 have no official information on the subject. Is he not fed by the 
 same food, hurt by the same weapons, subject to the same 
 diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the 
 same winter and summer as we are ? If you prick King Hokee, 
 think you he will not bleed? If you tickle him, will he not laugh ? 
 If you poison him, will he not die ? " 
 
 " Cease, Master Dogvane; no more of this. You have stabbed 
 me, and verily I bleed. To think that the old sea king should be 
 brought so low as to ask a favour from a damned black ! " 
 
 For certain weighty reasons the adjective here is not omitted. 
 
 " Have I then no friend, Master Dogvane ; no great neighbour 
 to whom I can entrust this affair ? " 
 
 "It is one of the penalties attached to greatness, sir, to be 
 without friends. The great stand upon an eminence and look 
 down upon a gaping crowd of admirers, flatterers, and detractors ; 
 but they have no friends, at least not worth the mentioning. Be- 
 sides, King Hokee would do the thing cheaper. A tin star with an 
 appropriate appellation would satisfy him, and you could make 
 him pay handsomely for the star." 
 
 " Am I then placed so high up on this bleak and sterile peak ? 
 I have done a great deal for Egypt; surely she will show me some 
 little kindness ? To show that my prejudice for colour is not 
 great I will place the matter in her hands." 
 
 " People served, sir, have but short memories," was Dogvane's 
 reply. 
 
 "We will at any rate break our journey back there, Master 
 Dogvane, and we can mention the subject to the gipsy queen." 
 
 The captain did not seem to relish this, for he said in a dispar- 
 aging manner : " Yes, you have done a good deal for the gipsy ; 
 but the man who does not wish to be disappointed will expect 
 gratitude from no one, least of all from a woman. In Egypt, sir. 
 our game has been, I own, a subtle one; but, like the villain in the 
 
132 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 play, we have been obliged, and still must dissemble, so as not to 
 excite the jealousy of our neighbours." 
 
 Dogvane loved dissembling. " Sir," he added, as he shut one 
 eye and put the forefinger of his right hand to the side of his nose 
 in a most knowing manner, " we have not thought it wise to let 
 the gipsy woman into our little secret. We have set up in Egypt 
 a dummy whom we call a ruler. Behind his back we pull the 
 strings of administration. When all goes well we come in front 
 and make our bow to the audience, and receive our well merited 
 applause. When anything goes wrong, we beat our dummy ; he 
 does not mind, and it would be all the same if he did; our neigh- 
 bours are satisfied, and their suspicions are allayed." 
 
 " Is this honourable, Dogvane ? " 
 
 " Sir, it is most diplomatic, consequently, it cannot be less than 
 honourable." 
 
 The Buccaneer thought -for awhile and then said: "It would 
 have been better for me, Master Dogvane, to have seized the 
 country at once. There would have been a cackling in some of 
 my neighbours' poultry yards, but it would have saved an infinity 
 of trouble in the end." 
 
 Dogvane was horrified at such a suggestion. This was a falling 
 off and a going back with a vengeance. " Such a wholesale act 
 of robbery," he said, " would perhaps have been pardonable in 
 your old Buccaneering days, when you laid your hands on what 
 you could, and did all you could to keep it ; but in this, your age 
 of extreme respectability, it would never do. Why ! you would 
 have had all your neighbours buzzing about your ears like a swarm 
 of angry wasps. The act would have been most undiplo- 
 matic." 
 
 Here apparently some unpleasant thoughts entered the Bucca- 
 neer's mind, for a cloud passed over his face. " Diplomacy," he 
 said ; " that has never been a very strong point with me. I 
 like to be open and above board, at least, at one time I did, 
 and I loved to call a spade a spade. This diplomacy, Master 
 Dogvane, is a genteel kind of a highwayman, who is not above 
 insinuating his hands into the pockets of the unwary, while he 
 
Life o) a Celebrated Buccaneer. 133 
 
 distracts the attention of his victim by expressing towards him the 
 highest esteem and regard. I would quite as soon he showed 
 himself in his true colours and cried out boldly : ' Stand and 
 deliver.' " 
 
CHAPTER XXVI. 
 
 THE journey homewards was a sad one, for the spirits of the old 
 sea king were entirely broken. The captain of the watch tried 
 all he could to cheer him up. He drew in fancy a pleasing 
 picture of the island home they had left ; of the contentment, 
 prosperity, and happiness that reigned there, and old Dogvane 
 did not forget to lay on the colours. As an artist in this line he 
 was extremely good. As they left the domes and minarets of the 
 grand Turk behind them, Dogvane turned to his master and 
 said : " I cannot see why so good and great a man as my august 
 master is, should not be content to rest upon the laurels he has 
 already earned." 
 
 Flattery is at all times acceptable, and to all people ; the only 
 difference being that to suit the vulgar appetite you must lay it 
 on thick, while to the refined the touches must be delicate and 
 smooth. Dogvane, seeing the good effect that this kind of physic 
 had upon his master, administered a little more. " Now take 
 this Egyptian woman's case. See what you have done for her. 
 You have tried to put down slavery. You have set your face 
 against the brutal lash. You have tried at least to banish the 
 evil-minded, blood-sucking Pasha, and in doing all this you have 
 spent millions of money, and have sacrificed many of your bravest 
 sons. One, even, we immolated at the shrine of the great god 
 Necessity. We placed him in a pit even as Joseph was placed in 
 a pit ; but alas ! Joseph was more fortunate ; our offering was 
 slain. Think you, sir, that in return for all this you will receive 
 gratitude ? " 
 
 " Master Dogvane, Egypt has always been of great interest to 
 me, and through her lands I consider I have a right-of-way. Thus 
 J have done very much for her, and if for nothing else, she ought 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 135 
 
 to thank me for putting down that most barbarous of a things, 
 the traffic in human beings." 
 
 " Sir, look rather for your reward in the righteousness of the 
 cause. The man " 
 
 " Stay, Master Dogvane ; if you are going to give me another 
 sentiment, spare me I beseech you." 
 
 " I was merely going to observe, sir, that the man who places 
 the smallest faith in a woman's constancy, digs a pit for himself, 
 into which he is sooner or later sure to fall." 
 
 Dogvane, for reasons best known to himself, was decidedly 
 against this visit to Egypt. He seemed to be in some doubt as 
 to the reception he would receive ; but all his endeavours to dis- 
 suade his master were of no avail. The Buccaneer himself 
 thought that Egypt must needs consider herself under the 
 greatest obligation to him ; but the best of men, and even the 
 wisest, are often deceived, more especially as regards themselves, 
 The poor man wanted consolation, and he was ready to go any* 
 where to obtain it. 
 
 There was no greater enemy in the world to the slave-dealer 
 than was this great Buccaneer and righting trader. He was forever 
 going about, trying to put a stop to the degrading traffic, more 
 especially when the wretched victims were black. His ships of 
 war had strict orders to chase and capture all slavers found on the 
 High Seas. His missionaries preached against the heinous trade. 
 Both watches condemned it, and all the people of every descrip- 
 tion of belief, held up their hands in pious horror at the barter in 
 flesh and blood. All, from the schoolboy just breeched, to the 
 old man, whose tottering steps were leading him to the grave, 
 were lovers of freedom, and the sworn enemies of slavery. 
 
 But, strange to say, when Jonathan attempted to put down 
 slavery, the Buccaneer's sympathies were on the side of the slave- 
 owner. Stranger still, though he was forever trying to put down 
 slavery amongst other people, he allowed it to be practised to a 
 very large extent amongst his own. Of course it was clothed in 
 fine garments of rich words, so the sinfulness of the thing was 
 hidden from his own eyes ; but the whole of his society was Irttlc 
 
1 36 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 better than a huge market, where white slaves were bought and 
 sold every day. Sold by heartless and mercenary mothers, to 
 whom a rich equipage and a good social position was of far more 
 consideration than any foolish and antiquated feelings of the 
 heart, all of which are mere matters of sentiment, and weigh as 
 light as air in comparison to the many advantages that gold can 
 buy. It was no uncommon thing to see a fair, and perchance a 
 blushing maiden, sold for a price to some withered piece of 
 humanity. Their shameless mothers gave their daughters as they 
 parted with them the kiss of Judas, and bedewed their fair young 
 cheeks with the tears of hypocrisy, and then hastened to their 
 churches to thank their God that they were not as others, doubters, 
 perhaps, and unbelievers. 
 
 This inhuman traffic in human souls found its moral in one of 
 the Buccaneer's law courts, the proceedings of which were emptied 
 out amongst the people, and eagerly devoured by them. It must 
 be owned that the victims of this trade bore their misfortunes 
 with becoming fortitude. Having been well schooled by their 
 mothers the degradation was not altogether clear to them, nor 
 the narrow space that divided them from their less fortunate and 
 despised sisters. 
 
 Like many other highly civilised communities the social at- 
 mosphere of the Buccaneer's island w r as largely impregnated with 
 sham. Everything lay upon the surface, there was no depth. 
 There was not only a greed for money, but there was a great greed 
 for excitement, and a passionate desire on the part of the rich and 
 vulgar nobodies to scramble up into a position higher than that 
 to which they were either entitled, cr fit for, and not unfrequently 
 people who had the entry into what was called good society, let 
 themselves out for a consideration to these upstarts, who would 
 consider it a great condescension to be kicked down-stairs by 
 one of noble birth. It was all this that perhaps gave a colouring 
 to the sayings of those who declared that our bold Buccaneer w r as 
 about the biggest humbug and hypocrite that ever walked upon 
 the face of the earth. 
 
 Our two travellers occupied themselves with many pious specu- 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 137 
 
 lations on their way to the land of the Pharaohs, for Dogvane for 
 a sailor, was well up in the Scriptures, and his knowledge of the 
 Old Testament was considerable. They compared the past with 
 the present, and wandered through many flowery fields of thought, 
 until the land they sought came up out of the sea before 
 them. 
 
CHAPTER XXVII. 
 
 As they approached the Buccaneer swept the shores with his 
 glass, " She seems to be going in for repairs, Master Dogvane." 
 Dogvane remained silent, as his eyes rested upon the land in 
 front. He knew more about things than he wished to say. " I 
 told you, sir," he said, " that we had knocked down a few forts." 
 
 As they approached nearer they saw the Egyptian Queen 
 sitting upon a heap of ruins ; her right elbow on her knee, her 
 head resting upon her hand. Her flashing eyes showed there was 
 anger in her heart; that something was wrong. Dogvane evi- 
 dently did not like the look of things, for when his master landed 
 he hung back ; but the Buccaneer, not knowing the cause of 
 Egypt's sorrow, went boldly forward. When he spoke Egypt 
 turned so fiercely upon him, that he was taken completely aback. 
 " Hence fiend ! " she cried, as she pointed to the sea. The Buc- 
 caneer looked for his captain, but that worthy was keeping out of 
 the way and was pretending to look for shell fish. His master 
 hailed him and he arrived just in time to hear Egypt say, " The 
 Ten Plagues with which God smote me in days of old were 
 as blessings compared with thy accursed friendship." 
 
 " Dogvane ! " exclaimed the Buccaneer, " how's this ? " 
 
 " Tis passing strange, sir ! all official information is dumb 
 upon the subject." Then turning aside he said : " How the hag 
 raves." 
 
 Egypt rose up from her throne of crumbled stones and stood 
 majestic. Extending her right arm towards her afflicted country 
 and looking at the Buccaneer, with eyes filled with hatred, she 
 exclaimed, " You have slain my children and their blood has 
 flowed out like water upon the sands of the desert. Their bones 
 lie bleaching in the sun ; a witness to thy barbarity and cruelty 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 139 
 
 You have burnt my children's homes ; driven off their flocks, 
 laid waste their lands and destroyed their wells ; but with parched 
 throats and blistered tongues they curse you." 
 
 "Dear me!" was all the Buccaneer could say. Egypt con- 
 tinued : " You have set my children at each other's throats, and 
 yet you dare stand before me." The Buccaneer turned to go 
 away and Dogvane prepared to follow and showed considerable 
 alacrity in getting to the boat. The parting words of Egypt fell 
 upon the ears of the old Sea King and dwelt long in his memory; 
 being very unwelcome guests there ; making their voices heard 
 when all else was wrapped in slumber. " Hence thou blighting 
 plague ! " she cried, or rather hissed. " Begone thou hypocrite ! 
 thou Christian masquerader ! for in thy footsteps follow poverty, 
 ruin, and misery. May the curses of the widow and the fatherless 
 attend thee ! " 
 
 " Tut, tut ! " ejaculated Dogvane, " how the hussy raves ! " 
 
 " God bless me ! " exclaimed the Buccaneer, when they were 
 well away. " What say you to that, Master Dogvane ? " 
 
 " As a curse, sir, it is undoubtedly good, and as a specimen of 
 female anger it is by no means bad. The baggage ! Here is 
 ingratitude for you. But I told you how it would be, sir. I had 
 a kind of a presentiment that the other watch had been at their 
 handiwork even here." 
 
 " If you, Master Dogvane, were as ready to keep out of difficul- 
 ties as you are to saddle them upon other people's backs it would 
 be the better for you." 
 
 " It is enough to make a saint swear," replied the captain. " I 
 feel inclined to register a vow to heaven never again to do a good 
 turn to a living soul. What language the vixen used ! " 
 
 " She called me a hypocrite ! a Christian masquerader ! I, who 
 pride myself upon my righteousness. I, who have held my head 
 so high, to be called a Christian masquerader ! " 
 
 " Sir," said Dogvane with extreme respect, " if one so humble, 
 may dare offer an opinion, I should say that pride is not a Chris- 
 tian virtue, and sooner or later it must have its fall." 
 
 " Yes, fellow j but I do not want the fall to come from thy 
 
140 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 hands. Is this what you call being respected abroad ? Is this 
 your pinnacle of greatness ? " 
 
 " I am not to blame, my master. It is the other watch. Whal 
 though the Egyptian gipsy raves ; what though our cousin Ger- 
 many and fickle France be cold, and Austria and Turkey aggrieved 
 by some idle words, say if you like, of mine, you have with you, 
 my master, the whole Calf of Man." 
 
 " Out upon thee for a blatant windbag ! " cried the Buccaneer 
 now out of all patience with Dogvane. " Out of my sight," he 
 exclaimed, "keep clear of me, or, by Heaven, you will have witr 
 you the whole toe of my broad boot." They took to their boat 
 and the Buccaneer ordered his men to bend their backs to theii 
 oars. Dogvane, who knew his master too well to trifle with him 
 in his present mood, doubled himself up in the bows, and taking 
 out of his pocket his Bible, he was soon lost in the Mosaic 
 Cosmogony. 
 
CHAPTER XXVIII. 
 
 PHE captain of the watch thought it would never do for his 
 naster to arrive home in his present frame of mind, for if he did, 
 ;here would be, as sailors say, " The devil to pay, and no pitch 
 lot." The other watch, too, would be sure to take advan- 
 age of the cloudy state of the weather to stir up strife and dis- 
 :ord, and no stone ought to be left unturned to prevent this ; 
 so old Dogvane thought. He fully believed with that clever, 
 'unny little fellow, the cook, that the other watch were a greedy 
 ot of office grabbers. Their hunger, perhaps, might be in a 
 neasure accounted for by the small amount of food they received 
 )f that particular kind. 
 
 The bold Buccaneer paced the deck in moody silence, and ever 
 ind anon turned a look back to the land of ruin he had left be- 
 lind him. The words of the gipsy were still ringing in his ears. 
 31d Dogvane was at the wheel, and he anxiousiy watched the old 
 over's face. The Buccaneer when in anger was not unlike a 
 hunder storm. He made almost as much noise, he was quite as 
 lestructive, and nearly as uncontrollable ; but if left alone he 
 n time worked himself out, and after the storm, came the pro- 
 r erbial calm. 
 
 The canny old captain having waited a while, watched his op- 
 >ortunity, and he made bold to speak, couching his language in 
 he most respectful terms ; but first of all to attract attention he 
 nuttered something to himself. 
 
 "What is that thou sayest?" asked the Buccaneer, stopping 
 hort in his walk, 
 
 " Nothing sir, nothing," was Dogvane's reply ; " I was merely 
 hinking as it were, to myself, of the land we have just left behind 
 is, and I was saying to myself, sir, only to myself, that needs must 
 
142 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 when the devil drives." It would be difficult to know to what the 
 captain's words had reference. In all probability he did not know 
 himself, but an old saying is generally a safe one, for it may mean 
 much or little, or even nothing at all. 
 
 " In what way are you heading now, Master Dogvane ? " asked 
 the Buccaneer. 
 
 This gave the old captain the opportunity he had been looking 
 for. 
 
 " You see, sir," he replied, " it is all very well for this Egyptian 
 hag to curse ; but I was driven by necessity to do what I did, and 
 indirectly, if not directly, the other watch are responsible for the 
 blood that has been shed." 
 
 " Still on the old tack, Master Dogvane ; still on the old tack ? 
 Will you be for ever putting the saddle upon other backs but 
 your own ? " 
 
 " Heaven forbid that I should accuse any body of men wrong- 
 fully ; but the other watch have, or seem to have an especial 
 aptitude for getting into scrapes. They are a quarrelsome lot and 
 their captain has a proud stomach. But look you, master, at this 
 Egyptian baggage. See what a disorderly house she kept ; I will 
 not say disreputable, for God forbid that I should take away any 
 woman's character. But her house was such a disgrace to all 
 concerned, that we had to interfere. The Arab is a brave man ; 
 but he is a heathen, and full of atrocity ; a follower of an im- 
 postor, what then if we slew a few of them ; if by doing so we 
 saved, as the saying is, our own bacon ? For the same reason we, 
 as I have already said, put your beloved son into a pit, and no 
 doubt, he would have been saved even as Joseph was, only a little 
 thing prevented it, he was slain in the meantime. Had it not 
 been for this little accident, I have every reason to believe that he 
 would have risen far higher than ever Joseph did in the Egyptian 
 household." The Buccaneer was now sitting upon the after-sky- 
 light, and became an attentive listener to the captain, who con- 
 tinued : 
 
 " Even as Joshua discomfited Amalek and his people with the 
 edge of the sword, so have we the black population of the 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 143 
 
 Soudan. The heathen furiously raged, and we smote them hip 
 and thigh. The cross has again triumphed over the crescent." 
 
 This allusion to the Buccaneer's religion was a happy one, but 
 who knew the master better than Dogvane ? Was Dogvane then 
 a humbug ? Good people all, upon this subject there will be a 
 diversity of opinion, for his enemies accused him of many worse 
 things than being a humbug, while his friends and admirers were 
 ready to canonize him as a saint. The true course, perhaps, 
 lay in the middle of the stream. Dogvane continued, " Have you 
 so little love for your religion, sir, that the slaughtering of a few 
 thousands of infidels causes you remorse, and sorrow ? Why in 
 olden days you slew thousands of Christians without the smallest 
 compunction ; why then cry over the spilling of a little infidel 
 blood ? Time was, sir, when you would have regarded the affair 
 otherwise. For every one of your sons killed, I dare swear a 
 thousand Arabs have fallen, leaving the balance largely in favour 
 of Christianity, and so clearing the ground ready for a purer 
 faith. The weeds have been torn up by the roots, so that flowers 
 may be sown. What though we did kill a few thousands of 
 people, did not Pekah, king of Israel, slay in Judea, one hun- 
 dred and twenty thousand persons in one day ? Would any one 
 say Pekah did wrong ? " The Buccaneer was mollified. It no 
 doubt flattered his vanity being compared to the ancient king of 
 Israel. 
 
 " But she called me a hypocrite ; a Christian masquerader, 
 Dogvane," he said. 
 
 " Who, sir, would ever think of paying the slightest attention 
 to what an angry woman says ? Why ten to one if we were to 
 return there now, you would find there had been a heavy fall of 
 rain and all was sunshine again, and if you taxed her with her 
 words, she would swear she had never used them." 
 
 " I would even now retrace my way to yonder land, that is just 
 sinking below the horizon, if I thought it would be as you 
 say." 
 
 " Counting upon the extreme uncertainty of a woman's mind, I 
 have no doubt it would be so, and if my master wishes it, about 
 
144 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 we go. But stay, second thoughts they say are best. This 
 Mediterranean is a treacherous sea. Storms often rising beneath 
 the serenest sky. Besides, it would ill become one in my master's 
 position of high respectability to dally away his time as Mark 
 Antony did in this self-same land. A woman, sir, is far more dan- 
 gerous in her softer moods than in her anger. It is under the 
 mellowing influence of a smile that the hardest men fall. We had 
 better keep our head pointed homewards. Then, sir, we can re- 
 trace our steps at our own convenience, and receive from the 
 Egyptian gipsy's cooler mind the thanks we deserve. These 
 Easterns are a prolific race, and multiply as fast as flies. To lop 
 off the surplus population with the sword is a benefit. A tree is 
 all the better for the occasional application of the knife." 
 
 Thus did Dogvane clear away the anger from his master's mind. 
 He played upon all his weaknesses, and he approached him 
 above all on the side of his religion, and, as will appear hereafter, 
 on the side also of his trade which touched him more nearly even 
 than his religion. Perhaps one side of religion is not, nor has it 
 been in the past, fully appreciated. It has always proved an in- 
 strument to work off the surplus population. Even that gentlest 
 and most peaceful of all, that religion which was breathed out 
 over the world, near two thousand years ago, has often and often, 
 been dragged in to sanction, and sanctify, the bloodiest and, at 
 times, the most unholy of wars. As people will bring forth and 
 multiply, in obedience to Divine command, it is fortunate that 
 pestilence and famine have so abte an ally to keep in check the 
 flood of human nature. 
 
 Dogvane, finding he was master of the situation, said : " I had 
 in Egypt, sir, as I told you, a deep and subtle game, but of 
 that, no matter. If your old servant has displeased you, shift 
 watches, say I, and joy to those who come after us." 
 
 Of course there was no better way to obtain a hearing than to 
 excite the Buccaneer's curiosity and then stop short. The trick 
 succeeded, for Dogvane was at first asked and then entreated, or 
 rather commanded, to disclose his policy Having stowed away 
 his quid in the lining of his hat, and expectorated freely over the 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 145 
 
 ship's side, as every honest sailor should, before commencing a 
 lengthy yarn, the captain thus began. It has been mentioned 
 that at a yarn he could not be beaten. 
 
 " Day and night, sir," he said, " my thoughts dwell upon your 
 affairs, and we often sit up late on board the old Ship of State 
 discussing them. Often, and often has broad-faced day looked in 
 upon our counsels." 
 
 " I am sorry to hear, Master Dogvane, that the Ojabberaways 
 indulge at times in rebellion, and even indecent conduct on board 
 the old ship. If they are not very careful I shall punish them. I 
 shall stop their grog; but proceed." 
 
 " The Ojabberaways do at times, sir, make use of unseemly 
 language ; but it is their bringings up. I cannot deny between 
 ourselves that our trade has been falling off. Our neighbours 
 have learnt very much ; they have in a measure overtaken us, and 
 unless we are careful, sir, they will beat us on our own ground." 
 
 " But when the other watch said this, Master Dogvane, you 
 stoutly denied it." 
 
 " That was done, sir, as a matter of principle. Of course we 
 could not conscientiously admit anything to be right that the 
 other watch said. But there are other grounds, sir, for silence ; 
 for to use a homely proverb, it is never wise to cry stinking fish. 
 That holds good all the world over. In the management of one's 
 private affairs silence is golden. Our trade is undoubtedly de- 
 pressed. Boots, shoes and woollen stuffs may be up, as our 
 doughty carpenter said, but other things are sadly down. It can- 
 not be denied, for instance, that the demand for heathen gods has 
 sadly fallen off in recent years." 
 
 " Have the labours then of my missionaries been crowned with 
 such success ? Are infidels turning from the errors of their ways, 
 Master Dogvane ? " 
 
 "Heaven only knows, sir ! the fac tremains the same; whether 
 it is that the endeavours of your missionaries have been blessed ; 
 or whether it is that the gods made at your great idol manufactory 
 of Brummagem are not up to the usual standard of perfection I 
 know not ; but there it is, heathen gods are a drug in the market/' 
 
 K 
 
146 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 " Dogvane, this is a most weighty matter, and it must be looked 
 to. Idolatry is a dreadful thing ; most degraded and very much 
 to be condemned ; but it is better than nothing, and until the 
 heathen become converted it would not be well, nay it would be 
 cruel to take from them whatever little comfort they may find 
 in their brazen images. To counteract any evil influence that may 
 arise from the worship of these things, Dogvane, order my State 
 Church to purify the idols before they leave our shores. Give in- 
 structions, Dogvane, directly we arrive home, to our High Priest 
 to this effect. Command him to have solemn prayers and 
 fastings, so that they may, all of them, be the better able to wrestle 
 with the devil. It would be as well also, Dogvane, to bid the 
 rich amongst them to share what they have with their poorer 
 brethren, who will be the better able to pray when their minds are 
 not distracted by the emptiness of their stomachs, for we hear 
 there are poor amongst them. Let all my divines of every de- 
 nomination humble themselves before their God. Why that 
 troubled look, Master Dogvane?" 
 
 " This is a delicate matter, sir. I have noticed the ecclesiastical 
 temper does not brook much interference. It does not appear 
 to me that they care very much about humbling themselves. Had 
 that young rascal, Random Jack, belonged to our watch this 
 would have been again a favourable opportunity for him to show 
 his zeal and courage." 
 
 " Dogvane, I notice a disposition in you at times to shirk your 
 duty," the Buccaneer said. 
 
 " Master, not another word. I will brave the displeasure of all 
 your many religious denominations rather than you should har- 
 bour such a thought about old Bill Dogvane." 
 
 " Bid, then, my priest pray over these idols, sprinkling them 
 well with holy water. Who knows, Dogvane, but that some good 
 may thus be done ? These brazen images being blessed by our 
 pious divines may carry into the midst of the heathen some subtle 
 influence, and by some mysterious agency they may be converted 
 even at the very time they are praying to their false gods. 
 Dogvane, it is worth the trial, and at any cost we must prevent 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 147 
 
 the trade from falling into the hands of our unscrupulous and un- 
 conscientious neighbours." The Buccaneer was silent for a few 
 moments, then he said : " Dogvane, I am fully convinced that 
 even in this world sin brings its own punishment ; and this falling 
 off in our trade in idols may be due entirely to a falling off in the 
 article. Have you received any information of a confidential 
 nature that either France or Germany or our cousin Jonathan 
 have gone in for this industry ? " 
 
 " No, sir, I have no official communication on the subject ; 
 though Jonathan has that turn for business that he would manu- 
 facture anything from a tin pin to a brazen image ; while, if it 
 would only pay, he would turn out devils by the thousand." 
 
 " You may depend upon it, Dogvane, that this depression in 
 our trade is owing either to the inferiority or costliness of the 
 article. Here lies the keystone of our mercantile failures." 
 
 " Then, sir, there are other things. Our cotton stuffs hang 
 heavy upon our hands. In fact, we want fresh fields for all our 
 industries." 
 
 " Ah ! say you so ; where, Master Dogvane, is your remedy for 
 this evil ? " 
 
 " Sir, the eye of your faithful servant has rested upon the 
 naked population of the Soudan. To clothe this people in our 
 fabrics would take many millions of yards of your cotton stuffs." 
 
 tk The idea, Dogvane, is certainly a good one, and it pleases 
 me. Let us hasten to put it to the trial lest our neighbours be 
 beforehand with us. Say not a word, Dogvane, of this when we 
 get home, for if the idea gets wind some of our many cheap-Jacks 
 will take possession of it and turn it to account ; for, as you say, 
 that fellow Jonathan has a keen eye for business, and if he could 
 he would try to get to windward of his own father. The selfish- 
 ness of our friends, Dogvane, is always to me a fruitful source of 
 regret. But let us not forget that our primary object is not the 
 selling of our goods at a remunerative price no, Heaven forbid ! 
 it is the converting of the heathen. The base motive of gain 
 would not make me stir hand or foot in this matter ; but to bring 
 these poor benighted savages into our fold, Dogvane, is a worthy 
 
148 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 ambition. To make them Christians like ourselves, good Dog- 
 vane, would be a glorious thing. This, I say, must be our very 
 first consideration. Into our cotton stuffs let there be worked 
 some moral precept ; or better still, some prayer. A waistcloth, 
 Dogvane, if used fore and aft would be a suitable table for the 
 Ten Commandments, which would thus be conveniently placed 
 before the eyes of all. In time the seed thus sown on the outside 
 of the black soil may take root inwardly and bring forth much 
 good fruit. By degrees the whole population may become con- 
 verted, and putting away the habit of barbarism may put on the garb 
 of civilisation, thus opening out for us a wide field whereto to 
 send our industries. Our ales will moisten their parched lips, 
 increase their stamina, and strengthen their inward man. Our 
 spirits, too, will supplant the vile concoctions they at present drink. 
 Being thus strengthened in body and soul, their intellect likewise 
 will become stronger. Their eyes will be opened, and a new and 
 more beautiful world will dawn upon them. It is a grand idea, 
 Dogvane, and well worthy of you. Commence at once. By 
 converting this people we shall reap the reward of millions of 
 fresh consumers. Stop slaughtering, Dogvane ; stop at once. It 
 is inhuman, it is cruel ; besides they are only fighting for their 
 hearth and home, and what people so base as not to shed their 
 blood in so good a cause ? Stay, then, our hand, for by cutting 
 their throats, Master Dogvane, you are contracting the field for 
 our home industries. There is undoubtedly a bright future in 
 front of us, and you, Dogvane, have done much to re establish 
 yourself in my good opinion." 
 
 The Buccaneer was quite elated. His step became buoyant 
 again. The dark cloud that had rested upon his brow passed 
 away. "Soon," he said, "we shall again hear the merry rattle of 
 our looms. Our stills will have fresh life thrown into them. The 
 heavy scent of the hop shall weight our atmosphere ; and rest like 
 a grateful fragrance over our island home. Our friend and help- 
 mate, old John Barleycorn, shall lift again his cheery head, and in 
 his train will come, dancing merrily, his hand-maidens, Colombia 
 root, camomile, quassia and cheretta." 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 14$ 
 
 The Buccaneer was in such excellent spirits that he began 
 singing an old drinking song of his, to the merits of John Barley- 
 corn, and he made Dogvane join in the chorus. Thus they 
 merrily passed the time, until the look-out man aloft cried out : 
 " Land ho ! " and soon the bold coast of the Buccaneer's strong- 
 hold loomed out in the distance. 
 
CHAPTER XXIX. 
 
 IT is necessary now to shift our scene and to retrace our steps. 
 
 Opposite the old Ship of State there stood on the land, a little 
 back from the river, an ancient and old-fashioned public-house. 
 It had a picturesque appearance, with its quaint gable ends and 
 mullioned windows. Its different styles of architecture and its 
 patched walls led you step by step from the present to the remote 
 past, for it was an antique hostelry. It was two storied and had 
 two large chambers, and if the walls of these could speak, they 
 could many a tale unfold. What scenes too they had seen and 
 what noble personages. The old clock that stood sentinel there 
 had ticked many a brave man to his grave. In that old public- 
 house the greatness of the old Sea King had been built up, and 
 the spirit of many a brave lad still haunted the place. A large 
 sign-board swung heavily on a beam, projecting from the wall in 
 front, just above the door. The name of the public-house was 
 written in large letters. It was called the CONSTITUTION ; under 
 this there was a scroll, on which was written the Buccaneer's 
 motto, "DiEU ET MON DROiT," and the whole was surmounted by 
 a crown. This was the favourite resort of both watches, and, in 
 fact, of the whole crew of the Ship of State, Upper Chamber and 
 all. No more respectable, or better conducted house could be 
 found the whole world over. Many thought the Beggar Woman 
 ought to have been the landlady of this ancient establishment, 
 but she was not. 
 
 Though well on in the night the Port W 7 atch were still sitting 
 in the snug parlour of the Constitution, sipping their grog, smok- 
 ing their pipes and yarning over things in general ; at the head of 
 the table was the captain, Bob Mainstay, and by his side his first 
 lieutenant, honest B:n Backstay. Many of the other officers were 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 151 
 
 also there, and they were trying to keep their spirits up by pour- 
 ing spirits down, but they could not do it. Things looked gloomy, 
 and they seemed to see no break in the clouds ahead. But it is 
 said that the longest lane has its turning, and to those that wait all 
 things come. Of one thing they all felt assured, if Bill Dogvane 
 was allowed to keep the helm of the Ship of State much longer 
 the Buccaneer would find things at pretty sixes and sevens. But 
 how was the helm to be taken out of his hands ? That was the 
 question. 
 
 Their meditations were interrupted by a gentle knock at the 
 door, and on permission being given to come in, the door was gently 
 opened, as if the intruder was not certain of the reception. It 
 was the Beggar Woman. " Kind gentlemen," she said, " will you 
 assist a poor woman ? With weary steps I have begged from 
 door to door, but no one will assist me or let me in. A crust of 
 bread, good gentlemen, for the love you bear your country, for I 
 am cold and starved with hunger." 
 
 " Come in," cried a dozen voices at once. " It is a shame," 
 one added, " that you should be thus neglected; but what can we 
 do, my lass ? So long as the Starboard Watch is aboard the old 
 ship there, things will be as they are." 
 
 " Let us have a shift of watches, and then you will see what 
 you will see," said another. 
 
 " Cannot you help us, madam," asked the captain, " to oust 
 old Dogvane and his lot? He made up to you, courted you, 
 chucked you under the chin, and then the rascal jilted you. 
 The Port Watch would not have served you so scurvily, you may 
 swear." 
 
 " Good gentlemen," replied Patriotism, "the people on shore 
 all turn a deaf ear to my entreaties, or say, anon, anon ; good 
 woman, and then hasten away about other business, or to pay 
 their addresses to my rival, Party." 
 
 The Port Watch now took the Beggar Woman in tow, for they 
 hoped that she would help them. They all set to discussing the 
 state of affairs, and turned over in their minds different plans of 
 action. What they wanted was a good watchword and a safe cry. 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 When they had been for some time talking over the matter with- 
 out any satisfactory results; for they had passed in review all 
 their old tactics without deriving very much satisfaction, because, 
 as they all said, they had failed before to dish Dogvane with them, 
 and in all probability they would fail again. 
 
 Just as things seemed to look at their worst, the door burst 
 open, and in rushed Random Jack. He was breathless, dripping 
 wet, and his teeth were chattering with cold. 
 
 " Hallo ! " cried the captain. " What ducking pool have you 
 fallen foul of, my little lad ? " 
 
 " Mates ! " cried Random Jack as he sank down on one of the 
 seats, first of all having carefully removed the crimson cushion for 
 fear of wetting it. " Give me a tot of grog, and make it hot and 
 strong, for I am drenched to the skin, and the very marrow in my 
 bones is frozen. Pretty things I have to tell." 
 
 The landlady of the old Constitution public-house was quite 
 distressed to see the poor little middy in such a sorry plight. She 
 was a buxom motherly woman, and nothing would do but she 
 must get him a shift of things, or, as she said, the boy would 
 catch his death of cold. Having brought him a suit of clothes 
 which Billy Cheeks, the burly butcher, had left behind, Random 
 Jack got into them, and though, as he said, they were miles too 
 large, they were better than nothing. He tied the trousers round 
 his neck, thrust his arms through the pockets, and thus saved the 
 necessity of a waistcoat. 
 
 " Well, my little man," said the captain. " What is in the wind 
 now ? " 
 
 Random Jack took a deep draught, and then said : " That is 
 good, and warms the cockles of my heart. Mother," he cried, 
 turning to the landlady, " fill me another glass. Now, my mates, 
 the likes of what I have to tell, you've never heard before. It 
 will make your very hair stand on end, that is, of course, those 
 who have any, and for those who haven't, no matter. Better to 
 follow my example and fortify yourselves with good stiff glasses, 
 three fingers deep, if you take my advice, and little water. No 
 doubt, my mates, you have all read of mutin : es, conspiracies, and 
 
Life of a Celebrated Hnccanetr. 153 
 
 such like ; I have one to tell you about, that will surprise 
 you." 
 
 " My goodness ! " cried the landlady, as she busied about h< i 
 orders. " Just hear how the little man talks ! " 
 
 " Your news, my lad ! your news ! " came from many, as they 
 one and all eagerly crowded round the little middy. 
 
 " Lend all of you, your ears, my mates. Knowing that the 
 governor was from home and that the cunning old fox was with 
 him, 1 thought I would just stow myself away on board the old 
 ship there, just to see how they passed the watches of the night. 
 Just to see, mates, if I could catch any of the weasels sleeping. 
 Some of them are wide enough awake, I can tell you." Here he 
 winked at the company. 
 
 " Throw it off, my lad ! " cried the captain. "Don't go beating 
 about the bush, but come to the point at once. So you were a 
 stowaway." They contemplated the little middy with wonder, for 
 most of them had never seen a stowaway before. 
 
 Random Jack, being thus exhorted and encouraged to make a 
 clean breast of it, disclosed the whole of the diabolical conspiracy 
 of the cook's caboose, and how it was that he had so frightened 
 Billy Cheeks, the butcher. This part of the proceedings caused 
 no little merriment. Bob Mainstay, having listened to the story 
 from beginning to end, exclaimed, as he slapped his leg: "Mates, 
 I see land ahead. It strikes me we have old Bill on the hip at 
 last. Madam ! " he said, turning to the Beggar Woman, who 
 had remained a silent listener to the midshipman's story. "Madam, 
 with your help I think we shall be able to dish old Dogvane. 
 What with the Church Hulk in danger and old Squire Broadacre 
 on the war path, and general discontent all round, the devil must 
 be in it if we cannot clear the ship of its present vermin." The 
 Beggar Woman promised to do her best, for her sympathies were 
 for the most part with the Port Watch ; perhaps, because on the 
 whole, they treated her best. She was given an order to get a 
 spic and span new outfit of silks and satins, and she received invi- 
 tations to many feasts, but frequent adversity made her bear this 
 turn of fortune with becoming modesty. 
 
1 54 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 The Port Watch were now in high spirits and began talking of 
 what they would do when they took charge of the ship. The 
 little middy was highly complimented ; and the captain promised 
 to reward his courage and virtue with a good billet. He was 
 pretty well sure now of promotion. 
 
 "Who laughs now?" cried Random Jack. "I owe one to 
 Master Dogvane and to Billy Cheeks. The cook, he is a Jack- 
 pudding, and I will baste him well with his own dripping." 
 These were bold words ; but the cook did not hear them. 
 
 " Now, my lads ! " exclaimed the captain, " we must work with 
 a will. Would that our master had returned ; but we must make 
 things ready for him when he does. Away some of you on board 
 the old Church Hulk. Wake her crew up, and let your cry be 
 Church in danger. Others of you hasten to the Squire and tell 
 him there are robbers about." 
 
 " A toast before we part," cried Random Jack. 
 
 " Here is general damnation to old Bill Dogvane, and all his 
 crew ! " All laughed, and the toast was drunk with enthusiasm, 
 and they were all just about to separate when some one fired a 
 shell amidst them by saying, " How about the Ojabberaways ? " 
 
 "To make any compact with them," said the captain, " would 
 be an unholy thing." 
 
 "Any port in a storm," cried Random Jack, who was now, 
 what with the grog and the flattery he had received, in high 
 feather. "They have their price; are they worth it? If we 
 don't buy them old Dogvane will. There's the rub." 
 
 Here the noise outside of two women wrangling claimed their 
 attention, and one and all ran out to see what was the matter. 
 They found Liberty and the Beggar Woman in angry altercation 
 about a lout of a boy. Indeed, boy he could scarcely be 
 called, for he was approaching nearer to manhood. It was 
 Demos. " Indeed, madam ! " cried Liberty with a sneer, " it 
 does not appear from your dress that you are held in very great 
 estimation amongst my master's people." Patriotism had not yet 
 received her new clothing. Then Liberty continued in the same 
 tone : " You are somewhat old-fashioned methinks ! What would 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 155 
 
 you have me do with my boy ? Would you have me clap a gag 
 in his mouth, or muzzle him as if he were a dog in the dog-days ? " 
 
 " You need not pamper and pet him," exclaimed the Beggar 
 Woman, "until he becomes a perfect nuisance to every one. 
 Why don't you teach him to work for an honest living ? " 
 
 "Because the boy is not strong; besides, he does not like 
 work, do you, dear ? " 
 
 " Why should I work," cried Demos, " when others play ? 
 Others live and fatten in idleness, why not I ? " 
 
 " Bread that is buttered too thickly is not wholesome food," 
 was the Beggar Woman's reply. 
 
 " The boy is a clever boy," exclaimed Madam Liberty. " He 
 is wonderfully good at speaking ; and he is good at figures ; and 
 he shall not be kept back ; shall you, dear ? " 
 
 " Mind he does not turn and bite the hand that has fed and 
 petted him,'' replied the Beggar Woman, and the two parted. 
 
 The old coxswain, as he watched the retreating steps of 
 Liberty and her boy, said: "There you go with that spoilt 
 brat of yours. A wilful woman never yet wanted for woe, and to 
 spoil a child is to put a rod in pickle for your own back." 
 
 A quaint sound was now heard, like the wailing of a pig in 
 pain. Some thought it must be the cook playing a tune in the 
 early morning upon his barrel organ ; but the sound did not 
 come from the direction of the old ship. It turned out to be the 
 national music of the Ojabberaways, and presently a voice by no 
 means untuneful, sang, " Come back to Erin, Mavourneen, 
 Mavourneen." 
 
 The Ojabberaways were serenading both Liberty and Patrio- 
 tism, while in the back ground was the cheap-Jack Jonathan, 
 who provided the dollars for the serenade, also for other enter- 
 tainments which the Ojabberaways got up to please themselves 
 and annoy the old Buccaneer. 
 
 Opinions varied very much as to whether the Port Watch did, 
 or did not, make a treaty with these people. Such a thing could 
 scarcely be conceivable ; but for party purposes either watch, it 
 was said, would sell themselves to the devil. Some went so far 
 
156 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 as to say that Random Jack had had something to do with it ; 
 but then, when anyone comes out of obscurity, there is scarcely a 
 thing that he is not supposed to be capable of doing ; and a place 
 is found for his finger in every pie. Happy is the man who never 
 leaves the smooth, broad, and well-beaten path of mediocrity ! He 
 will escape many evils, and even slander will pass him by for the 
 most part with contempt ; for her sport is with bigger game. {< This 
 only grant me, that my means may lie too low for envy, for con- 
 tempt too high." So sang a poet long years ago. 
 
 It was generally believed that old Bill Dogvane had a secret 
 understanding with these Ojabberaways. There can be no doubt 
 that he smiled upon the boy Demos, who was showing signs of 
 giving trouble. He was becoming intoxicated with the very 
 worst of all things, namely, his own self-conceit, and the old 
 hands shook their wise heads, and said that if the Buccaneer was 
 not very careful this boy would break out and disturb the peace. 
 This child of Madam Liberty was a difficulty ; and how to treat 
 him became a matter of the gravest consideration. Be kind to 
 him and he would mistake it for weakness, and take advantage of 
 it at once. Kick him, beat him, or try to drive him, and he be- 
 came as stubborn as an ass. All agreed that he required a very 
 strong hand, and yet not too rough a one. The conspirators of 
 the cook's caboose were one and all on the boy's side ; and the 
 cook himself acted the part of an indulgent foster father to him. 
 Buttering the boy's bread as thick as he possibly could, and giving 
 him constantly cakes and other sweetmeats ; some said this was 
 done out of pure contrariness, because Pepper could not be 
 happy if he were as others ; but while the cook told the boy that 
 he was being kept out of his just dues by an idle lot of rich 
 drones, and hinting to him that it would be no great crime to put 
 his hand into the pockets of these people, he said not a word about 
 sharing his own worldly goods with the boy ; and the cook had 
 laid up for himself riches upon earth, but he was a wise man, and 
 took good care that no thief should break into his house and steal. 
 
CHAPTER XXX. 
 
 THE Port Watch mingled about amongst the peopleand told them of 
 all the wonderful things that had happened, and of the many more 
 wonderful things that would be sure to happen if they did not at 
 once combine together and get their master, the old Sea King, to 
 change the watches. Of course the doings of the Port Watch 
 could not be concealed from the Starboard Watch, who went 
 about contradicting, and swearing there was not a word of truth in 
 the whole thing. 
 
 The cook took under his especial care the Buccaneer's Upper 
 Chamber, and it is tolerably certain that happiness would not 
 come to Pepper on his death-bed, unless that lumber room with 
 all its antiquated furniture was cleared out of the old ship, and 
 replaced by some assemblage of men as clever as what the cook 
 was himself ; but to get the modest number of only twelve such 
 men, in a whole kingdom, would be almost impossible, and this is 
 providential. 
 
 The butcher was not idle. He did not speak much ; but 
 when he did, it was to the purpose, and no one could say more cut- 
 ting things than could Billy Cheeks. He also thought a good deal; 
 he was driven to this extremity because most people, and most 
 things, were beneath his notice. The carpenter took under his 
 care the family of Hodge ; the members of which were generally 
 accredited with a full share of stupidity and ignorance ; but it is 
 wonderful how the aspect of things changes when you want to get 
 anything out of people. Then we find virtues that were never 
 seen before, and that the individuals themselves never even dreamt 
 of. Then in the distance was the large family of Sikes. No one 
 as yet had found much virtue in them ; but they were ready for 
 anything that might turn up, outside of it. 
 
158 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 " Honest Hodge," cried the carpenter from the top of a barrel, 
 "for generations you have been oppressed." 
 
 " 'Ave I now ? " exclaimed Hodge, scratching his honest head. 
 " I thought summut was wrong." 
 
 The boy Demos who had been playing pitch and toss with the 
 cook, left the game to attend to what looked to him more like 
 business. 
 
 "For generations," cried the carpenter, "you have been ignored 
 and defrauded by one whose rights are arbitrary, and almost 
 absolute, for they extend from the heavens above, to the earth 
 beneath, and to the waters under the earth." Demos became a 
 most attentive listener and he liked the tack the carpenter was on. 
 
 Chips continued, " The minerals are his. The timber is his, 
 and so are the birds of the air, and the fish that swim in the 
 streams, and I suppose that the greater part of all that the in- 
 dustry and toil of man has added to the original value of that 
 property, is now practically subject to the land owner's sole con- 
 sideration and good. Now I want to see you, honest Hodge, 
 replaced upon the old squire's land, at a fair compensation, of 
 course." 
 
 Upon hearing this Demos winked at Hodge, but the latter 
 being very slow of intellect, and moreover honest, did not take the 
 wink in. 
 
 " But," said Hodge, " if the squire won't part, maister ; what 
 be we to do then ? " 
 
 " If the squire will not do his duty," replied the carpenter, " he 
 must be made to." 
 
 " And what be we to get out of it ? " Hodge asked. 
 
 " The least you can expect, will be three acres and a cow," was 
 the carpenter's reply ; or the reply of a friend of his. 
 
 Here one of the Sike's family pushed his way to the front, and 
 addressing himself to the carpenter, said, " Master, what are we 
 to get out of this crib you're agoing to crack ? " 
 
 The question being an extremely awkward one to answer, the 
 carpenter pretended not to hear it. This is always a safe way out 
 of such a difficulty if the questioner be not persevering. 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. \ 59 
 
 The Port Watch struck a more popular, and at the same time, 
 a more honest chord. " Look ! " they cried, " at our market 
 places ! They are full of the cheap produce of our neighbours, 
 who do a thriving business while our own people are starving. 
 They bring their goods here without let or hindrance ; but they 
 shut their own doors against us, or make us pay toll. Look at the 
 river there ! that used to be crowded with our own craft. Now 
 you see the flag of every nation floating upon its bosom, while our 
 own ships are rotting for the want of something to do. Foreign 
 competition is ousting you from your markets as the marten ousts 
 the squirrel from her nest. If you want a coat, or a pair of 
 trousers made, in comes your foreign tailor who will sew and 
 stitch for sixteen hours a day for what is barely sufficient to keep 
 body and soul together. If you, my lads, come down, he will com^ 
 down lower." 
 
 At this speech loud cries of indignation rose up from a multi- 
 tude of listeners, and the spokesman of a crowd of sailors, jump- 
 ing up on a tar barrel, exclaimed, " Damme, my mates ! (It is a 
 bad habit, but sailors will swear.) The gentlemen of the Port 
 Watch says true. We are being weathered by these lubberly 
 furriners, who visit our shores in shoals like mackerel ; and thus 
 take all the wind out of our sails. Damme, mates ! they are that 
 mean that a well worn quid won't escape them, can we work 
 against such varmint as these ? " 
 
 " No ! " came from a thousand hoarse throats. 
 
 "Is it right, my hearties," continued the speaker, "that the old 
 man should treat us like this ? " 
 
 " It ain't right," came from all sides. 
 
 " Where would our master be now without us ? " cried the 
 sailor, '' where will he be if he allows these furrin chaps to put us 
 down below hatches? Who then will he have to trim and shorten 
 his sails when the stormy winds do blow ? Will these fellows 
 club-haul him off a lee-shore in the teeth of a gale of difficulties ; 
 or fight for him his battles ? Not they, I'll swear." 
 
 The old sailor's yarn met with very great approval, and as is the 
 custom with all sailors they freely damned their own eyes, and 
 
i6o Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 hitched up their trousers and swore that things were not as they 
 ought to be ; but the cheap-Jacks still went about amongst them 
 and sold their goods, and people bought. Up too spoke many 
 others, and there was scarcely a man to be found, or woman either, 
 that was contented. 
 
 There was a movement amongst the crowd and the old cox'sn 
 came forward, and getting up on the place vacated by the sailoj-, 
 cried out : " Heave to, my hearties, whilst you hear to a brother 
 sailor spin you a yarn." There was a feeling now pretty prevalent 
 that they were in for a good thing. " No doubt," he said, " many 
 of you here know me by name." 
 
 " Aye, aye, Jack, we know you," came from many ; " you are 
 as long-winded as a sky pilot, or as old Bill Dogvane, and any one 
 knows he has wind enough to fill the sails of a line o' battle- 
 ship." 
 
 The old cox'sn, nothing daunted, continued : " Belay talking, 
 my lads. No doubt many of you know me by name, but many 
 of you have no other acquaintance with me, more is the pity say 
 I. Long-winded I may be; but I don't go about emptying 
 myself like a wind-bag ; but let that fly stick to the wall. Many 
 a voyage I have taken with my old master, and when on the 
 Spanish main together, looking out for the Don, we learnt a thing 
 or two. The Spaniards say, my lads, that it is always a good, and 
 safe thing, to search well yourself when anything goes wrong with 
 you, and that is what old Jack Commonsense tells you now. You 
 want our master to do this, and to do that, to protect this trade 
 and that ; but damme, shipmates, legislation never yet stopped a 
 leak in a cask, nor made a stale egg into a fresh one. My mates ! 
 you are all of you heading in the wrong direction. There are 
 breakers ahead, so put your helm down and go about as soon as 
 you can. Don't you listen to those wiseacres who are going to 
 put everybody and everything right. The cook, he is a clever lad, 
 and can spin a cheerful yarn, but let him stick to his trade, and 
 the same I say to the carpenter and the butcher. You can never 
 put an injury right by committing a wrong, and if the carpenter or 
 anyone else wants to put his hand into the squire's pocket, he is 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 161 
 
 only inviting a thief into his own house. Let the cook then 
 keep to his galley and cater for the general public. His dishes 
 are spicy, and then when he treats us to a tune in his leisure hours 
 upon his barrel organ, well, so much the better, for there is no 
 harm done." 
 
 The crowd began to show signs of impatience, and old Jack 
 was made painfully aware that he was not a popular orator, for 
 the lovers of freedom hooted him ; but he was not easily put 
 down. " Here, lads ! " he cried, " is where my Spanish proverb 
 comes in. Search well yourselves, and see if any fault lies at 
 home. It is no use anchoring yourselves by your starns, and 
 crying out that trade is going, and that the cheap-Jacks are taking 
 the wind out of your sails. You ain't obliged to buy from them, 
 and who brought them over, pray ? If trade is gone from 
 amongst you ; it is yourselves that you have to blame. In years 
 gone by you combined against your employers ; I don't say you 
 were at all times wrong, but evil counsel sat at your boards, and 
 with your bushel of good came a sackful of bad, you drove your 
 trade out of doors and now you cry out : ' Help us or we starve ! ' 
 If your platter and your pewter pot be empty, you have yourselves 
 to thank. No song, no supper, is a good old saying. If you, my 
 hearties, won't work your fair time for your fair wage, there are 
 others who will. When you combined against capital, messmates, 
 you frightened, if you did not kill, the goose that was laying your 
 golden eggs. She is a timid bird and will only lay where she 
 gets peace and quiet. Having done all this, you are now crying 
 out to be protected, and think that all will be well again if this 
 thing and that thing are only legislated for ; but legislation, my 
 lads, as I've said before, never yet bolstered up either a rotten 
 state or a decaying trade. You may stop for a time the footstep 
 of the one 01 the other, but the fall will surely come again unless 
 you tap the part affected and stop the hole with good, sound, 
 solid material. Look at you servants ! Why, you are always on 
 the move j some of you even are idle and insolent. Do you net 
 see the gaunt form of Poverty in front of you ? Away then will 
 go your airs and graces, your flaunting ribbons and your finery 
 
1 62 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 Beware how you listen to the teaching of Demos. He is a 
 dangerous companion and generally turns and rends those who 
 have housed and fed him. A bridle for the mouth of an ass, and 
 a rod for the back of a spoilt child." 
 
 There was here some good-natured bandying of words, and old 
 Jack was recommended to try the bridle himself, just to see, as 
 they said, how it felt and how it fitted. Jack being a good- 
 tempered fellow, continued his harangue : " My advice, my 
 hearties, to you is this. Turn to and live thrifty lives. Take your 
 hands out of your pockets. Do away with the quart pot and you 
 will increase the amount of stuff upon your platter. If you can- 
 not do away with the pewter altogether and I am no teetotaller 
 myself then reduce its size to at least a half. By a strict regard 
 to economy, and by practising self-denial and by cultivating your 
 understanding in a proper direction, try to turn out a better and 
 a cheaper article than your neighbours and so beat them on their 
 own ground. Do this, my hearties, and you will win back trade 
 and regain your place in the markets of the world." 
 
 The old coxswain had been listened to for some time with a 
 respectful attention ; but the doctrine he preached was not at all 
 in keeping with the general sentiments of the disaffected, who 
 were stirred up and incited to violence by Demos aud his disciples, 
 and very shortly there was a disturbance of a serious nature. It 
 was commenced by Demos, who having gathered a crowd of 
 followers round him, began to speak to them in language 
 peculiarly his own. The consequence of this was that some one 
 from amongst the crowd, aimed a brickbat, with too true an aim, 
 at the Buccaneer's old coxswain, who amidst the delighted yells 
 of the mob was knocked over. The excitement now was intense, 
 for though old Jack was not killed, he was severely bruised, and 
 shaken, and taken very much by surprise. Those who have never 
 heard the angry howl of an infuriated mob of Buccaneers can 
 have no conception of the savageness of its sound. The war 
 whoop of the wildest Indians is soft compared to it, and the roar 
 of hungry wild beasts is less terrifying. Demos with what he 
 called "the people "now rushed to an open space, beautifully 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 163 
 
 situated, but called the Place of Discord, where four grim lions 
 watch night and day, but they never interfere, and nobody minds 
 them. Here Demos harangued the multitude ; told them they 
 were being starved and trodden under foot, by the drones of the 
 island. His language was violent in the extreme. He called 
 upon them to break their chain of slavery and to elect as their 
 ruler King Mob. This was but natural, so up on their shoulders 
 they hoisted the bloody tyrant and cried out : " Havoc and 
 robbery; now shall the gilded thieves disgorge their ill-gotten 
 wealth." Away they made for the rich quarters of the Buccaneer's 
 fair city, intent upon plunder if not murder ; but they were met 
 by the guardians of the peace, behind whom came the old 
 coxswain with a chosen band, cutlass in hand. He called upon 
 his men to rally round him. Now commenced a battle between 
 the two factions. The partisans of King Mob nerved on and 
 excited by the hope of plunder fell upon the champions of law 
 and order. Heads were broken and the combatants fell struggling 
 to the ground, and the crowd swayed backwards and forwards in 
 fierce strife. At first the old coxswain and his side seemed to be 
 getting the worst of it, but he fought like a veritable demon, 
 laying about him in a fashion well worthy of the Buccaneer's best 
 fighting days. 
 
 What seemed most strange was, that the watchword was the 
 same on both sides, namely Liberty. Step by step, the old Cox- 
 swain was beaten back through a narrow gorge which opened on 
 to a small square in the centre of which was a statue representing 
 Victory in her idle hours, playing at quoits. This open space was 
 flanked on one side by a museum of Naval and Military anti- 
 quities, glorious relics of a glorious past. On the other side of 
 the square and away from the narrow gorge was another museum, 
 which was filled with a most valuable collection of ancient fossils, 
 and other scientific remains. Back into this open space the old 
 coxswain and his men were forced. Inch by inch they disputed 
 the narrow way. Old Jack every now and again let fly a quaint 
 oath or two ; but as he afterwards said, the occasion justified the 
 deed. In a voice of thunder he kept cheering his men on, crying 
 
164 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 out, " Rally, men ! Rally ! " Just as King Mob was pushing old 
 Jack extremely hard, assistance came from an unexpected quarter. 
 
 The uncrowned queen had shut herself up indoors ; but 
 Madam Liberty upon whom both sides had called, came now to 
 the front and allied herself with the coxswain. Knowing full well 
 that if she allowed the ugly faced monarch to gain the day, she 
 herself would, in all probability, be bound hand and foot, and cast 
 into prison, with a gag in her mouth, she threw all her weight on 
 the side of the coxswain, and brought up just in time her numer- 
 ous followers to the rescue. Demos when he saw his mother 
 against him, made use of most disrespectful language, calling her 
 all kinds of bad names, which will not bear repeating. Just as 
 Liberty reinforced the coxswain in front, the Beggar Woman who 
 was now mounted on horseback, attacked King Mob with a strong 
 force on his flank. Thus assailed, and without either drill or dis- 
 cipline the would-be monarch wavered, then turned and fled 
 through the Place of Discord. The retreat was disastrous, and his 
 followers were driven back well within their own quarters. As 
 they went they did what damage they could ; smashed windows 
 and laid their hands upon everything of value that came in their 
 way. 
 
 Thus was Demos and his father for the time at least defeated, 
 and the old coxswain and his allies were hailed as the saviours of 
 the people. In olden days, no doubt, he would have been ac- 
 corded by universal acclamation a triumph, when he would have 
 made a public entry into the Buccaneer's great city, mounted on a 
 magnificent horse richly caparisonedj with his two lieutenants, 
 Liberty and Patriotism, riding one on either side of him. Such 
 things, however, have long ceased to be, and now we can only 
 read of them in the pages of history. 
 
 The Buccaneer's people celebrated the victory in a manner more 
 in keeping with their character and disposition. When the noise 
 and turmoil of the battle were over and the fighting men had left 
 off swearing ; when their passions had cooled down a little, the 
 bells upon the old Church Hulk rang out a summons to prayers. 
 The joyful sound was taken up by every belfry on shore, and soon 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 165 
 
 the clang of the iron tongues vibrated all over the island. The 
 many idlers took their last sip at the cup of pleasure. The 
 churches filled ; the people prayed, the priests all preached and the 
 great Hat was sent round. That was never forgotten, no matter 
 what was going on. Many consciences were eased and all were 
 strengthened and made more ready for the wear and tear of every- 
 day life ; while the cheap- Jacks took advantage of the pious 
 moments of the Buccaneer's people to push their trade. 
 
 It is not to be supposed that the Buccaneer's Press gang were 
 idle on such an occasion. But to their credit it must be said that 
 they all, with about one exception, forgot their little differences and 
 took the side of law and order against the followers of King 
 Mob. 
 
 But now the big mouthed cannon belched forth the joyful 
 tidings of the Buccaneer's return. Loud cries of welcome greeted 
 his ears as he stepped ashore. " Hail ! all hail ! to the old sea 
 king ; to the mighty trader ! Hail to the Defender of the Faith, 
 the ruler of the sea ; to him on whose vast dominions the sun 
 never sets ! Hail ! all hail," so cried the people. 
 
CHAPTER XXXI. 
 
 THE first thing that saluted the Buccaneer's ears after all the re- 
 joicings at his safe return were over, was a low, dull, rumbling 
 sound as if distant thunder. 
 
 " What is that ? " he asked of Dogvane. 
 
 " I know not, sir ; but the atmosphere is heavy, and there may 
 be a storm abrewing ; but I hear nothing." This was an official 
 statement on the part of Dogvane that was wide of the truth. 
 
 The art of lying has already been touched upon ; but there are 
 many kinds of lies which have not been enumerated. There is 
 the oblique lie, the lie direct. The lie by implication and insinu- 
 ation ; and passing by the various kinds of social lie there is the 
 official and the diplomatic lie. The latter is very much superior 
 to the "lie vulgaris" or common lie, and it moves in the very best 
 society. It is a most polished courtier. The official and diplo- 
 matic lie require very great skill and study so as not to betray 
 their owner. They require also a natural aptitude, a schooled 
 countenance, so that neither the eye, the voice, nor the mouth 
 discloses their secret. Your diplomatist especially, to be success- 
 ful, should be indeed a most refined and accomplished liar. 
 
 Dogvane knew very well what the rumbling sound was. It was 
 the Drum Ecclesiastic. He thought for a moment and then 
 muttered to himself, " Who the devil has set that old instrument 
 going ? " Then after a pause he said : " The handiwork, I'll be 
 bound, of that young rascal Random Jack. Drat his little skin ! 
 He's always in mischief." 
 
 But louder and louder grew the sound, and in a short time 
 there could be no disguising the fact that the Church was sound- 
 ing the alarm. Dogvane thought it best to take at once the bull 
 by the horns. " It's a bold party stroke, sir," he said, " a very 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 167 
 
 bold party stroke and well worthy of the other watch. Knowing 
 your love for the old craft, God bless her ! they have tried to 
 frighten you. Their goings on are really shameful." But now a 
 most imposing procession formed up on board the Church Hulk 1 
 and headed by the High Priest, proceeded on board the Ship of 
 State and discovered to the Buccaneer and his trusty captain the 
 vile and sinful plot of the cook's caboose. 
 
 No doubt in olden times the cook, the butcher and the car- 
 penter, with his mate, would have been cursed with bell and book, 
 when the devil would have put in an appearance and have carried 
 the conspirators away with him bodily to his infernal regions ; but 
 cursings have gone out of fashion. In fact they seem to have 
 lost their power, like drugs that have been too long kept. The 
 High Priest told the Buccaneer that his cherished Church was in 
 danger. That in fact there was a conspiracy afloat, to board 
 and rob her, and then to cast her adrift, when Heaven alone 
 knew what would become of her. Of one thing he felt certain ; 
 the many flocks would wander about without shepherds, or would 
 be tended by those of inferior learning and understanding. The 
 High Priest then began to lecture the Buccaneer, thinking no 
 doubt that he was the same pliant and penitent gentleman as of 
 old, when he was ever ready to fall upon his knees and cry, " I 
 have sinned." But now when the High Priest told him that the 
 danger to his Church was brought about by his selfishness, worldli- 
 ness, and general religious indifference, and that to counteract 
 all this accumulation of evil he ought to humble himself and 
 scourge himself inwardly by prayers and fastings, the bold Bucca- 
 neer opened out in an altogether unexpected manner, and said : 
 " Should not all this be done by my State Church ? At least," he 
 added, " set me the example, and where you lead there will I 
 follow; but it is no use your pointing up the steep hill which leads 
 to heaven and bidding me walk, while you and all your followers 
 drive there in a well cushioned carriage and pair. If my Church 
 is in danger, the danger comes from within, and you have no one 
 to blame but yourselves. Let the crew of your ship, my lord, cease 
 squabbling amongst themselves about trifles. Let them set their 
 
1 68 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 face against the pomps and vanities of the world, and let them 
 look well within to see if by chance any worldliness has got pos- 
 session of their own hearts." 
 
 This cruel language shocked the Buccaneer's High Priest, and 
 he was about to reply ; but the Buccaneer stopped him, saying ; 
 "Stay, stay a minute, in the past you have lectured me a 
 good deal and told me, no doubt, many a home truth, and I 
 thank you. I now return you the compliment, for it may be of 
 service to you, as you say your Church is in danger. All things 
 on board that old Hulk there are not as they should be; for while 
 some of her crew lead the life of Dives, too many have to walk in 
 the footsteps of Lazarus. The labour and the hire are not equally 
 divided. I am going now to look a little more into my affairs, 
 and I shall soon call upon you to render a just account of 
 your stewardship. Many of you do not act as if you believed 
 in what you preach : the salt having lost in many cases its 
 flavour. 
 
 " How have the mighty fallen ? " exclaimed the High Priest. 
 The Buccaneer, misunderstanding the words of the head of his 
 Church, replied, " And pray, whose fault is that ? Perhaps there 
 are hypocrites and even Pharisees amongst you ; those who seek 
 the highest places in the synagogues and at the social table, and 
 who are worshippers of forms and ceremonies." What wicked- 
 ness was here ! But this bold, bad man continued in the same 
 strain, or stay, it may have been the wicked devil who was mak- 
 ing this eminently respectable and pious old Buccaneer, his 
 mouthpiece. " Has pride, arrogance, and self-sufficiency any 
 place in your hearts?" he asked. "Has my priesthood fallen and 
 been led captive by mammon and selfishness, and while they fix 
 one eye constantly upon heaven, do they not with the other look 
 too lovingly upon the earth ? Fast then and pray yourselves, for 
 thy faith may be weak, and as the Israelites of old fell away and 
 worshipped more gods than one, so too may my priests have set 
 up some graven image or images, and here may lie the danger. 
 Search well yourselves and put your ship in order. It is no use 
 preaching to the world abstinence if you do not practise it your- 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer, 169 
 
 selves. Our religion was placed in poor soil, tended and cared 
 for by mendicant labourers, and it flourished. The workers now 
 are of a different caste, the spirit of the first teachers has passed 
 away, and the flower fades." 
 
 This was not a bad specimen of pulpit oratory, coming as it did 
 from an old gentleman who had commenced life as a pirate ; but 
 it is well known that the greater the sinner the greater the saint. 
 The language of the bold Buccaneer was fully discussed and fully 
 condemned, and the great Church drum still kept beating. The 
 sound went out all over the land; was heard upon many a hearth, 
 and put fear into many a breast, for the old Church Hulk was 
 dearly loved, with all her faults, more especially by the Bucca- 
 neer's women, in whose eyes a priest was little less than a god 
 clothed in a decent suit of black. 
 
 But what was going on on board the Church Hulk all this time? 
 The burning question of Church in danger was pushed aside, and 
 high above everything else the voice of controversy could be 
 heard arguing upon a matter of the deepest import to all the 
 world. It was the question of eternal punishment, which, alas ! 
 can never be satisfactorily settled; as to whether the soul that 
 dies in sin is surely for ever damned. The adventurous spirits 
 who had started this rank and soul-destroying heresy of hope even 
 beyond the grave were few in number. These seemed to have a 
 beautiful faith, if an erroneous one, in God's unbounded mercy, 
 which, overtaking the poor lost soul before it entered the gates of 
 hell, might in some cases bring it back to the bright realms of 
 eternal bliss. For so rank a heresy there was perhaps neither 
 authority nor justification, and it did more honour to the hearts 
 of the schismatics than it did credit to their understanding or 
 learning; so it was thought. The majority of the disputants 
 stuck, however, to the penal clause, which says that the soul that 
 dies in sin shall surely perish. These fortified themselves behind 
 ramparts built up of dogma and bound together with the strong 
 and lasting cement of human passions. Over the battlements 
 they hung out their banner, on which was emblazoned the words, 
 " No Surrender." The little band were driven back and had to 
 
170 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 seek consolation in the thought that no matter what is said and 
 done, God is the God of Mercy. 
 
 Poor, poor soul, how heavily you are weighted. Given pas- 
 sions, and desires, and all kinds of forbidden fruit placed well 
 within your reach, with a longing to taste. Pluck, and you are 
 straightway handed over to the devil, to be flagellated, tortured, 
 and burned everlastingly. So it is said. Ye priests, in the past, 
 what a heaven and what a hell have ye made for human beings ! 
 See the father torn away from his fair-haired child and hurled 
 headlong to the bottomless pit, where there is nothing but weep- 
 ing and gnashing of teeth, and a fire that is never quenched. 
 See the mother taken away from her erring son, and winged up 
 to heaven with a bleeding, broken heart. See the sister with her 
 loving arms twined round some lost brother's neck, and crying 
 out in her anguish, " Lord ! Lord ! let me share his lot ; let his 
 misery be mine. Let me moisten his parched lips with my tears. 
 Where he lies let me lie also." But the bitter parting has to come, 
 and while one sobbing is taken to Heaven, the other is sent to 
 Hell. In the dark clouds that superstition has hung over tremb- 
 ling humanity we see a little rift, as vivid in brightness as when 
 the Heavens are cleft with lightning, and through the rent we see 
 pale-faced Pity weeping for the loss of her children. 
 
CHAPTER XXXII. 
 
 A DAY having been set apart by the Buccaneer's High Priest for 
 solemn fasts, prayers, and humiliations, to counteract as far as 
 possible the evil effects which might be expected to arise from 
 the impious conduct of the Buccaneer, and devilish machinations 
 of the conspirators of the cook's caboose ; and all the wise men 
 in the island having been set to work to find out the exact pres- 
 sure that the ecclesiastical wrath had upon the square inch of 
 the social atmosphere, things sank down again to their usual 
 level ; for no storm lasts forever. 
 
 The captain of the watch, old Bill Dogvane, now summoned 
 all the conspirators before him, and rated them well for their 
 folly and want of forethought in setting the big drum of the 
 church going. " Don't you see, my lads," he said, " that things 
 aren't ripe yet for such a sweeping measure ? All in good time ; 
 all in good time. But first and foremost see which way the wind 
 is blowing, and which way the current sets, and then, my hearties, 
 steer your course accordingly." 
 
 The conspirators affected very great surprise ; said that the 
 whole thing was a gross misrepresentation ; a mere game got up 
 entirely by Random Jack, who, having stowed himself away, 
 had listened to a private conversation they had had in the cook's 
 caboose. 
 
 " Well, my lads, I think the storm is over, and the dust this 
 time is laid ; but Chips, my man, where is your mate ? " It now 
 came out that Chisel was ashore in tow of a lass, and when a 
 sailor is so situated he is never fit for duty. 
 
 Just as old Dogvane was congratulating himself upon having 
 got, as he thought, into smooth water again, there come a hail 
 from the shore of " Ship of State, ahoy J " 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 "What the devil is in the wind now?" cried Dogvane, as he 
 took a look over the ship's side. At the same time the Buc- 
 caneer, who was below, called up to know who it was that was 
 calling. "Ah!" said Dogvane to himself, "I ought to have 
 known that that old coach was a slow one to travel." 
 
 " Ship ahoy ! " came again. " Who is that ? " demanded the 
 Buccaneer. 
 
 "It looks uncommonly like old Squire Broadacre, sir," was 
 Dogvane's reply. Now this old gentleman had at one time been 
 extremely well off, and had kept up great state and open house ; 
 keeping many retainers, feeding many mouths, but hard times 
 had overtaken him, and he was now sorely pinched, and even 
 poverty was seen on the outskirts of his property, and was draw- 
 ing nearer to his door every day. The Buccaneer ordered a boat 
 to be sent ashore. 
 
 " Send a boat ashore ! " muttered Dogvane. " Why, a line of 
 battle ships would not hold him and his cargo of grievances, I 
 know." However, a boat was sent, and the old gentleman was 
 ferried on board. The captain of the Starboard Watch seeing 
 the conspirators together abreast of the cook's galley went up to 
 them, saying, "A pretty kettle offish you fellows have put upon 
 the fire. Here is some more of your handiwork." 
 
 The butcher chuckled to himself, and said, " If you fellows 
 had nipped round and caught Random Jack, all this bother 
 would have been saved." The butcher was always criticising. 
 
 " Ah ! Billy," replied the carpenter, " like many another clever 
 fellow, you are extremely wise after the event ; you see, it is not 
 for you to talk ; if you hadn't had a nervous attack you might 
 have caught him yourself." 
 
 All further discussion was put a stop to by the appearance on 
 board of the old squire, who seemed to be completely overcome 
 with excitement. He told the Buccaneer that he had it on the 
 very best authority that he was to be attacked and robbed, and 
 he came to demand protection. Of course in the abstract being 
 a member of the Buccaneer's family he had a right to protection. 
 Things, he said, had come to a pretty pass if honest folk were to 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 173 
 
 be deprived of their property without people saying with your 
 leave or by your leave. 
 
 The squire, following so closely upon the heels of the church, 
 aroused the anger of the old Sea King, who always on such occa- 
 sions, made a scapegoat of some one, and he now tried to make 
 Dogvane perform that most necessary but disagreeable office, but 
 the captain was much too old a bird to be caught either by chaff, 
 or to have salt put upon his tail. 
 
 Then no sooner had the fears of the old squire been somewhat 
 allayed by Dogvane declaring that it was all a party trick, than 
 fresh trouble arose; for the Ojabberaways taking advantage of 
 the state of affairs, so acted as to stop all business, and played on 
 board the ship their old game of " Mag's diversions," or the 
 " devil's delight." But amidst all this confusion there was one 
 bright spot, and that was the noble way in which the old cox- 
 swain had acted. When the Buccaneer heard of it he was de- 
 lighted and determined to reward him by elevating him to 
 some high position on board the Ship of State. Indeed, so im- 
 pressed was he with old Jack's abilities, that he was for sending 
 him at once to the Upper Chamber ; but Jack said he would 
 rather decline the honour, for the members were proud, standing 
 very much upon their dignity, and he feared they might give him 
 the cold shoulder. Besides which, he feared that as the cook had 
 taken a dislike to that establishment it could not last long. Then 
 the Buccaneer called to him Dogvane, and ordered him to find 
 honest Jack some post of distinction in the after part of the ship. 
 
 The captain of the watch demurred to this, saying it would be 
 a most unconstitutional thing, and he contended that to raise so 
 ordinary a personage as Jack Commonsense from a position that 
 was humble to one that was exalted, and make all at once an 
 officer of State of him, would be fraught with extreme danger. In 
 all probability everybody would resign, for such an honest, 
 straightforward fellow as the cox'sn was, would be sure to rub 
 the whole crew up the wrong way, which everyone knew was a 
 most dangerous thing to do j putting the fat in every way upon 
 the fire. He plainly intimated that to promote Jack Common- 
 
1 74 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 sense would probably bring about discord, which might end even 
 in revolution. " Heaven only knows, sir ! " he exclaimed, " we 
 have wrangling enough as it is on board the old ship." 
 
 The Buccaneer thought the matter over, and said that he was 
 considerably disappointed, as he felt sure that Jack would not dis- 
 grace himself at the council board. A thought seemed suddenly 
 to strike him. " As you will not have him here, Master Dogvane, 
 I will make a bishop of him. His presence on board the old 
 Church Hulk will be an advantage to every one, more especially 
 in these critical times." He at once hailed the old ship alongside, 
 and expressed his wishes. There was a solemn conclave at once 
 held, and all the divines who were conspicuous for their learn- 
 ing and piety were called together to consider so grave a matter, 
 and after a careful discussion, which lasted many hours, they 
 arrived at the conclusion that the old cox'sn could not on any 
 account be made a bishop or given even a place of any import- 
 ance on board the Church Hulk. They intimated that it would 
 be more in keeping with a modest demeanour if he contented 
 himself with his present lot in life, and they pointed out that 
 pride which had turned satan himself out of Heaven was alto- 
 gether to be condemned. Besides, they said, they feared that if 
 they gave the old cox'sn a permanent place on board their ship 
 he would in time undermine the whole of their authority, and 
 bring down the sacred edifice about their ears, and that the High 
 Priest and other ecclesiastical dignitaries would be buried in the 
 ruins, and forever lost to the cause of religion. The members of 
 the Solemn Conclave admitted that Jack Commonsense was an 
 inestimable and even religious fellow, and that in the Buccaneer's 
 realms he had nobly done his duty ; but as virtue was at all times 
 its own reward, the old cox'sn could not want any further recom- 
 pense. Besides, they added, he had received no ecclesiastical 
 education ; knew little or nothing of the Levitical Law, or of the 
 Fathers of Theology, and could not therefore be expected to 
 wrestle against the Devil's first lieutenant, Heresy. 
 
 Thus poor old Jack's doom was sealed ; but when he heard 
 that neither ship would have him at any price he was not down- 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 175 
 
 hearted, but went on his quiet way as before ; giving himself 
 neither airs nor graces like so many people do. Old Jack was 
 not one of those ambitious, self-confident, self-seeking fellows 
 whose only virtue is unbounded impudence, and who are forever 
 thrusting themselves forward, not caring two straws who falls, or 
 who is thrust to the wall, so long as they can struggle and keep 
 to the front; holding up before the eyes of the people their 
 farthing dip, and swearing its light is equal to ever so many 
 candles, or even oil lamps. 
 
 "Well," said old Jack, as he trudged away, "if I do not rise, 
 neither shall I fall. Let those who like soar up on the butter- 
 fly wings of ambition, I'll have none of it myself. Sooner or later 
 old Dame Fortune turns round her wheel and up comes her 
 eldest daughter and pins your butterfly to the earth with the 
 sharp-pointed pin of adversity. Then where are you ? " 
 
CHAPTER XXXIII. 
 
 So far so well. The storm had been avoided. The cook and 
 burly butcher bowed their heads humbly before their captain ; 
 for no matter where he led they were prepared to follow. Some 
 said that the cook could only expect promotion by sticking 
 through thick and thin to the coat-tails of old Dogvane ; but the 
 carpenter's spirit was mutinous, and he showed no disposition to 
 dance either to the cook's organ, or to be monkey-led by the 
 captain of the Starboard Watch. 
 
 Although the Buccaneer was somewhat pacified, he determined 
 to look into things a little more himself, for, as he said, there 
 could not be so much smoke without a certain amount of fire. 
 To begin with, he told the captain of his watch that he intended 
 interviewing the heads of some of his departments. Dogvane 
 tried to dissuade his master. He said it would be unconstitu- 
 tional and all sort of things. That the officials would not like it. 
 They could not bear meddling ; it hurt their dignity. But it was 
 of no use, the Buccaneer was determined. 
 
 The high State officials who had the management of the affairs 
 on board of the old ship thought, like most other servants, that 
 they could best serve their master by squandering his money ; 
 and they did it right royally. Perhaps royally is not the proper 
 word, for royalty is often careful, if not close, with its own money, 
 whatever it may be with other people's. 
 
 The lavish manner in which the Buccaneer's servants spent his 
 money was conspicuously shown in the administration of his 
 army and navy, and in fact in all his public works. The one 
 great principle being to spend a pound in laying out a penny, no 
 matter whether it was a ship of war that had to be built or the 
 mouth of a poor starving person that had to be filled Whether 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. \ 77 
 
 this waste was due to carelessness, stupidity, or ignorance, or to a 
 combination of all three, matters little. The result was the same. 
 
 Finding his master was not to be put off, Dogvane began to 
 cry up his wares like the long shore cheap-Jacks. 
 
 "Your Navy, sir," he said, " is in excellent condition, though of 
 course, the watch on shore deny this ; but that is according to 
 custom. We have placed your navy in the hands of those who 
 have been chosen on purely constitutional principles. Here again, 
 we show that we are not the revolutionist that our enemies would 
 make us out to be. Your first lord of the Admiralty we have 
 selected from amongst those who are distinguished for their ignor- 
 ance in all maritime matters. Men who do not know a ship's head 
 from a ship's tail. I believe I should, to be quite correct, call it 
 stem. It is of course a difficult thing to find amongst an insular, 
 and seafaring people, any man absolutely ignorant, but we do our 
 best, and no man can do more. One thus selected, sir x on purely 
 constitutional principles, is more likely to be free from prejudice 
 than your professional man, and he is likely to exercise a healthy 
 check upon your sea lords, whose predisposition is to drift into 
 bloated armaments and bloody wars. This, of course, means 
 money, and your expenditure is already more than any of your 
 neighbours, and if we have not as many ships, sailors, and soldiers, 
 as we ought to have, or than what your neighbours have, we at 
 least spend ever so much more money, which must be to you an 
 extreme satisfaction. If they say, look at our armies ! we say, 
 look at our expenditure ! Your fellows do not cost a quarter, or a 
 fraction as much, man for man, as our fellows do, or ship for* 
 ship. Cheap things, it is well known, are not only not good, but 
 they are frequently nasty. Although your first lord may be totally 
 ignorant of all things pertaining to the sea, he is ably assisted by 
 distinguished sailors, and your first sea lord is ever ready and will- 
 ing to set your first lord right when he goes wrong, which he sel- 
 dom if ever does, or if he does we never receive any official infor- 
 mation on the subject. They all support their party. They see 
 nothing they ought not to see, and are at all times ready to swear 
 that whatever is, is right, as far their watch is concerned, and that 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 whatever is, is wrong, as far as the other watch is concerned. 
 Honest sailors can do no more." 
 
 " Master Dogvane, is this as it should be ? " the Buccaneer asked. 
 
 '' Most assuredly, sir. It is most constitutional, and according 
 to your general custom." 
 
 "Master Dogvane, I have found you to be of a sanguine tem- 
 perament. You told me my people were prosperous and con- 
 tented. I have my doubts, and I shall satisfy myself. But of 
 that anon. Let my first lord of the Admiralty be called." 
 
 The first lord was down below listening to the first sea lord 
 spinning a yarn, and he was trying to learn how to do it ; because 
 at times he was called upon to spin yarns with reference to his de- 
 partment. As has been already stated in this most truthful history, 
 there was a time when the Buccaneer ruled the stormy ocean. 
 He was then one of the finest sailors that ever trod a plank or 
 made use of a strange sea oath ; but times had changed, and many 
 thought that modern innovation had taken the wind out of his 
 sails, and that he at present traded upon his past reputation. But 
 people must say something. 
 
 The first lord of the Admiralty appeared. " Now, sir," said 
 the Buccaneer, " take charge, and let me see what you can do." 
 The whole seafaring world had been so changed and modernized 
 since the old Buccaneer had commanded in person, that he really 
 knew very little about things ; but ignorance can always be con- 
 cealed by a discreet silence. 
 
 The first lord being thus called upon to show his pro r essional 
 knowledge, cried out, " Ease her ! backer ! stopper ! " This was 
 addressed through a speaking trumpet to the old Church Hulk 
 alongside ; but as she had never been known to move for years 
 past, what the first lord said was without effect. Indeed the 
 crew of the old Church ship were busily occupied in trying a re- 
 bellious priest who would neither mend his ways, nor leave his 
 pulpit, but breathed defiance against the High Priest and all his 
 ecclesiastical big guns. 
 
 " What is all that about ? "exclaimed the Buccaneer, addressing 
 his first lord. 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 179 
 
 " Those, sir, are nautical expressions I have picked up on the 
 river," replied the first lord, " and I believe they are technically 
 correct. If they are not, I have no official information on the 
 subject.' 
 
 The old Buccaneer not willing to display his ignorance, said, "I 
 want, sir, to know what state your department is in. What have 
 you been doing ; and how are my ships ? " 
 
 "I have spent your money, sir, right well. I have bought 
 some very fine and fast new cruisers, and I gave as much for 
 them as I decently could." 
 
 " How is this ? " cried the Buccaneer, " I used to be the first 
 shipwright in the world." 
 
 " Rest easy, sir," Dogvane said. " These goods are of home 
 manufacture. It is your custom in times of peace to let your 
 shipyards lie idle ; but when a scare comes, as come they will, in 
 the best regulated nation, then we buy your ships from private 
 firms, and having husbanded your wealth, you can the more 
 readily give high prices in cases of necessity." 
 
 " But is this wise, Master Dogvane ? " 
 
 " It is constitutional, sir," was the captain's reply. He might 
 have added that it was also a customary thing to sell these ships, 
 for which so much had been given, for a mere song after the 
 panic was over. 
 
 The first lord continued, "Then as to what I have done, sir, 
 I have had the Admiral Superintendent's house at your principal 
 naval station thoroughly repaired, cleaned, and re-decorated. All 
 your ships that float are in a serviceable condition, and as they 
 have no enemy to contend against, except the elements, they occa- 
 sionally run into one another, just to keep their hands in, and occa- 
 sionally a ship is sunk or disabled. Although we have a due regard 
 for your great wealth, we do not encourage a too frequent repetition 
 of this, as it is extremely costly. There is still ' a sweet little 
 cherub that sits up aloft and looks out for the life of poor Jack.' 
 That is, he would no doubt sit up aloft if he had anything to sit 
 upon or any place to put it." 
 
 " You see, sir," exclaimed Dogvane with delight, " what excel- 
 
180 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer 
 
 lent hands your navy is in. Your first lord can also tip you a 
 stave, as they say at sea. He can sing you Oh ! Pilot, 'tis a 
 fearful night,' or 'All in the Downs,' he is also exceptionally good 
 at a break down." 
 
 This high praise quite pleased the first lord, and wishing to ad- 
 vance himself still more in the good graces of his master, he said, 
 " I can take an observation. I can use the strangest of sea oaths, 
 and I can at all times make it eight bells." 
 
 " A man, sir, who can at all times make it eight bells, must 
 needs be a good sailor," Dogvane said. 
 
 " But let me see him work the ship, Master Dogvane." 
 
 The first lord being thus called upon to show his professional 
 skill, told the sea lord to stand by and look out for squalls, 
 which he accordingly did. 
 
 " Close by fours " cried the first lord; but the sea lord stopped 
 him at once by saying, " Steady there, shipmate ! you are getting 
 mixed." 
 
 There was now a long discussion between the two lords of the 
 Buccaneer's Admiralty. The first lord declaring he never mixed, 
 the first sea lord declaring that he did. " Anyhow," cried the 
 latter, "put your helm down and go about." 
 
 " Aye, aye," cried the first lord. "Helm's a lee; raise tacks 
 and sheet. All hands splice the main brace ! " 
 
 " Capital ! capital ! " exclaimed Dogvane, " your first lord, sir, 
 is indeed an excellent sailor. He can actually splice the main 
 brace and I feel sure that must be a most arduous undertaking ; 
 requiring much skill and intelligence. He seems, indeed, to be 
 gaining so much knowledge of his profession that I shall have to 
 move him to some other department, probably the army ; he has 
 some slight knowledge of military matters, but not enough to 
 render him unfit for the post of secretary of State for war. For- 
 tunately the heads of your different departments are all inter- 
 changeable." 
 
 "How about his accounts, Dogvane?" the Buccaneer 
 asked. 
 
 " Ah ! there, sir, I think you will find his ignorance most 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 181 
 
 creditable. Accounts are a sort of thing that no high official 
 could possibly be expected to understand." 
 
 " What does my sea lord say ? " asked the Buccaneer. 
 
 " Rivet my bolts and split my plates ! what do I say." 
 
 " Note, sir, the change," Dogvane exclaimed. " It used to be 
 shiver my timbers, you see, sir, your first sea lord is quite in keep- 
 ing with the progress of the age. These changes of course have 
 not been brought about without much trouble and at great 
 expense." 
 
 " What do I say, your honour ! " cried the first sea lord, " uhy 
 clear the decks for action and strike up the band." 
 
 " What ! " exclaimed the Buccaneer, as the blood mounted to 
 his face, " are we going to have a naval engagement ? I have not 
 seen such a thing, Dogvane, for these many years past." 
 
 The Buccaneer now looked on with surprise at the first sea 
 lord, who, having thrown aside his cocked hat, folded his arms 
 and danced round the deck on the circumference of a circle. 
 
 " What is all this, Master Dogvane ? " the Buccaneer asked. 
 
 " He is going to dance you a hornpipe, sir. Your people are 
 particularly fond of such things and they would come in crowds 
 from miles away to see your first sea lord do the double shuffle." 
 
 " But I don't want to see it, so stop him. I want to know 
 something about my ships." 
 
 With very great difficulty the first sea lord was stopped, for he 
 was well under weigh .and it was some little time before they 
 brought him up by hanging on to the swallow tails of his coat. 
 
 " What do I say ? " he cried. " That must depend very much 
 upon what I am expected to say. How's your head, captain ? " 
 This was addressed to Dogvane and was meant as a signal of dis- 
 tress, and not as an expression of solicitude for Dogvane's cranium. 
 The hint was taken and the captain said that their master wanted 
 to know if his ships were well found and whether he still ruled 
 the sea. 
 
 To this the sea lord replied, " Every ship, sir, that is not in 
 Davy Jones' locker, has the sea well under her, and, therefore, it 
 may be asserted that she has complete control of the sea." 
 
1 82 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 " Davy Jones' locker ! " cried the Buccaneer in amazement, 
 " why I sent very few of my ships there in olden days and my 
 enemies sent still fewer." 
 
 Dogvane explained to his master that rapid strides had taken 
 place in all things naval and that great changes had been brought 
 about. "We have been so pressed for room, sir," he exclaimed, 
 " that we have been obliged to turn "Davy Jones' locker into one 
 of your principal dockyards, where we keep many of your ships 
 which are not required for immediate use." 
 
 The first sea lord doused, as sailors says, his starboard glim, 
 and contemplated old Dogvane with the other, while a look of 
 admiration and a jovial smile played over his weather-b eaten face 
 as he answered : 
 
 " Aye, aye, sir, and every year we send a ship or two there to 
 be repaired. The remainder we tinker up ourselves." The old 
 Buccaneer made no answer. Things had evidently changed very 
 much indeed since he was himself afloat, but it never does for a 
 master to display a want of knowledge before his servants. As to 
 whether the Buccaneer had lost his skill in seamanship and ship- 
 building w y as merely a matter of opinion. But there could be no 
 doubt that anything he had lost in one direction was amply made 
 up by what he had gained in the tinkering line. Here he could 
 not be surpassed. 
 
 " All your guns," continued the first sea lord, " that are neither 
 cracked nor burst are in excellent condition. Every ship that 
 does not want for anything is particularly well found, and your 
 sailors, sir, are as jolly and rollicking a lot of devils as ever turned 
 a quid or drained a tot of grog." 
 
 "Capital! capital!" cried Dogvane, as he clapped his hands 
 with delight, " such skill and knowledge must be rewarded. We 
 must bestow some high distinctions upon these two officials. We 
 must ennoble them and send round your Hat of maintenance." 
 The lords of the Admiralty were then dismissed. 
 
 In passing, it maybe said that the old Buccaneer had navigated 
 the world in ships that, beside his present monsters, were but as 
 cockle shells, and all his great victories had been gained on beard 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 183 
 
 his old wooden walls ; but now his seamen were incased in iron 
 or steel and had to live and fight almost under water, and it was 
 a matter of constant dispute as to whether the Buccaneer had 
 ships enough even to defend his own shores. Some people going 
 so far as to say that not only had he not enough ships, but that 
 he had no guns for what he had. 
 
CHAPTER XXXIV. 
 
 THE Buccaneer's War Minister now received his summons, as in 
 naval matters, so in military. The high official who had charge of 
 his army, and was responsible for the safety of the Buccaneer's 
 vast empire, was totally ignorant, or nearly so, of all things con- 
 nected with the military profession. When Dogvane descanted 
 upon his ignorance of all things military, the Buccaneer ex- 
 claimed : " Stay, Master Dogvane ! if my body is ailing should 
 I not send for a physician, one skilled in disease ? If my 
 mind is disturbed upon some spiritual matter should I not send 
 for my spiritual adviser ? And if I want a legal opinion should I 
 not go to my lawyer ? " 
 
 " If you did, sir, I do not hesitate to tell you that you would 
 be acting in an altogether unconstitutional manner." 
 
 " What ! then if I want a coat made I should not go to my 
 tailor ? If I want a pair of boots I should seek some other than 
 my shoemaker to make them ? " 
 
 " Undoubtedly, sir, for such ever has been your custom, and 
 who will say that it has not worked well; for you are both wealthy 
 and great. Your plan ever has been to put the roundest of men 
 into the squarest of holes. It is a fortunate thing, sir, that human 
 nature is so pliable that it can adapt itself to any condition." 
 
 The War Minister was in his particular part of the ship, occupied, 
 together with the most eminent of the Buccaneer's military officers, 
 in testing and trying which of all the advertised food for infants 
 was best adapted to the requirements of the Buccaneer's military 
 babes. They had not settled this weighty matter when the War 
 Minister received his summons. Not being a soldier he was 
 completely taken by surprise, of course no soldier would allow 
 himself to fall into such a perilous position ; but to show his 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 185 
 
 comrades that he had not lost his self possession he altered some- 
 what an old song of the Buccaneer's to suit present purposes, and 
 went away merrily singing : 
 
 " I'm afloat, I'm afloat 
 In the old Ship of State, 
 The sailor's profession 
 I cordially hate." 
 
 No doubt his thoughts were wandering back to the time when 
 he himself had been at sea. In all probability he had had charge 
 of the Buccaneer's navy and becoming too full of knowledge had 
 been removed to the army. When he appeared before his master 
 he became quite flustered. The official mind does at times, it is 
 well known, play sad tricks, and displays upon occasions the most 
 wonderful oblivion. When asked as to the state his department 
 was in, he replied : " Quite ship-shape, sir, and ready for sea." 
 
 "It appears to me, sir," said the Buccaneer, "that you are at 
 sea." 
 
 " Am I ? Then let me go below. Like many others, I suffer 
 until I get accustomed to the up and down motion. The lee 
 lurches and weather rolls disturb me. The smell of the oil and 
 tar is offensive, and the result is painful. Then the sailor's quaint 
 oaths I cannot understand. I dare not chew, I cannot smoke, 
 and I do not care to drink, so I feel convinced I was never meant 
 for the sea." 
 
 The War Minister was brought sternly back to his senses by 
 Captain Dogvane, who told him in a severe tone to "wake up," 
 and remember that he was at present in charge of the Buccaneer's 
 Land Forces. 
 
 The War Minister was profuse in his apologies, and said : " In 
 my time, sir, I have filled so many posts that I occasionally get 
 confused. Your Army, sir, is most efficient, and I am proud to 
 be able to tell you that you pay more for your food, for powder, 
 than any other nation under the sun. This to one of your vast 
 wealth must be a source of the greatest satisfaction ; indeed, it 
 must be a glorious thing to contemplate. We have recently made 
 vast prepartions, which of course have been costly." 
 
1 86 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 " This, sir, is as I told you, and will account for the money you 
 advanced me, over that little affair in the East.' 
 
 " Ah ! Master Dogvane, how is that going on ? " 
 
 " Excellently well, sir," was Dogvane's reply ; " at least I have 
 no official information to the contrary. At present, sir, things 
 nearer home claim our attention." 
 
 The War Minister continued : " We have laid in an immense 
 amount of warlike stores, and these, as every one knows, are most 
 costly articles, and it takes far mpre to kill a man in the present 
 state of military science than it would take to keep him alive and 
 in comparative comfort to the crack of doom. On paper, sir, I 
 can mobilize an army, on paper I could place it in the field and 
 on paper I could feed and clothe it. I could, if called upon, club 
 either a battalion, a brigade or even a division." 
 
 Dogvane was not a soldier, but he thought it right to encourage 
 his subordinates whether they were right or wrong, so he ex- 
 claimed : " Capital, capital ! " Then turning to his master, he 
 said : " Beyond this, sir, you could not expect your War Minuter 
 to go. For a general deficiency in professional knowledge I feel 
 sure it would be hard to find his equal. For your practical 
 information you must go to your Field Marshal Commanding-in- 
 Chief, than whom I am told you have no better soldier, and no 
 one has done more to stamp out from amongst your soldiers the 
 pernicious habit of using bad language ; and this has not been 
 done by any brutal exercise of power, but all by kindness and the 
 force of good example." 
 
 " Then my Field Marshal never swears ? " the Buccaneer asked. 
 
 " Never, sir ; at least," he said aside, " hardly ever." 
 
 The Buccaneer, being a very religious man, was very pleased 
 to hear this. " But what is all this I hear," he said, " about my 
 poor fellows who are fighting for me not having proper food ? " 
 
 " The campaign in which you are at present engaged in the 
 East." 
 
 Dogvane stopped the War Minister abruptly, and went into a 
 long explanation. He drew many subtle distinctions as before, 
 between different kinds of warlike operations seme of which he 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. T 87 
 
 said, though offensive in form were purely defensive in essence. 
 In fact, if looked at from a proper point of view were no opera- 
 tions at all. Dogvane's reasoning was of such an obscure nature 
 that nobody could understand it, and there were doubts in the 
 minds of some as to whether Dogvane himself understood what he 
 was talking about. 
 
 The Buccaneer, fearing he might get out of his depth if he 
 followed his captain too far, came back to the main charge, and 
 said to his War Minister : " I am told my soldiers' food was so 
 bad that they could scarcely eat it. That their tea and coffee was 
 mere filth, and that even the water they had to drink was of the 
 vilest description, and this too, when 1 am surrounded by the 
 newest inventions which will make the muddiest stream as pure 
 as crystal, and I spare no expense ? " 
 
 " None whatever, sir," was the War Minister's reply. " I can 
 assure you we pay the highest price for everything, and we can 
 do no more. We have heard no complaint's, and vague rumours 
 we never heed." The official ear on the Buccaneer's island was 
 quite as deaf as what the official eye was blind. Dogvane said he 
 should not be at all surprised if all these reports were put about 
 by the other watch, or as likely as not by that busy little devil, 
 Random Jack. " All about your War Office, sir," he said, ad- 
 dressing the Buccaneer, " look particularly well fed, and are well 
 clothed. I have not seen a crack in either coat or trouser. They 
 seem to want for nothing, and they are, I presume, a fair sample 
 of the whole ; but satisfy yourself, sir. Ask your Field Marshal 
 if he is well fed and well clothed, and as the fountain-head, so, no 
 doubt, is the stream that flows from it. No expense has been 
 spared, I can assure you." 
 
 " And so, Master Dogvane, you all think to serve best my 
 interests by squandering my money, which goes into the capacious 
 pockets of the money grabbing rascally contractors." 
 
 " We have it, sir, on the authority of your only general, 
 who, though an Ojabberaway, is worthy of credence, that, at no 
 time in your whole history has your army been in so excellent a 
 condition." 
 
1 88 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 " Have I then only one general?" the Buccaneer asked in 
 surprise. 
 
 "Only one that we have officially any knowledge of; for 
 further information on that subject, sir, I must refer you to your 
 Commander-in-chief. Your military administration is distin- 
 guished for its very great zeal and energy. For long and weary 
 hours in fact, from 10 o'clock in the morning till 4, or even 5 
 o'clock in the dewy evening, the busy brains of your War Office 
 officials are constantly at work grinding up all military ideas to a 
 common level of official pulp, and it says a very great deal for the 
 quality of the official brain that it has never yet broken down 
 under the severe strain that has been put upon it. There has not 
 been, as far as I know, a single instance of well authenticated 
 madness inside your War Office. Go to your arsenals, and you 
 will find them a busy hive of industry. The hive is occasionally 
 blown up by an explosion, but the operatives, as a class, are 
 happy and contented. Your military nurseries are full of the 
 most promising children, who will, should they survive the many 
 ills that childish flesh is heir too, develop, no doubt, into most 
 excellent soldiers. Is it not so ? " This latter was addressed to 
 the War Minister, who said that it was, and added : " They have 
 all been vaccinated, and most of them have had the measles, and 
 not a few the hooping-cough. In olden days, sir, your battles 
 were fought by the scum of your populations. This great blot in 
 your military system we are eradicating, and in the future, sir, 
 moral force, which, it has been estimated, is equal to about three 
 to one of physical force, will play no mean part in all your 
 military undertakings. Therefor, multiplying your units by three 
 gives you a first fighting line of over 500,000 men, with a total 
 fighting power of about one million and a half." 
 
 " Take care, sir," said the Buccaneer, " that you do not make 
 my soldiers too thin skinned. A pampered dog won't fight, and 
 a hound too finely bred will not face the prickles of a gorse bush. 
 Whatever my soldiers were in the past they fought well, and have 
 built up for me a reputation, that I hope my soldiers of to-day 
 and those who lead them and those who guide them will know 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 189 
 
 how to keep. The deeds, Master Dogvane, of the brave lads 
 that are gone are written on tablets placed on the walls of the 
 Temple of Fame. Let no foul breath of calumny be breathed 
 over them, for whatever sins they have committed have been 
 washed out with their own blood. One thing, Master Dogvane, 
 they at least had, and that was, good trusty steel." 
 
 Dogvane took the hint, and thought that a little candour would 
 best serve his purpose. " It has come to my ears, sir, that our 
 modern steel is not quite up to the mark, so to test it I have 
 ordered a Royal Commission to sit upon our bayonets and cutlasses, 
 and if they can support without bending or breaking so severe a 
 strain, their temper must be good indeed. It has been said too, 
 amongst other things, that your machine guns occasionally jam 
 and I will not deny that it is so, when they are in the hands of 
 your sailors, but, then, they are such merry devils that they would 
 jam almost anything." 
 
 The War Minister now being called upon to continue his re- 
 port, said : " Your militia, sir, which has always been considered 
 the backbone of your army gives us little or no consideration, and 
 it seems to get on very well without our interference. Whatever 
 care, attention, and patronage we have to spare we bestow it upon 
 your volunteers a most worthy body of men, costing you but 
 little ; not encumbered with too much equipment, and fed and 
 nourished almost entirely upon official butter, which is the cheapest 
 of all articles of food, on a recent occasion, sir, when you were 
 engaged in operations in Egypt." 
 
 " In Egypt ! " the Buccaneer exclaimed, and the hot words of 
 the gipsy came back upon him, and he was lost for a while in his 
 own moody thoughts. 
 
 For a time the War Minister spoke to deaf ears. "You bought 
 thousands of camels, and mules, and pack-saddles innumerable. 
 After the purchase was completed we were delighted to find that 
 these saddles were for the most part perfectly useless, as they 
 would not fit any animal in your possession, so we were enabled 
 to sell them at a considerable loss." 
 
I 9 o Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 "Is this right, Master Dogvane?" the Buccaneer asked, waking 
 
 up. 
 
 " It is quite constitutional, sir, and is the result of your peculiar 
 
 and long cherished system. I do not say that things would not 
 work better under a round hole for a round man plan ; but you 
 are so accustomed to the other that to change might be danger- 
 ous. It would certainly be revolutionary." 
 
 The War Minister continued. " In purchasing your stores, sir, 
 we also acted upon principle and custom. We gave as few orders 
 as possible to your own people ; but distributed them as evenly 
 as we could amongst your neighbours." 
 
 The Buccaneer was about to make a reply ; but Dogvane 
 nipped it in the bud by saying : " It is quite constitutional, sir/' 
 If this was so of course the old Sea King had nothing to say, for 
 he loved his constitution. 
 
 " Our beef and pork," said the War Minister, " we get from our 
 cousin, the cheap-Jack Jonathan. Our sauce we get from your 
 neighbour, Madame France." 
 
 " Do you remember what a neatly turned ankle she had, sir ? " 
 said Dogvane, who, like all sailors and not a few landsmen, had a 
 great admiration for the ladies. 
 
 "Our pickles," the War Minister continued, "we get from Ger- 
 many, and are of a well known brand, high flavoured and satisfy- 
 ing. As we are the very best tinkers in the world, our pots, pans, 
 and camp kettles we make and mend at home. We feed your 
 full-grown soldiers on worn-out draught-bullocks brought over 
 from Holland, and on the most delicious messes. We give them 
 a highly flavoured stew peculiar to the Ojabberaways. They have 
 had an abundance of Egyptian hash. This again has been varied 
 by a goodly supply of Indian curry, Afghan ragout, and a very 
 savoury mess peculiar to Burmah. I may just mention in passing, 
 that through the most creditable carelessness on the part of one 
 of your generals. we got rid of a very large number of camels, 
 which were slaughtered by the enemy ; thus saving us the trouble 
 and expense of their keep. For any other information I must re- 
 fer you to your Field Marshal." 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 191 
 
 Dogvane dismissed this official, praising him very much for the 
 state of his department. 
 
 When the distinguished soldier appeared, who was at the exe- 
 cutive head of the army, he stood in the attitude peculiar to 
 soldiers. His head was erect and every limb was rigid, and the 
 arms were extended by the side of the body, fingers straight and 
 closed on the thumbs, which were in a line with the seams of his 
 trousers. This is the easy and graceful attitude of military re- 
 spect as laid down by regulation. 
 
 " How, sir, is it that you have allowed my army so to deteriorate 
 that I have only one general ? " asked the Buccaneer, as he cast 
 upon his Field Marshal a look of pride. " At one time I could 
 count them by the scores." 
 
 " Sir, two kings cannot sit on one throne, and at present your 
 island is not sufficiently large to hold more than your only 
 general." 
 
 The Buccaneer showed extreme solicitude for the well being of 
 his only general, whose life was, of course, extremely precious, so 
 he exclaimed: " Field Marshal ! I command you on all occasions 
 to protect the life of my only general. Form yourself into a ram 
 part round him and save him from the bullets of my enemies. 
 Even as David in the days of old sent Uriah the Hittite to the 
 front of the battle, so send I you, should I be engaged in any 
 military operation either of an offensive or defensive nature." 
 
 The Field Marshal, commanding in chief, no doubt felt keenly 
 the very great confidence thus placed in him, though of course it 
 would not have been in keeping with the tradition of his profes- 
 sion to show any outward signs of exultation. 
 
 The captain of the watch, seeing the great concern that the 
 Buccaneer had on account of the dearth of generals, and knowing 
 his love for the Bible, tried to console him by saying : " Fear not 
 sir ! that Providence which shapes our ends, rough hew them as 
 we may, will find you with other generals, even as Abraham was 
 provided by Heaven with a ram in the bush." 
 
 Sometimes the most trivial circumstance will ward off the most 
 serious catastrophe, and the remark of Dogvane gave the old Sea 
 
192 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 King an opportunity to indulge in a little pleasantry. " A general 
 in the hand, Master Dogvane," he said, " is worth two in the 
 bush." Now, however small a joke may be, or indeed however 
 heavy and obscure, it is the duty of all subordinates to see it at 
 once, and to laugh at it immoderately. This was shown to an 
 eminent degree even in the Buccaneer's Courts of Justice, the 
 atmosphere of which was so charged with judicial gravity that the 
 slightest possible humour on the part of a judge was quite suffi- 
 cient to convulse the whole court and bar with laughter. The 
 Commander-in-chief being in uniform could not laugh as much as 
 he would have done, had he not been so buttoned up. It was 
 his duty to appreciate the joke of the Buccaneer, and in a matter 
 of duty the Field Marshal was never found wanting. Dogvane 
 laughed as immoderately as if the joke had been his own. The 
 clouds having been dispelled by merry peals of laughter the Buc- 
 caneer asked if his soldiers were as "good as those who fought at 
 Ramillies and Waterloo ; these being two of the Buccaneer's 
 most famous battles. The Field Marshal was obliged to answer 
 this officially. He said that as far as brute strength and physical 
 force were concerned, that perhaps the soldier of to-day was not 
 quite equal to the soldier of the past ; " but," he added, " what 
 he has lost in stature and chest measurement he has gained in 
 morality and sobriety. The men of Ramillies drank deeply, and 
 those of Flanders swore terribly hard, so we are told ; no doubt 
 on account of some peculiarity in the climate ; but now, sir, by 
 the force of my own good example I have done very much to- 
 wards stamping out the pernicious habit of making use of bad 
 language from amongst your soldiers." 
 
 " So I have heard," replied the Buccaneer, " and it does you 
 extreme credit." What a gross iniquity to call so good a man as 
 our Buccaneer a psalm-singing, old humbug ! It only shows 
 what a hold envy, hatred, uncharitableness, and even malice, have 
 upon the human mind. 
 
 " Field Marshal ! " said the Buccaneer, addressing the Com- 
 mander-in-chief, " you have done well, and it is my intention to 
 reward you. I can bestow upon you no greater title than you at 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 193 
 
 present possess, and of income you have ample, so I cannot 
 increase that ; but knowing how much you have at heart the 
 welfare of the profession which you yourself so much adorn, I 
 wish to give you some mark of my high esteem and favour. I 
 therefore command Dogvane, that my army be at once increased 
 by one man and two boys." 
 
 Hearing this the Commander-in-Chief was overcome with emo- 
 tion, and Dogvane said, " My master is indeed generous. I am 
 myself much against bloated armaments ; but still it is as well to 
 strike at times a little awe into our neighbours, who are always 
 peacocking about Europe, and they will respect us all the more. 
 With this increase, and the aid of our reserves, and our brave 
 auxiliaries, our army will be placed on a war-footing. No doubt 
 all this will not be without its effect upon the Eastern Bandit, 
 and will assist King Hokee in his undertaking." 
 
CHAPTER XXXV. 
 
 IN spite of what Will Dogvane had said to the contrary there was 
 discontent in the Buccaneer's island. Now the sound was far 
 away ; now it surged up and dashed against the old gentleman's 
 ears like the angry surf upon the sea-shore. It is necessary to 
 make some little mention yet of the cause of this disaffection. 
 His toilers and his moilers were undoubtedly very much better 
 off than what they had been, and considerably better off than 
 those of many of his neighbours. They earned more wages, and 
 worked less hours, and in recent years wages had increased nearly 
 twofold ; but it must be owned that they were less thrifty, and 
 loved too well their pewter pot. His population, however, had 
 increased to such an extent, and other nations had entered into 
 such competition with him, producing many things as good and 
 as cheap, and even very much cheaper, that he had lost the con- 
 trol over the markets of the world, consequently many even of 
 the skilled hands were idle, and for the unskilled, the weakly, 
 and the sick, their case was still harder, yet every mouth had to 
 be fed, and every body clothed. All kinds of medicines were 
 prescribed by the multitude of doctors, who were forever trying 
 to treat the disease. Then behind those above alluded to there 
 came a gang who would only work at cutting throats and picking 
 pockets, and who were always ready to join in any cry, or any 
 movement, that might tend to advance their particular calling. 
 
 The carpenter had addressed the family of Hodge on more 
 occasions than one, and he had told them that they were the 
 most pathetic figure in the whole of the Buccaneer's social system, 
 for that they were condemned to unremitting toil, with only the 
 poor-house before them. Alas ! that the cry should ever come 
 from honest Hodge that all he asked for was work. This poor 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 195 
 
 fellow does commend himself to the sympathy and compassion of 
 all ; for the sunniest side of his life is to work with bent back 
 and horny hands from sun-rise to sun-down. But he was not the 
 most pathetic figure in the Buccaneer's island. Behind him 
 Poverty came struggling along, and with barely food enough to 
 keep body and soul together, brought forth and increased without 
 the slightest thought for the morrow. Pity was forever trying to 
 help her, and over her sad lot she shed an abundance of tears. 
 The old coxswain tried to reason with her ; but all to no purpose, 
 she clung to her wretched hovels and held on her own way. 
 Nature took her in hand occasionally, and taught her a lesson in 
 a rough and ready fashion. Our universal mother is not soft- 
 hearted, and she never spoils her children by sparing the rod, so 
 when Poverty's family becomes overcrowded, she works off the 
 surplus by disease, when the guilty and the innocent suffer alike. 
 Is not Mercy to be seen standing in the back ground ? 
 
 The old Buccaneer thought to find some healing power in the 
 fruit taken from the tree of knowledge, so that Poverty's children 
 partaking thereof might learn somewhat of the blessings of thrift, 
 temperance, industry, and self-denial. But is not the fruit of this 
 tree somewhat like that flower of which a celebrated friar once 
 
 said: 
 
 " Within the infant rind of this small flower, 
 Poison hath residence, and medicine power." 
 
 In the above nature of things lay the root of very much of the 
 discontent. The tools lay ready for the worker's hands. The 
 worker being that human wind bag, called an agitator ; one who 
 would find fault with the order of things even in heaven itself. 
 
 This wind bag is forever holding up before the eyes of his 
 dupes a picture painted in the most gorgeous colours ; plenty 
 without labour, and a general basking in the sunshine of idleness. 
 He points the finger at wealth, and cries out with a loud voice, 
 " There lies the cure for all your suffering ; see how high above 
 your heads the rich man looks. Go take, eat and be merry, to- 
 day live, for to-morrow you die." To the empty stomach, and the 
 ragged back this doctrine has a pleasant sound. Neither is it 
 
196 ^ Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 without its effect upon that large multitude who have to earn a 
 scanty living by the sweat of their brow. The uncertainty of the 
 daily bread ; the fear of sickness, and the cry of hungry children 
 open the ears sometimes even of the well disposed. Then 
 amongst many other things, man is by nature a lazy animal, and 
 will not work except in rare instances, unless necessity compels 
 him. Take the noble savage of whom honourable mention has 
 already been made. He only hunts by compulsion ; for want of 
 food in fact, which, having found, he lies down and sleeps, and 
 idles his time away until necessity prods him in the stomach 
 again, and sends him off to his happy hunting grounds. Man is 
 the same wherever found, and if anybody will provide him with 
 food and clothes, without any exertion on his part he will not say 
 him nay, nor will he show much gratitude. He will soon learn 
 to look upon it as a right. 
 
 There were a good many kind-hearted people in the Buccaneer's 
 island who were doing all they could to develop and foster this 
 innate love of idleness. Already the people had their food for the 
 mind given to them free of charge in the shape of free libraries, 
 and soon the cry for free food for the body might be expected to rise 
 up all over the land, to be followed in due course by a demand 
 for community of property. This, indeed, was already being 
 whispered about. It is an unmitigated evil to take from the in- 
 dividual the responsibility of keeping himself, and bringing up 
 his family. He will not work if you do, and the train of poverty 
 becomes increased, and there is no limit to the extension. As 
 the Devil even is supposed at times to quote Scripture, so do the 
 wind bags, who play upon the wants of the people, frequently 
 base their doctrine of universal plunder upon the teachings of 
 Christ. But did not a small band of early Christians try this 
 share and share alike principle ? But it did not answer, and see 
 what has come of it. The pomp, magnificence, splendour and 
 wealth of the Roman Catholic Hierarchy with its Priest-King. 
 Who too would think that the^ pride and majesty of the Buc- 
 caneer's State Chuich with its High Priest clothed in temporal 
 as well as spiritual power took its rise from the teachings of Him, 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 197 
 
 who gathered on the shores of the sea of Galilee a few simple 
 and faithful disciples to whom He preached the doctrine of 
 humility, chastity, poverty, and love, and a charity as bountiful as 
 the rain which falls from heaven on flowers and weeds alike- 
 Bid He not say to them " Provide neither gold nor silver," nor 
 brass in your purses, nor scrip for your journey, neither'two coats, 
 neither shoes, nor yet staves ; for the workman is worthy of his 
 meat?" Ah! the meat, sometimes called hire; there lies the 
 rock upon which so many run, and their frail barks are shivered to 
 pieces ; allured to their destruction by the songs of a siren called 
 Mammon. 
 
 But the priest he has a stomacrTas well as the layman. He has 
 a back too which must be covered, and he has his many other 
 wants that must be attended to. One has taken to himself a wife, 
 and he would fain have his Lord excuse him, on her account. 
 Another has many children who have to be fed, clothed, and 
 taught, and put out into the world. Then things have changed 
 since the days even of St. Paul. Wages have very much in- 
 creased, and around religion there has grown surroundings that 
 must be attended to for the sake of the uncrowned queen 
 Respectability. Ask not how all these mighty things have been 
 brought about. Without doubt, the Buccaneer's High Priest or 
 anyone of his learned ecclesiastics could explain all to you in a 
 most satisfactory manner. They would tell you how the Scrip- 
 tures have to be construed to suit the needs of modern Christians. 
 The mighty " This " has he contracted and the small " That " has 
 to be stretched ; but so long as an orthodox priest sits upon the 
 box of your coach and four, it matters little where, and through 
 what he drives. 
 
 Briefly, it may be said, that community of property has no charm 
 except for that class of a community known by the name of 
 rogues and vagabonds. Then, as if the very Devil was in it, the 
 Buccaneer's women were beginning to cry out for more liberty, and 
 disaffection seemed to have taken a strong hold upon the female 
 breast. The advanced portion of these wanted to overturn the 
 present order of things, and to put up in its place, a sort of Hen 
 
198 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 Convention in which women were to have equal rights and ap- 
 parently man's privileges as well as their own. To tell these 
 women that they had a sphere, was merely to excite their ridicule, 
 and court their contempt. But the strangeness of the thing was, 
 that while the men were crying out because they had not work 
 sufficient to keep them in many cases from starving, the women 
 wanted to increase the difficulty still more by entering the same 
 fields of labour. Of course poor women must live, and if men 
 are so selfish that they will not keep them in the Holy bonds of 
 matrimony, why, the women must keep themselves. It is true 
 that the men did show an indisposition to set upon their hearth a 
 rival, who instead of attending to domestic duties, might give 
 them a political lecture or a discourse upon either ethics, philo- 
 sophy, or science. The women too out-numbered the men ; 
 spinsters growing more numerous every day, and as it is well- 
 known that the mortality amongst the males of all species is far 
 greater than that amongst the females, on account of the greater 
 risk they run, the above evil might be expected to increase rather 
 than diminish, unless nature took the matter in hand and balanced 
 matters by an epidemic amongst the women. But as matters now 
 stood, the conspiracy amongst the Buccaneer's female sex bid fair 
 to be far more serious than that of the cook's caboose. 
 
 It has been said that the man who allows a woman to usurp 
 his authority is in a pitiful condition, for that it shows he has 
 lost somewhat of his manhood. One thing is certain, the woman 
 he has to live with will not respect him, and it is more than pro- 
 bable that she will take the earliest opportunity to show her con- 
 tempt. It is still worse when this applies not to an individual 
 here and there, but to the majority of a people. 
 
 What voice is that crying out that we insult the whole of 
 womanhood ? Good lady, if you cast aside your bodkin, and 
 take up the weapons that have hitherto been considered as 
 peculiar to man, you must not cry out when you feel yourself in- 
 jured. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. "A foolish 
 woman is clamorous ; but a good woman retaineth honour." So 
 said one, who is accounted the wisest man that ever lived, 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 199 
 
 It does not appear that the true position of woman in the 
 world's economy has yet been clearly defined. She was once 
 man's slave. She is now supposed, in all civilised countries, to 
 be his helpmate and companion, and in the Buccaneer's island 
 she showed a strong disposition to become his rival. Poetry has 
 assigned to her a place amongst the angels ; reality, on the other 
 hand, has frequently given her a place amongst the devils. Then 
 again she is supposed to be weak and fragile, but though she may 
 not be able to walk a mile in pure fresh air, she will dance many, 
 and several nights a week in the fetid atmosphere of a ball-room. 
 Although she takes little or no healthy exercise, the general 
 woman's appetite is good if not absolutely robust, and although 
 they are all more or less invalids, they generally outlive man. A 
 recent philosopher amongst the Buccaneer's people had said, when 
 speaking of woman, that though eminently adapted to that posi- 
 tion for which God apparently intended her, she is not from her 
 constitution and make, adapted to take man's place in the world, 
 and by attempting such a thing all concerned must lose. Un- 
 fortunately, the Buccaneer's advanced women did not seem to see 
 this, and they seemed disposed to quarrel with the work of our 
 Creator. The woman's character is conflicting. When she is 
 drawn by her sister, she does not at times appear in too beautiful 
 colours ; for she is frequently depicted as vain, silly, jealous, 
 weak, cruel and revengeful, often kissing the sister she intends to 
 stab, and in this resembling somewhat those reptiles which slobber 
 over the victim they intend to devour. But is it the model or the 
 artist who is at fault ? 
 
 From history we learn that the presence of woman upon the earth 
 has not been an unmixed blessing, for she seems to have caused 
 as much sorrow as ever she has joy, and the estimation in which 
 she was held in ancient Biblical times is pretty well manifested by 
 the author of the Mosaic Cosmogony, who attributes to her the 
 damnation of the whole human race. Through her first act of 
 disobedience man first tasted of the cup of misery, and she has 
 been holding the cup to his lips ever since. Constituted as 
 woman is, was it not cruel to place an injunction on that fatal 
 
2OO Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 tree ? for, tell a woman not to do a thing and she is pretty certain 
 to do it. Of course our first father did not act over honourably. 
 If he had been imbued with the principles of modern chivalry he 
 would have screened Eve ; have sworn, perhaps, that she was not 
 at all to blame, and finished up by flinging the apple at the 
 tempter's head. But man ever had, and always will have an 
 ungodly stomach, and so Adam took the apple and did eat. 
 Notwithstanding the chivalry aforesaid it is generally believed 
 that there are more Adams in the world now than what there are 
 Josephs, and if the trial of the apple came over again, man would 
 fall even as he fell before, though he were to be ten times more 
 damned. It is a thousand and one pities that the arch Fiend did 
 not wait until Eve had become a little old and ugly, for then 
 Adam might have refused the apple and the whole human race 
 might have been saved. 
 
 The Essenes would not marry, not because they denied the 
 validity of the institution or its necessity, but because they were 
 convinced of the artfulness and fickleness of the female sex. 
 Then again, the Buddhist believed, if he does not believe, that 
 no woman could attain a state of supreme perfection. The 
 accomplished woman becomes man. 
 
 Read where we will, and what we will, and let us bend our steps 
 whither we like, and we find that woman is generally believed to 
 be at the bottom of everything. We are told that Metellus 
 Numidicus, the censor, acknowledged to the Roman people in a 
 public oration that had kind nature allowed us to exist without 
 the help of women, we should be delivered from a very trouble- 
 some companion. But, though man still growls, poets still sing 
 about woman, lovely woman, and though man sometimes finds 
 her a devil, painters still depict her in the form of an angel, and man's 
 imagination fills heaven with beings in her shape and likeness. 
 
 To be just ; has not woman somewhat to complain of? Was 
 she not made after man, and, as some think, of the refuse material ? 
 Then again has she not been sent into the world with, on an 
 average, five ounces less brains than the allowance given to man ? 
 And has she not, from the very beginning, been obliged to bear 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 201 
 
 patiently, and for the most part with meekness, all these slights 
 and insults ? And to finish, was she not made as a meet and 
 fitting companion for man ? Who will be so impious as to say 
 that she was spoilt in the making? Alas ! we cannot do without 
 her ; no matter how uncomfortable we may at times be with 
 her ; and a smile, or a tear, on a pretty face will blot out and 
 efface all the splutterings that fall from the pen of ill nature. 
 
 What man is there who has not created in his mind some 
 womanly idol, and here often lies the misfortune ; for idols will 
 fall and break into thousands of pieces ; but until the catastrophe 
 happens, we worship at our shrine and look upon fair forms with 
 heavenly faces ; bright radiance is shed over every feature, and we 
 are in an atmosphere free from all impurity. We look up to and 
 adore a being whose soul is never clouded by a base thought ; 
 whose chaste and cherry lips never give utterance to a tainted 
 word. One who can be pure without being a prude ; gentle and 
 charitable without there being a suspicion even of foolishness ; 
 one who can be sensible without being masculine, and innocent 
 without being a vain and frivolous idiot. 
 
 Do I dream ? Hush then ! do not wake me. Let me wander 
 on, if only for a brief space in the realms of fancy. I will build 
 for myself castles, and will people them with fair fantasies. What 
 lovely faces do I see ! fit indexes for pure and intelligent minds. 
 Complexions never touched by the paint soiled fingers of Art, but 
 as delicate as the petals of a lily, with the faint blush of the 
 setting sun resting upon them, the whole crowned with a woman's 
 glory dipped in sunshine and not in dye. What lovely forms, 
 clothed in silver sheen and girdled with golden belts made in the 
 armoury of the King of Day ! 
 
CHAPTER XXXVI. 
 
 THE Buccaneer not being able to obtain any reliable information, 
 for reasons already mentioned, and the voice of the disaffected 
 becoming louder and louder every day, he determined to hold a 
 grand court, when ail grievances could be made known, and all 
 wrongs if possible redressed. 
 
 When old Dogvane heard of this fresh departure of his master 
 from the beaten paths of custom, he was very much disturbed- 
 "What, my master!" he said, "take the muzzle off people's 
 mouths ? Rest assured, sir, that wherever there are human beings, 
 there will be discord and discontent, which, if encouraged, will 
 soon break through the bounds of moderation and flood the 
 whole country. Think you, sir, there is a single one in all your 
 realms who looks upon himself as well treated, though for many 
 of them hanging would be too good ? Say but the word and 
 every molehill of discontent will be turned into a mountain of no 
 mean size." 
 
 It was of no use, the Buccaneer had made up his mind, so the 
 proclamation was sent out and vast preparations were made. 
 There was soon great commotion all along the hard. People 
 busy, and a constant running to and fro. Loads of timber were 
 brought and placed all ready for the carpenter's hands. There 
 was very much sawing, chiselling and hammering from early 
 morning until late at night. Bit by bit a huge structure was built 
 up just in front of the old Constitution public house, which was, 
 for the time, quite hidden from view by the tiers of seats, which 
 commencing from a low dais or platform, rose up to a consider- 
 able height behind, being as high indeed as the roofs of the tallest 
 houses. On the dais and in the centre, there was placed a chair 
 of State, and the seats immediately behind this were of superior 
 
Life of a Celebrated Biiccaneer. 203 
 
 make and were draped with crimson cloth of superior quality. 
 The awning overhead was of cloth of gold, and banners were fixed 
 in every suitable place, while tall flag poles reared their heads and 
 displayed a cloud of different coloured bunting. Flags of every 
 nation were to be seen, and altogether it was a noble sight. Then 
 all the windows along the hard were dressed out gaily, and 
 festoons of natural and unnatural flowers were hung about from 
 poles, windows, and roofs. The old Ship of State was decked in 
 holiday attire, and flags fluttered in the breeze from her mast heads 
 down to the very water's edge. It was indeed a noble sight to 
 see the Buccaneer's two ships, and his chief city thus arrayed. 
 
 The day at length dawned that was to witness this wonderful 
 pageantry. Almost as soon as the first ray of light peeped over 
 the head of departing night crowds of people began to assemble. 
 The old Ship of State fired her morning gun. and the ship along- 
 side of her called all the pious Buccaneers to prayer, and hymns 
 rose up on the morning dew. 
 
 The leaders of the disaffected began to marshal their respective 
 bands. There was the sound of music, for on such occasions, 
 people can not get on without it. It soothes the savage beast, so 
 it is said, and it other ways does good. Curious idlers with open 
 mouths, full of wonder, passed to and fro, for such a sight had 
 never been seen before. 
 
 The hour came for the great march past to begin, and Liberty, 
 who was the mistress of the ceremonies, was trying with very 
 great difficulty to keep her motley crowd in order. The brazen- 
 throated trumpets now brayed out the notice of the approach of 
 the great Buccaneer, or fighting trader. How he now styled him- 
 self will be shortly seen. With slow and stately step the great 
 man walked, preceded by his lion and followed immediately by 
 his trusty coxswain old Jack Commonsense, who was got up, re- 
 gardless of expense, for the occasion. The Buccaneer walked 
 between walls of his subjects, and listened, no doubt, with ex- 
 treme pleasure to their shouts of welcome and delight. To see 
 the great is at all times a gratifying spectacle, when the treat is 
 not repeated too often. After the Buccaneer had passed his 
 
2O4 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 people and had taken his place in the chair of state, they began 
 to make their comments. " Ah ! " said some, " he is not the man 
 he was." "Yes, yes," cried others, "he is indeed sorely changed. 
 See how gingerly he treads ; how fat he has grown ; he is terribly 
 out of condition. Did you notice, too, that his lion has lost most 
 of his teeth ? " It could not be denied that the bold Buccaneer's 
 step was not as elastic as it used to be. He was not the gay, 
 rollicking, hard hitting old sailor that he was in days of yore. 
 Luxury had begun to mark him as her own, and much energy of 
 action is never found in her train. He looked puffy and bloated, 
 and altogether, as some of his people said, out of condition. A 
 voice from the crowd exclaimed that a good healthy skunk would 
 be far more serviceable than that old lion. It was the cheap- 
 Jack Jonathan. It was wonderful how he tried to pass off that 
 skunk of his upon other people; all of whom had no doubt plenty 
 of skunks of their own. But Jonathan was such a boastful 
 fellow that he would not be beaten even in a matter of 
 skunks. 
 
 Behind the Buccaneer came a numerous retinue of priests, 
 ministers; soldiers, sailors, statesmen, officials of every degree and 
 parasites of all kinds and descriptions, for, of course, so great a 
 man could not be without his fair share of these human insects to 
 feed upon him. The Buccaneer having taken his seat, with his 
 coxswain standing behind his chair, the numerous and splendid 
 retinue filed on to the platform and took up their respective 
 places behind. First of all came the Lords Spiritual and then 
 the Lords Temporal, and then the rest of the goodly company, 
 according to their rank and condition. Just as everything was 
 ready there was a slight confusion caused by an angry discussion 
 between a pimp and a parasite about the order of precedence ; 
 but the dispute was happily settled without bloodshed. Both 
 watches were, of course, present on so great an occasion, and 
 amongst the rest were the conspirators of the cook's caboose. 
 The magnificence of the assemblage was gorgeous in the extreme, 
 and dazzling, for all wore their robes of state. Jonathan thought 
 he saw a favourable opportunity of doing a little business, so he 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 205 
 
 began to offer blue spectacles of a cheap make, and at a seductively 
 moderate price to the assembled multitude. 
 
 Many shouts rose up as some well-known personage passed to 
 his place, and to save trouble Dogvane kept on bowing acknowledg- 
 ments for all. Pepper, the cook, who sat between Billy Cheeks 
 and Chips, with the man who had been thrown overboard on one 
 occasion, just behind him, tried very hard to make himself big 
 enough to attract public notice; but he was only partially success- 
 ful. Just in front of the platform, but off it, there was a railed-in 
 space for the Press, to the members of which the Buccaneer was 
 obliged, as has been already stated, to be particularly civil, for if 
 affronted, not only would they turn upon him and lecture him, 
 but they would abuse him plentifully into the bargain. They all 
 had in front of them their pots of ink, coloured according to the 
 party they served. Better kill a plenipotentiary than hurt one of 
 these gentlemen by an unguarded expression. The Beggar 
 Woman, though no doubt somewhere amongst the crowd, was 
 not conspicuous on this occasion. 
 
 Silence was ordered, and prayer was said, and hymns of praise 
 were sung. The greatness and the goodness of the Buccaneer 
 were set to sacred music, and the singers also glorified themselves 
 while they glorified their master. The High Priest then asked 
 the Ruler of all things to take this most respectable and pious 
 Buccaneer under His especial protection, and through His priest- 
 hood to bless him; to confound his enemies; to make him happy, 
 prosperous and glorious, and a few other things scarcely worth 
 the mentioning, but which would materially increase his joy in 
 this world. In the end, he asked that the Buccaneer might, 
 through his Church, obtain a good inheritance in the Kingdom of 
 Heaven. After this light spiritual refection the Buccaneer ex- 
 perienced that gentle calm which piety and respectability alone 
 can give, and that inner consciousness, which at all times so grati- 
 fied him, namely, that he was so much better than any of his 
 neighbours, and all those who did not walk along his road to 
 heaven. He was now quite ready for business. 
 
 A very high state official, who was robed in cloth of gold of 
 
206 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 superior quality and make, and whose back and front were covered 
 with heraldic devices, now blew" a long and loud blast upon a 
 brazen trumpet, he then cried out in a loud voice : " Listen all 
 ye whom it may concern. Know ye then that the most illustri- 
 ous, potent, and powerful Sea King (thus he was styled in all 
 official documents), the mighty ruler of an empire, upon which 
 the sun never sets, the keeper of the keys of Heaven, the defender 
 of the only true Faith, having heard that some few of his liege 
 subjects, consider themselves in some trifling matters aggrieved, has 
 been most graciously pleased to hold this grand court at this time 
 assembled, so that grievances may be heard and wrongs redressed. 
 May God bless our great Sea King ! " The last few words were 
 merely a matter of form, because it was well known that the Buc- 
 caneer and all his people were the Lord's anointed. The trum- 
 pets again sounded and the procession, or march past, of the 
 disaffected was ordered to begin; but now another grave difficulty 
 arose; who was to lead? The mistress cf the ceremonies, follow- 
 ing a time-honoured custom, was for bringing on the ladies first, 
 but a noisy lot of Ojabberaways declared that their burden of 
 oppression was so great as to do away with all traditions, and that 
 unless they were allowed to have their own way, no business 
 should be done. 
 
 Nothing, perhaps, showed the unfortunate state into which 
 things had been allowed to pass, than the extreme licence which 
 the Ojabberaways were allowed to have. They had been given 
 an inch and they had taken the proverbial ell. A small tribe of 
 people, headed by a small band of paid patriots, who reaped a 
 rich harvest out of the disaffection of their countrymen, was 
 allowed to obstruct all business and dictate to the great Sea King 
 or Buccaneer, what he was to do, and how and at what time he 
 was to do it. All this was the handiwork of Madam Liberty, 
 who used Dogvane and a few of his watch, to carry out her 
 designs. 
 
 Even Dogvane had said that he must be clothed with sufficient 
 authority to enable him to rule this obstreperous people, but 
 Dogvane had veered round a little ; and under his protection the 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 207 
 
 Ojabberaways had become a perfect nuisance, doing very much 
 as they liked. 
 
 They gained their point, and with a wild yell, peculiar to their 
 country, and as blood curdling as the cry of the savage when his 
 hand grasps the scalp of an enemy, they came on. Some had on 
 masks \ some carried blunderbusses, while others, under their 
 coats, concealed the dagger of the assassin, and the cartridge of 
 the dynamitard. On they came, dragging, with ropes round their 
 necks, a lot of unfortunates whose general bearing and appearance 
 showed that they had seen better days. These poor gentlemen 
 for gentlemen they were had the misfortune to own land in the 
 green and fertile isle of the Ojabberaways, some indeed had Ojab- 
 beraway blood in their veins ; but they belonged to the hated 
 class called landlords, and their chief crime was, that owning land, 
 they expected their tenants to pay rents. 
 
 No doubt, in the past, injuries had been done and very much 
 injustice. They may have been hard and even grinding, and 
 even now there might be some amongst them who were not a 
 credit to their class ; but that scarcely justified a refusal to fulfil 
 all legal contracts. Their fathers no doubt did many wrongs, 
 lived beyond their means, and ground, in many cases, their 
 tenants down, for there never was an Ojabberaway who could live 
 within his means. 
 
 " What is our crime ? " cried the captives ; " what sins have we 
 committed ? " 
 
 " What sins have ye committed ? " cried the Ojabberaways, in 
 turn. " It's mighty short memories ye have, and eyesight too, for 
 the matter of that. What are your crimes ? Have ye not ground 
 the finest peasantry in the world down under your feet ? And if 
 it was not you, then it was your fathers, or your grandfathers, or 
 your great grandfathers." They then turned to the Buccaneer : 
 " We want to be rid of these land-grabbers, these blood-suckers." 
 
 " What is your grievance against them ? " the Buccaneer asked. 
 
 " Our grievance ! Grievance is it ? " they replied. " By the 
 Holy Powers, our country is thick with them. Are we not a 
 down-trodden race ? Has not the foot of the conqueror been 
 
208 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 upon our necks for ages past ? It's a forgetful memory that 
 perhaps ye have ? " 
 
 " In the"past," the Buccaneer said, " injury may have been 
 done to you, but ample amends have now been made ; and I rule 
 you with the same laws as I do my other people. What more, in 
 reason, can you ask ? " 
 
 " We want no laws of your making. We ask that the last link 
 of the chain that binds us to you may be broken. We demand 
 our independence." 
 
 Now one of the victims spoke : " We have our rights too," he 
 said, addressing the Buccaneer, " and we claim your protection. 
 For many years we have been your garrison and we are a law- 
 abiding people. We have been faithful and loyal to you ; will 
 you then see us dragged before you with ropes round our necks, 
 and with hands tied behind our backs ? Is this to be the reward 
 of our loyalty ? We ask for what is the birthright of the meanest of 
 your citizens, protection for our lives and for our own property." 
 
 Thus it went on, and ground that had been trodden over often 
 and often before, was trodden over again. The difficulty was now 
 to get rid of this section of the disaffected, for the members 
 showed a disposition to become squatters and take entire pos- 
 session of the situation. But some divinely-inspired individual 
 raised the cry that there was a free fight going on in an adjacent 
 neighbourhood and so the difficulty was overcome and the Ojab- 
 beraways disappeared as if by magic. 
 
 The ladies now were ushered in, but again there was a slight 
 delay arising out of a dispute about a matter of precedence. A 
 woman will suffer almost any indignity rather than that of being 
 put in a position lower than that to which she thinks herself 
 entitled, and it is probable that in many cases a woman would 
 rather go to the devil in her proper place than to Heaven out of 
 it. The matter was settled and Madam Liberty ushered in Miss 
 Progress. She was by no means attractive, and in her dress 
 she aped somewhat the man. She prided herself upon her intelli- 
 gence and looked with disdain upon things usually considered to 
 belong peculiarly to the female sex. This advanced lady showed 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 209 
 
 none of the modesty or timidity usually found in women. In a 
 voice loud and clear she said : " I claim for women equal rights 
 with men. By brute force we have been kept under and we now 
 demand our freedom. Man has made us his hewers of wood and 
 his drawers of water ; the cookers of his food and the sewer on of 
 his buttons and the nurser of his squalling brats. Is woman 
 never to rise superior to such a base position ? Is she for ever to 
 be a slave, at man's beck and call ? Away with such a thought ! 
 We demand equal rights and equal voice in all matters, for we 
 are man's equals, and no longer will we live under laws made by 
 man for the benefit of man. We will board yonder ships. Our 
 voice shall be heard in your councils, and our voice shall ring out 
 from your pulpits." 
 
 This language was comprehensive and bold. Some amongst 
 the grand company gave signs of approval. Then a dead silence 
 followed, which was broken by the old cox'sn, who having first of 
 all hitched up his trousers, exclaimed : " Mates, I thank my stars 
 that my lower rigging keeps up without buttons." Just as Miss 
 Progress was again going to begin, old Jack cried out : " Vast 
 heaving, my hearty ! " This familiar language on the part of a 
 common sailor very much annoyed the lady, who, fixing her 
 spectacles full upon the cox'sn, asked him who he was. " I am 
 not surprised, miss, at your asking the question. Now, it's no 
 use beating about the bush, and as, miss, you wish to be on an 
 equal footing with man and to rub shoulder to shoulder with him 
 in your daily life, you must not be too tender-skinned, and you 
 will not mind the plain language of an honest sailor. You ask 
 me who I am ? I am Jack Commonsense, very much at your 
 service, miss, and with your permission I will return the compli- 
 ment and ask you a question. How about your lower rig- 
 ging?" 
 
 "My lower rigging," cried Miss Progress, "what does the 
 vulgar fellow mean ? " 
 
 "Well, miss," Jack replied, "petticoats are all very well in 
 their way, and many a brave and honest lad has run ashore on 
 'em before now and become a total wreck ; but petticoats do 
 
 o 
 
2io Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 hamper a person a bit, and they ain't the sort of things to go aloft 
 in, in a gale of wind." 
 
 " Who want's to go aloft, pray ? " Miss Progress asked. 
 
 " Well, miss," Jack answered ; " you must take the rough with 
 the smooth, and if you are going to be man's equal, you must do 
 your fair share of man's work, and must not cry out if you lose 
 your place in the social order and in man's estimation. Some of 
 you are even now crying out that man does not treat you with the 
 consideration that he used to. The fault lies at your own door. 
 Who is going to take all the blows and hard knocks ; and who is 
 going to do all the fighting ? " 
 
 " Man, of course," replied Miss Progress, " it it his province, 
 his sphere." 
 
 " But has not woman her sphere ? But let that fly stick to 
 the wall ; duty first and pleasure after. As to the fighting, 
 miss ; many people think that that spirit is not altogether absent 
 from the female breast. Many go so far as to think that the apple 
 which Eve gave to Adam was flavoured strongly with discord. 
 Never a row yet, so some say, that a woman was not at the bottom 
 of it. Put your helm down, miss, and go about ; you and your 
 likes are on the wrong tack. No good ever came yet from a 
 crowing hen ; and a maid that whistles ain't likely to be a credit 
 to her family." 
 
 The Buccaneer complimented the cox'sn very much and 
 hoped that his language would find favour amongst the ladies. 
 Many of the grand company had dropped off to slumber ; others 
 were eagerly engaged in discussions amongst themselves as to 
 whether it would be a good party stroke to take up the ladies. 
 Many were for it and old Dogvane, it was thought, was amongst 
 the number. Miss Progress was by no means satisfied and de- 
 clared that woman's sphere was very much too narrow. The 
 cox'sn, being encouraged by his master's approval, attacked Miss 
 Progress again in good earnest. " Look'e here, miss," he cried, 
 "your sphere is large enough if you will only do your duty in it; 
 but as is well-known a bad workman always finds fault with his 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 2 1 1 
 
 tools. If you try to be man's rival in the world you will come off 
 second best." Many thought that old Jack would before long be 
 in troubled waters ; but he marched boldly on. " Woman," he 
 cried out, " has a noble sphere. Let her study to be a good 
 companion for man. Let her aim in life be to make his home 
 comfortable, and his children happy, useful, and good. That, my 
 hearty, is a woman's sphere." 
 
 Miss Progress explained to the deaf ears of the grand company 
 that she was single, and the Buccaneer, by way of enlivening the 
 proceedings, asked his cox'sn if he would not take Miss Pro- 
 gress in marriage ; but old Jack declined with many thanks, and 
 he told the lady in brutally plain language that spinsters were 
 likely to increase if many women followed in her wake. Then 
 speaking at the whole sex, through the lady before him, he ex- 
 claimed : " Too many of you are gadders about, and are to be 
 found everywhere but in your own homes. A good, thrifty, 
 cheerful, and pleasant housewife is a thing of the past. Too 
 many women in the lower walks of life by neglecting their first 
 duty, drive their husbands to the fireside of the pot-house, and 
 their children to their workhouse." 
 
 Other of the Buccaneer's women now came forward. One 
 wanted to banish vice from the streets by the strong arm of the 
 law. She drew attention to what she called the gross immorality 
 of the age, and had she had her way she would have shut up half 
 the theatres, or turned them into churches; and have burned 
 most of the light literature of the day. Perhaps this would have 
 been no disadvantage. She also would have dressed all the nude 
 figures in the Buccaneer's several academies, leaving nothing but 
 her own bare shoulders of an evening to offend the eyes of 
 modesty. The female mind does at times go to strange extremes. 
 Another peculiarity of the Buccaneer's people was that most of 
 the racy light literature in his tight little island was written by the 
 women, and how they became so well acquainted with the shady 
 side of human nature was a mystery. But genius can explain all 
 things. There is only one thing to be said against driving vice 
 from the streets by the strong arm of the law. She is so very 
 
212 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 likely to find shelter in private houses, when the purity of the 
 domestic hearth would probably suffer. 
 
 After this lady came another who wanted the Buccaneer to 
 banish from his realms all violent death. She said : " To furnish 
 your idle sons with sport, birds are slaughtered, and hares and 
 foxes are cruelly chased to death." 
 
 " Young hounds must be blooded," the Buccaneer said. 
 
 " Under the cloak of science," the lady continued, " animals are 
 cruelly tortured, under the inhuman plea that man is to benefit. 
 Then men love to see cocks spur each other to death, while dogs 
 are allowed to fight amongst themselves and worry cats in the 
 public streets, without any interference on the part of the brutal 
 police." The lady finished up by asking the Buccaneer to banish 
 all violent death from the island, and thus set a good example to 
 the rest of the world. " Let the butcher die," she cried, " rather 
 than his innocent unoffending victims." 
 
 All eyes were turned upon Billy Cheeks, the burly butcher of 
 the Starboard Watch, and many pitied him, and the cook who 
 was a merry man, said to his friend in a jesting manner : " Billy ! 
 old fellow, it was not for nothing that you had that nervous 
 attack in my galley, but cheer up, you are not dead yet" 
 
 The Buccaneer now began to talk the matter over with his 
 trusty friend, who said, "Well, yer honour, only speaking for 
 myself, I don't like meat that dies a natural death, though no 
 doubt your butchers will be glad enough to sell it. Indeed, some 
 of them will do it now when they can." 
 
 Here a pale-faced, solemn, and even miserable-looking man 
 exclaimed : " Why partake of animal food \vhich brutalizes, when 
 a bountiful Providence has placed at your hand a vegetable king- 
 dom ? Eat, I would say, of the crumbs that fall from the celestial 
 pantry." 
 
 Both the Buccaneer and his cox'sn declared that they did not 
 see how they were going to make a good square meal out of such 
 a diet, upon which the last speaker said : " If you must nourish 
 your unrighteous stomachs, you will find that lentils and even 
 peacods are both pleasant and sustaining. ' 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 2 1 3 
 
 " What say you to this, Jack? " asked the Buccaneer. 
 
 " Give him rope, yer honour, and before long he will come to 
 the thistles, and then we had better write ourselves down asses at 
 once. If we go on, on this tack, sir, there will be no such thing 
 as getting a chop, or a steak, or even a homely rasher for either 
 love or money, and the best thing for me to do is to turn to and 
 dig my own grave. But master, there is another thing that 
 troubles me, though I scarcely like to give vent to my thoughts 
 before so goodly a company." Jack upon being earnestly soli- 
 cited to unburden himself by his master, said : " Well, sir, it's 
 this way. If we are to banish all violent death from this fair isle 
 of ours, what about the flea ? " 
 
 The allusion to this vulgar insect caused no little confusion in 
 so goodly an assembly, and a wave of irritation seemed to pass 
 through the whole crowd, affecting even the Lords Spiritual, and 
 Miss Progress was so put about by being kept in the back-ground, 
 whilst so much good time was being wasted upon so trivial a 
 matter, that she exclaimed with considerable warmth, " Perish the 
 flea ! " Upon this old Jack cried out to the amusement of all, 
 'There I am with you, miss ; but first of all you've got to catch 
 him." 
 
 The bold Buccaneer was extremely tickled, and his sides shock 
 with merriment, and of course every one joined in. So great was 
 the mirth that the whole noble structure was shaken to its very 
 foundation, so much so, that the old lion got up from his recum- 
 bent position, and looked round in a terrified manner, and the 
 cox'sn cried out as he turned towards the company, " Vast heav- 
 ing, my hearties ! Clap a stopper upon your laughing gear, and 
 make all merriment fast." 
 
 The shrill blast of a herald's trumpet now claimed the attention 
 of all, and the aggrieved women were dismissed with a promise 
 that their case should receive the consideration it deserved, and 
 the probability of a Royal Commission was hinted at, and with this 
 they were obliged to be satisfied. Again the shrill notes of a 
 brazen trumpet pierced the air, and silence unfolded her wings 
 and hovered over the company. Now a herald, gorgeously ap- 
 
214 Ltf e f a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 parelled in cloth of gold, emblazoned back and front in the cus- 
 tomary fashion, entered upon the scene, and expectation was all 
 on tip-toe. 
 
 "A messenger, a messenger, no doubt," cried Dogvane, " from 
 his august and most sable Majesty King Hokee with dispatches 
 from the most noble Bandit of the East." 
 
 With much pomp and ceremony the herald advanced, carrying 
 over his left shoulder a spear, and in his right hand what looked 
 like a battered beaver hat, with the crown knocked out. Halting 
 in front of the Buccaneer, he exclaimed, after having made the 
 usual obeisance, " Most noble and illustrious Sea King, ruler of 
 the universe, the holder of the only key to Heaven, the redresser 
 of wrongs, the chastiser of the evil doer, and the terror of the 
 oppressor, know that a little while since, while yet the day was 
 but a few hours old, two friendly factions of the Ojabberaways 
 met, and entered upon an argument apparently from opposite pre- 
 mises, and this is the conclusion that they arrived at." With this 
 he stuck his spear into the battered beaver, for such it was, and 
 raised it up on high, for an admiring crowd to gaze upon. When 
 curiosity was satisfied a very high state official took charge of the 
 interesting relic, and it was conveyed with much ceremony to one 
 of the Buccaneer's principal museums. 
 
 It must be owned that to sit and listen to the complaints of 
 so many people was trying to the patience of all ; but the Bucca- 
 neer and his family were well trained to this sort of thing, and 
 even liked it. Sunday after Sunday the uncrowned queen, Re- 
 spectability, sent them all to church, sometimes even twice. 
 There they sat quietly under their favourite pulpit, and listened 
 without a murmur to their pastor, who frequently either chided 
 them as children, treated them as fools, or eternally damned them 
 all as incorrigible sinners. 
 
 The upper ranks of the Buccaneer's people now came on and 
 complained that their heels were being kicked by those who came 
 after them, and that the respect that once was given to rank and 
 social position was now grudgingly bestowed, if indeed it was be- 
 stowed at all. The deputation was presented with the proverb 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 2 1 5 
 
 which the Buccaneer and his cox'sn had picked up in their 
 roving days on the Spanish Main, and they were recommended to 
 have it framed and hung up in some convenient place, where their 
 children might be able to look upon it. 
 
 The Squire followed, and he again laid bare his numerous 
 complaints ; said he could never remember the time when he was 
 in such low water, for he could get little or nothing out of his 
 tenants, whilst his burdens were more than he could bear. 
 Scarcely had he finished speaking, when his tenants appeared in a 
 body, and declared, that owing to the foreign cheap- Jacks under- 
 selling them, they could not get enough out of the land to keep 
 body and soul together, let alone money enough to pay their 
 landlord rents. Some of these tenants complained too, that the 
 clergy were too exacting, and made no abatement in their tithe 
 charge ; but demanded the pound of flesh that was in their bond. 
 
 This brought the clergy forward, and they declared that their 
 claim was the first charge upon the land, which was taken subject 
 to the burden. The pulpit produces the speaker, if it does 
 nothing else. " Is it not in our bond," they said, " that we shall 
 have the tenth part of the yearly increase arising from the profits 
 of the land, the stock upon the land, and the personal industry of 
 those living upon the land, or a just equivalent for these ? " 
 
 There was now a most learned discussion upon the origin and 
 nature of the tithe charge, all of which did little less than breed 
 confusion. The argument was taken up amongst the company. 
 Some said that it began first as a purely voluntary offering, but 
 that long since a crafty priesthood had fossilized it into a hard 
 and fast legal right, which weighed heavily upon the land in such 
 hard times. The clergy said that it was on account of the hard- 
 ness of men's hearts that the offering had to be legalized into a 
 right. " If," they said, " the charge were left to the free will of 
 man, we should soon starve, for man would give nothing in so 
 selfish, degenerate, and worldly an age. The custom is sanctioned 
 by age and by Divine authority, for did not Abraham, when he 
 spoiled the five kings, give a tenth part of the spoils to Melchise- 
 dek ? " No one seemed bold enough to deny this, and the clergy 
 
216 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 finished up by saying that as they were called upon to fulfil their 
 obligations, so they must call upon other people to fulfil theirs. 
 
 This seemed but reasonable j but just as the Buccaneer was 
 going to deliver judgment, the poor clergy took the opportunity to 
 come forward and present their grievance, which was to the effect 
 that they, and their families, were in many cases in want Upon 
 being appealed to, the High Priest and Lords Spiritual declared 
 that it was so, and that it reflected the greatest discredit upon the 
 Buccaneer and all his people, for it betokened a selfish hardness 
 of heart that was most unchristian-like. 
 
 The poorer clergy were treated to a most excellent discourse 
 upon the beauties of poverty, which beauties, it would appear, that 
 even the clergy love best to contemplate at a distance, which in 
 this, as in most things else, lends enchantment to the view. It 
 was pointed out to this section of the disaffected, by those in 
 spiritual authority, that Christ Himself was a great advocate for 
 poverty and condemned in no measured terms the greed after 
 riches ; that all His early disciples were poor and lowly, and that His 
 religion was propagated by a band of holy, but shoeless beggars. 
 The poor clergy were bid to find comfort in this, and walk in the 
 path to which they had been called with a sanctified humility, 
 
 The old cox'sn now got himself into disgrace, for he turned 
 round and asked the preacher how he could reconcile the precept 
 with the general practice. How, if poverty was such a fine thing, 
 the clergy did not practise it themselves. The high ecclesiastics to 
 whom Jack addressed himself did not condescend to answer so 
 impertinent a remark, but all chance of Church preferment was for 
 ever gone from the old cox'sn, and it is even possible that if he 
 then had died he would not have been allowed Christian burial. 
 
 "This difficulty," cried the Buccaneer, "can be easily over- 
 come." Then turning to his Lords Spiritual and other high church 
 dignitaries, he said, "While some on board of your ship, my 
 lords, have too much, others have too little of this world's wealth. 
 A little while since some amongst you preached a homily upon 
 the beauties of poverty. All of you follow the Master who said 
 that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 217 
 
 for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, and when that 
 rich man is a priest, how doubly hard must be the task. There- 
 fore, I say to you, as I have said before, and in the language of 
 Him whom you profess to follow, 'sell all that you have and give 
 it to the poor,' or at least, share your riches amongst your poorer 
 brethren." 
 
 Now, when those in authority on board the old Church Hulk 
 heard this they were extremely sorrowful and sorely grieved, for 
 many of them had large incomes and other worldly possessions, 
 while some had fashionable and ambitious wives, and many had 
 large families, and, as everyone knows, it is hard enough to serve 
 two masters, and next to impossible when the masters are in- 
 creased to many. 
 
 The old cox'sn, who was of a pious turn, wondered what 
 would happen if Christ were to appear again upon earth and 
 enter some one of the Buccaneer's many temples where the per- 
 fumed flowers of his fashionable society worshipped God, or, 
 perhaps many gods, in all their pride and splendour. Jack, 
 however, kept his counsel. He was an humble individual and it 
 was not for him to meddle in such weighty matters. 
 
 Close upon the heels of the Church came the Buccaneer's 
 lawyers, and true chips were these of the ancient block. 
 The members of the Devil's own, as they were called, complained 
 that an interfering fellow on board of the old Ship of State had 
 called them brigands and other offensive names. This they did 
 not so much mind, but what they did object to was, that busy 
 bodies, instead of paying attention to their own business, wanted 
 to meddle with theirs, and by so doing, to curtail their perquisites 
 and cut down their fees. Of all the Buccaneer's trades and pro- 
 fessions, in no one was the principle of the parable before alluded 
 to more conspicuous than in his legal profession, the members 
 of which not only fleeced their sheep, but flayed them, whenever 
 they had the smallest opportunity. The estimation they were 
 held in, even amongst the Buccaneer's people, was shown by the 
 fact that in all his works of fiction, either on the stage or in novels, 
 almost all the rogues were provided by the legal profession. 
 
218 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 But the spirit of robbery to which allusion has been so fre- 
 quently made, was to be found even where it ought not to have 
 existed. Many cf the Buccaneer's schools were presided over 
 by members of his State Church and many of his teachers 
 were drawn from the same source. Now some of these, in an 
 underhand way, robbed the parents of the boys intrusted to their 
 charge, for they were paid extremely well, if not exorbitantly, to 
 educate their pupils, but in too many cases they taught them little 
 or nothing, and sent them home, into the bargain, to live a good 
 portion of the time at their parents' expense. Then at the end of 
 what was by courtesy called their academical career, the young 
 birds were sent out into the world veritable fledgelings as regards 
 their knowledge, with not feathers sufficient to cover the naked- 
 ness of their ignorance or to fly in search of food. This is at the 
 top of that scale at the bottom of which lies the vulgar thief who 
 breaks through and steals. 
 
 After the lawyers came the doctors, who complained that people 
 apparently had little or no inclination to get ill. They declared 
 there seemed to be a selfish desire on the part of every one to 
 keep the time-honoured and much-trusted family doctor out in 
 the cold, and if it were not for the love which still kept a strong 
 hold upon the people, to over-eat and over-drink themselves, their 
 profession would be but a poor one, though in young children 
 they still found some little support. Whether the doctors robbed 
 the people or not, could not very easily be told as they rendered 
 no details with their accounts. 
 
 The next lot to appear, showed by their double chests and 
 double chins that they were no strangers to good living, and no 
 doubt beneath their capacious waistcoats lay the tail end of many 
 a bottle of their master's wine. These men complained that their 
 masters had become so niggardly and looked after things so 
 closely themselves, that perquisites (by some called plunder) were 
 quite things of the glorious past, so that the modest independence 
 with the public house, the lodging house, or the green-grocer's 
 shop, was put so far away into the future as to come too late, if it 
 ever came at all. 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 219 
 
 These much ill-used individuals had the same sad story to tell 
 about foreign competition. They declared people came over in 
 crowds from their neighbours and took the bread out of their 
 mouths. Now came the women servants, resplendent in their 
 cheap finery, and with airs and graces aped from their betters. 
 Some of these quarrelled with some thing, some with another, and 
 one and all seemed considerably above their position, being much 
 too proud to work. 
 
 Before dealing with these the Buccaneer ordered on the masters 
 and mistresses so that by hearing their side of the story he might 
 be the better able to judge. It was a sign of the times that the 
 servants came on first, and many believed that this merely was 
 the finger post which pointed to a state of things, when all 
 would be changed and the classes would be the humble and 
 obedient slaves of the masses, when King Mob would wield the 
 sceptre over the Buccaneer's people. It, therefore, behoved those 
 interested to see that their future masters were properly edu- 
 cated. 
 
 The employers now declared that it was almost impossible to 
 get good servants. Not one would bear correction. They de- 
 manded high pay for doing very little work, and grumbled at all 
 times both at the quality and the quantity of their food. They 
 declared that the lower orders were now so educated that all the girls 
 preferred either to go into shops, or into the school-room, and then 
 the suffering upper classes were called upon to support institutions 
 to keep these spoilt children off the streets. There was a general 
 complaint too, that the stomachs of the serving classes had 
 become so dainty, that they turned up their noses at what their 
 betters were very well contented with, and there was a general 
 concurrence of opinion that, rather than put up with the insolence, 
 ignorance, and idleness of the Buccaneer's own people, masters and 
 mistresses would either do without servants altogether, or employ 
 foreigners, who were more industrious, very much more sober, 
 and quite as honest as the Buccaneer's people, while they did not 
 go to their local clubs or pot houses, and talk over their master's 
 affairs, and disclose to the vigilant burglar the whereabouts of their 
 
220 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 master's silver. Nor were they in league with the local tradesmen 
 to rob their masters. 
 
 "Away with you all," cried the Buccaneer, addressing the 
 servants. He was always ready to condemn peculation on such 
 a scale as this. " Away with you," he cried, " for you are all 
 robbers in disguise. Speak to them, Jack, and trounce them 
 well with thy tongue." 
 
 " Aye, aye, yer honour. 'Bout ship, my lads and lasses, before 
 shame and misfortune throw their grappling irons on board of 
 you. You're heading for the jail and the work-house, and before 
 you lie poverty and misery. 'Bout ship, I say, before you find 
 that hunger is the best sauce for a proud stomach." 
 
 This batch went away more dissatisfied than ever, and they 
 declared that the old coxswain's language was brutal in the 
 extreme, and they swore they would have nothing to do with such 
 a fellow as that. They determined to get some one of the ship's 
 crew, who wanted some opportunity to bring himself before the 
 public, to take their case up, and by putting a heavy tax upon 
 foreign labour, give them greater opportunities to be independent, 
 more idle, and insolent. 
 
CHAPTER XXXVII. 
 
 THE Buccaneer thought that for a contented and prosperous 
 people he had his fair share of disaffection ; but Liberty now 
 ushered in a pale-faced and solemn looking batch, who declared 
 that drink was sending the Buccaneer's people to the dogs and 
 the devil. They carried in front of them a banner on which was 
 depicted a drunkard beating his wife, and ill-using his starved 
 children. On the reverse, there was the besotted mother and the 
 sober but miserable husband. This cheerless-looking lot, upon 
 whose features laughter-loving mirth never seemed to dwell, 
 were the total abstainers, who declared that nothing would save 
 the Buccaneer and his people, except they were all made sober 
 by law. 
 
 " Why, Jack ! " cried the Buccaneer, turning to his friend, 
 " one lot wants to feed me on peacods, while another wants to 
 drench me with water." 
 
 But now a portly lot of red-faced, pimply-nosed publicans, 
 whose stomachs were as round as one of their own beer barrels, 
 pushed their way to the front, and swore that water was being the 
 ruin of them. They told the Buccaneer in plain and unmis- 
 takable language, that if his people continued to walk in the paths 
 of sobriety at the same rate at which they were at present going, 
 the source from which he derived no little of his revenue would 
 be completely dried up, and he would lose millions of his yearly 
 income, when his upper classes would have to bear the burden of 
 increased taxation. 
 
 The Buccaneer always taxed his upper classes as much as ever 
 he could. Perhaps this was right. Besides, what was called the 
 people, that mighty, but barely defined force, did not like taxa- 
 
222 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 tion, and therefore they were exempted ; but they had no prejudice 
 otherwise against the principle. 
 
 The Buccaneer was touched, and after a moment's considera- 
 tion he said, " Why can't my subjects drink in moderation, and 
 not make beasts of themselves ? " 
 
 " Why not, indeed, sir ? " answered the publicans. " A man in 
 moderation can take a good quantity of liquor and not hurt him- 
 self, and yet benefit the trade and his country. We set our face 
 against your habitual drunkard. He is our enemy, because he 
 gives in too soon. It is the steady drinker ; the man who is al- 
 ways at it, and yet who never gets himself into difficulties, that is 
 our friend." 
 
 To lose millions a year. This was indeed a serious affair, and 
 the Buccaneer feared that those muddling water drinkers would do 
 him considerable harm. But there was a bright spot looming in 
 the distance, for had not his trusty Captain Dogvane told him 
 that there was a heathen nation with an immense population to be 
 civilised ? Of course it was against his religious principles that 
 he should place drunkenness within easy reach of this people ; but 
 then, if at the same time he gave them his Book, and rescued 
 them from the devil, that would be a fair exchange, and in all 
 things human, there must be shortcomings; things that one 
 would willingly prevent if one could, but we cannot expect per- 
 fection in this world, and we must therefore have recourse to that 
 most useful and necessary custom of winking at things we 
 cannot help. It is much to be regretted, that the heathen with 
 civilisation will take to strong liquors, as naturally apparently as 
 a duck takes to water. But he does, so there is an end of it. The 
 Buccaneer now eased his conscience by being extremely severe 
 upon his publicans whom he read a sharp lecture. He treated 
 them in a most haughty manner, said they were a demoralizing 
 agency; a blot, a blemish, and a disgrace ; but still he took their 
 money. He told them they had better take care of themselves. 
 
 The publicans said that was the very thing of all others 
 they would try to do ; but they added that the officers of the 
 Buccaneer's Revenue were so precious sharp, and were so much 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 223 
 
 against them, and were down upon them with such heavy penal- 
 ties if they attempted to help their friends the teetotallers, by 
 watering their ales, and other strong drinks, that virtue had no 
 chance to be over-virtuous. They declared that the licentious 
 Revenue officers hovered over them like a lot of hungry vultures ; 
 and with their meddlesome ways were doing an infinity of mis- 
 chief. 
 
 The publicans were a mighty power in the Buccaneer's king- 
 dom, and it is to his credit that he rebuked them even as he did. 
 He read them a lecture, and having in his mind's eye the banner 
 of the teetotallers he pointed out to the delinquents the frightful 
 consequences of drink. The publicans were quite equal to the 
 occasion, they said that there were two sides to every question, 
 and that the devil himself was not half as black as he was 
 painted. To this the Lords Spiritual took exception, and they 
 rose in a body and entered their protest against such a blas- 
 phemous assertion. Of course this weighty matter could not 
 be argued out at such a time, or in such a place ; but it was 
 taken up on board the old Church Hulk, and received there all 
 the attention it deserved, and no doubt it was the means of add- 
 ing still more to the Buccaneer's numerous sects. 
 
 Some were inclined to subject the devil to the fashionable pro- 
 cess known as white-washing. As every eminent blackguard in 
 ancient, and up to a certain time even in modern history, has un- 
 dergone this treatment, there is no reason why his satanic majesty 
 should be left out in the cold. It seems hard that the blackguard 
 Judas should not have been favoured, but perhaps some 
 champion will yet arise to take up his cause. Does not the 
 Christian world owe him something ? Would it have been saved 
 from the torments of hell, if Judas had not played the betrayer's 
 part ? The publicans said there was a good deal of prejudice 
 about drink. That party feeling here, as elsewhere, ran extremely 
 high, engendering very much animosity, and thus a good deal of 
 obloquy and unjust reproach was heaped upon the head of the 
 poor drunkard. They begged that the subject might be ap- 
 proached in no mean or narrow spirit. They maintained that the 
 
224 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 drunkard, if only a steady going drunkard, and a man of regular 
 habits, was a public benefactor. One who did his best through 
 the means of indirect taxation to swell the revenues of the State, 
 and as a vast number of the Buccaneer's people paid no direct 
 taxes, the only way they helped to keep up the dignity, the 
 honour, the welfare, and the safety of the empire was by getting as 
 drunk as they could, as often as they could. Indeed, looking at 
 it from their point of view, the greater the drunkard, the greater 
 the benefactor he was to the community ; he being a man who 
 sacrificed himself, and frequently his family, for the sake of his 
 country, as every good citizen should. If he broke down oc- 
 casionally under the burden of indirect taxation, he was an ob- 
 ject more of pity than of contempt. And if he beat his wife, and 
 starved his children, what then ? The individual must at all times 
 be sacrificed for the sake of the general public. So eloquent 
 were the publicans, and there was so much force in what they said, 
 that the Buccaneer began to waver. The publicans seeing the 
 good impression they had made, continued on in the same direc- 
 tion, and pointed out that if the teetotallers set up the pump and 
 pulled down the pot-house, that not only would the great Buc- 
 caneer lose his revenue, but that his people would assuredly be- 
 come gourmands, for that there never was a total abstainer who 
 was not a large if not a coarse feeder, and of the two, a drunkard, 
 they declared, bad as he was, was infinitely to be preferred to a 
 glutton. 
 
 The case was undoubtedly a serious one. Not one amongst 
 the grand company not even Dogvane himself would dare to 
 give an opinion directly against the publicans, such was their 
 power in the island. The Buccaneer was obliged to admit that 
 the drunkard was a despicable rascal, and the cause of very great 
 misery ; but then the public-houses brought in such a very large 
 revenue. 
 
 There appeared to be only one way out of the difficulty and 
 that was to have recourse to a Royal Commission. This institu- 
 tion which has before been mentioned, requires to be explained, 
 for it was extremely useful to the Buccaneer and got him out of 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 225 
 
 many difficulties. It was a wonderful institution and had many 
 and various virtues. It was supposed to contain a cure for every 
 evil under the sun and to possess wonderful powers of finding out 
 ills and their several remedies j and it was supposed to have a 
 microscopic eye, and a bright intelligence, that shed a light into the 
 darkest holes and corners. At least, it was supposed to do all 
 this. It was a mysterious institution, having, indeed, some of the 
 attributes of the Inquisition. There was one thing about it that 
 was evident to all. It was extremely slow in its working, and 
 perhaps in this lay no little of its virtue, for anything that it took 
 under its consideration faded away from public view long before 
 any conclusion was arrived at, and thus it may be said that it 
 squeezed all the life out of whatever it sat upon, and then buried 
 its victim in some official pigeon-hole, or other tomb belonging to 
 oblivion. 
 
 What the publicans had said brought forward the butchers ; 
 but Billy Cheeks had nothing to do with these. They declared 
 they were doing scarcely any business. They said that however 
 true it might be, as a general rule, about water-drinkers being 
 large eaters, they saw no signs of total abstinence in this respect 
 amongst the people. They added that what with foreign com- 
 petition and the growing carefulness of housekeepers, who kept 
 far too sharp an eye upon their allies the cooks, their profits were 
 falling off every day. Then they pointed out that their trade was 
 being threatened by the vegetarians, who could stuff themselves to 
 repletion for about sixpence, or even less. Now a farmer, who 
 having heard what the butchers had said, declared butchers ought 
 to be making large fortunes, for that they charged the people 
 quite double, and sometimes more, than what they gave for the 
 meat. This was quite true, but then the butchers only acted 
 upon that principle of robbery which was to be detected in the 
 breast of most of the trading Buccaneers, and was all due, no 
 doubt, to an old Sea King, or pirate, having taken to business in 
 his latter years, and the principle on which he traded, namely, of 
 turning his five talents into ten. 
 
 The dispute between the burly farmer and the burly butcher 
 
226 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 seemed likely to end in blows ; but the vegetarians stepped in 
 and acted as a buffer. They declared that animal food was not 
 at all necessary, and that if men would only feed upon vegetables 
 there would be no wars and they would live longer and more 
 intellectual lives. 
 
 " If that comes to pass," said old Jack, " farewell to the lowing 
 herds and the bleating flocks, for man isn't going to keep these 
 things to look at, and a pretty flabby weak-kneed lot we shall be. 
 Give me my chop and toothsome steak, say I." 
 
 Jack was told that he was very much behind the time and that 
 science was dead against him. This discussion was put an end 
 to by the appearance of the milkmen who complained that they 
 had suffered considerably since they had been stopped manu- 
 facturing their own cream, adulterating their milk with water, and 
 mixing fat with their butter. In fact, all the tradesmen had the 
 same story to tell, and cried out against the stringent laws which 
 ground them down to a rigid line of honesty. Perquisites and 
 peculation, they declared, were almost things of the past, and they 
 added that all this was strictly against the interests of trade, and 
 was not according to precedent. They wanted to know where 
 the Buccaneer would have been if, in his fine old Buccaneering 
 days, he had been so hampered. In conclusion they declared 
 that a too rigid honesty was not compatible with prosperity, and 
 that though " honesty is the best policy " is a capital text to put 
 over your door, it is a bad principle to practise behind the counter. 
 They added that " caveat emptor " ought to be the motive power 
 between man and man in all his mercantile transactions, and that 
 idiots should be left to take care of themselves. 
 
 This unprincipled language horrified the Buccaneer, who having 
 long since become wealthy, could now afford to be honest, 
 virtuous, and respectable. So he condemned, in no measured 
 terms, these nefarious adulterators, and would-be peculators. It 
 is true that these tradesmen were but chips of the ancient block ; 
 but that block had now been laid aside, and was only produced 
 on very great and state occasions, when the magnitude of it quite 
 overshadowed all the small chips that had been cut from it, and 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 227 
 
 the block was so highly polished that it looked altogether beautiful 
 and quite virtuous. 
 
 But who are these men, who look like whitened sepulchres, that 
 are treading so closely upon the heels of the milkmen ? 
 
 These are the Buccaneer's bakers, who declared that nearly all the 
 Buccaneer's bread was made by foreign hands, who were literally 
 taking the very bread out of the mouths of the Buccaneer's own 
 sons. 
 
 The Buccaneer knew there was very great truth in this. But 
 how was he to remedy the evil ? His was a free land and people 
 ever had been allowed to come and to go at their own pleasure ; 
 and to buy and sell, and to make their money as best they could. 
 Then the bakers had the same complaint about the severity of the 
 law, which kept so strict an eye upon them all to the detriment of 
 trade, that it was not safe to use any of the substances so useful in 
 adulterating bread, such as bean meal, rice flour, potatoes and 
 peas, indian com, salt, and alum. Of course they admitted that 
 too much alum was not good for the human stomach, but that was 
 no business of theirs, and the human stomach could adapt itself 
 to all things, so wonderfully and marvellously was it made. 
 
 The brewers next had their say, and declared that their ales and 
 stouts stood a chance of being washed out of the market by the 
 light beverages from the other side of the water, and that these 
 and wishy-washy wines were ruining their trade, and undermining 
 the constitution of the people. These malcontents declared that 
 this was but the thin end of the wedge which was eventually to 
 cleave the Buccaneer's prosperity asunder. It was by good strong 
 brewed ales and beef that he had made himself what he was, and 
 unless John Barleycorn was reinstated they fully believed that the 
 Buccaneer would dwindle down to the mere shadow of his former 
 self. 
 
 This oration met with general approval ; for there were many 
 who thought that beer and beef produced good muscle, sound 
 bodies, and healthy and courageous minds; but a sickly smile 
 played upon the features of the teetotallers and vegetarians, who 
 pitied all those whose minds were so much clouded by ignorance. 
 
221 
 
 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 Now a general cry rose up from amongst the traders against 
 the buyers, who, it was said, were ruining trade by their co-opera- 
 tion, which, it was declared, had taken all the gilt off their ginger- 
 bread The strange part of the thing was, that while the shop- 
 keepers claimed the privilege of combining together to fleece their 
 customers they denied the latter the right of combining together 
 for their own protection. "How," they asked, " were poor people 
 to maintain their families, make a modest competence, and sup- 
 port their public burdens, if the consumers patronized co-operative 
 stores ? " They all declared that in days, unhappily long since 
 past, people lived quite as long as they did now, if not longer. 
 This they considered a conclusive proof that adulteration, if con- 
 ducted upon the principles of moderation, was not detrimental to 
 the coatings of the human stomach, which, they said, was being 
 ruined by the extreme care that was being taken of it, until in- 
 deed there was a good chance of that pampered and petted 
 member ruling the whole body in a most tyrannical manner. The 
 stomach had been made to do certain work ; then why relieve it 
 of its responsibility ? 
 
 The tailors now advanced, and they also had their grievance ; 
 for they declared that the atmosphere was so impregnated 
 with honesty that their cabbages were nothing like as fine as what 
 they used to be ; and they made the same cry out against foreign 
 competition. The shoemakers had the same tale to tell. Behind 
 these came the handmaids to fashion and folly, who declared that 
 their field of operation was becoming more and more contracted, 
 not on account of any falling off in the vanity of the female sex, 
 but on account of the cruel laws that had been passed to guard 
 the husbands against the extravagance of their wives. All this 
 they declared was extremely unjust and entirely against the interest 
 of trade. 
 
 The honest Hodge family now came lumbering along, and each 
 member carried in his hands a halter of rope. The Buccaneer 
 beheld them with amazement, for he feared they were going to 
 take a leaf out of the Ojabberaways' book and make a prisoner of 
 the poor old Squire. He was relieved to find they had no such 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 229 
 
 intention. The Hodge family were one and all agriculturalists, 
 but they declared that times were sadly out of joint with them. 
 They said they wished to make a prisoner of no one ; but they 
 each of them had been promised a cow and a bit of land, by a 
 gentleman they saw amongst the grand company, and they had 
 brought the bit of rope to lead their beast back. " Hodge," cried 
 the Buccaneer, " your bed may not be one of roses ; but your 
 condition has wonderfully improved. Your wages in the last fifty 
 years have been doubled, and so have your comforts. You ever 
 have had the reputation of being an honest fellow, willing to earn 
 by the sweat of your brow a living ; keep in the same track. 
 Remember promises are made of pie crust, and take care, my 
 honest fellow, that designing people neither make a tool nor a 
 fool of you." Hodge scratched his head to try by gentle irritation 
 to conjure his brain into such a state of activity that he might 
 understand the situation, but he found no relief, and had to go away 
 muttering lo himself that " summut must be wrong somewhere." 
 
 A complete damper was now put upon the whole of the pro- 
 ceedings, by the appearance of a most melancholy and miserable- 
 looking body of men. On their faces woe, deep woe, sat en- 
 throned, and their dress bore testimony to the depth of their 
 sorrow. This mournful section of the disaffected could scarcely 
 speak for emotion. It was a deputation from the undertakers, 
 who declared that unless something was done to revive and en- 
 courage their drooping trade, they would all have to throw them- 
 selves upon the community by entering the workhouse. They 
 said their business was not what it had been or what it ought to be. 
 Though perhaps they did not suffer as much as other traders from 
 foreign competition, people still having sufficient respect for them- 
 selves to wish to be buried in home-made coffins, yet the general de- 
 pression, but more especially that which bore so heavily upon 
 their worthy friends, the publicans, bid fair to ruin them. Indeed, 
 they saw little before them but their own tenantless coffins. Then 
 they said that buryings had so fallen off that little or no margin 
 for profit was left, for not only had they decreased in number, but 
 also considerably in quality. People, they declared, seemed to 
 
230 Life of a Celebrated Bticcaneer. 
 
 take more care of themselves than they used to ; eating less, and 
 drinking less ; consequently living longer. Then whenjhey died 
 they generally left behind them strictly economical and even 
 niggardly instructions, and worse still, relations who were mean 
 enough to carry them out. They said all this was against the in- 
 terests of trade, and ought to be put a stop to. All hired grief, 
 they declared, was a drug upon the market. The nodding funereal 
 plumes were fast vanishing. The pensive, sorrow-faced, and red- 
 nosed mute, they declared, would soon be a being of the past, 
 and would only live in the pages of history, unless some fresh life 
 was put into him by more frequent deaths, and more decent and 
 expensive funerals. They said that the money now spent upon 
 floral decorations, which in a few hours were crushed under the 
 earth, if they did not find their way to the grave-digger's cottage, 
 would keep a mute in drink and his wife and family in bread for 
 many weeks, and they declared that such sinful waste ought to be 
 put down by the strong arm of the law. It was a pity, they said, that 
 such a hardness of heart had seized upon the Buccaneer's people, 
 for that now the circumstances of the deceased could no longer 
 be told by the funeral obsequies, and that now many a great, and 
 even rich man, went to his last resting-place with no more pomp, 
 than if he had been one of mean degree. A few widows perhaps, 
 whose hearts were stricken with remorse for the lives they had led 
 their husbands, and out of gratitude for the comfortable circum- 
 stances they had been left in, still showed liberality, but the num- 
 ber, though respectable, was not more than sufficient to give a 
 small flicker to the dying lamp of their prosperity. 
 
 With eyes brimful of tears, they declared that their old friends, 
 the doctors, were deserting them, for they did not now kill half 
 the people they used to, and there seemed to be a selfish desire on 
 all sides to cheat the grave, and consequently to injure the under- 
 takers. 
 
 Then they declared that science was doing an infinity of harm 
 by poking its nose into every offensive smell it came across, by 
 trapping drains, emptying, and forbidding cesspools, and finding 
 sanitary preventions for nearly every disease. This, they declared, 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 231 
 
 was violating one of the Buccaneer's most cherished principles, 
 namely, the liberty of the subject They further said that their 
 trade now, owing to the doctors, science, and the spread of edu- 
 cation, which was an enemy to dirt and drains, seldom, if ever, 
 received a fillip from the friendly hand of an epidemic. As the 
 absence of outdoor, and indoor, parish relief was an index to the 
 prosperity of the country, so they declared that the falling off even 
 in pauper funerals bore ample testimony to their languishing trade- 
 Thus ended this funeral oration, and it had such an effect upon 
 the Buccaneer that what little spirits he commenced the day with 
 had completely vanished. It seemed to him that each hour 
 brought before him a sadder picture, and he called for the captain 
 of his watch, for he wanted to ask him how he could reconcile 
 what he had said about the general happiness, and prosperity of 
 his people, with this long list of disaffection. But old Dogvane 
 was not to be found. Some said he had only just gone round 
 the corner for a few minutes, while others said he was on duty on 
 board of the old Ship of State. 
 
 After a little consideration the Buccaneer made known to the 
 undertakers how deeply he was grieved at their sad story, " But," 
 he added, " in such things it is not well to act with indecent 
 haste, lest some greater injury should be done. So grave do I 
 consider the matter you have brought before me that I promise 
 you a Royal Commission." 
 
 With voices quivering with emotion the undertakers thanked 
 their august master for his extreme consideration, and most graci- 
 ous condescension, and they said they felt sure that if their case 
 was only laid before a Royal Commission it would certainly not 
 be prejudiced by any undue, or indecent haste. 
 
 But now there was a great commotion going on in the crowd, 
 and two angry women were heard abusing each other like the 
 proverbial fish-fags. The one was called Fair Trade, the other 
 Free Trade. These two had had a quarrel of long standing, and 
 they never met that they did not exchange compliments. Each 
 carried baskets, in which were various articles of merchandise. 
 They seemed now to have a strong inclination to tear each other 
 
232 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer 
 
 to pieces, and their shrill voices were heard for a considerable 
 distance, and forced themselves upon the ears of the grand 
 company. 
 
 " If I had my way," cried the one known as Fair Trade, " I 
 would tear all that cheap finery of yours off your back." 
 
 "Yes," exclaimed the other, "and stick it upon your own. 
 That costly, but sober looking homespun of yours needs something 
 to set it off," so said Free Trade, who held up before the eyes of 
 the people her cheap wares. 
 
 " Buy my home-made loaf," cried Fair Trade. 
 
 " Buy mine at half the price," cried Free Trade. 
 
 " Better give me double for mine," exclaimed Fair Trade, 
 " than deal with that woman. She is bringing ruin upon us with 
 her cheap trash. Through her our cornfields lie fallow. Through 
 her our industries languish, and some even have passed away 
 from us. Through her our country has been filled with idle 
 hands, and the wolf of want has been brought to many a 
 door." 
 
 " They don't seem to have settled their dispute yet, Jack," the 
 Buccaneer said. 
 
 " No, sir. A few years since and nothing would do but you 
 must lie the old bluff-bowed ship Protection up, and now some 
 of them are always casting longing eyes at her, and their sighs of 
 regret would fill the sails of a Seventy-Four." 
 
 " What ! " cried the Buccaneer, in dismay, as he saw Poverty 
 with her large family of ragged and half-starved children now 
 come on to the scene. " You here again. Why I am constantly 
 doing something for you, and my Great Hat is forever being sent 
 round." 
 
 " And still I want," said Poverty. 
 
 " I have built you model dwellings. I have ordered all your 
 drains to be trapped ; your cesspools cleaned, and your dustbins 
 emptied ; and all your children I insist upon being sent to school, 
 so that they may learn the efficacy of comfort and cleanliness, and 
 learn to bear with patience their many sufferings." 
 
 " But I ask for food," persisted Poverty. 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 233 
 
 The Buccaneer now said, " I give you, my good woman, the 
 very best of all food, namely, food for the mind." 
 
 But Poverty answered, "Why turn the lamp of knowledge 
 into my hovel ? Why teach me that while others have plenty, I 
 am in rags, cold, and hungry. Knowledge on an empty stomacli 
 is a dangerous thing. To open my eyes is the refinement of 
 cruelty, for ignorance, at least, dulls the edge of misery. If you 
 cannot fill my stomach and patch up the rents in my clothes, then 
 in pity kill me. Send me to a lethal chamber and let me revel for 
 a brief moment in the luxury of one good meal, and let me pass 
 into eternity without the pinching pangs of hunger." 
 
 This language shocked every one, and the feeling was still 
 more increased, when Pity, who was standing not far off weeping, 
 said, " Mother, if you cannot feed this poor woman and her 
 many children ; if you have no room for them, then for my sake 
 take them to thy bosom, close their eyes, and hush them to sleep 
 in everlasting slumber." 
 
 Poverty was chided in a gentle tone by the Buccaneer's High 
 Church dignitaries there assembled, and prayers were said for 
 her, and she was told that though she received stripes and lashes 
 here, in the next world she would be rewarded, and she was bid to 
 fix her gaze upon that region which lies beyond the grave, where 
 the bright star of Hope is forever shining, and where there is 
 neither hunger, cold, nor thirst. 
 
 Just as all sympathy was enlisted on the side of this poor 
 woman a circumstance happened that changed the whole current 
 of feeling. Suddenly a cry rose up of " Stop, thief." It was now 
 found that while all interests were centred upon Poverty, one of 
 her children, seeing the opportunity, slipped round, and getting 
 unobserved upon the platform, had crawled along, \n a most 
 irreverent manner, under the legs of the Lords Spiritual, and 
 being totally uninfluenced by the atmosphere of sanctity in which 
 he moved, the young rascal had slipped his hand into the cap- 
 acious pocket of the Buccaneer, and had taken therefrom ever so 
 much gold and silver, while the old coxswain was found to have 
 lost his best silk bandana 
 
234 Life of a Celebrated Biiccaneer. 
 
 This bold act of robbery caused a great commotion, and ex- 
 treme indignation, and in trying to catch the thief, Poverty was 
 entirely forgotten, for, of course, crime in a community is a much 
 more serious thing than any amount of want, though one is fre- 
 quently but the offspring of the other. 
 
 So indignant was the Buccaneer at this gross act of ingratitude, 
 that directly he regained his composure, he read Poverty a lecture 
 and told her she ought to be ashamed of herself, and that unless 
 she took better care of her children they would be sure to fall 
 into either the jailer's or the hangman's hands. "No wonder," 
 he said, " that misery darkens your doors, and hunger pinches 
 your children's stomachs. Away with you," he cried, " and learn 
 to be honest, thrifty, industrious, and sober, for God alone helps 
 those who help themselves." 
 
 There was a twinkle in the old coxswain's eye. He was labouring, 
 like a ship in a gale of wind, under the influence of a joke. A joke is 
 of such a nature that the owner of it cannot keep it in. Like murder 
 it will out. "Master," he said, "your doctrine is a little dangerous. 
 You scold Poverty one moment for what you bid her do the next." 
 
 "How so?" 
 
 " Why did not her young brat help himself to my bandana and 
 to your superfluous cash ? " 
 
 The expression on the Buccaneer's face at thus being trifled 
 with, was such that old Jack, to make use of seafaring language, 
 bore away, and mixed amongst the crowd, just as another great 
 hubbub arose from the regions of the disaffected. The grand 
 court was broken up by Demos, who having collected as many as 
 he could of the discontented had raised his standard again and 
 was for enthroning King Mob in the Buccaneer's chair of State. 
 With wild shouts and with flourishes of sticks and other impro- 
 vised weapons, he came on and demanded a hearing, and many 
 thought there would be just such another to-do as when the old 
 cox'sn so gallantly defended the gorge and regained possession 
 of the Place of Discord. 
 
 Demos now in the attitude more of a dictator than a supplicant, 
 demanded of the Buccaneer that capital should be confiscated 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 235 
 
 and divided amongst the people. That luxury should be banished. 
 That all should be made to work for a living and that the hours 
 of labour should be denned, limited, and enforced by law. " By 
 nature," he said, " all are equal, and in the sight of God there is 
 no such thing as class distinction. Every person born is born to 
 an inheritance, and that is a right to live." Demos declared that 
 all property must be common, and all human drones destroyed. 
 He raised the old cry of equality, which history and even nature 
 has proved to be an impossibility. 
 
 When the crowd heard the words of Demos there was a great 
 shouting and clapping of hands. This comprehensive scheme 
 somewhat frightened the upper layer of the Buccaneer's society ; 
 some of whom declared that Demos had foreign blood in his 
 veins ; that he was an alien. But Demos cried out, " No alien 
 am I. I am as much your child as those who sit enthroned in 
 high places. They toil not, neither do they spin, but live by the 
 labour of other people. It is against the vampire capital, 
 that I wage my war. That bloodsucker, which feeds upon the 
 industries of your poorer children, who have built up for you 
 your present greatness by the sweat of their brows and by the 
 blood of their bodies." 
 
 " And would you, my lad, from sheer envy and hatred," cried 
 the Buccaneer, " pull down in one day what it has taken me so 
 many years of toil to build up ? From what babbling brook have 
 you drunk in your principles ? " 
 
 " From no babbling brook," Demos exclaimed, " but from that 
 deep spring which has been handed down to us from ages past. 
 Did not the Great Master, whom yonder old Church Hulk pro- 
 fesses to follow, teach us that all men before God are equal, and 
 that all property should be held in common." 
 
 Here the High Priest of the Buccaneer rose up and said, 
 " Our Great Master never, by either word or deed taught, or even 
 sanctioned, robbery. On the contrary, He enjoined every man to 
 be contented with that which he had ; not to covet other men's 
 goods. He said, give, but never take. But you are not the first 
 who has tried to distort the Scriptures to serve your own selfish ends." 
 
236 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 'Is it not written," said Demos, " him that taketh thy cloak 
 forbid not to take thy coat also ? " 
 
 " That neither sanctions nor justifies the confiscation," replied 
 the High Priest. " Is it not also written that the things belong- 
 ing to Csesar shall be given to Caesar ? " 
 
 " But who is Caesar ? " cried Demos. "I am no longer a boy 
 now, to be petted and cajoled, and to be bought over by sweet- 
 meats or a piece of cake. I have a freeman's limbs, give me then 
 a freeman's rights." 
 
 It is not to be supposed that on so great an occasion the 
 Buccaneer's old coxswain, Jack Commonsense, was going to 
 remain silent, so he said, as he shoved himself to the front, for he 
 had lost his place in the confusion brought about by the act of 
 robbery on the part of one of Poverty's children. " Master ! " he 
 cried, " I am on in this scene. What rights, my lad," he said 
 addressing Demos, " do you claim that you have not got, except 
 the right of putting your hands into other people's pockets ; just 
 because your own happen to be empty or not too full ? This is a 
 robbing of Peter to pay Paul, with a vengeance." 
 
 " Who are you," said Demos, " that you should make yourself 
 a judge over us ? " 
 
 " W T ho am I ? " quoth the coxswain. " Who am I, forsooth ! 
 It is a pity, my lad, you should have to ask the question ; but 
 there ; memories the likes o' yours are always short ; who am I, 
 indeed ! why I am Jack Commonsense, very much at your service, 
 my lad, and cox'sn to the honest rover." Suddenly correcting 
 himself, he said, as he lifted his tarpaulin in token of respect, 
 " that is to say, Sea King, that ever ploughed the briny ocean. I 
 have stood by my master, my lad, in fair weather and in foul, and 
 when the stormy winds have blown, and the dark rocks and 
 savage cliffs of danger have been upon our lee, oftentimes I have 
 seized the helm and steered my master clear, and damme, if I 
 will desert him now. Now listen, my lad, and all you whom it may 
 concern, while I spin you a yarn that I picked up on the Spanish 
 Main, ages ago. We picked up many things there, master, did 
 we not? Dubloons and other treasures. But here's my yarn. 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 237 
 
 Once upon a time, a man had five sons, and when he was dying 
 he called them round him, and gave to each a fair share of his 
 property, and told them to act to each other as he had acted to- 
 wards them, and to have all things in common amongst them- 
 selves. But one, my lad, so the story goes, d'ye see, was a 
 spendthrift, another was a wine bibber, while another was a 
 glutton ; the fourth was a seeker after pleasure, while the fifth was 
 a hard working industrious and sober man. The four first named 
 would do anything but work, and they each gave away their birth- 
 right to the fifth ; the one for this thing, according to his want, 
 the other for that, until at length the fifth son had possession of 
 the whole patrimony ; would you, my lad, were you in his place, 
 divide, and go on dividing amongst your ne'er-do-well brothers to 
 all eternity ? Not you, or you are a greater fool than I take you 
 to be. Where then is your community of property ? Then as 
 to your equality. That won't wash, my mates. There is no such 
 thing as equality, for one 'is strong, another weak ; one is 
 swift of foot, another slow, while one has more brains than 
 another. Why the hides of asses ain't all of a thickness, 
 and the stick that reaches one, won't touch another; but 
 let that fly stick to the wall, even among thieves and such 
 like vermin, there is no equality, the strongest always getting the 
 lion's share. Take all our master has, and lay it out before you ; 
 feast your eyes upon it ; gloat over it, and then begin to divide it 
 equally amongst yourselves, and you will be at each other's 
 throats before you know where you are; so much for your 
 brotherly love. Then, my mates, before you commence pulling 
 down, you ought to decide upon what sort of a commonplace 
 hovel you are going to build up. But the first thing you ought 
 to do, is to turn out all the blackguards belonging to our neigh- 
 bours, for we have enough of our own, and whatever right you 
 think you may have toother people's property, foreign rapscallions 
 can have none, and if you allow them to cry shares, you will be 
 robbing your own honest selves. Trade will languish and die out, 
 for there will be no security for earnings, and no emulation. 
 Ambition, that mighty lever to human actions, will succumb. 
 
238 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 Farewell too, to art; and science even will flag for want of 
 nourishment. As luxury is to be banished in our earthly paradise, 
 all carriages will be put down, and all the hands employed in 
 connection with them, will be thrown upon the market. The 
 horses will have to be turned out to grass, and live a life of in- 
 dolent ease, until they vanish from the land or are turned to a 
 different use, for nature has decreed that nothing useless shall 
 last. The vanities and even the luxuries of the rich furnish thou- 
 sands of deserving mouths with their daily food ; but all this will 
 have to be stopped, and God alone knows who will benefit. 
 Then I suppose you will occupy the palaces of the rich, as long 
 as they stand, by people of one common level of social standing, 
 and we shall sink into a nation of flats. Let that fly also stick to 
 the wall. Then as no new mansions will be built, for want of 
 wealth, the builders' trade will suffer, and more idle hands will be 
 thrown on the community. Enterprise will die and one trade 
 after another will go, and then farewell to all. The great Sea 
 King upon whose vast empire the sun never sets ; the mighty 
 trader, the great pioneer of civilisation ; he whose footprints are to 
 be seen in every part of the universe will sink, unremembered 
 unrespected, and unregretted into the silent tomb of the past and 
 some stronger, and wiser people will take his place. 
 
 " Master ! " cried the cox'sn turning to the bold Buccaneer, 
 who listened with wonder to old Jack's long-winded harangue. 
 " Master ! " he cried, " this Demos is but a boy amongst us yet ; 
 he is a young colt that must be neatly bitted and ridden on the 
 curb, or he will of a surety bolt and fling his rider into the ditch 
 as his forebears have done before him." 
 
 Just as things were looking at their worst, the sound of music 
 came over the water from the old Ship of State. It was Pepper, 
 the cheery little cook, the foster father of Demos, playing a tune 
 upon his barrel organ. The strains had a mellowing and sooth- 
 ing influence upon the whole company, and so what at one time 
 bid fair to take a serious turn passed off quietly, and so ends the 
 longest if not the dullest chapter in this eventful history. 
 
CHAPTER XXXVIII. 
 
 THE event recorded in the last chapter brought the grand court 
 to a somewhat premature but fortunate conclusion. Thougli 
 many grievances were made known, it is not recorded that a 
 single one was remedied or redressed, and this perhaps was quite 
 according to precedent. 
 
 Dogvane did not see the grand court out ; but for reasons 
 of his own, he slipped away and hastened on board of the old 
 Ship of State, where also he found most of his watch ; for as the 
 saying is, they seemed to have smelt a rat. He called his merry 
 men on deck. " Mates," he said, " my glass is falling ; so likely 
 enough we shall have a strong breeze blowing off shore before 
 long, therefore haul all taught, make all snug, and look out for 
 squalls." 
 
 The doughty cook now spoke up, like the bold and clever man 
 that he was. " Captain," he said, " if so be that we are going to 
 have foul weather, why not lighten the ship at once ? Chuck over 
 board a couple of dukes, or a brace of earls, or a score or so of 
 common ordinary lords, and the old ship will ride through the 
 storm all the better." It was wonderful, what a dislike Pepper 
 had for the Buccaneer's Upper Chamber, and the people said 
 there must be more in it than appeared on the face of things 
 Nothing the cook would have liked better than to have pickled 
 the whole lot, when the brine would not have been wanting in 
 strength ; Billy Cheeks the burly butcher would no doubt have 
 done all the preliminary business with pleasure, for he also had 
 his eye upon the Buccaneer's bloated aristocracy. All this was 
 very strange, for Billy, it was said, had the very best of blood in 
 his veins. 
 
 Many thought that beneath the modest bearing of the cook, 
 
240 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 there lurked a great ambition, which was no other than to put on 
 old Dogvane's cloak, boots, and collars when nature called that 
 worthy old salt away. 
 
 When the cook suggested the lightening of the old ship, 
 Chips the carpenter raised his axe and took up a position beside 
 the hawser that bound the Church Hulk to the Ship of State. 
 The butcher also drew his large knife and felt its edge, for he had 
 quite regained his nerves, and was ready for anything. Old 
 Dogvane smiled approvingly upon their ready zeal; but said, 
 ''Steady, my lads, steady. All in good time. No occasion to 
 jettison any of our cargo yet, however useless it may be. You, 
 Billy, who have some smattering of legal knowledge, can explain 
 the meaning of the term. But again, my lads, I ask you, how 
 you came to set that old church drum a beating? The solemn 
 sound as you know will at all times awaken the slumbering feel- 
 ings of our master. Besides, I myself am considerably affected 
 by it. I should not see that old craft cut adrift without a pang. 
 But see what it has done. It has thoroughly roused our master, 
 and it has raised more devils than we probably shall be able to 
 lay. It's ill to waken sleeping dogs, so says the proverb. The 
 old Squire too is on the tramp, and our master is now for poking 
 his nose into everything. The paint brush, my lads, the paint 
 brush, is at most times better than either the hammer, or the 
 chisel. No offence to your mate, Master Chips." It now came 
 out that Chisel was still ashore, and absent without leave, and 
 many thought he would not come out of it with anything less 
 than a general court martial. 
 
 The carpenter now showed a spirit of mutiny that surprised all, 
 and shocked both the cook and the butcher, his, at one time, 
 friends. 
 
 " Captain ! " he exclaimed, " I've served with you now for 
 many a day, and I've served you well;. but the time has come 
 when every honest man should speak his mind. It is all very well 
 for you to put all the blame upon our backs, but let every one 
 bear his own burden. Why did you try the old dodge of throwing 
 dust in our master's eyes ? You know he is getting quite accus- 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 241 
 
 tomed to that sort of thing and can see through it. Why did you 
 tell him all those cock-and-bull stories about contentment, and all 
 that kind of stuff, and induce the old gentleman to hold the Grand 
 Court ? Then why did you take him abroad ? This it is that has 
 raised all the dust." 
 
 "Well, Chips, my lad," cried the old captain, as he dashed a 
 tear from his eye. " This comes hard, very hard from you. For 
 you to turn upon me, cuts me to the very quick. Under the 
 shadow of my wing, you have risen from a low position on board 
 this old craft, to one of great consideration. There was much 
 more in store for you, for I might, in time, have persuaded my 
 master to make either a general or an admiral of you, or you may 
 indeed have risen to be steward of his household. Only that I 
 have a son myself who is the joy of my old age, and the very 
 apple of my eye, and more to me than ever Joseph was to Jacob, 
 it is possible that when I pass away my cloak would have fallen 
 upon your shoulders." 
 
 The cook gave the butcher a look and the butcher's breathing 
 became laboured under the weight of suppressed feeling. Old 
 Dogvane continued his address to the carpenter : " Why did I 
 throw dust in the old man's eyes ? I am surprised that such a 
 clever lad as you should ask such a simple question. Is it not a 
 time-honoured custom ? Have not both the watches done it for 
 ages past ? The only error I made was that the dust was not 
 thick enough, and the old man saw through it, and there lies my 
 mistake." 
 
 The carpenter was going to answer the captain, for his mutinous 
 spirit was getting the better of him, but the cook seized the 
 carpenter and led him away. 
 
 Presently the old Buccaneer was seen slowly walking down to 
 the beach and he was pestered on every side by a swarm of cheap- 
 Jacks of every nation. They hung about him, and as the saying 
 is, they nearly bothered the life out of him. The poor old 
 gentleman seemed to have suffered considerably from recent 
 events, and the sickness of his heart was beginning to pray upon 
 his body. With feeble steps he laboured along and hailed the 
 
 Q 
 
242 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 old Ship of State, but his voice wanted the cheery ring of 
 old. 
 
 "Away with you, my lads," cried Dogvane, who heard the 
 Buccaneer's call. " Clear the decks, and each one to his post. 
 Away, and leave the matter in my hands. I will below and look 
 over the chart of public affairs and I will shape a course that will 
 take us out of our difficulties or my name is not William Dogvane. 
 I see the old gentleman has not his busy-body of a coxswain with 
 him, so much the better for my plan. I never could hit it off 
 with that party. Away, my lads, to your posts." 
 
 Each one did as he was told, though the carpenter grumbled ; 
 but the cook said to him : " Since when, my mate, have you 
 learnt to change your tune ? " 
 
 " That barrel organ of yours, Master Pepper, may grind away 
 at the same old tune for ever for all I care ; but I have my 
 sticking point," said the carpenter. " At any rate I don't shilly- 
 shally about things like old Dogvane does ; but I speak out my 
 mind like every honest man should ; and look you, my little 
 Pepper, I'm not going to be monkey-led by any man." 
 
 " Say you so," replied the cook. " That is a pity ; I want a 
 monkey for my organ, and no doubt, you would dance as well as 
 any other." 
 
 " Not to your piping, my lad, so stow that. There is a time 
 for all things, Master Pepper. Your jokes and jests are well 
 enough upon a full stomach of contentment, but now they sound 
 flat and feeble. Were I a man easily moved to mirth I might 
 laugh perhaps to-morrow. Look you now ! If our little game 
 had come off old William would have been with us heart and soul 
 and then the old fox would have set all sail before a full blast of 
 public opinion, and have taken all credit to himself. But let the 
 wind be doubtful, and he is for ever trimming as if his ship were 
 in a constant sea of doldrums ; and what is more, Pepper, he is 
 not above flinging a messmate overboard if it suits his purpose. 
 I'm weary, my lad, of the company I am sailing in." 
 
 " Ship of State ahoy ! " came from the shore, and interrupted 
 the carpenter's grumblings. A slight breeze came off the land 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 243 
 
 and shook the shrouds. "Make all taught," cried old Dogvane, 
 " and pipe the pinnace away. I see the cox'sn has put in an 
 appearance after all. I wonder what the devil he wants. I begin 
 to think he is an office-seeker and a place-hunter like the rest of 
 the world." Having said this, Dogvane disappeared below. 
 
 Presently the old Buccaneer appeared on board. Not a soul 
 was to be seen. " What ! " he cried ; " no one on deck. 
 What ho ! below there ! " 
 
 No answer came. He passed by the cook's galley as he went 
 to take a look forward. The cook could be heard reading out 
 the following receipt : " Take one reputation of good social 
 position and pull well to pieces, add one pound of garbage, two 
 ounces of gall and one quart of vinegar, season well with salt and 
 pepper, stew, stir and skim, and serve up when ready." 
 
 " A savoury dish that, Master Jack," said the Buccaneer to his 
 coxswain, who replied that at such things the cook of the Star- 
 board Watch had not an equal, and at a dish of scandal he could 
 scarcely be beaten. The Buccaneer, having taken a turn round, 
 came to the after part of the ship, and there he saw old Dogvane 
 with his head just above the after companionway. " Who calls ? " 
 he asked in the most innocent manner possible. 
 
 " Who calls ! " cried the Buccaneer, " and is this the way you 
 look after my affairs ? not a soul on deck ! " 
 
 " Not a soul on deck, sir ! " exclaimed Dogvane, in surprise ; 
 " then everyone must of a certainty be below." By this time 
 many of the crew had put in an appearance and were busy work- 
 ing away at their respective duties. Chips, having got the better 
 of his fit of ill temper, sang as he worked the following song : 
 
 " My mate is ashore in tow of a lass, 
 
 Cock-a-doodle, 
 A right clever fellow turned into an ass, 
 
 Cock-a-doodle, 
 He's tied by the leg with a petticoat string, 
 
 Cock-a-doodle, 
 And never again will his cheery voice sing 
 
 Cock-a-doodle." 
 
244 Ltf e f a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 The look-out man aloft being awakened, no doubt, by the 
 voice of the carpenter, sang out : " All's well." This was official, 
 and Dogvane looked upon it as a good sign. " Your ever watch- 
 ful man alcft, sir, tells you that all is well ; we must perforce 
 believe him, for he is a creditable witness." 
 
 " All's well, indeed ! " exclaimed the Buccaneer. " What do 
 you mean by telling me that all is well? Are you, Master 
 Dogvane, a knave or a fool ; or do you take me to be either the 
 one or the other ? " 
 
 " God forbid, sir, that I should make so grievous a mistake," 
 replied Dogvane, with humility. 
 
 " What did you mean by telling me that my foreign relations 
 were all good, and that my people at home were prosperous and 
 contented ? " 
 
 " Did I say so much, master ? It is on my memory that I did 
 not go so far j I may have said that they ought to be contented. 
 There lies the difference." 
 
 " Why, there is not a profession or trade, or even class that is 
 not crying out My very women are rising in open rebellion. 
 What say you to this ? " 
 
 " It is passing strange, sir, and only adds one more proof, if it 
 were necessary, of the extreme ingratitude of human nature. 
 There is scarce a thing that we do not take into consideration, 
 and so great is our concern for your welfare that we try to legislate 
 for all your simplest needs, and in time we hope that everything 
 will work with clock-like regularity, and if a man gets drunk even, 
 it shall be by Act of Parliament." 
 
 "Pray, sir," asked the Buccaneer, "what business had you be- 
 low on such an occasion as this ? " 
 
 "Sir," Dogvane replied, "I was occupied with matters of the 
 gravest importance; something that touches closely upon my 
 master's honour. Master, master," he suddenly cried in an 
 ecstasy of delight, " what think you ? I have glorious news ; 
 glorious news for you. ' 
 
 "Glorious news ! then out with it, man, for I need something 
 to raise my spirits." 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 245 
 
 " Sir," cried Dogvane, rubbing his hands with glee. " What 
 think you ; I have a concession." 
 
 " A concession, man ! A concession ! that is news indeed. 
 Do you hear, Jack, our honest Dogvane has a concession." The 
 old cox'sn kept his silence; but the Buccaneer was highly 
 pleased for it was now more his custom to grant concessions than 
 to receive them. There was scarcely a neighbour, or foreign re- 
 lation, no matter however small, who had not got something out 
 of the old man in recent years. At one time he used to thrash 
 his enemy first, and then grant him a concession perhaps, after- 
 wards, and this line of action had its advantages, and in the long- 
 run saved very much time, trouble, bloodshed, and money. The 
 news of the concession brought back the blood to the old 
 Buccaneer's jolly round face, which regularly beamed with en- 
 thusiasm. 
 
 " Ah ! Dogvane," he said, "after all you have served me well, 
 and no matter how you may be reviled you have proved yourself 
 a faithful servant. And so you have a concession ! " Then an 
 idea seemed suddenly to strike him, for turning an anxious look 
 upon old Dogvane, he exclaimed, " Stay ! Is it a good conces- 
 sion ; one worthy of a Sea King? It is not from the Calf of Man 
 is it ? " Dogvane shook his head. " Nor from either Jersey, 
 Guernsey, Alderney, or Sark ? " Dogvane again shook his head. 
 "Has the Egyptian gipsy sent an apology and withdrawn her 
 curse ? " 
 
 " My master is wide of the mark," said Dogvane with a smile 
 of satisfaction. 
 
 " Well, if the concession comes from neither of these quarters, 
 Master Dogvane, I know not where to look. Stay though. Have 
 the Ojabberaways sent an apology for all their abusive language 
 and unseemly conduct ? " 
 
 "Not within striking distance yet, sir. Some time since, my 
 master, you were anxious to show our trusty friend here, Jack 
 Commonsense, some mark of your great favour. The matter is 
 not without its difficulties; but still it may be accomplished. 
 Now, if your trusty cox'sn, who is an excellent sailor, no doubt, 
 
246 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 though deemed for some unknown reason common, has any royal 
 blood in his veins, we can with the stroke of a pen make either 
 an Admiral of him, or a Field-Marshal, or even a Bishop. Then 
 again, if he were only a rich brewer, or a successful trader of any 
 description, or a supporter through thick and thin of our Star- 
 board Watch, we could at once make him a lord of high degree." 
 
 " What has this to do, Master Dogvane, with the concession ? 
 Why, in the devil's name, do you torment me ? Have concessions 
 been of such frequent occurrence in recent years that I can thus 
 afford to dally with them ? Speak out, or I will drag that unruly- 
 tongue of yours from its roots." 
 
 Dogvane, seeing that further trifling would be dangerous, said, 
 " Do you remember, sir, that little dispute we had with the great 
 Bandit of the East upon a small matter of a boundary ? " 
 
 " Yes, yes, I remember, go on." 
 
 " And no doubt you also remember my extreme regret that we 
 had not with us that energetic young wasp, Random Jack, so that 
 we might have either bumped him on the boundary, or whipped 
 him on the breech." 
 
 " What has all this to do with it ? Your enemies say that you 
 are little better than a wind-bag, and I verily believe they are not 
 far wrong. Has the Eastern Bandit made a concession ? Come, 
 yea or nay." 
 
 "No other." 
 
 " Honest Dogvane, your hand. This is indeed glorious news. 
 So you have brought the mighty Bruin to his senses, and he has 
 knuckled down to the Lion. But go on, Dogvane, the con- 
 cession." 
 
 " If you remember, sir, we placed the matter in the hands of 
 our faithful friend and ally, King Hokeepokeewonkeefum, his 
 august majesty of the Cannibal Islands." 
 
 " I remember, man ; but that part of the transaction does not 
 give me the satisfaction that perhaps it ought. The concession." 
 
 " Still the same old prejudice against colour ? but no matter. 
 As" 
 
 " What the devil is in the man ! Are we never coming to the 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 247 
 
 concession ? Where is this concession ? Out with it, or, by my 
 soul, I will lay my stick across your back." 
 
 Dogvane was between two stools ; he feared to trifle with his 
 master any longer, and he feared to make known the concession. 
 Though no one could humbug the old Buccaneer like Dogvane, 
 even he could not go too far, and he had now come to the length 
 of his tether. 
 
 " Sir," said Dogvane, " we have gained a great diplomatic vic- 
 tory." Directly the Buccaneer heard the nature of the triumph 
 his face fell. 
 
 Dogvane came cautiously to the subject again. " With the aid 
 of King Hokee I have settled your dispute without spilling one 
 drop of Christian blood." 
 
 " Tell me, man, at once ! " cried the Buccaneer, as he raised 
 his stick above his head, " has the Eastern Bandit made honour- 
 able amends ? " 
 
 " He has, sir," replied Dogvane. " He has indeed done all we 
 can in reason expect. The Bandit, though a Christian, is a proud 
 man ; and it is not acting generously to humble any man too 
 much." 
 
 " Master Dogvane, I too am a Christian, and I have my pride 
 as well as the Eastern Bandit." 
 
 " You, sir, are the leader of the Christian world, and as such 
 should set a good example. I did not say, my master, that pride 
 was a Christian virtue, though far too many Christians wear it as 
 their everyday dress. Pride, indeed, is the worst of sins, and 
 through it Satan himself fell. My master is great and noble, and 
 all powerful ; he can therefore afford to be magnanimous. Bear- 
 ing this in mind I made peace when you had been beaten three 
 times in the open. Few other nations, and few other men, would 
 have done this ; certainly not the great Bandit of the East. 
 Would your other watch have had the courage to do it ? " 
 
 Thus did the cunning Dogvane run on, still evading the point 
 of all interest. But his master's patience was now completely ex- 
 hausted, and he brought his stick across the captain's back. 
 
 ''Softly, master," cried Dogvane, as he winced under the blow, 
 
248 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 "my coat needs no dusting. The point is at hand. I have 
 agreed, or arranged, or it may be that I have entered into a 
 sacred covenant with the great Bandit of the East, that for certain 
 considerations, hereafter to be settled and defined, you shall black 
 his boots." 
 
 " Black his boots ! " cried the Buccaneer in amazement, " and 
 is this your concession, fellow ? " 
 
 " Stay, stay, sir, not so fast," replied Dogvane. " Make haste 
 is no doubt a very good horse, but hold hard is a better. We 
 have not come to the concession yet. That stick is mighty hard. 
 Stay, sir ! I am coming to it. It is this. In consideration for 
 past favours, and to promote a good understanding between you 
 both, the Eastern Bandit graciously condescends to find his own 
 blacking." 
 
 "The devil he does," exclaimed the Buccaneer, as his eyes 
 opened wide with astonishment. " What concession is there in 
 that, pray ? " 
 
 "A very great one, sir, considering the size of the Bandit's 
 boots, it is little less than enormous. You might, sir, had it not 
 been for diplomacy, have been obliged to provide your own 
 blacking. To get the Bandit to concede this cost no end of 
 trouble. One ambassador was quite broken down, and several 
 minor diplomatic officials have been rendered quite useless for 
 the remainder of their lives. Their minds having quite given 
 way, and they are left little better than babbling idiots, and every 
 boot they see they persist in blacking." 
 
 The bold Buccaneer that once was, the great Sea King, the 
 mighty trader, was struck for a few moments completely dumb. 
 Indeed Dogvane's concession seemed to have benumbed his brain. 
 His old coxswain, who had kept a respectful silence during 
 this long-winded palaver, now spoke, having first of all cleared 
 his decks, as he called it. " Master Dogvane ! " he cried, " the 
 man who stoops to black a boot, will in all probability be 
 kicked by it before the job is finished." 
 
 " Who asked you to put your spoke into the wheel ? " Dogvane 
 said in an under tone, and then added aloud : " I've been thinking, 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 249 
 
 sir, that we might promote our honest friend here to some sine- 
 cure, where he will for the rest of his days have little work and 
 plenty of pay. We have many such posts at our command, but 
 strange to say, they are all full at present. The keeper of the Im- 
 perial Hat is a duke ; the emolument is barely a thousand a year, 
 but the honour is great and is much coveted. Then there is the 
 custodian of our master's night cap, that is held by one who has 
 royal blood in his veins, and he cannot be sent home, or about his 
 business." 
 
 Dogvane's list of high offices was brought to an abrupt conclu- 
 sion by the sudden awakening of the Buccaneer, who seemed to 
 be possessed with a spark of his old fire. His wrath burst upon 
 Dogvane like an angry gust of wind. " Out of my sight," he 
 cried, as he again raised his stick. Now the keeper of the Buc- 
 caneer's stick was another high official, who drew a goodly income 
 for doing so. Dogvane, in his mind, determined that this officer 
 should be at once replaced by one who took better care of his 
 business. He thought, and perhaps rightly, that on such an 
 occasion as the present, the stick should either have been mislaid 
 or sent to be polished, or otherwise repaired. "Out of my sight!" 
 cried the Buccaneer, as he brought his stick down heavily upon 
 old Dogvane's back. " Begone thou veritable wind bag. Do 
 you wish to thrust me down on my knees before all the world ? 
 It was not by eating humble pie, fellow, that I have grown to what 
 I am. Get thee hence ere I break every bone in thy body; thou 
 weigher of scruples, thou splitter of straws. Where now is all 
 that money I gave thee over this affair with the Bandit ? " 
 
 " Master ! master ! " cried Dogvane as he cowered beneath the 
 anger of the old Sea King, and fell down on his knees before him. 
 " Be not hard upon your servant. Have I not served you faith- 
 fully these many long years ? When I had charge of your till did 
 you not make more money than ever you have since? Did not 
 your pence grow into shillings, and your shillings into pounds ? 
 Have not my eyes grown dim, and my hair sparse and grey, in 
 your service ? Then bear with me a little while." 
 
 The Buccaneer was slightly mollified. " Ah ! " he said, " like 
 
250 ' Lip of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 many another old servant, you trade, Master Dogvane, upon the 
 past, and think that your master will bear any amount of careless- 
 ness and bungling now for the sake of what has been done before. 
 If in days gone by you made money for me, you have taken very 
 good care to squander it since. But there must be a limit to the 
 endurance even of the best of masters. Have you not dishon- 
 oured me in the eyes of my neighbours ? Is your memory so 
 short that you have forgotten their reception of me ? Have you 
 forgotten the scorn of some ? the indifference of others ? Have 
 you forgotten the revilings of the Egyptian gipsy ? Have you not 
 estranged my friends from me and made me a must elephant of 
 the herd, to wander out into the wilderness? Through you is not 
 the charge laid against me that I have turned my back upon my 
 enemies, and have you not so lowered me in the estimation of my 
 neighbours, that the smallest dog amongst them barks at me ? " 
 
 " Master" 
 
 " Stay, fellow ! I have not finished with you yet. While you 
 prated about economy and peace you have run me deep into 
 debt ; while the wake of the old Ship of State, during the time 
 you have been at the helm, has been constantly smeared with 
 blood." 
 
 " Good master, the blood rests not upon my head, but upon 
 that of the other watch. All the trouble that I have got into 
 has been owing to the dreadful inheritance they left me." 
 
 " That, Master Dogvane, is too stale a cry to be readily be- 
 lieved It is an old trick, and not altogether a reputable one, for 
 one servant to try and saddle another with the fruits of his own 
 stupidity, or carelessness. But where is that eleven millions I 
 gave you for a certain purpose ? " 
 
 " Good master, it is true that I have a little outrun the con- 
 stable; but 1 have had to recompense Abdur for the damage done, 
 and I have had to buy his friendship. Then the stupendous pre- 
 parations I made were costly, and though there may not be very 
 much to show for the money, yet no doubt a bloody war was 
 averted, many lives saved, and in the long run, much money." 
 
 i{ A war averted, Master Dogvane, I have been told, is only a 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 251 
 
 war postponed, and that when once put off it generally comes at 
 a most inconvenient time, and is likely to prove most costly. To 
 strike promptly and hard, experience has proved to be the better 
 plan, and the cheapest both in men and money. Begone from 
 my sight, fellow, for I begin to know thec. I may be s'ow to 
 anger, but when once roused, those who displease me had better 
 beware of me." 
 
 Thus it was that old Dogvane, the captain of the Starboard 
 Watch, fell under his master's displeasure. As is always the case 
 directly fortune begins to frown on a man, his enemies crop up 
 by the scores in every direction, and all add a little to the victim's 
 shortcomings, memories for which are long. It is a noble idea 
 that of not kicking a man when he is down ; but it seems to be 
 honoured well in the breach. Once let a man trip and he is 
 spared by few. It seems to be a law of nature to attack the 
 wounded. The birds of the air do it and the beasts of the field, 
 and the savage drives his spear into his wounded enemy. Civilis- 
 ation uses other weapons than the steel-tipped ones ; but they are 
 none the less keen and effectual, for a wounded spirit often gets 
 the sharp shaft of scorn sent clean through it. There is no mark 
 of violence on the body, but there is a wound within that never 
 heals. 
 
 Things went from bad to worse with old Dogvane until one day 
 he and his watch were kicked, without ceremony, over the ship's 
 side. What brought the final catastrophe about was that Dog- 
 vane very unwisely, or some of his hands, tried to tamper with 
 the old Buccaneer's drink. Touch him on his stomach and you 
 made an enemy of him at once. Chips no longer sang, and Billy 
 Cheeks, the burly butcher, was more gloomy than ever. He was 
 not a man of mirth. Even his jokes were heavy, but perhaps his 
 trade affected his disposition ; it often does. The cheery little 
 cook never lost heart, and as they rowed ashore he gave them a 
 tune on his barrel organ, and gave them a song in which he ridi- 
 culed the prominent men of the other watch, and, as a matter of 
 course, the members of the Buccaneer's Upper Chamber came in 
 for their fair share of good-natured criticism or abuse. As has 
 
252 ' Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 been said, no one saw a blemish in a neighbour sooner than the 
 cook, and if that neighbour happened to be one of the lords tem- 
 poral, Pepper prodded him well with jeer, jest, and sneer. 
 
 As Dogvane and his mess-mates rowed ashore in disgrace, 
 several heads appeared looking over the bulwarks of the after part 
 of the old ship. These were the occupants of the Upper Chamber, 
 who crawled from their state room like rats from their hole?, 
 when the cat is away. The old Church Hulk seemed to awake 
 as from a deep slumber, and presently a hymn of praise and of 
 thanksgiving rose up and was borne upon the breeze all over the 
 Buccaneer's island, and the hearts of all the great Church dignita- 
 ries and their many followers rejoiced that the Lord had for the 
 time being saved them from the hands of the Philistines ; or in 
 other words from Pepper, and Billy Cheeks. All on board the 
 old Church Hulk, and very many others amongst the Buccaneer's 
 people, fully believed that if once the moorings of the old Hulk 
 were slipped and she was allowed to drift away from the Ship of 
 State, the days of the Buccaneer would be surely numbered. 
 Respectability declared that she could never then go to church, 
 for that she certainly could not listen to a priest, who, no matter 
 however good a Christian he might be, was not a gentleman, for 
 it must be known that all Christians of the various other denomi- 
 nations outside the old Church Hulk, were scarcely deemed to 
 belong to that extremely rare and privileged class. 
 
CHAPTER XXXIX. 
 
 As the Starboard went ashore the Port Watch came on board, 
 all with their new brooms. There was the Captain, Bob Mainstay, 
 by name, and his first Lieutenant, Ben Backstay, a good sailor and 
 true. There was also a full compliment of other officers and 
 men. Amongst the rest there was the cheery little midshipman, 
 Random Jack, who was now on the eve of his promotion. It 
 was wonderful how this little fellow had pushed himself to the 
 front. 
 
 Wonders, it is known, never cease ; but it was a strange sight to 
 see the Port Watch rowed on board by Ojabberaway boatmen. 
 When the weather-beaten old captain of the other watch saw 
 this he smiled in a manner that was peculiar to him and said : 
 " That won't last i " Then, as if speaking to himself, he added, 
 " I wonder now, what was their price. Humph ! there is nothing 
 that Bob Mainstay can either promise, or give, that I cannot go 
 beyond. Unless indeed, he and his crew chuck overboard all 
 their principles. Ah ! there's the rub. Principles and politics 
 don't always pull together, and politics often, being the stronger 
 of the two, pulls principles round with a bang." 
 
 Now there was an animated discussion all along the hard and 
 amongst the Press, as to whether or not the Port Watch had been 
 rowed on board by the Ojabberaways. Many were prepared to 
 swear that it was so ; that there could be no mistake about the 
 matter. Others declared it was one of those optical delusions 
 which are for ever happening to surprise and mystify people. 
 Those who see the supernatural in almost everything, declared 
 that this was merely a deception brought about by the devil, 
 The Buccaneer's people were ready to believe almost anything 
 just according to the party they belonged to, or the principles they 
 
254 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 professed. Indeed their credulity was so great in most things 
 that the cunning rogue frequently reaped a rich harvest out of 
 them. Astrologers were all dead, but the people, some of them, 
 still dabbled in magic and believed in spiritualism. 
 
 Before the Port Watch left the shore they promised to do no 
 end of things and their parting with the poor Beggar Woman, 
 Patriotism, was most affecting. They said that so long as they 
 had charge of the old Ship she should want for nothing. In fact 
 everybody was to be made happy and like the ending of all good 
 books, and works of fiction, virtue on all sides was to be rewarded. 
 But the atmosphere of that old Ship clouded the best of memories. 
 Besides, every one knows that promises are quite as cumbersome 
 baggage as a conscience, and all those who wish to get on in the 
 world must unload themselves of the one, as readily as they do of 
 the other. 
 
 Many of the crew of the Ship of State kept their consciences 
 on board of the old Hulk alongside, where they were cleaned 
 and repaired and sent for when wanted. 
 
 The daily press having had their usual battle, settled down to 
 dictate to the watch in charge what they had to do and what they 
 had not to do. Indirectly it pretty well ruled the roast ; told the 
 captain what man he was to put here, and what man there ; but 
 Captain Mainstay filled up his different posts according to his 
 own way of thinking, always bearing in view, of course, the Buc- 
 caneer's cherished custom. All this took some little time, for you 
 cannot get things to fit on such principles all of a sudden. Acci- 
 dents will happen, and chance will occasionally put a square man 
 into a square hole and then he has with much difficulty to be 
 pulled out and a round hole found for him. 
 
 New brooms invariably sweep clean and the Port Watch set 
 themselves to work to clean up the mess left behind by old Dog- 
 vane and his lot. No one kicked up more dust than did the, at 
 one time, little middy, who for his good behaviour was made 
 steward of the household of the Buccaneer's Indian Princess. It 
 was his duty to watch over her ; to guard her against her enemies 
 and especially to keep an eye upon the wicked Bandit of the East. 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 255 
 
 They all agreed for once, and declared that old Dogvane had 
 left things in a terrible state of muddle, and they were unanimous 
 in the belief that they had only stepped on board just in the nick 
 of time to save the old Buccaneer from complete ruin ; but this 
 belief was also common to the other watch when they took 
 charge. The cook's galley they said was in a shocking state and 
 full of nothing but cheese parings ; while he had scribbled all 
 over the place, " the Upper Chamber must be destroyed." All 
 people have their peculiarities, their whims and their fancies, and 
 the clever little cook was not without his. 
 
 When the cook reached the shore, he went about with his 
 barrel organ and sang songs about the iniquities of the other 
 watch ; of their indecent haste to get on board the old Ship and 
 grab the emoluments attached to the several offices. The cook 
 being placed in easy circumstances, by the profits he received from 
 his barrel organ, could afford to be virtuously indignant. 
 
 Scarcely had the Port Watch settled down to their work than 
 things went wrong with them. They did not in shaping their 
 course make due allowance for the current of Public opinion, 
 which at times set very strong, and the old Ship of State got into 
 difficulties. Over the ship's side they went as quickly as they 
 had climbed on board and the helm was again placed in the hands 
 of that experienced old salt, William Dogvane, who was, however, 
 requested by the Buccaneer to keep his weather eye open, for 
 that if he caught him again napping it would be the worse for him. 
 
 " Master," said the captain, " it is no use your putting me on 
 board this old ship unless you give me powers sufficient to keep 
 the wild and mutinous Ojabberaways in order. They are simply 
 playing the very devil." 
 
 This to the Buccaneer was a hopeful sign, for Dogvane had 
 always been accused of sympathizing with this people and indeed 
 of playing into their hands. With Dogvane came the conspirators 
 of the cook's caboose. They still held together, though the car- 
 penter was drifting away from his old comrades, into a purer and 
 brighter atmosphere. The cook was like that pattern sailor, Billy 
 Taylor, full of mirth and full of glee. 
 
256 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 One fine morning the whole of the Buccaneer's island was 
 awakened by a great hubbub on board of the old Ship. The 
 Church Hulk was slumbering in a peaceful repose after her recent 
 rude shaking. She had again settled down to her usual state. 
 
 Notwithstanding what old Dogvane had said to the contrary he 
 soon began intriguing with the Ojabberaways and he made a 
 rapid shift, coming to the conclusion that nothing would make 
 the Ojabberaways eternally happy, but to give them everything 
 they wanted. He said the old Ship thus lightened would ride 
 easily ever afterwards. The cook, however, true to his hobby, said 
 that it would be a great pity to waste the Ojabberaways when there 
 was the whole of the Buccaneer's Upper Chamber weighing the 
 old Ship down by the stern, and generally retarding her progress, 
 and interfering considerably with her steering. 
 
 Things looked very bad, and Random Jack who was ashore was 
 most eloquent, and declared for his part he should never be sur- 
 prised to see a flare up on board the old Ship, when, no doubt, 
 honest sailors would come by their dues. The noise upon the 
 Ship of State roused up the crew of the ship alongside, for if 
 there was to be a mutiny, or any thing of that kind going on, they 
 felt sure they would be boarded, robbed, and cast adrift. 
 
CHAPTER XL." 
 
 * ' ' ' ' ' ; 
 
 JUST as people had conjectured ; there was a mutiny on board the 
 old ship, and amongst the Starboard Watcb, which pld;Dogvane 
 had allowed to get a little out of hand. - *-,''.:-:- 
 
 Even the conspirators of the cook's caboosrQ frefg'torn asunder^ 
 and the hand of the cook wished to grapple round the throat of 
 the carpenter. The cook abused poor Chips "right merrily, and 
 called him every name under the sun, and-, would: allow him no 
 virtue, and very little intelligence. Pepper, -.with -Bitty Cheeks the 
 burly butcher, stuck to their captain with .an affection- that was 
 pleasant to see, and there could not be a doubt that if all went well 
 with the captain, these two would be amply rewarded for their 
 fidelity. But the cabal of the cook's caboose- was -completely 
 broken up. 7 . 
 
 The carpenter now behaved in a mariner that did him very 
 great credit, and surprised not a few. He turned: his back upon 
 the cook and the butcher, and this so displeased them that they 
 never after had a good word to say for him. - 
 
 It is most fortunate that this mutiny, unlike -most other 
 mutinies, was unattended with any bloodshed or loss of life, and 
 of course, this being the case, it lost very much of its interest. 
 Neither was the old Ship of State scuttled and then run on shore, 
 robbed, plundered, and abandoned. NF did the crew fall upon 
 each other in the division of the plunder, cutting each other's throats 
 and otherwise conducting themselves as is- usual on such occasions, 
 though it must be said that the Ojabberaways excited fear in 
 many a breast. 
 
 How long the idea of freeing this people had been a quiet oc- 
 cupant of old Dogvane's breast, smouldering there as such things 
 generally do, it is impossible to say. He was sphinxlike and 
 
258 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 could not be read. Nor was it at all easy to tell which way he 
 would go, or what he would do ; for he at all times made what is 
 said to be the true and proper use of language, namely to dis- 
 guise his thoughts. He also found it a most useful means of 
 either screening an advance into an unknown, and unfriendly 
 country, and also to cover his retreat when beaten. The upshot 
 of the mutiny in the Starboard Watch was, that one fine morning 
 our old Buccaneer woke up to find that Dogvane, his trusted 
 captain, in whom he had placed so much confidence, had gone 
 over bag and baggage to the Ojabberaways, and that he had 
 taken with him Pepper the cook, and Billy Cheeks the burly 
 butcher. 
 
 The captain had apparently come to a hurried conclusion, and 
 had risen in the dead of night, and having hastily stowed away 
 his sea chest, and called to his side his beloved son, the small 
 band deserted their old comrades, and turned their backs upon 
 them for ever. 
 
 When all these things became noised abroad, very great was 
 the consternation, and it set many tongues wagging, and all kinds 
 of things were said. The carpenter was very much applauded 
 even by those who at one time had plentifully abused him ; but 
 in this world of ours nothing lasts long ; the sinner of to-day is 
 the saint of to-morrow, and the only thing needful is to wait. 
 Chips, the carpenter, was now thought fit company for the noblest 
 in the land ; no doubt, all this was most gratifying, and if it had 
 not been for the constant prods, that the cook kept on giving him 
 with his flesh fork, the prongs of which were dipped in gall ; and 
 the occasional sarcasms hurled at him by Billy Cheeks, no doubt 
 Chips would have been a happy man. 
 
 As is always the case on such occasions, vague rumours got 
 about, some of which turned out in the end to be true. It was. 
 said, upon what was supposed to be very good authority, that 
 Dogvane was to be crowned king of the Ojabberaways, and all,, 
 both friends and enemies, wished him joy. 
 
 There are those who go about seeking kingdoms ; carpet-bag 
 kings in fact, but Dogvane was not one of these kind of pedlars,. 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 259 
 
 though if a kingdom was thrust upon him, of course he could not 
 help himself. 
 
 It is very much to be regretted that ill-nature did not spare 
 Captain Dogvane ; but it did not, and very many most improbable 
 stories now got wind. It was said, amongst othor things, that 
 every night before going to bed, when anything had gone wrong 
 with him in the day, that he tore up his night shirt. The story 
 is scarcely worthy of credence, but even if it were true, history 
 affords many examples of a like nature. We are told on the most 
 reliable authority that the Patriarchs of old whenever they were 
 put about invariably rent their garments, and even King David 
 himself, it would appear, was very much given to this practice. 
 A king of course can do no wrong ; but amongst people of lower 
 degree the habit should be discountenanced, both on the score 
 of expense, and of decency. 
 
 It was also said that Pepper was to be rewarded for his fidelity 
 to his master by being made court jester to Dogvane, king of the 
 Ojabberaways, and that in addition, he was to be chancellor of the 
 exchequer, custodian of the Ojabberaways' morals, and a teacher 
 to them of manners. These offices were brought under one head 
 for the sake of economy, and as Pepper was an enemy to all 
 official extravagance, this combination pleased him. All thought 
 he would have quite enough to do ; but then Pepper was an able 
 man, and what to others would have been fraught with very great 
 difficulty, was to him a matter of ease. It is a happy thing to be 
 especially endowed by Providence. Billy Cheeks, the burly 
 butcher, was also promoted from his humble position on board the 
 old Ship of State, so it was said, to be minister of justice to the 
 king of the Ojabberaways, for he had some legal knowledge and 
 gravity enough for a judge, and as things were to be conducted on 
 strictly economical principles, he was also to preside over the 
 Ojabberaways' High Court of Assassination. He was to be also 
 the keeper of the king's conscience. It was thought that he also 
 would have enough to do. 
 
 Again did the Port Watch step on board with that jaunty and 
 devil-me-care air, so peculiar to sailors. Random Jack was given 
 
260 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 a higher post even than that which he had held before ; for he 
 was made keeper of the Till and holder of the Buccaneer's Great 
 Purse, offices only held by men of the most approved ability, and 
 integrity. Many believed that he was destined on some future 
 day to command one of the watches, but there seemed to be 
 some difference of opinion as to which. Many indeed there 
 were who pinned their faith to Random Jack, and many there 
 also were who asked themselves how it was that he had thus 
 made his way. Some affirmed that it was by his undoubted 
 ability, but quite as many declared that it was by his unbounded 
 impudence, frequently called self-confidence. Possibly it was by 
 a happy combination of the above two qualities that he had been 
 so successful. Certain it is that no man can expect to rise to a 
 great height unless he has a good share of the last of the above 
 virtues, for it is the only one that the world truly appreciates. 
 
 Of all things there is nothing like success. The middy 
 now, instead of being ridiculed, sneered at, and flouted, was 
 taken up, and those who before would have passed him by 
 without bestowing upon him even so much as a supercilious nod 
 now claimed an acquaintance with him, and declared that they 
 had seen all along the superior stuff he was made of. 
 
 Those people who know everything, and they are so many that 
 it is little short of a wonder that the world still keeps so un in- 
 lightened, said they should never be surprised to find that Ran- 
 dom Jack had entered into an alliance with the carpenter, and 
 obtained through him and others the command of the Starboard 
 Watch ; but the carpenter was an ambitious man. Upon the old 
 cox'sn being asked his opinion about Random Jack, he gave it, 
 as was his custom, and according to his own fashion. " The lad 
 is good enough, d'ye see. He has parts, and he's got his head 
 pointing in the right direction; if only he has his ballast all 
 aboard. But, my mates, he seems a bit light at times, and does 
 not stand up well to his canvas, but that will come in due course ; 
 that will come when he has trimmed his ship a bit. Then 
 he has a knack of steering a bit wide at times ; now coming up 
 in the eye of the wind, until he is nearly taken aback ; then veer- 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 261 
 
 ing away until he nearly wears round on the other tack, why, his 
 wake, my lads, is about as straight as a cork-screw. Give him 
 more ballast, and a steadier hand at the helm, and the lad will 
 steer a good course through life. Them's my sentiments, mates." 
 
 But one fine day when Random Jack was sailing pleasantly 
 along with all plain sail set to a fair wind of public opinion, he 
 suddenly, without rhyme or reason, put his helm down, and 
 everything went by the board, and Random Jack was left a sport 
 to the waves of Fortune, without either sails or rudder, and it was 
 doubtful whether he would ever again make the fair land of 
 Promise. 
 
 But before all this a sad thing happened on board the old Ship 
 of State. The first lieutenant of the Port Watch, honest Ben 
 Backstay, had, so many people thought, been treated in a some- 
 what scurvy manner, not only by the captain of the watch, but by 
 some of his messmates. On one occasion he was tripped up, it 
 was said, by Random Jack and another, and poor old Ben was 
 hurt considerably, though like the brave sailor that he was, he 
 never uttered a word of complaint ; but as a slight reward he was 
 kicked upstairs into the Buccaneer's Upper Chamber, thereby 
 falling under the displeasure of the immortal Pepper. 
 
 If honest Ben had any feelings he never showed them, and of 
 course, not doing so they were not respected. One morning the 
 whole ship's crew were stricken with sorrow, for Ben, while at his 
 post, heard Him whom all must obey, call his name ; so leaving 
 his body below, his soul soared up aloft. The flag of the old Ship 
 of State was half masted, and minute guns were fired. The bells 
 from the church towers tolled out the mournful news, and the 
 Church Hulk sent up to Heaven a requiem on behalf of poor 
 Ben. He was a staunch friend of this old Ship, and she could ill 
 afford, in such perilous times, to lose even one supporter. The 
 Buccaneer mourned the loss of his trusty servant, and he kept a 
 small spot in his heart wherein to plant a few flowers of memory 
 to honest Ben Backstay, and as they towed him to his last moor- 
 ings, the old Buccaneer said : " Let us all hope that poor Ben 
 Backstay, like poor Tom Bowling, may find pleasant weather, 
 
262 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 until He who all commands, shall give to call life's crew together 
 the word, to pipe all hands." There was much sorrowing in the 
 land, and many a heart was sad. 
 
 Ah ! the human heart is but a grave-yard, where lie buried 
 many hopes that never survive even their first childhood ; many 
 ambitions cut off in all the freshness of youth, and many friends. 
 As we live, we bear there from time to time, the cherished remains 
 of someone, or of something we love. In our lonely hours we 
 sit by these silent graves, and shed many warm tears of sorrow 
 over them ; wishing oftentimes, that we could bring back the 
 dead. Thus we sit, and sit, and mourn, and mourn, day after 
 day, and night after night. At length our sun sets, and our eyes 
 grow dim in the waning light, until at last they close forever. 
 AVith us we take our little grave-yard, with all its flowers, and 
 bear it away into the great darkness of eternity. 
 
CHAPTER XLI. 
 
 THINGS with the Buccaneer had so gone from bad to worse and 
 so preyed upon his mind that his body became affected and he 
 was seized with illness of a lingering kind ; but the nature of his 
 illness no one knew. 
 
 Now his island was celebrated for men skilled in the treatment 
 of every known disease that man is heir to. Many of these men 
 were specialists, that is to say, they bestowed the whole of their 
 labour and attention upon some one particular disease, or part of 
 the human body. Others again were faddists, that is, they pinned 
 their faith to some particular course of treatment. One of these 
 tried upon the Buccaneer total abstinence, but he got so weak 
 and irritable that this man was shown the door. He went away 
 perfectly well satisfied that the Buccaneer's life was merely a 
 matter of days. Another doctor was called in, who declared he 
 was no advocate for slops and physic. A generous, but plain 
 diet, with plenty of fish to strengthen the brain, the whole washed 
 down by a tablespoonful of whisky diluted well with water, twice 
 a day, was all that was required ; but on no account to touch 
 claret, which, he declared, was little better than poison, while 
 sherry was molten lead to the strongest stomach. This advice 
 was not given in the above simple terms, for no little of the phy- 
 sician's skill depends upon a grave deportment, and the use of a 
 language altogether unintelligible to the ordinary mind. Then 
 when by long familiarity the understanding does begin to grasp a 
 name, a new denomination is found for an old complaint, or some- 
 thing fresh is manufactured out of the weakness of the human 
 body. The above treatment was acceptable for a time ; but it 
 soon began to pall upon one who had all his life been accustomed 
 to good living, so another doctor had to be tried. When this 
 
264 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 eminent man heard of the course prescribed by his predecessor, 
 he raised his eyebrows and smiled in a grave and wise manner ; 
 there being no approach, however, to coarse and vulgar mirth. 
 " Ah ! " he said, as he read over the prescription and order of 
 diet, " brother Grain is a very clever fellow, without doubt, but he 
 has his whims and fancies. Whisky he swears by, because he 
 likes it himself; but I confidently assert that you cannot drink 
 anything very much worse. A. little good sound claret, not any 
 of those mixtures, mind you, that are made at home, but a good r 
 pure, wholesome, sound, and not manufactured wine. This, and a 
 diet of game, or fowl, will bring you relief. The nature of your 
 disease is 4a be .explained simply thus : Imperfect mastication 
 and a slight- weakness of the salivary glands not bringing about a 
 healthy deglutition there is in consequence a corresponding loss 
 of chymifieation> followed by imperfect chylification, and thus the 
 food is not properly acted upon before it passes through the 
 pyloric opening into the duodenum. Having had the above ex- 
 plained to you m this simple and unpedantic manner, you will, no- 
 doubt, my dear sir, feel very much more at ease." Having thus 
 delivered himself, the doctor took both his fee and his departure. 
 s How sad it is~that ..the poor human body cannot run through 
 its brie span of Jife^.without having to carry about inside it a 
 bottled-up disease of some kind or other, which in time eats 
 through the cork,.. o& stopper, and flows out all over the system, 
 poisoning, every thing. Taking away all sunshine, all happiness, 
 until at length it dries up the channels of life ; not sparing either 
 the great and rich, but attacking the mighty as well as the lowly ; 
 not leaving alone so great a man even as our bold Buccaneer. 
 It is sad, but then there is a crowd waiting for us to move on. 
 
 After the faddists came the specialists. Each one of these saw 
 in the Buccaneer's illness some one of the symptoms of his own 
 especial disease. Many of these most eminent men met in con- 
 sultation, and there was a great diversity of opinion. Each of the 
 learned physicians flew at once to his particular part of the Buc- 
 caneer's body. One said he was suffering from dropsy and that 
 nothing woul.d save him but immediate tapping. Another said it 
 
 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer'. 26$ 
 
 was stone, while a third was equally sure it was his kidneys that 
 were affected ; this happening to be at the time the fashionable 
 disease. The exploring needle was thrust into every part of the 
 patient's body, with the result that some skulking disease was said 
 to be at the end of it, like a base conspirator plotting at the great 
 man's life. They one and all agreed, however, that the patient 
 was suffering from plethora, brought about by a too generous diet, 
 which so often accompanied very great prosperity. So before 
 they left they bled him freely ; but still he neither recovered nor 
 did he mend. 
 
 Only one set of specialists dare not approach him, and these 
 were the mad doctors ; those who treated the human mind. So 
 sensitive was the Buccaneer on this point that it was extremely 
 dangerous to mention the subject of insanity. He allowed all his 
 idiots and maniacs to go about at large, and he never interfered 
 with them until they killed some one, or outraged society by some 
 scandalous act of indecency. They were then locked up to keep 
 them from doing further injury. 
 
 The old coxswain stood by his master and prevented him from 
 being either starved, bled, or physiced to death, His neighbours 
 too, all took a kind interest in his welfare. Looked in just to see 
 how he was getting on, and to see how long he was likely to last 
 Said they hoped he would soon recover ; but in their hearts they 
 hoped he never wculd. On their faces, as is the custom, they 
 wore a deep look of concern ; sympathised with all his sufferings, 
 and told him to cheer up, for that they felt confident he would 
 pull through. Inwardly they were considering what of the Bucca- 
 neer's property they would lay their hands upon, when the old 
 gentleman became too weak to defend himself. This is not 
 hypocrisy, it springs from that most laudable motive of not wish- 
 ing to prolong the suffering, or hurt the feelings, even of a rival. 
 
 But what caused the poor old gentleman more annoyance than 
 anything was the way some of the members of his family behaved, 
 taking advantage of the old gentleman's state of health to pester 
 him almost to death, and would not take no, for an answer. His 
 daughters even gave him no peace, and their shrill voices were 
 
266 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 to be heard even above the men's, clamouring for all kind of 
 things. 
 
 Some of them put on their nursing caps and bib-aprons and fell 
 to wrangling amongst themselves as to how the sick man was to 
 be treated, while at one end of the room, one Zedekiah Cant, had 
 enthroned himself, and held forth, by way of comforting the sick 
 man's soul, upon the horrors of hell. This reverend gentleman 
 had slipped into the room while t\vo priests belonging to the old 
 Church Hulk fell foul of each other on the door-step over a matter 
 of orthodoxy. 
 
 The old coxswain tried his best to keep them all quiet, and he 
 read many of them a lecture ; but just as he had succeeded in 
 establishing a little peace in rushed one of the daughters the one 
 who, at the march-past of the disaffected, had begged that all 
 violent death might be banished from the Buccaneer's kingdom. 
 " Look here, sir," she exclaimed, holding up a pigeon. " It's 
 dead ! " 
 
 " Who is dead ? " cried the old Buccaneer, as he raised himself 
 up in bed, and looked fiercely round like some old terrier who on 
 a sudden smells a rat. " Has anything happened to the Eastern 
 Bandit?" he asked. The ruling passion it is well known is strong 
 even in death. 
 
 " Far, far worse, sir," cried his daughter. " In wanton sport 
 your cruel-minded sons have killed this poor, unoffending bird. 
 Its life has been sacrificed to provide a holiday for the idle." 
 
 The Buccaneer finding that it was not his old rival who had 
 come to grief, sank down again and appeared quite unconcerned. 
 Miss Progress now requested silence and she at once commenced 
 to lecture the Buccaneer upon the theory of atoms ; but even this 
 did not seem to revive the drooping spirits of the sick man. It, 
 however, edified the lecturer to no small degree, therefore it was 
 not altogether barren of results. No sooner had this daughter 
 finished than another came forward, until at length the Buccaneer, 
 who was not ill enough to stand all this worrying, requested his 
 coxswain to pack the whole lot about their business. This he 
 did with extreme pleasure, and he assisted Zedekiah downstairs 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 267 
 
 with the toe of his boot. As he was kicked out of the front door 
 he was attacked and well rated by the two clerical disputants, who 
 dropped their discussion to do battle with him. 
 
 The old coxswain took this to be a good sign, " Ah ! " he said 
 to himself, " if my old master would only rip out an oath or two, 
 like he used to in our good old fighting days, it would gladden my 
 heart and I would say there's life in the old dog yet" 
 
 Now there lived in the Buccaneer's island a celebrated quack, 
 Doctor Politics by name, and there was scarcely anything that this 
 man was not supposed to be capable of doing. He had prac- 
 tised long and with success and he was said to be extremely 
 clever ; having a remedy for everything as most quacks have, 
 and as he suited his fees to every pocket he did a very good busi- 
 ness, and was becoming more powerful in the Buccaneer's island 
 every day he lived. No doubt this man had worked some very 
 great cures and had brought relief to many suffering bodies ; but 
 the great quack, like all great men, had his failings. Having been 
 successful in some things he thought himself skilled in all, and his 
 bearing soon became presumptuous and offensive in the extreme. 
 People, however, believed in him, and that was all that was neces- 
 sary. Of course he made mistakes at times, and his patients 
 occasionally slipped through his hands, and occasionally the cure 
 was worse than the disease ; but accidents will happen even to 
 the cleverest men, and when he made a mistake very little was heard 
 of it. 
 
 In an evil hour the Buccaneer put himself entirely in the hands 
 of this physician, who when he entered the sick man's room, 
 began to make great alterations both in medicine and diet. 
 He was a most expensive man and his fees were exorbitant, but 
 to one as wealthy as the Buccaneer, money is no object, and 
 indeed he thought all the better for those things which he paid 
 well for. 
 
 " Sir," said the quack, " I have only been called in just in time. 
 You are suffering from a very severe depression, brought about by 
 too good living." In this he seemed to agree with the other 
 physicians. "Your constitution is impaired, and even endangered, 
 
268 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 and your interior economy is altogether wrong. I will prescribe 
 for you a strict regimen. Every action must be regulated by law, 
 I will Jay down for you what you are to eat, and what you are to 
 drink, how much, and at what times. Your hours of labour shall 
 be defined, and also your hours for recreation ; the latter I will 
 in time make to equal, or exceed, the hours of toil. Your hours 
 of sleep shall also be regulated, and indeed every action of your 
 life shall be brought under proper control, so that you need 
 never trouble yourself about anything, and any independent 
 thought on your part, or even action, will be quite unnecessary 
 and altogether out of place." 
 
 As is well known old servants frequently presume upon their 
 position, and old Jack was no exception to the rule, so he said, 
 " We have enough of your sort of medicine, doctor, on hand 
 already and to spare. What my master wants is a little more 
 freedom." 
 
 The doctor looked up from the work he was at and said, 
 " Indeed, may 1 ask, my good sir, at what college you took your 
 degree ? Are you one of those narrow-minded bigots, who not 
 being able to see beyond your own nose, which by the way seems 
 to me to be an unusually long one, declare that all beyond is 
 ignorance and folly ? Pray, may I ask if you are homoeopath, or 
 allopath ? " 
 
 The old coxswain took no notice but creeping up to his 
 master he whispered in his ear, " Master, master, have a care. 
 This fellow is weaving a straight waistcoat for you, and God only 
 knows, you are cramped enough as it is." 
 
 But the Buccaneer did not understand his old friend and so 
 the quack continued his work, and presently said, addressing the 
 coxswain, "Well, my man, I will have nothing to do with you, and 
 as you are likely to interfere with my treatment with your cut and 
 dried notions, your room will be better than your company. 
 Your master requires no fruit of the medlar kind." 
 
 " If your medicine," replied Jack, " is of the same kind as your 
 joke, it won't kill with laughter if it does not cure, and there's 
 comfort in that." 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 269 
 
 "Begone, thou dotard ! " cried the quack, "and mumble your 
 old wives' sayings to old wives' ears." Thus was poor old Jack 
 banished from his master's room. One of the accusations brought 
 against the Buccaneer was that he turned his back upon his 
 friends. About the truth of this it is not necessary to trouble ; in 
 such things, and indeed in many others that ill nature floats, there 
 is generally sufficient to give a colouring. One thing is certain, 
 he now allowed a well-tried, and honest old servant, to be put on 
 the wrong side of the door. 
 
 Like some faithful old dog, Jack hung about the place and 
 often, and often tried to steal into his master's room, just to see 
 how he was getting on. He swore he would be silent and not 
 utter a word, but poor old Jack's reputation for silence was not 
 great, and the quack doctor kept such an eye upon his patient 
 that he could scarcely dare move, or speak, without his authority. 
 The only consolation that old Jack had was to cry out in the 
 hearing of everybody, " Well, damme ! if this is liberty, give me 
 the four iron-windowed stone walls of a prison for choice." But 
 nobody seemed to heed him. 
 
 It was a sad sight to see this, at one time, daring old Buccaneer, 
 so fettered and bound. Many a good fight had he fought for the 
 sake of his freedom and after all it had only brought him to this. 
 Evils, it is well known, never come alone, and misfortune after 
 misfortune befell him, for one morning the merry round-faced sun 
 rose with a broader smile than usual upon his jolly red face. It 
 was found that Madam Liberty, of whom people had talked and 
 prated so much, and made such a to-do about, toadying, and 
 flattering her, on even the smallest occasion, had turned out to be 
 no better than she should have been. The precise name by 
 which she was known it is not necessary to mention. Women of 
 her class have at all times played conspicuous parts in the world's 
 history ; being even favoured of princes and other noble person- 
 ages, while one even was made the consort of an emperor and 
 sat upon an Eastern throne. But a greater surprise was still in 
 store for people, for one morning they rose up to find that the 
 modern Phryne had disappeared in a most mysterious manner 
 
270 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 and many believed that she had been made away with by her 
 son, Demos. This individual had now grown to great 
 consideration in the Buccaneer's island, and under the patronage 
 of the quack he had been made custodian of the household, and 
 keeper of the old Buccaneer's honour ; but the latter office under 
 his care soon became a mere sinecure. In turn Demos became 
 the master even of the quack, who had done so much to place 
 him where he was; but is not the story of kicking away the ladder 
 by which you have climbed, a very old one ? 
 
 The uncrowned queen, Respectability, still held her sway, but 
 her kingdom had become more confined, and she became a most 
 prim, and exclusive sovereign. The great quack doctor treated 
 her with the utmost consideration and politeness, and even 
 Demos, who was for pulling down everything, tried to gain her 
 over, but her majesty became extremely haughty and reserved, 
 and would have little or nothing to do with him. 
 
 But now the sorrow of sorrows has to be told. It was a wild 
 and stormy night. The rain swept over the island in blinding 
 sheets. The wind howled amongst the rigging of the old Ship of 
 State, and the wild waves dashed against the rock-bound coast, 
 throwing up clouds of spray, and roaring like hungry monsters, 
 eager to devour their prey. The old signboard over the door of 
 the Constitution public-house laboured to and fro in the blast, 
 and groaned every now and again as if in pain. The light from 
 a feeble lamp shed its uncertain rays upon two forms lying side 
 by side on the cold, damp earth, and the wind as it passed them 
 seemed to sing a funeral dirge to the Buccaneer's two best friends, 
 the Beggar Woman, Patriotism, and the old coxswain, Jack Com- 
 monsense. 
 
 The two of them had travelled side by side on the road to 
 Misfortune ; begging about from door to door, but they claimed 
 neither pity nor sympathy, all people being much too busy with 
 their own affairs to pay them any attention. At length they 
 dragged their starved bodies to die in front of the old house they 
 both loved so well. With the loss of these two the Buccaneer's 
 days, it was believed, were numbered. 
 
CHAPTER XLII. 
 
 LITTLE is left to be told now. The sick man occasionally rallied, 
 and he loved to dwell like most old men of every station in life, 
 upon his past. He was also given to occasional fits of boasting, 
 and when he did do anything he took good care to let all the 
 world know it. " Did you see that ! " he would cry out in an 
 ecstasy of delight "Did you see the mighty blow I struck? 
 Never in my palmiest days did I do better. Hide, hide your 
 diminished heads, ye Ramillies, Malplaquet, and Waterloo/' 
 These famous battles he loved to talk about. 
 
 He also took a strange delight in showering upon all his people 
 all kinds of honours or distinctions, and it was said that men were 
 decorated for doing little or nothing. This was a symptom of 
 decay. 
 
 Sometimes as he sat pillowed up in his invalid's chair, with the 
 great quack doctor in attendance upon him, he would mumble to 
 himself, "Aye, aye, I knew thee well. There was Wallop, he 
 swept the seas. There was brave Howard, Hawkins, Frobisher, 
 and the rest, and you, my little man ! No, no, I've not forgotten 
 Trafalgar and the Nile. Don't you remember them all, Jack ? 
 Jack ! Jack ! where's my cox'sn, he never used to play the truant," 
 but Jack never answered to his call, and the old man wandered 
 on. " Clack, clack go my windlasses ; yo ! ho ! cry my men. 
 Heave in, my lads. Sheet home and hoist up, and bear away for 
 the main." 
 
 The great quack smiled as he glanced his eyes up at the long 
 row of shelves, with their burdens of remedies, all of which had 
 been prescribed to meet some fresh complaint, and many a costly 
 dose had been given, which only aggravated the disease ; and of 
 many of the others, all that could be said was, that if they did no 
 
272 Life of a Celebrated Biiccaneer. 
 
 good, they at least did no harm ; but the straight waistcoat every 
 day received some slight addition, which contracted still more the 
 old Buccaneer's actions, until in time he could scarcely call his 
 soul his own. 
 
 Thus did this great man pass his declining years. Ruled over 
 by a tyrannical quack. Worried by his own children, to whom 
 he had given every indulgence, at the recommendation of Madam 
 Liberty, until it could with justice be said that they one and 
 all combined to bring the old Buccaneer's grey hairs with sorrow 
 to the grave. 
 
 It is usual in all books, and it is even necessary before you close 
 your pages to kill some of the characters, if not all. Sometimes 
 they die a natural death, at others they are either blown up with 
 gun-powder, or otherwise made away ; either with the steel blade, 
 or the leaden bullet of the assassin. The characters who have 
 strutted for a brief space'upon the pages of this history must be 
 allowed to die peacefully. The star of Dogvane, the king of the 
 Ojabberaways, after resting for a short while over the green isle 
 of his adoption, set forever in the Western Ocean. His chief 
 jester, the merry Pepper, the man of infinite wisdom and resource, 
 also passed away. Dogvane was never allowed to carry out his 
 grand design of covering the naked population of the Soudan in 
 home-made fabrics. Nor was - the cook soothed in his last 
 moments by seeing the object of his life accomplished, namely, 
 the total abolition of the Buccaneer's Upper Chamber ; conse- 
 quently we cannot imagine that his end was peace. 
 
 It is a pity that Death is no respecter of persons ; had he been, 
 the gifted Pepper, would, no doubt,' "have been spared to amuse 
 and enlighten the world. Of the other conspirators of the cook's 
 -caboose, after having served their allotted time, they also passed 
 away, and it is not recorded that Billy Cheeks, before he died, set 
 fire to the waters of the river that flowed by the Buccaneer's chief 
 city. The carpenter rose high in his master's household, and 
 carried to his grave a goodly load of honour. Of the rest, let 
 history tell what truth or what lies it likes, here no more will be 
 recorded. It will be remembered that our bold Buccaneer was 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 273 
 
 at one time sorely grieved because he only Tiad one general. 
 This seemed to prey so upon his mind in his last days, that he 
 tried to make amends for his past neglect by making generals by 
 the score, whether they were fitted for the position or not ; nor 
 did the Buccaneer stop here, for he gave military titles to nearly 
 all his sons, in the hope, no doubt, that amongst the crowd there 
 might be one military genius, or perhaps two. 
 
 But stranger things were yet in store for the world, and a graver 
 symptom of decaying power had yet to manifest itself. It has 
 been already said that no man ever did more to degrade noble 
 distinctions and marks of honour than did this, at one time, 
 celebrated Buccaneer, in his declining years. It is true that he 
 had not sunk quite so low as one of his neighbours, who sold 
 such things for a mere money consideration ; but he had in his 
 latter years gone some considerable way even in this direction, 
 for he had made money a stepping-stone to preferment. The 
 one who placed drunkenness within easy reach of his people, 
 might reasonably expect to be made a peer. The successful oil- 
 man, or grocer, who had made his five talents into ten, need not 
 despair of earning the at one time honourable distinction of 
 knighthood, while any one who served his party well, even 
 if it were to the discredit of his country, was pretty certain to be 
 ennobled. The number of new creations was so great, that his 
 heraldic officers were nearly worn-out with finding ancestors and 
 pedigrees for all these great people, and it was wonderful what 
 things their industry, and their ingenuity, brought to light. Fre- 
 quently they followed the poet's art and gave " to airy nothing a 
 local habitation and a name." 
 
 Had he promoted all his cooks to seats in the Council Cham- 
 ber it would not have been so very extraordinary a thing, con- 
 sidering the part that cooks play in this world of ours. The 
 Buccaneer now put a climax to his folly by one day making all 
 his tinkers lords, and all his tailors knights. Whether this was 
 done in a spirit of irony, or from a deep conviction that, as he 
 had gone so far, he could not in justice draw any hard and fast 
 line, will never be known. He was without doubt the best tinker 
 
 s 
 
274 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 the world had ever seen, and he had a very large show of tinkered 
 pots, pans, and kettles, always on hand, but many thought 
 he might have stopped here. 
 
 These last acts were considered to be of so grave a nature that 
 the priest took the place of the doctor, and when this happens 
 little else remains to be told. 
 
 Before closing the pages of this history, another catastrophe 
 must be recorded. In one of those storms which were of frequent 
 occurrence in the Buccaneer's island, the old Church Hulk, which 
 had ridden alongside of the Ship of State for so many years in 
 fair weather and in foul, slipped her moorings one dark night, 
 either by accident, or otherwise, and she drifted on to the rocks 
 of discord, and being broken up was plundered ; her own crew 
 being fortunate enough to save some of her cargo of riches for 
 themselves. After all was over they set to work to accuse and 
 abuse each other. Some indeed expressed open satisfaction at 
 what had happened, for the discipline on board the old Church 
 Ship had long been too severe for them, and signs of mutiny and 
 insubordination had long been manifest, as has been already 
 shown. These felt that now they could worship their God how 
 they liked, when they liked, and in what costume they liked ; and 
 those who wished it, and there were not a few, could even wor- 
 ship more gods than one. 
 
 The loss of the Church Ship was put down to various causes by 
 her crew. Some said it was the work of the devil ; others said it 
 was through the wickedness of men ; but very few of them thought 
 of applying to themselves the proverb, which the old coxswain 
 and his master had brought from the Spanish Main. 
 
CHAPTER XLIII. 
 
 THERE are different] opinions as to how the world is to end. ome 
 say it will eventually fall a prey to that rapacious monster, the sun, 
 which seems to be according to these people a veritable gour- 
 mand ; requiring an enormous quantity of food to keep him 
 going, and thinking no more of a planet than an 'ordinary in- 
 dividual does of an oyster. Others seem to think that the present 
 inhabitants are to be frozen out, while others again think that the 
 balance of things is to be upset, and that some day we shall, world 
 and all, be flung into unlimitable space, waking up eventually per- 
 haps the peace and quiet of some far off system. Whatever the 
 method, the result will be the same, so far as the inhabitants are 
 concerned. All people are selfish enough to hope that things 
 will last their time, for no matter how the world is abused, and 
 called all sorts of bad names, but few leave it willingly, and if they 
 could look out upon the many beauties with which they are sur- 
 rounded ; if they could be cured of their blindness, they would see 
 something fresh every day to give them pleasure. 
 
 It was equally a matter of doubt as to how this brave old 
 Buccaneer was to make his final exit. Frequently the last stroke 
 of death is not given by that ailment that has been threatening 
 through life. But as to the Buccaneer? Would his neighbours 
 step in, and taking advantage of his weakness, knock the old gentle- 
 man on the head, and then divide his riches amongst themselves, 
 and thus save all further trouble to administrators and executors ? 
 Would Demos, taking advantage of the position his wanton mother 
 Liberty' had placed him in, club the old gentleman, and so give 
 him the finishing stroke ? Such a thing has happened before now, 
 in the world's history, and it may happen again. Children petted 
 and spoiled, have ere now risen against their parents, and have 
 
276 Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 
 
 cruelly treated them. Was the old Buccaneer, the prosperous 
 trader, to have the last drop of blood sucked out of him, by the 
 foreign parasites and cheap-Jacks, or was he doomed to have the 
 last spark of life trampled out of him by the Ojabberaways ? 
 Again, what if this old Buccaneer, who had sailed for so many 
 years under the death's head and crossbones, were destined to 
 end his days under Petticoat Government ? There would be a 
 strange irony in this, and such a thing would go far, no doubt, to 
 rectify the many injustices that the fair sex from the beginning has 
 been subjected to. Revenge is sweet, and no doubt if this were 
 to happen, the last moments of the Buccaneer would not be 
 passed in peace. But of his end who can tell ? It would be but 
 waste of time further to surmise, for we must say farewell to our 
 brave old friend. We will leave him in the hands of the great 
 quack doctor and his numerous attendants. What matters it, 
 whether after lingering for a while below, he was taken up to 
 heaven on a snow white cloud, the fringe of which was illumined 
 by the glowing embers of a world he loved so well, and in which 
 he had played a by no means insignificant ^part? What if he 
 passed away before the final consummation of all things, leaving 
 his spirits behind to walk the earth, and to encourage some weary 
 traveller who, commencing life as a Buccaneer, lives in alter years 
 under the protection of the great uncrowned queen Respecta- 
 bility, and takes for his fancy dress the cowl and frock of a 
 monk? 
 
 The last moments of the great and powerful are sad to con- 
 template, and are not lightly to be intruded upon. We see the 
 mighty intellect impaired, and the babbling tongue let loose. We 
 see the strong arm that was once the terror of all those who came 
 within its reach lying listless on the counterpane, with emaciated 
 fingers whose strength is not sufficient to crush a fly. Character, 
 virtue, intellect, all that goes to make a man great, have to retire 
 into the shade of the sick chamber, and wait patiently there, 
 silently watching the ravages that are being made. Then with 
 the last breath of the dying man, Reputation spreads her wings, 
 soiled perhaps, and torn by slander, and pierced by the sharp 
 
Life of a Celebrated Buccaneer. 277 
 
 pointed shafts of ill-nature, and takes refuge in the marble palaces, 
 of History, where things are cleansed and purified, or condemned 
 to everlasting obloquy. 
 
 We drop the curtain, and wish this celebrated Buccaneer a long 
 good night. 
 
 THE END. 
 
 <S'. Cowan <t- (7o., General Printers, Perth 
 
YB 735% 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY