\ 
 


 
 m 
 
 31 ME J<r>T.',
 
 THE FIEESIDE: 
 
 AID TO PARENTS. 
 
 REV. A. B. MUZZEY, 
 
 AUTHOR OP "THE YOUNG MAIDEN," "THE TOUNQ MAN'S FRIEND," ETC. 
 
 BOSTON: 
 CROSBY, NICHOLS, AND COMPANY, 
 
 111 WASHINGTON STREET. 
 
 1854.
 
 Enured according to Act of Congress, in the year 1854, by 
 
 A. B. MUZZET, 
 in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the District of Massachusetts 
 
 CAMBRIDGE: 
 
 TEREOTTPED AND PRINTED BT 
 
 M E T C A L F AND C O M P A N T , 
 
 PRINTERS TO THE UNIVERSITY.
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 THE present volume has been prepared from 
 a deep sense of the importance of its subject, 
 and in the belief that no work of the kind is 
 now before the public. The writer has encoun- 
 tered Difficulties, which have doubtless kept back 
 others, and which, had they been all foreseen, 
 might have deterred him from the undertaking. 
 
 In the first place, it is not easy to find the 
 proper limits of so vast a field as that of pa- 
 rental education. We might well entitle a com- 
 plete work on this subject, " A World-Dis- 
 course," or " A Universal Guide." For all 
 topics are pertinent to it which relate either to 
 the powers of our nature or to the history of 
 their development. The whole theory of men- 
 tal, moral, and spiritual influences is involved 
 at every stage of the treatise. The entire cir- 
 cuit of experimental and practical life should be 
 taken in the course it pursues. It should em-
 
 IV PREFACE. 
 
 brace comprehensive principles, and these must 
 be carried out and illustrated with minuteness. 
 
 The book, being intended for all classes of 
 parents, the educated no less than the illiterate, 
 ought to contain broad views, expressed with a 
 pure taste ; but, at the same time, all subtilties 
 must be avoided, the thoughts must be obvi- 
 ous, the style plain, and the illustrations fa- 
 miliar. Much may be well left to be supplied 
 by the imaginative reader, and yet for the un- 
 learned everything should be fully written out. 
 
 Amid these and other complex difficulties, all 
 I have dared to anticipate is moderate success. 
 If for any reason the attempt shall prove, a fail- 
 ure, it is hoped the obstacles which stood in 
 the way of the writer will serve to mitigate 
 any strictures to which he might otherwise be 
 reasonably subject. 
 
 The title of this volume is " An Aid to 
 Parents." In whatever other respects it has 
 failed, I trust none will have cause to say it 
 is untrue to its title. I have earnestly desired 
 to do something to impress parents with a sense 
 of their duties to their children as Christians. 
 The claims of literature, patriotism, science, and 
 art, and of the manifold industrial pursuits, on 
 the attention of the young, should never be for- 
 gotten by the parent. But to have taken up
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 these topics would have extended this work to 
 an inordinate length. I have, therefore, confined 
 myself, for the most part, to the single point 
 of moral and religious education. If anything 
 has been done to enlighten and to quicken par- 
 ents in this regard, my main object is accom- 
 plished. 
 
 The work has grown constantly in my hands, 
 and the reader will notice occasional repetitions 
 of the same thought in various chapters. The 
 different connections in which they occur will, 
 it is hoped, excuse them in part. Perhaps 
 " line upon line " was indispensable to fix the 
 great principles of the writer in the mind. 
 
 Many parents will probably be disheartened 
 by the great requisitions which this volume 
 makes upon them. Let such consider, how- 
 ever, what a work they perform if they are 
 but faithful parents. We may fail in our as- 
 pirations for wealth, honor, and power, but if 
 we do our duty to our children, all other losses 
 and disappointments are made up to us. To 
 bring up a family well is an object sufficient to 
 compensate for any labor and anxieties, and to 
 gratify any reasonable ambition. We see the 
 mother become pale, while her daughters are 
 full of bloom, and the father emaciated in pro- 
 portion as the sons grow in stature and vigor.
 
 VI PREFACE. 
 
 But let them not regret the change ; true, they 
 must part with the energy of former days, but 
 it is absorbed by those in whom and for whom 
 they now live. Let every parent, % then, say, 
 with a pious content, I must decrease, but these 
 shall increase. 
 
 The position of our parents in this age is 
 such, all thoughtful observers must perceive, as 
 to call for the utterance of a clear and loud 
 voice on the parental duties. Authority has 
 nearly passed away from the fireside, and in- 
 fluence and moral suasion have as yet but im- 
 perfectly supplied its place. In this state of 
 things, the conscientious parent is troubled, and 
 is looking anxiously for light on the means 
 and methods of fulfilling his task. If a single 
 ray shall be thrown on his path by the perusal 
 of this volume, the prayer of the writer will 
 be^ answered, and his labor not unrewarded. 
 
 CAMBRIDGE, December 1, 1849.
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 HOME. ITS ASSOCIATIONS. ITS INFLUENCES. 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Memories of home. Honored by Jesus. A Divine institu- 
 tion. Its ties universal ; permanent. Exert a moral and 
 spiritual influence. Restore to virtue. Nurture liberal- 
 ity, spirituality. Parental influence. The mother's pow- 
 er ; the father's. The mother and daughter. Brothers 
 and sisters. Remark of Lamartine. Home promotes 
 sincerity. Its enjoyments. A foretaste of heaven. In- 
 fluence of its events. Leaving home. The final parting. 
 
 Sacredness of home. The spirit of Christ needed. 
 Privileges and dangers of home. Why are these ties 
 formed ? Reunion above. 1 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 THE PARENT. HIS OFFICE NOT TRANSFERABLE. 
 
 Educational means of the age. What more can we need ? 
 A prevailing error. None can take the parent's place. 
 Testimony of J. Q. Adams. Little now said to parents. 
 
 Their work begins in the cradle. Physical care. Men- 
 tal culture. Moral and religious training. " No place 
 like home." Memory of our parents' sacrifices. Substi- 
 tutes for home. Reform schools. The State can only 
 imitate the parent. Error of sending a child from home. 
 
 Irreverence of children. " Liberty and Equality." 
 Home must sustain the Sunday school. The parent can 
 trust no agent in his stead. 26
 
 Vlll CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 THE STEP-MOTHER. 
 
 Difficulties of the step-mother. The child needs a mother's 
 love. No natural fountain in the step-mother. No nat- 
 ural love for this parent. Interference of connections. 
 The husband's love greatest. Different treatment of her 
 own and her husband's children. She must resolve and 
 pray and strive to be just 41 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 SCHOOL EDUCATION. 
 
 Decisive influence of the school-room. Duties of the parent. 
 
 First, to form a clear idea of the object of the school. 
 Moral above intellectual culture. Secondly, importance of 
 your part ; what yon can do. Thirdly, home discipline. 
 Lady Jane Grey. Imitate the mother of Increase Mather. 
 
 Fourthly, send your children regularly to school, and punc- 
 tually. Fifthly, "converse with them about the school. 
 Excessive application to be shunned. Sixthly, aid them in 
 their studies. Seventhly, attend examinations ; visit school 
 at other times. Eighthly, encourage liberal vacations and 
 holidays, for the sake of health, moral improvement, and op- 
 portunities to leave home. Ninthly, join domestic to school 
 education. Tenthly, teach that education is never " fin- 
 ished." Keep up an interest in mental improvement. . 48 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. TRAINING ESSENTIAL. 
 
 Most parents have some system of education. Not a few in- 
 struct alone. Training must be added. We train for 
 business, trades, &c. Importance of habit. The Danes 
 had their wealth buried at their death. Self-help essential. 
 
 Good principles fixed only by practice. Truthfulness, 
 how insured. Remark of Dr. Johnson. Habit of exag- 
 geration. Must we tell the truth always? Fear leads 
 to untruth. Anecdote of an African mother. Profane 
 speaking. Asseverations to be avoided. Little acts es- 
 tablish habits. Reply of Plato. Good manners at home. 
 
 Paul a model of courtesy. Nervous fears contagious.
 
 CONTENTS. IX 
 
 Practice of Montaigne. Importance of industry. Re- 
 mark of Carlyle. Idleness and vice. Knowledge and 
 character, their difference. The conduct and the heart of 
 the parent train his children. Training essential to obe- 
 dience, f 64 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 OBEDIENCE, 
 
 The foundation of government, law, and piety. Obedience 
 should be taught early. Children like to be command- 
 ed. The parent must be obeyed. The Scriptures en- 
 join obedience to parents. So does Providence. God a 
 model to the parent. Obedience required by parental su- 
 periority. The basis of a good character. Warning of 
 Hophni and Phineas. Even harsh commands may do 
 good. Obedience does not weaken a child's love. The 
 parent must beware of anger. Indulgence destroys love 
 and gratitude. We begin to govern our children too late. 
 
 Children should not object and argue against their par- 
 ents. We give thanks for the authority of our own par- 
 ents. When we should allow our commands to be dis- 
 cussed, and when require implicit obedience. . . .82 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. 
 
 How shall obedience be secured ? The rod sometimes safe- 
 ly laid aside. Its use a violation of a law of nature. The 
 errors of the past may make it necessary. The animals 
 governed by kindness. Whipping to save trouble and 
 time. Early care supersedes the rod. Forbear threaten- 
 ing. Never punish before others. Take right methods. 
 
 Watch opportunities. Keep away temptations. Al- 
 low for childhood. Good dispositions, but little self-re- 
 straint. Disobedience growing in this country. The par- 
 ent to be reinstated in authority. Voices from homes of 
 woe, and from prison-walls. .,'... . . .96 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 SELF-GOVERNMENT. 
 
 The prophet Samuel ; the influence of his mother. Her gor-
 
 X CONTENTS. 
 
 ernment led him to self-government. " Each man a dra- 
 ma." Activity of childhood. Turn it inward. Remark 
 of Novalis on the will. Seek power over the child's will. 
 
 Train to self-restraint, and to a control of desires. Il- 
 lustration of Dr. Bushnell. Desires the spring of happi- 
 ness and of a balanced character. Washington a model of 
 self-control . .108 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 MORAL COURAGE. SELF-SACRIFICE. 
 
 Moral courage the need of this age. " Do right because it 
 is right." Some children taught retaliation. Franklin 
 when a boy. Self-possession in danger. Lesson of the 
 ancient Mexicans. Inspire to self-help. The sailor-boy 
 to be imitated. Duty not always pleasure. Hard to 
 make children do for themselves. Self-sacrifice, inculcat- 
 ed by Herbert. The little girl with her sick mother. 
 Two courses before the parent : First, to deny himself and 
 deny his children ; Secondly, to leave them unrestrained, 
 and then* characters unformed. Leave them not to make 
 up for your neglect 117 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 
 
 Subtlety of human motives. " The child is father of the 
 man. ' Beware of " the little foxes." Scale of motives. 
 
 Appetite and sense the lowest. Hope ; elevate and en- 
 courage it. Fear ; shun its excess. Lord Byron. 
 Shame; servitude of fashion. The traveller in New Mex- 
 ico. The love of gain. Children should lay up to give 
 away. Hiring children to do right. The love of appro- 
 bation. Praise more than you blame. Reward not 
 merely according to your own mood. The father and the 
 load o"f wood. " What did my child mean by this act ? " 126 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. CONTINUED. 
 
 Family opinion. Love to the parent. Disinterestedness. 
 
 Love to animals. Example of a divine. Desire of 
 superiority. Love of improvement. Conscientiousness.
 
 CONTENTS. XI 
 
 Confession of faults. Enlighten conscience. "I know 
 I am right." The fox among the grapes. Different dis- 
 positions, how to be treated. Learn to touch every note. 
 
 Complexity of motives. The approbation of God the 
 highest motive 139 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 SYMPATHY WITH CHILDHOOD. 
 
 Jesus a friend to children. We forbid their approach. To 
 teach a child, gain the spirit of a child. Adaptation and sym- 
 pathy of Paul. Stoop to the child. Error of the Pil- 
 grims. A gathering of children in London ; another in 
 Boston. " Discern, follow, lead." Those we love, we 
 imitate. Vice contagious. Coldness between father and 
 son. Love must sweeten instruction. The trials of child- 
 hood. Place confidence in your children. Allow for 
 faults. Be a child, and you are happy. Keep yourself 
 young. 151 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 RECREATIONS, BOOKS, COMPANIONS, OCCUPATION. 
 
 A child's sports not trifles. Children must have amusements. 
 
 Join in their sports, and they will love and obey you. 
 The muster on the Daguerreotype-plate. Memories of a 
 pleasant home. Direct your child's reading by sympathy. 
 
 Children forced to read the Bible. Dr. Johnson's ex- 
 perience of Sunday. Value of a taste for good books. 
 Seldom acquired late in life. Encourage your child to 
 read to you the books he likes. Influence the companion- 
 ships of the young. Excite and restrain their choice of 
 friends wisely. Choice of occupation, when to be dictated 
 by the parent. Two points : First, no employment to be 
 chosen which has irresistible temptations ; Secondly, every 
 one must have some occupation. . . . . . . 1 612 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 RELIGIOUS EDUCATION.- 
 
 Religion the sun of moral education. The child led natural- 
 ly to God. Receives Him as a Witness ; as a moral Judge ; 
 as a Father. Cherish in him a love of Nature. Remark of
 
 XU CONTENTS. 
 
 Paley. Happiness of a love of Nature ; a moral safe- 
 guard. Forms and institutions of religidn. Should lit- 
 tle children be taken to church ? The Sunday school de- 
 pends on the parent. Testimony of Dr. Bigelow. What 
 fathers and mothers can do for the Sunday school. Why 
 does this institution sometimes fail ? How shall a child 
 spend the Sabbath ? Reminiscence of repeating hymns 
 in concert. Value of good hymns. Blend the idea of 
 God with every event. 173 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. CONTINUED. 
 
 Death, wrong views of it. The true view of it. Two caus- 
 es of the terrors of death : First, a sense of unfitness for 
 the future world ; Secondly, injudicious education. Ex- 
 amples given by Miss Hamilton, one of gloomy, another 
 of cheerful, views of death. Explain what children see at 
 funerals. Cemeteries adorned now. Be minute in relig- 
 ious instruction. How children should be taught to pray. 
 
 Make the Bible your model. Anecdote of the French 
 Quaker. Awaken a love of the Bible. Doctrinal in- 
 struction. Inculcate charity and philanthropy. Piety 
 the central figure in life's picture. Be pious yourself; 
 then life or death will be well for you and your children. . 186 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 DOMESTIC WORSHIP. 
 
 The antiquity of family prayer. Its advantages. Morn- 
 ing and evening call for it Equal wants of the family. 
 Promotes a Christian spirit. Diminishes envy, and self- 
 ishness in general. Interrupts our earthliness. Sets up a 
 pure standard in the family. Impresses the young favor- 
 ably. Consistent with other parental offices. Prepares 
 for the day of trouble and bereavement. Makes religion 
 seem a reality. Teaches us that we are only pilgrims here. 
 
 A prayerless family an affecting spectacle. . . .199 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 OBJECTIONS TO FAMILY PRAYER. 
 " It is properly only for professors of religion." " My life
 
 CONTENTS. Xlll 
 
 wonld not correspond to this act." Mixed character of the 
 family. Different sects in it. "I cannot find time for 
 it." Inability to perform the service. Fear of criticism. 
 
 Natural diffidence. A form recommended. Shall the 
 torch of fireside devotion expire in our hands ? Christian- 
 ity a social religion. The father under the highest obliga- 
 tions to the family. Fix the time when you will set up an 
 altar to God 213 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 THE BIBLE. SINGING. 
 
 " The neglected Bible." Restore the reading of this book. 
 
 Read it in turn at family worship. Let children select 
 passages. Bitter recollections of reading the Bible in 
 course. Methods to make it interesting. Baptism and 
 the Lord's Supper. Singing as a part of domestic wor- 
 ship. Music as a means of happiness ; an aid in mental 
 culture. Bad taste of " Negro ^Melodies." Preoccupy 
 the mind with good songs. Vocal music aids parental 
 discipline. Family music binds to the fireside. Is a 
 means of making others happy. Prepares for singing in 
 the Sunday school, and at church. Congregational sing- 
 ing. Singing a healthful exercise 224 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS. 
 
 Expect little and yon will gain much. Too great expecta- 
 tions, their evils. The boy not a man. Restlessness a 
 good thing in children. Give it scope by occupation. 
 Do not expect gravity in childhood. Love of authority 
 not an evil. Good manners in private insure propriety in 
 company. How to make children grateful, Speak of 
 your own services. Teach the young to express thanks. 
 
 Gratitude to man awakens piety to God. The child 
 must learn by experience. How to foster a benevolent dis- 
 position. Warn against ridicule and mimicry. Avoid 
 scolding. Destroy the appetite for contention, &c. A 
 hint from military tactics. Patience and deliberation es- 
 sential. . . 236
 
 XIV CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 
 
 " Education a trite subject." Do we know everything per- 
 taining to it 1 Two classes of means, direct and indirect. 
 
 We understand the former, but not the latter. Indirect 
 means the most powerful. Incidental education; illustrat- 
 ed in Nicoll, Chatterton, and Linnaeus. One event may 
 decide our whole fortune. Too little thought of inciden- 
 tal culture. Its great fountain is home. Effect of com- 
 mon conversation. What subjects predominate ? Con- 
 verse like Jesus. Power of example, seen in a tribe of In- 
 dians. An agent mightier than teachers and books. 
 No Jesuitry can deceive a child. Be what you would ap- 
 pear. Direct education important in its place. Actions 
 more potent than words 250 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. CONTINUED. 
 
 Amazing progress in the first six years. The true mode of 
 moral education. Evil of parental partialities ; seen in 
 Isaac and Jacob. Importance of agreement in education 
 between parents. Indirect influence of applying coarse 
 epithets to parents or to children. Observation. " Eyes 
 and no Eyes, or the Art of Seeing." Advice of Mon- 
 taigne Beware of personal peculiarities. The child's 
 mind a stereotype-plate. Watchfulness good for the par- 
 ent. Law of the Puritans. Parental retribution. . . 264 
 
 CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 INDIRECT INFLUENCE OF THE MOTHER. 
 
 Testimony of Amie Martin. Two points require the moth- 
 er's special attention. First, health ; the elder daughters. 
 
 Dangers of this age. Secondly, the culture of common 
 sense. Daughters need strong minds. Cultivate a taste 
 for the fine arts. Power of the voice over children Ex- 
 ample of a patient mother. Love for the sick and the de- 
 formed. . . . 276
 
 CONTENTS. XV 
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. 
 
 PARENTAL ANXIETIES. 
 
 Anxieties relative to the body, the mind, and the character. 
 God a sovereign with our children. Family ambition. 
 What the parent can decide. Principles and habits con- 
 trollable. Companionships. Cowper's view. " Guard- 
 ed exposure " recommended. Religious instruction. 
 Increase of juvenile crime. How save our children from 
 the prison. Migratory spirit of the young. An evil of 
 college life. Home influence needed at all ages. " Hope 
 on, hope ever." Comfort amid fears. Absorption in our 
 children. The dying mother's prayer. Be anxious to do 
 your own duty. " Guard thy heart's album." . . . 289 
 
 CHAPTER XXIV. 
 
 EDUCATE JOINTLY FOR BOTH "WORLDS. 
 
 We separate the two worlds. The New Testament unites 
 them. Care of the body. A great principle stated. 
 Physical regimen ; exercise, bathing, pure air, &c. Train 
 the young to be children first. The minister who died 
 young. How to join earth and heaven. Make the dead 
 your child's teachers. What truth to be the corner-stone. 
 The world within. Reliance on family wealth and dis- 
 tinction. The boy needs a root in himself. How can we 
 find time to do so much ? Shoals and rocks. No conflict 
 of duties. Our ambitious aspirations ; what though we 
 fail in them ? The gold sacrificed for the dross. Time 
 saved by beginning right; labor saved. The trouble of 
 an obedient and a disobedient child. How to escape anx- 
 ieties. Progress the great thing. The final parting. . 305
 
 THE FIRESIDE. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 HOME. ITS ASSOCIATIONS. ITS INFLUENCES. 
 
 ' HOME, what associations cluster around that 
 brief word ! Whether we contemplate the origin, 
 the peculiar nature, or the duration of its bonds, how 
 delightful is the theme ! It was there our unsoiled 
 spirits first waked to a vital consciousness. It was 
 there a mother's love once watched our slightest 
 movement and our every wish, and a father's care 
 and counsels were early and ever around us. There, 
 too, it was, that from cradled helplessness we ad- 
 vanced through childhood's happy hours and youth's 
 unclouded hopes. And when the sad day came to try 
 our hearts with unknown scenes and anxious toils, it 
 was home, its honored forms, its fraternal ties, its 
 dear remembrances, from which, " with lingering 
 steps and slow, we took our way." 
 
 But more than this, it is there Christianity erects 
 her throne. The Saviour of the world, as he hung 
 upon the cross, amid bodily agonies and mental 
 1
 
 2 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 pangs, with a sublime forgetfulness of himself, thought 
 of his mother's wants, and in words brief for his 
 sufferings permitted him no lengthened speech 
 he committed that mother to the care of his beloved 
 disciple. Henceforth the tender tie to her, severed 
 by his own departure, is to be renewed between 
 these two individuals. In the act itself, and in the 
 selection for this office of the affectionate John, Je- 
 sus exhibited, what he has been singularly charged 
 with lacking, the strongest regard for the domestic 
 relations. He taught the great lesson, that they who 
 would be his true disciples must " be careful to show 
 piety at home." His whole life, indeed, by its ten- 
 der and holy affections, its meek and quiet virtues, 
 the love he bore to Martha, Mary, and Lazarus, the 
 raising of the widow's son, and by how many other 
 similar incidents, manifests a constant respect for the 
 fireside virtues. It has been remarked, that " Jesus 
 began every great section of his life with some do- 
 mestic scene." His advent occurred amid the genial 
 influences of home. The gentle Joseph and Mary, 
 a father and a mother, brethren and sisters, all were 
 there. His first miracle was blessed by his mother's 
 presence ; and Bethany, and Nain, and how many 
 other hallowed spots, bore witness to the home- 
 born, humanizing nature of his religion. 
 
 For many reasons, it will be found we can hardly 
 attach too great importance to .our home. 
 
 Consider, first, that it is a Divine institution ; its
 
 HOME. 3 
 
 relations were established by God himself. It was 
 he who pronounced it not good for man to be alone, 
 and gave him a companion, and ordained through 
 these two all the families of the earth. The world 
 is filled with other institutions, embracing the inter- 
 ests of religion, of government, of society, and of 
 country. But these are nearly all human institu- 
 tions ; few, if any of them, can be said to have been 
 positively and directly established from above. They 
 differ in this respect entirely from our domestic rela- 
 tions, and they are so far of secondary importance. 
 
 Then, too, the ties of home are universal. God 
 evidently intended that they should be respected by, 
 and formed between, all his children. Many of them 
 are altogether involuntary, and the others, wherever 
 the race have been civilized, are voluntarily estab- 
 lished. Think of the millions of homes embraced 
 in this single country. What a multitude of protect- 
 ing roofs invite the weary, as each nightfall returns, 
 to gather beneath them for repose ! How many 
 doors are opened with the breath of every morning, 
 to send forth a tide of living souls, that swells and 
 sweeps onward, each passing year, with a rapidity 
 we can scarcely measure ! What influences are 
 here ! What a sway, for the weal or w l oe of indi- 
 viduals and of the nation, must these domestic ties 
 every day and every hour exert ! 
 
 Yet more, the relations of home are permanent. 
 All others on earth do, or may, change ; we can form
 
 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 and we can dissolve the partnerships of gain, of hon- 
 or, of pleasure, and to some extent we can modify 
 our friendships. But the bonds of the fireside are, 
 for the most part, indissoluble. So long as we live, 
 so long do we continue husbands and wives, fathers 
 and mothers, sons and daughters, brethren and sis- 
 ters. Days may come of temporary alienation and 
 coldness. Some, indeed, may never join us in the 
 happy family meeting ; but the bond still holds be- 
 tween these and ourselves, as between us who do 
 meet. Be our lot one of affluence or of need, rise 
 we to distinction or sink we to obscurity, nay, what 
 is far more affecting, possess we such virtues and 
 graces as to command the respect and win the love 
 of all around us, and excite a just pride in our char- 
 acters, or yield we to temptation, and bring we on 
 ourselves a name that shall pierce like an arrow our 
 tenderest relative, the bond still holds between us. 
 Together we are to divide Heaven's bright gifts, and 
 to taste each bitter cup our Father may send us ; and 
 together, with inextinguishable sympathies, " if one 
 member suffer, shall all the members suffer with it, 
 and if one member be honored, all the members re- 
 joice with it." Though lands separate, or oceans roll 
 between us, and we never more look on the face of 
 each other, the same bond still unites us. How mo- 
 mentous is the unchangeableness of these ties ! What 
 an interest and what importance does it give to them ! 
 Nor is it the permanence alone of our domestic
 
 HOME. O 
 
 relations which clothes them with consequence. 
 They exert, in their legitimate tendency, a deep 
 moral and spiritual influence. A Christian home 
 tends to preserve and to increase the purity of all its 
 inmates ; they act and react upon each other for 
 good. Those who constitute the united head of a 
 family are intrusted not only with the happiness, but 
 the character, of each other. They cannot be faith- 
 ful to their position, without becoming mutual helpers 
 in the great work of personal virtue. Let either 
 have a high moral standard, and rise steadily toward 
 it, the other also will advance in the same direction. 
 Who has not seen the power, the almost divine pow- 
 er, of goodness illustrated in some family where the 
 " believing wife sanctified the unbelieving husband " ? 
 Here are two individuals, who stand pledged, through 
 all the changing periods and circumstances of life, to 
 love, honor, and aid one another. What tenderness 
 and confidence, what watchfulness and self-sacrifice, 
 are involved in that pledge ! Can there be a more 
 perfect seminary than this for moral and spiritual cul- 
 ture ? If the vow be paid, if these two hearts do 
 thus beat in unison, then will they surely attain the 
 fulness of the Gospel stature. Here, within this 
 consecrated bond, will Christian chanty, a spirit 
 of unaffected kindness, that precious disposition 
 which knows not envy, resentment, pride, nor any 
 malign quality whatever, be gained and matured. 
 In this, the only connection of its kind upon earth,
 
 6 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 does man most directly learn that only true greatness, 
 to live out of himself, to forget in a measure his own 
 contracted indulgences in rejoicing with another, to 
 control each selfish grief, and to enlarge each disin- 
 terested feeling. And here, as with the revolving 
 years come the changes of life, as trouble, sickness, 
 bereavement, and sorrows, wave after wave, break 
 on these hearts, there is awakened a growing spirit 
 of submission to Providence, and of prayer, and of a 
 holy, ever-deepening trust. 
 
 There are no agencies on earth so powerful for 
 the preservation and growth of our moral energies as 
 those of home. And when we have gone astray in 
 the world, we cannot return to our fireside without 
 hearing voices that call us to repent. Where is it 
 that the wanderer usually feels first a disposition to 
 break off his vices ? Can the erring father reflect 
 on his example, and look on his sons, and still con- 
 tinue in iniquity ? There is an eloquence in the 
 tones of a gentle wife which must penetrate the heart 
 of her fallen husband. There is a power in the very 
 countenance of a good mother which must melt that 
 son who comes home reeling from the haunts of dis- 
 sipation, from the abode of licentiousness, or from 
 the gaming-table and the cup. 
 
 The fireside is the natural nursery of liberal souls, 
 and of an enlarged, actite excellence. They who 
 cherish that spirit of disinterestedness to which its 
 relations constantly incite them will find their moral
 
 HOME. 7 
 
 sympathies extending more and more, and their dis- 
 position to social usefulness daily strengthened. 
 Where are we to look for the genuine patriot, or the 
 sincere philanthropist, except among those true to 
 the calls and claims of home ? He that is faithful 
 in that which is least is most likely to be faithful in 
 the greatest of his duties. Name to me a family 
 among whose members the law of kindness prevails, 
 where husband and wife have no strifes but in gener- 
 osities to each other, and where the brothers and 
 sisters are emulous to render services to one another, 
 and the children leap to wait round the father and 
 mother, and I will go there with confidence for Sun- 
 day-school teachers, for almoners to the poor, and 
 for young missionaries of the cross. 
 
 Yes, there is a direct spiritual influence going forth 
 from a pure fireside. There may be exceptions, yet 
 scarcely can one be entirely faithful at home and yet 
 uninterested in the great theme of religion. Point 
 me to a true mother ; that mother is constrained to 
 teach her child that he has a Father in heaven. Did 
 she refuse this office, we should look that the very 
 beams from the walls would cry out on her sin. The 
 first prayer we learned was caught from our mother's 
 lips. Blessings on her memory ! for, if we love God 
 now, it was perhaps that very prayer which first 
 raised our hearts toward him. And if there be one 
 of our childhood's circle now immersed in guilt, the 
 dew of heaven in those infant prayers may yet fall on
 
 8 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 his sin-scorched spirit and save him. How often 
 would the penitent one fain seek out a dear mother's 
 dust, and pour out his swelling sorrows in the fervent 
 strain, 
 
 " O, come, whilst here I press 
 My brow upon thy grave, and in those mild 
 And thrilling tones of tenderness, 
 Bless, bless thy child ! 
 
 " Yes, bless thy weeping child, 
 And o'er thy urn, Religion's holiest shrine, 
 O, give its spirit undefiled 
 To blend with thine ! " 
 
 Home derives its chief importance from the deci- 
 sive influence exerted on the child by the parent. 
 Both father and mother leave their impress more 
 or less distinct on the character of their offspring. 
 But of these, that of the latter is always deepest and 
 most permanent. It has been observed of our Sav- 
 iour, that " we hear nothing of his reputed father after 
 his childhood, while his mother is prominently put 
 forward." This is a significant fact ; it is true to 
 human nature in all ages ; for, however dear may be 
 the father, or however important his services, the 
 love of the mother is usually the stronger, and her 
 assiduities the more unwearied. " Her influence," 
 it has been beautifully said, " like some concentrated 
 perfume, penetrates with potent but invisible agency 
 every nook of home, pervading where the coarser 
 authority of the father could never reach ; it begins
 
 HOME. 
 
 with the first breath we draw, with the first light we 
 see. On her were fixed our first affections, from her 
 we received the first food, on her lap spoke the first 
 word, and thought the first thought. Under her 
 rule it was that we enjoyed what now appears to have 
 been the only period of unalloyed happiness, and 
 from underneath her warm and sheltering wing were 
 taken to the first taste of anxiety and toil, and trans- 
 ferred to the comparatively stern control of the fa- 
 ther. The father may instruct, but the mother instils ; 
 the fathe? may command our reason, but the mother 
 compels bur instinct ; the father may finish, but the 
 mother mist begin. The empire of the father is over 
 the head ; of the mother, over the heart. Supposing 
 the degree of piety the same, the woman always ex- 
 hibits it b a more engaging view than the man. It 
 seems in her more innate and less earthly ; some of the 
 sweetest Gospel graces are hers almost by inheritance. 
 Angelic rteekness, faithful affection, enduring pa- 
 tience, uncomplaining resignation, having free play by 
 her retirement from the passion-stirring and tumult- 
 uous scenes of life, grow up in her to most enviable 
 ripeness." \ 
 
 Who, thni, can over-estimate a mother's influ- 
 ence ? Foi what high offices is she qualified by her 
 constitution, her temperament, her condition, her 
 character ! A.nd what destinies are committed to her 
 care ! She irst forms her child's conscience ; nay, 
 with such a relying spirit are the questions even in
 
 10 THE CHRISTIAN PAKENT. 
 
 prattling infancy put to her, " Mother, is this 
 right ? is this wrong ? " that it is hardly too much 
 to say of this parent, " She is the chilcUs con- 
 science." Of how many pure affections and enno- 
 bling virtues is she at once the direct teacher and the 
 daily model ! If true to her station, she is a living 
 transcript of the wise man's image of " a virtuous 
 woman," a combination of industry and discretion, 
 and of kindness and piety, which the influence of the 
 Gospel alone can produce. There is a trust in her 
 hands, than which earth does not present one more 
 sacred or responsible. She is the instructress of in- 
 fant immortals ; to her is confided the care of that 
 portion of man's nature before which the lody sinks 
 to insignificance, and to which, as a head-spring of 
 life, not even the intellect, with its angel capacities 
 and its highest soarings, can be justly compared. It 
 is her part to train the affections in their eirliest bud- 
 dings and at their most decisive period. How many 
 of the wise and good owe the germs of all lhat they are 
 to a mother's fostering spirit ! How much of deep 
 sensibility, of gentle virtue, of martyr-like adherence 
 to truth and right, might be traced to miternal fidel- 
 ity ! I sometimes, indeed, doubt whether one, blessed 
 by a good mother in his early days, will prove ultimate- 
 ly and hopelessly recreant. Happy is she who walks 
 before her sons and daughters in true uprightness. 
 Thrice blessed is that parent whose love is guided 
 by wisdom, whose authority is blended with forbear-
 
 HOME. 11 
 
 ance, whose even discipline shows that passion does 
 not irritate or harden, nor indulgence spoil, the ob- 
 jects in her charge ; but that, in oneness of mind 
 with her favored companioijy-she directs these tender 
 hearts through filial obedience on earth up to the love 
 of their Supreme Parent in heaven. 
 
 This effect will be at once anticipated where 
 the father is an image of our Divine Parent. His 
 character then helps the child to understand that of 
 God. He is the principal in the great school of do- 
 mestic piety. Just in all his commands, kind in his 
 every act, never sparing himself where the happi- 
 ness, and especially where the virtue, of his child is 
 concerned, commending cordially all that deserves 
 approbation, and reproving always in evident sorrow 
 and not with anger, how easy is it to win a child 
 blessed with such an earthly father to love his Father 
 in heaven ! Our Saviour directs us to address God 
 by this title, and it is from this relation we derive our 
 clearest and most delightful views of the Divine char- 
 acter. The head of a pious and well-ordered family 
 affords a beautiful counterpart of the God of all fam- 
 ilies ; he is in the likeness of our Divine Guardian, 
 the object of an affection which is chastened by a 
 becoming reverence. The exercise of these senti- 
 ments toward him is a discipline for that mingled love 
 and adoration due to the great Protector of man. 
 That son who bestows on this earthly benefactor his 
 rightful tribute of respect, obedience, and trust, is made
 
 12 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 meet thereby for that holier fear, that full and sacred 
 homage, and all those childlike returns, we owe to the 
 Sustainer of our lives. And that father who, by his 
 faithful instructions and kind, though firm, training, 
 copies his own great Master above, shows forth in 
 celestial colors the beauty and power of the Christian 
 faith. His children are indeed " arrows in the 
 hand of the mighty " ; they are " olive-plants round 
 about his table." And on him shall the blessing at 
 last be pronounced, " Well done, good and faith- 
 ful servant ; thou hast been faithful over a few things, 
 be thou ruler over many things." 
 
 As we said of the mother, so must we now say of 
 the father ; it is fearful to contemplate his influence. 
 His words and his ways do something every passing 
 day, either to bless or to blight the tender germs on 
 which they fall. To be a good father, how much 
 is implied in it ! To educate a son wisely and well, to 
 encourage and call forth all that is purest in him, and 
 to check in the very bud whatever seems wrong in 
 his tendencies^ to establish his principles, to watch 
 against and prevent corrupt communications, to in- 
 spire love, and at the same time to secure obedience 
 and command respect, how arduous is the task ! 
 and yet, to fail in it, what bitterness is there in the 
 thought ! 
 
 It is not easy to exaggerate the influence of a true 
 mother over a devoted daughter. As the little one 
 advances from the helplessness of the cradle, through
 
 HOME. 13 
 
 her dependent girlhood, the affection of this trusted 
 one toward her assumes a new, and, if possible, a 
 more beautiful form, until at length the mother 
 sees before herself the ripened fruit of her toils, the 
 companion her own hand has raised up. Grateful to 
 her inmost heart must be this treasure, and delightful 
 to every eye is the spectacle of a true mother and a 
 devoted daughter. On the one side we see wisdom 
 and a self-denying love ; on the other, unlimited con- 
 fidence leaning upon parental counsel, as the vine 
 winds its tendrils about its ever-trusted support. 
 
 Consider, now, the tie between brothers and sis- 
 ters. Dependent alike on parental care, their rela- 
 tion i is suited to call forth the deep and unselfish 
 affections of our nature. If they owe their virtue in 
 common to a father's admonitions and encourage- 
 ments and to a mother's gentler assistances, there is 
 much of this good which they can bestow on each 
 other. The elder can aid in how many ways the 
 younger, the more prudent the thoughtless, the ad- 
 vanced the tender and inexperienced ! To what ex- 
 alted deeds and worthy attainments does one bright 
 example sometimes incite others of the same family 
 circle ! Many a youthful folly has been amended by 
 a brother's counsel. Think of the instances, too, in 
 which a sister, by mild persuasions and by her own 
 praiseworthy qualities, has moulded the character of 
 those in the same dear relation with herself. In the 
 fraternal tie, indeed, there is hardly a virtue, either
 
 14 THE CHRISTIAN PAEENT. 
 
 active or passive, but may find incitements to its cul- 
 ture and growth. Wherever in the wide world God 
 has formed this interesting bond, there, by a mutual 
 acknowledgment of faults and forgiveness of errors, 
 are souls trained up to confess their sins before 
 Heaven. And there, too, through an accustomed 
 well-doing in the thousand nameless kindnesses of the 
 fireside, is the bright reward held out to those who 
 follow the self-denying Saviour effectually secured. 
 
 Home affords a preparatory stage, in all its ties 
 and influences, for the formation of those traits de- 
 manded in our broader social relations. The judg- 
 ment of Lamartine is wise when he says, "I have 
 always loved to know the homes and the domestic 
 circumstances of those with whom I have anything 
 to do in the world. It is a part of themselves ; it is 
 a second external physiognomy, which gives the key 
 to their disposition and destiny." The fireside is a 
 primary school for all who are to sustain the conflicts 
 and meet the shocks of this rude world. It will not 
 do to expose the germs of faith and the unfixed prin- 
 ciples of the little child to the full dangers of life at 
 once. The plant cannot endure yet the rough winds 
 of heaven ; we must place it within sheltering walls. 
 Home, with its genial atmosphere and its softer influ- 
 ences, is indispensable to our starting goodness. The 
 youthful heart is a tender scion ; when kindred and 
 friends have faithfully cherished it, then it may be 
 left to sustain itself. Let its boughs spread forth far
 
 HOME. 15 
 
 and wide. Send out the young probationer, and let 
 him wrestle himself into Christian energy. Let the 
 contact be with neighbour, fellow-citizen, countryman, 
 all of his race. And fear not, for, thus armed, the 
 dutiful son shall become the pure patriot, the good 
 Christian, the true man. And the daughter, she 
 who was mindful in past time of her parents and sis- 
 ters, and who graced the little sphere of her birth, 
 shall be everywhere welcomed, as an ally of truth 
 and virtue, not only the joy of her nearest compan- 
 ion, and the devoted matron, but a " sister of char- 
 ity," an heir and favorite of Heaven. 
 
 The fireside is, again, friendly to moral and spirit- 
 ual excellence, because we are there most intimately 
 known, and therefore most truly sincere. Christian- 
 ity bids us be " pure in heart " ; it looks mainly at 
 our feelings and motives. But, while in the broad 
 world, we are peculiarly tempted to transgress its 
 command. Our secular interest calls for deference 
 and external attentions to others. For this cause 
 alone passion may be curbed, moderation and for- 
 bearance exhibited, and a winning courtesy assumed. 
 The desire of popular favor, the restraints of cus- 
 tom, the fear of man, nothing deeper than these 
 is needed to smooth every asperity of evil, and rep- 
 resent virtue in her fairest costume. Insensibly in 
 this way a polished exterior may usurp that place 
 which Christianity gives only to a single-hearted 
 goodness ; and thus the garb of meekness, humility,
 
 16 THE CHRISTIAN PABENT. 
 
 or disinterestedness may cover up a sordid, resent- 
 ful, and self-elated spirit. 
 
 But at home, where we are seen just as we really 
 are, our motives habitually disclosed, and our true 
 feelings and opinions laid bare, there, if a kind 
 deed be apparently performed, the reality is usually 
 as pure as the appearance, that which is within cor- 
 responds to that which is without. For pride is not 
 there to veil our infirmities, nor ambition to toil for 
 applause ; and neither hope nor fear comes in to cor- 
 rupt our motives. In the common phrase, " we act 
 ourselves out." 
 
 Now, is it not much to escape the temptations of 
 insincerity and deceit ? Will not integrity be nur- 
 tured by the consciousness that we stand before an 
 all-searching tribunal ? Before the public eye, on 
 that wide stage where all is gilded, illuminated, and 
 unwontedly transformed, we may almost impercep- 
 tibly assume good qualities, and so pass for more 
 than our worth. But in the hallowed recesses of 
 home we are " weighed in the balance," and there 
 the coin is stamped at its true value. The habit of 
 being sincere in one place cannot but do something 
 toward making us sincere in all places. Let us then 
 give thanks that there is one unfailing ordeal, one sit- 
 uation, where all things invite and urge us to the high 
 calling of the Christian, to " simplicity and godly 
 sincerity." 
 
 And now let me say, it is home to which we must
 
 HOME. 17 
 
 turn for our truest earthly enjoyments. This re- 
 mark has been anticipated by all I have said of the 
 elevating and purifying nature of its influences. For 
 religion, let its effects be felt where they may, leads 
 directly to happiness. But there are deep, substan- 
 tial pleasures to be found only in the domestic circle. 
 The family, I have already said, is a divine institu- 
 tion ; it was constituted by our Father to be a means 
 of unequalled satisfactions to his children. Its pass- 
 ing scenes afford that quiet enjoyment which is im- 
 measurably more to us than the exciting and fitful 
 pleasures of society. There, too, are embraced 
 those ties whose very purity is a pledge of the joys 
 they bring. Other friends may fail us, and we may 
 be alienated from unworthy companions ; absence 
 dissolves other bonds ; caprice breaks how many, 
 and with them vanish the bright visions of future 
 happiness they promised. But brothers and sisters 
 are still left to us ; and they will stand by us against 
 the false and the estranged ; and, so long as life lasts, 
 we can find a smile and a welcome from parental 
 love. 
 
 Home is the chief seat of our joy, from the rem- 
 iniscences it yields of that one friend who knew no 
 happiness like that of befriending us. That mother's 
 face was a perpetual sunbeam in our early days ; she 
 had a place in our hearts none else ever entered. 
 She was the kind mediator who drew for us many a 
 favor from a less tender, it may be a less weakly in- 
 2
 
 18 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 dulgent, father. To her we ran with every childish 
 want and every simple tale. In our absence, to her 
 was always addressed the first confiding letter ; she re- 
 ceived the earliest tidings of our success, and the first 
 call for sympathy when we failed. The thought of 
 her was uppermost when the tears of home-sickness 
 fell fastest. That dear image was enshrined among 
 the sweetest thoughts of home ; and when brothers 
 and sisters came forth to meet us on our return, she, 
 we knew, would lead the train. Her gentle voice 
 even now rises over the loud swell of the discordant 
 years, and tells us there is no place like that home ; 
 and we feel assured, that, while memory lasts, that 
 voice will not die in our ears, nor the conviction 
 leave us, that our present home can give us no joy 
 deeper or more enduring than that which still floats 
 with angel form over the roof beneath which we first 
 saw the light of this eventful world. 
 
 " Home of our childhood ! how affection clings 
 And hovers round thee with her seraph wings ! 
 Dearer thy hills, though clad in autumn brown, 
 Than fairest summits which the cedars crown ! 
 Sweeter the fragrance of thy summer breeze, 
 Than all Arabia breathes along the seas ! 
 The stranger's gale wafts home the exile's sigh, 
 For the heart's temple is its own blue sky ! " 
 
 How dear, as we proceed, seem the precincts of 
 home ! If peace and concord twine our souls in har- 
 mony there, if every bond be sealed by virtue, and if
 
 HOME. 19 
 
 religion be our common guide and staff, then here is 
 our happiest temporal portion. And where, I will 
 add, if not here, among hearts thus purely connected, 
 is there a foretaste of heavenly felicities ? Yes, for 
 what is Heaven ? What, but the final home of the 
 spirit, a haven to the long-tossed mariner, that 
 better country, toward- which, as strangers and pil- 
 grims on earth, we now journey ? There all form 
 but one great brotherhood, one happy, reunited cir- 
 cle. Such, in anticipation, is a Christian family. 
 All we have ever done to prepare for our final home 
 has, qualified us for domestic duties and fireside en- 
 joyments. The grosser attachments of this life, 
 those founded on interest, or passion, or lust, are in- 
 constant and perishable. Not so with the virtuous 
 relations of birth and affinity. In them all is perma- 
 nent, because all is pure. When the perplexing 
 cares of the day are over, and evening brings the 
 good man to that joyous retreat where his best affec- 
 tions centre, so soothed and composed is his spirit, 
 that he almost enters upon that " rest which remain- 
 eth for the people of God." He now feels that 
 there is a golden chain, whose lowest link touches 
 earthly relations, but whose highest and purest fas- 
 tens on that " house not made with hands." 
 
 What I have said of the purifying influence of our 
 domestic relations one upon the other is true, also, 
 of the events which occur at the fireside. They fur- 
 nish continual incentives to personal piety. Let them
 
 20 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 be joyous or sad, they each speak to us of heavenly 
 things. What a day is that which introduces a new 
 immortal to the family circle ! What unimagined 
 sensations thrill through the bosoms of the inexpe- 
 rienced parents ! The most thoughtless can hardly 
 fail at such a moment to lift a tribute of gratitude to 
 the gracious Giver. Even infants can awaken in us 
 a moral power. At the coming of the little stran- 
 ger, a new spring of feeling gushes forth in the 
 parents' hearts. The father feels that he is another 
 man. " He looks up toward heaven, and finds no 
 difficulty in conceiving of a bliss of which he has had 
 a foretaste on earth " ; and the mother is conscious 
 of receiving a divine dew on that soil which we can 
 see was so adapted by nature for- spiritual fruits. 
 
 As the child grows up, each changing period ut- 
 ters some loud call for parental devotion ; and when 
 at length the day arrives in which the son is to go 
 forth from the paternal roof, the mother cannot but 
 utter a fervent petition that her loved child may be 
 shielded by Heaven, and the father is constrained to 
 invoke for him the helping hand of Almighty Love. 
 And the son, too, must feel that he is now giving 
 himself up to a new and Divine Guardian. Perhaps 
 the daughter, after sharing the unmeasured kindnesses 
 of a dear home, has reached the period when another 
 heart is to receive, and another arm to protect, her 
 through life. What an hour for the mother ! She 
 alone can describe her deep and mingled emotions,
 
 HOME. 21 
 
 her hopes, her anxieties, her prayers. The father, 
 think of him, his gain, his loss ! An unaccus- 
 tomed tear steals down that cheek, and the light of 
 another world is reflected upon it. What conflict- 
 ing sensations fill, too, the soul of this daughter ! 
 But, whether memory shade her eye with sorrow, or 
 anticipation send bright rays from it, she will not, 
 she cannot, one would think, forbear to raise one 
 thought above, to lift one all-confiding petition to 
 that Being who holds her untried lot in his fatherly 
 hand. 
 
 A more solemn parting still, one we cannot avoid, 
 awaits the family circle. It is a fearful truth, that 
 we live in a world where love and death must meet. 
 But He who alike weaves and sunders the tenderest 
 ties can mitigate the bitterness of every bereave- 
 ment. While he chastens, he would also spiritual- 
 ize, his weeping child. There is much in the sick- 
 nesses he sends to intenerate and bless our inward 
 nature. The patient sufferer is made better by his 
 pains ; a new love is awakened by the gentle offices 
 of those who wait round his bed, soothe his pangs, 
 and allay his restlessness. His mind is led upward, 
 and he catches tones from angel harps. If he be 
 restored to health and strength, he cannot soon for- 
 get that Divine love which smoothed his pillow amid 
 the solitude of his midnight weariness. Yes, sick- 
 ness is often a blessing in disguise. Nor, though it 
 terminate fatally, can we doubt that God is still with
 
 22 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 us. Death is irradiated by our Saviour. The 
 hushed step, the suppressed voice, the subdued 
 countenance, of all who draw nigh the departing 
 one, show us that messengers from above are even 
 now in the room. 
 
 " Something divine and dim 
 Seems going by one's ear, 
 Like parting wings of cherubim, 
 Who say, ' We 've finished here.' " 
 
 Did we indeed regard it aright, we should feel, 
 that, in many of its aspects, home is a temple in 
 which we all minister as priests. No place would 
 be to us more sacred than this where we dwell. I 
 have entered the magnificent cathedral in the Old 
 World, and, although I could not accord with the 
 faith it upheld, yet I have been elevated and awe- 
 struck by its majestic pillars, its vast arches, its 
 ocean-toned organ, and its solemn chants. The in- 
 cense, as it was wafted to the ceiling, seemed the 
 breath of devotion, and the fair flowers around 
 me were pouring forth fragrance to Heaven. So 
 would I that our dwellings were each regarded ; pu- 
 rity and piety are in harmony with home. Music 
 should float round its walls, and, while by its sacred- 
 ness it sanctified the individual, it should weld all 
 hearts together, and lift the pure mass to our com- 
 mon Father. And vases should be there, filled with 
 flowers culled from the fairest gardens of earth, and 
 prefiguring the garden of God.
 
 HOME. 23 
 
 The picture I have drawn of the influences of 
 home is surely a pleasant one, and the images con- 
 nected with it one would fain realize. But are they 
 not exaggerated and fanciful ? " Where," it may 
 be asked, " do we see piety the presiding genius of 
 the household, and the Christian virtues and graces 
 all taking root there ? Whose is the home so de- 
 lightfully instrumental in building up the character of 
 its inmates ? Where can we find all this home-born 
 union and peace you describe r Point us to the 
 family in which all are of one mind, husband and 
 wife, father and mother, brethren and sisters, all 
 moving on in this beautiful concert." I answer, 
 you can see it in every family where the spirit of 
 Christ is the controlling spirit. If piety is a stran- 
 ger within our doors, if parental fidelity and filial re- 
 spect and brotherly love are unknown there, and 
 fathers and mothers are contentious, and children are 
 graceless, then is not the religion of Jesus the law 
 and guide of the household ; then are we the ser- 
 vants, not of the Prince of Peace, but, of our own 
 dark, self-enslaving passions. 
 
 It may not be disguised, that, while the domestic 
 relations are friendly to our moral and spiritual im- 
 provement, they, like all other blessings, bring with 
 them their dangers. Not of necessity shall we avail 
 ourselves of the high privileges of home. We may 
 abuse the gifts, we may neglect the precious oppor- 
 tunities it affords, and thus, instead of a sanctuary, it
 
 24 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 may become a snare to our souls. Must it not be 
 said that the word home suggests to some minds, in 
 consequence of this perversion of its true ends, no 
 higher associations than those of a resting-place from 
 labor, a convenient shelter, or a field for fashion and 
 display ? True it is, and a sad truth, that many toil 
 only for the outward comforts of life, and sacrifice 
 their peace and happiness, ay, what is unspeakably 
 more to be lamented, sacrifice their very souls to 
 the external arrangements of the household. They 
 live a life of miserable servitude, drudging, and de- 
 grading themselves, perhaps, for the sake of those 
 things which perish in the using. 
 
 But there are moments when even these, and 
 the veriest worshippers of pride and fashion also, 
 feel rebuked in their course. They do some- 
 times see how mournfully they are coming short of 
 the legitimate purposes and influences of a Christian 
 home. Let any one pause and ask himself, " For 
 what end was I placed amid these domestic rela- 
 tions ? " and there will be the great, universal reply, 
 We do not cluster in families that we may eat and 
 drink, and be clothed, and then die, perish like 
 the brute creation. No, there is a solemn signifi- 
 cance in these manifold ties ; they all point to some- 
 thing higher and holier than themselves ; the earthly 
 cord is intertwined with heavenly threads. O, how 
 would our homes be transformed, did these rays from 
 the great " Light of the World " beam steadily on
 
 HOME. 25 
 
 their bosom ! We should then perceive a Divinity 
 every day in our midst. We should emulate one an- 
 other, husband and wife, father and mother, broth- 
 ers and sisters, sons and daughters, the nearest and 
 the most remote relatives ; we should strive, with 
 a godlike disinterestedness, which should most love, 
 and most live for, the other. 
 
 And now, were personal piety cherished by the 
 fireside, fidelity at home would make us faithful 
 abroad ; the quiet influences of every domestic re- 
 lation and event would flow out and flow over our 
 entire character. Our country, the Church, and the 
 world would then see our " light so shine " that 
 they would " glorify the Father." Only let Christ 
 be the Master of the household, and all its issues 
 are pure. Then our gains are hallowed as the gift 
 of God, above every honor is " that honor which 
 cometh from above," and we drink of the river 
 of God's pleasure. Amid the cares and perplexities 
 of the fireside, we can now preserve a calm, that 
 holy calm which befits beings who have a home in the 
 heavens. Our family becomes more and more like 
 the great family on high. And there we anticipate, 
 as one by one these dear ties shall be severed, hav- 
 ing borne the burdens and quickened the virtues of 
 each other here, that we shall renew every pure 
 bond of earth, and give thanks, not only for the de- 
 lights, but also for the severest discipline, of our 
 early Christian home.
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 THE PARENT. HIS OFFICE NOT TRANSFERABLE. 
 
 WE are living in an age which abounds in instruc 
 tions to the young. At no period of the world has* 
 so much been said, and written, and done, on this 
 great subject. We have week-day schools, in 
 which the youth of both sexes, a multitude we can 
 scarce number, are everywhere engaged. And 
 the standard of education in these institutions is con- 
 tinually rising. High and yet higher schools are es- 
 tablished, and more and more branches are crowded 
 into their list of studies. Seminaries for ornamental 
 education are increasing ; private teachers are em- 
 ployed, and no expense is spared to give power to 
 the voice and the ear and the touch in the sweet 
 sounds of music, and to impart skill to the hand in 
 the magic art of delineation, and in the mimic hues 
 of the pencil. Nor is this all ; when the toils and 
 assiduities of the week are over, we open the door 
 of the Sunday school, and our children again gather, 
 'and search the Scriptures, and converse on the high 
 themes of religion, guided, throughout our land, by a
 
 THE PARENT. 27 
 
 great company of devoted and faithful teachers. So 
 that here, if nowhere else, it is literally true of our 
 children and youth, that they have, in the words of 
 Paul, " ten thousand instructors in Christ." 
 
 And now what more, it may be asked, can be 
 done for them ? Is not this a blessed age for the 
 young ? And will they not soon be perfect in 
 knowledge, and wisdom, and all manner of excel- 
 lence ? If it depend exclusively on a vast array of 
 public means and of social arrangements, and liberal 
 expenditures, to make them so, no doubt they will 
 be perfect. 
 
 But does it depend entirely on one or all of these 
 things ? May we, having provided the best possible 
 week-day schools and teachers of accomplishments, 
 and Sunday-schools also, sit down content, and rest 
 in the assurance, that, as guardians of the young, our 
 task is complete ? I fear this is the prevalent dispo- 
 sition. But if we heed the counsels of Scripture, 
 of history, or of daily experience, we shall ascertain 
 our error. We shall find that it is possible in the 
 very midst of this mighty system of educational ad- 
 vantages, it is possible this may be the result that 
 our youth, instead of rising toward intellectual and 
 moral perfection, shall decline in mental vigor, and 
 sink lower and lower in the prime qualities of a rev- 
 erent piety and a disinterested, energetic virtue. 
 
 The cause of this declension, if it take place, will 
 be found in a disregard of the great truth indicated
 
 28 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 in the language of the Apostle, that, " though we 
 have ten thousand instructors " beside, " we have 
 not many fathers." This is the startling fact, that, 
 multiply as we may other instructors, they can- 
 . not, either or all of them, supply the place of those 
 natural teachers, the father and the mother. If 
 there be neglect here, then it is as if everything 
 were neglected. A child has but one father and 
 one mother ; and whoever else may, to any extent, 
 greater or less, perform for them a part of the pa- 
 rental duties, no one can become, in full, either the 
 one or the other. The attempt to substitute any 
 teacher, guardian, or friend for the parent, to put 
 public in the place of private and domestic educa- 
 tion, ever has been, and ever will be, disastrous to 
 the young. 
 
 Our schools, in the week and on the Sabbath, are 
 all good, all needed, all, perhaps, indispensable 
 to the complete, harmonious, Christian education of 
 our youth. But it is only as auxiliaries to some- 
 thing still higher and more important than them- 
 selves, it is only as assistants in the great seminary 
 over which the father and the mother are principals, 
 (that they can be safely employed and trusted. Put 
 them at the head, and you reverse the order of God 
 and nature, you make that first which should be 
 last, and that last which should be first. 
 
 No influence is so deep and decisive as that of the 
 mother. Napoleon was once asked what could be
 
 THE PARENT. 29 
 
 done for France ; his reply was, " We need good 
 mothers." In our own country, what gave us a 
 Washington ? The fidelity of Mary, his mother. 
 We are told that the elder Adams, being once 
 questioned respecting the education of his son, 
 John Quincy, after giving an account of the various 
 literary institutions in which he had placed him, 
 abroad and at home, closed his account with these 
 emphatic words : " But, after all, my son had a 
 mother." When we add to this the fidelity of his 
 honored father, and the illustrious example of his 
 character, we can see whence came the bright jew- 
 els in his moral crown. 
 
 Are sufficient efforts made to enlighten and to im- 
 press the parents in this community ? In this age, 
 when the pen and the tongue are acting with unpre- 
 cedented vigor, we find very much addressed to our 
 children. The public school abounds in lectures, 
 encouragements, and admonitions to its pupils. 
 The Sunday school has its lessons, addresses, and 
 exhortations. Books without number are written on 
 the duties of the young ; they are thus incessantly 
 plied with instructions, intellectual, moral, and re- 
 ligious. We have, too, Normal schools to educate 
 teachers, and conventions and lesser meetings for 
 Sunday-school teachers. But who, meantime, coun- 
 sels the parent ? While his child is at school being 
 taught his obligations, he is at home untaught and 
 neglected. He may hear, once or twice in the re-
 
 30 THE CHEISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 volving year, a sermon on parental duty. He may 
 chance on some volume, or an occasional paragraph 
 in the newspapers, setting forth his momentous rela- 
 tion and influence. But can this suffice ? Nay, I 
 have sometimes thought it is the parent, rather than 
 the teacher or the child, who needs this array of aids 
 and instructions. I am sure it is ignorance alone 
 that can explain the fearful prevalence of errors in 
 domestic education. The father loves his son ; he 
 would not willingly neglect to train him aright ; but 
 he does not know, he does not know the best 
 means and methods of making him what his heart de- 
 sires to see him. The mother would not for worlds 
 do any harm to this daughter. No ; she is full of af- 
 fection and full of devotedness to her ; but alas ! her 
 love is blind. She does not perceive, that, instead 
 of educating her well, preparing her for mental ex- 
 cellence, self-dependence, self-sacrifice, real piety, 
 and an unblemished worth, she is leading her every 
 day in the opposite direction. She is doing what 
 for her right hand she would not do, could she fore- 
 see the result of her course. Therefore do I say 
 that the times call, out of the bosom of all these 
 schools, and helps, and appliances for the young, 
 they call for a prophet-tongued eloquence to teach 
 parents the duties, the responsibilities, the toils, that 
 rest inevitably directly, personally, inevitably 
 upon them. 
 
 I speak of responsibilities. And who can or does
 
 THE PARENT. 31 
 
 doubt that the parent is bound to do something for 
 his child ? Questions may arise as to what he must 
 do ; but that, as fathers and as mothers, we are sol- 
 emnly required to do something for our children, all 
 will agree. A little one is placed in our hands : 
 do we think of the vast influences and issues con- 
 nected with this gift ? 
 
 " A babe in a house is a well-spring of pleasure, a messenger 
 of peace and love ; 
 
 A resting-place for innocence on earth ; a link between an- 
 gels and men ; 
 
 Yet it is a talent of trust, a loan to be rendered back with 
 interest. 
 
 A delight, but redolent of care ; honey-sweet, but lacking 
 not the bitter ; 
 
 For character groweth day by day, and all things aid it in 
 unfolding ; 
 
 And the bent unto good or evil may be given in the hours 
 of infancy. 
 
 Scratch the green rind of a sapling, or wantonly twist it in 
 the soil, 
 
 The scarred and crooked oak will tell of thee for centuries 
 to come ; 
 
 Even so mayest thou guide the mind to good, or lead it to 
 the marrings of evil. 
 
 With his mother's milk the young child drinketh in edu- 
 cation." 
 
 And now, seeing this - great work begins at the 
 cradle, we cannot too earnestly impress parents with 
 the inalienable nature of their task. No father 
 would deny his obligation to support and maintain
 
 32 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 his child. " He that doth not provide for his own 
 household is worse than an infidel, and hath denied 
 the faith." But is this all we owe our children ? 
 Are there no other duties, to neglect which is to 
 u deny the faith " ? The parent is bound to do all 
 in his power to secure to his child sound health and 
 a vigorous bodily constitution ; he must be taught 
 the need of temperance, of exercise, and the daily 
 endurance of hardship and labor. It is said one 
 half the human race die under the age of five. 
 What a fearful disclosure is this of parental igno- 
 rance and neglect ! 
 
 To physical education we must add the culture of 
 the mind. If it be the part of an unbeliever to pro- 
 vide neither food nor raiment for his offspring, and 
 to take no care of their bodily health, it is equally 
 criminal to bestow no thought on their intellectual 
 improvement. That mother who is so absorbed in 
 society and amusements, or in domestic avocations, 
 as to forego all mental and cultivated intercourse 
 with her daughters, commits a fatal error. And that 
 father who spends his whole time and strength in lay- 
 ing up property for his sons, to the neglect of their 
 higher nature, who is so weary at night that he can- 
 not read a book or talk with his children on any men- 
 tal or elevating subject, may yet rue his course. 
 For what will it profit him to acquire for them silver 
 and gold, stocks and estates, if he fail also to leave 
 them the richer bequest of well-cultivated intellects,
 
 THE PARENT. 33 
 
 a taste for profitable reading, a love of home enjoy- 
 ments, habits of order and quietness, a sensibility to 
 all that is noble in character, and a love of the Fa- 
 ther, who gave us these precious powers for his own 
 honor and for the glorious work of doing good to our 
 fellow-immortals ? 
 
 Here opens to us another sphere of parental obli- 
 gation, that of moral and religious education. 
 Here is a vineyard which no husbandmen can dress 
 except those appointed by God. A child may have 
 a thousand other spiritual instructors ; he can have 
 but one mother and one father. We owe none can 
 tell how much to the long line of teachers, who be- 
 gin with our children in the alphabet, and carry them 
 up, from stage to stage, until they complete their 
 school education. To every one who inculcates a 
 good principle in their presence, incites them by 
 generous examples, or suggests and amends their er- 
 rors, our debt is indeed great. And large, too, are 
 our obligations to that blessed company of Sunday- 
 school instructors, who, from Sabbath to Sabbath, 
 punctually and patiently unfold to them the teachings 
 of the Saviour, draw out their best thoughts and 
 feelings, and quicken them to the love of God and 
 man. But still there is a void left, a wide void, in 
 their moral needs, which none but the parent can fill. 
 
 What is the seat and centre of a child's sweet- 
 est associations ? Not the school-room, pleasant as 
 that may be rendered by a wise and gentle teacher, 
 3
 
 34 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 and by congenial companions. Not, either, the 
 church or the vestry where the Sunday school gath- 
 ers, though the faithful teacher will secure a love in 
 the hearts of her class which neither life nor death 
 can obliterate. But, after all, " there is no place 
 like home," there is no word that calls forth such 
 music as that. Around the fireside it is that our 
 earliest and tenderest affections cluster. And among 
 all the sweet memories of the past, there are none so 
 sweet, none so enduring, as these. Years may roll 
 over us, old ties may be broken and new ones 
 formed, but for ever do we turn back to that dear 
 spot, our childhood's home. And, amid the names 
 and the forms that revisit the mind, the dearest and 
 fairest of all are associated with those two beings, 
 father and mother. The words they addressed to 
 us, their lives and their deeds, these tower above 
 everything else ; and they have gone deepest into 
 our souls, and done most to make us what we now 
 are. 
 
 Such is the appointment of God. He is the au- 
 thor of the family ties, and we can trace his wisdom 
 in creating them and clothing them with such power. 
 He has made the heart of the parent the stronghold of 
 the human affections. There is no love to be com- 
 pared with that of a mother. What will she not do, 
 what will she not suffer, for the child of her bosom ? 
 And why is she endowed with this love ? Partly, 
 beyond question, that she may preserve the lives and
 
 THE PARENT. 35 
 
 the health of her offspring. But that is not all ; she 
 was intended also to preserve their spiritual life and 
 their moral health. The memory of what our mother 
 did for us, and of her countless sacrifices, tends to 
 soften and improve us in all subsequent years. What 
 we did not appreciate at that period comes back to us 
 now in angel voices, and, whatever other kind friends 
 we have since found, we realize that we have had but 
 one mother. And if we can remember a father's 
 wisdom, and self-denial for our sakes, if we can 
 recall his earnest precepts, his anxious counsels and 
 warnings, and think of prayers he offered with us. 
 and for us, and of his own elevated example, we 
 must, indeed, again and again feel, that, though we 
 had instructors many, and perhaps faithful ones, too, 
 we have had but one father. 
 
 Say I not truly, then, that no parent can delegate 
 his office and his responsibilities to any other human 
 being ? > There are those who desire to do this. 
 We sometimes hear of a father who brings his son 
 to the judge on the bench, and asks him to provide a 
 home for him in some house of correction or refor- 
 mation ! Another would give up his child, so ob- 
 stinate and vicious is he, to the state. There are 
 authentic accounts of parents in London contriving 
 to induce their children to commit crimes, in order 
 to throw them upon the state for support, and thus 
 relieve themselves from the cost and care of bringing 
 them up. In 1847 there were four cases in one
 
 36 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 court, where the parents had endeavoured to escape 
 the natural burden of their children by prosecuting 
 them ; and in one case there was good ground to sus- 
 pect that money had been intentionally placed in the 
 way of a lad by his parents, to incite him to theft. 
 An, American writer tells us he has repeatedly had 
 chijdren offered him in the streets of London by 
 their own mothers. So terrible is the influence of 
 poverty, in not only obliterating the sense of parental 
 responsibility, but even destroying the natural affec- 
 tions. Indeed, I have seen accounts of more than 
 one instance of a mother taking the life of her own 
 child to procure for herself bread from the fees of 
 a burial society. We have Reform Schools and 
 Farm Schools in this country, and how many other 
 institutions to take the place of parental care and ed- 
 ucation ! These are blessed institutions ; they pick 
 up the vagrant boy, and save many a sinking soul. 
 But they cannot, by the utmost vigilance and faithful- 
 ness of their overseers and teachers, no, never can 
 they supply perfectly the place of a pure and devoted 
 mother, and a temperate, judicious, and exemplary 
 father. We speak of the parental care and expend- 
 itures of the city and the state, and this is high praise. 
 But, after all, let the state pour out its thousands, and 
 let private benevolence give what it may, and let it 
 add its personal efforts, let a Howard, a Fry, or 
 a Dix visit every prison, and toil on to the utmost in 
 their godlike services, they cannot rise to the lofty
 
 THE PARENT. 37 
 
 rank of the parent. They may imitate the good fa- 
 ther or mother, but it is only at a distance that they 
 can follow their Heaven-appointed, Heaven-seeking 
 steps. 
 
 I have spoken of vicious and unfaithful parents 
 giving up their children to other hands. But it is 
 not these alone who desire to free themselves of 
 parental responsibility and labor. Many have mo- 
 ments at least, very good persons will attest this, 
 moments in which they would fain transfer their 
 children to some other care. When the son de- 
 means himself well, is gentle and obedient and 
 kind, they enjoy their charge. But let him grow 
 disobedient, stubborn, selfish, and untractable, they 
 desire then to part from him. If the daughter be 
 domestic, helpful, self-sacrificing, then she is the de- 
 light of her mother. It is only needful that she be- 
 come indolent, passionate, or for any reason unman- 
 ageable, and straightway the parent would send her 
 from home, or consign her to another's care. She 
 imagines, perhaps, that the good of the child will be 
 consulted by this arrangement. Seldom, I believe, 
 is this the case. It is never more true than here, as 
 a general rule, that " whom God hath joined to- 
 gether man may not put asunder." He hath es- 
 tablished the bond between this father and this son, 
 and He it is who' stationed this mother to be the 
 guardian of her child. Let them be slow, very 
 slow to call in teacher, governess, nurse, brother,
 
 38 THE CHRJSTIAN PARENT. 
 
 sister, uncle, aunt, any inmate or any helper, and 
 take the crown from their own brow and place it on 
 his or hers. 
 
 The present age -is marked by the want among 
 children of a spirit of reverence, subordination, and 
 docility. To what is this owing ? Not to any 
 change in the nature of childhood from past periods, 
 when respect and order were almost universal. Ev- 
 ery child has the faculty of reverence in him ; there 
 is something which excites his wonder and awe. 
 No one is unmoved by the mighty powers of Na- 
 ture ; her awful, majestic, uncomprehended forces 
 inspire the schoolboy with reverence. Nay, every 
 child does respect some human being and human 
 power. There are men before whom the proudest 
 do quail ; office, station, simple character, can, for 
 they do, subdue the very scoffer. 
 
 Our institutions are unfriendly, perhaps, to rever- 
 ence. The cry of " Liberty and Equality " brings 
 down all to a level, the middle-aged, and sometimes 
 the old, as well as the young. But even here, where 
 ranks and titles are abolished, there is still left a foun- 
 dation for the sentiment of veneration. Let parents 
 do their whole duty, and they can resist, to a great 
 degree, this unhappy tendency of our age and coun- 
 try. Let them awaken a regard for their own posi- 
 tion and authority. It needs no -Puritanic sternness 
 to do this ; a gentle, steady, firm hand is all that is 
 wanted. There is no child who may not be con-
 
 THE PARENT. 39 
 
 trolled and made respectful by a patient and uniform 
 discipline. 
 
 But rare are the instances of reverence where a 
 child is left to the day school or the Sunday school 
 for his entire moral education. I account partly for 
 the present spirit of disrespect among the young by 
 the fact, that parents do not now educate their chil- 
 dren themselves, as their fathers did, in the princi- 
 ples of piety and duty ; they do not, like them, thus 
 make the family altar a centre of sacred and venera- 
 ble associations. If you give up your son and 
 daughter entirely to other hands to teach and train, 
 you cannot reasonably expect that love and respect 
 which flow from personal culture by the parent. 
 Our youth will never walk steadily in the heaven- 
 ward path, unless we add to their Sunday-school in- 
 struction that of the fireside. 
 
 Nor is instruction sufficient ; there is a work to be 
 done at home for their characters which no teacher, 
 however faithful, can do for them at school. Every 
 good lesson they learn on Sunday must be follow- 
 ed up by parental watchfulness on the week-day. 
 Woe to those v.ho consciously resign the whole re- 
 ligious care of their children to any other being on 
 earth ! Blessed are they, who make it a point of 
 conscience to reiterate and to carry out in actual life 
 the good things inculcated in the Sunday school ! 
 Where this is done, the child grows up " subject," 
 like Jesus in his childhood, " to his parents," and
 
 40 
 
 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 never utters in their presence the language, or exhib- 
 its the manner, of any other than a perfectly loving 
 and reverent regard. 
 
 The labor to be performed is personal ; no foreign 
 hand can perform it. We can hire no substitute, we 
 can employ no agent. Here we stand, and here we 
 must work. The influence of the parent is the 
 mightiest on earth, and it must be used, used ev- 
 ery day while his child is beneath his roof, used 
 early and late, with prayer and with trust. We 
 have other talents which we may misemploy, and re- 
 cover, in part at least, our loss ; but this, if we waste 
 it or let it be idle, involves an irreparable loss. We 
 are making a mark on the characters of our children 
 which time will never efface. Let it be done with a 
 full sense of its consequences.
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 THE STEP-MOTHER. 
 
 FROM what has been said in the preceding chap- 
 ter, it follows necessarily that no relation in life is 
 more delicate, and no office in the domestic circle 
 more difficult to discharge, than that of a step- 
 mother. Her position is peculiar, inasmuch as it 
 involves duties for the faithful discharge of which 
 there seem often to be no adequate motives. 
 Among the obstacles in the way of these duties, 
 two stand prominent. 
 
 In the first place, every child needs the constant 
 care of a purely disinterested nurse, guardian, and 
 friend. Nothing but a spirit of entire self-sacrifice 
 will prompt to this care. But where are we to look 
 for this spirit ? Who will consent to give up her 
 time, her pleasures, her labors, her very sleep and 
 rest, for the little dependent one ? What fountain 
 of love is so deep that it will never fail amid this per- 
 petual draught on its waters ? God has created one, 
 and it is in the bosom of that being who bore the 
 child. There is an affection that will minister to its
 
 42 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 every manifested want, nay, will seek out and watch 
 for new wants ; it will be never weary of well-doing. 
 It will bear with ill-humor and peevishness, with ob- 
 stinacy, obtuseness, and every intractable quality. 
 When the child tires, it will rejoice to stretch forth 
 a helping hand ; it will have a kiss for every tear, 
 and a kind tone for every trouble. No tasks will be 
 imposed beyond the strength of childhood, and no 
 habit permitted which tends to injure health, charac- 
 ter, heart, or mind. When sickness comes, a min- 
 istering angel is near to cherish the helpless sufferer ; 
 it is a mother who holds him in her arms or bends 
 over his pillow, and she never chides his restlessness 
 or rebukes his caprice. There she sits, day after 
 day, and night after night, by his bedside, an imper- 
 sonation of that divine charity which " suffereth 
 long, and is kind, which is not easily provoked, 
 which beareth all things, hopeth all things, endureth 
 all things," which, in the glorious language of the 
 Apostle, " never faileth." 
 
 But in the heart of the step-mother there is no 
 such natural fountain of unfailing love. The tie that 
 binds her to the child in her care was created by 
 man. She does not possess and it is unreason- 
 able to demand of her that deep, inexhaustible 
 affection which is spontaneous in the child's own 
 mother. At first, certainly, she must be governed 
 more by intellectual considerations, or at best by 
 high moral principle, than by any maternal feeling.
 
 THE STEP-MOTHER. 43 
 
 If her character be elevated and pure, she will be 
 faithful to this child from a sense of duty. In aid 
 of this motive may come in a love of the child as 
 the offspring of her husband, or as a member of her 
 own family. But what elevated principle, what rare 
 self-sacrifice, will it discover, if she never neglect 
 her duty to her step-child ! Few will rise at once 
 to such exalted virtue. In some instances has the 
 little one never secured its rightful place in the heart 
 of this parent. He or she has been governed, not 
 in love, but with the rod. There has been an exer- 
 cise of stern parental authority, never mitigated by 
 parental kindness. Heavy tasks are imposed, and 
 no drop of mercy mingles in the cup of justice. 
 Sometimes we see the cruel taskmaster demanding 
 the full tale of bricks when no straw is given. Day 
 after day the hard "stint" is imposed, no rest is 
 allowed, recreation is forbidden, and the little suf- 
 ferer becomes haggard with a premature age. Study 
 is heaped upon study, the intermission must be filled 
 up with work, each holiday is grudged, and vacation, 
 the joy of weary childhood, must be all occupied in 
 sitting upright in a chair, and plying the needle or 
 reading a book. 
 
 Who can be surprised, that, under this iron rule, 
 the sweets of this happy period are sometimes turned 
 into " the gall of bitterness" ? The morning of life 
 is thus shadowed by an unnatural darkness ; and, in- 
 stead of filial love, we see alienation, hostility, and
 
 44 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 hatred, with all its desolating effects, take possession 
 of the child. 
 
 This leads me to say, that another great source of 
 difficulty in this relation is the fact, that children can 
 have no natural affection for a step-mother. She 
 comes to them a stranger ; and if it be hard for her 
 to do her own duty, from the absence of a natural 
 love, how much harder must it needs be for them ? 
 She may be expected, from her age, and her station 
 also, to be influenced in her relation to them by high 
 moral considerations, by a sense of her duty to them, 
 to her husband and his family, and by her responsi- 
 bility to the God and Father of all families. But 
 these children, so young, so inexperienced, can 
 hardly be required to act from so pure and elevated 
 motives. Much must be pardoned in every child ; 
 how much in those thus bereft of a mother's foster- 
 ing care ! What impartial judgment, and what 
 steady self-possession, are needed in her who has 
 taken that mother's place ! How ought she to 
 watch her own heart, and guard it against selfish 
 feelings ! Let her make constant allowance for the 
 condition of these children. She must consider, 
 over and over, the disadvantages of their situation. 
 She can never create in them a natural love for her- 
 self, and the cheerful obedience that may flow from 
 it. But by assiduity and faithfulness she can win 
 their respect, secure their love, and so awaken a 
 deep regard for her wishes and her happiness.
 
 THE STEP-MOTHER. 45 
 
 It is sometimes difficult for this parent to maintain 
 her authority, on account of the injudicious interfer- 
 ence of the connections, or the friends and acquaint- 
 ances, of the children. They take part, perhaps, 
 with every disposition to disregard her commands, 
 if they do not say, in so many words, " She is 
 not your mother, and I would not obey her." 
 There is a spirit thus fostered, which it may be 
 harder to withstand than open disobedience. Per- 
 haps it never breaks out in the rebellious language 
 of " I wont mind you," but it still utters itself 
 in actions, which often speak louder than words. 
 Let the attempt never be made to subdue this spirit 
 by physical force, or by harsh tones, angry looks, 
 and virulent language. It must be met by gentle- 
 ness, soothed by kindness, repressed by an angelic 
 forbearance and patience ; in one word, it can only 
 be overcome by a steady faith in the omnipotence of 
 Love. 
 
 In addition to these trials, the step-mother is em- 
 barrassed by the difference between her own relation 
 to the children of her husband and his. In ordinary 
 cases, his love for them will be greater than hers, 
 and this will incline him to a proportionate indulgence 
 toward them. They soon perceive this, and it leads 
 them to refer to his decision rather than hers on ev- 
 ery disputed topic. They anticipate the greater kind- 
 ness from him, and lean more and more toward him. 
 The father is regarded as their best friend, and soon
 
 46 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 odious comparisons are instituted, and these increase 
 their alienation from her toward whom there should 
 be an ever-growing love. Wherever parents, for 
 any cause whatever, disagree in the management of 
 their children, the consequences must be disastrous. 
 Amid the contentions of father and mother, we see 
 the character of the daughter " a coat of many col- 
 ors," a building of incongruous materials, which 
 cannot stand in this world of temptation and trial. 
 And happy will it be if the sons do not betray the 
 mournful effects of a family government which brings 
 parents to shame. 
 
 If the step-mother become the parent of other 
 children, her position is yet more trying to the char- 
 acter. The new-comer awakens an instinctive love, 
 and this calls forth peculiar kindnesses. Her former 
 children may imagine they see a partiality toward 
 the little one by which they are made to suffer. 
 Blessed is she and we do witness such noble ex- 
 amples who holds an even discipline over every 
 child in these two conflicting relations ; who resolves, 
 and prays, and strives that she may deal in equal ten- 
 derness and equal justice to them all ! Happy they 
 who succeed in allaying every groundless suspicion, 
 and make all feel that they have one and the same 
 mother. 
 
 Indeed, the author has in mind more than one in- 
 stance which goes to show that a step-mother can so 
 conduct herself as to supply completely, and even
 
 THE STEP-MOTHER. 47 
 
 more than supply, the loss of the natural parent. 
 The female heart is so constituted that the charge 
 and responsibility of a little child draws out much of 
 a mother's love toward it. It needs only a spirit of 
 kindness sustained by a tender conscience, to prevent 
 every evil we have adverted to, and make this rela- 
 tion an inestimable and permanent blessing to the 
 once orphan child.
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 SCHOOL EDUCATION. 
 
 THE relations of the parent to the week-day 
 schools in which his children are educated are so 
 important, that a chapter must be given to their sep- 
 arate consideration. The child spends in these 
 schools, in ordinary cases, six hours a day ; that is, 
 from a third to one half of his conscious existence, 
 between the ages of four and sixteen. It is this pe- 
 riod which usually decides the character for life, and 
 the large proportion of it spent in the school-room 
 clothes that place with a momentous interest. A 
 slight error on the part of any one concerned in the 
 influences of the school-room, pursued from day to 
 day and from year to year, may be followed by fear- 
 ful results. Hence it is that no conscientious par- 
 ent can fail to give this subject his constant and anx- 
 ious attention. 
 
 What, then, are the duties of parents in relation 
 to the week-day school ? 
 
 1. The first, beyond question, is to form a clear 
 idea of the object of the school. Why all this care
 
 SCHOOL EDUCATION. 49 
 
 of the State to foster this institution ? Why do 
 towns, districts, neighbourhoods, and families ex- 
 pend so much thought and so much treasure on the 
 establishment of good schools ? Or rather, what 
 ought to be the great motive at the foundation of 
 these labors and sacrifices ? Is it the bestowing of 
 knowledge on the young at which we supremely 
 aim ? If so, we commit an error on the threshold 
 of this subject ; for mere knowledge poured on the 
 passive mind is of little avail. It loads the memory 
 with a burden almost useless in practical life. No, 
 the first aim should be to educate, that is, as the 
 word signifies, to call forth, the mental powers of 
 the child. His mind must be quickened, and exert 
 itself vigorously, and increase in strength and in re- 
 finement, at each stage of his studies. Nor is this 
 all ; he should be so educated as to love knowledge 
 for its own sake, and to carry with him through life 
 a desire of constant intellectual improvement. 
 
 But is this the final end of the school-room ? 
 May the parent rest content with the intellectual 
 progress of his child, and desire nothing more than 
 to hear of his distinguished talents, and that he is a 
 splendid scholar ? Shall he judge the teacher by no 
 other standard than his ability to press his pupils for- 
 ward in their studies ? This, I believe, is the usual 
 criterion of excellence ; but far, fatally far, does it 
 fall short of the standard of a really Christian par- 
 ent. With him the intellect never ranks highest 
 4
 
 50 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 among the inward powers and possessions of his 
 child. No ; precious as is mental culture, and noble 
 as are the attainments of a good education in this 
 sense, there is one object still higher and better, 
 and that is moral culture, the education of the 
 child's conscience, the training, of his will, -the en- 
 largement and purifying of his social affections. If 
 this be the purpose of the fireside, it should be 
 equally that of the school-room. Let the parent 
 never be satisfied with anything below this ; let him 
 not be seduced by bright scholarship to neglect, or 
 suffer the teacher to neglect, the care of his child's 
 character. If that is steadily improving, if to 
 knowledge is -daily added virtue, then indeed is the 
 teacher faithful, and the scholar is receiving a good 
 education. 
 
 2. Regard your part as of equal importance with 
 that of the teacher for the success of your children's 
 school. Many, it is feared, think that when the 
 school is once put in operation their work is done. 
 They are anxious to reside near the school-room, 
 they exert themselves to procure a teacher, and per- 
 haps take a warm interest in the election of the 
 school committee ; but when the school begins, and 
 they send their children supplied with books, all 
 their solicitude suddenly departs. They remind one 
 of the good deacon, who said that when his own 
 minister was preaching he fell asleep, for he knew 
 that then everything would go on well.
 
 SCHOOL EDUCATION. 51 
 
 But nothing goes on well in that school where the 
 parents of the children perform no duty toward it, 
 and take no interest in its progress. The teacher is 
 often baffled, and his hands are constantly weakened, 
 by the indifference at home. If the attention of fa- 
 ther and mother is remitted for a single day, that day 
 is robbed of a part of its benefits to the scholar. 
 The very idea that the parents observe his course 
 and give him credit for fidelity is a stimulus to the 
 teacher. And if the child has reason to believe that 
 his parents only think of him as he passes from 
 study to study, and especially if he believes they are 
 made happy at the thought of his mental and moral 
 improvement, he applies himself with redoubled 
 vigor. Always, therefore, follow your children in 
 mind to the school-room ; show the teacher that you 
 prize his efforts, and are laboring at home to second 
 them. Cultivate his acquaintance, and keep up 
 more or less intercourse with him. Let your chil- 
 dren see that you feel responsible in part for their 
 progress, and consider that you have something ev- 
 ery day to do in regard to their school ; in a word, 
 think, plan, labor, to sustain the teacher. 
 
 3. Let the discipline of home combine with that 
 of the school-room. If the teacher govern with 
 gentleness joined to decision, so let the parent. It is 
 sad to witness the conflicts of these two spheres of 
 education. " When I am in the presence of either 
 father or mother," said Lady Jane Grey, "whether
 
 52 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 I speak, keep silence, sit, stand, or go, eat, drink, 
 be merry or sad, be sewing, playing, dancing, or do- 
 ing anything else, I must do it, as it were, in such 
 weight, measure, and number, even so perfectly as 
 God made the world, or else I am so sharply taunt- 
 ed, so cruelly threatened, yea, presently some- 
 times, with 'nips, and bobs, and other ways which I 
 will not name, for the honor I bear them, so without 
 measure misordered, that I think myself in hell, till 
 time come that I must go to Mr. Elmer, who teach- 
 eth me so gently, so pleasantly, with such fair allure- 
 ments to learning, that I think all the time nothing, 
 whiles I am with himl And when I am called from 
 him I fall on weeping, because, whatever I do else, 
 but learning, is full of grief, trouble, fear, and whole 
 misliking unto me." 
 
 Nothing more impedes the success of a teacher 
 than parental neglect at home. What can any one 
 do with those children who bring to the school-room 
 a spirit of disobedience ? It is cruel to complain of 
 disorder there, if we allow it constantly in our fam- 
 ilies. How often do parents thwart a faithful in- 
 structor by indulging their children in habits of idle- 
 ness ! They paralyze his moral government through 
 their disregard of the sacred duty of truthfulness in 
 their children. A boy cannot be managed properly 
 at school who is not conscientious at home. And 
 what shall we say of that father who never yet taught 
 his son, either by word or deed, the great object of
 
 SCHOOL EDUCATION. 53 
 
 a school education ? We need angels for mortals 
 cannot do the work to teach well and rule well 
 those children who are sent, one must almost be- 
 lieve, with an allowed and determined purpose of 
 arraying themselves at once against the teacher, 
 and vexing his spirit, and counteracting his efforts. 
 When shall we join in making it the combined study 
 at our firesides to relieve those who are now so of- 
 ten burdened by our thoughtless negligence, if not 
 by our absolute labor to frustrate their success ? 
 We need to this end the heavenly spirit that animat- 
 ed the mother of Increase Mather, and, like her, to 
 make character the first thing in our parental suppli- 
 cations. " Child," was her devoted address to 
 him, " if God make thee a Good Christian and a 
 Good Scholar, thou hast all that thy mother ever 
 asked for thee." The Christian character, gentle- 
 ness, obedience, tractableness toward God and man 
 at Lome, is an earnest of good progress at school. 
 
 4. With this view of his duty, the parent will 
 send his children regularly and punctually to school. 
 If they are not there, to what purpose has the teach- 
 er been employed, and the school opened ? If they 
 do not use their school-books, why have you pur- 
 chased them ? The child who is irregular in attend- 
 ance falls behind his class, loses his ambition, and 
 finally his whole interest in the school. We make 
 no progress in any pursuit when our interest in it has 
 gone ; and who has not noticed that those children
 
 54 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 who are never absent always feel the deepest interest 
 in their studies ? Their attendance is the thermom- 
 eter by which you can measure the warmth of their 
 love for the school. Keep them at home one day 
 in each week, and you nearly neutralize the benefit 
 of all the other days. Parents have no conception 
 of the magnitude of the evil of irregular attendance 
 at school. The father who threw, every week, a cer- 
 tain part of his money into the sea, would be regard- 
 ed as cruel to his family, nay, as absolutely insane. 
 But, by as much as knowledge is better than silver, 
 and a good character better than -fine gold, by so 
 much worse are the consequences of taking our chil- 
 dren's time from their school than throwing away 
 the money we might leave them on our death-bed. 
 Send your children with a miser's frugality, as far as 
 possible, every day, and to every session of their 
 school. 
 
 Punctuality is likewise all-important. To lose the 
 first hour of the session is often to lose the best part, 
 and sometimes the whole, of it. It breaks the thread 
 of study, and makes each succeeding hour the harder 
 for the pupil. Do not, then, detain your daughter 
 from the opening hour ; show her that, if she is tardy, 
 it shall not be the fault of her mother. Never listen 
 to slight excuses for being late ; sickness and intense 
 severity of weather are the only habitual excuses we 
 should permit for absence or tardiness. When par- 
 ents come to feel the necessity of this strict regular-
 
 SCHOOL EDUCATION. OD 
 
 ity, a power will be set in motion far greater, and at 
 the same time far less embarrassing and vexatious, 
 than rigid rules made by teachers and committees. 
 
 5. That the school may prosper, parents must 
 converse with their children in regard to its details 
 and its progress. What is talked about in the fam- 
 ily becomes important in their estimation. If they 
 never hear a word said concerning their teacher, 
 their studies, their lessons and recitations, they 
 think their parents do not care for these things. 
 Where food, dress, business, making money, or the 
 faults of then* neighbours, are every day discussed, 
 they think these are matters of grave concern. But 
 what must be their estimate of their school, if it is 
 never mentioned, if no earnestness is manifested 
 about it, and no word or deed seems to show any 
 special interest in it ? Let it become a leading topic 
 of conversation at the table, or in the evening, and a 
 single term will produce a marvellous change in the 
 children's devotion to it. They will be regular in 
 their attendance, and study out of school as well as 
 in it. 
 
 I would not encourage habits of excessive appli- 
 cation. The tendency at this time, in many in- 
 stances, is to force children forward too rapidly. 
 Wherever the health suffers, or the disposition is 
 made irritable, the child is doing too much ; and let 
 the parent say this to him or her. Let not an ambi- 
 tion to excel be indulged till the constitution be un-
 
 56 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 dermined, and the seeds sown of disease and prema- 
 ture death. Nor let the temper be spoiled for the 
 sake of making a good scholar. Health, equanim- 
 ity, character, are better than all mere knowledge. 
 Teach your children, in so many words, never to 
 sacrifice the former to the latter. 
 
 6. And, to save their health and their virtue, as 
 well as for other ends, parents should assist their 
 children in learning their lessons. Every father, 
 however ignorant, can do something in this way to 
 help his sons. Every mother knows enough to 
 teach the rudiments, at least, to her daughters. 
 The mere attempt to do it encourages a child, and 
 we should fail in these attempts much less seldom 
 than we imagine. There are few branches of an el- 
 ementary education in which neither parent can ren- 
 der any instruction whatever. And if, after failing 
 yourself, you but call in the aid of an older broth- 
 er or sister, you will afford invaluable assistance. 
 Never turn a deaf ear to one troubled in his studies. 
 Do something, rather, in leisure hours, to qualify 
 yourself for cooperating with his teacher. If you 
 can but help the little laborer over one hill-top, it 
 may dry his tears, and make you an object of new 
 love and respect. 
 
 7. Parents may do a good service to the school 
 by attending its examinations, and witnessing the pro- 
 ficiency of their children. The presence of visitors 
 is cheering to the teacher ; ' it gives him palpable
 
 SCHOOL EDUCATION. 57 
 
 evidence that he is not laboring in vain. If the 
 parents and guardians of his pupils never enter the 
 school-room, he naturally thinks they are uncon- 
 cerned in regard to his exertions. They give him 
 no credit for toil and success, and he comes at last 
 to feel discouraged, and from discouragement the 
 path is short to remissness and inaction. To gratify 
 the teacher, therefore^ and to give him strength, we 
 should visit his school. 
 
 For the sake of his children, let the parent occa- 
 sionally enter the school-room. It would animate 
 them, not only at the moment of recitation, but in 
 their hours of study. When they anticipate a fa- 
 ther's smile and a mother's friendly eye on the day 
 of examination, it inspires them through the whole 
 previous term. They may fear the presence of un- 
 accustomed teachers, of their school-committee, and 
 of strangers, but they love that of their parents. It 
 affords an incitement, sometimes more powerful, and 
 often far more beneficial, than the dreaded inspection 
 of cold observers. 
 
 It is well to drop in and see your children at their 
 studies whenever you can. Do not wait for the day 
 of public examination. Indeed, both teacher and 
 children will prize" a casual call more than those 
 which are invited and formal. If you only look in 
 for a few moments, it does them good. It becomes 
 not only an intellectual stimulus, but a social benefit, 
 by promoting kind feelings between the teacher and
 
 58 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 yourself ; and it leads often to moral good, as it el- 
 evates his motives, and awakens deep and pure sym- 
 pathies in the hearts of the children. 
 
 8. The subject of holidays and vacations is too 
 important to be passed over unnoticed. There 
 seems in some cases to be a conflict going continually 
 on in this matter between parent and teacher. The 
 committee, in our public schools, stands usually be- 
 tween the two parties, as a mediating power. Per- 
 haps I should add the children to the party of the 
 teacher. But why this apparent hostility ? Do we 
 not all in reality stand on one side of the field ? I 
 have thought that parents, in most instances, need 
 only to be enlightened, to cooperate heartily with 
 the friends of holidays and vacations. 
 
 What does the parent desire ? " Nothing," he 
 will reply, " but the good of my child." In what, 
 then, does that good consist ? A part, and a large 
 part certainly, of it consists in the improvement of 
 your child's intellect. But is this the whole ? Sup- 
 pose him to be filled with knowledge ; is nothing 
 more desirable ? To say this is to forget that he 
 has a body, as well as a mind, to be taken care of ; 
 and it is to leave out of view, also, his moral, spirit- 
 ual, and immortal nature. 
 
 Your child has a mortal frame ; and so closely is it 
 connected with his mental powers, that these cannot 
 be truly educated except that frame be in health. 
 " A sound mind in a sound body " was the desire
 
 SCHOOL EDUCATION. 59 
 
 of the Roman poet ; and we cannot possess a sound 
 mind in a diseased body. If, then, you require your 
 child to cultivate his intellect at the expense of his 
 health, you not only rob him of all the comforts of 
 good health, but you injure also his mind. To 
 make a good scholar of him, you must allow him 
 abundant exercise, and you must give him the am- 
 plest allowance of time for it. In other words, you 
 must welcome his holidays and vacations with the 
 same pleasure as you do his terms for study. 
 
 The age is crowding our children with new stud- 
 ies. Branch after branch is added to the list, and 
 young and still younger are the scholars in our high- 
 est schools. What is the consequence ? They are 
 fast losing their health ; the race, physically speak- 
 ing, is on the rapid decline. Our boys are pale, pu- 
 ny, and feeble ; round shoulders are almost univer- 
 sal among them. A manly, erect, well-developed 
 frame is becoming a rare sight ; and what will they 
 be in their after life ? Not vigorous, athletic men, 
 but effeminate, weak, and degenerate in body. No 
 influence is doing so much to hasten on this melan- 
 choly issue as that of our schools. If we will per- 
 sist in forcing our children thus forward in their stud- 
 ies, and I rejoice in their progress with my whole 
 heart, if it can be made safely, if we demand this 
 mental progress, then, in the name of humanity, let 
 us give their bodies a proportionate care. Let us 
 increase their days of recreation and rest.
 
 60 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 For the sake of their moral improvement, we 
 should encourage liberal vacations. Unremitted 
 study disorders the nerves, and with that disorder 
 comes an effect on the temper and the whole char- 
 acter. No wonder your boy is irritable and passion- 
 ate. His brain is overtasked, probably, at school, 
 and you put no corresponding tasks on his physical 
 frame. Your daughter is growing silent and morose, 
 and why ? She is stimulated unnaturally by her ex- 
 cessive studies ; and her anxiety about them, and 
 her intense application to them^are destroying her 
 health, and, with that, her cheerfulness. You should 
 feel, also, the need of her learning something of do- 
 mestic duties. What #re her prospects as a house- 
 keeper, going on as she is in ignorance of the needle 
 and of culinary affairs ? But what can be done ? 
 She must " get her lessons," and, to do this, she 
 must study hour after hour, and not only in school 
 but out of school. Will you, then, complain of fre- 
 quent holidays, and of too long vacations, when these 
 are the only occasions on which she can learn any- 
 thing of household duties, and be prepared to take 
 charge of a family ? I sometimes fear that the 
 daughters now in our schools will ill supply the 
 place of their mothers ; and I am sure that abun- 
 dant respite from their studies, and an increased 
 practice of housekeeping, are all that can avert this 
 calamity. 
 
 Our children should have long vacations, that they
 
 SCHOOL EDUCATION. 61 
 
 may enjoy opportunities to leave their home occa- 
 sionally, and mingle with the world at large. It is 
 well that they be sometimes taken from their parents, 
 and from the comforts and indulgences of home, that 
 they may learn to value their home. A change of 
 air and scenery is beneficial to their health. It is 
 good, also, for their characters. Children learn 
 much by observation ; their minds are benefited 
 by visiting new scenes ; what they see when at this 
 period produces a permanent impression ; and if you 
 send them into good society, they receive an indel- 
 ible advantage. 
 
 A protracted vacation spent away from home 
 teaches our children lessons of self-dependence. 
 While they are at our side, they lean constantly upon 
 us. When they are absent, they are compelled to 
 take care of their own persons and their little affairs 
 for themselves. They become, too, more manly 
 and womanly by being obliged to speak, act, and 
 think for themselves. It improves their manners, 
 and strengthens their virtues. They learn, also, to 
 respect, as well as to love, their parents, by being 
 temporarily separated from them. For these and for 
 many other reasons, if we are wise, we shall encour- 
 age teachers, and all the guardians of our schools, to 
 appoint frequent holidays and generous vacations. 
 
 9. The school-room cannot prosper unless par- 
 ents cooperate with it by joining domestic to school 
 education. The father would have his son qualified
 
 62 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 for business and duty in after life. Let him, then, 
 follow his studies, and point out to him their connec- 
 tion with actual life. Writing, spelling, grammar, 
 geography, arithmetic, let him show where and how 
 each of these is needed in the world. It will lend 
 a wonderful charm to each of these studies. The 
 mother can illustrate the bearing of knowledge on do- 
 mestic pursuits. If the teacher be faithful, his labors 
 reach the mental character, strengthen the judgment, 
 and improve the taste. These qualities are called in- 
 to exercise constantly at the fireside. A sagacious 
 mother can unite her efforts, on a thousand occa- 
 sions, to those of the school-room, in expanding the 
 jnind of her daughter. She can do it by direct con- 
 versation on the several branches of study. She can 
 do it equally by calling forth indirectly, amid house- 
 hold avocations, the attainments of the school. So will 
 both streams of instruction blend beautifully together, 
 and bear their waters to the great ocean of life. 
 
 10. And thus, finally, will our children be taught 
 that they are to pursue their studies when their 
 school days are passed. How preposterous is the 
 language we often hear, when a girl of sixteen says 
 in company that " she has finished her education." 
 Education finished ! Why, what is education ? 
 Does it consist of a few branches of study pursued 
 for some ten or twelve years of childhood ? Nay, 
 it is nothing less than calling forth every power, fac- 
 ulty, and affection of the spiritual, immortal being !
 
 SCHOOL EDUCATION. 63 
 
 It is to have the mind filled with good knowledge, 
 and both vigorous and refined, the conscience 
 true to God and man, the heart replete with every 
 generous feeling, and the life all directed to doing 
 good. Has your son reached this high standard ? 
 Is your daughter thus completely educated ? 
 
 Let the parent never, then, by word or act, incul- 
 cate the idea that education can be finished in the 
 school-room. The best that can be done there is, 
 as another has truly said, " to show us how to learn, 
 and inspire us with a love of improvement." The 
 parent should express this great principle frequently 
 to his children. He should enforce it by leading 
 them to read books connected with their school 
 studies, and binding all their knowledge fast togeth- 
 er. It is mournful to see the boy read only the 
 flashy productions of the day, from the moment he 
 quits his school. It is sad to find the daughter lay 
 aside her Chemistry, Natural Philosophy, History, 
 Ethics, everything, in fine, solid and improving, 
 and give herself up to the miserable novel, the very 
 hour she finishes her school education. Mothers, let 
 it not be so with your children. Cherish in them a 
 thirst for knowledge ; procure for them books both 
 instructive and interesting. Indtice them to keep fast 
 hold of every good thing they are now learning ; and 
 thus convert childhood, youth, and age into a series 
 of schools. So shall they be prepared for that di- 
 vine school, earthly and heavenly, of which Jesus is 
 the great Teacher and Master.
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. TRAINING ESSENTIAL. 
 
 EVERY father, and every mother, if conscience be 
 not thrice dead, must sometimes inquire, " What 
 shall I do for these immortal beings, whose weal or 
 woe is to depend so almost entirely upon me ? " 
 There are some, it is true, who do not go so far in 
 the work of education as even to ask this question. 
 They slumber and sleep over the whole subject ; 
 and their offspring soon demonstrate the mournful 
 truth, that " a child left to himself bringeth his par- 
 ents to shame." 
 
 But this class is comparatively small. Most par- 
 ents are doing something, either good or evil, for the 
 direct moral culture of their children. They have 
 views on this subject, and a system, which they are 
 daily carrying into practice. 
 
 A very common system is this : to commit the 
 entire education of a child to other persons. Some 
 employ private teachers for the literary, and perhaps 
 for the moral, instruction of their families ; and this, 
 is all they do for them. Others, and they are the
 
 TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. 65 
 
 mass, send their children to a public school. There 
 they receive their chief, if not their only, direct tu- 
 ition, whether of the mind or the heart. Others 
 still give their children the opportunities of the Sun- 
 day school ; they consign them to that, and there 
 they expect them to begin, continue, and complete 
 their moral and religious education. Another class, 
 including not a few of the most intelligent and most 
 exemplary in the community, are relying on personal 
 instruction as the perfection of their duty in this mat- 
 ter. They teach their children, and that perhaps 
 frequently and earnestly, what they ought to do ; 
 they tell them the way in which they should go, and 
 that is with them the highest conception and the end 
 of parental education. 
 
 To such parents I would now point out a more ex- 
 cellent way, and it is this : Do not rest in teaching 
 your children the way in which they should go, but, 
 with the wisdom of Solomon, train them up in it. See 
 that they actually do what you are constantly telling 
 them they ought to do. Never regard it as sufficient 
 to set forth their duty in this or that particular. Nor 
 yet be content with framing rules and laying down to 
 them the law. This is important in its place ; but 
 it is not all you are to do. If you stop there, it is 
 like going out in midsummer to your trellis, and say- 
 ing to the vine, " Turn here," or " Turn there," 
 and expecting that the vine will obey you. You train 
 the vine, branch after branch, and then it grows as 
 5
 
 66 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 you desire ; train, then, your child, in the way he 
 should go. 
 
 This course is required by the law of the child's 
 nature. Whatever he is to become hereafter, for 
 that he must be prepared now. If we desire him to 
 be physically strong in his manhood, we must help 
 him to gain a good bodily constitution in- his childhood 
 and youth. We always train the boy for the calling 
 of the man ; if he is to be a mechanic, he is appren- 
 ticed to that craft, and his master not only tells him how 
 his trade must be learned, and shows him his work, 
 but sees also that he does that work ; so is he made 
 a skilful mechanic. Why, then, merely teach your 
 child the way of his duty ? Why expect a youth to 
 be perfect in morals, any more than in mechanics, un- 
 less he perform, as well as learn, what is right ? In 
 all secular pursuits, it is our maxim that "practice 
 makes perfect." Is the formation of character an 
 exception to this rule ? Will a child be made good 
 by theory alone ? Nay, theory without practice is 
 the bane of education ; to lean, as many apparently 
 now do, wholly upon it, is a fatal mistake. 
 
 We all know the importance of good habits. But 
 what is habit ? It is a condition reached by the fre- 
 quent repetition of some act. You cannot, then, 
 teach a child good habiu ; he must be trained to 
 them ; that is, he must be required to do what is 
 right, and to do it over and over again, until custom 
 becomes with him a second nature. Let him stand
 
 TEACHINC INSUFFICIENT. 67 
 
 perfectly still while you tell him what he ought to do, 
 and you may talk the breath out of your body before 
 he will have a good character. You wish your 
 daughter to be industrious ; you tell her she ought 
 to be, but does that make her so ? Nay, it is only 
 her doing day after day the very work you set before 
 her that will render her industrious. The Danes, in 
 times of yore, were accustomed to have their wealth 
 buried with them in their graves, that their children 
 might be obliged to labor for a subsistence. Better 
 were it now, that the millions of the rich man were 
 sealed up in his tomb, than left to be squandered by 
 sons he had never trained to habits of industry and 
 toil. 
 
 The parent often becomes the servant of his child 
 from a mistaken kindness. He would save him from 
 labor as a favor, and bring him up delicately and in- 
 dulgently. Alas for his error ! when shall we learn 
 that true kindness requires us to bring up our chil- 
 dren to rely on themselves. Self-help, the habit of 
 doing all we can for ourselves, rather than leaning 
 upon others, is the main shaft of a good character. 
 Better form your child to do this, than leave him the 
 wealth of the Indies, with a feeble' and indolent re- 
 liance upon you. Who has not seen the melan- 
 choly fate of those never educated to self-trust, when 
 they left the parental roof ? Multitudes have been 
 wrecked in the society of the vicious, through the 
 frailty of their own principles, a frailty which
 
 68 THE CHEISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 sprung from the false kindness of those who should 
 have trained them to self-reliance, moral firmness, 
 and stability of character. 
 
 The child needs, what the man must have, estab- 
 lished principles. It is far from enough to find fault 
 with his errors, and leave him there. We must 
 show him what is right, the broad foundations of du- 
 ty ; the law of God, that must be fixed in his mind. 
 And it is to be fixed there, not by instruction alone, 
 but by instruction and practice. A child forms a 
 clear idea of the right only by doing what is right. 
 He learns more by performing one good action than 
 he can from hours of teaching unaccompanied by 
 effort. There is no economy of means in educa- 
 tion like practice. We wear ourselves out in giv- 
 ing children lectures on good conduct, when a single 
 act of virtue on their part would do more for them 
 than all our words. Instruction is needed, is essen- 
 tial, but practice is still more so. You have, per- 
 haps, a little girl, whom you would render benev- 
 olent ; lead her to some poor family, and let her 
 there see the misery of poverty, and then go home 
 and save all she can of her own small fund, and give 
 to that family. You will in this way imprint on her 
 mind a lesson of charity that books, stories, descrip- 
 tions, and mere personal exhortations, could never 
 have imparted. The germ of a true Christian, sec- 
 ond only to the love of God, is self-sacrifice. 
 Whatever, therefore, you can do to encourage that
 
 TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. 69 
 
 spirit in your child, through his own actions, sup- 
 pose it be by receiving and thanking him for the 
 least gift, or by the least voluntary denial on his part 
 of his own appetites, or suppression of his selfish 
 desires, makes you his unspeakable benefactor. 
 
 The vital difference between teaching and training 
 is illustrated by the habit of truthfulness. Every 
 parent inculcates the importance of truth ; but it is not 
 seldom done through words alone. The little child is 
 credulous ; he believes everything said by his father 
 and mother. His conception of absolute truth is 
 derived from this source. What an influence is 
 here ! How solicitous should these parents be that 
 their child never have cause to lose his confidence in 
 their veracity ! How should they guard against the 
 least word which may bring it into suspicion ! That 
 parent who deceives his child is, in reality, his worst 
 foe ; he breaks the silver cord of trust in his heart. 
 You can render a little one no greater injury, none 
 more fatal to all that is purest and noblest within 
 him, than to add aught to the truth, or take anything 
 from it, knowingly, in your intercourse with him. 
 For, " if father does it," argues the child, " then it 
 must be right ; if mother says what is not quite true, 
 what harm can there be in it ? " 
 
 And the great danger lies in trifling deviations 
 from the truth. A gross falsehood repels a child 
 by its enormity ; but a little untruth he can learn to 
 pass over as innocent. Sometimes the parent teach-
 
 70 THE CHRISTIAN PAEENT. 
 
 es truth, yet practises uttering these slight untruths. 
 His child does the same, and it passes unreproved ; 
 he is insensibly trained to do the very opposite of 
 what he is taught. Dr. Johnson said, that if a child 
 affirmed that he saw a thing out of one window, 
 when in reality he saw it out of another, he ought to 
 be punished for it. It is more, doubtless, from 
 carelessness about truth in small matters, than from 
 intentional lying, that there is so much falsehood in 
 the world. On this account a child should be edu- 
 cated to a strict regard for truth in the smallest 
 things. You do not know where the slightest devia- 
 tion from truth may finally lead him. 
 
 There is a habit of exaggeration in some families, 
 which is fraught with untruth. They apply the 
 strongest epithet to every trivial subject. " This 
 man is splendid ; that man is a wretch ; the bread is 
 elegant ; the water is detestable." Every person 
 and every thing is in the extreme. Repress this per- 
 nicious habit in your children ; show them its fatal 
 tendency as a corrupter of the truth. Do not allow 
 them to go into raptures about a mere dish on the 
 table, or an article of dress. Keep them to the 
 truth, and keep yourself, also, to it ; there is no sub- 
 ject where preaching without practice produces less 
 profit than on this. Govern your lips and restrain 
 your feelings, and shun exaggeration as a moral 
 poison. 
 
 " But are there not occasions," you may ask,'
 
 TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. 71 
 
 " when a parent cannot adhere to the literal truth ? " 
 I answer, that, in nearly every instance where the 
 right is claimed to falsify or prevaricate to children, 
 there is no need of practising deception. We may, 
 and we sometimes must, decline answering their 
 questions ; but to give an answer we know to be 
 wrong is never required of or permitted in us. 
 Better be silent, and determinately refuse any reply 
 to a child's question, better do anything, than tell 
 him a direct falsehood. 
 
 A prolific source of untruth in children is fear. 
 They dare not, in many cases, speak the truth, and 
 expose their own misdeeds, through fear of punish- 
 ment. But were it not better to remit the penalty 
 of an offence, than encourage deception ? I would 
 pardon almost any error in a child, were he only true 
 in his confessions. Confession, I know, may be- 
 come a habit, and thus make the occasions for it fre- 
 quent. But no evil of this kind can counterbalance 
 the terrible evils of a habit of deceit and untruth. 
 
 Teach your children to discern the truth clearly, 
 and to speak it boldly. The young easily perceive 
 what is right, just, and true ; they are quick to de- 
 tect falsity, and they have a natural love of the truth. 
 The habit of lying is always an acquired one. Did 
 parents train their children anxiously and vigilantly 
 to avoid every shade of falsehood, in their speech 
 and their conduct, to follow the dictates of their 
 own hearts and their own consciences, instead of do-
 
 72 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 ing like others, they would continue, as in infancy, 
 so in childhood, youth, and age, to love and cling to 
 the simple truth. Keep the fountain pure, and the 
 streams will then le pure. 
 
 Our children will never be fixed in the habit of 
 truthfulness until we regard it ourselves as the very 
 aorta of their moral education. We must see and 
 feel that it is the main artery, through which alone 
 their spiritual life-blood can flow. I would that our 
 Christian mothers gave this virtue the prominence 
 given to it by a heathen mother in Africa. Mr. 
 Park relates that a party of Moors attacked the 
 flocks of an African village, in which he was stop- 
 ping, and that a youth of the place was mortally 
 wounded in the affray. The natives placed him on 
 horseback and led him home, while his mother pre- 
 ceded the train, and spoke of the virtues of her boy ; 
 and, with clasped hands and streaming eyes, she 
 showed the bitterness of her grief. But the great 
 quality, which she most of all praised in him, was ex- 
 pressed in these touching words : " He never, nev- 
 er, never told a Zie." 
 
 A prevalent vice of our times, one which is ev- 
 idently increasing in our cities and populous towns, 
 is profane speaking. Many of our boys are falling 
 into this habit, and the evil is the more to be dread- 
 ed from its subtle approach. No child becomes 
 suddenly profane ; he begins with using strong epi- 
 thets, perhaps words that sound like those used by
 
 TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. 73 
 
 the swearer. He goes on, step by step, until his 
 mouth becomes polluted with the foulest language. 
 Little children sometimes think it smart and manly 
 to imitate their seniors' profanity ; but they always 
 do it by degrees. How shall the parent prevent 
 this pernicious practice ? 
 
 It is well to teach children the sinfulness of pro- 
 fane speaking, and warn them of the dangers of all 
 language that may lead to it. But beyond that, we 
 must also train them to a perfect purity of speech. 
 Neve? permit any word of asseveration to become 
 habitual with your child. " Darn " is not " damn," 
 and yet it is kindred to it, and the use of the one 
 may easily slide into that of the other. It does no 
 good to break out continually with " Gracious ! " 
 u Conscience ! " " By George ! " nor by any one 
 else. If you allow these expressions in the boy, 
 the man, perhaps the youth even, may think them 
 too tame, and proceed to the strong language of di- 
 rect oaths. Check every propensity of this kind in 
 the bud. If you smile at this practice, and I 
 have known some parents who even thought it 
 sounded brave in their little son to swear, and many 
 I know who laugh at their by- words as "cunning," 
 if you smile now, you may yet weep at the result of 
 the habit you encourage. The only safe course lies 
 in total abstinence from all language that is kindred 
 to oaths, in keeping your child free from every im- 
 pure word, let it be profane, or vulgar, or obscene, 
 or in any wise tending to pollute his spirit.
 
 74 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 Children should be taught that many little acts, 
 unimportant in themselves, become all-important by 
 laying the foundation of a habit. Plato reproved a 
 boy for his manner of play at some childish game. 
 " You blame me," said the boy, " for a very little 
 thing." -"Custom," replied Plato, "is no little 
 thing." A child is sometimes praised for cheating 
 his playfellow in a sly manner ; the act seems a tri- 
 fle, yet it will lead, if you do not check it, still 
 more if you commend it, it will lead to a habit of 
 deception in his whole future life. The mother is 
 amused to see her little boy stone the birds, or kill 
 harmless insects ; but that very smile encourages in 
 her child a spirit that will terminate, perhaps, in 
 deeds of tyranny and cruelty at which she would 
 shudder. Girls often take pleasure in teasing a cat ; 
 but they may, by this little act, acquire the ele- 
 ments of an imperious and domineering disposition. 
 Your son speaks to a domestic in tones which qualify 
 him to become the unfeeling master, perhaps the 
 willing slaveholder. It is a small thing in a boy to 
 destroy his little brother's or sister's plaything ; it is 
 not, however, a small thing to oppress a poor man, 
 to lord it over our inferiors, and to make vassals of 
 those who serve us ; and all these are the legitimate 
 fruits of early cruelty to those younger and weaker 
 than ourselves. 
 
 " Of what consequence," it may be asked, " is 
 it what food a child takes, or what garments you
 
 TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. 75 
 
 procure for him, so he is but made happy ? " None 
 at all, I answer, if you leave out of sight the law of 
 habit. But when you think of this law, you will not 
 allow him to pass by the bread, and make his whole 
 meal of cake. For soon he will destroy his appe- 
 tite for simple food, and with it his health may be 
 impaired, and his very life, perhaps, at last sacri- 
 ficed. Besides, it is unkind to a child to bring 'him 
 up in dainty habits. Encourage in your children 
 simple tastes, a love of plain food, and of a merely 
 neat dress. Do this on principle, whatever may be 
 your circumstances in life ; for then, if they are here- 
 after needy, they will be content with a lot for which 
 you have so well prepared them. If, on the other 
 hand, they are rich, they will the more enjoy their 
 wealth, and the luxuries it procures for them, from 
 the contrast of their abundance with the frugal habits 
 of their early days. 
 
 For the same reasons, I would encourage refined 
 manners, not only in society, but in the bosom of the 
 family. u Why do this among those who know each 
 other so well ? " you may ask. I reply, if they are 
 gentle and respectful at home, they will surely be so 
 abroad. To thank others for favors, when we are 
 accustomed to thank husband or wife, father and 
 mother, brothers and sisters, every day, becomes easy, 
 almost unavoidable. Let there be politeness at your 
 own table, and your children will show it everywhere 
 else. If it be assumed only on certain occasions,
 
 76 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 their manner will be stiff and embarrassed ; but let 
 it be common every hour, and at every meeting in 
 the family circle, and you will see in them at all 
 times the true gentleman and the true lady. 
 
 By politeness I do not mean artificial, still less af- 
 fected, manners. It is not Chesterfield, but Paul, I 
 would set up as a model in this respect. " What- 
 soever things are lovely " are closely connected 
 with " whatsoever things are of good report." 
 Teach your children gentle manners, and you do 
 much to give them kind feelings. " St. Paul," it 
 was once said, " was a finished gentleman." This 
 is true ; he had a benevolent heart, and a great 
 knowledge of human nature, and these two things 
 are the basis of genuine politeness. A child, by 
 being courteous to his parents, gains an insight of 
 other persons' feelings, and he also acquires the 
 habit of consulting other persons' happiness. Let 
 your daughter be civil to brother and sister, or let 
 your son be gentle to every inmate of your family, 
 and they will become so to all out of the family. 
 Christian politeness will then be with them " a sec- 
 ond nature." 
 
 I know of no better illustration of the power of 
 right training than its effect on a child's control of his 
 apprehensions and fears. Some mothers tremble 
 and betray terror at the approach of a thunder-storm ; 
 so, uniformly, do their daughters. The mother 
 screams at the sight of a snake or a toad ; the little
 
 TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. 77 
 
 child at her side echoes that scream. Is the horse 
 in the carriage restive ? The mother cries out for 
 fright, and each girl and boy learns soon to cry still 
 louder. And who has not seen the almost mirac- 
 ulous influence, en the other hand, of composure in 
 danger, and the expression of reliance upon our Fa- 
 ther in heaven, as it is caught from a mother's lips 
 and eye ? In this age of weak nerves, it is of the 
 last importance that our children be guarded, both 
 by precept and example, against the fears of imag- 
 ination. We should form the habit, even in the in- 
 fant, of self-possession. It is hardly too much to 
 recommend the course which Montaigne tells us his 
 father pursued with him, from his earliest years. 
 " Some," says he, " being of opinion it troubles 
 and disturbs the brains of children suddenly to wake 
 them in the morning, and to snatch them violently 
 and over-hastily from sleep (wherein they are much 
 more profoundly involved than we), he caused me 
 to be waked by the sound of some musical instru- 
 ment, and was never unprovided of a musician for 
 that purpose." Let us spare no reasonable efforts 
 to fortify the nerves of our children. Nothing is 
 better for this purpose than inducing them and 1 
 would even do it by authority, if it could not be 
 done otherwise to take physical exercise in the 
 open air, when neither their amusements nor their oc- 
 cupation lead to it. The effect of this practice on 
 their mind and character, as well as on their bodily 
 health, will be seen through their whole lives.
 
 78 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 Closely connected with this topic is that of edu- 
 cating our children in habits of industry. It is not 
 enough to talk earnestly against idleness ; we must 
 see that they are actually not idle. For the sake of 
 health, let them never contract habits of indolence. 
 A child should be taught the necessity of employing 
 every part of his nature diligently and in earnest. 
 " Nine tenths of the miseries and vices of manhood 
 proceed," says Carlyle, " from idleness." This is 
 a strong statement, but I believe it to be true. 
 What more wretched than the feeling that one has 
 absolutely nothing to do ? " When I rise in the 
 morning," observes some old writer, "if I can think 
 of anything to do, if it is but the plucking of a rose, 
 I am happy." Labor should be represented to the 
 young as a blessing, and constant, useful occupation 
 should be shown, both by precept and example, to 
 be the truest happiness. 
 
 Idleness is a prolific parent of the vices. Noth- 
 ing is more dangerous to the character of children 
 than to allow them to remain unemployed. If they 
 are not doing good, they will certainly do evil ; if 
 their thoughts are not directed to profitable topics, 
 they will roam upon all that is ensnaring and cor- 
 rupt. Leave them to themselves, and you are sow- 
 ing those seeds which spring up in vanity and folly, if 
 haply they do not yield a fearful harvest at the haunts 
 of dissipation, intemperance, gambling, shame, and 
 ruin. Teach, as far as possible, useful occupations ;
 
 TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. 79 
 
 but, rather than permit your son to be idle, set him 
 to removing a pile of stones from one end to the 
 other of your garden. Keep your daughter em- 
 ployed, always excepting a liberal allowance of 
 time for recreation, keep her busy. Better knit 
 what you know must be all unravelled, better any- 
 thing that is harmless, than that she form the habit 
 of sitting, hour after hour, perfectly idle. I would 
 have a child's conscience so educated that he should 
 regard the waste of time as a sin, like dishonesty or 
 untruth. To how many sins, indeed, does it inev- 
 itably lead ! 
 
 Whatever, in short, we may teach or tell our chil- 
 dren about their various duties, let us not stop there. 
 Instruction may succeed in forming a good charac- 
 ter, but how often does it fall short of it ! We see 
 the well-informed prove inefficient, and the good 
 scholar make an indolent, a wayward, or a passionate 
 and self-willed man. The great evil in the moral 
 world is, that, while we know what is right, we fail to 
 perform it. Knowledge is good, but principle, firm- 
 ness of purpose, benevolence, and well-doing are im- 
 measurably better. Intelligence is to be desired ; so 
 also, and far beyond it in value, is virtue ; and the 
 only sure link between the understanding and the heart 
 and the life is that which is forged in the fires of 
 early culture. Knowledge is being poured into the 
 mind from a thousand fountains ; books, conversa- 
 tion, teachers, experience, all life, in one word, are
 
 80 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 daily adding to its stores. But character is formed 
 by a single process alone. On the quiet grounds of 
 the individual soul, silently and slowly, must this 
 temple of God be erected. Gold, silver, and pre- 
 cious stones are all that may enter into the structure. 
 Blessed is that parent whose child bears the marks 
 of this divine workmanship ! 
 
 " Train up a child in the way he should go." 
 How wide is the scope of this precept ! It goes 
 oeyond all formal instructions, all set speeches 
 and lectures to the young, and embraces the entire 
 experience of that God-appointed institution, the 
 family. We train our children, let it also be re- 
 membered, by the general tone of our own conver- 
 sation, by the spirit we indulge and the feelings we 
 cherish, and by our air and manner ; these constitute 
 the basis of parental education. What we do cas- 
 ually, and without any immediate intention -of influ- 
 encing our children, is the great moulding power of 
 our household. We may teach what we please ; 
 but that alone will not decide the character of these 
 little ones. It is what we do and say, nay, what we 
 think and feel, in our inmost soul, that accomplishes 
 the larger part of this mighty work. The state of 
 our heart, our affection for God and man, or our ha- 
 bitual indifference to eternal things, and our inbred 
 selfishness, these are what train our children. 
 We cannot seal up this inner fountain ; its waters, 
 if they do not gush forth openly, will yet ooze out,
 
 TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. 81 
 
 and will fall on the minds and hearts of our offspring, 
 either to blight them, like the pestilential miasma, or, 
 like the dews and showers of heaven, to freshen 
 them and quicken them to an unfading verdure. 
 
 The necessity of training children, as well as 
 teaching them, is inculcated constantly in the Scrip- 
 tures. The command is to " bring them up in the 
 nurture and admonition of the Lord." This involves 
 far more than merely telling them how they ought to 
 be brought up. It involves a reciprocal duty on the 
 part of the child. "Children, obey your parents in 
 all things," so runs the Divine command. Obe- 
 dience, then, is indispensable to a Christian educa- 
 tion. Accordingly, the parent must not only frame 
 rules for the government of his family, but those 
 rules must be enforced. The authority vested in 
 him by God is not to lie dormant, but with calmness 
 and in love it must be steadily exercised.
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 OBEDIENCE. 
 
 THE foundation of all excellence of character 
 consists in obedience. He who has never learned 
 to yield to authority as authority, that is, to give up 
 his own will to a higher power, and to do it quietly, 
 meekly, with an unquestioning spirit, has made little 
 progress as a moral and spiritual being. The basis 
 of civil society consists in this principle ; without it, 
 government, law, order, nay, society itself, could 
 not exist a single day. We live under the laws of 
 God and nature ; take away obedience to them, 
 let every one do as he pleases, and resist whatever 
 laws he dislikes or cannot understand, and chaos and 
 confusion would fill the universe ; again would the 
 earth be without form and void, and again darkness be 
 on the face of the deep. There is a moral law, writ- 
 ten on our inner members, and we are compelled to 
 obey it. If we deny its authority, and resist its 
 mandates, we cannot escape the penalty. To do 
 right is obedience, and it is, therefore, to be happy ; 
 to do wrong is disobedience, and it is to bring inev-
 
 OBEDIENCE. 83 
 
 itably on ourselves more or less suffering. So, too, 
 there is a physical law ; we can prolong our lives, 
 and continue in health, only on certain conditions, 
 conditions which we have no choice in observing. 
 He who persists in disobeying the authority of God, 
 as expressed through the laws of the body, must 
 reap the consequences of his conduct, in the form of 
 sickness and death. 
 
 Constituted as we thus are, compelled through 
 our lives to submit to authority, it becomes impor- 
 tant that we learn this lesson in our earliest child- 
 hood. The fact should be impressed on the very 
 infant, that he has no alternative but obedience ; the 
 sooner he is taught this, the kinder is his discipline. 
 To neglect it can proceed only from a mistaken 
 fondness ; for what is it but to encourage in him a 
 disposition to resistance and disobedience in general, 
 a spirit which must cause him disappointment and 
 pain in all subsequent years ? If he is trained, on 
 the other hand, to obey now, then will he submit 
 easily and cheerfully to law in every form. He will 
 respect the laws of the land, and make a good cit- 
 izen and a genuine patriot. He will obey the laws 
 of his physical frame, and, so far as depends on him- 
 self, will possess good health and enjoy a long life. 
 He will submit to the moral law, obey God and his 
 conscience, advance in spiritual excellence, and be 
 an honor and a blessing to his race, and an heir of 
 Heaven.
 
 84 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 Every one must have noticed that children like to 
 be commanded, provided always it be done in the 
 right manner. The love of law is inherent in the 
 human heart ; order, system, regularity, are agreeable 
 to our nature. We are fond of subordination, and 
 we yield the tribute of submission to authority with 
 cheerfulness, if we have not been provoked to anger. 
 " When," in the language of another, " a child is 
 brought to exercise a spirit of true and loving sub- 
 mission to the good law of his parents, what will you 
 see, many times, but a look of childish joy, and a 
 happy sweetness of manner, and a ready delight in 
 authority ? " 
 
 Now, whose is the duty of imprinting on the 
 young mind this great doctrine of obedience ? It 
 belongs, in part, to every teacher and every guardi- 
 an of our youth. No opportunity should be lost of 
 instructing, and, what is far more important, of train- 
 ing, the child early to obey. But at the head of all 
 teachers and guardians, in this respect, stands the 
 parent. To his hands the little one is specially com- 
 mitted ; his, before all other beings, is the duty, ana 
 his the responsibility, of securing the habit of uni- 
 form, implicit obedience. If a daughter be allowed 
 in habitual disrespect to her mother, it is vain to call 
 on her teacher, or any agency whatever abroad, to 
 supply the melancholy deficiency at home. Let the 
 son grow up contemning the authority of his father, 
 and no earthly being can implant in him the seeds of
 
 OBEDIENCE. 85 
 
 a modest, unquestioning respect for any will or any 
 power but his own. 
 
 The truth of our position is sustained by the 
 Scriptures. Both the Old and the New Testament 
 require children to obey. But whom must they 
 obey ? Their parents. " Honor thy father and thy 
 mother," is the first commandment, and it is at- 
 tended, by way of eminence, " with promise." 
 Terrible is the retribution of filial disobedience. 
 " The eye that mocketh at his father, and despis- 
 eth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley 
 shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it." 
 Among the praises of Abraham, as expressed by 
 Jehovah himself, is this : " For I know him, that 
 he will command his children after him." The 
 book of Proverbs is replete with instruction to par- 
 ents. "Chasten thy son while there is hope." 
 " A child left to himself bringeth his mother to 
 shame." " Correct thy son, and he shall give thee 
 rest ; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul." 
 " Train up a child in the way he should go, and when 
 he is old he will not depart from it." Observe 
 this word, train ; it is not said, tell him the way, 
 and then leave him to take it or not, as he chooses, 
 but " train " him, that is, require him to take it. 
 The law of obedience was not repealed by the Gos- 
 pel ; on the contrary, it was expressly confirmed by 
 it. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for 
 this is right." Paul, in his Epistle to the Colos-
 
 86 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 sians, writes thus : " Children, obey your parents 
 in all things, for this is well pleasing unto the Lord." 
 " Ye fathers, bring up your children in the nurture 
 and admonition of the Lord." That is, educate 
 them as the Lord God requires of you. So is it 
 manifest that no parent who recognizes the authority 
 of revelation can fail of exacting from his child a 
 uniform obedience to his commands. 
 
 And not only through the Scriptures, but by the 
 discipline of our lives, the Great Father of mankind 
 is teaching the doctrine before us. He provides for 
 our wants, but in what manner ? Only in conform- 
 ity with certain laws ; which laws, to secure the sup- 
 ply of our wants, we must steadily obey. He gives 
 us our daily bread ; yet only on condition we labor 
 for it. He commands us to work, and tells us 
 continually, " If any man will not work, neither 
 shall he eat." What are our trials, crosses, pains, 
 and griefs, but so many distinct calls to obey Him 
 who appoints them ? He sends sickness on those 
 who are dear to us. Perhaps the very arm on 
 which the family leans for subsistence is stricken 
 with disease, and made helpless. Why does God 
 deal thus with us ? We know not ; but this we do 
 know, one thing alone we can do, and that is, submit 
 to his decree. Our loved ones waste away with 
 lingering illness ; day after day, their strength fails ; 
 and every hour the dread issue is drawing nigh. 
 Soon O, how soon does it seem ! all is over ;
 
 OBEDIENCE. 87 
 
 our fondest hppes concerning them are crushed, and 
 the most blooming and most trusted in of all, it may 
 be, is called away. The high Sovereign, in whose 
 hands we lie, perhaps, repeats the sad stroke. The 
 young, the old, hearts knit with our own, loved 
 faces, venerated forms, one by one, and in how 
 quick succession, he touches them, and they are 
 gone. How can we bear these dark visitations ? 
 What can reconcile us to this dreary lot ? One 
 thought alone. It is that God commands, and 
 therefore must we obey ; it is a Father's will, irre- 
 sistible, and in that view awful, yet as gentle as it is 
 decided, and therefore do we at last, with a meek 
 resignation, yield to it in submission. 
 
 The earthly parent must obey the mandates of 
 Heaven, and he is to look up and take pattern from 
 this divine model. As we are often called to sur- 
 render our judgment, and bow to that of God, so 
 the child must bow ; he must do and bear what his 
 reason cannot yet fathom, because it is the will of a 
 father or a mother. In many events which we can- 
 not fathom, the Sovereign of the universe is saying 
 to us, " What I do thou knowest not now, but 
 thou shall know hereafter." So says the parent to 
 his child, and this must suffice him ; in his tender 
 years he must obey, obey even where the com- 
 mand seems dark to unreasonableness. He is nev- 
 er to resist, except where his conscience is violated, 
 and the authority of father and mother is overruled 
 by the distinct and majestic voice of God.
 
 88 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 Obedience is required by the superiority of the 
 parent. Wherever human beings are placed togeth- 
 er, there must be order, and order cannot be se- 
 cured without discipline, subordination, and author- 
 ity. We live in a social state, in a community, and 
 under a government. But no government can be 
 sustained without obedience to superiors. Let ev- 
 ery man make a constitution for himself, and take 
 the laws into his own hand, and civil society is at 
 once overthrown. Now, home is a society ; it de- 
 mands some controlling power, and that power must 
 be exercised. But where shall it be lodged ? God 
 has decided this question. He has placed the father 
 and the mother as the united head of the home so- 
 ciety. And it is not only their right, but their 
 bounden duty, to maintain their authority. Their 
 children come to them ignorant, inexperienced, and 
 helpless ; and they can receive the benefit of the 
 superior knowledge and wisdom and experience of 
 their parents in no possible manner except by unhes- 
 itating obedience. Through infancy, childhood, and 
 youth, so long, indeed, as they remain in a state 
 of pupilage, they must look up to these two be- 
 ings for the law of their lives. 
 
 The basis, I remark next, of some of the noblest 
 and some of the purest traits in the character is laid 
 by the quality in question. " The consciousness of 
 the superiority of others is a good feeling in youth, as 
 at all ages, -for it elevates the ideal standard to which
 
 OBEDIENCE. 89 
 
 we aspire ; while self-confidence in youth is an over- 
 weening insolence toward time and nature. If the 
 feeling of the superiority of others is a delusion, it is 
 a delusion which raises human nature, and is better 
 than that which lowers it." You desire to see your 
 child respectful, self-controlled, and of a teachable 
 and a loving temper. You wish him to be modest, 
 humble, and grateful. But you can expect in him 
 no one of these dispositions, if he is habitually diso- 
 bedient to you. Hophni and Phineas hearkened not 
 >to the voice of their father Eli, but spurned his au- 
 thority. And what was the consequence ? They 
 were sons of Belial, and in one day both came to a 
 miserable death. Such is, in all ages, the fruit of 
 filial disobedience. The child who is allowed to 
 trample on or disregard the will of a parent never 
 learns to control his own will. He is the victim of 
 passion, turbulence, or caprice. He has no respect 
 for his seniors and superiors. He thinks no one can 
 teach him, and he has no steady affection, not even 
 for those at his own fireside. He is moodish, fitful, 
 impatient, ill-humored. How different the child 
 who is trained to a quiet, unquestioning obedience ! 
 Such a one, controlled by another, learns easily to 
 control himself. Respectful to father and mother, 
 he is so to all others ; he is mild, teachable, and 
 gentle, while he is also full of energy and activity. 
 The daughter, who is deferential to her parents, is 
 found to respect her teachers, to be modest, hum- 
 ble, kind, and grateful.
 
 90 THE CHRISTIAN PAEENT. 
 
 So powerful is the effect of obedience on the 
 character, that we often see those who in childhood 
 were subjected to the unreasonable commands and 
 the harsh treatment of intemperate parents, and were 
 forced by terror to obey, in after life become men 
 of great worth, showing extraordinary power of 
 self-control, and enjoying the respect and confidence 
 of their fellow-men. Who can doubt that such per- 
 sons often owe their character and standing to the 
 habit of instant obedience acquired in early life un- 
 der their severe and undesirable discipline ? This 
 result is a compensation in part for the sad lot of be- 
 ing trained by vicious parents. Show me a single 
 instance where the higher moral qualities grow on the 
 same stock with habitual disobedience to parents in 
 childhood, and I will yield the point, and confess that 
 men may " gather grapes of thorns, and figs of this- 
 tles." 
 
 Let it not be thought I advocate a system of 
 sternness and severity, and that the course recom- 
 mended would alienate a child's affections. This is 
 not true ; children have by nature a sense of justice, 
 and a love of order. They do not dislike authority, 
 but see at once its reasonableness. Only let your 
 government be steady, uniform, consistent, and you 
 will find little disposition to resist it. Doubtless 
 there may be a rigid, tyrannical discipline, and a re- 
 lentless use of the rod, which shall repel a child 
 from its parent, and make his image, through life,
 
 OBEDIENCE. 91 
 
 one of terror instead of love. But is this insep- 
 arable from the exercise of parental authority ? 
 Shall we never lay a command, lest we forfeit a 
 child's love ? Such is not the law of God. 
 
 To say that the exercise of authority leads of ne- 
 cessity to sternness, and prevents that tender and 
 confiding spirit which should exist in this relation, is 
 to impeach the Author of revelation. For parents 
 are required by the Bible to bring their children up 
 in the nurture of the Lord. This they cannot do 
 without obedience on the part of their children. 
 But does God require of the father and mother to 
 do what cannot be done without alienating their off- 
 spring, and destroying their love ? 
 
 That the affection of the child is sometimes chilled 
 by the exercise of parental authority, I admit ; but 
 it is not because, from the nature of the case, it al- 
 ways must be so. No, the evil lies here : we issue 
 our commands with wrong motives and feelings. 
 Perhaps we do it in a dictatorial temper, or with ca- 
 price. Not unfrequently it is done in a tone and 
 with a spirit contrary to that prescribed by the 
 Apostle. " Fathers," said he, " provoke not your 
 children to anger." The parent who governs his 
 child in anger is quite sure to excite his anger, and 
 so to impair his affection ; but, on the other hand, 
 he whose authority is as calm and gentle as it is de- 
 cided and firm will not quench, but increase, the 
 love of his child.
 
 92 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 It is, then, a grievous error to imagine a child can- 
 not be controlled without the sacrifice of his affec- 
 tions. Nay, it is not authority, it is indulgence, 
 which, in the long term of years, alienates and ren- 
 ders children hard-hearted and unfeeling. In the 
 language of one of our most experienced and suc- 
 cessful teachers, "It is among the mysteries of 
 human nature, that indulgence never awakens grati- 
 tude or love in the heart of a child. The child 
 who is most indulged is uniformly most ungrateful, 
 most selfish, most unconcerned about the happiness 
 of father and mother." Is it indeed so ? Then, 
 for his own sake, no less than for his child's, the 
 wise parent will shun the rock of undue indulgence. 
 He will be considerate in his demands ; he will make 
 few rules, and those only that are good and just ; and 
 then, with a kind spirit, joined to a firm manner, he 
 will see that they are invariably obeyed. " Kind, 
 yet firm," be that our rule, and we shall not lose, 
 but increase, the regard and love of our children. 
 
 " That law shall tame the fiercest, bring down the battlements 
 
 of pride, 
 
 Cherish the weak, control the strong, and win the fearful 
 spirit." 
 
 To govern a child thus firmly and happily is in- 
 deed no easy task. It is far easier to let him do as 
 he pleases, or, on the other extreme, to rule him 
 with a rod of iron. But, though difficult, it is not 
 impossible. No ; would the parent but begin early,
 
 OBEDIENCE. 93 
 
 and use the rein, instead of the whip, for discipline, 
 he would find his success morally certain. It is an 
 error of many mothers to put off the period of au- 
 thority till its exercise is too late for effect. The 
 little one is so young they cannot bear to cross it ; 
 its freaks of temper, or little acts of deception and 
 evasions of authority, perhaps, create only a smile. 
 " By and by," says the mother, " I shall correct 
 these things." Alas, how many thus foster the ser- 
 pent that afterward stings their own bosom ! The 
 child is obstinate ; the mother gives way. "It is 
 not time," she says to herself, " yet ; I cannot 
 think so soon of breaking the dear one's will " ; 
 and so he is left to himself till the sturdy, self-willed 
 boy at last, perhaps, breaks her heart. Were it not 
 easier and happier far, looking at the issue, to have 
 controlled this little one from his very cradle ? 
 
 Great harm often comes from allowing our chil- 
 dren to object and argue against our commands. 
 Some will not give an order, lest it subject them to 
 a long course of debating, and demurring, and rea- 
 soning, troublesome to themselves and degrading to 
 their authority. Others think we should allow and 
 encourage our children to argue with us about every- 
 thing we require of them. To silence their ques- 
 tionings, in any instance, seems to such persons 
 harsh. But if the child is to stand on a level with 
 the parent, then what is his authority ? Can we rea- 
 son against a law of the State, and make our argu-
 
 94 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 ments a good ground for its violation ? May we 
 argue down a command of God ? " These com- 
 mands," you may reply, " are all reasonable." So 
 are those of a wise parent. But we cannot, certain- 
 ly, understand every case in which we are obliged to 
 submit to our Father in heaven. Many, too, must 
 obey the constitution and the laws without being sat- 
 isfied with them. So must the child obey its parent, 
 obey without murmuring or questioning, simply 
 because he or she is a parent. To allow him to 
 substitute his own conviction for our command, is to 
 break down all parental government. To listen to 
 the plea, that we infringe his personal liberty, is a fa- 
 tal mistake. To encourage either son or daughter 
 in the idea, that obedience is mean and degrading, is 
 giving countenance to a mournful error. Obedience 
 degrading ! Nay, what more honorable ? What 
 truer than the exhortation of the king of Israel : 
 " My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and for- 
 sake not the law of thy mother ; for they shall be an 
 ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about 
 thy neck " ? 
 
 A command, I repeat, is to be obeyed because it 
 is a command, given by one clothed with a divine 
 authority. Let the mother show her very infant that 
 his will must yield to hers. As he advances in 
 years, the father also should exact an unquestioning 
 obedience. We look back on our childhood, and 
 see, that, in a multitude of instances, what appeared
 
 OBEDIENCE. 95 
 
 to us at that time the arbitrary commands of a stern, 
 perhaps even of a selfish, father, were in truth the 
 very opposite of this ; they were dictated by love for 
 us, and a regard to our highest good. We should 
 mourn now, had we not then been constrained to 
 obedience. Every wise parent acts with this view 
 in his mind. No change of times, no mistaken re- 
 mission of authority by other parents, will induce 
 him to yield his authority, and become the servant, 
 instead of the master, of his child. 
 
 If it be asked whether you are never to explain 
 yourself to your child, and never allow him to argue 
 in regard to your commands, I would say, surely 
 you are. But when, or to what degree, you shall 
 do it, must not be left to the judgment of your child, 
 but depend on your own best wisdom. You may 
 sometimes mistake, and defer less to his views than 
 his age and capacities would render proper. If so, 
 it is his misfortune ; it is not your fault, if you have 
 been calm and deliberate in your command, and 
 have sought to do precisely right. The difficulty 
 commonly is, that children, when allowed to hesitate 
 before obeying their parents, soon become imperious 
 and unreasonable in their expectations, and finally 
 set up their sophistry and their pride, if not the force 
 of their will, in opposition to parental authority. 
 Therefore is it essential, when wrong views or feel- 
 ings are manifested, to end the discussion by a mild 
 but firm exercise of that ultimate power which is 
 vested in you alone.
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. 
 
 BUT how can the parent secure uniform obedi- 
 ence ? Suppose a child resists our authority, shall 
 we, after trying all other methods without success, 
 resort at last to corporal punishment ? Not if there 
 be any possible means of avoiding it. You may say 
 you have tried everything else ; but are you sure 
 this is true ? Have you exhausted all the powers of 
 persuasion ? Have you been calm, persevering, 
 and patient in the use of every experiment ? It 
 may be asked why I put these questions. Why not 
 at once allow the rod to be employed ? I answer, 
 that, in point of fact, the rod is seldom so used as to 
 do any permanent good. Children are not whipped, 
 I presume, in one out of a hundred cases, calmly, 
 without anger, and with manifest grief. It is, there- 
 fore, a terrible hazard to allow yourself in the use of 
 the rod. 
 
 Then, again, the more the experiment is tried, in 
 families and in schools, of dispensing entirely with 
 corporal punishment, the greater is the success that
 
 CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. 97 
 
 attends it. Parents and teachers may find it difficult 
 to lay aside the rod, where children are accustomed 
 to it ; but let any one begin with relyang wholly on 
 moral influences, and he will seldom fail with any 
 child or in any school. It is hard to govern a boy 
 at twelve without the rod, if he has been governed 
 up to that period by it. But take the little child, 
 the infant, I would say, and require him from the 
 first to yield his will to yours, and I believe you 
 need never afterward resort to corporal punishment. 
 
 Is not the use of the rod a violation of the laws 
 of nature ? I know of no instance in which the 
 Creator punishes a merely moral offence by physical 
 retribution. If I eat to excess, my body is made 
 to suffer for the sin ; but if I utter a falsehood, an 
 offence which is only mental and moral, my mind, 
 and not my body, is punished for that offence. 
 Why, then, strike a child for a wrong done in his 
 mind or heart only ? If we follow the example of 
 the Supreme Parent, we shall punish such offences, 
 as He does, in that part of the child's nature where 
 the offence was committed. 
 
 I do not deny, that, through the errors of the past, 
 we may sometimes be compelled to practise this vio- 
 lation of the Divine laws. One wrong step, in the 
 beginning of a child's education, prepares the way 
 for many subsequent steps, that can be justified only 
 in consequence of that early error. In large schools 
 the rod may be sometimes necessary ; to avoid it, 
 7
 
 98 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 our schools must be made smaller. In the family, 
 the cases are very rare, I think, in which moral 
 means will not suffice to secure uniform obedience. 
 Where the number to be governed is few, there is 
 time for a steady personal influence over each child. 
 Great as the evils of insubordination are, they seem 
 to me less than the fearful consequences that flow 
 from the habitual use of the rod. Not a few chil- 
 dren have been maimed for life, an innumerable 
 company have been morally maimed, by corporal 
 punishment administered by the ignorant, the intem- 
 perate, the arbitrary, and the passionate. 
 
 It is admitted that the domestic animals can usual- 
 ly be better governed by kindness than by force. 
 In one community the ox is driven by the goad, in 
 another the whip is found to suffice. We often see 
 anecdotes of the horse resisting blows and violence, 
 and yet being easily subdued by a kind voice and the 
 stroke of a gentle hand. Let it not be contended 
 that human nature is less easily controlled than that 
 of the brutes. I have no fear that any parent will 
 fail of governing his child by gentle means from the 
 hour when he has a steady faith in the omnipotence 
 of love, and acts in obedience to that faith. 
 
 Many parents whip their children, to save them- 
 selves trouble. No doubt it is easier to do this than 
 to reason and expostulate with them. The rod is a 
 summary method of correction ; you have but to 
 strike a few blows, and that ends the whole matter.
 
 CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. 99 
 
 If done with excitement, it gratifies the feeling of the 
 moment, and hence passion is sometimes pleased 
 with the arguments for force. Time, also, is saved 
 by it, and " who would spend an hour in reasoning 
 with his child, when a few blows occupy but a min- 
 ute ? " This is sad philosophy, and worse religion. 
 All who punish with these views and feelings sin 
 against the nature of childhood. Instead of calling 
 forth its best propensities, they stimulate its very 
 worst ones. The anger of the parent begets anger 
 in his child. You cannot strike a blow in selfish- 
 ness without your child perceiving it. And the mo- 
 ment he sees your motive, his temper is roused, he 
 is filled with bitterness toward you, and the chance 
 is, you are making him revengeful for life. 
 
 As regards the time required for moral influence, 
 I would ask the parent for what time is given him, if 
 not to educate his children in the best possible man- 
 ner ? Better neglect your business than neglect 
 them ; better they should live on a crust, and wear 
 the meanest apparel, than, for the sake of furnishing 
 them dainty food and costly dresses, beat them with 
 a rod to save time for making money.- If indolence 
 be the motive, as I fear it often is, then is there still 
 less excuse for clinging to this relic of barbarism. 
 That parent is a monster, who, to spare himself a 
 little effort, takes a course which tends to brutalize 
 his children. Whatever may be said of the need of 
 the rod in some cases, it can never be justified as a 
 means of helping a sluggard father or mother.
 
 100 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 Corporal punishment might soon be suppressed, 
 did parents make it their constant care to render it 
 unnecessary. Begin with your child in the cradle, 
 and govern him by gentle methods. Do not accus- 
 tom him to being shaken or slapped every hour in 
 the day. You can so train him, that violence will 
 never be necessary. It is possible " to guide with 
 a look, to reward with a smile, and to punish with a 
 frown." You may thus keep the heart so susceptible, 
 that, in after years, words will govern more effectual- 
 ly than blows. And, before your children leave the 
 paternal threshold, you will find nothing is needed 
 with them beyond " reasonable expostulation, mild 
 rebuke, tender reproof, appeals, in one word, to 
 their understanding and feelings and conscience." 
 
 To hasten forward this desirable consummation, 
 we should forbear threatening. It is probably even 
 worse for a child's moral nature to be accustomed to 
 constant threats of the rod, than to be occasionally 
 punished with it. This course either hardens his 
 feelings or renders him peevish, passionate, and tim- 
 id. You are to excite a fear of doing wrong, not a 
 fear of punishment. The former motive strengthens 
 good principles ; the latter, in its excess, always de- 
 bilitates the character. Then, too, a child soon 
 loses all respect for the parent who threatens without 
 ever executing his threats. You may talk long and 
 frequently about what you shall " certainly " do if 
 an offence is repeated, but your child does not be-
 
 CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. 101 
 
 lieve you. He will laugh at your language, the mo- 
 ment his back is turned. In vain will you hang up 
 a rod in sight ; he soon learns that it is done with no 
 purpose whatever of using it upon him, and it awak- 
 ens ridicule instead of terror. 
 
 Great harm is often done by punishing a child in 
 presence of others. The gallows is now, in many 
 cases, concealed from the public ; so should the act 
 of whipping be concealed from a family of children. 
 If it must be done, let it take place with the utmost 
 privacy. This principle should be carried out, I 
 think, in all methods of correction. If you talk se- 
 verely to one child in presence of another, it always 
 does harm. Most children are fond of seeing the 
 faults of others exposed and corrected. But this is 
 an unchristian spirit ; it often fosters pride, retaliation, 
 unfriendly and selfish feelings, to witness the punish- 
 ment of another. It teaches children to find fault 
 with each other, and excites an arbitrary, domineer- 
 ing temper in the older ones. Let your discipline 
 of each child in your family be as little seen by the 
 rest as possible. Praise will frequently excite the 
 envy of the others, and censure will be eagerly re- 
 sponded to and confirmed by them. It arouses, too, 
 a spirit of self-justification, to be blamed before oth- 
 ers, and thus the subject of the correction is made 
 worse by it, no less than the spectators. 
 
 Obedience must be secured, but let us see that it 
 is done in the right method. Be sure a child under-
 
 102 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 stands your command before you rebuke him for dis- 
 obedience. Small children sometimes fail to get the 
 meaning of our language, and so appear to resist our 
 authority when they really do not. A child is en- 
 grossed in his play ; he does not hear your com- 
 mand, or he is not sure you are in earnest ; he there- 
 fore waits a moment, and looks in your face. Do 
 not punish him until you are certain he means to dis- 
 obey you. And when a little girl is angry, let not 
 her mother take that moment to require some task 
 that is likely to cause resistance. Let her wait, if 
 possible, until the child is calm. All censures and 
 chastisements should be imposed at a favorable mo- 
 ment. We should do nothing unnecessarily to 
 thwart, and irritate, and awaken opposition to our 
 authority. 
 
 The efficacy of parental discipline depends very 
 much on the time when it is administered. The 
 hour before sleep will be found favorable, in most 
 cases, to admonition and reproof. Then the pas- 
 sions are hushed, ho temptations are nigh, the ear 
 is open, and the feelings are usually tender. At the 
 breakfast-table, also, the mind is calm and the heart 
 impressible. This period has been recommended 
 as friendly to the restoration of the erring. " If," 
 says another, " one has any soft and silken ties, 
 which mothers weave and sisters strengthen, and all 
 the chaste associations of a parent's roof yet further 
 wind around the heart, linking the cradle with the
 
 CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. 103 
 
 grave, the morning is the season in which they put 
 forth all their strength ; the excitement of the noon- 
 day, and the riot of the night, may try them hard, 
 and seem to part them ; s,till on the daily drama of 
 life sleep timely lets fall the curtain, and all the vir- 
 tues the profligate would have murdered, reviving 
 with the morning sun, send a thrill through the 
 breast, and instinctively whisper, 'It is not too 
 late to be wise." Let not this hint be lost upon us, 
 especially in our management of children, who, either 
 from the excitableness of their temperament, or their 
 natural stubbornness, are difficult to be governed. 
 
 The control of the temper is an invaluable quality. 
 But it requires great wisdom to promote it in a child. 
 He should not be punished for every fretful expres- 
 sion. " Soothing words, an embrace, a new and 
 pleasant object of attention, will often suppress ris- 
 ing irritability." Watch your child, and keep out 
 of his way, as far as you can, temptations to anger. 
 It is wrong to inflict a blow on the first impulse you 
 feel to do it. Better spare the blow, and resort to a 
 gentler discipline. You can take away a plaything, 
 confine your child to a room by himself, or to the 
 house in pleasant weather, or keep him from the ta- 
 ble, or from the society of his companions. Do 
 not, however, under any> circumstances, confine him 
 in a dark or lonely place, where superstitious fears 
 will be awakened. Let his punishment be moderate, 
 just, and salutary.
 
 104 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 In all cases we should strive to look with lenity at 
 the misdemeanours of our children. Let us consider 
 that they are children, and not men and women. 
 This will lead us to excuse many things we should 
 otherwise punish. They cannot see and feel, as we 
 do, the importance of perfect conduct. Their youth 
 renders them restless and fickle ; let us not exact 
 from them the sobriety and stability of their elders. 
 They do not, perhaps, comprehend the rules of pro- 
 priety as we do ; why, then, punish them for every 
 slight violation of those rules ? Their feelings are 
 ardent and quick, and this leads them to say and 
 do many things which, in our sedateness, we may 
 think inexcusable. But is not this light-heartedness, 
 with all the errors it occasions, preferable to pre- 
 cocity ? Childhood is the work of God, and let us 
 give it free scope ; let us not make it stiff, formal, 
 and dull to stupidity. 
 
 We are apt to think children have no desire, of 
 themselves, for improvement. This, I am persuad- 
 ed, is unjust judgment. Most of them wish to do 
 well ; they have an habitual desire to cultivate their 
 minds, enlarge their affections, and obey their con- 
 science. But they are easily excited by temptation, 
 and therefore, in their haste, sometimes commit 
 faults. Let not all these faults be set down as de- 
 liberate offences. We live in an age of excitement, 
 and there is much around us to aggravate the suscep- 
 tibilities of childhood. Many of the present faults
 
 COKPORAL PUNISHMENT. 105 
 
 of children spring from this tendency. There is less 
 deceit among the young than in periods when the 
 rod kept down their spirits, and tempted them to 
 hypocrisy. They practise less self-restraint than they 
 did under the old reign of fear. But I would not 
 return to that reign ; better have their faults on the 
 outside of their character, as now, than disguised and 
 concealed, as in past ages. We can spare the old 
 Puritanic discipline of outward subordination, if we 
 only secure in its stead an inward self-discipline. 
 To promote that vital quality, we need, first, midst, 
 and last, a steady obedience. Let us be' gentle and 
 calm, as well as considerate, determined, and uniform 
 in exacting that obedience, and all shall issue well. 
 
 It is said, and the testimony comes from many 
 quarters, that obedience to parents is less enforced 
 in this than in any other Christian country. Our 
 children are allowed to use language to their natural 
 guardians which would have shocked the ears of our 
 fathers. In many instances the son does not obey 
 the father, but so complete is the degeneracy, that 
 the father actually obeys the son. And the daugh- 
 ter, instead of asking her mother to do this or that, 
 tells, that is, commands, her to do as she wishes. Is 
 this to be the prevalent practice ? Then may we 
 well tremble for the consequences. For. then rev- 
 erence, that prime virtue, that corner-stone of piety, 
 must soon, also, be rejected and disappear. Then 
 the law cannot be respected ; and religion herself wilt
 
 106 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 be disallowed and set aside when the authority of the 
 parent shall cease to be recognized and obeyed. 
 Alas for us, if, as some contend, such are the inev- 
 itable fruits of our republican institutions ! Take 
 away the sentiment of reverence, let the words of fa- 
 ther and mother be unheeded, and their presence 
 command no respect, then is the gold of patriarchal 
 ages, and of prophets, and of the very Son of God, 
 become dim, and the most fine gold is changed ! 
 When the sanctuary of home is thus violated, the 
 pillars of the state also totter to their fall. 
 
 Earnestly, then, let us labor and pray that the par- 
 ent may be reinstated in his rightful position. When 
 the child enters our dwelling a new-born babe, he is 
 not too young to be controlled ; nor, till he leaves 
 our roof, and weaves the web of his own untried for- 
 tunes, is he too old to reverence and obey his par- 
 ents. Let us not yield to the contagion of example 
 in this respect. It is not enough to plead, " My 
 child minds as well as other people's children." 
 Nay, that is not the true standard, but this rather, 
 " What doth the law of God require of me as a par- 
 ent ? What does my office demand ? How shall 
 I best do my duty to these earth-destined, heaven- 
 destined, immortal beings, placed in my care ? Shall 
 I take the course easiest for myself ? " " Nay," 
 conscience must reply, " I dare not do that ; the 
 consequences of this indolent, self-indulgent course 
 will be fatal, I can now see it, fatal both to my 
 children and myself ! ' r
 
 CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. 107 
 
 The law that requires obedience to parents is uni- 
 versal, irrepealable, eternal. If we desire peace our- 
 selves, if we have any true love of our offspring, let 
 us listen to those many voices which have come from 
 homes of want and woe, and from the walls of the 
 prison : "O, my cruelly fond parents, had you ex- 
 ercised that authority which God gave you over your 
 children, and had you checked my childish wayward- 
 ness, and corrected in love my boyish disobedience, 
 had you subjected me to the salutary restraint of 
 domestic law, I had not thus brought you to sor- 
 row and shame, nor brought myself, with a ruined 
 character, to my present degraded condition ! "
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 SELF-G VERNMENT. 
 
 THE history of the prophet Samuel, especially 
 that of his childhood, is replete with instruction on 
 the great topic of self-government. He was received 
 by his mother as a special blessing, and in that light, 
 to use the strong language of Scripture, from his 
 very cradle she " lent him to the Lord." She ear- 
 ly, in her own heart, consecrated him, although not 
 in the line of Levi, as a prophet. And, through 
 the prayers she offered for him, the lessons she gave 
 him, and her own beautiful example, it came to pass, 
 that, while yet a child, he " ministered before the 
 Lord, girded with a linen ephod." 
 
 The case of Samuel was not a peculiar one. It 
 was not by a miracle, nor yet by any natural endow- 
 ments setting him apart from and above all other 
 children, that he was led at this tender age to dedi- 
 cate himself to God. It was done mainly by the in- 
 fluence of his mother, a mother taken from the or- 
 dinary walks of life, and not favored above multitudes 
 who have since sustained, and who do now sustain,
 
 SELF-GOVERNMENT. 109 
 
 this sacred relation. It needs only her spirit, her 
 deep piety, and her resolute purpose, to train up the 
 children now on the stage to gird themselves each 
 with the linen ephod. Let there be the same pa- 
 rental wisdom, prayerfulness, and fidelity, and we 
 should see many sons beginning, even in childhood, 
 by the purity and devotedness of their lives, to min- 
 ister before the Lord. 
 
 Samuel was marked by one trait to which I would 
 now direct special attention. We are told that he 
 grew on and continued in his high work, and that, 
 while so doing, he was waked in the night-season 
 by a voice. It was the voice, as it proved, of the 
 Lord. Samuel did not close his ear, but listened 
 reverently to it. It told him of the fate of Eli, the 
 rejection of his house from the sacred office, and 
 that he himself should be clothed with that office. 
 He went forth in obedience to God, and led a life 
 pervaded, elevated, and sanctified by the spirit of 
 self-consecration; 
 
 The government of his mother had been of that 
 wise and gentle, yet firm character, which, while it 
 secured respect for her commands, conducted him 
 up to the high plane of a steady ^//-government. 
 This is the result of all judicious education. It 
 does not leave a child weakly dependent on others, 
 on companions, or society, or to be upheld even by 
 his parents alone ; but it inspires such sentiments, 
 affections, and principles, as awaken and sustain self-
 
 110 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 reliance and self-government. Without these, we 
 can never trust a child in the world ; but with them, 
 filled with a personal piety, a deep-rooted benevo- 
 lence, and a calm moral independence, he is armed 
 at all points. He will then overcome temptation, 
 and rise higher and higher, to the very pinnacle of 
 moral excellence. 
 
 We must begin the work of education by consid- 
 ering that " each man is a drama in himself ; has to 
 play all the parts in it ; is to be king and rebel, suc- 
 cessful and vanquished, free and slave ; and needs a 
 bringing up fit for the universal creature that he is." 
 His intellect should be trained, from the first, to ex- 
 ercise dominion, over all it can understand, and his 
 moral nature to act in conjunction with it. The 
 mind must govern the body, and the soul, that is, 
 the religious nature, reign over both. A child can- 
 not be too soon taught that his spirit must control his 
 senses. Were man like the lower animals in his des- 
 tiny, he would not have been placed on a planet like 
 ours, " where self-indulgence starves, but compe- 
 tence, independence, and a consciousness of powers 
 superior to mere natural forces, are the exceeding 
 great reward of exertion. " Man was made for moral 
 and spiritual progress. At no period of life, there- 
 fore, can we dispense with a vigorous self-control ; 
 let this truth be ingrained in the little child. 
 
 The foundation of the virtue required is laid by 
 the Creator in the intense love of action and of con-
 
 SELF-GOVERNMENT. Ill 
 
 struction which characterizes childhood. Every boy 
 is an architect ; he must have something to design 
 and to draw ; he wants constantly to build. He will 
 fashion a thousand things if you only give him mate- 
 rials. He is intent upon imitating everything he sees 
 made or done by others. So with the little girl ; 
 her doll, and baby-house, and " playing have com- 
 pany," show the incessant activity of her mind, and 
 her variety of talents. But all this energy of child- 
 hood is apt to be expended upon outward things. 
 It is devoted to changing the forms and uses of ma- 
 terial objects. And this exercise is well ; a child 
 should be encouraged to plan and to execute as many 
 things as possible ; let his invention be cultivated, and 
 let us teach his hands to labor with diligence. 
 
 But I would encourage not only an " objective," 
 but a " subjective," industry. Let the genius of 
 childhood be directed to the world within. Present 
 that to your son as the noblest field on which he can 
 labor ; induce him early to dedicate his heart to in- 
 ward toil. Would mothers set before their daugh- 
 ters this glorious work, we should not see multi- 
 tudes, as we now do, become either the heartless 
 devotees of fashion, or a prey to ennui from their 
 neglect of self-discipline, and of a just appreciation 
 of the high satisfactions of an independent, self-sus- 
 tained character. 
 
 As conducive to this elevation of purpose and life, 
 the aim of all education should be to strengthen and
 
 112 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 to purify the will. A child is at first to do many 
 things because we desire and command it. But this 
 is only his pupilage ; it is a preparatory process, the 
 end of which must be that he will do what we now 
 require of him from choice. We wish him to be 
 virtuous ; but virtue is a voluntary thing. When we 
 compel a child to do any particular act, we rob that 
 act of its moral quality. Obedience to us may be a 
 virtue, but the act itself is not one. Novalis said 
 truly, that " character is a perfectly educated will." 
 Where the will has not been exercised, and made 
 pure as well as strong, the child has received no true 
 moral culture ; his spirit is yet feeble, his character 
 undeveloped. 
 
 The Psalmist, in describing the greatness of God, 
 says of him, " Thy people shall be willing in the 
 day of thy power." What power so noble as this, 
 power to mould the human will, to touch those 
 secret springs that move to voluntary goodness ? 
 Blessed is the parent who can wield this truly di- 
 vine power. Could we but do this, our children 
 would grow up in the energy and " the beauty of 
 holiness." Had we the godlike power to lead them 
 to choose good rather than evil, truth before false- 
 hood, forgiveness rather than retaliation, and to 
 make them prefer kind, disinterested acts before 
 selfish ones, then, indeed, to us would be fulfilled the 
 Divine promise, " Thy youth shall come forward 
 like dew from the womb of the morning." God 
 and goodness would then grace their whole lives.
 
 SELF-GOVERNMENT. 1 13 
 
 A prime point in all voluntary acts is self-restraint. 
 It is easy to restrain a! child, so long as your eye and 
 your command are upon him. It is not easy to in- 
 fuse into him a principle that will keep him in the 
 right path when your eye and your command are 
 taken off. And yet, until you have done that, you 
 have not educated the child. To educate let us 
 never forget this is to call forth the powers and 
 faculties, and that is never done fully by a merely 
 passive obedience. He is a good teacher who 
 maintains order while he is in the school-room ; yet 
 a far better teacher is he who so trains his pupils, 
 that, if he leave the room for an hour, the same or- 
 der and quiet continue. Parents must leave the 
 great room of moral culture often, at last for ever, 
 and blessed will be their work if their children shall 
 continue, as in their presence, so in their absence, 
 energetic and pure, self-governed, self-restrained, 
 both lovers and doers of the right. 
 
 To accomplish this great end, we must teach these 
 little ones, not merely to regulate their words and 
 their overt actions, but to control their inmost de- 
 sires. Let them feel that here is the fountain of 
 all good and all evil in life. Not what for this or 
 that reason they actually do, but what they wish to 
 do, should be their daily criterion. Every one has 
 impulses, more or less numerous, and more or less 
 pure, toward acts of goodness, and these are to be 
 cherished. But they do not constitute the main el- 
 8
 
 114 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 ement of character. Character consists in princi- 
 ple^ in what is, not like impulse, evanescent and 
 uncertain, but fixed, determined, abiding. We need 
 the clear head as well as the warm heart. In 
 the words of Dr. Bushnell, " The head and the 
 heart should be regarded as the two branches of a 
 legislative assembly, and nothing should be enacted 
 as a law which has not the sanction of both houses." 
 But how can the desires of the heart be conformed 
 to the dictates of the head ? Only by keeping them 
 under our control. Let them be lawless, unre- 
 strained, fitful, and they soon trample on the under- 
 standing, set at naught the counsels of good judg- 
 ment, take the wings of imagination, and corrupt the 
 affections. 
 
 There is no basis of happiness, but in the control 
 of our desires. If we allow ourselves to look with 
 an envious or a longing eye on wealth, honors, fame, 
 power, pleasure, or whatever else the senses may 
 present or the fancy sketch, it is' idle to expect 
 peace o mind. Where the parent stimulates such 
 desires in his child, he is his worst enemy. The 
 boy cannot be a Croesus, nor a king, he cannot 
 live for luxury or self-indulgence ; why, then, 
 madden his spirit by leading him to sigh for these 
 things ? Better far teach him to subdue every de- 
 sire of this kind. That he can do, but gratify them 
 he cannot. Why cherish in this daughter a passion 
 for dress, fashion, and display ? She may never
 
 SELF-GOVERNMENT. 115 
 
 have the means to indulge this spirit. And if she 
 has, what a miserable ambition it were to pant for 
 praise, to live on the eyes and the lips of observers, 
 and to sacrifice all inward quiet, if not all single- 
 hearted purity, for a bubble that will burst at the 
 touch ! 
 
 Teach your child to control his desires, for so 
 only can he preserve that perfect balance of charac- 
 ter in which virtue consists. " The poise of the 
 mind, like that of the body," as one well observes, 
 " is safest when it stands upright." That posture 
 requires a perfect self-control. Give way to every 
 desire, and you become heated, feverish, and desul- 
 tory in your whole walk. We never advance in 
 anything, whether secular or sacred, except we 
 steadily desire it. The painter desires to make a 
 perfect picture ; it is only so long as he keeps alive 
 the first radiant ideal, and the first burning impulse, 
 that he can realize it on the canvas, or make prog- 
 ress toward it. And what will your child do with- 
 out this same ever-burning desire for moral excel- 
 lence ? Let him never feel it, and he will never 
 commence the grand life-drawn portrait ; let him lose 
 that desire, and allow ease, pleasure, earth, to rob 
 him of self-subjection, and he will sink into you can- 
 not tell what depths of irresoluteness, impurity, and 
 secret, if not indeed open, guilt. 
 
 What I say of the desires is true of the appetites, 
 of temper, and the grosser occasions of temptation
 
 116 THE CHBISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 and evil. We commence our being under the close 
 inspection, in all these matters, of the parental eye. 
 We do not select our own diet ; we do not control 
 our own appetites ; another selects and controls for 
 us. An anxious mother metes out to each day its 
 food and drink. But the wise mother so performs 
 this office that she forms the tastes of her child, and 
 soon leads him to self-regulation. That accom- 
 plished, you will see him put aside, on occasions, 
 the cake, and choose the plain bread. We need this 
 same principle to control the passions. A child 
 shows temper ; what will you do with him ? You 
 can so rule and so terrify him as to destroy his tem- 
 per, or, as it is termed, " break his will." But is 
 that desirable ? Nay, in so doing, you pronounce 
 that God implanted in this child a tendency which 
 you must utterly root up. This cannot be true ; our 
 Creator must have made us aright, capable of pas- 
 sion, yet able to subdue it. Washington had nat- 
 urally a violent temper, and it was never eradicated ; 
 without it he might have been a man of but ordinary 
 force. The control of his passions fitted him to 
 lead armies and councils ; ruling himself well, he 
 could rule other men and the nation. Point your boy 
 to him, and he will learn to curb the fire of his spirit. 
 By long discipline he will come to shut his lips in 
 the midst of provocation, and so to conquer the hot- 
 blooded, the testy, and the vindictive, and thus final- 
 ly to bring the whole world to his feet, by first con- 
 quering himself.
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 MORAL COURAGE. SELF-SACRIFICE. 
 
 No quality is more needed in this age and this land 
 than moral courage, courage to do right where it 
 is the custom to do wrong. The greatest of mod- 
 ern tyrants is public opinion. Its power is seen in 
 the tendency of domestic conversation. " What 
 will people say ? Will they not look at me ? 
 What will they think, if I do thus or thus ? " 
 This and similar language is the staple of conversa- 
 tion in very many families. And it tends to destroy 
 all purity of motive, and to generate a moral coward- 
 ice. We owe a certain deference, it is true, to the 
 opinion of others ; it is often a safeguard to virtue, 
 where higher motives would prove ineffectual. Yet 
 it is a fatal error to allow it supremacy in our con- 
 duct. And the dangers lie chiefly in that direction. 
 We are not sensible how constantly we appeal, in 
 presence of our children, if not directly for them, to 
 this dread tribunal, the opinion of others. But 
 where respectability ranks higher than principle, we 
 shall look in vain for elevated virtue. It is mournful
 
 118 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 to see so many of our children trained up in subjec- 
 tion to this power. What can we hope of a race 
 who fear the speech of others, the ridicule even of 
 the most worthless character, more than they fear 
 sin ? Let us remember that without moral inde- 
 pendence the character is always in peril. " Do 
 right," I would say to a child, " because it is right. 
 Dravv your rules of conduct from conscience, and 
 not from those you meet at school or elsewhere. 
 Never do a thing, where right and wrong are con- 
 cerned, merely because others are doing it, not, 
 though you are left alone in the course you take." 
 This should be enjoined until it becomes a habit 
 with the child so to conduct himself ; yes, to con- 
 duct himself, not to be conducted, borne about, and 
 mastered, by others. 
 
 I have known parents who expressly taught their 
 children to return evil for evil. " If you are struck, 
 strike back again," says the mother, as she sends 
 her child out in the morning. " Never bear an in- 
 sult, but give back words, if you cannot blows," 
 is the creed of the father. But who are these 
 parents ? " Christians," they undoubtedly reply. 
 Did Christ, then, do thus ? Was this the rule of 
 his life, and this his language on the cross ? O 
 parent, think, I pray you, of the end of tuition like 
 this ! Look unto Jesus, inhale his spirit, and you 
 will rise to a nobler ambition. " Always do what 
 you are afraid to do," I have somewhere read.
 
 MORAL COURAGE. 119 
 
 This I would say to my child, " Let others re- 
 turn anger for anger, but be you mild and gentle ; 
 always dare to do right." When Franklin was a 
 boy, he walked the streets of Philadelphia eating a 
 roll ; he had the look, perhaps the laugh, of many 
 upon him. But he cared for none of these things. 
 That man was, through life, a moral hero, mod- 
 est, yet of a lion heart, brave, yet a man of imper- 
 turbable peace. We want Franklins now ; who of 
 our youth will put on the armour of righteousness 
 and go forth to the battle ? 
 
 In a world like this, we need to cultivate self-pos- 
 session. A child should be taught courage amid 
 danger. Does he fear the dark ? Teach him that 
 God is with him, as in the light, so in the darkness ; 
 and that, if he does good, he is clad in a coat of 
 mail. " Did a sudden noise affright him ? lo, this 
 or that hath caused it." Take heed " that ghostly 
 fears be not the night companions of thy child." 
 Misery, and even madness, in subsequent years, 
 " have been sowed in the nights of infancy." Chil- 
 dren should be accustomed to see sickness and suf- 
 fering, to qualify them for future duty. The judi- 
 cious mother of Lamartine, among other aids which 
 went to form that noble spirit, used this. She early 
 took her children to see the sick and the dying, and 
 to wait round their beds. " We saw," says he, 
 " frightful scenes of poverty, suffering, and even ag- 
 ony. We thus learned to feel none of that rerpug-
 
 120 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 nance which renders men in after life weak and 
 helpless in cases of illness, useless to the sufferer, 
 and timid at the aspect of death." What discipline 
 more effective than this ? Exposed as we are to 
 unimagined calamities, to bear and to witness such 
 manifold sufferings, hoth of body and mind, duty, 
 selfishness even, calls us to train our children to 
 meet these events. We cannot begin too early to 
 inculcate the necessity of fortitude. It is said the 
 first lesson the ancient Mexicans taught their chil- 
 dren was on this subject. No sooner was a child 
 born, than they addressed him in these words : 
 " Child, thou art come into the world to endure ; 
 suffer, and say nothing." 
 
 The corner-stone of character we can come to 
 no other conclusion should be inscribed with this 
 single word, "self-help." Whatever we do for the 
 young, it should all lead them to do for themselves. 
 It is sweet to lean on a mother's breast ; yet there is 
 a work to be done in this life, and to accomplish it 
 we must part even from that dear breast. I saw, 
 not long since, a sailor-boy depicted as mounting the 
 ropes of a ship. The love of home, sportiveness, 
 all gentle qualities, were written on the face, and yet 
 underneath them lay a resolute spirit, that foretoken- 
 ed no ordinary character. Every boy must mount 
 the shrouds, and sail the great ocean, and battle for 
 himself the fitful elements of life. Let him begin 
 early to do it. Encourage in him, not a noisy man-
 
 MORAL COURAGE. 121 
 
 ner and a fear-nothing spirit, but a deep, quiet moral 
 energy. He cannot begin too soon to form his own 
 opinions of right and wrong, and establish good prin- 
 ciples for himself. Do not keep him always in 
 leading-strings, but induce him early to walk alone. 
 The sons of very rich men too often depend on 
 those riches, and their life is to spend, not earn. 
 The great do not transmit their greatness ; the son 
 leans on the name of the father, and so becomes a 
 dwarf. Our children should be taught, early and 
 late, that they are to work their own passage across 
 the sea of life. They should feel that, for whatever 
 they hope, whether to gain or to be, they must rely 
 on their own right arm. Be tender to your son, but, 
 line upon line, inspire him with self-trust. "High be 
 his heart, faithful his will, clear his sight, until a 
 simple purpose shall be to him as strong as iron ne- 
 cessity is to others." 
 
 The education of some children proceeds, one 
 must suppose, on the principle that we need do noth- 
 ing in this world which we find is disagreeable, or 
 which we even fear will be so. "I do not want to 
 do it," from the lips of their children, is a sufficient 
 excuse with many parents for their not doing what is 
 requested of them. But think of the result of this 
 training ! How often is every one obliged to per- 
 form disagreeable duties ! We perform them, 
 notwithstanding their unpleasantness, because they 
 are duties. If you allow your child to omit
 
 122 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 everything of this kind, you strike the very word 
 duty from his moral catalogue, and put pleasures in 
 its place. 
 
 And let us not do this to save ourselves trouble. 
 It is hard to require of a child what he much dis- 
 likes. Many parents tell us they had rather do a 
 thing themselves than attempt to persuade their chil- 
 dren to do it. The young in these days raise, it is 
 said, so many objections, and exhibit such a reluc- 
 tance to obey, that it is easier to leave them to their 
 indolence, and perform what must be done ourselves, 
 than to enforce obedience. Alas for us, and for 
 them also, if we yield to this fatal doctrine ! Better 
 task our own patience to the utmost, than, to spare 
 ourselves unpleasant words or feelings, permit our 
 children in this self-seeking, enervating habit. The 
 question should never be, Which is the easier 
 course ? but, What does parental duty require 
 of me ? 
 
 The essence of the virtue I inculcate lies in self- 
 sacrifice. There is a great truth in the Catholic 
 doctrine, set forth so beautifully by Fenelon, of self- 
 renunciation. First of all, the little child should 
 give himself up to God. Few, except those who 
 begin young, come ever to say with Herbert, 
 
 " Lord, take thy way ; for sure thy way is best. 
 
 Stretch or contract me, thy poor debtor ; 
 This is but tuning of my breast, 
 To make the music better."
 
 MORAL COURAGE. 123 
 
 This devout lesson, sooner or later, all must learn. 
 When we look most earnestly to God for help, then 
 we best help ourselves. Open your bosom and let 
 in the divine beams, and you rise and go forth full of 
 vigor, and triumphant over evil. 
 
 Infuse even now into your child the spirit of self- 
 sacrifice. The mother of Samuel made him a little 
 coat, and brought it to him from year to year, as 
 they came to sacrifice at the temple. Mothers, imi- 
 tate this holy example. Clothe your children in robes 
 consecrated to God and duty. Array these daughters 
 in the divine garments of meekness, self-surrender, 
 and a disinterested care and toil. A little girl, and 
 the case stands not alone, amid burning fever, was 
 patient and quiet ; it was a blessed sight, for Heaven 
 shone round that pillow. But in brighter rays still 
 shone the Father in the face of another, who waited 
 gently by the bed of a sick mother. She gave 
 up school, amusements, almost her very food and 
 sleep, and ministered the little angel to those 
 parched lips and that wasting frame. And when at 
 length the Father took that dear friend from her, 
 I did not fear for her, alone though she was in this 
 bleak world, for I remembered the message to each 
 soul : 
 
 " Wert thou never taught to feel and know 
 That the truest love has its roots in woe, 
 Thou wouldst not e'er attain the tranquil height, 
 Where wisdom purifies the sight,
 
 124 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 And God unfolds to th' humble gaze 
 The light and beauty of his ways." 
 
 Shrink not, then, from training your children* to 
 know and to try the stern tasks of self-reliance and 
 self-sacrifice. 
 
 Two courses lie before the parent. To begin 
 early the work with his children, and prepare them 
 at every stage for all that will follow, to fill them 
 with dependence upon God, and independence, wher- 
 ever principle and duty are concerned, of man. To 
 do this, he must deny himself and deny them. The 
 other course is, to leave them entirely unrestrained, 
 their moral character unformed, their temper un- 
 disciplined, their principles unestablished. Which 
 will you choose ? No one, with the consequences 
 before him, can hesitate. 
 
 Who would leave a dear child to make up in after 
 years for the errors of parental neglect ? Who, 
 instead of training him with a firm and gentle 
 hand now, would send him forth where " the severe 
 lash of disappointment and suffering must, during 
 his subsequent career, supply the omissions of his 
 youth, and where he must be trained at last, through 
 much enduring, to that point from which a good ed- 
 ucation would have started him " ? Let us not 
 leave these tender beings to so cruel a destiny ; let 
 them not be compelled, after many wanderings, and 
 all their mortifications and failures, to learn late what 
 we should have taught them early. Do we our du-
 
 MORAL COURAGE. 125 
 
 ty, and there is hope that they will, by their hearts 
 and their lives, minister before the Lord ; there is 
 hope, if we be but faithful, that the linen ephod will 
 be put on even to-day.
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 
 
 THE influences which make or mar the character 
 of man are, for the most part, of a subtile, unobtru- 
 sive nature. All action originates, of course, in mo- 
 tives, that is, in a moving power. We accom- 
 plish much or little, and what we accomplish is 
 either good or evil, according to the force and the 
 quality of the motives under which we act. This is 
 true of the man, and it is equally true of " the 
 child," who "is father of the man." He will be 
 pure or impure, virtuous or vicious, according to the 
 motives habitually influential in his conduct. He is 
 born with certain capacities, faculties, and propensi- 
 ties ; and the direction these will take, the predom- 
 inance of one class or another among them, and the 
 result upon his life, depend on the exercise of his 
 free-will. Develop his will aright, and you give 
 him the best possible education. And this is only 
 saying, Present the right motives before him, and 
 lead him to see and feel them, and you do all you 
 can do to make him pure in heart, pious toward 
 God, and true toward man.
 
 MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 127 
 
 No vineyard is so sacred as the mind of a child. 
 The vines are now just germinating, and now they 
 bear tender grapes. But secret and stealthy mis- 
 chief-mongers are already there. Take these away, 
 " take away the foxes, the little foxes that spoil 
 these vines," in their early days ; prune them with 
 care ; train them to the heaven-reaching trellis ; sub- 
 ject them to all generous influences, and they shall at 
 last bring forth good grapes, noble clusters, fair to 
 the eye, sweet to the taste, and giving life to the 
 soul. 
 
 The scale of human motives is long ; and by few 
 of our parents is it carefully noted ; yet, to effect the 
 great end of education, we must understand it thor- 
 oughly, and we must address always the highest and 
 best motives a child will regard. 
 
 The lowest motives are those connected with ap- 
 petite and sense. It has been said that " all chil- 
 dren are by nature gluttons." It is quite certain that 
 food and drink occupy a large part of their thoughts 
 and desires. A child needs a liberal sustenance ; but 
 he can be very early taught the momentous lesson, that 
 he should " eat to live, and not live to eat." Many 
 parents never seem aware of this truth. They teach 
 their children, and unhappily too often confirm the 
 doctrine by their own example, that it is what goeth 
 into the mouth, not what cometh out of it, and com- 
 eth from the heart, that constitutes the object and 
 essence of life. The mother promises her boy a
 
 128 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 cake for his good behaviour ; and the daughter shall 
 have candy if she do well. What is this but mak- 
 ing the gratifications of appetite the highest motive 
 with the child ? It is making that first which should 
 be last in his mind. It is saying to him that plain 
 food and a wholesome diet are an evil. Who can 
 doubt that the foundation is often thus laid for the fu- 
 ture inebriate, sensualist, epicure, and debauchee ? 
 A habit of pampering the palate, and sacrificing the 
 higher to the lower nature, may sometimes be traced 
 back to this fatal parental error, commenced, per- 
 haps, in the very nursery. 
 
 Kindred to that of appetite is the development of 
 hope. This leads the child to anticipate savory 
 food with his utmost delight. But let not the noble 
 sentiment of hope be confined to this low object. 
 It should be our earliest care to raise it to things of 
 a mental and spiritual character. Incite the little girl 
 to hope for beautiful objects, to take pleasure in rich 
 colors, to enjoy sweet sounds, to anticipate with a 
 keen sense the odors of flower and field and forest. 
 Take off your boy's attention from what he is to eat 
 and drink, by talking with him about his lessons, his 
 work, or his moral deportment. When he comes 
 home from school, let not his first question be, 
 " What shall we have for dinner ? " I have known 
 young persons, who, instead of saying which I think 
 is the most we should ever say about food and 
 drink that they liked this or that, would exclaim,
 
 MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 129 
 
 " I love such or such an article dearly." The whole 
 strength of heart and soul was expended upon some 
 dish for the table ; they showed an enthusiasm in re- 
 gard to it which I never saw in them where love to 
 a friend, or moral excellence alone, was concerned. 
 Let us guard our children against this melancholy 
 condition. 
 
 It is no romance to believe that a child can be so 
 trained as to find his highest delight in things of an 
 intellectual and moral nature. There is pleasure in 
 the mere exercise of our inward faculties, and never 
 is it more intense than in childhood. The simple 
 act of thinking, feeling, willing, is then a luxury. 
 Why should we not take advantage of this fact in ad- 
 dressing the motives of our children ? Why have 
 so much faith in appeals to what is low and gross in 
 them, and so little in their purer nature ? 
 
 I would first of all encourage hopefulness in my 
 child. I would lead him to lay little plans for him- 
 self, and anticipate success in their execution. In a 
 world full of difficulties and dangers, like ours, noth- 
 ing is more essential than a disposition to look on 
 the bright side of life. There is wisdom in hope ; 
 for it bears us up amid obstacles, and thus insures 
 temporal prosperity. It is friendly, also, to moral 
 improvement. Without hope, we never attempt a 
 high character. It is a shield against temptation, 
 and an anchor in trouble. Fill the soul, therefore, 
 in childhood, with a hope, that the changes, crosses, 
 9
 
 130 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 and disappointments of subsequent years shall not 
 exhaust. 
 
 And now see that this hope is bestowed on ele- 
 vated objects. Let the good to which it aspires be, 
 as far as possible, of an inward nature ; teach the 
 child to expect much of others, and of himself. 
 And though they should fail to meet his expecta- 
 tions once and again, let him cherish the hope that 
 they will yet do better. But though all around him 
 disappoint his expectations, never suffer him to give 
 up to discouragement, and to come short of his part, 
 because they do of theirs. Lead him to bind to his 
 heart, and carry out in his life, the noble motto, 
 " Hope on, hope ever." 
 
 Another motive much appealed to is fear. This 
 sentiment is natural, and has its place, therefore, in 
 all moral education. But surely not the first place. 
 The child who is governed supremely by the rod, or 
 by constant threats, will be depressed, timid, and 
 feeble in character. Or, if his spirit be not broken, 
 it is kept only at bay, covering up a latent resistance, 
 cherishing an insidious deceit, if not hypocrisy. 
 And, in coming years, that imprisoned spirit may 
 break forth in reckless courses. In this manner was 
 Lord Byron educated. His mother would at one 
 time load him with passionate caresses, but the next 
 treat him with the harshness of a tyrant. And be- 
 hold in his subsequent character of passion and peev- 
 ishness, malice, bitterness, fitfulness, and caprice,
 
 MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 131 
 
 the inevitable results of early mismanagement and 
 unprincipled severity. 
 
 A strong motive with children is shame, a sensi- 
 tiveness to reputation, and an apprehension of pain 
 at its loss. The boy cannot wear this cap, nor the 
 girl that bonnet, because some one in the school will 
 point at them. This feeling in its excess is perni- 
 cious ; it makes us the slaves of fashion and opinion, 
 and is a root of unhappiness. Beyond question, it 
 is a source of much of the " splendid misery " of 
 this world. We look on ( the magnificence of wealth 
 in our cities, and ask, perhaps, if its votaries must 
 not be perfectly happy. Refinement, luxury, ease, 
 a palace to reside in, and a carriage at command, 
 are here ; and " can these splendid creatures," es- 
 pecially these ladies, " enthroned in silk, know 
 trouble or sorrow ? And are not their homes the 
 abodes of peace and love and every joy ? We can- 
 not penetrate the sacred mysteries of the fireside ; 
 but could we read the secret history of fashionable 
 life and fashionable folly, we should encounter such 
 a record of broken faith, broken vows, and broken 
 hearts, as would make the soul recoil in horror and 
 amazement to find that all this brilliant and dazzling 
 display of wealth and beauty and taste and refine- 
 ment was but the fantastic and mocking mask of a 
 wide-yawning domestic hell." What tortures do 
 these voluntary slaves daily undergo, lest some neigh- 
 bour should outshine them in the circles of fashion !
 
 132 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 That child who is educated to live only for the eye 
 and the speech of the gazing multitude, and to blush 
 when eclipsed in her dress, deserves commisera- 
 tion. 
 
 But this sensitiveness to opinion, when affected 
 with moderation, exerts a salutary influence. God, 
 in implanting it so deeply in our nature, must have 
 had some good purpose. If a child fail in his les- 
 son, or commit a disreputable act, he should be 
 ashamed. The evil lies in being ashamed of what 
 is in itself right. Whea this passion becomes a 
 supreme motive of conduct, it vitiates the character. 
 It is not well to say often to a youth, " They will 
 laugh at you." Better say, if it be the truth, " You 
 will deserve censure if you do thus or thus." What 
 we merit, not what we may or shall receive, should 
 be our habitual standard of conduct. Shame too 
 often oppresses the soul, and takes the life from our 
 virtue. In the journal of a traveller in New Mex- 
 ico, he tells us his party were overtaken in midwinter 
 by a storm of snow ; and so fast did it fall, and so 
 rapidly did it gain, that at night it buried these travel- 
 lers over quite deeply. And there, beneath a load 
 of snow, and with a difficult respiration, they slept. 
 Thus does shame cover over the moral man. He 
 may live and breathe still, but beneath what a load 
 must he do it ! How much better to enjoy the 
 bright sun of a good conscience, and the clear air of 
 virtue, than to bear this oppressive burden !
 
 MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 133 
 
 Early in appearance, as a motive, is the love of 
 accumulation and gain. The infant grasps his toy 
 and books, before he can speak of " the rights of 
 property." And doubtless he has rights ; and even 
 then we should sacredly respect them. Let the lit- 
 tle child say, " This is mine, and this yours," for so 
 will he learn to take care of his own. Yet beware 
 lest his desire of possessions grow into avarice. I 
 would encourage a child to amass, that he might use, 
 and use well, what he gains. Let him never be al- 
 lowed to hoard. If your daughter desires to accu- 
 mulate presents, jewelry, articles of apparel, or even 
 books, only to store them in her drawers, and feast 
 her own eyes by an occasional review of them, or if 
 she wishes only to show them to others with boast- 
 ing and pride, then beware, for there lie the seeds of 
 a selfish and sordid disposition. 
 
 Prudence and economy are always commendable ; 
 they should be taught to every child, whether rich or 
 poor. But every child, in whatever circumstances, 
 should also be encouraged to save, not only for per- 
 sonal wants and uses, but for the express object of 
 being able to give of his own to others. Show the 
 little child the pleasure there is in sharing whatever 
 he has with others. If you allow him to lay aside 
 any dainty for his palate, let a part of it be reserved 
 for a brother or sister. Hold up to him the meanness 
 of a greedy spirit. Do not give him large sums of 
 money, that he may have to bestow on others ; but
 
 134 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 teach him to give away his own things, to forego, for 
 example, his confectionary, for the sake of bestowing 
 something on a companion. Sacrifice, self-denial, 
 privation, these are the only basis of true generosity, 
 and of a God-approved, as well as man-approved, 
 charity. 
 
 It is the custom of many parents to hire their 
 children to work for them ; some employ the pe- 
 cuniary motive until they can obtain no service of a 
 child, that is disagreeable to him, except by paying 
 him for it. Yet consider the effect of such training : 
 it stimulates a low passion, the love of money, and 
 weakens the highest and best sentiments in the child. 
 It nullifies parental authority ; for the child will do 
 nothing that he dislikes merely because he is com- 
 manded to do it. The parent, by this course, is 
 brought down to a level with any one in the street 
 who asks assistance of his child. He must offer a 
 compensation or he is boldly refused the assistance. 
 Money, gain, not reverence, not, either, true love, 
 becomes the all-absorbing principle with a child 
 thus educated. 
 
 It may be necessary, in extraordinary cases, to 
 hire the labor of our children. There may be a 
 natural indolence, that requires this stimulus at first. 
 But it should be used with extreme caution ; for, 
 like every other strong stimulant, it becomes more 
 and more craving, until it leads, if unchecked, to fa- 
 tal results. I would make my children presents ;
 
 MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 135 
 
 but they should not be in the form of rewards. A 
 gift does your child good ; it calls forth his affection 
 for you, and awakens, or should awaken, his grati- 
 tude. But to pay him wages degrades both him and 
 yourself. Train your daughter to be useful at home, 
 for the sake of pleasing you. The habit once 
 formed, she will ask no higher reward ; she will not 
 dream of being paid for every duty she performs in 
 your chambers or parlour. 
 
 There is no harm in promising a child something 
 if he will correct a certain bad personal habit, not 
 of a moral character, but rendering him awkward or 
 disagreeable. It calls his attention to the habit, and 
 impresses on his mind its evil, and the necessity of 
 amending it. This is a harmless reward, while to 
 hire a child to be good, to obey you, or to do his 
 duty, is substituting an impure for a pure motive ; it 
 is putting " hay, wood, and stubble " at the foun- 
 dation of the character. 
 
 Still higher in the scale of motives ranks the love 
 of approbation. The young mind is exquisitely alive 
 to praise and blame. If with the adult we see it 
 everywhere true that this quality is a criterion of char- 
 acter, and " as the fining-pot is to the silver, and as 
 the furnace is to gold, so is a man to his praise," it 
 is emphatically so with children. We hold in our 
 hands, as parents and instructors, no instrument of 
 culture so powerful, and at the same time so delicate 
 in its construction and uses, as this. I apprehend
 
 136 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 we commit more errors on this point than any 
 other. We misunderstand the motives of children, 
 why they act as they do, how we may expect them 
 to act, and by what means we should try to induce 
 them to ' pure action. Hence, in our whole system 
 of praise and blame, and rewards and punishments, 
 we go sadly astray. 
 
 Let one, for example, look through a day, and 
 see how much oftener he censures than commends his 
 child. The ninety-and-nine good deeds are passed 
 by unnoticed, while the hundredth evil deed is sharp- 
 ly rebuked. That must be a reprobate creature who 
 does more wrong than right things. Where is the 
 child, for example, who tells more falsehoods than 
 truths in the day ? Where, then, is the justice of 
 bestowing more blame than praise ? Only be as 
 watchful for the good as you now are for the evil, 
 and you will change the entire complexion of each 
 passing day. How many homes made happy should 
 we have by this one reform ! 
 
 Many parents administer rewards and punishments, 
 not according to the actual deserts of their children, 
 but according to the mood they are themselves in at 
 the moment. Are they in good humour, then every- 
 thing suits them ; they are pleased, and they praise 
 liberally. But are they not in good humour, does 
 their business perplex them, or do their domestic af- 
 fairs go wrong, or are they for any cause excited and 
 irritated, then no act of their child seems right, and
 
 MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 137 
 
 the harsh word and the quick blow come, as unjust 
 as they are frequent. On how many occasions do 
 we lose sight of the motive, in our displeasure at the 
 consequences, of an act ! The daughter breaks an 
 article of furniture ; the mother is exasperated. She 
 does not stop to inquire whether it was done inten- 
 tionally, or even carelessly, but proceeds at once to 
 punish, according to the value of the article. The 
 child has a keen sense of justice, and sadly and most 
 culpably is it wounded by these unmerited castiga- 
 tions. Better lose the half of your household ef- 
 fects than thus violate this sacred, God^implanted 
 principle of justice in a youthful breast. 
 
 I once knew a father who brought a load of wood 
 from the forest to his door on a cold winter's noon. 
 While he partook of his dinner, his sons, to relieve 
 their parent, threw the wood from his wagon. 
 They went in joyfully to tell him of their good ser- 
 vice. But he, instead of commending them for 
 their generous intentions, was at first silent, and then 
 coldly censured them, because the wood was not 
 thrown precisely in the spot he desired. Were it 
 not wiser to blame according to a child's motive ? 
 Does your child make you a present, receive it not 
 as it may benefit you or otherwise, but in the spirit 
 in which it is given. Consider always the motive, 
 and if you err, let it be on the side of charity. 
 Give too much, rather than too little credit ; for this 
 is far better in its bearing on a child's character.
 
 138 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 Over and over say unto yourself, " What did he 
 mean by this and that action ? Let me give him his 
 full desert." In one word, be calm, be deliberate, 
 judge not in haste, still less in passion ; then will you 
 judge and give credit aright.'
 
 I 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. CONTINUED. 
 
 CHILDREN are much influenced by what I may 
 call the family opinion. There are certain ideas 
 current in every household, and a corresponding 
 standard of conduct. There is an average of prin- 
 ciples ; and there is a moral tone, which does much 
 to decide the characters of the children. We see 
 some schools governed almost entirely by the school 
 opinion. Where it embraces the prominent virtues 
 of diligence, punctuality, order, &c., these qualities 
 prevail. Such is its power, that it often enables the 
 teacher to secure good discipline, and much strict- 
 ness even, without employing corporal chastisement, 
 or any undue severity. It sometimes rises so high 
 as to give correct views of the whole circle of moral 
 and religious duties. 
 
 Now, why cannot parents establish a similar public 
 opinion in the family ? Why may they not render 
 incorrect principles, and impure actions, words, and 
 even thoughts and feelings, so unpopular, that they 
 shall be excluded from the conduct and conversation
 
 140 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 of every child in the circle ? Let elevated exam- 
 ples of virtue be familiarly spoken of, and constantly 
 commended. Encourage a mild, but frank and de- 
 cided, rebuke of every shade of wrong-doing. Let 
 the children become sincere helpers of one another 
 in the great work of right thinking and right deport- 
 ment. Only keep the spirit of love constantly alive, 
 and father and mother, son and daughter, brother and 
 sister, will become mutual teachers in one grand 
 Christian school. 
 
 A pure motive, and one we may often address, is 
 love to the parent. The child who desires to please 
 father and mother is kept easily in the path of virtue. 
 That sweet smile is sunshine to his heart, and those 
 approving tones are his daily music. Nor does ab- 
 sence weaken this stimulus. Throughout the day he 
 anticipates a delicious recompense for the tempta- 
 tions he has resisted, and the progress he has made in 
 whatever is pure and praiseworthy, when at night he 
 shall meet those dear faces. And in later years, 
 when toil and gain have borne us far from the loved 
 abode of our early days, we rejoice to look over the 
 space that parts us from those snow-crowned heads, 
 and again, buoyant with our childhood's reminiscen- 
 ces, guided by the star of home, 
 
 " we come, 
 
 Our toils and dangers past, to seek rest, 
 And love, and welcoming eyes, and gentle hearts." 
 
 " Love is first to be instilled," in the words of
 
 MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 141 
 
 Coleridge, "and out of love obedience is to be 
 educed." The value of filial obedience depends on 
 its being affectionate and cheerful. If it be cold and 
 reluctant, it loses half its merit. Love to man, a 
 tender and sympathetic spirit, and a generous, for- 
 bearing and forgiving disposition, are of transcen- 
 dent importance. But how shall the fountain of these 
 holy sensibilities be opened in the soul ?, It is the 
 mother who can do most to awaken in her child the 
 social and amiable sentiments. If true to her office, 
 she will repress every selfish propensity, and encour- 
 age all that is disinterested and self-denying in her 
 children. She will open the shutters of their hearts, 
 and let in the sun of love upon them. The wise fa- 
 ther will sedulously inculcate on his sons the duty of 
 living out of themselves. He will represent it as 
 their privilege to cause as much happiness, and that, 
 too, in as pure ways as possible, among their rela- 
 tives, associates, and friends. He will teach them 
 to be merciful, and never forget that 
 
 " To err is human ; to forgive, divine." 
 
 Indeed, love in any form, and to any being, is an el- 
 evating motive. It is good that a child be taught to 
 love the very animals. 
 
 " Let there he something, though a hird, which he 
 May spend a little kindness on." 
 
 Cowper was full of tenderness to the brute crea- 
 tion ; his rabbits interest every lover of his writings,
 
 142 THE CHRISTIAN PABENT. 
 
 and who can doubt that many a heart, both of the 
 happy and sad, has been made better by the multi- 
 tudes of parrots, lap-dogs, canaries, &c., which 
 have been objects of affection ? 
 
 Nothing is unimportant which serves to take us 
 away from ourselves. Whatever gives strength to 
 our regard for a particular individual, or expands our 
 affections toward more and more persons, should be 
 nourished in children. If it is but to divide an apple 
 with a schoolmate, that is the germ, it may be, of a 
 love that years cannot quench. Talk to your chil- 
 dren of the sick, the poor, the imprisoned, the en- 
 slaved ; interest them in all that concerns the good 
 of their race, in peace and purity, temperance, 
 education, humanity. An eminent divine was ac- 
 customed to select some topic of this kind whenever 
 he met his children at the table. This may be too 
 formal ; but how often may we incidentally blend 
 with the social repast or the evening hours some 
 word that shall kindle a disinterested, perhaps a 
 world-embracing, spirit in the young beings around 
 us. Let us not lose this precious seed-time. 
 
 Encourage in yorr child a desire of superiority. 
 Much is said of the evils of emulation ; and, when 
 excited by ranks, medals, and rewards in the 
 school-room, it doubtless does harm. But there 
 may be a generous emulation, a rivalry with the 
 good and the pure, that is healthful and invigorating. 
 When we admire the elevated character of another.
 
 MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 143 
 
 we should set forth at once to emulate that charac- 
 ter. If your son read of excellence in others, it 
 should fire his own spirit to go and do likewise. 
 Let him not be content to look up to such emi- 
 nence, but incite him to rise to it himself. Wher- 
 ever he shall see or hear of any rare worth, and love 
 and commend it, teach him that he has power, if he 
 have but faith, to imitate, to equal, it may be to sur- 
 pass it. Bind on his frontlet the noble motto, 
 " What I admire, that I will 6e." 
 
 A high motive of conduct is the love of improve- 
 ment. Every child desires knowledge ; he never 
 knows enough to satisfy that desire. Why should 
 not the young thirst for progress in virtue, as they 
 do to learn something new ? If there is pleasure in 
 solving a difficult problem, and mastering a new 
 study, so is there pleasure in gaining new triumphs 
 over the difficulties with which passion and appetite, 
 self and sin, obstruct our course. It is no less prac- 
 ticable did we bestow equal labor on the task 
 to educate the moral than the intellectual nature. 
 Teach your boy, as he advances from branch to 
 branch, and rises from school to school, so also to 
 advance in kindness, self-control, industry, patience, 
 and every virtue. Once wake him to a love of per- 
 sonal improvement, and there is no height he may 
 not reach. He will seek to overcome his faults, 
 and to strengthen his good affections, and confirm 
 his pure habits. He will provide himself with an out-
 
 144 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 fit, and hasten to that captivating region where a 
 treasure better than gold is accumulated, and where 
 no sickness is, and no enemy can destroy, but where 
 life, even eternal life, will be his sure possession. 
 
 I now approach the culminating point of human 
 motives, by introducing the virtue of conscientious- 
 ness. Let this be prominent in your child's charac- 
 ter, and you have much to hope for in his fututre 
 course. Let there be an earnest desire to do right 
 in everything, and let this desire be enlightened and 
 healthful, and we have secured nearly all that educa- 
 tion, morally speaking, can accomplish. 
 
 We should never rest content with motives which 
 originate in outward relations and circumstances. I 
 have said that the little child leans on the judgment 
 of his mother to decide for him what is right. But, 
 as he grows up, he should be weaned from her in 
 this respect. He must now seek his moral nutri- 
 ment, and his chief spiritual sustenance, elsewhere. 
 Let not the daughter be trained to depend on her 
 mother at sixteen, as entirely 'as she did at six, to 
 know what she ought to do. Her own sense of du- 
 ty should before this have been so exercised as to 
 point out to her what is right and what wrong. 
 Where the conscience is well developed, a child 
 becomes keen-sighted to evil and good. The boy 
 loves truth so fervently that he shuns every form of 
 deception. He is not satisfied with telling no abso- 
 lute lies ; he is anxious to have his feelings, as well
 
 MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 145 
 
 as his words, true. He will not, for example, hide 
 a knife or a top which he has found, and then say he 
 does not know who owns it ; he will take pains to 
 find the owner. 
 
 A child's conscientiousness must be so strong, that 
 he will do right when alone, no less than while in 
 presence of others. He should fear the rebuke of his 
 own spirit more than that of his teacher or his par- 
 ents. Every boy has opportunities to do good in 
 secret. If you can lead him to perform such acts, 
 to give things to others indirectly and unseen, or to 
 defend a playmate who is spoken against in his ab- 
 sence, or to help a poor man whom he will never 
 see again, you strengthen his conscience, and help 
 him to form a noble character. 
 
 Some children incline to cover up their faults ; 
 they are naturally secretive. Such should be taught 
 the duty of confession. Let there be no false pride, 
 no pretending to perfection ; but show every child 
 that he has faults, like all human beings, and that he 
 is bound to confess them. Inspire your daughter 
 with the magnanimous disposition to do justice to 
 others, and to acknowledge her own errors. This 
 is a difficult lesson ; it is worth the toil of a whole 
 life to learn it. Commence the task, then, with your 
 child from his earliest years. 
 
 Let not your son slight any work you give him to 
 do ; and show him that the wrong of doing so is 
 greater where he conceals it from you, than if you 
 10
 
 146 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 saw it. There are a thousand cases in the day 
 where a conscientious child will be faithful in secret. 
 And if conscience be miseducated, there will be 
 constant opportunities and temptations to practise 
 deceptions which shall pass without detection. 
 
 I would now say that a child's conscience may be 
 over-sensitive. He may study his own feelings too 
 closely, and have a morbid dread of inward re- 
 proach. This is the case when he thinks more 
 about his own feelings than what occasions those 
 feelings. If your daughter sits, hour after hour, 
 brooding over the state of her mind, and fearful it 
 is a wrong one, her mental condition is unhealthful. 
 Let her go abroad, and do good to others, and she 
 will then have a sound and an approving conscience. 
 
 It is not enough that we act conscientiously ; we 
 must also enlighten our conscience. The world is full 
 of examples of error and sin that spring from the light 
 within becoming darkness. Bigotry, persecution, 
 and martyrdom have all sheltered themselves under 
 the plea of conscience. It is not enough for a child 
 to say, " I know I am right " ; he must be able to 
 give a reason for this confidence. Any one can 
 protest his innocence, and cry aloud against all who 
 oppose him. But not every one can show good 
 grounds for such protestations ; and that because so 
 many are influenced by a blind obstinacy, instead of 
 an intelligent and candid spirit. 
 
 Above all, we should strive to keep a child's
 
 MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 147 
 
 conscience active up to his own standard of right. 
 Do not let him be satisfied with merely being as 
 good as most of the boys at his school. He should 
 be directed to a law higher than this world would 
 impose, the law of his own breast. Because 
 others play truant, that is not to excuse him in it. 
 They may break their promises, but this is no apol- 
 ogy for his doing so. Though every boy should 
 strike back the blows of his associates, let it not 
 shield yours in such guilt. Never permit your 
 daughter to return anger for anger, but so educate 
 her conscience that she shall be meek and forgiving, 
 like Jesus. 
 
 Such is the long scale of the moral motives to be 
 addressed by the parent. What wisdom does he 
 need, where, if he commence low, he must ascend 
 constantly higher ! He may, he must, in some in- 
 stances, "begin in the flesh" ; but alas for his child, 
 if he never go beyond that ! Earnestly should he pray, 
 that, with each advancing year of their intercourse, 
 he may learn to touch the purest springs in his 
 breast. Through lack of wisdom, the parent some- 
 times fosters those very propensities he must after- 
 ward repress. The subtle fox is brought in by his 
 own hand among the tender grapes. He encourages 
 untruth or ill temper by smiling at its first manifesta- 
 tions ; he nourishes pride by excessive flattery. 
 The mother cherishes a passion for finery of dress, 
 which at length eats out the soul of her child, and
 
 148 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 " vanity of vanities " is written on her every step. 
 Our children are sometimes taught anger and revenge 
 by being trained to beat whatever does them harm, 
 perhaps an innocent chair ; and they learn cruelty 
 by being allowed to torture helpless creatures. In- 
 solence and tyranny are the fruit of an indulged 
 rudeness to the beggar or the cripple. Envy of 
 those richer than themselves, and jealousy of those 
 below them, become the rank growth of parental 
 conversation aimed at neighbours and rivals. Often 
 does the unwary father or mother thus inflame low 
 and unhallowed sentiments, and the little children are 
 not suffered to come unto Christ. As we look on the 
 parental relation, we see these immortal germs, 
 
 " the buds of being, rise 
 From cradle dreams, like snowdrops meek, 
 
 While through their mind-illumined eyes 
 A deathless principle doth speak ; 
 
 Already toward a brighter sphere 
 They turn, from this terrestrial spot " ; 
 
 and we cannot but cry from our hearts to their 
 God-commissioned guardians, 
 
 " Fond parents ! florists kind and dear ! 
 Hinder them not." 
 
 What skill must we have to comprehend the mo- 
 tives of our children, and what conscientiousness do 
 we need, to address only what is purest within them. 
 In a family we find no two sons or daughters alike. 
 The discipline that suits the disposition of one would
 
 MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 149 
 
 be pernicious to the other. The phlegmatic require 
 stimulants, the sanguine, restraints ; the mild must 
 be treated tenderly, the obstinate, with firmness. 
 This boy is sordid, and you must therefore teach 
 him generosity ; that boy is liberal to excess, and 
 you must keep his purse from him. One must be 
 encouraged, another kept back. How difficult to 
 discriminate, how hard to be just ! Rare is the ca- 
 pacity of that mother who never misjudges, and is 
 never unjust to her daughter ! Blessed faculty, 
 when this delicate instrument, a child's mind, is be- 
 fore us ! 
 
 " To be master of the lute, and know 
 How every note is touched." 
 
 Our motives are always mingled and complex. 
 To thread the mazes of a human heart is given to 
 but few. Yet how essential is this gift to the par- 
 ent ! Let him covet it earnestly ; let him desire, 
 let him pray without ceasing for, the grace of pen- 
 etration ! If he can discern clearly between the 
 good and the evil, and call forth none but pure feel- 
 ings, correct purposes, holy impulses, generous dis- 
 positions in his child, then shall the virtue of that 
 child be, not like the stream which rises in some 
 parched land only to flow on for a season, and then 
 be lost in the sand ; but it shall be a noble river, full 
 to its banks, and rolling majestically on to the sea of 
 eternity. 
 
 To reach that blessed consummation, direct your
 
 150 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 child for his first and last motive in every act to the 
 approbation of his God and Father. Point him to 
 that Being who looks at his inmost heart, and who, 
 when man misjudges us, always sees us aright, and 
 knows our true deserts. Let him fear to offend 
 him ; let him thirst for his favor, " as the hart pant- 
 eth for the water-brooks." So shall he learn to live, 
 not with eye-service, as a man-pleaser, but in single- 
 ness of heart ; and whatsoever he does will b,e done 
 heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men. And 
 then, in the day of the great vintage above, no in- 
 sidious foes shall have spoiled the vines, but the fruit 
 shall be abundant, and the ingathering shall give 
 everlasting joy.
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 SYMPATHY WITH CHILDHOOD. 
 
 
 
 THE character of our Saviour is presented to us 
 in the New Testament in the light of an example to 
 the teacher and the parent. He is represented, in 
 more than one instance, as being deeply interested in 
 the young. Now he calls a little child to him and 
 sets him in the midst of his disciples, and holds him up 
 in his arms as a pattern of humility. And how, with 
 a winning affection, he takes young children that were 
 brought to him to his bosom, puts his hands upon 
 them, and blesses them. These little ones never 
 mistake their true friends ; they knew Jesus was 
 their friend, and most touchingly did they testify 
 their attachment to him. For when he entered Je- 
 rusalem in triumph, we find the children crying in 
 the temple, " Hosanna to the son of David ! " 
 
 Observe how different was the reception given to 
 little children by our Saviour and by those who stood 
 around him. The chief priests and the scribes 
 were sore displeased at their hosannas. " Hearest 
 thou," asked they, with contempt, " what these
 
 152 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 say ? " The reply of Jesus, while reproving them, 
 at the same time exalts childhood. " Have ye nev- 
 er heard, Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings 
 thou hast perfected praise ? " And his very disci- 
 ples so little did they enter into, or -even compre- 
 hend, his appreciation of the young rebuked those 
 that brought children unto him. They thought it 
 beneath his dignity to notice a child, or they were 
 unwilling he should be delayed by such unimportant 
 matters as blessing little children. How slow has the 
 world been to correct this great error ! How com- 
 paratively few have had that hearty sympathy with the 
 young which invites their approach and secures their 
 confidence ! Age after age has come short of a true 
 moral and religious education of the young, because 
 they took their stand with the disciples. They did 
 not open their hearts, and open their arms, like Je- 
 sus, and say to all who would repel them, " Suf- 
 fer little children to come unto us, and forbid them 
 not." 
 
 Were I called to write on the door-post of every 
 house a sentence that should embody the law of pa- 
 rental instruction and discipline, it should be this : 
 To teach a child well, you must have the spirit of a 
 child. It is not until, laying aside our manhood 
 and going back to our own early days, we enter into 
 his feelings, his mind becoming for the time our 
 mind, and his heart our heart, that we can gain ac- 
 cess to his inner being, and truly educate, that is,
 
 SYMPATHY WITH CHILDHOOD. 153 
 
 call forth, the powers, sentiments, and faculties that 
 are wrapped up within him. 
 
 The principle of adaptation, based upon sympa- 
 thy, was admirably exhibited in the character and 
 teachings of the Apostle Paul. Whatever class he 
 approached, he threw himself, for the^time being, in- 
 to their precise situation. He had but one purpose, 
 to bring all men to Christ. Therefore it was that 
 unto the- Jew he became as a Jew, that he might 
 gain the Jews ; and to the weak he became as weak, 
 that he might gain the weak. In this high and pure 
 sense he was " made all things to all men," and by 
 such means did he save multitudes of souls. 
 
 By no other method than this can we save our 
 children. The parent who keeps himself apart in 
 spirit from his offspring never succeeds in acquiring 
 a deep and permanent influence over them. " Of 
 such," said Jesus, "is the kingdom of heaven"; 
 and there is but one gate whereby we can enter that 
 kingdom. If we are unwilling to stoop to the child, 
 and become, like him, humble, docile, unambitious, 
 then can we not instruct him. We need to be con- 
 verted ; we need to come down from our self-exalta- 
 tion, to sit by his side, to catch his temper, to come 
 into full sympathy with him. Then shall we be able 
 to lead him to God and goodness. 
 
 The error of past times has been, to make the 
 widest possible separation between teacher and pu- 
 pil, parent and child. Our Pilgrim ancestors thought
 
 154 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 it dangerous to encourage familiarity in the young. 
 They imagined it would break down family author- 
 ity, and destroy respect for fathers and mothers. 
 Who is there in mid-life that has not experienced, or 
 has not witnessed, at least, the unhappy effects of this 
 error ? To how many minds has it brought a cloud 
 over the memory of a departed father ! There was 
 reverence, it is true, for that father ; but love never 
 entered the heart. We have the grand outlines of 
 the Christian character in the picture left of him. 
 There are stern principle, unbending integrity, truth- 
 fulness, fidelity, and justice ; but the delicate shades 
 and the softer tints of affectionate manners, pleasing 
 tones, the ever-beaming countenance, that speaks of 
 a childlike spirit, these we miss. 
 
 I once saw at St. Paul's, in London, a gathering 
 of some seven thousand children from the charity 
 schools. They were neatly clad ; their outward 
 condition had been evidently cared for with a Chris- 
 tian liberality. The officials who had charge of 
 them appeared all watchful and faithful to their trust. 
 But one thing was wanting. Those children all 
 wore a grave, not to say a sad countenance ; their 
 little hearts had never throbbed in response to a 
 mother's tenderness ; they bore the marks of no 
 gentle intercourse with loving superiors ; they had 
 never felt a ray of genuine sympathy ; charity 
 seemed to have frozen their young being by that 
 very touch which ministered to. their bodies and their
 
 SYMPATHY WITH CHILDHOOD. 155 
 
 minds. A short time since, I saw another gathering 
 of thousands of children. It was in our own land, 
 and in the metropolis of the most favored portion of 
 that land. But how marked was the contrast ! Here 
 every face beamed with happiness. Not only was 
 the apparel neat and entire, but the being it covered 
 was manifestly replete with joy. TKe parents and 
 teachers and patrons of the day were wreathed in 
 smiles. Cheerfulness rang through the songs and 
 speeches. Piety, purity, and benevolence were 
 made gladsome themes on the occasion. Jesus was 
 himself there ; his benignant eye sent a benediction 
 over that assembly ; for there was none to rebuke, 
 none to " forbid " the least of those children from 
 coming up for the blessing poured forth through 
 those childlike disciples. 
 
 An eminent writer has given us the clew to parental 
 education in these three words, "Discern, follow, 
 lead." 'That is, first catch the thought in the child's 
 mind ; then go on with the same train a little way ; 
 and at last give it a new, though not an opposite, di- 
 rection. But we cannot catch a child's thought un- 
 less, for the moment, we become children ourselves. 
 If we look only for the maturity of manhood, we 
 shall be sure of disappointment. If we demand of 
 the little girl the judgment of a woman, then we 
 lack the capacity to influence her mind. The par- 
 ent, if he would touch the very springs of his child's 
 life, must descend and condescend. In vain will he
 
 156 THE CHRISTIAN PAEENT. 
 
 hope to call forth his best nature while he keeps him- 
 self up in a higher region of thought and feeling. 
 In many, perhaps most respects, on reaching man- 
 hood, we should put away childish things ; but as 
 teachers of the young we can do little except we still 
 speak as a child, understand as a child, think and 
 feel as a child. 
 
 There is a philosophy in this influence which the' 
 parent should fully understand. We are all affected 
 more or less in our views and conduct by sympathy 
 with others. We adopt easily the opinions of those 
 whom we love ; our tastes, also, influence our judg- 
 ment. The likes and dislikes we entertain toward 
 others induce us to shun or imitate their examples. 
 
 But if this be true of the adult, it is preeminently 
 so of children. They are governed far less by rea- 
 soning, and even by principle, than they are by sym- 
 pathy. Why is your little boy so easily led away to 
 think and act like some boy in the streets, rather 
 than like you ? Because he fancies that boy, and 
 probably loves him better than he does his own fa- 
 ther. We hear mothers sometimes complain, that 
 their little girls adopt the notions or imitate the man- 
 ners of a domestic, instead of their own. There is 
 no mystery in this ; for they love that domestic. 
 She takes more pains than their mother or sisters to 
 interest them, by entering into their schemes and 
 their feelings. 
 
 When you truly sympathize with your children in
 
 SYMPATHf WITH CHILDHOOD. 157 
 
 all their little affairs, they connect pleasant associa- 
 tions with your opinions, and hence readily embrace 
 them. They love to dwell on your character, and 
 insensibly copy its traits. They catch the expres- 
 sion of your countenance, the tones of your voice, 
 your manners and peculiarities ; they imitate what, 
 if they did not love you, they would only mimic and 
 ridicule. 
 
 The father gives his son set lectures upon good 
 principles and conduct ; his arguments are all sound, 
 and he thinks that is sufficient, of course the boy 
 will follow his advice. But, to his surprise, his 
 counsels fail of their effect. Other persuasions, and 
 other arguments, are daily leading him astray. And 
 from whom do they proceed ? From some person, 
 probably a companion of his own age, whom he 
 loves. Nay, without any direct attempt to influence 
 his opinions, or intention to corrupt him, you may 
 find that mere contiguity to an evil but popular com- 
 panion will pollute him. Indeed, as has been said 
 with truth and force, " the great prevailing principle 
 of the spread of vice is moral contagion." 
 
 It is not merely living with our children that will 
 produce a sympathy with them. We may take our 
 meals together, and sit by the same fireside, for 
 years, and yet our hearts never come in contact with 
 each other. Father and son may live on under one 
 roof, and still their hopes and fears, their pleasures 
 and pains, be entirely unlike. The son does not
 
 158 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 enter the circle of his father's plans and feelings, and 
 the father does not try to enter his ; and so they sit 
 side by side, and walk and ride side by side, until 
 the youth parts from his home, heart-strangers ! 
 How is it possible there can be the best parental in- 
 fluences with this cold intercourse ? It is at best 
 only command on the one part and obedience on the 
 other. 
 
 The true relation between parent and child is that 
 of free communication and entire confidence. The 
 mother should interest herself in the pursuits and 
 pleasures of her children, and never think to stand 
 apart, in her dignity, from them. The father should 
 talk with them, tell them stories, join in their sports, 
 and thus imbed himself in their affections. If he al- 
 low himself to be so absorbed . in his business as to 
 neglect these things, Jet him not complain if they 
 choose other associates than himself, and finally en- 
 ter devious paths, and are lost. Many a boy has 
 even been instructed well, and restrained abundantly, 
 who afterward proved recreant to principle and vir- 
 tue, simply because there was no love to sweeten his 
 early instructions, and there were no inward ties 
 which made the outward restraints appear wise and 
 good. 
 
 Few parents sympathize aright with the troubles 
 of their children. We are apt to think these 
 troubles are all trivial ; but I believe we err. The 
 child's reason is not developed like ours ; he cannot
 
 SYMPATHY WITH CHILDHOOD. 159 
 
 so easily control his self-will ; the wishes of his par- 
 ents seem to him, perhaps, incomprehensible ; and 
 he is compelled, therefore, to put himself under the 
 severest restraint to obey them. This is true of 
 well-disciplined children. But what if the parent be 
 weak, capricious, indolent, indulgent at one time 
 and tyrannical at another ? What if he does not be- 
 lieve in the troubles of his child, and therefore never 
 studies or soothes them ? The young heart is then 
 thrown back on itself, and left only to submit and 
 suffer. These are real trials, trials which, seen in 
 manhood, would awaken our sympathy ; and why 
 should they not' when witnessed in a child ? 
 
 Great power over children is gained by placing 
 confidence in them. If they are distrusted, and sub- 
 jected to constant suspicion and a petty blame, we 
 at length render them miserable, and perhaps indif- 
 ferent to all censure. Some children are naturally 
 sensitive to blame, and it is both pernicious and cruel 
 to goad such spirits with continual fault-finding. 
 Others are made morbidly alive to censure by their 
 parents. They have reason to feel that " your 
 acid-sensitive and your coldly-querulous people need 
 to have angels to live with them." How melan- 
 choly the spectacle of those daily propagating these 
 very qualifies in their families ! And sadder still is 
 the thought, that not a few are doing it unconscious- 
 ly, they know not what manner of spirit they 
 are of.
 
 160 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 We put confidence in a child when we make some 
 allowance for his errors and faults. Suppose we 
 sometimes confess to him our own errors. It shows 
 him that, when he does wrong, he has our sympa- 
 thy 5 we do not stand proudly apart from him, as 
 if we were perfect. This leads him to open his 
 heart, acknowledge his wrong deeds, and cast him- 
 self on our justice and mercy. It thus gives us an 
 immense influence over his character. 
 
 It is desirable, for our own sakes, to cherish a 
 sympathy with childhood. We are brought by it in- 
 to the buoyant and happy temper of that period of 
 life. A thousand springs of innocent pleasure are 
 open to one who truly loves little children. He 
 possesses the genuine " elixir of life." He keeps 
 himself perpetually young, by the exhilarating influ- 
 ence of youthful feelings. A house which has no 
 children among its inmates becomes grave, dull, 
 and gloomy. There is a sepulchral atmosphere 
 about it, and the occupants grow prematurely old. 
 The blankest selfishness forbids one to isolate him- 
 self from childhood. 
 
 On every account, parents should commence early 
 a confidential intercourse with their children, and 
 continue it up to their adult years. It is said that 
 this feeling is natural to us while the child is very 
 young. Custom should make it a " second nature " 
 until they leave our roof. Let no stranger heart come 
 in to supplant our place in their affections ; let there
 
 SYMPATHY WITH CHILDHOOD. 161 
 
 oe no break in the chain which binds our spirits to- 
 gether. If we expect them to come toward us, and 
 grow manly and womanly, we also must go toward 
 them, and become childlike, and keep ourselves 
 youthful. Then will the streams of all holy and sav- 
 ing influences, as they course through their hearts, 
 bear the hues of a beautiful parental infusion. 
 
 11
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 RECREATIONS, BOOKS, COMPANIONS, OCCUPATION. 
 
 THE parent should carry the spirit of childhood, 
 joined to the wisdom of age, into the recreations he 
 encourages in his children. We are apt to leave 
 them, in these things, entirely to themselves. We 
 provide schools for them, and we furnish them em- 
 ployment. These are grave objects, worthy our at- 
 tention ; but a child's sports, they are but trifles. 
 Why should we take any interest in such small af- 
 fairs ? Are they indeed small affairs ? Is anything 
 a trifle that affects their characters ? Nay, is that 
 unimportant which concerns merely their happiness ? 
 If we look at the various aspects of a child's recre- 
 ations, we shall never treat them as beneath our 
 notice. 
 
 Tn the first place, children must have amusements. 
 God has so constituted them that they cannot pos- 
 sess health, buoyancy of spirits, elastic feelings, and 
 a vigorous mind, without liberal recreations. A boy 
 or a girl who has neither brother nor sister is usually 
 sober, premature, in an undesirable condition. The
 
 RECREATIONS, BOOKS, ETC. 163 
 
 fraternal sympathies are essential to a perfect devel- 
 opment of our virtue, no less than to our happiness. 
 If the parents, however, cherish a youthful spirit, 
 and participate in the sports of their lonely child, the 
 defect may be partially supplied. In every family 
 circle, father and mother should be, to some extent, 
 playmates with their children. " For many years," 
 said a parent, as he wept over a lost child, " I was 
 not only the preceptor, but the playfellow, of my 
 dear son ; and many a gleeful hour have we passed 
 together, either in trundling our hoops, whipping our 
 tops, -flying our kites, or brandishing our battle- 
 doors." Were this the ordinary practice, we should 
 do much to secure the young against impure recrea- 
 tions, and we should throw a charm about their home 
 which no length of years would efface from their 
 memory. 
 
 Nor is this all ; we should thus keep their minds 
 open for our graver instructions ; we should also pre- 
 pare the way for an easier parental discipline. We 
 desire obedience ; and how can we so well secure it 
 as by first securing a place in the heart of the child ? 
 Enter into that which interests your boy, and he will 
 repay you with a new love. And " love is the medi- 
 ator," as another has well said, " between power 
 and dependence ; that which meekens authority ; 
 that which ennobles submission. Only love can 
 subdue the selfish will in either doing or forbearing ; 
 only this can give sweetness to command, and cheer-
 
 164 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 fulness to obedience." To implant yourself in the 
 affection and confidence of your children, share with 
 them their amusements, become yourself a child. 
 It will improve your own temper and disposition, and 
 give you a lasting control over theirs. 
 
 I heard a father relate a method he had used of 
 filling up a holiday of his children, which seemed to 
 me both wise and well-principled. A muster was to 
 be held in a neighbouring town ; they desired to at- 
 tend it, and asked his permission the evening before. 
 "'Well," said he, "you shall have a muster to-mor- 
 row." In the morning they rose early ; he had them 
 dressed neatly, and took the cars with them for Bos- 
 ton, and there had likenesses of himself and his five 
 children taken by the Daguerreotype. " Now, chil- 
 dren," said he, " is not this a good ' muster ' ? Here 
 w y e are, all mustered together on this beautiful plate." 
 So, by a little personal effort and sympathy, and by 
 becoming a child for that day himself, he succeeded 
 in keeping them away from those sights and sounds 
 which kindle in the young mind a passion for war, 
 and gave them also a most delightful recreation. 
 
 We desire the virtue of our offspring ; let us then 
 strive to render their home pleasant. A chastened 
 facetiousness adds an attraction to the table and the 
 fireside. The humor of the father is never forgot- 
 ten ; the repartee of innocent mirth throws a halo 
 around the home of our early days. We may wan- 
 der far from that dear roof, but the dream of it will
 
 RECREATIONS, BOOKS, ETC. 165 
 
 return sweetly on our memory. " The green field 
 and the wooded lane " will come back to us, and 
 " the shadow watched expectingly from the school- 
 room window, as it shortens to the noontide hour. 
 There will be family greetings, and thanksgiving 
 feasts ; there will be the grasp of friendship, there 
 will be the kiss of love." And not the least of 
 those dear reminiscences will be the forms of both 
 honored and beloved parents, of a father planning 
 with us some scheme of home recreation, author- 
 ity abandoned for the hour, and a sweet compan- 
 ionship in its place, of a mother laying aside 
 her serious cares, relaxing her brow, and blend- 
 ing in the charmed scenes of our guileless pastime. 
 On such days Jesus looked with approbation. Joys 
 so pure, and connected with such blameles3 associa- 
 tions, are a part of that great life which prepares 
 both the little child and the man for His kingdom in 
 whose presence is fulness of joy, and at whose right 
 hand are pleasures for evermore. 
 
 We need the spirit of childhood to aid us in form- 
 ing among our youth a taste for books and correct 
 habits of reading. There are few of our native pop- 
 ulation who have not the ability to read. Years up- 
 on years our children are trained to this capacity in 
 the schools. But how little is done in comparison 
 to give a right direction to the use of this capacity ! 
 We influence our children enduringly through the 
 books we encourage them to read, and by the man-
 
 166 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 ner in which we invite or compel their perusal of 
 them. The character at every age is very much 
 swayed by our reading ; in childhood it is often 
 moulded' decisively by this power. A good book 
 not only imparts a knowledge of the right, but it in- 
 cites to the performance of it. The parent who se- 
 lects such a book for his child, and reads 'it to him, 
 or hears him read it, or encourages him to read it 
 alone, renders him a service which no length of time 
 can appreciate. 
 
 If I desired, on the other hand, to mar the beauty 
 of a child's character, by repelling him from God 
 and duty, I would walk in their steps who, of old, 
 in their unfortunate error, sought to force on their 
 children the reading of religious books. I have 
 heard of one who, before going to church, fastened 
 her little children each in a chair, and put Bibles in 
 their hands. One of them, it was said, soon learned 
 the art of concealing a picture-book in his Bible, 
 which he read of course with avidity. Milton tells 
 us of certain teachers who present the young " at 
 first with the most intellective abstractions of logic 
 and metaphysics." As might be expected, they 
 "grow," he says, "into hatred and contempt of 
 learning." This result is quite as sure to follow 
 from premature moral and religious reading, as from 
 forcing the intellect by studies too advanced for a 
 child's years. . 
 
 I would advocate the parent's directing his child's
 
 RECREATIONS, BOOKS, ETC. 167 
 
 mind in the choice of books ; but that direction 
 should be given in sympathy with childhood. If we 
 select grave books, those which are loaded with 
 moral precepts, for the young, we repress the very 
 disposition we would cherish. Perhaps Dr. John- 
 son went too far in his view of this subject, but there 
 is wisdom in his language. " I would let a boy," 
 says he, " at first read any book, because you have 
 done a great deal when you have brought him to 
 
 have entertainment in reading Sunday," he 
 
 continues, " was a heavy day to me when I was a 
 boy. My mother confined me on that day, and 
 made me read ' The Whole Duty of Man,' from a 
 great part of which I could derive no instruction." 
 
 What numbers in after days lose even the desire 
 to read profitable books ! Not a few, indeed, sel- 
 dom read anything more substantial than the newspa- 
 per, or at most the thin periodical. There is a waste 
 of the x results of education in this respect, which, 
 in a nation so devoted as ours is to the "Economies," 
 is truly amazing. Nor is the loss of time and money 
 the chief sacrifice in the case. Our people lose 
 or rather, many of them never form the taste for 
 reading at all. In a world abounding with the print- 
 ed records of human thought, they are blind to the 
 glorious spectacle. They are walking daily over 
 mines of untold wealth, the riches of science and 
 literature, the treasures of history, philosophy, po- 
 etry, truth, and fiction, and yet they never penetrate
 
 168 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 even the surface of the soil beneath their feet. The 
 voice of wisdom sounds along the ages of the past, 
 and the present utters its sweet melodies around 
 them, but their heart is waxed gross, and their ears 
 are dull of hearing. They live and they die utterly 
 neglectful of one of the dearest privileges, and one 
 of the most inestimable tastes, which the Father has 
 placed within our powers of acquisition. 
 
 But, beyond question, few ever acquire a taste for 
 reading late in life. If the young man does not keep 
 alive his interest in -books, seldom does the old man 
 revive it. Let it be neglected in childhood, and it 
 is not often formed anew in riper years. How many 
 merchants have retired from business with a fortune, 
 but become restless and miserable without city 
 excitements, because they had no love of books. 
 With a fondness for reading, we need never expe- 
 rience ennui. We can always have company ; and 
 we can choose our own society too ; you have but 
 to go to your library, and in whatever mood, wheth- 
 er cheerful or sad, languid or excited, you can se- 
 lect a companion suited to the hour. You have 
 materials for thought, subjects for conversation, 
 fountains of happiness opening up around you, pure 
 and perennial. 
 
 What parent, then, will not do all he can to culti- 
 vate in his children this delightful and ennobling 
 taste ? As an instrument of personal improvement, 
 as a means of suggesting good thoughts, imparting
 
 RECREATIONS, BOOKS, ETC. 169 
 
 correct principles, and cherishing right dispositions 
 and affections in the child and the man, I would urge 
 every parent to incite both his sons and daughters to 
 a love of reading. The books they peruse will tell 
 on their characters for ever. They will be pious or 
 thoughtless, benevolent or selfish, pure or impure, to 
 a very great degree, according as their early guar- 
 dians shall influence their reading. 
 
 To secure the greatest benefit from this habit, the 
 parent must mould his child's taste by first becoming 
 a child himself. I have known those who required 
 their children to read aloud to them such books as 
 suited their own mature minds. They desired a 
 personal gratification, or thought, perhaps, to do the 
 child good by compelling him to pore over a grave 
 and solid work. How unwise this course ! Turn 
 back, you who would do thus, to your own child- 
 hood. Did you take pleasure at that age in reading 
 works on theology, moral treatises, or dry history ? 
 Why, then, constrain this boy to do it now ? If you 
 would do him good, let him select his own book ; that 
 he will read with interest ; and though it appear child- 
 ish to your sober years, yet bear the privation cheer- 
 fully, for so you may help this child to form a taste 
 which will go with him through life, and fill him with 
 joy, and quicken him to an unfading excellence. 
 
 Carry the same spirit into the formation for your 
 children of their companionships. " There is," as 
 has been well observed, " a mysterious power which
 
 170 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 discovers and selects friends for us in our child- 
 hood." We know not the affinities by which two 
 little girls incline -to one another ; "sit together in 
 school ; walk together after school ; tell each other 
 their manifold secrets, and write long and impas- 
 sioned letters to each other in the evening." But 
 something may be done to guide this selection. The 
 conversation of the family may turn often on its im- 
 portance. Questions may be put in regard to those 
 whose society a child seeks and enjoys, like these : 
 Is he a good boy ? Does he give you good ad- 
 vice ? Is his language pure ? Does he set you the 
 right example ? We can sometimes see a change 
 in our children on adopting a new companion. Ac 
 cording as it is for the better or the worse, so should 
 we comment upon it. 
 
 The character of a child, while he is in society, 
 should be " like an upright, elastic tree, which 
 bends, accommodating itself a little to each wind on 
 every side, but never loses its spring and self-de- 
 pendent vigor." Neighbourhood has a vast inflence 
 on the characters of our children. There seems to 
 be a fatalism if the Christian may ever apply that 
 word to his circumstances in the class by which a 
 boy or girl happens to be surrounded. If they are 
 pure, so is he or she ; if they are noisy, profane, 
 vulgar, or untruthful, happy for us if our own children 
 become not like them. It requires wisdom, here as 
 everywhere else, to excite and to restrain, in due
 
 RECREATIONS, BOOKS, ETC. 171 
 
 proportions ; but one grand rule the conscientious 
 parent must firmly adopt. At the risk of offending 
 the nearest relative, or most valued friend on earth, 
 and however painful to himself or his child, he 
 should never permit him to associate intimately with 
 one who he sees and knows is, both by example and 
 persuasion, infusing a daily poison into his mor'al life- 
 blood. 
 
 Notice the earliest biases of your children in re- 
 gard to a future occupation. There are parents who 
 predetermine what employment a son shall pursue. 
 Perhaps he is to enter a store, study a profession, or 
 acquire some trade. They come to this decision from 
 their own point of view alone. Were it not wiser 
 to set aside their own tastes and preferences, and 
 look directly at their child ? What are his physical 
 energies, what is his mental capacity, and what his 
 prevailing inclination ? If he desire a pursuit that is 
 honest and honorable, then why throw impediments 
 in his way ? 
 
 The only case in which a parent can safely forbid 
 his child to choose an occupation for himself is that 
 of his being governed in his choice by fashion, by 
 companions, or by other influences, independent en- 
 tirely of his personal qualifications. Taste and ca- 
 pacity usually indicate a boy's destiny in regard to 
 an occupation. Where they are evidently at vari- 
 ance with each other, the parent must exercise his 
 authority, and decide what shall be his son's pursuit.
 
 172 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 But close observation and judicious management will 
 ordinarily bring the views of parent and child into 
 harmony on this important subject. 
 
 The moral influence of every calling in life a faith- 
 ful parent will always regard. Teach your boy that 
 he was not sent into this world b,y his Heavenly Fa- 
 ther merely to make money, but that character is to 
 be first, midst, and last, in every plan he shall form. 
 Two things must be indelibly stamped on his mind. 
 First, that no pursuit is laudable, not though it yield 
 the riches of the West and East combined, which 
 presents irresistible temptations either to fraud or to 
 avarice. The other point is this : Your son must 
 have some regular occupation. " He who merely 
 hangs as a burden on the shoulders of his fellow- 
 men, who adds nothing to the common stock of 
 comfort, and only spends his time in devouring it," 
 is not only u a public nuisance," but an offender 
 against God as well as man. The little child is a 
 model of industry. Let his spirit, cherished by our- 
 selves, be carried forward through every succeeding 
 period ; for industry, it cannot be too often repeat- 
 ed, is a moral safeguard, and a religious duty ; it is 
 a source of unfailing happiness, and a prerequisite for 
 that kingdom whose type and temper, in this respect, 
 as in many others, are seen now in the little child.
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 
 
 IN concluding the chapters upon the motive pow- 
 ers to be employed in the education of the young, I 
 spoke of the approbation of God as the highest and 
 purest of all possible motives. This being true, 
 the great aim of the parent should be to awaken in 
 his child's mind a sense of the Divine presence, and 
 to lead him to refer every action of his life to Him. 
 Whatever other graces or virtues he may strive to 
 call forth in him, they should be regarded but as 
 planets in a great moral system, whose sun and cen- 
 tre is personal piety. His education is to begin, 
 continue, and terminate so far as education can ev- 
 er terminate with his relations to our common God 
 and Father. We may set before our children other 
 and subordinate inducements, such as a desire for 
 human approbation, the preparation for this life, the 
 desire of property, or the love of other persons ; but 
 we are never to rest in these. We must teach them 
 to look into their ovwn hearts continually, and from 
 them to look up to Him who searcheth and knoweth 
 every secret thing.
 
 174 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 The Author of our nature has indicated the pa- 
 rental duty in this respect by the very constitution of 
 the child. He has made the infant mind capable of 
 knowing something of himself. There are instincts 
 which draw the young being, almost frorp his cradle, 
 up to the Father. He is then susceptible to impres- 
 sions from all sources, but from none are they so 
 deep and so strong as from this. The love called 
 forth by a mother's voice expands naturally into a 
 love for the Divine Parent. Every pure affection is 
 a part of the rich soil in which the spiritual may be 
 sown, and from the germs of this mortal existence 
 there may spring up an everlasting life. When you 
 speak of heavenly things, the child sits at your feet 
 a willing listener ; and, as face answers to face in a 
 glass, so he reflects back your devoutest word and 
 your most pious emotion. 
 
 This is true of every relation in which we may 
 choose to represent the Divine Being. Do we speak 
 of Him as a witness, as one who can see our inmost 
 thought and feeling ? This is at once received as 
 true ; the man may doubt and question and disbe- 
 lieve, but the little child at once believes. He is 
 full of inquiries and speculations in regard to what 
 he sees and hears around him. There are things 
 which seem to him incredible ; he will ask of the 
 account you give him, or of the story he reads, 
 in which marvels occur in relation to men, " Is this 
 true ? " But when you tell him of God, of his uni-
 
 RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 175 
 
 versal presence, his unbounded power and knowl- 
 edge, you have but to employ some simple illustra- 
 tion, like that in which Jesus compares the opera- 
 tions of the Divine Spirit to the wind, and you find 
 him predisposed to accept it. Though he cannot 
 see God, yet readily does his mind believe, and his 
 heart joyfully respond to it, " Thou, God, seest 
 me." 
 
 Do we represent this omniscient Being as a moral 
 Judge ? Do we say he will bring secret things to 
 light, and reward the innocent and punish the guilty ? 
 Every such statement meets from the child a re- 
 sponse. He has an intuitive perception of justice 
 in his own breast, and most readily does he confess 
 that God must be more just than man, and the eyes 
 of the Lord must behold the good and the evil. He 
 believes not only that God is, but that he is the re- 
 warder of all who do right. This truth is not with 
 him a matter of argument, but of faith. How often, 
 when we go about coldly to reason of God, and be- 
 come " in endless mazes lost," do we blush as we 
 look on the little child, and see his steady and beau- 
 tiful trust ! 
 
 But preeminent is the disposition of the child to 
 regard God as a Father. His experience of the filial 
 relation qualifies him to receive the purest and best 
 of beings as a Parent. Teach him his entire de- 
 pendence, and begin with the simplest illustrations. 
 Say to him, " Put your finger on your wrist, and
 
 176 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 notice the pulse ; who causes it to beat ? You do 
 not do it yourself ; neither can it beat by its own 
 power. Observe the constancy and regularity of 
 your breath. Who sustains this marvellous play of 
 the lungs ? " The child, like the philosopher, will 
 answer, " It is, it must be, an Almighty Power." 
 It needs no deep metaphysics, it needs only an in- 
 corrupt heart, to say, with the pious Quarles, "God 
 blows the bellows ; we only touch the keys." The 
 great truth discovered by Newton commends itself to 
 the youngest of minds, that all nature obeys a single 
 law, and that it is God in whom " we live, and 
 move, and have our being." 
 
 The paternal character of God is nowhere more 
 strikingly illustrated than amid the scenes of Nature. 
 At every period of our lives, 
 
 " the air, the fruit, the flower, 
 Doth own to us a high, superior charm." 
 
 And this power is apparent at every changing season. 
 
 " Mark the soul's radiance, in the wintry hour, 
 Fling a sweet summer halo round us, warm." 
 And 
 
 " when nature dresses, 
 There seems a kindly feeling in it, as though 
 A spirit of goodness peeped from out the earth 
 To shield decay." 
 
 Nothing is better suited to awaken spiritual feel- 
 ings than communion with the works of God. The 
 smallest child can comprehend the need of sun and
 
 RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 177 
 
 showers, of light and warmth, to call forth the ver- 
 dure of spring. He can see, that, without these, man 
 would toil on the earth in vain. And he can be 
 made early to feel what a debt we owe to the Au- 
 thor of these gifts. He has but to pass a few years 
 on this planet, when the mighty truth will dawn upon 
 him, that day and night, seed-time and harvest, cold 
 and heat, run a never-tiring, never-failing round ; 
 and he will see the finger of God so moving this 
 earthly ball as to produce these grand results. 
 
 "I shall not be contradicted," says Paley, "when 
 I say that, if one train of thinking be more desirable 
 than another, it is that which regards the phenomena 
 of nature with a constant reference to a supreme, in- 
 telligent Author. The world thenceforth becomes a 
 temple, and life itself one continued act of adora- 
 tion." What, then, so important as the cultivation 
 of this spirit in childhood ? The man may dwell in 
 the very midst of these glorious tokens of God's 
 presence and goodness, and still never feel their 
 power. Habit may blunt his perceptions ; sensuality 
 may dim his spirit ; care and labor may engross his 
 whole being. How essential, therefore, is it, to pre- 
 occupy the mind in youth with this sublime subject ! 
 
 If I regarded the happiness of my child alone, I 
 would cherish in him a love of Nature. For in all 
 years it affords the pure taste an exquisite pleasure 
 to visit her green fields, and walk through her deep 
 forests, and wander by her silvery streams. There 
 12
 
 178 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 is no joy beyond his who looks lovingly on the 
 ever-rolling heavens and the dear, old moon, with her 
 starry train. Deep and substantial are his gratifica- 
 tions, who delights at times to flee from the hum and 
 fret of the busy world, and listen to the wood-bird 
 wild, and gather the gentle flowers, and inhale the 
 delicious perfumes, of each blossoming tree and 
 shrub. Majestic are his thoughts, and noble his 
 pleasures, who looks out with sympathy on the migh- 
 ty ocean, and bathes his spirit in the music of its 
 world-filling symphonies. But higher, because ho- 
 lier, is his joy, who, as he luxuriates amid the riches 
 of nature, feels in every scene the silent and sacred 
 aspiration, " My Father made them all." 
 
 As a moral safeguard, I would cherish in the 
 young a love of Nature. When they have once 
 drank in her beauty, the scenes of folly and guilt be- 
 come less and less attractive to them. She inspires 
 a taste for tranquil joys ; and amid her soothing in- 
 fluences the boy is happy, and the youth never thirsts 
 for the exciting and corrupting pleasures of the inebri- 
 ate and the gamester and the debauchee. Cherish in 
 your daughter a love of flowers, those apostles of 
 piety and purity ; give her a little plot in the garden 
 to cultivate for herself. Take your children to ride, 
 now in midwinter, when the snows are preaching 
 their spiritual discourses, and the ice-king celebrates 
 his coronation, and now when the leaf and bud are 
 bursting their cerements. Walk with them in sunny
 
 RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 179 
 
 days, when the bee and the bird chant their rich an- 
 thems, and fill their souls with the glorious hues of 
 the autumn foliage, and with the rainbow-tints of its 
 manifold fruits. Let the heart be thus early pre- 
 occupied by the works of God, and it is thrice armed 
 against the pollutions of society. The memory of 
 these delicious hours will go with your children as a 
 talisman amid future temptations, and to their last 
 hour they will turn gratefully to those pleasant scenes 
 associated with parental and fraternal forms, and with 
 youthful recreations that leave no sting behind. 
 
 We have an aid to spiritual instruction furnished 
 by that love of the forms and institutions of religion 
 which is so natural in childhood. Some contend 
 that a child should not be taken to church before he 
 can understand the sermon. To such I would say, 
 that if the habit of attending church is ever to be 
 formed, it can be done most easily in childhood. 
 How often do we hear it said, " I was brought up 
 to go to church from a child ; the question was never 
 asked whether I should go or not, and therefore I 
 love to go now." We should " choose " for our 
 children, as for ourselv.es, " what is most proper ; 
 custom will render it most agreeable." As respects 
 a child's not understanding the sermon, I would an- 
 swer, that we go to church, or should go, to worship, 
 not primarily to hear a sermon. The little child 
 should be taught this, and he should be led to prac- 
 tise accordingly. He can enter into the spirit of the
 
 180 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 prayer and of the singing, if he does not understand 
 their words, and it is good to bring him into the at- 
 mosphere of these sacred services. 
 
 Besides, there are few who do not enjoy at that 
 period attendance at church. The varying exercises 
 of the prayer, the sacred song, and the sermon, at- 
 tract and interest them. Let this disposition be sed- 
 ulously encouraged. Teach your children to join in 
 each portion of the services ; never allow them to go 
 to church for the sake of conversation while there, 
 or to read a book, or gaze listlessly around them. 
 They should reverence the sanctuary, and realize 
 while there, if they do not anywhere else that the 
 eye of God is upon them. Lead them by your own 
 example to prize these religious privileges. I can- 
 not but think, that, did parents frequent the church 
 constantly themselves, and speak of it as a privilege, 
 and talk with their children about the discourse, they 
 might make it the centre of a life-enduring interest ; 
 and its doors would thus be thronged with regular 
 and earnest worshippers, and preachers would be 
 cheered and people quickened to an unaccustomed 
 devoutness ; and so in the end not only the church, 
 but the world, would become consecrated ground. 
 
 The children in our age are connected almost uni- 
 versally with the Sunday school. The good this 
 will accomplish depends, however, very much on 
 the parent. If fathers and mothers exert themselves 
 to send their children constantly, and if they coop-
 
 RELIGIOUS EDUCATION . 181 
 
 erate with the teacher by frequent conversations at 
 home on the exercises of the school, then this insti- 
 tution will be a nursery of genuine piety. It will lay 
 deep the foundations, and build high the walls, of 
 these living temples of God. But the mere exist- 
 ence of a Sunday school in a parish cannot save our 
 youth ; it exerts no spell, it cannot coerce the chil- 
 dren ; it is but a voluntary agency. 
 
 We have the testimony of a minister at large, 
 showing that the Sunday school may fail of its end. 
 " I have repeatedly interrogated on this point," he 
 says, " even the lads and others who have been ar- 
 raigned as offenders against our laws ; and it is sel- 
 dom that they have not acknowledged themselves, or 
 been proved, on satisfactory evidence, to have been 
 no strangers within the walls of a Sabbath school." 
 What a startling fact is this ! It shows clearly that 
 we cannot lean on the Sunday school, as many ap- 
 parently now do, with safety, for the whole moral 
 and religious education of our youth. It reveals a 
 fearful amount of parental delinquency, and shows 
 that home may counteract the best of other institu- 
 tions for the young. 
 
 When all it calls upon meet the demand, when 
 our young men and young women are encouraged 
 and induced to take classes in the school for their 
 own moral benefit, as well as the children's, it does 
 great good. But when fathers and mothers sacrifice 
 somewhat of their own comfort and convenience,
 
 182 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 and come joyfully to the work of the Sunday school, 
 and carry forward also the same work at the fireside, 
 then it is a blessed institution ; then we cannot easily 
 exaggerate its beneBcent influence. 
 
 The failures of the Sunday school may be traced 
 to what I regard as a growing error in all our sys- 
 tems of education. It is the evil of placing the cul- 
 ture of the intellect higher than that of the affections, 
 and of the moral and religious character in general. 
 Milton affirms that " all wickedness is weakness " ; 
 this is substantially true. It is in vain to load the 
 intellect with knowledge, or to develop any of its 
 powers, if you leave the spiritual nature unaffected. 
 The knowledge of God is the highest knowledge ; 
 and that is to be gained not so much from books as 
 from religious culture and personal piety. Unless 
 you add to his Sunday-school instructions a corre- 
 sponding development of a child's moral and relig- 
 ious principles, you do very little to secure him 
 against temptation and sin. Hand in hand with his 
 mental improvement should go the progress of his 
 character in piety, purity, and love. He should re- 
 flect as much as he reads, and learn to do right as 
 he advances from stage to stage in his religious les- 
 sons. 
 
 Having spoken of the hours a child passes at 
 church and in the Sunday school, the question sug- 
 gests itself, How shall he occupy the remaining part 
 of the Sabbath ? I would say, let Sunday be made
 
 RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 183 
 
 a pleasant day, and combine with this influence as 
 much profit as possible. This day should be marked 
 by some difference from all others. Take the low- 
 est view of it, regard it only as a period for rest, 
 and you must distinguish it from that portion of time 
 devoted to labor. The first thing to be secured is 
 quiet. If there be loud conversation, noisy move- 
 ments, a bustle with playthings, then the Sabbath is, 
 to all good purposes, obliterated. 
 
 The day was given to refresh and elevate the 
 mind. It is not, then, sufficient to keep it by absti- 
 nence from manual labor, and by bodily repose. We 
 need also " a Sabbath of the sow/." Consequent- 
 ly, children should not be permitted to read frivolous 
 books. If the novel be laid aside on this day by the 
 Christian adult, as it is presumed to be, why should 
 the trifling story-book be given to the child ? Keep 
 in mind that Sunday is for the spirit as well as the 
 body, and you can easily decide how a child ought 
 to spend it. What- he does outwardly is not the 
 whole, nor the best part, of his observance of the 
 day. A walk at sunset, amid the fair works of God, 
 or a visit to a sick or a poor neighbour, will often do 
 a child as much spiritual good as the sanctuary or the 
 Sunday-school hours. Let the day be filled up with 
 a variety of employments ; it matters little what the 
 particular act is, so it be quiet, and tend to purify the 
 heart, lifting it toward the Father, and enlarging its 
 love to man.
 
 184 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 C"~ Some of us have happy reminiscences of an hour 
 spent each Sunday, while we were children, in re- 
 peating hymns together in the family circle. We re- 
 member the venerated form of a father, as he direct- 
 ed the exercise, and the dear face and pleasant tones 
 of a prompter mother. There, also, sat brothers 
 and sisters, some of whom are now parted by seas 
 or lands from that early home, and some have gone 
 up to that long home where we hope to meet again 
 and reunite our voices in sacred exercises. Let us 
 prepare our own children to join in that heavenly 
 service. We shall thus add a new and unfading as 
 sociation, one as pure as it is sweet, to the memories 
 of home. 
 
 For many reasons, children should be encouraged 
 to store their minds well with sacred poetry. They 
 will find, as we often have, that a verse of some 
 hymn, learned in childhood, will come up occasion- 
 ally to fill a vacant moment, to soothe us in the 
 night-season to sleep, or to arm us in the morning 
 for the work we are to do. These treasures are 
 dwelt upon in moments of suffering, gloom, and anx- 
 iety. They recur to us in bereavement and afflic- 
 tion ; they lead us to penitence and peace ; they 
 arouse the spirit to fortitude ; they often renew, and 
 sometimes create, a beautiful trust in Providence. 
 The hymn they learned at home will be a talisman 
 to our children, it may be their spiritual men- 
 tor through life. Let us not leave it to the
 
 RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 185 
 
 Sunday school alone, nor to any one beyond our 
 own fireside, to provide for them this precious pos- 
 session. 
 
 We are led naturally to say here, that nothing 
 can supersede the demand for daily personal relig- 
 ious instruction on the part of the parent. The 
 idea of God should be blended with every event 
 in the life of a child. It is not by set lectures or 
 forced conversations, but by casual remarks, that the 
 most permanent impressions are made on the mind. 
 The conscience of the child is always active, and, 
 did the parent watch its operations, a single word 
 might often turn the current toward God and the 
 right. Has your son done wrong, at the quiet hour 
 of his retiring to rest, speak of it as displeasing to his 
 Father in heaven. Then conscience is tender, and 
 your admonition will sink into the springs of his 
 being and action. Accustom him to blend the 
 thoughts of heaven and immortality with pleasant 
 scenes. Whenever he is happy, introduce allusions 
 to our Heavenly Father, trace his every experi- 
 ence up to that kind Being. Do not reserve all ref- 
 erence to religion to times of sorrow, bereavement, 
 and grief, but connect it with gladsome events. It 
 will then present itself naturally in the hour of trouble. 
 That Divine face will be familiar, and that spirit- 
 voice will soothe and sustain amid the deep waters, 
 and the feeble one shall not sink, but rise and re- 
 ceive a new spiritual vigor.
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. CONTINUED. 
 
 I AM prompted in this place to speak of the sub- 
 ject of death. This event is invested by most 
 Christians with gloom and terror. It is represented 
 in an entirely different aspect from that given to it 
 by our Saviour. We profess to believe that the de- 
 parted good are still alive, and are in a happier and 
 better world. Yet we clothe ourselves in black, and 
 shun the room where they died ; we speak of them 
 with compassion, as if a calamity had befallen them ; 
 and we utter heart-rending sobs, and suffer our tears 
 to flow without restraint. 
 
 But if a departed friend has merely passed on, 
 gone to ^he spirit-land a little before us, why should 
 we speak and appear and feel as though the separa- 
 tion was eternal ? Our children receive only the 
 darkest impressions of death from our deportment. 
 Can we not do something to change this melancholy 
 condition of the Christian world ? Shall we not ex- 
 ert ourselves to present more elevated and spiritual 
 views of the dead to the young ?
 
 RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 187 
 
 Let the parent revolve frequently in his mind 
 these great truths. Death is not the extinction of 
 our being ; it is only one among several changes 
 through which we pass. All must die ; why, then, 
 should we not treat this event as a natural one, and 
 speak of it familiarly ? If we are virtuous and de- 
 vout, death will be to us a blessed change. To go 
 to our Father in heaven, to see and dwell with Je- 
 sus, to meet the best men who have ever lived, to 
 be reunited to our lost relatives and friends, what 
 is it but a privilege ? It will, indeed, give us grief to 
 part from the dear ones we leave behind ; but how 
 short will be our separation ! We cannot but weep 
 over the dead, but it should be only with modera- 
 tion, as for a brief absence on a journey. 
 
 There are but two things which can account for 
 the terrors we now feel at the thought of death. 
 The first is, a sense of unfitness for the exchange of 
 worlds ; " the sting of death," so far as this view 
 is concerned, " is sin." But a comparatively small 
 share of our gloom comes from that source. Most 
 of us do not dread so much to be dead as to die. 
 This dread is, to a great extent, unnatural, and pro- 
 duced by circumstances within our control. 
 
 The second cause of our terror is an injudicious 
 education. Why do so many pious people, who 
 have a firm trust in God, fear to die ? It may be 
 partly constitutional, but it is far more the result of 
 early associations. Darkness and gloom, and a mys-
 
 188 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 terious terror, were written on the faces of their par- 
 ents and teachers at the mention of death. Hence 
 they now strive in vain to array it with cheerfulness. 
 Reason and religion are too feeble to do this ; and 
 their only resource is to drive the subject from their 
 thoughts as far as possible. They are unwilling to 
 speak of the death of a relative, still more of their 
 own dissolution. They cannot, perhaps, bring them- 
 selves to adjust their affairs by making a will. They 
 feel an invincible repugnance at considering anything 
 even remotely connected with this banished topic. 
 
 Let us earnestly hope that our children are not to 
 be trained up in this servile fear of death. Its ten- 
 dency is to prevent all meditation on a future state, 
 to throw a shade over every path of life, to enfeeble 
 the mind, and to depress the whole character. That 
 a child might be so educated as to escape these 
 mournful evils is evident. Miss Hamilton gives us 
 two examples, in her work on education, which show 
 that this is practicable. 
 
 The first is that of a noble lady, who received in 
 infancy an impression of terror at death ; and this 
 impression was aggravated by injudicious language in 
 the nursery, until this event became associated with 
 all the images of horror which her imagination could 
 conceive. This effect was never afterward re- 
 moved, although she possessed a strong mind, and 
 had received a superior education. 
 
 " Exemplary in the performance of every relig-
 
 RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 189 
 
 ious and social duty, full of faith and good works," 
 yet " she never dared to dart a glance of hope be- 
 yond the tomb. And when sickness brought the 
 subject to her view, her whole soul was involved in 
 a tumult of horror and dismay. It became the busi- 
 ness of her family and friends to devise methods of 
 concealing from her " the least " real danger. Ev- 
 ery face was then dressed in forced smiles, and every 
 tongue employed in the repetition of flattering false- 
 hoods. To mention the death of any person in her 
 presence became a sort of petit treason in her fam- 
 ily. She might, indeed, be said 
 
 ' To die a thousand deaths in fearing one.' 
 
 And she had often suffered much more from the ap- 
 prehension, than she could have suffered from the 
 most agonizing torture that ever attended the hour of 
 dissolution." 
 
 Let us now look at a case of an opposite charac- 
 ter. A lady, whose cheerfulness and composure, on 
 the threatened approach of death, was spoken of in 
 her presence with admiration, remarked thus : 
 " The fortitude you so highly applaud, I indeed ac- 
 knowledge as the first and greatest of blessings ; for 
 to it I owe the enjoyment of all the mercies which a 
 good Providence has graciously mingled in the cup 
 of suffering. But I take no merit to myself on its 
 account. It is not, as you suppose, the magnan- 
 imous effort of reason ; and however it may be sup-
 
 190 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 ported by that religious principle which inspires hope 
 and teaches resignation, while I see those who are 
 my superiors in every Christian grace and virtue ap- 
 palled by the terrors of death, I cannot attribute my 
 superior fortitude to religion alone. For that forti- 
 tude I am, under God, chiefly indebted to the judi- 
 cious friend of my infancy, who made the idea of 
 death not only familiar, but pleasant, to my imagina- 
 tion. The sudden death of an elderly lady, to whom 
 I was much attached, gave her an opportunity, be- 
 fore I had attained my sixth year, of impressing this 
 subject on my mind in the most agreeable colors." 
 
 The world is full of instances that show the power 
 we have over children, to excite or to allay in them 
 a thousand petty alarms and foolish fears and ground- 
 less apprehensions. We should cultivate in them an 
 habitual calmness and tranquillity of temper. This 
 will do much to prepare them to take right views of 
 death. It is well to take a child to funerals quite 
 young, and to explain to him, as early as possible, 
 all you can in relation to the departed. ^ Were these 
 occasions conducted more in the spirit of Christian- 
 ity, it would be easy to give our children correct im- 
 pressions on this subject. Suppose the relatives of 
 the deceased were to dress in light instead of dark 
 garments, and to think and speak, not of their own 
 loss, but of the gain of the ascended one ; suppose 
 the coffin was laid on a bright hearse, and covered 
 with a white pall, and the pastor should speak and
 
 RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 191 
 
 pray as Jesus would, and turn off the mind from the 
 body, and fasten it upon the spirit ; how much 
 would these few changes do to take away the gloom 
 which now gathers around the grave ! 
 
 I rejoice that in 'this age we see, in many instan- 
 ces, the body surrounded with fair flowers, and our 
 cemeteries adorned and made cheerful. Let all our 
 arrangements in relation to the dead correspond with 
 this grateful change. Let no word or look come in 
 to mar this new impression. Parents cannot expend 
 too much thought on this topic. Did they give their 
 children no other instruction, they would do well in 
 giving them bright views of death. Could they train 
 them no farther, this were a blessed work to raise 
 them so near to their Saviour that they should be 
 " delivered from the bondage of the fear of death." 
 
 Do not dwell on general topics, but be minute and 
 particular ; the bread of heaven must be broken into 
 small fragments, or it will not nourish a child. You 
 may say to him, God is good ; but that is a vague 
 idea. Show him how the hand of God gave him 
 some particular thing, raised him from sickness, or 
 saved him in danger ; this is a definite object, and 
 he will never forget the occasion. The inductive 
 method, as in philosophy, so in education, is the only 
 safe method. It is the only course to render a child 
 sincerely pious. He can be made to repeat cate- 
 chisms, and go over dogmas and abstractions inter- 
 minably, and yet not one genuine emotion of love to
 
 192 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 God be awakened by it in his breast. He is then 
 the mere echo of your voice ; you make him ex- 
 press what he never yet felt. Shun this fatal error ; 
 whatever he repeats or does or says in the name of 
 God and Christ, be sure it comes from the heart. 
 And, to gain that assurance, let his own life be the 
 great mine where you dig for the heavenly treasure. 
 Connect what he has himself seen, heard, thought, 
 and felt with your religious instructions, and you im- 
 bed them in his character. 
 
 The remarks now made apply with great force to 
 the exercise of prayer. Children usually take pleas- 
 ure in the repetition of forms ; but let it not be the 
 mere form which excites their interest. This can be 
 easily avoided ; for how often do we see a little 
 child, whose intellect is yet undeveloped, become ir- 
 radiated with light and beauty, while he pours forth 
 his own happy prayers ! He will take pleasure in 
 repeating after you the simple form, " Now I lay me 
 down to sleep." And soon he loves to express his 
 prayer in his own language. I have heard of a little 
 girl who knelt down of her own accord, when un- 
 dressed to go to bed, and said, " Our Father who 
 art in heaven, forgive me for striking my little broth- 
 er to-day, and help me not to strike him again ; for 
 O, if he should die, how sorry I should be that I 
 struck him." 
 
 It is well to teach children to follow us in prayer, 
 word by word ; yet let us never end with this. I
 
 RELIG.OUS EDUCATION. 193 
 
 would have a child taught to pray in his own lan- 
 guage also. Let the form lead him up to a still 
 higher elevation. When he has the spirit of prayer, 
 the form becomes sanctified. Unite the two meth- 
 ods, and you teach him to pray without ceasing. 
 
 " Hold the little hands in prayer, teach the weak knees their 
 
 kneeling ; 
 Let him see thee speaking to thy God ; he will not forget it 
 
 afterward ; 
 When old and gray will he feelingly remember a mother's 
 
 tender piety, 
 And the touching recollection of her prayers shall arrest the 
 
 strong man in his sin." 
 
 I close this enumeration of the instrumentalities of 
 domestic religion by recommending to the parent an 
 habitual reference to the Bible, as a light and support 
 in the discharge of his arduous duties. That should 
 be the code from w r hich he draws his every rule and 
 precept, and the sanction he refers to at all times. 
 Present Jesus Christ as the model for your child, 
 and induce him to prize the record of his life, to 
 reverence his character, to be grateful for his sacri- 
 fice, and love his memory. 
 
 A love of the Bible should be cherished in child- 
 hood. That book should be held up as the banner 
 of success, both for this life and the life to come. 
 To how many has it brought treasures, by its influ- 
 ence on their principles and character, on earth as 
 well as in heaven ! We are told of a certain Quaker 
 13
 
 194 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 in France, that he was once waited upon by four of 
 his workmen, to receive their usual new year's gifts. 
 " Well, my friends," said he, "here are your gifts ; 
 choose either fifteen francs or the Bible." "I don't 
 know how to read," said the first, " so I take the 
 fifteen francs." " I can read," said the second, 
 " but I have pressing wants." He then took the 
 money. The third also made the same choice. 
 He now came to the fourth, a lad of about fourteen. 
 The Quaker looked at him and asked, " Will you 
 take these three pieces, which you can earn any time 
 by your labor ? " " As you say the book is good," 
 replied the boy, " I will take it, and read it to my 
 mother." He took the Bible, opened it, and fou-id 
 between the leaves a gold piece of forty francs. 
 How few lads would have done like him ! and yet, 
 by taking that Bible, he made himself richer than his 
 associates, for this world no less than the next. 
 
 Parents, do all in your power to make your chil- 
 dren love this precious volume better than silver and 
 gold. For this purpose, read it with them, not in 
 course, but with wise selections. Let it not be a 
 strange work, but let it be adverted to, its authority 
 recognized, and its spirit imbibed continually. Nev- 
 er allow the flashy literature of the day to crowd out 
 the sacred volume. Remember that what the spinal 
 column is to the body, its main pillar, its prime 
 support, its life-channel, the Bible is to the soul 
 of your child.
 
 RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 195 
 
 And here the question may be raised, " What 
 doctrines are we to teach our children from the Bi- 
 ble ? " Some may ask, " Shall we teach them any 
 doctrines whatever ? " I reply, that every child 
 should be taught absolute doctrines, that is, religious 
 truths. But the less of controversial doctrines we 
 inculcate especially upon young children the 
 better. Give them distinct ideas in regard to God, 
 and Christ, and man, and their various relations to 
 each other. But let these ideas be taken fresh from 
 the Bible itself, not from any creed, or any church, 
 or any sect upon earth. We should never embarrass 
 a child with conflicting dogmas. It is better to give 
 him one single, simple view of a divine truth, and let 
 his mind rest on that. 
 
 " Whose view," it will be asked, " shall we give 
 him ? " We can honestly give him no other than 
 our own. What seems to us, after a diligent and 
 prayerful search of the Scriptures, to be true, that 
 we should teach our children. It may not be the 
 pure truth ; but if it is as pure as we can obtain, that 
 is sufficient. Let the child receive it at first, as he 
 does other things from us, on authority. If we teach 
 him error, he will have an opportunity in future years 
 to detect it. And it is better to teach a child some 
 errors, than to give him no truth. It is a sad mis- 
 take,, and a calamity to the character, to have no 
 clear views of religious truth implanted in child- 
 hood.
 
 196 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 But while we impart truth to the mind, let us fill 
 the heart also with charity. A child should be made 
 to believe that there are Christians in all denomina- 
 tions, and that he is never to avoid another person, 
 or to feel unkindly toward him, on account of his re- 
 ligious opinions. Infuse early into the spirit a tol- 
 erancfe as broad as that felt by our Saviour toward 
 the Samaritan and the heathen ; and let this liberal 
 temper shine out from your own heart and conversa- 
 tion. We may derive great aid in this course from 
 the growing liberality of the Christian community. 
 Less and less is thought of creeds, and more and 
 more of character, every year that passes. So may 
 it ever be ; while we seek the truth, and lead our 
 children also to do it, let us. be careful to grow in 
 charity. We can promote this good cause by en- 
 couraging them to associate with those of different 
 denominations. Let them join, too, in the philan- 
 thropic enterprises of the day. Children who feel a 
 common interest in temperance, freedom, and peace, 
 in relieving the poor, reforming the vicious, and as- 
 sisting all who suffer, cannot be deeply estranged by 
 a mere diversity of doctrinal opinions. 
 
 Let religion be presented to your children, not 
 as a thing to be simply respected, but as a personal, 
 individual concern ; not as an occasional visitor, 
 but as an ever-present friend, a never-failing guide. 
 The master painter always has one figure in his 
 group around which all the rest cluster, and to which
 
 RELIGIOUS IDUCATION. 197 
 
 the eye ever returns. Let personal piety be the cen- 
 tral figure in the character of your child. The 
 world, its gains, honors, pleasures, may wait round 
 it, and while they do its bidding they fill their place. 
 But woe to that youth who puts either of these as 
 the central figure in his life-picture ! It is sad to 
 think how often this is done ; it is mournful to wit- 
 ness these attempts to unite God and Mammon, the 
 flesh and the spirit, self and duty. 
 
 " God and the world we worship both together ; 
 Draw not our laws to him, but his to ours ; 
 Untrue to both, so prosperous in neither, 
 The imperfect will brings forth but barren flowers." 
 
 Do not encourage in your child this fatal compro- 
 mise. Set up religion as supreme ; let the question 
 never be raised, " Which am I to take, God or 
 man, for my guide ? " Show him the Father, habit- 
 ually, and say, " There is your law." 
 
 And, to give effect to your instructions, take that 
 holy Being as your own monitor and guide. You 
 can do little without personal religion. How can 
 you render these children grateful to God, if you 
 never feel that gratitude yourself ? The words of 
 pious instruction will often freeze on your lips ; your 
 very countenance will betray the coldness of your 
 heart. But, O, if you first love and live in the Fa- 
 ther, then when you speak of him to your child 
 your face will be as the face of an angel. Nay, your 
 very silence will be eloquent with instruction ; for he
 
 198 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 sees God in your eye, and reads of him in your ev- 
 ery feature. 
 
 Now, then, while the wax is warm, set the seal of 
 God in these youthful hearts. If you do not feel 
 qualified to teach them of heavenly things, enter the 
 great normal school of Jesus Christ, and begin your 
 preparation. Life is short, and why should you de- 
 lay ? Be pious yourself, and ask the Father, and he 
 will enable you to render them pious also. Then 
 will they be fitted for the stern tasks of this life ; and 
 honor, virtue, success, and well-doing will be their 
 meed at every stage. Or if they be taken early 
 from you, they shall go forth in celestial apparel, and 
 with praise on their faltering tongues. Or if you be 
 called first, you will enjoy the sweet recollection of 
 a persevering fidelity in training them up for earth 
 and for heaven. And, as scene after scene fades 
 from your vision, and the ties to this world, .one and 
 another, seem to fail and break, the last will be that 
 which binds you to your children ; and as that link, 
 too, is being severed, you will trustfully commit 
 them to that Divine Parent with whose guardian love 
 they are already filled, and who assures you he will 
 be their deliverer in the temptations of life, their 
 refuge in its storms, and their high and unending 
 reward.
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 DOMESTIC WORSHIP. 
 
 IT is an ancient custom, to be traced back to that 
 thrice-happy family who dwelt in Eden, and contin- 
 ued down through patriarchs, prophets, and kings, 
 for the master of each household to offer up with 
 them, morning and evening, the incense of prayer 
 unto God. The custom was sanctioned from above, 
 and is beautiful in itself. What, indeed, is more 
 natural, what more becoming or more truly beneficial, 
 than worship at the family altar ? In attempting to 
 enumerate its advantages, one is soon lost amid their 
 numbers and claims. 
 
 Here is a circle who share the same mercies from 
 Heaven, surround one board, mingle in common in- 
 terests, pleasures, and pursuits. They rise in the 
 morning, and go forth to their labors from a single 
 abode. When evening comes on, they gather them- 
 selves together and lie down in their dwelling be- 
 neath the same sheltering wing. And can they 
 withhold their gratitude ? Can they, if they con- 
 sider their condition, go each to the duties of the
 
 200 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 day, unmindful of the Father of them all ? Does 
 no inward monitor bid them assemble for prayer ? 
 Shall there be no act by which they recognize their 
 common dependence upon God ? And when the 
 toils of the day are over, does not nature call upon 
 them to commit themselves, by some general, social 
 service, to the care of Him who never slumbers or 
 sleeps ? Is it enough, even, that each retire to his 
 closet, and send up his petitions and acknowledg- 
 ments in solitude ? O, no ! Religion, reason even, 
 says no. Wisdom herself crieth at their doors, " Let 
 there be some voice of thanksgiving ascending in the 
 name of them all to Him who has watched and pre- 
 served and blessed them together. 'Let him who is 
 placed in Providence at the head of these brethren 
 speak unto the Lord in their behalf, and bear up for 
 them a token of praise and love." 
 
 In a family are found individuals who have equal 
 wants. They all need daily the bounties of God, 
 life, health, friends, peace of mind, the possession 
 oF reason and conscience, and a mutual love. And 
 these are the most precious of all human possessions. 
 How befitting their relation, then, that they present, 
 each day that returns, their united and hearty peti- 
 tions for these gifts ! Shall the morning dew, as it 
 ascends on high, bear up no holy words from them ? 
 Shall the setting sun, the hour of nightfall, and the 
 season for rest, pass by, and they remain prayerless ? 
 A large portion of our blessings consist of social
 
 DOMESTIC WORSHIP. 201 
 
 enjoyments, and all of them derive, to some ex- 
 tent, their value and relish from being shared with 
 others. Can we, then, keep .silence before Him 
 who gives us all we have ? Nay, if our minds per- 
 ceive their wants, and our hearts feel how much we 
 owe to our Universal Father, we shall be constrained 
 to join in prayer. We shall sometimes, in a full 
 view of our heaven-born happiness, feel that we can- 
 not withhold a tribute of gratitude and praise for this 
 happiness. 
 
 How much, again, do their united devotions serve 
 to promote a spirit of forbearance and forgiveness 
 among those who are of one household. There is 
 much in our intercourse even with those nearest our- 
 selves, that demands a kind and patient temper. 
 Our opinions sometimes differ. Our constitutional 
 temperaments and our natural dispositions are of all 
 possible varieties. If there be no one in the circle 
 who strives to ward off exciting topics, none to yield 
 contested points, and none who are willing to bear 
 and forbear, who does not see that in many instances 
 a house must be divided against itself ? But on 
 whom does this duty devolve ? Not, surely, upon 
 a portion of the family alone. The mere fact that a 
 particular individual is the oldest, or the head of the 
 family, does not exempt him from mildness and con- 
 cessions. Still less, because he has superior strength, 
 does Christianity allow hi.n to trample on the feelings, 
 or disregard the comfort, of all under his roof. No ;
 
 202 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 the youngest and the feeblest has rights, .no less than 
 himself. But how shall he be persuaded of this ? 
 How, rather, shall he be prevented from ever usurp- 
 ing what belongs unto them all ? We answer, Let 
 there be an altar set up in that house, and let the 
 master of the family go daily unto it. With meek- 
 ness and confession let him pour forth his soul with 
 theirs. Let him remind himself that his Master also 
 is in heaven, and that there all are servants of that 
 Being. He now takes the very readiest course to 
 maintain and magnify the spirit of good-will and 
 charity, not only in himself, but in the bosoms of all 
 who respond to his prayer. 
 
 It is a law of Christianity that we love one anoth- 
 er. But in a family there are influences which tend 
 to make us regardless of this duty. Children are 
 exposed to a spirit of envy ; they think, perhaps, 
 that a brother or sister receives more of a parent's 
 favor than themselves. And the father is prone to 
 give occasion for this murmur, or the mother selects 
 some one as her favorite, and leaves the others to 
 suffer by her partiality. Now this partiality is a vio- 
 lation of the commands of Scripture. And it is not 
 a trifling fault, something of which we may say, 
 " I know it is wrong, but still I cannot help it." 
 No, this and every other form of self-love or 
 rather I would say, for such is its root, of selfish- 
 ness must be banished from our families. The 
 only inquiry with a true follower of Christ will be,
 
 DOMESTIC WORSHIP. 203 
 
 " How can I amend and forsake this fault ? " We 
 answer, By united prayer. Parents, go with your 
 offspring, children, go with each other, to the God 
 of all hearts. Bow as one ; confess your common 
 transgressions, and ask for defence against your com- 
 mon temptations. Then may you hope for that 
 11 wisdom from above, which is full of good fruits, 
 without envy, and without partiality." 
 
 Family devotion interrupts that tone of earthliness 
 which so easily pervades those hearts which are nev- 
 er led statedly to meditate upon the spiritual world. 
 Amid the pressure of business, we find not seldom 
 that even our most lonely and sacred hours are dis- 
 turbed by schemes of a worldly nature. It is right 
 that while the day lasts we should work with our 
 might. But it is not right that we commence these 
 labors without seeking the guidance of God. It is 
 not right that we close our eyes before giving thanks 
 for our success to Him who has sent it. Yet, frail 
 mortals, we are easily borne away from all heavenly 
 aspirations ! Almost insensibly, we pass through 
 the day without having God in our thoughts. 
 
 So is the world forming a crust over our spirits. 
 And if we do not begin to break through it now, the 
 chance is nay, the certainty will soon be that of 
 us it shall ere long be said, " Can the Ethiopian 
 change his skin, or the leopard his spots ? " What, 
 then, shall we do to check this polluting torrent ? 
 How are we effectually to break that iron band
 
 204 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 which our daily occupation is binding around us ? 
 I answer. Among other means, introduce the accus- 
 tomed, regular approach unto a spiritual Father. 
 That family who truly and heartily unite in a prayer 
 take to themselves weapons from the armory of 
 God. They go not forth in their own strength ; 
 they each feel, as they turn from that holy service, 
 that they are not alone, but the Father is with them. 
 In the transactions of the day, amid the tumult of 
 life, the thought ever and anon steals through their 
 minds, I must buy as though I possessed not ; I 
 must use this world as not abusing it, for the fashion 
 thereof passeth away. And, should some besetting 
 sin threaten their virtue, and almost overwhelm their 
 sternest resolution, a still, small voice comes on their 
 ear, "How .will you appear with that stain upon 
 you at the hour of your family devotions ? " And 
 thus an arm is let down from above, and we are 
 saved as by fire. 
 
 Domestic worship establishes among the members 
 of a family a pure standard of conduct. By our ha- 
 bitual intercourse in society, we are extremely prone 
 to derive our rules from abroad, and refer our ac- 
 tions to the world. We are hardly aware how ex- 
 clusively we lean on the approbation of man. It 
 would amaze us, were it not for the very familiarity 
 of the practice, that beings who profess a belief in 
 God, a sense of accountableness to him, and a con- 
 viction of their own immortality, should live so com-
 
 DOMESTIC WORSHIP. 205 
 
 pletely regardless of these great truths in their daily 
 deportment. Creatures of yesterday, the bounds 
 of whose habitation on earth are fixed, secure not 
 even of to-morrow's sun, we still move and speak 
 and appear like men sure of inhabiting these bodies 
 for ever. Let us subscribe to what doctrine we 
 may, our actione are continually saying, " My moun- 
 tain shall stand ; I shall never go hence." 
 
 Now this course is mournfully wrong. It is faith- 
 lessness to our Master ; and if not speedily changed, 
 it will bring disaster and woe upon ourselves. But 
 how shall we break from the tyranny of human opin- 
 ion, and of things seen and heard, and make God 
 and his holy revelation our practical guide ? I be- 
 lieve that nothing will so strengthen us in this task as 
 sincere domestic prayer. 
 
 The great trials of the Christian come upon him 
 while abroad. He needs, therefore, a preparation 
 for them at home. He must take the shield of faith 
 from his own fireside. He must see that his princi- 
 ples are so firm that the gates of sin are not likely to 
 prevail against them. In the business of the day his 
 temper will be tried, his passions often kindling 
 almost to a flame. How can they be calmed and 
 repressed ? There are times when the presence of 
 man will not suffice ; the authority of God will be 
 all which can do it. Let us go from the altar of 
 prayer, our garments fragrant with the odor of its in- 
 cense, and we can repel our tempters, we shall
 
 206 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 say unto every wicked one, " Get thee behind me, 
 for thou savourest not the things which be of God, 
 but the things which be of men." 
 
 Family worship impresses most favorably the 
 younger members who are accustomed to hear it. 
 True, they may, on the introduction of this service, 
 manifest a restlessness or indifference.. But let us not 
 be disheartened by this. As they listen longer to 
 these holy sounds, their ear, and thence their heart, 
 will be won by it. If the father be a sincere worship- 
 per of God, the children will observe it in his man- 
 ner, his voice, his tone and countenance. The very 
 atmosphere they breathe at these seasons will solem- 
 nize their feelings ; and though they should be too 
 young to comprehend his language, they will not be 
 too young to feel it. There will be a sacredness in 
 their view of the act ; and their minds as well as 
 their bodies will be fixed in a reverent posture. 
 
 At times the younger members of the family will 
 hear a parental supplication for themselves. The 
 simple petition, " Bless these our little ones," will 
 arrest their attention and touch their spirits. Can 
 they indeed hearken to one whom they so tenderly 
 love, as he asks that wisdom, knowledge, piety, and 
 all kind affections may descend upon them, without 
 forming a resolution to gain these qualities ? Will 
 not the seriousness of that hour seem to them a mes- 
 sage from above ? 
 
 No one who has marked these sanctifying influen-
 
 DOMESTIC WORSHIP. 207 
 
 ces can doubt that family prayer is among the surest 
 methods of a beneficent Providence for keeping chil- 
 dren in the paths of virtue. And if by some bane- 
 ful cause a son has strayed from a parent's care, and 
 is wasting his time and substance in the ways of 
 wickedness, let him but remember the daily prayer 
 of home, and consider that, as he muses, it may be 
 even now going up on his behalf, and it shall be to 
 him a voice at which his flesh shall tremble, a 
 voice that will cry unto him, in piercing accents, 
 " Son, why hast thou dealt thus with us ? " 
 
 Let fathers reflect, also, how consistent this act 
 would be with their other services for their offspring. 
 We count him, in accordance with the Scriptures, 
 " an infidel," who provides not food for his family. 
 There is not one who would not be shocked at the 
 conduct of him who, to the famishing child that 
 begged of him bread, should offer a stone. What 
 toils and privations and sufferings do parents cheer- 
 fully endure to bring home meat and raiment for their 
 children ! And shall they, as heads of these fam- 
 ilies, do nothing to give them spiritual food ? Will 
 they not so much as implore with them the blessing 
 of God on their worldly labors ? Do not those who 
 neglect family prayer stand condemned of incongru- 
 ous actions out of their own mouths ? I beseech 
 every father of a family to look at our subject in this 
 light, and to say if he believes that the Holy Spirit 
 is a less worthy gift than the things he so faithfully
 
 208 THE CHRISTIAN PABENT. 
 
 provides for his children. O, let not one who es- 
 teems the souls of his offspring at their real value 
 omit to render unto them this great benefit ! Though 
 it cost him, each day he lives, the severest effort to 
 speak unto God in their behalf, let him not so wrong 
 their immortal natures as to refuse to open his lips in 
 prayer with and for them. 
 
 Think, again, of the importance of domestic de- 
 votion in the day of trouble. Your family are all 
 now, it may be, spared to you, and sitting around 
 you in the fulness of health. But will it be always 
 so ? Has it been always so ? There was a time- 
 it can hardly have been otherwise when one of your 
 circle, endeared to you by a thousand ties, was taken 
 from her labors and brought low by disease. It was 
 whispered and you heard the fearful sounds that 
 the symptoms in her case were alarming. You im- 
 agined, in the anguish of the moment, that life to be 
 quenched in death. O, how bitter, how withering, 
 was the thought ! Were you not impelled by some- 
 thing within to look above, to implore the Al- 
 mighty One in mercy to save that life ? Could you 
 meet your family in the morning, and read the silent 
 anxiety that sat on their countenances, without ever 
 wishing to join with them in asking the Preserver of 
 men to stay that disease ? And now, shall another 
 and another be stricken with illness, and you forget 
 those former aspirations ? Will you not to-day heed 
 the admonition you then felt, and set up a family altar ?
 
 DOMESTIC WORSHIP. 209 
 
 And what if our Father in heaven should please, 
 in his unsearchable wisdom, to remove from our fam- 
 ily some one of these our kindred ? We know not 
 how soon we may be robbed of either or all of these 
 treasures. There are those now sitting in solitary 
 places, who were once surrounded by as many and 
 as dear connections as ourselves. If that seat so 
 long occupied at our table shall ere long be vacant, 
 to whom shall we go for consolation ? The waves 
 of sorrow and death are rolling high and terribly 
 around us ! Who can tell that some one may not 
 soon break on our devoted dwelling ? And should 
 it be so, are we ready to unite at our fireside in say- 
 ing, " The will of the Lord be done " ? Father, 
 could you behold that tender child in the destroyer's 
 hand, without desiring to pray, with the wife of your 
 bosom, that you might bear the stroke with Christian 
 submission ? Could you pass through the night of 
 that day which removed him to God, and feel no in- 
 clination to pour forth with those who survive a pe- 
 tition for heavenly support ? O, no ! the depths of 
 your spirit would be so stirred and agitated, your 
 companion would so plead, by her tears, for a com- 
 mon utterance unto God, your little children would 
 look up to you with such entreating eyes, that you 
 would be driven to cry out with them and for them 
 unto the living God. 
 
 Where, indeed, is the husband, the brother, the 
 child, that is not prompted to flee to religion in the 
 14
 
 210 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 hour of affliction ? We feel then, what we per- 
 haps never before felt, that it is faith in Christ, and 
 a communion with his God and our God, which 
 alone give peace amid the bereavements of earth. 
 How often under these events has the Christian min- 
 ister been called to lift up a voice of prayer in abodes 
 where such sounds were altogether strange ! How 
 has he besought that Being, to whom all things are 
 possible, that the angel of death might convert every 
 dwelling it has entered into a house of prayer ! And 
 what consolation has he received in the funeral hour, 
 when he could feel that the friends joined in his pe- 
 titions, as they were wont to day by day, and that 
 he laid not the fire of his devotion on a cold hearth ! 
 In such situations he could say, with unmingled sat- 
 isfaction, " Our friend is not dead, but sleepeth." 
 He is withdrawn, indeed, from our sight, but you 
 and your pastor together feel that he is but raised 
 to a wider mansion in that house you hope soon to 
 reach. 
 
 This brings me to speak of another advantage in 
 the act recommended. Where the head of a family 
 offers up^their daily prayers, religion is habitually felt 
 to be a reality. It is not looked upon as some shad- 
 owy thing, an unaccustomed visitant, that is to enter 
 their house only in sickness and affliction. It has in 
 their minds, as it were, a form and body ; it is an 
 abiding presence. And it needs only to be thus 
 seen and acknowledged, to exert its most renovating
 
 DOMESTIC WORSHIP. 211 
 
 effects. If we join in prayer, our sympathies are 
 strengthened ; we acquire a deeper interest in each 
 other's welfare and progress ; we are less selfish, 
 and more easily led by every other religious service 
 to a holy and benevolent life. 
 
 Nor does the good work terminate here. There 
 grows up between us that regard which exists be- 
 tween fellow-travellers who are to take up their res- 
 idence in some foreign land. We advise each other 
 on the provision we should make for our eternal 
 home. It is with us a settled and solemn convic- 
 tion, that we are strangers and pilgrims here ; and 
 therefore we look for our chief enjoyments with 
 each other to that city whose builder and maker 
 is God. When we say, " We hope to meet in 
 heaven," there is in those few words a rich signif- 
 icance, a spiritual meaning, which the world hath 
 not known. 
 
 But is it not affecting to witness a prayerless 
 family ? The husband and wife, the mother and 
 daughters, hope for a reunion when the day of be- 
 reavement is upon them. Yet in what are they to 
 unite ? Have they any common attachment to in- 
 visible things ? Has any bond been formed between 
 them and the Father ? And how will those harps 
 accord in heaven which were not attuned on earth ? 
 O, then, father, husband, head of that household, 
 stand up before them in the name of the Lord ! 
 Pray now, upon earth, at one and the same altar,
 
 212 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 with these beloved inmates. Then will you go with 
 them to that holy company where you will renew 
 the song which the grave had but interrupted for a 
 season.
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 OBJECTIONS TO FAMILY PRAYER. 
 
 SUFFICIENT, I believe, has now been said, to 
 convince one that in every Christian family there 
 should be a daily offering of prayer and praise. 
 But, after admitting the beneficial influences, and 
 even the duty, of this service, many, it is feared, 
 will plead some peculiar personal circumstances 
 which they think justify their saying, " I pray thee 
 have me excused." 
 
 It is my object in the present chapter to meet, 
 and, as far as practicable, to obviate, these objec- 
 tions. 
 
 A reason with not a few for omitting this service 
 is found in their impression, that it belongs only 
 to professors of religion to pray in their families. 
 While they remain without the pale of the Church, it 
 does not occur to them that they have any share in 
 this work. They acknowledge that they owe many 
 duties to their children, that they ought to provide 
 for them, furnish them the means of religious instruc- 
 tion, educate them well, and walk before them in a
 
 214 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 good and praiseworthy example. But to perform in 
 their presence so solemn a service as prayer would 
 be their duty only after they had publicly professed 
 to be Christians. 
 
 But is it true that we are not bound to perform 
 any religious duty until we declare to the world that 
 we intend to do so ? May not the same reasoning 
 apply to all other objections of this kind ? Yet no 
 one would maintain that he was blameless in setting 
 his children a wicked example, because he had never 
 " professed " to give them a good one. Family 
 worship is rendered unto God. It depends for its 
 obligation upon God. He who is placed by that 
 being at the head of a circle of immortal souls is 
 accountable to him for all the influence he exerts on 
 them. And whatever he has promised unto man, 
 whether he has "owned a covenant" or not, sub- 
 scribed to a formal creed or not, and commemorated 
 the dying love of his Saviour or neglected that rite, 
 can in no possible way affect this obligation. 
 
 " But," says another, " my life would not cor- 
 respond to this act. People would say they could 
 see no difference between my conduct and that of 
 my neighbours, although there were prayers in my 
 house." Who would say this ? The men who 
 themselves kept this commandment of the Lord ? 
 Never ! Besides, ought you not to lead so exem- 
 plary a life that this inconsistency would not exist ? 
 Will it atone for an imperfect obedience to God, to
 
 OBJECTIONS TO FAMILY PRAYER. 215 
 
 aver that we do not pray with our families ? Are 
 we excusable on this account in any moral offence ? 
 Should not a man tremble to confess that he is lead- 
 ing daily a life so enslaved to this world, so opposed 
 to devotion, that the worship of God would not 
 comport with it ? Let all who, in the secret of 
 their souls even, have harboured this apology, look 
 seriously at it, and ask themselves whether, instead 
 of thus shielding their neglect, they ought not to 
 commence the good work at once ; and instead of 
 conforming in this respect to their lives, whether 
 they ought not to begin a family service, and live as 
 they pray. Who can tell but this very habit would 
 lead them to a watchful and obedient life, and thus 
 prove to them, of all men, most beneficial ? 
 
 But perhaps this is not your objection. The 
 great obstacle in your way is the mixed character of 
 your family. You can think of one, or a few, per- 
 haps, who would unite with you cordially in this ser- 
 vice. But there are others to whom you believe it 
 would bring an unwelcome, wearisome hour. This 
 class, I believe, is usually small ; where prayer is 
 offered with simplicity and sincerity, it has an intrin- 
 sic power to excite an interest. If it be a dull ex- 
 ercise in itself, or in the manner of its performance, 
 of course it must be wearisome to the listener. But 
 this need never be of necessity. 
 
 To some in your family you fear and this fear 
 is a very prevalent hindrance to domestic worship
 
 216 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 it would be an occasion for a smile or a jeer. But 
 has it come to this ? Are there those who sit daily 
 at your board, so thoughtless and irreverent that they 
 would make light of a service offered in their pres- 
 ence to the God of heaven ? How long shall it 
 be so ? With the feelings and principles suitable 
 to your station, placed, as you are, at the head 
 of a family, how long can you consent to leave 
 these persons ready to mock at the most sacred 
 things ? Have you no duty to perform to them ? 
 Can you do nothing to stay that spiritual pestilence 
 that is wasting within them ? Will you not make 
 the attempt ? If you realize the account you must 
 render on high, you will, both by prayer and by 
 friendly advice, do something to awaken in them a 
 better spirit. If you cannot inspire them with any 
 personal seriousness, you may at least lead them to 
 pay a decent regard to religion itself and to religious 
 exercises. 
 
 " But," says some one, " my situation is peculiar. 
 There are those in my household whose opinions on 
 the subject of religion differ from my own. I fear 
 they would not join with me in prayer." What are 
 the grounds of this fear ? Have they actually refused 
 to unite with you ? Do they, think you, not pray 
 in secret ? Why should they decline to do so at 
 the fireside ? Might not this very service do some- 
 thing to conciliate their Christian affection for you ? 
 May they not have urged your neglect of family wor-
 
 OBJECTIONS TO FAMILY PRAYER. 217 
 
 ship as a proof of the error of your doctrine ? If 
 you believe in the value and efficacy of prayer, are 
 you not solemnly called upon to testify this belief, 
 to convince these individuals that you serve your 
 God as truly and as devoutly as any Christian upon 
 earth, and that, though you dislike a display of one's 
 faith, and would never obtrude your own, yet you 
 are not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ ? We 
 cannot easily estimate, I believe, the respect it 
 would gain for our views of religion, the advance- 
 ment it would furnish to the cause of Christianity, 
 to pass over its benign and sanctifying effects on our- 
 selves, should the head of each family set up an 
 altar unto the common Father of all sects and all 
 Christians. 
 
 Are we told by others, that their business pre- 
 vents an attendance to this duty, that they cannot 
 find time for it ? This, we suspect, is an apology 
 that prevails among very many, and gives them sat- 
 isfaction. They regard their work as essential. If 
 a man " who provides not for his household be 
 worse than an infidel," they imagine that he who 
 does provide for them must be a Christian, that 
 he can serve his Maker in no more acceptable way 
 than by earning bread for his children. 
 
 But I would ask such an one, Does the labor of 
 your hands accomplish all this work ? Is the glory 
 of sending the showers on your lands, of causing the 
 sun to invigorate your plants, of supplying you
 
 218 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 strength to toil, or of crowning your business with 
 success, is all this your own ? Why, then, will 
 you not confess who is the Giver ? And when you 
 have begun here, why will you not go on, and re- 
 hearse all his blessings in supporting the life and con- 
 tinuing to you the friendships of your nearest con- 
 nections, in the forgiveness of your common and 
 mutual offences, and entreat him to impart to you 
 spiritual gifts, and seek an obedient and submissive 
 heart at his hand ? 
 
 Do you still say, " I have no time for prayer ; it 
 is well for those who have feisure to discharge this 
 duty " ? No time for prayer ! Have you no time 
 for pleasure ? Is no hour in the day wasted in idle 
 conversation ? If some gainful scheme was pro- 
 posed, could you not find a few minutes, morning 
 and evening, to attend to it ? Could you not, if 
 your life, or even your honor and comfort alone, 
 were concerned, take a small portion of time from 
 the season of sleep ? O, then, be as liberal unto 
 God as you are to yourself. Offer him, at least, 
 this small return for his loading you daily with ben- 
 efits. And when you plead this excuse, ask, Must 
 I find no time for sickness and for death ? Should 
 I in my last moments lament the losses I have suf- 
 fered, in respect to time, from prayer ? Should 
 I not mourn and weep at this poor excuse, "no 
 time for prayer " ? Let us live as we shall wish we 
 had lived when we are called to go hence.
 
 OBJECTIONS TO FAMILY PRAYER. 219 
 
 But when all these obstacles are about to be over- 
 come, a greater still is seen often to arise. It is the 
 plea of inability to perform the service. There are 
 numbers of pious and exemplary Christians, who, 
 though persuaded of the efficacy of this service, 
 continue, for this reason, to omit it. It may be, 
 they feel their education to be deficient. They 
 have children more learned than themselves, before 
 whom they feel incompetent to address their Cre- 
 ator. Should they make the attempt, a failure in 
 propriety or readiness of expression might ensue. 
 Their safety, they believe, is in silence. To such 
 we would say, their fears are doubtless unfounded. 
 Let the heart be warm with the spirit of prayer, and 
 the form and the mere words are seldom found want- 
 ing. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth 
 speaketh. If a man have aught to communicate, 
 language will usually come at his bidding. Let him 
 be in earnest, let the subject interest and take deep 
 hold of him, and how rarely does he labor for expres- 
 sions. So is it in the act of devotion. The feel- 
 ing is far more closely connected with the utterance 
 than we commonly imagine. 
 
 As regards fitness of language, the more plain and 
 simple this is, the more acceptable to God. And 
 when the hearer perceives you to be hearty and sin- 
 cere in the act, you disarm him of a critical spirit. 
 If children be made aware of the objects of this ser- 
 vice, they will be too humble, too sensible of their
 
 220 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 faults and of their spiritual wants, to indulge at that 
 hour the unworthy disposition of fault-finding. If 
 they do not possess the right views of prayer, and 
 the feelings suitable for its performance, we should 
 strive to enlighten them, and, with the Divine aid, to 
 impress their minds and hearts with a sense of relig- 
 ion. But do not, in any event, allow their criminal- 
 ity to remain, and yourself to be forced to keep si- 
 lence before God, through fear of their criticisms. 
 
 Should there be those so painfully conscious of 
 their inabilities as to shrink from the duty recom- 
 mended, I would suggest to them the use of some 
 form of prayer. When Jesus was on earth, he pre- 
 scribed for his disciples a form, that inimitable 
 model of devotion termed the Lord's Prayer. Why 
 may not we, if circumstances demand it, read this and 
 similar forms in presence of our families ? The sen- 
 timents it contains might surely be listened to and 
 felt. For prayer depends for its acceptance, not on 
 the mode, but on the state of the affections in which 
 it is offered. 
 
 In all ages of the Church, written aids to devotion 
 have been employed ; and let us not consider them 
 without value. Let the head of a household com- 
 mence, if he choose, with a form. A growth in ho- 
 ly emotions, and the facility given by exercise, will 
 soon lead him to dispense with it. Better, indeed, 
 read, if it were but a portion of Scripture, morning 
 and evening, in presence of his family, than neglect
 
 OBJECTIONS TO FAMILY PRAYER. 221 
 
 all the appearances of a house occupied by immortal 
 beings. 
 
 I have spoken of domestic worship as an unques- 
 tionable duty. It may be objected, that it is no- 
 where expressly commanded in Scripture. I reply, 
 that we have abundant examples of it, if there be 
 no special command for it, in the Bible. The 
 worship of families is a practice as old as our 
 race. Look at the patriarchs and saints of old, 
 Abraham, David, Joshua, Job ; among the pious 
 services of these men, this was never forgotten. A 
 blessing was pronounced on parents and children 
 who joined in their acts of faith and intercession. 
 A withering denunciation was uttered against the 
 families that "called not on the name of the Lord." 
 All nations, Jew and Gentile, nay, Mahometan and 
 Pagan, have scrupulously discharged this duty. Our 
 honored forefathers every household were men 
 of prayer. Shall we put an end to this blessed cus- 
 tom ? Shall the torch of fireside devotion expire in 
 our hands ? Are we willing to have our dwellings 
 stand, like the houses of the Egyptians, with no 
 mark of the Lord's impression upon them ? 
 
 Christianity, it cannot be too often repeated, is a 
 social religion. It calls us, not only to promote our 
 own virtue and happiness, but also that of others. 
 And if it be true of charity, it is equally so of piety, 
 that it begins at home. Each member of a family 
 owes something, in this light, to all who compose it.
 
 222 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 And the father, holding the station of most influ- 
 ence, is under the highest obligations. Can he, then, 
 say, when a question comes up involving the pres- 
 ent and the eternal well-being of his household, " I 
 may please myself. I may discharge or neglect this 
 duty " ? Shall he take shelter in the thought that he 
 is not a professor of religion ? Shall he stop to in- 
 quire whether this or that individual believes as he 
 does, or would approve of the step ? Can he find 
 it in his heart to say, " I do not live like a Christian, 
 and therefore I am excused from prayer " ? Or, 
 when the moral and spiritual good of his children 
 and other inmates are at stake, when their im- 
 provement or degradation are concerned in the issue, 
 will that man dare he begin to say, "I have 
 no time for this duty ; my business presses ; it is not 
 convenient " ? No ; as he reflects on the case, he 
 will rather take this ground : " Jesus, my master, 
 commands me, on the pain of exclusion from the 
 favor of God, to confess him before men. I will 
 not, then, permit the fear of man, a treacherous 
 pride, or a Peter-like shame, to seal my lips and pre- 
 vent my petitions with and for my household. I will 
 endeavour, as in other respects, so in this, to show 
 myself his consistent disciple." 
 
 Let us this day set the mark before ourselves, that, 
 if not now, yet some time, and that soon, our voices 
 shall be heard lifted unto our God and Father in behalf 
 of our bosom companion and our beloved children.
 
 OBJECTIONS TO FAMILY PRAYER. 223 
 
 Let not the time be distant when the word of God, 
 and some mode of prayer, shall find utterance from 
 our mouths, when, let the trial be severe as it 
 may, we will take up the cross and follow our 
 Lord.
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 THE BIBLE. SINGING. 
 
 ALTHOUGH something was said in a previous 
 chapter on the use of the Bible in a system of relig- 
 ious education, yet the topic is too important to be 
 dismissed without further remarks. This volume 
 lies at the foundation of all sound culture, whether 
 mental or moral. The student should make it his 
 daily companion ; men in every profession and ev- 
 ery occupation should be familiar with its pages, and 
 possessed of its truths and its spirit. There is a 
 growing disposition, it is feared, to neglect the pe- 
 rusal of the Scriptures. In some instances the vol- 
 ume is not owned by the individual, and in others 
 who can tell how many conscience is satis- 
 fied with the mere possession of it. It lies year 
 after year on the table, emphatically a " neglected 
 Bible." 
 
 But no faithful parent will yield to this custom. 
 We are admonished by it rather to make special ef- 
 forts to restore the Bible to that elevated place, 
 where, in all ages, it belongs. A child should be
 
 THE BIBLE. 225 
 
 taught, from his earliest years, that this is " the 
 Book," as its name imports, the best of all books. 
 It should be always at hand, treated with reverence, 
 appealed to in conversation, and made the standard 
 in the family for all opinions, principles, feelings, and 
 actions. The experiment has never been tried of 
 training a generation lost to all due respect for the 
 Scriptures. Let not the parents now on the stage 
 incur the tremendous risk of trying that experiment. 
 
 It is well to establish the practice of each person 
 reading a verse or two of the Bible in turn at the 
 time of family worship. Our business habits, the 
 arrangements of school hours, and our other pur- 
 suits, often interfere sadly with this desirable custom. 
 But if it be neglected some days, or even every day 
 in the week, on the Sabbath it should be sacredly 
 regarded. I know of no more interesting spectacle 
 than that of a family group gathered round the table 
 on the evening of that day to read aloud some por- 
 tion of Scripture. The father and mother, the old- 
 est and the youngest of the brothers and sisters, 
 there they sit, side by side, engaged in a service that 
 places an " incorruptible crown " on all the previous 
 exercises of the day. They recognize their com- 
 mon dependence on that Being, the record of whose 
 word they are now perusing. Link by link they are 
 passing round one another that golden chain which is 
 to bind them together in toil, trials, troubles, blessings, 
 and joys on earth, and in the immortal hope of find- 
 15
 
 226 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 ing their names written together at last " in the 
 Lamb's book of life." 
 
 In the education of his children, the parent will 
 find an ever-ready aid in the Bible. It will furnish 
 him with all the variety of characters and scenes, of 
 instructions and commands, of invitations, promises, 
 encouragements, and sanctions, which he needs. 
 There, too, he will find plans and methods of relig- 
 ious culture of the highest practical value. " The 
 letter " is there, important to be lodged in the child's 
 mind, and without which he cannot gain " the spirit " 
 which " giveth life." 
 
 It is important that we consider well the nature of 
 a child's mind, if we would interest and instruct him 
 aright in the Bible. As far as it is reasonable, we 
 should allow our children to select for themselves 
 the portions of Scripture they are to read ; for it al- 
 ways gives a relish to our pursuits to have them vol- 
 untary. We may find them choosing generally the 
 narratives alone. But these narratives, such as the 
 stories of Joseph, of Samuel, of Daniel, and others, 
 are, for the most part, of a moral and religious char- 
 acter. And were they not so, it is a great point 
 to interest a child, in some way, in the reading of the 
 Bible. For then you may hope that in after life he 
 will pass from its stories to its abstract doctrines and 
 precepts. 
 
 The writer recollects with pain an opposite course 
 pursued with himself in childhood. He was hired
 
 THE BIBLE. 227 
 
 to read the Bible through in course. This reduced 
 it all literally to a dead level in his estimation, 
 the whole being regarded as a task-book. He was 
 also required to read the obscure parts at the fire- 
 side ; and, as if this would not effect the end so un- 
 fortunately set before him, he was compelled to read 
 the Bible in course at school ; and at the end of the 
 term came a public exhibition in the meeting-house, 
 where the scholars were to recite, for prizes of 
 oooks, as many chapters as possible from memory. 
 Bitter are his reminiscences of repeating page after 
 page of Paul's Epistles to the Romans and Ephe- 
 sians, in which the words " election," " foreknowl- 
 edge," " predestination," and their kindred expres- 
 sions, rose cloud upon cloud over his view of the 
 sacred volume, and made it his aversion, instead of 
 being, as it should have been made, his delight. 
 
 There are many methods by which the Scriptures 
 may be clothed with interest to a child. We may 
 procure for him well-executed prints of their scenes 
 and characters ; and we may give him a good map of 
 Palestine, and assist him to draw one for himself. 
 It is desirable to place in his hands biographies, 
 tales, and sketches, written in a close connection with 
 Scripture characters and events. And even the 
 smallest child may acquire a pleasant, as well as a 
 true, idea of many passages in the Bible through his 
 toys. I have seen a little toy called Noah's ark. 
 Suppose, now, after the story of Noah, you ask your
 
 228 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 child to take a little ark of this kind, place the an- 
 imals in order, with the patriarch and his family at 
 their head. You may launch the ark in water, and 
 you will find a multitude of questions put to you, in 
 answering which you can convey much valuable in- 
 struction. 
 
 By every method in our power let us create an in- 
 terest early in the Bible, and keep it alive at every 
 succeeding stage, until our children are of an age to 
 read and understand and apply to practice the sacred 
 volume for themselves. Let the Sermon on the 
 Mount, and other similar portions of it, be treasured 
 in the memory ; they will be a support amid tempta- 
 tion, and a solace in troufjle, to the latest hour of 
 their lives. Explain to them especially the New 
 Testament. OfTer them up in baptism ; give the 
 lambs unto Jesus, and unfold afterward to them the 
 significance of this beautiful rite. Lead them to 
 dedicate themselves, in their youth, to Father, Son, 
 and Spirit. With characters so established, they 
 will be disposed early to avow themselves disciples 
 of Jesus, and come voluntarily and joyously to the 
 table of his love. 
 
 In connection with the reading of the Bible, I 
 would recommend the introduction of vocal music. 
 Let a hymn be sung as a part of the family worship, 
 and let the smaller children join in this act. It is 
 now believed that nearly every child has the capacity 
 for singing. For many reasons, this gift should be
 
 SINGING. 229 
 
 early exercised, and never afterward neglected. Sa- 
 cred music promotes devotional feeling hardly less 
 than direct acts of prayer. And if the listener is 
 thus benefited, how much more must the performer 
 be himself, when he sings with the spirit as well as 
 the understanding ! 
 
 Music is a means of individual happiness ; it has 
 been well called " the universal language of the feel- 
 ings." We often find ourselves in joyous moments 
 expressing our feelings in its tones. How many 
 weary hours may it beguile, how many pangs may it 
 soothe ! I recently heard of an eminent Christian, 
 who, amid the tedious hours of her last sickness, 
 would often ask her companion, at midnight, when 
 she found him awake, to join with her in singing 
 some favorite stanza. So is it that, in health and 
 joy, amid pain and trouble, under all the vicissi- 
 tudes of this eventful life, we have occasion to give 
 thanks for music. The intelligent parent, who truly 
 loves his child, will therefore do all he can to pro- 
 vide for him this inappreciable blessing. 
 
 Vocal music is of great value in the culture of the 
 intellect. How many precious truths are impressed 
 on a child's mind, by being conveyed to it through 
 the aid of songs ! These lessons are prized, from 
 being often associated with pleasant scenes, dear 
 friends, and happy hours. They are fixed in the 
 memory as no mere language in prose could have 
 fastened them. Secular as well as sacred instructions
 
 230 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 are not seldom best imparted by the help of vocal 
 music. " Let me make the ballads of a people," 
 said some one, " and I care not who makes their 
 laws." The history of many barbarous nations has 
 been transmitted on the wings of poetry and music 
 combined ; and in not a few civilized countries, 
 songs have been employed to disseminate ideas and 
 awaken feelings among those to whom books were 
 little known. Let the parent, who would imprint 
 knowledge of any kind deeply on his child's mind, 
 seek to find for it, as often as possible, some embod- 
 iment in verse and voice. 
 
 It is matter for rejoicing, that, as in foreign lands, 
 so in our own, songs are being introduced into our 
 schools, which in some instances impart useful knowl- 
 edge, as well as awaken pure feelings. Much more 
 might be done than now is to make this a delightful 
 vehicle of wisdom and truth among our children. It 
 is lamentable that we have so few songs in this land 
 worthy of an intelligent and virtuous community. 
 Instead of filling the young mind with " Negro Mel- 
 odies," why can we not have popular airs accom- 
 panied by words worthy of this noble art ? Have 
 we no parents or teachers skilled in music, who can 
 furnish songs for our children in which the sentiment 
 shall be elevated, as well as the melody grateful to 
 the ear ? 
 
 Meantime, let us preoccupy the youthful mind with 
 good songs and hymns, chants and anthems, so that,
 
 SINGING. 231 
 
 from a refined taste, they will reject what is low and 
 frivolous. I do not object to humorous words as 
 an occasional recreation in connection with music ; 
 let us still have those amusing airs. But let them 
 not be the staple of our popular music. Our chil- 
 dren should not be imbued, as they now too often 
 are, with insipid songs, and language which is some- 
 times worse than foolish, doing positive harm to the 
 mind and morals. 
 
 Vocal music is a great aid to parental discipline. 
 It softens the spirit, and renders it plastic and obe- 
 dient ; it quells those passions which sometimes ren- 
 der family government so difficult ; it allays peevish- 
 ness and fretfulness, and every jarring disposition. 
 The parent finds himself at times excited and dis- 
 turbed by his business, or by collision with others, 
 and he can in no way so well calm his spirit, and in- 
 spire a mild authority in his own breast, as by asking 
 that some gentle air, or a stanza of some hymn, be 
 sung. When the voices are once attuned, the in- 
 ward discord will ere long cease ; and the hearts of 
 all, parents and children, will be soon melted into 
 harmony. 
 
 One of the most serious difficulties in domestic 
 government arises from the disputes among children. 
 The little world is sometimes set on fire by contend- 
 ing tongues. Words are perhaps insufficient to al- 
 lay the excitement. But let there be music ; call the 
 contending spirits to pause and join in a song, and
 
 232 THE CHEISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 you need not fear a renewal of their altercations. 
 Those few tones will do more than your frown, your 
 command, or even the rod, can ever do to restore 
 and preserve a spirit-harmony corresponding to the 
 harmony of their voices. 
 
 Let your children be accustomed to sing together, 
 and it will diminish the desire, so common in early 
 life, for a perpetual round of amusements beyond the 
 fireside. The reunion of the family at nightfall sug- 
 gests the pleasant recreation of domestic singing. 
 Where the eldest daughter or son is skilled in music, 
 many a happy hour may be passed in their training 
 the younger to the same high accomplishment. So 
 occupied, they will not thirst for scenes and circles 
 which tend to mental dissipation. Still less will 
 those educated to this pure taste desire to roam 
 abroad and partake in amusements whose associa- 
 tions and influences tend to debasement and vice. 
 
 For its moral advantages, no less than as an inno- 
 cent recreation, the parent should encourage in his 
 family the culture both of vocal and instrumental mu- 
 sic. The desire of improvement in this art affords 
 occupation for hours that would otherwise hang heav- 
 ily on the hands. Children are incited by it to ben- 
 efit each other ; and a love thus grows up between 
 sisters who have sat side by side at the piano-forte, 
 which no change of times and no length of years will 
 impair. 
 
 If your daughter prove a proficient in music, she
 
 SINGING. 233 
 
 has a noble opportunity of contributing to the hap- 
 piness of others. Let her be trained to perform 
 cheerfully whenever a call is made upon her. It 
 may inspire her with that confidence in her own 
 powers so needful to success in life. When the re- 
 quest is made, it is better for her disposition that she 
 comply with it readily than determinately refuse ; and 
 I believe that even an inferior performance is less dis- 
 tasteful to a party of friends than an obstinate reluc- 
 tance to contribute to their entertainment. Every 
 gift we possess, even though it be but " the one 
 talent," comes from our Heavenly Father, and 
 should be used wherever it will promote the inno- 
 cent gratification of a fellow-spirit. 
 
 And not only in the family and the social circle, 
 but in still wider spheres, our children may contrib- 
 ute to the entertainment and the improvement of 
 others by the culture and exercise of their powers 
 for music. They can assist in the singing of their 
 Sunday school. It is to be regretted that so many 
 of our scholars, not a few of whom join in the songs 
 of their week-day school, and hence show their ca- 
 pacity to do it here, decline singing in the Sunday 
 school. This practice may be traced in part to the 
 fact, that parents are remiss in their duty. Did they 
 enjoin this exercise on their children, and prepare 
 them for it by encouraging music at home, we 
 should not miss so many voices in the sacred songs 
 of the Sabbath school.
 
 234 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 The practice, also, of congregational singing, is 
 now gaining favor. It needs only a fit training of 
 our children to enable the whole people to join in 
 this part of the services. Could it be done well, 
 .who would not rejoice to see it everywhere intro- 
 duced ? And what is required for its perfection 
 but the universal culture of sacred music at our fire- 
 sides ? 
 
 Let this be done, and we shall at least supersede 
 in most of our churches the necessity of hiring oth- 
 ers to sing for us. It is difficult to secure the true 
 effect of church music, that is, a devotional spirit, 
 where the performers come to the service merely be- 
 cause they are paid for it. There may be irrev- 
 erence among a voluntary choir, but no one will con- 
 tend that this is so likely to be witnessed in their 
 case as in that of a choir who feel no interest in the 
 music except as an art and as a means of pecuniary 
 gain. If, then, we would have our church singing 
 sacred, and not profane music, why do we not train 
 up performers taken from the bosom of the congre- 
 gation ? The parent can render no more generous 
 service to the religious society with whom he wor- 
 ships, than to prepare his own children to contribute 
 personally to the songs of the sanctuary. 
 
 I may add, that the practice of singing is now re- 
 garded as most friendly to health. The use of the 
 voice is proved to be a valuable physical exercise. 
 It invigorates the lungs, expands the chest, promotes
 
 SINGING. 235 
 
 the circulation of the blood, and is favorable to di- 
 gestion. Let our daughters engage frequently in 
 singing, and we shall do much to remove that grow- 
 ing paleness of the cheek and contraction of the 
 chest which augur so sadly in these days for the 
 physical energies of the coming generation. In- 
 deed, health, happiness, virtue, and piety unite in 
 calling parents, guardians, and teachers to give re- 
 newed attention to the culture of music, both as a 
 science and an art.
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS. 
 
 IT may appear singular, perhaps paradoxical, to 
 say, that by expecting little we can gain much, in any 
 work whatever to which we may apply our hands. 
 Still, is it not often true ? Do we not see cases 
 every day in which men are mortified, humbled, and 
 enfeebled by the disappointment of their extravagant 
 expectations ? An individual forms a false concep- 
 tion of his own abilities, and seeks and expects to 
 reach a position for which he is not qualified, and in 
 this attempt loses a situation for ever to which his 
 powers were adapted. We see a thousand illustra- 
 tions of this melancholy character. 
 
 Not a few parents fail in the education of their 
 children, from expecting too much of them. Did 
 they estimate their capacities aright, and regard them 
 according to their age, that is, as boys and girls, and 
 not as men and women, they would be saved from 
 a multitude of errors in their method of training 
 them. 
 
 The mother imagines her child is a prodigy ; her
 
 REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS. 237 
 
 son can recite poetry to perfection ; her daughter 
 can read or sing better than any other girl of her 
 acquaintance. Hence, on every occasion, she puts 
 these children forward. They do not excite the ad- 
 miration she anticipated, and so she is made mis- 
 erable. Or if they do, then they are spoiled by 
 flattery. The raptures which their exhibition calls 
 forth deceive the mother, and render her ridiculous ; 
 and they stimulate, at the same time, the children's 
 vanity, and thus do them unspeakable harm. 
 
 Here is a mother who expects of her boys the so- 
 briety of manhood. She complains that they will 
 not keep quiet themselves, nor allow other people to 
 be so. She is perpetually calling to them to sit still, 
 and looks that they shall fold their arms and do abso- 
 lutely nothing. But how unreasonable is this ! God 
 has filled them with life ; they have a bounding pulse 
 and a buoyant spirit, and why should they be thus 
 despotically repressed ? Without tills restless and 
 energetic disposition, there would be little hope of 
 their accomplishing much in life. If we look into 
 the future, we shall see that the darkest of all pros- 
 pects lies before that boy who is quiet enough to sit 
 in a chair hour after hour, doing nothing but keep 
 still. Any thing is better than this perfect quietism ; 
 better have your ears stunned, and your furniture all 
 marred, than the opposite extreme of a mere passive 
 immobility. 
 
 Without the restlessness of childhood, we should
 
 238 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 never have the force and enterprise needed or the 
 successful man. It is this very quality which gives 
 us, in after life, the active merchant, the skilful 
 mechanic, and the progressive agriculturist. With- 
 out it, the world had never been blest by its 
 long line of illustrious men, artists, philosophers, 
 statesmen, discoverers, and inventors. To it we 
 owe the achievements of science, the power of 
 the pulpit, the administration of justice, the prac- 
 tice and progress of the healing art, and the ad- 
 vancement of education. Repress it in the boy, 
 make him satisfied with sitting perfectly still, and in 
 that way being good, and you may be sure he will be 
 left behind by his companions in every career of in- 
 terest, usefulness, and honor. 
 
 " But would you give up our houses to misrule 
 and disorder ? Are we to have nothing in them 
 but noise and violence, lest we repress the energies 
 of our children ? " No, this need not be ; I would 
 find employment for these energies. The boy stud- 
 ies at school ; he should have exercise at home. 
 .Do not, then, confine him in a chair, and compel 
 him to be idle, nor yet to read and study alone. 
 There are continual calls for domestic occupation, in 
 running of errands, in waiting upon parents, and in 
 brothers and sisters assisting each other. Why 
 should not your son be trained to do all he can for 
 his sisters or his younger brothers ? How many 
 little things are constantly calling for effort and self-
 
 REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS. 239 
 
 sacrifice in a family ! Parents should study to find 
 something to occupy every child in their circle. 
 Let there be a resolution to do this, and the ways 
 and means will readily present themselves. I. do 
 not deny that it may, in some cases, be a salutary 
 punishment, or a good discipline, for a child to sit 
 still. But, as a general habit, we should not expect 
 to keep children quiet by our naked command. We 
 can only do it by providing substitutes for their noisy 
 pursuits. 
 
 We err, also, in expecting of children the gravity 
 'of men and women. They are eager for play, and 
 full of vivacity ; we wonder, perhaps, why they are 
 never satisfied with their sports. "What pleasure," 
 we ask, " can they find in this constant round of tri- 
 fling pursuits ? Why do they not love study and 
 love work better than these foolish amusements ? " 
 But were we not children once ourselves ? And 
 did we then love work better than play ? Was it 
 easy for us to be sober and staid, and never say a 
 childish thing, and never do an unwise one ? We 
 forget the past, by demanding so much of our chil- 
 dren ; and we show little knowledge of human na- 
 ture. They are such as the Creator made them, 
 not to be old at once, nor middle-aged, sedate, and 
 wise now. They are for the present to be chil- 
 dren, elastic in their spirits, lovers of sport, their 
 tastes far different from ours, yet none the less fitting 
 to their age than ours are to manhood,
 
 240 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 " By Nature's kindly law, 
 Pleased with a rattle, tickled with a straw." 
 
 Let us not boast ourselves of superiority to them ; 
 for to higher orders of being it doubtless appears that 
 
 " Some livelier plaything gives our youth delight, 
 A little louder, but as empty quite." 
 
 And at last it is seen that 
 
 " Scarfs, garters, gold, amuse our riper age." 
 
 The parent sometimes perceives in his child a 
 love of power, a fondness for authority, a disposition 
 to be master in everything. He would fain, it may 
 be, extinguish this disposition ; or he expects that 
 by a few words he can lead him to exercise it only 
 over the right persons and on the proper occasions. 
 But are these reasonable expectations ? The love 
 of power may terminate, it is true, in a domineering 
 and tyrannical temper. But this is not necessary, and 
 we should not, therefore, desire to destroy it in a 
 child. It is better than a spirit which is facile to a 
 fault ; for it is seldom that those very easily persuad- 
 ed are persuaded to much good. We .need, in this 
 world of error and sin, an intellectual and moral 
 firmness, the seeds of which should be implanted in 
 childhood. If, then, a daughter has the love of 
 power, do not try to destroy it, but so direct it that 
 she shall aid, instead of lording it over, her younger 
 sisters. Your boy, perhaps, is fond of power ; en- 
 courage him to exercise it aright. Let him take the
 
 REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS. 241 
 
 part of the weak, and lead his companions, but al- 
 ways in the right direction. Show him how noble it 
 is to protect a sister, to part boys who would quar- 
 rel, to exercise justice and benevolence in connec- 
 tion with authority. You may hope then that what 
 seems to you a dangerous quality will prove of the 
 utmost advantage. It will inspire him to protect the 
 weak everywhere, and at all periods of his life, 
 against the oppression of the strong. 
 
 Some parents expect their children to appear well 
 in company, while they allow them to conduct them- 
 selves as they please when alone with them. But is 
 this rational ? We know that the very best children 
 are excited by company, and often do and say things 
 before strangers which mortify their parents. What, 
 then, should be expected of those ordinarily subject 
 to no family discipline ? Suppose your little girl is 
 permitted to cry for candy or cake, and never de- 
 nied them, to throw the chairs about the room, or 
 to soil your dress, as she pleases : will she never 
 tease for her indulgences in company, or romp about 
 the room and do mischief before others ? The pres- 
 ence of a stranger may restrain some children, who 
 are usually, unrestrained ; but such cases are rare. 
 To look for quiet manners and a respectful deport- 
 ment under such circumstances is to expect wheat 
 where we have sown tares. 
 
 There is no more bitter cup to a parent than in- 
 gratitude. 
 
 16
 
 242 THE CHRISTIAN PAEENT. 
 
 " How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is 
 To have a thankless child ! " 
 
 But few pursue the best course to awaken and secure 
 gratitude. The mother thinks to make her daughter 
 grateful by unlimited indulgence, by allowing her to 
 be idle, and doing everything for her. To her sur- 
 prise, she finds her daughter more and more ungrate- 
 ful. And why should she not be ? Indulgence does 
 not render the child happy ; it makes her peevish and 
 miserable ; and why should she thank her mother for 
 these fruits of her training ? 
 
 Still further, we see, the world over, that gratitude 
 is not rendered in proportion to the favors bestowed, 
 but according to the benefits we are conscious of re- 
 ceiving. If your child, then, does not value what 
 you do for him, he will never be grateful for it. But 
 unless you teach him from the cradle to express his 
 thanks, he will not feel disposed to do it. If you al- 
 ways wait upon your son, he will not know the labor 
 of doing it, and how can he be grateful for your ser- 
 vice ? What is common we do not appreciate ; 
 what is rare impresses us. Educate a child to wait 
 upon himself, ordinarily, and then whenever you as- 
 sist him he will prize your assistance, and thank you 
 for it. 
 
 There are self-denying mothers who never call the 
 attention of their children to what they do for them. 
 They imagine it would be selfish to speak of their 
 own efforts. But who will remind these children of
 
 REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS. 243 
 
 their filial obligations, if their parents do not ? It 
 seems to me a false view of duty to pursue this 
 course. For the good of the child, and not for your 
 own sake, not as an act of self-praise, you are bound 
 to set distinctly before him his obligations to his par- 
 ents. Point your children to the suffering orphan ; 
 let the father describe the privations and toils of the 
 mother ; and do not let her hesitate to speak to the 
 older of her sacrifices for the younger. It should 
 not be done in a tone of complaint, but mentioned 
 calmly, as a fact. To neglect doing it is to leave a 
 child utterly insensible of the value of his home, and 
 of course never grateful to those who made it what 
 it is. 
 
 I would suggest to a child, on every suitable occa- 
 sion, the propriety of expressing his thanks. Let 
 him not receive all favors as a matter of course ; but 
 let each, as far as possible, be traced to the giver. 
 If we do not in this way steadily cultivate his grati- 
 tude, if we do not plant the tree and water and en- 
 rich it, let us not look for the fruits. If we do cher- 
 ish it, then, as our children grow up, they will lay up 
 in their hearts the sweet memory of benefits re- 
 ceived, and in after years they will welcome op- 
 portunities to repay their early debt. They will be 
 filled with gratitude to all who do them good ; they 
 will thus drink of a fountain of unfailing happiness, 
 a fountain sealed up to the ungrateful spirit. 
 
 Yet more, when we render our children grateful
 
 244 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 to man, we sow in their hearts the seeds of a perpet- 
 ual thankfulness to the Giver of all good. We em- 
 bellish for them the whole outward universe. For 
 what appears so beautiful as a world blessed with the 
 gifts of a divine love ? Let our children be grate- 
 ful, and they will see the Father's bounty in every 
 opening blossom, and hear his inspiring voice in the 
 murmuring stream, the song of the bird, and the hum 
 of the bee. Our fondest anticipations in relation to 
 their purity of heart and devoutness of temper can 
 then hardly be disappointed. 
 
 It will temper our judgment of a child to remem- 
 ber that there is one great teacher under which he 
 has not yet been placed, and that is experience. We 
 ought not to look for those qualities in the boy which 
 can come only from the discipline of the man. Per- 
 haps he is passionate ; do all you can to control his 
 temper now. But consider that his passion pro- 
 ceeds in part from the warmth inseparable from his 
 age. Advancing years will naturally tend to allay 
 this heat. Yet more, he will see the necessity of 
 self-control, and learn, perhaps, by stern experience, 
 what you cannot now teach him. 
 
 We must do our duty, and wait and trust to the 
 future for results. The great point is to make a 
 child's experience tell as early as possible on his 
 character. Show him what he is gaining every day 
 where he makes efforts for improvement. Put your 
 finger on the very spot where his wrong-doing brings
 
 REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS. 245 
 
 suffering upon him. Unfold to him the peace of 
 conscience ; point him to instances in his own life in 
 which truthfulness, kindness, and gentleness have 
 rendered him happy and made him useful to others. 
 A moral education conducted on this principle can- 
 not fail of success. In some things we may err, in 
 this we cannot be mistaken. Be patient, and your 
 patience will work with your child's experience ; and 
 that experience will be the basis of a well-grounded 
 hope. 
 
 We desire, and probably expect, our children to 
 be sympathetic, charitable to the poor, and piteous 
 to the sufferer in body or mind. Will this spirit be 
 the legitimate consequence of our mode of training 
 them ? If we allow them to treat the beggar with 
 harshness and cruelty, or with utter indifference, let 
 us not complain that they grow selfish and hard- 
 hearted. Better encourage them to notice the needy, 
 to bring them into your house and give them food, 
 or at least to speak always a kind word to them. 
 Let them visit the dwellings of the destitute, the in- 
 temperate, and the thriftless. They will see things 
 there which cannot but awaken their compassion, and 
 inspire them to help these unfortunate beings. 
 
 It is not uncommon for children to ridicule the de- 
 formed, and make sport of the aged, especially if 
 they have peculiarities in their language or manners. 
 There are parents who do nothing to repress this 
 pernicious habit ; some even encourage -it, by join-
 
 246 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. . 
 
 ing in the laugh and the jeer. But can they be aware 
 of the results of this course ? There is nothing 
 which tends more effectually to quench every noble 
 and generous feeling in the breast, than derision of 
 the unfortunate. It is wrong to ridicule those errors 
 and infirmities which men bring on themselves. But 
 to laugh at the deformed, to mock those whom God 
 has visited with bodily afflictions, is a sin of the 
 deepest dye. If there are any beings on earth whom 
 we should pity, and for whom and over whom we 
 should weep, they are those infirm in mind or mis- 
 shapen in body. To add to their calamity by scoffs 
 and sneers is conduct worthy only of a realm lower 
 than ours. Let the parent beware how he fosters 
 this unhallowed disposition ; let him cherish in his 
 children the utmost tenderness toward those in any 
 manner suffering and afflicted. 
 
 What I have said of the habit of deriding the un- 
 fortunate applies to ridicule in general. As we wish 
 our children to be gentle, kind, and forgiving, we 
 must beware of treating them with sarcasm. Some 
 parents say things which cut a child to the heart, and 
 then wonder at the evil spirit he manifests. How 
 can it be that the boy who is mimicked and laughed 
 at for some bad habit should be made better by 
 it ? If he have a tone or a trick you would amend, 
 do not treat him with cruel satire, but, if it be neces- 
 sary to imitate him, that he may see his fault, let it 
 be done calmly and kindly. A child feels injured
 
 REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS. 247 
 
 by a bitter ridicule ; it only kindles in him resent- 
 ment and anger. Whenever you advert to his faults, 
 let love be in your heart ; for so only can you hope 
 to lead him even to attempt the reformation of his 
 errors. 
 
 We would fain see in our family a spirit of peace ; 
 we desire not only that blows should be avoided, but 
 harsh words, and every display of passion. How is 
 this great end .to be accomplished ? If we expect it 
 will come from a reign of violence and terror on our 
 part, we shall be sadly disappointed. A peaceful tem- 
 per is never promoted by strong stimulants. The less 
 stimulus of a harsh nature we daily employ, the more 
 true peace may we expect. " The maxim," to use 
 the words of another, " applies as well to the mind 
 as to the body, that the least quantity of stimulus 
 that will preserve it in healthy action is the best." 
 For this reason, the less of physical force or men- 
 acing language we use, the less, to take an expres- 
 sive word, we scold our children, the more order 
 and quiet we shall commonly secure. I have seen a 
 family where a single word, or a look even, would al- 
 lay a rising storm. The gentle but firm method is 
 the best security for domestic peace. 
 
 Who has not seen families in which violent and di- 
 rect efforts to root out evil, with no attempt to intro- 
 duce good, have failed of their end ? The system 
 was to " break the natural will, cross natural inclina- 
 tion, and subdue pride by constant mortification."
 
 248 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 The result was, that the children grew up just as self- 
 willed, and proud, and contentious, as they were in 
 their early years. It is only a feigned submission, 
 and a pretended peacefulness, that we can achieve 
 by harsh measures. What we should aim at and la- 
 bor for is, not to take away the food, but to destroy 
 the appetite for it. It is not enough to punish every 
 instance of contention severely ; we must persevere 
 until the quarrelsome spirit is extinguished ; and 
 mildness, not force, will lead to this permanent 
 good. 
 
 There is a stratagem employed in military tactics, 
 by which the attention of the enemy is diverted, and 
 thus opportunity is afforded for an attack in an unex- 
 pected quarter. I have thought we might derive a 
 hint from this fact in the education of our children. 
 We are apt, when they do wrong, to approach them 
 in direct conflict. Were it not wiser, especially 
 with those very young, to employ some diversion ? 
 A little child utters a fretful expression ; do not fret 
 at him, but utter a few soothing words, take him in 
 your arms, give him something to please him. You 
 may thus check in the bud an irritable disposition, 
 and destroy the germs of anger, disobedience, and 
 violence. 
 
 A sudden and severe punishment, on the other 
 hand, usually excites, instead of subduing, the tem- 
 per. If you strike a child hastily, before you are 
 sure he is to blame, you may do him immeasurable
 
 REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS. 249 
 
 injury. Suppose you have commanded him to do 
 something. Perhaps he does not know whether you 
 are really in earnest ; very small children often mis- 
 take on this point. He looks in your face to judge 
 of your intentions ; if you mean as you say, and he 
 perceives it, you should exact obedience. Yet let it 
 be done calmly, with gentleness joined to decision ; 
 he will then yield to your authority, and at the same 
 time learn from you an invaluable lesson of self-gov- 
 ernment. By patient consideration, and by a delib- 
 erate manner of discipline, our expectations will be 
 moderated, and the immediate effects of our efforts 
 will be as great as we can reasonably anticipate.
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 
 
 THERE is no agency in which man is concerned 
 so secret, so subtile and mysterious in its influence, 
 as that of moral and religious education. I know 
 it is not commonly so thought ; we imagine that 
 there is hardly anything we understand so well 
 as the means and effects of education. Some do 
 not like to hear a sermon or a lecture upon this 
 topic ; they say, " It is dull and trite ; we know 
 everything that can be said about it already. The 
 way to train up a child is as plain as the noonday. 
 Employ a certain well-known series of appliances, 
 teachers, books, &c., and you are sure of suc- 
 cess." 
 
 But is it indeed so ? Why, then, do we have 
 characters so diametrically opposite ' to one another, 
 where the education has been always the same ? 
 Why do scholars differ so entirely in their progress 
 in the same school, and under the same teacher ? 
 Nay, why do children born and bred under one roof, 
 and by the same two parents, prove at last as unlike
 
 INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 251 
 
 as light and darkness ? If we all understand educa- 
 tion so completely, why are so many great questions 
 in regard to it still mooted ? If you say we know 
 all that can be known concerning it, how will you 
 account for the controversies still going on in regard 
 to the comparative value of an education at home and 
 abroad, in regard to the time of commencing, the 
 methods of carrying forward, and even the results to 
 be aimed at in a good education ? If we have fath- 
 omed the depths of this matter, why are the world 
 still divided on that most important point, namely, 
 What can education, under the best circumstances, 
 accomplish ? It is not yet settled how much is due 
 to nature, to original capacities, and how much in- 
 struction can supply. We cannot, indeed, but con- 
 fess our profound ignorance of the heights and the 
 depths of this great mystery. We know not every- 
 thing, but comparatively nothing, of the processes, 
 the means, the powers and influences, that go to 
 make up a perfect education, whether intellectual, 
 moral, or religious. 
 
 The means of culture in general may be divided 
 into two classes, the direct and the indirect. What 
 do we know of each of these ? 
 
 With the first, it is true, we have a somewhat ex- 
 tended acquaintance. Direct and designed educa- 
 tion includes teachers, books, systems, rules, and 
 all the aids and appliances that constitute a school. 
 We know, in the main, what a good teacher is ;
 
 252 THE CHRISTIAN PAEENT. 
 
 he is one who can advance his pupils in knowledge, 
 and train them to mental discipline. We understand, 
 it may be, the difference between manuals of educa- 
 tion, the good and the bad. We comprehend the 
 influence of systems, rules, habits of study, methods 
 of teaching and of government. 
 
 In the case of moral and religious education, we 
 know what lessons can be taught at the fireside, how 
 hymns may be learned, and catechisms recited, and 
 the Bible read or repeated, chapter by chapter. 
 The Sunday school is to us no mystery ; we can 
 tell what constitutes a good Sunday school, how one 
 is to become a faithful teacher, and what interest a 
 child should take in the school. Perhaps we see 
 and know our own duty as parents in relation to the 
 school-room, and are gaining new light, from year to 
 year, by performing that duty. The parent sends 
 his children punctually to school. The teacher is 
 always in his or her place, and consequently the chil- 
 dren are delighted to go, and the class are doing 
 well. And yet, important as are all these outward 
 instruments and helps, I venture to affirm, that, taken 
 alone, unsupported by another set of agencies and in- 
 fluences, they are almost powerless in deciding the 
 final character and the ultimate destiny of our chil- 
 dren. If so, they constitute, in reality, but a sub- 
 ordinate part of education. 
 
 Why do we say this ? Because the indirect and 
 usually unobserved instrumentalities of Providence
 
 INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 253 
 
 do more to make us what we are than either teach- 
 ers, books, lectures, or any or all other merely ex- 
 ternal, direct, and obvious means of education. 
 This is a strong statement, but is it not true ? 
 
 No one can have failed to observe the effect of in- 
 cidental circumstances on the character and the lot 
 of man. A single event will sometimes change the 
 fortunes of a life. The reception of a piece of news 
 to-day or to-morrow may prove a turning-point with 
 us. Sometimes a discourse heard apparently by ac- 
 cident has converted a sinner. A chance word has 
 left an impression on the mind which time could nev- 
 er efface. The casual meeting of a particular indi- 
 vidual, under peculiar circumstances, makes or mars 
 our whole worldly condition. The doing or the not 
 doing one simple thing is decisive, not only of a man's 
 pecuniary condition, but of his entire course of life, 
 it may be of his conduct and character for ever. 
 
 Now these incidental and indirect agencies exert a 
 momentous influence in the education of the young. 
 Robert Nicoll, one of the sweetest and most devout 
 of modern Scotch poets, at the age of seventeen 
 wrote a tale for a child's periodical, which was unde- 
 signedly sent to a certain popular magazine. Had 
 it been rejected, his tender heart would have sunk at 
 the blow ; its acceptance decided him to become an 
 author. The gifted Chatterton was indebted for his 
 taste for English antiquities to the accidental circum- 
 stance of certain ancient manuscripts having fallen
 
 254 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 into the hands of his father, who was a teacher, and 
 who used the old papers that fell in his way to cover 
 the writing-books of his scholars. To this trifling 
 incident was owing a taste that shaped the whole 
 history of that unfortunate youth. Linnaeus was 
 . made one of the greatest of botanists by the circum- 
 stance of seeing a few rare plants in his father's gar- 
 den. But why multiply these illustrations ? Who 
 can doubt that casual influences often decide, not only 
 the occupation, but the intellectual and moral bias, 
 the religious condition and the entire well-being, of a 
 child ? His being born and educated in the city 
 makes him another man from what a country training 
 would have made him. His attendance at a certain 
 school, or his living in a particular neighbourhood, 
 and falling among this or that class of companions, 
 his intimacy with some good or bad boy, all 
 accidental circumstances, rendered him just what 
 he is. 
 
 Who has not seen some one event give a moral 
 cast to the entire life ? The early loss of a father 
 or mother, a severe sickness, domestic reverses, the 
 having some kind friend or some pernicious associate 
 for years at our fireside, the reading of a particular 
 book, laid on our table by another, or thrown by 
 mere chance in our way, while we were young, 
 nay, so trivial a thing as the suspension of a striking 
 engraving or painting where we saw it daily, who 
 can tell but either of these circumstances threw the
 
 INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 255 
 
 one decisive grain into that fearful scale which turned 
 in our childhood for our weal or woe ? 
 
 Looking at the mighty agency of these slight mat- 
 ters, I have often felt that we neglected them too 
 much in our estimate of the means of education. Is 
 it not possible that, in our zeal and haste as educators, 
 we overlook that which after all does more than sys- 
 tems and mechanical aids and outward and intended 
 appliances, however multiplied, in making our chil- 
 dren what they are ? Incidental influences are going 
 on secretly and unseen, and yet, like imperceptible 
 perspiration to the body, they do more than the ob- 
 vious organs and functions toward deciding the health 
 of our inner, immortal man. As the air we breathe 
 depends for its life-giving power on a subtile and la- 
 tent compound of diverse qualities, so is character 
 formed and preserved by methods as mysterious in 
 their blending as they are potent and decisive. 
 
 And now what is the great fountain of the influ- 
 ence I would describe ? Whence does the larger 
 part of incidental education proceed ? Beyond 
 question, it comes from the fireside. Much, it is 
 true, comes from society ; that environs us, like the 
 atmosphere, and in ways we know not affects our 
 modes of thought, our habits of speech, our man- 
 ners, and, indeed, everything that goes to make up 
 the character. Direct instruction, it is true, exerts 
 a vast influence, especially on the young mind ; the 
 books we read do much to mould our opinions and
 
 256 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 feelings ; our companions and friendships contribute 
 largely to the great whole. But beyond them all, in 
 this respect, is our home. The disposition, the tem- 
 per, the principles, and the general cast of the ac- 
 tions of a child, depend on the incidental influences 
 of the family he dwells in, to a degree of which some 
 of us have never yet conceived. Many a parent is, 
 on this account, tearing down with a strong right 
 arm, while he is building up only with the left ; and 
 his set lessons, and the teachers and schools he pro- 
 vides for his children, will therefore prove but untem- 
 pered mortar to the tottering edifice. 
 
 Observe the effect of the common conversation of 
 a family. The child hears thousands of words that 
 drop accidentally through the day, and they touch 
 and move the strongest springs of his character. He 
 notices the manner in which the inmates address one 
 another, and he silently falls into it. If they speak 
 in a loud and harsh tone, so does he ; if gentleness 
 and modesty and a subdued mode of speech predom- 
 inate with them, they do also with him. And what 
 are the great topics of conversation ? Are they the 
 food on the table, the faults of each other, or of 
 their neighbours ? If so, the children think these are 
 to be their great concern. Perhaps the conversation 
 all turns upon business, speculations, losses and gains. 
 Then who can be surprised, if the sons regard 
 money as the chief good of life, and think education 
 has no higher end than to fit one to accumulate prop-
 
 INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 257 
 
 erty ? Are dress and the fashions of the day the 
 engrossing topics ? Why should we be disappointed 
 that the daughters are anxious above all things to 
 know what they shall wear, and how they shall make 
 a figure in society ? 
 
 But let the great subjects of conversation be of a 
 moral complexion, and how different will be the 
 character of the children ! They hear the father 
 speak often of industry, of honesty, and of philan- 
 thropy, as prime virtues. They see that he regards 
 man as of more value than money ; that he loves his 
 country, not merely as a place favorable to com- 
 merce or manufactures or agriculture, but as. a land 
 dedicated to liberty, and possessing institutions able 
 to produce a noble race of men. This is what will 
 make the son a true patriot, an active and benev- 
 olent citizen. Let the mother speak of viftue as 
 the most precious jewel on earth, and of purity and 
 kindness and diligence as the richest of robes, and 
 then the daughter, emancipated from worldliness and 
 vanity and indolence, will grow up an honor to her 
 home and a God's token to the world. 
 
 The indirect effect of the prevalent subjects of 
 conversation in a family can hardly be over-estimated. 
 A common habit is to talk chiefly about other per- 
 sons. But this is always unsafe ; it cherishes an un- 
 charitable temper, for we soon come upon the faults 
 of others when we begin to say much concerning 
 them. And these faults are not referred to with 
 17
 
 258 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 sympathy and compassion, as they should be, but 
 too often with bitterness, or in derision or mere sport. 
 This habit almost inevitably degenerates into gossip, 
 that bane of all intellectual or moral excellence. 
 Therefore would I counsel that our conversation be 
 mainly upon things, not persons ; upon subjects 
 which we know to be safe, useful, enlarging to the 
 mind, and improving to the heart. The world is 
 full of such topics ; it needs only a firm determina- 
 tion to keep them uppermost at the table and the 
 fireside. 
 
 I do not counsel that long and set lectures be 
 given on the good qualities referred to ; this is not 
 incidental, but formal instruction. No ; what is 
 needed are words fitly spoken, adapted to the feel- 
 ings of the child at the time. Our Saviour taught 
 little abstractly; he embraced favorable "opportuni- 
 ties. When the birds passed by, he drew from them 
 a lesson on trust in Providence. If he came, in 
 his walks with his disciples, to the lily, he made it 
 teach them the care of God for all his works, and 
 the sin of undue anxiety. When the sun was rising 
 in his glory, he spoke of himself as " the light of the 
 world." He regarded, too, the varying moods of his 
 hearers, and inculcated love to God or love to man, 
 as the passing scene might suggest. Train up your 
 child in this way, and as the hour is bright or shad- 
 ed, as he is calm or excited, inquisitive or indiffer- 
 ent, so let your words be chosen. Let the wax be
 
 INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 259 
 
 ; 
 
 melted and pliant, and the stamp of the seal will 
 then be deep, beautiful, and enduring. 
 
 But beyond the power of all mere language is the 
 influence of our own character and example. I do 
 not allude to what we do consciously and for the 
 sake of effect. It is the spirit we manifest, and the 
 general tone of our conduct, that fall most effec- 
 tively on those who witness them. What we cus- 
 tomarily do in the presence of children affects them 
 far more than what we occasionally say. We speak 
 of moral as far greater than physical force. Do we 
 exhibit this power ? Is there a vein of it running 
 through our every-day deportment ? Are we pa- 
 cific, free from the war spirit, gentle, forbearing, and 
 forgiving ? If parents respect each other, the sons 
 are more likely to respect them. We desire our 
 children to be pious and reverent ; let them see that 
 we are so ourselves. There is a tribe of Indians 
 who shave the head, as a token of veneration for the 
 Great Spirit. Their little ones, as they look daily 
 on its emblem, must insensibly imbibe that virtue. 
 The mere spectacle speaks louder than words. We 
 wish our children to love the Bible ; it is vain to 
 command them to love it. But if they observe us 
 to read and prize it, they will naturally incline to it 
 themselves. Yes, who can tell what virtue comes 
 from one such example. Precious book ! 
 
 " How many mothers, by their infants' bed, 
 Thy holy, blessed, pure, child-saving words have read."
 
 260 THE CHRISTIAN PAKENT. 
 
 " Thou teachest age to die, 
 And youth in truth unsullied up to grow ! 
 A sunbeam sent. from God, an everlasting how ! " 
 
 Indirect teaching and indirect example, who can 
 estimate their power ! They control the mental and 
 moral destinies of the race. We may require a 
 child to do an act for the sake of his good ; but 
 when by a silent influence we have led him volun- 
 tarily to seek and pursue that good, when we have 
 led him to love goodness for itself alone, when we 
 have brought him to -feel that, under God, he must 
 form his own character and work out his own salva- 
 tion, then have we implanted in him a root of en- 
 during excellence. Ages cannot tell his obligations 
 to such a benefactor. By indirect influences and an 
 attractive example wake up a child's self-respect, 
 and place him, as you then will, in the path of 
 self-education, and you give him an impulse for life. 
 It is as dew to the parched earth, or as the summer 
 shower, calling forth an unfading verdure, an immor- 
 tal beauty. 
 
 In the great work of education we see a vast ar- 
 ray of outward means, instruments, aids, and appli- 
 ances. But let us never forget that there is one 
 agency mightier than them all,, which we do not see. 
 It is secret, subtile, impalpable, yet ever operating 
 and ever influential. It is the power of example. 
 What we teach our children is one thing, what we 
 do in their presence is quite another. We give
 
 INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 261 
 
 them direct and formal exhortations, and these have 
 their weight ; but far. more is there in the remark we 
 let fall incidentally, or the conversation they over- 
 hear |phen we least imagine it. Nor is it the course 
 we recommend by words, but our own conduct, which 
 goes deepest into their hidden being. " The infant 
 mimics the motion of your hand, or the expression 
 of your countenance ; but at ten years he adopts," 
 not the outward, but the inward part of your life ; he 
 adopts " the principles of your conduct, and imbibes 
 the spirit of your heart." This it is which our chil- 
 dren daily watch, and this it is which, more than all 
 things else, will form their opinions and decide their 
 character, in youth, manhood, and through their 
 whole future existence. 
 
 The parent, let us suppose, professes religion ; 
 but to what purpose, if his child sees him as worldly- 
 minded, as avaricious, as fond of luxury, display, 
 and fashion, as those who make no profession ? 
 Why should we laud forgiveness, if we are our- 
 selves implacable, laying up injuries, and resenting 
 them by our coldness, if not by open retaliation ? 
 Children notice every inconsistency of this kind ; 
 and to teach with our lips what we unteach con- 
 sciously and continually, perhaps, too by our 
 lives, what is it but to shake their confidence, not 
 only in ourselves, but in the reality of religion, and 
 even in the very foundation of good morals ? 
 
 No Jesuitry can succeed with a child. The at-
 
 262 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 tempt to keep up good appearances with him will 
 certainly fail. We cannot deceive him ; he pene- 
 trates through every disguise, discovers each attempt 
 at duplicity, and looks straight into our hearts. 
 Therefore must we be not try to seem, but be 
 what we wish our children to become. Just as 
 kind and amiable as we desire to see them, and just 
 as fretful, impatient, and selfish as we expect them 
 to be, must we be ourselves. What we do sincere- 
 ly, that and no more will they believe in, sympathize 
 with, and permanently imitate. 
 
 Let me at this point insert a caution against mis- 
 apprehension. I have spoken warmly of the power 
 of incidental means and undesigned influences in de- 
 ciding the character. Let it not be thought I would 
 discontinue or disparage the direct means of instruc- 
 tion now in use. No, let us still have teachers, and 
 earnest and faithful ones. Better teachers and bet- 
 ter manuals of instruction the age loudly demands. 
 Let the Sunday school be prized and cherished by 
 parent, teacher, and child. But, meantime, let us 
 heed well the great work going on out of all schools. 
 Society, companions, and, above all, home, to 
 these we should give new attention and untiring care. 
 Watch events, occasions, and circumstances ; they 
 enfold the germs of many a flower ; for weal or for 
 woe, they shed a daily influence on the young. 
 Through them we may instil those two great prin- 
 ples, the pillars of all true excellence, a deep,
 
 INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 263 
 
 sincere piety, and a steady self-denial. If we med- 
 itate upon our God and Father ourselves, and if we 
 show that his will is the law of our own lives, we 
 shall do much to make our children remember their* 
 Creator in the days of their youth. Let us deny ap- 
 petite, worldly propensities, and all that is selfish, 
 and we shall need few .words to win the all-observing 
 child, full of sympathy and prone to imitation, to en- 
 ter himself that path which our Saviour once trod, 
 and to which he so earnestly calls us.
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. CONTINUED. 
 
 A CHILD who is surrounded by good domestic in- 
 fluences grows up imperceptibly in the likeness of 
 Jesus. It is well known that most of the knowledge 
 gained in our earliest years is poured insensibly upon 
 the mind. The eye is then keen-sighted, the ear is 
 acute, all the senses are in full vigor, and the world 
 is one uninterrupted scene of novelties. What 
 amazing progress does the child make, independ- 
 ently of all books, teachers, and voluntary applian- 
 ces, in the first six years of his life ! What floods 
 of original ideas spring up in his mind, stimulated, as 
 it constantly is, by the objects around it ! 
 
 In the same manner the moral nature is touched 
 and swayed by undesigned influences far more than 
 by all direct instrumentalities. Therefore it is that, 
 in the words of another, " the true mode of instruc- 
 tion in morals is, by example more than by pre- 
 cept, to train, and form correct habits, rather than to 
 lay down abstract propositions. In this way a good 
 moral tone may be made a part of the child's nature,
 
 INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 265 
 
 and it may be more easy for him to do right than 
 wrong." That child who sees habitually none but 
 correct examples has little disposition to do other 
 than imitate them. As he inhales the air insensibly, 
 so does he draw in virtuous principles, pure thoughts, 
 elevated and enlarged feelings, with his every breath. 
 
 On the other hand, it requires a more than mortal 
 power to lead a child in the path of virtue while 
 we are walking ourselves in the opposite direction. 
 How is it possible to awaken and sustain a fraternal 
 spirit in a family of children where the parents are 
 partial, unjust, kind to one and unfeeling toward 
 another ? The polluting influence of this spirit is 
 painfully illustrated in the history of Isaac as touch- 
 ing his sons Jacob and Esau ; and still further in the 
 effect of Jacob's partiality to Joseph. What ma- 
 lignity do we sometimes see produced by family fa- 
 voritism ! In the distribution of property, how much 
 domestic misery has it caused ! Envy and jealousy 
 are the inevitable results of parental partiality. It 
 not seldom embroils the father and mother, arrays 
 the children against each other, and, as in the case 
 of Joseph, combines all the others against the fa- 
 vorite child. 
 
 Vain, therefore, are all direct attempts to cherish a 
 Christian spirit in the family while this indirect in- 
 fluence is inflaming its members one against the other. 
 The conscientious parent will guard against partiality, 
 as a corrupter of his own heart and as the bane of
 
 266 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 domestic peace. If he find himself drawn by any 
 good quality toward one of his children, he will at 
 once seek for some equally amiable property in the 
 others. And should he fail to discover any such, 
 he will pity the errors he perceives, pardon his chil- 
 dren's infirmities, and pray for an even-handed jus- 
 tice ; and soon will he find that his way is no longer 
 unequal. 
 
 Few things are more important in the education 
 of a family than a perfect agreement between the 
 husband and wife. If the mother feel objections to 
 the father's modes of government, she should not 
 express them in presence of their children. One 
 parent should not allow a child to do what the other 
 has forbidden. They ought to make suggestions 
 to each other, of course, with freedom and mutual 
 respect and affection. But let this be done when 
 they are alone. A small child especially should 
 never imagine that his parents differ in regard to 
 the mode of his education. Before he is old enough 
 to understand the reasons of their differences of 
 opinion, it can only do him harm to hear their dis- 
 cussions. 
 
 Little children should believe that their parents 
 agree as to what is best for them ; otherwise, neither 
 parent can- expect implicit obedience. If a child 
 sees his father and mother arrayed against each other, 
 he does not know which to obey, he loses confidence 
 in both, and at last even in the distinction between
 
 INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 267 
 
 right and wrong. How can children pespect their 
 parents, when they hear them in constant altercation 
 on any subject whatever ? But if that subject be 
 their own management and discipline, they will soon 
 lose all regard for the judgment of either of their 
 parents. Or, if this be not the result, they will take 
 side.s with one parent and against the other, and the 
 house will be divided against itself. Let them, 
 therefore, reserve the discussion of their different 
 plans of education to a private hour ; and never let 
 the one undo the work of the other, or counteract 
 his or her commands to their children. 
 
 The indirect influence of so slight a thing as the 
 names and epithets by which parents and children 
 address each other is by no means unimportant. 
 Many advise that children should speak to their par- 
 ents as their equals. They think it appears stiff in 
 them to say u Sir " to their father ; they approve of 
 a greater familiarity of address. But do we see any 
 improvement in the character and manners of those 
 children who adopt this 1 equalizing tone to their parents ! 
 I admire intimacy and freedom between parent and 
 child ; but when all restraint is destroyed, and the 
 father and mother are treated with disrespect, nay, 
 as we often now see, with absolute rudeness, I am 
 led to ask whether the old^was not the better mode 
 of addressing parents. If your child does not ad- 
 dress you, his guardian and guide, with as much 
 respect even as you do your neighbour and equal in
 
 268 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 age and station, pray what have you gained by al- 
 s lowing him to lay aside that little word " Sir " ? 
 
 Still more objectionable is the practice on the 
 part of the parent of applying low and coarse epi- 
 thets to his child, either as tokens of affection or in 
 moments of passion. " The little toad " may sound 
 pleasantly to a mother, but such language is a part 
 of the great means by which the taste of a family 
 becomes depraved, and hence their morals often 
 corrupted. Sure I am that none can apologize in 
 their calmer moments for the use of such phrases as 
 "you villain," " you rascal," &c., which phrases, 
 and others equally objectionable, are by no means 
 uncommon on the lips of parents who would resent 
 the appellation of immoral or vulgar. The connec- 
 tion between low language and a low character is 
 closer than most of us imagine. Let the parent, 
 then, resist the beginnings of this evil. 
 
 Nothing contributes more to the work of incidental 
 culture than a habit of observation in the child. We 
 are surrounded by objects with whose extent and 
 variety the longest life cannot make us fully acquaint- 
 ed. There lie at our very feet treasures of knowl- 
 edge which the utmost application on our part will 
 not exhaust. Within the present century what re- 
 searches have been made in the physical sciences, 
 and what splendid discoveries in every department 
 of nature do we constantly witness ! Reason dare 
 not predict, imagination cannot conceive, that any
 
 INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 269 
 
 boundaries will ever be found to the progress of 
 the human mind in the realms of science and art. 
 
 Now this is the scene on which every child 
 enters at his birth. He is instantly a discoverer, 
 placed in a world filled with objects adapted to his 
 powers and capacities, as they shall be successively 
 unfolded from infancy onward to old age. And his 
 Creator has furnished him with all the instruments 
 and helps which for the first few years he will need 
 to prosecute his investigations. How simple, yet 
 how almost omnipotent, are these few bodily senses ! 
 The eye, capable of grasping myriads of objects as 
 they pass within its field of vision ! The ear, suscep- 
 tible to the countless sounds that fill and enrich the 
 all-encompassing atmosphere ! Think of the wealth 
 within the reach of the other marvellous organs of 
 sense, and you at once perceive that one thing only 
 is needful to bring stores of this wealth within our 
 personal appropriation ; and that is the habit of ob- 
 servation. 
 
 Let the little child be trained to see and hear 
 every thing around him, and he is made heir to a 
 fortune which no acres or mines could have bestowed 
 on him. Leave him to grow up without this habit, 
 and, though in the midst of abundance, he is poor and 
 miserable. I have somewhere read an account of 
 a walk taken by two boys, the one after the other, 
 entitled " Eyes and no Eyes, or the Art of See- 
 ing." It gives an admirable illustration of the dif-
 
 270 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 ferent degrees of knowledge gained by different in- 
 dividuals amid the same scenes. One sees some- 
 thing new every step he takes, the other sees noth- 
 ing ; to the former the walk was full of interest, and 
 has left on his mind delightful recollections ; to the 
 latter it was a dull scene from beginning to end, and 
 he remembers it only with aversion or indifference. 
 
 If, then, you would open before your children 
 springs of unfailing happiness, teach them, both by 
 precept and example, never to pass, without seeing 
 it, any object which may afford them the least in- 
 formation. There is little hope of a girl who always 
 replies to your question, What took place where 
 you were ? " I did not mind." She always should 
 mind ; for heedlessness is the root of manifold evils. 
 It exposes us to constant dangers, and it cuts off 
 many an opportunity to learn something useful. 
 
 Montaigne, in his remarks on the education of a 
 boy, says, " Let him examine every man's talent ; 
 a peasant, a bricklayer, or any Casual passenger ; a 
 man may learn something from every one of these in 
 their several capacities, and something will be picked 
 out of their discourse, whereof some use may be 
 made at one time or another ; nay, even the folly 
 and weakness of others will contribute to his instruc- 
 tion. Let an honest curiosity be planted in him to 
 inquire after every thing." 
 
 It is to this habit of noticing all that came within 
 their view that we owe the great number of self-
 
 INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 271 
 
 educated men who have adorned the history of our 
 race. We can supply, to a large extent, the defi- 
 ciencies of a poor education, if we employ earnestly, 
 in after life, all our faculties of observation. While, 
 on the other hand, no amount of academical instruc- 
 tion, no array of diplomas and degrees can render 
 one eminent in a knowledge of the outward universe, 
 who having eyes seeth not, and having ears heareth 
 not. 
 
 Strongly as I have recommended in this volume 
 the culture of a child's moral and spiritual nature, I 
 would never undervalue an education that prepares 
 one for this tangible world. Our Creator and Father 
 gave us this world no less than that which is invisi- 
 ble. The child should therefore be qualified to know 
 and appreciate its objects. We are to educate his 
 senses as well as his spirit. He must be stored with 
 a liberal knowledge of external things ; matters of 
 fact, real life, the world just as it is, let this be a 
 careful study of his earlier years. Let him not be 
 left ignorant of practical affairs ; do not suffer him, 
 in his devotion to books, nor yet to business, to 
 dwindle down to that ludicrous figure, " the absent 
 man." 
 
 We educate our children indirectly by those pe- 
 culiarities in which we allow ourselves, that are sub- 
 ject to their observation. You desire your son to 
 notice every thing which occurs in his presence ; 
 perhaps you teach him to do this. Forget not, then,
 
 272 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 that his keen eye is fixed constantly upon you ; and 
 remember also that he will imitate whatever he ob- 
 serves. So far, indeed, does this principle extend, 
 that we often see a boy incline his head precisely 
 like his father. A train of sons shall walk up the 
 aisle of a church, each having the same limp with the 
 head of the family. Whatever be the manners prev- 
 alent at the table, the children carry them wherever 
 they dine. The daughters are erect or otherwise, 
 modest or bold, gentle or boisterous, according as 
 the mother is in these several respects. If the par- 
 ents use vulgar language, or a profusion of excla- 
 mations and epithets, so do the children. Are they 
 refined in their conversation, and subdued and guard- 
 ed in their modes of expression, so are the sons and 
 daughters. 
 
 Who, then, can exaggerate the importance of care 
 on the part of the parents in regard to personal 
 peculiarities ? What a motive have they to watch 
 their own manners, language, and tones, and their 
 habits in every particular. Look daily at your chil- 
 dren and see yourselves as in a mirror. You cannot 
 look there too earnestly; for it will lead you to 
 amend your errors of deportment, and so to bear 
 yourself in presence of your family that you will not 
 blush to see your own image reflected all around 
 you. 
 
 Incidental education leads a child, not only to 
 imitate the manners, but also to catch the mind, the
 
 INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 273 
 
 principles, and the inmost feelings of his parents. 
 He sees, as it were, their naked hearts, and no 
 sooner does he see than he begins to transcribe their 
 features. Whether his pattern be right or wrong, he 
 follows it implicitly. The parent writes down some 
 sentence touching immortal interests. Happy if it 
 be pure truth ; but be it truth or error, it is borne 
 away at once by his child and committed to a stereo- 
 type plate. With what care, knowing this fearful 
 fact, should he record each sentence. How clearly 
 does it now appear that the personal virtue of the 
 parent, his inward purity, expressed by love to man 
 and love to God, and by the strictest obedience to 
 his commands, can alone save his child. This course 
 alone will reveal to the parent the way of duty, and 
 enable him to be a safe guide therein. So is it that 
 " to love and to do the Holy Will is the ultimate 
 way, not only to know the truth, but to lead others," 
 and emphatically little children, " to know it." 
 
 The view here presented may appear to some 
 dark and depressing ; the responsibility seems great- 
 er than can be borne. But there is one considera- 
 tion which will do much to reconcile us to this con- 
 dition. It is for the moral good of the parent him- 
 self to be subject to this solemn weight. How many 
 fathers and mothers would have neglected their own 
 characters perhaps altogether, had not the parental 
 relation quickened them to reflection ! They have 
 been brought to think of their own future interests in 
 18
 
 274 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 meditating upon those of their children. " The con- 
 sideration that their own characters would be com- 
 municated to those whom they loved more than 
 themselves, that their children would receive from 
 them principles, habits, and feelings, has induced a 
 watchfulness, a regularity of speech and conduct, 
 and an application to duty, by which their own souls 
 have been purified. Children are inestimable bless- 
 ings by calling forth the consciences of their parents. 
 The instructions we impart come back upon our- 
 selves." 
 
 On the other hand, we may not forget that paren- 
 tal unfaithfulness not only blights the character of the 
 children, but reacts with a terrible force on the par- 
 ents themselves. By an old law of our Puritan 
 ancestors, cursing or smiting a parent by a child 
 over sixteen years of age was a capital offence, with 
 three saving clauses, one of which was the child's 
 having been " unchristianly neglected in its educa- 
 tion." This was a reasonable exception ; for why 
 should the whole penalty of the offence be laid on 
 the child, when the parent contributed so largely to 
 occasion it ? If the father and mother consciously 
 fail in the discharge of their duty, on them should 
 rest the retribution of that failure. 
 
 Under all laws and in every condition of society, 
 and I may add, amid our varying modes of religious 
 education, this will hold true, that the parent must 
 reap as he sows. If he do his own duty faithfully,
 
 INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 275 
 
 then, even though his child prove reprobate, his 
 reward in the form of an approving conscience and 
 in the reflected virtue of his efforts upon his own 
 character is sure as the heavens' established course. 
 Let him neglect his duty, and it is equally certain 
 that the tares he has sown, when they spring up in 
 the debasement of his offspring, will pierce him like 
 the poisoned arrow, and destroy his peace, ii not his 
 very life.
 
 CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 INDIRECT INFLUENCE OF THE MOTHER. 
 
 THE indirect influence of the mother can hardly 
 be exaggerated. Her conduct, tone, and spirit are 
 a vital part of that atmosphere by which the moral 
 life of a child is sustained. She should act as the 
 presiding genius of the family in this respect. Her 
 air and manner should be such as to quell the waves 
 of domestic discord. Indeed, her power is such that 
 by fidelity to her nature she will spread the sunshine 
 of joyous hearts and loving tempers over the whole 
 household. 
 
 In the language of Amid Martin we see that u in 
 children sentiment precedes intelligence ; the first 
 answer to the maternal smile is the first dawn of 
 intelligence ; the first sensation is the responding 
 caress. Comprehension begins in feeling ; hence, 
 to her who first arouses the feelings, who first 
 awakens the tenderness, must belong the happiest 
 influences. She is not, however, to teach virtue, 
 but to inspire it. What is a child in relation to a 
 tutor ? An ignorant being whom he is called upon
 
 INDIRECT INFLUENCE OF THE MOTHER. 277 
 
 to instruct. What is a child in relation to a mother ? 
 An immortal being, whose soul it is her business to 
 train for immortality. Good schoolmasters make 
 good scholars, good mothers make good men." 
 Who, then, does not look with an unquenchable in- 
 terest on our mothers ? Who can over-estimate their 
 share in the work of incidental education ? 
 
 The relation between the mother and her chil- 
 dren presents constant opportunities for the kind of 
 influence in question. There are two points toward 
 which her attention should be specially directed. 
 The first is health ; during the period of infancy, she 
 cannot be too watchful in laying the corner-stone of 
 a sound constitution. She will consider that what- 
 ever other gifts or acquisitions may be within the 
 reach of her children, if they are sickly and feeble, 
 these things can be of little value to them. Let the 
 days passed in the cradle be marked by care of the 
 health, let the air of the room be kept pure, the first 
 food of the child be simple and wholesome, and 
 above all, let the system of drugging be avoided, and 
 there is good hope for the future. 
 
 During the middle period of childhood the chief 
 points must be to continue a plain but abundant diet, 
 to guard the child against the changes of weather, 
 and to secure a liberal amount of physical exercise. 
 The mother may do much to make household pur- 
 suits a means of exercise, ; but her daughters need 
 also the open air. Let them have ample time to
 
 278 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 walk, ride, trundle hoop and Sport with their com- 
 panions. Give them the time, and in most cases 
 nothing more will be necessary. They have at this 
 age an instinctive love of being abroad and engaging 
 in amusements that invigorate while they gratify. 
 
 But the period which follows presents a difficulty 
 on the subject of health. The daughter becomes 
 now inactive ; she is less and less disposed to take 
 physical exercise. Perhaps she thinks it undignified, 
 and dreads nothing so much as the appellation of a 
 romp. No more may she join in the frolicsome 
 scenes of the past. She must move about the house 
 with a measured step, and to walk in the streets with 
 any other than a staid and matronly gait would haz- 
 ard, perhaps destroy, her reputation. There are 
 exceptions to these remarks ; some girls continue so 
 free in their movements as to need a caution against 
 being rude. But in general what I have said is true ; 
 and it requires the constant care of the mother to de- 
 vise means and methods of physical exercise for her 
 daughters. Unless she encourage such methods as 
 are agreeable in themselves, furnish an " attractive 
 industry," countenance the fireside dance, the fre- 
 quent walk and the pleasant ride, she must not be 
 disappointed if she see tokens of a decaying health. 
 
 This suggestion is the more needed, from the ten- 
 dency in our age to increase very much the amount 
 of study required of our elder daughters. They are 
 in some schools forced along with such speed, that,
 
 INDIRECT INFLUENCE OF THE MOTHER. 279 
 
 unless we augment proportionally their opportunities 
 for exercise, it will not surprise me to see diseases 
 of the spine, pulmonary complaints, and dyspepsy 
 scattered broadcast among this class of scholars. If, 
 especially, we add lessons in drawing and confine- 
 ment to the piano, hour after hour in the day, to the 
 tasks of the school-room, we have no right to expect 
 health unless we add still further abundant means 
 both of domestic exercise and locomotive recreation. 
 It rests mainly with our mothers to say which branch 
 shall be taken of this fearful alternative. 
 
 The other point to which I referred is this, the 
 strengthening of the mind and the culture of common 
 sense. We see many mothers anxious for the school 
 education of their daughters, and desirous of their 
 being praised as fine scholars, who feel little solici- 
 tude apparently for the expansion of their judgment 
 in every-day affairs. They do not put forth that 
 indirect influence which they constantly might, to 
 lead them to think and talk of the common pursuits 
 of life. Why should not a girl know the prices of 
 the various articles used in the family, and where and 
 how they are purchased ? Why should she not join 
 in the conversation upon rents, taxes, laws, and to 
 tome extent in what is said upon politics ? Let her 
 know something, I would say, of her father's avoca- 
 tion, and of all the various employments, arts, trades, 
 and professions in the world. Let her not grow up 
 a nere bookworm, nor yet be limited to the little 
 roind of domestic pursuits.
 
 280 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 Were our daughters educated in this manner, they 
 would be qualified for the responsible station of the 
 head of a family. We should not see so many pos- 
 sessed at the time of their marriage of " every kind 
 of sense but common sense." We give our sons an 
 invigorating mental culture ; why should not daugh- 
 ters have the same ? Let their minds be stored with 
 science, and their intellectual powers be trained to 
 the utmost, in the school-room. But do not leave 
 them here ; home should pursue this work ; fathers 
 and mothers should make it their distinct plan and 
 their steady effort so to educate, not the boy only, 
 but the girl also, that with all their " gettings they 
 will get understanding." Then will the future hus- 
 band have an intelligent companion, one for whose 
 mental powers he will never blush. Then if, by a 
 sad providence, the wife be left widowed, the sole 
 head of her household, she will be prepared for the 
 exigency. Nay, to look no farther, in justice to her 
 nature, and in obedience to the claims of her immor- 
 tal capacities, let the mind of the girl and the woman 
 be harmoniously and perfectly developed, a true 
 image, like that of man, of their common God and 
 Father. 
 
 An important part of indirect education consists 
 in surrounding the young with objects which elevate 
 and refine the taste. Much is now done for tie 
 intellect in our schools, and on the Sabbath we have 
 a system of moral and religious culture of exceedng
 
 INDIRECT INFLUENCE OF THE MOTHER. 281 
 
 value. But we lack corresponding means and exer- 
 tions for the purification of the tastes of our youth, 
 and the improvement of the social influences around 
 them. The love of gain is becoming more and more 
 intense, and material interests are fast acquiring the 
 ascendency among our aims and efforts. Our chil- 
 dren drink early into this spirit. The boy is told 
 that he goes to school to prepare himself to transact 
 business and accumulate property ; and the girl is 
 promised a high place in society if she is well edu- 
 cated. And the Sunday school too often makes 
 success in this life the ultimate purpose of its training. 
 
 Success is important ; let us amass wealth and 
 develop our material resources ; and let us seek an 
 elevation in society, if we do it by honorable and 
 Christian methods. But let us not leave our chil- 
 dren amid the low and comparatively trivial pursuits 
 of earth and time. Let not self be the centre and 
 circumference of their aspirations. Set before them 
 still higher objects ; impress on them a sense of 
 the beautiful ; make them familiar with the principles 
 of taste, and enrich their minds with the treasures 
 of imagination. 
 
 It is to be regretted that we have so few means 
 as yet in this country for the culture of these noble 
 faculties. In the Old World there are galleries of 
 sculpture, halls of paintings, venerable and magnifi- 
 cent cathedrals, and other similar attractions, often 
 open to the people free of expense. When shall we
 
 282 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 rival the Old World in this respect ? Time must 
 pass first ; but we have many elements even now for 
 a generous popular education in the appreciation of 
 works of taste. We are beginning to have exhi- 
 bitions of paintings, art-unions, and associations of 
 architects. Let our parents and teachers encourage 
 their children to visit as many works of art as pos- 
 sible. 
 
 A coarse taste is closely connected with vice. 
 As a moral defence, therefore, of the young, we 
 should familiarize them with objects and scenes that 
 tend to refine the taste. Let there be collections 
 of pictures, gatherings of flowers, floral proces- 
 sions, water-works and fountains, and every instru- 
 mentality for educating the eye, and through that 
 purifying the spirit. Nor let the ear be forgotten ; 
 music is a spiritual exercise ; in its best uses it tends 
 to exalt the mind and amend the heart. Where the 
 soul is preoccupied with a love of good, the access 
 of what is low, sensual, and debasing is made slow 
 and difficult. Take, then, your children to the con- 
 cert-room ; let them from their earliest days enjoy 
 liberally recreations of which music forms at least a 
 portion. Purity, piety, and benevolence not to 
 mention a fund of inexhaustible happiness are con- 
 nected with good music. Economize in other re- 
 spects, that you may have means to supply your 
 children from this blessed storehouse. 
 
 Fill your home, and surround it, as far as possi-
 
 INDIRECT INFLUENCE OF THE MOTHER. 283 
 
 ble, with pure, attractive, and impressive objects. 
 Were a child encompassed by the beautiful forms 
 and the harmonious breathings of painting, sculpture, 
 architecture, and music, and did he at the same time 
 receive a corresponding treatment of affection and 
 sympathy from parents, friends, relatives, and asso- 
 ciates, terror and punishment, together with the 
 moral evil that occasions them, would disappear, and 
 love and beauty would become the guides of his 
 actions, the rules of his life, and their own exceeding 
 recompense. 
 
 I am led here to name, among the means of in- 
 cidental education, the power of a pleasant voice. 
 No apology will be necessary for the repetition in 
 this place of a few thoughts I have elsewhere given 
 to the public. It is usual to attempt the manage- 
 ment of children either by corporal punishment, or 
 by rewards addressed to the senses, or by words 
 alone. There is one other means of government, 
 the power and importance of which are seldom 
 regarded. I refer to the human voice. A blow 
 may be inflicted on a child, accompanied by words 
 so uttered as to counteract entirely its intended effect. 
 Or, the parent may use language in the correction of 
 her child, not objectionable in itself, yet spoken in a 
 tone which more than defeats its influence. 
 
 We are by no means aware of the power of the 
 voice in swaying the feelings of the soul. The an- 
 ecdote of the good lady in regard to her minister's
 
 284 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 sermon is to the point. She had heard a discourse 
 from him which pleased her exceedingly. She ex- 
 pressed to a friend the hope that he would preach it 
 again. "Perhaps," said her friend in reply, "he 
 may print it." "Ah," said she, "he could not 
 print that holy tone." There is a tone in the pulpit 
 which, false as is the taste from which it proceeds, 
 does indeed work wonders. So is there a tone in 
 our intercourse with children which may be among 
 the most efficient aids in their right education. 
 
 Let any one endeavour to recall the image of a 
 fond mother long since at rest in heaven. Her 
 sweet smile and ever clear countenance are brought 
 vividly to recollection. So also is her voice ; and 
 blessed is that parent who is endowed with a pleasing 
 utterance. What is it which lulls the infant to re- 
 pose ? It is no array of mere words. There is no 
 charm to the untaught one in letters, syllables, and 
 sentences. It is the sound which strikes its little 
 ear that soothes and composes it to sleep. A few 
 notes, however unskilfully arranged, if uttered in a 
 soft tone, are found to possess a magic influence. 
 Think we that this influence is confined to the cra- 
 dle ? No, it is diffused over every age, and ceases 
 not while the child dwells beneath the parental roof. 
 Is the boy growing rude in manner and boisterous 
 in speech ? I know of no instrument so sure to 
 control these tendencies as the gentle tones of a 
 mother. She who speaks to her son harshly does
 
 INDIRECT INFLUENCE OF THE MOTHER. 285 
 
 but give to his conduct the sanction of her own 
 example. She pours oil on the already raging flame. 
 
 In the pressure of duty we are liable to utter our- 
 selves hastily to our children. Perhaps a threat is 
 expressed in a loud and irritating tone. Instead of 
 allaying the passions of the child, it serves directly to 
 increase them. Every fretful expression awakens in 
 him the same spirit which produced it. So does a 
 pleasant voice call up agreeable feelings. Whatever 
 disposition, therefore, we would encourage in a child, 
 the same should be manifested in the tone with which 
 we address him. 
 
 There is nothing more desirable in a daughter than 
 intelligence joined to a gentle spirit. The mind is 
 fashioned and furnished, in the main, at school. But 
 the character of the affections is derived chiefly from 
 home. How inestimable is the confidence of that 
 mother in producing kind feelings in the bosoms of 
 her children, who never permits herself to speak to 
 them with a loud voice, and in harsh, unkind tones ! 
 
 I have heard of a father, who, when his children 
 became engaged in a dispute, would at once require 
 them to unite in a song. The blending of their 
 voices in harmony was soon found to subdue their 
 angry and contentious feelings. There is a native, 
 spontaneous, unsought music. It consists in the 
 tones which issue from her who is overflowing with 
 Christian love. While, then, I would advise the 
 mother to the culture of a pleasant voice, and warn
 
 286 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 her of the evils of addressing her children harshly, I 
 would still more earnestly counsel her to discipline 
 her heart. Out of a kind heart come naturally kind 
 tones. She who would train up her family in the 
 sweet spirit of Christ can succeed hest and most 
 enduringly of all, by cherishing such sentiments as 
 shall seek their own unbidden expression in gentle 
 yet all-powerful tones. 
 
 The power of a patient and forbearing spirit over 
 the disposition of a child is too important to pass 
 unnoticed. Many things occur daily to irritate the 
 young child. He is suffering from some pain ; he is 
 tired, or hungry^ or thirsty, or has lost some play- 
 thing. These appear small things, perhaps, to the 
 busy mother ; she cannot lay aside her work to at- 
 tend to them. And yet the neglect to do this, even 
 for a few minutes, may lay the foundation in her 
 child of a fretful spirit for life. Every reasonable 
 want of these little ones should be immediately re- 
 lieved. And in regard to what we think their un- 
 reasonable wants, they are real ones to them, and 
 would appear so, perhaps, to us, were we little chil- 
 dren ourselves. 
 
 The example of a patient mother soon spreads 
 among her older children. When they see her wait 
 on the infant, and toil by day and by night over the 
 sick one in the family, and when they observe her 
 calm and kind with her domestics, unrepining in her 
 own illness or fatigue, always active, and always
 
 INDIRECT INFLUENCE OF THE MOTHER. 287 
 
 cheerful, they insensibly imbibe the same beautiful 
 spirit themselves. The father is perplexed by his 
 business, and weary with labor and care. Some- 
 times, perhaps, he comes home excited and irritable. 
 But if his children witness in him constant efforts to 
 be mild, even-tempered, and patient, they cannot 
 but learn to control themselves. 
 
 Amid the various conditions and characters of a 
 household there is a continual demand for the cul- 
 ture of mental tranquillity and Christian forbearance. 
 One of the children meets with a sudden and dan- 
 gerous accident ; it requires great self-possession to 
 do promptly and with good judgment what ought to 
 be done for him. The little girl has torn her dress, 
 perhaps carelessly, and for the hundredth time. 
 The mother is excited by it, and, unless habitually 
 patient, she may do or say that of which she will af- 
 terwards repent. Here is a boy who is bedridden 
 with some chronic disease. He is made childish 
 and fretful by his sufferings, and what a store of pa- 
 tience does the mother require to watch over him by 
 day and by night, to give up the pure air and cheer- 
 ful society she could find abroad, and sit by his side 
 and adapt herself to his fitful humors ! 
 
 It is said that the love of the mother is usually 
 greatest for the sick or the deformed one of her chil- 
 dren. A beautiful compensation of Providence is 
 this ! But it will require an almost unearthly forti- 
 tude to bear such a lot without ever repining or ever
 
 288 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 becoming impatient. She who bears herself firmly 
 as well as tenderly through a long trial of this kind, 
 earns richly that crown which is reserved for those 
 who " endure unto the end." Her example sheds 
 a perpetual light through her dwelling, and she can- 
 not fail to infuse a portion of her divine spirit into 
 the breasts of her children.
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. 
 
 PARENTAL ANXIETIES. 
 
 THAT great question propounded originally in the 
 hill-country of Judea, and in relation to him who in 
 after years was to herald the Messiah, is always 
 raised in the heart of the thoughtful parent when 
 first intrusted with the care of a mortal, immortal 
 beins; : " What manner of child shall this be ? " 
 
 o 
 
 The little one, all unaware of its own fearful des- 
 tinies, is to other bosoms an object of untold anx- 
 ieties. There are two spirits watching and waiting 
 round it, to whom, from the earliest to the latest mo- 
 ment of its life, it is henceforth to be a fountain 
 either of joy or of grief. 
 
 First comes the anxious inquiry, Are the organs 
 and functions of its body, that workmanship of God, 
 so " fearfully and wonderfully made," all perfect 
 and sound ? If this question be answered affirma- 
 tively, another quickly presses on its footsteps, Are 
 the powers of its mind sane and healthful ? Does 
 it show signs of intelligence ? That interrogatory 
 cannot be answered at once. But if the months and 
 19
 
 290 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 years, as they pass, at length relieve all anxiety on 
 that point, yet another issue comes up. How shall 
 this our child be established in the world ? What 
 is to be his calling ? And what will help him to 
 succeed in that calling ? In what schools, and 
 how, shall he best be trained for it ? This daugh- 
 ter, what is to be her fortune in life ? O for 
 some magic power to reveal to us her future condi- 
 tion ! 
 
 But have I unrolled the entire map, and shown 
 all the regions of parental anxiety ? Ah, no ! there is 
 one more yet, and great, indeed, it is. On any wise 
 and prudent estimate of life, how insignificant does 
 every other solicitude appear, when compared with 
 this : What is to be the character of our child ? 
 Will it be such that we can look upon it with satis- 
 faction, and hear it spoken of without a pang or a 
 blush ? Have we here before us one who will re- 
 flect the smile of his Father in heaven, and to whom 
 Christ and virtue will be dear ? O, if this question 
 also could be answered as we wish, peace would be 
 on our pillow, and sunshine on our path. 
 
 It seems among the mysteries of Providence that 
 one little being should have power so to hold in its 
 tiny hand that balance in whose scales are to be 
 placed, through all their coming years, the chief 
 joys and the most pungent sorrows of two other 
 care-burdened hearts. Why is it so ? Must this 
 'be of necessity ? Have we no retreat from so per-
 
 PARENTAL ANXIETIES. 291 
 
 ilous a position ? Is there nothing we can do to as- 
 suage this flood of anxieties ? 
 
 In many respects God is a sovereign dealing with 
 us as it seemeth to him good. Our own destiny is 
 to a large extent at the disposal of Providence. So, 
 also, is that of our children. Whether they shall 
 possess all the faculties that constitute a perfect 
 child, a sound mind in a sound body, depends en- 
 tirely on a power beyond our own. To what He 
 wills, be the cup bitter as it may, we must bow with 
 unquestioning submission. In regard, also, to the 
 establishment of our children in the world, and to all 
 those circumstances which in a secular aspect will 
 prove either their bane or their blessing, to an im- 
 measurable degree, their lot is in the hand of the 
 Lord, and with him is the disposing thereof. It is 
 comparatively little that we can do, if we desire it, 
 to insure them an affluent fortune, or to place them 
 in elevated and honorable stations. There is a finger 
 that guides these and all kindred movements, of 
 which we know nothing. We can do something to 
 shape their course and results, but after all our best- 
 laid plans may be frustrated, and all the hopes that 
 rested on them driven away like the chaff before the 
 wind. 
 
 How often do we see ambitious men toil to lay 
 the foundations of a conspicuous family ! They 
 heap up wealth, they seek office and place ; perhaps 
 they intermarry with the rich, the honored, or the in-
 
 292 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 tellectually great. A generation passes, and their 
 sons squander their wealth, become addicted to vice, 
 or degenerate in mind, and the aspirations of the fa- 
 ther prove but " the baseless fabric of a vision." 
 Sometimes a similar issue is consummated by dis- 
 ease and death. Father and son, mother and daugh- 
 ter, are successively called away ; and the fortune 
 so fondly looked upon as a tower of family pride and 
 strength is scattered among strangers. 
 
 But, as respects that other great fountain of pa 
 rental anxieties, the character of their children, if 
 that be made the supreme concern, God has given 
 them power to do much not, indeed, everything, 
 but very much toward deciding the course of 
 its waters. When, in view of its moral and relig- 
 ious condition, the father and the mother inquire, 
 " What manner of child shall this be ? " the reply 
 depends, in no ordinary degree, upon themselves. 
 
 It is for the parent to decide what instructions his 
 child shall receive. The nursery is the first school- 
 room, and the mother the primary teacher. It de- 
 pends on -her tuition what conceptions shall be earli- 
 est given to the little one of this mysterious world. 
 If her face has the sweetness of maternal virtue, and 
 her tones are ever gentle and soothing, then the new- 
 comer will believe himself in a happy world. Alas 
 for him, if he encounter in his very cradle a counte- 
 nance marred with selfishness and sin ! Pitiable is 
 his lot, terrible must earth seem to him, if his tender
 
 PARENTAL ANXIETIES. 293 
 
 ear is shocked by the harsh notes of an unfeeling 
 mother ! 
 
 The character of the child will receive readily the 
 impress of piety if the father be a true representative 
 of our Father in heaven. It is for him to determine 
 whether the earliest idea this little one will have of 
 that Being is, that he is wise and good, full of all 
 lovely and all -venerable attributes, or the reverse 
 of this, an object of aversion, if not of positive 
 terror. 
 
 A fundamental part of the character consists of 
 conscience. This faculty, it is true, is the gift of 
 God. But its development and its integrity de- 
 pend mainly on parental education. Let the moth- 
 er never mislead her child during his first years in 
 regard to right and wrong, and his moral judgments 
 in after years will seldom be erroneous. The father 
 can do much to decide whether this inward guide 
 shall be trustworthy, leading to duty and life, or per- 
 verted and blind, conducting to error and ruin. The 
 first lessons on this subject always sink deepest ; the 
 unworn soil produces the most luxuriant harvest. 
 
 The anxious parent must watch his own lips ; for 
 out of his mouth are the issues of his child's life. 
 The language of a mother is graven as with the point 
 of a diamond on the infant mind. Other inmates of 
 the family are uttering many words in the young ear, 
 but the flowing years will wash them for the most 
 part away. Not so with hers ; they with their in flu-
 
 294 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 ence will abide. The father is dropping casual ex- 
 pressions, unaware, perhaps, of the little listener at 
 his side, who is drinking them greedily in. Yet 
 think of the power of these expressions ! The 
 stream now rolls quietly along, depositing on its 
 banks a life-giving sediment, but anon it flows over, 
 and leaves in some valley stagnant waters, that in 
 summer days produce miasma and death. Who, 
 then, as he loves and fears for his child, will not 
 save him, so far as his own example goes, from the 
 moral peril of corrupt communications at the fire- 
 side ? 
 
 We are anxious that the future man should be 
 pure, filled with good principles, and established in 
 good habits. Let us, then, fashion the child accord- 
 ingly. We have before us a mind that is pliant and 
 ductile ; now is the time to give it its true direction. 
 The elm in the nursery can be bent, by a slight ef- 
 fort, to any shape we desire ; let it grow up to a 
 tree, and no force can bend its massive trunk. The 
 germs of a good character are obedience, truthful- 
 ness, affection, and moral independence. Plant 
 them in the child, and you need not fear that they 
 will be wanting in the man. 
 
 A great source of parental solicitude is the com- 
 panionships of children. Cowper felt the dangers 
 from this quarter so keenly, that he wrote against a 
 public education. Many parents would secure their 
 children by shutting them out from society. But is
 
 PARENTAL ANXIETIES. 295 
 
 this a wise course ? Were it not better, instead of 
 secluding a boy from the world, to fortify his mind 
 with correct principles, and confirm him in good 
 habits, and then, imploring for him the shield of 
 God, send him forth thus armed to resist evil coun- 
 sels and examples, and overcome temptation ? Can 
 one by a life spent in moral hermitage become a 
 strong man and an accomplished Christian ? Trial 
 alone, we know, can test the character. Is it, then, 
 wise to exclude a child from every scene and situa- 
 tion in which he can be tried ? To discriminate on 
 this subject, and impose none but healthful restraints, 
 is no easy task, it is true. But wisdom, I think, 
 forbids all extremes ; let, then, our anxiety shun ex- 
 tremity in this respect. " Guarded exposure " is 
 probably the best position to form a child's char- 
 acter. 
 
 We are anxious that our children should have a 
 religious faith ; it would shock us to think they might 
 become infidels or skeptics. Most of us desire 
 them to embrace the tenets of our peculiar denom- 
 ination of Christians. But let us not forget that we 
 have no security for their believing according to our 
 heart unless we give them full and distinct religious 
 instruction. If we neglect to do this, they will 
 probably either have no definite opinions on the 
 subject, or believe according to what they may hap- 
 pen to hear in casual conversation among their com- 
 panions, or what is instilled into their minds either
 
 296 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 by the scoffing unbeliever or the proselyting bigot. 
 Some views, of one kind or another, in regard to 
 God, the Bible, and the nature, duty, and destiny of 
 man, they will undoubtedly have. If, as a parent, 
 you care at all what they are to be, perform now the 
 great share you can to decide their complexion. 
 
 In regard both to the instructions and the habits 
 of a child, it is not possible, I think, to keep him 
 from being exposed to evil persuasions and evil ex- 
 amples. We should set it down, that poisonous in- 
 fluences, sooner or later, will distil error into his ear. 
 If we do this, we shall prepare him for the danger ; 
 our good lessons will then pour themselves in at the 
 time of need like a healing balm. So in respect to 
 our children's moral habits ; they will see and hear 
 much adapted to pollute their characters. Shall we 
 leave them unarmed, unprotected, in the conflict 
 with sin ? The seasons are passing swiftly on, and 
 as sure as they live they will reap a spiritual harvest 
 of some kind from seeds sown in society. It is for 
 us to determine whether such seeds shall be plenti- 
 fully intermingled as will prevent a crop of unsightly 
 weeds, and insure fair flowers and rich fruits. 
 
 An alarming feature of this age is the increase of 
 juvenile depravity. Our houses of correction and 
 reform schools are crowded with the young. " I 
 have seen them," says an eyewitness, " gathered 
 at the bar of justice, mere boys and girls, on whose 
 young faces sin had but commenced the work of
 
 PARENTAL ANXIETIES. 297 
 
 disfigurement. The image of God was tarnished, 
 but by no means as yet effaced. To save these and 
 such as these," he adds, " all the legal measures in 
 the world would be unavailing. Reformation must 
 come from within, outwards. It must commence 
 with the sow/." 
 
 And now who is to begin this great work ? You 
 have only to look at the origin of most of this juve- 
 nile crime for a reply to this question. These chil- 
 dren are usually convicted of "stubbornness." And 
 why are they stubborn ? Because they have been 
 neglected at home. They have not been governed, 
 instructed, and trained by their parents. What par- 
 ent can tell whether the dearest child of his own, if 
 thus culpably neglected, may not yet be arraigned 
 before some court of justice ? Certain it is, that if 
 we allow our children to disobey us, and leave them 
 unrestrained and morally uneducated at the fireside, 
 we contribute a share toward that melancholy degen- 
 eracy which is crowding our courts and prisons with 
 juvenile offenders. 
 
 The burden of parental anxieties is much increased 
 by the multitude of influences which are more and 
 more taking our children and youth away from their 
 homes. They soon think themselves men and 
 women, and many of them, impatient of being con- 
 fined to their native spot, roam abroad in search of 
 gain and preferment. Some parents partake in this 
 spirit, and consent readily to part with their children.
 
 298 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 Not a few send them away to some boarding-school, 
 without a thought of the evil consequences. Let it 
 be that some immediate advantages come from this 
 course. Doubtless a boy learns better to take care 
 of his clothing and personal effects when he has no 
 mother to lean upon at his side. His manners, also, 
 are likely to be improved by the change. But these 
 are all external things ; the internal welfare of the 
 child must suffer more or less by his being removed 
 from home. 
 
 Teachers constantly tell us that they need the co- 
 operation of parents. They want them to look to 
 daily for support in their plans of instruction and 
 government. They wish to refer their scholars fre- 
 quently to their example and influence. We are 
 assured by them that, as a general principle, their 
 best scholars, and those whose deportment is most 
 commendable, come every day from the home influ- 
 ence of father and mother, brothers and sisters. No 
 stranger, however kind and faithful, can supply this 
 domestic influence ; let a child grow up without it, 
 and there is a certain gentle, humanized tone of 
 character which you miss in him. We see this of- 
 ten in those unfortunate individuals who were bereft 
 in their boyhood of a mother by death. Nothing 
 can ever atone for that loss. 
 
 One of the evils of college life is, that it takes the 
 student away from the softening, sanctifying environ- 
 ments of home. It deprives him of those genial
 
 PARENTAL ANXIETIES. 299 
 
 fireside influences which are most of all needed at 
 that period of life when the intellect is expanding 
 and the character is receiving a permanent impress. 
 The wise parent will retain his son in the bosom of 
 his family, at almost any sacrifice, until his prepara- 
 tory education is completed. He will relieve him- 
 self of that fearful anxiety which every conscientious 
 parent must feel when compelled early to part from 
 his child. 
 
 Home influence is needed, among its other offices, 
 to form in the young correct habits of conversation. 
 No circle is so favorable to this work as that of an 
 exemplary family. The parent may well think with 
 solicitude of the daily influence of his manner of con- 
 versation. If he is careless in his modes of expres- 
 sion, or vulgar, so will his child be ; let him be 
 guarded and grammatical, his example is imitated. 
 I once knew a father who had never learned a line 
 of grammar, yet, through observation and watchful- 
 ness, so correct was he in his use of language, that 
 he often criticized the expressions of his children, 
 school-bred though they all, and college-bred though 
 some of them, had been. Let the parent, then, be 
 a pattern in this respect. As he dislikes affectation, 
 and would preserve his children from it, let him cul- 
 tivate simplicity of speech, and utter himself only in 
 the unadulterated tongue of his native land. To 
 protect his children against vulgarisms in conversa- 
 tion, let him not rely upon books and teachers alone, 
 nor yet upon cultivated society abroad, important
 
 300 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 as all these are in their places, let him depend 
 mainly on the steady influence of the pure language of 
 father and mother, brothers and sisters, at the fireside. 
 
 A sense of our own defects and incapacities as 
 guides and models sometimes oppresses us. But it 
 is a merciful appointment of Providence, that, be- 
 neath the pressure of parental anxieties, the father 
 usually cherishes the hope, that in the end his son 
 will supply his own deficiencies, and, though he 
 should fail for a time, yet at last will become better 
 than himself. Amid the shifting prospects of the fu- 
 ture, the heavens, he trusts, will at length settle, the 
 clouds roll off, and the bright sun shine steadily on. 
 If it is not so with us, if we find gloom and despond- 
 ency, for any cause whatever, coming upon us as 
 parents, let them not abide in our hearts. It is the 
 part both of wisdom and piety, as on all other sub- 
 jects, so on this of the welfare of our children, to 
 trust in God. Doubt and fear, in their excess, al- 
 ways enfeeble the spirit, and disqualify us for the 
 work in hand. The father and mother are unfitted 
 by them for a patient and persevering culture. They 
 thus tend to fulfil that dark prophecy in which we 
 sometimes morbidly indulge ourselves. " Hope on, 
 hope ever," should be the motto of the parent. 
 
 Even though we can see little promise at this mo- 
 ment in our children, yet let us not forget that they 
 are still young, and susceptible of improvement. 
 Often we see a change come over the character of a 
 child where it was least anticipated. The reckless
 
 PARENTAL ANXIETIES. 301 
 
 one becomes thoughtful, the idle one industrious ; 
 the sensual turns to spiritual things ; the mind un- 
 folds, and the whole character is consolidated ; and it 
 is now stable, progressive, instinct with a new force 
 and a new life. Never, indeed, does a human being 
 sink so low that he cannot still rise. To the latest 
 hour, then, let the anguished heart which sees a 
 dear child gone astray hope and pray and strive 
 for his return to virtue and peace, and remember 
 that, in the -high dealings of our benignant Father, 
 " all things are possible." 
 
 The lot we stand in, let us look at either or all of 
 our children, must, it is true, be one of greater or less 
 apprehensions. From the birth of these young beings 
 up to this present hour, we have held their destiny 
 in our hands ; to us their immortal well-being has 
 been intrusted. And so it will be in all coming 
 time. Whether we dread and would shun, or 
 whether we welcome the office, we must continue to 
 hold it. How shall it be filled ? Here is a father ; 
 what will he say and do for his children ? He must 
 train them to something. Will he by word and by 
 deed educate them in the love of God, in purity of 
 heart, in righteousness, temperance, charity, and the 
 love of their whole race ? Or will he breathe over 
 their tender spirits the moral poison of worldliness 
 and irreligion, of servitude to appetite and self and 
 sin ? That mother, will she bless her babe in its 
 cradle ? Will her face beam with piety, and the lit- 
 tle one through her drink into the gentleness and
 
 302 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 fidelity, the meekness and self-sacrifice, of Christ ? 
 Will husband and wife talk to each other of the char- 
 acter of -these their children, and hand in hand unite 
 in training them up for usefulness and honor ? What 
 issues are connected with the replies to these few 
 questions ! 
 
 No wise parent can bring such issues before his 
 mind without at once saying within himself, Are 
 such destinies committed to my hands ? Then will 
 I give myself now, while the years are rushing by, 
 and before the opportunity be lost, even now, to im- 
 planting good principles and forming good habits in 
 my children. Let me do this, and then the time will 
 surely come, when youth and passion are over, in 
 which they will give thanks that my commands were 
 ever upon them, and that both by precept and ex- 
 ample I guided them aright. Then, if not before, 
 my reward is sure. Yes, even though for a time my 
 efforts should seem to fail, yet at last, when they 
 come to feel the need of power to resist the tempta- 
 tions and to bear the trials of life, they will rejoice 
 that parental fidelity was not sacrificed to a misguid- 
 ed indulgence. And when I have gone to my rest, 
 they will prize the precious inheritance I left them ; 
 and for evermore they will venerate the image and 
 bless the memory of that anxious being who prayer- 
 fully and devotedly trained them up in that good way 
 from which they have never been left by their Divine 
 Parent to depart. 
 
 Impressed with these and similar considerations,
 
 PARENTAL ANXIETIES. 303 
 
 and led by conviction no less than instinct, what 
 true parent does not live more and more in and for 
 his children ? The father may be an unbeliever ; but 
 he finds no support in temptation, and no comfort in 
 trouble, from his unbelief, and he loves his son too 
 well to see him follow in his own steps. He desires 
 him to believe in God and Christ and heaven, and 
 to live according to his faith. How little does the 
 good parent think or care for anything personal to 
 himself, compared with his interest in the condition 
 of his children ! Let them be well provided for, let 
 them be in good situations, and all doing well, ap- 
 proved by their employers, or successful in their 
 studies, and let their characters be daily improving, 
 he asks no more. He must decrease ; happy is he 
 if they meantime increase. 
 
 The true mother is absorbed in her children. She 
 gives up the apparel she desires, that they may be 
 better clad ; she takes the plain food, and gives 
 them the choicer ; she foregoes society, many a priv- 
 ilege, many a comfort and pleasure, for their sakes 
 alone. If her daughters are coming forward with 
 promise, their minds well cultivated, their disposi- 
 tions gentle and bland, full of love to others and of 
 disinterested acts, then, it matters little what is her 
 own lot, she is content. And if the Father visits 
 with severe sickness her who has a circle of helpless 
 ones leaning upon her, and her case at length be- 
 comes critical, we hear her breathe the low prayer, 
 "For myself, O Father, I am resigned to thy
 
 304 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 will, and ready to depart ; but, for the sake of my 
 poor children, I could wish to be spared." So is it 
 that of the parent we may say emphatically, Whether 
 he live, or whether he die, it is not unto himself. 
 
 And now, what should be the supreme anxiety of 
 the parent ? He may feel solicitous in regard to the 
 life and health of his children ; their worldly condi- 
 tion may occupy many of his thoughts. His spirit 
 may, and sometimes must, be troubled as he thinks 
 of their present and future characters, and their stand- 
 ing in society. But his supreme anxiety should be 
 that he may do his own duty in regard to them. 
 t; For their sakes," he should say, " I will sanctify 
 myself." If I 'can only be what I ought to be as a 
 moral and religious being, and if I can but do for 
 them all I am bound to do as their parent, I may 
 leave the rest in the hands of their Divine Parent. Be 
 this, then, our great care, our chief study and labor. 
 
 Father, mother, you are daily engraving a plate 
 whose impressions these little ones will take for the 
 untold ages that lie before them. You are writing 
 a record, not only for yourself, but for these chil- 
 dren, each of which is a second self. Then 
 
 " Guard thy heart's album. Of its slightest trace 
 Who knoweth the full import? It may help 
 To fashion motive, and to color fate ; 
 Nor canst thou tell how strong a thread it weaves 
 Into the web of deathless destiny, 
 Till at that solemn audit thou dost stand 
 Where deed and thought shall find their perfect weight, 
 And just reward."
 
 CHAPTER XXIV. 
 
 EDUCATE JOINTLY FOR BOTH WORLDS. 
 
 WE are accustomed, in considering the welfare of 
 our children, to separate too much in our thoughts 
 the present from the future world. We esteem one 
 mode of education as suited to qualify them for busi- 
 ness and action in this life, and another as demanded 
 in the preparation for the life to come. 
 
 But is there indeed a great gulf that thus divides 
 the two worlds ? The New Testament teaches us 
 otherwise ; our Saviour constantly united the mortal 
 and the immortal, earth and heaven. " I am the res- 
 urrection and the life," said he, "and whosoever liv- 
 eth and believeth in rne shall never die." How in- 
 timate must be the connection between the present 
 and the future life, if this language be true ! The 
 employment of the saints above must be, not a new, 
 untried, and inconceivable work, but the continuance 
 and perfection of what they commenced below. 
 That child who is being well trained for the labors 
 and duties of this world, is receiving the best pos- 
 sible education for the world of spirits. If we would 
 20
 
 306 , THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 have the branches outspread and loaded with fruit in 
 the celestial garden, the tree must be reared amid 
 .the nurseries of earth. 
 
 To educate for both worlds, we must give the 
 body its due care, no less than the spirit. It is not 
 enough to set before ourselves exclusively the train- 
 ing a child's soul for heaven ; nor yet to give him 
 a good intellectual and moral preparation for earth. 
 These things are the end, but they do not include all 
 the means, of education. Those embrace the care 
 of the physical, as much as they do that of the spir- 
 itual nature. 
 
 The more perfect, indeed, the mental and moral 
 education we propose to give our children, the great- 
 er is the demand for the preservation and improve- 
 ment of their physical system. As your daughter 
 advances from one grade of schools to another, in- 
 stead of diminishing her amount of healthful exer- 
 cise, as is so often done, she should increase it. 
 If her mind is unusually interested in any subject 
 whatever, be it sacred or secular, now is the time to 
 watch well her health. The principle on which this 
 new care is required is simply this, that we must 
 always keep up the balance between the action of our 
 nervous and our muscular energies. If the mind for 
 any reason is severely tasked, the body must have an 
 extraordinary amount of exercise. To disregard 
 this rule in the child, when the brain is, as we know, 
 peculiarly tried by study, is fatal to his future well- 
 being.
 
 EDUCATE JOINTLY FOR BOTH WORLDS. 307 
 
 Nor is this all. If you aim only to give your child 
 the best possible mental or spiritual education, you 
 cannot do this except his health be good. How can 
 he study to advantage under the burden of a nervous 
 headache, or the depression of dyspepsy ? What 
 progress can your daughter make in her school tasks, 
 while a spinal pain and distortion are daily growing 
 upon her ? Little can she accomplish under that 
 lassitude which proceeds from the neglect of bodily 
 exercise. It is equally difficult at any period of life 
 to possess cheerful and true views of religion and 
 heaven and duty, while borne down by some insid- 
 ious disease. 
 
 For the sake, then, of the mind and the soul, 
 for the interests both of time and eternity, we should 
 guard well a child's physical nature. Let there be 
 walks in the open air, the use of the dumb-bells to 
 expand and strengthen the chest, and liberal exercise 
 for every part of the body. The diet should be 
 plain, but abundant, and let us never stint the access 
 of our children to cold water. If they are accus- 
 tomed to that alone as a beverage, they will desire 
 no other. Tea and coffee, those subtile poisons to 
 many constitutions, will never tempt them as they do 
 most of us ; they will drink of choice that pure ele- 
 ment provided so liberally by our beneficent Crea- 
 tor. Let them early learn the external use of water ; 
 every child should bathe daily in water, cold or 
 tepid, according to the season. As a purifier of the
 
 308 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 skin, and as a tonic to the whole system, its value 
 can hardly be exaggerated. " Cleanliness is~next to 
 godliness " ; physical and mental purity usually go 
 hand in hand. See, also, that your child has pure 
 air in the room where he studies, and in the chamber 
 where he sleeps. Many a fever might be traced 
 to the foul atmosphere of our sleeping-apartments. 
 The Christian parent will pardon my going thus far 
 into a subject, whose moral and religious aspects 
 are hardly less important than those exclusively 
 physical. We should glorify God in our bodies no 
 less than our spirits. 
 
 It is of vital importance to a sound education of 
 our children, that they should be taught on one all- 
 comprehensive plan. It should be a plan not con- 
 tracted to this life alone, nor yet to the future life 
 alone. Nor, again, must we think to form the young 
 only for manhood and its active, responsible stations. 
 They are first to be children ; and it is to make 
 them better children that our great aim and endeav- 
 ours should tend. 
 
 If we seek to prepare a child for heaven alone, 
 and not for earth also, we wrong an essential part of 
 his nature. It is not merely for conversion to God, 
 a single, insulated event, that we were placed in this 
 world. Conversion is indeed needful for the sinner ; 
 but to turn from our sins at some one moment of life 
 is not the whole, nor the chief, purpose of our be- 
 ing. No, man was made for the formation of char-
 
 EDUCATE JOINTLY FOR BOTH WORLDS. 309 
 
 acter, to reach, through trial and temptation, a state 
 of holiness and perfection. Whatever plans of ed- 
 ucation stop short of this great object are to be dis- 
 countenanced, as inadequate to the demands of hu- 
 man nature. Whatever, on the other hand, leads 
 upward and onward, a life of progress, be it through 
 childhood or maturity, through life or death, in heav- 
 en or on earth, every such course, and all such in- 
 fluences, should be welcomed by the parent. The 
 only true and living faith is that which 
 
 " elevates the just 
 Before and when they die ; 
 And makes each soul a separate heaven, 
 A court of Deity." 
 
 The language just quoted is indeed poetry, but it 
 is also truth. Why, but to join the two worlds, did 
 Jesus Christ take little children in his arms, and say, 
 " Of such is the kingdom of heaven " ? If we are 
 to believe him, our work with the young is to retain 
 their infantile purity, and to retrace those sacred 
 lines which the world so soon and so sadly effaces 
 from their hearts. We must labor, not to separate, 
 but to keep together, what God hath joined in them, 
 
 childhood and youth, the young with the old man, 
 
 time with eternity. 
 
 There seems to be a prevalent misapprehension 
 on this subject. I once heard an intelligent individ- 
 ual and an exemplary Christian remark of a candi- 
 date for the ministry who had died in the morning of
 
 310 THE CHBISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 his life, " What a pity that so much time and ex- 
 pense have been bestowed on his education ! " As 
 if intellectual instruction and moral culture could ever 
 be wasted on an immortal being ! If we believe the 
 soul lives on for ever, and starts in the future life 
 where it ended its course here, why should we la- 
 ment having given a son a liberal education, even 
 though he was at once removed by death ? Nothing, 
 nothing whatever, that is pure, and elevating, and ex- 
 pansive in its influence, can be lost on the undying 
 spirit. Everything which prepares one for honor- 
 able success and true usefulness on earth is a part 
 of that infinite training which stretches through eter- 
 nity. 
 
 Let me not be thought to say, that an education in- 
 tended merely for this world includes all that is need- 
 ful for human salvation. This is my view : I 
 would connect by indissoluble bonds the entire ex- 
 perience of man and the whole circle of his duties. 
 There should be no high wall of which it could be 
 said, on this side all is good, and on that side all is 
 evil, while both, it is said in the same breath, must 
 be recognized as parts of education. The true sys- 
 tem of training embraces, on the contrary, broad prin- 
 ciples, covering all periods of life, and every part of 
 the character. 
 
 Teach the child, first, to love his Father in heav- 
 en. ' Teach him next, nay, if he feel habitually this 
 holy affection, he will be self-taught, to "do all
 
 EDUCATE JOINTLY FOR BOTH WORLDS. 311 
 
 things to the glory of God." That disposition will 
 sanctify whatever occupies his mind or his hands. 
 It will make study and recreation, labor and rest, 
 alike acceptable to Him whose laws extend over 
 every hour of our lives, and every act, word, and 
 thought. 
 
 Instruct your child to reverence and obey his con- 
 science, and let him make everything in which right 
 and wrong are involved however insignificant oth- 
 ers may regard this or that particular act a con- 
 cern of conscience. Lead him to form all his opin- 
 ions on the broadest ground he can take, and in 
 conformity to everlasting .truth. Do all you can to 
 give him elevated and enlarged associations with his 
 domestic relations. Connect as many ties as possi- 
 ble with the world of spirits. Has he lost some 
 dear relative or interesting companion ? Point him 
 to the departed one as still living, as being now and 
 having been always joined to him by spiritual bonds. 
 Do not leave his imagination to dwell on the body, 
 but direct it to the soul. Speak of the lost one as 
 looking down upon him from his new home with an 
 unquenchable love, and desiring nothing so much as 
 that he may be pure and good enough to join him in 
 his pleasant abode. 
 
 To unite the two worlds closely, we should place 
 our children under those holiest of teachers, the 
 dead. How would they be redeemed from evil, 
 how, indeed, kept for ever from its paths, could
 
 312 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 they be impressed with an abiding belief that the fa- 
 ther, the mother, the brother or sister, they had lost, 
 was in no important sense dead, but rather enjoying 
 a truer life ! Death so associated, instead of being 
 " the king of terrors," would be to them a messen- 
 ger of love. The early called would seem to them 
 intrusted with new privileges, elevated to the high 
 office of watching round their path below, and wait- 
 ing to accompany them at last up to their dear Fa- 
 ther in heaven. 
 
 But it is no light task to render these views famil- 
 iar and operative in the minds of the young. If we 
 would have all events and influences combine to this 
 end, we must inculcate and reiterate in their hearing, 
 and by our own conduct also, that truth which Jesus 
 laid as the corner-stone of his religion, that " the 
 kingdom of God is within "us. It must be imbed- 
 ded in the child's heart, that his good or ill for every 
 stage of his existence will depend on his inward con- 
 dition. Nothing is more difficult than to make a 
 child realize this ; he believes, and clings with deter- 
 mination to the belief, that, if he can only gain all he 
 desires of outward possessions, he shall want no 
 more. All his troubles, he is sure, proceed from 
 abroad. He will break his toy, charging that with 
 being the cause of those sufferings which spring only 
 from his own uncontrolled passions. 
 
 Now, we can do little on the plan just proposed, 
 until we have first eradicated these false ideas of the
 
 EDUCATE JOINTLY FOR BOTH WORLDS. 313 
 
 source of happiness. A child must be convinced, 
 by some means, that, if he is happy, the secret of it 
 lies in his own breast ; let him see distinctly that 
 nothing whatever can satisfy an unhappy disposition. 
 When he is peevish, impatient, dissatisfied with 
 every person and every thing about him, turn his 
 thoughts in to the fountain of his disquietude, make 
 all his experience reveal himself to himself, and con- 
 vince him, as you thus can, that to cultivate peace 
 within is to bring heaven down to earth. 
 
 I cannot forbear adverting once more to the im 
 portance of inspiring the young with a habit of self- 
 culture and self-trust, from its bearings both on their 
 temporal and spiritual good. Many children grow 
 jp leaning on their family connections. They think 
 it enough for them that their father has wealth, or 
 intellect, or office. This is to be their passport 
 through life ; wherever it is known from what family 
 they come, they will be sure of honor and success. 
 They are proud of their name, perhaps puffed up by 
 their ancestry. But how vain is every such depend- 
 ence ! Under monarchical governments a family 
 name and rank and titles secure favor and success ; 
 but in this land they avail, at most, very little. 
 
 Every boy should be taught that he must have a 
 root in himself, that he must work with his own 
 hands or his own brain, and determine, under God, 
 by his personal efforts, what he will be. In his spir- 
 itual condition and destiny, your child must stand
 
 314 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 alone. He is a responsible being, to answer for him- 
 self at the bar of Heaven. Your piety will not be 
 transferred to his account ; he cannot pass, on the 
 strength of your character, the fearful ordeals of the 
 present and the future. Why, then, let him think to 
 make a pillar of you in his secular affairs ? Better 
 you were the poorest of the poor, so that he knew he 
 could not depend on you for the least pecuniary sup- 
 port, than that he trust in your wealth, and grow up 
 feeble in mind and body, a mere shadow of yourself. 
 Help him liberally, but only on condition that he will 
 also help himself. Teach him that he must be a moral 
 architect, build his own fortune, start where you did, 
 work as you have, and be himself a master in busi- 
 ness, qualified to be the independent head of a new 
 and honored family. 
 
 In approaching the conclusion of this volume, I 
 will say a few words in reply to an objection to its 
 views and plans which has occurred, undoubtedly, to 
 many parents as they have read its several chapters. 
 " How can we possibly find time to do so much 
 personally for the education of our children as you 
 would require ? We must provide for the outward 
 wants of our family ; and to do this we must labor 
 constantly in the workshop, on the soil, in the count- 
 ing-room, or wherever our occupation calls us. We 
 must have," says the mother, " proper food and 
 apparel for our children, and suitable furniture and 
 order and cleanliness in all the apartments of our
 
 EDUCATE JOINTLY FOR BOTH WORLDS. 315 
 
 house. These things we must secure, and when we 
 have done that, we find we have little time left to at- 
 tend to the minds and morals and manners of our 
 children." 
 
 Alas ! here are the shoals and rocks on which we 
 wreck our vessel. We invert the order of Prov- 
 idence ; we place that last which God ranks first. 
 According to his arrangement, home is to be a 
 means, but never the end, of life. Its duties were 
 intended, not to overlay and stifle the inner man, but 
 to call forth its powers, to perfect it in virtue, to 
 qualify it for heaven. It was not intended that we 
 should sacrifice the spirit to the body ; both the out- 
 ward and the inward have a rightful place ; the two 
 worlds were to meet at the fireside. 
 
 I do not believe that our duties ever come into an 
 unavoidable conflict. We have time for all that is 
 required of us. We can do everything necessary 
 for the subsistence and comfort of our families, and 
 still form in ourselves and our children the Christian 
 character. Were this, however, untrue, did exigen- 
 cies arise in which either the outward or the inward 
 must suffer from want or neglect, no sane mind 
 can doubt which should have the first place in our 
 care. If cases do actually arise in which we must 
 neglect either the body or the soul of a child, the 
 gratification of his palate or the training of his mind, 
 his clothing or his character, I think no conscien- 
 tious parent will hesitate which to choose. He will
 
 316 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 say within himself, " Plain bread and water from the 
 spring shall be on our table, and the coarsest raiment 
 in our wardrobe, if I can provide nothing better 
 without being knowingly unfaithful to the moral and 
 spiritual improvement of my children." 
 
 Some things, indeed, in regard to our children, we 
 may neglect with impunity. We are anxious to lay 
 up property for their sakes ; and if we can do it 
 without detriment to their characters, let it be done. 
 But we can leave this undone, and, in the prov- 
 idence of God, it may prove in the end better for 
 them than the largest estate. It may impress on 
 them the need of self-dependence, and compel them 
 to work with their own hands, and thus form habits 
 of industry, economy, and temperance. We desire, 
 perhaps, to raise them in the social scale, and to 
 bring them into the circle of the rich, the learned, 
 and the distinguished. We have ambitious views in 
 regard to their occupation and their elevation to 
 places of honor and trust. But what though we fail 
 in all these aspirations ? We have lost only what 
 pertains to earth and to the perishable man. But, 
 ah ! if we fail to provide for their immortal interests 
 and their spiritual elevation, if, either to indulge 
 them or to spare ourselves labor, we leave their 
 minds all barren of divine knowledge, and their 
 hearts frivolous or worldly, if we permit ease or 
 pride or lust to canker their souls, then, so far as 
 they are concerned, we have sacrificed the gold for
 
 EDUCATE JOINTLY FOR BOTH WORLDS. 317 
 
 the sake of the dross. We have not only prepared 
 a bitter cup for our own lips, but have laid up a for- 
 tune for them that will turn into ashes. 
 
 I have thus far admitted that the right education 
 of a child costs his parent more labor and hardship 
 than it would to leave him to himself. But I will 
 now say, and observation and experience confirm 
 the position, that, taking the whole period of the 
 child's pupilage into the account, it costs less labor 
 and hardship to train him up in the right than in the 
 wrong way. 
 
 Obedience has been set forth prominently through- 
 out this volume, as a pillar in the temple of educa- 
 tion. But who has not seen that those children who 
 obey their parents implicitly are managed with far 
 more ease than those who constantly resist parental 
 authority ? It requires, I admit, some decision and 
 energy to establish one's authority firmly over a 
 child ; it cannot be done with most children, except 
 by persevering labor. But when it is done once, 
 it is done for ever. Then blows are not needed, 
 nor are many words, to secure uniform obedience 
 and all the blessed results that flow from it. 
 
 Take, on the other hand, a child who has never 
 yielded to the command of his parent, as a com- 
 mand, and what is more difficult than to educate 
 him aright ? The mother will talk incessantly to her 
 intractable little boy ; she will now coax him, and 
 now pursue him with scoldings ; she will try to hire
 
 318 THE CHRISTIAN PAKENT. 
 
 him by cakes and toys to do what she wishes ; she 
 threatens to punish him ; she holds up the authority 
 of the father in terror before him ; she tells him 
 wRat trouble he gives her, and appeals alternately to 
 his hopes and his fears, to his gratitude and his sense 
 of respect. By every device and plan and effort 
 she labors, until often she is exhausted and discour- 
 aged, to induce him to a commendable deportment. 
 And after all she fails ; he grows up disrespectful, 
 selfish, indolent, the very reverse of what her heart 
 desires. She permits her daughter, until she be- 
 comes a young woman, to cling to her pillow in the 
 morning, not having the energy to arouse her at the 
 proper hour. By a little effort, comparatively, she 
 might have made her an early riser. But now she is 
 a slave to this child. She must be summoned again 
 and again, every motive appealed to, method after 
 method tried, to induce her to rise. And all with- 
 out success ; "A little more sleep, a little more 
 slumber," is the daily reply to her calls. The pa- 
 tience of the mother is wearied out ; the whole fam- 
 ily must wait for the over-indulged daughter, or the 
 table stand hours for her convenience, and the do- 
 mestic arrangements of the entire morning be dis- 
 turbed by her slothfulness. 
 
 Now all this labor and trouble would have been 
 spared by securing in the infancy of her children a 
 habit of obedience. That done, a word, a look 
 even, would have usually sufficed to control them.
 
 EDUCATE JOINTLY FOE BOTH WORLDS. 319 
 
 The first steps taken right, all the rest had been 
 comparatively easy. For the sake, then, of econ- 
 omy, to save time and save labor, we should do our 
 work with a child faithfully. If we teach him all we 
 think he ought to be taught, train him as our con- 
 science dictates, require of him prompt obedience, 
 and lead him to self-government from the very 
 cradle, we shall spare ourselves untold labors and 
 anxieties, and at the same time lay a good foundation 
 for him in this world and the world to come. 
 
 Let us now settle well in our minds the great pur' 
 pose of this life, intellectual advancement and 
 moral and religious progress. Never may we forget 
 that, by the appointment of God, they are to be made 
 one, inseparably and for ever. Life and death, 
 united by Him, let them not be disjoined by us in 
 our efforts to educate the young. Christ calls to his 
 arms the lambs which our Father hath given us. 
 Why should we, by our remissness, forbid them to 
 approach him ? What better can we do for them, 
 either in a temporal or a spiritual regard, than to 
 commit them to his charge ? As we would prepare 
 them for a secular avocation, and should consider it 
 a culpable negligence not to do this, so let us train 
 them for their heavenly calling. God has done 
 his part nobly in the nature he has given them ; 
 he places a crown of glory on the brow of each of 
 our children at its birth. But they need cherubims 
 and a flaming sword turning every way to keep for
 
 320 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 
 
 them the tree of life. Blessed are we if He commit 
 this office to us and we fill it with fidelity. Happy 
 shall we be if, when they go forth from our charge, 
 whether it be to the cares and toils of this eventful 
 world, or, among the early called, go up to a home 
 in unseen and spiritual mansions, we can give them 
 up with the consciousness of having done, not what 
 we desired, but what we could, to fit them for the 
 future. And then, whether on that high course they 
 precede or follow us, sustained by this inward testi- 
 mony we can endure calmly the final parting ; 
 
 " If orphans they are left behind, 
 
 God's guardian care we trust ; 
 That care shall heal our bleeding hearts, 
 If weeping o'er their dust." 
 
 THE END.
 
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