Ex Libris 
 C. K. OGDEN
 
 HERALDIC ANOMALIES. 
 
 Onine tulit punctum qui misouit utile dulci 
 Lectorem delectando pariterque mooendo. HORACE. 
 
 IN TWO VOLUMES. 
 VOL. II. 
 
 SECOND EDITION. 
 
 LONDON : 
 G. AND W. B. WHITTAKER, 
 
 AVE-MARIA-LANE. 
 
 1824.
 
 LONDON : 
 
 PRINTED BY E. GILBERT, 
 8T. JOHN'S SQUARE.
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 OF 
 
 VOL. II. 
 
 Stack 
 Annex 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Esquires and Gentlemen 1 
 
 Clergy 83 
 
 Universities 145 
 
 Females, their Rights and Privileges 159 
 
 OldMaids 200 
 
 Masters, Mistresses, and Servants ............ 218 
 
 Odd Arrangements^ &c. &c. 253 
 
 Quakers 258 
 
 Wigs 286 
 
 Obsolete Privileges, Distinctions, Titles, &c. &c. 318 
 
 Ancient Etiquette 344 
 
 Precedence 362
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 BELOW the rank of Nobility, and titles personal 
 or official, it has ever been difficult to assign the 
 proper steps and degrees of worth and prece- 
 dence. The times are past for adjusting such 
 matters by a " Were" or " Weregeld," which 
 was the name given to the Jine paid by our 
 ancestors, for causing the death of any person, 
 and which was supposed to express the compa- 
 rative value of the life lost, and to be paid accord- 
 ingly to the relations of the deceased, for the in- 
 jury they had sustained. There were for instance, 
 as our antiquaries tell us, very different fines 
 exacted for " Twelf-hinds" " Six-hinds," and 
 " Twihinds." The " Were" of a Twelfhind, was 
 (as the terms import) double that of a Sixhind, 
 and equal to that of six Ceorls or Twihinds. 
 Their wives were estimated according to similar 
 rates, as CyrUsca's, Sexhindas, and Twelfhindd's. 
 These " weres" had respect to more offences 
 
 VOL. II. B
 
 2 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 than the deprivation of life. The violation of 
 female purity was subjected to fines, in propor- 
 tion to the rank of the Lady, while the beards of 
 the men were under similar protection. The vir- 
 tue of a Cyrlisca, and the beard of the Ceorl, were 
 estimated at a very low rate, while a man might 
 be ruined for offending the chastity of a Twelf- 
 hinda, or applying a pair of scizzars to the chin 
 of a Twelfhind. Montesquieu, speaking of these 
 fines, expressly observes, " Que la difference 
 des compositions etoit la rgle du rang different 
 que chaque citoyen tenoit dans Petat;" and 
 Mably, in his observations on the history of 
 France, cites the Salic and Ripuarian laws upon 
 this head, to shew, from the amount of the fines, 
 the pre-eminence of the clergy in those remote 
 times. Such compositions for murder, as Mr. 
 Ha I lain has justly remarked, were well known to 
 Homer, who, (Iliad 2. 497), in his description of 
 the shield of Achilles, represents two men wran- 
 gling before the judge, for the weregeld, or price 
 of blood. 
 
 But, as I said before, these times are past! 
 To the credit of our modern system of Jurispru- 
 dence, the life, the virtue, and the beards of our 
 most ordinary plebeians are estimated as high
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 as those of the greatest of our nobility. As to 
 the law of murder in particular, it is the same 
 whether we slay a Duke or a Chimney-sweeper. 
 A Spanish soldier once, who had run away in the 
 heat of a battle, very gravely assigned the follow- 
 ing reason for what he had done, to the officer 
 who reproached him for his cowardice. " I had 
 rather" said he, " to tell you the real truth, that 
 ten Grandees had been killed than / myself." 
 And yet upon the principle of the " Weregeld," 
 the life of a common soldier would not have 
 been valued at so much as the fiftieth part of the 
 life of one Grandee ! 
 
 But to return to our Saxon ancestors. There 
 seem to have been about four ranks or degrees 
 below that of Earls, which was the chief title of 
 Nobility. Twelf-hinds, Six-hinds, Twihinds or 
 Ceorls; and perhaps Villans made a fourth. 
 
 I know not where school-boys learned their 
 four degrees of " Gentleman, Apothecary, Plough- 
 boy, Thief" But I think the two latter at least 
 must have come from the Saxons, or some of our 
 feudal ancestors. The Ploughboy possibly might 
 represent all the mercenarii of the feudal des- 
 mesnes, or Rustici, enumerated in little Dooms- 
 day book, as the Porcarii, bovarii, (herdsmen, 
 u 2
 
 4, ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 hovers french, boors in short,) Vaccarii, Cotarii, 
 Bordarii, and so forth. The latter have been 
 thought to be connected with ploughs, from the 
 following entry ; Terra x bon. ibi iii bord' et 1 
 Caruca. (Heywood on ranks) Caruca, in this 
 instance, I suppose being the same as the French 
 Charrue. 
 
 In regard to the rank of Thief, it would seem 
 that there was such a degree, for by the laws of 
 Athelstan, whoever was not subject or amenable 
 to some particular lord or feudal chief, was ac- 
 counted a thief, and to be dealt with as such ; 
 " pro Pure eum capiat quisquis in eum inci- 
 dent." 
 
 Of the rank and dignity of an Apothecary, I 
 have said something elsewhere, but who in these 
 days can attempt to define the rank of a Gentle- 
 man ? It is singular enough, but scarcely any 
 body seems to like to be a Gentleman. If he is 
 at all above a Ploughboy and a Thief, he must 
 needs be an Esquire. The term Gent, after a 
 name, is pretty generally held to be a sort of 
 degradation, a peculiarity however, which on 
 looking into the Spectator, I find to be not so 
 modern as I at first apprehended. See the ex- 
 cellent Letter on Family Genealogy, No. 612.
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 5 
 
 A curious trial took place not very long ago, 
 to determine whether a particular person were a 
 Gentleman or not ? it arose out of the following 
 circumstances. A match had been made to run 
 some horses which were to be ridden by Gentle- 
 men on the day appointed the race took place, 
 and was won by a horse, ridden by a person of 
 upwards of seventy years of age, an old sports- 
 man, but who, according to the feelings (not to 
 say prejudices) of the other parties, did not come 
 up to their ideas of a Gentleman. The prize there- 
 fore was disputed, and the dispute brought into 
 open court ; I was not present at the trial, but 
 the report of it soon after passed through my 
 hands, and though I cannot undertake to give it 
 exactly, some circumstances struck me so for- 
 cibly, that I believe I may venture to vouch for 
 their truth. Those who had made the match, 
 and some who rode, were young men of very 
 large fortunes, and to mend the matter M.P.'s, 
 which being interpreted means, Members of Par- 
 liament. They were of course* all subpoenaed as 
 witnesses on the trial. 
 
 Unfortunately the cause did not come on so 
 soon as was expected, and after all, in the even- 
 ing of the day of trial, at an hour when all the
 
 6 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 young M. P. witnesses, having finished their 
 libations at the hotel, came into Court by no 
 means so sober as the Judge. They came in 
 also just as they had ridden into the town in 
 the morning, booted? spurred, splashed, and dirty. 
 Vexed at having been kept waiting longer than 
 they expected, and impatient to be gone, they 
 behaved very rudely to the Judge, the Jury, and 
 the Counsel for the defendant. The latter, who 
 rose afterwards to one of the highest stations in 
 Westminster Hall, and to the dignity of the 
 Peerage, began with very gravely stating to the 
 Court, that he was afraid he must throw up his 
 brief, for that though he came into Court fully 
 persuaded that his client was a Gentleman, he 
 now despaired, from what he saw, of being able 
 to prove him so, for as the other parties, from the 
 very nature of the case, must be presumed to be, 
 beyond all dispute, proper Gentlemen, he could 
 only proceed in the way of comparison. He was 
 therefore afraid to call the attention of the Judge 
 and Jury to the manners and appearance of those 
 Gentlemen, because if they exhibited proper spe- 
 cimens of the conduct and character of a real 
 Gentleman, his Client was decidedly not one. 
 That his habits of life, for instance, were of
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 7 
 
 that temperate and sober cast, that nothing he was 
 sure would have induced him, (but especially at 
 such a time) to drink to such excess, as to stu- 
 pify his understanding, and bewilder his senses, 
 which was evidently the condition of all the 
 Gentlemen in the witnesses' box. Had his Client 
 been to attend personally, he was confident he 
 would have felt such an awe and respect for the 
 Court in general, as well as for the laws and 
 public institutions of his country, as to have suf- 
 fered his tongue to be cut out, rather than utter 
 such speeches as had been so recently addressed 
 to the Judge, the Jury, and himself, by the Gen- 
 tlemen who appeared against him. His client 
 was a man so attentive to all matters of esta- 
 blished decorum,- that it was most likely, that if 
 he had been called to appear before the Court, 
 he would have been seen there in decent, clean, 
 and comely apparel, not in dirty boots, and dirty 
 shirts, and dirty breeches, like the Gentlemen then 
 before them. 
 
 To j udge therefore from appearances, and in 
 comparing his client with the " Gentlemen" who 
 disputed his right to that appellation, he was 
 afraid he must give way upon those three points,
 
 8 ESQUIRES A>D GENTLEMEN. 
 
 inasmuch as being sober, civil, and cleanly, he 
 could not be such a Gentleman as they were. 
 
 But there were other traits in his client's cha- 
 racter, which he was afraid, upon comparison 
 with the characters and habits of the Gentlemen 
 before them, might tend still farther to degrade 
 him in their eyes. His fortune for instance, was 
 small, not exceeding a few hundreds a year, but, 
 entirely unencumbered, which he was apprehensive 
 would be thought not gentlemanlike by many 
 persons of much larger fortunes ; nor yet his 
 mode of spending his income, for he never went 
 beyond it ; never squandered any portion of it in 
 idle, useless, and unnecessary expences ; never gam- 
 bled with it; never ran in debt. He bred up his 
 family, (three daughters and a son), in a plain 
 and frugal manner. He was careful to set them 
 the example of a moral and religious life. He 
 hallowed the sabbath, and gave rest to all depen- 
 dent on him, both man and beast. He was care- 
 ful above all things, not to travel on a Sunday, 
 to the disturbance of the rest of others, and 
 profanation of the Lord's Day; in fine, however 
 ungentlemanlike it might appear to the opposite 
 party, he did not wish to conceal from the
 
 9 
 
 court, that his client was in all respects a good 
 Christian, a good husband, a good father, a good 
 master, a good neighbour, and a good friend ! 
 for, after all, it was friendship alone, that had 
 brought him into the predicament in which 
 he now stood. Friendship not for the living, 
 but the dead. It was entirely in consequence of 
 an old promise to a dead friend, that at 70 years 
 of age, he had acceded to the proposal of his 
 friend's son, to ride the race. He need not go 
 further into particulars ; he had stated these 
 things exactly as they were, for the information 
 of the Court. What effect they might produce, 
 he could not pretend to judge ; there were those 
 present, who seemed to say, that a person of 
 this description did not come up to their ideas of 
 a Gentleman; it would remain with the Court 
 and Jury to say whether he came up to their 
 ideas of such a character. I am happy to have 
 to record, that this worthy person so described 
 was in the fullest manner allowed by the Judge 
 and the Jury to be a proper English Gentleman, 
 to the great satisfaction of a most crowded hall, 
 who hailed the decision with the loudest accla- 
 mations ! 
 
 Though the title of Gentleman has thus been
 
 10 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 solemnly placed upon so respectable a footing, 
 and though there is nothing upon which men 
 more pride themselves than that of passing for 
 Gentlemen, yet as I said before, they do not like 
 to be formally denominated such. 
 
 It seems to be the fashion to consider A. B. 
 Esquire, as many degrees above A. B. Gent. 
 and this has had the effect of rendering the for- 
 mer title too common. Upon which I shall have 
 more to say hereafter. At present I shall go on 
 with what I have to observe upon the term Gen- 
 tleman. One definition of a Gentleman amongst 
 us, is that of being able to " live without ma- 
 nual labour." All such are said to be Gentle- 
 men in England ; and perhaps this is as good a 
 description as any we could have. It excludes all 
 who are dependent upon manual labour for their 
 maintenance, and includes every body else, how- 
 ever distinguished in other particulars. Selden 
 acknowledges that it is a title, concerning which 
 writers of all countries have disputed. The 
 author of an " Historical and critical History on 
 the true rise of Nobility, political and civil," 
 observes, that in the question of Nobility, not 
 only the ignorant, but even the learned also 
 much err, whilst they agree not upon the proper
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 11 
 
 signification of the six following words ; Eugenia, 
 Nobilitas, Generosus, Nobilis, Ingenuus, Gentilis, 
 which he renders, " Honor of birth, Nobility, a 
 Gentleman, a Nobleman, a man free born, a Gen- 
 tleman." We have here therefore two words 
 signifying Gentleman, Generosus and Gentilis ; 
 but it seems to bring us no nearer to the mark, 
 as the author himself indeed tells us ; for learned 
 men (says he) still differ about them both. The 
 odd thing is, that the less we attempt to explain 
 it, the more it seems to have in it. If we go to 
 explain it, it seems distinct from, and inferior to, 
 the term Nobleman ; but yet there is not a Noble- 
 man upon earth probably who would not resent 
 being told that he was not a Gentleman. Gentilis 
 and Nobilis were used by the ancients nearly in 
 the same sense, and we read that Henry VI. 
 created one Bernard Auquin a Gentleman, by the 
 term Nobilitamus. Sir Thomas Smith indeed, in 
 his book de Republicd Anglorum, begins his twen- 
 tieth chapter " de nobilibus minorum gentium" 
 in the following manner, " Gentlemen, id est, 
 nobiles, sunt, quos natalium series dignitasque 
 claros efficiunt, Gratis svysvies dicti, Latinis no- 
 biles, Gallice nobles." And his remarks upon 
 derived and inherent gentility, are admirable ; he
 
 12 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 opens the door wide for the admission of all novi 
 homines of the latter description, (the " Cicerones, 
 Catones, Mariique") adopting the principle of Ju- 
 venal in its fullest extent, Sat. VIII. 
 
 " Malo Pater tibi sit Tkersites, dam modo tti sis 
 CEacidce similis, Vuleaniaque anna capessas, 
 Qaam Te Thersita similem prodacat Achilles." 
 
 Francis the First of France is reported to have 
 commonly used the asseveration, " Foi de Gen- 
 tilhomme" He had once asserted something to 
 one of his courtiers, " Foi de Roi" which the 
 latter did not appear to believe. Francis per- 
 ceiving this, said, " Foi de Gentilhomme," and 
 the courtier was perfectly satisfied. 
 
 " What a Gentleman is," says Selden in his 
 Table-talk, " it is hard for us to define : in other 
 countries he is known by his privileges ; in 
 Westminster Hall he is one that is reputed one ; 
 in the Court of Honor, he that has arms. The 
 King cannot make a Gentleman of blood, (what 
 have you said ?) nor God Almighty ; but he can 
 make a Gentleman by creation. If you ask which 
 is the better of these two ? civilly, the Gentleman 
 of blood; morally, the Gentleman by creation may 
 be better ; for the other may be a debauched 
 man, this a Gentleman of worth."
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 13 
 
 " In the beginning of Christianity," says the 
 same author, " the Fathers writ contra Gentes, 
 and contra Gentiles. They were all one ; but 
 after all were Christians, the better sort of peo- 
 ple still retained the name of Gentiles through- 
 out the four provinces of the Roman Empire ; 
 as Gentilhomme in French ; Gentilhuomo in Ita- 
 lian ; Ge/?/z7huombre in Spanish, and Gentleman 
 in English." But I question the fact ; for Cicero 
 I apprehend in his topics, had given us the true 
 meaning of the term Gentilis, as it enters into 
 the composition of the above terms long before 
 the Fathers wrote ; whereas the Gentiles of the 
 latter were plainly the heathen nations the 
 Greek eQvo) the Hebrew Go'im. Cicero's Gen- 
 tiles were indeed proper Gentlemen, well-born and 
 free-born, of a good stock and kindred, and in all 
 cases above the state of servitude. I think it is 
 scarcely neeessary to look for any better deri- 
 vation of the term. Gentilis in the other sense, 
 would be in the common language of Rome a 
 barbarian, in the language of the Church a 
 heathen. An old herald, Richard Jhones, quoted 
 by Archdeacon Nares, in his Glossary, article 
 Gentle, sets down the following ten qualifications, 
 which a Gentleman ought to have. 1. A good
 
 14 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 constitution ; 2. a handsome person ; 3. a bold 
 aspect ; 4. sobriety and discretion ; 5. obedience 
 to command ; 6. vigilance and patience ; 7. faith 
 and loyalty ; 8. constancy and resolution ; 9. 
 charity ; 10. good luck or fortune. " It would 
 be happy," says the learned Glossarist, " if all 
 who now call themselves Gentlemen, were so well 
 qualified," and I quite agree with him. 
 
 As I have in another place shewn that ac- 
 cording to the Heralds, Adam was the first 'No- 
 bleman, and Olibion, Japhefs descendant, the 
 first Knight! I shall here add some extracts 
 from a book of singular eminence, to shew that 
 one of the first Gentlemen was even Lucifer, the 
 Arch-angel ! ! 
 
 Extracts from the third Part of that very cu- 
 rious work, the Boke of St. Albans, 1486, so 
 scarce even in the days of Shakespeare, as to re- 
 quire to be set forth in a new form by Gervase 
 Markham, 1595, as " absolutely necessary and 
 behovefull to the accomplishment of the Gentle- 
 men of this flourishing ile, in the heroical and 
 excellent study of armory." The extracts I give 
 are from the original. 
 
 " Insomuch thatt all gentilness commys of 
 God of hevyn, at hevyn I will begin, where were
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 15 
 
 V orderis of Aungelis, tind now stand but IV, 
 in cote armoris of knowlege encrowned ful hye 
 with precious stones, where Lucifer with mi- 
 liory's of Aungelis owt of hevyn fell unto hell 
 and odyr places, and ben holdyn ther in bonage, 
 and all were erected in hevyn of Gentill nature. 
 A bondman or a churl wyll say all we be cum- 
 myn of Adam, so Lucifer with his company may 
 say all we be cummyn of hevyn." 
 
 Next follows how Gentilmen first began on 
 earth, and how they are to be distinguished 
 from Churles ; or Gentilmen from ungentilmen. 
 
 " Ther was never Gentilman nor Churle or- 
 deynyd by kynde, bothe had fadre and modre. 
 Adam and Eve had nother fadre nor modre, and 
 in the sonnys of Adam and Eve were founde 
 bothe Gentilman and Churle. By the sonnys of 
 Adam and Eve, (Seth, Abell and Cayn,) devyded 
 was the royall blode from the ungentill ; a bro- 
 ther to sley his brother contrary to law, where 
 might be more ungentilness ? (What could be more 
 ungentlemanly or vile ? in Markham's edition.) 
 By that dyd Cayne become a churle, and all his 
 offspring after hym, by cursing of God and his 
 own fadre Adam, and Seth was made a Gentil- 
 man thorow his fadre's and modre's blessing.
 
 10 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 and of the offspring of Seth, Noe came a gentt/- 
 man by kynde. Among Noah's 3 sons, Cham, 
 Sent and Japhet, the two latter were Genti/men, 
 but Cham a proper Churle." I am sorry to say 
 we Europeans have to rue this, if the Boke of 
 St. Alban's be correct ; for thus is Noe made to 
 curse his son Cham. 
 
 " Now to thee I give my curse wycked kaytiff 
 for ever, and I give to thee the northe parte of 
 the worlde to drawe thyne habitacion, for ther 
 schall it be, where sorow and care, cold and mys- 
 chef as a Churle thow shalt have, in the thirde 
 parte of the worlde wich schall be calde Europe, 
 that is to say, the centre of Churlys. 
 
 " Japeth cum hyder my sonne, I made the a 
 Gentilman to the weste part of the worlde, and to 
 the Occident end when as welth and grace shall 
 be so, then thyr habitacion shall be to take that 
 other thirde parte of the worlde, wich schall be 
 calde Asia, that is to say, the centre of Gentil- 
 men, and Sem my son also, a Gentilman, the 
 oryente thow shalt take, that other theirde parte 
 of the worlde wich shall be calde Affrica, that is 
 to say, the centre of tempurnes. 
 
 " Of the offspryng of the Gentilman Japheth 
 come Habrahftm, Moises, Aron, and the pro-
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 17 
 
 fettys, and also the Kyng of the right lyne of 
 Mary, of whom that gentilman Jfiesus was borne 
 very God and man ; after his manhode kyng of 
 the lorde of Jude and of Jues gentilmen, by is 
 modre Mary, prynce of cote armure." In ano- 
 ther place we read " Criste was a Gentylman of 
 his moder be halve, and bare cotarmure of aunse- 
 turie." 
 
 This Author or Authoress, (for it seems doubt- 
 ful who actually wrote this third part of the 
 Boke of St. Alban's) establishes " IX artikelis 
 of Gentilnes, V of them amorows and iiij sove- 
 rayn." 
 
 " The V amorows, lordeli of cowntenawnce, 
 treteable in language, wyse in a?iswere, perfite in 
 gouvernawnce, and cherefull tofaythfulness. The 
 iiij soverayn, boxom to Goddis byddyng, know- 
 ying his own birth in beryng, and to drede his 
 soverayn to offende." 
 
 There be (according to this right admirable 
 book) " Nyne maner of Gentylmen" 
 
 " There is a Gentylman of auncetre and of 
 blode, and there is a Gentylman of bloode, ther 
 is a Gentylman of coot armure, and thos be three, 
 oon of the kyngis bage, another of a lordship, and 
 the therde is of kyllyng a saryson, and ther is a- 
 
 VOL. II. C
 
 18 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 Gentylman untryall, and ther is a Gentylman 
 ypocraset, and ther is a Gentylman sperytuall 
 and ther is also a Gentylman sperituall and tern- 
 porell." 
 
 This is certainly a curious specimen of ancient 
 heraldry, and seems to preclude all further en- 
 quiries concerning the title of Gentleman, which 
 as an addition of estate in law, was adjudged to 
 be a good addition, under the terms Gentilis 
 Homo, in the reign of Edward III. But it could 
 not have been, (one would think,) a very good 
 addition, if Gentilis meant either a heathen or a 
 barbarian. I am persuaded we ought to adopt 
 Cicero's interpretation of the word. Though 
 there is still another derivation of the term Gen- 
 tleman, which I shall just mention, as it seems 
 to bring the Gentleman and the Esquire so nearly 
 upon a footing. Towards the declension of the 
 Roman Empire, according to Ammianus Marcel- 
 linus, there were two companies of brave sol- 
 diers, the one called Gentilium, and the other 
 Scutariorum ; the names of Gentleman and Esquire 
 are supposed to be derived from these. The 
 Gauls, according to Pasquier, perceiving that 
 these Scutarii and Gentiles obtained the best ap-
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 19 
 
 pointments, tenements, &c. became accustomed 
 insensibly to apply the same names, (Gentil- 
 hommes and Ecuyers,} to such as were most no- 
 ticed by the Kings. In the Preface to his Titles 
 of Honor, Selden has something upon the sub- 
 ject that should not be omitted. " He that is 
 both euysvns and Fewaior, i. e. both descended from 
 truly noble parentage, and withal following their 
 steps, or adding to the name, is the GENTLEMAN, 
 that may lawfully glory in his title. But the 
 ancestors' Nobility in a degenerating issue, gives 
 no more true glory, than Phrebus his name did 
 to Sixtus Quintus. 
 
 " peril omnis in illo 
 
 Nubilitas, cujus laus est in origine sola." 
 
 LUCAN. 
 
 Gentlemen in Greece he tells us were called 
 ai, i. e. descended from worthy paren- 
 tage, which was noted in the particular names 
 of their noble tribes, as in Athens, Pandionida, 
 Acamantidtf, Heraclida, &,c. To complete their 
 character, there was to be a concurrence of Fsvor, 
 irtziSeioi., and xgr/$-&;v siritisviMtrtav auvnQziz, birth, edu- 
 cation, and continual affectation of good man- 
 ners. Generosus indeed in Latin, was often ap- 
 plied to beasts, trees, fruits, &c. with reference 
 c2
 
 20 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 to the good stock whence they came. The Dutch 
 have a good word for Generosus in this sense, 
 Wellgeboren, well-born. 
 
 Let these titles of Gentleman and Esquire, 
 however, come from whence they will, they seem 
 to be so confounded in modern use and applica- 
 tion, as to be no longer distinguishable. A rich 
 Tailor retired from business, is not contented 
 with passing for a Gentleman, he must be an 
 Esquire also ; he becomes both Armiger and 
 Scutifer too, without the aid of the Heralds, and 
 if he set up his carriage, has his shield and 
 escutcheon, or (what may seem more appropri- 
 ate,) his coat of arms, to paint upon the pannels, 
 as proudly as the Duke of Norfolk. Formerly 
 the heralds or antiquaries used to be at least ap- 
 plied to, to help these novi homines, in their pre- 
 tensions to Gentility, living or dead. 
 
 In Walker's History of Independency, is an 
 account of one " Cornelius Holland, a Servant of 
 the Vanes, who got so much wealth in those days 
 of mock Gentilism, as to make him saucy enough 
 to hire William Lilly, and other pamphleteers to 
 derive his pedigree from John Holland, Duke of 
 Exeter, although it be known he was originally 
 a link-boy."
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 21 
 
 In Steele's Funeral, or Grief Alamode, there 
 is a good fling at these soi-disant Gentlemen or 
 Esquires. The Servant of Sable the Undertaker 
 is introduced, as saying, 
 
 " Sir, I had come sooner, but I went to the 
 Herald's for a coat of arms, for Alderman Gather- 
 grease, that died last night. He has promised to 
 invent one against to-morrow. 
 
 " Sable. Ah ! deuce take some of our cits ; the 
 first thing after their death is to take care of their 
 birth. Let him bear a pair of stockings, for he is 
 the first of the family that ever wore, one." 
 
 These things are more easily accomplished at 
 present ; not, however, by the aid of the College, 
 though Hudibras saucily says, 
 
 An Herald 
 
 Can make a Gentleman scarce a year old 
 
 To be descended of a race 
 
 Of ancient Kings in a small space.) 
 
 And, 
 
 For a piece of coin, 
 
 Twist any Name into the line. 
 
 At present, similarity of name is quite enough to 
 lead any man to conclude himself to be a branch 
 of some very ancient or noble stock, and if occa- 
 sion arise, to assume the arms appropriate to
 
 22 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 such families, without any appeal to the Heralds' 
 Office ; nor would any Alderman Gather grease, 
 living in affluence, be without such marks and 
 symbols on his plate, seals, carriages, &c. with no 
 higher authority perhaps than his own fancy and 
 conceit; though if you were to ask him about 
 his genealogy, he could scarcely perhaps go so 
 far back as to his father's father. 
 
 This assumption of arms on the mere ground 
 of a similarity of name*, is extremely objection- 
 able. The plan of the stockings would be better 
 for the distinguishing such novi Homines ; admit- 
 ting so easily of augmentation, as the family rose 
 higher ; so that for instance, if any Alderman 
 should take a pair of stockings, as being the first 
 of his family who wore them, his next heir might 
 arrive at boots and spurs, and the family in two 
 or three generations be honored with a sidelong 
 helmet as an established ensign of Squiralty 
 but by degrees; not jumping at once into such 
 distinctions, by any accidental coincidence of 
 names ; for which the mere index to any book 
 of Heraldry would serve ; and often I fancy does 
 serve, if the truth were known. Of course, I 
 am not objecting to any assumption of arms, 
 that may have the countenance and support of
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 23 
 
 genealogy, as well as name ; but I think a coin- 
 cidence of name, without any known claims of 
 kindred, insufficient to warrant the assumption 
 of arms, previously appropriated to noble or an- 
 cient families, certainly not without the express 
 sanction of the College, which in its proceedings 
 on such occasions, is not, I am persuaded, ca- 
 pable of being induced by the utmost fees of 
 office, to " twist any name into the line." In 
 assigning arms to proper novi homines, the heralds 
 may be compelled occasionally to invent, but I 
 have the utmost reason given me to believe, that 
 in tracing genealogies, or examining claims, sub- 
 mitted to their jurisdiction, no consideration 
 upon earth would induce them to falsify. 
 
 In the old and very curious description of 
 Ireland in Hollinshed, there is a formal com- 
 plaint made of the tricks played upon the family 
 of " Girald Fitz-Girald, Erie of Kildare," much 
 to the purpose. " The corrupt orthographic 
 that divers use in writing this name, doth in- 
 corporate it to houses thereto linked in no kin- 
 drede. Some write Gerolde, sundry Geralde, 
 divers very corruptly Gerrot, others Gerarde ; 
 but the true orthographic is Giralde, as may ap- 
 pear by Giraldus Cambrensis and others. Divers
 
 24 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN*. 
 
 estraunge houses have also bene shuffled in 
 among this familie, by sundry Gentlemen chris- 
 tening of their children, and calling them Gi- 
 raldes, though their surnames were of other 
 houses, and if after it happened that Girald had 
 issue Thomas, John, Robert, or such lyke, then 
 they would bear the surname of Girald, as Tho- 
 mas Fitz-Girald, and thus within two or three 
 discentes, they shoove themselves among the 
 kindrede of the Giraldines. This is a general 
 fault in Ireland and Wales, and a great confusion 
 and extinguishment of houses." 
 
 Perhaps the English have most reason to 
 complain of the Fitz's and Ap's of Ireland and 
 Wales, inasmuch as they may have been robbed 
 of the credit and glory accruing to some of the 
 first families in both countries ; for let the Irish 
 be as proud as they please of their Fitz-Geralds, 
 Giraldns Cambrensis, who was one of the true 
 race, and who lived in Henry the Second's time, 
 expressly says in his History of Ireland, after 
 sundry encomiums on the Geraldines, " this fa- 
 mily is English." 
 
 It is but fair I think that we should reclaim 
 these illustrious wanderers, the Geraldines, the 
 very heads at this moment of the Irish Nobility,
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 25 
 
 especially as even his Grace of Leinster has two 
 strong marks of an Irishman upon him, the Fitz 
 in his name, and the Crom a Boo in his motto. 
 If any may dispute the claim of England, the 
 Florentines perhaps have the best right to them. 
 But this by the bye. At all events they were 
 English before they became Irish, how much 
 soever it may offend the pride of the latter, 
 amongst whom we should all have been reckoned 
 mere churles or bobdeaghs, according to the fol- 
 lowing curious account in Stanihurst. " The 
 Irisheman standeth so much upon his gentilitie, 
 that he termeth any one of the English sept, 
 and planted in Irelande Bobdeagh Ealteagh, that 
 is English Churle; but if he is an Englishman 
 born, then he nameth hym, Bobdeagh Saxonnegh, 
 that is, a Saxon Churle: so that both are Churles, 
 and he the onely Gentleman ; and thereupon if 
 the basest peasant of them name hymselfe with 
 hys superior, he will be sure to place hymselfe 
 first, as I and O'Neile, I and you, I and he, 
 I and my master." According to this statement, 
 a wild Irish peasant (for it is of the wild Irish 
 the historian is speaking) might still be expected 
 to say, I and the Duke of Leinster; for in his 
 origin, the latter is decidedly but, a Bobdeagh
 
 26 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 Ealteagh, or English Churle, though perhaps His 
 Grace himself may have never thought about it. 
 It is a curious compliment to an English Churle, 
 to be placed at the very head of the Irish Nobi- 
 lity. Surely we may mark this as a wild Irish 
 heraldic anomaly. 
 
 Formerly our Heralds used to be sent out 
 upon Circuits by the Earl Marshal, to compile, 
 arrange and register Genealogies, particularly in 
 the reigns of Henry IV. and his successors. 
 And there appears to have been due and proper 
 provision made, for elevating the deserving, as 
 well as degrading the unworthy. And it affords 
 an admirable proof of the advancement of liberty 
 in this country, to observe that at such visita- 
 tions, many of mean origin, but possessed of 
 considerable property, were brought into notice, 
 and procured entries of themselves to be made, 
 (not as the mere shreds of some antiquated coat) 
 but as the founders of modern families. This was 
 quite right, supposing their wealth to have been 
 honestly and creditably acquired. It served to 
 break down the distinction between the civil and 
 the military, to raise the commonalty or third 
 Estate, (if I may call it so,) consistently with 
 the changes that had taken place, in the decline
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 27 
 
 of the feudal system, extension of commerce, 
 and admission of citizens and burgesses into 
 the National Assembly. And there was so much 
 strictness and authority in these proceedings, 
 that " to bear anie signes or tokens of armes or 
 devices in escocheons, targetts, banners, pennons, 
 standard, or in anie manner of wise at anie time, 
 withowte being authorized so to do by Claren- 
 cieux, King of Arms, &c. &c." subjected the 
 offender to imprisonment and fine at the King's 
 pleasure. Nor were the Heralds allowed to 
 " geve or graunt armes to anie vyle or dishonest 
 occupation in anie wyse." The fees settled by 
 the Earl Marshal were not exorbitant, which 
 gave a greater facility to this new order of men, 
 to assume their proper rank in society. 
 
 To shew the fair, equitable, and creditable 
 grounds upon which the Heralds proceeded, it 
 may not be amiss to transcribe a concession of 
 arms in the time of King Henry VIII. (1542) 
 that all may know, what, according to the just 
 principles of Heraldry, is held to constitute a 
 proper English Gentleman or Armiger. 
 
 " To all crysten people thise present letters 
 seying or herying. I Chrystofer Barker, esquier, 
 K. G. of armes, &,c. send due and humble re-
 
 28 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 commendation, &c. Equite willeth and reason 
 ordeyneth that vertuouse men of commendable 
 disposition be by their merites had in perpetuall 
 memorie for their good name and fame, and not 
 only all they in their persones in this mortall 
 lyffe so bryeve and transitory, but also after 
 theym all those that of their bodies shall dis- 
 cende and procreate to be in all places of honor 
 and worship emong other noble men to be re- 
 nowned, reputed, taken and accepted, by shew- 
 yng certeyn ensignes and demonstracions of 
 honnour and noblesse, that is to witt of armes, 
 helme, and creest, with their appurtenaunce, to 
 the entent that by their example other men shall 
 the more enforce themselfs perseverantly to use 
 their time in honourable werkes and vertuous 
 deeds, for to purchase and get the renoune of 
 ancient nobleness in their lyne and posterite 
 and therefore I the sayde Gartier princypallKyng 
 of Armes of English-men am veryly infourmed 
 and advertised that Thomas Bell of Gloucester, 
 Gentilman, hath long contynowed in vertue and 
 in all his actes and other his affaires hath right 
 worshipfully guyded and governed himself so 
 that he hath deserved and is well worthy from 
 hensfourth, he and his posteryte to be in all
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 29 
 
 places of honnour and wurship admytted re- 
 nouned accompted noumbred accepted and re- 
 ceyued into the noumbre and of the company of 
 other auncyent Gentilmen and therefore by the 
 vertue power and authorite unto myne office, 
 &c. appurteyning, have devysed ordeyned and 
 assigned unto and for the said Thomas Bell the 
 armes helme creest in maner and fourme follow- 
 ing, that is to say, Sylver a chiveron betweene 
 iii hawkes bells goules. Upon the chiveron ii 
 gymmells of the fylde a chief goules, a lyeur be- 
 tweene ii martletts sylver. Upon his creste a 
 hande holdyng a possaxe asure the helve goules 
 the sieve goules. The cuffe golde sette on a 
 wrethe golde and asure the manteletts goules 
 lyned sylver, botoned gold." 
 
 I have given the full blazonry of the arms, 
 persuaded that they must be grand enough to 
 encourage any man to " guyde and govern him- 
 self right wurshippefully" all the days of his life. 
 3 bells, 2 Gymmells, 1 lyeur and 2 Martletts, a blue 
 possaxe, gold cuffs, &c. &c. &c. ! ! 
 
 But I shall offer one more specimen of the 
 morality of ancient Heraldry, from Sir John Femes 
 Works ; particularly from the Dialogues intro- 
 duced between the six following Interlocutors,
 
 30 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 Paradinus, the Herald. 
 
 Torquatus, a Knight. 
 
 Theologus, a Divine. 
 
 Bartholus, a Lawyer. 
 
 Berosus, an Antiquary. 
 
 Collumen, a Plowman. 
 
 In one of these Torquatus asks Paradinus, 
 " Doth your Heraldrie preferre a new Gentleman, 
 which by the Industrie of his vertues, hath ob- 
 teyned to be so called, before those of auncient 
 bloudr 
 
 To which Paradinus the Herald without hesi- 
 tation replies, " Yea certesse, as touching the 
 verie essentiall substance of noblenesse. If 
 your Gentleman of bloud be without vertue, not 
 shewing foorth desert or merit, befitting the 
 place which he possesseth." The dialogue con- 
 tinues. 
 
 Torquatus. Should he then be accounted more 
 worthie noble then the other, whose Gentrie is 
 confirmed by the succession of many ages ? or 
 is it reason that a new-come should disturbe him 
 from so auncient a possession wherein his aun- 
 cestors have lived with fame ; when as this sonne 
 of the earth come from an unkowen Generation 
 was in obscuritie ? I have heard, that the enhe-
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 31 
 
 ritance of the auncestors Gentrie, both by the 
 lawes, no less appertaine to the heire, than the 
 heritage of his possessions. 
 
 Paradinus. This is true, the unworthy sonne 
 of the auncient house, is suffered as I sayd, to 
 challenge the honor of his bloud, although un- 
 worthely : Notwithstanding, I hold as before, 
 
 i 
 
 that such a person, which wanting the provoca- 
 tions of the domesticall examples of his aunces- 
 tors, being in obscure and base degree, and 
 without liberall or honest education, and yet, 
 hath through vertue, so much prevailed against 
 the malignitie of fortune, that his family, before 
 hidden in the dust, and obscured with ignobi- 
 litie, should from thencefoorth be cleped noble, 
 deserveth rather to be called noble then the 
 other : which although he be of gentle byrth, 
 and having notable furtherances to vertue ; as 
 first, the enterview of that noble estate, which 
 his forefathers did before him possesse : se- 
 condly, a liberall education : and lastly, the 
 expectation of the multitude, (all of which or 
 any of these, bringeth with them a poynant 
 pricke to drive a sluggish nature, to the em- 
 bracing of vertue) yet neverthelesse exhibiteth 
 no desert or merit of vertue. Therefore, to stand
 
 32 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 upon the bare and rude title of nobtetiesse, and that 
 he is a Gentleman of auncient bloud esteeming; 
 those most worthie of the rest, which can but 
 only shew us a long succession of their name, 
 we shall therein I say approuve ourselves, ney- 
 ther well taught Philosophers, ne yet well re- 
 formed Christians.'^ And after setting forth the 
 claims of Gentlemen to the display of arms and 
 ensigns at their funerells, he adds, " all which 
 are denied to the ungentle person, whose estate 
 and life, the laws have esteemed so base, that 
 they deeme him not worthie of memoriall, but 
 that his name shall end with his life, and no 
 man shall see the steps of his way, no more then 
 the furrows of a shippe is discerned in the swal- 
 lowing gulphes of the ocean." 
 
 I shall beg leave still to introduce another 
 specimen of the moral allegories of the Heralds, 
 from old Gerard Legh's Accedence of Armourie, 
 1568 ; as follows : " And after he had thus 
 shewed me thorder of his studie, he ledde me 
 towardes the pallace of his Prince, to passe the 
 tyme wyth pleasure, and by the way began to 
 tell me a tale, the effect whereof I will recite. 
 A Gentleman (quod he) named Desire, walking 
 for his pastaunce in the fayre fieldes, beeholding
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 33 
 
 the bewtifull shapes of dame natures deckynges, 
 sodenly felt the aire of pleasaunt Eolus, the 
 breath of Fame, who sweetely recounted to him 
 dame Bewtie's giftes, whyche done, as he so- 
 denly came, so likewise, vanished unknowen, 
 whereat the Gentlemen not a little marveiled. 
 In whyche amaze, Gouernaunce him saluted say- 
 ing, be not aghast, for / Gouemaunce shall be 
 your sheilde, and even yonder cometh Grace, 
 who also will bee your protectour, wherewith 
 Grace likewise, him embraced, I thanke you 
 both, (sayeth the Gentleman) I was somewhat 
 astonied at the sodaine comming, and retourne 
 of Eolus, 'till comforted by Gouernaunce and I 
 rejoyce my so happy chaunce to meete you 
 here, whome so long I desyred to see. Well, 
 saith Gouernaunce, seing we are so well mette, 
 we will this faire daye (wherein P/iebus sheweth 
 himselfe) walke for our recreation to the tower 
 of Doctrine, whether when they came, comelye 
 countenance the portres, frindly them saluted, 
 and required them to passe in, taking Gouern- 
 aunce by the hand, and conveide them to th' 
 artes liberall : where dame Congruitie receaved 
 Desire with his companions : and them instructed 
 in all thorders of there house and after a time 
 
 VOL. II. D
 
 34 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 they had thus abiden there, Desire chaunced to 
 espye dame Bewty passing to and fro in the 
 tower of Solace, whom he ernestly beholding, 
 praised much her comly shape and wished her 
 company, myndinge to presse forth into her 
 presence, and ready to enter in at the doore, 
 Daunger, depainted his blushinge face, and 
 would not suffer him to approche, wherewith he 
 receaved Griefe. For remdye herein hee made 
 suit to Counsell, declaring that with beholdinge 
 Bewtye hee was entrapped unwares, and desyr- 
 ous t' acquaint himselfe with her qualities, he 
 thoughte to offer her his services. But thrust 
 backe by Daunger, durst not attempt his sute. 
 Counsell bade him not dispaire, though dai/tilic 
 Daunger and froward Fortune had geven him re- 
 pulse. The meanes herein (saith he) to spye 
 them is tacquainte your selfe with wisdome, whose 
 swaye is suche, in this court, that dayntye 
 Daunger wyth her fewmate Fortune, dare not 
 appeare in his presence, for hee lifeth alofte, 
 suche as to hym seemeth good, and treadethe 
 downe theire darelings like weakelinges, voyde 
 of any refuge. Therefore, whoso will pleasure 
 winne, let him with wisdome firste beginne, and 
 then no doubte your Ladye will pitie your
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 35 
 
 plainte, and the rather, when she seeth that by 
 diligence you seeke to obtaine her service, for 
 hard is the harte, that love perceth not !" 
 
 But to return. In regard to all public honors 
 and distinctions, wherever they are judged to be 
 proper or necessary, they should undoubtedly 
 be kept under due regulation, there being no- 
 thing so common to man's nature, as to make 
 too much of himself, and consequently, though 
 we would not discourage his endeavours to ac- 
 quire honor and distinction, we would in no in- 
 stance leave it to his own arbitrament, but to the 
 proper authorities, to assign his particular rank 
 and station. 
 
 Lewis XI. of France, to render himself inde- 
 pendent of the Nobles, did much to encourage 
 trade and manufactures, and those who pursued 
 such callings ; so as even to admit them to his 
 table, esteeming them more, as he used to say, 
 than lazy and useless Gentlemen. A certain 
 Merchant whom he had thus distinguished, ap- 
 plied to him for letters of Nobility. The King 
 granted them immediately, but never afterwards 
 took the least notice of him ; " Go your ways, 
 Mr. Gentleman," said the shrewd Monarch to 
 him, " when I permitted you to sit at my table, 
 D 2
 
 36 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 I looked upon you as the first man of your con- 
 dition in life ; now that you are become the 
 last, I should act unjustly to my Nobility, if I 
 continued to do you the same honor." 
 
 It is this propensity to assume a higher rank 
 than actually belongs to us, that has produced 
 amongst us, in all probability, such a number of 
 Esquires, and depreciated in the same degree 
 the rank of Gentleman. 
 
 Though some of our orders of Precedence 
 make mention only of Esquires by creation or 
 office, there are no doubt Esquires by birth ; as 
 the eldest sons of Knights, " and their eldest sons 
 in succession," and indeed all the sons of our 
 Nobility: though the eldest may by courtesy 
 be called Marquesses, Earls, or Viscounts. This 
 serves to shew, that at all events the rank of 
 Esquire ought not to be trifled with, or assumed 
 without authority. They were undoubtedly 
 in the ages of Chivalry the Scutiferi or Armi- 
 geri of the Knights. They bore their shield, 
 lance, or other weapons, in virtue probably of 
 the nature of their landed property, which they 
 held in scutage of the Knight, as the latter held 
 his of the King by military service. The Spanish 
 hidalgo, according to Smollett in his notes to
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 37 
 
 Don Quixote, much resembled our Esquire, 
 signifying in its literal acceptation the Son of 
 Something, in contradiction to those who were 
 the Sons of Nothing. In this however I think 
 he must have been a little mistaken, because 
 though a man might not be an Hidalgo de San- 
 gre, or nobly born, he might, even as a Son of 
 Nothing, be made an Hidalgo de Privilegio *. 
 I fear Sancho Panza was a true Esquire only in 
 regard to his services, holding no land in scutage, 
 and being but a Son of Nothing; nevertheless 
 perhaps he was more entitled to the name and 
 appellation, than most of our English Esquires ; 
 for as I observed before, almost every body 
 now-a-days, who has no higher title, would pass 
 for an Esquire ; not that this is indeed any new 
 assumption, as we may learn from the admirable 
 Lucubrations of Mr. Isaac Bickerstaff, (himself 
 an Esquire,) who in the 19th number of the 
 Tatler, dated so long ago as May the 24th, 
 1709, thus feelingly laments the great breach of 
 
 * Learned, clever, and ingenious persons, it would appear, need be 
 very little concerned about their ancestry, according to the following 
 remark in tbe Menagiana. " Les scauans, doivent les piquer d'etre 
 Jils de leurs propres ouvrages." An excellent description of a literary 
 " novus Homo."
 
 38 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 order and decorum in this particular, and in 
 terms, which with a little allowance, might be 
 well made to apply to the present times. The 
 multiplicity of modern periodical works has so 
 interfered with the general perusal, if not of the 
 Spectator, yet of the Toiler, Guardian, &c. &c. of 
 former times, that I shall make no scruple to 
 transcribe the whole paper. 
 
 " From my own Apartment, May 23. 
 
 " There is nothing can give a man of any con- 
 sideration greater pain, than to see order and 
 distinction laid aside amongst men, especially 
 when the rank (of which he himself is a mem- 
 ber) is intruded upon by such as have no pre- 
 tence to that honor. The appellation of Esquire 
 is the most notoriously abused in this kind of 
 any class amongst men, insomuch that it is be- 
 come almost the subject of derision ; but I will 
 be bold to say, this behaviour towards it pro- 
 ceeds from the ignorance of the people in its 
 true origin. I shall therefore as briefly as pos- 
 sible do myself and all true Esquires the justice 
 to look into antiquity upon this subject. 
 
 In the first ages of the world, before the in- 
 vention of jointures and settlements, when the
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 39 
 
 noble passion of love had possession of the 
 hearts of men, and the fair sex were not yet cul- 
 tivated into the merciful disposition which they 
 have shewed in later centuries, it was natural for 
 great and heroic spirits to retire to rivulets, 
 woods and caves, to lament their destiny, and 
 the cruelty of the fair persons who were deaf to 
 all their lamentations. The hero in this distress 
 was generally in armour, and in a readiness to 
 fight any man he met with, especially if distin- 
 guished by any extraordinary qualifications : it 
 being the nature of heroic love to hate all merit, 
 lest it should come within the observation of the 
 cruel one, by whom its own perfections are ne- 
 glected. A lover of this kind had always about 
 him a person of a second value, and subordinate 
 to him, who could hear his afflictions, carry an 
 inchantment for his wounds, hold his helmet 
 when he was eating (if ever he did eat) or in his 
 absence, when he was retired to his apartment 
 in any King's Palace, tell the Prince himself, or 
 perhaps his daughter, the birth, parentage and 
 adventures of his valiant master. 
 
 " This trusty companion was called his Esquire, 
 and was always fit for any offices about him ; 
 was as gentle and chaste as a Gentleman-usher ;
 
 40 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 quick and active as an Equerry ; smooth and 
 eloquent as a Master of the Ceremonies. A man 
 thus qualified was the first, as the ancients affirm, 
 who was called an Esquire; and none without 
 these accomplishments ought to assume our or- 
 der : but to the utter disgrace and confusion of 
 the Heralds, every pretender is admitted into 
 this fraternity, even persons the most foreign to 
 this courteous institution. I have taken an in- 
 ventory of all within this city, and looked over 
 every letter in the Post-Office for my better infor- 
 mation. There are of the Middle Temple, in- 
 cluding all in the Buttery books, and in the lists 
 of the House, 5000. In the Inner 4000. In the 
 King's Bench Walks, the whole building is in- 
 habited by Esquires only. The adjacent street 
 of Essex, from Morris's Coffee House, and the 
 turning towards the Grecian, you cannot meet 
 one who is not an Esquire till you take water. 
 Every house in Norfolk and Arundel streets is 
 governed also by a 'Squire or his Lady ; Soho 
 Square, Bloomsbury Square, and all other places 
 where the floors rise above nine foot, are so 
 many Universities, where you enter yourselves 
 and become of our order. However if this were 
 the worst of the evil, it were to be supported.
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 41 
 
 because they are generally men of some figure 
 and use ; though I know no pretence they have 
 to an honor which had its rise from chivalry. 
 But if you travel into the counties of Great 
 Britain, you are still more imposed upon by this 
 innovation. We are indeed derived from the 
 field, but shall that give title to all that ride 
 mad after foxes, that halloo when they see an 
 hare, or venture their necks full speed after an 
 hawk, immediately to commence Esquires ? No : 
 our order is temperate, cleanly, sober and chaste : 
 but these rural Esquires commit immodesties 
 wear shirts half a week, and are drunk twice a 
 day. These men are also to the last degree ex- 
 cessive in their food : an Esquire of Norfolk 
 eats two pounds of dumplin every meal, as if 
 obliged to it by our order ; an Esquire of Hamp- 
 shire is as ravenous in devouring hog's-flesh : one 
 of Essex has as little mercy on calves. But I 
 must take the liberty to protest against them, 
 and acquaint those persons, that it is not the 
 quantity they eat, but the manner of eating, 
 that shews a 'Squire. But above all, I am most 
 offended at small quill-men, and transcribing 
 clerks, who are all come into our order, for no 
 reason that I know of, but that they can easily
 
 42 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 flourish it at the end of their name. I'll under- 
 take, that if you read the superscriptions to all 
 the offices in the kingdom, you shall not find 
 three letters directed to any but Esquires. I 
 have myself a couple of clerks ; one directs to 
 Degory Goose-quill, Esquire, to which the other 
 replies by a note to Nehemiah Dashwell, Esquire, 
 with respect. In a word it is now, Populus Ar- 
 migerorum, a People of Esquires ! All these im- 
 proprieties flow from the negligence of the He- 
 ralds' Office. Those gentlemen in party-coloured 
 habits do not so rightly as they ought understand 
 themselves : though they are dressed cap-a-pie in 
 hieroglyphics, they are inwardly but ignorant 
 men. It is their business to act for us in the 
 case of our arms and appellations, and they should 
 take care that we be not jumbled together in so 
 promiscuous and absurd a manner*. I design 
 
 * This slur upon the Heralds, though mere matter of joke, induces 
 me (partly I confess in correction of my own carelessness, see first 
 Edition, vol. ii. p. 20) to repeat my observation, that I fully believe 
 the proceedings of the Heralds' Office, as far as it is allowed to 
 exercise any authority in such matters, are perfectly unimpeacha- 
 ble, and that the College has much more reason to complain of the 
 usurpations of the public, than the latter of any " negligence" on 
 the part of the College. As to the " ignorance" of the Heralds, 
 I should apprehend, no persons could well stand more clear of 
 such an imputation, if a most extensive knowledge of history,
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 43 
 
 to take this matter into further consideration, 
 and no man shall be received as an Esquire, who 
 cannot bring a certificate, that he has conquered 
 some lady's obdurate heart : that he can lead up 
 a country-dance, or carry a message between 
 her and her lover, with address, secresy, dili- 
 gence and dispatch. A 'Squire is properly born 
 for the service of the Sex, and his credentials 
 
 genealogy, antiquities, topography, foreign languages, &c. &c. 
 may at all pass for learning. If oar modern Heralds indeed be not 
 so deeply versed in ancient lore, as some of their predecessors, I 
 will venture to say, they are far more enlightened, and infinitely 
 less pedantic. The old Heralds manifestly exposed their own call- 
 ing to ridicule, if not to contempt, by their far-fetch'd and high-flown 
 conceits and vagaries, reaching back, not only to the Protoplast or 
 first Progenitor of our race, but beyond the very confines of this 
 lower world, as I have" lately shewn. What modern Herald would 
 not smile, (to omit their references to Lucifer, &c.) at the following 
 regular blazonry of the arms (I might almost say the seal or carriage 
 decorations) of ABEL ! " Abel, the second son of Adam, bore his 
 father's coat, quartered with that of his mother Eve, she being au 
 heiress, viz. Gules and argent." And yet the book from which I 
 cite this is not older than the year 1719. I am not for reviving any 
 authority that may be said to have been wisely reduced or mitigated, 
 but surely I may be allowed, with a view to the section before us, 
 to remark, that a very great abundance of anomalies might be stifled 
 in their birth, if our modern Heralds had but half tine power given to 
 them, so low in onr annals as the reign of William III. viz. to " re- 
 prove, correct, and make infamous all who should presume to take upon 
 tltemselvts the titles of Esquire, Gentleman, or otherwise."
 
 44 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 shall be signed by three Toasts and one Prude 
 before his title shall be acknowledged in my 
 office." 
 
 Toasts are out of fashion, and Prudes we have 
 none, so that for the present times different cre- 
 dentials need to be devised; but I have no ob- 
 jection to those credentials originating with the 
 ladies, especially if it be the object to render all 
 our Esquires such as they should be, according to 
 the rules of their order, as laid down in the fore- 
 going remonstrance, " temperate, cleanly, sober, 
 and chasteT Only I hope they won't think it 
 necessary to make an Esquire of Jack Ketch, who 
 from the notes to Hudibras in Dr. Gray's Edi- 
 tion, Part III. Canto ii. 1. 1534, may fancy he 
 has a regular claim to the title. 
 
 Mr. Isaac Bickerstaff (I should say Isaac 
 Bickerstaff, Esquire!) seems disposed to be very 
 severe upon our Country 'Squires, as they are 
 commonly called. I know not how it comes to 
 pass, that this class of persons should generally 
 lie under a kind of heraldic stigma. " Country 
 'Squire" is a sort of nick-name given to indivi- 
 duals, oftentimes very independent in their cir- 
 cumstances, though very John Bullish perhaps 
 in their manners, habits, and pursuits. The
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 45 
 
 French have or had, a particular name for this 
 description of persons, as we may see in their 
 Dictionaries ; Gentillatre [petit Gentilhomme 
 dont on fait peu de cas] a Country 'Squire. 
 Gentilhommiere [petite maison de Gentilhomme 
 de la Campagne] a Country 'Squires house. It 
 must however be observed, that the true English 
 Country 'Squire, the subject of ridicule or con- 
 tempt in former days, is now become a very rare 
 character. The improvement of our roads, and 
 easy access to the metropolis in all directions, 
 have tended exceedingly to alter the manners of 
 our Country Gentlemen ; and we must have re- 
 course to books for the true subject of ancient 
 banter. Not that I feel at all disposed, I must 
 confess, to look upon even the old English 
 Country 'Squire with an evil or malignant eye ; 
 I am persuaded there was, in almost every in- 
 stance, a mixture of blunt honesty, and unedu- 
 cated simplicity ; of social mirth, and neighbourly 
 affection, which may be ill replaced by the re- 
 finements of modern times. Our present Country 
 Gentlemen may be less noisy and boisterous at 
 table, more reserved in their conversation, more 
 decorous in their manners, and less given pos- 
 sibly to field-sports ; but though these things
 
 46 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 bespeak individual improvement, I question 
 whether the public did not reap more advantage 
 from the rude hospitalities and constant residence of 
 such Country 'Squires, than from all the refine- 
 ments acquired by a greater knowledge of the 
 world, and acquaintance with the metropolis. 
 To a sentimental or philosophical mind, there 
 may always appear much of cruelty, hard-heart- 
 edness, want of feeling, and waste of time in 
 field-sports ; but if they serve to attach any per- 
 son of independent fortune to the place of his 
 nativity, and the seat of his ancestors, they cannot 
 fail to be beneficial to the poorer neighbours 
 around him. Nothing else I think can excuse 
 our Game Laws. 
 
 " Happy the man whose wish and care 
 A few paternal acres bound ; 
 Content to breathe his native air, 
 
 In his own ground, 
 
 \Vhose herds with milk, whose fields with bread, 
 Whose flocks supply him with attire, 
 Whose trees in summer yield him shade, 
 
 In winter fire. 
 
 Blest who can unconcern'dly find 
 Hours, days, and years slide soft away, 
 In health of body, peace of mind, 
 Quiet by day.
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 47 
 
 Sound sleep by night! study and ease 
 Together mix'd ; sweet recreation ? 
 And innocence, which most does please 
 With meditation/' 
 
 The " Beatus ilk" of Horace is too long to in- 
 troduce ; and Claudian's old man of Verona, 
 though a good specimen of local attachments, 
 has nothing in common with a Country 'Squire, 
 except in running a race with the trees planted 
 in his childhood, around the house where he 
 first drew his breath. Claudian evidently bor- 
 rowed from Horace, and Horace from Virgil; 
 classical readers may consult them all, for the 
 " Vit(B Rustics Laudes ;" I shall at present con- 
 fine myself to English authors or translators. 
 The following is from Sylvester's Du Bartas, 
 1606'. Du Bartas himself was an amiable man, 
 but not a good poet; being engaged in public 
 affairs, his love of retirement is the more strik- 
 ing ; I question however, whether he did not 
 borrow from Claudian, and so the wheel goes 
 round. Thus Sylvester makes him speak. 
 
 O thrice, thrice happy he, who shuns the cares 
 Of City troubles, and of S<ate-affairs ; 
 And, serving Ceres, tills with his own team, 
 His own free land, left by his friends to him !
 
 48 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 And leading all his life at home in peace, 
 Always in sight of his own smoke; no seas, 
 No other seas he knows, no other torrent, 
 Than that which waters with his silver current 
 His native meadows ; and that very earth 
 Shall give him burial, which first gave him birth. 
 To summon timely sleep, he doth not need 
 jEthiop'.s cold rush, nor drowsy poppy seed, 
 The stream's mild murmur, as it gently gushes, 
 His healthy limbs in quiet slumber hushes. 
 
 Even the consequence assumed by these 
 Country Residents had its importance ; the 
 common people stood more in dread of offending 
 the 'Squire than the King ; not through any 
 want of loyalty, but because the one was pre- 
 sent, the other remote ; because the one was 
 known to them more as the dispenser of punish- 
 ments than the assigner of rewards, while the 
 other was constantly before their eyes, the daily 
 dispenser of numberless rustic hospitalities, the 
 promoter of all their festivities and amusements ; 
 the patron of the young, and the friend of the 
 old. Nor should it be omitted, that when the 
 'Squire acted as a Justice of the Peace, he was an 
 object of public as well as private awe and vene- 
 ration. " The hall of the 'Squire" says honest 
 Aubrey, " was usually hung round with the in-
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 49 
 
 signia of the 'Squire's amusements, such as hunt- 
 ing, shooting, fishing, &c. but in case he were a 
 Justice of Peace, it was dreadful to behold. The 
 skreen was garnished with corslets and helmets, 
 gaping with open mouths, with coats of mail, 
 launces, pikes, halberts, brown-bills, bucklers, &c." 
 Such 'Squires were probably often very illiterate, 
 but their deficiencies in this respect, were the 
 best excuses that could be offered, for the many 
 coarsenesses and vulgarities, into which no doubt 
 they were often betrayed ; while perhaps these 
 failings were compensated to the public, by 
 virtues, too often missing in the more* refined. 
 When they offended against good manners, their 
 known ignorance could not but suggest to wiser 
 persons, the ready excuse, that " they knew no 
 better ;" a plea of which many of quicker parts, 
 and better education, would have been glad to 
 have availed themselves, had it been in their 
 power. Our old friend and acquaintance, Sir 
 Roger de Coverly, was wont to say, " that none 
 but men of fine parts deserved to be hanged." 
 " The reflections of such men," he would add, 
 " are so delicate upon all occurrences which 
 they are concerned in, that they should be ex- 
 posed to more than ordinary infamy and punish- 
 VOL. n. E
 
 50 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 merit for offending against such quick admoni- 
 tions as their own souls give them, and blunting 
 the fine edge of their minds in such a manner, 
 that they are no more shocked at vice and folly 
 than men of slower capacities." In the days of 
 Sir Roger, the difference probably between the 
 Town and Country 'Squire, was exactly to be 
 traced in these words. The one was coarse but 
 honest, and had the excuse of ignorance and con- 
 fined education to plead for his occasional transgres- 
 sions ; the other was more rejined and polished, 
 but vicious and dissipated against the plainest 
 dictates of an enlightened understanding. 
 
 Such were their natures, and their passions such, 
 Those did disguise too little, these too much. 
 
 i 
 
 Aristotle, in treating of substantial forms, ob- 
 serves that the statue lies hid in a block of marble, 
 which must be brought into life and order by 
 the art of the statuary. " In the same manner," 
 says Johnson, " the philosopher, the saint, or the 
 hero, the wise, the good, or the great man, very 
 often lie hid and concealed in a plebeian, which 
 a proper education might have disinterred and 
 brought to light ;" and carrying on the compa- 
 rison, " sometimes," says he, " we see the block
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 51 
 
 only begun to be chipped, sometimes rough hewn, 
 and but just sketched into a human figure ; 
 sometimes we see the man appearing distinctly 
 in all his limbs and features : sometimes we find 
 the figure wrought up to great elegancy, but sel- 
 dom meet with any to which the hand of a Phi- 
 dias or Praxiteles could not give several nice 
 touches and finishings." 
 
 The Country 'Squire of old times was but 
 rough, hewn, chipped, and sketched into a human 
 figure, but it is to be doubted whether Phidias 
 or Praxiteles would have mended him by soften- 
 ing his roughnesses, at the expence of his sim- 
 plicity, solidity, and weight. We have an ad- 
 mirable specimen of the honest feelings and 
 principles, as well as of the simplicity of some 
 of our retired ancestors in the Memoirs of a 
 Country Gentleman, in the 622d No. of the Spec- 
 tator. It is somewhat remarkable that the pre- 
 sent Autocrat of Russia should be reported to 
 have said, " The man within whose reach Hea- 
 ven has placed the greatest materials for making 
 life happy, is an English Country Gentleman." 
 See Carr's Northern Tour *. 
 
 * There is nothing perhaps so much wanting in Alexander's own 
 dominion, which at the best can scarcely yet be said to be more thau 
 E2
 
 52 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 The more polished Country Gentleman of the 
 present day, with his " nice touches and finish- 
 ings," is seldom satisfied, (for many months of 
 the year,) " to breathe his native air in his own 
 ground ;" but passes perhaps some of his time in 
 London, some by the sea-side, at Bath, Chelten- 
 ham, or other public places, and when at home 
 is seldom brought into any close contact with 
 his poorer neighbours, either in the way of bu- 
 siness or amusement. His household no longer 
 
 very superficially civilised, as the very character here alluded fo. 
 There is by all accounts at present no connecting link in Russia, be- 
 tween the court and the cottage, the noble and the peasant, the titled 
 and untitled classes ; for military titles and court offices, are quite 
 sufficient there, to place a man in the ranks of aristocracy. A curi- 
 ous story to this effect is told in Dr. Clarke's Travels, so applicable 
 to the case before us, as not to be passed over. Two of our country- 
 men, persons of considerable property, stopping, in the course of their 
 travela, at Nicholaef, were at first received with the greatest atten- 
 tion, sainted by all classes, as " Milords Anglais" and placed high 
 at the dinner table of the Chief Admiral, to whom they had been in- 
 troduced. In a few days, however, having modestly declined to be 
 called any longer Milords, and being, in consequence of this, pressed 
 rather too closely to reveal their rank in England, when it was found 
 that they had no other account to give of theuisel ves than that they were 
 plain English GENTLEMEN, they were speedily driven to the bottom 
 of the table, superseded by every lieutenant, ensign, army-surgeon, 
 secretary, police-officer, &c., and nearly famished into the bargain, by 
 having only empty dishes and dry bones served to them, in direct 
 and utter contempt of their ignoble, or rather unfilled condition.
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 53 
 
 consists, as it used to do, of the children of his 
 tenantry or country dependents, but are com- 
 paratively foreigners, in manners, taste, and 
 local attachments, ill adapted to minister to 
 those rude hospitalities, or join in those rustic 
 festivities, which were the delights of ancient 
 days, and which opened the hearts of the rich 
 and poor towards each other, as members of one 
 family, intimately acquainted and connected from 
 the cradle to the grave ! These times are past ; 
 nor are such anti-social manners and habits con- 
 fined to the Country 'Squire only ; they have 
 passed on to the tenantry of England ; the com- 
 mon farmer in many parts of the kingdom no 
 longer sits down with his family to the same 
 board with his servants, nor do they in general 
 dwell, as they used to do, under the same roof. 
 This is a great evil in country places ; the hus- 
 bandry servant is becoming every day less at- 
 tached to his employer ; less under his controul ; 
 less regular in his habits and manners ; more 
 detached and insulated less acquainted with 
 the comforts and advantages of domestic eco- 
 nomy, prudent management, and frugal house- 
 wifery, which were easily learned and imbibed 
 when one roof covered, and one table fed, not
 
 54 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 only the farmer and his wife and children, but all 
 the Mercenarii who worked under him, all the la- 
 bourers attached to the farm *. 
 
 As I never stand upon any ceremonies in bor- 
 rowing from authors young and old, any thing 
 I find interestingly applicable to the subject in 
 hand, not caring how often it may have been 
 read before, if it read differently and perhaps 
 with some additional effect where I introduce it, 
 I cannot resist the following passage from that 
 delightful poem, the Deserted Village ; a poem 
 which beautifully describes some at least of the 
 changes introduced by the progress of wealth 
 and luxury in country places ; I only regret that 
 he did not find amongst his characters the old 
 Country 'Squire himself. 
 
 Ill fares the land, to hastening ills a prey, 
 Where wealth accumulates and men decay ; 
 Princes and Lords may flourish or may fade ; 
 A breath can make them as a breath has made: 
 
 * My first Edition had scarcely been published before I read, in 
 a provincial paper, the following passage, which I copy verbatim. 
 
 Old Times renewed. Mr. John Pitcher, who lately kept the Crown 
 Inn, in Hailsham, has this Michaelmas taken a farm in the adjoining 
 parish, and hired his servants (as Farmers used to do) as in-door 
 servants. The long-table is spread in the kitchen, with good farm- 
 house provision, and the Master and Mistress take their seats at the 
 head. A'IWWMC Advertiser.
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 55 
 
 But a bold peasantry, their country's pride, 
 When once destroy'd can never be supplied. 
 
 A time there was, ere England's griefs began, 
 When every rood of ground maintain'd its man, 
 For him light labour spread her wholesome store, 
 Just gave what life reqnir'd, but gave no more. 
 His best companions, innocence and health, 
 And his best riches, ignorance of wealth. 
 
 But times are alter'd ; trade's unfeeling train 
 Usurp the land, and dispossess the swain ; 
 Along the lawn, where scatter'd hamlets rose, 
 Unwieldy wealth and cumbrous pomp repose ; 
 And every want to luxury allied, 
 And every pang that folly pays to pride. 
 Those gentle hours that plenty bade to bloom, 
 Those calm desires that ask'd but little room, 
 Those healthful sports that grac'd the peaceful scene, 
 Liv'd in each look and brighten'd all the green ; 
 These far departing, seek a kinder shore, 
 And RURAL MIRTH and MANNERS are no more." 
 
 The same poem describes the rural mirth and 
 manners that were in the view of the author at 
 the time, and it must be acknowledged that in 
 a great degree they ARE NO MORE ! The rural 
 scenes of ancient days are very different from 
 what we see taking place at present. Even the 
 MELL, or harvest supper, so called from the old 
 French word " mesler," to mingle, because mas- 
 ter and man sat down to the same table, and all 
 inequality was suspended pro tempore, is nearly 
 forgotten.
 
 56 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 " In harvest time, harvest folkc, servants and til, 
 Should make altogither good cliere in the hal ; 
 And fill out the blacke bol, of bleith to their song, 
 And let them be merrie al harvest time long." 
 
 There is something in the very cadence of the 
 verse, that bespeaks, what I would wish to have 
 leave to call jollier times than those in which we 
 live. Bloomfield in his " Farmer's Boy," sorely 
 regrets the abandonment of the old Harvest feast, 
 after describing which he adds feelingly, 
 
 " Such were the dajs ! of days long past I sing." 
 
 But to return to the elegant author of the 
 Deserted Village. His picture of depopulation as 
 the consequence of the progress of wealth, trade, 
 and commerce, is known to be faulty ; not only 
 contrary to the most acknowledged principles 
 of political economy, but to fact. Goldsmith 
 tried to defend himself against these charges, 
 in a dedication to Sir Joshua Reynolds, but in 
 vain. His " Deserted Village" stands marked 
 in one of the most elegant works we have upon 
 the science just alluded to, (Mrs. Marcet's Con- 
 versations on Political Economy) as full of 
 errors of this description ; and I do not there- 
 fore like to cite it, without this hint to unwary 
 readers ; otherwise I feel quite persuaded in my
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 57 
 
 own mind that luxury has wrought very con- 
 siderable changes in country mirth and manners, 
 and set the gentry and the peasantry at a dis- 
 tance from each other, to the detriment of both. 
 There is a lovely cast of social affection, kind- 
 ness and benevolence ; of local feelings and local 
 attachments, in the description of Goldsmith's 
 Auburn, which I fear we should now look for in 
 vain in most of our country villages *. But Gold- 
 
 * This passage, in my former Edition, seems to have been misun- 
 derstood, by a writer in the Literary Register, for June, 1823. He is 
 pleased to say, that he hopes I meant to speak ironically rather than 
 seriously, " For," he adds, " I should be sorry to see a writer of 
 such genius entangled in the metaphysical cobwebs of our modern 
 economists." I thank this gentleman both for his compliment and 
 his hint, and in respect to the latter, am ready to declare, that I 
 should not attempt to repeat the passage, if I did not feel that it ad- 
 mitted of a satisfactory explanation. I have, I should hope, quite as 
 wary an apprehension of the " metaphysical cobwebs of our modern 
 economists," as the writer himself, if I may pretend to know any 
 thing at all of that very curious science, political economy : a sci- 
 ence, which though at present almost in its infancy, may, I think, 
 ultimately, by the aid of statistics, political observation and expe- 
 rience, and a more general attention to the multifarious objects de- 
 pendent on it, than has hitherto taken place, be reduced in a great 
 abundance of cases, if not in all, to certain principles; but until 
 this actually takes place, many mistakes mast be made. Goldsmith's 
 mistake did not, I apprehend, consist in over-rating any depopulation 
 of the country, as arising out of the progress of luxury and increase of 
 towns, which must have the effect of lowering the average of the 
 agricultural population generally. In this lie might have been right,
 
 58 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 smith is a very modern writer upon these sub- 
 jects ; such changes as those to which I am ad- 
 
 but even then he should have known, that such a course of things is 
 the allowed and regular mark of ike progress of society in an improv- 
 ing country. Goldsmith, I conceive, was wrong, in too hastily con- 
 cluding, as he seems to have done, that 
 
 " Where wealth accumulates, men must decay." 
 
 It is the union of the agricultural and commercial systems, says Mr. 
 Malthus, and not either of them taken separately, that is calculated 
 to produce the greatest national prosperity ; what then are we to 
 think of the following lines ? 
 
 But times are alter'd ; Trade's unfeeling train 
 Usurp the land, and dispossess the Swain." 
 
 The poet certainly appears to have considered the progress of 
 wealth as necessarily operating to the disadvantage and depression 
 of the poor. With this, however, 1 have, in fact, nothing to do ; my 
 own remarks were intended to be confined, merely to the unfortu- 
 nate, though perhaps unavoidable consequences, of that improvement 
 and refinement of manners, which has tended to set the Gentry of the 
 land, at a wider distance from the tenantry and peasantry than was 
 formerly the case ; and by attracting the former to our cities, towns, 
 and watering places, much increased the evils arising from non resi- 
 dence (more or less) on their estates, to the interruption of that 
 " rural mirth," and change of those " rural manners," which the poet 
 has so beautifully delineated. 
 
 But, the writer to whom I am alluding, in careful also to remind 
 me, that Goldsmith was the poet of nature and the poor, and his 
 Auburn an IRISH village ; " it was not therefore for him to praise 
 the pastimes of fox-hunting 'Squires, or of rack-rent landholders." 
 I cannot help thinking that this very remark makes my case the
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 59 
 
 verting may be traced as far back at least as the 
 times of Elizabeth and James. The celebrated 
 
 stronger; for what country upon earth suffers more than Ireland at 
 this present moment, from absenteeship (if I may nse such an expres- 
 sion), the very cause perhaps of rack-rents, and other oppressions ? 
 And are not things getting worse every day from the want of that 
 social intercourse and harmony between the different classes, the 
 interruption of which I so much deplore ? Had not the Gentry, and 
 tenantry, and peasantry of that distracted country, better be killing 
 foxes together, in the way of joint amusement, than cutting each 
 other's throats ? Where is there any room for " rural mirth," under 
 such a dreadful depravation of " rural manners," as appears to have 
 taken place in that unhappy country ? 
 
 I know not to whom I may stand indebted for some help in this 
 argument ; but the following passage, from a late number of the St. 
 James's Chronicle, seems almost to have been written for my parti- 
 cular purpose. Speaking of the present wretched state of Ireland, 
 the writer observes, " Until lately, the Gentry and Yeomanry of Ire- 
 laud did exercise an authority over the peasantry, which though not 
 consistent with our English notion of liberty, was highly advanta- 
 geous to the peasants themselves ; and, as painful experience has 
 proved, was absolutely necessary to the safety of their superiors. 
 Civilization advanced under its gentle control ; ease and plenty 
 abounded ; and the BARD of AUBURN sketched the most delightful 
 picture of rustic happiness that ever gratified the fancy, or calmed 
 the passions, amid these same scenes, which are now made hideous 
 with noon-day murders, or blaze with midnight conflagrations." 
 Now, it appears to me, that the only difference upon the subject be- 
 tween this writer and myself is, that I do not recognize in Gold- 
 smith's poem, any proper notice of the Gentry. The moment the 
 Gantry are made to appear, the poor are ruined : the village school, 
 the revered Clergyman, even the public-house, seem all to vauish on
 
 60 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 Song of the old and young Courtier of their 
 days, is little different from what might be said 
 of the old and young 'Squire, of later times. 
 The Song itself I must confess is almost too old 
 to introduce into so modern a work as my own, 
 yet as many of my readers may be .young, and 
 less acquainted with these things than myself 
 and my contemporaries, (whom heaven preserve !) 
 I shall venture to transcribe it, as extremely 
 illustrative of the subject before us. If only 
 
 the approach of Gentry, and nothing to be left to the surviving rus- 
 tics but emigration ; not to the metropolis, or any trading or manu- 
 facturing towns, but to the wilds of America ; 
 
 " Where at each step the stranger fears to wake 
 The rattling terrors of the vengeful snake ; 
 Where crouching tigers wait their hapless prey, 
 And savage men more murd'rous still than they ;" &c. &c. 
 
 Can we possibly allow this to pass for a fair description of the in- 
 fluence and operation of wealth in country places ? Goldsmith con- 
 tended, that he described only what he had seen; and Auburn per- 
 haps (though I know not how) may have become a " deserted village," 
 in the very way he describes ; but I cannot help thinking, that it 
 would not have so fallen out if it had contained but one old, original, 
 fox-hunting and resident 'Squire of large domain, who might have kept 
 his rustic neighbours together, atid repelled all intruders. If Gold- 
 smith, as poet of the poor, meant to deprecate in general the influ- 
 ence of icriilth, as decidedly inimical to the interests of the lower 
 classes, he was unquestionably wrong : and his poem has certainly 
 too much of this tendencv.
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 61 
 
 one of my readers should not have met with it 
 before, he may as well read it here, as else- 
 where ; and if of those who have known it long, 
 any one should dislike to see it again, I shall 
 pity his taste. 
 
 The old Courtier. 
 I. 
 
 An old song made by an aged old pate, 
 Of an old worshipful Gentleman that had a great estate, 
 That kept a brave old house at a bountiful rate, 
 And an old porter to relieve the poor at his gate, 
 
 Like an old Courtier of the Queen's, 
 
 And the Queen's old Courtier. 
 
 II. 
 
 With an old lady whose anger one word assuages, 
 
 They every quarter paid their old servants their wages, 
 
 And never knew what belong'd to coachmen, footmen, or pages, 
 
 But kept twenty old fellows with blue coats and badges, 
 
 Like an old Courtier of the Queen's, 
 
 And the Queen's old Courtier. 
 
 III. 
 
 With an old study fill'd full of learned old books, 
 With an old rev'rend Chaplain, you might know him by his looks, 
 With an old buttery hatch worn quite off the hooks, 
 And an old kitchen that maintain'd half a dozen old cooks, 
 
 Like an old Courtier of the Queen's, 
 
 And the Queen's old Courtier. 
 
 IV. 
 
 With an old ball hung about with pikes, guns, and bows, 
 
 With old swords and bucklers, that had borne many shrewd blows,
 
 62 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 With an old frieze coat, to cover his worshipful trunk hose, 
 And a cup of old sherry to comfort his copper nose ; 
 
 Like an M Courtier of the Queen's, 
 
 And the Queen's old Courtier. 
 
 V. 
 
 With a good old fashion, when Christmas was come, 
 To call in all his old neighbours with bagpipe and drum, 
 With good cheer enough to furnish every old room, 
 And old liquor able to make a cat speak, and man dumb, 
 
 Like an old Courtier of the Queen's, 
 
 And the Queen's old Courtier. 
 
 VI. 
 
 With an old falconer, huntsman, and a kennel of hounds, 
 That never hawk'd nor hunted but in his own grounds, 
 Who like a wise man kept himself within his own bounds, 
 And when he died gave every child a thousand good pounds, 
 
 Like an old Courtier of the Queen's, 
 
 And the Queens old Courtier. 
 
 VII. 
 
 Bat to his eldest son his house and land he assign'd, 
 Charging him in his will to keep the old bountiful mind, 
 To be good to his old tenants, and to his neighbours kind, 
 But in the ensuing ditty you shall hear how he was inclin'd, 
 
 Like a young Courtier of the King's, 
 
 And the King's young Courtier. 
 
 The young Courtier. 
 
 VIII. 
 
 Like a flourishing young gallant, newly come to his land, 
 Who keeps a couple of painted Madams at his command,
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLE.MEN. 63 
 
 And takes up a thousand pounds upon his father's land, 
 And gets drunk in a tavern till he can neither go nor stand, 
 
 Like a young Courtier of the King's, 
 
 And the King's young Courtier. 
 
 IX. 
 
 With a new fangl'd lady that is dainty, nice, and spare, 
 Who never knew what belong'd to good housekeeping and care, 
 Who buys gawdy-colour'd fans, to play with wanton air, 
 And seven or eight different dressings of other women's hair, 
 
 Like a young Courtier of the King's, 
 
 And the King's young Courtier. 
 
 X. 
 
 With a new fashion'd hall, built where the old one stood, 
 Hung round with new pictures that do the poor no good, 
 With a fine marble chimney, wherein burns neither coals nor wood, 
 And a new smooth shovel-board, whereon no victuals e'er stood, 
 
 Like a young Courtier of the King's, 
 
 And the King's young Courtier. 
 
 XI. 
 
 With a study stuff'd full of pamphlets and plays, 
 And a new Chaplain that swears faster than he prays, 
 With a new buttery batch that opens once in four days, 
 And a French cook to devise fine kickshaws and toys, 
 
 Like a young Courtier of the King's, 
 
 And the King's young Courtier. 
 
 XII. 
 
 With a new fashion, when Christmas is drawing on, 
 On a new journey to London straight we all must be gone, 
 And leave none to keep house but our new Porter John, 
 Who relieves the poor with a thump on the back with a stone, 
 
 Like a young Courtier of the King's, 
 
 And the King's young Courtier.
 
 64 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 XIII. 
 
 With a new Gentleman Usher, whose carriage is complete, 
 With a new coachman, footmen, and pages to carry up the meat, 
 With a waiting gentlewoman, whose dressing is very neat, 
 Who, when her lady has din'd, lets the servants not eat, 
 
 Like a young Courtier of the King's, 
 
 And the King's young Courtier. 
 
 XIV. 
 
 With new titles of honor, bought with his father's old gold, 
 For which sundry of his ancestors' old manors were sold, 
 And this is the course most of our new gallants hold, 
 Which makes that good housekeeping is now grown so cold, 
 
 Amongst the young Courtiers of the King*s, 
 
 And the King's young Courtiers. 
 
 Now though the above ditty may seem to refer 
 to Courtiers, it is evident that the Country resi- 
 dent, or Country 'Squire, was the chief character 
 in view; and from a contemporary historian, 
 Hollinshed, it appears that towards the close of 
 the XVIth century, there was a great jealousy 
 excited, in regard to the habits and manners of 
 the English Gentry, who were supposed to be in 
 danger of contamination, from the introduction 
 of French follies and frivolities, as may be seen 
 in the following extract. 
 
 " Neither was it merrier with England than 
 when an Englishman was knowne abroad by his 
 owne cloth, and contented himselfe at home with
 
 fiSQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 65 
 
 his fine carsie hosen, and a meane slop : his coat, 
 gowne, and cloak of browne, blue, or puke, with 
 some pretie furniture of velvet or furre, and a 
 doublet of sad tawnie, or blacke velvet, or other 
 comelie silke, without such cuts and gawrish 
 colours, as are worne in these dales, and never 
 brought in but by consent of the French, who 
 think themselves the gaiest men, when they have 
 most diversities of jagges and change of colours 
 about them." 
 
 But the too great resort of the English Gentry 
 to the Metropolis, of their neglect of rural hos- 
 pitalities, and contempt of rural manners, appear 
 to have particularly engaged the attention of our 
 English Solomon, James the First, and the con- 
 templative Bishop Hall, in the course of the 
 XVIIth century. Let us first hear what the 
 King says, in his Address to the Council of the 
 Star Chamber. 
 
 " One of the greatest causes," says his Ma- 
 jesty, " of all Gentlemen's desire that have no 
 calling or errand to dwell in London, is appa- 
 rently the pride of the women; for if they be 
 wives, then their husbands, if they be maids, then 
 their fathers, must bring them up to London, 
 because the new fashion is to be had nowhere 
 
 VOL. II. F
 
 66 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN; 
 
 but in London : and here, if they be unmarried, 
 they mar their marriages ; and if they be married, 
 they lose their reputations, and rob their hus- 
 band's purses. It is the fashion of Italy that 
 All the Gentry dwell in the principal towns, and 
 so the whole country is empty : even so now in 
 Eiigland, all the country is gotten into London, 
 so as with time England will be only London, 
 and the whole country be left waste : for as we 
 now do imitate the French in fashion of clothes, 
 and lacquies to follow every man, so have we got 
 up the Italian fashion, in living miserably in our 
 houses, and dwelling all in the city : but let us 
 in God's name, leave these idle foreign toys, and 
 keep the old fashion of England; and there- 
 fore, as every fish lives in his own place, some 
 in the fresh, some in the salt, some in the mud, 
 so let every one live in his own place, some at 
 Court, some in the city, some in the country : 
 specially at festival times, as Christmas and 
 Easter, and the rest." 
 
 Lord Bacon, in his Apothegms, tells us, that 
 King James " was wont to be very earnest with 
 the Country Gentlemen to go from London to 
 their country houses : sometimes saying to them, 
 Oentlemen, at London you are like ships at sea,
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 67 
 
 which shew like nothing; but in your country 
 villages, you are like ships in a river, .which look 
 like very great things." The successor of King 
 James, Charles the First, absolutely sent them 
 packing, by proclamation, insisting that " every 
 Nobleman, or Gentleman, Bishop, Rector, or 
 Curate, unless.he were in the service of the Court 
 or Council, should in forty days depart from the 
 cities of London and Westminster, and resort to 
 their several counties, where they usually reside, 
 and there keep their habitations and hospitality, 
 attend their services, and be ready for the defence 
 and guidance of those parts, as their callings, 
 degrees, and abilities, should extend." 
 
 In Bishop Hall's Satires, the Gentry's deser- 
 tion of their country residences is thus feelingly 
 set forth. 
 
 " Beat (he broad gates, a goodly hollow sound 
 With double echoes doth againe rebound ; 
 But not a dog doth bark to welcome thee, 
 Nor churlish porter canst thou chafing see ; 
 All dumb and silent, like the dead of night, 
 Or dwelling of some sleepy Sybarite ? 
 The marble pavement hid with desert ^eed, 
 With house-leek, thistle, dock and hemlock seed, 
 Look to the towered chimnies, which should be 
 The wind-pipes of good hospitalitie ; 
 Lo, there tli'.uqthankful swallow, takes.ber. rest. 
 And fills the tunnel with her circled nest." 
 F2
 
 68 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 It would be unpardonable, in writing of COMW-* 
 try 'Squires,to omit the following portraits drawn 
 from the life. 
 
 The first is of the celebrated Mr. Hastings of 
 Dorsetshire, of whom a picture is preserved, in 
 the possession, I think, of the Earl of Shaftes- 
 bury. 
 
 Mr. Hastings was low of stature, but strong 
 and active, of a ruddy complexion, with flaxen 
 hair. His cloaths were always of green cloth, his 
 house was of the old fashion ; in the midst of a 
 large park, well stocked with deer, rabbits, and 
 fish-ponds. He had a long narrow bowling-green 
 in it , and used to play with round sand bowls. 
 Here too he had a banqueting room built, like 
 a stand, in a large tree ! He kept all sorts of 
 hounds, that ran buck, fox, hare, otter, and bad- 
 ger; and had hawks of all kinds, both long and 
 short winged. His great hall was commonly 
 strewed with marrow bones, and full of hawk- 
 perches, hounds, spaniels, and terriers. The upper 
 end of it was hung with fox-skins, of this and the 
 last year's killing. Here and there a pole-cat was 
 intermixed ; and hunter's poles in great abun- 
 dance. The parlour was a large room, com- 
 pletely furnished in the same style. On a broad
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 69 
 
 hearth, paved with brick, lay some of the choic- 
 est terriers, hounds, and spaniels. One or two of 
 the great chairs had litters of cats in them, which 
 were not to be disturbed. Of these, three or 
 four always attended him at dinner, and a little 
 white wand lay by his trencher to defend it, if 
 they were too troublesome. In the windows, 
 which were very large, lay his arrows, crossbows, 
 and other accoutrements. The corners of the 
 room were filled with his best hunting and 
 hawking poles. His oyster table stood at the 
 lower end of the room, which was in constant 
 use twice a day, all the year round, for he never 
 failed to eat oysters both at dinner and supper ; 
 with which the neighbouring town of Pool sup- 
 plied him. At the upper end of the room stood 
 a small table with a double desk, one side of 
 which held a Church Bible, the other the Book 
 of Martyrs. On different tables in the room lay 
 hawk's-hoods, bells, old hats, with their crowns 
 thrust in, full of pheasants' eggs; tables, dice, cards, 
 and store of tobacco pipes. At one end of this 
 room was a door, which opened into a closet, 
 where stood bottles of strong beer and wine, 
 which never came out but in single glasses, 
 
 O O ' 
 
 \vhich was the rule of the house ; for he never
 
 70 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 exceeded himself, nor permitted others to ex- 
 ceed. Answering to this closet, was a door into 
 an old chapel, which had been long disused for 
 devotion ; but in the pulpit, as the safest place, 
 was always to be found a cold chine of beef, a 
 venison pasty, a gammon of bacon, or a great 
 apple-pie, with thick crust, well baked. His 
 table cost him not much, though it was good to 
 eat at. His sports supplied all, but beef and 
 mutton, except on Fridays, when he had the 
 best of fish. He never wanted a London pud- 
 ding ; and he always sang it in with " my part 
 lies therein-a." He drank a glass or two of 
 wine at meals ; put syrup of gilly- flowers into 
 his sack; and had always a tun glass of small 
 beer standing by him, which he often stirred 
 about with rosemary. He lived to be an hundred, 
 and never lost his eye-sight, nor used spectacles. 
 He got on horseback without help, and rode 
 to the death of the stag, till he was past four- 
 score. 
 
 Grose has given us, in his sketches of some 
 worn-out characters of the last age, a most 
 amusing portrait of the Country 'Squire of Queen 
 Anne's days : " I mean," says he, " the little 
 independant Gentlerftan of three hundred pounds
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 71 
 
 per annum, who commonly appeared in a plain 
 drab or plush coat, large silver buttons, a jockey 
 cap, and rarely without boots. His travels ne- 
 ver exceeded the distance of the county town, 
 and that only at assize and session time, or to 
 attend an election. Once a week he commonly 
 dined at the next market town, with the attor- 
 nies and justices. This man went to Church 
 regularly, read the weekly journal, settled the 
 parochial disputes between the parish officers 
 at the vestry, and afterwards adjourned to the 
 neighbouring ale-house, where he usually got 
 drunk for the good of his country. He never 
 played at cards but at Christmas, when a family 
 pack was produced from the mantle-piece. He 
 was commonly followed by a couple of grey- 
 hounds and a pointer, and announced his arrival 
 at a neighbour's house by smacking his whip, or 
 giving the view-halloo. His drink was generally 
 ale, except on Christmas, the fifth of November, 
 or some other gala days, when he would make a 
 bowl of strong brandy punch, garnished with a 
 toast and nutmeg. A journey to London was, 
 by one of these men, reckoned as great an un- 
 dertaking, as is at present a voyage to the East 
 Indies, and undertaken with scarce less precau-
 
 72 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 tion and preparation. His hall was furnished 
 with flitches of bacon, and the mantle-piece with 
 gum and Jishing-rods of different dimensions, ac- 
 companied by the broad sword, partizan, and 
 dagger, borne by his ancestor in the civil wars. 
 The vacant spaces were occupied by stag's honis. 
 Against the wall was posted King Charles's Gol- 
 den Rules, Vincent Wing's Almanack, and a Por- 
 trait of the Duke of Marlborough ; in his window 
 lay Baker's Chronicle, Fox's Book of Martyrs, 
 Glanvil on Apparitions, Quincey's Dispensatory, 
 the Complete Justice, and a book of Farriery. 
 
 " In the corner, by the fire-side, stood a large 
 wooden two-armed chair with a cushion ; and 
 within the chimney corner were a couple of 
 seats. Here, at Christmas, he entertained his 
 tenants, assembled round a glowing fire made of 
 the roots of trees, and other great logs, and told 
 and heard the traditionary tales of the village 
 respecting ghosts and witches, till fear made 
 them afraid to move. In the mean time, the 
 jorum of ale was in continual circulation." 
 
 These are excellent descriptions, or rather, as 
 I have observed, portraits from life, of the true 
 old English 'Squire, very unlike Mr. John Care- 
 lesse's " Old English 'Squire, in 10 Cantos,"
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 73 
 
 with XXIV absurd but gawdy plates, printed for 
 Thomas M'Lean, 26, Haymarket, 1821 ; of which 
 I cannot help saying, in reproof of the bad taste 
 of the times, I never saw such a parcel of perfect 
 nonsense (amounting to no less than 2159 lines) 
 made into &jine book, in the whole course of my 
 life. 
 
 Of the Christmas festivals of our ancestors, 
 take the following account, from the Collections 
 of Aubrey, 1678. " An English Gentleman, at 
 the opening of the great Day, that is, on CHRIST- 
 MAS Day, in the morning, had all his tenants 
 and neighbours entered his hall by day-break. 
 The strong beer was broached, and the black-jacks 
 went plentifully about with toast, sugar, nutmeg, 
 and good Cheshire cheese. The tables were all 
 spread from the first to the last ; the sirloins of 
 beef, the minced pies, the plum-porridge, the capons, 
 turkeys, geese, and plum-puddings, were all brought 
 upon the board ; every one eat heartily, and was 
 welcome, which gave rise to the Proverb, 
 
 " Merry in the hall, when beards wag all." 
 
 But the ancient festivities of Christmas, can- 
 not possibly be better described, than by the pen 
 of Sir Walter Scott, in Marmion. Every body
 
 74 ESQUlliES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 has read it, and yet I think nobody will dislike 
 to be put again in mind of it,, as strictly apper- 
 taining to the subject we are upon. 
 
 ' Well onr Christian Sires of old 
 
 Lov'd when the year its course had roll'd, 
 
 And brought blithe Christmas back again, 
 
 With all his hospitable train. 
 
 Domestic and religious rite 
 
 Gave honor to the holy night : 
 
 On Christmas Eve the bells were rung ; 
 
 Forth to the wood did merry men go, 
 To gather in the misletoe. 
 Then opened wide the Baron's hall 
 To Vassal, Tenant, serf and all; 
 Power laid his rod of rule aside, 
 And Ceremony doff'd his Pride. 
 The heir with roses in his shoes, 
 That night might village partner chuse ; 
 The Lord, underogating, share 
 The Vulgar game of " pqst and pair." 
 All hail'd, with uncontrolled delight, 
 And general voice, the happy night, 
 That to the Cottage, as the Crown, 
 Brought TIDINGS of SALVATION down. 
 
 " The fire with well-dried logs supplied, 
 Went roaring up the chimney wide ; 
 The huge Hall-Table's oaken face, 
 Scrubb'd 'till it shone, the day to grace, 
 Bore then upon its massive board 
 No mark to part the 'Squire and Lord.
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 75 
 
 Then was brought in the lusty braivn, 
 By old blue-coated serving-man ; 
 Then the grim boar's-head frowned on high, 
 Crested with bays and rosemary. 
 
 Then came the merry masquers in, 
 
 And carols roar'd with blithesome din ; 
 
 If unmelodious was the song, 
 
 It was a hearty note, and strong. 
 
 But O ! what masquers, richly dight, 
 
 Can boijst of bosoms half so light? 
 
 England was inerry England, when 
 
 Old Christmas brought his sports again 
 
 A Christmas gambol oft could cheer 
 
 The poor man's heart through half the year." 
 
 " I have often thought," said the kind-hearted 
 Sir Roger de Coverly, " it happens very well 
 that Christmas should fall out in the middle of the 
 Winter. It is the most dead, uncomfortable 
 time of the year, when the poor people would 
 suffer very much from their poverty and cold, if 
 they had not good cheer, warm fires, and Christ- 
 mas gambols to support them. I love to rejoice 
 their poor hearts at this season, and to see the 
 whole village merry in my great hall. I allow a 
 double quantity of malt to my small beer, and 
 set it a running for twelve days to every one that 
 calls for it. I have always a piece of cold beef 
 and a mince-pie upon the table, and am won- 
 derfully pleased to see my tenants pass away a
 
 76 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 whole evening in playing their innocent tricks 
 and smutting one another." 
 
 " Alas !" as Bloomfield says, " such were the 
 days." I fear there is now no possible chance of 
 their revival. In no instance could the proper dra- 
 matis persona of such highly interesting entertain- 
 ments be found. Thanks to our mismanaged poor 
 laws, the wealth of our Country Gentlemen is 
 forced into other channels, and the poor demand- 
 ing as their right, what formerly was distributed 
 amongst them in the true spirit of charity and so- 
 cial benevolence, are become too demoralized, rapa- 
 cious, covetous, and unthankful, to participate in 
 such festive scenes. Such RURAL MIRTH and 
 MANNERS then, I greatly fear, are truly no more. 
 But whose fault is it ? I shall beg leave to in- 
 troduce some extracts from a work that has 
 lately appeared, said to be written by an Ame- 
 rican, which may help perhaps to throw some 
 light upon this subject. 
 
 " I do not know a more enviable condition of 
 life, than that of an ENGLISH GENTLEMAN, of 
 sound judgment and good feelings, who passes 
 the greater part of his time on an hereditary 
 estate in the country. He has it greatly in his 
 power to do good, and to have that good im-
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 77 
 
 mediately reflected back upon himself. He can 
 render essential service to his country by 
 watching over the opinions and principles of 
 the lower orders around him by mingling 
 frankly among them, gaining their confidence, 
 becoming the immediate auditor of their com- 
 plaints, informing himself of their wants, mak- 
 ing himself a channel through which their griev- 
 ances may be quietly communicated to the pro- 
 per sources of mitigation and relief; or by be- 
 coming, if need be, the enlightened Champion 
 of their rights. It is when the rich and well- 
 educated and highly privileged classes neglect 
 their duties, when they neglect to study their 
 interests, and conciliate the affections, and in- 
 struct the opinions arid champion the rights of 
 the people, that the latter become discontented 
 and turbulent, and fall into the hands of dema- 
 gogues : the demagogue always steps in where 
 the patriot is wanting. 
 
 " It is absurd in a country like England, 
 where there is so much freedom, and such a 
 jealousy of rights, for any man to talk superci- 
 liously of the common people. There is no rank 
 or distinction that severs a man from his fellow- 
 subjects ; and if by any gradual neglect or as-
 
 78 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 sumption on the one side, and discontent and 
 jealousy on the other, the orders of society 
 should really separate, let those who stand on 
 the eminence beware, that the chasm is not mi- 
 ning at their feet. There can be no such thing in 
 a free government as a vacuum, and whenever 
 one is likely to take place, by the drawing off of 
 the rich and intelligent from the poor, the bad 
 passions of society will rush in to fill up the 
 space, and rend the whole asunder. So long as 
 the English Nobility and Gentry pass the greater 
 part of their time in the quiet and purity of the 
 country ; surrounded by the monuments of their 
 illustrious ancestors ; surrounded by every thing 
 that can inspire generous pride, noble emulation, 
 and amiable and magnanimous sentiment ; so 
 long they are safe, and in them the nation may 
 repose its interests and its honor. In a consti- 
 tution like that of England, the titled orders are 
 intended to be as useful as they are ornamental, 
 and it is their virtues alone that can render them 
 both. Their duties are divided between the 
 Sovereign and the subject ; surrounding and 
 giving lustre and dignity to the throne, and at 
 the same time tempering and mitigating its rays, 
 until they are transmitted in mild and gentle ra-
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 79 
 
 diance to the people. Born to leisure and opu- 
 lence, they owe the exercise of their talents, 
 and the expenditure of their wealth to their na- 
 tive country. They may be compared to the 
 clouds ; which being drawn up by the sun, and 
 elevated in the heavens, reflect and magnify his 
 splendour ; while they repay the earth, from 
 which they derive their sustenance, by return- 
 ing their treasures to its bosom in fertilizing 
 showers *." 
 
 I have been obliged to pass over many pas- 
 sages, I could willingly have transcribed, as il- 
 lustrative of my own feelings in regard to a resi- 
 dent Country Gentry ; and of that reciprocity of 
 honest and cordial attachment, which once bound 
 together, in indissoluble harmony, the two or- 
 ders of society, the high and the low. The Town 
 and the Country, as some political economists 
 admit, may be brought to flourish, not sepa- 
 rately but together ; to assist each other, if 
 
 * " The most beautiful possession which a country can have, is a 
 noble or a rich man, who loves virtue and knowledge ; who with- 
 out being feeble or fanatical, is pious and who without being fac- 
 tious, is firm aud independent ; who in his political life, is an equi- 
 table mediator between king and people ; and in his civil life, a firm 
 promoter of all which can shed a lustre upon his country, or promote 
 the peace and order of the world." Edinb. Review.
 
 80 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 neither be suffered to preponderate ; but if the 
 Town tempt too many of our Nobility and Gentry 
 from their country seats, and occasion too wide 
 a chasm between them and their tenantry, de- 
 population would be better perhaps, than so de~ 
 serted a population. In short, the old Country 
 'Squire, with his hounds and horns, his rude 
 manners, and unrefined hospitalities, would in 
 my estimation be far better than no 'Squire 
 at all. 
 
 Having advanced so much in favor of Country 
 'Squires, it may be well that I should guard 
 against some mistakes into which my readers 
 might be led by what I have said above. It is 
 not a 'Squire Western that I am contemplating ; 
 nor yet a Mr. Allworthy ; the former has too many 
 roughnesses about him, the latter too much gen- 
 tility ; and yet, jumbled together, they might a 
 good deal resemble the character I have in view ; 
 perhaps, if Sir Roger de Coverly (bating his 
 Knighthood) were added to the lump, scarcely 
 one virtue or one vice would be wanting to com- 
 plete the Country 'Squire, whose loss I have ven- 
 tured to deplore. 
 
 Sir Roger de Coverly indeed is one of a select 
 number of personages, with whom I would
 
 ESQUIRES AND GENTLEMEN. 81 
 
 not for the world but feel acquainted, in my 
 passage through this chequered life. I shall 
 just mention some of the others. Falstaff, for 
 instance ; Don Quixote and Sancho Panza ; 
 Gil Bias, Uncle Toby, and there may be a few 
 more originals of the same description ; but Sir 
 Roger de Coverly is, I think, my greatest fa- 
 vourite ; and though the Spectator is a book to 
 be found in every library, yet as I never take up 
 any volume of it without finding something new, 
 or apparently so, as my thoughts or meditations 
 at the time may happen to direct me to different 
 topics, I cannot forbear, as a conclusion to this 
 section on Country 'Squires, to solicit the rea- 
 der's attention very particularly to the following 
 Numbers, in which he will be able to see what 
 constituted the intrinsic good qualities of that 
 race of men, " the ornaments of the English na- 
 tion ;" as Sir Roger himself was wont to call 
 them Nos. 106, 107, 108, 110, 112, 113, 115, 
 1 16, 122, 269, 517. I forbear to make extracts ; 
 some of my readers I doubt not already know 
 them nearly by heart. But I shall beg to add 
 two more, viz. Nos. 174 and 544. The former 
 is admirably calculated to shew, how injurious 
 the jealousies are which too commonly subsist, 
 
 VOL. II. G
 
 82 ESQU1EES AND GENTLEMEN. 
 
 between different parties in the State, as parti- 
 cularly between the landed and trading interests, 
 how much trade helps the country, and the 
 country, trade. The latter tends to prove how 
 beneficial in the way of example, the amiable 
 qualities and benevolent views of a true Country 
 Gentleman may be, from the visible effects they 
 produce on those dependent upon them, or bene- 
 fited by them.
 
 CLERGY. 
 
 THERE is one class of persons much out of the 
 way of honors and distinctions ; I mean the 
 Clergy. I know a certain number of them, 
 (about dijifty -seventh part or so of the whole) may 
 become Archbishops, Bishops, Deans, Archdeacons, 
 Canons, Prebendaries, &c. But it is most par- 
 ticularly of those who do not become so, that I 
 mean to speak, and who very possibly may, in 
 abundance of cas.es, as well deserve to be ho- 
 nored and distinguished, as many who obtain 
 titles, &c. &,c. merely on the score of professional 
 merit. We have spoken of the order of Knight- 
 hood being conferred on medical persons, and 
 even people of trade ; but who ever heard of an 
 aged Clergyman being knighted for having past 
 the best years of his life in close residence upon 
 a country benefice, in pious and strict discharge 
 of his parochial duties, in reclaiming the wicked, 
 in encouraging the good, visiting the sick, and 
 administering to the dying ? 
 r, 2
 
 84 CLERGY. 
 
 I know what I am talking about. I do not 
 really mean to say that Knighthood should be 
 conferred on such persons. I apprehend that 
 according to the rules of Chivalry, it could not 
 be, unless they resigned those very benefices of 
 which I am speaking, for I have read that when 
 a Sir John de Gatesden, in the reign of Henry 
 III. being " Clericus et multis ditatus benefaiis," 
 (a Clergyman and pretty considerable pluralist) 
 was to be knighted, he was made to resign his 
 preferment, " quia sic oportuit," because it be- 
 hoved him so to do, and then, (after having done 
 so) he was girt " baltheo militari" or in other 
 words, knighted. 
 
 In ancient times indeed, Sir was a common 
 title of the Clergy, at least of the inferior orders, 
 being the regular translation of Dominus, the 
 designation of those who had taken their first 
 degree in the University. Hence we have in 
 Shakespeare Sir Hugh, in " the Merry Wives of 
 Windsor; 1 ' StrTopas, " Twelfth Night;" Sir Oli- 
 ver, in " As you like it ;" and Sir Nathaniel in 
 " Love's Labour's lost." But that this title was 
 quite distinct from Knighthood, is plain from 
 what Viola says in Twelfth Night, "I am one that 
 had rather go with Sir Priest, than Sir Knight"
 
 CLERGY. 85 
 
 But indeed I am not going to say more of the 
 Clergy, than what I think is due to them. I 
 am intending to speak merely of their exclusion 
 from such public honors as seem open to every 
 other profession, and almost every other calling. 
 It may be well enough to say, they are servants 
 of a KING, whose " kingdom" is " not of this 
 world;" it is fair enough to allege that they ought 
 not to be worldly-minded. I agree to all this ; 
 but why then, as is the case, so continually cast 
 upon them the reproach of being worldly-minded, 
 when they so contentedly forego, what is judged 
 to have the greatest of all attractions for worldly- 
 minded persons, titles, honor, and personal dis- 
 tinction ? 
 
 Besides many of them have families ; and why 
 should such families in no instance whatsoever 
 derive honor from the worth or eminence of their 
 parents-; for this is an exclusion that extends to 
 Bishops and Archbishops, as well as the inferior 
 Clergy ? I know the Clergy may, if the King 
 see fit, be made Baronets, or Peers of the realm, 
 but only in case they should be rich enough to 
 maintain such dignities; this makes the exclusion 
 of the poorer only the more marked, and though 
 I intend no slight to those who may be endowed
 
 86 CLERGY. 
 
 with wealth, yet surely it is amongst the poorer 
 Clergy that we must look for those retired vir- 
 tues, and that modest worth, which might be 
 rendered more exemplary, by some sort of fixed 
 remuneration. 
 
 There could be no harm in this, after the ser- 
 vices performed. It would not interfere with 
 the retired habits of a Country Clergyman, while 
 discharging those duties, if after a certain series 
 of years, every truly pious resident Incumbent 
 were to be rewarded for his pains and attentions, 
 and removed to some easier or less anxious post. 
 A snug stall in some Cathedral would, I doubt 
 not, be far better, than all the orders of Knight- 
 hood in the world? But who is to bestow it 
 upon them? for after all, there is really no pro- 
 portion between the gifts and the claimants. For 
 what are 200 Stalls, I will not say to 18,000 
 Clergy, (though I might say so,) nor yet to 
 10,000 parish ministers, but even to the half or 
 third part of 10,000, with the contingencies of 
 suitable vacancies ? For unless they were con- 
 stantly bestowed on very old men, what prospects 
 of succession could old Incumbents have ? And 
 what chance would there be for them, if it should 
 ever become the custom to bestow them on very 
 young men ?
 
 CLKRGY. 87 
 
 I am not intending to put myself forward as 
 the advocate of the Clergy beyond their just 
 deserts. I can espy faults amongst them as well 
 as amongst other people ; but it is on this very 
 account, I allow myself to touch upon the sub- 
 ject at all. They ought not in all justice to be 
 charged with faults, from which, as a body, they 
 seem to me to be particularly exempt. Besides, 
 while any real faults that they have are sure to 
 be severely noticed, their best virtues are parti- 
 cularly in the way of remaining much concealed : 
 so concealed that I believe I may venture to 
 assert, that no man lives in greater obscurity 
 with respect to the world at large, than the re- 
 sident Incumbent of a Country Village. No 
 man stands a greater chance of being forgotten 
 by his friends, overlooked by his superiors, and 
 passed by in the distribution of honors and re- 
 wards. 
 
 There is an old story told of Bishop Butler, 
 author of the Analogy of Natural and Revealed 
 Religion, which I can well believe. It is said 
 that Queen Caroline, who knew his work, asked 
 Archbishop Blackbourn one day, how long Dr. 
 Butler, the author of the Analogy of Natural and 
 Revealed Religion, had been dead ? " Madam,"
 
 88 CLERGY. 
 
 replied the Archbishop, " he is not dead, but 
 buried." He was in fact at the time resident on 
 a country living in the North of England. The 
 Queen had him disinterred, and interested herself 
 so much in his behalf, that it ended in his ad- 
 vancement at last to the rich See of Durham. 
 
 Our Acts of Parliament in denouncing penal- 
 ties for non-residence are certainly not too strict. 
 Residence should be enforced wherever it can 
 be so ; but while no honors, rewards, or emolu- 
 ments are distinctly set apart for those who do 
 reside, it may be questioned whether the strictly 
 resident, are not in all instances exposed to the 
 greater penalties of the two. I am not speaking 
 of Popish Celibates; I am speaking of the English 
 Protestant Clergy, who have commonly families 
 to be educated, to put forward in the world, and 
 provide for in different lines and callings, which 
 cannot be done effectually without some commerce 
 with the world itself, some remote interest, some 
 patronage public or private. Now it is obvious 
 that many who do not reside upon their country 
 livings, may be much more in the way of these 
 advantages, than those who do. The former may 
 have not only lawful but very creditable dispen- 
 sations for not residing, (as when employed in
 
 CLERGY. 89 
 
 our Universities for instance*) but such dispen- 
 sations and employments, are in themselves of 
 the nature of advantages, and privileges, the want 
 of which may be, occasionally, very mortifying, 
 if not very detrimental, to the confined resident. 
 It is well that the non-resident should be made 
 to provide amply for his substitute, and that the 
 latter should be placed under episcopal protec- 
 tion, and perhaps the payments and allowances 
 to such a substitute, may operate as a sort of 
 mulct upon the income of the non-resident, for 
 which however his dispensations and employ- 
 ments elsewhere may compensate ; but the close 
 and constant resident has always to \ookforward, 
 to a mulct or fine of this very kind, when that 
 distressing period arrives, in which he shall be 
 borne down by the weight of years and infirmi- 
 ties, unable any longer to discharge with credit 
 or effect, those duties to which he had devoted 
 all the better years of his life ; doomed to sur- 
 vive all who had witnessed his former exertions, 
 and become the sport or the prey of their chil- 
 
 * The particular cases in which residence may be not only reason- 
 ably dispensed with, but to the advantage of the public at large, are 
 admirably pointed out by Dr. Sturges, in his " Thoughts on the Resi- 
 dence of the Clergy," 1802, second Edition.
 
 90 CLERGY. 
 
 dren or children's children. These are the things 
 I lament; it is not merely the loss of worldly 
 honors, much less of personal distinctions, that 
 I consider a grievance, but that, unlike all other 
 professions, the most careful and diligent dis- 
 charge of its duties, so far from leading to any 
 rewards, bids fair to end in trouble and sorrow; 
 he who rises in the military profession, may ob- 
 tain riches, titles, stars, ribbands, posts, and pen- 
 sions, for slaying or causing to be slain some 
 hundreds or some thousands of his fellow crea- 
 tures ; while he who by a protracted life and 
 long residence on a country living, shall have 
 bestowed Christian burial on a whole generation 
 of honest rustics, may be daily sinking deeper 
 and deeper into obscurity, if not into positive 
 care and disquietude. Worldly honors in such 
 a case would be a mere mockery; nor do I 
 believe that any of the resident Clergy covet 
 such things ; but surely some assistance, if not 
 some reward might be found for those who are 
 particularly exemplary in the discharge of their 
 duties in this profession and calling, as well as 
 in others. The Chaplain of the House of Com- 
 mons is always rewarded with a King's Stall, 
 when he has read some very short prayers to that
 
 CLERGY. 91 
 
 honourable assembly for about eighteen months 
 in the space of three years, or perhaps much less ; 
 this may not be improper, considering the dig- 
 nity of the appointment ; but three times eighteen 
 YEARS residence on a country living in the most 
 desolate part of England or Wales, establishes no 
 claim whatsoever to any thing further ! 
 
 I have already stated that the Stalls in our 
 Cathedrals, if expressly appropriated to such 
 purposes, would be far from sufficient ; but that 
 they were formerly so appropriated, as far as they 
 would go, I have reason to think from the follow- 
 ing extract from a very old book. 
 
 Mr. Harrison, in his description of Britaine, 
 prefixed to Hollinshed's Chronicle, speaking of 
 Cathedral Churches, observes, " These Cathe- 
 drall Churches have in like maner other digni- 
 ties and canonries still remayning unto them as 
 heretofore, under the Popish regiment. How- 
 beit those that are chosen to the same are no 
 ydle and unprofitable persons, (as in times past 
 they have beene when most of these livinges 
 were either furnished with straungers, especially 
 out of Italy, or such ideots as had least skill of 
 all in discharging of those functions, whereunto 
 they were called by vertue of these stipendes)
 
 92 CLERGY. 
 
 but such a by preaching and teaching can and 
 doe learnedly set forthe the glorie of God, and 
 farder the overthrow of Antichrist to the utter- 
 most of their powers." 
 
 Whether the learned writer meant to speak 
 only of the minor canonries and prebends, I am 
 not quite certain, but if the minor canonries were 
 so carefully provided for, and worthily bestowed, 
 loho can doubt but that still greater care, and 
 more consideration of worth, should have been 
 employed, in disposing of the major canonries 
 and prebends ? 
 
 I grant that where the Clergy do reside, there 
 may undoubtedly be many private motives to 
 residence ; perhaps the private may greatly pre- 
 dominate over the public motives ; there may be 
 no small number of resident Clergy who fall 
 strictly under the description given us in the 
 Deserted Village ; 
 
 " Remote from towns he ran his godly race, 
 
 Nor e'er had chang'd, nor wish'd to change his place ; 
 Unskilful he to fawn,'' &c. &c. &o. 
 
 The whole is too long to insert; but there 
 could surely be no harm in increasing such pri- 
 vate motives, by a little extraordinary assist- 
 ance at the close of life, and giving at the same
 
 CLERGY. 93 
 
 time some publicity to the act, to obviate the too 
 common belief that non-residence prevails to a 
 much greater extent than perhaps it really does. 
 1 have said that this is too common a belief, and 
 I am rather strengthened in the opinion, by the 
 information I have obtained, that, even around 
 the spot where I am writing this book, there are 
 resident Incumbents punctually discharging their 
 duties, in (at the least,) XXIII contiguous pa- 
 rishes. There may be more, but I am well pleased 
 to learn there are actually so many as the number 
 stated ; for I should be extremely sorry to have 
 it supposed, that in any thing I say, I can have 
 the slightest intention to discourage residence ; 
 on the contrary, I wish to promote it to the ut- 
 most extent, and am well persuaded, that under 
 all possible discouragements of a worldly nature, 
 a Country Clergyman, be his local appointment 
 what it may, has many resources to render his 
 retirement pleasant and agreeable. There is in 
 the Scotch publication of the Bee, vol. xii. p. 1 7, 
 a very good paper to this effect, namely, on the 
 objects of pursuit compatible with the duties of a 
 Clergyman; which I would venture to recom- 
 mend to the attention of all Candidates for Holy 
 Orders.
 
 94 CLERGY. 
 
 But I have long been in the way of hearing 
 things imputed to the Clergy as a body, to which, 
 if I have any knowledge of history, or any com- 
 petent notion of their present proceedings and 
 situation, I cannot justly assent. Nothing, I am 
 sorry to say, is more common than to hear them 
 spoken of as notoriously selfish, covetous, rapa- 
 cious, mercenary, proud and meddling; and yet 
 perhaps there is no order of society which has 
 been robbed and defrauded (I can call it no less,) 
 of their public rights, privileges, and property. 
 I know it may be very unpopular to say such 
 things, but if I really believe them to be so, why 
 may not I avail myself of the boasted liberty of 
 the British Press, to speak well of any class of 
 my fellow subjects, and of our public institu- 
 tions, as freely as others do to speak ill of them, 
 without mercy, and without remorse? but in 
 what I have to say, I shall be very careful to 
 advance no more than what I think every honest 
 layman ought to allow, who would give himself 
 the trouble to take an impartial view of history 
 and common facts*. 
 
 * Before I proceed, I am anxious, as in former instances, to notice 
 certain objections which have been advanced to the contents of this 
 Section, since the publication of my first Edition ; not feeling mjself
 
 95 
 
 And first, allow me to ask what is become of 
 their Convocation ? I wish not to be mistaken. 
 
 under any actual necessity of expunging or retracting so much as one 
 word that I had written. In the Literary Gazette of June, 1823, this 
 Section then, is spoken of as follows : " There is an Essay upon the 
 word ' Clergy' of a grave cast, and indeed a bold vindication of that 
 learned body from the charges by which it is in our time so con- 
 stantly assailed." To this remark I have nothing more to say, than 
 to express some degree of concern that the tenor of my publication 
 should have been so little understood, as to render it apparently a 
 matter of some surprise, that any thing of a grave cast should be 
 found amongst its Sections. I have repeatedly told my readers, that 
 I meant to be grave as well as gay, if any portion of my work should 
 tempt me so to be ; but another reviewer of my book (if I may pre- 
 sume to call him so,) has almost spoken angrily upon the subject, as 
 though I were cheating the public by any attempt to beguile them 
 of a laugh. " In a publication of thit kind," says the writer, " it is 
 vexatious to be interrupted in our pleasing progress, by the inser- 
 tion of fifty-eight plodding pages on the ' Clergy;' filled with nothing 
 but the divine right of tithes, and lamentations over their long-lost con- 
 vocations, and ecclesiastical parliaments. If it was requisite to write 
 such a chapter why was it not published as a separate pamphlet ? but 
 then, to be sure, it would have been bought only by those had an in- 
 terest in the subject." Now in the last paragraph, I have no hesita- 
 tion to acknowledge, that this respectable, and in all other instances 
 indulgent reviewer, has exactly deseribed the state of my feelings, 
 and scope of my intentions. I did expressly mean to speak a word 
 for the Clergy, to those most particularly who were not of that pro- 
 fession ; to those who were not personally interested in the subject, 
 merely to bespeak a fair allowance for those who tvere, but sooner 
 than be vexatious or too intruding, I would wish those of my readers, 
 who are really afraid of fifty-eight such plodding pages, upon this
 
 96 CLERGY. 
 
 I am quite aware that to propose its revival, 
 would be very unsuitable to the temper of the 
 
 warning, to stop short here, skip the remainder, and not speak ill 
 of the Clergy, till thej feel themselves sufficiently at leisure to go to 
 the end of the Section. As to its being " filled with nothing bat the 
 divine right of tithes, and lamentations over the long-lost convoca- 
 tions" of the Clergy, &c., I cannot forbear to observe, that I have 
 entirely abstained from so much as hinting at the divine right of 
 tithes ; on the contrary, I have been quite satisfied with establishing 
 the civil, legal right of the Clergy to tithes, as property ; from the 
 period at least of the Reformation, when the laity was permitted, cer- 
 tainly without any divine right, to take so large a share of the Church 
 revenues. It will be time enough to write abont the divine right, 
 when the alienated property, now held by a very different right, 
 comes to be reclaimed, which I think is little likely to happen under 
 our Protestant establishment. If the Catholics indeed were to come 
 into power again, there is no knowing what might happen ; they are 
 certainly the most original and direct claimants to certain of our im- 
 propriations. As to my " lamentations over the long-lost convocations 
 and Ecclesiastical Parliaments," I protest I was not sensible of any 
 such feeling, when I first wrote what I now venture to repeat upon 
 the subject, in this Section of my work. I undertake in my book to 
 treat of certain anomalies; I call them " Heraldic Anomalies," mean- 
 ing thereby to include any irregularities appertaining not merely to 
 the rights, titles, privileges, &c. of individuals, but of different 
 classes, ranks, and orders of persons ; and I consider that there are 
 many things perfectly anomalous in the present state of the Clergy ; 
 things so little thought of, understood, or even known as matters of 
 history, that I felt almost called upon to notice them, not in the way 
 of lamentation, but on the mere ground of justice and equity, that the 
 public, or a portion at least of the public, might know, through me, 
 that the Clergy of the present day, so far from deserving generally to
 
 CLERGY. 97 
 
 times ; but it seems to me that they have been 
 strangely juggled out of it, and are wonderfully 
 patient under the trick that has been played 
 them. As far as my own experience goes, 
 scarcely one person in a thousand, nay in ten 
 thousand, seems to know any thing about it. 
 Who would ever think, without being told it, 
 that there once was, almost if not entirely as 
 regular an Ecclesiastical Parliament, as a civil or 
 temporal one ? That there was not only a body 
 of Spiritual Lords, but of Spiritual COMMONS, 
 so called in the very rolls of Parliament, and 
 summoned to attend upon the King in Parlia- 
 
 be looked upon and regarded as an assuming, busy, restless body of 
 men, seeking to obtain more than belongs to them by the law and 
 constitution, have, greater reason to complain of having been tres- 
 passed upon, to the manifest loss of many important privileges, and 
 an almost total exclusion from some of the common rights of English- 
 men ; which losses and disadvantages, however, so far from resenting 
 or reclaiming to the disturbance of the community, they have hitherto 
 borne so patiently and quietly, as not only to exonerate them in all fair- 
 ness from the imputations alluded to, but to entitle them, in my hum- 
 ble opinion, rather to the respect and veneration of all candid and con- 
 siderate persons. This is the object I had in view from the beginning ; 
 and if I seem by my expressions to lament any thing, it certainly is 
 not that the Clergy are now less busy than they used to be, but that 
 they have not due credit given them for being so quiet and forbear- 
 ing as they are, under losses and deprivations, little likely, without 
 some distinct notice of them, to be taken into due consideration. 
 
 VOL. II. H
 
 98 CLERGT. 
 
 ment (ad ipsum Parliamentum vocatos) by concur- 
 rent writs, and with equal privileges ? their per- 
 sons being secured from arrest, and protections 
 extended even to their servants? Nay, who 
 would think or believe that the law seems to be 
 the same at this moment ? for though the Con- 
 vocation never sits, it is always convened afresh 
 on every dissolution of Parliament, and certain 
 forms observed, which tend to confirm and esta- 
 blish all that I have stated. Writs are directed 
 to the two Archbishops to summon the Clergy* 
 and to form a lower house, by summons of the 
 Deans and Archdeacons, who are ex officio mem- 
 bers, and by issuing precepts to the Clergy of 
 every Archdeaconry, and to every Chapter to 
 elect their representatives or Proctors. Returns 
 are regularly made to these writs and precepts, 
 and on some day, closely connected with the 
 meeting of every new Parliament, both houses 
 of Convocation assemble ; the lower house ap- 
 points its Speaker or Prolocutor, after which 
 they jointly attend his Majesty, who receives 
 them on his throne, and to whom, as formally 
 as the lower house of Parliament presents its 
 Speaker, is the new-elected Prolocutor of the 
 lower house of Convocation duly presented and
 
 CLERGY. 99 
 
 introduced. But here, according to the present 
 course of proceedings, this solemn farce ends. 
 The question is, whether it be terminated pro- 
 perly or not? Why is the lower house ho longer 
 permitted to become, as to this day it may be 
 said to have a right to become, (if the King see 
 fit,) an active, deliberate assembly? I confess 
 it appears to me, from the best enquiries I can 
 make, that there is something very irregular and 
 strange in these proceedings ; for on the return 
 of the two houses from the foot of the throne, 
 the Archbishop of Canterbury adjourns both 
 houses sine die. The Prolocutor, the Deans and 
 Archdeacons, and all the representatives of the 
 Clergy and Chapters, are sent home, while the 
 Archbishop himself, and Bishops take their 
 seats as Legislators in the upper house of Parlia- 
 ment, in a totally different character, not as 
 members of Convocation, not as representing the 
 Clergy in any manner whatsoever, but in virtue 
 of their Baronies, Sec. the lower house being 
 rendered mute and inactive, by a kind of septen- 
 nial prorogation, and the whole of the Clergy 
 still more rudely shut out from the House of 
 Commons, by a decree apparently more arbi- 
 trary and irrevocable than that which at present 
 H 2
 
 100 CLERGY. 
 
 excludes the Roman Catholics, Jews, Turks, in- 
 fidels and heretics ! and this in times, when by 
 the mode of election of the House of Commons, 
 every other profession or calling may fairly be said 
 to have their representatives, the Army, the 
 Navy, the Law, the agricultural, trading, com- 
 mercial and manufacturing classes ? Nay the 
 dissenters in general, as many recent Acts of 
 Parliament may serve to prove ? The Clergy 
 besides not only being thus roughly excluded, 
 but having no chance of admission ; not even by 
 laying aside their sacerdotal character, whatever 
 ill success they may have as ecclesiastics. I 
 know it may be said, the Clergy have brought 
 these things on themselves, but not without a 
 gross departure from the Constitution, which 
 perhaps they have reason enough to repent. I 
 hope I shall not be troublesome to all readers, 
 to some I must be ; for though it be a regular 
 national topic, quite connected with rights and 
 privileges, honors and dignities, I am well aware 
 it is a part of my work which cannot be rendered 
 amusing. But I will be as brief as possible, 
 and skip as much as I can, consistently with 
 what I conceive to be the true historical account 
 of matters. Formerly all attendance upon Par-
 
 CLERGY. 101 
 
 liament was burthensome. The expences of 
 those who did attend fell upon their constitu- 
 ents, and the members, lay and spiritual, were 
 generally called together, merely to grant sub- 
 sidies to the King, which could not very well 
 be evaded. The writs regularly went out to the 
 Sheriffs and Archdeacons ; but some boroughs 
 and some archdeaconries, to avoid the expence, 
 were silently passed over, in the returns, being 
 nevertheless liable to pay their proportion, as 
 should be agreed upon by the attendant represen- 
 tatives of wealthier towns and archdeaconries, 
 which might very easily be adj usted, the subsidies 
 being in the form of a fifth, tenth, or fifteenth of 
 their moveables, according to an established rate. 
 The Clergy being constitutionally at this time, 
 exempted from all lay exactions, taxed them- 
 selves. Their consent in Convocation to the sub- 
 sidies required, was therefore indispensably ne- 
 cessary, and so things seem to have continued 
 till the middle of the XVIIth century ; when 
 the Clergy, by an odd piece of management, 
 were led to adopt the expedient of contributing 
 to the public revenue in another way ; namely, 
 by voting for their benefices as freeholds in the 
 election of Knights of the Shire, and thereby 
 including themselves for all purposes of public
 
 CLERGY. 
 
 taxation, in the number of constituents repre- 
 sented by the lay members of the House of Com- 
 mons. And thus the case stands at present; 
 though as a sensible writer on the French Revo- 
 lution, 1792, has observed, " the final renuncia- 
 tion of the Clergy to the important right of tax- 
 ing themselves in Convocation, and their accept- 
 ance in its stead of the right of voting for Knights 
 of the Shire, was adjusted so very silently in- 
 deed after the restoration, that some have doubt- 
 ed whether it ever received the express sanction 
 of the legislature." For my own part, I very 
 much question if it ever did. 
 
 But whenever they renounced this right of 
 taxing themselves in Convocation, (it is com- 
 monly referred I believe to the year 1663) they 
 renounced no other rights or privileges apper- 
 taining to their ecclesiastical Synods. Had the 
 change that then took place, affected the Con- 
 vocation generally, it would no longer have 
 been summoned in the way it now is. The re- 
 nunciation in question, however, has certainly 
 considerably altered the situation of the inferior 
 Clergy. As to ecclesiastical concerns, they 
 clearly remain without any active representa- 
 tives whatsoever. The representatives they do 
 appoint scarcely serve to remind them of their 

 
 CLERGY. 103 
 
 dormant privileges, while their interference with 
 Parliament is always regarded with a jealous 
 eye. Taxation must be dependent on the policy 
 of the Government, yet how often are the Clergy 
 told they have nothing to do with Politics. As 
 long as they contribute to the public taxes as 
 county freeholders, and through lay representa- 
 tives in Parliament, they have constitutionally 
 as much to do with politics, as any lay constitu- 
 ents of that representative body. If however 
 their interference in this way be pronounced to 
 be unconstitutional, let them revert to their old 
 mode of taxing themselves ; but it is surely unfair, 
 to stop their mouths in Convocation and Parlia- 
 ment also. They -must not be members of the 
 latter, they are no longer allowed to act or deli- 
 berate in the former, their lay representatives 
 are expected to give away their money without 
 their interposition, and their ecclesiastical re- 
 presentatives are debarred from helping them, 
 through the adjournment of their assembly by 
 the Archbishop; a right which, though it cer- 
 tainly might appertain to him when there was 
 only one house, has become surely very ques- 
 tionable since the London Convocation sepa- 
 rated into two, an upper and a lower house. This
 
 104 CLERGY. 
 
 however would be more evident if the Clergy 
 had not formerly chosen rather to be summoned 
 as a Provincial Synod by the Archbishop than as a 
 Parliamentary Convocation by the King. Hence 
 I apprehend is deduced the Archiepiscopal au- 
 thority over both houses. But as this happened 
 in the times of Popery, and it rests with the 
 King to dissolve the Convocation, the Arch- 
 bishop's power over both houses, seems to be un- 
 warranted. Tn the Province of York, the Convo- 
 cation still forms only one house. 
 
 Now though I do not wish to see the Clergy 
 too busy about worldly and temporal concerns, 
 yet to be so silenced as they really are, and so 
 excluded from taking either directly or indirectly, 
 any active part in our national Assemblies, seems 
 hard upon them, and ought at least to save 
 them from the too common reproach of meddling 
 with things that do not belong to them, when 
 they occasionally express their opinions upon 
 political affairs. I do not mean in their pulpits, 
 this is a different case ; but in public meetings, 
 where their attendance is generally met by some 
 pretty rude discouragement. It is this rudeness 
 only that I seek to correct, without the smallest 
 desire of adding to the number of the Clergy
 
 CLERGY. 105 
 
 that may at any time attend such assemblies. 
 I myself think they had always better be quiet, 
 upon occasions where they are sure to be out- 
 numbered by the laity, and not received as a 
 part of t/ieir body ; though upon all questions 
 of taxation, or policy connected with taxation, I 
 think they might very properly claim to be upon 
 the same footing, as not then precisely acting in 
 their ecclesiastical character. They would have 
 authority for this of very ancient date, for the 
 cases are nearly similar. When Archbishop 
 Becket, in Henry the Second's reign, anno 1165, 
 was to be condemned, it became a question be- 
 tween the Bishops and the temporal Lords, which 
 should pronounce the sentence, the temporal 
 Lords insisting that it devolved upon the Bi- 
 shops, as his fellow Priests and Bishops. But 
 one of the Bishops stoutly objected to this, upon 
 the ground that they were not Bishops in that 
 assembly, but Barons " non sedemus hie Episcopi 
 sed Barones. Nos Barones, et vos Barones pares 
 hie Sumus." And so might the Clergy say, 
 when as county freeholders they attend to discuss 
 any political question. " We do not attend 
 here as ecclesiastics, but as lay-men. We lay-men 
 and you lay-men, we taxed and you taxed." There
 
 106 CLERGY. 
 
 is indeed I believe some doubt whether Bishops 
 do not sit in the House of Peers, as Bishops as 
 well as Barons, because some of the most mo- 
 dern Sees are held to have no Baronies attached 
 to them, as Oxford, Bristol, Gloucester, Peter- 
 borough, and Chester, and in former times, ac- 
 cording to Spelman, cited by Hume, Bishops 
 elect appear to have sat in Parliament before the 
 King had made restitution of their temporalities, 
 and even Guardians of the Spiritualities during a 
 vacancy to have been specially summoned to at- 
 tend. But whether this be so or not, they cer- 
 tainly do not sit there as representatives of 
 the Clergy. They may undoubtedly be ser- 
 viceable to the Clergy in general, by having a 
 voice in the Upper House, but as for carrying 
 any point purely ecclesiastical, what are twenty- 
 six votes, (or at the utmost, thirty for England 
 and Ireland,) to three hundred and ten or more ? 
 The House of Lords itself is not a representative 
 body ; the Clergy have other representatives ; 
 and this brings us in the present state of things, 
 to another anomaly, which I can never resolve, 
 in regard to the conduct of the Clergy. We often 
 hear of petitions presented to the House of Com- 
 mons from Chapters and different bodies of the
 
 CLERGY. 107 
 
 Clergy, uot merely upon points of foreign or do- 
 mestic policy, but in cases affecting the Church 
 or the established religion. How then is this ? In 
 these cases the legal and elected representatives of 
 the Clergy are wholly passed by, and the consti- 
 tuents of those representatives condescend to be- 
 come suitors to a House of Commons, from which 
 they are not only personally excluded, but while 
 they have or ought to have a House of Commons 
 of their own. Surely it would be at least more 
 dignified to petition the King at once, through 
 their representatives in Convocation, and if there 
 were any extraordinary difficulty in the case, tack 
 to that petition, an humble address, to be per- 
 mitted to hold a sitting. For that the KING 
 could still at any time call the Convocation into 
 action, seems to be allowed by all. I hope our 
 Bishops would not object ; though upon looking 
 into books, I have been led to suspect that the 
 lower house of Convocation, has never been any 
 great favourite with the Episcopal Bench. It is 
 odd enough, but certainly fact, that when the 
 Convocation was an efficient body, the Latin 
 Sermon preached at St. Paul's, before the two 
 houses there assembled, was very commonly pretty 
 severe upon the Bishops for neglect of their epis-
 
 108 CLERGY. 
 
 copal duties, and there are sermons of this kind 
 extant, preached by persons, who afterwards 
 were advanced to the Bench themselves, parti- 
 cularly Bishop Andrewes. It seems to have been 
 through some neglect or studied exclusion of 
 the inferior Clergy, that even in the Rolls of 
 Parliament, after the reign of Henry VII. the 
 Bishops are mentioned as one of the three estates 
 of the realm, " though in reality," (says Hody) 
 " the three estates of the realm are the Clergy, 
 Lords and Commons." 
 
 Many doubts and difficulties, I must grant, 
 have been raised, as to the real and proper cha- 
 racter of the Convocation, and how far it may 
 have been considered as having ever borne so 
 near an affinity to the lay Parliament of the 
 kingdom, as has been just represented. These 
 things belong to antiquaries, but unquestion- 
 ably it is so far a lost part of our Constitution, 
 that having formerly been called into action by 
 the King, (not indeed invariably, but generally) 
 concurrently with the lay Parliament, " to treat 
 upon arduous and weighty affairs," as well as 
 to grant subsidies, it is no longer permitted to 
 discuss any such business, whether it regard the 
 Church or the State, though all the forms of
 
 CLERGY. 
 
 summoning and assembling it are kept; more 
 regularly indeed in regard to the assembling and 
 dissolution of our Parliaments, than was the 
 case in times past. Nor do I find that those 
 who most dispute its strict parliamentary cha- 
 racter, are at all disposed to deny " that if 
 the exigencies of the Church call for a Convo- 
 cation, the Church has a right to its sitting." 
 King William, in a message to the Convocation 
 in 1689, declares that he summoned them, " not 
 only because it was usual to do so upon holding 
 a Parliament, but out of a pious zeal to do every 
 thing that might tend to the best establishment 
 of the Church of England, which is so eminent 
 a part of the Reformation, and is certainly best 
 suited to the Constitution of the Government." A 
 curious concession for a Presbyterian by educa- 
 tion. Indeed, if we look to every other denomi- 
 nation of Christians, we shall I think find that 
 they all have such meetings for promoting the 
 interests of their respective sects ; Presbyte- 
 rians, Independents, Anabaptists, Methodists of both 
 classes, Quakers, Unitarians, all have their se- 
 veral conventions, in which they have opportuni- 
 ties afforded them, of taking such measures for 
 the advancement of their own concerns, as must
 
 CLERGY. 
 
 necessarily affect the interests of the established 
 Church more or less, and which has no doubt a 
 bad effect, as long as the Clergy do not assemble 
 for such purposes, inasmuch as it must needs 
 bespeak more zeal and energy, and greater soli- 
 citude for the advancement and security of their 
 different societies. 
 
 I know the last time the Convocation met to 
 transact business, it fell into discredit from the 
 intemperance of its proceedings ; this was about 
 the year 1717, in the midst of the Bangorian 
 Controversy. I hope if it were again to be re- 
 stored to its proper functions, we should find a 
 great change in the temper and manners of the 
 present Clergy ; but with its meeting or not 
 meeting to transact business, I have nothing to 
 do. I shall only say, that if it ever should take 
 place, I trust the members of it will have the 
 prudence to conduct themselves properly ; in a 
 dignified and moderate manner, that is, and as much 
 as possible confine themselves to what especially 
 concerns their own order, their duties, and their 
 charges. I am persuaded they would not any 
 longer wish for the power of burning priests and 
 schismatics, as was formerly the case ; but there 
 are questions that might well be brought before
 
 CLERGY. Ill 
 
 them, discussed and deliberated upon, for the 
 benefit of the Church; at least, we might rea- 
 sonably hope so, considering how much is done 
 against them in the proceedings of those who are 
 opposed to the Church, namely, the whole body 
 of Dissenters. 
 
 I have gone much further into this part of my 
 subject than I intended, rinding it to be, not 
 only a subject little understood in general, but 
 to all appearance never thoroughly understood 
 by any body ; some of our most learned and 
 gravest writers having taken totally different 
 views of it. But of this I feel quite certain, that 
 the loss of the Convocation, is to the bulk of the 
 Clergy, a loss of privilege and consequence, not 
 compensated by what has been given them in- 
 stead, especially since the world seems disposed 
 not only to exclude them from the recovery of 
 their former rights, but to view with a more ma- 
 lignant and invidious eye every day, their exer- 
 cise of those privileges, to which upon ceasing 
 to tax themselves, they are by every rule of right 
 and equity most justly entitled. 
 
 In Collier's Ecclesiastical History, it is 
 stated that the change took place by the contriv- 
 ance of Archlmhop Sheldon, the Lord Chancellor
 
 112 CLERGY. 
 
 Hyde, and others, about the year 1663, or 1664, 
 by whom it " was concluded," says the his- 
 torian, that " the Clergy should silently wave 
 the custom of taxing their own body, and suffer 
 themselves to be included in the Money Bills, 
 prepared by the Commons." The Clergy in ge- 
 neral seem to have done this quite as silently as 
 the Archbishop, the Chancellor, the Prelates, or 
 the Lord Treasurer (for he had a hand in it) could 
 have wished ; so that in March, 1664, the Com- 
 mons passed a Money Bill which included the 
 Clergy. The historian's own reflections on the 
 change is as follows. 
 
 " That the Clergy were gainers by this change 
 is more than appears ; were they allowed to 
 elect some of their function to represent them 
 in the House of Commons, the quitting their 
 ancient right would be more intelligible; but 
 such a choice will not pass the Committee of 
 Elections. The consenting therefore to be taxed 
 by the temporal Commons, makes the Clergy 
 more dependent on a foreign body, takes away 
 the right of disposing of their own money, and 
 lays their estates in some measure at their dis- 
 cretion ; and being in no condition to give sub- 
 sidies, and present the crown, 'tis well if their
 
 CLERGY. 113 
 
 i-onvocation meetings are not sometimes discontinued, 
 if they do not sink in their significancy, lie by for 
 want of a royal licence, and grow less regarded 
 when their grievances are offered. And here I 
 cannot forbear saying, that having the liberty of 
 polling for Parliament men, seems short of an 
 equivalent for the privileges resigned. However 
 the reader may see there is an express clause 
 in the act for reserving their right and returning 
 them to their former circumstances." Vol. II. 
 p. 893. 
 
 In endeavouring to rescue so large a body as 
 the Clergy of England from the unmerited re- 
 proach of being rapacious, worldly-minded, &c. 
 &c. It is certainly within the scope of this book 
 to shew what they have surrendered of their 
 rights and privileges, with a quietness and for* 
 bearance, very inconsistent with the spirit and 
 temper so commonly imputed to them. What 
 has been said of their lost or dormant privileges, 
 may be applied also to their property in tithes, 
 &c. as I shall presently shew, for in speaking of 
 the Clergy, I wish to be understood of speaking 
 chiefly of the inferior Clergy, and among those, 
 of such who do the duty of the parishes assigned 
 to them ; these are the people who suffer most 
 
 VOL. II. I
 
 114 CLERGY. 
 
 from the general imputations cast on their pro- 
 fession, because they suffer undeservedly. 
 
 The Clergy have undoubtedly lost some im- 
 portance from the gradual depreciation of the 
 penalty and reproach of excommunication. As 
 things stand at present, it would appear to be a 
 much more odious attempt to keep men forcibly 
 within the pale of the established Church, than 
 to expel them from it. And yet when men quit the 
 established Church, what is it they go after ? a 
 more sure word of truth, no doubt ; a more certain 
 way to the gate of heaven ! If any Churchman 
 then would wish to see what a wild-goose chace 
 this must be, I would advise him just to be at the 
 pains of reading through one of those little books 
 called " a View of Religions," or " Alphabeti- 
 cal Compendium of the several Denominations 
 among Christians," and if he be not strongly 
 impressed with the amount of the fundamental 
 differences, and discordancies prevailing amongst 
 the Dissenters themselves, and of the common 
 prudence therefore of adhering to the faith of his 
 forefathers, I should certainly be disposed to set 
 no great value on his judgment. 
 
 As to the property of the Clergy in tithes, I shall 
 leave it as it stands, and certainly neither go into
 
 CLERGY. 115 
 
 its history, nor attempt to suggest any specific 
 commutation, though I heartily wish, for the 
 sake of all parties, it could be put upon a better 
 footing. But property as far as regards the great 
 tithes, it Certainly is, whether in the hands of the 
 Clergy or the laity ; the large proportion of it, 
 which is now in the hands of the latter, renders 
 it so to all intents and purposes. It is un- 
 doubtedly property of a particular nature, as not 
 being generally transmissible or alienable by 
 the persons entitled to it, or possessed of it ; 
 but this regards the Clergy only. In the hands 
 of the lay impropriator, it is both alienable and 
 transmissible. Here then we are to look for its 
 character as property ; nay the case was settled 
 by the Statute 32 Henry VIII. the public, on 
 the alienation of the tithes, having withh olden 
 them from the laity, arguing, as Fuller tells us, 
 that " it seemed unreasonable that they should 
 receive wages who did no work, and that the 
 hire of labourers in the vineyard should be given 
 to lazy lookers on." But such arguments were 
 soon overruled by the Statute I have mentioned, 
 and the payment of tithes to the laity enforced. 
 " This Statute," says an able ecclesiastical his- 
 torian, " though made in favor of lay impro- 
 i2
 
 116 CLERGY. 
 
 priators, was serviceable to the Clergy ; for 
 though the benefit of the Church was not prin- 
 cipally in view, the concurrence of interest, and 
 the parity of the case, made it applicable ; that is, 
 made it property in the one case as well as in the 
 other. But it is going too far to say it is not 
 alienable even in clerical hands ; our Archbi- 
 shops have sold or surrendered Church property 
 to the Crown ; and in cases of alienation of pa- 
 rochial tithes, the Rector's consent, has been 
 asked. If the Clergy have no property in their 
 tithes, the compositions they have made in time 
 past, should not be valid against their succes- 
 sors ; we ought to surrender the moduses by 
 which in so many places the value of parochial 
 tithes has been lessened, through the negligence 
 or consent of former incumbents. If it were not 
 property, what right could they have had to alter 
 or even fix its value so much to the loss of those 
 who were to come after ? A writer in the Morn- 
 ing Chronicle has lately endeavoured to shew 
 that tithes are not property ; but in the year 
 1802, Mr. Wm. Cobbett discussed this question, 
 and as he is generally particularly clear and 
 pointed in his arguments and opinions, I shall 
 quote what he has said upon the subject.
 
 CLERGY. 117 
 
 '* The Clergy are not paid by the people any 
 more than the landholders are ; the tithes are as 
 much their property as the rent is the property 
 of the landlord ; the title of the former can no 
 more be destroyed than the title of the latter ; 
 and why the Clergyman should receive as pay 
 what the landlord demands as his own, we can- 
 not perceive. A man who should attempt to 
 defraud his landlord, would be deemed, and 
 justly deemed, a cheat ; yet we see no loss of 
 character attached to him who is in the constant 
 
 habit of defrauding his Rector or Vicar. The 
 
 tithes do not belong to the husbandman, they 
 never can be called his. The Clergyman claims 
 them as his right', unfettered with any conditions 
 whatever, other than those which he enters into 
 with God and the King. It has been the fashion 
 of late years to talk of abolishing tithes ; those 
 who have lands would do well to consider how 
 they would relish the abolishing of rents, for 
 they may rest assured that the latter will never 
 be far behind the former. Those who would 
 make a law for abolishing tithes, would probably 
 not wish to make another for abolishing rents, 
 but they would very soon find a set of legislators 
 to do it for them."
 
 118 CLERGY. 
 
 So far Mr. Cobbett in his usual perspicuous, 
 clear and forcible manner ; it will not be inap- 
 plicable to shew how the property of the Clergy 
 has been dealt with in times past, by a set of 
 legislators, who seem to have pretty well known 
 what they were about. I take it from a very 
 modern work, Mr. Nicholls's Recollections and 
 Reflections ; 1822. After observing that the 
 House of Commons, however compliant with the 
 other wishes of Henry VIII. would not grant 
 him the people's money; " I know it may be 
 said," adds Mr. Nicholls, " that the House of 
 Commons consented to let him confiscate the 
 property of the Convents ; but that property was 
 not under their protection. They permitted Queen 
 Mary to re-establish the Roman Catholic Reli- 
 gion ; but when she asked them to consent that 
 the confiscated property of the Convents should 
 be restored, they refused it ; for that property 
 was then become the property of laymen, and was 
 under their protection." Now though I am not 
 sorry for the Monks in a political point of view, 
 if any of them had turned round upon Queen 
 Mary's House of Commons, and said, " then 
 you are not ashamed of being the avowed re- 
 ceivers of stolen goods," I could scarcely have 
 found in my heart to have blamed them.
 
 CLERGY. 119 
 
 The vicarial tithes may certainly appear more 
 in the shape of a stipendiary payment for eccle- 
 siastical services performed, and ecclesiastical 
 duties discharged, but the great tithes, appro- 
 priated, or unappropriated, are distinct pro- 
 perty ; and being such, it is a very simple ques- 
 tion, whether to the public, it is better that they 
 should be in the hands of some parish incum- 
 bent, or lay impropriator ; for it is the true pa- 
 rish minister, whose character I am endeavour- 
 ing to uphold, not for his own sake only, but for 
 the sake of all. 
 
 I shall certainly not attempt to go into par- 
 ticulars, or dwell upon things actually passing 
 at this time, but I shall cite from an old book of 
 considerable reputation, some particulars which 
 must, under all circumstances whatsoever, tend 
 to shew, that let a Clergyman be ever so rapa- 
 cious, tithe-holders have not only always been 
 more than a match for them, but always must 
 be in the nature of things. In his address to the 
 Clergy he writes thus : 
 
 " The greatest part of this little book consists 
 of directions in law, relating to Church affairs. 
 I wish there had not been occasion for me to 
 be so large in these matters; but one of the
 
 120 CLERGY. 
 
 greatest temporal difficulties, that belongs to the 
 profession, is, that you are under such a multi- 
 tude and variety of laws and rules, and those of 
 a different sort, ecclesiastical and civil, which 
 do often interfere and clash with one another ; 
 insomuch that the most learned lawyers in many 
 cases, are not agreed, as to the rights and du- 
 ties of Churchmen, and you will find by several 
 instances, in the following papers, that what has 
 sometimes been pronounced to be law, has at 
 other times been denied to be so. 
 
 " Your office and tenure is limited and re- 
 strained by so many conditions and qualifica- 
 tions, that a gentleman may more easily settle 
 himself in a post of the greatest honor and profit 
 in the State, than a Clergyman can get a legal 
 title to a vicarage or two of 30/. per annum in 
 the Church. 
 
 " And when you are, according to all the 
 punctilios of the law and canon, possessed of a 
 maintenance, yet you daily find occasion to 
 exercise your patience in submitting to the im- 
 positions of others ; or to shew your prudence 
 and courage in defending your own and the 
 Church's rights. For I think it may be justly 
 said, that no order of men in this, or any other
 
 CLERGY. 121 
 
 nation, are under so fatal necessity of disputing 
 their rights, or being abused as you are ; espe- 
 cially Vicars and Rectors of parochial Churches. 
 " I am sensible, that too many, without cause, 
 have charged the Clergy in general with such 
 crimes, which as they are odious in all, so espe- 
 cially in those of your profession, I mean liti- 
 giousness and rigour in demanding their dues : 
 nor is it the Clergy of this age, but those of the 
 ages past, that have lain under this imputation ; 
 which plainly demonstrates the falsity of it: for 
 there are not many benefices which are not con- 
 siderably lessened by the want of care and ex- 
 actness in those who have formerly enjoyed 
 them ; and there may upon occasion be great 
 numbers of instances produced, of livings, which 
 in former ages had all tithes paid in kind ; and 
 which, if they were now so to be paid, would be 
 worth several hundreds by the year ; which since 
 that by reason of compositions made between 
 the incumbents and parishioners, and in tract of 
 time turned into unalterable customs and pre- 
 scriptions, are reduced to so small a value, that 
 they will scarce afford a maintenance to a single 
 man. For, granting that in some parishes there 
 were from the beginning, some modus agreed
 
 122 CLERGY. 
 
 to be paid in lieu of tithes, yet it is certain and 
 demonstrable, that in very many, not to say 
 most parishes, these prescriptions and customs 
 grew from voluntary agreement; and yet in 
 these very parishes, if the incumbent be strict 
 in demanding his modus, though perhaps it is 
 but a groat or two-pence, where two or three 
 shillings were originally his due, both he and 
 his order shall be exclaimed against, for extor- 
 tion and oppression; when yet if the former 
 incumbents were such extreme exactors of their 
 rights, as some would have them thought, these 
 customs and prescriptions could never have 
 prevailed. 
 
 " But farther, the Nobleman and Gentleman 
 often receives thousands by the year from fewer 
 hands than the Vicar his three or four score. I 
 know some places where a less sum than this is 
 paid to the Vicar by near 200, I may say 500 
 several persons ; among so many 'twere strange 
 if there were not some troublesome and injurious : 
 and if there be one such in a parish, the Vicar 
 must have to do with him. He cannot chuse his 
 dealers as others do, but must accept them for 
 his paymasters, whom the landlord takes for his 
 tenants : and there is many a one who is awed
 
 CLERGY. 123 
 
 into honesty by the greatness and riches of a 
 landlord, who yet knows himself to be more 
 than a match at law for his poor Vicar, and uses 
 him accordingly." 
 
 Now if this did not appear to be fair and true 
 in all its circumstances, I would not admit it 
 into my book in favor of the Clergy, or any other 
 persons ; but the case is so strong, that I think 
 it might work upon the minds even of farmers 
 themselves. In regard to the last paragraph, I 
 have a fact to relate which I believe to be entirely 
 true. In the West of England, not many years 
 ago, an association was formed, to prepare a 
 petition to Parliament for the abolition or com- 
 mutation of tithes ; many meetings were held, 
 much discussion took place, and a large number 
 of persons constantly attended, to offer advice 
 and supply information upon all points con- 
 nected with the subject, and in support and en- 
 couragement of the petition. At length, to the 
 confusion of the whole party, a rough country 
 farmer, with a Stentorian voice, begged to ax 
 one question. " Pray," says he, " Gentlemen, 
 if the tithes be taken from the Clargy, whose will 
 they be?" and being answered, the landlord's, 
 " then," says he, " I had rather they'd bide, as
 
 124 CLERGY. 
 
 they be, for I can manage the parson at any 
 time, but the landlord will be too much for me." 
 It is reported, that this had such an effect, as to 
 put an entire stop to the proposed petition, and 
 an end to the association. Instead therefore of 
 abusing the Clergy, who generally speaking, and 
 all tilings considered, are quite incapable of taking 
 more than their due in law, people would do 
 well to consider, what would be the state of the 
 property, if it were to change hands. I do not 
 mean to insinuate any thing against landlords, 
 but there is no doubt that if the property now 
 in the hands of the parochial Clergy were to 
 revert to them, they would have more power of 
 turning it to advantage than the present posses- 
 sors very much has already passed into lay 
 hands, and to say the least, it seems to be en- 
 joyed with far less trouble and vexation, than 
 what remains to the Clergy. I know not whe- 
 ther these lay possessors of Church property 
 are aware, that they have the mark of robbery 
 stamped upon them ; but as I am writing about 
 titles, I may as well observe to them, (for I have 
 it from high authority, even Sir Henry Spelman 
 and Blackstone,) that the very term " Lay Impro- 
 priator" is meant to express neither more nor
 
 CLERGY. 125 
 
 less than " Improper Proprietor." " Parson" 
 says the author of the Clergyman's Vade Mecum, 
 " was once a name of honor ; but the proper 
 owners are not so fond of it, since men of other 
 professions have usurped it, and a very great 
 part of the revenue that belonged to it." 
 
 " My Lords and Masters," (said old Latimer 
 upon this subject in one of his discourses) " all 
 such proceedings, as far as I can perceive, do 
 intend plainly to make the yeomanry slavery, 
 and the Clergy shavery; we of the Clergy had 
 too much, but this is taken away, and now we 
 have too little." 
 
 Another writer or preacher on the same sub- 
 ject, as fond of " quips, quirks, puns, punnets, and 
 pundignons, as Fuller the worthy," to apply Mr. 
 Southey's words, remarked, " there are three 
 Pees in a line of relation Patrons, Priests, People. 
 Two of these Pees are made lean to make one P 
 fat. Priests have lean livings, People lean souls, 
 to make Patrons have fat purses." 
 
 " The Rob-altar is a huge drinker, he loves 
 like Belshazzar to drink only in the goblets of 
 the Temple. Woe unto him ; he carouses the 
 wine he never sweat for, and keeps the poor mi- 
 nistry thirsty. The tenth sheep is his diet: the
 
 126 CLERGY. 
 
 tenth fleece, (O 'tis a golden fleece, he thinks) is 
 his drink : but the wool shall choke him. Some 
 drink down whole Churches and steeples, but 
 the bells shall ring in their bellies." So much 
 for np and m-propriations. 
 
 The parochial Clergy have another claim to 
 be discharged from the imputation of worldly- 
 mindedness, inasmuch as they are often found to 
 be destitute in the highest degree of worldly 
 craft and cunning, especially if they are at all 
 bookish, as it is called, and which of course they 
 are expected to be. " It seems," says the cele- 
 brated Marquis d'Argens, " that as if to mortify 
 the pride of philosophy, heaven permitted some 
 of the most wise amongst men, to exhibit the 
 strongest traits of weakness and folly ;" and he 
 cites a line from Moliere, to the following effect ; 
 " Qu'un sot savant, est sot, plus qu'un sot igno- 
 rant." " No man," he adds, " had more learn- 
 ing than Cardan, and yet never was there a. greater 
 fool," and he instances in many particulars. 
 Now this may certainly be said of many of our 
 inferior Clergy. If they are learned, it is fifty to 
 one that in other respects they are fools ; or if 
 they be great geniuses, somewhat mad; according 
 to Seneca, who attributes the thought indeed to
 
 CLERGY. 127 
 
 Aristotle ; " Nullum magnum ingenium sine 
 mixtura dementise." " Unthought of frailties 
 cheat us in the wise *." 
 
 An author already cited says of them, " their 
 education is such, that there is generally nothing 
 they know less of than law " but they know 
 little enough of many other things conducive to 
 their interests, which may be one reason, why 
 they seldom die rich, or leave much patrimony 
 behind them. Still the learning of such persons 
 is creditable to them, as a very old writer re- 
 marks. " I confesse indeed," says he, " their 
 contemplations farre exceed the worldly man's, 
 for his are to earth confined ; or the voluptuous 
 
 * " It is even so," says a writer in the Bee, already quoted. 
 " For who could suppose that the following pictures proceeded not 
 from the pencil of malignity but of truth ? Locke was fond of ro- 
 mances ; Newton gave implicit credit to the dreams of judicial astro- 
 logy ; Dr. Clarke valued himself more on his agility than on his learn- 
 ing ; Pope was a perfect Epicure ; Queen Elizabeth a coquette ; and 
 Bacon stooped so low as to accept a bribe ! Marlborough, on the eve 
 of one of his most splendid victories, was heard to chide his servant 
 for lighting four candles in his tent, where he was to hold a confer- 
 ence with Prince Eugene ; Luther boxed the ears of Melancthon, 
 and Melancthon himself was a believer in dreams. Cardinal Riche- 
 lieu and Mazarin, employed Morin the Astrologer to calculate their 
 nativities. Dryden also was a believer in astrology ; and Hobbes had 
 a terror of goblins and spirits."
 
 128 CLERGY. 
 
 man's, for his are to pleasures chained ; or the 
 ambitious, for his are to honours gaged ; or the de- 
 luded Alchumist, for his are to impossible hopes 
 restrained ; yet as profit and pleasure make the 
 sweetest musicke, so contemplation joined with 
 practice make the fruitfullest knowledge." But 
 their contemplations and learning, unless they 
 have been in the way of tuition in great families, 
 are too often impediments in the way of their 
 advancement, rather than helps. .nr/ 
 
 " Qui Pelago credit, magno se foenore tollit ; 
 Qui pugnas et castra petit, praecingitur auro ; 
 Vilis adulator picto jacet ebrius ostro ; 
 Sola pruinosis horret facundia pannis ;" 
 
 which lines of Petronius, I find thus rendered by 
 an old author ; 
 
 " A Merchant's gain is great that goes to sea ; 
 
 A Souldier is embossed all in gold ; 
 A Flatterer lies fox'd in brave arraj ; 
 A Scholar's only ragged to behold." 
 
 " Dat Galenus opes, dat Justinianus honores, 
 
 Sed Genus et Species Cogitur irepedes." 
 " The rich Physician, honor'd Lawyers ride, 
 
 While the poor Scholar foots it by their side." 
 
 Too often, I fear, as the same anatomist of
 
 CLERGY. 129 
 
 melancholy remarks of Scholars in general, have 
 our learned Clerks reason to cry out, 
 
 ' Quid me literulas stulti docuere parentesT 
 
 " If this be all the respect, reward and honor 
 we shall have ; 
 
 ' F range, leves C alamos, et scinde Thalia Itiiellos;' 
 
 what did our parents mean to make us scholars, 
 to be as far to seek for preferment after twenty 
 years study as we were at first ? Why do we take 
 such pains ? If there be no more hope of reward, 
 no better encouragement ; let us turn soldiers, 
 sell our books, and buy swords, guns and pikes, 
 or stop bottles with them ; turn our gowns (as 
 Cleanthes once did) into millers' coats ; leave all 
 and betake ourselves to some other course of 
 life. ' Praestat Dentis scalpia radere, quam 
 literariis monumentis magnatum favorem emen- 
 dicare.' " 
 
 " His Father saw his powers ' I'll give, quoth he, 
 My first-born learning : 'twill a portion be ;' 
 Unhappy Gift ! a portion for a Son ! 
 But all he had : he learn'd, and was undone !" 
 
 CRABBE'S Curate. 
 
 Burton's description of Scholars in his days, 
 deserves to be added, since it tells as much/or 
 
 VOL. II. K
 
 130 CLERGY. 
 
 them as against them. " Your greatest students 
 are commonly no better silly soft fellows in 
 their outward behaviour, absurd, ridiculous to 
 others, and no whit experienced in worldly bu- 
 siness. They can measure the heavens, range over 
 the world, teach others wisdom, and yet in bar- 
 gains and contracts, they are circumvented by 
 every base tradesman. Are not these men fools?" 
 He adds however for their comfort what Pliny 
 said of Isaeus. " He is yet a Scholar ; than 
 which kind of men, there is nothing so simple, 
 so sincere ; none better ; harmless, upright, in- 
 nocent, plain-dealing men." " k We can make 
 Majors and officers every year," says he in ano- 
 ther place ; " Kings can invest Knights and Ba- 
 rons, as Sigismond the Emperor confessed : but 
 he, nor they, nor all the world, can give learn- 
 ing, make philosophers, orators, artists, poets. We 
 can soon say, (as Seneca well notes) O virum 
 bonum ! O divitem ! point at a rich man, a good, 
 an happy, a proper man, Sumptuose vestitum; Ca- 
 lamistratum; bene olentem ; magno temporis im- 
 pendio constat haec laudatis O Virum literatum ! 
 it is not so easily performed to find out a learned 
 man. Learning is not so quickly got." But to 
 return to the Clergy.
 
 CLERGY. 131 
 
 I remember one of these learned Clerks, a very 
 worthy but a very unsuccessful man, gravely 
 telling me, that his father offered him the option 
 of being a Clergyman or a Coach-maker, and that 
 he had often sorely repented that he did not 
 choose the latter. Such Clergymen as these are 
 the persons of whom the world hears nothing ; 
 but yet judges of the whole order, from those 
 who happen to render themselves but too con- 
 spicuous ; though I must maintain that generally 
 speaking, a great improvement has taken place, 
 if the conduct of the Clergy, (even of the younger 
 part of the profession) be but candidly weighed 
 and considered. Here and there indeed there 
 may still be found, 
 
 " The Cassock'd Huntsman and the Fiddling Priest," 
 
 but even such characters are improved in their 
 manners ; seldom do we see such Clergymen as 
 are represented in the song and pictures of the 
 Vicar and Moses, for instance. How very few 
 of the whole body, smoke, swear, drink hard, 
 gamble, publicly or privately, or lead notoriously 
 immoral lives. Yet such things were, they tell 
 us ; probably, with great exaggeration, and many 
 signal exceptions : but we have undoubtedly 
 
 K2
 
 132 CLERGY. 
 
 the advantage of much improvement in manners, 
 and in the refinements of society. Vulgarity and 
 coarsenesses are not immoral in themselves, but 
 where they prevail, there can be no doubt, that 
 some sort of immoralities are always more gene- 
 ral, less disgusting, less offensive to the public eye 
 and ear. 
 
 " Doctrina sed vim promovet insitam, 
 Rectiquc cultus pectora roborant : 
 Ut cunque defecere mores, 
 Dedecorant bene nata cnlpae." 
 
 " Ingenuas didicisse fideliter artes 
 
 Emollit mores, nee sinit esse feros." 
 
 I have noticed the imputations thrown on the 
 Clergy, of being worldly-minded, covetous, and 
 rapacious, and endeavoured to shew by undeni- 
 able instances, that the patience with which 
 they endure their general exclusion from all 
 titles, privileges, and personal distinctions ; from 
 Parliament, (even their own Constitutional Par- 
 liament, if I may call it so ;) from all other 
 trades, callings and professions; and lastly, from 
 what is mostly regarded as the world, XT eJjo^ojv, 
 (as is the case with those who really discharge 
 the duties of their office in retired country vil- 
 lages, and parishes remote from the metropolis,)
 
 CLERGY. 133 
 
 that there is nothing of which the profession at 
 large deserve less to be accused, than that of 
 worldly -mindedness. The whole body of the 
 Clergy must have entered into the Church, with 
 a certainty of labouring under the enumerated 
 restrictions and exclusions, and yet a very large 
 majority, no doubt, descend annually to the 
 grave, without having once uttered a complaint 
 against them during their whole lives, even in 
 these days of affected liberality, and clamour 
 against all restrictions ! I say affected liberality, 
 for can it be otherwise, when so very lately, Mr. 
 Radical Hunt made it part of his petition to Par- 
 liament from Somersetshire, that in addition to 
 all other restrictions and disqualifications, " the 
 Clergy (in general) should be excluded from 
 holding commissions in the Peace, or even act- 
 ing as Commissioners of Taxes, Sewers, or Turn- 
 pikes." I remember two lines of a poem, in 
 which the Statue in Guildhall, of the celebrated 
 Alderman Beckford, the favourite of the mob of 
 those days, but who had great possessions in the 
 West Indies, was thus alluded to ; 
 
 " Fronting his noble form, who at tyranny raves, 
 The Champion of Freedom and dealer in Slaves !"
 
 134 CLERGY. 
 
 As to the other charge of rapaciousness, I 
 have also endeavoured to shew, not only that 
 much has been taken from them, whether they 
 would or no, and which they make no attempt 
 to recover, but that whatever has been left to 
 them, is in almost every instance, so clogged 
 with difficulties, so lessened by positive advan- 
 tages taken against them, (in times past as well 
 as at present,) so grudgingly accounted for and 
 paid to them, (though undoubtedly their due,) 
 so hardly recoverable in case of disputes, con- 
 sidering the laws and jurisdictions to which 
 they must appeal, and the constant disparity 
 in regard to numbers, that a rapacity the most 
 unbounded could scarcely obtain for any one 
 of them the utmost extent of their dues, and 
 I believe there are very few indeed that are not 
 compelled to submit quietly to some flagrant 
 invasion or other of their undoubted rights. I 
 myself saw a case, (not long ago,) signed by a 
 very eminent Exchequer Counsel, to whom vari- 
 ous questions had been referred, on a dispute be- 
 tween a Rector and his parishioners, the latter 
 of whom had broken an agreement, to the great 
 loss and damage of the former. Upon every 
 question a most decided opinion was given in
 
 CLERGY. 135 
 
 favour of the Rector, but constantly ending 
 with some such remark as follows, " but I know 
 not what remedy to advise, the opposite parties 
 are so numerous" I was also amused and di- 
 verted, almost into a fit of laughter, at a speci- 
 men it contained, of the uncertainty of our laws 
 in such cases ; one of the questions related to the 
 extent of a modus, claiming to be a modus on 
 meadow land, &c. ; it was stated in reply, that 
 though there might be sufficient grounds to 
 question the modus in general, it would proba- 
 bly be difficult to get rid of it, for it might be 
 doubted what was intended by meadow land 
 " perhaps a turnip field might be meadow land in 
 law." 
 
 In all that I have said, it has been far from 
 my attention to advance any thing in favour of 
 tithes, or the contrary ; I have only sought to 
 rescue a large, and, as I think, a very respect- 
 able class of the community, the resident paro- 
 chial Clergy, (to whom we ought chiefly to look 
 when we would estimate the real character of a 
 Clergyman) from the severe charges of worldly- 
 mindedness and rapacity. 
 
 But there is another propensity attributed to 
 the Clergy as a body, which perhaps deserves
 
 136 CLERGY. 
 
 some consideration, namely, a great relish for 
 the pleasures of the table, " Gula et Ventri dediti," 
 to use the expression of a very old writer. Is it 
 not even Swift who has said, 
 
 " I ne'er knew a Parson but had a good nose, 
 
 Though the Devil's as welcome wherever he goes." 
 
 Which reminds me of a laughable mistake 
 mentioned in one of our newspapers but a very 
 short time ago ; of a Mayor of a certain Corpo- 
 ration, who presiding at a great dinner, when 
 the cloth was removed, looked all down the 
 table for a Clergyman to say Grace, but observ- 
 ing none there, gravely got up and said, " There 
 is not one Clergyman present thank God!" 
 
 But I am strongly disposed to think, that in 
 this particular also, the Clergy have been hardly 
 dealt with ; and that if upon some occasions 
 they have appeared to be gluttons professionally, 
 it has been the laity who drove them into such 
 appearances. I suppose it will be granted that 
 if a dinner be divided into two parts, as first and 
 second course for instance ; or into three, as first 
 and second course and dessert ; and of a large 
 and brilliant company, one particular person shall 
 be restricted, to the satisfaction of his appe-
 
 CLERGY. 137 
 
 tite, out of owe only of those divisions, and then 
 to rise from the table ; leaving all the rest of the 
 party, to feast further, upon all that may fol- 
 low ; perhaps even to wait upon them ; if that 
 particular person should eat rather more vora- 
 ciously of his particular division than the rest, 
 and not rise from table, without sometimes cast- 
 ing a wistful eye on the dainties he is compelled 
 to forego, surely we must admit this to be too 
 natural to be censured even as an infirmity, 
 much less as a crime. But this was just the 
 case with certain of the Clergy in times past. 
 Any reader may be convinced of this who 
 will take the trouble of turning to the 225th 
 Number of the Toiler, and read there the gross 
 indignities to which the Chaplain of a great fa- 
 mily was in those days exposed. The Abbe Le 
 Blanc in his Letters on England, cited else- 
 where, notices this base custom in terms of in- 
 dignation ; and it must indeed have appeared 
 particularly disgraceful to a Roman Catholic, 
 amongst whom it was customary always to help 
 the Priest first, and place him next the ladies, 
 whilst the English Chaplain was expected to rise 
 from table at the end of the Jirst course, and in 
 no manner presume to partake of the confection-
 
 138 CLERGY. 
 
 ary, sweetmeats, fruit, &c. " This," says Lord 
 Rochester, whom the Abbe cites, " necessarily 
 puts the good man upon making great ravages 
 on all the dishes that stand near him, and dis- 
 tinguishing himself by voraciousness of appetite, 
 as knowing that his time is short. In this case, 
 I know not which to censure most ; the Patron 
 or the Chaplain the insolence of power, or the ab- 
 jectness of dependance" 
 
 In Bishop Hall's Satires, we have the follow- 
 ing picture of a domestic Chaplain. 
 
 " A gentle Squire would gladly entertaine 
 Into his house some trencher-chapelaine ; 
 Some willing man, that might instruct his sons, 
 And that would stand to good conditions ; 
 First, that he lie upon the truckle-bed, 
 While his young maister lieth o'er his head ; 
 Second, that he do, npon no default, 
 Never presume to sit above the Salt* : 
 Third, that he never change his trencher twice, 
 Fourth, that he use all common courtesies ; 
 Sit bare at meals, and one half rise and wait, 
 Last, that he never bis young maister beat ; 
 But he must aske his mother to define, 
 How manic jerks she would his breech should line. 
 All these observ'd, he could contented be, 
 To give V markes, and winter liverie." 
 
 * See under the word Salt, Archdeacon Nares's Glossary.
 
 CLERGY. 139 
 
 There might indeed be, as Lord Rochester 
 remarks, much abjectness in the dependant ; but 
 the ill manners, not to say insolence of the Pa- 
 tron, were surely more to be censured ; power 
 is subject to few or no necessities, but depen- 
 dance must become independent before it can in- 
 sist upon its own terms. Happy am I to say, 
 that as far as my own observation extends, 
 nothing can be more changed for the better 
 than the situation of domestic Chaplains and 
 tutors ; and the effect upon the latter has been, 
 that they not only stand much higher than they 
 used to do in the scale of society, but that they 
 have abandoned all those abject vulgarisms, 
 which drew up6n them the contempt of the 
 world at large. They have no occasion to be ab- 
 ject ; they have learned to be polite. They may 
 eat as they please at great tables, and having no 
 longer any temptation to gormandise, they are, 
 to speak generally, totally free from that vulgar 
 vice. 
 
 As to the Clergy in general being a gorman- 
 dising body, they are much to be pitied if they 
 be so. I remember meeting a very fat one 
 once, with whom I had the pleasure of being 
 acquainted, and knew that he had been indis-
 
 140 CLERGY. 
 
 posed as it is called; I of course enquired par- 
 ticularly after his health ; he complained of 
 being really very ill, and amongst other things 
 remarked, that he had " totally lost his appetite !" 
 " But God forbid," said he at the same time, 
 " that any poor man should find it, for there 
 never was such a one in the world." Now let 
 us grant that this good fat Priest was a gorman- 
 diser, do but fancy him sent down to reside for 
 many successive years, even to the .end of his 
 life, in a small country village, remote from any 
 market town, and remote from the sea what a 
 great choice of viands must he have ! ! What 
 prospects of ever feasting upon venison, turtle, 
 turbots, &c. &c. ! ! What admirable means of 
 getting rich soups, high-seasoned dishes, pies and 
 patties of the first confectionary ! ! It must be 
 mere matter of accident if he find a tolerably 
 steady supply of beef and mutton, and he may 
 think himself lucky if so many as three calves 
 are killed in the place in the compass of a year, 
 (unless it be in the spring, when he may stand a 
 chance of being surfeited with veal ;) nor will he 
 get probably a quarter of lamb upon his table be- 
 fore it be as big as half an ox. 
 
 If it be a Curate indeed who serves the
 
 CLERGY. 141 
 
 Church, and there should happen to be a warren 
 belonging to the Squire, he may perhaps Sunday 
 after Sunday, be regaled with the delicacy of a 
 couple or so of Rabbits, till in fact he be sick of 
 them, as some Curate is said to have taken the 
 liberty of hinting to one such host of the Sabbath, 
 in the following Grace, on rising from the table ; 
 
 Of Rabbits hot, of Rabbits cold, 
 
 Of Rabbits tender, Rabbits tough 
 Of Rabbits young, of Rabbits old, 
 
 I thank the L d *, we've had enough ! 
 
 I am not speaking, you will observe, of the 
 hierarchy ; of the two Archbishops, 24 Bishops, 
 28 Deans, and about 200 Prebendaries, Canons, 
 and Residentiary Canons, of our Church ; (no 
 great number in all ;) these may perhaps, now 
 and then, " fare sumptuously, and be" occasion- 
 ally " clothed in purple and fine linen" (and it 
 is well that some few should do so out of an 
 immense establishment of persons expensively 
 educated) but I am alluding to the officiating 
 Ministers of a very large majority of those 10,000 
 parishes into which the kingdom is said to be 
 divided, whether resident incumbents or Cu- 
 
 * In quibusdam MSS. " I thank thee, Lord" viz, of the Manor.
 
 142 CLERGY. 
 
 rates ; and who, if they be worldly-minded, rapa- 
 cious, and gourmands, as very commonly repre- 
 sented, must assuredly and in the nature of 
 things, be in the way of suffering as many mor- 
 tifications and disappointments, as any set of 
 people perhaps in the whole compass of his Ma- 
 jesty's dominions. 
 
 I have already quoted Mr. William Cobbett, 
 (I beg his pardon ; I believe, if it is not, it has 
 been, William Cobbett, Esquire) and I shall here 
 add one more extract from his celebrated Poli- 
 tical Register ; " The discussion of this subject 
 will have one good effect, it will convince all 
 reasonable men that the Clergy are not so pam- 
 pered as they have been represented to be : 
 their ease and luxury have been the standing 
 theme of envy and of abuse for many many 
 years. The big-bellied Vicar and his half-starved 
 parishioners have been exhibited to the passing 
 crowd in St. Paul's Church-yard every day, 
 except Sundays, for forty years past. The pic- 
 ture might with great truth be reversed ; a half- 
 starved Clergyman amidst a crowd of big-bellied, 
 rosy-gilled farmers, is to be found in one half of 
 the parishes in the kingdom." 
 
 This was in the year 1802. Just at present it
 
 CLERGY. 
 
 must be confessed, if there be any difference, it 
 is, that they are all half-starving together, or if 
 not literally so, grievously low in pocket, and 
 sadly tormented with pains arising from empti- 
 ness of purses. 
 
 I am a perfect friend to toleration. I think 
 no truly conscientious Dissenter from the esta- 
 blished Church should be persecuted for his 
 opinions, but in every way possible protected by 
 the laws. I am however, I must confess, much 
 given to think, that there is no religious com- 
 munity, less tolerated or more illiberally treated 
 than the established Church. But I shall for- 
 bear to enter into particulars. I am only astonish- 
 ed that those who profess to be attached both 
 to her doctrines and her discipline, do not, with 
 greater warmth and spirit resent the indignities 
 to which she is subject; and which, as far as I 
 can judge, from a good deal of observation, 
 have no foundation whatsoever in fact. Before 
 I part from this subject however, I would wish 
 to recommend to the perusal of those who are in 
 the way of judging too hastily of the Church 
 and Clergy, Dr. Shuttleworth's late work on the 
 subject, and the review of it in the Christian Re- 
 membrancer, January, 1822, in which passages
 
 144 CLERGY. 
 
 are to be found, particularly illustrative of the 
 cases I have ventured to bring forward, of mor- 
 tification and self-denial, on the part of so large 
 a proportion of our fellow-subjects. The Essay 
 in Swift's works, entitled, " Some Arguments 
 against enlarging the Power of the Bishops," 
 (anno 1723) contains also many things to the 
 same purpose and effect.
 
 UNIVERSITIES. 
 
 THERE is great confusion of titles in our Eng- 
 lish Universities, though Cambridge is certainly 
 much more simple than Oxford. (I beg pardon, 
 I mean only respecting titles.) At Cambridge, 
 every head of a College, except those of King's 
 and Queen's, is a Master; and this is well, for 
 Kings and Queens of course can have no Masters. 
 But at Oxford there are, 
 
 Deans, (or at least one) 
 
 Presidents, 
 
 Provosts, 
 
 Wardens, 
 
 Rectors, 
 
 Masters, 
 and 
 
 Principals. 
 
 As, I believe, they take place in the University 
 and amongst themselves according to the date of 
 their degrees or appointments, there is not much 
 hazard of confusion ; but it must be difficult, I 
 should think, (to speak academically) for Fresh- 
 VOL. n. L
 
 146 UNIVERSITIES. 
 
 men, Lions, Tigers, and other such strangers, to 
 know or to recollect distinctly, which is a Pre- 
 sident, which a Rector, which a Principal, See. 
 
 There is a ludicrous instance of misnomer 
 upon record in one of the Colleges at Oxford, 
 whose head is a Warden. In remote times, 
 when the public roads were bad, and travelling 
 equipages not often seen, it happened that in a 
 College progress, as it is called, when the foun- 
 dation members go in form to inspect their 
 estates, a heavy coach and four with varioufc 
 strange looking outriders, was seen at noon day, 
 entering the streets of London ; the people that 
 were passing, anxious to know what such a reti- 
 nue could mean, enquired of one of the College 
 servants, who it might be that was travelling in 
 such array;. The servant forgetting how far he 
 was from the walls of the University, replied 
 with proper academical respect : the Warden 
 and Fellows. The London pedestrians, knowing 
 nothing of such titles, understood him to say, 
 the Warder and Felows ; and as there can be no 
 greater sight to a London mob, than a parcel of 
 atrocious culprits, fettered and hand-cuffed, and 
 in bondage of a jailor, a crowd was soon col- 
 lected around the travellers, and great was the
 
 UNIVERSITIES. 147 
 
 astonishment expressed, when they saw them 
 take another road than that which led directly 
 to Newgate ! 
 
 It is a strange name that they give at Oxford 
 to the Hebdomadal Assembly of the Heads of 
 Houses ; and yet there is some wit in it. It is 
 called Golgotha, that is to say, the place of 
 Skulls. Cambridge has something like it, and 
 in a more legalised form, in their Caput. Which 
 one Caput or Head however, must, one would 
 hope, be pretty full of brains, consisting as it 
 does, of the Vice-Chancellor, a Doctor in each 
 faculty, and two Masters of Arts. 
 
 Master of Arts sounds odd. Master of Sci- 
 ences would surely have been better people 
 may be disposed to ask of what arts are they 
 such great masters ? for there are many ; and 
 Lucian we know has been at the pains to prove 
 that none is so excellent as Parasitism. I am 
 quite aware that the liberal arts are meant, but 
 it would have cost Lucian but little trouble to 
 have gone farther with his proofs, and to have 
 shewn that no art could well be more liberal than 
 that of eating freely at other men's tables. To 
 the credit of the present times I must say, Pa- 
 rasitism seems to be nearly at an end. Either 
 
 L2
 
 148 UNIVERSITIES'. 
 
 there are fewer wheedlers, or fewer persons capa- 
 ble of being wheedled out of a dinner ; or more 
 dinners to be had without wheedling. However 
 it is surely a great comfort to know that the most 
 simple, sincere and ingenuous of our young men 
 may gradually become perfect Masters of Arts by 
 going to either of our Universities. 
 
 But if the title of Master of Arts sounds at all 
 strange, what shall we say to that of Bachelor. 
 How odd and alarming must it appear to the 
 ladies of the land, to see young men just grow- 
 ing up to man's estate labouring hard to become 
 Bachelors ; nay, " determined Bachelors" for this 
 is another of their titles. I would give the ladies 
 comfort if I could, by explaining to them the 
 true meaning of this singular, academical term ; 
 but I am not sure that I might not make things 
 worse, for in reality, these English Bachelors 
 are but Latin Disputants ; Baccalaurei vel Bata- 
 larii, persons who have disputed successfully in 
 the schools. What will the ladies say to this? I 
 fear they will decide that such professed disput- 
 ants had better continue, determined Bachelors. 
 
 There is in both our Universities a sad mixture 
 of Latin, Greek, and English terms admitted. 
 What can be worse than the distinction at Cam-
 
 UNIVERSITIES. 149 
 
 bridge amongst the Bachelors of Divinity, of 
 
 FOUR-AND-TWENTY-MEN, Or TEN-YEAR-MEN? 
 
 The Oxford " Disputants" of whom I have just 
 spoken, would it seems, at Cambridge be ac- 
 counted absolute " Wranglers" that is, according 
 to our English Dictionaries, arrant scolds ! Such 
 scolds indeed, that public Moderators are judged 
 necessary to interpose their authority. Sophs 
 and Optimes, seem to be neither good Greek, 
 good Latin, or good English terms. I have not 
 only heard, but read, very lately, of Smatterers 
 and Gulph-men. 
 
 What would strangers make of the Cambridge 
 Combination papers, containing lists of certain 
 Bachelors of Divinity and Masters of Arts in every 
 College, and regularly signed by the Vice-Chan- 
 cellor ? If they turn to the English Dictionary, 
 they will find combination to signify, " the enter- 
 ing of several persons into a conspiracy to put 
 in practice some unlawful design ;" while the 
 Cambridge combination is in fact only the en- 
 tering of several names of persons upon a list, 
 to preach the University Sermons at St. Mary's ; 
 it is almost necessary, for fear of mistakes, that 
 the difference should be pointed out, and I shall 
 hope to receive the thanks of all present and
 
 150 UNIVERSITIES. 
 
 future Bachelors of Divinity and Masters of Arts, 
 in Cambridge, for thus explaining their term, ac- 
 cording to its exact bearings. The term Combi- 
 nation in Arithmetic, as explained in the Diction- 
 aries, might mislead people as much as the term 
 in law ; for as the Combination papers, according 
 to the latter, might convey to strangers the idea 
 of a parcel of Conspirators in the persons regis- 
 tered, the office to which they are called of 
 preaching before the University, would be oddly 
 represented, by the following definition of Arith- 
 metical Combination ; viz. " An art of finding 
 how many different ways a certain given number 
 of things (it is really things, not texts) may be 
 varied, or taken by one and one, two and two, 
 &c. &c." 
 
 Being upon the subject of preaching, I cannot 
 help suggesting to both our Universities, that it 
 might be well to look at a letter signed J. O. in 
 the 312th Number of the Spectator, in order to 
 correct some faults not uncommon in our aca- 
 demical pulpits. Are not certain worldly titles 
 given to the higher officers and benefactors, un- 
 suitable, as J. O. hints, to the place and occa- 
 sion? There is something not inapplicable to 
 them in the following passage also. " When a
 
 UNIVERSITIES. 
 
 young man," says the Letter-writer, "has a mind 
 to let us know who gave him his scarf, he speaks 
 a parenthesis to the Almighty ; Bless (as I am in 
 duty bound to pray) the Right Honorable the 
 Countess, &c." Is not this as much as to say, 
 Bless her, for thou knowest I am her Chaplain ? 
 At Oxford, since the passing of the new sta- 
 tute of examinations, they are reported to have 
 adopted two terms, which, I must say, are nei- 
 ther very elegant, nor very intelligible I mean 
 the Little-go, and Great-go. I am not sure about 
 the latter, but as I know there is a Little-go, I 
 conclude of course there is a Great-go also 
 knowing besides, that there are two examinations 
 at least for the Bachelor's degree, of which the 
 Little-go, as it is called, is the first. I presume 
 not to dispute the importance of the Examina- 
 tions themselves. If they do not generally excite 
 a disposition to study, they have certainly raised 
 a necessity for it ; perhaps if there were a little 
 more room left for general knowledge in the pre- 
 scribed studies, it might be better; and amongst 
 such a variety of students, I should doubt whe- 
 ther, in regard to too many, the " Little-go," 
 when once passed, may not lead to a " little 
 stand-still," and the " Great-go," to a " great
 
 UNIVERSITIES. 
 
 stand-still" as to several of the books and sci- 
 ences in vogue. I should be disposed to suspect 
 much the same as to the extraordinary stress laid 
 upon Mathematics in the Sister University, and 
 which I conceive has been carried rather too far, 
 though in pardonable veneration for the memory 
 of Sir Isaac Newton. 
 
 It is a pity I think that the Cambridge men 
 don't perceive that in the term ol woXXoi, reserved 
 for those who do not attain honors, a sort of 
 reflection is cast on the University is it not as 
 much as to say, " after all our boasts, and all 
 our pains, the dunces form the majority?" I 
 merely ask the question, by way of hint. It is 
 managed better at Oxford by a third class, which 
 for what the public knows, may consist only of 
 the few, ol oXjyot, as one might say ; for their 
 names and numbers are I think suppressed. I 
 have heard that at Oxford, those who cannot at 
 all get through the examinations are "plucked," 
 (as the term is,) but whether they are eaten after- 
 wards by the examining Masters, being found 
 so soft, I cannot pretend to say certain it is 
 that many of them are said to undergo a " cram- 
 ming," expressly to prepare them for the Exa- 
 miner's table.
 
 UNIVERSITIES. 153 
 
 How can the Cambridge men suffer the Greek 
 term egjaotpoy to be transmogrified into such a 
 burlesque title as that of a Harry-Soph ? It is 
 as bad as some of the misnomers of the ships of 
 our navy, by sailors ; as, 
 
 ^Eolus Ale-house, 
 
 Bienfaisante Bonny Pheasant, 
 
 Courageux Currant Juice, 
 
 &c. &c. &c. 
 
 Both Universities have a Magdalen College, 
 pronounced by corruption Maudlin: this is an 
 idle way of speaking, and should be more at- 
 tended to, considering the meaning of the latter 
 term ; it being upon record, that a Chaplain of 
 one of these Colleges, in doing duty before the 
 University, actually forgot himself so far as to 
 begin the 20th chapter of John as follows : 
 " On the first day of the week came Mary 
 Maudlin, &c." 
 
 It must be a great advantage to Cambridge, 
 that she has, what Oxford is without, a Profes- 
 sor of Casuistry ! Are we to suppose that Ox- 
 ford has never any knotty cases of conscience 
 to settle? How then does she manage these 
 matters ? 
 
 Cambridge indeed may be in more need of a
 
 154 UNIVERSITIES. 
 
 Professor of Casuistry than the Sister University, 
 being liable to have a Professor of Double Deal- 
 ing, quibbling, shuffling, and cavilling ; as would 
 appear from the following article in our Dic- 
 tionaries; TRIPOS [at Cambridge] the Pr&vari- 
 cator at the University. What is prevaricating 
 then ? for we have anglicised the term, if not the 
 trick ; but I fear we have anglicised both. It is 
 fit therefore that we should exactly understand 
 what it implies in Latin, to know how far it is 
 worthy of further cultivation and encouragement 
 amongst us. Ainsworth says it implies, to 
 dodge, to boggle, to sham ; to play foul play, fast 
 and loose ; to be Jack on both sides, to shuffle and 
 cut, to make shew to do a thing and do the clean 
 contrary, to work by collusion, Sac. Whoever is 
 acquainted with the Lettres Provinciates of Pas- 
 cal, will be able to judge what a close connec- 
 tion there once was between a Prevaricator and a 
 Professor of Casuistry, and how incongruous such 
 Jesuitical titles must seem in an English Protes- 
 tant University. This then is a proper academical 
 anomaly appertaining to titles, and consequently 
 not very well to be passed by. 
 
 Heaven bless and preserve both the Alma Ma- 
 tresJ They are pretty old now, being amongst
 
 UNIVERSITIES. 155 
 
 the oldest of the King's daughters, as the witty 
 author of the Persian Letters says of the Univer- 
 sity of Paris ; 
 
 " The University of Paris is the eldest daugh- 
 ter of the Kings of France, and the eldest by 
 much, for she is above nine hundred years old : 
 and indeed she does sometimes doat !" 
 
 I know that a certain degree of dotage has 
 been rudely enough attributed to our own very 
 ancient Seminaries of Learning, our antiquated 
 King's daughters to wit; and objections are 
 current at this very time, as to the particular 
 studies pursued at both places ; Cambridge is 
 too mathematical, Oxford too classical, logical, me- 
 taphysical, &c. and perhaps, if, as I have before 
 hinted, consistently with a certain proportion 
 of such recondite learning, a little more scope 
 were allowed for the cultivation of general know- 
 ledge, it might be better ; but I have been much 
 surprised to find in some very modern books, 
 the Universities spoken of, as they used to be 
 described centuries ago ; as more the seats of 
 ignorance, dulness, idleness, and dissipation, than of 
 wisdom, learning, study, and sobriety of manners. 
 When, as Hume, citing Speed, says, 30,000 stu- 
 dents were to be found in Oxford alone, engaged
 
 156 UNIVERSITIES. 
 
 in the cultivation of very bad Latin, and still 
 worse logic, to say nothing of their moral habits ! 
 or when, to descend to more modern times, 
 (though I do not quite credit the assertion,) " in 
 the University of Oxford," according to the au- 
 thor of the Wealth of Nations, " the greater part 
 of the public professors, had given up altogether 
 even the pretence of teaching." That in so large 
 and numerous a society of young persons just 
 broke loose from school, there should be some idle, 
 ignorant and dissipated, cannot be any reason- 
 able matter of surprise. But that the general 
 aspect of things is such, I cannot bring myself 
 to believe, not only from what I have heard, 
 from those who are actually in the way of ascer- 
 taining the truth of things, but from what I have 
 read, and every body else may have read, in our 
 public journals, of the honors and distinctions 
 conferred on numerous individuals, not except- 
 ing the highest ranks of our Nobility, (who for- 
 merly used to slink away under the cover of an 
 honorary degree,) for their progress, in Literis 
 Humanioribus, in Disciplinis Math, et Phys. &c. 
 &c. &c. So that there seems to be every prospect 
 of our getting not only learned but rich by de- 
 grees, since a Pope of Rome, Julius II. long ago
 
 UNIVERSITIES. 157 
 
 decided, that learning was silver to the Common* 
 alty of a State, gold to Nobles, and diamonds to 
 Princes. 
 
 The Public Professors of both Universities 
 may at present have little to do, merely because 
 there is more to do now than formerly, under the 
 system of private tuition and College exercises, 
 and in preparing the young men for those exer- 
 cises and examinations, which are indispensably 
 necessary to the attainment of a degree ; but no 
 public Professor, if I am rightly informed, and 
 I have taken some pains to enquire, would now- 
 a-days be found to slink from his duties, if the 
 statutes, rules, or regulations of the University, 
 would enable him at all times to command an 
 audience : many public Lectures are delivered in 
 the course of every year, and more, in all proba- 
 bility would be read, if those who might be audi- 
 tors, were not continually engaged in studies 
 and pursuits, judged to be more regularly aca- 
 demical ; of which studies who can be expected 
 to be better judges than the heads of the Socie- 
 ty? In different Universities, different modes of 
 education have very generally prevailed ; and it 
 would not be difficult I think to prove, that more 
 is to be accomplished under the system of pri-
 
 158 UNIVERSITIES. 
 
 vate study and private tuition, than by a general 
 attendance on Public Professors only. If this 
 be the case, as I am told it is, such improvements 
 should be noticed. I know not how many edi- 
 tions Dr. Smith's celebrated work may have 
 passed through, but as I find the above passage 
 in the fourth, it may have been many times re- 
 peated spite of the changes that have taken 
 place. 
 
 I am entirely confident that whatever may be 
 said against the present studies and discipline 
 of our two southern Universities, a very great 
 deal of learning is cultivated there, and a very 
 creditable attention paid to the morals, habits, 
 and good conduct of the students in general. 
 Exceptions there must be ; but to return to the 
 figure adopted by the ingenious author of the 
 Lettres Persannes, I should decide that our King's 
 daughters, ancient as they are, so far from being 
 superannuated or in dotage, are rather getting 
 younger, and at the present time are in a very 
 promising state of vigour and activity ; not 
 however so far renovated perhaps as to be inca- 
 pable of further improvement.
 
 FEMALES, 
 
 THEIR RIGHTS AND PRIVILEGES. 
 
 HAVING already said much about the rank of 
 women, I need not perhaps be very particular as 
 to their rights and privileges ; only I must have 
 leave to tell them, that they have really very 
 few ; in the eye of the law I mean. The first thing 
 I read about them in some of our law books is, 
 that " women in England, with all their moveable 
 goods, as soon as 1 they are married, are wholly in 
 potestate Viri ;" that is, at the will and disposition 
 of the husband. They " cannot let, set, sell, give 
 away, or alienate any thing without their hus- 
 band's consent" " a lady's most necessary ap- 
 parel by the law, is not her's in property, but she 
 must hold in capite of the husband ; he being 
 Caput Mulieris, the Head of the Woman." 
 
 Exalted however as this " Head" is by the 
 law, there can be no doubt, but that it would be 
 more exalted if it had a crown upon it. Here 
 then the ladies of England have a fair opportu-
 
 160 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 
 
 nity of gaining a superiority, for by a law mote 
 ancient and more sacred than even our own Bri- 
 tish laws, it is declared, that " a VIRTUOUS 
 WOMAN is a CROWN to her husband." What a 
 parcel of Kings we must have amongst us ! But 
 to return. All the moveable goods of a married 
 woman are clearly ascertained to be, " in potes- 
 tate Viri ;" as has been shewn ; in the power of 
 the husband; for so the words strictly imply. 
 But whether the female tongue is to be reckoned 
 among the moveables, wholly in potestate Viri, 
 after marriage, does not seem to be clearly set- 
 tled, unless indeed it be included, in another 
 plain maxim of the law, to the following effect, 
 " Sine Viro non respondere potest ;" which is as 
 much as to say, without the consent of her hus- 
 band, a woman has no right to make any reply. 
 In plain words, she must not presume to answer. 
 But I believe this is entirely matter of law, and 
 not of conscience ; it does not seem to extend to 
 any private or domestic arrangements. Though 
 the female tongue be certainly a moveable, I be- 
 lieve it is pretty generally held to continue " in 
 potestate Mulieris," even after marriage, and I 
 know nothing to prevent it. To what extent the 
 female tongue may be accounted a moveable,
 
 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 161 
 
 Ovid, fond as he was of the ladies, has taught 
 us, who speaks of the tongue of a beautiful fe- 
 male, which kept murmuring and complaining 
 after it was cut out, and thrown on the ground. 
 In the old ballad of the Wanton Wife of Bath 
 are the following lines, 
 
 " I think, quoth Thomas, Women's tongues 
 Of aspen leaven are made ;" 
 
 which of all moveables in nature, are decidedly 
 the most so. Gay's Pippin Woman, in his Trivia, 
 is of a piece with the case cited from Ovid. 
 
 " The crackling chrjstal yields, she sinks, she dies ; 
 Her head chopp'd oft', from her lost shoulders flies. 
 Pippins she cried, but death her voice confounds, 
 And pip-pip-pip aloug the ice rebounds." 
 
 The Chinese seem to go farthest in their re- 
 strictions on the " moveable goods" of women, in 
 the custom they observe of crippling their feet, 
 that they may not gad abroad, and in the law 
 which enacts that talkativeness in a married woman 
 shall be accounted a fit cause of divorce. Vide 
 Ta Tsing Leu Lee. 
 
 There seenis to be some odd insinuation in the 
 account the Spectator gives us, of the few suc- 
 cessful Candidates for the Flitch of Bacon, dur- 
 
 VOL. II. M
 
 162 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 
 
 ing the first century after the Service was insti- 
 tuted. " I find but two couples in this first cen- 
 tury that were successful : the first, was a sea- 
 captain and his wife, who since the day of their 
 marriage, had not seen each other till the day 
 of the claim ; the second, was an honest pair in 
 the neighbourhood ; the husband was a man of 
 plain good sense, and a peaceable temper ; the 
 woman was dumb" 
 
 British wives are not likely to do amiss, so 
 that I need scarcely tell them, that if they should 
 do so, the laws allow their husbands to admi- 
 nister moderate correction; " Modicam Castiga- 
 tionem ;" are the very words of the law. Which 
 moderate correction or castigation is plainly 
 expressed and described ; and is simply this ; 
 " acriter verberare Uxores ;" pretty sharply to 
 chastise them, " flagellis et fustibus ;" with whips 
 and cudgells ! 
 
 This law, to the credit of the ladies of Great 
 Britain, having become quite unnecessary, may 
 be considered as having fallen into what the 
 Scotch lawyers would call, a state of desuetude ; 
 but if it were in full force, we may depend upon 
 it, it is very mild, because at the end of Sir 
 William Blackstone's remarks in his Commen-
 
 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 163 
 
 taries, on the legal effects of marriage, I find the 
 following apostrophe : " So great a favorite is 
 the female sex of the laws of England 1" Cham- 
 berlayne also, who has noticed all the laws I 
 have mentioned, is much of the same opinion ; 
 though foreigners, as I have heard, think our 
 laws hard in respect of women. Mr. Pagens- 
 techer, a German author of no small eminence, 
 was at the pains to write a book, expressly to 
 prove, that by the law of nature, a husband has 
 no despotic power over his wife, and, in his own 
 terms, that marriage is not monarchy. We have 
 heard of monarchs de jure, and monarchs de 
 facto perhaps if Mr. Pagenstecher had considered 
 more maturely the state of things de facto, he 
 might not have thought it worth his while to 
 write so much about their state and circum- 
 stances de jure. 
 
 I must say, I think, that according to the 
 spirit of the law, " de modica castigatione," or 
 moderate correction, in the case of wives, "flagellis 
 et fustibus," heavens and earth ! with whips and 
 cudgells ! some similar law should have been 
 enacted to protect wives against their offending 
 husbands. Mrs. Barbara Crabtree for instance, 
 (Spectator, No. 252) ought clearly, I think, to 
 
 M2
 
 164 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 
 
 have been allowed the liberty she claims, of ap- 
 plying a cudgel to the back or shoulders of her 
 sottish husband. By the laws of our Anglo-Saxon 
 ancestors, a wife might not only chastise her 
 husband, for wilful and deliberate offences, but 
 even for such an unavoidable crime, as that of 
 having " a stinking breath." The laws of the 
 Anglo-Saxons indeed, in comparison with our 
 own, do seem to have been particularly favorable 
 to the female sex ; more so indeed, than to jus- 
 tify the remark of Mr. Turner in his valuable 
 history of that ancient people ; who I remember 
 observes, that the Anglo-Saxon women occupied 
 the same important and independent rank, which 
 they now enjoy. Certainly Mr. Turner himself 
 enumerates some rights and privileges allowed 
 them, which cannot be said strictly to belong to 
 English ladies in the present day. Wives indeed 
 were accounted such blessings and such indis- 
 pensable comforts to the other sex, that any man 
 who ran away with a married woman, was obliged 
 by the Anglo-Saxon laws to buy her husband 
 another wife. I believe at present, a man is not 
 obliged, or even expected, to lay out the very 
 damages he receives in such a case, in the pur- 
 chase of another wife, unless he choose it, which
 
 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 165 
 
 possibly after such bad luck in the first instance, 
 might not often be the case. 
 
 When ladies have done any thing deserving of 
 public honors, distinctions, and privileges, it is 
 rather curious to reflect upon such as have been 
 chosen for them. In the XVth century, when 
 the Duke of Burgundy besieged the town of 
 Beauvais, the women signalized themselves 
 greatly in its defence, by throwing stones on 
 the enemy, melted lead, &c. &c. &c. ! till they 
 were actually obliged to raise the siege ; for which 
 they were compensated by having a privilege 
 conferred on them, " Fort au gout de leur sexe," 
 says Bayle, (for I have the story from him) " Car 
 on leur permit de se parer," i.e. they were allowed 
 to bedizen themselves a little more than ordi- 
 nary ; and this by a special edict of Louis XI. 
 To which however he added another distinction, 
 not less perhaps, " au gout de leur sere," to repeat 
 the words of the French author, and certainly 
 very applicable to our purposes, namely, that on 
 the feast of Saint Agadreme, Patroness of the 
 town of Beauvais, they should, in the public pro- 
 cession, walk before the men. According to Vale- 
 rius Maximus, exactly the same honors were con- 
 ferred on the ladies of Rome, in compliment to 
 the mother and wife of Coriolanus, and their com-
 
 166 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 
 
 panions, for their patriotism in persuading that 
 General to retire with his army of Volscians. 
 " On ne pouvoit mieux s'accommoder a 1'inclina- 
 tion naturelle," is the remark of Bayle upon this 
 latter compliment. Plutarch does not mention 
 this distinction in favor of the Roman ladies, 
 but he highly commends the practice at Rome, 
 of allowing women to have their deserts set forth 
 in funeral orations ; a practice at first confined 
 to aged matrons, but extended by Julius Csesar, 
 of all men in the world, to young ladies also. 
 Plutarch seems to have been much interested for 
 the credit of the sex, having expressly written on 
 the Virtues of Women, and produced from his- 
 tory many curious instances. 
 
 Though ladies are not allowed to have seats 
 in Parliament, or personally to assist in making 
 laws, I do not see why, when they possess suffi- 
 cient property, they should not, in some way or 
 other, enjoy the elective franchise. I am only 
 speaking of the justice or equity of such a claim, 
 if it were properly urged. I am not dissatisfied 
 with the disqualification, if ladies themselves 
 are not so. I think they are just so much the 
 more amiable, as they are detached from politics. 
 But it is remarkable, that in the reign of Edward 
 III. when he wanted to raise money for the de-
 
 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 167 
 
 fence of Ireland, he scrupled so much to tax any 
 person's property without their consent, that regu- 
 lar writs were issued to the ladies who possessed 
 land there, commanding them to send their pro- 
 per attornies to consult upon the exigency of 
 affairs. If this could be done by attorney in 
 those days, why not now ? the acting by attorney 
 might obviate some of the most objectionable 
 impediments to the personal interference of our 
 British ladies in contested elections. As to in- 
 fluence, it is a different question. Perhaps the 
 real difficulty is to be found there ; and if so, 
 their disqualification may be regarded as a com- 
 pliment. There is certainly no calculating the 
 extent of female influence. " The movements of 
 the tender passions," says Mr. Turner in his 
 History of the Anglo-Saxons, " are more eccen- 
 tric than the wanderings of the heathy meteor, and 
 yet, under the Anglo-Saxons, females were ad- 
 mitted into their Witena-Gemot." I confess my 
 own opinion is, that one elegant, accomplished 
 and beautiful Miss Bull, might now and then out- 
 weigh all the John Bulls in the kingdom; and one 
 female constituent carry a point, against a whole 
 host of the other sex. Of their rhetorical powers 
 we have a good account in the Spectator, No. 
 252, where may be seen the exceeding force
 
 168 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 
 
 which the female eye in particular possesses, as 
 an instrument of persuasion. See also No. 510 of 
 the same work, marked thus in the Index of the 
 Vllth Volume, Beauty, the force of it. Mon- 
 taigne, describing the very same thing, says, 
 " Elle se presente au-devant, seduit et preoccupe 
 noire jugement avec grande autorite et merveilleuse 
 impression" even bribery and corruption would 
 have no chance against it, if we will believe 
 another French writer, or rather the Gnomes, 
 Spirits, Cabalists and devils, whose interesting 
 correspondence he has preserved ; for thus writes 
 Ben Kiber to the wise and learned Abukibak, in 
 the CVIIth of the celebrated Lettres Cabalisti- 
 ques. " J'etois 1'autre jour, sage et savant Abu- 
 kibak, dans une assemblee, ou Ton agita avec 
 beaucoup de chaleur, quelle etoit la chose a la- 
 quelle on peut resister le plus difficilement. Les 
 uns soutenoient les richesses ; les autres> les hon- 
 neurs et les dignites. Quelques uns vouloient que 
 ce fut la bonne chere, lorsqu'on jouissoit d'une 
 parfaite sante ; mais le plus grand nombre pre- 
 tendoit que c'etoit I'amour d'une belle personne. 
 Je me rangeai a cette opinion, et je suis reelle- 
 metit persuade qu'il n'est rien de si difficile que 
 de resister aux charmes et aux agaceries d'une 
 aimable femme qui cherche a. nous plaire. Quel-
 
 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 169 
 
 que precaution qu'on prenne pour defendre sa 
 liberte, quelque soin qu'on emploie pour garantir 
 son coeur, il faut tot ou tard se rendre ; un coup 
 d'odl detruit ordinairement dans un moment les 
 projets d'une semaine." There is no knowing then, 
 what might happen. I am inclined to regard it 
 as a very delicate compliment paid to the virtues, 
 charms, and accomplishment of the British fair, 
 that they stand excluded from all personal inter- 
 ference in the choice of our Legislators, as well 
 as in their proceedings in the Senate. 
 
 That ladies may be complimented out of their 
 rights and privileges, I am able to prove from a 
 case in point, which I learned from a very near 
 relation, who was a Member of the House of 
 Commons at the very time it happened. Till 
 that memorable day, ladies had been freely ad- 
 mitted into the galleries to hear the debates. From 
 some circumstances or other, (I will venture to 
 say it was no excess of chattering and talking) it 
 was thought expedient to exclude them ; but no 
 particular member could be found bold enough 
 to propose it. At length however an opportunity 
 presented itself. A Bill being under discussion, 
 which greatly affected the interests of a noble 
 family of high and extensive connections, the 
 galleries were daily crowded with the female
 
 170 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 
 
 relatives of the party, most of them, as may be 
 easily imagined, in full possession of the highest 
 possible attractions, as youth, beauty, wit, Sac. &c. 
 Upon which, a member got up and begged to 
 put the question to the Speaker, whether the 
 credit and character of the house did not most 
 peremptorily require, that in all their delibera- 
 tions they should be free from any undue or ex- 
 traordinary influence, and whether any of that 
 honorable house could cast their eyes up to the 
 galleries, and say that they were so at that mo- 
 ment. He should therefore move, that that bevy 
 of beauties should immediately retire. The ladies 
 obeyed, and have never been admitted since in 
 the same manner. 
 
 This was at the least a very polite way of get- 
 ting rid of them, and of excluding them from 
 the public assemblies of the state. Antiquaries 
 may reasonably be expected to stand upon less 
 ceremony. I find in a work of reputation, the 
 following reason given for their exclusion from 
 the public councils. " Every tenant by Knight- 
 service, as well as per Baroniam, was obliged 
 by his oath of homage, not only to give his lord 
 the best counsel and advice he was able, but also 
 to keep secret all such counsels as should be com- 
 municated to him. Which by the way (I quote
 
 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 171 
 
 verbatim) is one reason why all fiefs were ori- 
 ginally masculine, and could not descend to the 
 heirs female ! !" I always apprehended indeed, 
 that females were excluded from such holdings, 
 (especially by the " Loi Salique," from the throne 
 of France,) because according to feudal princi- 
 ples, their situation incapacitated them for per- 
 forming some services, (services of arms parti- 
 cularly,) which were required by those institu- 
 tions, but I never should have dreamt of their 
 being excluded for the reason given by this 
 very curious writer ; and indeed who could ? To 
 be sure Plutarch in his morals, tells a story of a 
 Roman matron, who after promising her husband 
 to keep an important secret, (as she thought it) 
 with the strictest fidelity, sent it round the whole 
 city so rapidly, that he had no sooner got to the 
 market place from his own house, than he was 
 made acquainted with it on all hands, as a most 
 portentous piece of news, though he had entirely 
 invented it out of his own head, to satisfy his 
 wife's importunity. 
 
 Heliogabalus we are informed had a female 
 Senate, but not such a one as could be any pre- 
 cedent to us, or such indeed as could be prac- 
 ticable here, for I much doubt if there were one
 
 172 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 
 
 woman of virtue to be found in it ; his own mo- 
 ther S&mias, though honored with the proud 
 title of Augusta, being at the head of it ; a 
 " monstre cfimpudicite," as a French author does 
 not scruple to call her. At Provence there was 
 a Cour (Tumour, consisting of females, which I 
 think would suit us a great deal better. As for 
 the Roman Senate of Heliogabalus, they seem 
 to have deliberated about things, which, it is 
 very obvious, could not be interesting to our 
 fair country women ; such as the rights of mar- 
 ried women ; what dresses were most becoming ; 
 who should be allowed to kiss them, and other 
 dull matters to be found in Lampridius. They 
 were not a little offended, it appears, with the 
 unpolite men of Rome, who nick-named their 
 Assembly " Senatulus;" the little or inferior Se- 
 nate. A bold thing to do, but I apprehend it was 
 only the single men who ventured to call it so. 
 Be this however as it may, the term seems to 
 have struck Erasmus, as one so proper, as to 
 induce him to affix it as a title to his Colloquy, 
 called in Latin Senatulus, aind in Greek yuyai- 
 xowvEfyjov, or the Council of Women. 
 
 As some short account of this Colloquy may 
 not be unamusing to certain of my fair readers,
 
 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 173 
 
 I shall (however clumsily) translate parts of it. 
 Those ladies who wear blue stockings will I hope 
 excuse me. 
 
 The principal Dramatis Personse are as follow. 
 Cornelia, Margareta, Perotta, Julia, and Catherina. 
 Cornelia opens the debate. " I augur well," says 
 she, " of the cause we have in hand, from your 
 coming together with such alacrity, and in such 
 numbers. It is unfit, that while the men are 
 daily engaged in public assemblies and councils, 
 we should sit at home, weaving and spinning, as 
 though we made no part of the Republic ; but 
 were merely designed for the amusement of the 
 male part of the creation, who will in time, if we 
 go on thus, scarcely allow us to be of the same 
 race. The wise King of Israel has declared, that 
 ' in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.' 
 Hence Bishops have their synods ; monks their 
 conventicles ; soldiers their councils of war ; 
 thieves their clubs and associations. Even ants 
 and emmets congregate. Of all the animals 
 upon earth, we women alone do never combine." 
 " Much oftener than becomes them," says Mar- 
 gareta. Cornelia complains of the interruption, 
 and proceeds. " I know that St. Paul would 
 have women keep silence in Churches, but
 
 174 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 
 
 Churches include men as well as women ; and 
 ours is an assembly purely female. If we were 
 expected to keep silence every where and for 
 ever, why has nature given us tongues full as vo- 
 luble as those of men, and voices not less sonorous 
 only theirs being rougher, is generally more 
 like the braying of asses but let us be careful 
 to proceed with all gravity and decorum in this 
 matter, lest the men should, as on another occa- 
 sion, call ours an inferior, insignificant assem- 
 bly, or bestow upon it even some more opprobri- 
 ous name, as they are but too ready to do, with 
 every thing in which we are concerned. Though 
 if we were to take strict account of their ways, 
 councils and assemblies, we should find them 
 more womanish than our own. Always quarrel- 
 ing ; no steadiness, no consistency ; Princes 
 constantly at war ; no agreement between the 
 people and their Priests, or the Priests and their 
 Bishops; many men, many minds, and all fickle 
 and inconstant as the wind ; state against state ; 
 city against city ; neighbour against neighbour. 
 Were the reins of government but once committed 
 to our hands, every thing I am persuaded would 
 go on better." But I cannot go through the 
 whole, it is too long for our purpose. It may
 
 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 175 
 
 be well however just to touch upon some of their 
 rules, and regulations, as a hint to other assem- 
 blies, public or private, male or female. The 
 first of these standing rules, then, was, I will 
 venture to call it, a very singular one ; namely, 
 that no married woman amongst them, should 
 mention her husband, by name, with too much 
 harshness or petulancy. In vain was it urged 
 that their husbands stood upon no such ceremo- 
 nies with them, in their public or private meet- 
 ings. All objections were overruled by this sen- 
 sible remark, that in defaming their husbands 
 they did discredit to themselves ; that, whatever 
 cause of complaint they might have, women did 
 in truth not, only totally depend upon the men, 
 but that their condition was infinitely more ex- 
 empt from labour and trouble, and consequently 
 the best of the two ; that in the improvement of 
 their affairs, and amassing of riches, the men 
 had often, even in peace time, to traverse land 
 and sea, at the very hazard of their lives, and if 
 war raged, to answer the call of the trumpet, 
 and take their station in the field of battle, while 
 their wives remained safe and secure at home ; 
 that as for bad husbands, it depended chiefly 
 upon themselves to render them in all instances
 
 176 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 
 
 kind and obliging. Finally, that though it might 
 be lawful for them to speak of their husbands 
 and even of their faults, in a general way, yet that 
 it should be " ea moderatione ut ne quid nimis," 
 with so much temperance and moderation, as to 
 avoid all excesses. 
 
 The second of their rules and regulations had 
 regard entirely to the order of their proceedings, 
 and the rank and precedence of their several 
 members, upon a consideration, that in most of 
 the male assemblies, a great deal of valuable time 
 had been wasted in adjusting such forms and 
 ceremonies ; three months at the least, before 
 the representatives of Kings, Princes, and Pon- 
 tiffs, would consent to enter upon business. It 
 was fixed that they should take place first accord- 
 ing to their rank, or degrees of Nobility ; which 
 degrees were limited to four, three, two, one, and 
 one half; that is, noble only on one side, whe- 
 ther paternal or maternal. Bastards ranked be- 
 low all legitimates. When they got quite below 
 the order of Nobility, those who had borne 
 most children were decidedly to rank first ; and 
 where there should be any equality of numbers, 
 age was to settle the difference. Those who had 
 borne no children were to go last. Widows who
 
 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 177 
 
 had borne children were to take place amongst 
 the other matrons, and those who were childless 
 to eo to the bottom. Erasmus liked to have a 
 
 O 
 
 slap at the Monks, and therefore assigned no 
 place to the wives of Monks &nd Ecclesiastics; but 
 as it would seem, made one regulation with re- 
 gard to them, by positively and peremptorily ex- 
 cluding all bad women. 
 
 A difficulty seems to have arisen in the assem- 
 bly, which might a little while ago, (if not still,) 
 have embarrassed ourselves, namely, how to dis- 
 tinguish people's ranks by their outward appear- 
 ance. Cornelia, the leading member, complains 
 greatly of the confusion into which things had 
 fallen ; that ' people dressed so, that the Noble 
 was no longer to be distinguished from the ple- 
 beian, the married from the unmarried; the ma- 
 tron from the courtezan! It is not uncommon 
 now, says she, to see females of the lowest sta- 
 tions of life, dressed out in their velvets, watered 
 tabbies, Jiowered vests, striped garments, lawns and 
 cambrics, gold and silver, furs, &c. &c. all the 
 while that their husbands are in their stalls 
 mendino- shoes. They load their fingers with 
 
 J 
 
 rings of diamonds and emeralds, (for pearls are 
 thought too common^ and have their sandals 
 
 VOL. II. N
 
 178 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 
 
 decorated with amber, coral, and abundance of 
 gilded ornaments ; in vain do the Nobles any 
 longer try to distinguish themselves from the 
 vulgar, by habits, decorations, and usages suit- 
 able to their birth and station, every thing is 
 immediately imitated by those of the plebeian 
 order, and the wife of the merchant or shop- 
 keeper disdains to be outdone by her who has in 
 her arms many quarterings of Nobility, and is 
 descended on both sides from parents of high 
 degree. 
 
 " Formerly those only that were noble were 
 admitted to kiss the ladies, nor was it every 
 body that the latter would honor so far. To 
 some they would scarcely condescend to offer so 
 much as their hand to be kissed ; now every 
 rude and ill-savored fellow, insists upon saluting 
 even her, whose shield is decorated with all the 
 ensigns of Nobility. Even in marriages, there 
 is no longer any regard shewn to the difference 
 of ranks. The Patricians match with the Ple- 
 beians, and the Plebeians with the Patricians, 
 whence we have a hybrid race thrown in upon us, 
 to our great confusion and discomfiture. Nor 
 do the most low-born scruple to adorn their per- 
 sons with the paints, perfumes, and decorations,
 
 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 179 
 
 which should be entirely appropriated to ladies 
 of rank. These things should be seen into, and 
 better regulated." 
 
 It was a question amongst them how they 
 should vote, and very judiciously determined 
 that it should not be by any division of the Se- 
 nate, but viva voce, in their places, lest by moving 
 about they should raise a dust with their long 
 petticoats. For divulging the secrets of the as- 
 sembly, every lady was condemned to a rigid 
 silence for the space of three days ! 
 
 The basis of their regulations as to their cir- 
 cumstances and condition in society, and amongst 
 the men, who had too long been allowed to con- 
 sider them as fit for little more than to be their 
 laundresses and cooks, was this ; that they 
 should freely leave to the men the discharge of 
 all magisterial duties, as well as the functions 
 of war; but that they should in future have a 
 voice in the placing and disposal of their chil- 
 dren, and perhaps claim fo take upon tftem by 
 turns some of the public offices. And that the 
 wife's arms, if she were more nobfe than h 1 ^ 
 husband, should not be driven as a matter of 
 course to the left side of the shield, as Katl fii- 
 therto been the case. I am glad to be aftle to 
 N 2
 
 180 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 
 
 terminate this digression with so regular a piece 
 of heraldry. 
 
 As however I began this section with some 
 points of law, regarding the sex, and raised a 
 question whether " the tongue were to be ac- 
 counted among those moveables" which are de- 
 cidedly subject to the will and power of the hus- 
 band, in a state of coverture, I cannot forbear 
 citing two odd cases I have discovered in the 
 history of a manor in Somersetshire ; Seaborough. 
 In the third year of the reign of Richard III. 
 two women, Isabella the wife of William Pery, 
 and Alianora Slade, were presented for common 
 scolds, and fined one penny each, which two pence 
 were the whole perquisites of the Court. And 
 at the same time, an order of the Court was made, 
 that the tenants of the manor should not scold 
 their wives, under pain of forfeiting their tene- 
 ments and cottages. Now this was all very well 
 and extremely fair, as apparently binding upon 
 both parties. But see the mischief of it ; at 
 least of the last order of the Court. In the 23d 
 year of Henry VII. the immediate successor of 
 Richard the Third, I find another order made 
 that the tenants' wives should not scold (their 
 husbands of course) under the penalty of a six
 
 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 181 
 
 and eight-penny Jim, half to go to the repairs of 
 the Chapel, and half to the Lord of the Manor. 
 So that in fact, it would appear, that by the re- 
 straint laid upon the husbands in the third of 
 Richard, the wives gained such an advantage 
 over them, as in the 23d of his successor, (i. e. 
 only 22 years afterwards) to render it absolutely 
 necessary to raise the fine for female scolding from 
 one penny to six shillings and eight pence ! ! Was 
 ever any thing like it ? I am entering now, I 
 am aware, upon one of the most hacknied topics 
 of banter and ridicule, in the whole history of 
 male and female foibles. Scolds and hen-pecked 
 husbands, have supplied food for the satirists, 
 essayists, journalists, poets, and prose-writers, 
 of all ages, (that is, if we may believe the Jews ;) 
 for the latter it seems have discovered that of all 
 the hen-pecked husbands in the world, Adam was 
 not only of necessity the first, but the worst; 
 having not merely, (as the common belief is) 
 been hoaxed or beguiled into submission, but ab- 
 solutely scolded and beaten into it. " For," 
 says a certain Jewish Rabbi upon Gen. iii. 12. 
 " by giving him of the tree is to be understood a 
 sound n'6-roasting ; that is to say, in plain Eng- 
 lish, Eve finding her husband unwilling to eat of
 
 182 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 
 
 the forbidden fruit, took a good crab-tree cudgel 
 and laboured his sides till he complied with her 
 will." I have fathered this strange comment 
 upon the Jews, though I must say, it is upon re- 
 cord that what the Jews taught, some Christians 
 have been weak enough to believe. Nay, did 
 not Milton believe it, when he introduced the 
 Squabbling Scene into his Paradise Lost, noticed 
 }n $e Tatler, 
 
 " Thus they in mutual accusation spent 
 
 The fruitless hours, but neither self condemning; 
 bud of t^eir vain contest, appear'^ no end.'' 
 
 However, it does seem extremely clear, from his- 
 tory, that the foible of terrmgancy, if not quite 
 so old as sin, is but a younger sister of that mo- 
 ther of all confusion Xantippe indeed was no 
 modern. By the fines imposed upon the ladies 
 of Somersetshire, I conclude the glories of the 
 Skimmington might be unknown there ; a cere-. 
 mony so very circumstantially described in Hu- 
 dibras (Canto ii. Part ii.) that I may wall be ex- 
 cused from entering too deeply into the subject ; 
 especially as Dr. Zachary Grey, in his notes, 
 has been at the pains to hunt out most of the 
 authors, vwho have treated of termagancy, among 
 whom, while we may reckon those incomparable
 
 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 183 
 
 moralists, the Editors of the Spectator, Tatkr, and 
 Guardian, I shall be quite contented with re- 
 ferring to those delightful Volumes, for all that 
 good sense, good humour, and good manners can 
 be expected to say upon it. Hudibras compared 
 the Skimmington to the Ovation of the ancients 
 in the following lines ; 
 
 " There is a lesser Profanation, 
 Like that the Romans call Ovation: 
 For as Ovation was allow'd 
 For Conquest purchas'd without blood; 
 So men decree those lesser shows, 
 For Victory gotten without blows, 
 By dint of sharp hard words, which some 
 Do battle with, and overcome." 
 
 Dr. Gra/ r in his notes, is determined that 
 every body should know what an Ovation is, by 
 references without end to classical writers, phi- 
 lologists, and antiquarians, but he has scarcely 
 been at the pains so much as to define the Skim- 
 mington, which was an ancient ceremony amongst 
 ourselves, intended to do honor, by a mock pro- 
 cession, to those ladies who governed their hus- 
 bands. So that instead of being fined, Mrs. 
 Pery, and Mrs. Alianora Slade of Seaborough, 
 ought to have had such a triumph awarded to
 
 184 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 
 
 them, and indeed if Mr. Nathaniel Henroost, (the 
 Spectator's correspondent No. 176) be right, a 
 greater triumph could scarcely be conceived, for 
 he does not scruple to say, that " the wise and 
 valiant in all ages have been hen-pecked." And 
 no wonder, if his calculations be right, for he 
 asserts that it is capable of demonstration, that 
 a man who does not indulge his wife in every 
 thing she desires, must consent to be uneasy for 
 a whole month, whenever he opposes her will, 
 that being the computed space of time which a 
 froward woman takes to come to herself if any 
 should have the courage to stand out ; which 
 of course, under such circumstances, no wise 
 man would do, for twelve contradictions would 
 go through the year. As to the valiant, " those 
 sturdy tempers," says he, " who are not slaves to 
 affection, owe" their exemption to their being en- 
 thralled by ambition, avarice, or some meaner 
 passion." Now, without deciding the particular 
 passions by which the valiant may be enthralled, 
 (for surely some of them are governed by ambi- 
 tion, and women too ; as Julius Caesar for instance 
 and Mark Antony became slaves to Cleopatra) 
 I must say I have scarcely ever found greater
 
 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 185 
 
 slaves to affection, than the truly valiant. Nor 
 shall I go out of my way to blame them for it 
 " Nobilitas sub amore jacet." 
 
 " Each Trojan that is master of his heart, 
 Let him to field Troilus alas ! hath none ! 
 O Pandarus ! I tell thee I am mad 
 In Cressid's Love !" 
 
 " I know not how," says Lord Bacon, " but 
 martial men are given to love. I think it is but 
 as they are given to wine, for perils commonly 
 ask to be paid in pleasures." 
 
 Mrs. Western, in Tom Jones, goes two steps 
 farther than Mr. Henroost, for she reckons 
 amongst women's slaves, not only the brave and 
 the wise, but -the witty and the polite. 
 
 But what shall we say to the following testi- 
 mony ? " You know that when women take a 
 thing into their head, they will go through with 
 it, and you must gratify them !" Buonaparte in 
 O'Meara's Voice from St. Helena. This cele- 
 brated personage made, it seems, many curious 
 observations on the sex, as follow : " Women 
 when they are bad, are worse than men, and 
 more ready to commit crimes." " Women are 
 always much better, or much worse than men." 
 " There is no accounting for the actions of a wo-
 
 186 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 
 
 man." " Women are necessary to civilize and 
 soften the other sex." " Conversation is never 
 so lively or so witty as when ladies take a part in 
 it." " When once a woman has la tete montee, 
 all the world will not prevent her attempting to 
 succeed in her designs." 
 
 There is an Italian proverb which might lead 
 one to suppose that female rule and government 
 were not desirable even in domestic concerns. 
 " Sta pur fresco, la casa dove la rocca commanda 
 alia spada ;" that house is in an ill case where 
 the distajf commands the sword. Our own Eng- 
 lish proverb only speaks of " the Grey Mare," 
 being " the better Horse :" which is as much as 
 to say the horse ought to be the stronger of the 
 two, though it is not always so. We all know 
 that not unseldom, either by nature or accident, 
 a horse in such circumstances is no better than 
 an ass then it is that the grey mare must need& 
 have the superiority. Richie Moniplies, in the 
 Fortunes of Nigel, had made his calculations 
 wisely enough before he married the rich but 
 withered Martha Trapbois ; " If she abides by 
 words," Sir Mungo, " I thank heaven I can be 
 as deaf as any one, and if she comes to dunts, I 
 have a hand to pack her with."
 
 LADIES PRIVILEGES. 
 
 " The grey mare' is (and ought to be, I think) 
 the " better horse," whenever the latter happens 
 to be of the breed of the Cot-queans ; (see Spec- 
 tator, IVo. 482.) Before I entirely quit the sub- 
 ject of termagaiicy, I cannot forbear transcribing 
 the following case, though I am no Methodist. 
 In Mr, Southey's Life of Wesley, he relates that 
 a number of them being carried before a Magis- 
 trate in Lincolnshire, their accusers had nothing 
 to allege against them, but that they pretended 
 to be better than other people, and prayed from 
 morning to night. Till, upon the Magistrate 
 asking, whether they had done nothing else, 
 " Yes, Sir," said an old man, " and please your 
 Worship, they have convarted my wife. Till 
 she went among them she had such a tongue ! 
 and now she is as quiet as a lamb :" " Carry 
 them back, carry them back," said the Magis- 
 trate, " let them convert all the scolds in the 
 town." 
 
 Though I hope I have shewn that I am not 
 disposed to debar the fair of any rights or pri- 
 vileges that they could enjoy with comfort or 
 credit to themselves, I am well persuaded that 
 the less they have to do with politics the better, 
 there being no way open for them, as it appears
 
 188 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 
 
 to me, to display (not merely their talents) but 
 their zeal and patriotism publicly or personally in 
 a dignified manner. Hudibras, whose party had 
 been so much beholden to the females, in his 
 rage against the burlesque and mockery of the 
 Skimmington, thus describes the support the 
 ladies of those days had given to the Saints ; 
 and which I shall shew to be as true as can be, 
 though coming from a poet. 
 
 " It is (that is the Skimming toil) an Antichristian Opera, 
 Much us'd in midnight times of Popery ; 
 Of running after self-inventions 
 Of wicked and profane intentions ; 
 To scandalize that sex, for scolding, 
 To whom the Saints are so beholden. 
 Women, who were oar first Apostles, 
 Without whose aid we had all been lost else ; 
 Women, that left no stone untnrn'd 
 In which the cause might be concern'd : 
 Brought in their children's spoons and whistles, 
 To purchase swords, carbines, and pistols; 
 Their husbands, cullies, and sweet-hearts, 
 To take the Saints and Churches parts ; 
 Drew several gifted brethren in, 
 That for the Bishops would have been, 
 And fix'd 'em constant to the party, 
 With motives pow'rful and hearty : 
 Their husbands robb'd, and made hard shifts 
 'I" administer unto their gifts, 
 All they could rap and rend and pilfer. 
 To scraps and ends of gold and silver .
 
 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 189 
 
 Kub!) d down the teachers, tir'd and spent, 
 With holding forth for Parliament ; 
 Pamper'd and edify'd their zeal, 
 With marrow puddings many a meal ; 
 Enabl'd them with store of meat, 
 On controverted points to eat ; 
 And cramm'd 'em, till their g ts did ache, 
 With cmcdle, custard, and plum-cake. 
 What have they done, or what left undone, 
 That might advance the cause at London ? 
 March'd rank and file with drum and ensign, 
 T' entrench the city for defence in ! 
 Rais'd rampiers with their own soft hands, 
 To put the enemy to stands ; 
 From ladies down to oyster wenches 
 Labour 'd like pioneers in trenches, 
 Fell to their pick-axes and tools, 
 And help'd the men to dig like moles ? 
 Have not the handmaids of the city 
 Chose of their members a Committee ? 
 For raising of a common purse 
 Out of their wages to raise horse ? 
 And do they not as triers sit, 
 To judge what officers are fit? 
 Have they at that an egg let fly, 
 Hit him directly o'er the eye ;" 
 &c. &c. &c. 
 
 Which abrupt interruption is sadly to be la- 
 mented, as it will compel us to have recourse to 
 prose for a more detailed account of their public 
 proceedings. Of their offerings and contribu-
 
 LADIES PRIVILEGES. 
 
 tions, we read that " the seamstress brought in 
 her silver thimble, the chambermaid her bodkin, 
 the cook her silver spoon," to the common treasury 
 of war. Some sort of females were freer in their 
 gifts, so far as to part with their rings and ear- 
 rings. They addressed the House of Commons, 
 Feb. 4, 1641, in a very great body, headed by 
 Anne Stag, a brewer's wife in Westminster. 
 Upon a false alarm, the city being ordered to be 
 fortified, women and children came to work, in 
 digging and carrying earth to make the fortifi- 
 cations. The city good wives and others, mind- 
 ful of their 'husbands and friends, sent many 
 cart loads of provisions and wines and good 
 things to Turnham Green, with which the sol- 
 diers were refreshed and made merry, on the 
 retreat of the King. It was the custom every 
 day to go out by thousands to dig ; all profes- 
 sions, trades and occupations taking their turns : 
 and not only inferior tradesmen, but gentlemen 
 and ladies themselves, for the encouragement of 
 others, carrying spades, mattock, and other im- 
 plements of digging. 
 
 Now whatever patriotism or godly zeal there 
 might be in all this, it is impossible to say the 
 ladies appear to any advantage ; there is a great
 
 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 191 
 
 want of dignity in their bringing thimbles and 
 bodkins and spoons, digging, wheeling wheelbarrows, 
 shouldering the mattock, and marching to the 
 sound of the drum. Any body I think would be 
 tempted to say, politics do not become them; 
 or, as 'Squire Western has said, " petticoats 
 should not meddle ;" and if, from what passed 
 in Hudibras' days, we descend to the French 
 revolution, I shall venture to say, we shall not 
 find the female character exalted by the personal 
 interference of the women in that great convul- 
 sion, from the meeting of the States General at 
 Versailles in 1789, to the abdication of Napo- 
 leon, or at the least to the end of the reign of 
 terror. What are we to think of such female 
 politicians, as Miss Williams has described in 
 the following paragraph of her tour to Switzer- 
 land ? " But the most singular species of 
 amusement, which the last ivinter produced (at 
 Paris) were subscription balls, entitled des bah 
 a la Victime. Such, and so powerful was the 
 rage for pleasure, (N.B. at the very period of 
 the reign of terror) that a certain number of its 
 votaries, who during the tyranny of Robespierre, 
 had lost their nearest relations on the scaffold, 
 instituted, not days of such solemn, sad com-
 
 192 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 
 
 memoration, as is dear to the superstition of 
 tenderness, when in melancholy procession, clad 
 in sable, and wreathed with cypress, they might 
 have knelt, a mourning multitude, around the 
 spot where the mutilated bodies of their mur- 
 dered parents had been thrown by the execu- 
 tioner ; and bathed the sod with those bitter 
 tears, which filial affection or agonized love shed 
 over the broken ties of nature, or of passion. 
 No ! The commemorative rites which these 
 mourners offered to the manes of their massacred 
 relations, were festive balls .! To these strange, 
 unhallowed orgies, no one could be admitted, 
 who had not lost a father, a mother, a husband, 
 a wife, a brother, or a sister on the guillotine ; 
 but any person with a certificate of their execution 
 in his (or her) pocket book, not only obtained- 
 admission, but might dance as long, and as 
 merrily as heart could wish. Had Holbein been 
 present at such a spectacle, no doubt he would 
 have enriched his death-dance with new images, 
 and led forward each gay nymph, by an attendant 
 headless spectre !" 
 
 At the very commencement of the revolution, 
 it was not uncommon to introduce the guillo- 
 tine as a plaything, and decapitate little confec-
 
 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 193 
 
 tionary figures, filled with a red fluid, assigning 
 to each the name of some persons adverse to 
 their party, and enjoying the representation of 
 the flowing of their blood ; many were known to 
 have suffered who had indulged themselves in 
 this barbarous sport. 
 
 To those who choose to rake into the terrific 
 and disgusting records, of the early part of the 
 French revolution, a thousand instances will 
 occur, which I need not repeat, of the horrid 
 depravation of the female heart, in those sad 
 days of anarchy, confusion, and blood-thirsty 
 revenge ; but as many instances also might be 
 found of the most heroic fortitude, and dignified 
 submission, amongst the victims and sufferers, I 
 shall leave the one to balance the other, in the 
 estimate we would form, of the general tendency 
 of political struggles, to exalt or debase those of 
 the sex, who may be induced or compelled to 
 bear their part in them ; only observing that, 
 without compulsion, they had better take no part 
 in them. What can be the meaning and precise 
 bearing of the following passage in Mr. O'Meara's 
 Voice from St. Helena? Surely Napoleon must 
 have been humbugging Mons. le Docteur, or have 
 been grievously humbugged himself'. " The 
 
 VOL. II. O
 
 194 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 
 
 " Police," said he, (that is Bonaparte) " had in 
 pay many English spies, some of high quality, 
 amongst whom there were many ladies. There 
 was one lady in particular, of very high rank, 
 who furnished considerable information, and was 
 sometimes paid so high as 3000/. a month." 
 
 The following Extract from Butler's Remi- 
 niscences, 1822, sect. xxxi. 5. does more justice 
 to our English Ladies. 
 
 " But while the dissemination of useful and 
 ornamental knowledge among persons of every 
 rank in this country is generally mentioned, it 
 would be wrong not to take particular notice of 
 its extensive diffusion amongst the purest and 
 gentlest portion of the community. " Women," 
 says Fenelon, " were designed, by their native 
 elegance and softness, to endear domestic life 
 to man, to make virtue lovely to children, to 
 spread around them order and grace, and to give 
 to society its highest polish. 
 
 " How generally and in what a high degree these 
 attainments are possessed by the daughters of 
 Albion, all persons must have observed, to whom 
 opportunities of observing it have been given, 
 and who have availed themselves of them. Even 
 in the learned languages and the abstruse sci-
 
 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 195 
 
 ences, several are respectably informed. Those, 
 to whom the best writers of their own country, 
 and the best in the French and Italian languages 
 are familiar, are numerous ; few are so scantily 
 instructed as not to listen with pleasure and ad- 
 vantage to the conversation of men of learning 
 and taste. It is rare to find among them one, 
 who does not express herself both in conversa- 
 tion and upon paper, with correctness and taste. 
 " With all their accomplishments, 
 
 ' Hide me from day's garish eye,' 
 
 MILTON. 
 
 seems to be their almost universal wish. A 
 Frenchman once triumphantly asked the Remi- 
 niscent whether any English lady could have 
 written, the ' Considerations sur les prindpaux 
 evenemens de I'Europe,' of Madame de Stael, a 
 work certainly of extraordinary merit. The wri- 
 ter believes there are many ; but that there are 
 none who would have written the pages of egotism 
 with which it abounds." 
 
 The Ladies of England have indeed of late 
 years asserted one privilege, which in former 
 days, seems not only to have been questioned, 
 but positively denied to them. I mean the privi- 
 lege of passing for intellectual beings. The pri- 
 o2
 
 196 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 
 
 vilege of exercising their excellent faculties, ,on 
 things worthy of their power, and strength. 
 Ladies in general are much better educated now 
 than they were a century ago, though there is 
 still room for improvement in many instances, 
 though not in all. It would appear that trifles 
 have still too much attention paid to them, in 
 comparison with what is solid and durable. I 
 shall beg leave to explain myself by a few ex- 
 tracts from a paper in one of the early Numbers 
 of the Edinburgh Review, in which it appears to 
 me, that in earnestly recommending the cultiva- 
 tion of the female understanding, a very just dis- 
 tinction is drawn between the total exclusion of 
 the sex from intellectual pursuits, and that ex- 
 travagant attention to study and literary acquire- 
 ments, which might too much detach them from 
 such businesses and occupations, as must always 
 strictly and peculiarly belong to females : I 
 mean the care of their families and households, 
 and the very important concerns of domestic 
 economy. " If the objections against the better 
 education of females could be over-ruled, one of 
 the great advantages that would ensue, would be 
 the extinction of innumerable follies, a decided 
 and prevailing taste for one or another mode of
 
 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 197 
 
 education there must be : a century past it was 
 for housewifery ; now it is too much for accom- 
 plishments. The object now is to make women 
 artists; to give them an excellence in drawing, 
 music, painting, and dancing ; of which, persons 
 who make these pursuits the occupation of their 
 lives, and derive from them their subsistence, 
 need not be ashamed. Now one great evil of 
 all this is, that it does not last. If the whole of 
 life, as somebody says, were an Olympic game, 
 if we could go on feasting and dancing to the end, 
 this might do; but this is merely a provision for 
 the little interval between coming into life, and 
 settling in it ; while it leaves a long and dreary 
 expanse behind, devoid both of dignity and 
 cheerfulness. This system of female education 
 aims only at embellishing a few years of life, 
 which are themselves so full of grace and happi- 
 ness, that they hardly want it ; and then leaves 
 the rest of existence a miserable prey to idle in- 
 significance. No woman of understanding and 
 reflection can possibly conceive she is doing 
 justice to her children by such kind of educa- 
 tion. The object is, to give to children resources 
 that will endure as long as life endures ; habits that 
 time will ameliorate, not destroy ; occupations
 
 198 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 
 
 that will render sickness tolerable, solitude plea- 
 sant, age venerable, life more dignified and use- 
 ful, and therefore death less terrible. But the 
 greatest error is, the making these things the 
 grand and universal object. To insist upon it that 
 every woman is to sing, and draw, and dance 
 with nature or against nature to bind her ap- 
 prentice to some accomplishment, and if she can- 
 not succeed in oil or water colours, to prefer 
 gilding, varnishing, burnishing, box-making, or 
 shoe-making, (now rapidly going out of fashion) 
 to real and solid improvement in taste, knowledge, 
 and understanding." " One of the most agree- 
 able consequences of knowledge is the respect 
 and importance which it communicates to old 
 age. Women too often hazard every thing upon 
 oue cast of the die ; when youth is gone, all is 
 gone ; no human creature gives his admiration 
 for nothing : either the eye must be charmed, or 
 the understanding gratified: a woman must talk 
 wisely or look well : every human being must 
 put up with the coldest civility, who has neither 
 the charms of youth nor the wisdom of age." 
 >MI>II" The pursuit of knowledge is the most in- 
 nocent and interesting occupation which can be 
 given to the female sex : nor can there be a bet-
 
 LADIES' PRIVILEGES. 199 
 
 ter method of checking a spirit of dissipation, 
 
 than by diffusing a taste for literature." 
 
 " We conceive the labour and fatigue of accom- 
 plishments to be quite equal to the labour and 
 fatigue of knowledge ; and that it takes quite as 
 many years to be charming, as it does to be 
 learned" 
 
 That I may the better appropriate these excel- 
 lent observations, I shall beg leave to remark, 
 that since nature indisputably appears to have 
 been as bountiful of understanding to the one 
 sex as to the other, there cannot well be a greater 
 anomaly in the order and arrangement of civil 
 society, than that while every endeavour is 
 making to advance, improve, perfect, and find 
 occupation for the talents of men, the intellectual 
 improvement of women should be considered to 
 be a matter of such subordinate importance, as 
 to be, in a great variety of instances, not merely 
 grossly neglected, but absolutely and systema- 
 tically obstructed : as, however, great improve- 
 ments have undoubtedly taken place in the edu- 
 cation of females, and especially in the cultiva- 
 tion of their understandings, of late years, we 
 do not despair of their soon attaining, pretty 
 generally, their proper rank in society.
 
 OLD MAIDS. 
 
 I BELIEVE every body will admit that the words 
 placed at the head of this section, constitute a 
 proper English title, not granted by letters pa- 
 tent, much less entailed on any heirs, but de- 
 scriptive of a certain class of persons, more or 
 less entitled to honor and respect, or, (I grieve 
 to say,) obloquy and reproach, as members of 
 society. I shall beg leave first to object to the 
 term OLD; they cannot be old without having 
 been young ; and therefore it is an expletive 
 quite unnecessary ; they are persons unmarried 
 at a certain age, and we have no right to say 
 more of them ; it is quite impertinent to invent 
 an epithet that may convey wrong ideas. Old 
 women of all descriptions must once have been 
 young ; but some happen not to have been 
 wedded to husbands in their passage through 
 life. Has this been their fault? perhaps quite 
 the contrary. Perhaps they may have had the 
 choice of many husbands, and their present iso- 
 lated unconnected state may be entirely owing
 
 OLD MAIDS. 201 
 
 to themselves. And if so, it may also be, that 
 their refusal of husbands, in their younger days, 
 ought to redound greatly to their credit at a 
 more advanced period. Let us suppose all old 
 maids young. The chances are that when young 
 some may have been handsome without fortune, 
 some very rich but not handsome, some may 
 have been plain but wise, some pretty but ex- 
 ceedingly foolish. In every case offers may 
 have been made so unsuitable, that their very 
 rejection of such offers, ought to be recorded 
 in golden letters, in testimony of their supe- 
 rior judgment, discretion, or understanding. A 
 person of fortune, even if she were handsome, 
 might very, justly suspect, that her money had 
 too great a share in the attraction, and on this 
 ground alone, if she were to demur, who could 
 blame her ? on the contrary, if she were beau- 
 tiful without fortune, who could blame a woman 
 for declining matrimony, where the attractions 
 might afterwards be found to have been merely 
 external, personal, transitory, and vain ? If in 
 her younger days she were plain but wise, she 
 may have very reasonably refused all offers, so 
 few are found to marry for the sake of the mind 
 only ; if she were pretty but foolish, perhaps
 
 202 OLD MAIDS. 
 
 she may have trifled with love, overstood her 
 market, and grown old imperceptibly. At all 
 events, and under all possible circumstances, I 
 see no reason for regarding an unmarried wo- 
 man at a certain age, as an object of ridicule, or 
 contempt ; on the contrary, I conceive there are 
 constantly many chances of her being intrinsi- 
 cally quite the contrary. And I am the more 
 anxious to say this, because as far as my own 
 experience goes, there are in this kingdom pro- 
 bably no persons more respectable than some 
 OLD MAIDS, as they are rudely called. They 
 are almost invariably of a religious turn ; pru- 
 dent, discreet, and having so much occasion to 
 shift for themselves, of rather a manly under- 
 standing. Many I have known extremely cha- 
 ritable, even to the utmost of their means ; and 
 after all, is it not a thousand times better to have 
 NQ HUSBAND, than either a weak or a tyranni- 
 cal one ? 
 
 The title must have been invented by men, and 
 I think they would have shewn their wisdom 
 more, by avoiding such a dilemma, as they must 
 be brought to, if any unmarried lady of a cer- 
 tain age, or old maid, were to turn upon them 
 and say, I am only such, because when young,
 
 OLD MAIDS. 203 
 
 I never could find a man worthy to be my hus- 
 band. 
 
 Marriages they say, are " made in heaven ;" 
 if so, old maids probably are going to the very 
 place where they are made, and have therefore 
 chances still before them. But it is also said I 
 know, and upon much higher authority, that in 
 heaven, they neither marry nor are given in mar- 
 riage ; if this be so, old maids in heaven will be 
 exactly in their proper sphere and I heartily 
 wish them that good luck. I cannot see why 
 young maids are obliged to accept every man, or 
 any man that offers ; nor can I see, upon the 
 same grounds, why an old maid is to be reproved 
 for not havi-ng accepted even so much as any 
 man that did offer. But perhaps, no man offered ! 
 What difference does this make? Perhaps all 
 the good were attached elsewhere, and none of 
 the bad dared to offer themselves to so discreet 
 a person. 
 
 Hitherto I have proceeded without any re- 
 course to Heraldry; but I shall now revert to 
 the principal subject of my book. Oftentimes 
 we meet with unmarried ladies, possessed of 
 large territorial possessions either born to such 
 an inheritance, or coming to it, by the common
 
 204 OLD MAIDS. 
 
 accidents of life. In such cases, I think it would 
 be well, if His MAJESTY, of his gracious good- 
 ness, would offer them rank, unless entitled to 
 it by birth. Without some personal rank or 
 title, what a strange situation must such rich 
 heiresses occupy in general society. Every mar- 
 ried woman will have a right to expect to go 
 before them, and in some instances, (as I would 
 hope,) such a preference will be burthensome and 
 painful, even to those who might justly claim it; 
 especially if the lady of fortune be careful to in- 
 sist upon retaining her proper place as an unmar- 
 ried woman. 
 
 But this is nothing to what I have further to 
 state in defence or support of my proposition. 
 Rank, high rank, granted to such persons, (where 
 there are no glaring objections,) might place 
 them above all the offers of needy and adventurous 
 Nobility. It might at the same time render 
 them more fit objects, of the suit and addresses, 
 of the highest and best endowed Nobility, and 
 at all events could only give them that degree 
 of independence, which their property alone ought 
 to secure to them, and that station in society, 
 which in the other sex, the property itself would 
 in a great measure ensure to them ; with greater
 
 OLD MAIDS. 205 
 
 privileges still to the latter, since no lady, after 
 all, and according to the present constitution 
 of things, could exercise the elective franchise, 
 
 O * 
 
 much less become a representative. On these 
 accounts, as well as on many others, I really 
 think, a female possessed of large landed pro- 
 perty, ought to be in some degree ennobled, 
 especially, when experience teaches us, that ac- 
 cording to the ordinary course of things, there 
 are not to be found, in the whole compass of 
 his Majesty's dominions, persons more entirely 
 respectable, exemplary, charitable, liberal and 
 good, than single ladies of large property, whether 
 widows, or what are commonly called old maids 
 and those even who have no great property, are 
 generally I think much the same, according to 
 their means. It may be, that the property of 
 single ladies may have descended to them from 
 Peers of the realm, or that such may be in the 
 line of succession. I know instances of both. 
 But at all events the rank granted would be only 
 personal. It is in his Majesty's power for in- 
 stance, to grant the rank of an Earl's daughter 
 to whom he pleases ; and I have known that 
 rank given upon grounds far less reasonable, if 
 not, in one instance at least that shall be name-
 
 206 OLD MAIDS. 
 
 less, upon very exceptionable grounds. I do not 
 however by any means presume to interfere with 
 the prerogative, far from it. But I hope I shall 
 rather be thought to pay it great respect, in 
 venturing to point out some occasions, on which 
 it might not only be most innocently exercised, 
 but rather to the behoof and advantage of so- 
 ciety in general, as well as of particular indivi- 
 duals. 
 
 At some period or other, unmarried ladies 
 generally take to themselves a title, viz. the title 
 of Mrs. and why not ? is it not to be understood 
 as plainly declaring that they are wedded vide- 
 licet, to a single life ; and what old bachelor could 
 deny them the choice? The former can only 
 have had to refuse the offers of men ; the latter 
 may have had to sustain the refusal of the ladies. 
 What a difference ! 
 
 Spinster is a name for unmarried ladies, which 
 might do them some credit. It betokened ori- 
 ginally an indispensable qualification for mar- 
 riage, which could be pleaded only by the in- 
 dustrious and frugal. It was a maxim in short 
 amongst our ancestors, that a young woman 
 should never be married until she had spun her- 
 self a set of body, bed, and table linen. The very
 
 OLD MAIDS. 207 
 
 arms of a Spinster have been thought to betoken 
 this ; the lozenge of unmarried ladies, having 
 been supposed to take its origin from the spindle 
 of yarn used in spinning ; though Guillim, after 
 Plutarch, is rather disposed to find in it a re- 
 semblance to the shields of the Amazons. 
 
 So much for the title of Spinster. Bachelor, 
 which is opposed to it, is of much more doubtful 
 origin ; but what shall we say of the term Cele- 
 bate, (or Celibate,) which according to our Dic- 
 tionaries is held to signify " Bachelorship." I 
 scarcely dare state that it is thought to express, 
 " Codi Beatitudo" the blessedness of Heaven ! 
 I hope the ladies will excuse me, but indeed 
 they are mere words, and at all events the title of 
 Benedict assigned to a married man, seems to 
 bring things even. 
 
 There is, in Dr. Jamieson's Etymological Dic- 
 tionary, a very odd account given of the term 
 " Husband." It seems that after many curious 
 researches into its original Anglo-Saxon mean- 
 ing, the Dr. was able satisfactorily to declare, 
 that it did not necessarily include any idea of 
 bondage I 
 
 Our modern unmarried ladies, I am happy to 
 say, for the credit of the national gallantry, are
 
 208 OLD MAIDS. 
 
 by no means so shackled by the restraints of 
 Heraldry, as appears to have been the case in 
 former days. Not to go so far back as to the 
 time of Plutarch, who in his treatise on Nobility 
 (ysreg suyevsiaf) has a good deal very much to the 
 purpose, under the feudal system, yeomen, mer- 
 chants, burgesses, Sac. were not only accounted in 
 their own persons, " unnoble, ungentle, and in- 
 capable of bearing arms," but if any gentleman 
 holding by the noble service of Knighthood, mar- 
 ried the daughter of any of the above, " though 
 she was formed" (says Feme) " of a most excel- 
 lent proportion of body, her years tender, her 
 portion rich, yet for all this it would be a dis- 
 paragement." But the reason he gives is quite 
 abominable. " For," says he, " it is the un- 
 equal coupling the clean ox with the unchaste 
 ass !" 
 
 How much better are things managed now : 
 the merchant's or burgess's daughter may marry 
 as high as she pleases, nay, with only one third 
 part of the endowments Feme mentions ; for if 
 " her portion" be but " rich," her body may be, 
 I will venture to suggest, of any proportion, and 
 her years any thing but tender. According to 
 the liberality of modern heraldry, she may wed,
 
 OLD MAIDS. 209 
 
 if she choose, a Knight, Baronet, Baron, Vis- 
 count, Earl, Marquess, or Duke ; any of their 
 sons, sons' sons, nephews or remote relatives, not 
 only without let or impediment, but with no 
 small coaxing and encouragement, on the part 
 of our condescending Nobles. True it is indeed 
 that such may still constitute only black-pudding 
 matches, according to the witty saying of Jack 
 Roberts, recorded by Lord Bacon in his learned 
 Apothegms : " There was a marriage made," says 
 he, " between a widow of great wealth, and a 
 gentleman of great house, that had no estate or 
 means. Jack Roberts said, that marriage was 
 like a black pudding ; the one brought blood, and 
 the other suet and oatmeal ;" but to proceed. 
 The same may be said of the daughter of any 
 rich yeoman, but especially a yeoman of Kent, 
 (bating these bad times) according tb the old 
 saying, which has some touch of heraldry in it ; 
 
 " A Knight of Cales, a Gentleman of Wales, 
 
 And a Laird of the North Countrie ; 
 The Yeoman of KENT, with his yearly rent, 
 Will weigh them out all three." 
 
 As to merchants, citizens, and burgesses, they 
 may be generally said now, to have two ranks. 
 Eastern and western for instance, accordino- to 
 
 9 
 
 VOL. II. P
 
 210 OLD MAIDS. 
 
 the bearings of the Metropolis, the east and west 
 ends of that enormous city being admirably cal- 
 culated to exemplify the difference. Those, who 
 in the east, till about five or six o'clock P.M. 
 appear there as mere tradesmen, merchants, citi- 
 zens, &c. become after those hours, at the WEST 
 end, Esquires, Knights, Baronets, and I know 
 not what ; their wives, eldest sons, daughters, &o. 
 having continued due west the whole time, with- 
 out taking a glimpse at the east, or contracting 
 any eastern manners, though not altogether per- 
 haps without some oriental distinctions, in the 
 way of dress or furniture. Now in this busy, 
 happy, industrious, plodding nation, I hold all 
 this to be extremely fair and proper, and hope 
 therefore that no heraldry will interrupt it ; 
 though what I say of the Metropolis, may not 
 apply universally. 
 
 It is well when disparity of rank and disparity 
 of fortune can be brought to some compromise 
 in the adjustment of marriages ; for where either 
 of them becomes an invincible obstacle to the 
 union of tender souls, it is generally a most 
 dreadful tyrant, and stands upon no ceremonies. 
 The following is said to be a literal translation 
 of a letter from Rome, which appeared as an
 
 OLD MAIDS. 211 
 
 article of intelligence in the Mercwio de Espana 
 for the month of December, 1786. " In this 
 capital (Rome) we have just now witnessed an 
 event, which has drawn tears from every body 
 here. It is five years since a young gentleman 
 of the family Amadei, married an amiable and 
 virtuous young woman he loved, but whose birth 
 was not equal to his. At the end of one year 
 they had a daughter as the fruit of their love ; 
 but this tender union was in a short time cruelly 
 disturbed by the parents and relations of the 
 gentleman, who exclaimed against his marriage 
 as clandestine, and obtained against the un- 
 happy young man an order of the Pope, by vir- 
 tue of which they tore him from the arms of his 
 spouse, and conducted him as a prisoner to the 
 castle of St. Angelo. A process was immedi- 
 ately instituted for annulling the marriage. The 
 gentleman tried every means possible to prove 
 that his marriage was valid, and to make it be 
 ratified ; his wife also went with her daughter 
 in her arms, and threw herself at the feet of the 
 Judges ; but in vain. A sentence was at last 
 pronounced, annulling the marriage, obliging the 
 mother, that inconsolable wife, to write to her 
 husband with her own hand, the fatal news of 
 .p2
 
 212 OLD MAIDS. 
 
 their separation. Oppressed with the most cruel 
 despair, she thus wrote to him : ' I find myself 
 under the cruel necessity of renouncing those 
 sweet and sacred bands, which till now have 
 held our hearts firmly united ; but I resign my- 
 self with less repugnance, from the consideration 
 that it will be the means of terminating that 
 long and severe captivity which you have suf- 
 fered for my sake. Live free, dear husband, 
 (this, alas ! is the last time that my lips will 
 pronounce so sweet a name :) O live ! take com- 
 fort : and if it be possible live happy, far from 
 me. Since you love the mother, remember the 
 daughter which she has given to you, and take 
 care of her when you know that I no longer 
 exist: for the grief which this separation causes 
 me is so bitter, so penetrating, and absorbs in 
 such a manner the faculties of my soul, that I 
 want strength to resist it. Very soon I shall 
 cease to live ; may my death satiate the inhuma- 
 nity of our cruel persecutors ! God bless you. 
 Farewell! Farewell! forever!' Four days af- 
 terwards this unhappy and tender wife died in 
 horrible convulsions ; and her death set her 
 husband at liberty, whose despair has not yet 
 been calmed."
 
 OLD MAIDS. 213 
 
 There are some fine touches of nature on dis- 
 parity of rank, as an impediment to marriage, in 
 Shakespeare's " All's well that ends well ;" but 
 disparity of fortune is often as mischievous in 
 this way as disparity of rank. The following is 
 said to be quite as true a story as the one I 
 have just introduced, and a far less dismal one. 
 " Captain Pownal, who distinguished himself in 
 the American war, and Captain Sawyer, had 
 agreed to share with each other the. amount of 
 whatever prize-money either might separately 
 gain by captures. Putting in at Lisbon, they 
 
 paid their addresses to the Miss M s, and as 
 
 far as inclination went, were favorably received 
 by the ladies : but their father, a merchant of 
 immense property, although sensible of their 
 personal merit, objected to their want of for- 
 tune, and desired that they would relinquish all 
 thoughts of continuing their courtship, until 
 they should become more affluent. Soon after 
 the lucrative division of the prize-money, gained 
 by the capture of the Hermione, had made a more 
 favorable change in their circumstances, the 
 earthquake happened at Lisbon, and Mr. M. lost 
 all his property. The generous commanders im- 
 mediately repaired to Lisbon ; where, yielding
 
 214 OLD MAIDS. 
 
 to the full and noble gratification of love and 
 friendship, they settled an annuity on the father, 
 and desired the daughters to accept their hands 
 in marriage. The request was complied with, 
 and mutual felicity became the consequence." 
 
 Now these two young ladies, amiable and at- 
 tractive as they must have been, evidently in- 
 curred two great chances of dying old maids ; 
 first, through their father's great fortune, which 
 made them too rich for ordinary admirers ; and 
 secondly, from the earthquake at Lisbon, which 
 made them too poor for any but such extra- 
 ordinary admirers, as the generous and disin- 
 terested Captains, whose names have been so 
 handsomely recorded. And how can we tell 
 whether half the unmarried ladies we know, may 
 not have been the victims of such impediments 
 to marriage, notwithstanding attractions of the 
 very first rate in the days of their youth ? There 
 is something so impertinent in concluding it to 
 be otherwise, without any just knowledge of 
 circumstances, that though the title may be too 
 established a one to be done away, I hope I may 
 have done something to procure more respect to 
 be paid to it, in time to come. 
 
 There is one way of becoming an old maid, of
 
 OLD MAIDS. 215 
 
 which it may be well to apprize young maids, 
 because they are very often rather the acces- 
 saries than the principals in the attacks medi- 
 tated or attempted ; I mean, the plan of going 
 a-fishing for husbands ; in which, though there 
 may be a great deal of nibbling, not one perhaps 
 of all that meddle with the bait, may be found 
 to gorge the hook. Now to take so much trou- 
 ble, and have such bad sport, must in the nature 
 of things be so vexatious and mortifying, to 
 those who miss their prey upon these occasions, 
 that I trust I shall be forgiven for holding out a 
 beacon for these fishers of men, that may save 
 some at least from disappointment. I shall not 
 stop to discuss the merits of the lines them- 
 selves, the purport of them is intelligible enough. 
 The motto of the poem, which in fact appeared 
 not long ago, in the public papers, whence it is 
 extracted, being, 
 
 POUR PRENDRE CONGE. 
 
 " In vain for three seasons each art has been tried, 
 I still am unwed, and unwed must abide ; 
 In vain hare my mother and I, every night, 
 Tried to gudgeon the men but the flats will not bite ; 
 Sad, sad is my fate, every scheme has miscarried, 
 I was twenty last Christmas, and still am unmarried !
 
 216 OLD MAIDS. 
 
 IB vain to our dinners were dozens invited, 
 
 And scores with oar parties at night were delighted ; 
 
 Ah ! was it for this that I song till my throat 
 
 Grew so hoarse not an ear could distinguish a note, 
 
 (Though of course every hearer pronounc'd it divine, 
 
 That the words were so charming, the music so fine !) 
 
 Oh ! was it for this that I danc'd each quadrille, 
 
 With a fairy-like grace, and a Paris-taught skill ? 
 
 That I lost all my roses by keeping late hours, 
 
 Till now I must cull some from Ackerman's bowers? 
 
 Oh ! horrid ! three months dear Sir Thomas I thought 
 
 In my snares, a rich treasure at last had been caught ; 
 
 Every morning his Tilbury whisk'd me along, 
 
 In the evening he sought me all others among ; 
 
 My partner when dancing, companion when still, 
 
 The page at my beck, and the slave of my will. 
 
 To carry my fan, oh ! how happy was he ! 
 
 How delighted he seem'd when he sweeten'd my tea ! 
 
 When I sung, with what ardour enraptnr'd he listen'd, 
 
 When I smil'd, what delight in his eyes ever glisten 'd ! 
 
 Oh ! Sir Thomas, Sir Thomas, may grief be my lot 
 
 For the whole of next winter, if thon art forgot ! 
 
 Mamma too, dear creature, how kindly she plann'd 
 
 Fresh schemes to entice, to propose for my hand ! 
 
 To-day 'twas a dinner her dishes were eat up ; 
 
 To-morrow a rout the best she could get up ; 
 
 The dinner was eat, and the rout it was over, 
 
 But alas ! not an offer was made by my lover ! 
 
 Every ball in the country was grac'd by our faces, 
 
 Corporation, Election, Assizes, and Races ; 
 
 What money we spent at the play-house, where often 
 
 I fancied fair Juliet my lover might soften ! 
 
 And that fiction might help to promote declaration 
 
 But alas ! all on earth is but grief and vexation ;
 
 OLD MAIDS. 217 
 
 After ail our endeavours, and plots, and advances, 
 Routs, dinners, wines, dishes, songs, music, and dances, 
 One morn, on returning from calls unexpected 
 His card, on the table I found, but connected 
 Three grief-speaking letters two P's and a C, 
 Rear'd their forms, as in mockery of love and of me." 
 
 

 
 SERVANTS. 
 
 THESE are titles of distinction betokening cer- 
 tain ranks in society, and not therefore beyond 
 the scope of my undertaking; though I shall not 
 find perhaps very much to say about them. 
 
 Demoralization is a long hard word which has 
 lately been a good deal obtruded upon us, as 
 expressive of the change that has taken place 
 lately, not only in the actual morals or manners 
 of the lower orders of people, but in their feel- 
 ings. The poor are become, through the unfor- 
 tunate operation of laws, made expressly for 
 their behoof, a dissatisfied, restless, complaining 
 class of persons, careless of doing any thing for 
 themselves, and never quite satisfied with what 
 others do for them. Servants have become 
 careless of their master's interests, neglectful of 
 their own, prone to change, unsteady, and eager 
 to resent every trifling order that does not seem
 
 SERVANTS, &C. 219 
 
 exactly to accord with the strict letter of their 
 original compact. I do not say, there are no 
 exceptions : far from it ; but such is the general 
 aspect of things. Is there any anomaly to be 
 traced here, any thing irregular and inconsistent 
 with what we might be led to expect, in these 
 times, from persons in such situations ? If the 
 upper and the lower orders of society do not go 
 on together so well as they used to do, is it 
 owing to any political change of condition or 
 circumstances, palpably detrimental to both or 
 either of the parties ? Far from it. Here is the 
 anomaly. Every thing has been done to favor 
 the improvement of both classes, and yet bad 
 management has not only rendered such changes 
 abortive as to their proper and expected fruits, 
 but turned them almost into curses. 
 
 We must all know that there were times when 
 the lower classes, even of these nations, were in 
 such a state of subjection to the will ot their 
 superiors, as to be no more independent of the 
 latter, than the cattle in their stalls, the sheep 
 in their folds, or the dogs that hunted down 
 their prey. True it is, subjected as they were, 
 they were still superior to the cattle, sheep, and 
 dogs, inasmuch as they were endowed more or
 
 220 SERVANTS, &C. 
 
 less with reason, the distinguishing faculty of 
 man. What then did reason do for them that 
 it did not set them free, is a clear case ; did it 
 then, let me ask, render them restless, discon- 
 tented, treacherous, saucy, unfaithful, dishonest, 
 disobedient? or did it render them as patiently 
 submissive as the cattle in the stalls ? as meek 
 and inoffensive as the sheep in the folds ? as 
 faithful, active, alert, and indefatigable in the 
 service of their Lords, as the dogs, their asso- 
 ciates, or at all events, their fellow servants ? 
 I cannot help believing from the little I know 
 of history, that the latter was the case. And 
 if so, what a strange anomaly is it, to find 
 that all that has passed since, to ameliorate 
 the condition of the lower classes, to raise and 
 elevate them in the order of society, to secure 
 them from oppression, and render them free, 
 should have only tended to make them more 
 restless and discontented, than they formerly 
 were, when they wore the trammels of slavery 
 and yet God forbid we should put such tram- 
 mels upon them again. I only want to examine 
 a little into the anomaly I have pointed out, that 
 we may be able to judge how the present state 
 of things can have arisen out of the very im-
 
 SERVANTS, &C. 221 
 
 provements that have taken place ; for when we 
 know the cause of any malady or grievance, we 
 must be rather more in the way of finding a 
 remedy. First however I am sensible that I 
 ought to shew, why I conceive, that the course 
 of things was better both in regard to superiors 
 and dependents, in former days than at present, 
 that they were more attached to each other ; and 
 consequently, more united by principle and feel- 
 ing, than can be said to be the case now ; and 
 that it is the want of this uniting principle and 
 feeling at this time that makes all the difference, 
 and renders a connection, equally necessary to 
 both parties, more frequently a source of uneasi- 
 ness and disquietude, than, as it might be, a last- 
 ing bond of comfort and satisfaction. 
 
 In casting back our views then, to those times, 
 when the domestics and dependents of our great 
 feudal lords, were, as to proprietorship, mere 
 goods and chattels, to be employed or disposed 
 of just as their lords chose, I find cases that 
 plainly prove, in my estimation, not only that 
 such lords and masters were well and faithfully 
 served, but that the latter were capable of requit- 
 ing such services, in a way that bespoke not only 
 a considerable degree of benevolence, but of per-
 
 222 SERVANTS, &C. 
 
 sonal attachment. Nobody, for instance, would 
 think of bequeathing to any friend or favourite, 
 such a horrible nuisance and incumbrance, as a 
 bad servant ; a saucy, impertinent, disobedient, 
 dishonest, or unfaithful labourer or domestic? 
 What then are we to think of the following clause 
 in the will of the Lady Wynfleda or Wynji&d, to 
 be found in the Preface to Hickes's Anglo-Saxon 
 Grammar. " Of those theowan men at Cinnuc, 
 I bequeath to Eadbold, Ceolstan the son of 
 Elstan, and the son of EfFa, and Burwhyn Mcer- 
 tin; and I bequeath to Eadgyfu, JElfslige the 
 Cook, and Tefl the daughter of Wereburga, and 
 Herestan and his wife, and Ecelm and his wife 
 and their child, and Cynestan, and Wynsige, and 
 the son of Bryhtric, and Edwyn, and the son of 
 Bunel, and the daughter of ^Elfwer." 
 
 If it be said, that being attached to the land, 
 the men and women belonging to it would ne- 
 cessarily be bequeathed away as parts of it, whe- 
 ther good or bad, I must insist upon the particu- 
 larity of the above clauses. I know they were 
 often disposed of in a lump, as in the case even 
 of an Archbishop. " I give," says he, " such 
 land to an abbey with ten oxen and two men ;" 
 and many other instances are upon record,
 
 SERVANTS, &C. 223 
 
 wherein they are given generally, as in the will 
 of jElphelm, where he bequeaths his chief man- 
 sion at Gyrstingthorpe, with all the property 
 therein, both provisions and men. And in the 
 will of Wulfgar, " I give to Jilfere the abbot 
 the lands of Fercesford, with the provisions and 
 with the men, and with all the produce as it is 
 cultivated." Indeed, men with all their offspring 
 and family, were thus given away with lands in 
 perpetual inheritance. But specific bequests of 
 particular individuals, bespeak a different feeling, 
 and as I said before, must be held to denote 
 particular merit in the persons so noticed and 
 selected. 
 
 It seems however to be placed out of all doubt 
 by another circumstance, conspicuous in the 
 clauses of the same will of Wynfleda, where 
 she grants freedom to divers of her dependents 
 by name, which could only have been done in 
 token of her attachment to them, for their faith- 
 ful services. " Let Wulfware be freed, and fol- 
 low whomsoever he likes best ; and let Wulfiaede 
 be freed, on the condition that she follow JEthel- 
 fleda and Eadgifa, (Wynfleda's daughters) ; and 
 let Gerburg be freed, and Miscim, and the daugh- 
 ter of Burhulf at Cinnuc ; and j^Elfsige, and his
 
 224 SERVANTS, &.C. 
 
 wife, and his eldest daughter, and Ceolstane's 
 wife ; and at Ceorlatune let Pifus be freed, and 
 
 Edwin, and 's wife ; and at Saccuncumbe 
 
 let JEdelm be freed, and Man, and Johaunan 
 and Spror and his wife, and Enefette, and Ger- 
 sand, and Snel ; and at Colleshylle let JEtthel- 
 gythe be freed, and Bicca's wife, and jEffa, and 
 Beda, and Gushan's wife, and let Bryhsig's wife, 
 
 the sister of Wulfar, be freed ; and the 
 
 workman, and Wulfgythe the daughter of ^Elfs- 
 wythe." 
 
 Now, though indeed it might seem very 
 strange to read in the will of any great Lady of 
 modern days, such a clause as the following; 
 " Let Brown my butler, be free to go and live 
 with any master he likes ; and let my own maid 
 be free, and the cook, (provided the latter pass 
 for a time into the service of Eleanor and Matilda, 
 my daughters) and let Betty the housemaid be 
 free, and Dolly her sister ; Bob Short the under 
 gardener, Jemima the laundry maid, and Keren- 
 happuc the kitchen maid. And let Jerry the 
 groom be free, and Nanny the dairy maid at my 
 seat in Dorsetshire, and Robert and Charles the 
 footmen, and Giles Jolterhead my bailiff, let 
 them all be free ;" we could not doubt in such
 
 SERVANTS, &C. 225 
 
 a case, but that the intention of the testatrix must 
 have been to reward the persons mentioned for 
 their fidelity , good conduct, or some extraordinary 
 talent or qualification, more particularly in the 
 article concerning the cook, for who would think 
 of burthening her own daughters with a bad ser- 
 vant in that or any other capacity ? Here then 
 we see no less than 44 dependents selected for 
 their obedience, honesty, fidelity, or other com- 
 mendable qualities, 28 set free, and 16 bequeathed 
 as specific legacies to choice friends ; and who 
 is there among us all, being in affluence, who 
 would not rejoice to have even half the number 
 of such good and tried servants, left to them in 
 this way ? who would not be ready to regard 
 them as articles of no small rarity ? It may be 
 thought that a fear for their souls, disposed the 
 rich in those days to manumit their slaves at 
 their death, for they certainly had been taught 
 to believe, that " whoever liberated a slave in 
 the name of the Holy Trinity, might be sure of 
 God's mercy ;" but the benevolence of these an- 
 cient masters and mistresses did not stop here, 
 as the following passage, from Mr. Turner's His- 
 tory of the Anglo-Saxons, may serve to shew. 
 " The liberal feelings of our ancestors towards 
 VOL. u. . Q
 
 226 SERVANTS, &C. 
 
 their enslaved domestics, are not only evidenced 
 in the frequent manumissions, but also in the 
 generous gifts which they appear to have made 
 them. The grants of land from masters to their 
 servants are very common." 
 
 How comes it then that such instances are to 
 be found under a system of slavery, rather than 
 under a system of perfect liberty and freedom ? 
 for now undoubtedly every thing is free, as to 
 the connection between masters and servants ; 
 with one difference only in favor of the dependent, 
 namely, that while any servants may quit any 
 master or mistress they do not like, masters and 
 mistresses have no power to retain any servants 
 they do like. Bad servants may indeed at any 
 time be turned away, but good servants often- 
 times must be coaxed to stay. It would certainly 
 I think be better if they were not so easily separ- 
 able. Here lies the mischief a mischief free- 
 dom has introduced, and God forbid it should 
 be removed by any return to slavery ! Any return 
 to those times described by Bracton, when such 
 dependents were bound to " do whatsoever was 
 commanded them, nor at night were to be ap- 
 prised of the duties of the morning, but to live 
 in perpetual uncertainty." Surely we owe to
 
 SERVANTS, &C. 227 
 
 freedom herself, who has rescued us from such 
 degradations, that gratitude and respect which 
 should induce us to save her, if we can, from the 
 stigma of being, though unwittingly, the au- 
 thoress of such confusion *. I am almost con- 
 fident that the anomaly in question, may be thus 
 solved and accounted for. Under a system of 
 absolute proprietorship and involuntary subjec- 
 tion, it became the interest of both parties to 
 study the humours, tempers, weaknesses, foibles, 
 and virtues of each other. The Lord, anxious for 
 his own comfort, to obtain from his slave, a 
 voluntary and cheerful, rather than a forced and 
 sullen obedience, stood ready to reward all those 
 
 * In no country does freedom appear to have produced more con- 
 fusion in these respects, than in America, of which the following pas- 
 sage, from Janson's Stranger in America, may serve for a proof: 
 " The arrogance of domestics in this land of republican liberty and 
 equality, is particularly calculated to excite the astonishment of 
 strangers. To call persons of this description Servants, or to speak 
 of their Master or Mistress, is a grievous affront. Having called one 
 day at the house of a gentleman of my acquaintance, on knocking at 
 the door, it was opened by a servant-maid, whom I had never before 
 seen, as she had not been long in the family. The following is the 
 dialogue, word for word, which took place on this occasion : ' Is 
 your Master at home?' ' I have no Master?' ' Don't you live 
 here ?' ' I stay here.' ' And who are you then ?' ' Why I am Mr. 
 W.'s Help. I'd have you to know, man, that I am no Sarvant ; none 
 but \rgers are Sarvanta.'" 
 
 Q2
 
 228 SERVANTS, &C. 
 
 intrinsic virtues, which shine forth in the cha- 
 racter of a truly faithful and trusty dependent ; 
 while the latter, knowing he could not get free 
 but by a faithful attention to the interests of his 
 master, and out of gratitude for kind treatment, 
 where he might have found the contrary, pa- 
 tiently submissive to his will, and occasionally 
 even to his caprices, had the wisdom so to accom- 
 modate himself to the ways of his Lord, as to ren- 
 der himself necessary to his happiness, and even 
 an object of attachment, that is, to be regarded, 
 not merely as one of the household, but as one 
 of the family ; always contemplating his Lord's 
 mansion as his home, and constantly impressed 
 with the idea, that their interests were identical ; 
 that all that were his master's were his, in a cer- 
 tain sense; so as to stand prepared to rejoice 
 with him and with his children's children, upon 
 all occasions of family rejoicing, and weep with 
 them upon all occasions of family weeping ; like 
 good old Adam in " As you like it." 
 
 Long after the feudal times these sort of feel- 
 ings seem to have prevailed, and perhaps the 
 passing generation are the first, in this country, 
 who have had to lament the confusion and incon- 
 veniences arising from n looser connection ; for
 
 SERVANTS, &C. 229 
 
 at present certainly every thing seems to be in a 
 state of fluctuation. The power and privilege of 
 separation seems to be uppermost in the heads of 
 all ; masters and servants, mistresses and maids. 
 Nothing at all disagreeable is to be put up with 
 on either side. The master had rather get a new 
 servant, than retain ever so honest, sober, vir- 
 tuous and industrious a one, who shall chance 
 to offend his eye or his vanity, by some awk- 
 wardnesses or peculiarities, which time might 
 correct, or acquaintance soften ; and the servant 
 constantly stands ready to run the chance of a 
 new master and a new place, sooner than submit 
 to so much as one or two scoldings for palpable 
 neglect, or be bid to do any thing which he was 
 not in plain and express terms hired to do. 
 Ever since the rage came in, for smart, dashing, 
 well-formed and well-looking servants, male or 
 female, such frivolous qualifications have been 
 more prized and attended to, than any of the 
 old fashioned recommendations of integrity, so- 
 briety, civility, and submissive obedience; and mas- 
 ters and mistresses can have no right to com- 
 plain of the demoralization to which this sad 
 mistake has given birth. The evil seems not to 
 have been confined to our own country ; I find
 
 SERVANTS, &C. 
 
 in Mercier's Tableau de Paris, which appeared 
 just before the French Revolution, the following 
 curious passage in his Chapter entitled " Nos 
 Grand' Meres" which may well stand for ances- 
 tors in general. " Les domestiques faisoient alors 
 partie de la famille; on les tratoit moins poliment, 
 mais avec plus d'ajfection, ils le voyoient, et de- 
 venoient sensibles et reconnoissans. Les maitres 
 etoient mieux servis, et pouvoient compter sur 
 une fidelit^ bien rare aujourd'hui. On les em- 
 pchoit a la fois d'etre infortunes et vicieux; et 
 pour Yobeissance, on leur accordoit en echange, 
 bienveillance et protection. Aujourd'hui, les do- 
 mestiques passent de maisons en maisons, indif- 
 ferens a quels maitres ils appartiennent, recon- 
 trant celui qu'ils ont quitte sans la moindre 
 emotion. Ils ne se rassemblent que pour reveler 
 les secrets qu'ils ont pu decouvrir : ils sont 
 espions ; et comme on les paie bien, qu'on les 
 habille bien, qu'on les nourrit bien, mais qu'on les 
 meprise, ils le sentent, et sont devenus nos plus 
 grands ennemis. Autrefois leur vie etoit labo- 
 rieuse, dure, et frugale, mais on les comptoit 
 pour quelque chose, et le domestique mouroit 
 de vieillesse a. cote de son maitre." In another 
 place he says, " II est passe en proverbe, que
 
 SERVANTS, &C. 231 
 
 les laquais les plus grands et les plus insolens sont 
 les meilleurs. Enfin, un laquais du dernier ton 
 porte deux montres comme son maitre ; et cette 
 insigne folie ne scandalise plus qu'un misan- 
 thrope" Merrier then plainly throws the blame 
 upon the masters, and with reason. The demo- 
 ralization certainly began at top. " Like master 
 like man," is an old and true proverb; in the 
 famous sons, which I have ventured to introduce 
 
 O* 
 
 in a former section, illustrative of the difference 
 of manners, in the times of Elizabeth and James, 
 we find the old Courtier's old servants, as different 
 from the young Courtier's young servants, as the 
 masters themselves were different. If, as Mercier 
 says, servants discover, that though we pay them 
 well, and dress them well, and feed them well, we 
 despise them, the consequences must be, that 
 they will not care with whom they live, so that 
 they be but well paid, well dressed, and well fed. 
 Such masters and such servants stand connected 
 by a mere formal contract, no sentimental tie 
 whatever. They come together, under so strong 
 a feeling of their great freedom and indepen- 
 dence, as naturally to act rather upon a prin- 
 ciple of repulsion than attraction ; whereas, 
 reason ought to teach them, that being, as mem-
 
 232 SERVANTS, &C. 
 
 bers of society, necessary to each other, neither 
 of them should expect to be comfortable, with- 
 out making some allowances, and that long ac- 
 quaintance is absolutely requisite to mould the 
 tempers and manners of any two individuals, 
 into that conformity, which is the true basis of 
 domestic happiness. I cannot help feeling con- 
 fident, that if such contracts were once more 
 brought back to their proper footing, and instead 
 of looking to the facility of separation, every 
 master would contemplate the probability of a 
 new servant becoming as one of his family, and 
 every servant look to the possibility of his new 
 place becoming a home to him, a great increase 
 of domestic happiness would ensue, and we 
 should discover, that there were still in exist- 
 ence many more good masters, good mistresses, 
 and good servants, than under the present sys- 
 tem would appear to be the case. For the race 
 of good and even attached servants, notwith- 
 standing all our complaints, is not absolutely 
 extinct ; but it may become so in time, if we do 
 not take care. Such servants cannot be any 
 longer bequeathed to friends as legacies, but 
 instances still continually occur of their being 
 the objects of testamentary donations, and this
 
 SERVANTS, &C. 233 
 
 is enough to shew that some are still well and 
 faithfully served, and that such good services 
 are in the way of requital. 
 
 To many of our fashionables however I fear, 
 the very possibility of any strong attachment 
 between parties so distant from each other in the 
 scale of society, may be questionable; or if not 
 questionable, they may perhaps be incapable of 
 properly appreciating the value of such attach- 
 ments, as adding to the comforts of life. I 
 would recommend to such persons to read the 
 letter of Sir Roger de Coverly's old Butler, 
 announcing his master's death, to be found in 
 the 517th Number of the Spectator, and if it do 
 not excite in. them a wish and desire to see such 
 feelings revived amongst us, I shall greatly pity 
 their taste, to say nothing of higher principles. 
 I shall extract only a few passages of it, declar- 
 ing at the same time, that I verily think that if 
 there were more Sir Roger de Coverlys amongst 
 us, there would be more such Butlers. The let- 
 ter is addressed to one of the club. 
 
 " HONOURED SIR, 
 
 " Knowing that you was my old master's good 
 friend, I could not forbear sending you the me-
 
 234 SERVANTS, &C. 
 
 lancholy news of his death, which has afflicted 
 the whole country, as well as his poor servants, 
 who loved him, I may say, better than we did 
 our lives. He has bequeathed the fine white 
 gelding, that he used to ride a hunting upon, to 
 his Chaplain, because he thought he would be 
 kind to him he has moreover bequeathed to the 
 Chaplain a very pretty tenement with good lands 
 about it. It being a very cold day when he made 
 his will, he left for mourning to every man in 
 the parish a great frize coat, and to every woman 
 a black riding-hood. It was a moving sight to 
 see him take leave of his poor servants, commend- 
 ing us all for our fidelity , whilst we were not able 
 to speak a word for weeping. As we most of us 
 are grown grey-headed in our dear master's ser- 
 vice, he has left us pensions and legacies, which 
 we may live very comfortably upon the remain- 
 ing part of our days. Captain Sentry, my mas- 
 ter's nephew, has taken possession of the Hall- 
 House, and the whole estate. He makes much 
 of those whom my master loved, and shews great 
 kindness to the old house-dog, that you know 
 my poor master was so fond of. It would have 
 gone to your heart to have heard the moans the 
 dumb creature made on the day of my master's
 
 SERVANTS, &C. 235 
 
 death. He has never joyed himself since ; no 
 more has any of us. 'Twas the melancholies! 
 day for the poor people that ever happened in 
 Worcestershire. This being all from, 
 
 " Honoured Sir, 
 " Your most sorrowful servant, 
 
 " EDWARD BISCUIT." 
 
 That it was not the pensions and the legacies 
 in Sir Roger's last will, that run in this good 
 man's head, we may conclude, from another inci- 
 dent, capable of shewing how much the Knight 
 in his life time, and independent of his will, was 
 honored, loved, and respected by his servants. 
 On returning, with him from the Assizes, the Spec- 
 tator writes, " When we were arrived upon the 
 verge of his estate, we stopped at a little inn to 
 rest ourselves and our horses : the man of the 
 house had it seems been formerly a servant in 
 the Knight's family ; and to do honor to his old 
 master, had some time since, unknown to Sir 
 Roger, put him up as a sign-post before the 
 door ; so that the Knight's Head had hung out 
 upon the road about a week before he himself 
 
 knew any thing of the matter." As this is by 
 
 no means the best part of the story, I cannot for
 
 236 SERVANTS, &C. 
 
 the life of me help continuing it " decies repetita 
 placebit." 
 
 " As soon as Sir Roger was acquainted with 
 it, finding that his servant's indiscretion pro- 
 ceeded wholly from affection and good-will, he 
 only told him that he had made him too high 
 a compliment ; and when the fellow seemed to 
 think that could hardly be, added with a more 
 decisive look, that it was too great an honor for 
 any man under a Duke; but told him at the 
 same time, that it might be altered with a very 
 few touches, and that he himself would be at the 
 charge of it. Accordingly they got a painter by 
 the Knight's directions to add a pair of whiskers 
 to the face, and by a little aggravation of the 
 features to change it into the Saracen's Head. 
 I should not have known this story, had not the 
 innkeeper upon Sir Roger's alighting, told him in 
 my hearing, that his Honour's Head was brought 
 back last night with the alterations that he had 
 ordered to be made in it. Upon this my friend 
 with his usual cheerfulness related the particu- 
 lars above mentioned, and ordered the Head to 
 be brought into the room. I could not forbear 
 discovering greater expressions of mirth than 
 ordinary, upon the appearance of this monstrous
 
 SERVANTS, &C. 237 
 
 face, under which, notwithstanding it was made 
 to frown and stare in a most extraordinary man- 
 ner, I could still discover a distant resemblance 
 of my old friend. Sir Roger, upon seeing me 
 laugh, desired me to tell him truly if I thought 
 it possible for people to know him in that dis- 
 guise. I at first kept my usual silence ; but 
 upon the Knight's conjuring me to tell him 
 whether it was not still more like himself than a 
 Saracen, I composed my countenance in the best 
 manner I could, and replied, that much might be 
 said on both sides." 
 
 I have always been delighted with this story, 
 as so highly creditable to master and man ; for 
 it is told so simply, I can scarcely bring myself 
 to believe it is not true. However it may have 
 been true as to some of the particulars, and is 
 therefore admirably calculated to exhibit to the 
 view, a fair display of those feelings I wish to see 
 revived. 
 
 Plato lays it down as a maxim, that no friend- 
 ship can subsist between a master and a slave. 
 And Aristotle asserts, that there can no more be 
 a friendship between a tyrant and his subjects, 
 than between a master and his slave. Now this 
 may be all very true, but it applies to cases,
 
 238 SERVANTS, &C. 
 
 long antecedent to Christianity. The introduc- 
 tion of Christianity greatly abated the rigours of 
 servitude, and though it could not produce a 
 friendship, in the strict sense of the term, be- 
 tween such parties, it certainly operated to 
 render them friendly towards each other, to the 
 utmost extent of their reciprocal duties and ob- 
 ligations, and ought to do so now ; if St. Paul 
 be right in what he tells the masters and ser- 
 vants of Ephesus, in the Vlth chapter of his 
 Epistle to the converts in that city. How far 
 we ought to descend to any familiarity with ser- 
 vants is a different point ; but of this I am very 
 certain, that good servants will never require it, 
 and bad servants will never be mended by it. 
 Seneca however seems to have thought it quite a 
 moral duty in masters, to \\vefamiliarly with their 
 servants, and he professes to hold those in con- 
 tempt who are above doing so. As his reason- 
 ing upon the subject (bating his recommenda- 
 tions of absolute familiarity) has something in 
 it almost approaching to the sublime precepts 
 of Christianity, as far as masters are concerned, 
 I shall venture to give a small specimen of it. 
 Thus then he begins his XLVIIth Epistle. " Li- 
 benter ex his qui a te veniunt cognovi, familiari-
 
 SERVANTS, &C. 
 
 ter te cum servis tuis vivere. Hoc prudentiam 
 tuam, hoc eruditionem decet. Servi sunt ? imo 
 homines. Servi sunt ? imo Contubernales. Servi 
 sunt ? imo humiles amid. Servi sunt? imo conserui 
 si cogitaveris tantundem in utrosque licere for- 
 tunse. Itaque rideo istos qui turpe existimant 
 cum servo suo caenare." Seneca certainly goes 
 too far for modern times ; it is not necessary 
 that the rich should really ask their servants to 
 sit down to table with them, instead of standing 
 behind their chairs ; but in recommending more 
 condescension, Seneca had it in view to correct 
 some abominable habits of severity and injustice 
 in the rich of his days, and he had moreover 
 examples to bring forward, in which it appears, 
 a contrary behaviour in masters had had good 
 moral effects in regard to the dependents. He 
 notices the proverb, " Totidem esse hostes, quot 
 servos," as many servants as you have, so many 
 enemies have you ; but he adds, " non habemus 
 illos hostes, sed facimus ;" we cannot say we have, 
 but that we make to ourselves so many enemies ; 
 that is, by too high, haughty, or austere beha- 
 viour towards them. He represents servants as 
 entirely capable of attaching themselves to kind 
 and good masters, as ready even to sacrifice
 
 240 SERVANTS, &C. 
 
 their lives for them, and sustain the sharpest 
 torments sooner than betray them. But there 
 is nothing finer in the drift of the Philosopher's 
 argument, than the continual reference he makes 
 to the possibility of reverses in life, which may 
 at any time happen to raise servants to the con- 
 dition of masters, or depress the latter into the 
 state and condition of servants. He continually 
 sets the chance of such reverses before their 
 eyes, and reasons upon them as any good Chris- 
 tian might do. Seneca also refers back to for- 
 mer times, as we might do, when the connection 
 between master and servant was so close, that 
 they regarded each other only as different mem- 
 bers of one family. He seems to regard the 
 changes he deplores, as owing to much such 
 causes as we have seen reason to dwell upon, a 
 preference given to shewy and external qualifi- 
 cations, in hiring of servants, before the intrin- 
 sic virtues of honesty, sobriety, &c. It is, said 
 he, as if in buying a horse, some fool should 
 look only at the saddle and bridle, and not at 
 the horse himself. " Sic stultissimus est," he 
 adds, and his own words deserve to be brought 
 forward, " qui hominem aut ex veste, aut ex 
 conditione, quae vestis modo nobis circumdata
 
 SERVANTS, &C. 241 
 
 est, sestimat." He then in a noble strain of ar- 
 gument returns to his interrogatories " Servus 
 est? sed fortasse liber ammo. Servus est? Hoc 
 illi nocebit ? ostende quis non sit. Alius libidini 
 servit, alius avaritm, alius ambitioni ; omnes 
 timori. Dabo consularem anicula servientem ; 
 dabo ancillul& divitem : ostendam nobilissimos 
 juvenes mancipia Pantomimorum. Nulla servitus 
 turpior est, quam voluntaria." But I can go no 
 further ; already perhaps I shall have wearied 
 many readers, whose pardon I most humbly 
 implore, while I pass on to another author, much 
 junior to Seneca, but yet a sort of ancient, and 
 who seems to be as querulous about servants, 
 as any modern gossip we could find. I mean 
 the celebrated Petrarch ; well known as a senti- 
 mental lover and Italian sonneteer, but not so 
 well known as a Latin philosopher ; though while 
 eighty pages contain all that he wrote in Italian, 
 his Latin works occupy twelve hundred pages ; 
 but this by the bye. In one of his own Epistles 
 then, Petrarch notices that very Epistle of Se- 
 neca, just referred to, as written in defence of ser- 
 vants, and throwing all the blame on masters. " I 
 should be sorry, says he, to dispute the autho- 
 rity of so great a man, but as far as my experience 
 
 VOL. II. K
 
 242 SERVANTS, &C. 
 
 goes, it seems to be quite the contrary ; perhaps 
 he and his friend Lucilius had an extraordinary 
 knack of making good servants, or particular 
 luck in finding them. To me, I must confess, 
 both seem to be wanting, though they have oc- 
 cupied all my care and attention. Let others 
 then see to themselves, I cannot commend what 
 I do not know. In my estimation, the whole 
 race of servants, is, beyond every thing bad, and 
 I look upon nothing more true, than the very 
 proverb which Seneca finds fault with, that ' a 
 man has just so many enemies as he has ser- 
 vants.' But indeed Seneca pretends to speak 
 only of good servants, the bad being excluded 
 from all commerce with their masters ; I shall 
 believe him, for so he seems to say ; and indeed 
 I have collected out of books, many examples 
 of good servants, nor am I inclined to dispute 
 the fact, or the credibility of the writers ; but 
 whether it be owing to the change of times, or 
 to chance, or to my own impatience, I never 
 saw a good servant in the whole course of my 
 life; and yet I am continually looking out for 
 one, and if by chance I should ever meet one, 
 shall assuredly be as much astonished as if I 
 were to meet a man with two heads. But lest
 
 SERVANTS, &C. 243 
 
 any body should suppose that all this is owing 
 either to some severity, or negligence on my 
 part, I must declare, that I have tried every 
 way to make them good. Lucilius could not 
 have lived more familiarly with them than I have 
 done ; I have allowed them to converse with me, 
 to advise, and even to sit down at table with me. 
 I have entrusted myself and all my concerns to 
 their care, hoping to make them faithful by my 
 confidence, but with so little success, that ac- 
 tually every thing has been turned against me. 
 Not one of them, but has become more saucy 
 from being allowed to converse with me, and 
 more presuming from being admitted to my ta- 
 ble ; and as too much familiarity has made them 
 impudent, too much confidence has only made 
 them thieves. Let Seneca then say what he will 
 in praise of his servants, I can only say what I 
 know of my own, and of those of all my ac- 
 quaintance. I must confess there is nothing in 
 life from which I suffer more molestation, than 
 from the perverseness and obstinacy of servants. 
 In other contests there are some intervals of 
 peace and quiet, but with our domestic enemies 
 we have to contend for ever, and without any 
 intermission. However I am aware that I ought 
 
 R'2
 
 244 SERVANTS, &C. 
 
 to learn to bear with a firm mind what I know to 
 have befallen some of the most celebrated men 
 in the world, for eminent authors relate,' that 
 " even so long ago as in the heroical ages, 
 Ulysses, after all his multifarious labours, was 
 dreadfully annoyed by the insolence of his ser- 
 vants and handmaidens, and in much more re- 
 cent times, the Emperor Frederick is reported 
 to have done nothing but complain, living and 
 dying, of the injuries he had sustained from ser- 
 vants." So far poor unfortunate Petrarch ; and 
 so much for the Italian servants of the XlVth 
 century ! But, I am sorry to say, our own 
 poet and philosopher, Shenstone, seems, in the 
 XVII Ith century, to have had no better an opi- 
 nion of English servants ; " I have been for- 
 merly," says he, in his essays on men and man- 
 ners, " so silly as to hope that every servant I had 
 might be made a friend : I am now convinced 
 that the nature of servitude bears a contrary 
 tendency. It is the nature of servitude to dis- 
 card all generous motives of obedience, and to 
 point out no other, than those scoundrel ones 
 of interest and fear." Now I don't believe this, 
 and think I have shewn the contrary in some 
 foregoing instances ; not but that servitude may
 
 SERVANTS, &C. 245 
 
 have the tendency attributed to it, but it is as- 
 suredly to be corrected by good usage, though 
 Petrarch and Shenstoue seem to think otherwise. 
 But they were both poets, and their souls per- 
 haps unfitted for these lower regions, and for 
 mere terrestrial associations ; which I am the 
 more led to believe of Shenstone, because he is 
 the very man, who said, that if he were worth a 
 hundred thousand pounds^ he would build him- 
 self a neighbourhood; which seems to imply that 
 he had no neighbourhood at the time, in his own 
 estimation, though every body knows where he 
 lived. 
 
 In all that I have said hitherto, I have dwelt 
 principally on the state, circumstances, and con- 
 dition of domestics ; of the household or menial 
 servant, and have made very slight allusion to the 
 predial or husbandry servant. To speak in An- 
 glo-Saxon terms, I have only considered the state 
 of the " Esnes," and in no manner meddled with the 
 " Theows," [see Heywood on Ranks.] What then 
 shall we say of the latter ? Are the employers 
 and employed in our agricultural districts, upon 
 a better footing now than they used to be in the 
 times, to which I have so often alluded ; when 
 the land was cultivated in a great measure by
 
 SERVANTS, &C. 
 
 slaves ; slaves, that with their wives and families, 
 were saleable articles, and as easily transferable 
 from one master to another, as the cattle in the 
 stalls, or as the land itself; to which indeed they 
 appertained almost as inseparably, as the herb 
 of the field, or the soil of the ground ? I should 
 be very unwilling to go far into this subject at 
 present; hoping things may mend, when they 
 come to be better understood, by all the parties 
 concerned ; but it is certainly melancholy to 
 think how many are at this moment in bondage 
 who fancy themselves free. Mr. Hallam in his 
 History of the Middle Ages, speaking of the 
 feudal Villeins or Villans, who were attached to 
 the land, says, " Nor was their poverty perhaps 
 less tolerable upon the whole than that of the 
 modern peasantry in most countries of Europe." 
 Now, though no country in Europe I verily be- 
 lieve, has acted with more judgment and discern- 
 ment than our own, in adopting the best parts of 
 that very curious system, under which our Ger- 
 man ancestors lived, yet I much doubt if worse 
 instances could be found any where of a de- 
 graded, dissatisfied, discontented peasantry, than 
 amongst ourselves at this moment; and that, 
 through the operation of a law, made so ex-
 
 SERVANTS, &C. 247 
 
 pressly for their relief and protection, that in the 
 midst of their sufferings and depression, they 
 cling to it as though it were the palladium of 
 their freedom and importance in the State. This 
 then is an anomaly of a political nature, exceed- 
 ingly to be deplored ; a dreadful interruption to 
 that harmony and good-will that should subsist 
 between the farmers and the peasantry, all flow- 
 ing from errors and mistakes in the administra- 
 tion of a law, the most benign and charitable 
 that could be conceived, if confined to its proper 
 objects; that is, the truly helpless and unfortu- 
 nate. Comparatively then with the Anglo-Saxon 
 " Theow," or Feudal " Villan" of old times, I 
 greatly fear, -that the poverty of those of our pea- 
 santry who are dependent on parochial funds, is 
 infinitely less tolerable, all things considered, 
 than that of the former. Nay, I question if many 
 of our modern " Theows," though nominally in a 
 state of freedom, are not much greater slaves 
 than their progenitors. " Is it," asks the Abbe 
 de Mably, " of the essence of slavery, that every 
 slave should have a tyrant for his Lord ?" Cer- 
 tainly not ; and I think it will appear from the 
 foregoing discussion, that many of the Masters 
 and Mistresses of Slaves in former days, were
 
 248 SERVANTS, &C. 
 
 the very reverse of tyrants : nay, there are laws 
 still extant that would serve to shew, that they 
 protected and supported their slaves to such 
 excess at times, as to call for the interposition of 
 the magistrate ; but at all events the numerous 
 instances of the manumission of slaves, and even 
 of voluntary contracts on the part of the latter, 
 to serve their lords for ever, when they might 
 have been free, prove clearly that it is not of the 
 essence of slavery that every slave should have a 
 tyrant for his Lord. Am I then advocating the 
 cause of slavery? No, God forbid. " Disguise 
 thyself as thou wilt, still, slavery," I say with 
 Sterne, " thou art a bitter draught !" But have 
 we not, through the operation and effects of the 
 poor laws, (" la plaie politique de I'Angleterre la 
 plus devorante" as the French call it,) too much 
 disguised slavery at this moment amongst our- 
 selves ? It is the glory of a free man to live as 
 he will; but how many in this free country are 
 now doomed to live only as they can ? They are 
 not indeed irrevocably bound to one Lord; they 
 are not bought and sold in the market ; they are 
 net compellable to do all manner of work, or lia- 
 ble to arbitrary punishments ; but are they not 
 dependent, (they and their families), on many lords,
 
 SERVANTS, &,C. 249 
 
 for food and raiment, and the commonest neces- 
 saries of life ? supplies not derived from supe- 
 riors so intimately connected with them, as to 
 give and bestow such things upon them " cheer- 
 fnlly," but from such as, it is to be apprehended, 
 contribute to their wants never " cheerfully" but 
 always " grudgingly" and only " of" strict 
 " necessity." The Abbe de Mably, whom I have 
 already quoted, has truly enough shewn, that he 
 is but nominally free who is by any circumstances 
 rendered the slave of poverty ; and that every one 
 is the slave of poverty, for whom the State does 
 not, or cannot, provide sufficiently in the way of 
 subsistence. I would ask then, is not that man 
 the slave of. poverty, who marries under a posi- 
 tive assurance that his offspring must be fed, and 
 clothed, and taught, and employed by others? 
 who marries, not to add strength to the commu- 
 nity, but to augment its difficulties ? who mar- 
 ries (I blush to say it, but I fear it is, in some 
 cases, but too true) not to add to his comforts, 
 but to his wants, for the express purpose of sanc- 
 tioning increased demands on a public purse? 
 Lastly, who marries perhaps under a suppressed 
 feeling, that if his wife and children should be- 
 come too burdensome, to hjmself, he will in due
 
 250 SERVANTS, &.C. 
 
 time abscond, and leave the whole care of them 
 to the parish ? Surely wives and families had 
 better be sold at once, according to the ancient 
 system, under the chance at least of getting a 
 good master, than thus given away to persons, who 
 can never, in the very nature of things, be ex- 
 pected to receive them kindly ? Is this a proper, 
 a desirable state of things? Is this freedom, 
 independence, virtue, or happiness ? Is this what 
 should be seen in a land of industry, and exer- 
 tion ? Yet it is seen, and who is to blame ? This 
 is the great question I would just ask then, 
 have none of the employed been driven into this 
 sad state of pauperism and demoralization, by the 
 mistakes of their employers ? Have wages always 
 been so proportioned to profits, that when the 
 master was gaining to save, the servant had the 
 means of doing so also ? Have no advantages 
 been taken of the latter, in consequence of a 
 variable standard of money, or in sending them 
 to the poor-books for the proper wages of indus- 
 try, when they ought, for the sake of all parties, 
 to have been kept clear of it ? Above all things, 
 have none been driven into improvident mar- 
 riages, by imposing a fine on single men, in a 
 niggardly limitation, or absolute reduction, of their
 
 SERVANTS, &C. 251 
 
 wages, below their proper value ? These are ques- 
 tions which it would be well for those to ask 
 themselves, who are groaning and murmuring 
 under the weight and burden of the rates, as a 
 tax on their property a great pecuniary burden 
 we must acknowledge it to be to those who pay 
 the rate ; but in my own estimation, a burden 
 ten-fold heavier, in a physical, moral, and poli- 
 tical point of view, to those who are dependent 
 on it for their main or sole support. 
 
 I have thus shewn in how many instances, a 
 dependance on parochial relief is but a disguised 
 state of slavery ; and with this aggravation, that 
 it is a sort of slavery from which there are no 
 hopes of emancipation, but from the cultivation 
 and practice of those very virtues, which most 
 unfortunately, under the present system, the 
 poor think themselves absolutely entitled to aban- 
 don ; as frugality, prudence, extraordinary indus- 
 try ; a disposition to provide for futurity, and the 
 moral check upon early marriages. In the aban- 
 donment of these virtues, and, what is worst of 
 all, of the many, many comforts attending upon 
 them, the poor no doubt have contributed, and 
 do still daily contribute largely to their own de- 
 pression and distress ; so largely indeed as to
 
 252 . SERVANTS, &.C. 
 
 put it quite out of the power of any government, 
 I fear, effectually to help them. In fact, if they 
 cannot be persuaded to help themselves in the 
 way pointed out, they must remain the " slaves 
 of poverty," and the servants therefore of a griev- 
 ous " tyrant:" but suspecting as I do, that many 
 of late years, have been unwarily drawn into the 
 vortex of pauperism by an injudicious recourse 
 to the poor-book on the part of their employers, 
 and from a great disturbance in the value of 
 money, not perhaps fully understood by the 
 employed or the employers in country places, I 
 cannot conclude without giving a hint to the 
 latter, that " the labourer is worthy of his full 
 hire," for his free services ; and that to send him 
 without urgent necessity, to the poor-book, for any 
 portion of his lawful and just earnings, (extrava- 
 gant wages being quite out of the question) is to 
 give him a sort of claim upon the fund, by no 
 means in the contemplation of the original law, 
 and highly pernicious to all parties, in its effects 
 and consequences. Happy be the man, who 
 shall ever by any means, assist us to put things 
 upon a better footing, and relieve us from the 
 many difficulties which press severely at present 
 both upon the rich and the poor !
 
 ODD ARRANGEMENTS, * 
 
 fyc. c. 
 
 PERSONS of the highest consequence have been 
 put to their shifts in marshalling companies, and 
 arranging guests. We read that Henry Duke of 
 Normandy, son of Henry II. of England, gave an 
 entertainment once, to which so many of the 
 French Noblesse resorted, that he could hit upon 
 no better expedient for their arrangement than 
 that of grouping them according to their Chris- 
 tian names, sending all the William's to one 
 table, the Charles's to another, and so on. It is 
 even recorded that in doing so, he found no less 
 than a hundred and ten of the former name, 
 independent of simple gentlemen, ushers, and 
 servants. 
 
 I remember being told when I was a boy, that 
 one of the Speakers of our House of Commons, 
 in inviting his company to his parliamentary 
 dinners, took no farther .pains than to go strait 
 through the alphabetical list of the members, so
 
 254 ODD ARRANGEMENTS, &C. 
 
 that in the course of the parliament, no wonder 
 that the Mr. A.'s should get tired of meeting 
 none but the Mr. B.'s and C.'s, and vice versa. 
 Had the late worthy Speaker, Mr. Abbot (now 
 Lord Colchester) adopted this plan, his own 
 place at the top of the table, would have been in 
 exact alphabetical order. 
 
 Every body knows the scrape Mr. Timothy 
 Treatall got into, by desiring the ladies whom 
 he had invited to supper to take their places ac- 
 cording to their age and seniority, (see Tatler, 
 No. 262) what a dreadful confusion arose amongst 
 his guests, when the arrangement was first an- 
 nounced, and how immediately all the ladies 
 who had before pressed for a place at the upper 
 end of the table, crowded with the same disorder 
 and eagerness to the opposite end. 
 
 The Emperor Geta used to arrange his dinners 
 so, as to have on the table at one time, such 
 dishes only as began with the same letter; as 
 (to exemplify it in English) Mutton, Mushrooms, 
 Macaroni, Mince-pies, Marmalade, &c. Pork, Pi- 
 geons, Patties, Pies, Pan-cakes, and Plum-pudding, 
 &c. Lamb, Leveret, Larks, Lobsters, Laver, and 
 stewed Lampreys ! Perhaps the very Latin of 
 Julius Capitolinus, from whom we have the story,
 
 ODD ARRANGEMENTS, &C. 255 
 
 may amuse some of my readers. " Habebat con- 
 suetudinem, ut convivia, et maxima prandia per 
 singulas literas juberat, scientibus servis, velut 
 in quo erat anser, aprugna, anas ; item pullus, 
 perdix, pavo, porcellus, piscis, perna, et quaB in 
 earn literam genera edulium caderent facianus, 
 faerta, ficus, &c. &c." 
 
 Heliogabalus took a fancy to the number 
 eight, or rather to the Greek proverb airotvroxru : 
 whence he chose to invite to his supper eight 
 bald persons, eight blind ones, eight gouty ones, 
 eight deaf ones, eight hoarse ones, eight very 
 black ones, eight very tall ones, eight very fat 
 ones, and eight hooked-nose ones. 
 
 A very old gentleman told me that he was 
 once invited to dine with a lady of some distinc- 
 tion at Bath, about his own age, and where he 
 met a party of intimates to the number of eight, 
 the lady herself making one. On sitting down 
 to the table, the seven guests looked at the din- 
 ner with some surprise, there being nothing solid 
 to be seen in any one of the dishes; no joint of 
 any sort, but soups, minced meats, stewed vege- 
 tables, jellies, syllabubs, creams, &c. This old 
 lady amused herself a short time with witness- 
 ing the strange looks of her company, before
 
 256 ODD ARRANGEMENTS, &C. 
 
 she explained to them the mystery. She then 
 told them, that having an exact knowledge of 
 their circumstances, and a sympathetic feeling 
 towards them, she had resolved to make a feast, 
 for the whole party, suitable to their condition. 
 That she had reason to know, that though eight 
 in number, they had not one tooth amongst them 
 all, and she had therefore ordered a dinner, upon 
 which they need not bestow a thought upon the 
 lost power of mastication. Such an odd piece 
 of kindness, as the old gentleman told me, kept 
 them laughing so all dinner time, that they 
 found the toothless meal almost as difficult to 
 swallow as if it had consisted of bones. 
 
 The following instance of curious arrangement 
 fell under my own knowledge. To avoid offence 
 I shall not adopt the real letters of the names 
 alluded to, but the story will lose nothing of its 
 effect by substituting others. A very obnoxious 
 sermon happened to be preached in a certain 
 Archdeaconry, at a Visitation, by a gentleman 
 (let me say) of the name of PRO**. At the next 
 Visitation, the Clergyman appointed to preach 
 thought it incumbent on him, (indispensably so 
 indeed,) to advert to the former sermon, and 
 combat its arguments. This he did to the best
 
 ODD ARRANGEMENTS, &C. 257 
 
 of his abilities, and so much to the satisfaction 
 of his auditors, that he was desired to print his 
 discourse ; but his diffidence was such, as to in- 
 cline him to avoid doing so if possible. At all 
 events, he judged it well to submit his manu- 
 script first to a person more acquainted with the 
 subject, and to request his advice ; in doing 
 which, he lamented extremely that it had fallen 
 to his lot, to preach on so trying an occasion, 
 having never applied his mind particularly to 
 that branch of polemics. It naturally surprized 
 his referee to find that something so incongru- 
 ous should have taken place, till a gentleman 
 happened to tell him, that in that Archdeaconry 
 the preachers were always appointed alphabeti- 
 cally, and on turning to the name of his corres- 
 pondent, he found that it actually began with the 
 three following letters, PRU***. 
 
 VOL. 11.
 
 QUAKERS. 
 
 
 
 IT may be expected that in such a work as the 
 present, some notice should be taken of the Qua- 
 kers, who rej ect all titles, "flattering titles," as they 
 call them, with Elihu in Job, (ch. xxxii. 21, 22) 
 and all compliments. To whom such ordinary 
 appellations as Sir and Madam, Master and Mis- 
 tress, give offence, and who cannot bear that any 
 should profess to be the obedient humble servants 
 of those to whom in reality they owe neither 
 service nor obedience. Howell in his Epistle to 
 the Nobility of England, prefixed to his French 
 and English Dictionary, and who is often cited 
 by the Quakers, observe.^, that " Sir and Ma- 
 dam were originally names given to none but the 
 King, his brother, and their wives, both in France 
 and England. Yet now the ploughman in France 
 is called Sir, and his wife Madam ; and men of 
 ordinary trades in England Sir, and their wives 
 Dame ; which is the legal title of a Lady, and 
 is the same as Madam in French. So prevalent 
 have pride and flattery been in all ages, the one
 
 QUAKERS. 259 
 
 to give and the other to receive respect." Su- 
 perfluous titles of honor they contend do lay a 
 necessity upon Christians most frequently to lie; 
 because the persons, obtaining these titles either 
 by election or hereditarily, may frequently be 
 found to have nothing really in them deserving 
 them, or answering to them : as some to whom 
 it is said " your Excellency," have nothing of 
 Excellency in them ; and who is called " your 
 Grace" appears to be an enemy to Grace ; and 
 he who is called " your Honor" is known to be 
 base and ignoble. Barclay, from whom I take 
 this, goes farther; he objects much to the Papal 
 titles of Holiness, Eminence, 8cc. and grounds his 
 objections on Scripture. " We find, says he, no 
 such thing in Scripture. The Christians speak 
 to the Apostles without any such denomination, 
 neither saying, if it please your Grace, your Ho- 
 liness, your Lordship, nor your Worship ; they 
 are neither called my Lord Peter, nor my Lord 
 Paul ; nor yet Master Peter nor Master Paul ; 
 nor Doctor Peter nor Doctor Paul." Though he 
 confesses the Apostles might have borne these 
 titles, since " they really had Holiness, Excel- 
 lency, and Grace ; but because they were holy, 
 s2 '
 
 260 QUAKERS. 
 
 excellent, and gracious, they neither used nor 
 admitted of such titles. But these having nei- 
 ther Holiness, Excellency, nor Grace, will needs 
 be so called, to satisfy their ambitious and os- 
 tentatious minds, which is a manifest token of 
 their hypocrisy." Even the title of " Majesty" 
 offends him equally. Proud Nebuchadnezzar, 
 he says, assumed it, but was punished for it, 
 and generally in Scripture, we find only the 
 simple appellation, " O King!" without further 
 designation save perhaps the name of the person, 
 as, " O King Agrippa." Paul, he observes, was 
 very civil to Agrippa, and yet gave him no other 
 title. He glosses over plausibly enough the ad- 
 dress of Luke, " Most excellent Theophilus," as 
 well as that of Paul, " Most noble Festus," con- 
 cluding that as both Luke and Paul wrote under 
 the dictates of the infallible Spirit of God, they 
 knew that these persons deserved the titles given 
 them. He is rather sharp upon Calvin, and I 
 really think with great reason, on the following 
 occasion. The Author of the Ecclesiastical His- 
 tory of the Reformation of France, relating the 
 speech of Lord Rochefort at the Assembly of the 
 Estates under Charles the Ninth, in the year
 
 QUAKERS. 261 
 
 1560, observes, that this harangue was well re- 
 marked, in that he used not the word (Majesty) 
 invented by flatterers of late years. " And yet, 
 says Barclay, this Author minded not how his 
 Master Calvin used this flattering title to Francis 
 the First, King of France ; and not only so, but 
 calls him Most Christian King, in the Epistle to 
 his Institutions ; though by Francis's daily per- 
 secuting of the Reformers, it was apparent, he 
 was far from being such even in Calvin's own 
 esteem." I confess, this Epistle of Calvin has 
 always struck me as a very extraordinary one, 
 nor do I wonder that Barclay should notice it as 
 he does, considering his principles in regard to 
 titles, and the remark above of the Author of the 
 History of the Reformation ; for if the omission 
 of the word Majesty, a title, which as I have 
 before observed, Selden pronounced to be par- 
 ticularly unexceptionable, as expressing only 
 " greaterness," appeared so commendable in the 
 case alluded to, it cannot but seem extraordinary, 
 that the very chief of the French Reformers, 
 should, as he really has done, load Francis the 
 First with titles, not merely in the comparative 
 degree, but constantly superlative ; not only 
 styling him Christianissimus, most Christian, in
 
 262 QUAKERS. 
 
 his title and address, while he was actually per- 
 secuting the reformed of his own kingdom all he 
 could * ; but in the course of the Epistle itself, 
 
 Potentissimus, most potent ; 
 
 Illustrissimus, most illustrious ; 
 
 Clarissimus, most eminent : 
 
 Nobilissimus, most noble ; 
 
 Invictissimus, most invincible ; 
 
 Serenissimus, most serene ; 
 
 Fortissimus, most brave ; 
 
 Barclay himself dedicated his work to a King 
 (Charles II.) without falling into any such incon- 
 sistencies, and indeed it would have been well, 
 if that unsteady Monarch had attended to his 
 advice, and kept himself more clear of those lusts 
 and vanities, against which the Scotch Quaker 
 so boldly cautioned him. 
 
 I have in a former part of this work observed 
 how fitly modern titles might be turned against 
 those who bear them unworthily, in the way of 
 hint or reproof; and I have also endeavoured to 
 
 * He burned them by dozens, sent them to the gullies by hundreds, 
 and banished them by thousands, says Meterai; and Daniel records 
 a rare scene, at which Francis was present, to see six of these un- 
 happy persons, roasted to death by slow degrees, "pour leur faire 
 sentir la phis vive impression."
 
 QUAKERS. 263 
 
 shew, in what manner far greater titles may in 
 reality belong to the untitled upon earth, than 
 any bestowed by civil authority, on our highest 
 Nobility. In this, Barclay seems entirely to 
 agree with me. " Who are they," says he, " who 
 are honorable indeed?" (That is right honorable.) 
 " Is it not the righteous man ? is it not the holy 
 man ? is it not the humble-hearted man ? the meek- 
 spirited man ? and are not such those that ought 
 to be honored amongst Christians ? Now of these 
 may there not be poor men, labourers, fishermen, 
 &c. ?" And he quotes Jerome properly enough, 
 to shew, that while he that obeyeth not sin, is 
 free, he who is strong in virtue, must be noble. 
 
 This is all. right enough ; but why then make 
 such a fuss about worldly titles, which cannot in 
 reality and with a view to better things and a 
 better world, in any manner detract from the 
 greatness, or lower the credit, of any one worthy, 
 virtuous, pious plebeian ? which in fact ought to 
 be regarded only like money ; not so much ac- 
 cording to the real merit of those who bear them, 
 as to the imaginary value stamped upon them 
 by custom, law, &c. It was well said by an ob- 
 server of the French Revolution, when they were 
 railing at titles, and voting by acclamation for
 
 264 QUAKERS. 
 
 their abolition, " why, if you think them so vaitl 
 and frivolous, try to deprive your opponents of 
 them ? If they be really so, how can you ex- 
 pose the obnoxious Nobles more than by letting 
 them continue to bear them ? Your very oppo- 
 sition to them shews that they have some weight 
 in society, and that you expect to seem greater 
 yourselves, when others are deprived of them." 
 For my own part, I shall always think they have 
 their use, under wise and good regulations, and 
 that the Quakers do themselves injustice by 
 being so very particular about them, for accord- 
 ing to their own account, after all their railing 
 against titles of honor, and worldly distinctions, 
 they are far from being democrats, radicals, or bad 
 subjects under a Monarchy like our own. 
 
 Let them speak for themselves as to this. The 
 passages are on many accounts worth transcrib- 
 ing ; there being a great deal of good sense in 
 them, though we must recollect that it was writ- 
 ten by an Apologist, who had a rare knack of 
 giving an air of plausibility to the extravagancies 
 of his sect*. " Let not any judge," says Bar- 
 
 * I do not mean to speak disrespectfully of Barclay, but he cer- 
 tainly had to defend singularities, if not extravagancies; and I grant 
 that be bas done M> very adroitly, though not to ray own conviction.
 
 QUAKERS. 265 
 
 clay, " that hereby we intend to destroy the 
 mutual relation that either is between Prince and 
 People, Master and Servants, Parents and Chil- 
 dren; neither, that from our opinion in these 
 things, any necessity of levelling will follow, or 
 that all men must have things in common. Our 
 principle leaves every man to enjoy that peace- 
 ably, which either his own industry, or his pa- 
 rents have purchased to him ; only he is thereby 
 instructed to use it aright, both for his own 
 good, and that of his brethren, and all to the 
 glory of God. And further, we say not hereby, 
 that no man may use the creation more or less 
 than another : for we know that as it hath pleas- 
 ed God to dispense it diversely, giving to some 
 more, and to some less, so they may use it ac- 
 cordingly. The several conditions, under which 
 men are diversely stated, together with their 
 educations answering thereunto, do sufficiently 
 shew this : the servant is not the same way edu- 
 cated as the master ; nor the tenant as the land- 
 lord; nor the rich as the poor; nor the Prince 
 as the peasant. Now though it be not lawful for 
 any, however great abundance they may have, 
 or whatever their education may be, to use that 
 which is merely superfluous : yet seeing that edit-
 
 266 QUAKERS. 
 
 cation has accustomed them thereunto, and their 
 capacity enables them so to do, without being 
 profuse and extravagant, they may use things 
 better in their kind, than such whose education 
 hath neither accustomed them to such things, 
 nor their capacity will reach to compass them. 
 For it is beyond question, that whatever thing 
 the creation affords, is for the use of man, and 
 the moderate use of them is lawful ; yet per ac- 
 cidens they may be unlawful to some, though not 
 to others. As for instance, he that by reason of 
 his estate and education hath been used to eat 
 flesh, and drink wine, and to be clothed with the 
 Jinest wool, if his estate will bear it, and he use 
 it neither in superfluity, nor immoderately, he 
 may do it ; and perhaps, if he should apply him- 
 self to feed or be clothed, as are the peasants, 
 it might prejudice the health of his body, and 
 nothing advance his soul. But if a man, whose 
 estate and education hath accustomed him to 
 both coarser food and raiment, should stretch him- 
 self beyond what he had, or were used to the 
 manifest prejudice of his family and children, no 
 doubt it would be unlawful to him, even so to 
 eat or be clothed as another in whom it is law- 
 ful." Now in all this there is surely a great deal
 
 QUAKERS. 267 
 
 of good sense, and sound morality. He further 
 admonishes those who have fulness, to watch 
 over themselves, and use it moderately ; and 
 comforts those who have no such worldly fulness 
 and abundance, with the hope of the far greater 
 advantage it is in their power to enjoy, by being 
 rich as to the inward man, and having a spiritual 
 fellowship with the Saints. 
 
 Though I applaud and approve this passage, 
 copied from the writings of their great Apologist, 
 I never can see much reason in their other pro- 
 ceedings ; especially in their peculiar language 
 and manners, so at variance with the common 
 ways of the world. I do not see how their ar- 
 guments can -hold good, by which they would 
 support such customs. The outward ceremonies 
 for instance, of bowing the head or body, taking 
 off the hat, &c., they profess to consider as no 
 more actual criterions of obeisance and respect, 
 than they hold mourning garments to be the 
 criterions of sorrow. Knowing and believing 
 this, why do they then attach such importance 
 to them ? Titles of honour in the same manner, 
 however flattering, they do not regard as really 
 conveying any false ideas as to the moral excel- 
 lence of the persons ; they merely reject them,
 
 268 QUAKERS. 
 
 because they seem to themselves as capable in 
 some instances of violating the truth. Not in all ; 
 as we have a right to suppose, because they 
 imagine Luke's " most excellent" and Paul's " most 
 noble" might fairly attach to the persons so 
 called, and that they knew it through the influ- 
 ence of the Spirit. But who are so much, in 
 their own ideas, under the influence of the Spirit, 
 as Quakers ? and may we not ask, does the Spi- 
 rit never suggest to them any difference of per- 
 sons * ? Do they never find in the whole compass 
 of their acquaintance, or mass of their fellow 
 creatures, so much as one most noble or one most 
 excellent, even upon their own grounds ? Why 
 was Festus most noble? because, says Barclay, 
 " he suffered Paul to be heard in his own cause, 
 and would not give way to the fury of the Jews 
 against him." And what Judge upon the Eng- 
 lish Bench might not now lay an equal claim 
 to the title of Nobility ? If any man is ever 
 prevented pleading his own cause before an Eng- 
 lish Judge, I will venture to say it is for his own 
 good. The Judge knows how he might injure 
 
 * See some good remark* to this purpose on the Quakers own 
 chosen appellation of " Friend?' indiscriminately applied to all per- 
 sons, in the XlXth Number of the Edinburgh Review, (1807) p. 93.
 
 QUAKERS. 269 
 
 himself, if ignorant of the technicalities and nice- 
 ties of the law, through which in criminal cases, 
 even the guilty have a thousand chances of escap- 
 ing conviction. This is so well known to the 
 ablest advocates, that there is a good story cur- 
 rent of Mr. Thehvall (I think it was) and Mr. 
 Erskine, as follows : the former being to be tried 
 for treason, wrote to Mr. (now Lord) Erskine, 
 the following laconic epistle : " I shall plead my 
 own cause." To which Lord E. as laconically 
 replied : " You'll be hanged if you DO." Mr. 
 Thelwall stood corrected, and therefore wittily 
 enough rejoined: " Then if I do, I'll be hanged;" 
 and wisely gave up so mad a project. Quakers 
 in time past might be rudely treated, and I fear 
 were so, both by the populace and by Judges, as 
 Mr. Clarkson relates a case of Judge Glyn ; but 
 in the present day, I am confident our Judges 
 are all as noble as Festus in this particular, and 
 would not give way to the fury of any enemies, 
 of whom the Quakers might have to complain. 
 What indeed could be more liberal than the re- 
 lief afforded to Quakers by the Legislature, in 
 actually receiving their affirmation instead of 
 an oath ; an affirmation which, in further accom- 
 modation to their principles, has been so altered
 
 QUAKERS. 
 
 as not even to contain the sacred name of the 
 Deity ! Is it not " most noble" in the Legisla- 
 tors of their country and their fellow subjects, 
 to trust them in this manner, in compliance with 
 their religious principles ? Who could have 
 behaved more nobly, more grandly, more magna- 
 nimously to the Quakers, than our late King ? 
 admitting them often to his presence, and dis- 
 pensing with all courtly ceremonies to humour 
 their feelings ? But they would never have ad- 
 dressed a memorial to that worthy Monarch, by 
 his customary title of " the King's most Excellent 
 Majesty " I should like to ask them, Why not ? 
 Nobody yet knows who St. Luke's Theophilus 
 was ; but if he were only an imaginary being, 
 and styled " most excellent," merely as a lover 
 of God, (as the name imports in Greek) was not 
 George III. generally regarded as a lover of God 
 and a good Christian? Did the Spirit or " in- 
 ward light" ever move any Quakers to tell him 
 he was otherwise, or even incline them to think 
 so ? I am not disposed to take any liberties with 
 the Holy Scriptures, but I certainly do not see 
 why, in regard to the Quakers, George III. was 
 not as excellent as any real or imaginary Theo- 
 philus, and our modern Judges as noble as Fesfus,
 
 QUAKERS. 271 
 
 upon the Quakers' own principles. They may 
 cite Elihu as long as they please, though I think 
 Elihu had partiality in his head more than flat- 
 tery ; but at all events, it was a real fault with 
 the Arabians, (among whom the book of Job is 
 supposed by some to have been written,) to use 
 flattering titles, not as forms of address, sanc- 
 tioned or established by the laws, but for the 
 very purpose of obtaining some favor or gratuity, 
 and therefore in the very spirit of low, merce- 
 nary, abject flattery the very word in Hebrew, 
 and its corresponding term in Arabic, signifying 
 according to Castell and Schultens, cited by 
 Parkhurst, " to call a person by a name that 
 does not strictly belong to him, in compliment 
 or flattery" Are the Quakers to suppose that 
 among all their contemporary countrymen there 
 is none really honorable, no not one ? None 
 really noble, none reverend, none icorthy ? To 
 discard titles so generally, must imply this 
 Elihu was certainly no Quaker, for in Ch. xxxiv. 
 ver. 2, if I am not much mistaken, he calls 
 those wise men, and in ver. 10, men of understand- 
 ing, whom in Ch. xxxii. 9, he seems strongly 
 to intimate, he did not actually esteem to be 
 wise, or to be very sound of judgment. He was
 
 272 QUAKERS. 
 
 % 
 
 no Quaker, for he seems to doabt, Ver. 18, Ch, 
 xxxiv. whether it could be fit to say to a King, 
 thou art wicked, or to Princes, ye are ungodly. 
 The truth is, the Quakers acknowledge that 
 some very high titles, as " most excellent," and 
 " most noble," may be applied to persons, con- 
 sistently with the Spirit of the Gospel, if applied 
 properly. In refusing such titles therefore, the 
 onus probandi lies upon them to shew, why in 
 particular instances they may not be proper. 
 They can discriminate between Festus and Felix, 
 who held the same office, but whom St. Paul did 
 not equally call " most noble," and why then 
 should titles be generally and entirely discarded, 
 for if there should be many Felixes high in rank 
 or office, may there not also be many Festuses ? 
 At first , (though they soon became better man- 
 nered) the Quakers pretty well knew how to give 
 bad titles, though they shunned giving any good 
 ones. I shall mention a few from Leslie, ex- 
 tracted from their own writings. Conjurors, 
 Thieves, Robbers, Antichrists, Witches, Devils, scar- 
 let-coloured Beasts, Blood-hounds, Lizards, Moles, 
 Tinkers, green-headed Trumpeters, Wheel-barrows, 
 Gimcracks, Whirlpools, Whirligigs, Moon-calves, 
 Thread-bare Tafterdemaltiotis, Serpents, Vipers, Mi-
 
 QUAKERS. 273 
 
 
 
 nisters of the Devil, ravening Evening Wolves and 
 .Bears, Devils incarnate, Devil-driven, dungy Dogs, 
 Shalloiv-heads, Clamourers, Apostates. Modern 
 Quakers are far better; but I think such a selec- 
 tion of bad titles bestowed on their adversaries 
 and opponents, bespeaks a radical defect in their 
 system of belief, as exemplified in their earliest 
 proceedings, for I am citing works of more than 
 a century old *. Take one or two more in^ 
 
 * I beg that this may be attended to, for I have been accused, by 
 a very eminent and distinguished Quaker, of raking up and reviving 
 these things, merely out of spite and malice. Fanaticism is always 
 the same ; I have no intention of making modern Quakers respon- 
 sible for the absurdities of the first founders of the Sect, but as " the 
 gift of the Holy Spirit," (to cite a modern, and I believe a living 
 Quaker,) " is a doctrine on which the Quakers insist more than 
 other professors of the Christian name," surely we who are not 
 Quakers have a right to enquire into the fruits of the Spirit in regard 
 to Quakers, whether ancient or modern ; the pretensions being at 
 all events the same. The claim to spiritual influences, is always a 
 very questionable claim, (miracles being now at an end, amongst 
 Protestants at least) and the celebrated Whitfield, the Methodist, 
 has given us as good a caution upon this head, perhaps as any body. 
 " Alas ! alas !" says he in his Journal, " in how many things have I 
 judged and acted wrong ! being fond of Scripture language, I have 
 often used a style too apostolical, and been too bitter in my zeal ; 
 and I find I have frequently wrote and spoke too much in my own 
 spirit, when I thought, I was writing and speaking, entirely by the 
 assistance of the Spirit of God." And again, " Henceforward Satan 
 transformed himself into an angel of light, and worked so artfully, that 
 
 VOL. II. T
 
 274 QUAKERS. 
 
 stances, particularly the following case of Mr. 
 John Pennyman, who began to grow sick of 
 their company. They bestowed on him, accord- 
 ing to Leslie, the following titles : Grinning 
 Dog, Whiffling Cur, the Devil's Agent, the Devil's 
 Drudge, the Devil's Porter, Vassal of Hell, cursed 
 Serpent, Bondslave of the Devil, with a hundred 
 such compliments. They even called him " un- 
 clean nasty Spirit." Now, says Leslie, (who knew 
 him,) he is the neatest old man, and. the most 
 inoffensive I think I ever saw. See Vol. I. 
 p. 227. 
 
 The following invective by one Fisher, was 
 directed against no less a man than the cele- 
 brated Dr. John Owen, Dean of Christ Church. 
 " Thoujfery Fighter and green-headed Trumpeter; 
 thou Hedge-hog and Grinning Dog; thou Bastard, 
 that tumbled out of the mouth of the Babylonish 
 bawd ; thou Mole ; thou Tinker ; thou Lizard ; 
 thou Bell of no Mettle but the tone of a Kettle ; 
 thou Wheelbarrow; thou Whirligig; O thou Fire- 
 brand; thou Adder and Scorpion; thou Louse; 
 
 I imagmtdtYie good and not the evil Spirit, suggested to me all I did!" 
 After this, who can venture to say it is not well to watch the work- 
 ings of the Spirit, in those, " who insist" upon its influences " more 
 than others?"
 
 QUAKERS. 275 
 
 thou Cow-dung; thou Moon-calf; thou ragged 
 Tatterdemallion ; thou Judas ; thou livest in phi- 
 losophy and logic, which are of the Devil !" 
 
 Could the self-same Spirit that is supposed to 
 have informed Luke and Paul that Theophilus 
 and Festus were " most excellent" and " most noble," 
 have informed or convinced any of these Saints or 
 Quakers of former days, that their opponents 
 were really Whirligigs and Wheelbarrows, Li- 
 zards, Moles, or Devils incarnate ? 
 
 To be sure the Quakers of those days, who 
 gave these titles to their opponents, were care- 
 ful to assert that they did not proceed from anger 
 or passion, but from a just and godly zeal against 
 deceivers and deceit. Hudibras may answer 
 this. 
 
 " The Saints may do the same things, by 
 The Spirit, in sincerity, 
 Which other men are tempted to, 
 And at the Devil's instance do. 
 All Piety consists therein 
 With them, in other men all Sin." 
 
 To conclude this portion of my work ; the 
 
 Quakers may be very worthy good people, quiet 
 
 subjects, honest, just and charitable, but yet I 
 
 do not like their ways; nor their passive, though 
 
 T 2
 
 276 QUAKERS. 
 
 I would withhold no praise due to their active 
 virtues. Their passive virtues approach nearer to 
 vices ; in the refusal to pay tithes, to illuminate 
 on nights of rejoicing, &c. &c. In both in- 
 stances, while Peace is in their mouths, they 
 wantonly provoke strife and contention *. They 
 compel even a Clergyman to fight for his dues, 
 and sooner than light a few tallow candles and 
 put them in their windows, to avoid riot and 
 confusion, expose the lives of their fellow-sub- 
 jects to destruction, and their neighbours' 
 houses and persons to the fury of an irritated 
 populace. How can they pretend, as they do, 
 to cite in their favour, as obedient subjects, the 
 following strong passages : " Let every soul be 
 subject unto the higher powers" (surely not to 
 their persons only but their laws) " Put them in 
 mind to obey Magistrates" " Submit yourselves 
 to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake" 
 " As free, and not using your freedom for a cloke 
 of maliciousness." Though this be generally 
 interpreted of persons in the following passages, 
 as " of the King as supreme," or " Governors," 
 &c. 1 Peter ii. 13, 14. I am much more disposed 
 
 * I cannot retract this or expunge it, though admonished so to do.
 
 QUAKERS. 277 
 
 to render it, every law, statute, or decree, made 
 by any civil Governors. I will venture to say it 
 is so used all through the Old Testament, and 
 New Testament also, if we except the very pas- 
 sage which the Quakers quote, 1 Peter ii. 13. 
 and which is generally referred to Magistrates, 
 rather than to the laws they have to administer. 
 Though Dr. Doddridge indeed paraphrases it in 
 such a way as to include both, Beza expressly 
 considers it as referring to that obedience, 
 " Quae turn legibus turn magistratibus debeter," 
 and his note is, Ordinationi, xnasi, id est, TX^SI 
 KXI voXireip. The French, in their translation at 
 the least, leave it open to both, etablissements 
 humain, which may express a constituted law as 
 well as a constituted Magistrate. " Whosoever 
 resisteth the power" saith St. Paul, " resisteth 
 the ordinance of God." I know that two different 
 Greek words are used to express the term ordi- 
 nance in the New Testament, but I am confident 
 both of them may imply, the passing of a law or 
 ordaining any thing by a decree, as well as the 
 appointment of Kings, or Governors, and I there- 
 fore hold, that not the persons only, but the 
 laws of any supreme Governor or Governors in a 
 state, ought according to the strict rules of Chris-
 
 QUAKERS. 
 
 tianity to be obeyed, and that the Quakers there- 
 fore are not right to resist such ordinances, as the 
 regular payment of tithes, for instance, in which 
 they generally betray great obstinacy and per- 
 verseness, for I can scarcely call it by any other 
 name. I shall quote against them to this pur- 
 pose, a passage, which I find in a book written 
 by one Friend Tuke *, and which was given to 
 me by a Quaker. " In every society, civil or 
 religious, submission is necessary to the regu- 
 lations of that society, in order to prevent the 
 licentiousness and confusion which would fol- 
 low, if every man acted upon his own ideas, 
 without any external restriction" Surely this 
 passage bears hard upon themselves, who in so 
 many instances refuse to comply with the regu- 
 lations of that society, to which as members and 
 subjects of the state, they necessarily belong, 
 and who so pertinaciously follow their own ideas 
 in all they do. The primitive Quakers indeed 
 were less inconsistent, for to back their refusal of 
 tithes, they put forth a declaration, signed by 7000, 
 abolishing all the laws, and anathematising all the 
 law-makers who enact tithes, the payers and re- 
 
 An admirable little book ill many respects, and conclusive I think 
 against the Catvinisis.
 
 279 
 
 ceivers of them, or any who countenance or own 
 them. This was in the year 1659. 
 
 The Quakers I think would be puzzled how to 
 act if they were great travellers ; for as they 
 refuse here to uncover the head in token of re- 
 spect, in Turkey they should uncover them for 
 the very same reason, it not being usual to un- 
 cover the head there even in presence of the 
 Grand Seignior. 
 
 The rise of the Quakers was in a period of 
 such anarchy and confusion, that we cannot be 
 surprised to find the original founders of the 
 sect exceeding all bounds of sobriety in their 
 tenets and manners *. The following account of 
 the changes 'that occurred, before the sect was 
 half a century old, is certainly very curious. 
 " At their first setting up, when they were poor 
 and beggarly, it was their constant theme to rail 
 at fine, houses, and costly furniture, particularly 
 against coaches, which they despised, as the Fox 
 did the grapes which were out of his reach. They 
 made these the infallible marks of pride, and of 
 the world's people. No man denies that pride 
 is a sin : and that men may be proud of these 
 
 * I have been accused of not attending to times and circumstances 
 surely the above passage is* proof enough to the contrary.
 
 280 QUAKERS. 
 
 things. But the Quakers made the having of 
 these things, or using of them, to be Pride. They 
 published a book with this magnificent title, The 
 Trumpet of the Lord blown, &c. anno 1655, which 
 begins thus : " Wo unto you that are called 
 Lords, Ladies, Knights, Gentlemen and Gentlewo- 
 men, in respect to your person* who are called 
 of men, Master and Sir, and Mistress and Madam. 
 And you must have your wine and ale and all 
 your daintie dishes and you have your fine attire, 
 silk, velvet and purple, gold and silver and you 
 have your waiting men and waiting maids under 
 you to wait upon you ; and your coaches to ride 
 in, and your high and lofty horses and here you 
 are Lords over your fellow creatures, and they 
 must bow and crouch to you and you will be 
 called Masters upholding that which Christ in 
 his doctrine forbids, who saith, ' Be ye not 
 called Masters.' The Lord abhors all your pro- 
 fession your works are the works of the Devil 
 in your daintie disltes in your lofty horses in 
 your curious buildings in your worldly honour, 
 which is all the fruits of the Devil, you are too 
 high and^ne, and too lofty to enter in at the strait 
 gate, &,c." " Yet now, (viz. less than 50 years 
 afterwards) none are more high and /we than the
 
 QUAKERS. 281 
 
 Quakers ! they have their lofty horses, yea verily 
 and their coaches to boot their daintie dishes, wait- 
 ing men, &c. For the case is altered, quoth Plou- 
 den; they had then, poor souls, none of these ten- 
 tations; George Fox (their founder) was known 
 by the name of the man with the leathern breeches: 
 but now they are grown^e and rampant! Now 
 they strive to outdo their neighbours injine houses 
 and furniture. They have got coaches too ! ay 
 marry ! but you must not call them coaches, for 
 that is a mark of the beast ; but as one of them 
 said, when his coach was objected to, as contrary 
 to their ancient testimonies, he replied, that it was 
 not a coach, only a leathern conveniency ! Like the 
 traveller who- told that they had no knives in 
 France, and being asked how they cut their 
 meat, said, with a certain thing they call a Cou- 
 teau." 
 
 Quakers for the most part mean to be inoffen- 
 sive, and many of them, it is well known, have 
 on trying occasions displayed the most exalted 
 spirit of charity and benevolence ; it surprises 
 me the more to observe, that they are not aware 
 of the imputations they fall under, by leading a 
 life, which must involve them in a great deal of
 
 282 QUAKERS. 
 
 practical sophistry *, for I can find no better 
 name to give to that course they pursue, of still 
 evading (as in the case just cited) any open aban- 
 donment of their rigid principles. The cele- 
 brated Dr. Franklin has recorded some cases of 
 this nature, which are very curious. He tells us 
 in his Letters, that in America he had frequent 
 occasion to notice the shifts made by the Quakers, 
 when applied to grant aids for military purposes. 
 Being once solicited to agree to a grant of 
 money to government to buy gunpowder, they 
 would not do it, because that was an ingredient 
 of war ; but they readily voted an aid of 3000/. 
 to New England, to be put into the hands of the 
 Governor, and appropriated to the purchase of 
 bread, flour, wheat, or oilier grain. Provision of 
 bread, flour, wheat, not being amongst the things 
 demanded, the Governor was advised not to ac- 
 cept the proposal ; but he was shrewd enough to 
 see through their design, and to comprehend, 
 that under the terms other grain, gunpowder might 
 
 * There is extant a very curious address, by the famous Mirabeau, 
 to a deputation of Quakers at the bar of the National Assembly, at the 
 commencement of the French Revolution, in which he plainly charges 
 them with violating their own principles, in the extreme care they take 
 not to violate them.
 
 QUAKERS. 283 
 
 pass, which he accordingly bought, and they 
 never objected to it. 
 
 In Mr. Ramsay's Dictionary of Anecdotes, 
 where the above story is recited, another instance 
 is given of their practical sophistry. Two ves- 
 sels being brought to an engagement, in one 
 of them was a Quaker, who on the footing of his 
 religious principles against war and fighting, 
 withstood every solicitation to lend an hand, 
 though the enemy all the time was pouring in his 
 shot with the most fatal effect ; but the French 
 having attempted to board, the Quaker very 
 coolly and deliberately went up to the first man 
 who leaped on deck, and taking him by the col- 
 lar, said, " Friend, thou hast no business here," 
 and immediately shoved him over the ship's 
 side. 
 
 Bishop Parker tells the following story ; that 
 they not only met the oftener because they 
 thought they were forbidden to meet by stat. 35th 
 Elizabeth, but that a large assembly of them, in 
 the reign of Charles II. having protracted their 
 sitting to a very long and tedious period, could 
 not be prevailed with to break up till a merry 
 wag thought of this stratagem ; he caused it to 
 be proclaimed in the King's name, " that no one
 
 284 QUAKERS. 
 
 should depart without his leave." On hearing of 
 which they all immediately rose and went away, 
 that it should not be said they paid obedience to 
 any man. 
 
 It is quite remarkable that persons who ap- 
 pear to have the most exalted ideas of integrity, 
 should submit to the subterfuges they occasion- 
 ally adopt. The following is another story to 
 be found in the Dictionary of Anecdotes. A 
 Quaker refused to pay, according to the custom 
 of his sect, the dues of the Minister of the pa- 
 rish ; the latter forbore to proceed to extremities 
 till he was compelled by the remonstrances of 
 the other parishioners, who refused to pay any 
 more tithes unless the Quaker paid his. Before 
 however the Clergyman had recourse to compul- 
 sory means, he invited the Quaker to dinner, 
 who knowing the temper of the parish, took from 
 his pocket, after dinner, a bank note, saying, 
 " Take that is thy due." The Minister offering 
 the balance above the amount of his tithes, the 
 Quaker refused, adding, " thy meat-offering and 
 drink-offering were very good, and therefore it is 
 but just that thou shouldest bepaid for the same" 
 The Minister took the hint, and by adopting the
 
 QUAKERS. 285 
 
 same method annually, never had any further 
 altercation with him*. 
 
 * It has been intimated to me, through my publishers, that none of 
 these statements are true. I have given my authorities, and to say 
 that I look upon them as mere fabrications, would be to acknowledge 
 more than I feel. I have personally witnessed cases not far different, 
 yet I do not wish to be thought to bring them forward illiberally or 
 insultingly far from it many Quakers, I can easily believe, are at 
 this moment living examples of every Christian virtue ; but yet it 
 ought to be acknowledged, that on the score of their singularities, in 
 dress, speech, and abstinence from all worldly amusements and en- 
 joj'inerits, they are, at the same time, living satires on all other sects 
 of Christians, who are in no manner bound to submit to such reflec- 
 tions on their general conduct. If the Quakers are right, how many 
 other professed Christians must be egregiously wrong !
 
 WIGS. 
 
 I WILL freely confess that when I began this 
 work, I had so little design of writing about 
 Wigs, that if any body had told me, I should 
 come to them in the course of my lucubrations, 
 I should not have believed him. And now, if it 
 should appear to any of my readers to be altoge- 
 ther an unwarrantable digression, totally uncon- 
 nected with what has gone before, I am willing 
 to stand engaged to return them such a propor- 
 tion of their purchase money, (for having been 
 seduced into the trouble of reading it,) as the 
 precise quantity of the section may be judged to 
 be worth, in comparison with the total amount 
 of pages and sections of which the work at large 
 may consist. As new ideas arise, I cannot help 
 pursuing them, and not having persons con- 
 stantly at my elbow to talk to about them, I do 
 as Montaigne did, I talk to my paper. Wigs are 
 now reduced in this kingdom, to mere marks of 
 distinction ; our Bishops and our Judges are a/most
 
 WIGS. 287 
 
 the only persons who wear them ; except the 
 Barristers when attending our Courts of Law, 
 who only huddle them on over their own hair, 
 so as to make them look for all the world like 
 the beperiwigged chimney-sweeps, that we see 
 about the streets on May-day. To our Bishops 
 and Judges however they continue, if I may so 
 say, appropriate marks of dignity, gravity, and 
 importance. The wonder is, that this should be 
 so, considering the history of Wigs. In former 
 days, so little were they tought to be the em- 
 blems of gravity and dignity, that the primitive 
 Quakers seem to have found less to object against 
 titles than against Wigs. They tried to put them 
 down, by inveighing against them both in prose 
 and verse, in terms sometimes too indecorous 
 and sometimes too indelicate to be repeated. 
 They contended that " the Prophet Elisha likely 
 had no Wig, when Bethel-boys cried bald Pate." 
 They would not " believe that Peter and Paul 
 wore Wigs, because if they had, the women 
 Christians whom they reproved might have re- 
 torted upon them thus, Was that the cause, Peter 
 and Paul, that you bad us leave our locks, that 
 you and such like might get them to yourselves 
 to make periwigs of?" They boasted " how
 
 288 WIGS. 
 
 John Milliner (an odd name) a Friend, about Nor- 
 thampton, a Wig-maker, left off his trade, and 
 was made to burn one in his apprentice's sight, 
 and print against it. And that John Hall, a 
 gentleman of Northumberland, being convinced 
 while sitting at a meeting, was so shaken by the 
 Lord's power, as to pluck off, and cast away his 
 Wig." Upon which, a celebrated commentator 
 in after times could not forbear exclaiming, 
 " When shall we see such a power in the Qua- 
 kers' meetings now ? to see their wigs fly about, 
 or left for mops to clean the house ; and they 
 come out all Elisha's?" They called the Wig- 
 wearers, in contempt both of the fashion and the 
 sect, counterfeit Calvinists, from " calvus" bald 
 (a sad pun!) They concluded, that John Huss 
 had plainly no wig, not only because " he suf- 
 fered for opposing Preacher's Pride," but be- 
 cause, having bequeathed in his will, his white 
 coat to one, and his grey coat to another, he 
 said nothing about any white, grey, brown, or 
 even black wig. They much admired the wisdom 
 of the American Indians, of whom it had been 
 reported, that " when they saw Captain Morley 
 take off his wig, they cried out he had two heads." 
 And were exceedingly well pleased with a Bishop
 
 WIGS. 
 
 of Exeter of those times, who at his Visitation 
 had particularly censured his Clergy for indulg- 
 ing in the foppery of periwigs. Nothing however 
 I think could well surpass the following critical 
 slur upon Wigs ; the Greek preposition irsp, say 
 they, not only signifies about, but (in composi- 
 tion,) a sort of excellency, as in the term KepiTa/Ay (!) 
 which means excellently cut, as well as cut about ; 
 base wigs therefore can have no right to be called 
 periwigs. This need not however disturb our Bi- 
 shops, for most of them have wigs so excellently 
 cut, as to appear of the very essence of peri- 
 wiggism. How they are to escape the imputa- 
 tion of Calvinism is another question. The pri- 
 mitive Quakers seem to have supposed that all 
 the men's wigs were made of women's hair, and 
 that they of course bespoke not only foppery, 
 but extreme effeminacy. " Women's hairs on 
 men's heads," say they, " swarm like one of 
 Egypt's plagues, and creep in too much upon 
 and among Christians ;" periwigs of a light co- 
 lour were it seems the fashion, which gave ground 
 for this suspicion. It was against such in par- 
 ticular that the Bishop of Exeter inveighed as 
 they would have us understand, and it was on 
 the same ground they entertained the odd idea 
 
 VOL. II. U
 
 290 WIGS. 
 
 of the Christian women retaliating upon Peter 
 and Paul. 
 
 The manner of this age unmannerlj 
 Is, Man unmanning Women's hair to buy 
 Dub Poles and Johs, Dame Venus' Knights to be, 
 &c. &c. 
 
 I need not cite any more of these elegant 
 verses, as they are all of a piece, and a small 
 taste may serve to give you the flavor of the 
 whole, which is bad enough at best ; they are 
 merely brought forward to prove the grounds of 
 their objection to light coloured wigs. 
 
 But they had other objections to wigs 
 namely, that being composed of false hair, or 
 hair not natural to the owner, they argued a 
 want of sincerity, and disposition to deceive. For 
 this, say they, the heathen may rise up against us, 
 for an ambassador coming before a senate with 
 false hair, a grave senator said, " What credit is 
 to be had to him whose very locks do lie ?" and 
 Philip King of Macedon put one of his courtiers 
 out of his office, because he wore hair of another 
 colour than natural, saying, " he would not be 
 true to the public that was treacherous to his 
 own hairs."
 
 WIGS. 291 
 
 Now, wigs adopted for the mere sake of dis- 
 tinction tell no lies. A Bishop's wig is meant to 
 shew that the person wearing it is a Bishop, and 
 it does so ; effectually enough of all conscience, 
 in these unwiggish times. And as it is required 
 that a Bishop should be above thirty years of age, 
 the wig is admirably calculated to prove this 
 also ; that is, to make any man, Bishop or not, 
 appear not only as much, or more, but even I 
 think much more, than thirty years of age ! As 
 to the Judge's wig, there is no deception in that. 
 It is now at least, if not (like the painted bodies 
 of our British ancestors,) originally, meant for 
 effect ; I speak of his full-bottomed wig. His other 
 wigs, tie, and bob, (for so I think they are called,) 
 are only intended to denote gravity and dignity. 
 But his full-bottomed wig, especially with a 
 black cap upon it, is certainly enough to frighten 
 any body out of his wits. 
 
 The primitive Quakers thought a common wig 
 so preposterous, that they speak of it as " apt to 
 affright a child unused to it, like the horrid and 
 hideous head of a snake-hair-twisted gorgon, or 
 cristed Bellona, as Homer says Hector did his 
 son with his horse-maned helmet." Were this 
 all true, I should still wish the Judge's wig to 
 u2
 
 292 WIGS. 
 
 have something terrific in it. Our modern Judges 
 have nothing so terrific in their private or public 
 characters, as necessarily to appal the culprits 
 who are brought before them. If their snake- 
 hair-twisted wigs, were but capable of petrifying 
 into a lasting silence, some of the Radicals and 
 Atheists who have of late years only appeared 
 before them for the express purpose of insulting 
 their authority, or exhausting their patience, all 
 right-minded Englishmen would I believe most 
 heartily rejoice ; that their wigs have however 
 an effect similar to that of the horse-maned hel- 
 met of the Trojan Prince, I have seen enough to 
 convince me, and am therefore an advocate for 
 its not being laid aside. I once knew a particu- 
 larly amiable and good-natured Judge, who was 
 so notoriously fond of children, that on his cir- 
 cuits, during the few hours of rest and relaxa- 
 tion he could enjoy, if he had acquaintance in 
 the place, he would send for their little children 
 to prattle to him. Upon such occasions I have 
 seen them talking to him, and playing around 
 him with as much freedom as in their nursery, 
 till the time came for him to return to Court ; 
 but the moment his attendants had robed him 
 and put on his great wig, their gambols ceased,
 
 WIGS. 293 
 
 and their familiarities were at an end. I am 
 confident therefore that the Judge's wig adds 
 solemnity to the awful scenes in which he is 
 continually engaged ; while the more it is out of 
 fashion the better. 
 
 " Men are not equal, and 'tis meet and right, 
 That robes and titles our respect excite ; 
 Order requires it ; 'tis by vulgar pride, 
 That sach regard is censur'd and denied." 
 
 CRABBE. 
 
 It is the same indeed with the Bishop's wig; 
 the less common it is, the more it adds to the 
 peculiarity of their appearance, and though I 
 am not prepared to say, it is the best personal 
 distinction that might now be devised, I am 
 convinced nobody will place it to the account of 
 foppery or effeminacy, which might of course be 
 otherwise, if boys at school, and under gradu- 
 ates in the Universities wore wigs, as was the 
 case in the days of Terra-Jilius, about a century 
 ago. " No sooner," says he, in his Address to 
 Gentlemen School-boys, " do you shake off the 
 authority of the Birch, but you affect to distin- 
 guish yourselves from your dirty school-fellows 
 by a new suit of drugget, a pair of prim ruffles, a 
 new BOB-WIG, and a brazen hilted sword ; in which
 
 294 WIGS. 
 
 tawdry manner you strut about town for a week 
 or two, before you go to College." 
 
 In the admirable History of Tom Jones, speak- 
 ing of the blind passion of love, as prevailing 
 amongst girls and boys, the periwig-maker is 
 mentioned as one of the most important person- 
 ages concerned in the outward decoration of the 
 latter! 
 
 There is perhaps more foppery in the Bishop's 
 short cassock, if the truth were known, than in his 
 wig, though at present it certainly is not so re- 
 garded. But I remember an old Prelate, who 
 used to call it & jockey-dress, and possibly it was 
 only the full cassock shortened for riding, when 
 coaches were less in use ; for at such time, the 
 Judges had short gowns, to ride on their circuits ; 
 one of which I am old enough to have seen, and 
 shall never forget begging to be permitted to 
 advise the Judge who wore it, never to wear it 
 again, for it was certainly the most absurd robe 
 I ever saw ; though still better perhaps than the 
 no robe at all, of modern Republican Judges, one 
 of whom (in America) has been very lately de- 
 scribed, as coming into Court in his most ordi- 
 nary apparel, taking his seat on the bench with 
 a segar in his mouth ; as the Court grew warm
 
 WIGS. 295 
 
 taking off his coat, and as it grew hot, even his 
 waistcoat also ! 
 
 I have endeavoured to shew that the few wigs 
 that remain among us, (ostensibly,') are clear of 
 two great faults attributed to wigs by the primi- 
 tive Quakers, foppery and deception; the Bishop's 
 wig is intended to cry Bishop, and in the pre- 
 sent state of things it certainly does so. The 
 Judge's wig is meant to make him look both 
 grave and formidable, and it has that effect. 
 The Speaker's wig is meant to give him weight 
 and authority, but it is only worn occasionally. 
 The Speaker is no longer of necessity a Calvinist, 
 as the Bishops and Judges are, in Quaker lan- 
 guage. Neither are the Barristers or Civilians 
 in general Calvinists; commonly they have a good 
 quantity of natural locks under their perched-up 
 tie wigs, and foppery being out of the question, 
 the only deception they seem from appearances to 
 aim at, is that of being taken for monkies or ba- 
 boons, instead of men. But there may be wigs 
 in existence amongst us, (I don't say there are) 
 which it would be difficult to defend from either 
 of the two Quaker charges, offoppenj or deception. 
 If for instance, any persons, male or female, of a 
 certain age, should part with their natural locks,
 
 296 WIGS. 
 
 to supply their place with younger-looking hair ; 
 if, as Martial says, some of our old White Sivans 
 should suddenly appear in the world as Black 
 Crows, there would certainly be in such meta- 
 morphoses both foppery and deception ; or rather 
 complete foppery and attempted deception ; for 
 to any such we might surely say as Martial does 
 to Lentinus upon his falsely colouring his hair, 
 (which is much the same as false ringlets,) 
 
 " Non omnes fallis ; scit te Proserpina canum : 
 Personam capiti detrahet ilia tno." 
 
 Flaxen or auburn, or brown wigs, will set none 
 at a greater distance from the grave than they 
 really are ; they will fill up no wrinkles, steady 
 no tottering limbs, re-animate no fading eyes. 
 Surely it would be wiser in such persons, either 
 to be content with Solomon's crown of glory, if 
 they have it, or if they should be disposed to 
 part with it, still to pretend to have it, rather 
 than to wear a fool's-cap, or the daw's borrowed 
 feathers instead. By the laws of the Mahome- 
 tans, the use of false hair is absolutely proscribed, 
 but especially to hide the approaches or marks of 
 old age in women. Which is well enough ; be- 
 cause in regard to such wigs, ladies have an ad-
 
 WIGS. 297 
 
 vantage over gentlemen, having (commonly) less 
 tell-tale chins. 
 
 " Cana est barba tibi : nigra est coma : tingerc barium 
 Non potes, hacc causa est : sed potes, Ole, comam." 
 
 What an advantage the Irish would have if 
 they could find the " Fountayne" in Ulster, of 
 which Gyraldus Cambrensis writes, who is thus 
 cited by the curious author of the description 
 of that country in Hollinshed ! " Touching the 
 estraunge Welles that be in Ireland, I purpose 
 to speake little more than that which I finde in 
 Cambriense, whose wordes I wyll Englishe, as 
 they are latined in his booke. There is, sayth 
 he, a Well in Mounster, with the water of which 
 if any be washt, he becomtneth foorthwith hoare. 
 I have seene a man that had one halfe of his bearde, 
 being dyed with that water, hoare, the other 
 halfe unwasht was brown, remayning still in his 
 naturall colour. Contrary wyse, there is a Foun- 
 tayne in the further edge of ULSTER, and if one 
 be bathed therewith, he shal not become hoare, 
 in which Well such as loath gray heares are accus- 
 tomed to dive" Surely the Irish are great sim- 
 pletons not to endeavour to revive this " Foun- 
 tain," if it be only lost by accident. What a
 
 298 WIGS. 
 
 rival to our City of BATH might they not raise 
 upon the spot ! But to return. 
 
 Our Calvinists or bald pates, have never I think 
 arrived at such a pitch of foppery or deception, as 
 the Epigrammist records of his countrymen 
 
 Mentiris fictos unguento Phoebe capillos, 
 Et tegitar piciis sordida calva comis. 
 Tonsorem capiti non est adhibere necessum ; 
 Radere te raelins Spongia, Phoebe, potest. 
 
 That is, the bald-headed Romans used to have 
 their pates absolutely stained or painted in lines 
 or streaks to imitate hairs ; of course, they were 
 never made to resemble white or grey hairs ; a 
 sponge, says the witty poet, would serve for such 
 better than a Barber. This painting of Polls at 
 Rome would almost appear to have suggested to 
 our English Barbers the painting of those long 
 poles, which though no more to be seen in Lon- 
 don, are still used to designate the Barber's shop 
 in our country villages. Formerly they were 
 covered with ribbons; but are now painted in 
 stripes and bands, to imitate them. Who knows 
 but I may have been happy enough to lay the 
 foundation for a new fashion amongst us ? or if 
 wigs should be preferred, you shall have the pat-
 
 , 
 
 WIGS. 299 
 
 tern of the Emperor Ctttnmodus's. It was pow- 
 dered, Lampridius tells us, with scrapings of 
 gold, and pomatumed with glutinous perfumes 
 to keep the powder in ! 
 
 When wigs were so generally worn as to ex- 
 tend to Schoolboys arid Collegians, the world must 
 have exhibited, I think, one of the oddest scenes 
 of confusion that could be conceived ; the young 
 must have consented to look old, while the old 
 must have been excused for looking young. To 
 explain this, it should be observed that the wigs 
 most in repute appear to have been grey or white 
 wigs. The browns and the blacks were the cos- 
 tume only of slovens, plebeians, country-bumpkins, 
 8cc. &c. " Prithee Dick lets burn this d n'd 
 bfmvn wig of thine, and get thee a little more 
 linen," is the expression Terra-films puts into 
 the mouths of his young Collegians, who were 
 endeavouring to make a coxcomb of one of their 
 too-plodding companions. Flaxen wigs were also 
 much in vogue. " The greatest Beau at our next 
 Country Sessions was dressed in a most mon- 
 strous flaxen periwig, that was made in King 
 William's reign." Spectator, No. 129. Take 
 the description of an Oxford Gentleman Com- 
 moner Dandy of those days. " When he walks
 
 300 WIGS. 
 
 the streets he is easily distinguished by a stiff 
 silk gown, which rustles in the wind, as he struts 
 along; a. flaxen TIE-WIG; a broad bully-cocked 
 hat, or a square cap of above twice the usual size; 
 white stockings, thin Spanish leather shoes ; his 
 cloaths lined with tawdry silk, and his shirt ruf- 
 fled down the bosom as well as at the wrists. He 
 has a delicate jaunt in his gait, and smells very 
 philosophically of essence." 
 
 But the same learned author gives us an exact 
 account of the rise and progress of Oxford Dan- 
 dyism in his days, which as it includes some ac- 
 count of wigs, may fairly enough be transcribed 
 here. " I have observed a great many of these 
 transitory foplings, who came to the University 
 with their fathers, (rusty, old country farmers,) 
 in linsey-woolsey coats, greasy sun-burnt heads of 
 hair, clouted shoes, yarn stockings, flapping hats, 
 with silver hat-bands, and long muslin neckcloths, 
 run with red at the bottom : a month or two after- 
 wards I have met them with BOB- WIGS, and new 
 shoes, Oxford cut; a month or two more after this, 
 they appeared in drugget cloaths and worsted stock- 
 ings; then in TIE-WIGS and ruffles; and then in 
 silk-gowns; till by degrees they were metamor- 
 phosed into complete smarts, and damned the
 
 WIGS. 301 
 
 old country-putts, their fathers, with twenty fop- 
 pish airs and gesticulations." 
 
 So much for these flaxen-wigged youngsters. 
 Where the flaxen hair came from I cannot pre- 
 tend to say, but grey or white could in its purity 
 (for I believe they had methods of bleaching hair) 
 have come only from the heads of the aged, and 
 yet these sorts of hair are not only known to 
 have been most in request amongst the peruke- 
 makers, but to have sometimes sold so high as 
 for five pounds the ounce ! What a rare time 
 for old bachelors and dowagers, &c. : they might, 
 by selling their old locks, and only consenting 
 to take' black or brown instead, have become 
 young again, and richer at the same time. 
 
 In case wigs should ever again become a gene- 
 ral fashion, I deem it proper to give this hint, 
 that people would do well to live temperately, 
 who may have any hair to part with ; the old 
 wig-makers having made objections to the hair 
 of drunkards, and in their purchases constantly 
 refused to give so high a price for it, as for the 
 locks of a sober man, or milk-sop. 
 
 It may be something curious to know how the 
 tt'zg-makers managed to form one uniform wig, 
 bob, tie, or full bottomed, out of a variety of
 
 302 WIGS. 
 
 raw materials, some hairs being known to be 
 far more yielding and curlable than others. I 
 happen to have the receipt by me, from which 
 it appears that after having picked and sorted 
 the hair, and disposed it in parcels, according 
 to their lengths, they rolled them up, and tied 
 them tight down, upon little cylindrical instru- 
 ments, either of wood or earthen ware, and hol- 
 lowed a little in the middle; in which state they 
 were put into a pot over thejire, there to boil for 
 about two hours. When taken out they let them 
 dry ; and when dried, spread them on a sheet of 
 brown paper, and covered them with another, 
 and sent them to the pastry-cook ! who making a 
 crust or coffin around them of common paste, set 
 them in his oven, till the crust was about three- 
 fourths baked. It must have been I think a great 
 mercy, if, living in those times, nobody got a 
 wig pie, or wig patties, sent home to them for 
 dinner by mistake ! It is upon record indeed, 
 that some sad WIG mistakes did arise, though not 
 in the pie, patty, or pudding way. One in par- 
 ticular at Oxford; where a. fat Alderman having 
 received from his barber a thin Physicians wig, 
 appeared so bloated to his wife and family, as to 
 be persuaded, instead of a common airing, to
 
 WIGS. 303 
 
 drive to the very Physician whose wig he had 
 put on by mistake, for advice. But when he got 
 to the door, the Physician could not be seen. 
 In fact, he had by the same blunder, put on the 
 fat Alderman's wig, and so reduced his previ- 
 ously cadaverous and skeleton countenance, as 
 to be absolutely frightened into bed, with a con- 
 sumption. Fortunately before either of them 
 died, (which from the fright they were in, might 
 have happened, nobody knows how soon,) the 
 barber discovered his mistake, exchanged the 
 wigs, and restored both patients to perfect health 
 in the twinkling of an eye. A witty poet told 
 the story in a song, which if I could add to this 
 section upon wigs, I would, but it is lost and 
 gone. I remember the burden of it was, 
 
 " The Barber has hit off their case to a Jutir," 
 
 I am afraid I do not write with much regu- 
 larity, and may be thought to hurry my reader 
 from pillar to post, and from post to pillar, with 
 too little ceremony. Had I been more attentive 
 to order, I ought certainly not to have written so 
 much about periwigs, without giving the deri- 
 vation of the term, which is as follows ; as far 
 as regards the French term Pemque at least, be-
 
 304 WIGS. 
 
 ing literally transcribed from that eminent critic 
 Menage the Latin Pilus (hair) being the root. 
 P//US, pelus, pelutus, peluticus, pelutico,, perutica., 
 peruca., pmique, peruke, periwig ! 
 
 What a treasure this would have been for the 
 author of the Pngna Porcorum to have stumbled 
 upon, while he was composing that wonderful 
 dishofP's*! 
 
 Who would think that the elegant and inte- 
 resting Mary Queen of Scots wore a periwig ? 
 
 * Another P might be added from HalTs Satires, quoted by Arch- 
 deacon Nares, in his Glossary. 
 
 " His bonnet veil'd, ere ever he could thinke, 
 Th' unruly wind blew off his Periwinke." 
 
 Hall has nsed another term for Wig, which seems to have puzzled 
 the learned Glossarist referred to: speaking of a Courtier, who, on 
 pulling off his hat, had his wig blown off, he says, 
 
 " He lights and runs, and quickly hath him sped, 
 To overtake his over-running head. 
 The sportfulle winde, to mocke the headlesse man, 
 Tosses apace his pitch'd Rogerian." 
 
 As in another part of the Glossary we find the term Gregorian used 
 for a wig, and well explained, as derived from a celebrated barber, 
 I should incline to suspect that the term used by Hall, (though only 
 by him as it would seem) might have a similar orfgin. It is singular 
 enough, that anagrammatically, the two terms are very nearly the 
 
 same.
 
 wrs. 305 
 
 yet so it would certainly appear from the follow- 
 ing letter of Knollys to Cecil, just published in 
 Chalmers's Life of that ill-fated, and ill-treated 
 Princess. " So that now here are six waiting 
 women, although none of reputation, but Mis- 
 tress Mary Seaton, who is praised by this Queen 
 to be the finest busker, that is to say, the finest 
 dresser of a woman's head of hair, that is to be 
 seen in any country : whereof we have seen di- 
 vers experiences, since her coming hither : and 
 among other prettie devices, yesterday, and this 
 day, she did set such a curled hair upon the 
 Queen, that was said to be a PEREWYKE, that 
 showed very delicately ; and every other day, 
 she hath a new device of head dressing, without 
 any cost, and yet setteth forth a woman gaylie 
 well." 
 
 This Perewyke of Mary's I conceive to have 
 been mere ringlets of false hair, for we know that 
 it was the fashion of those days, to wear bor- 
 rowed locks, and of different colours. Mary's 
 own hair was black. 
 
 Hentzner, describing Queen Elizabeth, as he 
 saw her going to Chapel, says, " she wore false 
 hair, and that red." The ladies in those days 
 
 VOL. n. x
 
 306 WIGS. 
 
 absolutely caused the graves to be violated to 
 obtain the hair of the dead, and inveigled chil- 
 dren, who had fine hair, to secret places, to rob 
 them of their locks. They also dyed their hair 
 of various colours, but particularly of a sandy co- 
 lour, in compliment to the Queen, whose natural 
 locks were of that tint. In men red hairs beto- 
 kened treachery, and wigs were often adopted 
 expressly to conceal such Judas-coloured, and 
 Cam-coloured appurtenances, as it was usual to 
 call them. 
 
 We are told by St. Gregory, that women in his 
 time dressed their heads extremely high ; envi- 
 roning them with many tresses of false hair, dis- 
 posed in knots and buckles, so as to resemble a 
 regular fortification. Indeed, before his time, 
 Juvenal, describing the dress of a Roman lady, 
 tells us that 
 
 " With carls on curls, like diff'renl stories, rise 
 Her towering locks, a structure to the skies." 
 
 Josephus reports, that the Jewish ladies pow- 
 dered their hair with gold dust; a fashion that 
 was carried from Asia to Rome, and from the 
 adoption of which the hair of the Emperor Corn- 
 modus is said to have become so bright, that
 
 WIGS. 307. 
 
 when the sun shone upon it, his head appeared 
 as if on fire. 
 
 The year 1629 is reckoned the epocha of long 
 perukes, at which time it is said they began to 
 appear at Paris, and from thence to spread over 
 the rest of Europe. The general use of them has 
 been ascribed to a cause which we shall forbear 
 to mention, and which has always been ques- 
 tioned, but undoubtedly the fashion, without 
 some particular cause, seems exceedingly unac- 
 countable and preposterous. The extent to which 
 it was carried in the time of Lewis XIV. is well 
 known from the pictures of that Monarch, his 
 court, his contemporaries, and from the preva- 
 lence of the custom amongst his immediate, 
 though not remote successors. Peter the First 
 introduced wigs into Russia, and from the pic- 
 ture of him, in the gallery at Oxford, to name 
 no others, he seems to have worn a neat little 
 white bob-wig, exactly like the wig of our state- 
 coachmen (his Majesty's and others.) When 
 he took to a wig himself, I do not know ; but till 
 he did so, I do know, that he used to take other 
 people's wigs, as the following story will shew. 
 Being at Dantzic in the year 1716, he had occa- 
 sion to attend the great Church there, on some 
 . x 2
 
 308 WIGS. 
 
 grand and solemn occasion, and was placed by 
 the Burgomaster in his own seat, which was a 
 little raised above the others, the Burgomaster 
 himself occupying a place below. While all the 
 eyes of the congregation were fixed on the Em- 
 peror, and he apparently listening to the sermon, 
 his head growing cold, he stretched out his hand, 
 and very deliberately taking the Burgomaster's 
 wig from his head, put it upon his own nor did 
 he attempt to return it till the service was over. 
 The attendants of the Czar afterwards explained 
 to the city deputation, that the Emperor being 
 short of hair, was accustomed at home, fre- 
 quently, in such manner to borrow the wig of 
 Prince Menzicoff, or of any other Nobleman, who 
 might at the time happen to be within his reach. 
 So much for Russian manners at the beginning 
 of the last century ; had the Imperial Autocrat 
 chosen to take the head of any of his subjects, as 
 well as the wig, or instead of it, it was probably 
 quite as much at his disposal. 
 
 There was once a very curious trial as to pre- 
 cedence, took place at Paris, so applicable to the 
 subject we are upon, and the purport of my book, 
 as to excuse my giving a report of it. 
 
 Coeffeurs versus Perruquiers, 1769, or " the
 
 WIGS. 309 
 
 Coeffeurs de Dames against the Corporation of 
 Master Barbers, Hair-dressers, and Bagnio- 
 keepers ;" as it was stated in the report of the 
 trial. The latter, it should be observed, were 
 included on account of their generally dressing 
 the ladies' hair after bathing. 
 
 The pleadings on behalf of the Coeffeurs de 
 Dames were very amusing. It was maintained 
 that the art of dressing ladies' hair was a liberal 
 art, and it was compared to those of the poet, 
 the painter, and the statuary. " By those ta- 
 lents," say they, " which are peculiar to our- 
 selves, we give new graces to the beauties sung 
 by the poet ; it is when she comes from under 
 our hands, that the painter and the statuary re- 
 present her ; and if the locks of Berenice have 
 been placed among the stars, who will deny that 
 to attain this superior glory, she was first in want 
 of our aid ? 
 
 " A forehead more or less open, a face more 
 or less oval, require very different modes ; every 
 where we must embellish nature or correct her 
 deficiencies. It is also necessary to conciliate 
 with the colour of the flesh, that of the dress 
 which is to beautify it. This is the art of the 
 painter; we must seize with taste the variegated
 
 310 WIGS. 
 
 shades; we must employ the chiaro oscuro, and 
 the distribution of the shadows, to give more 
 spirit to the complexion, and more expression to 
 the graces ; sometimes the whiteness of the skin 
 will be heightened by the auburn tint of the 
 locks ; and the too lively splendour of the fair 
 will be softened by the greyish cast with which 
 we tinge the tresses." 
 
 To prove that their art has claims to genius, 
 the Coeffeurs de Dames add, " if the arrange- 
 ment of the hair and the various colours we give 
 to the locks do not answer our intention, we 
 have under our hands the brilliant treasures of 
 Golconda. To us belongs the happy disposition 
 of the diamonds ; the placing the pearl pins and 
 the suspending of the feathers. The general of 
 an army knows what reliance he can make on a 
 half moon (a term of the then fashionable dress) 
 placed in front ; he has his engineers, who are 
 distinguished by their titles ; and we, with a 
 sparkling cross advantageously placed, know 
 how difficult it is for an enemy not to yield. It 
 is we indeed, who strengthen and extend the 
 empire of beauty." 
 
 After stating that upwards of twelve hundred 
 Coeffeurs de Dames are established in Paris, the
 
 WIGS. 311 
 
 oration thus concludes. " Some rigid censurers 
 will perhaps say, that they could do very well 
 without us ; and that if there were less art and 
 ornament at the toilettes of the ladies, things 
 would be all for the better. It is not for us to 
 judge, if the manners of Sparta were preferable 
 to those of Athens ; and if the shepherdess, who 
 gazes on herself in the glassy fountain, inter- 
 weaves some wild flowers in her tresses, and 
 adorns herself with natural graces, merits a 
 greater homage than those brilliant town ladies 
 who skilfully employ the refinements of a fash- 
 ionable dress. We must take the age in the 
 state we find it. We feel an inclination for the 
 living manners, and while they subsist we must 
 submit to them." 
 
 The issue of the cause was, that the Coeffeurs 
 triumphed over the Perruquiers, and when the 
 decision of the Court was pronounced, it was 
 approved by a loud cheering from the anxious 
 and attendant beauties of Paris. 
 
 In the Tableau de Paris, by Mercier, Tomes I. 
 IV. V. there are some curious chapters, entitled 
 " Perruquiers," " Succession des Modes" " Faux 
 Cheveux" and " Perruque a trois marteaux," which 
 are well calculated to shew to what an excess of
 
 312 WIGS. 
 
 extravagance, the art of ornamenting and adorn- 
 ing the head has been carried in most countries, 
 not without some encroachment on the very ne- 
 cessaries of life, as is shewn in the following 
 passage ; " Lorsqu'on songe que \a.poudre dont 
 deux cents mille individus blanchissent leurs che- 
 veux, est prise sur V aliment du pauvre; que la 
 farine qui entre dans 1'ample perruque du robin, 
 la vergette du petit-maitre, la bouche militaire de 
 I'ojficier, et 1'enorme catogan du batteur de pave 
 nourriroit dix mille infortunes; que cette sub- 
 stance extraite du bled depouille de ses parties 
 nutritives passe infructueusement sur la nuque de 
 tant de desauvres: on gemit sur cet usage, qui 
 ne laisse pas aux cheveux la couleur naturelle 
 qu'ils ont reue." 
 
 If our agricultural distresses and the low price 
 of corn, should continue much longer, surely it 
 would be well if the Chancellor of the Exchequer 
 would take off the tax on hair powder, and pro- 
 cure some of our male and female dandies to re- 
 new the fashion so much inveighed against above ; 
 according to the same author it would supply 
 employment to such numbers, as might help to 
 relieve our poor-rates. What a pity it was not 
 thought of two years ago !
 
 WIGS. 313 
 
 Before I part from the subject of this section, 
 I shall add a short extract from the Abbe Le 
 Blanc s Letters on England, to shew the state of 
 things about the middle of the last century, in 
 the particulars of dress, manners, &c. 
 
 " At Paris, the valets de chambre and ladies' 
 women, are frequently the apes of their masters 
 and mistresses in dress ; at London it is just the 
 reverse masters dress like their valets, and 
 duchesses dress like their chamber-maids. 
 
 " Exquisite cloaths, a singular equipage, 
 jewels of all sorts, perfumes, patches, an af- 
 fected tone of voice, little wit, much prattle, 
 and a head void of sense, are pretty nearly the 
 qualifications of a French petit-maitre a short 
 BOB-WIG, without powder, a handkerchief round 
 the neck instead of cravat, a sailor's waistcoat, 
 a strong knotty stick, a rough tone and language, 
 an affectation of the airs and imitation of the 
 manners of the meanest populace, these are the 
 characters of an English petit-maitre. A French 
 petit-maitre is constantly employed in bauble; 
 he is the oracle of all the milliners and toy-shops 
 of the Palais the English petit-maitre is very 
 different ; he takes delight in hunting and other 
 bodily exercises; in mixing with chairmen; he
 
 314 WIGS. 
 
 excels in boxing with them; and has the most 
 exalted notions of this noble exercise. 
 
 " I would now ask, whether powder a la mare- 
 chale of the P. M.'s of Paris, is not preferable 
 to the dirty BOB-WIGS and heads of hair of those 
 of London ? A Frenchman, as here described, 
 in the mouth of an Englishman, is a MONKEY ; 
 then who can admire, if the creature I have put 
 in contrast with him, passes with us for a BEAR ? 
 It is certain at least thatAwman nature is equally 
 degraded by both. What matter it, whether a 
 MAN resolves to resemble & monkey or a bear? 
 From the moment he blushes to be a man, let us 
 not hesitate to disclaim him in our turn." Let- 
 ter IV. 
 
 Of all the extravagancies of dress, I think none 
 can well exceed what we read of in Queen Eli- 
 zabeth's days, and as we live in times when the 
 same part or parts of the male apparel, are none 
 of the smallest, I shall venture to notice it, not 
 with a view to its adoption, but as a hint to our 
 modern dandies, to guard against such extremes ; 
 especially if there should be any amongst our 
 Members of Parliament ; as the House of Com- 
 mons, since the union with Ireland, is scarcely 
 roomy enough for the whole body of representa-
 
 WIGS. 315 
 
 tives, even if they were sans-culottes. In Queen 
 Elizabeth's days then, Mr. Strutt tells us, they 
 wore breeches so large, that there was actually a 
 scaffold erected round the inside of the Parlia- 
 ment-house, for the accommodation of such mem- 
 bers as wore those huge breeches. In the next 
 age the custom was revived, and one man was 
 detected of carrying therein, a pair of sheets, two 
 table cloths, ten napkins, four shirts, a brush, a 
 glass, a comb, and a nightcap ! ! 
 
 The fate or fashion of beards has been almost 
 as strange and variable as that of wigs. In times 
 of affliction the Jews used to pluck off their 
 beards ; upon exactly similar occasions the Ro- 
 mans used to let them grow. In Turkey, shaving 
 the beard is accounted so infamous that a Turk 
 would suffer death rather than have it done ; 
 amongst ourselves, it has been very gravely ac- 
 counted a symptom of lunacy not to shave it. 
 Touching the beard used formerly to be an action 
 peculiar to supplicants ; but in Turkey wives kiss 
 the beards of their husbands, and children those 
 of their fathers whenever they salute them, and 
 on visits of state and solemnity it is common to 
 sprinkle perfumes over the beards of the com- 
 pany. In the first year of the reign of Queen
 
 316 WIGS. 
 
 Elizabeth, lawyers' beards appear to have been 
 under such regulations, that it was positively 
 directed that no member of Lincoln's-Inn should 
 wear a beard of more than a fortnight's growth ; 
 probably this order would have reached, in time, 
 the other inns of court, but that it was found to 
 be so cruel a restriction upon the legal Dandies 
 of the day, as to be speedily repealed. Dyeing 
 beards was as common a practice as dyeing the 
 hair. Bottom, the weaver, in the Midsummer 
 Night's Dream, it will be recollected, offers to 
 play Pyramus either in a straw-coloured beard, an 
 orange-tawney, or a purple-in-grain beard ; which 
 of these may have been most likely to captivate 
 the Thisbes of those times, I am unable to say. 
 Amidst such a choice, Benedict, in Much-ado- 
 about-nothing, is to be admired for his simpli- 
 city ; being quite content, to let his mistresses 
 hair be " of what colour it please God ;" which 
 is surely tantamount to saying, it need neither 
 be straw-coloured, orange-tawney, or purple-in-the- 
 grain. We have mentioned JWas-coloured and 
 Cam-coloured hair, but it seems there were such 
 things, as Abraham-co]oured beards. (See Glos- 
 sary.)
 
 WIGS. 317 
 
 Over all 
 
 A goodly, long, thick, .d&rafiam-colour'd beard. 
 
 Carrot coloured beards were the vilest of all 
 beards. As to the shapes of beards, Taylor, the 
 water-poet, has probably enumerated all the se- 
 veral forms in the following lines, to be found in 
 the same learned work. 
 
 " Some like a spade, some like a fork, some square, 
 
 Some round, .some mow'd like stubble, some quite bare, 
 Some sharp, stiletto-fashion, dagger-like, 
 That may, with whispering, a man's eyes out spike ; 
 Some with the hammer cut, or Roman T." 
 
 see further under the article T. 
 
 Whiskers or the Moustache, were of as much 
 importance as the beard or wig, but particularly 
 to military men, who probably wore false hair 
 upon their lip, if not sufficiently barbed by na- 
 ture. It is mentioned by Mercier, in his Tableau 
 de Paris, and probably elsewhere, that if a sol- 
 dier borrowed money, and offered his moustache 
 in pledge, it was judged to be better security 
 than a note of hand, being sure to be speedily 
 redeemed.
 
 OBSOLETE PRIVILEGES, 
 DISTINCTIONS, TITLES, &c. &c. 
 
 SOME privileges, titles, names, and distinctions, are 
 become so obsolete as to be almost unknown to 
 the persons particularly entitled to them. I 
 much doubt, for instance, if the generality of our 
 Dukes, (few as they are,) know, that in all places 
 out of the King's presence, they have a right to 
 a cloth of state hanging down (from whence I 
 know not) within half a yard of the ground; and 
 so have their Duchesses. The latter may more- 
 over have their trains borne up by a Baroness. 
 No Earl is to wash with a Duke without the 
 Duke's permission. A Marquess, out of the 
 presence of the King, and a Duke, has nearly 
 the same privileges, only his cloth of state must 
 be half a yard shorter, and his Marchioness's 
 train borne by a Knight's lady, out of the pre- 
 sence of her superiors, and in their presence by 
 a gentlewoman. No Viscount: may wash with a 
 Marquess, but at his pleasure.
 
 DISTINCTION^ TITLES, &C. 
 
 An Earl may have a cloth of state too, but 
 without pendants, only fringe : his Countess 
 may have her train borne by an Esquire's wife, 
 out of the presence of her superiors, and in their 
 presence by a Gentleman. 
 
 Viscounts appear to have no right to a cloth of 
 state, hanging from any where, or reaching to 
 any length, or with either pendants or fringe ; 
 but in lieu of this, they may have a cover of essay 
 held under their cup when they drink ; they may 
 have a travers in their own house, and their Vis- 
 countesses may have their trains borne by a Wo- 
 man out of the presence of their superiors, other- 
 wise by a Man. 
 
 A Baron may also have the cover of his cup 
 holden underneath whilst he drinks, and his 
 Baroness may have her train borne by a Man in 
 the presence of a Viscountess. 
 
 These are all certainly very important pri- 
 vileges and distinctions to those who set a value 
 upon them ; which in truth is the only thing that 
 can give any importance to any distinctions, as 
 we may judge from the horse-tails in Turkey, 
 which by accident have become the highest of 
 all distinctions in the Ottoman Court. Who 
 would think that it could become a matter of
 
 320 OBSOLETE PRIVILEGES, 
 
 extreme ambition in any of our monkey race, to 
 attain to the honour of having two tails instead of 
 one, or three instead of two. Yet so it is in Tur- 
 key but I would have you to know, they are 
 Worses-tails not asses-tails ! I believe the history 
 of this extraordinary distinction is, that upon a 
 separation of the Turkish army, in some very 
 perilous and critical engagement, one of the 
 commanders had the precaution to cut off a 
 horse's tail, and by elevating it on the point of 
 a lance, to render it a rallying point for the dis- 
 persed soldiery. There is reason in all things, if 
 we can but find it out, and therefore we may de- 
 pend upon it, that, as the song says, 
 
 " 'Tis a very fine thing to be father ID law, 
 To a very magnificent three-tail' d Bashaw." 
 
 Whether the following is to be regarded as a 
 privilege or a duty I cannot pretend to say, how- 
 ever I fancy it is obsolete. The King's Lords of 
 the Bedchamber ought to lie every night on a 
 pallet by the King. 
 
 Amongst his Majesty's attendants, none ever 
 attract my notice so much, as his Yeomen of the 
 Guard. They not only look like kingly atten- 
 dants, but they seem to have descended to him
 
 DISTINCTIONS, TITLES, &C. 321 
 
 from his predecessors. I could almost fancy I 
 see the very body guard who waited upon Henry 
 VII. and Henry VIII. whose livery they still 
 wear. " The vast jetting coat and small bonnet, 
 which was the habit in Harry the Seventh's time, 
 is kept on in the Yeomen of the Guard ; not 
 without a good and politic view, because they 
 look a foot taller and a foot and a half broader ; 
 besides that the cap leaves the face expanded, 
 and consequently more terrible, and fitter to 
 stand at the entrance of Palaces." Spectator, 
 No. 109. I confess they are so singular, and so 
 strongly represent to us the pageantry of ancient 
 days, that if I were at the head of hiaJMajesty's 
 household, I would sooner buy their cast off 
 dresses out of my own pocket and burn them, 
 than suffer them to be so degraded as they now 
 are, by being transferred to the keepers of wild 
 beasts, and paraded about the kingdom on cart 
 horses, or posted at the entrance of that dirty 
 thoroughfare, Exeter Change, as the body guard 
 of a parcel of monkies and parrots, or at the very 
 best, the King of Beasts *. 
 
 * Since writing the above, I have been told of a young person, 
 unacquainted with the Court, who expressed the greatest surprise, 
 on seeing among the King's attendants at the theatre, some or the 
 
 VOL. ii. y
 
 322 
 
 I have taken the liberty (and I certainly call 
 it such) to speak in other parts of my book, of 
 the personal distinctions of Episcopacy, particu- 
 larly the wig and the short cassock ; of the latter 
 I have said, that an old Prelate used to call it a 
 jockey dress. Whether Erasmus knew of this 
 jockey dress or not, I cannot say, but he intimates 
 in an Epistle to Reuchlin, that the Bishops of his 
 time always wore linen dresses, except when they 
 went a hunting ; speaking of Fisher, Bishop of 
 Rochester, who wished to see and converse with 
 Reuchlin, he tells him, that his desire to do so 
 was so great, that he had determined to throw 
 off his episcopal garment, that is the linen gar- 
 ment which the Bishops in England always wear, 
 except when they go a hunting, and to pass over 
 the sea, &c. : " Decreverat, posito cultu Epis- 
 copali, hoc est, linea veste, qua semper utuntur 
 in Anglia, nisi cum VENANTUR, trajicere, &c." 
 Certainly it must have been exceedingly trou- 
 
 sJiew-men from Exeter Change, as be called them. This is really 
 wrong, since the Yeomen of the Guard very particularly constitute the 
 King's body-guard, and ought, in fact, never to be seen but in attend- 
 ance upon him. There is something of good old English grandeur in 
 their being called Beef-eaters, a name very little suitable to some of 
 the meagre and shrivelled purchasers, or wearers, of their cast-off gar- 
 ments, as nny body may have observed.
 
 DISTINCTIONS, TITLES, &C. 323 
 
 blesome to have gone a hunting in their surplices 
 or lawn sleeves. These things sound strange to 
 us now, but perhaps nothing in the way of dis- 
 tinction has varied more than the habits and 
 dresses of our Bishops. 
 
 I am not answerable for the following story, 
 having no actual authority to produce for it at 
 present beyond a common newspaper, but it is 
 certainly very applicable to my purpose. " In 
 1722, there was a grand review of troops by 
 the King, and amongst other distinguished per- 
 sonages in his Majesty's train, there appeared, 
 say the Journals of the day, the Bishop of Dur- 
 ham, on horseback, in a lay-habit of purple, with 
 jack-boots, and his hat cocked, and a black wig 
 tied behind like a military officer." It is I be- 
 lieve well known that the Bishop of Durham has 
 certain lay privileges which other Bishops have 
 not, but I think it is a mistake to call the purple 
 habit in the above account a /ay-habit. Even 
 the cocked hat, in contradistinction to the round 
 ones of the present day, would be rather episco- 
 pal than otherwise, and there is little but the 
 military tie behind the wig, and the oddity of 
 seeing a Bishop with the King at a military re- 
 view, that would render the passage so strange 
 Y 2
 
 324 OBSOLETE PRIVILEGES, 
 
 as to some no doubt it will now appear *. I can- 
 not pretend to explain the jack-boots ; perhaps 
 they might be as modish and military as the 
 Wellington boots of our days ; but that Bishops 
 have always worn boots, even from Robin Hood's 
 days, who made the Bishop of Hereford to dance 
 in his, is a circumstance known to every child. 
 In Queen Elizabeth's time, we read of an Arch- 
 bishop of Canterbury who kept a great number 
 of horses, trained for the purposes of war, and 
 who had the young gentlemen of his household 
 instructed in the military science. It was while 
 hunting in Bramshill Park, Hants, that Archbi- 
 shop Abbot, in James's time, had the misfortune 
 while aiming at a buck, to kill the gamekeeper, 
 of which his enemies were mean enough to take 
 every advantage. 
 
 Before the Reformation, the Bishops sat in 
 Parliament with their mitres on their heads, (at 
 least when the King was present) and in their 
 copes and pontifical vestments. Since that they 
 
 * On taming, however, to Mr. Gilbert's Episcopal Chart, 1 see 
 that this must have been Bishop Talbot, who is represented by his 
 biographer, in Nichols's Illustrations of Literature, to have been a 
 man of rather more magnificence and expence than suited his station 
 and dignity ; even to the embarrassment of his own family.
 
 DISTINCTIONS, TITLES, &.C. 325 
 
 have worn on such occasions scarlet robes, which 
 are said to have been originally only the scarlet 
 habit of a Doctor of Divinity, not of Oxford, but 
 Cambridge : the first Archbishops after the Re- 
 formation, having been of the latter University. 
 The white linen rochet, or what we now call 
 their lawn sleeves, was their common dress on all 
 occasions but the one just mentioned. The ha- 
 bit of a Bishop in Henry the Eighth's time, that 
 is in the former part of his reign, was a white 
 linen rochet turned up at the sleeves in winter 
 time, with sable; about the neck a black silk tippet, 
 which in winter was lined with sable ; under the 
 rochet a scarlet garment. In the reign of Edward 
 VI. they wore over the rochet a scarlet chimere, 
 the same with a Doctor's habit at Oxford ; which 
 in Queen Elizabeth's time was changed into a 
 black satin one, which is used at this day. In 
 those days all Clergymen wore caps. I have 
 great reason to think from what occurs in his- 
 tory, what I have heard, and what is to be read 
 in old periodical and other works of satire and 
 amusement, that the Bishops and Clergy in ge- 
 neral, never stood clearer of foppery, or excess in 
 any article of dress or apparel, than they do at 
 present. Their official vestments are a good
 
 326 OBSOLETE PRIVILEGES, 
 
 medium between popery and puritanism, their 
 common dress grave and dignified ; if the epis- 
 copal wig can be preserved from becoming so sin- 
 gular and peculiar, as to excite ridicule. It is 
 already become so uncommon, that not very long 
 ago, at a great table, a Bishop being amongst 
 the guests, one of the children of the family, 
 who came into the room after the removal of the 
 cloth, finding the Bishop sitting next to the 
 
 D ss, looked at him and his wig for some 
 
 time, and at last turning to her mother, asked, 
 with the most excusable simplicity, " Mamma, 
 what is it ?" 
 
 This then is the apprehension I feel about the 
 Bishop's wig, that it will become too particular, 
 and too marked, almost as unusual a sight in our 
 streets and private assemblies, as the Judge's 
 full bottomed wig would be, if made an article 
 of his common dress. 
 
 We should remember the Spectator's anxiety 
 about a standing dress, for portraits. " Great 
 masters in painting," says he, " never care for 
 drawing people in the fashion ; as well knowing 
 that the head-dress or periling that now prevails, 
 and gives a grace to the portraitures at present,
 
 DISTINCTIONS, TITLES, &C. 327 
 
 will make a very odd figure, and perhaps look 
 monstrous in the eye of posterity ." 
 
 Is not the purple coat of a Bishop, which I 
 think extremely handsome, a better distinction ? 
 But I am only looking to what may come to pass. 
 At present, (as far as my own taste and judgment 
 goes) I see nothing objectionable in a Bishop's 
 dress, but quite the contrary ; no not even in 
 the rose or the shovel hat. Formerly, / have 
 heard, the Bishops used to walk the streets in 
 scarfs drawn through the embroidered button-holes 
 of their purple coats ; and from the Spectator it 
 would appear, that the scarf to the younger part 
 of the Clergy, was a distinction assumed on the 
 slightest pretensions, to give them an air of con- 
 sequence. What young Clergyman now-a-days, 
 let me ask, would attempt to parade about the 
 streets of London in his gown and cassock and 
 scarf ? or wish to be mistaken for a Doctor of Di- 
 vinity. See Spectator, No. 609. In 1652, the 
 dress of the famous John Owen, Dean of Christ 
 Church, and Vice Chancellor of Oxford, is thus 
 described ; " a lawn band, his hair powdered, his 
 hat curiously cocked, Spanish leather boots with 
 lawn tops, and snake-bone band strings, with large
 
 328 OBSOLETE PRIVILEGES, 
 
 tassels; a large set of ribbands, pointed at the 
 knees with points or tags at the end." 
 
 But if we go farther back, we shall find the 
 Clergy studiously affecting the parade and shew 
 of gay and gaudy dresses. The Ploughman in 
 Chaucer's Canterbury Tales thus represents the 
 Priest of those days : 
 
 " That hje on horse wylleth to ride, 
 
 In glytterande gold of great arraye, 
 Ypainted and portred all in pryde, 
 
 No common knyghte may go so gay ; 
 Channge of clothyng every daye, 
 
 With golden gyrdels great and small, 
 As boystrous as is bere at baye : 
 
 All sache falshed mote nede fall." 
 
 They are besides described as having more 
 than one or two mitres, ornamented with pearls 
 like the head of a Queen, and a staff" of gold set 
 with jewels as heavy as lead ; as appearing abroad 
 with broad bucklers and long swords, with bal- 
 drics about their necks, instead of stoles, to 
 which their baselards were attached : 
 
 " Bucklers broad and sweardes longe 
 Baudryke with baselards kene." 
 
 He charges them also with wearing gay gowns 
 of scarlet and green colours, with cut-work, and
 
 DISTINCTIONS, TITLES, &C. 329 
 
 long; pykes to their shoes. Surely when we read 
 these things, we cannot justly accuse the En- 
 glish Clergy of the present day of any great ex- 
 cess or impropriety in regard to dress ; and yet 
 in a newspaper, scarcely four months old, I see 
 it charged upon the Clergy, that they dress too 
 much like the laity. " Cropped hair, round cas- 
 tor, white cravat, sable habiliments, and tied 
 shoes," says the writer, " meet us in every street. 
 In gentlemen of the clerical profession surely 
 this resemblance is unwise, and to their respec- 
 tability inimical in the extreme." He is for their 
 returning to " the shovel hat, formal band, nar- 
 row collar, single-breasted vest and coat, buc- 
 kled knee and foot." In justice to the Clergy I 
 must observe, that if decency of apparel be better 
 than formality, they not only appear to my eyes 
 clerical enough, but I can bear testimony to the 
 fact, that the laity have encroached upon the 
 Clergy, not the Clergy upon the former. It is 
 not a great many years ago, since the present 
 dress of the Clergy was quite as distinguishing 
 as the shovel hat, band, narrow collar, &c. and 
 that it is the laity who by cropping their hair, 
 and taking to dark and sable habiliments, have 
 occasioned the confusion. Within my own me-
 
 330 OBSOLETE PRIVILEGES, 
 
 mory, the present grave dress of the Clergy was 
 so alarming to the young sprigs of fashion, that it 
 was difficult to get any Dandy of the day, to 
 choose or even consent to be bred up to the pro- 
 fession; and perhaps if the Clergy chose now to 
 make their body more select, they could not do 
 better than adopt some Anti-dandyish Costume. 
 But the truth is as I state it; it was the laity 
 who first broke down the distinction. To shew 
 how far the Clergy of the present day are from 
 foppery in their dress, compared with their pre- 
 decessors, I shall copy the following petition to 
 Mr. Bickerstaff's Court of Honour, (Tatler, No. 
 270) the date being probably about 1710'. 
 
 " The humble petition of Elizabeth Slender, 
 Spinster ; 
 
 " Sheweth, that on the 20th of this instant De- 
 cember, her friend Rebecca Hive and your peti- 
 tioner walking in the Strand, saw a gentleman 
 before us in a gown, whose periwig was so long, 
 and so much powdered, that your petitioner took 
 notice of it, and said she wondered that a Lawyer 
 would so spoil a new gown with powder. To 
 which it was answered, that he was no Lawyer 
 but a Clergyman. Upon a wager of a pot of
 
 DISTINCTIONS, TITLES, &C. 331 
 
 coffee we overtook him, and your petitioner was 
 soon convinced she had lost. Your petitioner 
 therefore desires your Worship to cite the Cler- 
 gyman before you, and to settle and adjust the 
 length of canonical periwigs, and the quantity of 
 powder to be made use of in them, and to give 
 such other directions as you shall think fit. And 
 your Petitioner, &c. &c." 
 
 The Tatler puts a query, whether the gentle- 
 man was not Chaplain to a Regiment, and there- 
 fore powdered accordingly. And in his remarks 
 on the petition, he admonishes the young Mis- 
 sionaries from the Universities, to consider where 
 they are, and not dress and move and look like 
 young Officers. Such was the figure the Clergy 
 cut in the streets of London very little more than 
 a century ago. They were then, as at present, 
 accused of aping the laity; but it was a powder- 
 ed and periwigged laity. If this laity dress now, 
 as plain as plain can be, even in black habili- 
 ments, and with cropped unpowdered hair, why 
 should the Clergy be called upon to distinguish 
 themselves by dresses less plain, or at best, ridi- 
 culously formal ? 
 
 We know from Hollinshed, that in Queen Eli- 
 zabeth's days, the Clergy " went either in diverse
 
 332 
 
 colours, like plaiers, or in garments of light 
 hew, as yellow, red, greene, &c. with their shoes 
 piked, their haire crisped, their girdles armed 
 with silver ; their shoes, spurres, bridles, &c. 
 buckled with like metall ; their apparell for the 
 most part, of silke, and richlie furr'd ; their 
 cappes lac'd and butn'd with gold ; so that to 
 meet a Priest in those days was to behold a pea- 
 cocke which spreadeth his taile when he danseth 
 before the henne." 
 
 I am aware of the Canon enjoining " decency of 
 apparel to Ministers" and I have lately read some 
 sensible, and certainly well-meant observations 
 upon it, in the Christian Remembrancer; but the 
 Canon itself I think shews, how difficult it must 
 be, at different times, to reconcile distinction and 
 decency, the latter being I think most consistent 
 with simplicity; and surely nothing can be more 
 simple than the present evening dress, at the 
 least, of the Clergy, which is invariably of plain 
 black clothes. The Clergy are not to blame, if 
 the laity, imitating the simplicity of dress once 
 peculiar to themselves, have robbed them of their 
 distinction. The Clergy at all events have the 
 advantage of a gentlemanly appearance, and as 
 the world goes, and education is their first qua-
 
 DISTINCTIONS, TITLES, &C. 
 
 lification, this gentlemanly appearance places 
 them only in the rank where they ought to be. 
 I have shewn by many instances that distinctions 
 exclusively clerical, may be carried to an absurd 
 excess. There may be Dandyism in gowns and 
 cassocks. If the Canon were to be complied 
 with, what dreadful objects of ridicule would the 
 Clergy become : after directing that all Deans, 
 Masters of Colleges, Archdeacons and Preben- 
 daries, (being Priests and Deacons), Doctors in 
 Divinity, Law and Physick, Bachelors in Divi- 
 nity, Masters of Arts, &c. shall usually wear 
 gowns with standing collars and sleeves strait at 
 the hands ; or wide sleeves, as is used at the 
 Universities, with hoods or tippets of silk or 
 sarcenet, and square caps. It proceeds : " We 
 do also in like manner ordain, that all the said 
 Ecclesiastical persons above mentioned, shall 
 usually wear in their journies, cloaks with sleeves, 
 commonly called Priest's cloaks, without gards, 
 welts, long buttons, or cuts. And no Ecclesias- 
 tical person shall wear any coife or wrought 
 night-cap, but only a plain night-cap of black 
 silk, satten, or velvet." This is recommended 
 merely for decency, gravity, and order. " In pri- 
 vate houses," (the Canon goes on to say,) " and
 
 334 
 
 in their studies, the said persons ecclesiastical 
 may use any comely and scholar-like apparel, 
 provided that it be not cut or pinkt ; and that in 
 public they go not in their doublet and hose, 
 without coats or cassocks ; and that they wear 
 not any light-coloured stockings." " Moreover, 
 poor beneficed men and curates, (not being able 
 to provide themselves long gowns) may go in 
 short gowns of the fashion aforesaid." Fashion 
 is a good word to have used, for nothing I think 
 but fashion could protect a Clergyman so dressed 
 from ridicule and insult. Surely our present 
 fashion approaches nearer to decency, that is, 
 simplicity of apparel. 
 
 Of obsolete titles and offices, that of Constable 
 has undergone strange revolutions. We all know 
 what a Constable is, and where to find him if we 
 want such a public functionary ; and generally 
 speaking, it is by no means among the higher 
 classes that we should go to look for him ; and 
 yet there was a time when Constable was with- 
 out any exception one of the highest titles and 
 highest offices in the kingdom. The Constable 
 commonly known to us is the petty Constable, 
 and as I have said before, we generally know 
 where to find him, in our towns and villages,
 
 DISTINCTIONS, TITLES, &C. 335 
 
 but I question if any body would know where to 
 go and look, (not for the High Constable of a 
 hundred) but the Lord High Constable of these 
 southern parts of the kingdom. In Scotland, (as 
 we have lately had occasion to know,) there is 
 still a Lord High Constable and Knight Maris- 
 chal. But if any traces of a Lord High Constable 
 are to be found in South Britain, it is I think 
 in the office of Master of the Horse. The hors 
 thegn or thegn of the stud in the Anglo-Saxon 
 times. Johannes Goropius indeed would have it 
 that the term Constable is derived from the Saxon 
 Conning King, and Stable prop. The Constable, 
 who had to maintain by his authority, the peace 
 of the land, being the great stay and support of 
 the King's own power; but as it used to be writ- 
 ten Cuningstable, and the Master of the Horse is 
 fairly the Comes Stabuli, it looks, to a modern 
 eye, as though it were compounded of the words 
 cunning and stable, as much as to say knowing in 
 horses, which the Master of the Horse ought to 
 be, and (perhaps) the present Master of the Horse 
 really is. According to old Roger Ascham, these 
 Masters of the Horse, or Cuningstables, were of 
 great account, ( too great account possibly) in his 
 days. For, " it is pitie," says he, " that com-
 
 336 OBSOLETE PRIVILEGES, 
 
 monlie more care is had, yea, and that amonge 
 verie wise men, to find out rather a cunnynge man 
 for their horse, than a cunnynge man for their 
 children. They say nay in worde, but they do so 
 in deede ; for to one they will gladlie give a sti- 
 pend of 200 crownes by the yeare, and loth to 
 offer to the other 200 shillings. God, that sit- 
 teth in heaven, laugheth their choice to skorne, 
 and rewardeth their liberalities as it should be ; 
 for he suffereth them to have tame and well or- 
 dered horse, but wilde and unfortunate children; 
 and therefore in the ende, they finde more plea- 
 sure in their horse, than comforte in their chil- 
 dren." As for Johannes Goropius's definition 
 of the word, which is followed I think by that 
 great lawyer, Coke, in his Institutes, it is singular 
 enough, that so far from being a prop and stay 
 to our Kings, the office of Lord High Constable 
 was not revived by Henry the Vlllth after the 
 attainder of the Duke of Buckingham, because it 
 was thought dangerous to the King's power, and 
 too much for any subject. Which was also the 
 opinion of Harry Martyn, when in 1647, he 
 opposed the motion that had been made in the 
 House of Commons to the following effect: 
 " That it was necessary for the House of Com-
 
 DISTINCTIONS, TITLES, &C. 337 
 
 mons to have a High Constable of their own that 
 will make no scruple of laying his Majesty by the 
 heels;" Harry Marty n wisely enough objected 
 that " the power was too great for any man ;" 
 and the motion was quashed. As there is at pre- 
 sent no Lord High Constable in England, so is 
 there, as it happens, no Master of the Horse in 
 Scotland. 
 
 Ben Jonson has a fling at High Constables in 
 his Tale of a Tub, which might deserve to be in- 
 troduced into this medley of odd things, if there 
 were room for it. See Act III. Scene 6. 
 
 Among obsolete titles and names, we might 
 enumerate several that have undergone extraor- 
 dinary changes. Who would now suppose that 
 he might in times past, have fallen into the com- 
 pany of knaves and villains, leeches, trulls, and 
 wenches, and even girls of the town, without in- 
 curring the smallest loss of reputation, or being 
 actually in bad company ? What fine food for 
 witlings at cards, have the knaves supplied, under 
 a supposition that the name imported something 
 of trick, thievery, and craft; whereas originally 
 it was intended, and applied no doubt, as a 
 title of honor ; and indeed for the credit of the 
 
 VOL. n. z
 
 338 OBSOLETE PRIVILEGES, 
 
 knave to this day, it may be noted that it is 
 accounted an honor to have it in one's hand, at 
 whist, at least. We have in history the names 
 of the very personages, supposed to be repre- 
 sented by the Knaves of Clubs, Diamonds, Hearts, 
 and Spades, at the first invention of cards in the 
 XlVth century. They were it seems, Lahire, 
 and Hector Delagard, two Captains of Charles 
 Vllth of France, with Lancelot and Dogier, he- 
 roes famous in the wars of Charlemagne. And 
 the place they severally held, was probably that 
 of Squire or attendant to their respective Kings. 
 The Scild Knapa among the Saxons, exactly an- 
 swered indeed to the Latin Armiger or French 
 Ecuyer. It is supposed to be derived from the 
 Saxon Cnapa or Flemish Knape, signifying Ser- 
 vant ; in which sense the word Knave occurs in 
 some of our old Statutes. But it has been used 
 also for a male child or boy. In Wickcliffe's Bi- 
 ble, the Midwives of Egypt, Exodus i. 16. are 
 bidden to kill every knave-child, and save the 
 girls alive. In the Saxon translation of Matthew 
 viii. 6. it is used for servant, " Myn Knapa," 
 that is, my Knave lieth at home sick of the palsy, 
 &c. Sometimes it is found in our old law-books 
 as a regular title, like Armiger or Ecuyer as,
 
 DISTINCTIONS, TITLES, &C. 339 
 
 Johannes C. Willielmi C. de Derby, Knave, &c. 
 Willielmus Cowper de Denbigh, Knave. 
 
 In Sir John Harrington's Letters, it will be 
 seen that he continually calls the King's Servants 
 at Court, " Knaves " and " Varlets," as well as 
 "lordly Servants." See a curious account of some 
 of the lordly Servants, in Henry's History of Eng- 
 land, extracted from the Leges Wallicce Brit. 
 Critic, old Series, Vol. IV. p. 419. 
 
 In the description of Ireland, prefixed to Hol- 
 lingshed's Chronicle, the Irish are said to have 
 no word for Knave; but that country does not 
 appear to have been free from the thing, though 
 they had not the name ; for in the English pale 
 we read, that they called such folks, " Stye cose- 
 ners," or " Wyly pye" 
 
 The Villain of old times is well known to have 
 been merely the dependent of a feudal Baron, 
 and though born probably in that state of bond- 
 age, by no means lying under any other stigma. 
 The old Leech was the Physician, and Leechcraft 
 his profession. 
 
 " We study speech, but others we persuade, 
 We Leechcraft learu, but others cure with it." 
 
 " Wise Leeches will not vaiu receipts obtrude, 
 
 While growing pains pronounce the humours crude , 
 
 z2
 
 340 OBSOLETE PRIVILEGES, 
 
 Deaf to complaints they wait upon the ill, 
 
 Till some safe crisis authorise their skill." 
 
 DRYDEN. 
 
 Spenser also uses the term in the same sense. 
 
 , . . " And straightway sent with careful diligence, 
 To fetch a Leech, the which had great insight 
 In that disease of grieved conscience ; 
 And well could cure the same ; his name was Patience." 
 
 FAIRY QUEEN. 
 
 At present I believe the term Leech, though 
 applied still to such as the common people 
 esteem both Physicians and Doctors, is confined 
 to the Farrier or Horse Doctor. In justice how- 
 ever to the whole fraternity, let it not be too 
 hastily imagined, that the term was given to 
 them on the score of resemblance to a certain 
 blood-letting, or blood-sucking animal of the 
 same name, as though the whole race were of 
 the same stamp as le Docteur Sangrado in Gil 
 Bias, who practised no remedies but bleeding 
 and drenching with warm water. Etymologists 
 tell us, Farriers are called Leeches, from a Saxon 
 term Itece, of lecnian to heal, in which sense, if it 
 do not apply to every other Physician, to every 
 man and woman Doctor, as well as the Farrier, 
 it must be their own fault, or their own misma- 
 nagement.
 
 DISTINCTIONS, TITLES, &C. 341 
 
 In Queen Elizabeth's time, trull, wench, and 
 girl, were without scruple applied, by the gravest 
 and most accomplished writers, to any young 
 woman, as may be seen by the following citation 
 from Tuberville's Eclogues : 
 
 " Among the rest of all the route, 
 
 A passing proper lass, 
 A white-hair'd trull of twenty yeares, 
 
 Or neere about there was ; 
 In stature passing all the rest, 
 
 A gallant girl for hewe ; 
 
 To be compar'd to townish nymphs, 
 
 So faire she was to view. 
 
 The wench about her waist, 
 
 A gallant gaudy ribande had, 
 That girt her body fast." 
 
 See article Wench, in the Glossary before cited. 
 Aunt appears, from the same authority, to be a 
 word, which has improved by age ; it having for- 
 merly borne a meaning extremely injurious to 
 the reputation of those who were so denomi- 
 nated; and, which one would think, any man 
 must have blushed to apply, to either his Father's 
 or Mothers Sister, or his Uncle's Wife. 
 
 Who would suppose that the title of Butcher 
 could ever be given as a title of honor ? yet so it
 
 really was. " Le Boucher 6toit anciennement un 
 surnom glorieux qu'on donnoit a un general, apres 
 une victoire, en reconnaissance du carnage qu'il 
 avoit fait de trente ou quarante mille homines." 
 Essais Historiques sur Paris, par Saintfoix. 
 
 Whoever will take the pains to turn to Bayle's 
 Dictionary, Art. Capet, may see what strange 
 endeavours were made to fix this meaning upon 
 the expressions used by the poet Dante, and 
 which very clearly seemed to say, that the head 
 of the Capetian Stock was the son of a Butcher, 
 which gave great offence to Francis the First, 
 when the passage became known to him. The 
 celebrated Djezzar, Pacha of Acre, of whom Dr. 
 Clarke has given so remarkable an account in 
 his Travels, assumed the name he bore out of 
 pure ostentation; and which, in the Turkish lan- 
 guage, expressly signifies Butcher. 
 
 I have already spoken of several good old 
 country customs, which in too many parts of 
 the kingdom have been suffered to become obso- 
 lete, particularly Christmas festivities : as I am 
 writing this at Christmas time, the following 
 lines seem so admirably adapted both to the sea- 
 son and the subject, that I shall venture to con- 
 clude the Section with them.
 
 DISTINCTIONS, TITLES, &C. 343 
 
 " Get ivye and hull, woman, deck up thyne house : 
 And take this same brawne, for to seeth and to souse ; 
 Provide us good cheere, for thoa know'st the old guise, 
 OLDE CUSTOMES THAT GOOD BE, LET NO MAN DESPISE! 
 At Christ intu be mery, and thanke God of all, 
 And feaste thy poor neighbour, the great and the small."
 
 ANCIENT ETIQUETTE. 
 
 WE must not fancy that questions of etiquette, 
 rank and precedence, family prejudices, &c. are 
 of modern date, or confined to any species of 
 government, or order of society. The Romans 
 paid as great attention to these things, as any 
 people perhaps on the face of the earth ; as the 
 following law, in the famous Theodosian Code, 
 may particularly serve to shew, being a matter 
 of public authority " Si quis indebitum sibi locum 
 usurpaverit ; nulla se ignorantia defendat : sit- 
 que plane sacrilegii reus, qui divina praecepta 
 neglexerit." Surely etiquette could not well be 
 carried higher, than by making an involuntary 
 breach of it, in ignorantly taking a wrong seat, 
 tantamount to sacrilege ; for such is very evidently 
 the spirit and purport of the above citation. The 
 first place was however almost the exclusive ob- 
 ject of contention, for as Ausonius says, " Nulla 
 est quidem Contumelia Secundi, sed ex duobus, 
 Gloria magna preelati." In our own country, by
 
 ANCIENT ETIQUETTE. 345 
 
 the laws of Canute, a person sitting above his 
 station, was to be pelted out of his place by 
 stones, without the privilege of taking offence ; 
 but this is not quite so bad as in India, where 
 by the Gentoo laws, which for what we know 
 may be as old as any, " a Sooder who should be 
 convicted of sitting upon the carpet of a Bramin, 
 was either to have a hot iron applied to the part 
 offending, and be banished, or, suffer positive 
 excision of the part." An ex post facto law with a 
 witness ! 
 
 Aulus Gellius supplies us with some curious 
 cases of Roman etiquette. A father and a son 
 came to visit the Philosopher Taurus at Athens ; 
 the son happened to be Praetor (at the time) 
 of the Province of Crete. Being arrived at the 
 house of the Philosopher, a seat was offered to 
 the father, which he declined in favor of his 
 more dignified son, and in deference to his pub- 
 lic and magisterial character. The Philosopher 
 disputed the propriety of this, alleging that 
 though such deference on the part of the 
 father might be proper enough in public, such 
 ceremonies, on all private occasions, should give 
 way to claims and pretensions more fixed and 
 natural. Aulus Gellius upon this introduces
 
 346 ANCIENT ETIQUETTE. 
 
 another story from the Roman History, as par- 
 ticularly applicable. A son who was Consul, 
 happening in his rides to meet his father, who 
 had served the office the year before, and was 
 therefore only Proconsul at the time, the latter 
 forbore to pay the respect of getting off his 
 horse, on the ground of his being the Consul's 
 father. The lictors in attendance upon the son, 
 knowing the harmony subsisting between them, 
 were at first at a loss how to act, till the son 
 absolutely bade them to compel his father to dis- 
 mount ; to which the latter was not only wise 
 enough to submit, but at the same time failed 
 not highly to commend his son, for supporting 
 his public dignity. 
 
 The Romans seem to have had too great cre- 
 dit given them, in general, for that high-minded 
 spirit of republicanism, which overlooks all acci- 
 dental differences, in estimating the worth and 
 merits of individuals ; and is gratified rather 
 than otherwise, with the unexpected elevation 
 of the humble and lowly. Horace in his IVth 
 Epode, though it must be confessed, the subject 
 of the Ode, Menas, Pompey's Freedman, seems 
 to have been a very shabby sort of gentleman, 
 speaks with rather too much contempt of the
 
 ANCIENT ETIQUETTE. 347 
 
 want of family, when he says, " Fortuna non 
 mutat Genus," which, under any circumstances, 
 is a reflection on low birth. But besides this, 
 he makes a mockery of the servile condition in 
 which Menas had once been, as though it ought 
 at once to preclude a man from any after eleva- 
 tion. I am the more angry with Horace for this, 
 because in another place he has treated the sub- 
 ject so differently, and censured the people for 
 their too great attention to family, which was 
 certainly their foible, as that satire shews. See 
 Sat. vi. Lib.i. 
 
 Nothing could be more contemptuous than 
 Cicero's reply to a man whom he had upbraided 
 for the baseness of his extraction ; the man told 
 him he did not understand him. " And yet 
 thou hast thy ears pierced," said Cicero ; signi- 
 fying by the repartee, that he was of servile con- 
 dition, because the Romans used to pierce the 
 ears of their slaves. 
 
 When Ventidius Bassus, a man of very mean 
 parentage, had by many splendid actions and 
 qualities advanced himself to the highest honors 
 and stations in the republic, the Roman popu- 
 lace, so far from being pleased with the eleva- 
 tion of one born and bred as it were amongst
 
 348 ANCIENT ETIQUETTE. 
 
 themselves, absolutely mocked and insulted him on 
 that very account, by posting up in various parts 
 of Rome the following satirical verses ; for as 
 such they were evidently intended. 
 
 " Concnrrite omnes augures, aruspices ; 
 Portentum inusitatum Conflatum est recens, 
 Nam mulos qui fricabat, Consul factus est !" 
 
 Run, run, je augurs and aruspices! 
 
 Behold a prodigy most new and strange ; 
 
 One who dress'd nudes, made Consul to be sure! 
 
 I have in another place taken notice of the 
 extreme jealousy manifested by the gentry of 
 Rome, in regard to the Jus Annulorum, when 
 persons of low degree took upon them the right 
 of wearing rings, thereby trespassing upon the 
 privileges and distinctions of the higher orders. 
 
 It is well known, I believe, that the law for 
 admitting plebeians to the consular rank at 
 Rome, was entirely owing to female pride and 
 jealousy. The youngest of two sisters having mar- 
 ried a plebeian, while the eldest was the wife of 
 a patrician and Consul, was surprised one day, 
 while on a visit to the latter, at hearing the loud 
 knocking of the Lictors at her sister's door, an-
 
 ANCIENT ETIQUETTE. 349 
 
 nouncing the arrival of the Consul. The lady 
 of the house seeing her surprise, sneeringly and 
 insultingly observed, " the wives of senators are 
 used to this noise ;" which wrought such an 
 effect on the mind and temper of the younger 
 sister, that she never rested till she had pre- 
 vailed on her father and husband, to procure for 
 her the same distinction and honors, by obtain- 
 ing a law to admit Plebeians to the Consular dig- 
 nity ; which, after considerable opposition, was 
 at length accomplished ; her husband Licinius 
 being the first of his rank who was elevated to 
 that post of honor and authority. 
 
 Lucian, who was a contemporary of Aulus 
 Gellius, and a great observer of living manners, 
 both Roman and Grecian, appears to have had 
 his eye particularly on the struggles that took 
 place amongst his contemporaries, for pre-emi- 
 nence and distinction. He continually introduces 
 heroes, philosophers, and even Gods, into his 
 writings, in the act of quarrelling about prece- 
 dence or superiority of some kind or other. Such 
 is his dialogue between Alexander, Hannibal, 
 Scipio, and Minos, which begins with a sort of 
 vulgar jostle between the two former, in the very 
 face of their Judge. " Let me pass," says Alex-
 
 350 ANCIENT ETIQUETTE. 
 
 wider, " for I am much superior to you, Mr. Ly- 
 bian" " By no manner of means," replies Han- 
 nibal, stoutly. The case is referred to Minos, 
 who having learned who they were, permits them 
 to plead their own cause, which in the hands of 
 Lucian is admirably managed ; only I think that 
 having argued the case so well as he has done 
 for Hannibal, I should have been disposed 
 to have brought matters to a different conclu- 
 sion, especially as Plutarch in his compari- 
 son of Casar and Alexander, gives the prefer- 
 ence to the former in two particular instances, 
 exactly similar to those on which Hannibal is 
 made to insist. Lucian, on the contrary, instead 
 of balancing the merits of the two original com- 
 petitors, makes Scipio step in, claiming to take 
 place as the Conqueror of Hannibal, acknowledg- 
 ing himself o.t the same time inferior to Alexander ; 
 by which means Alexander rather too easily ob- 
 tains from Minos the first place, Scipio the second, 
 while Hannibal is thrust to the bottom, for hav- 
 ing failed in battle, rather than in argument. This 
 is the more to be noticed, because it is a circum- 
 stance particularly recorded of Scipio, that he 
 was wont to call Hannibal the greatest General 
 that ever lived, Pyrrhus the Epirot the second,
 
 ANCIENT ETIQUETTE. 351 
 
 and himself the third. Lucian surely must have 
 been unacquainted with this arrangement of 
 Scipio. But there is still another curious history 
 connected with the case, as depicted by Lucian. 
 Hannibal is said to have declared himself inferior 
 to no General that ever lived but Alexander and 
 Pyrrhus, till asked by Scipio what rank he would 
 have claimed had he conquered him. To which 
 Hannibal is reported to have answered, " Had 
 I conquered you, Scipio, I would call myself 
 greater than the Conqueror of Darius, or the 
 Ally of the Tarentines." Now if the above re- 
 lations be true, Lucian has done an injury both 
 to Hannibal and Scipio, in making the first con- 
 tend with Alexander, and the latter ostentati- 
 ously place himself above his African compe- 
 titor ; and as I profess to endeavour to assign 
 to every person his proper rank, I have deemed 
 it fit to rescue these two great Generals from 
 the consequences of such misrepresentation 
 otherwise I hate to find fault with Lucian upon 
 such topics, for he is certainly for the most part 
 very witty, very wise, and very entertaining. 
 
 In another dialogue, Lucian gives a humor- 
 ous account of a dispute about seats, at the very 
 table of the. Gods, between Hercules and jEscu-
 
 352 ANCIENT ETIQUETTE. 
 
 lapius; and which Jupiter was obliged to termi- 
 nate, (words ran so high between them,) by 
 threatening to turn them both out of heaven, if 
 they did not cease to disturb the company. 
 Hercules indeed is represented as abominably 
 insolent, and ungrateful indeed, not only refus- 
 ing to let ^Esculapius sit above him, but calling 
 him all sorts of names, druggist, apothecary, and 
 I know not what, though he had actually been 
 himself benefited by the skill of ^Esculapius, in 
 regard both to the burns he got upon Mount 
 (Eta, and the poisoned tunic of Nessus ; under 
 which he seems to have been suffering consider- 
 ably when he first got to Olympus. But none of 
 these things could restrain his anger and indig- 
 nation, upon the mere thoughts of ^sculapius 
 presuming to take place of him ; he threatens 
 to throw him headlong out of heaven, notwith- 
 standing his immortality, and to give him such 
 a broken head, as Paeon himself should not be 
 able to heal. However ^Esculapius at last pre- 
 vails, through the interposition of Jupiter, who 
 wisely appointed that he who died first, should 
 have the highest place at table ; which happened 
 to be the case with ^sculapius. 
 
 In these Dialogues of the Dead, Lucian intro-
 
 ANCIENT ETIQUETTE. 353 
 
 duces many other curious cases of controverted 
 pre-eminence, as in the one between Diogenes 
 and Mausolus, the celebrated King of Caria, Ar- 
 temisia's husband, as to which was the greatest 
 and most happy ; arid in that between Nireus and 
 Thersites, which was the handsomest ? 
 
 In the first, Mausolus pleads his former rank, 
 his strength, his valour, his beauty, and the glory 
 of his stupendous sepulchre, as setting him, (even 
 in the shades below,) most indisputably high 
 above Diogenes. But how so, says the latter? 
 your kingdom is gone, your valour spent, your 
 strength vanished, your beauty decayed ? I see 
 not why my bald, naked, toothless, eyeless skull is 
 not now quite as good as yours. You cannot 
 cease to lament the worldly advantages you 
 have lost; while I, having left nothing behind, 
 have nothing to sorrow for. And as for the 
 tomb which your wife and sister, with so much 
 cost, built over your remains, I should think 
 such a pack of stones must lie very heavy upon 
 you, and oppress you grievously ; I on the con- 
 trary, neither know nor care whether my carcase 
 were ever buried or not, but am quite sure, that 
 by my peculiar mode of life, I raised to myself a 
 reputation amongst all wise men, greatly superior 
 
 VOL. n. A a
 
 354 ANCIENT ETIQUETTE. 
 
 to your exalted monument, and fixed in a much 
 securer place. 
 
 The dialogue and contest between Nireus and 
 Thersites has something to the same effect ; the 
 judgment and decision being left to Menippus. 
 Am not I, says Nireus, to be accounted much 
 the handsomest of the two ? But who are you 
 both, says Menippus, for I see no difference be- 
 tween you ? I, says Nireus, am the son of 
 Aglaia and Charops, pronounced by Homer to be 
 the most beautiful of all the chiefs before Troy. 
 But you did not descend to the shades below in 
 that form, replies Menippus. We have no most 
 beautifuls here ! Your bones are for all the world 
 exactly like the bones of others: your skull is 
 not to be distinguished from the skull of Ther- 
 sites, except that it is more easily to be broken, 
 being softer, and having nothing manly in it. 
 Let those who saw you, as Homer has spoken of 
 you, tell what you were then, if they please, I 
 can only see and discern what you are now. But 
 still, says Nireus, I am surely handsomer than 
 Thersites ; neither you nor he are handsomer 
 one than the other in this place, says Menippus ; 
 all are equal and alike in the infernal regions, 
 you may depend upon it. Then that is the
 
 ANCIENT ETIQUETTE. 355 
 
 -\ 
 
 utmost / care about it, adds Thersites ; I at 
 least am satisfied. I knew that he was not any 
 longer such as blind old Homer had described 
 him to be, but that I, notwithstanding my 
 hunched back, and lame leg, and blinking eye, 
 was at last become quite as good and as comely 
 as he. 
 
 Lucian wrote indeed for antiquity, and it may 
 be thought that we can have little to do with 
 the characters he describes, or the pictures he 
 draws, except in the way of curiosity. Perhaps 
 so ; but even on this very ground, it may surely 
 afford us some amusement to compare the ac- 
 counts he gives, with what we ourselves see and 
 know of the human race. It might be more in- 
 teresting perhaps if we could trace any striking 
 likenesses, or discover any of our immediate ac- 
 quaintance in the portraits he has drawn ; yet to 
 know something about even Lucian's contempo- 
 raries, is to read the human heart, if not such as 
 it is, such as it has been, and such therefore as 
 by some revolution or other, it may perhaps be 
 again. 
 
 In the following dialogue, old Charon is sup- 
 posed to be in the midst of his business, that of 
 ferrying the dead over the river Styx to the in- 
 A a 2
 
 356 ANCIENT ETIQUETTE. 
 
 fernal regions, and Mercury in attendance as 
 their conductor : the newly deceased crowding 
 and pressing forward to obtain a passage. 
 Hoity toity, says Charon, what a pack of you 
 there are ! and what a parcel of unnecessary things 
 are each of you bringing with you ! do you not 
 see how small and ricketty my boat is ; it al- 
 ready leaks, and if it incline at all to one side 
 more than the other, it will sink. I am confident 
 that if you attempt to enter with all that baggage 
 you bring with you, you will bitterly repent it, 
 especially those that cannot swim. But how 
 then can we pass safely ? Why, I'll tell you, 
 says Charon ; you must all enter stripped, leav- 
 ing every thing superfluous there, on the shore. 
 Therefore Mercury do you look to this ; let 
 none enter, but such as have cast aside every 
 sort of incumbrance. I will, says Mercury ; 
 and therefore, pray Sir, who are you that come 
 first? I am Menippus the Cynic; behold, my 
 scrip and my staff I have cast into the river, 
 and cloak I have none. O very well enter, 
 good man and take your seat there up by the 
 steersman, that you may see all that follow. 
 Who is this Jemmy Jessamine Gentleman ? I 
 am Charmoleus the Dandy universally admired
 
 ANCIENT ETIQUETTE. 357 
 
 for my sliape &ndjigure and complexion well then 
 put off all that conduces to that exquisite shape 
 and figure and complexion; your stays, and ban- 
 dages and supporters, and the colour upon your 
 cheeks, and then come in. That's all very 
 well ; now enter. Who comes next there, with 
 that bauble on his head, and purple robe, look- 
 ing so fierce ? I am Lampichus, Tyrant of Gela. 
 But why do you come here, with such a quantity 
 of luggage? You would not surely, Mercury, 
 have a King come destitute. King, do you say ? 
 You are only a dead man; therefore, for goodness 
 sake, put away all that trumpery. Well, I have 
 thrown away all my money. But you must lay 
 aside your pomp, and pride, too, Lampichus ; for 
 if you attempt to bring them with you, they will 
 sink the boat. Allow me at least to retain my 
 crown, and robe of state. By no means ; they must 
 be given up. Well then ; there can be nothing 
 more required I have now cast aside every in- 
 cumbrance and superfluity. No; you must dis- 
 miss besides, your cruelty, your folly, your arro- 
 gance, and your bad temper. Well, I have done 
 all this. Then go into the boat. And who are 
 you, Sir, that seem so stout and brawny, and 
 have such an abundance of flesh and sinew ? I
 
 358 ANCIENT ETIQUETTE. 
 
 am Damasias the Boxer you may suffer me to 
 pass at once, for I am already stripped and 
 naked. Not naked while you are covered with 
 so much flesh put that away therefore, or the 
 boat will sink if you set but so much as one foot 
 in it ; and cast aside those crowns you have on, 
 with all the praise and flattery of which they have 
 been the occasion. I have done so, and am now 
 assuredly no heavier than any other dead man. 
 See what an advantage it is to be a person of 
 small weight ! Come in and you may come too, 
 Craton, only put away first all your wealth, and 
 luxuries, and effeminacies; and dismiss your fu- 
 neral vestments, and the honors appertaining to 
 your rank. You must be contented to forget 
 your ancestors, and all the past glories of your 
 race ; nor say a word of the inscriptions upon 
 your statues, nor of the superb monument that 
 has been raised to your memory, for the very 
 mention of the latter will make the boat heavier. 
 And pray, Sir, you who appear armed there, 
 what may you want? What trophy is that 
 you carry with you and why all those military 
 orders? They are honors conferred upon me 
 by my country, for having gained victories, and 
 conducted myself bravely in battle. Then you
 
 ANCIENT ETIQUETTE. 359 
 
 may put them all down upon the bank ; for 
 we have peace constantly here in the shades 
 below, and have of course no need of arms or 
 fighting. 
 
 But here is some very grave character com- 
 ing, whom I know not, Menippus. What, or 
 who is he? See how he carries his head on 
 high ; how solemnly he walks ! how he is lost 
 in meditation ! 
 
 It is a philosopher, Mercury ; a very learned 
 gentleman, full of metaphysical conceits, and subtle 
 arguments. Pray make him put off his gown, for 
 you have no conception what a heap of absurd 
 and frivolous things he has under it. Do Sir, 
 then, I beg, put off your gown. Heavens ! what 
 a pack of arrogance, ignorance, uncharitableness, 
 vain glory ; what a string of foolish questions, 
 sophistical reasonings, hard words, and perplexed 
 arguments, does the man carry about with him ! 
 What a quantity of misplaced labour, and lost 
 time, and useless occupation, has he to answer 
 for ! But, by Jupiter, Sir, you must deposit all 
 your gains, and indulgencies, and self -confidence, 
 and touchiness, and weaknesses, (which, though 
 you attempt to hide them, I can see plainly 
 enough) and your hypocrisy, and pride, and above
 
 360 ANCIENT ETIQUETTE. 
 
 all things, the fancy you have formed, that with- 
 out exception you are the wisest man in the world; 
 for if you expect to carry all these things with 
 you, a fifty oared boat would not be strong 
 enough to convey you. Well, I will do as you 
 tell me, here they go. But pray, Mercury, make 
 him cut that long beard of his, and thin those 
 gloomy eyebrows, and see that h$ does not carry 
 with him, what he has long and profitably made 
 use of to humbug all the world, that parcel of 
 fiattery there that he hides within his lips. It 
 would be well, Menippus, if you would curtail 
 your freedom of tongue, restrain your audacity, 
 and forbear your ungenerous ridicule: however 
 I comply behold, Mercury, I put away all you 
 have objected to. 
 
 Admirable then weigh the anchor ; loose the 
 sails ; take the helm, Charon, and let us be off ! 
 But what's the matter, Mr. Philosopher; you 
 seem sadly depressed ? It is, (Mercury,) be- 
 cause I fancied the soul was immortal. Non- 
 sense, / know better. He is lamenting his lost 
 dinners and private indulgences; and his gains 
 from young men on pretence of his superlative 
 wisdom. These are the things that disconcert 
 him so.
 
 ANCIENT ETIQUETTE. 361 
 
 But let's away to judgment sad punishments 
 await the wicked wheels vultures chains 
 and rocks ! Every man's life shall be made 
 manifest
 
 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 THOUGH much has been already said upon the 
 subject of Precedence, yet it still seems to de- 
 serve a Section to itself, as particularly connected 
 with the title of my book, and a subject of press- 
 ing importance, in the affairs of this world. 
 While the best-bred persons and personages in 
 the community, are placed above all hazard of 
 disputes, by their titles of Nobility, it seems a 
 cruel case, by carrying the distinctions no lower, 
 to have thrown such a bone of contention amongst 
 the ignoble and untitled ; amongst those too, who 
 in not a few cases, may be destitute of that good 
 breeding, and those polished manners, that are 
 calculated, under all circumstances, to make life 
 pass smoothly. " People who have no title to 
 distinction," says the Inspector, " are always 
 most ambitious of it." Now this is really very 
 provoking, but who in the world can help it ? 
 The same periodical writer, whose entertaining 
 papers appeared about the middle of the last
 
 PRECEDENCE. 363 
 
 century, (I believe they were chiefly from the 
 pen of Dr. Hill) tells of a Lord Mayor's ball that 
 was thrown into great confusion, by a dispute for 
 precedence, between a " Watch-spring-maker's 
 lady and the wife of a Watch-case-joint-jinisher" 
 The Lord Mayor himself, it seems, was quite in- 
 capable of deciding the matter between them, 
 and I much question, if it had happened at the 
 other end of the town, whether it might not have 
 puzzled the Lord Chamberlain. 
 
 Had such a case been referred to Frederic II. 
 of Prussia, he would probably have settled it, 
 as he is reported to have done, by the lady of 
 the President of the Court of Justice, and the 
 lady of the President of the Chamber of Revenue 
 at Cleves. The former having insisted upon tak- 
 ing place in all public assemblies, till she had 
 wearied out the patience of her competitor, and 
 mortified her pride past all bearing, as a last 
 resource, the lady of the President of the Cham- 
 ber of Revenue wrote to the King himself, de- 
 siring that his Majesty would be pleased gra- 
 ciously to interpose his authority, and declare 
 once for all, which ought to go first. Frederic 
 was at no loss to satisfy the complainant ; how 
 graciously I need not say ; he immediately re-
 
 364 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 turned the following laconic answer : " Let the 
 greatest fool walk first." This is told of Frederic 
 in Dr. Towers's Life of that Monarch, and there- 
 fore I suppose it to be true ; but the very same 
 thing is related by St. Real of Charles Vth, who 
 had a similar point to adjust between two ladies 
 of fashion at Brussels. It is surprising, says the 
 latter author, how polite the two ladies were to 
 each other ever after, and how scrupulous of tak- 
 ing the lead ! 
 
 The ladies' indictment of Timothy Treatall, 
 Gent, in Mr. Bickerstajf's Court of Honour (Tat- 
 ler, No. 262) for the great and unspeakable con- 
 fusion he had occasioned, by desiring a party of 
 ladies to take their places at his supper table, 
 according to their age and seniority, is much of a 
 piece with the above stories ; the only difference 
 being, that a few Tell-tale Parish Registers, to 
 which Mrs. Fidget and Mrs. Fescue, are reported 
 in the paper referred to, to have had recourse, 
 might settle any disputes in regard to age at 
 once ; whereas, which were the greater fool or 
 simpleton, of any two given ladies, disputing for 
 precedence, on the mere ground of their own 
 personal vanity, or private piques, might be a 
 question to puzzle and perplex the subtlety of an
 
 PRECEDENCE. 365 
 
 (Edipus. The following story, related of Mr. 
 George Colman the younger, is, I think, as 
 neat an attempt to settle the question between 
 age and precedence, as I ever remember to have 
 heard. His present Majesty, when Prince of 
 Wales, meeting Mr. C. at a party composed of 
 the first wits of the day, gaily observed, that 
 there were two Georges the younger in company, 
 " But," continued his Royal Highness, " I should 
 like to know, which is George the youngest ?" 
 " Oh !" replied Mr. Colman very happily, " I 
 could never have had the rudeness to come into 
 the world before your Royal Highness." 
 
 Having, as in duty bound, consulted the Re- 
 gister of Mr. BickerstafFs Court of Honour, I am 
 disposed to cite the following case, as suggest- 
 ing a fair and ready mean of settling and adjust- 
 ing any disputed points of ancestry no very un- 
 common subject of jealousy and altercation. 
 Dathan, a pedling Jew, and T. R. a Welchman, 
 being indicted for having raised a disturbance, 
 by a fierce and angry dispute about the antiquity 
 of their families, the Jew pretending to be the 
 son of Meshech, the son of Nabot/i, the son of 
 Shalem, and so on to the end of the chapter; 
 and Taffy, John ap Rice, up Shenkin, ap Shones,
 
 366 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 (ap Endless and Eternity in short ;) they were 
 both sentenced to be tossed in a blanket, in order 
 to prove by sensible demonstration, which could 
 go highest, and as the Tatler expresses it, " to 
 adjust the superiority as they could agree on it 
 between themselves." 
 
 The observation of the Spectator, (No. 119) 
 that, generally speaking, " there is infinitely 
 more to do about place and precedence in a 
 meeting of Justices' wives, than in an assembly 
 of Duchesses," must be received with some al- 
 lowances. Duchesses can have no disputes. Their 
 rank is known not only to themselves, and to 
 each other, but to every body with whom they 
 are likely to associate, and the Nobility may re- 
 joice in being, for the most part, exempt from 
 the confusions and perplexities of a promiscuous 
 Drawing-room . 
 
 " I have known my friend Sir Roger de Cover- 
 ly's dinner almost cold," adds the Spectator, 
 " before the company could adjust the ceremo- 
 nials of precedence, and be prevailed upon to 
 sit down to table." And who has not seen the 
 like, where it has been left entirely to the mas- 
 ter or mistress of the house to arrange a company 
 of untitled guests ? Who has not seen the formal
 
 PRECEDENCE. 367 
 
 circle, standing like a parcel of statues, when 
 dinner has been announced, waiting to have the 
 question of precedence settled without their 
 concurrence, though prepared in their hearts to 
 resent the slightest mistake, or unexpected pre- 
 ference? How often have I wished that they 
 could be prevailed upon to join hands, and twirl 
 and twist themselves out of the room in a circle 
 having neither head nor tail, after the fashion of 
 a round-robin ? True it is, that after all, the 
 dinner table would divide them again, and pre- 
 sent fresh objects of competition, in regard to 
 the upper and lower ends, or dignified middle, 
 of the festive board ; nearness to, or distance 
 from, the master or mistress of the house ; for 
 we are far past the days of Elizabeth, in which 
 our ancestors used to divide their tables into 
 upper and lower messes by a huge salt-cellar in 
 the middle, below which the wine was never al- 
 lowed to circulate, and above which were sure to 
 be placed all the daintiest dishes. In 1597, Hall, 
 depicting the humiliating state of a 'Squire's 
 Chaplain, says that he must not " ever presume 
 to sit above the salt ;" as I have before shewn. 
 
 This custom however extended far into the 
 XVIIth century, as may be seen in Massinger's
 
 368 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 Play of the City Madam, 1632. I apprehend it 
 was connected with the feudal customs, when 
 the Baron and principal persons of his household 
 sat down to the same table. In Decker's Gull's 
 Hornbook, 1609, we read, " at your 12 penny 
 ordinary, you may give any Justice of Peace, or 
 young Knight, if he sit but one degree towards 
 the equinoctial of the salt-cellar, leave to pay for 
 the wine." 
 
 It is a pity that people will not devise or adopt 
 some means of satisfying their own minds, inde- 
 pendently of other circumstances, for this is all 
 that is actually necessary to the comfort of the 
 whole party. Whether Mrs. A. or Mrs. B. hav- 
 ing neither of them any red-book distinctions, go 
 first or sit highest, nobody can care, but Mrs. 
 A. or Mrs. B. themselves, and therefore they 
 would act wisely to be prepared for every alter- 
 native. One of the Chapters in Charron's cele- 
 brated Treatise on Wisdom, begins, " Nihil est 
 (Equalitate inequalius ;" there is nothing more un- 
 equal than equality. And indeed, it must be 
 confessed, there is commonly no greater jealousy 
 or hatred, than that which takes place between 
 persons who are equal the one to the other. 
 Notwithstanding what I have said about Du-
 
 PRECEDENCE. 369 
 
 chesses, I remember one who was so affable to 
 her inferiors, as to be almost degraded in the 
 eyes of the world, by the company she kept ; yet 
 having by birth and inheritance, some preten- 
 sions to royalty, if she happened to be amongst 
 other Duchesses, it is scarcely to be told, how 
 high she carried herself. 
 
 In the " Right of Precedence," attributed to 
 Swift, we have an expedient proposed, which 
 might help the sticklers for precedence in case 
 of equality, admirably. I shall give it in the 
 very words of the author. " And I would farther 
 observe," says he, " for the use of those who 
 love place without a title to it, either by law or 
 heraldry ; as some have a strange oiliness of spi- 
 rit which carries them upwards, and mounts 
 them to the top of all companies, (company be- 
 ing often like bottled liquors, where the light 
 and windy parts hurry to the head, and fix in 
 froth.) I would observe, I say, that there is a 
 secret way of taking place without sensible prece- 
 dence, and consequently without offence. This 
 is an useful secret, and I will publish it here, 
 from my own practice, for the benefit of my 
 countrymen, and the universal improvement of 
 man and womankind. 
 
 VOL. II. B b
 
 370 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 " It is this I generally fix a sort of first me- 
 ridian in my thoughts before I sit down, and in- 
 stead of observing privately, as the way is, whom 
 in company I may sit above, in point of birth, 
 age, fortune, or station, I consider only the si- 
 tuation of the table by the points in the compass, 
 and the nearer I can get to the East, (which is a 
 point of honor for many reasons, porrecta Ma- 
 jestas ad ortum Sohs) I am so much the higher ; 
 and my good fortune is, to sit sometimes, or for 
 the most part due East, sometimes N. by E. 
 seldom with greater variation ; and then I do 
 myself honor, and am blessed with invisible PRE- 
 CEDENCY, mystical to others ; and the joke is, 
 that by this means I take place (for place is but 
 fancy) of many that sit above me ; and while 
 most people in company look upon me as a mo- 
 dest man, I know myself to be a very assuming 
 fellow, and do often look down with contempt 
 on some at the upper end of the table. By this 
 craft I at once gratify my humour, (which is 
 pride,) and preserve my character, and am at 
 meat, as wise men would be in the world, 
 
 ' Exlremi Primorum, extremis usque priores.' 
 
 And to this purpose, my way is to carry a little
 
 PRECEDENCE. 371 
 
 pocket compass in my left fob, and from that I take 
 my measures imperceptibly, as from a watch, in 
 the usual way of comparing time before dinner ; 
 or if I chance to forget that, I consider the situa- 
 tion of the Parish Church, and this is my never- 
 failing regulator." 
 
 This plan of Swift's, (if it be really his) may 
 be all very well as far as it goes, but I confess 
 I think it might be sooner settled, and perhaps 
 with somewhat more satisfaction, or at least 
 amusement, without the aid of any first meridian, 
 pocket compass, or Parish Church at all. For why 
 should not every body make their own seat at 
 table due East at once, and thereby throw all 
 the rest of the company into places of less dig- 
 nity and honor? How delightfully pleasant for 
 instance, must it be, to Mrs. E. and F. after hav- 
 ing been led into the room, fifth or sixth of the 
 party, dangling upon some boy's arm, or smil- 
 ingly linked together for want of male supporters ; 
 and after having seen Mrs. A. Mrs. B. Mrs. C. 
 and Mrs. D. taken before them, to observe the 
 latter, scattered about the dinner table, like the 
 leaves in autumn, to the North and South and 
 West, without order or distinction. How plea- 
 sant to contemplate them, triumphing in their 
 B b 2
 
 372 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 fancied superiority, all the while that they may 
 be 10, 20, or even 30 points from the actual 
 post or seat of honor. But the great beauty of 
 such a scheme is, that in this manner every body 
 may be accommodated exactly according to 
 their own wishes and feelings, for what Mrs. E. 
 or Mrs. F. may do by Mrs. A. and B. and C. 
 the latter may quite as fairly do by Mrs. E. 
 and F. and thus it must be an ill wind indeed, 
 not only that should fail to blow some good to 
 some of them, but that could blow any harm to 
 any one of them. All would be sure to enjoy, 
 what upon such occasions, all appear most to 
 covet and desire, namely, supereminence and dis- 
 tinction ; each individual would not only be pre- 
 cisely in the East, but would have the felicity of 
 seeing their competitors, rivals, friends, and ac- 
 quaintance comparatively below them, either in the 
 Cardinals or Collaterals round the whole com- 
 pass, from East by South or East by North, East 
 South East or East North East, to the very lowest 
 station of all, due West. Some tables are round, 
 like a compass, but it might be managed spite of 
 the squareness, ellipticity, or ovality of others ; 
 as for instance ;
 
 373 
 
 Let O, P, Q, R, represent the table, and let 
 little b stand for the last lady that came into the 
 dining room ; and suppose her to be squeezed in 
 somewhere between the points P and Q. Then 
 let her seat be for the time due East. Draw a 
 right line from little b through the centre, and 
 where it touches the periphery on the other side, 
 mark W. The N and S points will be easily 
 found by another line drawn through the centre, 
 at equal distances from O and R, and of course 
 the rest of the company will occupy seats in the 
 cardinal or collateral points, nearer to or more 
 remote from the East, as it may happen, but all 
 of them comparatively lower. In this manner 
 the Jirst may be last and the last first all round 
 the table, and nobody know any thing about it, 
 except as far as every one's private feelings are 
 gratified, by an assurance that they themselves
 
 374 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 occupy the first seat, whatever becomes of the 
 others ; and if Swift be right, that all place is 
 but fancy *, fancy will be reality in this case, to 
 the satisfaction of every individual however am- 
 bitious Q. E. D. Is not this a problem deserv- 
 ing an Hecatomb ? may I not cry out svpiwot ? I 
 must at the same time declare, that if I have any 
 rival in such a discovery, it seems to be the 
 Grand Seigneur; that is, some ancestor of the 
 present Turkish Emperor, who, upon a jealousy 
 arising between the Military and the Lawyers, as 
 to precedence, very sensibly appointed, that the 
 left hand should be the place of honor for the 
 former, and the right for the latter. By which 
 means, whenever afterward they came in the way 
 of each other, each party felt that it had the pre- 
 cedence. 
 
 After all, let me not be mistaken. I have pro- 
 posed the above scheme for the accommodation 
 of untitled ladies,' allow me to add then, that 
 
 
 
 * That all place and pre-eminence is but fancy, may be collected, 
 as certain Reviewers have observed, from the expressions by which 
 the Methodists designate their sects. They are it seems exclusively, 
 the dear people, the elect, the people of God. " The children of Is- 
 rael," say the Reviewers, " were not more separated, through the 
 special favour of God, from the Egyptians, than the Methodists are, 
 in their own estimation, from the rest of mankind."
 
 PRECEDENCE. 375 
 
 I have in view only those untitled ladies, who 
 may be really in danger of suffocation from the 
 pangs und workings of mortified pride. I know 
 that there is a vast majority of untitled ladies in 
 this kingdom, quite independent of such expe- 
 dients. How great a majority I need not stop to 
 calculate, when I state, that it includes all the 
 well-bred, and all the good-humoured. 
 
 There is a fashion prevalent at this moment, 
 which I think will one time or other be altered. 
 I mean, that of the ladies of highest rank sitting 
 next to the master of the house at the bottom of a 
 long table. This naturally sends the young la- 
 dies, or ladies of no rank, towards the top, and 
 occasions a mixture of the company between the 
 extremes, oftentimes very unsuitable or awk- 
 ward. 
 
 Having like a Geometrician, talked a good deal 
 about A's and B's, and C's and D's, in the setting 
 forth, and demonstration of the above problem, 
 I am led to observe, that alphabetical rank, if 
 really well managed, (not otherwise) is a very 
 commodious resource in cases of necessity, ap- 
 proaching as nearly as can be to accident, and 
 thereby excluding all suspicion of premeditated 
 preference. On such a scale for instance, how
 
 376 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 could Mrs. P. possibly be offended at being made 
 to give place to Mrs. Bouncing B ; nay even 
 Mrs. C. herself could have no ground of com- 
 plaint. To be sure, (and this would be the hard- 
 est case of all) Mrs. Izzard must be prepared for 
 ever to go last, unless she should be fortunate 
 enough to get her husband knighted, which would 
 at once place her even above the untitled wife of 
 Great A himself ! What a triumph ! 
 
 Alphabetical arrangements however, after all, 
 are liable to some objections. They have lately 
 I see been oddly enough adopted in announcing 
 (the most public perhaps of all sublunary events,) 
 the arrivals at Bath ! Were the scheme gene- 
 rally applied, it would be less objectionable, but 
 as it is at present managed, it is entirely confined 
 to plain Mr. and Mrs's. Misses, &c. Every titled 
 person, of what rank soever, from a Duke to a 
 Captain in the Army, having a preference, and 
 being arranged distinctly as follows : 
 
 ARRIVALS. The Duke of W. Countess of X. 
 Archbishop of Y. Viscount B. Lord Bishop of L. 
 Sir Timothy Trollop, Lady Fanciful, Honorable 
 Mr. Thingyemibob, Mr. Looksharp, M.P. Gene- 
 ral O. Judge M. Admiral K. &c. &c.
 
 PRECEDENCE. 377 
 
 And then follow in alphabetical columns. 
 Mr.$Mrs. Mr. Miss Mrs. 
 
 Applepie, "Poughtfort, Long'dfort, Ranto't, 
 Eitit, Gotit, Mourn' dfort, Sigh'dfort, 
 
 Cutit, Kadit, Noddedatit, Tookit, 
 
 Dividedit, Keptit, Opendit, View'dit, 
 
 Eatit, &c. Peep'dinto't, Wonit! 
 
 &c. Quarter'dit, &c. &c. 
 
 &c. 
 
 Now in such an arrangement there may be 
 evidently much positive injustice ; for many 
 plain Mr. and Mrs.'s may in reality be very great 
 people, and much above those who are placed 
 before them; for it should be observed, that 
 every sort of title appertaining to the husband 
 is made to elevate his lady ; so that while Mr. C. 
 having 30,000 a year for his fortune, and mar- 
 ried perhaps to a Baronet's daughter, is reduced 
 to merely alphabetical rank, as a plain Mr. and 
 Mrs. they may see above them, Captain and 
 Mrs. E. Major and Mrs. F. Doctor and Mrs. G. 
 General and Mrs. H. Serjeant and Mrs. J. and so 
 on ; which is enough surely to mortify, if not 
 offend, all such alphabetical Mistresses, not to 
 say a word of their unfortunate husbands, who
 
 378 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 shall have obtained uo titles, and may therefore 
 stand dreadfully responsible for all the degrad- 
 ing consequences. I should advise the Editors 
 of the Bath Papers to consider this matter a little 
 more maturely. 
 
 As an illustration of Swift's maxim, that 
 " Place is but fancy," I shall insert a story I have 
 heard of the celebrated Dr. Bentley, and for 
 which I confess I am disposed to give him much 
 credit. At the dinners he was wont to give at 
 Cambridge, while Master of Trinity College, a 
 gentleman Avhom he was often obliged in courtesy 
 to invite, but who was far from being a favourite 
 with the learned Doctor, without regard to the 
 rank or consequence of the other guests, inva- 
 riably pushed himself up to the top of the table ; 
 to the right or left, that is, of the Doctor himself. 
 The latter wearied and provoked at last, by the 
 gentleman's arrogance and presumption, one day, 
 when he saw that he had taken his usual seat, 
 above the rest of the company, very gravely 
 walked to the top of the table, and taking up his 
 own chair, carried it to the bottom, thereby so 
 entirely reversing matters, that he who had strove 
 so earnestly to be first, became literally last.
 
 PRECEDENCE. 379 
 
 This 1 think was an excellent way of teaching 
 the offender a little Christian humility, and re- 
 minding him of the parable in the XlVth Chap- 
 ter of St. Luke's Gospel, verses 7, 8, 9, 8cc. 
 which all such sticklers for precedence and lovers 
 of" chief seats" would do well to peruse. 
 
 The classical reader may amuse himself if he 
 please, by some curious cases in point, (that is, 
 as to the arrangement of dinner or supper parties,) 
 by referring to Plutarch's Convivial Questions, 
 particularly the second question in the first book. 
 I wish it were not too long to be inserted in this 
 place, as there are some very good remarks and 
 arguments in it ; and in another part of his 
 works, he mentions a curious circumstance, to 
 shew how much attention the Romans paid to 
 matters of etiquette, ceremony, and (what we 
 are particularly writing about,) PRECEDENCE. 
 He intimates that when any persons invited to 
 their table, those to whom a triumph had been 
 decreed, they publicly, and by special mes- 
 sengers, made it their request to the Consuls, 
 that the latter should not attend or be present 
 at the supper ; wishing to be at liberty to ap- 
 propriate the highest place or seat of honor to
 
 380 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 their dignified guests ; which it seems could not 
 be done in the presence of the Consuls. What 
 modern Master of the Ceremonies, or Lord 
 Chamberlain, could be more particular ? What 
 courtly ceremonies have we that exceed this 
 measure of precaution 1 It might I think be an 
 amusing novelty to introduce into our present 
 system of invitations and engagements. Let us 
 fancy some of our beau monde proceeding upon 
 this Roman plan, and sending out concomitant 
 cards, positive and negative. " Pray come, for 
 we wish to make much of you." " Pray don't 
 come, for we wish to make much of those, whom 
 it would be impossible to make much of, if you, 
 who are so much more, should make your appear- 
 ance." I rather wonder this has never been 
 adopted. How amusing to have two cards given 
 to the same servant to deliver. " Mr. and Mrs. 
 E. hope to have the honor of seeing Mr. and 
 Mrs. B. to a select party of friends on Monday 
 the 23d." " Mr. and Mrs. E. particularly re- 
 quest the favor of Lord and Lady F. not to come 
 to their party on Monday the 23d, it being a 
 very select party of plebeians, intended to do 
 honor to Mr. and Mrs. B. with which the noble
 
 PRECEDENCE. 3H1 
 
 presence and company of Lord and Lady F. 
 would necessarily interfere." Though this is 
 never done, I would not answer for its never being 
 thought of, in the appointments that take place 
 both in town and country. I can easily fancy 
 that it comes in, as a regular Thinks- I-to-my self, 
 when those important concerns called dinner- 
 parties, are upon the tapis, (as the French would 
 say) that is in the course of arrangement. It 
 may be taken both ways of course ; as when 
 Lord and Lady F. for instance, are invited posi- 
 tively, a request may be made to Mr. and Mrs. 
 B. in the form of a negative message, to keep at 
 a distance, for fear of offending the Nobility of 
 the former. I would advise the engravers and 
 venders of our invitation cards, to consider how 
 easy a method this would be of doubling their 
 employment and their gains at once. The form 
 might be something in this way, with the usual 
 gaps for " his," " her, " their," &c. " him," " her, 
 " them," to be supplied as occasion may require, 
 not forgetting the little s, s, at the end of the 
 verbs, in case the inviter or prohibitor be a single 
 person, and which sometimes are over-looked, to 
 the great confusion of the Grammar.
 
 382 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 present compli- 
 
 ments, and request the favor of 
 
 not to come to see 
 between the hours of 
 on the instant. 
 
 An answer is desired. 
 
 I have added, " an answer is desired," as of 
 course it must be expedient to prevent any un- 
 pleasant rencontres, and though accidental visiting 
 after a particular time of day, is now so generally 
 exploded, there is no answering for the force of 
 curiosity, or the desire some people feel, to dis- 
 turb the harmony of parties, suspected to be 
 formed on principles too select and exclusive. I 
 am not sure indeed, that this plan has not ab- 
 solutely been adopted, for in Nichols' Literary 
 History, in the Life of Daniel Wray, Esq. the 
 latter agreeable writer speaks in one of his Let- 
 ters, of having ably managed to render a dinner 
 party small and select, by sending one gentleman 
 out of the way, tempting two others out of town
 
 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 by rumours of the small pox, and inventing a 
 most urbane way of uninviting Lord A. 
 
 We know one instance, in which it is the eti- 
 quette previously to send a list of the intended 
 company, to be approved (or otherwise) by the 
 high personage expected to be present, at certain 
 feasts, public or private assemblies, 8tc. &c. If 
 such a power were given to private individuals, 
 of settling who they might choose to meet, what 
 confusion might ensue, before a dinner party 
 or assembly could possibly be arranged ! For 
 (not in the metropolis indeed, where all things 
 are upon a different footing, but) within the 
 limits of that mystical, nay oftentimes as it 
 would seem, beivitched circle, a country neigh- 
 bourhood, there are always persons disposed to 
 consider, not merely WHO but WHAT they are in- 
 vited to meet ; not whether they are friends or 
 relations, amiables or agreeables, but whether they 
 are great and noble ; and who have an odd knack 
 of regarding their equals as their inferiors, and 
 their superiors as their equals. Invite them to 
 meet Lords and Ladies, it is very well ; they are 
 in their proper place, though nominally of no such 
 rank. Invite them to meet no Lords and Ladies, 
 Knights or Baronets, they are degraded by being
 
 384 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 thrust into a second class, " no better than them- 
 selves * /" 
 
 In Mercier's Tableau de Paris, there is a good 
 Chapter on the expression, " bonne Compagnie." 
 " La bonne Compagnie," says he, " peut avoir 
 plus d'un local : 1'opulence ne la suppose pas ; 
 la mediocrite ne 1'exclut point. Elle est parmi 
 ceux qui ont le moins de pretention a ce titre, si 
 souvent cite, si peu defini. Chaque Societe 
 aujourd'hui y pretend exclusiveraent. De la des 
 scenes fort plaisantes : le president soutient que 
 le conseiller n'a pas le ton de la bonne com- 
 pagriie : le maitre des requetes fait le meme re- 
 proche au financier ; le negotiant trouve 1'avo- 
 cat empese, et celui-ci ne veut pas voir le notaire. 
 II n'y a pas, jusqu'au procureur, qui ne fasse la 
 satire de son voisin 1'huissier priseur." 
 
 But to return to the subject of Precedence. 
 The superstitious have gone so far as to suppose, 
 that Orders of Precedence have subsisted even in 
 Heaven ; and would persuade us, that they know 
 the ranks and distinctions of Angels, as perfectly 
 as they know our own degrees of Nobility. As 
 
 * " La inanie etrrnelle de tout gentilliomme eu France est de se 
 croire superitur u Res ryaux, et egal it ses superieurs."Mublij Obser- 
 vations sur rilistoire de France, Tome HI. 335.
 
 PRECEDENCE. 385 
 
 tee have Princes, and Dukes, and Marquesses, 
 and Earls, and Viscounts, and Barons ; in Hea- 
 ven, they assure us, there are the nine Orders 
 of Seraphim and Cherubim, Thrones, Dominations, 
 Virtues, Powers, Principalities, Archangels, and 
 Angels. This arrangement, of what has been 
 called the Angelic Hierarchy, we owe in the first 
 instance, as some say, to Dionysius the Areo- 
 pagite, the Disciple of St. Paul, and the first 
 Bishop of Athens. But it is only an absurd 
 tradition. Casaubon, with all the severity of 
 old fashioned criticism, calls them all a parcel 
 of asses who believe any such thing. There 
 was a Pseudo - Dionysius Areopagite in the 
 fourth century, or later, to whom it is much 
 more justly to be ascribed. But let us owe 
 it to the first, the fourth, the ffth, or the sixth 
 century, the wonder is that it should have con- 
 tinued to form an important part of the popular 
 creed, not only so low as Shakespeare's time, but 
 for nearly a century afterwards ; as may be seen 
 in Heywood's " Hierarchie of the blessed Angells, 
 their names, orders, and offices" printed and pub- 
 lished in the year 1635. Calvin, (a name dear to 
 many in these days, who call themselves after 
 him, without thoroughly knowing, understand- 
 VOL. n. c c
 
 386 PRECEDENCE* 
 
 ing, or following him,) speaking of the conceit 
 of Dionysius, wisely enough calls it, " mem 
 garrulitas," mere nonsensical talk. One would 
 think, says he, (from the confidence with which 
 he speaks,) that he had come down from Heaven, 
 to amuse us with an account of what he had seen 
 there, though St. Paul had already told us, that 
 what he saw, when rapt into the third Heaven, 
 was unutterable, or as I conceive him to have 
 meant, indescribable and inexplicable. Dionysius, I 
 am persuaded, saw no more than we see, though 
 he has been so exceedingly particular in " the 
 heraldry of Angels," (to use a pulpit expression 
 of the learned Bishop Horsley,) as to " tell us" 
 (to cite the same eminent prelate) " exactly 
 how many orders there are, and how many Angels 
 in each order ; that the different orders have 
 their different departments in government as- 
 signed to them ; some, constantly attending in 
 the presence of God, form his Cabinet Council; 
 others are his Provincial Governors ; every king- 
 dom, in the world, having its appointed guar- 
 dian Angel, while others have the charge and 
 custody of individuals. As, for instance, in the 
 Dionysian Hierarchy, to Adam is assigned Ra- 
 zael ; to Abraham, Zakiel ; to Isaiah, Raphael;
 
 PRECEDENCE. 387 
 
 to Jacob, Peliel ; to Moses, Metraton, &c. &c." 
 How very like, (I almost tremble to say,) to 
 the beginning of the Diable Boiteux! Bishop 
 Horsley, I admire greatly for his learning, and 
 regard him as a Polemic of the largest calibre, 
 but I think he suffered himself sometimes to be 
 betrayed into language below the dignity of a 
 Church pulpit. As he did not disdain however 
 to discourse of the " heraldry of Angels," " An- 
 gelic Prime Ministers," and " Cabinet Councils" 
 I trust it will be a fair excuse for my having 
 cited him in a work like the present. In expos- 
 ing the Hierarchy of Dionysius, I am far from 
 intending to invalidate the truly scriptural doc- 
 trine of heavenly superintendance, or the Minis- 
 try of Angels, of which the learned Bishop is 
 so able an advocate ; and which two of our own 
 greatest Poets have, in the very language of in- 
 spiration, so beautifully described. See Spen- 
 ser's Faerie Queen, Book ii. Canto 8. Paradise 
 Lost, Book iv. 1. 677. 
 
 The learned Bishop observes, that this He- 
 raldry and Hierarchy of Angels, is nothing better 
 than the Pagan Polytheism, somewhat disguised 
 and qualified, every nation in the Pagan system 
 having its tutelar deity, subordinate to Jupiter, 
 c c 2
 
 388 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 the sire of Gods and men. Upon which I can- 
 not help observing, that the Fairy Mythology of 
 the Goths and Scandinavians, seems to be ana- 
 logous to both systems ; the bright and swart 
 Elves, benignant and malignant Fairies, being the 
 constant attendants of mankind, in all the cir- 
 cumstances of their lives, their domestic employ- 
 ments very particularly ; of which an excellent 
 account is to be seen in Dr. Drake's History of 
 Shakespeare and His Times, 1817. Of Fairy 
 Titles we subjoin the following specimen from 
 Scot's amiable and sensible work, the Disco- 
 verie of Witchcraft, Bull-beggars, Spirits, Urchins, 
 Elves, Hags, Fairies, Satyrs, Pans, Faunes, Sylens, 
 Kit with the Cansticke, Dwarfes, Imps, Nymphes, 
 Changlings, Incubus, Robin Goodfellowes, the 
 Spoone, the Mace, the Man in the Oke, the Hell- 
 waine, the Fier-drake, the puckle Tom Thombe, 
 Hobgoblin, Tom Tumbler, and Boneless. Shake- 
 speare's Jiends seem much of the same descrip- 
 tion ; as Hopdance, Flibbertigibbet, Hobbididance , 
 Puck, Ouph, &c. Among Jiends, who would not 
 reckon those horrible plagues and torments, the 
 blue-devils ? in fairy or Jiend language, however, 
 they seem to have other names, and one so odd- 
 sounding, as to be almost capable of turning
 
 PRECEDENCE. 389 
 
 them into green or yellow devils, or any merrier 
 colour, for in the language alluded to, they are 
 not only called mulligrubs but mubblefubbles ! who 
 would ever think that such a complaint as the 
 mubblefubbles, could imply extraordinary sadness 
 or depression of spirits? It might be expected to 
 move to laughter even Heraclitus himself. One 
 author calls them mumble-fubbles. 
 
 ' And when your brayne fetls any payne, 
 
 \Vitb cares of state and troubles, 
 We'll come in kindnesse, to put your highnesse 
 Out of your mumble-fubbles.' 
 
 Misc. Ant. Angl. cited by the Glosaarist. 
 
 I have already spoken of the Pagan Mytho- 
 logy, (or Pagan Heraldry if you please,) at the 
 outset of my work ; the Bishop proceeds to shew 
 that the Jewish Rabbins, who lived after the dis- 
 persion, were the people who transferred the ho- 
 nors of the tutelar Deities to the different orders 
 of tutelar Angels ; I shall give a sketch in conse- 
 quence of this hint, of the Jewish Orders of Pre- 
 cedence ; not above, (that is in the heavens,} but 
 below here, upon earth; the ancientest express 
 distinctions of order, rank, and precedence, are 
 I believe to be found in their Mishnah, where it 
 is regularly settled that
 
 390 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 A Master of the Law is before the King ; 
 
 The King before the High Priest ; 
 
 The High Priest before the Priest anointed for 
 the War ; 
 
 The Priest anointed for the War before a Chief 
 of any of the Priests' Courses ; 
 
 A Chief of the Priests 1 Courses before the Head 
 of a Family ; 
 
 The Head of a Family before a Commander of 
 the Revenue ; 
 
 A Commander of the Revenue before the Trea- 
 surer ; 
 
 A Treasurer before an ordinary Priest ; 
 
 A Priest before a Levite ; 
 
 A Levite before an Israelite ; 
 
 An Israelite before a Manzer ; 
 
 A Manzer before a Nethin ; 
 
 A Nethin before a Proselyte ; 
 
 A Proselyte before a manumitted Bondsman. 
 
 This order was principally arranged for the 
 schools or public lectures, but the regularity of 
 it may serve to shew, how universal the feeling 
 is, and has been, which directs the mind to such 
 arrangements ; and how it has pervaded all de- 
 scriptions of beings, from the Angels of Heaven, 
 (according to their King at Arms, the Pseudo-
 
 PRECEDENCE. 391 
 
 Dionysius of the fourth or fifth century,) to the 
 Tailors of our own days ! For in regard to the 
 latter, the newspapers of the summer only just 
 past supply us with the following strong evi- 
 dence of their sentiments upon this head, as ex- 
 pressed by themselves in the following remon- 
 strance. If it should not be true, it is not the 
 less to my purpose ; since it is the object of this 
 book to assist Tailors, as well as all other mem- 
 bers of society, to ascertain their real and pro- 
 per rank, and if any attempts were made at Pres- 
 ton, to put those above them, who ought not to 
 be so placed, they had a right to remonstrate, if 
 not in the very terms, yet certainly in the very 
 spirit of the address ascribed to them. I shall 
 give the account exactly as it appeared in the 
 newspapers. 
 
 DIGNITY OF TAILORS. The Tailors of Pres- 
 ton have put forth the following notice : To the 
 Public. The Tailors' fraternity of Journeymen 
 respectfully present the following notice to the 
 public : that in consequence of the situation 
 which they are to be placed in at the ensuing 
 Guild a situation which they consider derogative 
 from the dignity of their sacredly instituted profes-
 
 392 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 sion, they do not intend to favor the procession 
 with their attendance, except they are permitted 
 to take that situation which the high antiquity 
 of their trade demands a trade first taught by in- 
 stinct, and matured in the earliest ages. They are 
 prepared to prove their inalienable right to the first 
 situation, from unquestionable authority ; nor did 
 they entertain the most distant idea, the high an- 
 tiquity of their honorable profession would have been 
 disputed. The only privilege they wish the only 
 right they require, is to be allowed to move in 
 that situation which has always been assigned to them 
 from the creation of the world to the present time, 
 (the last Guild excepted,) and they are resolved 
 never to be disgraced by tamely accepting of any 
 other" Manchester Guardian. Now this is ad- 
 mirable, if they don't overdo the matter for in 
 going back to trades and professions of clothing, 
 " taught by instinct" or " sacredly instituted," do 
 they not run a risk of bringing into rivalry, the 
 Gardeners and Leather Breeches-maker si Were 
 not the leaves of trees, and skins of animals, the 
 first articles of clothing taught by instinct, or sa- 
 credly instituted ? I merely ask the question as 
 a caution against the return of the next Guild,
 
 PRECEDENCE. 393 
 
 and when we may expect similar remonstrances 
 to appear, if the case be not previously decided 
 in favor of the Tailors. 
 
 Their going back to the Creation puts me in 
 mind of the answer I once heard given by a ser- 
 vant to a lady of high rank ; what they call a 
 batch of new Peers having just been made, the 
 lady was not sure whether she was in the habit 
 of visiting (that is exchanging cards) with one 
 of the new Peeresses ; and she referred to the 
 footman in waiting, who was accustomed to de- 
 liver such cards. " Do I visit Lady H. ?" was 
 the question ; to which the servant properly 
 enough replied, " your G ce has not visited her 
 since the Creation." 
 
 In Madame Campan's Memoirs of Marie An- 
 toinette, lately published, there is a still more ex- 
 traordinary instance to be found of disputed 
 precedence and etiquette. It was the custom at 
 Paris, it seems, under the old Regime, when the 
 public were admitted gratis to the theatres, by 
 order of the Court, to assign, the Charcoal Ven- 
 ders of the city, the King's state box, and the 
 Queens box to the Poissardes, or Fish-women at- 
 tending the markets ; and on one occasion, says 
 Madame Campan, their right to occupy those
 
 394 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 seats was demanded as a fixed point of etiquette, 
 with as much pertinacity as could be observed 
 by nobles, or even Sovereign Courts. " Such 
 grave questions of precedence," observes the 
 Editor, " well deserve to be particularized in me- 
 moirs of the times. Since the Revolution, neither 
 the Charcoal Venders, nor the Poissardes are dis- 
 tinguished in the gratis Performances : all Ranks 
 are confounded together. It appears to us only 
 just that every one should know his rights, and 
 keep his place !" 
 
 In the XVth, XVIth, and XVIIth centuries, 
 the different ranks in society were distinguished 
 by the several birds of prey appropriated to their 
 sports, as follows ; 
 
 An Eagle, a Bawter (Vulture), a Melown; these 
 belong unto an Emperor. 
 
 A Gerfalcon : a Tercell of Gerfalcon are due to 
 a King. 
 
 There is a Falcon gentle and a Tercell gentle ; 
 and these be for a Prince. 
 
 There is a Falcon of the Rock ; and that is for 
 a Duke. 
 
 There is a Falcon Peregrine ; and that is for an 
 EarL 
 
 Also there is a Bastard ; and that Hawk is for 
 a Baron.
 
 PRECEDENCE. 395 
 
 There is a Sacre and a Sacret ; and these ben 
 for a Knight. 
 
 There is a Lanare and a Laurell ; and these 
 belong to a Squire. 
 
 There is a Merit/on ; and that Hawk is for a 
 Lady. 
 
 There is an Hoby ; and that is for a young 
 Man. 
 
 There is a Goshawk; and that Hawk is for a 
 Yeoman. 
 
 There is a Tercell ; and that is for a poor Man. 
 
 There is a Spam-hawk ; she is an Hawk for a 
 Priest. 
 
 There is a Muskyte ; and he is for an holy-water 
 Clerk. 
 
 To this list the Jewel for Centre adds, 
 
 A Kesterel for a Knave or Servant. 
 
 Brute animals themselves have been supposed 
 to be not insensible to the distinctions of rank 
 and precedence. In that very entertaining work, 
 the " Diary of an Invalid," we read of the Coivs 
 in Switzerland having bells of different sizes sus- 
 pended to their necks, in proportion to their merit ; 
 " and it is said," (observes the author,) " that 
 these animals are so susceptible of feelings simi- 
 lar to our own, that if the leading cow fall into
 
 396 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 disgrace, and be deprived of her honors, she 
 exhibits all the mortification of wounded pride, 
 and angry j ealousy at the promotion of her rival. 
 And the question of precedence excites as much 
 bitterness in the pastures of the Alps, as it can 
 do in the drawing room of the Thuilleries or St. 
 James's." According to Horace indeed, there is 
 a sort of transmissible Nobility amongst them ; 
 
 Est in Jiiffiicis, est in equis patrum 
 Virtus : nee imbellem feroces 
 Progenerant Aquihc Colnmbam. 
 
 A circumstance particularly dwelt upon by 
 Plutarch in his treatise vmp ayyevetar, to prove 
 that Nobility, and good parentage, have always 
 been accounted the root of great qualities. 
 
 I fancy our sportsmen understand this Nobility 
 very well. I remember two greyhounds sent from 
 Newmarket to a relation of mine, with a regular 
 pedigree of a yard long from King Dumpling ; 
 and I am almost confident that I knew a dog 
 once that died of pride ; it happened to be one 
 of King Charles's breed. The following is said 
 to be a literal translation of the pedigree of an 
 Arabian horse, well known in Nottinghamshire 
 a few years since. " In the Name of G D the
 
 PRECEDENCE. 397 
 
 Merciful! the cause of the present writing is, 
 that we witness that the grey horse Derrish, of 
 Mahomet Bey, is of the first breed of Nedgee 
 horses ; whose mother is the grey mare Hadba 
 the famous, and whose father is the bay horse 
 Dahrough, of the horses of the tribe of Benhi- 
 haled. We testify on our conscience and for- 
 tune, that he is of the breed concerning which 
 the Prophet hath said, ' the true runners when 
 they run strike fire ; they grant prosperity until 
 the day of Judgment.' We have testified what 
 is known ; and G D knows who are true wit- 
 nesses." [Followed by six signatures.] 
 
 Heralds have assigned distinguished rank to 
 objects of all kinds, as in Sir John Feme's ex- 
 emplification of his second species of Nobility, 
 Nobility natural ; " which consists," says he, 
 " in the great variety of creatures ; as for exam- 
 ple, among the Planets the SUN is the most no- 
 ble; among the Elements FIRE ; among the Plants 
 the CEDAR ; Flowers, the ROSE ; Metals, GOLD ; 
 Gems, the DIAMOND; Fish, the DOLPHIN; 
 Birds, the EAGLE ; Beasts, the LION ; and Men, 
 the KING." 
 
 The oddest sort of regulated precedence I re- 
 member to have ever stumbled upon, is in the
 
 PRECEDENCE, 
 
 laws of the Saxon or Anglo-Saxon King ^Ethel- 
 bert. It relates to fingers and toes, and thumb- 
 nails, and great toe-nails. " A penalty of 20 
 scyllinga is enjoined for the loss of the thumb, and 
 3 scyllinga for the thumb-nail. The loss of the 
 great toe is to be compensated by ten scyllinga, 
 and the other toes by half the price of the fingers ; 
 and for the nail of the great toe 30 sceatta must be 
 paid to bot." (Wilkins Leg. Anglo Sax. p. 61.) 
 In times when the were and weregeld were in use, 
 and intended to mark exactly the rank and im- 
 portance of persons, the above cannot be con- 
 sidered in any other light than that of marking 
 the exact rank and importance of the particular 
 parts of persons here enumerated ; and indeed 
 antiquaries have been found to turn it to this 
 use ; for by discovering it to have been the de- 
 cided intention of the legislator, to estimate the 
 toes at half the value of the fingers, which is shewn 
 to be the case by comparing the compensation 
 for the thumb and great toe, it has been decided 
 that the 30 sceattas for the nail of the great toe, 
 must have been meant to be equal to half of the 
 three scyllinga exacted for the thumb-nail, and 
 therefore that 20 sceattas were equal to one scyl- 
 linga ! Now this is an admirable discovery, but
 
 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 how should we have got at it, if King ^Ethelbert 
 had not, with all the force of kingly authority, 
 previously determined, that thumbs should rank 
 before great toes, o.\\A fingers before common toes, 
 and thumb-ttaz'/s before great toe-nails ? It is 
 amazing to what a variety of uses Heraldry may 
 be applied. There seems however to have been 
 some confusion in the toe ^nd finger orders of 
 precedence as well as in others, for by some or- 
 dinances, the little finger appears to have taken 
 place of the great toe, while the fore finger, ring 
 finger, and middle finger, all ranked below the 
 great toe, and in different degrees. As to other 
 parts, there is no good reason to be given, why, 
 as was the case, an Anglo-Saxon shoulder should 
 have ranked above a thigh in the proportion of 
 20 to 12, and above an Anglo-Saxon arm in the 
 proportion of 20 to 6. To almost every part of 
 the human body, a particular importance or rank 
 if you please, was assigned, of which a judgment 
 may be formed from the following liberal allow- 
 ances ; for xx shillings any body might lame 
 the shoulder, divide the chine-bone, cut off a, thumb, 
 pierce the diaphragm, tear off the hair, and frac- 
 ture the skull of any of his friends or neighbours. 
 For xn shillings he might break their thighs, cut
 
 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 off their ears, wound their eyes or mouths, or injure 
 their teeth so as to affect their speech. For xi, 
 they might cut off any body's little finger ; and 
 for x shillings their great toe. For ix shillings 
 they might indulge themselves in slitting their 
 neighbour's nose, and for only vin shillings cut 
 off & forefinger. I shall go no further. This is 
 quite enough to shew, what great attention was 
 paid by our Anglo-Saxon ancestors to the mar- 
 shalling of the several Members of the State, ac- 
 cording to their exact value and importance, 
 whether twelf -hinds, six-hinds, twi-hinds, (as has 
 been observed in a former section) fingers, 
 thumbs, toes, great toes, noses, ears, eyes, dia- 
 phragms, shoulders, thighs, arms, teeth, hair, 
 skulls, and chine-bones ! beards, and what 
 not ? Fingers were the subjects of other distinc- 
 tions, bordering upon the heraldic, as may be 
 seen by the following extract from Mirtsheiv's 
 Polyglot Dictionary, under the article Ring- Fin- 
 ger. Vetus versiculus singulis digitis annulum 
 tribuens, " Miles, Mercator, Stultus, Maritus, 
 Amator." To continue the reference in English, 
 a ring on the thumb denoted a soldier, or doctor; 
 on the finger next the thumb, a sailor, or mer- 
 chant ; on the middle finger a fool ; on the fourth.
 
 PRECEDENCE. 401 
 
 or ring finger, a married or diligent person ; and 
 on the last, or little finger, a lover. 
 
 Among the Ripuarians there seems to have 
 been one great oversight in regard to the were or 
 mulct for the killing of a Bishop. The murderer 
 of a Bishop was permitted to atone for his crime, 
 by giving as much gold as was equal to a tunic 
 of lead of the height of the guilty person, and of a 
 determinate thickness. Now was not this ex- 
 posing the Bishop to the vengeance of his short, 
 more than of his tall enemies, and even prompt- 
 ing the former to commit a crime, which the 
 calculating prudence of the latter might dispose 
 them to avoid-? 
 
 In ancient times the feudal lords who had the 
 right of haute Justice, or power of executing cri- 
 minals within their demesnes, had distinctions 
 of a very peculiar nature ; the Gallows of a Baron 
 might stand uiponjbur posts : that of a Chatelain 
 only on three ; while the inferior lord who pos- 
 sessed this right was forced to hang his subjects 
 on a fwo-legged machine. In Arragon those who 
 had not a right to execute criminals publicly, 
 might yet enjoy the pleasure of starving them to 
 death in prison, or destroying them, fame, fri- 
 gore, et siti, by hunger, thirst, and cold ! ! 
 
 VOL. II. D d
 
 402 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 It is quite surprising to what odd distinctions, 
 people have had recourse to mark their rank and 
 consequence. The Chinese women cripple their 
 feet, to shew their quality ; and in Coryates Cru- 
 dities, there is a curious account given, of the 
 Chapineys, (Chioppines) or high-heeled shoes, 
 worn by the ladies of Venice, which though ex- 
 tremely inconvenient, so as to require persons 
 to support those who wore them, and notwith- 
 standing which they were frequently liable to 
 fall, yet were worn the higher in proportion as 
 the persons using them were more noble. Co- 
 ryatte himself saw one of these nobles in stilts, 
 get a dreadful tumble from the mere height of 
 her Chapineys. 
 
 It is impossible to set bounds to the love of 
 distinction, or disputes concerning precedence ; 
 of which we have a memorable instance in the 
 account given us by Colonel Munro, of a mutiny 
 in the army in India, under his command. Hav- 
 ing found it indispensably necessary to punish 
 some of the ringleaders, four were ordered to be 
 tied to the guns, and the artillery officers di- 
 rected to blow them away. Just as the dreadful 
 sentence was going to be executed, four grena- 
 diers stepped forth, and insisted upon it that as
 
 PRECEDENCE. 403 
 
 they had always had the post of honor, they were 
 strictly entitled to be blown away first ! The others 
 therefore were untied, and the grenadiers blown 
 away according to their desire ! 
 
 Queen Elizabeth had a curious way of settling 
 points of precedence. In speaking of the pro- 
 ficiency in Latin literature, of George Buchanan 
 and Walter Haddon, she was used to say, " Bu- 
 chananum Omnibus owfepono Haddonum Nemini 
 postpono" At the late Election of a new Lord 
 Rector of Glasgow University, there was a speech 
 made, in which the merits of the two Candidates, 
 Sir James Mackintosh and Sir Walter Scott, 
 were so nicely balanced, as to settle matters as 
 nearly as possible upon the footing of Queen 
 Elizabeth's distinctions. Each of the Candidates 
 severally, in the estimation of the learned and in- 
 genious Orator, seemed to be clearly above every 
 body and below nobody. If Sir James wasjrs of 
 all, Sir Walter was second to none, and vice versa. 
 
 The most provoking thing is, when Kings or 
 the Representatives of Kings, quarrel about prece- 
 dence ; for then, 
 
 " The cloud-capt Towers, the gorgeous Palaces, 
 Tlie solemn Temples, the great Globe itself, 
 Nay all who it inherit, may dissolve,"
 
 404 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 ere either of the parties can be induced to give 
 way. 
 
 In the year 1600, negotiations were set on foot 
 for restoring Peace between the Queen of England 
 and the King of Spain, at Boulogne ; but proved 
 abortive, because the Plenipotentiaries found it 
 impossible to adjust the ceremonials among them, 
 to the satisfaction of their respective Courts. 
 The precedence had from time immemorial been 
 yielded to the Crown of England, by the Crowns 
 of Castile and Arragon, and Elizabeth main- 
 tained, that it still belonged to her, notwith- 
 standing the union of these Crowns, and the 
 conquest of Grenada, since Spain considered as 
 one kingdom was greatly inferior to England in 
 point of antiquity, which was the only ground on 
 which a point of this sort could be settled. But 
 the Spanish Ministers could not perceive the 
 force of this reasoning; they claimed the pre- 
 cedence on account of the superior extent and 
 power of the Spanish Monarchy. Elizabeth, in 
 order to prove the sincerity of her pacific dispo- 
 sition, even went so far as to offer to agree to an 
 equality, but they rejected the offer, and insisted 
 that the superior dignity of the Catholic King 
 should be recognised. To this the Queen as
 
 PRECEDENCE. 405 
 
 peremptorily refused her consent, and soon after 
 the Plenipotentiaries left Boulogne re infect a ; 
 that is, to speak morally and philosophically, (not 
 politically,) war with all its horrors, was to be 
 allowed to rage still longer upon the earth, de- 
 stroying its thousands and tens of thousands, 
 because one man and one woman could not agree 
 upon a point of etiquette ! ! 
 
 We have an account that Conrad III. Empe- 
 ror of the West in the Xllth century, refused to 
 kiss Emmanuel Commenus, the Emperor of the 
 East, while the latter was sitting, and himself 
 standing. I give great credit to the sage coun- 
 sellors of the two Kings, for their management 
 in getting over this kissing difficulty. They so 
 contrived that the two Kings should never meet 
 but on horseback, where both being seated, they 
 might kiss each other as long as they pleased, 
 without any loss of dignity on either side. " In 
 equis se viderent, et ita ex parilitate conveni- 
 entes, sedendo se et osculando salutarent." 
 There were many forms of kissing observed 
 amongst the Roman Emperors ; the feet, the 
 hand, the knee, or the lips. Sometimes they 
 used to kiss the fore finger and thumb, in token 
 of homage, turning about the body at the same
 
 406 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 time. Tiberius appears not to have liked kisse* 
 of ceremony and form much. " Oscula Cotti- 
 diana," says Suetonius, " prohibuit edicto." 
 How much he liked some other sorts of kissing, 
 may be learned from Martial. Critics have 
 thought that the Catholic custom of kissing the 
 Pope's toe, was rather heathenish than Christian 
 in its origin, being rather an homage paid to the 
 gold and pearls on the sandal of Caligula, than 
 to the cross on his Holiness's slipper. This is a 
 question I cannot decide, and shall therefore re- 
 turn to the subject of kingly precedence. 
 
 Nothing could be better upon an emergency 
 of this nature, than the trick which that semi- 
 barbarian Peter the First played to Lewis the 
 Fifteenth. It has so much humour in it, that I 
 wonder it has never been made the subject of an 
 historical caricature. When Peter visited Paris, 
 Lewis was a child, and one day, when they were 
 going out together in state, some difficulties 
 arose in the French Court, how it should be 
 managed, that in getting into the carriage, the 
 little King should take place of the great Emperor. 
 Peter perceived what they were about, and not 
 willing to compromise his imperial dignity, as 
 they were passing through the crowd, between
 
 PRECEDENCE. 407 
 
 the palace and the coach, he pretended to take 
 compassion on his baby brother, and to save him 
 from the pressure of the people, fairly took him 
 up in his arms, and conveyed him to the carriage, 
 as a nurse would carry her infant. 
 
 Philip the Second of Spain being reproved by 
 the Ambassadors of Germany, because he would 
 have every man speak to him kneeling, excused 
 himself by observing, that he did it " only lest 
 he being so short, his taller subjects should be 
 above him." 
 
 Buonaparte seems to have had some good no- 
 tions upon the subject of diplomacy ; notions 
 which might greatly help to remove some of 
 those difficulties, which are often found to im- 
 pede business of the highest importance to the 
 well-being of mankind. He would not acknow- 
 ledge Ambassadors to be the actual representa- 
 tives of their Sovereigns, because nothing they 
 signed could be valid till ratified at home. Nor 
 do Sovereigns treat them as equals, by returning, 
 their visits, &c. On these grounds, an Ambas- 
 sador might reasonably submit to ceremonies, 
 which might be degrading to Sovereigns them- 
 selves ; and according to Mr. O'Meara's report 
 of his observations, in his estimation Lord Ma-
 
 408 PRECEDENCE* 
 
 cartney and Lord Amherst might have performed 
 the Ko-tou before the Emperor of China, without 
 compromising the dignity of their royal master, 
 since the Mandarins did so ; upon this express 
 condition however, that any Chinese Ambassador 
 should in London submit to such forms of eti- 
 quette, as the Princes and Nobles of Britain ob- 
 serve. Now there is surely a great deal of good 
 sense in this, though very little delicacy by the 
 bye, in the Ex-Emperor's illustration of his feel- 
 ings upon the subject ; for I shall not be ex- 
 pected I think to add, what he himself would 
 have done, had it been the etiquette with his own 
 grandees, (a pretty etiquette !) sooner than re- 
 linquish the objects to be attained for the sake 
 of a mere ceremony. Whoever has not read the 
 book need not trouble themselves to look for the 
 passage to which I allude. 
 
 It was a laughable piece of pride in the people 
 of Padua, to take offence, as they are said to 
 have done, if a noble Venetian ever appeared in 
 their streets, not in his full dress gown, but in 
 a short coat, as if he fancied himself taking his 
 walk at his ease, in a mere country milage. 
 
 In Lord Bacon's Essays, and miscellaneous 
 writings, are to be found many things extremely
 
 PRECEDENCE. 409 
 
 applicable to different Sections of this work ; as 
 in his thoughts upon " Great Place," " Kings," 
 " Nobility," " Empire," " Riches," " Ambition," 
 " Masques and Triumphs," " Ceremonies and Re- 
 spects," " Honour and Reputation," &c. &c. but 
 on the particular subject of precedence, he has 
 supplied us with a curious marshalling of the de- 
 grees even of Sovereign honor, as may be seen in 
 the following short extract. " In the first place," 
 says he, " are * Conditores Imperiorum,' the foun- 
 ders of states and commonwealths ; such as were 
 Romulus, Cyrus, Ctesar, Ottoman, Ismael. In the 
 second place are ' Legislators, ' Lawgivers ; which 
 are also called second founders, or ' Perpetui 
 Principes,' because they govern by their ordi- 
 nances after they are gone ; such were Lycurgus, 
 Solon, Justinian, Edgar, Alphonsus of Castile, the 
 wise, that made the ' Siete patridas.' In the third 
 place are ' Liberatores,' or ' Salvatores;' such as 
 compound the long miseries of civil wars, or de- 
 liver their countries from servitude of strangers 
 or tyrants ; as Augustus Ceesar, Vespasianus, Au- 
 relianus, Theodoricus, King Henry the Seventh of 
 England, King Henry the Fourth of France. In 
 the fourth place, are ' Propagatores,' or ' Pro- 
 pugnatores Imperil ; such as in honorable wars
 
 410 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 enlarge their territories, or make noble defence 
 against invaders. And in the last place, are 
 ' Patres Patriee,' which reign justly, and make 
 the times good wherein they live. Both which 
 last kinds," adds his Lordship, " need no ex- 
 amples, they are in such numbers." Surely 
 there was a little flattery in this, and at all 
 events, I should have been disposed to place the 
 " Patres Patria" much higher. It is, however, 
 a curious order of Precedences, in respect to So- 
 vereigns themselves, and as in State Ceremonies 
 and Processions, the greatest go last, I shall 
 wind up my account of matters here ; for it is 
 time to come to a conclusion, and therefore to 
 render the general case of -Precedence clear and 
 intelligible to all classes of persons, I cannot I 
 think do better, than subjoin a few remarks upon 
 it, to be found in the 69th Number of the Tat- 
 ler. In Young's Universal Passion, there are 
 some very strong lines to the purpose, but I ra- 
 ther prefer the following for its simplicity and 
 extreme good sense. 
 
 " It is to me a very great meanness, and some- 
 thing much below a philosopher, which is what 
 I mean by a gentleman, to rank a man among 
 the vulgar for the condition of life he is in, and
 
 PRECEDENCE. 411 
 
 not according to his behaviour, his thoughts, and 
 sentiments, in that condition. For if a man be 
 loaded with riches and honors, and in that state 
 of life has thoughts and inclinations below the 
 meanest artificer; is not such an artificer, who 
 within his power is good to his friends, moderate 
 in his demands, and chearful in his occupation, 
 very much superior to him, who lives for no other 
 end but to serve himself, and assumes a prefer- 
 ence in all his words and actions to those who act 
 their part with much more grace than himself? 
 Epictetus has made use of the similitude of a 
 stage-play to human life with much spirit. It 
 is not, says he, to be considered among the 
 actors, who is Prince, and who is Beggar, but 
 who acts Prince or Beggar best . The circumstance 
 of life should not be that which gives us place, 
 btit our behaviour in that circumstance is what 
 should be our solid distinction. Thus a wise man 
 should think no man above him or below him, 
 any further than as regards the outward order or 
 discipline of the world. For if we take too great 
 an idea of the eminence of our superiors, or subor- 
 dination of our inferiors, it will have an ill effect 
 upon our behaviour to both. He who thinks no 
 man above him but for his virtue, none below him
 
 412 PRECEDENCE. 
 
 but for his vice, can never be obsequious or assum- 
 ing in a wrong place, but will frequently emulate 
 men in rank below him, and pity those above 
 him. 
 
 " This sense of mankind is so far from a le- 
 velling principle, that it only sets us upon a true 
 basis of DISTINCTION, and doubles the merit of 
 such as become their condition" 
 
 THE END. 
 
 V 
 
 LONDON I 
 
 PRINTED BY II. GILBERT, 
 ST. JOHN'S SQUARE.

 
 
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