THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES
 
 
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 REMARKABLE 
 
 S AT IRES 
 
 The Caufidicade^ f The ProceJJlonade^ 
 The7riumvtrade,$ The ^Pifcopade, 
 The Porcupinade^ ThzScandalizade, 
 
 AND THE 
 
 Pafqumade^ with Notes variorum. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 Printed for Mrs. NEWCOMB, the Corner of Fountain- 
 Court , nearly oppofite Exeter Exchange^ in the 
 Sir and. 1760. 
 
 Price J. 6d. few'd.
 
 THE 
 
 TRIUMVIRADE: 
 
 O R, 
 
 BROAD-BOTTOMRY. 
 
 A Panegyri-Satiri-Serio-Comi-Dramatical 
 
 P OEM. 
 
 By PORCUPINUS PELAGIUS, 
 Author of the C A u s i D i c A D E. 
 
 Refurgit. ANONY. 
 
 Hie ergo qui quondam VIRC. 
 
 B 
 
 769076
 
 
 MOT* XA 
 
 .M
 
 THE 
 
 TRIUMVIRADE, 
 
 Q.QQQ&HEN Grant own and Bathon> as Story r?- 
 
 n 1 w In cords ' 
 
 This Chief of the C-mm-ns and That of 
 
 Had broken the mighty Leviathan's Pow'r, 
 After twenty long Years Oppofition and more : 
 Quite routed his Partizans all to a Man, 
 While each cry'd, the De'il take the hindmoft and ran ; 
 The Sceptre fubfided, and Sov'reign Command 
 For a Fortnight fufpended, at lc?.f!- ? thro' the Land. 
 The two heroic Chiefs fat dire#ing the Whole, 
 Yet mod'rate, howe'er, in the height of Controul. 
 
 B2 In
 
 [ 4 ] 
 
 In refpeclful Obedience to R-y-1 Requeft, 
 
 As loth with Pr-r-g-tive much to conteft, 
 
 And embroil all the Nation in Difcord and Jarrs, 
 
 Give Room for French Agents to raife Civil Wars, 
 
 And practice upon us at home, while abroad 
 
 The proud common Foe on fair Liberty trod, 
 
 The Ballance of Europe overturn, and but deem us 
 
 Only worthy the Favour of proud Poliphemxs. 
 
 Thefe Confiderations inducing, they err'd, 
 
 And fatally national Juftice deferr'd, 
 
 Receiv'd into Mercy, not only, but Place, 
 
 *Mong others, the Paym-JIer, Scribe, and the M~ *f t 
 
 Well faid the great Chief, when he heard it, and true. 
 
 Who retains in his Bofom an Adder Will rue, 
 
 So refus'd to concur in't, and greatly withdrew. 
 
 * 
 
 I 
 
 Prophetic he fpoke, for e'er long the Ingrates 
 Refolv'd into Faction, 2nd wrangling Debates : 
 Regardlefs of promis'd Submiffion in Station, 
 Their precarious Condition, and late Situation ; 
 Some dreading the Axe, and fome others the String, 
 
 Diftrefs'd both th' Affairs of the S te and the K g t 
 
 For whatc'er Propofal by Grant own was made, 
 For the Good of the Nation in War and in Trade, 
 Was ftrongly oppos'd, tho' oppos'd long in vain, 
 As his Sov'r n did e'er the Oppofition reftrain : 
 
 'Till
 
 [ 5 1 
 
 "Till the Statefman, indignant, to find 'em perfift, 
 And revolving the Confequence deep in his Breaft ; 
 How the Nation muft fufFer, himfelf be too vex'd, 
 And his Soy'r n by different crofs Counfels perplex'd : 
 With true Patriot Care, as good Sommers, fam'd Lord, 
 Did honeftly erft deal with W]l. m the Third, 
 He fincerely advis'd, for his Int'reft 'twas beft, 
 To let him 'withdraw, for a while at the leaft. 
 The Mon b, reluctant, complied with th' Advice, 
 As he hardly could e'er find a Statefman like This. 
 Prodigious his Talents and form'd for the Helm, 
 E'er ftudious to unite both the K g and the R Im, 
 An Enemy always profefs'd againft France, 
 Their Faith fo perfidious, and vain Complaifance. 
 
 Refigning, he gratified all their Defires, 
 Depriv'd of his Counfel, the K g follow'd theirs ; 
 Confufion enfu'd, wild Debate and Uproar, 
 Betwixt thofe who'd come /, and thofe in before : 
 Many Schemes were invented, but none could fucceed, 
 And many were call'd, tho' but few wou'd concede. 
 However BroadbottGjnry gain'd unawares, 
 That Monfter which ruin'd great Wll m's Affairs ; 
 Diftra&ed his Councils, obftrudled his Meafures, 
 And crarfipt, both at home and abroad, all his Meafures, 
 
 As
 
 [ 6 ] 
 
 As a firm Coalition could never yet be, 
 Since the lying and the Tory could never agree ; 
 And, if Right I the Figure of Prophecy cart, 
 Their future Behaviour you'll find like the paft ; 
 Miftruftful and jealous, they'll ftir up Debate, 
 And, to crofs one another, will ruin the S te. 
 
 But what moftly perplex'd 'em (as Prxfes, the fage, 
 With caution, dedin'd to expofe his old Age 
 To Conteft and FacYion) was, who (hou'd be PRIME, 
 'Till they wifely agreed to confer it on him, 
 XVhofe Head, upon Meafure, fhould longeft be found, 
 But the Mifchief on't was, they were all fhort and round. 
 Of equal Dimenfions, than deep rather fhallow, 
 So that neither could caft a Reproach on his Fellow. 
 Since therefore amongft them, it could not be faid, 
 There was fit for the Service one fmgle good Head v 
 They refolv'd ftill more wifely, to try if they cou'd, 
 By joining their Heads, the Deficience make good. 
 In the Counfel of many there is Safety we count, 
 And a Group offiort Heads to one Long may amount. 
 
 To vacate and fi.ll up the Places, of thofe 
 Whom they had, in their Wifdom, profcrib'd as their 
 Foes, 
 
 The 7
 
 [ 7l 
 
 They debated with Caution and Care, as they .knew 
 
 From the Error of Graniown their Politics true : 
 
 But firft importun'd, with unanimous Voice, 
 
 Since the Station of PRIME met not Prafes's Choice, 
 
 He'd vouchfafe, at the leaft, to aflift with his Care, 
 
 And, refuming th' old Office, relinquifh the Chair. 
 
 Tho' a Poft of great Honour, yet well might be fill'd* 
 
 By one in th' Affairs of the Public lefs fkill'd. 
 
 '* Your Ability call you to ferve, quo' his Gr fe, 
 
 " Where Experience is wanted, to wit, your old Place. 
 
 " None can abler the long-headed Grantown fuccecd, 
 
 " And only your Wifdom ca his fupercede." 
 
 His L-rdfhip with Honour and Bufmefs quite cloy'd, 
 
 Wou'd fain have remain'd in the Place he enjoyed. 
 
 Arriv'd as it were, fafe in Port from the Main, 
 
 Was loth to launch out into Hurry again ; 
 
 But howe'er, as with Faction he never took Part, 
 
 But had always his K g and his Country at Heart j 
 
 In Honour of thefe, he vouchfaf 'd to refume, 
 
 But look'd with Regret on the Poft he eame from. 
 
 Th' Aflembly broke up and adjourn 'd fop a Time, 
 And whifper'd about, that whoever wou'd trim 
 And comp to their Scheme, on the Broadbottom Plan* 
 Shou'd be wellcome, and all be preferred to a Man : 
 
 Provided
 
 [ 8 ] 
 
 Provided they would not obftruc! the Supply, 
 And join in their Meafures great John to decry. 
 The Defign took Erftft, lo ! the Creatures all cringe, 
 JBy Avarice prompted and Hopes of Revenge, 
 In the Sun-fhine of Promife they wantonly bafk'd. 
 And implicitly gave into all that was afk'd ; 
 They pafs'd the S-pp-ly, without one finglc Nay, 
 And fo loyal were all the good C-mm-ns that Day, 
 That had but fome M bcr the Motion promoted, 
 They'd as Ufelefc that poor Monofillable voted. 
 Nay the Sons of old Jacob themfelves, it is faid, 
 Were fo pleas'd with the Hopes of again making Head, 
 That they wrote to their Party, awhile to fufpcnd 
 Putting Bumpers about to their old Roman Friend, 
 -Until further Orders how each fliould comport, 
 And that /K f J . had once been again at the C -. 
 
 Tho' the two virtuous H fes obediently did 
 Whatever our mighty Triumvirate bid ; 
 
 Yet Matters went on ve*y ill at St. J 1 
 
 For his old faithful Servant the Great one exclaims. 
 Return me my Friend, my great Statefman, quo* he, 
 Who can equal his Skill ? not together you Three, 
 ScriboniuS) perhaps, you'll aver you can write, 
 Suppofe it be granted fay who will indite ?
 
 t 9 ] 
 
 'Tis not the prompt Hand, nor the Mind will fuffice, 
 Tis the Head that can counfel alone and devife. 
 I'll allow you may head, on Occafion, a Mob, 
 And fight, like old Zifka himfelf, with a Club ; 
 Drive Tories and Ormonitfs all down before ye, 
 And acquire with proud Bell of the Poft-Oifice Glory. 
 But fay ; can you ftem the proud Gaul and Bavar, 
 And fuftain, 'gainft theP -jjian perfidious, the War? 
 No, no, as but fit for domeftic Affairs, 
 Little Matters left Grantown alone to your Cares. 
 Mind therefore your Province, fupprefs the Sheep- 
 
 Stealers, 
 
 * Street-Robbers and Gamblers, and Journeymen Tay- 
 lors. 
 
 You Tkefaurus, may boaft your great Skill in Account 
 And the Manage of Payments : but when you have 
 
 don't, 
 
 Can you fill up the Coffers of St e with Supply, 
 Or, in Treaty, with foreign Ambafladors vie ? 
 Tho' you did very well, when old Bobb held the Wand, 
 And acled with Diligence under Command j 
 Yet to act and to think are quite difFrent, I deem, 
 Ways and Means are not eafy, tho' Scrape's in the 
 
 Scheme. 
 
 C And 
 
 * Vid. Several late Gazettes,
 
 And you with your Gold-tufted Gown and theM , 
 
 Your Tragedy Wig, and your Madam-like Face, 
 
 Preceded in Pomp by a Croud of mean Fellows, 
 
 Which you took from the Dirt, like **, as they tell us ; 
 
 From the proud aukward Bumpkin who carries theP fe, 
 
 To that fimple young Fellow, who hangs at your A . 
 
 Do you think that Bench-Learning and Prefident Prate 
 
 Can fufficiently qualify Men for the S te ? 
 
 Go, withdraw to your Office, and keep in that Sphere, 
 
 Or, perhaps, you may pay for your Forwardnefs dear. 
 
 Remember the Fate of your Patron ; when he, 
 
 Neglecting his Poft, fain a Statefman wou'd be 
 
 His Vices and Views and his ill-gotten Store, 
 
 His defrauding of Orphans and grinding the Poor, 
 
 Had paft unexamin'd, and Perquifites deem'd, 
 
 Had he kept to his Lajle and ne'er aim'd to have climb'd. 
 
 Have you carried your Cup then fo even d'ye think, 
 
 As ne'er to have fpill'd one Drop of good Drink? 
 
 If fo : Yet remember that mine are the S Is, 
 
 Lo ! R d r makes Intereft, and ready is W s. 
 
 The Triumvirate yet, notwithstanding this Check, 
 Refolv'd to go on and digeft the Rump Steak. 
 What tho' at the Threftiold a little, they tript ? 
 Pray why fhou'd they fear ? they're too big to be whipt. 
 
 What
 
 [ II ] 
 
 What tho' they're forfook by their K g and by Heav'n, 
 
 Recourfe to the Devil may make Matters even. 
 
 A good Scripture Text, for the Purpofe, they quoted, 
 
 I think it was fomewhere in Samuel noted ; 
 
 How without the Affiftance of Lightning and Thunder, 
 
 As now does our Faujius^ the good Witch of Endor^ 
 
 Did without the leaft Noife, fave alone her own Squall, 
 
 Raife the Prophet, or Devil, or both up to Saul, 
 
 But a-pox on the Spoak that's got into the Wheel } 
 Not one fmgle Conj'rer to talk with the De'il, 
 Can they find in their Party ; no, not even one ! 
 For the Conjurers all are engag'd with great John. 
 Well-a-day and a-lack ! muft the Projed be foil'd, 
 And their Porridge, for want of a Conjurer, fpoil'd ? 
 What then's to be done ? all their Counfels run va- 
 rious, 
 'Till united at laft by the great C-nc-ll-rius . 
 
 A Conjurer's Sphere, under Favour I fpeak it, 
 I'n't fo difficult fure, but we may undertake it. 
 With humble Subjmjfion, quo' he, my Compeers 
 We can make up, among us, a Conjurer's Geers. 
 Lo ! I've a long Robe, as all Conjurers have, 
 And your Honour a Wand, and your G ce can engrave 
 C 2 Black
 
 Black illegible Characters, fcratch'd like your Title, 
 
 And all muft allow you can fcribble a little. 
 
 Behold ! then a Conjurer's Enfigns compleat ? 
 
 And now for a Head to go thro' with the Feat. 
 
 If better than one, are two Heads, you'll allow 
 
 That three muft of Courfe be yet better than two. 
 
 Join we then Pericrania, fo fep'rately fcm'd, 
 
 And if we don't conjure, by G d I'll be damn'd. 
 
 Pleafe God ! we (hall foon, with th' Affiftance of thefe, 
 
 Raife the Devil in propr'ia Perfona with Eafe. 
 
 So a Circle he ftruck with the Wand on the Floor, 
 
 And thus he incanted Hell's Sovereign Pow'r. 
 
 *' Oh ! Thou who prefid'ft o'er the Caverns below, 
 
 " Where Nitre and Brimftone in livid Flames glow ; 
 
 " Where Statefmen, Phyficians, and Lawyers abide, 
 
 * c And Placemen for voting, and Bifhops befide ! 
 
 ' Sole Difpofer of Riches, Preferment and Gain, 
 
 " And Garters and Honours and Pleafure and Pain. 
 
 ** By whom as Triumvirates , here we command, 
 
 And hold thefe Jnfigna ; Mt t SIs, and the W d; 
 
 " Attend in this perilous Time and affift, 
 
 '* In forming a folid, good Brcadbottom Lift." 
 
 Not long had they pray'd, as the courteous poor Devil, 
 Is to Votaries ever obliging and civil i 
 
 Keeps
 
 Keeps none in Sufpence, Jike his Honour or Grace, 
 When they cringe at the Levy for Penfion or Place. 
 Strait a Rumbling was hear'd and the Floor open'd wide, 
 Like the Stage in the Playhoufe for Ghofts in to glide. 
 The Triumvirates trembling, were ftiock'd at the Sight! 
 
 All their Hair flood an end ! and up popp'd a Sprite. 
 
 A Coronet Ducal furrounded his Head, 
 On a Wand he fupported a Body well fed ; 
 Thefaurus look'd pale and conceiv'd that fome L d 
 Wou'd engrofs to himfelf all the Tr f y Board : 
 But was foon undeceiv'd, fince the grave folemn T/g-, 
 Bounc'd, dropping the Wand, to the Chair with a 
 
 Fling. 
 
 Lo ! it faid, or at leaft the Thing feem'd to have faid : 
 " The Decree of the Power, to whom you have pray'd, 
 " Who lives in the Country a: K - unbelov'd, 
 " Yet by truckling at C 1 has been long there ap- 
 
 prov'd : 
 " Who among Country Neighbours erets up a Port, 
 
 ' Yet can ftoop to the C te/s's Servants at C 1, 
 
 " Is kick'd, from a Poft of more Profit, up Stairs, 
 " Supremely to nodd in the Chair of all Chairs." 
 
 Then follow'd a Coronet equal in Size, 
 Of equal Importance and equally wife j 
 
 With
 
 [ '4 ] 
 
 With unducal Submiflion he took up the Wand, 
 Bow'd low and march'd on with the Bawble in Hand. 
 Took his Place next the Firil, and then faid, my 
 
 " good Friends, 
 
 ct Your Servant concurs -in your politick Ends. 
 " Juft arriv'd from my-G aver ninfpf o'er the poor Bog^ 
 ** Where I reign'd, without Pow'rj- like a kind of King 
 
 " Logg; 
 
 " E'en without the poor Privilege, hardly to give 
 " A Place in my Kitchen to any alive. 
 " In minutcft AfFairs, I was tied to Account 
 * 4 With Leviathan Bobb j mighty Lord Paramount ! 
 cc That thus was the Cafe, you will promptly agree, "1 
 " As yourfelvcs were accountable alfo, like me ; \ 
 ** Old Satan rejoices and greets you all Three. J 
 
 Next appear'd in anjnflant direct thro' the Door, 
 And not from the De'il thro' the Hole in the Floor, 
 A Form pretty much on the mort and rotund, 
 By many much prais'd, and by others much d nn'd. 
 On his Right appear'd Wit, very fprightly and gay ; 
 Good Senfe on his Left fhone as bright as the Day. 
 In the Converfe of thefe he alternately fhone, 
 And at laft found the Secret to join them in one. 
 Sound Wifdom and Judgment attended aloof, 
 And waited his Nodding fome little Way off. 
 
 But
 
 [ 'S'fl 
 
 But feldem of either of thefe he made Ufe, 
 Except now and then in Debate at the H-itfe. 
 Behind him the Mufes fwept all in a Train, 
 lilumin'd his Mind and intun'd his foftVein. 
 While Glory difplay'd round his Head in a Blaze, 
 And Honour broke forth on his Bofom in Rays. 
 With ev'ry great Quality happily bleft, 
 Like th' affable P g it, great Genius ! deceaft. 
 Ah ! P g ft, by Arts and the Sciences mourn'd, 
 Deplor'd by the Mufes he lov'd and the Learn'd : 
 Lefs noble by Birth than by Talents well known, 
 And, perhaps, by Phil Nobtlis equdll'd alone. 
 DH'dainfully coy, look'd our Wit on the Three, 
 And faid, prithee Mejfteurs, your Pteafure with me ? 
 'Tis to give you whatever you pleafe, anfwered They, 
 
 Soyou quit for the State your great Paffion for 
 
 In the one you excel and go thro' without Trouble. 
 
 In to'ther you labour to fhew you're a Bubble. 
 
 *' As the Legacy left (replied he) is near gone, 
 
 " A Rifque of refunding I hardly can run j 
 
 " 'Twas meant to diftrefs, whom the Donor call'd 
 
 K s, 
 
 " But 'to fall in with F s me at Liberty leaves. 
 
 " If to ferve I voachfafe, it's for State and Parade, 
 " Not for Lucre and Gain as of late was your Trade. 
 2 " Viceroy
 
 I i* 3 
 
 " Viceroy over Bogland, with plentiful Pcw'rs, 
 
 '* And fubjecl alone to my K r s, and not yours, 
 
 " With Difpofal of Place, alone is my Choice, 
 
 ** And that Trade and Land-Intereft be made to re- 
 
 " joice." 
 
 Be it fo, quo' the Three, fo you think not too much 
 To haften to H-ll-nd to bring in the D cb. 
 
 Soon after him rifes the Shade of old G- 
 " I'm doom'd to the Office, quo' he, I'd before. 
 " 'Tis true I refign'd, but it was in a Pet, 
 " The rafh foolifli Adion I ftill do regret. 
 * c Yon Cejlrlan muft inftantly quit and make room, -\ 
 
 * Lo ! H-n-v-r G r, now returns to his Home, / 
 
 * With a D ke in his Hand, fine and gay like a J 
 
 Plume." J 
 
 He hardly had finifli'd, e're Ceftrius came in, 
 His Countenance comely and placid his Mien, 
 Tho' fullied a little, by nightly Debauch, 
 Bad Hours, and bad Comp'ny, and drinking too much ; 
 An Averfion t'infped his domeftic Affairs, 
 While yet for the Public's remark'd for his Cares. 
 E'er bounteoufly lib'ral, in giving away, 
 But confoundedly flow or to thrive or to P- 1 ". 
 
 Nc-
 
 [ '7 ] 
 
 Neglectful th' Infigna of Office he held, 
 
 And with Gentlenefs on his Competitor fmil'd. 
 
 G r fnutm'd them away, and, with fatisfied Looks, 
 
 Exultingl y plac'd himfelf 'twixt the two D j. 
 
 While Cejtrius declar'd " I refign them with Eafe, 
 
 " Since the Clerks fink the Perquifites all and the Fees: 
 
 " And the more, as I find, 'tis his M-j y's Pkafure 
 
 " T' appoint me in Bogland^ VICE o'er his Treafure. 
 
 " As he whofe Oeconomy's bad o'er his own, 
 
 " May manage, by Paradox, beft for the C -n, 
 
 ' Quo' NIXON, our Families feer on Record; 
 
 " And facred is Nixon's prophetical Word. 
 
 " As Both Fate and my Sov'reign declare on my Side, 
 
 " I infift on Compliance, in fpite of your Pride." 
 
 To the K , anfwer'd they, we're Obedient and Civil, 
 
 Tho' here we acknowledge no Pow'r but theD-rJ. 
 
 Next bolts up a Coronet, dapper and fhort, 
 'Twas Ducal, with Tory infcrib'd on his Heart. 
 Spite of former Engagements, Refolves and great Coft, 
 He comes from the Devil to accept of a Poft. 
 Tho' once, quo' the Shade, (as indeed 'twas no more) 
 " In the Days of my Folly, fometime, heretofore, 
 At the gay, Duke of Mlbk, difdainful, I laught, 
 <c For fuffering himfelf to be taken by Craft : 
 
 D Y ct
 
 <c Yet now I'm convinc'd, there are few can refill, 
 " The Charms of C t Favour, fo properly preft. 
 " Notwithftanding my vaft and unbounded Eftate, 
 ' Which well with Revenues of Princes may mate, 
 " A refiftlefs Propenfion impels me to crouch 
 " At C t for a Poft, and fome Thoufands to touch. 
 " As, howe'er, to a Point, it is known I am ftub- 
 
 " born, 
 
 " You have heard of my naval Affairs down at W 
 " Crofs that vaft Sea-Canal, I've fuccefsfully fail'd, 
 ** And yet was I never once Shipwreck'd or fail'd. 
 " The Structure of Shipping I well underftand, 
 
 < c And how to give Orders to fail o'er the Land. 
 
 " Oft I've been in great Battles, altho' but in Mock, 
 ** And bravely bore up 'gainft the Danger and Shock ; 
 
 " The huge double E 1, who fits as firft L d, 
 
 And leads all the reft by the Nofe at the B d. 
 
 ** Muft yield in Experience to me, all allow, 
 
 * As a D is more fldll'd than an E 1 you know; 
 
 Notwithftanding the two Chryftal Wheels, which 5n- 
 
 " clofe, 
 
 With monftrous Circumf'rence, theTip of his Nofe; 
 <* And that on Twelfth Night, by his Legerdemain, 
 *' He may ftrip us new C tiers perhaps, of our 
 
 Gain, 
 
 Well
 
 { 19 I 
 
 Well ken we your Meaning (quo' the THREE) my Lord 
 
 D -, 
 
 A Grantonite he ! and contemns our Rebuke. 
 He, and all his Aflbciates, we'll foon fet afide, 
 Save one, who fhall ftand new C-m-ffi rs to guide. 
 Your Gr fhall fit Chief, and a Seaman the laft, "1 
 With four noble L ds, and a Counfellor vaft ! I 
 
 He approving withdrew, bowing low as he paft. J 
 
 The reft of the B d, in a Group did advance, 
 Up aloft thro' the Chafm, as tho' 'twere at once. 
 One put up as Grandfon to Neptune his Claim, 
 Whofe Knowledge deriv'd down to him with the Name : 
 And 'tis hard, if a noble Defcendant fhould fail 
 In his Anceftors Art, of the Rudder and Sail. 
 Another fupported his Title, as he 
 Had fail'd once to Myland over the Sea. 
 What tho' he's built Ships, which the Winds can ne'er 
 
 move, 
 
 Yet that is no Reafon but he may improve. 
 A Fourth for a Seat at the B d muft prevail, 
 By Female Pretenfions, as fome fay, in Tail. 
 A Fifth urg'd moft ftrongly he'd been in there before, 
 
 And was Son to a D , who was Son of a . 
 
 The Sixth 9 tho' he owned he knew little of Tar, 
 Yet faid, he cou'd plead for the B d at the Barj 
 
 D 2 For
 
 ( 20 T 
 
 For the reft he referred them to C-bb-?n, not loth 
 To clench, on Occafion, his Tale with an Oath. 
 The Seventh's Pretenfions were ample and ftrong ; 
 He had tied up the Univerfe round in a Thong. 
 What tho' his whole Squadron of Ships he had loft, 
 Save one he brought, foundering, home to our Coaft. 
 Yet he did his own Bus'nefs, you'll fay, very well ; 
 Yea, and that at the Nation's Expence, I can tell. 
 
 They hardly had taken their Places around, 
 But Aron Dell flounc'd thro' the Hole in the Ground ; 
 With Parvulus Tonns clofe following in hafte, 
 As tho' not well pleas'd that he mounted up laft. 
 But, blefs me ! how lank, how meagre, and (trait ? 
 Run up, like bad Weeds, to a wonderful Height. 
 Juft like Little Tony's long Portrait in Print ! 
 Soon the Firft, as the M after, was known of the 
 
 M /; 
 
 A kind of a Steward to Turnpikes e'er that, 
 
 Well plaid he his Cards 'mong the great ones of State $ 
 
 And yet not fo wond'roufly well, as he chanc'd 
 
 To get by the Dint of mere Wedlock advanc'd. 
 
 Know you not, who 'twas married the one and who 
 
 /V/W, 
 
 And who in the Law, is by Conference, Brother ? ' 
 
 As
 
 As 'tis faid, that by Kifling goes Favour at C 1, 
 
 They're diftinguifh'd of Courfe, who with Sifters con- 
 fort. 
 
 Thus Pentateuc A-ron, with M-fe s of old, 
 Shar'd, as Brother in Law, both in Places and Gold. 
 Quo' Tonus, for he cou'd beft fpeak as a Poet, 
 And that he's no had one our fair ones allow it. 
 " Lo ! before you a Brace of good T f- y Lords, 
 " For fo it is written below in Records. 
 " In the room of old G Lfu and C pt n we come, 
 " Who' beneath your Triumvirate Pleafure fuccumb. 
 " A Pair of known Grantonites" Be't fo, quo' the 
 
 Three, 
 We all very chearfully fign the Decree. 
 
 Who happily had to Paternals of late, 
 Got added a lucrative Name and Eftate. 
 Don Gorgo Bubb Dodo, creeping up, on all Fours, 
 With Care and with Caution the Trap-Hole explores. 
 " A Poet, quo' he, long diflinguifh'd by Fame, 
 " And known by all critical Judges, I am. 
 " The Praifes of many I've fung heretofore, 
 "And among them, pox on't, of Sir Bob in his 
 
 " Pow'r. 
 
 " Very great is the Largefs I'd give to fupprefs 
 " Thofe Verfes, of which I'm afham'd I confefs. 
 
 2 "They're
 
 [ 1 
 
 < They're flat in my Teeth contradicting each Word, 
 
 ** In my Speeches made fince, as thofe Speeches record. 
 
 * c To praife firft inVerfe, then abufe him in Profe, 
 
 <c Does rather my own, than his Wealcnefs expofe. 
 
 * Great Temple did wifely to burn what he'd writ 
 
 " In Arlington's Praife, when he found he was bit. 
 
 ** But a Candidate now I appear to your G e, 
 
 *' And both your Compeers, for the Tr f r's Place. 
 
 <* The Baronet that I may get in muft refign, 
 
 ** Old Nick has declar'd in the Shades it is mine,' 
 
 And fodo we here (quo' the Three) make it thine. 
 
 *: 1 
 
 mine," > 
 : thine. J 
 
 The high-favour'd IVallo^ blind Fortune's bright Son, 
 Who forever commemorates the Year 'Twenty-one. 
 Great Patron in Broadbottom Writing's Behalf, 
 By Bum-FIogger G-tb y, and Gazetteer 72 />, 
 Succeeds in the Hole, and as Candidate (rands, 
 
 For the C /" r's Place 'gainft the Patrio Lord . 
 
 Said, the Council infernal, declar'd it was his, 
 "With the Perquifites all and the Poundage and Fees. 
 " Tho', quo* he, it requires neither Talents nor Skill, 
 ** And that even Dunces the Station may fill ; 
 
 ** As 'tis plain, if we meafure, by Deputy d, 
 
 " Who muft pack up his Awls, and march off with 
 
 his Lord.
 
 ** Yet I, by Misfortune and Accident, am 
 
 " Better qualified for it than all you can namfe. 
 
 The K g's Civil Lift, as of late (rands the Cafe, 
 
 " You know's in Arrear, about two Years (pace. 
 
 " The Houfhold grow clam'rous for Pay and uneaJj, 
 
 * c And even the Judges, for Salary, teafe ye. 
 
 " This Noife, and this Clamour can ne'er reach my., 
 
 " Ear, 
 
 * Ti'n't proper the C-ffr always Ihould hear.' 
 Quo' the Triumvirs right, your Pretenfions are clear.. 
 
 Lo ! afcends from the Cavity, loud in a Storm, 
 A truly original Broadbottom Form. 
 A Broadbottom Subftance all over, I vow, "1 
 
 Heads, Shoulders, and Arms, and, as all will allow > 
 In th'Extent of the Word, Broadbottom' d below. J 
 'Twas thence, firft the Term had the Honour to come, 
 Broadbottomry rprung from our Baronet's Bum : 
 A diftinguiming Chara&eriftic for Mirth, 
 O ! ye Knights of the Bum y kifs the Place of your Birth. 
 I'm come, quo* the Bulk, up from Tartarus here, 
 *< To acquaint the Triumvirate how they muft (leer. 
 The De'il gives his Service, his Love, and all 
 " And wiflbes a joyful new Year to the State,
 
 " In Council fits round him the 'Jacobite Clan, 
 
 From the firft of K J es to the laft of Queen 
 
 " ^ . 
 
 " There, after Debate, 'tis decreed for your Safety, 
 " ('Gainft the Grantonites other Relief is not left ye) 
 * To take in the T ys, to Favour and Grace, 
 " And that I be immediately put into Place, 
 " With three or four more; and fo on, by Degrees, 
 " 'Till to Power and Council Friend If- tk n you 
 
 " fqueeze. 
 
 " But as you may think me, perhaps, fuch a Fool, 
 " To tell my own Party fome Tales out of School, 
 " I afk not, at prefent, a Poft in the State, 
 " Tho' a Lord at the B d I was nam'd for of late 
 " I cou'd like very well ; but clear as the Amber 
 (C Is my Right to prefide o'er the Cafti in the Chamber. 
 "-Nor has Somebody Caufe at my Sight to be fcar'd, 
 * c As once in the Gardens at Richmond it far'd. 
 " Far be it from me to have ailed fo bafe, 
 
 I'm the quieteft Thing in the World in a Place." 
 
 E'er bleft (quo' the Three] be Hell's great anointed. 
 Who fuch great Politicians has wifely appointed ! 
 And that our Intrigues he efpoufes fo hearty, 
 To fcreen us from Long-headed John and his Party. 
 Whom, at Court, and in Country, the People efteem 
 As one who can puzzle the De'il at a Scheme. 
 
 But,
 
 But, Heaven be prais'd, the good Devil we find, 
 Is too many for John when fupported by H de. 
 He crouch'd moft refpectfully low, as well pleas'd 
 To be thus by the mighty Triumvirate prais'd. 
 
 Lord Hob over heard, as he near was at hand, 
 And moft righteoufly rofe to oppofe the Demand. 
 " Since it's come to that pafs (quo' he) that you take- 
 
 " up, 
 
 " Againft all the pure ones, with th' old Sons ofjacot, 
 To the Mob I will call, like my Sire (holy Lubbard) 
 rou, who Jland by Cht J-f-r, cry H--B--T an 
 
 " H--B-T ! 
 
 " But let him, howe'er have the Place, you are rapt-in, 
 " Provided that I be made Battle-Ax Captain. 
 < Each Gentleman P-nf--ner's Place I can fell 
 
 For Eight Hundred Pounds 1 the Diff'rence can 
 
 " tell." 
 
 When fuddenly up from the Hole came a Groari 
 
 As tho' 'twas L-d B J. In Spite I'm undone, 
 
 " Of the R-y-al Command j" yet appear'd not his 
 
 Ghoft 
 So that ev'ry one gave him quite over for loft. 
 
 A loud Halloo follow'd, as tho' 'twou'd deprive ye, 
 Of your Ears and your hearing of Tontara, Teivy 
 
 E Hoa!
 
 Hoa ! Ringwood and Jowhr and Ranter and NoXy 
 As if that old Nick was in Chace of a Fox. 
 Not fo : but the new common-Hunt of the C t, 
 Was ftealing from J-n-f-n all his Support ; 
 Hallooing the B k Hounds away from his Care, 
 And leave in their Room but a Rope and Defpair. 
 Oh Fie ! that a P r, in whom Learning abounds, 
 Should prefide over the Kennel, and run with the Hounds. 
 
 Will Prattle rofe next* deriv'd from th' old Boa'fon, 
 (Who an Indian did firft of a Diamond cozen ; 
 Next the Fa&ory plunder'd and afterwards ran) 
 With his Limbs very weak and his Face very wan. 
 He {aid, tho' for Places he did not much care, 
 Yet, if he got well, he'd be Clerk of the War, 
 So he found it confiftent to accept of a Place, 
 With the large Patriot Legacy left by her G cc. 
 And that they confented to make Matters even, 
 By reducing to Three the odd Number of Seven : 
 For who cou'd a Prattler more aptly fucceed 
 Than he, who can prattle fo well in his Stead ? 
 Whereupon cry'd the Oeconomift Redjlring^ if fo, 
 I or to the Marjhal or Warden muft go. 
 
 Then the famous Convention Negociator, K , 
 A fliopkeeping Ald-rm-n's Son down at Lynn ; 
 
 Erft
 
 [ 27 ] 
 
 Erft a Bobbite y but fmce, a true P Ih ite grown, 
 
 (For the Bobbs and Pells, now 'tis faid, are not one,) 
 
 Rears up thro' the Gap, in original Dung, 
 
 Kicking Paym-r-r H -p r before him along. 
 
 " This Man, who, as Lawyer, a R-gue is of courfe, 
 
 *' And yet, as a S t C-m ^-man, worfe ;" 
 
 (Quo* the DON,) " as Deferter I'm order'd to chafe, 
 
 " With a few decent Kicks, from his ill-gotten Place : 
 
 " And fo to fucceed him myfelf ; as anon 
 
 " I muft vacate my Place, to make Room for Sir] N. 
 
 '< That Place, which with M ber for /^-y? w, I 
 
 " got, 
 
 " At th' Expence of the Nation, to make up a V-te, 
 " And for wifely convent ioning Differences up ; 
 " Tho' the Grantonites faid I deferv'd but a Rope." 
 
 The Knight no, the Barr'net, of Britifli Race 
 
 reckon'd, 
 
 That expell'd the old Flemings of HENRY the Second, 
 Like the De'il his old Friend, when he follow'd the Bar, 
 Is near when he's nam'd, or at leaft is not far. 
 Yet diff'ring in all other Qualities wide, 
 For his Sire was a Methodijl Saint -without Pride. 
 Both himfelf and Jack Pt, (I mean P--t the rich, 
 They're fo many, one hardly can tell, which is which) 
 E ? Shot
 
 [ 28 ] 
 
 Shot lovingly up from the Depth of the Hole 
 Pinn'd together like Poppets, by Cheek and by Jowl, 
 Declar'd, howe'er large their Pofleflions and clear, 
 They cou'd yet, thro' Government's Tboufand a Tear, 
 Diftinguifh Things clearer : and therefore were made, 
 On the Broadbottom Footing, C-mm-flT rs of Trade. 
 
 Soon after fteps up to the Floor, with a Strut 
 A Duelift, known by the Name of JVill Smutt. 
 In Purfuit of a Creature, ycleapt a Buffoon ! 
 Good Sirs ! how it chattered, and jok'd on a Pun ! 
 But howe'er that may be ; with a brandifhing Sworel 
 Our Hero had like thro' its Guts to have bor'd ; 
 E'er well from fupporting its Breeches it cou'd, 
 Its Hands difengage in Defence of its Bloud. 
 Will reverendly bow'd when he faw the great Tfjree 
 And faid, a good Place is appointed for me. 
 Friend Satan this Moment has giv'n me the Hint 
 I'm call'd to fucceed to the Chief of the M /. 
 
 After fhort Intermifljon, a North Country Sprite, 
 Starts up in a Rage, from the Dark into Sight. 
 Th' ilk Devil, quo' he, curfe o' G d on his Soil, 
 Ha nae notic'd one Scot for a Place on his Scroll. 
 Ife therefore appeal to you Three 'gainft his Spleen, 
 And infift to be fome way or other let in j 
 
 As
 
 As my Merit is proven ye can nae refufe, 
 
 Or I'll vote with my Confcience next Time in th 
 
 Hoofe. 
 
 Ken you nae I'm a Dealer in Speech-making Words ? 
 And can whiten and black as Occafion affords. 
 This Neglect of the Scots is a Breach of Union, 
 As may'nt be foon cur'd in my humble Opinion : 
 Ife therefore with gude lang-tail'd Speeches will brave-* 
 
 A n you don't put me foon at the Board of the N y. r" 
 Quo' the Triumvirs, take it, fo among us we have ye, 3 
 
 ************ Defunt muha 
 
 E'er the Candidates hardly were put in their Traces, 
 And reciprocal Compliments made on their Places. 
 A Crack of loud Thunder burft over the Room, 
 As tho' that in Earned the Devil was come. 
 Howe'er 'twas not fo : and yet almoft as bad, 
 Dur Triumvirs ne'er a worfe Sight cou'd have had, 
 For the Ceiling, lo ! opens, and Grantown drops 
 
 down, 
 
 With a Smile on his Countenance, mixt with a Frown j 
 A triple crown'd Hero fupported his Right, 
 On the Left fhone Britannia, triumphantly bright. 
 
 Our
 
 '} 
 
 :M;j 
 
 Our Triumvirs fcar'd, march 'd off in great Hafte, 
 Difmounted, unjiajf'd, unfeal'd, and unma 
 While Grantown turn'd out all the reft and difplac'd 
 
 Reftor'd to his K g the Pre ve Sword, 
 
 And fecur'd to the People their ancient Record ; 
 Replac'd all his Friends, and flood firm likeaTow'r,"! 
 Defending Britannia from abfolute Pow'r, > 
 
 In Honour, in Glory, in Peace and in Store. J 
 
 THE
 
 THE 
 
 PORCUPINADE, 
 
 A very POETICAL 
 
 P O E M. 
 
 To which is prefixed, 
 
 A COPY of fmooth commendatory 
 RHYMES to the AUTHOR, 
 
 FROM 
 
 PORCUPINUS PELAG1US, 
 
 Author of theTaiuMViRADE. 
 
 Aut infanit homo, aut verfus facit. HoR. 
 
 Thus eachfhould down with all he thinks; PRIOR. 
 And all he thinks not. ANON. 
 
 By QUIDNUNCCIUS PROFUNDUS*

 
 T O T H E 
 
 AUTHOR, 
 
 On his Unanfwerable 
 
 i p o E M. 
 
 HOEVER tbou art, or whoever 
 
 Whether you take my Part, or if you 
 
 take my Part not, 
 I care not five Farthings ; nay, without a Fee 
 That rmjuji fa your Merit, you'll fpeedily fee. 
 
 F Tour
 
 [ 34 ] 
 
 Your Lays are fo highly fublime and or actions, 
 While all from the Fetters of Rhyme you unjhackle us, 
 That, beneath your ^Enigmas, but give me your Hand 
 
 down, 
 Nought's meant againft G le, I'll bring you to 
 
 Grantown : 
 
 He admires your fine Poets, a noted Maecenas, 
 When he meets. Sir, like yours, with a * fmgular 
 
 Genius: 
 
 And reafonsy0 plainly the Nation may fee, 
 To be potent and great, at the leaft they muft be, 
 With firm Refolution, and perfeft Accord, 
 As virtuous, and fiber, and kind as my Lord. 
 'Tis late in the Wane of the Moon you may fay, 
 If you are 0Swifs Poet, eulighterfd by Pay: 
 But remark a prophetic and politic Pen, 
 Strange Things have occurred, and may happen a gen. 
 
 By 
 
 * Query, whether Pelagius intended this, and indeed the 
 whole, ferioufly or ironically ?
 
 [ 35 ] 
 
 By your Stile you foould be fame afpiring young Lad-, 
 Fourfcore's an old Laureat and Odes muft be bad: 
 there's Sack in the Cafe, I might fay in the Butt ; 
 More of that tete a tete now a fre/h Cafe to put. 
 Suppofe, while Affairs are removing and moving, 
 For our Splendour hereafter, and prefent improving, 
 We commute^ change and barter, fay, fpeak and re- 
 hear fe ; 
 
 /, political Letlures ; you, Letlures in Verfe : 
 Whence we both may adorn the Republick of Letters; 
 And a Word in your Ear be of ufe to our Betters. 
 Tour Method entirely your own I ejleem, 
 And your Meaning lies deep ; tho* to fome it may feem 
 Neither this, that, nor fother, Rhyme, Reafon, nor 
 
 Law, 
 
 But a File for thofe Serpents the Critics to gnaw. 
 Yoitll obferve by my Plan, in high Secrets Tm deep ; 
 And what Secrets you have Til befwornyou can keep. 
 F i
 
 fben as to my Writings^ 'tis plain, they mttfl take 
 
 well 
 
 From the many Editions , as well as the Sequel. 
 3c tts needle/s to add let * one In? reft combine us , 
 PE LAG i us won't rhyme , but your Pig 
 
 PORCUPINUS, 
 
 * Qterj, If the learned Porcnpinus means by this, that we 
 fhould divide the contingent Reverfion of the Laurel, and 
 become Twin-Laureats, as Beaumont and Fletcher wereTwin- 
 JMaywrights. This may not be improbable, if we confider, 
 that the modern Poets are not more remarkable for their 
 Candour and Difintereftednefs than the Phyficians. It feems 
 at leaft, that he has an Eye on a Moiety of the Sack, by his 
 political Hint of the other Bottle above, Line 22. More of 
 this (i. e. Sack) fete a fete.
 
 Pbcebus, Phxbus. whether now em- 
 
 ploy'd 
 r ' 
 
 Amidft the tuneful Nine near P/WwJ 
 
 Shades 
 Parnajju? Top, or clear Caflalian 
 
 Stream j 
 
 Or haply if the lofty Towers of Grub-Jlreet^ 
 Eafy Defcent for Gods, delight thee more ; 
 Whence no grofs Fumes of indigefted Meat 
 Load the thin Air, or foul the pure ferene 
 Thy meagre Vot'ries breath j but grateful Steam 
 Of vegetable Food, thy Laurel green 
 Apt Vehicle for Verfe, alike regale 
 Thy lofty Sons, and their Dominions wide 
 Extended thro' th' immeafurable Void. 
 Here may 'ft Thou deign to dwell, for here the pale 
 Inhabitant nor hides th' afpiring Walls 
 
 With
 
 With curious Tapeury's inwoven Tale *,. 
 Expenfive Ornament, at Arras wrought, 
 Bruges, or Ghent, in Flandria's fruitful Fields : 
 Nor fpreads, magnificent, the glitt'ring Hide, 
 Turgent with Figures emulous of Gold : 
 But fpeaking Walls, o'ercaft with living Verfe, 
 Resplendent breath the Sentiment elate, 
 The apt Conceit, and worthy Maze of Wit j 
 And rifmg Heroes ftalk the nightly Scene, 
 
 Man- 
 
 * The great Rbendelttius differs a little from our Author 
 in Bis Defcription of thefe Manfions ; fee the following Quo- 
 tation, by which it plainly appears that fome of them were 
 
 really decorated with TapeJIry. 1 have tranflated it from 
 
 the Folio Edition, printed at Conjlantinoph by Typhus : The 
 critical Reader will find the original Paflage in Vol. 3-. 
 
 Fag. 9^3. 
 
 SCRIBLERUS ILLUSTRATUS. 
 
 i Exalted high 
 
 In Garret vile he lives ; with Remnants hung 
 Of Tapcjiry : But ah ! precarious State 
 Of this vain tranfient World ! all powerful Time ! 
 What doft thou not fubdue ? fee what a Chafm 
 Gapes wide, tremendous ! fee where Saul enraged, 
 High on his Throne, encompafs'd by his Guards, 
 With levell'd Spear and Arm extended fits, 
 Ready to pierce old Jeffe's valiant Son, 
 Spoiled of his Nofe !
 
 [ 39 1 
 
 Manfion of Demi-Gods, 'twixt Earth and Sky, 
 In Fame recording Charcoal ; not the fame 
 Devis'd by mortal Wight, whence Fire exerts 
 Its fierceft Rage and grinds the pond'rous Ore 
 To fccrching Flames a glitt'ring Flood of Mifchief I 
 But fuch as whilom thy own Beams calcin'd, 
 Thy felf howe'er relu<Sr,ant-*-when rafh Phaeton^ 
 Unequal Youth, in evil Hour eflay'd 
 The flaming Car, and whirl'd by rapid Steeds, 
 Thro' pathlefs Air, beyond the Mean affign'd, 
 Firft thaw'd th' eternal Mounts of rocky Ice 
 Beneath the frofty Pole ; fcorch'd Libia mourn'd 
 The needlefs Fire, and Latium's flow'ryPlaiu 
 Became an arid Wafte^hard iri its Tubes 
 Dry'd human Life, and thro' the Foreft wide 
 Th' accended Heat devour'd the leafy Race, 
 Nor fpar'd thy Daphne ; whether near the Pa 
 She view'd her Charms ; for ftill the Maid, a Tree, 
 Explores the glafly Stream, or, near the Se!n t 
 Delighted fertile Ga/lia's fprightly Sons. 
 But what Excurfions breathlefs do I make 
 Hunting this Charcoal, tho' immortal Coal 
 Or Ink my Theme demands But what's my Theme, 
 "Cynthia or Conqueft, Caucafus or Court-nights, 
 Or all, or none avaunt I foar above ye i 
 
 2 Snb-
 
 [ 40 ] 
 
 Sublimity mall own her aching Sight * 
 Unable to purfue me j when I dive 
 Beyond a Comet's Speed, and hifs with Motion, 
 I'll teach Profundity herfelf her Shallownefs4 
 
 HOMER and Pindar were exalted Bards, 
 Originals for me ! rot Imitators. 
 I hate them and forbid them I'm an Extafy ; 
 Others have dreamt about them wondrous TranfportS 
 Mine fure muft give my Readers ; they're as catching 
 f At leaft as Tears my Service to your Horace j 
 
 You 
 
 * In like manner writcth the learned Parallellius, B. 63. 
 which is thus rendered into our Tongue, by the llluftriout 
 ScriUenu* 
 
 Rapt in Thought 
 
 Fancy prefents before his ravtth'd Eyes 
 
 Diilant Pofterity, upon his Page 
 
 With Tranfport dwelling ; while bright Learning's Sons 
 
 That Ages hence muft tread this earthly Ball, 
 
 Indignant feem to curfe the thanklefs Age, 
 
 That ftarv'd fuch Merit. 
 
 N. B. The learned Critic will undoubtedly perceive, that 
 this Note is inferted purely for the fake of clearing up 
 the Text. W. IF. 
 
 j- Si *vis mefiert doltndum 
 
 Primum ipfi tibi HOR, ART. POETIC,
 
 [ 41 1 
 
 You bid me profit too but dear Venufian, 
 What Jntercourfe has Poetry with Profit ? 
 A'lesanaiifm's defundl, tho' deathlefs Pope, 
 With loud Applaufe has left, and tuneful Care, 
 What nearly might fet up a middling Draper. 
 No Draper like the Dean, who wrote of Punning, 
 And wooden Coin to purchafe Bulls in Ireland, 
 Sweet Scene of Turf and Butter trebly fenfelefs 
 Ah me ! to fancy Writers muft have Senfe, 
 When I have read fuch Writings nay when Swift's 
 Brifk Salt, bright Droll, and animated Style 
 Spire to a Point, then fettle in a * Struldbnig . 
 Scribe then ye Slews, hum on ye warbling Fry, 
 Secure from legal Idiocy and Bedlam, 
 While I in Puns pin up your Panegyrick. 
 
 Monftrous ! fuch trifling in heroic Strains ! 
 Some Critick grave exclaims, with folemn Mien, 
 And front full fapient ; whofe profoundeft View 
 111 kens our Drift, nor marks our nice Connexion. 
 To fink and foar's the Contrafr, there's the Skill ; 
 Rules may be Nonfenfe, as we oft have feen 
 Nonfenfe full regular ; but Flight's a Genius. 
 Whofo's infpir'd muft write, ev'n tho' he find 
 
 & Little 
 
 * See Gul!i-ver>s Travels.
 
 Little worth writing on, and writing worth 
 Still lefs or nothing. Now, fince Tragic Lays 
 Are really fad ; the Comic juft ridiculous, 
 And Paftoral foft and milky, what remains, 
 But that a Wit or Bard of Tafte afpire 
 To new Device, or deign to write an Ollio\ 
 Mental Repaft divine ! which apt regales 
 The various Calls of Guft, with fapid Force, 
 And Irritation keen j while Senfe and Nonfenfe 
 Alternately approves ; while Smiles and Frowns 
 Confent to difagree ; and loud Variety 
 With wakeful Difcord chequers o'er the Scene. 
 
 But ah ! what knotty Subjects reft unfung 
 By ev'ry Bard, where Illuftration deep 
 Might crown the richer Page with ghurks profound, 
 And Quiddities of Things, Knowledge occult 
 Diffufing wide, and cancelling the Poverty 
 Of fimple Intellect with dark Diftindtion : 
 Wond'rous the more in this fo curious Age, 
 Devote to Sapience, when the Name of K gs 
 On due Encouragement is full propenfe 
 T' encourage Erudition, when Squire Ayre 9 
 Aerial EfTence, deals in Shillings, Pence, 
 Memoirs and Patents ; whilerfubitantial Curl 
 Of Fame fo chafte, fo juftly once erect
 
 t 43 ] 
 
 In Norway Neckcloth, happily transformM 
 By feme of his own Ovrd's, reads himfelf, 
 Regenerate Soul ! Our trufty well beloved. 
 
 But while I mention Curl, and deeply ponder 
 On Modefty his Attribute whofe Form, 
 Beauteous and lowly, moves, as half receding, 
 She dreaded Admiration fcarce her Vail 
 Conceals her crimfon Flufhings on the Ground 
 Submifs me looks, of fnnple Air, and Voice 
 Low as the fofteft Breeze, her Drefs fo plain, 
 She can't appear at Court~ In Youth methinks 
 I've known her but no more, the fruitlefs Charmer 
 Still ruins her Pofleflbrs, hence neglected, 
 How juftly ! namelefs Bards alone and Authors, 
 My felf and my Pelagius ftill affect her, 
 Refigning all the Fame our felves might reap 
 To PORCUPINES and QUIDNUNCS j yet perhaps 
 In this not injudicious, to evade 
 Critic's dire Morfure, haply e'en to tempt 
 Fame's fierce Purfuit by no ill-feign'd Retreat : 
 While feeming coy to Glory we fecure her 
 With quaint Addrefs epifcopal, ambitious 
 In fecret to be deem'd to hide our Blufhes, 
 While really vain and proud of our Humility. 
 
 G 2 What
 
 [ 44 ] 
 
 What crafTer Air alas ! what grofler Medium 
 Thus damps the Poet's Flight, and nearly makes him 
 Degen'rate into Senfe, and fink to Meaning ! 
 Ye Mosrfdd Sages hail ! whom moral Turks 
 Wou'd fagely deem divine, tho' envious Men 
 Immure, enchain and mortify, for being 
 More happily delirious than themfelves ; 
 Ev'n eft more wife and good if ye are ftarv'd, 
 It is not o'er your Bags if ye are Monarchs, 
 Ye're not infatiate, Crowns of Straw content, 
 And fimpleft Gates fuffice you if ye're Patriots, 
 Ye prove yourfelves fincere, in ceafelefs Toil 
 Spending your Faculties for Britain^ Weal ; 
 Ye rare, choice Proofs of Britijk Incorruption ! 
 If Lovers, ye are delicate and conftant, 
 And the laftGafp fighs out th' obdurate fair one : 
 Nor ufeleis, tho' immur'd, e'en now perhaps 
 Your ftmple Virtues meritorious fave 
 A while our Sodom Virtue's felPs thought mad, 
 Or fingular ; from honeft Senfe and Courage 
 A gen'rous Leader caught a glorious Frenzy. 
 It comes, ineffable, fweet, kind Contagion, 
 Immortal Leaves of Emerald wreath'd with Gold, 
 Navies of Chryftal, Waves of rofy Nectar 
 Psnee to my Vifion adamantine Breafts, 
 
 And
 
 t 45 ] 
 
 And Eyes, of Glance unfpeakable, confufe 
 
 And blefs me Hah ! what heav'nly painted Clouds 
 
 Array the concave Sky, all loofe and flowing, 
 
 The Night Robes of the Sun in Thetis' Chambers : 
 
 While on the diftant Mount full ftately fhines 
 
 The Caftle all of rufflefs polifti'd Steel, 
 
 Mafly and grand, the Battlements of Gold, 
 
 Which with the brazen Gates, the chryftal Portals, 
 
 And Walls of various Agate, neat inlaid, 
 
 And fac'd with Iv'ry, gleam another Sun, 
 
 And gild the Meads, where num'rous tiny Elves 
 
 Scarce prefs the Green ; where fr ifking Satyrs play 
 
 Enamour'd, while three royal Virgins moving 
 
 With ftarry Luftre, fmile immortal Graces ; 
 
 As here they crop the filver Primrofe, join'd 
 
 To Violets of Amethyft, commix'd 
 
 With many an od'rous lucid Flow'r befide 
 
 Of vegetable Gems, to weave fit Garlands 
 
 For three redoubted Knights, now haply journeying, 
 
 Thro' many a fierce Adventure, from Pegu, 
 
 Georgia and Cachemlre^ inform'd by Fame, 
 
 Or friendly Sage, of the approaching Lifts, 
 
 And the unequall'd Charms of each high Virgin, 
 
 WhofeSmiles muft crown theViclor's highAtchievment. 
 
 What rare Devices fhine ! what Tilts enfue 
 
 Within
 
 [ 46 ] 
 
 Within the Barriers ! while th* imperial Virgins 
 
 Breath fecre^Wiflies for the blefl TRIUMVIRADE 
 
 So deftin'd to obtain them ; whofe Demeanour, 
 
 High Port, and fweet Addrefs, at Sight befpoke 
 
 Their Birth, Defert, and Prowefs, ill conceal'd 
 
 Beneath their Armour Ejulations tear 
 
 The azure Vault immenfe with princely Mien 
 
 They kneel to wear their Chaplets what extatic 
 
 Nuptials enfue ! I hear th' immortal Strains 
 
 Of Orpheus and Mufa:us^ for a Time 
 
 Exchanging their Elyfium. Rofy Wine 
 
 I quaff, beyond FalemiunSs boafted Juice, 
 
 Or MaJJic old, modern Tokay, Champaign^ 
 
 Cyprus, or Hermitage^ regale of Monks ; 
 
 'Till all adown the painted Couch I fink 
 
 In Sleep ideal, when my Blifs recedes, 
 
 The dear Delufions fly ; awak'd and wild, 
 
 I find my felf, as erft Gonzales, left 
 
 By fome fagacious Ganzas near Pekln^ 
 
 Imperial City anxious ftill I doubt 
 
 The Scene how real Worth and Knowledge here 
 
 Are folely noble whofo ferves the State 
 
 Muft really know, and will, and ac-t her Service 
 
 Obfolete Cuftoms all, exotic Trifling ! 
 
 Bleft -
 
 [ 47 
 
 BJeft be the medic *. Sheep, who firft.diicover'd 
 Arabia's Fruit fo potable and fragrant, 
 Which focial aggregates, in Mixture bland, 
 At George's, Richard's, Bedford's, Tom's and Slaughter's^ 
 The various Brood of Man ; while various Themes, 
 Cricket, Love, Politics, Stocks, Plays, and Battles, 
 Mix \vith the tepid Steam ; while curious fome 
 The Pamphlet of Projector, Peer, or, Starv'iing 
 Intent perufe, or cheaply damn ; befriended \ 
 With modern Art to further Reading, by 
 Preventing Writing Circling round mean while 
 IncefTant walks the Library, addreft 
 To 'Prentice fpruce, or aftrologic Cobler 
 Nice Millener, or Taylor fcientinc. 
 Nay haply e'en fomeToaft exalted high 
 In Bridges-Jireet, hence delicately fills 
 The Vacancies of Love, with Novel fweet, 
 Or Verfe luxurious j while the fond Librarian 
 Vifits her more enamour'd, as her Billets 
 Are fcrawl'd in fofter Terms, and better Spelling; 
 She lifps more elegant, and fmiles embellifh'd. 
 Pierc'd, like the Eagle, by an Arrow feather'd 
 
 From 
 
 * Coffee is faid to have been firft difcover'd, by its exhi- 
 larating Effefts on fome Sheep, who brous'd on the Plant in 
 Berry. 2
 
 From his own Plumage, all inflam'd he rufhes 
 Swift to her Tranfports j the diflblving fair one 
 Returns his Flames with many a future Dart 
 Of pungent Love thus paying her Subfcription. 
 
 But all, fays Mere, are not charm'd with Brambles ; 
 Many the ftately various Groves admire, 
 Whence mighty Fleets, Guns, Swords, dire Stocks, and 
 
 Gallows : 
 
 Yet chief felecl the Oak and lofty Pine, 
 So wont to brace the Ribs, and maft the Hull 
 Of feme bold Cruizer, bent on Trade or Conquer!, 
 To Afric or the Indies^ where the Sand 
 With granulous Gold's commix 'd ; or Gales all <picy 
 Engrofs the Atmofphere while yet unfell'd, 
 tJntouch'd their vegetable Woodmates raife 
 Their Heads green Honours, with extended Arms 
 Lodging the various Tennants of the Wood. 
 Whether they hull the fweet nutritious Grain ; 
 Or pry the Bark or Earth for reptile Food ; 
 Or prey on other Volatiles j or pierce 
 The gelid Brook, or warmer briny Sea, 
 In queft of fifhy Meal, the Perch or Mullet, 
 Delicious Food ! which many an Epicure 
 May vainly wifli, unlefs confenting Fate 
 
 Has
 
 
 [ 49 3 
 
 Has with the magic Weight inclin'd his Fob, 
 Which turns itfelf to all Things, Delicates, 
 Drefs, total Worth, Virginities and Boroughs. 
 
 Thus have I apt deduc'd a modern Lay ; 
 Nor to my Theme unequal ; tho' unaided, 
 Like many a modern Bard, by gentle Phoebus, 
 And all the tuneful Nine, however mention'd 
 To decorate my Song But chief by Thee 
 Conducted, fair Digreffion, who, unfparing 
 Has ftrew'd with various Flow'rs the fmuous Way, 
 And fafely clu'd thy Bard thro* each Meaner 
 Of Fancy's winding Maze Then may no Critic 
 Unhallow'd, or tremendous blaft the Strain 
 With fafcinating Squint, e'er fage Referve 
 And Meditation deep allure him equal 
 To our full Scope Aught if his Judgment meet 
 It can't approve, let him admire and own 
 Its bounded Ken ; 'twas far from our Intention 
 With Entertainment to provide him Tafte ; 
 Infipids feaft we not Some Seer prophetic 
 Of happier Penetration may hereafter 
 Transfund our myftic Lines to Greek and Dutch) 
 And Hebrew and Cbaldaic^ when a certain" 
 Arrangement of the whole, Lines, Words, and Letters, 
 H (Fir
 
 [ 50 ] 
 
 (For there the Secret lies) fliall fliew profound 
 Treafures of Science, and on ev'ry Subject : 
 But this the Vice, the Crudity and Darknefs 
 Of our vile Age, and the faid State of Europe 
 Defers not lefs fecure the myftic Bard 
 Of lateft Fame, while, fmiling Sage, * Democritus 
 Hands me his Fift, and ranks me high on Helicon. 
 
 So when fome Tempeft fweeps the Mountain's Brow, 
 Or fporting May-Nymphs celebrate the Feftal 
 With Dance and Garland ; when the fcaly Fry 
 Feed in the lucid Stream j when Ladies weep, 
 Or laugh, and Afles bray, and Poets rhyme ; 
 Or a fierce Hawk devours a puny Bird, 
 'Tis wondrous clear NO WONDERS HAVE OCCURR'D. 
 
 * n. " . exclitdit J'anoi Helicone poetas 
 Democritus HOR. ART. POET. 
 
 THE
 
 THE 
 
 PROCESSIONADE: 
 
 In a Panegyri-Satiri-Serio-Comi-BaJadical 
 
 VERSICLES. 
 
 Ecce iterum CRISPINUS! Juv. 
 
 EyPORCUPlNUS PELAG1US. 
 
 H 2
 
 CT*HE Author being much obliged to tie < own for 
 -* the favourable Reception his little Performances 
 have met with, thinks it incumbent upon bint, as 
 feme late At tempts of the like Kind have been unfairly 
 imputed to him, to declare, that he has publijh'd no- 
 thing fince the T R i u M v i R A D E . lie has Reafon to 
 complain of having been uncandidly dealt with, in the 
 Publication of a former Piece, even yet more fuccejf- 
 ful than the lajl, with which a Gentleman was pleas' d 
 to make m$re than a little too free ; not only in pub- 
 lifting it without the Author's Privity, but in mak- 
 ing f tlc h Amputations as greatly interfered with the 
 main Dejign j a great many Lines have been alter V, 
 and, as the Author conceives, not for the beft : And 
 not only that, but even fame Characters were entirely 
 omitted, and others unkindly inverted. It Jhall fuffice, 
 for the prefent, to mention only thefirft and lajt Char 
 rafters in that Piect.
 
 THE 
 
 PROCESSIONADE. 
 
 are few unacquainted with th* old 
 
 r> / rr 11 
 
 Palace-Hall, 
 Tho' happy are thofe who know't not 
 
 at all; 
 
 Where four ancient Rook'ries, inverted with Pow'r, 
 All the Gold in the Nation and Silver devour. 
 
 Sing Tantarara t Rogues a//, &c. 
 
 Twelve
 
 I 54 ] 
 
 Twelve Reverend Brethren, rliftinft by their Gowns, 
 Their Furs, and their Ermin, and Square Copple Crowns, 
 From among them, feledted, prefide o'er the reft, 
 And, tho' it's oft othefwife, fhou'd be the beft. 
 
 Sing Tantarara y &c. 
 
 Superior to thefe is another great Rook, 
 all'd Lord Paramount, very learn'd in his Book, 
 Perch'd up on a Spray at the Will of their Kings, 
 From the reft well diftinguifh'd by Gold on his Wings. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 The Rooks all aflembl'd, like Sages of Law, 
 
 God fliield every honeft good Man from its Paw, 
 
 To oppofe a Banditti of plundering Elves, 
 
 As the fole Right of plund'ring they claim to themfelves. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 To the Eagle, may Heaven e'er grant him Succefs, 
 They clubb'd out a notable loyal Addrefs, 
 Made a Tender, moft folemn, of Lives and of Purfe, 
 Tho' they meant no more by't than a Motion ofCourfc* 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 And
 
 [ 55 J 
 
 And to tell you the Truth, for you know 'tis but civtf, 
 To give e'en his Due to their Patron the D ~- 1 ; 
 Th'Addrefs was well penn'd, as to Language andMatter, 
 Pelagiui himfelf could have fcarce done a better. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 Save, with humble Submiflion to modern Addrefles, 
 He means from his Heart what his Language exprefles. 
 Whereas this Parade was no more than to prove, 
 The mighty Importance their C r was of. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 From thence to the C t, they went all in a Row, 
 In the Spoils of their Country, a terrible Show ! 
 Had all Folks their own, what a Flight had been there 
 Of mere Fable Crows, all unfeather'd and bare ? 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 Paramount led the Van, all betufted with Gold, 
 Which, rejoicing, he oft turn'd his Eyes to behold, 
 The Steed in the Team more delighted ne'er fwells, 
 While he leads in the Traces bejingl'd with Bells. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 If
 
 56 
 
 Jf n o P _ 1 _ ti n, to fence 'gainft the French, 
 Yet as able a Chief as e'er perch'd on the Bench ; 
 His Hands, fome aflert, are as clean as his Face, 
 The reft you will hear when he's out of his Place. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &C. 
 
 The Eagle the loyal Addrefs well receiv'd, 
 
 But aftonifh'd to fee what could fcarce be believ'J ; 
 
 Much pity'd his Subjects, fo num'rous a Band 
 
 Of Birds, with fuch Talons, fhould prey o'er the Land- 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 The Twelve into Fours, drew up equal and certain, 
 The Chief like a Dove, and the next like a Martin ; 
 A free Denizen That, all preferf'd for their Worth, 
 And a bolddnti-Codex, long dormant, the Fourth. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 Quo' the Eagle, who's that with his honeft old Face, 
 His Wings, like your Lordfhip's, befpangl'd with Lace? 
 And who fhould it be but the Law in its Wane, 
 Exprefs'd In his Honour of C - ry-L e. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 How-
 
 [ 57 ] 
 
 However, a Rook of Politenefs and Tafte, 
 His Officers too, as to Gains very chafte, 
 Obligingly careful, no proud filly Novice, 
 Like a Paramour Coxcomb in Common-Law Office. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 And here, refum'd he, is the Law in his Strength, 
 Exprefs'd in the other Chief J ft 's Length j 
 I find he treads clofe on your Heels for the M , 
 And waits, like a Cat o'er a Chink, for your Place. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 For This and for That, and for moft Things he's fit, 
 For the Bench he has Law, for the Court he has Wit, 
 For the Camp can afTume a bold Coll'nel-like Air, 
 And has wond'rous good natural Parts for the Fair. 
 
 Sing Tantarara^ &c. 
 
 Then prefenting his worthy Aflbciates all Three, 
 An Has-been This here, That a Never-will-be ; 
 But from Grumbler and Conful^ and State-Pamphleteer, 
 Ths Third is turn'd out in his Law pretty clear. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 Tom
 
 Tom Rook with his Phiz fomewhat learnedly four, 
 Was afham'd, with his Three Harlequins, to make Four. 
 Their Coats were bechequer'd, juft like their Decrees, 
 Right and wrong is the fame as to Wages and Fees. 
 
 Sing Tantarara^ &c. 
 
 'Tis whifper'd, however, this Reverend Dozen, 
 For the Good of the Realm fo judicioufly chofen, 
 So gravely array'd in their Copples and Geers, 
 Complain'd of their Salaries long in Arrears. 
 
 Tantarfira, &c. 
 
 Next thefe introduc'd, was the Prime 'mong the Coif, 
 Who blaz'd in the Face like fome Saracen Wife, 
 Fam'd firft for betraying in Public his Truft, 
 And then over-reaching Sir Bob for a Poft. 
 
 Sing Tantarara^ &c. 
 
 His Brethren all rang'd in a Line on each Side, 
 Out of Countenance much for their Premier Guide, 
 Be-perr'wig'd all o'er in heroic Array, 
 Like fo many >uins or Delanes in a Play. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 Tho'
 
 [ 59 1 
 
 Tho' 'twas formerly faid, that the Coif was the Stage., 
 Like an Hofpital modern, for caft-ofF old Age ; 
 Yet that now the whole Order are Conj'rers we fee, 
 And can tell us the Event of a Caufe by a Fee. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c* 
 
 Then Lord Paramount, Jingling little Sir Dud, 
 Said, tho' for his Poft he was proper and good, 
 Yet if he rofe higher he'd fink in the Scene, 
 And his Figure and Afpect are rather too mean; 
 
 Sing Tantarara j &c. 
 
 And here is Sir Knight, who ftands firft at the Bar, 
 Look round o'er the Rook'ries you'll find not his Par, 
 Defpifing Preferment, he quitted his Poft, 
 To fliew by his Succeflbr what we have loft. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 This new-fangl'd Scot, who was brought Up at Home, 
 In the very fame School as his ^Brother at Rome, 
 Kneel'd, confcious^ as tho' his old Comrades might urge, 
 He had formerly drank to the King before George. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 I 2 111
 
 6o 
 
 111 betide thofe that prais'd, premature, in the South, 
 As a Genius this Mufhroom of North-Country Growth ; 
 Who from flafhing a little at firft pretty fmart, 
 Now expires with a Sound and a Stink like a F - 1. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 And this is my African Fav'rite Tom Cl ke^ 
 Tho' dirty complexion'd, yet keen as a Shark, 
 His affe&ed Grimace, and his Gefture and Shrug, 
 Denote him a Kind of a Male Molly Mogg. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 That's little Brunetto^ fo dapper and ftiff, 
 
 A faithful Relator of all in his Brief ; 
 
 If unheated by Fees he too languidly pleads, 
 
 And tho' often fpeaks well, yet too facil recedes. 
 
 Sing Tantarara^ &c, 
 
 The Middle-Bar Gentry pafs'd Mufter along, 
 But the Eagle perceiving, the Fritlings among, 
 A rufty, audacious, broad, bell-mettle Front, 
 Enquir\l who it was of my Lord Paramount. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 Why
 
 Why hur is a King, who, Cot-fplut all her Nails, 
 Was a Kind of a Mountebank Do&or in Wales j 
 But tir'd of infpe&ing old Women's Clofe-ftools, 
 Hur now 'mong the Rookeries at Wejlnanfler prowls, 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 Then higgledy-piggledy forward they preft, 
 T' evince how they all did Rebellion deteft: 
 With his Sword, in an Inltant, his Majefty fmites, 
 No lefs, o'er the Shoulders, than Six Simple Knights, 
 
 Sing Tantarara? &c. 
 
 Negle&ed poor Honour ! derided by Wits, 
 Now courted alone by the Rooks and the Cits, 
 And eke by fome WeJiminfter]\$i\Q.Q of Peace, 
 As witnefs the Three on the former Addrefs. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 Well pleas'd all our Rooks in Proceffion returned 
 Efpecially thofe with new Honours adorn'd ; 
 Next Sunday they went in a Rorsr to the Church, 
 And among all my Ladies, my good Lady B cb. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &e, 
 
 Who's
 
 C 
 
 Whe's mortify'd much in the Midft of her Joys, 
 
 To find that her Title, 'mong Girls and Boys, 
 
 Is terribly fear'd, that her Ladyfhip fcarce 
 
 Can appear, but they cry, Aware Hawk, for the A fe. 
 
 Sing Tantarara, &c. 
 
 THE
 
 THE 
 
 T I SCO FADE: 
 
 A Panegyri-Satiri-Serio-Comical 
 
 POEM. 
 
 ByPORCUPlNUS PELAG1US. 
 
 Qui capit ilkfacit. OVID.
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 following is a <r (inflation front 
 "S the Spanifh of Don Francifco Pedro 
 !| de Lopez, an Afturian by Birth. 
 
 it is J "aid to have been written during 
 the loft Vacancy of the Capital See of 
 TOLEDO ; which was fince conferred on "Don Lewis, 
 third Son of the late King of Spain, by the prefent 
 Queen Dowager-, as much diftinguijhed for his pious 
 good Qualities, as his Mother for thofe of Meeknefs 
 and Condejcenfion. 
 
 As to the Verfe ; in Quantity, it conjifts of eleven 
 
 Syllables, and fometimes of twelve, according to the 
 
 Run of the Line when it makes no Difference on the 
 
 K Ear.
 
 PREFACE, 
 
 Ear. In Quality, it is Burlefque, and generally ufed 
 in humorous Compactions ; which, like all other Bur- 
 lefques, requires to be humoured in the Reading -, as it 
 is hardly practicable to arrange Words in it properly 
 accented, according to their Senfe and Conftruftion : 
 For if a Line does not hit well in its firft natural 
 Flow, an Amendment for the Sake of Accent, ferves 
 only to make it hobble. I have known three different 
 Perfons read the fame Line in three different Ways, 
 and each Reading ftemed agreeable to the Ear. 'fbe 
 candid Reader, who has a Mind to be diverted, will 
 therefore fuffer this Obfervation to dire ft his reading 
 humorous Verfe after an humorous Way, as there is no 
 other Rule to go by. 
 
 The Vranjlator has, after the Manner of Philips'^ 
 Don Quixot, frequently fubftituted Englifh Names 
 and Terms injiead of Spanilh ones ; the better to ac- 
 commodate the vulgar Reader, and give him a more 
 familiar Idea of the Author's Humour : Therefore, as 
 often as they occur, they muft be confidered according- 
 ly, and not as of any thing that happened in England. 
 
 THE
 
 *8* 
 
 THE 
 
 'PISCOPs/DE. 
 
 m 
 
 m*+ 
 
 H E Cabinet, fummon'd, in Council 
 
 conven'd, 
 
 #'S Prodigious Conftituents ! anfw'ring the 
 sa End j 
 
 Profound Politicians, fagacioufly fage ! 
 Who govern by Noftrums the politic Stage : 
 Like Turner and Rock in the phyfical Train, 
 Each confiders himfelf the great Statefman of Spain, 
 Who can fhape out the Public alone on the Anvil, 
 This here is a Burleigb, that there is a G * *. 
 
 As fupreme of the Board, high aloft in the Air, 
 Dan Prafes dtl Dorfo gave Law from the Chair ; 
 
 K 2 Where
 
 [ 68 ] 
 
 Where late he had voted his Son out of Port, 
 
 To keep himfelf in with the Lords of the Coaft : 
 
 Soporiferous there, very lordly he fate, 
 
 Like a Judge on the Bench, when a Trial hangs late. 
 
 Then Gow'ron Transfugos, conforming fo humbly, 
 Who had firft difplac'd H* * y, and afterwards C* *y , 
 Moft ftrangely bedumpt, took his Place at his Heels, 
 And, as Lockit his Irons, bejingled his Seals : 
 Difcontent and Reflection imbitter'd his Face, 
 As tho' he feem'd griev'd he went down to the Race. 
 
 On his Left, fate Don Juan, protub'rately big ! 
 For he follows his Sire like a "Tantony Pig ; 
 Chrift-Crofles, at leaft to th' Amount of a Score ; 
 Marks dolorous, ah ! on his Shoulders he bore j 
 In fevere Conftigation, fome fay, they were done, 
 For the Honour of Turncoats laid furioufly on. 
 
 Next him, fat the Coafter Don Tom del Vagary^ 
 Cheek-by- Joul with hisBrother, Great Gentleman Harry i 
 Like Cajhr and Pollux^ alternately mining, 
 Or rather, unlike them, together declining. 
 
 Don Cojlro del Pratum, a Wit heretofore ! 
 But, fmcc he has coaliz'd, Wit is no more j 
 
 ia
 
 C 69 ] 
 
 In the Right of his Station among them attends, 
 Much afham'd of himfelf, his old Foes, and new Friends 
 All his old Brother Authors look'd on him oblique, 
 Pair'd his Coat with Don Juan's, and thought them alike: 
 His loft Appellation of Patriot they mourn'd, 
 'Till Pelagius aflur'd them bis Coat was not turned. 
 And that foon they would find him withdraw from his 
 
 Place, 
 
 Rediitinguimed with Honour and courtly Difgrace; 
 Give fome future Cadwallader Colour to tell, 
 He writes bis new Paper and fo make it fell. * 
 
 In the Rear of th' AfTembly fat Bronzo o'ercafl, 
 His Honour's moft liable Piece of Puff-pafte ! 
 Very ready to take what Impreflion he'd give, 
 So the S -f- d Petition he might but furvive : 
 Infcrib'd, thro' an Hypocrite Veil, on his Face, 
 Might be read, A Devije in Remainder and Place : 
 Edentula's Jordan he held in his Hand, 
 The Tenure annex'd to his new-ftolen Land ; 
 Moft^fav'ry and od'rous however it/mell'd ! 
 Like the Tax which Vefpajian on Urine compell'd. 
 
 Their 
 
 * 'Tis obfervable the Grubeans of Madrid ufed to make 
 free with this noble Don's Name, to give Currency to their 
 political Productions.
 
 Their Builnefs was not to confer 'gainft the Foe, 
 Nor yet fome immoderate Tax to forgoe ; 
 Nor how to confult, in his virtuous Recefs, 
 Olivarez Count Hawncs, to fketch out a Peace ; 
 Not fo ; for th' Occafion was merely domeftic, 
 And, what may be wonder'd at, Ecclefiaftic ! 
 But, on ferious Reflection, the Wonder grows lefs, 
 For it was on the learned Arch-Pontiff's Deceafc > 
 Great Sire of Toledo ! departed that Morn, 
 To pay the juft Debt, which to pay he was born : 
 To confider with whom they fliould fill up his Place, 
 And dubb with the Stile of Pontifical Grace. 
 
 The Chair declar'd loudly Londono the Man, 
 Let us gain him, quo' he, for a Friend if we can. 
 
 Olj."] The learned Lcndono more honour'd than lov'd, 
 With fome little Reftriction might well be approv'd, 
 Had he not, in his Volume, exhibited forth 
 Proud Lady Ecclefia 1 ^ high Power and Worth ; 
 Htght Codex, huge Treatife ! and then made a Handle 
 Of Confcience to keep out poor Infidel R . 
 
 jfnf.}
 
 [ 7' 1 
 
 'Twas right! he receiv'd Information, not 
 fought ; 
 
 Confident his Deed with the DodTrine he taught ; 
 Rcmifs is that Shepherd who'd lazily fleep, 
 And let in the Wolf 'mongft his innocent Sheep. 
 Inflexibly juft ! who believ'd not the Word 
 He repell'd with his mighty Whip-Sillabub Lord ! 
 Of extenfive fine Parts oftentatioufly vain, 
 Yet perplex'd in maturing, and apt to o'erftrain; 
 Tho' prompt of Conception, yet hard to believe 
 Whofe Skill might miflead, and Experience deceive ; 
 Both Favour and Juftice to fuch he deny'd, 
 And never forgave who eluded his Pride. 
 His Reas'ning had pleas'd if not carried too far, 
 Ami that he afFe&ed t' o'ermatch all the B *. 
 Tho' a Genius and quick in the Art of difcerning, 
 Yet fhort of his plain Predeceflbr in Learning : 
 'Tis as bad, when the Race at Newmarket is loft, 
 In the Horfe that o'erfhoots, as falls fhort, of the PofK 
 Tho' great 'mong the Knowing he ne'er was allow'd, 
 Yet he whipp'd up a Sillabub well for the Crowd. 
 
 While thus in Debate, as he'd Right to be there, 
 His Grandeur came in, and gave Thanks to the Chair. 
 
 No
 
 [ 7* 1 
 
 No Ereajl-plate he wore, like the firft of the Trade, 
 
 With the Myft'ry and A*t of R*l**n inlaid ; 
 
 But an high tow'ring M**re, with Mahomet's Arms ! 
 
 Not Ch*t's, as exprefs'd in fymbolical Terms ; 
 
 Gules, Rapiers a Brace in Saltire, Argent, he bore, 
 
 But the Pommels were Chriftian, becaufe they were Or! 
 
 He declar'd, that, with Age and Infirmities worn, 
 
 He, inftead of Promotion, expe&ed an Urn j 
 
 That as, once in Difcharge of his Confcience and Truft, 
 
 He mifs'd of the Station by giving Difguft, 
 
 He now had the Pleafure in Turn to refufe, 
 
 Refpe&fully begging, howe'er, their Excufe : 
 
 That an old Piece of Parchment he found on his File, 
 
 Exprefs'd, beyond Doubt, it was hardly worth while. 
 
 Tho* the Board was furpriz'd the Refufal to hear, 
 Yet with Reafon allowing the Nolo fincere, 
 Caft their Thoughts upon Tomo Superbos the next, 
 For in Right of a Hint he'd a kind of Pretext. 
 This Lawyer's great Mafter, high -.Churchman elate ! 
 Erft Antagonift bold in Eangorian Debate, 
 Very learn'd ! very big ! very haughty and proud ! 
 Might undoubtedly do very well, if he wou'd j 
 Be of Ufe to the C * h, and the Court at a Pinch, 
 Perplex the Debate, and an Argument clinch : 
 
 2 As
 
 [ 73 ] 
 
 As once he oppos'd, in fignificant Wbrds^ 
 
 Th' Independence of Parliament, C**ns and L*ds ! 
 
 As the Council was going to make out his Fiat, 
 Came in Cabellano, My Lords, pray be quiet, 
 Well I know that his Grandeur, on hearing th' Alarum} 
 Has caft up the Odds 'twixt Toledo and S * *, 
 Taking in all his other Preferments fo ample, 
 Lord A*m*n*r, Ch*c'l*r, Matter o' th' T* * ; 
 How much he's to pay, and how long he muft live 
 To regain his Difburfements, e'er Death may arrive ; 
 As 'twill hardly quit Coft, he would fain be excus'd ; 
 Befides, he'll not take what Londono refus'd. 
 
 More ftunn'd and afbnim'd the Council appear'd, 
 Ambition fubfiding and Av'rice preferr'd ! 
 That the Lovers of Pow'r, and of Right to command, 
 Should the Station of Greatnefs one Moment withftand ! 
 Tho' the firft might decline it from Profit expectant, 
 Yet why mould the latter appear fo reluctant ? 
 'Tis faid 'twas to bargain for one to fucceed him ; 
 But the Council catch'd hold of his Nob, and chid him, 
 Proceeded to think and confider of others, 
 Who'd more tractably cringe with the Views of the 
 
 Brothers j 
 
 L S*
 
 [ 74 ] 
 
 So delivered a Lift of the Prelates to 5 * , 
 
 To read out diftinclly their Names one by one. 
 
 S. Imprimis, my Brother, his Grace of >/**, 
 Vers'd, able, and learn'd, in the Tennis-court Law; 
 Pfhaw, (anfwer'd the Chair, in a Fret and a Pother) 
 He's a Pontiff already Damn you and your Brother ! 
 The Chair will not fuffer you here t' impofe, 
 Or be led like your Patron about by the Nofe : 
 To him you may di&ate Preferments and Pofts, 
 But here you're not Lord-Paramount of the Coafts : 
 That your Brother had Merit all well might difcern, 
 And deferv'd Tranfportation but not to Hibern. 
 Read only their Grandeurs of Spain my good Friend, 
 And begin, as in Politics we, at the End. 
 
 S. Pedro Burgos ftands junior, cognomine T* * 
 Who is come in at lair, with our laft latter Lammas. 
 
 Obj.] Avant ! quo' Vagary, he's brought in by the K* 
 And we muft not indulge him too oft in a Thing ; 
 If we grant him an Inch, he'll not reft at an Ell, 
 Who then will be topmoft we know very well ! 
 But the Man has enough, for he holds in Commendam y 
 Refidentiary, Canonry, Rectory quondam, 
 
 S. Of.
 
 [ 75 ] 
 
 S. 0/baldo Carleolum, full far in the North : 
 Obj.~\ Already his Fortune's of very great Worth ! 
 All the Bleffing, like Jacob, he ftole from his Sire, 
 And left hrs poor Brother to wade in the Mire ; 
 Yet Heaven, like EJau, enrich'd the Depriv'd, 
 Who, by good Application and Induftry, thriv'd. 
 Or whether he pioufly meant to defraud, 
 Like the Pat*ch, his Brother, his Sire, and his God; 
 Or whether the Deed was his Father's Caprice, 
 'Till he fhares with his Brother he never fhall life. 
 
 
 
 Sacerdos Bajfijbaw, new Pontiff del Exon : 
 
 Obj.] When th' Obfcure are preferr'd 'tis enough for to 
 
 vex-one ; 
 
 Some proud Pred'cator of very fmall Fame, 
 For 'till late at St. Paul's we've ne'er heard his Name; 
 A Citizen-Friar, retailing in Trade 
 The A*t and the Myft'ry of holy Parade : 
 He jobb'd with the Brothers, got in at a Leap 
 To a Crook, made but rarely Preferment's firft Step ; 
 Tho' Voifie, with high and iniquitous Hand, 
 Sacrilegioufly fold away moft of the Land. 
 There reft he content, an odd Inftance of Luck ! 
 As his Grandeur was rais'd out of Citizen Muck. 
 
 L 2 S. Don
 
 [ 76 ] 
 
 S. Dan Vof-Tre Meneven^ on th' Edge of the Coaft 
 Where the "Bijhop and Clerks their Antiquity boaft ; 
 Obj.] Where from Aff fled the PontifF t' avoid Saxon 
 
 Forage, 
 
 And potent brown Ale gives th' Inhabitants Courage ; 
 Where the prefent Lord Flamen, by Brotherly Pow'r, 
 Over Learning and Merit broke open the Door. . 
 If the Sire was difbench'd, as they tell us the Story, 
 And excluded from Grace as an high-flying Tory, 
 How comes it his Children 'mong ffjbjgs fliould meet 
 
 Favour ? 
 
 Why the Cock veer'd about 'twas a notable Shaver ! 
 Further notic'di this Son may perhaps be in Time, 
 So fparkifh, fo beauifh, fo pert, and fo trim ! 
 
 S. Don Clericos Bonos, on Eicon's Flood 
 
 Obj.'] To be fure a good Scholar by Name and by 
 
 Blood ! 
 
 A Divine by Defcent, from St. Alban deriving, 
 A Quality Flamen^ no doubt on't believing : 
 Notwithftanding all thefe, yet he is not the Saint, 
 Who we mean for the Service of State to tranfplant. 
 He will find no Tranflation in the Year Forty-fevcn, 
 And perhaps in no other than that into Heaven. 
 
 Take
 
 [ 77 i 
 
 Take Heed all ye Scholars of Ox and of Cam, 
 If the Quality thus will put in for the Game, 
 Bid adieu to your Books, Studies, Terms and Degrees, 
 Your Fellowfhips, Headfhips, and proud monkifli Eafc, 
 Introduclive of Mitres ; for foon will be feen, 
 That Title without, and not Merit within, 
 High Blood, and not Learning, good Senfe and Difcern- 
 
 ment, 
 
 Will prove the right Road in theC*h to Preferment: 
 Perhaps the fmall M*tres of Ha*y the Eight', 
 May th' Acceptance of Learning and Piety wait; 
 But believe me the firft and the fecond Rate Flocks, 
 Will fall to the Share of High-Blood and the Pox. 
 
 S. Samelo Presnomcnos^ Lord Flamen d'Elwenfit 
 O^/'.J There Ifaac puff'd up minuter! al Offences, 
 There Parfew e'mbezzled, and Geoffry^ forfooth ! 
 Is faid t'ave been free with hiftorical Truth. 
 Our Apoftle of Smyrna abroad went to preach, 
 And to trade out a little in what he could teach ; 
 Made Arcbi-decanos by Pont If ex W* 
 Bid fince into Cambria himfelf to betake ; 
 And there he mufl deprecate long for the Sins 
 Of Parffw and Ifaac, in Piety Twins ! 
 
 S. Toma-
 
 S. Toma-fmo deLindis, where erft we are told, 
 The Devil o'erlook'd both the Town and the Fold. 
 
 Obj.] The Objection is ftrong, 'tis prefum'd, agalnft 
 
 him, 
 
 In hunting Preferment he fraclur'd a Limb ; 
 In haftening along to his Patron, before 
 His approaching Competitor came to the Door, 
 He trod on his CafTock, and fell in the Street, 
 And down went Canonicals into the Pit. 
 By Experience grown wifer and eafy to boot, 
 He will hardly be tempted to rifk t'other Foot, 
 To remove from a Place where he's lov'd and extoll'd j 
 Clean fweeps the new Broom * Heav'n fend he may 
 
 hold ! 
 
 S. Hut-Ton de Bafz-Gcris, in th' Hills of JJIure^ 
 Where of Courfe all the Natives are Gentlemen pure 
 
 By Patent from Heaven, 
 
 Obj.'] That City, or near it, 
 
 Was fam'd foroppofing prfrud Aujlln with Spirit, 
 Where, refufmg t' acknowledge the Pope, the good Saint 
 Sent the Monks up to Heaven to make their Complaint. 
 Fam'd too for Pelagius, as Hiftory tells, 
 And the old Flamen Bulkley who fold off the Bells. 
 
 But
 
 [ 79 ] 
 
 But as grandeural Mat is allo'v'd of good Note, 
 
 His Relatives num'rous refpeKvely vote, 
 
 Tho' he fails of Toledo, we'll find him a Place, 
 
 Perhaps by and by, with the Title of Grace! 
 
 To the Oufe * from the Menal \ is no unknown Run a 
 
 Th' Example is recent, for lately 'twas done. 
 
 S. Necroman del Hocus Fontanenfts et Batbon 
 
 Otj.] Nor in Askelon publifh, nor tell it in Gathon^ 
 That, among all our Reverendlni around, 
 There's, blefs us ! but one fingle Conjurer found ! 
 Great Things he can do ! Ropes of Sand he can 
 
 fpin, 
 
 'Twas he that decypher'd the Dog Harlequin j 
 Expounded the Letters, unravell'd the Jeft, 
 Made a Plot of a Woman, a Dog, and a Prieft ; 
 Bound all the long Alphabet faft in a Link, 
 And by Subfequents prov'd what Precedents might 
 
 think ; 
 
 Saw reverend Treafon in Prayers prelatic, 
 And good Mrs. H* yes at the Bottom aquatic; 
 Saw all that Leviathan wifli'd might be feen, 
 The Paftor depriv'd and himfelf made a D * ; 
 
 Next 
 
 * In Spani/b, the Ebro. 
 t The Straits of Gibraltar.
 
 t 8 ] 
 
 Next preferr'd to a Crook then tranflated 
 Where he's like to remain 'till Don John has the 
 Seals. 
 
 -S. Gil Bsrto Pifeopulos Blunder on dell Aff: 
 
 Obj.~\ A fufficient tho' moderate Grandural Staff ; 
 (Thank th' extravagant Dun/Jan, the fame, I fuppofe, 
 Who took with the Tongs the poor De'il by the Nofe) 
 Without the long Train of Preferments which AT*, f 
 In his elegant Latin J annex'd to the Thing : 
 Grave et plumbum faid the Jacobite Laic 
 Such a Weight of Preferments o'erpowers the weak : 
 'Tis the Fate of the C * h to be ever abus'd, 
 Dunciadl diftinguim'd, and Merit refus'd ! 
 While Thefe ftrut in Purple and wallow in Riches, 
 Thofe-hlde, in poor CaJJocks, the Abfence of Breeches, 
 Still his Weight will exalt him ! nay is't n/>t agreed 
 He's to pafs from the Taaf 'twixt the Tees and the 
 
 Tw*d? || 
 
 S. Chi- 
 
 f Archidiaconus, Prasbendarius, Cuftos, Augur, Reftor, 
 Prolocutor, Flamen Major, Flamen Minor, Flamen Dialis, 
 Flamen Czefaris, Ruflicus, Urbanus, Aulicus, Academicus, 
 &c. 
 
 J Epiftola Objurgatoria. 
 
 || In Spanijh the Gxadelqui-vh; the Douro, and Garron.
 
 5. Chi-CaJIrum Sen. Coll. Cantab. Matathia. 
 Obj.~\ He had always to govern a natural Bias : 
 He travell'd from Cam to old Taaff, and from thence 
 To Cijfo's proud City, erft ftrong for Defence ! 
 His Outfide exhibits a good likely Sign, 
 A Mark that he's not over-furnifh'd within ; 
 Howe'er, if no Conj'rer 4 he's not a bad Man, 
 He gives us his Vote, and fubmits to our Plan, 
 He is quiet and eafy, and bounds his Defire^ 
 And feems not to court a Tranflation that's high'r. 
 
 S. Ufepbos Cellar ion, his Grandeur of B * *, 
 Where Pebbles are found quite as clear as a Chriilal : 
 Obj.~\ tie is bufy difburfing of Money good Store, 
 In repairing, where never Repairs were before ; 
 Their dilapidate Grandeurs, preceding, appear 
 To have minded the Profits much more than Repair ; 
 To pay Matter Paul by the robbing poor Peter* 
 I've frequently heard ofj it fervesfor my Metre ; 
 But ne'er of converting the Dues of St. Pau/ t 
 To eke out a See infufHciently fmall. 
 Tho' an early Conformift, yet (till he dijjents^ 
 Not pockets, but {hares with the C * h in her Rents. 
 
 M 'Till
 
 [ 82 ] 
 
 'Till his Buildings are finifh'd, there let him remain, 
 In Support of Lord Flamen he'll break Mr. D * . 
 
 S. Norvicos del fomo Orien- Anglos de G * : - 
 Obj.~\ He no fooner fet up, than he fet down, his Coach; 
 When, difmounted in Ruins, Eentleon did view it, 
 He infcrib'd it, infultingly, Hie currus fuli ! 
 He ftill, femper idem^ in College had tarried, 
 Had he not to Severia's fair Sifter been married ; 
 Pinn'd clofe to his Brother-in-Law's brawny Back, 
 He wound him aloft, as our Cooks do a Jack. 
 He expects not at prefent a further Advance, 
 Save by Rife of that Brother, or fome other Chance j 
 Unlefs he. can hit it with Ch*dl*r, and get 
 The DifTenters, like Partridge, to lie for the Net. 
 
 S. Bos-Furius Prejbyteron : 
 
 Obj] He knew how to trim, 
 
 And has got to his laft, and no higher fliall climb 5 
 His^?r/? he attain.'d to by goffipping Stories, 
 By Corruption andBrib'ry y his laft r 'gainft the Tories \ 
 Was advanc'd in the Order for that very Thing, 
 For which he fhould rather have met with a String. 
 Let him gratefully clear with the Scots and their College, 
 Whence he ftole his Divinity, Learning and Knowledge; 
 
 Where,
 
 [ 8j J 
 
 Where, forfaking his Cheefecakes, his Tarts and his 
 
 Cuftards ; 
 
 Delight of Lord-Mayors and old City-Buftards ! 
 He took up the painful Prcfeffion of Letters, 
 And learn'd it was meet to conform like his Betters. 
 
 S. Then comes on his Grandeur^ learn'd Ker-fec dil 
 
 Oxon, 
 
 Obj.] Once fufpeded of putting the Garb of a Fox-on; 
 Who withdrew, from whence Dignity was not in Call, 
 And wifely conform'd where a M**re might fall. 
 But mould this be the Man, who fo frequently preaches, 
 And feems to believe in the Doctrine he teaches, 
 He may raife in the Church fuch a primitive Cuilom, 
 As will little agree with the Sons of Chryfo/iom. 
 
 S. Meek Marion Ben-Sonos ftands next on the Lift : 
 Ob/.] Tho' as good a Lord Pa/I or as e'er did exift, 
 And deferves to be rais'd to a M**re that's fatter ; 
 But he's not the Man that muft go o'er the Water ; 
 Tho' right for our Purpofe, by Abfence of Spirit, 
 Yet very unfit from his fanclified Merit. 
 Should he chance to oppofe us, the Crowd, I'll afTure ye 
 Will be full of my very good Lord C****y, 
 Will daily about him for Blefling refort, 
 For the Bleffing's enhanc'd that oppofes the C * t ~ 9 
 
 M 2 l m .
 
 Impolitic therefore to make him our Matter, 
 Let him walk then with God in his City of G**r. 
 
 S. Avaro del Bottfon Paramontos d? fJJle : 
 
 Obj.] As he traveird from Nor to the South of the Stile, 
 
 Half the Fine, which he'd rais'd to exorbitant Rate, 
 
 Departing, he gracioufly offer'd t' abate, 
 
 So he might but enfeal and deliver his Deed, 
 
 E'er th' Arrival of him who was nam'd to fucceed. 
 
 My Kingdom is all of this World is his Text, 
 
 So that This he enjoys, he ne'er cares for trie Next. 
 
 S. Tough Pep-Los Devana Nor-Occidentalis : 
 Obj.'] Purfu'd and purfuing with reverend Malice ; 
 T' ep*fc*p*te never he'd met with a Call, 
 Had he not been aflaulted by mad Pftrfon Paul; 
 Had Go/Iron been eafy fo fam'd for his Knowledge ! 
 He'd ftill been but Warden of M***r College ; 
 Had -the Rebels Succefs, and ourGen'rals been bang'd, 
 'Tis Paul had been Flamen^ and Pep-Los had hang'd. 
 
 S. Tyrannos del Rivulet : 
 
 Ob}."] Long flnce wifh'd in Heaven, 
 
 Or that never he'd quitted his Sire's native Oven - t 
 Illiberal Flamen / the more is the Pity, 
 Both of this and of that Patriarchate old City ; 
 
 One
 
 One fam'd for the Taylor, in Statue ftill living, 
 For wantonly peeping at Madam Godiving, 
 Who could ne'er, like another Afleeon^ meet Pardon, 
 For eying the Fruit in the Midft of the Garden ; 
 Sad Monuments both, to the Mortal who'd dare 
 Be curioufly bufy with Woman's Affair ! 
 T'other ever renown'd for good Races in Fame, 
 And giving a late hearty Drubbing-Bout Name : 
 So cautious the Prieft that he weighs e'en his God, 
 Which he never receives 'till the Odds are allow'd"; 
 King Nebuchad's Image ! but yet when he prays, 
 He ne'er minds the Ballance, nor makes his EfTays : 
 His Pen, fo laborious and learnedly dull ! 
 The Infidel Labour eftablifh'd in full, 
 Inftead of o'erthrowing ; Caft his Book at his Head, 
 For an Ounce of good Silver he's a Pound of dull 
 
 Lead, 
 Mere Dough, like the Baker of Hereford's Bread 
 
 *d1 
 
 ml 
 
 S. Dulmanos Wilcoclon ftiff Flamen deR of ens : 
 Obj.] He has long in the Abbey interr'd many Coffins * 
 In Perfon officiating ever to win-ye, 
 In Defraud of the Prebend, the Ring and the Guinea ; 
 A Noun Subftantive Crook, which alone cannot ftand 
 Without a Noun Adjective D*nry at Hand : 
 
 The
 
 t 86 ] 
 
 The Abbey of Thorney and Mitre of Rocb* 9 
 Can, fupporting each other, maintain a good Coach. 
 A Man-of-War Praymajler erft, where tho' oft 
 They call on the Devil, yet keep him abaft. 
 From the Severn he travell'd to Mtdway and Thames^ 
 And there he is like to continue it feems ; 
 Propitioufly Chance has made more than his Wifh-up, 
 For fure he could hardly e'er hope to be B * *. 
 
 Sv Candelarion jfvar&s>-who wrote many Reams ! 
 His vain Predeceflor and he in Extremes ; 
 This wond'roufly fparing, and That moft profufe j 
 OddOppofites both, and without juft.Excufe : 
 This hoards up his Trea%e from Light and the Day, 
 That contracted new Debts which he ne'er meant to 
 
 pay ^ 
 
 The AfTertion is falfe ! they v/ere paid by the Son j 
 A little, indeed, by Lord Froth was begun, 
 T' acquire a good Name, forfooth ! nothing more. 
 When Edrof prevails by the Pray'is of the Poor, 
 And behaves, in the Eye of the World, fomewhat fager, 
 We may then give Attention to him and his Wager. 
 
 S. We have varied from Order and Rank in the Text, 
 Take however Ben los Liberal!* the next j 
 
 a#] 
 
 t The Minho, the Guadiana, and the Tagus*
 
 Ofy'.] Erft Maker of Sermons .'and Journal Difcourfe, 
 
 ThanThefe nothing better, thanThofe nothing worfej 
 
 Defender of Treaties, H*n*v*r's and SwHk'a, , 
 
 Leviathan's Schemes, indefenfible Evils ! 
 
 Deceiv'd into thefe, he will never forget, 
 
 Nor be catch 'd any more in the Minister's Net. 
 
 He is happy and eafy, and thinks himfelf fo, 
 
 A Scholar, Divine, and a Gentleman too ! 
 
 He will feaft with the Rich, and he'll feed with the Poor, 
 
 And welcome attends all who come to his Door ; 
 
 His Demeanor is affable, kind and endearing, 
 
 And he lives likeTrelawney in all Things but fwearingi 
 
 But yet Ihould he controvert aught in the State, 
 
 He will ftiffiy difpute, for he loves a Debate ! 
 
 Not unlike, in one Way, to the Fair when they fcold, 
 
 For he'll have the laft Word, and wilt ne'er be controJTd. 
 
 Then Bran/a, rofe up, mighty Rival of Quin / 
 As wak'd from Reflection whom next to take in, 
 What Matter, what Party, what Friend to betray: 
 O Sages ! quo' he, hear what Bronfo c?.n fay 
 For bafhfui Defert, long oppos'd by the Malice 
 Of the Magi ftrate's Hand, and the Sons of the Chalice} 
 \VhofeToffing?, Repulfes, Impris'nings and Woe, 
 Serve only t* knbrighJfn and not to o'crthrov/j 
 
 Laborious,
 
 Laborious, good Man ! both in Preaching and Pray 'r, 
 
 Well read, if not learn'd ; great Flamen of Clare ! 
 
 Who th' untraclable Butcher fuccefsfully ftuns, 
 
 Inftru&s in Conundrums and Libels in Puns j 
 
 Who, like Paul in the Midft of tKAtkenlans, can preach, 
 
 And perhaps as finCere and as bold in his Speech ! 
 
 To whom I'm indebted for all my Acquefts, 
 
 In the Art of Perfuafion my Actions, my Refts, 
 
 My Flights and my Sinkings, Obfervance of Time, 
 
 All thete I'm indebted, O Sages ! to him. 
 
 To my humble Requeft I entreat you concede, 
 
 Let my good Brother Orator Leyben fucceed. 
 
 How well will the M*tre his Forehead enfconfe, 
 
 Deck his large awful Brows and his reverend Bronfe / 
 
 'Twill effectually put to his Project a Stop, 
 
 Spoil his Talent for preaching and fhut up his Shop,: 
 
 For, give but a Prieft high Preferment, be fure 
 
 He feldom is heard above once in his Cure. 
 
 His Grace del Pagary oppos'd with his Babble, 
 And declarM he had libell'd his Cook and his Table, 
 His Oleo's, Difguiftngs, Ragouts alamode, 
 And his Belly befide, moft adorable God ! 
 And that to the State, 'twas of no fmall Concernment, 
 T' exclude Men of Wit from all Hopes of Preferment ; 
 
 The
 
 The Rejlorer ofttf old Elocution, perhaps, 
 Might reftore true Religion, and {hew where We 
 Japfe. 
 
 Since from the Right Grandeural Rank you have fell, 
 Says another, e'en drop the whole Order as well > 
 I'll name you a Laic, as in Cafes fo urgent 
 A Judge for the Purpofe is firft made a Serjeant, 
 Who from th' Impofition of Hands may receive 
 His Commiflion at once, to preach and believe. 
 As already he feems to have fwill'd up a Drench 
 Of Scripture, fufficient to pofe all the Bench. 
 Need I mention his Name who has made fuch a Buftle, 
 With his Pen and his Ink for the Gentile Apoftle ; 
 Who would filence the Prefs againft all but hisMufe, 
 Which has lately emerg'd on a puerile Cruize, 
 Call'd at ev'ry old claffical River's Abode, 
 In forrowful Murmurs, t' attend his Monode. 
 
 A Hubbub enfued, fome cried out a Jeft ! 
 And fome declar'd loudly for Gilbo de Weft ; 
 While others, more leadenly weight)', thought t 
 To hollow for good Mother Qfburne de Pit, 
 Who had ftill in the Station of Flogger remained, 
 Had he happily never the Scripture profan'd; 
 
 N To
 
 [ 9 ) 
 
 To the dull Norfolk Faftion^ in Cuftody led, 
 
 He, inftead of Correction, rencontred good Bread : 
 
 So he ne'er on the Heels of the Minifter trod, 
 
 He might, with Impunity, libel his G * d. 
 
 Like Brother-Trade Prifcus^ alias 'Jeffrey Broadbottom^ 
 
 Whom his Grace and his Honour have penfion'd, G*d 
 
 rot'em, 
 
 For abiding his S*v*r*n in Eillingfgate Rout, 
 (As Bronfo within, fo did Prifcus without.) 
 Thus both met Preferment, inftead of a String, 
 This for libelling G*d, That defaming his King ! 
 
 The Chair interpos'd in a folemn Addrefs, 
 Full of Wifdom and Learning, as well you may guefs ! 
 Reduc'd into Order the vagrant Difcourfe, 
 And confin'd it, like Marriage, for better for worfe, 
 To the Rank of Lords P/amen, from whence mult fuc- 
 
 ceed 
 Some tra&able Father to fill up Tolede. 
 
 Arch-Hal*: Eborac long Spado in Spurs ! 
 Well arm'd Capapee, or for Foot or for Horfe ; 
 In his Right he befwagger'd the ready-drawn Sword> 
 And difplay'd in his Left th' invariable Word : 
 Like Dimmock he challeng'd all 'round with the Firft, 
 
 And prov'd who rcfi/te<L> by T'other, was curft. 
 Im-
 
 [ 9' 1 
 
 Imprefs'd with true clerical Zeal on bis Audience, 
 Ncm -Refiftance, at length, and Paffive-Obedience ! * 
 
 Olj.] Is it thus the learn'd Pontiff would have us re- 
 
 member 
 
 The Friends of the C*h, and the 4th of November? .' 
 Thus revive the old Dodrine exploded To long ; 
 He but weaken'd the Side which he'd fain have made 
 
 ftrong. 
 
 G*e f needs not fuch Tenets to eftablifh his Throne, 
 As .but an unfatisfied Stuart J would own. 
 Befides the Subfcription he'd like to have marr'd, 
 As too much in fubfcribing his Pocket he fpar'd ; 
 For none wou r d the Foremoft prefume to furpafs, 
 The Two Hundred Sterling fubfcrib'd by his Gr*. 
 
 owe'er his Deficience that Way he made good, 
 By his Preaching, and Praying, and Speeching aloud j 
 Tho' his Doctrine was odd, and, indeed, obfolete, 
 Yet his Zeal, Approbation from all of us met. 
 
 Pro and Con they thus reafon'd,when in flew a Pigeon, 
 Special MefTenger e'er in Affairs of R*l**n; 
 
 N 2 On 
 
 * See a certain Sermon. 
 Philip, in the Sfanift:* 
 % Aujlrian.
 
 [ 9* 1 
 
 On the Wing fhe coo'd, flutt'ring, as tho ? flie'd have faid. 
 They had hit, at the laft, the right Nail on the Head. 
 The Conge d'Eliros went down to elecT:., 
 Whom the K* in his Goodnefs was pleas'd to direct j 
 But the P*n and the C**r, in ufual Pray'r, 
 Tried firft whether Heaven approv'd of th* Affair : 
 Propitious it prov'd , and infpir'd them to chufe 
 Whom, without Pramunire, they durft not refufe. 
 Coercive the Pray'r which makes Heaven fubmit 
 To the diaated terms of his M***y's Writ ! 
 Then they hurried th' Elett thro' the Rites of old B* 
 Where, while Confecration went forward below, 
 The Dragon prefided aloft on the Steeple, 
 Reproaching the Tafte of our good Chriftian People. 
 
 *************** Defuntmuha, 
 
 THE
 
 THE 
 
 SCANDALIZADE, 
 
 A Panegyri-Satiri-Serip-Corm-Dramatic 
 
 POEM. 
 
 VyPORCUPlNUS PELAG1US, 
 
 Author of the C A u s i D i c A D E. 
 
 Piftoribus atque Poetis 
 ghtidlibet audendi femper fuit aqua pcteftas. 
 
 HOR.
 
 IJ
 
 
 THE 
 
 SCANDALIZADE, 
 
 _. 
 
 ! Weftward the Church which in- 
 cumbers the Street, 
 ^ nd is *"d by the Shops, fo that few 
 
 People fee't, 
 Which in Virtue of old Dedication 
 
 belongs 
 
 To the fan&ify'd Hero renown'd for his Tongs, 
 Whereby, as the Legends of Britain difclofe, 
 He faften'd on Belzebub's aqueline Nofe, 
 And held him triumphantly down in the Lurch 
 . 'Till he fign'd a definitive Peace with, the Churrh. 
 
 What
 
 [ 96 ) 
 
 What tho' it its written that Moor of Moor-hall 
 Kill'd the Dragon of IVanthy with nothing at all$ 
 Our Saint has done more, as he glofioufly fell 
 The Dragon's great Matter, the Monarch of Hell f 
 No fooner, however, enlarg'd than to trick us, 
 As trie French treats already the Peace of Sanvico^ 
 He fet up the Spirit to oppofe the plain Letter^ 
 And fo far has got in the Treaty the better. 
 Alack ! that the Saint did not hold him fo faft 
 So as not to efcape, of have gtv'n him his laft. 
 But that would have utterly ruin'd the Jeft, 
 
 For where there's no Devil, no need of a Prieft 
 
 But hollo I my Mufe, why you draggle too wide, 
 You're a Mile from your Purpofe Come back for youf 
 
 Guide : 
 
 So the Scribe del Vagariot runs heedlefsly oil 
 Till, loft and bewilder'd, he calls out for St e. 
 
 On the Eaft of the Church, which oppofes the Sun 
 When firft it proclaims that the Day is begun, 
 Wheie the ancient Al- Kibla within is allowed, 
 And religioufly reverenc'd (till by the Crowd ; 
 There, inwindow'd in Glafs, lies a Printfeller's Shop, 
 Where the fam'd Mrs. Edwards fet formerly up j 
 (Not (he, who incautious, degenerately wed 
 
 The Stains of Bumbalic\ contaminate Bed. 
 
 Bum-
 
 [ 97 ] 
 
 BumlaUif^ Bumbroker, Bug-Bum t 
 Rumbajhr^ Bumboajfcr^ Hyperbole Tom ! ) 
 Where inftead of the Paftrycook's Puddings and Pies 
 The Sculptor's Impreflions catch hold of our Eyes : 
 There elbowing in 'mong the Crowd with a Jog, 
 " Lo ! good Father Tobit, faid I, with his Dog ! 
 But the Artift is wrong ; for the Dog fhould be drawn 
 At the Heels of his Matter in Trot o'er the Lawn." 
 " To your idle Remarks I take leave to demur, 
 'Tisn't Tobit$ nor yet his canonical Cur, 
 (Quoth a Sage in the Crowd) for I'd have you to 
 
 know-Sir, 
 
 'Tis Hogarth himfelf and his Friend honeft Towfer^ 
 Infep'rate Companions ! and therefore you fee 
 Cheek by Joul they are drawn in familiar Degree ; 
 Both ftriking the Eye with an equal Eclat, 
 The Bipede This here, and the Quadruped That- . 
 * You mean the great Dog and the Man, I fuppofe,' 
 Or the Man and the Dog be't juft as you chufe." 
 You correct yourfelf rightly when much to be 
 
 blam'd, 
 
 for the worthieft Perfon mould firfl have been nam'd. 
 Great Dog ! why, great Man ! methinks you (hould 
 
 %, 
 " Split the Difference, my Friend, they're both great 
 
 in their Way. 
 
 O Js't
 
 . Sttllttl' tit*; -fj. 
 
 C 9 1 
 
 Is't he then fo famous for drawing a Punk, 
 A Harlot, a Rake, and a Parfon fo drunk, 
 Whom Trotplaid delivers to praife as his Friend, 
 Thus a Jacknapes a Lion would fain recommend." 
 The very felf fame " how boldly they ftrike, 
 And I can't forbear thinking they're fomewhat alike. 
 Oh fie ! to a Dog would you Hogarth compare ? 
 " No fo I fay only they're alike, as it were, 
 A refpeaable Pair ! all Speaators allow, 
 And that they deferve an Infcription below 
 In Capital Letters, Behold we are Two" 
 
 \ 
 
 But, alas ! and alack ! well-a-day ! and fo on, 
 For hardly this Argumentation had done, 
 E'er a Mutt'ring was heard like the Noife of a Crowd, 
 Or a Water-Mill Spout, tho' not quite fo loud ; 
 When lo ! all the Prints in the Shop feem'd in Aflion, 
 Sfubfiding in Parties, -dividing in Fa&ion, 
 Promifc'oufly adverfe, they drew up pell-mell "1 
 
 And pelted each other with Anecdotes well, S 
 
 While, alternate, to Recriminations they fell. J[ 
 
 A ven'rable Set, who fet all in a Row, 
 As fomc of th' Originals once did for Show,
 
 [ 99 1 
 
 O'er Ulterlus Confilium the Fifth did contend, 
 
 Which however went on to a Sixth for an End. 
 
 Tho' the three learned Roberts would have fpoke to th 
 
 Cafe, 
 
 Two Chiefs, and the Third, who deferv'd the firft Place, 
 And the firft of the Chiefs he had certainly been, 
 Had the Vacancy fell in the Time of the Queen. 
 
 The Firft both in Law and in Equity read, 
 O'er a little fhort Trunk wore a very long Head, 
 Full equal in every Degree to his Place; *\ 
 
 None could better expound or decide on a Cafe, > 
 And yet even fitter, I think, for the MACE. J 
 
 The Second feem'd fitting as tho' he was doz'd, 
 And a proud difpleas'd Look from the Bench he dif- 
 
 clos'd, 
 
 But out of his Robe, his fquare Cap and his Sway, "1 
 Altogether the very reverfe every Way, y 
 
 Good Wit and good Humour, obliging and gay ! \ 
 
 The Third, the moft affable fure in his Sphere. 
 Condefcending and free, genteel, debonair : 
 He could Bufinefs with Pleafantry well reconcile, 
 Unravel with Patience -, difcufs with a Smile ! 
 
 Oa In
 
 [100 ] 
 
 In him both the Lawyer and Gentleman met, 
 And feldom together thefe Oppofites get ! 
 A Judge without Petulance, Av'rice or Hafte, 
 Whom never the leaft Imputation difgrac'd, 
 Who joy'd with th' Acquitted, and mourn'd with the 
 Caft. 
 
 1 
 
 Quo', Nigerj uncouth in his Figure and thin, 
 A 'Jew all without, yet all Chriftian within, ' 
 Such the learn'd Sages who fat in my Time ! - 
 
 | Talk not of your Days, for they gain'd no Efteem, 
 (Cry'd the plaufible Lord in the South of old JVales, 
 Where feldom an Yefterday Comer prevails,) 
 Except' in your Choice of the great Mafter Tot -.1!, 
 .To fit by your Side with his Cake and his Rattle. 
 On a Bench fomewhat lower, it muft be confefr, 
 You preftcled with Honour and rjval'd the beft ; 
 JBut prompt by Ambition to engrofs the Great <$"/, 
 You relinquim'd the Poft where you acted fo well. 
 No Man better traveli'd the Road than you did, 
 You hardly once {tumbled or faulter'd or ilid ; 
 But when :you got out to the open Champain, 
 Like A Ship, beating rudderlefs .over the Main, 
 You could not the Points of your Compafs maintain. 
 
 Talk
 
 ['01 ] 
 
 Talk you, refum'd Niger, fententioufly proud, 
 Who officioufly courted the ill-judging Crowd ? 
 Your Speeches fpun ever affe&edly fine, 
 Invariably long and direct like a Line, 
 Incumber'd with Trappings, fuperfl'oufly vain, 
 Like Ce/ia's trim Pad when it ambles the Plain. 
 Tho' Nature did lib'rally well in her Part, 
 By a clear thinking Head, and perhaps no bad Heart, 
 Yet 'twas to a Dearth of great Men in your Days, 
 That you owe, if I reckon aright, all your Praife, 
 Like Moon-fhine unfolid to fhine in the Night, 
 Or a Ghoft ever (hunning th' Approach of the Light. 
 O'er thy Titled-E/tate hangs a black threatening"] 
 
 Cloud, 
 Soon ends, fays the Scripture, the Name of the 
 
 Proud, 
 Lo! theBafford defrauded, for Juftice cries loud! 
 
 Then the Mediterranean two Heroes engag'd, 
 Full of Choler and Wrath they alternately rag'd j 
 Indignantly This, in the Swell of his Pride, 
 And Vifage afcaunce, his old Rival -decry'd. 
 Art thou the degenerate Traytor of Hell, 
 JBy whofe Machinations and Malice I fell, 
 
 Who
 
 I 102 ] 
 
 Who the Fleet and thy King and thy Country betray'dj 
 
 Or lagging behind, of the Battle afraid, 
 
 Or corrupted abroad, or by Orders from Home, 
 
 The Contrivance of Gentleman Harry and Tom. 
 
 To flur the great Minifter's Scheme with Difgrace, 
 
 And to bring their new Converts and Friends into j 
 
 Place, 
 For that 'tis notorious alone was the Cafe. 
 
 Moft deadly thy Perfon and Name I abhor, 
 Quo' t'other, as ever I've done heretofore ; 
 That haughty Difdain, that high Tofs of thy Head, 
 Or rather that Void on thy Shoulders irrftead, 
 Might become thee, perhaps, in thy Quarter-deck 
 
 Strides ; 
 
 But know, Tyrant, here, thy Topgallant fubfides ! 
 Supercilioufly fullen, impatient and vain, 
 Yet trafficking o'er thy Commiflion for Gain : 
 The E ft-I-d-a Company this will atteft, 
 Who remembers poor Johnfon can't fail of the reft. 
 Do'ft a(k if corrupted abroad by the Foe ? 
 Without Hefitation, I anfwer thee, No ! 
 If by Orders from Home ? That's nothing to thee. 
 If prompt by Revenge ? known only to me. 
 
 Tho'
 
 Tho' my Squadron came looming^ yet pleas'd I mxift 
 
 own, 
 
 That I could not arrive 'till I faw thee o'erthrown. 
 But fay, to what Motive would'ft have us impute, 
 Thy arrefting my Squadron fo clofe in Purfuit. 
 The Foe that efcap'd, I had reach'd and attack'd, 
 If Jealoufy had not thy Envy awak'd ; 
 Thy Ambition, like Satan's, is far beyond Man, 
 It's Altitude take no Aftrolabe can ; 
 Tho' abfolute off of Toulon was thy Reign, 
 Yet at Deptford thy Topfail was lower'd amain; 
 There Juftice appear'd with her Scales in her Hand* 
 Thee incapable render'd, me put in Command : 
 Both weigh'd in the Balance, each Scale in extreme, 
 Mine prepond'rating low, while thine kick'd 
 
 Beam, 
 I, Juftice compelling, them loft with the Stream 
 
 reme, % 
 'd thelj 
 
 m. i. 
 
 Quo' the Third in Command, with his Truncheon 
 
 in Hand, 
 
 With an Air in his Vifage, half furly, half grand, 
 His Hat, Khevenbuller, cock'd up a-la-mode, 
 A Court-martial Hero in Sculpture allow'd ! 
 Very happy, unfortunate Chiefs had it been 
 If the Seas of Toulon had but one of you feen ; 
 
 Or
 
 Or rather that both had at T-b-n been hang'd, 
 
 Then I had pre^ail'd and the Enemy bang'd ; 
 
 The two combin'd Fleets had been heard of no 
 
 Brave C-nw-ll had liv'd and the War had been o'er ; 
 
 No Work had been left to negociate at Aix^ 
 
 Sanvicos had wanted a Name in difpraife ; 
 
 The Brothers, contented, their Bus'nefs had done, 
 
 And the Statefman of St-ff-d/hire never had fhone ; 
 
 His Grace had unpunifli'd infulted the Race, 
 
 And long Informations had ne'er taken place; 
 
 Brenfo and Selim^ Coalition great Names ! 
 
 Hadn't left Lei'J1er~Fields to make court at St..Janief t 
 
 Tins ftill had the Father continu'd t'abufe, 
 
 And the Son as betray'd, had not been in the News j 
 
 That ftill had defended th' Apoftle St. Paul 
 
 From imputed Impofture, the Devil and all, 
 
 Puff'd Trotplaid's iniquitous Son of a Whore, 
 
 Tho' partly his own, for the Town to adore. 
 
 Tom Jones and St. P / / can a Writer fo nice 
 
 In his Objects of Virtue, commend to us Vice ? 
 
 'TisNature, forfooth ! and mult bear a great Price 
 
 
 Then the Falcon of Louljbourg turn'd to the 
 Pretend you with me, Brother Drubler^ to talk ? 
 Tho' your aqueline Beak, your long Talons, and Eyes 
 Refemble Sir P-t-r's, yet reach not their Size ; 
 
 On
 
 On the Pinions of Glory fuperior I foaf, 
 On Europe's as well as America's Shore j 
 I invaded Cape-Breton, and beat off the Foe, 
 Came home, and fo gave them another good Blow ; 
 And had giv'n them a Third hadn't-you ftept be- 
 tween : 
 
 Methinks, you have manag'd but oddly your Scene J 
 With a Force much fuperior you hardly could beat, "1 
 You drultfd them, 'tis true, but it was not complete, > 
 You fuffer'd the Admirals Ship to retreat. J 
 
 Say you fo, quo' the Hawk? prithee, Friend, let 
 
 me know, 
 
 What's become of your much-boafted Vi&ory now ? 
 Where's how your Cape-Breton, forfooth ! and your 
 
 Ifle? 
 
 Why reftor'd to the Foe* as hardly worth while. 
 For the beardlefs Sanvicos, be't faid to his Praife, 
 Gave it up, as worth nothing, to clofe up at Alx. 
 The other Adventure can't well be call'd yours, 
 That, Fame to your mighty Commander fecures ; 
 By him each Tranfa&ion and Matter was done ; 
 'Twas he that did ev'ry great Action alone ; 
 For has he not wrote in his Letter, "Twos I 
 Did this, and did that : can an Admiral lie ? 
 
 P For
 
 [io6] 
 
 For it was not his Fault that he lagg'd in the Rear, 
 And that all Things were over before he came there 5 
 But his Ship mov'd delib'rately on like a Snail, 
 And would not, on Sight of the Battle, make fail. 
 Then plume not yourfelf in another Man's Robe, "J 
 Nor vie with Lord Tar, who has rounded the Globe, v 
 And, thirfting for P age, wifh'd for juft fuch a Jobb. J 
 
 What's that you advance, quo' the Man in the O ? 
 
 Of the World emblematic, he pafs'd to and fro j 
 
 In a Spencer as gay as a Boy in his Geers, 
 
 But in Looks as much beaten by Weather and Years. 
 
 You fo fam'd there, cry'd he, in the Mouth of each 
 Fellow, 
 
 For taking, with Six Men of War, Porto Eello ; 
 
 Whofe Birth-day, forfooth ! was obferv'd with fuch 
 Joys, 
 
 Such Rantings, fuch Roarings, fuch Bonfires andNoife ! 
 
 Whofe Head hangs aloft, as a Sign ev'ry where, 
 
 To warn in the Porter to Calvert's Butt Beer j 
 
 Who alarm'd all the Coaft with the Coming of Ne<t 9 
 
 And frighten'd our two Brotbtr-Statefmen in Bed ; 
 
 Who wrote, and who printed, and publifli'd fuch Let- 
 ters, 
 
 As were not fo fit to be read of your Betters 5 
 
 Abus'4
 
 [,o 7 l 
 
 Abus'd andinfulted us all at the Board: 
 
 You are broke, and cafhier'd, and will ne'er be re- 
 
 ftor'd. 
 Very few, like myfelf, make a Quarter-deck Lord ! 
 
 i 
 
 Is it fo, my fine Lord, 
 The old Sailor reply 'd, whh a kind of a Sneer; 
 Unvers'd in the Art and the Mift'ry of Sail, 
 Or to take, of a Voyage, a faithful Detail j 
 By th' Affiftance of Agents thou'fl compafs'd the Ball, 
 Experienc'd Lieutenants are ready at Call. 
 By Chance and good Fortune you hit on a Ship, 
 Which however had like to have giv'n you a Slip ; 
 By Chance 'twas you rounded the Point of Cape-Horn, 
 By Chance you difcover'd the Ifland forlorn, 
 By Chance you efcap'd being taken to France^ "1 
 
 To learn the fine Shrug a-Ia-mode, and to dance, > 
 And all your Succefs was the Work of mere Chance !J 
 
 Art thou the bold Hero, the Fav'rite of Fame, 
 Who with only five Servants to Caledon came, 
 Yet grew to an Army fo num'rous and ftrong, 
 That frighten'd our run-away Gen'rals along ? 
 This furpriz'd at the Pans, you foon made to run, 
 To apprize all he met with, the Fight was begun. 
 
 P 2 That,
 
 [ J08 J 
 
 That, the hardy black Tyrant of Difcipline's Force ? 
 YOU taught to confide in the Heels of his Horfe ; 
 Then advanc'd injto England o'er good Mother W ; 
 Very fit to command was a Man fo decay'd ! 
 Scour'd round all the Country along up to D y, 
 'Till you heard at the Head of my Troops I was hard- 
 
 by; 
 
 When, wifely returning, you fliunn'd future Harms, *> 
 To revel In fair 'Jenny Cameron's Charms, > 
 
 'Till we met at Culloden in oppofite Arms ! J 
 
 Art thou the more famous great Hero, who did 
 Purfue me fo clofe at the Heel o'er the Tweed, 
 Crofs'd over the Spey, and fell all on a fudden, 
 So furioufly on in the Plains of Culloden ? 
 Where, as Jacobites tell us, you flew o'er the Slain, 
 Rekindled the Slaughter'd to kill o'er again, 
 Where all the old Women throughout that old Realm, 
 Old Women there are, befides thofe at your Helm ; 
 Pronounc'd you fhould gain never Victory more, 
 And that Saxe fhould revenge me of Jacobite Gore ; 
 But what need you care, you have got your Reward, 
 It's Magnitude fhews how fome People fear'd ! 
 A Reward ! which perpetuates jointly our Names, 
 The terrible Frights which I rais'd at St. J / 
 
 Great
 
 L IO 9 J 
 
 Great Danger enlarges for ever the Soul, 
 And who gives in his Fright always gives like a Fool. 
 Now Peace is proclaim'd, and that falfe Louis ^ulnze 9 
 Having done his own Bufmefs, my Int'reft declines, 
 I am order 'd to wait on the Pope and my Sire, 
 While you to the Shades of fweet IVindfor retire, 
 prom the Hurry and Noife of the City remote, "> 
 
 Your Cares in the Arms of a Fair one forgot, ^ 
 
 The Bum-bailiff's Daughter, or cleanly Marmot* J 
 
 The King of the Ifland far out in the Seas, 
 Diredtly in Front of the falfe Genceft, 
 His Body in Armour, his Head in a Wig, 
 Strange Drefs for a Camp, prepoft'roufly big ! 
 His Mien difcompos'd, and his Eyes in a Fright, 
 As when the bold Koningfegg ftorm'd him at Night ; 
 When, with Broglio, oblig'd to defert his Command, 
 This in Night-gown and Slippers That with Breeches 
 
 in Hand. 
 
 Quo' he, you may compliment, Sirs, as you pleafe; 
 Perhaps I myfelf may crofs over the Seas. 
 For if it be true, what fome People advance, 
 Tho' credited little with us or in France, 
 That the Trowel begot the Male Child on the Pan, *> 
 Where's the Cafuift ? where the Civilian that can > 
 I)eny to my Face that I am not the Man ? J 
 
 That,
 
 [no J 
 
 That, refponfive the Monarch Borrufian, will I 
 With very good Arguments flatly deny. 
 That Proteftant Me, as well you as I-know, 
 Reject the Abfurdity Jure Divino. 
 That the many is made for one Man they difown ; 
 But the Man for the many, tho' born to a Crown f 
 And therefore, retaining fome Pow'r in their Hands, 
 Their Kings are not abfolute in their Commands, 
 They are bound within Laws, beyond which they can't 
 
 go, 
 
 Excepting to H r only, or fo. 
 
 I've a Right in Remainder, and therefore infift, 
 Hereditary Right is, no more than a Jeft : 
 The Pofleflbr, you know, will eftablifii his Throne, 
 You've heard, 'gainft what Father 'twas done by the 
 
 Son; 
 
 The Sire would refume, but he could not prevail, "1 
 Too late he found out he had Caufe to bewail, S- 
 
 The Son on the Throne, and the Father in Jail ! J 
 
 Quo' Galtus, Great Grandfon of old Mazarine^ 
 Who begot the perfidious Le-Grand on the Queen, 
 Would you feek out a Sceptre where Parliaments fway, 
 JrVhere the M y govern, and Monarchs obey ? 
 
 To
 
 [Ill ] 
 
 To be forc'd, upon ev'ry Occafion to bribe" 
 
 An abandon'd, corrupt, moft untra&able Tribe, 
 
 Averfe to their Duty ! like CraJJus of old, 
 
 Or modern * * *, devoted to Gold. 
 
 A profligate Nation, full ripe for the Chain, 
 
 Where they fell off themfelves to be fold o'er again. 
 
 A People, as one of their Poets well fays, 
 
 No Monarch could govern, or God could e'er pleafe ! 
 
 Where the Sov'reign is kept by a Fa&ion in durance, 
 
 And Two Brothers govern by dint of Aflurance ; 
 
 But why, my good Friend, and my Pupil of France* 
 
 Who taught you the Nicety of Complaifance ; 
 
 To prevaricate likewife, and trick a-la-mode, 
 
 With Men upon Earth, and in Heaven with God ; 
 
 Why, I fay, fo fevere on Emanuefe Sore, 
 
 Now our own in Alliance by Marriage Pow'r f 
 
 Suppofe, in Reply, he'd retorted the Blame, 
 
 Your undutiful Plot, and your run-away Scheme, 
 
 From your Country, your Father, your Home and your 
 
 King, 
 
 The confed'rate Lieutenants fad Fate in a String ! 
 Whofoe'er has deferv'd or the Halter or Block, 
 Should be cautious of mentioning either, or mock, 
 But there be, who are knowa to've a very good Stock. 
 
 1 
 
 Cleopatra,
 
 [1.2 J 
 
 Cleopatra, thefe Kings, quo' Juliet, talk all, 
 We Queens can't put in for a Tofs at the Ball ; 
 They may fay what they pleafe of their Sceptres and 
 
 Pow'r, 
 
 We can humble them down in the Eighth of an Hour j 
 We fubdue not to kill in their butcherly Way, 
 Embraces our Weapons, our Battles but Play. 
 Superior you are, I muft own, in your Fame, 
 Great-Britain and Ireland your Conquefts proclaim \ 
 With powerful Art you difplay your wide Shield, 
 And take in, by Turns, ev'ry Spear in the Field ; 
 Whole Troops you take Pris'ners, and glofioufly dare, 
 While only one Captive can fall to my Share ; 
 One fingle Companion is all that I claim, "J 
 
 Like the Turtle, with him, in the Defart I am, > 
 
 Or the Parable Prophet's poor Man with his Lamb. J 
 
 In anfwer, retorted the Tragedy-Queen* 
 Not lefs than myfelf are you virtuous, I ween, 
 This Difference, however, between us there be^ 
 You're the Right of another, while I am quite free ; 
 What e'er you're pofTefs'd of is Matter of Truft, 
 You've Accounts with your Hufband to ftate and a<J- 
 
 jutf; 
 
 J While
 
 [ II 3 1 ( 
 
 While 1, unembarras'd with Matter or Spoufe^ 
 
 Can neither the one or the other abufe : 
 
 Incapable therefore of raifing the Horn, 
 
 I range thro' the World ; for Confinement I fcorrt. 
 
 But wherefore, in different Attitudes here, 
 
 You thus, in the Guife of two Perfons appear, 
 
 As tho' you had meant, that the Sculptor fhould mend. 
 
 By praftifing various, his Hand in the End ; 
 
 Or did the two Rivals endeavour t'excel ? 
 
 The Spoufe drew you ugly, the Keeper a Belle ! 
 
 But if I judge rightj by th' Extent of your Mouth* 
 
 They need not have quarrell'd, there's room for them 
 
 both ; 
 
 To the dark Shade of Tartarus, wide is the Gate, 
 But that to Elyfium is narrow and ftrait, 
 Alternate Pofleffion is not a bad State. 
 
 1 
 
 That's a Touch, quo' Mac Flora, on you, my dear 
 
 Con, 
 
 For two Mezatinto's of you have been done ; 
 You thought that the firft was not handfome enough, 
 And therefore condemn'd it as pitiful Stuff. 
 You publifh'd it bore no Refemblance to Truth, 
 And was rather more like to wild Peter the Youth, 
 Again muft the Sculptor attempt an Effay, 
 And give to Stptemltr the Charms of ftveet May, 
 
 Q He
 
 He has curioufly done it, and if it be true, 
 
 A fairer there's none, or a lovelier than you j 
 
 To gain fuch a Beauty, who would not deceive ? 
 
 But the Wonder is rather, how the De'il one could 
 
 leave. 
 
 Strange ' you held not in Spoufal, for better for worfe, 
 Save one Ingrate only, half Mule and half Horfe, 
 A Trader in Beauty, a Broker in Love, 
 A BATAVIAN alone from your Side could remove ; 
 From thy forrowful Lines he'll no Honor receive, ^ 
 The ftigmatiz'd Tartuff there alfo will live, (, 
 
 While all reading Maidens learn Caution and grieve. J 
 
 You fqueeze up your Mouth, Madam Flora, fo 
 
 tight, 
 
 Well the Men are appriz'd what is fignify'd by't j 
 Affignations of Love you'll difdain, I fuppofe, 
 One only except with the Lilly White Rofe. 
 While him o'er the Mountains you carefully led, 
 The Heath on Occafion might have made a good 
 
 Bed. 
 
 That I judge, I muft own, by myfelf in the Cafe, 
 Had he found what I loft, when they ript up my Lace, 
 My Hero! mySov'reign! brave King of the Fair ! 
 More efpecially thofe who unfortunate are, 
 
 I had
 
 I had not been left to appeal to the Town, *J 
 
 Againft Injuries hardly before never known, > 
 
 To any, myfelf but excepted alone. J 
 
 Damn the B-t-s, quo' J^/, in his Sir John Bruit 
 
 Tone, 
 
 Or rather, which flill is more brutifh, his own ; 
 What means thefe two Players : Blood and Ooons, with 
 
 a Pox; 
 
 This here cafting downwards intenfly her Looks ; 
 That difclofmg her tempting Protub'rance of Breaft, 
 Which calls for the Hand, and invites to the Feaft. 
 But yet to acknowledge the Truth on their Part, 
 The Copies are far of th' Originals ftiort. 
 But Garrick, thou little proud Imp of the Stage, 
 I laugh when I fee thee in Lilliput rage, 
 In Comedy ever a Fribble cr Toy, 
 A Lothario in Bufkin, or Hobble-de-hoy. 
 For the Sculptor's Imprefiion what is thy Defert ? 
 Like a Taylor on Sunday, fo trim and fo pert ! 
 Yet, forfooth ? the true Figure of Richard mud b 
 Shewn in thee to the Public, as well as in me. 
 But as well may a Jack'napes be (hewn for a Man, 
 Or a draggle-tail Gofling contend with a Swan, 
 
 Q.2 As
 
 A* thou fhould'ft, in vain Competition, prefume, "1 
 To rival Great >uin in the Bufkin and Plume, > 
 
 In the Monarchs of Britain, or th' Heroes of Rome. J 
 
 What, Garrick reply'd, is thy Claim to a Print ? 
 Is't to fliew to the World how furly thou'rt in't ? 
 In Sir John and fuch Parts, thou'ft a natural Brawl, 
 Who fees thee in thefe, fees thee acting in all ; 
 Thy Voice a monotonous Cadence imparts, 
 Too fparing thy Actions, and thofe but by Starts j 
 Sometimes ill-adapted, as if in a Huff, 
 Thou art punching thy Belly, or ftripping to Buff. 
 As well in compare may the Brewer's Dray-Horfe 
 Be fet 'gainft a Racer which (kips o'er the Courfe, 
 As thou, my good Friend, be oppos'd againft me, *1 
 In the Wiles of King Richard fo boafled by thee > 
 In Othello or Lear, diftinguifliing Three ! J 
 
 Lo ! old Captain Coram, fo round in the Face, 
 And a Pair of good Chops plumpt up in good Cafe, 
 His amiable Locks hanging grey either Side 
 To his double-breaft Coat o'er his Shoulders fo wide, 
 Malcontented, he cry'd, 'tis with Sorrow I fee 
 A Scheme made a Job of, projefted by me, 
 
 This
 
 This fame Nova Scotia will hardly fucceed 
 To provide for a Lobfter abroad was the Deed, 
 Boundry Commifli'ners, and Agents, and Clerks, 
 Loungers, and Leaches, and fuch kind of Sharks. 
 
 Then Architect Biggs, fo lumb'ringly full, 
 Like the Church he erected, expenfively dull. 
 Addrefs'd the old Captain j prithee why doft thpu fob J 
 Nova Scotia's in very good Hands for A Jobb : 
 Fpr is not the Government civil forfooth ! 
 With all its free Laws, in the Governor's Mouth ? 
 But this is not all the Effect of thy Pains, 
 The Hojpltal Foundling came out of thy Brains. 
 To, encourage the Progrefs of vulgar Amours 
 The breeding of Rogues and th' increafing of Whores, 
 While the Children of honeft good Hufbands and Wives 
 Stand expos'd to Oppreffion and Want all their Lives. 
 Was it confcious of revelling erft in the Sport, 
 That hath prompted thee thus to deprecate for't ? 
 For, methinks, I can ftill in thy Countenance fee, 
 Thou haft many a Lafs grappl'd under the Lee ; 
 But fhou'rt in thy Projects fo wondroufly nice, "J 
 
 Thou quit'ft them as fqon as they're fet to a Price, ^ 
 o teftily honeft thou art in thy Choice. J 
 
 Quo'
 
 Quo* the golden-ear'd Ricard to Patriot Bernardo, 
 A powerful Alderman each in his Ward-O ! 
 Methinks, you look bigger in Print than in Stone, 
 Here larger than at the Exchange you are done, 
 Where the Merchants admiring gape fervently at-you, 
 And hope to be hewn out likewife into Statue. 
 What Honour from Portraits can Citizens claim, 
 While Players can draw from the Sculptor the fame ; 
 From the Fields of old Goodman you chas'd them away, 
 As they ruin'd our 'Prentices all by their Play. 
 But pray, Brother Cit, is it true that you trim ? 
 J Tis faid you're a Pellanite up to the Brim. 
 That you've help'd them to Cafh is a very plain Cafe, 
 Your Scheme for reducing the Int'reft takes Place ; 
 And if there is Truth In the public Report, 
 Your Friends are prefcrr'd in the Camp and in Court. 
 That you've loudly declar'd for the Peace, it is true, 
 And rival in Brok'rage proud Gideon the Jew ; 
 Is this your Attachment to long-headed John? 
 How foon you've forgot the fair Sov'reign of Hun! 
 What was anciently faid by the Scholar True ftill-is, 
 Tempora mutantur & no: rnutamur in illis, 
 
 Indeed,
 
 ["9 3 
 
 Indeed, Brother Alderman, that you're a Cit, 
 Quo' the fober Bernardo^ appears by your Wit. 
 'Tis true, for the Peace I did loudly declare, 
 Becaufe the Two Brothers knew nothing of War. 
 That I help'd them to Money is Jifcewife as true, 
 Unwilling my Country fhould fink in my View. 
 Oft my Tea among thofe of the Court did appear, 
 But 'twas to defray the Supplies of the Year; 
 Still with long-headed John are my Heart and m/ 
 
 Hand, 
 
 And the fair Queen of Hun may my Service command. 
 But when blundering Pilots have feiz'd on the Helm, 
 With their Ears full of Wool, on their Eyeballs a 
 
 FUm. 
 
 I muft not lie bye unconcern'd in the Ship, 
 And not lend a hand when fhe finks in the deep, > 
 Like the Paflenger erft, or Jonas afleep. J 
 
 Then Colley cry'd out to Mac Bwlny^ Hah ! Friend, 
 Stop my Vitals, I'm glad you're fo far from your End ; 
 Once Patron of Wit, of the Bufldn and Stage, 
 Difengag'd in your Mien, unincumber'd your Age. 
 Your refpe&able Head cover'd o'er with white Hairs, 
 Your Face full and open, unwrinkl'd with Cares,
 
 Unconeern'd you fit looking about in your Chair, "I 
 And lift the white Beaver aloft with an Air, C 
 
 As tho', in your Age, you would fet up to dare. J 
 
 What, ftill, my Friend Colley, iri plenary Bronze, 
 Which grac'd, anfwer'd Swiny, my Company once j 
 Tho' early thy Proffer ings confpicuoufly (hone, 
 And thy ufual Qutdoings were never outdone. 
 Very ftrange Apprehenfions ftill haunted my Hope, 
 As fome Prognoftications methought of a Rope 
 Difclos'd in thy Looks ; but I'm wond'roufly glad 
 I'm deceiv'd in th' unlucky Opinion I had ; 
 Tho' all muft allow thou'rt a Genius for Play, 
 In Tragedy folemn, in Comedy gay ; 
 An excellent Judge of the Drama and Scene, 
 Beyond what thefe Times have ever yet feen j 
 An Original both off the Stage, and upon, 
 Heav'n fend that thy Fate mayn't devolve on thy Sort ! 
 Yet how haft thou chanc'd on a Call into Court, 
 To drink up the Sack fo unqualify 'd for't ? 
 Thou'ft worn quite down to the Stumps Joyous Morn t 
 And the Crambo refponfive of Great Cafar born ! 
 Thou feem'ft to denote of Ideas a Dearth ; 
 But I fee thou'rt inclining to old Parent Earth, 
 
 Thy
 
 [Ml ] 
 
 Thy Fame* in Appeal, to Pofterity yielding 
 
 Thy Bronze to thy Son, and thy Lawrel 
 
 That Fame, as an Author, fo long in the Building. 
 
 flg* "I 
 
 e Building. J 
 
 Hoa ! there, to whom none can, forfooth, hold a 
 
 Candle, 
 
 Call'd the lovely-fac'd Heidegger out to George H-d-l* 
 In arranging the Poets fweet Lines to a Tune, 
 Such as, God fave the King, or the fam'd Tenth if 
 
 June. 
 
 How amply your Corpulence fills up the Chair ? 
 Like mine Hoft at an Inn, or a London Lord-May'r, 
 Three Yards, at the leaft, round about in the Wail!, 
 In Dimenfions your Face like the Sun in the Weft ; 
 But a Chine of good Pork, and a Brace of good 
 
 Fowls, 
 
 A dozen-pound Turbut, and two Pair of Soals, 
 With Bread in Proportion devour'd at a Meal, 
 How incredibly ftrange, and how monftrous to tell ! 
 Needs muft that your Gains and your Income b< 
 
 large, 
 
 To fupport fuch a vaft unfupportabh Charge ! 
 Retrench, or e'er long you may fet your own Dirge. 
 
 l 
 
 Thou
 
 Thou Perfection, as far as e'er Nature could run, 
 Of the ugly, quo' Hdl, in th' uglieft Baboon, 
 Human Nature, and even thy Maker's Difgrace, 
 So frightful thy Looks, fo grotefc is thy Face ! 
 With a Hundred deep Wrinkles imprefs'd on thy Front, 
 Like a Map with a great many Rivers upon't. 
 Thy lafcivious Ridotto's, obfcene Mafquerades, 
 Have unmaided whole Scores ev'ry Seafon of Maids. 
 Would'ft upbraid with Ill-nature as monftrous and vaft, 
 My moderate^ating, and delicate Tafte, 
 When I paid but Two Hundred a Year for my Board ; 
 True, my Landlord foon after the Bargain deplor'd ; 
 Withdrew, became Bankrupt, a Prey to the Law, 
 His Effects fwallow'd up in difputing a Flaw, 
 'Mong Councel, Attornies, Commifli'ners and fuch, 
 And all the long Train fo accuftom'd to touch. 
 But what is this Matter of Bankrupt to me, 
 All Folks rauft abide by the Terms they agree, f 
 
 If guilty my Stomach, my Conference is free. J 
 
 The mendicant Son of the pious St. Francis, 
 Grown pale o'er the Lamp and religious Romances, 
 With Mortification infcrib'd in his Looks ; 
 In his Hand fwung a Bafket of Scraps from the Cooks 
 
 For
 
 For the Ufe of the Convent, while yet for his own, 
 Qn his Back in a Wheat-fheaf he carried a Nun. 
 Hold, quo' he, Brother Flogger, aftride of the Fair, 
 With her lovely Pofteriors expos'd to the Air^ 
 Deface not that delicate Profpeft with Wounds, 
 Spare that lilly- white Pair of delightful Half-rounds ; 
 Say, barbarous Man, what's the Meaning of this ? "I 
 How can you chaftife, where you rather fhould kifs, f 
 The Verge of the Court ever privileg'd is. J 
 
 Brother, anfwer'd the Flogger, 'tis not for the Sin, 
 But becaufe I've found out where a Rival has been 5 
 Lo ! I'm not fo fevere, my Scourge is of Furrs, 
 'Tis the Tail of a Fox I apply thus to hers ; 
 My Heart, I muft own, does my Stripes countermand, 
 More in earneft my Eyes are employ'd than my Hand j 
 But hah ! my good Brother, what's that I difcern ? 
 A Parr of bright Eyes peeping out thro' your Corn ; 
 A Pair of long Heels too, and fine pointed Toes, 
 The Feet of a Woman, by G-d, or her Shoes ! 
 Say our Order, ah ! Brother, whatever it will 
 Nature's oppos'd by Reftri&ion but ill ; 
 There is in a Woman a natural Caitfe, 
 Like a Magnet the Needle it pow'rfully draws, 
 
 R 2 True,
 
 ['241 
 
 True, her Abfence does mortify much to our Coft ; T 
 But 'tis too much of Woman that mortifies mofr, > 
 Very numerous they who are loft on that Coaft. J 
 
 The two next that began at each other to lour, 
 Was Prefbyter Tom and his Gr of Contour : 
 Each fam'd in his Way, was much reckon'd upon, 
 This Prime of th' ejlablijb'd, and that of Nonrcon f 
 Whofe reverend good Looks and ven'rable Hairs, 
 Concur in difplaying near Seventy Years. 
 Hairs ! white as the band fpreading under his Chin, 
 Or his Innocence dwelling, all confcious, within. 
 Plain was his Garb, like the Doctrine he taught, 
 But not without Seam, as his Matter's was wrought, 
 With the Church he flood well, but was ftrong againft 
 
 Tithe, 
 
 In Company eafy, and decently blithe. 
 Never angry, unlefs that an Oath mould have flown, 
 Or that any aflerted that Three was not One. 
 Quo' he, my good Lord, you look wond'roufly great, 
 With your Furbeloes round, and your Flounces in 
 
 pleat, 
 Your Silks and your Lawns, and your Black and you r 
 
 white ! 
 
 But, methinks you appear difcompos'd with a Fright j 
 
 Your
 
 [ "25 ] 
 
 Your Eyes look aghaft with a horrible Glare, 
 
 Like Garrickj in Richard of England^ you ftare ! 
 
 As tho' that th' Italian Advent'rer was come, 
 
 At the Head of his Rebels with Bagpipe and Drum. 
 
 Ill the Wind, quo' the Adage, which Good to none 
 
 blew, 
 
 What has hang'd up fo many, has dignify'd you ; 
 For it's very well known, but for that bloody Work, 
 You ftill had remain'd Father Pr-m-te of Y- . 
 That you've well done your Duty it muft be confefs'd, *1 
 You fought like a Soldier, and pray'd like a Prieft, > 
 Jack-boots be your Arms, and a Sabre your Creft ! J 
 
 Tho' Foe, quoth his G , to Church Tithes and to 
 
 Dues, 
 
 You never a moderate Off'ring refufe ; 
 You're as deep, in effect, as ourfelves, in the Mire, 
 Tho' the Form you reject, you accept of the Hire. 
 If my Robe is incumb'ring, your Coat tho' fo plain, 
 Bears a Cut a-la-modc^ and is therefore profane. 
 Be't fo that we two be Philofopher-like, 
 If you at my Robes like Diogenes kick, 
 You'll allow that, like Plato^ I likewife may chide, % 
 And fay your plain Coat may contain as much Pride. ( 
 Come^ come, Brother Prieft, let's walk Side by Side. J 
 
 Then
 
 f 126] 
 
 Then old fcuhpius> in Phyfic a Sage, 
 A very good Figure, confid'ping his Age ! 
 Sometimes out of Fafhion, fometimes again in, 
 For fo, as Occafion occurr'd, has he been. 
 Pourtray'd very gracefully grand in his Chair, 
 Much efteem'd by the Men, much cbaflitfd by the 
 
 Fair. 
 But you, Pill-man r , you Drop-man^ you N oft r urn-man ^ 
 
 there, 
 
 With all your fham Patients, how ftiff you appear ? 
 Pray what's the Ingredient that ; makes up your Pill ? 
 How dare you prefcribe without Knowledge to kill ? 
 Thefe may perhaps inftance the Cures you have made* 
 But where are all thofe who've been loft by your Trade? 
 
 The Namefake, replying, of the Son of old Nun, 
 An Aftronomer vaft, who arrefted the Sun ! 
 The Syflem of Phyfic was firft like a Wood, 
 One could not -get thro' for the Branches that flood, 
 'Till the Doctors Hippocrates, Galen, and more, 
 Cut their Paflage. quite thro' and left open the Door. 
 He's a Doctor of courfe who keeps in the Track, 
 But if he fuccefsfully deviates, a Quack ; 
 
 He
 
 [I2 7 ] 
 
 He is reflus In curia who murders by Rule, 
 But who cures by the bye is a dangerous Fool. 
 You exclaim at my Noftrum^ becaufe it is fo, 
 You fhould not condemn an Affair you don't know; 
 You may, learnedly dull, be obedient to rule, 
 Attend to the Pulfe and infpect the Clofe-ftool, 
 Prefcribe in corrupt Combination with Shops, 
 And furfeit your Patients with naufeating Slops, 
 My Drop I'll adminifter, guiltlefs, or Pill, 
 And as few as the leaft of the Faculty kill. 
 What is it to me what the Faculty blames ? 
 Lo ! M-t-m-r's cenfur'd, as likewife is y -. . 
 Both thefe in the Arms of Hippocrates bred ; 
 Large Volumes the laft hath both written and read, 
 And prithee, what Doctor among you fo clever ? 
 He cures with a Mouthful of Powder a Fever. 
 
 " Lo ! fweet Lady Peace y fo difpos'd at her Eafe 
 JSaniticos's Daughter, begotten at Alx^ 
 Definitive Madam ! I'll fmg you a Song, 
 For it feems your Definity will not laft long, 
 With your Olive, quo' Barb> in your Lilly-white 
 
 Hand; 
 In the other a Rapier quite out of Command : 
 
 That
 
 [* ] 
 
 That very fame Rapier we humbly prefume, 
 Which fought fo abroad, and was loft fo at home i 
 Which, fcorning to run with its Matter away, 
 Slipt off from his Side, and was left in the Fray, 
 With its Point to the Ground it now ufelefs reclines 
 'Till the War is rekindled by good Louis 
 
 Is it you, anfwer'd fhe, with his Sonnets and Catches, 
 Your Cavalier Air and your Hand in your Breeches ? 
 Your Bawble-ftring dangling a-Hown with a Knob, 
 To Ihew you've a Pinchbeck that lurks in your Fob. 
 You, forfooth ! muft a Lady of Quality wed, 
 Say, how did her Quality relifh in Bed ? 
 And which of you two did moft ftupidly err, 
 She in marrying thee, or thou marrying her ? 
 But finely errbroider'd, indeed, is your Veft, 
 Lo ! a Beau of fine Tafte ev'ry Way, I proteft ! 
 A Face not ill form'd, had it not been fo round, 
 An infallible Mark you're but mod'rately crown'd, 
 Like moft of your Brethren, the Lovers of Sound. 
 Then a Voice quite unknown, cry'd out, Candidate 
 ' Van, 
 Beware ! the High-B}~-f turns Cat in the Pan. 
 
 But 
 
 '' 1 
 
 n'd, V 
 
 md. J
 
 But methinks, you owe more for your Form and 
 
 your Feature 
 
 To your Maker in Sculpture, than your Maker in Na- 
 ture, 
 
 Whom the clamorous Sons of the Bones and the Clever* 
 Cry op with a Vandepotijah for ever ! 
 Well turn'd in your Perfon, genteel in your Mien, 
 Or fo by my Lady, at leaft, you were feen. 
 Two Sofia's ! i'faith, as in Dry dm oiPIautus, 
 Mafter Ridley has varied what Knapton had brought u* 
 Rivals contending for Fame in the Charge, 
 This here gives a V-nd t , that a Sir G j 
 Both with one Hand neglige in the Breaft, 
 As tho' you were fure of th' Election confeft, 
 The other extended, as tho' to receive 
 The kind Contributions th' Electors may give : 
 Of the Quarrels regardlefs, the Flouts and 
 And the Challenges eke of the two Scrutineers, 
 As if the bad Voters were all oh Behalfj 
 Of Ttar'em, the Son of old Gorium of Staff. 
 But the Sculptors have vied in a delicate Tafte, 
 And even great Tamef/ain's Painter furpafs'd, 
 Jn covering the little Defect of the Cafl,
 
 [30] 
 
 The ftudious Philofopher waking at once, 
 As out of the Depth of a very deep Trance, 
 Unclenching his Fingers and fcrubbing his Pate, 
 All bare, and clofe fhav'd, without Perr'wig or Hat. 
 Staring frighted around him, and raifing his Voice, 
 Cry'd out, what a Devil d'ye mean by this Noife ? 
 I'd the Longitude faft in my Ken making out ; 
 In three Minutes more I had done it no doubt, 
 Had I not bee'n difturb'd in theThread of my Thought, 
 Which juft to the Point of Perfection was brought. 
 As a Fowler who's gotten the Game in his Eye, 
 And prefenting his Piece, is about to let fly, 
 Alarm'd by the Dogs in the Wood, in a Fright, 
 It takes to the Wing and is foon out of Sight; 
 So I ah ! farewel Thirty Thoufand good Pounds, 
 The Reward of the Parliament ! Ad's Blood and 
 
 Ounds ! 
 
 But above, the two Savages, beating the Hour, 
 The deliberate Clock founded Twelve, and no more, 
 The Charm was diflblv'd, and the Prints loft their' 
 
 Power.
 
 The KEY. 
 
 >AGE 95. St. Dun/fan's Church. 
 96- Sanvices, Sd--cb. 
 delVagarioS) Ncle. 
 Bumballo, Auctioneer y~nes t 
 <$8. 1. 3. Trot plaid, F-ld-ng. 
 99. I. 3. R. Raymond. R. Eyre. R. Price, 
 loo. Niger, L-d Ch~ll-r K^-g. 
 . 10. L-d Ch-ll-r T-lb-t. 
 IOJ. . 13. Here hangs a Tale. 
 
 . 1 8. Adl M-tb~s. 
 102. . 4. The Two Brothers. 
 
 . 9. L-Jl~ck. 
 104. 4. The brave Captain Cornwall. 
 
 8. L-d G-r. 
 . u. n?w/o and Selim, Pt and L-t-lt-n* 
 
 13. TheK--g. 
 . 14. The P--ce. 
 . 22. Ad-1 /T-. 
 23. H~k. 
 
 1 06. 8. and 10. L-d A-f-n. 
 13. Ad-ir-r-. 
 
 107. 17. Young Che-lr. 
 20. C-/# and H~l*y. 
 
 108. 1. 10. D-- of C~b- 4~d. 
 
 S 2 109.
 
 I '3* 
 
 109- 
 no. 
 
 III. 
 
 112. 
 114. 
 
 118. 
 119. 
 
 122. 
 
 124. 
 126. 
 
 I2 7 . 
 
 10. KU-gof S-rd~a. 
 i. K-g of P~f-a. 
 1 8. K--g of Fce. 
 
 15. Kg of,S-rd~a. 
 
 i. Mrs. IF-f-gton and Mrs. C-lb-r. 
 
 1 6. Con.Ph-l-ps. 
 6. M-'dm-n. 
 
 i. H-re and B-rn-rd. 
 9. L d Gr-nv-le. 
 
 5. Mr. B-db-ry and the A-ch-B--p. 
 J.I3- 
 
 1.21. 
 
 THE
 
 THE 
 
 PASQUINADE 
 
 WITH 
 
 NOTES VARIORUM. 
 
 BOOK the FIRST. 
 
 Ay, 'tis a Cruft, a lajling Cruft fcr the Rogues* 1 
 would be glad to fee the p'oudejl of thtm all but 
 dare to nibble at this, // they do, it will rub 
 their Gums for them 1 promife you. 
 
 BAYES.
 
 J O 2 A 

 
 THE 
 
 PASQJUINADE. 
 
 BOOK the FIRST. 
 
 c&!e$!s&'sfe Chief in Verfe ! O ev'ry Mufes* 
 
 *Vr>.,,. li>* IT* ' 
 
 
 Pride of each mortal and immortal 
 Fair! 
 
 Whether 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Pafquinade.'l As it is highly neceflary that every Writer, 
 who publiihes his Works for the Inftruftion and Emolument 
 of the Publick, fhoukl write in fuch a Manner as to be un- 
 derftood by thofe of a common Capacity, as well as by thofe, 
 who, as the Poet fays, 
 
 Pewfe a Wwk of Wit 
 
 With thfjawe Spirit that its Author writ ; 
 
 Or,
 
 I 3 J 
 
 Whether eriraptur'd with Urania's Charms, 
 Or funk in C/;/0*, or Amanda's Arms ; 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 
 
 Or, if he does not, as it is highly becoming the Scholiaft to 
 make them familiar to fuch Readers, I mould think myfefT 
 very unworthy to illuftrate the following Poem, did I paf? 
 over the Name itfelf ; which, tho* fome Critics may under- 
 hand, I am perfuaded many do not. - Know then, that 
 Pafquin was a Cobler, who work'd in his Stall at Rome, about 
 the Beginning of the fifteenth Century ; and, being a Fellow 
 of ready Wit and a fatyrical Difpofition, the People flock'd 
 about him to hear him rally and talk Politics, at which he 
 was very expert. After his Deceafe, the Statue of a Gladia- 
 tor being dug up near his Stall, it was fet up and call'd Pap- 
 ya/ j the Wits, his Pupils, taking it in their Heads, in ho- 
 nour to their dead Matter, to flick their Lampoons, Satires j 
 and Libels thereon ; all which were termed Pasquinades. If 
 thou doubted, Reader, whether this Poem was ever hung 
 on the faid Statue, if thou take a Walk to a certain Corner 
 of the Palace of Urjines in Rome, thou may'ft enquire further 
 concerning it. 
 
 Line i . O chief in Ferfe.] The great Perfonage here ad- 
 drefied, from what we may gather from the following Lines, 
 can be no other than Dr. John Hill, Acad. Rege Sdent. Bard. 
 &c. Sac. and Infpeflor Genial of Great Britain. 
 
 Lines 3, 4. Whether enraptured, &c.] Thefe Lines feem to 
 font at the Amours of Mr. Injpeftor, ho has fo often celebra- 
 ted, in his Works, his Cbloes, Dapkt>a. and Amanda;, all 
 Ladies of Quality, whofe Favours, iome have been bold 
 enough to lay, have been of the iame Nature with thofe he 
 
 received
 
 Whether eternal Bays thy Temples grace, 5 
 
 Or thy lac'd night-cap well fupplies their Place 5 
 Whether with Goddefs, or with earthly >ua!, 
 You faunter down Parna/us, or the Mai j 
 Or, in Philofophy profoundly wife, 
 You pore intent with microfcopic Eyes, 10 
 
 New 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 received from the Mufes; purely imaginary; but we pre- 
 fume not to aflert this Opinion, 'till we have feme Au- 
 thority to fuppofe thofe Ladies as chafte as* the Sifters of Par- 
 jjaj/its. 
 
 Line 6. Or thy lac* d Night-cap.] A Night-cap, ornament- 
 ed with BruJJels Lace, which this Enamorato ufed to wear on 
 particular Occafions, when honour'd in the Embraces of Qua- 
 lity. ANON: 
 
 Line 8. You faunter down.] Alluding tb a Je he fcais qudi 
 in the Carriage of this Gentleman, by fome virulent Writers, 
 called an indolent Waddle, by others, a janty Air. Vid6 
 Libitina fine confliclu, Woodward's Letter, &c. 
 
 Line id. You pore intent ivrtb microfcopic Eyes.~\ From the 
 tontradiftion this PaiTage feems tb imply to that of another 
 great Author and Philofopher, who fays, 
 
 Why has not Man a microfcopic Eye ? 
 
 It might poffibly be concluded that fome Miftake had hap- 
 pened, eithel- in tranfcribing pr printing this Line ; and that 
 our Author intended it, thro* microfcopic Eyes, meaning the 
 Eyes, or the Glaffes of his Microfcope : But, if any Credit 
 T may
 
 New Worlds difcover In a Catharine Pear^ 
 Or Monfters animate in four fmall Beer, 
 
 Serenely 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 may be given to this Gentleman's Difcoveries in Natural Phi- 
 lofophy, we muft conclude he himfelf is pofTefs'd of Eyes 
 infinitely more difcerning than the reft of the Virtuofi ; hav- 
 ing found out fuch Animalculae, and their Method of Exift- 
 ence, as no other Philofopher ever did, or ever will, though 
 affifted by all the Helps of the moft improved Microfcope, 
 unlefs poflefs'd of the fame Kind of Eyes : The vifual Rays 
 to which are fb duftile, that they not only are directed from 
 
 real Objects, but from no Objedts at all, which Accom- 
 
 plilhment alone fhould fufficiently eftablifh this great Man as 
 the Prince of Philofophers, and empower him to correct and 
 cenfure the Refearches of others : As we muft own the Eye 
 that can fee what is invijtbk, is certainly more able to explore 
 the Secrets of Nature, than that which can fee only nvbat is to 
 
 bef&n. 1 find no Reafon therefore to vary the Reading in 
 
 the Text. 
 
 Line 1 1 . New Worlds dif cover in a Catharine Pear.] Among 
 the philofophic Refearches hinted in the preceding Annota- 
 tion, take the following, made by this Gentleman on a rot- 
 ten Pear. 
 
 " It was but a very fmall Portion of the covered Surface 
 " of the Pear that could be brought within the Area of the 
 ** Microfcope, but this appeared, under its Influence, a wide 
 *' Extent of Territory : varied with Hills and Lawns, with 
 " winding Hollows, open Plains, and ftiadowy Thickets.** 
 INSPECTOR. 
 
 A very
 
 ['39 J 
 
 Serenely trace their fundamental Breath, 
 WhiUl thy grim Lion grinds thy Foes to Death : 
 
 Olet 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 A very material Objection indeed arifes againft our Au- 
 thor, in refpeft that he calls it a Catharine Pear ; as this Phi- 
 lofopher in his Preamble to the Experiment, exprefsly fays, 
 it was a French Pear, in which we cannot think him miftaken, 
 as he took fuch particular Notice of the faid Pear ; for, fays 
 he, it was cut by a Perfon very fond of Pears, who out of 
 that exceffive Fondnefs eat a thin Slice, and referved the reft 
 to another Opportunity : That he cried Pah ! at feeing it 
 again when rotten, and that it was cut at the largeft End. 
 Vide Infpeflor 332. So that from thefe Circumflances, we 
 muft remark this as an Error jn our Author. 
 
 Line 13. Fundamental Breath, ,] Alluding to an Animal> 
 which this profound Enquirer into Nature difcover'd, whofe 
 Organs of Refpiration are fituated in its Fundament ; and 
 which continually fwims with its Head under Water, and its 
 Tail above, for fear of being drown'd. A very fingular Kind 
 of Creature it muft be own'd ; and it is prefum'd a very clean 
 one : As to no other Part of its Body are affign'd the Offices 
 which we fhould readily fuppofe were thofe of the Part men- 
 tioned. Vide Infpeftor, 393. 
 
 In ihis Paflage our Author, like other great Writers, it 
 muft be confefs'd, doth not pay the ftriftdl Regard to hi- 
 ftorical Truth : As the Monfter, here fpoken of, is not faid 
 to be engender'd in f matt Beer - t but was the polite Inhabitant 
 pf Kenfington. 
 
 Line 14. Wbilft thy grim Lion grinds thy Foes to Death.] 
 T 2 Our
 
 O let my humble Verfe, Attention claim ; 15 
 
 Nor deem the Friend beneath the Poet's Name. 
 
 Bleft in thy own infpeflatorial Stile, 
 You nobly fcorn to hear the Numbers toil, 
 
 To 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Our Author feems to have an Eye to a very curious Piece of 
 Hiftory, in the London Daily Ad-veri'ifer, of January 8, 1752* 
 which runs thus : 
 
 " We hear from the Bedford 'Coffee-Houfe in Cwent-Garden, 
 " that an unhappy Gentleman of that Neighbourhood, hav- 
 " ing Yeflerday Morning in wantonnefs, thruft his Head in- 
 ' to the Mouth of the Lion that refides there, felt the Jaws 
 " unexpectedly clofe upon him : On this, enquiring with a 
 ' hollow Voice, whether he mook his Tail ; and, being an- 
 " fwered in the Affirmative, he begged the By {landers to 
 " pray for him. A terrible Crafh was immediately after 
 " heard ; and, notwithftanding the uncommon Refiftance of 
 " the Skull, it "is credibly reported, that the Teeth met 
 through it. He was immediately after conveyed home, 
 *< but his Surgeons are afraid the Wounds will prove mortal/' 
 Dr, HILL. 
 
 It is not material to confider how much Wit or Truth is in 
 this Paragraph, if it ferves to give the Public a great Idea of 
 the faid Lion. 
 
 Line 17. Infpefiatorial Stile.'] A manner of writing pecu- 
 liar to this great Man, which has fo often been imitated by 
 the
 
 [HI ] 
 
 To fee them fetter'd down to Mood and Tenfe, 
 And groan beneath the Infirmity of Senfe, 20 
 
 Void 
 
 .ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 the fuperficial Writers of the prefent Age ; and which our 
 Author feems to {peak of as inimitable. The Reader, if any 
 fuch there be, who is unacquainted with this Stile, will con- 
 ceive fome Idea of it from the following Specimens.- 
 Speaking of a little Rivulet or Ditch, he fays ; 
 
 " The tranflucent Waves courfed one another down tie 
 " light Declivity, with an jnexpreffibly pleafing Variety of 
 " Form, and a confufed but very foft Noife of bubbling, 
 " lafhing, and murmuring, among, agalnjt, and along the 
 Inequalities and Meanders of its rough Sides, and various 
 " Hollows." 
 
 Of a Pond he fays, " The Surface of the Bafon was a 
 
 ". polifhed Plane, unfurrowed by the lead Motion, unruffled 
 <* by the gentled Breeze ; the fetting Sun threw a Glow of 
 " pale Splendor over one Half of it, the reft was filent 
 " Shade." 
 
 On Weeds, fs"c. gathered to, one Corner of a Ditch. . 
 " The frefh Breeze had blown together into this Part of the 
 f watery Expanfe, whatever floated en or near its Surface." 
 
 How philofophically exaft among, againji, and along. 
 
 on or near. At the lame Time how poetical and florid ! 
 TranJIucent Waists, Meanders, gentleft Breexe, the G/ow of 
 Splendor and Expanfe. Hence Reader, if thou haft perchance 
 feen only the faint Imitations of this beautiful Stile, thou 
 may'ft conceive a more correct Idea of what our Author here 
 fo pathetically laments the W^nt of. Vide Infpetfers 311, 
 393 4 2 9- .
 
 ['+ 3 
 
 Void of Politenefs, Elegance and Eafe. 
 
 Ah ! what is Meaning when compar'd with thefe I 
 
 How then fhall I for thee prefume to fing, 
 Forthee, borne high on Fame's tenacious Wing, 
 Loft to thy foft, harmonious, flowing lay, 25 
 
 And curs'd to mean whene'er I fog or fay. 
 
 Hear then, ye Daughters of immortal Jove ! 
 By the foft Vows of your Infpeflor's Love, 
 If not, too jealous of each other's Flame, 
 You flight the Lover for a Rival's Claim ; 30 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Line 24. Fame's tenacious 7Fing.~\ In this Line appears our 
 Author's commendable Spirit of Modefty in imitating great 
 Men. This Expreffion being evidently taken from the Motto 
 on the Lord-Mayor's Coach. Pennd metuente fd<vi. Vide State 
 Coach of Sir Crifp Gafcoine : Alfo Horace's Ode to Crifp. 
 Salluft. 
 
 Line 26. And curs'd to mean 'whene'er I feng or fay.] Our 
 Author here feems, whether ironically or no, I leave to abler 
 Critics, to complain of a Misfortune which he fears will pre- 
 vent his Succefs in Poetry, for no lefs a Critic and Poet than 
 the great Mn Dryden, fays; 
 
 He <who fervikly creeps after Senfe 
 
 Is fafe, but ne'er can reach to Excellence.
 
 ['43 ] 
 
 Or, if his Gallantry fuperior charms, 
 
 And all the Nine, in concert, fill his Arms, 
 
 Like his familiar Daphnes here below, 
 
 Bleffing at once the Poet arid the Beau ; 
 
 Hear and fupport me in your Fav'rite's Caufe, 35 
 
 Infpire my Song, and crown me with Applaufe. 
 
 I fing dire Faction and the cruel Strife 
 Of Bards that live, and Bards that write for Life j 
 
 Of 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Line 38. Of Bards that live, and Bard; that wit e for 
 Life.] I am appriz'd that this Line may be taken in a varied 
 
 Senfe. Some may imagine, that by a Man's writing for 
 
 Life is intended his writing for a Livelihood; and that by 
 Bards that live, are meant thofe who \\-v& independent of writ- 
 ing ; as it is expreffed by this Line. 
 
 Thefe live to write, and ihofe muft write to live. 
 
 A kind of Diftinftion which feems to have been handed 
 down from that immortal Philofopher, Lord Chancellor Ba- 
 con ; who is faid to have complained to King James theFirft, 
 left he {hould be reduced to ftudy to five, rather than live to 
 ftudy. I cannot, however, think this our Author's Drift j 
 but that by 'writing for Life, he meant, writing as hard as 
 one can drive, and that he had in his Eye, that Part of the 
 old Ballad of the Wife of Bath, 
 
 When Adam heard her fay thefe Worttf, 
 He ran away for Life.
 
 [if* J 
 
 Of Fidlers, Coxcombs, Harlequins and Play'r*, 
 Phyficians, Parfons j Fools, and dancing Bears. 4d 
 
 Im- 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 In which Cafe, as Adam, according to the Tradition, is in 
 Paradife, or Heaven, he could not be fuppofed to run to 
 preferve his Life ; fo that it is clear our Author intended only 
 to convey the Eagernefs of the Purfuit of thofe Bards, who; 
 had the Meafure allow 'd, he might have faid, 
 
 Write AWAY for Life. 
 
 Line 40. Dancing Bears.] The Reader is not to take this 
 Expreffion literally, or think the Poet celebrates real, four 
 legg'd Bears ; or that he had any View to the famous Urfi 
 domejlici mirabili, that yielded the Infpettor an Opportunity of 
 being fo very witty laft Summer, or to thofe gentle Bruins 
 that now expole themfelves by dancing Hornpipes in the 
 Streets. It is plain he intends no more by the Word Bear, 
 than as Sir ALEXANDER DRAWCANSIR has defin'd that Ap- 
 pellation, in his compleat Modern Gloffary. 
 
 Bear, a Country Gentleman, or any Creature on TWO tegs 
 that does not make a good Emu. 
 
 COVEKT-GARDEN JOURNAL, No. 4. 
 
 Neither doth our Author proceed only on Precedent^ hav- 
 ing alfo philofophical Authority. For Carolus Limueus Suecus, 
 whom I muft own I have never read, 
 
 " The firft of natural Philbfophers, as the World with 
 * Juftice ftiles him, and as he calls himfelf Diofcorides Secun-
 
 [ '4,5 ] 
 
 Immortal Dulnefs^ honour'd on her Throne, 
 Beheld her Empire fpreading o'er the Town ; 
 Defpis'd the Vacuum of her ancient Home, 
 Where whittling Winds pierc'd thro' the hollow Dome; 
 Forfook the tatter 'd Enftgns of Reg-Fair , 4$ 
 
 And feiz'd th' unfinifh'd Manfion of the Mayor. 
 Here flock'd her Sons, the fleepy, blind, and dull, 
 Each vacant Brain and ev'ry folid Skull : 
 
 Repeated 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 *< dus in his Syjlema Natura y declares, that the Man aaJ 
 fl Bear differ only as two Species of the fame Genus. He 
 *' eftablifhes in that Work one of his Genera, under the 
 " Name of Antbropomorph<e y that is, Creatures having the 
 " human Form, and comprehends under it the Bear, the 
 " Man, and the Monkey." 
 
 HILL. 
 
 Line 45. TatteSt! Enfigm of Rag-fair.] See Pope's Dunciaef} 
 on which the Mythology and Machinery of this Poem is, in a 
 good Degree, founded. 
 
 Line 46. Unfinijb^ Matijton of the Mafr.] The Manfion- 
 
 houfe. It is not very clear, whether our Author intended 
 
 here a Satire on the Imperfe&ion and ill Defign of that 
 Building, or the flow Progrefs made in its Ere&ion j but very 
 probably both, 
 
 u
 
 [i 4 6 1 
 
 Repeated /<?'s their full Joy exprefs'd, 
 And on the Tables fmoak'd a City-Feaft. 5* 
 
 Shrieves, Wardens, Aldermen, their Brothers greet, 
 And each Broad-Bottom (hook its trembling Seat : 
 Ev'n thicker Cuftards did the Cooks afford : 
 More folid Puddings reek'd upon the Board. 
 - 
 
 The loving Mother then addrefs'd her Sons ; 55 
 O Children ! dear as Birth -day Odes or Puns ! 
 Happy ! thrice happy ! am I thus to fee 
 Your fond Attachment to yourfelves and rne : 
 Nor fhall I e'er ungratefully forget, 
 You fcorn'd to make your Chamberlain a Wit. 60 
 
 No Genius here degrades your folemn Meeting. 
 Right ! what has Wit or Senfe to do with eating ! 
 
 O.'ftill 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Line 60. Chamberlain, a Wit.] On the Refignation of Sir 
 Sar John Bofwortb, late Chamberlain of the City of London. 
 Mr. Glo<uer t whofe diflinguifh'd Merit as a Gentleman, a 
 Merchant, and a Scholar, might have juftly entitled him to 
 g much higher Pofl of Honour and Truft, could not obtain 
 the. Spcceffion of that important Office. I have heard fome 
 Cripcs condemn this Line as a forc'd Tr*nlpofition. I have, 
 However, no Authority to alter it.
 
 [147 1 
 
 O ! flill be zealous to fupport my Laws, 
 And {hare my Bleflings in the good old Caufe. 
 
 The Goddefs fpoke, and ftrait her opiate flied, 65 
 And eke her potent Quinteflence of Lead : 
 All felt its Pow'r, from Marfhal to the Mayor : 
 
 A double Portion fell to Af- /'s Share. 
 
 Then, in the Chair of State, fhe took her Throne, 
 And all unanimous the Goddefs crown. 70 
 
 Long 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Line 64. Good old Caufe.] A Term made ufe of in almoft 
 
 all Cafes, and by all Parties ; thus a Rebellion, and a 
 
 Reftoration, and the oppofite to both, have been honoured 
 with the fame happy and fignificant Phrafe. 
 
 SCHOLIAST. 
 
 Line 67. Marjbalto the Mayor.] The City-Marlhal, an in- 
 ferior Office fo called ; and not the Name of a worthy Perfon- 
 age, as may be fufpefted. 
 
 Li<ie 68. A double Portion fell to A I's Share.] Sir C. A. 
 
 Knt. and A n. At prefent remarkable for a very pru- 
 dent Refentment fubfifting between him and Crifp Gajtoine, 
 a Gentleman, who honours every other Title he pofletfes ; 
 before the Time of whofe Mayoralty commences the ^ra of 
 thii Poem. 
 
 U 2
 
 [1*8 ] 
 
 live Queen Duhefs^ hoot her darling Owls, 
 Lang live >ueen Dulnefs, fhout her fav'r Ite Fools. 
 
 When now behold, in glttt'ring Pomp, afccnd 
 A filter Queen, a Goddefs, and a Friend. 
 
 Immortal Pertnefs, fprung from Chaos old, 73 
 
 Inconftant, active, giddy, light, and bold, 
 Reftlefs and fickle as her rumbling Sire, 
 Blind as her Mother, Night, could well defirc. 
 
 Wrought by Come Pow'r divine, in equal Pride, 
 Her Throne afcended by her Sifter's Side, 80 
 
 Where hunted Ducks traverfe the muddy Stream, 
 And Dogs initiate their Whelps to fwim, 
 >tonfters and Fools aflemble once a Year, 
 And juggling Hymen celebrates May- fair, 
 This Goddefs dwelt. Juft rais'd above the Ground, 8$ 
 Her Palace varnifh'd Silver deck'd around. 
 
 Here 
 
 
 ANNOTATIONS, 
 
 Line 75, 76.] See Pope's Dunciad. 
 
 Line 86. Her Palace varnifltd Jil<ver dectfd around] May- 
 fair Wells, beautified in the manner of jnoft Theatres with 
 
 lacker'd
 
 ['49 1 
 
 Here flood her Merc'ry, here (he nurs'd her Apes j 87 
 Here Magpies chatter'd in a hundred Shapes ; 
 Jackdaws and Parrots join'd th' unmeaning Noife 
 Of Templars, Coxcombs, Prigs, and 'Prentice Boys. 
 Far, hence, the Goddefs fpread her Kingdom wide, 
 To Dulnefsy as in Birth, in Pow'r ally'd, 
 She, from her native Grub-jlreet to Rag-fair^ 
 South to the Mint and Weft to Temple-bar , 
 
 Included 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 lacker'd Silver, to reprefent Gold ; a Place reforted to by 
 
 Clerks and 'Prentices, to perform what they call private Plays 
 to as many of their Acquaintance as they can crowd in, who 
 come to laugh, and in their Turns to be laughed at. It was 
 here Doftor Hill, in his younger Days, amufed himfelf in. 
 the Science of Spouting. A Science ridiculed by one of thdfr 
 own Bards, in an Epilogue fpoken at the Haymarket. 
 
 Nor is our Art to Houfe or Home confined, 
 
 We ra-ve fth* Streets, and bellow to the Wind. 
 
 Stentor roar'd out one Day, down Drury-Lane, 
 
 J'llcaUthee, Father, HAMLET, Royal Dane. 
 
 A Porter, bleji with Impudence and Eafe, 
 
 Cried, you be damrfd, Sir, call me 'what you pleafe, 
 
 Line 87* Here flood bei f Merc Vy, here Jbe nuri'd her Apes. 
 
 HERE STOOD HER OPIUM, HERE SHE NURS'D 
 HER OWLS. 
 
 * DfNCIAD.
 
 ['501 
 
 Included ev'ry garrifonM Retreat; g$ 
 
 Bedlam, Crane-court, the Counters and the Fleet. 
 
 Her Sifter boafted as extenfive Sway, 
 
 fierce Broughton's bruifing Sons her Pow'r obey, 
 
 St. Giles's, G forge's, and the famous Train 
 
 Of Bedford, Bowjlreet, and of Drury-lane j 100 
 
 Kv'n to the licens'd Park her Chiefs reforr, 
 
 And feize the Priv'ledge of great George's Court. 
 
 Lo, Dulnefs now, half-rifing from her Throne, 
 Behold, my Sons, the Part'ner of my Crown j 
 Let mylov'd Sifler equal Honours fhare, 105 
 
 Pertnefs, immortal Regent of May-fair ! 
 
 She faid. The kindred Goddefs all confefc'd, 
 *"^nd equal Honours crown'd each royal Gueft. 
 
 Their 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Line 99. St. Giles's, George's, ffr.] I am fomewhat at a 
 Lofs to conceive why our Poet ftiould join the Sons of St. 
 Giles's', with the decent, well-dreiTed Critics of George's, and 
 the Bedford. It is true they may be fuppofed equally pert, 
 but I imagine our Author has a much deeper Meaning. I 
 therefore recommend this Paflage to the Critics, hoping they 
 will give fome Hints to the Printer, againft another Edition 
 of this Work.
 
 ['5' J 
 
 Their guardian Virtues in due Order flood, 
 
 Calm Prudence, Temp'rance, and ftern Fortitude; n 
 
 Poetic Jtijtice held her Scale between, 
 
 And lean'd, by turns, the Beam to either Queen. 
 
 Now living Merc'ry Opium out- weighs ; 
 
 Now folid Pudding kicks up empty Praife. 
 
 The Crowd, below, each varied Impulfe felt. 115 
 Part roar and fing, and Part in Slumbers melt; 
 Grave Dons and flapping Coxcombs fijl the Hall, 
 Thefe fnore aloud, and thofe ftrike up the Ball. 
 
 At length the Tumult of the Night is o'er. 
 The Dozers fleep, the Fiddles fqueak no more ! 123 
 The Morning-dawn o'ertakes the quick and dead\ 
 And home the mighty Drunk are borne or led j 
 To Bufmefs thefe, to Pleafure thofe betake. 
 Thefe born to hoard a Plumb ^ and thofe to rake. 
 
 Thus bear the fitter Queens united Sway ; 12$ 
 
 And pert, and dull^ their fev'ral Pow'rs obey j 
 
 Al- 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Lines 109, 110.] See Poke's Dunciad. 
 Line 124.] Thefe born to board a Plumb.] A Pluyti means 
 here, the full Sum of twenty thoufand Pounds.
 
 t '5* 1 
 
 Alternate Honours nod on either Plume, 
 
 And both by turns Preeminence aflume. 
 
 Hence as one Blockhead funk at Grejham CollegCj 
 
 Another rofe, of d iff 'rent Tafte and Knowledge. 130 
 
 As lov'd of Pertnefs was her dear Rom-ne> 
 
 As lov'd of Dulnefs is her own Cock nt> 
 
 So when one Tutor Gtefar's Heir forfook, 
 
 Another Tutor read another Book. 
 
 Now from their Throne they view'd their Empire 
 round, 135 
 
 Where ikim the Shallow^ plunge the vaft Profound^ 
 In dancing Lyrics fkip the fcribbling Train, 
 Or plod in the lame, blank, laberious, heavy Strain I 
 Saw Journalifts leave Journals in the Lurch ; 
 Others revive the Science of the Bircb^ 140 
 
 True 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Line 131. Dear R ne.} A reverend Gentleman, who, 
 being honour'd with the Profeflbrlhip of Aftronomy at Gre- 
 jham College, attempted in his public Leftures to ridicule the 
 Nenvfonian Philofophy, and bring that Contempt on the Sci- 
 ence which very juftly fell on hirafelf. 
 
 Line 132. OwnCoc ne.~\ Succeffor to the aforementioned 
 Gentleman, who will leave th^ Science and his Hearers ex> 
 aftly where he found 'em.
 
 ['53 ] 
 
 True fcribbling Pedagogues ufurp the Lafh, 
 And give, like Bayes's Thunder, Dafli for Dafli ; 
 They faw Guildhall and Wejlminjler agree ; 
 
 At both brow- beating C / earn his Fee ; 
 
 Smooth-fpoken L d with ev'ry Witnefs trudge, 
 
 And the fleek Council fpoilt into a Judge : 146 
 
 Saw the flow Bifhop, with expounding Drawl, 
 Leave poor St. James to grafp a richer Paul, 
 
 Right 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Line 144. Brow-beating C /.] I can't think the Men- 
 tion of this Gentleman here, fhews any great Difapproba- 
 ti<5ri ; as our Author confefles he earns his Fee, which is an 
 Encomium our Pleaders at the Bar, in general, don't de- 
 ierve. 
 
 Line 145. Smootb-fpoken L /, with erfry Witnefs trudge.] 
 Sir R. L d, alluding to the manner of this Gentleman's 
 pleading, which is, in general, with great Mildnefs inter- 
 mixed with farcaftical Smiles. His trudging after Witnejfii 
 alludes to his fumming up the Evidence, and his frequent 
 Repetition of I am inftrufiedtofay. 
 
 Line 146. And the Jleek Council fpoifd into a Judge] Juflice 
 D K, efteem'd an able advifing Counfellor, which Sta- 
 tion it feems our Author thought better became him than his 
 later Dignity. 
 
 Line 147. Sanv the Jlo-iu Bijhop with expounding Drawl, 
 &c.] Dr. $ r, L. B. of O d, of a flow Delivery in the 
 
 Pulpit. He left the Reftory of St. J /, where he ufed 
 
 X to
 
 C'54] 
 
 Right Orthodox, maintains thofe equal Sinners, 
 
 Who flight his Sermons, or refufe him Dinners : 150 
 
 Saw Newgate's Ordinary chatter on as faft, 
 
 As if each Sermon was to be his laft ; 
 
 Degreelefs Doctors, regular-bred Quacks, 
 
 In Merc'ry and in Opium all go Snacks : 
 
 Saw the choice Spirits noify Vigils keep, 155 
 
 And fmg their drunken Brethren faft afleep : 
 
 Block- 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 to expound during the Winter, for the Deanery of St. P /*s. 
 
 He took great Offence at a certain Alderman in his 
 
 Mayoralty, .before whom he preached, becaufe his Lordfhip- 
 did not invite him to Dinner. 
 
 Line 151. Neivgatis Ordinary chatter on.] The Contrail 
 between thefe two Divines is very high; the Prelate ad- 
 dreffing the moil polite Audiences in Terms fo homely, that 
 he ivho runs may read, and fo flowly, that he who crawls 
 may keep up with him ; the Ordinary telling the moft ig- 
 norant of all Wretches, that Death is an cpake Body, that 
 eclipfes the Brightnefs of Eternity, with all the Volubility of a 
 School-boy. 
 
 Line 155. Saw the choice Spirits noijy Vigils keep.] A kind 
 of modern Bacchanalians, who diftinguifh themfelves by fre- 
 quent, no&urnal Meetings ; called by feveral Names, fuch 
 
 as CcmuSs Court, Britijh Carnival, High Borlace, &c. 
 
 The Scene is a Mixture of fmging, drinking, blafphemy, 
 and Noife, as at the ancient Feafb of Bacchus, among the 
 
 Heathens,
 
 C'55] 
 
 Blockheads and "Bloods in Pit and Boxes roar, 
 Support a Pantomime and damn a Moore ; 
 Arraign the Traitor Garrick's InfoJence, 
 Who dar'd to fatirize the Want of Senfe, 160 
 
 To 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Heathens, and very deferving the Satire of a Chriftian Poet. 
 
 Their Priefts are dignified with the Tide of Stars, and 
 
 their High-Priefts by Stars of the frji Magnitude ; fo that it 
 is plain in what Efteem this Pagan Worfhip is held. O tem- 
 pera ! O mores ! And yet the Bifhops, and the Parliament, 
 take no Notice of thefe Things, as if they were not.. 
 
 J. WESTLEY. -viva wee. 
 
 What Mr. Weftky remarks is undoubtedly very juft, that 
 the Clergy and the Parliament fhould look into thefe out- 
 rageous Proceedings. But what will that reverend Divine 
 fay when I affure him, that not only Members of that high 
 Court, but even Brothers of his own facred Fundlion, are 
 themfelves Bacchanalians ? 
 
 Line 158. Damn a Moore.~\ Mr. Moore, a Poet of great 
 Modefty and Merit, both as a Gentleman and a Writer. His 
 laft Comedy, called GIL B L AS, met with very unjuft Treat- 
 ment on the Stage ; for, notwithftanding it had many Faults, 
 as he himfelf allows, the beft Critic would not have con- 
 demned the Tafte of the Town, for giving it more Applaufe 
 than they have beftowed on many lefs-deferving Pieces. . 
 His Female Fables are Mailer-pieces of good Senfe and Ele- 
 gance. 
 
 U *
 
 To join with Popeiy and France, at once, 
 In Powder-Plot, to blow up ev'ry Dunce : 
 And leagu'd, to rob each free-born Englijb Skull, 
 Of Right and Privilcdge of being dull. 
 Saw Students, Play'rs and Taylors, Cafuifts nice, 165 
 Difcufs vaguq Metaphyfics in a trice : 
 Part Wool/Ion, Boltngbroke and Annet foil, 
 And hold, unread, Le Clerc, Fan Dak and Moyle, 
 In lukewarm Middleton find out a Flaw, 
 Staunch to the Text and Kennedy and Law, 170 
 
 Plain 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Line 167. Annet foil'} A Writer, who has publifhed many 
 Pieces after the manner of Woolfton, particularly about the 
 Trial cf the Witneffes, a virulent Oppofer of the Chriftian 
 
 Syftem. -He is now concerned in a periodical Pamphlet, 
 
 called the Free Correfpondent. 
 
 Line 170. Kennedy and Lanv.] Two of the moft fingular 
 and incomprehenfible Writers the World ever produced. 
 ^Ir. Kennedy has \vrote an aftronomicaj Treadfe deduced 
 from the Pentateuch, in which he prefers the Ptolemaic Syftem 
 as next to tjiat of Mofes, and gives Sir Ifaac Newton, Coper- 
 nicus, Tjcho Brake, and all the reft to the Devil. He fays, 
 
 The Newtonian AJircnomer truckles to the Suggejlions cf the 
 Pelphean Tripod, and fuffers himfelfto be juggled into an arti- 
 Jicial Computation, by the Ambiguities of a Damon. A rare 
 Fellow ! Mr. Law is his Equal, for he confeffes he has not 
 
 his
 
 [157] 
 
 Plain as a Pike-ftaff make the DiffVence clear, 
 Between a Knight o'th' Poft and Knight o'th' Shire : 
 Others with Locke and Newton Truths difpute, 
 Still blunder on, and ftill themfelves confute, 
 Eftrang'd as much from Reafon as from God, 175 
 
 Miftake Ontclcgos^ and kifs the Rod ; 
 Aim at the Mark of Science, blindly wife, 
 So fire plump Buff-coats when they fhut their Eyes, 
 
 Root 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 his Light from Reafon, nor writes to reafon ; he is indeed a 
 feraphic Writer, and may poflibly write for celeftial Beings, 
 for no Man can underfland him. 
 
 Line 176. Mijiake Ontologos.'] The Name prefixed to a 
 Pamphlet, which made feme Noife laft Winter, and was cal- 
 led, An EJJay to prove the Soul of Man is not, neither can it be t 
 immortal. This Piece, tho' intended as a Satire on the fcep. 
 tical Reafoning in vogue, and purpofely fluffed with thread- 
 bare Arguments, and worn-out Proportions, was {Wallowed 
 by the Deifts, who lavifhed Encomiums on its Author, 'rill 
 he vouchfafed to undeceive them by publifhing as weak a 
 Reply in the lame Name, meerly to convince them how little 
 he was in earneft. It was attacked, however, from the Pul- 
 pit on all Sides, except from Mr. Orator Henley, who delivered 
 an Elogium on its Author, remarking at the fame Time, that 
 he had not advanced his ftrongeft Arguments, for which, 
 however, his Sagacity being at fault, he could not ac- 
 count
 
 Root up Religion, cancel Good and Evi/, 
 At Butcher-Row, the Queen? s-drms> or the Devil 180 
 
 They 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Line 180. At Butcher-Row, the Queer!; Arms, or the DeviL] 
 Places where a Company of People meet together to difpute 
 on the feveral Topics of Religion, Government, Trade, &c. 
 Every Perfon, in his Turn, having the Liberty of fpeaking a 
 Hated Time, as much, or as little to the Purpofe as he 
 
 pleafes. S\t Alexander Draiucanfir has fallen under a grofs 
 
 Miftake, in fuppofing the former of thefe Societies to have 
 fubfifted fome Ages ago ; which, confidering his Account is 
 fo juft, in other Refpedls, is a little furprifing. It is true he 
 might be led into this Error, from the many abfurd Opinions 
 and obfolete Expreffions they make ufe of; but certain it is, 
 it has not exifted many Years, and doth flill exift, the 
 Fragments he has got verbatim are, however, really curious, 
 one of which I cannot help inferting here. 
 
 'the Delate whether Religion mas of ufe to Society. 
 
 * A worthy Member on this Occafion got up, and fpoke 
 
 thus. 
 
 " T Ham of Upinion, that Relidgin can be of no youfe to 
 * -^ any mortal Sole ; bycaufe as why, Relidgin is no youfe 
 " to Trayd ; and if Relidgin be of no youfe to Trayd, how 
 " ist youfefool to Sofyaty. Now nobody can deny, but that 
 " a Man maye kary on his Trayd very wel without Relid- 
 " gin; nay, and beter two, for then he may wurk won 
 
 Day
 
 ['59 3 
 
 They faw their Bards and Critics all appear : 
 Dull Rolty long-fteep'd in Sedgeley's nut-brown Beer : 
 
 K<nrick 9 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 " Day in a Wik mor than at prefent ; whereof nobody can 
 *' faye but the feven is mor than fix : Be/ides, if we haf no 
 *' Relidgin we lhali have no Pairfuns, and that will be a 
 ' grate Savin to the Sofyaty ; and it is a Makfum in Trayd, 
 " that a Peny faved is a Peny got." 
 
 COVENT-GARDEN JOURNAL, No. 8. 
 
 Line 182. Dull Rolf, long fteep'd in Sedgely'j tiut-lrowta 
 Beer.~\ Mr, Rolf, Author of the Wejlminjler Journal, in which 
 our Author, in the fame Sentence with Mr. Fielding^ had 
 been treated with Abufe : Likewife of feveral Poems and 
 Pamphlets now forgotten, fuch as the Rojciad, Cambria, the 
 Theatrical ConteJ}, A Reply to Mr. Fielding'j Difcourfe on Roll- 
 beries, a Monody on the Death of the Prince, and the Gojfij?$ 
 Chronicle in the Old Woman's Magazine. Our Author, with 
 much Jaftice, has joined in the fame Line Ben Sedgely, of 
 Temple-Bar, fomefimes the Father of Mr. Rolfs Pieces, and 
 who is very proud of being efteemed an Author, placing 
 himfelf much higher than his Predeceffor Ward, a Publican 
 celebrated in the Dunciad, tho' not pofleffed of even half 
 his Talents. Ben being really a very dull Fellow, and re- 
 markable for nothing but emptying a Tankard. 
 
 ANON.
 
 [ifo] 
 
 1 
 
 Kenrick, whofe fing-fong Verfe the Ladies chufe, 
 More honoui'd by his Wenches than his Mufe : 
 
 Derrick 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Line 183. Kenrick.'] A very young Poet, and a Pretender 
 
 to almoft all kinds of Writing. It is the Misfortune of 
 
 this Youth, that, unlefs he finifhes what he goes about in a 
 Day or two, the World never fee it afterwards. He publifh- 
 cd a Monody on the Death of the late Prince, dedicated to 
 
 the Countefs of Middle/ex. His anonymous Pieces are 
 
 numerous, and on various Subjects. He wrote the two Ef- 
 fays onjhe Immortality of the Soul, concerning which, fee 
 Note on Line 1 74. Alfo many other Difquifitions for the 
 Exercife of his Pen, and to amufe the Dabblers in Argu- 
 ment. His Old Woman's Dunciad is an extraordinary In- 
 
 ftance of that Impetuofity of Genius, which, tho' redounding 
 
 little to his Honour, is very offenfive to his Adverfaries. 
 
 Mr. Smart having advertifed an Old Woman's Dunciad, and 
 given out that this Writer would mare the Benefit of his 
 Satire, he immediately wrote that Piece, and publimed it 
 under the fame Title. After which Mr. Smart never profe- 
 
 cuted his Defign of publifhing his Poem. He is alfo the 
 
 Author of innumerable poetical, philofophical, and political 
 Pieces, difperfed up and down in the News-Papers and Ma- 
 gazines. It is no Wonder, however, he fhould be fo inde- 
 fatigable a Writer, as he is perhaps the only one that never 
 takes any Pains.
 
 [ifii ] 
 
 Derrick made fine with Gentleman's lac'd Coat, 185 
 Ah ! wherefore foiPd by Murphy's cruel Foot ! 
 yones who intends to live at ColUy's Death, 
 So waits the good old Laureat's parting Breath j 
 
 Has 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Line 185. DERRICK made fm with GENTLEMAN'/ lafd 
 Coat.] Mr. Derrick and Mr. Gentleman, both Players and 
 Poets. The former, Author of the Dramatic Cenfor, a very 
 modeji Work, in which the Errors and Inaccuracies of all our 
 beft Poets were to be pointed out. The latter, Author of 
 Sejanus, a Tragedy, never afted ; Fortune, a Rhapfody, and 
 forne other Pieces ; particularly Qfman, aTragedy, in ManG- 
 fcript. 
 
 Line 186. By Murphy 'j cruel Foot.] An Irijhman that has 
 kicked me, fays Mr. Derrick. It feems this Gentleman, who 
 fometimes amufes himfelf with the Pen, thinking Mr. D. 
 unworthy his Refentment, as an xA.uthor, difciplin'd him in 2 
 manner a little too rough for his Conftitution. 
 
 Line i 87. Jones, who dejigns, &c.] a Poet, who addrefled 
 
 the Earl of C- d, when Lord-Lieutenant of Ireland, in. 
 
 a Copy of Verfes, which obtained him the Favour of that 
 Nobleman, who brought him over to England. He publifh- 
 ed here a Poem on feeing the late Prince of Wales'^ Piclure, 
 of which the Publick took little Notice. A Tragedy alfd 
 of this Gentleman's, called, The Earl of Efjex, has been lonjj 
 expefted on the Stage.
 
 [16* 1 
 
 Has made tiis^TkreHody, 'gainft Fate fhall end him ; 
 'Caufe Gibber to the Bayes did recommend him : 190 
 Tho' here the Laureates Policy is known : 
 Worfe Odes the better will fet off his own : 
 Mac kiln religious, Render fan polite, 
 Woodward^ The. Cibber., and the Mimes that write : 
 With thefe, droll Howard r , and laborious Shiells 195 
 With Mobs of Boys and Parfons at their Heels : 
 
 Saw 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Line 190. To the Bayes did recommend him.} Mr. Ciller, in 
 a late Illnefs, wrote a Letter warmly recommending him to 
 the Laurel, expeding hourly his own Diflblution, which 
 Epiftle the honourable Perfonage, to whom it was addrefled, 
 efteemed, as it really was,, a remarkable Inftance of the 
 Laureat's Greatnefs of Mind and extraordinary Merit. 
 
 Line 193. Macklin religious, &c.] Mr. Macklin, a famou* 
 Player, and Author, particularly celebrated for his Ha- 
 rangues on religious Subjects, at the Oratory of the Robin- 
 Hood. 
 
 Line 193. Hcnderfon polite.} Author of an Hiftory of the 
 late Rebellian in Scetland, and a Tragedy never afted. 
 
 Line 195. Droll Howard.] Harry Honuard, an Author and 
 Humourift, well known at the Routs and Aflemblies of Old- 
 Sir eet and Broad St. Giles's. 
 
 Line 195, Laborious Shiells.] Author of the Daily Gazet- 
 teer ; fbme Time ago, Amanuenfis to Mr. Jobnfon. He is 
 alfo Author of Man-iage t a poetical Eflay, and many other 
 
 anony-
 
 Saw O y, without Excufe for Bread, 
 
 Rake up the facred Afhes of the Dt ;.d, 
 
 Traduce the Mem'ry of his once-lov'd Friend, 
 
 And brand the honour'd Name he ihould defend : 20O 
 
 Saw fcribbling Stationers, and link'd with thofe, 
 
 The Sons of Novel and poetic Profe ; 
 
 Long-winded Richardfon, with Sm-llet join'd, 
 
 D y and Crockat puffing in the Wind ; 
 
 With flattern Females traipfing up and down, 205 
 Searching Adventures, to amufe the Town : 
 Saw puerile Harvey on a Cock-horfe ride j 
 
 With 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 anonymous Pieces ; alfo a great Orator at the Butcher- 
 Row. 
 
 Line 197. Lord O-ry'a Life of Swiff. 
 
 Line 203. Sm-llet join'd.] Author of Rodtrick Random, 
 Peregrine Pickle y the Regicide, a Tragedy, and feveral Tran- 
 flations. 
 
 Line 204. D y and Crockat.'] Mr. D y, Author of 
 
 feveral dramatic Pieces. A Man of fome Ingenuity, but 
 more lucky in his Defigns, than able to execute them. 
 W--r~rn, f vi e va voce, 
 
 Line 207. Saw puerile Harvey on a Cock-horfe ride.} Mr. 
 Harvey, Author of Meditations and Contemplations, a very 
 Jkrid Piece. 
 
 Y 2
 
 [i6 4 ] 
 
 With Gibbons, Boyce, and fifty more befide 
 
 The bawdy-fcribbling Knight, the preaching Lord, 
 
 And what the Stews, the Shops, and Stalls afford. 210 
 
 All thefe the Sifter Queens, with Joy confefs'd, 
 For lo ! their Eflence glow'd in ev'ry Bread ! 
 But Pertnefs faw her Form diftin&ly fhinq 
 In none, Immortal Hill, fo full as thine. 
 Drinking thy Morning Chocolate in Bed, 215 
 
 She faw thy Daphne's Neck fupport thy Head, 
 Saw thee flip on thy Night-gown and retire 
 To mufe profoundly by thy Parlour Fire : 
 By turns thy Slippers dangling on thy Toe's ; 
 Slippers that never were difgrac'd from Shoes ! 220 
 Saw where thy Learning, in huge Volumes flood, 
 Part letter'd Sheep, Part gilt and painted Wood ; 
 Whese thy lov'd Antients in Diforder lay, 
 Daily perus'd, for Mottos for the Day ; 
 
 Thy 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Line 20$. Gibbons md Boyce.] Mr. Gibbons, by fome called 
 a fecond Dr. Watts. See his Juvenilia. 
 
 BOYCE, a fecond DUCK, according to the Infpefar. He 
 has wrote a Comedy, a ftrange Piece.
 
 [ -65 ] 
 
 Thy 0-y/V, Horace, and thyfav'rite Tulty, 22$ 
 
 Thy dinfworth, Bailey^ and thy well-thumb'd Lilly. 
 Saw where thy Maggots, in whole Myriads, rife, 
 Or in thy Brain, or in thy dear Dirt-pies. 
 
 When 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Line 225. Thy Ainfworth, Bailey, and thy well-thumb* d 
 Lilly.] It will feem fom-ething flrange, that our Author 
 mould join thefe Moderns fo unluckily with the Ancients ; 
 as it is impoffible he fhould himfelf be fo ignorant; and 
 very unlikely the learned Perfonage he addreffes fhould know 
 no better ; fmce he himfelf remarks on illiterate Scribblers. 
 " We mall fee the modern EfTayift, who has hardly Gram- 
 *' mar enough to arrive at Concord, larding every other 
 " fentence with feme Tranfcript, from an Author it is im- 
 " poflible he fhould have read, not becaufe it is neceflary, 
 but becaufe it is Greek, for what he has been faying in 
 " Englijb" 
 
 It is true, a certain writer, who pretended to take off, or 
 copy the Doctor's Writings exa&ly, did quote Lilly, and 
 paum'd the Paffage upon Virgil ; but it is impoffible to fup- 
 pofe an Author, who could cenfure others in the manner 
 above-quoted, fhould be guilty of fuch Forgery. 
 
 SCHOLIAST. 
 
 Line 227. Dear Dirt -pies.] Dirt-pies, the Preparations for 
 engendering Animalcule.
 
 [166 ] 
 
 When thus the Goddefs tf May-Fair befpokc 
 Her royal Sifter. Gentle Sifter, look, 230 
 
 See where my Son, who gratefully repays 
 Whate'er I lavifh'd on his younger Days. 
 Whom ftill my Arm protects to brave the Town, 
 Secure from Fielding^ Machiavel^ or Brown ; 
 
 Whom 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Line 234. Machiawl, or Brown.'] Our Author feems here 
 to hint at the Plot carried on laft Summer at Ranelagb, in 
 which Mr. Brown was the principal Perfon concerned. 
 Hear the Account of the Diligence ufed in dete&ing the 
 Contrivers. 
 
 " Warrants were iflued out on Wednefday Night from 
 *' Mr. Juftice Lediard, and early on Tkurfday Morning from 
 " the Right Honourable the Lord-Mayor, for apprehending 
 " all the Perfons concerned with Mr. Brown in the AiTault 
 " upon Dr. Hill, on Wednefday Night in the Paflage at Ra- 
 *' nelagb. The Officers have been ever fmce in fearch after 
 " them, but none of them are yet taken. Yefterday, at 
 ' Noon, the Marflwls of the Lord-Mayer entered the Cham- 
 " bers which fome Gentleman had lent to Brown in the 
 " Temple : But he efcaped the Search, by concealing him- 
 " felf in a Coal-hole: About ten laft Night he was feen to 
 " go out muffled up in a Great-coat, and with a Handker- 
 " chief tied over his Face. Notice was immediately fent to 
 the City, and the proper Officers are polled to wait his 
 
 ' Return.
 
 [i6 7 ] 
 
 Whom Rage nor Sword e'er mortally fhall hurt. 235 
 Chief of an hundred Chiefs o'er all the Pert / 
 
 Refcu'd 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 " Return. The Servants df the Chambers, while he lay m 
 " the Coal-hole, pretended he had early made his Efcape, 
 *' and was by that Time far enough out of Reach. Such 
 " Meafures are now taken, that it will not be eafy either 
 " for him, or any of the reft to get off, unlefs they have 
 " already anticipated the Sentence of the Law by a volun- 
 " tary Banifhment. It would be well if the Police of Parts 
 11 were imitated here, and Accounts were taken of thofe who 
 " make the Appearance, or fbmething which they intend. 
 " mall be like the Appearance of Gentlemen, with no vi- 
 fible Way of living." H~ll. 
 
 There were fome People, however, who, knowing the 
 Confequence of this illuftrious Perfonage r imagined the 
 Scheme for depriving this Kingdom of his Pen and Sen-ices, 
 much deeper laid than was generally thought, and that, not- 
 withftanding the trivial Pretence of a private Quarrel, the 
 Politicians of the French King's Cabinet were no Strangers to 
 the Procefs of this Plot. This will appear very plaufible, if 
 we reflect how, on a particular Occafion, the great Mr.Dea- 
 xis was difturbed by a French Privateer, hovering about the 
 Coaft of Suffex, in order to take him for writing a Pamphlet 
 againft the Intereft of that Court. How the Doftor was of- 
 fended at his Chriftian Majefty, or whether it be not out of 
 Envy to this Kingdom itfelf, that this Plot was laid againft 
 its Infpeflor-General, I can't determine.
 
 [168 j 
 
 Refcu'd an Orphan Babe from Csmmsn-Senfe 9 
 
 1 gave his Mother's Milk to Confidence ; 
 
 She, with her own Ambrojia^ bronz'd his Face, 
 
 And chang'd his Skin to monumental Brafs : 240 
 
 This Shame oiWit^ fuccefslefs, fhall oppofe, 
 
 Unlefs, fo will the Fates, they feize his Nofc. 
 
 This lueklefs Part the young Achilles lick'd, 
 
 And tho' he cannot blu{h, he may be kick'd : 
 
 Yet ftill his Pen provokes the Fates' Decree, 24^ 
 
 In Scandal dipt, and elemental Tea ; 
 
 Still he rails on, and, when attack'd, replies, 
 
 Recants his own, and blabs his Neighbour's Lies ; 
 
 Or, 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Line 248. Recants his own, and Hals his Neighbours Lies."] 
 It is moft furprizing the Incredulity of Mankind, that the 
 Word of anonymous Authors fhould be taken before a Man's 
 own Hand-writing. Dr. H is accufed of being a great 
 Liar, nay, this Opinion has fo far prevailed, that his own 
 Acknowledgment of finding himfelf in an Error, has been 
 thus cenfured in an Epigram. 
 
 What H--11 one Day fays, he the next does deny, 
 And candidly tells you, 'tis all a damn'd Lie : 
 Dear Do flor, this Candour from you is not wanted 'j 
 For why jheu'dyou own it ? 'tis taken for granted. 
 
 Now
 
 Or, guiltlefs of Defign, as Madmen fight, 
 
 Falls foul on Friencls or Foes, or wrong or right; 250 
 
 Humane to fpare when forc'd himfelf to run, 
 
 As G-pe once fav'd the grateful Mother's Son. 
 
 Such 
 
 ANNOTATIONS. 
 
 Now rHc Doftor himfelf fays, There is no Vice fo univtrfally 
 detffted as falfehocd, and takes for the Motto of his Paper, 
 
 'juvenal's ConfeJJion. I know not ho<w to tell a Lie. Surely, 
 
 furely, thofe who thus accufe the Doftor muft be miftaken, 
 or the Doftor muft ftrangely miftake his own Talents and 
 
 Abilitiw ' SCHOLIAST. 
 
 Line 251. Humane to /pare, &c.] It is certainly the mod 
 convenient thing in Life to make a Virtue of Neceflity, and 
 Conclude, when it is out of our Power to revenge, there it 
 not any thing fo virtuous, as to forgive an Injury. 
 
 INSPECTOR, No. 553. 
 
 Line 252. As C-fe prefers* J the grateful Mother's Son.] A 
 grave Lady of the Order of Mendicants, craving Charity of 
 General C-fe, to excite his Liberality, pleaded her Gratitude 
 for Favours received, and poured Bleffings on him for being 
 the Preferver of her Son's Life. On which the General had 
 Curiofity enough to enquire who her Son was, and how he 
 could be inftrumental in faving his Life. Ah ! God blefs 
 your Honour, returned fhe, 'when you ran away at Preflon- 
 Pans, my Boy ran after you, or he would certainly have betn 
 
 "' EDINBURGH TOWN-TALK,
 
 [I 7 0] 
 
 Such is his Pen, and fuch this Son of mine, 
 Then (hed thy Opium, and adopt him thine j 
 Let him exalted o'er our Empire reign, 255 
 
 From Shepherd' s-Market e'en to Rofemary-lane : 
 Tibbald detliron'd, thy Dunciad Reign is o'er, 
 Thy Gildon^ and thy Toland, are no more. 
 
 Thus fpoke the Queen, and paufmg for Reply, 
 Her Sifter roll'd her broad, lack-luftre Eye, 260 
 
 And thus return'd. O Pertnefs ! Goddefs ! Queen! 
 With whofe my Reign has e'er confiftent been, 
 O had thy Thought anticipated mine ! 
 So witnefs Jove I honour thy Defign ! 
 My Opium then had fill'd his fhallow Skull, 265 
 
 And all the pert had bow'd with all the dull. 
 But fee my darling Son, whom I have chofen, 
 Chief of my Chiefs among an hundred Dozen y 
 With Cyder muddled, or infpir'd with Bub, 
 In Netvb'ry's Garret, or in Henly's Tub, 27* 
 
 With Coachmen, Coblers, and fuch dainty Folks, 
 For Mugs of Porter, pun and crack his Jokes ; 
 In facred Verfe, at my own Cambridge rife, 
 Write by himfelf and bear from all the Prize j 
 As oft poor Jack his Brother Wit hath done, 275 
 Ran for a Wager with himfelf, and won : 
 
 For
 
 t'7' 1 
 
 For him the regal Sceptre I defign, 
 As worthy thy diftinguifh'd Love as mine. 
 Me, he confefs'd, tho' nurs'd by Common Senfe, 
 Tho' Wit and Genius held him in Sufpenfe, 28* 
 
 Thy Hill, from Gratitude, obeys thy Laws, 
 My Smart, from Love and Rev'rence to our Caufe : 
 Yet, that due Merit meet its due Renown, 
 That he who beft deferves may wear the Crown, 
 Nor thefe our darling Chiefs, from partial Care, 285 
 The higheft Honours of our Empire fhare, 
 Let all our Sons, in Emulation, rife ; 
 And he who moft atchieves fhall claim the Victor's 
 Prize. 
 
 Line 282. My Smart, &c.] Mr. Smart, a Perfon of real 
 and great Genius. 
 
 INSPECTOR, No. 350. 
 
 It is true, Mr. Infpetfor gives another Account in ibme 
 fucceeding Papers of this real and great Genius, concerning 
 which, fee Notes on our fecond Book, 
 
 THE END,
 
 f tj ^'^t ///* 7 

 
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