i THE MAISON DE SHINE THE Maison de Shine MORE STORIES OF THE ACTORS' BOARDING HOUSE BY HELEN GREEN Author of "At the Actors' Boarding House 1 * NEW YORK B. W. DODGE & COMPANY 1908 Copyrighted, 1908, by B. W. DODGE & COMPANY Regittered at Stationer*' Ball, London (All Righto Reserved) Published October, 1908 Printed in the United States of America TO MY FRIENDS JFloreiue an* f)enrp ttfnbp THIS BOOK IS AFFECTIONATELY DEDICATED BY THE AUTHOR 2227190 CONTENTS PAOB A CHRISTMAS DINNER 1 THE CIRCUS FREAKS COME TO BOARD 25 GOLD EAGLE CHARLIE, VAUDEVILLE'S BAD MAN 42 A LONG-LOST DAUGHTER COMES TO TOWN ... 56 AN EX-HUSBAND SAVES THE EMERYS 72 THE SCENTED LETTERS 88 THE PROPERTY MAN FOILS A SUITOR 106 "THE GIRL WITHOUT BOOKING" 122 MR. MANGLE SIDESTEPS TROUBLE 141 FATE FINDS FIDO FOOD 159 THE DIVORCEES' PARTY 177 Two SALOMES RETURN TO FORMER WAYS 199 THE BOARDERS Go RACING 216 MRS. TRIPPIT GETS BACK AT JOHNNY 239 THE DANCING TRIPPITS AGAIN A TEAM 257 THE LANDLADY'S BENEFIT 277 THE MAISON DE SHINE (Further Adventures at the Actors' Boarding-House) "WITH meat'n vegitabbles high an* aigs at the prices now prevailing it's enough to drive a party off their dip," said Mrs. Maggie de Shine. Her two houses, thrown into one, in Irving Place, were the home of vaudeville. "Topliners" whose pay was $1,000 a week might occupy the "bridal suite," and next these stars of the va- rieties the "three-a-day-turn" dwelt in a hum- bler hall room. It was the busy season, and the rooms were full. Still the landlady had her fretful moments, as a woman of great cares must. "I'm wore out by dopin' these here prob- lems," she continued wearily. "Is it a won- der?" " Yessum, it's a true word," agreed Susy, the slavey. "Will we be havin' turkey fer Chris '- mus ? ' ' i 2 THE MAISON DE SHINE "That's what's worryin' me," admitted her employer, "fur them that settles reg'lar will expect sech things, an' the rest what's not pay- in' can't be kep' away from the table without puttin' 'em out of the house altogether. It's suttenly sumpin' what'd distress any one. But buyin' turkey fur the hull bunch jest can't be did that's all. "The Mangles Three is behind, an' yet they're workin', but she come an' said that fixin' a tree fur little Minnie had tuck all the spare money. Yet where does Maggie de Shine git off at ? " Susy, being most discreet, kept up a sympa- thetic mumble. "It ain't no wonder that hotels is bustin' every day," said her employer plaintively, * ' when yuh see plainly how ungrateful boarders kin be. I wonder how this Chris 'mus celebra- tion kin be brung off! It's suttenly got me wingin'." Susy wiped off the fly-specked photographs which were ranged along the sideboard's top shelf. They were of vaudevillians of two genera- tions, and all had left the congenial home of Maggie de Shine in good financial standing. On the edge of the sideboard lay a dusty newspaper clipping. She looked at it. As she perused it she grinned. A CHRISTMAS DINNER 3 "Say, Mis' de Shine," said the sagacious maid, "lookit! Here's a scheme. I'm readin' about the Canadian Camp givin' a dinner with all sorts o' strange things that nobody knowed what they was made of on the table." "Yes, they had nothin' better 'n an old bum tiger from Injy, ' ' said the landlady disgustedly, "an' callin' it 'Fanny Adams.' Ain't they the silly outfit? Yuh bet, we got better chuck right here than they had, if I'm ast, which I persume I am not." "Listen!" said Susy. "What's the matter with us doin' that same tiger stunt? Jest pre- tend we got sumpin' wonderful from a long ways off, an' name it queer. It kin be pork'n beans, fer all they'll know. See?" "An' let the guests make guesses?" cried Mrs. de Shine, her fancy traveling speedily at this suggestion. "Susy, yuh got a wonderful brain on yuh, an' I'll give yuh my noo orange silk petticoat when I'm through with it." Susy betrayed little disappointment at the de- lay in receiving a gift of such dubious value, for Mrs. de Shine exacted much from her assistant, but gave scantily in return. "I'll work that up grand," decided the land- lady joyfully. "We won't git no turkey fer no one now. Oh, what a relief it is to think them butcher bills won't be mountin' higher an' high- 4 THE MAISON DE SHINE er ! I '11 retire to my bowdoor an ' figger the hull thing out, I dunno when I've been so pleased. Oh! ef Stingem an' Gitt comes in, say I wish to speak to 'em. They gotta come acrost this evenin'." She called Fido, the fat white poodle, who waddled after her. Seated within the cramped confines of her private quarters, Mrs. de Shine thoughtfully regarded her pet, who discourte- ously yawned back at her. She smiled after five minutes of meditation. Fido, eying her, barked, being falsely impressed with the idea that he was about to receive some especial delicacy. "Mommer's got it, baby dawg," said she. "Sure's yer a foot high, Fido, dolling, I know what to do, an' it's one swell scheme. We'll have roast laig of young Noo Zealand kangaroo an* Lydia Thompson en casserole. I'll call the mystery that, seein' as I was first in the busi- ness with Lydia 's All-Blonde Burlesquers. An* we'll have it comin' from the Sandwich Islands, 'cause that sounds sorta like food anyway." A timid knock sounded. Messrs. Stingem and Gitt, an accomplished acrobatic team, entered at her bidding. Mr. Gitt was an altitudinous young man, who did the comedy in their act. Upon the stage he was extremely gay and hu- morous. He "kidded" stage hands with brutal A CHRISTMAS DINNER 5 candor, and spared no person from his quips ex- cept Mrs. de Shine. He feared her. " ' course yuh got the coin f er my little bill, Mista Gitt?" she inquired coldly. "I we well, I tell you, Mis' de Shine," said he hurriedly. "Now, we was expectin' ten weeks 'round New York on the United time, an' then when Harris takes over some of the bookin's it's nothin' doin'. See?" "We could go play the Orpheum Cirkit," in- terrupted Mr. Stingem, gently stepping on his partner's foot, "but you know how a guy feels about leavin' the big town, don't you?" "His feelin's I know nothing whatever about, young gelmun," she replied; "know nothin' an' care nothin'. It's jest this: Are yuh comin' in to-day, or is this here cheap bluff the best I git again?" Stingem and Gitt began to talk at the same instant. They endeavored to appeal to her sense of humor, and later got down to pitiful plead- ing. "Yer both wearin' jewelry," said she ju- dicially; "go'n hock it, then. Abs'lutely, sum- pin's gotta be done. Yer wastin' time by hand- in' me this talk. I desire what's owin' to me. Do I git it?" Mr. Stingem guiltily turned his pretty dia- 6 THE MA1SON DE SHINE mond ring so that the offensive glitter of the stone might not drive her to a further exhibi- tion of petulance. He had great confidence in Mr. Gitt's powers of persuasion, and really re- garded the business in hand as a jest. But his partner did not. It would be idle to try any of the usual excuses upon her, so, sadly and with hesitation, he informed her that Stingem and Gitt would pay. They did. Mrs. de Shine counted the money and secreted it in her stocking, in which capacious receptacle she carried the day's receipts. "What'd you give her all of it for?" queru- lously asked Mr. Stingem when they were climb- ing upstairs. "My boy, it was a case of must, that's all," returned the other. * * You had only to take one peek at that old doll 's face. I took the look, and I slipped her. Believe me, it was best. This way we may gain her complete confidence. ' ' "Well, we stalled all the others along the line," said Mr. Stingem pessimistically. "I think you're losin' your grip, Joe. You didn't put up nothin' like the strong spiel I thought you would. ' ' Henry Yodell, second tenor of the Chillicothe Comedy Four, was the first boarder to mention Christmas and turkey at dinner that evening. "I s'pose it'll be great doin's, eh?" said he A CHRISTMAS DINNER 7 cheerfully. "Save me some o' the white meat if we have to close the show that mat 'nee an' I'm late comin' home." "I wanna laig!" shouted Little Minnie Man- gle, the Child Wonder, " 'n' I'm goin' to git it, ain' I, pop? I wanna laig'n wing 'n' all the breast. I wisht it was now, 'cause I don' like no old corn beef an' cabbige." "I am sure that Mrs. de Shine will not neglect you, precious, ' ' said Mrs. Mangle. ' * Personally, I am fond of that portion of the great American domestic bird known as the second joint." "Gimme any old part of him, an' I'm satis- fied," the Property Man said. "That's me. I ain't a kicker, but I sure like my turkey." Mrs. de Shine was silent until general atten- tion appeared to be centered upon her. Vivian Vanberg, who presented a toe dance and a Bowery characterization in Snooks and Vanberg 's great laughing sketch, "On the Bow- ery," voiced the sentiment of those present. "Of course we'll have turkey?" she asked pointedly. Mrs. de Shine smiled upon them all. The boarders, assuming their stage expressions, used in taking bows from behind the footlights, smiled back at her. "Well, no, they won't be turkey," she an- swered bravely. 8 THE MAISON DE SHINE The smiles departed, but hers remained. "We got sumpin' better 'n turkey, ladies an' gents," she added. "Canvasback duck!" shouted Johnny Trip- pit, the "World's Champion Buck Dancer." "Is it?" "The Maisong de Shine," said its proprie- tress easily, "ain't goin' to let no one git any- thing on it fur bein' different. In vodeville the acts what is the biggest knockouts is celebrated fur which, may I astf " "Stoo?" inquired Susy, busily serving the hungry throng. Their interest in the landlady's remarks made certain announced enemies of the ever-recurring stew neglect to make special men- tion of their abhorrence of it. "Speakin' of headlinin' bills, I guess we come as near coppin' a prize as anybody," said Mr. Mangle tranquilly. " 'Mangles Three, increased to four. Later, maybe more. ' That 's our billin ' matter, 'cause we're sendin' to Louiser's folks fer the baby, an' he'll be here soon. Pretty swell stuff, ain't it I" "William!" rebuked Mrs. Mangle, in woman- ly confusion, "how can you? Really, I am very much surprised." "Kiddin' again, are you?" retorted Mr. Man- gle prankishly. "It gits many a laugh, jest the A CHRISTMAS DINNER 9 same. An' who cares what they say about you, s 'long's they say sumpin"?" " Exactly," said the landlady. "Yuh mean how originality's everything, Mista Mangle. An' sech is gotta be the repitation of the Masong de Shine. Hence, seein' as the Canadian Camp give a banquet, keepin' secret the real cheese fur that night, so will be did in my own modest menangy. . "Boarders is give one guess each, an' the one comin' nearest to what 'Lydia Thompson' rally is will receive, ef a gelmun, a shavin' cup used in a comedy scene in Pastor's fust road show; an' ef a lady, she'll drawr a autograph pitcher of Gawge Primrose, left here by a end man who tuck the rope route getaway fur his." "Splendid!" approved Mrs. Mangle. "It is charmingly novel. And where does Lydia Thompson come from?" "What's the ideer of givin' a burlesque mon- aker to it?" jealously inquired Johnny Trippit. "Sorter slightin' vodderveel, ain't you?" "It's named fur the fust comp'ny what Mag- gie de Shine graced, Johnny," exclaimed the landlady, "an' I fail to see how any boarder kin have a beef comin' on that score. I may say right out that we'll have laig of Noo Zealand kangaroo, imported direct. Lydia Thompson's comin' from the Sandwich Islands." 10 THE MAISON DE SHINE "Some ball team's playing there, hey!" said the property man. "Will it keep till it gits here ? ' ' "Suttenly," she replied indulgently. "Well, is the boarders satisfied?" Praise from every side was given. Little Minnie Mangle was urged by her intelligent ma- ternal parent to get out her natural history, and in its pages search for a reproduction of the kangaroo. "I'm readin' Mista Merger's 'Bohemians,' demurred little Minnie, "an' I d' want to look in no old history, 'cause I'm a actress, an' ain't gotta go to school no more. Is I, pop?" "You know more right now than you'd find out in school," said Mr. Mangle. "Sure you ain't." "I don't keer fer animal books, anyway," said Minnie, * ' 'cause them are fur kids. I wisht I was a big lady, an' I'd have more Johns buyin' me joolry. Wouldn't I, pop?" "An' they better not hand you no phoneys, neither," declared Mr. Mangle zealously, "not while your pop's 'round to git the stones tested. You're growin'." "Soon's I'm rull big," prattled little Minnie, "I'm go in' to work single, an' pop an' mom- mer's jest goin' 'round with me, an' not do noth- ing ain't you, pop?" A CHRISTMAS DINNER 11 ' ' Sure, ' ' agreed Mr. Mangle. "That family are revolting to me," observed Mrs. Pango, wife of Gus Pango, the banjoist. ' ' I knew Louisa Mangle before she ever thought that she'd be playin' two a day. Ten a week and cakes was a fine salary for her ; and her hus- band, Professor Humbuginini, the strong man, was even worse than Mangle. I know her his- tory, and well does she know that I do.'* "Mommer, Mis' Pango 's crackin' at your oth- er husbing ! ' ' cried little Minnie valiantly. "Ladies," said Mrs. de Shine firmly, "not one word ! Let it be peace on earth, an' can all this here argyment. They ain't nothin' into it." Mrs. Pango and Mrs. Mangle left the room, muttering. Later the sound of female voices, pitched in a high key, was heard from the third floor, where both resided. Mrs. de Shine per- mitted that engagement to proceed without in- terference. One could not always referee con- tests between the boarders. Boldly she settled upon the meat which was to be labeled "kangaroo." It should be the cheapest cut of mutton extant, and any lack of flavor and tenderness must be blamed upon the phantom animal that in life had been the dish upon which they dined. It would be roasted, and served with a variety of vegetables, with a plenitude of bread and butter, pickled beets, 12 THE MAISON DE SHINE and soup, which filling articles were always pro- vided in seemingly careless profusion at the Maison de Shine's table d'hote. After deciding upon the kangaroo, "Lydia Thompson" must next be selected. This was an undertaking which demanded more care and delicacy than the kangaroo. What should she use? Susy was consulted. "Why, we could have fish," said Susy. "Them'd be fine. How do they know what kind of fish them Sandwich Island got?" "That's right," said the landlady, "they don 't. We '11 call it the jumpin ' sharkerino ' ' "But sharks ain't good eatin'," objected Susy; "nobody '11 touch 'em. Why don't you make it a sea otter? Their hides is worth a couple of thousand bones each, an' if the skins is so dear the insides oughter be, too." "The sea otter from the Sandwich Islands," repeated Mrs. de Shine, "yes, that'll do. What would yuh s 'pose might taste like one of 'em ? ' ' "I never et one," confessed Susy artlessly, "but I got an idea. Minks must be near like otters. ' ' "Well, my goodness, yuh can't git no live minks ! ' ' exclaimed the landlady fretfully. "Ah, but they never et no minks, neither," said the resourceful slavey cunningly. "If we A CHRISTMAS DINNER 13 git rabbits, an' hide the skins, how they goin' to find out? That clippin' said how Fanny Ad- ams come in a funny box, all smellin' of spices an' so on. I guess we're as good at fixin' an Injun-lookin' box as anybody." "Is it Injuns in them islands?" asked Mrs. de Shine doubtfully. * Ain 't it dinges ? ' ' "Injuns an' dinges, too," answered Susy carefully. She was resolved that her fitness for the position of confidential adviser should not be assailed. "Figger out how many we need, an' don't breathe a word to a soul," counseled the land- lady. "We jest got to be mum as the grave about this, fer it'd be tur 'ble ef ever it should git out." Susy bade her chief have no fear. No one should ever learn their guilty secret. The Property Man, three days before Christ- mas, developed an embarrassing desire for in- formation. "I'm deep sea," he pleaded, "lemme in on this gag. Aw, you ain't got no kangaroo, on the level ? If you have, give us a flash at it. ' ' "I kinnot," cried the harried landlady; "now cease, Mista Johnson! The feat will be brang off as billed, an' yuh got no right to be buttin* in like yer doin'." "All right," he threatened gaily, "you'll wish you had, Maggie. Say! if you don't tell, I'm 14 goin' to bring some meat of my own. An' it'll have yours skinned a block. See if it don 't. ' ' "I'm sure I don't care," she said. "I'd be glad to git it, these tough times. Bring on yer old meat, ef yuh wanta, Mista Johnson, but jest yuh keep out of this kitching. Now mind that. Susy, don't let him in the door." "He's nosin' 'round, an' gigglin' the hull time," reported Susy, much disturbed. "He come in the back door to-night, an' stuck 'round till I jest up an' says he's got to git out." "Darn his hide, ef he ain't perf'ly dretful!" said the landlady irritably. "He needn't think I'm foolin'. Fust thing, he'd tattle it all over, an' our repitation'd be simply ruint as the Wal- dorf of the perfessional penshuns. Hit him if yuh gotta, but see to it that he's kep' where he b 'longs. Men is all that snoopin' that they'd oughta be licked, anyway. ' ' ' ' You bet they are, ' ' said Susy. On Christmas eve, between shows at the thea- ter where he worked, the property man was busy. He opened a window which led from Johnny Trippit's "first floor rear" room, and quietly emerged upon the wide sill. Trippit, inside, had fastened a rope securely around the bed. The Property Man slid down this rope, and found himself in the yard. From where he stood, in a deep shadow, he could gaze 15 through the steam-covered kitchen windows and discern the cook and Susy. They were skinning some sort of animal. He discovered a mound of the animals set in a dish- pan. * ' Rabbits ! " he chuckled. ' ' Kin you beat it ? That's 'Lydia Thompson,' or I'm a goat, an' I know I ain't. Fine for the lilies! I got her now. ' ' Mrs. de Shine entered the kitchen and held converse with her two slaves. She inspected the rabbits, and apparently approved of them. Susy laughed as her mistress swung a rabbit to and fro by its short legs. The Property Man laughed also, but for a dif- ferent reason. He whistled. Trippit peered out, and his friend signaled that he was ready to ascend to safety. The noise made by the prop- erty man was heard by those in the kitchen. The landlady, with the cook and Susy, came out, looked about suspiciously, and asked one another whence the sound had come. The prop- erty man, with Trippit, snickered as, in the dark- ened room, they listened to the gabbling of the kitchen corps. "It's rabbits," whispered the property man. "It is!" Trippit, in scorn, sniffed disgusted- ly. "Well, what's the answer, or is it a joke?" "It'll be a joke on her before your Uncle 16 THE MAISON DE SHINE Patsy 's finished, ' ' said his friend. ' ' Keep your lamps on me, pal. I got sumpin' cooked fer my lady f ren Maggie that '11 take the curl out of her front frizzes. Old Miss Fox, hey? Here's where we trim a scare into her that's due to take a coupla years ' growth off her. ' ' 1 'What '11 you do?" asked Trippit. Cautiously they lit the gas, first having pulled down the shade, fearing that Mrs. de Shine might still be in the yard. "Here 'tis," said the Property Man. He outlined a plan of action which delighted the buck dancer. Together they cackled over it. "We'll grab ourselves some grub outside," said the originator of the scheme, "then we'll be feelin' good, an' won't care what comes off. But ain't it a pippin? Just wait till you hear her yell. That's the weakest spot she kin be hit in." ' ' Serve her right, ' ' said Trippit, unrelenting. "She's a grouch an' a tightwad. But she's met her match." The boarders assembled at 6 o'clock Christ- mas night. The 1 1 second table ' ' waited hungrily in the hall. These unfortunates had been as- sured that they would receive an ample supply of "Lydia Thompson" and the New Zealand kangaroo, which caused them to remain outside A CHRISTMAS DINNER 17 with more patience than if they had suspected that the first lot of boarders would be allowed to do away with all of the prominent features of the meal. Mrs. de Shine was at the head of the table, dispensing hospitality lavishly. The Property Man and Johnny Trippit were crowded in at the opposite end. As the soup-plates were being removed a messenger was announced for Mr. Johnson by Susy. "Send him in here!" shouted the Property Man. The boy bore a platter. When he had removed a napkin they saw a great pile of fat sausages. "This," said the Property Man gravely, "is knowed in Germany as the ki-yi sassage. It's sent straight from the table of Emp'ror Will- yum, an' I ast all of you to have one wit' me. Maggie, before them fancy dishes of yours comes on will you take a sassage wit' your old pall" "Mista Johnson, I shall be most happy," she replied ceremoniously. ' ' Susy, bring plates, an' deal out Mista Johnson's present." "Merry Chris 'mas," said the donor politely. "Help yourselves." Susy gave each guest a succulent sausage. "Say! how 'bout the guesses fer 'Lydia 18 THE MAISON DE SHINE Thompson?' ' innocently asked Trippit. "Do you read 'em out ? ' ' "I got 'em here," said the landlady; "but it's after she's et that they'll be give out. Did yuh put yer guess in?" ' ' Sure, ' ' said he. * * So did Johnson. We think we'll win." Mrs. de Shine smiled confidently. The Sand- wich Islands sea otter would be beyond his fath- oming. She was not even satisfied as to the fact that such a beast really existed. As to what course she should pursue in case some one guessed ' ' rabbit, ' ' she had not thought about it. The domestic rabbits had been cleverly severed by the cook. Many condiments had been showered upon them until there was small chance of much of the original taste remaining. Therefore, she returned Trippit 's knowing stare calmly, and with such coolness that he marveled at the de- ceit of the woman. Little Minnie Mangle 's fork speared her sausage before the rest had started. "What become of Fido?" Johnny Trippit had spoken. "I s'pose my itto bitto dawgie is upstairs in his bed," said the landlady. "He's had his Chris 'mas dinner." "That was lucky," remarked the Property Man loudly. A CHRISTMAS DINNER 19 His tone held mystery. The owner of Fido turned to get a better view of his face. As she did, he leaned toward Trippit and gave utter- ance to some low-voiced jest, at which they both laughed immoderately. 1 ' Mommer, ' ' said little Minnie complainingly, "they's a hull lot of hairs in my sassage." ' ' Sorter puts color to that there old kid about killin' mutts for 'em, don't it!" said her father jovially. Then he broke the outer skin of his sausage. ' ' It 's full of hairs ! " he said. ' ' Gee ! from a sheep, I s'pose." Mrs. de Shine tested hers. So did the rest. Still the conspirators at one end of the table chuckled merrily. And they ate no sausage. "Susy!" the landlady sharply called the slavey, and whispered an order. Susy disap- peared, to return five minutes later, while the guests were indignantly bringing forth short, fuzzy, white hairs. "Not to be found, an' he ain't outside," she said in a strange, frightened manner. Mrs. de Shine suddenly fell back. Her ruddy face paled to the edge of her blondined hair. "It's Fido!" she shrieked, "my baby poodle! They've murdered him, I tell you! Killed the dolling as he slep ' ! " Trippit and his accomplice bowed their heads 20 THE MAISON DE SHINE as she pointed, with dramatic effect, at them. Horrified, the diners arose, as those in the hall burst in to ascertain the cause of the row going on in the dining-room. "They have killed my Fido!" the land- lady screeched. "Trippit!" shouted the Property Man accus- ingly, "why'd you do it? He never done naw- thin' to you, bless his heart. As nice a dorg as ever I see, too. ' ' "I ain't saw him!" retorted the Buck Dancer. "You're the guy who done it. I seen you." "He's a liar !" said the Property Man, appeal- ing to the boarders, all of whom, white and ill- looking, violently pushed their chairs from the table. Mrs. de Shine began to sob wildly. Susy sniffed in sympathy with the landlady's grief. * * The cowards ! ' ' said Mrs. Mangle, arising in- dignantly. ' ' Oh, the base, horrible ruffians ! ' ' "An"' I swallered a hair!" wailed little Min- nie. * ' Mommer, what kin I do ? iWill I die ? Is it made out of Fido?" "Get 'em arrested, ma'am," suggested Susy, jogging the arm of her weeping employer. "Aw, bring on 'Lydia Thompson' an' the sea otter!" bellowed the Property Man, "this is all the bunk. 'Tain't my fault if a few little hairs go an' git in my present, is it? Maggie's usin' A CHRISTMAS DINNER 21 that fer a stall. She ain't got any meat from heathen climes. That's it." 11 We're payin' our board, an' we demand that meat ! ' ' said Trippit ferociously. ' ' Susy, call the bull up to the corner saloon ! ' ' cried the landlady, raising her stricken counte- nance for a moment. "He'll be inside," chortled Mr. Mangle. ' ' That 's where all cops sticks these cold nights. ' ' "Mebbe he'd like a sassage," said the Prop- erty Man, grinning. "Ast him, Susy." "He'd rather a hull lot git a whack at 'Lydia,' " said Trippit, "an* the kangaroo. It's even money that poor guy never had our luck. He ain't had any. How 'bout 'Lydia'? Naw- tin'doin'?" "Brute!" said Mrs. Mangle. "You are un- speakable ! Come, Minerva, to our apartments. I am really unstrung, and I am sure I shall be extremely ill. ' ' "Oh, I am already!" pitifully asserted Miss Montagu, the ingenue. "Such a scene! And what a mind, to conceive of such an outrage ! It was Fido ! I am sure of it ! " "What! You mean he's in the sassage!" in- quired the brazen Property Man. "Naw! O' course not ! Why, is he lost ! ' ' Mrs. de Shine ceased sobbing and got to her feet. 22 THE MAISON DE SHINE "I put the Dutch cuss on yuh," she said sol- emnly, "both of yuh, an' I hope it settles yuh fur good an' all, 'cause yer too contemptible to live, yuh scoundrels! Moreover, leave my house!" "Not till we git 'Lydia' an' the kangaroo," said the Property Man. "Ain't that right, Trip?" he asked. "Not a step. We're from Missou-ry," said that gentleman cheerily. "Ef I give yuh some, will you blow then?" she sobbed. "Anything to remove his murder- ers from my sight ! Oh, my pore Fido ! ' ' "Bring it on," said both inexorably. The cook brought in a platter. On it was "Lydia," in many sections. Next she fetched the "kangaroo." A portion was set before the disturbers. "Rats ! It's rabbit, an' sheep," said the Prop- erty Man. "Good guessers, ain't we, Mis' de Shine?" said Trippit. "Do we git the prizes? Got it the first bite." "Mis' de Shine! He was at the front door, barkin' !" Susy, bearing Fido, unhurt save for several bare spots, from which hair had evi- dently been snipped, rushed to Fido's an- guished proprietor. A CHRISTMAS DINNER 23 "Ain't you ashamed of accusin' two good fel- lers like us?" said the Property Man, grinning fiendishly as he shook his head at her. So did Trippit. * ' Gents, ' ' said she, still shaken by recent vio- lent emotion, "I ast yer parding. I think it'll be admitted that I ain't the only one what be- lieved it. But I got my bajby dawg back, an' every sacrifice will be made, so thankful am I." "Then send acrost fer a coupla roast tur- keys," said the Property Man. "This here 'Lydia' an* the kangaroo ain't good eatin'. Them things never is. ' ' "Shall I?" she queried. The faces of the pair were a notification that they knew a good deal about the "imported" dishes. Hastily, Susy was despatched to purchase ready-cooked turkey, enough for all the boarders. Curiously "Lydia" and the "kangaroo" were tasted, and, once tasted, the guests waited for the turkey. Mrs. de Shine, clasping Fido, sighed as she observed the Property Man, who winked at her. "Nawtin' like the old standby fer a Chris '- mas dinner, is they?" he said, with a wink. "Well, yer gittin' it, ain't you?" she retort- ed, with a peevishness natural under the circum- stances. At his second wink she blushed, for she realized that to him "Lydia Thompson" and 24 THE MAISON DE SHINE tHe " kangaroo" were not mysteries. He was not a man so easily fooled. But it was some- thing to have so clever a person for her star boarder. THE CIECUS FREAKS COME TO BOARD MBS. DE SHINE stood upon the top step of the entrance to the actors' boarding-house in Irving Place. Susy, the industrious slavey, was sweep- ing the lower steps. " Where kin the butcher boy be?" wondered the landlady, folding her blue flannel kimono more securely about her matronly form. Susy leaned upon the broom for a moment, surveying the street. ' ' My ! Lookit what 's comin M " she exclaimed. A female of such amazing fatness that she approached with the slow movements of a lan- guid snail, neared them. Behind her followed a strange and motley company. There were a tall man, so slender that he in no wise prevented a clear view of those in the immediate rear, and a husky man who carried an odd creature in a straplike arrangement slung from his shoulders. Several midget men and women trudged briskly along over the ice-covered sidewalk, chattering gaily. 25 26 THE MA1SON DE SHINE "Freaks, that's what, Susy!" said Mrs. de Shine. "Now, where kin they be headin' fer?" "Mebbe they're playin' Huber's," suggested Susy, with unusual intelligence. The fat lady, like a boat rocking upon the waves, drew nearer. Even when she paused at the steps of the Maison de Shine she swayed from side to side, panting from her exertions. "We'd like to get board," she said. The other freaks massed around the leader of their expedition. "You been recommended to us by Henry Jones, the Human Pincushion," contributed a lady midget, in a startlingly bass voice for one so tiny. "Fur Heaving 's sake!" said Mrs. de Shine in much confusion. "Why, rully, I I think yuh made a mistake. I ain't never catered much to circus people, yuh see." "I s'pose," said the Turtle Boy, peering over the husky man's shoulder, "you don't want no freaks ? ' ' His tone was resigned. The midgets sighed in concert. Business at the Maison de Shine had been dull for several weeks. The landlady thought of this fact as she met the inquiring faces of the freaks. They would pay well. She might give them a separate table, and soothe her theatrical guests by sequestering the freaks at all times. "How ? bout it?" demanded the Living Skele- ton sharply. * * Do you want us or not ? ' ' "Walk right in," said the landlady, frowning at Susy's stare of astonishment. "I presume yuh jest come in off the road, an' it's suttenly fortunate that the bridal soot an' a few of the best rooms was jest left vacant to-day. Parding me ef I ast ef yuh wisht to double up or go sin- gle." "Well, my husband he's my personal man- ager is comin' later with the baggage," replied the Fat Lady, laboriously mounting the steps, "but he'll want a small single room alone. An' gimme a large front one, an' I hope the beds is good an' strong. You got no idee the trouble I have findin' beds that'll hold me." With guilty haste Mrs. de Shine urged the new boarders inside. It was her hope that they might all be safely in their rooms before the regular guests appeared. In the wake of the midgets a bearded, dark-faced person, with flow- ing garments, walked with the Armless Won- der. "I got a grand soot, with the bath jest out- side, ef yuh two gent 'men care to take it," said Mrs. de Shine persuasively, addressing this pair. The bearded person turned an indignant eye upon her. " I 'm a lady, ' ' she announced shrilly, 28 THE MAISON DE SHINE "and don't you forget it the Bearded Lady and knowed from Siam to the north pole, too!" "I'm sure Ibeg parding," said Mrs. de Shine contritely, "but, o' course, bein' unfamiliar with yer perfession, a party's liable to make a break, an' yet mean the best in the world." "Oh, certainly," replied the Bearded Lady graciously. "Let it go at that." "Mis' de Shine, is he a huming bein'?" whis- pered Susy. She pointed to a squat man who closed the door after the rest. The Turtle Boy's keeper heard her. "It's the Pithecanthropus Erectus, ma 'am, ' ' he explained. ' ' He 's the real descendant of the ape, half monk an' half man, but he's a darned good feller, an' there ain't anything he wouldn't do fer a pal." " I 'm sure he 's got a rull nice face, when yuh git ust to it," answered Mrs. de Shine. "Now I hope none o ' yuh folks '11 feel offended ef I ast yuh to kick in fer the week in advance, but them rules I made when fust I left burlesque an' opened up fer business." "I'm willin' enough," said the Fat Lady, "but I just can't get at my bank-roll till I'm in my room." "I understand," said Mrs. de Shine delicate- ly. "Since I been more embongpont myself, I find it ain't no cinch to reach mine, either. I s'pose yuh carry; it in yer stockin'.?" CIRCUS FREAKS COME TO BOARD 29 The Fat Lady admitted that it was in this same repository that her money was concealed. Terms satisfactory to every one were made, and the freaks shown to their apartments. The Fat Lady had no sooner closed the door of Eer room, upon the first floor, than a loud crash was heard. The Living Skeleton, just disappearing up the stairs, laughed loudly. "Tessie's busted the bed again, I'll bet a nickel/' said he joy- ously. "She can't ever set on the chairs, so she sets on the bed. I guess it's gone." Mr. Johnson, the property man, oldest board- er of all, entered the hall at five o'clock. The .two smallest midgets were seated upon the low- est step, engaged in excited argument. "Hey, kids, lemme past!' said he gently. "Don't call me a kid!" shouted one midget, arising haughtily. "I'm General Bones!" The Property Man grinned. On the second floor he met the landlady. "Who's them two crazy-lookin' brats dressed like grown-ups?" he inquired. "They're fresh, all right." "Goodness! An' me tellin' 'em they gotta stay in their own rooms!" exclaimed Mrs. de Shine. "Oh, I kin jest see nothin' but woe ahead f er me ! ' ' Wondering at her remarks, the Property Man leaned upon the stair-rail to watch as she de- scended. "Now, yuh simply kinnot set in the 30 hall ! ' ' she announced sternly. * * An ' I must aat yuh not to be doin' it." Many voices of varying timbre, joined in loud argument, caused the Property Man to return to the scene of action. Surrounded by her new- est boarders, the landlady was addressing a stranger whose nose was on a level with the gas which flickered in the chill draught from the front door. ' ' I kinnot take no giants ! ' ' said the landlady. "Kinnot, an' will not!" The man who had convoyed the Turtle Boy replied. He was apparently normal in every way, but having thrown in his lot with the freaks, he fought their battles bravely. "We can't be separated, because we ain't used to it," he said. "The giant always comes along. He'd 'a' come in with the crowd, only a mob delayed him by follerin' him. Ain't that right, George?" The giant looked appealingly at the inexor- able countenance of Mrs. de Shine. "I'll be as little trouble as possible," he urged, "and I'm willing to pay, you know." "Say! what's all this, anyway?" asked the Property Man, appearing among them from above. The Fat Lady, an emotional creature at all times, wept in sympathy with the landlady. "Now, Tessie, don't upset yourself so," soothed the Living Skeleton. "Didn't you start cryin' in Salt Lake that time, and it affected you bad? It'll all be fixed up." "But Gawge ain't got any place to sleep!" wailed the Fat Lady. The giant was frightfully embarrassed, especially as all the midgets, to convince him that they were in complete accord with him, clung to his long legs, affectionately beating him with their little hands. Much af- fected, he stooped to return their friendly ca- resses, and stepped on Fido, the fat poodle, who had adventured into the hall to see what the fuss was about. "Oh, where kin I put him, Mista Johnson?" .cried the landlady. "Gee! don't ask me," replied the Property Man. * * You 're runnin ' your own game I ain 't. If this is goin' to be a circus boardin '-house, all right. But me out. That's all I gotta say." Followed by the cold glances of the freaks, he hastened upstairs again. Left to solve the prob- lem alone, Mrs. de Shine dried her tears. Hers was a sanguine temperament, and having treat- ed herself to the luxury of a few sobs she cheer- fully resumed the responsibilities of her posi- tion, agreeing to furnish accommodations for the giant as long as he paid the exorbitant rate which she named to him. "I s'pose yuh won't mind eatin' before the other boarders?" she asked. "Susy '11 set yuh 32 THE MAISON DE SHINE a special table, an' ef I do say it, as shouldn't, the food '11 tie a hull lot of places an' I don't bar the Waldorf or the Sant Wreckus in a knot." But at this more clamor arose. The freaks insisted that they wished life and gaiety at their repasts, and they desired to dine with the other boarders. "I never see sich a delikit situation before in my hull career," confided Mrs. de Shine to Susy. "Yuh know what knockers an' kickers vodeville people is, anyway, an' yet here's these folks payin' more'n double rates, an' this bein' so, attention has gotta be paid to their wishes. ' ' "That there Pithy- whadda-you-callum's a dretful gent," replied the slavey, shuddering. 1 ' Oh, I jest hope he ain't never in his room when I go to do it." "Consider-in' that yer too blame lazy to get 'round to the rooms before evenin', he prob'ly won't be," said Mrs. de Shine sharply, because she regretted having employed a tone of such familiarity in speaking with Susy. Eebuked, the slavey made no further comment upon the appearance of the "human prodigies," the term which the Living Skeleton had courteously re- quested be used when referring to himself or associates. The Fat Lady, carefully seated upon her bed, CIRCUS FREAKS COME TO BOARD 33 in which the slats had been renewed since her first attempt to rest her large bulk upon it, was perusing a letter which she had taken from a handbag of enormous size. The Bearded Lady, who was calling on her friend, was embroider- ing a table-cover with a wreath of purple pan- sies. ' * Here 's the Moscow Giant went and jilted Maizie Morgan, the Fat Girl," said the former. " Ain't he the wretch? And Maizie 's a lovely girl, too. Not so fat as me, but she cops her lit- tle sixty every week, and I just bet that he'll live to see the day when he'll regret it. Her letter's awful sad." "Every one has something to bear, it does seem," sighed the Bearded Lady. "Well, she may be better off. I never knowed a happy day till I left the brute I married. ' ' The dinner-gong, operated by Susy, sounded from outside. Thereupon both got up, the Fat Lady patting her pompadour and powdering her face, while the Bearded Lady hastily combed her whiskers. Then they went to dinner. The Pithe- canthropus Erectus, with a rolling gait, reached the dining-room first. "Set right down, Mista Gallagher," said the landlady hospitably. "I want yuh all to feel at home." Flora Flitter, of the Flitter Sisters, tripped in from the kitchen, where, being a privileged guest, she had been asking details as to what 34 THE MAISON DE SHINE meat was to be served for dinner. Flora, blonde and sprightly, appealed to the taste of the Pithe- canthropus Erectus. * ' Howdy do ? " said he. "Heavings! Help! help!" screamed Flora, beating a retreat. "Now don't be scared of me, little gal!" shouted the Man- Ape reassuringly. "Come on back!" The Fat Lady had successfully impeded the progress of those behind her by wedging her- self in the doorway. "I can't get through!" she gasped. "This is nothing short of an outrage!" ex- claimed Mrs. Mangle. "When my husband brought up the news that performers of our class are supposed to eat with freaks I didn't believe it at first." ' * Human prodigies, I beg of yuh, ' ' murmured the landlady in her ear. "It hurts their feelin's dretful to be called freaks." "I wanna be a freak, mommer!" piped Lit- tle Minnie Mangle, the Child Wonder. This was the opportunity of Miss Imogen Montagu, ingenue in a Harlem stock company. "It's near enough to a freak when a girl almost as old as I am is carried 'round the countiy billed as a child!" she said. "I refer to Minnie Mangle. ' ' Mrs, Mangle would brook no unkind comment CIRCUS FREAKS COME TO BOARD 35 upon her offspring. "Repeat those words, Misi Montagu," she threatened, "and I'll scratch your eyes out ! ' ' "Mista Mangle, I beg yuh to restrain yer wife ! ' ' Mrs. de Shine whispered. "Now, Louiser, be a good feller, can't you?" remonstrated Mr. Mangle. ' ' If that skirt wants to make a holler about a little gal who'll be headin' bills before she's fourteen, let her. It ain't the first time dames has been jealous of Minnie's talent." "I'm smarter 'n her," remarked little Minnie. "Ain't I, pop?" The Pithecanthropus Erectus, alone at the ta- ble, while the Fat Lady was being extricated from her uncomfortable position, devoured all that he could reach. Mounds of bread and heap- ing dishes of pickled beets, intended for general consumption, went into his hungry interior. Flora Flitter, realizing the situation, timidly stole in and took her own place. ' ' Have some beets ? " he asked huskily. "Tessie, you simply can't do it," observed the Bearded Lady. "We gells will bring your dinner in, but you see yourself you could never, never make it. ' ' "Is that a feller or a female?" inquired the Property Man. 36 THE MAISON DE SHINE "Well, Vera, I guess you're right," replied the Fat Lady regretfully; "it's my luck." "Blessed if I ever see a guy with whiskers called Vera, ' ' remarked Mr. Mangle to his wife. He received a scorching glance from the Beard- ed Lady. "Now, folks, jest pile in anywhere," said Mrs. de Shine. "Susy, bring the soup, an' bring it darned rapid ! Yuh stand there with yer mouth oping, like yuh didn't know nothin'!" The Armless Wonder gallantly permitted Miss Montagu to take the end seat, a coveted spot, as the fortunate holder had room enough to move both elbows freely. "Mommer, he looks human, all but his feet," said little Minnie. "I seed 'em under the ta- ble." The Pithecanthropus Erectus scowled at little Minnie. "Mista Gallagher '11 be rull mad at yuh, Min- nie dolling, ef yuh don't quit," admonished the landlady. Devastation ruled where Mr. Gallagher's busy fork had been. "You'll have to charge him ex- tra, ma'am," explained the Living Skeleton. "They always do. He's sure there with the ter- rible appetite." "S'cuse me, old pal," said the Property Man, "but where does this ape guy hail from?" CIRCUS FREAKS COME TO BOARD 37 "He's a Western feller, between yon and me," responded the Skeleton confidentially. "He come from Denver. Used to hang 'round out there till he went into the prodigy line. He never has no trouble with nobody." ' ' Vera ! ' ' called a voice from the door. It was the lonely Fat Lady, mourning while her friends feasted. "Do throw me a bun or something," she entreated. "I'm feelin' real faint." "You bet I will, Tessie," replied the loyal Bearded Lady. She collected a plateful of food. "Please pass this to my lady friend," she mur- mured, delivering the plate to Susy. "I feel in my bones they ain't goin' to be enough dessert," said the landlady. "Run acrost to the bakery an' get a coupla cakes, Susy, an' be spry about it." Miss Montagu curiously observed the Arm- less Wonder. "Will you please pass the pota- toes?" she requested, forgetful of his lack of arms. ' ' Delighted, I 'm sure, ' ' he answered. With a quick twist of his body the Armless Wonder elevated his feet, dropping his leather slippers in transit, and extending a well-manicured set of toes, dexterously brought the potatoes to the horrified Miss Montagu. Then he helped him- self to modest portions of such viands as ap- pealed to his palate. 38 THE MA1SON DE SHINE Mrs. Mangle arose. "Come, Minerva," she commanded. " There are limits. They Ve been reached this night. As for me and my child, we leave this house now. If my husband has not the manhood to accompany his own wife and innocent babe, let him stay behind!" "I don' wanna go!" yelled little Minnie. "I wanna stay an' be a freak ! ' ' The four midgets, their chairs made higher with sofa pillows, had said little. Minnie, dragged away by her offended parent, stuck out her tongue at a lady midget, who promptly swatted Minnie with a dill pickle which the quar- tet had just agreed to divide. "Mommer, she hit me!" bawled little Minnie. Mrs. Mangle turned a menacing front upon the intrepid midget who had dared assault the Child Wonder. In her turn she slapped a midget, and one whose intentions had not been hostile. "Mis' Mangle, don't yuh tech 'em again!" cried the landlady. "I ain't a-goin' to see the guests abused, an' yuh gotta understand it!" The Turtle Boy unexpectedly emitted a series of barklike noises. All the midgets raised their little voices, and the Bearded Lady looked frightened. The Pithecanthropus Erectus laid a hairy paw upon the fair hand of Miss Flitter, at that moment toying with a spoon. "I like you," he CIRCUS FREAKS COME TO BOARD 39 said, with simple earnestness, and his hold tight- ened, for the Ape-Man's ideas were naturally somewhat primitive, and when he had looked upon her blonde beauty and found it good, he felt a desire to tell her so. "Leggo my hand!" quavered Flora. The Ape-Man's mouth curved into a dreadful grimace. It was meant for a fond smile, but the object of his tenderness saw only his sharp teeth and shining eyes. "He's goin' to murder me! Oil, why didn't I beat it while I had the chanct?" squealed Flora. Mrs. Mangle, clasping her Minnie, loitered at the door, whence she could flee, if necessary. * ' Mommer ! mommer ! Here 's another of 'em ! ' ' shrieked little Minnie. The Giant had come to dinner. "What's wrong?" he asked. The Fat Lady still hungrily patrolled the hall, awaiting her dinner. * * Gawge, I think we ought to get out of this place, ' ' she remarked. ' ' Listen to that row. I'm certain there'll be a fight." The Giant looked in just as the Property Man seized the Pithecanthropus Erectus in an angry grasp. "Don't you go a-scarin' of no females, you whatever-you-are ! " he roared. "Try it on a man ! I '11 fix your clock ! ' ' "I'm with you, Johnson," said Mr. Mangle, 40 displaying an unsuspected courage. "Go after him!" "Great heavens! They're killing Mista Gal- lagher ! ' ' said the Fat Lady, in terror. * * Oh, do save him!" "Let him save himself," remarked the Giant. "What's it to me?" But Mrs. Mangle's wifely love burned within her. "They sha'n't kill your popper!" she screamed. * ' Not all the freaks alive ! ' ' An indescribable fracas then took place. The midgets scuttled under the table, whence Fido, the poodle, drove them forth to where war waged among the big people. Mrs. Mangle bru- tally beat the Pithecanthropus Erectus upon his hairy face. The Property Man bore the Armless Wonder to the floor, while the Turtle Boy's keeper hit Mr. Mangle so smartly that the latter fell among the dishes, quite down and out. ' ' Say ! what 's all this 7 " At the authoritative tone in which the words were uttered the battle ceased. "The Human Pincushion!" squawked a mid- get. "You're all in the wrong house!" yelled the Human Pincushion. "This ain't the human prodigies' boardin '-house. It's five doors up the street." CIRCUS FREAKS COME TO BOARD 41 "Let's get, and get now," said the Bearded Lady faintly. The freaks disentangled themselves. Silently the regular boarders watched them go. "Where's our money?" asked the Fat Lady accusingly. "The dear knows I'm glad to give it back," said Mrs. de Shine thankfully. "An* never no more freaks fer mine." GOLD EAGLE CHARLIE, VAUDEVILLE'S BAD MAN IT was Sunday, busiest of days in the Maison de Shine. Vaudeville teams and "single" acts, in from the road, massed in the hall, each noisily demanding the best room. " Joe Simmons, yuh an' yer podner g'wan up to the top floor rear ! ' ' cried Mrs. de Shine. ' ' My grief! if yuh boys wouldn't drive a pusson in- sane ! Suttenly I kinnot give the Four Comedy Queens one room fur three bucks apiece, includ- in' board, an' yuh tell them gells so, quick. D'yuh hear me, Susy?" Susy, the slavey, nodded her frowsy head. "They said to tell you they'd go acrost the street if they didn't get it fer that," she re- marked in a cautious undertone. "Let 'em!" exclaimed the landlady. "They et more'n a minstrel troupe the last time they was here, anyway. ' ' "Hello, Maggie! How 'bout you?" shouted a new arrival jovially. "Kin we get the first floor front?" 42 GOLD EAGLE CHARLIE 43 "No, Sam, yuh kinnot," she answered. "A party jest took it. And listen here, I want to ast yuh sumpinV Samuel Shultz, the "European Hoop Boiler," followed her to a secluded spot near the dining- room door. "Wasn't yuh onct with the 'Bill Show'?" she asked. "Well, I was, but only fer a minute, Mag- gie," said he frankly. "The colonel seen the boss act I was doin', an' he closes me before Sat 'd V night. See ? That 's before I went hoop- rollinV' "That ain't what I mean," said the landlady mysteriously. "It's this: Yuh knowed them bronco busters, o' course. Did yuh ever stop where they did, an' was they rough-house peo- ple?" "Nope; not much," returned the puzzled Samuel. * * What you gittin ' at, anyway ? ' ' "The first floor front's one of 'em, that's why," said she, "an' I'm scared stiff fur fear he'll begin shootin' at the table. Whadda yuh think?" Samuel advised her to have no fear. "Did he say he was one of the 'Bill Show' boys?" he in- quired. ' ' What 's his name t ' ' The guest 's cog- nomen was Gold Eagle Charlie. He had dis- played real money, and paid his board in ad- vance, and under such satisfactory circum- 44 THE MAISON DE SHINE stances the landlady had not felt justified in ask- ing him to check his gun before seeking his room. "I jest feel they may be trouble," she sighed. "Susy an' me was tellin' our forchuns, an' the tea-leaves showed trouble at the house as plain as possible. She tuck it to mean a coupla coon shouters I had to throw out 'cause they didn't settle, but I dunno I'm nervous." Gold Eagle Charlie appeared at dinner that evening for the first time. He was big and broad, and clad in cowpuncher fashion. His black hair was long, and lay upon his shoulders. He squeezed a sombrero into the narrow space between his knees and the table. Range cos- tume was evidently his ordinary attire, for his legs were encased in leather "chapps," and al- though he had no horse, his high-heeled boots were spurred. "Gracious! Is he a ringer, or the real thing?" whispered Flora Flitter, of the Flitter Sisters. Mrs. Trippit, wife of Johnny Trippit, the world's champion wooden shoe buck dancer, watched the stranger intently. The Trippits frequently played the mining camps, so if any one could judge of his genuineness it was she. "He looks just like them guys who come into GOLD EAGLE CHARLIE 45 the honkatonks, " she remarked, "but what's he doin' in a vodeville boardin '-house?" Gold Eagle Charlie spoke but once during the meal. Then he addressed Susy. "Lady, gimme a little more pie, if it ain't askin' too much," said he courteously. "The chuck here is fine." Mrs. de Shine was flattered. "Ef I do say it, Mista Gold Eagle," she observed, "yuh kin git things here yuh couldn't in the Sant Wreckus. Stinginess is sumpin' that I hate to see, an' I set the best they is on this here groanin' board." "Say, mommer, what's a groanin' board?" piped Little Minnie Mangle, the Child Wonder. "Is it like a ironin '-board?" "No, dolling," said the landlady kindly, "o* course not. Susy, git that gelmun some pie, an' be spry. Yer slower 'n mud." "Gimme s'more pie, Susy," called Mr. John- son, the Property Man; "'tain't so tough as usual to-night. An' pass them doughnuts." "Mista Johnson," rebuked the landlady, "yuh went an' et four of 'em already. Parding me fur remindin' you, but everything has a limit. Nothin' doin' on the pie." The Property Man was angy. "Oh, that's it, then," he said sneeringly. "The noo gees kin go as far as they like, but a feller who shells out his six iron men every week, no matter what 46 comes off, he's got to go shy, eh? All right. Keep it up. You're goin' to regret it." He arose, viciously yanking a chair out of the way. ''Will I git 'im the pie?" queried the saga- cious slavey anxiously. 1 ' No, Susy, no ! Let Mista Johnson go, ef he feels that way. I don't expect no gratitood from him fur bein' gave a kind, refined home fer years, an' his socks mended an' hankachers washed in my own latching." Mrs. de Shine's mien was haughty. The Prop- erty Man flung out of the door and slammed it. Gold Eagle Charlie smiled. " Anything yuh want, jest holler it out," said the hostess. "All my guests feels at home, an' I suttenly expect yuh to do the same." The stranger seemed a very cold, stern per- son. By Tuesday night he had a nodding ac- quaintance with one or two of the young ladies. "Was you ever to Reno?" asked Mrs. Trip- pit at dinner. "We played there, headed the bill, an' was such a scream we almost got the Orpheum time; but some knocker got to the agent, an' we didn't coemect. I love the dear West." "I ain't ever been that far West," replied Gold Eagle Charlie. "How far was you?" queried Johnny Trip- GOLD EAGLE CHARLIE 47 pit, who liked to know about things in general, and never hesitated to inquire. "I was quite some ways," said Charlie eva- sively. "We was to 'Frisco onct," announced little Minnie Mangle. ""Wasn't us, mommer?" "If I hear one more word out of you, Min- erva, I shall chastise you," declared the preco- cious Wonder's harassed mamma. "If it ain't bein' too free, pard," said the Property Man, who was still a* member of the happy household, notwithstanding various dark threats about leaving forever, "what's your line? Sumpin' like them lariat throwers who played our house last week?" "He's got a look sort of like Frank Campeau in 'The Virginian,' " Aggie Gaspipe, of the Dancing Gaspipes, told her neighbor. ' * Frank 's a grand feller, even if he is a legit. This guy ain't nothin' so handsome as him, though." John J. Gaspipe scowled at his wife. "Let that be the last of that line of stuff," said he fiercely. "I ain't going to have no wife of mine speaking such words about any man. Be a lady." Mrs. Gaspipe was a person of spirit. She kicked her lord under the table and then slapped him. "Take that!" she exclaimed, "Oh, why 48 THE MAISON DE SHINE did I ever tie up with such a onery thing as you?" The landlady interfered, but not before the warring Gaspipes had upset a dish of the fa- mous De Shine stewed prunes, and offered to assassinate each other if given half a chance. Mrs. Trippit's attention had been tempo- rarily arrested. She now resumed her investi- gations. "I should say you come from Dakota," she began. "Was you ever in Fargo? I hate to tell you what we done in that town. I was personally complimented on my dancin' by the chief of police himself, and they give John a cane when the lodge of Fr'en'ly Hoo-Hoos had their smoker." ' ' No, ma 'am, ' ' replied Charlie. ' ' I never was to Fargo." "What's your game?" The Property Man's tone was rather unpleasant. "I'm champion paper tearer of the West," said Charlie. "I pass," said the Property Man. "What kind o' gig is that?" Charlie became sociable. He told them about his "act." He was not exactly in vaudeville, but on the front fringe of it. The managers of different stores hired him to work in their show windows. He made charming souvenirs by "tearing pa- GOLD EAGLE CHARLIE 49 per" into odd designs in view of the spectators, and the ladies of the towns came in flocks to view Ms marvelous dexterity. Then he lost his modest air. Pleased by the attention of these seasoned vaudevillians, he re- lated tales of "gun fights" in which he had been the victor, and of the many feats of strength which he had performed. It seemed that he varied his act by displaying his muscles while clad in fleshings. This was really a greater hit than the paper tearing. "I'm so strong," he admitted, "that it makes me afraid sometimes." "Susy, ast Mista Chawlie ef he can't eat an- other helpin' of creamed pitattas," ordered the landlady, "an' git him some hot cawfee." "Hully chee!" murmured the Property Man bitterly. "Kin you beat it? That's a woman! They got no intelligence, an' b'lieve anything." Gold Eagle Charlie became the pampered guest. His stories of marvelous exploits grew. The landlady was captivated by him. The Prop- erty Man, aided by Johnny Trippit and William Mangle, made up their minds to crush the in- terloper who had interfered with their comfort. He received a thick slice of roast beef, cut by Mrs. de Shine 's own hands, while the rest scram- bled for much thinner samples, as Susy brought the food on a platter. "I'm goin' to have a pal to grub with me, 50 THE MAISON DE SHINE Maggie, ' ' said the Property Man gruffly. ' l Save a seat fer him. He's playin' in a dramer up on Third Avenoo, an' he's a tough mug, but he won't hurt nobody if he's treated right. His name's Cougar Jack, an' he's a bad man from Alaska." "Heavings, Mista Johnson! is it safe to have that party here?" quavered the landlady. He assured her that Cougar Jack would behave cor- rectly. The Property Man and Trippit met in the hall when dinner was over. The latter was certain that Gold Eagle Charlie had turned pale when he heard of the ferocity of Cougar Jack. The landlady, once the fond friend of the Property Man, had installed another as favorite in his stead. The latter chuckled when he thought of what they had planned to do. "I'll make her sorry, you bet, ' ' he confided to Trippit. "She's sure givin' us one rum deal, old boy," agreed Trippit. "Aw, the frails is all the same," said the Property Man disgustedly. "All of 'em. A guy comes along and shoots that old con about how he's the grandest thing on earth, an' the wisest of 'em fall. I thought Maggie knowed sumpin'." The Property Man was aggrieved. It was but natural. "I thought she was a good, wise dame/' he repeated sulkily. 51 Mrs. de Shine attended to Gold Eagle Char- lie's mending, heartlessly neglecting gaping holes in the ex-star boarder's hose. On Friday night Cougar Jack came to dinner. He was introduced to the table by the Property Man, and no sooner had Cougar Jack sat down than he began to talk. He described towns in the great and glorious West, and then pointedly asked Gold Eagle Charlie if he had visited these places. Of each Charlie had but the night be- fore told a blood-curdling tale of dreadful en- counters, in which his own bold deeds figured largely. "I used to kill a guy as soon as eat, "confessed Cougar Jack, "but not no more." The ladies gave vent to little shrieks of fright. "And me," put in Charlie. "Say, they couldn't come too mean for me. They know me all over them places. Many a joint I cleaned out with my cannon." Cougar Jack laughed loudly and insultingly. "You never cleaned out anything, in my opin- ion," he said. "You're only a fourflush. I'll bet you ain't ever been West of Jersey City. You're a dead one!" Mrs. de Shine rushed forward. "Oh, Chawlie, don't yuh fight with the reptile!" she cried. "Fur my sake, promise!" 52 THE MAISON DE SHINE "I promise," answered Charlie gently. He seemed glad of the opportunity. "Go at him again, Bill, ' ' urged the Property Man in the ear of his ferocious friend. "I declare to mercy!" observed Mrs. Trippit. "I b'lieve he ain't nothin' but some ham what never licked nobody. He don't know a thing about any burg we ever played. ' ' "Remember yer promise," warned the land- lady. "He's safe," said Charlie nobly. "I re- formed on killin', and I won't hurt him, because I promised a lady. With me, promises is sa- cred." "Hound!" snarled the Property Man, "why don't you be game? I'd like to see some feller call me, an' me not get back at him!" Mrs. de Shine folded her flannel kimono about her portly form and advanced to the head of the table. "Yuh brung a ruffian in here to-night, Mista Johnson," she commenced, "an' he must now be tuck out. Yuh find a gent mindin' his busi- ness, an' payin' his board ahead, too, what's more, which the same is more than some folks kin say " "Are you alludin' to us?" asked Mrs. Trippit sarcastically. "If so, cut it out. The Trippits GOLD EAGLE CHARLIE 53 pay as they go, thank gracious! I defy any party here to state where we owe a nickel." "Present comp'ny is allus excepted," said Mrs. de Shine haughtily, "an' pers'nally I have no apol'gy to make, an' won't make none. Mista Johnson's fren kin be thankful that a soft- hearted woming's prayer has saved his life." She cast a languishing glance upon Charlie, who bowed. "Let him go," he said grandly. "I spared him for your sake." "No, you don't!" shouted the Property Man. "Come on, if you ain't a ringer! Git busy! Let's g'wan into the street, and you fellers kin settle it mighty quick." Trippit urged Charlie to accept. Cougar Jack got to his feet. Reaching across the table, he pulled Charlie 's nose, which was rather long. With a roar, Cougar Jack brought forth a revolver. " I '11 shoot him, and then cut his heart out!" he yelled, and fired. Gold Eagle Charlie was under the table before a bullet could hit him. He emerged at the far end, dashed out of the door, into the hall, and up the stairs. Cougar Jack followed, firing as he ran. ' ' Police ! He '11 be murdered ! ' ' Mrs. de Shine was weeping. Mrs. Trippit and Flora Flitter had fled to cover. Trippit and the Property Man, laughing gaily, proceeded upstairs. Mrs. de 54 TEE MA1SON DE SHINE Shine and many excited boarders brought up the rear. Another shot was heard. ' ' On the level, ' ' said the Property Man mirth- fully, "I never seen nothin' so funny. That hick thinks he's killed right now. Ain't Bill's make-up swell?" Trippit snickered. Cougar Jack was in real- ity a friend of his in the dancing line, with a taste for practical jokes. "Oh! will no one save Chawlie?" wailed the landlady. The Property Man spoke. "I hear your precious Charlie's dyin' groans right now," he said. "Listen! Hear it!" On the next floor some one was sending forth howls for mercy. "Put the gun down, it's only a kid!" came in an agonized voice. Trippit grasped his friend's arm. "That's Bill!" he ejaculated in horror. "Hurry up. Sumpin's comin' off!" They trooped along the second-floor hall. The door of a room was open. Cougar Jack crouched on the floor, his hands upraised. Gold Eagle Charlie stood over his quivering victim, a large .44 in one hand. It was pointed at Cougar Jack's head in a nasty manner. "Lady," said Charlie, "what shall I do? I hate to spill blood, an' I've been druv to this; but this here critter won't be missed. Lemme GOLD EAGLE CHARLIE 55 finish him." He took a firmer grip upon the gun. * * Hey ! This is a joke ! Put that there smoke- wagon down ! ' ' said the Property Man, agitated. 1 1 Can't you take a joke ? This is only one of the gang. It's a frame-up. Let him up !" "Put up your hands !" said Gold Eagle Char- lie sharply. He waggled the gun at the Prop- erty Man, and included the landlady in its range. "Everybody," he continued, "git in line by the wall. Drop your money and jewelry on the floor in a pile. I'll do the rest. This ain't a joke." He smiled grimly. "It's a stickup!" The Property Man said nothing more, for the gun was too near at hand. Gold Eagle Charlie bade the ladies produce their valuables. They searched in secret places and drew out money. Mrs. de Shine was last. "Chawlie!" she faltered, "do yuh mean it?" "Dig!" was his brief reply. Sobbing, the landlady gave him a chamois bag in which part of the De Shine wealth was stored. Cougar Jack's watch and diamond pin went with the other loot. His useless gun, loaded only with blank cartridges, lay on the floor. Gold Eagle Charlie collected the valuables. "I may not have been West before," said he, with a grin, "but I'm goin' there on this, and don 't you f urgit it ! Good-night ! ' ' A LONG-LOST DAUGHTER COMES TO TOWN A YOUNG woman in a tightly fitting suit of brilliant scarlet rang the bell of the Maison de Shine one November afternoon. Susy, the slavey, opened the door. ' ' Did you want board?" she inquired. The visitor winked at Susy. "Just tell your boss that Geraldine de Har- rington is here," she said. "I'm her daughter, and I've come home to stay." She waved the staring servant aside and en- tered the hall. Mrs. de Shine, with Fido, the fat poodle, came out of her private boudoir at this moment. ' ' Hello, mawr ! How they comin ' I " asked she of the red apparel, advancing toward the land- lady. "Mamie! It's like seem' a ghost!" ejacu- lated the landlady, with a show of much excite- ment. " Where 'd yuh come from?" "Well, the Burly Blonde Burlesquers busted at Syracuse," said Miss de Harrington calmly, 56 A LONG-LOST DAUGHTER 57 "an' I beat it to New York. Me an' Pete split last week, too. He's gone as nnderstander in an acrobatic act, an' as soon as I kin rehearse it I'm going to put on a monologue an' do a single act in vodeville. So I'll live with you till I go on the road." Mrs. de Shine displayed no sign of pleasure upon hearing this statement. "I must say yuh ain't hurted yerself none in findin' out if yer pore mawr was alive or dead," she complained, "but I presume I'm good enough when yer swell frens blow you. We're dretful crowded, but Susy kin scare up a room on the third floor, I guess." Miss de Harrington tossed her head with an air of hauteur. "No third floor goes for Geral- dine de Harrington," she replied emphatically. "Oh, no ! I'm used to the best, an' I don't take nothing but that." "Yuh are yer popper all over again!" de- clared Mrs. de Shine bitterly; "jest as onery an' headstrong. Yuh gotta take what I got in the way of rooms, Mamie." "Geraldine," corrected her daughter; "don't spring that name on me where people can hear it. I've stopped usin' it." At dinner the guests discussed the new ar- rival. She was fashionably late in appearing. "So you been holding out on us, have you, 58 THE MAISON DE SHINE Maggie?" jested the Property Man. "Got a growed-up gal, an' never said nawtin' to no- body, eh? "Where is her nobs?" "She's a good looker," remarked Trippit, the buck dancer. "I seen her." "Just keep your eyes on your own wife, John- ny Trippit," said his wife sharply. "Don't be rubberin' at other females." The other boarders snickered. Trippit ate a dill pickle in scowling silence. "Here she comes now," said Mrs. Mangle, of the Mangles Three. The landlady's daughter entered. She wore a most decollete gown of blue silk, trimmed with a profusion of lace which plainly had but infre- quent acquaintance with the cleaner. It was the costume she had worn as Flossie Highflier in that uproarious afterpiece, "Murphy's Flats," and in the tank towns it had been a sure-fire hit. A profusion of riotous curls were caught up at intervals with rhinestone ornaments. About her fat throat a string of coral beads were clasped. "Hully chee! pipe this!" breathed the Prop- erty Man. "I wonder where she plays next week?" The slavey was much impressed by the smart appearance of the newest arrival. "Will I give her a seat by Mista Johnson?" she whispered. " Suttenly not ! " replied Mrs. de Shine sharp- 'A LONG-LOST DAUGHTER 59 ly. "Let her set between Bickle, Pickle an' Snickle, them farce-comedy people. Mista Bickle, kin'ly move up. Folks, allow me to in- terduce Miss Geraldine de Harrington." Miss de Harrington bowed politely. Mrs. Trip- pit regarded her with a sneer, but Trippit was frankly pleased at the prospect of an uninter- rupted view of such a charming vision. Bickle, Pickle and Snickle each moved up one chair, which left Miss Montagu, the ingenue, in a most cramped position. It also discommoded Flora Flitter. "Say! I ain't goin' to set in no three inches of room .'"exclaimed the distressed Miss Flitter, "not for no dame if she was the Queen of Sheba, see ? I 'm payin ' my board, an ' I simply will not set on this corner. Theideer!" "I don't blame you a bit," said Mrs. Trippit, as all parties seated themselves. "Personally, I know I've stood for things here that is raw work. We can hardly breathe now, it's so crowded, and now they're squeezin' in more peo- ple." * ' Soup ? ' ' asked Susy respectfully. "Are they no oyster cocktails?" asked Miss de Harrington. "There ain't? Well, I want one. Mawr, tell her to rustle me an oyster cock- tail." 60 THE MAISON DE SHINE "Geraldine, they is none," said her mother firmly. The meal went on. Trippit cast admiring looks at the plump shoulders of the ex-bur- lesquer. Mrs. Trippit watched him. "You can that stuff!" she said fiercely in his ear, "or you'll regret it. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, and you a married man. ' ' "I ain't doin' no thin'," protested Trippit. "Quitkickin'." "Where's pawr, mawr?" inquired Miss de Harrington, poising a pickled beet upon her fork. "Don't he come in to meals?" Expectant quiet reigned for a full minute. Mr. and Mrs. de Shine had come to a parting of the ways two long years ago, but their daugh- ter, who had not visited the parental abode for some time, was not aware of this fact. "He suttenly do not," replied Mrs. de Shine^ with emotion, "an' I never expected my own child to get off no such a fax pax as that. Bill de Shine better not show his face here, if he knows his little book." "Didn't even know the old man an' Maggie quit, hey?" marveled the Property Man. "I bettcher her an' Maggie's fightin' in a week. That gal's got a mean map, Trip." "I think she's a swell fairy," confided Trip- pit; "I hope she's goin' to stay." A LONG-LOST DAUGHTER 61 Geraldine giggled. ' ' Well, you always did get along like a couple of wildcats," she remarked mirthfully. "It ain't my fault if I didn't hear about it. ' ' "Ef yuh tuck the trouble to send yer route, yuh'd be put hep to everything," retorted Mrs. de Shine reproachfully, " which the same yuh never done, Geraldine." When she had dined, Geraldine swept into the parlor. Fido, the poodle, lolled in the best arm- chair, and without {he slightest hesitation she dumped him out of it. Mrs. de Shine had seen this insult to her pet, who snarled as he retreat- ed under the sofa. "How dare yuh lay a hand, except in kind- ness, upon my baby dawg?" she demanded. "Onct fer all, miss, them things will not be stood fer! Don't yuh come into my house upsettin' rules an' regulations, an' bein' crool to Fido." Mrs. de Shine was excited. She had girded herself for an encounter with her daughter, who possessed a strong will. The memory of past days, when Geraldine, called Mamie then, had hectored her parents until they ceased to battle against her wishes, was upon the landlady. She would show the young woman that it were best not to trifle with the boss of the Maison de Shine. "He better not bark at me, then," said Ger- aldine spiritedly. "I got no use for poodles. 62 THE MAISON DE SHINE Whadda you mean by callin' me down at the ta- ble in front of them dubs 1 ' ' "Dubs!" Mrs. de Shine glared at her. "Kin'ly remember that the guests of this pen- shun is headliners, an' the best folks in vode- ville ! Yuh come back here, a great big gell, an' yuh jest keep callin' me mawr, so's everybody '11 know I got a ungrateful serpent of a child yer age. They ain't no reason fer it bein' knowed who yuh are if you hadn't went an' hollered it out." The Mangles, on their way downstairs, heard loud voices in the parlor. The Property Man stopped in the hall to listen as Mrs. de Shine and her offspring exchanged angry words. "They're tellin' their real names, all right," said William Mangle. "Did you see how the gal was framed up for dinner?" "It was most indelicate, in my opinion," put in Mrs. Mangle. ' ' Low neck in a boardin '-house ! Some have no sense of propriety at all. ' ' "I want a suite of rooms on the first floor, and that goes!" was the last remark which the boarders overheard. Thus began the reign of Geraldine in the actors ' boarding-house. No one knew the exact means which she had used to subdue the usually fearless landlady. But Geraldine commanded. Within twenty-four A LONG-LOST DAUGHTER 63 hours she occupied the bridal apartments, re- served for managers and their wives, or female stars who could afford the luxury of two rooms next the bath. William Mangle, after he had breakfasted each morning, assisted in arranging a battered tray filled with eatables for Mrs. Mangle, who did not descend for the meal. There was but one available for this purpose. On the day after Geraldine's homecoming there was no tray for the devoted Mangle to carry to the third floor front. It was already in commission, spread with eggs and toast for the fair Geral- dine. Trippit had dawdled over his predigested breakfast food, wetted with canned milk. He had swallowed each bite of ham as slowly as he might, before beginning a leisurely attack upon the lone egg which accompanied it. Cautiously he addressed Susy. " Where's Miss de Harrington?" he inquired with well-as- sumed carelessness. " Ain't she been down?" He was informed that the lady would not grace the public dining-room until later, where- upon he bolted the egg and departed. Susy re- ported Trippit 's conduct to Geraldine. "He ast me last night if you was a married pusson," said the slavey, "an' bein' as I didn't know, I 64 THE MAISON DE SHINE couldn't say. Him an' Mis' Trippit is always fightin '. He 's champeen buck dancer. ' ' 1 'I never had no use for dancers," said Geral- dine languidly. "Most of 'em are daffy." But she was not displeased at her conquest. Mrs. de Shine went about gloomily. She did not relate snappy scandal of vaudeville dress- ing-rooms, as had been her custom for many years, to her intimates, nor did she trouble to pin on her curled "front" of blond hair. Ger- aldine soon collected the bills for her mother, and she made dilatory vaudevillians pay with a promptness which caused them to curse the day she had entered the house. She now arose late in the afternoon, after entertaining friends from various burlesque shows playing New York, until hours which caused the policeman who paced past, and noted the revelers, to wish he might be an actor and live such a merry life. The Property Man was Mrs. de Shine's only refuge. "Mista Johnson, she's even tuck my own boodwor, where onct I received my fr'en's," she said tearfully, "an' I swear to heaving ef it ain't the truth that she made Susy put my dolling Fido in the yard last night, an' him ust to every comfort in the world. Oh, that I never seed this day ! ' ' "Ain't she go in' on the road again?" he que- ried hopefully. But Geraldine was too well sat- A LONG-LOST DAUGHTER 65 isfied where she was. She spoke grandly of a forthcoming tour over a prominent circuit, but vouchsafed no details. Mrs. Trippit re- quested a private interview of the landlady one evening. ''Mis' de Shine, I guess you know whether I've done my duty to Johnny Trippit, or wheth- er I ain't," she said. "Well, I'm getting a deal what'd make my poor first husband turn in his grave if he could see it. John's refused six weeks' work at good money, 'cause he won't play outside Noo York no more. We're layin' off next week fer that reason. An' he's hocked my earrings. An' who do you s'pose is respon- sible fer it?" "Birdie, yer alludin' to Geraldine," said the landlady agitatedly. "I won't pertend I ain't seen the play she's makin' fer him. I dunno what I've done to deserve sich a fate as to have her camp here. It's drivin' me to the buzzy house, an' that ain't no joke. But yuh know it ain't my fault. She jest bullies me until I'm wore to a shadder." Mrs. de Shine was still a substantial figure, but her feeling was deep and sincere. "What wouldn't I give to git her out?" she exclaimed with a sigh. The ladies talked together for some time. Mrs. Trippit desired to regain a husband, Mrs. de 66 THE MAISON DE SHINE Shine the former proud position in which she had controlled the destinies of her own home. "Then if I think up some scheme, it goes with you?" asked Mrs. Trippit, when it was time for her to start for the theater. Fervently Mrs. de Shine assured her young friend that no stone should be placed in the way if a plan were formulated through which Geral- dine might be induced to permanently return to burlesque. The landlady herself was most thor- oughly cowed. Geraldine insisted that her food be served in courses, and insisted upon the add- ed luxury of a finger-bowl. The Property Man hated her for her overbear- ing manner, but Trippit and the other male boarders were her slaves. If, when he passed the potatoes, Trippit received a smile, he danced at his next show with a grace and agility which delighted the audience. But if Geraldine hap- pened to feel peevish, neglecting to at least glance in ordinary friendly fashion at him, his performance was so listless that the musical di- rector joked him, and Mrs. Trippit saw with dis- may their usual three bows reduced to two, and one of these a "forced encore." "Have some sense," said the Property Man one afternoon, as they smoked cigarettes on the corner nearest the house. "Ain't you got any 'A LONG-LOST DAUGHTER 67 nnt ? I never seen nothin ' in them big battleaxes meself." "Battleax!" said the infatuated Trippit in- dignantly. " Don't use them words about a queen like her. Why didn't I meet her when I first broke into the business? We'd been on Broadway now." "Look a-here," remonstrated the Property Man; "you'll be elopin' with this frail, next. Think of your wife. ' ' "I can't think about nothin' but my baby," declared Trippit shamelessly. "Ain't her eyes sumpin' beautiful? Aw, the world's all wrong, pal. She's got me goin'. Do you s'pose she thinks anything of me? I b'lieve she does. A feller kin tell, you know." "You talk foolish," the Property Man replied. "What's the use gettin' stuck on a skirt when you're roped an' tied already?" "Well, I'll git unhitched," declared Trip- pit. "Say! listen here! If she was to say to me, 'G'wan out an' git under that car,' why, I'd let it run over me." "I kin see your finish stickin' out like a bad dream, ' ' observed his companion, * ' 'cause you sure are daffy complete." He invited Trippit to partake of something cheering, but the lat- ter declined, saying he wished to be alone. Geraldine, her Junoesque form clad in a 68 THE MAISON DE SHINE checked suit of striking design, with red velvet trimmings, and a large picture hat, alighted from a car as rose-tinted thoughts of love jos- tled one another in Trippit's brain. "How do?" she remarked courteously. Ger- aldine, while aware of Trippit's passion, did not return it. "How about havin' a little drink before you go in f " he ventured. ' ' We kin slide in here and never be noticed." She rapidly surveyed the street. It seemed safe. "Well, I don't care if I do," she said. When they had descended the steps of a rath- skeller, Mr. Trippit conducted his inamorita to a table in the corner of the room. Then he called the waiter. ' ' Bring us a quart of wine, ' ' he ordered. Ger- aldine was agreeably surprised at this display of lavishness, and she began to speculate upon the probable size of the salary which a champion wooden shoe buck dancer would draw. Trippit became desperate. After one glass of the sparkling juice of the grape he daringly reached across and laid a hand upon the gloved hand of his vis-a-vis. * * Say ! you 're a wonder, ' ' he said huskily; "a peach, that's what. A guy that could win you out'd be a lucky slob, all right. I never see such a pair of lamps as you got." A LONG-LOST DAUGHTER 69 "Mista Trippit, you got a wife," reminded Geraldine coldly. ' * Behave now. ' ' 1 1 She 's a lemon ! " he said with fervor. ' * Why, she don 't start in your class. If you was to hook up with a good wise guy, what a act it'd be." "Stop this minnit!" warned the lady. "Baby, I love you," continued Mr. Trippit, unabashed. Out on the sidewalk several vaudeville gen- tlemen were standing. They were joined by Sammy Gabble, the comedian. ' ' John Trippit 's settin' downstairs with a dame," said he, "and he's openin' wine." "Him?" asked Mr. Mangle, who was one of the group. "Well, I'm blessed!" He carried the tale back to Mrs. Mangle, who immediately found occasion to call upon Mrs. Trippit, and after retelling the horrid news condole with her. Trippit recklessly ordered more wine, al- though he had no work booked for the next week. And as he imbibed it his notion of his own im- portance grew. He told Geraldine his wage was $250 a week, and that he could go to London any old day and get $300 on the Moss-Stoll tour, or even more. Geraldine was aweary of run- ning the boarding-house. The novelty had palled upon her. They agreed to fly away together, to where British audiences impatiently awaited the coming of the famed Trippit. 70 THE MAISON DE SHINE " Sunday night, after I get my money," he said, "we'll blow. Then I'll divorce her, an' marry you. That 's the kind I am. ' ' As Geraldine left the table the next evening the slavey presented her with a letter. It was from Chicago. A burlesque show's manager of- fered her $200 a week to be his leading woman. It was an unheard-of price. "Wire answer," it said. With a trembling hand she wrote a tele- gram, which she gave to Susy to take to the office. It was carried to the landlady instead. At midnight Geraldine started for the West, heedless of Johnny Trippit and his broken heart. The dear girl knew a good thing when she saw it. "Mebbe I'll be back when the sea- son's over, mawr," she said in parting. Mrs. de Shine lowered her lashes. There was a triumphant gleam in her eyes which Geraldine must not see. Mrs. Trippit met the landlady in the hall after Geraldine had gone. "It worked," she whispered. "All I ast is to have John away from her a few days. I'll get him back. Will she return when she gets next ? ' ' "She can't," replied Mrs. de Shine. "I only give her carfare one way. That was a great ideer, my dear, havin' the letter mailed from Chicago, an' coppin' that guy's paper. An' ef A LONG-LOST DAUGHTER 71 Trippit gits gay, hand him a clout. Show him who's boss." "I'll just do it," said Mrs. Trippit deter- minedly. "I kin manage him now she's gone." "And Maggie de Shine will onct more rule in her own joint," said the landlady, " 'cause Ger- aldine can't never come back no more." AN EX-HUSBAND SAVES THE EMERYS THE " Emery Sisters,** Goldie and Gertie, had arrived in the East from the mining-camp cir- cuits, and found the agents cold and hypercriti- cal. There was very little doing in the way of booking for an unknown " sister act." They owed two weeks ' board at the Maison de Shine, and the landlady was already assuming an un- pleasant air when they passed. It was Gertie who did the business for the team. She returned home on a Friday night, tired and hot. "Nothin' doin' again?" asked Goldie dismally. Gertie sat down upon the bed and took off her shoes. * ' I 'm dead on my feet ! ' ' she exclaimed. "Oh, them agents! The ones with offices in elevator buildin's is too swelled up to notice you, and the little ones are up seven flights of stairs!" "I wisht we never left Nevada," said Goldie. "At least if we wasn't headliners we allus could cop out our three squares. And they wouldn't hand a gell a smile here." The team sat in si- lence, thinking of the dear old land beyond the 72 EX-HUSBAND SAVES THE EMERYS 73 Platte. "If I could get back to Carson, they'd never pry me loose, ' ' said Gertie. * ' But lookit the fare out there. If we was a couple of fellas we could ride the trucks." ""Whatever we are, we're still ladies," replied Goldie reprovingly, "so don't suggest no such a thing. It does seem that a good live act like ours ought to get a chance somewhere. Are you sure you found out about all the beaches?" "Them places all book through the agents, my dear," said Gertie, "and if you ain't got nobody to go to the front for you it's a dead bird. What's that?" "It's me!" said a voice on the other side of their door. ' ' Open this door ! " " Now it 's corn- in' off," whispered Goldie fearfully. Mrs. de Shine entered. "I'm a little short to-day, ladies," she began, "an' I'll take it as a favor if yuh'll kin'ly lemme have the twenty-four dollas yuh owe. Two weeks is plenty to wait. ' ' "We ain't worked since we come East," an- swered Goldie, "but we been promised an en- gagement fer next week, and expect to get the Poli time to f oiler. Now if you'd trust us just a day or so longer " "That stuff has all been did, Miss Emery," interrupted the landlady impatiently. "I got forty-'leven trunks down in the basement now, 74 THE MA1SON DE SHINE left by sister teams fer board. Two weeks is the extreme limit, an' ef the Musical Ziliphones hadn't said they knowed yuh folks I wouldn't have let it run over one day. So I'll ast yuh to hand me the cash, an' no more foolin'. Enough is enough." ' ' My gracious ! What shall we do f Say sum- pin' to stall her off," whispered Goldie. Gertie spoke: "All we kin do is to leave our trunk, then," she said sadly. "If they's any way you kin think of we kin do any better, and us layin' off, we'll be glad to do the best we kin." The team gazed anxiously at her. From the hall came the sound of voices raised in angry argument. "One minnit," said the landlady. She went out to investigate. The team followed. They nudged one another gloom- ily. If parted from their trunk, in which their entire possessions were stored, what would hap- pen ? Sus\, the slatternly slavey, was in the hall. Mrs. Mangle, of the Mangles Three, comedy sketch artists, with Little Minnie, the Child Wonder, had ordered the overworked slavey to dress Minnie. Then Minerva had bitten Susy upon the hand, and otherwise shown her appre- ciation of Susy's efforts to assist. "She spanked my child ! ' ' screamed Mrs. Mangle. ' ' No woman shall live who strikes my tender babe!" EX-HUSBAND SAVES THE EMERTS 75 "Then you hadn't ought to keep doggin' me an' gcttin' me to dress the brat!" yelled Susy. She raised her fist, mingling it with Mrs. Man- gle 's features. ' ' Take that ! ' ' she screeched. All the ladies joined in making loud outcry. The landlady laid the heavy hand of authority upon Susy. "Leave my house," she hissed, "and leave it quick ! ' ' ' ' That 's what I will, ' ' said Susy. ' ' Git outer my way ! ' ' Awed by her fierce expression, the bellipotent Mangles stepped back as Susy made her way downstairs. Mrs. de Shine hurriedly prepared to descend in the wake of her servant. "Don't be a fool, Susy, ' ' said she. ' ' Here yuh got a good home, with a boss whose heart is as big as a ox, an' everythin' homelike an' nice, so why leave it? Yunno, o' course, in front of the guests I gotta keep up discipline. But I'll see Mis' Mangle, an' Minnie sha'n't bother yuh again, now take it from me. So g'wan up an' do them third-floor rooms, 'cause a hull gang of burlesque people is comin' in to-day." 1 ' Not fur mine, ' ' sullenly replied Susy. ' * All bets is off!" She kept her word. In vain the landlady of- fered an alluring increase of wage, with more leisure. Susy packed her two valises, and in 76 THE MAISON DE SHINE thirty minutes she had drawn her pay and de- parted, disdainfully declining speech with any but the Emery Sisters, who had always spoken kindly to her. The latter were relieved that the incident had removed them, at least temporarily, from the landlady's mind. They retired to their room, where Goldie unlocked the trunk. "Here!" she said excitedly, "let's both put on another skirt over what we're wearin*. Then we kin fill up our stockin's, an* even if it is hot it won't kill us to put on our winter coats, so if we have to vamp we'll have a few things, anyway." They arrayed themselves rapidly. While en- deavoring to stuff three shirtwaists into a stock- ing well filled when only her shapely limb was covered by its length, Goldie had an idea. * ' Lis- ten ! ' ' she said. ' ' Do you hear her yellin ' down in the hall?" Mrs. de Shine's shrill tones could have been heard much farther, as she alternately reviled Susy and lamented her lack of servitors, just when they were most needed. "In half an hour I got sixteen people gittin' in," she announced, "an' the dinner dishes to be helped with." ' l We've tried out the show business," said Goldie to her partner, "now I'm game, if you are. Let's ast De Shine for a job, an' work out the bill." The first shock over, Gertie began EX-HUSBAND SAVES THE EMERYS 77 to think well of the scheme. Together they sought the landlady. " You give us four a week each, and our board and room, and we'll go to work for you," said Gertie. Mrs. de Shine reflected. "I'll make it six an' a half a week fer the two," she returned, after serious consideration, "an' of course yuh gotta work out that bill. I'll see that yuh git a rull nice room, an' the work ain't hard. One gell kin do it, but I don't mind doin' yuh a favor an' hirin' the two." The deal was made. Ten minutes later the Emery Sisters were busily beating pillows upon which the heads of Bingo and Leo, an acrobatic team, would repose later. It was a relief not to be forced to tramp from one agent to another, and Gertie, aside from a slight feeling of shame that her equals in the profession should see her engaged in menial employment, appeared not to mind the work. Goldie derived real pleasure from it. Next morning, as they straightened the six-a- week room of Arabella, the whirlwind dancer billed as Arabella and Her Arabian Whirlwinds Goldie picked up a contract from Arabella's table. "This says ninety for the turn!" she ex- claimed, "and her settin' at the table sayin' Morris got $200 fur the British- American tour! 78 THE MA1SON DE SHINE Kin you beat it ? These dames are all prevari- cators. My! her clothes ain't much, either." They examined the absent Arabella's wardrobe critically, also the photos of her friends, which were ranged in a neat row along the dresser, and did it as thoroughly as a maid bred to the business. It will be seen that coming in such close con- tact with the private affairs of the boarders offered much entertainment. Goldie and Gertie were not troubled by finicky notions which would prevent their investigating anything which in- terested them. It was delightful, having heard the bragging of various ladies and gentlemen at the dinner-table as to their salaries, admirers, clothing, and so on, to ascertain whenever pos- sible, just how much of it had been a truthful relation of facts. "Here's a letter from that guy, Sam, that Maizie Mullet is allus sayin' has got nothin' but money," Gertie remarked one afternoon, "an' he says in it he hopes to be changed from night to day clerk in the Turkish bath. Ain't she the bird?" And that night, while Miss Mullet dis- coursed upon the wealth and social position of her admirer, two mocking giggles were heard, which appeared to annoy her. Goldie and Ger- tie, waiting upon the table, noted her discom- fiture with much satisfaction. Miss Mullet fell EX-HUSBAND SAVES THE EMERYS 79 silent, saying no more about Sammy's automo- bile which was, alas ! a trolley car. It was early on Monday morning. Mrs. de Shine and her new maids were eating their breakfast in the dining-room. ' * Would yuh pre- fer steak or aigs ? ' ' asked the former. Both said they would like eggs. The colored cook presently brought the food. There were two fried eggs, with some crisp bacon, for the landlady, but only an egg apiece for Goldie and Gertie, with a strip of dark-gray bacon curling limply around them. "I'd like another egg, ' ' Goldie remarked boldly. Mrs. de Shine frowned. * ' Parding me, gells, ' ' she replied coldly. ' ' One aig is suttenly plenty. Aigs are dretful dear, in the fust place, an' in the seckind, it's flying in the face of Heaving to git the stummick all het up in the hot weather, They's plenty breakfast food, an' all my gells has et the meals set before them, an' done no complaininV "Well, we ain't regular gells, only volun- teers," said Gertie, who was hungry. "You got two. Why ain't we?" "I do twict the work you do, as fer as that goes," said the landlady, "so I need to eat to keep up my strength. ' ' ' * Another egg, or I won 't clean a lick. ' ' Ger- 80 THE MAISON DE SHINE tie's tone was firm. She kicked Goldie under the table. 1 'An' this is awful coffee," put in the latter. "It's the same cawfee as* the guests drink!" cried Mrs. de Shine, exasperated. "I guess in my own house I won't be told what I'll do, not by nobody! They's some cold stoo left from last night, out 'n the kitching, an' I ain't got no ob- jection to bein' a good feller an' havin' it brung in. But no more aigs." Gertie usually talked for the team. "All right," she agreed suddenly, "that'll do." Goldie was surprised at this backing down from a stand once taken. Later she understood. The manager of the "Jolly Home Breakers" burlesque troupe had written for the second- floor front suite. "Git the soot all framed up nice," command- ed Mrs. de Shine. "His wife is comin', too, an' they ain 't been married long. I wisht yuh 'd git the curtains up first, an' then sweep it, an' sweep good. It was never gave nothin' but a dustin' an' a promise while that scalawag Susy was here." Arrived in the front-floor suite, Gertie locked the door, threw her broom and other tools upon the floor, and seated herself in a rocker. "Sit down," she invited, and Goldie, yawning sleepily, found a comfortable chair. EX-HUSBAND SAVES THE EMERYS 81 "If she does twice as much work as us," ob- served Gertie, ' ' she 's a wonder. We '11 just take it easy. Let's stick in here till she hunts us up, and then hand her a talk. If I work here I'm goin' to get enough to eat, because we could go and be some other party's maids." This had not occurred to Goldie before. She chuckled joyously. "We could beat it an* take the trunk out of hock when we get a piece of change saved up, of course," she said. They rocked, conversing cheerfully, for an hour. Then Mrs. de Shine appeared. "Here! it's almost time to set the table fur lunch!" she shouted, when Goldie had opened the door. "What yuh been doin'? Oh, am I all us to be cursed with gells too blame lazy to stir a step?" "We been so weak since havin' only that stingy little egg this mornin' that we just ain't able to move," explained Gertie. "I couldn't ever work unless I was treated right, and had good meals. We was offered a dollar more each a week in Miss de Gray's place, up the street. She wants us to come right off, too. ' ' "And she's a lovely woman," added Goldie. "I s'pose you know her?" "Yes, I suttenly do," said Mrs. de Shine grimly, "an' of all the cats, Gawgie de Gray is 82 TEE MAISON DE SHINE the limit! As fur meals, Maggie de Shine sets a better table than she ever done in her life, an' where she's got a mob of medicine-show an' one- hoss circus folks, I git the topliners of vodeville an' burlesque, an' that ain't no kid. "Ef ef yuh go over there, it ain't treatin' me right," she went on. "Now, I'm willin' to do any thin' to make yuh feel better, an' yuh bein' in hard luck, I'd do even more, because I was onct in the perfession, an' the dear knows I got a feelin' fur them what gits up ag'in' it. Yuh go down and tell cook to git yuh up a nice meal of ham an' aigs, an' then come up an' do yer work, an' hustle. Yuh '11 git jest what I do in future. Kin I do more?" Goldie and Gertie scampered downstairs. Three eggs, with a plentiful supply of ham, slipped into the empty interior of each young woman. Eefreshed and strengthened, they re- turned to work. The rooms were cleaned, with all in order, when the burlesque manager got in. He did not appear at dinner that evening. When Gertie rapped on his door the following morning she was requested to enter by a statu- esque blonde lady, who wore a flowing blue silk gown, with many diamond ornaments strewn across her ample chest. "You can come in," she said amiably. It was the manager's wife. She read a paper as the maids set her apart- EX-HUSBAND SAVES THE EMERYS 83 ment to rights. On the mantel was a photograph of a gentleman with a large black mustache and wavy black hair. Goldie was wiping the dust from the mantel when her eye fell upon it. "Oh!" she ejaculated, staggering back in dis- may. " Gracious! Is she sick?" inquired the large lady. Gertie looked at the picture. It was of Gol- die 's divorced husband. "Oh, I was just took sick for a minute," said Goldie hurriedly. " It 's the heat. ' ' She glanced warningly at her partner, who smiled knowingly. "So that's his new wife, eh?" said Goldie later. ' ' Did you pipe the rocks she had on ? I bet he never bought 'em fur her less'n he's changed a lot. He was the meanest man alive, John Eockett was. I'd like to know how he got to be manager of any thin*. He was doin' twelve turns a day at White City in Chicago, last I heard of him." "This blonde's prob'ly got money," suggest- ed Gertie. ' l Say ! we kin make him like it here, dearie, before we git through. You do the room, see, an' make cracks at him." They arranged an enjoyable stay for Mr. Eockett. 84 The Rocketts went to dinner with the other boarders. Mr. Mangle started a discussion about second marriages. 1 1 Both my wife an ' me was married before," said he, "and look at us. We 're as happy as the day is long. ' ' The board- ers giggled, for the Mangles battled among themselves from dawn to eve. "It's the first time for me, and for John," said Mrs. Rockett fondly. "Yes, she's my first and only love," remarked Mr. Rockett. Goldie was serving him with meat at this moment. Her indignation almost mas- tered her. As it was, a slice of beef slid from the platter and down Mr. Rockett 's natty pink and pleated shirt-front, whereat he cursed furi- ously, and Mrs. de Shine spoke bitterly to her careless retainer. "I'm ever so sorry," muttered Goldie. Mr. Rockett turned around. He saw her. It did not seem to please him that the ex-Mrs. Rockett should hear his loving protestations of affection, made for the benefit of No. 2. He paled. From the other side of the table Gertie winked roguishly at him. Mr. Rockett sighed heavily. He knew Gertie. Her surmise as to the source of his present prosperity was correct. Mrs. Rockett was well to do, and she knew how to keep her money. He regretted that he had foolishly agreed to her EX-HUSBAND SAVES THE EMERYS 85 wish to see the place where actors lived and had their being. But she had insisted, and it is not always policy to thwart a reasonable desire on the part of the goose which lays the golden egg. He finished his dinner quickly, but Mrs. Rock- ett was in no hurry. She proposed to remain and observe the members of her husband's pro- fession, of which she hoped some day to be a member, at close range. "Come on, angel; it's too warm in here," he urged. She said he might go, if he wished. Mr. Rockett dared not leave her with Goldie. What awful tale might not that young woman pour into his bride's ear? Goldie brought up a pitcher of ice-water later. Mr. Rockett took it from her. His first idea was to get her alone, and beg her to keep still. This he rejected, because it might put him in a worse position. Every day Gertie and Goldie "did" their rooms and waited upon them at table. Mrs. Rockett took a fancy to Goldie. ' ' I am going to hire her for my maid, ducky, ' ' she told him. ' ' She is so cute and oh ! she says the funniest things ! She was telling me about coming from 'Frisco, and once she was a per- former, too. ' ' "We got him goin'," said Gertie gleefully, 86 TEE MAISON DE SHINE after Goldie had accepted the place as maid. " Ain't it rich?" They were in the kitchen, after dinner, one night, when Mr. Rockett, pale and excited, found them. "Goldie," he commenced pleadingly. "G'wan away from me, before I tell my new boss, your wife," said Goldie crossly. * ' Listen ! "What '11 you take to skiddoo and cut this maid gag?" he asked earnestly. They had not expected to do more than annoy him. Both ladies had seen about all the do- mestic service they cared to see. "Two tickets to the camp of Rawhide, Ne- vada, and the price of grub on the way. ' ' Goldie was shaking with awakened hope. "Goldie, you're a good fellow," said Mr. Rockett, much moved. "You bet your life I will. iWhat'll it come to?" "It's cost us over a hundred apiece," said Goldie thoughtfully. "Gimme $300, and you'll be free as a bird." Mr. Rockett was counting out money before she finished. "If if you could beat it to-night, now, or else early in the morning," he said, "I'd take it as a favor. Eva's acting to me as if she had an ace in the hole, an' she might get tipped off; but if you're not here I'm safe." EX-HUSBAND SAVES THE EMERYS 87 He handed the money to the ex-Mrs. Rockett and hastened out. "Let's sit up all night/' said Gertie, when she could speak. * ' The honkatonks back in camp are good enough for me. "We'll jump this burg to-morrow. Are you willing?" "Am I?" breathed Goldie happily. "Just try me ! ' ' THE SCENTED LETTERS ' ' SUSY, look here a minnit ! I wisht yuh 'd try an' see ef yuh notice anything on this envelope," said Mrs. de Shine. She sniffed at a letter which she had taken from a pile of mail intended for her guests. The slavey, again wearing the livery of the boarding-house, and obedient always, assumed a thoughtful air as she took the missive, which bore the name of Mr. Johnson, the property man. "From a woman, Mis' de Shine," she said. "My! yes. I kin smell new-mown hay perfume as plain as ever was." "I knew it!" cried the landlady. "Oh, ain't he the liar? He swore up 'n' down to me, only last evening that he never got no letters from wimeng at all. It seems like yuh can't believe nobody, don't it? I just wonder what's in it?" "We could steam it open an* shet it again' so he couldn't tell," suggested Susy delicately. "Yes, an' he'd find it out, sure." The land- lady, who possessed much regard for the mental 88 THE SCENTED LETTERS 89 activity of the Property Man, shook her head sagely. "He's a dretful observin' fella, Susy. This ain't nothin' short of a blow to me." "Has Mista Johnson ever made what you could call a proposal?" asked Susy. Mrs. de Shine shrugged her stout shoulders coquettishly. "Them things hadn't oughta be hollered around," said she; "but it's a fact that while he never come out an' in so many words declared his intentions, they's sutten signs that no lady kin be mistook about. Yuh may have had the same experience yerself." "The party who owns a cab, that come here when he wa'n't sober that evenin', he done the same way," said Susy. "I'd oughter sued him fur breach of promise, too, fur leavin' me, but still a lady hates to be doin' them indelikit things, I think, don't you, mum?" "It ain't the kinda action I approve of," agreed the landlady. "No ; if they got no more sense than to blow one who's everything she should be, with a figger which win a medal in Lydia Thompson's Blondes, when the troupe was fust on tower, then let him go." She referred, rather bitterly, to the star boarder. The print of her agitated thumb was beginning to show upon his letter, for the day was warm, and the thumb not particularly clean 90 THE MAISON DE SHINE after a session of curtain hanging in the rooms of the Mangles Three. "I'd better lay it back,'* she decided. Into her mind crawled a sudden suspicion, and she made it audible. "Ef yuh ever dare breathe a word of this to him, Susy," she said excitedly, "I'd I'd well, anyway, don 't yuh ! ' ' "Lawsy!" said Susy soothingly, "I got too much respeck fur my sex, I hope, to go givin' one of his a chance to git stuck up 'cause some- body thinks sumpin' of him. Sho ! You kin git twenty what's better 'n him, Mis' de Shine. Don't you let him worry you." Sighing, Mrs. de Shine nodded. She smelled once again of the scented letter, and crinkled her face at a thought which her mind sent forth into a joyless smile. "She kin have him!" she cried fiercely. "Lord ! I don't want him. Yes, yuh bettcha life, they's jest as many fish in the sea as was ever drawed out of it. ' ' "That's the only thing that sort o' consoles me fur losin' the cabman," said the slavey hope- fully. ' * Let 'em all go, that 's what I say. They 's allus others." With rebellious spirit, Mrs. de Shine greeted the Property Man when he entered the front hall. THE SCENTED LETTERS 91 "Here's some mail what jest arriv'," she ob- served. "I perceive yer lady fren uses the identical same kind of perfume I do. New- mown hay, yunno. I think it's the most refined odor in the world. Is she light or dark?" The Property Man pulled at his cigarette meditatively. "As to that, can't say," said he, "seein' as the handwritin's strange to me." "Oh!" said Mrs. de Shine jealously. Her tone sounded unfamiliarly upon his ears, so he glanced at her curiously. Then he laughed an irritating laugh, to which she replied with a cold look. "You needn't think I care who she is," she said defiantly, and turned away. He smiled when he stood alone in the hall, dully lighted by a jumping little flame from one gas jet. He put the letter in his pocket thought- fully. "I didn't s'pose," he ruminated, "that she'd fall for it the first crack out of the box. Dogged if she ain't the curiousest female that I ever trun a lamp on, an' at that, I've knowed a few who could go some, too." The landlady was in the dining-room, assist- ing Susy to arrange the dishes, for it was almost time for the clang of the meal gong to resound throughout the Maison de Shine. 92 THE MAISON DE SHINE She carefully added another story to a peril- ously high structure of pickled beets, which oc- cupied a position of prominence in the center of her table. Susy set forth an array of bread and butter, and, with a tinny clatter, deposited knives and forks at the places of her guests. "He won't git the luxuries he does here, if he marries the cat," said the landlady acidly. "He's been give sirloin steak, bought a-pur- pose by me jest fer him, while the other boarders tuck round steak, an' was darned well pleased to git it, an' Heaving only knows the other fa- vors that has been heaped on him in a bewilder- in' shower oh, the men is all as mean as kin be!" She wiped her eyes with a corner of the side- board cover and gloomily convoyed a dish of stewed prunes to the table. "I wish her a hull lot of joy of him," she said. "He won't make any wonderful hit when she finds out how cranky he kin be 'round break- fast time, but the dear knows it suttenly ain't none of my affair." At dinner she treated the Property Man with chill hauteur. His soup was even colder than her manner, and he grabbed vainly at the roast- beef platter as Susy carried it past, eluding his grasp with ease made possible by long practice. THE SCENTED LETTERS 93 There were other troubles to be aired in pub- lic that night. The Mangles Three came in to- gether^ Mrs. Mangle sad-eyed and martyr-like of mien, her husband red-faced, and plainly dis- playing signs of irritation. Little Minnie was quite loquacious regarding her parents. "Mommer's goin' to the bughouse," said the Child Wonder cheerfully. ' ' Her an ' pop 's fight- in', an' he says she's gotta go. Didn' you, pop?" "Coward!" hissed Mrs. Mangle at her hus- band.. "So you have inundated my child's in- fant brain with your slanderous accusations, have you?" "Bully, Minnie," said the landlady severely, "sech remarks is far from nice, comin' from little gells. You'd oughta ast yer monomer's parding. I'm suttenly s 'prised at you." "It is her father's fault!" cried Mrs. Mangle, "and I demand a hearing from those present to-night." "Quit yer fussin'!" exclaimed Mr. Mangle angrily. "I'm dogged if you ain't enough to make a guy decide that stranglin' his wife's a lawful way to behave ! Quit it, d 'you hear me ! ' ' "You forget yourself, sir !" Mrs. Mangle, ges- ticulating majestically with a dill pickle which she was in process of eating, glared at him. "I 94 THE MAISON DE SHINE am a free white woman, and not a slave, and I defy you ! Yes, defy you ! ' ' "In th' name of Heck, what's comin' off?" asked the Property Man. "What's the use you people rowin'f It don't do no good." "Put me in a madhouse, indeed!" stormed Mrs. Mangle, slamming the pickle upon her plate. "Oh, the villain! the ruffian! How I loathe him!" "Madhouse?" queried Mrs. Trippit, wife of the buck dancer. * * Do you really mean it I Why, Mr. Mangle!" Mr. Mangle blushed at her shocked tone. The landlady had been about to proffer the stewed tomatoes to him, but as she heard the accusation of his wife she jerked the vegetable away. "Kin'ly explain jest what yuh been a-doin' to yer unfortunit wife now," she said, "an' do it immejut. They won't be no man startin' nothin' like that in the penshun conducted by Maggie de Shine. I'm all fur family relations bein' cordial an* nice, but when a choice has gotta be made between hushing an' wife, I'm fur her. "I've suffered too much at the hands of un- feelin' dawgs belongin' to yer sex, Bill Mangle, an' ef yuh think yuh '11 git by with any sech stuff as that in a house run solely fur refined mem- TEE SCENTED LETTERS 95 bers of the perfession, take another guess. The ideerl" "Mommer wouldn't take her bow to-day, an' pop says he 's goin' to git her put in Mattywon !" cried little Minnie shrilly. "Ef he does, then it'll be the Mangles Two in our act; but ef pop don't feature me in the bills, I ain't goin' to work no more with him, 'cause I could do a child wonder turn by my lonely now, couldn't I, mommer?" "Oh, Minerva! how can you?" reproached her mother. "Have you no heart, that you can so callously refer to parting from your mom- ma?" "If parties is daffy, they can't be let to go 'round loose," said little Minnie, with her usual engaging candor, * ' can they, Mis ' Trippit f ' ' Birdie Trippit was a young woman whose na- ture held much of kindness toward all those who were oppressed. She turned upon the Wonder a disgusted eye, then grasped the hand of Mrs. Mangle. "You'd be doin' right to cut loose from both of 'em, Louisa," she said warmly. "By Heck, her friends '11 look out fur her, if Mangle won't," declared the Property Man. "That's sure the limit, that kind of talk. What ails you? Are you soused?" "No, I ain't," replied Mr. Mangle, showing 96 THE MAISON DE SHINE no repentance, "not much. I'd like to git a word in edgeways 'round here before my head gits bit off. We been expectin' to git booked over the United time fur a month, an' to-day a feller tells me to g'wan up an' see a certain party, who'll git us booked. "Well, I fix it, an' the best I draw fur bringing' this here dame the news is an im- pident answer that she hopes at least when we git into advanced vodeville I'll quit boozin' with the stage-hands. "Kin that be looked on as a wifely greetin'? 'Tain 't no more 'n insultin ', that 's what. Durin ' the act, when she's doin' her saxophone solo, I keep workin' up the comedy, so that she gits lair's she'd never git alone, an' that's no kid." "I have never pretended," interrupted Mrs. Mangle haughtily, "to be a past mistress of the art of buffoonery. I am a musical artist, not a clown." "Well, clown parts been gittin' me a livin' since I been in the business," he retorted, "an* as an originator of tricks I got few equals, an' that goes without a copper, see f She gits a big hand on the solo, an' she wouldn't take her en- core, nor even show herself again. Therefore, I say that bein' as the stage damager hands me a call because she done it, they ain't no place but the nut factory fur her. She knows it's only THE SCENTED LETTERS 97 a kid, an' here she has to bawl me out in front of the hull bunch." "Then yuh was but jestin'?" inquired Mrs. de Shine. "A' course, that's different. All of us has made them cracks when het up. I hope yuh folks '11 kiss an' make up." "Ef they do it here, when mommer gits him upstairs she'll clout him, won't you, mommer?" prattled little Minnie. Mrs. Mangle smiled in a satisfied fashion. There was confidence in the smile, and Mrs. Trippit met it with a significant glance. "I hardly think that Mr. Mangle will raise his hand against me, being, at the moment, in full possession of his faculties," remarked his wife complacently. All the ladies giggled. The Property Man's sympathy had shifted abruptly to his fellow- man. "You ain't never content," began Mr. Man- gle passionately, "unless you're raggin' me. Without a break, it keeps on. You've told me I was dippy a million times, an' did I go beefin' it out to everybody? You ain't a good feller, an' never was." "A natural knocker, that's what she is," pri- vately confided Johnny Trippit to his neighbor, Mr. Bounder, of the Acrobatic Bounders; "see how she twists things around? I hate to have 98 THE MAISON DE SHINE Birdie go near her, 'cause she's always cookin' up trouble." The Mangles, having finished the fracas with which they invariably enlivened dinner, fed in silence for a few moments. Mrs. de Shine, making a round of her boarders, halted beside Mrs. Mangle. "How pretty that there white waist done up, ' ' said the former graciously. "I do have sech trouble gittin' lace ironed without 'em simply puttin' it on the fritz." The ladies held animated converse about the evils for which laundries are responsible. Mrs. de Shine bent closer to her friend. "Do yuh use new-mown hay perfume, Lou- iser?" she asked. The Property Man, during a sudden pause, heard her, and he noted Mrs. Mangle 's innocent gaze as she replied that she did not, because she disliked it. The landlady's eye caught his at that moment. His face flushed, and although he grinned fool- ishly, she felt certain that a mystery was in the air. "Do yuh use it, Mista Johnson?" she demand- ed sharply. " Me ?" he stammered. "No! Course not. I got no use fur guys who put that junk on 'em- selves," THE SCENTED LETTERS 99 "Why do you ask, dear Mrs. de Shine?" Mrs. Mangle's tone carried curiosity. "I jest wondered," said the landlady, "that's all." When dinner was over Mrs. de Shine wound the dining-room clock and attended to her other duties about the house. She bade Susy leave the wiping of the dinner dishes to the cook. ''I want yuh," said she. "Listen here. Has Mis ' Mangle got any perfume bottles upstairs ? Or did yuh ever notice her writin '-paper!" "Not as I know of; She ain't got no perfume but German cologne an' appil blossom," said the slavey thoughtfully. "Lemme see, about the paper. Yessum, I have saw some. It's pale pink, with some kind of flower in the corner." "Yuh don't tell me it's a furgit-me-not!" asked Mrs. de Shine. Susy reflected for a moment, and announced that, were she apt at description of things hor- ticultural, the design upon Mrs. Mangle's pink stationery could be called a forget-me-not. "Then she's the devil who sent him that note," said Mrs. de Shine; "it's as clear as glass to me. Yuh'd oughta seen him jump when I ast that question about it. An' there, like a pore deluded idjit, I stood up fur her to-night. It makes me feel like stickin' a knife into both of 'em." 100 TEE MA1SON DE SHINE Susy's mind did not work as quickly as the busy brain of her employer. She requested more information on the subject under discus- sion. Mrs. de Shine's opinion was that, under the very eyes of every one, the Property Man and Mrs. Mangle were exchanging sentimental notes. "An' her the mother of a child the size of Minnie the brat ! ' ' cried Mrs. de Shine. ' * Ain 't it enough to kill yer faith in anything? An' yunno, as fur as kin be observed, he jest detests her. But that's his cunnin' way, Susy, an' yuh kin take it from me I've hit on the right answer. She wrote that letter." "I don't think sech goin's on is very ladylike fur a married person," remarked the virtuous slavey. * ' Hadn 't her husband oughta be told ? ' ' "As to that, we got to dope it out," said the landlady. "She'd lie out of it. No. In the detective stories yuh allus git a sample of their handwritin', an' we'll have to git some of her's. Go ast her to write down the name of the place where she got them tan shoes I was astin' about yestiddy." The slavey awaited Mrs. Mangle's return from a Harlem Theater. When she appeared Susy delivered the message. "It's Brown's, Third Avenue and Sixteenth THE SCENTED LETTERS 101 Street. You can remember it," answered the suspect calmly. * ' Tell her that. ' ' "It's the same as givin' me the hoss laff," said Mrs. de Shine angrily upon receipt of the address. "She's on that we want her writin', an' she's too darned foxy to do anything. But she better have a care, fur I'm on guard now, an' I'll git her yet an' Johnson, too, the mis'- able scoundrel!" As the week went on, the Property Man smiled to himself whenever the landlady was not in his vicinity. No one mended his socks now, nor was his plate freighted by delicacies which un- favored guests might not obtain. Each day a note in a pale-pink envelope, with a chaste design of blue flowers in the corner, came in the mail, and reposed on top of the steam-heater in the hall, where the mail was deposited, as it arrived, by Susy. The letters reeked of new-mown hay, and the fragrance maddened Mrs. de Shine when her fevered gaze fell upon the pink mail of Mr. Johnson. He offered no comment as she personally con- veyed them into his hands. "She's a rull stiddy writer," she said, when the sixth note had come. "Are yuh engaged, Mista Johnson?" "They're from a pal o' mine who's in the 102 TEE MAISON DE SHINE hospital," he rejoined easily. "He's lonesome, so he writes me a letter every day, an' it makes sumpin' fur him to do." "He's got lovely taste in scent an' paper," she said sarcastically. "Most gents don't use sech smart writin' materials." "Wai, Joe does. He's a pertikler guy," he informed her. "Drat him! He needn't think he's foolin' me," she ruminated, when he had departed. "Oh, why does men never see the wimeng clost to home who'd cherish 'em like kings, an' in- stead, go runnin' after some hussy what cares nothin' fur 'em at all? I wisht I knew." That night a tenderer feeling for him grew into full flower in her heart. Perhaps he was not in love with Mrs. Mangle. He might be merely finding out to what length of indiscretion she would go. "Here's yer letter," she announced at dinner. "I furgot to bring it in before." Mrs. Mangle looked up. "Somebody has paper like mine," she said playfully. "A sweetheart, Mr. Johnson?" The Property Man replied with an evasive mumble. Mrs. de Shine sighed heavily. Mrs. Mangle's treachery toward Mr. Mangle was a horrid sight to view. That night another pink note lay on the steam- TEE SCENTED LETTERS 103 heater. The landlady, passing through the hall, glimpsed it, and stopped, with a thrill. "Two in one day," she whispered tearfully. "Oh, shame on her! She's makin' some sort of date." Mrs. de Shine was very fond of the Property Man. The longer she looked at the envelope holding within it a secret which she yearned to know, the more determined she became. It was unfair to the wronged Mangle, and to the Child Wonder, for her not to make an effort to save Mrs. Mangle from the dread result of such folly. This noble resolve was a prettier reflection than that she should open the letter to satisfy her own anguished mind. Firmly she took the note and fled into her boudoir, where, with only Fido, the poodle, to watch, she boldly broke the seal of pink wax. "Dear Maggie," was written in a large hand, "if you don't open this I lose ten bucks to Trip- pit, becos he bet you wouldn't. If you do, all right, I lose. "Your friend, "C. JOHNSON. "P.S. Am glad you like new-mown hay." She stared at it a long time before she called Susy. 104 THE MAISON DE SHINE "That raskil's went an' stole Mis' Mangle's paper," said Susy excitedly; " that's it, mum. Oh Iain 'the the pig?" "An' bein' so sure I'd open it," wept Mrs. de Shine, "that's the hard part. Cuss him!" Susy rushed from the room as if hit with an idea. She came back bearing some pink paper, like that which still lay upon the table before the landlady. "Let's copy that envelope," said the enter- prising maid. "I believe I kin do as good as he done, 'cause it's a disguised hand, anyway. I got this in the Mangles' room." At midnight the Property Man entered the house with Johnny Trippit. "Note fur you," said the landlady indiffer- ently. Both gentlemen walked toward the steam- heater. Mr. Trippit took out his watch. "Time's up on that bet. Gimme my ten," said he exultantly. "Ha! ha! That's one on you!" "Wai, you win," and the Property Man pulled a bill from his pocket. "What yuh boys up to?" Mrs. de Shine had joined them, and she spoke cordially. "You wouldn't guess in forty years," said the Property Man gaily. He tore the pink note into little bits slowly. "You're the best feller THE SCENTED LETTERS 105 goin', Maggie,'* he said affectionately, "an* allus was." "Oh, behave!" murmured Mrs. de Shine coyly. As she made ready to retire she laughed hap- "I don't care fur his old bets," she said soft- ly. " Men are all silly, anyway. Jest so it ain't no female. Mebbe I'll git him after all who knows ? ' ' THE PROPERTY MAN FOILS A SUITOR MRS. DE SHINE was surveying the supply of canned vegetables upon her kitchen shelves. "It does seem like people got no idee that these here >- delicacies cost cash money," she observed. ''Four entire cans of tuhmattas used at dinner last night is nothin' short of imitatin' the feasts of them early Roming parties, which the same et a hull lot too much, in my opinion." "B. Algernon Lafayette had three helpuns of 'em, Mis' de Shine," reported Susy. "He's a hearty feeder. Will I tell him next time he can't have no more?" The landlady simpered. "Exceptions, Susy," she returned, ' * allus gotta be made. Mista La- fayette 's a gelmun, an' ust to the best. An' as a member of the dramatic perfession he's entitled to the respect of all people who got brains." "Is he in vodeville?" asked the slavey. "I ain't never seed his name on no bills. "That in itself kinnot be took as a knock," explained Mrs. de Shine. "A' course I was 106 PROPERTY MAN FOILS A SUITOR 107 a performer onct myself, an' done livin' pic- tures in bronze when they was first put on, an' I have never forsook what yuh might call my own kind; yet say what yuh will, the legits is of higher class. An' he was a legit. That man has played with the leadin' comp'nies." "I never s 'posed he was much," confessed Susy. "Exceptin' Andrew Mack an' ' Young Buffalo, King of the Wild West,' I ain't hep to them people." " Don't display yer painful ignorance!" ex- claimed Mrs. de Shine. "With Mista Lafayette on the bill, them fellas 'd be closin' the show. Ah! one kin tell a person of culture by their bearin'." She counted the number of tins of condensed milk, while Susy scoured knives from a pile upon the table. l ' He was askin ' if you got much money," remarked Susj r , "only yestiddy. He said you was a grand woman. ' ' "Did he?" cried Mrs. de Shine vivaciously. "I'm sure I dunno why he should compliment me so, seein' as I haven't done nothin' fur him, except, a' course, in the way of purvidin' a little extry service at the table." "Prob'ly he took notice of your figger," said Susy, who was able, upon occasion, to adminis- ter flattery pleasantly. "Susy! how kin yuh?" demanded her em- 108 TEE MAISON DE SHINE ployer, with a transparent assumption of sever- ity. ' * I 'm sure I never s 'much as looked at him. While my mind's on it, yuh kin change the cur- tings in his room to-morrow." Accompanied by Fido, the waddling, blear- eyed poodle, Mrs. de Shine flicked a powdering of flour from her light blue kimono and pro- gressed to the front hall. A man with long and somewhat frowsy gray hair was entering. He seized her pudgy hand, saluting it ardently with his elderly lips. "Dearest madam!" greeted Mr. Lafayette, of the "legitimate" stage, "I knew that through- out all the dull, drear day, some one thing had been lacking. I have not earlier been privi- leged to caress this little hand." "Oh, rully, Mista Lafayette, yuh must be- have!" coyly bleated Mrs. de Shine. "Ain't the wind outside dretful? I was jest sayin' to Susy that we got to put an extry blankit on yer bed to-night, for one kinnot be too careful of ketchin' cold." "Sweetest of creatures!" murmured Mr. La- fayette gratefully. "So good, so thoughtful of the poor player, who can make no better return than to swear that he would gladly lay down his life for your sake." The landlady dropped her eyes in confusion. "I'm sure I'd never ast no sech sacrifice, Mista Lafayette, ' ' she replied. * ' But lemme say this : Consider the Maisong de Shine yer home while in Noo Yawk. They may be sweller penshuns, which I do not deny, but yuh kin allus feel that yer among yer f rens. ' ' Fido, distressed by her partiality for the boarder, barked sharply. His protests received no notice, so, piqued at such unusual treatment, Fido circled about, growled angrily, and unex- pectedly sank his teeth in Mr. Lafayette's leg, just above the besmudged gray spats which cov- ered those fat ankles. When Fido had been pried loose, his mistress whipped her treasure until his howls of pain rang through the house. Mr. Lafayette fled, limping, and muttering unkindly about the pam- pered poodle. ' ' Say ! where does Maggie find the old dope on the end?" asked the Property Man at dinner, an hour later. "He's gettin' steak while we got to take this everlastin' stoo or fried fish. That ain't a square deal." Gertie McNoodle, of De Vere and McNoodle, trick cyclists, hurriedly emptied the milk pitch- er's contents upon her bread pudding, employ- ing her free hand in reaching for the butter. "It's a cinch he ain't paid a cent since he's been here," said she. "I heard him gabbing away 110 THE MAISON DE SHINE about being too good for vodeville, and her tak- in' it all in." "I s'pose he considers himself above reker- nized performers," scornfully intimated Daisy Dubb. "Well, maybe, but I guess people who are always workin', an' booked ahead a year solid, are just about as good as any legit that' ever lived." Miss Dubb, whose act is billed as "Daisy Dubb and Her Dainty Dumplings," sneered openly at Mr. Lafayette, who complacently de- voured a succulent doughnut. "He's tryin' to grab himself a meal ticket, that 's what, ' ' insinu- ated the Property Man. "He sees her makin' good money, an' she falls easy fur that line of con he deals. She's a darned good win fur a guy like him." "Somebody ought to talk plain to her," whis- pered Mrs. Coakley, wife of "Splinters" Coak- ley, the circus clown. ' ' She '11 go marrying some no- 'count fellow, and he'll want to raise the price on board. It always happens." "I don't propose to be shook down for an- other dollar more'n I'm paying," vehemently declared Johnny Trippit, the buck dancer. His voice carried further than the ear of his immediate neighbor, whom Trippit had confi- dentially addressed. Mrs. de Shine instantly moved near him. PROPERTY MAN FOILS A SUITOR 111 1 "Seein' as yuh ain't paid nothin' fur five weeks, durin' which I notice yuh still been able to make bets on the hosses, ' ' she said pungently, ' ' I fail to see why yuh should raise yer voice on sech a subject, Mista Trippit. Mebbe yuh'd pre- fur to make a change at onct? I'm sure I'm agreeable, an' all yuh got to do is to kick in." "I was just kiddin', Mis' de Shine honest, T was, ' ' protested Trippit. ' ' As for settling now, I'll be there with bells on Sat 'day, sure. If I hadn't been runnin' in tough luck I wouldn't kep' you waitin' a day. I lose six bets in a row. ' ' "I'll be obliged to you, Mista Trippit," she answered. Her attitude was so frigidly distant that Trippit dejectedly refused pudding, of which he was especially fond, and departed from the table without permitting another word to issue from his indiscreet lips. Mr. Lafayette fed steadily while the first ta- bleful of boarders enjoyed their dinners. He was embarking upon a third supply of dessert when the "second table" reached the meat stage, and lingered leisurely over his fourth cup of cof- fee as these last hastened away to the theaters at which they were playing. Mrs. de Shine joined him in a cup of coffee as Susy, assisted by the cook, removed the dishes and the cloth. Such was the thrift of the land- 112 THE MAISON DE SHINE lady, that, undesirous of wasting a room which might bring in a financial return each week, the industrious slavey was forced to make her bed upon the dining-room table. She fetched in a bundle of quilts and pillows and an alarm clock. Mrs. de Shine contended that slaveys could not possess the delicate nerves of their superi- ors, and so that Susy might not sleep too solidly the clock was placed upon a chair just beneath the spot upon which her head rested. Observing her minion's restless movements, Mrs. de Shine affably invited Mr. Lafayette to a chat in her boudoir, inside which only preferred intimates were permitted. * ' Do you not at times feel lonely, dearest lady?" he queried. Mrs. de Shine sighed. "I suttenly do," said she. "A' course durin' my life with De Shine, they was little hap 'ness fur me, an' yet I have looked back to the past an' wisht even fur the sound of his voice, an' the dear knows of all the shiftless souses he tuck the prize." "And has no one touched your heart, dear friend?" Mr. Lafayette's tone was soft and gentle as light-falling rain upon the fragile wild rose. The landlady glanced coquettishly at him. Mr. Lafayette patted her hand. "May I dare I call you Maggie?" he pursued. "It is my favorite of all names." PROPERTY MAN FOILS A SUITOR 113 Susy abruptly interrupted a scene which might have terminated in a proposal from the sagacious Lafayette. "Coppit and Blow's let the water run over in the third-floor bath ! ' ' she shouted. "The plaster's a-fallin' through ! An' I hearn the Omaha Comedy Four plannin' to beat it without payin' up, jest a minnit ago." "Mercy me! if this ain't the extreme limit!" exclaimed Mrs. de Shine. "Get the cook, an' yuh an' her sop up the water before things is completely ruint. It seems like when t 'ain't one thing it's another. I'll see that quartet in pus- son, an ' I bet I make 'em regret it ef they start gittin' rough house with me, an' them stallin' me off fur two hull weeks !" "Ah! does not this but too clearly show that a strong right arm is needed in your service?" demanded Mr. Lafayette. ' * Would that I might be the fortunate fellow. ' ' Agreeably excited by such plain speech, the landlady bustled upstairs, with Fido panting in the rear. Household cares employed her tune until after midnight. Mr. Lafayette, weary of awaiting her return, assumed his outer gar- ments and left the house. He turned into Fourteenth Street with his thoughts intent upon a project which held al- luring promise of languorous days of easy liv- ing. "It can be done," he reflected cheerfully,, 114 TEE MAISON DE SHINE "and why delay? By Jove! it's a wonderful scheme, and worthy of me, too." At the corner of Fourth Avenue he met a young man who appeared most despondent. " Sidney, how do you do?" asked Mr. Lafay- ette. Sidney Hetherington, mild-eyed, brown- haired, and slim, was also of the "legitimate," and of more recent connection than his aged ac- quaintance. He explained that after two weeks of playing one-night stands in New Jersey as leading heavy of the "Only a Bridge-Tender's Daughter" company, the manager had disap- peared, and the show was no more. Mr. Heth- erington urgently requested the temporary loan of fifty cents. Mr. Lafayette smiled. He produced a silver coin, gave it to his companion, and inquired if he desired to make five dollars. It might be eas- ily earned, and on the next day. "Five?" responded the leading heavy long- ingly. "I'd rob a bank, Algie. Just tell me what you want. I'm ready." Mr. Lafayette, having closely estimated the profits of a boarding-house, had decided to cap- ture Mrs. de Shine. His increasing embonpoint, added to congenital laziness, helped to make him less anxious, as each day faded into the shad- ows of the past, to again engage in active work. "A man, my dear boy," he remarked friskily, "is as old as he feels. I believe that I could cop out the old girl alone, but with your help I am certain that within a brief space I shall be boss of the boarding-house operated by Mrs. de Shine." "And I guess she's got a bunch of money," said Mr. Hetherington. ' ' What 's the scheme ? ' ' The sanguine suitor wished to appear as a hero. Mr. Hetherington must arrange himself to look the part of a ruffian. As Mrs. de Shine, carrying her leather bag, filled with money and keys, should walk past the alley in which he was to hide, the ruffian's business was to seize her with brutal violence, wrest the bag from her, and, with a heartless, mocking laugh, flee. "Just as you've gained the purse," said Mr. Lafayette, chuckling at his own inventive powers, "I'll dash to the rescue, knock you down and recover the bag. You don't need to be a fortune teller to see the finish." "But don't let her have me pinched." Mr. Hetherington 's tone was apprehensive of possi- ble evil results. ' * Will you ? ' ' His patron assured him that all would be schemed out so well that unpleasant conse- quences could not ensue. They took a glass of beer together, and as the young man thought 116 THE MA1SON DE SHINE of their plot lie became full of zeal to make his portion of the drama realistic. "Of course," confided Mr. Lafayette, "I could hang around and fix the thing up before long, but delay's bad. And this is simply bound to excite her admiration. The women are all crazy over a man with enough gumption to protect 'em in time of danger," "I wish I had your ability," lamented his ac- complice. ' ' It 's a great idea. Fine ! ' ' Satisfied with the outlook, Mr. Lafayette re- turned home. In the hall, Fido darted forth from the gloom, lightened by the faintest flicker from the gas, lowered until but a point of yel- low showed, and snarled suspiciously. "Oh, I'll settle your hash when I run this house, ' ' threat- ened Mr. Lafayette. "Get away, you beast, or I'll kick you once for luck!" Fido's intelligence was considerable. He sniffed a foe in Mr. Lafayette, and barked nois- ily as the latter tramped upward. Daisy Dubb, in her room on the second floor, was practicing a new song on her trombone, from which instrument she was able to produce a sound resembling a cow lowing in distress. Daisy's music was frequently halted, because she went back to do it all over again. "If I ever let a musical act board here, then I don't know my own mind, ' ' he thought. ' ' Cuss the woman ! She makes a horrible row." Mrs. de Shine, without her smartly curled 1 'front" of blonde hair, came silently down the stairs as he paused to inwardly revile the me- lodious Daisy. The Omaha Comedy Four had not succeeded in eluding the landlady, but they might. Seated at the top of the stairs, she had waited during a long hour for them to come in. Their doors.were locked, and if the four wished their baggage they must pay their board bills. * * Oh, heavings ! " she cried. ' ' Why, I s 'posed yuh had retired long ago, Mista Lafayette. An' me in this here neglijay costume, with my hair not fixed. I feel perf 'ly foolish." "You are always beautiful to me, fairest soul, ' ' answered Mr. Lafayette lovingly. ' ' Best well, dear lady. I bid you good-night." "He's suttenly a delightful fella," mused the landlady, as she listened outside the door of Coppit and Blow's room for evidences of the strife with which this amiable pair of song-and- dance artists were accustomed to end their eve- nings, "an' so diffrunt from common trash, who ain't got the manners to treat a lady right." The Property Man heavily ascended as she started down. "Hello, Maggie! What's new I" he inquired amiably. 118 THE MAISON DE SHINE "Yuh been smokin' them cigarettes again, Mista Johnson, ' ' she rebuked. ' ' Naughty ! Yuh know yerself they ain't nothin' more injurious to the health, an' yuh sufferin' from dyspepsy the way yuh do." "Aw, they don't hurt me none," said he. 1 ' Say ! how 'bout the old guy in twelve I Looks like he's tryin' to bust up our home." "I dunno what yuh mean," sparred the land- lady, thrilling with pleasurable excitement. "As fur me, I ain't never s'much as give him a inch of encouragement." The Property Man was seriously disturbed. "Say, don't you be daffy enough to let that guy get you goin', Maggie," he warned. "He ain't got thirty cents. You got too good a nut to fall for that there mush he hands out. Ain't you?" "Parding me, Mista Johnson, but yuh are usin' langwitch which kinnot be called gelmun- like," replied Mrs. de Shine coldly. "Him an' me is merely fr'en's. Yuh act like it's a dretful happenm' fur sommon to think in more'n a f renly way 'bout me. ' ' "I hate to see you goin' bug over that old alli- gator," said he. "He's a dead one, a lob. I thought you was a wise woman." "Good-night," remarked Mrs. de Shine haughtily, "an' kin'ly rememba that sutten limits should not be overstepped." PROPERTY MAN FOILS A SUITOR 119 "Hoity-toity!" murmured the Property Man. "She's sore. That's what a feller gits fur tryin' to tell a sldrt anythin'. It's just wastin' time." "Drat him!" said Mrs. de Shine peevishly. "An' drat 'em all ! I ain't goin' to be bullied an' run by the boarders, an' they'll find it out." Mr. Lafayette briskly finished his dinner on the following night. It was the landlady's habit to visit a vaudeville theater on each Wednesday, and when she appeared in a red silk gown, cut a la princesse, instead of in her kimono, Mr. Lafayette was pleased. He was not about when, leaving Fido in Susy's charge, she started. The upper end of Irving Place was not well lighted. Swinging her bag with girlish aban- don, Mrs. de Shine proceeded, stepping care- fully over the icy spots, quite occupied in hold- ing her silken skirts aloft and avoiding a fall. * * Hold up your hands ! ' ' She was crossing the mouth of an alley as the command was shouted. Trembling, she made ready to fly, but a strong grasp restrained her. The highwayman had unkempt, carroty hair, and his face looked quite without pity. He held a knife, poised as if to strike his victim. His clothes were rough, and he wore shiny boots which reached to his knees. 1 ' Lemme go ! " shrieked Mrs. de Shine. ' ' Lem- me go!" 120 THE MA1SON DE SHINE The robber's hand caught her throat. "Now I've got you!" he hissed. * 'Unhand her, you devil ! " It was Mr. Lafay- ette, who seized the villain's arm. But, as he gazed at the ferocious features, the red locks of the bandit, he shrank back. "Get back!" shouted the latter. "I'll cut your heart out, old man." Mr. Lafayette looked once more. Could this be Hetherington? If so, the make-up was so excellent that it frightened him. He looked again. No reassuring glance replied. This was because his accomplice happened to be a real actor. Lafayette's knees were knocking together from fear. "Don't strike!" he squeaked, and began to run. The robber loosened his hold of Mrs. de Shine. "Well, what the dickens ails him?" he mut- tered. Mr. Lafayette was pattering toward safety. He did not even stop to look around. "Leggo her before I paste you one in the eye!" It was the Property Man's voice. He had been strolling down the street. Now he faced her enemy. "Mista Johnson, save me!" Mrs. de Shine screamed wildly. PROPERTY MAN FOILS A SUITOR 121 The highwayman was laughing. "I won't harm yon, madam, " he assured her. "I've been made a fool of. Now I'm blessed if I don't tell on the old idiot." The Property Man put a protecting arm about the landlady. "It's all right," he said sooth- ingly. * * Nawtin ' doin '. I 'm here. Well ? ' ' Mr. Hetherington removed the red wig which his art had bade him wear, the better to carry out his idea of the part. He could not know that Mr. Lafayette, failing to recognize his dis- guised friend, had run away because he dared not remain. Earnestly he explained. "And I regret my portion of it," he added, "but I needed money." The Property Man laughed. "Let it go at that," he observed. "Come on back to the house, Maggie. I'll help you throw that old slob's stuff out 'n the street." "Oh, the monster!" bleated Mrs. de Shine. "I'll settle him. How kin I thank yuh, Mista Johnson?" "Let's have chicken dumplin's to-morrow night, ' ' suggested the Property Man. "I'll cook 'em myself," said she. "THE GIRL WITHOUT BOOKING" "BROUGHT you a boarder, Maggie," an- nounced the Property Man. He closed the front door of the Maison de Shine, which left the hall so dark that the woman with him, slight of build and large-eyed, found herself temporarily unable to see, after the bright sunlight of the outer air. The landlady, who had emerged from her pri- vate apartment to personally welcome the old- est boarder as he came in for luncheon, bowed coldly. "I'm pleased to meet yer lady fren, Mista Johnson, ' ' she said, and bowed again. * * I didn 't ketch the name," she reminded. "Mis' Maizie Collins," he said. "Maizie, shake hands wit' Mis' de Shine." "Will yer hushing desire board, also, Mis' Collins?" inquired the landlady. "I haven't any," replied the Property Man's friend. "Oh!" ejaculated the landlady. Mrs. Collins seemed to consider discussion of 123 "THE GIRL WITHOUT BOOKING" 123 her family history unnecessary. Therefore, Mrs. de Shine looked at her, and received in turn a glance from a brace of fearless brown eyes. "She'll want a good front room," said the Property Man. "That's it, ain't it, Maizie? An' not more'n eight or nine bucks a week, she says." "As to the rate," observed the landlady some- what haughtily, "a' course, as yer perf'ly aware, Mista Johnson, it's fur purfessionals. In fact, my penshun's conducted entirely fur par- ties in the business." "Whyfore the grouch, Maggie?" inquired the property man jocularly. "The lady's in the perfesh, see? Be nice, an' act like you was glad to see cash money comin' in. Remember, this here 's liable to turn out a hard winter. ' ' "I'm sure I got no grouch, Mista Johnson." Her tone was bitter, for the landlady felt for the star boarder a very considerable fondness, which she hoped he might return some day. Therefore, commercialism, in such circum- stances, became of secondary importance to her own feelings. "If yuh'll step upstairs, Mis' Collins," she said, "I'll show yuh what I got, an' trust it'll soot. Mista Johnson can't understand how a woming who 's been on her feet the hull livelong 124 THE MAISON DE SHINE day ain't able to holler an' laff at a momint's notice. I'm a sick woming." The Property Man sneezed, then coughed, be- ing desirous of effectually interrupting morbid thought. ' * You 're lookin ' great, ' ' he said. * ' Buck up ! The worst's allus ahead." Mrs. Collins laughed gently at his gay good humor. The landlady sniffed and pointed to the stairs, up which the two ladies climbed. The Property Man, with unusual delicacy, remained below. He learned within a few moments that the room suited Mrs. Collins. "You haven't one with a private bath?" she asked anxiously. "No," said the landlady, "I ain't. Less'n yuh desire the bridal soot; but the Jugglin' Mc- Panns is in that, an' as they don't care nothin' fur what they spend, it'd be hard to git 'em out. She's a lovely woming, an' never complains, while othas who ain't got her position in the pur- fession is furever roarin'. No offense meant, as I ain't referrin' to parties present." Mrs. Collins smiled in answer. Her air bade the landlady speak on. It was but infrequently that the latter needed inducement. "Mista Johnson didn't mention yer pertic'ler line," she reminded the latest guest. "I guess yuh won't have no trouble in findin' congenial sassiety in the house, fur we got all kinds. It ain't only performers stops with me, yunno. They's managers an' advance men, an' ef I'd take 'em, the legits 'd be here, too, but vodeville folks don't git on with 'em, an' there yuh are. 0' course, ef they've went into vodeville, that's different. I'd take it yuh prob'ly work in stock?" Mrs. Collins regarded her with a worried air. The landlady had conversed herself into a hap- pier frame of mind than had been her's at first. "Do yuh?" she insisted. "Yes," replied the boarder hastily. "I was am, I mean. That is, I am rehearsing. I haven't been in the profession long." "Well, I'd oughta know what that is," sighed the landlady. "I 'memba when I signed with Gus Hill one season. I pursoom Mista John- son's told yuh that I'm a retired artist myself? Oh, yes, indeed. "Well, as I was savin', I tuck a leadin' part at short notice, an' rehearsed fur three days without stoppin'. Ah, me! An' then to play two shows a day on the road, an' no chanct to git rested. Character work, I s'pose?" "Yes," responded Mrs. Collins; "that's it." "An' it'll gather more money than doin' dressed-up parts," said the landlady cheerfully. 126 TEE MAISON DE SHINE "I allus declare, an' will to my expirin' hour, that ef yuh git the artistic feelin' make-up don't worry yuh none. What comp 'ny yuh with I ' ' Mrs. Collins hesitated. After a brief pause she stated that the play was not in active gen- eral rehearsal yet. "Certain members are," she said, "myself among them. We will not open for some time." "Well, I kin be made to take a coupla box seats," observed the landlady coyly, "fur dra- mer is my delight. ' ' She left Mrs. Collins alone in the "third-floor front" because Susy, the slavey, had panted up- stairs to inform her mistress that the butcher bill had come, and its bearer was insisting upon a cash deposit. "Them people 'd drive yuh bug!" cried the landlady. "Here, Mis' Collins an' me was havin' a elegant chat, too. I s'pose I gotta chase down an* see him. An' he'll wisht he never come 'round tryin' to bawl out one of his best customers when I git there." Mrs. Collins unpacked her bag. She removed certain toilet articles, fashioned of ivory and initialed in gold. There were silk pajamas, furred mules for bedroom wear, and various articles of clotEing which demonstrated that the owner possessed a particular and expensive taste. "THE GIRL WITHOUT BOOKING" 127 The room was cold. A radiator stood in one corner. It occurred to her to turn on the heat, but this had already been done. Yet no warmth came from the chilled pipes, for the De Shine hot-water supply only lasted as far as the sec- ond floor. Mrs. Collins knelt beside the radiator and thoughtfully felt about the bottom of it. "Not even a sign of heat," she said shiver- ingly, "and if I say anything she'll be up again. I'll freeze if I must." She chuckled. She was not bereft of humor. "This is a vaudeville boarding-house, sure enough," she reflected, "and it's what I re- quested, so it wouldn 't be grateful to complain, although I can imagine it to be funnier if one were thoroughly warm." In the hall below a group of boarders awaited the ring of the dinner-gong. By being early they would not only finish first, but enjoy the best portion of such viands as the De Shine larder would furnish them. Mrs. Collins was plainly unused to the ways of the Maison de Shine, for she did not appear until all places were filled and another hungry crowd massed in the hall. These gazed enviously through the open door at the gobbling throng within, aiding digestion 128 THE MAISON DE SHINE on the part of the feeders by loud remarks of a comedy nature. "Who's the noo skirt I seen walkin' in with you?" asked Mr. Mangle of the Mangles Four. Baby Theodore Mangle, who had been recent- ly added to the family 's stage ranks, sat beside his parent, slowly absorbing a pickled beet. "Pop, gimme 'nother!" he shouted. The Property Man kindly assisted Baby Theo- dore to a second section of beet before he replied to the amiable child's father. "I knowed her folks," he said shortly. "Quite a looker," observed Mr. Mangle. He whispered it, that his wife might not hear him express a favorable opinion upon the beauty of another woman. The Property Man silently fed the gorged Theodore with another pickled beet. "She's roomin' next to us," said Mr. Mangle. "What's her name?" He was excessively curious, and had no inten- tion of being thwarted in his search for informa- tion by ordinary means. "I see where Burns is gittin* the coin over *n England," said the Property Man. "You ain't fallin' fur this party an' don't want no one to mention her, are you?" went on Mr. Mangle. "He better git all he can. They'll slip it to "THE GIRL WITHOUT BOOKING" 129 him proper when he blows back here." The Property Man raised his voice and looked at Mr. Mangle so determinedly that he shamed his friend into quiet. "I ain't been readin' the sportin' news since I quit playin' the hosses," said Mr. Mangle in a subdued tone. He was disappointed. Whereas his opening query had been idly made, now he decided that if mystery lurked in the person of the unknown woman it must be solved immediately, for the sake of his personal peace of mind. "You mark me, Burns '11 git trimmed plenty if that dinge fights on the level," pursued the Property Man. "I'm a great feller fur boxin'. Grandest game in the world, all right, all right. ' ' "I think it's nice, too," said the landlady, serving him with canned string beans. "A* course, bein' a lady, I never had much chanct to go to no affairs, but I sawr the Rossow Mid- gets, an* they was too killin'. But it's mil rough, ain't it?" "'Tain't what you'd call a tattin' bee, Mag- gie," rejoined the Property Man gravely. "The Eossow Midgets, hey? That was goin' some." "The sight of blood would positively cause me to swoon," cried Mrs. Mangle. "Oh, how can men engage in such degrading physical struggle?" 130 THE MAISON DE SHINE "They should all be arrested, "announced The Ingenue firmly. "The police could stop it if they wished; but they don't, for they're worse than the horrid prize-fighters." ' l Haw ! haw ! ' ' laughed the Property Man. Baby Theodore cackled joyously. Little Min- nie Mangle, celebrated as the Child Wonder, had no shrinking timidity in her young being. "Pop swung on a guy an' come near knockin' his bean offa him, didn't you, pop?" she called. "An' pop says I'm the scrappin' kid. I is, too, an' I kin jolt any child wonders what starts doin' my stuff, can't I, pop!" "You bet you kin," agreed Mr. Mangle. "That's the spiel to be makin'. An' any time you can't finish 'ein I'll wade in an' help." "Yuh got to be furever battlin' to git on at all on this earth," observed the landlady wear- ily; "an' what a life it is!" "Minerva," said Mrs. Mangle, "go to your room at once after that disgusting exhibition of the atrocious teachings of your poppa ! Do you hear me?" "I ain't a-goin' till I git my puddin'," said little Minnie. The rattle of cutlery against china ceased. While a clash between the Mangles was common, it was always enlivening, hence the "first table" excitedly laid its weapons aside temporarily and listened. "She'd go if she was mine," said a feminine voice. An onlooker from the door had spoken. Mrs. Casino, mother of Little Casino, a male child wonder, and a rival of the Mangle prodigy, thus voiced her views. "Maw, that kid's a slob!" said Little Casino loudly. "The effrontery of that woman in making such a remark is but a further proof of her vul- garity!" cried Mrs. Mangle. "In the circum- stances I shall permit Minerva to remain, for I will not be shrieked at by insolent inferiors such as the Casinos." * ' Nix ! go easy ! ' ' cautioned Mr. Mangle. ' ' Ca- sino 's a big guy, an' a scrapper. What's the use of gittin' him an' me in a hook-up?" Mrs. Mangle replied to this effort of her spouse to avoid active defense of his family honor by a glance of ineffable contempt. "Poltroon!" she hissed. "Oh, you cringing coward!" "Now, fur goodness' sake, is this beginnin' onct more?" demanded the landlady; "fur it's nothin' short of outrageous, an' I make the statement to yer maps. The ideer ! Fur shame, all of you people ! Fight them things out in the 132 THE MAISON DE SHINE theaters or the public streets, but no more in the Maisong de Shine kin quarrelin' eternal go on. It's gotta quit." The Property Man had motioned Mrs. Collins, who advanced into the room with a timid bear- ing and quietly seated herself beside him on the chair just vacated by The Ingenue. "This oughter be swell fur you," he whis- pered. "Did you hear them dames? That's a good sample, but they kin go stronger when they warm to it. That's the Casino Family an' the Mangles Four." She selected beef stew when Susy inquired her preference. "The stoo's a cheese," Be warned; "take the corn beef. ' course, we git it all the time, but it'll be noo to you, I expect, an' somehow it's more fillin'. I didn't git a peek at you in the hall till the noise started." " I was enjoying myself, ' ' she returned. l ' Do you tip this girl at meals?" "Who? Susy?" he queried grinningly. "Say! where do you git that at? You don't tip nobody in a boardin '-house. This mob wouldn't give you a cracker fur a barrel o' flour." "Mommer, I'm stickin' out my tongue at Lit- tle Casino!" reported little Minnie shrilly. "I ain't scared o' him, is I? He can't do no imi- "THE GIRL WITHOUT BOOKING" 133 tations like me, an' his act's the bunk. Pop says so." "Liar !" bellowed Little Casino, charging into the room. "Oh, pop, don't let him git me!" shrieked lit- tle Minnie tearfully. The Property Man's hand fell on Little Ca- sino as that talented juvenile was loping past. Held securely in a firm clutch, Little Casino struggled while his parents hustled to the res- cue. Mrs. Mangle intrepidly raised the boiled po- tato receptacle and poised it cleverly. "If your father declines to revenge insults thrust on us, my child," she cried resolutely, "I am still here ! Do not touch my little one, wom- an, or I will, as Mr. Mangle inelegantly observes, smash this upon your bean ! ' ' "Fine fur you! That's great stuff!' enthusi- astically encouraged the Property Man. "Goodness! Will they hurt each other?" asked the new guest shrinkingly. The landlady arose. She took the kicking Little Casino from the Property Man and cuffed him severely on one ear. "Yuh hateful brat!" she said, with a cuff for each word, "does the Casiner Family think they kin boss Maggie de Shine's place? Things may be bohemian here to extremes at times, but as 134 THE MAISON DE SHINE I'm runnin' a square drum, I won't have no bloodshed, at least to the tabble dotty. The Mangles an' Casiners gotta retire immejut to their own rooms. Vamp!" Mrs. Mangle, hectic-cheeked and haughty, and still bearing her weapon, led the retreat of the Mangles, *which naturally precipitated that in- teresting quartet into the midst of the equally belligerent Casino Family. . The hall, filled as it was with hungry standees, became a stirring scene, for the two ladies met at close quarters, and the gentlemen, ashamed to appear as less than their respective wives, dared each other to come out into the city's wide thoroughfares and settle the matter as man to man. The landlady followed the turbulent factions. Meanwhile, the thinned ranks left behind at the table proceeded to completely devastate the available food supply. Mrs. Collins was helped to an enormous quantity of the succulent corned beef and cabbage, which dish was of ever-re- curring frequency upon the De Shine menu. The property man hastily poured the contents of the general milk pitcher into his coffee cup, swallowing the cupful at one able gulp. Johnny Trippit, the buck dancer, hoarsely or- dered three helpings of the ' ' home-made ' ' mince pie from an adjacent bakery, and had eaten them "THE GIRL WITHOUT BOOKING" 135 by the time that the sounds from the hall had stilled. Mrs. Collins had laughed until she gasped. "Mr. Johnson, " she said chokingly, "you were wonderful to find it. No one would believe that people could actually do such things unless they saw it with their own eyes. It's just splen- did!" "Well, I knowed it wouldn't never be a wrong steer," he said. "Course, you can't get a bat- tle every meal. That ain't to be expected. But the makin's of one is always there, an' no kid. You ain't saw the circus bunch yet. Here's one comin', the tall guy see? He's with the Wal- lace show, an' a good feller." "What does he dor ' "Got a tumblin' act," he answered, "an' an- other troupe besides that's out with a Mexican show." The meal ended without further strife. Mrs. Collins was introduced to the circus man, who kindly told her several stories, all tending to prove that the "Wallace show" would be an or- ganization bereft should his presence be with- drawn from it. She met the Property Man as she descended the front stairway later. * ' Kin you stand it ? " he asked quizzically. 136 THE MAISON DE SHINE 1 ' S-sh ! They might hear you, ' ' she returned. 1 ' Oh, it 's great ! How shall I ever thank you ? ' ' A sudden diffidence came upon him. "I I guess it's only sumpin' like that a rough feller like me'd ever git the chanct of doin' fur you," he said haltingly. "But.listen here. Any time you want me I '11 be there. See?" She held out a hand, encased in a pretty French glove, which he took and gently pressed. "Walk to the corner with me, won't you?'' she requested. He blushed with pleasure. "Will I?" he exclaimed. "I'll be tickled to deaf, that's all tickled to deaf. S'pose you're goin' uptown to see if they changed it any since you moved down here to-day, hey?" "But I like it here," she said, "for it's real life, you know. ' ' "Sure, it's swell fur a.one-night stand." Here the Property Man chuckled grimly. " Wait '11 you want some hot water fur a bath, an' git that good old stoo fur a coupla mont's steady. Here's the uptown subway. Well, goo '-by. I'll see you later." As she disappeared he stopped at the edge of the curb and looked at Fourteenth Street, alight and tawdry, with disfavor. ' ' Oh, prunes ! " he bitterly exclaimed. * * They ain't no use me turnin' up my nose at it, 'cause "THE GIRL WITHOUT BOOKING" 137 it's the best I'll git. But it's sumpin' to know one like her, who ain't allus hollerin' about the hit she was last week, an' how the manager bust out cryin ' when she 'd done her last show. She 's a queen." Mrs. Maizie Collins became a figure of inter- est in the Maison de Shine. She was always pleasant, could converse in a sprightly fashion, and there was about her a dignified friendliness which charmed both men and women. The acrobatic circus man confided to the prop- erty man on a certain evening that this was the woman to whom he could render a devotion such as no empress of the circus had even been capa- ble of inspiring within him. "She's got brains, cul," said he, " an* it's the nut that wins me. Besides, she's a swell looker an' a grand feller. But allus a lady, an' knows her place. I wish somebody 'd say sumpin' to her some time when I was around." 11 So do I," agreed the Property Man fervent- ly. "I'd spread him out till the cars could run over him wit 'out bumpin'." "Seems like she dresses quiet, but I bet them rags cost a chunk," observed the circus man. 1 1 That 's what, ' ' responded his friend. * * She 's there four ways from the jack." "Do you s'pose thene'd be an outside chance 138 TEE MAISON DE SHINE fur me to cop her?" The circus man's expres- sion was artless. "Nope; nawtin' doin', take it from me," said the Property Man gloomily. ' ' None fur you or me, or any lobsters like us." Both sighed. They had hitched their wagons to a star. "She's gone, an' left no address!" the circus man announced on a day three weeks afterward. The Property Man displayed no emotion, for he had assisted at her flitting. "What you got to do to-night?" he asked. "I'm takin' one off. Feel like goin' to a Broad- way show?" The circus man ardently yearned for distrac- tion, so he accepted gladly. "I'm there wit' the old shroud an' boiler," remarked the Property Man, "are you? We'd oughta fix up. It's a first night." "Oh, I got the dress clothes, all right." The circus man grinned. "We-'ll show them babies that they ain't got nawtin' on us." They pushed into a big Broadway playhouse. "It's a three-act show," said the Property Man. "I'm kinder stuck on seem' it." "Marian Deming, in 'A Eomance of Vaude- ville,' : " read the circus man from the program. "Say, pipe! What do you know about this?" "THE GIRL WITHOUT BOOKING" 139 The Property Man, very good looking in his Tuxedo and the smart black bow which Mrs. Mangle had tied for him, smiled at his friend mysteriously. The drop went up. "Say!" breathed the circus man, for he was gazing at the hall of the actors' boarding-house in Irving Place. Mrs. de Shine came on, accompanied by Fido, her faithful white poodle. Susy, the slavey, called Jane in the play, as slatternly as at home, was there, with the Mangles Four and the Ca- sino Family, under different names. But the circus man and the Property Man were absent. These two were too real for the star who had sojourned briefly in vaudeville's com- pany to caricature. Then She appeared, as the "Girl Without Booking,'* who could sing, if managers would but listen, and dance if they would let her ; but they wouldn 't. In the end a lover of olden days came out of Fifth Avenue and took her away from vaude- ville. "I knowed it all the time," said the Property Man, "but I couldn't tell. You see, us guys wasn't wit' that bunch o' characters she wouldn't do that. 7 ' The circus man watched the final curtain set- tle into place and the audience leave. The play was a success. 140 THE MAISON DE SHINE "It's all right, an' she's an actress, sure," he said, "but advertisin' never hurts, an' seein' as us two done all we could fur her, the least she could 'a' done was to put us in, too. That's all I got ag 'in her. Come on home." ME. MANGLE SIDESTEPS TROUBLE ME. MANGLE, of the Mangles Four, was pur- chasing a celluloid collar in a Fourteenth Street shop. His small son, Theodore Eosseau Man- gle, accompanied him. As his father chatted about the President's message and the recent cold snap with the clerk, Baby Theodore endeavored to flatten his juve- nile nose against the glass of a showcase, send- ing forth drooling remarks, the subject of which remained his private affair. "Da da, gabble, gabble goo oo," sang Theodore. "Pop pa! Goo oo! Pop pa!" "Hey?" said Mr. Mangle, ceasing his conver- sation. ' ' What 's comin ' off ? " "Mom ma!" cried Theodore. Joyfully he pointed to a young woman upon whose head was massed, in tangled profusion, a pile of yellow puffs and curls. Mrs. Mangle was a blonde, but she was no such beauty as this lovely creature in a scarlet tailored suit and almost-ermine stole and muff. Mr. Mangle had been imbibing at each thirst- 141 142 THE MAISON DE SHINE quenching establishment from Broadway to Third Avenue. As he looked upon the blonde damsel whose hair his child recognized as re- sembling the celebrated pompadour of Mrs. Mangle, he smiled jovially. "Hello, pretty," said he. The lady stared coldly at him. Theodore, bestowing upon her his whole at- tention, cooed seductively. "Ha'o!" he said amiably. "I see you." "There ain't nothing" said Mr. Mangle to the clerk, with enthusiasm which he made no attempt to control, ' ' so beautiful as blonde hair, is there? That fer me, every time. As fer a brunette, I wouldn't give her a pleasant look. Gimme one o' the red ties, 'long with the collars. They're real tasty, an' red's my favorite shade." The clerk sought the rear of the shop that he might wrap the customer's goods. Mr. Mangle smilingly addressed the lady of the golden hair. "Ain't we met somewhere?" he asked. ' ' Seems so to me. Anyway, I 'm Mangle Man- gle, of the Mangles Four, you know." "I've seen your act," said she, and her man- ner seemed warmer. "I guess most everybody's saw it," compla- cently observed Mr. Mangle. "Are you in the perfesh?" MR. MANGLE SIDESTEPS TROUBLE 143 The clerk, coining back with change and pack- age, handed both to Mr. Mangle, and snickered to himself as he withdrew to a distance whence he might overhear the talk without appearing to. "Well, if you can beat a vaudeville perform- er!" he ruminated. "Why, that feller never met her before, that's a cinch." Within ten minutes Mr. Mangle and the stran- ger walked up Fourteenth Street in company. Each held a hand of Baby Theodore, who trotted along, happily prattling to his innocent self. To the unknowing spectator it was a domestic-look- ing little party. Their stroll ended in a rathskellar, where, vis-a-vis, with two highballs upon the table, and a mug of ginger ale with a pleasant bite to it for Theodore, they exchanged confidences. Mr. Mangle convinced her that a more formal meet- ing had occurred between them. The readiness with which she agreed to con- sider this a fact caused Mr. Mangle to applaud her wisdom. "Fur you don't run into an old pal every day," said he, "an' that's no dream. Bring a coupla more o' the same. What you hangin' 'round fur, anyway ? ' ' The German servitor looked uncomfortable. Mr. Mangle repeated his query. 144 THE MAISON DE SHINE "Your wife's settin' up in front," said the waiter in a whisper, "with some ladies. I fought you'd yust like to know." ' ' She is ? " Mr. Mangle, temporarily agitated, wildly glanced behind. The lady snatched her purse and muff, clearly displaying a desire to hasten from a dangerous situation. She evi- dently realized that excited wives are prone to believe the evidences of their eyes rather than the explanations of those whom they unexpect- edly confront. * ' Ah say list 'n here ! ' ' said he. ' * Set down again. They ain't nothin' to be scared of. If they was, I'd tell you." "Momma!" said Baby Theodore softly. Although of tender years, the infant already gave promise of becoming somewhat of a men- tal hurdler, as this remarkable utterance proved. "What'd you say, kid?" asked his parent. "Mom ma tummin'," said Theodore dis- tinctly but quietly. "Hully gee!" Mr. Mangle gasped. The lady paled beneath the vivid flush of chemical origin which burned upon her cheek. "Leave it to me," he said rapidly. "If you weaken she's liable to rough house the joint, 'cause she's got one tough temper if she starts. Stick. It'll be all right." Mrs. Mangle, majestically leading Little Min- MR. MANGLE SIDESTEPS TROUBLE 145 me Mangle, the Child Wonder, was at the table a moment later. "William Mangle," she cried, "who is this woman ? Answer me, you ruffian ! Who is she ? ' ' "Now, Louiser," Mr. Mangle assumed a pleasant smile, "hold on. Don't holler out sumpin' you'll have to apologize fer. This young lady " 1 1 Young ! ' ' said his wife in a high, angry voice. "Young? Really! Ho! ha! That's good!" She laughed unpleasantly. Mr. Mangle kicked his friend under the shelter of the table, to reassure her. Baby Theodore gurgled at his mother. "Can't you wait a second?" inquired Mr. Mangle warmly. "What's the ideer of flyin' at a man like he 's actin ' wrong, or some such thing as that? This here is " "She is a shameless, brazen-face, peroxide battle-axe ! ' ' shouted Mrs. Mangle. "Nix crackin'," warned Mr. Mangle, while she whom he so ably championed began to cry, or at least to make a creditable pretense of doing so. "Be a lady, can't you?" "A horrible, faded-out, bold-faced thing!" continued the fearless wife bitterly. "Nix crackin'," again admonished Mr. Man- gle. "Why, you're dippy. This is Theodore's noo governess." 146 THE MAISON DE SHINE Every one, including the speaker, was sur- prised. Mr. Mangle had not made this asser- tion as the opening fire of a planned course of action. It catapulted from his lips and he was in grave doubt as to what he should follow it with. "A governess!" Mrs. Mangle ceased for an instant her contemptuous scrutiny of the blonde. "And when have I told you, pray, that Theo- dore has arrived at an age when the services of an instructress, if I may use that word, are necessary? Although I will add this : No child of mine lives, who, at the age of three, cannot easily digest the studies of the average child of ten. Your name, please I ' ' Whether overcome, as the enormity of the task to be undertaken in training the abnormally developed mind of the gurgling Theodore was thus pointed out, or merely embarrassed at her distressful plight, Mr. Mangle's companion stammered a reply which no one could under- stand. "Her name's Mis' Jones," said Mr. Mangle loudly, "a widder, an' seein' as Henry Jones was an old pal o' mine, in the circus line, it ain't no more'n proper fer her to git the chance of learnin' the kid sumpin'. He'd have to be startih' soon." "It would seem," said Mrs. Mangle, using extreme care in enunciation, "that his mother, 'ME. MANGLE SIDESTEPS TROUBLE 147 who is, at least, not entirely a fool, should be judge of what he should or should not have. May I ask if his new governess considers it seemly to imbibe liquor before a mere babe?'* "Mis' Jones got a faint feelin', an' I brung her in here to revive her, Louiser," said the agile-brained Mr. Mangle. "Set down an' let's all have a nice visit." "Not in a beer saloon, I thank you," said Mrs. Mangle haughtily. "Kindly escort the lady to our home, where I will grant her a private in- terview. Minerva, bring your brother. If aught but the truth has been told here, some one will regret it." The new governess finally regained control of herself sufficiently to smile. "I think I'd better telephone first," she said timidly. Mr. Mangle pushed his foot against hers. "Come right along now, Mis' Jones," said he. "I'll do all that fur you from the house. You'n my wife '11 git on swell soon's you git acquain- ted." Mrs. Jones murmured. Her eyes supplicated him, but with the edifice of his conjugal happi- ness swaying, almost ready to topple upon and bury him, he intended to get himself out of difficulty before arranging a convenient means of escape for her. 148 THE MAISON DE SHINE The party went into the street. Mrs. Mangle led them, but a capable guard, in the person of little Minnie, escorted Mr. Mangle and the lady. Neither addressed the other, except when Mr. Mangle observed that the wind was somewhat colder, and Mrs. Jones rather petulantly replied that she had never felt warmer in her whole life. Baby Theodore hustled along beside his sis- ter, whose mien was important. A clash was due, and little Minnie awaited it. She had seen her parents in hectic dispute before. The con- flict which the Child Wonder made certain would soon occur would be an affair to stir the blood of the most unemotional, for Mrs. Mangle was much enraged. Little Minnie pondered the affair. Would the strange lady fight back when attacked, or merely submit meekly to the coming onslaught? ' ' Say, Teddy, ' ' said she in an undertone, ' l did pop kiss this party?" "Ga-ga. Bab-by," chanted Theodore smi- lingly. Impatiently little Minnie framed her query differently. Still Baby Theodore lisped foolish answers. There were times when the smallest Mangle reverted entirely to "baby talk." At others his remarks were quite intelligible. The recent scandal was not made worse or better by the cautious probing of little Minnie. MR. MANGLE SIDESTEPS TROUBLE 149 Theodore maintained a bland front and declined to be interviewed. Mr. Mangle held open the front door of the Maison de Shine for Mrs. Jones' entrance, Mrs. Mangle having slammed it upon them. Wearily they climbed two flights to the Man- gles ' apartment. Mrs. Jones began to show in- dignation. "I won't stand much more of this!" she hissed, as she plodded behind Mr. Mangle. He looked around at her imploringly. "If a dyin' man ast you fur a drink, an' you was carryin' a pail o' water," he whispered, "you wouldn't grudge him a sip? Then stick a little, an' I'll reward you. It means bustin' a home if you don't." Her womanly sympathy was stirred. "I'll do what I can," she said, "but you sure got me in fine." In the Mangles' sitting-room Mrs. Mangles waved her to a seat. Little Minnie Mangle moved to a point where a fine view of the guest might be had with the least strain upon her op- tics. Baby Theodore, unable to unbutton his rabbit-skin coat without help, rolled, without ostentation, upon the floor, thence beneath the sofa, where he grunted happily. "He's playin' he's a Teddy bear," explained the Child Wonder to Mrs. Jones. "If he bites 150 THE MAISON DE SHINE your ankle you got to holler 'Help!' and * Po- lice!' or he'll git sore an' go on awful." " Woo-oo-oo !' emitted Theodore from his lair. Mrs. Jones jumped up with a dismayed face. Theodore had apparently proceeded as per his accustomed schedule. "Here, cut that out!" ordered Mr. Mangle, "an' come out o' there before I wallop you good! See? Come on!" "The child must have some amusement, Mr. Mangle," said Mrs. Mangle as she parted from her wraps, "and it is certainly less harmful than teaching him the habit of drink." "He seems quite playful," said Mrs. Jones hesitatingly. "I I like 'em to be cheerful." Mrs. Mangle dragged a creaking chair near to her intended victim. Seating herself, she raised her gold-plated lorgnette, which is one of the most celebrated features of the act of the Man- gles Four, and looked at Mrs. Jones over it. "Of course you speak the Greek language?" she said. Mrs. Jones wore a defiant, untroubled smile, for she had swiftly reviewed the matter in hand and concluded that no crime, even by the most cunning jurist, could be fastened upon her be- cause Mr. Mangle had convinced a casually met female that it was a second, and not the first, social collision. MR. MANGLE SIDESTEPS TROUBLE 151 "I guess I can talk Greek's well as you can," she retorted easily. " Kindly furnish me with a few examples," pursued Mrs. Mangle, steadily gazing at her husband's employee; ''also some Latin." ' * Somebody at the door ! ' ' exclaimed Mr. Man- gle. Mrs. de Shine, keeper of the actors' boarding- house, entered. "Howdy, folks?" she greeted affably. ' ' What 's doin ' I I was passin ', jest havin ' fin 'ly ketched the Boundin' Bananas in, an' made 'em pay what was owin '. Parding me, I s 'posed yuh was alone." 1 1 Same thing, Mis ' de Shine, ' ' said Mr. Man- gle, with a theatrical smile. "Jest the family. This here's Mis' Jones, Teddy's governess." "Yuh suttenly are gittin' tony!" commented the landlady after bowing. "An' what's he to be studyin'? I'm sure the public schools 'd be good enough fur my children." "He will take the regular courses," an- nounced Theodore's mamma. "I am now at- tending to it. Did you say you were familiar with Latin, madam?" "Us gells ust to talk hog Latin to school," gig- gled the landlady. "We was allus kiddin' the teachers, too. I dunno's I kin rememba any, 152 TEE MAISON DE SHINE though a' course it ain't got nothin' to do with the real kind, I pursoom." "Did you say you do?" Mrs. Mangle demand- ed. Mrs. Jones answered with a spirit which de- lighted Mr. Mangle that Latin was not a proper study for the juvenile mind. Neither, she opined, was algebra or chemistry, two other subjects which Mrs. Mangle insisted Theodore must be- gin on. "At least you speak French?" ' ' Oui, ' ' responded Mrs. Jones calmly. * * Com- maw see vaw?" "Great Scott !" thought Mr. Mangle, in relief, 1 1 she does, too. ' ' "An' speaks it elegant," he said. "That's goin' some, Louiser. Why don't you come back at Mis' Jones? You're there with the polly voo." "Honey swoy quee molly pants, sivoo play," said Mrs. Jones resolutely. Her's was a high courage. Mrs. Mangle's French was most limited. A morning and eve- ning salutation was all that she knew, and be- fore this linguist she felt suddenly at a loss. "Yes, that's all right," she concluded; "but grammar?" "He hadn't oughta be learned no grammar MR. MANGLE SIDESTEPS TROUBLE 153 yet," said Mr. Mangle. "I kin learn him that myself. ' ' "I never was learned none, an' I kin tell whether contracts is traps fur the performers an' the manager gittin' it all, can't I, pop?" shrilled little Minnie. ''Sure you kin," said her father, "an' so '11 he before long." "I may decide on physics alone," remarked Mrs. Mangle vaguely. "Louiser, don't yuh do it!" protested the in- terested landlady. "I've seen allapaths an' homeypaths, Christian Science, an' all, an' with- out reserve I state that the less drugs give a young child the better they be. Don't be mis- led." "It is Theodore's mind, not his physical be- ing, which is under discussion now," said Mrs. Mangle, loking about in search of him. Theodore, out of his rabbit-skin coat, lolled upon a trunk, and waggled a frayed Teddy bear by one leg. "Get down!" she called. "Bab by," said Theodore engagingly. ' * Mom ma ! Yah yah yah ! ' ' "Shut up, foolish!" cried little Minnie, "or I'll slap you!" "Will not!" said Theodore plainly. 154 THE MAISON DE SHINE "You leave him alone," warned Mr. Mangle. "Set down, an' don't be makin' so much noise." The examination of Theodore's governess progressed with irritating slowness, but Mrs. Mangle persevered. "He must be thoroughly grounded in mental telepathy," she said. "As long as he's goin* into vodeville, what's the ideer of him bein' an operator?" objected Mr. Mangle. "Good heavens! I do not refer to telegra- phers," said his wife peevishly. "Kindly be silent until I find out just what this lady does intend to teach my loved one." "Kindergarten work," said Mrs. Jones un- expectedly; "for very young ones is cutting flowers out of tissue-paper and discovering the relation of the first letter of the alphabet to the last." Mrs. Mangle was astonished. "Well, suppose it is?" she parried. "Theo- dore is no ordinary infant." "Sure! I was tellin' Mis' Jones so when I engaged her," put in Mr. Mangle, "an' she says to me, 'now leave him to me, fur I've had plenty experience, an' I'll figure out Hs game,' so that's the way it is." "I do not believe Mrs. Jones is a governess MR. MANGLE SIDESTEPS TROUBLE 155 at all!" With this Mrs. Mangle arose and angrily shook her fist at the self-contained guest. "Louiser, be careful!" said Mr. Mangle. "Don't you go callin' me a liar! Here I go spend a whole day huntin' somebody to bring him up decent, an' all I kin git, or the party kin git, is insults. I'm tired of it, an' if you keep on raggin' me this way I'll jest take the kid an' git out!" "You will never wrest my offspring from me!" said his wife hysterically, "never! never! you cruel monster ! She is not a governess, for she's too good-looking!" This involuntary compliment caused Mrs. Jones to laugh coldly. Mrs. Mangle scooped Theodore up from the floor and held him to her panting bosom. "Come to me, Minerva," she said. "Come hither, and show the world that even should your heartless father depart, as he has threat- ened, the act can still be called 'The Mangles Three.' " " Sha 'n't, neither !" said little Minnie," 'cause if pop beats it, I'm gointer be a star, an' git out of vodeville. Mista Dillingham'll star me. He says I'm the goods." The landlady interposed. She besought both sides to have recourse to common sense, and to 156 TEE MAISON DE SHINE recollect that it was a hard winter, and not over yet. "Well, I wouldn't take your old job of gov- erness for a million !" declared Mrs. Jones heat- edly. "I'm a little too particular about whose children I teach." "It's a pity you're not as careful about try- ing to steal other women's husbands!" Mrs. Mangle breathed heavily. Theodore set up a bawling which drowned all other sounds. Mrs. Jones, seeing her chance, signaled Mr. Mangle, who replied with a thank- ful wink. Mrs. de Shine opened the door. "Mis' Jones an' me '11 wait below till yuh folks settle yer little affair," said she. "Yuh '11 find us in my bowdor. Come on, Mis' Jones." Mrs. Jones quickly took advantage of this hint. Passing by little Minnie, she bowed coolly to Mr. and Mrs. Mangle, and walked, without a backward look, out of the lives of the Mangles Four. In the entrance hall Mrs. de Shine paused. "I ain't a curious woming," she said, "an* never was, I thank Heaving above. But may I ast what in time all that was about?" Mrs. Jones coughed delicately. The ladies re- garded each other intently, then Mrs. Jones smiled, and so did Mrs. de Shine. MR. MANGLE SIDESTEPS TROUBLE 157 ' l In the business ? ' ' questioned the latter. "Soubrette in Tannehill's Pittsburg Divor- cees," replied the other; "we're playin' the Dewey this week. Seen the show?" "No," regretted the landlady, "I ain't. But I was onct in burlesque myself. I thought yuh never was no teacher." "We were having a little drink, and she came in." The confidence came abruptly. "Then, knowin' Louiser, yuh suttenly got off lucky," said the landlady, "but I'm glad to see her git bunked fur onct, fur she's druv him pretty near dippy, an' the hull house besides. S-sh! Here they come downstairs." "Good-by!" called "Mrs. Jones." She fled into Irving Place as the Mangles Four trooped down. "I have reconsidered my decision, and we will hire the governess," said Mrs. Mangle. "Where is she?" "Tore off in a tantrum soon's she got outside yer door," said the landlady, "an' no wonder, with the langwitch throwed at the pore gell ! I was shocked myself." Mrs. Mangle rushed outside in a vain en- deavor to discern the fair one who would never guide her Theodore. 1 1 That 's a shame ! ' ' said Mr. Mangle. ' ' She 's a fine teacher, but you know Louiser." 158 THE MAISON DE SHINE The landlady grinned. Observing it, he flushed, fidgeted, and finally bent an imploring glance upon her. "Louiser thinks she's a teacher," he supple- mented weakly; "you wouldn't ' "Me?" the landlady gaily interrupted him. "I been keepin' boarders too long. I ain't no knocker, Bill Mangle, but lemme jest slip juh this: Next time ye 're buyin' a lady a drink git further from home. It's safer." "You bet I will !" said Mr. Mangle fervently. "Here's Louiser back, an' an' I'm much obliged to you." The landlady giggled. "Don't mention it," said she. "I gotta help my boarders when I kin." FATE FINDS FIDO FOOD "WE got news, fur onct," said Mrs. de Shine. The boarders, embarked upon their evening meal, uttered such comment as seemed proper. "Well, out wit' it, Maggie," said the Prop- erty Man jovially. "You skirts allus gotta work up your entrances, ain't you? What's do- in'!" "You ain't goin' to marry nobody, Mis' de Shine ? ' ' Susy, the faithful slavey, stopped her pleasant toil of pyramiding succulent pickled beets upon a large plate and looked at the land- lady in alarm. "Fur the land's sake, Susy, how yuh talk!" exclaimed Mrs. de Shine. Her manner showed that she felt no anger toward Susy for suggest- ing the possibility of a nearing alliance of a mat- rimonial character. "No, it ain't about me. Since I retired permanent from the show busi- ness it's the truth that they ain't been no great tidin's, not at no time, to be gave out about me." "Ef I thought they was a chanct not to git a plate wore into my map, I'd ast you to double 159 160 TEE MAISON DE SHINE up wit' me quick," said the Property Man very gaily, "but I know you wouldn't never fall." "Yuh raskil!" said she delightedly, "ain't yuh ashamed, Mista Johnson? I bet yuh'd be the fust to beat it ef I said I'd take yuh. So there now ! I know yuh men, an' one o' yuh's as bad as the otha. But here's what I was startin' to tell: Johnny Trippit's had a special part wrote into the big show on the roof, an' he's leavin' vodeville fur musical comedy." "Has Trip got a contract?" asked Mr. Man- gle suspiciously. "He better git one, if he ain't. Them managers '11 rehearse you three or four weeks an' then, like as not, write the part out again." He's to git five hunderd a week," said the landlady. "Ain't that grand? Oh, when one o' the payin' guests what has boarded at the Mai- song de Shine as long as Johnny has does well, rully it's the same to me as a pers'nal triumph. His part's mostly dancin' an' one song. It sut- tenly will git Birdie Trippit's goat fur fair when she hears of it, fur she ain't doin' so good her- self." The wife of Trippit, the "World's Champion Buck Dancer," had left his bed and board many months before. The Trippits were unable to agree, because each considered that their act would be but a mediocre attraction with the oth- FATE FINDS FIDO FOOD 161 er the only feature, and demanded, on vaude- ville theater programs, to be "billed" over the other. Such strife is very common in vaudeville. Where pairs, trios, quartets and sextets of one family all draw salary for appearing in com- pany it is usual for their smiling faces, turned audienceward, to hide a hundred biting aches, produced by jealousy. But there. Did not each artist privately, and often publicly, deem themselves superior to their fellows, they might not maintain that high standard of excellence which caused such an opinion to form within their various minds. So let them fight and hinder them not. Often argu- ment makes for improvement. Birdie Trippit, billed as "Birdaline Trippit, Champion Lady Buck Dancer," etc., was head- ing a second-class road company, presenting a third-season success. Birdie was not yet on Broadway. The aggregation had played New- ark and Jersey City, a popular-price downtown house, a similar one uptown, and would end the season at an Eighth Avenue house, where the patrons got "a two-dollar Broadway show for one," and by merely waiting a year for it. Johnny's plunge into what may be termed sustained effort, after capsulic performances, given twice daily, would be in higher class wa- 162 THE MAISON DE SHINE ters than those into which his Birdie had made her modest splash. Wherefore, the landlady, being quite fond of him, was openly glad. Those boarders who had not received offers to quit the varieties were unable to speak with much warmth of their associate's luck. "I could 'a' went with K. and E. an' never a beef about the salary I stuck out for," said Charlie Corke, end man of Smoke and Smudge's Mastodonic Minstrels; "but nix, I wouldn't, though both of 'em came an' almost got down on their knees astin' me to." "He never drawed higher 'n thirty a week an f cakes in his life," observed Mr. Mangle to Pro- fessor Lashem, of Lashem's Performing Dogs and Monkeys ; "an' take it from me, he was only leadin' comejian with Smoke an' Smudge 'cause he could lead the parade mornin's an' do good twirlin'." "He's always pullin' those pipe-dreams," agreed the professor. * ' I know him from 'way back." "Anyway, Johnny's tuck it, an' I'm goin' to wear my noo bloo taffety the fust night," said the landlady. * ' Susy, serve them beets at onct, an' cease stallin' 'round doin' nothin' at all." "Pitattas?" inquired the slavey. "Gimme a few o' them spuds," called the FATE FINDS FIDO FOOD 163 Property Man. " Hello!" he added, as a dog's shrill barking sounded. "What's that?" "It's Fido, an' I can't do a thing with him," said the landlady. "I dunno ef I told yuh how Florine de Foly-Bergere, who give out she'd been headlinin' at the Empire in London, takin' the bridal soot on the seckind floor, an' waited on hand an' foot every minnit she was here, turned out to be but a chorus woming from Scully an' Hood's Big Burlesque, an' all she left fur a week's bill was two pair o' cotton tights, some wore-out symmetricals, an' a young poll parrot." The boarders not in arrears laughed. Those who owed put on faces of sympathy and uttered shocked murmurs. "An* where's the bird?" asked Mr. Mangle. "Oh, pop, I wanna have it!" shouted little Minnie Mangle. "Kin It I wanna parrot, 'cause parrots kin talk." "Is he a gween parrot?" anxiously piped Baby Theodore Mangle. "Yes, dolling, green an* yella," replied the landlady; "but he b 'longs to the house, yunno. Yuh an' Minnie kin play with him ef yer well behaved, an' don't hurt him. I got him shet in my own bowdoor, an' Fido's goin' almost dippy, he's that put out about me payin' attention to the parrot." 164 TEE MAISON DE SHINE ' ' What words does it say ? ' ' Professor Lash- em, as a student of natural history, felt curious. 1 ' That 's jest the trouble, ' ' said she. ' ' Eully, it won't say a single one, an' yet when that there deceitful hussy was here I wisht yuh could heard it. I never see a more chatty parrot." "Changin' owners done it," said Lashem wisely. ' ' That 's what ails Polly. Better lernme take a peek at him." The juvenile Mangles instantly protested against the professor's viewing Polly without the aid of their presence. Dinner was over, be- cause all food supplies were gone. While any- thing remained for the boarders to absorb into their systems they kept their seats. "Everybody kin'ly vamoose!" commanded the landlady brisHy. "Them what desires kin see the parrot, but I gotta ast that no party puts a finger on him, fur the darned critter's wilder 'n a hawk as it is." The Mangles Four went ahead, and the prop- erty man came last. They massed in the hall. where Fido, the poodle, temporarily weary of barking, lolled beside the door of his mistress' boudoir. Mrs. de Shine unlocked her apartment and produced the parrot. Its abode was a white- painted cage, and as she lifted it the bird emif- ted an offended cluck. FATE FINDS FIDO FOOD 165 "Say 'monomer,' Polly," requested the land- lady. "Polly wanna cracker?" hopefully asked Baby Theodore. ' ' Teddy wants to hold him. ' ' "Nothin' doin'," said his father, "an' don't be hollerin' an' scarin' it." "I think it is one of a South American spe- cies," observed Mrs. Mangle. "We had an avi- ary in my poppa's home in dear old Dakota, and this parrot is most like a bird which I owned as a small girl." "Say 'mornmer,' Polly," repeated the land- lady. Polly was not to be wheedled. Proffers of crackers and other delicacies of which its kind are supposed to approve received only a cold glare from Polly's beady eyes. "I tell you what, ' ' said Lashem, "in the morn- in* set him in the back yard, where the sun '11 come on him. It's too dark in here." The parrot gave forth sounds indicative of inward disturbance. Baby Theodore pleaded to be allowed the privilege of holding it, but this was refused. Polly must not be irritated. 1 1 Sometimes they won't talk ever again if they git a grouch on, ' ' averred Lashem. ' ' A parrot 's funny that way. You mustn't git 'em sore on you." "TEe dear Knows I been like a mother to him 166 TEE MAISON DE SHINE so far," said Mrs. de Shine, "an' I must say it sorta makes a party feel slighted to be doin' all they kin an' not git even a pleasant word fur it." The parrot, with a flutter of his plumage, turned and regarded her intently. ' * Yuh mean, ornery thing ! ' ' she exclaimed ac- cusingly. Polly fluttered one wing indifferently. ' ' Ain 't he cunnin ' ! " cried little Minnie. ' l Oh, mommer, why can't we have him?" ' ' Peace, my child, ' ' chided Mrs. Mangle, ' ' and leave the room. We are going upstairs." "Teddy wants to tiss Polly goo '-by!" mourned Baby Theodore. He burst into sobs. The parrot was already creating woe in the actors ' boarding-house. When Johnny Trippit, rather important with his new contract safely signed and sealed, en- tered his home at midnight a throaty croak startled him. Johnny gazed about, and in the shadows around the hatrack he discovered Polly in his cage. The landlady had hung the pet there for some reason. "Well, where 'd you drop from?" Trippit tapped lightly on the cage. f ' Hello, sport ! ' ' "Drunk again!" said the parrot moodily. Trippit chuckled. * ' Which of us, me or you f ' ' FATE FINDS FIDO FOOD 167 he pursued. "I only had a few beers all night. I guess you're nothin' but a plain souse." "Skiddoo!" said Polly. "I'm goin'," answered the buck dancer cheer- fully. "Well, so long, old pal. See you later." He was at the top of the stairs before he looked down. The parrot clung to the front of the cage, looking after the ascending Trippit. "Ah, there !" he croaked in response to John- ny 's farewell wave. ' ' Drunk again ! ' ' At breakfast Trippit narrated this experi- ence. Immediately the landlady ordered Polly brought to the dining-room and the cage placed upon the sideboard. "Make him do it again," she said. The Mangles Four and the property man wait- ed expectantly. But Polly was in a sullen mood. Despite Trippit 's duckings and gay bantering Polly stayed silent. "Are yuh abs'lutely sure he talked?" Mrs. de Shine evinced suspicion. * ' Sure he did, ' ' said he. " P 'raps he 's sick. ' ' The parrot's cage was carried to the yard and there hoisted to an old table. Sun and air made no difference. "Say 'mommer,' that's a nice Polly," begged the landlady. 1 1 Pretty Polly. ' ' Polly put its feathers tightly into place and gave no sign of life. 168 THE MA1SON DE SHIN.E A week had faded into the past. Polly had yet to address the landlady or her guests. At intervals they gathered in the yard and worked at the job of trying to make the green bird con- verse. "Say 'monomer,' drat it!" once screeched Mrs. de Shine, exhausted by much petitioning of Polly, "an* either do it, or I'll wring yer un- grateful neck!" Polly clucked loudly. A raucous squawk fol- lowed. But that was not the intelligible speech which was so fervently desired of him. Fido, the poodle, angered and mortified by the neglect to which he was being subjected by an erstwhile loving mistress, moved his fat self about uneasily, and eyed the parrot evilly. Once Fido rushed at the cage as the slavey conveyed it to the house, and growled so threat- eningly that Mrs. de Shine, for the first time in her existence, slapped Fido until he yelped. "Now I got a swell plan, ladies an' gents," she declared that evening at dinner, "an' here 'tis : To the party who kin git that parrot to say three plain words will be gave a week 's room an' board free of any charge. An' I make no reservations. Them what's shy a few chips in the pot at the present writin' kin also compete." This was really necessary, as, with two or FATE FINDS FIDO FOOD 169 three exceptions, every one owed something to the management. Soubrettes and ingenues, imitators, jugglers, hoop rollers, acrobats, and those engaged in minstrelsy, had a try at Polly. The prize, with summer at hand, and bookings in vaudeville scarce, was worth obtaining. When breakfast was over, and until matinee time, they cajoled and bellowed, whispered and scolded. The rear windows of houses fronting on the next street filled as soon as Polly's out- raged squawk was heard. "Say 'mommer' pretty Polly!" was Mrs. de Shine's modest request. Polly refused. Fido snarled ferociously at the parrot, which croaked back at him with the same hostile man- ner. Fido's cream was often not renewed un- til the indignant beast had whined and growled about the kitchen for an hour. "Ef she keeps on overlookin' Fido, he won't be treated no better than us guys before long," remarked the Property Man. "I don't believe he's as fat as he was." "I hate that mutt," said Trippit; "he's no 'count on earth. He went an' put a new benny on the cheese fer me once, an' they ain't been a day since I couldn't have slipped him a swift kick." 170 THE MAISON DE SHINE ' ' I 'm gettin ' sick o ' the parrot, ' ' the Property Man, hearing the accustomed racket of compet- ing boarders and Polly's enraged cries, sighed. "Gee! I can't git no sleep. They take him out there soon's it's light, an' it's kep' up till bed- time. You kin git a lot too much of animals. ' ' Mrs. de Shine had developed a real love for the parrot. It was impossible to make Fido adopt her view of the matter of introducing a feathered member into the happy family. "He's been like an only child so long," said she, "that a' course he feels hurt. But they's sumpin' about Polly that I simply kinnot help likin'." Lashem's Performing Dogs and Monkeys had left New York, played two weeks outside, and returned, and still Polly was obdurate. He ate his food with fair appetite, and displayed no dis- satisfaction at his surroundings. The landlady bore the expense of having an expert on the ways of parrots appear and render an opinion as to Polly. The expert said that Polly could talk if he wanted to, and if he did not, then doubtless the parrot had his own excellent reasons. This was not helpful. Little Minnie Mangle and Baby Theodore were striving for the prize. Polly had nipped the fingers of the infant prodigy at one time FATE FINDS FIDO FOOD 171 and ripped out a chunk of his sister's hair at another when little Minnie leaned her head against the cage. With the young Mangles came the disconsolate Fido, who had no one to cherish him while his successor reigned. "Don't never tech him," warned the land- lady. " That's liable to keep him still furever, while as it is he's liable to quit feelin' like this at any minnit. Say 'mommer,' won't yuh, pret- ty Polly?" "I betcha he oughta be licked," said little Minnie thoughtfully, when the landlady had re- tired. * ' If he was whipped then he 'd act right. ' ' "Teddy wanna whip him," said Theodore, with a male creature's lust for bloodshed and riot. l * Thay, Minnie, le 's will we ? " "Not if anybody's pipin' us off," replied the prudent Minerva, "an' we gotta take him out careful, so he won't be settin' up a beller." Cautiously she surveyed the yard. The cook, Susy, and the landlady, were in the kitchen, busy over some intimate details of dinner. Little Minnie fumbled at the door of the cage. Baby Theodore assisted by holding his intrepid relative's arm. * ' Come, Polly, ' ' they invited. ' ' Pretty polly. ' > Polly, with dignity, issued from the cage. "Oh, you kid!" said the parrot distinctly. "Oh, you kid!" 172 THE MA1SON DE SHINE In ecstasy the small Mangles giggled at each other. They had won a week's free board! With a stately waddle Polly adventured around the yard. Little Minnie and Baby Theo- dore marched on either side, admiring Polly, and congratulating themselves on their acumen. They decided to take the parrot to Mrs. de Shine. Her pleasure would indeed be extreme, and the young Mangles, being at heart kindly lit- tle souls, joyed in the happiness which it was to be their part to bestow upon her. ' ' Pretty Polly, ' ' encouraged Theodore ; ' ' ain 't he cute?" "Oh, you kid!" said Polly swaggeringly. ' ' Oh, you kid ! Drunk again ! ' ' ' ' Thay thorn more, ' ' urged Theodore. ' ' Nice Polly. Teddy loves Polly. ' ' ' * The divil you say, ' ' said Polly affably. ' ' Oh, you kid! Polly! Polly! Who's a fake? Drunk again ! Oh, you kid ! ' ' They were near the kitchen door. Little Min- nie was stooping to scoop up Polly and bear him in triumph to Mrs. de Shine. A fat, white form emerged. It was Fido, and his dull eyes glistened as he saw Polly freed from prison and strutting pridefully along. One longing, gleeful bark left Fido. His pink tongue showed between his sharp white teeth. FATE FINDS FIDO FOOD 173 He darted forward, knocked aside the fright- ened Theodore, and snapped at the parrot. "Oh, you kid!" called Polly derisively. Horrified, little Minnie clutched at Fido. She caught a hind leg, which slipped from her ineffi- cient grasp. Baby Theodore was in a heap on the damp bricks. The carnage began. When it was ended, in a corner of the yard lay a few green feathers. Fido was gone. Fearsomely, little Minnie and her brother, thinking themselves the only witnesses of a hor- rid murder, collected this bright-hued evidence and hid them deep in an ash can which was in the shed. Solemnly, and pale of countenance, the Child Wonder and Infant Prodigy, clasping hands, entered the house, then fled to the upper floors. The Property Man, grinning, drew back from his window, whence he had viewed the scene. "Well, I'm durned," said he, "if that ain't rich ! It spoke, all right, 'cause I heard it. So all the time it's been kiddin' us, hey I" In five minutes he looked out to observe the further progress of Polly and the Mangles chil- dren. Therefore, he saw the assault of Fido and the burial of the last of Polly. He medi- tated upon it. Certainly the children were much worried. His impulse was to find them and as- sure them that he wouldn't tell. But again, they 174 THE MA1SON DE SHINE were not aware that he had seen anything. Then it were best not to agitate them. "So I don't know nawtin'," he concluded, " 'ceptin' that I sure do wish some guy with a gun had dropped Fido when the doin's was on. But one of 'em's out of the picture. That's sumpin '. ' ' Professor Lashem was also gazing out, at the hour of Polly's finish. He watched longer than did the Property Man, saw the landlady appear, note the empty cage and vacant yard, and dash madly inside. The professor owed two weeks. He figured that silence, in the circumstances, was his best policy. It would not help for him to turn in a report. Instead, he would not encounter her, if that were possible, until her first grief was over, for it might turn to anger. And folk usually vent anger on the first per- son they meet. * * Nuff said, ' ' he remarked, smi- ling. Mr. Mangle had been on his way to his rooms when he heard the bark of Fido, the murderous poodle. He stopped, put up the shade of a hall window on the third floor, and peered down. He stared FATE FINDS FIDO FOOD 175 until his children had secreted the green feath- ers. "Hully gee !" he breathed. "Less said soon- est mended. I '11 keep still. ' ' Johnny Trippit was a spectator. He had re- turned with sad tidings, for they had "cut him out' 7 of the musical comedy, and he was going back into vaudeville. Meanwhile, he had to live, and on credit, too. "It won't be me that'll crack about it," he thought; "not much. Me to lay low, and let other folks git 'emselves in Dutch. I won't, you bet!" It was dinner time. "Polly's dead!" said Mrs. de Shine. Her mien was tragic. She was gowned in black, and held Fido, once more restored to her affections, in her arms. "Ef he'd only spoke onct," she said, "I'd felt different. He got out of that cage, Heaving alone knows how, an' he flew away. I jest do feel tur'ble." Little Minnie was silent. So was Baby Theo- dore and the other witnesses. "How in the world do you suppose he did it?" asked Mrs. Mangle. Fido, the poodle, suddenly licked his chops. 176 THE MAISON DE SHINE A green feather was in the corner of his mouth. The Property Man reached up and fondled Fido. When his hand was removed a green feather was in it, and the Property Man grinned at the young Mangles, who looked at him bulgy-eyed with fear. "The dear only knows," said Mrs. de Shine. "Iwishtldid." Fido growled as if pleased. He was again the favorite child. THE DIVORCEES' PARTY MBS. DE SHINE knocked, with a firmness indic- ative of a set purpose, upon the door of the Mangles' sitting-room. There was no answer, whereupon she opened the door and entered. A scent of coffee was in the hall outside their rooms. The expert nose of the landlady had discov- ered the origin of a forbidden odor, for "cook- ing, washing and ironing and loud talking in the rooms will not be tolerated" thus read a warn- ing placard, conspicuously posted in each room of the actors' boarding-house. A pretty scene of domestic happiness was be- fore the landlady. Little Minnie Mangle, the Child Wonder, was not permitted to riot away her days in the pursuit of idle pleasure. Minnie was a lusty young female, who by spiteful per- sons in the profession had many times been ac- cused of bearing years considerably in excess of the twelve claimed by her parents. She was industriously washing her papa's blue tights, in which Mr. Mangle, making his stage entrance in " clown" costume, was under- 177 178 THE MAISON DE SHINE dressed, so that, tastefully and appropriately clad, he might join in the musical finish which was one of the hits of the Mangles Three act. Her back was to the door. Little Minnie sang as she pursued the soiled tights up and down a little board set in the washbowl. About her were pitchers and pails of steam- ing water, evidently heated on an oil stove, the fragrance of which joined the coffee, giving un- mistakable signs of that sort of housekeeping called in the want columns i ' light. ' ' Mrs. Mangle, in a green kimono, the sleeves pinned securely to a height where they should not interfere with her labors, was in the bed- room, stirring a saucepan full of oatmeal, which she had just removed from the oil stove. The sunlight glinted upon a diamond frog sparkling in her blond hair, which had not yet been coiffed for public inspection. A diamond and ruby turtle kept the kimono clinched at her well-nourished bosom. Mr. Mangle lolled upon the bed, reading the morning prints. He was smoking a cigarette. So was his wife. Beside him, in a pink flannel nightshirt, with his round face smudged with oatmeal, was little Theodore Mangle. " Da-da, hi-ji!" cried Theodore cheerfully. "Pop-pa! Da-da-da-da! YiJ" THE DIVORCEES' PARTY 179 "Shut up !" shouted Mr. Mangle reprovingly. "Ain't I told you onct to stow that?" "Gimme a match, and throw them cig-rettes over, Louiser," he continued, while Theodore brazenly stuck out his youthful tongue at his parent. "Mis' Mangle, are yuh aware that this here's the seckind time it's been necessary fur me to make a holler to yuh folks ? ' ' The stern voice belonged to their landlady. The Mangles were startled. The serenity which had been upon all of them evaporated like mist before a warming sun. Little Minnie stood in the midst of her pitchers and pails, the stream- ing tights held aloft. She was a guilty figure. Mrs. Mangle, with immediate self-possession, pushed the oatmeal receptacle under the bed and facedTVlrs. de Shine. Mr. Mangle, a man who felt unable to bear unpleasant conflict such as this promised to be, pretended to be asleep, emitting a theatrical snore. Even Theodore felt the chill in the air. Ho began to howl, a dismal look upon his small features. "Why, really, we I am sure I was not aware that rules were being broken," said Mrs. Man- gle bravely. "Minerva is merely amusing her- self, as I am sure you will observe, dear Mrs. 180 THE MAISON DE SHINE de Shine. She is washing her dolly's things, playing at keeping house." The landlady regarded the dripping length of blue leg which Minnie, hearing her mother's remark, hastily dropped back into the soapy water. "I purceive," said Mrs. de Shine, "that the doll's life size! The ideer o' handin' me that stall, Mis' Mangle, when yunno I've sawr Bill Mangle's legs covered by them tights, goodness knows how often!" Mr. Mangle snored loudly, following the sound with a contented groan, to give the impression that he was greatly enjoying a needed rest. "Well, one little pair of tights isn't much," said Mrs. Mangle, abandoning excuse. Mrs. de Shine sat down, removing a pile of wet handkerchiefs reposing upon a newspaper which covered the seat. "If a pusson's old frens is goin' to be the fust to deliberately bust every rule what's made fur the sole benefit of my payin' guests, Lou- iser," said she sorrowfully, "kin any thin' better be expected of strangers? The answer is, no, suttenly not." "Aw, what's the use of old pals like us chaw- in* the rag?" demanded Mr. Mangle, suddenly awaking. "The kid '11 cut that out, an' no hard TEE DIVORCEES' PARTY 181 feelin's on either side. Ain't that right? You ain't goin' to be sore on your best friends?" "William, I never was no grouch, as yuh got doggone good reason to know," said the land- lady, "but jest the same I repeat that it ain't right. Ain't the cawfee downstairs made to soot? An' kin it be that ten minutes before lunch the Mangles is gotta be cookin' oatmeal? Sech actions would be considered insultin' by the most liberal minded. ' ' Mrs. Mangle sighed. It would not be politic to inform her that the scanty dejeuner served in the Maison de Shine was insufficient to sustain them during two shows a day. "I kin furgive yuh this time," the landlady finally decided, "an' that brings me to another point what had best be settled right here. When the rate fur board was made, I gotta remind yuh that it was fur three not fur four." The original Mangles Three looked at little Theodore, prattling to himself as he waggled a diminutive Teddy bear by one leg. Theodore was a non-producer, and He cost money. "You ain't figgerin' on soakin' us extry fer a little bit of a baby's board?" Mr. Mangle was injured in his most vulnerable spot. That was his pocketbook. "Board '11 be charged, fur he eats more'n a full-growed man now," replied Mrs. de Shine 182 THE MAISON DE SHINE resolutely. "In these here times, with banks smashing an' all that, people gotta be more care- ful than ef money was layin' 'round loose." "What's the damage?" asked Mr. Mangles sadly. "Six bucks per week, same as yuh folks," she announced, "an' I'll have to ast yuh to come acrost with sumpin' to-day, seein' as my own rent's due, an' collection agents won't wait." There was a long discussion bearing upon financial affairs, and finally Mrs. Mangle re- moved from a secret cache $20, which she paid to their creditor, with a gloomy air, for of all the things that the Mangles most shrank from doing, it was to pay the board bill. "With a triumphant air Mrs. de Shine called Fido, the poodle, who lolled along behind her, and descended to the hallway, where she found a grimy transfer man slamming a trunk about. "Don't yuh come knockin' plaster off my walls!" she menaced, "an' don't yuh fergit it! Lookit what yuh done ! ' ' The expressman muttered at her, whereat Mrs. de Shine advanced upon him, daring him to repeat his defiance. He dropped the trunk. "Take it up yerself," said he sourly; "not me. I won't tech it." "Yes yuh will, too!" cried she. "Yuh was paid by the Stringer Sistahs, an' that trunk is TEE DIVORCEES' PARTY 183 not goin' to set in the hall. Third floor, rear. Take it up there. ' ' * ' I won 't ! " declared the man sullenly. * * You can't come hollerin' at me." After angry speeches had passed between them, he flung out of the door, having left the trunk to block the stairway. Fido barked shrilly, and his mistress reviled the deserter in plain language, then dragged the obstruction to one side. The Property Man found her at this labor. "What's doin', Maggie?" he asked. "Drat that guy!" she answered crossly. "Ain't them expressmen tur'ble? Oh, dear! it does appear like I got more trouble than any livin' woming, an' yet what have I did to de- serve it? Jest pipe that wall, Mista Johnson, an' it done over fresh only six years ago !" "Well, it's tough, but roarin' over it won't help none," said the Property Man soothingly. "How near's dinner ready? I hope, for onct, you got chicken." "There is chicking, so there, yuh knocker!" said the landlady gaily. "Now are yuh satis- fied?" The Property Man chuckled, for he was very fond of chicken. Mrs. de Shine hurried to the kitchen, where she bade Susy, the slavey, see that the star boarder received the breast of the 184 THE MAISON DE SHINE chicken, no matter who went without that deli- cacy. Then she returned to the hall, where the Property Man sat upon the Stringer Sisters ' ho- tel trunk. "Did yuh find yer invite to the party to- night?" she asked. "Why, no," said he. "What sort o' party?" "Us gells that has had the same load to bear," said the landlady, "are givin' a divorcees' par- ty. I got mine from Bill de Shine, an' Birdie Trippit's free from Johnny. Hattie Hayman's quit Frank, an' while she ain't divorced yet, she will be, an' she's a lovely gell, too. We're sim- ply meetin' to celebrate, an' I told Susy to no- tify all the guests that we expect 'em. Will yuh come?" He promised to be present. As soon as din- ner was well over Mrs. de Shine, assisted by Birdie Trippit, formerly of * ' The Dancing Trip- pits, World's Champion Buck Dancers," but now a free agent, having been legally severed from Johnny Trippit, began to prepare for the party. Birdie was not working, because she intended to re-enter musical comedy, from which con- genial field she had departed at the fervent so- licitation of Trippit. But now the brief dream of team happiness was ended. Trippit, being a matter-of-fact young man, still resided in the THE DIVORCEES' PARTY 185 house, although Birdie had formally left his bed and board, and had her judgment legally rati- fied. They met, exchanging humorous quips on the situation, in the halls and at meals. Johnny was successfully booked as a single act in vaudeville, and Birdie was engaged at a good salary, so both were satisfied. Johnny had even accepted an invitation to the party which the emancipated ladies were giv- ing, laughing noisily, and with apparent pleas- ure in the coming function. Privately, he con- sidered that the least his ex-wife could do would have been not to flaunt her independence in his face. "Let him stick away if he don't like it," said Birdie. "If she thinks it's the part of a lady to be doin' the Wilful Pansy stuff, let her," remarked Johnny. "The day '11 come when she'll be 'round wishin' she was back playin' two easy shows a day, with me doin' all the work in the act. But it's all right. I don't care." At 11.30 the boarders met in the parlor. It was prettily decorated, and in a unique fashion, for on the wall hung two decrees of absolute di- vorce, and one which gave a decree of separation to the fair Mrs. Hayman, who, after ten years in comedy, was about to do a sketch in vaude- ville "on her own." 186 THE MAISON DE SHINE An empty champagne bottle, a beer stein, a pool cue, two wigs, one a curly blonde, the other a wavy brunette, a form chart of the races, and a baseball score-card, were conspicuously clus- tered on a table. Above them a home-painted sign read : "Some of the reasons why we'd rather be sin- gle." "Draw your own salary at the box office Sat- urday night," was another insulting sign. The Property Man, being, as far as any one knew, clear of all entanglements, laughed up- roariously at the display. "Birdie's gittin' back at John about the blonde he fell fur out in Chicago, hey?" said he appreciatively. "Great! You gals are a hard-hearted proposition, all right." "We ain't no different than any other gells, ef we'd been treated decent," exclaimed Mrs. de Shine hotly. "Only yuh men think yuh kin jest use us fur reg'lar drudges, while yuh go out an' enjoy yerselves. Nix fur us that's the Divor- cees' Association motto, an' I'm president." "An' too good-lookin' to be president long," said the Property Man gallantly. "Say, Mag! is they goin' to be drinks at these doin's?" ' * Suttenly, ' ' answered the president ; ' ' drinks an' sandwitches, an' a swell vod'ville program cooked up. We got the Coney Island Comedy THE DIVORCEES' PARTY 187 Four, an' Clarice Vance give her word as a lady to appear, but I dunno ef her husbing'll let her men is so mean that way, an' he's wuss'n most." "You can't blame him." The star boarder lit a cigar thoughtfully. "How's he know that you won't be puttin' notions in her head?" 1 1 As fur that, we 're pledged to bust up homes wherever it kin be done," said she, "fur we've came to the conclusion that wimeng kin be better off livin' alone." "A guy's got a swell chanct if he lets you people mix in his fam'ly business," he chuckled. "Well, here comes your gang, ain't it? Some- body's in the hall." The slavey, obviously perturbed, entered the room, and whispered grave tidings to the land- lady. "He is?" cried the latter, greatly agitated. "Did yuh see the villain in pusson, Susy? An' was he soused? Though goodness knows it wouldn't be De Shine ef he was sober. He kin- not attend these here festivities, an' that ends it!" "I told him, mem," said Susy excitedly, "but he kep' a-laffin in my very face, which the same ain't gent 'manly, an' you bet I jest told him so. He says he wants to be merry with the bunch them was his words." 188 THE MA1SON DE SHINE "Mista Johnson, ain't I never to lose that there guy?" asked the landlady. Under her black and white striped silk gown tumult raged. The Property Man made a few inquiries of Susy. "I'll go tell this sport to hotfoot out of here," said he. "You g'wan an' have your party, see? If he don't blow quiet an' in order, I'll jolt him a coup! a times." "But no bloodshed! I ast it fur my sake!" pleaded Mrs. de Shine. * ' Bill ain 't above hittin ' a gelmun on the back o' the knob ef he sawr a opportunity, an' I'd never furgive myself." She advanced upon Mr. Johnson and laid a jeweled hand upon his wrist. "Yuh suttenly are good to me," said she, in simply phrased but sincere tribute. The gladiator left the room, while Mrs. de Shine and Susy waited shrinkingly for the noise of warfare. The sound of men's voices came from the hall, but not the ungentle tones of enemies just meeting. Mrs. Mangle, followed by little Minnie car- rying Baby Theodore, came to the party. Mr. Mangle had been detained, but would shortly ar- rive, Mrs. Mangle reporting that she had passed him, conversing pleasantly with the Property Man upon the propriety of adjourning to the corner for a drink. TEE DIVORCEES' PARTY 189 The front door slammed. It meant that the crafty Johnson had decoyed the disturber into the outer darkness. With the only offensive fea- ture of the friendly gathering removed the par- ty could begin, and it did. Johnny Trippit, with Hugo Holler, of Holler and Killum, the singing comedians, got in with the first batch of arrivals. He bowed courte- ously to Birdie, who tossed her head with some- what of hauteur in her manner. "Oh, very well," said Johnny to Mr. Holler. "It serves me right fur noticin' her at all." "You always was too amiable to her," re- marked Mr. Holler. "You'd oughta give her a good lickin'. Then you wouldn't have had no trouble. I done that to Flossie, an' we git on grand now. Women gotta be handled rough at times, so's to keep 'em in their place. That's my system." "Birdie ain't the kind to stand fur it," said Johnny confidentially. "She'd bat me in the lamp in a jiffy if I ever sprung any o' that stuff. Let her go. She ain't anything to me, an' I'm glad I'm free." "Mis' Trippit 's goin' to give us her solo soft- shoe buck, ladies an' gents," called Mrs. de Shine. "She'll be accompanied on the pianner by Burt La Mutte. Where is Mista La Muttef I don't see him." 190 THE MA1SON DE SHINE Mr. La Mutte, who performed upon the piano while his wife worked, in their sketch, arose and bowed. Mrs. La Mutte had auburn hair and a passionate temperament, and as she was the third wife of her husband, whose custom was to jump one meal ticket for a better one when he could, she fretted whenever his calcu- lating, commercial glance fell upon a strange female. He had not won in her that income which he considered due his talents, hence the La Muttes were not always friendly. " Never mind turnin' 'round an' goo-gooin' Birdie Trippit," warned Mrs. La Mutte as the pianist passed her. "Remember, if you git gay here to-night I'll cut your heart out." Thus encouraged, Mr. La Mutte approached the instrument. "He's a lovely fella," said the landlady en- thusiastically, "ef he didn't booze. But yuh can't git everythin'. Where kin Mista John- son be?" And why did Mr. Mangle not appear? Anoth- er guest lingered away from the scene. This was Birdie's new conquest, the manager of the show she had signed with. As she nimbly went through the "soft-shoe buck" her mind was on the absent one. She planned a few things to say to him which would singe him. Prolonged applause greeted her efforts. THE DIVORCEES' PARTY 191 "I taught her all them steps," said Johnny Trippit morosely. "Why, she knowed jest one when she hooked up with me, an' that was the old 'fallin' off the roof burlesque step. Now pipe her. At that, I give her credit." Little Minnie Mangle, not yet a divorcee, but already qualified for the part in later years, such was the Child Wonder's explosive temper, next rendered her well-known imitation of Eddie Foy and Oscar Hammerstein. When they were done clapping Minnie in- quired : I 'Say, monuner, where 's pop? Mebbe he's hittin' it up again. Wharjer s'pose he's went, mommer?" ' ' Minerva, do not refer to your paternal rela- tive in that disrespectful manner," rebuked Mrs. Mangle severely. "Your poppa will be here soon. He is attending to business." I 1 Oh, you story ! ' ' shrilled little Minnie. ' ' He ain't not, neither! Pop's over to the s'loon, 'cause I hearn him astin' Mista de Shine did he wanna swig, an' I know." "Ef he ain't got no better business than galli- vantin' with De Shine, he's a pretty fella," said the landlady. "The very ideer ! They're a fine pair, both of 'em." "I do not desire to discuss the qualities of either the unspeakable De Shine person or of 192 THE MAISON DE SHINE my own beloved life partner," said Mrs. Man- gle. Much whispering followed her speech, for she was not wont to openly express her regard for Mr. Mangle. In the midst of the general conversation Baby Theodore was missed. No one knew whence the Mangle olive branch had gone. The vaudeville program was suspended while a consultation was held. Couriers speeded to the upper floors and to the kitchen, but they did not find Theodore. Mrs. Mangle forgot her feeling against the landlady and forgave her the denunciation of Mr. Mangle, when she noted the landlady's hearty co-operation in the hunt. Birdie Trip- pit's beau came in, flushed and apologetic, as the boarders were trooping upstairs to search beneath the beds. "Birdie, I'm late, but I guess it don't mat- ter," he remarked, after the tailenders in the ascending procession had been introduced to him. "How are you, dearie 1 ?" "Where do you get that, about a man being an hour late, an' it not mattering?" demanded Mrs. Trippit coldly. They were standing just outside the parlor door. Behind it, inside the room, was Johnny, THE DIVORCEES' PARTY 193 listening to his successor's lovemaking, and scowling with bitter hatred of that individual. "You're kiddin', ain't you?" she pursued. "It'd be a little more becomin' if you wasn't quite so sure o' me, y' know." He bowed low, in token of his humility. " Birdie, I love you," said he warmly, endeav- oring to possess himself of her unoccupied hand. The other held "lead sheets" used for the buck dance, and they were still marked in Johnny's writing, a relic of other days. "This ain't the time to be talkin' about it," said the adored one sharply. "Now quit it! Where was you, that you come marchin' in here at nearly one in the morning ? I want to know. ' ' "I was rescuing a little human being from kidnappers, if you must know," he replied. "Found a fellow carrying a baby, and he was drunk. He acted so queer that I called a cop, and then this duck dropped the kid and ran. Two men rushed up, began to yell at me, and we all got in a fight. That's why my eye's black. But I lammed him once." 1 * Where was the cop T ' ' Birdie showed a live- ly interest. "Oh, he'd gone on with the kid to the sta- tion, ' ' explained the manager. ' * They asked me about it, and that made the row, for when I told 'em that the cop had the kid one called me 194 THE MAISON DE SHINE a liar. I won't lake that from any one, so I pasted him. They were a hard-looking outfit. ' ' Mrs. Mangle, weeping distractedly, had joined them. Little Minnie, lugging Fido, the poodle, brought up beside her mother. ' ' I am half wild ! ' ' cried Mrs. Mangle. ' ' What shall I do, Birdie ? My child ! oh, my child ! ' ' "Has she lost a baby?" asked Birdie's victim abruptly. "Gracious ! do you think Oh, it couldn't be, could it?" Birdie caught his arm. "What is it? Do not keep it from me, but give me back my tiny babe ! ' ' shrieked Mrs. Man- gle. * ' My child ! my child ! ' ' Little Minnie set up a doleful yodeling. Fido barked angrily. Mrs. La Mutte, bearing the La Mutte heir, a lusty, pug-nosed infant, wept snif- flingly in sympathy. She knew what it was to be a mother. "Now, Mis' Mangle, calm yerself," urged the landlady. "We'll git him. An' listen here! Let it never be said that Maggie de Shine ain't a good fella. When he's found I'm willin' to waive half of the six bucks fur his board, an' call it three. That oughta hearten yuh a bit." Johnny Trippit, with his friend, Mr. Holler, alone remained in the parlor. The former si- lently signaled Mr. Holler, and they started to absorb the contents of a bottle of gin and one THE DIVORCEES' PARTY 195 of whisky. There were seltzer and tall glasses for highballs, but the two dispensed with them, and, alternating the liquors, drank theirs straight. In thirty minutes Johnny was not in a fit con- dition to seek the society of ladies, for these drams, added to a substantial foundation laid earlier in the night, had seriously affected him. ' ' I want my Birdie, ' ' he said hopelessly. ' * My little kiddo, that's all I want, an' she d'want me no more. I wisht I was dead." * * Buck up. Be a game guy, ' ' said Mr. Holler. "Come out and let's do the town." Johnny assented. They slipped out while the council over Theodore went on in the rear of the wide hall. They disappeared through the door of a bar whose owner seemed in no fear of the excise law. Inside they found the Property Man, Mr. Mangle, Bill de Shine and Baby Theodore, the latter crowing cheerfully from where he sat, waving his legs languidly, upon the edge of the bar. Johnny received a warm welcome. "Had the time of m' life," said Mr. Mangle indistinctly. "M' Tad loses himself, an' De Shine foun' him see? Then ki'nappers ap- pear nozzer drink, 'cause it gits me cryin' to tell it, an' one ki'napper's dresshup as a cop, see?" 196 THE MA1SON DE SHINE "They git the kid," interrupted the Property Man, who was unsober, but able to make himself understood, "an* just then me an' Bill Mangle, on our way to the station to send out an alarm, meet this guy, an' he's hurryin' too fast not to be up to sumpin'. Had a tough face, too." "Wai, they give me a battle," said Mr. de Shine, cutting in, "an' when he beats it he's busted Mangle's beak, but I got the kid from him. I know we had a lot o' drinks, an' got to the station-house some'ow an' there's the kid, so we 're takin ' him home by easy stages. How *s the party goin ' T I got throwed out. ' ' Johnny Trippit and Mr. Holler gladsomely bought and drank more liquids with this lively trio. It was 3 A.M. when a disreputable party, carrying a slumbering child, zigzagged up to the front steps of the Maison de Shine. "My child! my child!" It was Mrs. Mangle, and she darted out to snatch the snoozing Theo- dore from his odorous protectors. Birdie Trip- pit, Hattie Hayman and Mrs. de Shine had not retired. They rushed down at sound of the racket. "What does it mean?" cried Mrs. Mangle. "Speak, sir! speak!" "Aw, don' answer her," advised Mr. de Shine. "Oh, there yuh are, eh I" Mrs. de Shine had THE DIVORCEES' PARTY 197 discovered her ex-mate. She went inside, emer- ging an instant later with a slapstick, left in lieu of currency by a comedy acrobatic team in hard luck. With it she swatted Mr. de Shine, and when the Property Man protested he got a swat for himself. Mrs. Mangle tenderly conveyed Theodore inside, then returned to stand beside her sister women. Birdie Trippit ran to the hatrack, where her befeathered hat was hang- ing. She distributed weapons, in the shape of pins. " Charge, gells! charge!" ordered the land- lady. "Keep them loafers out!" Scattering wildly, and unable, in their enfee- bled condition, to make rapid headway, the gen- tlemen were routed. Some got scratched worse than the rest, but all of them joined in a mad flight down Irving Place and back to the shelter of another bar. Birdie Trippit locked the door securely. Mrs. de Shine made fast the parlor windows. No in- toxicated boarder should enter. Mrs. Mangle, holding Theodore, arose majestically. "I desire to join the association," she an- nounced, "and I invite you ladies to a party to- morrow night in celebration of the severance of domestic and vaudeville relations of the Man- gles Three no ! I am wrong, for with my babes I will make a new act, and even with the handi- 198 THE MAISON DE SHINE cap of Theodore's tender years you shall still find, headlining bills, the Mangles Three. ' ' A latchkey sounded in the door. Mr. Mangle, as they stared, came in. The rest were with him, depending on their numbers to overawe the en- emy. ' ' Git to bed, yuh wretches ! ' ' shouted the land- lady. Birdie Trippit stood aside to let them pass. Heavily the shamed band tramped up- stairs. The ladies gathered close to talk it over. "I shall let it pass this time," concluded Mrs. Mangle, one foot upon the stairway, "but if he does it again I'll leave him." Birdie, Hattie Hayman and the landlady sighed. They had no one now to threaten. Such is the fate of divorcees. THE Maison de Shine rocked with the violence of its emotion. The Mangles Four were no longer four, but three, because of the desertion of Louisa Man- gle. She was one of the various "Salomes" in- festing the habitat of vaudeville adherents. Bessie Banana, of the Bounding Bananas, bet- ter known to middle and far Western audiences than to effete New York, receiving an alluring offer to give her interpretation of the admired of Herod for the enlightenment of burlesque patrons, accepted. This left her husband, Bill Banana, without a partner, and where two Bananas had been booked by discriminating agents and managers, one, and that a male, would not suffice. The fair Bessie's part in their act was to swiftly dis- associate herself from a very decollete evening frock, piece by piece. When a black satin corset and black garters had apparently been unhooked from her un- 199 200 THE MAISON DE SHINE draped pink skin, an all-eyed, loud-breathing public learned, to its disgust, that dear Bessie was completely clad in fleshings. Still the effect was magnificent. And, really, there is little dif- ference. Therefore, Bill Banana, not quietly and sadly, but noisily, asked of heaven and all the stations between its cerulean expanse and hades' storied fires, if female mind could so betray him. Mr. Mangle joined with him. They wailed to- gether. The boarding-house ranged itself in two sections, which engaged in tumultuous con- versations in rooms, halls, and at the table. Mrs. de Shine's money had "put on" the Salome of Mrs. Mangle. Imogen Montagu, the ingenue of an uptown stock company, had as- sisted in the production. "At last," said Mrs. Mangle, at a conference in the front parlor, "I have found myself, and never, while life endures, will I so demean my- self as to become once more a mere figurehead with a solo on a double bass saxophone in the Mangles Four. Minerva is of an age to make good as a single act. Mr. Mangle can go back and do blackface comedy. Why should I lie su- pine upon the altar of self-sacrifice ? ' ' "The hull ideer to me is, that after sendin' in a good piece of change, which the same I swore after retirin' from the purfession I TWO SALOMES RETURN 201 wouldn't never do," said the landlady, "is to grab sumpin'. S'lomes is the rage at present, an' nobody but a plain mark kin deny it. Bill Mangle 'd be kickin', no matta what come off, that bein' his nature. Us wimeng got jest as much rights to our chanct as the men. I wouldn't discuss it with him at all." ""Well, Bill's bawled me out tur'ble fur even mentionin' that I'd like to take up the new field," observed Mrs. Banana; "but let him keep on. I know when I'm right, an' when I am I go ahead, an' alms have. I was a fool to ever git married; but now that I done it I ain't goin' to be tripped up at every step." "A little nip won't hurt none o' us gells," said the landlady, bringing out a bottle of shop- made cocktails. * ' Drink hearty, Bessie an ' Lou- iser, an' let the toast be * Woming's Eights.' We got a few, but it's a case of keep on scrappin' or yuh ain't got nothin' fur long." "Do you have your skirt made of very heavy net?" asked Mrs. Banana. Mrs. Mangle flushed and evasively answered that some persons might consider the material heavy, while others would be quite as likely to pronounce it light in weight. "Of course," said the late queen of the slack wire, "you got fleshin's under?" "Heavings! None o' the othas has," said 202 THE MAISON DE SHINE Mrs. de Shine. "Why should Louiser? Sut- tenly it'd be plum dippy to be so darned prudish when every S 'lome in the entire burg is in com- plete accord on the subject." "I've got a lot of original ideas," said the latest recruit. "Of course, I haven't told Mr. Banana, because he'd be only too glad to git a chance to interfere. Can a man lawfully stop his wife from doin' what he don't want her to?" "I never let none of 'em stop me," observed the landlady, "an' they betta never try it." "We are no longer in the middle ages," re- marked Mrs. Mangle. "But even at present I don't think it's always wise to show open defi- ance. For instance, William does not know that I perform 'Salome' minus fleshings." All the ladies giggled delightedly. * ' Teddy muth tell pop, ' ' said a little voice. "Good land ! Theodore Mangle, have you been behind me all this time ? ' ' The landlady, visibly excited, moved her wick- er armchair, disclosing Baby Theodore Mangle, comfortably squatted beside Fido, the poodle. Mrs. Banana giggled again. She was not aware of the youngest Mangle 's mental activity. His mother and Mrs. de Shine were. Baby Theodore slowly arose, settled his Rus- sian blouse, pulled up a rumply stocking, and smiled artlessly upon them. TWO SALOMES RETURN 203 "Little pitchers has got big ears," said the landlady rapidly. With an innocent stare, Baby Theodore felt of each of his. " Teddy's got thmall oneses," he lisped gravely. The ladies sighed, but the landlady was think- ing of a means to defeat the garrulous child. "A' course, even ef a party desired to, the p'leece wouldn't allow 'em to appear on no stage in sech a undressed state," said she, "but yuh said it so cool, Louiser, that rully yuh 'most fooled me." Mrs. Mangle aided by laughing theatrically, as did Mrs. Banana. "It was just my joke," said the former, "for you are quite right. One can't go on a stage without wearing plenty of clothes. Would you like a nickel to run out and buy some candy, loveyl" "Yeth," replied Theodore briefly. He took the coin and progressed to the door. "Here's another from me, dolling," called the landlady. She tossed a nickel at him, which Theodore deftly caught on the fly. Mrs. Banana also con- tributed. "If you see your poppa, inform him that I 204 THE MAISON DE SHINE am home," said his mother softly, "and be a good boy." Theodore jingled his three nickels. "I'll thay thumpin' else, too," said he, and rushed for the front door. "I I fear the worst," said Mrs. Mangle dis- tressfully. "If he gets an idea in his head it's next to impossible to dislodge it. And when he repeats anything to my husband he distorts it frightfully." "Whyn't yuh jest git that kid back here an' lick all the ideers outa him?" This was the landlady's counsel. Mrs. Banana nodded approvingly. "I would if he b 'longed to me," she said. "And if I half killed him," said Mrs. Mangle, "it'd be just the same. He's awful. iWhatever he hears he rushes off to his father. And Min- erva is as bad. No one except a parent can re- alize the cares of one who has given a lifetime of devotion, only to be repaid by plain disloy- alty! What has he ever done for them? Noth- ing! And yet they cleave to him." Her friends, although keeping a sympathetic silence, conveyed the impression that her sor- row was theirs. Mrs. Banana speculatively eyed the other two. "Say! he's liable to tip my mitt to Banana, ain't he?" she began. "Now lemme tell you, in TWO SALOMES RETURN 205 all kind feeling ef he does he gits a whaling an' I'll be the whaler. I won't stand fur havin' my career mint." Mrs. Mangle was silent. ''Do yuh s'pose he would?" The landlady was not particularly interested in the troubles of the Bounding Bananas, but she garnered in- formation of all kinds and at all times. She liked to ascertain the point of view of every one. Mrs. Mangle truthfully replied that it was no use in wasting guesses upon Theodore's prob- able course. To plead with him, or to command silence, would only mean that he would retail much more to his father. While they discussed the matter a gong clanged in the hall. Dinner was ready. Mrs. Mangle hastened to her place at the "first table." Little Minnie Mangle, the Child "Wonder, was already in the dining-room, sam- pling such viands as she found unprotected. "I seen pop when I was comin' along Four- teenth Street, mommer," said she between bites of a pickled beet, "an' I hearn him tell a guy how he had two pails o' suds, a absinthe frap' an' four gin rickeys, an' he was goin' to git another before he beat it home, 'cause you'd jawr the life outa him anyway." ' ' So, ' ' said Mrs. Mangle tragically. " He is in 206 THE MAISON DE SHINE his cups again ! It is monstrous ! Horrible ! Oh, why am I tied to one so vile?" More of the paying guests arrived. Mrs. Man- gle stopped her comment upon the head of the family. The Property Man kindly furnished those present with the scores of that day's ball games. 1 'Where's Mangle?" he inquired. "Carousing in a corner groggery, I pre- sume, ' ' said Mrs. Mangle bitterly. ' * He prefers that to remaining with me and his children, like a decent man." "Aw, he only takes a nip now an' then," said he easily. "You weemen git a feller sore by doggin' at him if he bats a lamp. Now if I was a frail, an' my old man come rollin' in with an edge on, I' be there strong, tellin' him what a grand guy he was. See? The impression 'd git under his skin, even if he was a little bunned, an' " "When pop gits his pots on he's dead to the world, ain't he, mommer?" interrupted little Minnie shrilly. "The stage manager over to the Family Theater, in Hoboken, he said a agent couldn't slip pop twenty weeks on the K. an' P. cirkit when he was full. ' ' 1 * Minerva ! How dare you ? ' ' cried her moth- er. "It is he who has taught my tender babes TWO SALOMES RETURN 207 to sully their pure lips with such disgusting lan- guage, Mr. Johnson. Pray excuse her. ' ' "Heavings! I didn't hear her crackin' noth- in' out o' the way," said the landlady mildly. "She was merely talkin' or 'nary English, what we all speak." Mrs. Mangle looked at Mrs. de Shine toler- antly. At that moment William Mangle, enter- ing with a jovial salutation, took his chair. His odorous presence caused Mrs. Mangle to twist her lips into a sneer of such malignance that the Property Man was really in fear for the safety of his friend's life. "So," she said with a regal manner, "you have finally condescended to put in an appear- ance!" "Knocked down a bird with your first shot, kiddo," answered Mr. Mangle. "Here I am. Slam a few of those putatters on my plate, Susy, an' gimme whatever chuck you got." "They's chicking dumplin's an' fried fish," said the slavey. "Well, I'll gamble on the dumplin's, then," said he gaily; "if I croak, blame 'em." "I beg that you will not be so brutally vul- gar," requested Mrs. Mangle. "Why, Bill's only got his kiddin' clothes on," said the landlady. ' ' Quit bawlin ' him out, can 't yuh, Louiser?" 208 THE MAISON DE SHINE " You've been at it, too!" Mrs. Banana unex- pectedly accused Mr. Banana. "I smell you!" "Hully chee! Can't a man take a flat o' beer wit 'out gittin ' the razoo I ' ' The Property Man 's sense of justice was strong, and the attitude of the ladies was offensive to him. "S 'long's the boys carry on in a gelmunly fashing, who they harmin"?" defended the land- lady. "A' course, ef it was wife-beatin', or some o 7 them crimes, I'd be the fust to lift my voice fur my sex. But I do not b'lieve in chasm' a fight." Johnny Trippit, the world's champion buck dancer, applauded these sentiments in behalf of his sex. "If more skirts 'd feel the same I'd be a happy married gent to-day," said Trippit. "It's that me an' Birdie split over, an' while o' course when she wanted a divorce I was the goat, an' let her git it, yet just that same thing busted us an' put a topline act on the fritzsky." Affected by the sad memories with which his speech had filled his mind, the buck dancer has- tily drank a glass of water. "It's a mighty rough row all o' us gotta hoe, lemme tell you people them, ' ' he concluded ear- nestly. Mr. Mangle emphatically pounded on the edge of his plate with a knife. TWO SALOMES RETURN 209 ' * You bet, ' ' he agreed. * ' If she '11 quit pickin ' on me an' naggin' me so's I git where I rather be dead, then nix on that booze game fer me. I'm a reasonable feller, an' have been. All I ast is an even break." A tear hit the plate. Another pursued it. "Pop allus gits a cryin' jag after four drinks, ' ' said little Minnie. "See! Turnin' my kid ag'in me, are you?" Mr. Mangle, much incensed at the observation of his critical daughter, resentfully addressed Mrs. Mangle. "Nobody's turnin' no one," said the landlady. "Susy, bring on the puddin' an' cawfee. Why kinnot folks purceed pleasant like? Quarrelin' won't help it." "He is a villain!" said Mrs. Mangle stonily. "An' you're the devil himself!" shouted Mr. Mangle. "Oh, isn't that tur'ble?" Bessie Banana's shocked exclamation was the first. Then Miss Montagu pronounced Mr. Mangle 's treatment of his wife as unworthy of a murderer. Tessie Tossem, of the Tossems, comedy jug- glers, unhesitatingly agreed that the last insult was certainly ample provocation for a divorce on the grounds of cruel and inhuman treatment. Mr. Mangle whispered with the Property Man, who occupied the next chair. Trippit, Tossem 210 THE MAISON DE SHINE and J. Parrington Pounder, pianist at Smudge's 189th Street Theater, rallied at last, conversa- tionally, to the side of Mr. Mangle. "All right, I wisKt you would sue," said the accused. "I'd be tickled to death. No kiddin', I would. Then I might grab off a little peace. I can't git none this way. Whyn't you start? I'll pay fur it." "Git the same lawyer who framed mine," suggested Trippit. "He's ust to fixin' 'em up fur purfessionals, an' he don't soak you like the swell ones." Mr. Mangle wrote the attorney's name and ad- dress upon a card, swearing that he would visit him before noon of the next day. Mrs. Mangle seemed calm. " It is as well, ' ' said she. * ' I have my art. ' ' "An' when them there S'lome dances are run- nin' fur the end book," said Mr. Mangle, "you won't find art sech a fine affair. You'll be stick- in' 'round agents' offices searchin' fur a hand- out. You'll wisht you stuck to the Mangles Four 'stead o' droppin' the act that made you like you would a hot brick." "Louiser, rememba that they may be hoss sense in what Bill says," pleaded the landlady. "While per'snally I don't go much on a man's opinion, still onct in a while they git off sumpin' that ain't half bad," TWO SALOMES RETURN 211 "We git as many encores without her in the act," said little Minnie loudly. "I'm the one who drawrs the salary. Ain't I, pop?" "You stow that gas o' yours before I do it fur you!" said her father. "Mis' Mangle has quit us. All right. Now I order you to cut out usin' the name of Mangle in your billin' mat- ter!" "I will not do it!" screamed Mrs. Mangle. "Dog! Wretch! Coward!" ' ' He behaves like a dawg, darned if he don 't ! " The landlady was now for Mrs. Mangle. "As others are settlin' things, here's where I inform Mr. Banana that the Bananas are now parted in a purfessional sense." Thus Bessie Banana bravely faced fate. "I've signed to do S'lome." It was boldness indeed, for the team had been bossed since its beginning by the male member. The fair Bessie had hearkened to his orders and apparently obeyed them. When the burlesque manager had made his offer for a further un- dressing than Bessie so artistically accomplished twice a day upon the slack wire, Bill Banana's gruff voice bade him get hence and come no more. Privately, Bessie communicated with the man, accepted his terms, and gave her confidence to every one but Bill, who supposed she had gone 212 THE MAISON DE SHINE no further than to talk of it. And as is custom- ary in the circumstances, the man most con- cerned was the last to learn of the blow about to descend. For half a moment he was stunned, and looked it. * ' Susy, clear off every dish yuh kin lay a fin on," whispered the landlady to her minion. ' ' Things is due to fly here, or I 'm a hull lot more mistuck 'n I think. Hustle, too. It's startin' now!" "All you'll do," said Bill Banana suddenly, "is to let your burlesque man'ger know that he better stake out another S'lomy. You ain't goin' to be doin' no hoochee dance behind any row of foots ever was turned on. Do you git me?" "I ain't scared of you," said Bessie quakily. But she was. Under her make-up she paled. Mrs. Mangle, embroiled in her own family woes, could render small assistance. The Property Man laughed. "He's got the Injun sign on that dame," said lie after a prolonged survey of Bessie's fright- ened countenance. ' ' She ain 't got a chance. ' ' "Bessie, be strong!" advised Mrs. Mangle hysterically. "Do not be ruled by him. You are a free woman. Eemember it. Sign the contract." TWO SALOMES RETURN 213 "One time we was playin' Amuricun Falls, Idaho," said little Minnie, who was unimpressed by the prospect of a severance of amicable rela- tions between her parents, "an' mom an* pop split. Then mommer took a big fire axe out 'n the hall in the Merchants Hotel an' busted his door. She 'd snagged pop a coupla times on the bean with it, only he punched her. I was only a little gell then." "She's dangerous," opined Trippit, shaking his head. "No female with the axe habit could live in my wigwam. I got too much regard fer my health." "A fine sight you'd be, dancin' without a stitch, 'ceptin' a veil an' some clinkin' brass junk fur a waist!" This was a portion of Bill Banana's scathing rebuke. "That's right," said Trippit. "They don't. Ef one of 'em was mine, I'd S'lome her, believe me. Fleshin's are all right, an' good stuff, but when they begin takin' even them off " "Mista Trippit, seein' as this is not yer argy- ment, why add fuel to the flame?" demanded the landlady. "Whatever you done, at least you stuck to fleshin's," said Mr. Mangle. "I'll give you credit fur that. It's blame lucky you did, too." Baby Theodore Mangle had eaten his fill, com- 214 THE MAISON DE SHINE mencing with soup and pickled beets, and ending with stewed prunes and milk. Although busy with his meal, he had not been inattentive. Now he whacked his fork against a knife held in the other hand and addressed his father: "Teddy knows thumpin', pop," said he. The landlady coughed meaningly. Mrs. Man- gle flushed. "Theodore, that will do!" Mrs. Mangle threw him a menacing glance. Little Minnie Mangle chuckled. "He let me inter it, too, pop," said she, as if amused at the recollection. "Well, what is it? Out with it, or you'll git yours!" threatened Mr. Mangle. * ' Nunno ! ' ' shouted his wife. ' ' William, I for- bid you to listen!" "Out with it!" repeated Mr. Mangle angrily. * ' Come on ! D 'you hear me f ' ' "Mommer never wored no fleshin's. She thaid tho," said Baby Theodore. Mr. Mangle emitted a howl of rage and sprang to his feet. The ladies screeched, and the men roared. The Mangles Four mingled in battle, during which Mrs. Mangle bit Mr. Mangle's arm and he slapped her violently. It was a horrid scene. But out of the clash and crash issued Mr. Mangle, clothing pulled awry, face scratched, TWO SALOMES RETURN 215 and one eye blackened. Yet triumph was in his bearing. "Banana," he panted, "I've been a weak mark too long ! You got the correct dope. Mis' Mangle closes her S'lomy engagement to-night, an' then she'll be onct ag'in booked with the Mangles Four." * * But my contract ? ' ' Mrs. Mangle, indignant but cowed, asked it appealingly. "Don't annoy me," said he grandly. "Tell these people who's your boss." All the ladies wept. "Good eye, Bill," said the Property Man. "You're only purtectin' your home." "Heavings!" breathed the landlady. "Mangles Four '11 open Monday mat 'nee, on my bookin' fur the Mangles Three," said Mr. Mangle. "Tell 'em who's your boss! G'wan, 'fore I git het up ag'in !" "Well you you are!" sobbed Mrs. Mangle. Mrs. Banana wept with her, for both knew it was the end of two Salomes. THE BOARDERS GO RACING * ' THE hall 's fuller gelmun, mum, ' ' said Susy. "They're all wantin' board an' room, an' told me to sprint up an' call you." * ' Dear me ! An ' jest when I was deplorin ' the state o ' business, ' ' said Mrs. de Shine, hustling for the stairway. She descended, smiling a welcome, into the midst of a dozen men and as many suit-cases. "In the purfession, I pursoom, gents I" she inquired affably. A stout man answered first. "That's what we are," said he. "I see you know your book, ma 'am. A guy named Johnson ^ive your address to one o' my men, an' here we are. How 'bout baths ?" "One on each floor," said she, "an* guests is gave every encouragement to use 'em. As fur the table, they could stack the Sant Wreckus an' them joints' manyoos agin' mine, an' I got no fear of the result. I trust they's no objection to goin' two in a room?" The party of homeseekers consulted. 216 THE BOARDERS GO RACING 217 "Well, the way things are breaking Bill," said a tall young fellow, "we better grab what we can. It'd been nothing less than two rooms and bath last week, but anything 's pretty sweet now." His words made the landlady uneasy. She de- cided that frankness would be best. "I'll have to ast each fur a week in advance," she announced. "A' course, where people's knowed to me, the rule ain't so strict, but a woming alone has gotta purtect herself." "What's your terms?" inquired the stout man. "Ten, eight an* six, accordin' to room," she replied. "She's layin' liberal odds," said a voice. Many chuckles followed. "I'll take six, on the limb, lady." The stout man handed her six dollars. "I'll string with you," said another. "It's a bad day for long shots." "I may be playin' 'em closer next week, but mine '11 go on the nose now," called the tall boarder. "Here's your ten." A short youth proffered his six. "Couldn't hunch the price a point, just once," he asked gaily, "for a good feller?" "Rully, I guess yer kiddin' me, but I don't git yuh boys at all," giggled the landlady. 218 THE MAISON DE SHINE "Whatever do yuh mean? Ef that's show talk, it's noo stuff to me." * ' What 'd you take us for, actors ? ' ' The stout man guffawed delightedly. "Nix! You got your money on a dead card. We follow the horses. " "An' I thought yuh was a stranded minstrel troupe, ' ' said she. " I do declare ! I hope some one o' yuh kin gimme a winner. I was onct forty bones ahead, but a coupla acrobats what lived here got me to put the hull roll on some old plug, an' it never did come in." Optimistically they promised that she should have an opportunity to regain that forty. With Susy's assistance as guide they were led to the apartments they were to occupy. As the stout man climbed sweatingly to the top floor rear a door on the fourth landing opened and a lovely picture met his eyes. Upon a low rocker sat a bepuffed and bewaved blonde. Bountiful as was the supply of yellow glory already piled high upon her head, it was evident that the structure was incomplete. She was combing and rolling more puffs, adding these, one by one, and with much care, to the rest. In the doorway stood a lady in a bright ki- mono. She held some long, limp article, made of yellowish silk, in one hand. THE BOARDERS GO RACING 219 "I s'pose these tights got to do me another week," she said, while the climber stopped to stare admiringly from the gloomy obscurity of the stairs, "fur since we lose that Park date at Jamestown I gotta clip the corners an awful lot. My, ain't it hot? I'm roastin'. Oh! it's a man ! ' ' She shut the door upon him. Mournfully he plodded upward after Susy. ' ' Who 's the gal in the green wrapper, kiddo ? ' ' he asked. The unconventional address charmed the sla- vey so that she snickered delightedly. ''Them's the De Gash Sisters," she respond- ed. "Emma's the one just got a divorce from her husband. He's in vod-veel, too, an' does a act under the name of De Vere, though the divorce brung out that his real name's Lezin- sky." ' ' Give her a tough deal, eh ? " he asked. ' ' An ' the one with all the store hair's her sister?" "Jest in the business," explained Susy. "They ain't reg'lar sisters." "Say! no bath towels?" he asked. "The guests gits a towel twict a week," said Susy. "They kin take a bath with 'em if they wanter. Dinner's when I ring the bell." * ' Gee ! " he ejaculated ruefully. ' ' Listen here. Susy 's your monaker f Then here 's half a bone. 220 THE MAISON DE SHINE Slip me some towels an* you'n me '11 be good friends . How 's the f eedin ' below ? ' ' "Well, don't never take fish, stoo, nor pud- din'," warned the unfaithful minion. "Corn' beef an' cabbitch, an' pie an' the vegitabbles, they're all right. I'll kick your foot when I'm passin' 'em." "Susy, you got a great head," he said, "and I'll tell you how you can grab yourself another half. When you git a chance, let Miss Emma know that a party who owns a lot o' racehorses is livin ' here. See ? I sort o ' like her looks. ' ' The alert slavey promised. As she went down the De Gash Sisters ' door permitted interested spectators the knowledge that Birdie de Gash had finished her hair. "Who's that mob, Susy?" the ladies queried. The slavey, in a cautious tone, repeated the rotund stranger's words. "I hate fat people," said Birdie querulously. "Are they all sloppy-figgered like him?" Emma de Gash protested. "Fat men have kind hearts, Birdie Smith," said she warmly, "an' he had a real nice face." Within the brief space of five minutes Susy secured her reward and hurried blithely to at- tend the housing of more boarders, hoping fer- vently that all of them might be smitten with Emma or a capable substitute. THE BOARDERS GO RACING 221 1 1 The house is full up, I thank Heaving ! ' ' said the landlady gladly. ' * It suttenly is a providen- tial thing that they come as they done, ain't it? Yuh betta beat it to the kitching an' explain how we got extry fur dinner. ' ' The stout man called at the room of two of his friends at five-thirty. "Well, I win out a swell gal already," he said, with honest pride. " She's a dancer, an' a queen, boys. It won't be so bad here." Jack and Frank, one a sheetwriter, the other cashier in the speaker's book, observed him cu- riously. "Just been divorced," he added. "I let the servant shoot a little salve about me bein' one of the real guys an' all that." The clang of the dinner-bell interrupted him. Swift-rushing footsteps outside notified them that it were best to rapidly reach the lower hall. The racing gentlemen, who had appeared before the regular dwellers in the Maison de Shine, formed themselves into a solid, three-by-three wedge, and advanced to the dining-room. "Everybody snatch a seat!" shouted Jack. The Property Man and the Mangles Four, leaping after the leaders, squeezed into their ac- customed places, but Johnny Trippit, the buck dancer, and Miss Montagu, the ingenue, were left chairless. 222 THE MAISON DE SHINE 1 ' What horrible coarse men ! " the blondest De Gash Sister thus voiced her angry feelings, "crowdin' out ladies an' children like a lot of beasts!" Mrs. de Shine, excited, but in full control of events, declined to hearken to such plaints. "Them what gits in fust eats fust," said she loudly. "Sutten parties has got a habit of ar- rivin' to meals when they git a mind ter, an' the gelmun is entirely within their rights." But the stout man had risen. His name was Black. "Tell Miss Emma that her seat's waitin'," he whispered. The slavey importantly delivered the mes- sage. "Set right down," he begged. "Say! can't you guys move up t " Miss Emma, declaring that he was too awfully kind, was persuaded to accept his courteous offer. Her professional relative displayed chagrin, but this faded almost immediately, because Jack, as gallant as his employer, was beckoning to her. And Jack was not of that hefty build which she had said was not to her taste. He was slim, and quite handsome. ' ' Those De Gashes are a pair of forward hus- sies!" said Mrs. Mangle indignantly. THE BOARDERS GO RACING 223 "Mommer says you had a husbing, an' he quit yer 'cause he was sick o' bein' bawled out," observed little Minnie Mangle. This candid criticism from the Child Wonder was heard by all. * ' Hey ! Cut that out ! ' ' commanded Mr. Man- gle. Emma de Gash was a woman of spirit. More- over, ensconced as she was between a round dozen of male persons who showed appreciation of her vivacious presence quite as frankly as little Minnie narrated the maternal sentiments, felt reasonably safe. "Louisa Mangle is a liar!" she exclaimed. ' ' Mommer ! Mith de Gath thays you 's a liar ! ' ' howled Baby Theodore Mangle, the Infant Prodigy. "Kough house comin', sure," said the Prop- erty Man, shielding his features with his arm. "Low bridge!" Mrs. Mangle, with eyes glinting fire, raised a large bowl of pickled beets. Emma snatched the filled plate which Black had relinquished to her. In all previous warfare small talk of a bright, personal character had been hurled be- fore heavier missiles. The coonful Emma figured that Mrs. Mangle expected this verbal sparring and the consequent interference of friends on both sides. Mrs. 224 THE MAISON DE SHINE Mangle prefaced what was intended for an able attack by hissing ' 'Hussy I" "I am, am I?" shrieked Emma, and sent the plate to finish the sentence. Mr. Mangle clasped his wife to prevent further carnage. "I knowed it was due," said the Property Man. "It's the weather. I feel ornery myself." The grinning racing faction was holding Em- ma back, but whispering secret applause. Mrs. Mangle, deprived of her rights, gave a doleful scream, and sank inertly upon the property man. Mrs. de Shine rushed toward her. "Louiser, quit four-flushin' an set up!" she said. "Oh, is this yer boasted frenship, what does its best to put a respectable penshun on the slide fur fair?" "That dame done the first throwing " began Mr. Mangle, "an' now she's laffin like it's a good joke." "And with a pack of men she never saw be- fore," spitefully cried Miss Montagu from the door. The latter had not been requested to give some courtly gentleman the privilege of vacat- ing his place for her, so her rancor was natural in the circumstances. The landlady began to weep. "I earnestly apologize fer the actions o' some TEE BOARDERS GO RACING 225 o* the ladies resident in the Maisong de Shine," she said sniffingly. "What yuh gelnran will think, the dear knows, but at least I trust yuh '11 believe that these here run-ins is not did every ineal." Mrs. Mangle, after being scraped by her at- tentive family, resumed her chair. "If you dare to attack me again, madam," she said passionately, "I will swear out a war- rant and have you bound over to keep the peace. You had best recollect that there is a law in the land." "She'll be sickin' Hughes on you." said Black. Emma scornfully tossed her head; Birdie laughed shrilly. "She prob'ly won't git no further 'n she did the time the Mangle Four was goin' to sue a Cincinnaty manager fur closin' 'em at the first show, 'cause their act was a bunk, ' ' said Birdie. "Mommer, I ain't no bunk!" squealed little Minnie. "She's a story, an' the De Gash Sis- ters never was good artists, was they?" "Teddy thaw her makin' her hair yellow," prattled Baby Theodore eagerly, "f'om a p 'woxide bottle. ' ' "This here must quit," said the landlady au- thoritatively. "It shall not be kep' up, an' the fust guest to start sumpin' else is goin' to be in- 226 THE MAISON DE SHINE formed polite that they kin tear fur pastures noo an' fresh an* all arrears gotta be settled before leavin'." It was the threat which could produce peace when all else failed of result. The belligerent De Gashes, the Mangles Four, even the racing men for these latter, although solvent at the moment, realizing that a day might arrive when the same harsh words might chill their enthusiasm grew silent. The Property Man laughed once, but he al- ways paid in advance, and could afford to pub- licly exhibit his mirth. "How 'bout a latchkey?" one of the newest boarders asked. "Four bits deposit," said the landlady, "on all keys. It's gave back when the pusson de- parts, an' bein' as the entire purfession'd have keys ef it wasn't did, I trust yuh understand." A clink of silver was heard, then a jangling of baser metal, as Mrs. de Shine reached down, first requesting them to kindly withdraw their attention, and took from her stocking a suffi- cient number of keys. "An' I hope yuh boys will all be as happy as ef yuh was in yer own home, ' ' said she. * ' The rest is, an' we live care free an' pleasant, like one large fam'ly." THE BOARDERS GO RACING 227 ' ' I see you do, ' ' said Frank. ' ' Do they mix it often?" The landlady giggled. "To tell the hull truth," she said, "it didn't do Louiser no harm to git hit, fur she suttenly is a ravin' bug when she begins. Them affairs is deplorable, but where is they that yuh won't find friction?" The racing dozen went out and walked to the subway. Although forced through a cut in their incomes to dwell on Irving Place, they returned to Broadway to spend their evenings. They agreed that life in the actors' boarding-house might be lacking in certain comforts obtainable in the best hotels, but it was not dull. And that made up for much. "He thinks he can win, sure," said Bob. They were at dinner, and even Mrs. Mangle was amiable. "Heavings! I lose ten on that last one," said the landlady ruefully. "Now, do yuh, honest Injun, think it's perf'ly safe?" "Wai, be game, Maggie," advised the Prop- erty Man. "Gamblin's allus a lottery, but the best people fall fur it, an' if you bet your jingle straight then you get sumpin'." "Mommer, I wanna make a bet," said little Minnie loudly. "Kin IT" 228 THE MAISON DE SHINE "You're too young, " rebuked her father. "Shut up that noise!" "I ain't too young to be drawrin' all the coin our act gits," retorted the Child Wonder, "an' the stage man'ger said yestiddy that I got a darned old head on my shoulders. I'm goin' to bet on him ef I wanna. ' ' ' ' Oh, Minerva ! will you not endeavor to de- port yourself as a lady?" pleaded Mrs. Mangle. "If she was brung up right she would," ob- served Mr. Mangle sourly; "'tain't me that's learnin' her to be so impident." "Fur gracious sakes!" interposed the land- lady, "kin'ly reserve the washin' of fam'ly lin- ing fur yer own rooms, fur with all in good hu- mor, they kin be no excuse fur pickin' on no- body. As I was tryin' to observe, we oughta make a pool." "Don't go in, dearie. It ain't got a chance on earth." Black had spoken quietly to Emma de Gash, but others caught it. "It ain't? Is that so? You're a smart guy, you are," excitedly remarked Bob; "worked a half in fifty-nine, in the mud, to-day." "That's goin' some!" exclaimed the buck dancer. "Who'll ride him?" "I don't believe," said Black, forced to reply to such an assertion, "that he ever done it." THE BOARDERS GO RACING 229 "In other words," said Bob heatedly, "I'm tippin ' 'em wrong, is that it ? " * * Nope, I dunno 's it is. ' ' Black was not easily disturbed, and he smiled upon the younger man. "I mean you've been badly steered. His last race was bad." "Here I was all set to git even on him, an' now it's all broke up," complained the landlady. "Then what are we goin' to play?" "Well, Birdseed's got a pull in the weights," said Black reflectively; "he'll be as good as eight to five." "But the other is ten to one!" cried Emma. "Which is the most for us?" "We gotta put up eight to git five," said the landlady. "Ain't that correct?" "Can't a frail never git nawtin' right?" fretfully demanded the Property Man. "They lay eight agin' your five. See? An' winnin' eight's better 'n losin', any day." It did not appear that the ladies thought so. They argued until Black said he would take back all he had said about Birdseed. "Then yuh jest been foolin' us?" asked the landlady. "Fur ef he could win before, why can'tEenow?" "I just mean that I'm sorry I butted in," wearily shouted Black. "Take whatever you want. These guys know so much about hosses 230 THE MAISON DE SHINE that they're all broke let 'em dope a few. I tried to do something fur you, and all I get fur it is to be hollered at" "When we were playin' Buffalo last season, before Emma an' me started as a team," said Birdie de Gash, "a feller gimme a tip on the Fort Erie races, an' I win sixty dollars. But can you bet if you go to the track ? ' ' "I know a coupla people who are doin' busi- ness," assured Bob. The landlady suddenly beat upon the table with a knife. "Listen, folks!" she began. "Let's all go to the track to-morra in a big machine. By club- bin' in the cost is light. It seems like a swell ideer. ' ' The paying guests clapped their hands. "A pal of mine will rent one at half price," said Black, again friendly. "I'm in." "Me, too," said the rest. "An' ef any old bull tries to stop me makin' a wager," said the landlady bravely, "I'll poke my yella parasol in the slob's lamp, an' make him wisht he'd left me be." Two automobiles of the rubberneck brand ran slowly into the line of parked cars at the Sheeps- head Bay track next day. With gleeful cries the female boarders climbed down into the arms of their escorts. Mrs. de Shine panted beside the Property Man into the grandstand. 11 Don't be crackin' loud about bettin'," all the ladies were told by Bob. "Be careful. These fresh plain-clothes boys are snoopin' around every place. ' ' "I hope that lobster up to Albany swallers a nail," viciously declared the landlady. "I s'pose he lose a coupla bets, an' done this to git hunk, ' ' opined the Property Man. "Gee ! there's Johnny Rafferty of Hines an* Rafferty. They do a dancin' act, ' ' said the buck dancer. He rushed off to confer with this celebrated artist. "This is sumpin' like Parus," said Emma; "not so swell, you know, but it's pretty good." " Yes, I love Paree, ' ' replied Black. * ' Go ra- cin' much when you was there?" "Every day we didn't have a matinee," said she. "If I ever get married," said he significantly, " I 'm going back there on my wedding tour. Do you get seasick much?" It was as good as an offer of his hand and heart, but Emma was coy, and again, her inter- locutory decree had yet to be handed down by a justice who declined to hurry with other per- sons' divorces. 232 THE MAISON DE SHINE "When was you to Parus last?" she inquired. "Been over every year," said Black. He had really never journeyed farther into foreign lands than Chicago, but conversed so flu- ently of European customs that he fooled Emma. She also had limited her travels to her native country, but one must at times assume knowl- edge. "I don't see no bulls, pop," said little Minnie, who was arrayed for this day in the befrilled red silk dancing frock which she had worn in the act of the Mangles Four when doing her imi- tation of Genee. "They're piroutin' 'round all right," said the Property Man. "Don't let one of 'em ketch you. Bulls are awful attracted by red." Little Minnie chortled at the excellent jest. "Mommer's bettin' our last week's board," she confided, "'cause pop says we might's well be cleaned as the way we are." "Teddy wants to wide a hossy!" exclaimed Baby Theodore, "an' Teddy's firsty." "If he goes agin' this track booze, he'll die on you, sure," said Black. "Will you drink water, kid?" "Pop don't," replied Theodore frankly. The racing gentlemen supplied their charges with programs, penciled the jockeys' names THE BOARDERS GO RACING 233 upon them, and furnished all information de- sired. "Gells, do take a flash!" said the landlady. "Ain't that Bessie Banana, of the Boundin' Ba- nanas, settin' over there in the big green Merry WiddeH" "Yes, it is. And the Bananas stole our fin- ish," said Mrs. Mangle. "I wonder that she has the effrontery to look at me and bow. The two-faced cat!" "Per'snally I got nothin' agin* her," said Mrs. de Shine, "though I hearn that both her an' Bill done a hull lot o' knockin' concernin* the chuck served by me, which the same was bad taste, seein' as they owe me this seckind." "Oh! what's that?" Birdie de Gash arose, pointing to a hurrying crowd. "Pinchin' some poor dub fer bettin'," said the Property Man. "Now you gals see how it ain't no joke." "His name will get in the papers and it'll be a nasty muss, ' ' explained Black. ' ' They 're only too glad to grab any one these times. It's a shame and an outrage!" "Will they take you fur just handin' summon a piece o' money?" "Sure!" said he. "In a minute." Birdie whispered to Emma, and at the same moment Mrs. Mangle drew little Minnie to her, 234 THE MA1SON DE SHINE held private speech with her child, and the intel- ligent Wonder nodded comprehensively. "It may mean an engagement on the roof, Minerva," she counseled, "and I rely upon you to do your best." Little Minnie whispered back: "I'm hep, mommer. I ain't scared o' nothin' that'll help the act." ' ' My noble, self-sacrificing babe ! ' ' Mrs. Man- gle 's emotion was such that she dropped a tear upon the curled head of little Minnie. Black and his friends went to the ring in search of tidings straight from the barn. They were not making book until some sort of order had been brought from the chaotic state in which racing was at the moment. So every day was a holiday for them, whether they wished it to be one or not. Black desired ardently to assist Emma to an increase of money. Bob felt an equal interest in the bepuffed Birdie. Miss Montagu had won the admiration of Jack, who had sat up until four of that morning earnestly conning the "past performances" of the horses entered. Mrs. de Shine was intent upon winning a month's rent for the boarding-house. Every one wanted money, and meant to get it, if they could. The Property Man went to the ring with TEE BOARDERS GO RACING 235 the others. Mr. Mangle and the buck dancer followed. Little Minnie darted after them. As abruptly Miss Montagu, Emma, Birdie, the landlady and Mrs. Mangle got up and hastened to the lawn. Each seemed anxious to quit the immediate vicinity of her friends. 1 ' Where yuh gells bound fer ?' ' asked the land- lady suspiciously. Mrs. Mangle was straining her eyes after lit- tle Minnie, behind whom Baby Theodore hus- tled, his abbreviated legs finding her swift pace too fast for comfort. "I merely walked down to look around," said Emma. "I'll see you in a little while." "With vague and insufficient excuses they parted. What were the ladies of the Maison de Shine about to do? A wild scream attracted the Property Man, rushing about in a vain endeavor to find 6 to 5 on a 4 to 5 shot. Then another sounded. Black caught his arm. "That's Emma!" he roared. "Come on, Johnson! If any one's harmed a hair of that dear head I'll have his life!" "Gee! it won't hurt the hair none," soothed the more experienced Property Man. " I 'm wit ' you. I dunno what kin be comin' off." 236 THE MAISON DE SHINE 1 ' Help ! help ! help ! Help ! help ! ' ' In the center of the ring little Minnie Mangle stood. A bewildered policeman tugged at her red skirt. "He hit me," squalled Minnie, "fur makin' a dollar bet ! Help ! help ! help ! I 'm little Min- nie of the Mangles Four in vod'veel, an' I'm bein' arrested." "Aw, you ain't, neither," said the embar- rassed cop. "I just told the brat to beat it out o' here. G'wan, now, or I will pinch you ! This ain't no place fur little gals. Somebody take her out." "Unhand my babe!" Mrs. Mangle, her picture-hat awry upon her artistically disheveled locks, flung herself at the policeman. Mr. Mangle dashed toward her. Baby Theodore, seeing his parent entangled with a surprised, blue-coated stranger, cunning- ly prostrated his small form and violently kicked the enemy upon a fat ankle. A wild scene followed. Mr. and Mrs. Mangle, the latter hysterically shrieking that she would, if she must, be one of the test-case martyrs, were finally brought to the lawn by two policemen. Some uncertainty prevailed as to whether little Minnie was under THE BOARDERS GO RACING 237 arrest or not. The Mangles chose to consider that she was. On the way to the gate two other crowds joined the one which trooped behind the snared bettors. Mrs. de Shine and Miss Montagu, un- der police escort, formed the fair magnet for one. The Sisters de Gash, proudly marching side by side, came in the next throng. All had, by almost incredible effort, succeeded in proffer- ing money to an unclassified bookmaker in the person of the buck dancer, who noisily pro- claimed the fact that he had accepted their bets. A patrol wagon arrived after a wait, during which people forgot the races and watched only the vaudeville prisoners. Eeporters gathered names, and the Property Man was bidden break in doors at the boarding-house and seek out pho- tographs of the victims for quick publication. The Bounding Bananas, who had not thought of this novel means of advertising, came to look with the rest. Their chagrin was distressing. "Tell Susy to git dinner, an' ef the house can 't be tuck fur bail in Brooklyn, go fur Magis- trate Corrigan," commanded the landlady. "We'll git out by mornin', sure. Farewell all, an' say how Maggie de Shine went to the hoodie- hoodie waggin like Mary Queen o' Scots to her finish!" "Kemember, Mangles Four not Three," 238 THE MAISON DE SHINE hurriedly reminded Mr. Mangle, "an* ast the reporters to git our names right, an' tell them guys not to be kiddin', 'cause this here's a seri- ous matter." The Property Man, holding Baby Theodore aloft, grinningly promised. The patrol wagon was loaded with its talented freight. The big automobiles moved out, in close pursuit, with Black and his friends and other boarders jammed into the seats. "Say! Birdseed won in a walk, Emma!" he bellowed. "Your five was on at three to one." "An' I bet ten a place for you at even money on Morning Glory, Birdie!" called Bob. "He was second by a nose ! ' ' "Then I win the rent on the two of 'em!" screeched the landlady from the wagon ahead, ' * 'cause I bet on 'em both I ' ' "What the dickens did they do it for?" Black demanded. Gladsome yells from the vaudevillians rose to the skies. The Property Man laughed. "You tell him, kid," he urged. The smallest member of the Mangles gravely eyed those nearest him. "Advertisin' makes thuccess," lisped Baby Theodore. "Pop thays so." MRS. TRIPPIT GETS BACK AT JOHNNY "FuR mercy's sake, Mis' Trippit, what's hap- pened?" asked Mrs. de Shine. The guests were at dinner, and between the buck dancer and his wife, who, once separated by the divorce courts, had forgiven each other and married again, no word had passed. This was such a departure from the usual custom of the pair that the land- lady was moved to comment upon the silence. "Ast Mr. Trippit," said the buck dancer's wife coldly. ' * I guess he kin tell. ' ' "If I done wrong by astin' a civil question, the dear knows I regret it, ' ' said Mrs. de Shine with hauteur. "It ain't my wish, as them what is acquainted with me knows, to pry into fam'ly matters." Mr. Trippit cut his portion of steak viciously. All the boarders looked at him expectantly. "She's sore because I'm goin' on Broadway, that's all," he remarked, with a laudable en- deavor to appear quite at ease. There was a hum of surprised comment from the table in general. * * Broadway ! ' observed the 240 THE MAISON DE SHINE Property Man. "Where do you get that staff at!" Johnny Trippit smiled. "It ain't no fairy pipe, old pal," he remarked. "I'm engaged as special feature with * The Artist 's Model. ' See ? I do my dance an' play a part." Mrs. Trippit sniffed scornfully. The landlady leaned over her shoulder. "Are yuh goin' with 'em, my dear?" she queried. "No," said Mrs. Trippit loudly, "I ain't. John Trippit 's wife, what could have her own act an' it'd be a knockout screech, too ain't classy enough to be ast to play on Broadway. But it's all right. It don't make no difference to me." ' ' Aw, let up ! " growled her husband. * ' Seems to me we argyed enough about this gag, ain't we? You said onct you was satisfied." * l Oh, I 'm satisfied. Don 't worry about that, ' ' said Mrs. Trippit bitingly. "G'wan an' suit yourself. I wouldn't care if you went in forty swell productions." "There she goes," began Mr. Trippit, appeal- ing to the other boarders. "Her an' me has all this fuss once, an' now she starts it over ag'in. Here a fine offer's made to git into the legit, an' she's beefin' 'cause I take it. It ain't right." "Is they a part in the show fur her?" de- manded the landlady judicially. MRS. TRIPPIT GETS BACK 241 Mr. Trippit maintained a sullen silence. "No!" shouted his wife, so abruptly that Maizie Montgomery, the singing soubrette, dropped a pickled beet which she was in process of conveying to her ruby lips. "That ain't no way to do," said the landlady in a tone of rebuke. "Ef any one knows the show business, an' knows it root an' branch, that pusson is me. I've seen teams split before, an' no good come of it." "I always did say that he was the whole act," said Henry Bender, of Twister and Bender, the acrobats, who were playing a week in dear old New York again. His partner assisted Henry to another wafer- like slice of roast beef before he replied. "I don't see where you get that dope from," said he. "Bertha Trippit 's a swell little dancer, but he's all the time hoggin' the center. I knew John when he was scrappin' around for a dollar. It was her made him." Opinion differed as to the relative profes- sional value of the Dancing Trippits. Back of the scenes of various vaudeville stages that eve- ning the news that Johnny Trippit had been se- cretly rehearsing his new part for three weeks, and was now ready to plunge into musical com- edy, was discussed exhaustively. His wife packed her theater trunk in their 242 THE MAISON DE SHINE dressing-room on the Saturday night which ended their career as a vaudeville attraction. Hot tears dripped from her blue eyes upon the chiffon frills of the orange gown which she had worn for her opening song. From the lively life of the varieties Mrs. Trippit must begin an enforced retirement. Her husband endeavored to cheer her by mention of the long, delightful days of rest that were to be hers. "You kin go an' see all the shows," he promised. "I think you got a cinch. ' ' "I'd rather be working" she said gloomily. "Do you s'pose, after playin' two shows a day for five years, I can just sit down and do noth- in'?" Mr. Trippit said she was a most unreasonable woman. On the opening night she went to the theater with him. As he dressed with another male member of the company she had to roam around, standing in entrances until stage hands or others crowded her out. She found a clear space between a property mantel and a "set" rock, used in the second act, and leaned against the mantel forlornly. "Look out!" shouted some one. She dodged scenery until it became necessary to seek an- other spot in which to stand. The chorus, in spangled green, came hustling down the narrow stairs from their dressing-rooms. MRS. TRIPPIT GETS BACK 243 No one knew her, nor did they know Johnny Trippit. The stage manager did. "Who's this fellow Trippit that's down for a dancing specialty?" asked a slim young man in evening dress. He was with the stage manager. Neither of them noticed her. ' * Oh, he 's a hick who 's been in vaudeville," answered the latter. "You can see the hay on him yet, but he sure can dance. A wonder, that's what. He's got it on all o' them, and as soon as we tip him to get some decent-looking clothes made, he'll do." So they didn't approve of Johnny's wardrobe, made by Fourteenth Street's smartest tailor? Mrs. Trippit sighed. Then she looked at the slim young man. There was about him a de- cided air of class. His shirt buttons were black pearls, and very small. Johnny wore large eye- compelling studs of imitation pearl, and a ring with a huge diamond of disreputable origin. He had bought it cheaply from a man who preferred not to say from whence it came, but he intimated that had it been come by more honestly the price might have been higher. The slim man wore no diamond ring. Johnny also sported another neat ring. It bore a large black onyx shield, on which, in diamond ' ' chips, "was the letter " T. " The Trippits ad- mired this ring greatly. 244 THE MAISON DE SHINE Speculating upon the stranger's attire, Mrs. Trippit began to ponder certain matters. Pos- sibly Johnny's display of mineral wealth was too profuse to accord with strict good taste. "Will you not permit me to offer you a chair?" asked the young man. "I can find one at once." Mrs. Trippit started when she realized that he was addressing her. It was the first note of friendliness which she had met there. Before she could answer he disappeared, returning in a moment with a chair. "Please do," he said, smiling. ' ' Thank you ever so much, ' ' she returned po- litely. The stage manager, after a brief ab- sence, returned, and seeing her in the first en- trance was about to inform Mrs. Trippit that visitors, especially on a premiere, must not im- pede the way of art. "It's a friend of mine," remarked the young man. "Oh!" said the stage manager expressively. Johnny was on but once in the first act, and he was very nervous, so much so that when she greeted him as he came off he passed by unheed- ing. In the second act he had a song, with the chorus and the Six Imperial Show Girls assist- ing. iWhen Johnny got the stage alone, his MRS. TRIPPIT GETS BACK 245 "spesh" once begun, he forgot that a sated Broadway audience watched. As the familiar melody to which he danced his famous "wooden shoe buck" reached her ears his wife's heart leaped. She knew just at what instant they would applaud, and whereas once she might have glided on, snatched up her fluffy skirts, and finished the act with him, to-night she must look on, a mere spectator of his triumph. There was a buzz of approbation and a furious clapping. Those on the stage murmured praises. "Didn't I tell you?" asked the stage manager of the slim young man. Johnny took his encores, trying to hide his gratification. There were many vaudeville top- liners in front. Every performer not working that week had come to watch his debut. "Johnny!" exclaimed his wife sharply, as he started for his dressing-room. A statuesque creature in a pink gown, wondrously molded to her curves, had laid a hand upon his sleeve. Mrs. Trippit saw the little cloud of powder left upon the black of his coat. "You were splendid!" said the pink lady en- thusiastically. "Fine for you! Mr. Brooks wants you to come to the supper afterward. [Will you for me?" "You bet I will!" he replied, with unre- strained fervor. 246 THE MAISON DE SHINE Mrs. Trippit shrank back so that he might not see her, grinding her pretty little teeth. "The pig ! ' ' she hissed. ' * Pig ! pig ! pig ! ' ' She hated all of them, and Johnny Trippit 's pink admirer more than any one. Mrs. de Shine was helping the slavey impart flea powder to Fido, the poodle, as Mrs. Trippit entered the hall of the boarding-house. 1 1 Hearings ! What 's wrong ? ' cried the land- lady shrilly. Mrs. Trippit flung herself, a sobbing heap of furs and silks and picture-hat, upon the stairs. Burrowing her face in the prickly carpet, she wept out her woe. "Susy, git some booze this instant!" com- manded Mrs. de Shine authoritatively. "The blame show's been a frost, or he crabbed the hull thing. Now yuh see ef I ain't right. It'd be jest like John Trippit to ruing the hull af- fair." The amiable Susy dashed into the landlady's boudoir. "Gimme a swig, too," said her em- ployer. "The sight of pore Berther takin' on so has jest upset me dretful." Gently they raised Mrs. Trippit. "An' was he a frost, my dear?" queried the landlady. "Take the licker; it'll do yuh a world o' good." MRS. TR1PPIT GETS BACK 247 ' ' Frost ! ' ' wailed the sufferer. < ' The lobster was a hit!" Susy nodded to her mistress. The latter re- turned a glance which said plainly that some- thing was very, very wrong. Having gulped down the invigorating whisky, Mrs. Trippit righted her hat, settled her skirts, and sat comfortably upon the first step of the stairs. Mrs. de Shine and Susy gathered about her. "He was the big scream of the piece," she be- gan slowly. "Tuck six bows. An' he's won out the leadin' woman, too! Oh! it's great to be on Broadway and forget your own wife, Mis ' de Shine!" "What'd he do!" The listeners spoke to- gether. She told of the pink person, and how Johnny had ignored her. ' ' Berther, ef yuh let him git away with them plays yuh ain't the womin I think you are," advised Mrs. de Shine. "Them uptown hussies has turned his head, that's all. An' he never was strong on hoss sense." "That's true, an' no mistake," said Mrs. Trippit dejectedly. "Yer place," continued Mrs. de Shine, "is by his side at their bum old supper. But don 't yuh care. Wait '11 1 git out my dimings an' slap 248 THE MAISON DE SHINE on my pompadour, an' us gells will jest go up to Churchill's an' have a supper of our own." "I feel too mean to go anywhere," sobbed Mrs. Trippit. She could not be persuaded to join the expedition, so the three ladies made tea, and over it, with a plate of sandwiches flanked by a pie, they spoke of the dangers of musical comedy, and of Johnny. Out of the drear recol- lections of the night Mrs. Trippit was enabled to pluck forth one pleasant incident, in which the slim young man figured. "Yuh should have copped him out," declared the landlady, "an* I guess yuh could quick enough, with yer face an ' figger. Them Broad- way dames ain't got nothin' on yuh at no time, my dear." The last boarder had clumped up the creaking stairway when Johnny Trippit got out of a cab at the door of the Maison de Shine. He stag- gered as he set a course for the steps, but that he still retained somewhat of discretion was evi- denced when he searched carefully in all his pockets, bringing forth at last a lady's long white glove, which he dropped into a soot-crust- ed bank of snow with a low chuckle. ' ' Wunnerf ul woman ! " he said, holding to the knob for support. * ' Wunnerf ul ! ' ' And it need MRS. TRIPPIT GETS BACK 249 not be inferred that it was of Mrs. Trippit that he muttered. There was a chill silence as he stumbled up- ward, once inside the house. The door of his room was locked. Mrs. Trippit, who had been weeping into a writing-desk, admitted him. Her hair was not in curl-papers, as usual. She had decided that as Mr. Trippit and herself were no longer so closely associated as of yore, it were undignified to appear before him in such a frank state of undress. Therefore, her brown hair was waved, and coiled at the top of her head. "What do you want?" she inquired harshly. "Wanner go t 'sleep," said Johnny sociably. "Wha's madder?" Not a word of her, or how she had arrived home ! Although aware of the absolute futility of wasting speech upon a vineleaf-crowned hus- band, she raised her voice and conversed with such strength and fluency that even if Johnny disregarded it, the Omaha Comedy Four, near by, could hear every word, and that consoled a bit. The tale of Johnny's misconduct was carried hither and thither throughout the establishment before breakfast next morning. The slavey eagerly prattled of Mrs. Trippits lonely home- coming, and the subsequent arrival of Johnny 250 THE MAISON DE SHINE in a shocking condition. The pair treated each other with distant courtesy. Mrs. Trippit was pale and cold, while Johnny wore an air of pre- tended gaiety as he tried to eat. Although it had seemed, with the crowded house and the cordial welcome, that "The Art- ist's Model" was a success, the newspapers gave it scant consideration. The dancing of Johnny Trippit was commended, but the learned gentlemen who wrote of the production re- marked that one bright spot was not sufficient to carry a show. Mrs. Trippit had watched her Johnny snatch at the papers when Susy brought them, by request, to his couch, but she refrained from displaying the slightest interest in the cri- tiques. "Gee! They roast it!" he groaned. ' ' Well, it 's nothin 'tome!" she retorted. ' ' I don't care. Tell your troubles to your lady friend. ' ' The Trippits clashed again. Johnny had been pondering as to what he might safely say to es- tablish himself on a friendly footing once more. 1 1 When I seen that you 'd went home I got sore, ' ' said he, "and that's why I went to supper with the backer and that mob. Honest, dearie, it was." Mrs. Trippit laughed contemptuously. "In- deed?" she responded. "You wasn't frettin' MRS. TEIPPIT GETS BACK 251 much over me when that minx was pawin' at your arm!" He subsided. His worst surmises were cor- rect, for she had apparently seen the glorious vision which had appealed so irresistibly to him. "You're talkin' foolish!" he exclaimed boldly. Mrs. Trippit arose, walked over to where he sat, upon their hotel trunk, and slapped his face with violence. "Take that, you lyin' beast!" she shouted, and burst into tears of pique and wretchedness. If she would but let the matter rest at chastis- ing him thus, he felt he was escaping easily, and Mr. Trippit could not strike a lady had he de- sired to do so. "All right, sweetie," said he peaceably. "Just as you say." "Don't call me no pet names !" threatened his wife. ' ' Keep them for your Broadway actresses. I don't want to hear 'em!" Mrs. de Shine declined to notice Johnny at all. She eyed him coldly, treating Ms wife, meanwhile, with exaggerated politeness. Dur- ing the day the angel, the manager and the sev- enteen men whose names were upon the program as co-authors and composers of the musical comedy, foregathered and made plans toward the bolstering up of it. It was too long, and it dragged at intervals. Some bright new "business" was needed and 252 THE MAISON DE SHINE the cutting out of two songs must follow. They were sure it could be whacked into shape for a long run. There was an all-night rehearsal after the regular performance Tuesday night. Mrs. Trippit sat in a box with the slim young man, to look on, when the audience had filed out. "Are you not Mrs. Trippit?" he inquired. Then he introduced himself. He was Mr. Brooks. She was unable to place him in her mind, although Johnny had mentioned a Brooks once or twice. "What do you think of it?" he asked. "That leadin' woman ought to be canned, first of all, ' ' she said. ' ' She has no magnetism, and she can't sing." "But pretty, eh?" he put in. Mrs. Trippit giggled. It was a relief to be able to speak about the pink person. " I Ve seen burlesques that wouldn't give her a job in the back row," she said. "And look at the salary list these people have! They couldn't win out if it was a hit ! " Mr. Brooks discoursed at length upon the show business, marveling at her intimate knowl- edge of it. "It's a pity you never went on the stage yourself," he remarked. "Me?" exclaimed Mrs. Trippit. "I've been in the business seven years! Two playin' sou- brette parts in John G. Dusenberry's Palace MRS. TR1PP1T GETS BACK 253 Theater Stack in Seattle, an' five in vodeville. Didn't you ever hear of the Dancin' Trippits?" "No," answered Mr. Brooks humbly, "I nev- er did. And you dance, also?" "I'm just as good a dancer as John Trippit ever dared to be !" she said. "But, say ! where do you come in on this thing? I'm mixed about you." "I'm rather confused myself," confessed Mr. Brooks sadly, "but if you put me down as the angel I think that's my title around here." And then Mr. Brooks was certain that she must be hungry. Why couldn't they go out and get a little supper while the actors worked? Mrs. Trippit accepted, and for the first time in her existence she rode in a private automobile and supped in a smart Long Acre Square restau- rant. Fourteenth Street seemed afar back as she returned the angel's glances across the ta- ble. There was champagne and a supply of dainties which she ate with pleasure. With the third glass of wine she told him about Johnny and the pink woman. The angel laughed merrily. "Let 'em both go, little one," he said. "Why, I only put the show out to gratify her whim, and she's a sad affair. I'm going to give the lot their two weeks' notice, be- cause I'm sick of it all." Mrs. Trippit stared at him. "Honest, are 254 THE MAISON DE SHINE you I ' ' she queried. Mr. Brooks did not answer. He was intent upon something else. "I think you Ve got the sweetest eyes I ever looked into," he whispered. Mrs. Trippit blushed. She was beginning to like Broadway. The affair of Johnny Trippit and the leading woman was the gossip of the Maison de Shine. Mrs. Trippit left him and took apartments in an uptown hotel. A charming auto brougham waited for her at the ladies ' entrance each day. She seemed very busy visiting music publishers for new songs and consulting with stage man- agers and others. Mr. Brooks was present at all interviews. He bought the rights of a new comedy, "with musical interpolations," and gleefully reported his purchase to Mrs. Trip- pit. "You'll make 'em sit up. It's got just the part for you not too much for you to handle," he observed. Mrs. Trippit had finished dinner on the same evening when Mr. Trippit 's card came up. Al- though but ten days from his side, she shuddered as she gazed at his hopelessly vaudeville card, "John Trippit, champion wooden shoe buck dancer. ' ' "Tell the person," she said with dignity, "to come up. ' ' MRS. TRIPPIT GETS BACK 255 She leaned back in a luxurious chair. It was pleasanter here than in the actors' boarding- house. ''Hello, kid!" said Johnny, entering hur- riedly. His wife waved him a languid greeting. "Do sit down, ' ' she said coolly. ' * What is it 1 " "Oh, I been a darn fool!" said he bitterly. "I s'pose you know the show's closin'. So it's back to vodeville. I don't understand how you're puttin' on all this dog, but what's the use of us keepin' it up? I kin git a year's solid bookin ' fur us in vodeville. ' ' "That's nice," commented Mrs. Trippit af- fably. "But I want you in the act," he proceeded, growing more hopeful. "Why, say ! I can't get along without my little gal ! ' ' "Why don't you get the leadin' woman fer a partner?" "She can't dance!" he said. "She don't be- long beside of you ! Come on an' be friends. ' ' Mrs. Trippit got up, gracefully trailing her silken skirts. "I'm going out at the head of my own comp'ny in two weeks," she said dis- tinctly, " so I can't accept. You see, I Ve signed a contract with Mr. Brooks. Good-evenin'!" Johnny Trippit 's mouth opened in astonish- 256 THE MAISON DE SHINE merit. "So you busted us and nailed the an- gel!" he gasped. Mrs. Trippit opened the door for him. "You always were good at guessin'," she said. "That's what I did!" THE DANCING TRIPPITS AGAIN A TEAM ' ' MINERVA, where are you going f ' ' Mrs. Man- gle, mother of the Child Wonder, grasped her pride and joy by the rearmost pleat of the lat- ter 's red gown. Little Minnie Mangle reluctantly halted. "Answer me!" admonished Mrs. Mangle. "What are you hiding under your jacket, miss?" She struck a sharp blow upon the Wonder 's stomach. A hollow, tinny sound resulted, and Mrs. Mangle drew forth a bucket, while Minnie bawled lustily. "It's Mista Johnson's growler, mommer," she sobbed. "He's to gimme a nickel fer fillin' it!" Her parent hurled the pail to the floor, just as the landlady of the Maison de Shine, attract- ed by the noise, issued from her own chamber. They were in the entrance hall. "What on earth is comin' off?" demanded Mrs. de Shine. She saw the growler as she spoke. 357 258 THE MAISON DE SHINE "It's a fine thing if my infant child must be initiated into sinful practices by your disgusting boarders ! ' ' cried Mrs. Mangle. ' ' Are you aware that those ruffians on the third floor have bribed her to go to saloons for them?" "Pop's up there, too!" said Minnie muti- nously. "He said I could go, so there! Leggo my arm, mommer ! You hurt me ! " "I overlook yer harsh words, Mis' Mangle," said the landlady, "realizin' that Heaving knows yuh got provocation. Now, that carous- in 's a-goin ' to stop, an ' imme jut, too. Susy ! ' ' "Ma'am?" returned Susy, the slavey, appear- ing from the dining-room. "G'wan up to seventeen," said her mistress, "an' inform the Omaha Comedy Four that either they cut out their disgraceful actions or leave this house, an' that this ain't no kid." "I was there onct, an' they cussed at me," remarked Susy. "I'm scared to keep knockin' on the door after the awful way they yelled last time. ' ' Mrs. de Shine whistled to Fido, her beloved white poodle. She raised her skirts, displaying considerable of a pair of stout legs, covered by stockings smartly striped in black and yellow. "They'll quit when I git there," she said loudly, "or I'll have a coupla cops in here to help quell 'em. Folia me, Susy, an' bring yer THE TR1PPITS AGAIN A TEAM 259 broom! Wait! Where's the mop? I may need it." Mrs. Mangle, holding Minnie, watched the landlady as she slowly progressed up the stairs. Susy went after her, carrying a broom. It was seven o'clock, and dinner was over, for the vaudeville performers who resided in the house must reach the theaters at which they played at an early hour. All day a merry company had foregathered in room seventeen. The Mangles Four were ap- pearing at a Fourteenth Street "continuous" house. Mr. Mangle had contributed his part to the comedy act which the family presented twice a day. At nine they were again due to delight the public. Since reaching his home Mr. Mangle had remained immured in the midst of the aban- doned Omaha Comedy Four. They were ' ' rest- ing" for the week, hence they had leisure to in- dulge in vinous pleasures. Outside the door of seventeen, on the third floor, a trembling, auburn-haired damsel in a green kimono stood. It was Bertine Mulliga- tawny, of the Jolly Blonde Divorcees Burlesque Company. Her fiance, J. Mclntyre Mugg, second tenor of the quartet, was inside among the revelers. At the moment he was caroling that beautiful ballad, "Love Me and the World Is Mine." 260 THE MAISON DE SHINE "Oh, Heavings!" said Bertine, sighting the warlike countenance of the landlady, "listen to Mac! His pipes '11 be ruined singin' in all that smoke, an' he can't stand more'n two drinks without goin' bug! Oh ! what shall I do I He's got a manager to see in the mornin' too !" "Stand aside, Bertine!" ordered Mrs. de Shine. She advanced upon seventeen, dealing the door panel a blow with the mop handle. "It's the kid with the beer," said a voice. The door opened and J. Mclntyre, the singer, looked out. "Mac, come away! Don't you love me any more ? ' ' pleaded the excited burlesque lady. "Yuh let me in!" shouted Mrs. de Shine. "Whadda yuh gents think this here place is? Yuh kin carry on like this in some low honka- tonk, but not in the refined home of Maggie de Shine!" "Aw, beat it before the stairs get slippery!" replied Mr. J. Mclntyre Mugg coarsely. * * We '11 do as we like ! We paid in advance !" He slammed the door. Again his voice soared forth. Miss Mulliga- tawny leaned upon the stair-rail, weeping for- lornly. Mrs. de Shine beat upon the door. 1 1 Yuh did, eh I " she called. ' ' Mebbe yuh think THE TEIPPITS AGAIN A TEAM 261 I'll stand fur this here kind o' impidence ! Well, I won 't ! Unlock that door, yuh loafers ! ' ' Susy whispered to her chief. " That's a darned good ideer," said the land- lady. "Go find Mista Johnson. He'll make that there mob behave, an' it won't take him long to do it. Thank mercy yuh thought of it, Susy!" Mrs. Mangle* had arrived at the third floor, lured on by lively curiosity. "But he's in there, too!" she exclaimed. "Just fancy!" Suddenly the door knob rattled. A gust of cigarette smoke blew into the faces of the ladies. The Property Man, holding to the inner knob, observed them, grinning cheerfully. His face was strangely flushed. * ' Whusher wan ' ? " he asked gravely. ' * Tell my husband to come out to his wife and babes," said Mrs. Mangle, controlling her emo- tion by a noble effort. "Whud you do wish the beer!" he queried. "Whusher kid doin' with the bucket?" "Mista Johnson, are yuh a man or a mouse, that yuh kin stand there conversin' in sech a dretful fashing?" cried Mrs. de Shine. "Never did I think to see the day when yuh would face me in this condition!" "Whud you do with the suds?" repeated the 262 THE MAISON DE SHINE Property Man. Mr. Mangle's head peeped out from behind his shoulder. 1 ' William ! ' ' screamed Mrs. Mangle. ' ' I want you!" "Go out an' hand her one while you got your nerve up, Mangle!" came in chorus from the room. Mrs. Mangle, being gifted with extraordinary conversational powers, which she exercised too frequently for the general peace, was not overly popular among the male boarders. Mr. Mangle, whose mind failed to work with sufficient rapid- ity to enable him to think of stinging replies to her attacks, found solace in narrating his wrongs to his friends. Their party had been organized with a definite object. When he seemed brave enough from many po- tations, he was to descend upon his life part- ner and "get hunk," as the Property Man phrased it, for the myriad indignities he had suffered. A store of various liquors was under Mr. Mclntyre's bed. The beer was merely to add variety to the liquid menu. It had not come. Therefore they would drink whisky. Silently the Property Man shut out the an- gered females. The tumult inside began with renewed vigor. Mrs. de Shine called a council. "Rully, I'm that upset I kinnot think straight," she said. THE TRIPPITS AGAIN A TEAM 263 "Now, they ain't no man with enough sand to tackle them dawgs but Johnny Trippit, an' he's went out." ' ' But if William does not do his turn to-night we'll be canceled," said Mrs. Mangle. "Oh, what shall we do?" They sorrowfully descended to the lower hall. Little Minnie was not there, but no one noticed her absence, so engrossed were all of them in a discussion of ways and means. Craftily the Child Wonder, bearing a pail, foam-topped, crept up the stairs, having successfully skirted the backs of her mother and the landlady. Room seventeen greeted Minnie with ap- plause. Mr. Mangle had reached a point where he was easily affected. He wiped a tear from his eye as his daughter delivered the growler and collected her nickel. "Ain't she a world beater?" he queried. "Grandest kid that was ever born. She'll be headin' her own comp'ny some day, gents." "I'm the hull act now, ain't I, pop?" said little Minnie. "Mommer an' him an' Teddy couldn't git no bookin' if I wasn't in the act." At 8.10 Mrs. Mangle, having vainly endeav- ored to bring forth the recreant Mangle, went to the theater, accompanied by her offspring. In place of the "clown" turn proffered by her father Minnie gave her imitation of Richard 264 THE MAISON DE SHINE Mansfield, while Mrs. Mangle furnished three selections on the saxophone instead of the one she usually played. Baby Theodore performed his dance. "Well, we took three bows, and I fail to see that your father not being in the act lost us as much as one hand," observed Mrs. Mangle. ''He'd better have a care. We can play our dates without him." "Pop's a reg'lar stew, ain't he?" said little Minnie brightly. "I hearn one o' the Dancin' Davises say he bet pop 'd drink gas 'lene. Would he, mommer?" "Minerva, be silent," said her mother, "and in future do not converse about your father with any person. ' ' They returned to the boarding-house. The hall was full of vaudevillians. Mrs. de Shine, her hair in curl-papers, begged her paying guests to assist her in restoring order to the place. The racket on the third floor continued. It was suggested by Mabel Morphine, of the Six Musical Morphines, that a committee should be appointed to reason with the drunkards. "They're doin' buck dances an' singin', an' it's been kep' up since early afternoon," de- clared Mrs. de Shine. "I jest dunno what to do." THE TRIPP1TS AGAIN A TEAM 265 " Here's Johnny Trippit!" The buck dancer came in. He was invited to invade seventeen and to do what he might to bring the quartet and their friends to their senses. Mrs. Mangle had been growing more wrath- ful as she reflected upon her woes. She an- nounced that she would go with Mr. Trippit and drag Mr. Mangle out by the hair, if necessary. The buck dancer displayed a gratifying degree of eagerness. "Leave it to me, gals," he said. "I'm the fixin' kid. I'll bust the gang up. They're prob- ably ready to cut it out now." Hopefully they saw him go. Twenty minutes slipped away, and he did not reappear. "They're making him drink! Oh, the wretches !" said Mrs. Mangle. She bounded up the stairs, stepping on Fido in her angry haste. "You come out here before I go in after you, Bill Mangle!" she screeched. "Do you hear me?" Mr. Mangle joined her. He was disheveled and mottled of face. "Well?" he said heavily. "You wretch!" retorted his wife bitterly. "Oh, you loathsome, drunken brute!" "At it again, are you!" said he. "Go on, Bill! Be game!" came from seven- 266 THE MAISON DE SHINE teen. The encouragement was all that Mr. Man- gle needed. "G'wan to bed, before I wallop you!" he roared. "I've had enough o' bein' bullyragged by you ! ' ' 4 'Why don't you strike me, you coward?" she inquired. "Well, I guess I will," said he, and with a sure aim he slapped her cheek. Those gathered below heard the smack and Mrs. Mangle 's shriek at its reception. "Don't kill me, Willie!" "Vamoose, an' don't bother me none, or I'll hurt you some more!" menaced Mr. Mangle. "They ain't no skirt goin' to come hollerin' 'round me to-night, an' don't you furgit it. Hey!" "Yes, dear," replied Mrs. Mangle, trembling. ' * Send the kid up. She 's gotta git some beer, ' ' said he authoritatively. Little Minnie resumed her duties as courrier des bois, pouching a gratuity of silver with glee, but at the bottom of the stairs her maternal parent, bearing a serviceable slipper in one hand, awaited her, the latter having hurriedly descended before Mr. Mangle got down to a real war basis. Mrs. de Shine, Fido clasped in her arms, moaned through the halls like a mournful phan- THE TRIPPITS AGAIN A TEAM 267 torn. With Johnny Trippit among the enemy, the ladies were bereft indeed. No champion re- mained to them. "Bertine, whadda yuh think about callin' a coupla good strong bulls an' fixin' this outfit?" she inquired, coming upon a group of female boarders where they were huddled together. Miss Mulligatawny was a woman of much re- source, usually, but the rude repulse by her be- loved had saddened her greatly. "Don't you see that we can't do that?" she argued spiritlessly; ''they'll all be sober to- morrow, and if the cops come in they'll be pinched sure. Oh, it'd be a terrible scandal, and no matter with what cruelty Mclntyre has treat- ed me I cannot steel my heart against him." "The dear knows we all got sumpin' to bear, us pore wimeng," said Mrs. de Shine; "that Trippit 's a devil when he gits lit up, an' I ain't got a doubt in my mind but what he'll jest put 'em up to fresh deviltry." There was silence, for the minds of all were busily engaged in reflecting upon what the roys- terers above might do. "He'd set fire to the house in a second," said Mabel Morphine, of the Musical Morphines, "Trippit would." Something came bumping down the stairs to- ward them. It was an empty bottle, and it lit upon Mrs. de Shine's foot, causing her to send 268 THE MAISON DE SHINE forth a cry of pain. Another followed it, hurled by the unsteady hand of J. Mclntyre Mugg, who, with wild laughter, offered to lick any lady in the bunch if she would but venture into close proximity. On the fourth floor two sister teams were ma- rooned, afraid to dash past the door of seven- teen, and equally timid about staying where they were. They must be rescued. The door bell rang. "Who kin it be?" wondered the landlady. "Everybody's got keys, ain't they, Susy?" The slavey opened the door. A glorious vi- sion met the eyes of those present. A young woman, garbed in much splendor, smiled at them. She was a pretty brunette. A big dia- mond heart sparkled at her throat, and there were rings on all her fingers, which seemed to light the dimness of the hall. "Birdie Trippit, or I'm losin' my head com- plete!" exclaimed Mrs. de Shine. "How d'ye do?" greeted she of the rustling silk raiment, on which lace and velvet, and what- not, artfully mingled in its decoration. The ladies stared enviously. It was the ex-wife of the buck dancer, for the Trippits were again divorced. Birdie had gone into musical comedy, flouting vaudeville and its restricted opportunities. THE TRIPPITS AGAIN A TEAM 269 "You seem prosperous," said Mrs. Mangle. "Really, I scarcely knew you, my dear Mrs. Trippit. What a change clothes do make." "Yes; you'd oughta git some," retorted Mrs. Trippit; "but, of course, some persons look like thirty cents, an' it don't matter what you put on 'em." "I assume that your observation, madam, is directed at me," said Mrs. Mangle, her bosom heaving, * ' you you hussy ! ' ' "Let her keep it up!" cried Mrs. Trippit, waving her lily hands that the effect of their jeweled burden might not be missed. "If she makes a pass at me I'll settle her hash! How's that old souse, your husband?" "Oh, gells, cut it out !" groaned the distressed landlady. "Birdie, shame on yuh! An' as fur yuh, Louiser, it seems like we got trouble enough without yuh pickin' on Birdie when she ain't done nothin' to yuh. I'm jest sick to death over this dretful night!" "Mista Trippit 's bunned, too, ain't he, mom- merl" piped little Minnie. "All the gelmun's as full as goats, Mis' Trippit ! Ain't they, mom- mer?" "You don't say!" Mrs. Trippit forgot her little difference with her old-time enemy of the days when she dwelt in the actors' boarding- 270 TEE MAISON DE SHINE house and became at once good-natured. So did Mrs. Mangle. In fact, when the former noticed the tear- spotted cheeks of the other she went over and kissed her, with a smack which evidenced her good feeling. "I didn't mean to be ugly, Louiser," said Birdie contritely. "Has Bill been actin' up ag'in? He's pure dawg, he is, to go drinkin' when he shouldn't. I've often thanked my stars that I lose Trippit. You know that ain't my monaker any more. I'm Vivienne Vane, the girl in the diamond cloak, and I'm starrin' in my own show. We're playin' Brooklyn this week, an' I come in to say * howdy' to you folks." "Oh, bury me out on the lone prayer-ee! Where the coyotes howl and the wind blows free!" The quartet were singing again. Their ad- mirers in the gay crowd on the third floor joined in at intervals. Flora Flitter and her stage sis- ter, Rosa Flitter, rushed down from the top of the house like two frightened antelopes fleeing from the covetous eye of man. A volley of bottles and glasses followed them. "They're comin' down, and Johnny Trippit 's got a gun!" shrieked Flora. "We'd better run before he shoots!" THE TRIPPITS AGAIN A TEAM 271 Mrs. de Shine sank to her knees, mutely im- ploring aid of Heaven by her uplifted hands. Mrs. Mangle glanced around, then scurried, dragging little Minnie, into the parlor, where they hid behind the sofa. "Lesh clean up the joint!" It was the Prop- erty Man, bent on ending fittingly a delightful session. " Wheel Look out fur me, I'm a bad man!" shouted J. Mclntyre Mugg, of the Omaha Com- edy Four. Billie Bingo, who sang baritone in the quar- tet, playfully dropped a few more bottles into space. They crashed against the banisters. "Why don't you make 'em quit?" asked Birdie. Despondently the landlady arose from her supplicating attitude. She explained the cir- cumstances briefly. ' ' Bats ! ' ' said Birdie valorously. ' * Hold on a minute ! Is Trippit there ? ' ' ' ' Yes he is, ' ' replied Mabel Morphine. * ' He 's as bad as any of 'em." "Have you got a good thick club?" asked Birdie anxiously. "I've been punchin' the bag all winter, an' I'll take a chance on trimming him." "I'd just like to give George one whack," said 272 TEE MAISON DE SHINE Mabel Morphine; "he's up there, too, an* I've stood just about all I shall. He went an' blowed our entire salary last week, and I kin go without things that I need while he carouses." Shouts indicated that the gentlemen were ex- ploring the third floor, having wearied of the confines of seventeen. Another bottle rolled down. Mrs. Mangle emerged from the parlor, inquir- ing if it were safe to venture out. Birdie mo- tioned to her. In whispers they planned an as- sault. Susy was sent to search for weapons. She re- turned with a varied assortment of iron frying- pans, brooms, hammers and hatchets. "Lemme take a hatchet," ordered Birdie, "an' if Trippit gives me any sass I'll bust him once with it, now you just see if I don't." Her valiant bearing inflamed her friends with courage. Mabel Morphine took a broom and a heavy fork. Susy bore the mop. The rest armed themselves as fancy dictated. They were ready to move at the word of com- mand, and Birdie softly issued it. 1 1 Ready ! ' ' she hissed. ' ' Come on ! " She dashed upward. Scornful hoots met the invaders as they progressed toward the scene of action. Finding that the ladies were in ear- THE TRIPPITS AGAIN A TEAM 273 nest, J. Mclntyre Mugg, who was not famed for bravery, advised a retreat. When Birdie and her Amazons arrived no sound came from seventeen until one joyous person snickered. The transom was open, and Birdie recognized its source. 11 John Trippit, you get out in this hall in one minute, or I'll be in there after you!" she screamed. " Don't you laugh at me, you no- account vodeville hick ! ' ' "It's Birdie!" Johnny Trippit had spoken, and in his tone dwelt fear. The rest looked at the daring Birdie for further instructions. ' ' Do you hear me I ' ' she proceeded. In defiance of her threats the quartet began to sing "The Bird on Nellie's Hat." Mrs. Mangle possessed a smart toque which bore a green bird rakishly set athwart its front. "Bill got them to do that," she announced angrily ; ' ' that 's meant as a personal affront to me. He won 't bluff me this time. ' ' Birdie's foot, hidden in a patent-leather boot with a red suede top, kicked the lower panel of the door. "Open it!" she called. The song continued. She consulted Mrs. de Shine, who hysterically bade her do anything that seemed best. Birdie raised her hatchet and in a minute she had hacked a hole in the door. 274 THE MAISON DE SHINE "Come on, gells!" Mrs. de Shine, no longer trembling, dealt a vigorous blow with her ham- mer against the look. The door gave. "If it ain't Birdie !" said Johnny Trippit, en- deavoring to placate her with a friendly smile. "I'm awful glad to see you, dearie. How you been?" 1 ' Come out ! ' ' said his wife coldly. ' ' G 'wan to your own room and go to bed, you shameless thing! You're a pretty lot of men, ain't you? Bill Mangle, here's your wife! It's about time for you to cut this business." Miss Mulligatawny confronted her fiance with a stern face. She plucked at his sleeve. ' ' Come, ' ' she said authoritatively. " I've had enough of this stuff. You're a fine sight." "Don't start nothin' in front of this whole mob, ' ' begged J. Mclntyre. " Be a lady. ' ' "Do you mean to say I ain't?" she demanded haughtily. " No, " said he. ' ' No, baby, no ! " Miss Mulligatawny's features softened some- what at his tenderness. She led him out. Meanwhile the four Mangles for little Min- nie was still at her mother's heels were re- united. "With startling abruptness the party was broken up. The quartet, considerably sobered, ceased TEE TRIPPITS AGAIN A TEAM 275 their merry lay and looked ashamed of them- selves. "Well, yuh boys are sure a lot of idgits," said Mrs. de Shine. "I never see such a time as we Ve had. Yuh done wrong, an' summon '11 set- tle fur that door. Yuh kin decide who shall do it. This drinkin' must stop right now." The Property Man slunk out. His reputation as a decent citizen was gone. "I s'pose you're through talkin' to me now," he remarked sullenly, "an' I don't blame you, Maggie. I'm a sad affair." "Oh, every gelmun gits a bun on onct in a while, ' ' returned the landlady graciously ; * * only don't do it no more." Johnny Trippit was observing the wife who no longer named him lord and master of her fate. He noted her jewels, her clothes and her animated countenance. ' ' Gee, kid, you got 'em all beat ! " he exclaimed in honest admiration. "You look like a three- time winner!" Slowly Mrs. Trippit 's fair cheeks grew scarlet under his wistful scrutiny. He saw the flush. The assembled company of victors and van- quished watched the meeting of the Trippits. "I s'pose you wouldn't never give a pleasant look to a guy like me, now you're a star?" said he. "Well, you're right, I guess. I don't be- 276 THE MAISON DE SHINE long. I ain't in your class. But I wisht I was. ' ' Through the cigarette smoke her eyes gazed into his. "Yes, you do, too," said Birdie husk- ily. "I just come back to see you, Johnny. I got a swell dancin' part for you in the show don't you want it?" "I want you," replied Johnny Trippit. His voice steadied. "I kin work single an' get the money, as fur's that goes. Do you go with the job, Birdie?" Mrs. Trippit boldly stepped closer to him. She reached up and kissed him. "How 'bout it, kid!" he asked. "I can't stand no foolin' now. Do I get a new deal if I'm a good boy?" 4 ' You get me, ' ' said Mrs. Trippit. She began to sob into his coat, oblivious to the interested spectators. He held her tightly, stroking her hair with a gentle touch. The Trippits were a team again. THE LANDLADY'S BENEFIT "You could git it if I had it, Mis' de Shine, but I just ain't got it." Bill Banana, of the " Bounding Bananas," who perform many as- tounding feats on the slack wire, long celebrated in vaudeville, looked entreatingly at the land- lady. "I admit we been workin' for three weeks," he continued, "but what with Bessie bein' took sick, an' us havin' to lay off, you got no conception of how the salary melts away." Acrobatic rather than oral exertion was Ba- nana's familiar line of effort. He dabbed at his flushed brow with a dingy handkerchief, be- cause the speech which he had delivered was the result of prolonged reflection, and he felt a glad and perspiring relief that it was done with. "An' yet," replied Mrs. de Shine coldly, "I see yuh flashin' 'round in a swell noo gray soot, an' Mis' Banana's able to purchase clothes bet- ter 'n I kin afford." He was at the moment inside of the suit to which she referred. "Well, performers are dead ones if they can't keep a front up," said the de- 277 278 THE MAISON DE SHINE linquent boarder uneasily. "You know how it is." "An* I know it's nothin' less than a scandal an' a shame how yuh people hand me leming after leming ! ' ' cried Mrs. de Shine. * ' It seems like yuh give yer money to everybody before I git s 'much as a pleasant smile. ' ' Bill Banana again obscured his features with the handkerchief. He saw that she was about to yield. "People," she exclaimed passionately, "is havin' benefits all over the layout, an' who is worryin ' over Maggie de Shine I Nobody. I kin run fur Sweeney, Mista Banana, an' be lucky thatl'mlivin'atall!" Banana realized that it was a time for diplo- macy of the most delicate sort. "You bet yer sweet life the Boundin' Bananas '11 be there with bells on if a benefit's started fer you," he said. "An' that goes, too." "Thank yuh," she answered gloomily, "but I never got nothin' easy yet, an' don't fur a seck- ind expect it now. An' yet ev'ry ball an' benefit gave fur parties in the perfession I git boned fur a contribution. Things is simply most un- ekil, an' them with kind an' tender hearts, like myself, allus suffers." "That's right," he assented. The dinner-bell, vigorously swung by Susy, THE LANDLADY'S BENEFIT 279 the slavey, in the lower hall, made it possible for Banana to escape before the landlady could en- ter upon a further discussion of her wrongs. He rejoined Mrs. Banana and their partner, who, though not a regular Banana, except for photographic display in theater lobbies and general stage purposes, yet felt an eager inter- est in all that concerned the act. "What'd she say?" asked Bessie Banana anx- iously. She was a sturdily built young woman, with blond hair, burnt to a rich tan in front by frequent application of the curling-tongs. She was assured that Mrs. de Shine, although naturally peevish, had consented to a delay in payment of their overdue board bill. The Ba- nanas, cheered by the news, went down to din- ner. The landlady personally watched the prog- ress of this meal, supplying pickled beets to those who liked the dish, and taking an active part in the conversation. She appeared dis- traught. 1 'You ain't feelin' very chipper, hey, Mag- gie?" asked the Property Man. "If I had your money I'd be there with the grin all the time." "It would take a microscope to find a bank- roll on me, Mista Johnson," replied Mrs. de Shine. "Heaving alone knows how little I got. An' yet ef parties would settle what's owin' to me I'd have plenty." 280 THE MAISON DE SHINE The boarders were embarrassed. They ate hurriedly, because most of them were behind with their bills. The Property Man, who paid in advance every Sunday morning, laughed. "Make 'em come in, that's the ticket," said he. "You're too easy." "It kin be quicker said'n done/' observed Mrs. de Shine pensively. "I was tellin' Mista Banana to-day that haff Noo York has its bene- fits, but none comes my way. Susy, git the meat, d'yuh hear me?" "Let's get up a benefit, then," suggested the Property Man. "Why not? You got plenty good fre'n's in the bisness." "I am sure," said Mrs. Mangle, of the Man- gles Four, "we should bedelighted to volunteer for dear Mrs. de Shine." "I wanna bennyfit, mommer!" cried little Minnie Mangle. "Ef she has one I gotta* have one ! Kin I? Yes, I kin, so there, now, an' I'm a-goin' to have a bennyfit!" Baby Theodore Mangle lifted his young voice. "Teddy muth have hith, too," he reminded, "'n I wanna dimon' wing like the stage man'- ger's dot, pop!" "Shut up that noise!" ordered their father. "Don't lemme have to speak to you ag'in, either! Quit it!" THE LANDLADY'S BENEFIT 281 "Sha'n't!" retorted little Minnie, undaunted. "Sha'n't! sha'n't! sha'n't!" Baby Theodore sent forth a hissing noise, ob- viously meant for defiance. The benefit idea was received with approba- tion by all the paying guests, who deemed it a safe subject. No one expected to do more than join in the preliminary conversation which is so prominent a feature of all benefits. "Why, I jest dunno what to say," observed the landlady. "A' course, ef it's rully tuck up I should suttenly never insult my fr'en's by de- clinin' to accept sech a flatterin' testymonyal. Of my own accord, I wouldn't have brung the matta up, as I hope them what know me will be- lieve. ' ' "Listen here!" Johnny Trippit, the buck dancer, arose, waving his knife, which he used to the exclusion of all other table implements throughout a meal. "Benefits ain't the ideer. They're all right in their way, but a ball's the real cheese if you want to get the money. We kin get up a swell ball an' pull it off in Tammany Hall, an' give a show before the dancin V ' ' Sure ! ' ' agreed the Property Man. ' ' Tha t 's talkin', John. Us guys could take a bunch o' tickets at a half a buck apiece an' sell 'em all over town. I'll handle the stage, and Jimmy 282 THE MAISON DE SHINE Dorrity can get the music publishers to buy boxes." Mr. Dorrity, famed as the best pianist of 1 'Melody Lane," by which that portion of Twenty-eighth Street occupied by the music trade is known, was a newcomer, but, like the rest, he was in arrears; therefore, he feared to refuse his aid. "I don't get no time," said he, "but if some- body else will get 'em to kick in I'll play the show." "Minnie will give her imitations," said Mrs. Mangle graciously, "and of course the Omaha Comedy Quartet will assist?" Henry Boom, now singing bass in the quartet, was willing to lend his presence and that of his partners to the entertainment, but they were booked for concerts on each Sunday, when he supposed the benefit would be given. "No, indeed!" cried Mrs. de Shine. "I got few scruples, but dancin' on Sundays is sumpin* I kinnot, nay, will not stand fur! Besides which, performers has gotta be up fur ten o'clock Monday rehearsals, an' othas leavin' town. It oughta be on a week night. ' ' "Here's the gag!" exclaimed the interested Trippit. "Show begins at eleven. That gives the acts who go on late a chance to play their shows, an' they can come on later on our bill. TEE LANDLADY'S BENEFIT 283 An* we oughta have buck dancin' contests. I'll give a medal." ' 'If you do, I ain't goin' to enter unless you're barred," said Dan Dooley, of the Dancing Doo- leys. He was a rival of Johnny Trippit. A stinging memory of a contest in which the medal had been won by the latter was still green within his mind. 1 'Are you accusin' me o' wantin' to frame it so's I'd cop the prize?" shouted Trippit. "No, I ain't," replied Mr. Dooley, "but ef you're huntin' a scrap, come on out 'n the street an' your wish '11 come true. You ain't got nothin' on me ! ' * "Boys, behave!" admonished the landlady. "The dear knows yer both as elegant dancers as ever shook a laig, but argyin' o' this kind kin- not be kep' up, not ef I never got no benefit." Miss Imogen Montagu, ingenue of a Harlem company which interpolated vaudeville attrac- tions between the stirring acts of its stock pro- ductions, had cherished for many months a fond desire to advance in her profession. She felt competent to play "leads" instead of the girlish roles now allotted to her. Therefore, she an- nounced that with the assistance of her com- pany's juvenile, also ambitious, she would pre- sent a one-act drama of early Greece. "Yuh suttenly treat me grand, Imogen," re- 284 THE MAISON DE SHINE plied Mrs. de Shine gratefully. ' ' While my lang- witch kinnot express my feelin's, my heart's overflowin' with gratitude to all o' yuh, an' that's no kid." "We'll pull this thing off quick." The Prop- erty Man was too energetic to counsel delays. "You people are all playin' 'round here fer a coupla weeks, an' they ain't any use lettin' the scheme git cold." A committee on arrangements, upon which Mr. Mangle, Mr. Trippit, the Property Man and Mr. Dorrity were prominent, was formed. There was also an entertainment committee and a floor committee. Many gentlemen employed at the same theater as the Property Man patronized the Maison de Shine for their daily luncheon. Urged by him, they bought tickets, and advertised the Maggie de Shine ball as if promoting an affair arranged for the personal gain of each. Performers who had ascended to the greater elegance of Broadway hotels, having risen in the profes- sion, proved that they still remembered their Irving Place days by purchasing tickets. A neat program was blocked out by Mrs. Man- gle, who possessed much taste in such matters. It was only when one of the various committees discovered that little Minnie Mangle's name was inserted at least twice on every page, to the TEE LANDLADY'S BENEFIT 285 exclusion of other stars, that they insisted upon changes. The music publishers were invited to adver- tise in the program, and the enterprising com- mittee attending to this part of the business explained that as a medium for bringing their songs to the notice of the theatrical profession it couldn't be beaten. If they took a $10 advertisement they got a $3 box free. The orchestra engaged for the dan- cing demanded real money for their work, al- though Johnny Trippit boldly endeavored to make them volunteer. As they refused, he pared the number of musicians until there were but seven left, thus avoiding a large expense. The medal was bought, and ready for be- stowal. It was even hinted by Mr. Dooley, in whose system suspicion continually lurked, that its recipient had already been decided upon by the donor and those who were to judge the mer- its of the buck dancers. But he did not with- draw his name from the contest. Trippit, hear- ing of Mr. Dooley 's comments, smiled coldly, and said that he was above noticing them. "Wednesday was the night of the ball. At din- ner the boarders cackled merrily. Mrs. de Shine anxiously besought Susy to listen for the door- bell. Her beauteous blonde "front," sent to a 286 THE MA1SON DE SHINE hairdresser for renovation, and much waving, was late. "Oh, thank mercy!" she cried when Susy tri- umphantly appeared with the artificial hair. "Now I kin breathe in peace." Little Minnie Mangle wore a new frock of red, with red silk stockings and delightful car- mine shoes to match. Her maternal parent was regal in light blue, somewhat soiled by constant wear on the road, but still a garment of class. In Mrs. Mangle's yellow locks, curled crisply and fuzzily, a diamond snake gleamed. Mr. Mangle had on his Tuxedo, which was somewhat too snug of fit, but the smartest a Fourteenth Street tailor could produce. Baby Theodore proudly pranced before the company clad in a new suit of blue velvet. His fat legs were hidden, to a point below the knee, by pale blue socks. Above it they disappeared in trousers so tiny as to be almost invisible. A "roundabout" jacket, wide bow tie, white- topped, buttoned shoes, and a leather sailor hat, completed his costume. "Blamed ef you ain't a three-time winner, kiddo ! ' ' applauded the Property Man. ' * Ef they made them things fur big guys, I'd git one me- self." The Property Man had deliberated cautiously before attiring himself. As one of the promot- THE LANDLADY'S BENEFIT 287 ers, he desired to conform to the proprieties in every way. Therefore, he encased his husky length in the light trousers and black frock coat which he used for weddings and funerals of friends in vaudeville, adding a pale lavender bow tie. Susy, the slavey, wore a cerise waist above a natty green skirt. The first displayed a re- luctance to remain closely attached to the skirt, and a near-gold belt failed to quite bridge the gulf. Susy held an invitation to a seat in the box reserved for the beneficiary. Her impor- tance excited her so that she forgot the standing rule about only one portion of pudding or pie to each guest, and fetched generous reinforce- ments. Mrs. de Shine did not rebuke her minion. "I ain't been so darned worked up since I made my stage dabut in 'Frisco," she confided to the boarders. "I pursoom a time sech as this conies in the lives of all, but I rully dunno ef I'm afoot or hossback." All was well except for one small rift within the lute. Fido, the poodle, must not be left at home alone and uncared for. All the committees united in requesting that he be kept from the ball. "He'll bite some party sure as shootin'," argued Johnny Trippit, magnificent in full eve- ning regalia, "an' we don't want no rough 288 THE MAISON DE SHINE houses like would come off then. It's gotta be refined, so Fido better stick to home." "I'm scared the dolling will grieve himself sick," said the landlady. "He ain't usta bein' alone, an' yuh never see a enfant more sensitive than him. Mebbe we kin hush him to sleep be- fore leavin', seem' as yuh folks '11 all be gone long before me an' Susy starts." The unusually gorgeous raiment of the board- ers caused them to unconsciously assume an air of hauteur. They addressed one another with careful courtesy, which differed from their ha- bitual informality. The Property Man and Johnny Trippit whispered together about cer- tain small details which must be attended to. "I want a hull lot o' them programs fur sou- venirs," declared Mrs. de Shine, "fur it's the proudest evenin' o' my career, an' I take no shame in comin' out an' admittin' it." The boarders departed for the theaters where they were playing. "I'm goin' to clean my dimings, an' yuh put a fresh blue ribbing on Fido, an' his blanket," directed Mrs. de Shine. "But the committees said " "Susy," said her employer austerely, "kin'ly keep yer place. Not fur gold an' precious jools would I leave my baby dawg Fido at home. THE LANDLADY'S BENEFIT 289 He'll go under my fur cape, an' not disturb no- body." Susy retired to assist the cook. From secret recesses Mrs. de Shine drew forth little chamois bags. Diamond horseshoes and crescents, sun- bursts and rings glistened upon the bared din- ing-table when she had emptied the proceeds of many profitable years in the Maison de Shine into a heap. With a soft brush and some alcohol she pol- ished the jewels until they sparkled brilliantly under the flaring gaslight. "I guess they won't have nothin' on me to- night," she ruminated. A yellow silk gown, marvelously decollete, confined those curves which in adolescent days had charmed burlesque audiences from Cape Cod to Seal Rock. "You cert'nly do look grand, Mis' de Shine," commented Susy when she viewed the mineral splendor of her mistress, "but when benefits is give, ain't the folks who it's give fur s 'posed to be broke?" "Oh, them ideers are passy, Susy," replied the landlady easily. "As fur as that goes, the ones what need 'em don't git 'em, anyway. It's merely a delikit fashing o' yer fr'en's showin* yuh what they think o ' yuh. ' ' 290 THE MAISON DE SHINE "I heard all the burlesque man'gers in town are goin'," reported Susy, awed by the thought. "An' several more from the legit, too," said Mrs. de Shine complacently. " They '11 be a hull mob down from Broadway." At eleven the first ticket was handed to the doorkeeper at the hall in which the ball was to be given. Mrs. de Shine, with Susy and Miss Daisy Dubb, who was "resting," having failed to book the week, entered half an hour later. They were escorted to the box reserved for the former. The Mangles Four arrived early. "You folks better open the show," said the Property Man, " so we kin git things warmed up before the con- tests." Mrs. Mangle sneered. "And do you for a sin- gle instant imagine that artists of our repute will do such a thing?" she exclaimed. "No, in- deed ! The Mangles must top the bill, Mr. John- son. We have nothing further to say. ' ' "Aw, let's go on now," pleaded Mr. Mangle, who, having surrounded many liquid potations, was willing to waive his rights. "What's the odds?" "Sure! Somebody's gotta begin," said the Property Man persuasively. "Never!" cried Mrs. Mangle firmly. "As long as I live and breathe, my Minnie shall never THE LANDLADY'S BENEFIT 291 be placed in the odious position of having opened a show. Let the acrobats begin.'* Twister and Bender, whose act is celebrated upon many stages, offered to sacrifice them- selves. They were jovial young men, and when the audience of professional persons audibly and humorously remarked upon their tumbling they replied with loud jibes and bumped each other with increased vim. Miss Montagu and her partner, J. Mercutio Stratford, were requested to follow Twister and Bender. "What!" shouted Mr. Stratford, "come after an acrobatic team? In the name of Miss Montagu and myself, I reiterate that either our place upon the bill shall be commen- surate with the dignity of our offering, or we beg leave to retire." "Now don't you legits come bellerin' to me," said the Property Man authoritatively. "I'm runnin' this stage, an' I don't want no back talk." "This is an outrage!" declared Miss Mon- tagu. ' ' I would not play now, if they paid me ! " Johnny Trippit tried to effect a reconciliation between the property man and the exponents of the Grecian drama, and partially succeeded. "I will go on," said the lady, "if I am treat- ed respectfully. Where do I dress?" The caucus had taken place in the rear of the 292 THE MAISON DE SHINE yery small platform. There were no dressing- rooms. The other perf onners, aware of the fact, had worn elaborate "street" clothes, in which they * ' appeared. ' ' Miss Montagu haughtily de- sired to know how she was to perform as a maid of early Thessaly in a shirtwaist gown of green. As for J. Mercutio, he sarcastically referred to the whole proceeding as a ' ' snide aff air. ' ' Meanwhile, the Bounding Bananas leaped into the gap and spiritedly rendered their act. The applause was so great that when she heard it Miss Montagu regretted her latest decision not to perform at all. Several ladies promised to shield her with their fair forms from the pub- lic eye, so she hurriedly assumed her Grecian costume, while J. Mercutio, who had possessed the forethought to wear his fleshings under his ordinary clothes, found a cubbyhole in which he belted himself into his chaste white-skirted tunic. Mrs. de Shine, leaning over the box-rail, waved her fan at the assemblage generally. Old boarders jested with her, and the burlesque managers, present in force, left their boxes to shake her hand. The Mangles, watching their props anxiously, awaited their turn. Mrs. Mangle's objection had prevailed. They were to be number three. Little Minnie Mangle THE LANDLADY'S BENEFIT 293 was in the midst of her notable imitation of Bichard Mansfield as Peer Gynt, when a rau- cous voice sounded high above the shrill tones of the Child Wonder. * ' Take her off ! She shall not speak another line!" Mrs. Mangle, her saxophone billed as the 11 World's Largest Double-bass Saxophone" in one hand, screamed. The audience climbed upon the seats and gazed at the Gerry Society's man with its collective mouth agape. 11 She's over sixteen, you mutt!" roared the Property Man. "My Minnie has played since her baby days without let or hindrance!" shrieked Mrs. Man- gle. The performance ceased while the difficulty was adjusted. The crafty Gerry man had bought a ticket, purposing the vaudeville undoing of the mainstay of the Mangles. "How old is she, then ? " he asked truculently. ' ' Show me ! " "Brute!" cried Bessie Banana. "His map oughta be slapped good, the meddlin' lobster!" For a long time Mrs. Mangle had averred that the tender Minnie was of the juvenile age of seven. From her stocking the overwrought mother pulled certain documentary evidence, which she permitted the Gerry man to peruse. 294 THE MAISON DE SHINE ".Well, that's satisfactory," said he, mollified. " She can pi ay." Did this mean that Minnie was "over six- teen?" The claim had been made in the past by her rivals of riper years. "We just had that paper framed up about her age, see, to stall 'em off, in case of a thing like this ever happenin'," ex- plained Mr. Mangle. But vaudeville would always doubt. Entries to the buck dancing contest were pleasingly numerous. There was a medal for ladies, donated by a music publisher, and the Trippit trophy for the gentlemen. The judges were, at the last minute, selected from among celebrated vaudevillians in the audience, who filed upon the stage. The pianist, Mr. Dorrity, dashed into "Tur- key in the Straw." Mr. Dooley was first. "Good boy, Dooley!" yelled his supporters. The partisans of other dancers hissed him. "Harry McGinty an' Okey Slavin's got him skinned!" bellowed an enthusiastic spectator. "Charlie Cobb's the boy kin put 'em all to sleep!" Friends of Mr. Cobb who were pres- ent cheered madly at the mention of his name. "Oh, you, Dooley!" Mr. Dooley, thus encour- aged, danced on. "Hear how plain his taps are," said the judges to unclassified judges who crowded near, kindly offering suggestions. Mr. Dooley ceased, and, gracefully bowing, retired to one side, whence he glowered suspi- ciously at other contestants. Mrs. de Shine sat in her box until the people climbed upon their chairs. Then she grew im- patient to be down among the happy souls, who, too eager to sit, had arisen that they might miss no part of the dancing. "I'm goin' on the floor," she said. "Heav- ings ! We're so fur off here that we can't hear nothin'. Yuh kin remain ef yuh wish, Daisy an' Susy, but I sha'n't." She took her fur cape over her right arm. Something warm and heavy nestled snugly in- side the cape. It was Fido, drowsing content- edly. Mrs. de Shine pushed through the crowd to a spot near the stage, where she paused. She laid Fido upon a vacant chair and forgot him. The ladies' contest was on. A chubby-legged young woman got most of the applause. Pansy De Vere, the singing and dancing soubrette, stepped to the center as the chubby one gave way to her. The pianist roused himself to greater effort as Pansy's feet flew swiftly through the intricacies of her "original buck." She was in the last wild moment of terpsicho- rean abandon, when a little more steam can al- 296 THE MAISON DE SHINE ways be expected, because the end, and rest, are near. A white poodle darted across the stage, barking angrily. He snarled as he reached the lovely, panting Pansy, and, poising his body for a jump, hurled his pink-bellied self at Pan- sy's left leg. "Ouch! Help!" Pansy's free foot smacked Fido upon his nose. "Take him away! I'll git the hydrophoby ! ' ' The Property Man rescued the useful leg, which was responsible for half of Pansy's week- ly salary. Fido was yanked in among the judges, and every member of their party re- lieved himself by kicking the poodle. "My baby dawgie! Don't yuh tech him!" wailed Mrs. de Shine. In two minutes she was upon the stage seeking her treasured pet. ' ' Call yerselves men, an' mistreat a little poodle dawg?" she called scornfully. "Gimme my Fido!" "Here, now, Maggie, cut it out!" advised the Property Man. Pansy's friends rallied about to her aid. "She was distinctly forbidden to bring that beast here," said one of the commit- tee, "and yet here he is trying to murder peo- ple." "An' me performin' at her old benefit!" yelled Pansy tearfully. "An' then the best I draw is to be bit up and put on the cheeserine THE LANDLADY'S BENEFIT 297 until I prob'ly won't be able to work fur a year ! But I'll sue somebody fur it!" Pansy's grief was finally assuaged. She re- ceived the ladies ' medal, whereupon the chubby- legged lady dared her to another combat, either with hands or feet, recklessly proclaiming her belief in her own prowess. "I was done out of it by favoritism," she remarked, "but if ever she wears it, an* I'm around, I'll tear it off her !" Fido, under convoy of Susy, was spirited from the scene. Mrs. de Shine made suitable amends to Pansy by a whispered proffer of the bridal suite at any time for the price of a hall bed- room. "An' ef a huming bein' kin do more to show how they feel, name it," she added. "I kinnot say how dretf ul this has been to me. ' ' The lacerated leg was bandaged, and Pansy limped to a seat in the De Shine box. The ball began, but not until the presentation to Mr. Dooley of the glorious Trippit trophy had caused the winner to seek out the donor and tender the handshake of complete confidence and admiration. "You're a square guy, Trippit, "he said, much affected, "an' I done you wrong. Gimme your mitt an' let's be fr'en's." Johnny Trippit complied. The ball lasted un- til an hour so late that breakfast was on the 29S THE MAISON DE SHINE table in the Maison de Shine when the regular boarders returned to their abode. It had been a wondrous gathering. A week afterward, the committees, having set- tled outstanding accounts and arranged the bus- iness details of the De Shine benefit, gazed at thirty dollars, in bills, which the property man held. ' * We took in seven hundred, ' ' said John- ny Trippit. " Where 'd it go to? There's only thirty left." The committees did not know. "Well, that's better 'n some benefits," remarked Mr. Mangle. 1 ' She's in luck. Why, at lots of 'em the folks that have 'em owe themselves money afterward, an' she had a good time, an' wins thirty." Mrs. de Shine received the gift of currency in chill silence. "Done the best we could," said the Property Man, sighing. The landlady sighed with him. "I guess I'll stick to keepin' boarders," said she ; * * they 's more in it. ' ' THE END B. W. DODGE <$ COMPANY "Touches a New Corner of the World''' THE MAROONERS A ROMANCE BY CHARLES FREDERICK HOLDER "The Marooners" is set in a hitherto unex- ploited corner of the world, the lonely, surf-swept, sun-flooded coral keys of the Florida "East Coast." The author is well known as a writer of sea stories, his "Life in the Open'* and books on deep-sea fishing having been widely popular. But this thrilling adventure tale of wreckers and Key West society, of international yachting and real twentieth-century pirates, is far and away his best book. 12mo. Cloth . . $1.50 B. W. DODGE $ COMPANY, BRIDGET BY MRS. HERMAN BOSCH Drawings by Amy E. Hogeboom In this rosy-cheeked, warm-hearted, impulsive Irish im- migrant girl Mrs. Bosch has created one of the most genu- ine and attractive characters in recent fiction. 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DODGE $ COMPANY THE SEA ROVERS BY RUFUS ROCKWELL WILSON Author of "4 Noble Company of Adventurers" With 8 half-tone drawings by May Fratz Some grown-ups will find this book as interesting as will the youngsters, for landlubbers as a whole know little of the various seafaring professions. Here we learn all about the lives of those who wrest pleasure or profit from old ocean. The Deep Sea Diver An Ocean Flyer's Crew The Man-of-Warsman Soldiers Who Serve Afloat The Police of the Coast The Ocean Pilot Gloucester Fisher Folk The Lighthouse Keeper Life-Saving Along Shore Whalers of the Arctic Sea Their everyday life is stirring enough, and the author inserts true anecdotes of their heroism and adventures which are more exciting than any fiction. 12mo. Cloth $1.00 B. W. DODGE $ COMPANY WOLF: THE MEMOIRS OF A CAVE-DWELLER BY P. B. McCORD A vivid picture of primeval humanity translated from an imaginary record discovered in the Central West. 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DODGE $ COMPANY A NOBLE COMPANY OF ADVENTURERS BY RUFUS ROCKWELL WILSON Author of "The Sea Hovers" Illustrated by May Fratz True stories of real adventurers who exist to-day, hero tales of modern life that will fascinate and inspire every healthy boy. The author tells about: The Canadian Mounted Police The Mining of Coal The Cowboys of the Plains Building a Railroad Work of the Texas Rangers Life in a Logging Camp The Men Who Hunt for Oil Tales of the Fire Fighters The tales are full of interest and at the same tune in- structive. 12mo. Cloth $1.00 University of California SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY 305 De Neve Drive - Parking Lot 17 Box 951388 LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 90095-1388 Return this material to the library from which it was borrowed. UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY A 000136481 9