■ ■A ::.■/■■ . :■'■■ \ •" P"^, i*iii^'«;si^. .. JT/J " """'*iSi "■^•i»S* A Pastoral Cordial, or An Anodyne Sermon. John Hall Stevenson S&M" «^5^^'*'"^?5S^ m'-:t ^,— "HV 'MT"f^^^^- •-%^ft m :^ „:-■:<.- ^^ »&:. ■.*. Ks M ^mmW0m^^^^^ ';*v:r^;M^^':'^'x^^^^^^^ PASTORAL CORDIAL, OR, AN Anodyne Sermon, ^c. [ Price One Shilling and Six-pence; ] • ,. ■-: v^. , ^t>-jetx,/!t 5 And tho' firft prafiis'd on the Fair, y Succeeds as well upon the Males. A 2 By 00 445295 [ 4 ] By Means of this fubllme Invention, Many an Orator and Clerk, Eluding the mofl: ftridl Attention, Has wooed and won you in the dark. The Head and Heart are often ta'en. Like other FortrejGTes by Storm, Some cannot ftand a Coup de Main^ That would hold out a Siege in Form. Infpired Cromwell and Sir Harry .^ Like Eagles mounting in their Flight, Would never ftoop to ftrike their Quarry, 'Till both were loft and out of Sight : Defpifing Rules above ail Plan, Born on the Wings of Prayer and Praife, Burfting into the Inward Man, They fet the Spirit in a Blaze ; Which by the Outward Man's Afliftance, Serv'd for a Beacon to the Godly, And kept the Devil at a diftance. He look'd fo fierCe, and talk'd fo oddly. I hate Is] I hate to wander very wide ; A fkilful Orator proceeds, Like modeft Folks that ftep afide Only when forc'd to do their Needs. So Senators by ancient Ufe, When they no longer can contain, Juft flep afide to fpirt Abufe, And to their Text return again. The Battle is not to the Strong, 'Tis moflly by the Weaker won, But moftly is not all along, Nor quite fo certain as a Gun. Now tho' you're worfted in the Battle, There flill arifes a Difpute, Which may be difficult to fettle. Who is the weaker. You or Bute f Taking it either Way for granted. Seeing you're out, and he is in. There's ftill a Point to be defcanted ; Whether it fignilies a Pin : Then [ 6 ] Then for your Graces and each Whig, Another Point requires fome Thought, Whether You Both are worth a Fig, Or all your Party worth a Groat. Thefe Points difcufs'd, and fairly tried, The reft in Order will fucceed, Drawn out, difplay'd and ramify'd Like Pedigrees, or like a Creed. Firft then, I'll fhew that you are weaker, So weak and waihy, that you may be, By any weak and wailiy Speaker, Prov'd to be weaker than a Baby. Weaknefs is of a two-fold Kind, And is of different Degrees, Either of Body or of Mind, Explain'd by Ads that flow from thefe, That from the Mind and Body flow Like Torrents, oft with Oftentation, But thofe that know them alfo know. How foon they're dry ev'n to Privation. How [ 7 ] How foon the Bully's Race is run ! How foon his [mpotence defcry'd ! How foon the fimple Maid's undone. That trufts her Virtue to her Pride ! How foon that Eloquence fo rapid, Whipt to Verboiity and Froth, Sublides, and grows taflelefs and vapid, And innocent as Chicken Broth ! Like a young Puppy forc'd to clamber, Slipping and ftruggling up a Stile, I once got to a Levee Chamber, And was embarrafs'd for a while ; The Dog finds Footing at the Top, He wags his Tail, and cocks his Eye, Before he leaps, he makes a Stop, And makes Remarks, and fo did I, I fliou'd have wept, but by good Luck, Inftead of being melancholy, I Jaugh'd to fee fo many flruck With Imbecility and Folly : To r 8 ] To fee fo many as one finds ; So many, with the greateft Names, Entangled in the weakeft Minds, And the moft defpicable Frames. I pitch'd on one, whom I affirm To be a perfed Scale or Model, To try a Body that's infirm. Or mark the Weaknefs of a Noddle. I faw the Phantom enter in, He look'd, as if he came to fright us ; Dancing with a palfied Grin, The Dance according to Saint Vitus. A Ring was form'd ; with Starts and Catches, He fcuttled round and round within it, Juft like the Pointers of fome Watches, That point the Seconds of a Minute. His Eyes were void of Speculation, His Nerves, entirely void of Feeling, His Tongue was made for Hefitation, His Legs were only made for Reeling. How t 9 3 How ilioiild an Olive Chaplet twine Round fo ridiculous a Wig ? How fliould fuch Shoulders, fuch a Chine, Produce one fingle Olive Twig ? Do but apply, 'twill fave much Trouble, This Model, for your own Diverfion, If Butes not ftronger more than double, Mine was an impudent Affertion. 'Tho' One of You in his firft Stage Made an Athletick mobbifb Figure, When did he fhew, at any Age, Any other Kind of Vigour ? Your Rival's Vigour and Addrefs, At fuch an Age, fuch Strength and Fire ; Such a Continuance of Succefs, Many Folks envy ; I admire. Not to infift upon this longer. For it can only teaze and vex ; He is allow'd to be the ftronger. By the beft Judges ni each Sex. B I fee [ '° 1 I fee you'll wave this Point at length. Perhaps fuch Glory you defpife, Perhaps you place you greateft Strength Upon the Strength of your Allies. Ye Sons of Vice and vain Defigns, What Heat, what Force can you impart^ Tied by the Bonds of Dice and Quinze, And the loofe Follies of the Heart ? A Union derived from Pelf, Where each contributes his whole Labour, Each only working for himfelf, Leaves his Engagements to his Neighbour, Like thofe Machines, abfurd and puzzling. Where no one Spring controuls the reft, All independent and all buftling, As if they acted for the beft. Like an Alliance with the 'Tartars^ They hurt your Friends more than your Foes, To keep them out of one's own Quarters, Is all the Good one can propofe. Sucli E " ] Such Troops muft fly from You and Ruin, Driven by an inftindive Force, Like wild Gce(k when a Storm is brewing, Flying o'er Newmarket Courfe, Your happy Rival's Powers behold. United like the Theban Band, By Love, but not the Love of Gold, Nor any Love I underfland. The Men of Cocoa take the Lead, Not for their Enmity to P//, Nor for the Love they bear the Iweedj Nor for their Valour, nor their Wit ; Nor for their Loyalty, in brief, Which they have very lately flipt on ; But for their Faith, and firm Belief In Second Sight*, and Mother Shipion, * Some Refiners pretend, that by Second Sight is meant that Perti- nacity, with which the Cocobites, liis.e the Jews, are confrantly looking for a Second Redeemer ox Mcjfiah ; and that their Faith in Mother Sbipion means their zealous Attachment to the Church, that is, to the old, in- fallible Church, whofe Infallibility is founded upon Anility ; a Term ufed by Schoolmen for the moft perfect Kind of Tradition ; for Tra- dition derived from themofl remote Age, which is Dotage. B 2 Inflani'd Inflam'd with Wine they fcour the Fields, Than any Bacchanalians madder, With quaint Devices on their Shields, yacob\ Staff, and JacoF^ Ladder, Obedient, inur'd to Toils, Their Northern Brethren next appear, Big with the Profpedl of your Spoils, His exii'd Forces clofe the Rear. Pride is hateful in Heaven's Sight, But Vanity it muft forgive; Without it, none would ever write. And many would not bear to live. Vanity foon begins to droop, Snubb'd by the flighteft Oppofition, But ftubborn Pride will neither ftoop To Heaven, nor the Inquifition. If any Pride be lurking here. Of which I harbour no Belief, Whether a Commoner or Peer, I give him up to endlefs Grief- Such [ '3 ] Such Imputation on your Graces Admits no Shadow of Pretence; You both have aded in all Cafes, Diverted of that iinful Senfe. To fuch as you I mean to fpeak, My Preaching ha;s no other Scope, To the Poor-fpirited and Meek, They fhall find Comfort and fure Hope. Left Vanity upon the Road Should draw you in to a Relapfe, I muft ftill urge you with my Goad, And give you mortifying Raps. Of mental Powers next I treat. The Vulgar claim fo great a Share, They're of lefs Value with the Great, The' not lefs worthy of their Care : For by the Help of the beft Stuff;^^ The Vulgar, now and then, no doubt. Contrive to do Things well enough, Almoft as well as you without. Some' [ i4 ] Some Powers are adlive, fiery, boldj Some to Neutrality inclin'd ; Others are timorous and cold, Totally paffive and refign'd. The Firft is like a Zealot preaching ; The Neutral like a rofy Deanj The Paffive like a Curate teaching. Hungry and weary, poor and lean : Or like a Cuckold doom'd by Fate To rife when his Lieutenant knocks, And give up both his Bed and Mate As if he kept a Play-houfe Box : Or like fome Governments we know. The Firft, a Monarch to a Tittle ; The Neutral ferves to make a Shew ; The Paffive ferves for very little. Laftly, the Firft in many Scnfes Is like his Lordfhip with his Hounds, Breaking down every body's Fences, Riding in every body's Grounds; All [ '5 ] All things obey his Lordfliip's Beck, All yield to his fuperior Skill, His poor Toad-eater breaks his Neck, Compell'd to leap againft his Will. As for thefe Three which we have reckon'd. Your Graces evermore poflefs'd Lefs of the Firft than of the Second, More of the Tliird than all the reft. The adlive Principle within Produces fometimes on the Brain^. A Rage and Violence like Gin, Sometimes a Spirit, like Champaigne,. O Hollis once, but feldom fince, You felt that Flame when You withftoodj, And fent a Challenge to a Prince, To fight for an old Lady's Hood *;. Spite of that Prince's Oppofition, The Hood was won, in Triumph led. And from that Time your chief Ambition Has been to wear it on your Head. * Chancellor fliip oi Cambridge which he carried againft the late P. o(fF. [ i6 ] In fhort, this mental Power of late You've by Degrees fo melted down, It only ferv'd like your Gold Plate, To do the Honours of the Crown. The Powers in which you are mod able, In which you both have always fhone, Have fmall Weight at a Council Table, Or any Tables but your own. One may be forc'd to ufe their Aid,' But thefe indeed, are Times of Need, Juft as one's forc'd to ride a Jade, Tho' flie has neither Wind nor Speed; If you bait oft, if you rife foon. If when fhe's ftaling you'll attend, And nap not in the Afternoon, She'll bring you to your Journey's End. Your Graces fhould have been inclin'd To move like Planets in your Places, To plodding, One have been confin'd ; One to the Circle of Grimaces. I mean [ n } I mean oblig'd only to plod, To plod and not to underftand -, No more oblig'd than a white Rod Is bound to be a Conjuror's Wand. A thing defign'd to catch the Eye,- That knows no other End or Trick, All that is fignify'd thereby, Is nothing more than a white Stick, 'Tis born by Chamberlains and Shrieves, But why, I can no more explain, Than why a Bifhop wears Lawn Sleeves, Or why a Page mufl bear his Train -, Or why Archbifhops fhould not rather Give up to God with one Accord, The Tide of Moft Reverend Father*, And be content with that of Lord. * The Title of Mod Reverend Father is impious. Surely God the Father is the Father the moll worthy of Reverence. As to the Title of a Spiritual Lord, I fee no Inconvenience in their affuming it; at leaf!:, like your Grace or your Worfhipj it implies no Impiety ; it only implies Nonfenfe. Where is the Senfe of a Spiritual Lord or a Heavenly Lord? All the Lords that we know are either Brifijh Lords or Irijh Lordb : carnal, Subilantial, and Terra Firma Lords. C Why [ »8 ] Why Kings, that are fuch precious Things, Are made like us of Flefli and Bones, Inflead of making them like Rings, Nothing but Gold and precious Stones. Or why it is efteem'd fo hard, To fall into fome Lady's Clutches, That a red Ribbon's the Reward For venturing to wed a Duchefs. Your Rival's Parts I will not mention. And yet to give him but his Due, There's no Occafion for Invention To prove that He has more than You. Great Parts are oft expos'd to Laughter, To Wickednefs are ott ally'd, Thofe are bcft off here and hereafter. That have no more than they can guide. You are the foremofl: of the latter, Grant him the firft, no more contend. And I forefee ; I do not flatter, You'll make a fweeter latter End. Your [ '9 ] Your Rival having made his Pufli, And kick'd you out without Remoifcj Whether it fignifies a Rufh, Is the next Part of my Difcourfe. If you are treated ill and put on, *Tis natural to make a Fufs; To fee it and not care a Button, Is juft as natural for us. Perhaps from Men of greater Fafhion, Greater Profeflions you may draw, You may extrad all their Compaffion, The Extract is not worth a Straw. Like People viewing at a Diftance Two Perfons thrown out of a Cafement, All we can do for your AfTiftance, Is to afford you our Amazement. We fee Men thrown from a high Story, And never think the Sight's fo odd. Whether the Patient's Whig or Tory, ' But take things as it pleafes God. C 2 Foi '[ 20 ] For an impartial Looker on, In fuch Difafters never chufes, 'Tis neither Tojft^ nor Will^ nor John^ 'Tis the Phenomenon amufes. In Holla7id thusj Peter the Great, Wanting to fee a live DifTedion, Bid them take any of his Suite, To be cut up for his Infpedlion. He cared not where the Choice might fall, Of Perfons he was no Refpedter, He would have parted with them all, For fuch an edifying Ledture. In Charadlers like his compleat, No partial Preferences ftrike. Like him great Monarchs ought to treat Their loving Subjeds all alike. Whilfl: fuch an Enmity endures. Bones muft be broken, Heads muft ake, We had as lief they fhould be Yours, As any others for your Sake. Sermons [ ^' ] Sermons efpecially of late, Like moft Narcotich are too heady, They fink you with a deadly Weight, Unlefs you have fharp Acids ready. If this fhould be too fharp and biting, I do proteft 'tis my Miftakc, I have no Thoughts at all of fpiteing, I only want to keep you awake. I mud entreat you not to doze. Keep a good watch over your Heads, At Night you'll find that your Repofe Will be more pleafant in your Beds. I find your Graces hope for Favour, And dream of popular Applaufe, , For a moft regular Behaviour, A ftrid Conformity to Laws. And you infinuate, your Rival Has Tenets hurtful to the State, That all his Aim is the Revival Of every Tenet that we hate. But [ " ] But if his Intereft's the fame, As it's the fame with yours in fad, When he's purfuing the fame Game, You need not tell us how he'll ad. Like You entrufled with his Purfe Why fhould he, when lie knows his Trim, Exchange his Mafter for a worfe ? I only mean a worfe for him. Like you he may grow fo refin'd, When all his Intelledls are purg'd, To think that Princes were defign'd, Not for a Scourge, but to be fcourg'd, If he has been a Friend to Learning, And early pHghted her his Troth, Like You he may grow more difcerning, Like You he may become a Goth. Pray where's the mighty Obligation, For leaving Matters as you found them ? Is it becaufe of the Temptation, When they're well fettled to confound them ? You [ ^3 ] You are no Jacobite I ween, You have defpis'd them from a Boy, Juft as a Chinefe Mandarine, Defpifcs a poor Talapoi *. Your Lives, your Wealth, for which I'm troubled, In the Court's Service have been fpent; The more Fools you, both to be bubbled. And damn'd, unlefs you well repent. What's that to Us ? muft We the Rabble All fall together by the Ears For an uninterefting Squabble, Amongft you interefted Peers? Why fhould we run and heat our Blood, And be ftirr'd up to an Alarm, For Men that cannot do us Good And dare not do us any Harm ? You've heard the Words of an old Song, A wifer than the Song of Songs, That certain Folks can do no Wrong, Others muft anfwer for their Wrongs : * The Talapois are a Se<5t oi Indian Philofophers, whofe Syftem of Happinefs runs upon four Wheels ; Idlenefs, Ignorance, Obftinacy, and Beggary. [ *4 J Were I to anfwer for another. Both drunk and fober, fad and gay, Even if 'twas for my own Brother^ I'd think on't often in a Day. ^ If this has fometimes made you pale, And made the Sweat run down your Phiz,. Why fhould we think that it can fail To have the fame Effe6l on His ? Your Graces are deceiv'd no lefs,. In our Opinion, of the Skill Requir'd for Charges, which we guefs Any One of us could fill. Tho' feme may rate your Science high, 'Tis all Pretenfion and Parade, To a judicious Stander by, Your Science muft appear a Trade. But not to enter into Meafures, When was fuch Madnefs ever known. To truft One with the Nation's Treafures, That can't be trufted with his own ? Muft [ ^5 ] Muft it not always be in Straits, For ever growing worfe and worfe, For ever pledg'd like your Eftates, Like them, for ever fent to nurfe ? From fuch Opinions you'll conclude. That far from wond'ring at your Parts, We all conceive ourfelves endued, With as much Skill, and as good Hearts. My Thoughts of Government, tho' vain, • Are lingular and entertaining : How many Parts it may contain. And what they're like, is worth explaining. They're Three, and each like a wild Beafl, The Firft to a Lyon I compare. The next a Tyger from the Eaft, The Third is like an Alpi7ie Bear. The former with Sheeps Heads are fed, Fle{h is bell fuited to their Maws ; The Bear will live upon Rye Bread, And on the Buckings of his Paws ; D Brum% [ 25 ] Bruins not nice about his Food, But very fond of Fun and Play, He's neither covetous of Blood, Nor fullen like thofe Beafts of Prey. Suppofe them thruft into one Den, Carefully managed, and obferv'd, By any of thofe vulgar Men By whom fuch Animals are ferv'd ; To keep their Union entire, . They mufl: be brought up all together, And if they're fed as they require. They may be govern'd by a Feather. But fliould their Keeper without Scruple, Let out his Lion in a Crowd, Neither th' Excufes of the Pupil, Or Governour, will be allow'd. They'll fend the Tutor for his F.olick, (Shooting his Pupil in their Rage,) To lie like fixate in the Cholick, Stinking in an enchanted Cage, 'Tis [ ^- ] 'Tis all the fame, Tyger or Lion, It would have been as bad a Job ; The Bear was Ikfer to rely on, The Bear's a Favourite of the Mob. I hope your Graces at laft fee, That we, who never tafle your Feafts, Care little whether You or He Have the Direction of the Beafts. Your Value has been tairly ftated ; Nothing remains but to enquire, "Whether your Part)- can be rated, With anv Reafon, anv higher. Like the Phyficians of the College, Or the Phyhcians of the Soul, The ^Vhigs, with greater Zeal than Knowledge, Would fain prefcribe without Controul, Princes muft bow to their Decrees, None ot their Fancies be neglected. Their Dreams like Sjxc's Reveries Jsluii both be fludy'd and refpecled. D 2 jf [ ?8 ] If Dreamers muft reform the State, If Dreamers are to be th© ftrongeft, Thofe ought to have the greatefl: Weight, That have continued to dream longeft. Yours are the lateft and the neweft, And therefore I infer with Truth, Thofe are the ftrongeft, and the trueft That have been Dreamers from their Youth. 'Twill alfo follow from this View, That all your Schemes muft come to nought; That neither You, nor your whole Crew, Are all together v/orth a Groat. Say then, who are the ftrongeft Dreamers ? They who for ever have been croaking ; Whofe Dreams occafton Sweats and Tremors, Convulftons, Strangling and Choaking? Thofe Dreamers, Cocoa^ are thy Sons, Entranc'd in Vifions half an Age ; That come at laft in Swarms like Huns, And drive the Whigs quite oft the Stage, Oblig'd [ ^9 ] . Oblig'd to feek, like routed Bees, A Shelter for their wretched Lives, In dreary Vales and hollow Trees, Far from St. James?, honied Hives. Here I'll give you a Refting Place, The only Place in my Difpofal ; People in your negleded Cafe, Ought to be glad of the Propofal. It is a Sine Cure compleat, Which for your Lives I'll let you keep ; Nothing to do but drink and eat, To fliave, repent, and go to fleep. All your Mifcarriages arife. In Spite of all that you advance. From your pretending to be wife. And not depending upon Chance. When did Chance fail you at a Pinch ? How many times, you know full well. When you durft hardly afk an Inch, Has not fhe given you an Ell ? 445395 How [ 30 ] How many Years, to our Surprize, When Foes oppos'd you without Number j Subfidies, Armies, Fleets, Supplies, Kept rolling on in one fmooth Slumber ? By Time and Chance at iirfl you rofe. By Time and Chance at lad you fall ; They humble you and raife your Foes, For Time and Chance happen to all. ' Be therefore patient and refign'd. To Time and Chance alone attend ; Trufl not yourfelves in any Kind, You cannot trufl: a Weaker Friend. The Battle is not to the Strong, Nor have the weak always prevail'd j If they did always right or wrong, Your Graces never could have fail'd. You're us'd to Sermons better drefs'd, But Exercife, and Country Air, Will help your Graces to digeft My coarfe, but not unwholefome, Fare. And [ 3« ] And may the Peace of God enlighten, And fet your Hearts and Minds at reft, And may you evermore delight in A fnug and comfortable Neft. And that which You could have no Hand in. The Peace of Bute upon You fhine, A Peace above your Underftanding, As much as Yours was above Mine. THE END. UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, LOS ANGELES THE UNIVERSITY LIBRARY This book is DUE on the last date stamped below Koi-in r.-o !•,- 111-2. M3(r.20S) '<-»' f' uy ■\.,-' I >->' ,"^' ^ :j M-' Wr '■$ , Y if 9^ n ^ ...-'.-:S.., %K .j^lh *'''^^^ .ii>^- ,-*-'i>:; ^i,^'' mm #^ V i'iM ^x^^