rongs _ f Ul arrieb UCSB WRONGS OF MARRIED MEN, Other Essays,^ BY LADY COOK, NO. 2 OP COMMON SENSE LIBRARY. PRICE, IO GENTS. PUBLISHED BY SECULAR SCIENCE CO. Atlas Block, Chicago. 1900. ATLAS BLOCK, CHICAGO. Wrongs of flfcarrteb The circumstances relating to marriage are becoming so con- fused and anomalous that a re-casting of the laws pertaining to it must soon be universally demanded. At present married people scarcely know where they are. The daily papers constantly give most pathetic accounts of injured husbands in humble life resorting to police-magistrates for assistance or advice, and finding that they have no remedy against the misconduct of their worthless partners. We have not been sparing, from time to time, in enumerating the wrongs of women. But the men have theirs also, to a less degree. and it is only equitable that attention should be drawn to them, for justice and fair play should be given to all. We have never demanded thatwromen should have any privileges denied to men. Not long ago when the law gave the husband sole control of the wife's unsettled property, it was right that he should be liable for her maintenance. But when, as now, a married woman retains her own, the reason for compelling maintenance from the husband has disappeared. She may have a good house and a good income, and, from caprice or other cause, may deny him admittance to hia married home and to any share of her living. If destitute, he may go to the workhouse, while she is living in luxury, and no claim can be made upon her for his sustenance. But reverse the positions and the husband will' be compelled to allow her a maintenance. This system falls hardest on the poorest. It is not uncommon for a police-magistrate to order a working man to contribute twelve shil- SENSE LIMRARY. lings a week, or more, to the support of a separated wife. Few men of such a class can do this and live. Again, since the Jackson case, no husband can compel en un- willing wife to cohabit with him. Of course this is right enough. But, on the other hand, a wife can compel an unwilling husband, by a judge's order, to restore her to cohabitation or pay the penalty of refusal'. This seems an unfair distinction. If a husband neglect his wife and family so that it become constructive cruelty, the wife can obtain a separation order without so much as the asking. But a wife may spend her days in dissipation, may frequent public- houses, and neglect her children, and the husband has neither remedy nor power to prevent her. The wife may be a nagger, a scold, a perpetual tormentor one of the class whom our humorous and practical 1 forefathers cured by the application of to ducking-stool and a horse-pond she may be guilty of any misconduct short of adultery, and the unfortunate husband must put up with it all . Many such fly for refuge to the nearest tavern, and drown their misery in drink, and often become criminal from their misfortune. Many an honest, hard-working man, too, is punished by the magistrates because, in his absence from home, his wife neglected her duties and kept his children from school. If the fines are not paid, it is he who is imprisoned, and not the culprit wife. Widows can claim one-third of the personalty of husbands dyin : intestate, but widowers have only a life-interest in the unwille-l property of deceased wives. As a rul'e the husband has to work hard to maintain his wife and family, but, however humble their circumstances may be, the wife can, if she will, be as idle as she please, and her husband has no remedy. The law will punish him for his neglect, but not her for hers. Formerly he could castigate her; now he must not so much as threaten. A working man complains to a magistrate that his wife neglects to get his meals, and, when she should be tidying ATLAS BLOCK, CHICAGO. his home, spends her time gossiping in a public-house. "Very sorry," replies the magistrate, "but I can do nothing for you. You have taken her for better or worse; you must grin and bear it." He refuses, and leaves her, and she straightway obtains a mainten- ance order against him. But would not easy, cheap, and swift divorce be a fairer and more sensible mode of settling their diffi- culty? Ought the law to ccmpel people to commit adultery beforo they can obtain it? These are some of the wrongs under which married men suffer owing to the radical changes which have taken place in the rela- tions of husband and wife since marriage was made a religions sacrament. A more rational perception of its nature, however, is beginning to prevail, and it is time that all these and other anoma- lies should cease. The religious idea of its character must give way. Marriage will have to be thoroughly reconstructed on the basis of a civil partnership, terminable at will', or from breach of contract, as in other associations. Even time partnerships, to lapse at the end of a term say seven or any other number of years to be agreed upon would be better than the haphazard, happy-go- lucky system now in vogue. These, if agreeable, could be renewed or continued at the will of both. As Mr. Labouchere has just said in the House of Commons, the law of divorce is utterly absurd. "If two people," he added, "wanted to be married, let them be married, and if they want to be divorced, let them be divorced." Although these opinions were greeted with much laughter by the House, as though they were excessively funny, they were nevertheless correct, and domestic happiness will never be universal until they be received as serious truths. Should there be children of those separated, it would be a simple matter to compel parents to set aside a sum for their support in a ratio according to the individual property of each. This would put an end to the filthy acounts of divorce suits which pollute our daily papers, and obtain ready admittance into families where a serious o COMMON SENSE LIBRARY. essay on manners and morals is often excluded because it contains a little necessary plain speaking as though omelettes could be expected without breaking eggs. If people could divorce themselves at will and without publicity they would be as careful to preserve each other's esteem after, as they were before marriage. We should then seldom see what so frequently happens now; the charming, neat, obliging, fiancee, developing into the giddy, careless slatternly, and dis-obliging wife, or the ardent and devoted lover cooling down into the neglect- ful and heartless husband. Those truly married woul'd continue to do all they could to please each other; and those superficially united would practice the outward decencies of married life from mutual and sell interests. Marriage would cease to be the grave of love, and the sum total of human happiness would be immensely increased. Possession during good behaviour is far better for our weak human nature than possession absolute. In the state of Illinois, where divorce is as easy as possible, only one couple in seven resort to it including strangers who visit there for the pur- pose, so that of the inhabitants, perhaps not more than one in four- teen couples, or one person in twenty-eight, desire to break through the marriage bond. The nature of marriage would be elevated by bringing it as nearly as possible to a condition of mutual satisfac- tion. Morality would be increased through it. All that are re- quired to effect these ends axe: equal conditions of partnership, civil contract, and easy method of separation. ATLAS BLOCK, CHICAGO. flftorals. It is an old saying, that nothing makes or mars a man like mar- riage. And the saying is true, for we all agreed that marriage draws after it inevitable consequences, and. those who marry in haste are leift to repent at leisure, because it is thought to be in no one's power to help them. Another proverb tells us that marriages are made in heaven, but this is not in favor with match-making moth- ers, who think they can manage these delicate matters a great deal better than Providence. When a man is about to choose a com- panion for life, he certainly does well to consider that he is taking a very serious step; and it must be admitted that, if we except our common sailors, who have singularly loose notions on the subject, marriage is regarded by every class of the American people as a. thing not to be lightly entered on. The chief reason of this is, that marriage still exihibits itself, even to the Protestant mind, in a quasi-sacramental dress; the next is, that the obstacles to divorce fare much more formidable than formerly. Subordinate to these is a third reason, operating largely with that section of the commun- ity which occupies a middle place between the plutocracy and the masses I mean the possibility of having to provide for a num- erous family. If there is one thing which more than another is thought to be out of the sphere of calculation, it is the number of "hostages to fortune" which a man who marries will be called upon to give. "Leave such vaticinations," says Mrs. Grundy, "to the 8 COMMON SENSE LIBRARY. astrologers or the gipsies; you will have as many children as are good for you, neither more nor less." And yes, in spite of all that is implied to the contrary, in the or- dinary parlance of the day, there is nothing, if we reflect on it, for which we are more responsible than the reproduction of our own species. All but absolute fatalists must admit that it is open to men and women to abstain from marriage altogether, or to put it off for an indefijtite number of years. Opinions may differ on the question whether prolonged celibacy is or is not a good thing, but no one can doubt that the state itself is, at all events with the male sex, the result of free choice. It is a little wonderful, therefore, to find thousands of married persons manifestly holding it to be their duty to bring into the world as many children as possible, while no one thinks of blaming those who remain single for not furthering the multiplication of mankind. But this is only one inconsistency. The strangest of all is, that it seems to be taken for granted that marriage once entered upon, all control over our- selves not only ceases, but ought to cease; and that, instead of the conjugal relations being subject to regulative laws, husbands and wives have no standard of morality corresponding to that which is set up for the government of other folk. The time has arrived when it has become necessary to use plain speech on this matter, and I, for one, can no longer hesitate to avw my belief that this last view of marriage is not only vicious in principle, but often fraught with the most mischievous conse- quences. For what does it amount to? First, it involves a break in the c-ducation of Humanity, which is incompatible with the con- tinuity of moral growth, and has no parallel in the processes of de- velopment of the physical world. Secondly, as held by the middle and upper middle classes, it means that man is free up to a certain point in his career; free, that is, to choose his own vocation, to work out the best part of himself, to enlarge his experience by i ravel, to recreate his strength by leisure, to store his mind with ATLAS BLOCK, CHICAGO. varied knowledge; but that when he marries he surrenders this freedom utterly, embarks on an unknown sea, exposes his fair hopes to shipwreck, here and there has to exhaust all his energies in the toil and stress of life in a word, becomes a victim to new circum- stances, against which it is vain for him to struggle. Is there one of us who can not call to mind a dozen instances of this kind among our acquaintance? Look at the poor married clergymen, whose families have passed into a proverb. Twenty-five years ago, the man whose hair is now silvering with premature age had a repu- tation in his college, was enthusiastic in the cause of science, con- spicuous for general culture, promised many brilliant things; since then he has had ten children, for whose education (all he had to give them) he has overtaxed his powers till' he has sunk to the level of his own drudgery, and his mind has become the mind of a peda- gogue. His friends are at a loss whether to pity or to praise him most. "Excellent fellow!" they exclaim, s COMMON SENSE LIBRARY. about to do. As a rule, the character of his wife is of more conse- quence than the amount of his income. If the latter would be sufficient in the hands of a prudent and domesticated woman, and he is attached to such a one in mutual love, then the sooner they marry the better. Let them do so in the bloom of life, and enjoy each other's society while hope and energy are strong, and not wait until the world has embittered them or crushed out all the happy buoyancy of their youth. There is another advantage in early manage, their children will have grown up before they them- selves have passed middle age, and will bo able, perhaps, to have the felicity of returning their parents' care by assisting them should their old age need it. By far too much is made of the difference between rich and poor. Those who have experienced both states know that human happiness is much the same in each. Wealth has its drawbacks as well as poverty, and possibly if at the close of life we could all add up correctly, we should find that the balance of happiness is rather on the side of the poor. If their sorrows are sharp their joys are keener, and their power of endurance greater. They never exper- ience that satiety of living which comes from satiety of pleasure. They could not understand the pangs of povety in the breast of that luxurious Roman who committed suicide because he had only 80,000 left. Simple habits and natural taste are far more con- ducive to enjoyment than many are aware of. Every-day duty gives a zest for harmless recreation, and many a good-natured father, who takes his little ones of a Sunday for a quiet stroll in a country lane, when the hawthorn or the honey-suckle is in bloom, derives more solid happiness from this than if he were a prince and played at Monte Carlo. It is the custom nowadays to flatter the working classes by ascribing to them all the virtues. But those are not their true friends who do this. Every class has its own virtues and Vices, and the working class has its. They would do well to remember ATLAS BLOCK, CHICAGO. that political' suffrage does not give political wisdom, and that a restricted education must pioduce a restricted intelligence. Their improved condition will depend not on extraneous assistance, not on Acts of Parliament, nor the nostrums of economical and political quacks, but on themselves. They must set themselves a higher standard of education, and a higher code of morality before they can make any considerable advance. Only those who live in a fool's paradise believe in the power of Parliaments to effect a great social reform, which, like rhat of an individual, must proceed from within. Drink, for instance, is the greatest hindrance to their prosperity, and the happiness of their married lives. Many think that, if all the public-houses were closed by Act of Parliament, England would be changed f rom a drunken to a sober nation. This is pure delusion. The fanatics of the State of Maine caused it to be tried there by law, but Mr. Justin McCarthy has given us his experience of the working of this Act. People drank as much as before, and Mr. McCarthy found no difficulty in getting his native whiskey anywhere, even or- a Sunday. We deplore intoxication even as much as Sir Wilfrid Lawson does, but we do not think Englishmen and Irishmen will ever suffer themselves to be dra- gooned into becoming teetotallers or anything else. Although the poor frequently undergo many unavoidable privations, the necessaries of life are cheap, and wages higher than on the Conti- nent. There they find no difficulty in marrying. This seems to require some explanation from those concerned. Can it be true, as Mons. Louis Blouet (Max O'Kell 1 ), author of "John Bull and his island/' said in his lecture at Westbourne Park, some time ago, that much harm arises from the desire of the poor to ape the class above them? This, he said, prevails in England much more than on the Continent. There a poor man is not ashamed to go to church in his blouse, and servant girl's, do not attempt to vie with their mistresses in airs and dress, as they do here. We regret the loss of that modest humility which was once the grace of the 30 COMMON SEXSK LIMRARY. poor that honesty of deportment which preserved them from affecting to be other than they were. Even in these revolutionary times there are some things worth preserving. Should poor people marry? As well ask, should the course of labor stand still? Should the grass grow in our streets, and the cobwebs rot on our walls? Should the lands lie untilled, and the seas unploughed? Should the shuttle cease, and the anvil' be silent? In a word, should famine and pestilence, hunger and fury, desola- tion sway as of old? For all these would hoppen were the sons and daughters of labor to cease breeding the workers of our in- dustrial hives. Let none despise labor, nor be ashamed of it. It is the foundation of all dignity, all 1 goodness, and all true happi- ness. It is only idleness that is contemptible. And if, in the great battle with and against the forces of Nature, thousands, enfeebled by fight, or folly, fall' out of the ranks as paupers, the workers must not on that account be discouraged, nor despise their lot. The rich have their paupers as well as the poor. As a rule, their eldest sons inherit their father's wealth, and the younger are thrown upon the resources of their country. Most of the good things in the Army, Navy and Church fall 1 to the poor of high connections. It is only rarely that superior ability is allowed to take precedence of incompetent rank. But we shall' change all that before long. There are good times in store for the poor, if they will prepare themselves to use them wisely. When- ever they can perceive the suicidal folly of strikes and the futility of multiplied laws; when they acquire generally that love of moral- ity which teaches that only honest work deserves honest payment, and learn to scorn the man who scam.ps his duty as they would any other vulgar cheat; when they regard women with greater respect, and are kinder to their own; when they free themselves from the indulgence of filthy language and debasing habits, and find that pleasure in intellectual pursuits which the best of them have al- ready found; when they see that to be free the rights of all must ATLAS BLOCK, CHICAGO. 31 be respected alike, then the economic and social problems which afflict us now will have been solved. Honesty and morality will bless every household. "The Cottage Homes of England" will be happy homes; marriage will be regarded as the sacred birthright of all. Good Charles Mackay, the poor man's poet, who wrote "There's a good time coming, boys: wait a little longer," alao wrote "For every up there is a down, For every folly shame; And retribution follows guilt As burning follows flame. If wrong you do, if false you play, In summer among the flowers; You must o.tone, you shall repay, In winter among the showers." DC SB LIBRARY IMPORTANT. HOW READY. VITAL MAGNETIC POWER. Hypnotism, Thought - Reading and Frlmtedtor Private Circulation Only by Mr. Frank Randall, Psychologist, of London, England. We beg to announce to all students of Occultism, and those Inter- ested in psychic phenomena, that the first edition of his Special Practical Instructions in Mesmerism, Hypnotism and Thought Reading, may now be ob- tained. 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