UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA 
 AT LOS ANGELES
 
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 /tlA'O^ J . 
 
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 '
 
 aptrs
 
 Parson Potter and his wife were wonderfully pie; 
 tune o' Haddam. PAGE 27. 
 
 with it, used to sing it to tlit>
 
 THR 
 
 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS 
 
 BY 
 
 FRANCES M. WHITCHEE. 
 
 "WITH A.N 
 
 BY 
 
 ALICE B../NEAL. 
 
 NEW YORK: 
 PUBLISHED FOR ALBERT MASON, 
 
 BT A. C. ARMSTRONG & SON, 
 714 BROADWAY. 
 
 1880.
 
 Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1855, 
 
 BY J. C. DERBY, 
 
 IB the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States fot 
 the Southern District of New York.
 
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 L 
 HEZEKIAH BKDOTT 21 
 
 n. 
 
 THE WIDOW ESSAYS POBTBT . 27 
 
 III. 
 
 -WIDOW JENKINS* ANIMOSITY. 
 
 IV. 
 MB. CKANH WALKS nr 89 
 
 V. 
 
 
 
 TUB WIDOW DISCOURSES OF PuMPKnra. 47 
 
 
 
 VL 
 
 < THE WIDOW LOSES HKB BEAU 69 
 
 VIL 
 
 CQ 
 
 MB. CBANE ABOUT TO PROPOSE 70 
 
 DJ 
 
 vm. 
 
 MB. CRANE WALKS our TO 
 
 4C1361
 
 ONTENT8. 
 
 IX. 
 
 THB WIDOW "SETS HER CAP"... 
 
 X- 
 
 THE WIDOW RESOLVES TO LEAVE WIGGLETOWN 95 
 
 XL 
 THE WIDOW TRADES WITH A PEDDLER. 101 
 
 XTT. 
 
 THE WIDOW AND AUNT MAGUIHE DISCOURSE ON VARIOUS 
 
 TOPICS - 119 
 
 XITL 
 
 THE WIDOW HAVING HEARD THAT ELDER SNIFFLES is SICK, 
 WRITES TO HIM 184 
 
 XIV. 
 
 THE WIDOW RESORTS TO ELDER SNIFFLES FOR RELIGIOUS IN- 
 STRUOTION 141 
 
 XV. 
 THB WIDOW CONCLUDES TO PUBLISH 153 
 
 XVL 
 
 THE WIDOW PREPARES TO RECEIVE ELDER SNIFFLES ON 
 THANKSGIVING-DAY- 161 
 
 xvn. 
 
 HE WIDOW RETIRES TO A GROVE IK THE REAR OF ELDER 
 SNIFFLES' HOUSE. . . . . 176
 
 CONTENTS. VU 
 
 xvm. 
 
 THB WIDOW WRITES TO HER DAUGHTER, MRS. JUPITER SMITH. . 184 
 
 XTX. 
 THE RET. MRS. SNIFFLES ABROAD 191 
 
 XX. 
 
 THE RET. MRS. SNIFFLES AT HOME 204 
 
 XXL 
 
 THE RET. MRS. SNIFFLES EXPRESSES HER SENTIMENTS IN RE- 
 GARD TO THE PARSONAGE . 222 
 
 XXTT, 
 AUNT MAGUIRE'S EXPERIENCE -232 
 
 xxm. 
 
 AUNT MAGUIRE'S DESCRIPTION OF THE DONATION PARTY 245 
 
 XXIV. 
 
 A.UNT MAGUIRE TREATS OF THE CONTEMPLATED SEWING SOCIETY 
 AT SCRABBLE Hm, 273 
 
 XXV. 
 
 A UNI- MAGUIRE CONTINUES HER ACCOUNT OP THE SEWING 
 
 SOCD3TY 293 
 
 XXVL 
 AUNT MAGUIRE'S VISIT TO SLABTOWN 318
 
 VlS O NTENTS 
 
 xx vn. 
 
 VISIT TO SLABTOWN CONTINUED... 
 
 xxvm. 
 
 MRS. MAGTJIRE'S ACCOUNT or DEACON WHIPPLB ............. 345 
 
 Mm MUDLAW'S EBOEPE TOE POTATO PUDDING ............... 869 
 
 XXX. 
 
 MOBNING CALLS ; OB ETEBT BODTS PAiTiouLAa FBIBND ...... 383
 
 INTRODUCTORY. 
 
 THE Bedott Papers now for the first time collected, 
 were first widely introduced to public notice through the 
 columns of " Neal's Saturday Gazette." 
 
 Its editor Joseph C. Neal, the well known author of the 
 " Charcoal Sketches," was struck by the originality and clear- 
 ness of the first of the series, when submitted among the 
 mass of contributions, which crowd a weekly newspaper. 
 It was scarcely in print before the author's name began to 
 be asked by subscribers, casual readers, and brother editors, 
 some of whom attributed them to Mr. Neal himself. They 
 could scarcely be made to believe that sketches so full of 
 humor, so remarkable for minute observation of human na- 
 ture, were the work of an unpracticed pen. 
 
 A correspondence arising in this way between the editor 
 and his unknown contributor, Mr. Neal learned that " the 
 Widow Bedott," as she was familiarly called, had not even 
 entered the " holy estate," but was still the center of a hap- 
 pv home circle, in Whitesboro', New York. That she had 
 never before written for publication, and was so sensitively 
 modest, and indeed unaware of her remarkable talent as a 
 humorist, that she was quite willing to cease then an<i there 
 I*
 
 X INTRODUCTORY. 
 
 the history of the Widow's adventures. Mr, Neal's reply 
 to this despondent mood, was perhaps decisive as regards 
 the continuation of the series, and we quote it as preserved 
 among her papers. It has the more value as being the 
 unsolicited opinion of a practical critic who possessed the 
 keenest natural sense of humor: 
 
 "PHILADELPHIA, September 10th, 1846. 
 " MY DEAR CORRESPONDENT BEDOTT : 
 
 " Your last contributions have been received, and are 
 truly welcome. The "Gazette" is again deeply your debtor ; 
 for your aid has been indeed truly valuable to "Neal." 
 But 1 regret to find that Duberly Doubtington has cast a 
 " glamour " over you about continuing in the comic vein, just 
 at the moment too, when all the world is full of Bedott. 
 Our readers talk of nothing else, and almost despise " Neal " 
 if the Widow be not there. An excellent critic in these 
 matters, said to me the other day, that he regarded them as 
 the best Yankee papers yet written, and such is indeed the 
 general sentiment. I know for instance, of a lady who for 
 several days after reading one of them, was continually, 
 and often, at moments -the most inopportune, bursting 
 forth into fits of violent laughter, and believe me that you, 
 gifted with such powers, ought not to speak disparagingly 
 of the gift which thus brings wholesome satire home to 
 every reader. It is a theory of mine that those gifted with 
 truly humorous genius, like yourself, are more useful as moral- 
 ists, philosophers, and teachers, than whole legions of the 
 gravest preachers. They speak more effectually to the general 
 ear and heart even though they who hear are not aware of 
 the fact that they are imbibing wisdom. 
 
 " To be sure, if you have more imperative duties, I should 
 be the last to wish that you should neglect them ; but it
 
 INTRODUCTORY. XJ 
 
 your hesitations arise from other scruples, it appears to me 
 that if you were to weigh them well they may be found 
 mere intangibilities. But of all this you, of course, must 
 De the judge, and any interference on my port would be in 
 trusive and impertinent. 
 
 " But I would add that Mr. Godey called on mt, to inquire 
 as to the authorship of the " Bedott Papers" wishing evi- 
 dently to obtain you for a correspondent to the " Lady's 
 Book'." I declined giving him the name, etc., until I had 
 consulted you, checking the selfish impulse that would ha^e 
 denied him, that " Neal" might monopolize a correspond- 
 ent so valued as " Frank." Would you like to hear from 
 him on the subject ? 
 
 " Think on it then before yielding up the pen of comedy, 
 but in any event, whether you conclude to be either serious 
 or comic, 
 
 " Believe me ever yours, 
 
 "JOSEPH C. NEAL.". 
 
 The result of Mr. Godey 's negotiations will be found in 
 " Aunt Maguire's Experience" Aunt Maguire, being cer- 
 tainly worthy of her distinguished relationship.* 
 
 The New Year found Miriam Berry a bride, and separated 
 from the cherished and cherishing home circle, with new 
 duties and responsibilities as the wife of a clergyman. 
 Yet to quote from a charming memorial from the pen of 
 an almost equally gifted sister, " Her sketches even under 
 these circumstances, require neither vindication nor apology. 
 They were never condemned by any except those who felt 
 
 * We may here add that, as in the case of Mr. Neal, the friendly interesl 
 of the courteous editor of the " Lady's Book" deepened from that Mmo, 
 and it is with his warmest approval and predictions of succesp that the 
 volume containing both series, is cow issued.
 
 xii INTEODUCTOBT. 
 
 the sting of her satire pricking against their vices. Tho 
 good sense of the entire reading public gave them praise 
 and their popularity was abundantly shown in the eagerness 
 with which the country press copied them from the Phila- 
 delphia papers. Her humor was chaste and original, so 
 true to nature that the most ignorant reader could not fail 
 to feel its force, and the most refined could discover nothing 
 that would shock the keenest sensibility. From the time 
 of Horace to the present, it has al\v ays been thought proper 
 and often profitable, to ( speak the truth laughing.' And 
 the best moralists have acknowleged that laughter, when 
 aimed at folly, was a salutary means of improvement, and 
 a great aid to virtue. Indeed we have the precedent of In* 
 spiration itself, to use the most pointed satire in our at- 
 tempts to promote the welfare of our fellows. And this 
 was her only aim ; for, whether she depicted the verbosity 
 of the self-sufficient preacher, or portrayed the vulgar co- 
 queteries of the inconsolable widow whether she held up 
 to view the would-be literary circle, or narrated the gossip 
 of the sewing-society, her only object was 
 
 " 'the gift to gie 'em 
 To see themsels as others see 'em 1 
 Which wad frae monie a blunder free 'em, 
 An' foolish notion.' " 
 
 Such, then, was the origin of the " Bedott Papers," their 
 characteristics and their aim. By the early death of their 
 wonderfully gifted author, they have become a literary 
 heritage to her family, and the publication has been decided 
 upon by them, after repeated solicitations from both
 
 UCTOR Y. xiii 
 
 strangers and friends, who were anxious to have in a col- 
 lected and accessible form articles they had enjoyed so much 
 as fugitive sketches. For ourselves, we have never had but 
 one opinion. We remember, as if had been but yesterday 
 the mirth-mo''ed family circle that listened to the reading 
 of the first of the series with almost convulsive laughter ; 
 and from that time until we corrected the proof-sheets of 
 the last, considered them among the cleverest, as they cer 
 tainly were the most popular of any humorous articles by 
 an American author. 
 
 Though among Mrs. W 's* warmest personal friends, 
 
 we never had the often desired pleasure of meeting her face to 
 face. Yet it is through a correspondence bequeathed to us, 
 as the successor to Mr. Neal's editorial engagements, and 
 some of his most genial friendships, that the sister before 
 alluded to, gathered much of the material for a sketch of her 
 life and character. 
 
 Never was there a more remarkable contrast presented, 
 and we quote her own words, for the causes operating to 
 produce it. 
 
 "Your last kind letter was very gratifying. The acquisi- 
 tion of a new friend is a source of great pleasure to me ; foi 
 I assure you that it has never been my lot to have many 
 friends. And I will tell you what I believe to be the secret 
 of it : I received at my birth, the undesirable gift of a re- 
 markably strong sense of the ridiculous. I can scarcely 
 remember the time when the neighbors were not afraid that 
 
 * Miss Berry was subsequently married to Ttev, B. W. "Whiahor, of 
 Whitesboro', N. Y.
 
 HIV INTRODUCTORY. 
 
 I would l mate fun of them.' For indulging in thispropen 
 sity, I was scolded at home, and wept over and prayed with, 
 by certain well-meaning old maids in the neighborhood ; but 
 all to no purpose. The only reward of their labors was 
 frequently their likenesses drawn in charcoal and pinned to 
 the corners of their shawls, with, perhaps, a descriptive 
 verse below. Of course I had not many friends, even 
 among my own playmates. And yet, at the bottom of all 
 this deviltry, there was a warm, affectionate heart if any 
 were really kind to me, how I loved them ! 
 
 "I think now, that I was not properly trained. My 
 errors should have been checked in a different way from 
 that which was adopted. I ought to have received more 
 tender treatment. I became a lonely child, almost without 
 companionship ; wandering alone, for hours, in the woods 
 and fields, creating for myself an ideal world, and in that 
 ideal world I lived for many years. At times I was melan- 
 choly almost to despair. My reserve and sadness were 
 called haughtiness and pride. When the best part of my 
 life, or rather what should have been the best part of it, 
 was gone, I met my husband. He was the first who pene 
 trated the icy vail about me, sympathized with me, and 
 turned my feet into a better path than they had trodden 
 before" 
 
 A modest, humble-hearted Christian woman " at the bot 
 torn of all this," as she says, she remained until her pen 
 was laid aside for the last time, and she passed to a home 
 where all doubt and misunderstanding are denied an en- 
 trance.
 
 INTRODUCTORY. XV 
 
 * 
 
 " How she looked, spoke and moved," those who read 
 these sketches will doubtless ask, as did we, at an early 
 period of the correspondence. It was met by her with a 
 playful rhymed response, of which we can recall but a frag 
 ment, declaring she had 
 
 " Hands and feet 
 
 Of respectable size, 
 Mud-colored hair, 
 And dubious eyes." 
 
 To the last, she evaded any thing like the self-portraiture so 
 common among a certain class of female writers, who are as 
 willing to give their faces as their sketches to the public. 
 
 Since this would still seem to be the feeling of those most 
 easily interested, we pass to the peculiar artistic cleverness 
 of the original illustrations, which usually accompanied her 
 " Table Talks." They were done as rapidly as her pencil 
 could move, a few strokes " telling the whole story." Of 
 the rise and progress of this remarkable talent, we have 
 some characteristic anecdotes in Miss Berry's sketch of her 
 sister's childhood. 
 
 " Her school education was more varied than beneficial. 
 Her first teacher was a sour-faced woman, who knocked the 
 alphabet with her thimble into the heads of a little group of 
 unruly children, at so much 'a quarter,' with small love, 
 and no just appreciation of the dawning minds under her 
 care. It was the unwise and cruel practice, then more gen 
 orally than at present, though still not quite exploded, of 
 sending little creatures, only four or five years old ; to be 
 shut up in a school-room six hours of each day.
 
 SVi INTKODUCTOBY. 
 
 " But there was one good custom then, which, where OUT 
 limited observation extends, seems to be quite unthought of, 
 if not despised, in the present girls' schools that of teach- 
 ing the pupils to sew. The object now appears to be to in- 
 struct them most in what they shall least need to know 
 afterward. Well, little Miriam was told by her teacher to 
 bring some kind of work to busy herself with in school ; 
 so, being furnished with a long narrow strip of old muslin, 
 she went prepared to take her first lesson in the art of 
 " scolloping." How steadily the small hands stitched away, 
 till the child was summoned by her serious-faced teacher to 
 the table, to have her work inspected. What was Miss 
 
 's amazement on discovering that Miriam had adhered 
 
 but a very little way to her pattern, when, leaving it entire- 
 ly, she had worked a long row of heads on the muslin, after 
 a stitch of her own choosing. 
 
 " ' What a pity,' said the careful woman who spoke with 
 a strong nasal accent, ' to waste all that 'ere nice muslin ! 
 Jest take it home, and fetch some old stuff to-morrow ; and 
 work it good, too. Don't make any more of them heads.' 
 
 " But Miriam Cad a piece of bran-new muslin given to hei 
 at home, when she repeated her teacher's orders, with the 
 permission to make as many heads on it as she pleased. 
 Whether this act of high-handed rebellion was continued, we 
 know not ; for, in telling the story, as we have heard her do 
 with many amusing accessories, she proceeded no further 
 This little incident, it would seem, was the most deeply im 
 pressed upon her memory of any thing connected with hei 
 5xst school-teacher.
 
 INTRODUCTORY. XVJU 
 
 " A second time was little Miriam introduced within the 
 walls of the academy, but under a new and quite different 
 dynasty. The principal was the kindest hearted and most 
 indulgent of pedagogues, well skilled in mathematics and 
 learned in all classic lore ; greatly successful, moreover, in 
 ' fitting young men for college,' as the phrase goes. But 
 the younger fry were left to take care of themselves, or at 
 most received a kind of desultory instruction from some 
 older pupil, while their misbehavior was kindly overlooked 
 by the classical master. Lightly passed her school-daya 
 now, but her education, in the true sense of the word was 
 advancing. Within the school-house walls, the child's al- 
 ready observant mind and keen perception of the ludicrous 
 found occupation and food in watching the countenances and 
 conduct of those who surrounded her ; while her lonely 
 rambles abroad taught her much that your thorough-faced 
 pedagogue utterly ignores. 
 
 " Her slate did not always present the sums in addition 
 duly set, which it ought. The stiff, tallowed locks and long- 
 nosed visages of the serious matter-of-fact young men, in- 
 tently poring over their Virgils and Latin grammars, on 
 the opposite side of the room, were oftener transferred by 
 her pencil to its surface. She could no more keep from 
 drawing a striking or peculiar set of features, than she could 
 stop her heart's beating ; but she had no thought of giving 
 pain, and was unwilling to have her pictures seen. Some- 
 times a mischievous companion, possessing herself of one, 
 would display it. If the unfortunate subject had the happy 
 (acuity of taking a joke, ho passed it off with a laugh. But
 
 XV111 INTRODUCTORY. 
 
 a matter-of-fact, shy, sensitive youth regarded Miriam after- 
 ward with insuperable dread. We well remember one 
 who, finding himself graphically set forth with the quiet 
 imaginary addition of a parasol over his head, and bows, 
 with floating ends on his coat skirts, left school in dismay 
 and did not again attend. 
 
 " Her copy-book presented an appearance very unlike 
 those of her school-mates. She followed no formally set 
 copy, but wrote little poems which had struck her fancy in 
 reading, interspersed with an occasional verse of her own, 
 the margins being adorned with heads and various devices, 
 something after the ancient fashion, modernly revived, ot 
 embellishing books. 
 
 " In the art of drawing she never had a master, the only 
 instruction she received being a few hints from a relative 
 gifted with a like talent. The itinerant professors of paint 
 ing and kindred accomplishments who stopped at times, in 
 her native village, were incapable of improving such an en- 
 dowment as hers. Their chefs-d'ceuvres on velvet, their red 
 and green birds, and extraordinary ' flower-pieces ' done by 
 theorems, their impossible Scripture scenes, gave her infinite 
 amusement. She should have studied with a true artist, 
 but no such opportunity presented itself a subject of deep 
 regret to her in after years, as therein she believed the 
 proper development of her powers could have been found." 
 
 Such was the erratic training and chance development of 
 rare indeed almost unprecedented original talent ; for 
 what humorist has ever so clearly illustrated his own 
 sketches of life and character. The very expression of the
 
 INTRODUCTORY. six 
 
 Widow's nose and the Elder's spectacles, are a promise to 
 the mirth-loving reader of good things at hand ; and we 
 leave them with the assurance that the promise will more 
 than be fulfilled. 
 
 A.B. N.
 
 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS, 
 
 TTB was a wonderful hand to moralize, husband 
 was, 'specially after lie begun to enjoy poor 
 health. He made an observation once when he was 
 in one of his poor turns, that I never shall forget the 
 longest day I live. He says to me one winter evenin 7 
 as we was a settin' by the fire, I was a knittin' (I was 
 always a wonderful great knitter) and he was a 
 smoMn' (he was a master hand to smoke, though the 
 doctor used to tell him he 'd be better off to let 
 tobacker alone ; when he was well, used to take his 
 pipe and smoke a spell after he 'd got the chores done 
 up, and when he wa'n't well, used to smoke the big- 
 gest part o' the time). "Well, he took his pipe out of 
 his mouth and turned toward me, and Iknowed some- 
 thing was comin', for he had a pertikkeler way of 
 lookin' round when he was gwine to say any thing 
 oncommon. "Well, he says to me, says he, " Silly,"
 
 22 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 (my name was Prissilly naterally, but lie ginerally 
 called me " Silly," cause 'twas handier, you know.) 
 Well, lie says to me, says he, " Silly," and he looked 
 pretty sollem, I tell you, he had a sollem countenance 
 naterally and after he got to be deacon 'twas more 
 so, but since he 'd lost his health he looked sollemer 
 than ever, and certingly you wouldent wonder at it if 
 you knowed how much he underwent. He was 
 troubled with a wonderful pain in his chest, and 
 amazin' weakness in the spine of his back, besides the 
 pleurissy in the side, and having the ager a consider- 
 able part of the time, and bein' broke of his rest 
 o' nights 'cause he was so put to 't for breath when he 
 laid down. Why its an onaccountable fact that when 
 that man died he hadent seen a well day in fifteen 
 year, though when he was married and for five or six 
 year after I shouldent desire to see a ruggeder men 
 than what he was. But the time I 'm speakin' of he'd 
 been out o' health nigh upon ten year, and dear 
 sakes ! how he had altered since the first time I even 
 see him ! That was to a quiltin' to Squire Smith's a 
 spell afore Sally was married. I 'd D o idee then that Sal 
 Smith was a gwine to be married to Sam Pendergrass. 
 Se 'd ben keepin' company with Mose Hewlitt, for 
 better 'n a year, and every body said that was a settled 
 thing, and lo and behold! all of a sudding she up 
 and took Sam Pendergrass. Well, that was tho 
 first time I ever see my husband, and if any body 'd
 
 HEZEKIAH BEDOTT. 23 
 
 a told me then that I should ever many him, 
 I should a said but lawful sakes ! I most forgot, I 
 was gwine to tell you what he said to me that evenin', 
 and when a body begins to tell a thing I believe in 
 finishin' on 't some time or other. Some folks have a 
 way of talkin' round and round and round for ever- 
 more, and never comin' to the pint. Now there's 
 Miss Jinkins, she that was Poll Bingham afoie she was 
 married, she is the tejusest individooal to tell a story 
 tha* ever I see in all my born days. But I was a 
 gwine to tell you what husband said. He says to me 
 says he, "Silly," says I, "What?" I dident say 
 " What, Eezekier?" for 1 dident like his name. The 
 first time I ever heard it I near killed myself a laffin. 
 " Hezekier Bedott," says I, " well, I would give up if 
 I had sich a name," but then you know I had no more 
 idee o' marryin' the feller than you have this minnit 
 o' marryin' the governor. I s'pose you think it 's 
 curus we should a named our oldest son Hezekier. 
 Well, we done it to please father ,and mother Bedott, 
 it 's father Bedott's name, and he and mother Bedott 
 both used to think that names had ought to go down 
 from gineration to gineration. But we always called 
 him Kier, you know. Speakin' o' Kier, he is a bless- 
 in', ain't he ? and I ain't the only one that thinks so, 
 I guess. Now don't you never tell nobody that I said 
 so, but between you and me I rather guess that if 
 Kezier Winkle thinks she is a gwine to ketch Kier
 
 24 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 Bedott she is a leetle out of her reckonin'. But I was 
 going to tell what husband said. He says to me, says 
 he, " Silly," I says, says I, " What?" If I dident say 
 " what" when he said " Silly," he 'd a kept on saying 
 " Silly," from time to eternity. He always did, be- 
 cause, you know, he wanted me to pay pertikkeler 
 attention, and I ginerally did ; no woman was ever 
 more attentive to her husband than what I was. 
 Well, he says to me, says he, " Silly." Says I, 
 " What ?" though I 'd no idee what he was gwine to 
 say, dident know but what 'twas something about his 
 sufferings, though he wasn't apt to complain, but he 
 frequently used to remark that he wouldent wish his 
 worst enemy to suffer one minnit as he did all the 
 rime, but that can't be called grumblin' think it can ? 
 Why, I 've seen him in sitivations when you 'd a 
 thought no mortal could a helped grumbling but lie 
 dident. He and me went once in the dead o' winter 
 in a one hoss slay out to Boonville to see a sister o' 
 hisen. You know the snow is amazin' deep in that 
 section o' the kentry. Well, the hoss got stuck in 
 one o' them are flambergasted snow-banks, and there 
 we sot, enable to stir, and to cap all, while we was a 
 sittin' there, husband was took with a dretful crick in 
 his back. Now that was what I call a perdickerment, 
 don't you ? Most men would a swore, but husband 
 dident He only said, says he, " Consarn it." How 
 did we get out, did you ask ? Why we might a been

 
 HEZBKIAH BEDOTT. 25 
 
 sittin' there to this day for as /know, if there hadent 
 a happened to come along a mess o' men in a double 
 team and they hysted us out. But I was gwine to 
 tell you that observation o* hisen. Says he to me, 
 says he, " Silly," (I could see by the light o' the fire, 
 there dident happen to be no candle burnin', if I don't 
 disremember, though my memory is sometimes rather 
 forgitful, but I know we wa'n't apt to burn candles 
 exceptin' when we had company) I could see by the 
 light of the fire that his mind was oncommon solemn- 
 ized. Says he to me, says he, "Silly." I says to 
 him, says I, "What?" He says to me, says hey 
 " We 're all poor critters /" 
 
 2
 
 II. 
 
 "V7"ES he was one o' the best men that ever trod 
 shoe-leather husband was, though Miss Jinkins 
 Bays (she 'twas Poll Bingham) she says, I never found 
 it out till after he died, but that 's the consarndest lie 
 that ever was told, though it's jest of a piece with 
 every thing else she says about me. I guess if every 
 body could see the poitry I writ to his memory, no- 
 body wouldent think I dident set store by him. 
 Want to hear it? Well, I' 11 see if I can say it; it 
 ginerally affects me wonderfully, seems to harrer up 
 my feelins ; but 1' 11 try. Dident know I ever writ 
 poetry? how you talk! used to make lots on 't; haint 
 so much late years. I remember once when Parson 
 Potter had a bee, I sent him an amazin' great cheese, 
 and writ a piece o' poitry and pasted on top on 't. 
 It says : 
 
 Teach him for to proclaim 
 
 Salvation to the folks, 
 No occcasion give for any blame 
 
 Nor wicked people's jokea. 
 
 And so it goes on, but I guess I won't stop to say the 
 rest on 't now, seem' there 's seven and forty verses.
 
 THE WIDOW ESSAYS POETRY. 27 
 
 Parson Potter and his wife was wonderfully pleased 
 with it, used to sing it to the tune o' Haddem. But I 
 was gwine to tell the ono I made in relation to hus- 
 band, it begins as Toilers : 
 
 He never jawed in all his life, 
 
 He never was onMiid 
 And (tho' I say it thai was his wife) 
 
 Such men you seldom find. 
 
 (That 's as true as the Scripturs, I never knowed him 
 to say a harsh word.) 
 
 1 never changed my single lot 
 I thought 't would be a sin . 
 
 (though widder Jinkins says it 's because I never had 
 a chance.) Now 't ain't for me to say whether I ever 
 had a numerous number o' chances or not, but there 's 
 them livin' that might tell if they was a mind to ; 
 why, this poitry was writ on account of being joked 
 about Major Coon, three year after husband died. I 
 guess the ginerality o' folks knows what was the 
 nature o' Major Coon's feelins toward me, tho' his 
 wife and Miss Jinkins does say I tried to ketch him. 
 The fact is, Miss Coon feels wonderfully cut up 'cause 
 she knows the Major took her " Jack at a pinch" 
 seein' he couldent get such as he wanted, he took such 
 as he could get but I goes on to say 
 
 I never changed my single lot 
 
 I thought 'twould be a sin 
 For I thought so much o' Deacon Bedott 
 
 I never got married agin.
 
 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS, 
 
 If ever a hasty word he spoke 
 
 His anger dident last, 
 But vanished like tobacker smoko 
 
 Afore the wint'ry blast. 
 
 And since it was my lot to be 
 The wife of such a man, 
 
 I tell the men that's after me 
 To ketch me if they can. 
 
 If I was sick a single jot 
 He called the doctor in 
 
 That 's a fact lie used to be scairt to death if any thing 
 ailed me, now only jest think widder Jinkins told 
 Sam Pendergrasses wife (she 't was Sally Smith) that 
 she guessed the deacon dident set no great store by 
 me, or he wouldent a went off to confrence meetin' 
 when I was down with the fever. The truth is, they 
 couldent git along without him no way. Parson Pot- 
 ter seldom went to confrence meetin', and when he 
 wa'n't there, who was ther, pray tell, that knowed 
 enough to take the lead if husband dident do it? 
 Deacon Kenipe hadent no gift, and Deacon Crosby 
 hadent no inclination, and so ic all come on to Deacon 
 Bedott and he was always ready and willin' to do 
 his duty, you know ; as long as he was able to stand 
 on his legs he continued to go to confrence meetin ; 
 why, I Ve knowed that man to go when he couldent 
 scarcely crawl on account o' the pain in the spine of 
 his back. He had a wonderful gift, and he wa'n't a 
 man to keep his talents hid up in a napkin so you 
 Bee 't was from a sense o' duty he went when I was
 
 THE WIDOW ESSAYS POETRY. 29 
 
 rick, whatever Miss Jinking may say to the contrary 
 But where was I? 
 
 If I was sick* single jot 
 
 He called the doctor in 
 I sot BO much store by Deacon Bedott 
 
 I never got married agin. 
 
 A wonderful tender heart he had 
 
 That felt for all mankind- 
 It made him feel amaziu' bad 
 
 To see the world so blind. 
 
 Whiskey and rum he tasted not 
 
 That 's as true as the Scripturs but if you '11 believe 
 it, Betsy, Ann Kenipe told my Melissy that Miss Jin- 
 kins said one day to their house how 't she 'd seen 
 Deacon Bedott high, time and agin ! did you ever ! 
 Well, I 'm glad nobody don't pretend to mind any 
 thing she says. I 've knowed Poll Bingham from a 
 gal, and she never knowed how to speak the truth 
 besides she always had a pertikkeler spite against hus- 
 band and me, and between us tew, I '11 tell you why 
 if you won't mention it, for" I make it a pint never to 
 say nothin' to injure nobody. Well, she was a ravin- 
 distracted after my husband herself, but it 's a long, 
 story, I '11 tell you about it some other time, and then 
 you '11 know why widder Jinkins is etarnally runnin' 
 me down. See where had I got to? O, I remem- 
 ber QOW 
 
 Whiskey and rum he tasted not 
 
 He thought it was a sin 
 1 thought so much o' Deacon Bedott 
 
 I never got married agin.
 
 80 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 But now be 's dead ! the thought is killia' 
 
 My grief I can't control 
 Ho never left a. single shillin 
 
 His widder to console. 
 
 But that waVt his fault he was so out o' health for 
 a number o' year afore he died, it ain't to be wondered 
 at he dident lay up nothin' however it dident give 
 him no great oneasiness he never cared much for 
 airthly riches, though Miss Pendergrass says she heard 
 Miss Jinkins say Deacon Bedott was as tight as the 
 skin on his back begrudged folks their vittals when 
 they came to his house ! did you ever ! why he was 
 the hull-souldest man I ever see in all my born days. 
 If I 'd such a husband as Bill Jinkins was I 'd hold 
 my tongue about my neighbors' husbands. B> was a 
 dretful mean man, used to git drunk every day of his 
 life and he had an awful high temper used to 
 swear like all possest when he got mad and I 've 
 heard my husband say (and he wa'n't a man that 
 ever said any thing that w^a'n't true) I 've heard him 
 say Bill Jiukins would cheat his own father out of his 
 eye teeth if he had a chance. Where was I? Ol 
 "His widder to console" ther ain't but one more 
 verse, 't ain't a very lengthy poim. When Parson 
 Potter read it, he says to me, says he " What did 
 you stop so soon for?" but Miss Jinkins told tho 
 Crosby's she thought I 'd better a stopt afore I 'd begun 
 she 's a purty critter to talk so, I must say. I 'd 
 like to see some poitry o' hern I guess it would be
 
 THE WIDOW ESSAYS POETRY. 31 
 
 BStonishin' stuff; and mor 'n all that, she said there 
 wa'n't a word o' truth in the hull on 't said I never 
 cared tuppence for the deacon. What an everlastin' 
 lie I ! Why when he died. I took it so hard I went 
 deranged, and took on so for a spell they was afraid 
 they should have to send me to a Lunattic ArsenaL 
 But that 's a painful subject, I won't dwell on 't. I 
 conclude as follows : / 
 
 I '11 never change my single lot 
 
 I think 't would be a sin 
 The inconsolable widder o' Deacon Bedott, 
 
 Don't intend to get married agin. 
 
 Excuse my cryin' my feelins always overcomes me 
 so when I say that poitry O-o-o-o-o-o 1
 
 m. 
 
 nim0siti 
 
 f~\ YES I remember I promised to tell you the 
 cause o' widder Jinkinses ennimosity to me 
 Molissy, pass the bread well, you see, Deacon Bedott 
 (he wa'n't deacon then though) he come help yerself 
 to butter, dew he come to Wiggletown to teach the 
 deestrict school. He was origginally from the Black 
 River kentry. His father was a forehanded farmer, 
 and he 'd give Hezekier a complete ^ddication he 
 took to larnin' naterally. Is your tea agreeable ? I 
 s'pose ther wa'n't his equil for cypherin' no wher 
 round. Well, Squire Smith he was out in them parts, 
 and he got acquainted with Hezekier, and he see that 
 he was an oncommon capable young man, and so he 
 conduced him to come to Wiggletown and teach school. 
 Kier, pass the cheeze to Miss Piggins. Don't never 
 eat cheese 1 dew tell I well, husband couldent eat cheeze 
 without impunity durin' the last years of his life 
 used to say that It lay like a stun on his stomick ; as 
 sure as he eat a piece o' cheeze for his supper, he 'd 
 '.ay awake groanin' all night, if he dident take some
 
 WIDOW JENKINS' ANIMOSITY. 33 
 
 kind of an antigote to pervent it. But I was gwine 
 to tell "Well, the day after lie come to our place, 
 Squire Smith's folks had a quiltin' I was there 
 't wa'n't long afore Sally was married (she 'tis Sam 
 Pendergrasses wife) she was a makin' her quilts 
 though 'twas ginerally thought she was engaged to 
 Mose Hewlet, and as to that matter, it 's my opinion 
 she might better a had him than the one she did have. 
 I never thought Sam Pendergrass was much none 
 o' the Pendergrasses ain't no great shakes, though 
 he 's good enough for Sal Smith. Melissy, why don't 
 you sarve out the sass ? That sass ain't fust-rate 
 you see, while 'twas a dewin' Loviney Skinner, she 
 come in with that are subscription paper, to git up a 
 society for " the univarsal diffusion of elevation among 
 the colored poperlation," and while I was lookin' at it 
 to Bee who 'd signed and how much they gi'n, the sass 
 got overdid. But I was gwiue to tell about that 
 CLniltin'. Ther was a number o' young folks there 
 see there was Prissilly Poole (that 's me), Poll Bing- 
 ham (Bill Jinkinsea widder), Huddy Hewlit (she 
 married Nat Farntash and both on 'em died to the 
 westard a number o' years ago), and Sally Smith 
 (Sam Pendergrasses wife), and the Peabodys (Jeru- 
 ehy married Shadrack Dany but Betsey ain't mar- 
 ried yet, though I s'pose if ever any body tried 
 faithfully to git a husband Bets' Peabody has), and 
 Nab Einksten (she 'tis Major Coon's wife now). 
 2*
 
 84 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 though then she wa'n't nothin' but a milliner's ap- 
 printice. I remember, I wondered at the Smiths foi 
 invitin' her, but they never was pertikkeler who they 
 went with, and she always had a wonderful way o' 
 crowdin' in. See you heerd, dident ycu, how 't she 
 said I tried to ketch the Major, but he Icokt ruther 
 higher 'n to marry widder Bedott ? He must a lookt 
 consarn-ed high when he took Nab Hinksten ! She 7 s 
 a purty critter to be a tryin' to disperse my character, 
 I dew say ! I' 11 let her know 't Deacon Bedott's 
 widder ain't agwine to be put down by the like o' her. 
 What was she, pray tell, in her young days ? I make 
 it a pint never to say nothin' against nobody but 
 truth ain't no slander, think it is? and all creation 
 knows she wa'n't nobody. Why her lather was a 
 poor drunken shack away down in Bottletown, and 
 her mother took in washin', and Nab Hinksten herself 
 worked out for a half a dollar a week, till Miss Potter 
 was down there one time a visitin' Parson Potter's re- 
 lations, and she took pity on her and fetched her up 
 to Wiggletown to live with her ; but after a spell she 
 got above dewin' housework and went into Miss Dick- 
 erson's milliner shop, and there she stayed till Zeb 
 Hawkins married her, and after he died o' delirreum 
 trimmins, she sot tew to ketch somebody else, and at 
 last she draw'd in Major Coon he 'd been disappinted 
 ('t ain't for me to say who disappinted him) and so 
 he dident care much who he married and now sho'e
 
 WIDOW JENKINS 7 ANIMOSITY. 36 
 
 Miss Major Coon ! O, deary me, it 's enough to make 
 a body sick to see the airs she puts on. rDid you see 
 her come nippin' into meetin' last Sahber day with 
 that are great long ostridge feather in her bunnit, and 
 a shawl as big as a bed kiver? But I could put up 
 with hei li she wouldent slander her betters. She 
 and Miss Jinkins is wonderful intimit now, though I 
 remember when Poll Bingham hild her head high 
 enough above Nab Hinksten, at that quiltin' she 
 dident scarcely speak to her. Is your cup out? Take 
 some more bread not no more ? why you don't eat 
 nothing I 'm afeard you won't make out a supper 
 well dew take a piece o' the sweetcake I ain't sure 
 about it bein' good, Melissy made it and she 's apt to 
 git in a leetle tew much molasses but them nutcakes 
 I know is good, for I made 'em myself and I dew 
 think I make nutcakes about as good as any body 
 else. Kier's a wonderful favoryte o' nutcakes, ain't 
 you Kier ? but his father couldent eat 'em at all for 
 a number o' year afore he died they were tew rich 
 for his stomick -jest as sure as he eat a nutcake he 
 used to have a sick spell afterward. But I was a 
 gwinc to tell how Poll Bingham come to take such a 
 spite against me well, the beginnin' on 't commenced 
 at that are quiltin'. In the evenin' you see the young 
 men come. There was Hezekier Bedott Zeb Haw- 
 kins (he 't was Miss Coon's fust husband, he got to be 
 i worthless critter afore he died), and Shubal Green
 
 86 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS 
 
 (he "was a wonderful good singer, had an amazui 1 
 powerful voice, used to sing in meetin' and nigh about 
 raise the ruff o' the meetin'-house off), and Zophar 
 Slocum he was studyin' to be a doctor, he was a 
 smart young man but dretful humbly : he used to 
 write the poitry for the "Wiggleton Banner." He 
 got dretfully in love with a young woman once, and 
 she dident recipperate his feelins 't ain't for me to 
 tell who the young woman was. I don't approve o* 
 tellin' such things well, he got into such a takin' on 
 account o' her coldness, that at last he writ her a letter 
 tellin' of her how 't he couldent stan such undifference 
 no longer, and if she continood to use him so, he was 
 determined to commit self-suiside at the end o' tho 
 letter, he put in a varse o' poitry it says 
 
 0, 'tis a dretful thing to be 
 In such distress and miseree I 
 I 'm eny most a natteral fool 
 All on account o' Silly Poole I 
 
 There! I've let on who 'twas hain't I? but be 
 altered his mind about killin' himself, and was married 
 about three months after to Sophier Jones. Take 
 another nut-cake dew. Why, what a small eater 
 you be! I'm afeared the vittals don't -suit you. 
 Well, less see who else was there. O, Tim Crane. 
 He was a wonderful softly feller dident scarsely 
 know enough to go in when it rained, though he was 
 purtj sharp at makin' money. He married Trypheny
 
 WIDOW JENKINS' ANIMOSITY. 37 
 
 Kenipe, Deacon Kenipe'e sister they went to the 
 westard, and I've heered they'd got to be quite rich. 
 I guess it must be owin' to Miss Crane's scrapin' 
 and savin', for she was the stingiest of all created 
 critters. "What did you say, Kier? Jim Crane 
 comin' back here to live ? Well, 't won't be no great 
 
 addition to Wiggletown, for they ain't What! 
 
 Kier Bedott ? Miss Crane dead I Land o' liberty I 
 what an awful thing ! Dear me ! I dew feel amazin' 
 eorry for Mr. Crane ! how onfortinate I to lose his 
 wife ! such a nice woman as she was, tew 1 What did 
 you say, Melissy Bedott ! How 't I jest called Miss 
 Crane a stingy critter ? you must a misunderstood me 
 a purpose ! I said she was an oncommon equinomical 
 woman. I always thought a master sight of Miss 
 Crane, though I must say she wa'n't quite good 
 enough for such a man as Timothy Crane. He 's an 
 amazin 1 fine man. I said he dident know nothing ? 
 Kier Bedott, how you dew misunderstand. I meant 
 that he was a wonderful unoffensive man, well-dis- 
 posed toward every body. Well, I 'm glad Mr. 
 Crane 's a comin' back here ; should think J t would be 
 melancholy to stay there after buryin' his pardner. 
 His poor motherless darters, tew ! I feel for them. It 's 
 a dretful thing for galls to be left without a mother ! 
 Melisay, what b 5 you winkin' to Kier for? Don't you 
 enow it 's very improper to wink ? Kier, did Deacon 
 Kenipe say what comDlaint Miss Crane died of ? The 
 
 4C13G1
 
 88 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPEES. 
 
 eperdemic! how you talk! that's a tumble disease: 
 I remember it prevailed in our place when I was quite 
 young a number o' individuals died on't I don't 
 wonder Mr. Crane wants to git away from the west- 
 ard, it must be very onpleasant to stay to a place 
 where his companion was tore away from him by such 
 an aggravatin' complaint as the eperdemic. Won't 
 you be helped to nothing more ? 0, sure enough I 
 was goin' to tell how Poll Bingham came to be such 
 an inimy o' mine now I should n't wonder if she 
 should set tew and try tew ketch Mr. Crane when he 
 comes back, should you ? I '11 bet forty great apples 
 she '11 dew it, she 's been ravin' distracted to git married 
 ever since she was a widder, but I ruther guess Timo- 
 thy Crane ain't a man to be took in by such a great 
 fat, humbly, slanderin' old butter tub. She 's as gray 
 as a rat, tew, that are hair o' hern 's false. I 'm gray 
 tew. I guess you haint told no news now, Melissy 
 Bedott. I know I'm ruther gray, but it's owin' to 
 sickness and trouble. I had n't a gray hair in my head 
 when yer par died. I ain't as old as widder Ji nkins, 
 by a number o' year. I think 't wo aid be a good 
 idear for some friendly person to warn Mr. Crane 
 aginst Poll Jinkins as soon as he gits here, don't you ? 
 I dew feel for Mr. Crane. Kier, I wish you 'd invite 
 him to step in when you see him, I want to oonvarse 
 vitli him. I feel to sympathize with him in his afflic- 
 tive dispensation, I know what 'tis to lose a pardner.
 
 IV 
 
 r. Cxaiu 
 
 TTTALK in ! Why Mr. Crane how dew you dew ? 
 I'm despot glad to see you amazin' glad. 
 Kier told me you 'd arriv' several days ago, and I Ve 
 been suspectin' you in every day sence. Take a cheer 
 and set down dew Why Mr. Crane, you hold yer 
 own wonderfully, don't grow old a speck as I see. 
 Think I've altered much? Don't, hay? Well, Mr. 
 Crane, we Ve both on us had trouble enough to make 
 us look old. Excuse my cryin', Mr. Crane. I've 
 ben dretfully exercised ever sence I heerd o' your 
 affliction. O! Mr. Crane! what poor short-sighted 
 critters we be ! can't calkilafe with any degree o' sar- 
 tinty what 's a gwine to happen. Parson Potter used 
 to say 't was well we did n't know the futur, cause 
 't would have an attendency to onfit us for dewin' our 
 duty ; and so 't would if you and I 'd a knowed 
 when you went away fifteen year ago, what we 'd got 
 to undergo, 't would a nigh about killed us, would n't 
 it ? ! Mr. Crane 1 Mr. Crane I Creation has dealt 
 purty hard with us sence we parted! Then, you had
 
 40 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 a wife 'an uncommon likely woman she was lew 
 and I was blest with one o' the best o' men for a 
 husband now, I'm a widder, and you're a wid 
 dyiver. But our loss is their gain at least I 'm sartin 
 my loss is Deacon Bedott's gain. O ! Mr. Crane, how 
 that man did suffer for a number o' year afore he died; 
 but he was the resignedest critter I ever did see 
 never grumbled a grain. Parson Potter used to say 
 't was to eddification to come to see him, and hear him 
 convarse. He felt wonderful bad about your bein' 
 gone to the westard, Mr. Crane. He used to frequent- 
 ly remark, that he'd giv more to see Mr. Crane than 
 ary individdyival he knowed on. He sot a great deal 
 by you and so did I by Miss Crane. "We both on 
 us felt as if we could n't be reconciled to your liyin 
 away off there it seemed as if we could n't have it so 
 no way. It's a dretful pity you went there, Mr. 
 Crane. Mabby if you had n't a went, yer pardner 
 would n't a died but what 's did ,an't be ondid, it 's 
 tdl for the best. I was turribly overcome when I 
 heerd o' her death fainted away, and 't was quite a 
 spell afore I come tew. That 's a bad clymit, Mr. 
 Crane it must be a bad clymit, or the eperdemic, and 
 fever ager would n't prevail so there. A few year afor 
 husband died, Tie had quite a notion to go to the west- 
 ard. He heerd how well you was a dewin' and then 
 there was Samson Bedott, his cousin (ha married Hep- 
 ey Gifford, you know), Tie. went some where to the west-
 
 MR. CRANE WALKS IN. 41 
 
 ard and after he'd ben there a spell, he writ my hus- 
 band a letter, urgin' of him to come out there, he said 
 to be sure the clymit was ruther tryin' at fast but then 
 after you 'd got used to 't, you 'd be ruggeder 'n ever 
 you was afore and it was such a wonderful kentry 
 for agricultifer to grow said 't wa'n't nigh so mount- 
 anious as the eastard the yomandery didn't have to 
 labor no wher nigh so hard as what they did here 
 just plant your perduce and that was the eend on 't 
 t would take care of itself till 'twas time to git it in. 
 Well, husband was quite fierce to go and if it had n't 
 a ben for me, he would a went, but I would n't hear 
 to 't at all. I says to him, says I, " 'T wont dew for 
 you to go there, no how Samson, himself, owns it 's 
 a tryin' clymit and if it 's tryin' for well hearty folks, 
 how do you 'spose you'd stan' it? you enjoy poor 
 enough health here, and if you was to go there you 'd 
 enjoy woss yet, what's agricultifer compared to 
 health ?" I was a great deal more consarned for hus- 
 band than what I was for myself, Mr. Crane be sure 
 it 's a woman's duty to feel so, but seems to me I felt 
 it oncommonly. And no wonder, for my husband 
 was a treshur. 1 Mr. Crane, when I lost him I lost 
 att. And that's what makes me feel to sympathize 
 with you as I dew, Mr. Crane. Our sittywations are 
 so much alike. I 'spose you Teel as if your loss 
 could n't never be made up to you, don't you ? That 's 
 jest how 1 felt. Now there's Major Coon, and Mr
 
 42 WIDOW BBDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 Gifford, and Squire Perce, and Cappen Canoot, and 
 old uncle Dawson (he's old but he's quite rich), why, 
 nary one o' them would n't a filled Deacon Bedott'a 
 place to me; 'T ain't for me to say they Ve all wanted 
 me ahem but s'posen they should, you know. 
 Whenever my friends begin to talk to me about 
 changin' my condition, I always tell 'em it 's a resh 
 and so 'tis Mr. Crane it 's a tumble resk to take a 
 second pardner without its an individdyival you 
 know 'd when you was young that makes a difference 
 't ain't so resky then. But after all, Mr. Crane it 'a 
 a try in' thing to be without a companion ain't it ? 
 And then there 's the responsibilitude and bringing 
 up the children widders complains most o' that. 
 But there 's a wonderful difference in folks about that. 
 Now 't wa'n't no great chore for me to bring up my 
 children. Parson Potter's wife fraquently used to 
 say (she had quite a large family, you know), she used 
 to say to me, "Miss Bedott I'd giv eny, most eny 
 thing if I had such a faculty for managin' children 
 as you Ve got, and for dewin' as well by 'em as what 
 you do." Ther is an amazin' difference in wimmin 
 now ther 's the widder Jinkins she 't was Poll Bing- 
 ham see you knowd Poll Bingham when she was 
 a gal, did n't you ? Very nice gal did you say 1 ! ! 
 Why Mr. Crane, how forgetful your memory is ! But 
 I don't know as she was so much woss than some other 
 gals I Ve knowd. A body can't tell what sort of a
 
 MR. CRANE WALKS IN. 43 
 
 vroman a gal will make afore she's married they 
 don't always show out, you know. But I make it a 
 pint never to say nothing against nobody and I am 
 sure I don't wish Miss Jinkins no harm for all she 'a 
 did so much to injure me. I was only gwine to speak 
 o' her way o' bringin' up her children. 'Tis astonish- 
 in' how that critter has managed with them young 
 ones ! She 's the miserablest hand I ever did see in 
 all my born days. "Why them little plagues was in 
 the streets from mornin' till night Bill and Sam a 
 swearin' and throwin' stuns and Alviry a racin' and 
 rompin' and botherin' the neighbors. They've got 
 bigger now and ain't quite so troublesome, though 
 they 're bad enough yet but that ain't to be wondered 
 at for Miss Jinkins has so much gaddin' to dew she 
 hain't no time to tend to her family. But if that was 
 all ther was against her 't would n't be so bad. How- 
 ever I don't want to talk about her truth ain't to 
 be spoken at all times you know but I will say I 
 should pity any decent man that got her for a wife 
 '-specially if he had children. Speakin' o' children 
 you must feel Miss Crane's loss dretfully in takin' care 
 o' yourn. It 's an awful task for a man to manage 
 gals, Mr. Crane and you 've got four on 'em 
 Mirandy and Seliny is purty well growd up but then 
 them tew little ones see what 's ther names ? O, 
 yes Liddy and Sary Ann. What purty little critters 
 they be though I noticed them in meetin' a Sabber-
 
 44 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 day Mr. Crane! when I looked at them poor little 
 darlin's a settin' there all in mournin' and thought 
 about their motherless sittywation I felt as if I 
 should a bust right out a cryin' ! I had to hold my 
 handkerchief afore my face. Mr. Crane ! I dew 
 feel for them children ! It 's so onfortinate to be left 
 without a mother ! jest at their age tew when they 
 have so much vivacitude and animosity, and need a 
 mother's care for to train 'em rightly. O Mr. Crane 1 
 it 's tumble ! tumble I What would Melissy a did if 
 it had a ben me that died instid of her par ? She 
 wa'n't but ten year old, just about the age o' them 
 little cherubims o' yourn. My husband was an on- 
 common gifted man and a wonderful kind father 
 but he would n't a did by Melissy as I have he 
 would n't a knowed how to expend her mind and de- 
 vilup her understandin' as I have but I Ve got a 
 natteral tack. Melissy 's a credit to me, Mr. Crane 
 tho' it 's me that says so, she 's -6ny most as good a 
 housekeeper as what I be, but 't ain't for me to boast 
 I've been indefategable in train' of her. I 'm sorry 
 she hain't to hum to-night she and Kier 's gone to 
 singin' school. Yes it's an onfortinate thing foi 
 gals to be left without a mother. It was dretful Miss 
 Crane 's bein' took away so sudding tew I feel so 
 distrest about your moloncolly sittywation I can'1 
 scarcely sleep o' nights. I Ve jest begun a piece o' 
 ooitry describim' you feelins. I '11 read you what I 'vc
 
 ME. CRANE WALKS IN. 45 
 
 got writ if you 're a mind to hear it, tho' it ain't only 
 jest begun. I call it 
 
 MB. CRANE'S LAMENTATIONS ON THE DEATH OF HIS 
 COMPANION. 
 
 Trypheny Crane ! Trypheny Crane ! 
 
 And shan't we never meet no more ? 
 My buzzom heaves with tumble pain 
 
 While I thy ontimely loss deplore. 
 
 I used to fraquently grumble at my fate 
 And be afeerd I was a gwine to suffer sorrer 
 
 But since you died my trouble is so great 
 I hain't got no occasion for to borrer. 
 
 The birds is singin' in the trees, 
 The flowers is blowin' on the plain, 
 
 But they hain't got no power to please 
 Without my dear Trypheny Crane. 
 
 ^ I can't submit to 't though I must, 
 
 It is a dretful blow, 
 My heart is ready for to bust 
 I shall give up I know. 
 
 And though ondoubtedly my loss 
 
 Is my dear pardner's gain, 
 I can't be reconciled, because 
 
 I've lost my Trypheny Crane. 
 
 When I git all writ I'll giv it to you if you want 
 it. I calkilate to have it considerable longer I al- 
 ways aim to have my poims long enough to pay folks 
 for the trouble o' readin of 'em. What ! must you 
 go ? Well dew come in agin come often I've been 
 quite gratified hearin of you talk you 've been away 
 so long. Now dew be neighborly and dew tell Mi
 
 46 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 randy and Seliny to come and see Melissy and Lid- 
 dy and Sary Ann dew let them come over. I'm 
 very fond o' children very indeed and I feel so 
 much for them are tew dear little motherless critters, 
 Well good night ; Mr. Crane!
 
 0f 
 
 /~^OOD evenin', Betsy (Mr. Crane's "help.") Is 
 Mr. Crane to hum ? Is he in the kitchen? in 
 the settin' room, hey ? Ain't very well ? why how 
 you talk ! Well, I want to see him a minnit, but I 
 guess I'll jest step in the kitchin fast and dry my feet. 
 I 'd no idee 'twas so sloppy or I 'd a wore my over- 
 shoes seems to me you 're got yer kitchen heated up 
 wonderful hot 0, stewin yer punkin, hey? I 've 
 been makin some pies to-day, tew. You must have a 
 purty hard time here, Betsy. Mr. Crane 's a fine man, 
 a v&ry fine man a very fine man, indeed but 'tain't 
 as if he had a wife now every thing comes on his 
 help, you see the gals is nice gals amazin' nice gals 
 but they hain't no experience never had no care you 
 know and 'tain't natral to s'pose they could take 
 right hold and dew, as soon as ther mar died. But it 
 sems ruther hard to see so much come onto a young 
 gal like you. On your account I wish Mr. Crane had 
 a wife, 't would be so much easier for you that is if 
 Ue got a good experienced woman o' biziness that
 
 48 WIDOW BEDOIT PAPERS. 
 
 had brung up a family of her own don't you think 
 so ? "Well, my feet's got purty well dry I guess I'll 
 step into the settin' room and see Mr. Crane I've got 
 an arrant tew him. How d' you dew, Mr. Crane ? 
 I'm dretful sorry to hear you ain't well, I wa'n't a 
 comin' in but Betsy said you was undisposed and I 
 was unwillin' to make you egspose yerself by comin' 
 to the door so I thought I 'd jest step in where you was 
 hope I don't intrude I jest run over to fetch that 
 are poitry I've ben writen for you I would a gin it 
 to yer darters they called in for Melissy to go to sing- 
 in' school but I was afeard they'd lose it afore they 
 got hum young gals is kerless, you know. Here 
 'tis 'tain't so long as I meant to have, arter all only 
 nine and forty varses but I 've had company sister 
 Magwire (she 'twas Melissy Poole, you know my 
 youngest sister, the one my Melissy was named arter) 
 she's ben to see me, and stayed a week, and when a 
 body has company it kind o' flustrates a body's idees, 
 you know. And then, tew, sister Magwire don't take 
 no interest in no such thing. She 's a very clever wo- 
 man, Melissy is, but she ain't a bit like me hain't no 
 genyus^ no more hain't sister Harrinton why they 
 don't nary one on 'em take no more sense o' poitry 
 than that are stove. If I had a let on to sister Mag- 
 wire what I was a writin', she 'd a tried to stop me 
 had to work at it o' nights arter she d went to bed 
 and that 's the reason why I hain't finished it afore.
 
 DISCOURSES OP PUMPKINS. 49 
 
 Sister Magwire's a smart woman, tew in her way but 
 it 'a a different kind o' smart from mine. I think her 
 bein' married to such a man has exarted an on fav- 
 orable attendency on her. Mr. Magwire 's a stiddy, 
 well-meanin' man and has got along amazin' pros- 
 perous in the world but he has dretful curus notions. 
 Why, when I writ that affectin' allegory to the memo- 
 ry o' my husband, as true as I live, Mr. Crane, broth- 
 er Magwire laffed about it right to my face ! said 
 'twas enough to make the deacon groan under ground 
 did you ever ! I felt dretful hurt about it, but I 
 never laid it up agin him, 'cause I know'd he dident 
 know no better. But I dew feel wonderful consarned 
 about yer health, Mr. Crane. What seems to be tho 
 matter with you ? Pain in yer chist ! O ! that 's tur- 
 rible! it always scares me to death to hear of any 
 body's havin' a pain in ther chist. "Why that very 
 thing was the beginnin' o' my husband's sickness, that 
 finally terminated in his expiration. It ought to be 
 tended tew right off, Mr. Crane, right off. When 
 husband fust had it, 'twant very bad, and he dident 
 pay no tention to 't next time 'twas rother woss, and 
 I wanted him to send for the doctor, but he wouldeut 
 he was always amazinly opposed to physicianers. 
 Well, the next time he was attacked 'twas dretful bad 
 he had to lay by still all I could dew I couldent 
 conduce him to have a doctor. Well it went on so 
 for three days. I done all I could for him, but it
 
 50 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 dident do a smite o' good he kept a gittin' woss and 
 woss, and the third day he was so distrest it did seem as 
 if every breath he draw'd would be the death on him. 
 Jest then old mother Pike come in she was quite a 
 doctor, you know and she said he must take skoke 
 berries and rum right off ther wa'n't nothin' like it 
 for pain in the chist she always kep it in the house 
 so she goes right hum and fetches over a bottle on't 
 and gin husband a wine glass full. She said he must 
 begin with a purty stiff dose, 'cause he'd let it run on 
 BO long arterward a gret spunful night and mornin' 
 would be enough. Well, 'tis astonishin' how soon 
 my husband experienced relief. Arter that he always 
 took it as long as he lived, and I dew believe it alleviated 
 his sufferings wonderfully yes I hain't a doubt but 
 what if he'd a took it afore his disorder was seated, that 
 man 'd a been alive and well to this day. But what's 
 did can't be ondid it's no use cryin' for spilt milk. 
 Now, Mr. Crane, I dew beseech you, as a friend, to 
 take skoke berries and rum afore it's tew late. Tem- 
 perance man, hey? So be I tew; and you don't 
 s'pose, dew you, Mr. Crane, that I'd advise you to take 
 any thing that would intosticate you ? I'd die afore 
 I'd dew it. I think tew much of my repertation and 
 yourn tew, to do such a thing. But it is the harmless' 
 est stuff a body can take. You see the skoke berries 
 counterects tke alkyhall in the rum, and annyliates 
 all its intosticatin' qualities. We jest put the rum on
 
 DISCOURSES ON PTJMTZINS. 61 
 
 to make it keep. You know skoke berries can't be 
 got in the winter time, so if you want to presarve 
 'em for winters, you 've got to put some sort o' sperits 
 tew 'em so 's they won't spyle. So don't you be none 
 afeard to take it, Mr. Crane. I'll send you some 
 when I go hum I always keeps it on hand and 
 you be faithful and take a great spunful night and 
 mornin' and if you ain't the better for't afore long 
 then I'm out o' my calkilation that's all. You must 
 feel yer loss oncommonly when you ain't well, Mr. 
 Crane. If ever a departed companion 's missed 
 seems to me it must be when the afflicted surviver's 
 sick 'specially if its a widiwer that's lost his wife. 
 How awful lonesome you must be here alone, when 
 the children 's in bed and the gals has gun off as I 
 s'pose they fraquently dew when evenin' comes and I 
 don't blame them for't as I know on its natural for 
 young folks to like to go. How dretful lonesome you 
 must be. Now some men wouldent mind it so much 
 they 'd go abroad and divart their minds but you 
 ain't a man to go to taverns and shops and such like 
 places to begwile the time yur Ve a man that 's above 
 such things, Mr. Crane and that 's what makes it so 
 aggrevative for you to be without a pardner. I went 
 into the kitchen to dry my feet as I came in and O, 
 Mr. Crane 1 I never did experience such moloncolly 
 sensations in my life as I did when I see how things 
 went on there 'twas plain to be seen ther want no
 
 52 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 head in the kitchenarj department, and when 'taint 
 well managed there I tell you what, Mr. Crane 
 't wont't be long afore it '11 be out o' kilter every where. 
 Now Betsey Pringle's a clever enough gal fur as I 
 know but she's young and onstiddy, and wants 
 lookin' tew every minit. She lived to Sam Fender- 
 grasses a spell and Miss Pendergrass told me how't 
 Betsey could dew but she wanted somebody to her 
 heels t' overlook her all the time she was such a 
 kerless critter said she couldent git along with her 
 no way. Now if Sam Pendergrasses wife couldent 
 stan' it with Betsey, it's a .mystery to me how tew 
 young gals like yourn is a gwine to git along with her. 
 They hain't never had no care, and 't ain't to be suspect- 
 ed they should know how to manage 't would be 
 cruel to require it on 'em. It needs an experienced 
 woman and one that takes an interest in things, to 
 keep house right. Ther was one thing hurt my feel- 
 ins amazinly when I was in the kitchen Betsey was 
 a stewin' punkins for pies I knowd in a minnit by 
 the smell, that the critter was a burnin on't up. I 
 dident say nothin thought mabby she 'd be put out 
 if I did, cause I ain't mistress here but I couldent 
 ekercely hold in. I '11 be bound, Mr. Crane, you won't 
 have a punkin pie fit t' eat all winter long and it 
 makes me feel bad to think on 't for I make gret ac- 
 count o' punkms in winter time don't you ? Speak- 
 in o' punkins reminds me of a trick Miss Jinking
 
 DISCOURSES OP PUMPKINS. 53 
 
 sarved me once (she' t was Poll Bingham) I never see 
 a Dunkin without thinkin' on 't and its tew good to 
 keep though I don't want to say nothin' to injure 
 Miss Jinkins. 'T was tew year ago this fall some- 
 how or other our punkins dident dew well that year. 
 Kier said he dident know whether the seed was poor, 
 or what 'twas any how, our punkins dident come to 
 nothin' at all had to make all my punkin pies out o 
 squashes and them ain't no wher nigh as good as pun- 
 kins. Well, one day I see Sam and Bill Jinkins go 
 by with a load o,' punkins so I says to Millissy, says 
 I, "I mean to jest run over and see if Miss Jinkins 
 won't let me have one o' her punkins," the sight on 
 'em fairly makes my mouth water. So I throws on 
 my shawl and goes over though I very seldom axed 
 any favors o' her notwithstandin' she was etarnally 
 borrerin' o' me why ther want scarcely a day past 
 but what she sent to borrer somethin or other a loaf 
 o' bread or a drawin' o' tea or a little molasses or a 
 .little sugar, or what not and what 's more she wa'nt 
 wonderful partickler about payin' and it's a sollem 
 fact the times that critter has had my bake pans and 
 my flats and my wash board, ain't to be numbered. I 
 make it a pint never to borrer when I can help it. 
 Ther is times to be sure when the best o' housekeep- 
 ers is put to 't and obleged to ax favors o' ther nabors 
 but as for borrerin' every day week in and week 
 out, as the widder Jinkins does ther ain't no need
 
 54 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS 
 
 on't -but she can't stay to hum long enough to keep 
 things in any kind o' decent order. But I was gwine 
 to tell how she sarved me about the punkin. Well 
 I goes over and I says, says I, " Miss Jinkins, I see 
 you 're a gittin' in yer punkins and I want to know 
 whether or no you can't spare me one ourn's failed, 
 you know." " Well," says she, " we hain't got more 
 'n enough for our own use but seem' it's pw, I guess I 
 will let you have one." So she went and fetched in 
 one quite a small one 't was. " What 's the price on T t 
 says I (I dident s'pose she 'd tak any thing, for I 'd gin 
 her a mess o' turnips a few days afore but I thought 
 Fd offer to pay). " What 's the price on 't ?" says I. 
 " nothin' at all," says she. " Lawful sakes !" says T, 
 " you don't s'pose I want to leg it, dew you ? I meant 
 to pay the money down." " You 'd look well," says 
 ehe, " a payin' for 't don't you s'pose I can afford to 
 giv away a punkin? purty story if I can't!" 
 " Well," says I, " thank you a thousand times- -you 
 must come in to-morrer arter I git my pies made and 
 help eat some." " Well, mabby I will," says she so 
 I takes my punkin and goes hum mighty pleased. 
 Well, next day Melissy and me we cut up the punkin 
 'twas dretful small and wonderful thin and when 
 I come to stew it my gracious ! how it did stew 
 away ! The fact is 'twas a miserable poor punkin 
 good punkins don't stew down to nothin' so. Milessy 
 she lookt into the pot and says she to me, says she.
 
 DISCOURSES OF PUMPKINS. 56 
 
 { Granf 'ther grievous ! why mar I'm afeard this ere 
 punkin's gwine to exasperate intirely, so ther won't be 
 nun left on't." Well sure enough arter 'twas sifted 
 as true as the world, Mr. Crane ther want more'n 
 a pint on't. " Why, mar," Milessy, says she " 't wont 
 make more'n <me gocd sized pie." "Never you fear," 
 says I " i '11 bet forty gret apples I '11 git three pies 
 out on 't any way." Some folks, you know, puts 
 eggs in punkii) pies, but accordin' to my way o' think- 
 in, tain't no addition. When I have plenty o' punkin 
 T never use 'em but Miss Jinkinses punkia turned 
 out o small, I see I shouldent have nun to speak on 
 without I put in eggs; so I takes my punkin arid I 
 stirs in my molasses, and my milk, and my eggs, and 
 my spices, and I fills three of my biggest pie-pans. 
 "There," says I to Melissy, "did n't I say I'd make 
 three pies, and hain't I did it?" "Yes," says she, 
 " but they're purty much all ingrejiences, and precious 
 little punkin." Well, we got 'em in the oven, and 
 jest as I was gwine to put in the last one, somebody 
 knockt at the door. Melissy was a handin' on 't to mo, 
 and she was ruther startled, you know, when she 
 heerd the knock, and she jerked away quite gadding, 
 and spilt about half the pie out. I wiped it up as 
 quick as I could, and Melissy she opened the door, 
 and lo and behold ! who should come in but the wid- 
 der Jinkins ! Arter she 'd sot a spell she says, Bays 
 she, " Well, Miss Bedott, how did you make out with
 
 66 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 yer pies ?" " O, very well," says I. " I 'd jest got 'em 
 in the oven when you come in." I thought, seein 1 she 
 gin me the punkin, I wouldent say nothin' about its 
 bein' such a miserable one. Mustent find fault in a 
 gift hosses mouth, you know. Well, when my pies 
 was done I takes 'em and sets 'em on the table. 
 " Them looks nice," says the widder, says she. " They 
 be nice," says I. I knowed they was nice, for they 
 had every thing in 'em to make 'em nice. So I took 
 the thin one that Melissy spilt over, and sot it in the 
 buttry winder to cool, so 's to give Miss Jinkins a piece. 
 I took that cause I knowd 't would cool sooner'n t' 
 others, on account of its bein' thinner. "Well, when 
 my pie was cool, I fetcht it out and sot it afore Miss 
 Jinkins, and I gin her a knife and a fork, and says I, 
 " Now help yerself, Miss Jinkins," and I tell you, the 
 way she helpt herself was a caution. Melissy lookt 
 as if she was ready to burst out laffin ; I was raly 
 afeard she would. Arter she 'd put in about half the 
 pie, she laid down her knife and fork, and says she, 
 " This ere pie ain't cool enough yet accordin' to my 
 way of thinkin' I never did fancy warm punkin pies." 
 So she riz up to go. " don't go, Miss Jinkins," says 
 T, " dew wait a spell and I'll set it out door it '11 cool 
 there in a few minnits you gin me the punkin and I 
 want you should have yer share o' the pie." "Mercy 
 on us !" says she, " I hope you don't spose I consider 
 a punkin such a mighty gret gift I was very glad ofl
 
 DISCOURSES OF PUMPKINS. 67 
 
 a chance t' obleege you but it J s time I was hum I 
 guess I won't mind about eaten any more o' that there 
 pie I never 'did fancy thin punkin pies these ere tew 'II 
 be as much as I want" And jest as true as I live 
 and breathe, the critter actilly took them tew pies and 
 sot 'em crossways one a top o' tother and marched 
 off with 'em ! When she got to the door she turned 
 round, and says she " Now Miss Bedott, whenever 
 you want any little favor, such as a punkin or any 
 thing else I've got that you hain't got don't scruple 
 to ask for 't it always affords me the greatest gratifica- 
 tion to dew a nabor a kindness." Arter she 'd gone, I 
 iookt at Melissy and Melissy lookt at me in a perfect 
 state o' dumfounderment! we was so bethunderstruck, 
 't was as much as five minnits I guess afore ary one of 
 us spoke a word. At last says Melissy says she, 
 ''Did you ever!" "No, never! never!" says I, and 
 then we sot up such a tremendous laff that Kier heerd 
 us (he was to work out door), and he came in to see 
 what was the matter, so I told him and good gra- 
 cious how he did roar ! I tell you, he hain't never let 
 me hear the last o' that punkin I don't know to this 
 day whether Miss Jinkins knowd I stewed up the hull 
 o' the punkin to once or not but I dew raly bleve if 
 she had a knowd it, 't we uldent a made a speck o' dif- 
 ference about her taken the pies, for she was always 
 ie very squintessence o' meanness. Land o' liberty! 
 Its nine o'clock I 'd ought to ben hum an hour ago 
 3*
 
 58 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 Now, Mr. Crane, I dew hope you '11 take care o' yerself 
 in season, and take my medicine I'll send Kier over 
 with it as soon as I get hum ana min'd you take a 
 gret spunful night and mornin' as long as you have 
 any pain in yer chist it 's a wonderful help to 't. And 
 dew be kerful about egsposin yerself to the cold air 
 don't go out without rappin' up warm remember the 
 equinoxical storms is a comin' on soon, and them's 
 dretful bad for invalidders. Mr. Crane, 't would be 
 an awful thing if you shoulgl be took away ! I can't 
 bear to think on't excuse my cryin', Mr. Crane I 
 can't help it I dew feel such an interest in yer family 
 and I hope you wont think I'm forrard, Mr. Crane 
 but I dew I dew I dew set a great deal by 
 you, Mr. Crane.
 
 VI. 
 
 f Jt (Ki&flto f 0m Jer m. 
 
 JITELISSY! Melissy! Melissy Bedott! Why, 
 what on arth 's come o' the critter ! I'm sure 
 she went up chamber a spell ago, to fix up, and I 
 ain't seen her come down sence. You set down, 
 gals, and I'll jest run up and see 'f she 's there. Why, 
 Melissy, what in natur do you mean by keepin' me a 
 yellin' all night ? Did anser, hey ? well, you 'd ought 
 to leave yer door open so's a body could hear you, 
 and not be obleeged to trot way up here arter you. 
 Come down, right off. Seliny, and Mirandy Crane's 
 down stairs they want you to go to the Phreenyogi- 
 cal lectur with 'em. Ther par 's a gwine, but he 's 
 bizzy and ain't ready yit, and he told 'em not to wait 
 for him, 'cause it might be late afore he fcould git 
 away. So they come arter us, 'cause they dident like 
 to go alone. Me gwine ? Why yes, to be sure why 
 shouldent I? I never heerd a phreenyogical lectur, 
 and I 've got considerable curosty to see what 'tis. 
 I '11 go put on my things. Melissy '11 be down in a 
 minit She insists on 't I shall go, tew, and I guess ]
 
 60 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 will I always thought I should like to hear one o' 
 them kind o' lecturs. (They enter the lecture room.) 
 Less go back side, as fur away from the stove as we 
 can git, it 's so awful hot here. What ! you afeard o' 
 the men folks, Mirandy ? I don't care if 'tis right 
 amongst the loafers and boys. I never see that man 
 yit, nor boy nother, 't I was afeard on. Gracious 
 sakes alive 1 dew look o' them dead folkses heads on 
 the table! What awful looking things they be! 
 Made o' plaster, hey ? Well, I 'm glad on 't shan't 
 feel so dizgusted lookin' at 'em as I should if they 
 was rael heads. What a curus lookin' critter that 
 lecturer is, ain't he ? How he has got his hair all 
 scraped up ! makes him look kind o' skairt. Name 's 
 Mr. Yanderbump, ain't it? Wonder if that are wo- 
 man without a bunnit on 's Miss Yanderbump ? What 
 an awful big head she 's got ! Her forrid 's all bare, 
 tew how it sticks out ! Sign of intellect ? Goody 
 grievous ! I wouldent care for that. If I had such a. 
 humbly face I 'd keep it kivered up, wouldent you ? 
 Dew see ! there comes Sam Pendergrasses wife, with 
 that everlastin' boy o' hern. She takes that young 
 one every where and he always acts like Sanko. I 
 guess she '11 find it purty warm there, right aside o' 
 the stove. Look, Seliny ! there 's Cappen Canoot 
 I '11 bet a cookey he called for me. Well, I 'm glad I 'd 
 come away afore he 'd got there. I don't want none 
 o' his company. I don't know what he expects to
 
 THE WIDOW LOSES HER BEAU. 6] 
 
 gain by stickin' round me so* I hain't never gin him 
 no incurridgement, and don't intend tew. Of all 
 things ! if there ain't Major Goon's wife, with that 
 flambergasted old icd hood o' hern onl Dew, for 
 pity's sake, see how sLe sails along. And then, there 
 comes the Major grinin' along behind her, as if she 
 was the eend o' the law. I s'pose if ever a man was 
 completely under his wife's thumb, Major Coon is. 
 But they say he thinks she 's clear perfection ; well, 
 it 's well ther 's somebody thinks so. Kier was tellin' a 
 speech old Green made about her t' other day. Old 
 Green's a musical old critter, you know ; well, he was 
 in Smith's store, and Kier was there, and Major Coon, 
 and ^ number of other men. The Major was a talkin' 
 about his wife you know how he 'a forever talkin' 
 about her well, he was a praisin' on her up, tellin' 
 how smart, and keen, and industrous she was, and all 
 that. Byrne by he went out, and says old Green, says 
 he, "The Major does think his wife 's the very dyvtt, 
 and so do I, tew" Old Green 'd no bizness to said it, 
 but when Kier told on 't, I couldent help laffin'. W ell 
 done ! If there ain't the widder Jinkins ! I wonder 
 if ever any thing goes on in "Wiggletown without that 
 woman's bein' on the spot ! I never did see any body 
 BO beset to go as she is. If I was her I would stay to 
 hum jest once, so 's to see how 't would seem would- 
 Bnt you ? 
 There I Mr. Vanderbump is agwine to begin I (The
 
 62 WILOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 lecturer expatiates on the wonderful science of Phre- 
 nology- -gives a history of the various specimens 
 points out the organs, etc., etc., and just as he concludes 
 this part of the performance, Mr. Crane enters.) Se- 
 liny I dew begin to feel ruther timniorsome settin' here 
 with all them rowdies behind us don't you? If we 
 had a gentleman with us I shouldent feel oneasy, 
 should you ? Ain't that yer par over yonder ? s'pose 
 you go ax him to come and set here long with us I 
 should feel safer [Selina goes and returns with hei 
 father, who sits down beside the widow.] Good eve- 
 nin', Mr. Crane ! I hope you won't take it amiss, my 
 sendin' for you to come and set over here, for I raly 
 felt as if I should fly away, with all those ere loafers 
 right behind us was afeard they 'd say something 
 sassy tew us. And then, tew, I was expectin' every 
 minit when old Canoot would be makin' a dive for 
 this quarter and I know'd he would n't if he see yon 
 here. 0, Mr. Crane, you can't imagine how I dew 
 dred that critter. I couldent bear the idee a' havin' 
 on him go hum with me to-night don't want t' incur- 
 ridge him. How do you feel this evenin', Mr. Crane ? 
 better 'n you did, hey ? well, I dew feel thankful for 't 
 Took them skoke berries and rum, did you ? Well, 
 that 's what helped you, depend on't but you 
 mustent git slack about takin' on 't stick tew it faith 
 Cully. Hadent you better take yer comforter off 
 yer neck till you go out? you won't be so likely
 
 THE WIDOW LOSES HER BEAtJ. 63 
 
 to ketch cole 1 . You 've got to be kerful very kerful, 
 Mr. Crane you. need somebody to see tew you all the 
 time and make you kerful, the gals is young and 
 thoughtless, and don't think on 't but that ain' FUT- 
 prisin'. I 'm sorry you wa'n't here sooner, Mr. Crane. 
 This 'ere phreenyology 's the curusest, thing I ever 
 did see. Did you ever see any thing to beat it how 
 he can tell an individiwars character so egxactly by 
 the looks o' their heads ? don't seom to me as if it 
 could be so does it to you ? I can't raclize I 've got 
 such a numerous number of organs in my bead can 
 you? 0, Mr. Crane; what a musical man you be! 
 you '11 make me die a laffin ! Seliny S jest hear what 
 your par says. I axed him if he could raelizc he had 
 BO many organs in his head anc* he said how't 
 t' other day when he had such a tumble cold ii> it, it 
 seemed is if there was organs, and fiddles, and drums, 
 and everything else in't did you ever? I wish 
 you 'd a ben here sooner, Mr. Crane, to hear Mr. Yan- 
 derbump's exparigate about them heads he gin a de 
 scription of the people they belonged tew and told 
 how ther characters was accordin' to ther heads 
 That are big head the one that runs up to such a 
 peak on top he says that 's Scott the celebrated au- 
 thor I s'pose it 's the one that writ " Scott's Com- 
 montaries " on the Scripters. He says it 's a wonder- 
 ful intillectible head : no doubt on 't husband sot a 
 e^ret deal by his Commentaries used to borrer 'em o'
 
 64: WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 parson Potter Mr. Scott must a' ben a smart man to 
 write 'em. That are small curus shaped one on the 
 corner that 's the head of an underwitted critter that 
 died in one o' the poor houses hain't got no intellec- 
 tible organs at all. That are skull that sets behind 
 Mr. Scott that 's Old Gribbs the pyrit, that was exte- 
 cuted a number o' years ago he was a turrible old 
 Tilling. Mr. Vaaderbump said that was old Gibb'a 
 skull positively bony fidy. That is it 's giniwine 
 bones the rest on 'em's made o' plaster. But that 
 are head that sets aside o' the commentater the one 
 that 's got such a langlin' under lip and flat forrid and 
 runs out to such a pint behind that 's old mother 
 O'Killem, the Irish woman that murdered so many 
 folks she was an awful critter. He said 't wa'n't to 
 be disputed thoagh, that she'd done a master sight o' 
 good to menkind he reckoned they ought to raise a 
 moniment tew her 'cause any body that lookt at her 
 head couldent persume no longer to doubt the truth o' 
 phreenyology. He told us to obsarve the shape on 't 
 perticlerly. You see the forrid 's dretful flat well, 
 that shows how 't the intellectible faculties is intirely 
 wantin'. But he dident call it forrid. He called it the 
 hoss fr&ntis. I n'pose that's 'cause its shaped more 
 like a QOSS than a human critter animal propensi- 
 tudes intirely predominates, you know. That 's what 
 makes it stick out so on the back side that's the 
 hosskindia I s'poso hoss frontis and hosshindis, you
 
 THE T7IPOW LOSES HER BEAU. C5 
 
 know. I felt oncomonly interested when lie was a 
 tellin' about her, 'cause I've read all about her in 
 " Horrid Murders " a book I Ve got it 's the inter- 
 estinest book I Ve read in all my life. It 's enough to 
 make yer hair stand on eend. I've ben over it I 
 guess half a dozen times and it seems interestiner 
 every time. Husband got it of a pedlar the year aforo 
 he died, and he used to take an amazin' deal o' com- 
 fort readin' on 't. Time and agin I Ve knowd that 
 man to lie awake half the night arter he 'd ben readin' 
 in " Horrid Murders." He was narvous, you know 
 I feel wonderfully attached to that book 'cause 't was 
 such a favorite o' husband's. Every thing 't was dear 
 to husband is dear to me Mr. Crane that 's one rea- 
 son why I set store by you he reckoned on you so 
 much. I '11 lend you that book Mr. Crane you 11 be 
 delighted with it. You can jest step in with me when 
 we go hum and I '11 let you take it. You 11 be 
 amazinly pleased with the account o' Miss O'Killem. 
 She murdered five husbands and a number of other in- 
 dividiwals, and it tells all how she killed'each one on 
 'em. Some she cut ther throats and some she burnt, 
 and some she chopped to pieces. 'tis awful interest- 
 in'. "What did you say,' Mr. Crane ? That gal with 
 such red cheeks settin' right by the table, do you mean 
 0, that is Kesier Winkle, she always contrives to get 
 a seat where she '11 be seen. She takes quite a notion 
 to Kier but I guess she '11 miss a figger there. Kier
 
 66 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPEKS. 
 
 Bedolfc ain't a feller to be drawd in by a purty faco 
 he wants something besides that tho' I never thought 
 she was so wonderful handsome, do you her cheeks 
 is red to be sure, but every body can have such a col 
 or if they want you understand, hey 1 tho' tain't for 
 me to say she paints, never standin' there is them that 
 says so. I 'm very glad Kier don't think o' havin' on 
 her I never did like the Winkles. Old Winkle 's a 
 hard old case, and they dew say Kesier 's considerable 
 like him. 
 
 There 1 I guess Miss Pendergrass has got roasted 
 out she 's a comin' this way with her admyrable boy 
 don't see what she wants to crowd in here for 
 should think she might find a seat somewhere else 
 shouldent you ? (Mr. Crane relinquishes his seat to 
 Mrs. Pendergrass and takes the one she left.) Good 
 evenin', Miss Pendergrass ! found yer sittivation rather 
 warm, hey ? Well / make it a pint never to change 
 my seat in meetins and lecturs and such places, when 
 other folks is obleeged to change theirn t' accommer- 
 date me. I think /can afford to be oncomfortable as 
 well as other folks can< hope Mr. Crane won't ketch 
 his death a cold when he goes out, on account o' bry- 
 lin' and stewin' there by the stove he ain't well at 
 alL O don't git up, Miss Pendergrass dew sit still 
 now you've got here. What a'curus consarn this 
 phreenyology is, ain't it ? What an age of improve- 
 ment we live in ! If any body M a told us onco
 
 THE WIDOW LOSES HER BEAU. 67 
 
 how't in a few year we'd be able to tell egzackly 
 what folks was by the shape o' ther heads we would- 
 ent a bleeved a word on't would we ? You remem- 
 ber readin' about old mother O'Killem, in that are 
 book I lent you, don't you ? Well, he 's mistaken 
 about one thing relatin' to her. He says she killed 
 the niggar wer.ch by choppin' off her head now 
 t wa'n't so she stomped on her I remember just 
 how 't was, don't you ? Ain't his wife a tumble hum 
 bly woman ? Her head looks jist like a punMn', and 
 tisen looks like a cheese, don't it? You gwine to 
 Lear her lectur to the ladies to-morrer ? Guess /shall 
 if it *s as interestin' a lectur as hisen, it '11 be worth 
 hearin' though I don't think much o' these here 
 wimmin lecturers, no way the best place for wmi- 
 min 's to hum a mindin' taeir own bizness, accordin' 
 to my notions. You remember that one that come 
 round a spell ago, a whalin' away about human rights. 
 I thought she 'd ought to be hoss-whipt and shot up 
 in jail, dident you? Dew, for pity's sake, look at 
 Major Coon's wife a blowin' herself with her pocket- 
 handkercher ! Did you see her when she come in? 
 Dident she cut a spludge, tho' ? I never did see such 
 an affected critter as she is in all my born days. "When 
 you see any body put on such airs as she does, you may 
 be sure they was raised up out o' the dirt. They 're 
 what Kier calls "the mud aristocrasy." She gwine 
 to have a party Thursday evenin' ? How you talk !
 
 68 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 how did you hear ? told you herself, hey ? Is she 
 gwine to have married folks and young folks both ? 
 Well, them 's the right kind o' parties enough sight 
 pleasanter 'n where they 're all married folks or all 
 voung folks don't you think so ? Well, I should 
 think she'd have a party hain't never gin a reglar 
 smasher yit and they 're able to dew it. It's pleasant 
 to git a body's friends and nabors together has an 
 attendancy to permote sociabilitude. I always thought 
 Miss Coon was a nice woman. Folks has a p^ood deal 
 to say about her, cause she was a hired gal when ste 
 was young -but I never thought 'twas ary thing 
 against her Miss Jinkins used to run her down dret- 
 fdly afore they got to be so intimit and whenever 
 she used to begin a slanderin' Miss Coon afore me, I 
 always made it a pint to Stan' up for her. I 've some- 
 times thought she was rufher affected hain't you ? 
 but then you know it 's natral for some folks to be 
 affected I hope Mr. Crane's settin' with rao to-night 
 won't make any talk. I shouldent wonder tho' if it 
 should it don't take nothin' to make a story in Wig" 
 gletown but I couldent git up and go off, you know 
 when he come and sot down by me 1 ; wouldent a ben 
 perlite s'pose you 're heerd he 'd called t' our house 
 a number o' times ? Hain't ? well that 's curus it 's 
 all over town. I wish folks wouldent be gitten' up 
 such reports about me. Mr. Crane 's a fine man a 
 very fine man but if folks thinks I've any idee o'
 
 THE WIDOW LOSES HER BEAU. 69 
 
 changin' my condition at present, they 're mistaken 
 I hain't begun to think about no such thing yit. 1 
 think it 's a pity if Mr. Crane can't call t' our house 
 once in a while, without the hull naborhood bein'. in 
 a blaze about it I eny most hope he won't see me 
 hum to-night cause that would make folks say 't was 
 a gone case with us sartin sure. I see Kier come in 
 a spell ago hope he Ti go with me though I s'pose 
 he 's come a purpose to go hum with some o' the gals. 
 There ! the lectur's out Seliny, wait a minnit till the 
 crowd gits along I don't want to be squashed to 
 death look; Miss Pendergrass ! dew see the widder 
 Jinking a squeezin' up along side o' Mr. Crane did 
 you ever ! if that ain't rich I I guess if she thinks 
 she 's a gwine to ketch him she 's mistaken. As true 
 as the world she 's look his arm, and he 's a gwine 
 hum with her I "Well I '11 bet forty great apples she 
 axed him tew. [The young ladies have beaux, and 
 Kier very dutifully escorts his mother home,/zwi as 
 she hoped he would]
 
 YIL 
 
 Ilr. Con* afraut t0 f 
 
 TEST in time, Mr. Crane we Ve jest this minnit 
 sot down to tea draw up a cheer and set by 
 now don't say a word I shan't take no for an answer. 
 Should a had things ruther different to be sure, if I 'd 
 suspected you, Mr. Crane but I won't appollygise 
 appolligies don't never make nothin' no better, you 
 know. Why, Melissy, you hain't half sot the table. 
 Where 's the plum sass ? thought you was a gwine to 
 git some on 't for tea. I don't see no cake nother, 
 what a kerless gal you be ? Dew bring 'eni on quick 
 and Melissy, dear, fetch out one o' them are punkin 
 pies and put it a warmin'. How do you take yer tea, 
 Mr. Crane? clear, hey? how much that makes me 
 think o' husband ! he always drunk hisen clear. Now 
 dew make yerself to hum, Mr. Crane help yerself to 
 things. Do you eat johnny cake ? 'cause if you don't 
 I '11 cut some wheat bread dew hey? we 're all gret 
 hands for injin bread here, 'specially Kier. If I don't 
 make a johnny cake every few days, he says to me, 
 eays he, " Mar, why don't you make some injin bread?
 
 MB CBANB ABOvC xO PKOFOSE 71 
 
 it seems as if we hadent never had none." Melissy 
 pass the cheeze. Kier, see 't Mr. Crane has butter 
 This ere butter 's a leetle grain frowy. I don't want 
 you to think it 's my make, for J t ain't Sam Fender- 
 grasses wife (she 'twas Sally Smith) she boirered but- 
 ter o' me 'tother day, and this 'ere 's wtat she sent 
 back. I wouldent a had it on if I 'd suspected com- 
 pany. How do you feel to-day, Mr. Crane ? Dident 
 take no cold last night ? well, I 'm glad on 't, I was 
 raly afeared you would, the lectur room was so tum- 
 ble hot I was eny most roasted, and I wa'n't drest 
 wonderful warm nother, had on my green silk man- 
 killer and that ain't very thick. Take a pickle, Mr. 
 Crane I 'm glad you 're a favorite o' pickles. I think 
 pickles is a delightful beveridge don't feel as if I 
 could make out a meal without 'em once in a while 
 I go a .visitin' where they don't have none on the 
 table and when I git hum the fust thing I dew 's to 
 dive for the buttry and git a pickle. But husband 
 couldent eat 'ern they was like pizen tew him. Me- 
 lissy never eats 'em nother she ain't no pickle hand 
 Some gals eats pickles to make 'em grow poor, but 
 Melissy hain't no such foolish notions. I 've bruug 
 her up so she sliouldent have. "Why I 've heerd o' 
 gals drinkin' vinegar to thin 'em off and make ther 
 shin delekit. They say Kesier Winkle why Eaer, 
 what be you pokin* the sass at Mr. Crane for ? Melissy 
 jest helped him. T heered Carline Gallup say how 't
 
 72 V7I1>OW B3DOTT PAPERS. 
 
 Kesier Winkle why Kier what dew you mean by 
 offerin' ihe cold pork to Mr. Crane ? jest as if he 
 wanted pork for his tea ! you see Kier 's ben over to 
 the Holler to day on bizness with old uncle Dawson, 
 and he some num with quite an appertite says to 
 me. says he " Mar, dew set on some cold pork and 
 taters, for I 'm as hungry as a bear." Lemme fill up 
 yer cup, Mr. Crane. Melissy, bring on that are pie, 1 
 guess it's warm by this time. There! I don't think 
 any body 'd say that punkin was burnt a stewin'. 
 Take another pickle, Mr. Crane. 0, 1 was a gwine to 
 tell what Carline Gallup said about Kesier Winkle, 
 Carline Gallup was a manty maker what, Kierr 
 rather apt to talk ? well, I know she was but then 
 she used to be sowin' 't old Winkle's about half the 
 time, and she know'd purty well what went on there 
 yes I know sowin' gals is ginerally tattlers. It 's a 
 tumble bad trait in any body 'specially in them 
 they hain't no bizness to go round from house to 
 house a tellin' what guz on among folks that finds 
 'em ther bread and butter. I never incurridge 'em in 
 it. When I have manty makers to work for me as 
 sure as they undertake to insiniwate any thing aginst 
 any o' my nabors I tell ye, I shet 'em up quicker 
 but I was gwine to tell what Carline Gallup said 
 Carline was a very stiddy gal she was married about 
 a year ago married Jo Bennet Philander Bennet's 
 son you remember Phil Bennet, don't you, Mr
 
 ME. CKANE ABOUT TO PROPOSE. 78 
 
 Crane ? he 't was killed so sudding over to Gander- 
 field? Though come to think, it must a ben arter 
 you went away from here. He 'd moved over to 
 Ganderfield the spring afore he was killed. Well, one 
 day in hayin'-time he was to work in the hay -field 
 take another piece o' pie, Mr. Crane dew I insist 
 on 't. Well, he was to work in the hay-field, and he 
 fell off the hay -stack. I s'pose 't wouldent a killed 
 him if it hadent a ben for his comin' kersmash onto a 
 jug that was a settin' on the ground aside o' the stack. 
 The spine of his back went right onto the jug and 
 broke it firoke his back, I mean not the jug that 
 wa'n't even cracked curus! wa'n't it? 'Twas quite 
 a comfort to Miss Bennet in her affliction 't was a jug 
 she vallyed one 't was her mother's. His bein' killed 
 so was ^ tumble blow to Miss Bennet, the circum- 
 stances was so aggravatin'. I writ a piece o' poitry 
 on the occasion and sent it tew her ; she said 't was 
 quite oonsolin'. It says: 
 
 O Ganderfield I 
 
 Where is thy shield 
 To guard against grim Death f 
 
 He aims his gun 
 
 At old and young, 
 And fires away their breath I 
 
 One summer's day 
 
 For to 'tend tew his hay, 
 Mr. Bennet went to the medder 
 
 Fell down from the stack 
 
 Broke the spine of his back, 
 And left a mournin' widdor 1 
 4
 
 74 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 : T was occasioned by his landin' 
 On a jug that was standin' 
 .Alongside o' the stack o' hay 
 
 Some folks say 'twas what was in it 
 Caused the fall of Mr. Beunet, 
 But ther ain't a word of truth in what they say 
 
 'Tuas true, though, and I know'd it, but of course 1 
 wouldent a had Miss Bennet s'pose I did for ail crea- 
 tion. She sticks to 't to this day 't was molasses and 
 water 't was in the jug. That 's a likely story ! 
 Why ! 't was a common report for better 'n a year 
 afore he was killed, that Phil Bennet was a gittin on- 
 steady, but I never let Miss Bennet know 't I had any 
 such idee. She and me was always quite intimit. 
 She was Lorainy Perce, old Peter Perce's darter ; you 
 know I sot a gret deal by Lorainy. She took it purty 
 hard when her husband was killed; she went into 
 awful deep mournin' mournin' was becomin' tew her, 
 she was a dark complected woman ; and she wa'n't 
 satisfied with wearin' mournin herself, 't wa'n't enough, 
 she even put black caliker bed-kivers onto her- bed. 
 I remember she had a black canton crape gowni all 
 trimmed with crape ; but she dident wear her mourn- 
 in' long, for she got married agin in about three 
 months married a man by the name o' Higgins 
 carpenter and jiner by trade: got acquainted with 
 him over in Yarmount, when she was there a visitin' 
 tew her sister's quite a forehanded man. But I was 
 a sayin' that poitry where had I got tew! 01 I 
 know:
 
 MB CRANE ABOUT TO PROPOSE. 75 
 
 How folks can slander 
 Such a man as Philander 
 Bennet 's a mystery to me 
 
 Less see what comes next? 
 
 a mystery to me 
 
 a mystary to me 
 
 Plague on 't ! what 's the reason I can't remember it? 
 
 Such a man as Philander 
 Bennet 's a mystery to me 
 
 Well I dew declare ! 'tis curus how that 's slipt out 
 o' my mind ; dew lemme see 'f I can't ketch it 
 
 How folks can slander 
 Such a man as Philander 
 
 Bennet 's a mystery to me 
 
 a mystery to me 
 to me 
 
 Well I '11 give it up I've forgot itthat's a settled 
 pint. It 's queer, tew it 's the fust time I ever dis- 
 remembered any o' my poitry but it can't be helped 
 mabby it '11 come tew me some time. If it does, 
 1 11 write it down and show it to you, Mr. Crane I 
 know you 'd be pleased with it. Take another cup o' 
 tea, Mr. Crane. Why ! you don't mean to say you Ve 
 got done supper! ain't you gwine to take nothin' 
 more ? no more o' the pie ? nor the sass ? well, won't 
 you have another pickle? 0, that reminds me I 
 was a gwine to tell what Carline Gallup said about
 
 76 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS 
 
 Kesier Winkle. Why, Kier seems to me you ain't 
 very perlite to leave the table afore any body else 
 does. O, yes, I remember now, it's singin'-school 
 night I s'pose it 's time you was ofi^ Melissy you 
 want to go tew don't you ? well, I guess Mr. Crane '11 
 excuse you. We '11 jest see the table back agin the 
 wall I won't dew the dishes jest now. Me and Me- 
 lissy does the work ourselves, Mr. Crane. I hain't 
 kept no gal sence Melissy was big enough t 1 aid and 
 assist me I think help 's more plague than profit. 
 No woman that has grow'd up darters needent keep 
 help if she 's brung up her gals as she 'd ought tew. 
 Melissy, dear, put on yer cloak, it's a purty tejus 
 evenin'. Kier, you tie up yer throat, you know you 
 was complainin' of a soreness in 't to-day and you 
 must be kerful to tie it up when you come hum it 's 
 dangerous t' egspose yerself arter singin' apt to give 
 a body the browncritters and that 's farrible you 
 couldent sing any more if you should git that, you 
 know. You'd oetter call for Mirandy and. Seliny, 
 naient you? Don't be out late. 
 
 Now, Mr. Crane, draw up to the stove you must 
 be chilly off there. You gwine to the party to Major 
 Coon's day after to-morrow ? S'pose they '11 give out 
 ther invitations to-morrow. Dew go, Mr. Crane, it 'U 
 chirk you up and dew you good to go out into socierty 
 agin. They say it's to be quite numerous. But I 
 guess ther won't be no dancin' nor highty tighty
 
 MR CRANE ABOUT TO PROPOSE. 77 
 
 dewins. If I thought ther v, ould, I shouldent go my 
 self, for I don't approve on 'era, and couldent counte- 
 nance 'em. What do you think Sam Pendergrasses 
 wife told me ? she said how 't the widder Jinkins (she 
 't was Poll Bingham) is a havin' a new gownd made a 
 purpose to wear to the party one o' these 'ere flam- 
 bergasted, blazin' plaid consarns with tew awful 
 wide kaiterin flounces round the skirt! Did you 
 ever ! How reedickilous for a woman o' her age, ain't 
 it ? I s'pose she expects t' astonish the natyves, and 
 make her market tew, like enough well, she 's to be 
 pitied. 0, Mr. Crane I I thought I should go off last 
 night when I see that old critter squeeze up and hook 
 onto you. How tumble imperdent wa'n't it ? But 
 seems to me, I shouldent a felt as if I was obleeged 
 to went hum with her ii I 'd a ben in your place, Mr. 
 Crane, She made a purty speech about me to the 
 lectur I'm a'most ashamed to tell you on 't, Mr. 
 Crane but it shows what the critter is Kier said he 
 heered her stretch her neck acrost and whisper to old 
 Green, " Mr. Green, don't you think the Widder Be- 
 dott seems to be wonderfully took up with craniolcgy. 
 She 's the brazin-facedest critter t' ever lived it does 
 leal- all I never did see her equill but IT taken all 
 sorts c' folks to make up the world you know. Wiiai 
 did I understand you to say, Mr. Crane? a few 
 minnits conversation with me? deary me ! Is it any 
 thing pertickeler, Mr. Crane I O, dear suz I how you
 
 T8 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPEBS. 
 
 dew flustrate me ! not that it 's any thing oncommon 
 for the gentlemen to ax to have privite conversations 
 with me you know but then but then bein' you 
 it 's different circumstances alters cases you know 
 what was you a gwine to say, Mr. Crano ?
 
 vm. 
 
 .glr. Crane Malfts tit 
 
 NO, Mr. Crane, by no manner o' means, 't ain't a 
 minnit tew soon for you to begin to talk about 
 gittin' married agin. I am amazed you should be 
 afeerd I 'd think so. See how long 's Miss Crane ben 
 dead? Six months! land o' Groshen! why I've 
 know'd a number of individdiwals get married in less 
 time than that. There 's Phil Bennett's widder t' I 
 was a talkin' about jest now she 't was Louisy Perce 
 her husband hadent been dead but three months, 
 you know. I don't think it looks well for a woman 
 to be in such a hurry but for a man it 's a different 
 thing circumstances alters cases, you know. And 
 then, sittiwated as you be, Mr. Crane, it 's a tumble 
 thing for your family to be without a head to superin- 
 tend the domestic consarns and tend to the children 
 to say nothin' o' yerself, Mr. Crane. You dew need a 
 companion, and no mistake. Six months I Good 
 grievous! Why Squire Titus dident wait but six 
 weeks arter he buried his fust wife afore he married 
 bis second, I thought ther wa'n't no partickler need
 
 80 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 o' his hurry in' so, seem' his family was all grow'd up 
 Such a critter as he pickt out, tew ! 't was very on 
 suitable but every man to his taste I hain't no dis- 
 persition to meddle with nobody's consarns. There 's 
 old farmer Dawson, tew his pardner hain't ben dead 
 but ten months. To be sure he ain't married yet 
 but he would a ben long enough ago if somebody I 
 know on 'd gin him any incurridgement. But tain't 
 for me to speak o' that matter. He 's a clever old 
 critter and as rich as a Jew but lawful sakes ! he 's 
 old enough to be my father. And there 's Mr. Smith 
 Jubiter Smith you know him, Mr. Crane his wife 
 (she 't was Aurory Pike) she died last summer, and 
 he 's ben squintin' round among the wimmin ever 
 since, and he may squint 'for all the good it '11 dew 
 him as far as I 'm consarned tho' Mr. Smith's a re- 
 spectable man quite young and hain't no family 
 very well off tew, and quite intellectible but I tell yo 
 what I 'm purty partickler. 0, Mr. Crane ! it 's ten 
 year come Jinniwary since I witnessed the expiration 
 o' my belovid companion ! an oncocimon long tiiao 
 to wait, to be sure but 't ain't easy to find any body 
 to fill the place o' Hezekier Redott. I think you 're 
 the most like husband of ary individdiwal I ever see, 
 Mr. Crane. Six months! murderation ! curua you 
 should be afeard I 'd think 't was tew soon why I Ve 
 know'd " 
 Mr. Crane, " Well widder I Ve been thinking
 
 MR. CRANE WALKS OUT. 81 
 
 about taking another companion and I thought I 'd 
 ask you " 
 
 Widow. " 0, Mr. Crane, egscuse my commotion- 
 it 's so onexpected. Jest hand me that are bottle o? 
 camfire oft the mantletry shelf I'm ruther faint- 
 dew put a little mite on my handkercher and hold it 
 to my nuz. There that 11 dew I 'm obleeged tew 
 ye n ow I 'm ruther more composed you may per- 
 ceed, Mr. Crane." 
 
 Mr. Crane. ""Well widder, I was agoing to ask 
 you whether wnether " 
 
 Widow. "Continner, Mr. Crane dew I know 
 it 's tumble embarrisin*. I remember when my de- 
 zeased husband made his suppositions to me, he stam- 
 mered and stuttered, and was so awfully flustered it 
 did seem as if he 'd never git it out in the world, and 
 I s'pose it 's ginerally the case, at least it has been with 
 all them that 's made suppositions to me you see 
 they 're ginerally oncerting about what kind of an an- 
 ser they 're agwine to git, and it kind o' makes 'em 
 narvous. But when an individdiwal has reason to 
 s'pose his attachment 's reciperated, I don't see 
 what need there is o' his bein' flustrated tho' I must 
 say it 's quite embarrassin' to me pray continner." 
 
 Mr. C." Well then, 1 want to know if you 're will- 
 ing I should have MeHssy ?" 
 
 Wtifow. " The dragon !' 
 
 Mr G " I hain't said any thing to her about it yet 
 
 41*
 
 82 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 thought the proper way was to get your consent 
 first. I remember when I courted Trypheny we were 
 engaged some time before mother Kenipe knew any 
 thing about it, and when she found it out she was 
 quite put out because I dident go to her first. So 
 when I made up my mind about Melissy, thinks me, 
 I '11 dew it right this time and speak to the old woman 
 first 
 
 Widow. " Old woman, hey ! that 's a purty name 
 to call me ! amazin' perlite tew ! Want Melissy, hey ! 
 Tribbleation ! gracious sakes alive ! well, I '11 give it 
 up now 1 I always know'd you was a simpleton, Tim 
 Crane, but I must confess I dident think you was quite 
 so big a fool want Melissy, dew ye ? If that don't 
 beat all ! What an everlastin' old calf you must be 
 to s'pose she 'd look at you. Why, you 're old enough 
 to be her father, and more tew Melissy ain't only in 
 her twenty-oneth year What a reedickilous idee for 
 a man o' your age ! as gray as a rat tew 1 I wonder 
 what this world is a comin' tew : 7 t is astonishin' what 
 fools old widdiwers will make o' themselves! Have 
 Helissy! Melissy!" 
 
 Mr. 0. " Why, widder, you surprise me I 'd no 
 idee of being treated in this way after you 'd ben so 
 polite to me, and made such a fuss over me and the 
 girls." 
 
 Widow. " Shet yer head, Tiin Crane nun o' yer 
 sa ss to me. There 's yer hat on that are table, and
 
 Shet yer head, Tim Crane nun o' yer sass to me. TVwe's yer hat, on that are table, 
 and here's the door, and the sooner you put on one, ami march out o' t'other, the 
 batter Vll be for you. PAQR 83.
 
 ME. CRANE WALKS OUT. 83 
 
 f iere 's the door and the sooner you put on one and 
 march out o' t' other, the better it '11 be for you. And 
 I advise you afore you try to git married agin, to go 
 out west and see 'f yer wife's cold' and arter ye 're 
 satisfied on that pint, jest put a little lampblack on 
 yer hair 't would add to yer appearance ondoubtediy 
 and be of sarvice tew you when you want to flourish 
 round among the gals and when ye Ve got yer hah 1 
 fixt, jest splinter the spine o' yer back 't wouldent 
 hurt yer looks a mite you 'd be interely unresistable 
 if you was a leeile grain straiter." 
 
 Mr. G. "Well, I never!" 
 
 Widow. "Hold yer tongue you consarned old 
 coot you I tell ye there 's yer hat and there 's the door 
 be off with yerself, quick metre, or I '11 give ye a 
 hyst with the broomstick." 
 
 Mr. <?. "Gimmenil" 
 
 Widow, rising. " Git out, I say I ain't a gwine to 
 Stan here and be insulted under my own ruff and so 
 git along and if ever you darken my door agin, 
 or say a word to Melissy, it '11 be the woss for you 
 that 'sail" 
 
 Mr. C." Treemenjous ! What a buster I" 
 
 Widow. " (to 'long go 'long go 'long, you ever- 
 lastin' old gum. I won't liear another word (stops 
 her ears), I won't, I won't, I won't." 
 
 [Exit Mr. Crane.
 
 * WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 (Enier Melissa, accompanied by Captain Canoot") 
 "Good evenin', cappen 1 Well, Melissy, hum at 
 last, hey ? why dident you stay till mornin' ? purty 
 bizress keepin' me up here so late waitin' for you 
 wnen I 'm er\y most tired to death iornin' and workin' 
 like a slave all day ; ought to ben abed an hour ago. 
 Thought ye left me with agreeable company, hey? I 
 should like to know what arthly reason you had to 
 e'pose old Cjane's was agreeable to me? I always 
 disposed the critter always thought he was a tumble 
 fool and now T 'm convinced on 't. I 'm completely 
 dizgusted with him and I let him know it to-night. 
 I gin him a piece o' my mind 't I guess he '11 be apt to 
 remember for a spell. I ruther think he went off with 
 a flea in his ear. Why, cappen did ye ever hear o' 
 such a piece of audacity in all yer born days ? for 
 him Tim Crane to durst to expire to my hand the 
 widder o' deacon Bedott ! jest as if Pd condescen to 
 look at him the old numskull ! He don't know B 
 from broomstick ; but if he 'd a stayed much longer 
 I 'd a teacht him the difference, I guess. He 's got his 
 walkirf ticlcet now I hope he '11 lemme alone in futur. 
 And where 's Kier ? Gun home with the Cranes, hey I 
 well, I gi.ess it 's the last time. And now, Melissy 
 Bedott, you ain't to have nothin' more to dew with 
 them gals d 'ye hear? you ain't to sociate with 'em at 
 all arter this 't would only be incurridgin th' old man 
 to come a pesterin me agin and I won't have him
 
 MB. CKANE WALKS OUT. 85 
 
 found d'ye hear? Don't be in a hurry, cappen 
 and don't be alarmed at my gitten' in such passion 
 about old Crane's persumption. Mabby you think 
 't was onfeelin in me to use him so and I don't say 
 but what 't was ruther, but then he 's so awful dizagree- 
 able tew me, you know 't ain't every body I 'd treat in 
 euch a way. "Well, if you must go, good evenin' 1 
 Give my love to Hanner when you write agin dow 
 call frequently, Cappen Canoot, dew."
 
 IX. 
 
 TVTELISSY ! ain't that old uncle Dawson a drivin' 
 up to Smith's store ? Well, I thought so I've 
 seen him round considerable lately ben suspectin' 
 every day he 'd be callin' in here hain't called sence 
 his wife died. I met him tother day and axed him 
 why he dident come said he 'd ben very bizzy, but 
 he 'd try to call afore long so I guess he 's comin' to- 
 day, he 's so spruced up. He 's got on a new over- 
 coat, hain't he ? that 's the reason I dident know him 
 at fust. Melissy ! spring tew and finish pleetin' on 
 that are cap border, I want to put it on, this ere 's so 
 dirty I should be ashamed to be ketcht in 't. I want 
 you should set the border furder back, and the bow 
 a leetle higher up than they be on this ere, so 's my face 
 won't look so narrer, it makes a body look old to have 
 uch a phizmahogany. Here's the ribbin ; come, be spry, 
 expect every minnit to see him come out o' the store. 
 You needent sew it wonderful tight, jest pin them 
 bows on, don't stop to sew em that '11 dew. Guess 
 I '11 put on my ally packer gownd, wouldent ye? it J s
 
 THE WIDOW "SETS HER CAP." 87 
 
 more becomin' than arj other gownd I' ve got. Hold 
 your tongue Melissy what bizness is it o' yourn if I 
 dew set my cap for old Dawson ? He 's rich as mud 
 and hain't a chick nor child to leave his fortin' tew. 
 Univarsaler ? I don't bleve a word on 't he goes to 
 meetin' quite stiddy lately. I don't care if he is, a 
 Uni versa! er nother, there's good folks in all denomi- 
 nations pin down my collar quick he 's enough 
 eight better 'n old Crane is with all his sanctimony. 
 Don't you think it 's an improvement settin' the bows 
 higher up ? I tell you what, Melissy Bedott, I should 
 like a chance to ride over the heads o' some o' these 
 ere folks that feel so mighty grand, shouldent you ? 
 you shouldent, hey ? Well, I spoze ye wouldent you'd 
 jest as leve be put down and trod upon as not you 're 
 jest like yer father, he hadent no more sperrit than an 
 old gooss and you hain't nother. For my part I 'd 
 like to be able to show Miss Coon 't I 'm as good as 
 she is and a leetle grain better, neverstandin' she 
 dident invite me to her party, the miserable, low-lifed 
 critter ! shall always be glad I dident let v'ou go 
 spoze I couldent prevented Kier's gwine if he 'd a felt 
 able shall always be glad he had such a turrible cold 
 he couldent go. There comes Mr. Dawson ! he 's 
 gittin' in his cutter. Why! as true as natur he's 
 druv up street ! wonder where he 's gwine ! You jest 
 go to the door and see where he stops folks '11 talk 
 if I go, every body's a watchin' me. Well, where did
 
 88 WIDOW BEDOTT PA P E R 3 
 
 he go ? To widder Jiukinses ! I laud o' liberty ! well 
 I '11 give it up now ! I '11 bet a cookey she called him 
 in, 'twold be egzackly like her. Well, peein' I'm 
 drest, I '11 just run in to Sam Pendergrasses. I want 
 to see Miss Pendergrass I '11 take my knittin', for 
 mabby I shant be hum to tea. If I should stay there 
 to tea don't you and Kier be a lettin' into the plum 
 BOSS and cake, as you did 't other day when I went to 
 Deacon Knipe's. Git some o' them are cold beans in 
 the cubberd, and the bread 't was left at dinner, there's 
 enough on 't, don't cut no more ye won't want no 
 butter if ye have beans. And if Mr. Dawson calls, 
 you come arter me, d 'ye hear ? (On her return in the 
 evening she finds Mr. Jupiter Smith visiting Melissa.) 
 How dew you do, Mr. Smith ? Ben here long ? I 'm 
 sorry I was out when you came glad you stayed 'till 
 I got back tho'. When did you git home from Yar- 
 mount? To-day, hey I How did you find your 
 parents? So you mist that are all-killin' genteel 
 party last night ? Well, I guess you dident lose much 
 't ain't no credit to nobody to go to such a place. 
 Sam Pendergrasses wife 's ben a tellin' me about it, 
 she was there, and of all the strains ever I heerd on I 
 should think that was the cap sheef. Why wa'n't 
 I there? 'caise I don't sociate with such company as 
 the Coons, I wa'n't invited, to be sure she 'd as soon 
 a thought of invltin' the governor as me. I should- 
 ent a went a step if had a ben invited why, Miss
 
 THE WIDOW "SFTS H2E > P ." 89 
 
 Coon used to be a lured gal in her young days! and 
 now sence she 's got a hyst in the world, shs tries to 
 cut a^pludge and make folks think she s a lady 
 but any body that 's used to good company, can see 
 in a minnit that &he j s no lady. They say the way 
 she performed last night was a caution. She had a 
 gret loi.g octridge feather in her head, and she paraded 
 round like a grannydear bowin' and smilin' and 
 curchyin' with as much dignitude as if she 'd a ben the 
 queen o' Sheby wa'n't it laflable ? If I l d a ben 
 there I know I should a snorted right out in her face. 
 Old Crane was there tew, pokin' round among the 
 gals mip'htv partickler to Kesier "Winkle, they say. 
 Did you ever ' and his wife hain't ben dead but six 
 months I ain't it awful ? Well, I 'm glad I Ve got rid 
 o' the critter at last. He 's ben stickin' round me evei 
 since ht come here and it did seem as if I should go 
 crazy, he 's so terrible disagreeable but I gin him a 
 check on the tow-path 't other day and I rather 
 guess he 11 lemms alone arter this. Kesier Winkle ! 
 ain't it reedickelous ? I don't see what he could 
 fancy about her, do you? ther ain't nothin' of her but 
 her purty face and I never thought that was so awful 
 handsome as some folks does. Her red cheeks is her 
 only beauty, and they dew say them ain't natral. But 
 I don't want to hurt Kesiah Winkle she 's an un- 
 offensive, simple critter I shall pity her if she gits 
 Tim Crane, he 's the meanest of all created critters.
 
 00 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPEKS. 
 
 1 knowed him in his young days. I mean when lie 
 was ruther young, and I was very young indeed. I 
 knowed him always till he went to the West and 
 I M as soon think o' havin' the " old boy" as him 
 He don't know nothin' only how to make money 
 
 yes he does to he knows how to keep it. Of all 
 stingy mortals he 's the stingiest. Husband dispised 
 him used to say, Tim Crane was so tight he fairly 
 begrudged the air he breathed and it 'a a fact. Massy 
 tew me I it does seem onaccountable how any body 
 can be so beset to get married as to take up with him 
 don't it? He's the consarndest old gump tew '1 
 ever was no intellectibility at all. I always knowed 
 he was a dretful ninny, but I dident think he was so 
 awful silly as he is till 't other night at the Phreeny- 
 ogical lectur. He come and sot down by me ; I was 
 turribly provoked to have him a stickin' round me in 
 public so, but I couldent help it, you know ; I waa 
 purty haughty tew him, I tell ye. Well, if you '11 
 believe it as true as I set here when the lecterer was 
 tellin' about the organs in folkses heads, old Crane 
 thought he meant them are music organs it ^ a fact ; 
 
 1 never was so dizgusted in my life. Well, he ain't 
 worth talkin' about, and I make it a pint never to talk 
 about nobody. I eny most wish you had a ben to 
 that party, Mr. Smith ; it must a ben quite entertairdn' 
 to see the dewins. Thsy say the widder Jinkins 
 made herself perfectly redickious. She was drest
 
 THE WIDOW "SETS HER CAP." 91 
 
 off Kks a young gal false cm-Is on and artifishel 
 flowors in her cap. I think that 's very improper for 
 a woman o' her age why, I never wear 'em, and I 
 ain't nowhere nigh so old as she is 't is amazin ! and 
 thej say she cut round and hollered and laffed and 
 tried to be wonderful interestin'. They say she 's a 
 try in' to draw in old uncle Dawson; wouldent it be awful 
 if she should coax him up to marry her? but if she 
 should, he 's a bigger fool than I took him for, that 's 
 all what say ? is gwine to marry her ? why Jubiter 
 Smith 1 I don't bleve it if 'twas so Sam Fender- 
 grasses wife would a knowed it she knows every 
 thing that guz on in the place though she and Miss 
 JinHns ain't very friendly ; but I know 't ain't so 
 who told you, Mr. Smith? Miss Jinkins herself 1 1 
 land o' Nod ! I Next week ! 1 you- don't 1 ! well I '11 
 give it up now ! The widder Jinkins a gwine to be 
 married to old uncle Dawson I If that ain't the last" 
 thing T ever heerd on ! What is this world a comin' 
 tew ? How redicklous ! well, she 's a mean, good-for- 
 nothin', underhanded critter to go to work a settin' 
 her traps for that poor old man, and, conduce him to 
 make such a flumbergasted fool o' himself in his old 
 age! What a dog's life she '11 lead him tew ! Why 
 she 's the awfullest tempered critter 't ever was made. 
 I 've knowed Poll Bingham from a gal, and I don't 
 bleve Bill Jinkins w^ild a turned out such a misrable 
 shack if he 'd a had decent woman for a wife. Poll
 
 92 WIDOW BEDOfT PAPERS 
 
 Jinkins and old Dawson ? tribbilation ! ! Why, she 's 
 been ravin' distracted to git married ever since her 
 husband died, and arter all, she couldent git nobody 
 but that poor decripped, superannuated old feller If 
 she wa'n't dretful anxious to git man-id she wouldent 
 take him. Melissy, dear, 30 down suller and git some 
 apples some o' tlie seek-no-furders don't foil down 
 and break yer neck, darlin'. Old Dawson ! why he 's 
 a Univarsaler ! ain't it awful ? I 'd as soon think o' 
 havin' a Hoppintot. If that had a ben the only thing 
 ther was aginst him, / shouldent a had him. I never 
 gin him no incurridgement -just as if I were a g^vine 
 to take up with Tom, Dick, and Harry, arter beia' the 
 wife o' such a man as Deacon Bedott! He's an 
 amazin' ignorant old coot, tew 'tis surprism' how 
 little he knows I Git some knives and plates, now, 
 Melissy help yourself to apples, Mr. Smith. I can 
 tell you a circumstance that actilly took place once 
 that '11 show you what an ignorant old heathen he is. 
 His wife used to belong to Parson Potter's church, 
 and once in a while he used to come to mcetin' with 
 her, and he always used to go to sleep as soon as the 
 sarmon begun, and sleep till meetin' was out well 
 one Sabberday old Dawson was to meetin' and Par 
 son Potter preached some doctrinal pint I don't now 
 remember what was the theme of his subject but 
 any way, arter he 'd gin out his text, says he, 
 "Brothrin the subject under consideration this
 
 THE WIDOW "SETS HER CAP." 93 
 
 mornin' is one o' the biggest importance, and I Ve 
 gin it my unmitigated attention for a number o' year 
 but I 'm sorry to say, the commontaters don't agree 
 with me." "Well, old Dawson heerd that and then 
 he dropt asleep as usual. The next arternoon Miss 
 Potter had company what 's called a " deacon party," 
 you know that is-^-all the deacons and ther wives. 
 There was Deacon Kenipe and his wife, Deacon Crosby 
 and his wife. Deacon Whipple and his wife, and Deacon 
 Bedott and me. "Well, as we was all a settin' there 
 about the middle o' the arternoon, who should come 
 in but old uncle Dawson, luggin' a mortal gret sass- 
 basket " Well Parson," says he, " you said yesterday 
 in meetin' how 't the common taters dident agree with 
 ye so I Ve fetched you some oncommon ones the 
 very best that ever was growd for I reckoned 't was 
 tew bad you should be obleeged to live on common, 
 poor taiers, while I had such a bundance o' good uns. 
 It 's a kind I fetcht from Connecticut where I used 
 to live nobody round here hain't got nun Eke em. 
 They call em " Harrington blue-skins" yon needent 
 be afeared but what they '11 agree with ye ye might 
 eat em all day, and not feel a grain the woss for 't." 
 
 Now, Mr. Smith, that 's a fact I was knowin' to 't 
 Parson Potter, he thankt him over and over agin- - 
 ind we all contrived to keep our faces strait till he 'd 
 got out o' the house and then, what a roarin' ther 
 wras 1 Parson Potter told us never to mention it in
 
 94 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 creation cause the old man meant well but some 
 how or other it got out such things wiU, you know. 
 But, as Deacon Whipple remarked it 's lamentyble 
 that any body in this free and inlightened kintry 
 should be so blind and ignorant. But he 's good 
 enough for widder JinMns any day don't you say 
 so? Well, what is Wiggletown a comin' tew? Poll 
 Jinkins and old uncle Dawson ! it's the laffablest 
 thing I Ve heerd on this many a day I he, he, he 1 I 
 shall go eff 1 1 
 
 The last news that I had from Wiggletown, was 
 that Melissa is soon to be married to the worthy Mr. 
 Jupiter Smith; and that Kier is engaged to Selina 
 Crane. It is supposed that the widow never would 
 have given her consent to these matches, had it not 
 been for the interference of Mr. and Mrs. Magwire, 
 who have at last induced her to give up her opposi- 
 tion to the wishes of her children. She, however, con- 
 tinues to growl about it occasionally, and has become 
 perfectly " dizgusted" with Wiggletown and every body 
 in it, declaring, that " it ain't what it used to be all 
 run down not fit for respectable people to live in 
 and she don't mean to have nothin' to dew with no- 
 body in a place where every body 's atryin' to injure 
 her, and put her down and so."
 
 r pHB Widow Bedott having resolved to leave 
 Wiggletown, makes her farewell visit to her 
 friend Mrs. Higgins, of Ganderfield. 
 
 "Did ye know I was gwine to quit Wiggletown? 
 dident hey ? Well I be I lay out to go next week. 
 I am gwine to Scrabble Hill, to sister Magwire's, to 
 spend the winter, at least and if I like it purty well, 
 mabby I shall conclude to make it my native place, 
 and never come back to Wiggletown without 't is 
 jest a visitin'. Its tumble lonesome to be keepin' 
 house all alone as I be now since Kier and Melissy 
 was married and dewin' for themselves. Ary one 
 on 'em would be glad to have me live with 'em 
 but some how I don't like the idee. Melissy's 
 got a nice man for a husband. Jubiter Smith's a very 
 nice man and she 's very pleasantly sitiwated. But 
 J 'd ruther not live with 'em shouldent feel inde- 
 pendent, ye know. And as for livin' to Kier's I 
 guess it '11 be after this, any how, afore I dew that. 
 Seliny's well enough, fur as I know. I hain't nothin'
 
 06 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 against Seliny only I don't like tbat stock. I was 
 opposed to Kier's marryin' into that family but he 
 was so determined on 't I gm up my opposition and 
 tried to make the best on 't But I can 't be intirely 
 reconciled to 't, dew what I will. It 's werry onpleas- 
 ant to be connected with that tribe any way. Especi- 
 ally the old man I never could bear Tim Crane 
 he's so mortal mean. Dident know it? well, then, 
 you don't know him as well as I dew, "Why. I Ve 
 been acquainted with him ever sence he was quite a 
 young man, and I can testify 't he was always as tight 
 as a drum-head. How else did he make his money, 
 pray ? he never could a did it by his urits, for he hain't 
 none. Yes I always knowd Tim Crane so did my 
 poor husband he used to have dealins with him, and 
 he said, that of all born skin-flints 't ever he had to do 
 with, Tim Crane was the biggest. Yes I always 
 dispised the critter and then to think that any body 
 should say 't I was a tryin' to ketch him ! 't is scan- 
 dicilous! Hain't heerd nobody say so? Well thir 
 is suoh a story all round Wiggletown and I guess 
 I kuow who started it, tew and that was old Daw- 
 son's wife she 't was widder Jinkins she 's always a 
 runnin' me down and she feels oncomrpon ryled up 
 against me now cause she knows the olu man was 
 arter me 'fore he took her. I know she started the 
 Btory, cause Sam Pendegrasses wife told me on *t 
 and she said she heerd it from Minervy Hawlcy arid
 
 RESOLVES TC LEAVE W1GGLETOWN. 97 
 
 Minervy Hawley heerd it from Major Coon's wife 
 ?md Major Coon's wife and Miss Dawson is wonderful 
 intimit and I s'pose Miss Dawson told Miss Coon. 
 But what she says ain't worth mindin'. 'T is curus 't 
 nobody should pay any attention to 't. Me set my 
 cap for old Crane ! Gracious ! I never could bear the 
 sight of him. I tell you, I was glad enough when he 
 got married to Kesier Winkle though 't was a most 
 reedicilous piece o' business, wa'n't it ? To think o' 
 his marryin' that foolish flirt of a gal ! young enough 
 to be his darter, tew ! But I rejoiced from the bottom 
 o' my heart when it took place for, thinks me, folks 11 
 etop ther gab about him and me now. You see, he i 
 been stickin' round me ever sence he came back here 
 and ther was considerable talk that him and rne 
 was a gwine to make a match and 't was very dis- 
 tressin' to me to be the subjick of such a report I 
 done all in my power to give him to understand that 
 his attentions was dizagreeable tew me but somehow 
 another he wouldent take the hint. I dident want 
 him to offer himself tew me, you know. I always 
 make it a pint when I see 't an individdiwal's pleased 
 with me and I don't recipperate ther sentiments I 
 say, I always make it a pint to disencourage 'em all 
 I can for it hurts my feelins amazinly to be obleeged 
 to refuse a man ; it 's so mortifyin' tew 'em, ye know, 
 to be told they ain't wanted. I always git rid on 't 
 when I can and I tried tew in this case but the old 
 5
 
 WIDOW BELOTT PAPERS. 
 
 coot was so awful numbheaded I couldent beat any 
 thin' into him. He hung on like the toothache till 
 I got out of all patience. At last he come t' our house 
 one evening (Now Miss Higgins, I hope you won't 
 never mention this to nobody. I shouldent a told you 
 on 't I make it a pint never to tell o' such things. 
 Only seein' we was a speakin' o' the story bein' round 
 that I sot my cap for him, I thought I 'd let you know 
 how much foundation thcr was for 't but don't let it 
 git no furder for pity's sake. I don't wish Mr. Crane 
 no harm). But I was a gwine to tell ye He took 
 the opportunity one night when I was alone, to come 
 over t' our house. I ginerally contrived to keep 
 Melissy or Keir in the room when he came there ; and 
 I 'spose he' d noticed it, for he come over a Bingin' 
 school evenin', when he knowd they 'd be gone. I tell 
 ye I was mad when I see the critter come in. I 
 treated him as cool as a cowcumber ; but neverstandin' 
 all that, if you '11 bleve it, he up and popped the ques- 
 tion 1 At first I answered him as civil as I could, and 
 begged to be egscused ; but he wouldent take no foi 
 an answer ; and so I was obleeged to be purty hash 
 with him and told him I dident want nothing to dew 
 with him, and wished he 'd reitterate and leave me 
 alone and never trouble me no more. And will ye 
 bleve it ! the critter continued to hang on till I was 
 uecessiated to order him out o' the house and tell him 
 if ever he darkened my doors agin he 'd ketch it. So
 
 BESOLVEB TO LEAVE WIGGLE TOWN. 99 
 
 at last I got rid of him and that 's the upshot o' the 
 matter betwixt old C:ane and me. 'Twas about tew 
 months afcre he was married to Kesier Winkle and 
 disappinted me, as they say. Disappinted! it looks 
 like lein' disappinted, don't it? Its awful provokin' 
 to be talked about as I be, ain't it? But I Ve always 
 ben the subjick o slander ever since I lived here, and 
 that 's since I was quite a gal. What a tumble place 
 for teJldn', Wiggletown is, though ! a regular slander 
 mill. It's s great deal woss than it used be and 
 'twas always bad enough. I'm perfectly dizgusted 
 with the place, especially sence them stories about old 
 Crane and me. It makes me outrageous to be lied 
 about so by such folks" as old Dawson's wife and Miss 
 Major Coon. Miss Coon she don't like me cause I 
 hain't ne^ er knuckled tew her. You know she thinks 
 she 's a gieat character sence she married Major Coon. 
 But I can tell her " I ain't so fond o' pork as to eat hog 
 yokes!" Miss Pendergrass says, I hadent ought to 
 mind none o' the stories folks tells and I don't mean 
 tew. But Lhen it 's made me clear sick and tired o' 
 Wiggletovn. I 'm completely dizgusted with it, and 
 don't mean to live thert nc longer if I can help it 
 I 've ben some time considerin' what 's best to dew, 
 and I 've made up my mind to go to Scrabble Hill to 
 spend the winter with, sister Magwire. I was thoro 
 and stayed a fortnight about two year ago had a very 
 pleasant visit. At nrst I thought quite strong o' visit-
 
 100 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 in' my brother, Christopher Columbus Poole. away in 
 Varmount never was there but once, and that was 
 fore husband died. But I 've giv 't up on account o' 
 the family bein' Baptists. I can't stan the Baptists no 
 way ; and if I went there I should have to go to the 
 Baptist meetin' and that would be a tumble cross tew 
 me ; so I 've concluded to go to Scrabble Hill for a 
 spell. Sister Magwire 's a fine woman, though sLe 
 ain't very intellectible. I always sot a great deal by 
 her. No doubt she 11 be wonderful glad to have me 
 come. She must be considerable lonesome now. Her 
 only son 's gone off to study doctrin ; and she 's alone 
 quite a good deal Her husband carries on the shoe- 
 makin' bisness quite extensive ; and he 's to his shop 
 the heft o' the time. To speak the truth, I ain't sorry 
 her son 's gone, for he ain't no favoryte o' mine. He 's 
 growed up to be ruther a dizagreeable young man 
 always pokin' fun at every body. He takes after his 
 father in that respect. Brother Magwire 's quite a 
 teaze, though he knows better 'n to hurt r'olk's feelins 
 as Jeff does. I think I shall enjoy myself pretty 
 well at Scrabble Hill. The society is quite refined 
 there, and that suits me, j^ know. I feel out o' place 
 in "Wiggletown ; ther ain't no refinement there at all. 
 What little there used to be 's all run out. The in- 
 habiters now's a perfect set o ? Goffs and Randals. 
 I'm thoroughly dizgusted vritn the hull town and 
 every body in it, exceptin' Kier and Melissy, and Sam
 
 RESOLVES TO LEAVE WIGGLE TOWN. 101 
 
 Pendergrasses wife. If 5 t wa'n't that Jiey live there, 
 Wiggletown might go to destruction for all I'd 
 care. 
 
 LETTER FROM JEFFERSON MAGUIRB TO HIS COUSDi,' 
 MRS. JASPER DOOLITTLE. 
 
 CooimLLB, Oct. 27, 1847. 
 
 DEAR COUSIN NANCY: 
 
 What gloomy, miserable weather this is ! But I 
 suppose that your domestic cares and your good hus- 
 band, occupy so much of your attention, that you Ve 
 hardly time to growl about the weather. I assure 
 you I fsel forlorn enough to-day. Probably more so, 
 for having just returned from a visit of a week at 
 father's ; and home is so much pleasanter to me than 
 any other place, that I am always discontented for a 
 wfcUe after coming away. 
 
 I suppose you would like to know what the good 
 folks at Scrabble Hill are doing ; so I '11 tell you as 
 far as I know. Father and mother get on about after 
 tLe old sort, and there seems to be no great change 
 among the other inhabitants. Sam Baily is paying 
 attention to Katy Carey, and Pardon Hittibone and 
 Maria Louisa "Wilson are to be married next month. 
 Charity Grimes and Sally Hugle are as old and as dis- 
 agreeable as ever, if not a leetk more so, and full as 
 anxious to dispose of themselves as ever. Old Elder
 
 102 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 Sniffles, the Baptist minister, lost his wife about two 
 months ago, and his personal appearance has greatly 
 improved since that afflictive event (no uncommon 
 thing as respects widowers, I believe). The Footes have 
 eold out, and gone to Wisconsin, and well I believe, 
 you have now all the village news, excepting one 
 piece of information, and that, as it is the most im- 
 portant, I have reserved till the last. A distinguished 
 stranger arrived at Scrabble Hill some two weeks 
 since. Who do you guess it is? Why, no less a 
 personage than the Widow Bedott, interesting relict 
 of Deacon Hezekiah Bedott. She has actually in- 
 flicted herself upon father's folks for the whob winter. 
 What a time they '11 have of it, won't they ? Mother 
 is so well disposed, that she tries to put up with it 
 cheerfully; but nevertheless, it is pretty evident that 
 she looks upon Aunt Bedott as a prodigious boro. 
 She had been there but two or three days when I 
 went home, and she did not appear overjoyed to eee 
 me. For some reason or other she does n't take a 
 particular fancy to me. Mother says it 's because I 
 teaze her sometimes. But there is something so de- 
 cidedly rich about Aunt Silly, that I can not for my life 
 help having a little fun at her expense occasionally. 
 On Sunday morning I said to her, when mother was n't 
 by, "Well, aunty, where do you go to meeting to- 
 day ?" " Where do I go to meetin' !" said she " what 
 % question I why, where should I go but to my owe
 
 RESOLVES TO LEAVE WIGGLETOWN. 103 
 
 meetin' ?" " Oh," said I, " I thought perhaps you 'd 
 like to hear Elder Sniffles, he 's such an interesting 
 preacher." " What !" said she, " me go to the Baptist 
 meetin' ! I hope you ain't in arnest, Jeff ; why I 'd as 
 soon go to the theatre as go there. I have a sufferin' 
 contempt for the Baptists. They think nobody can't 
 git to heaven -without bein' dipped, dippin 's a savin' 
 audience with them. Why, come to think, I remem- 
 ber that Elder Sniffles. When I was here afore, yer 
 mother and me was into Mr. Hugle's one evenin* 
 they 're Baptists, ain't they ? and Elder Sniffles 
 and his wife come in there to call. If my memory 
 serves me, he 's ruther a tall, scrawny man with eyes 
 that looks like a couple o' peeled onions, and kind o' 
 squintin' tew, and seems to me he hadn't no hair 
 nardly." " O !" said I, " you 'd scarcely know him 
 now, he 's got a wig and wears spectacles, which im- 
 proves his appearance vastly." " Well, I should think 
 it needed improvin'," said she. 
 
 " By the way, aunty," said I, " did you know that 
 Mrs. Sniffles was dead ?" "You don't say so !" said 
 he. " Yes," said I : "she died only a few weeks ago. 
 I feel sorry for the Elder he must be so lonesome." 
 " So do I," said she with a sigh. " It's a dredful 
 thing to lose a companion, and I s'pose the Baptists 
 feel it as much as any body." " Undoubtedly," said 
 I ; " Elder Sniffles seems deeply afflicted his sermons, 
 they say, have been more interesting than ever, since
 
 104 WIDOW BE&OTT PAPERS. 
 
 iris loss ; something mournfully solemn about them," 
 so I went on for some time, dilatin' upon the elder's 
 eloquence and talents, and loneliness and all that. I as- 
 sure you I talked pretty fast, for fear mother 'd come in 
 before I could say all I wanted to and I was afraid 
 she 'd throw all the fat in the fire. At length aunt 
 Silly said that I 'd raised her curiosity to such a pitch 
 that she really felt quite a desire to hear the elder preach 
 she had a good notion to go to the Baptist meet- 
 ing for once. Of course I offered my services as es- 
 cort. Shortly after mother came in, and was quite sur- 
 prised when Aunt Bedott announced her intention of 
 going to the Baptist meeting. " What 's your notion ?" 
 said mother. "Oh !" said aunty, "Jeff's excited my 
 curiosity so much about Elder Sniffles, that I feel as 
 if I 'd like to go and hear him preach." Mother looked 
 at me for an explanation so I thought my best course 
 was to own up for I knew that mother would n't ex- 
 pose me, and tell Aunt Bedott that I was hoaxing 
 her, as it would serve to increase her antipathy to me, 
 which mother was anxious to do away. Therefore I 
 remarked that I 'd been telling aunt Silly what an elo- 
 quent man elder Sniffles was. Mother said nothing 
 then, but as soon as we were alone, she took me to task 
 roundly. However I carried the point, and aunty and 
 I went off to Baptist meeting. We had a seat very 
 near the pulpit. As usual, the Elder whaled away 
 through his nose thumped the desk, and went over
 
 EESOLVES TO LEAVE WIGGLETOWN. 106 
 
 and over again with the same thing using a little dif- 
 ferent words each time, without ever making the most 
 remote approach to any thing like the shadow of an 
 idea. But it would have done you good to see with 
 what devout and earnest attention Aunt Bedott regard- 
 ed him all the time. Once she was deeply a^ected, 
 and sobbed in a manner that attracted universal atten- 
 tion. It was on his making the very original observa- 
 tion that " this was a changing world, and we couldn't 
 calculate with any degree of certainty upon any 
 thing !" When we were going home, Aunt Bedott 
 said " Well, Jefferson you was right elder Sniffles 
 is a very interesting preacher very, indeed. I never 
 was more edified in my life than I Ve been this morn- 
 in'. He ain't so bad lookiri, nother, as I was thinkin' 
 he was : that ere wig makes him look ten year young- 
 er a body never 'd think o' such a thing as its bein' 
 a wig it 's so natral. And them specs, too : they 'ie 
 an improvement on account o' kind o' hidin' the pe- 
 cooliarities of his eyes. I don't know as I should a' 
 took him for the same indiwiddiwal. But then his 
 sannon! Oh, Jefferson, that was what I call a sar- 
 itw< in arncst ! I begin to think 't ain't right to be so 
 prejudiced against other denominations. I should 
 likft to be in'iTOQUsed. to Elder Sniffles, and hear him 
 convarse." Wouldn't it be rich, Nancy, to be an in- 
 visible listener to the conversation? The next day I 
 same away I shall be quite curious to know whether 
 5*
 
 106 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS 
 
 Aunt Bedott continues in her liberal frame of mind 
 but I sha'n't dare to ask mother a word about it when 
 I write so I must remain in ignorance until I go 
 home again at Thanksgiving. But I'm writing a 
 tremendousJy long letter, so I '11 just stop where I am. 
 Eemembei me to cousin Jasper, and. believe me youi 
 affectionate cousin.
 
 XL 
 
 toitfc 
 
 OOD momin' marm ! can I trade any with ye 
 to-day?" 
 
 " Land o' liberty ! I want to know if that 's you, 
 Jabe Clark?" 
 
 "'T ain't nobody else but raly you've got the 
 advantage o' me." 
 
 " Hev hay 1 well I guess it 's the fust time any body 
 got the advantage o' ye do ye remember them shoes 
 ye sold me in Wiggletown ?" 
 
 " Jingo ! I '11 be darned if 't ain't the Widder Be- 
 dott ! why ye look younger and handsomer 'n 
 ever " 
 
 " It took them shoes to stir up yer memory I al- 
 ways tho't I M like to hev a recknin' with ye about 
 comin' such a trick on me " 
 
 "But Widder" 
 
 " None o' yer buts dident ye tell me they was 
 fustrate leather and worth ten shillin' every cent 
 on 't but seein' 't was me I mout hev 'em for a dol 
 lar, say ! and dident they bust out at the sides and
 
 108 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 run down at the heels and split on the instep in less 
 than a week's time and dident ye know they would 
 serve me so when ye sold 'em to me<- say ?" 
 
 " But Widder ye know" 
 
 " Yes I know I know J i want the fust time you 'd 
 cheated me but I ruther guess 't was the last time 
 and I ain't the only one that 's made vp ther minds 
 not to hev no more deal with ye Sam Pendergrasses 
 wife says 't if ever you darken her doors again you '11 
 ketch it." 
 
 " Well, Miss Bedott, to tell ye the plain truth, them 
 shoes hev laid heavy on my conscience for some time 
 back I dew confess with compunction that I had 
 some shortcoming in those days I did use to git the 
 better o' my customers sometimes in a bargin I Ve 
 felt quite exercised about it lately. Ye see, Widder, 
 I warn't actiwated by religious principles then, that 
 was the difficulty." 
 
 " Do ye mean to insiniwate that ye Ve met with a 
 change?" 
 
 " I think I may confidentially say I hev." 
 
 " How long sence ?" 
 
 " Wai, about a year and a half. I experienced re- 
 ligion over in Yarmount, at one o' brother Armstrong's 
 protracted meetin's. I tell ye, Widder, them special 
 efforts is great things ever sence I come out I Ve felt 
 like a new critter." 
 
 " Well, I hope you Ve acted like one, and restored
 
 TRADES WITH A PEDDLER. 109 
 
 four-fold, as scriptex conLmaodfl, to them you 've got 
 the better of. If ye did I guess yer pockets was 
 cleaned out amazin' quick." 
 
 "I 'm free to say, I Lev made restitution as fur as I 
 was able." 
 
 " Well, then, ye 'd better hand over that dollar I paid 
 for them shoes or at least six shiilin' on 't, they 
 waVt worth over twenty-five cents at the furdest." 
 
 "Wai, I '11 tell ye Widder how I gineraUy dew in 
 Buch cases. I make a practice o' lettin' on 'em trade 
 it out (he begins to open his boxes), I ; ve got a lot o' 
 goods that '11 make yer eyes water, I guess. I make 
 it a pint o' carryin' a finer stock than ary other travel- 
 in' merchant in this section." 
 
 "Ye needent undew 'em I hain't no notion o ? 
 tradinV* 
 
 " But 't won't cost nothin' to jest look at 'em, ye 
 know there, them pocket handkerchers is superior 
 to any thing ye '11 find this side o' New York." 
 
 " Wonderful thin though." 
 
 "Sheer, ye mean, that's what they call sheer, a 
 very desirable quality iL. iinning cambrick. I tell ye 
 Widder there ain't no such handkerchers in Scrabble 
 
 mil." 
 
 " I '11 bet a cent they 're half cotton." 
 
 "Half cotton! jingo! they ain't half cotton I 7 }! 
 stake my repertation on 't T mean my present reper- 
 tation."
 
 110 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 " What dew ye ax for 'em ?" 
 
 11 Wai, them handkerchers had orto fetch twelve 
 Bhillin' apiece. I never sold none for less, but bein' 
 as I dident dew exactly the fair thing about the shoes, 
 if ye '11 take a couple I' 11 strike off tew shillin', and 
 let ye hev 'em for tew dollars and seventy-five 
 cents." 
 
 " Land o' liberty ! ye scare me, Jabe ! I 'm wantin' 
 some nice handkerchers wonderfully jest now, but dear 
 me ! I 'd go without to the eend o' my days, afore I'd 
 pay such a price for 'em." 
 
 " Wai' then, say tew dollars fifty cents, I 'm willin' 
 to let 'em go for that considerin' the shoes." 
 
 "Twenty shillin' I its awful high, I won't give it." 
 
 " Say eighteen shillin' then, nobody could ax less 
 than that, I 'm sure." 
 
 " Eighteen shillin' ! it 's tew much I can't afford 
 it." 
 
 " Tew dollars then take 'em for tew dollars it's 
 the same as givin' on 'em away. I tell ye Widder, ye 
 wouldent git such a chance if 't wa'n't for my feelin's 
 in relation to them shoes. I told ye they was worth 
 twelve shillin' apiece, and now I offer 'em tew ye for 
 tew dollars a pair, one dollar struck off, that's all 
 ye paid for the shoes." 
 
 " I never gi'n so much for handkerchers in all my 
 born days, can't ye take no less ?" 
 
 "Not a cent Widder, not a cent."
 
 TBADES WITH A PEDDLEE. ill 
 
 u Well, then, I don't feel as if 1 could afford to take 
 'em." 
 
 " And so I s'pose I may as well put 'em up agin 
 wal, I 'm sorry, not that it would be any objict to 
 me to let them go so cheap, only I thought I 'd like 
 to set my mind at rest about the matter o' the shoes. 
 I Ve offered to make it up and you 've refused to 
 have it made up, so the fault is yourn, not mine, my 
 conscience is clear ; if folks will persirt in stannin' in 
 their own light I can't help it, that 's all." (He re- 
 places them in the box.) 
 
 "Lemme jest look at 'em once more, Jabe these is 
 purty can't take no less than tew dollars?" 
 
 " Not i red cent less ; and I tell ye agin it 's the 
 same as giyin' on 'em away at that." 
 
 " Sure they ain't half cotton ?" 
 
 " Jest as sure as I be that my name 's Jabez 
 Clark." 
 
 " Well, then, I guess I shall hev to take 'em." 
 
 "I 'm glad on 't for your sake as I said afore, t' ain't 
 no objict to me. I Ve got a piece o' silk I want to 
 show ye, Miss Bedott, a very desirable article for a 
 weddin 1 dress." 
 
 "Lawful sakes! I hope ye don't think /want such 
 a thing." 
 
 "Wai, folks tells singular stories. I heerd somo- 
 Vhing down here." 
 
 " O shaw 1 't won't dew to believe all ye hear."
 
 H2 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 "I sold Elder Sniffles a black satting stock and a 
 buzzom pin yesterday s'pose he wanted 'em for a 
 particular occasion." 
 
 " Git out Jabe I what sort of a buzzom pin was it ?" 
 " Wai, 't was a very desirable pin ; topiz sot in gold. 
 I sold it tew him for a' most nothing. I always make 
 it a pint to accommodate the clergy in that way, never 
 charge 'em full price. I always lookt upon the Elder 
 as a very gifted man I staid here over the Sabbath 
 once to hear him preach I tell ye, "Widder, 't was 
 powerful pleadin'. I 'm ruther inclined to the Baptist 
 order myself ben quaverin' on the subjict ever sence 
 I was brought out in fact I 've thought hard o' givin' 
 up the travelin' marcantile business and stuiyin' deol- 
 ogy but, on the hull, I 've about gi'n it up 't would- 
 ent do for me to be confined to preachin' my health 
 requires such amount of exercise. But here 's that 
 silk, did ye ever see the beat on T t ? now that V what 
 I call splendid 4i's ginniwine French they call it 
 4 grody grody grody' what the dogs them 
 French names is so consarnid hard to remember O, 
 I know now, ' grody .fiewry ;' jest take a realizin' 
 sense o' the colors how elegant them stripes is shaded 
 off, green and yaller and purple, reglar French try- 
 color, as they call it." 
 
 "It 's slazy though, ther ain't much heft to 't." 
 "Heft! to be sure 'taint heavy, but heavy silks 
 ain't worn no more, ye know ; they 're all out o j fash-
 
 TRADES WITH A PEDLEB. 113 
 
 ion these ere light French silks is all the go now 
 ye see folks has found out how much more durable 
 they be than the heavy ones them 's so apt to crack 
 why one o' these ere '11 outlast a dozen on 'em. 
 I Ve got jest a pattern on't left had a hull piece 
 sold tew dresses off on 't, one to Judge Hogobome's 
 daughter in Greenbush, and the other to the Keverend 
 Dr. Togo's wife in Albany. Now, Widder, what do ye 
 say to takin' that, 't would make a most hyastical wed- 
 din' dress." 
 
 " Well, 't ain't for me to say I 'm wantin' such an 
 article but s'posen I was I've got anew one that'll 
 dew. Sister Magwire pickt it out for me. She hain't 
 got much taste about colors but she ? s a good judge 
 of quality." 
 
 "Got it made up?" 
 
 44 No ; but the mant-maker's a comin' to morrer to 
 make it." 
 
 " Lemme see it, if ye please. I want to compare it 
 with this." (She brings it). " Jingo ! I '11 be darn- 
 ed if 't ain't stun color ! the fag end of all colors I 
 Why, a body 'd think 't was some everlastin' old maid 
 tnstid of a handsome young widder that had chose 
 such a distressid thing for a weddin' dress." 
 
 " Lawful sakes ! I dident say 't was a weddin' dress 
 *-and I dident say I chose it myself: for, to tell the 
 *ruth, I dident more 'n half like it : but sister Magwire 
 Btuck to 't was more suitable than ary other color
 
 114 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 and then tew, she thought 't was such an amazin' good 
 piece." 
 
 " Good piece I Jingo ! what lid ye pay for 't ?" 
 
 " A dollar a yard. Ther ! s twelve yards on 't got 
 it o' Parker and Pettibone, and they said 't was fust- 
 rate." 
 
 " Wai, I don't s'pose they meant to cheat ye they got 
 cheated themselves when they bought that silk. 1 al- 
 ways knoVd that Parker and Pettibone wa'rn't no 
 judges o' goods. The fact is, them New York mar- 
 chants put off their old onsailable articles onto 'em, 
 and make 'em think they 're ginteel and desirable, I 
 tell ye, Widder, ye got most consarnedly took in when 
 ye bought that silk. Ye won't wear it three times afore 
 it '11 crack out at the elbows, and fray out round the 
 bottom." 
 
 11 Well, I hain't ben suited with it none o' the time 
 shouldent a got it if sister Mag wire hadent a diug- 
 dong'd me into 't. Ther was a blue one tb.er 't I liked 
 a great deal better." 
 
 " I tell ye, Widder, it raly hurts my feelins to think 
 o' your standin' up along eide of Elder Sniffles with 
 such a consumid lookin 7 thing on." 
 
 " O shaw ! stop yer hectorin' about the Elder. I 
 ain't obleeged to hev every body that 's after me." 
 
 " Wai I know that only such chances as Elder 
 Sniffles ain't to be sneezed at, ye know. But speakin' 
 o' that silk if 't wa'n't for standin' in my own light
 
 TRADES WITH A PEDDLEB. 115 
 
 go coasarnidly, I '11 be darned if I wouldent offer to 
 swop for a small matter o' boot." 
 
 " Boot ! that ? s wuss than the shoes ! S'pose I 'd go 
 to givin' boot to git rid on 5 t after payin' an awful 
 sight o money for ''t in the fust place ?" 
 
 " Wai, 't would be rather aggravatin' if you 'd got 
 a full pattern you hain't but twelve yards. Of course 
 ye dident calkilate to hev no trimmin', or ye 'd a got 
 more." 
 
 " 1 thought I shouldent trim it consider-in' " 
 
 ' Yes, I understand considerin' 't was for a minis- 
 ter's wife" 
 
 " G-it out, Jabe I dident say so '' 
 
 " I tell ye, Widder, you 're tew partickler minister's 
 wives is as dressy as any body. The Eeverend Doc 
 tor Fogo's wife had hern made up with three wide cross- 
 grained pieces round the skirt. Jingo ! they sot it off 
 slick. These ere stripid silks look fust rate with cross- 
 grain trimmin' seems to go windin' round and round, 
 and looks so graceful kinder. I seen lots on 'em in the 
 city. How them city ladies would larf at such a 
 dress as yourn ! But out here in the country folks 
 don't know nothin'." 
 
 11 If I 'd a trusted to my own taste, I shouldent a 
 got it. I wish to massy I hadent a ben governed by 
 sister Magvvire." 
 
 " Jingo ! wouldent it be quite an idee for you to be 
 *he fust in Scrabble Hill to come out in a ' grody flew-
 
 116 WIDOW BETOTT PAPERS; 
 
 ry.' Them colors would be \v c nderf ul becomin 7 to you. 
 Jest lemme hold it up to ye and you stan' up and look 
 in the glass. Jingo 1 it 's becominer than I thought 
 't would be. I tell ye Widder, you mist hev that silk, 
 and no mistake." 
 
 " Dear me I I wish I could afford to swop What 's 
 itwoth?" 
 
 " Wai, I can't expect to git the full vaUy on 't. I 'D 
 sell it tew ye as low as I feel as if I could it 's a 
 high-priced silk bein' as it 's so fashionable now; 
 but I '11 tell you, Miss Bedott^-though I w^uldent tell 
 every body the fact is, I got that silk at ? bargin, 
 and of course I can afford to let it go for considerable 
 less than I could if I 'd a paid foil price, Ye see the 
 marchant I took it of was on the pint o' failin', and 
 glad to sell out for any money. He dident ax but a 
 dollar a yard. Ther 's fourteen yards left, as you can 
 see by the folds and you maj- hev it for fourteen dol- 
 lars, jest what it cost me. I tell ye, widder, it 's a 
 bargin." 
 
 " Land o' liberty I fourteen dollars I I can't think 
 on't." 
 
 "Wai, then, I'll dew still better by ye. T want 
 you should hev this silk so s'pozen I take yourn off 
 yer hands, and you take this, and jest pa 7 me the bal 
 ance. Mabby I could sell that to some distressid o^d 
 quaker woman that wants an every-day frock and 
 what if couldent, I should hev the satisfaction o'
 
 Stop a minute, Jake, IM resk it. It's time I was my own mistress any how. I kno 
 sister Maguire'll say it's tew gay for me, and call it flambergasted, but I dont care.- 
 PACK 117.
 
 TRADES WITH A PEDDLER. 117 
 
 dewin' you a favor any how. What d 'y e sa y to 
 that?" 
 
 *' Lemme see the balance that would be tew dol- 
 lars. I Ve paid twelve for t' other already. I don't 
 know about spendin so much money don't know 
 what sister Maguire 'd say to 't. She 's gone over to 
 see old aunt Betsy Crocket aunt Betsey 's sick. Sis- 
 ter Maguire hates striped silk, and pedlars tew won'1 
 never trade with 'em " 
 
 " Jingo ! come to think on 't, I 'm a tarnal goose to 
 be willin' to stand in my own light jest for the sake of 
 accommodatin' the wimmin folks 't ain't no object 
 to me." (He folds up the sijk.) 
 
 " Stop a minnit, Jabe. I '11 resk it. It 's time I 
 was my own mistress, any how. I knoAV sister Ma- 
 guire '11 say it 's tew gay for me, and call it flambergas- 
 ted, but I don't care " 
 
 " Gay ! I wish to massy she could sec a dress that 
 Elder Cole's wife out east has got entirely red the 
 reddest kind o' red tew stripes a.& wide as my hand 
 Thai 's ruther flambergasted for a minister's wife. So 
 ye think ye '11 take it hey ?" 
 
 4< Dunno but I will on the hull." 
 
 *' Wai, I s'pose I 'd orto stan to my offer- >but I tell 
 ye, Widder it 's a bargin." 
 
 " fourteen yarat, ye say T' v 
 
 " Fourteen yards plump ye may count the folds at 
 the edge. Ye can hev cross-grain trimmiti' if ye takr
 
 118 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 a notion. Jingo ! won't it give the Scrabble Hill wim- 
 min fits to see ye with that on ?" 
 
 " Well, I '11 take it. See, how much do I 3we ye 
 now?" 
 
 " But can't I sell ye any thin' else?"
 
 XIL 
 
 ffiitoto anfc $tmt Kapitt Sistrorie OB 
 
 " T SAY, sister Magwire this ere 's a miserable mean 
 kind of a world, for I Ve " 
 
 " I don't agree with yen, Silly. I think it '? a very 
 good sort of a world if a tody looks at in a right 
 point o' view. Most o' folks in it used me well, and I 
 guess they '11 continner to dew so as long as I use them 
 well. For my part I 'm satisfied with the world gin* 
 erally speakin." 
 
 " Well, s'pozen ye be, that 's no sign 't every body 
 else had ought to be satisfied with it. You was al- 
 ways a wonderful satisfied critter. You think every 
 body 's dretful nice and dretful clever." 
 
 "Now sister Bedott you know that ain't so you 
 know ther 's some folks 't I Ve got a tumble meaF 
 opinion of." 
 
 " I know ther w a few 't ye don't like but I mean 
 as a gineral thing you seem to think the most o' folks 
 is jest about right. For my part, I 'd ruther see things
 
 120 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 as they actilly be. I shouldent want to be so awful 
 contented." 
 
 " I should think so for you ain't never contented 
 only when you Ve got some thing to be discontented 
 about." 
 
 " Well, if that 's the case, I 'd ought to be content- 
 ed the heft o' the time, for my trouble is continniwal." 
 
 " How you talk, sister Bedott ! I thought you had- 
 ent nothing to complain of now-a-days. I know 't 
 along after your husband died you wus in ruther poor 
 circumstances and used to grumble a good deal but 
 seems to me you 'd ought to be contented and thank- 
 ful now. Yer children's growd up to be blessins tew 
 ye, and now they 're both settled and dewin fast rate. 
 And sence father was took away, and the property 
 was divided, you Ve had enough to keep ye comfort- 
 able, and more tew." 
 
 "O lawful sakes! I dident mean 't I was poverty 
 struck. Ther 's other kinds o' trouble besides that 
 ain't thar ? If you 'd a ben in Wiggletown durin' the 
 last few years, and seen how every body was a peckin' 
 at me, and a try in' to put me down, you 'd a thought 
 I had somethin 1 to try me. Yon wouldent jaw me for 
 thinkin' the world 's a dretful mean place fall o' 
 dretful queer folks." 
 
 " dear suz ! Some folks is always a talkin' about 
 other folks' bein' queer, while, like enough, it 's them- 
 selves that 's queer, after all."
 
 DISCOURSE ON VARIOUS TOPICS. 121 
 
 "I hope ye don't mean to insinniwate 't Pm queer, 
 
 " O no, Silly. I dident mean to insinniwate that 
 but then ye know almost every body has ther queer 
 streaks." 
 
 "Yes I know it's a pecooliarity natral to every- 
 body to be queer about some things but then some 
 folks is queerer 'n others." 
 
 "Jest so, Silly some folks is actilly queer and 
 some folks thinks some other folks queer 'cause they 
 don't happen to think jist as they dew on some pints. 
 We think some indiwiddiwals is queer cause they 
 differ from us, and mabbe they think we Ve queer 
 cause we differ from them. We 'd ought to be earful 
 how we call other folks queer, for the fact is we 're all 
 queer more or less and them that lives in glass 
 houses mustent throw stuns." 
 
 " I wa'n't a thrdwin' stuns as I know on when I said 
 't was a queer world for 1 t is specially that part on't 
 called Wiggletown. Scrabble Hill don't seem to be 
 such a sort of a place at all, as fur as I 'm able to judge. 
 I think the inhabbiters is quite intellectible, as a gin- 
 eral thing and oncommon perlite, tew. I m quite 
 pleased with the Scrabble Hill folkL. There's Dr. 
 Lippincott he 's quite a science man, I should think, 
 from the way he talks." 
 
 " Mabbe he is can't say for I can't understand 
 much o' what he says, he talks so big."
 
 L22 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 " I shouldent wonder if you couldent but that ain't 
 no sign nobody can't. I was quite pleased with him, 
 and his wife, tew they seemed so friendly took sitch 
 an interest in my health, and was so consarned about 
 my cough that night they called on me." 
 
 <; Yes I guess they Ve got an idee your a rich wid- 
 der, livin' on the interest o' yer money husband says 
 ther ' such a 3tory 'round shouldent wonder if hus- 
 band started it .aimself, jist to see what would be the 
 effect on V 
 
 " I shouldent n other, he 's so full o' mischief but 
 you don't s'pose that 's what makes the Peabodys, and 
 the Buels, and the Fusticks, and the Hugles so peilite 
 tew me, dew ye ?" 
 
 "01 ain't no rite to say 'tis I 'm sure I 'm glad 
 they 're so attentive it '11 make yer visit pleasanter." 
 
 " Jest so seems to me Miss Deacon Fustick 's a 
 singlar woman she seems to be intirely took up with 
 the ' anti-tea-and-cofFee society' talked to me all the 
 time she was here about it said I might depend on 't 
 that all that made me so thin, and have such a cough, 
 was drinkin' tea and coffee. If she runs me so every 
 time I see her I guess I shall keep clear on her for I 
 won't give up my tea and coffee for her nor nobody 
 else." 
 
 " lawful sakes ! Ye needent be afeard o' that 
 
 
 
 she '11 be on to something new afore long. SLe takes 
 up every thing that comes along, and gits all engaged
 
 DISCOURSE ON VARIOUS TOPICS, 123 
 
 about it. A spell ago she was wide awake against 
 Sabbath-breaJdn', and dident talk about nothin else 
 then 't was moral reform next come Millerism " 
 
 " Now that makes me think of old mother Green 
 in Wiggletown. You remember old Jabe Green 'a 
 wife ! she was always jest so carried away with every 
 new thing, ye know. Tew or three years ago, when 
 Millerism was makin' such a noise, ther was a feller 
 along lecturin' about it and a number o' the Wiggle- 
 town folks raly thought ther was something in it. But 
 old Miss Green was clear killed up with it. She give 
 up all bizness, and dident dew nothin' but traipse 
 round from house to house a takin' on about the eend 
 o' the world 't was a comin' afore long. "Well one 
 day she come into Sam Pendergrasses 't was afore 
 old Miss Pendergrass, Sam's mother, died. She was 
 a livin' with 'em and ye know she was a woman 
 that always minded her own bizness. Well she sot 
 ther at her loom a weavin' away she was a great 
 hand to weave, the old lady was. Sam's wife was a 
 settin' there tew 't was Sam's wife told me about it. 
 Well Miss Green she sot dcwn in the rockin' cheer, 
 with her face half a yard long, an she hauled out hei 
 snuff-box (she was an all-to-pieces snuff-taker ye know) 
 and she begun to snuff and rock, and rock and snuflj 
 as hard as ever she j3ould, and every once in a while 
 Bhe l d heave a tumble sythe, Lyme-by sa^s she, 
 ( Miss Pendergrass, do you expect to finish that web ? ?
 
 124 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPEKS. 
 
 '"Well, I rather guess I shall,' says the old lady, says 
 she, ' if I live.' ' If you live? says Miss Green, ' that 'a 
 the pint for my part I Ve sot my house in order, and 
 I 'm ready to go any minnit, and I wish you could 
 say the same. It 's raly a moloncolly sight to see you 
 BO occupied with the consarns o' this world that 's jest 
 a comin' to and eend. I don't see how you can set 
 there a weavin' a piece o' cloth when the day o' the 
 Lord 's so nigh at hand,' and she took a normous pinch 
 o' snuff, and gi'n a dretful groan. ' Well,' says old 
 Miss Pendergrass, says she, ' I 'm glad you feel so sar- 
 tin about yer condition I 'd as lieve the Lord would 
 finu me a weavin' cloth as a takin* snuff." 1 " 
 
 " Well, that was a good un I It ought to stopped 
 the old woman's mouth and sot her a thinkin'. Miss 
 Fustick is some such a woman in some respects." 
 
 "I was pleased to hear Cappen Smalley take up 
 agin her in favor o' tea and coffee, t' other night, in to 
 Miss Grimes's. By the way, Cappen Smallsy 's quite 
 an intellectible man, ain't he ?" 
 
 "Why, yes he knows enough. It kind o' strikes 
 me he 's a steppin' up to Charity -seems to go thsre 
 considerable." 
 
 "You don't I Well ther 's no accountin' for tastes, 
 I dew say. I should a took the cappen for a man d 1 
 better judgment than to be pleased with such a critter 
 Don't you think she 's awful disagreeable ?" 
 
 " Well, 1 must say I don't admire her no great."
 
 DISCOURSE ON VARIOUS TOPICS. 126 
 
 "And then she's so awful humbly tew. What a 
 draw up nose she's got! And she's so turribly af 
 fected and stuck up. I took a dislike tew her the 
 first time I ever see her when she come in here with 
 her mother. The widder 's a skew-jawed oncomforta- 
 ble lookin' old critter, ain't she ?" 
 
 " Yes and no wonder, for she 's tew stingy to feel 
 comfortable, and of course she can't look so. You 
 was sayin', a spell ago, that I thought every body was 
 dretful nice, and dretful clever, and I told ye ther was 
 some folks I had a tumble mean opinion of well, the 
 Widder Grimes is one on 'em she's the meanest 
 woman in the neighborhood." 
 
 " Is, hay ! Well I reckoned whether or no she wa'n't 
 when I seen her." 
 
 " And Charity 's a chip o' the old block. They git 
 their livin' by visitin' and borrerin'. They keep that 
 little black girl o' theirn on a trot the heft o' the time 
 runnin' after a little piece o' butter here, a half a loaf 
 o* bread there, and a little o' this that and t' other in 
 another place and they ain't everlastin' particklei 
 about payin*. They borrer a good deal o' me, and I 
 gmerally let 'em have it. 'T ain't much they ax for 
 at once, and I hate to refuse when I Ve got it in the 
 house. They send every lew days for a slice or tew 
 of bread, and so ii goes on for some time till wh.it 
 they Ve got amounts to mabbe, half a dozen loaves - 
 and then the little nigger comes in with a loaf o' bread.
 
 J26 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 and says she, ' Missy Grimes sends this loaf o' bread 
 and wants Missy Magwire to take off what's right, 
 The last time she sent hum bread in that way only 
 a few days ago husband was in I took the loaf and 
 was a gwine to cut off a piece as usual but husband 
 laid his hand on my arm, and says he, ' Stop, Melissy 
 don't you cut that here, Snowball, take it hum 
 and tell Miss Grimes 't wouldent be right to take off 
 none on V I don't know whether they took the hint 
 time '11 show. But I got rid o' ther borrerin' coffee 
 the slickest or ruther husband did 'twas his dew 
 ins. They used to send about once a week afitei 
 coffee and once in a while they 'd send hum a cup 
 full, ready ground and of all things ! such miserable 
 stuff I never laid my mouth tew I 't was as black as 
 dirt. I biled some on 't once or twice, and then I gin 
 it up for husband nor Jeff wouldent nary one on 
 'em touch it they declared 't wa'n't nothin' but burnt 
 bread-crusts. At last, one day when Miss Grimes 
 sent hum some coffee, husband happened to be in. 
 After the nigger 'd gone he says to me, says he, : Now, 
 Melissy, you save that coffee, and the next time Miss 
 Grimes sends to borrer, jest give it tew hsr.' Well, 
 't want long afore they sent agin. Dianny come in 
 with her cup and said Missy Grimes had company 
 come onexpected, and hadent no coffee burnt, and 
 wanted to git a little. So I goes to the cubberd and 
 fetches out the same old stuff and gives it tew her
 
 DISCOURSE ON VARIOUS TOPICS. 127 
 
 1 tell ye I felt rather mean when I gi'n it tew her, 
 but then I 'd promised husband I would, and besides. 
 I kind o' wanted to see how 't would operate. That 
 was three months ago, and they hain't sent for coffee 
 sence." 
 
 " Well that was about the cutest thing I ever heerd 
 o' your dewin, Melissy. You sarved 'em right. But 
 ain't it curus 't Cappen Smalley should be pleased with 
 Charity ? wonder if he knows how mean they be ?" 
 " If he did 't would be a recommendation tew him." 
 "What! Cappen Smalley ain't a tight man, is he?" 
 " Tight ! yes, tight as the skin tew his back." 
 "Well, now, I am beatl Why how oncommon 
 good and ginerous he talked t 7 other night, when he 
 come in to Parson Tattle 's, when we was there to tea 
 seemed to be so ingaged in every menevolent opera- 
 tion.' 
 
 " Yes, he 's famous for wishin' 't every body might 
 be warmed and clothed ; but somehow or another he 
 never hands over. Whenever any body goes tew him 
 with a subscription-paper, he always seems highly de- 
 lighted with it says it 's an excellent objick an 
 objick he feels wonderfully interested in he does 
 hope they '11 succeed m raisin' enough for ! r t would 
 be shameful if they dident. But he 'd rather not put 
 his name down he has an aversion to inakin' a dis- 
 play he wishes thej 'd go all round and raise what 
 they can. and if they don't git enough, come to him ;
 
 128 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 and he '11 make up what 's lackiri. Somehow or another 
 it don't often happen 't he 's called on to make up 
 what 's lackin' : when he is, lie 's generally niissin'. 
 Parson Tuttle don't seem to see through him yet he 
 thinks he 's a wonderful charitable man." 
 
 " Speakin' o' Parson Tuttle seems to me he ain't 
 very deep} 1 
 
 "O, Parson Turtle's considerable of a man; he's 
 young yet., but I think he 's got a good deal o' stami- 
 ny in him. He '11 improve as he grows older." 
 
 " "vTell, whether he improves or not, it 's my opin- 
 ion he won't never be able io held a candle to Elder 
 Sniffles." 
 
 " Granf'ther grievous I you ain't in airnest, Silly ?" 
 
 " I be tew. I think Elder Sniffles is equil to Parson 
 Potter." 
 
 " Well, T '11 give it Tip now. I always thought the 
 elder was ruther of a dough-head." 
 
 "Nothin* but prejudice, Melissy nothin' in the 
 world but prejudice, 'cause he happens to belong to a 
 different seek from yourn 't ain't right to be so set in 
 yer way." 
 
 " Deary me, Silly ! seems to me you 're got to be 
 wonderful forbeann', lately; you used to blaze away 
 about the Baptists turnbly." 
 
 " I know I dident use to like 'em much, but 't was 
 'cause J dident know much about 'em, and husband 
 you know, couldent Lear 'em. 1 '
 
 DISCOURSE ON VARIOUS TOPICS. 129 
 
 " Well, I disremember about that ; but I dew reinem 
 ber o' hearin' you blow him up once for gwlne to Bap- 
 tist meetin'." 
 
 " Well, I say for \ your memory 's wonderful good 
 considerable better 'n mine. Any how s'posen a 
 body does dislike a sartin seek, and express ther senti- 
 ments agin 'em is that any reason why they should 
 ent be open to conviction, and alter ther minds con 
 sarnin' em ?" 
 
 " To be sure not but it does seem queer to me 't 
 you should be so eat up with Elder Sniffles, when you 
 hain't heerd him preach but once : but he 's widdiwer 
 now, and I s'pose that makes his preachin' a good deal 
 interestiner. Shouldent wonder if you 'd heerd he 'd 
 lost his wife, afore you went to his meetin' hadent 
 ye ? now, Silly, own up." 
 
 " Melissy Magwire ! I should like to know what 
 you mean to insinniwate. If I take a notion to go to 
 Baptist meetin' or any other meetin', I got a right to 
 dew it, and I will dew it as much as I 'm a mind tew, 
 and if my motives is impunged, I can't help itthat 's 
 all." 
 
 Enter Mr. Maguire " What ye jawin', about, now ?" 
 
 " We wa'n't a jawin', was we, sister Bedott ? we 
 was only discussinV 
 
 "Cussin', hey? well, then, what was ye cus&in 
 about?" 
 
 " What a critter you be to misunderstand ! I did 
 6*
 
 130 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 ent say cussin\ but c?tscussin'. We was discussin' Elder 
 Sniffles ye know Silly thinks he 's something super- 
 natral." 
 
 " Haw ! haw ! haw ! what if Silly should git to be 
 a Baptist! wouldent it be a joke, though? But look 
 here, Silly, you must be earful how ye set yer traps 
 for the elder it might be dangerous to interfere with 
 Sally Hugle's pretensions. Don't ye s'pose wife, that 
 Sally 's ruther a squintin' that way ?" 
 
 " Well, I shouldent wonder if she was ; I don't 
 s'pose she 'd have any serus objections to changin' her 
 condition. That are piece of poitry o' hern, that cum 
 out in the paper last week, looked ruther pinted^ did* 
 ent it?" 
 
 " What I sister Magwire, you don't mean to say 't 
 Sally Hugle writes poitry ?" 
 
 "Lawful sakes, yes ! she writes bushels on \ curus 
 kind o' poitry, tew. Ther 's some on 't comes out al- 
 most every week in the ' Scrabble Hill Luminary 
 She signs it 'Hugeliner.' She generally calls 'em 
 'sunnets 1 Jeff says they ought to be called moonets, 
 cause they 're always full o' stuff about the moon and 
 stars, and so on. She 's always groanin' away about 
 her inward griefs, and unknown miseries. I don't know 
 what to make on 't. Sally Hugle never had no par- 
 tickler trouble as I know on without 't was her not 
 bein able to ketch a husband." 
 
 " See, wife what was that she writ on the death of
 
 DI8COUBSE ON VAEIOUS TOPICS 131 
 
 Elder Sniffleses wife? can't you remember some on 't 
 [ thought that was about as rich as any thing o' hern 
 [ 'd seen." 
 
 " Lemme see. I 'm sure I 'd ought to remember it ; 
 for Jeff had it over all the time for about a week a 
 singin' it through his nose to the tune o' ' Saint Mar- 
 tins' that goes shakin' up and down ye know, kind o' 
 sollem. Less see seems to me this was the way it 
 begun. 
 
 ' As droops the pale effulgent flower. 
 
 By wintry breezes tried 
 
 So, in an onexpected hour, 
 
 Dear Missis Snifflea died.' 
 
 Now what comes next ? Oh, I remember 
 
 ' No moie her sorrowin' pardner hears 
 
 The voice he loved below 
 While tears, unmitigated tears, 
 Eevepl his bosom's woe, 
 
 la that respect such grief as hisen 
 
 IP different from my own, 
 Which, in my heart's dark mournful prison, 
 
 Lies ranklin' unbeknown ' 
 
 " Ther s moie on : t, but I forgit what r tis." 
 
 " That 's enough any way, wife what do ye think 
 on 't, sister Bedott spose ye could beat it?" 
 
 " I should, be sorry if I couldent why I could 
 make better poitry 'n that by throwin' an inkstand at 
 a sheet o' paper. I wonder if she expects the elder '!] 
 be took with such sfciT. If he is, I 'm mistaken." 
 
 " S'pose you take bold, then, and see if ye can't
 
 132 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPEES. 
 
 write her down wouldent it be a capital idee, wife, 
 for Silly to write a piece o' poitry to the elder, and 
 have it printed in the * Luminary.' Come on, Silly 
 that you writ on Miss Crane's death was very toitchin\ 
 though it dident seem to touch Mr. Crane much." 
 
 " Brother Magwire, I look upon 't as an insult, to 
 have old Crane's name mentioned in my hearin' con- 
 Biderin' all the lies that 's told about him and me, and 
 all the trouble his disagreeable attentions gin me and 
 I hope in futur you '11 keep silent on that onpleasant 
 subjick." 
 
 " I beg yer pardon, sister Bedott. I forgot you was 
 so sore on that pint. But I 'm in arnest about that 
 poitry. Why not try, and see if you can't beat ' Hu- 
 geliner' all holler." 
 
 " Seems to me you 're changed yer mird about my 
 Doitry ; you used to turn up yer nose ai It." 
 
 " 0, well, my ta^te improves as I git older. I ad- 
 mire poitry more 'n i used to." 
 
 " Well, I '11 show you some srarses I writ a spell ago 
 on the Mexican War and see what you think on 
 'em " (She goes to bring them, and Mrs. Maguire re- 
 marks ) 
 
 ''Now, Joshaway, ain'* you ashamed o' yerself! 
 You 'd ought to know better 'n to go to puttin' Silly 
 up to writin' poitry first we know she '11 be a sendin' 
 some of her stuff to the 'Luminary,' and it '11 make 
 her ridickilous, and us tew."
 
 DISCOURSE ON VARIOUS TOPICS. 133 
 
 11 Don't fret your gizzard, Melissy. Nobody won't 
 think nothing she does is ridickilous for ye know its 
 ginerally thought she 's a rich widder, and every body '11 
 be ready to swaller her poitry I don't care if it 's the 
 tarnalest mess o stuff that ever was put together."
 
 xnr. 
 
 % 8i&0to (rafting fmfc tfcat <te SniflUs is Sitk, 
 fflritts to Jim. 
 
 DEAR ELDER: 
 T~ DON'T know but wliat you '11 consider it ruther 
 
 forrard in me to trouble you with this epistol, bein' 
 as I 'me a' most a strainger ; but I hope youle over- 
 look my appearent want of judition, and attribit this 
 communication to the oncommon interest I take in 
 your welfare, Sence the first time I heerd you preach, 
 I 've had had an undescriberble desire to hev some 
 privil conversation with you, in regard to the state o' 
 my mind your discourse was so wonderful searchin' 
 that I felt to mourn over my backslidden state o' 
 stewpidity, and my consarn has increased every time 
 I Ve sot under the droppin's o' your sanctuery. Last 
 night when I heerd o' your sickness, I felt wonderful 
 overcome ; onable to conseal my aggitation, I retired 
 to my chamber, and bust into a flood o' tears. I felt 
 for you, Elder Sniffles I felt for you I was won- 
 derful exercised in view of your lone condition. 0, 
 it 'd a terrible thing to be alone in the world ! I know
 
 WRITES TO ELDER SNIFFLES. 135 
 
 all about it by experience, for I Ve ben pardnerless 
 for nigh twelve year ; it 's a tryin' thing, but I thought 
 'I was better to be alone than to run enny resk for 
 you know it 's runnin' a grate resk to take a second 
 companion, espeshelly if they ain't decidedly pious- 
 and them that's tried to perswade me to change my 
 condition, dident none on 'em give very satisfactory 
 evidence of pioty 't ain't for me to say how menny 
 I Ve refused on account o' ther want o' religion. 
 Accordin' to my notions, riches and grander ain't to 
 be compaired to religion, no how you can fix it, and 
 T always told em so. But I was a tellin' how over- 
 come I was when I heerd o ; your bein' attackted with 
 influenzy. I felt as if I must go right over and take 
 care of you. I wouldent desire no better intertain 
 ment than to nuss you up, and if 't wa'n't for the 
 speech o' peeple, I 'd fly to your relefe instanter ; but 
 I know 't would make talk, and so I feel necessiated to 
 stay away. But I felt so consarned about you, that 
 I couldent help writin' these few lines to let you know 
 how anxious I be on your account, and to beg c' you 
 to take care o' yerself. dder, do be carefuJ the 
 iaiiuenzy 's a dangerous epedemio if you let it TUL. oil 
 without attendin' to it in season. Do be kerful con- 
 sider what a terrible thing 't would be for you to be 
 took away in the haight of yer usefulness ; and O, 
 elder, nobody wouldent feel yer loss with more inten- 
 situde than what I should, though mebby I hadent
 
 136 WIDOW BEDOTT P APE US 
 
 ought to say so. O, Elder Sniffles, I feel as if I 
 couldent part with you, no how. I 'me so interested 
 in your preachin', and it 's had such a wonderful at- 
 tendency to subdew my prejudices aginst your de- 
 nomination, and has sot me a considerin' whether or 
 no I wa'n't in the wrong. O, reverend elder, I intreat 
 you to take case o' yer preshus helth. I send you 
 herewith a paper o' boneset, you must make some 
 good stiff tea out, and drink about a quart to-night 
 afore you retire. Molasses and vinegar 's a good 
 thing too for a cold or coff ; jest take about a pint o' 
 molasses and bile it down with a teacup of vinegar 
 and a hunk o' butter as big as a hen's egg, and stir in 
 about a half a teacup full of pepper sass, and eat it 
 down hot jest afore bedtime and take a strip o' 
 flannil, and rub some hog's lard on 't, though goose 
 ile 's about as good, and pin it round yer throte right 
 off; and I send likewise a bag o' hops ; you must dip 
 it in bilin' vinegar, and lay it on yer chist when yo\i 
 go to bed, and keep a dippin' on 't as fast as it begins 
 to git cool; and jest afore you git into bed, s'Ae yer 
 feet in bilin' hot water with some red peppers in it , 
 now don't forgit nothin 3 1 've proscribed. But I was 
 a tellin' how exercised I felt last night when I heard 
 o' your sickness. I went immejitly to my chamber, 
 and gin way to my gfefe in a violent ilood of tears. 
 I retired to my couch o' repose, but my aggitation 
 pervented my sleepin'. I felt quite a call to express
 
 WRITES TO ELDER SNIFFLES. 137 
 
 my feelin's in poitry I 'me very apt to when enny 
 thing comes over me so I riz and lifted my candle, 
 and composed these stanzys, which I hope will be 
 agreeable to you. 
 
 O reverend sir, I do declare, 
 
 It drives me a' most to frenzy, 
 To think o' you a lyin' there 
 
 Down sick with influenzy. 
 
 A body 'd a thought it was enough 
 
 To mourn yer wife's departer, 
 Without such trubble as this 'ere 
 
 To come a follerin' artet. 
 
 But sickness and affliction is trials Bent 
 
 By the will o' a wise creation, 
 And allways ought to be underwent 
 
 With fortytude and resignation. 
 
 Then mourn not for yer pardner's death 
 
 But to submit endevver ; 
 For s'posen she hadent a died so soon. 
 
 She couldent a lived forever. 
 
 O, I could to your bedside fly, 
 
 And wipe yer weepin' eyes, 
 And try my best to cure you up, 
 
 If 't wouldent create surprise. 
 
 It 's a world o' trial we tarry in - 
 
 But elder, don't dispair ; 
 That you may soon be movin' agin, 
 
 Is constantly my prayer. 
 
 Both sick and well, yon. may depend 
 
 Youle never be forgot, 
 By your faithful and affectionate friend, 
 
 PEBOILLA POOL BIDOTT. 
 
 P. S. My nefew, Jefferson Magwire. will hand yon 
 this epistoL I should be wonderful happified to re
 
 138 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 ceve a few lines from you when you git able, jest to 
 show whether or no you think me forrard in address- 
 in' you in this manner. P. P. B. 
 
 P. S. Now do be cerful o' yerself, dear elder ex 
 cuse me for callin' you dear, it came out afore I was 
 aware on 't don't fail to foller my directions, espe- 
 shelly about the boneset ; it 's the sovereinst cure in 
 nature for influenzy and be sure to soke yer feet in 
 the hot water and peppers ther ain't nothin' like it 
 to fetch down infermation and bind up yer throte in 
 the iled flannel it prevents swellin' and I wouldent 
 have you forgit to use the hop-bag, for nothin' jest 
 keep a pan o' hot vinegar on top o' yer stove, and dip 
 the bag in it about once in ten minnits, all night 
 it '11 give you such a good night's rest hops is 
 eleepyfyin'. Committin' you to the care o' creation, 
 and hopin' youle be about agin in a few days, I sine 
 myself yourn, with consarn, 
 
 P. P. BEDOTT. 
 
 ELDER SNIFFLES' REPLY. 
 
 MOST WORTHY MRS. BEDOTT: 
 
 Your communication of yesterday was duly re- 
 ceived at the hand of your nephew. At the period 
 of its reception, I was laboring under too great a 
 degree of corporeal prostration to dictate an immedi 
 ate response. But at present, feeling my physical con-
 
 BLDEE SNIFFLES' EEPLY. 139 
 
 iition to be, to some extent, ameliorated, I hasten to 
 respond. Accept my most unqualified acknowledg- 
 ments for the interest which you apparently take in 
 my welfare and for the articles which you so kindly 
 transmitted by your nephew. Permit me, also, to 
 assure you of my abundant gratification at the assur- 
 ance that my unpretending discourses have been the 
 feeble instrument of exerting a salutary influence upon 
 your mind. I feel, most deeply do I feel, that I am 
 but a poor unworthy worm of the dust ; and it serves 
 but to augment my humiliation to reflect that my 
 labors in the field have been so signally blessed. Your 
 remedies, most excellent madam, I have applied in 
 accordance with your directions; and it affords me 
 no inconsiderable satisfaction to be able to say that I 
 think I can safely affirm that their effects upon my 
 system have been salubrious ; and I can but indulge 
 the hope that they will tend to my ultimate restora- 
 tion, I must not, however, omit to mention, that I did 
 not realize, to the full extent, the efficacy of the hop- 
 bag ; for after having arisen agreeably to your direc- 
 tions, some five or six times (it may be seven, I will 
 not venture to speak positively as to the number) and 
 immersed the hop-bag in the boiling vinegar, I re- 
 gret to say that I unintentionally fell into a state of 
 unconsciousness, from which I unhappily did not 
 awake until morning. Owing to this unfortunate oc- 
 currence, I probably did not enjoy the refreshing
 
 140 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPEES. 
 
 repose winch a constant application of the hot hop- 
 bag would have afforded. However, notwdthstand 
 ing this unintentional neglect, I am happy to state 
 that the virulence of my attack is decidedly abated. 
 
 I acknowledge myself deeply indebted for the poem 
 which accompanied your communication. It was 
 truly gratifying to my feelings. Your remark therein 
 embodied, that "we tarry in a world of trial," is a 
 very just one very, indeed. This is incontrovertibly 
 a life of trials of disappointments and fluctuations, 
 sent, undoubtedly, for the fortification of our faith. 
 It will afford me most unmitigated pleasure to con- 
 vese with you privately, in regard to your mind, and 
 to give you such instructions upon doctrinal points 
 as may be necessary and conducive to your spiritual 
 edification. With that view, I invite you to call at 
 my residence on Friday evening next, when, if no 
 unforeseen contingencies intervene to prevent, and my 
 corporeal condition continues to improve, I shall be 
 unoccupied and most happy to attend to your case, 
 and enlighten you in relation to such inquiries as you 
 may be pleased to propound. 
 
 With sentiments of unmitigated regard, 
 
 I remain your obliged friend, 
 
 O. SHADBACK SNIFFLES.
 
 XIY. 
 
 Sffitato e$0rts t0 ftte SnitKlw for 
 
 you gwine, sister Bedott?" 
 " Well, I thought I 'd go to Parson Turtle's 
 Friday evenin' lector." 
 
 " Why ther ain't none. Don't you remember Mr. 
 Tattle said last Sunday that he 'd got to be away to- 
 day, and the lectur 'd be omitted ?" 
 
 "0, sure enough so he did. - Bui come to think 
 don't you remember he said the brethsrn and sisters 
 might meet and have a season o' prayer?" 
 
 " 0, yes he did says so. But lawful sakes ! I don't 
 think it "s very edify in 5 to go set a hull evenin' and 
 hear Deacon Fustick and Deacon Peabody and old 
 Parker hold forth." 
 
 " Nor I nother. But then I think it 's my duty to 
 go once in a while. Ye know Scripter says we mua ri't 
 forsake the assemblin' of ourselves together. 1 guess 
 I 11 go tew night." 
 
 (She departs and proceeds to Elder Sniffles resi- 
 dence.)
 
 142 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 "Good evenin', Elder Sniffles. You see I m punc- 
 table to the time. I always make it a pint to be. I 
 think punctability 's very important." 
 
 " A very just remark, Mrs. Bedott it is so and 1 
 am most happy to receive you this evening." 
 
 " Well, how 's your health now ? Convalessin', I 
 hope?" 
 
 " It affords me the most unmitigated satisfaction to 
 be able to state that my corporeal system has, in a 
 great measure, recovered its usual tone/' 
 
 (With much fervor.) " O how thankful I be to hear 
 you say so, Elder Sniffles. You can't have the re 
 motest idee o' my anxiety on your account, and how 
 delighted I feel to find you so much better, and I 
 hope you Ve recovered yer tone so 's to be able to sing 
 agin. It 's a great blessin' to sing when a body has 
 such a powerful voice as yourn. I Ve obsarved it a 
 Sabberdays in meetin'. how oneasy I've been 
 about you when I thought you might be took away, 
 and me never hear you preach no more. I felt as if I 
 couldent submit to 't no how. 'T was a dretful sub- 
 jick o' retrospection to think o' your dessclueion. I 
 was wonderful glad to git your letter, and kno v 't you 
 dident think I 'd overtopt the bounds of propriety in 
 writin' to you. I was so afeared you would. But I 
 felt so consarned for fear you wouldenc be comfortable 
 and have such jare as you 'd ought tew livin' all 
 alone so- nobody in the house but a little chore-gal
 
 BESOBTS TO ELDEB SNIFFLES. 143 
 
 and what does she know about taking care of a sick 
 man?" 
 
 "0, Sally does very. well. As a general thing she 
 discharges the duties devolving upon her with fidelity 
 and" 
 
 "As fur as you know, undoubtedly but 't ain't 
 likely you know jest how things goes on. I never 
 know'd a gal o' her age but what wanted watchin' 
 every minnit. You can't trust 'em they 're such 
 highty-tighty critters. And then the best on 'em 
 wants a head to oversee 'em all the time the very 
 best on 'em can't dew for you as a pardr.er ^ould. 
 0, when an indiwiddiwal 's sick then 's tht tLne. they 
 feel the want of a companion, and ministers it so apt 
 lo git sick, ye know." 
 
 "A very just remark, ma'am very indeed. Our 
 profession is arduous. I myself am the subject of 
 frequent valetudinary attacks the effects, undoubted- 
 ly, of intense application." 
 
 " Jest so. I remember Parson Potter, our minister 
 in Wiggletown, used to Lave a great many f Dr turns, 
 dispepshy-like his vittals distresst him." 
 
 ' He was a Presbyterian clergyman, I supDOse." 
 
 4 \ es . He labored in Wiggletown ten years. My 
 husband was deacon all the time he was there. Died 
 about a year after Parson Potter left there Husband 
 used to have such attacks as yourn, tew. He enjoyed 
 miserable health for a number o' year afore he died
 
 144 WIDOW BEDOTT PA.PEBS. 
 
 He was a feeble constitutioned man. I s'pose he 
 wouldent a lived no wher nigh as long as he did if I 
 hadent a ben undefateegable in takin' care of him. 
 0, how I did watch that man! For six or seven 
 fears afore his dessolution I gi'n up my hull time tew 
 Mm. The neighbors used to say, ' Miss Bedott, you '11 
 sartinly wear yerself out takin' care o' the deacon.' 
 1 Woll,' says I, ' it '11 be in a good cause if I dew. I 
 consider it a duty and a privilege to devote myself to 
 my husband. I don't want no better occerpation.' 
 Ajid 'twas a wonderful comfort tew me after his 
 dizeaac, to think I had been so devoted. elder, 
 mine war a dretful loss ! I 've always felt as if 
 t would be very difficult to make it up to me. My 
 friends has wondered at me for continiwin single 
 so long, "but, as I obsarved in my letter, I always 
 told 'em 't was a very resky bisness to take a second 
 paidner, very resky, indeed. Don't you think so, 
 elder?" 
 
 'I do, indeed; the selection of a consort, either 
 first or second, is a matter of immense importance, 
 and involves consequences of tremendous magnitude. 
 IE my opinion, it " 
 
 k 'I says to 'em, says I, when they was a teazin' ma 
 to git married agin, I says to 'em, says I, don't speak 
 on ':, don't I've had one o' best o' men for a pard- 
 r.er, an I I lived in the greatest conjugial felicitude 
 with aim ; and that 's the reason why I 'm so pertick
 
 RESORTS TO ELDER SNIFFLES 146 
 
 ler now piety's every thing don't you think so, 
 Elder Sniffles?" 
 
 " A very just remark, Mrs. Bedott piety is every 
 thing, truly. Your late consort was, undoubtedly, a 
 pious individual; though, as you begin to perceive, 
 being a Presbyterian, he must necessarily have held 
 some views which undoubtedly were were " 
 
 "Yes husband was ruther sot in his way, and 
 that 's the reason why I never got inlightened on some 
 pints husband always thought every thing Parson 
 Potter said was jest right ; and Parson Potter was a 
 wonderful prejudiced man. He writ a couple o' sar- 
 mons aginst the Baptists, and had 'em printed ; and 
 husband used to read 'em over and over again. Yes 
 't ain't to be denied that husband was mistaken on 
 some doctrinal pints my mind has been wonderfully 
 exercised about it lately." 
 
 " I should judge so from your letter; and I trust " 
 
 "Ever sence the first time I heerd you preach, I've 
 felt oneasy ; I says to my nephew Jefferson Magwire 
 (ye know he went with me to the meetin') Jeff, 
 says I, I feel as if I must hear Elder Sniffles converse. 
 You see, Jeff had been a tellin' me afore we went 
 what an interestin' preacher you was ; but I 'd no idee 
 I should be so much affected mabby you obsarved 
 I was quite overcome at one part o' the discourse; 
 't was when you dwelt upon the changeable natur of 
 arthly happiness the onsartinty of every thing it
 
 i'i6 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 touched a tender pint, I thought how it applied to 
 my case my circumstances is so changed alone in 
 the world without a sympathizin' buzzom to lean on 
 nobody to take any pertickler intrest in me." [She 
 covers her face with her handkerchief, and appears 
 much agitated.] 
 
 "But, Mrs. Bedott, in this mundane sphere, we 
 should endeavor to be prepared for the innumerable 
 fluctuations which " 
 
 " I 'm aware on 't, Elder Sniffles I 'm intirely 
 aware o' the truth o' what you obsarve ; but then you 
 know an indiwiddiwal in my sittiwation has so many 
 onpleasat things to incounter ; if they 're ever so ker- 
 ful, folks will talk and say they 're a gwine to change 
 ther condition and be all the time a pickin' out this 
 one and that one for 'em when they hain't no more 
 idee o' changin' ther condition than they have o' flyin'. 
 And then ther 's another dretful trial we have to un- 
 dergo ; dew what we will, we can't git red o' the im- 
 partinent attentions o' the men folks. If we 're ever 
 BO stiff and haughty tew 'em, they won't seem to mind 
 it a speck ; they will keep a makin' up tew us rand 
 you 've no idee how dizagreeable 't is 't was the prin- 
 cipal cause o' my leavin' Wiggletown. As long as 
 my son and darter was with me, I felt as if 't was my 
 duty to stay there^but when they got married and 
 left me, it seemed as if I couldent stan' it no longer 
 not that I Ve got any thing to say against the indi
 
 RESORTS TO ELDER SKIFFLES. 147 
 
 widiwals that was pleased with me 't waVt their fault 
 that I wa'n't suited with ary one on 'em ; but 't was 
 very onpleasant to be the objick o' their preference, 
 when I couldent recipperate none o' ther feelins and 
 was detarmined never to unite my destination to a per- 
 son that was destitue o' religion. 'T was a tryin' siti- 
 wation to be placad in : but dear me ! it 's awful tryin 1 
 to be without a companion, as I remarked in some 
 Btanzys I was a writin' 't other day. 
 
 What sittiwation can be wuss 
 
 Than not to have nobody to care for us I 
 
 Riches and honors that most folks prize, 
 
 Ain't of no vally hi my eyes 
 
 In comparison with a congenial heart, 
 
 In all our consams to take a part ; 
 
 To recipperate all oar buzzom's emotions, 
 
 And to take the lead in our daily devotions. 
 
 " Ain't them your sentiments, elder?" 
 " They are so, Mrs. Bedott ; the society of a conge- 
 nial spirit is truly desirable. In particular, I consider 
 congeniality of sentiments to be indispensable as re- 
 gards-religious opinions ; and as you have expressed a 
 desire to receive some instructions relating to doctrinal 
 points " 
 
 " Yes, I have felt very much exercised lately. I Ve 
 felt to deplore my lukewarmuess and want o' zeal, 
 but especially I Ve felt to mourn over my former prej- 
 udices against your seek : but you see I Ve always ben 
 placed under onfortinate circumstences circumstences 
 that 's had an attendency to exart an onfavorable in
 
 148 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 fluence on my religious faith ; and it actiJly seems as 
 if the hand o' Providence was in my comin' here to 
 Scrabble Hill, instid o' concludin' to go to Varmount 
 to my brother, Christopher Columbus Poole's. They 
 wanted I should come there, but somehow another I 
 felt a loud call to come here. I speak on 't in another 
 stanzy o' the same poem I illuded tew jest now. I 
 says, says I 
 
 Yes, sartin there was a providence iu it, 
 And I shall always bless the minnit 
 That fixed my choice on Scrabble Hill, 
 Instid o' the town o' Buttonville 
 
 S'posen I 'd a went to Buttonville, and stayed all win- 
 ter, instid o' comin' here how different my circum- 
 stences would a ben. O, Elder Sniffles, what a privi- 
 lege 't is to set Sabberday after Sabberday under your 
 preachin', and to be permitted to come to yer house 
 and injoy the benefit o' hearin' you convarse on relig- 
 ious subjicks. I dew feel as if I couldent be thankful 
 enough. The day you was t' our house to dinner, I 
 was wonderfully interested in yer conversation. I 
 e'pose you obsarved I was ruther tackciturn most o' 
 the time 't was cause I felt under considerable con- 
 straint. Sister Magwire and her husband is very well 
 meanin' folks, but they 're dretful narrer minded and 
 sot in ther way. I don't never feel free to express my 
 mind afore 'em as I 'd like tew you know a body 
 can't when they 're so sittiwated "
 
 RESORTS TO ELDER SNIFFLES. 149 
 
 , "Exactly a very just remark in order to enjoy 
 the entire benefit of intellectual or religious discourse, 
 an individual must be wholly unrestrained. The pre- 
 sent occasion, therefore, is one suited to " 
 
 "Yes, felt so gratified when I got your letter and in- 
 vitation to come round here to-night. 0, thinks me, 
 what a blessid privilege 't is I dew hope I 'preciate 
 it but 0, elder, elder, what if it should git out that I 
 come here .alone, and in the evenin' ! What would 
 some folks say ? You know ther 's so many that 's 
 ready to ketch up every little thing, and make the 
 most on 't. Gracious sakes alive ! what should I dew 
 if the story should get round that I was settin' my cap 
 for you ! and I know 't would if Sally Hugle should 
 find out I come here to-night they say she 's a dret- 
 ful meddlin' critter, and I 'm sure she don't feel none 
 o' the frenliest to me ; I s'pose it 's cause I hain't shew- 
 ed no great anxiety to cultivate her society. The fact 
 is the minnit I first set my eyes on her, I made up my 
 mind she wa'n't a person I cared about havin' for an 
 intimit : her countenance is so dizagreeable. I should 
 know she had an onpleasant disposition; thinks me 
 she 's got grit and no mistake. Brother Magwire says 
 he should pity any man that would be draw'd in by 
 her, cause she 's so lazy. They say when she ain't a 
 spinnin' street yarn, she don't dew nothin' but write 
 poitry ; her mother and sister Polly has the hull heft 
 fl 1 the housekeepin 1 on their shoulders. Now I say
 
 150 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 ther ain't no need o' neglectin' yer duties to write poi- 
 try : for I Ve writ a sight on 't in my day enough, I 
 should say, to fill a bushel basket and nobody can't 
 say 't I ever allowed it to interfere with my domestic 
 consarns. A body can write poitry and be industrous 
 tew. And massy on me ! such poitry as hern ! did 
 you ever ! but 't ain't for me to crittycise other folkses 
 writin's, nor I don't want to say nothin' deroggery to 
 Sally Hugle only I deiv hope she never '11 find out 
 about my comin' here. 0, Elder Sniffles, I 'm a lone 
 woman ; ther ain't nobody to stan' up for my rights, 
 if the voice o' slander should be raised aginst me." 
 [She weeps.] 
 
 " Be calm, Mrs. Bedott [he approaches and sita 
 down beside her] permit me to assure you that your 
 apprehensions are utterly groundless. You are quite 
 too sensitive quite. It is no unusual circumstance for 
 individuals of your sex to resort to me for religious 
 instruction and private conversation in regard to the 
 Btate of their minds." 
 
 " Does Sally Hugle ever come for private conversa- 
 tion?" 
 
 "I believe indeed it strikes me that Miss Hugle 
 has done so once or twice." 
 
 " 0, Elder Sniffles, beware of that critter. Depend 
 nn 't 't ain't for the sake o' gittin instruction she comes. 
 It 's jist for to insiniwate herself into your favor and 
 judgin' from what I Ve seen and heerd of her, I
 
 BESOETS TO ELDER SNIFFLES. 151 
 
 shouldent wish my worst innemy a greater cuss 
 than to git her for a pardner. Old maids always 
 makes miserable wives and of all things, to think o' 
 such a person as Sally Hugie bein' united to a man 
 like Elder Sniffles ! A man that ought to have the 
 very salt of the arth for a companion. O, its awful I 
 'T would put an eend to your usefulness, depend on V 
 
 " Compose yourself, my dear madam. Your fears 
 are unfounded. The interest which you take in my 
 welfare touches me deeply. If the period should ever 
 arrive when I shall deem it essential to select a second 
 consort, believe me, I shall " 
 
 "O, Elder Sniffles!" 
 
 " I shall proceed with the utmost caution and pru- 
 dence." 
 
 [A hurried knock is heard at the door.] 
 
 " There ! some body 's a comin'. I must go." 
 
 " "Well, allow me to entreat you to lay aside all ap- 
 prehensions, and resort to me whenever you wish to 
 unburden your mind, or receive religious instruction." 
 
 " I 'm very much obleeged to ye, Elder Sniffles, very 
 much, indeed. I feel as if ycur conversation this 
 Bvenin' had done me a great deal o' good."
 
 XV. 
 
 10 
 
 " O EE here. Aunt Bedott, here's another poem by 
 
 ^ Hugelina." 
 
 "Is, hey? What's she groanin' about now? be- 
 witched to die yet ?" 
 
 " No it seems to be a sort of lament occasioned 
 by Elder Sniffle's sickness." 
 
 " You don't ! now what a bare-faced critter she is 
 to come right out so in the face and eyes of all creation 
 ain't it astonishin'? She's purty late in the day 
 tew with her lamentin' the elder's got about agin 
 preached last Sabberday." 
 
 " Yes ; but you know he was laid up Sunday before 
 last and I suppose they dident get the poetry in time 
 to bring it out last week." 
 
 " Well dew read it, for pity's sake I want to hear 
 vhat the critter says." 
 
 SONNET. 
 
 O, lyre of mine, divulge thy saddest strain 
 In melancholy thunder-tones of woe I 
 
 In gloomiest accents deep of quivering pain, 
 Thy moiirnful nnmhers on the midmight throw} 
 A direful theme demands thy anguished flow ;
 
 CONCLUDE-S TO PUBLISH. 153 
 
 For sighing on his lonely oonch of griefj 
 Truth's champion languisheth without relief! 
 
 Yon vacant, voiceless desk proclaims aloud 
 The ahsence of his eloquential tongue, 
 
 Which held in wondering chains the admiring crowd 
 And carried conviction both to old and young. 
 
 The arduous duties of his sacred falling 
 
 Have caused this casuallity appalling, 
 "While in dark weeds of crape my wailing lyre is hung ! 
 
 " Well now, if that don't beat all ! did you ever seo 
 any thing so redickilous in all your born days ? you 
 may talk as much as you 're a mind tew about ' hidden 
 meanin'.' I believe if there 's any meanin' at all in a 
 thing it '11 show out some wher and for my part, I 
 can't see a speck nor grain o' sense in that are piece. 
 What on arth does the simpleton mean by blazin 
 away so about her ' liar' and its ' thunder tones' and 
 1 mournin' weeds,' and all that? I should think Elder 
 Sniffles would feel insulted by such a mess o' stuff 
 shouldent you ?" 
 
 " O, no, I dare say he '11 consider it quite compli- 
 mentary ; don't you see she talks about his eloquence 
 drawing admiring crowds, and so forth ? I guess 
 she means to catch the elder if she can ; any how she 
 seems to be making a dead set at him, and I should n't 
 wonder if she should succeed." 
 
 " Well, if Sal Hugle ketches Elder Sniffles with 
 such trash as that, I '11 give it up that 's all ; but I 
 don't bleve she will he ain't so big a fool as to have 
 the wool drawd over his eyes in that way." 
 7*
 
 IM WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 " But you know she may possess other attractions 
 besides her poetical talents." 
 
 '' Other attractions ! goody grievous ! I wonder what 
 they be 1 Of all created critters she 's the dizagree- 
 ablest I sver see, and so awfully humbly I shouldent 
 think she oculd feel comfortable. I guess she s one 
 o' theLD that s tew humbly to relish ther vittals. But 
 for all that) I blev3 she thinks she 's quite handsome. 
 What a way she's got o' fixin' her hair them great 
 long stringlefcs a dang] in' down her cheeks her phiz- 
 mahogany's narrer enough without 'ern, I 'm sure. I 
 met her yisterday as I was gwine to the store, and 
 'twas as mujh as I could dew to keep from bnstin' 
 right out a laughin' in her face. She had on that 
 are everlastin' red hood that shows the hull o' her 
 face, and her curls was a streamin' down over the 
 corners of her mouth, so 't a body 'd a ben pestered 
 to tell how far round it went ; and she was a salin' 
 along like t. goose in a mud puddle, with her great 
 eyes a siarin' straight at nothin'. She 's got a way o' 
 lookin' as if she was gazin' into futewrity." 
 
 "That's a mark of genius, you know a sign 
 tiat she lives in the shadowy regions of imagina- 
 tion " 
 
 "Shaddery fiddle-stick?" 
 
 '' She was probably composing a sonnet when you 
 met her." 
 
 " Shoudent wonder if she was she looked as if
 
 CONCLUDES TO PUBLISH. 156 
 
 she was occupied with, somethin' despirit. Well, if I 
 couldent make out better 'n she does, I 'd hang up my 
 fiddle that 's all !" 
 
 "Well, aunty, why don't you write some poetry 
 for the ' Luminary ?' come, suppose you try your 
 hand at it you 're great on poetry." 
 
 "0, I don't feel willin' to make myself so con- 
 spiciwus." 
 
 " O fudge ! that 's nonsense every one ought to be 
 willing to exercise their gift, you know." 
 
 " Well, it does look reasonable, but your mar always 
 discourages me about writin' poitry." 
 
 "What of that? father and I don't, and I'm sure 
 we re quite as competent judges as mother is. Come 
 now, if you '11 write a piece of poetry I '11 take it to 
 the * Luminary' to-morrow before I go back to Coon- 
 ville. I know you can beat Hugelina. Mother 
 need n't know any thing about it till it comes out, and 
 then she can't help herself." 
 
 " Well, I don't know but what I will, i 've got a 
 piece begun that I think 's about as good as any thin' 
 I Ve writ in some time. Mabby I '11 finis! that off 
 and send it." 
 
 " What 's the subject ?" 
 
 " Well, it treats o' the onsartainty o' terrestrious 
 things. 'T was occasioned by a remark in the first 
 sarmon I ever heard Elder Sniffles preach. You know
 
 156 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 he spoke o' our bein' enable to calkilate with anj 
 degree o' sartainty." 
 
 " yes, I remember it very well ; tliat would be a 
 first-rate subject to write upon." 
 
 '"I begin by alludin' to the elder's sarmon, and 
 then I goes on to testify to the truth on 't by showin' 
 how diffikilt 't is to make any kind o' calkilation 
 about any thing, bein' as all things of a transiterry 
 natur is so onsartin. But I '11 go get it and show it 
 tew ye, and then you can see for yourself. Here 't is." 
 (Jeff reads it.) 
 
 " That's capital, Aunt Silly. Send it by all meuns. 
 I '11 copy it off in a larger hand, so that it can be read 
 more easily. And what shall we call it ? Suppose 
 we entitle it " Can't Calculate." 
 
 " Well, I should think that would be very appro- 
 briate." 
 
 " On second thoughts, I guess we '11 just call it ' K. K.' 
 that stands for 'can't calculate,' you know and 
 there '11 be something striking and original about it, 
 too." 
 
 " Jest so. Well, you may fix it out as you 're a 
 mind to but I'll take it and add on a few more 
 Btanzys first." 
 
 " no, you need n't, it 's plenty long enough they 
 don't like to print long articles." 
 
 " Don't, hey ? Well, it seems as if 't wa'n't hardly long 
 enough to pay a body for the trouble o' readin' on 't "
 
 CONCLUDES TO PUBLISH, 157 
 
 " Yes it is. It is n't so much the length of a poem 
 as the excellence of it that folks look at, you know." 
 
 " Well, I don't know but you 're right, though I 
 remember how 't Zebidee Higgins used to write very 
 long pieces. He writ a good deal for the ' "Wiggle- 
 town Banner,' and when Minarvy Pike died he writ 
 a piece on her death, and had it printed alone by itself 
 on a big sheet o' paper, and sold 'em for a shillin' 
 apiece. Ther was risin' a hundred varses on't. I 
 remember when he was a carryin' 'em around to sell, 
 he come t' cur house, and husband bought one. 
 When he see how long 't was, he says,' says he to Zeb, 
 'Why, Zebidee, what was yer object in havin' on't 
 so long ?' Says Zeb, says he, ' Don't ye s'pose I 
 wanted folks should git the worth o' their money ?' 
 But as I don't charge nothin' for this ere, 't ain't so 
 much matter about its length, I s'pose. There, yer 
 
 mar 's a comin', stick it away for pity's sake." 
 ******* 
 
 [Messrs. Gamble and Spratt, editors of the " Scrab- 
 ble Hill Luminary," discuss the merits of the widow's 
 poem.] 
 
 "See here, Gamble. What d'ye think! that 
 hatchet faced old svoman down at Maguire's has sent 
 us a piece o' poetry." 
 
 " The dogs she has ! Well, I swow I am beat now. 
 She looks as little like the votary of the muses as any 
 body I ever saw. What for poetry is it ?"
 
 1 168 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 " I '11 be bound if I know what to make of it, and 
 so I told Jeff Maguire, who handed it in just now. 
 Jeff says she 's quite an eccentric character, and I 
 should think so by this. I don't know what 's best to 
 do ibout it." [Gamble reads it.] 
 
 "Jupiter ! that 's rich, ain't it?" 
 
 "Don't exactly like to reject it don't want to make 
 her mad th^y say she 's rich as mud liviu' on the 
 interest of her money. What shall we do with the 
 thundering stuff?" 
 
 " Why, print it, to be sure. I '11 write a puff for it. 
 I 'm great on editorials, you know." 
 
 "Are you in earnest, Gamble?" 
 
 " Certainly I am. I think thsre 's more sense in it 
 than there is in Miss Hugle's poetry, and you never 
 hesitate at all about accepting any thing from her." 
 
 " But hers sounds big, you know, and half the folks 
 in the world thinks that 's poetry whether ther 's any 
 sense in it or not." 
 
 " I know it, but ' Hugelina' is the only poetical con- 
 tributor we have, and she 's almost worn out. I Ve 
 puffed her and puffed her till I am almost tired of th3 
 business. I should like a change. There 's something 
 decidedly new about this. You leave it to me, I '11 
 manage it. I confess you 're greater on politics, and 
 BO forth, than I am, but it takes me to do up the fine 
 arts." 
 
 " Jeff seemed to be sorry not to find you in wheu
 
 CONCLUDES TO PUBLISH. 159 
 
 he came. I suppose lie saw that I hesitated a little 
 about taking it, and he knew you would n't you 're 
 both of you up to all sorts of deviltry but he looked 
 as serious as a parson. I '11 be hanged if I know 
 whether he was in earnest about wishing us to publish 
 this plaguy stuff or not." 
 
 "In. earnest? of course he was. If he wasn't> I 
 am. I nevei interfere with your department, and you 
 ought not to with mine. My voice is for the old gal 
 so, hurra for the ' Editor's comments.' " 
 
 " It affords us the most indubitable pleasure to be 
 able to enrich our ' Poet's Corner' of this week's Lumi- 
 nary with a gem from the pen of a new contributor. 
 The extreme simplicity of the diction presents a strik- 
 ing contrast to the more highly wrought and elabo- 
 rate styie oi our own gifted ' Hugelina,' and strongly 
 reminds one of the effusions of the early masters of 
 English poesy, when the muse was in her pristine 
 purity. All worshipers of the truthful the pure 
 the earnest and the unadorned in poetry, will rejoice 
 with us that a brighter day appears about to dawn 
 upon our poetical horizon, and that the time is proba- 
 bly not far distant when nature shall assert her suprem- 
 acy over art in the dominions of the muse. We 
 hope to hear often from our fair correspondent."
 
 160 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 K. K. CAN'T CALCULATE. 
 
 What poor short-sighted worms we be 
 
 For we can't calculate 
 With any sort of sartintee, 
 
 What is to be our fate. 
 
 These words Prissilla's heart did reach 
 And caused her tears to flow, 
 
 When first she heard the Elder preach 
 About six months ago. 
 
 How true it is what he did state, 
 
 And thus affected her, 
 That nobody can't calculate 
 
 What is a gwine to occur. 
 
 When we retire, can't calculate 
 
 But what afore the morn 
 Our housen will conflaggerate 
 
 And we be left forlorn. 
 
 Can't calculate when we come in 
 
 From ary neighborin' place, 
 Whether we '11 ever go out agin 
 
 To look on natur's face. 
 
 Can't calculate upon the weather, 
 
 It always changes so ; 
 Hain't got no means of telling whether 
 
 It 's gwine to rain or snow. 
 
 Can't calculate with no precision 
 
 On naught beneath the sky ; 
 And so I 've come to the decision, 
 
 That Hain't worth while to try. 
 
 PKISSILLA
 
 XYI 
 
 
 0tt f fta 
 
 " C AY, sister Magwire, can't you spend time jest to 
 come here a minnit and look at mj caps. I 
 want to ax you which I 'd better wear to-day. I don't 
 want to wear it to meetin', cause my bunnit would 
 jam ii all down but I want to make up my mind 
 aforehand about it so 's not to lose no time when I 
 git hum. Come quick, dew the bell '11 ring in a 
 minnit. O, here ye be ; well, now tell, which o' these 
 caps is the becominest." 
 
 " Why, you Ve got a regiment on 'em seems to me." 
 
 " Yes ; I 'm well on 't for caps but the half on 'em 
 was giv' tew me. Here 's one, though, 't I made my- 
 self. I wore it to Kier's weddin'. How does it 
 look ?" (She puts it on.) 
 
 " Somehow, I don't like that much it sticks up tew 
 high on top: and then them yaller bows looks so 
 kind o' darw? t and then them red artifishels is ruther 
 extensive. I reckon you look better without artifishels." 
 
 " Well, lemme try on this ere ; Melissy gin it tevf 
 me. I always thought 't was quite becomin'."
 
 162 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 " Well, I don't agree with ye, Silly I think there 's 
 tew much ribbin on 't pink ribbin tew ; don't you 
 think pink ribbin 's a'most tew young for you ?" 
 
 " O, dretful suz, Melissy I what foolish idees yen Ve 
 got ! you 're always a takin' me to dew about dressin' 
 tew young. What 's the use o' makin' an old woman 
 o' myself afore I be one? But come to think, this 
 would be ruther dressy for to-day, seein' the minister 's 
 a comin'. See 'f ye like this ere any better 't was a 
 present from Sam Pendergrasses wife, not long afore 
 I come away. I never wore it but once." 
 
 " Well I reckon that looks woss than the pink one 
 - -blue makes you look kind o' sguawy ; you 're rather 
 dark complected ; and blue 's a tryin color for dark 
 Bkins." 
 
 "Well, I never thought I was so wonderful dark 
 complected, I 'm sure. I wonder if this one '11 suit 
 ye any better. Kier's wife gin it tew me. I hain't 
 never wore it at all ; thought I shouldent, 'cause it 's 
 BO tumble old-womanish and quakery. I fetcht it 
 along, cause I thought mabby Seliny 'd be mad if I 
 dident but I don't see what on arth she meant by 
 givin' me such a lookin' thing." 
 
 "Now, Silly, I don't see how you can talk so for 
 my part, I like that better 'n ary one you Ve tried on 
 That are white satin trimmin' looks so kind o' neat 
 and plain. It 's a purty shape tew comes down fur- 
 der 'n tho others onto yer face and that ? s an im-
 
 THANKSGIVING DAY. 163 
 
 . provement, pern' as you 're ruther long- favored. I 'd 
 wear that by all means, Silly." 
 
 " You would ! well now I am beat why ther ain't 
 a color about it but white." 
 
 " All the better for that ; it 's enough ginteeler 'n 
 them flambergasted blue and yaller things > and then 
 the elder 's a comin', ye know." 
 
 "Jest so ; well I guess I will wear it considerin' '' 
 
 "And yer black silk gownd and muslin under- 
 handkercher you look best in them of any thing 
 you Ve got." 
 
 "Well, I don't know but what I will murder! 
 there 's the bell, and I hain't begun to be ready ; never 
 mind, I won't dress till I git hum ; this ere allipacker 
 looks well enough to wear to meetin'. I '11 jest throw 
 on my mankiller and bunnit 't won't take me long ; 
 wish you could go Melissy but I know ye can't and 
 git dinner tew ; the elder 's a gwine to preach in your 
 meetin'-house, hey? well, that looks brotherly ; Bap- 
 tists preach in your meetin'-house one year and your 
 minister preach in theirn the next I like the idee, 
 Is my bunnit on strait? This glass makes me look 
 kind o' skew-jawed never know whether my things 
 La in decent order and reglar rotation or not, when I 
 git 'em on. How does this ere scarf go ? Where 1 s 
 brother Magwire and Jeff, I wonder ? How thought- 
 ful 't was in Jeff to ax the elder here to dinner- he 'd 
 E, ben so lonesome to hum all alone. Melissv, I begin
 
 164 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 to have considerable hopes o' Jeff shouldei-t wonde/ 
 if he should turn out quite a stiddy man after all. 
 Here they come.'' 
 
 ****** 
 
 " Elder Sniffles, let me give you another piece o' the 
 turkey." 
 
 "I'm obleeged to you, Mr. Maguire; you probably 
 recollect that I remarked in my discourse this morn- 
 ing, that individuals were too prone to indulge in an 
 excessive indulgence in creature comforts on thanks- 
 giving occasions. In view of the lamentable fact that 
 the sin of gormandizing is carried to a sinful excess 
 on this day, I, as a preacher of the Gospel, deem it my 
 duty to be unusually abstemious on such occasions : 
 nevertheless, considering the peculiar circumstances 
 under which I am placed this day, I think I will 
 waive objections and take another small portion of the 
 turkey." 
 
 "That's right elder what part will you take 
 now ?" 
 
 " Well, I 'm not particular ; a small quantity of the 
 breast, with a part of a leg and some of the stuffing, 
 will be quite sufficient." 
 
 " Pass the cramberries to Elder Sniffles, Jeff elder 
 help yourself; wife give the elder some more o' the 
 turnip sass and potater." 
 
 " Thank you, Mrs. Maguire. I am an advocate foi 
 a vegetable diet and have always maintained that it
 
 THANKSGIVING DAY 165 
 
 is more congenial to individuals of sedentary habits 
 and intellectual pursuits like myself, than animal 
 food." 
 
 " Jeff, my son, pass the bread. Sister Bedott send 
 your plate for some more o' the turkey." 
 
 " No, I 'm obleeged to ye I 've had sufficient." 
 
 " Jeff, cut the chicken pie." 
 
 " Sure enough I almost forgot that I was to carve 
 the pie Aunt Silly you '11 take a piece of it, won't 
 you?" 
 
 " Well, I don't care if I dew take a leetle mite on 't. 
 I'm a great favoryte o', chicken pie always thought 
 't was a delightful beverage don't you Elder Snif- 
 fles?" 
 
 " A very just remark, Mrs. Bedott very indeed ; 
 chicken pie is truly a very desirable article of food." 
 
 " Allow me to help you to some of it, elder." 
 
 " Thank you, my young friend ; as I before remark- 
 ed, I am entirely opposed to an immoderate indulgence 
 of the appetite at all times, but particularly on thanks- 
 giving occasions and am myself always somewhat 
 abstemious. However, I consider it my duty at the 
 present time to depart, to some extent, from the usual 
 simplicity of my diet. I will, therefore comply with 
 your request and partake of the chicken pie." 
 
 " Take some more o' the cramberry sass, elder : 
 cramberries is hulsome." 
 
 " A very just remark, Mrs. Maguire they are BO ,
 
 166 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 nevertheless, I maintain that we should not indulge 
 too freely in even the most wholesome of creature 
 comforts ; however, since you desire it, I will take a 
 small portion more of the cranberries." 
 
 " Husband, dew pass that pickled tongue it hain't 
 been touched take some on 't Elder Sniffles." 
 
 " I 'in obliged to you, Mrs. Maguire but I confess 
 I am somewhat fearful of taking articles of that de- 
 scription upon my stomach, as they create a degree of 
 acidity which is incompatible with digestion. Is it 
 not so my young friend ? You are undoubtedly pre- 
 pared to decide, as you are, I believe, pursuing the 
 study of the medical science." 
 
 " I think you are altogether mistaken, Elder Snif- 
 fles. We should always take a due proportion of 
 acid with our food, in order to preserve the equilibrium 
 of the internal economy, and produce that degree of 
 effervescence which is necessary to a healthy secre 
 tion." 
 
 " Exactly. Your views of the subject is one which 
 never struck me before; it seems a very just one. I 
 will partake of the pickled tongue in consideration of 
 your remarks." 
 
 " Take a slice on 't, Sister Bedott. You seem to 
 need some tongue to-day you 're oncommon still." 
 
 " What a musical man you be, brother Magwire ! 
 but it strikes me when an indiwiddiwal has an oppor- 
 tunity o' hearin' intellectible conversation they 'd bet
 
 THANKSGIVING DAY. 167 
 
 ter keep still and improve it. Ain't it so, Elder 
 Sniffles?" 
 
 "A very just remark, Mrs. Bedott; and one which 
 has often occurred to my own mind." 
 
 " Take some more of the chicken pie, Elder Snif- 
 fles." 
 
 " Excuse rne, my young friend ; I will take nothing 
 
 you dont't mean to give it up yet, I hope, 
 eldej." 
 
 1 Indeed, Mr. Maguire, I assure you I would rather 
 not take any thing more, for as I before remarked, I 
 am decidedly opposed to excessive eating upon this 
 day.'' 
 
 "Well, then, well have the pies and puddins. 
 Jeflj my son, fly round and help your mar change the 
 plates. I '11 take the puddin, Melissy you may tend 
 to the pies. Jeff set on the cider. So here 's a plum- 
 puddin' it looks nice I guess you 've had good-luck 
 to-day wife. Sister Bedott, you '11 have some on 't ?" 
 
 " No ; I 'm obleeged to ye. I Ve got ruther of a 
 beao^ache to-day, and plum puddin's rich. I guess 
 I r lJ take a small piece o' the punkin pie." 
 
 " Elder Sniffles, you '11 be helped to some on 't of 
 course T" 
 
 Indeed, Mr. Maguire, the practice of indulging in 
 aiticles of this description after eating meat is esteem- 
 ed highly pernicious, and I inwardly protest against
 
 168 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 it; furthermore, as Mrs. Bedott has very justly re- 
 marked, plum pudding is rich however, considering 
 the peculiar circumstances of the occasion, I will for 
 once overstep the boundaries which I have prescribed 
 for myself." 
 
 " Am I to understand that you '11 have some, or 
 not ?" 
 
 "I will partake, in consideration of time and 
 
 "Jimmeni! wife, this is good puddin' as I ever 
 eat." 
 
 " Elder Sniffles, will you take some o' the pie here 
 is a mince pie and punkin pie." 
 
 " I will take a small portion of the pumpkin pie if 
 you please, Mrs. Maguire, as I consider it highly nu- 
 tritious ; but, as regards the mince pie, it is an article 
 of food which I deem excessively deleterious to the 
 constitution, inasmuch as it is composed of so great 
 a variety of ingredients. I esteem it exceedingly 
 difficult of digestion. Is it not so my young friend ?" 
 
 " By no means, elder ; quite the contrary' and the 
 reason is obvious. Observe, slder it is cut into the 
 most minute particles ; hence it naturally follows, that 
 being, as it were, completely calcined before it enters 
 the system it leaves, so to speak, no labor to !>e per- 
 formed by the digestive organs, and it is disposed of 
 without the slightest difficulty." 
 
 " Ah, indeed ! your reasoning is quite new to me
 
 THANKSGIVING DAY. 169 
 
 yet I confess it to be most satisfactory and lucid. In 
 consideration of its facility of digestion I will partake 
 also of the mince pie." 
 
 " Wife, fill the elder a glass o' cider." 
 
 " Desist ! Mrs. Maguire, desist; I entreat yon ! I in- 
 variably set my face like a flint against the use of all 
 intoxicating liquors as a beverage." 
 
 " Jimmeni ! you don't mean to call new cider an in- 
 fcoxicatin' liquor, I hope. Why, man alive, it 's jest 
 made hain't begun to work." 
 
 " Nevertheless, I believe it to be exceedingly insa- 
 lubrious, and detrimental to the system. Is not that 
 its nature, my young friend ?" 
 
 " Far from it, elder far from it. Reflect a moment 
 and you will readily perceive, that being the pure 
 juice of the apple wholly free from all alcoholic 
 mixture it possesses all the nutritive properties of the 
 fruit, with the advantage of being in a more condensed 
 form, which at once renders it much more agreeable, 
 and facilitates assimilation." 
 
 " Yery reasonable very reasonable, indeed. Mrs. 
 Maguire you may fill my glass." 
 
 " Take another slice o' the puddin', Elder Sniffles." 
 
 " No more, I 'm obliged to you, Mr. Maguire." 
 
 " Well, won't you be helped to some more 'o' the 
 pie?" 
 
 " No more, I thank you, Mr. Maguire." 
 8
 
 170 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 "But you 11 take another glass o' cider, won't 
 you?" 
 
 " In consideration of the nutritious properties of 
 new cider, which your son has abundantly shown to 
 exist, I will permit you to replenish my glass." 
 
 " So you won't take nothin' more, elder ?" 
 
 "Nothing more, my friends nothing more what- 
 soever for as 1 have several times remarked during 
 the repast, I am an individual of exceedingly abste- 
 mious habits endeavoring to enforce by example 
 that which I so strenuously enjoin by precept from 
 the pulpit, to wit temperance in all thing." 
 
 " Walk into the sitting room, elder. Mother 'I] 
 have to excuse us for a while. Aunt Bedott, you 7 1J 
 give us your company, won't you?" 
 
 "Sartainly." 
 
 "Father, are you not coming?" 
 
 " Not now, Jeff. I Ve got to go out for a spell. 
 I '11 try to be in soon." 
 
 " Take this arm-cheer by the stove, Elder Sniffles 
 the room 's got ruther cool ; Jefferson, can't you 
 accumelate the fire a little?" 
 
 "It strikes me very forcibly, Mrs. Bedott, that 
 the weather is somewhat cool for the season of the 
 year." 
 
 " So it strikes me tew ; but I think this is quite a 
 cool climit appearently considerably cooler 'n Wig 
 gletown."
 
 THANKSGIVING DAY. 171 
 
 " Why no, aunt y there can't be any difference in 
 the climate the latitude 's just the same." 
 
 /f I guess not, Jeff what is the latitude o' Scrabble 
 Hill?" 
 
 " Oh, it 's Lbout forty-two." 
 
 " Lawful sakes ! our 'n in Wiggletown 's as much 
 as fifty, and sometimes in the summer time it gits up 
 as high as sixty or seventy." 
 
 "Ah! indeed! you surprise me, Mrs. Bedott. 
 Speaking of "Wiggletown is that your place of 
 residence?" 
 
 " It is so the place where the heft o' my life has 
 ben spent." 
 
 " In what section of the country is it located ?" 
 
 "It's sitiwated between Ganderfleld and Tuckertown, 
 Slammerkin' crick runs along the south side on 't.'.' 
 
 " Ah, yes, I comprehend ; I think I have an indie- 
 eliminate recollection of the place. If I am not mis- 
 tai.en I journeyed through it some two years since, in 
 company with my companion (now deceased), on a 
 visit to her relatives in that section." 
 
 4 'H-o-o-oI how you talk! that journey must be a 
 mellancolly subjiek o ? reflection now how little you 
 thought then that in tew year you'd be called to 
 mourn her departer ! how onsartin' the futur is !" 
 
 <s True a very just remark, Mrs. Bedott, very, in 
 
 we are sojourn ers in a world of fluctuation 1" 
 0, Elder Sniffles how true that is I"
 
 172 WIDOW BBDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 *' One moment tossed on the billows of prosperity 
 and joy, and the next plunged into the abyaes of 
 desperation and despair." 
 
 " O, Elder Sniffles, what a strikin' remark ; every 
 word you say goes to the bottom o' my heart. I -tew 
 mourn the loss of a pardner, and bein' as we 're simi 
 larly sittiwated, I feel as if we could sympathize with 
 one another. You hain't no children I Ve got tew, but 
 they're married and settled, and I'm as good as alone 
 in the world. It 's a tryin' sittiwation very tryin'." 
 
 " It is so, Mrs. Bedott your remark is a very just one 
 very, indeed your situation is undoubtedly a trying 
 one but you are in easy circumstances, I believe ?" 
 
 "Why, yes, ginerally speakin' I be purty easy, 
 though sometimes I'm ruther uneasy when I think 
 o' the futur I was wonderfully struck with a remark 
 in your sarmon this mornin' it described my feelins 
 so egzackly." 
 
 " Allow me to inquire what that remark was > Mrs, 
 Bedott?" 
 
 [The conversation is here interrupted by the en- 
 trance of Mr. and Mrs. Maguire]. 
 
 "Well, elder, how do you come on time pass 
 agreeably ?" 
 
 " Most agreeably, Mr. Maguire, most agreeably, in 
 conversation with Mrs. Bedott." 
 
 " Glad on 't Jeff, here 's the last ' Luminary,' want 
 it? I Ve read it purty much all, exceptin' the poetry."
 
 THANKSGIVING DAY. 173 
 
 " Does it contain a poem by ' Hugelina?' If so, per- 
 mit me to request yDU to favor us with it, my young 
 friend. She is indeed a most extraordinary writer." 
 " She is, that 's a fact> Jeff, less have it." 
 (Jeff reads) " Those of our readers who are in any 
 degree imbued with a love of the poetic with an 
 appreciation of the sublime and beautiful will find a 
 rich treat in the following exquisite lines from the pen 
 of our highly gifted correspondent ' Hugelina.' Aside 
 from the high degree of finish which her effusions 
 always possess, the ensuing lines breathe a spirit of 
 world- weariness and self abandonment exceedingly 
 touching. 
 
 SONNET. 
 
 Oblivion ! stretch thine everlasting -wings, 
 And hide from human gaze my mournful lyre 
 For while my earth-worn, weary spirit sirfgs, 
 I frequently feel desirous to expire. 
 It is no vain and vanishing desire, 
 But a compulsatory wish that seems 
 To mingle nightly in my visioned dreams 
 A wish to leave this uncongenial sphere, 
 Which souls like mine are apt to find so drear. 
 
 for a residence in yonder orb 
 
 Which doth the affections of my soul absorb ! 
 My spirit seeks in vain for sympathy here ; 
 
 1 feel as I have never felt before 
 
 The ODS wild, withering wish to die and be no more ! 
 
 HtJGELMA. 
 
 " A splendid production, truly but does it not 
 strike you Mrs. Maguire, that there is a slight degree 
 of obscurity in the poem ?"
 
 174 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 " don't ax me I can't make head nor tail on 't 
 what's your opinion, Jefferson?" 
 
 " Well, I think that the obscurity of which Elder 
 Sniffles complains constitutes the greatest beauty of 
 the poem. Don't you know, elder, we are never 
 deeply interested in any thing that we can compre- 
 hend at the first glance. There must be some mystery, 
 some hidden meaning to excite at once our curiosity 
 and admiration Shakespeare himself often writes 
 obscurely, you know." 
 
 " Shakespeare 1 that is an author that I am not 
 conversant with. What does he principally treat 
 of?" 
 
 " O, theology, and metaphysics, and so forth." 
 
 "Ah, yes, I recollect now I think I have seen 
 some of his sermons. On consideration, your reason- 
 ing in relation to the poem strikes me as quite con 
 elusive. There should be as you very justly re- 
 mark a hidden meaning to create an interest in any 
 thing of that description." 
 
 "Well, then, that poitry must be awful interestin', 
 for all the meanin' ther is in 't is hid, and no mistake 
 don't you say so, husband ?" 
 
 " O, I ain't no judge o' poitry ax sister Bedott, 
 she knows all about poitry, writes bags on 't." 
 
 " Ah, indeed ! is it true, Mrs. Bedott, that you cul- 
 tivate the poetic art ?" 
 
 Well, '* ain't for me to say "
 
 xvn 
 
 tttires to a firote in t(* rm 
 
 S 
 
 HE sits down on a log and sings in a plaintive 
 voice, 
 
 Ere love had teached my tears to flow, 
 . I was oncommon cherful, 
 But now such misery I dew know 
 I 'm always sad and ferful. 
 
 What peaceful hours I once enjoyed, 
 
 All on a summer's day ! 
 But O, my comforts was destroyed, 
 
 When Shadrack crossed my way ! 
 
 I heerd him preach I heerd him pray 
 
 I heerd him sweetly sing, 
 Dear suz ! how I did feel that day ! 
 
 It was a dretful thing 1 
 
 Full forty dollars would I give, 
 
 If we 'd continnerd apart 
 For though he 's made my sperrit live, 
 
 He 's surely bust my heart ! 
 
 {She sighs profoundly and the elder advances un- 
 esypectedly.) 
 *' Good gracious 1 is that you, Elder Sniffles I how
 
 176 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 you did scare me ! Never was so frustrated in all the 
 days o' my life ! hadent the most remotest idee o' 
 meetin you here wouldent a come for forty dollars if 
 I 'd a s'posed you ever meander'd here. I never was 
 here afore but I was a settin' by my winder and I 
 cast my eyes over here, and as I obsarved the lofty 
 trees a. wavin' in the gentle blast, and heerd the feath- 
 ered singsters a wobblin' their mellancolly music, 1 
 felt quite a call to come over, it 's so retired and mo 
 rantic such an approbriate place to marvel round in, 
 ye know, when a body feels low sperrited and uncon- 
 solable, as I dew to night. O, d-e-a-r!" 
 
 " Most worthy Mrs. Bedott your evident depression 
 fills me with unmitigated sympathy. Your feelings, 
 (if I may be permitted to judge from .he language of 
 your song, which I overheard") 
 
 " You dident though, elder ! the dretful suz ! what 
 shall I dew ! I wouldent a had you heerd that song 
 for no money ! I wish I hadent a some ! I wish to 
 gracious I hadent a come !" 
 
 " I assure you, Mrs. Bedott, it was unintentional on 
 my part, entirely unintentional, but my contiguity to 
 yourself, and your proximity to me, were such as ren- 
 dered it impossible for me to avoid heariLg you " 
 
 " Well, it can't be helped now, it 's no use cryin' for 
 Bpilt milk, but I wouldent hev you to think I know'd 
 you ever come here." 
 
 " On the contrary, this grove is a favorite resort of
 
 THE WIDOW RETIRES TO A GROVE. 177 
 
 mine ; it affords a congenial retreat after the extermi- 
 nating and tremendous mental labors of the day. I 
 not unfrequently spend the declining hours of the 
 evening here, buried in the most profound meditation. 
 On your entrance, I was occupying my customary seat 
 beneath that umbrageous mounting ash which you 
 perceive a few feet from you : indeed, had not your 
 mind been much pre-occupied, you could scarcely have 
 avoided discovering me." 
 
 " O, granf ther grievous ! I wish I 'd a stayed to hum ! 
 1 was born for misfortin' and no thin' else ! I wish to 
 massy I 'd a stayed to hum to-night ! but I felt as if 
 I 'd like to come here once afore I leave the place." 
 (She weeps.) 
 
 "Ah! indeed! do you preject leaving Scrabble 
 Hill?" 
 
 "Yes, I dew, I calklate to go next week. I must hear 
 you preach once more once more, elder, and then I 'm 
 agwine somewher I don't care where, nor I don't 
 care what becomes o' me when I git there." (She 
 sobs violently.) 
 
 "O, Mrs. Bedott, you distress me beyond limitation 
 permit me to inquire the cause of this uncontrolla- 
 ble agony ?" 
 
 "' 0, Elder Sniffles, you *re the last indiwiddiwal 
 that ought to ax such a question. O, I shall die ! ] 
 thall give it up !" 
 
 " Madam, my interest in your welfare is intense, al 
 8*
 
 178 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 low me lo entreat you still more vehenr-mtlj' to un- 
 burden your mind, perhaps it is in my power to re- 
 lieve you." 
 
 " Relieve me ! what an idee ! O, elder, you will be 
 the death o' me if you make me revulge my feelins so. 
 An hour ago, I felt as if I 'd a' died afore I 'd a said 
 what I hev said now, but you ve draw'd it out o* me." 
 
 "Respected madam," you have as yet promulged 
 nothing satisfactory, permit- me " 
 
 "O, granfther grievous! must I come to't! well 
 then, if I must, I must, so to begin at the beginnin'. 
 When I fust heern you preach, your sarmons onset- 
 tied my faith ; but after a spell I was convinced by 
 yer argefyin', and gin up my 'roneus notions, and my 
 mind got considerable carm. But how could I set 
 Sabberday after Sabberday under the droppin's o' yer 
 voice, and not begin to feel a mor 'n ordinary interest 
 in the speaker ? I indevored not tew, but I couldent 
 help it ; 't was in vain to struggle against the feelins 
 that prepossest my buzzom. But it 's all over with 
 me now ! my felicitude is at an eend ! my sittiwation 
 is hopeless! I shall go back to Wiggletown next 
 week and never truble you no more." 
 
 " Ah, Mrs. Bedott, you alarm ' 
 
 " Yes, you never '11 see no more trouble with Pris- 
 silly. I 'm agwine back to Wiggleton. Can't bear to 
 go back there nother, on account o' the indiwiddi 
 wale that I come away to git rid of. There 's Cappen
 
 THE WIDOW BE TIRES TO A GBOVE. 179 
 
 Canoot, lie 's always been after me ever since my hus- 
 band died, though I hain't never gin him no incur- 
 ridgement but he won't take no for an answer. I 
 dread the critter's attentions. And Squire Bailey 
 he 's wonderful rich- but that ain't no recommendation 
 to me, and I Ve told him so time and agin, but Is'pose 
 he thinks I'll come round bumby. And Deacon 
 Crosby, he lost his pardner a spell afore I come away, 
 he was very much pleased with me, he 's a wonderful 
 fine man make a fust rate-husband. I kind o' hesi- 
 tated when he promulgated his sentiments tew me, 
 told him I 'd think on 't till I come back s'pose he 11 
 be at me as soon as I git there. I hate to disappoint 
 Deacon Crosby, he 's such a fine man, and my dezeased 
 companion sot so much by him, but then I don't feel 
 
 for him, as I dew for . He 's a Presbyterian tew, 
 
 and I don't think 't would be right to unite my desti 
 nation to hisen." 
 
 " Undoubtedly in your present state of feeling, the 
 uncongeniality would render a union " 
 
 " O, dear, dear, dear ! I can't bear to go back there 
 and indure their attentions, but thank fortune, they 
 won't bother me long I shall go into a decline, I 
 know I shall, as well as I want to know it. My troub- 
 les '11 soon be over ondoubtedly they '11 put up a 
 monnyment to my memory I Ve got the description 
 all ready for 't it says,
 
 L80 WIDOW BEDOTT PA PEES. 
 
 Here sleeps Prissilly P. Bedott, 
 
 Late relic of Hezekior, 
 How mellancolly was her lot I 
 
 How soon she did expire I 
 
 She did n't commit self-suicide, 
 'T was tribbilation killed her, 
 
 O, what a pity she had n't a' died 
 Afore she saw the elder ! 
 
 And O, elder, you '11 visit my grave, won't ye, and 
 shed tew or three tears over it ? 'T would be a con- 
 solation tew me to think you would." 
 
 " In case I should ever have occasion to journey 
 thro' that section of country, and could consistently 
 with my arrangements make it convenient to tarry for 
 a short time at Wiggletown, I assure you it would af- 
 ford me much pleasure to visit your grave agreeably 
 to your request." 
 
 " 0, elder, how onfeelin' !" 
 
 "Unfeeling! did I not understand you correctly 
 when I understood you to request me to visit your 
 grave ?" 
 
 " Yes, but I don't see how you can be so carm, 
 when I 'm a talkin' about dyin'." 
 
 " I assure you, Mrs. Bedott, I had not the slightest 
 intention of manifesting a want of feeling in my re- 
 mark. I should regard your demise as a most deplor- 
 able event, and it would afford me no small degree of 
 satisfaction to prevent so melancholy a catastrophe 
 were it in my power."
 
 THE WIDOW RETIRES TO A GROVE. 181 
 
 "Well, I guess 111 go hum. If Sally should 
 know you was here a talkin' with me, she 'd make an 
 awful fuss,." 
 
 " Indeed. I see nc reason to fear that my domestic 
 should interfere in any of my proceedings." 
 
 ' O, lawful sakes ! how numb you be, elder ! I 
 dident illude to Sal Blake I meant Sal Hugle, she 't 
 you 're ingaged tew." 
 
 "Engaged to Miss Hugle! you alarm me, Mrs. 
 Be" 
 
 "Now don't undertake to deny it, elder; every 
 body says it 's a fact." 
 
 " Well then, it only remains for me to assert that 
 every body is laboring under an entire and unmitigat- 
 ed mistake." 
 
 " You don't say so, eider ! well, I declare I dew feel 
 relieved. I couldent indure the idee o' stayin' here 
 to see that match go off. She 's so onworthy so dif- 
 ferent from what your companion had ought to be 
 and so lazy and makes such awful poitry ; and then 
 she hain't worth a cent in the world. But I don't 
 want to say a word aginst her; for if you ain't in- 
 gaged now, mabby you witf oe. O, elder ! promise 
 me, dew promise me how 't you won't marry that 
 critter. 'T would be a consolation tew me when I 'm 
 fur away on my dyhr bed, to know " [she weeps 
 with renewed energy.] " O, elder, I 'm afreard I 'm 
 a gwine to hev the highsterics I 'm subjiok tr
 
 182 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 epasmatic affections when I 'm excited and over 
 come." 
 
 " You alarm me, Mrs. Bedott! I will hasten to the 
 house, and bring the sal volatile, which may restore 
 you." 
 
 " For the land's sake, elder, don't go after Sal ; she 
 can't dew nothing for me. It '11 only make talk, for 
 she '11 tell it all round the village. Jest take that are 
 newspaper that sticks out o' yer pocket, and fan me 
 with it leetle. There I feel quite resusticated, 
 I'm obleeged tew ye; guess I can manage ;o git hum 
 now." [She rises.] 
 
 "Farewell, Elder Sniffles! adoo! we part to meet 
 no more !" 
 
 " Ah, Mrs. Bedott ! do not speak in that mournful 
 strain ; you distress me beyond all mitigation" [he 
 takes her hand] "pray reseat yourself, and allow me 
 to prolong the conversation for a short period. As I 
 before observed, your language distresses me beyond 
 all duration." 
 
 " Dew you actilly feel distressed at the idee o' part- 
 in' with me?" 
 
 " Most indubitably, Mrs Bedott." 
 
 "Well, then, what's the use o' partin' at all? 0, 
 what hev I said I what /ze?/ I said i" 
 
 " Ahem aha^v ' allow me to inquire are you in 
 easy circumstances, Mrs. Bedott ?"
 
 THE WIDOW RETIRES TO A GROVE. 183 
 
 11 Well, not intirely, yet ; though I feel considerable 
 easier 'n what I did an hour ago." 
 
 " Ahem ! I imagine that you do not fully apprehend 
 my meaning. I am a clergyman a laborer in the 
 vineyard of the Lord as such you will readily un- 
 derstand I can not be supposed to abound in the filthy 
 lucre of this world my remuneration is small 
 hence " 
 
 " 0, elder, how can you s'pose I 'd hesitate on ac- 
 count o' your bein' poor ? Don't think on 't it only 
 increases my opinion of you ; money ain't no objick 
 to me." 
 
 '' I naturally infer from your indifference respecting 
 the amount of my worldly possessions, that you your- 
 self have" 
 
 " Don't be oneasy, elder, dear don't illude tew it 
 again; depend on 't you 're jest as dear to me, every 
 bit and grain, as you would be if you owned all the 
 mines' of Ingy." 
 
 " I will say no more about it." 
 
 " So I s'pose we' re engaged." 
 
 " Undoubtedly." 
 
 " We 're ingaged, and my tribbilation is at an end. 11 
 [Her libad droops on his shoulder.] " 0, Shadrack I 
 what will Ilugelina say when she hears on 't?'
 
 XVIII. 
 
 f \t Mite Mritos to J*r |awg|Ut, gits. 
 
 DEAR MELISSY : 
 
 T NOW take my pen in hand to tell you that J 
 ruther guess you '11 be considerably astonished 
 when you read what I set down to rite. I Ve got 
 some news to tell, that you can't guess if you. try till 
 next never, so you may as well give it up furst as last 
 afore you begin. And you ain't to let on a word 
 about it only to Jubiter and Kier and Seliny. Come 
 to think, I don't care if you tell Sam Pendergrasses 
 wife, bein' as how she 's a partickler friend o' mine. 
 
 But don't you open yer head about it to no other 
 indiwiddiwal for I want to supprise the Wiggleiown 
 folks, and make 'em open ther eyes a leetle. Come 
 to considder, I guess you 'd better not tell Miss Pen- 
 dergrass, for I 'm afeard she can't' keep it 'x. herself 
 She might let it out to the Kenipes, and they 'd tell 
 the Crosbys, and the Crosbys they 'd carry it strait to 
 Major Coon's wife, and she 'd be sure to tell old Daw- 
 son's wife (the widder Jinkins that was she 't was
 
 WEITES TO HER DAUGHTER. 185 
 
 Poll Bingham), and she 's the verry undentical person 
 I want to keep it from till it busts upon her all of a 
 sudding, like a thunder-clap, I guess I'll let her 
 know 't I can hold my head as high as hern in futur, 
 for who did she git but a decrippid old bung head 
 that she wouldent a had if she could a got any body 
 else. I guess on the hull you hadent better say noth- 
 in' about it to Kier's wife for fear she '11 tell her folks, 
 and they 'il sartinly devulgate it all round. If you 
 dew tell hsr, you make her promise she won't hint a 
 sillyble about it to her step-mother she 't was Kesier 
 Winkle nor to nobody else. You must all keep it a 
 perfound secret till I come. If nothin' happens to 
 per vent, we shall be in Wiggletown next week, a 
 Saturday, on our bridal tewer. A Sunday mornin 
 we calkilate to gc to meetin' along a you and Jubiter, 
 and in the afternoon we shall tend the Baptist meetin'. 
 I tell ye won't ther be some starin' in Wiggletown 
 that day. I guess they '11 find out that I 'm as good 
 as enny on 'em if not a leetle better. I shan't hev on 
 none o' the things they 've ever seen me wear. My 
 riggin 's to be intirely new. Yer Uncle Magwire has 
 made me a present of a hansome green merino dress, 
 a^d yer Aunt Magwire has gi'n me a new brown 
 velvet bunnit, and yer Cousin Jefferson has presented 
 tne an elegant plaid shawl, and I calkilate to come out 
 m 'em all in Wiggletown. 
 
 Speakin 1 c my new wardrobes, reminds me to tell
 
 186 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 you that if Jabe Clark comes your way a peddlin', 
 not to trade a cent's woth with. him. You remember 
 how he come it over me about the shoes, don't ye? 
 Well it 's amazin' I should ever be such a fool as to 
 be took in by him agin but so 'twas. He come 
 along here a spell ago, and sarved me the awfullest 
 trick that ever you heerd on. I was alone in the house 
 yer aunt had went to a sick nabor's, and the way he 
 cheated me was perfectly dretful. My blud oiles now 
 a thinkin' on 't. He pretended he 'd experienced re- 
 ligion, and lamented over the way he used to cheat 
 and lie ; and as true as I live and breathe, actilly got 
 round me so 't he preswaded me to swop away an ele- 
 gant stun colored silk, that cost me a dollar a yard, 
 for a miserable slazy stripid consarn, that he said was 
 all the fashion now called it " grody flewry" and 
 what makes it more aggravatin' made me pay tew dol- 
 lars to boot. But that wa'n't the wost on 't, for com 3 
 to enroll it, we found that three or four yards away 
 at t' other eend on 't was all dammidged and stained 
 up 't wa'n't fit for nothing. Yer aunt was mad at 
 me for bein' so took in, and yer uncle he laffit and 
 hectored me and went on about it you know what a 
 critter he is to bother a boddy. At last I busted out 
 a cryin,' and went off and shot myself up in my room, 
 and stayed there till tea time and when I come down, 
 lo and behold, yer uncle stept up and handed me a 
 new green merino dress he 'd ben off to che stoit
 
 WRITES TO HER DAUGHTER. 187 
 
 and bought it a purpose for me, fringe, and buttons 
 and every thing to trim it with, and I 've got it made 
 up, and it sets like a dandy and I 'm gwine to be 
 married in it. But I can't help feelin' awfully gauled 
 about the silk. I took it to Parker and Pettibone's and 
 swoppt it for some things I wanted. They wouldent 
 allow me but eighteen pence a yard, and 't was all 
 't was woth. Jabe made me take a couple o' hanker- 
 chers tew, for a dollar a piece said he 'd stake his 
 repertation on 't they wa'n't half cotton and no more 
 they wa'n't, for come to dew 'em up, they showed out 
 plain enuff that they was all cotton did you aver? 
 He got round the elder tew made him pay five dol- 
 lars for a buzzum pin said 't was topiz sot in gold, 
 and it turned out to be yaller glass with a pinchback 
 rim round it. I was clear out o' pashence with the 
 elder for bein* so green but sittiwated as I was I 
 couldent say nothin' ye know. If ever I come acrost 
 Jabe Clark agin, if he don't ketch it, no matter. But 
 I 'm wonderful bizzy about these days and so no 
 more at present from your affectionate mother, 
 
 PRISSILLA P. BEDOTT. 
 
 P. S. Give my love to Jubiter. I'm gratified to 
 hear that the baby is so forrard. What do you calM- 
 late to call him ? I hope it won't be Jubiter for 
 somehow I don't egzactly like the name, tho' it sounds 
 well for a man. But don't in all favor name him artei
 
 188 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 yer par. Hezekier's an awful name. How do yc 
 like Shadrack? That's the name o' his grandfather 
 that's to be. Yer uncle and aunt and Jeff sends 
 love. P. p. B. 
 
 P. S. Yer cousin Jeff axed permission to read this 
 letter, and he says I hain't told you who I 'm gwine 
 to be married tew, nor when the weddin' 's to be, 
 nor nothin'. But 't ain't to be wondered at that I 
 forgot, for I Ve got such a numerous number o' things 
 to think on now. My future companion is the 
 Baptist minister o' this place by the name o' Elder 
 Sniffles. The way we come acquainted was quite 
 singular. You see I took to attendin' his meetin' 
 because the Presbyterian minister here is such smaE 
 potaters that 't wa'n't eddifyin' for me to set under his 
 preachin', and understandin' that Elder "Sniffles was a 
 very gifted man I thought I 'd go to hear him. 
 Well, I liked him wonderful well, he's a powerful 
 speaker and his prayers is highly interestin'. So I 
 goes to hear him a number o' times. He obsarved 
 me and was evidently pleased with me but during 
 all the time I was creatin' such a sensation in his 
 feelins I never knowd but what he had a wife. How 
 I did feel when I found out he was a widdiwer. I 
 was dretfully flustrated, and kep myself as scarce as 
 possible. But he follered me up and parsevered, till 
 at last I consented t) accept o' him. It 's mellancol] y
 
 WRITES TO HEE DAUGHTER. 189 
 
 to be alone in the world, and then ministers don't 
 grow on every bush. The weddin' is to take place 
 next week a Wensday evenin' at yer uncle's. Elder 
 Yawpers, from Slabtown, is to reform the ceremony 
 and preach in Elder Sniffleses place the next Sabbath 
 when we 're gone. 
 
 The elder lives in a gamble nifffc yallar house. I 
 mean to make him put wings to 't and make it look 
 rather more fashionable. It stans on a descendin' 
 elevation that slants down to the canawl on the one 
 side, and not fur behind it is a morantic grove. He 
 hain't no family but a little highty tighty gal that they 
 brought up. I tell ye if I don't make her stan' round 
 when I get there I 'm mistaken. We shall start for 
 Wiggletown a Thursday, in the stage and git there, 
 I s'pose, Saturday evenin'. Now Melissy Smith re- 
 member you 're to keep it a profound secret. I don't 
 want nobody in Wiggletown to know a word about 
 it till they see us come a walkin' into meetin'. If you 
 anser this afore we come, direct to the Eeverend Mrs. 
 Sniffles. 
 
 Your affectionate mar, P. P. BEDOTT, 
 (till next week). 
 
 P. S. I 've writ an elegy on my marriage that Jeff 
 thinks is one o' my best poims. He 's gwine to send 
 it to be printed in the " Scrabble Hill Luminary," right 
 cinder the marriage notice. He 's a keepin' it from
 
 190 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS 
 
 his par and mar, cause they hain't no sense o poitiy 
 yer aunt espeshelly has always disencurridged mj 
 writin' for the papers. But she can't help herself. 
 
 P. P. IX 
 
 [From the Scrabble Hill Lamlnary.] 
 
 MAEEIED. In this village on Wedensday, the 20th 
 inst., by the Eev. Elder Yawpers, of Slabtown, the 
 Rev. 0. SHABRACK SNIFFLES, of Scrabble Hill, to Mrs. 
 PRISCILLA P BEDOTT, relict of the late Deacon Heze- 
 kiah Bedott, Esq., of Wiggletown. 
 
 The fair bride has sent us the following morceau 
 which our readers will unite with us in pronouncing 
 equal to a former effusion from the same gifted pen. 
 We wish the happy pair all the felicity which theii 
 distinguished abilities so richly merit. EDS. LUM 
 
 TO SHADRACK. 
 
 Prissifla the fair aid Shadrack the wise, 
 
 Have united their fortunes in the tenderest of ties; 
 
 And being mutually joined in the matrimonial connection, 
 
 Have bid adoo to their previous affliction. 
 
 No more mil they mourn their widdered sittiwation, 
 And continner to sy the without mitigation ; 
 But pardners, for life to be parted no more, 
 Their sorrers is eended, their troubles is o'er. 
 
 O Shadrack, my Shadrack I Prissilla did speak, 
 While the rosy red blushes surmantled her chock, 
 And the tears of affection bedoozled her eye, 
 
 Shadrack, my Shadrack ! I 'm yourn till I die 
 
 The heart that was scornful and cold as a stun, 
 Has surrendered at last to the fortinit one ; 
 Farewell to the miseries and griefs I have had, 
 
 1 '11 never desert thee, Shadrack, my Shad!
 
 XLX. 
 
 *** Sniffles 3Hrr0rt. 
 
 T EFT Scrabble Hill this mornin' in the stage for 
 Liberty ville. Felt like death about leavin' my 
 beloved companion, but he insisted on J t; said 't would 
 be onpleasant for me to stay to hum while the par- 
 sonage was undergwine repairs; and, besides the 
 journey 'd be for. my health ; so at last I yealded to 
 conformity and went. 'T was determined I should 
 visit the Crippinses, at Liberty ville Mrs. Crippin bein' 
 my husband's cousin. 
 
 The mornin was derlicious, and Aurory shone with 
 undiminished lusture. The feathered songsters wob- 
 bled in the groves ; the breezes was ladened with the 
 fragrance of ten thousand flowers, while natur seemed 
 to vie with creation to render the scene one of unmit- 
 igated splendor. But I scercely noticed it a bit ; for I 
 wa'n't in a sittiwation to enjoy it a mite. Alas 1 iny 
 hull soul was with Shadrack. 
 
 Ther wa n't but tew individiwals besides me in the 
 stage, and they was men folks. I should a found the
 
 192 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 journey awful tejus if I hadent amused myself by 
 courtin' the muses, as Shadrack calls it. I had a pen- 
 cil and a piece o' paper in my ridicule, and I axed one 
 o' the gentlemen to lend me his hat to write on. He 
 handed it out very perlitely, and I composed the fol- 
 lerin' stanzys: 
 
 TO MY OWN ONE. 
 
 Farewell to Scrabble Hill I 
 
 Farewell to my dear Shad ! 
 I leave you much against my will, 
 
 And so I feel quite bad. 
 
 Shadrack think o' me 
 When I am far away ; 
 
 1 sartingly shall think o' thee 
 Wherever I do stray. 
 
 Adoo 1 a fond adoo ! 
 
 Dear pardner o' my heart. 
 The idee o' comin' back to you 
 
 Sustains me while we part. 
 
 if my Shad should be 
 Onwell while I 'm from home, 
 
 1 shall feel most onpleasantlee, 
 And wish I had n't a come. 
 
 But I will hope and pray 
 
 That we may both be able 
 To meet agin some fntur day, 
 
 Aliv 
 
 .Every thing conspired to remind me of my absent 
 one. The men that was my feller passengers smoked 
 the heft o' the time. My Shadrack loves his pipe, and 
 vt does me so much good to see him enjoy it. The in-
 
 THE REV. MRS. SNIFFLES ABROAD. 198 
 
 diwiddiwal that lent me Ms hat brought him very for- 
 cibly to my mind. He was drest in black, and had a 
 wonderful dignified and thoughtful cast of expression. 
 I made up my mind he was a clargyman as soon as I 
 sot eyes on him ; so when I handed back his hat 1 
 ventured to inquire where his field o' labor was. He 
 hem'd and haw'd, and seem'd ruther imbarrised. So I 
 says ; says I, " I s'pose I ain't mistaken in takin' you 
 for a clargyman ?" 
 
 But afore he had time to answer, t' other one he 
 was quite a young man spoke up, and says he, 
 u You 're right, marm it 's the Keverend Mr. Beadle, 
 of Punkin Hook." 
 
 " And this is my principal deacon, Mr. Snobs," 
 says Mr. Beadle. 
 
 So I told 'em who I was ; and after the ice was 
 broke, we had considerable interestin' conversation on 
 a rumber o' tropics, espeshealy on the state o' religion 
 iii this section, particklarly in our respectable places 
 ci aoode. They seem'd wonderful grieved at the in- 
 ikity that prevails in our midst. Informed me that 
 they 'd jest ben attendin' a convention to suppress the 
 railroads runnin' a Sabberdays. They never travel'd 
 on 't, cause it dident lay by a Sabberdays. 
 
 They seem'd to be very much interested in me. I 
 show'd 'em the poetry I 'd ben writin' which they was 
 wonderfully struck with. Brother Beadle proposed 
 settin' on 't to music, and all on us singin' it together.
 
 194 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 The deacon th ought 't would go in " Away with mel- 
 laneolly :" but not bein' conversant with that tune, I 
 proposed " Haddam " a great favorite o' mine. They 
 said they 'd amost forgot Haddam ; so I sung one stan- 
 zy to show 'em how it went, and then we all put to 
 and sung it together. They dident make out very 
 well I dident think ; dident keep no time ; seem'd to 
 be what Jeff Magwire calls independent singers, that is, 
 each one went intirely on his own hook, without pay- 
 in' no attention to the rest. But no doubt they done 
 the best they could, and I hadent ought to find fanlt. 
 
 The deacon requested me to give him the poim, in 
 order to have it printed in the " Punkin Hook Patriot 
 and Journal." After some hesitation I consented. 
 
 At Pukin Hook my interestin' feller travelers got 
 out. I regretted partin', and so did they. I invited 
 Brother Beadle to come to Scrable Hill and preach 
 for us sometime. He squeezed my hand, and said he 
 was delighted to have met with such a sister in Israel 
 he never should forget the refreshin' season lie '<1 
 enjoyed in my society. 
 
 The rest o the way to Liberty ville I was *he only 
 passenger ; but 't wa'n't no great distance. Jeot as the 
 horrizon was sinkin' behind the western skies, I arriv 
 at Cousin Crippinses. When I told 'em who I was 
 they received me with open arms, for they set a great 
 deal by the elder. They 're olderly people, very weli 
 off; hain't no family but a jon and daughter, both
 
 THE REV. MRS. SNIFFLES ABKOAD. 196 
 
 married and settled. The daughter lives in tlie same 
 place, is married to a risin' doctor by the name o' 
 Brings. In short, I think I should be quite contented 
 here if my beloved companion was only with me. 
 But the accurnulatin' shadders o' night, aggravated by 
 the descendm' of my candle into the socket, warns me 
 that it is time to seek my piller, and resusticate ex 
 austed Tiater by repose. 
 
 for a sight o' ShaJrack's laco, 
 
 To shine amid the gloom ! 
 To mitigate this lonesome place, 
 
 And shed a sweet perfume. 
 
 WED-NTGHT. Agin I take my pen in hand to re- 
 cord the occurrences that have occurred durin' the day. 
 1 riz at an arly hour, and sallied forth into Cousin 
 Crippinses garding to view the works of natur. O 
 how it expends and illuminates the religious affections 
 to contemplate the wonders of creation. The pinies 
 was all in full blow, and the yallar lilies riz up strait 
 and stiff to court the revigoratin' atmosphere. Also 
 the cabbidg^ leaves was a glitterin' with dew drops, 
 and looked like ever so many fans kivered with span- 
 gles. My hull soul was evaporatin' with delightful 
 meditation, when cousin Crippin blowd the horn for 
 breakfast, and I was obleeged to go in, though I 'd ten 
 times nrier a stayed there than to eat. Cousin Crip 
 pin sets a tolerable good table makes fust rate coffy> 
 though I must say I can beat her on griddle cakes .
 
 196 "WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 wonder whether she spunges 'em over night : don't bo- 
 lieve she does ; can't have good griddle cakes without 
 spungin' 'em, accordin' to my way o' thinkin'. 
 
 This afternoon Cousin Cr.ppinses daughter, Mrs- 
 Briggs, she 't was Susan Ann Crippin, called on me ; 
 ruther an or nary looking woman, but quite ginteel 
 and intellectible. The Crippinses had told me so 
 much about her that 1 was prepared to be wonder- 
 fully struck up with her. She writes poetry for the 
 " Liberty ville Keflector." She invited me to attend a 
 literary swearee at her sittiwation to-morrer evenin'. 
 She says they hold their swearees once a fortnight, and 
 she thinks they have a great attendancy to elevf.te the 
 tone o' society, and axed if we had any such thing at 
 Scrabble Hill. I told her no, that they was pretty 
 high strung ther already, and dident need nothin' to 
 elevate their tone. She smiled at this observation, 
 and remarked that I was rather sarcastical. 
 
 She said they dident admit none to membership 
 without they'd had something printed; but others 
 was sometimes invited to attend and enjoy the benefit 
 of the intellectible feast. And they 'd be happy to 
 Bee me. I 'd have the pleasure o' meetin' a number of 
 literary charicters ; among 'em " Nell Nox," the cele- 
 brated critic, and " Kate Kenype," the well-known 
 and greatly admired advocate of women. She pre- 
 sumed I 'd heerd of 'em both. " Nell Nox" was very 
 severe, very sarcastical, very, -indeed. I told her I 'd
 
 THE REV. MBS. SNIFFLES ABROAD. 197 
 
 a n amber o' poims printed mvself. She lookt quite 
 surprised, and I confess I was surprisder yet that she 
 hadent seen or heerd o' my pieces in the " Scrabble 
 Hill Luminary." On the hull, I was ruther disap- 
 pointed in Cousin Briggs. But I mean to go to that 
 swearee any how, if nothin' happens. But we 're 
 poor short sighted mortals. 
 
 Poor ignorant critters we I 
 
 To our short-sighted race 
 Things futur in life's mystery 
 
 And like enough never '11 take place. 
 
 FRIDAY.- Last night attended the literary swearee 
 at Cousin Briggses. and was highly intertained. Ther 
 was ten or a dozen present, and four on 'em had orig- 
 inal productions. The most extinguished article was 
 the Widder Reade's. She pigns her perductions 
 " Nell Nox." She 's a very fleshy woman, with a 
 wonderful small head. I took particular notice of 
 ber 'cause she 's so notorious in a literary point o 1 
 yiew, She had a singlar lookin' head dress stuck atop 
 of her head. Her nose is awful long, and turns up 
 at the eend ; very handy, saves her the trouble o' 
 turnin' on 't it up every time she reads a poor piece o' 
 poetry, and she don't seem to read no other exceptin 1 
 Cousin Briggses. She was drest in a sky blue muslin 
 dress with flounces almost up to her waist, that made 
 her look shorter and fleshyer than she actilly was. 
 She had a drstful severe critisism on the American
 
 198 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPEKS, 
 
 poits, espeshially a certing long-feller, as she called him, 
 some tall indiwidiwal I s'pose. She cut him all to 
 pieces, declaring that he had never writ a line that 
 could be call poitry in all his born days She said 
 that his Eve Angeline was a perfectly nonsensical 
 humbug. I presume that 's some young woman he 's 
 ingaged to. I thought if she was a mind to whale 
 away aginst the long-feller she might, but she might a let 
 his intended alone. Cousin Susan Ann axed me after- 
 wards if I dident think l^ell Nox was awful cuttin'. 
 She said she shouldent like tc come under her lash. 
 She wondered what long-feller 'd say when he jome to 
 see that critisism, as he ondoubtedly would, for 
 't would come out in " The Eeflector" afore long ; Nell 
 contribbits to that paper. Thinksme I ain't afeared oi 
 her ; I guess she '11 change her sentiments when she 
 hears my piece. She '11 think ther is such a thing as 
 poitry in Ameriky then. For I had in my pocket the 
 stanzya I writ in the stage I 'd brought 'em along, 
 thinkin' like enough I should be called on to read 
 somsthiug. 
 
 The editor of " The Eeflector " was there ; he 's presi- 
 dent of the swearees. A wonderful small, jandery- 
 lookin' young man, with blazin' red hair, and exceed 
 inly pompous, but oncommon talented. He had an 
 article on the prospects of the literary horizon through- 
 out the world. His sentiments differed from Nell 
 NToxes inasmuch as he held that Ameriky was the
 
 THE EKV MES. SNIFFLES ABROAD. 199 
 
 only country where poitry had reached the hight of 
 its zenith. To prove it, he brought forrard Cousin 
 Briggses writins, said that even Nell Nox, the severest 
 critic of the age, spared her ; ther wa'n't nothing in 
 her poitry that no critic could git hold of. He wound 
 up, at last, by glorifyin', in a most eloquent manner, 
 that both o' these remarkable writers were contribbit- 
 ors to his paper. 
 
 Next come Cousin Susan Ann Briggs with her article. 
 'T was a very affectin' poim on, the death o' Deacon 
 Paine's daughter. I don't remember but one stanzy, 
 and that come in at the eend of every alternative 
 verse. It runs thus : 
 
 Fond parents weep for me no more, 
 
 That I no more am given ; 
 We '11 surely shall meet when life is ore, 
 
 High up above in heaven. 
 
 I must ax Cousin Briggs for a cop j on 't, it 's very 
 good, though I actilly think I can oeat it ; 't ain't for 
 me to say so, however. Her newspaper name is 
 "fenellaFitzallen." 
 
 The last indiwidiwal that read was an olderly young 
 woman, named Samanthy Hocum, a wonderful tall, 
 slab-sided, coarse lookin' critter. Her hair looked 
 singular, 't was all raked back off her forrard, and 
 made her phizmahogany look amazin' broad and 
 brazen. She certainly was oncommon odd and ornary 
 lookin'. Had on a red calico dress, and a queer kind
 
 200 WIDOW 3DOTT PAPERS. 
 
 of a bobtailed little thing, made o' green silk, with 
 brass buttons down it. Take her altogether, *hH waff 
 about as singular a critter in her appearance as I' v*s 
 seen in some time. But she 's oncommon smart. She 
 had an article on the subject o' " Woman's Sights." 
 'T was a powerful perduction. She hiid that tae mea 
 hadent no bizness to monopolize every thing, arid 
 trammil the female sect. I thought to myself they 
 hadent showed no great disposition to trammil her so 
 far. She writes for the "Pidgin Pint Record of 
 Genius," and signs Kate Kenype. 
 
 Them was all the articles that was read last night, 
 though ther was several more literary indiwidiwals 
 ther. A fat, pudden-faced young man that writes 
 poetry for the "Newville Star and Trumpet," and 
 signs " Phil Philpotts." And then ther was a ruther 
 good lookin' young woman that writes the amusin' 
 articles for the same paper, and signs 'em "Betsy But- 
 tertub," and some more, but I disremember their re*"9- 
 paper names. 
 
 After the readin' was over, the company diverted 
 the time till the refreshments come in to walkin' round 
 and round through the foldin' doors to the hall, and 
 then from the hall through the foldin' doors agin, as 
 if ther lives depended on 't. The editor, he walked 
 with Nell Nox, and Phil Philpotts with Betsy But- 
 tertub, and Kate Kenype, she stramanaded round alone, 
 wonderful independent. I sot on the sofy and talked
 
 THE REV. MRS SKIFFLES ABFOAD. 201 
 
 Co the Briggses till I got as dizzy as a fool, seem' 'em 
 go round and round. I wanted to read my poim, and 
 I seed plainly that Cousin Susan Ann dident mean to 
 ax me to (shouldent wonder if she was a little jealous). 
 So I determined I would read it whether or no ; so 
 when the company sot down tc take refreshment, I 
 ? 5aks up and says, that seein' I 'd ben so eddified 
 myself, I thought I 'd ought to contribute my share to 
 the evenin's intertainment; and then without furder 
 ado, I takes out my piece and reads it. 'T was very 
 much admired. Nell Nox declared 't was what she 
 called poitry, and the editor requested a coppy on 't to 
 put in " The Eeflector.' I gi'n it tew him. It dident 
 strike me till after I got hum that I 'd gi'n it the 
 Reverend Mr. Beadle, to be printed in the " Punkin 
 flook Patriot and Journal." So I s'pose the tew 
 paper? '11 be accusin' one another o' stealin' on ''t, and 
 ihere '11 be a reglar newspaper quarril about it ; and 
 I shall be drawn into public notice in 2 manner very 
 imbarrassin' to my retirin' disposition. But I can't 
 h^'p it. "We literary characters must expect to be 
 subjected to a great many more onpleasant things than 
 falls o the lot o' privit indiwidiwals it 's the fate o' 
 genius. 
 
 Don't know but what I 'd try git up a Literary 
 
 Swearee Society in Scrabble Hill, if I dident s'pose 
 
 Sally Hugle ; d make herself so conspickiwous in it 
 
 But I know she would. She 's so awful vain, and 
 
 9*
 
 202 WIDOW ^EDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 thinks herself such an amazin' poitess, though as to 
 that, every body knows she can't write I fed kinder 
 sorry for her, she mistakes her calling so. I should 
 lament to have her make such a lain n' stock of herself 
 as she would if ther was any literary dewins there. 
 
 SATURDAY EVENING. Larnt to-day, through "Dr. 
 Briggs, and by a long chain o' circumstances tew nu- 
 merous to be detailed here, that the indiwidi \vals that 
 past themselves off for a clargyman and deacon in the 
 stage, was nothing but a couple of hoss dealers from 
 Varmount, with no more sense o' religion than the 
 animals they trade in. O, 't is mellancoly ! I feel to 
 lament that human natur should be sunk to such a 
 tumble a pitch as to deceave a reverend lady so aw- 
 fully. I pitty the poor degraded, deluded critters 
 from the bottom o' my heart. I hope they may 
 have grace and space to repent. To think o' iny bein' 
 so took in! Well, they '11 have it to arswer for. 
 that 's a comfort. But 1 hope they '11 be lei to sec 
 ther sinfulness afore it 's tew late. To think o' my 
 lettin' 'em have my poitry tew, that galls me. I wish 
 they 'd steal some bosses and be took up and sent to 
 the states prison, the miserable wre^hes -but I foi 
 give 'em- I aHays forgive I never lay up nothing 
 aginst nobody the consarnid critters I 
 
 To-morrer '11 be Sunday intend to go to meetin 
 if I can command mv feelins sufficient But on doubt-
 
 THE EEV. MBS. SNIFFLES ABROAD. 203 
 
 edly I shall be all day a counterastin' the preacher 
 with my companion, and so sha'n't enjoy my mind, 
 ard have as refreshin' a season as I otherways should. 
 
 Agin tlie sacred day 
 
 Of sacred re*t has come, 
 And to my inmost feelins brings 
 
 My Shadrack's image hum. 
 
 I d ruther spend the day 
 
 With him than where I am, 
 A hearin' of him preach and pray, 
 
 And givin' oat the pslam.
 
 XX. 
 
 firs. SniffUs at font. 
 
 ' T MUST show ye my daggertype, sister Mag wire, 
 that I had took while I was gone." 
 
 " I want to know if you ' ve got one o' them things I 
 I 've heerd about 'em, and had a great curiosity to see 
 'em. Pray how do they take 'em ?" 
 
 " Well, I '11 tell ye. Sal ! Sal Blake, come in here ! 
 Why don't ye never start some time or other when I 
 call ye ? You go up stairs to my chamber, and fetch 
 here that thing kivered with morocker, that lies on 
 the stand. Step quick, you and don't ye be gone 
 longer 'n till next day after to morrer, if ye can help 
 it. And here ! don't you open it you fetch it right 
 straight along down d' ye hear. That young one 
 does try my patience the worst way she's the slowest 
 o' all created critters. I don't b'leve it done her any 
 good stay in' with you while we was gone. I wish 
 the elder 'd a sent her to the Widder Grimeses I 
 guess she 'd a made her fly round. I don't s'pose you 
 trained her a mite." 
 
 " Well, I did n't see no occasion for it. She seemed
 
 THE EEV MES, SNIFFLES AT HOME. 205 
 
 willm' enough to dew without driving And besides, 
 I don't approve o' workin' half-grown gals so hard as 
 some folks dew. It stunts 'em. and injures their con- 
 stitutions." 
 
 " I ceclare, if that ain't a bright idee ! jist as if 
 As true as natur, there she comes ! What 's got into 
 ye, Sal, to make ye so spry all of a sudding ? I guess 
 ) 3 ssen a ghost on the stairway, did n't ye ? There 
 Sister Magwire, isn't that strikin' ? Sal, you huzzy I 
 There 's ysr manners ? don't ye know no better 'n to 
 be a gawpin' over Miss Magwire's shoulders ? go into 
 the kitchin budge !" 
 
 " Why Sister Sniffles, dew let the poor child look 
 at it what harm '11 it dew ?" 
 
 " Sister Magwire, I wish you would n't interfere in 
 my domestic arrangements Sal, you put for the 
 kitchin, and finish pearin' them apples and when 
 ve Ve got 'em done, take hold and scour them pans 
 and don't ye stop to look out o' the winder and as 
 soon a? ye git done scourin' the pans, come here, and 
 I '11 tell ye what to do next. I rather guess I '11 iarn 
 that critter to know her place, afore I Ve ben here 
 much longer. She hain't never had no instruction 
 ^bout what belongs to her sittiwation, at all." 
 
 " Poor thing I don't blame her, I 'm sure. You 
 kixow, Miss Sniffles, the elder's first wife, brought her 
 up as it she was her own daughter." 
 
 " Well, I mean to show her the difference betwixt
 
 206 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 genteel folks and them that 's born to be underlin'a 
 But ain't that a wonderful strikin' picter?" 
 
 " It is, actilly ; looks as nat'ral as life especially 
 the elder's specs and your cap." 
 
 " I had a couple more just like it took at the same 
 time : one for Melissy, and t' other for Sam Fender- 
 grasses wife. I think the position's very interestin' 
 me a leanin' on the elder's shoulder, and hold in' 
 hold o' his hand." 
 
 " They must cost a good deal don't see how you 
 could afford it." 
 
 " Well, I '11 tell ye how 't was 't was a curus cir- 
 cumstance. At Miss Pendergrasses party see, 'I 
 hain't told ye about her makin' a party for us, I guess ; 
 wall, she did, and it was a reglar kind o' a would-if- 
 ye-could consarn, jist such as she always makes out 
 when she tries to cut a spludge. But Sam's wife 
 meant well enough. And on the hull 't was quite 
 pleasant. Most o' my old acquaintances was there : 
 Major Coon and his wife, pompious as ever; Mr. 
 Crane and his wife she 't was Kesier Winkle. She 
 don't paint her face no more now her market 's made 
 looks wonderful humbly. And there was old Daw- 
 son and his wife Widder Jinkins, ye know she 
 't was Poll Bingham. She and Miss Coon had their 
 heads together half the evenin', a whisperin' about 
 me and the elder. But I did n't care I tell ye, I hild 
 my head as high as any on 'em, if not a lectle grain
 
 THE REV. MBS. SNIFFLES AT HOME. 207 
 
 highar. Ther was a great deal o' notice took o' me 
 and the elder. He talked up and made considerable 
 o' a sensation. I told him aforehand to do his pur- 
 ijest, for I wanted old Dawson's wife to see 't I 'd got 
 a pardner ruther above a common plow-jogger, such 
 as hern is. And I gu-ess she felt it some, for she 
 looked nighty spiteful. While the elder was a talkin', 
 she kept a hunchin Miss Ooon, and grinnin'. Sam 
 Pendergrasses wife said she obsarved to her that she 
 should think I'd be in a constant state o' consarn 
 about the elder, for fear he 'd git choaked with a big 
 word stickin' in his throat. Miss Penclergrass said 
 she would n't care a cent about it, if she was me ; for 
 't was plain enough 't wa'n't nothin' but envy because 
 her husband could n't talk so." 
 
 :t But you was gwine to tell about them dagger- 
 types.'' 
 
 " yes. Well, Sam Pendergrasses wife axed Miss 
 Coon to play on the planner. They Ve got a pianner 
 for A T 'n Elizy piece o' extravagance in my opinion 
 don't see how Sam Pendergrass can afford such 
 things besides, I don't b'leve Ann Elizy '11 ever 
 make much of a musicianer, for she can't play but a 
 few tunes yit, and she 's ben a takin' lessons amost 
 three months I spent the day there one day, and 
 she thumpt away on the consarnid thing half the time. 
 'T was enough to split a body's skull open. Well, 
 Miss Co >n she sot down to the pianner and o al!
 
 208 WIDOW BE DOT T PAPERS. 
 
 things! I wish you could a ben there! If 't waVt 
 JcilUn', then no matter. She throw 'd back hei head, 
 and she rolled up her eyes, and she thrum 'd it off 
 , with the tips o' her fingers. But good gracious ! her 
 singin' ! you 'd a gin up, I know, if you 'd a heerd It ! 
 The way she squawked it out was a caution to old 
 gates on a windy day ! See, what was it she sung ? 
 O, I remember a dretful nonsensical thing, that kept 
 a sayin' every little while 'Jimmeni fondly thine 
 own.' I was perfectly dizgusted." 
 
 " But what has all that to dew with the dagger- 
 types ?" 
 
 " Well, I was a gwine to tell why can't ye have 
 patience ? I was settin' right by the pianner when 
 she sung, and I obsarved that she had on a wonderful 
 curus buzzom-pin. So, after she'd got done her 
 music, and gone back t' other side o' the room, I says 
 to Melissy, says I, what a sing'lar lookin' buzzum-pin 
 Miss Coon's got- on wonder what it's made of 
 ' Why, mar,' says she, ' it 's a daggertype o' the Major 
 did n't you never see a daggertype?" * No,' says I, 
 but I Ve heerd o' 'em.' So Melissy she got right up, 
 and went and axed Miss Coon if she woulr 1 n't be 
 kind enough to let mar see her pin. I was awiul mad 
 at Melissy did n't want that stuck up critter to know 't 
 I noticed her pin so I speaks up, and I says, ' T want 
 ye to understand, Miss Coon, that I didn't request 
 Misa Smith to ax ye to show me yer pin.' ' 0, law,'
 
 THE REV, MBS. SNIFFLES AT HOME 209 
 
 says she. ' you. Ve perfectly welcome to see it.' So she 
 onfastened it, and handed it to Melissy, mighty graci 
 ons She 's always wonderful polite to Melissy don't 
 knew,. I m sure, what's the reason she treats her so 
 much better 5 n ever she did me; but I s'pose ther 
 ain't nothin' about her to be jealous of. Well, Melissy 
 she fetched it G\ er, and I could n't help lookin' at it ; 
 and sure enough there was the major, nat'ral. as life, 
 with all his trarin' regimentals on 't was complete. 
 Miss Coon axed me how I liked it. 'T ain't wonderful 
 hansome,' says I, 'but it looks full as well as the 
 major.' Miss Coon turned rather red, and 't was plain 
 to be seen she felt cut up. Melissy silly thing she 
 kind o' wanted to plaster over what I 'd said, so she 
 praised it up to the skies said she never see any 
 thing sc perfect and axed Miss Coon where 't was 
 took. Miss Coon said the major had it took in 
 'orambletowii a few days afore. Ther was a gentleman 
 stayir/ tLere a few weeks, that done 'em uncommon 
 correct. 'C, mar,' says Melissy, 'I heerd the eldei 
 say he meant to go home by the way o' Grambletown 
 - - yp-hy can't you stop and have yourn and the elder's 
 toon forme? Jubiter's got a cousin livin' there a 
 youn^ man named Jo Baker, and he 's a comin' out 
 here in a few weeks. You can leave 'em with him to 
 fetch.' ' Wei] says I, ' I '11 see about it.' After that, 
 Meli ssy she teazed us till we promise to git 'em for 
 Usr. She concluded she 'd like to have us represented
 
 210 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 together in one picter. "We 'd maae our calculations 
 to stop in Gambletown a day or tew on our way hum 
 The elder was some acquainted wich Elder Cumstork, 
 the minister there had met him at the meetin' o f tho 
 Baptist Presbytery. We left Wiggletown a Monday, 
 went round by Pidgin Pint, and stopped there to- 
 ward night. The elder inquired where the Baptist 
 minister lived, and we went there. We had n't never 
 heerd o' him afore but 't was better to go there chan 
 to have a tavern bill to pay. His name was Elder 
 Hawley. The elder he introduced himself as the 
 Rev. Elder Sniffles, from Scrabble Hill, and his con- 
 sort. Well, brother Hawley invited us in and intro- 
 duced us to his wife. She was a sick lookin' woman, 
 with a hull raft o' young ones squallin' round her. 
 'T wa'n't very pleasant there, they did n't seem to be in 
 wonderful good circumstances. But they treated us 
 very polite, and we staid till Thursday, for Brother 
 Hawley was a holdin' a protracted meetin', and invited 
 the elder to stay awhile and assist. A Thursday we 
 come on to Gambletown, got there in the afternoon. 
 Elder Cumstork was very glad to see us, and so was 
 his wife. I was quite surprised when I seen her, for 
 I used to know her some. Her name was Mary 
 Cushman. She used to keep school in Wiggletown 
 when Melissy was a little gal. I sent her to Miss 
 Cushman 's school. Melissy liked her very well, but 
 I never thought much o' her. She was kind o' proud
 
 THE REV. MBS. SNIFFLES AT HOME. 211 
 
 could n't git acquainted with her. She would n't 
 talk about noLody. She had quite a quarrel with 
 the Widder Jinkins about Alviry. Miss Jinkins took 
 \lviry out o' school. There was a great deal said 
 about it. Every body was a takin' sides. Miss Jinkins 
 went all around blazin' away against Miss Cushman. 
 But I could n't hear o' Miss Cushman's saying any 
 thing, though I s'pose Miss Jinkins did abuse her 
 shamefully. Well, I invited her to drink tea at our 
 house a purpose to see if she would n't have some- 
 thing to say about it, but she never opened her head. 
 I tried my best to draw her out expressed my opin- 
 ion o' the Widder Jinkins without resarve. But still 
 the provokin' critter never said a syllable about the 
 matter. I tell you 't was the last time I axed her there 
 to tea. I was disgusted with her. I took quite a dis- 
 like to her, and when she went away I did n't care 
 whether I ever heerd from her agin or not. And I 
 had n't heerd since did n't know what had become o' 
 her. But I know'd her the minnit I clapped my 
 eyes on her in Gambletown, for she 's ruther a singu- 
 lar lookin' woman. ' Law me,' says I, ' Mary Cush- 
 man, I want to know if that 's you?' 'Jest so,' says 
 sne, ' but I can't for the life o' me tell who you are.' 
 1 The dear me,' say I, ' why I 'm the Eeverend Misa 
 Sniffles, she 't was Widder Bedott, o' Wigglctown.' 
 Sure enough,' says she, ' I wonder I did n't know you, 
 but I 've seen so many folks since I was there, it
 
 212 WIDOW BEDOTT I'APERS. 
 
 ruther confuses me sometimes. 1 I thought 't wns a 
 pietty poor excuse for fogettin' me, but I passed it off. 
 She was wonderful polite to us. They'd ben to 
 dinner, but she went and got dinner for us right off. 
 Sha don't keep no help, does all her own work, and T 
 must say she keeps the house in very nice order, and 
 c :>oks pretty well considerin' she used to be a school 
 marm ; school teachers don't ginerally make no great 
 o' housekeeper's. Her husband seemed to be wonder- 
 ful proud o' her; told how well she got along, and 
 what a good manager she was, and all that. But I 
 thought I 'd let 'em know 't I had n't no great opinion 
 o' her housekeepin'. She sot on a leg o' biled muttoa 
 for us, and some vegetables and bread and butter. 
 So when we sot down to the table I declined takin' 
 aoy o' the meat. Miss Cumstork axed me if I wa'n'l 
 hungry. ' Yes,' says I, ' but I don't like biled vittals, 
 ain't used to 'em.' She felt awful bad, and went and 
 rec^ht on some cold roast beef. But I told her she 
 needn't a troubled herself, for I couldn't eat cold 
 meat. So she said she 'd cut off some slices and heat 
 'em in a stew-pan. I begged o' her not to dew it, >r in 
 my opinion warmed up vittals wa'n't fit to eat 'I'll 
 make out with a potater,' sayc I, ' and a piece :>' bread. 1 
 At last she gin up tryin' to make me take any thm' 
 else. But the elder he eat wonderful hearty. I kepi; 
 a winldn' at him to hold up, bat he would n't take 
 the hint ^Jlerward she brought on a rice puddin*,
 
 THE REV. MBS. SNIFFLES AT HOME. 213 
 
 and the elder iet into 't in arnest. ' I eat some tew, for, 
 to tell the truth, I was awful hungry, but did n't 
 want 'em to think I eat it because 't was good, so, I 
 says, says I, ' rice puddin' 's terrible plain ; but it 'a 
 better ! n nothin', and I s'pose I shall be sick if I don't 
 eat sornethinV When we was alone the elder un- 
 dertook to cake me to do about findin' fault with the 
 vittais, but I told him he need n't be consarned, for I 
 meant to let the Cumstorks see 't I know'd what was 
 what, though I had n't been a school-marm. And I 
 made it a pint to turn up my nose at every thing in 
 the house all the time I was there ; and I tell ye, I 
 wouldn't lelp laughin' in my sleeve to see how on- 
 comfortable it made 'em feel. Well, we stayed tiE 
 the next Monday, and the elder he preached for 
 brother Cumstork. The Gambletown folks was very 
 much taken with him, and with me tew, all the most 
 extinguished indiwiddiwals in the place called on me. 
 I see that they seemed to think Miss Cumstork was an 
 amazin' smart, intellectible woman, but whenever I got 
 a chance I let 'em know 't /did n't think so, nor the Wig- 
 gletown folks did n't think so nother. I ruther guess the 
 Cnmstorks '11 have to draw in their horns after this " 
 " Well, now, Sister Bedott Sister Sniffles I mean 
 I want to know if you think 't was Christianlike to 
 go there and abuse that poor woman in her own 
 house, and talk aginst her to her own congregation 
 into the bargain, when, accordin' to yer own story.
 
 214 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 she done all she could to make yer visit pleasant? 
 I 'd be asliamed to tell on 't if I 'd acted so ridiciJoTrss 
 I don't see what yer object was cuttin' uu so." 
 
 " I tell ye I wanted to show 'em 't 1 kncw'd what 
 was what." 
 
 "Well, I guess ye show'd'em one thing pretty plain 
 that ye dident know what politeness was." 
 
 " I guess, Sister Magwire, 't I know what politeness 
 is as well as you dew. It looks well for yoi* co be a, 1 
 tellin' me what 's right and what 's wrong, when my 
 first pardner was a deacon and jny present one 's a 
 minister when I want your advice I'll ax for it." 
 
 " "Well, well, I want to hear about them daggertypes 
 how they make 'em, and all in relation tew it. It 's 
 a wonderful art beats all I ever heerd of. Eow is it 
 th3y take 'em in so little while ?" 
 
 " Well, I '11 tell ye. Ther 's a pole stuck up in the 
 middle o' the floor, with a machine atop on 't kind of 
 an uplong shaped consarn looks for all the world 
 like the old cannon they haul out on Independence 
 and training day? about so wide and so long. In the 
 little eend on 't ther 's a hole, and inco chat hole the 
 daggerotyper slips the steel plate that the picter 's to 
 be made on., and kivers it up. Then ye have to set 
 down in a cheer about as. fur from the machine as 
 from here to that stove, on an average. Then he fast- 
 ens yer head in an iron consarn to keet> it still -for 
 ye 've got :o set as onmovable as a wax- work, and as
 
 THE BEV. MBS. SNIFFLES AT HOME. 216 
 
 stiff as stilly ards, or the picter '11 be spiled. Then yo 
 must look strait at the machine that stans there a pint 
 in' right at yer face " 
 
 " Grammany ! I should think 't would be an awfuJ 
 sittiwation. I should be frightend out o' my wits." 
 
 " Lawful sakes ! I wa'n't a bit skairt. Well, ther 's 
 a winder right aside o' ye, and a white sheet fastened up 
 all round ye, and when ye Ve got fixt, he takes the kiv- 
 er off o' the machine, and the light reflects into the win- 
 der and onto yei face, and from yer face it refragerates 
 onto the steel plate, and executes the picter in a minit." 
 
 " Well, I don't understand now a bit better 'n I did 
 afore." 
 
 " I never ! how dumb you be ? it 's as clear as day 
 light to me. I seen right through it at fist." 
 
 " Well, what do they call them daggertypes for ?" 
 
 " O, I s'posc that 's on account o' the dagger they 
 use to polish off the plates aforehand. Seems to me 
 that was whav Jabe said." 
 
 "Jabewhc?" 
 
 " Why Jabe Clark he took that picter." 
 
 "You don't!" 
 
 " It 's a euros circumstance. I '11 tell yt- how it 
 happened. I 'd no more idee o' the daggertyper bein' 
 Tabe Clark than nothing in the world. Nobody did- 
 ent know it. He was there in Gambletown cuttin' a 
 mighty swell with, his daggertypes makin' money 
 like dirt. Had his gallery over Smith's store altered
 
 216 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 his name had a great flarin' sign stuck up over his 
 door that had on 't, ' Mr. Augustus Montgomery, 
 Daggertyper.' Well, we went in there a Friday to 
 look at his picturs, and see what he taxed for takin' 
 'em thought mabby he 'd strike off some on account 
 of our belongin' to the clargy. Brother Cumstork 
 went with us and introduced us ; and Mr. Montgom- 
 ery was wonderful polite showed all his picters : told 
 us all about 'em tew the way he took 'em and so on; 
 though most on 'em was his own likenesses. There 
 was Mr. Montgomery a readin' Mr. Montgomery a 
 smokin' Mr. Montgomery a shavin'i and ever so 
 many more. I forgit what they was all a dewin'. 
 All the time I kept a thinkin' I 'd seen the man afore ; 
 but to save my life I couldent remember when nor 
 where. He looked kind o' natral some how, and his 
 voice sounded jest as if I 'd heerd it afore. But then 
 he lookt so different, no wonder I dident know him at 
 first. He 'd cut off his whiskers all, only a bunch on 
 the tip of his chin ; and he 'd got on spectacles though 
 I noticed he looked over the tops of 'em. He had a 
 wig, tew, considerable blacker 'n his own hair. The 
 elder and me we stood up together and axed him if 
 he thought we 'd take well. He looked at us a min- 
 ute s and then says h'e, ' Jingo I you M make an admy- 
 rable picter.' Then it popped right into my head 
 who 't was I was on the pint o' screamm *ight out 
 but i happened to think and hild my tongue, for
 
 THE REV. MRS. SNIFFLES AT HOME. 217 
 
 tb'nks me, I '11 come up with ye old feller for that 
 ' grody fiewry ' afore I quit ye. So I told him we 'd 
 set for jur picters ; and he fixed the plate and the ma- 
 chine and arranged us in our cheers the way we 
 wanted uC be represented and then he took us. But 
 toe first r.ne wa'n't good. The Elder he hysted his 
 eyebrows it 's a trick o' hisen and so his pictur had 
 as much as a dosen pair of eyes. 'T was ruther big- 
 ger 'n I wanted it tew. I axed him if he couldent 
 make one ruther smaller. He said, ' O yes, he had a 
 process 1y which he could manage 'em down to any 
 size.' Sc we sot agin, a little furder off from the ma- 
 chine, and that time 't was good. I was so much 
 pleased with it, I told him I 'd have another one took 
 for Miss Sam Pendergrass, a friend o' mine. The el- 
 der looked ruther surprized, but he dident say noth- 
 ing. Well, he got another one foil as good as the 
 first ; and I liked it so well, I concluded to have an- 
 other one to fetch home with me. The elder opened 
 his eyes and looked surpriseder 'n ever ; but I gin him 
 a look, and he hild his tongue. After he 'd finished 
 'em all up, and got 'em all sot in the cases, says I, 
 'Well, now, Mr. Montgomery, what d' ye tax?' 
 'Well,' says he, 'my reglar price for a double picter 
 is tew dollars ; but I always want to dew the fair 
 thing by the clargy ginerally make a pint to throw 
 off some for them. So in your case I wont tax but 
 five dollars for the hull.' As good luck would have 
 10
 
 "218 WIDOW BED IT PAPEES. 
 
 it, I happened to have that ar hnzzom-pin he sold me 
 eider in my work-pocket. It had ben there ever 
 since the Elder first showed it to me. So I takes it 
 out and holds it up afore him. 'T was as green as 
 grass, and any body could see in a minit that 't was? 
 brass. ' There,' says I, ' that 's a buzzum-pin that my 
 husband bought of a pedlar and paid him fiye dollars 
 for it. He was a wonderful pious pedlar h?,d jest ex 
 perienced religion and of course he wouldent take 
 the advantage of a minister o' the Gospel , and he 
 said 't was woth double the money he caxed ; but 
 seein' he was tradin' with the clargy, he wouldenl 
 charge but half-price. To be sure, it dident look so 
 green then as it does now the greenness was princi- 
 pally on husband's side. Now I 'm willin' to dew as 
 well by you as Jabe Clark done by my husband. I '11 
 let ye have this pin to pay for the picters, and won't 
 ax no boot.' Then I gin him a knowin' look. 
 
 I wish you could a seen the critter. I tell ye 't was 
 rich, as Jeff says. He turned pale, and then he 
 turned red, and looked as if he was completely 
 stumped. The elder he begun to ham and haw as if 
 he was a gwine to say something. But I looked at 
 him in a way that made him think 't wa'n't wotb 
 while. Elder Cumstork tew looked perfectly as 
 tonished. He examined the pin, and says he, " Why 
 Sister Sniffles, this ere 's brass and no mistake- -that 
 pedlar cheated brother Sniffles most wickedly.''
 
 THE BEV. MBS. SNIFFLES AT HOME 219 
 
 ''What!" says I, "you don't s'pose that a pedlar 
 that had experienced religion at a protracted meeting 
 and sold splendid ' grcdy flewry' silk for only a dol- 
 lar a yard, and linen cambric handkerchers that wa'n'i 
 half cotton, for half price, would put off a brass biiz- 
 zom-pin onto a clargyman for gold ! what an idee !'' 
 Brother Cumstork dident say no more. Well, Mr. 
 Montgomery he stood there with his knees a shakm' 
 and a lookin' as if he 'd like to exasperate through the 
 key hole. At last says I " Come, what do you think 
 a' the offer?" "Well, well,'' says he, "raly, I I" 
 Then I marched strait up to him, and hild the pin 
 right unde? his nose, and says I, " Lfistopher ! do you 
 darst t:> saj that are pin 's brass?" He ketcht it out 
 c my hand and stuffed it into his pocket, and says he, 
 4t Well, bein' as you belong to the clargy, I s'pose I 'd 
 ought to accommodate ye." So I took my dagger- 
 types and started off. Jest as I was a passin' out be- 
 hind the men, Jabe ketcht me slyly by the sleeve, 
 and says he, "Widder!" : 'That ain't my name," says 
 1 " Miss Sniffles, I mean," says he, "I hope ye '11 
 keep dark" i dident say nothing ; but after we 'd 
 got into the street, right by the corner of the store, 
 where ther was a hull mess o' men standin', I looks 
 up to his winder and shakes my daggertypes in his 
 face and says I, " Jaby Clark, don't you feel green f n 
 Then i explained it to Elder Cumstork j and he told
 
 220 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 Sjcuth and I tell ye it flew like every thing. The 
 next mornin' Mr. Montgomery was missin\ 
 
 There comep the elder he 's ben over to Deacon 
 Hugle's. I '11 be hanged if he ain't a comin' in with 
 O7it cleanin' his feet. I wonder if any woman ever 
 had ther patience so tried as mine is all the time I 
 Here ye be mud and all. I wonder if it svei occur- 
 red tew ye what that scraper was put to the door for ? 
 Ye never think o' cleanin' yer feet no more 'n as if 
 ther wa'n't such a thing ii the world. I guess yer 
 first wife must a ben a wonderful particklar wo- 
 man." 
 
 " I assure you, Mrs. Sniffles, I was not aware that 
 %ny particles of mud adhered to the extremities cf 
 my boots." 
 
 "I presume ye wa'n't aware on't. Ye'd go head 
 foremost into a mud puddle as big as a meetin'-houce, 
 and not be aware on 't. Sal ! fetch here the dust pan, 
 and brush, and clean up this mud, quick. There! 
 jest like ye ! can't take it up without gittin' down on 
 yer knees to dew it." 
 
 " I got down to look after it coulden* see where 
 'twas." 
 
 " Couldent see it, hey ! Hain't ye no eyes in yer 
 head ? Ye Ve ben so used to mud and dirt all yer 
 days, I s'pose you actilly don't see it without it 's a 
 lump as big as yer head. Scoured them pans yit?" 
 
 "Yes, ma'am."
 
 THE BEV. MRS. SNIFFLES AT HOME. 221 
 
 " Well, why dident ye come and let me know when 
 ye got done say ?" 
 
 " Because I only just got done this minute." 
 " That 's a likel/ story ! 1 11 bet a dollar ye Ve ben 
 a lookin' out o' tha winder, or 'jalkin' to Bets Wilson 
 this half hDur. G-O along and make up a fire, and 
 put on the tea kittle, [boxing her ears] and then go 
 oat and mop off the steps, and git 'em ready for Mr. 
 Sniffles to dob up with mud agin next time he comes 
 in" 
 
 " Well, Sister Sniffles, I guess I must go." 
 '-What! 1 thought ye was a gwine to stay to tea. 1 * 
 " No, I can't husband T be expectin' me hum to 
 drink tea with him." 
 
 " Well, then. 1 11 jest throw on my things and run 
 ovei and take a dish with ye, for I 'm tired, and don't 
 feel like gittin' vittals myself." 
 
 " Brother Sniffles you come along tew." 
 " Well, then, Sal you may take off the tea-kettle ; 
 and don't ye maLe no more fire shet up the stove, 
 and let ii go down and take yer knitting ork and stick 
 to 't stiddy. If ye want any thing to eat afore we git 
 back, ye may git some o' that cold pork and taters. 
 Thank fortin the cubbard 's locked, or I s'pose she 'd 
 be a pokin' her nose into the rest o' the vittals 
 moopin' critter.'
 
 XXL 
 
 in *rtr to 
 
 " T SAY I 'm disgusted with this old house ; 't ain't 
 fit for ginteel folks to live in ; looks as if 't was 
 built in Noah's time, with its consarned old gamble 
 ruff and icetle bits o' winders a pokin' out like bird 
 cages all round. Painted yaller, too, and such a hum- 
 bly yaller ; for all the world jest the color o' calomel 
 and jollup !" 
 
 " But you are aware, Mrs. Sniffles " 
 
 " I say 't ain't fit to live in. I 'm ashamed on ' X I 
 feel awful mortified about it whenever I look at Alias 
 Myerses and Miss Loderses, and the rest o' the hansomt 1 , 
 sittiwations in the neighborhood, with their wings and 
 their piazzers and foldin' doors, ana all so dazzlin 1 
 white. It 's ridicilous that we should have to live in 
 such a distressid lookin' old consarn, when we're 
 every bit and grain as good as they be, if not ruthei 
 better." 
 
 " Nevertheless, the house is very comfortable." 
 
 " ComfortaHe I who cares for comfort when gintili-
 
 EXPRESSES HER SENTIMENTS. 223 
 
 cy 's consarned ! / don't. I say if you r re detarmined 
 fcc stay in it, you 'd ought to make some alterations 
 in 't. You 'd oughf to higher the ruff up and put on 
 some wings, and build a piazzer in front with four 
 great pillars to ? t, and knock out that are petition be- 
 twixt the square room and kitchen, and put foldin' 
 doors instid on't, and then build on a kitchen behind, 
 and have it all painted white, with green winder 
 blinds. That would look something like, and then I 
 shouldent feel ashamed to have ginteel company come 
 to see me, as I dew now. T' other day, when Curnel 
 Billins and his wife called, I couldent help noticin' 
 how contemptible she looked round at the house and 
 furniture I actilly was so mortified I felt as if I 
 should sink right through the floor." 
 
 "But you know, Mrs. Sniffles" 
 
 " I say we 'd ought to have new furnitur sofys and 
 fashionable cheers, and curtains, and mantletry orna- 
 ments, and so forth. That old settee looks like a sight, 
 And them cheers, tew, they must a come over in the 
 ark. And then ther ain't a picter in the house, only 
 jest that everlastia' old likeness o' Bonyparte. I '11 
 bet forty great apples it 's five hundred years old. I 
 was raly ashamed on 't when I see Miss Curnel Bil- 
 lins look at it so scornful when they called here. I 
 s'pose she was a counterastin' it with their beautiful 
 new picters they 're jest ben a gittin up from New 
 York, all in gilt frames. I seen one on 'em t' other
 
 224 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 day in to Mr. Bungle's shop, when I went in with 
 Sister Tibbins to look at her portrait that he 's a paint- 
 in'. I seen one o' Miss Billinses picters there. 'T was 
 a splendid one, as big as the top o' that are table, and 
 represented an elegant lady a lyin' asleep by a river, 
 and ther was a little angel a. hoverin' in the air o^er 
 her head, jest a gwine to shoot at her with a bow and 
 arrer. I axed Mr. Bungle what 't was sent to his shop 
 for, and he said how 't Miss Billins wa'n't quite satis- 
 fied with it on account o' the angel's legs bein' bare, 
 and she wanted to have him paint some pantaletts on 
 'em, and he was a gwine to dew it as soon as he got 
 time. He thought 't would be a very interestin' picter 
 when he got it fixed. I think so tew. I dew admire 
 picters when they ain't all dirty and faded out like old 
 Bony there. Them Scripter pieces that Sister Myers 
 has got hangin' in her front parlor them she painted 
 afore she was married, strikes me as wonderful inter- 
 estin', especially the one that represents Pharoh's 
 daughter a findin' Moses in the bulrushes. Her para- 
 sol and the artificials in her bunnit is jest as natral as 
 life. And Moses, he looks so cunnin' a lyin' there 
 asleep, with his little coral necklace and bracelets on 
 it's a sweet picter. And Hike that other one, tew, 
 that represents Pharoh a drivin' full tilt into the 
 Red Sea after the Isrelites. How natral his coat- tails 
 flies out. I think some Scripter pieces would be very 
 approbriate for a minister's house. We might git Mr
 
 EXPRESSES HER SENTIMENTS. 225 
 
 Bungle to paint some for the front parlor, and our 
 portraits to hang in the back parlor, as Miss Myers 
 has theirn. But law me ! what 's the use o' my talk- 
 in' o' havin' picters or any thing else that 's decent ? 
 You don't take no interest in it. You seem to be per- 
 fectly satisfied with this flambergasted old house and 
 every thing in it." ; 
 
 11 My former consort never desired any thing supe 
 rior to it." 
 
 " Your former consort ! I 'm sick and tired o' hear 
 in' about her. 'T aint by no means agreeable to have 
 dead folks throw'd in yer face from mornin' to night. 
 What if she was satisfied with her sittiwation ? 
 'T ain't no sign / should be. I s'pose she hadent 
 never ben used to nothin' better, but I have" 
 
 "But, Mis. Sniffles, you must recollect that " 
 
 " I say 't ain't to be put up with. I want to have 
 some company ben wantin' tew ever sence we was 
 married ; but as for invitin' any ginteel people a visit- 
 in* to such a distressid old shell as this is, I won't dew 
 it, and so Miss Billins and Miss Loder and them 
 would say I was tryin' to cut a swell, and couldent 
 tn?ke it out. And I don't mean to accept no more 
 invitations amonkst them that lives in style, for it ag- 
 gravates me, it does, to think how different I 'm sitti- 
 wated. Sc you may make yer pastoral visits without 
 me in future, for I Ve made up my mind not to go out 
 none as long as we live in this ridicilous old house." 
 10*
 
 226 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 " But recollect, Mrs. Sniffles, this house is a parsonage 
 I occupy it rent free." 
 
 " I don't care if 't is a parsonage. I say the congre- 
 gation might afford you a better one, and for my part, 
 I 'm disposed to make a fuss about it." 
 
 " Mrs. Sniffles, you must be aware that I am not 
 possessed of inexhaustible means. I have never at- 
 tempted to conceal from you this fact therefore, you 
 must also be aware that there exists an entire impossi- 
 bility of my erecting a new residence on the plan 
 which you propose. Nor is it at all probable that the 
 congregation would be willing to make such altera- 
 tions in this as you suggest. Yet, I assure you, that I 
 have not the slightest objection to your employing 
 your own means in the construction of a more elegant 
 edifice." 
 
 " My own means !" 
 
 " Yes, Mrs. Sniffles. Your dissatisfaction with the 
 parsonage is so great, that I have for some time past 
 been expecting you would propose building a new res- 
 idence ; and I repeat that such an appropriation of a 
 portion of your funds would meet my concurrence." 
 
 "My funds!" 
 
 " Your funds, Mrs. Sniffles. It is a delicate subject 
 and one on which I have hitherto hesitated to make 
 inquiry, although possessing an undoubted right io do 
 BO. I have been expecting ever since our union, that
 
 EXPRESSES HER SENTIMENTS 227 
 
 you would inform me how and wheie your property 
 is invested." 
 
 " My property !" 
 
 "Your property, Mrs. Sniffles. In what does it 
 consist, if I may be permitted to inquire ?" 
 
 "Land o' liberty ! you know as well as I dew." 
 
 " What am I to infer from that observation ?" 
 
 " Jest what you 're a mind to. I ain't woth money, 
 and I never said I was." 
 
 " Mrs. Sniffles, you are well aware that on your ar- 
 rival in this place, common report pronounced you to 
 be an individual of abundant means, and I have al- 
 ways labored under this impression an impression 
 which, allow me to remind you, yourself confirmed 
 in a conversation which occurred between us in the 
 parsonage grove." 
 
 " You don't mean to say 't I told you so, and you 
 darsent say 't I did." 
 
 " A-hem I mean to Lay that you did not deny it 
 when I delicately alluded to the subject. On the con- 
 trary you led me to infer that such was the fact, and 
 under that impression I was induced to accede to your 
 proposal." 
 
 " My proposal ? What do you mean to insinniwate ?" 
 
 " I should have said your your evident inclina- 
 tion for a a matrimonial engagement. I deeply re- 
 gret, Mrs. Sniffles, that you should have allowed your- 
 self to practice upon me what I can not consider in any
 
 228 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 other light than that of a heinous and unmitigated 
 deception. I regard it as an act quite incompatible 
 with your religious professions." 
 
 " You dew, hey ? well, you can't say 't I ever told 
 you out "and out that I was woth property ; and if 
 you was a mind to s'pose so from what I did say, I 'm 
 sure 't ain't my fault, nor I ain't to blame for othei 
 folkses saying I was a rich widder." 
 
 " Mrs. Sniffles, T lament exceedingly that you should 
 view it in that light. You can but acknowledge that it 
 was your duty when I requested information on tho 
 subject, to have given me a correct account of your 
 property." 
 
 " I hadent no property to give ye an accont of." 
 
 " You should have told me so, Mrs. Sniffles, and 
 not have suffered me to infer that you was in easy 
 circumstances." 
 
 " 1 tell ye agin, I couldent help what you inferred, 
 and s'pozen I could, whnh was the most to blame, me 
 for lettin' you think I was rich, or you for marry in' 
 me "because you thought I was rich ? For my part, I 
 think thai was ruther incompatible with yiur profess- 
 ions. Ministers had ought to have their affections sot 
 above transiterry riches." 
 
 "Mrs. Sniffles, this is a a delicate subject, we 
 will waive it, if you please." 
 
 "But I think the congregation ought to fix up the 
 house."
 
 EX TRESSES HER SENTIMENTS. 229 
 
 ** I will lay it before the session at tlie next meet- 
 ing." 
 
 " Well, dew, for pity's sake. And if they agree to 
 fix it, I'll go a journey somewhar while it 's a "bein' al- 
 tered, and you can board round, and Sal can stay at 
 sister Mag wire's." 
 
 Extracts from Mrs. Sniffles' Diary. 
 SABBATH DAY EVENING. 0, what a precious sea- 
 son this day has been to me ! My pardner has 
 hild forth with uncommon unction. O, may he long 
 be a burnin' and shinin' light to the world ! My feel- 
 ins to-day has been of the most desirable natur. 
 that I could say so every night ! but, alas ! ther is 
 times when I feel as cold as a stun, when the face o 
 creation seems to frown, and evidences is wonderful 
 dull. And then agin. I 'm as bright as a dollar, and 
 have such wonderful clear manifestations, and such 
 oncommon nearness and such a sense of intarnal 
 satisfaction. that I couTd always feel as I 'd ought 
 to feel. Dear suz ! I 'm often reminded o' what my 
 deceased companion, the lamented Deacon Bedott, 
 used to remark, " We 're all poor critters." 
 
 To-day we 're liable to fall, 
 
 To-morrow up we climb, 
 For 't ain't our nature to enjoy 
 
 Religion all the time. 
 
 MONDAY. Have ben very much exercised to-day' 
 on account of Sally Blake, our help. Her depraved
 
 230 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 natur Kas showed out in a very tiym' manner. .But 1 
 feel to rejoice that I Ve ben enabled to be faithful with 
 her. How I have wrastled day and night for that dig- 
 tressid child ! 0, that I may have grace to bear with 
 patience and resignation the daily trials I have to un- 
 dergo with her ! I feel to be thankful that thus far J 
 have ben supported and hain't sunk under it as many 
 would a done. O that I may be enabled to feel and 
 realize that such afflictions is sent for the trial of my 
 faith. 
 
 THURSDAY. O, what a responsible sittiwation is 
 mine as President of the " F. U. D. G-. E., and A. So 
 ciety !" I Ve realized it in an overwhelmin' degree 
 to-day. Attended the meetin' this afternoon, and 
 some very onpleasnt circumstances occured. But 1 
 feel to be truly thankful that I had grace to presarve 
 my uniformity in the midst of the diffikilties. I wish 
 I could say as much for some o' the rest o' the mem- 
 bers, especially Sail Hugle. 0, the vanity and pride 
 o' that critter I it grieves me to the heart. 
 
 SATURDAY. My beloved Shadrach has jist inform- 
 ed me that the parsonage is to be repaired and made 
 comfortable. My dear pardner has requested it to be 
 done intirely to please me, and quite unbeknown to 
 me. It 's true it needs it bad enough, but then I never 
 should a thought o' complainin' about it. I feel that 
 I 'm a pilgrim and a sojourneyer here, and hadent 
 ought to be partickler, and so I told the elder when he
 
 EXPRESSES HEB SENTIMENTS. 231 
 
 proposed havin' the house repaired. But he insisted 
 on 't and I consented more for his sake than my own. 
 that I may be truly thankful for the blesains 1 injoy 
 especially for such a pardner I 
 
 Blest be the day o' sacred mirth 
 That gave my dear companion birth , 
 Let men rejoice while Silly sings 
 TLe bliss her precious Shadrack brings.
 
 XXII. 
 
 T~\ON'T care a snap for him, hey? Now Nancy 
 Harrington, I want to know if you think 
 you 're a gwine to make me believe such a story as 
 that? I' know letter. I can see as fur into a mill- 
 stone as any body and I know and have know'd for 
 better 'n six months how 't you and Jasper Doolittle 
 tuck a notion to one another. 'T is extrawnary how 
 gals will talk ! If you don't care a snap for him, 
 what makes you go with him to lecters, and con certs, 
 and sleigh-rides, and all kind o' dewins ? Don't tell 
 me you don't care a snap for him. He 's a real nice 
 young man tew stiddy and industrus and dewin' 
 well you never '11 have a better chance in yer life 
 mabby he hain't said nothin' partickler to you yet 
 but that 's no sign he ain't a gwine tew as soon as he 
 gits his curridge up. He 's rather bashful, you know 
 it takes them sort o' fellers longer to come to the pint 
 in such matters, they want considerable spurrin' up, 
 and I advise you not to let nobody else hear you say 
 you don't care nothin' about Jasper Doolittle trouble
 
 AUNT MAGUIRE S EXPERIENCE, 233 
 
 Gomes o them kind o' speeches. I know by experi- 
 ence I come purty nigh losin' yer Uncle Joshaway 
 V>y makin' an unprudent remark o' that nater. I '11 
 tell you how 't was, and mabby you '11 take warnin' 
 by it. I remember egzackly when 'iwas 'twas in 
 the month o' March, about tew year and a half arter 
 Sister Bedott was married ; yer uncle and me 'd ben 
 keepin' company all winter : he come t' our house 
 every Sabberday evenin' regularly, besides always 
 seein* me hum from singin'-school and evenin' meet- 
 ins, and so forth 't was town talk that we was en- 
 grayed Joshaway Magwire and Melissy Poole that 
 was the story all round. But all this time, mind you 
 he hadent said a word tew me about havin' on him, 
 though I was suspectin' every day when he would. 
 You see he was awful bashful. Well, one night 
 ('t was in the month o' March), we was gwine hum 
 from singin'-school nary one on us dident say nothin' 
 for some ways. At last yer uncle ham'd and haw'd 
 tew or three times, and then says he to me, says he, 
 " Melissy !" says I, " Hey?" but he dident continner 
 for some time arter a spell he ham'd and haw'd agin 
 and he says to me, saj-s he, "Melissy!" says I, 
 "Well what?" but still he dident continner. At 
 /ast I see we was a gittin' purty nigh hum so I says 
 to him, say I, " Joshaway what was you a gwine to 
 remark ?" So then he says, says he, " I was a gwine 
 to say " but his curridge failed and he dident finish.
 
 /34 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 Afore long we come to the gate, and there we ^ 
 (we used to stop awhile at the gate in a gineral way), 
 and ays he, " Melissy !" says I, " Joshaway Maguire, 
 what dew you want?" " Why," says he," " I was a 
 gwine to ax you ." Jest then yer granf ther Pool? 
 opened the door and came out, and so yer uncle went 
 off and I went in. Well next day Hanner Canoot 
 come in t' our house and she begun to joke mo 
 about yer uncle now I never could bear Hanner 
 Canoot she was a reglar mischief-makin' old maid 
 always a meddlin' with every body's bizness in the 
 place and sure as she see a young cupple appearantiy 
 attached to one another, she 'd insiniwate sutin' or, 
 other against 'em. She couldent git no sweetheart 
 herself, and it made her awful cross-grained and mad 
 at them as could git 'em. I hadent never had no 
 diffikilty with her but I dispised her and yei 
 gram'ther Poole used to say to me frequently, " Me 
 lissy, dew be keerful what you say afore Hanner 
 Canoot she 's a dangerous critter" and I was kerful 
 in a gineral way. And then, you see, ther was 
 another thing about it there was her brother, Josiar 
 Canoot he 'd ben tryin' to be perlite to me tew 01 
 three year and I wouldent keep company with him, 
 nor have nothin' to say tew him and Hanner she 
 know'd it, and felt awful spiteful to me on account o r 
 that. Speakin o' Siar Canoot the last time I was up 
 to Wiggletown, yer A.unt Bedoot tolled me he was
 
 ACNT MAQUIRE'S EXPERIENCE. 235 
 
 quite pertickler to her. He hain't never ben married. 
 I s'pose nobody wouldent have him he was so lazy 
 and so consarned' disagreeable and so awful humbly. 
 Why his hair was as read as blazes and he hadent 
 no nose at all and what ther was on 't turned right 
 ap straight. "When yer Aunt Bedott tell'd me about 
 his steppin' up to her, I say, says I, "I hope you 
 won't incurridge him, Silly for he 's a poor shiftless 
 critter." " Why no he ain't, nother," says she, " he 's 
 ben in the millentary and got to be Cappen Canoot." 
 11 1 don't care for that," says I ; " 't wouldent make no 
 difference to me if he was gineral he 's Si Canoot 
 and always will be." Well, I felt awful worried 
 about it, and when I come hum, I telled yer uncle 
 on't, and says he, "0 don't you be afeard o' Silly's 
 marryin' him. I'll be bound he hain't no idee o' 
 marryin' Jier. She always thinks the men has serus 
 intentions if they look at her" that's what yer uncle 
 paid and I don't say but what 'Z is so Sister Bedott 's 
 a curus critter tho' she's a nice woman in the main. 
 "Well, I was a gwine to tell what Hanner said ; she 
 begun to joke me and says she (I was a spinnin' on 
 a gret wheel you know), well she begun at me and 
 Bays she, " Melissy, they tell curus stories about you ;" 
 whiz- -whiz whiz went the wheel, and I jertended 
 I dident hear her. Arter a spell she spoke up louder, 
 and says she, "Melissy they tell strange stories 
 about you and Joshaway ;" whiz whiz whiz went
 
 236 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 the wheel. I made as if I dident hear a word, she said 
 so bymebye she turns GO yoor gram'ther (she 
 was a settin' there), and says she " How is it, M'iss 
 Poole? when 's that are weddin' comin' on ?" " What 
 weddin?" says mother, says she. "Why, Melissy 
 and Joshaway Mag wire, beshure/' says Hanner, says 
 she. "Never not as I knows on," says mother, 
 says she, "I don't know nothin' about no such 
 bizness." Well -she see she couldent git no satisfac- 
 tion out o' mother, so she hollers to me agin, and says 
 she, " seems to me yer ruther hard o' hearin' to-day, 
 Melissy." Whiz-z-z-z-z went the wheel louder 'n ever, 
 and I dident take no notice o' what she said. Purty 
 soon she bawled out agin, and says she "I guess 
 what makes you so deef, you must a ketcht cold in 
 yer head last night- 't was rather a long journey you 
 tuck to git hum" (you see yer uncle and me went 
 hum by the turnpike instid o' gwine cross lots but 
 how the critter found it out dear knows). Well, 1 
 dident pay no 'tention, but I tell you I was a gittin' 
 awful mad. Arter a spell she gits up and comes and 
 dumps herself right down aside o' me, and says she, 
 " Say, Melissy, dew tell when you and Joshaway 's a 
 gwine to step off he 's a very nice young man, tho' 
 I guess he won't never set the river afire." When 
 she said that, I was completely ryled up. I d ben a 
 growin' madier and madder all the time to think o 
 her tellin' right afore mother about our comin' bum
 
 
 Banner Cannoot yer a meddling old maid, I wish you'd mind yer own bizness, 
 Jam me alone a'jout Josh. Maguire. I wouldn't wiys my old shoes on him. PAGB 2
 
 AUNT MAGUIRE'S EXPERIENCE. 237 
 
 by the turnpike and then say in' " he wouldent never 
 eet the river afire" 't was tew much, I couldent hold 
 m no longer; so I turned round and shook my wheel- 
 pin in her face, and says I, " Hanner Canoot yer a 
 meddlin' old maid. I wish you 'd mind yer own 
 bizness and lem 'me alone about Josh Magwire / 
 wouldent wipe my old shoes on him" Now what did 
 the critter dew when I spoke so ? Why she snorted 
 right out a laffin, and says she, " 0, don't git in a pas- 
 sion, Melissy don't , dew keep your temper till yer 
 oiarried dew." Purty soon she went hum. This 
 was a Friday. Well Sabberday come and I dident 
 see nothin o' Joshaway. I thought 't was ruther queer, 
 but I reckon'd on seein' on him to Wensday evenin' 
 meetin' so I waited with patience till Wensday 
 tvenin' come, and I went to meetin'. Well, he was 
 there, and 1 s'posed of course he 'd wait on me hum 
 but when meetin' was out, lo and behold! he went 
 straight apas me and axed Cloey Foggerson if he 
 should have the pleasure o' seein' her hum I Then it 
 all come thro' my head like a flash o' lightnin', what 
 said to Hanner Canoot and I know'd she 'd told 
 him on *t as we as if I 'd heerd her. I tell you I felt 
 like death 1 I never know'd till that' minnit how 
 ir:uch 1 sot by Joshaway Magwire the idee o' loosin' 
 on him was awful aggravatin'. 
 
 Well, I got hum somehow or other and went 
 straight off to bed buf; I dident sleep nun that night
 
 238 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 In the mornin' I got up with a tremenjuous headache, 
 and lookin' as pale as a ghost. Mother, she axed me 
 whether or no I wa'n't sick. I telled her no ; but all 
 that day I wa'n't fit for no bizness dident have no 
 appertite and when night come yer gram'ther felt 
 so consarned about me, she gin me a dose o' perrigar- 
 lick cause she said if I dident sleep that night I 'd sar- 
 tinly be attacked with the fever. In spite o' the per- 
 rigarlick I dident sleep a wink that night nother. 
 Next day I felt woss than ever, but I was awful high 
 sperrited, and I was detarmined nobody shouldent 
 know the reason. Thinks me if Joshaway 's a mind 
 to use me so, he may and be hanged to him. I ain't 
 a gwine to kill myself on account o' him he ain't the 
 only young man in the univarse. That was the way 
 I talked to myself but talkin' and dewin 's tew 
 things, you know, Nancy. The more I tried to de- 
 spise yer uncle, the more I couldent the more I tried 
 to hate him the'better I liked him. Well, so it went 
 on for a number o' weeks. Yer uncle never come 
 nigh me. I used to see him to singin' school and 
 meeting but he never offered to see me hum always 
 went with Oloey Foggerson. Afore long, every body 
 was a talkin' about him and Cioey Foggerson. But 
 what worked me most was the gals begun tc blag- 
 guard me about losin' my sweetheart, and thinks me/, 
 I 'U git him back if I die for 't. So arter ponderin' 
 on't a spell, I made up mind I d itcurridge Siai
 
 AUNT MAGUIRE S EXPERIENCE. 239 
 
 Canoot, and see 'f that wouldent bring yer uncle tew. 
 Si was ready enough to step up, you know, but I'd 
 gi'n him the mitten so many times, he was afeard to 
 ventur. So one day I goes by his shop (he was a 
 waggin-maker by trade, you know) he was a stand- 
 in' in the door as he always was in a gineral way 
 (he was everlastin' lazy) well, I says, says I, " How 
 dt aew, Mr. Canoot?" I tell you I never see a sur- 
 priscter critter 'n what he was I hadent spoke tew 
 him in better 'n a year. " Well as common," says he. 
 Says I. " Why don't you never f come to see us now 
 days, Mr. Canoot ?" The critter was mighty tickled 
 and says he " The reason I hain't ben 's cause I 
 reckoned my company wa'n't agreeable." " ! Mr. 
 Canoot, you mustent think so," says I and then I 
 went off. Well, next night he come t' our house, and 
 arler that he come every night and I tell you 't was 
 an awful cross to me to treat him any way decent 
 for I hated the critter like pizen : but I managed to be 
 periite tew him, and afore a week's time he poppt the 
 question. I tell'd him 't was very onexpected and I 
 nrjst consider on 't a spell afore I gin him an anser. 
 He seemed appearantly satisfied, and continnerd to 
 wait on me ; and I could see 't yer uncle felt oneasy 
 by the way he lookt sideways at us whenever he see 
 us rogether but still he never come, nigh me noi of- 
 fered tew speak tew me and so it went on for tew 
 hull months. All the nabors begun to talk about
 
 240 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPEES. 
 
 Josiar Canoot and me and Siar himself was a teazm 
 on me to know whether I hadent considered eny most 
 long enough and what to dew I dident know. I 
 was nigh upon crazy my health failed I hadent no 
 appetite, nor no sperrits. Yer gram'ther was awful 
 oneasy about me. You see I was all the darter she 
 had left to hum. Yer mar was married and gone, and 
 yer Aunt Bedott was married and gone tew. Well, 
 I got to be a miserable critter. One evening, arter 
 supper, I was in a dretful state o' mind. I know'd 
 Siar was a comin' that night to git his anser, and I 
 wanted to git red on him. So I huv on my things 
 and slipt out and went up to Sister Bedott's. She 
 lived to the upper eend o' the village. Well, I 
 found yer Aunt Bedott to hum alone. Yer Uncle 
 Hez wa'n't in gone to some meetin' or other and 
 Kiar (he was a baby then), he was asleep in the cra- 
 dle. " I 'm glad you Ve cum," says Silly, says she, 
 " for I 'm awful lonesome. Hez has gun off somewher 
 dear knows wher : 't is amazin' how any man can 
 be willin' to leave his pardner alone as much as he 
 docs. I 'm clear out o' patience with it- if it hader-.t 
 a ben for that flabbergasted young one's havin : the 
 snuffles, I 'd a went off somewher myself." (Yer 
 Aunt Bedott 's a nice woman, but she was always an 
 awful grumbler they dew say she jawed the deacon 
 out o' the world.) Well, so she went on scoldiu' and 
 frettin' and tellin' her troubles and trials, for ever so
 
 AUNT MAGUIRE'S EXPERIENCE. 241 
 
 long ; at last T broke in, and says I, " ! Silly, don't 
 go on so you dont know what trouble is." 1 said it 
 in a kind o' way that startled her, and says she, " Me- 
 lissy, what dew you mean?" I bust right out a cry- 
 in'. Yer aunt huv down her knittin' work and come 
 ap tew me, and says she, :/ Melissy Poole, what is the 
 matter ?" I kept on a cryin' and dident anser. At 
 last say she, "Dew tell what ails you, Melissy, dew 
 't lin't nothin' about Joshaway Magwire, I hope. I 
 wouldent, fret my gizzard for him; ther's as good 
 fishes h) tl.e sea as any 't e\er was ketcht yit." Well, 
 arter a spell 'ohinks me I may as well tell her. So 
 I telled her the hull from beginning to eend how 
 nigh yer uncle come to poppin' the question wLat I 
 said to Hanner Canoot how she provoked me to say 
 it how ondoubtedly she 'd told Joshaway on 't and 
 all how and about it. Well, at fust yer aunt blowed 
 me up sky high, for makin' such an unprudent speech 
 (she was unprudent enough herself, but she hadent 
 no patience with any body else for bein' so). At last 
 says she, " What 's said can't be onsaid the only way 
 to mend the mischief is for Joshaway and you to git 
 together and make it up somehow." " But how can 
 we git together," says I ; "I can't go to see him, and 
 he don't never come to see me no more." Arter 
 thinkin' a spell, says Silly, says she (Silly was always 
 a cunnin' critter), "I've got it now; you jest stay 
 here and see to the baby, and I '11 run into the Widder 
 11
 
 242 WIDOW BEDOTT TAPERS. 
 
 Magwire's it 's a good while seiice I've been there 
 It 's purty dark now, and by the time I come huiri 
 it '11 be awful dark, and Joshaway he '11 come with me 
 he's did it several times he 's wonderf.il peiiite - 
 and when we git to the door I ']! ax him to come in 
 and see husband. Hez won't be to hum ' ain't like! v 
 but Josh won't kno~v but what he is and when he 
 ones gits in, I' 11 bet forty gret apples you and he 11 
 make it all straight purty soon." U 0, Silly," says .[, 
 " that 's a real good idee but you mustent let him 
 know I 'm here, cause if you dew he won't come in." 
 "I won't, sartin sure," says she. So she put on her 
 things and off she went, and I sot dc rn the back side 
 o' the room and begun a contrivin' vhat I chould say 
 to yer uncle. O, Nancy ! you Ve no idee what a state 
 of preturbation I was in one minnit I was afeard 1 
 shouldent say nothin' to no purpose and the next 
 minnit I was eny most sure o' gittin' Joshaway bs.ek 
 agin. Well, Sister Bedott was gone- a hull hour. 
 You see Joshaway wa'n't to hum when she went, and 
 BO she stayed till he come. It did seem to me as if 
 she was gone a year. At last I . heerd 'em a comin'. 
 They got to the door and says yer uncle, says he, 
 "Good night." "0, you come in, dew," says yer 
 Aunt Silly, says she ; " Mr. Bedott wants to see you 
 amazinly." " Well," says he, " I '11 step in a minnit" 
 So in they come. " Why," says Sister Bedott, says 
 she, " I wonder where husband is ! you set down by
 
 AUNT MAG HIRE'S EXPEDIENCE. 243 
 
 the fire and I '11 go call him- he can't be far off 1 'm 
 sure; he wouldent go off and leave the baby alone." 
 So he sot down with his back to me (I was a settin 
 where he dident see me), and she went off into t' other 
 room and shot the door. Gracious sakes alive ! I 
 never in my hull life experienced such feelins as I did 
 that minnit and I never shall agin if I live a thous 
 and year. It seem'd as if my heart would jump right 
 out o' my mouth. Arter a minnit or so I ham'd yer 
 uncle he started and lookt round and when he see 
 me he riz up and made for the door. Thinks me, 
 I Ve lost him now sartain, sure. Jest as he got his 
 hand on the latch, says I, " Mr. Magwire !" He stopt 
 and lookt round at me, and says he, " Did you speak 
 to me, Miss Poole ?" " Yes," says I. " What did you 
 want?" says he; he spoke so cold and onconsarned, 
 I felt clear discurridged, and I jest bust right out a 
 cryin'. So then he come up to me, and says he, " Me- 
 lisrv 1'' Says I, " Joshaway, what makes you so cold 
 a^d distant to me lately?" Says he, "You're en- 
 gagec, ain't you, Melissy ?" Says, I " No I ain't no 
 such a thing." Arter a minnit he says, says he, 
 " What made you say you wouldent wipe yer old 
 shoes en me?" "Cause I wouldent, 11 says I, "and 
 ther ain't but one feller in the town I would sarve such 
 ft mean trick, and that's Siar Canoot he's jest fit to 
 wipe old shoes on." Now Nancy what do you s'poze 
 yer uncle done then ? Why he huv his arms round
 
 244 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 my neck, and giv ine such a thunderin' smack as I 
 never got afore nor sence. "O, Melissy," says he, 
 ''we'll be married arter all the fuss won't we?' 1 
 "I shouldent wonder," says I. And we was married 
 in less than a month, and I hain't never had no 'casion 
 to repent for he 's made me a fust rate husband ; but 
 only think how nigh I come to losin' on him jest for 
 speakin' as I did to Hanner Canoot. She hain't never 
 ben nigh me sence I was married and as for Siar, 
 be was as mad as the Dragon.
 
 XXIII. 
 
 0f 
 
 O EE it 's about year since you was here, ain't it, 
 Nancy ? 'T wa'n't long afore you was married, I 
 know. Well, ther 's been some changes here since 
 then. We Ve lost our old minister, Parson Scrantum, 
 and got a new one. He seems to be a very good man, 
 Parson Tuttle does quite young yet -jest begun to 
 preach, hain't ben married but a little while. And his 
 wife appeared like . a nice woman, tew. But I feel 
 sorry for ; em. This is a trying place for a minister, 
 and a minister's wife, tew. Though I don't know but 
 what all places are jest so. All goes on slick enough 
 yet but I 'm afeard 't won't last long. They hain't 
 ben here but three months and the folks are makin' 
 a terrible fuss over 'em. You know it 's the way they 
 always dew when they git a new minister. They 're 
 ready to eat him up for a spell. And his wife law- 
 ful sakes ! ther 's nothing equil tew her. They make 
 an awful parade about her. Such treatment spiles the 
 minister's wives. Afore long they begin to think
 
 246 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 themselves the most important characters in creation 
 and really expect the hull community to be a flyin' 
 round all the time to attend tew 'em. And 't ain't at 
 all surprisin' it should be so it 's accordin' to natur. 
 But after a spell, the minister gits to be an old story, 
 and the people begin to find fault with him. Some 
 think he 's gittin' wonderful tejus ; some think he ain't 
 gifted in prayer, and he ain't sperritual minded enough 
 to suit some others. But the most gineral complaint 
 is, that he don't visit enough. As if a minister could 
 write tew sarmons a week sometimes three and go 
 a visitin' every day besides. And then his wife 't is 
 astonishin' how public opinion changes consarnin' her 
 The upper crust begin to think she's a troublesome 
 helpless critter. Say she depends on the congregation 
 to take care of her, and all that. They pick flaws in 
 every thing she says and does. And the under crust 
 call her proud say she visits Miss This, and don't 
 visit Miss That If she invites some of her neighbors 
 to drink tea with her some o' the rest '11 be mad, be- 
 cause she left them out, and say, she feels above 'em. 
 And so it goes on gittin' woss and woss she can't 
 please nobody. After a spell, the deacons begin to 
 hint to the minister that it 's gittin' ruther hard to raise 
 his salary, and wonder whether or no he could n't live 
 on less. If he thinks he could n't, they wonder wheth- 
 er or no he could n't dew more good in some other place. 
 So at last they drive him to ax a dismission, and the
 
 THE DONATION PARTY. 247 
 
 poor man takes his family and goes off somewhere 
 else, to go through with the same trials and troubles 
 over again. And after they Ve been settled about a 
 dozen "times, the minister begins to find out that all 
 ain't gold that glitters ; and his wife if she is a woman 
 o' sense discovers that she ain't a supernatral being 
 and must take care of herself, like other folks. 
 
 That 's the experience o' ministers in gineral. I 
 know it by my own observation and I 'm sure it 
 had ben the case with the Scrantums. They 'd ben 
 settled in a number o' places afore they come here ; 
 and Miss Scrantum, herself, told me that it took her a 
 good while to larn that a minister's life must be a life 
 o' trial and self-denial. But she did larn it at last. 
 Miss Scrantum was an excellent woman. She wa'n't 
 no gadder nor no gossipper. She stayed to hum and 
 took care of her husband and children. If any body 
 was sick or sufferin', she was there to help 'em ; but 
 she seldom went out any other time. She was good 
 to the poor, tew and divided her mite with 'em. 
 You 'd a thought folk? couldent find fault with her. 
 But they did. Some grumbled because she w'n't more 
 sociable and some was mad because she wa'n't what 
 they called an active Christian that is she wa'n't wil- 
 lin' to spend the hef- o' her time a runnin' round on 
 missionary -bisness and distribitin' tracts, and so forth. 
 But every body was outrageous at her, cause she tried 
 to reconcile Liddy Ann Buel and Deacon Fustick'a
 
 248 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 wife instid o' takin' sides with ary one on 'em when 
 they had that awful quarrel about the ostridge feath- 
 ers. But I thought and think yet that Miss Scran- 
 turn acted jest as a Christian ought to act in that biz- 
 ness, though every body else blamed her ; and Liddy 
 Ann and Miss Fustick got as mad at her as they was 
 at one another. 
 
 Parson Scrantum was a good man, tew and a 
 smart man they dident know how to vally him here. 
 To be sure he went away of his own accord ; but 
 I s'pose if he 'd a wanted to stay, they 'd a druv him 
 off afore long jest as they always dew for husband 
 said chey was beginnin' to growl about pay in' the sal- 
 ary. 1 cell ye, I felt dretful sorry when they went 
 away, and so did yer uncle we sot a great deal by 
 'em. And then they had such a nice family o' child- 
 ren. Susan, the oldest, is as nice a gal as ever I 
 know'd. I took a wonderful likin' lew her. Her 
 mother used to let her come in often ^nd set a spell 
 with me. I was awful lonesome ai'tei Jefferson went 
 off to study to be a doctor. Yer uncle was in the 
 shop biggest part o' the day, and 1 use I tc be here ail 
 stark alone a good deal o' the time ; and when Miss 
 Scrantum found out how lonesome 1 was she used to 
 send Susan over sometimes to see me She 'd feteb her 
 sewin' or her knittin' and stay an hour or tew , and 
 sometimes she 'd fetch a book and read tew me, and it 
 used to chirk me up wonderfull/. And Mr Scrantum,
 
 THE DONATION PAETY 249 
 
 he used to coine in once in a while, and always had 
 somethin' good to say. 
 
 " You said he went away of his own accord, aunt ; 
 how did it happen ?" 
 
 Well, I '11 tell ye. "When they gin him a call to set- 
 tle here, they agreed to give him four hundred dollars 
 a year and a donation party every winter. Well, he 
 thought he could live on that. Four hundred dollar* 
 was purty small, to te sure, but then they was very 
 equinomical and industrious dident keep no hired 
 help Miss Scrantum and Susan done all the work 
 themselves. And they thought the donation party 
 would be quite a help they never 'd had none they 
 wa'n't customary where they come from. Well, they 
 managed to git along through the summer and fall 
 (JThey come here in the spring o' the year.) In De- 
 cember follerin',the congregation gin 'em their first do- 
 nation party. I dident go ; I never had ben to none ; 
 used to kind o' want to go sometimes but yer uncle 
 wa'n't willin' to have me he never approved o' them 
 givin' visits. He thinks that when the people want to 
 make their minister a present, they 'd ought to give it 
 in a private way, and not go and turn his house upside 
 down, to dew it So I dident go to that one. But I 
 don't think the Scrantums thought any the less of us 
 for it ; for they know'd we was as willin' to dew well 
 by 'em as any o' the congregation was, for yer uncle 
 ';] \vays paid his pew rent promptly, and that 's more 'n 
 
 ir
 
 250 WIDOW BEDOTT PAFEBS. 
 
 some that was richer done. And, besides that, we 
 often sent 'em presents. They always looked upon us 
 as the best friends they had here. 
 
 Well, never heerd how the donation party come 
 out. Miss Scrantum never said nothing about it, and 
 I never axed her no questions; only I know that 
 through the rest o' the winter the minister's folks 
 deemed to be more pinched than ever. I was in there 
 quite often, and though they did'ent make no com- 
 plaints, I could see plain enough that they had to 
 scrimp and save, and patch and turn every way, to 
 keep any how comfortable ; for they had house-rent 
 to pay, and six children to support, and it takes con- 
 siderable to feed so many, to say nothin' o' clothm' and 
 eddicatin' on 'em. They had a good deal o' company, 
 tew, and that costs something. You see they had to 
 entertain all the stragglin' agents that come along, for 
 all sorts o' societies in creation. They 'd stop there to 
 save payin' tavern bills. It 's the way they always 
 dew, ye know. Well, they contrived to live along 
 till the next winter. The time come round for anoth- 
 er donation party ; and I says to yer uncle, says I 
 "Husband, I wan't to go to that givin' visit." U O, 
 ehaw," says he, " what do you want to go for ?" " O 
 says I, " 'cause I think so much o' the minister's folks." 
 " Well,*' says he, " that 's the principal reason why 1 
 should want to stay away from the givin' visit myself, 
 RS for you of course you can do as ye
 
 THE DONATION PABTY. 251 
 
 " WelL then," says I, "if you hain't no objections, I'll 
 go ; and I wish you 'd go tew, jest for once. 'T ain't 
 no use to ax me to go," says he ; " it 's aginst my prin 
 ciples ; I always mean to dew all I 'm able to support 
 the Gospel and help the minister ; but as for them 
 lee* I won't countenance 'em by my presence that's 
 all ; and let me tell ye one thing, if you go, I '11 bet a 
 oookey you'll wish you hadent a went afterward." 
 " Well that 's my look out," says I. " If you 're wil- 
 lin' I '11 go." " And what '11 ye take ?" says he, " a 
 stick o' tape, or a pint of emptins, or what?" "No, I 
 won't," says I, " I '11 take something o' more vally than 
 to.". " Then you '11 be odd," "says he. 
 
 So after considerin' a spell, I concluded te git, what 
 Miss Scrantum needed about as much as any thing, and 
 that was a new buunit. She wore a shabby, faded old 
 thing, that looked as if it came over in the ark. Well, 
 I thought I could git a ginteelei one in Harristown, 
 than I could by havin' on 't made here. So I got yer 
 uncle to harness up the hoss for me, one afternoon, 
 and bein' as he was tew busy to go with me himself, I 
 went over and axed Susan Scrantum to go 'long ; I 
 thought she could help me about pickin' on 't out 
 She 'd be likely to know what would suit her mother. 
 So I goes over and calls for Susan. She was delighted 
 to go she dident git a chance to ride very often. 
 Well, we druv to Harristown, and went into the best 
 'ookin 1 milliner's shop therwas there. "Now, Susy, r
 
 252 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS 
 
 says I " I 'm a gwine to git a new bunr.it, and I want 
 your advice about what to choose." ""Why, Mias 
 Magwire," says she, " I thought you load quite a nice 
 one a ready." " Well, it is middliu' nice," says I, 
 "but I ? ve wore it tew winters, and some ladies gits a 
 new one every winter, ye know. So we examined 
 all the bunnits in the shop, and I axed Susan which 
 she liked the best. " I should think that one would be 
 very purty for you," says she, pintin' to a plum-color- 
 ed satin one that hung on a peg. ;< It *s ma's favorite 
 color, and that makes me like it." Now that was jest 
 what I wanted to know. So I axed the milliner to 
 hand it down, and I tried it on, for I reckoned if 't 
 would fit me, 't would fit Miss ocrantum she was 
 about my size and it did fit nicely, so I bought it. I 
 had to pay six dollars for 't quite a launch out for me 
 more 'n ever I paid for a bunnit for myself. Susan 
 looked as if she thought I was ruther extravagant, but 
 she did n't say nothing. Well, I put it in a bandbox 
 I fetcht, and we went hum. When yer uncle come in 
 I showed it tew him, and he was quite pleasd with it ; 
 and '2 was a clear beauty, plum-colored satin, trimmed 
 off with a ribbin the same color, and lace borderin', 
 with white satin bows between, all quilled round the 
 inside. I axed yer uncle if 't was more expensive 
 than he was willin' I should give. " No," says he, " I 
 don't begrudge the money. I want you to dew the 
 hansome thing ; but 't would suit me a groat deal bet
 
 THE DONATION PARTY 253 
 
 ter if 70 a wait till the next day and then take it over." 
 *'O husband," says I, "I've got my heart sot on at- 
 teadiiT the party ; dew lemme go." " Well, go." says 
 he, "if you're beset tew; but mark my words, I'll 
 bet a dollar you '11 wish you had n't a went." 
 
 "Well, the day afore the party Jefferson come hum 
 to stay a few days. I told him I was gwine to the 
 donation party, and he said he 'd like no better fun 
 than to go with me. Jeff's always ready to go, you 
 know. So he went and got a ream o' nice paper for the 
 parson to write his sermons on. At last the day came, 
 and I and Jeff, we started off for the party. We 
 went quite early in the evenin', for I wanted to be 
 there 'fore 't was crowded. Ther hadent nobody come 
 when we got there, only three or four ladies, that was 
 a gittin' the supper ready. There was Glory Ann 
 Billins, and Polly Mariar Stillman, and Jo Gipson's 
 wife, and old mother Parker a settin' the table. You 
 know at them kind o' dewins they always have a sup- 
 per sot for the company. The congregation provides 
 the entertainment ginerally, but in this place the 
 minister's wife has to find a good share on 't. Miss 
 Scrantum found the tea and coffee, and sugar and 
 cream, and butter, and so forth. Some o' the neigh- 
 oors sent in cake and pies, and cheese and biscuit 
 But Miss Scrantum was afeared ther wouldent be 
 enough o' the cake and pies so she sent to the baker's 
 Vid got a mess more. Well, I axed Miss Gipson
 
 254: WIDO\* BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 where we should put our donations, and she told as 
 to take 'em in the parlor and lay 'em on the table. 
 Ther was a table there a purpose to put the dry goods 
 on. The provisions was carried into the store-room. 
 So we went in there and laid 'em on the table. The 
 bunnit was pinned up in a newspaper. Jeff he sot 
 down, and I started off to find Miss Scrantum. I found 
 her in the kitchen a makin' coffee. She looked dret- 
 ful tired and beat out. I was real sorry I hadent a 
 went sooner and helped her. She was wonderful glad 
 to see me ; and I told her to go and dress herself, and 
 I 'd make the coffee. So she thanked me and went 
 and I took hold and made the coffee. Ther was an 
 awful sight on 't ; I never made so much afore in all 
 my born days, and I never expect to agin. 7 T was 
 made in Miss Scrantum's biler. She 'd scoured it up 
 for the occasion. 'T was a biler that held ten pails 
 full and it was brimmin full o' coffee. After I 'd got 
 it made, I went back into the sittin'-room. They 'd 
 got the table all sot. Ther was lots o' cake, and bis- 
 cuit, and pies, and cold meat, and all sorts o' stuff. 
 Then I went into the parlor, and lo and behold, Jo 
 Gipson's wife and Miss Parker had on did the bunnit, 
 and was admirin' on 't at a wonderful rate. Jest then 
 Mr. and Miss Scrantum and the children 3ome in, and 
 dear me I how pleased they were with the bunnit 
 Miss Scrantum, she tried it on, and it fitted her to a T. 
 But Susan ! you 'd ought to seen Susan I She jumped
 
 THE DONATION PARTY. 255 
 
 and frisked abound, and lident hardly know what to 
 cbw with herself, she ^.yas so delighted. "0, Miss 
 Magwire." says she, " that beautiful bunnit wasn't for 
 you after all, was it ? What a dear good woman you 
 ere to make, ma such a fine present. She '11 look as 
 nica as any body now won't you ma?" They seemed 
 wondsrfiil leased to see Jefferson, tew ; and Mr. 
 Scrantuin was very glad to git the paper said 't was 
 jist what he wanted. "Well, purty soon the company 
 begun to come, and they come pourin' in thicker and 
 faster till the house was crammed. The settln'-room 
 door was locked, so as to keep 'em out o' there till 
 riupper was ready and I tell ye all the rest c' the 
 house was jest as full as it could stick. The parlor and 
 the hall and the bed-rooms was all ciowded and cram- 
 med. You 'd a thought from the number o' folks 
 that was there, that ther 'd been a wonderful sight o' 
 donations brought but as true as I 'm a livin' critter 
 - that table wa'n't half fall. But then ther was a 
 good many families that fetcht one article to answer 
 for the hull. For instance, Deacon Skinner and his 
 wife and four darters and tew sons was all there and 
 Miss Skinner fetcht a skein o' yarn to knit Parson 
 Scrantum seme socks. Miss Hopkins and her three 
 darters and her son and his wife, that was a visitin' her, 
 and their three children all come and Miss Hopkins 
 brought half a pound o' tea. And the Eunyons with 
 their four young ones what do you think they
 
 256 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 brought? why, Miss Bunyon fetcht a little fancy 
 basket to stick on the center-table and put visitin' 
 cards in. And the Miss Footes, three on 'em they 
 brought Miss Scrantum a pair o' cuffs. And all the 
 Binghams, they fetcht a neck ribbon for Susan. And 
 Deacon Peabody and his tribe, thei 's as much as a 
 dozen on 'em, they brought a sma 1 ! cheese. I heeid 
 afterward that half o' it was a donation and t' other 
 half was to go for pew rent. And Cappen Smalley and 
 all his children was there. He fetch a box o' raisins 
 out o' his store, ther was twelve pound in 'I, and Susan 
 told me afterward that ten pound was to go toward 
 pew rent and the rest was a present. The Widder 
 Grimes and Charity was there, of course. They 
 dident go nigh the donation table for some time, and 
 I was kind o' curus to know whether they 'd brought 
 any thing, and so I watch'd 'em, and bimebye, I ob- 
 served Charity go up slily, when she thought nobody 
 did n't see, and lay a little paper on the table, I had 
 the curiosity to see what was in it, so as soon as I get 
 a chance I took up the paper and peeped into 't, and 
 lo and behold ! there were two skeins o' thread ! did 
 you ever ? Widder Grimes is well off, but she 's tew 
 stingy to be decent, and Charity 's jest like her. Then 
 there was ever so many belonging to ether denomina- 
 tions, that dident bring nothin' ; the} come to show 
 their good will, to let folks see that they wa'n't bigoted 
 and prejudiced though they did differ in a religious
 
 THE DONATION PARTY. 257 
 
 pint o' view, and git their supper. And besides them, 
 I noticed a great many that I never see before no- 
 body knows where they come from nor where they 
 went tew. 1 guess they must a been raised up for the 
 occasion. And then ther was an awiul sight c' chil- 
 dren that straggled in from every where. Doctor 
 Lippincott, he was there, bowin' and scrapin' rcund as 
 usual awfully anxious about every body's health; 
 arid his wife, tew, as much consarned as he was and 
 their promisin' red-headed boy, and interestin' darter, 
 Anny Marier, with her six starched skirts on takin' 
 up more room than ary ten decent drest girls in the 
 room. The doctor always goes to all the donation 
 parties for fifteen miles round, to make himself popilar, 
 but nobody knows of his ever takin' any thin'. On 
 this occasion, Anny Mariar took a book-mark to Mr. 
 Scrautum, with a thing on it that looked like a chop- 
 pint-knife, and 2 mess o' French nonsense below it 
 But the greatest part o' the performance was the semi 
 nary gals and their donation. Ther was twenty -five 
 on 'em, and what do you suppose they fetcht ? Why, 
 the hull kit and cargo on 'em had conspired together 
 and made a rag baby for little Adeline Scrantum, and 
 rigged it up in gauze and tinsel, and thev. all come 
 togethei and brought that. Miss Pinch em, their 
 teacher, wa'n't there. She was sick o' somethin'. I 
 uess if she had a come, she 'd a kept 'em a little 
 straighter. Land o' liberty! I never see such an
 
 258 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 actin' set o' critters in all my born days! 
 carried on like all possesst I see some on 'em a 
 flourishin' round Jeff he 's always ready for a scrape, 
 you know and I was afeared lie 'd git to carryin' on 
 with 'em and I wouldent a had him for any thing, so 
 I gin him a caution. " Je^/' says I, " you let them 
 seminary galls alone ; they 're a wild set ; 't ain't 
 proper to cut up so in the minister's house." Jeff 
 promised to keep clear on 'em he generally does as 
 I want him tew. I '11 say that much for Jefferson, he 's 
 always been good about mindin'. But it went hard 
 with him to dew it then ; he was ripe for fun, and 
 determined to let off the steam some way or other. 
 So he looks round and he sees Charity Grimes stuck 
 up on the settee 't other side o' the room. Stiff as a 
 poker and prim as a, pea-pod you know what a 
 starched up, affected old critter she is. Jeff went to 
 school tew her when he was little and she snapped 
 his ears and cuffed him round, so he 's always hated 
 her like pizen ever since. She 's ben tryin' this twenty 
 year to git married and can't make it out. She 'c| 
 chased after Squire Fuller ever since his wife died, 
 Squire Fuller got married about a month afore that 
 and yer uncle says he verily believes he did it in self- 
 defense, jest to get rid o' Charity Grimes she bother'd 
 him to death ; he couldent go out in company but 
 what she 'd contrive to hook on to him. He 's a very 
 p^rlite man, the Squire is, and he dident want tew be
 
 THE DONATION PARPF. 259 
 
 rude to her. "bit he couldent bear her, though she tried 
 hard to make folks think he was her beaux. At last 
 he got married, quite suddenly, to a young woman in 
 Chenang county ; and yer uncle says he don't believe 
 he 'd a done it, if it hadent a ben to get rid o' Charity 
 Grimes ; for his wife had ben dead five year, and he 
 seemed to be uncommon contented for a uriddiwer. 
 But I was gwine to tell you what Jeff done. He see 
 Charity a sittin' there a tryin' to dew the agreeable to 
 Cappen Smalley (his wife hadent been dead long 
 by the way, they 'd make a good match, wouldent 
 they?) Well, Jeff says to me, says he " Mother, 
 may I go stir up Charity Grimes ?" " I don't know 
 what you mean by stirrin' on her up," says I. " 0," 
 says he, " I jest want to condole with her a little on 
 the loss o' Squire Fuller." "No," says I, "you 
 needent dew no such thing ; 't would be very im- 
 proper, indeed, and very aggravating tew." " Well," 
 says he, " may n't I jest go and talk a little Shake- 
 speare tew her ? (Jeff 's always quotin' Shakespeare, 
 you know.) " I 'm afeerd you '11 say something sassy," 
 says I. " No I won't," says he. " I '11 be all-killin 1 
 perlite." " Well -go, then," says L So off he steps, 
 demure as a deacon. " Good evenin', Miss Grimes," 
 says he. "Good evenin', Mr. Magwire," says she. 
 " It seems like old times to see you agin," says he; 
 and then he obsarved to Cappen Smalley " I used to 
 go to school to Miss Grimes when I was young.'
 
 260 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 Charity puckered up her mouth and grinned, and says 
 she. " Yes, you was quite a boy then -and I was a 
 mere child myself, exceedingly youthful for a teacher. 7 ' 
 " Well," says Jeff, says he, "you hain't altered a spek 
 since you hold your own amazingly you -looked 
 every bit as old then as you dew now ; but how do 
 joufeel about these days ?" "Feel!" says she, pickin' 
 up her ears, "I feel as well as common why should- 
 ent I?" " Excuse me," says Jeff, " I only axed be- 
 cause I did n't know but you felt ruther nonplussed, 
 put to 't for business as it were, since Squire Fuller 
 got married. ' Old feller's ocerpation 's gone' now, I 
 s'pose, as Shakespeare says." Gracious ! how mad 
 Charity was ! She brustled up like a settin' hen, and, 
 says she "Jeff Magwire, I don't care a straw for 
 what Shakespeare nor none o' the rest o' your rowdy 
 acquaintances says about me, I 'm above it ;* but who- 
 ever he is, you may tell him he 's an impudent puppy, 
 for call in' a young lady an old feller and you 're 
 another for tellin' on 't." So she got up and flounced 
 out into the hall. The folks all giggled and seemed 
 wonderful tickled; but Jeff, he looked round as 
 astonished as he could be, and says he " I wonder 
 what ails Miss Grimes. I thought for the life O T me 
 she was a gwine to snap my ears, as she used to when 
 I was young." I was vexed at Jeff, and took him to 
 task as soon as I got a chance; but he declared
 
 THE DONATION PARTY. 261 
 
 't wa'n't " old feller" he said, but sometliin' else how- 
 ever, it sounded jest like it, any way. 
 
 J ust then the door was thrown open, and we was 
 invited cut to supper. So we went squeezin' and 
 croivdin' into the settin'-room. Some o' the folks 
 pushed and jammed as if they were afeared they 
 shouldent git the best chance. Glory Am. Billins sot 
 at one end o' the table a pourin' coffee, and Jo Grip- 
 son's wife at the 't other end a pourin' tea ; and I tell 
 ye, 't was as much as ever they could dew to pour it 
 fast enough. Jeff, he flew round and helped the 
 ladies. For my part, I dident feel like eatin' much 
 I was jammed up agin the wall and couldent stir hand 
 nor foot. So I told Jeff to fetch me a cup o' tea and 
 nut-cake, and he did ; and I took 'em and managed to 
 eat the nut-cake, but somebody hit my elbow and 
 made me spili the heft o' the tea ; so I stood and held 
 my empty cup, and looked on to seo the performance. 
 I say for 't if 't wa'n't worth seein', I 'm mistaken. 
 Why, if I was a starvin' to death, I shouldent be 
 willin' to act as some o' them folks did. They pushed, 
 and elbowed, and pulled, and hauled, and grabbed 
 like crazy critters. 'T was amusin' to see 'em put 
 down the vittals I 'd a gin a sixpence, Nancy to had 
 you there ; 't would a ben fun for you to look on and 
 see the dewins. You 'd a thought the biggest part o' 
 the company hadent had nothin' to eat since the last
 
 262 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 donation party, and dident expect to have notLin 
 more till the next one. 
 
 The wimmin, as a general thing, took tea, and eat 
 the cake and pies, and so forth. And the men, they 
 let into the coffee, and biscuit, and cheese, and cold 
 meat, and such like. I actilly see Deacon Skinner 
 drink six cups o' soffee. and eat in proportion. And 
 Dr. Lippincott, my grief! 'twas perfectly astonishur 
 to me that one mortal body could hold as much as 
 that man put in no wonder he 's so fat they say he 
 gits the heft of his livin' away from home contrives 
 to git to one patient's house jest as dinner 's ready, 
 and to another's jest at tea time, and so eats with 'em. 
 And I wish you 'd a seen the Widder Grimes. Gram- 
 many ! how the critter did stuff! I took partickler 
 notice of her, and I see she had an awful great work- 
 bag on her arm, and every little while she 'd contrive 
 to tuck a piece into 't when she thought nobody wa'n't 
 a lookin'. As soon as I got a chance, I hunched Jeff, 
 and says I "For pitty 's sake, Jeff, do obsarve the 
 Widder Grimes." So Jeff, he watched her a spell. 
 " By George !" says he, " if that ain't rich 1" I tell 
 ye, 't was fun for Jeff. Bimeby after she 'd got her 
 bag purty well filled, says Jeff to me, says he "Now, 
 mother, may I stir her up a little ?" " I don't care," 
 says I. So he reached forrard and hollered across the 
 table tew her, loud enough for every body to hear 
 "Miss Grimes, may I come to your party?" "My
 
 THE DONATION PARTY. 263 
 
 party ?" sayfc she; "what do you mean?" f{ Why," 
 says JefP says he, " I reckoned from the size o' youi 
 bag, and the quantity o' provissicns you was a layrn' 
 in, that you was a calculatin' to make a party, and I 
 thought I ; d like to come." Every body looked at 
 Miss Grimes ; and, I tell" ye, she looked as if she 'd 
 like to crawl into some knot-hole and I don't know 
 but what she did, for she made her disappearance 
 amazin 1 soon after. And, then, them seminary gals 
 gracious ! how they did eat ) I s'pose they was half- 
 starved at Miss Pincuem's. Afore long the table was 
 purty well cleared, and Miss Scrantum had to go to 
 the buttry and bring on all 't was left. I guess e\ ery 
 thing in the house that could be eat, without stoppin' 
 to cook, it, was made way with that night. When 
 the seminary gals had eat all they wanted, they 
 amused themselves a throwin' hunks o' cheese and 
 buttered, biscuit at the young men. After most o' the 
 other eatables had been disposed of, Dave Runyon, 
 great gump ! went into the buttry and brought out 
 the box o' raisins that was to go toward Cappen Smal- 
 ley's pew-rent, and handed 'em round. Every body 
 grabbed, especially the seminary gals, and children, 
 till ther wa'n't one left in the box. When supper was 
 about finished, Jane Elizy Fustick (she 's always a 
 tryin' to dew something cunnin'), she went into the 
 Bto-re-room and got a chain o' sassages, that old Miss 
 Crocker brought, and come along slily and throw 'd
 
 234 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS, 
 
 it round Liph Peabody' s shoulders. Liph, bfj wae a 
 standin' by the tea boart' a drinkin' a cup o' coffee. 
 When he felt the sassages come floppin' round his 
 Q'.?/k, he was skairt, and whisked round suddenly and 
 hij the tea-board, and knocked it off onto the floor, 
 and smash went every thing on it ! What made it 
 mere aggravatin' was, ther was a dozen chany cupa 
 and sarcers on it that Miss Scrantum had fetcht out 
 after the folks come out to supper. They was some 
 that she sot a great deal by ; her mother giv 'em te-w 
 her, and her mother was dead. She dident bring 'em 
 on at first, for fear they 'd git broke. She sot on all 
 her common crockery, and borrerd a good deal at 
 Smalley's store, ealculatia' if any on 't was broke to 
 pay for 't. But when she see so many folks come 
 crowdin' jut, she was afeard ther wouldent be cups 
 enough, so she fetcht out her mother's chany cups and 
 sot 'em on the tea-board. But Glory Ann got along 
 without usin' 'em, and there they sot, and when the 
 tea-board fell, they fell tew, and every on 3 m 'em 
 was broke or cracked. Gracious ! how Miss Scrantrm 
 looked when she see her precious chany all to pieces. 
 She dident say a word, but her lips quivered, and she 
 trembled all over. But she seemed to overcome it in 
 a minnit, and went away and brought a basket and 
 begun to pick up the pieces, and Jeff and I took hold 
 and helped her. A good many o' the company had 
 gone back into the parlor ; but ther was enough left
 
 THE DONATION PARTY. 265 
 
 to track the sassage round, and, my goodness! what 
 work they made with 'em ! While we was a pickin' 
 up the crockery, all of a sudden ther was a terrible hul- 
 lerballoo in the parlor Jeff and me rushed in to see 
 what was the matter, and gracious granfather ! what 
 do you s ; pose it was ? Why one o' them pesky sem- 
 inary gals had throw'd a hunk o' cheese and hit Miss 
 Scrantum's parlor lamp that was a settin' on the table, 
 and knocked it over and broke it all to flinders. But 
 that wa'n't the wost on 't where it tumbled over it 
 fell right onto that plum-colored sattin bunnit, and the 
 ile run all over it in a minnit. Afore any body could 
 ketch the bunnit, one side on 't, ribbon and all, was 
 completely ruined. Such a sight as 't was, you never 
 sot your tew lookin' eyes on ! All the ile that dident 
 go onto the bunnit was soaked up in the paper that 
 Jeff took, that was a lyin' right aside on 't, and the 
 biggest part o' that was spiled tew. My grief! how I 
 did feel when I see that beautiful bunnit in such a 
 condition ! And poor Miss Scrantum turned pale as 
 death, and Susan cried like every thing. I axed Sam 
 Lippincott (the doctor's red-headed boy) who 'twas 
 that throwed the cheese he pinted out the gal, and I 
 goes up to her, and, says I " You good-for-nothin' 
 little huzzy hain't you no better manner i than to be a 
 throwin' cheese at other folkses lamps in that way ?" 
 She was a real sassy little thing, and dident care a 
 straw for what she'd done. She looked up and 
 12
 
 266 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS, 
 
 grinned as imperdent as could be, and says she- " Ex 
 cuse me, marm I had n't the most remote idee o' 
 hittin' the lamp. I meant to aim at Sam Lippincott's 
 head, and mistook the lamp for it. I 'm sure you 
 can't blame me for makin sich a natral mistake." Did 
 you ever ! I was a good mind to hit her a cuff aside 
 o' the head, but I dident. I told Miss Pinchem on 't, 
 though, the next day and she punished the huzzy 
 by keepin' her on bread nnd water a week. Jeff said 
 't was a very equinomical kind o' punishment. Well, 
 the party broke up purty soon after this scrape, and 
 Jeff and me went hum. Jeff went off to bed. Yer 
 uncle was out ; dear me I how I did dread meetiu' 
 him! Afore long he come in. "Well," says he, 
 " how did the party go off?" " 0, well enough," says 
 I; "but I'm tired and sleepy, and we won't talk 
 about it to-night." The fact is, I felt tew mean to tell 
 him the truth but in the mornin', when Jeff come 
 down, he let it all out. My grief! how yer uncle did 
 crow over me. "Didn't I tell ye so?" says he; 
 "don't ye wish you hadn't a went?" "Yes," says I, 
 " if it 's any satisfaction tew ye to know it I dew 
 wish so." " I know'd ye would," says he. I verily 
 believe he was glad the bunnit got spiled. 
 
 The next rnornin', as soon as I got my chores done 
 up, I went over to Mr. Scrantum's to see how they 
 come on, and help 'emregilate a little. Murder-alive I 
 such a sight as that house was, from one end to t' other,
 
 THE DONATION PABTT. 267 
 
 I never sot my tew lookin' eyes on! The carpets 
 wag all greased up with butter, and cheese, and sassa- 
 gea, A nJ then the lamp ile had done more mischief 
 than we know'd on the night afore. It had run off 
 the table and made a cruel great spot on the best car- 
 pet ; and I found Miss S^rantum a tryin' tc wash it 
 crit I sot tew and helped her but 't want no use- 1 
 't wculdent cQme out. Susan, she was a settin' on a 
 Lttle stool a scoirin' teaspoons, and cryin' as if her 
 heart would break. "What's the matter, dear?" 
 bays I but the poor child couldent answer me. So 
 her iiicther said she was a cryin' about the bunnit 
 hein' : piled. "No wonder." says I, "it's enough to 
 makf any body cry. I s : pose you can't dew nothin' 
 with the bunnit, can you?" "0, yes," says Miss 
 Scrantum, says she ; " I 've ben lookin' at it this morn- 
 in', and I think I can get enough out of it to make a 
 bag of. It '11 make a very nice bag and I shall keep 
 it as long as I live, for your sake, Miss Maguire." I 
 looked at the woman with surprise. There she sot 
 or the floor, a rubbin' avay at that grease spot, and a 
 ta-Kin' as calmly about thji ?ix dollar bunnit, as if 
 it hadent a cost more 'n SV.T, e-ents. I' was kind o' 
 vext.d a her for not makin' mort, fuss about it. I ac 
 tilly begun to think she hadent no fcelin', and dident 
 care for nothing. " And then," say 8 I " to think o' 
 th?i r breakin' your beautiful chany 'twas shameful 
 -a present from her mother tew; and you sot so
 
 268 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 much by it; ancLIVe heerd ye say 'twas the last 
 thing yer mother ever giv ye." I was a runnm' on in 
 that way when I thought I heerd Miss Scrant irn sob 
 I looked up and she was a cryin' dretfully. She 
 couldent hold in no longer when T spoke o' the chany. 
 I was sorry I said a word about it ; but it convinced 
 me that Miss Scrantum had feelins, deep feelins ; but 
 she ? d larn't to control 'em, poor woman 1 Well, I 
 stayed a spell and helped 'em clean up, and then I 
 went hum. Susan went to the door with me. When 
 we got outside, I axed her whether ther was many 
 provisions brought in the night afore. She told me 
 co come to the store-room and look. So I went into 't 
 and took a view, and there was tew or three punkins, 
 a couple o' spare ribs (spare enough, tew, I tell ye), 
 three or four cabbages, a chicken, what was left o ; 
 Deacon Peabody's cheese, and a codfish. ''Is that 
 all?" says I. "Yes," says Susan, "and half o' the 
 cheese, and one o' the spare ribs and the chicken are 
 to go for pew-rent I heerd pa tell ma s<^ ; but you 
 mustent let 'em know I told you about it for they 'd 
 think it wrong for me to speak of it ; you won't to'l 
 em, will you, Miss Maguire ? " "No, dariinV says I, 
 " I won't let it out." So I w ent hum and as I ~v^i\ t 
 along considerin' the matter, I come to a unammiut 
 conclusion in my own mind, that donation parties UMU 
 a humbug 
 Well, the uext Sunday Parson Scrantum requested
 
 THE DONATION PARTY. 269 
 
 the male members of his congregation to meet him 
 the next evenin' at the meetin'-house. Yer uncle 
 went to the meetin'. I was in a wonderful fidgit to 
 know what was the object on 't and quite impatient 
 for husband to come hum. When he come I obsarved 
 he was oncommonly tickled about something. " What 
 is the matter? dew tell, for pity's sake," says L 
 " Why, the minister's axed a dismission," says he. 
 "You don't!" says I. "Jest so," says he; and then 
 he haw-haw'd out a laffin. " What ails ye, man alive ?" 
 says I ; " I don't see what ther is to laff at in that ; for 
 my part, I look upon 't as a great misfortin to Scrabble 
 Hill, to lose such a minister as Parson Scrantum. I 'm 
 astonished to see you laff." " Well, you won't be," 
 says he, " when I tell ye about the meetin'." So he 
 went on and gin me the hull description. He said 
 that when Mr. Scrantum told 'em he wanted a dismis- 
 sion, they was wonderful surprised Deacon Skinner 
 he riz and axed the reason. So Mr. Scrantum stated 
 that he found it onpossible to support his family on 
 his salary. Deacon Skinner said that was curus he 
 thought four hundred dollars was purty well up. Dea- 
 oon Peabody said he thought so tew, especially with a 
 donation party besides. Deacon Fustick, he put in, and 
 said 't was ruther a queer time for a minister to com- 
 plain of his congregation, jest after they 'd gin him a 
 bee and he axed Dr. Lippincott what was his opinion. 
 fNow Dr Lippincott never had an opinion in all Ids
 
 270 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 life, on any subject if lie had, he never expressed it 
 for fear of injurin' his practice; 't ain't even known 
 what his politics is he always contrives to be away 
 on election days.) So he hemmed and hawed, and 
 said that really he had n't made up his mind he hoped 
 Mr. Scrantum 'predated his donation party he hoped 
 the congregation 'preciated Mr. Scrantum ; he wished 
 he wished things was n't sittiwated jest as they was 
 Bittiwated ; and that was all they got out of him. Old 
 Parker observed that minister's families, somehow, 
 took more to support 'em than any body else. Mr. 
 Scrantum said that his family was as equinomical as 
 they could be, but he had a good many children, and 
 't was purty difficult to dew as he 'd ought tew by 'em 
 on four hundred dollars a year ; axed 'en* whether 
 they thought ary one o' them could dew it. Cappen 
 Smalley, rich old curmudgin, stuck up his head and 
 said he guessed he jould dew it any reasonable man 
 could dew it especially with the help of a donation 
 party every year ; but he hoped Mr. Scrantum's re- 
 quest would be granted unanimously for his part, he'd 
 long ben of opinion they 'd ought to have a cheaper 
 minister, and one that had n't such a snarl o' young 
 ones. I don't s'pose Parson Scrantum would a said 
 any thing severe if it hadent a ben for Cappen Smal- 
 ley 's speech. He seemed quite stirred up by it. He 
 riz up considerable frustrated, and says he " I thank 
 rod, that what ever else I lack, He has ben pleased to
 
 THE DONATION PARTY. 271 
 
 give me plenty o' the poor ms.n's blessins yea, a 
 quiver full of them. And it : s for their sakes, iiot 
 my own, that I some he.e to-night. If I was alone in 
 the world, I could and would dew on a' most nothing 
 though Scripter says the laborer is worthy of his 
 hire. Brethren, since I come among you, I re done 
 my best to be a faithful pastor if I Ve failed I hope 
 to be forgiven. At first I had an idee that I should 
 be able to rub along, on my small salary ; and 7 don't 
 know, but, I might a done it, if it had n't a ben for 
 one thing" Here he paused. " What was that?" says 
 Deacon Peabocty. Mr. Scrantum continue "I've 
 ben here tew years, and you Ve had the kindness to 
 give me tev donation parties. I Ve stood it so fur, 
 but I can't stand it no longer ; brethren, I feel con- 
 vinced that one more donation party would completely 
 break me down. I will now retire and leave the met- 
 in' to decide as they see fit." Yer uncle said that for 
 about five minutes after he went out universal silence 
 prevailed. The first to speak was Deacon Skinner. 
 " Strange i r says he. " Gurus !" says Deacon Pe^body. 
 ** Jfeemarkable !" says Deacon Fustick. " Onaccount- 
 able !" says Cappen Smalley. " Singular circum- 
 stance !" says Dr Lippincott. Then yer uncle got up, 
 and, says he " Gentlemen, I don't see as any thing 'a 
 to be gained by settin' here and wonderin' all night. 
 For my part, I think all Parson Scrantum T s said 
 is true his request is perfectly reasonable and 1
 
 272 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 move it be put to vote." So 't was put to vote and 
 granted. 
 
 A. few days afterward the minister's folks packed 
 up and started off for Miss Scrantum's father's, to stay 
 till they could git another place. Yer uncle gin 'em 
 ten dollars when they went. He 'd a ben glad to give 
 fifty if he 'd a ben able. They was very thaukful 
 for 't, and the parson gin us his partin' biessm', and I'd 
 rather have that than all Cappen Smalley's money. 
 We all felt bad enough when we said good-by. Miss 
 Scrantum cried hard she dident try to conceal her 
 feelins then. Susan cried tew, and so did I and we 
 had a gineral time kissin' all round ; as true as I live, 
 Jeff, he kissed Susan tew but don't you teaze him 
 about it ; I was glad to see him dew it, though Susan 
 did blush awfully. They made us promise to come 
 and see 'em if ever they got another sittiwatiou. 
 We 've heerd lately that the parson had got a call to 
 Bangtown. I don't know nothin' about the village, 
 but I hope to gracious it 's a place where donation par- 
 tics is a thing unknown.
 
 XXIY. 
 
 iglapire tatu ai tty totrngtatefc 
 at SrraWrU fill 
 
 B 're a gwine to have a Sewin' Society at 
 Scrabble Hill, Miss Birsley, lawyer Birsley's 
 wife, was tlie first one that proposed it. She hain't 
 lived here but about a year, and she 's always ben 
 used to such societies where she come from, so she 
 felt as if she 'd like to have one here. Miss Birsley's 
 jest the woman to take hold o' any such thing. She's 
 a wonderful active little body, and a real good woman 
 tw. But, above all, she 's got a way o' sayin' jest 
 what she pleases to every body without even givin' any 
 oflfense. I Ve often wondered how it was that Mias 
 Birsley could speak her mind so freely and never 
 make no enemies by it. Why, if I should venter to 
 talk half so plain as she does I should be univarsally 
 hat<L But she comes right out with every thing 
 Bur thinks, <md yet she's more popilar than any 
 ctiier woman in the place. I guess It mus^ be because 
 folks has found out that she never says no wuss 
 
 'em to their Lacks than she saya to their faces 
 12*
 
 274 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 Well, she come into our house one day last week (she 
 and I 's very good friends) ; she come in and axed me 
 how I 'd like to jine a Sewin' Society for benevolent 
 purposes? I told her that not knowin' I couldent 
 say, for I hadent never belonged to none. So she 
 went into an explanation ; and after I understood the 
 natur of 'em I liked the idee, and said I 'd go in for 
 it. So she wanted me to go round with her and talk 
 it up to the folks ; and as I dident see no reason why 
 I shouldent, I put on my things and off we started. 
 The first place we went to was the minister's we 
 thought we 'd like to see what Miss Tuttle thought 
 about it afore we spoke to any body else. Well, Miss 
 Tuttle said she approved o' sowin' societies she 
 thought they was quite useful when they was properly 
 conducted. She dident know how the plan would 
 work here at any rate, it was well enough to trv, 
 and she 'd be glad fro help us all she was able to. 
 
 Next we went to Deacon Skinner's. The Widder 
 Grimes and Charity was there spendin' the day, so we 
 discussed the pint with 'em all. Miss Skinner and 
 the gals seemed quite took with the idee ; but Charity 
 and her mother rather hesitated at first, but after 
 they 'd axed forty questions, and we 'd told 'em all 
 about it, and they 'd satisfied themselves that they 
 could git along without givin' any thing more than 
 their time for an hour or tew a week, and git their 
 tea to boot, they agreed to jine. So Miss Birsley took
 
 CONTEMPLATED SEWING SOCIETY. 275 
 
 down their rames. We dident conclude what we 
 should dew. with the avails o' our labor thought 
 we 'd discuss that matter at the first meetin', and Miss 
 Birsley said she 'd have 'em meet to her house the 
 next week a Wensday. 
 
 When we come away from there, I says, says I, 
 !< We must n't forgit to go to see Liddy Ann Buill." 
 "O yes," says Miss Birsley, " the old maid that keeps 
 the milliner's shop "' Now I hadent the least idee 
 she 'd jine, but I know 'd she never ; d forgive us if AVC 
 dident call on her. She s a carus critter consates 
 that some folks feels above her, and it makes her won- 
 derful oncomfbrtable. She 's always on a look out for 
 slights and insults, and o' course she thinks she gits 
 plenty on 'em. She hates Deacon Fustick's wife like 
 pizen, on account o' some remarks she heerd o' Miss 
 Fustick's makin' about the ostridge feathers she wore 
 on her bunnit winter afore last. Miss Fustick said 
 afore old Miss Crocker, that she thought Liddy Ann 
 Buill was tew old to wear plumes. Old mother 
 Crocker went straight and told Liddy Ann on 't, and 
 she was hoppin' mad about i.,. She went round 
 talkin' about Miss Fustick at i. terrible rate. Of 
 course, Miss Fustick talked back agin, and it led to 
 an awful quarrel that ain't made up yet. That bunnit 
 was a curiosity though. Blue vslvet with a couple o' 
 great long yaller feathers tipped with pink on' t, and 
 red flower? in the inside. " I knew she won't jine/
 
 276 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 Fays I ; " but we may as well call, for slie '11 be awful 
 mad if we don't" "I guess I can manage l.er," saya 
 Miss Birsley. " I know she thinks I feel above her 
 bat I 'E see ef I can't convince her she mistaken." 
 So in we goes Liddy Ann was a sewin' a straw 
 buunit. She 's ginerally pretty perlite to me - I s'pose 
 she thinks I ain't proud but when she see me long 
 o' Miss Birsley, she thought I d naturally feel ruther 
 lifted up (bein' as Miss Birsley belongs to the upper 
 crust), and so ?he 'd treat me accordin'ly. She looked 
 np when we come in, and gin us a wonderful stiff 
 bow never laid by her sewin' dident even ax us to 
 sit down but there she sot, head up, nose in the air 
 (she 's got a sing'lar way o' turnin' up her nose at 
 folks), with a real I 'm-as-good-as-you-be look on her 
 face, and sewed away as if her life depended on 't. I 
 felt ruther aukerd, but Miss Birsley dident seem to. 
 She looked down into the show-box that sot on the 
 counter, and says she, u What a beautiful assortment 
 o' ribbins you Ve jest got ; em up, hain't you. Miss 
 Buttl r " I have," says Liddy Ann. " That green 
 and white plaid one 's a beauty," says Miss Birsley 
 "Won't you please to let me look at it?" "Can't 
 yon lift the kiver and take it out yerself ?" says Liddy 
 Ann, says she. " y^s, to be sure," says Miss 
 Birsley " I dident know as I might." So she took 
 it out and admired it wonderfully. " What a firm 
 atout ribbin it is tew ?" <jays she " Why, Mies Buill
 
 CONTEMPLATED SEWING SOCIETY. 277 
 
 you make better selections than the merchants dew." 
 " When /buy ribbins I buy ribbins, and not shavin's," 
 says Liddy Ann. "So I see," says Miss Birsley. 
 " I '11 take three yards on 't, if you please." I won- 
 Icred whether the critter 'd condescend to git up and 
 wait on her but she couldent help it so she riz with 
 a great deal o' dignity and measured it off. Miss 
 Birsley paid for 't; and then she happened to notice a 
 straw bunnit that laid on the shelf 't was one that 
 Liddy Ann had been dewin' over for Loanthy Petti- 
 bone "How white this bunnit is!" says she "I 
 don't see how you can make old straw look so nice." 
 " When I bleech hats I bleech 'em," says Liddy Ann ; 
 " I don't tan 'em." " So I perceive says Miss Birsley, 
 says she " but I declare I 'd a' most forgot my arrand 
 we 're a tryin' to raise a Sewin' Society, Miss Buill, 
 and we called to see whether you wouldent jine ?" 
 " Me !" says Liddy Ann, lookin' a leetle grain 
 pleasanter 'n she did afore " well, T don't know 
 I'm fearful you won't succeed in yer undertakinV 
 "Why not?" says I. "O," says she, "society here 
 ain't united as it ought to be indiwiddiwals don't 
 pull together at all." " Well, then," says Miss Birsley, 
 "mabby a Sewin' Society would be the means o 1 
 makin' 'em more united it promotes good feelin' to 
 meet together and work for some benevolent objict 
 makes folks take an interest in one another, you 
 know." " O, but 't wculdent be the case heio,' 1 ' says
 
 278 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 Liddy Ann; "there's tew much rastocratical feelin 
 some o' the members would carry their heads so 
 high, and think themselves so much better 'n some 
 others ; and them others would know they was jest as 
 good as the rest for my part, shouldent want to put 
 myself in the way o' bein' put down and stompt on 
 afterward by Deacon Fustick's wife and sach." Miss 
 Birsley, she raised her hands and eyes, and says she, 
 " The land alive ! well, I declare, if I ain't beat now 
 to hear you go on at such a rate, Miss Buill ! You 
 look well a talkin' about aristocracy when you 've got 
 more on 't than anybody else in the village. Why, I 
 always thought you was very proud and haughty ; 
 and I guess it 's the general impression that you feel 
 above your neighbors. I was half afeared to come in 
 here to-day, you 've always been so scornful toward 
 me ; but now I am here, I feel as if I must speak 
 plainly and I '11 tell you what, if you raly want 
 society to be united, you must be the first to set the 
 example. You must lay aside some o' yer pride, and 
 consent to associate with yer neighbors on equil tirms." 
 (Liddy Ann's nose come down a peg, and she raly 
 looked quite gratified. Thinks me, these ere folks 
 that's forever a blazin' away about aristocracy, are 
 always willin' enough to have the name o' bein' aristo- 
 crats themselves, and would be so actilly if they had 
 a chance). Miss Birsley went on " Now, if you 're 
 sincere in what you say, do, for pity's sake, show it
 
 C O N T E j'-t I' L A T E D SEWING SOCIETY. 279 
 
 by comin' ij the 3ewin' Society. We expect all the 
 other giris ; 11 come tlie Skinners have agreed to, and 
 we intend to call on the rest, and no doubt they '11 
 jine." Liddy Ann's nose come down another peg to 
 hear herself classed with the girls. She looked eny 
 mosL good-natered. " Well, I '11 see about it," says 
 she " b"it why don't you take some cheers and set 
 down'/" "Because you hain't invited us tew," says 
 Miss Birbley. "Bear me," says Liddy Ann, "how 
 forgitful I be!" "No matter," says Miss Birsley, 
 <l we can't sta^ to set down now but you wittjiue us, 
 won't you r ( we depend a great deal on your taste, and 
 the other girie- all seem to give up to you in that re- 
 b'pect." Liddy Ann fairly dropt her nose to a level 
 with other folkses, and actilly smiled, and says she 
 " Well, takin' all things into consideration, I ruther 
 guess 1 will j'ne." So Miss Birsley took down her 
 name, and told Lei not to fail to attend the first 
 caeetin' at her house next Wensday. She promised 
 she 'd come ; and then she went to the door with us 
 mighty gracious, and hoped we 'd call on her agin. 
 After we 'd got on a p^ece, says I, " Well I dew say 
 for 't, I never was more beat in all my born days than 
 I was to see you git round that cross-grained old 
 critter as you did I I dident know afore that you ever 
 used any soft scap, but I 'm sure you daubed it onto 
 Liddy Ann right and left; 'twas the best way after 
 *11 chough, for if you 'd a took her to task about bein
 
 280 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 jealous and suspicious, she 'd a bei teann' mad, and 
 like enough showed us the door, and thsn went round 
 and jawed about us afterward." " Jest so," says Miss 
 Birsley, " the only way to deal with such folks is to 
 try to make them satisfied with themselves ; make 'em 
 think you look upon 'em as persons o' socie conse- 
 quence, and they '11 dew any thing you want 'em tew ; 
 and then, tew, there 's a satisfaction in it, because it 
 makes 'em feel so much more comfortable and gooi- 
 natered." 
 
 The next place we went to was Dr. Lippincott's. 
 Miss Lippincott was pleased with the idee of a Sewin' 
 Society, and said she 'd jine. Anny Mariar sot there 
 a playin' on the pianner, and we axed her if she 
 wouldent take hold and help us ? " Dear me, no !" 
 says she ; "I can't bear to sew, and, besides, I don't 
 understand it. I never had to sew any." " How old 
 are you?" says Miss Birsley. " Eighteen," says Anny 
 Mariar. " The land alive I" says Miss Birsley, " eight- 
 een year old and don't know how to sew ! and you 
 can set there and tell on 't without blushin' 1 Why 
 what 's yer ma ben thinkin' about all this time to neg- 
 lect yer eddication so ? I declare, I must tell Dick o' 
 that ; I shan't allow him to git interested in a young 
 lady that don't know how to sew " (Dick was her 
 nephew ; he was a studyin' law with Mr. Birsley, and 
 was quite attentive to Anny Mariar.) "Well," she 
 went on, '' it 's high time you larnt, and if you '11 coins
 
 CONTEMPLATED SEWING SOCIETY. 281 
 
 fco the Sewin' Society, I'll engage to teach you." 
 Miss Birsley said all this in a pleasant, good-natered 
 way, but Miss Lippincott felt it, and so did Anny Ma- 
 riar. I guess she begun to suspect that, after all, 
 't wa'n't so wonderful lady-like net to know how to 
 eew. She promised she'd attend the meetin' next 
 week. " That 's good," says Miss Birsley ; " but don't 
 for pity's sake, wear all them petticoats, for I don't 
 think ther '11 be room for 'em if the meetin's large." 
 
 When we come from there, we started for Deacon 
 Fustick's and while we was a crossin' the road we ob- 
 served Cappen Smalley a standin' in his store door. 
 " There 's the cappen," says Miss Birsley, " now we '11 
 go in and make him give us something to begin with." 
 "Gracious sakes!" says I, "I hope you don't expect 
 to squeeze any thing out o' him ?" "To be sure I 
 dew," says she. " Well, you '11 find yerself mistaken," 
 says I ; " for he never gives nothing to no objict al- 
 ways takes it out in talkin'." "You see 'f I don't 
 mgke him hand over," says she. When the cappen 
 Eee us a comin' he went in so 's to be ready to wait on 
 us. " Cappen,' says Miss Birsley, " we hain't come 
 to trade to-day ; we 've come on bizness. We ladies 
 are thinkin' o' startin' a Sewin' Society for benevolent 
 objicts, and it 's quite important to git the opinion o' 
 the leadin 1 men o' the place afore we begin. What do 
 you think o' the plan, cappen?" "A capital plan, 
 says Le, (/ a most excellent idee. I 've long been of
 
 282 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS 
 
 opinion that somethin' o' the kind was needed here 
 it 's a great satisfaction to be laborin' for the good of 
 our felltr-critters. To what partickler purpouse doi 
 you intend to iyr-zte the avails o' yer labor ?" " Well," 
 says she, " we hain't decided yet ; we shall wait till 
 we git started, and then consider the matter ther 's 
 enough ways o' dewin' good with money, you know. " 
 " Exactly," says the cappen, says he, " and I would 
 suggest the idee o' your expendin' yer funds in the 
 purchase of articles o' clothin' foi the poor ; ther 's a 
 great number in destitute circumstences in this place, 
 and it strikes me it would be a great satisfaction to the 
 ladies to furnish 'em vith comfortable apparril." 
 " That is a good idee," says Miss Birsley " don't you 
 think so, Miss Maguire " " Yes," says I. " I 'm glad 
 ri strikes you favorably," says the cappen, says he ; 
 " and come to think, I have on hand a variety o' ma- 
 terials that would be suitable to make garments for the 
 poor ; and if you see fit to purchase, I '11 let you have 
 'em at first cost, seein' it 's for a benevolent objict. In 
 such cases it 's always a satisfaction to me to sell low/' 
 " You 're very kind," says Miss Birsley, " we '11 mention 
 it at the meetin' ; but we Ve got to have some funds to 
 begin with. You can give us something, I s'pose ?" 
 " Well, raly," says the cappen, says he, rubbin' his 
 hands together, " I 'm very sorry, very, indeed, that 
 it J a happened so. It 's very inconvenient jest now 
 in fact, its onpossible for me to give any thing at this
 
 CONTEMPLATED SEWING SOCIETY. 283 
 
 time. I Lave a large remittance to make very soon to 
 New York, and, of course I can't spare a penny. We 
 men o' bizness that have large outstandin' debts are 
 often more put to 't for ready money than a day -labor- 
 er it 's very vexatious, very, indeed." "Yes," says 
 Miss Birsley, " it must be so it must be very tryin' 
 to you to be scant o' money when you* have a call to 
 contribbit, it 's such a satisfaction to you to give " 
 (here she gin me a hunch) " but that don't make no . 
 difference to us, we 'd jest as live take something out 
 o' the store for instance, some o' this ere cotton cloth 
 (and she stept up to a pile o' shirtin' that laid on the 
 counter) " you 'd esteem it a privilege to give us a 
 piece o' this " " But but," says the cappen, " I 
 raly don't feel.'- " Now, cappen," says Miss Birsley, 
 " you needent apologize a word, this is very nice cloth 
 and it'll be jest as good to us as money it '11 make first 
 rate shirts, and we can always find ready market for 
 good shirts.'' " But," says he, " consider a minnit a 
 piece o' shirtin' is " " now, don't talk so, cappen," 
 say 8 she ; " a piece o' shirtin 's jest exactly as good as 
 any thing else", and we 'd jest as live have it as the 
 money ; for if we had the money we should Lave to 
 spend it to buy materials to begin on. We know 
 't wo old be more of a satisfaction to you to give us 
 five dollars if 't was convenient ; but seein' it ain't, 
 we 're perfectly willin' to take this so jest please to 
 dew it up ;" so she picked out one o' the best pieced
 
 284 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 and tumbled it down toward him. The cappen he 
 looked awful womblecropt I declare, I raly pitied the 
 poor man he hesitated a minnit, and - then, can you 
 believe it? he actilly took the cloth and done it up ! 
 but I tell ye, I never see such an oncomfortable look- 
 in' countenance as his 'n while he was a dewin' on 't. 
 " Now," says Miss Birsley, " I '11 trouble you to write 
 on 't ' Thirty-one yards shirtin' presented to the La- 
 dies' Sewin' Society by Captain Smalley,' " So he 
 took a pen and writ it, and I '11 be hanged it ne did- 
 ent look as if he was a signin' his own death warrant. 
 "Much obleeged to ye," says Miss Birsley, and she 
 took up the cloth and we come off. When we got to 
 the door, she turned round, and says she, " Mabby it 
 will be a satisfaction to ye, cappen, to buy some o' the 
 shirts after we git 'em made ?" The caDpen he gin a 
 ghastly grin, and a peculiar kind of a bow as murjb. as 
 to say "You see 'f you ketch me agin/' and 30 we 
 bid him good-afternoon, and left him to his medita- 
 tions. " Well," says I, " I '11 give it up now ! if I 
 hadeni a seen it with my own eyes, I never *d <i be- 
 lieved it, never ! How astonished every boav '11 be 
 when they hear on 't ?" " Yes," says Miss Birstey ; 
 " but we mustent let on how we got it out of him 
 J t ain't right to tell o' such things we must let folks 
 think he gin it of his own accord." " Jest so," says T ; 
 but, thinks me, its tew good to keep, and I must teJl 
 Mr. Godey on 't, though I won't mention it to any
 
 CONTEMPLATED SEWING SOCIETY. 286 
 
 else. Well, it was a pretty heavy load to carry, and 
 Miss Birsley proposed we should take it into her hus- 
 band's office and leave it. The office was nigh by, so 
 we goes in. Miss Birsley huv it down, and says she 
 to her nephew, " There, Dick, I wan't you to bring 
 that up when you come home to-night." Squire Birs- 
 ley looked at it and read the writin', and says he, 
 " You don't mean to say that Cappen Smalley gin you 
 this ?" " To be sure he did," says she ; " don't you 
 believe his own words ?" " Pretty cunnin' in you," 
 says the squire, "to git it in writin', for fear he 'd be 
 down on yer society with a bill." " law !" says she, 
 u jest as if I done it for that." Dick Wilson he look- 
 ed up kind o' knowin', and says he, " It takes you to 
 come it, Aunt Lucy." 
 
 Next we went to Deacon Fustick's. Miss Fustick 
 and Jane Elizy had gone to Deacon Peabody's to tea, 
 so we went round there, and had a chance to see 'em 
 all at once. Miss Peabody's entirely governed by 
 Miss Fustick in every thing, so she waited to see what 
 Miss Fustick would say afore she expressed her,opin- 
 ion about the Sewin' Society ; and Miss Fustick don't 
 want to go into any thing without she can be head 
 man, and as she was n't sure how she 'd stand in the 
 Sewin' Society, she hesitated a spell. At last she said 
 she had her doubts about it dident like to undertake 
 a thing till she was convinced 't would promote the 
 interests o' religion (Miss Fustick 's awful pious ac-
 
 286 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 cordin' to her idees o' piety.) Of course, Miss Pea- 
 body had her doubts tew, about jinin' the society, 
 Miss Birsley and me, we both said tew 'em that we 'd 
 no doubt but what the Sewin' Society would be the 
 means o' dewin' a great deal o' good if 't was properly 
 conducted. Well, Miss Fustick said she was onsartin' 
 about bein' able to attend her time was pretty much 
 took up she was Superintendent o' the Maternal So- 
 ciety, President o' the Daughters o' Temperance, and 
 Correspondin' Secretary to the Friends o' Humanity, 
 and she was afeard she couldent consistently do much 
 for the Sewin' Society ; but she 'd try to attend occa- 
 sionally at least she 'd make it a subject o' prayer, 
 and try to find out what was duty in the case. Of 
 course, Miss Peabody said she 'd try to attend tew 
 and then we axed ther daughters whether they 'd come ? 
 Sophrony Peabody inquired whether the gentlemen 
 was a gwine to attend ? "We said that hadent been 
 thought of yet. And Jane Eiizy Fustick said sne 
 hoped in all favor they wouldent if they did, she 
 wouldent any how she couldent bear to have the fel- 
 lers stickin' round. "Why can't you speak the 
 truth," says Miss Birsley, " and say you won't come 
 without they do ?" At last they both said they 'd jinc. 
 Next, we went into Jo Gipson's, and there we found 
 Tom Hodges' wife a visitin' with her young one. Of 
 all the children I ever see, that boy 's the disagreea- 
 blest- but his mother don't think so. She makes a
 
 CONTEMPLATED SEWING SOCIETY. 287 
 
 natrul fool of him always takes him every where 
 vrith her, and it takes every body in the Louse to at- 
 tend to him. He was a settin' on his mother's lap eat- 
 in' an awful great hunk o' cake, makiu' a dretful growl- 
 in' noise over it that eny most prevented our hearin 1 
 one another talk. After we 'd discussed the Sewin' 
 Society with the ladies, and they 'd both said they 'd 
 jine, Miss Birsley says to the young one, " Come here 
 and see me, bub." "Me won't!" says he, "He'd 
 rather stay by his mommy, hadent he, darlin' ?" says 
 Miss Hodge. " Stay there, then, if you want to, little 
 cross-patch," says Miss Birsley. I felt rather sorry to 
 hear her speak out so, so I says, " What 's yer name, 
 ducky?" " Nun o' oo bidness !" says he. "O now," 
 says his mother, " can't he be a little man and tell the 
 lady his name ?" " Me won't !" says he, and he hit 
 his mother a slap in the face. " Now that ain't prit- 
 ty," says she ; " mommy '11 cry," so she put her hands 
 up to her face and pretended to cry. After a spell, 
 says she, " Now tell the lady his name nice and pritty, 
 and then mommy '11 stoj cryin'." But instid o' tellin' 
 hi? name, he begun to bawl foi more cake. " Wait a 
 rainnit, Miss Gipson," says Miss Hodge, "I want the 
 ladies to hear him tell his name, he says it so sweet 
 and cunnin'. Now tell the lady his name, and then 
 he shall 1m e more cake." "Yando Puffle Hogs," 
 says the little torment. "That's a darlin'," says his 
 mothej "now, Miss Gipson may git him a great big
 
 288 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS 
 
 piece o' cake." " What did lie say his namo was ?*' 
 says Miss Birsley. " Orlando Percival Hodge," SETS 
 his mother. " The land alive I" says Miss Birsley, " I 
 declare I don't blame the young one for not wantin" 
 to tell his name." " What ! don't you like it ?" says 
 Miss Hodge. " No," says Miss Birsley ; " I don't ad- 
 mire double names any way, especially each awful 
 jaw-breakers as that." "Why how you talk," says 
 Miss Hodge, " for my part, I think boys names always 
 ought to be double. I told his pa t wanted to give 
 him a name that would sound -veil in Congress one o' 
 these days, and I think Orlando P. Hodge 7 -aril' '' 
 " The land alive!" soys Miss Birsiey, "I s'posp you 
 chink that Henry Clay d be a much greater man if 
 his name was Henry P. Clay. And George Washing- 
 ton, tew, no doubt he 'd made a great deal more 
 noise in the world if his name had a ben George P. 
 Washington. What a pity 't wa'n't-- -but you needeut 
 be calculatin' on seein' your boy a member c' Congress 
 his name '11 be the death of him afore he comes to 
 maturity. Did you evsr consider that 'twas 0. P. 
 H?" " Gracious!" says Miss Hodge, " it never struck 
 me afore." "Miss Birsley," says I, "it's time for us 
 to go." " So 't is," says she. " Well, ladies, we shall 
 expect to see you at the meetin' next Wensday , but, 
 Miss Hodge, don't you bring 0. P. H., for I shan't 
 have time to stuff him." 
 
 Well, from there, we went over to Professor Stub-
 
 CONTEMPLATED SEWING SOCIETY. 289 
 
 bleses to present the case to Miss Stubbles and .Teru- 
 shy. Miss Stubbles is quite a clever woman, and a 
 good member o' society as fur as she dares to be ; but 
 she 's dretfully under the Professor's thumb, and 'he 's 
 a wonderful curus man ; he 's got some o' the oddest 
 notions in his head that ever you heerd of thinks 
 that property ought to be equilly divided calls all 
 rich men oppressors, and all the laborin' class abused 
 and deprived o' their rights holds that men and wim- 
 min ought to be eddicated jest alike. He 's always a 
 whalin' away about the dignity o' labor has jest ben 
 deliverin' a course o' lecters on the subjict, and he calls 
 all men that don't take hold and dew kitchen work, 
 domestic tyrants ; but he has such a blind, twistical 
 way o' talkin', that a body can't tell what he meana 
 half the time husband says he don't know himself 
 what he 's a drivin' at. ^Vhen we got there, Miss 
 Stubbles was in the side yard a splittin' wood ; she 
 come round and went in with us. They hadent no 
 fire only in the kitchen, so she took us in there. The 
 professor was a churnin' I thought I should go off 
 when I see him. He 's a great, tall, lank, ongainly 
 man, and there he stood with a check apron on, a 
 churnin' away like fury he did look like old Time. 
 Their overgrown gawkey son, Nathan, was a settin' 
 the tea-table. There 's somethin' wonderful quizzical 
 about the boy's looks. His clus is a great deal tew 
 small for him, and he looks as if he was jest a gwine 
 13
 
 290 WIDOW BJEDOTT PATERS. 
 
 to bust out of 'em like rv tjhicken out o' the shell. He 
 looked wonderfal sober a settin' the table ; but they 
 say he 's up to all sorts o' tricks away from home. 
 We inquired for Jerushy, and they said she 'd gone 
 to milk. Well, we told our bizness, and axed Miss 
 Stubbles if she 'd jine the society ? She looked at the 
 Professor to see how he took it afore she answered us 
 so I says, says I, " What do you think o' the plan, 
 Professor Stubbles?" Tue Professor giv three or four 
 awful hams to clear out his throat, and then says he, 
 " Did I believe that an organization of this descrip- 
 tion would be a labor -promotin' association, I would 
 give it my heart- willing approval." "No doabt it 
 will be so," says Miss Birsley. " Ladies," says he, " it 
 is high time that the dignity of labor was appreciated 
 world- wide." (We see he was in for a speech, so we 
 let him go on.) " It 's high time that the purse-proud 
 and vice-bloated aristocracy o' the land vas compelled 
 to toil like the hard-handed sons and daughters of 
 honest poverty ; it 's high time that the artificial ar- 
 rangements of society was done away, and this sin- 
 distracted, folly-bewildered, hag-ridden world was 
 governed by such laws as the Great Heart of the uni- 
 verse originally intended. Ladies, the earth-mission 
 of mundane souls is twofold ; first, to discharge with 
 self -interest-sacrificing zeal our duty toward down-trod- 
 den humanity ; second, to perform with sou] -ear nest, 
 wife-assisting, daughter-helping, labor-]oving fidelity,
 
 h 
 
 Here 
 .nil spattered all roun
 
 CONTEMPLATED SEWING SOCIETY 291 
 
 such domestic services as shall be to be performed at 
 home ; and I pronounce that soul who refuses to ac 
 knowledge the dignity of household labor, a pride-be- 
 sotted, contempt-deserving, heaven-provoking churL' 
 Here the churn-dasher come down with such a ven 
 geance, that the cream spirted up and spattered al 
 round, and some on 't went onto Miss Birsley's shawl. 
 "The land alive!" says she, "that was dignified, any 
 how." Miss Stubbles jumped up to clean it off. " Set 
 Rtill, M".ss Stubbles," says Miss Birsley, "it's the Pro- 
 fessors bizness to repair the mischief. Come, Profes- 
 sor, git a wet cloth and wipe off my shawl afore the 
 grease soaks in." The Professor looked mad and 
 dident stir. " Well," says she, " accordin 7 to what 
 you jest advanced, you must own yerself to be a pride- 
 besotted wretch. Now, Professor, I should like to 
 know if it would n't be ruther more dignified for you 
 to go out and split wood, than 't is to make yer wife 
 do it while you stay in the kitchen and churn? 
 "V7ould n't it be quite as dignified to send that great, 
 able-bodied boy to the pastur' to milk, as 't is to make 
 Jerushy go ? It kind o' seems to me as if labor wa'n't 
 dignified only when it 's done by the right persons, 
 and in the right time and place. It seems to me as 
 if it 's the best way for every body to dew ther duty 
 in the station where Providence has placed 'em 
 mabby it 's an artificial arrangement, but it strikes me 
 os ruther a good one." The Professor looked quite
 
 292 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 beat, and begun to ham and clear his throat, and 1 aeo 
 he was a preparin' to let off another speech, so I says 
 to Miss Birslej, " Come, it 's time we was a gwine." 
 So we riz to come away, and Miss Birsley says she, 
 " Well, Professor Stubbles, I s'poseyou'll be offended 
 if I don't invite you and Nathan to come to the Sewin' 
 Society and help us, but as my idees respectin' the 
 dignity o' labor differ from yourn, I think I 'd a leetie 
 ruther have Miss Stubbles and Jerushy come." The 
 Professor looked real wrathy, but dident say nothing, 
 and we left him a churnin' away for dear life. 
 
 Well, the next day we went to the Parkers, and the 
 Billinses, and the Stillman's, and the Pettibone's, and 
 all round ; but 't would take tew long to go ovei with 
 the hull genealogy of all the calls we made. Enough 
 to say, we found most every body agreeable to the 
 plan ; and when they wa'n't in favor on 't, Miss Birs- 
 ley argyd 'em into 't so she sent a notice to Parson 
 Tuttle, and yesterday he giv it out in meetin', request- 
 in' all the ladies o' the congregation to meet next 
 Wensday afternoon at the house of Squire Birsley, 
 for the purpose of organmn' a Sewin' Society for be- 
 nevolent objicts.
 
 XXV. 
 
 / 
 
 iw tmtttes (pr gammt of tjft 
 
 T WISH to gracious you could attend one of om 
 Sewin' Society meetin's. You never see nothiir 
 to beat 'em, I '11 be bound for 't. We Ve had tew now. 
 At the first one, at Squire Birsley's, ther was twenty- 
 five present. Miss Birsley bad got some shirts cut 
 out o' Cappen Smalley's cloth, and as fast as they 
 come in she sot 'em to work at least she gin 'ein 
 some work, but ther was so much talkin' to dew ther 
 was precious little sewin' done. Ther tongues went a 
 good deal faster 'n ther fingers did, and the worst on 't 
 was, they was all a runnin' at once. Ther was an 
 everlastin' sight o' talkin', but it did seem as if they 
 wouldent never come to no decision in creation. 
 'T wa'n't expected we should dew much at the first 
 meetin' more 'n to elect the managers, and make up 
 our minds how often we should meet and I begun 
 to think we shouldent dew even that much, there was 
 such o' sight o' discussin' and disputin' about every 
 thing. Some was for meetin' once a week, and some
 
 294 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 thought 't was altogether too often. Some was foi 
 stayin' to tea, and some was opposed to 't. Some 
 thought 't woull be a good plan to stay and work 
 evenin's, and some was of opinion 't would n't pay, 
 bein' as we 'd have to burn so many candles and lamps 
 Ther wa'n't nothing said about what object we 'd work 
 for at the first meetin' thought we 'd leave that till 
 next time. 
 
 Well, we talked and talked and talked, and the up- 
 phot on 't was, Miss Birsley was appinted president 
 Miss Ben Stillman, Miss Dr. Lippincott and Miss Dea- 
 con Fustick, managers Polly Mariar Stillman secreta- 
 ry, and Liddy Ann Buill, treasurer. Moreover, we 
 agreed to meet once a fortnight, at tew o'clock in the 
 afternoon, stay to tea and work till dark. When we 'd 
 got through with our bisness, we had tea quite a 
 plain tea. Miss Birsley don't approve o' makin' 
 .imch fuss for Sewin' Society because if ye dew, 
 ther '11 be some that '11 feel as if they couldent afford 
 to have it to their houses. She dident give us but 
 one kind o' cake, but 't was light and good, and so 
 was the bread ; and we had sliced meat and cheese. 
 Miss Birsley dident say nothing about it but she hoped 
 the rest would foller her example. I made up my 
 mini 1 would any how, whether the rest did or not 
 
 Well the ladies all eat as if they liked it, and they 
 praised up every thing at a wonderful rate. They 
 laid tooth to such bread in all their lives ; the
 
 THE SEWING SOCIETY. 295 
 
 batter was superfine ; the cold meat was delicious, and 
 for the cake it was a mystery to them how Miss Birs- 
 ley managed to always to have such first-rate caka 
 Miss Deacon Peabody declared she 'd eat such a hearty 
 supper she was afeard she should be sick. After tea, 
 Miss Jo Gipson invited us to meet at their house next 
 time, and then we went hum. While we was in the 
 bed-room a puttin' on our things, I heerd Miss Pea- 
 body whisper to Miss Stillman and say, " Did you ever 
 see any thing that beat that tea in all your born days ? 
 No presarves at all !" "I never did," says Miss Still- 
 man. " If I cant't give 'em a better tea when they 
 meet to our house, I '11 give up." 
 
 Well, at the next meetin' ther was about the same 
 number present, and we talked up what we 'd dew 
 with the money. The difficulty was, the members 
 couldent agree upon nothin' some wanted to work 
 for this objict, and some wanted to work for that. 
 Miss Skinner and some o' the rest thought we 'd ought 
 to sew for the missionaries, but most on 'em opposed 
 it, 'cause they wanted to see what become o' the money. 
 Miss Stubbles though 't would be a good plan to es- 
 tablish a school for the colored sect I s'pose the Pro- 
 fessor put her up to 't but nobody else dident seem 
 to be in favor on 't ; and Sister Bedott (she attended), 
 she said she never 'd agree to that, 't would be money 
 throw'd away, for niggers would be niggers, dew what 
 ye would to elevate 'em. Miss Fustick (she come in
 
 296 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 and sot a spell with her things on said she couldent 
 . stay long, jest dropped in on her way to the Matarnal 
 Society meetm'), she thought we couldent dew better'n 
 to give the avails of our labor to the " Sons o' Tem- 
 perance.''* " Sons o' yer granny," says Liddy Ann 
 Buill, says she (you know she and Miss Fustick 's a 
 quarrelin'.) When she spoke up so, Miss Fustick 
 looked awful mad, and got up to go : when she reach- 
 ed che door, she turned round and says she, " Perhaps 
 Miss Buill would ruther work for the Old Maids' 
 Consolation Society' that they talk o' formin'. Good 
 afternoon, ladies !" and off she cut afore Liddy Ann 
 had time to answer. The gals all tittered, and Liddy 
 Ann lookt wonderful womblescropt. I don't know 
 but she 'd a cleared out if Miss Birsley hadent a 
 smoothed it over in her cunnin' way , she laughed, 
 and says she, " What, Miss Buill, you gals don't mean 
 to help the old maids, I hope ? I say let 'em take 
 care o' themselves." Liddy Ann grinned and looked 
 quite satisfied. 
 
 Well, they talked and talked and talked, jest as 
 they did at the first meetin', to no more puruosr neither 
 only to git more ryled up than they did then. It 
 seemed as *if every one had got a partickler pint to 
 carry and was detarmined the rest should yield to 't 
 I tried a number o' times to make a proposition I 'd 
 thought on, but ther was so many that talked louder 
 wid faster 'n what I could, that I couldent for the life
 
 THE SEWING SOCIETY. 297 
 
 o me git nobody to listen tew me. At last I went to 
 Miss Birsley and told hei my idee, and axed her what 
 she thought on 't She said she liked the notion 
 " Well, then, you propose it," says I, " for I can't git 
 'em to listen to me if I try till Doomsday." So she 
 spoke out, and says she, " Ladies !" but ther was such 
 a racket nobody dident hear her. So she tried agin : 
 " Ladies, I say !" but still they dident pay no attention 
 Then she took the tongs and knockt on the stove as 
 loud as ever she could. " Order !" says she. They 
 stoppt talkin' then, and lookt round to see what she 
 wanted. " Ladies," says she, " Miss Magwire has pro- 
 posed an object to work for that strikes me as an ex- 
 cellent one. She thinks we 'd better raise enough to 
 repair the meetin'-house, and for my part, I think *-e 
 couldent dew better : the meetin'-house is in a miseia- 
 ble condition ; the plasterin's a comin' off in ever so 
 many places, and the pulpit 's a forlorn old thing, 
 away up in the air ; it 's enough to break a body's neck 
 to look at the minister, and shakes like an old egg 
 shell. Mr. Tuttle says he 's a' most afeard to go into 
 it. Don't you think -'t would be a good plan to tear 
 it down and build another? Now don't all speak at 
 once. We never shall dew nothing in creation if we 
 don't have some sort o' order. Miss Skinner, what 'j? 
 your opinion ?" 
 
 Well, Miss Skinner NQ& delighted with the idee, 
 vid so was the Grimeses, and the Fosters, and the 
 13*
 
 298 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 Peabodys. Miss Peabody said the Baptists and the 
 Episcopals was all a pintin' at us for lettin' our house 
 o' worship be in such a condition. Mis? John Brew- 
 ster said she 'd long thought our meetin'-house was a 
 disgrace to the village ; she 'd no doubt but what 
 't would be an advantage to the cause o' religion to 
 repair it, for the Widder Pettibone told her how 't 
 if we'd had a decent meetin'-house she wouldent a 
 went off and jined the Episcopals, but she got so 
 disgusted with the old nasty house and so tired a 
 stretchin' her neck to see the minister, that she could- 
 ent stan' it no longer. 
 
 " The dear me !" says Charity Grimes, " I want to 
 know if she gives that as a reason ! Why, every body 
 kncws she went there 'cause Curnel Dykeman's an 
 Episcopal." 
 
 "Yes," says Polly Mariar Stillman, "I gues it's 
 ginerally known what took her there." 
 
 " She 's a wonderful oneasy critter," says Miss Pea- 
 body ; '* she 's ben a Baptist and a Presbyterian, and 
 now she 's an Episcopal. I wonder what she '11 be 
 next." 
 
 " Well, it 's cause she 's a widder," says Glory Ann 
 ^illins. " I never kncw'd a widder yet but what was 
 as oneasy as a fish out o' water. I raly believe it 's 
 nat'ral tew 'em." 
 
 t( Jest so," says liddy Ann Buill " widders will be 
 widders."
 
 THE SEWING SOCIETY. 299 
 
 " Not if they can help it," says I. 1 was sorry as 
 soon as I said it^ Sister Bedott lookt so mad. I tell 
 ye she gin me an awful blowin-up when we got hum 
 said every body in the room thought I meant her, 
 and she dident mean to go to the meetin' no more. I 
 don't know whether she will or not. 
 
 Well, they 'd got hold o' the Widder Pettibone, and 
 they dident let her drop right off: if her ears dident 
 burn that afternoon, I 'm mistaken. Some on 'em got 
 so engaged talkin' about her they stopt sewin' intirely. 
 Bymeby Miss Birsley got out o' patience, and knockt 
 on the stove. "Order!" says she. When they got 
 still, says she " When the ladies have got the Wid- 
 der Pettibone sufficiently done up, I 'd like to have 
 'em take hold and dew up ther shirts." "Law me," 
 says old Aunt Betsy Crocker, " they ain't a dewin' her 
 up ; they 're a pickin' on her tew pieces." Aunt 
 Betsy ain't no great talker, but when she does speak 
 she always says somethin' to the pint. She 's a real 
 clever old soul, good to every body, dumb critters and 
 all. She was disappinted when she was young, so she 
 hain't nevei got married ; lives all alone ; nobody in 
 the house but her and Gruff, hei old dog. She thinks 
 the world o' GruiE I went in to see her one evenirr 
 last winter. Gruff was asleep on a rug behind the 
 stove, and ther was 'a great pan o' vittals settin' by 
 him. I thought 't was somethin' she 'd sot there tc 
 warm, so I says, says T, " Ain't yon afeared Gruff '11
 
 300 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 be pokin' his nose into yer meat ?" " Law me," says 
 she, " that 's there a purpose for him. I always set 
 eomethin' by him when he goes to bed, so he '11 find 
 it handy if he nappens to wake up hungry in the 
 night." "My sakes," says I, "I wouldent take all 
 that pains for,a dog." "Law me 1" says she, "Gruff 
 don't know he 's a dog he thinks he 's folks" 
 
 " Well, ladies," says Miss Birsley, " if it 's a possi- 
 ble thing, I 'd like to have it decided whether we shall 
 repair the meetin'-house or not. I think we 'd better 
 put it to vote. Them that 's in favor on 't will please 
 to signify it by holdin' up their right hand." Well, 
 all o' the members held up their right hand exceptin' 
 Miss Ben Stillman and Polly Mariar. " Miss Still- 
 man," says Miss Birsley, " I see that you and Polly 
 Mariar don't hold up yer hands. Don't you approve 
 of appropriatin' the money for that purpose ?" 
 
 "Well, I can't say as I disapprove on 't," says Miss 
 Stillman, " but I should think we 'd better not be in 
 a hurry about makin' up our minds what we '11 dew 
 with the money." 
 
 "What's the -ise o' -vaitin'?" says Miss Birsley. 
 " For my part, I think we should go ahead with more 
 sperrit if we had an object fixed on to work for." " I 
 think so tew," says Miss Stillman; "bat, you know, 
 we 'd ought to be unanimous,'' " Then why don't you 
 agree with us ?" says Mis?. Birsley ; ' that 's the way 
 to be unanimous."
 
 THE SEWIPG SOCIETY. 301 
 
 <( I mean," sajs Miss Stillman, says she, " tliat we M 
 ought to wait till ther 's a full meetin' afore we 
 vote." 
 
 "The land alive!" says Miss Birsley, ''I don't 
 know what you call a fall meetin' if this ain't 
 one." 
 
 "The fact is," says Polly Mariar, stretchin' her 
 great mouth from ear to ear and displayin' all her big 
 teeth (Jeff says her mouth looks like an open sepul- 
 cher full o' dead men's bone) " the fact is," says she, 
 " mar and me 's of opinion that we hadent ought to 
 vote till Miss Sam? r on Savage is consulted." 
 
 " Miss Samson Savage ain't a member o' the Society," 
 says Miss Birsley, " and she don't go to meetin' once 
 in six months. I don't know what we should want to 
 consult her for, I 'm sure." 
 
 " But you know," says Miss Stillman, " her means 
 is such that she 's able to contribbit a great deal to 
 any object she approves of." 
 
 "And we'd ought to be careful about offendin 1 
 her," says Polly Mariar, " for, you know, she with- 
 draw'd herself from the Baptists because their Sewin' 
 Society dident dew as she wanted to have 'em." 
 
 " Did the Baptists break down after it?" says Miss 
 Birsley. Jest then the door opened, and in marched 
 Miss Samson Savage. But afore I go on, I 'd ought 
 to tell you something about her. She 's one o' the 
 here that is, she 's got more money thar
 
 302 WIIOW BEDOTT TAPERS 
 
 a' most any body else in town. She was a tailoress 
 when she was a gal, and they say she used to make a 
 tactful sight o' mischief among the folks where she 
 sewed. But that was when she lived in Yarmount. 
 When Mr. Savage married har, he was one o' these 
 ere specilators. "Wonderful fellers to make money, 
 them Yarmounters. Husband says they come over the 
 Green Mountains with a spellin'-book in one hand and 
 a halter in t : other, and if they can't git a school to 
 ceach, they can steal a hoss. When they first come 
 to our place, he was a follerin' the tin-peddlin' bisness; 
 be used to go rumblin' round in his cart from house 
 to house, and the rich folks ruther turned up their 
 noses at him, or he consated they did, and it made 
 him awful wrathy ; so he detarmined he 'd be richer 'n 
 any on 'em, and pay 'em off in their own coin. Old 
 Smith says he 's heerd him time and agin make his 
 boast that he 'd ride over all their heads some day 
 dident seem to have no higher eend in view than to 
 be the richest man in Scrabble Hill. He sot his heart 
 and soul and body on 't, and knowin' how to turn 
 every cent to the best advantage, and bein' wonderful 
 sharp at a bargain, he succeeded ; every thing he took 
 hold of prospered, and without actilly bein' what you 
 could call dishonest, afore many years every body 
 allowed he was the richest man in the place. So he 
 built a great big stun house and furnished it wonder- 
 ful grand, his wife wouldent have a bit, o' furnitewer
 
 THE SEWING- SOCIETY. 303 
 
 uade here nothin' woald dew but she must send 
 away to Philadelphy for 't. And such farnitewer was 
 never seen in the town afore ! Such elegant sofys and 
 cheers and curtins, and ever so many curus consarns 
 that I don't know the name of, and I guess she don't 
 neither. So she sot up for a lady. She was always a 
 coarse, boisterous, high-tempered critter, and when 
 her husband grow'd rich, she grow'd pompous and 
 overbearin'. She made up her mind she 'd rule the 
 roast, no matter what it cost she 'd be the first in 
 Scrabble Hill. She know'd she wa'n't a lady by natur 
 nor by eddication, but she thought mabby other folks 
 would be fools enough to think she was if she made 
 a great parade. So she begun by dressin' more, and 
 givin' bigger parties than any body else. Of course, 
 them that thinks money 's the main thing (and ther 's 
 plenty such here and every where), is ready to flatter 
 her and make a fuss over her, and approve of all her 
 dewin's. If ther 's any body that won't knuckle tew 
 her, I tell ye they have to take it about east. She 
 abuses 'em to their faces and slanders 'em to their 
 backs. Such conduct wouldent be put up with in 
 a poor woman ; but them that would be for drummin 
 me out o' town if I should act so, is ready to uphold 
 Miss Samson Savage, and call it independence and 
 frankness in her. She 's got so she prides herself on 
 it. She says she ain't afeard to tell folks what she 
 think of 'em if she don't like any body, they know
 
 304 WIDOW B E I> O T T PAPERS 
 
 it party soon. Husband says she wouldent think it 
 no harm to set her neighbor's house a fire if she done 
 it in the day-time. She shows her independence in 
 another way sometimes, by riggin' out in old duds 
 that would disgrace a washerwoman, and trainin' round 
 town, inakin' calls and so forth, sometimes in an old 
 wagin and sometimes afoot. It tickles her wonder- 
 fully to hear folks whisper as she goes along " Jest 
 see Miss Savage ! that'll dew for her, but 'twonldent 
 do for every body." 
 
 When she goes out in company, she 'nopolizes the 
 hull o' the conversation. She 's detarmined that every 
 body in the room shall have the benefit of all she has 
 to say. So she talks up so awful loud that she 
 drownds every body else's voice, and they have to 
 listen tew her whether or no. I was to a party a spell 
 ago where she was, and from the minnit she come in 
 (thank fortin' she never comes arly always keeps 
 the tea a waitin' for her) I say, from the minnit she 
 come till it broke up, she talked without ceesation. It 
 did seem to me as if I should go distracted. In the 
 course o' the evenin', somebody axed Pardon Petti- 
 bone's wife (she 't was Katy Carey) to play on the 
 pianner and sing : she 's a beautiful .player, and I 'm 
 very fond o' hearin' her. When she sot down to the 
 music, thinks me, Miss Savage will hold her tongue 
 now, I 'm sure. But I was mistaken. She wa'n't a 
 gwine to be put lown by a pianner, not she, so she
 
 THE SEWING SOCIETY. 806 
 
 jesfc pitched her voice a peg higher and went on with 
 her stuff all about her hired help what Bets, the 
 cook, done ; how Suke, the chambermaid, managed, 
 and how Nab, the washerwoman, carried sail. I 
 couldent take no sense o' the music at all. Miss Still- 
 man and Polly Mariar, and a few more, draw'd up 
 round her and swallered all she said, but some o' the 
 young folks that wanted to hear the music, lookt as 
 if they wished Miss Samson Savage was furder. 
 
 But it 's plain to be seen with all her pretensions 
 she feels oneasy and oncomfortable the hull time. 
 I Ve noticed that yer codfish gentility always dew. She 
 knows she ain't the ginniwine article, and so she tries 
 to make up for 't in brass and bluster. If any thing 
 goes on without her bein' head man, she always trie? 
 to put it down. She was gone a journey when the 
 Sewin' Society was started, and I s'pose she was awful 
 mad to think we darst to git up such a thing without 
 consul tin' her. Miss Birsley called on her when she 
 got hum, and axed her to jine. But she said she 
 wouldent she despised Sewin' Societies, dident want 
 nothin' to dew with 'em. Miss Birsley dident tell no- 
 body what she said but me ; she know'd 't would 
 make some o' the wimmin mad and scare the rest 
 but we both know'd 't wouldent be long afore she '<3 
 be pokin' her nose :n among us. 
 
 "Well, as T said afore, she came a marchin into the 
 room where we all sot She 's a great, tall, raw-boned
 
 306 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 woman, and sLe steps off like a trainer. She had on 
 a dirty pink sun-bun nit, and an old ragged blue calioer 
 open-gownd (what Jeff calls a shelaly} over her dress. 
 She dident so much as say " How-de-dew" to nobody, 
 but strammed right across the room and sot down ; 
 then she huv her old sun-bunnit onto the floor, and 
 draw'd a long breath, and says she " Well, I vow 
 I 'm tired ben round a shoppin', and shoppin' 's no 
 small bisness with me. I don't go into a shop and 
 stan' an hour, and make the clerks haul down all ther 
 goods, and then buy few-cents' worth, as some folks 
 dew" here she lookt round at Miss Grimes and 
 Charity " when / trade, I trade to some amount, 
 and no mistake. I was ruther tired afore I left hum 
 had company to dinner dident think o' comin' 
 here when I come out " Caroline Gipson thought 
 Bhe was a gwine to apologize for her dress, so she says 
 says she, " Oh, no apologies necessary 't was jest as 
 well to come in as you was." " What I" says she, " I 
 hope ye don't think I'd a dressed up if I had a know'd 
 I was a comin' here? not I. I don't believe in rig- 
 gin' up to come to a sewin' meetin', as some folks 
 dew" (here she squinted at the Skinners they had 
 on new plaid dresses) " but 't ain't every body that 
 can afford to wear an old double gownd. I says to 
 Poll, my waitin'-maid, ' Poll.' says I, ' go to the lumber- 
 room and git my sun-bunnit and my blue calicer 
 double gownd ; I 'm a gwioe out.' ' Massy sakes !'
 
 THE SEWING SOCIETY. 807 
 
 says Poll says she, ' does Miss Savage know 't the 
 blue double gownd has got one sleeve a' most ripped 
 out, and the linnin 's all tore so 't it hangs down below 
 the outside round the bottom?' 'Poll,' says I, 'if 
 't wa'n't that you Ve jest come out o' Pennsylvany 
 woods, and don't know nothin' about manners yet, 
 I 'd discharge ye on the spot for darin' to question me, 
 or make any remarks about what I order. I '11 for- 
 give ye this time on account o' yer ignorance, but if 
 ever you dew it agin you '11 git your walkin'-ticket on 
 short order, as sure as my name 's Miss Samson 
 Savage. Now start yer stumps, and fetch them things 
 quick meeter.' So she fetcht 'em, and I went and 
 done my shoppin'. On my way hum, it struck me 
 that you was to meet here to-day, so thinks me, I '11 
 jest step in and see what they 're up tew." " Will 
 you take some sewin'?" says Miss Birsley. " Not I," 
 says she, " till I know what I 'm a sewin' for. What 
 do ye calculate to dew with the money ye raise ?" 
 
 "We thought," says Miss Birsley, "that is, the 
 majority of us thought 't would be a good idee to am 
 enough to repair the meetinghouse and build a new 
 pulpit." " Murder!" says Miss Savage ; " well, I vow 
 if that wouldent be a worthy object." " So you don't 
 approve on 't, hey?" says Miss Birsley. "Approve 
 on ? t?" says she; "not I." 
 
 " No more don't me and Polly Mariar," says Mias 
 Stillman. Miss Savage went on : "I 'd look purty
 
 308 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 wouldent I, a workin' to fix up that meetin'-house foi 
 Tuttle to preach in !" " So you don't like Mr. Tuttle, 
 hey?" says Miss Birsley. "Like him?" says she; 
 " not I. He don't know nothin' can't preach no 
 more'n that stove-pipe" (she hates Parson Tuttle 
 'cause he hain't never paid no more attention to her 
 than he has to the rest o' the congregation) " he 's 
 as green as grass and as flat as a pancake." " That 's 
 jest what mar and me thinks," says Polly Mariar 
 Stillman. Miss Savage went on: "He don't know 
 B from a broomstick, nor bran when the bag 's open." 
 " That 's jest what I think," says Miss Stillman. " I 
 says to Mr. Stillman last Sabbath, as we was a comin' 
 from meetin', ' Mr. Stillman' says I" But what 't was 
 she said to Mr. Stillman, dear knows, for Miss Savage 
 dident let her go on. "I say," says she, "I'd look 
 beautiful a comin' to Sewin' Society and workin' the 
 eends o' my fingers off to build a pulpit for Tuttle to 
 be poked up in Sabbath after Sabbath, and preach off 
 jest what he 's a mind tew. No ye don't ketch me 
 a takin' a stich for such an object. I despise Tuttle, 
 and I '11 tell him so tew his face when I git a chance. 
 Ye don't ketch me a slanderin' folks behind ther 
 backs and then soft-soapin' 'em to their faces, as somo 
 folks dew" (here she lookt at Miss Stillman and 
 Polly Mariar.) " And where 's his wife, I 'd like to 
 know? Why ain't she here to work to-day? A 
 purty piece o' bisness, I must say, for you all to be
 
 THE SEWING SOCIETY. 309 
 
 here a diggin' away to fix up Tattle's meetin 1 
 when she's to hum a playin' lady" "Miss Tattle 
 ain't very well," says L "That's a likely story;' 
 says Miss Savage ; and from that she went on and 
 blazed away about Miss Tuttle at a terrible rate. Misa 
 Stillman and Polly Mariar. and a number more o' the 
 wimmin, sot tew and helped her whenever they could 
 git a word in edgeways ; and such a haulin' over as 
 Miss Tuttle and the parson got, I never heerd afore 
 m all the days o' my life. 
 
 While they was in the midst on't, Miss G : pson 
 come to the door and axed us to walk out to tea 
 she 'd ben out all the afternoon a gittin' it reddy so 
 we put up our work and went out. We don't have 
 the tea handed round at our meetin's as a gineral 
 thing ; we have the things sot on a long table ; the 
 woman o' the house pours tea at one eend, and we all 
 stan' round and help ourselves. It 's very convenient, 
 especially where they* don't keep no help. Well, we 
 all took hold, and for a while Parson Tuttle and hia 
 wife and every body else had a restin' spell, for even 
 Miss Samson Savage had other use for her tongue. 
 She believes in dewin' one thing to once. Whbn she 
 eats she eats and when she talks she talks. 
 
 And we had a real nice tea, I tell ye biscuit and 
 butter, and crackers and cheese, and cold meat and 
 pickles, and custard and whipt cream, and three kinds 
 o' presarves, and four kinds o' cake, and what not 1
 
 310 WIDOW BEDGTT PAPERS. 
 
 I couldent help o' thinkin' that the money laid out on 
 that tea would a went a good way toward the new 
 pulpit. 
 
 "What delightful biscuit," says Miss Grimes 
 "They are so," says Miss Skinner; "but Miss Gip- 
 son never has poor biscuit." " shaw !" says Miss 
 Gipson, " you ain't in arnest : my biscuits is miserable 
 not nigh so good as common. I don't think the 
 flour 's first rate." "Miss Gipson, how dew you 
 make crackers?" says Miss Stillman ; "I never tasted 
 none so good." " Now you don't mean so," says Miss 
 Gipson. " I can make good crackers, but them 's very 
 poor; the oven wa'n't jest right when I put 'em in." 
 *' I mitst have another piece o' this cheese, it ? s so good," 
 says Miss Lippincott. "Where did you git it?' 
 " Well, I got it of old Daddy Sharp : he ginerally 
 makes excellent cheese, but I tell Mr. Gipson old 
 Sharp's failed for once that 's what I call poor cheese." 
 " Dew taste o' this plum sass, Miss Peabody," says 
 Miss Brewster ; " I never see the beat on V " I 'd 
 ruther have these peaches," says Miss Peabody; 
 " they 're derlidous. It is a mystery to me how Miss 
 Gipsdh always has such luck with her presarves. 
 I never dew, and I always take pound for pound tew." 
 " This apple-jel 's the clearest I ever see," says old Miss 
 Parker. " How did you make it, Miss Gipson ? Did- 
 ent you dew it in the sun ? I 'm sure it don't look a 
 if it ever was nigh the fire." " Now don't speak o'
 
 THE SEWING SOCIETY. 311 
 
 that jel," says Miss Gipson. " I told Carline I was 
 ashamed o' mj jel after seein' Miss Parker's, and I was 
 a'most sorry I 'd made any presarves since I 'd eat 
 some o' Miss Peabody's and Miss Skinner's, theirn was 
 .w much nicer." So they went on. The whipt cream 
 and custard had to be gone :>ver : Miss Gipson had to 
 tell jest how 't was made what flavorin' she used, 
 and all that though she declared she was ashamed 
 on 't. The cake was praised up : they must know 
 how much butter ther was in this, how many eggs it 
 took for that and so forth. Miss Gipson, of course, 
 run it down she could make good cake, but somehow 
 she failed that time. A person that dident know how 
 wimmin always go on at such a place, would a thought 
 that Miss Gipson had tried to have every thing the 
 miserablest she possibly could, and that the rest on 
 'em had never had any thing to hum but what waa 
 miserabler yet. 
 
 Weil, every thing arthly comes to an eend, and so 
 did that tea after a spell, and purty soon after we went 
 hum. Miss Stillman invited us to meet to their house 
 next time. She urged Miss Sampson Savage to come, 
 and I don't doubt but what she will if she thinks 
 ther 's any chance for kickin' up a muss. I was in to 
 Miss Birsley's the next day, and she and I talked it 
 over. She says we hain't accomplished much yit, for 
 some o' the work's done so miserable 't won't 
 never sell in creation without it 's picked out and
 
 312 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPEKS. 
 
 done over better. The rest is put together wrong, 
 and has got to be took to pieces whether or no. FOT 
 my part, I feel euy most discouraged about the Sewin' 
 Society.
 
 XXVI. 
 
 in's Pisii t0 SUbtirton. 
 
 T ' VE ben a journey sence I saw you, Nancy, away 
 down to Slabtown, to see a cousin o' husband's 
 that lives there. She 't was Eunice Ludlow, she mar- 
 ried a Bentley, carpenter and jiner by trade. They 
 moved from Coon's Holler to Slabtown about five 
 year ago, and there he follered the lumberin' business, 
 and done very well at it. I hadent seen 'em since 
 they went away, and bein' as she urged me very hard 
 and made me promise I 'd come out there the last time 
 she was to our house, I thought I 'd ought to go. I 
 used to set a great deal by Eunice when she was a gal. 
 I thought there never was a happier couple than she 
 and Bentley was when they lived at the Holler. He 
 had a good trade and was industrious, and so was she, 
 and they got along first rate. And then they had a 
 couple o' the nicest behaved children that I ever see. 
 Lucy, the eldest, was about eight year old when they 
 moved away, and Henry was five or six. 
 
 But I found things considerably altered since they 
 come to Slabtown. It 's quite a big place, as big agin 
 14
 
 314 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 as Scrabble Hill and growin' bigger all the time. 
 Eunice had got her idees raised a good deal, and had 
 some wonderful curus notions about giiitility. The 
 house was furnished mighty grand, and she dident dew 
 Uer own work as she used to ac the Holler, but kept 
 a great slatterin', imperdent hired gal, that done jest 
 as she was a mind tew about every thing. 
 
 Lucy, tew, she was a growin' up ginteel. She 's 
 got to be the proudest little thing that ever I see, 
 peart and bold, and right up in every body's face and 
 eyes, stickin' in her gab all the time, and nippin' round 
 with a couple of awful long pigtails with bows on the 
 eends, a danglin' down her back. 
 
 Henry, he 's about as hateful a young one as ever 
 went unflogged. I used to dread his comin' hum from 
 school; for he went yellin' and hollerin' round the 
 house, kickin' and spittin', and sassin' every body that 
 spoke to him. I actilly heerd him swear a number o' 
 times. And he 's out in the streets late o' nights, 
 playin' and fightin' with all sorts o' boys. I talked to 
 his father about it, told him I thought he 'd ought to 
 keep Henry in o' nights, and be more particklar about 
 his 'sociates. But he haw-haw'd right out in my face ; 
 " Shaw, Aunt Magwire," says he, "that 's all cant I 
 bolieve in lettin' boys- run ; it 's the only way to make 
 'em independent." "Sam Bentley," says I, "you 
 ain't the man you usei to be. When you lived to 
 Uie Holler, you was :[uite partic'lar about yer chil-
 
 VISIT TO SLABTOWN. 815 
 
 dien, and about yerself tew ; for I remember you 
 used to go to meetin' quite stiddy with Eunice, and 
 always had prayers in yer family night and mornin'." 
 Don't never mention that agin," says he; "I'm 
 ashamed on 't I was green in them days ; now I 've 
 got morf iniarged views. The fact is, Aunt Magwire, 
 Slabtowk : a great place. If I 'd a stayed at Coon's 
 Holler, ten to one, I 'd a went on in that snivelling 
 eantin', go-to-meetin' way all my life." "Like 
 enough/' says I ; " and mabby got to heaven in it last. 
 Slabtown is a great place, and no mistake." Sam did- 
 ent say no more. 
 
 Eunice dident seem to be very proud o' me, I'm 
 such a plain, homemade body. She never introduced 
 me to none of her ginteel acquaintances when they 
 called ; so, as I dident have nothing to say, I used tt 
 have the benefit of all the conversation, and sartinly 
 'twas quite entertain'. They ginerally begun with 
 the fashions. Next, they took up the subject o' hired 
 gals, and when they 'd wore that out, the neighbor- 
 hood in gineral had to undergo a haulin' over. 'T was 
 pretty much the same as it is in Scrabble Hill, only I 
 think the Slabtown folks make rather more fuss over 
 each other to their faces, than what they dew in our 
 'place. 
 
 One afternoon, there was a youngish married wo- 
 man by the name o' Miss Teeters called. She and 
 Eunice are quite intimit ; though, after all, Eunice
 
 316 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 don't seem to think much of her, but she considers 
 her wonderful ginteel. Her gintility seemed to con 
 Bist in her wearin' more colors than I ever see on to 
 once afore in all mj born days. She had on a yaller 
 bunnit, with a great pink artificial on it ; a red shawl, 
 and a green silk frock, and blue ribbin round her 
 neck, and I forget what all; but t'was enough to 
 make a body's eyes ache to look at her. 
 
 After they 'd gone over with the fashions, says Miss 
 Teeters, says she : " I see you keep Marthy yet ; how 
 do you git along with her ?" 
 
 But afore Eunice had time to answer her, the door 
 was banged open, and the very Miss Hawkins they 'd 
 ben talkin' about come bowsin into the the room with- 
 out ever ringin' the bell. She was clear out o' breath ; 
 for she 's quite a fleshy woman. Her face was as red 
 as a blaze, and her green satin sack was all one-sided. 
 She looked as if she 'd fixed in a wonderful hurry and 
 run all the way. " What 's to pay ?" says Miss Tee- 
 ters and Eunice in a breath. She couldent speak for 
 a minnit or so, she was so exhausted. I got up and 
 giv her the rockin'-cheer I was a sittin' in, and she 
 squoze herself into it, and says she 
 
 " Have you heerd the news ?" 
 
 " What news?" says Mis? Teeters and Miss Bentley, 
 open in' their mouths and eyes and stretchin' their 
 necks. " What news? dew tell, foi pity's sake I" 
 
 " dear me, suz," says she, " I never was so dum-
 
 VISIT TO SLABTOWN. 317 
 
 foundered in all my life. Cousin Jeemes was in to 
 our house nci half an hour ago, and read it to Sary 
 Ann and me 1 thought I 'd run in and see if Miss 
 Teetere had heerd on ; t They said she was over to 
 Mr. Bentley's, so I come right on here." 
 
 'Well, what isil, in the name o' wonder?" says 
 Miss Teeters, says she. 
 
 ' O dear me,'' says Miss Hawkins, a bio win' herself 
 with her handkercher as hard aa ever she could. " 
 dear me, ther 's the awfulest piece that you ever see, 
 come out in the 'Ladies Book,' and it's all about our 
 Sewm' Society, takin' us off to an ioty, and tellin' all 
 how we go on ; and, of course, 't was writ in this vil- 
 lage." 
 
 "You don't?'' says Miss Teeters, says she. 
 
 "It's a fact 5 " says Miss Hawkins. "And what's 
 worse yet, our minister's wife writ it." 
 
 '' How you talk 1" says Miss Teeters. 
 
 '' "Well, I shouldent wonder," says Eunice, says she. 
 1 foi I Ve heerd that your minister's wife writes for the 
 papers. But, pray, what does it say ?" 
 
 Oh," says Miss Hawkins, " as true as I 'm a live 
 woman, it 's got every one of our members in, an.'] 
 *hows us all up shamefully, only jest me and Sary 
 Ann. 1 can't see as ther 's any body in it that re- 
 sembles us a mite. But you're drawed out, Miss 
 Teeisrs ; and Cappen Sapley, he 's down large as life ; 
 and the Boinans are in for 't; and so 's Bill Swecze/s
 
 318 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 wife, and Samanthy Cooper, and Tom Baily 's wife 
 and Miss Ben Curtis ; and there 's a Miss Siillman and 
 her daughter, that 's meant for the Longs. They 're 
 all fictitious names, to be sure, but it 's easy enough 
 .to tell who 's who. But the squire's wife ketches h 
 the worst of all. I tell ye, it takes her off tc nis. 
 Nobody can mistake it. Jeemes wouldent let us keep 
 it, or I 'd a fetcht it over. He war gvvine to take it in 
 to the Bomanses. I hope you '11 get hold on 't ; for 
 of all the abominable messes that ever I see, it 's the 
 crownin' pint." 
 
 " Will, I never heerd the beat on 't," says Miss Tee- 
 ters. 
 
 " Nor I neither," says Eunice. " I should think a 
 minister's wife might be in better business. "Well. 
 I 'm glad I don't belong to your Society. I ain't took 
 off, that 's sartin. But how do you know it actilly 
 means your Society ?" . 
 
 "Oh, that's plain enough," says Miss Hawkins, 
 " for it tells things that was positively said and doL e 
 at some o' the meetin's. Jest how the squire's wife 
 went on ; calls her 'Miss Samson Savage.' " (I begun 
 to prick up my ears. Thinksme, what on airth docs 
 all this mean ?) " But the mystery to me is, how tbe 
 minister's wife got hold on 't. She wa'n't there. 
 Somebody that was there must a told her. I wonder 
 who 't was ?" 
 
 Miss Teeters turned rather red. I thought she
 
 VISIT TO SLABTOWN. 319 
 
 looktd kind o guilty ; and says she : " It 's abominable 
 it 's ridicilous ! I '11 go right home and tell my hu5 
 band how the minister's wife 's ben writin' about me , 
 and I shouldent wonder if he should take the matter 
 up he 's cowhided a number of individdiwals for 
 speakin' disparagin' o' me. But has the squire's wife 
 heerdon't?" 
 
 ''No," says Miss Hawkins. "I stopt there as I 
 come along, but she 'd gone out o' town. Won't she 
 be mad, though ; she 's such a fiery critter !" 
 
 "I say," says Miss Teeters, says she, "it's high 
 time we got rid o' the minister ; he ain't the man for 
 us. A ginteel and inteilectible congregation like our'n 
 had ought to have a man o' great eloquential powers. 
 And as for his wife, I never could bear her, with Ler 
 old stripid dress that she wears every Sunday, rain or 
 shine. I don't believe she was ever accustomed to 
 ginteel society." 
 
 "Nor I neither," says Miss Hawkins. "I took a 
 dislike tew her when they first come here. I don't 
 like yer mum characters that never say nothin' about 
 nobody. It seems she 's ben savin' on 't up to let off 
 in the newspapers. Bethiar Nobles says she told her 
 she thought our congregation drest tew much ; and I 
 shouldent wonder if she did, for she ' stuck to that old 
 straw bunnit and everlastin' stripid dress all winter, 
 and I s'pose it 's to set an example o' plainness afore 
 us, jest as if we 'd foller her lead. For my part, I think
 
 820 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 she might better spend more time a dressin', and less 
 a writin' for the newspapers. And they say he in- 
 courages her in it, and likes to have her write. I wish 
 they was both furder off." 
 
 " I wish so tew," says Miss Seeters ; '* and I guess 
 ther 's a good many that wish so. She ain't popilar at 
 all in our set. She never runs in sociably, as Miss 
 Van Dozen used to. They say she goes a great deal 
 more among the poor folks, than she does among the 
 giuteel part o' the congregation. And that 's a sure 
 sign, / think, that she 's ben more accustomed to ming- 
 lin' with them sort o' folks, than with such as we be." 
 
 Well, they blazed away in that style for as much as 
 an hour. I can't remember half they said ; and Eunice 
 she told 'em that if she was they, she wouldent put up 
 with it; she'd make a fuss about it, and have the 
 minister sent off. 
 
 As soon as they 'd gone, Eunice burst out a laughin', 
 and says she : " "Well, if that ain't the best piece o' 
 news I 've heerd this many a day. I 've always heerd 
 that that Sewin' Society was a reg'lar slander-mill, 
 where the principal busines is to brew mischief against 
 the minister ; and I 'm glad they 've got showed up at 
 last. The minister 's a good man, and a smart man 
 tew : but the biggest part o' the congregation is such a 
 set of ignoramuses, that they don't know a smart man 
 from a fool. They always make a great fuss over 
 theii minister when he first comes ; but if he don't
 
 VISIT TO SLABTOWtf. 321 
 
 preach smooth things tew 'em all the time, they soon 
 contrive to starve him out or quarrel him off. When 
 they gin this one a call, they agreed to give him five 
 hundred dollars a year, and pay it quarterly. And it 
 is a solemn fact, that half on 't hain't ben paid yet. 
 Betsey Hall, a girl that used to wash for 'em some- 
 times, told me so. She said she 'd often listened to 
 the door, and heerd the minister and his wife a talkin' 
 over their troubles ; and she says that ther ain't more 'n 
 half a dozen in the congregation that pay their dues 
 reglarly ; and if 't wa'n't for what the minister's wife 
 gits for writin' for the newspapers, they wouldent be 
 able to pay their house-rent and keep out o' debt, no 
 way. She said she overheerd him say to his wife one 
 day : * The quarter's rent 11 be due next Saturday, and 
 I hain't a cent to pay it.' ' Keep up your courage my 
 dear,' says she, * perhaps I shall have somethin' from 
 Philadelphy before then.' And Betsey said she guess- 
 ed it come, for she was knowin' to the rent bein' paid 
 the next Saturday. I couldent help laughin' in my 
 sleeve when Miss Teeters was a tellin' how much bet- 
 ter Parson Yan Duzen's wife was liked than this one. 
 They abused her like a pickpocket when she was here 
 and was always a runnin' her down. She couldent 
 dew nothin' to please 'em." 
 
 " Eunice," said I, why dident you talk so when they 
 was in, and tell 'em plainly to iheir faces what you 
 thought." 
 
 H*
 
 822 WIDOW BEEOTT PAPERS. 
 
 " law," says she, " I dident want to get mixed up 
 in their quarrels." And then she throw'd on her 
 things and run off to some o' the neighbors to tell the 
 news and talk over it. She was gone till tea time. 
 But she dident have the satisfaction o' tellin' the story 
 first, for every body where she went had heerd it al- 
 ready. News flies like wildfire in Slabtown. She 
 dident git hold o' the piece though ; nobody hadent 
 seen it, but they 'd all heerd about it. It 's wonderful 
 how !oon 't was in every body's mouth. When Sam 
 comes hum he was full on 't said 't was all over town 
 nothin' else was talked about from one eend o' the 
 village to t'other. Eunice was very anxious to read 
 it ; and Sam went to the bookstore to git it, but they'd 
 sold every copy they had, and ther was a great call 
 for more. Ther was a wonderful excitement about it. 
 Sam said the Californy fever was nothing tew it. 
 Californy and every thing else seemed to be entirely 
 forgot for a spell. The wimmin laid aside all other 
 business, and gadded round from house to house talk- 
 in about the Sewin' Society. And the men, tew, 
 they 're as fond o' tatlin' and gossipin' in Slabtown as 
 the wimmin. They met together in shops and stores, 
 and bar rooms and oyster-cellars, and talked it over. 
 Wherever you 'd see a mess o' men standin' you might 
 know they was discussin' the-Sewin' Society. 
 
 In Slabtown, every body knows jest what every 
 body else says and does. It seemed raly wonderful to
 
 VISIT TO SLABTOWN, 823 
 
 tne how all that was said was trumpeted round. Pri 
 vale conversations was blazed all over town, that must 
 a ?>en carried bj the birds o' the air, or else ther must 
 a ben a good many ears occurpied at a good many 
 key -holes. I was wonderfully struck with this faculty 
 m the Slabtown folks. They 're a community remar- 
 kable for their inguirin! minds. If 't was applied to 
 any useful purpose, ther 's no calculatin' how much 
 they might accomplish. If the government should 
 ever conclude to make researches into the manners 
 and customs o' the antipodes under ground, I should 
 advise 'em to send to Slabtown for an explorin' com- 
 pany. I '11 warrant they 'd find out all how and about 
 it for 'em. They 'd report all that 's a dewin' there, 
 and a good deal more. So 't was about that article 
 that was laid to the ministers wife's door. Every body 
 know'd what every body else said and thought about 
 it. The inquirin 1 minds was all at work. Every 
 hour in the day ther was somebody a runnin' into 
 Bentley's with some new story something the Haw- 
 kinses or the Longs, or the Teeeters, or the squiie's 
 folks had said or done. 
 
 " And ' Miss Samson Savage,' " says Miss Teeters 
 " did you ever see such a perfect picter as that is o' 
 the squire's wife ? how exactly it goes on like her. 
 don't it ? Any body that ever see her would know it 
 m a minute." 
 
 " But," says Teeters, " I don't see how the minister's
 
 824 WIDOW BETOTT PAPERS. 
 
 wife found out how she talked. Some o' your mem 
 hers must a peached." 
 
 Miss Teeters blushed, and says she : " Oh, dear me, 
 I 'm dreadfully afeard she '11 think 't was me. If she 
 should, she 'd hate ine like pisen, and never invite me 
 to any more o' her parties. I wouldent git her ill-will 
 for all the world. What sliall I dew ? I must run 
 right over there 'fore any body else see her, and make 
 it all straight." 
 
 " That 's right," said Teeters. " I wouldent be struck 
 out o' her good books for no money. We '11 show 
 her that we don't uphold the minister's wife in such 
 conduct. But I must dew something tew. If she 
 was only a man I could give her a cowhidin' or at 
 least threaten to ; but bein' she 's a woman I don't 
 know what to dew." 
 
 " I '11 tell ye, Teeters, what ye can dew," said his 
 rife. " You can circulate a petition to get the minis- 
 ter dismissed." 
 
 " That 's the checker," said Teeters, with a terrible 
 oath. 
 
 So Miss Teeters flung on her things and started off 
 for the squire's. And Teeters sot down to draw up 
 his petition. When she got to the squire's, Miss Tee- 
 ters huv herself down on the sofy and fainted away 
 and the squire's wife run for the cologne bottle. 
 When she began to come tew, says the squire's wife. 
 Bays she
 
 VISIT TO SLABTOWN. 325 
 
 " For the land's sate, child, what 's the matter with 
 ye?" 
 
 Miss Teeters groanedj and says she: "Have you 
 seen the Lady's Book ?" 
 
 " What lady's book ?" says the squire's wife, saya 
 she. 
 
 " Why the Lady's Book that 's printed in Philadel 
 phy once a month." 
 
 '' No, I hain't seen it," says she. " What on 't ?" 
 
 *' Well, I 'm 50 glad you hain't," says Miss Teeters ; 
 " and I do hope you won't. Don't you look at it if you 
 do see it. I beg of you not to look at it for all the 
 world. Promise me you won't open it if you do see 
 it." 
 
 "Well, I should like to know," says the squire's 
 wife, " what 's the reason I must n't look at that par- 
 tic'lar book. For gracious sake, out with it !" 
 
 " Oh," says Miss Teeters, " ther 's the awfullest piece 
 in it that ever you sot eyes on ; and every body says 
 the minister's wife writ it. It 's all about our Sewin 
 Society takes us off most shamefully but you es 
 pecially shows you up abominably calls you ' Miss 
 Samson Savage.' It ain't a bit like you, to be sure ; 
 but it 's perfectly horrid. Do promise me not to read 
 it ; for it '11 hurt your fee'ins dreadfully. It did mine. 
 To think that a person I set so much by as I do 
 by you, should be so abused ! Mr. Teeters is perfect- 
 ly outrageous about it ; he says it is n't to be borne
 
 326 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 He 's intendin' to start a petition to have the minister 
 sent off. You know we 've long ben tryin' to git rid 
 of him, and this '11 be a good opportunity" (Miss 
 Teeters had always pretended to the minister that she 
 was one of his best friends and was always a runnin' 
 tew him with every thing the squire's wife and Miss 
 Hawkins said against him Of course, he nor his 
 wife hadent no confidence in her. They understood 
 human nater well enough to know she 'd talk against 
 them behind their backs.) 
 
 'T was nat'ral enough, after all this parade, that the 
 squire's wife should be in a terrible pucker to see the 
 Lady's Book. So, after makin' a wonderful to do 
 about it, and pretendin' she was awful unwillin', Miss 
 Teeters fetcht her the book. At first, the squire's 
 wife declared that Miss Savage wa'n't meant fcr her, 
 but all her particular friends insisted Upon it that 'twas. 
 So at last she had to give up, and, of course, she was 
 awful mad about it, and stormed away at a terrible 
 rate. 
 
 Miss Hawkins, she kept the ball a rollin' ; devoted 
 her hull time to runnin' round the neighborhood and 
 blazin' away about it. She was what folks call ' ' toady" 
 to the squire's wife, and every body said that the 
 " Miss Stillman in the piece, that was makin' such a 
 muss, meant her, and she tho't so tew. But she tho't 
 that if she could make folks believe 't was intended 
 for Miss Long, she could accomplish tew ends : she 'd
 
 VISIT TO SL ABT )WN.. 327 
 
 I t rid o' bavin* the Barnes o Miss Stillman and Polly 
 Mariar' tucked onto her and her daughte^ and, what was 
 purty important, turn the Longs against the minister 
 an! his wife. Now the Longs was very stiddy, go-to 
 meetin' sort o' folks, and had always been my friend- 
 iy to the minister's family. So Miss Hawkins went 
 puffin' and blowin, round town, makin' a terrible fuss 
 about the " piece," and dwellin' partic'larly on the awful 
 shame it was to take off the Longs so. One day she went 
 into the squire's, and the squire's wife says to her k 
 says she : " Well, how do you feel about bein' hit off 
 by Aunt Magwire ? You ketch it about as bad as I 
 dew." 
 
 " shaw," says Miss Hawkins, " I ain't hit off at all. 
 What makes you think I be ?" 
 
 " Now, Hawky,"says the squire's wife, " it 's all non- 
 sense for you to try to make me think that ain't meant 
 for you and Sary Ann." " I know 't is." 
 
 "Well," says Miss Hawkins, says she, "between 
 yon and me, the fact is, whether 't was meant for me 
 or not, one thing 's clear, if we could make the Longs 
 believe 't was intended for them, we should be pretty 
 sure o' gittin' rid o' the minister. For, of course, Miss 
 Long and Helen would feel dretfully hurt about 
 bein' took off so by the minister's wife, and Mr. Long 
 he 'd think jest as they did. And if we can once git 
 the Longs set against the minister's folks, they '11 have, 
 to qnit in short order."
 
 328 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPEKS. 
 
 "Well, that is an idee," says the squire's wife 
 " Hawky, you 's more cunnin' than I be. If ' Daddy- 
 long-legs' " (that 's what she calls Mr. Long behind 
 his back) " once gits his dander up it '11 be all day 
 with the parson; for some how or other, he 's contriv- 
 ed to git considerable influence in the parish. It must 
 be because he 's such a stiddy old poke, for he hain't 
 no more mind of his own than that pair o' tongs. I 
 can turn him round with my little finger. I guess I '11 
 go down and give 'em a stirrin' up." So up she start 
 ed and off she traipsed to Mr. Long's. She marched 
 into the parlor, where Miss Long and jJ.elen was a sit- 
 ting and makin' a low curchy, she says, says uLe : 
 " Miss Samson Savage, at your sarvice ; and how does 
 Miss Si illman and Polly Mariar dew to day ?" 
 
 Well, to make a long story short, the Longs was 
 made to believe that the minister's wife had actilly 
 ben showin' 'em up. Of course they was outrageous 
 about it ; and Miss Long talked harder aginst the min- 
 ister's wife than she 'd ever talked aginst any body 
 p.fore. She dident go tew her, like a Christian ought 
 to. and ax an explanation, but she contented herself 
 with callin' her an abominable woman and a shameful 
 critter, and said she wa'n't fit to be a minister's wife, 
 and so forth. And Mr. Long he jined in with the op- 
 position, and wanted the minister to quit. 
 
 And Teeters, he got up his petition, and went blus- 
 terin' round with it, threatenin' to cowhide every body
 
 VISIT TO SLABTOWN. 329 
 
 .hat didtnt sign it. He hadent got but a few names 
 to it, when he went into Sharp's store and axed Sharp 
 to sign it. Sharp's a straight-forrard feller, that minds 
 his own business. He took the petition and lookt at 
 it, and then deliberately opened the stove door and 
 throw'd it in ; and turnin' to Teeters, says he : " Tee- 
 ters, you 're a fool ; go hum and take care o' yer wife, 
 and lei alone meddlin' with what 's none o' yer busi- 
 ness." 
 
 I s'pose you think Teeters cowhided him on the 
 spot : but you 're mistaken. He went hum and took 
 it out in rippin' and swearin', and threatenm' to take 
 the law o 5 Sharp.
 
 XXYTI. 
 
 T AW me, Nancy, why 't would take a week to tell 
 all the sayin's and dewin's that took place in 
 Slabtown in consequence o' that article in the lady's 
 Book. I never see nor heerd o' nothin' equal to 't, 
 Such a tempest in a tea-pot! such an awful uproar 
 about nothin' ! 'T was wonderful 't was amusin' tew 
 And what was the poor minister's wife about all this 
 time? Why she was to hum, a mindin' her own 
 business as usual. Miss Teeters was heerd to say to 
 several individdiwals, that she guessed that old stripid 
 dress and straw bunnit wouldent darst to show them- 
 selves in church no more, when there was such an 
 excitement. But Sunday came and there was the 
 minister's wife in her seat, lookin''jest as if nothin' 
 had happened more 'n or'nary. The members o' the 
 Sewin' Society thought 't was very audacious in 
 her. 
 
 'T was cur'us to see how all the persons that was 
 the most active in aiakin' a noise and keepin up the 
 excitement had every one on 'em some eend o' their
 
 VISIT TO SLABTOWN. 331 
 
 own that they hoped to forrard by makin' a, hue and 
 cry. There was the Slaters, they were dretful mad at 
 the squire's wife, because she hadent invited 'em to 
 KOI last party. And Mr. Sweezer had told 'em that 
 the squire's wife remarked at her party, that she 
 dident invite the Slaters because she meant to be more 
 select in her parties in futur'. Sweezer's very intimit 
 with the squire's folks a kind o' boot-licker tew 'em 
 -though he 's always slanderin' 'em to their backs. 
 He 'fi a reg'lar man-gossip Well, the Slaters was 
 wonderful tickled to see the squire's wife git such a 
 dressin cut, as they called it ; so they went round ex- 
 ultin' o^er it, 
 
 Then ther was a number that was wonderful anxious 
 to git themselves into notice, no matter how. And 
 they blazed away about the impropriety d 1 writirf such 
 articles. They disproved on 'em entirely. But them 
 that was tryin' to git into the squire's wife's good 
 graces, was the most obstropelous - about it. They 
 called it abominable awful ! they hoped the squire 
 would take the law o' the minister's wife, and so forth. 
 And some that was rejoiced to git hold o' any thing 
 that could be turned against the minister, went sneak- 
 in' round takin' it up in a sly way ; they was very 
 sorry it had happened, very ; but it was all up with 
 the minister now ; he might as well pack up his traps 
 and budge at once ; for he couldent be supported in 
 Slabtown no longer, public sentiment was so against
 
 dd2 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPEES. 
 
 him. Then, tew, ther was a careful set, suck as there 
 is every where, that wanted to be " right side up ;" 
 and not bein' able to determine for sartin which would 
 turn out to be the popilar party, ail they done, when 
 the "Sewin' Society" was mentioned, was to shake 
 their heads and look knowin'. But the tew-sided 
 party was the most numerous. They circulated round 
 from the minister's friends to his enemies, and pretend- 
 ed to belong to jest the side they happened to be with. 
 To the minister's friends they said, " that was a first- 
 rate article in the Lady's Book ; 't was capital 't was 
 true to nater it took off them that deserved it richly ; 
 and they hoped that the author 'd write more, and give 
 'em another dig." When they got among the op- 
 posite party, they said " 't was a slanderous thing 
 'twas shameful 'twa'n't to be put up with;" and 
 then they carried back and forth all they heerd on 
 both sides, and made a sight o' mischief. Mr. Sweezer 
 was one o' this kind. He had about as much as he 
 could attend to for a' spell, runnin' from one side 
 t' other carryin' the news. 
 
 But the most active o' the two-siders was Bethiar 
 Nobles, an old gal that gits her livin' principally by 
 visitin'. She 's acquainted with every thing that goes 
 on in the village ; knows every body's business, jest 
 what young folks are ingaged, and who 's broke off 
 their ingagements; who's ben disappointed, and 
 who's .distracted after who. She knows jest what
 
 VISIT TO SLABTOWN. 833 
 
 couples lives like cats and dogs together, -what 
 cues is livin' beyond their means, and who 's ovei 
 head and ears in debt, and how every lady in town 
 carries on her kitchenary consarns, how scrimpin' they 
 live, and all that. She always has some great excitin' 
 piece o' scandal on her hands that sarves for visitin' 
 capital; and when one wears out she trumps up 
 another. She 's an awful disagreeable old critter, but 
 ptiiJ ther 's plenty o' folks that 's willin' to in courage 
 her, for the sake o' hearin' her talk. Well, when the 
 Sewin' Society muss come up, she was on her high 
 heels. It gin her plenty o' business for a spell. She 
 visited on the strength on 't for a month at least. As 
 sure as the day come round, off started Bethiar Nobles 
 on her scandal-peddlin' expedition. Wherever she 
 went, the first question she axed was : " Have you 
 seen that article in the Lady's Book?" and the next: 
 "What do you think on't?" and what ever they 
 thought she thought tew, and jawed away accordin'ly, 
 and spent the day a tellin' what she heerd on both 
 sides. 
 
 One day she went to the minister's and spent the 
 afternoon. After she 'd hauled out her knittin' work, 
 and spread her white handkerchief across her lap for 
 show (she 's an awful snuff-taker, and carries an old 
 red gili one in her pocket for use) after she 'd hauled 
 oul her knittin' work, says she "Have you seen that 
 piece that 's come out in the Lady's Book?"
 
 334 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 " I Ve seen a number of pieces in the Ladj'a 
 Book," says the minister's wife, " which one do you 
 refer to?" , 
 
 " Why, that one about the Sewin' Society that 
 appeared in the Jinuwary number," says Bethiar, says 
 she. 
 
 " I haven t read that number at all," says the 
 minister's wife. " Mine was borrowed before I 'd had 
 time to open it." 
 
 "Well, Pve seen it," says Bethiar; "and I think 
 it 's complete. I hope the person that writ that '11 keed 
 on writin', and give it to 'em again. I never see 
 nothin' to beat that description of the squire's wife 
 it 's her to a T. They say she feels it tew. I 'm glad 
 she does ; and I hope it '11 make her draw in her hoins 
 and remember her origin, and behave a little more 
 decent. And Miss Teeters, I was glad to see her 
 ketch it ridicilous critter, neglectin' her children 
 and flirtin' round with the young men all the time. 
 And the Longs ; that 's the best o' the hull ; I tell ye, 
 it done me good to see them cut up. I hope it '11 larn 
 'em to think for themselves, and not pin their faith to 
 big folkses coat-tails. They never have no opinion o' 
 their own. I dew despise them Longs." The minister's 
 wife interrupted her, and says she 
 
 " Dident you spend the day at Mr. Long's yester- 
 day?" 
 
 " Yes," says Berthiar, says she.
 
 VISIT TO SLABTOWN. 335 
 
 " Seems to me it 's strange you should visit people 
 you despise so," says the minister's wife. 
 
 Bethiar was rather nonplushed for a minute, aiid 
 dident seem to know what to say. She hauled out 
 her snuff-box and took a monstrous pinch, and draw'd 
 round her nose one side and snuffed it up, and then 
 draw'd it round t' other side and snuffed it up agin ; 
 and when she 'd fixed out what to say, she begun :- - 
 
 ;< Yes, I did spend the day there, and it 's the last 
 day I '11 spend there for one while, I guess ; for they 
 had so much to say aginst you and yer husband that I 
 was perfectly disgusted. They 're awful mad about that 
 piece, and say you writ it. I told 'em, whether you 
 did or not, / thought 't was a first-rate thing." So 
 she run on, tellin' ever so much stuff that the Longs 
 had said against the minister and his wife, and all 
 how she tried to stop 'em, and felt so distresst to hear 
 'em. The minister's wife kept on sewin T , and dident 
 make no further remark. Bethiar stayed all the after- 
 noon and evening and talked and snuffed, and bored 
 'em through and through ; and then went off declarin' 
 she 'd had a delightful visit. 
 
 The next day she went to the squire's Miss Teeters 
 and Miss Hawkins was there. They was all glad to 
 see Bethiar come in, for they know'd she 'I bring the 
 news. She told 'em she 'd ben to the minister's ; and 
 they was wonderful cur'us to know how the minister's 
 felt and all she said and done. " Was she a
 
 336 WIDOW BEDCTT PAPERS. 
 
 vmtin'?" says Miss Teeters. "No," says Bethiar, 
 " not when I went in ; she 'd jest tucked it away when 
 she heerd the bell ring. I know'd by the looks o' 
 things that she 'd ben a writin'. She don't keep no 
 help now ; and I stayed to tea a purpose to see what 
 sort o' work she made gittin' vittals. "When she went 
 out to git tea I offered to go and help her; for I did 
 want to take a peep into the butt'ry and see what con- 
 dition 't was in they say these writin' wimmin is 
 such sluttish critters about their houses. But she was 
 t#w cunnin' to let me see behind the curtin'. She said 
 ghe diclent need no assistance." 
 
 "Why dident you insist upon 't and go ahead, 
 whether or no ?" says the squire's wife. " That 's the 
 way I 'd a done." 
 
 "Oh," says Bethiar, "she's so kind o' stiff, I 
 darsent ; but I took a good look round when I went 
 into the bed-room to take off my things. I wish to 
 gracious you could see the quilt that 'a on her bed 1 
 It 's the greatest curiosity in the quiltin' line that ever 
 I sot eyes on old fashioned herrin' bone, the Irjies 
 as much as tew inches apart without stretchin', full 
 tew inches apart !" 
 
 It 's cur'us, by the way, what a wonderful time the 
 Slabtown wimmin make about their quilts. Ther 
 seems to be a continniwal strife there as to who shall 
 git the most stitchin' on a quilt. They crowd and 
 rtnff 'em as full o' work as they possibly can. Folks
 
 VISIT TO SLABTOWN. 337 
 
 that 's able to buy han'some bed-kivers, never think 
 o' such a thing. But they '11 spend ever so many 
 weeks a diggin' away at a home-made bed-quilt, and 
 git the neighbors together time and agin, and stitch, 
 stitch, stitch, stitch, as if their lives depended on 't, 
 and not feel satisfied till every spot as big as a six- 
 pence is kivered with stitches. Eunice had a quiltin' 
 while I was there. My eyes wa'n't good enough to 
 work on the quilt, and Eunice dident seem to be very 
 sorry ; for she wa'n't very anxious to have me make 
 my appearance among her genteel friends. So I 
 staid up in my own room. Ther was a stove-pipe 
 hole in the floor from the parlor where they was 
 quiltin', and I could hear 'em talk. Grammany, what 
 a buzzin' they kept up! I tell ye, every body that 
 wa'n't there had to take it, and no mistake. It would 
 have to be a pretty skillful arithmeticker that could 
 calculate how many characters can be pulled to pieces 
 while one quilt 's a puttin' together. But I was tellin' 
 about Bethiar Noble's account o' her visit to the 
 parson's. She went on to tell, and says she 
 
 " And of all the teas that ever I sot down tew, if 
 that wa'n't the beat!" (she praised up every thing sky 
 high while she was eatin' on 't). " Baker's bread as 
 dry as a stick. I s'pose she 's tew lazy to make her 
 own bread, or else she has so much writin' to dew she 
 can't spend time; and the cake dear knows how 
 16
 
 338 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 long it had ben baked and plum-sass as sour as 
 vengeance." 
 
 " But what did she say ?" says the squire's wife. 
 11 That 's the main pint. What did she have to say 
 about the piece f" 
 
 " She kept pretty mum about that, I tell ye," says 
 Bethiar ; " for, you see, I pretended I dident know 
 fihe writ it, so I went on and told my opinion pretty 
 freely. I said that I guessed if the writer on 't thought 
 they was a gwine to injure people of such standin' as 
 the squire's wife and Miss Teeters, they 'd find them- 
 selves mistaken. She look't awful mad, but never 
 opened her head. Then I spoke o' the Longs, what 
 fine people they was, and said I spent the day before 
 with 'em. When I said that, she spoke up, . and 
 say she : ' Well, / wouldent visit such despisable 
 people.' " 
 
 "She talked against the Longs, hey ?" says the 
 squire's wife. " Well, they ought to know it." 
 
 " They shall know it," says Miss Teeters. 
 
 " I thought I should tell 'em on 't," says Bethiar 
 
 " Well, they must know it to-day, for to-morrow 's 
 Sunday," says Miss Hawkins. " I s'pose you calculate 
 to spend the afternoon here, so I guess I '11 jest run 
 down myself and give 'em a hint on 't." 
 
 Well, I kept a hearin' more and more every day, 
 Mid what to make on 't, I dident know. 'T was ali 
 'Miss Samson Savage, and Miss ScillmaL. and Miss 

 
 VISIT TO SLABTOWN. 880 
 
 Fustick and Miss Birsley,'- Thliiks me, how on arth 
 has all this about our Sewin' Society got out ? and 
 what makes the Slabtown folks think it means them ? 
 I was wonderful puzzled, but thought 't^a'n't best to 
 say any thing about it. At last, one day, Sam got 
 hold of a Lady'? Book, and fetchtit hum ; and Eunice 
 took it and sot down to read the wonderful piece out 
 loud. She turned along till she come to 'I, and saya 
 she: "Here 'tis 'Aunt Mag wire's Account of the 
 Sewin' Society at Scrabble Hill.'" I tell you, ] 
 jumped as if I was shot: " Grammany," says I, " that 
 means me!" Then it begun to crawl through my 
 haii that the name o' the book was " Godey's Lady's 
 Book," and says I: " Tit bet a dollar it's the same 
 Mr. Godey that 1 know, and he ? s went and printed 
 off that story that I t&ld him about our Sewin' So- 
 ciety." After I got calmed down a little, Eunice went 
 on and read it ; and, sure enough, there 't was, word 
 for word, jest as I told it to Mr. Godey. I told 'em 
 so. 
 
 "Now, Sam," say? I, "you go right off down street, 
 and tell every body that that are 's a ginniwine de- 
 scription of our Scrabble Hill Sewin' Society, and 
 nothin' else." 
 
 " I shan't dew it," says Sam. " They wouldent be- 
 lieve a word on 't if I should ; and, besides, I like to 
 see the fun go on." 
 
 " I say so tew," says Eunice. " If they 're a mind
 
 B40 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPEPS. 
 
 to take it tew themselves, let 'em; they deserve a 
 usin' up, and I d be the last one to tell 'em they had- 
 ent got it" 
 
 Well; what to dew, I dident know; I was a 
 stranger there, and couldent go round tellin 1 how 't was 
 myself. But it did hurt my feelins amazin'ly, to 
 think that the minister's wife was a sufferin' for u ., and 
 that his enemies was a inakin' a handle on 't to injure 
 him and drive him away. I pondered on 't, and pon- 
 dered on 't ; and, at last, I made up my mind that the 
 least I could dew would be go to the minister's and 
 explain it tew 'em. So I told Sam and Eunice what 
 T meant to dew. But they tried to persuade me not 
 to. Eunice said 'twas all nonsense; she wa'n't ac- 
 quainted with the minister's wife, but she locked like 
 a very stiff, haughty woman, and she 'd treat me cool, 
 and I 'd have my labor for my pains. But I deter- 
 mined to set my own conscience at rest, so I put on 
 my things and started off. Eunice tried with all her 
 might to stop me, but my mind ^as made up. Sam 
 wouldent go with me, nor tell me where they livc-d, 
 so I had to inquire the way as I went. 'Twas a 
 moonlight night, and I dident have no trouble in 
 findin' the house ; but 't was onpleasant to be out 
 alone in a strange place. When I got to the door- 
 steps my courage failed, and I was afeard to ring the 
 bell ; I dident know but what ther was company in, 
 and dident want to go in if ther was. I noticed a
 
 VISIT TO SLABTOWN 341 
 
 Little orflrjr one side o' the \\inder shades, so 1 stepped 
 up softly and peeped m. Ther wa'n't nobody there 
 but the minister's wife; she sot by the table a darnin' 
 stocking, and ther was a big basketful o' duds beside 
 her, that she was a gwine to mend. She looked like 
 a good natered woman. I stood and watched her 
 for some time. As I was a lookin' at her, I noticed a 
 smile come over her face. Thirks me, I '11 bet a dol- 
 lar she 's a thinkin' about the " Sewin' Society." A 
 minute after, the smile went off, and she looked 
 troubled and oneasy; thinks me, she 's a wonderin' 
 what '11 turn up next. It made me think of poor Miss 
 Scrantum, and her troubles. After a spell I plucked 
 up courage and pulled the bell. She come to the 
 door and axed me in ; but after I 'd got seated, I did- 
 ent know how to begin nor what to say. The minis- 
 ter's wife see that I felt aukard, so she made some re- 
 mark about the weather, and so on ; then she axed 
 me to take off my things ; I thanked her, and said I 
 couldent stay long. At last I harn'd and haw'd, and 
 stammered out : "I hope you '11 pardon a stranger for 
 intrudin' en you?" "No intrusion at all," says she; 
 " every body 's welcome to the minister's house." So 
 then, I felt relieved, and says I : "I come from Scrab- 
 ble Hill to visit a relation o' mine that lives here ; and 
 I 've happened to come just in the midst o' the muss 
 fchev 've kicked up about that piece they 're a laym* 
 to vou. I know alj thj foils that it tells about."
 
 342 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 " You do ?' ; says she. " And do you know Aunt 
 Magwire ?" 
 
 I riz rp, and makin' as good- a' curchy as I kncVd 
 how, says I: "I ^ that individdiwal, at yer service." 
 
 *' Indeed," says sin, comin' up to me and shakin' 
 hands with me; '^ell, I'm very glad to see you 
 though you have got me into a muss." 
 
 " O dear me," says I, " I hope you don't think f 
 know'd that story was a gwine to travel to Slabtown, 
 when I told it to Mr. Godey?" 
 
 " Law, no," says she ; '' don't give yourself the least 
 trouble about it ; ycu ain't a bit to blame." 
 
 " Well, I 'm glad jou feel so," says I ; Vbut ain't it 
 curus that the Slabtovn folks should take it all to 
 themselves as they de^v ?" 
 
 " Not at all," says she ; :! human natur 's the same 
 twery where." 
 
 " I guess so," says I. " Any how, your Sewin' 
 Society must be wonderfully like our 'n, or they 
 wouldent be so detarmined it means them ; but what 
 hurts my feelin's is, that you should have to suffer 
 for 't. I was so distrest when I heerd they was a lay- 
 in' on't to you, and usin' on 't to injure yer husband, 
 that I felt as if I must come right over and see . you, 
 though you was a stranger. If any body 's to blame. 
 I 'in willin' to bear it." 
 
 " fie," says she, " don't you fret yourself a bit 
 bout it. If people choose to fit your coats to their
 
 VISIT TO SLABTOWN. 343 
 
 own backs, 't ain't your fault ; and if they fit nice and 
 snug, perhaps they '11 do as good service as if they 
 were made expressly for 'em." 
 
 " Jest so," says I. " But it does seem tew bad that 
 you should suffer for 't. Ain't ther no way o' puttin 
 a stop tew it?" 
 
 " Never you mind," says she ; " we minister's folks 
 must have our trials, of one sort or another, where- 
 ever we go. If we hadent this perhaps we should 
 have somethin' still worse." 
 
 " But," says I, " what if they should drive you away 
 from here?" 
 
 She smiled, and dident say nothin'. 
 
 "Well," says I, "to judge from what I've seen o' 
 Slabtown since I come here, I 'm bold to say tKat, if 
 they do drive you away, they can't possibly drive you 
 to a worse place." 
 
 " Hush, Aunt Magwire," says she, " human natur s 
 the same every where; we must expect trouble 
 wherever we ga I feel prepared for almost any 
 thing" 
 
 ' Yes," says I, " I s'pose you feel a good deal as 
 that fox in the story did, when them miserable insects 
 was a bitm' him. 'Let 'em alone,' says he; 'for if 
 >'yj drive 'em away ther '11 come a hungrier swarm.' " 
 
 W%11 that was the amount of our conversation. 
 The Aiinistei & wife was very 'polite to me, md I in 
 viied her to call on me if ever she come through
 
 344 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 Scrabble Hill. She said she would, and hoped we 
 should git better acquainted. 
 
 I come away a few days after that, and I ruthei 
 guess it '11 be a good while afore I go a visitin' to 
 Slab town agin'. The place is tew awful ginted to suit 
 my taste.
 
 XXVIII. 
 
 firs, ikpm's $t,t0iwt 0f 
 
 TZTE 'S a mortal teaze, husband is. He does like a 
 joke about as well as any man I ever see. But 
 he 's always good-natured, hain't no malice at heart in 
 his capers. He was a leetk wicked though about that 
 are cider hoax he played off on Deacon Whipple and 
 Deacon Bedott. See did you ever hear about that? 
 Well, I '11 tell you, for I think 't was one o' the cutest 
 tricks he ever come. But in the first place you must 
 know what sort o' a man Deacon Whipple was, or 
 else you won't sense the joke. Well, accordin' to iny 
 rotion, he was about as contemptible a specimen of a 
 man as ever walked shoe-leather. I always thought 
 so, and so did husband, though ther was a good many 
 folks in Wiggletown looked upon him as clear perfec- 
 tion, 'cause he had so much sanctimony. He como 
 from Meddleville to our town, and he was so wonder- 
 ful pious, and made such an awful parade of his relig- 
 ion, prajdn' and exortin' and laborin' for souls, as ho 
 called it, that when he 'd ben there about three months, 
 they made him deacon. As soon as he was promoted, 
 16*
 
 346 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS, 
 
 h. begun meddlin' in every body's bizness the worst 
 w ay, watchin' all the naborhood, and takin' on 'em to 
 dew for every little thing that dident happen to come 
 come up to his idees o' duty. This he called " consarn 
 for the welfare o' Zion." As sure as ther was a 
 party o' young folks, there was Deacon "Whipple's long 
 nose poked into some o' the winders to pry out what 
 was done. And if ther was any church members 
 among 'em, and they happened to play " Button but- 
 ton ! whose got the button ?" or danse round a little, 
 he 'd have 'em hauled up before the session to anser 
 for 't. It seemed to dew him a deal o' good to ketch 
 any o' the brethren or sisters a trippin'. A body 'd a 
 thought he spent the heft of his time a pryin' into 
 )ther folks' bizness, but some how or other he man- 
 aged to take care of his own tew ; he was a tailor by 
 frade, and a reg'lar old cabbagin' skinflint to boot. 
 That reminds me o' what Jo Snyder said to him once, 
 f ou see he was an awful stingy critter, and so was 
 Miss Whipple. The 'printicss used to complain dret- 
 .fully o' ther livin' said they was nigh about starved. 
 Well, Jo Snyder he stuck his head into the shop win- 
 der one day and says he (Jo was an independent crit- 
 ter), says he, " Deacon, how comes it yov. starve yei 
 'printices so, when you 're always so flush o' cabbage ?" 
 The deacon was awful mad. Says he to Jo, ' If you 
 was a, professor you 'd ketch it." He was a monstrous 
 \nean-fooHr*' man tew You 'd a know'd to see him in
 
 D3AC3N iVHIPPLE. 347 
 
 the street that he was a contracted critter had a stin- 
 gy kind of a walk went along as if he begrudged 
 the roorr he took up. The circumstance I was a 
 gwine to tell took place when he 'd ben deacon only 
 a little risin' tew year and it 's a sollem fact, ther 'd 
 ben more cases o' deseplyne in that short time than 
 '.her ever was afore sense the place was settled. Now 
 Deacon Bedott wa'n ? t such a man at all. He was 
 great on prayin' and exortin', but he dident meddle in 
 his Labors' consarns, nor think himself so much, picus- 
 er and better 'n all the rest o' creation. Well, the next 
 fall arter we come away from Wiggletown, husband 
 and me went out there a visitin'. You see Mother 
 Poole and Mother Magwire both lived there, and Sis- 
 icr Bedott tew y and I spent the time visitin' round 
 from one to t' other. Well, one evenin' I was to Sis- 
 ter Bedott's husband had gone over to Mother Ma- 
 gwire's. 'T was about a year afore Deacon Bedott 
 died, and he wa'n't very well you know he was fee- 
 ble a number o' years afore his death. Well, he and 
 Sister Silly and me was a settin' round the settin'-room 
 fire, and Artemishy Pike the Widder Pike's oldest 
 darter she was a specdin' the evenin' there. Arte- 
 mishy -was jest a tellin' us about Deacon Whipple's 
 eomin' to thair house the day afore to take Cinthy 
 (her youngest sister) to dew. 'cause he 'd heerd how 't 
 she 'tended a ball when she was over to'Yarmount a 
 visitin' ; and Artemishy was in an awful fidgit about
 
 348 WIDOW BEDOTT PAi'ERS, 
 
 it, for fear he 'd have her hauled up for 7 t, and she 
 wanted Deacon Bedott to try to prevent it. Well, she 
 was just a tellin' about it when ther come a knock to 
 the door. " Walk in," says Sister Bedott and who 
 should walk in but Deacon Whipple, with Deacon 
 Kenipe and Deacon Crosby on behind him ! " There/ 1 
 Bays I co Artemishy, " the Old One '3 always at hanf* 
 when you 're talkin' about him." " Hush I" says she 
 " Lawful sakes !" says I ; "I ain't afeard o' bein' haul- 
 ed up I don't live here." When they come in, Ar- 
 temishy looked half-skairt to death. She thought 
 they 'd come to talk about dealin' with Ciothy, but Sis- 
 ter Bedott whispered tew her, and says she, " Don't 
 be afeard ; I don't bleve it 's Cinthy. I guess more 
 likely it 's Sue Collins." ('T was the same time they 
 had her over the coals.) Whatever 't was, we all 
 know'd 't was purty important bizness, for Deacon 
 Whipple lookt wonderful big and awful sollem : his 
 face was about half a yard long. But though he tried 
 to appear as if he felt dretful bad, 't was plain to be 
 seen he was enjoyin' a state of intarnal satisfaction 
 lookt jest as he always did when he got hold of a case 
 that suited him to a T. But Deacon Kenipe and Dea- 
 con Crosby lookt as if they raly felt bad. (They wai, 
 very clever men indeed.) They dident say a word, but 
 Deacon Whipple he convarsed a spell about mattery 
 and things in gineral, said the weather was oncommon 
 fine for the season o' year, crops were wonderful
 
 DEACON 'WfllPPLE. 349 
 
 abundant, 'specially the apple crop thougu 'twas to 
 be lamented that any o' the good critters o' Providence 
 should be abused and turned to the ruination o' man 
 kind as apples was by bein' made into cider. Then 
 he went on to deplore the low state o' religion in the 
 place, axed us wimmin folks about the state of our 
 minds and so on, and then said they 'd come on pri- 
 vate bizness and would like to see Deacon Bedott 
 alone a spell. So we three wimmin got up and went 
 into the kitchen. " Now," says Sister Bedott, pays 
 she, " I feel as if I 'd like to know what they Ve come 
 for wouldent you?" "Yes," says we. "Well, 
 then," says Silly, " let 's go into the buttry and listen." 
 " Agreed," says we. So in we went. You see ther 
 was a passage between the settin'-room and the kitch- 
 en, and on one side o' this passage the buttry was sit- 
 tiwated ; and ther was a door leadin' from the buttry 
 into the settin'-room, and atop o' this door ther was an 
 awful wide crack, so 't a body could hear every word 
 that was said in the settin'-room there. Well, in we 
 goes, as still as mice. Artemishy and me we got up 
 on an old box and peeped through the crack, and Sis- 
 ter Bedott she put her ear to the keyhole. Deacon 
 Whipple had begun to talk afore we got fixed. The 
 first thing I heerd him say, says he, " It 's very on- 
 pleasant bizness, very indeed. I assure you it 's very 
 tryin' to my feelins to be necessiated to rebuke a bro 
 ther, but it seems to be an insurmour table duty in
 
 !$60 WIDOW BEDDTT PAPERS 
 
 fchis case. We 're all poor errin' critters ; the best on 
 iis is liable to go astray and fail in our duty. I 'm free 
 to confess that even /have my shortcomins " I guess 
 he had an attack on 't when he cut husband's panta- 
 loons; they was so short and so tight he had to give 
 'sm to Jeff" I have my shortcomins, and I feel to 
 mourn for 't ; I feel to lament that I 'm frequently 
 cold and slack in dewin' my duty don't keep such a 
 constant watch round the walls o' Zion as I 'd ought 
 tew. I feel as if it may be owin' to my onfaithfulness 
 Brother Bedott, that you Ve fell into the practice o' 
 
 such a hyneous offence ahem " "Gosh! "says 
 
 Deacon Bedott, says he (now Deacon Bedott never 
 used bad language in his life, but once in a while when 
 he was dretfully took by surprise he used to say 
 "gosh/") "Gosh," says he, "I want to know if you 
 was a meanin' me all this time ? Well, I 'd like to 
 know what I Ve ben a dewin' ?" "0 dear," says Sil- 
 ly, says she, " it 's husband, it 's husband I What \aa 
 he done what has he done?" "Don't make a fuss," 
 says I ; "they '11 heai you, and we shall have to clear 
 out." Deacon Bedott went on ; "I ain't aware o' bein' 
 in the practice of any known sin. If I Ve done 
 wrong in any way I 'm willin' to be told on 't, and I hopo 
 I sha'A take your rebuke as I 'd ought tew though as 
 I said afore I ain't aware o' bein' in the practice of 
 any hyneous , offense, as you call it." Says Deacon 
 Whipple, says he, with a rael provokin' grin, " I 'm
 
 DEACON HTHIPPLE. 351 
 
 raly soiry you 'ie so dull of apprehension, Brother Be- 
 dott. It 's truly laraentyble, when a brother, that 's ben 
 apparently a burnin' and shimn' light, turns out to be 
 euch agreevious transgressor when sinners round is in 
 such perishin' need o' havin' good examples sot afore 
 'em, to make 'em cast down the weapons o' rebellion. 
 / nd it 's still woss, when such a backslidin' brother is 
 reasoned with, to see him refuse to confess his faults 
 and repent of his sins and mend his ways." " Dew 
 tell me," says Deacon Bedott, says he, "what the sin 
 is, and if I Ve raly been guilty on 't, I'll repent, and 
 confess, and forsake it tew." " I' m sorry to see you 
 so obderret," says Deacion Whipple, says he. "You 
 know, Scripter says, if a brother is overtook in a fault, 
 the brother must go tew him and tell him on 't and 
 if he refuses to hear 'em, why, he must be dealt with 
 afore the congregation ; and I 'm afeard that 's what 
 you '?/ have to come tew, Brother Bedott, if you. hold 
 out so." " misery me!" says Silly, says she, " What 
 has that man ben a dewinl what has he ben a dewin ! 
 O dear me ! what an onfortunit woman I be I" " Sil- 
 ly," says I, " why can't you shet yer head? Take 
 my word for 't, he hain't done nothin' it '11 turn out, 
 to be jest nothin' at all, I '11 bet a goose, so dew be 
 easy." Well, arter Deacon Whipple had gone on so 
 for ever so long, Deacon Bedott got clear out o' 
 patience, and says he, "Fcr massy 's sa^e, what is it? 
 Brother Kenipe, Brother Crosby, dew tell me whal
 
 352 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 'tis." " I 'd rather not," says Deacon Kenipe, pays ho, 
 'Brother Whipple begun, and he ought to finish,' 1 
 "I say so tew," says Deacon Crosby. "Why," says 
 Deaco.1 Whipple, <( it's curus that Brother Bedott 
 should be so onwillin' to own up, without my comin' 
 right out." " 01 dear me, suz!" says Sister Bedott, 
 "that he should be a cuttin' capers, and me never sus 
 pect him on't! Melissy, I shall die f I shall die!' 
 and she begun wringin' her hands like mad. " You 
 simple critter," says I, " dew save yer highsteerics till 
 there 's occasion for 'em ; dew keep still, they '11 hear 
 you, sartin sure, and if they should ketch us a listening 
 't would ruin all our three repertations." On account 
 o' Silly's interruption, we lost what Deacon Whipple 
 said next and the first thing we heerd arter she got 
 quiet agin, was Deacon Bedott sayin' " It 's curus you 
 should be so willin' to believe such "a story about me, 
 when you Ve know'd me some years, and hain't never 
 heerd nothin' o' the kind till now." "I for one wa'n't 
 willin' to believe it," says Deacon Kenipe; "nor I 
 nother," says Deacon Crosby, says he. " Now, ther 
 ain't no use in denyin' on 't, Brother Bedott," says 
 Deacon Whipple, says he " A few years ago, 't wa'n't 
 thought to be no great crime, to take a glass o' sperrits 
 now and then ; ther wa'n't so much light on the sub- 
 ject as ther is now in these ere temperance days ; but, 
 even then, 'twas eny most an onheerd-of thing foi 
 any body, to git intosticated on cider as you 're in a
 
 DEACOK WHIFFLE. 353 
 
 habit o' dewin' now against light and privelidge and 
 you a deacon tew a man that makes such higt pre- 
 tensions Brother Bedott I it 's a hyneous and a 
 cryin' sin." "Consarn it!" says Deacon Bedott ; says 
 he, " dew stop a minnit and let one speak; I want to 
 know, who said I was in a habit o' takin' tew much." 
 "Whoever 'twas," says Silly, says she, "they lied, 
 and they know'd it, and I '11 tell Deacon Whipple so 
 lemme come, Melissy." (It always made Silly awful 
 mad to have any body else run the deacon down, 
 though she used to give it tew him herself, like the 
 dragon sometimes.) " Woman alive," says I, " what 
 be you dewin ! you shan't go out there you '11 jest 
 spile the hull and we shan't hear another word 
 it '11 be time enough for you to put in bymeby." She 
 made such a noise, they 'd a heerd her, if they hadent 
 a got to talkin' purty loud themselves. Well, she got 
 still ; and the next thing I heerd was Deacon Kenipe 
 sayin', says he, " Brother Whipple, dew come to the 
 pint ; dew tell Brother Bedott, who 't was and don't 
 hurt his feelins any more 'n you can help." " Well, 
 then," says Deacon Whipple, says he, "'twas yer 
 brother-in-law, Mr. Magwire." "Gracious sakes 
 alive I" says Deacon Bedctt, says he, "did Josh say 
 that abcut me ? What on arth did the critter mean ?" 
 ''He meant what he said, I s'pose," says Deacon 
 Whipple, 4l that you 're in a habit o' gittin' corned on 
 Says Deacon Bedott, says he, "Did Josh say
 
 354 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 he d actilly seen me drunk on cider?" "He tncani 
 so, ondoubtedly," says Deacon Whipple; "tho' tLern 
 wa'n't precisely the words he used; he called to my 
 shop to-day a purpose to tell me on't, said 'twas 
 awful tryin' to his feelins, to be obleeged to expose 
 you, not only on account o' your bein' a connection o 
 hisen, but 'cause he raly thought you was a worthy 
 man in the main; 'but,' says he, 'I dew feel as if I 
 couldent leave Wiggletown with a clear conshence, 
 without tellin' you that I Ve actilly know'd iDeacon 
 Bedott to be the woss for cider ! as true as my name's 
 Joshuway Magwire, I Ve seen that man half shaved 
 on cider afore breakfast in the morninV Now, though 
 I hain't no very high opinion o' Mr. Magwire, bein' 
 he 's a worldly man, and don't know nothin' about 
 experimental religion, I dew b'leve, he wouldent tell 
 such a thing as that right out and out, if 't wa'n't 
 true, 'specially about his brother-in-law. I should a 
 went right over to Parson Potter about it, if he 'd ben 
 k> hum, but he 's gone a journey, you know. 0, how 
 that man will take it to heart, when he hears ther 's 
 such a wolf in sheep's clothin' in the midst o' his flock ! 
 So I goes over and tells Brother Kenipe and Brother 
 Crosby on 't. They was very onwillin ? to come over 
 with me to labor with you to-night. I 'm sorry to 
 Bay, they 're ginerally slack about dewin' their duty 
 in cases o' deseplyne the heft on 't comes on to me 
 and I 'm thankful I 'm always ready to lift a warnin
 
 DEACON WHIFFLE. 355 
 
 voice in sinaers' ears, and dew my endeever to reclaim 
 backsliders, and my exartions has been blest beyond 
 my most sanguinary expectations. I hain't expected 
 much help from you on account o' yer poor health ; 
 and I feel to rejoice now, that you hain't ben active 
 sence yo~i Ve turned out to be such a hyneous trans- 
 gressor 0, Brother Bedott ! if you 're half shaved on 
 cider afore breakfast, what must be yer condition afore 
 night! purty well upsot I should think." Deacon 
 Bedott dident say a word; he said afterward he 
 thought he 'd let Brother Whipple go on, and see how 
 much he tvould. v say After a minnit Beacon Whipple 
 begun agin' and says he, " Dew you still continue to 
 deny it?" Deacon Bedott never opened his head 
 " Well," says Deacon Whipple, says he, "silence gives 
 consent ; so, I s'pose you don't mean to hold out no 
 longer, and say 't ain't a fact. Well 't ain't tew late to 
 repent and reform yet. I hope you 11 make up yer 
 mind, to come forrard next Sabberday, and confess 
 yer besettin' sin afore the congregation ; and mabby 
 you 11 go to the temperance meetin' next Saturday 
 night, if you 'r able to git out, and give an account o' 
 yer experence in drinkin' reformed ineebrite does a 
 mense sight of good tellin' the partickler circum- 
 stances 'tendin' their downfall and reformation and, 
 [ should think your experence would have an atten- 
 dancy to be useful as a warnin' to moderit drinkers 
 by showin' on 'em what they Ve got to come tew, if
 
 356 WIDOW BEDGTT PAPERS. 
 
 they ain't nipt in the bud. If you don't consent tc 
 dew any or both o' these, why, we '11 have to deal w ith 
 you, that 's all. We don't want to expose you no 
 more 'n what 's necessary. I hain't said a word about 
 it to nobody, but jest my wife. What dew you say 
 to confession? laffin hey i" (You see, Deacon Bedott 
 begun to grin.) " 0, Brother Bedott. what a tremen- 
 juous sinner you be ! not only to refuse to confess yer 
 inickities, but laff at 'em 1 Dew you still continner 
 to deny it?" Jest then, husband bust into the room : 
 and Jo Snyder and Shubal Green and Mr. Smith and 
 Doctor Pike (Artemishy's brother), and Sam Collins 
 (Jue's brother) they'd followed the session to the 
 house, and ben a listenin' to the door ever sence. 
 Husband, he went straight up to Deacon Pedott and 
 shook his fist in his face, and says he, " Deny it if you 
 daret afore me ! dident I see you half shaved on 
 cider this very mornin' ? dident I empty the water out 
 o' yer shavin' cup onbeknown to nobody, while it waa 
 a heatin' ? and dident I fill it up with some o' Silly's 
 Bweet cider she 'd got to make sass on ? and was n't I 
 a settin' by when you took it off the stove? and 
 wasn't I a lookin' on, when you. had such a Iretful 
 time a tryin' to make yer lather ? and dident I see 
 you scrape and saw away at your face till the blood 
 run ? and dident I see you throw dcwn yer rarer at 
 last, and declare the old dragon was in iti and wacii'* 
 you jest about half shaved then? say I and oident I
 
 DEACON "WHIFFLE. 857 
 
 bust out a laffin then, and tell you 't was the fust time 
 I ever see you the woss for cider ? deny it, if you 
 darst." " I plead guilty," says Deacon Bedott, says 
 he. Then we wimmin folks bust out o' the buttry 
 into the settin 1 room ; and ther was such a gineral 
 roarin' and lafhn' OP I never heerd afore nor sence. 
 Deacon Kenipe and Dtacon Crosby got up and shook 
 hands with Deacon Bedott and axed his pardin' for 
 comin' over there to take him to dew and Deacon 
 Bedott, he told 'em, they wa'n't to blame at all and 
 Silly, she was so tickled ; she lafft one minnit, and 
 cried the next, and eny most went into highsteerics : 
 and Artemishy, she laffed, and Mr. Magwire and the 
 men folks they hollered ; and you never seen such a 
 time as ther was. Deacon Bedott was a very kind- 
 hearted mail, and he thought they was a most tew 
 hard on Deacon Whipple, so he turned round to apol 
 igize tr him, and lo and behold ! he ? d took advantage 
 o' the conrxotion and slipt out. But though Deacon 
 Bedott tried to look sober, and told husband 't was tew 
 bad to play off such a joke 't vas plain to be seen he 
 wa'n't sorry to see Deacon Whipple come up with. 
 Poor Deacon W hippie ! 't was a humblin' stroke tew 
 him every body was throwin' on 't in his face he 
 couldent go no wher, but what that cider was throw'd 
 in his face. And Miss Whipple tew she felt awful 
 mean about it you see she 'd ben all round the na- 
 boihooQ & ,'ellin' that Deacon Bedott was a drinkin
 
 358 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 man. But it cured Deacon Whipple of his oonsarn 
 for the welfare 6 1 Zion ; lie never made another com- 
 plaint aginst nobody while he lived there ; and about 
 six months afterward, he moved away from Wiggle- 
 town.
 
 XXIX. 
 
 gits, potato's JJerip far J0teto 
 
 - Jolin Darling, a worthy and intelligent me- 
 chanic, who has been, for two years past, a resi- 
 dent of our town, was somewhat surprised and consid- 
 erably gratified one day last fall, at receiving an invi- 
 tation to dine with Colonel Philpot, one of the aristoc- 
 racy. 
 
 Mr. Darling enjoys that respect in our community 
 which mechanical ingenuity and integrity united are 
 always sure to command every where. These quali- 
 ties, and a more than ordinary degree of information, 
 acquired by the employment of much of his leisure 
 time in reading, have given him an almost unbounded 
 influence among his own class. 
 
 Though the invitation to Colonel P.'s created some 
 surprise in his mind, he felt more disposed to be pleas- 
 ed at the honor than to question the motives which 
 prompted it ; for his nature is wholly free from sus- 
 picion and the petty feeling of jealousy which those in 
 his station sometimes indulge toward the "upper ten *'
 
 360 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 feelings with which, we are sorry to say, the bosom 
 of his better half was frequently agitated. 
 
 " We have been neighbors for some time, Mi. Dar- 
 ling," said Colonel Philpot ; " it is time we were better 
 acquainted. You must come and dine socially with 
 me to-morrow. Mrs. Philpot and the children are out 
 of town, and I am going to have a few friends to en- 
 liven my solitude." 
 
 So John Darling " saved his appetite," dressed him- 
 self in his best clothes, and, at the appointed hour a 
 somewhat later one than his customary time for dining 
 repaired to Colonel Philpot's. 
 
 He met there several of his associates had a " fine 
 lime and a grand dinner " the utmost hilarity and 
 good feeling prevailed ; and Mr. Darling entertained 
 his wife with an account of it at every meal for sever- 
 al weeks. 
 
 " Hester," said he one day, as they were seated at a 
 codfish dinner, "did you ever taste a potato pud- 
 ding?" 
 
 "Potato pudding! No; I never heerd of such a 
 .thing." 
 
 " Well, I wish you could, for 't is delicious I We 
 had one when I dined at Colonel Philpot's." 
 
 " I wonder what you did n't have at Colonel Phil- 
 pot's," said Mrs. Darling. " I declare, I 'm tired hear- 
 ing about it." 
 
 " Well, I '11 tell you one thing we did n't have we
 
 RECIPE FOE POTATO PUDDING. 361 
 
 did n't have codfish. But, that pudding I wish you'd 
 learn how to make it ; it was superb !" 
 
 <: I presume so ; and T guess, if I had half a dozen 
 seivants at my heels, and a thorough-trained cook into 
 the bargain, I could have things superb, too. But, as 
 long as I have every thing to do myself, and very 
 little to do with, I don't see how I 'm to get up things 
 in style. I wonder you can expect me to." 
 
 " I don't expect you to, Hester. You always do 
 tilings to suit my taste. But that pudding was excel- 
 lent; and, being made of potatoes, I thought, of course 
 it must be economical, and " 
 
 "Economical! That 's all you know about it. 
 What gumps men are ! I '11 warrant it had forty dif 
 ferent things in it, and less potatoes than any thing 
 else. I 'm no hand to fuss up. I like plain cookery, 
 for my part." 
 
 " So do I, as a general thing. But then, you know, 
 it 's well to have something a little better than ordina- 
 ry once in a while." 
 
 " Well, if you 're not satisfied with my way of 
 doing things, you must hire a cook, or go and board 
 out." And Mrs. Darling put on her injured look, and 
 remained silent during the rest of the dinner. 
 
 But, after all, she was not an ill-natured woman 
 
 really ; and, after her husband had gone to his shop, 
 
 she began to feal a little pricked in her conscience for 
 
 having been so cross at dinner. She wished she had 
 
 16
 
 362 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 not gone on at such a rate. But, then, John had bored 
 her so about that dinner at Colonel Philpot's, she was 
 out of patience with it. Yet whax right had she to be 
 out of patience with John? Be never was out of pa- 
 tience with her, and she could but acknowledge that 
 he often had reason to be so. So she resolved to make 
 it up as soon as possible. 
 
 " John," said she, as she handed him a cup of tea, 
 " I Ve a great notion to try that potato pudding. I 
 believe I could make one." 
 
 ' No doubt of it, Hester," said her husband ; " you 
 ,jan do almost any thing you try to." 
 
 " I suppose it takes butter, and sugar, and eggs, and 
 spices, and so forth ; but I wish I knew the propor- 
 tions." 
 
 " It 's very easy to find out all about it by calling at 
 Colonel Philpot's. He said his wife would be delight- 
 ed to get acquainted with you." 
 
 "So you've told me a dozen times; but I think 
 that, if she wanted to get acquainted with me, she 
 might call upon me. She 's lived here longer than I 
 have, and it is n't my place to call first ; and I don't 
 believe the colonel tells the truth when he says she 
 wants to get acquainted with me." 
 
 " Well, I always think people mean as they say, 
 and I wish you would, too, Hester." 
 
 " But it 's very evident that she holds herself a great 
 deal above me. She has no reason to, certainly, for
 
 RECIFE FOE POTATO PUDDING. 363 
 
 her family was n't half as respectable as mine. Mrs. 
 David Potter knows all about them, root and branch, 
 and she says that Mrs. Philpot's father kept a very low 
 tavern in Norridge, and Mrs. Philpot herself tended 
 the bar when she was a girl. But, somehow, Colonel 
 Philpot happened to fall in love with her, and he sent 
 b^r away to school, and then married her." 
 
 " Well, that 's nothing against her, is it ?" 
 
 " No, of course it would n't be, if she did n't carry 
 her head so high now. But it 's always the way with 
 such persons they never know how to bear prosper- 
 ity. There would n't be any thing said about her ori- 
 gin, if she did n't put on such airs ; but, as long as 
 she feels so lifted up, folks will talk you know." 
 
 " Perhaps you don't do her justice, Hester. You 
 know nothing about her excepting what you Ve heard. 
 At any rate, it would do no harm to call upon her." 
 
 After repeated conversations and discussions of thia 
 sort, Mrs. Darling concluded to pay Mrs. Philpot a 
 visit. She could make the potato pudding an excuse, 
 and be governed by Mrs. P.'s reception in regard to 
 further intercourse. Mrs. Philpot has been, for sever- 
 al /ears 1 past, to use her own expression, " very unfor- 
 tunate in her domestics," With the exception of her 
 cook up to the time of Mrs. Darling's call- she had 
 seldom kept one above a month, and sometimes not as 
 long as that. This frequent change of servants was 
 not so much owing to any unkindness on Mrs. Phil
 
 364 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 pot's part, as to the fact that Mrs. Mudlaw, her cook, 
 could never agree with them. This functionary had 
 been, for several years, a fixture in Colonel P.'s estab- 
 lishment ; indeed, Mrs. P. declared she could not pos- 
 sibly get along without her. Mrs. Mudlaw was in 
 fact, a good cook, and so entirely relieved that lady 
 from all care in that department that, rather than part 
 with her, she was willing to submit to her petty tyr- 
 anny in everything. The cook actually " ruled the 
 roast " at Colonel P.'s in more than one sense. And 
 she did not often find the subalterns of the house- 
 hold as submissive to her wishes as Mrs. Philpot her- 
 self was. She contrived to quarrel them away in a 
 short time, for she had only to say to Mrs. P., " Well, 
 either Bridget or I must quit, so you may take your 
 choice ;" and the offending servant-maid ^as dismissed 
 forthwith, there being no appeal from Mrs. Mudlaw's 
 decision. 
 
 A scene of this kind had just occurred when Mrs. 
 Darling made her visit, and a new raw Irish gnl had 
 that morning been installed in place of the one dis- 
 charged. The duty of this girl was to answer the 
 door-bell, and help Mrs. Mudlaw. In fact, the hard- 
 est and most disagreeable of the kitehen-work came 
 upon her. When Mrs. Darling rang, Mrs. Philpot 
 was in the kitchen giving instructions to Peggy, or 
 rather acquiescing in those which Mrs. Mudlaw was 
 laying down.
 
 EECIPE FOR POTATO PUDDING. 366 
 
 ''There goes the bell," said that important person- 
 age, and Mrs. Philpot hastened to an upper window to 
 ree who it was, Having satisfied herself, she came 
 back and told Peggy to go and admit the lady. 
 
 " Why don't you start, you?" said Mrs. Mudlaw. 
 
 " Well, what '11 1 do now ?" said Peggy, whirling 
 round in that bewildered way peculiar to Irish girls. 
 
 " Do !" roared Mudlaw. " Don't you know nothin'? 
 Hain't we jest been tellin' ye 't was your duty to tend 
 to the door-bell ? Run to the front door and let 'em 
 in, and show 'em into the drawin'-room. You know 
 vrhere that is, don't you ?" 
 
 " Faith, I know that," answered Peggy, and away 
 she rar^ thanking her stars that there was at least one 
 thing that she knew. 
 
 " It 's no one that I know, I 'm sure," said Mrs. 
 Philpot, after Peggy had gone ; " at least the bonnet 
 and shawl are not familiar to me. I presume it is 
 somebody I don't care about seeing." 
 
 "I should n't wonder," said Mudlaw. "But 1 
 s'pose you could n't do otherways, as the curnel has 
 given orders that nobody ain't to be refused till after 
 'lection? 
 
 With much confusion and toe-stubblirig, the unfor- 
 tunate Peggy ushered Mrs. Darling into the nursery, 
 which was also Mrs. Philpot's ordinary sitting-r<>om. 
 It was directly over the kitchen, and heated by the 
 cooking stove by the means of a drum, or dummy, as
 
 866 WIDOW BETiOTT PAPERS. 
 
 Mrs. Mudlaw called it. Every word that was said in 
 the kitchen could easily be heard in the nursery 
 quite a convenience to Mudlaw, as it enabled her often 
 to communicate with Mrs. Philpot without the trouble 
 of going up stairs. Many an interesting account of 
 what she did when Mr. Mudlaw was living, and hov 7 
 they managed at General K.'s when she was staying 
 there, has gone up that stove-pipe. 
 
 The nursery was in a state of the greatest disorder, 
 as was usually the case, though the children were all 
 out just then, Sukey the nurse-girl, had taken the 
 baby out to ride, and Philip Augustus had gone with 
 them ; and Zoe Matilda was at school. Playthings of 
 every description, carts, horses, dolls, as well as chil 
 dren's books and clothes, were scattered about the room 
 in what Mrs. Darling called " awful confusion." But 
 3he had not time for inward comments upon this state 
 of things, before her attention was called to the con 
 versation below. 
 
 "It's Mrs. Darling as wushes to see you mum." 
 said Peggy. 
 
 " That Mrs. Darling ! Did you ever !" exclaimed 
 Mrs. Philpot. 
 
 " She ain't nobody, is she?'' said Mrs. Mudlaw. 
 
 "Nobody at all. Her husband is a cabinet-maker 
 but the colonel has charged it upon rae to be polite to 
 her jest now. He wished me to call upon her ; but 1 
 would n't condescend to stoop so low as that, though
 
 RECIFE FOB POTATO PUDDING. 367 
 
 ae made me promise to treat her with attention if she 
 called." 
 
 " Well, I wouldent do it, if I was you," said the 
 cook. " I 'd be mistress in my own house any how." 
 
 "But, yon know, it's for his interest now. He 
 aays that Darling has a great deal of influence among 
 mechanics can command a good many votes." 
 
 " Oh, I remember now ! he 's one of them codgers 
 that dined here while you was away, that the curnel 
 was a laughin' about afterward, and telling you how 
 awkward they handled the silver forks." 
 
 " Yes ; is n't it provoking to have to be polite to 
 such people ? Well, I shall be glad when 'lection 's 
 over, for the colonel says I may cut them all then, 
 and I think it won'; be long before they sink back to 
 their own level." And Mrs. Philpot arose with a sigh, 
 and ascended to the drawing-room, arranging her 
 features into a gracious and patronizing expression as 
 she went. 
 
 Mrs. Darling's feelings during this conversation 
 " can 1x3 better imagined than described," as the novels 
 would jay. Her first impulse was to leave the house 
 withor.t waiting for Mrs. Philpot's appearance, and she 
 rose a ad made a few steps with that intention; but, 
 on sf. 3ond thoughts, she resolved to remain, and let 
 her know that she only came on an errand, and re- 
 sumed her seat. 
 
 When Mrs. Philpot found no one in the drawing-
 
 868 WIDOW BEl/OTT PAPERS. 
 
 room she returned to the kitchen, supposing that her 
 visitor had gone. 
 
 " She 's gone," said she, " without waiting for me. 
 She does n't know enough about good society to un- 
 . derstand that a lady does n't make her appearance the 
 moment she 's called for." 
 
 " I should n't wonder if she was in the nursery all 
 the time," said Mudlaw; "for I heard a stepping up 
 there a while ago, and the children hain't got homo 
 yet. Where did you take her to, you ?" 
 
 " Why, I tuck her in the dhrawin'-room, sure, as 
 you tould me, right overbid," said Peggy, in some 
 alarm. 
 
 " You blun'derin' Irish gumphead ! Don't yon 
 know the drawin' room from the nursery ?" 
 
 " Och I but I thought it was the dhrawin'-room ; 
 for dident I see the young masther a dhrawin' his cart, 
 and was n't Shukey a dhrawin' the baby about the 
 floore by its feet, when I went up to take the wather 
 this mornin' ?" 
 
 " There, I told you she was a born fool !" said Mud- 
 law, in a rage. " She '11 never know nothing she '11 
 never learn nothing you may as well send her off 
 first as last." 
 
 " Hush I don't spealr so loud," said Mrs. Philpot, in 
 a whisper. " She can hear all you say she has heard 
 enough already. Dear me, what shall I do? The 
 colonel will be so provoked ' How could you be so
 
 RECIPE FOR POTATO PUDDING. 69 
 
 dumb, Peggy ? Run right up and take her into the 
 diawing-room. Stop \ you needn't; you will make 
 some other mistake. I '11 go myself." 
 
 In a state of mind not to be envied, Mrs. Philpc t 
 hastened to the nursery. But -as she entertained a 
 faint hope that the conversation below, had not pene 
 trated through Mrs. Darling's bonnet, she endeavored 
 to hide her embarrassment under an affable smile, ex- 
 tended her hand gracefully, and drawled out a genteel 
 welcome to her visitor. 
 
 "Delighted to see you, Mrs. Darling; but very 
 sorry you should have been brought into the nursery' 1 
 no wonder she's sorry, thought Mrs. Darling 
 " these raw Irish girls are so stupid ! Walk into the 
 parlor, if you please." 
 
 " No, I thank you, Mrs. Philpot, I 'd as soon sit 
 iere," returned Mrs. Darling. "I can only stay a 
 moment I called to ask for a recipe for potato pud- 
 ding. Mr. Darling tasted one when he dined with 
 Colonel Philpot, and liked it so much that he wished 
 me to get directions for making it." 
 
 " Potato pudding? Ah, yes, I recollect- Mudlaw, 
 my cook, does make a very good plain thing that she 
 calls d potato pudding ; but I know nothing about her 
 manner of preparing it. I will call her, however, and 
 she shall tell you herself.'" Thereupon she pulled the 
 bell, and Peggy,, shortly appeared, looking more- 
 frightened and bewildered than ever. 
 16*
 
 370 7TIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 " Send Mudlaw here," said Mrs. Pliilpot 
 
 She would not have dared to address her " chief 
 cook and bottle-washer" without the respectful title of 
 \irs. ; but it was rather more grand to omit it, and she 
 always did so when not in her hearing. 
 
 "The missus said I was to send you there," sai.l 
 Peggy. 
 
 " You send me!" exclaimed the indignant cook. 
 "I guess when I go for your sending, it '11 be after 
 this." 
 
 Mrs. Philpot, although conversing in a condescend 
 ing manner with Mrs. Darling, caught something of the 
 cook's reply to her summons, and asked to be excused 
 for a moment, saying that Peggy was so stupid, she 
 feared that Mudlaw might not understand her, and 
 she would go herself and send her. So she hastened 
 down to the kitchen, where she found the head func- 
 tionary standing on her dignity. 
 
 "Pretty well," said she, "if I am to be ordered 
 lound by an Irish scullion !" 
 
 " Mrs. Mudlaw, step here a moment, if you please," 
 Baid Mrs. Philpot meekly, opening the door of an ad 
 joining room. 
 
 The offended lady vouchsafed to comply with the 
 request, and with a stern aspect, entered the room 
 with Mrs. Philpot. The latter closed the door for fear 
 of being heard overhead, and began 
 
 "What do you think, Mrs. Mudlaw? That Mrs
 
 RECIPE FOR POTATO PUDDING. 371 
 
 Dailing has come to learn how to make potato pud- 
 ding, and you '11 have to go up and tell her." 
 
 " I sha'n't do it I make it a point never to give 
 my recipes to nobody." 
 
 "I know it; and, I'm sure I don't blame you, 
 But, in this case -just now I really don't see how 
 we can refuse." 
 
 " Well, I sha'n't do it, and that 's the hull on V 1 
 
 " Oh, do, Mrs. Mudlaw, just this once. The colo- 
 nel is so anxious to secure Darling, and he will be so 
 angry if we offend them in any way." 
 
 " But he needent know it, need he?" 
 
 " He certainly will find it out by some means. I 
 know it is real vexatious to you, and I would n't ask 
 it if election was over ; and now 't is very important 
 it may save us all trouble. The colonel is so de- 
 cided you know." 
 
 These last words of Mrs. Philpot had an effect 
 upon Mudlaw which no wish or entreaty of that lady 
 would have ever produced, for they suggested to her 
 selfish mind the possibility of a dismissal from her 
 snug birth at Colonel P.'s, where she carried it with a 
 high hand; so she gave in. 
 
 " Well, jest to please you and the curnel, 1 11 do it ; 
 but I wish 'lection was over." 
 
 Mrs. Philpot returned to the nursery, and Mra 
 Mudlaw took off her apron, changed her cap for one 
 trimmed with pink ribbons and blue roses, gave DU
 
 372 WIDOW BEDOTT. PAPERS. 
 
 m&rcus orders to Peggy and followed. She "was a 
 short, fat woman, with a broad red face such a per 
 eon as a stranger would call the very personification 
 of good nature ; though I have never found fat people 
 to be any more amiable than lean ones. Certainly, 
 Mrs. Mudlaw was not a very sweet tempered woman 
 On this occasion, she felt rather more cross than usual, 
 forced, as she was, to give one of her recipes to a no- 
 body. She, however, knew the necessity of assuming 
 a pleasant demeanor at that time, and accordingly en- 
 tered the nursery with an encouraging grin on her 
 blazing countenance. Mrs. Philpot, fearing lest her 
 cook's familiarity might belittle her roistress in the 
 eyes of Mrs. Darling, and again asking to be excused 
 for a short time, went into the library, a nondescript 
 appartment, dignified by that name, which communi- 
 cated with the nursery. The moment she left her seat, 
 a large rocking-chair, Mudlaw dumped herself down 
 it, exclaiming 
 
 " Miss Philpot says you want to get my recipe for 
 potater puddin' ?" 
 
 " Yes," replied Mrs. Darling. " I would be obliged 
 to you for the directions." And she took out of her 
 pocket a pencil and paper to write it down. 
 
 "Well, 'tis an excellent puddin'," said Mudlaw 
 complacently ; " for my part, I like it about as well as 
 any puddin' I make, and that 's sayin' a good deal, 1 
 win tell you, for I understand makin' a great varietv
 
 RECIFE FOR POTATO PUDDING. 373 
 
 T ain't so awful rich as some, to be sure. Now. 
 there 's the Cardinelle puddin', and the Washington 
 puddin', and the Lay Fayette puddin', and the " 
 
 "Yes. Mr. Darling liked it very much how do 
 you make it ?" 
 
 " Wai, I peel my potaters and bile 'em in fair water. 
 I always let the water bile before I put 'em in. Some 
 folks let their potaters lie and sog in the water ever so 
 long, before it biles ; but I think it spiles 'em. I al- 
 ways make it a pint to have the water bile " 
 
 " How many potatoes ?" 
 
 " Wai, I always take about as many potaters as I 
 think I shall want. I 'm generally governed by the 
 size o' the puddin' I want to make. If it 's a large 
 puddin', why I take quite a number, but if it 's a small 
 one, why, then I don't take as many. As quick as 
 they 're done, I take 'em up and mash 'em as fine as I 
 can get 'em. I 'm ^always very partic'lar about that 
 some folks ain't ; they '11 let their potaters be full o' 
 lumps. / never do ; if there 's any thing I hate, it 's 
 lumps in potaters. I won't have 'em. Whether I 'm 
 mashin' potaters for puddin's or for vegetable use, 3 
 mash it till there ain't the size of a lump in it. If 1 
 can't git it fine without sifting, why I sift it. Once in 
 a while, when I 'm otherways engaged, I set the girl 
 to mashin' on 't. Wai, she '11 give it three or four 
 jams, and come along, ' Miss Mudlaw, is the potater 
 fine enough?' Jubiter Eammin! that's the time I
 
 374 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 come as near gittin mad as I ever allow myself to 
 come, for I make it a pint never to have lumps " 
 
 " Yes, I know it is very important. What next?" 
 
 " Wai, then I put in my butter ; in winter time I 
 melt it a little, not enough to make it ily, but jest so 's 
 to soften it." 
 
 " How much butter does it require ?" 
 
 " Wai I always take butter accordin' to the size of 
 the puddin' ; a large puddin' needs a good sized lump 
 o' butter, but not too much. And I 'm always partic'- 
 lar to have my butter fresh and sweet, Some folks 
 think it 's no matter what sort o' butter they use for 
 cookin', but / don't. Of all things, I do despise strong 
 frowy, rancid butter. For pity's sake have your but- 
 ter fresh." 
 
 " How much butter did you say ?" 
 
 " Wai, that depends, as I said before, on what sized 
 puddin' you want to make. And another thing that 
 regulates the quality of butter I use is the 'mount o' 
 cream I take. I always put in more or less cream ; 
 when I have abundance o' cream, I put in considerable 
 and when it 's scarce, why, I use more butter than I 
 otherways should. But you must be partic'lar not to 
 get in too much cream. There 's a great deal in hav 
 in' jest the right quantity ; and so 'tis with all the in- 
 grejiences. There ain't a better puddin' in the world 
 than a potato puddin', when it 's made right, but r t ain 't 
 every body that makes 'em right. I remember when
 
 RECIFE FOB POTATO PULLING. 875 
 
 I lived in Tuckertown, I was a visitin' to Squire Hum- 
 prey's one time I went in the first company in Tuck- 
 ertown dear me ! this is a changeable world. Wai, 
 they had what they called a potato puddin' for dinner, 
 Good land ! Of all the puddins ! I Ve often occur- 
 ed to that puddin' since, and wondered what the 
 Squire's wife was a thinkin' of when she made it. I 
 wa 'n t obleeged to do no such things in them days, 
 and dident know how to do any thing as well as I do 
 now. Necessity 's the mother of invention. Experi- 
 ence is the best teacher, after all " 
 
 " Do you sweeten it ?" 
 
 " Oh, yes, to be sure it needs sugar, the best o' 
 sugar, too ; not this wet, soggy, brown sugar. Some 
 folks never think o' usin' good sugar to cook with, but 
 for my part I won't have no other." 
 
 " How much sugar do you take ?" 
 
 " Wai, that depends altogether on whether you cal 
 collate to have sass for it some like sass, you know, 
 and then some agin don't. So, when I, calculate for 
 sass, I don't take BO much sugar ; and when I don t 
 calculate for sass, I make it sweet enough to eat with- 
 out sass. Pooi Mr. Mudlaw was a great hand for 
 puddin'sass. I always made it for him good, rich 
 eass too. I could afford to have things rich before he 
 was unfortinate in bizness." (Mudlaw went to State's 
 prison for horse-stealing.) " I like sass myself, too : 
 And the curnel and the children are all great snse
 
 876 WIDOW PEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 hands; and so I generally calculate for sass, (hough 
 Miss Philpot prefers the puddin' without sass, and per- 
 haps you 'c? prefer it without. If so you must put in 
 sugar accordingly. I always make it a pint to have 
 'em sweet enough when they're to be eat without 
 
 "And don't you use eggs?" 
 
 "Certainly, eggs is one o' the principal mgreji- 
 ences." 
 
 " How many does it require ?" 
 
 "Wai, when eggs is plenty, I always use plenty; 
 and when they 're scarce, why I can do with less, 
 though I 'd ruther have enough ; and be sure and beat 
 'em well. It does distress me, the way some folks 
 beat eggs. I always want to have 'em thoroughly 
 beat for every thing I use 'em in. It tries my patience 
 most awfully to have any body round me that wcn't 
 beat eggs enough. A spell ago we had a darkey to 
 help in the kitchen. One day I was a makin' sponge 
 cake, and havin' occasion to go up stairs after some- 
 thing, I sot her to beatin' the eggs. Wai, what do 
 you think the critter done ? Why, she whisked 'em 
 round a few times, and turned 'em right onto the 
 other ingrejiences that I 'd got weighed out. When I 
 come back and saw what she 'd done, my gracious ! I 
 came as nigh to losin' my temper as I ever allow my- 
 self to come. 'T was awful provokin'l I always 
 want the kitchen help to do things as I want to have
 
 RECIPE FOR POTATO PUDDING. 377 
 
 'em done. But I never saw a darkey yet that ever 
 done any thing right. They're a lazy slaughterin' 
 set. To think o' her spiiin' that cake so, when I 'd 
 tcld her over and over agin that I always made it a 
 pint tc have ray eggs thoroughly beat !" 
 
 " Yes. it was too bad. Do you use fruit in the pud- 
 ding?" ' 
 
 " Wai, that 's jest as you please. You 'd better be 
 governed by your own judgment as to that. Some 
 like currants and some like raisins, and then agin some 
 don't like nary one. If you use raisins, for pity's . 
 sake pick out the stuns. It 's awful to have a body's 
 teeth come grindin' onto a raisin stun. I 'd rather 
 have my ears boxt any time." 
 
 " How many raisins must I take ?" 
 
 " Wai not too many it 's apt to make the puddin' 
 heavy, you know ; and when it 's heavy it ain't so 
 light and good. I 'm a great hand " 
 
 " Yes, what do you use for flavoring ?" 
 
 " There agin you '11 have to exercise your own 
 judgment. Some likes one thing, and some another, 
 you know. If you go the whole figger on temperance, 
 why some other kind o' flavyrin' '11 do as well as wine 
 or brandy, I s'pose. But whatever you make up your 
 mind to use, be partic'lar to git in a sufficiency, or 
 else your puddin' '11 be flat I always make it a 
 pint " 
 
 " How long must it bake ?'
 
 878 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 " There 's the great thing after all. The bakin's the 
 main pint. A potater pudding }f all puddins, has got 
 to be baked jest right. For if it bakes a leetle too 
 much, it 's apt to dry it up ; and then agin if it don't 
 bake quite enough, it's sure to taste potatery and 
 that spiles it, you know." 
 
 " How long should you think ?" 
 
 " Wai, that depends a good deal on the heat o' your 
 oven. If you have a very hot oven, 't won't do to 
 leave it in too long ; and if your oven ain't so very- 
 hot, why, you '11 be necessiated to leave it in longer." 
 
 " Well, how can I tell any thing about it?" 
 
 " Well, I always let them bake till I tnink they 're 
 done that 's the safest way. I make it a pint to have 
 'em baked exactly right. It 's very important in all 
 kinds o' bakin' cake, pies, bread, puddins, and 
 every thing to have 'em baked precisely long enough 
 and jest right. Some folks don't seem to have no sys- 
 tem at all about their bakin'. One time they '11 burn 
 their bread to a crisp, and then agin it '11 be so slack 
 't aia't fit to eat. Nothin' hurts my feelins so much 
 as to see things overdone or slack-baked. Here only 
 t'other day, Lorry, the girl that Miss Philpot dis- 
 missed yesterday, come within an ace o' letting ray 
 bread burn up. My back was turned for a minnit, 
 and what should she do but goto stufiin'* wood into the 
 stove at the awfullest late? If I hadent a found it 
 out jest when I did, my breai would a ben spilt aa
 
 RECIPE FOB POTATO PUDDING. 379 
 
 sure as I 'm a live woman. Jubiter Eammin I I was 
 about as n-ucli decomposed as I ever allow myself to 
 git 1 1 tcld Miss Philpot I wouldent stan' it no longer 
 one of us must quit eithe. Lorrv or me must 
 walk. ? ' 
 
 " So you. Ve no rule about baking this pudding ?" 
 
 " No rule !" said Mudlaw, with a lock of intense 
 surprise. 
 
 " Yes," said Mrs. Darling, " you seem to have no 
 ruie for any thing about it." 
 
 "No rule!" screamed the indignant cook, starting 
 up, while her red face grew ten times redder, and her 
 little black eyes snapped with rage. " No rules !" and 
 she planted herself in front of Mrs. Darling, erecting 
 her fleshy figure to its full hight of majestic dumpi- 
 ness, and extending the forefinger of her right hand 
 till it reachsd an alarming propinquity to that lady's 
 nose " No rules ! do you tell me I Ve no rules ! Me ! 
 that 's cooked in the first families for fifteen years, and 
 always gi'n satisfaction, to b_e told by such as you that 
 > hain't no rules !" 
 
 Tims far had Mudiaw proceeded, and I know not 
 to what length she would have " allowed herself" to 
 go had not the sudden entrance of Colonel Philpot 
 interrupted her He being a person of whom she 
 stood somewhat in awe, particularly "jest at this time," 
 she broke off in the midst of her tirade, and, casting a 
 \ook of ineffable disgust at Mrs. Darling, retreated to
 
 380 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 her own dominions to vent her fury upon poor Peggy 
 who had dene every thing wrong during her ab- 
 sence. 
 
 While Colonel Philpot was expressing his extreme 
 satisfaction at seeing Mrs. Darling, Mrs. Philpot 
 emerged from the library, where she had been shak- 
 ing in her shoes during the interview between that; 
 lady and Mudlaw. 
 
 " Matilda, my dear," said the colonel, " this is quite 
 an unexpected pleasure, for really Mrs. Darling, we 
 began to fear that you did not intend to cultivate 
 us." 
 
 "I did not come for that purpose," replied Mrs. Dar- 
 ling, who, now that she saw through Colonel Philpot, 
 despised him thoroughly, and was not afraid to let 
 him know it, notwithstanding he belonged to the aris- 
 tocracy of our town. -"I came on an errand, and 
 your cook has got very angry with rne for some reason, 
 I scarcely know what." 
 
 "Poor Mudlaw," said Mrs. Philpot, anxious t<? 
 screen her main stay from the colonel's displeasure, 
 yet feeling the necessity of some apology to Mrs. Dar 
 ling. "Poor Mudlaw ! I don't think she intended to 
 be rude." 
 
 "What ! has the cook been ruda t3 Mrs. Darling?' 
 nxclaimed Colonel Philpot. 
 
 "Not rude, exactly, dear; but you know she is so 
 sensitive about every thing connected with her depart
 
 RECIPE FOB POTATO PUDDING. 881 
 
 mcnt. and she fancied that Mis Darling called hei 
 skill into question, and became somewhat excited." 
 
 li Quite exciied, I should call it," said Mrs. D. with 
 a smile. 
 
 " And she has dared to treat Mrs. Darling rudely," 
 Haid Colonel P., apparently much agitated. " Shame- 
 ful ! disgraceful ! the wretch shall suffer for it ! To 
 think that a lady lika Mrs. Darling should be insulted 
 by a cook.! in my house, too!" 
 
 " And just before election, too ; it is a pity !" said 
 Mrs Darling quietly, as she rose, and wishing them 
 good-morning, departed, leaving Colonel Philpot lost 
 in astonishment. Her last remark rendered necessary 
 some explanation from Mrs. P. She was compelled 
 to repeat some part of the conversation that had taken 
 place in the kitchen, which, though softened down aa 
 tnuch as possible, was sufficient to rouse the colonel's 
 ndignation to the highest pitch, for he saw at once 
 that Darling was lost. He gave his silly wife a hearty 
 blowing up, but upon Mudlaw, his wrath fell heaviest. 
 No entreaties of her mistress could save her ; she wag 
 commanded to quit the premises, to troop forthwith 
 u for being rude to visitors." But Mudlaw knew well 
 enough the real reason of her dismissal, and when 
 she went forth in rage and sorrow, she found somo 
 consolation in spreading it far and wide, thereby mak- 
 ing Colonel Philpot very ridiculous in the eyes of the 
 community.
 
 382 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 "Well, I'm surprised, Hester," said John Darling, 
 after his wife had given him a circumstantial account 
 of her visit. " And I 'm right sorry, too, to have my 
 good opinion of a man knocked in the head so, for 1 
 did think well of Col. Philpot. I really believed we 
 could n't send a better man to Congress. But it won't 
 do. A man that can stoop to such conduct is n't fit 
 to go there. I can't vote for him, and my influence, 
 what little I have, must go against him. If he gete 
 there, it must be without any help from John Par- 
 ling." 
 
 Colonel Philpot did not go to Congress, and wl^st 
 made his defeat the more aggravating was the fact that 
 his opponent was elected by the small majority of 
 three votes. And so Colonel Philpot lost his slec- 
 tion ; and Mrs. Philpot lost her cook ; and Mr Darling 
 icst his esteem for Colonel Philpot, and all through 
 the over-politeness of the latter. 
 
 And was there nothing gained? Oh, yes; Mrs. 
 Darling gained something. Not much information in 
 regard to the potato pudding, certainly; but she 
 gained some knowledge of the internal arrangements 
 of Mrs. Philpot's household, which proved of great 
 service to her, for she confesses to John that she was 
 never so contented with her own home and her OWE 
 husband as she has been since she made that memora 
 ble call at Colonel Philpot's.
 
 XXX. 
 
 Calls ; 0r, $terg h0tf $attal 
 Jfriwfo. 
 
 ' f^ OOD morning, Miss Mary !" 
 
 " Good morning, Mrs. Shaw I" 
 
 " I 'm well aware that I don't owe any call here, 
 but I told Mr. Shaw that the morning was so fine, I 'd 
 just step in and see whether yu were all alivc ; for 
 really it seems an age since I saw any of you you : ve 
 not l^een at all neighborly of late." 
 
 " 1 know it, Mrs. Shaw, but you must excuae us, 
 for grandmother has been so feeble for some weeks 
 past that we have not been able to leave mother is 
 with her now and desires to be excused." 
 
 " Certainly ; she is very excusable. I was not 
 aware that your grandmother was sick I 'm excess- 
 ively sorry to hear it should assuredly have been 
 round to see her before had I been aware of her ill- 
 ness. I do think so much of your grandmother she 
 is certainly the sweetest old lady that I ever knew. I 
 tell Mr. Shaw she reminds me so much of my own 
 dear dead mother has the same dignified manner and 
 benevolent countenance that she had And her char
 
 884 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 actcr is very much like my mother's, too, always doing 
 good among the poor and sick. I regret excessively 
 that I was not aware of her illness should certainly 
 have been round, though my own health has been 
 very precarious in fact, it always is I go out very 
 little none at all excepting among my particular 
 friends. I do hope your grandma ']] be spared we 
 could n\ part with her any way there are so few like 
 her on earth and the poet says " Heaven is overflow- 
 ing." Ah I I see you have Dickens' last here I sup- 
 pose it 's excessively interesting." 
 
 " No I think it 's hardly worth reading." 
 ' Indeed ! well, of course I shall not read it if you 
 condemn It you are such an excellent judge of liter- 
 ature, and such a reader your own pro iuc dons, too, 
 are exquisite Mr. Shaw is perfectly charmed with 
 them. What a beauty your japon^ca is, I noticed it 
 last evening in passing. Ah ! that reminds me they 
 tell stories about you, Mary." 
 " Indeed ! what do Gity say about me, pray ?" 
 " O, they say you 're going to be married.'' 
 "The deuce I am! To whom ars they going to 
 marry me ?" 
 
 " My stars ! I protest you counterfeit astonish nent 
 to perfection. Of course the favored one is George 
 Carter and I assure you, Mary, you're quite the 
 envy of all the girls for snapping him up 30 soon after 
 his return from Europe."
 
 MORNING CALLS. S8t 
 
 * You surprise me Mrs. Shaw. I 've seen very lit- 
 tle of George Carter since he came home." 
 
 "Ah, do you think I shall believe you when ap- 
 pearances are so very strong against you ? Did n't I 
 see somebody's curly dog lying on somebody's piazza 
 last evening ?" 
 
 " And seeing a puppy outside oi the door, it waa 
 very natural for yaw to infer that there was another one 
 inside." 
 
 " Mary, what a creature you are ! You have 
 auch a ready wit. Mr. Shaw says he never knew 
 your equal in that respect he does admire wit in a 
 lady, excessively. But I '11 not detain you give my 
 love to your ma, and your grandma, too and tell her 
 how deeply interested I feel in her I do hope she 'il 
 recover. And do you and your ma come round and 
 see us as soon as you can. Serapheen and I think sc 
 much of seeing our friends your ma and you particu- 
 larly and we 're so lonely since Angeleen went to 
 New York." 
 
 " Have you heard from Angeleen lately ?" 
 
 "Yes, we received a letter yesterday. She says, 
 give my love to all the girls, but particularly to Mary 
 Barber. . Angel does think so much of you. (Misa 
 Barber bows.) She 's enjoying herself excessively 
 sees a great deal of company. You know how it i* 
 in the city, Mary you 've spent so much time there 
 17
 
 386 WIDOW BEDon PAPERS. 
 
 She says she dreads coming back to this dull place ex 
 cessively." 
 
 " Well then I hope she '11 snap up somebody in clie 
 city, and not be compelled to come back here." 
 
 " What a quiz you are, Mary ! but I must go give 
 my love to your ma, and do come round when you 
 can. Good morning." 
 
 " Good morning, Mrs. Shaw." 
 
 Her next call is at Dr. More's. 
 
 " Good morning, Caroline. Is your ma at home ?" 
 
 " She is. She 's engaged jest now in the kitchen, 
 but she '11 be in shortly." 
 
 " Now don't let me hinder you if your engaged 
 about any thing -just take me right in where you 're 
 at work." 
 
 "Well, then, walk into the sitting-room, if yon 
 please Charlotte and I are sewing there." 
 
 " Good morning, Charlotte ! Dress-making, eh ? Is 
 that for you or Caroline ?" 
 
 " For me but Caroline has one like it. Do you 
 think it pretty ?" 
 
 "I do 50. Those large plaids are excessively be- 
 coming to a tall slender person like you and Caroline 
 but Mary Barber looks wretchedly in them she 's 
 so short and so thick. I was just in there she had 
 on a plaid, the squares, without exaggeration, as largo 
 as my two hands it was blue, too, and you know 
 she is so dark."
 
 CALLS. 887 
 
 " I should think it would be unbecoming to her 
 out Mary cares very little for dress, I think." 
 
 " She does so an unpardonable fault in a young 
 lady, in my opinion. Mr. Shaw thinks a young lady 
 should be always neatly and becomingly dressed. He 
 was speaking of it the other day, and contrasting your 
 two girls with Mary Barber. ' But,' said he, ' Mary 
 might be ever so well dressed and she would n't look 
 any how with such a form as she has.' You were 
 passing our house at the time said he, * there 's a 
 couple of the finest forms in Greenville.' Mr. Shaw 
 does admire a fine form in a lady excessively. But 
 Mary 's so busy writing those nonsensical stories and 
 stuff that she has no time to think of her personal ap- 
 pearance. Did you ever read any thing so flat? 
 What a pity that she so mistakes her talent. Mr. 
 Shaw laughs about it he does dislike a blue stocking 
 excessively. And, Caroline, don't you think Mary ia 
 very unrefined in her conversation ?" 
 
 " I think she 's rather abrupt, sometimes." 
 
 " Abrupt ! my stars ! I tell Mr. Shaw that what she 
 intends for wit, I call essential vulgarity ; and Mr. 
 Shaw agrees with me he does dislike such things in 
 a young lady, excessively. I think she 's rather cen- 
 sorious too for instance she pronounced George Car- 
 ter a puppy at which I confess I am astonished." 
 
 " Well, I 'm astonished too for I think George Car- 
 ver a fine fellow."
 
 388 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 "He is so, Charlotte. Serapheen thinks him deci 
 dedly elegant ; and you know she 's competent to give 
 an opinion having passed two winters in New York, 
 where she paw a great deal of gentlemen's society. I 
 was excessively sorry to hear Mary speak so ; but 1 
 hope you won't repeat it ; at least don't mention it as 
 coming from me. I merely alluded to it because I 
 felt so indignant at the remark." 
 
 "Good morning, Mrs. Shaw." 
 
 " Good morning, Mrs. More ; how 's your health?" 
 
 " Very good, indeed are you well, Mrs. Shaw ?" 
 
 "Oh. no, Mrs. More. I'm miserable; indeed I 
 ought to be at home and in bed now ; but I told Mr. 
 Shaw that the morning was so fine, I must come round 
 to see you. I don't pretend to call except upon my 
 particular friends. Mr. Shaw often tells me I make a 
 complete hermit of myself I hope I 'm not hindering 
 you this morning, Mrs. More." 
 
 "Oh, not at all you must excuse me for not com- 
 ing in sooner. I was just baking and could n't well 
 'eave my bread." 
 
 "Just so you 're very excusable you do your own 
 \\ ork, Mrs. More, I believe." 
 
 " Yes, our family is small only Dr. More and ue 
 three and since the girls were old enough to heljj 
 me, I Ve preferred doing without servants." 
 
 " Well now what ti grand thing that is I I tell 
 Mr Shaw T should be co delighted if I could get along
 
 MORNING CALLS. 389 
 
 without servants they are such a plague I but situated 
 as we are, it would be utterly impossible. The girls 
 are very industrious I Ve instructed them in that re- 
 spect but they are away so much ; our relatives in 
 the city insist upon having one of them there most of 
 the time ; and my health is so precarious that I can 
 do very little. And then, when the girls are at home, 
 they are necessarily so much occupied with their com- 
 pany and music. Your daughters are not musicians, 
 I believe, Mrs. More ?" 
 
 "No they have never shown any fondness for 
 music at least no decided talent for it ; and theii 
 father thought it would be a useless expense to have 
 them take lessons." 
 
 " It would so, Mrs. More Mr. Shaw and myself 
 would never have thought of such a thing as having 
 Angeleen and Serapheen learn music, if they had not 
 shown such an extraordinary talent for it, from their 
 very infancy. It 's utter nonsense for children to 
 study any thing they have n't a taste for, especially 
 music. I think you acted very judiciously." 
 
 " Have you heard from Angeleen, lately ?" 
 
 *' Yes, Caroline I had a letter from her yesterday. 
 She is passing her time very pleasantly at her uncle r s 
 but she says she does want to see her pa and ma and 
 sis, and you and Charlotte very much indeed. She 
 Bays, * give my love to all the girls, but particularly to 
 Caroline and Charlotte More.' Angel does think so
 
 390 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 much of her friends especially your two girls. See- 
 ing you making a sleeve, Charlotte, reminds me that 
 she speaks of the fashions. She says they 're wearing 
 that kind of sleeve now very much. Who cuts your 
 dresses, Lotty? they always fit beautifully." 
 
 " We cut them ourselves." 
 
 " My stars ! you amaze me 1 why Mrs. More, I won- 
 der if there 's any thing under the sun that yonr girls 
 can't do." 
 
 u Yes they can't play on the piano. I had them 
 learn to cut and fit of Miss Curtis, before she went 
 away and ever since they have made all our dresses." 
 
 " My stars ! If that is n't a grand idea. You are 
 such a capital manager, Mrs. More. Mr. Shaw often 
 remarks that Dr. More's family is a model for its ad- 
 mirable management and it is so. It seems to me I 
 should be the happiest woman in the world if I could 
 be independent of hired girls and mantua-makers. I 
 tell Mr. Shaw they 're the plague of my life. Oh, if 
 my girls could make their own dresses and have them 
 fit as exquisitely as Carry's and Lotty's do, I should be 
 90 rejoiced. How dreadfully Mary Barber's dresses 
 hang on her. By the way, Mrs. More, did you know 
 that old Mrs. Barber is quite sick?" 
 
 " Oh yes, she 's been sick some time." 
 
 " Is Dr. More her physician ?" 
 
 " No they employ Dr. Smith, I believe." 
 
 "My stars! you amaze me, Mrs. Morel that miser-
 
 MORNING CALL 8. 391 
 
 able homcepathipt ! Astonishing that people will be 
 such fools ! to think of their trusting her in his hands, 
 when there 's such a skillful physician as Dr. More 
 close by ; why I have n't the least confidence in th^t 
 kind of practice and Dr. More enjoys such a reputa- 
 tion too 1 Mr. Shaw says that if Dr. Billings had n't 
 been our family physician before Dr. More came here 
 he should certainly have employed Dr. More. How- 
 ever, Mrs. More, between you and me, I presume Dr. 
 More has escaped an undesirable job. I should think 
 old Mrs. Barber would be an excessively disagreeable 
 patient. She is so very repulsive v r hen she 's welL 
 Don't you think so ?" 
 
 " Well, I don't know ; she s rather reserved 
 though I like her." 
 
 " Eeserved ! my stars I she 's as cold as an icicle 
 I don't see how you can like her, especially when she 
 bas treated Dr. More so shabbily." 
 
 "I did feel rather hurt that they discharged Dr 
 More ; but they were urged by some of their friends 
 to try the homoeopathic system. It 's not from any 
 want of confidence in Dr. More they are very friend 
 ly to him and I dare say they '11 employ him again, 
 at some future time, if they 're not satisfied with Dr. 
 Smith's practice." 
 
 " Well, I hope that Dr. More will decline attending 
 them ; he certainly ought to do so. I went in there 
 this morning from a sense of duty. I never call upon
 
 392 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 any but my particular friends, excepc in case of mok 
 ness , and the Barbers are such a queer family. I 
 never knew what to make of them. But I must go ; 
 I always stay so long when I come here. I tell Mr 
 Shaw I never know when to get away from Dr. 
 M ore's. I do think so much of your family. Now 
 do come round Mrs. More ; you never come and the 
 girls are not sociable at all ; do come. Seraph and I 
 are so lonely, etc. etc." (Imagine the rest). 
 
 She next proceeds to Dr. Smith's. 
 
 tf Good morning, Mrs. Smith." 
 
 "Good morning, Mrs. Shaw; you look fatigued; 
 take tlib rocking-chair do." 
 
 " Thank you, Mrs. Smith, I will, for I am quite 
 weioy ; have made several calls this morning : calls 
 are an awful bore to me in my state of health, except 
 when I go to see my particular friends." 
 
 " Sure is your health not good, Mrs. Shaw ?" 
 
 "It's miserable, Mrs. Smith miserable. I really 
 ought to be at home and in bed now, but I told Mr. 
 Shaw that the morning was so nne> I must get round 
 and see Mrs. Smith. I Ve so long been wishing to 
 come. Mr. Shaw thought I was rather imprudent fx> 
 walk so far ; but I told him- I would stop and lest 
 several times on the way. I would n't attempt to take 
 such a walk except to see a very particular friend) 
 which I hope I may call you, Mrs. Smith."
 
 MORNING CALLS. 393 
 
 " Certainly, Mrs. Shaw you do me much honor. 
 E hope you will not be the worse for the exertion. 
 Have you been long an invalid ?" 
 
 "I have so; my health has been very precarious 
 for some years. 0, Mrs. Smith, you can not imagine 
 how excessively tired I 've become of taking such 
 quantities of medicine as the old-fashioned doctors 
 give. I tell Mr. Shaw the very sight of it disgusts me." 
 
 "Sure." 
 
 " I 've heard so much of Dr. Smith's astonishing 
 success in his practice, that I should n't hesitate a mo- 
 ment tc place myself under his care, and go through 
 a course of homcepathic treatment, if it were not for 
 fear of offending old Dr. Billings, who has always 
 been our family physician; and we are fearful he 
 might feel hurt, you know." 
 
 " Sure but I do not think he would be. Dr. Smith 
 has one of Dr, Mare's patients, Mrs. Barber, under his 
 care; and Dr. More doesn't appear to be at all dis- 
 pleased about it." 
 
 "I think you're mistaken, Mrs. Smith, for I've^ 
 heard Mrs. More speak of it with considerable bitter- 
 ness. She said her feelings were very much hurt at 
 the Barbers' discharging her husband. Though she 
 remarked that she felt confident they would become 
 dissatisfied with Dr. Smith, and send for Dr. More 
 again." 
 
 " Well, I declare ! I '11 tell the doctor of that 
 17*
 
 394 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 it 's the first time I Ve heard of any one's speaking 
 against my husband's practice." 
 
 "You know, Mrs. Smith, Dr. More is a very penu- 
 rious man, and of course would not like to have a rich 
 patient slip through his fingers." 
 
 " Is he a dose man ? I did n't know it before," 
 " He is so are you acquainted with the family ?" 
 " No Mrs. More has never called on me." 
 " Well, that 's not strange it costs something yon 
 know to keep up an acquaintance." 
 
 " I thought they were quite a genteel family." 
 " Genteel ! my stars ! they are excessively plain." 
 " I 'm sure the daughters dress in good style." 
 " I 'm aware of that, Mrs. Smith ; but they pinch 
 and save in every other way." 
 " Sure ! how you talk !" 
 
 " They keep no servants at all, though Dr. More is 
 abundantly able ; there are few richer men in Green- 
 ville. Mrs. More works like a slave and so do the 
 girls." 
 
 " Sure 1 how you talk, Mrs. Shaw !" 
 " I tell Mr. Shaw I do really pity those poor girls ; 
 notwithstanding the doctors' ample means, he has 
 never given them the advantage of a genteel educa- 
 tion." 
 
 " Sure 1 You don't say so, Mrs. Shaw !" 
 " Just so, Mrs. Smith they ' ve not even learnt 
 music J"
 
 MORNING CALLS. 895 
 
 "Mercy on us!" 
 
 " But they Ve takeu lessons in , what do you 
 
 think? just guess, Mrs. Smith." 
 
 " Well, I 'm sure I can't tell is it drawing?" 
 
 " Drawing ! My stars ! You 'd never guess till 
 your dying day dress-making ! !" 
 
 '* Mercy on us ! he, he, he, he, he 1 how Ann Eliza 
 would laugh to hear that. It 's the last thing I evei 
 should have thought of." 
 
 " Why, Mr. Shaw says he 'd do any thing in the 
 world before he 'd let me and the girls work as they 
 do. He says if it took his last sixpence, Angel and 
 Seraph should learn music." 
 
 " Sure I should n't think Ann Eliza fit for genteel 
 society, unless she could play on the piano how I 
 should feel if her pa should want her to make her own 
 di esses." 
 
 " You would so, Mrs. Smith it 's the only accom- 
 plishment that the More's possess ; and no wonder they 
 carry it to such perfection, and pinch up their waists to 
 the size of a chair-post. Did you ever see such sights 
 as their waists?" 
 
 " They are very small, indeed." 
 
 " They look perfectly ridiculous Mr. Shaw can't 
 hear such forms ; he says a little waist is a deformity 
 rather than a beauty." 
 
 'I think so to. I've never let Ann Eliza lace 
 ught.''
 
 396 WIDOW E.EDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 " Well, you have acted very judiciously, Mrs. 
 Smith ; how is Ann Eliza ?" 
 
 " She 's quite well, thank you. She 's gone out this 
 morning to make calls." 
 
 "Well, I hope she'll go round to our house. 
 Seraph would be so delighted to see her Ann Eliza 's 
 a lovely girl. I 'm told she was a great belle at Coon- 
 ville." 
 
 " Well, it 's not for me to say as to that." 
 
 " Of course but you can't help being proud of her, 
 Mrs. Smith. How sweetly she looked last Sabbath 
 day ! Mr. Shaw remarked it. He admires her style 
 of beauty excessively. I observed she had on one of 
 the new-fashioned capes. Angeleen writes me that 
 they 're very much worn by the first in New York." 
 
 " Yes Ann Eliza heard they were very fashion- 
 able among genteel people. Have you heard from 
 Angeleen, lately?" 
 
 " Eeceived a letter yesterday she 's very happy , 
 says she 's engaged in one constant round of parties 
 and swearees -just what Angel likes, you know; 
 she 's so fond of society. She says, give my love to 
 all the girls, but particularly to Ann Eliza Smith 
 She does love Ann Eliza. Bat I must go." 
 
 "Don't be in haste, Mrs. Shaw." 
 
 " 0, I Ve staid a long time. I always do stay for- 
 ever when I come here. Now do come round Mm 
 Smith run in at any time don't be ceremonious
 
 MORNING CALLS. 3fl? 
 
 I never use any ceremony with my particular niends. 
 Tell Ann Eliza to come round, etc etc." 
 
 Her next call is at Mr. Price's, the minister. 
 
 "How do you do, Mrs. Price?" 
 
 " Quite well, thank you how are you, Mrs. Shaw ?" 
 
 " Poorly, Mrs. Price quite poorly." 
 
 " I J m very sorry to hear it." 
 
 " Keally, Mrs. Price, I must take you to task foi not 
 coming round to see me this long time. You Ve not 
 done your duty as a minister's wife." 
 
 " I Ve not been able to go, Mrs. Shaw. Gustus has 
 been sick with the m easels, and I Ve not been out at 
 all for three weeks." 
 
 " My stars ! how you shock me, Mrs. Price. I have 
 n't heard a word of Augustus being sick, or I should 
 certainly have been round ; I always go to see the 
 sick if I am able to crawl but my health is so preca- 
 rious that I very seldom get out. I told Mr. Shaw the 
 morning was so fine I must get out and see my minis- 
 ter's folks, though it 's a very long walk for me. How 
 is dear little Gusty now ?" 
 
 " Much better so as to be able to go to school to- 
 day." 
 
 ' I 'm very glad very indeed. Augustus is such a 
 noble boy Mr. Shaw says he is without exception the 
 finest child he ever saw, What a mercy that the 
 Lord saw fit to spare him ! 
 
 "It was, indeed I feel to be thankful."
 
 398 WIDOY BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 " Iff Mr. Price at home?" 
 
 " He is. I li speak to him." 
 
 " Now don't disturb him, Mrs. Price, if he 's en- 
 gaged ; but his conversation is so instructive I would 
 like excessively to see him." 
 
 "Ah, Mr. Price, I hope you 're well quite well?" 
 
 " Perfectly so, Sister Shaw. I trust you are in the 
 enjoyment of more comfortable corporeal health than 
 has recently fallen to your lot?" 
 
 " I regret that I am not, Mr. Price my health is 
 very delicate I assure you, it was a great exertion 
 for me to walk so far this morning. I told Mr. Shaw 
 I would n't have thought of going such a distance to 
 see any one but you and Mrs. Price." 
 
 " Y-e-s I assure you, Sister Shaw, I appreciate the 
 effort, and am tiuly gratified to see you." 
 
 " Thank you, Mr. Price, it does me so much good to 
 talk with you occasionally." 
 
 '< Y-e-s well, how do you f-e-e-1 now, Sister Shaw, 
 IE legard to your mind?" 
 
 " O. Mr. Price, I can not say that I always feel as I 
 ought to owing tG the precarious state of my health, 
 uiy feelings are variable." 
 
 " F-e-s quite natural they should be so." 
 
 ' : Sometimes I feel a degree of coldness and apathy, 
 and am almost tempted to give up my hope ; and again 
 I experience great comfort, and my evidences of ac- 
 ceptance are very strong.'"
 
 MORNING CALLS. 399 
 
 "Y-e-s -as a general thing, you enjoy religion, 1 
 suppose ?" 
 
 " I do so O, Mr. Price, what should I do without 
 religion ? I cell Mr. Shaw, that with my miserable 
 health, religion is my only support." 
 
 " Y-e-s how does Mr. Shaw feel?" 
 
 " O, Mr. Price, I regret to say, that he does not feel 
 his lost and ruined condition as sensibly as 1 could 
 wish ! 1 if that man only had saving faith and 
 if Serapheen was only a Christian my happiness 
 would be complete!" 
 
 " Y-e-s I trust that you wrestle for them, without 
 ceasing at the throne of grace?" 
 
 "I do so, Mr. Price I do so." 
 
 " Y-e-s and do you feel, that in case the Lord 
 should see fit to disregard your petitions, and consign 
 them to everlasting misery, you could acquiesce in his 
 decrees, and rejoice in their destruction ?" 
 
 " I feel that I could without a murmur." 
 
 " Y-e-s I am very happy, Sister Shaw, to find you 
 in such a desirable state of mind." 
 
 " But, Mr, Price, I feel at times excessively exer- 
 cised, in view of the lew tate of religion in Green- 
 ville, now." 
 
 "Y-e-s it is truly melancholy, the ways <)( Zioii 
 languish." 
 
 " They do so it 's time we had another protracted 
 meeting. I don't know when T Ve had my feelings w
 
 400 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 tried as they have been this morning, to see the cold 
 ness and worldliness of some of our people. On my 
 way here, I stopped to rest at several places and O, 
 my dear Mr. Price ! it was so distressing to witness 
 the unconcern that was manifested." 
 
 " Y-e-s." 
 
 " I called at Mrs. Barber's they 're very irreligious 
 people you know." 
 
 "Y-e-s no experimental acquaintance with saving 
 faith." 
 
 " None whatever. The old lady 's quite sick on 
 her death-bed, perhaps I did n't see her they did n't 
 ask me to go in you know they 're very peculiar 
 people so distant. I did want to see her, and find 
 out how she felt and whether she expected to get to 
 heaven on good works now. You know you used to 
 think she did." 
 
 " Ye-s I had reason to suppose so, from her con- 
 duct." 
 
 " It would be dreadful, if the old lady should die in 
 such a state of mind would n't it, Mr. Price ?" 
 
 "Y-e-s 
 
 1 Behold the aged sinner goes, 
 Laden with guilt and heavy woes, 
 Down to the regions of the dead 
 With endless curses on her head.' 
 
 How remarkably those words of the sacred poet ap- 
 ply to her case !" 
 " They do so I did n't see Mrs. George Barber nei
 
 MORNING CALLS. 401 
 
 ther. She was with the old lady but I sa-w Mary 
 what a hardened girl she is! Why, Mr. Price, she 
 actually called on the name of the adversary of souls 
 in the course of her conversation. I never was so 
 shocked!" 
 
 " Dreadful ! awfully dreadful, Sister Shaw I" 
 
 "And the Mores, too I was in there how excess- 
 ively worldly they are think of nothing but making 
 and saving money and what is money good for? 
 nothing just nothing, Mr. Price it 's tin root of all 
 evil, Mr. Price." 
 
 Y-e-s y-e-s." 
 
 Though poor Mr. Price thought in his heart that a 
 little of that same root would n't come amiss to him. 
 
 "And Dr. Smith's people I called there, too 
 what a poor, silly woman, Mrs. Smith is entirely de- 
 voted to the world and its follies. She thinks more 
 of having her daughter shine in society, than she does 
 of saving her soul, I do believe. O, Mr. Price, I was 
 sick at heart I could have wept as I sat there, and 
 heard that woman run on about her daughter being a 
 belle, and dressing in style and all that. Poor Ann 
 Eliza ! she has no parent to wrestle for her ai; the 
 throne of grace, as my dear Serepheen has ! I do feel 
 for her no wonder that she 's such a trifling thought- 
 less thing." 
 
 "Y-e-s it is truly melancholy to be m her condi- 
 tion."
 
 402 WIDOW BEDOTT PAPERS. 
 
 " O, there 's an alarming state of things in Green 
 ville now, Mr. Price we must have a protracted meet- 
 ing, Mr. Price." 
 
 ' Y-e-s, Sister Shaw, we must endeavor to do so." 
 
 " I feel as if something must be done for impenitent 
 sinners in Greenville. It 's three years since we had a 
 special effort 't was before you came here, Mr. Price 
 there was a great outpouring of the Spirit Angel- 
 een experienced religion and I feel to believe, that if 
 we could have another, Mr. Shaw and Serapheen 
 would come out. And then a great many of those 
 that were hopefully converted at the last meeting, have 
 gone back into the world, and want to be re-converted. 
 We must get up a revival, Mr. Price. Don't you 
 think so?" 
 
 " Y-e-s, I feel convinced that a protracted effort might 
 be signally blest if the church would come up to the 
 work. Speaking of your absent daughter, Sister Shaw- 
 have you heard from her lately ?" 
 
 " I have so received a letter yesterday She de- 
 sired to be particularly remembered to her dear friends ; 
 Mr. and Mrs. Price." 
 
 " Y-e- s, thank you did she say what was the state 
 of religion in New York now ?" 
 
 " Very low, she says very low, indeed. She at- 
 tends Dr. Kitties' church with her uncle's family ; but 
 she says she does want to hear one of your excellent, 
 spiritual sermons again Mr. Price. She 's heartily
 
 MOKNING CALLS. 403 
 
 aiok of the gayetj of the city. She 's obliged to min- 
 gle in it some, you know ; but such things are very 
 itncongenial to Angel's taste. She does long to come 
 home to her old friends, and sit under her dear Mr. 
 Price's preaching once more. Angel is very much at- 
 tached to you and Mrs. Price, and so fond of retire- 
 ment. ' Ma,' she says in her letter, ' I 'm utterly worn 
 out with visits, parties, and swearees.' " 
 
 " Swearees ! I trust those are not, as the name im- 
 ports, profane assemblages." 
 
 " By no means, Mr. Price, ' Swearees' is the French 
 for ' ice-cream parties ;' but I must go my visits here 
 are so refreshing. I always stay longer than I intend 
 to. What an intensely interesting sermon you gave us 
 last Sabbath day, Mr. Price it did me so much good. 
 Mr. Shaw was excessively delighted with it-- 1 that J s 
 what I call preaching,' said he to me, as we were going 
 home. O, Mr. Price, it is such a deprivation to me 
 not to be able to attend the evening prayer-meeting 
 offcener, but my health is so precarious that I can not 
 do as inclination prompts ; but Ifiel that such depri- 
 vations are sent as trials to my faith." 
 
 " Y-e-s, undoubtedly, Sister Shaw and I trust that 
 your faith will be strengthened by them." 
 
 "I do most ardently hope so but I must go now 
 do come round, Mr. Price, and you, Mrs. Price, I think 
 so much of having you come."
 
 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT LOS ANGELES 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY LIBRARY 
 This book is DUE on the last date stamped below 
 
 | 
 
 291
 
 3174 Whit cber 
 W581w The Widow 
 1880 Bedott 
 papers. 
 
 006 356 778 8 
 
 PS 
 
 5174 
 W581w 
 1880