WTV. OF CALIF. LIBRARY. LOS ANGELAS
TOLD IN A
CHINESE GARDEN
AND FOUR OTHER FANTASTIC PLAYS
FOR OUT-DOORS OR IN-DOORS
BY
CONSTANCE WILCOX
Especially adapted Jor amateur productions
NEW YORK
HENRY HOLT AND COMPANY
1920
COPYRIGHT, 1920,
BY
HENRY HOLT AND COMPANY
All of these plays have been successfully given.
No royalty is asked for performing rights when no admis
sion is charged. Otherwise there is a charge of five dollars
for each performance by amateurs. Professional actors
must make special arrangements.
No performance of these plays may be given without
full acknowledgment to the author and publishers. Ac
knowledgment should be made to read as follows: " By
Constance Crenelle Wilcox; from Told In A Chinese Gar
den and Other Plays. Produced by arrangement with the
publishers."
PS
3S- if 5
AFFECTIONATELY INSCRIBED
TO
MY FATHER
8133948
AUTHOR'S NOTE
These five one act plays have been written especially
for the out of doors, and, as experience with them has
shown, can be easily and effectively given by amateurs
in the simplest of outdoor settings. They range in
length and elaboration from " Told in a Chinese Gar
den," which plays forty-five minutes, and can be made,
if desired, into quite a brilliant pageant for a large
number of people, to " Pan Pipes," which is a play of
twenty-five minutes for four actors. It is sometimes
difficult to find plays exactly fitted for an outdoor set
ting. In these plays the entrances and exits are made
with a view to outdoor production, and the back
ground is taken into account. The particular settings
given in the plays are, of course, not essential nor ex
pected for any outdoor production. They are given
for atmosphere, and in case of an indoor production.
A few suggestions for simple production follow each
play.
Permission for producing these plays can be ob
tained from the publishers.
CONTENTS
PAGE
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 3
A Play Pageant for a Garden
PAN PIPES .... A Woodland Play . 63
FOUR OF A KIND . . A Play for a Boat . 93
THE PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE .... 129
A Children's Garden Play
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 171
A Fantasy for a Garden
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN l
(A PLAY PAGEANT)
SCENE. A Chinese garden.
TIME. A summer afternoon.
CHARACTERS
TAl-Lo, A Gardener on the estate of Wang-Chu-Mo.
PoA-TiNG-FANG, Guest of Wang-Chu-Mo.
WANG-CHU-MO.
Li-Ti, Daughter of Wang-Chu-Mo.
LING-TAI-TAI, Governess to Li-Ti.
LANG-TAI-TAI, Governess to Li-Ti.
Two GUARDS.
SCRIBE.
PAGES, COOLIE RUNNERS and OTHERS.
(The Songs are all Old Chinese and also the quota
tions)
1 Copyright, 1919, by Constance Wilcox.
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
A STORY IN ONE ACT
ft ^AI-LO is working with dippers at a flower bed
i around a goldfish pool in the center of the
** garden. He wears a peaked straw hat and
faded blue jacket and trousers. He sings at his work.
TAI-LO
" The flower fairies bring
Their playmate spring;
But the spring goes
And leaves the rose.
She fills all hearts
With incense and departs.
" The river fain would keep
One cloud upon its breast,
Of the twilight flocks that sweep
Like red flamingoes fading west,
Away, away,
To build beyond the day.
" Give me the green gloom of a lofty tree,
Leaf and bough to shutter and bar
My dream of the world that ought to be
From the drifting ghosts of the things that are;
3
4 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
Mine is the secret land where spring
And sunset clouds cease wandering."
(PoA-TiNG-FANG and WANG-CHU-Mo ad
vance slowly down the path and into the gar
den. They are in gorgeous embroidered coats
and scarlet and black hats with long tassels.
A servant shields them from the sun with a
bright, many-colored silk umbrella. They carry
fans.)
POA
(With a stately wave of his hand as they walk around
the pool)
As I have frequently observed, a garden is soothing to
the eye the flowers are like the many-colored moving
disks of the counting board as they shine in the sun
I was ever fond of a garden in which to prepare my
accounts so warm, so undisturbed
WANG
I had learned of your Excellency's preference and
you will find that my daughter Li-Ti your most
subservient wife-to-be has the history of each flower
at her finger tips. I have had her trained four hours
every day in this very garden so she may be able to
recite for your Excellency's delectation when she walks
her honorable wifely paths in your garden.
POA
Most erudite and solicitous host and father-in-law-
to-be, the sun is no more warm on my back than your
words in my ears. My late brother (may the Gods
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 5
grant him peace in heaven) took delight in his garden,
and since I have come into his house and possessions,
I have been pleased to add new blooms, one from each
country, and cunningly intermingled like the enamel
on a Ming vase. It is on view Thursdays and Satur
days for a mean consideration.
(They come upon the gardener. He bows so
low that his sun hat completely hides his face;
and, picking up his basket, he goes to a distant
flower bed.)
And gardeners I have thousands like brown-
legged storks and their wages they will pick the
pennies from my eyelids.
WANG
My daughter will have much to learn in your great
household, and I have taught her to imbibe silently,
and speak not until there are wise words in her mouth.
As the Sage says, " A woman with a long tongue is
a flight of steps leading to calamity."
POA
(Picking a flower with a great air)
I myself am a man of few words and many affairs.
WANG
Yes, again to quote: " Love of knowledge without
the will to learn, casts the shadow called Instability.
Love of goodness without the will to learn casts the
shadow called Foolishness. Love "
PDA
Exactly, exactly. Now about the great scarlet be<
that is part of your daughter's dowry may I sa;
that it is of an admirable richness and if there wer
silken quilts
WANG
There there are. They are to be carried to
night in the wedding procession on blue lacquerei
tables of great value ten coolies it will take to carr
them and the household utensils and camphorwooi
chests
POA
(Jotting down the items in a notebook}
Excellent, O excellent and generous, O my father
in-law-to-be. It is indeed fortunate that a propitiou
omen is about to bring our two great houses togethei
I would welcome your daughter were she as sharp a
the vicious Aunt East Wind which I am sure she i
not.
WANG
My daughter is far from ill-favored. But as on
has said, " Beauty without the will to "
POA
It does not matter. It is of an insignificance,
remember too, " Admirable is the wise woman, but sh
is an owl." As befitting a man of affairs my wife an<
I will meet but seldom, and as you say she has th
gift of silence. How does the verse go?
" The wise man's wisdom is our strength,
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 7
The woman's wisdom is our bane.
The men build up the city walls
For women to tear down again."
WANG
It rests my ears to hear that you are fond of poetry.
Do you know
POA
Ah, I remember the sequence,
" No man from any woman's wit
Hath yet learned aught of any worth,
For wise is she, but unto ill,
To bring disorder on the earth.
What does she in affairs of state?
Her place is in the inner room.
Her wisdom doth least hurt in this,
To mind the silkworm and the loom."
But enough of the arts. Were there not perhaps
screens ?
WANG
Of purple colored teakwood, set with silver and
ivory, and hangings of orange brocade hand painted
with dragons.
POA
A good omen a good omen.
(They go off slowly talking.}
(A little boy in livery enters running. He
peers about the garden and runs back to hold
aside the shrubbery for a gilded, canopied chair
8 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
carried by coolies. In the chair is Ll-Tl, her
scarlet and gold gown stiff with embroidery,
and her hair elaborately dressed and twisted
with strings of jade and pearl. Long earrings
frame a lovely, expressionless face, white with
powder and vividly carmine on cheeks and lips.
Her eyes are heavily black and droop wearily.
She carries a peacock feather fan with a mirror
in the handle. Behind the chair walk the two
elderly governesses in drab-colored gowns as
unprepossessing as their sharp yellowed faces.
They carry rolls of manuscript and a servant
behind holds a bright umbrella over them.)
THE BOY
The garden is empty, Celestialness ; only an under-
gardener is here.
Li-Ti
(Peering out)
My father and Poa-Ting-Fang were just walking
through the paths. I wish I might catch a glimpse of
them.
LING-TAI-TAI
It is not seemly.
LANG-TAI-TAI
It is not in comportment. It is curiosity!
(The little procession advances slowly around
the pool.)
LANG
The five worst infirmities that afflict the female are
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 9
indocility, discontent, slander, jealousy and silliness.
The worst of all and the parent of the other five is
silliness. Your desire to see your honorable husband
to-be is silliness.
LING
Leave on the knees of the Gods the joy of your first
sight of him. It comes soon enough.
(The bearers set down the chair.)
Li-Ti
I have heard that he is old, and that he poisoned his
brother so that he could take his estates, and that his
brother's heir ran away from him.
LING
It is incredible that I hear these words in your mouth
after our teaching.
LANG
Some sprouts do not blossom, some blossoms bear no
seed. You are a stranger to us.
Li-Ti
(She descends from her chair. She is very small and
sways on her bound feet)
I am not myself. I am so soon to be some one
else the wife of a man that is old and greedy. I
will drink only his will, and eat only his thoughts
he who I know poisoned his brother for money.
(The bearers arrange a low stool for Li-Ti
and the little boy holds an umbrella over her.
The governesses take their place standing in
io TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
front of her and unroll their long yellow scrolls.
They also have a boy to hold their umbrella.
The bearers take off the chair.}
LING
Servants' chatter. Only girls and servants are hard
to train. Draw near to them and they grow unruly;
hold them off and they pay you with spite.
LANG
Remember that thou art young. What thou dost
know is not to be compared with what thou dost not
know.
Li-Ti
It is common talk. Why then did his brother's only
son and heir run away?
LING
Because he was a worthless ne'er-do-well and shame
lessly preferred the freedom, as he called it, of vaga
bondage, to the honorable responsibility of his father's
estate. That is common talk also.
Li-Ti
Very like he did not care for the responsibility of
such an uncle.
LANG
It ill fits your mouth to speak thus. If the shiftless
Fang-Tai were to return and claim his lands before the
allotted time when they legally belong to his uncle,
you would not have a round penny as a wife.
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN n
Li-Ti
Then my father would not have me be a wife at all.
That would be pleasing.
LING
Undutiful girl! Let us go to our lessons.
(They unroll the long strips of parchment.}
LANG
Your parent has instructed us to impart one more
lesson in the histories of the flowers before you go to
your husband to delight him with your knowledge.
Recite, I pray you, the complete ancestry of the mari
gold.
Li-Ti
(In a singsong}
Fathered first by our lord the Sun, whose sevenfold
beams falling on the plant wove into curling petals,
and then the sweet West Wind in passing from the
bazaars of the great spice grove scattered in a pinch of
of cinnamon
LING
Fie, fie a pinch of musk.
Li-Ti
A pinch of musk, and Ku-Wu the bee with the
golden stripes fashioned for it in the heart of the
flower a pouch of tiny petals so now so now
Will Poa-Ting-Fang, my future husband, be angry
with me? I have forgotten what comes next.
12 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
LING
He will rap the tips of your ringers and leave you
alone in the pavilion. " So now the musk "
Li-Ti
I do not know. Let us go to the gilly-flower. That
is not so hard.
LING
Fie! What is it the great Sage says about those
who take the easy path?
Li-Ti
" The stones will be slippery and they will twist
their feet."
LANG
So now the musk
(A runner enters who goes to the governesses.)
RUNNER
The Lord Wang-Chu would confer with you in
the inner courtyard on a matter of immediate im
portance.
LANG
We come at once.
LING
(Thrusting a parchment into Ll-Ti's hands)
We return anon. Waste not the moments we are
gone.
LANG
Listen not idly to the drone of the bees, or the
dragonflies will sew up your ears.
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 13
LING
The list of the flowers is there. Read it well, and
remember each in its place.
LANG
And there is the song of the willow flowers for the
lute. Last time the notes sounded like a mouse on the
strings.
(LiNG and LANG go out with the runner and
their umbrella man. The gardener crosses and
begins work on the beds about the pool.)
Li-Ti
(In a very small voice as she strums her lute)
" O willow flowers like flakes of snow,
Where do your wandering legions go?
Little we care and less we know !
Our ways are the ways of the wind
Our life in the whirl, and death in the drifts below."
(She turns to her little umbrella boy, who
stands patiently first on one leg and then on the
other.)
You twist so that your shadow flickers like a moth
in the grass and drives the cadence out of my head.
Go over there and rest I do not mind the sun on
my head.
(He marches over to a far corner, and curling
up on the ground under his umbrella promptly
falls asleep.)
i 4 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
Li-Ti
(Running a finger through her eyelashes}
It is not seemly that he should see tears. (She
takes up the parchment.} The green verbena is the
herb that the willow nymph tried to crush into tea for
her lover, and the fragrance of her hands the frag
rance of her hands (She buries her face in her
hands. }
TAI
(Humming at his clipping}
" Prone beside the Western stream,
In the lilied dusk I dream.
And mocking me the wind of spring
Such medley of perfume doth bring,
I cannot tell what fragrance blows,
Nor guess the lotus from the rose."
T 1-
Li-Ti
(Standing up and looking across the flower beds}
Who is it sings when I wish to be sad?
TAI
It is I Tai-Lo, the gardener.
Li-Ti
You are the gardener? Approach.
(TAi-Lo comes before her, basket on arm and bows
low.}
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 15
Li-Ti
Why do you have so many different kinds of flowers
in the garden?
TAI
So they will bloom as varied and bright as the hem
of your celestial skirt that brushes them as you pass.
Li-Ti
I would have all one kind all gillyflowers.
TAI
The garden would be a desert brown and yellow
deadening to the eye.
LI-TI
I would like it. There would be less to learn.
TAI
You know the flower lore and yet would have the
heart to turn them out of their homes?
Li-Ti
Horrid, stiff, prickly things! Take them up and
put in gillyflowers !
(TAi-Lo kneels with his trowel and puts one or two
plants in his basket.)
LI-TI
(As she watches him, she strums carelessly on her lute)
16 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
" Through the green blinds that shelter me, .
Two butterflies at play,
Four wings of flame whirl joyously
Around me and away,
While swallows breasting to the shore
Ripple the waves they wander o'er.
And I that scan the distant view,
Of torn white clouds and mountains blue
TAI
(Finishing it for her}
Lift to the north my aching eyes
'Tis there 'Tis there the city lies
Chang An arise ! Arise ! "
Li-Ti
You know that, too?
TAI
I am an exile. I know another wanderer song that
might please you. (He takes the lute.}
" I was a child in Yung-Yang,
A little child I waved farewell,
After long years I dwell again
In world forgotten Yung- Yang.
Yet I recall my playtime,
And in my dreams I see
The little ghosts of Maytime
Waving farewell to me.
" My father's house in Yung- Yang
Has fallen upon evil days,
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 17
No kinsmen o'er the crooked ways
Hail me as once in Yung- Yang.
No longer stands the old Moot hall,
Gone is the market from the town.
The very hills have tumbled down,
And stoned the valleys in their fall.
Yet I recall my playtime,
And in my dreams I see
The little ghosts of May time,
Waving farewell to me."
Li-Ti
Do flowers have ghosts?
TAI
(Returning to his work)
Yes they are people. Poor little marigold lady!
(He holds up an uprooted plant.} She holds the lan
terns of the garden. When the nights are dark she
lights up the thick green jungle so the katydids can
dance.
Li-Ti
(She consults her paper}
That is not what I learned about the marigold. It
is much prettier.
TAI
Ah, what you know, my lady, is the allegorical an
cestry, very befitting one of your quality. But this is
the true story of the flowers that the fairies prick on
the leaves. And the golden cup that the dew king fills
for the moon fairies. They will go thirsty after their
dance to-night.
18 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
Li-Ti
You need not pull up so many. What is the little
white flower by your foot?
TAI
They are the slippers of the firefly elves left out to
dry in the sun, but you mustn't tell any one.
Li-Ti
And those tall green ones over there?
TAI
Hush! Mandarins see their green caps?
LI-TI
And how solemnly they nod their heads !
TAI
And how the bees fly in and out telling them state
secrets.
Li-Ti
how dear and funny! (She peers over towards
the high flowers.} I wonder if the bees' wings tickle
their ears they buzz so I wonder how it feels to
have a bee tell you secrets.
TAI
( Gravely )
1 can show you. This is the way. (He kisses her
behind her fan.) Are you angry, celestial lady?
Li-Ti
No o. It must be rather nice to be a flower.
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 19
TAI
You are one.
Li-Ti
I consider you only as a bee in the garden.
TAI
A poor sort of vagabond, accountable to no one
flying in and out not ever staying long enough to
care or have any one care
Li-Ti
You shall stay and tell me funny stories.
TAI
All my poor little bee secrets are yours, lady.
LI-TI
And sing songs about Yung- Yang. O, I wish I
had known there was a bee in the garden before !
TAI
The bee saw the flower over the wall.
LI-TI
Oh I should not have been chattering and be
having in this unseemly fashion. Here come my hon
orable governesses. They will be so displeased if I
am not occupied in a fitting manner. Go and send
over the umbrella boy. I hope I have not faded in
the sun. (She takes up her lute. The umbrella boy
returns to stand over her. TAl-Lo goes back to his
work.}
20 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
" O willow flowers like flakes of snow,
Where do your wandering legions go?
Little we care and less we know "
(She breaks off in a suppressed giggle that turns
into a grave courtesy as the governesses hurry
up. They are out of breath and excited.)
LING
The unheard of has occurred!
LANG
O most unfortunate of girls!
LING
The house of Mo can never smile again !
Li-Ti
What is the matter? In what have I offended?
LING
Not you. It is that the great Poa-Ting-Fang, your
future husband-to-be, while walking in this very gar
den O wretched landscape has lost his emerald
ring!
LANG
It is of the honorable size of a pigeon's egg, and
worth the price of a thousand silver mines.
LING
ivf^*-" -""Inable than all your dowry.
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 21
LANG
It holds in its secret chamber the seal of his house
cut from the tomb of his first ancestor
LING
Never has one of his house been without it!
LANG
And it slipped from his august finger while he picked
those miserable flowers!
LING
But that is not the most calamitous! He vows he
will depart in anger that he will never look upon
your face if his ring is not returned. It is an ill
omen and the two houses cannot come together un
der it.
LANG
The garden must be searched to the very seeds, or
you will be scorned as a bride and the world will
laugh at our rejected house!
Li-Ti
It does not appal me that he will not marry me.
LANG
In this garden it vanished the ring worth sixty
diamond mines ! It was to be a signet of your mar
riage. How can he overlook the omen of its loss?
LING
Who has seen it? Who? Who?
22 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
Li-Ti
There has been no one here but ourselves and the
gardener.
LANG
That is it. O merciful heaven that has delivered
him into our hands. (They approach TAi-Lo who
bows. Ll-Tl wanders about looking in the beds.)
LING
Your name?
TAI
Tai-Lo.
LANG
How long have you been here, and why did you
come?
TAI
I have been gardener among your honorable flowers
for twice seven days.
(Ll-Tl stops to pick up something that glitters
as she turns it in her hand.)
LING
And before?
TAI
I wandered.
LANG
Ah!
LING
And your reason for coming?
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 23
TAI
(Watching Li-Ti as she stands in the sunlight)
I liked the flowers in your garden.
LING
And you found them what you expected?
TAI
Better, excellencies. (He bows.)
(With a furtive motion Li-Ti crouches down
and buries what she has found deep in the soft
earth TAi-Lo spaded up.)
LING
Enough! Seize him!
LANG
" A flaw can be ground from a scepter white
A slip of the tongue no man right."
LING
I am satisfied. "Unruly when young unmen-
tioned as man, undying when old spells good-for-
nothing."
Li-Ti
(Coming between them)
No!
LANG
Your chair waits. In a moment your honorable
father and the wronged Ting-Fang will be here to
search the garden and the gardener.
24 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
Li-Ti
Untie him. He has not seen the ring.
LING
We shall see
LANG
What we shall see.
TAI
There are ways of proving that I have not the ring.
Li-Ti
(She has ascended her chair. She twists her hands
nervously}
I I (She looks at TAI.) I will see that you
are not found guilty.
TAI
Graciousness ! " Richer the silver of your voice
than in the hollow pojols that make moonlight about
your ankles."
LING
" Honeyed words confound goodness."
LANG
" The vulgar always gloss their faults."
LING
Forward !
(The bearers carry off the chair, followed by
the governesses under their umbrella. A man
stays to guard TAi-Lo.)
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 25
MAN
Where did you hide it?
TAI
What?
MAN
The ring.
TAI
I have not seen it.
MAN
I will take it safely out of the garden and we will
go shares.
TAI
I tell you I have not seen it. It is fortunate for your
master that I am gardener here instead of you.
MAN
Do you think I can believe you such a fool that you
were working here on the very bed under his foot when
the ring slipped from his finger and did not put your
hand over it? Bah ! Tell me where it is or I'll swear
I saw you swallow it!
TAI
The only kind of fool I am not, is to tell anything
to such a dirty knave as you.
MAN
(Imperturbably )
Everything you say will be used against you.
26 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
TAI
I have no doubt. " Trees are more upright than
men."
MAN
" Money makes a blind man see."
(WANG-CHU-Mo and PoA-TiNG-FANG, under
their umbrellas, come into the garden. They
are followed by servants with rakes.)
WANG
(Directing the men)
Barely touch the surface of the earth the slightest
scratch may bury the ring beneath it as you work. And
remember: you are held responsible if we fail. Oh,
my honorable guest and son-in-law that I hope you
shall still be would I could heap the unworthy dust
of this garden on my head in apology.
FANG
It is indeed a calamity of unmitigated enormity.
My ancestral jewel is of the size of a pigeon's egg and
of the value of a thousand silver mines. (He consults
notebook.) Whereas your daughter's dowry, I regret
to say, does not possess its equivalent.
WANG
Its equivalent shall be found. Where is the gar
dener Lang-Tai-Tai told me of?
TAI-LO
Here.
(TAi-Lo and PoA-TiNG-FANG stare at each
other.)
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 27
WANG
wretched stork, what have you filched with your
beak!
POA
1 would question this man alone.
(WANG goes off, fussily directing the men who
scratch the flower beds with their rakes.)
POA
Fang-Tai !
TAI
My estimable uncle!
POA
What are you doing here ?
TAI
I might better ask the same what are you doing
here in my father's coat, and wearing or, rather,
being very careless, with my father's signet ring
while I, my father's heir, am still in a position to claim
them? But I fear the question might inconvenience
you
POA
Very unsuitable.
TAI
We will let it pass since it is of my own free will
that I wander. Be benign enough to assure these peo
ple that I am no thief and I say nothing.
28 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
POA
And how long do you continue saying nothing?
TAI
As long as my good pleasure and your good be
havior.
POA
Am I to be at the beck and call and in constant fear
of a paltry vagabond? Oh, my high-bred sensibilities!
I shudder to my ringer tips!
TAI
Most unsuitable of you, dear uncle. When my
father died I chose some years of freedom to wander
through the by-roads unhampered and left you the
freedom and the care of the estate. It was my favor
that gave you these honors. It is not my fault if you
assume too much take too much and force me to
return.
POA
That was why you stole the ring so that you
could prove your estate instantly!
TAI
Your morals, my uncle, are odd. I take no such
method.
POA
Bah! Hypocrisy!
TAI
I have seen that which makes me think I shall return
in any case.
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 29
POA
Am I to give up my position my hard-fought gains
my improvements won by the sweat of my toil and
the clink of my gold
TAI
My gold.
POA
To give place to you you a vagabond squan
derer a shiftless pleasure lover who would waste
and change and turn me into the laughing stock of
the country?
TAI
No doubt.
POA
It is unthinkable that I, I should have to give
way to a beardless ne'er-do-well. It is a thousand
deaths! And I would give a thousand rings to have
you dead, scourge of the worthy!
TAI
No doubt.
POA
You mock me will you monkey -eared frog
you
TAI
Tell these people that I am no thief, and have done.
POA
They would not believe it.
30 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
TAI
I have around my neck the amulet, the duplicate
of the sacred amulet in my father's ring. They will
believe Tai-Fang.
POA
You cannot prove a grain of it. The amulet of a
ragged gardener. It might be any stone.
TAI
The ring will be found and it fits there.
POA
I will throw the ring into the river before it is
opened. I will grind it under my heel
TAI
" The chase of gain is rich in hate " My uncle,
do you think there is a man on our estate who would
not know me?
POA
But here here they do not, and the word of a
vagrant servant is the wind in the grass empty.
Whether the ring is found or not, I will say you con
fessed to stealing it. They will only be too eager to
string you on the nearest branch to appease me. And
what is one dead gardener more or less? By the sacred
Gods that guard the cornice of our house, I will do
it unless you swear to go and never molest me again.
You swear?
TAI
I do not.
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 31
POA
There will be trial and court in this very garden and
you will be hung.
TAI
If it happens that I am not it will fare hard with
you. Hbw well I see now that " Gold is tested by
fire and man by gold."
POA
You will never go out of that gate unless, when the
rope is about your neck, you promise me on the grave
of your ancestors
TAI
You old thief! I'll see you strangled first! (He
tries to free his hands.}
POA
( Calling )
My honorable father-in-law. This man is violent!
(WANG hurries up.)
WANG
He confesses?
POA
To having disposed of the ring. My astute ques
tioning
TAI
I do not.
WANG
Peace! Lest your tongue burn in your mouth.
32 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
POA
My intricate insinuations and subtle probes have
brought the taste of guilt to his trembling mouth.
TAI
You lie! My Lord Wang, if you know
WANG
(Angrily}
I am about to know.
POA
He admits to having taken the jewel but as to
where he has hid it, he has the cunning and secrecy of
the weasel.
WANG
We will discover at once. O that I should have
nourished such a viper in my garden !
POA
Eating your bread and lining his unworthy pockets
with your silver. My unhappy friend, I indeed grieve
for you.
WANG
It can be crushed out. Tread on the snake's head,
and he will not bite.
POA
I truly believe that nothing would give me greater
happiness than to see your garden spot cleared of all
evil.
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 33
WANG
O most felicitous and generous guest ! Truly " to
rank the effort above the prize may be called Love."
It shall be cleared of Evil
TAI
One moment.
WANG
Your time to speak shall come.
POA
He should have only one moment. I am sincerely
convinced that such is my friendship for you that im
mediate removal of this rascal since he has in part
confessed would greatly tend to smooth my pride in
the matter of the ring and my feeling towards your
daughter
WANG
We will hold a court at once.
POA
Is that necessary, in a case of such confessed guilt ?
WANG
(Pompously}
" When not in office I discuss not policy." I per
form no deed that is not strictly in accordance with the
mandates of the law " Gentlemen cherish worth ; the
vulgar cherish dirt. Gentlemen trust in justice; the
vulgar trust in favor," says Confucius. But this will
be very summary just a few ceremonies in this gar
den we will not disturb the festivities outside.
34 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
POA
Most laudable intention. But no strangers I pray
no fuss no scandal ; of all things I deplore scan
dal and were there outsiders I would feel it my
painful duty to explain my emerald seal
WANG
No one but ourselves and the men in this garden
to act also as executioners in case
POA
Exactly and excellently planned. Worthy father-
in-law, your scheme is as neat as a snail in its shell.
TAI
I claim the right to defendants.
WANG
(Pointing to the two guards)
These can be your defendants. They are your fel
low servants and know the most about you here.
POA
Precise as a crab in its skin.
TAI
.Some one from my own province
POA
Question not your master's generosity, wretched fel
low. Your past is best buried in obscurity.
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 35
WANG
Unhappy man, the crime was committed here,
Who more fitting than these witnesses ?
POA
My father-in-law, the tea-leaf eyelids of the Sages
would quiver at your perfect comprehension and jus
tice.
TAI
You will regret this.
POA
Very like. I am tender-hearted and ever hate to
witness suffering.
WANG
I depart to seek the law books. " To foster right
among the people to honor the ghosts of the dead
while keeping aloof from them may be called Wisdom."
POA
For a theft of over a thousand gold pieces it is hang
ing, is it not? My ring was worth twenty thousand.
WANG
That is the penalty.
POA
And that this should defile your garden! In my
grief for you I feel sorrow and desire for my ring
passing away. Is it not dangerous to leave these men
with the prisoner? He might confer falsely or even
divulge the hiding place of the ring, and they escape.
36 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
WANG
True. Is he well tied ?
GUARD
Perfectly. (TAi-Lo is roped hand and foot.)
WANG
He is as safe there as a clipped sparrow, and we will
guard the gates. Come, men, you will be allowed to
confer with the prisoner for his defense under our
eyes. Ah, if all would hark to the words of the Sage
" Living on coarse rice and water with a bent arm
for pillow, mirth may be ours, but ill-begotten wealth
and honors r are to me a wandering cloud."
POA
We are not all born with the righteousness of Con
fucius in our breath as you are, my esteemed father-in-
law-to-be.
{They walk out slowly)
GUARD
(In TAi-Lo's ear)
Tell me where it is that ring
TAI
You knave!
GUARD
Remember then by Kong-Fu-Tsu, I'll say you
swallowed it, and then (He makes the motion of
ripping open TAI'S body with a knife.) It is not
pleasant even with a sharp knife and I doubt if they
wait to hang you first.
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 3?
WANG
(Callinff)
Come here, you loiterers !
GUARD
I was but tightening the ropes.
(The GUARDS go out.)'
(Li-Ti enters on tip-toe. She sways, and ad
vances very slowly. Suddenly, very swiftly,
she stoops and feels in a flower bed. TAl-Lo
whistles a little tune.)
Li-Ti
(Her hands behind her}
You are spying on me! Oh!
TAI
If you move your celestial path to another circle, I
cannot see you.
Li-Ti
Oh, poor gardener you are bound! Does it hurt!
TAI
A little, but not so much as that you should see me so.
LI-TI
You do look funny! Ah, I did not mean that I
will see that you are unbound. I want to hear you
talk again. I hate to see you so. Can't you move?
TAI
My position is honorably uncomfortable. Your
38 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
august father is pleased to accuse me of taking your
estimable husband-to-be's ring.
Li-Ti
But you did not. They were estimably in the
wrong.
TAI
You believe I did not steal? Your words are as
sweet as the song of the Fung-Noang, the wonder-
birds.
Li-Ti
Would it free you if the ring were found? If the
emerald the size of a pigeon's egg and the value of
sixty pagodas of pearl were to be spaded up in this
flower-bed ?
TAI
I am afraid not.
Li-Ti
It would not matter?
TAI
You are pleased?
Li-Ti
Oh, it is only a little matter something to do with
myself, and not at all important as your troubles are.
It is only that if the ring were not found, I heard it
said that Poa-Ting-Fang my husband-to-be would
look upon me with frowning, and not take me to his
house, but go away.
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 39
TAI
You do not want to marry him?
Li-Ti
I have heard that he is old and ugly and stupid, and
likes dry things to learn by rote instead of of know
ing nice pretty flower stories such as
TAI
As I know?
Li-Ti
Yes. But I must not take up all the time with this
idle chatter of my affairs. There must be found a
way to free you and then the ring will never be found.
Oh, I would stamp it to pieces myself rather than that,
and I would never have to learn any more stupid lists
for Ting-Fang only funny flower stories here in the
garden with you, and we would be so happy and care
free. Wouldn't we?
TAI
It would be as a thousand springtimes. I wish it
were possible.
LI-TI
Why not?
TAI
You yourself have poured water on the last spark
of hope.
LI-TI
You think the ring could free you after all?
TAI
If anything. But speak not of that.
40 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
Li-Ti
I must (in a very faint voice) ; and the ring shall
be found.
TAI
I hope not, for your honorable sake. You will stay
in the garden and talk to the bright lilies, and all the
wicked lacquered goblins on the cornice of the house of
Ting-Fang shall wriggle their fire-colored tongues in
vain, for they shall not have you to eat.
Li-Ti
But I should not like it if you were not here.
TAI
You think so? To-night even in the great citron
light of sunset when the Three Councillors open their
cold bright eyes in the Northern sky, you will have
forgotten.
Li-Ti
No! Your ghost would come to me.
TAI
Do not fear for me. " Those who have not tasted
the bitterest of Life's bitters can never appreciate the
sweetest of Life's sweets." And even if the emerald
should be found growing like a celestial magic leaf upon
these flower stems, there are those to say I hid it, and
that is theft confessed.
Li-Ti
But if some one else were to say he took it?
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 41
TAI
jewel in the lotus, do you think others wait to
hang in my stead ?
Li-Ti
(Slowly)
1 could not live, and think that I had harmed you.
TAI
That is very kind.
Li-Ti
You do not believe me? It is true!
TAI
Did you not just say, Almond Flower, that it was
your happiness for the ring not to be found? That
is proof.
Li-Ti
When I think of going with that dreadful old man,
it is like holding my hand in a crab's tooth. But a
way will be found to free you. It must.
TAI
To argue with you, little one, is like throwing water
in a frog's face.
Li-Ti
Oh, you are so funny! Have I a face like a frog?
TAI
More like a lotus petal.
42 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
Li-Ti
Ah, I cannot bear it ! I must tell you it is a
secret
TAI
Tell me. The dead have no tongues to wag.
Li-Ti
Don't say it! Tai-Lo, you are not going to die!
TAI
That is nonsense. What is your secret ?
Li-Ti
It is that I Oh, I dare not I cannot (She
hides her face behind her fan.)
TAI
Your esteemed father and his honorable guest your
husband-to-be are approaching. It would not be
seemly that they find you in converse with a prisoner.
Li-Ti
(Looking up steadily over her fan}
Good-by. Tai-Lo.
TAI
Good-by.
(Li-Ti vanishes in the bushes.}
(WANG-CHU-Mo and PoA-TiNG-FANG enter,
followed by servants bearing two high gilded
chairs. Two others carry parasols, and an
other books, papers, and a long quill pen. One
man has a heavy rope slung over his arm. At
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 43
a reasonable distance the two governesses follow,
whispering importantly under their umbrella.
The bearers put down the chairs and WANG
and POA ascends them, the umbrellas being
held over their heads. A scribe sits cross-
legged at their feet, with his materials spread
before him. The governesses stand behind
WANG'S chair, and the servants in a row be
hind POA'S. WANG motions for TAi-Lo to be
unbound. He comes to stand in front of the
chairs. )
WANG
(Reading from a book)
" To leave untaught and then kill is cruelty ; to ask
full tale without warning is tyranny. To give care
less orders and be strict when the day comes is rob
bery; to be stingy in rewarding men is littleness."
Court is open. This man is accused of a theft sur
passing the mark of ten thousand gold pieces. I be
ing judge of this province may acquit him, or find him
guilty. If he is found guilty, he may be hanged.
POA
(Fanning himself)
Most suitable, most suitable.
WANG
Who stands against this man?
POA
(Rising)
I do.
44 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
(Several of the servants bow, and the gov
ernesses come forward timidly.}
WANG
(Speaking to the SCRIBE)
Put down the names.
POA
Of us all
WANG
Yes, all except those two. (He points to the two
guards of TAi-Lo.) They are to speak for the
prisoner.
POA
(Coldly)
Ah, those. (He leans over to them.) Merely tech
nical, my men, I assure you. There will be no pen
alty attached for you if your ah client is found
guilty.
TAI
I will speak for myself.
GUARD
(In his ear)
And what have you to say to me?
TAI
That you can go to the devil.
(The guard whispers vindictively.)
TAI
You blackguard! (He falls on the man, half knock-
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 45
ing him down, and is pulled back by the other guard.
WANG and POA both rise. The governesses scream.}
WANG
(Shrilly)
Stop it there! How dare you, vagrant beetle that
you are, interrupt and insult the honor of the court
before my eyes! Oh, lamentable viciousness!
POA
Scandalous !
WANG
(Sinking back in his chair , the guards having pulled
TAI-LAO back)
An execrable beginning.
POA
Contemptible. To maul his very fellow defendant!
TAI
It is not as you think, Lord Wang; if you will hear
me, this man
POA
Out of order. (Fanning.) Tales, tales.
WANG
Out of order, certainly! and there is nothing to
excuse your incredible actions. " The people are the
root of a country, if the root is firm, the country will
be tranquil; if the root is rotten, the country breaks
like a house with a cracked floor."
46 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
GUARD
I refuse to answer for this man. I want to accuse
him
POA
Very proper spirit, very proper.
GUARD
I can tell you
WANG
All in appropriate time. Put his name down there.
(He raps sharply on the arm of his chair with his fan.)
Proceed! We will omit the formalities and come to
the accusations.
SCRIBE
(Reading from his papers in a high singsong}
The gardener, Tai-Lo, is accused of theft in the
third degree of
POA
Time presses.
WANG
Come to the list of evidence.
SCRIBE
First: He was known to be alone in the garden
when the great and honorable Lord Poa-Ting-Fang lost
his most precious emerald ring clear as the sunset
after rain of the size of a pigeon's egg and the
value of ten thousand silver mines. He was seen to
work under the very feet of the great Poa-Ting-Fang
as the ring slipped from his ringer >
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 47
TAX
If he knew when it fell, why did he not pick it up ?
WANG
Again, silence.
POA
Note that down if he knew if he knew.
(Making a note in his book.)
SCRIBE
Second: He confessed openly to have been a wan
dering beggar and questionable character before his
entering as a gardener only a few days before the
notable Poa-Ting-Fang was due for a visit, and he
admitted in the access of his unworthy triumph that he
had found the gleanings of the garden even more than
he had expected.
LING
That we found out
LANG
He admitted it to us.
POA
Most admirable example of female intelligence!
LING
( To LANG, as they settle back)
" A man thinks he knows, but a woman knows
better."
SCRIBE
Third : The guilty one is known to have confessed
48 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
to taking the ring into the august ear of Poa-Ting-
Fang himself.
POA
Is that not sufficient?
SCRIBE
Though, being as a weasel in his ways, he will not
confess where he has hid away the jewel. (He rolls
up his paper, and sits down.)
TAI
Poa-Ting-Fang has made my confession incomplete
because he does not know any more than I do where
the ring is.
POA
Does the court permit this slander on my person?
WANG
We will hear the man though his ridiculous insinua
tions are hardly worth the attentions of our august ear.
" But he who contains himself goes seldom wrong,"
says the wise man. We will listen though it be wind
in our ears.
POA
" Politeness before force."
TAI
I have not seen the ring.
POA
That is an ah inaccuracy. The person has
seen the jewel on this very hand, flashing in the sun
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 49
before his greedy eyes as I walked in the garden.
Could any one have overlooked the sacred emerald of
the house of Fang? Of the value of five hundred
Ming vases all fragile as the wings of a moth? His
statement is worthless.
TAI
Yes, my uncle, my esteemed and proud relative, I
have seen the ring on my father's finger it was my
father whose estates you will steal to your own ends
seen it with my eyes the eyes of Fang-Tai my
father's son.
POA
His guilt has gone to his head. Too bad, too bad.
" Memory makes dizzy his thought like the perfume of
some venomous flower."
WANG
What proof have you for this monstrous imper
tinence?
TAI
" When a bird is to die his note is sad, when a man
is to die, his words are true." Do you deny that I am
your nephew, Lord Ting- Fang?
POA
Most certainly. My Lord Wang-Mo, do you per
mit this man to question whether I know my own
nephew? Indeed " if the tongue have no fear, words
are hard to make good."
WANG
Consider which way your tongue goes. How can
you utter such an assertion?
POA
" The charioteer of Resolve has lost control of the
wild team of Fancy."
GOVERNESSES
(Behind their fans)
Very pretty very pretty.
(POA smiles indulgen ly.)
TAI
(Holding out an amulet that is a string about his neck)
I have here the. perfect duplicate of the sacred amulet
of the house of Fang, the secret seal of our ancestors,
given only to the first sons of our house.
POA
Very unlikely.
TAI
And any man from our province would know me
I can tell you the secret and inmost furnishings of our
palace
POA
The man must have a whole band of accomplices to
lie for him.
GOVERNESSES
" Evil is not hermit. It has ever neighbors."
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 51
POA
Exact and just.
TAI
Do you deny, Poa-Ting-Fang, that in the hidden
corner of your chamber
POA
Whose word is to be taken this vagabond's or
mine? Are my household gods to be dragged out and
shamed before the whole countryside and in the
mouth of every lying rascal? I have said that he is a
thief. My word is used as carelessly as a lead penny.
(He rises.) This court shall keep me no longer. I
will go forth, and say that it is no court.
WANG
My most exalted guest, your word is as valuable as
a ruby. Into a court is sifted both chaff and grain.
We must winnow all. Be satisfied that the affair will
be settled here and take it no further. (PoA seats
himself.)
POA
(Sulkily)
" Long visits make short compliments."
WANG
You have an amulet?
POA
Like most gardeners apes are we all.
52 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
GOVERNESSES
Yes, yes, apes.
WANG
Speak slowly and take heed of your words
concerning it. The offense is great. How can you
prove your assertion here and now?
TAI
The amulet is cut so cunningly that it fits into a
hidden part of the ring of our house.
POA
And the ring is lost! Very neat, very neat.
WANG
You testify to your own guilt.
TAI
I dare you to find the ring, Poa-Ting-Fang.
GUARD
He can't do it! He can't do it!
WANG
Why not?
GUARD
(Pointing to TAI-Lo)
Because he's swallowed it!
ALL
Swallowed it!
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 53
TAI
That that is too absurd !
GUARD
(Vindictively)
When he knew he was caught he did it to hide
his guilt
TAI
And how do you prove that?
GUARD
(Significantly)
There is one way to prove it quick and sure.
WANG
This is most distressing!
POA
Most shocking to my delicate sensibilities
GUARD
Will you hang him first? My Lord, does such a
liar deserve it ?
POA
Perhaps the guard is right and since the man
claims to exalted ancestry, however knavish his asser
tions, that is a more ah aristocratic way of ah
committing suicide. But, oh, my tender perceptions.
WANG
I must complete my duty and the law.
54 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
GUARD
(Delightedly producing a knife in one hand and a rope
in the other}
Have I your august permission to
(The bushes part suddenly and Ll-Tl appears.)
Li-Ti
(Shrilly)
No!
WANG
My daughter!
POA
My future bride! (He modestly hides his face be
hind his fan.)
WANG
This is the culmination of unseemliness! Unhappy
girl!
Li-Ti
(Prostrating herself)
I will walk in obedience all my life. I will be faith
ful and light lanterns before all the household gods,
and obey your slightest eyelid quiver as your most sub
servient and unworthy wife, my Lord Ting-Fang, but
I cannot live and know that such a crime was done in
my name.
WANG
In your name ? ,
Li-Ti
Oh, a thousand pardons, most august and best of
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 55
fathers ten thousand, O most exalted husband-to-be
but I with my miserable eyes had never beheld the
countenance of my Lord Ting- Fang and knew that
he could care naught for one so lowly as I and I
found O, a million apologies, most celestial ones
that my unworthy heart was not with him that it lay
in the hand of another and when I heard from
all mouths that my Lord Ting-Fang would not have
me if his ring were not found I thought only of
myself in my unhappiness and I saw the ring where
it lay fallen in our most unworthy garden, slipped
from his august ringer and I stole it.
WANG
You!
Li-Ti
Yes. Cover me with a thousand confusions. Bury
me forever in the cold cells of the sacred Pagoda. But
do not harm Tai-Lo. (She holds out her hand.}
Here it is.
POA
{Coming suddenly down from his chair)
Let me see.
TAI
(Forestalling him, and covering the ring with his
hand}
No.
LING
(Catching a sleeve of Li-Ti and pulling her back}
Little spider is this how you reward our teaching !
56 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
LANG
(Pulling her by the other sleeve)
" The five worst infirmities that afflict women
are"
WANG
Peace.
TAI
Behold; my Lord Wang. (He holds the ring and
his amulet together in his hand.)
WANG
Complete. How strange indeed are the Gods!
TAI
There will now be time to prove more
POA
(With a majestic wave of his hand)
My worthy and honorable Lord Wang-Chu-Mu,
and others that are here, I admit that this person is
unfortunately my nephew. I admit that I denied him
before you. I admit that I would rather have my
tender, high-strung sensibilities racked to their core
as they would have been by the shedding of my own
flesh and blood and the thrice regrettable demise of
my unfortunate nephew than to have the lands of my
ancestors ravaged and the gods of my household pro
faned by falling into the hands of a profligate and a
waster. But through the interruption of, I may say
with a blush, your unmaidenly daughter, all this can
not be. But the hem of my skirt will be clear of it
from now on. I resign my lands into the hands of
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 57
this rascal, preferring that they perish quickly and
without the open scandal of a lawsuit with such as he.
And you, Wang-Mu, I congratulate you that you have
not had the inconvenience of having your daughter re
turned to you, as she surely must have been had I seen
her in my house. I leave her to my nephew. I fear
they are only too well suited to each other. I have
the pleasure of bidding you an honorable farewell.
And try, I beg you, though I fear it will be difficult, to
remember that " A gentleman is consistent and change
less and a combination of art and nature well blent."
{He moves off with great dignity, signing to a
man to follow him with an umbrella. All
bow.}
WANG
Alas! Like the famous man, " He wears a mask of
love but his deeds belie it."
LING
Such a splendid creature!
LANG
Like the full moon his face, with eyebrows like
swallows' wings
TAI
My uncle has always dignity and discretion.
WANG
Completely polite.
(PoA-TiNG-FANG disappears.)
58 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
TAI
May I have the honor of suggesting that I am now
as my uncle though undoubtedly somewhat less
august and complete in my gifts and stand in the
most exalted shoes of your son-in-law-to-be?
WANG
I will consult the law upon that most desirable
point. My garden is yours, and my house and all
that I have.
(He goes off slowly, followed by the scribe,
chair and the others. All bow deeply.)
TAI
(To Li-Ti)
So that was your secret?
Li-Ti
(Prostrating herself)
Oh, most honorable lord, forgive my boldness.
TAI
(Lifting her to him)
You would have sacrificed yourself so no harm
should come to me. It gives faith to a poor vagabond
to take up the works of his ancestors again.
(The bearers come back with Li-Ti's chair.
She ascends it.)
TAI
I shall remember that the first day I saw you was
the birthday of a thousand flowers, and each succeeding
day will be the unfolding of a new petal.
TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 59
Li-Ti
Oh, most honorable one! I will have no more se
crets from you I will tell you all.
TAI
In a garden where there are plenty of bees. (He
bows. The bearers carry off her chair. LING and
LANG follow.)
(As the chair reaches the opposite of the pool
Li-Ti leans out and throws him a kiss. TAI-
Lo follows them out slowly, humming the same
tune as when he first came into the garden.)
60 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
Any garden could be used for this play.
To make it appear Chinese, large flat gray sil
houettes, cut to represent the stone lanterns and pagoda
ornaments so often seen in Chinese gardens could be
easily made, and placed about.
It is pretty to have a little walk or vista down which
the processions can come on entering the garden. The
bright colored costumes are very effective against the
green.
For amateur production, Chinese costumes and prop
erties are easy to find, and the coolie costumes can be
very effective with soft colored smocks and peaked
straw hats.
FOR INDOOR PRODUCTION
A simple scene would be
A white wall extends across the back of the stage,
with a little red door let in on one side, through which
the characters enter into the garden. The top of the
wall is colored with a band of scarlet, blue and gold
tiles, and perhaps the curving scarlet tip of a Chinese
roof shows over the top of the wall against the vivid
blue sky. The grass in the garden is very bright green,
with a little pebble path running through it, and prim
flower beds against the wall, and in the foreground,
brilliant, stiff flowers. On either side, stunted, Chinese
pines, in lacquered pots. For ornament, two red lac
quered sitting Chinese dogs guarding the door in the
-all.
PAN PIPES
A WOODLAND PLAY
PAN PIPES 1
A WOODLAND PLAY
SCENE. A wooded hillside.
TIME. A summer afternoon.
CHARACTERS
HARRY, of the Luxurio Stores.
CLARE, his fiancee.
A NYMPH.
THE FAUN.
1 Copyright, 1919, by Constance Wilcox.
PAN PIPES
(A FAIRY TALE)
f j jHE scene is an open hillside with long grass,
i sunlit and rippling in the wind. On either
"^ side woodland encroaches with old gray trees
and thick twisted undergrowth. A gnarled oak stands
out a little by itself, against a blue and white sky. A
shrill piping is heard to drift across from the wood. It
is high and eerie and suddenly melts into silence.
HARRY and CLARE appear from the back over the
curve of the hillside. HARRY is a stocky youth in the
latest of pink shirts and black and white check trousers.
He carries his coat over his arm and fans himself with
a very new straw hat. His face is red and hot and his
dark hair plastered in a wet straggle over his fore
head. CLARE is a tiny creature in bright green, her
hands thrust in the sagging pockets of her sweater.
She is capped with a turned up black and green silk
sport hat. Under its close brim her hair puffs out each
side of her pointed face, a bright straw yellow. She
is quite pale but gives the effect of color because of
her incessant motion.
HARRY
(Puffing]
Nobody here, I said as there wouldn't be,
63
64 PAN PIPES
CLARE
Oh, let's go just a bit further, Harry. It's such
larks, exploring. And I'm sure I heard something
a sort of whistling like.
HARRY
Wish it was an umpire's whistle. No such luck.
Well, it couldn't be no hotter on the bleachers than it
is here. Believe me.
(He wipes his forehead with a pink handkerchief)
And stiller'n the tombs at that.
CLARE
(Looking about)
I guess maybe it was just a locust I heard. But it's
greener up here than it was down there somehow. Oh,
it is pretty!
HARRY
(Wading forward in the grass)
Bugs and grass. That comes cheap. This is the
rummest excursion the Luxurio Stores ever put across
since I've been handlin' their taffetas. Lordy. Bare
foot dancin' by a gang of high brows in a Jersey side
track. Lordy. (He reaches the oak and stands pant
ing in its shade.)
CLARE
(With a little twirl)
They were class. Mrs. Gethem says they was
was nymphs, she said, in the real Greek colors.
HARRY
Cheesecloth, Dyed. Fifteen a yard wholesale.
PAN PIPES 65
CLARE
(With a toss of her head)
You're so bourgeoise, Harry. It's all the go these
separate dances. It was a dance to Pan they was doin',
the professor man told me. It looked like lots of fun.
(She takes a light step or two.) You go just where
you feel like. (She twinkles her fingers as she whirls,
as if play in g a Pan's pipe.) It comes natural. Isn't
that pretty? (Her hat falls off. She catches it, and
turns suddenly.) There you dapped your hands.
HARRY
(Fanning himself with his hat)
I did not. Give me a jazz fox-trot every time.
Not but what you've got 'em all tied to a standstill for
looks, Clare. Always had. I picked some winner for
my best girl.
CLARE
(Coming towards him, puzzled)
Some one did clap their hands.
HARRY
(Carefully spreading his coat on the grass under
the oak)
Some of the poor ginks back there applaudin' an
encore of the dyed cheesecloth and bare feet to get a
drag with the boss and his professor friend. Not for
mine. (He sits down on the coat and pats the grass
beside him.) If I've got to go to grass I prefers to
my company.
66 PAN PIPES
CLARE
(Dropping down quickly, beside hinij her hat in
her lap}
I like the grass. I do. And it smells simply won
derful. It's great up here just you and me in the
sun and green
HARRY
(Patting her hand}
Here's to it. But no fresh air fund stuff for yours
truly. Coney has the same green effect with good
little old railways running through it- Zip-wow
CLARE
(Pulling away with a little laugh. She spills over
backwards on the grass}
Oh and I'd just rather roll down this hill!
HARRY
What's eatin' you ? Want a little cheesecloth dress to
caper with the rest of the bosses' highbrow entertain
ers? Some little annual picnic. Lordy. They're all
crazy as katydids. And now you've got 'em.
CLARE
(Kneeling in the grass, arranging her rumpled tousel
of straw colored hair}
There's lots of things different from what you and
I have always known. The store and Coney and
the movies
HARRY
Not forgettin' some future manoeuvers with furni
ture on the instalment.
PAN PIPES 67
CLARE
(Busy with her hair)
There's other things. When we're all hustlin' in
the city 1 with so many people and houses about I don't
hear 'em. But up here. (She looks about.) It's as
if my mind just started talkin' to me because every-
thin' else was so still. There's lots of things we don't
know about, Harry.
HARRY
I'd just as soon do without. If the bare foot trip-
pin' about we was brought up here to enjoy's a sample.
CLARE
(Staring)
What's that you're sitting against, Harry?
HARRY
(Shifting, and revealing a squarish boulder, lichen-
covered and worn with time)
A stone. Look out or you'll give me the jumps.
CLARE
{Intently, as she moves near)
It's it's squarish, isn't it and flat on top and
oh it's got sort of marks on its sides.
HARRY
See here. The sun's gone to your head. Put on
your hat.
CLARE
(With a laugh as she jumps up and runs to the stone)
Oh, it is. I'm sure it is one of those stones the
68 PAN PIPES
professor was telling us about. He said there used
to be lots about the hills altar stones to Pan, he
called them. Funny oquare stones with a little scoop
in the top to catch the rain look, here it is
HARRY
(Edging away nervously)
Well, what of it? Why didn't the precious dancers
gyrate about this if it was so grand? I guess it was
too blooming hot for them. (He yawns.)
CLARE
(Excitedly, as she balances herself on the stone)
They would have if they'd known it was here, I
guess. That was who they was dancin' to Pan.
HARRY
(Stretching himself)
Who's he?
CLARE
But the professor says nobody knows just where
these stones will be or who put them here that's
the fun of it. Only only sometimes people used to
think Pan did it. He was a sort of god, you know
big and strong with hoofs like a goat, and lives in the
woods
HARRY
(Sleepily)
Bunk.
CLARE
They they said he used to come and drink out
PAN PIPES 69
of the rain water in the hollow and after that the
water was magic. Oh look! There's some here now!
(She dips her finger in it.)
HARRY
Bunk.
CLARE
But think what fun to have believed it. Oh I'm
sorry I can't believe it, too. I'm sorry they're noth
ing but fairy-tales. Don't laugh, Harry.
HARRY
(Who has slumped down on the other side of the tree,
and is now preparing for a nap}
I didn't laugh. I wasn't that entertained. (He
rolls up his coat and thumps it into a pillow.}
CLARE
(Indignantly, slipping off the stone}
You did laugh. I heard you.
HARRY
When you come to, wake me. (He turns over.}
CLARE
(Stamping}
Oh, sleep if you want to be so stupid. You're a pig.
Nothing but a big pink pig! (She shoves him with
her foot.)
HARRY
(Sitting up sulkily and looking very like what she just
called him}
Say, I guess you're just a little bit above yourself.
70 PAN PIPES
Ain't you, Clare? You have been ever since we come
into this silly wood. It ain't anything that's the matter
with your old Harry? Is it? You know I couldn't
breathe much if I thought that. (He pulls her wrist.)
CLARE
No. Of course not. It's just (She hammers
on the grass with one fist) that you don't understand.
HARRY
Now what don't I ?
CLARE
Oh just how I like the the grass and the sun
and everything. I could eat it.
HARRY
(Running his fingers through his hair)
It makes me sick. It does. It's enough to turn the
gall of any straight American. That's what comes of
taking decent people out to see these new fool fan
dangle idiotic dances in the woods to Gods what
never was anyhow and least of all here.
CLARE
Oh, they were they were It's not just the
country. It's not just Jersey or Greece or any place.
They were everywhere where there were woods.
HARRY
Yes and what do you get out of the woods? Ant
bites and dirt, and maybe a day's picnic that would be
a lot cleaner in good little old Coney. Or maybe you'd
PAN PIPES 71
like to be a farmer's wife? I guess you know what
that means all right. They ain't overfond of the sun
and woods what's all around 'em. What would the
country do for us? Put us in the hobo class in a
month. Leave the nature fakin' to the idle rich what
has automobiles to carry 'em away from it. Don't
you get your head turned by no high-brow picnic the
boss gives us all and a rotten slow one too if you
ask me. (He subsides towards his coat pillow.} No
back-woods life for us.
CLARE
But there must be some way of just enjoyin' it.
HARRY
(Recumbent}
There ain't no way. Flies mosquitoes hornets
dust and five miles to the nearest corner. Lordy.
Lordy. And hard on the feet (He shoves up one
yellow oxford-clad foot and surveys it.} I'm com
pletely busted. Say, Clare, you don't mind if I do
take a little snooze? This country life is rougher on
me for half a day than six months trampin' the aisle at
the Stores and no raise in sight here either. I'll
just rest up a minute here. You run along if you like
and see some more of the boss' bare foot entertainers
or get in with your friend the professor what planned
the boss' treat. Treat! Lordy!
CLARE
(As he settles comfortably down}
No-o. I'll stay here and keep off the hornets
(She fans with his hat.}
72 PAN PIPES
HARRY
(Drowsily)
Good little Clare.
(He sleeps. She continues to fan gently, and
then drops the hat slowly into her lap, and clasps
her hands on it, looking out over the field.)
(There comes suddenly the shrill quick piping
from the wood. It stops.)
CLARE
(Sitting up on her heels, and pushing back her hair)
Oh Yes?
( The piping comes again louder and stops as
suddenly as before. There is a slight crackling
in the wood.)
CLARE
Who is it? (She peers into the wood. Silence.)
Who is it? Harry did you hear that?
(HARRY turns over with a soft grunt. He is
dead asleep.)
( The piping sounds again very sharply. There
is a crashing in the undergrowth and then a
laugh.)
CLARE
(Starting to her feet)
Oh! That was what laughed before. (She
shivers.)
(Suddenly with a breaking of undergrowth a
girl tears out from the wood. She is very
slight with thin brown arms and legs twinkling
PAN PIPES 73
from a bluish green shift, and dark hair flying
out behind her. She stumbles on a root as she
comes into the open, recovers her balance and
flies over the ground. Her face is twisted back
over her shoulder and she is gasping with terror.
She collides suddenly with CLARE leaps back
and then grasps her again.)
GIRL
Quick. Run. Quick. He's close behind. Quick.
(She drags at CLARE.) *\
CLARE
Who is?
GIRL
(Pulling her along in an agony of haste. There comes
further crackling from the bushes she has just left)
Oh hurry. Hurry. Hell have us both. It's
Glaucos the Faun. He's there and he's seen us.
CLARE
(Holding her arm)
Oh, you're one of the dancers. What's the matter ?
GIRL
(Freeing herself with a frantic jump)
I must get back to my tree. I must. I shouldn't
have come out but I thought there were others.
Oh, he's close here. Stop him. Stop him !
(She bolts across the hill into the wood on the
other side, just as THE FAUN crashes out of the
wood behind.)
74 PAN PIPES
CLARE
Here. Stop there. Stop! (She gets right in the
way of THE FAUN who is running head down. He
recoils from the collision.) Aren't you ashamed of
yourself, chasing about like that!
(THE FAUN recovers his balance, and with a
sudden lurch seizes her in his arms.)
THE FAUN
Syrinx !
CLARE
(Freeing herself with such a violent wrench that THE
FAUN, taken unawares tumbles suddenly backwards)
How dare you! I'm not Syrinx!
THE FAUN
(Who has only bounded down like a rubber ball, and
is now crouched tense, in the grass looking up at her)
No? Not Syrinx? What are you then?
CLARE
(Angrily)
I'm Miss Clare Flaxon of the Luxurio Stores, and
there's my fiance there, Harry Markem. I guess he'd
like to wake up and see you treating me like that ! We
came out on the store's annual picnic and we saw you
dancing, but I don't think the boss would have much
to say to you if he saw you chasing about this way.
THE FAUN
(Speculatively)
I'll get her yet. (He grins and looks at the wood
opposite.) The minx!
PAN PIPES 75
CLARE
How could you chase the poor young lady so ! Even
if it was all play-acting she looked really scared.
You frightened her out of her wits.
THE FAUN
(Rising)
Frightened! Was ever creature so absurd! She
loves it. The chase. The wind in her face. The
excitement. The scant breath. She lives for it!
CLARE
She looked just exhausted to me. And I should
think she would be with all that dancing down there
in the glade and all the encores we gave them.
THE FAUN
What! (He stares and then drops suddenly back
ward on the grass and rolls about with shrieks of
laughter.} Oh, you thought her one of those dancers
in the glade one of those splay footed clumsy
heavy imitations. Oh, I shall die of laughter. You
thought her one of those creatures who hopped about
before people. Oh! OH! (He sits up suddenly
still shaking with mirth, and points a finger at CLARE.)
Oh, if she should hear it! She would strangle you in a
tree crotch, or bury you alive in running water. (He
bowls over again with laughter.)
CLARE
I don't see anything so funny. What is she then?
A prima-donna?
76 PAN PIPES
THE FAUN
(Sitting up on his haunches}
She is Cloris the nymph and her home is the birch
tree. And I (He stands up and stretches to his
full height.) I am Glaucos the Faun. (He is a
splendid brown creature with shaggy legs and a vivid
beautiful face. He wears a vine wreath in his rough
dark curls and a pan's pipe slung over his bare shoul
ders^)
CLARE
(Retreating a step)
Oh you look like Pan.
THE FAUN
Don't speak sacrilege Syrinx I am only a faun.
CLARE
Who who are you ?
THE FAUN
I have told you. The Faun, Glaucos. The dweller
in the hazel thickets.
CLARE
You you frighten me somehow. (She smiles un
certainly.) But I suppose it's only your funny way.
(She glances at the sleeping HARRY to reassure her
self.) Every one must have his fun.
THE FAUN
Yes! Every one must have his fun. So I came
out to-day. Oh, and it has been fun! Those dances
PAN PIPES 77
in the glade by those fat imitations ! I nearly split my
sides. (He laughs.)
CLARE
You're as bad as Harry. I thought they were very
pretty. So graceful and soothing sort of. It's a pity
there aren't any more nymphs and and fauns really
to dance. It would be nice. I'm kind of sorry there
aren't any.
THE FAUN
( Creeping towards her)
Oh, aren't there? Aren't there any? Who is it
runs through the woods at night? You can hear the
thud of their feet on the dead leaves. Who is it has
just left the undergrowth all trembling as you enter
it? Who laughs in your ear when you are alone on
the hills? Who watches from behind tree trunks, and
splashes just a little way up the brook? Who stole
those who went into the woods and never came out?
What was it you saw running in the fields at twilight ?
(His face is thrust close into hers.)
CLARE
(Recoiling)
Oh, don't! I'm afraid. Oh! It is silly of me
to be frightened at things that aren't real. Isn't it ?
THE FAUN
I am here. The faun. I am strong as wind and
hot as fire. Touch me. (He advances as she steps
back from him.) It is I who hurl the branches down
from the living trees in the storm. I am so strong I
78 PAN PIPES
can throttle the wood beasts with one hand while I
laugh.
CLARE
Horrible !
THE FAUN
Beautiful! Have you never run through the night
with the stars swimming all about you or plunged
in an ice black pool to come up ringed with silver
CLARE
I am dreaming. Like Harry, I am dreaming.
THE FAUN
(Standing above the prostrate and gently breathing
HARRY)
Like Harry! (He throws back his head and
laughs. He leans towards her.} Yes, dreaming per
haps. But differently. In your eyes is the flicker of
shadows in the wood brook. Your head when it turns
is the toss of the aspen. Your dreams are real to you
and I am in them not this pig.
(He stirs HARRY with his foot. HARRY turns
over on his back with a gentle sigh. His mouth
is open.)
CLARE
(Rushing to the rescue}
He is my man. Mine. My fiance, and he loves
me. And I do him. Go away whoever you are or
I'll wake him now.
PAN PIPES 79
THE FAUN
(Crouching, his face working}
Which is more real to you this snoring creature,
far enough away from you now in his sodden sleep, and
a future with him that you know no more of, in some
noisy, dirty slatternly city where you will become one
with the greasy ugly humans about where you will
lose all semblance of the loveliness you have now and
be some one you cannot even picture. Which is the
more real to you that or the whisper in your
ear that the hills are free to you take them take
them and the shimmer before your eyes that some
thing waits for you just over their crests? Syrinx
Syrinx (His voice grows soft a melting whis
per.) Do not wake.
CLARE
What are you?
THE FAUN
(Coming towards her)
I am the magic in life. Believe in me.
CLARE
I almost do.
THE FAUN
(Standing passive)
I am waiting Syrinx.
CLARE
(In a burst)
Show me something to prove you are real. Show
me!
8o PAN PIPES
THE FAUN
(With a little smile)
Once you have touched me willingly. Once I
hold you in my arms willing You are one of us.
You will know it.
CLARE
(Approaching him trembling)
How how will I know it?
THE FAUN
You will be as air and sunlight transparent to
human eyes. But you will be as free as they as
immortal. You will be young forever. Come. But
you must be willing. (His voice caresses.) Surely
to touch surely to be free cannot hurt you?
CLARE
I should I should love to be young forever.
(She touches his arm. She reaches up timidly
towards his shoulder. He seizes her suddenly
and kisses her. Then, still holding her, he
throws back his head and laughs loud and long.
CLARE struggles and frees herself with a jerk.)
CLARE
Oh, I am frightened. I am. It's horrible. Go
away. Harry! Harry!
(THE FAUN continues to laugh, holding its
sides. )
(HARRY sits up with a jerk. He looks about
him wildly.)
PAN PIPES 81
HARRY
(In a voice still thick with sleep}
That you? Clare? Are you calling me? Clare!
CLARE
Here I am. Here I am. Oh hold me, Harry.
I'm frightened.
HARRY
(Jumping to his feet, fully awake)
Clare! (He glares wildly about.)
CLARE
Here! Here! Before you. Don't you see me!
HARRY
(Lurching out towards her, and past her)
Where are you? Are you hiding, Clare? Is it a
trick? I can hear your voice just faintly. I'll
catch you yet. You wait. (He looks up the tree,
then around it.)
CLARE
Harry! Look at me! Look at me!
HARRY
(Peering into the branches of tLe tree)
That's what I'm trying to do. Oh, come on down,
Clare the joke's over. Where are you anyway?
THE FAUN
(With a sidelong leap, circling the tree, and peering
out from behind the trunk)
Anywhere everywhere in the shadow in the
82 PAN PIPES
sun, as long as the sun and shadow play. (He grim
aces, and blows in HARRY'S face.)
HARRY
Bother the wind. Clare where are you ? Clare !
Don't tease me like this. I never would 'a wanted
to hurt your feelings, Clare!
CLARE
(Sobbing)
Give him back to me! Let him see me! Take
away this awful thing. (She grovels in the grass be
fore the faun.) I feel something burning me. Take
it away.
THE FAUN
(Prancing just before her, pointing at her with out
stretched arm)
You gave willingly and it is given forever.
Laugh. And it will burn away all your memories.
CLARE
No. No. Help me. Help me.
HARRY
(Leaning up against the tree trunk, looking about)
What's that? I'm coming. (He starts away.)
CLARE
(Gasping)
No! I'm here. Here with you.
PAN PIPES 83
HARRY
(Returning worried)
Then where are you?
THE FAUN
(Coming near her, still pointing")
I will come for another kiss and then you will
be all with us. You will be an aspen tree, and your
bright hair will shake in the breeze with its leaves.
But when I call, you will break out of the bark, and
run until I capture you again. (He throws back his
head and suddenly capers off in a great circle, about
them.)
CLARE
I am here, Harry. Here at your feet. Only you
can't see me. (She gulps.) I I am bewitched I
think. You never will see me any more. I I will
be an aspen tree! (She collapses on the grass.)
HARRY
What's tnat? I can't hear you.
CLARE
The faun he came out of the wood and and
Harry, he kissed me. I let him. Forgive me. For
give me.
HARRY
(To himself)
I don't hear anything any more.
THE FAUN
(Approaching)
It's beautiful to be free Syrinx. As soon as you
84 PAN PIPES
laugh you will forget and I will come for you.
(He prances before HARRY.) She has gone into the
wood, man. Go after her. It is a pretty place, the
wood, with green thickets that might hide anything.
Come along. I'll show you. (He dances ahead.)
CLARE
(Rising)
No! No! No!
THE FAUN
Look at him. He doesn't hear you. He is only
a lump, and you are immortal with the sunlight now.
He will never hold you again. You are for me,
Syrinx. I will come back for you alone.
\ CLARE
I hate you. You are horrible. You have no heart !
Let me go back !
THE FAUN
(Dancing and pointing his finger at her)
Never. The immortals have no heart, and no mem
ory. Laugh and you will be an immortal. Laugh.
Laugh.
CLARE
(Sobbing)
Never to remember anything! Never to be human
again !
THE FAUN
When I return I will make you laugh. (He dances
PAN PIPES 85
off and circles HARRY.) Come seek your love in the
thicket, man and I will scratch you nicely. (He
laughs and plunges into the wood, HARRY after him.)
CLARE
(She falls face down on the old stone under the oak
tree)
Give me back my life! Give me back my life!
(THE FAUN and HARRY are heard crashing in
the underbrush. There comes the faint sound
of pipes, then Iqughter. Then silence.)
CLARE
(Sobbing on the stone)
Whoever you are God of the woods, you are
cruel, cruel!
(There is a breath of silence, and then a voice
speaks from the oak.)
VOICE
Who drinks the water on my altar?
CLARE
(Starting up. Her hand is in the little pool on top
of the stone and she shakes back her head, some
drops of its water flying from her hair.)
What is that!
VOICE
Who drinks from the stone that has been the drink
ing cup of Pan?
CLARE
I I do. (She puts her hand dazedly to her
mouth, and back again to the little pool.)
86 PAN PIPES
VOICE
Wish then. Pan tasted it this morning. Wish.
Would you have no fear? Would you be of those
who never die? Wish once. It is granted.
CLARE
What what do you mean?
VOICE
The stone is my altar. It is long since mortal has
tasted the water fallen there. But Pan still lives.
While there is wind and sun Pan lives.
CLARE
It it was true then. This was a magic stone.
(She touches it bewilderedly.)
\ 1
VOICE
I drank from it kt dawn. The water that has
touched the lips of Pan is breath of life to a mortal.
Are you afraid?
1 CLARE
No somehow I am not afraid any longer.
1 VOICE
Wish then. Once. \
PLARE
(Pushing "back her hair)
I I seem all bewildered. I have forgotten
things. It's so misty about and hot.
PAN PIPES 87
VOICE
Wish to live forever in the gold of the hills. Wish
to fly along the crest of the wind, to learn the secrets
of the river, to sing with the leaves in the wood.
Wish.
(There is a sudden crackling in the bushes.
HARRY emerges, disheveled and panting )
HARRY
I don't believe it. I don't believe that you've left
me. I wouldn't have done this to you, Clare. I
wouldn't. Won't you tell me where you are ? Clare !
Clare! It's all some dreadful nightmare. (He
plunges over towards the tree.) Clare! Tell me.
I'm done up. I am. I feel you're all about, and yet
you're hid. It's horrible. (He sits down under the
tree.) Oh, Clare, what have I done to you? Have
you got up and left me for good? You're not in the
wood or anywhere! (He pulls himself together and
stretches himself out, his folded arms over his face.)
She'll come back. She must. I'll wait here for her.
I'll do it if I die for it.
CLARE
Harry!
(He does not move.)
CLARE
Harry!
HARRY
I never meant to do anything wrong.
88 PAN PIPES
CLARE
Oh, I can't hurt you this way. It is horrible. Oh,
why can't you see me? Why can't you hear me?
You must! It is all a dream. Oh, I wish it were.
I wish it were a dream. I do!
(She leans back suddenly on the old stone. A
change comes over her face. She sinks down,
sleepily. HARRY stirs, turns over lazily, and
rises on one elbow.}
HARRY
(With a yawn, stretching his arms}
Ah-hum. (He sits up.} You still here, Clare?
I had a rummy dream.
CLARE
(Rising from the stone, a little unsteadily}
I I think I've been asleep too. I must have been
with some sort of queer dream. I don't remember
just what. My foot's asleep. (She stamps it.}
HARRY
(Rising, and picking up his coat}
I dreamt something was chasin' me. I couldn't
seem to get away from it. We went around in circles
and the funny part of it was you was mixed up in it
somehow. Well, I guess that's a sign we'd better
chase along. Picnic must be most over. (He rubs
his head.} Queer. I dreamt I was chasin' you, too.
And you wasn't at the picnic or nowhere. Just
laughed at me. It was hot, too.
PAN PIPES 89
CLARE
It is hot. I I don't think somehow it's as nice
here as when we first came. I don't guess I like the
country much after all. (She looks about.) It's sort
of queer and still and prickly.
HARRY
(Genially, putting his hat on at an angle}
What did I tell you? What about a good little
spin down the asphalt together and something ice cold
after a movie to-night when we get to town. Eh ?
CLARE
(With a sigh)
That sounds mighty good to me.
(He takes her arm. They move off slowly.)
HARRY
(Shaking out his coat, and readjusting it over his
arm)
I tell you what. Picnics is picnics and the coun
try's the country, even with free bare foot dancin'
thrown in but somehow it ain't exactly comfortable
if you ain't bred up on it. Now is it?
(They walk off behind the hill.)
The piping is heard again from the thicket. THE
NYMPH suddenly appears from the other side. She
dashes into the open, her hair flying out in the wind.
THE FAUN leaps after her They circle the open space
running madly and then plunge into the wood.
go PAN PIPES
FOR OUTDOOR PRODUCTION OF
PAN-PIPES
Any woodland glade will do very prettily for the
play instead of the scene in the meadow given. It is
nice to have some undergrowth through which the
Faun can crash, and a little vista where the Nymph
runs off through the woods. The Voice of Pan, of
course comes from a person seated behind the big tree
that is essential for a center (This person can also
very easily act as prompter.)
FOR INDOOR PRODUCTION OF
PAN-PIPES
At the back, a misty green gauze drop with slim
high trunks of trees cut out in flat soft gray silhouettes
against it. On the sides huge dark trees, their
branches meeting overhead. All the trees can be made
flat colored, and silhouetted to the audience. The ef
fect is very eerie and striking. In the center, the high,
dark gnarled oak with the rough stone altar beneath.
The light is the flickering green and gold of sunlight
in the woods.
It is better not to try to make the scenery of this
play realistic or elaborate. It is an elfin play, and
much depends on the suggestion of the uncanny.
FOUR OF A KIND
A PLAY FOR A BOAT
FOUR OF A KIND 1
A PLAY FOR A BOAT
SCENE. The deck of a small sailing craft.
TIME. A South Sea afternoon.
CHARACTERS
JAKE.
CRAWLS.
SMIKE.
WANG-SING.
FATHER JEROLOMEN.
1 Copyright by Constance Wilcox.
FOUR OF A KIND
ft jHE scene is the deck of a smallish sailing craft,
I the idle sails and rigging outlined against an
**~ Intense blue sky. JAKE and CRAWLS come out
of the cabin, and throw themselves d'own to play cards
in the shadow of the deck-house, JAKE is a burly
giant, his head tied with a red handkerchief, silver
rings in his ears, and his blue shirt rolled up over arms
as hard and brown as the ship mast. CRAWLS is a
little twisted creature in dingy black, with pasty face
and a nervous twitchy way. He props himself up
against the deck-house, with his thin legs out in front
of him, and holds his cards up close to his face. JAKE
is sprawled on the deck. There are counters a*nd
some small copper coins in front of them. In the dis
tance, FATHER JEROLOMEN promenades slowly along
the small space of deck in the vivid sunlight. His
head, in its black shovel hat is bent, and his hands
clasped behind him. He is very slight and stoop shoul
dered. He wears a black clerical robe.
JAKE
(Throwing down his cards)
Four Jacks. It's mine. (He pulls some of the
coins towards him.)
CRAWLS
(As he throws down his cards, with a sniffle)
That's the third time I've lost running. And there's
93
94 FOUR OF A KIND
only five of my bits left. (His voice is high and whin
ing.)
JAKE
(Shuffling)
You don't play bold enough, Crawls. It's like
walkin' with a crab to throw with you. Step up.
Step up. (He deals.)
(FATHER JEROLOMEN comes around tire cabin
corner. He stops and looks at the players.)
FATHER JER.
I am grieved to see this, my friends.
JAKE
(Without looking up- fr'om his hand)
Ah there, Father Jerolomen, we was just takin' ad
vantage of the cabin shade, while Smike in there
(He jerks his thumb towards the open door of the
deck house) 's asleep. 'Ed 'ave us out 'e would
but you wouldn't spoil the rest of a cojuple o' hard
laborin' sea-men what's run your craft proper for you
these weeks.
CRAWLS
We has to do somethin' or we'd strangulate whistlin'
for the wind.
JAKE
'Onest and 'armless as doves we are. (His eye
strays to CRAWLS' hand that is creeping towards the
pack of cards.) None of that now, you sneak, or I'll
crack your neck.
FOUR OF A KIND 95
FATHER JER.
(Shaking his head)
I don't like to see it. When the Hand of the
Lord has not seen fit to be with this voyage. When
we have been visited with disappointment. It doesn't
seem right for the three men who guide this boat to
spend their time dicing or in sodden sleep. There is
something ill-omened about it. (He moves on
slowly.)
CRAWLS
(With a high snicker)
I've got 'em, I 'ave. (He rakes the coins in.)
JAKE
(Throwing down his cards)
Ill-omened all right. What did we come for, I say?
What kind of a voyage is this that you get nothin' out
of? It's not like Smike to tote that fool priest home
after he found there wasn't no game attached. It's
humiliatin' and I don't like it. (He picks up his
cards.) Nice job for us what always made our bit
easy before and not waited for nothin'.
CRAWLS
(Pushing out his counters with a grin)
We wasn't goin' to wait for much if we'd found
anythin'. It'd been over the rail with 'im. (He
jerks his thumb towards the priest.) And quick. I'd
'a' like to seen it.
JAKE
But we didn't find nothin'. We've been had.
That's what. O' course there wasn't nothin' on that
96 FOUR OF A KIND
balmy island but sand. Eight weeks sailin' for
sand! Give me two and no fingerin' 'em there. (He
holds out his hand for the cards. CRAWLS gives a
sort of giggle.} What are you grinnin' at? You're
always snickerin' over somethin' these days. I'd like
to snicker you for good. I would.
CRAWLS
(Cringing}
I was just sayin' wasn't it comical like to be had by
a priest for nothin' but our pay. When we 'ad such
nice plans and all us three, and was so careful
hidin' 'em.
JAKE
The old shovel has foxed us. That's what. Him
and his Sainted Island and 'is Sainted pearls what was
never there.
FATHER JER.
(Appearing again around the corner in his walk)
Ah, my friends (He lifts his head, and surveys
them gently.) I cannot bring myself to believe that.
It was the vision of those great drops of Saints' tears
that led me into these strange waters, to recover them
for the altar. It is I who am unworthy. They would
not reveal themselves to me.
JAKE
We'd 'a found 'em all right if they'd 'a been there.
There wasn't nothin' in that old heap o' stones but
sandbugs. And you can take that straight.
FOUR OF A KIND 97
FATHER JER.
And this is the end emptiness. (He sits down
on an overturned bucket, his hands between his knees,
and looks before him dazedly.) For so long have I
dreamed of this voyage, of recovering those miracles
of Votive pearls from the ruins of that unhappy,
heathen desecrated monastery. Of putting my hand
under the very stone where the monks hid them before
the last horrible disaster.
CRAWLS
(Grinning to his cards}
The blacks slit up every one of 'em.
JAKE
What you ought to be.
FATHER JER.
(Oblivious)
And when I had found the courage. When I put
my very soul into the venture of this boat. Only
the hot cruel sea emptiness emptiness
and sand. (He buries his face in his hands.)
JAKE
( Throwing down his cards)
No fault of ours the place was empty. We thought
you was tellin' the truth. But they was dreams
that's what they was.
FATHER JER.
(Rising, with a burst of passion)
Dreams! Dreams! Mockery! (He goes to the
98 FOUR OF A KIND
railing and looks out over it.) And a burning, un
believing sky!
CRAWLS
Dream on, old crow back. (FATHER JER. walks
slowly away.)
JAKE
You're just a little too cozy with yourself lately,
matey. It don't sit well on you.
CRAWLS
I ain't cozy. (Whining.) Ain't I fooled with the
rest? Didn't I hanker after them pearls soft
with fair divvies for the three of us, when what we
had was 'ard sailin' with a 'cap o' sand at the end?
Ain't I got as good a right to talk as you ?
JAKE
No, you ain't. (Laying his cards down, face up.)
What 'ave you got?
CRAWLS
Four Aces. (He starts to draw the coins toward
him.)
JAKE
(Rising suddenly and falling on CRAWLS)
And I saw you sit on two and take another out 'o
your coat. You pock-marked octopus. (He twists
himself over the prostrate and almost obliterated
CRAWLS and throws out some cards.) There they
fly. Now we'll see about you. I'm fair sick 'o you.
FOUR OF A KIND 99
CRAWLS
(In a faint scream)
Jake Jake - Don't ! Don't !
JAKE
I'll learn you not to be a snickerin', sniveling smirkin'
hypocrite !
CRAWLS
It was only a friendly joke. I only meant it sporty!
Ooh! (He struggles.)
JAKE
(Dragging the writhing CRAWLS towards the rail)
You know what I said last time you sneaked. You
can be as sporty as you like over the side. (He
hauls CRAWLS up on the rail.)
CRAWLS
(Agonized and kicking)
No! No! I can't swim! I can't swim!
JAKE
(Lifting him a little)
Let the sharks get indigestion of you then. I've
had it long enough.
CRAWLS
Wait! Wait! Don't! I'll tell you I'll tell
JAKE
(Pinning him on the rail)
What'll you tell before you tell it to the sharks?
ioo FOUR OF A KIND
CRAWLS
(Desperately)
There was pearls!
JAKE
What!
CRAWLS
There was pearls. Father Jerolomen was right.
There was pearls in that old 'cap o' stones. And I
know where they are now.
JAKE
(Hauling CRAWLS, with a great heave, back to the
shadow of the cabin.) You do! Well, where are
they?
CRAWLS
I can't get 'em. I can't get 'em.
JAKE
I'll see you do. You'd thieve 'em from us. Would
you?
CRAWLS
I didn't thieve 'em. I didn't thieve 'em. Smike
took 'em.
JAKE
Srnike!
CRAWLS
Yes. He got 'em. He got 'em out o' those stones.
Gawd knows how he did it. But he kept 'em. You
know Smike.
JAKE
He's got 'em now?
FOUR OF A KIND 101
CRAWLS
(Gulping)
Yes. I come on 'im one night. 'E thought we was
all on shore gettin' provisions. 'E was in the cabin,
and I crept up in behind from the other way
through the galley and saw 'im. He had 'em out
twistin' 'em in 'is 'ands. They was long and
glistenin' in a rope, big and white as agates, and
some of 'em shin ; n' pink in the light and some
greenish
FATHER JER.
(Coming around the corner of the cabin)
There is an odd sort of craft coming up to us on
this side, apparently from the town. There are
heathen marks on its sides. A big man with a yellow
umbrella directs it, and it seems to be rowed by yellow
men.
JAKE
(Releasing CRAWLS with a shove)
A Chinese trader.
FATHER JER.
They appear determined to board us. What shall
I say to them?
JAKE
Tell them to go to the devil.
FATHER JER.
What would they want with us?
102 FOUR OF A KIND
JAKE
They'd cheat the fillin's out o' your teeth.
(FATHER JEROLOMEN hurries back.)
JAKE
(Seizing CRAWLS)
Where are they now?
CRAWLS
(Whining)
Why should I have to tell you? I've been
a-watchin' and a-watchin' them pearls for two weeks
now. Ever since we left the island.
JAKE
And 'opin' to sneak off with 'em as soon as you
were clear of us. Eh?
CRAWLS
It ain't no more'n you'd do yourself.
JAKE
Well, it's my turn now.
CRAWLS
You'll divvy?
JAKE
(Shaking him)
I'll do what I please. What about 'em now?
Quick. And if I don't find 'em I'll settle with you.
CRAWLS
They're all there. Every one. Great, round,
FOUR OF A KIND 103
milky pearls. There must be five hundred of them.
Jake you'll let me 'ave some ? You will ?
JAKE
Where are they?
CRAWLS
In the old lantern.
JAKE
What!
(There appears at the back, a yellow unbrella
over the ship's rail. This is attached to a large
Chinaman in gorgeous robes, and a scarlet silk
cap with a purple button and tassel. He ad
vances majestically but softly along the little
deck space. When he comes just behind the
cabin corner he stops.)
CRAWLS
He took and stuffed 'em in the bottom. He knew
we'd never look there, and there it's hung that old
lantern right in the cabin with forty thousand
pounds worth 'o white pearls in it.
JAKE
The sneakin' scorpion. And us with our bunks
forward.
CRAWLS
'E was goin' to wait, I know, until we was all off the
boat, and separated, and then 'e was goin' to be rich
rich and we'd never see 'im again. That's why
104 FOUR OF A KIND
'e was takin' the priest back. He don't want no
scandal. And I was waitin*. I was just waitin' till
we touched the mainland to get ahead 'o 'im. The
big bully. I was goin' to slip it over on 'im.
JAKE
We'll do that all right. We'll get 'em now. 'E's
asleep, and we'll do what we likes with 'im.
CRAWLS
No No 'E'll hurt us!
JAKE
Come on you sniveler
(He starts towards the cabin door, pulling
CRAWLS by the arm. They run right into THE
CHINAMAN. He has been standing with a
rapt, patient expression. His face is smooth
and round and placid, with a little fixed smile.
Over one arm is slung an assortment of silks,
beads, little bags and small boxes on strings.
FATHER JEROLOMEN now appears, hovering
behind him.}
THE CHINAMAN
Pretty day. Me Wang-Sing.
JAKE
Get out of here you.
WANG-SING
Wang-Sing come out to ships in harbor. Me see
ship just outside harbor, waiting for wind. Me come
FOUR OF A KIND 105
out here in boat. Say " how-do." Me show many
pretty things. (He untwists some of the silks on his
arm.) Silks, fans, beads, bracelets, incense
JAKE
Do we look as if we wanted that stuff?
WANG
(Placidly, arranging his wares, hanging the silks over
the top of the deck-house, and the beads on them.)
Me think you like look see. No b'long good joss
wait for wind outside harbor when no go to town.
Very fine bazaars in town. Wang-Sing have best of
all.
CRAWLS
(Disgustedly to FATHER JER.)
What did you let 'im on for?
WANG
Me come.
FATHER JER.
He seemed determined. (He inspects WANG-
SING.) A strange creature of great insistence. Not
without intelligence and perhaps open to conversion.
WANG
Very open. Mind very open. (He sits down
regally on the overturned keg. He holds his um
brella up with one hand, and gesticulates with the
other.) What say for fine striped silks, red, green,
purple painted with dragons for the coat? (He takes
io6 FOUR OF A KIND
some vials out of his sash.) This small jar per
fume. This one opium.
JAKE
(Sullenly)
Go choke yourself on it.
FATHER JER.
Opium !
WANG
(Smiling)
Very fine. Very good. Opium. Bring forget.
FATHER JER.
Wickedness ! Wickedness !
WANG
(Rising politely)
You b'long priest? You no like opium? Very
good for priests m their cells. Give dreams. Some
times the priests from the white -house behind the town
send for things in the bazaar. Buy opium from Wang-
Sing. Very like you those priests. Same straight
black.
FATHER JER.
No! (He seizes the opium from WANG'S hand.)
WANG
Very wise men. Very tiresome always in cell.
Wang-Sing sell forget.
FATHER JER.
Horrible! (He throws the vial on the deck. It
breaks.)
FOUR OF A KIND 107
JAKE
That's the way. Smash his goods for breakin' in on
our deck. Get out now. Don't you see the gent
don't like your ways?
WANG
(Mildly)
No offend. Only much waste. Too bad. Sorry.
(He fixes FATHER JEROLOMEN with his eye.) Opium
worth much gold. Very rare kind. Wang-Sing lose
money. Priest not do right by him.
FATHER JER.
(Unsteadily)
I I am sorry. I hardly know my own actions.
I have had a great sorrow, a terrific disappointment
a loss of all I hoped for. (He passes his hand over
his forehead.) You must excuse me. It is so hot
and strange here.
WANG
Sun go to your head maybe. Priest b'long in cell.
All cool there.
FATHER JER.
You say there is a Christian monastery here?
WANG
Oh yees. Clistian. Very big. White house in
desert. Priests like you come. Go in. Never come
out. Just behind town. On hill. You see maybe
from end of boat. Out in desert.
io8 FOUR OF A KIND
FATHER JER.
Quiet. Out in the desert. A heavenly quiet.
CRAWLS
Why don't you skip there then ? We .won't cry
over your goin'.
JAKE
Straight. We wouldn't.
WANG
More better than too much noise for priests. Not
get excited. No break good merchants bottles. Lose
much money. Very much cheat.
FATHER JER.
Don't speak that word to me. (He feels in his
sash and takes out a gold piece.) These seas and is
lands are a corruption and a sore on the world. I
sicken of them. Blistering, sweltering, thieving,
heathenish! The sand burns my eyes and the pitiless
sky scorches my soul. It would be the penance of
Hell to stay here. (He gives WANG the gold.
WANG takes it with a deep bow-, and bites it as he
bends.)
WANG
(Quickly, as FATHER JER. turns from him)
You take another? Just a little one for present?
Cumsha? Good-feeling from Wang-Sing to for
get? (He holds out a little vial.)
FATHER JER.
You fill me with horror. (He goes quickly behind
the cabin.)
FOUR OF A KIND 109
WANG
(Looking after him}
Him very upset. Master of ship muc'h disturb.
Why he come if find it like he say? Queer. Explain.
JAKE
(Nervously, fingering the silk}
Oh He's soft in the head.
CRAWLS
It's only his loony way. (He quickly picks up a
string of beads.} How much you sell?
WANG
All good jade. Me sell twelve pieces. Very fine
bargain.
CRAWLS
You fat old pirate! (He flings down the beads.}
WANG
(Fingering his stock}
Or you like fans? Very fine. Six pieces. All
painted ivory. Very cheap. Nice carved moonstones
rings jade frogs Anything but pearls. Very
sorry. No pearls.
CRAWLS
(Throwing himself on the silks and gathering them
all up in a heap}
You take your rubbish. We don't want any of
it.
JAKE
Yes. Skip. Quick,
no FOUR OF A KIND
WANG
Me no go.
JAKE
We'll see to that.
WANG
(Gently)
Me no want fuss. Call police. Very tiresome.
Me only say no go until something sell. Bad joss.
JAKE
(Plunging his hand into his pocket)
You clear out if we buy something?
WANG
(Bowing}
Sure. No fuss. No row. Just buy some little
thing.
JAKE
Give me that wooden box. Here's three coppers.
(He throws them down on the deck-house.)
WANG
(Quickly taking up the box)
Me have different price.
JAKE
Not another grain.
WANG
No, different. Little box very small. Just give as
present for something else. Exchange. Remem
ber ship by, no go unless exchange.
FOUR OF A KIND in
CRAWLS
Give 'im the yard arm.
JAKE
(Gathering up the pennies}
What^d'ye want?
WANG
Old lantern. Hang in cabin.
JAKE
What!
CRAWLS
(In a thin scream)
Aah!
WANG
Me like that. You have box. Me lantern. (He
pushes the box, smiling, across the cabin top.)
JAKE
(Making a dive for the door)
I'll get it for you.
WANG
(Blocking him)
No. Me get lantern. Wang-Sing take lantern
only as is. No take anything out. No change.
CRAWLS
You sneakin', spyin' thief!
JAKE
You'd listen. Would you ? I'll crop your ears for
ii2 FOUR OF A KIND
ye. (He lunges toward WANG who steps back and
claps his hands sharply.)
WANG
Observe behind you. ( The heads of three grin
ning Chinamen appear over the rail. They have bare
muscular arms, and knives in their hands.) My boat
men wait for me. Very active men. No good
argue with Wang-Sing. Not healthy.
JAKE
(Dropping his hold of WANG)
You yellow buzzard!
WANG
(He claps his hands and nods at the men. They
disappear)
Very good. Now we talk.
JAKE
What do you want?
WANG
The lantern.
JAKE
I'll see you throttled with your own fan cord first.
CRAWLS
And I'll help.
WANG
(Imperturbably, fanning himself)
No good. Bad to have fuss. Noise. Quarrel.
FOUR OF A KIND 113
Murder maybe. No. No. Bring police. They no
care for men who steal pearls.
CRAWLS
(In a wail)
But they're ours ours.
WANG
Wang-Sing no fool.
JAKE
What do you know about 'em ?
WANG
(Still fanning)
Wang-Sing know pearls belong priest. He look
for pearls some weeks ago in stones of old church.
No find. Ver' too bad. Wang-Sing hear many ways
in bazaar. Alia same pearls b'long priest. Police
come. He get them back. No one else get them.
Maybe you go jail.
JAKE
I'll give you a third of 'em.
CRAWLS
That's shares and everybody even.
WANG
(Advancing slowly towards the cabin door)
I give you each one two maybe. Keep quiet.
Otherwise call oolice.
ii 4 FOUR OF A KIND
JAKE
(Agonized}
Oh you made me tell you, Jake. You made me
tell and look wot it's come to now !
(As WANG sets foot on the threshold a loud
whistling is heard from the darkness of the
cabin within. WANG recoils.)
CRAWLS
It's Smike. 'E's awake. Now we're done, for
fair.
JAKE
I 'ope 'e breaks 'is neck.
CRAWLS
(Cringing)
Who's neck?
(SMIKE appears slouching in the doorway. He
is a tall, sallow man, in torn and dirty white
trousers and shirt. A wide shade hat is pulled
down over his forehead, shading restless black
eyes, and a long thin nose. He carries himself
with a swagger, and rests one hand on a pistol
in his dirty red sash.)
SMIKE
(With a shove of his hand that sends WANG back
a pace)
What were you doing coming into my cabin?
(From his voice he is just a little intoxicated, and
still sleepy.) Come on what were you doing?
FOUR OF A KIND 115
WANG
Many apologies. Much sorry intrude. Just make
friendly call. Me Wang-Sing. Good merchant. Me
just step inside cabin. See if need new silk for cush
ions maybe. Have got fine cheap silk.
SMIKE
I guess I can worry along a while longer without
any of your silk in my cabin. And I'd just as soon
shoot any yellow head on sight that comes in without
an invitation. Or any one else, either. Just hold on
to that. Keep out of my cabin. (He swings up onto
the deck-house top, and sits, dangling his legs over the
open cabin door.)
WANG
(Bowing)
Wang-Sing hear much of Mr. Captain Smike.
Him very good shot. Him much respect. His
boat, too.
JAKE
Us three's solid. You can drink that straight.
SMIKE
What's up?
CRAWLS
(Cringing and fingering the silks)
'E was cheatin' us, 'e was. The old yellow bull
frog 'ead. 'E was bullyin' us with 'is pirates in 'is
boat alongside there. We as 'as lost so much and
ain't got nothin'. We 'as 'ad a 'ard disappointment.
ii6 FOUR OF A KIND
WANG
Me poor man, too. Very poor.
JAKE
Yes. We've enough to swallow without 'im addin'
to it.
CRAWLS
We as is so 'ard up.
SMIKE
You don't seem able to talk of much else.
CRAWLS
It's an absorbin' subject.
SMIKE
(To WANG)
What did you come here for?
WANG
(Sitting himself on an overturned bucket)
Me come on business.
SMIKE
Just what business?
JAKE
'Old 'ard there now.
CRAWLS
(Shaking)
Yes. You be careful how you talk; we don't know
nothin' about it, remember.
FOUR OF A KIND 117
JAKE
And it's rotten business whatever it is.
WANG
(Gently)
Me come on good business. Very good. About
pearls.
SMIKE
(Softly, fondling his revolver)
Pearls? What pearls?
CRAWLS
Don't you listen to 'im.
WANG
(Calmly)
Me not know yet. Wang-Sing come 'board. Hear
much about pearls. Long string. Very fine. These
gentlemen want to get rid. Wang-Sing buy may-be.
SMIKE
(Shifting his gaze and his revolver to JAKE and
CRAWLS)
Very interesting story. Very. Which one of you
thought of this first?
CRAWLS
Oh, 'e come on us. I swear 'e did. The old fox
foot crep' up on us from behind while we was talkin'.
We never meant to slip nothin' over on you. Like
you was doin' on us. We just happened to find 'em
natural and we was talkin'
ii8 FOUR OF A KIND
SMIKE
(Slipping down from the deck house and advancing
on him}
Well, you sneak, Crawls. You won't talk much
longer.
JAKE
(Vindictively)
Yes. 'E was the one as found out where you 'id
'em. And 'e was goin' to sneak 'em out on you, 'e
was. Ask 'im what 'e's been plannin' to do these
weeks. I was the one as just found it out.
CRAWLS
Ask 'im what 'e was goin' to do when 'e made me
tell 'im. Take every one of 'em 'imself, 'e was.
SMIKE
(Still advancing)
I'll settle with him later. (His voice is very
smooth.) You was the first to find 'em. Was you ?
CRAWLS
(Screaming)
Don't you do nothin' to me. Don't! don't! If
you do 'e'll 'ave the 'Arbor Police on you. And you'll
jail for it! Don't you see 'e will? Don't you see?
WANG
Police come. Very tiresome. No can do good
business. No can do anything. Better fix up pearls.
Us four. All quiet.
FOUR OF A KIND 119
SMIKE
(Leaning against the deck house}
That's the trick. Is it? You three lyin', thievin',
piclcin' carrion!
JAKE
And what was you plannin' to do to us two?
Sneak off with 'em all to yourself. Keep 'em. Them
was your plans.
SMIKE
And there's nothin' between me and them but
you three. (He fingers his revolver.)
CRAWLS
(Terrified)
You can't! You can't! 'E's got a boat full o'
Chinamen over the side, and it'll 'ave all of us.
JAKE
Them pearls is ours, too or I split about them
wherever I am.
WANG
Pearls no b'long any one here. Pearls b'long
priest. Alia same very good pearls. Priest no know
how use them. Better not waste pearls.
SMIKE
I'm sick.
CRAWLS
You would hide 'em from us. You would keep 'em.
And now it's four instead of three. You can't say as
how you didn't start it.
120 FOUR OF A KIND
WANG
All fine. Divide pearls in four equals. One share
each of us four. Very good business. All square.
JAKE
And no slippery footin' it by any of us this time.
CRAWLS
Us four equals.
SMIKE
I'll see it's equals. Crawls, step in there and bring
out the lantern. I'll watch these two. No more
talkin' goes on here without my hearin' it and no
one gets in the close cabin. And if you're more than
four seconds haulin' that lantern out, Crawls, you're
dead. And there'll be no tellin' the police. Eh?
JAKE
That's straight.
(CRAWLS dives into the cabin, and instantly
there is a shriek of horror from him. JAKE and
SMIKE spring to the door. WANG starts up.}
SMIKE
(Leaning over the threshold)
What's that? What's that? Crawls!
CRAWLS
(Within, in sobbing gasps)
It ain't! It ain't! No! No! I never did
nothin' to it!
FOUR OF A KIND 121
SMIKE
(Reaching in and catching hold of CRAWLS, who is
writhing on the floor)
What are you slobbering about?
CRAWLS
The lantern! The lantern! It ain't there!
SMIKE
What! (He brings out CRAWLS with a jerk, and
throws him on the deck.)
JAKE
What! (He dashes into the cabin. He reappears
in the door.) It's gone. Clean gone.
. SMIKE
Gone! It was there all right. Crawls
CRAWLS
(Struggling up from the deck)
Look-a-here. Look-a-here. This paper. It was
'anging on the 'ook of the lamp and I took it. (He
brings up a piece of paper.) It says the priest's took
it. 'E's took it and gone!
SMIKE
What's that?
WANG
Tell quick. Or I call men. Big fight.
122 FOUR OF A KIND
i
CRAWLS
(Reading)
'E's took 'em. Your men and the boat, too. 'E's
paid 'em to take 'im ashore. 'E's sneaked off with
the boat. (Sobbing.} 'E says 'e'll send it back when
'e's safe in the monastery. 'Im and the pearls.
WANG
What's that? Pearls gone?
CRAWLS
(Reading agonizedly)
'E says 'e 'card us. (In a rising wail.) And 'e
was 'orrified and upset.
JAKE
The black 'opping 'ypocritical crow!
CRAWLS
'E says the boat was sent from 'eaven to 'elp 'im
escape. And 'e 'opes we'll reform!
JAKE
'E done us. I knew 'e would. 'E and 'is sneakin',
listenin' ways. 'E was always creeping up on us.
Listenin'. We might 'a known. There's no privacy
on this boat.
CRAWLS
They're gone! They're gone! (Sobbing.) 'E
sneaked in from the back, the galley way, while we was
talkin'
FOUR OF A KIND 123
JAKE
(Wrenching his arm}
Yes, the same as you sneaked in and saw 'em.
CRAWLS
(Giving way hopelessly)
The same! The same! Only 'e's got 'em! For
good!
WANG
(Striding about frenziedly)
No boat. No boat. No catch him. What can
do? Nothing.
CRAWLS
Not even our pay left! 'E says we're thieves!
SMIKE
(Falling on CRAWLS)
You'll pay for this. You sneak.
(See Note, page 124.) *
CRAWLS
(Struggling violently)
Who was it started it all ? Who stole 'em to begin
with? You! You thievin' vulture!
JAKE
(Falling on WANG)
It's you kept us from gettin' at 'em. You pirate !
WANG
(Falling on SMIKE)
Wang-Sing mad. Wang-Sing furious. Cheated!
Cheated ! Cheated !
124 FOUR OF A KIND
(They all struggle, shouting on the deck and
disappear into the cabin, still struggling.
* NOTE.
(If the struggle ending is found difficult and cumber
some on a small indoor stage this is an alternative.)
SMIKE
You'll pay for this. You sneak.
(He seizes CRAWLS and drags him, screaming and
struggling towards the boat's side.)
CRAWLS
(Resisting violently)
Who was it started it all? Who stole 'em to begin
with? You! You thievin' vulture!
(They disappear, fighting, behind the sail.)
JAKE
(Making for WANG)
It's you kept us from gettin' at 'em. You pirate!
WANG
Wang Sing mad. Wang Sing furious.
(As JAKE approaches, he gathers up his skirts, and
swiftly ducks behind the cabin.}
Get police. Remember. Get police. Cheated.
Cheated. Cheated.
(SMIKE suddenly appears from behind the sail,
without CRAWLS. JAKE draws a pistol and
covers him. SMIKE pulls his pistol at the same
time. They stand there measuring each other,
FOUR OF A KIND 125
the round, yellow face of WANG watching from
around the cabin corner. The curtain falls
slowly. After it has completely dropped, there
is one pistol shot.)
FOR OUTDOOR PRODUCTION OF FOUR
OF A KIND
The deck of a houseboat can be easily used for this
play if there is room for an audience. The action
of the play takes place in a very small space. A por
tion of the deck ten feet by six should be sufficient.
Father Jerolomen in his promenade, could even walk
back through the audience, and come back again for
his cue. A small rowboat with the Chinaman and
his crew can be moored close to the side of the boat,
in such a way that the audience does not see it. The
Chinaman simply appears over the side of the boat
at his cue.
126 FOUR OF A KIND
If the boat used is a sailboat, the action can take
place on the deck, the audience being seated in the
cockpit and in small rowboats about. Or the audi
ence may be on a wharf, and the play take place on
a small sized sailboat moored close to the wharf.
In this case, the sail should be up, hiding the small
boat with the Chinamen.
FOR INDOOR PRODUCTION
This play could be very simply given on any im
provised stage. Almost no scenery is necessary. A
bright blue backdrop for the sky a corner of sail
drawn across it, below it the deck rail rising about three
feet above the deck, a few coiled ropes, and an over
turned bucket. At one side, the suggestion of a low
roofed cabin, with a door. The curtain rises on Jake
and Crawls playing cards on the deck, and falls on
the confusion of the general fight. The lighting
should be very bright, making sharp black shadows,
and vivid yellow spaces of sunlight.
THE PRINCESS IN
THE FAIRY TALE
THE PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
A GARDEN FAIRY STORY FOR CHILDREN
SCENE. A garden in a fairy tale.
TIME. A summer afternoon.
CHARACTERS
THE PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE.
THE OLD NURSE.
THE DRAGON.
THE PRINCE IN THE FAIRY TALE.
BILLY TRAVERS.
THE KING IN THE FAIRY TALE.
THE QUEEN IN THE FAIRY TALE.
THE Six LITTLE PRINCESSES.
THE Two HERALDS.
1 Copyright, 1919, by Constance Wilcox.
THE PRINCESS IN THE
FAIRY TALE
(NOTE)
f j jHIS setting is purely fantastic, and meant to
I be achieved by an indoor production. The
^ suggestions for outdoor production are at the
end of the play.
The scene is a garden. Four tall dark cedan
guard it at the back, and behind their high silhouettes
is a vague woodland, with slim tree trunks gray against
a twilight mist, filled with an eerie, dim, mauve light.
In the foreground, a round fountain, with one bright
jet of water springing up from its clear pool. THE
DRAGON lies by the fountain, his silver scales gleaming
softly. As he lies, his horned head, with its scales and
alligator jaw, rests peacefully on his outstretched front
claws. His eyes are closed, and he is breathing gently,
a little blue smoke coming from his wide nostrils.
The little PRINCESS is seated on a low stool by the
fountain, sewing. She is dressed in a very short white
ruffled pinafore, with a crown embroidered in one
corner, and her plump little legs in their white socks
and black strap slippers are crossed primly before her.
She has a quantity of beautiful fair hair hanging like
spun silk, loose over her shoulders, and she wears a
129
i 3 o PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
very small high pointed gold crown. Her round pink
and white face is all screwed up in her attempts at
sewing as she jabs in and out of her embroidery.
THE OLD NURSE sits on a stool a little behind, at
the right of the PRINCESS. She is very fat, and dressed
in voluminous leaf brown, with a wide frilly cap fram
ing her wrinkled face, topped by a pointed black witch
hat.
The light in the garden is clear, and yet very soft,
with an odd bluish tinge, like the edge of twilight.
The sky above the dark cedars is a deep twilight blue.
THE NURSE
(In a droning voice, as her head nods back and forth
on her ample chest}
" A moonbeam floateth from the skies
Whispering ' Heighho, my dearie; (She sighs sleep>
ily}
I would spin a web before your eyes
A beautiful web of silver light,
Wherein is many a wondrous sight
Of a radiant garden leagues away
Where the softly tinkling lilies sway
. . . Heighho, my dearie! '
EUGENE FIELD.
( With a deep sigh, her voice trails away and she sleeps.
THE DRAGON joins her with a gentle snore.}
PRINCESS
(With a sudden vicious jab of the needle}
Ouch! (She puts her finger in her mouth.}
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 131
NURSE
(Waking with a start, and rushing to the PRINCESS
shaking her by the shoulder}
Drat the child! Take your thumb out of your
mouth! (She fishes a handkerchief out of the PRIN
CESS' pinafore pocket.) And let three drops fall on
your handkerchief at once! What sort of a Fairy
Tale Princess are you to let an opportunity like
that go to waste. Oh, dear, Oh, dear! (She tries to
squeeze the PRINCESS' finger over the handkerchief.)
PRINCESS
(Jerking her hand away, and sticking her thumb in
her mouth again)
I will put my thumb in my mouth. I will. I will.
(She beats a tattoo on the stool with her heels.) I
won't put three drops on my handkerchief to make
another old fairy tale so it can be lost, and the
Dragon eat it, or the pixies steal it, or the Prince find
it. Of course he would find it and come flourishing
back with the silly thing to me. They always end the
same way. I'm tired of 'em. I am. I am! I'm
sick of being the Princess in the Fairy Tale! Yah!
NURSE
You can't help that, my dearie, because that's what
you are, and that's what you must be until the Fairy
Lands fall into dust.
PRINCESS
They're all asleep now. I'm going to run away.
(She jumps up, and puts her embroidery on the stool.)
132 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
NURSE
You can't do that, my dearie, because it's all a
dream, and you are part of it.
PRINCESS
(Stamping her foot)
Then I will wake it up !
NURSE
(With a little chuckle)
You are part of the Fairy Tale even when you
lose your temper. The Princess in the Fairy Tale
can frequently do that. ( The PRINCESS swiftly runs
out her tongue.) But they never stick out their
tongue. No. No. Naughty.
PRINCESS
(Jumping up and down)
I will be naughty! My foot's asleep. And I'm
tired of being the sweet little Princess with golden
hair, who waits around and waits around, and never
does anything interesting, but sits in a tower window
or under a tree with a dragon, and is rescued each
evening by the same little sissy Prince !
NURSE
That's what makes the Fairy Tales. We each have
our part to play. (She tries to straighten the PRIN
CESS' pinafore.) Now you mustn't get your clean
pinafore all mussed, and your hair tumbled. It's al
most time for the afternoon Story of the Dragon. I
heard the owl hoot the first three times in the wood.
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 133
That means the Prince has started on his journey.
He'll be here soon.
PRINCESS
(Jerking away as the NURSE tries to arrange her hair)
I don't want him to come. I don't want my hair
smoothed. It's always being brushed, and fussed with,
and last time the little silly tried to climb to the tower
window on it he pulled dreadfully!
NURSE
(Soothingly)
But think how nice to be rescued from the dragon,
and have all the trumpets blow, and the King and
Queen come into the garden and order the cannon
shot off, and the banquet and the march of triumph
around the dreadful dragon.
PRINCESS
He isn't a bit dreadful. He just sleeps and never
even looks at me. He isn't half the nuisance the
Prince is. I wish he would beat the Prince up for
once.
NURSE
Oh, no, no. That wouldn't be according to law.
And then think of all the festivity when he is van
quished !
PRINCESS
I don't think it's fun. And they never let me sit
up for the banquet and I hate walking in a silly
procession and trying to keep off the long trains. And
I want my tea!
134 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
NURSE
There. There. Sit down and finish the nice cob
web embroidery you are working for the Queen's birth
day. It will never be done. You can leave a space
for the evil Fairy to finish one corner.
PRINCESS
(Sitting sulkily}
Can't I ever have any fun? I want my tea.
NURSE
Just you be good, my dearie, and I will get you the
tea. You shall have it right after the story with the
Dragon.
PRINCESS
With strawberries?
NURSE
With strawberries and sugar comfits. I'll go see
to them now. Be good. (She puts the PRINCESS'
crown into place.} Just think of the dragon. He
never gets any tea.
(She goes out, briskly at the left, vanishing
behind the trees. The PRINCESS sews for a
moment, then stops, looks over her shoulder to
make sure the NURSE has gone, slips from her
seat, and tiptoes to THE DRAGON, who is still
snoring very softly.}
PRINCESS
(In a whisper}
Dragon! (A little louder, and moving nearer.}
Dragon !
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 135
(THE DRAGON stirs uneasily, and breathes an
especially deep snore. The PRINCESS gets
down softly on her knees, picks a long blade
of grass, and tickles THE DRAGON'S nose
with it.)
PRINCESS
Dragon! (She tickles his nose.)
DRAGON
(Moving a little)
Ur-umph! (He puffs out a lot of blue smoke.)
PRINCESS
There's a dear! (She tickles one ear.)
DRAGON
(In a very deep grumbly, sleepy voice)
Ur-umph. What d'y want?
PRINCESS
(Sitting back on her heels)
Wake up, Dragon.
DRAGON
(Turning a little and opening one eye)
What for? 'Tisn't time yet. You can't fool me.
I know it like a book. What y' disturbing me for?
(He closes his eye again.)
PRINCESS
I want to talk to you! (She leans forward and
tickles his ear.)
136 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
DRAGON
Talk then. But don't whisk that thing about me!
(He shakes his head peevishly, and opens his eyes.)
PRINCESS
(Getting down close to him in a whisper)
Dragon. Eat him!
DRAGON
(With a prodigious yawn, showing his huge Crocodile
mouth and teeth)
Eat who?
PRINCESS
(Clapping her hands)
That's it! You have such a beautiful, big, red
mouth and such long teeth. Eat him for me, Dragon.
Eat him!
DRAGON
(Rolling his eyes at her reproachfully)
I'm not a cannibal. I eat grasshoppers only, and
precious few and stringy they are since the fairies
have such a fad for riding them.
PRINCESS
Then scare him, Dragon. Open your mouth and
bellow, and frighten him, so he'll run and never come
back.
DRAGON
Who?
PRINCESS
The Prince.
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 137
DRAGON
I couldn't do it.
PRINCESS
Oh, yes, you could. You have no idea how soft he
is, and little and fat. And easily scared!
DRAGON
But that sharp bright sword of his! He flicks it in
front of me. And my eyes are weak.
PRINCESS
That's all he does. He doesn't know how to use it.
And he's so used to your just lying down and letting
him walk on you, that he'd never stop running if you
just once turned on him and snapped. Oh, do, there's
a darling, Dragon. Then he wouldn't bother me any
more. And he is such a tiresome little boy.
DRAGON
(Reflectively, blinking his eyes)
I don't see why I should. I don't see what I get
out of this. (He grumbles deeply.) For that mat
ter what do I ever get out of anything, but a few
hours' sleep and that disturbed
PRINCESS
I am so sorry. But it is so important. As a fa
vor
DRAGON
I don't see that it is important. Here I am very
comfortable. What's the use of stirring everything
138 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
up, and goodness knows what might happen? How
do I know but he might accidentally jab that sword
in my eye? And I'm not as spry as I used to be. He
might beat me anyway. And think of the humiliation
of that!
PRINCESS
He wouldn't. He's the scaredest little thing,
really !
DRAGON
Even at that, where do I come in? Nobody ever
pays any attention to me anyway, and if the Prince
went away I would lose my job. I can hardly feed
myself as it is. And no one ever invites me to tea.
(Ruminatively.) And I have always loved candies.
PRINCESS
I will. I will give you half my tea. It's to be a
lovely one. With strawberries and sugar and
DRAGON
Candies?
PRINCESS
Comfits. Pink ones. Just chase the Prince a little
way, Dragon, dear, and you can have all the comfits !
except one.
DRAGON
How could I get at the Prince? They'd never let
me do it here.
PRINCESS
(Eagerly clasping her hands}
You could go to meet him. In the wood. And
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 139
then he would be surprised. He wouldn't have a
chance. And run! (She laughs.} Just one beauti
ful blue snort from you and my he would run !
I should love to see it. Come. Quick. (She tugs
at THE DRAGON'S claw, and he slowly lifts himself.}
DRAGON
I am to have all the comfits.
PRINCESS
How greedy. But never mind. Just one switch of
your tail and a good roar as if you meant it, and
don't forget to open your beautiful red mouth. (She
drags him towards the wood.}
DRAGON
You say he is very gentle ? He always looked quite
vicious to me with that long sword.
PRINCESS
He's really very little and fat.
DRAGON
(Doubtfully}
Well, I hope so. As a matter of fact I never have
got a good look at him for all we meet every day.
You see there is so much blue smoke to breathe out, that
it fogs up the atmosphere, and then he flashes his
sword, and, as I said, my eyes are a little weak. I
always close them just as soon as I'm conquered so I can
sleep as much as possible.
HO PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
PRINCESS
(Impatiently}
Yes. Yes. But hurry. You will meet him at the
edge of the wood. He must be almost there now.
DRAGON
(Rolling his eyes}
But how do I know after all I won't mistake him?
He's always wearing some new costume, and I'd hate
to stir up any of those spiteful tempered little pixies.
They'd prick me all over with thistles.
PRINCESS
The pixies never come out till the moon is up.
And the Prince is the only one who ever comes through
the fairyland wood. He'll be a little boy without any
horns on his head like the pixies, and he'll come along
the highroad between Fairyland and the Outside, and
turn into the wood. And then, one big snap and a
growl and blue fire, and you can come down for tea
with me. And nobody will disturb us.
DRAGON
Little and fat. You're quite sure he'll run?
PRINCESS
Oh, quite.
DRAGON
Gr-umph. (He puffs out blue smoke.} This is
quite an adventure. I feel almost young again.
Gr-umph! (He turns into the wood.}
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 141
PRINCESS
(Dancing up and down)
Isn't it fun! Good-by, Dragon, dear.
DRAGON
(Turning to look back)
All the comfits, mind. Don't you eat any before
I come.
PRINCESS
Good-by. Good-by. (She waves, as THE DRAGON
slowly crawls through the wood. His silver scales
gleam for a moment among the trees and then vanish
in the mists.)
(There sound three hoots of an owl. The
PRINCESS turns with a jump, and looks about
anxiously.)
PRINCESS
It isn't time yet, I'm sure. Oh, I hope he isn't too
late. He's such a ponderous old thing! (She looks
into the wood after THE DRAGON.)
(The PRINCE in the Fairy Tale enters sud
denly from the right, emerging from the bushes.
He is a plump little boy in a purple Fauntleroy
suit with a deep lace collar, and a golden sash.
He wears a little soft velvet cap with a long
white feather, and his hair falls to his shoulders
in neat yellow curls. He is very pretty, with
a dimpled chin, and carries himself with a
little swagger, pointing out his buckled slippers
as he walks, A jaunty short velvet cap swings
i 4 2 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
from his shoulders, and in one hand he carries
a very long unsheathed rapier.}
PRINCESS
(Seeing him, with a little cry)
Oh now you've spoiled everything! (She ad
vances on him.) How did you get here and it's
long before the time!
PRINCE
(With a low bow and a sweep of his cap}
Charming Princess. Behold, the Prince is here.
(He has some difficulty managing both the very long
sword and the cap.)
PRINCESS
(Plumping down on her little stool)
I could just cry with vexation! (The PRINCE puts
on his cap and takes an airy step, flourishing the
sword.) Well how did you do it? Sneak up on
me like that. You're always doing something silly.
PRINCE
(Loftily)
My Fairy Godmother met me, if you must know,
and brought me here in her private chariot. It was
very nice of her to save me all that walk through the
wood and the briars. I would have been a little
late otherwise.
PRINCESS
(Flouncing off the stool)
Yes. Prinker. You like to have your hair
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 143
curled. I bet you were trying on lace collars to
see which was the most becoming!
PRINCE
(Touching his collar)
This is a new one. For my birthday. (He flicks
his sword.) And this, too. (He tries a fencing at
titude.}
PRINCESS
Oh do stop that. I know you can't use it. It's
ridiculous and as long as you are.
PRINCE
I certainly can. (He looks around.) Why,
where's the Dragon?
PRINCESS
(Clasping her hands and taken aback)
Oh, dear. You have upset things!
PRINCE
But where is he?
PRINCESS
(Recovering herself)
Why should I know? (She retires and stands
aloofly looking into the wood.) Your business is to
rescue me from him.
PRINCE
But what will I do if he isn't here?
i 4 4 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
PRINCESS
(Scornfully)
You never have any ideas.
(There comes a sudden bellowing from the
wood.}
PRINCE
(Jumping back a foot}
What's that!
PRINCESS
Oh, what can have happened to the Dragon!
(The bellowing becomes louder, and is min
gled with a crashing of a heavy body approach
ing rapidly through the wood.}
PRINCE
The Dragon !
PRINCESS
Yes. It's all your fault. Now he may be be
witched or eaten some catnip or something, and eat
us both! (She runs terrified, back to the fountain.
The PRINCE leaps away still further.}
PRINCE
But he can't do that! Why, I always must van
quish him!
PRINCESS
But I've upset everything! Goodness knows what
will happen. Oh, dear!
PRINCE
This is awful! (He runs to the furthest corner of
the garden, followed by the PRINCESS,
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 145
(THE DRAGON appears, rushing through the
wood, bellowing and blowing blue smoke. He
tears, down into the garden, howling. A small
boy leaps after him shouting and throwing
stones.
DRAGON
Oh! Oh! Stop him! He's killing me! (He
races around the fountain in long snaky twists, fol
lowed by the joyously shrieking small boy.}
BOY
(Throwing stones}
Ki-yi ! There's one on your nose !
PRINCESS
(Rushing out and stopping the boy by force}
Here, you. Don't you treat my Dragon like that!
BOY
(Stopping}
Oh was it a pet of yours? (He is a sturdy little
boy with short touseled brown hair, a round freckled
face, heavy boots and stockings, corduroy knicker
bockers, and a rumpled brown shirt.}
PRINCESS
It is. You shouldn't throw stones in Fairy Land.
PRINCE
(Stepping out from behind the PRINCES^)
It's our Dragon.
I 4 6 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
PRINCESS
And you've been treating it abominably!
DRAGON
(In a wail}
You said he was soft and little and fat ! I
knew he was vicious! Why, he's made of India rub
ber and has the disposition of a wildcat ! I only spoke
to him, and he was after me like a thousand hawks,
throwing stones! Soft! Little! Ooh! I'll never
believe you again!
PRINCESS
You got the wrong one, silly.
DRAGON
I told you n>y eyes were weak and I puffed out
so much smoke nobody could tell. You said the
Prince was the only boy would come into the wood.
I'm all over cracks and bruises! Ooh!
PRINCE
(To DRAGON)
What did you let a common trespasser in for?
DRAGON
I don't want him. (He crawls off, breathing
heavily, and lies doum at the far right.}
BOY
Well, he said he wanted to eat me. I met him up
on the edge of the wood there. And he made faces
at me, and stuck out his tongue. Of course. (He
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 147
plunges his hands into his pockets.} No one can
do that not even your pet animal. You see that.
I had to show him.
PRINCE
(Advancing)
I vanquish him every day.
BOY
(Fanning himself with his cap)
Hot work.
PRINCE
It doesn't disturb me at all. I just come. And he
lets me walk on him.
BOY
You're pretty fond of yourself. Aren't you?
PRINCESS
(To the BOY)
What's your name?
BOY
Billy. What's yours?
PRINCE
I am the Prince in the Fairy Tale.
BILLY
I didn't ask you, curly-locks. (He tarns to the
PRINCESS.) You seem to have a lot of spunk for a
girl. And any one with a pet like that would have,
of course. What is your name?
i 4 8 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
PRINCESS
(Uncertainly}
I I'm not quite sure.
BILLY
That's funny. (Decidedly.} Well, it ought to be
Margery. I know a girl at home called Margery
who has hair like yours. She's a very nice girl.
PRINCESS
I think you are a very nice boy. Will you stay
here with me?
PRINCE
(Pushing in}
She's the Princess in the Fairy Tale of course, just
as I'm the Prince. And this is our private Fairy
Garden. How did you get in, and who are you, and
don't you know you're trespassing? You must go
right away.
DRAGON
Yes. For heaven's sake, don't keep that wild-cat
in our garden.
PRINCESS
I will keep him. I will. (She drags BILLY by the
hand.} He will stay and teach me to throw stones
nicely as he does. What kingdom did you come from
Billy?
BILLY
(His hands in his pockets}
Why, I live in the little white house by the Gro
cery store on Main street.
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 149
PRINCE
Well, you don't belong here. How did you get
here?
BILLY
I was just walking along, and I chased a squirrel up
to the edge of the wood and then I met this this
creature here. And there didn't seem anything for
me to do but chase him when he stuck out his tongue
I guess I came pretty far.
PRINCE
You can go back now.
PRINCESS
No. You're going to stay here. I like you. You
can be the Prince.
PRINCE
I am the Prince. I am. I am.
PRINCESS
(Taking BILLY'S arm}
Prove it then. (She drags BILLY away a little.}
Teach me how to throw stones. I have a golden ball
to play with. (She takes a golden ball out of her
pinafore pocket.)
PRINCE
Wait till my Fairy Godmother hears of this!
BILLY
(Taking the ball)
You are a sissy. This is a pretty jolly ball. (He
throws it to the PRINCESS.)
150 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
PRINCE
(Almost weeping with rage)
I'll call the King and Queen and Nurse.
PRINCESS
(Running joyfully back and forth as she and BILLY
throw the ball)
Don't cry and muss your curls !
PRINCE
(Furious)
Curls yourself! (He throws himself on the PRIN
CESS and pulls her hair violently.)
BILLY
(Pulling him away)
Drop that!
PRINCE
(Still clutching the PRINCESS' hair and kicking)
I won't! I won't! I will pull her hair. She's
my Princess and a mean thing to treat me so
and you're a big bully and a donkey. (He kicks out
madly at BILLY.)
PRINCESS
Beat him up, Billy! (She jumps up and down.)
PRINCE
(Falling on BILLY)
Donkey! Great ugly donkey!
BILLY
I can't stand that! Donkey yourself. (He tussles
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 151
with the PRINCE and throws him.) You would call
me names!
(The PRINCE lies sobbing on the grass, BILLY
on top of him.)
PRINCE
You'll be sorry for this!
BILLY
(Rising and dusting himself)
You're not hurt really. I only gave you a little
punch.
( The PRINCE raises himself just enough to pull
a little tin horn out of his sash t and blow a
shrill penetrating blast then throws himself
down again.)
PRINCESS
Oh! Now he has done it!
BILLY
What's up!
PRINCESS
You'll see. Look! (She points to the left.) It's
the King and Queen in the Fairy Tale. Of course
he had to go and call them!
(Through trees at the left come slowly the
KING and QUEEN, very gorgeous in trailing
gold and ermine robes. They both wear high
spiked gold crowns and the KING carries a
massive gold scepter. They are followed by
two heralds in gold and scarlet, with long
152 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
trumpets! and then six little Princesses in a
row. The Princesses are all of a height, with
tiny gold crowns on their long light hair, and
white gowns reaching to their feet. They wear
wide blue sashes, and appear very, very young
indeed. Last, comes THE OLD NURSE, bear
ing a tray with tea and cakes.)
THE QUEEN
(Rather peevishly, as the procession approaches)
It does seem to me that the Dragon was killed very
early to-day. And I had reached such an interesting
chapter in my novel.
THE KING
Never mind, my dear. It hardly ever takes more
than ten minutes to read the award.
THE QUEEN
The trumpets always make my head ache and the
cannon
THE KING
Maybe we can omit the cannon to-day.
QUEEN
Oh, do.
PRINCESS
(Watching the procession as it circles toward her in
a stately way)
They will be vexed, when they find out.
BILLY
What's up, especially?
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 153
PRINCESS
Everything. It's all twisted and wrong. You're
here, and the Prince is there, and the Dragon over
there. They will be annoyed.
BILLY
Who are they anyhow?
PRINCESS
The King arfd Queen in the Fairy Tale, of course.
And they have the extra princesses with them, and
the heralds to trumpet for the defeat of the Dragon
and the triumph of the Prince and look at him.
And they do so hate to have anything go wrong!
BILLY
But what is it all abouf?
PRINCESS
This is the end of a Fairy Tale day, of course. And
everything should come out all nice and smooth, and
the sunset gun go off to announce at the same time
the death for the day of the Dragon, the freeing of
the Princess, and the triumph of the Prince saving
gunpowder.
BILLY
So it's a Fairy Tale?
PRINCESS
Of course. I'm in it and you and everybody.
We're all a Fairy Tale.
154 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
BILLY
Not much I'm not. I never did care for Fairy
Tales.
PRINCESS
You're in it now.
BILLY
I guess I'll be going. I never had much to do with
kings and queens.
( BILLY starts to go, but the KING, QUEEN
and the little princesses have made a complete
semi-circle around the garden, and he brings
up short.)
KING
(Putting on spectacles, as he unrolls a scroll in his
hand)
What's this?
PRINCESS
(Springing after BILLY, and seizing his hand)
It's the new Prince!
OLD NURSE
( Waddling forward with the tray, and putting it down
on the stool at the right)
Oh la la. Something new.
PRINCE
(Rising with a wail)
He is not. I am the Prince.
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 155
QUEEN
(Distastefully)
What a mess he's in.
PRINCE
(Pointing at BILLY)
It's all because of him. He knocked me down.
He insulted me. He came into the garden uninvited
and threw stones. He's nothing but a common boy
from outside.
KING
Dear. Dear. This is very tiresome. Where's th\e
Dragon ?
DRAGON
(Rolling himself up painfully)
Here.
KING
You seem very decently beaten up.
DRAGON
I am.
PRINCESS
And Billy did it. He should be the Prince.
PRINCE
Yes. He came into our garden and threw stones
at our Dragon. Throw him out !
QUEEN
(Taking out a book from a pocket in her dress)
Why have so much argument?
156 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
PRINCESS
I will keep Billy.
PRINCE
But he insulted me, and he is only a common boy,
and lives next to a grocer!
PRINCESS
And he beat you up, too. That shows he's a better
Prince than you.
PRINCE
But I am the Prince!
KING
Dear. Dear. This is very unusual.
QUEEN
(Looking up from her book)
I don't see why it's unusual. It's only in another
form. Somebody vanquished the Dragon and at the
same time, the competing Prince. Therefore that
somebody is the real Prince. In disguise, no doubt.
(She returns to her book)
KING
(Doubtfully)
Do you think so, my love?
QUEEN
Certainly.
PRINCESS
(Jumping up and down with joy)
Of course! Of course!
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 157
KING
Very well then. Sound the trumpets. (The her
alds lift their horns.)
PRINCE
But what about me? I am left! Wait till my
fairy Godmother hears!
KING
Dear. Dear. This is very upsetting. No one
should be left.
QUEEN
(Dropping her book to look at the PRINCE)
He can have one of the other Princesses. They
look about his height.
KING
(Doubtfully)
But I don't like spoiling the set
QUEEN
One is sure to be snatched by an Ogre or fall into
the river sooner or later. She might just as well go
with this Prince. The Fairy Tale must be completed.
My dear (She turns to one of the little Princesses.)
Here is a Prince for you. Curtsey when you're
spoken to and mind you are good to him and keep
him dusted. He seems to be bent on making a mess
of himself. (She returns to her book.)
( The little PRINCESS steps out, looking shyly at
the PRINCE.)
158 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
PRINCE
I don't want her. She's a baby.
KING
(Testily)
Well you'll have to take her. You couldn't keep
the other. Sound the trumpets.
QUEEN
She's very nice tempered and had all the proper
gifts at christening. A little attention and society
will do wonders for her.
KING
Let the cannon boom as the sun sets. (The her
alds sound a blast, and it is followed by a distant
boom of cannon.)
QUEEN
That's enough. (The heralds put down their
horns.)
KING
(Adjusting his spectacles, and reading very rapidly
from the roll in his hand)
The Dragon is vanquished. The King and Queen
rejoice. The trumpets sound. (The heralds sound
their horns.) And the cannon
QUEEN
Not again.
KING
Have boomed. And the Prince What is your
name, young man?
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 159
BILLY
Billy Travers.
KING
And the Prince Billy Travers and the Fairy
Princess
PRINCESS
Margery. I want to be called Margery.
KING
And the Princess Margery lived happily ever after
to the tune of dancing and feasting. (He rolls up
the paper. The heralds sound a blast.) Let there be
dancing and feasting. (The heralds produce lutes
that were slung over their shoulders and play a gay
tinkling tune.}
DRAGON
(Rolling up to THE OLD NURSE, who is standing by
the tea tray)
Did you bring out plenty of comfits?
NURSE
(Slapping him on the snout)
Not for you, I didn't.
KING
(Bowing to QUEEN)
May I have the honor, my love?
QUEEN
(Taking his hand)
Mind you don't step on my train. (She picks this
up over her arm and she and the KING dance.)
160 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
PRINCESS
(Seizing BILLY'S hands)
You dance with me. (They whirl around.)
DRAGON
(Bowing to the NURSE)
Allow me, Madam.
NURSE
(Taking his claw and dancing sedately)
Remember my age.
DRAGON
And my joints. (BILLY and the PRINCESS join
them, making a square.)
PRINCE
(To the LITTLE PRINCESS)
Do you dance?
LITTLE PRINCESS
Yeth, pleath. (They dance with the KING and
QUEEN, making another four.)
(The heralds stand at the back, and the other
little Princesses dance around the fountain.)
PRINCE
You're not a hoyden. Are you? I think I like
you best anyway.
LITTLE PRINCESS
Yeth, pleath,
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 161
QUEEN
(Stopping}
There. That's enough. My crown is almost
awry, and we must get to supper before the peacock
pies are burnt. I faint with hunger.
KING
Sound the trumpets. (The heralds sound the
horns, and turn to go out, followed by the Little
Princesses.)
PRINCE
(Taking the hand of his PRINCESS)
We'll sit together at supper; you can save me your
owls' tongues if you don't happen to care for them.
PRINCESS
Yeth. Pleath. (They turn and go out.)
BILLY
But-
DRAGON
I don't half like this
QUEEN
No one ever has anything to say after the end.
KING
Good-night, my love. Nurse, see that she goes to
bed particularly early after all this unusual excite
ment. The new Prince may stay to tea with her
as a special treat. (The procession moves slowly
162 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
PRINCESS
(Jumping up and down)
Oh, goody! And it does serve that little sissy right
to get one of my sisters. They are such babies and
have never said anything but yes or no yet !
(The procession winds out of sight. The twi
light deepens in the garden.)
DRAGON
(Curling himself up painfully)
This is beastly rough on me This is. I don't
like my new boxing partner one bit. (He rolls his
eyes at BILLY.) We'll have to get in a little practice
on the side, and I'll show you the right spots.
BILLY
Oh I won't bother you any more. If you're
polite.
PRINCESS
You'll have to. Every afternoon and some
times in the .morning. But then we can play with the
Golden Ball between times. It will be fun.
BILLY
BILLY
But I can't stay here, you know.
PRINCESS
(Running to the tea tray, and dragging it stool
and all into the foreground)
Oh, yes you must. You will stay here forever
and ever and we will play with the golden ball
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 163
and maybe we'll be allowed to see the fairies dance
if they ever do it before sunset.
BILLY
Excuse me, but I'd rather not.
PRINCESS
Why, what do you mean?
BILLY
I'm I'm not particularly used to fairies and such.
PRINCESS
Oh, I'll tell you all about it while we have tea.
BILLY
I don't think I can stay for that.
BILLY
Well it must be about supper time home and
mother'll be expecting me. We're to have hot cakes.
Not but what you've been a very jolly little pal
and I thank you and all that.
PRINCESS
But he can't go Can he, Nurse?
NURSE
(Who stands, solemnly against the dark cedar}
The way out of Fairy Land is always open.
1 64 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
BILLY
Yes that's it. I couldn't live in a Fairy Tale, you
know. Now could I ? (He approaches the PRINCESS,
who looks about to cry.) I don't look as if I would
go into a Fairy Tale now do I ?
PRINCESS
(Gulping)
I think you are per-perfectly lovely. And I would
love to have you for a Prince. But you don't like
me!
BILLY
I do. I think you are a very jolly really corking
Princess and just as spunky as if you weren't in a
silly Fairy Tale at all
PRINCESS
(Brightening)
Oh do you?
BILLY
Of course I do.
PRINCESS
Perhaps we'll see each other again someday.
Outside, maybe. I don't intend to always live in a
Fairy Tale when I grow up.
BILLY
Perhaps we will. Fairy Tales aren't much.
Good-by, Princess. (He holds out his hand.)
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 165
PRINCESS
Margery
BILLY
Good-by, Margery. (They shake hands.)
PRINCESS
Good-by.
( BILLY turns towards the wood. The PRIN
CESS follows him to the edge.)
BILLY
( Turning at the edge of the wood)
Good-by.
PRINCESS
Wait for me when you get outside!
BILLY
You bet I will. Good-by. (He disappears among
the trees.)
PRINCESS
Good-by! (She waves until he is out of sight.
Then, with a little sob, she breaks down.) And I
haven't any Prince or anything!
DRAGON
(Uncoiling himself)
There are always plenty of Fairy Tale Princes.
But I dare say you'll run away to this one just the
same Violent tempered creature. You never can
tell what will please a woman.
166 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
PRINCESS
(Cheering up, and coming towards him)
I will. I will.
NURSE
Eat your tea now. There's a good girl. Or the
owls and the pixies will get it it's that late.
(She moves off, and disappears in the gather
ing darkness, right. A big yellow moon rises
slowly behind the wood. The weird mists and
interlacing tree branches and trunks are pricked
out with light. The fountain glitters very
bright in a shaft of moonlight, that falls on
THE DRAGON, and gleams on the hair of the
PRINCESS.)
DRAGON
And what about me ? Where's my tea ?
PRINCESS
You didn't do the right thing at all.
DRAGON
But I did the best I could. Don't I get any com
fits? You promised them all to me.
PRINCESS
We will divide them. (She and THE DRAGON sit
down to tea.)
(From the left, THE OLD NURSE is heard
singing softly.)
" A brownie stealeth from the vine,
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 167
Singing, ' Heigho, my dearie,
And will you hear this song of mine
A song of the land of murk and mist
Where bideth the bud the dew hath kissed?
Then let the moonbeams' web of light
Be spun before thee silvery white,
And I shall sing the livelong night
Heigho my dearie ! '
[CURTAIN]
1 68 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
FOR OUTDOOR PRODUCTION OF THE
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE
Any garden, or any woodland, can of course be used
for this play. The setting given is only a suggestion,
and naturally could not be achieved in anything but
an indoor production.
For an outdoor garden production, the initial en
trance of the Princess, the Nurse and the Dragon,
could be made in a sort of little procession through
the garden. The Princess first, sewing as she walks,
the Nurse following, singing softly, and the Dragon
trailing grumpily some distance behind. They could
take their places, the Nurse and the Princess on their
little stools, and the Dragon sleeping by the fountain
and the play start just as it is given.
For a final exit, the Princess and the Dragon could
walk off hand in hand, the Princess holding the tea
tray, and the Dragon eating a cake as he walks.
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
SCENE. A garden.
TIME. A summer afternoon.
CHARACTERS
People of Mother Goose Inn
MOTHER GOOSE.
MOTHER HUBBARD.
SIMPLE SIMON.
MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY.
LITTLE TOMMY TUCKER.
Wayfarers
THE TROUBADOUR.
THE TROUBADOUR'S LADY.
CAPTAIN ADVENTURE.
HERO.
VICTORIA.
H. JAMES.
AlNSLEE McCLURE.
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
r I jHE scene is a garden with a fountain in the
I center. The grass is very green, and the ring
"^ of flowers around the fountain pool bright
with color. Behind the garden is a woodland, and a
little white gate leads into it from the garden. A
wooden sign painted in gay colors, swings on a post
by the gate. The sign depicts a white goose, with a
high peaked black hat, against a scarlet background.
Beneath it is printed in clear white letters.
MOTHER GOOSE INN. WELCOME. A bell
and a rope hang under this. There is a little painted
table in the garden, some painted chairs, and a prim
little bench under a cedar tree.
MARY comes through the little green arbor at the
left into the garden, bearing a watering pot, and be
gins to sprinkle the flower beds, humming. She is a
trim little person in a flowered dress, and frilly white
mop cap. The head of an old lady in a white cap
tied with long strings appears around the corner of the
arbor, and SIMON comes out of the arbor quickly.
SIMON is very tall and lanky, dressed in tight shabby
brown, twirls his cap in his fingers, toes in, and wears
his thin fair hair long.
171
172 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
OLD LADY
(Calling after SIMON)
Now mind you bring plenty of Pies, Simple Simon.
The larder is quite bare of them.
SIMON
(With a flourish)
" Pat-a-cake Pat-a-cake Bakers' man, Bake me a
cake as fast as you can. Pat it, and prick it, and
mark it with T, And there will be enough "
OLD LADY
" Jack be nimble Jack be quick, Jack jump over the
candlestick ! " Go along with you and don't stop to
listen to Tom the Piper's son on the way.
SIMON
I'll fly Mother Hubbard. "Handy spandy
Jack a Dandy Loves plum cake and sugar candy.
He bought some at a baker's shop, And out he came
Hop-hop-hop! " (He emphasizes this with great hops
of his long legs. The OLD LADY draws in her head.
SIMON skips over the grass, singing.) " Mary, Mary,
Quite Contrary, How does your garden grow? With
silver bells and cockle shells, And Pretty Maids all in
a row! " (He chucks MARY under the chin.)
MARY
(Giving him a push)
You are a Simple Simon. How Mother Goose can
ever run her Inn with you doing her errands is a
riddle to me!
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 173
SIMON
" Riddle-me, riddle me, riddle me ree " Mother
Goose is a wise old lady. She knows the value of
Simples, like Simple Simon, and keeps them busy.
(He nods his head.)
MARY
Busy enough. (She waters the flowers diligently.)
Those who work in Mother Goose Inn find plenty
to do. What with Old King Cole calling for every
thing all at once, and Jack and Jill having to be
patched up every minute and all the children of the
Old Woman who Lives in a Shoe to be fed hot broth
there never was such a busy Inn as Mother Goose
Inn.
( Two languishing Italian figures come slowly
through the wood, and stop, looking up at the
sign. The slim young man has his arm around
the girl, and she is enveloped in a torn purple
and scarlet cloak, which hides all but her bare
feet in broken sandals, and a rough plait of
reddish hair. The man has a gipsy face with
long dark curls. His clothes are dirty and
torn, but of lovely old reds and blues, and
worn with grace. He carries a broken lute
over one shoulder. They both limp a little,
and are plainly exhausted.)
YOUTH
(Leaning over the gate, and speaking in a sonorous
voice)
Hail happy folk within a garden,
174 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
SIMON
Customers, Mary.
MARY
(Turning quickly)
Good-day, pretty Sir, Good-day, pretty Lady. (She
drops a curtsy.)
YOUTH
Hast thou seen, maiden, a fountain in this green
wood a fountain springing all purpled from the
earth, purpled and filled with crimson lights of love,
and gushing up till it licks the stars like a great
flame?
SIMON
(Who has listened, enthralled)
Indeed sir, and how can a fountain which is water,
be a flame, which is fire?
YOUTH
(Turning melancholy eyes on SIMON)
I see that you have not drunk of it, for you do not
understand poetry. He who drinks that fountain
shall live forever bathed in the golden light of poetry
which is the quicksilver of the fountain.
SIMON
Did you say gold, Sir, or silver?
YOUTH
(Rapturously)
Gold and silver and thousands of great purple
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 175
stars! Have you seen such a fountain, or know of
any one to direct us?
SIMON
There is the Pieman. He goes to every house
for every man must eat.
THE LADY
(From the shoulder of the YOUTH)
Alas, Alas. They know not of the fountain.
YOUTH
The world is full of commonplace and gluttony
while we fast by the wayside.
MARY
I don't know of any fountain such as you de
scribe but I can give you a drink of water. And
something to eat. Mother Goose Inn always satisfies
its customers.
YOUTH
(Leading the LADY in through the gate}
Not water. Wine. Scarlet wine. Hot with
spices. (He and his LADY sit limply on the bench
under the cedar tree.} Spices to revive the soul of
the Troubadour and his Lady.
MARY
(Uncertainly}
We have ale for Old King Cole
176 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
YOUTH
(Waving a long han.d)
Anything Anything that sparkles and has
color. (MARY hurries off through the arbor.) The
world is very evil and dark and the thorns are sharp.
No one heeds us. We must drink from what cup we
can, to wet our parched lips.
SIMON
(Approaching with a wave of his cap at the fountain)
That water there is very wet, Sir. Jack and Jill
once spilled a whole pail full, and Polly Flinders built
a fire to dry them
YOUTH
Peace gangling fool. (He slings his broken
lute from his shoulders.) Hark, I will sing to my be
loved, of the Fountain we seek.
(SIMPLE SIMON sits down cross legged, and
watches them, open mouthed.. .The LADY sighs,
and throws back the hood of her cloak, reveal
ing a wan white face between the red braids.
The TROUBADOUR sings to the lute with great
difficulty because half the strings are gone.)
Fountain Fountain which springs from the earth
to make all men young fountain, silver fountain
which quenches all fires as it lights them
SIMON
That is not possible.
YOUTH
Silver silver fountain Giver of Eternal Life
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 177
Let the Troubadour find in your silver silver
for his pocket silver for his soul silver for his
crown lest the world forget him and he dies
LADY
Alas Alas.
YOUTH
Lest the world forget him (A string of the lute
snaps. He stops and glares at SIMON vjho has
scrambled to his feet.) How dare you interrupt!
SIMON
I thought you were finished, Sir when you said
" He dies."
TROUBADOUR
(With a melodramatic spring to his feet)
Yes. I die. I die. The Troubadour of all Ro
mances the wanderer through Golden Italy
France of the Lilies, and England of Arthur's Knights
I perish. My lute is broken. No one will listen
to my songs. (He sinks down and buries his face in
his hands.)
LADY
No. No. Beloved. We will find the fountain
and drink of eternal life. Others have found it.
Why not the Troubadour?
TROUBADOUR
(His face still buried)
What is wrong with my songs that they go un
heeded ? Why cannot I sing and the water spring
178 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
from the earth like a living flame in answer to my
voice ?
SIMON
(Standing before them troubled twisting his
cap)
It seems to me, Sir that your song has too much
of refrain in it and too little matter. Perhaps peo
ple would like it more if it had more matter for
instance (He starts to sing.) "Mary Had a
Little Lamb. Its fleece was white as snow. And
everywhere that Mary went " (The TROUBADOUR
springs wildly to his feet. SIMON retreats a step, but
still regards him with a deprecatory smile.) Now
there's a neat littk song.
TROUBADOUR
(In a husky voice, feeling for the dagger at his belt)
I will not stay to be insulted. You shall not live
to do it. My ancestors were of Boccaccio Villon
Angelotti (He raises his dagger )
(During this last speech, a burly figure has
pushed its way through the gate into the gar
den. He is evidently a Sea Captain from his
great boots, and weather beaten face framed
with brass earrings.. .He wears, however, a
huge shabby velvet hat, with many draggled
plumes, awry over the red kerchief binding
his head. His suit is of dark, stained and dirty
velvet, with a great red sash full of pistols and
cutlasses. He advances with a swaggering
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 179
stride, and seizes the uplifted hand of the
TROUBADOUR.)
ADVENTURE
Odd's blood What's this? No murder here
and Captain Adventure on the deck! (He wrenches
the dagger away. THE TROUBADOUR shrinks back.
THE CAPTAIN wipes the dagger with a bright red and
yellow handkerchief and sticks it in his belt.} A
pretty toy. (MARY has come out with a tray con
taining a pitcher, and two goblets. THE CAPTAIN
seizes the pitcher as she comes up to him.} Yo
ho. Rum! (He drains the pitcher. THE TROU
BADOUR and his LADY shrink together.}
TROUBADOUR
Ruffian!
LADY
(Clinging}
Beloved. Touch him not. We would live to
drink of the fountain.
ADVENTURE
(Setting the pitcher back on the tray with a bang, and
wiping his long mustache}
A mild drink. But bring more. I'll pay in doub
loons. Never say Adventure is a thief! (He
swings himself down into a wooden chair, his legs
stretched straight out in front of him. MARY goes
out again with the tray.}
i8o MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
SIMON
(Nervously)
But the wine belonged to the other gentleman. The
one with the dagger you know.
ADVENTURE
( Contemptuously )
Such sucklings should have neither weapons nor
drink.
LADY
(Caressingly to the TROUBADOUR. They have sunk
down on the bench)
Heed him not, beloved. One can see he is only a
tramp an outcast from the world whose words and
deeds are not hearkened to. He will never reach the
fountain. (She leans against the TROUBADOUR'S
shoulder. He whispers in her ear, and picks on his
lute.)
ADVENTURE
(Fishing a couple of gold coins out of his pocket and
carelessly tossing them up in the air)
Tell me young cockerel hast seen a fresh water
spring hereabouts? In a cave it would like to be,
or in the heart of a volcano. Very like it is guarded
by a ruffianly band of smugglers those whos' cap
tain has a black patch over one eye. But Adventure
will throttle them. S'Death I will throw them all
single handed and when securely bound, make them
walk the plank into the cold sea for the sharks.
Ha Ha!
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 181
SIMON
(Who has been listening breathlessly)
From the volcano sir?
ADVENTURE
What is a volcano more or less to Adventure?
{He seizes the jug again from the tray of
MARY who has just returned. She takes it
from him, just as he is about to drink from it,
pours out a glass for him, and turns towards
THE TROUBADOUR.)
ADVENTURE
A sly wench that and neat. (He takes her wrist
as she turns.) Wench have those bright eyes
seen a little clear water freshet hereabouts It
would belike be on a sandy shore near a spot of buried
treasure where no foot of man had ever trod be
fore.
SIMON
Who was it you say buried the treasure Sir?
ADVENTURE
Answer or know the weight of Adventure's
wrath. Hast thou a .map with a cross at such a
Spring?
MARY
No, Sir. There is only the well that Jack and
Jill draw water from every morning
ADVENTURE
Foiled! Foiled again! That Adventure should
&
1 82 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
come to such a pass, that he should look for a little
Spring of fresh water wandering on the highroads
looking for fresh water when the breath of his life
is the salt wave the salt spray the salt wind
(There is a jangle of the bell under the sign,
and MARY, who has been helping THE TROU
BADOUR to wine, hurries towards it.)
But I tell you varlet
(He glares at SIMON, who stands, fascinated,
his toes turning in and his mouth open.}
If I do not find that Spring I shall soon die strang
ulate perish Captain Adventure will rot as the
beasts that perish in the desert islands. I who have
sailed the salt wave
(MARY comes forward, supporting an almost
fainting lady, in full white skirts and a blue
ribboned scoop bonnet that completely hides her
face. A reticule dangles limply from her inert
black-mitted hand. A dapper gentleman, his
fawn color trousers, and tight lavender coat,
much the worse for travel and frayed at the
edges, follows anxiously. He carries a huge
beaver hat of fuzzy fawn color in one hand,
and a neat little carpet bag in the other. His
light curls are very beautiful, and his frills
once, no doubt, impressive.)
THE LADY
(In a faint murmur)
Salt yes salts where are my salts I must
have them.
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 183
(MARY sits her in a chair and produces a bot
tle of salts from THE LADY'S reticule. The
GENTLEMAN leans over the back of the chair
and solicitously gives THE LADY her salts.)
GENTLEMAN
My dearest Victoria. I indeed grieve that the road
has fatigued you. (He turns to MARY.) My good
girl. Could you perhaps find in this excellent and
worthy Inn some sustenance for this lady? She is
faint.
SIMON
We have good Jack Horner Pies for the hungry.
And Queen of Heart's Tarts too
VICTORIA
(Feebly, brushing away the suggestion}
I am not hungry at all. I am never hungry. Some
times I take a little berry or a bit of lettuce leaf
merely for appearances.
ADVENTURE
(In a jovial roar holding out a goblet of ale}
Rum. That's what you need, m'am. Rum.
VICTORIA
(Collapsing}
Oh the great rough man. My dearest Hero,
is there not some way of avoiding all this dreadful
publicity? Is there not some quiet modest little cor
ner where the roses grow, that we can retire to in
peace? We, who have but so lately started on our
1 84 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
life's journey if indeed (She produces a hand
kerchief and delicately touches her eyes} we finish it
together ?
HERO
Can you not see, Sir, that there is a lady present,
and she of delicate mold and fainting?
MARY
Let me get her some curds and whey now. It's very
nourishing, and delicate too. And some Curly-Locks
strawberries with sugar and cream. (She turns to go
off.)
HERO
Bring me some black-bird pie. And here's sixpence
for yourself, my good girl. (MARY curtseys and goes
out through the arbor.}
VICTORIA
(Faintly}
I thirst. Let me lean against your arm, Hero.
TROUBADOUR'S LADY
(Leaning over gently offering her a cup}
Will you have some of my wine lady? It is
sweet to the taste, and refreshing as warm new milk
and Saints' tears.
VICTORIA
(Shrinking away}
No, thank you. (She turns her bonnet up to HERO.)
My dearest Hero, do you think this garden is quite
proper? I don't think I quite approve of the way they
speak.
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 185
HERO
My dearest Victoria, it is all very distressing. But
we will soon find the fountain and our troubles in life
will be past.
VICTORIA
(Resorting to her handkerchief}
Oh, my dearest Hero if we do not find the foun
tain we shall perish! We are already shabby with
hardly enough money for our tombstones. It is hardly
genteel! And we on our honeymoon!
TROUBADOUR
(Embracing his LADY)
We too are lovers. We live on the red fruits of
love.
VICTORIA
(With a gasp}
Hero I am sure they are not proper! Let us
leave! (She arranges her bonnet and reticule.}
MARY
But madam, Polly has not even put the kettle on
yet. There's nothing like a good hot dish to bring
folks together Why, Jack Sprat and his wife only
got together over their dinners
VICTORIA
So material. So middle class. Hero, dearest, ask
her the way. I am so helpless in asking directions.
SIMON
Like the three blind mice
186 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
VICTORIA
(With a little shriek)
Ooh! (She clings to HERO, nervously pulling him
away. )
HERO
My excellent maid, can you tell me if there is a
palace in this wood?
MARY
(Arranging the table)
There is the Sleeping Beauty Palace, Sir but the
way is thorny.
TROUBADOUR
(Soulfully in an undertone to his lute)
The thorns may circle our path but their points
will but show us our way pricked in red drops of
blood
SIMON
(Edging up)
I know a song something like that " There was
a man in our town, and he was wondrous wise. He
jumped into 'a bramble bush and scratched out both
his eyes But when he saw his eyes were out
With all his might and main He jumped into
another bush And scratched them in again."
TROUBADOUR
Peace, bleating fool. We speak of poetry and
song
SIMON
Like Tom the piper's son
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 187
VICTORIA
(To HERO)
My love. That might be the palace. Sleeping
Beauty, a fashionable cure no doubt and the place
for fountains. Ah, and we would endure any thorns
to reach this fountain. Did you say, my dear, that it
was a beautiful Crystal Palace? I am sure it would
be in a Crystal Palace that the fountain would be
found.
SIMON
(Helpfully")
There is the glass house where we throw, stones.
VICTORIA
(Eagerly}
Is it very beautifully furnsihed with lambrequins
and antimacassars and red plush chairs, and tables with
albums ?
HERO
(Clasping her)
Just as we will furnish our own home, Victoria !
VICTORIA
The fountain will be in the front hall, springing
from a gilt statue with a lamp surrounded by a fret
work of iron and red glass The fountain coming
from Nature's heart and going on forever like dear
Lord Alfred's brook
SIMON
How does the brook go round the red chairs, ma'm ?
i88 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
VICTORIA
Will it not be perfect joy my own? We will
drink of it, and live forever in the Crystal Palace. I
faint to think of it. (She applies her salts.) Such
bliss !
ADVENTURE
(Pulling his chair up to the table, and plunging into
the pie MARY has just put down)
Flumdiddle! Brick-a-brack! S'blood!
(TROUBADOUR and his LADY draw up timidly
at the opposite side of the table.)
HERO
(Picking up his carpet bag)
Have you seen such a fountain and such a palace,
my good fellow?
SIMON
(Rubbing one leg on the other)
No, Sir. (He rushes awkwardly to the table and
pours out some water from a flagon for ADVENTURE.)
Will you have some water, Sir fresh drawn from
Pussy's well ?
ADVENTURE
(Knocking the flagon over with a siveep of his elbow)
Rum ! Rum ! Enough for Fifteen Men and
one dead one! Do I harry the rolling sea in ships
to drink water!
SIMON
(Picking up the flagon, in a gentle murmur)
" Three wise men of Gotham went to sea in a
bowl .
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 189
// the bowl had been stronger my tale had been
longer "
(There has come in through the gate, during
this conversation, a stoutish GENTLEMAN, rather
elderly, with thinning hair, and bone glasses.
He is dressed in a greenish shabby suit of an
tique cut, and is so engrossed in his own medi
tations, with his head bent, and his hands be
hind him, that he runs right into HERO and
VICTORIA, who are standing uncertainly, whis
pering together.}
GENTLEMAN
Oh I solicit your pardon, I'm sure, in that I
have intruded myself all inadvertently, not to say more
particularly unwittingly, upon yourselves that is to
say your corporeal selves, for your spiritual selves have
that thing which is known as rare collisions in man or
woman
ADVENTURE
(In a roar}
Meat More Meat! S'Death! Is this an Inn
or an empty hogshead that I cannot find Meat !
MARY
There was only one bone in the cupboard, Sir
when Mother Hubbard the housekeeper looked, and
that the dog took.
ADVENTURE
Then I will pick it with some one. You, Sir!
igo MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
(He roars at the GENTLEMAN just arrived.') What
do you mean standing there in my light? Who are
you?
GENTLEMAN
(Deprecatingly, looking at ADVENTURE over his glasses]
My name is James, Sir. As a matter of fact I
was hardly aware of what light I stood in I must
crave your indulgence. I am prone to be absent-
minded. That is I am often searching for my verbs
and in the midst of these cogitations, or ramifica
tions, or I might state perambulations
ADVENTURE
Say what you mean !
JAMES
(With a sigh)
I wish I could, Sir. In these days when many are
apt to even overlook the name of James, which is a
lofty name, Sir, I frequently get lost even in my own
sentences. But this I think (he looks around to
collect an audience), is a particularly good one. (He
brings his hands out from behind his back and begins
to expound.) I ah am in search of a fount. I
believe it could be called a fount or perhaps would
be even better termed a Spring as the Pierean is,
Spring then
(There is a jangle of the bell under the sign,
and there enters through the gate a lurid young
woman in an abbreviated scarlet dress, with a
black picture hat, and very high heeled shoes.
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 191
She carries a great white muff. Her dress is
cut extremely low back and front, and she
wears dangling earrings and much makeup.)
GIRL
(In a drawly twang, as she saunters in)
Say you is this Road House a dead one? I've
been tintillating that clapper till my fingers feel like
a Swedish massage. (She advances swaying.)
VICTORIA
(Clinging to HERO)
We really must go, my dearest Hero.
HERO
I always did fancy red. (He smiles politely at the
girl and offers her a chair.)
VICTORIA
Hero!
GIRL
(Sinking into the chair)
Thanks, old dear. (She motions to SIMON.)
Here, boy Smokes and a Bronx and rush. I'm
beat up. This tramping the curb looking for a cold
cream geyser has me bleating for refreshment. When
I get to that fountain of eternal debutantness I'll keep
it in a non-detachable cup. (She takes out a vanity
case and powders her nose.)
SIMON
(Intensely fascinated)
In there?
192 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
GIRL
(Snapping the case to)
No. Funny face. But can you give me the ad
dress of the beauty parlor here-a-bouts that puts on
the permanent youth? It ought to be a swell joint
by the line of exclusiveness it hands out. Not even a
card to me, Ainslee McClure, and me with my profile
on every magazine that has a circulation and my
story running in no less than five hundred movies at
once. But it's wearing and you never can tell where
the public will jump. I may find myself next month
in the eight by ten cell of a Second Class Vaudeville
boarding house in Hoboken, so just tip me off with the
number of this beauty bath. Will you? I want that
bath.
VICTORIA
The immodest hussy! (She hides her face in her
handkerchief.} Hero, this is not respectable!
AINSLEE
I'll have you know I'm a perfect lady. (She sur
veys VICTORIA up and down.) Even if I don't dress
like a Newark sewing-by-the-day model. My virtue
is absolutely O K. The final paragraph always tells
you that. Hit 'em in the eye and then soften up
afterwards is my motto.
SIMON
Can they see just the same if you hit them in the
eye?
AINSLEE
They can't miss me. Any one got a light? (She
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 193
takes out a cigarette from a gold case.} This hunting
a fountain is the thirstiest work I've ever pulled.
(She leans over and lights her cigarette at ADVEN
TURE'S pipe which he has just started.) Thanks, Pal.
You look like an actor out of a job. Copped your
overcoat out of the wardrobe room, didn't you?
(She leans back, and surveys the TROUBADOUR and
his LADY through a puff of smoke.} And you too.
What's your particular line ?
TROUBADOUR
I am the Troubadour. Through the centuries I
sing of Love and Poetry. Though the world is deaf,
its ears stopped with sordid moneys I sing I
sing
SIMON
Like Little Tommy Tucker Singing for his sup
per
AINSLEE
Well, it doesn't look as if you'd got much off the
lunch counter. If you've been on the road long, no
wonder you're starved.
TROUBADOUR
Starved for appreciation starved for recognition.
The world has forgotten us and our songs. Soon
we will perish and be but ghosts and mist wraiths if
we cannot find the Great Fountain to drink of.
ADVENTURE
(Gloomily)
I must soon drink of something more potent than
194 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
rum and stiffer then a hurricane, or Adventure will
founder with all hands and the seas close over him.
I can find no one these days to man my ships or listen
to my tales.
JAMES
(Waking a little from his melancholy ruminations)
It is indeed difficult to find a listener in the hustling
world which goes by all unheeding unheeding my
voice which used to lead it through the labyrinth of
culture
AlNSLEE
(To MARY, who stands by sympathetically)
Say is this a home for Down and Outs?
MARY
(Smoothing her apron)
This is Mother Goose Inn, ma'm. It's a home
for Mother Goose, ma'm, and all her children, and all
her willing servants, of which I am one. (She bobs a
curtsey.) And we keep open house, ma'm, to serve
any one as comes by and likes simple things like Pat-
a-cakes, and hot Pease Porridge, and Daffy-Down-
Dillies. There's many as might fare worse, ma'm, than
on Mother Goose and her Goodies. She is a wise
old lady.
SIMON
" There was an old woman lived under a hill
And if she's not gone she lives there still
Baked apples she sold and cranberry pies
And she's the old woman that never told lies "
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 195
(He emphasizes this last line with very empha
tic nods of his head.)
AINSLEE
Mother Goose, eh? I never heard of her, but I
don't think much of her stage name.
ADVENTURE
(In a deep rumble)
Nor the milk pap she serves.
TROUBADOUR'S LADY
(Leaning out)
It is a sweet garden but no high stars in it. You
should build towers to reach the stars (She waves
a thin white hand.) Should they not my Trouba
dour?
TROUBADOUR
Indeed. Towers to reach the stars my blessed
damozel. By towers and stars are Troubadours re
membered.
SIMON
(Pensively)
" Twinkle twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you are "
JAMES
(Who has sunk down by the table, engrossed in a
book. He looks up)
Yes a nice obvious little enclosure but noth
ing of the higher intellectuality in its atmosphere
196 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
Why not give lectures on the greater Mentality twice
a week at four? It would improve the place. Im
prove it greatly (He returns to his book.}
AINSLEE
(Polishing her nails}
A little jazz is all you need, and perhaps a bit of
cabaret stuff and let me tip you off to a decent
press agent. There's nothing like it. But as it is
(She looks around and shrugs.} Dead.
VICTORIA
(Who has stood, clinging to HERO all this time}
I should say a few gladiolas and perhaps a tame
doe or two like Lord Ronald brought his cousin, my
Hero. (She sighs.} It is indeed hard to be so highly
related, and yet have to enter a middle class little Inn.
MARY
There are those that like Mother Goose Inn.
SIMON
And they Great People too sometimes. They say
there is no fountain water as clear as ours, no milk as
sweet, and no garden flowers as bright.
AINSLEE
A week end back to Nature. I see. But I haven't
the time to waste, Long-Legs. My schedule is full.
Have you got a road map or a timetable to show the
where-a-bouts of this Beauty Parlor I'm after?
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 197
MARY
There's the road to Bambury Cross, but you'd better
go there horse-back, and it's three score ten miles to
Babylon, though you can get there by candle-light.
And there's Gloster, though it's apt to be rainy, where
Dr. Foster always goes but I never heard of the
Beauty Parlor you speak of.
ADVENTURE
Nor of the hidden Spring in the secret island that
I must find I'll be bound. A wretched, weak-kneed
lot.
TROUBADOUR
Nor of the purpled cataract that licks the moon.
The moon does not shine on this garden.
SIMON
One t)f our cows once jumped over the moon. Hey-
diddle-Diddle's cow it was.
VICTORIA
Nor have they heard of our Crystal Palace. (She
vj^eeps into her handkerchief.} And we will pass away
if we do not find it!
HERO
(Petting her}
My dearest Victoria, whatever happens, we will be
genteel.
JAMES
(Looking up}
That word. That word. I must rouse myself.
ig8 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
It is the grave of all intellectuality, and I approach
it if I do not find the remedy I seek. (He puts his
book in his pocket.) Tell me, young woman. (He
turns to MARY.) How can I find the way to the fount
that I seek? I believe it is almost a metaphorical
fount, being merely the flow of wisdom and words
which emanates from some great soul, for the best
things are always clothed in metaphors. Have you
seen such a great soul as would give strength to a poor
dealer in words for alas, that is what I am. The
world is passing me by, and as its strength ebbs away
from me, I feel I have only dry words left. And I
would live again.
SIMON
(Edging up sympathetically)
If I were you, Sir, I would ask the others you meet
on the road. They be simple folk, but might tell you
something. Some are peddlers like yourself like the
Pieman, and there's even the Pussy Cat who's been to
London and seen the Queen, and Wee Willie Winkie,
who runs through the towns at night. He knows a
great deal.
JAMES
(With a weary sigh)
But I am very weary and confused. My words
seem to trip me
SIMON
It might depend on how you start, Sir " There
was a crooked man, and he went a crooked mile and
he found a crooked sixpence "
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 199
ADVENTURE
(Interrupting with a roar}
And are any of these travelers seafaring men? Do
they know of the Far Volcano with the inner hidden
spring I seek?
SIMON
There's Robinson Crusoe Island, Sir. But that's
pretty well explored. And then there's Bobby Shaf-
toe He went to sea Silver buckles on his knee.
Pretty Bobby Shaftoe.
ADVENTURE
(Springing up)
S'Blood! I'll not be choked with Nursery Tales.
Where is that island of mine?
TROUBADOUR
(Getting up, and approaching, with his LADY)
No. First where is our fountain of scarlet and pur
ple? It grows late. The mists fill the woods, and
the troubadour perishes of the cold and dark unless he
warms his throat with the drink of the eternal purple
fountain.
VICTORIA
And it's a fountain we seek too in a Palace.
Surely every one knows the way to the Crystal Palace
It must be there.
AINSLEE
Speed it up Kid. Give me the number and I'll
whistle for a taxi. All I want is the address of the
Permanent Beauty Parlor
200 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
JAMES
(Pressing on MARY)
Just one moment, my worthy girl, if you will be so
kind as to direct me to the fount
MARY
(Bewildered)
Please sirs Please, ma'm Please kindly.
One at a time.
SIMON
I never knew there were so many different foun
tains, Sir. I never knew any fountain but this, Sir.
ADVENTURE
Brainless jelly-fish!
TROUBADOUR
Poor innocent!
JAMES
You are unenlightened, my simple child
SIMON
What is the name of your Fountain, Sir? You
find so many names, I should think you would hardly
know it yourself, Sir.
JAMES
The name, my good boy, the simple name which in
innocence, was given to the miraculous fountain which
cures all ills, and is no doubt now clad in quite another
and more subtle guise, is the Fountain of Youth. It
is that, alas which I seek.
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 201
VICTORIA
What! Hero! I faint! (She collapses into
HERO'S arms.) Our fountain! We will have to
share the crystal Palace, and not live there in an
eternal honeymoon. I cannot bear it!
HERO
(Clutching her)
Brace yourself in this serious crisis, Victoria.
TROUBADOUR
The Fountain of Youth! It is that Fountain we
seek! The Purple Cataract which springs to the
stars No one but Poets dare find it No one
but Lovers can drink it
ADVENTURE
S'Blood! Will you discover my Island and my
Spring before I do ? The Fountain of Youth. 'Twas
the very Name. The very Fount I seek. Who has
revealed the secret Who that I may slit his
throat! (He glares about with his hand on his cut
lass. )
AlNSLEE
Say Bring the check I'll be trotting. The
Fountain of Youth! Why, that's the name of the
Permanent Beauty Joint I'm looking for. Don't tell
me you're all going there too. Not but what a little
cold cream and curling irons wouldn't help you but
I don't want the hours all booked up, and the right
syrup in the fountain run out, before I get there. So
long Old dears (She starts to go.)
202 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
VICTORIA
Hero ! Don't let her go ! That kind always super
sedes us! (She weeps, and pulls HERO towards the
gate. )
AlNSLEE
(Pushing past her)
That kind indeed! I guess the Fountain of Youth
is free to whoever finds it and me a perfect lady!
ADVENTURE
(Elbowing past them both)
Adventure is ever first on the field !
JAMES
If you will allow me. I think I must be departing.
That fountain is really a necessity to me
TROUBADOUR
(Leading his LADY out)
It is the wine of Life to the Troubadour. Without
it I perish. Already I stagger by the way
ADVENTURE
(Thrusting them aside)
Sentimental rubbish ! Oblivion waits for you
(He glares about.) And for all else that is not red-
blooded. I am hearty with oaths. I am thick with
energy. One drop from the Fountain of Youth is all
that Adventure needs to make him and his Tales live
forever Out of my way. And stay here till I am
gone or your heads will answer for it
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 203
JAMES
(Tremulously)
But culture culture and language that cannot
wait while a Penny Melodrama eats up the precious
fluid which would give life to me and my many,
many words
AlNSLEE
Can the rough stuff and the high-brow too. Do
you think Ainslee McClure can wait? Why the pub
lic may even now be dropping me. This is on the
level. I need that Fountain cure.
TROUBADOUR
(Hastily dragging his LADY away from the crowd and
towards the gate}
Come. Avante. Avante. Before the vulgar mob
drinks the Poet's fountain dry and leaves the Trouba
dour to perish.
SIMON
(Blocking his way)
But, kind Sir Have you any penny?
MARY
Yes please, Sir you have eaten of our Black
Bird Pie and drunk our King Cole Ale
TROUBADOUR
( With a wild gesture, making for the gate and pushing
her aside)
We have sung for it. We have no money
204 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
TROUBADOUR'S LADY
The Fountain the Fountain. I must reach it or
I faint Water water
MARY
Running to her solicitously)
Oh, I am sorry. -We will not charge anything if
you have no penny. But will you not rest and have
a drink of our fountain water? It is so cool and
clear
TROUBADOUR
It must be Purple shot with stars Farewell,
Simple Maid. (He goes out the gate.) We were
but beggars that came to your door But when we
drink of the Fountain of Youth we return kings!
(They go off through the wood.)
ADVENTURE
Here stop there. S'blood! S'death! S'blood!
They escape me! (He starts after them.)
SIMON
(Stopping him)
But you, Sir, have a penny. And you had Jack
Horner Pie, and a Plum Pudding too. The Lion
beat the Unicorn all round the town for less
ADVENTURE
And I'll beat you all round the town unless you
stand aside. Here (He plunges his hands and
throws out some coins.) Doubloons Pieces of
Eight Spanish Gold! What are they to Adven-
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 205
ture if he loses the Fountain of Youth and founders in
oblivion? You, who would keep him with milk and
water! S'blood! S'death! I am not a beggar
ye dogs! (He strides out.)
SIMON
" Hark hark, the dogs do bark, the beggars have
come to town. Some in rags and some in tags, and
some in velvet gown "
JAMES
If you will pardon me I must really journey for
ward in search of the flow of Youth which comes from
the Fountain I
VICTORIA
Dearest Hero. Lend me your arm.
JAMES
(Getting to the gate)
Good-day, Good-day.
MARY
(Running after him)
But will you not wait and ask Mother Goose, Sir?
She is very old, Sir, and very wise?
JAMES
Nursery Tales. Nursery Tales. (He goes off
through the wood shaking his head.)
VICTORIA
Quick Dearest Hero. Those dreadful people
206 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
will drink our fountain and turn us out of our own
Crystal Palace
SIMON
But, ma'm, you have not eaten your curds and whey
and Miss Muffit made it especially for you
AINSLEE
(Seizing the opportunity to push by to the gate)
So long then. I'm off.
MARY
Don't you think you might perhaps stay, ma'm? So
many are going and we have such a nice little foun
tain here. And if you all go off I don't know what I
will say to Mother Goose, and she so particular about
accounts and all Don't you think, ma'm, you could
try our fountain
AINSLEE
Nothing doing. Sorry. Tell the Old Lady I had
a date. (She goes off hastily through the wood.)
SIMON
(Ruminatively)
" The greedy man is he who sits
And bites bits out of plates
Or else takes up an almanac
And gobbles all the dates "
That Captain broke a plate. (He carefully
picks up the pieces of a plate that ADVENTURE shoved
off the table in his hurry.) And a flagon too. To
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 207
say nothing of spilling all the water worse than Jack
and Jill and he only left three bits
VICTORIA
(At the gate with HERO)
Good-by. I will send you a little gilt souvenir from
the Crystal Palace.
MARY
But please, ma'm. Have you a penny for your curds
A iii7r\f*\7 r
VICTORIA
We come of the best families and are always guests.
We never pay. The Fountain of Youth receives only
the best families however unfortunate they may be
in circumstances (She begins to sniff.}
HERO
But always genteel
VICTORIA
Yes always that until the end. Oh, hurry,
Hero. I feel very faint. We must find the Foun
tain of Youth or I will actually swoon! (They go off
through the wood.}
SIMON
(Softly to himself, rubbing one leg against the other,
and looking after HERO and VICTORIA.)
" Goosey goosey Gander Wither dost thou
wander? "
MARY
{Coming distractedly down to the table}
208 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
Oh, now there, Simple Simon. Don't you stand
there doing nothing on one leg and everything in a
clutter. (She begins to pick up the dishes.) Such
crazy people I never did see. And what Mother
Goose will say with no account made out and I
declare (She turns on him.) You haven't been
to the Pieman yet.
SIMON
" Give me a duck and a drake and a half -penny
cake And a penny to pay the old baker "
MARY
How can I when nobody paid for their cakes but
with three foreign pennies? (She wrings her hands.)
(MOTHER GOOSE enters briskly through the
gate. She is clad in a long red cape over her
dark dress with its full white apron, and wears
the high pointed MOTHER GOOSE black hat
over her frilled white cap. Her face is
wrinkled but pink cheeked and healthy, and
though she leans on a stick, she moves briskly
and decidedly.)
MOTHER GOOSE
What's this? What's this? Mary, Mary Contrary,
and Simple Simon and the tables all in a clutter?
Have we had guests?
SIMON
Yes. And they were so strange. As strange as the
Man in the Wilderness who asked how many straw
berries grew in the sea?
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 209
MOTHER GOOSE
And did you answer as proper, as you have been
taught " As many as red herrings grow in the
wood?"
SIMON
I tried, but they all talked at once They did not
seem to care about listening
MARY
And they wanted to find the oddest place
Crystal Palaces and Volcanos and Purple Springs
SIMON
(With a rush}
And though they all seemed so different it was the
same place they were after after all, though they none
of them would admit it, and they were as cross as
Cross-Patch when they found out, and all took differ
ent roads And would not stop in our garden
MOTHER GOOSE
(Shaking her head)
Oh la-la That's what happens when people's
minds get all overgrown and twisted When they
outgrow Mother Goose's garden and don't see what's
before their noses
MARY
(Breathlessly)
And they only left three strange foreign pennies for
pay
MOTHER GOOSE
Each man pays in his own coin and is paid like-
2IO
wise. (She slips the pennies left by ADVENTURE in
her pocket.)
MARY
And where were they going
SIMON
And will they get there?
MOTHER GOOSE
Who knows ? " The King of France went up the
hill
With twenty thousand men.
The King of France came down the hill,
And ne'er went up again."
The Flower of Hearts Desire grows in this very
garden if they had not traveled too fast and been
too wise to see it
(There comes a boy's voice singing beyond the
gate )
VOICE
" Rock-a-by baby, thy cradle is green,
Father's a nobleman, mother's a queen,
And Betty's a lady and wears a gold ring
And Johnny's a drummer and drums for the
King"
MARY
It's little Tommy Tucker
SIMON
Singing for his supper
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 211
MOTHER GOOSE
Shall we give him some
MARY
Oh, yes White Bread and Butter
SIMON
And Diddle, Diddle Dumplings
MOTHER GOOSE
And water from Mother Goose's fountain.
MARY
(Clearing away the table}
Yes the others would not drink it
(A veil of twilight has crept over the garden,
softening the vividness of its green, and filling
the wood beyond with mists. Little TOMMY
TUCKER, a very little boy in blue Greenaway
dress, with a wide white neck frill appears at
the gate, his hands behind him, singing.)
TOMMY TUCKER
" Hush-a-by, baby, on the tree top
When the wind blows the cradle will rock
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall
And down will come baby cradle and all "
MOTHER GOOSE
They wouldn't drink my fountain eh? Well
they will find no better one. For this is the fountain
of all young things and those who drink of Mother
212 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
Goose's fountain never grow old never grow old.
I suppose that was not what they wanted eh ?
SIMON
(Twisting on one leg)
They didn't seem to know exactly what they wanted.
MOTHER GOOSE
Ah, well there are many springs to the Fountain
of Youth but this in my garden is the first one.
My children are forever young. Are they all safe
Is Little Boy Blue home from the Haystacks? Has
Bo-Peep brought in her sheep?
SIMON
Yes but Daffy-down-dilly has not finished her
new yellow dress and Johnny is not back from the
fair with the blue ribbons.
MOTHER GOOSE
(Turning)
We must see to them.
TOMMY TUCKER
(Singing softly)
" Come to the window my baby with me
And look at the stars that shine in the sea "
MOTHER GOOSE
(As she turns, with SIMON)
Come in, Tommy Tucker. Come in. It is almost
time for the Man in the Moon to come down
(MOTHER GOOSE, with SIMON on one side, and
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 213
MARY bearing a tray of dishes, on the other,
turns to go slowly out of the garden. The
twilight deepens.)
MARY
And the poor wayfarers out in the woods
MOTHER GOOSE
They will find wisdom by the way
SIMON
And our garden will be alone in the dark
MOTHER GOOSE
The Fountain of Youth will watch over it
(They go slowly towards the arbor. Little
TOMMY TUCKER comes in through the gate,
slowly, and still singing follows them. A big
round moon rises behind the trees, and the tip
of the fountain glitters silver in its light.)
TOMMY TUCKER
(Singing)
" There are two little stars that play bo-peep
With two little fish, far down in the deep.
And two little frogs cry-neap-neap-neap "
(MOTHER GOOSE, and SIMON and MARY, dis
appear through the arbor, TOMMY TUCKER
follows, his voice lingering after he has gone.)
" There are two little stars that play bo-peep
And I see a dear baby that should be asleep "
214 MOTHER G< AKDKN
FOR OUTDOOR PRODUCTION OF
MOTHER GOOSE GARI
Any garden with a fountain could be u>ed for this
If a fountain is not available, a bird bath,
thickly hedged with flowers might be used.
For extra people, to make more of a pageant, there
might be other Mother Goose characters introduced
for instance a row of Mary Contrary*' "pretty
maids." They could stand behind a flower bnl, and
she water them. The Pieman, could pass through the
wood ringing his bell, and at the end, a lot of Mother
Goose characters, troop in to go into the Inn.
FOR INDOOR PRODUCTION
Any pretty garden scene, brightly colored, with a
little white gate at the back leading into a green wood
land. At the side there might be a little red peaked
gabled house, with the MOTHER GOOSE INN
sign swinging over the door. If the fountain is diffi
cult to manage, a rustic well would do.
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