WTV. OF CALIF. LIBRARY. LOS ANGELAS
 
 TOLD IN A 
 CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 AND FOUR OTHER FANTASTIC PLAYS 
 FOR OUT-DOORS OR IN-DOORS 
 
 BY 
 CONSTANCE WILCOX 
 
 Especially adapted Jor amateur productions 
 
 NEW YORK 
 HENRY HOLT AND COMPANY 
 
 1920
 
 COPYRIGHT, 1920, 
 BY 
 
 HENRY HOLT AND COMPANY 
 
 All of these plays have been successfully given. 
 
 No royalty is asked for performing rights when no admis 
 sion is charged. Otherwise there is a charge of five dollars 
 for each performance by amateurs. Professional actors 
 must make special arrangements. 
 
 No performance of these plays may be given without 
 full acknowledgment to the author and publishers. Ac 
 knowledgment should be made to read as follows: " By 
 Constance Crenelle Wilcox; from Told In A Chinese Gar 
 den and Other Plays. Produced by arrangement with the 
 publishers."
 
 PS 
 
 3S- if 5 
 
 AFFECTIONATELY INSCRIBED 
 TO 
 
 MY FATHER 
 
 8133948
 
 AUTHOR'S NOTE 
 
 These five one act plays have been written especially 
 for the out of doors, and, as experience with them has 
 shown, can be easily and effectively given by amateurs 
 in the simplest of outdoor settings. They range in 
 length and elaboration from " Told in a Chinese Gar 
 den," which plays forty-five minutes, and can be made, 
 if desired, into quite a brilliant pageant for a large 
 number of people, to " Pan Pipes," which is a play of 
 twenty-five minutes for four actors. It is sometimes 
 difficult to find plays exactly fitted for an outdoor set 
 ting. In these plays the entrances and exits are made 
 with a view to outdoor production, and the back 
 ground is taken into account. The particular settings 
 given in the plays are, of course, not essential nor ex 
 pected for any outdoor production. They are given 
 for atmosphere, and in case of an indoor production. 
 A few suggestions for simple production follow each 
 play. 
 
 Permission for producing these plays can be ob 
 tained from the publishers.
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 3 
 
 A Play Pageant for a Garden 
 
 PAN PIPES .... A Woodland Play . 63 
 FOUR OF A KIND . . A Play for a Boat . 93 
 
 THE PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE .... 129 
 A Children's Garden Play 
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 171 
 
 A Fantasy for a Garden
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN l 
 (A PLAY PAGEANT) 
 
 SCENE. A Chinese garden. 
 TIME. A summer afternoon. 
 
 CHARACTERS 
 
 TAl-Lo, A Gardener on the estate of Wang-Chu-Mo. 
 PoA-TiNG-FANG, Guest of Wang-Chu-Mo. 
 WANG-CHU-MO. 
 
 Li-Ti, Daughter of Wang-Chu-Mo. 
 LING-TAI-TAI, Governess to Li-Ti. 
 LANG-TAI-TAI, Governess to Li-Ti. 
 Two GUARDS. 
 SCRIBE. 
 
 PAGES, COOLIE RUNNERS and OTHERS. 
 (The Songs are all Old Chinese and also the quota 
 tions) 
 
 1 Copyright, 1919, by Constance Wilcox.
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 A STORY IN ONE ACT 
 
 ft ^AI-LO is working with dippers at a flower bed 
 
 i around a goldfish pool in the center of the 
 
 ** garden. He wears a peaked straw hat and 
 
 faded blue jacket and trousers. He sings at his work. 
 
 TAI-LO 
 
 " The flower fairies bring 
 Their playmate spring; 
 But the spring goes 
 And leaves the rose. 
 She fills all hearts 
 With incense and departs. 
 
 " The river fain would keep 
 
 One cloud upon its breast, 
 
 Of the twilight flocks that sweep 
 
 Like red flamingoes fading west, 
 
 Away, away, 
 
 To build beyond the day. 
 
 " Give me the green gloom of a lofty tree, 
 Leaf and bough to shutter and bar 
 My dream of the world that ought to be 
 From the drifting ghosts of the things that are; 
 3
 
 4 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 Mine is the secret land where spring 
 
 And sunset clouds cease wandering." 
 
 (PoA-TiNG-FANG and WANG-CHU-Mo ad 
 vance slowly down the path and into the gar 
 den. They are in gorgeous embroidered coats 
 and scarlet and black hats with long tassels. 
 A servant shields them from the sun with a 
 bright, many-colored silk umbrella. They carry 
 fans.) 
 
 POA 
 (With a stately wave of his hand as they walk around 
 
 the pool) 
 
 As I have frequently observed, a garden is soothing to 
 the eye the flowers are like the many-colored moving 
 disks of the counting board as they shine in the sun 
 I was ever fond of a garden in which to prepare my 
 accounts so warm, so undisturbed 
 
 WANG 
 
 I had learned of your Excellency's preference and 
 you will find that my daughter Li-Ti your most 
 subservient wife-to-be has the history of each flower 
 at her finger tips. I have had her trained four hours 
 every day in this very garden so she may be able to 
 recite for your Excellency's delectation when she walks 
 her honorable wifely paths in your garden. 
 
 POA 
 
 Most erudite and solicitous host and father-in-law- 
 to-be, the sun is no more warm on my back than your 
 words in my ears. My late brother (may the Gods
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 5 
 
 grant him peace in heaven) took delight in his garden, 
 and since I have come into his house and possessions, 
 I have been pleased to add new blooms, one from each 
 country, and cunningly intermingled like the enamel 
 on a Ming vase. It is on view Thursdays and Satur 
 days for a mean consideration. 
 
 (They come upon the gardener. He bows so 
 
 low that his sun hat completely hides his face; 
 
 and, picking up his basket, he goes to a distant 
 
 flower bed.) 
 
 And gardeners I have thousands like brown- 
 legged storks and their wages they will pick the 
 pennies from my eyelids. 
 
 WANG 
 
 My daughter will have much to learn in your great 
 household, and I have taught her to imbibe silently, 
 and speak not until there are wise words in her mouth. 
 As the Sage says, " A woman with a long tongue is 
 a flight of steps leading to calamity." 
 
 POA 
 (Picking a flower with a great air) 
 
 I myself am a man of few words and many affairs. 
 
 WANG 
 
 Yes, again to quote: " Love of knowledge without 
 the will to learn, casts the shadow called Instability. 
 Love of goodness without the will to learn casts the 
 shadow called Foolishness. Love "
 
 PDA 
 
 Exactly, exactly. Now about the great scarlet be< 
 that is part of your daughter's dowry may I sa; 
 that it is of an admirable richness and if there wer 
 silken quilts 
 
 WANG 
 
 There there are. They are to be carried to 
 night in the wedding procession on blue lacquerei 
 tables of great value ten coolies it will take to carr 
 them and the household utensils and camphorwooi 
 chests 
 
 POA 
 (Jotting down the items in a notebook} 
 
 Excellent, O excellent and generous, O my father 
 in-law-to-be. It is indeed fortunate that a propitiou 
 omen is about to bring our two great houses togethei 
 I would welcome your daughter were she as sharp a 
 the vicious Aunt East Wind which I am sure she i 
 not. 
 
 WANG 
 
 My daughter is far from ill-favored. But as on 
 has said, " Beauty without the will to " 
 
 POA 
 
 It does not matter. It is of an insignificance, 
 remember too, " Admirable is the wise woman, but sh 
 is an owl." As befitting a man of affairs my wife an< 
 I will meet but seldom, and as you say she has th 
 gift of silence. How does the verse go? 
 
 " The wise man's wisdom is our strength,
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 7 
 
 The woman's wisdom is our bane. 
 The men build up the city walls 
 For women to tear down again." 
 
 WANG 
 
 It rests my ears to hear that you are fond of poetry. 
 Do you know 
 
 POA 
 Ah, I remember the sequence, 
 
 " No man from any woman's wit 
 Hath yet learned aught of any worth, 
 For wise is she, but unto ill, 
 To bring disorder on the earth. 
 What does she in affairs of state? 
 Her place is in the inner room. 
 Her wisdom doth least hurt in this, 
 To mind the silkworm and the loom." 
 
 But enough of the arts. Were there not perhaps 
 screens ? 
 
 WANG 
 
 Of purple colored teakwood, set with silver and 
 ivory, and hangings of orange brocade hand painted 
 with dragons. 
 
 POA 
 A good omen a good omen. 
 
 (They go off slowly talking.} 
 (A little boy in livery enters running. He 
 peers about the garden and runs back to hold 
 aside the shrubbery for a gilded, canopied chair
 
 8 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 carried by coolies. In the chair is Ll-Tl, her 
 scarlet and gold gown stiff with embroidery, 
 and her hair elaborately dressed and twisted 
 with strings of jade and pearl. Long earrings 
 frame a lovely, expressionless face, white with 
 powder and vividly carmine on cheeks and lips. 
 Her eyes are heavily black and droop wearily. 
 She carries a peacock feather fan with a mirror 
 in the handle. Behind the chair walk the two 
 elderly governesses in drab-colored gowns as 
 unprepossessing as their sharp yellowed faces. 
 They carry rolls of manuscript and a servant 
 behind holds a bright umbrella over them.) 
 
 THE BOY 
 
 The garden is empty, Celestialness ; only an under- 
 gardener is here. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 (Peering out) 
 
 My father and Poa-Ting-Fang were just walking 
 through the paths. I wish I might catch a glimpse of 
 them. 
 
 LING-TAI-TAI 
 It is not seemly. 
 
 LANG-TAI-TAI 
 It is not in comportment. It is curiosity! 
 
 (The little procession advances slowly around 
 the pool.) 
 
 LANG 
 The five worst infirmities that afflict the female are
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 9 
 
 indocility, discontent, slander, jealousy and silliness. 
 The worst of all and the parent of the other five is 
 silliness. Your desire to see your honorable husband 
 to-be is silliness. 
 
 LING 
 
 Leave on the knees of the Gods the joy of your first 
 sight of him. It comes soon enough. 
 
 (The bearers set down the chair.) 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 I have heard that he is old, and that he poisoned his 
 brother so that he could take his estates, and that his 
 brother's heir ran away from him. 
 
 LING 
 
 It is incredible that I hear these words in your mouth 
 after our teaching. 
 
 LANG 
 
 Some sprouts do not blossom, some blossoms bear no 
 seed. You are a stranger to us. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 (She descends from her chair. She is very small and 
 
 sways on her bound feet) 
 
 I am not myself. I am so soon to be some one 
 else the wife of a man that is old and greedy. I 
 will drink only his will, and eat only his thoughts 
 he who I know poisoned his brother for money. 
 
 (The bearers arrange a low stool for Li-Ti 
 and the little boy holds an umbrella over her. 
 The governesses take their place standing in
 
 io TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 front of her and unroll their long yellow scrolls. 
 They also have a boy to hold their umbrella. 
 The bearers take off the chair.} 
 
 LING 
 
 Servants' chatter. Only girls and servants are hard 
 to train. Draw near to them and they grow unruly; 
 hold them off and they pay you with spite. 
 
 LANG 
 
 Remember that thou art young. What thou dost 
 know is not to be compared with what thou dost not 
 know. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 It is common talk. Why then did his brother's only 
 son and heir run away? 
 
 LING 
 
 Because he was a worthless ne'er-do-well and shame 
 lessly preferred the freedom, as he called it, of vaga 
 bondage, to the honorable responsibility of his father's 
 estate. That is common talk also. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 Very like he did not care for the responsibility of 
 such an uncle. 
 
 LANG 
 
 It ill fits your mouth to speak thus. If the shiftless 
 Fang-Tai were to return and claim his lands before the 
 allotted time when they legally belong to his uncle, 
 you would not have a round penny as a wife.
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN n 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 Then my father would not have me be a wife at all. 
 That would be pleasing. 
 
 LING 
 
 Undutiful girl! Let us go to our lessons. 
 
 (They unroll the long strips of parchment.} 
 
 LANG 
 
 Your parent has instructed us to impart one more 
 lesson in the histories of the flowers before you go to 
 your husband to delight him with your knowledge. 
 Recite, I pray you, the complete ancestry of the mari 
 gold. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 (In a singsong} 
 
 Fathered first by our lord the Sun, whose sevenfold 
 beams falling on the plant wove into curling petals, 
 and then the sweet West Wind in passing from the 
 bazaars of the great spice grove scattered in a pinch of 
 of cinnamon 
 
 LING 
 Fie, fie a pinch of musk. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 A pinch of musk, and Ku-Wu the bee with the 
 golden stripes fashioned for it in the heart of the 
 flower a pouch of tiny petals so now so now 
 Will Poa-Ting-Fang, my future husband, be angry 
 with me? I have forgotten what comes next.
 
 12 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 LING 
 
 He will rap the tips of your ringers and leave you 
 alone in the pavilion. " So now the musk " 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 I do not know. Let us go to the gilly-flower. That 
 is not so hard. 
 
 LING 
 
 Fie! What is it the great Sage says about those 
 who take the easy path? 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 " The stones will be slippery and they will twist 
 their feet." 
 
 LANG 
 So now the musk 
 
 (A runner enters who goes to the governesses.) 
 
 RUNNER 
 
 The Lord Wang-Chu would confer with you in 
 the inner courtyard on a matter of immediate im 
 portance. 
 
 LANG 
 We come at once. 
 
 LING 
 
 (Thrusting a parchment into Ll-Ti's hands) 
 We return anon. Waste not the moments we are 
 gone. 
 
 LANG 
 
 Listen not idly to the drone of the bees, or the 
 dragonflies will sew up your ears.
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 13 
 
 LING 
 
 The list of the flowers is there. Read it well, and 
 remember each in its place. 
 
 LANG 
 
 And there is the song of the willow flowers for the 
 lute. Last time the notes sounded like a mouse on the 
 strings. 
 
 (LiNG and LANG go out with the runner and 
 their umbrella man. The gardener crosses and 
 begins work on the beds about the pool.) 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 (In a very small voice as she strums her lute) 
 
 " O willow flowers like flakes of snow, 
 
 Where do your wandering legions go? 
 
 Little we care and less we know ! 
 
 Our ways are the ways of the wind 
 
 Our life in the whirl, and death in the drifts below." 
 
 (She turns to her little umbrella boy, who 
 stands patiently first on one leg and then on the 
 other.) 
 You twist so that your shadow flickers like a moth 
 
 in the grass and drives the cadence out of my head. 
 
 Go over there and rest I do not mind the sun on 
 
 my head. 
 
 (He marches over to a far corner, and curling 
 up on the ground under his umbrella promptly 
 falls asleep.)
 
 i 4 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 (Running a finger through her eyelashes} 
 It is not seemly that he should see tears. (She 
 takes up the parchment.} The green verbena is the 
 herb that the willow nymph tried to crush into tea for 
 her lover, and the fragrance of her hands the frag 
 rance of her hands (She buries her face in her 
 hands. } 
 
 TAI 
 (Humming at his clipping} 
 
 " Prone beside the Western stream, 
 
 In the lilied dusk I dream. 
 
 And mocking me the wind of spring 
 
 Such medley of perfume doth bring, 
 I cannot tell what fragrance blows, 
 Nor guess the lotus from the rose." 
 
 T 1- 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 (Standing up and looking across the flower beds} 
 Who is it sings when I wish to be sad? 
 
 TAI 
 It is I Tai-Lo, the gardener. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 You are the gardener? Approach. 
 
 (TAi-Lo comes before her, basket on arm and bows 
 low.}
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 15 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 Why do you have so many different kinds of flowers 
 in the garden? 
 
 TAI 
 
 So they will bloom as varied and bright as the hem 
 of your celestial skirt that brushes them as you pass. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 I would have all one kind all gillyflowers. 
 
 TAI 
 
 The garden would be a desert brown and yellow 
 deadening to the eye. 
 
 LI-TI 
 
 I would like it. There would be less to learn. 
 
 TAI 
 
 You know the flower lore and yet would have the 
 heart to turn them out of their homes? 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 Horrid, stiff, prickly things! Take them up and 
 put in gillyflowers ! 
 
 (TAi-Lo kneels with his trowel and puts one or two 
 plants in his basket.) 
 
 LI-TI 
 
 (As she watches him, she strums carelessly on her lute)
 
 16 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 " Through the green blinds that shelter me, . 
 
 Two butterflies at play, 
 
 Four wings of flame whirl joyously 
 
 Around me and away, 
 
 While swallows breasting to the shore 
 
 Ripple the waves they wander o'er. 
 
 And I that scan the distant view, 
 
 Of torn white clouds and mountains blue 
 
 TAI 
 
 (Finishing it for her} 
 Lift to the north my aching eyes 
 'Tis there 'Tis there the city lies 
 Chang An arise ! Arise ! " 
 
 Li-Ti 
 You know that, too? 
 
 TAI 
 
 I am an exile. I know another wanderer song that 
 might please you. (He takes the lute.} 
 
 " I was a child in Yung-Yang, 
 A little child I waved farewell, 
 After long years I dwell again 
 In world forgotten Yung- Yang. 
 Yet I recall my playtime, 
 And in my dreams I see 
 The little ghosts of Maytime 
 Waving farewell to me. 
 
 " My father's house in Yung- Yang 
 Has fallen upon evil days,
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 17 
 
 No kinsmen o'er the crooked ways 
 Hail me as once in Yung- Yang. 
 No longer stands the old Moot hall, 
 Gone is the market from the town. 
 The very hills have tumbled down, 
 And stoned the valleys in their fall. 
 Yet I recall my playtime, 
 And in my dreams I see 
 The little ghosts of May time, 
 Waving farewell to me." 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 Do flowers have ghosts? 
 
 TAI 
 
 (Returning to his work) 
 
 Yes they are people. Poor little marigold lady! 
 (He holds up an uprooted plant.} She holds the lan 
 terns of the garden. When the nights are dark she 
 lights up the thick green jungle so the katydids can 
 dance. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 (She consults her paper} 
 
 That is not what I learned about the marigold. It 
 is much prettier. 
 
 TAI 
 
 Ah, what you know, my lady, is the allegorical an 
 cestry, very befitting one of your quality. But this is 
 the true story of the flowers that the fairies prick on 
 the leaves. And the golden cup that the dew king fills 
 for the moon fairies. They will go thirsty after their 
 dance to-night.
 
 18 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 You need not pull up so many. What is the little 
 white flower by your foot? 
 
 TAI 
 
 They are the slippers of the firefly elves left out to 
 dry in the sun, but you mustn't tell any one. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 And those tall green ones over there? 
 
 TAI 
 Hush! Mandarins see their green caps? 
 
 LI-TI 
 
 And how solemnly they nod their heads ! 
 
 TAI 
 
 And how the bees fly in and out telling them state 
 secrets. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 how dear and funny! (She peers over towards 
 the high flowers.} I wonder if the bees' wings tickle 
 their ears they buzz so I wonder how it feels to 
 have a bee tell you secrets. 
 
 TAI 
 ( Gravely ) 
 
 1 can show you. This is the way. (He kisses her 
 behind her fan.) Are you angry, celestial lady? 
 
 Li-Ti 
 No o. It must be rather nice to be a flower.
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 19 
 
 TAI 
 You are one. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 I consider you only as a bee in the garden. 
 
 TAI 
 
 A poor sort of vagabond, accountable to no one 
 flying in and out not ever staying long enough to 
 care or have any one care 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 You shall stay and tell me funny stories. 
 
 TAI 
 All my poor little bee secrets are yours, lady. 
 
 LI-TI 
 
 And sing songs about Yung- Yang. O, I wish I 
 had known there was a bee in the garden before ! 
 
 TAI 
 
 The bee saw the flower over the wall. 
 
 LI-TI 
 
 Oh I should not have been chattering and be 
 having in this unseemly fashion. Here come my hon 
 orable governesses. They will be so displeased if I 
 am not occupied in a fitting manner. Go and send 
 over the umbrella boy. I hope I have not faded in 
 the sun. (She takes up her lute. The umbrella boy 
 returns to stand over her. TAl-Lo goes back to his 
 work.}
 
 20 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 " O willow flowers like flakes of snow, 
 Where do your wandering legions go? 
 Little we care and less we know " 
 
 (She breaks off in a suppressed giggle that turns 
 into a grave courtesy as the governesses hurry 
 up. They are out of breath and excited.) 
 
 LING 
 The unheard of has occurred! 
 
 LANG 
 
 O most unfortunate of girls! 
 
 LING 
 
 The house of Mo can never smile again ! 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 What is the matter? In what have I offended? 
 
 LING 
 
 Not you. It is that the great Poa-Ting-Fang, your 
 future husband-to-be, while walking in this very gar 
 den O wretched landscape has lost his emerald 
 ring! 
 
 LANG 
 
 It is of the honorable size of a pigeon's egg, and 
 worth the price of a thousand silver mines. 
 
 LING 
 
 ivf^*-" -""Inable than all your dowry.
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 21 
 
 LANG 
 
 It holds in its secret chamber the seal of his house 
 cut from the tomb of his first ancestor 
 
 LING 
 
 Never has one of his house been without it! 
 
 LANG 
 
 And it slipped from his august finger while he picked 
 those miserable flowers! 
 
 LING 
 
 But that is not the most calamitous! He vows he 
 will depart in anger that he will never look upon 
 your face if his ring is not returned. It is an ill 
 omen and the two houses cannot come together un 
 der it. 
 
 LANG 
 
 The garden must be searched to the very seeds, or 
 you will be scorned as a bride and the world will 
 laugh at our rejected house! 
 
 Li-Ti 
 It does not appal me that he will not marry me. 
 
 LANG 
 
 In this garden it vanished the ring worth sixty 
 diamond mines ! It was to be a signet of your mar 
 riage. How can he overlook the omen of its loss? 
 
 LING 
 Who has seen it? Who? Who?
 
 22 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 There has been no one here but ourselves and the 
 gardener. 
 
 LANG 
 
 That is it. O merciful heaven that has delivered 
 him into our hands. (They approach TAi-Lo who 
 bows. Ll-Tl wanders about looking in the beds.) 
 
 LING 
 Your name? 
 
 TAI 
 Tai-Lo. 
 
 LANG 
 
 How long have you been here, and why did you 
 come? 
 
 TAI 
 
 I have been gardener among your honorable flowers 
 for twice seven days. 
 
 (Ll-Tl stops to pick up something that glitters 
 as she turns it in her hand.) 
 
 LING 
 
 And before? 
 
 TAI 
 
 I wandered. 
 
 LANG 
 
 Ah! 
 
 LING 
 And your reason for coming?
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 23 
 
 TAI 
 
 (Watching Li-Ti as she stands in the sunlight) 
 I liked the flowers in your garden. 
 
 LING 
 
 And you found them what you expected? 
 
 TAI 
 
 Better, excellencies. (He bows.) 
 
 (With a furtive motion Li-Ti crouches down 
 and buries what she has found deep in the soft 
 earth TAi-Lo spaded up.) 
 
 LING 
 Enough! Seize him! 
 
 LANG 
 
 " A flaw can be ground from a scepter white 
 A slip of the tongue no man right." 
 
 LING 
 
 I am satisfied. "Unruly when young unmen- 
 tioned as man, undying when old spells good-for- 
 nothing." 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 (Coming between them) 
 No! 
 
 LANG 
 
 Your chair waits. In a moment your honorable 
 father and the wronged Ting-Fang will be here to 
 search the garden and the gardener.
 
 24 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 Li-Ti 
 Untie him. He has not seen the ring. 
 
 LING 
 We shall see 
 
 LANG 
 What we shall see. 
 
 TAI 
 There are ways of proving that I have not the ring. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 (She has ascended her chair. She twists her hands 
 
 nervously} 
 
 I I (She looks at TAI.) I will see that you 
 are not found guilty. 
 
 TAI 
 
 Graciousness ! " Richer the silver of your voice 
 than in the hollow pojols that make moonlight about 
 your ankles." 
 
 LING 
 " Honeyed words confound goodness." 
 
 LANG 
 
 " The vulgar always gloss their faults." 
 
 LING 
 Forward ! 
 
 (The bearers carry off the chair, followed by 
 the governesses under their umbrella. A man 
 stays to guard TAi-Lo.)
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 25 
 
 MAN 
 
 Where did you hide it? 
 
 TAI 
 
 What? 
 
 MAN 
 The ring. 
 
 TAI 
 I have not seen it. 
 
 MAN 
 
 I will take it safely out of the garden and we will 
 go shares. 
 
 TAI 
 
 I tell you I have not seen it. It is fortunate for your 
 master that I am gardener here instead of you. 
 
 MAN 
 
 Do you think I can believe you such a fool that you 
 were working here on the very bed under his foot when 
 the ring slipped from his finger and did not put your 
 hand over it? Bah ! Tell me where it is or I'll swear 
 I saw you swallow it! 
 
 TAI 
 
 The only kind of fool I am not, is to tell anything 
 to such a dirty knave as you. 
 
 MAN 
 (Imperturbably ) 
 
 Everything you say will be used against you.
 
 26 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 TAI 
 
 I have no doubt. " Trees are more upright than 
 men." 
 
 MAN 
 " Money makes a blind man see." 
 
 (WANG-CHU-Mo and PoA-TiNG-FANG, under 
 their umbrellas, come into the garden. They 
 are followed by servants with rakes.) 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Directing the men) 
 
 Barely touch the surface of the earth the slightest 
 scratch may bury the ring beneath it as you work. And 
 remember: you are held responsible if we fail. Oh, 
 my honorable guest and son-in-law that I hope you 
 shall still be would I could heap the unworthy dust 
 of this garden on my head in apology. 
 
 FANG 
 
 It is indeed a calamity of unmitigated enormity. 
 My ancestral jewel is of the size of a pigeon's egg and 
 of the value of a thousand silver mines. (He consults 
 notebook.) Whereas your daughter's dowry, I regret 
 to say, does not possess its equivalent. 
 
 WANG 
 
 Its equivalent shall be found. Where is the gar 
 dener Lang-Tai-Tai told me of? 
 
 TAI-LO 
 Here. 
 
 (TAi-Lo and PoA-TiNG-FANG stare at each 
 other.)
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 27 
 
 WANG 
 
 wretched stork, what have you filched with your 
 beak! 
 
 POA 
 
 1 would question this man alone. 
 
 (WANG goes off, fussily directing the men who 
 scratch the flower beds with their rakes.) 
 
 POA 
 Fang-Tai ! 
 
 TAI 
 
 My estimable uncle! 
 
 POA 
 What are you doing here ? 
 
 TAI 
 
 I might better ask the same what are you doing 
 here in my father's coat, and wearing or, rather, 
 being very careless, with my father's signet ring 
 while I, my father's heir, am still in a position to claim 
 them? But I fear the question might inconvenience 
 you 
 
 POA 
 Very unsuitable. 
 
 TAI 
 
 We will let it pass since it is of my own free will 
 that I wander. Be benign enough to assure these peo 
 ple that I am no thief and I say nothing.
 
 28 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 POA 
 And how long do you continue saying nothing? 
 
 TAI 
 
 As long as my good pleasure and your good be 
 havior. 
 
 POA 
 
 Am I to be at the beck and call and in constant fear 
 of a paltry vagabond? Oh, my high-bred sensibilities! 
 I shudder to my ringer tips! 
 
 TAI 
 
 Most unsuitable of you, dear uncle. When my 
 father died I chose some years of freedom to wander 
 through the by-roads unhampered and left you the 
 freedom and the care of the estate. It was my favor 
 that gave you these honors. It is not my fault if you 
 assume too much take too much and force me to 
 return. 
 
 POA 
 
 That was why you stole the ring so that you 
 could prove your estate instantly! 
 
 TAI 
 
 Your morals, my uncle, are odd. I take no such 
 method. 
 
 POA 
 Bah! Hypocrisy! 
 
 TAI 
 
 I have seen that which makes me think I shall return 
 in any case.
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 29 
 
 POA 
 
 Am I to give up my position my hard-fought gains 
 my improvements won by the sweat of my toil and 
 the clink of my gold 
 
 TAI 
 My gold. 
 
 POA 
 
 To give place to you you a vagabond squan 
 derer a shiftless pleasure lover who would waste 
 and change and turn me into the laughing stock of 
 the country? 
 
 TAI 
 No doubt. 
 
 POA 
 
 It is unthinkable that I, I should have to give 
 way to a beardless ne'er-do-well. It is a thousand 
 deaths! And I would give a thousand rings to have 
 you dead, scourge of the worthy! 
 
 TAI 
 No doubt. 
 
 POA 
 
 You mock me will you monkey -eared frog 
 you 
 
 TAI 
 Tell these people that I am no thief, and have done. 
 
 POA 
 
 They would not believe it.
 
 30 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 TAI 
 
 I have around my neck the amulet, the duplicate 
 of the sacred amulet in my father's ring. They will 
 believe Tai-Fang. 
 
 POA 
 
 You cannot prove a grain of it. The amulet of a 
 ragged gardener. It might be any stone. 
 
 TAI 
 
 The ring will be found and it fits there. 
 
 POA 
 
 I will throw the ring into the river before it is 
 opened. I will grind it under my heel 
 
 TAI 
 
 " The chase of gain is rich in hate " My uncle, 
 do you think there is a man on our estate who would 
 not know me? 
 
 POA 
 
 But here here they do not, and the word of a 
 vagrant servant is the wind in the grass empty. 
 Whether the ring is found or not, I will say you con 
 fessed to stealing it. They will only be too eager to 
 string you on the nearest branch to appease me. And 
 what is one dead gardener more or less? By the sacred 
 Gods that guard the cornice of our house, I will do 
 it unless you swear to go and never molest me again. 
 You swear? 
 
 TAI 
 
 I do not.
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 31 
 
 POA 
 
 There will be trial and court in this very garden and 
 you will be hung. 
 
 TAI 
 
 If it happens that I am not it will fare hard with 
 you. Hbw well I see now that " Gold is tested by 
 fire and man by gold." 
 
 POA 
 
 You will never go out of that gate unless, when the 
 rope is about your neck, you promise me on the grave 
 of your ancestors 
 
 TAI 
 
 You old thief! I'll see you strangled first! (He 
 tries to free his hands.} 
 
 POA 
 
 ( Calling ) 
 
 My honorable father-in-law. This man is violent! 
 (WANG hurries up.) 
 
 WANG 
 
 He confesses? 
 
 POA 
 
 To having disposed of the ring. My astute ques 
 tioning 
 
 TAI 
 
 I do not. 
 
 WANG 
 Peace! Lest your tongue burn in your mouth.
 
 32 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 POA 
 
 My intricate insinuations and subtle probes have 
 brought the taste of guilt to his trembling mouth. 
 
 TAI 
 You lie! My Lord Wang, if you know 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Angrily} 
 I am about to know. 
 
 POA 
 
 He admits to having taken the jewel but as to 
 where he has hid it, he has the cunning and secrecy of 
 the weasel. 
 
 WANG 
 
 We will discover at once. O that I should have 
 nourished such a viper in my garden ! 
 
 POA 
 
 Eating your bread and lining his unworthy pockets 
 with your silver. My unhappy friend, I indeed grieve 
 for you. 
 
 WANG 
 
 It can be crushed out. Tread on the snake's head, 
 and he will not bite. 
 
 POA 
 
 I truly believe that nothing would give me greater 
 happiness than to see your garden spot cleared of all 
 evil.
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 33 
 
 WANG 
 
 O most felicitous and generous guest ! Truly " to 
 rank the effort above the prize may be called Love." 
 It shall be cleared of Evil 
 
 TAI 
 One moment. 
 
 WANG 
 
 Your time to speak shall come. 
 
 POA 
 
 He should have only one moment. I am sincerely 
 convinced that such is my friendship for you that im 
 mediate removal of this rascal since he has in part 
 confessed would greatly tend to smooth my pride in 
 the matter of the ring and my feeling towards your 
 daughter 
 
 WANG 
 
 We will hold a court at once. 
 
 POA 
 
 Is that necessary, in a case of such confessed guilt ? 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Pompously} 
 
 " When not in office I discuss not policy." I per 
 form no deed that is not strictly in accordance with the 
 mandates of the law " Gentlemen cherish worth ; the 
 vulgar cherish dirt. Gentlemen trust in justice; the 
 vulgar trust in favor," says Confucius. But this will 
 be very summary just a few ceremonies in this gar 
 den we will not disturb the festivities outside.
 
 34 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 POA 
 Most laudable intention. But no strangers I pray 
 
 no fuss no scandal ; of all things I deplore scan 
 dal and were there outsiders I would feel it my 
 painful duty to explain my emerald seal 
 
 WANG 
 
 No one but ourselves and the men in this garden 
 
 to act also as executioners in case 
 
 POA 
 
 Exactly and excellently planned. Worthy father- 
 in-law, your scheme is as neat as a snail in its shell. 
 
 TAI 
 I claim the right to defendants. 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Pointing to the two guards) 
 
 These can be your defendants. They are your fel 
 low servants and know the most about you here. 
 
 POA 
 Precise as a crab in its skin. 
 
 TAI 
 .Some one from my own province 
 
 POA 
 
 Question not your master's generosity, wretched fel 
 low. Your past is best buried in obscurity.
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 35 
 
 WANG 
 
 Unhappy man, the crime was committed here, 
 Who more fitting than these witnesses ? 
 
 POA 
 
 My father-in-law, the tea-leaf eyelids of the Sages 
 would quiver at your perfect comprehension and jus 
 tice. 
 
 TAI 
 
 You will regret this. 
 
 POA 
 
 Very like. I am tender-hearted and ever hate to 
 witness suffering. 
 
 WANG 
 
 I depart to seek the law books. " To foster right 
 among the people to honor the ghosts of the dead 
 while keeping aloof from them may be called Wisdom." 
 
 POA 
 
 For a theft of over a thousand gold pieces it is hang 
 ing, is it not? My ring was worth twenty thousand. 
 
 WANG 
 That is the penalty. 
 
 POA 
 
 And that this should defile your garden! In my 
 grief for you I feel sorrow and desire for my ring 
 passing away. Is it not dangerous to leave these men 
 with the prisoner? He might confer falsely or even 
 divulge the hiding place of the ring, and they escape.
 
 36 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 WANG 
 
 True. Is he well tied ? 
 
 GUARD 
 Perfectly. (TAi-Lo is roped hand and foot.) 
 
 WANG 
 
 He is as safe there as a clipped sparrow, and we will 
 guard the gates. Come, men, you will be allowed to 
 confer with the prisoner for his defense under our 
 eyes. Ah, if all would hark to the words of the Sage 
 " Living on coarse rice and water with a bent arm 
 for pillow, mirth may be ours, but ill-begotten wealth 
 and honors r are to me a wandering cloud." 
 
 POA 
 
 We are not all born with the righteousness of Con 
 fucius in our breath as you are, my esteemed father-in- 
 law-to-be. 
 
 {They walk out slowly) 
 
 GUARD 
 
 (In TAi-Lo's ear) 
 Tell me where it is that ring 
 
 TAI 
 
 You knave! 
 
 GUARD 
 
 Remember then by Kong-Fu-Tsu, I'll say you 
 swallowed it, and then (He makes the motion of 
 ripping open TAI'S body with a knife.) It is not 
 pleasant even with a sharp knife and I doubt if they 
 wait to hang you first.
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 3? 
 
 WANG 
 (Callinff) 
 Come here, you loiterers ! 
 
 GUARD 
 I was but tightening the ropes. 
 
 (The GUARDS go out.)' 
 
 (Li-Ti enters on tip-toe. She sways, and ad 
 vances very slowly. Suddenly, very swiftly, 
 she stoops and feels in a flower bed. TAl-Lo 
 whistles a little tune.) 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 (Her hands behind her} 
 You are spying on me! Oh! 
 
 TAI 
 
 If you move your celestial path to another circle, I 
 cannot see you. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 Oh, poor gardener you are bound! Does it hurt! 
 
 TAI 
 A little, but not so much as that you should see me so. 
 
 LI-TI 
 
 You do look funny! Ah, I did not mean that I 
 will see that you are unbound. I want to hear you 
 talk again. I hate to see you so. Can't you move? 
 
 TAI 
 
 My position is honorably uncomfortable. Your
 
 38 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 august father is pleased to accuse me of taking your 
 estimable husband-to-be's ring. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 But you did not. They were estimably in the 
 wrong. 
 
 TAI 
 
 You believe I did not steal? Your words are as 
 sweet as the song of the Fung-Noang, the wonder- 
 birds. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 Would it free you if the ring were found? If the 
 emerald the size of a pigeon's egg and the value of 
 sixty pagodas of pearl were to be spaded up in this 
 flower-bed ? 
 
 TAI 
 I am afraid not. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 It would not matter? 
 
 TAI 
 You are pleased? 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 Oh, it is only a little matter something to do with 
 myself, and not at all important as your troubles are. 
 It is only that if the ring were not found, I heard it 
 said that Poa-Ting-Fang my husband-to-be would 
 look upon me with frowning, and not take me to his 
 house, but go away.
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 39 
 
 TAI 
 You do not want to marry him? 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 I have heard that he is old and ugly and stupid, and 
 likes dry things to learn by rote instead of of know 
 ing nice pretty flower stories such as 
 
 TAI 
 As I know? 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 Yes. But I must not take up all the time with this 
 idle chatter of my affairs. There must be found a 
 way to free you and then the ring will never be found. 
 Oh, I would stamp it to pieces myself rather than that, 
 and I would never have to learn any more stupid lists 
 for Ting-Fang only funny flower stories here in the 
 garden with you, and we would be so happy and care 
 free. Wouldn't we? 
 
 TAI 
 
 It would be as a thousand springtimes. I wish it 
 were possible. 
 
 LI-TI 
 
 Why not? 
 
 TAI 
 
 You yourself have poured water on the last spark 
 of hope. 
 
 LI-TI 
 
 You think the ring could free you after all? 
 
 TAI 
 If anything. But speak not of that.
 
 40 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 I must (in a very faint voice) ; and the ring shall 
 be found. 
 
 TAI 
 
 I hope not, for your honorable sake. You will stay 
 in the garden and talk to the bright lilies, and all the 
 wicked lacquered goblins on the cornice of the house of 
 Ting-Fang shall wriggle their fire-colored tongues in 
 vain, for they shall not have you to eat. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 But I should not like it if you were not here. 
 
 TAI 
 
 You think so? To-night even in the great citron 
 light of sunset when the Three Councillors open their 
 cold bright eyes in the Northern sky, you will have 
 forgotten. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 No! Your ghost would come to me. 
 
 TAI 
 
 Do not fear for me. " Those who have not tasted 
 the bitterest of Life's bitters can never appreciate the 
 sweetest of Life's sweets." And even if the emerald 
 should be found growing like a celestial magic leaf upon 
 these flower stems, there are those to say I hid it, and 
 that is theft confessed. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 But if some one else were to say he took it?
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 41 
 
 TAI 
 
 jewel in the lotus, do you think others wait to 
 hang in my stead ? 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 (Slowly) 
 
 1 could not live, and think that I had harmed you. 
 
 TAI 
 That is very kind. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 You do not believe me? It is true! 
 
 TAI 
 
 Did you not just say, Almond Flower, that it was 
 your happiness for the ring not to be found? That 
 is proof. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 When I think of going with that dreadful old man, 
 it is like holding my hand in a crab's tooth. But a 
 way will be found to free you. It must. 
 
 TAI 
 
 To argue with you, little one, is like throwing water 
 in a frog's face. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 Oh, you are so funny! Have I a face like a frog? 
 
 TAI 
 More like a lotus petal.
 
 42 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 Ah, I cannot bear it ! I must tell you it is a 
 secret 
 
 TAI 
 Tell me. The dead have no tongues to wag. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 Don't say it! Tai-Lo, you are not going to die! 
 
 TAI 
 That is nonsense. What is your secret ? 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 It is that I Oh, I dare not I cannot (She 
 hides her face behind her fan.) 
 
 TAI 
 
 Your esteemed father and his honorable guest your 
 husband-to-be are approaching. It would not be 
 seemly that they find you in converse with a prisoner. 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 (Looking up steadily over her fan} 
 Good-by. Tai-Lo. 
 
 TAI 
 
 Good-by. 
 
 (Li-Ti vanishes in the bushes.} 
 (WANG-CHU-Mo and PoA-TiNG-FANG enter, 
 followed by servants bearing two high gilded 
 chairs. Two others carry parasols, and an 
 other books, papers, and a long quill pen. One 
 man has a heavy rope slung over his arm. At
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 43 
 
 a reasonable distance the two governesses follow, 
 whispering importantly under their umbrella. 
 The bearers put down the chairs and WANG 
 and POA ascends them, the umbrellas being 
 held over their heads. A scribe sits cross- 
 legged at their feet, with his materials spread 
 before him. The governesses stand behind 
 WANG'S chair, and the servants in a row be 
 hind POA'S. WANG motions for TAi-Lo to be 
 unbound. He comes to stand in front of the 
 chairs. ) 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Reading from a book) 
 
 " To leave untaught and then kill is cruelty ; to ask 
 full tale without warning is tyranny. To give care 
 less orders and be strict when the day comes is rob 
 bery; to be stingy in rewarding men is littleness." 
 Court is open. This man is accused of a theft sur 
 passing the mark of ten thousand gold pieces. I be 
 ing judge of this province may acquit him, or find him 
 guilty. If he is found guilty, he may be hanged. 
 
 POA 
 
 (Fanning himself) 
 Most suitable, most suitable. 
 
 WANG 
 
 Who stands against this man? 
 
 POA 
 (Rising) 
 
 I do.
 
 44 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 (Several of the servants bow, and the gov 
 ernesses come forward timidly.} 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Speaking to the SCRIBE) 
 Put down the names. 
 
 POA 
 Of us all 
 
 WANG 
 
 Yes, all except those two. (He points to the two 
 guards of TAi-Lo.) They are to speak for the 
 prisoner. 
 
 POA 
 
 (Coldly) 
 
 Ah, those. (He leans over to them.) Merely tech 
 nical, my men, I assure you. There will be no pen 
 alty attached for you if your ah client is found 
 guilty. 
 
 TAI 
 I will speak for myself. 
 
 GUARD 
 (In his ear) 
 And what have you to say to me? 
 
 TAI 
 That you can go to the devil. 
 
 (The guard whispers vindictively.) 
 
 TAI 
 
 You blackguard! (He falls on the man, half knock-
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 45 
 
 ing him down, and is pulled back by the other guard. 
 WANG and POA both rise. The governesses scream.} 
 
 WANG 
 (Shrilly) 
 
 Stop it there! How dare you, vagrant beetle that 
 you are, interrupt and insult the honor of the court 
 before my eyes! Oh, lamentable viciousness! 
 
 POA 
 Scandalous ! 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Sinking back in his chair , the guards having pulled 
 TAI-LAO back) 
 
 An execrable beginning. 
 
 POA 
 
 Contemptible. To maul his very fellow defendant! 
 
 TAI 
 
 It is not as you think, Lord Wang; if you will hear 
 me, this man 
 
 POA 
 Out of order. (Fanning.) Tales, tales. 
 
 WANG 
 
 Out of order, certainly! and there is nothing to 
 excuse your incredible actions. " The people are the 
 root of a country, if the root is firm, the country will 
 be tranquil; if the root is rotten, the country breaks 
 like a house with a cracked floor."
 
 46 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 GUARD 
 
 I refuse to answer for this man. I want to accuse 
 him 
 
 POA 
 Very proper spirit, very proper. 
 
 GUARD 
 I can tell you 
 
 WANG 
 
 All in appropriate time. Put his name down there. 
 (He raps sharply on the arm of his chair with his fan.) 
 Proceed! We will omit the formalities and come to 
 the accusations. 
 
 SCRIBE 
 
 (Reading from his papers in a high singsong} 
 The gardener, Tai-Lo, is accused of theft in the 
 third degree of 
 
 POA 
 Time presses. 
 
 WANG 
 
 Come to the list of evidence. 
 
 SCRIBE 
 
 First: He was known to be alone in the garden 
 when the great and honorable Lord Poa-Ting-Fang lost 
 his most precious emerald ring clear as the sunset 
 after rain of the size of a pigeon's egg and the 
 value of ten thousand silver mines. He was seen to 
 work under the very feet of the great Poa-Ting-Fang 
 as the ring slipped from his ringer >
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 47 
 
 TAX 
 
 If he knew when it fell, why did he not pick it up ? 
 
 WANG 
 
 Again, silence. 
 
 POA 
 
 Note that down if he knew if he knew. 
 (Making a note in his book.) 
 
 SCRIBE 
 
 Second: He confessed openly to have been a wan 
 dering beggar and questionable character before his 
 entering as a gardener only a few days before the 
 notable Poa-Ting-Fang was due for a visit, and he 
 admitted in the access of his unworthy triumph that he 
 had found the gleanings of the garden even more than 
 he had expected. 
 
 LING 
 
 That we found out 
 
 LANG 
 
 He admitted it to us. 
 
 POA 
 Most admirable example of female intelligence! 
 
 LING 
 
 ( To LANG, as they settle back) 
 " A man thinks he knows, but a woman knows 
 better." 
 
 SCRIBE 
 Third : The guilty one is known to have confessed
 
 48 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 to taking the ring into the august ear of Poa-Ting- 
 Fang himself. 
 
 POA 
 
 Is that not sufficient? 
 
 SCRIBE 
 
 Though, being as a weasel in his ways, he will not 
 confess where he has hid away the jewel. (He rolls 
 up his paper, and sits down.) 
 
 TAI 
 
 Poa-Ting-Fang has made my confession incomplete 
 because he does not know any more than I do where 
 the ring is. 
 
 POA 
 Does the court permit this slander on my person? 
 
 WANG 
 
 We will hear the man though his ridiculous insinua 
 tions are hardly worth the attentions of our august ear. 
 " But he who contains himself goes seldom wrong," 
 says the wise man. We will listen though it be wind 
 in our ears. 
 
 POA 
 
 " Politeness before force." 
 
 TAI 
 I have not seen the ring. 
 
 POA 
 
 That is an ah inaccuracy. The person has 
 seen the jewel on this very hand, flashing in the sun
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 49 
 
 before his greedy eyes as I walked in the garden. 
 Could any one have overlooked the sacred emerald of 
 the house of Fang? Of the value of five hundred 
 Ming vases all fragile as the wings of a moth? His 
 statement is worthless. 
 
 TAI 
 
 Yes, my uncle, my esteemed and proud relative, I 
 have seen the ring on my father's finger it was my 
 father whose estates you will steal to your own ends 
 seen it with my eyes the eyes of Fang-Tai my 
 father's son. 
 
 POA 
 
 His guilt has gone to his head. Too bad, too bad. 
 " Memory makes dizzy his thought like the perfume of 
 some venomous flower." 
 
 WANG 
 
 What proof have you for this monstrous imper 
 tinence? 
 
 TAI 
 
 " When a bird is to die his note is sad, when a man 
 is to die, his words are true." Do you deny that I am 
 your nephew, Lord Ting- Fang? 
 
 POA 
 
 Most certainly. My Lord Wang-Mo, do you per 
 mit this man to question whether I know my own 
 nephew? Indeed " if the tongue have no fear, words 
 are hard to make good."
 
 WANG 
 
 Consider which way your tongue goes. How can 
 you utter such an assertion? 
 
 POA 
 
 " The charioteer of Resolve has lost control of the 
 wild team of Fancy." 
 
 GOVERNESSES 
 (Behind their fans) 
 Very pretty very pretty. 
 
 (POA smiles indulgen ly.) 
 
 TAI 
 
 (Holding out an amulet that is a string about his neck) 
 I have here the. perfect duplicate of the sacred amulet 
 of the house of Fang, the secret seal of our ancestors, 
 given only to the first sons of our house. 
 
 POA 
 Very unlikely. 
 
 TAI 
 
 And any man from our province would know me 
 I can tell you the secret and inmost furnishings of our 
 palace 
 
 POA 
 
 The man must have a whole band of accomplices to 
 lie for him. 
 
 GOVERNESSES 
 " Evil is not hermit. It has ever neighbors."
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 51 
 
 POA 
 Exact and just. 
 
 TAI 
 
 Do you deny, Poa-Ting-Fang, that in the hidden 
 corner of your chamber 
 
 POA 
 
 Whose word is to be taken this vagabond's or 
 mine? Are my household gods to be dragged out and 
 shamed before the whole countryside and in the 
 mouth of every lying rascal? I have said that he is a 
 thief. My word is used as carelessly as a lead penny. 
 (He rises.) This court shall keep me no longer. I 
 will go forth, and say that it is no court. 
 
 WANG 
 
 My most exalted guest, your word is as valuable as 
 a ruby. Into a court is sifted both chaff and grain. 
 We must winnow all. Be satisfied that the affair will 
 be settled here and take it no further. (PoA seats 
 himself.) 
 
 POA 
 (Sulkily) 
 
 " Long visits make short compliments." 
 
 WANG 
 
 You have an amulet? 
 
 POA 
 Like most gardeners apes are we all.
 
 52 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 GOVERNESSES 
 Yes, yes, apes. 
 
 WANG 
 
 Speak slowly and take heed of your words 
 concerning it. The offense is great. How can you 
 prove your assertion here and now? 
 
 TAI 
 
 The amulet is cut so cunningly that it fits into a 
 hidden part of the ring of our house. 
 
 POA 
 And the ring is lost! Very neat, very neat. 
 
 WANG 
 
 You testify to your own guilt. 
 
 TAI 
 I dare you to find the ring, Poa-Ting-Fang. 
 
 GUARD 
 He can't do it! He can't do it! 
 
 WANG 
 Why not? 
 
 GUARD 
 
 (Pointing to TAI-Lo) 
 Because he's swallowed it! 
 
 ALL 
 Swallowed it!
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 53 
 
 TAI 
 
 That that is too absurd ! 
 
 GUARD 
 (Vindictively) 
 
 When he knew he was caught he did it to hide 
 his guilt 
 
 TAI 
 
 And how do you prove that? 
 
 GUARD 
 (Significantly) 
 There is one way to prove it quick and sure. 
 
 WANG 
 
 This is most distressing! 
 
 POA 
 
 Most shocking to my delicate sensibilities 
 
 GUARD 
 
 Will you hang him first? My Lord, does such a 
 liar deserve it ? 
 
 POA 
 
 Perhaps the guard is right and since the man 
 claims to exalted ancestry, however knavish his asser 
 tions, that is a more ah aristocratic way of ah 
 committing suicide. But, oh, my tender perceptions. 
 
 WANG 
 
 I must complete my duty and the law.
 
 54 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 GUARD 
 (Delightedly producing a knife in one hand and a rope 
 
 in the other} 
 
 Have I your august permission to 
 (The bushes part suddenly and Ll-Tl appears.) 
 
 Li-Ti 
 (Shrilly) 
 
 No! 
 
 WANG 
 
 My daughter! 
 
 POA 
 
 My future bride! (He modestly hides his face be 
 hind his fan.) 
 
 WANG 
 
 This is the culmination of unseemliness! Unhappy 
 girl! 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 (Prostrating herself) 
 
 I will walk in obedience all my life. I will be faith 
 ful and light lanterns before all the household gods, 
 and obey your slightest eyelid quiver as your most sub 
 servient and unworthy wife, my Lord Ting-Fang, but 
 I cannot live and know that such a crime was done in 
 my name. 
 
 WANG 
 
 In your name ? , 
 
 Li-Ti 
 Oh, a thousand pardons, most august and best of
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 55 
 
 fathers ten thousand, O most exalted husband-to-be 
 but I with my miserable eyes had never beheld the 
 countenance of my Lord Ting- Fang and knew that 
 he could care naught for one so lowly as I and I 
 found O, a million apologies, most celestial ones 
 that my unworthy heart was not with him that it lay 
 in the hand of another and when I heard from 
 all mouths that my Lord Ting-Fang would not have 
 me if his ring were not found I thought only of 
 myself in my unhappiness and I saw the ring where 
 it lay fallen in our most unworthy garden, slipped 
 from his august ringer and I stole it. 
 
 WANG 
 You! 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 Yes. Cover me with a thousand confusions. Bury 
 me forever in the cold cells of the sacred Pagoda. But 
 do not harm Tai-Lo. (She holds out her hand.} 
 Here it is. 
 
 POA 
 
 {Coming suddenly down from his chair) 
 Let me see. 
 
 TAI 
 (Forestalling him, and covering the ring with his 
 
 hand} 
 No. 
 
 LING 
 
 (Catching a sleeve of Li-Ti and pulling her back} 
 Little spider is this how you reward our teaching !
 
 56 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 LANG 
 
 (Pulling her by the other sleeve) 
 " The five worst infirmities that afflict women 
 are" 
 
 WANG 
 Peace. 
 
 TAI 
 
 Behold; my Lord Wang. (He holds the ring and 
 his amulet together in his hand.) 
 
 WANG 
 Complete. How strange indeed are the Gods! 
 
 TAI 
 There will now be time to prove more 
 
 POA 
 
 (With a majestic wave of his hand) 
 My worthy and honorable Lord Wang-Chu-Mu, 
 and others that are here, I admit that this person is 
 unfortunately my nephew. I admit that I denied him 
 before you. I admit that I would rather have my 
 tender, high-strung sensibilities racked to their core 
 as they would have been by the shedding of my own 
 flesh and blood and the thrice regrettable demise of 
 my unfortunate nephew than to have the lands of my 
 ancestors ravaged and the gods of my household pro 
 faned by falling into the hands of a profligate and a 
 waster. But through the interruption of, I may say 
 with a blush, your unmaidenly daughter, all this can 
 not be. But the hem of my skirt will be clear of it 
 from now on. I resign my lands into the hands of
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 57 
 
 this rascal, preferring that they perish quickly and 
 without the open scandal of a lawsuit with such as he. 
 And you, Wang-Mu, I congratulate you that you have 
 not had the inconvenience of having your daughter re 
 turned to you, as she surely must have been had I seen 
 her in my house. I leave her to my nephew. I fear 
 they are only too well suited to each other. I have 
 the pleasure of bidding you an honorable farewell. 
 And try, I beg you, though I fear it will be difficult, to 
 remember that " A gentleman is consistent and change 
 less and a combination of art and nature well blent." 
 
 {He moves off with great dignity, signing to a 
 man to follow him with an umbrella. All 
 bow.} 
 
 WANG 
 
 Alas! Like the famous man, " He wears a mask of 
 love but his deeds belie it." 
 
 LING 
 Such a splendid creature! 
 
 LANG 
 
 Like the full moon his face, with eyebrows like 
 swallows' wings 
 
 TAI 
 My uncle has always dignity and discretion. 
 
 WANG 
 
 Completely polite. 
 
 (PoA-TiNG-FANG disappears.)
 
 58 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 TAI 
 
 May I have the honor of suggesting that I am now 
 as my uncle though undoubtedly somewhat less 
 august and complete in my gifts and stand in the 
 most exalted shoes of your son-in-law-to-be? 
 
 WANG 
 
 I will consult the law upon that most desirable 
 point. My garden is yours, and my house and all 
 that I have. 
 
 (He goes off slowly, followed by the scribe, 
 chair and the others. All bow deeply.) 
 
 TAI 
 
 (To Li-Ti) 
 So that was your secret? 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 (Prostrating herself) 
 Oh, most honorable lord, forgive my boldness. 
 
 TAI 
 
 (Lifting her to him) 
 
 You would have sacrificed yourself so no harm 
 should come to me. It gives faith to a poor vagabond 
 to take up the works of his ancestors again. 
 
 (The bearers come back with Li-Ti's chair. 
 She ascends it.) 
 
 TAI 
 
 I shall remember that the first day I saw you was 
 the birthday of a thousand flowers, and each succeeding 
 day will be the unfolding of a new petal.
 
 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 59 
 
 Li-Ti 
 
 Oh, most honorable one! I will have no more se 
 crets from you I will tell you all. 
 
 TAI 
 
 In a garden where there are plenty of bees. (He 
 bows. The bearers carry off her chair. LING and 
 LANG follow.) 
 
 (As the chair reaches the opposite of the pool 
 Li-Ti leans out and throws him a kiss. TAI- 
 Lo follows them out slowly, humming the same 
 tune as when he first came into the garden.)
 
 60 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
 
 Any garden could be used for this play. 
 
 To make it appear Chinese, large flat gray sil 
 houettes, cut to represent the stone lanterns and pagoda 
 ornaments so often seen in Chinese gardens could be 
 easily made, and placed about. 
 
 It is pretty to have a little walk or vista down which 
 the processions can come on entering the garden. The 
 bright colored costumes are very effective against the 
 green. 
 
 For amateur production, Chinese costumes and prop 
 erties are easy to find, and the coolie costumes can be 
 very effective with soft colored smocks and peaked 
 straw hats. 
 
 FOR INDOOR PRODUCTION 
 
 A simple scene would be 
 
 A white wall extends across the back of the stage, 
 with a little red door let in on one side, through which 
 the characters enter into the garden. The top of the 
 wall is colored with a band of scarlet, blue and gold 
 tiles, and perhaps the curving scarlet tip of a Chinese 
 roof shows over the top of the wall against the vivid 
 blue sky. The grass in the garden is very bright green, 
 with a little pebble path running through it, and prim 
 flower beds against the wall, and in the foreground, 
 brilliant, stiff flowers. On either side, stunted, Chinese 
 pines, in lacquered pots. For ornament, two red lac 
 quered sitting Chinese dogs guarding the door in the 
 -all.
 
 PAN PIPES 
 
 A WOODLAND PLAY
 
 PAN PIPES 1 
 A WOODLAND PLAY 
 
 SCENE. A wooded hillside. 
 TIME. A summer afternoon. 
 
 CHARACTERS 
 
 HARRY, of the Luxurio Stores. 
 CLARE, his fiancee. 
 A NYMPH. 
 THE FAUN. 
 
 1 Copyright, 1919, by Constance Wilcox.
 
 PAN PIPES 
 (A FAIRY TALE) 
 
 f j jHE scene is an open hillside with long grass, 
 i sunlit and rippling in the wind. On either 
 
 "^ side woodland encroaches with old gray trees 
 and thick twisted undergrowth. A gnarled oak stands 
 out a little by itself, against a blue and white sky. A 
 shrill piping is heard to drift across from the wood. It 
 is high and eerie and suddenly melts into silence. 
 
 HARRY and CLARE appear from the back over the 
 curve of the hillside. HARRY is a stocky youth in the 
 latest of pink shirts and black and white check trousers. 
 He carries his coat over his arm and fans himself with 
 a very new straw hat. His face is red and hot and his 
 dark hair plastered in a wet straggle over his fore 
 head. CLARE is a tiny creature in bright green, her 
 hands thrust in the sagging pockets of her sweater. 
 She is capped with a turned up black and green silk 
 sport hat. Under its close brim her hair puffs out each 
 side of her pointed face, a bright straw yellow. She 
 is quite pale but gives the effect of color because of 
 her incessant motion. 
 
 HARRY 
 
 (Puffing] 
 
 Nobody here, I said as there wouldn't be, 
 63
 
 64 PAN PIPES 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Oh, let's go just a bit further, Harry. It's such 
 larks, exploring. And I'm sure I heard something 
 a sort of whistling like. 
 
 HARRY 
 
 Wish it was an umpire's whistle. No such luck. 
 Well, it couldn't be no hotter on the bleachers than it 
 is here. Believe me. 
 (He wipes his forehead with a pink handkerchief) 
 
 And stiller'n the tombs at that. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (Looking about) 
 
 I guess maybe it was just a locust I heard. But it's 
 greener up here than it was down there somehow. Oh, 
 it is pretty! 
 
 HARRY 
 
 (Wading forward in the grass) 
 Bugs and grass. That comes cheap. This is the 
 rummest excursion the Luxurio Stores ever put across 
 since I've been handlin' their taffetas. Lordy. Bare 
 foot dancin' by a gang of high brows in a Jersey side 
 track. Lordy. (He reaches the oak and stands pant 
 ing in its shade.) 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (With a little twirl) 
 
 They were class. Mrs. Gethem says they was 
 was nymphs, she said, in the real Greek colors. 
 
 HARRY 
 Cheesecloth, Dyed. Fifteen a yard wholesale.
 
 PAN PIPES 65 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (With a toss of her head) 
 
 You're so bourgeoise, Harry. It's all the go these 
 separate dances. It was a dance to Pan they was doin', 
 the professor man told me. It looked like lots of fun. 
 (She takes a light step or two.) You go just where 
 you feel like. (She twinkles her fingers as she whirls, 
 as if play in g a Pan's pipe.) It comes natural. Isn't 
 that pretty? (Her hat falls off. She catches it, and 
 turns suddenly.) There you dapped your hands. 
 
 HARRY 
 
 (Fanning himself with his hat) 
 I did not. Give me a jazz fox-trot every time. 
 Not but what you've got 'em all tied to a standstill for 
 looks, Clare. Always had. I picked some winner for 
 my best girl. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (Coming towards him, puzzled) 
 Some one did clap their hands. 
 
 HARRY 
 (Carefully spreading his coat on the grass under 
 
 the oak) 
 
 Some of the poor ginks back there applaudin' an 
 encore of the dyed cheesecloth and bare feet to get a 
 drag with the boss and his professor friend. Not for 
 mine. (He sits down on the coat and pats the grass 
 beside him.) If I've got to go to grass I prefers to 
 my company.
 
 66 PAN PIPES 
 
 CLARE 
 (Dropping down quickly, beside hinij her hat in 
 
 her lap} 
 
 I like the grass. I do. And it smells simply won 
 derful. It's great up here just you and me in the 
 sun and green 
 
 HARRY 
 
 (Patting her hand} 
 
 Here's to it. But no fresh air fund stuff for yours 
 truly. Coney has the same green effect with good 
 little old railways running through it- Zip-wow 
 
 CLARE 
 (Pulling away with a little laugh. She spills over 
 
 backwards on the grass} 
 Oh and I'd just rather roll down this hill! 
 
 HARRY 
 
 What's eatin' you ? Want a little cheesecloth dress to 
 caper with the rest of the bosses' highbrow entertain 
 ers? Some little annual picnic. Lordy. They're all 
 crazy as katydids. And now you've got 'em. 
 
 CLARE 
 (Kneeling in the grass, arranging her rumpled tousel 
 
 of straw colored hair} 
 
 There's lots of things different from what you and 
 I have always known. The store and Coney and 
 the movies 
 
 HARRY 
 
 Not forgettin' some future manoeuvers with furni 
 ture on the instalment.
 
 PAN PIPES 67 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (Busy with her hair) 
 
 There's other things. When we're all hustlin' in 
 the city 1 with so many people and houses about I don't 
 hear 'em. But up here. (She looks about.) It's as 
 if my mind just started talkin' to me because every- 
 thin' else was so still. There's lots of things we don't 
 know about, Harry. 
 
 HARRY 
 
 I'd just as soon do without. If the bare foot trip- 
 pin' about we was brought up here to enjoy's a sample. 
 
 CLARE 
 (Staring) 
 What's that you're sitting against, Harry? 
 
 HARRY 
 
 (Shifting, and revealing a squarish boulder, lichen- 
 covered and worn with time) 
 A stone. Look out or you'll give me the jumps. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 {Intently, as she moves near) 
 
 It's it's squarish, isn't it and flat on top and 
 oh it's got sort of marks on its sides. 
 
 HARRY 
 
 See here. The sun's gone to your head. Put on 
 your hat. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (With a laugh as she jumps up and runs to the stone) 
 Oh, it is. I'm sure it is one of those stones the
 
 68 PAN PIPES 
 
 professor was telling us about. He said there used 
 to be lots about the hills altar stones to Pan, he 
 called them. Funny oquare stones with a little scoop 
 in the top to catch the rain look, here it is 
 
 HARRY 
 
 (Edging away nervously) 
 
 Well, what of it? Why didn't the precious dancers 
 gyrate about this if it was so grand? I guess it was 
 too blooming hot for them. (He yawns.) 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (Excitedly, as she balances herself on the stone) 
 They would have if they'd known it was here, I 
 guess. That was who they was dancin' to Pan. 
 
 HARRY 
 
 (Stretching himself) 
 Who's he? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 But the professor says nobody knows just where 
 these stones will be or who put them here that's 
 the fun of it. Only only sometimes people used to 
 think Pan did it. He was a sort of god, you know 
 big and strong with hoofs like a goat, and lives in the 
 woods 
 
 HARRY 
 (Sleepily) 
 Bunk. 
 
 CLARE 
 They they said he used to come and drink out
 
 PAN PIPES 69 
 
 of the rain water in the hollow and after that the 
 water was magic. Oh look! There's some here now! 
 (She dips her finger in it.) 
 
 HARRY 
 Bunk. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 But think what fun to have believed it. Oh I'm 
 sorry I can't believe it, too. I'm sorry they're noth 
 ing but fairy-tales. Don't laugh, Harry. 
 
 HARRY 
 (Who has slumped down on the other side of the tree, 
 
 and is now preparing for a nap} 
 I didn't laugh. I wasn't that entertained. (He 
 rolls up his coat and thumps it into a pillow.} 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (Indignantly, slipping off the stone} 
 You did laugh. I heard you. 
 
 HARRY 
 When you come to, wake me. (He turns over.} 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (Stamping} 
 
 Oh, sleep if you want to be so stupid. You're a pig. 
 Nothing but a big pink pig! (She shoves him with 
 her foot.) 
 
 HARRY 
 (Sitting up sulkily and looking very like what she just 
 
 called him} 
 Say, I guess you're just a little bit above yourself.
 
 70 PAN PIPES 
 
 Ain't you, Clare? You have been ever since we come 
 into this silly wood. It ain't anything that's the matter 
 with your old Harry? Is it? You know I couldn't 
 breathe much if I thought that. (He pulls her wrist.) 
 
 CLARE 
 
 No. Of course not. It's just (She hammers 
 on the grass with one fist) that you don't understand. 
 
 HARRY 
 Now what don't I ? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Oh just how I like the the grass and the sun 
 and everything. I could eat it. 
 
 HARRY 
 
 (Running his fingers through his hair) 
 It makes me sick. It does. It's enough to turn the 
 gall of any straight American. That's what comes of 
 taking decent people out to see these new fool fan 
 dangle idiotic dances in the woods to Gods what 
 never was anyhow and least of all here. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Oh, they were they were It's not just the 
 country. It's not just Jersey or Greece or any place. 
 They were everywhere where there were woods. 
 
 HARRY 
 
 Yes and what do you get out of the woods? Ant 
 bites and dirt, and maybe a day's picnic that would be 
 a lot cleaner in good little old Coney. Or maybe you'd
 
 PAN PIPES 71 
 
 like to be a farmer's wife? I guess you know what 
 that means all right. They ain't overfond of the sun 
 and woods what's all around 'em. What would the 
 country do for us? Put us in the hobo class in a 
 month. Leave the nature fakin' to the idle rich what 
 has automobiles to carry 'em away from it. Don't 
 you get your head turned by no high-brow picnic the 
 boss gives us all and a rotten slow one too if you 
 ask me. (He subsides towards his coat pillow.} No 
 back-woods life for us. 
 
 CLARE 
 But there must be some way of just enjoyin' it. 
 
 HARRY 
 
 (Recumbent} 
 
 There ain't no way. Flies mosquitoes hornets 
 dust and five miles to the nearest corner. Lordy. 
 Lordy. And hard on the feet (He shoves up one 
 yellow oxford-clad foot and surveys it.} I'm com 
 pletely busted. Say, Clare, you don't mind if I do 
 take a little snooze? This country life is rougher on 
 me for half a day than six months trampin' the aisle at 
 the Stores and no raise in sight here either. I'll 
 just rest up a minute here. You run along if you like 
 and see some more of the boss' bare foot entertainers 
 or get in with your friend the professor what planned 
 the boss' treat. Treat! Lordy! 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (As he settles comfortably down} 
 No-o. I'll stay here and keep off the hornets 
 (She fans with his hat.}
 
 72 PAN PIPES 
 
 HARRY 
 (Drowsily) 
 Good little Clare. 
 
 (He sleeps. She continues to fan gently, and 
 then drops the hat slowly into her lap, and clasps 
 her hands on it, looking out over the field.) 
 (There comes suddenly the shrill quick piping 
 from the wood. It stops.) 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (Sitting up on her heels, and pushing back her hair) 
 Oh Yes? 
 
 ( The piping comes again louder and stops as 
 suddenly as before. There is a slight crackling 
 in the wood.) 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Who is it? (She peers into the wood. Silence.) 
 Who is it? Harry did you hear that? 
 
 (HARRY turns over with a soft grunt. He is 
 
 dead asleep.) 
 
 ( The piping sounds again very sharply. There 
 
 is a crashing in the undergrowth and then a 
 
 laugh.) 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (Starting to her feet) 
 
 Oh! That was what laughed before. (She 
 shivers.) 
 
 (Suddenly with a breaking of undergrowth a 
 girl tears out from the wood. She is very 
 slight with thin brown arms and legs twinkling
 
 PAN PIPES 73 
 
 from a bluish green shift, and dark hair flying 
 out behind her. She stumbles on a root as she 
 comes into the open, recovers her balance and 
 flies over the ground. Her face is twisted back 
 over her shoulder and she is gasping with terror. 
 She collides suddenly with CLARE leaps back 
 and then grasps her again.) 
 
 GIRL 
 
 Quick. Run. Quick. He's close behind. Quick. 
 (She drags at CLARE.) *\ 
 
 CLARE 
 Who is? 
 
 GIRL 
 
 (Pulling her along in an agony of haste. There comes 
 further crackling from the bushes she has just left) 
 
 Oh hurry. Hurry. Hell have us both. It's 
 Glaucos the Faun. He's there and he's seen us. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (Holding her arm) 
 Oh, you're one of the dancers. What's the matter ? 
 
 GIRL 
 
 (Freeing herself with a frantic jump) 
 I must get back to my tree. I must. I shouldn't 
 have come out but I thought there were others. 
 Oh, he's close here. Stop him. Stop him ! 
 
 (She bolts across the hill into the wood on the 
 other side, just as THE FAUN crashes out of the 
 wood behind.)
 
 74 PAN PIPES 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Here. Stop there. Stop! (She gets right in the 
 way of THE FAUN who is running head down. He 
 recoils from the collision.) Aren't you ashamed of 
 yourself, chasing about like that! 
 
 (THE FAUN recovers his balance, and with a 
 sudden lurch seizes her in his arms.) 
 
 THE FAUN 
 
 Syrinx ! 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (Freeing herself with such a violent wrench that THE 
 FAUN, taken unawares tumbles suddenly backwards) 
 
 How dare you! I'm not Syrinx! 
 
 THE FAUN 
 
 (Who has only bounded down like a rubber ball, and 
 is now crouched tense, in the grass looking up at her) 
 No? Not Syrinx? What are you then? 
 
 CLARE 
 (Angrily) 
 
 I'm Miss Clare Flaxon of the Luxurio Stores, and 
 there's my fiance there, Harry Markem. I guess he'd 
 like to wake up and see you treating me like that ! We 
 came out on the store's annual picnic and we saw you 
 dancing, but I don't think the boss would have much 
 to say to you if he saw you chasing about this way. 
 
 THE FAUN 
 
 (Speculatively) 
 
 I'll get her yet. (He grins and looks at the wood 
 opposite.) The minx!
 
 PAN PIPES 75 
 
 CLARE 
 
 How could you chase the poor young lady so ! Even 
 if it was all play-acting she looked really scared. 
 You frightened her out of her wits. 
 
 THE FAUN 
 (Rising) 
 
 Frightened! Was ever creature so absurd! She 
 loves it. The chase. The wind in her face. The 
 excitement. The scant breath. She lives for it! 
 
 CLARE 
 
 She looked just exhausted to me. And I should 
 think she would be with all that dancing down there 
 in the glade and all the encores we gave them. 
 
 THE FAUN 
 
 What! (He stares and then drops suddenly back 
 ward on the grass and rolls about with shrieks of 
 laughter.} Oh, you thought her one of those dancers 
 in the glade one of those splay footed clumsy 
 heavy imitations. Oh, I shall die of laughter. You 
 thought her one of those creatures who hopped about 
 before people. Oh! OH! (He sits up suddenly 
 still shaking with mirth, and points a finger at CLARE.) 
 Oh, if she should hear it! She would strangle you in a 
 tree crotch, or bury you alive in running water. (He 
 bowls over again with laughter.) 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I don't see anything so funny. What is she then? 
 A prima-donna?
 
 76 PAN PIPES 
 
 THE FAUN 
 
 (Sitting up on his haunches} 
 
 She is Cloris the nymph and her home is the birch 
 tree. And I (He stands up and stretches to his 
 full height.) I am Glaucos the Faun. (He is a 
 splendid brown creature with shaggy legs and a vivid 
 beautiful face. He wears a vine wreath in his rough 
 dark curls and a pan's pipe slung over his bare shoul 
 ders^) 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (Retreating a step) 
 Oh you look like Pan. 
 
 THE FAUN 
 Don't speak sacrilege Syrinx I am only a faun. 
 
 CLARE 
 Who who are you ? 
 
 THE FAUN 
 
 I have told you. The Faun, Glaucos. The dweller 
 in the hazel thickets. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 You you frighten me somehow. (She smiles un 
 certainly.) But I suppose it's only your funny way. 
 (She glances at the sleeping HARRY to reassure her 
 self.) Every one must have his fun. 
 
 THE FAUN 
 
 Yes! Every one must have his fun. So I came 
 out to-day. Oh, and it has been fun! Those dances
 
 PAN PIPES 77 
 
 in the glade by those fat imitations ! I nearly split my 
 sides. (He laughs.) 
 
 CLARE 
 
 You're as bad as Harry. I thought they were very 
 pretty. So graceful and soothing sort of. It's a pity 
 there aren't any more nymphs and and fauns really 
 to dance. It would be nice. I'm kind of sorry there 
 aren't any. 
 
 THE FAUN 
 ( Creeping towards her) 
 
 Oh, aren't there? Aren't there any? Who is it 
 runs through the woods at night? You can hear the 
 thud of their feet on the dead leaves. Who is it has 
 just left the undergrowth all trembling as you enter 
 it? Who laughs in your ear when you are alone on 
 the hills? Who watches from behind tree trunks, and 
 splashes just a little way up the brook? Who stole 
 those who went into the woods and never came out? 
 What was it you saw running in the fields at twilight ? 
 (His face is thrust close into hers.) 
 
 CLARE 
 (Recoiling) 
 
 Oh, don't! I'm afraid. Oh! It is silly of me 
 to be frightened at things that aren't real. Isn't it ? 
 
 THE FAUN 
 
 I am here. The faun. I am strong as wind and 
 hot as fire. Touch me. (He advances as she steps 
 back from him.) It is I who hurl the branches down 
 from the living trees in the storm. I am so strong I
 
 78 PAN PIPES 
 
 can throttle the wood beasts with one hand while I 
 laugh. 
 
 CLARE 
 Horrible ! 
 
 THE FAUN 
 
 Beautiful! Have you never run through the night 
 with the stars swimming all about you or plunged 
 in an ice black pool to come up ringed with silver 
 
 CLARE 
 I am dreaming. Like Harry, I am dreaming. 
 
 THE FAUN 
 
 (Standing above the prostrate and gently breathing 
 HARRY) 
 
 Like Harry! (He throws back his head and 
 laughs. He leans towards her.} Yes, dreaming per 
 haps. But differently. In your eyes is the flicker of 
 shadows in the wood brook. Your head when it turns 
 is the toss of the aspen. Your dreams are real to you 
 and I am in them not this pig. 
 
 (He stirs HARRY with his foot. HARRY turns 
 over on his back with a gentle sigh. His mouth 
 is open.) 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (Rushing to the rescue} 
 
 He is my man. Mine. My fiance, and he loves 
 me. And I do him. Go away whoever you are or 
 I'll wake him now.
 
 PAN PIPES 79 
 
 THE FAUN 
 
 (Crouching, his face working} 
 
 Which is more real to you this snoring creature, 
 far enough away from you now in his sodden sleep, and 
 a future with him that you know no more of, in some 
 noisy, dirty slatternly city where you will become one 
 with the greasy ugly humans about where you will 
 lose all semblance of the loveliness you have now and 
 be some one you cannot even picture. Which is the 
 more real to you that or the whisper in your 
 ear that the hills are free to you take them take 
 them and the shimmer before your eyes that some 
 thing waits for you just over their crests? Syrinx 
 Syrinx (His voice grows soft a melting whis 
 per.) Do not wake. 
 
 CLARE 
 What are you? 
 
 THE FAUN 
 (Coming towards her) 
 I am the magic in life. Believe in me. 
 
 CLARE 
 I almost do. 
 
 THE FAUN 
 (Standing passive) 
 I am waiting Syrinx. 
 
 CLARE 
 (In a burst) 
 
 Show me something to prove you are real. Show 
 me!
 
 8o PAN PIPES 
 
 THE FAUN 
 (With a little smile) 
 
 Once you have touched me willingly. Once I 
 hold you in my arms willing You are one of us. 
 You will know it. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (Approaching him trembling) 
 How how will I know it? 
 
 THE FAUN 
 
 You will be as air and sunlight transparent to 
 human eyes. But you will be as free as they as 
 immortal. You will be young forever. Come. But 
 you must be willing. (His voice caresses.) Surely 
 to touch surely to be free cannot hurt you? 
 
 CLARE 
 I should I should love to be young forever. 
 
 (She touches his arm. She reaches up timidly 
 towards his shoulder. He seizes her suddenly 
 and kisses her. Then, still holding her, he 
 throws back his head and laughs loud and long. 
 CLARE struggles and frees herself with a jerk.) 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Oh, I am frightened. I am. It's horrible. Go 
 away. Harry! Harry! 
 
 (THE FAUN continues to laugh, holding its 
 sides. ) 
 
 (HARRY sits up with a jerk. He looks about 
 him wildly.)
 
 PAN PIPES 81 
 
 HARRY 
 
 (In a voice still thick with sleep} 
 That you? Clare? Are you calling me? Clare! 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Here I am. Here I am. Oh hold me, Harry. 
 I'm frightened. 
 
 HARRY 
 
 (Jumping to his feet, fully awake) 
 Clare! (He glares wildly about.) 
 
 CLARE 
 Here! Here! Before you. Don't you see me! 
 
 HARRY 
 
 (Lurching out towards her, and past her) 
 Where are you? Are you hiding, Clare? Is it a 
 trick? I can hear your voice just faintly. I'll 
 catch you yet. You wait. (He looks up the tree, 
 then around it.) 
 
 CLARE 
 Harry! Look at me! Look at me! 
 
 HARRY 
 
 (Peering into the branches of tLe tree) 
 That's what I'm trying to do. Oh, come on down, 
 Clare the joke's over. Where are you anyway? 
 
 THE FAUN 
 (With a sidelong leap, circling the tree, and peering 
 
 out from behind the trunk) 
 Anywhere everywhere in the shadow in the
 
 82 PAN PIPES 
 
 sun, as long as the sun and shadow play. (He grim 
 aces, and blows in HARRY'S face.) 
 
 HARRY 
 
 Bother the wind. Clare where are you ? Clare ! 
 Don't tease me like this. I never would 'a wanted 
 to hurt your feelings, Clare! 
 
 CLARE 
 (Sobbing) 
 
 Give him back to me! Let him see me! Take 
 away this awful thing. (She grovels in the grass be 
 fore the faun.) I feel something burning me. Take 
 it away. 
 
 THE FAUN 
 
 (Prancing just before her, pointing at her with out 
 stretched arm) 
 
 You gave willingly and it is given forever. 
 Laugh. And it will burn away all your memories. 
 
 CLARE 
 No. No. Help me. Help me. 
 
 HARRY 
 
 (Leaning up against the tree trunk, looking about) 
 What's that? I'm coming. (He starts away.) 
 
 CLARE 
 (Gasping) 
 No! I'm here. Here with you.
 
 PAN PIPES 83 
 
 HARRY 
 
 (Returning worried) 
 Then where are you? 
 
 THE FAUN 
 
 (Coming near her, still pointing") 
 I will come for another kiss and then you will 
 be all with us. You will be an aspen tree, and your 
 bright hair will shake in the breeze with its leaves. 
 But when I call, you will break out of the bark, and 
 run until I capture you again. (He throws back his 
 head and suddenly capers off in a great circle, about 
 them.) 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I am here, Harry. Here at your feet. Only you 
 can't see me. (She gulps.) I I am bewitched I 
 think. You never will see me any more. I I will 
 be an aspen tree! (She collapses on the grass.) 
 
 HARRY 
 What's tnat? I can't hear you. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 The faun he came out of the wood and and 
 Harry, he kissed me. I let him. Forgive me. For 
 give me. 
 
 HARRY 
 (To himself) 
 I don't hear anything any more. 
 
 THE FAUN 
 (Approaching) 
 It's beautiful to be free Syrinx. As soon as you
 
 84 PAN PIPES 
 
 laugh you will forget and I will come for you. 
 (He prances before HARRY.) She has gone into the 
 wood, man. Go after her. It is a pretty place, the 
 wood, with green thickets that might hide anything. 
 Come along. I'll show you. (He dances ahead.) 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (Rising) 
 
 No! No! No! 
 
 THE FAUN 
 
 Look at him. He doesn't hear you. He is only 
 a lump, and you are immortal with the sunlight now. 
 He will never hold you again. You are for me, 
 Syrinx. I will come back for you alone. 
 
 \ CLARE 
 
 I hate you. You are horrible. You have no heart ! 
 Let me go back ! 
 
 THE FAUN 
 
 (Dancing and pointing his finger at her) 
 Never. The immortals have no heart, and no mem 
 ory. Laugh and you will be an immortal. Laugh. 
 Laugh. 
 
 CLARE 
 (Sobbing) 
 
 Never to remember anything! Never to be human 
 again ! 
 
 THE FAUN 
 When I return I will make you laugh. (He dances
 
 PAN PIPES 85 
 
 off and circles HARRY.) Come seek your love in the 
 thicket, man and I will scratch you nicely. (He 
 laughs and plunges into the wood, HARRY after him.) 
 
 CLARE 
 (She falls face down on the old stone under the oak 
 
 tree) 
 Give me back my life! Give me back my life! 
 
 (THE FAUN and HARRY are heard crashing in 
 the underbrush. There comes the faint sound 
 of pipes, then Iqughter. Then silence.) 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (Sobbing on the stone) 
 
 Whoever you are God of the woods, you are 
 cruel, cruel! 
 
 (There is a breath of silence, and then a voice 
 speaks from the oak.) 
 
 VOICE 
 Who drinks the water on my altar? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (Starting up. Her hand is in the little pool on top 
 of the stone and she shakes back her head, some 
 
 drops of its water flying from her hair.) 
 What is that! 
 
 VOICE 
 
 Who drinks from the stone that has been the drink 
 ing cup of Pan? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I I do. (She puts her hand dazedly to her 
 mouth, and back again to the little pool.)
 
 86 PAN PIPES 
 
 VOICE 
 
 Wish then. Pan tasted it this morning. Wish. 
 Would you have no fear? Would you be of those 
 who never die? Wish once. It is granted. 
 
 CLARE 
 What what do you mean? 
 
 VOICE 
 
 The stone is my altar. It is long since mortal has 
 tasted the water fallen there. But Pan still lives. 
 While there is wind and sun Pan lives. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 It it was true then. This was a magic stone. 
 (She touches it bewilderedly.) 
 
 \ 1 
 
 VOICE 
 
 I drank from it kt dawn. The water that has 
 touched the lips of Pan is breath of life to a mortal. 
 Are you afraid? 
 
 1 CLARE 
 No somehow I am not afraid any longer. 
 
 1 VOICE 
 Wish then. Once. \ 
 
 PLARE 
 
 (Pushing "back her hair) 
 
 I I seem all bewildered. I have forgotten 
 things. It's so misty about and hot.
 
 PAN PIPES 87 
 
 VOICE 
 
 Wish to live forever in the gold of the hills. Wish 
 to fly along the crest of the wind, to learn the secrets 
 of the river, to sing with the leaves in the wood. 
 Wish. 
 
 (There is a sudden crackling in the bushes. 
 HARRY emerges, disheveled and panting ) 
 
 HARRY 
 
 I don't believe it. I don't believe that you've left 
 me. I wouldn't have done this to you, Clare. I 
 wouldn't. Won't you tell me where you are ? Clare ! 
 Clare! It's all some dreadful nightmare. (He 
 plunges over towards the tree.) Clare! Tell me. 
 I'm done up. I am. I feel you're all about, and yet 
 you're hid. It's horrible. (He sits down under the 
 tree.) Oh, Clare, what have I done to you? Have 
 you got up and left me for good? You're not in the 
 wood or anywhere! (He pulls himself together and 
 stretches himself out, his folded arms over his face.) 
 She'll come back. She must. I'll wait here for her. 
 I'll do it if I die for it. 
 
 CLARE 
 Harry! 
 
 (He does not move.) 
 
 CLARE 
 Harry! 
 
 HARRY 
 I never meant to do anything wrong.
 
 88 PAN PIPES 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Oh, I can't hurt you this way. It is horrible. Oh, 
 why can't you see me? Why can't you hear me? 
 You must! It is all a dream. Oh, I wish it were. 
 I wish it were a dream. I do! 
 
 (She leans back suddenly on the old stone. A 
 change comes over her face. She sinks down, 
 sleepily. HARRY stirs, turns over lazily, and 
 rises on one elbow.} 
 
 HARRY 
 
 (With a yawn, stretching his arms} 
 
 Ah-hum. (He sits up.} You still here, Clare? 
 I had a rummy dream. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (Rising from the stone, a little unsteadily} 
 I I think I've been asleep too. I must have been 
 with some sort of queer dream. I don't remember 
 just what. My foot's asleep. (She stamps it.} 
 
 HARRY 
 
 (Rising, and picking up his coat} 
 I dreamt something was chasin' me. I couldn't 
 seem to get away from it. We went around in circles 
 and the funny part of it was you was mixed up in it 
 somehow. Well, I guess that's a sign we'd better 
 chase along. Picnic must be most over. (He rubs 
 his head.} Queer. I dreamt I was chasin' you, too. 
 And you wasn't at the picnic or nowhere. Just 
 laughed at me. It was hot, too.
 
 PAN PIPES 89 
 
 CLARE 
 
 It is hot. I I don't think somehow it's as nice 
 here as when we first came. I don't guess I like the 
 country much after all. (She looks about.) It's sort 
 of queer and still and prickly. 
 
 HARRY 
 
 (Genially, putting his hat on at an angle} 
 What did I tell you? What about a good little 
 spin down the asphalt together and something ice cold 
 after a movie to-night when we get to town. Eh ? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 (With a sigh) 
 That sounds mighty good to me. 
 
 (He takes her arm. They move off slowly.) 
 
 HARRY 
 
 (Shaking out his coat, and readjusting it over his 
 arm) 
 
 I tell you what. Picnics is picnics and the coun 
 try's the country, even with free bare foot dancin' 
 thrown in but somehow it ain't exactly comfortable 
 if you ain't bred up on it. Now is it? 
 (They walk off behind the hill.) 
 
 The piping is heard again from the thicket. THE 
 NYMPH suddenly appears from the other side. She 
 dashes into the open, her hair flying out in the wind. 
 THE FAUN leaps after her They circle the open space 
 running madly and then plunge into the wood.
 
 go PAN PIPES 
 
 FOR OUTDOOR PRODUCTION OF 
 PAN-PIPES 
 
 Any woodland glade will do very prettily for the 
 play instead of the scene in the meadow given. It is 
 nice to have some undergrowth through which the 
 Faun can crash, and a little vista where the Nymph 
 runs off through the woods. The Voice of Pan, of 
 course comes from a person seated behind the big tree 
 that is essential for a center (This person can also 
 very easily act as prompter.) 
 
 FOR INDOOR PRODUCTION OF 
 PAN-PIPES 
 
 At the back, a misty green gauze drop with slim 
 high trunks of trees cut out in flat soft gray silhouettes 
 against it. On the sides huge dark trees, their 
 branches meeting overhead. All the trees can be made 
 flat colored, and silhouetted to the audience. The ef 
 fect is very eerie and striking. In the center, the high, 
 dark gnarled oak with the rough stone altar beneath. 
 The light is the flickering green and gold of sunlight 
 in the woods. 
 
 It is better not to try to make the scenery of this 
 play realistic or elaborate. It is an elfin play, and 
 much depends on the suggestion of the uncanny.
 
 FOUR OF A KIND 
 
 A PLAY FOR A BOAT
 
 FOUR OF A KIND 1 
 A PLAY FOR A BOAT 
 
 SCENE. The deck of a small sailing craft. 
 TIME. A South Sea afternoon. 
 
 CHARACTERS 
 
 JAKE. 
 
 CRAWLS. 
 
 SMIKE. 
 
 WANG-SING. 
 
 FATHER JEROLOMEN. 
 
 1 Copyright by Constance Wilcox.
 
 FOUR OF A KIND 
 
 ft jHE scene is the deck of a smallish sailing craft, 
 I the idle sails and rigging outlined against an 
 
 **~ Intense blue sky. JAKE and CRAWLS come out 
 of the cabin, and throw themselves d'own to play cards 
 in the shadow of the deck-house, JAKE is a burly 
 giant, his head tied with a red handkerchief, silver 
 rings in his ears, and his blue shirt rolled up over arms 
 as hard and brown as the ship mast. CRAWLS is a 
 little twisted creature in dingy black, with pasty face 
 and a nervous twitchy way. He props himself up 
 against the deck-house, with his thin legs out in front 
 of him, and holds his cards up close to his face. JAKE 
 is sprawled on the deck. There are counters a*nd 
 some small copper coins in front of them. In the dis 
 tance, FATHER JEROLOMEN promenades slowly along 
 the small space of deck in the vivid sunlight. His 
 head, in its black shovel hat is bent, and his hands 
 clasped behind him. He is very slight and stoop shoul 
 dered. He wears a black clerical robe. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Throwing down his cards) 
 
 Four Jacks. It's mine. (He pulls some of the 
 coins towards him.) 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 (As he throws down his cards, with a sniffle) 
 That's the third time I've lost running. And there's 
 93
 
 94 FOUR OF A KIND 
 
 only five of my bits left. (His voice is high and whin 
 ing.) 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Shuffling) 
 
 You don't play bold enough, Crawls. It's like 
 walkin' with a crab to throw with you. Step up. 
 Step up. (He deals.) 
 
 (FATHER JEROLOMEN comes around tire cabin 
 corner. He stops and looks at the players.) 
 
 FATHER JER. 
 I am grieved to see this, my friends. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Without looking up- fr'om his hand) 
 Ah there, Father Jerolomen, we was just takin' ad 
 vantage of the cabin shade, while Smike in there 
 (He jerks his thumb towards the open door of the 
 deck house) 's asleep. 'Ed 'ave us out 'e would 
 but you wouldn't spoil the rest of a cojuple o' hard 
 laborin' sea-men what's run your craft proper for you 
 these weeks. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 We has to do somethin' or we'd strangulate whistlin' 
 for the wind. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 'Onest and 'armless as doves we are. (His eye 
 strays to CRAWLS' hand that is creeping towards the 
 pack of cards.) None of that now, you sneak, or I'll 
 crack your neck.
 
 FOUR OF A KIND 95 
 
 FATHER JER. 
 (Shaking his head) 
 
 I don't like to see it. When the Hand of the 
 Lord has not seen fit to be with this voyage. When 
 we have been visited with disappointment. It doesn't 
 seem right for the three men who guide this boat to 
 spend their time dicing or in sodden sleep. There is 
 something ill-omened about it. (He moves on 
 slowly.) 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 (With a high snicker) 
 I've got 'em, I 'ave. (He rakes the coins in.) 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Throwing down his cards) 
 
 Ill-omened all right. What did we come for, I say? 
 What kind of a voyage is this that you get nothin' out 
 of? It's not like Smike to tote that fool priest home 
 after he found there wasn't no game attached. It's 
 humiliatin' and I don't like it. (He picks up his 
 cards.) Nice job for us what always made our bit 
 easy before and not waited for nothin'. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 (Pushing out his counters with a grin) 
 We wasn't goin' to wait for much if we'd found 
 anythin'. It'd been over the rail with 'im. (He 
 jerks his thumb towards the priest.) And quick. I'd 
 'a' like to seen it. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 But we didn't find nothin'. We've been had. 
 That's what. O' course there wasn't nothin' on that
 
 96 FOUR OF A KIND 
 
 balmy island but sand. Eight weeks sailin' for 
 sand! Give me two and no fingerin' 'em there. (He 
 holds out his hand for the cards. CRAWLS gives a 
 sort of giggle.} What are you grinnin' at? You're 
 always snickerin' over somethin' these days. I'd like 
 to snicker you for good. I would. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 (Cringing} 
 
 I was just sayin' wasn't it comical like to be had by 
 a priest for nothin' but our pay. When we 'ad such 
 nice plans and all us three, and was so careful 
 hidin' 'em. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 The old shovel has foxed us. That's what. Him 
 and his Sainted Island and 'is Sainted pearls what was 
 never there. 
 
 FATHER JER. 
 
 (Appearing again around the corner in his walk) 
 Ah, my friends (He lifts his head, and surveys 
 them gently.) I cannot bring myself to believe that. 
 It was the vision of those great drops of Saints' tears 
 that led me into these strange waters, to recover them 
 for the altar. It is I who am unworthy. They would 
 not reveal themselves to me. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 We'd 'a found 'em all right if they'd 'a been there. 
 There wasn't nothin' in that old heap o' stones but 
 sandbugs. And you can take that straight.
 
 FOUR OF A KIND 97 
 
 FATHER JER. 
 
 And this is the end emptiness. (He sits down 
 on an overturned bucket, his hands between his knees, 
 and looks before him dazedly.) For so long have I 
 dreamed of this voyage, of recovering those miracles 
 of Votive pearls from the ruins of that unhappy, 
 heathen desecrated monastery. Of putting my hand 
 under the very stone where the monks hid them before 
 the last horrible disaster. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 (Grinning to his cards} 
 The blacks slit up every one of 'em. 
 
 JAKE 
 What you ought to be. 
 
 FATHER JER. 
 
 (Oblivious) 
 
 And when I had found the courage. When I put 
 my very soul into the venture of this boat. Only 
 the hot cruel sea emptiness emptiness 
 and sand. (He buries his face in his hands.) 
 
 JAKE 
 
 ( Throwing down his cards) 
 
 No fault of ours the place was empty. We thought 
 you was tellin' the truth. But they was dreams 
 that's what they was. 
 
 FATHER JER. 
 
 (Rising, with a burst of passion) 
 Dreams! Dreams! Mockery! (He goes to the
 
 98 FOUR OF A KIND 
 
 railing and looks out over it.) And a burning, un 
 believing sky! 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 Dream on, old crow back. (FATHER JER. walks 
 slowly away.) 
 
 JAKE 
 
 You're just a little too cozy with yourself lately, 
 matey. It don't sit well on you. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 I ain't cozy. (Whining.) Ain't I fooled with the 
 rest? Didn't I hanker after them pearls soft 
 with fair divvies for the three of us, when what we 
 had was 'ard sailin' with a 'cap o' sand at the end? 
 Ain't I got as good a right to talk as you ? 
 
 JAKE 
 
 No, you ain't. (Laying his cards down, face up.) 
 What 'ave you got? 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 Four Aces. (He starts to draw the coins toward 
 him.) 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Rising suddenly and falling on CRAWLS) 
 And I saw you sit on two and take another out 'o 
 your coat. You pock-marked octopus. (He twists 
 himself over the prostrate and almost obliterated 
 CRAWLS and throws out some cards.) There they 
 fly. Now we'll see about you. I'm fair sick 'o you.
 
 FOUR OF A KIND 99 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 (In a faint scream) 
 Jake Jake - Don't ! Don't ! 
 
 JAKE 
 
 I'll learn you not to be a snickerin', sniveling smirkin' 
 hypocrite ! 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 It was only a friendly joke. I only meant it sporty! 
 Ooh! (He struggles.) 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Dragging the writhing CRAWLS towards the rail) 
 You know what I said last time you sneaked. You 
 
 can be as sporty as you like over the side. (He 
 
 hauls CRAWLS up on the rail.) 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 (Agonized and kicking) 
 No! No! I can't swim! I can't swim! 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Lifting him a little) 
 
 Let the sharks get indigestion of you then. I've 
 had it long enough. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 Wait! Wait! Don't! I'll tell you I'll tell 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Pinning him on the rail) 
 What'll you tell before you tell it to the sharks?
 
 ioo FOUR OF A KIND 
 
 CRAWLS 
 (Desperately) 
 There was pearls! 
 
 JAKE 
 What! 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 There was pearls. Father Jerolomen was right. 
 There was pearls in that old 'cap o' stones. And I 
 know where they are now. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Hauling CRAWLS, with a great heave, back to the 
 shadow of the cabin.) You do! Well, where are 
 they? 
 
 CRAWLS 
 I can't get 'em. I can't get 'em. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 I'll see you do. You'd thieve 'em from us. Would 
 you? 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 I didn't thieve 'em. I didn't thieve 'em. Smike 
 took 'em. 
 
 JAKE 
 Srnike! 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 Yes. He got 'em. He got 'em out o' those stones. 
 Gawd knows how he did it. But he kept 'em. You 
 know Smike. 
 
 JAKE 
 He's got 'em now?
 
 FOUR OF A KIND 101 
 
 CRAWLS 
 (Gulping) 
 
 Yes. I come on 'im one night. 'E thought we was 
 all on shore gettin' provisions. 'E was in the cabin, 
 and I crept up in behind from the other way 
 through the galley and saw 'im. He had 'em out 
 twistin' 'em in 'is 'ands. They was long and 
 glistenin' in a rope, big and white as agates, and 
 some of 'em shin ; n' pink in the light and some 
 greenish 
 
 FATHER JER. 
 
 (Coming around the corner of the cabin) 
 There is an odd sort of craft coming up to us on 
 this side, apparently from the town. There are 
 heathen marks on its sides. A big man with a yellow 
 umbrella directs it, and it seems to be rowed by yellow 
 men. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Releasing CRAWLS with a shove) 
 A Chinese trader. 
 
 FATHER JER. 
 
 They appear determined to board us. What shall 
 I say to them? 
 
 JAKE 
 Tell them to go to the devil. 
 
 FATHER JER. 
 What would they want with us?
 
 102 FOUR OF A KIND 
 
 JAKE 
 
 They'd cheat the fillin's out o' your teeth. 
 (FATHER JEROLOMEN hurries back.) 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Seizing CRAWLS) 
 Where are they now? 
 
 CRAWLS 
 (Whining) 
 
 Why should I have to tell you? I've been 
 a-watchin' and a-watchin' them pearls for two weeks 
 now. Ever since we left the island. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 And 'opin' to sneak off with 'em as soon as you 
 were clear of us. Eh? 
 
 CRAWLS 
 It ain't no more'n you'd do yourself. 
 
 JAKE 
 Well, it's my turn now. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 You'll divvy? 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Shaking him) 
 
 I'll do what I please. What about 'em now? 
 Quick. And if I don't find 'em I'll settle with you. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 They're all there. Every one. Great, round,
 
 FOUR OF A KIND 103 
 
 milky pearls. There must be five hundred of them. 
 Jake you'll let me 'ave some ? You will ? 
 
 JAKE 
 Where are they? 
 
 CRAWLS 
 In the old lantern. 
 
 JAKE 
 What! 
 
 (There appears at the back, a yellow unbrella 
 over the ship's rail. This is attached to a large 
 Chinaman in gorgeous robes, and a scarlet silk 
 cap with a purple button and tassel. He ad 
 vances majestically but softly along the little 
 deck space. When he comes just behind the 
 cabin corner he stops.) 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 He took and stuffed 'em in the bottom. He knew 
 we'd never look there, and there it's hung that old 
 lantern right in the cabin with forty thousand 
 pounds worth 'o white pearls in it. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 The sneakin' scorpion. And us with our bunks 
 forward. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 'E was goin' to wait, I know, until we was all off the 
 boat, and separated, and then 'e was goin' to be rich 
 rich and we'd never see 'im again. That's why
 
 104 FOUR OF A KIND 
 
 'e was takin' the priest back. He don't want no 
 scandal. And I was waitin*. I was just waitin' till 
 we touched the mainland to get ahead 'o 'im. The 
 big bully. I was goin' to slip it over on 'im. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 We'll do that all right. We'll get 'em now. 'E's 
 asleep, and we'll do what we likes with 'im. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 No No 'E'll hurt us! 
 
 JAKE 
 Come on you sniveler 
 
 (He starts towards the cabin door, pulling 
 CRAWLS by the arm. They run right into THE 
 CHINAMAN. He has been standing with a 
 rapt, patient expression. His face is smooth 
 and round and placid, with a little fixed smile. 
 Over one arm is slung an assortment of silks, 
 beads, little bags and small boxes on strings. 
 FATHER JEROLOMEN now appears, hovering 
 behind him.} 
 
 THE CHINAMAN 
 Pretty day. Me Wang-Sing. 
 
 JAKE 
 Get out of here you. 
 
 WANG-SING 
 
 Wang-Sing come out to ships in harbor. Me see 
 ship just outside harbor, waiting for wind. Me come
 
 FOUR OF A KIND 105 
 
 out here in boat. Say " how-do." Me show many 
 pretty things. (He untwists some of the silks on his 
 arm.) Silks, fans, beads, bracelets, incense 
 
 JAKE 
 Do we look as if we wanted that stuff? 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Placidly, arranging his wares, hanging the silks over 
 the top of the deck-house, and the beads on them.) 
 Me think you like look see. No b'long good joss 
 
 wait for wind outside harbor when no go to town. 
 
 Very fine bazaars in town. Wang-Sing have best of 
 
 all. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 (Disgustedly to FATHER JER.) 
 What did you let 'im on for? 
 
 WANG 
 Me come. 
 
 FATHER JER. 
 
 He seemed determined. (He inspects WANG- 
 SING.) A strange creature of great insistence. Not 
 without intelligence and perhaps open to conversion. 
 
 WANG 
 
 Very open. Mind very open. (He sits down 
 regally on the overturned keg. He holds his um 
 brella up with one hand, and gesticulates with the 
 other.) What say for fine striped silks, red, green, 
 purple painted with dragons for the coat? (He takes
 
 io6 FOUR OF A KIND 
 
 some vials out of his sash.) This small jar per 
 fume. This one opium. 
 
 JAKE 
 (Sullenly) 
 Go choke yourself on it. 
 
 FATHER JER. 
 Opium ! 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Smiling) 
 
 Very fine. Very good. Opium. Bring forget. 
 
 FATHER JER. 
 Wickedness ! Wickedness ! 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Rising politely) 
 
 You b'long priest? You no like opium? Very 
 good for priests m their cells. Give dreams. Some 
 times the priests from the white -house behind the town 
 send for things in the bazaar. Buy opium from Wang- 
 Sing. Very like you those priests. Same straight 
 black. 
 
 FATHER JER. 
 No! (He seizes the opium from WANG'S hand.) 
 
 WANG 
 
 Very wise men. Very tiresome always in cell. 
 Wang-Sing sell forget. 
 
 FATHER JER. 
 
 Horrible! (He throws the vial on the deck. It 
 breaks.)
 
 FOUR OF A KIND 107 
 
 JAKE 
 
 That's the way. Smash his goods for breakin' in on 
 our deck. Get out now. Don't you see the gent 
 don't like your ways? 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Mildly) 
 
 No offend. Only much waste. Too bad. Sorry. 
 (He fixes FATHER JEROLOMEN with his eye.) Opium 
 worth much gold. Very rare kind. Wang-Sing lose 
 money. Priest not do right by him. 
 
 FATHER JER. 
 (Unsteadily) 
 
 I I am sorry. I hardly know my own actions. 
 I have had a great sorrow, a terrific disappointment 
 a loss of all I hoped for. (He passes his hand over 
 his forehead.) You must excuse me. It is so hot 
 and strange here. 
 
 WANG 
 
 Sun go to your head maybe. Priest b'long in cell. 
 All cool there. 
 
 FATHER JER. 
 You say there is a Christian monastery here? 
 
 WANG 
 
 Oh yees. Clistian. Very big. White house in 
 desert. Priests like you come. Go in. Never come 
 out. Just behind town. On hill. You see maybe 
 from end of boat. Out in desert.
 
 io8 FOUR OF A KIND 
 
 FATHER JER. 
 Quiet. Out in the desert. A heavenly quiet. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 Why don't you skip there then ? We .won't cry 
 over your goin'. 
 
 JAKE 
 Straight. We wouldn't. 
 
 WANG 
 
 More better than too much noise for priests. Not 
 get excited. No break good merchants bottles. Lose 
 much money. Very much cheat. 
 
 FATHER JER. 
 
 Don't speak that word to me. (He feels in his 
 sash and takes out a gold piece.) These seas and is 
 lands are a corruption and a sore on the world. I 
 sicken of them. Blistering, sweltering, thieving, 
 heathenish! The sand burns my eyes and the pitiless 
 sky scorches my soul. It would be the penance of 
 Hell to stay here. (He gives WANG the gold. 
 WANG takes it with a deep bow-, and bites it as he 
 bends.) 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Quickly, as FATHER JER. turns from him) 
 You take another? Just a little one for present? 
 Cumsha? Good-feeling from Wang-Sing to for 
 get? (He holds out a little vial.) 
 
 FATHER JER. 
 
 You fill me with horror. (He goes quickly behind 
 the cabin.)
 
 FOUR OF A KIND 109 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Looking after him} 
 
 Him very upset. Master of ship muc'h disturb. 
 Why he come if find it like he say? Queer. Explain. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Nervously, fingering the silk} 
 Oh He's soft in the head. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 It's only his loony way. (He quickly picks up a 
 string of beads.} How much you sell? 
 
 WANG 
 
 All good jade. Me sell twelve pieces. Very fine 
 bargain. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 
 
 You fat old pirate! (He flings down the beads.} 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Fingering his stock} 
 
 Or you like fans? Very fine. Six pieces. All 
 painted ivory. Very cheap. Nice carved moonstones 
 rings jade frogs Anything but pearls. Very 
 sorry. No pearls. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 (Throwing himself on the silks and gathering them 
 
 all up in a heap} 
 
 You take your rubbish. We don't want any of 
 it. 
 
 JAKE 
 Yes. Skip. Quick,
 
 no FOUR OF A KIND 
 
 WANG 
 Me no go. 
 
 JAKE 
 We'll see to that. 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Gently) 
 
 Me no want fuss. Call police. Very tiresome. 
 Me only say no go until something sell. Bad joss. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Plunging his hand into his pocket) 
 You clear out if we buy something? 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Bowing} 
 
 Sure. No fuss. No row. Just buy some little 
 thing. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 Give me that wooden box. Here's three coppers. 
 (He throws them down on the deck-house.) 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Quickly taking up the box) 
 Me have different price. 
 
 JAKE 
 Not another grain. 
 
 WANG 
 
 No, different. Little box very small. Just give as 
 present for something else. Exchange. Remem 
 ber ship by, no go unless exchange.
 
 FOUR OF A KIND in 
 
 CRAWLS 
 Give 'im the yard arm. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Gathering up the pennies} 
 What^d'ye want? 
 
 WANG 
 
 Old lantern. Hang in cabin. 
 
 JAKE 
 What! 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 (In a thin scream) 
 Aah! 
 
 WANG 
 
 Me like that. You have box. Me lantern. (He 
 pushes the box, smiling, across the cabin top.) 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Making a dive for the door) 
 I'll get it for you. 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Blocking him) 
 
 No. Me get lantern. Wang-Sing take lantern 
 only as is. No take anything out. No change. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 You sneakin', spyin' thief! 
 
 JAKE 
 You'd listen. Would you ? I'll crop your ears for
 
 ii2 FOUR OF A KIND 
 
 ye. (He lunges toward WANG who steps back and 
 claps his hands sharply.) 
 
 WANG 
 
 Observe behind you. ( The heads of three grin 
 ning Chinamen appear over the rail. They have bare 
 muscular arms, and knives in their hands.) My boat 
 men wait for me. Very active men. No good 
 argue with Wang-Sing. Not healthy. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Dropping his hold of WANG) 
 You yellow buzzard! 
 
 WANG 
 
 (He claps his hands and nods at the men. They 
 
 disappear) 
 Very good. Now we talk. 
 
 JAKE 
 What do you want? 
 
 WANG 
 The lantern. 
 
 JAKE 
 I'll see you throttled with your own fan cord first. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 And I'll help. 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Imperturbably, fanning himself) 
 No good. Bad to have fuss. Noise. Quarrel.
 
 FOUR OF A KIND 113 
 
 Murder maybe. No. No. Bring police. They no 
 care for men who steal pearls. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 (In a wail) 
 But they're ours ours. 
 
 WANG 
 
 Wang-Sing no fool. 
 
 JAKE 
 What do you know about 'em ? 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Still fanning) 
 
 Wang-Sing know pearls belong priest. He look 
 for pearls some weeks ago in stones of old church. 
 No find. Ver' too bad. Wang-Sing hear many ways 
 in bazaar. Alia same pearls b'long priest. Police 
 come. He get them back. No one else get them. 
 Maybe you go jail. 
 
 JAKE 
 I'll give you a third of 'em. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 That's shares and everybody even. 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Advancing slowly towards the cabin door) 
 I give you each one two maybe. Keep quiet. 
 Otherwise call oolice.
 
 ii 4 FOUR OF A KIND 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Agonized} 
 
 Oh you made me tell you, Jake. You made me 
 tell and look wot it's come to now ! 
 
 (As WANG sets foot on the threshold a loud 
 whistling is heard from the darkness of the 
 cabin within. WANG recoils.) 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 It's Smike. 'E's awake. Now we're done, for 
 fair. 
 
 JAKE 
 I 'ope 'e breaks 'is neck. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 (Cringing) 
 Who's neck? 
 
 (SMIKE appears slouching in the doorway. He 
 is a tall, sallow man, in torn and dirty white 
 trousers and shirt. A wide shade hat is pulled 
 down over his forehead, shading restless black 
 eyes, and a long thin nose. He carries himself 
 with a swagger, and rests one hand on a pistol 
 in his dirty red sash.) 
 
 SMIKE 
 (With a shove of his hand that sends WANG back 
 
 a pace) 
 
 What were you doing coming into my cabin? 
 (From his voice he is just a little intoxicated, and 
 still sleepy.) Come on what were you doing?
 
 FOUR OF A KIND 115 
 
 WANG 
 
 Many apologies. Much sorry intrude. Just make 
 friendly call. Me Wang-Sing. Good merchant. Me 
 just step inside cabin. See if need new silk for cush 
 ions maybe. Have got fine cheap silk. 
 
 SMIKE 
 
 I guess I can worry along a while longer without 
 any of your silk in my cabin. And I'd just as soon 
 shoot any yellow head on sight that comes in without 
 an invitation. Or any one else, either. Just hold on 
 to that. Keep out of my cabin. (He swings up onto 
 the deck-house top, and sits, dangling his legs over the 
 open cabin door.) 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Bowing) 
 
 Wang-Sing hear much of Mr. Captain Smike. 
 Him very good shot. Him much respect. His 
 boat, too. 
 
 JAKE 
 Us three's solid. You can drink that straight. 
 
 SMIKE 
 What's up? 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 (Cringing and fingering the silks) 
 
 'E was cheatin' us, 'e was. The old yellow bull 
 
 frog 'ead. 'E was bullyin' us with 'is pirates in 'is 
 
 boat alongside there. We as 'as lost so much and 
 
 ain't got nothin'. We 'as 'ad a 'ard disappointment.
 
 ii6 FOUR OF A KIND 
 
 WANG 
 Me poor man, too. Very poor. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 Yes. We've enough to swallow without 'im addin' 
 to it. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 We as is so 'ard up. 
 
 SMIKE 
 You don't seem able to talk of much else. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 It's an absorbin' subject. 
 
 SMIKE 
 (To WANG) 
 What did you come here for? 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Sitting himself on an overturned bucket) 
 Me come on business. 
 
 SMIKE 
 Just what business? 
 
 JAKE 
 'Old 'ard there now. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 (Shaking) 
 
 Yes. You be careful how you talk; we don't know 
 nothin' about it, remember.
 
 FOUR OF A KIND 117 
 
 JAKE 
 And it's rotten business whatever it is. 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Gently) 
 
 Me come on good business. Very good. About 
 pearls. 
 
 SMIKE 
 
 (Softly, fondling his revolver) 
 Pearls? What pearls? 
 
 CRAWLS 
 Don't you listen to 'im. 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Calmly) 
 
 Me not know yet. Wang-Sing come 'board. Hear 
 much about pearls. Long string. Very fine. These 
 gentlemen want to get rid. Wang-Sing buy may-be. 
 
 SMIKE 
 (Shifting his gaze and his revolver to JAKE and 
 
 CRAWLS) 
 
 Very interesting story. Very. Which one of you 
 thought of this first? 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 Oh, 'e come on us. I swear 'e did. The old fox 
 foot crep' up on us from behind while we was talkin'. 
 We never meant to slip nothin' over on you. Like 
 you was doin' on us. We just happened to find 'em 
 natural and we was talkin'
 
 ii8 FOUR OF A KIND 
 
 SMIKE 
 (Slipping down from the deck house and advancing 
 
 on him} 
 
 Well, you sneak, Crawls. You won't talk much 
 longer. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Vindictively) 
 
 Yes. 'E was the one as found out where you 'id 
 'em. And 'e was goin' to sneak 'em out on you, 'e 
 was. Ask 'im what 'e's been plannin' to do these 
 weeks. I was the one as just found it out. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 Ask 'im what 'e was goin' to do when 'e made me 
 tell 'im. Take every one of 'em 'imself, 'e was. 
 
 SMIKE 
 
 (Still advancing) 
 
 I'll settle with him later. (His voice is very 
 smooth.) You was the first to find 'em. Was you ? 
 
 CRAWLS 
 (Screaming) 
 
 Don't you do nothin' to me. Don't! don't! If 
 you do 'e'll 'ave the 'Arbor Police on you. And you'll 
 jail for it! Don't you see 'e will? Don't you see? 
 
 WANG 
 
 Police come. Very tiresome. No can do good 
 business. No can do anything. Better fix up pearls. 
 Us four. All quiet.
 
 FOUR OF A KIND 119 
 
 SMIKE 
 
 (Leaning against the deck house} 
 That's the trick. Is it? You three lyin', thievin', 
 piclcin' carrion! 
 
 JAKE 
 
 And what was you plannin' to do to us two? 
 Sneak off with 'em all to yourself. Keep 'em. Them 
 was your plans. 
 
 SMIKE 
 
 And there's nothin' between me and them but 
 you three. (He fingers his revolver.) 
 
 CRAWLS 
 (Terrified) 
 
 You can't! You can't! 'E's got a boat full o' 
 Chinamen over the side, and it'll 'ave all of us. 
 
 JAKE 
 
 Them pearls is ours, too or I split about them 
 wherever I am. 
 
 WANG 
 
 Pearls no b'long any one here. Pearls b'long 
 priest. Alia same very good pearls. Priest no know 
 how use them. Better not waste pearls. 
 
 SMIKE 
 I'm sick. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 You would hide 'em from us. You would keep 'em. 
 And now it's four instead of three. You can't say as 
 how you didn't start it.
 
 120 FOUR OF A KIND 
 
 WANG 
 
 All fine. Divide pearls in four equals. One share 
 each of us four. Very good business. All square. 
 
 JAKE 
 And no slippery footin' it by any of us this time. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 Us four equals. 
 
 SMIKE 
 
 I'll see it's equals. Crawls, step in there and bring 
 out the lantern. I'll watch these two. No more 
 talkin' goes on here without my hearin' it and no 
 one gets in the close cabin. And if you're more than 
 four seconds haulin' that lantern out, Crawls, you're 
 dead. And there'll be no tellin' the police. Eh? 
 
 JAKE 
 
 That's straight. 
 
 (CRAWLS dives into the cabin, and instantly 
 there is a shriek of horror from him. JAKE and 
 SMIKE spring to the door. WANG starts up.} 
 
 SMIKE 
 
 (Leaning over the threshold) 
 What's that? What's that? Crawls! 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 (Within, in sobbing gasps) 
 
 It ain't! It ain't! No! No! I never did 
 nothin' to it!
 
 FOUR OF A KIND 121 
 
 SMIKE 
 (Reaching in and catching hold of CRAWLS, who is 
 
 writhing on the floor) 
 What are you slobbering about? 
 
 CRAWLS 
 The lantern! The lantern! It ain't there! 
 
 SMIKE 
 
 What! (He brings out CRAWLS with a jerk, and 
 throws him on the deck.) 
 
 JAKE 
 
 What! (He dashes into the cabin. He reappears 
 in the door.) It's gone. Clean gone. 
 
 . SMIKE 
 Gone! It was there all right. Crawls 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 (Struggling up from the deck) 
 Look-a-here. Look-a-here. This paper. It was 
 'anging on the 'ook of the lamp and I took it. (He 
 brings up a piece of paper.) It says the priest's took 
 it. 'E's took it and gone! 
 
 SMIKE 
 What's that? 
 
 WANG 
 
 Tell quick. Or I call men. Big fight.
 
 122 FOUR OF A KIND 
 
 i 
 CRAWLS 
 
 (Reading) 
 
 'E's took 'em. Your men and the boat, too. 'E's 
 paid 'em to take 'im ashore. 'E's sneaked off with 
 the boat. (Sobbing.} 'E says 'e'll send it back when 
 'e's safe in the monastery. 'Im and the pearls. 
 
 WANG 
 
 What's that? Pearls gone? 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 (Reading agonizedly) 
 
 'E says 'e 'card us. (In a rising wail.) And 'e 
 was 'orrified and upset. 
 
 JAKE 
 The black 'opping 'ypocritical crow! 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 'E says the boat was sent from 'eaven to 'elp 'im 
 escape. And 'e 'opes we'll reform! 
 
 JAKE 
 
 'E done us. I knew 'e would. 'E and 'is sneakin', 
 listenin' ways. 'E was always creeping up on us. 
 Listenin'. We might 'a known. There's no privacy 
 on this boat. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 They're gone! They're gone! (Sobbing.) 'E 
 sneaked in from the back, the galley way, while we was 
 talkin'
 
 FOUR OF A KIND 123 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Wrenching his arm} 
 Yes, the same as you sneaked in and saw 'em. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 (Giving way hopelessly) 
 
 The same! The same! Only 'e's got 'em! For 
 good! 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Striding about frenziedly) 
 
 No boat. No boat. No catch him. What can 
 do? Nothing. 
 
 CRAWLS 
 Not even our pay left! 'E says we're thieves! 
 
 SMIKE 
 
 (Falling on CRAWLS) 
 You'll pay for this. You sneak. 
 (See Note, page 124.) * 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 (Struggling violently) 
 
 Who was it started it all ? Who stole 'em to begin 
 with? You! You thievin' vulture! 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Falling on WANG) 
 It's you kept us from gettin' at 'em. You pirate ! 
 
 WANG 
 
 (Falling on SMIKE) 
 
 Wang-Sing mad. Wang-Sing furious. Cheated! 
 Cheated ! Cheated !
 
 124 FOUR OF A KIND 
 
 (They all struggle, shouting on the deck and 
 disappear into the cabin, still struggling. 
 
 * NOTE. 
 
 (If the struggle ending is found difficult and cumber 
 some on a small indoor stage this is an alternative.) 
 
 SMIKE 
 
 You'll pay for this. You sneak. 
 (He seizes CRAWLS and drags him, screaming and 
 struggling towards the boat's side.) 
 
 CRAWLS 
 
 (Resisting violently) 
 
 Who was it started it all? Who stole 'em to begin 
 with? You! You thievin' vulture! 
 
 (They disappear, fighting, behind the sail.) 
 
 JAKE 
 
 (Making for WANG) 
 It's you kept us from gettin' at 'em. You pirate! 
 
 WANG 
 
 Wang Sing mad. Wang Sing furious. 
 
 (As JAKE approaches, he gathers up his skirts, and 
 
 swiftly ducks behind the cabin.} 
 Get police. Remember. Get police. Cheated. 
 Cheated. Cheated. 
 
 (SMIKE suddenly appears from behind the sail, 
 without CRAWLS. JAKE draws a pistol and 
 covers him. SMIKE pulls his pistol at the same 
 time. They stand there measuring each other,
 
 FOUR OF A KIND 125 
 
 the round, yellow face of WANG watching from 
 around the cabin corner. The curtain falls 
 slowly. After it has completely dropped, there 
 is one pistol shot.) 
 
 FOR OUTDOOR PRODUCTION OF FOUR 
 OF A KIND 
 
 The deck of a houseboat can be easily used for this 
 play if there is room for an audience. The action 
 of the play takes place in a very small space. A por 
 tion of the deck ten feet by six should be sufficient. 
 Father Jerolomen in his promenade, could even walk 
 back through the audience, and come back again for 
 his cue. A small rowboat with the Chinaman and 
 his crew can be moored close to the side of the boat, 
 in such a way that the audience does not see it. The 
 Chinaman simply appears over the side of the boat 
 at his cue.
 
 126 FOUR OF A KIND 
 
 If the boat used is a sailboat, the action can take 
 place on the deck, the audience being seated in the 
 cockpit and in small rowboats about. Or the audi 
 ence may be on a wharf, and the play take place on 
 a small sized sailboat moored close to the wharf. 
 In this case, the sail should be up, hiding the small 
 boat with the Chinamen. 
 
 FOR INDOOR PRODUCTION 
 
 This play could be very simply given on any im 
 provised stage. Almost no scenery is necessary. A 
 bright blue backdrop for the sky a corner of sail 
 drawn across it, below it the deck rail rising about three 
 feet above the deck, a few coiled ropes, and an over 
 turned bucket. At one side, the suggestion of a low 
 roofed cabin, with a door. The curtain rises on Jake 
 and Crawls playing cards on the deck, and falls on 
 the confusion of the general fight. The lighting 
 should be very bright, making sharp black shadows, 
 and vivid yellow spaces of sunlight.
 
 THE PRINCESS IN 
 THE FAIRY TALE
 
 THE PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 A GARDEN FAIRY STORY FOR CHILDREN 
 
 SCENE. A garden in a fairy tale. 
 TIME. A summer afternoon. 
 
 CHARACTERS 
 
 THE PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE. 
 
 THE OLD NURSE. 
 
 THE DRAGON. 
 
 THE PRINCE IN THE FAIRY TALE. 
 
 BILLY TRAVERS. 
 
 THE KING IN THE FAIRY TALE. 
 
 THE QUEEN IN THE FAIRY TALE. 
 
 THE Six LITTLE PRINCESSES. 
 
 THE Two HERALDS. 
 
 1 Copyright, 1919, by Constance Wilcox.
 
 THE PRINCESS IN THE 
 FAIRY TALE 
 
 (NOTE) 
 
 f j jHIS setting is purely fantastic, and meant to 
 I be achieved by an indoor production. The 
 ^ suggestions for outdoor production are at the 
 end of the play. 
 
 The scene is a garden. Four tall dark cedan 
 guard it at the back, and behind their high silhouettes 
 is a vague woodland, with slim tree trunks gray against 
 a twilight mist, filled with an eerie, dim, mauve light. 
 In the foreground, a round fountain, with one bright 
 jet of water springing up from its clear pool. THE 
 DRAGON lies by the fountain, his silver scales gleaming 
 softly. As he lies, his horned head, with its scales and 
 alligator jaw, rests peacefully on his outstretched front 
 claws. His eyes are closed, and he is breathing gently, 
 a little blue smoke coming from his wide nostrils. 
 The little PRINCESS is seated on a low stool by the 
 fountain, sewing. She is dressed in a very short white 
 ruffled pinafore, with a crown embroidered in one 
 corner, and her plump little legs in their white socks 
 and black strap slippers are crossed primly before her. 
 She has a quantity of beautiful fair hair hanging like 
 spun silk, loose over her shoulders, and she wears a 
 129
 
 i 3 o PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 very small high pointed gold crown. Her round pink 
 and white face is all screwed up in her attempts at 
 sewing as she jabs in and out of her embroidery. 
 
 THE OLD NURSE sits on a stool a little behind, at 
 the right of the PRINCESS. She is very fat, and dressed 
 in voluminous leaf brown, with a wide frilly cap fram 
 ing her wrinkled face, topped by a pointed black witch 
 hat. 
 
 The light in the garden is clear, and yet very soft, 
 with an odd bluish tinge, like the edge of twilight. 
 The sky above the dark cedars is a deep twilight blue. 
 
 THE NURSE 
 
 (In a droning voice, as her head nods back and forth 
 on her ample chest} 
 
 " A moonbeam floateth from the skies 
 
 Whispering ' Heighho, my dearie; (She sighs sleep> 
 
 ily} 
 
 I would spin a web before your eyes 
 A beautiful web of silver light, 
 Wherein is many a wondrous sight 
 Of a radiant garden leagues away 
 Where the softly tinkling lilies sway 
 . . . Heighho, my dearie! ' 
 
 EUGENE FIELD. 
 
 ( With a deep sigh, her voice trails away and she sleeps. 
 THE DRAGON joins her with a gentle snore.} 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (With a sudden vicious jab of the needle} 
 Ouch! (She puts her finger in her mouth.}
 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 131 
 
 NURSE 
 (Waking with a start, and rushing to the PRINCESS 
 
 shaking her by the shoulder} 
 
 Drat the child! Take your thumb out of your 
 mouth! (She fishes a handkerchief out of the PRIN 
 CESS' pinafore pocket.) And let three drops fall on 
 your handkerchief at once! What sort of a Fairy 
 Tale Princess are you to let an opportunity like 
 that go to waste. Oh, dear, Oh, dear! (She tries to 
 squeeze the PRINCESS' finger over the handkerchief.) 
 
 PRINCESS 
 (Jerking her hand away, and sticking her thumb in 
 
 her mouth again) 
 
 I will put my thumb in my mouth. I will. I will. 
 (She beats a tattoo on the stool with her heels.) I 
 won't put three drops on my handkerchief to make 
 another old fairy tale so it can be lost, and the 
 Dragon eat it, or the pixies steal it, or the Prince find 
 it. Of course he would find it and come flourishing 
 back with the silly thing to me. They always end the 
 same way. I'm tired of 'em. I am. I am! I'm 
 sick of being the Princess in the Fairy Tale! Yah! 
 
 NURSE 
 
 You can't help that, my dearie, because that's what 
 you are, and that's what you must be until the Fairy 
 Lands fall into dust. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 They're all asleep now. I'm going to run away. 
 (She jumps up, and puts her embroidery on the stool.)
 
 132 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 NURSE 
 
 You can't do that, my dearie, because it's all a 
 dream, and you are part of it. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Stamping her foot) 
 Then I will wake it up ! 
 
 NURSE 
 
 (With a little chuckle) 
 
 You are part of the Fairy Tale even when you 
 lose your temper. The Princess in the Fairy Tale 
 can frequently do that. ( The PRINCESS swiftly runs 
 out her tongue.) But they never stick out their 
 tongue. No. No. Naughty. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Jumping up and down) 
 
 I will be naughty! My foot's asleep. And I'm 
 tired of being the sweet little Princess with golden 
 hair, who waits around and waits around, and never 
 does anything interesting, but sits in a tower window 
 or under a tree with a dragon, and is rescued each 
 evening by the same little sissy Prince ! 
 
 NURSE 
 
 That's what makes the Fairy Tales. We each have 
 our part to play. (She tries to straighten the PRIN 
 CESS' pinafore.) Now you mustn't get your clean 
 pinafore all mussed, and your hair tumbled. It's al 
 most time for the afternoon Story of the Dragon. I 
 heard the owl hoot the first three times in the wood.
 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 133 
 
 That means the Prince has started on his journey. 
 He'll be here soon. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Jerking away as the NURSE tries to arrange her hair) 
 I don't want him to come. I don't want my hair 
 smoothed. It's always being brushed, and fussed with, 
 and last time the little silly tried to climb to the tower 
 window on it he pulled dreadfully! 
 
 NURSE 
 (Soothingly) 
 
 But think how nice to be rescued from the dragon, 
 and have all the trumpets blow, and the King and 
 Queen come into the garden and order the cannon 
 shot off, and the banquet and the march of triumph 
 around the dreadful dragon. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 He isn't a bit dreadful. He just sleeps and never 
 even looks at me. He isn't half the nuisance the 
 Prince is. I wish he would beat the Prince up for 
 once. 
 
 NURSE 
 
 Oh, no, no. That wouldn't be according to law. 
 And then think of all the festivity when he is van 
 quished ! 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 I don't think it's fun. And they never let me sit 
 up for the banquet and I hate walking in a silly 
 procession and trying to keep off the long trains. And 
 I want my tea!
 
 134 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 NURSE 
 
 There. There. Sit down and finish the nice cob 
 web embroidery you are working for the Queen's birth 
 day. It will never be done. You can leave a space 
 for the evil Fairy to finish one corner. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 (Sitting sulkily} 
 Can't I ever have any fun? I want my tea. 
 
 NURSE 
 
 Just you be good, my dearie, and I will get you the 
 tea. You shall have it right after the story with the 
 Dragon. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 With strawberries? 
 
 NURSE 
 
 With strawberries and sugar comfits. I'll go see 
 to them now. Be good. (She puts the PRINCESS' 
 crown into place.} Just think of the dragon. He 
 never gets any tea. 
 
 (She goes out, briskly at the left, vanishing 
 behind the trees. The PRINCESS sews for a 
 moment, then stops, looks over her shoulder to 
 make sure the NURSE has gone, slips from her 
 seat, and tiptoes to THE DRAGON, who is still 
 snoring very softly.} 
 
 PRINCESS 
 (In a whisper} 
 
 Dragon! (A little louder, and moving nearer.} 
 Dragon !
 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 135 
 
 (THE DRAGON stirs uneasily, and breathes an 
 especially deep snore. The PRINCESS gets 
 down softly on her knees, picks a long blade 
 of grass, and tickles THE DRAGON'S nose 
 with it.) 
 
 PRINCESS 
 Dragon! (She tickles his nose.) 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 (Moving a little) 
 Ur-umph! (He puffs out a lot of blue smoke.) 
 
 PRINCESS 
 There's a dear! (She tickles one ear.) 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 (In a very deep grumbly, sleepy voice) 
 Ur-umph. What d'y want? 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Sitting back on her heels) 
 Wake up, Dragon. 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 (Turning a little and opening one eye) 
 What for? 'Tisn't time yet. You can't fool me. 
 I know it like a book. What y' disturbing me for? 
 (He closes his eye again.) 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 I want to talk to you! (She leans forward and 
 tickles his ear.)
 
 136 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 Talk then. But don't whisk that thing about me! 
 (He shakes his head peevishly, and opens his eyes.) 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Getting down close to him in a whisper) 
 Dragon. Eat him! 
 
 DRAGON 
 (With a prodigious yawn, showing his huge Crocodile 
 
 mouth and teeth) 
 Eat who? 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Clapping her hands) 
 
 That's it! You have such a beautiful, big, red 
 mouth and such long teeth. Eat him for me, Dragon. 
 Eat him! 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 (Rolling his eyes at her reproachfully) 
 I'm not a cannibal. I eat grasshoppers only, and 
 precious few and stringy they are since the fairies 
 have such a fad for riding them. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 Then scare him, Dragon. Open your mouth and 
 bellow, and frighten him, so he'll run and never come 
 back. 
 
 DRAGON 
 Who? 
 
 PRINCESS 
 The Prince.
 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 137 
 
 DRAGON 
 I couldn't do it. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 Oh, yes, you could. You have no idea how soft he 
 is, and little and fat. And easily scared! 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 But that sharp bright sword of his! He flicks it in 
 front of me. And my eyes are weak. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 That's all he does. He doesn't know how to use it. 
 And he's so used to your just lying down and letting 
 him walk on you, that he'd never stop running if you 
 just once turned on him and snapped. Oh, do, there's 
 a darling, Dragon. Then he wouldn't bother me any 
 more. And he is such a tiresome little boy. 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 (Reflectively, blinking his eyes) 
 I don't see why I should. I don't see what I get 
 out of this. (He grumbles deeply.) For that mat 
 ter what do I ever get out of anything, but a few 
 hours' sleep and that disturbed 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 I am so sorry. But it is so important. As a fa 
 vor 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 I don't see that it is important. Here I am very 
 comfortable. What's the use of stirring everything
 
 138 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 up, and goodness knows what might happen? How 
 do I know but he might accidentally jab that sword 
 in my eye? And I'm not as spry as I used to be. He 
 might beat me anyway. And think of the humiliation 
 of that! 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 He wouldn't. He's the scaredest little thing, 
 really ! 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 Even at that, where do I come in? Nobody ever 
 pays any attention to me anyway, and if the Prince 
 went away I would lose my job. I can hardly feed 
 myself as it is. And no one ever invites me to tea. 
 (Ruminatively.) And I have always loved candies. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 I will. I will give you half my tea. It's to be a 
 lovely one. With strawberries and sugar and 
 
 DRAGON 
 Candies? 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 Comfits. Pink ones. Just chase the Prince a little 
 way, Dragon, dear, and you can have all the comfits ! 
 except one. 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 How could I get at the Prince? They'd never let 
 me do it here. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Eagerly clasping her hands} 
 You could go to meet him. In the wood. And
 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 139 
 
 then he would be surprised. He wouldn't have a 
 chance. And run! (She laughs.} Just one beauti 
 ful blue snort from you and my he would run ! 
 I should love to see it. Come. Quick. (She tugs 
 at THE DRAGON'S claw, and he slowly lifts himself.} 
 
 DRAGON 
 I am to have all the comfits. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 How greedy. But never mind. Just one switch of 
 your tail and a good roar as if you meant it, and 
 don't forget to open your beautiful red mouth. (She 
 drags him towards the wood.} 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 You say he is very gentle ? He always looked quite 
 vicious to me with that long sword. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 He's really very little and fat. 
 
 DRAGON 
 (Doubtfully} 
 
 Well, I hope so. As a matter of fact I never have 
 got a good look at him for all we meet every day. 
 You see there is so much blue smoke to breathe out, that 
 it fogs up the atmosphere, and then he flashes his 
 sword, and, as I said, my eyes are a little weak. I 
 always close them just as soon as I'm conquered so I can 
 sleep as much as possible.
 
 HO PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 PRINCESS 
 (Impatiently} 
 
 Yes. Yes. But hurry. You will meet him at the 
 edge of the wood. He must be almost there now. 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 (Rolling his eyes} 
 
 But how do I know after all I won't mistake him? 
 He's always wearing some new costume, and I'd hate 
 to stir up any of those spiteful tempered little pixies. 
 They'd prick me all over with thistles. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 The pixies never come out till the moon is up. 
 And the Prince is the only one who ever comes through 
 the fairyland wood. He'll be a little boy without any 
 horns on his head like the pixies, and he'll come along 
 the highroad between Fairyland and the Outside, and 
 turn into the wood. And then, one big snap and a 
 growl and blue fire, and you can come down for tea 
 with me. And nobody will disturb us. 
 
 DRAGON 
 Little and fat. You're quite sure he'll run? 
 
 PRINCESS 
 Oh, quite. 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 Gr-umph. (He puffs out blue smoke.} This is 
 quite an adventure. I feel almost young again. 
 Gr-umph! (He turns into the wood.}
 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 141 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Dancing up and down) 
 Isn't it fun! Good-by, Dragon, dear. 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 (Turning to look back) 
 
 All the comfits, mind. Don't you eat any before 
 I come. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 Good-by. Good-by. (She waves, as THE DRAGON 
 slowly crawls through the wood. His silver scales 
 gleam for a moment among the trees and then vanish 
 in the mists.) 
 
 (There sound three hoots of an owl. The 
 PRINCESS turns with a jump, and looks about 
 anxiously.) 
 
 PRINCESS 
 It isn't time yet, I'm sure. Oh, I hope he isn't too 
 
 late. He's such a ponderous old thing! (She looks 
 
 into the wood after THE DRAGON.) 
 
 (The PRINCE in the Fairy Tale enters sud 
 denly from the right, emerging from the bushes. 
 He is a plump little boy in a purple Fauntleroy 
 suit with a deep lace collar, and a golden sash. 
 He wears a little soft velvet cap with a long 
 white feather, and his hair falls to his shoulders 
 in neat yellow curls. He is very pretty, with 
 a dimpled chin, and carries himself with a 
 little swagger, pointing out his buckled slippers 
 as he walks, A jaunty short velvet cap swings
 
 i 4 2 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 from his shoulders, and in one hand he carries 
 a very long unsheathed rapier.} 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Seeing him, with a little cry) 
 
 Oh now you've spoiled everything! (She ad 
 vances on him.) How did you get here and it's 
 long before the time! 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 (With a low bow and a sweep of his cap} 
 Charming Princess. Behold, the Prince is here. 
 (He has some difficulty managing both the very long 
 sword and the cap.) 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Plumping down on her little stool) 
 I could just cry with vexation! (The PRINCE puts 
 on his cap and takes an airy step, flourishing the 
 sword.) Well how did you do it? Sneak up on 
 me like that. You're always doing something silly. 
 
 PRINCE 
 (Loftily) 
 
 My Fairy Godmother met me, if you must know, 
 and brought me here in her private chariot. It was 
 very nice of her to save me all that walk through the 
 wood and the briars. I would have been a little 
 late otherwise. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Flouncing off the stool) 
 Yes. Prinker. You like to have your hair
 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 143 
 
 curled. I bet you were trying on lace collars to 
 see which was the most becoming! 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 (Touching his collar) 
 
 This is a new one. For my birthday. (He flicks 
 his sword.) And this, too. (He tries a fencing at 
 titude.} 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 Oh do stop that. I know you can't use it. It's 
 ridiculous and as long as you are. 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 I certainly can. (He looks around.) Why, 
 where's the Dragon? 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Clasping her hands and taken aback) 
 Oh, dear. You have upset things! 
 
 PRINCE 
 But where is he? 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Recovering herself) 
 
 Why should I know? (She retires and stands 
 aloofly looking into the wood.) Your business is to 
 rescue me from him. 
 
 PRINCE 
 But what will I do if he isn't here?
 
 i 4 4 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 PRINCESS 
 (Scornfully) 
 You never have any ideas. 
 
 (There comes a sudden bellowing from the 
 wood.} 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 (Jumping back a foot} 
 What's that! 
 
 PRINCESS 
 Oh, what can have happened to the Dragon! 
 
 (The bellowing becomes louder, and is min 
 gled with a crashing of a heavy body approach 
 ing rapidly through the wood.} 
 
 PRINCE 
 The Dragon ! 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 Yes. It's all your fault. Now he may be be 
 witched or eaten some catnip or something, and eat 
 us both! (She runs terrified, back to the fountain. 
 The PRINCE leaps away still further.} 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 But he can't do that! Why, I always must van 
 quish him! 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 But I've upset everything! Goodness knows what 
 will happen. Oh, dear! 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 This is awful! (He runs to the furthest corner of 
 the garden, followed by the PRINCESS,
 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 145 
 
 (THE DRAGON appears, rushing through the 
 wood, bellowing and blowing blue smoke. He 
 tears, down into the garden, howling. A small 
 boy leaps after him shouting and throwing 
 stones. 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 Oh! Oh! Stop him! He's killing me! (He 
 races around the fountain in long snaky twists, fol 
 lowed by the joyously shrieking small boy.} 
 
 BOY 
 
 (Throwing stones} 
 Ki-yi ! There's one on your nose ! 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Rushing out and stopping the boy by force} 
 Here, you. Don't you treat my Dragon like that! 
 
 BOY 
 
 (Stopping} 
 
 Oh was it a pet of yours? (He is a sturdy little 
 boy with short touseled brown hair, a round freckled 
 face, heavy boots and stockings, corduroy knicker 
 bockers, and a rumpled brown shirt.} 
 
 PRINCESS 
 It is. You shouldn't throw stones in Fairy Land. 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 (Stepping out from behind the PRINCES^) 
 It's our Dragon.
 
 I 4 6 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 PRINCESS 
 And you've been treating it abominably! 
 
 DRAGON 
 (In a wail} 
 
 You said he was soft and little and fat ! I 
 knew he was vicious! Why, he's made of India rub 
 ber and has the disposition of a wildcat ! I only spoke 
 to him, and he was after me like a thousand hawks, 
 throwing stones! Soft! Little! Ooh! I'll never 
 believe you again! 
 
 PRINCESS 
 You got the wrong one, silly. 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 I told you n>y eyes were weak and I puffed out 
 so much smoke nobody could tell. You said the 
 Prince was the only boy would come into the wood. 
 I'm all over cracks and bruises! Ooh! 
 
 PRINCE 
 (To DRAGON) 
 What did you let a common trespasser in for? 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 I don't want him. (He crawls off, breathing 
 heavily, and lies doum at the far right.} 
 
 BOY 
 
 Well, he said he wanted to eat me. I met him up 
 on the edge of the wood there. And he made faces 
 at me, and stuck out his tongue. Of course. (He
 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 147 
 
 plunges his hands into his pockets.} No one can 
 do that not even your pet animal. You see that. 
 I had to show him. 
 
 PRINCE 
 (Advancing) 
 I vanquish him every day. 
 
 BOY 
 
 (Fanning himself with his cap) 
 Hot work. 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 It doesn't disturb me at all. I just come. And he 
 lets me walk on him. 
 
 BOY 
 
 You're pretty fond of yourself. Aren't you? 
 
 PRINCESS 
 (To the BOY) 
 What's your name? 
 
 BOY 
 
 Billy. What's yours? 
 
 PRINCE 
 I am the Prince in the Fairy Tale. 
 
 BILLY 
 
 I didn't ask you, curly-locks. (He tarns to the 
 PRINCESS.) You seem to have a lot of spunk for a 
 girl. And any one with a pet like that would have, 
 of course. What is your name?
 
 i 4 8 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 PRINCESS 
 (Uncertainly} 
 I I'm not quite sure. 
 
 BILLY 
 
 That's funny. (Decidedly.} Well, it ought to be 
 Margery. I know a girl at home called Margery 
 who has hair like yours. She's a very nice girl. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 I think you are a very nice boy. Will you stay 
 here with me? 
 
 PRINCE 
 (Pushing in} 
 
 She's the Princess in the Fairy Tale of course, just 
 as I'm the Prince. And this is our private Fairy 
 Garden. How did you get in, and who are you, and 
 don't you know you're trespassing? You must go 
 right away. 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 Yes. For heaven's sake, don't keep that wild-cat 
 in our garden. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 I will keep him. I will. (She drags BILLY by the 
 hand.} He will stay and teach me to throw stones 
 nicely as he does. What kingdom did you come from 
 Billy? 
 
 BILLY 
 
 (His hands in his pockets} 
 
 Why, I live in the little white house by the Gro 
 cery store on Main street.
 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 149 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 Well, you don't belong here. How did you get 
 here? 
 
 BILLY 
 
 I was just walking along, and I chased a squirrel up 
 to the edge of the wood and then I met this this 
 creature here. And there didn't seem anything for 
 me to do but chase him when he stuck out his tongue 
 I guess I came pretty far. 
 
 PRINCE 
 You can go back now. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 No. You're going to stay here. I like you. You 
 can be the Prince. 
 
 PRINCE 
 I am the Prince. I am. I am. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Taking BILLY'S arm} 
 
 Prove it then. (She drags BILLY away a little.} 
 Teach me how to throw stones. I have a golden ball 
 to play with. (She takes a golden ball out of her 
 pinafore pocket.) 
 
 PRINCE 
 Wait till my Fairy Godmother hears of this! 
 
 BILLY 
 
 (Taking the ball) 
 
 You are a sissy. This is a pretty jolly ball. (He 
 throws it to the PRINCESS.)
 
 150 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 (Almost weeping with rage) 
 I'll call the King and Queen and Nurse. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 (Running joyfully back and forth as she and BILLY 
 
 throw the ball) 
 Don't cry and muss your curls ! 
 
 PRINCE 
 (Furious) 
 
 Curls yourself! (He throws himself on the PRIN 
 CESS and pulls her hair violently.) 
 
 BILLY 
 
 (Pulling him away) 
 Drop that! 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 (Still clutching the PRINCESS' hair and kicking) 
 I won't! I won't! I will pull her hair. She's 
 my Princess and a mean thing to treat me so 
 and you're a big bully and a donkey. (He kicks out 
 madly at BILLY.) 
 
 PRINCESS 
 Beat him up, Billy! (She jumps up and down.) 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 (Falling on BILLY) 
 Donkey! Great ugly donkey! 
 
 BILLY 
 I can't stand that! Donkey yourself. (He tussles
 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 151 
 
 with the PRINCE and throws him.) You would call 
 me names! 
 
 (The PRINCE lies sobbing on the grass, BILLY 
 
 on top of him.) 
 
 PRINCE 
 You'll be sorry for this! 
 
 BILLY 
 
 (Rising and dusting himself) 
 
 You're not hurt really. I only gave you a little 
 punch. 
 
 ( The PRINCE raises himself just enough to pull 
 a little tin horn out of his sash t and blow a 
 shrill penetrating blast then throws himself 
 down again.) 
 
 PRINCESS 
 Oh! Now he has done it! 
 
 BILLY 
 What's up! 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 You'll see. Look! (She points to the left.) It's 
 the King and Queen in the Fairy Tale. Of course 
 he had to go and call them! 
 
 (Through trees at the left come slowly the 
 KING and QUEEN, very gorgeous in trailing 
 gold and ermine robes. They both wear high 
 spiked gold crowns and the KING carries a 
 massive gold scepter. They are followed by 
 two heralds in gold and scarlet, with long
 
 152 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 trumpets! and then six little Princesses in a 
 row. The Princesses are all of a height, with 
 tiny gold crowns on their long light hair, and 
 white gowns reaching to their feet. They wear 
 wide blue sashes, and appear very, very young 
 indeed. Last, comes THE OLD NURSE, bear 
 ing a tray with tea and cakes.) 
 
 THE QUEEN 
 
 (Rather peevishly, as the procession approaches) 
 It does seem to me that the Dragon was killed very 
 
 early to-day. And I had reached such an interesting 
 
 chapter in my novel. 
 
 THE KING 
 
 Never mind, my dear. It hardly ever takes more 
 than ten minutes to read the award. 
 
 THE QUEEN 
 
 The trumpets always make my head ache and the 
 cannon 
 
 THE KING 
 Maybe we can omit the cannon to-day. 
 
 QUEEN 
 Oh, do. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 (Watching the procession as it circles toward her in 
 
 a stately way) 
 They will be vexed, when they find out. 
 
 BILLY 
 What's up, especially?
 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 153 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 Everything. It's all twisted and wrong. You're 
 here, and the Prince is there, and the Dragon over 
 there. They will be annoyed. 
 
 BILLY 
 Who are they anyhow? 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 The King arfd Queen in the Fairy Tale, of course. 
 And they have the extra princesses with them, and 
 the heralds to trumpet for the defeat of the Dragon 
 and the triumph of the Prince and look at him. 
 And they do so hate to have anything go wrong! 
 
 BILLY 
 But what is it all abouf? 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 This is the end of a Fairy Tale day, of course. And 
 everything should come out all nice and smooth, and 
 the sunset gun go off to announce at the same time 
 the death for the day of the Dragon, the freeing of 
 the Princess, and the triumph of the Prince saving 
 gunpowder. 
 
 BILLY 
 So it's a Fairy Tale? 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 Of course. I'm in it and you and everybody. 
 We're all a Fairy Tale.
 
 154 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 BILLY 
 
 Not much I'm not. I never did care for Fairy 
 Tales. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 You're in it now. 
 
 BILLY 
 
 I guess I'll be going. I never had much to do with 
 kings and queens. 
 
 ( BILLY starts to go, but the KING, QUEEN 
 and the little princesses have made a complete 
 semi-circle around the garden, and he brings 
 up short.) 
 
 KING 
 (Putting on spectacles, as he unrolls a scroll in his 
 
 hand) 
 What's this? 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Springing after BILLY, and seizing his hand) 
 It's the new Prince! 
 
 OLD NURSE 
 ( Waddling forward with the tray, and putting it down 
 
 on the stool at the right) 
 Oh la la. Something new. 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 (Rising with a wail) 
 He is not. I am the Prince.
 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 155 
 
 QUEEN 
 (Distastefully) 
 What a mess he's in. 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 (Pointing at BILLY) 
 
 It's all because of him. He knocked me down. 
 He insulted me. He came into the garden uninvited 
 and threw stones. He's nothing but a common boy 
 from outside. 
 
 KING 
 
 Dear. Dear. This is very tiresome. Where's th\e 
 Dragon ? 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 (Rolling himself up painfully) 
 Here. 
 
 KING 
 You seem very decently beaten up. 
 
 DRAGON 
 I am. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 And Billy did it. He should be the Prince. 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 Yes. He came into our garden and threw stones 
 at our Dragon. Throw him out ! 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 (Taking out a book from a pocket in her dress) 
 Why have so much argument?
 
 156 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 PRINCESS 
 I will keep Billy. 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 But he insulted me, and he is only a common boy, 
 and lives next to a grocer! 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 And he beat you up, too. That shows he's a better 
 Prince than you. 
 
 PRINCE 
 But I am the Prince! 
 
 KING 
 Dear. Dear. This is very unusual. 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 (Looking up from her book) 
 
 I don't see why it's unusual. It's only in another 
 
 form. Somebody vanquished the Dragon and at the 
 
 same time, the competing Prince. Therefore that 
 
 somebody is the real Prince. In disguise, no doubt. 
 
 (She returns to her book) 
 
 KING 
 
 (Doubtfully) 
 Do you think so, my love? 
 
 QUEEN 
 Certainly. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Jumping up and down with joy) 
 Of course! Of course!
 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 157 
 
 KING 
 
 Very well then. Sound the trumpets. (The her 
 alds lift their horns.) 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 But what about me? I am left! Wait till my 
 fairy Godmother hears! 
 
 KING 
 
 Dear. Dear. This is very upsetting. No one 
 should be left. 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 (Dropping her book to look at the PRINCE) 
 He can have one of the other Princesses. They 
 look about his height. 
 
 KING 
 
 (Doubtfully) 
 But I don't like spoiling the set 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 One is sure to be snatched by an Ogre or fall into 
 the river sooner or later. She might just as well go 
 with this Prince. The Fairy Tale must be completed. 
 My dear (She turns to one of the little Princesses.) 
 Here is a Prince for you. Curtsey when you're 
 spoken to and mind you are good to him and keep 
 him dusted. He seems to be bent on making a mess 
 of himself. (She returns to her book.) 
 
 ( The little PRINCESS steps out, looking shyly at 
 the PRINCE.)
 
 158 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 PRINCE 
 I don't want her. She's a baby. 
 
 KING 
 (Testily) 
 
 Well you'll have to take her. You couldn't keep 
 the other. Sound the trumpets. 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 She's very nice tempered and had all the proper 
 gifts at christening. A little attention and society 
 will do wonders for her. 
 
 KING 
 
 Let the cannon boom as the sun sets. (The her 
 alds sound a blast, and it is followed by a distant 
 boom of cannon.) 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 That's enough. (The heralds put down their 
 horns.) 
 
 KING 
 (Adjusting his spectacles, and reading very rapidly 
 
 from the roll in his hand) 
 
 The Dragon is vanquished. The King and Queen 
 rejoice. The trumpets sound. (The heralds sound 
 their horns.) And the cannon 
 
 QUEEN 
 Not again. 
 
 KING 
 
 Have boomed. And the Prince What is your 
 name, young man?
 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 159 
 
 BILLY 
 Billy Travers. 
 
 KING 
 
 And the Prince Billy Travers and the Fairy 
 Princess 
 
 PRINCESS 
 Margery. I want to be called Margery. 
 
 KING 
 
 And the Princess Margery lived happily ever after 
 to the tune of dancing and feasting. (He rolls up 
 the paper. The heralds sound a blast.) Let there be 
 dancing and feasting. (The heralds produce lutes 
 that were slung over their shoulders and play a gay 
 tinkling tune.} 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 (Rolling up to THE OLD NURSE, who is standing by 
 the tea tray) 
 
 Did you bring out plenty of comfits? 
 
 NURSE 
 
 (Slapping him on the snout) 
 Not for you, I didn't. 
 
 KING 
 
 (Bowing to QUEEN) 
 May I have the honor, my love? 
 
 QUEEN 
 
 (Taking his hand) 
 
 Mind you don't step on my train. (She picks this 
 up over her arm and she and the KING dance.)
 
 160 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Seizing BILLY'S hands) 
 You dance with me. (They whirl around.) 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 (Bowing to the NURSE) 
 Allow me, Madam. 
 
 NURSE 
 
 (Taking his claw and dancing sedately) 
 Remember my age. 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 And my joints. (BILLY and the PRINCESS join 
 them, making a square.) 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 (To the LITTLE PRINCESS) 
 Do you dance? 
 
 LITTLE PRINCESS 
 
 Yeth, pleath. (They dance with the KING and 
 QUEEN, making another four.) 
 
 (The heralds stand at the back, and the other 
 little Princesses dance around the fountain.) 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 You're not a hoyden. Are you? I think I like 
 you best anyway. 
 
 LITTLE PRINCESS 
 Yeth, pleath,
 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 161 
 
 QUEEN 
 (Stopping} 
 
 There. That's enough. My crown is almost 
 awry, and we must get to supper before the peacock 
 pies are burnt. I faint with hunger. 
 
 KING 
 
 Sound the trumpets. (The heralds sound the 
 horns, and turn to go out, followed by the Little 
 Princesses.) 
 
 PRINCE 
 
 (Taking the hand of his PRINCESS) 
 We'll sit together at supper; you can save me your 
 owls' tongues if you don't happen to care for them. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 Yeth. Pleath. (They turn and go out.) 
 
 BILLY 
 But- 
 
 DRAGON 
 I don't half like this 
 
 QUEEN 
 No one ever has anything to say after the end. 
 
 KING 
 
 Good-night, my love. Nurse, see that she goes to 
 bed particularly early after all this unusual excite 
 ment. The new Prince may stay to tea with her 
 as a special treat. (The procession moves slowly
 
 162 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Jumping up and down) 
 
 Oh, goody! And it does serve that little sissy right 
 to get one of my sisters. They are such babies and 
 have never said anything but yes or no yet ! 
 
 (The procession winds out of sight. The twi 
 light deepens in the garden.) 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 (Curling himself up painfully) 
 This is beastly rough on me This is. I don't 
 like my new boxing partner one bit. (He rolls his 
 eyes at BILLY.) We'll have to get in a little practice 
 on the side, and I'll show you the right spots. 
 
 BILLY 
 
 Oh I won't bother you any more. If you're 
 polite. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 You'll have to. Every afternoon and some 
 times in the .morning. But then we can play with the 
 Golden Ball between times. It will be fun. 
 
 BILLY 
 
 BILLY 
 But I can't stay here, you know. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 (Running to the tea tray, and dragging it stool 
 
 and all into the foreground) 
 
 Oh, yes you must. You will stay here forever 
 and ever and we will play with the golden ball
 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 163 
 
 and maybe we'll be allowed to see the fairies dance 
 if they ever do it before sunset. 
 
 BILLY 
 Excuse me, but I'd rather not. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 Why, what do you mean? 
 
 BILLY 
 I'm I'm not particularly used to fairies and such. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 Oh, I'll tell you all about it while we have tea. 
 
 BILLY 
 I don't think I can stay for that. 
 
 BILLY 
 
 Well it must be about supper time home and 
 mother'll be expecting me. We're to have hot cakes. 
 Not but what you've been a very jolly little pal 
 and I thank you and all that. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 But he can't go Can he, Nurse? 
 
 NURSE 
 
 (Who stands, solemnly against the dark cedar} 
 The way out of Fairy Land is always open.
 
 1 64 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 BILLY 
 
 Yes that's it. I couldn't live in a Fairy Tale, you 
 know. Now could I ? (He approaches the PRINCESS, 
 who looks about to cry.) I don't look as if I would 
 go into a Fairy Tale now do I ? 
 
 PRINCESS 
 (Gulping) 
 
 I think you are per-perfectly lovely. And I would 
 love to have you for a Prince. But you don't like 
 me! 
 
 BILLY 
 
 I do. I think you are a very jolly really corking 
 Princess and just as spunky as if you weren't in a 
 silly Fairy Tale at all 
 
 PRINCESS 
 (Brightening) 
 Oh do you? 
 
 BILLY 
 Of course I do. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 Perhaps we'll see each other again someday. 
 Outside, maybe. I don't intend to always live in a 
 Fairy Tale when I grow up. 
 
 BILLY 
 
 Perhaps we will. Fairy Tales aren't much. 
 Good-by, Princess. (He holds out his hand.)
 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 165 
 
 PRINCESS 
 Margery 
 
 BILLY 
 Good-by, Margery. (They shake hands.) 
 
 PRINCESS 
 Good-by. 
 
 ( BILLY turns towards the wood. The PRIN 
 CESS follows him to the edge.) 
 
 BILLY 
 
 ( Turning at the edge of the wood) 
 Good-by. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 Wait for me when you get outside! 
 
 BILLY 
 
 You bet I will. Good-by. (He disappears among 
 the trees.) 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 Good-by! (She waves until he is out of sight. 
 Then, with a little sob, she breaks down.) And I 
 haven't any Prince or anything! 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 (Uncoiling himself) 
 
 There are always plenty of Fairy Tale Princes. 
 But I dare say you'll run away to this one just the 
 same Violent tempered creature. You never can 
 tell what will please a woman.
 
 166 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 (Cheering up, and coming towards him) 
 I will. I will. 
 
 NURSE 
 
 Eat your tea now. There's a good girl. Or the 
 owls and the pixies will get it it's that late. 
 
 (She moves off, and disappears in the gather 
 ing darkness, right. A big yellow moon rises 
 slowly behind the wood. The weird mists and 
 interlacing tree branches and trunks are pricked 
 out with light. The fountain glitters very 
 bright in a shaft of moonlight, that falls on 
 THE DRAGON, and gleams on the hair of the 
 PRINCESS.) 
 
 DRAGON 
 And what about me ? Where's my tea ? 
 
 PRINCESS 
 You didn't do the right thing at all. 
 
 DRAGON 
 
 But I did the best I could. Don't I get any com 
 fits? You promised them all to me. 
 
 PRINCESS 
 
 We will divide them. (She and THE DRAGON sit 
 down to tea.) 
 
 (From the left, THE OLD NURSE is heard 
 singing softly.) 
 
 " A brownie stealeth from the vine,
 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 167 
 
 Singing, ' Heigho, my dearie, 
 And will you hear this song of mine 
 A song of the land of murk and mist 
 Where bideth the bud the dew hath kissed? 
 Then let the moonbeams' web of light 
 Be spun before thee silvery white, 
 And I shall sing the livelong night 
 Heigho my dearie ! ' 
 
 [CURTAIN]
 
 1 68 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 FOR OUTDOOR PRODUCTION OF THE 
 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 
 
 Any garden, or any woodland, can of course be used 
 for this play. The setting given is only a suggestion, 
 and naturally could not be achieved in anything but 
 an indoor production. 
 
 For an outdoor garden production, the initial en 
 trance of the Princess, the Nurse and the Dragon, 
 could be made in a sort of little procession through 
 the garden. The Princess first, sewing as she walks, 
 the Nurse following, singing softly, and the Dragon 
 trailing grumpily some distance behind. They could 
 take their places, the Nurse and the Princess on their 
 little stools, and the Dragon sleeping by the fountain 
 and the play start just as it is given. 
 
 For a final exit, the Princess and the Dragon could 
 walk off hand in hand, the Princess holding the tea 
 tray, and the Dragon eating a cake as he walks.
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 SCENE. A garden. 
 
 TIME. A summer afternoon. 
 
 CHARACTERS 
 
 People of Mother Goose Inn 
 MOTHER GOOSE. 
 MOTHER HUBBARD. 
 SIMPLE SIMON. 
 
 MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY. 
 LITTLE TOMMY TUCKER. 
 
 Wayfarers 
 THE TROUBADOUR. 
 THE TROUBADOUR'S LADY. 
 CAPTAIN ADVENTURE. 
 HERO. 
 VICTORIA. 
 H. JAMES. 
 
 AlNSLEE McCLURE.
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 r I jHE scene is a garden with a fountain in the 
 I center. The grass is very green, and the ring 
 "^ of flowers around the fountain pool bright 
 with color. Behind the garden is a woodland, and a 
 little white gate leads into it from the garden. A 
 wooden sign painted in gay colors, swings on a post 
 by the gate. The sign depicts a white goose, with a 
 high peaked black hat, against a scarlet background. 
 Beneath it is printed in clear white letters. 
 MOTHER GOOSE INN. WELCOME. A bell 
 and a rope hang under this. There is a little painted 
 table in the garden, some painted chairs, and a prim 
 little bench under a cedar tree. 
 
 MARY comes through the little green arbor at the 
 left into the garden, bearing a watering pot, and be 
 gins to sprinkle the flower beds, humming. She is a 
 trim little person in a flowered dress, and frilly white 
 mop cap. The head of an old lady in a white cap 
 tied with long strings appears around the corner of the 
 arbor, and SIMON comes out of the arbor quickly. 
 SIMON is very tall and lanky, dressed in tight shabby 
 brown, twirls his cap in his fingers, toes in, and wears 
 his thin fair hair long. 
 
 171
 
 172 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 OLD LADY 
 
 (Calling after SIMON) 
 
 Now mind you bring plenty of Pies, Simple Simon. 
 The larder is quite bare of them. 
 
 SIMON 
 
 (With a flourish) 
 
 " Pat-a-cake Pat-a-cake Bakers' man, Bake me a 
 cake as fast as you can. Pat it, and prick it, and 
 mark it with T, And there will be enough " 
 
 OLD LADY 
 
 " Jack be nimble Jack be quick, Jack jump over the 
 candlestick ! " Go along with you and don't stop to 
 listen to Tom the Piper's son on the way. 
 
 SIMON 
 
 I'll fly Mother Hubbard. "Handy spandy 
 Jack a Dandy Loves plum cake and sugar candy. 
 He bought some at a baker's shop, And out he came 
 Hop-hop-hop! " (He emphasizes this with great hops 
 of his long legs. The OLD LADY draws in her head. 
 SIMON skips over the grass, singing.) " Mary, Mary, 
 Quite Contrary, How does your garden grow? With 
 silver bells and cockle shells, And Pretty Maids all in 
 a row! " (He chucks MARY under the chin.) 
 
 MARY 
 
 (Giving him a push) 
 
 You are a Simple Simon. How Mother Goose can 
 ever run her Inn with you doing her errands is a 
 riddle to me!
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 173 
 
 SIMON 
 
 " Riddle-me, riddle me, riddle me ree " Mother 
 Goose is a wise old lady. She knows the value of 
 Simples, like Simple Simon, and keeps them busy. 
 (He nods his head.) 
 
 MARY 
 
 Busy enough. (She waters the flowers diligently.) 
 Those who work in Mother Goose Inn find plenty 
 to do. What with Old King Cole calling for every 
 thing all at once, and Jack and Jill having to be 
 patched up every minute and all the children of the 
 Old Woman who Lives in a Shoe to be fed hot broth 
 there never was such a busy Inn as Mother Goose 
 Inn. 
 
 ( Two languishing Italian figures come slowly 
 through the wood, and stop, looking up at the 
 sign. The slim young man has his arm around 
 the girl, and she is enveloped in a torn purple 
 and scarlet cloak, which hides all but her bare 
 feet in broken sandals, and a rough plait of 
 reddish hair. The man has a gipsy face with 
 long dark curls. His clothes are dirty and 
 torn, but of lovely old reds and blues, and 
 worn with grace. He carries a broken lute 
 over one shoulder. They both limp a little, 
 and are plainly exhausted.) 
 
 YOUTH 
 (Leaning over the gate, and speaking in a sonorous 
 
 voice) 
 Hail happy folk within a garden,
 
 174 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 SIMON 
 Customers, Mary. 
 
 MARY 
 
 (Turning quickly) 
 
 Good-day, pretty Sir, Good-day, pretty Lady. (She 
 drops a curtsy.) 
 
 YOUTH 
 
 Hast thou seen, maiden, a fountain in this green 
 wood a fountain springing all purpled from the 
 earth, purpled and filled with crimson lights of love, 
 and gushing up till it licks the stars like a great 
 flame? 
 
 SIMON 
 
 (Who has listened, enthralled) 
 Indeed sir, and how can a fountain which is water, 
 be a flame, which is fire? 
 
 YOUTH 
 
 (Turning melancholy eyes on SIMON) 
 I see that you have not drunk of it, for you do not 
 understand poetry. He who drinks that fountain 
 shall live forever bathed in the golden light of poetry 
 which is the quicksilver of the fountain. 
 
 SIMON 
 Did you say gold, Sir, or silver? 
 
 YOUTH 
 (Rapturously) 
 Gold and silver and thousands of great purple
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 175 
 
 stars! Have you seen such a fountain, or know of 
 any one to direct us? 
 
 SIMON 
 
 There is the Pieman. He goes to every house 
 for every man must eat. 
 
 THE LADY 
 
 (From the shoulder of the YOUTH) 
 Alas, Alas. They know not of the fountain. 
 
 YOUTH 
 
 The world is full of commonplace and gluttony 
 while we fast by the wayside. 
 
 MARY 
 
 I don't know of any fountain such as you de 
 scribe but I can give you a drink of water. And 
 something to eat. Mother Goose Inn always satisfies 
 its customers. 
 
 YOUTH 
 
 (Leading the LADY in through the gate} 
 Not water. Wine. Scarlet wine. Hot with 
 spices. (He and his LADY sit limply on the bench 
 under the cedar tree.} Spices to revive the soul of 
 the Troubadour and his Lady. 
 
 MARY 
 
 (Uncertainly} 
 We have ale for Old King Cole
 
 176 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 YOUTH 
 
 (Waving a long han.d) 
 
 Anything Anything that sparkles and has 
 color. (MARY hurries off through the arbor.) The 
 world is very evil and dark and the thorns are sharp. 
 No one heeds us. We must drink from what cup we 
 can, to wet our parched lips. 
 
 SIMON 
 
 (Approaching with a wave of his cap at the fountain) 
 That water there is very wet, Sir. Jack and Jill 
 once spilled a whole pail full, and Polly Flinders built 
 a fire to dry them 
 
 YOUTH 
 
 Peace gangling fool. (He slings his broken 
 lute from his shoulders.) Hark, I will sing to my be 
 loved, of the Fountain we seek. 
 
 (SIMPLE SIMON sits down cross legged, and 
 watches them, open mouthed.. .The LADY sighs, 
 and throws back the hood of her cloak, reveal 
 ing a wan white face between the red braids. 
 The TROUBADOUR sings to the lute with great 
 difficulty because half the strings are gone.) 
 Fountain Fountain which springs from the earth 
 to make all men young fountain, silver fountain 
 which quenches all fires as it lights them 
 
 SIMON 
 That is not possible. 
 
 YOUTH 
 Silver silver fountain Giver of Eternal Life
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 177 
 
 Let the Troubadour find in your silver silver 
 for his pocket silver for his soul silver for his 
 crown lest the world forget him and he dies 
 
 LADY 
 Alas Alas. 
 
 YOUTH 
 
 Lest the world forget him (A string of the lute 
 snaps. He stops and glares at SIMON vjho has 
 scrambled to his feet.) How dare you interrupt! 
 
 SIMON 
 
 I thought you were finished, Sir when you said 
 " He dies." 
 
 TROUBADOUR 
 
 (With a melodramatic spring to his feet) 
 Yes. I die. I die. The Troubadour of all Ro 
 mances the wanderer through Golden Italy 
 France of the Lilies, and England of Arthur's Knights 
 
 I perish. My lute is broken. No one will listen 
 to my songs. (He sinks down and buries his face in 
 his hands.) 
 
 LADY 
 No. No. Beloved. We will find the fountain 
 
 and drink of eternal life. Others have found it. 
 Why not the Troubadour? 
 
 TROUBADOUR 
 (His face still buried) 
 
 What is wrong with my songs that they go un 
 heeded ? Why cannot I sing and the water spring
 
 178 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 from the earth like a living flame in answer to my 
 voice ? 
 
 SIMON 
 
 (Standing before them troubled twisting his 
 cap) 
 
 It seems to me, Sir that your song has too much 
 of refrain in it and too little matter. Perhaps peo 
 ple would like it more if it had more matter for 
 instance (He starts to sing.) "Mary Had a 
 Little Lamb. Its fleece was white as snow. And 
 everywhere that Mary went " (The TROUBADOUR 
 springs wildly to his feet. SIMON retreats a step, but 
 still regards him with a deprecatory smile.) Now 
 there's a neat littk song. 
 
 TROUBADOUR 
 
 (In a husky voice, feeling for the dagger at his belt) 
 I will not stay to be insulted. You shall not live 
 to do it. My ancestors were of Boccaccio Villon 
 Angelotti (He raises his dagger ) 
 
 (During this last speech, a burly figure has 
 pushed its way through the gate into the gar 
 den. He is evidently a Sea Captain from his 
 great boots, and weather beaten face framed 
 with brass earrings.. .He wears, however, a 
 huge shabby velvet hat, with many draggled 
 plumes, awry over the red kerchief binding 
 his head. His suit is of dark, stained and dirty 
 velvet, with a great red sash full of pistols and 
 cutlasses. He advances with a swaggering
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 179 
 
 stride, and seizes the uplifted hand of the 
 TROUBADOUR.) 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 
 Odd's blood What's this? No murder here 
 and Captain Adventure on the deck! (He wrenches 
 the dagger away. THE TROUBADOUR shrinks back. 
 THE CAPTAIN wipes the dagger with a bright red and 
 yellow handkerchief and sticks it in his belt.} A 
 pretty toy. (MARY has come out with a tray con 
 taining a pitcher, and two goblets. THE CAPTAIN 
 seizes the pitcher as she comes up to him.} Yo 
 ho. Rum! (He drains the pitcher. THE TROU 
 BADOUR and his LADY shrink together.} 
 
 TROUBADOUR 
 Ruffian! 
 
 LADY 
 (Clinging} 
 
 Beloved. Touch him not. We would live to 
 drink of the fountain. 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 (Setting the pitcher back on the tray with a bang, and 
 
 wiping his long mustache} 
 
 A mild drink. But bring more. I'll pay in doub 
 loons. Never say Adventure is a thief! (He 
 swings himself down into a wooden chair, his legs 
 stretched straight out in front of him. MARY goes 
 out again with the tray.}
 
 i8o MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 SIMON 
 (Nervously) 
 
 But the wine belonged to the other gentleman. The 
 one with the dagger you know. 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 ( Contemptuously ) 
 
 Such sucklings should have neither weapons nor 
 drink. 
 
 LADY 
 (Caressingly to the TROUBADOUR. They have sunk 
 
 down on the bench) 
 
 Heed him not, beloved. One can see he is only a 
 tramp an outcast from the world whose words and 
 deeds are not hearkened to. He will never reach the 
 fountain. (She leans against the TROUBADOUR'S 
 shoulder. He whispers in her ear, and picks on his 
 lute.) 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 (Fishing a couple of gold coins out of his pocket and 
 
 carelessly tossing them up in the air) 
 Tell me young cockerel hast seen a fresh water 
 spring hereabouts? In a cave it would like to be, 
 or in the heart of a volcano. Very like it is guarded 
 by a ruffianly band of smugglers those whos' cap 
 tain has a black patch over one eye. But Adventure 
 will throttle them. S'Death I will throw them all 
 single handed and when securely bound, make them 
 walk the plank into the cold sea for the sharks. 
 Ha Ha!
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 181 
 
 SIMON 
 
 (Who has been listening breathlessly) 
 From the volcano sir? 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 
 What is a volcano more or less to Adventure? 
 {He seizes the jug again from the tray of 
 MARY who has just returned. She takes it 
 from him, just as he is about to drink from it, 
 pours out a glass for him, and turns towards 
 THE TROUBADOUR.) 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 
 A sly wench that and neat. (He takes her wrist 
 as she turns.) Wench have those bright eyes 
 seen a little clear water freshet hereabouts It 
 would belike be on a sandy shore near a spot of buried 
 treasure where no foot of man had ever trod be 
 fore. 
 
 SIMON 
 Who was it you say buried the treasure Sir? 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 
 Answer or know the weight of Adventure's 
 wrath. Hast thou a .map with a cross at such a 
 Spring? 
 
 MARY 
 
 No, Sir. There is only the well that Jack and 
 Jill draw water from every morning 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 Foiled! Foiled again! That Adventure should
 
 & 
 
 1 82 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 come to such a pass, that he should look for a little 
 Spring of fresh water wandering on the highroads 
 looking for fresh water when the breath of his life 
 is the salt wave the salt spray the salt wind 
 (There is a jangle of the bell under the sign, 
 and MARY, who has been helping THE TROU 
 BADOUR to wine, hurries towards it.) 
 But I tell you varlet 
 
 (He glares at SIMON, who stands, fascinated, 
 his toes turning in and his mouth open.} 
 If I do not find that Spring I shall soon die strang 
 ulate perish Captain Adventure will rot as the 
 beasts that perish in the desert islands. I who have 
 sailed the salt wave 
 
 (MARY comes forward, supporting an almost 
 fainting lady, in full white skirts and a blue 
 ribboned scoop bonnet that completely hides her 
 face. A reticule dangles limply from her inert 
 black-mitted hand. A dapper gentleman, his 
 fawn color trousers, and tight lavender coat, 
 much the worse for travel and frayed at the 
 edges, follows anxiously. He carries a huge 
 beaver hat of fuzzy fawn color in one hand, 
 and a neat little carpet bag in the other. His 
 light curls are very beautiful, and his frills 
 once, no doubt, impressive.) 
 
 THE LADY 
 (In a faint murmur) 
 
 Salt yes salts where are my salts I must 
 have them.
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 183 
 
 (MARY sits her in a chair and produces a bot 
 tle of salts from THE LADY'S reticule. The 
 GENTLEMAN leans over the back of the chair 
 and solicitously gives THE LADY her salts.) 
 
 GENTLEMAN 
 
 My dearest Victoria. I indeed grieve that the road 
 has fatigued you. (He turns to MARY.) My good 
 girl. Could you perhaps find in this excellent and 
 worthy Inn some sustenance for this lady? She is 
 faint. 
 
 SIMON 
 
 We have good Jack Horner Pies for the hungry. 
 And Queen of Heart's Tarts too 
 
 VICTORIA 
 
 (Feebly, brushing away the suggestion} 
 I am not hungry at all. I am never hungry. Some 
 times I take a little berry or a bit of lettuce leaf 
 merely for appearances. 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 
 (In a jovial roar holding out a goblet of ale} 
 Rum. That's what you need, m'am. Rum. 
 
 VICTORIA 
 (Collapsing} 
 
 Oh the great rough man. My dearest Hero, 
 is there not some way of avoiding all this dreadful 
 publicity? Is there not some quiet modest little cor 
 ner where the roses grow, that we can retire to in 
 peace? We, who have but so lately started on our
 
 1 84 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 life's journey if indeed (She produces a hand 
 kerchief and delicately touches her eyes} we finish it 
 together ? 
 
 HERO 
 
 Can you not see, Sir, that there is a lady present, 
 and she of delicate mold and fainting? 
 
 MARY 
 
 Let me get her some curds and whey now. It's very 
 nourishing, and delicate too. And some Curly-Locks 
 strawberries with sugar and cream. (She turns to go 
 off.) 
 
 HERO 
 
 Bring me some black-bird pie. And here's sixpence 
 for yourself, my good girl. (MARY curtseys and goes 
 out through the arbor.} 
 
 VICTORIA 
 (Faintly} 
 I thirst. Let me lean against your arm, Hero. 
 
 TROUBADOUR'S LADY 
 (Leaning over gently offering her a cup} 
 Will you have some of my wine lady? It is 
 sweet to the taste, and refreshing as warm new milk 
 and Saints' tears. 
 
 VICTORIA 
 (Shrinking away} 
 
 No, thank you. (She turns her bonnet up to HERO.) 
 My dearest Hero, do you think this garden is quite 
 proper? I don't think I quite approve of the way they 
 speak.
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 185 
 
 HERO 
 
 My dearest Victoria, it is all very distressing. But 
 we will soon find the fountain and our troubles in life 
 will be past. 
 
 VICTORIA 
 
 (Resorting to her handkerchief} 
 Oh, my dearest Hero if we do not find the foun 
 tain we shall perish! We are already shabby with 
 hardly enough money for our tombstones. It is hardly 
 genteel! And we on our honeymoon! 
 
 TROUBADOUR 
 (Embracing his LADY) 
 
 We too are lovers. We live on the red fruits of 
 love. 
 
 VICTORIA 
 (With a gasp} 
 
 Hero I am sure they are not proper! Let us 
 leave! (She arranges her bonnet and reticule.} 
 
 MARY 
 
 But madam, Polly has not even put the kettle on 
 yet. There's nothing like a good hot dish to bring 
 folks together Why, Jack Sprat and his wife only 
 got together over their dinners 
 
 VICTORIA 
 
 So material. So middle class. Hero, dearest, ask 
 her the way. I am so helpless in asking directions. 
 
 SIMON 
 Like the three blind mice
 
 186 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 VICTORIA 
 
 (With a little shriek) 
 
 Ooh! (She clings to HERO, nervously pulling him 
 away. ) 
 
 HERO 
 
 My excellent maid, can you tell me if there is a 
 palace in this wood? 
 
 MARY 
 
 (Arranging the table) 
 
 There is the Sleeping Beauty Palace, Sir but the 
 way is thorny. 
 
 TROUBADOUR 
 
 (Soulfully in an undertone to his lute) 
 The thorns may circle our path but their points 
 will but show us our way pricked in red drops of 
 blood 
 
 SIMON 
 (Edging up) 
 
 I know a song something like that " There was 
 a man in our town, and he was wondrous wise. He 
 jumped into 'a bramble bush and scratched out both 
 his eyes But when he saw his eyes were out 
 With all his might and main He jumped into 
 another bush And scratched them in again." 
 
 TROUBADOUR 
 
 Peace, bleating fool. We speak of poetry and 
 song 
 
 SIMON 
 Like Tom the piper's son
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 187 
 
 VICTORIA 
 (To HERO) 
 
 My love. That might be the palace. Sleeping 
 Beauty, a fashionable cure no doubt and the place 
 for fountains. Ah, and we would endure any thorns 
 to reach this fountain. Did you say, my dear, that it 
 was a beautiful Crystal Palace? I am sure it would 
 be in a Crystal Palace that the fountain would be 
 found. 
 
 SIMON 
 (Helpfully") 
 There is the glass house where we throw, stones. 
 
 VICTORIA 
 
 (Eagerly} 
 
 Is it very beautifully furnsihed with lambrequins 
 and antimacassars and red plush chairs, and tables with 
 albums ? 
 
 HERO 
 
 (Clasping her) 
 Just as we will furnish our own home, Victoria ! 
 
 VICTORIA 
 
 The fountain will be in the front hall, springing 
 from a gilt statue with a lamp surrounded by a fret 
 work of iron and red glass The fountain coming 
 from Nature's heart and going on forever like dear 
 Lord Alfred's brook 
 
 SIMON 
 How does the brook go round the red chairs, ma'm ?
 
 i88 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 VICTORIA 
 
 Will it not be perfect joy my own? We will 
 drink of it, and live forever in the Crystal Palace. I 
 faint to think of it. (She applies her salts.) Such 
 bliss ! 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 (Pulling his chair up to the table, and plunging into 
 
 the pie MARY has just put down) 
 Flumdiddle! Brick-a-brack! S'blood! 
 
 (TROUBADOUR and his LADY draw up timidly 
 at the opposite side of the table.) 
 
 HERO 
 
 (Picking up his carpet bag) 
 
 Have you seen such a fountain and such a palace, 
 my good fellow? 
 
 SIMON 
 
 (Rubbing one leg on the other) 
 
 No, Sir. (He rushes awkwardly to the table and 
 pours out some water from a flagon for ADVENTURE.) 
 Will you have some water, Sir fresh drawn from 
 Pussy's well ? 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 
 (Knocking the flagon over with a siveep of his elbow) 
 Rum ! Rum ! Enough for Fifteen Men and 
 one dead one! Do I harry the rolling sea in ships 
 to drink water! 
 
 SIMON 
 
 (Picking up the flagon, in a gentle murmur) 
 " Three wise men of Gotham went to sea in a 
 bowl .
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 189 
 
 // the bowl had been stronger my tale had been 
 longer " 
 
 (There has come in through the gate, during 
 this conversation, a stoutish GENTLEMAN, rather 
 elderly, with thinning hair, and bone glasses. 
 He is dressed in a greenish shabby suit of an 
 tique cut, and is so engrossed in his own medi 
 tations, with his head bent, and his hands be 
 hind him, that he runs right into HERO and 
 VICTORIA, who are standing uncertainly, whis 
 pering together.} 
 
 GENTLEMAN 
 
 Oh I solicit your pardon, I'm sure, in that I 
 have intruded myself all inadvertently, not to say more 
 particularly unwittingly, upon yourselves that is to 
 say your corporeal selves, for your spiritual selves have 
 that thing which is known as rare collisions in man or 
 woman 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 (In a roar} 
 
 Meat More Meat! S'Death! Is this an Inn 
 or an empty hogshead that I cannot find Meat ! 
 
 MARY 
 
 There was only one bone in the cupboard, Sir 
 when Mother Hubbard the housekeeper looked, and 
 that the dog took. 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 Then I will pick it with some one. You, Sir!
 
 igo MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 (He roars at the GENTLEMAN just arrived.') What 
 do you mean standing there in my light? Who are 
 you? 
 
 GENTLEMAN 
 
 (Deprecatingly, looking at ADVENTURE over his glasses] 
 My name is James, Sir. As a matter of fact I 
 was hardly aware of what light I stood in I must 
 crave your indulgence. I am prone to be absent- 
 minded. That is I am often searching for my verbs 
 and in the midst of these cogitations, or ramifica 
 tions, or I might state perambulations 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 Say what you mean ! 
 
 JAMES 
 
 (With a sigh) 
 
 I wish I could, Sir. In these days when many are 
 apt to even overlook the name of James, which is a 
 lofty name, Sir, I frequently get lost even in my own 
 sentences. But this I think (he looks around to 
 collect an audience), is a particularly good one. (He 
 brings his hands out from behind his back and begins 
 to expound.) I ah am in search of a fount. I 
 believe it could be called a fount or perhaps would 
 be even better termed a Spring as the Pierean is, 
 Spring then 
 
 (There is a jangle of the bell under the sign, 
 and there enters through the gate a lurid young 
 woman in an abbreviated scarlet dress, with a 
 black picture hat, and very high heeled shoes.
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 191 
 
 She carries a great white muff. Her dress is 
 cut extremely low back and front, and she 
 wears dangling earrings and much makeup.) 
 
 GIRL 
 
 (In a drawly twang, as she saunters in) 
 Say you is this Road House a dead one? I've 
 been tintillating that clapper till my fingers feel like 
 a Swedish massage. (She advances swaying.) 
 
 VICTORIA 
 
 (Clinging to HERO) 
 We really must go, my dearest Hero. 
 
 HERO 
 
 I always did fancy red. (He smiles politely at the 
 girl and offers her a chair.) 
 
 VICTORIA 
 Hero! 
 
 GIRL 
 
 (Sinking into the chair) 
 
 Thanks, old dear. (She motions to SIMON.) 
 Here, boy Smokes and a Bronx and rush. I'm 
 beat up. This tramping the curb looking for a cold 
 cream geyser has me bleating for refreshment. When 
 I get to that fountain of eternal debutantness I'll keep 
 it in a non-detachable cup. (She takes out a vanity 
 case and powders her nose.) 
 
 SIMON 
 
 (Intensely fascinated) 
 In there?
 
 192 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 GIRL 
 (Snapping the case to) 
 
 No. Funny face. But can you give me the ad 
 dress of the beauty parlor here-a-bouts that puts on 
 the permanent youth? It ought to be a swell joint 
 by the line of exclusiveness it hands out. Not even a 
 card to me, Ainslee McClure, and me with my profile 
 on every magazine that has a circulation and my 
 story running in no less than five hundred movies at 
 once. But it's wearing and you never can tell where 
 the public will jump. I may find myself next month 
 in the eight by ten cell of a Second Class Vaudeville 
 boarding house in Hoboken, so just tip me off with the 
 number of this beauty bath. Will you? I want that 
 bath. 
 
 VICTORIA 
 
 The immodest hussy! (She hides her face in her 
 handkerchief.} Hero, this is not respectable! 
 
 AINSLEE 
 
 I'll have you know I'm a perfect lady. (She sur 
 veys VICTORIA up and down.) Even if I don't dress 
 like a Newark sewing-by-the-day model. My virtue 
 is absolutely O K. The final paragraph always tells 
 you that. Hit 'em in the eye and then soften up 
 afterwards is my motto. 
 
 SIMON 
 
 Can they see just the same if you hit them in the 
 eye? 
 
 AINSLEE 
 They can't miss me. Any one got a light? (She
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 193 
 
 takes out a cigarette from a gold case.} This hunting 
 a fountain is the thirstiest work I've ever pulled. 
 (She leans over and lights her cigarette at ADVEN 
 TURE'S pipe which he has just started.) Thanks, Pal. 
 You look like an actor out of a job. Copped your 
 overcoat out of the wardrobe room, didn't you? 
 (She leans back, and surveys the TROUBADOUR and 
 his LADY through a puff of smoke.} And you too. 
 What's your particular line ? 
 
 TROUBADOUR 
 
 I am the Troubadour. Through the centuries I 
 sing of Love and Poetry. Though the world is deaf, 
 its ears stopped with sordid moneys I sing I 
 sing 
 
 SIMON 
 
 Like Little Tommy Tucker Singing for his sup 
 per 
 
 AINSLEE 
 
 Well, it doesn't look as if you'd got much off the 
 lunch counter. If you've been on the road long, no 
 wonder you're starved. 
 
 TROUBADOUR 
 
 Starved for appreciation starved for recognition. 
 The world has forgotten us and our songs. Soon 
 we will perish and be but ghosts and mist wraiths if 
 we cannot find the Great Fountain to drink of. 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 (Gloomily) 
 I must soon drink of something more potent than
 
 194 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 rum and stiffer then a hurricane, or Adventure will 
 founder with all hands and the seas close over him. 
 I can find no one these days to man my ships or listen 
 to my tales. 
 
 JAMES 
 
 (Waking a little from his melancholy ruminations) 
 It is indeed difficult to find a listener in the hustling 
 world which goes by all unheeding unheeding my 
 voice which used to lead it through the labyrinth of 
 culture 
 
 AlNSLEE 
 
 (To MARY, who stands by sympathetically) 
 Say is this a home for Down and Outs? 
 
 MARY 
 
 (Smoothing her apron) 
 
 This is Mother Goose Inn, ma'm. It's a home 
 for Mother Goose, ma'm, and all her children, and all 
 her willing servants, of which I am one. (She bobs a 
 curtsey.) And we keep open house, ma'm, to serve 
 any one as comes by and likes simple things like Pat- 
 a-cakes, and hot Pease Porridge, and Daffy-Down- 
 Dillies. There's many as might fare worse, ma'm, than 
 on Mother Goose and her Goodies. She is a wise 
 old lady. 
 
 SIMON 
 
 " There was an old woman lived under a hill 
 And if she's not gone she lives there still 
 Baked apples she sold and cranberry pies 
 And she's the old woman that never told lies "
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 195 
 
 (He emphasizes this last line with very empha 
 tic nods of his head.) 
 
 AINSLEE 
 
 Mother Goose, eh? I never heard of her, but I 
 don't think much of her stage name. 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 (In a deep rumble) 
 Nor the milk pap she serves. 
 
 TROUBADOUR'S LADY 
 
 (Leaning out) 
 
 It is a sweet garden but no high stars in it. You 
 should build towers to reach the stars (She waves 
 a thin white hand.) Should they not my Trouba 
 dour? 
 
 TROUBADOUR 
 
 Indeed. Towers to reach the stars my blessed 
 damozel. By towers and stars are Troubadours re 
 membered. 
 
 SIMON 
 (Pensively) 
 
 " Twinkle twinkle, little star 
 How I wonder what you are " 
 
 JAMES 
 (Who has sunk down by the table, engrossed in a 
 
 book. He looks up) 
 
 Yes a nice obvious little enclosure but noth 
 ing of the higher intellectuality in its atmosphere
 
 196 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 Why not give lectures on the greater Mentality twice 
 a week at four? It would improve the place. Im 
 prove it greatly (He returns to his book.} 
 
 AINSLEE 
 
 (Polishing her nails} 
 
 A little jazz is all you need, and perhaps a bit of 
 cabaret stuff and let me tip you off to a decent 
 press agent. There's nothing like it. But as it is 
 (She looks around and shrugs.} Dead. 
 
 VICTORIA 
 
 (Who has stood, clinging to HERO all this time} 
 
 I should say a few gladiolas and perhaps a tame 
 
 doe or two like Lord Ronald brought his cousin, my 
 
 Hero. (She sighs.} It is indeed hard to be so highly 
 
 related, and yet have to enter a middle class little Inn. 
 
 MARY 
 
 There are those that like Mother Goose Inn. 
 
 SIMON 
 
 And they Great People too sometimes. They say 
 there is no fountain water as clear as ours, no milk as 
 sweet, and no garden flowers as bright. 
 
 AINSLEE 
 
 A week end back to Nature. I see. But I haven't 
 the time to waste, Long-Legs. My schedule is full. 
 Have you got a road map or a timetable to show the 
 where-a-bouts of this Beauty Parlor I'm after?
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 197 
 
 MARY 
 
 There's the road to Bambury Cross, but you'd better 
 go there horse-back, and it's three score ten miles to 
 Babylon, though you can get there by candle-light. 
 And there's Gloster, though it's apt to be rainy, where 
 Dr. Foster always goes but I never heard of the 
 Beauty Parlor you speak of. 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 
 Nor of the hidden Spring in the secret island that 
 I must find I'll be bound. A wretched, weak-kneed 
 lot. 
 
 TROUBADOUR 
 
 Nor of the purpled cataract that licks the moon. 
 The moon does not shine on this garden. 
 
 SIMON 
 
 One t)f our cows once jumped over the moon. Hey- 
 diddle-Diddle's cow it was. 
 
 VICTORIA 
 
 Nor have they heard of our Crystal Palace. (She 
 vj^eeps into her handkerchief.} And we will pass away 
 if we do not find it! 
 
 HERO 
 
 (Petting her} 
 
 My dearest Victoria, whatever happens, we will be 
 genteel. 
 
 JAMES 
 
 (Looking up} 
 That word. That word. I must rouse myself.
 
 ig8 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 It is the grave of all intellectuality, and I approach 
 it if I do not find the remedy I seek. (He puts his 
 book in his pocket.) Tell me, young woman. (He 
 turns to MARY.) How can I find the way to the fount 
 that I seek? I believe it is almost a metaphorical 
 fount, being merely the flow of wisdom and words 
 which emanates from some great soul, for the best 
 things are always clothed in metaphors. Have you 
 seen such a great soul as would give strength to a poor 
 dealer in words for alas, that is what I am. The 
 world is passing me by, and as its strength ebbs away 
 from me, I feel I have only dry words left. And I 
 would live again. 
 
 SIMON 
 
 (Edging up sympathetically) 
 
 If I were you, Sir, I would ask the others you meet 
 on the road. They be simple folk, but might tell you 
 something. Some are peddlers like yourself like the 
 Pieman, and there's even the Pussy Cat who's been to 
 London and seen the Queen, and Wee Willie Winkie, 
 who runs through the towns at night. He knows a 
 great deal. 
 
 JAMES 
 
 (With a weary sigh) 
 
 But I am very weary and confused. My words 
 seem to trip me 
 
 SIMON 
 
 It might depend on how you start, Sir " There 
 was a crooked man, and he went a crooked mile and 
 he found a crooked sixpence "
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 199 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 
 (Interrupting with a roar} 
 
 And are any of these travelers seafaring men? Do 
 they know of the Far Volcano with the inner hidden 
 spring I seek? 
 
 SIMON 
 
 There's Robinson Crusoe Island, Sir. But that's 
 pretty well explored. And then there's Bobby Shaf- 
 toe He went to sea Silver buckles on his knee. 
 Pretty Bobby Shaftoe. 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 (Springing up) 
 
 S'Blood! I'll not be choked with Nursery Tales. 
 Where is that island of mine? 
 
 TROUBADOUR 
 
 (Getting up, and approaching, with his LADY) 
 No. First where is our fountain of scarlet and pur 
 ple? It grows late. The mists fill the woods, and 
 the troubadour perishes of the cold and dark unless he 
 warms his throat with the drink of the eternal purple 
 fountain. 
 
 VICTORIA 
 
 And it's a fountain we seek too in a Palace. 
 Surely every one knows the way to the Crystal Palace 
 It must be there. 
 
 AINSLEE 
 
 Speed it up Kid. Give me the number and I'll 
 whistle for a taxi. All I want is the address of the 
 Permanent Beauty Parlor
 
 200 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 JAMES 
 
 (Pressing on MARY) 
 
 Just one moment, my worthy girl, if you will be so 
 kind as to direct me to the fount 
 
 MARY 
 
 (Bewildered) 
 
 Please sirs Please, ma'm Please kindly. 
 One at a time. 
 
 SIMON 
 
 I never knew there were so many different foun 
 tains, Sir. I never knew any fountain but this, Sir. 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 Brainless jelly-fish! 
 
 TROUBADOUR 
 Poor innocent! 
 
 JAMES 
 You are unenlightened, my simple child 
 
 SIMON 
 
 What is the name of your Fountain, Sir? You 
 find so many names, I should think you would hardly 
 know it yourself, Sir. 
 
 JAMES 
 
 The name, my good boy, the simple name which in 
 innocence, was given to the miraculous fountain which 
 cures all ills, and is no doubt now clad in quite another 
 and more subtle guise, is the Fountain of Youth. It 
 is that, alas which I seek.
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 201 
 
 VICTORIA 
 
 What! Hero! I faint! (She collapses into 
 HERO'S arms.) Our fountain! We will have to 
 share the crystal Palace, and not live there in an 
 eternal honeymoon. I cannot bear it! 
 
 HERO 
 
 (Clutching her) 
 Brace yourself in this serious crisis, Victoria. 
 
 TROUBADOUR 
 
 The Fountain of Youth! It is that Fountain we 
 seek! The Purple Cataract which springs to the 
 stars No one but Poets dare find it No one 
 but Lovers can drink it 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 
 S'Blood! Will you discover my Island and my 
 Spring before I do ? The Fountain of Youth. 'Twas 
 the very Name. The very Fount I seek. Who has 
 revealed the secret Who that I may slit his 
 throat! (He glares about with his hand on his cut 
 lass. ) 
 
 AlNSLEE 
 
 Say Bring the check I'll be trotting. The 
 Fountain of Youth! Why, that's the name of the 
 Permanent Beauty Joint I'm looking for. Don't tell 
 me you're all going there too. Not but what a little 
 cold cream and curling irons wouldn't help you but 
 I don't want the hours all booked up, and the right 
 syrup in the fountain run out, before I get there. So 
 long Old dears (She starts to go.)
 
 202 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 VICTORIA 
 
 Hero ! Don't let her go ! That kind always super 
 sedes us! (She weeps, and pulls HERO towards the 
 gate. ) 
 
 AlNSLEE 
 
 (Pushing past her) 
 
 That kind indeed! I guess the Fountain of Youth 
 is free to whoever finds it and me a perfect lady! 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 
 (Elbowing past them both) 
 Adventure is ever first on the field ! 
 
 JAMES 
 
 If you will allow me. I think I must be departing. 
 That fountain is really a necessity to me 
 
 TROUBADOUR 
 (Leading his LADY out) 
 
 It is the wine of Life to the Troubadour. Without 
 it I perish. Already I stagger by the way 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 (Thrusting them aside) 
 
 Sentimental rubbish ! Oblivion waits for you 
 (He glares about.) And for all else that is not red- 
 blooded. I am hearty with oaths. I am thick with 
 energy. One drop from the Fountain of Youth is all 
 that Adventure needs to make him and his Tales live 
 forever Out of my way. And stay here till I am 
 gone or your heads will answer for it
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 203 
 
 JAMES 
 
 (Tremulously) 
 
 But culture culture and language that cannot 
 wait while a Penny Melodrama eats up the precious 
 fluid which would give life to me and my many, 
 many words 
 
 AlNSLEE 
 
 Can the rough stuff and the high-brow too. Do 
 you think Ainslee McClure can wait? Why the pub 
 lic may even now be dropping me. This is on the 
 level. I need that Fountain cure. 
 
 TROUBADOUR 
 (Hastily dragging his LADY away from the crowd and 
 
 towards the gate} 
 
 Come. Avante. Avante. Before the vulgar mob 
 drinks the Poet's fountain dry and leaves the Trouba 
 dour to perish. 
 
 SIMON 
 
 (Blocking his way) 
 But, kind Sir Have you any penny? 
 
 MARY 
 
 Yes please, Sir you have eaten of our Black 
 Bird Pie and drunk our King Cole Ale 
 
 TROUBADOUR 
 ( With a wild gesture, making for the gate and pushing 
 
 her aside) 
 We have sung for it. We have no money
 
 204 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 TROUBADOUR'S LADY 
 
 The Fountain the Fountain. I must reach it or 
 I faint Water water 
 
 MARY 
 
 Running to her solicitously) 
 
 Oh, I am sorry. -We will not charge anything if 
 you have no penny. But will you not rest and have 
 a drink of our fountain water? It is so cool and 
 clear 
 
 TROUBADOUR 
 
 It must be Purple shot with stars Farewell, 
 Simple Maid. (He goes out the gate.) We were 
 but beggars that came to your door But when we 
 drink of the Fountain of Youth we return kings! 
 (They go off through the wood.) 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 
 Here stop there. S'blood! S'death! S'blood! 
 They escape me! (He starts after them.) 
 
 SIMON 
 
 (Stopping him) 
 
 But you, Sir, have a penny. And you had Jack 
 Horner Pie, and a Plum Pudding too. The Lion 
 beat the Unicorn all round the town for less 
 
 ADVENTURE 
 
 And I'll beat you all round the town unless you 
 stand aside. Here (He plunges his hands and 
 throws out some coins.) Doubloons Pieces of 
 Eight Spanish Gold! What are they to Adven-
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 205 
 
 ture if he loses the Fountain of Youth and founders in 
 oblivion? You, who would keep him with milk and 
 water! S'blood! S'death! I am not a beggar 
 ye dogs! (He strides out.) 
 
 SIMON 
 
 " Hark hark, the dogs do bark, the beggars have 
 come to town. Some in rags and some in tags, and 
 some in velvet gown " 
 
 JAMES 
 
 If you will pardon me I must really journey for 
 ward in search of the flow of Youth which comes from 
 the Fountain I 
 
 VICTORIA 
 Dearest Hero. Lend me your arm. 
 
 JAMES 
 
 (Getting to the gate) 
 Good-day, Good-day. 
 
 MARY 
 
 (Running after him) 
 
 But will you not wait and ask Mother Goose, Sir? 
 She is very old, Sir, and very wise? 
 
 JAMES 
 
 Nursery Tales. Nursery Tales. (He goes off 
 through the wood shaking his head.) 
 
 VICTORIA 
 Quick Dearest Hero. Those dreadful people
 
 206 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 will drink our fountain and turn us out of our own 
 Crystal Palace 
 
 SIMON 
 
 But, ma'm, you have not eaten your curds and whey 
 and Miss Muffit made it especially for you 
 
 AINSLEE 
 
 (Seizing the opportunity to push by to the gate) 
 So long then. I'm off. 
 
 MARY 
 
 Don't you think you might perhaps stay, ma'm? So 
 many are going and we have such a nice little foun 
 tain here. And if you all go off I don't know what I 
 will say to Mother Goose, and she so particular about 
 accounts and all Don't you think, ma'm, you could 
 try our fountain 
 
 AINSLEE 
 
 Nothing doing. Sorry. Tell the Old Lady I had 
 a date. (She goes off hastily through the wood.) 
 
 SIMON 
 
 (Ruminatively) 
 
 " The greedy man is he who sits 
 And bites bits out of plates 
 Or else takes up an almanac 
 And gobbles all the dates " 
 
 That Captain broke a plate. (He carefully 
 picks up the pieces of a plate that ADVENTURE shoved 
 off the table in his hurry.) And a flagon too. To
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 207 
 
 say nothing of spilling all the water worse than Jack 
 and Jill and he only left three bits 
 
 VICTORIA 
 
 (At the gate with HERO) 
 
 Good-by. I will send you a little gilt souvenir from 
 the Crystal Palace. 
 
 MARY 
 
 But please, ma'm. Have you a penny for your curds 
 
 A iii7r\f*\7 r 
 
 VICTORIA 
 
 We come of the best families and are always guests. 
 We never pay. The Fountain of Youth receives only 
 the best families however unfortunate they may be 
 in circumstances (She begins to sniff.} 
 
 HERO 
 But always genteel 
 
 VICTORIA 
 
 Yes always that until the end. Oh, hurry, 
 Hero. I feel very faint. We must find the Foun 
 tain of Youth or I will actually swoon! (They go off 
 through the wood.} 
 
 SIMON 
 (Softly to himself, rubbing one leg against the other, 
 
 and looking after HERO and VICTORIA.) 
 " Goosey goosey Gander Wither dost thou 
 wander? " 
 
 MARY 
 {Coming distractedly down to the table}
 
 208 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 Oh, now there, Simple Simon. Don't you stand 
 there doing nothing on one leg and everything in a 
 clutter. (She begins to pick up the dishes.) Such 
 crazy people I never did see. And what Mother 
 Goose will say with no account made out and I 
 declare (She turns on him.) You haven't been 
 to the Pieman yet. 
 
 SIMON 
 
 " Give me a duck and a drake and a half -penny 
 cake And a penny to pay the old baker " 
 
 MARY 
 
 How can I when nobody paid for their cakes but 
 with three foreign pennies? (She wrings her hands.) 
 (MOTHER GOOSE enters briskly through the 
 gate. She is clad in a long red cape over her 
 dark dress with its full white apron, and wears 
 the high pointed MOTHER GOOSE black hat 
 over her frilled white cap. Her face is 
 wrinkled but pink cheeked and healthy, and 
 though she leans on a stick, she moves briskly 
 and decidedly.) 
 
 MOTHER GOOSE 
 
 What's this? What's this? Mary, Mary Contrary, 
 and Simple Simon and the tables all in a clutter? 
 Have we had guests? 
 
 SIMON 
 
 Yes. And they were so strange. As strange as the 
 Man in the Wilderness who asked how many straw 
 berries grew in the sea?
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 209 
 
 MOTHER GOOSE 
 
 And did you answer as proper, as you have been 
 taught " As many as red herrings grow in the 
 wood?" 
 
 SIMON 
 
 I tried, but they all talked at once They did not 
 seem to care about listening 
 
 MARY 
 
 And they wanted to find the oddest place 
 Crystal Palaces and Volcanos and Purple Springs 
 
 SIMON 
 
 (With a rush} 
 
 And though they all seemed so different it was the 
 same place they were after after all, though they none 
 of them would admit it, and they were as cross as 
 Cross-Patch when they found out, and all took differ 
 ent roads And would not stop in our garden 
 
 MOTHER GOOSE 
 (Shaking her head) 
 
 Oh la-la That's what happens when people's 
 minds get all overgrown and twisted When they 
 outgrow Mother Goose's garden and don't see what's 
 before their noses 
 
 MARY 
 
 (Breathlessly) 
 
 And they only left three strange foreign pennies for 
 pay 
 
 MOTHER GOOSE 
 Each man pays in his own coin and is paid like-
 
 2IO 
 
 wise. (She slips the pennies left by ADVENTURE in 
 her pocket.) 
 
 MARY 
 
 And where were they going 
 
 SIMON 
 And will they get there? 
 
 MOTHER GOOSE 
 Who knows ? " The King of France went up the 
 
 hill 
 
 With twenty thousand men. 
 The King of France came down the hill, 
 And ne'er went up again." 
 
 The Flower of Hearts Desire grows in this very 
 garden if they had not traveled too fast and been 
 too wise to see it 
 
 (There comes a boy's voice singing beyond the 
 gate ) 
 
 VOICE 
 
 " Rock-a-by baby, thy cradle is green, 
 Father's a nobleman, mother's a queen, 
 And Betty's a lady and wears a gold ring 
 And Johnny's a drummer and drums for the 
 King" 
 
 MARY 
 It's little Tommy Tucker 
 
 SIMON 
 Singing for his supper
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 211 
 
 MOTHER GOOSE 
 Shall we give him some 
 
 MARY 
 Oh, yes White Bread and Butter 
 
 SIMON 
 And Diddle, Diddle Dumplings 
 
 MOTHER GOOSE 
 And water from Mother Goose's fountain. 
 
 MARY 
 
 (Clearing away the table} 
 Yes the others would not drink it 
 
 (A veil of twilight has crept over the garden, 
 softening the vividness of its green, and filling 
 the wood beyond with mists. Little TOMMY 
 TUCKER, a very little boy in blue Greenaway 
 dress, with a wide white neck frill appears at 
 the gate, his hands behind him, singing.) 
 
 TOMMY TUCKER 
 
 " Hush-a-by, baby, on the tree top 
 When the wind blows the cradle will rock 
 When the bough breaks the cradle will fall 
 And down will come baby cradle and all " 
 
 MOTHER GOOSE 
 
 They wouldn't drink my fountain eh? Well 
 they will find no better one. For this is the fountain 
 of all young things and those who drink of Mother
 
 212 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 
 
 Goose's fountain never grow old never grow old. 
 I suppose that was not what they wanted eh ? 
 
 SIMON 
 
 (Twisting on one leg) 
 They didn't seem to know exactly what they wanted. 
 
 MOTHER GOOSE 
 
 Ah, well there are many springs to the Fountain 
 of Youth but this in my garden is the first one. 
 My children are forever young. Are they all safe 
 Is Little Boy Blue home from the Haystacks? Has 
 Bo-Peep brought in her sheep? 
 
 SIMON 
 
 Yes but Daffy-down-dilly has not finished her 
 new yellow dress and Johnny is not back from the 
 fair with the blue ribbons. 
 
 MOTHER GOOSE 
 
 (Turning) 
 We must see to them. 
 
 TOMMY TUCKER 
 
 (Singing softly) 
 
 " Come to the window my baby with me 
 And look at the stars that shine in the sea " 
 
 MOTHER GOOSE 
 (As she turns, with SIMON) 
 
 Come in, Tommy Tucker. Come in. It is almost 
 time for the Man in the Moon to come down 
 
 (MOTHER GOOSE, with SIMON on one side, and
 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 213 
 
 MARY bearing a tray of dishes, on the other, 
 turns to go slowly out of the garden. The 
 twilight deepens.) 
 
 MARY 
 
 And the poor wayfarers out in the woods 
 
 MOTHER GOOSE 
 They will find wisdom by the way 
 
 SIMON 
 And our garden will be alone in the dark 
 
 MOTHER GOOSE 
 The Fountain of Youth will watch over it 
 
 (They go slowly towards the arbor. Little 
 TOMMY TUCKER comes in through the gate, 
 slowly, and still singing follows them. A big 
 round moon rises behind the trees, and the tip 
 of the fountain glitters silver in its light.) 
 
 TOMMY TUCKER 
 
 (Singing) 
 
 " There are two little stars that play bo-peep 
 With two little fish, far down in the deep. 
 And two little frogs cry-neap-neap-neap " 
 
 (MOTHER GOOSE, and SIMON and MARY, dis 
 appear through the arbor, TOMMY TUCKER 
 follows, his voice lingering after he has gone.) 
 " There are two little stars that play bo-peep 
 And I see a dear baby that should be asleep "
 
 214 MOTHER G< AKDKN 
 
 FOR OUTDOOR PRODUCTION OF 
 MOTHER GOOSE GARI 
 
 Any garden with a fountain could be u>ed for this 
 If a fountain is not available, a bird bath, 
 thickly hedged with flowers might be used. 
 
 For extra people, to make more of a pageant, there 
 might be other Mother Goose characters introduced 
 for instance a row of Mary Contrary*' "pretty 
 maids." They could stand behind a flower bnl, and 
 she water them. The Pieman, could pass through the 
 wood ringing his bell, and at the end, a lot of Mother 
 Goose characters, troop in to go into the Inn. 
 
 FOR INDOOR PRODUCTION 
 
 Any pretty garden scene, brightly colored, with a 
 little white gate at the back leading into a green wood 
 land. At the side there might be a little red peaked 
 gabled house, with the MOTHER GOOSE INN 
 sign swinging over the door. If the fountain is diffi 
 cult to manage, a rustic well would do.
 
 3 115801015 3996 
 
 
 AA 000261555