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ETIQUETTE; 
 
 OR, A GUIDE TO 
 
 THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 WITH 
 
 A GLANCE AT BAD HABITS. 
 
 MANNERS MAKE THE MAN." 
 
 BY COUNT ALFRED D'ORSAY. 
 
 TO WHICH IS ADDED 
 THE TRUE THEORY OF 
 
 THE RHENISH OR SPANISH WALTZ, 
 
 AND OF 
 
 THE GERMAN WALTZ A. DEUX TEMPS. 
 
 ANALYZED AND EXPLAINED FOR THE FIRST TIME. 
 
 Waltzing is the art of a gentleman, and never yet was taught or understood by 
 dancing-master. 
 
 NEW YORK: 
 
 PUBLISHED BY WILSON & COMPANY, 
 162 NASSAU STREET. 
 
 STEREOTYPED BY REDFIELD AND SAVAGE. 
 
 MDCCCXLIII. 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 This is not written for those who do, but for those who do 
 not, know what is proper, comprising a large portion of highly 
 respectable and estimable people, who have not had an oppor- 
 tunity of becoming acquainted with the usages of the (so 
 termed) "best society;" therefore, do not let the "select" 
 sneer, and say, " Oh, everybody knows that; there is nothing 
 new here." Even they may be mistaken, and many may profit 
 who will not choose to own how much they are indebted to this 
 little book. 
 
 It would be absurd to suppose, that those persons who con- 
 stitute the upper ranks of the middle classes in London are 
 ignorant of the regulations here laid down : but in the country 
 (especially in the mercantile districts), where the tone of society 
 is altogether lower, it is far otherwise, although country people 
 may not feel inclined to acknowledge what is, nevertheless, 
 strictly true. 
 
 If the publication of this work saves the blush but upon one 
 cheek, or smooths the path into " society" of only one honest 
 family, the object of the author will be attained. 
 
 London, August 20, 1843. 
 
ETIQUETTE, 
 
 AND 
 
 THE USAGES OF SOCIETY, 
 
 GENERAL OBSERVATIONS. 
 
 Etiquette is the barrier which society draws around itself 
 as a protection against offences the "law" can not touch — it is 
 a shield against the intrusion of the impertinent, the improper, 
 and the vulgar — a guard against those obtuse persons who, 
 having neither talent nor delicacy, would be continually thrust- 
 ing themselves into the society of men to whom their presence 
 might (from the difference of feeling and habit) be offensive, 
 and even insupportable. 
 
 Many unthinking persons consider the observance of Etiquette 
 to be nonsensical and unfriendly, as consisting of unmeaning 
 forms, practised only by the silly and the idle; an opinion which 
 arises from their not having reflected on the reasons that have 
 led to the establishment of certain rules indispensable to the 
 well-being of society, and without which, indeed, it would 
 inevitably fall to pieces, and be destroyed. 
 
 Much misconstruction and unpleasant feeling arise, especially 
 in country towns, from not knowing what is "expected " or 
 necessary to be done on certain occasions, resulting sometimes 
 frorr the prevalence of local customs, with which the world in 
 general are not supposed to be acquainted. 
 
 Besides, in a mercantile country like our own, people are 
 continually rising in the world. Shopkeepers become mer- 
 chants, and mechanics manufacturers ; with the possession of 
 wealth, they acquire a taste for the luxuries of life, expensive 
 
4 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 furniture, gorgeous plate, and also numberless superfluities, 
 with the use of which they are only imperfectly acquainted. 
 But, although their capacities for enjoyment increase, it rarely 
 happens that the polish of their manners keeps pace with the 
 rapidity of their advancement: hence such persons are often 
 painfully reminded that wealth alone is insufficient to protect 
 diem from the mortifications which a limited acquaintance with 
 society entails upon the ambitious. Pride often deters people 
 from seeking the advice of the experienced, when the opportu- 
 nity of receiving it is presented. It is to be hoped that the 
 following remarks will furnish a guide through the intricacies 
 of conventional usage, without risk to the sensitive, or the hu- 
 miliation of publicly proclaiming the deficiencies of an imper- 
 fect education. 
 
 In all cases t the observances of the Metropolis (as the seat 
 of refinement) should be received as the standard of good 
 breeding. 
 
INTRODUCTIONS. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 INTRODUCTIONS. 
 
 Never "introduce" people to each other, without a previous 
 understanding that it will be agreeable to both. 
 
 There are many reasons why people ought never to be intro- 
 duced to the acquaintance of each other, without the consent 
 of each party previously obtained. A man may suit the taste, 
 and be agreeable enough to one, without being equally so to the 
 rest of his friends — nay, as it often happens, he may be decidedly 
 unpleasing ; a stupid person may be delighted with the society 
 of a man of learning or talent, to whom in return such an 
 acquaintance may prove an annoyance and a clog, as one inca- 
 pable of offering an interchange of thought, or an idea worth 
 listening to. 
 
 But if you should find an agreeable person in private society , 
 who seems desirous of making your acquaintance, there can not 
 be any objection to your meeting his advances half way, although 
 the ceremony of an "introduction" may not have taken place, 
 his presence in your friend's house being a sufficient guaranty 
 for his respectability, as, of course, if he were an improper per- 
 son he would not be there. 
 
 Should you, while walking with your friend, meet an ac- 
 quaintance, never introduce them. 
 
 If you meet a male acquaintance giving his arm to a lady> 
 take off your hat to him, instead of nodding — as this last 
 familiar mode of recognition looks disrespectful toward her. 
 
 In making " introductions," take care to present the person 
 of the lower rank to him of the higher : that is, the commoner 
 should be presented to the peer, not the peer to the commoner; 
 
6 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 Dr. A. to Lord B., not Lord B. to Dr. A. Observe the same 
 rule with ladies — the lady (as a female) claiming the highest 
 rank, it is to tier the gentleman must be presented, not the lady 
 to the gentleman. 
 
 Be cautious how you take an intimate friend uninvited even 
 to the house of those with whom you may be equally intimate, 
 as there is always a feeling of jealousy that another should share 
 your thoughts and feelings to the same extent as themselves, 
 although good breeding will induce them to behave civilly to 
 your friend on your account. 
 
 Friendship springs up from sources so subtle and undefinable, 
 that it can not be forced into particular channels; and whenever 
 the attempt has been made, it has usually been unsuccessful. 
 
 Never make acquaintances in coffee-houses or other public 
 places. As no person who respects himself does so, you may 
 reasonably suspect any advances made to you. 
 
 An adherence to etiquette is a mark of respect; if a man be 
 worth knowing, he is surely worth the trouble to approach prop- 
 erly. It will likewise relieve you from the awkwardness of 
 being acquainted with people of whom you might at times be 
 ashamed, or be obliged under many circumstances to '*€&& 
 
 The act of "cutting" can only be justified by some strong 
 instance of bad conduct in the person to be cut ; a cold bow, 
 which discourages familiarity without offering insult, is the best 
 mode to adopt toward those with whom an acquaintance is not 
 deemed desirable. An increased observance of ceremony is, 
 however, the most delicate way of withdrawing from an acquaint- 
 ance ; and the person so treated must be obtuse, indeed, who 
 does not take the hint. 
 
 A neglect of, or adherence to, the forms of society, in others 
 toward yourself, is oftentimes the only way in which you are 
 enabled to judge if your acquaintance be really considered 
 desirable. You will meet with professions of civility and friend- 
 ship in the world as mere matters of course ; and were you to 
 act upon what people say, instead of what they do, you would 
 
INTRODUCTIONS. 
 
 7 
 
 run a risk of being mortified, which no person of proper pride 
 would choose to encounter, especially if the other party be, or 
 assume to be, of higher rank than yourself. We never knew a 
 person, really desirous of forming a friendship with another, 
 neglect, either by word or deed, the means of accomplishing 
 such an object. 
 
 It is, however, understood in society, that a person who has 
 been properly introduced to you has some claim on your good 
 offices in future ; you can not, therefore, slight him without 
 good reason, and the chance of being called to an account for it. 
 
8 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. 
 
 Letters of Introduction are to be considered as certificates 
 of respectability — as proofs that you are known by the intro- 
 ducer to be a proper person to be admitted into the friendly 
 circle of him to whom you are recommended, without the risk, 
 in these days of elegant exterior, of his harboring a swindler, 
 or losing his silver spoons. 
 
 Many people consider that when they have given a dinner 
 to the stranger they have done enough, and are not required to 
 take any further notice of him, so that, with modern English 
 coldness, "Letters of Introduction" have been facetiously 
 termed " Tickets for Soup," and many sensitive people have, 
 by these degrading considerations, been prevented from present- 
 ing them. It is true, that among people "comme il faut" the 
 new-comer is generally welcomed with a dinner — not for the 
 sake of the entertainment, but as a means of presenting him to 
 a fresh society, and of giving him the opportunity of legiti- 
 mately making the acquaintance of his host's friends invited 
 expressly to meet him ; but, as the only criterion of the estima- 
 tion in which he is held must be the kind of people asked to 
 meet him, be careful not to wound his feelings by inviting those 
 whom he may be likely to consider his inferiors either in merit 
 or position. 
 
 If you have letters of introduction from one friend to 
 another, do not take them, but send them, with your card of ad- 
 dress. If he be a gentleman, he. will return your visit as soon 
 as possible ; at any rate il will give him an option, which by 
 taking your letters in person you do not do, but rather force 
 
LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. V 
 
 yourself upon him whether he will or not. If your letters be 
 on business only, no ceremony is necessary — take them at 
 once. In all such matters never trust to a second that which 
 may be so much better done by yourself. 
 
 There can not be a more awkward situation for both parties 
 than for one person to be waiting while the other is reading a 
 letter with the endeavor to discover who the stranger may be, 
 or a position in which the bearer looks so foolish, or feels so 
 uncomfortable. Then comes the bow, a cold shake of the 
 hand, with the few civil words of course — and all because you 
 come upon a stranger who is unprepared : therefore, give him 
 time to read the letter you bring, and to consider how he may 
 best show his regard for your introducer by his attentions to 
 yourself. 
 
 Observe, that " Letters of Introduction" are never sealed by 
 well-bred people : the seal of the writer is attached to the en- 
 velop — requiring only a little wax to close it — at the option 
 of the person to whom it is confided. 
 
 If a gentleman be the bearer of an "introduction" to you, 
 leave a card with him without fail, if it be only as an acknowl- 
 edgment of having received your friend's letter ; there is no 
 rudeness so great as to leave it unnoticed — it is a slight to the 
 stranger as well as to the introducer, which no subsequent atten- 
 tions will cancel : you are not obliged to invite him, as that is 
 a matter of choice. 
 
 In France, and indeed generally on the continent, it is the 
 established usage that strangers on arriving pay the first visit to 
 residents. In England, with much better taste, the contrary is 
 the rule. A stranger should never be made to feel that he is 
 demanding attentions — but if possessed of true delicacy he 
 would prefer waiting until they are offered. In spite of our own 
 folly in occasionally copying them, the French (with a much 
 greater affectation of jfolitencss) are infinitely inferior to English 
 gentlemen in true good breeding. 
 
 Remember, also, that a letter should never remain unan- 
 
10 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 swered a moment longer than is absolutely unavoidable. Should 
 you not have time to answer it fully, a simple acknowledgment 
 is better than no notice of it at all. 
 
 An adherence to these rules will prevent your exposure to 
 any coldness or slight you might otherwise incur. 
 
 Do not imagine these little ceremonies to be insignificant 
 and beneath your attention ; they are the customs of society; 
 and if you do not conform to them, you will gain the unen- 
 viable distinction of being pointed out as an ignorant, ill-bred 
 person. Not that you may care the more for strangers by 
 showing them civility, but you should scrupulously avoid the 
 imputation of being deficient in good breeding ; and if you do 
 not choose to be polite for their sakes, you ought to be so for 
 your own. 
 
MARRIAGE. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 MARRIAGE. 
 
 When a man marries, it is understood that all former ac- 
 quaintanceship ends, unless he intimate a desire to renew it, by 
 sending you his own and his wife's card, if near, or by letter, if 
 distant. If this be neglected, be sure no further intercourse is 
 desired. 
 
 In the first place — A bachelor is seldom very particular in 
 the choice of his companions. So long as he is amused, he 
 will associate freely enough with those whose morals and habits 
 would point them out as highly dangerous persons to introduce 
 into the sanctity of domestic life. 
 
 Secondly — A married man has the tastes of another to con- 
 sult ; and the friend of the husband may not be equally accept- 
 able to the wife. 
 
 Besides — Newly-married people may wish to limit the circle 
 of their friends, from praiseworthy motives of economy. When 
 a man first "sets uj>" in the world, the burden of an extensive 
 and indiscriminate acquaintance may be felt in various ways. 
 Many have had cause to regret the weakness of mind which 
 allowed them to plunge into a vortex of gayety and expense 
 they could ill afford, from which they have found it difficult to 
 extricate themselves, and the effects of which have proved *» 
 serious evil to them in after-life. 
 
12 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 DINNERS. 
 
 Of the etiquette of a dinner party, it is extremely difficult to 
 say anything, because fashions are continually changing, even 
 at the best tables; and what is considered the height of good 
 taste one year, is declared vulgar the next ; besides which, cer- 
 tain houses and sets have certain customs, peculiar to their own 
 clique, and all who do not conform exactly to their methods are 
 looked upon as vulgar persons, ignorant of good-breeding. 
 This is a mistake commonly fallen into by the little " great"* 
 in the country, where the circle constituting " society" is neces- 
 sarily so small, that its members can not fail to acquire the same 
 habits, feelings, and observances. However, a few hints may 
 not be thrown away, always recollecting that people can only 
 become ridiculous by attempting to be too fine. I am, of 
 course, supposing my readers to be acquainted with the decen- 
 cies of life. 
 
 When the members of the party have all assembled in the 
 drawing-room, the master or mistress of the house will point 
 
 * To avoid misconstruction, it will be as well to define what is meant by the 
 term " little great," beginning by showing what is not. It is not that numerous 
 class (however respectable), professional and mercantile, found in and about 
 every country town ; those merely great little, who, without any other qualifica- 
 tion than the possession of a few thousand pounds, constitute themselves the aris- 
 tocracy of the place : but a very different body — namely, the old, solid, " county 
 people," the descendants of patrician families, the Squirearchy, with incomes of 
 from seven to ten thousands a year, and the customary representatives in parlia- 
 ment (until lately) of their town or county — persons who are of great local 
 influence and importance, on account of their descent and wealth, but who, not- 
 withstanding, become insignificant and merely units in the mass, amidst the 
 brilliant statesmen, the talent, the splendor of rank and fashion, which adorn and 
 elevate the metropolis. 
 
DINNERS. 13 
 
 out which lady you are to take into the dining-room, according 
 to some real or fancied standard of precedence, rank (if there be 
 rank), age, or general importance ; that is, the married before 
 the single, &c. ; or they will show their tact, by making com- 
 panions, those who are most likely to be agreeable to each 
 other. Give the lady the wall coming down stairs, take her 
 into the room, and seat yourself by her side. 
 
 If you pass to dine merely from one room to another, offer 
 your left arm to the lady. 
 
 * Remember that it is the lady who at all times takes prece- 
 dence, not the gentleman. A person led a princess out of the 
 room before her husband (who was doing the same to a lady of 
 lower rank) ; in his over-politeness, he said, " Pardonnez que 
 nous vous precedons," quite forgetting that it was the princess 
 and not he who led the way. 
 
 Well-bred people arrive as nearly at the appointed dinner 
 hour as they can. It is a very vulgar assumption of importance 
 purposely to arrive half an hour behind time ; besides the folly 
 of allowing eight or ten hungry people such a tempting oppor- 
 tunity of discussing your foibles. 
 
 The lady of the house will of course take the head of the 
 table, and the gentleman of the highest rank will sit at her right 
 hand ; the gentleman next in rank will be placed on the left of 
 the hostess, so that she may be supported by the two persons 
 of the most consideration (who will assist her to carve). 
 
 In many houses of distinction, the master and mistress sit 
 vis-a-vis to each other at the middle of the table. 
 
 In nearly all the houses of the nobility, at present, the op- 
 eration of carving is performed at the side table, where the 
 piece de resistance, by which is ' meant the roast joint, is 
 placed. 
 
 It is the custom at present for the lady of the house to follow 
 her guests into the dining-room, except when a prince of the 
 
 * Of those passages marked with an asterisk, the ground-work has been taken 
 from the MS. note-book of a lady of rank. 
 
14 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 royal family is present, who leads out the lady of the house 
 first. 
 
 The gentleman of the house takes the bottom of the table, 
 and on each side of him must be placed the two ladies highest 
 in rank. You will find a party of ten convenient, as it admits 
 of an equal distribution of the sexes : neither two men nor 
 two women like to sit together. 
 
 It is a matter of regret that table napkins are not considered 
 indispensable in England ; for, with all our boasted refinement, 
 they are far from being general. The comfort of napkins at 
 dinner is too obvious to require comment, while the expense 
 can hardly be urged as an objection. If there be not any nap- 
 kins, a man has no alternative but to use the table-cloth, unless 
 (as many do) he prefer his pocket handkerchief — a usage suf- 
 ficiently disagreeable. 
 
 It is considered vulgar to take fish or soup twice. The rea- 
 son for not being helped twice to fish or soup at a large dinner 
 party is — because by doing so you keep three parts of the 
 company staring at you while waiting for the second course, 
 which is spoiling, much to the annoyance of the mistress of the 
 house. The selfish greediness, therefore, of so doing consti- 
 tutes its vulgarity. At a family dinner it is of less importance, 
 and is consequently often done. 
 
 Do not ask any lady to take wine, until you see that she has 
 finished her fish or soup. This exceedingly absurd and trou- 
 blesome custom is very properly giving way at the best tables 
 to the more reasonable one of the gentleman helping the lady 
 to wine next to whom he may be seated, or a servant will hand 
 it round. But if either a lady or a gentleman be invited to 
 take wine at table, they must never refuse ; it is very gauche so 
 to do. They need not drink half a glass with each person, but 
 merely taste of it. 
 
 Asking ladies to take wine is now quite exploded. It is 
 merely offered by the gentlemen who sit next to them ; but if 
 you are in a country house where the custom is retained, it 
 
DINNERS. 15 
 
 would be better breeding to follow the fashion of the place, 
 rather than, by an omission of what your entertainer considers 
 civility, to prove him, in the face of his guests, to be either ig- 
 norant or vulgar. 
 
 It is considered well bred to take the same wine as that se- 
 lected by the person with whom you drink, the choice being 
 left to the person highest in rank, or most advanced in age. 
 When, however, the wine chosen by him is unpalatable to you, 
 it is allowable to take that which you prefer, prefacing it with, 
 11 Will you permit me to drink claret, sherry," &c. 
 
 At every respectable table you will find silver forks ; being 
 broader, they are in all respects more convenient than steel for 
 fish or vegetables. Steel forks, except for carving, are now 
 never placed on the table. 
 
 At family dinners, where the common household bread is 
 used, it should never be cut less than an inch and a half thick. 
 There is nothing more plebeian than thin bread at dinner. 
 
 Never use your knife to convey your food to your mouth, 
 under any circumstances ; it is unnecessary, and glaringly vul- 
 gar. Feed yourself with a fork or spoon, nothing else — a knife 
 is only to be used for cutting. 
 
 If at dinner you are requested to help any one to sauce, do 
 not pour it over the meat or vegetables, but on one side. If 
 you should have to carve and help a joint, do not load a per- 
 son's plate — it is vulgar: also in serving soup, one ladleful to 
 each plate is sufficient. 
 
 Fish should always be helped with a silver fish-slice, and 
 your own portion of it divided by the fork aided by a piece of 
 bread. 
 
 The application of a knife to fish is likely to destroy the del- 
 icacy of" its flavor ; besides which, fish sauces are often acidu- 
 lated; acids corrode steel, and draw from it a disagreeable 
 taste. In the North, where lemon or vinegar is very generally 
 used for salmon and many other kinds of fish, the objection be- 
 comes more apparent. 
 
16 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 Eat peas with a dessert spoon ; and curry also. Tarts and 
 puddings are to be eaten with a spoon.* 
 
 As a general rule — in helping any one at table, never use a 
 knife where you can use a spoon. 
 
 Making a noise in chewing, or breathing hard in eating, are 
 both unseemly habits, and ought to be eschewed. 
 
 Many people make a disgusting noise with their lips by in- 
 haling their breath strongly while taking soup — a habit which 
 should be carefully avoided. 
 
 * You can not use your knife, or fork, or teeth too quietly. 
 Do not press people to eat more than they appear to like, nor 
 
 insist upon their tasting of any particular dish : you may so far 
 recommend one, as to mention that it is considered " excellent." 
 Remember that tastes differ, and viands which please you, may 
 be objects of dislike to others; and that in consequence of your 
 urgency, very young or very modest people may feel themselves 
 compelled to partake of what may be most disagreeable to 
 them. 
 
 * Do not pick your teeth much at table, as, however satisfac- 
 tory a practice to yourself, to witness it is not at all pleasant. 
 
 Ladies should never dine with their gloves on — unless their 
 hands are not fit to be seen. 
 
 Servants occasionally wait at table in clean white gloves $ 
 there are few things more disagreeable than the thumb of a 
 clumsy waiter in your plate. 
 
 The custom, however of servants waiting at table in gloves 
 has never been adopted in the mansions of people of distinc- 
 tion. A white damask napkin, in which his thumb is enveloped, 
 is given to each servant, and this effectually precludes its con- 
 tact with your plate. 
 
 Glass wine-coolers, half filled with water, should be placed 
 next each person at table. 
 
 * By a step in pseudo refinement, the etiquette of 1839 pronounces that the 
 use of a spoon for these purposes must be carefully avoided at dinner, it being 
 only admissible for soups and ices. 
 
DINNERS. 17 
 
 Finger glasses, filled with warm water, come on with the 
 dessert. Wet a corner of your napkin, and wipe your mouth, 
 then rinse your fingers ; but do not practise the filthy custom 
 of gargling your mouth at table, albeit the usage prevails among 
 a few, who think that because it is a foreign habit it can not be 
 disgusting. 
 
 The custom of drinking toasts, and of forcing people to drink 
 bumper after bumper of wine until drunkenness results, is quite 
 banished from gentlemanly society to its proper place — the tavern. 
 It arises from a mistaken idea of making visiters welcome : the 
 amphitryon of the feast overlooking the fact of its being much 
 more hospitable to allow his guests to do as they please, and 
 to take only as much wine as they may feel convenient or 
 agreeable. It is but a miserable boast, that a man has suf- 
 cient strength of stomach to sit his companions " under the 
 table." 
 
 * Never pare an apple or a pear for a* lady unless she desire 
 you, and then be careful to use your fork to hold it : you may 
 sometimes offer to divide a very large pear with or for a person. 
 « At some of the best houses, coffee is brought into the dining- 
 room before the gentlemen quit the table — a very good custom, 
 as it gently prevents excess, the guests retiring to the ladies 
 immediately afterward ; it also allows those who have other 
 engagements to take coffee before they quit the house. Coffee 
 should be brought in at an hour previously appointed, without 
 the bell being rung for it, but a sufficient interval must be 
 allowed, lest the host seem chary of his wine. For instance, 
 nine o'clock is a good hour, if the dinner were at six ; or ten 
 o'clock for one which commenced at seven. 
 
 At present, coffee is not brought into the dining-room in 
 fashionable houses, except when a small party, intending to go 
 to a theatre, are pressed for time — it is always served in the 
 drawing-room. Nevertheless, the former is a very excellent 
 arrangement in country houses, for very obvious reasons. 
 
 Coffee, 071 the continent, and sometimes in this country, is 
 
 2 
 
18 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 followed by liqueurs of two or three kinds, which are left to the 
 choice of the guests, and are poured into very small glasses — 
 an unnecessary custom, not to be advocated in respectable, but 
 only in " high" society. 
 
 Do not suppose that it will exalt you in the opinion of others 
 by speaking harshly and imperatively to servants, or add at all 
 to your consequence. Never order other people's servants 
 about. At a strange table, say " if you please," and " thank 
 you:" it may be said in a manner that will not encourage 
 familiarity. 
 
 Should your servants break anything while you are at table, 
 never turn round, or inquire into the particulars, however 
 annoyed you may feel. If your servants betray stupidity or 
 awkwardness in waiting on your guests, avoid reprimanding 
 them publicly, as it only draws attention to their errors, and 
 adds to their embarrassment. 
 
 Nothing indicates a well- bred man more than a proper mode 
 of eating his dinner. A man may pass muster by dressing well, 
 and may sustain himself tolerably in conversation ; but if he be 
 not perfectly " au fait," dinner will betray him. 
 
 It is a piece of superlative folly for men who dine at a house 
 to take their round hats into the drawing-room : it answers no 
 purpose at all; and the necessity of giving them to a servant on 
 entering the dinner room creates confusion. Men of fashion, 
 nevertheless, invariably take their hats into the drawing-room, 
 where they are left when people go to dinner, and whence they 
 are removed by the servants, and placed in the ante-room, or 
 vestibule. 
 
 Invitations to dine should be answered to the lady. Invita- 
 tions to a ball should be in the lady's name, and the answer, of 
 course, sent to her. 
 
 It is customary, when you have been out dining, to leave a 
 card upon the lady the next day, or as soon after as may be 
 convenient. 
 
 Attentions of this sort are not to be expected from profes- 
 
DINNERS. 19 
 
 sional men, as doctors, lawyers, &c., their time being too valu- 
 able to sacrifice in making visits of mere ceremony ; therefore, 
 do not attribute such omission to any want of respect, but to 
 its proper cause — time more usefully occupied* 
 
 When a man is about to be married, he usually gives a din- 
 ner to his bachelor friends ; which is understood to be their 
 conge, unless he choose to renew their acquaintance. 
 
20 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 SMOKING. 
 
 If you are so unfortunate as to have contracted the low 
 habit of smoking, be careful to practise it under certain restric- 
 tions ; at least so long as you are desirous of being considered 
 fit for civilized society. 
 
 The first mark of a gentleman is a sensitive regard for the 
 feelings of others ; therefore, smoke where it is least likely to 
 prove offensive by making your clothes smell ; then wash your 
 mouth and brush your teeth. What man of delicacy could 
 presume to address a lady with his breath smelling of onions ? 
 Yet tobacco is equally odious. The tobacco smoker, in public, 
 is the most selfish animal imaginable ; he perseveres in con- 
 taminating the pure and fragrant air, careless whom he annoys, 
 and is but the fitting inmate of a tavern. 
 
 Smoking in the streets, or in a theatre, is only practised by 
 shop-boys, pseudo-fashionables — and the "swell mob." 
 
 All songs that you may see written in praise of smoking in 
 magazines or newspapers, or hear sung upon the stage, are 
 puffs, paid for by the proprietors of cigar divans and tobacco 
 shops, to make their trade popular; therefore, never believe 
 nor be deluded by them. 
 
 Never be seen in cigar divans or billiard rooms ; they are fre- 
 quented, at best, by an equivocal set. Nothing good can be 
 gained there ; and a man loses his respectability by being seen 
 entering or coming out of such places. 
 
SNUFF. 21 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 SNUFF. 
 
 As snuff-taking is merely an idle, dirty habit, practised by 
 stupid people in the unavailing endeavor to clear their stolid 
 intellect, and is not a custom particularly offensive to their 
 neighbors, it may be left to each individual taste as to whether 
 it be continued or not. An " elegant" can not take much 
 snuff without decidedly " losing caste." 
 
 " Doctor," said an old gentleman, who was an inveterate 
 snuff-taker, to a physician, " is it true that snuff destroys the 
 olfactory nerves, clogs, and otherwise injures the brain?" "It 
 can not be true," was the caustic reply, " since those who have 
 any brains never take snuff at all" 
 
22 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 FASHION. 
 
 But few things betray greater imbecility of mind than a ser- 
 vile imitation of the extravagancies of any fashionable monster. 
 A man possessed of the delicate and proper feelings of a gen* 
 tleman would deem himself degraded by copying another, even 
 to the curling of a whisker, or the tie of a cravat ; as, by so 
 doing, he could only show the world of how little importance 
 he felt himself, and the very poor opinion he entertained of his 
 own taste. 
 
 Fashion and gentility are very distinct things— for which 
 reason, people, really of the highest rank, are too proud to be- 
 come martyrs to any prevailing mode ; and the man of true 
 taste will limit his compliance with the caprices of fashion to 
 not appearing equally conspicuous for its utter neglect. 
 
DRESS. 23 
 
 CHAPTER VIIL 
 
 DRESS. 
 
 It is bad taste to dress in the extreme of fashion ; and, in 
 general, those only do so who have no other claim to distinc- 
 tion — leave it, in these times, to shopmen and pickpockets. 
 There are certain occasions, however, when you may dress as 
 gayly as you please, observing the maxim of the ancient poet, 
 to be " great on great occasions." Men often think when they 
 wear a fashionably cut coat, an embroidered waistcoat, with a 
 profusion of chains and other trinkets, that they are well 
 dressed, entirely overlooking the less obtrusive, but more cer- 
 tain, marks of a refined taste. The grand points are — well- 
 made shoes, clean gloves, a white pocket handkerchief, and, 
 above all, an easy and graceful deportment. 
 
 Do not affect singularity in dress, by wearing out-of-the-way 
 hats, or gaudy waistcoats, &c, and so become contemptibly con- 
 spicuous ; nothing is more easy than to attract attention in such 
 a manner, since it requires neither sense nor taste. A shrewd 
 old gentleman said of one of these "ninnies," that "he would 
 rather be taken for a fool, than not be noticed at all" 
 
 A dress perfectly suited to a tall good-looking man, may 
 render one who is neither ridiculous ; as although the former 
 may wear a remarkable waistcoat or singular coat, almost with 
 impunity, the latter, by adopting a similar costume, exposes 
 himself to the laughter of all who see him. An unassuming 
 simplicity in dress should always be preferred, as it prepossesses 
 every one in favor of the wearer. 
 
 Never affect the " ruffianly" style of dress, unless, as some 
 excuse, you hold a brilliant position in society. A nobleman, 
 
24 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 or an exceedingly elegant and refined man, is sometimes foolish 
 enough to disguise himself, and assume the "ruffian," as it 
 amuses him to mark the surprise of people at the contrast be- 
 tween his abearance and his manners ; but if you have no such 
 pretensions, let your costume be as unostentatious as possible, 
 lest people only remark that " your dress is as coarse as your 
 mind" 
 
 Always wear your gloves in church or in a theatre. 
 
 Avoid wearing jewellery, unless it be in very good taste, and 
 then only at proper seasons. This is the age of mosaic gold 
 and other trash ; and by dint of swindling, any one may become 
 "flashy" at a small expense. Recollect that every shop-boy 
 can coarsely imitate your " outward and visible sign" if he 
 choose to save his money for that purpose. If you will stand 
 out in " high and bold relief," endeavor to become eminent for 
 some virtue or talent, that people may say, " There goes the 
 celebrated (not the notorious) Mr. So-and-so." 
 
 It is a delicate subject to hint at the incongruities of a lady's 
 dress — yet, alas! it forces itself upon our notice when we see 
 a female attired with elaborate gorgeousness, picking her steps 
 along the sloppy streets, after a week's snow and a three days' 
 thaw, walking in a dress only fit for a carriage. When country 
 people visit London, and see a lady enveloped in ermine and 
 velvets, reclining in a carriage, they are apt to imagine it is the 
 fashionable dress, and adopt it accordingly, overlooking the 
 coronet emblazoned on the pannels, and that its occupant is a 
 dutchess or a marchioness at the least, and that were the same 
 person to walk, she would be in a very different costume, and 
 then only attended by a footman. 
 
 Ladies of good taste seldom wear jewellery in the morning ; 
 and when they do, confine themselves to trinkets of gold, or 
 those in which opaque stones only are introduced. Ornaments 
 with brilliant stones are unsuited for a morning costume. 
 
OP MUSIC IN GENERAL SOCIETY. 25 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 OF MUSIC IN GENERAL SOCIETY. 
 
 It is the misfortune of musical people generally to be such 
 enthusiasts, that, once beginning, they seldom know when to 
 leave off: there are few things a greater seccatura than a long 
 "Concerto," or duett upon the pianoforte, or an "Air with 
 (endless) variations." The listeners get fidgetty and tired, al- 
 though they are usually too polite to say so. I once sat next 
 to a foreigner, who had endured with exemplary patience a te- 
 dious " Concerto," and who, when it was finished, applauded 
 vehemently, then, turning round to me with a droll expression 
 of countenance, said, " Pcrche sc Jinisce." * 
 
 Nothing, however, is more rude than to converse while peo- 
 ple are singing. If you do not like music sufficiently to listen 
 to it, you should remember that others may do so, and that 
 not only do you interrupt their enjoyment of it, but you offer 
 an offence to the singers. 
 
 A song now and then is very desirable, as it is a relief to 
 conversation, but half a dozen consecutively, even from St. Ce- 
 cilia in person, would become a bore ; besides which, people 
 are now accustomed to hear popular songs executed by those 
 whose profession it is, with a superiority rarely attainable in 
 private life, so that amateurs seldom do more than provoke un- 
 fortunate comparisons. However, when highly-gifted musicians 
 are found in private society, we have generally observed their 
 delicacy to be in proportion to their excellence. 
 
 But the case is much worse when a professional "violinist" 
 
 * " Because it 's finished." 
 
26 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OP SOCIETY. 
 
 is admitted into a private party : he either flourishes away, un- 
 conscious that he is not in an orchestra, or else, desirous to 
 prove his superiority over the" dilettanti" he overpowers them 
 with a tone which might fill a cathedral. The best fiddles scream 
 too much in (comparatively) small rooms, however delicately 
 they may be played ; besides that few even of the first English 
 musicians seem to understand what an " accompaniment'''' really 
 means, each performer being too intent on making his particular 
 instrument heard above the rest, to care about the subject, or to 
 feel that an " accompaniment" should be subdued, and subser- 
 vient to the voice. 
 
 We once heard the silver tones of an exquisite singer com* 
 pletely overpowered, between the shriekings of a fiddle, the 
 vain-glorious grumblings of a violoncello, and the wheezings 
 of a dyspeptic flute. 
 
DANCING* 27 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 DANCING. 
 
 With the etiquette of a ball-room, 90 far as it goes, there 
 are but few people unacquainted. Certain persons are appointed 
 to act as stewards, or there will be a" master of the ceremo- 
 nies," whose office it is to see that everything be conducted in 
 a proper manner : if you are entirely a stranger, it is to them 
 you must apply for a partner, and point out (quietly) any young 
 lady with whom you should like to dance, when, if there be no 
 obvious inequality of rank, they will present you for that pur- 
 pose ; should there be an objection, they will probably select 
 some one they consider more suitable ; but do not, on any ac- 
 count, go to a strange lady by yourself, and request her to 
 dance, as she will unhesitatingly " decline the honor," and 
 think you an impertinent fellow for your presumption. 
 
 Any presentation to a lady in a public ball-room, for the 
 mere purpose of dancing, does not entitle you to claim her 
 acquaintance afterward; therefore, should you meet her the 
 next day, do not attempt to address her. At most, you may 
 lift your hat ; but even that is better avoided — unless, indeed, 
 she first bow — as neither she nor her friends can know who or 
 what you are. 
 
 In France, Italy, Germany, and Russia, gentlemen invariably 
 take off their hat to every lady in whose society they had ever 
 previously been, even though no introduction had taken place ; 
 but they do not consider themselves authorized to address a 
 lady in conversation to whom they have not been presented. 
 This is surely the usage most consistent with true politeness 
 toward women. 
 
28 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 Do not wear black or colored gloves, lest your partner look 
 sulky ; even should you be in mourning, wear white gloves, not 
 black. People in deep mourning have no business in a ball- 
 room at all. 
 
 Lead the lady through the quadrille ; do not drag her, nor 
 clasp her hand as if it were made of wood, lest she not unjustly 
 think you a boor. 
 
 You will not, if you are wise, stand up in a quadrille without 
 knowing something of the figure ; and if you are master of a 
 few of the steps, so much the better. But dance quietly ; do 
 not kick and caper about, nor sway your body to and fro : 
 dance only from the hips downward ; and lead the lady as lightly 
 as you would tread a measure with a spirit of gossamer. 
 
 Do not pride yourself on doing "steps neatly," unless yOu are 
 ambitious of being taken for a dancing-master ; between whose 
 motions and those of a gentleman there is a great difference. 
 
 If a lady should civilly decline to dance with you, making an 
 excuse, and you chance to see her dancing afterward, do not 
 take any notice of it, nor be offended with her. It might not 
 be that she despised you, but that she preferred another. We 
 can not always fathom the hidden springs which influence a 
 woman's actions, and there are many bursting hearts within 
 white satin dresses ; therefore do not insist upon the fulfilment 
 of established regulations " de rigueur." Besides, it is a hard 
 case that women should be compelled to dance with everybody 
 offered them, at the alternative of not being allowed to enjoy 
 themselves at all. 
 
 If a friend be engaged when you request her to dance, and 
 she promises to be your partner for the next or any of the fol- 
 lowing dances, do not neglect her when the time comes, but be 
 in readiness to fulfil your office as her cavalier, or she may think 
 that you have studiously slighted her, besides preventing her 
 obliging some one else. Even inattention and forgetfulness, by 
 showing how little you care for a lady, form in themselves a 
 tacit insult. 
 
DANCING. 29 
 
 If a lady waltz with you, beware not to press her waist ; you 
 must only lightly touch it with the open palm of your hand, 
 lest you leave a disagreeable impression not only on her ceinture, 
 but on her mind. 
 
 Above all, do not be prone to quarrel in a ball-room ; it dis- 
 turbs the harmony of the company, and should be avoided if 
 possible. Recollect that a thousand little derelictions from strict 
 propriety may occur through the ignorance or stupidity of the 
 aggressor, and not from any intention to annoy : remember, also, 
 that really well-bred women will not thank you for making them 
 conspicuous by over-officiousness in their defence, unless, 
 indeed, there be any serious or glaring violation of decorum. 
 In small matters, ladies are both able and willing to take care 
 of themselves, and would prefer being allowed to overwhelm 
 the unlucky offender in their own way. 
 
 If, while walking up and down a public promenade, you 
 should meet friends or acquaintances whom you do not intend 
 to join, it is only necessary to salute them the first time of pass- 
 ing ; to bow or to nod to them every round would be tiresome, 
 and therefore improper ; do not be afraid that they will think 
 you odd or unfriendly, as, if they have any sense at all, they 
 will appreciate your reasons. If- you have anything to say to 
 them, join them at once. 
 
30 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 CHAPTER XL 
 
 CONVERSATION. 
 
 Many men of talent forget that the object of conversation is 
 to entertain and amuse, and that society, to be agreeable, must 
 never be made the arena of dispute. Some persons spoil every 
 party they join by making it their only object to prove that 
 every one present is in the wrong but themselves. 
 
 It requires so much tact and good breeding to sustain an ar- 
 gument, however logical and correct the arguer may be, that an 
 avoidance of it will gain him more popularity than a triumph 
 over his adversary could accomplish. 
 
 Even slight inaccuracy in statement of facts or opinions 
 should rarely be remarked on in conversation. 
 
 A man should never permit himself to lose his temper in 
 society — not show that he has taken offence at any supposed 
 slight — it places him in a disadvantageous position — betraying 
 an absence of self-respect, or at the least of self-possession. 
 
 If a " puppy" adopt a disagreeable tone of voice, or offen- 
 sive manner toward you, never resent it at the time — and above 
 all, do not adopt the same style in your conversation with him ; 
 appear not to notice it, and generally it will be discontinued, as 
 it will be seen that it has failed in its object : besides which — 
 you save your temper. 
 
 * Be careful in company how you defend your friends, unless 
 the conversation be addressed to yourself. Remember that 
 nobody is perfect, and people may sometimes speak the truth ; 
 and that, if contradicted, they may be desirous of justifying 
 themselves, and will p-ove what might otherwise have been a 
 matter of doubt. 
 
CONVERSATION. 31 
 
 Wit elicits wit ; and when such brilliant materials meet, they 
 form the flint and steel of conversation : appreciation is the 
 tinder, which, though not bright in itself, receives and cherishes 
 the scintillations as they fall. Who has not felt his intellect 
 expand with the assurance of having what he says understood ? 
 Appreciation certainly is a talent. 
 
 Never " talk at people" — it is in the worst possible taste, as 
 it is taking an unfair advantage of them : if there be anything 
 you dislike, " out with it boldly " and give them an opportunity 
 of explaining, or of defendiug themselves ; or else be silent. 
 
 * Do not say a person is " affable" unless he or she be of 
 very high rank, as it implies condescension. Royal personages 
 are " gracious." 
 
 * Do not repeat the name of the person to whom you are 
 speaking — as, "Indeed, Mr* Stubbs, you don't say so, sir:" 
 or, "Really, Mrs. Fidkins, I quite agree with you, Mrs. Fid- 
 kins." It is a sufficiently bad habit in an equal, but in one of 
 lower rank it becomes an impertinence. 
 
 In talking of your own children, never speak of them as 
 "Master William," or "MssJane;" " Mr. Henry," or "Miss 
 Louisa :" it is a miserable attempt to elevate both them and 
 yourself, which will assuredly fail, as it is practised by those 
 only who have recently risen above that dingy mass of medioc- 
 rity — the "multitude;" leave it, therefore, to others to pay 
 them so proper a mark of respect, secure that none but very 
 intimate friends will take the liberty of calling them plain 
 " Mary" or " Edward :" this is an important caution, as it is 
 generally the first error committed by the " nouveaux riches." 
 
 Above all things, do not mistake stiffness for dignity; the 
 very spirit of good breeding consists in being easy and natural 
 yourself — and in the endeavor to make others the same. Eti- 
 quette is only the armor of society ; and when your position is 
 fairly established, it may be thrown aside, at least so far as is 
 consistent with good feeling and decorum. 
 
 Avoid a loud tone of voice in conversation, or a " horse 
 
32 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 laugh :" both are exceedingly vulgar ; and if practised, stran- 
 gers may think that you have been " cad" to an omnibus. 
 There is a slightly subdued patrician tone of voice, which we 
 fear can only be acquired in good society. Be cautious also 
 how you take the lead in conversation, unless it be forced upon 
 you, lest people reiterate the remark made on a certain occasion 
 upon that " Brummagem" Johnson, Dr. Parr — that " he was 
 like a great toe in society ; the most ignoble part of the body, yet 
 ever thrust foremost" 
 
 Be very careful how you " show off" in strange company, 
 unless you be thoroughly conversant with your subject, as you 
 are never sure of the person next to whom you may be seated. 
 It is a common occurrence for young gentlemen of very shallow 
 pretensions indeed, to endeavor to astonish country society, 
 never dreaming that experienced London men may be present, 
 when an exposure most probably follows as a penalty for their 
 presumption. For instance — never talk largely of the " Opera" 
 — "Pasta, Grisi, Lablache," &c, on the strength of having 
 been there once or twice only, lest you unwittingly address 
 some old frequenter of the theatre, who has for the last twenty 
 years been accustomed to hear all the "pimi cantanti, serii e 
 buffi" and who will, most likely, have every opera, its " casts," 
 and music, at his tongue's end : neither talk learnedly of pic- 
 tures — "bits," "effects," or of " masters," — "Titian," "Ru- 
 bens," &c, from the very slight information to be obtained from 
 copies or engravings, for fear some sly old fellow, who is con- 
 versant with all the " collections" from " Dan to Beersheba," 
 should be malicious enough to analyze your knowledge ; in- 
 deed, as the consciousness of ignorance is apt to make people 
 peculiarly sensitive, it would be as well to avoid all subjects 
 with which you Jcnoiv the generality of persons present can not 
 be acquainted ; for, as the mere introduction of such topics will 
 be considered and resented as an assumption on your part, 
 should you happen to be vanquished on your own ground, your 
 defeat will be relished proportionably. Remember, that if you 
 
- CONVERSATION. 33 
 
 are quiet in society, you will, at least, have credit for discretion, 
 and be more likely to escape annoyance ; it is display alone that 
 courts publicity and provokes criticism. It would astonish and 
 frighten the mock brilliants we so often meet, could they but 
 know how quickly and infallibly the practised eye will detect 
 their position in the world, in spite of the gaudy lacker spread 
 crer (in the hope of concealing) a homely material; in such 
 cases, gorgeous vestments act but as conductors to the coarse 
 shirt, and clumsy ill-made boots — such as a gentleman could 
 not wear ; the vulgar pronunciation of one word — or an awk- 
 ward undrilled walk, is sufficient to render more than doubtful 
 the legitimacy of the most captivating exterior. 
 
 It is a matter of observation, that there are so few people 
 who know how to walk properly, and who do not " get along" 
 with a lounging "slewing" gait; also the pseudo " militaires," 
 who appear never to have known, that to carry themselves erect 
 — to step well — and to turn out their toes — are among the 
 earliest and most indispensable preparations for a military life. 
 
 There can not be a custom more vulgar or offensive than 
 that of taking a person aside to whisper in a room with com- 
 pany, yet this rudeness is of frequent occurrence — and that 
 with persons who ought to know better. 
 
 Lounging on sofas, or reclining in chairs when in society, as 
 if in the privacy of one's own dressing room or study, is always 
 considered indecorous ; but in the presence of ladies is deemed 
 extremely vulgar. 
 
 There are but few things that display worse taste than the 
 introduction of professional topics in general conversation, es- 
 pecially if there be ladies present : the minds of those men 
 must be miserably ill-stored, who can not find other subjects for 
 conversation than their own professions. Who has not felt this 
 on having been compelled to listen to " clerical slang," musty 
 college jokes, and anecdotes divested of all interest beyond the 
 atmosphere of a university ; or " law" jokes, with " good 
 stories" of " learned counsel;" "long yarns; 11 or the equally 
 
 3 
 
34 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 tiresome muster-roll of " our regiment" — colonels dead, maimed 
 majors retired on pensions, subs lost or " exchanged," gravitating 
 between Boulogne and the King's Bench ? All such exclusive 
 topics are signs either of a limited intellect, or the most lament- 
 able ignorance. 
 
 Making the " sports of the field," or anecdotes of the clubs, 
 the topics of conversation in female society, will subject a man 
 to the imputation of having a very mauvais ton; indeed, people 
 should be careful not to introduce topics that have only a local 
 interest, and not to speak slightingly of those who are the 
 friends of any of the guests. 
 
 Mothers should be on their guard not to repeat nursery anec- 
 dotes or bon-mots, as, however interesting to themselves, they 
 are seldom so to others. Long stories should always be avoid- 
 ed, as, however well told, they interrupt general conversation, 
 and leave the impression that the narrator thought the circle 
 dull, and consequently endeavored to amuse it. 
 
 An exceedingly vulgar custom prevails in the northern part 
 of England — that of women using the titles of their husbands 
 as marks of distinction to themselves ; being spoken of, or 
 written to, and even having printed on their cards, " Mrs. CapU 
 Gubbins" " Mrs. Dr. Borax" or the more balmy and eupho- 
 nious appellation of " Mrs. Col. Figgins" (generally the flaxen- 
 haired owner of a bilious Colonel, from " Choultry Plains," 
 and late of Cheltenham), It springs from a desire to show the 
 world how much they are exalted by their husbands' rank above 
 the "Muggs" and "Jenkinses" of low life. How oddly "Mrs. 
 Alderman Tibbs," or "Mrs. Churchwarden Hobbs," would 
 sound ! To such an extent is this desire for title carried, that 
 at Aberdeen a row of dram-shops near the Pier is placarded as 
 being kept by " Mrs. Captain Gordon," " Mrs. Captain M'Dou- 
 gal," &c, being the consorts of the " masters" of the trading 
 smacks. The proper mode of distinguishing the wives of va- 
 rious members of the same family is by using the Christian 
 name ; as Mrs. Edward, Mrs. James, &c, as the case may be. 
 
CONVERSATION. 35 
 
 Never use the term " genteel" Do not speak of "genteel 
 people ;" it is a low estimate of good breeding, used only by 
 vulgar persons, and from their lips impjies that union of finery, 
 flippancy, and affectation, often found in those but one remove 
 from "hewers of wood and drawers of water." Substitute 
 " well-bred person" " manners of a gentlewoman" or of " a 
 gentleman" instead. 
 
 Never use the initial of a person's name to designate him ; 
 as " Mr. P.," " Mrs. C.," " Miss W.," &c. Nothing is more 
 abominable than to hear a woman speak of her husband as 
 "Mr. B." 
 
 In speaking to ladies of title, do not say " my lady," it being 
 only proper for servants and tradespeople so to do ; you may 
 occasionally say "your ladyship," as it shows that you are 
 aware of their claim to the distinction. 
 
 The fear of being thought vulgar often drives meritorious 
 people, who have risen by their own exertions, into the opposite 
 extreme, and causes them to be superlatively delicate. Such 
 persons are shocked at the sound of " breeches" will substitute 
 " inebriated" for " very drunk" and can not be brought to al- 
 low there are such animals as " women" in the world. 
 
 It is also a clumsy attempt at refinement to use a particular 
 set of words: at present we have "splendid travelling," "splen- 
 did gin," " splendid potatoes," &c. 
 
36 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY, 
 
 CHAPTER XIL 
 
 ADVICE TO TRADESPEOPLE. 
 
 By tradespeople I do not mean merchants or manufacturers, 
 but shopkeepers and retailers of various goods, who will do well 
 to remember that people are respectable in their own sphere 
 only, and that when they attempt to step out of it they cease to 
 be so. When exceptions are made by the world, it is generally 
 in favor of brilliant genius or extraordinary acquirements, and 
 even then it can only be by the prevailing suffrage of society y 
 therefore, do not attempt to claim the acquaintance of those 
 above you, lest you meet a mortifying repulse. Many will say? 
 " We are just as good as they are, and as respectable." So 
 vou are, but yet not fit companions for each other. Society 
 is divided into various orders, each class having its own views, 
 its peculiar education, habits, and tastes ; so that the conversa- 
 tion of the one would probablv be most uninteresting to the 
 other. It is the fashion to talk of the spread of education — 
 and, so far as merely reading and writing go, it is true ; but 
 they are only the first steps to a cultivated mind, and the literary 
 acquirements of a man of business are necessarily confined to 
 reading the newspaper. He has no time for anything else, and, 
 however skilful in his trade, can not form an idea of that man's 
 mind who has devoted all his energies to science or literature. 
 Nay, can you suppose that even the merchant of Portland place 
 and the occupant of the back parlor to a butcher's shop think 
 and feel alike? Cerainly not , and recollect, also, that how- 
 ever highly you may estimate yourself, the world will judge you 
 by any standard rather than your own. 
 
 The English are the most aristocratic democrats in the world ; 
 always endeavoring to squeeze through the portals of rank and 
 fashion, and then slamming the door in the face of any unfor- 
 tunate devil who may happen to be behind them. 
 
VISITING. 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 VISITING. 
 
 If you are thrown among fashionable people, you must not 
 pay a visit to a lady before three o'clock, P. M., nor after five ; 
 as, if you call before that time, you will interrupt those avoca- 
 tions which more or less occupy every lady in the early part of the 
 day ; if later than five o'clock, you will prevent her driving out. 
 
 On returning visits, a card left at the house is generally con- 
 sidered all that is necessary ; but if you are admitted, do not 
 make a morning visit too long, lest you interfere with the 
 engagements of the mistress of the house. 
 
 * Never leave your hat in the hall when you pay a morning 
 visit ; it makes you look too much at home ; take it with you 
 into the room. 
 
 
"38 ETIQUETTE y AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 I 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 VISITING CARDS. 
 
 When a family arrive in London, they should send out 
 cards to their acquaintances to inform them of that event, as 
 well as of their address. 
 
 The names of the daughters who have been presented are 
 to be inscribed on the cards of their mothers. 
 
 One card is sufficient for a mother and daughters to leave, 
 and should there be daughters or sisters residing with the lady 
 called on, the corner or corners of the card may be turned 
 down, to signify that the visit is meant for them also. 
 
 When a married lady makes a call, she may leave her hus 
 band's card. 
 
 It is not unusual for persons to send cards by their servants 
 to return visits ; but this mode is considered disrespectful, ex- 
 cepting when it is to return thanks for " inquiries/' 
 
 On the Continent, persons inscribe on their cards " en per~ 
 sonne," to show that they themselves have come, and not sent 
 their cards. Many of the English, regardless of the motive, 
 notwithstanding its being so evident, had the same words writ- 
 ten on theirs, and the persons to whom these cards were sent 
 not unfrequently had cards with " en personne" thrust into the 
 hands of their porter by a laquais de place, when they were in 
 the vestibule, or entering their carriages, which excited much 
 laughter, the servants also joining in the mirth. 
 
 When a wedding takes place in a family, the cards of the 
 newly married pair are sent round to all their acquaintances to 
 apprize them of the event. The cards are sent out by the 
 bridegroom to his acquaintances, and by the parents of the 
 
VISITING CARDS. 39 
 
 bride to theirs. In some instances the cards have been united 
 by silken or silver cords, but this mode has not been adopted 
 by people of fashion. 
 
 To those who leave cards at the residence of the bride and 
 bridegroom during their absence in the "honey moon," cards 
 are sent to inform them of their return. 
 
 When cards are left for married people who reside with their 
 parents or relatives, their names should be written on the cards 
 left for them to preclude mistakes. 
 
 When persons without parents are married, they should send 
 their cards to their acquaintances. 
 
 Foreign ladies always inscribe their maiden names, as well 
 as their married ones, on their cards — as, "La Comtesse de 
 M nee de S " ; this explains to what family they be- 
 long, and prevents mistakes where there are others of the same 
 name. An English lady observing this mode, and wishing to 
 adopt it, left her cards with the following inscription, " Mrs. 
 
 Popkins nee Tibbetts," to the no small amusement of the 
 
 quizzer with whom they were left. 
 
 In giving dinners, endeavor to engage persons only who are 
 known to each other, or who mutually desire to become ac- 
 quainted. Exceptions may be made in favor of persons of 
 acknowledged merit, or of high distinction. 
 
 In society, verbal invitations are often given to balls or con- 
 certs, by persons with whom you are only slightly acquainted, 
 and have not previously visited : in such a case, it is proper to 
 leave a card beforehand on the lady at whose house the soiree 
 is to take place, that she may be made acquainted with your 
 name and intention — so that you may be expected; because 
 you may have received an invitation from her husband of which 
 she was ignorant, and he may not be there to present you. 
 Should it so occur, a card previously left will prevent either 
 party looking foolish, or the stranger appearing " de trop." 
 
 Some doubts having arisen, after a death, as to the proper 
 period of returning cards of " thanks" for visits of condolence, 
 
40 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 we believe there is no fixed time ; for, as cards of thanks imply- 
 that the bereaved parties are prepared to receive visiters, it 
 must be, with them, entirely a matter of feeling. 
 
 In France, deaths, births, and marriages, are announced by 
 unsealed letters sent round by the heads of the family in which 
 the event has occurred. These are called " lettrcs de faire 
 part." Those addressed to relatives are written by the chef 
 defamille; and those to friends and acquaintances are printed. 
 
CARDS. 41 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 CARDS. 
 
 Card-tables are generally set out in .a room appropriated 
 to their use, or else in the room of reception, where they are 
 placed apart. When coffee has been served, the master or 
 mistress of the house proposes cards to the visiters, and those 
 disposed to play advance to the table, at which a fresh pack of 
 cards is opened, and spread, and each person intending to play 
 draws a card. The persons who draw the highest card are ex- 
 cluded from the rubber; but the four individuals who have 
 drawn the lowest, again draw cards for partners ; the two highest 
 become partners ; and the two who have drawn the lowest have 
 the choice of seats and the deal. 
 
 At the commencement of every fresh rubber the players 
 again cut for partners. For the regulation of the games, our 
 readers are referred to Major A**** #, s - l Hints on Whist." 
 Wagers are made in preference with the persons playing ; but 
 if they decline to accept them, a player is justified in betting 
 with any of the spectators. 
 
 In good society it is considered mauvais ton to be too punc- 
 tilious and exacting with regard to the penalties incurred through 
 mistakes, which, in general, are only enforced at the Clubs, 
 where " play" is looked on as an affair on the stock exchange ; 
 where each individual profits by the indiscretion of his oppo- 
 nent. To lose without any exhibition of ill-humor, and to win 
 without any symptom of exultation, are deemed characteristic 
 of high breeding and savoir vivre, and those who can not always 
 remember this, would do well to give up play. 
 
 Women should never play except for trifling sums, and not 
 
42 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 even then, unless they can retain the command of their temper; 
 she who wishes to win a heart, or to retain one, should never 
 permit her admirers to behold her at cards, as the anxiety they 
 produce is as destructive to beauty as to sentiment. 
 
TATTLING. 43 
 
 CHAPTER XVI 
 
 TATTLING. 
 
 It has somewhere been observed that, " In good society, a 
 tacit understanding exists that whatsoever conversation may 
 take place shall be to a certain degree sacred, and may not 
 honorably be carried out of it, and repeated to the prejudice of 
 the utterer." This axiom can not be too strongly inculcated ; 
 as, if such practices were allowed, all confidence would be de- 
 stroyed, and there would be no end to the mischief caused by 
 silly or malignant people. 
 
 Conversations ever have taken place, and ever vrill, in which 
 opinions are given, and motives scrutinized, truly and justly too, 
 and with decided advantage to the world, as it is very often the 
 only way in which one half of mankind can be put upon their 
 guard against the other ; nevertheless, but few people would be 
 pleased to learn that their designs, their foibles, or their weak- 
 nesses, had been made the subject of discussion, as most men 
 flatter themselves the world will take them at whatever value 
 they may choose to set upon themselves. There are none, 
 therefore, so despicable, as those traitors to society who hurry 
 from house to house, laden with the remarks made by one party 
 upon another; stirring up discord and strengthening hatred 
 wheresoever they appear — by whom every unguarded expres- 
 sion is distorted or magnified, and who take a malicious pleas- 
 ure (too often under the guise of affection) in wounding one 
 friend at the expense of another. This is the bane of country 
 society, and falls particularly heavy on those " accustomed to 
 all the freedom of thought and frankness of expression of a 
 
44 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIET7. 
 
 great capital, and who find it difficult, if not impossible, to 
 adopt the caution so necessary in a small community." * 
 
 Consequently, give your own opinion of people if you choose, 
 but you are not at liberty to repeat that of others. Only fancy 
 the result of one lady saying to another, " Well, Maria, what 
 do you think Miss Macaw says of you ? She says, that you 
 have the thickest ankles, and the thinnest arms, of any girl in 
 the county ; with a contour like an alligator, and a head like a 
 bison!!!" 
 
 Be cautious how you indulge in badinage in the presence of 
 dull, common-place people; they will either get out of temper 
 in consequence of taking what you say literally, or else will 
 stare and wonder at you for being such a " strange man." 
 " Poor Susan !" said a gentleman to a pretty girl. " Poor, 
 indeed !" replied the lady, with an indignant toss of the head ; 
 'f not so poor as that comes to. Papa can give us something." 
 What an anticipation for the sensitive aspirant ! 
 
 * Life of Mackintosh. 
 
OF GENERAL SOCIETT. 45 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 OF GENERAL SOCIETY. 
 
 If you meet a lady of your acquaintance in the street, it is 
 her part to notice you first, unless, indeed, you are very inti- 
 mate. The reason is, if you bow to a lady first, she may not 
 choose to acknowledge you, and there is no remedy; but if she 
 bow to you — you, as a gentleman, can not cut her. 
 
 On the Continent the fashion in this instance as in many 
 others, is exactly the reverse. No lady, however intimate you 
 may be with her, will acknowledge your acquaintance in the 
 street, unless you are the first to honor her with a bow of rec- 
 ognition. It must be obvious, however, to all thinking persons, 
 that our own custom is the most in accordance with good taste. 
 
 Never nod to a lady in the street, neither be satisfied with 
 touching your hat, but take it off — it is a courtesy her sex de- 
 mands. 
 
 Never keep your hat on when handing a lady to her box or 
 to her carnage. 
 
 Never slam the door of a box with violence, nor speak loudly 
 enough to disturb an audience. When you visit a lady in her 
 box at the opera, be sure to leave it when other visiters enter, 
 lest you be de trop. 
 
 Never sit in the boxes of a theatre with your hat on ; it is 
 an insult to the rest of the audience, especially if there be 
 ladies. 
 
 *Do not insist upon pulling off your glove on a very hot day 
 when you shake hands with a lady. If it be off, why, all very 
 well ; but it is better to run the risk of being considered un- 
 gallant, than to present a clammy ungloved hand. 
 
46 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 Never, indeed, offer your hand, unless well assured that it is 
 in a presentable state of frigidity ; for the touch of a tepid hand 
 chills the warmest feelings. 
 
 On entering a coffee-house, and sitting down, take off your 
 hat; it is only a proper mark of respect to your own class, 
 toward whom you should pay the same deference you exact 
 from others. 
 
 If you meet a friend in the street — in a coffee-house, shop, 
 or indeed any public place, never address him by name; at 
 least not so loudly as that others may hear it : sensitive people 
 do not like to be " shown up" to strangers as " Mr. Jones," or 
 " Mr. Smith," and so attract disagreeable notice. Accost your 
 friend quietly; and do not roar out, " Ah ! Mr. Smith ! how do 
 you do, Mr. Smith?" it is very offensive, and shows a great 
 want of proper delicacy. 
 
 Do not strain after great people, — for, although they like the 
 homage, inasmuch as it flatters their vanity, yet they despise the 
 dispenser of it. Pay them, however, all proper respect; but 
 do not forget what is due to yourself. 
 
 As a general rule — it is the place of a superior in rank to 
 speak first to the inferior. 
 
 When presented to a person of high rank, you should leave a 
 card at his house the next day. 
 
 If you have been in society with a nobleman, and should 
 chance to meet him again elsewhere, leave it to him to speak 
 first, or to recognise you. If you claim his acquaintance, you 
 give him an opportunity of behaving superciliously to you, 
 which would be as well avoided. 
 
 An unfortunate Clerk of the Treasury, who, because he was 
 in the receipt of a good salary, besides being a " triton among 
 the minnows" of Clapham Common, fancied himself a great 
 man, dined at the B — f S — k Club, where he sat next to a noble 
 Duke, who, desirous of putting him at ease with himself, con- 
 versed freely with him, yet probably forgot even the existence 
 of such a person half an hour afterward. Meeting his Grace in 
 
OP GENERAL SOCIETY. 47 
 
 the street some days after, and encouraged by his previous con- 
 descension, the hero of the quill, bent on claiming his acquaint- 
 ance, accosted him in a familiar " hail-fellow-well-metish" man- 
 ner, — "Ah, my Lord, how d'ye do?" The Duke looked 
 surprised. " May I know, Sir, to whom I have the honor of 
 speaking?" said his Grace, drawing up. "Oh! why — don't 
 you know ? We dined together at the B — f S — k Club, the 
 other evening! — I'm Mr. Timms of the Treasury!!" 
 " Then," said the Duke, turning on his heel, " Mr. Timms 
 of the Treasury, I wish you a good morning." 
 
 Remember that all your guests are equal for the time being, 
 and have a similar claim to your courtesies ; nay, if there be a 
 difference shown, those of the lesser rank require a little more 
 attention than the rest, that they may not be made to feel their 
 inferiority. 
 
 There is no more common or absurd mistake than supposing 
 that, because people are of high rank, they can not be vulgar; — 
 or that, if people be in an obscure station, they can not be well 
 bred. We have seen as many instances of vulgarity in a peer 
 as could be found in a grazier ; and have noticed as many ex- 
 amples of a perfect freedom from the least taint of it in persons 
 in humble life, as could be desired in a dutchess. 
 
 Nothing more clearly indicates the true gentleman than a 
 desire evinced to oblige or accommodate, whenever it is possible 
 or reasonable; it forms the broad distinction between the well- 
 bred man of the world, and the coarse and brutal crowd — the 
 irreclaimably vulgar, — vulgar, not from their inferiority of station, 
 but because they are coarse and brutal. Nevertheless, we often 
 find persons so selfish and supercilious, and of so equivocal an 
 importance, that they fancy any compliance with the wishes of 
 the many, would tend to lessen their dignity in the eyes of their 
 companions, and who foolishly imagine that a good coat places 
 them above the necessity of conciliating the feelings of the mul- 
 titude by the performance of an act of courtesy. It is evident 
 there can not be a greater mistake, since even the lower classes 
 
48 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 (whatever their own practices may be) keenly appreciate, and 
 gratefully acknowledge, the slightest consideration shown to them 
 by their superiors. That persons should be found weak enough 
 to believe themselves above control, is lamentable, as such sil- 
 liness can only expose them to the ridicule of their equals, and 
 the contempt of their superiors. 
 
 A perfect freedom from affectation, and an observance of the 
 feelings of others, will always exempt a person from the charge 
 of vulgarity. 
 
 Be careful to offer a favor in such a manner as not to offend 
 the delicacy of those whom you wish to serve. Favors may be 
 so conferred as to become insults. If kindness and a desire to 
 oblige induce you to offer an " attention," do not press it after 
 it has once been refused, and so affront ill-tempered or testy 
 people. A friend who had been dining a short distance from 
 London, when about to return, said to one of the party, " Sir, 
 my carriage is at the door ; if agreeable, I shall be happy, to 
 take you to town." — "I am much obliged to you," replied the 
 ungracious Mr. Tubbs, drawing himself up, "but — I have a 
 carriage of my own" 
 
 When you offer a place in your carriage, be sure to give the 
 best, or you will subject yourself to the charge of ignorance and 
 ill-breeding. A spiritucllc reproof for an error of this kind was 
 lately given at Paris by the celebrated Mons. de M. Having 
 met in the vestibule of the Opera two parvenu bankers of the 
 tribe of Israel, much more remarkable for their wealth than their 
 good manners ; the Jews, observing that the compte's carnage 
 had not arrived, offered him a place in theirs, which he accept- 
 ed. To his surprise, " Les freres feroces" (as they are named) 
 entered the coach first, and seated themselves in the back seat, 
 leaving the aged bon-vlvant to sit with his back to the horses ; 
 but no sooner did he observe this piece of ill-breeding, than he 
 pulled the check-string and insisted on leaving the carriage. — 
 44 But why will you get out ?" asked the parvenus, in astonish- 
 ment. " Because," replied Mons. de M., " I always feel ill 
 
OP GENERAL SOCIETY. 49 
 
 ivhen I sit with my back to the horses — in the carriage of 
 mother. " 
 
 *Do not cross a room in an anxious manner, and force your 
 way up to a lady merely to receive a bow, as by so doing yoo 
 attract the eyes of the company toward her. If you are desirous 
 of being noticed by any one in particular, put yourself in their 
 way as if by accident, and do not let them see that you have 
 sought them out ; unless, indeed, there be something very im- 
 portant to communicate. 
 
 *Do not take upon yourself to do the honors in another 
 man's house, or constitute yourself master of the ceremonies, as 
 you will thereby offend the host and hostess. 
 
 There is a shallow attempt at " fallen greatness," sometimes 
 practised by persons who wish it to be supposed they are below 
 their proper sphere, — that of bestowing high-sounding titles 
 upon very ordinary objects ; as calling a hackney-coach " the 
 carriage ;" or speaking of a gig, or wretched pony chaise, as 
 ** our carriage ;" or of a miserable passage, three feet wide, as 
 the " hall." This is very foolish, and does not impose upon 
 any one. 
 
 In addressing letters to persons of rank, the title should be 
 written, whether of Duke, Marquis, Earl, Viscount, or Baron, 
 instead of " Lord" So-and-so, which is considered disrespectful 
 and vulgar. This rule should be particularly attended to in 
 writing to Ladies, in order to avoid confounding the rank they 
 hold with the very inferior one of the wives of Baronets or 
 Knights. Military rank always takes precedence of titles on 
 the superscription of letters. 
 
 As the term " Esquire" has long degenerated into a title of 
 mere courtesy, give it when writing to any person above the rank, 
 of a shopkeeper, and scrupulously award it to all professional 
 men ; not to do so, would appear like an ungracious attempt, on 
 your part, to depreciate them, and to display your own, impor- 
 tance by affecting to under-rate their pretensions ; besides, as the 
 first lesson taught to "people of condition" is "to be courteous 
 
 4 
 
50 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 to all men," and as you will rarely find these little proprieties 
 overlooked by them, any neglect on your part will naturally 
 suggest the inference, that the offending epistle was indited by 
 some very assuming or very ignorant person. It is needless in 
 these times to consider the distinctions made by the " Law" in 
 ages past ; for as " belted knights" exist no longer, the reality 
 of an Esquire has long merged in the shadowy title, which, 
 m as by law allowed," is shared by the lowest pettifogger, or the 
 coarsest tradesman admitted into the ranks of the " Gentlemen 
 pensioners."* We do not attempt to deny that "Esquire," in 
 common with the terms " Professor," or " Professional," is oc- 
 casionally abused, since a " Professorship" rewards alike the 
 saltatory labors of a dancing-master, and gilds the graceful 
 avocations of an "Arcadian" hair-dresser. 
 
 In writing to subalterns in the army, be careful not to address 
 your letter to Ensign or Lieut. So-and-so, but to J. P. Esq., 83d 
 Reg*., &c, as the case may be ; Captain being the lowest grade 
 which a military man chooses to acknowledge. 
 
 Do not offer a person the chair from which you have just 
 risen, unless there be no other in the room. 
 
 Never take the chair usually occupied by the mistress of the 
 house, even though she be absent, nor use the snuff-box of an- 
 other, unless he offer it. 
 
 Do not touch any of the articles of bijouterie in the houses 
 where you visit : they are meant only for the use of the lady 
 of the house, and may be admired, but not touched. 
 
 Do not beat the " devil's tattoo," by drumming with your 
 fingers on a table ; it can not fail to annoy every one within 
 
 * Gentlemen pensioners are Esquires by " authority." This ancient and 
 pleasant provision for decayed gentlemen was much distorted during the last 
 reign, by the admission of improper persons ; so conspicuous, indeed, did its 
 pqualidness and vulgarity become, so to attract the attention, and excite the ire, 
 of the late sovereign, who threatened to disband such an equivocal appendage to 
 his state. The institution has now, however, become regenerate, by restricting 
 the quality of its members ; and at present shines forth in more than its pristine 
 splendor, as the " Honorable Band of Gentlemen-at-Arms" — so be it. 
 
OP GENERAL SOCIETY. 51 
 
 bearing, and is the index of a vacant mind. Neither read the 
 newspaper in an audible whisper, as it disturbs the attention of 
 those near you. Both these bad habits are particularly offen- 
 sive where most common ; that is, in a country news-room. 
 Remember, that a carelessness as to what may incommode 
 others is the sure sign of a coarse and ordinary mind; indeed, 
 the essential part of good breeding is more in the avoidance of 
 whatever may be disagreeable to others, than even an accurate 
 observance of the customs of good society. 
 
 Never allow any person above the rank of a shopman to 
 leave the room without your ringing the bell for the street door 
 to be opened. Thousands have been irremediably offended by 
 having been suffered to quit a room unattended, and to " let 
 themselves out." This deserves particular notice, as it is a very 
 common omission with persons, who, having amassed a little 
 wealth and set up for " somebodies" would be exceedingly an- 
 noyed to have it whispered that they could be guilty of such 
 gross ill breeding. 
 
 People who have risen in the world are too apt to suppose 
 they render themselves of consequence in proportion to the 
 pride they display, and their want of attention toward those 
 with whom they come in contact. This is a terrible mistake, 
 as every ill-bred act recoils with triple violence against its per- 
 petrators, by leading the offended parties to analyze them, and 
 to question their right of assuming a superiority to which (in 
 the absence of positive rank) they are but rarely entitled. 
 
 People who may be what, in French phraseology, are termed 
 parvenus, or nouveaux riches, and who desire to attain a good 
 position in society, must be careful to avoid making any ad- 
 vances to people of rank, and should wait until these last seek 
 their acquaintance. A contrary line of conduct will only draw 
 on them the imputation of forwardness and vulgarity. For as 
 it is the privilege of the person of the highest rank to make the 
 first advances toward acquaintanceship, there is no excuse for 
 the inferior to commit himself. 
 
 Do not abuse the advantage of a " two-penny post," by 
 
52 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 making people pay the postage of letters on your own busi- 
 ness merely, and transmitted through such a channel entirely 
 for your convenience, by saving the trouble of sending a servant. 
 The postage upon one solitary note is small, it is true ; but 
 may amount to a large sum in the aggregate. Depend upon it, 
 the most " trffif people will not be very much offended at the 
 postage being paid, although some affect openly to despise an 
 expense at which they grumble in secret. 
 
 There is no better test of a man's claim to be considered 
 " a gentleman" than a scrutiny of his conduct in money trans- 
 actions. A man may possess rank and fashion, and, by an as- 
 sumed frankness of character, deceive the multitude; but the 
 moment his purse is invaded, if he be not of the true caste, he 
 will display the most contemptible meanness, he will take ad- 
 vantage of the liberal — evade, by every miserable subterfuge, 
 the claims of those he dares not oppress, and unblushingly defy 
 those unfortunate persons whose poverty is likely to prevent the 
 due assertion of their rights. Such a man may possess station 
 in society — he may be an "elegant" — he maybe a. prince! 
 but, if he be not honest — he is not a gentleman. 
 
 With intimate friends, you may dispense with ceremony as 
 much as may be deemed desirable to all parties; but with 
 strangers, or persons with whom you are only imperfectly ac- 
 quainted, every deviation from established custom is a slight, 
 as it tends to show how little their society is appreciated ; and 
 will (if they possess a grain of spirit) be resented accordingly. 
 
 Although these remarks will not be sufficient in themselves 
 to make you a gentleman, yet they will enable you to avoid any 
 glaring impropriety, and do much to render you easy and con- 
 fident in society. 
 
 Gentility is neither in birth, manner, nor fashion — but in the 
 mind. A high sense of honor — a determination never to take 
 a mean advantage of another — an adherence to truth, delicacy, 
 and politeness, toward those with whom you may have dealings 
 — are the essential and distinguishing characteristics of a gen- 
 tleman. 
 
THE RHENISH OR SPANISH WALTZ, 
 
 AND THE 
 
 THE GERMAN WALTZ A DEUX TEMPS, 
 
 The pretending, or attempting in public what we can not perform, 
 lias no more unfortunate feature about it, quam quod ridicules homi- 
 nes facit. 
 
 One can scarcely conceive of the agonies which I have suffered 
 in observing my countrymen making themselves ridiculous by their 
 attempts and failures in the art of Waltzing. But it is quite im- 
 possible to imagine the martyrdom which I have endured in observing 
 my countrywomen making themselves ridiculous in the same way. 
 For their sake, then, I subject myself to the reproach — 
 " Turpe est difficiles habere nugas, 
 Et stultus labor est ineptiarum ;" 
 
 and am contented to discuss the true principles of waltzing, since, on 
 the true principle, the more practice, the more perfect ; but on false 
 principles, the more practice, the less perfect. 
 
 Let us begin by examining the English system. The waltz step 
 being completed in six beats of the music, should be counted 1, 2, 3, 
 4, 5, 6, not 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3. The gentleman is told to begin by a 
 twirl on the left foot to the 1,2, 3, of the music, and to take three 
 steps to the 4, 5, 6. The lady is told to take three steps to the 1, 2, 
 3, of the music, and to twirl on the left foo't to the 4, 5, 6. Between 
 the two, this makes a twirl ad infinitum. At the 1, 2, 3, the lady 
 runs round the gentleman while he twirls ; and at the 4, 5, 6, the 
 gentleman runs round the lady while she twirls. But nothing is more 
 to be desired in waltzing than getting over the ground ; and nothing 
 more to be avoided in it than this tee-totuming on the same ground. 
 There should be no twirl in the case. But in the English, that is 
 the Rhenish or Spanish waltz, the whole affair should consist, when 
 perfect, of three steps forward, in a circular direction, and, by turn- 
 ing, of three steps backward, in the same circular direction. The 
 best way to make this clear, the best way to ensure the getting off the 
 same ground, and the best and easiest way to begin the art, is to 
 
64 
 
 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 waltz in a square instead 6f a circular direction. Place two chairs in 
 tb > middle of the room, and practice the step according to the follow- 
 ing plan, clearing a side of the chair at each 3 and 6 of the music, 
 that is, in half a complete waltz step ; so that the square of each 
 chair is accomplished in two complete waltz steps. 
 
 gentleman's step in the figure of eight, in the 
 rhenish waltz. 
 
 Instead of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, to the time of the music, count "back 
 three steps ;" "front three steps." On the words " back three steps," 
 take three steps backward, beginning with the left foot, and turn to 
 the right at the 3 of the music. On the words " front three steps " 
 take three steps to the front, beginning with the right foot, and turn 
 to the right at the 6 of the music. The step in the reverse waltz is 
 the same, except that the turns are to the left, instead of to the right. 
 The lady's step is the same as the gentleman's, except that she be- 
 gins by advancing with the right foot, and therefore counts " front 
 three steps," " back three steps," and the plan for her step is the 
 same as the plan for the gentleman's, when the words back and front 
 are exchanged one for the other. The figure is delineated on squares 
 to show the principle ; and it should be so practised at first. But 
 when perfect, a circle should be described round each chair, changing 
 from one mode of waltzing to the other, after passing between the 
 chairs. 
 
 The numbers designate the time of the music, and the course taken 
 in the figure. 
 
 GENTLEMAN S STEP.* 
 
 Count " back three steps," " front 
 
 three steps." 
 steps 3. 2 three. 1 back. 6 steps, 
 front 4. 
 three 5. 
 
 Common waltzing, \ 5 three. 
 
 circling to the left < 
 
 and taming to the \ . ~ 
 
 right. 4 front. 
 
 steps 6. 1 back. 2 three. 3 steps, 
 three 5. 
 front 4. 
 
 Reverse waltzing, \ 4 front. 
 circling to the right \ 
 and turning to the \ - 
 left. 
 
 5 three. 
 
 steps 3. 2 three. 1 back. 6 steps. 
 
 lady's step. 
 
 Count " front three steps " " back 
 
 three steps." 
 steps 3. 2 three. 1 front. 6 steps. 
 
 back 4. 
 
 5 three. 
 
 Common waltzing, 
 
 \ circling to the left 5 
 
 . , I and turning to the > . , * 
 
 three 5. i r i g ht. 4 back, 
 
 steps 6. 1 front. 2 three. .3 steps. 
 
 three 5. < Reverse waltzing, > 4 back. 
 
 ? circling to the right 5 
 
 , , . 5 and turning to the s _ . 
 
 back 4. I left. j o three, 
 
 steps 3. 2 three. 1 front. 6 steps. 
 
WALTZING, 50 
 
 It will be perceived that after the 3, the common waltz is taken by 
 turning to the right ; the reverse waltz by turning to the left. Or the 
 change may be made after the 6, by beginning the step at one of the 
 sides of the squares, instead of at the top or bottom, as marked in the 
 plan. In fact, in all waltzing, a turn is made at each 3 and 6. To turn 
 to the right inclines you to circle to the left, which is common waltzing ; 
 to turn to the left inclines you to circle to the right, which is reverse 
 waltzing. To turn to the right or left is one as easy as the other. 
 The common waltz, or the reverse waltz, is one as easy as the other. 
 And to continue one mode of waltzing, or to change to the other, is 
 one as easy as the other. 
 
 This is the best mode for beginners to learn the step of the Rhen- 
 ish waltz. It is the best possible practice for waltzing, because it is 
 the best possible practice for getting over the ground ; since, if the 
 pupil twirls and dwells on the same ground, he will not clear the side 
 of the chair. This way of doing the figure of 8 is very easy, and 
 very beautiful. The old mode of doing it, turning to the right, even 
 while circling to the right, tends to encourage spinning on the same 
 ground. It must always be an exertion, and is, in general, a, most 
 ungraceful, not to say disgraceful exhibition. 
 
 3. 
 
 4. 
 5. j 
 
 6. 
 
 5. 
 4. 
 3, 
 
 4. 
 5. 
 6. 
 
 2. 
 
 SERPENTINE WALTZING. 
 
 1. 6. 6. 1. 
 
 1. Common 
 Waltzing. 
 
 1. 
 
 1. 
 
 1. 
 
 2. 
 
 2. 
 
 3. 
 
56 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 The change from one mode of waltzing to the other, alternately om 
 «tep of common waltzing, and one step of reverse waltzing, may b<? 
 practised according to the preceding plan, in the serpentine form 
 round any number of chairs. Serpentine lines as well as the figur 
 of 8 are delineated in squares, in order to make the principle appa 
 rent ; and they should be so practised at first. But when perfect 
 they should be performed on circular lines, making the change fron 
 one mode of waltzing to the other after passing between the chairs. 
 
 It is easy to go straight forward or backward, for any distance, 
 without circling or turning. Also good waltzers should be able to 
 keep straight lines while waltzing, either in the common or in the 
 reverse way ; that is, turning continuously either to the right or to 
 the left : or changing from one to the other. The step should be a 
 sort of glide ; something between a slide and a step. The fore part 
 of the foot should never quite leave the ground ; the heel should 
 never be raised more than sufficient to pass a sheet of paper under it. 
 
 In the gentleman's step, in the common waltz, particularly in 
 keeping straight lines, the left foot at 3 is turned very much in, that 
 is, to the right, to enable you to turn to the right ; and the right foot 
 at 6 is turned very much out, that is, also to the right, for the same 
 purpose. In the reverse waltz, the left foot at 3 is turned very much 
 out, that is, to the left, to enable you to turn to the left ; and the right 
 foot at 6 is turned very much in, that is, also to the left, for the same 
 purpose. The same principle reigns in the lady's step, but the right 
 foot marks the 3, and the left foot the 6. The feet at these numbers 
 are both turned to the right in the common waltz to enable you to 
 turn to the right, and circle to the left ; and they are both turned to 
 the left in the reverse waltz to enable you to turn to the left and circle 
 to the right. If these things are found difficult to apprehend in the 
 abstract, practice soon gives a muscular facility in them. In fact, 
 the waltz step must be intrusted to the most mysterious and least 
 forgetful of our memories — the memory of the muscles ; which " at 
 the fingers' ends," will how often thrid its way through the notes 
 of an air, the succession of which our mind has forgotten. But 
 teachers should know the theory of what they have to teach, though, 
 with their pupils they have, in general, to trust to practice only ; that 
 is, to muscular, not mental apprehension, and to muscular, not mental 
 memory. And they must be satisfied if they can dun into the heels 
 what the head is unwilling or unable to apprehend. 
 
WALTZING. 57 
 
 It is a common error with the gentleman to have his left shoulder 
 farther from his partner's right shoulder than his right shoulder is 
 from her left. He should be exactly opposite his partner ; and the 
 shoulders of both should describe parallel lines. It is the common 
 error with the lady to hang her whole weight on the gentleman's arm. 
 Ladies should practise the step by themselves, and with one another. 
 On the principle which has been laid down, it is perfectly easy for 
 two persons to waltz, and even to do the figure of 8, without holding 
 one another at all. No one should pretend to waltz who can not do 
 this. You should be able to do the step perfectly by yourself, before 
 you begin with another person. 
 
 For all waltzing, one of the best practices is, both alone and with 
 a partner, to waltz the largest possible square which can be executed 
 in two complete waltz steps. Place four chairs together, touching 
 one another, and waltz the square of them in two complete waltz 
 steps ; that is, clearing one side of the square at each 3 and 6 of the 
 music. This should be practised in the common waltz, and in the 
 reverse waltz, and changing from one mode of waltzing to the other, 
 so as to retrograde over the same ground, without stopping, or making 
 any cessation in the step. When this is accomplished with ease, 
 draw the chairs apart from each other by degrees, so as to enlarge 
 the square waltzed on. 
 
 This practice proves and improves the quantity of space covered 
 in the step, the directness of the step, and the equality of the step ; 
 that is, it necessitates one half of the step, measured by time, beiri£ 
 also equal in the space covered to the other half step. Without this 
 test, it is a common error in the Rhenish waltz, to cover more space 
 with the front half step, than with the back half step, or vice versa ; 
 and in the German waltz a deux temps, to cover more space with the 
 right half step, than with the left half step, or vice versa. 
 
 Of course, directly in proportion to the velocity, and to the slipper- 
 iness of the floor, is the facility of keeping straight lines, and the 
 difficulty of keeping circles or squares. 
 
 So much for the English, or French, or Spanish waltz, or as the 
 Germans call it, the Rhenish waltz, " Der Rheiner Waltzer." The 
 German waltz, a, deux temps, is exactly contrary in its principle to the 
 Rhenish waltz. The motion, instead of being always backward or 
 forward, is always directly sideways. The beats of the feet, instead 
 of being in three time, are in two time. The step, or these beats of 
 
58 
 
 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 of the feet, may be said to begin with the contrary foot to that on 
 which they begin in the Rhenish waltz, and the turn is at a different 
 time of the music. 
 
 I shall give two modes of doing the German step. There are many. 
 
 No. 1. — Gentleman's step in the figure of 8, a deux temps. 
 
 Count " turn, left, slide," " turn, right, slide." On the word " turn," 
 turn to the right on the right foot, making a beat with it ; that is, while 
 standing on the right foot, make a slight rise, and again fall on it. At 
 the same time, move the left foot to the left, and bring it to the ground. 
 On the word " left," pass the weight over the left foot without any 
 beat. On the word " slide," make a slide to the left, with both feet 
 as much as possible at once. On the word " turn," turn to the right 
 on the left foot, making a rise and a beat with it, at the same time 
 moving the right foot to the right, and bringing it to the ground. On 
 the word "right," pass. the weight over the right foot, without any 
 beat. On the word " slide," make a slide to the right with both feet 
 as much as possible at once. 
 
 The step in the reverse waltz is the same, except that the turns 
 are to the left instead of to the right. 
 
 The lady's step is the same as the gentleman's, except that she 
 begins with the contrary foot, and therefore counts "turn, right, 
 slide," " turn, left, slide." And the plan is the same for her step as 
 for the gentleman's, when the words right and left are exchanged one 
 for the other. The numbers designate the time of the music, and 
 the course taken in the figure. 
 
 No. 1. — gentleman's step. 
 
 Count "turn, left, slide," 
 right, slide." 
 3 slide. 2 left. 
 
 turn 
 
 turn 4. 
 right 5. 
 slide 6. 
 turn 1. 
 slide 6. 
 right 5. 
 turn 4. 
 
 Common waltzing, 
 circling to the left 
 and turning to the 
 right. 
 
 2 left. 3 slide 
 
 Reverse waltzing, 
 circling to the right 
 and turning to the 
 left. 
 
 3 slide. 2 left. 
 
 No. 1. — lady's step. 
 Count " turn, right, slide," " turn, 
 left, slide." 
 3 slide. 2 right. 1 turn. 
 
 ) Common waltzing, ? 6 slide. 
 
 \ circling to the left > 
 
 I and turning to the ) - , « 
 
 t right. i O left. 
 
 turn 4. 
 
 left 5. 
 
 slide 6. 
 
 turn 1. 2 right. 3 slide 
 
 slide 6. 
 
 left 5. j 
 
 turn 4. 3 slide. 2 right. 1 turn. 
 
 4 turn. 
 
 Reverse waltzing, \ 5 left. 
 
 circling to the right s 
 
 and turning to the \ _ ,. , 
 
 left. \ 6 slide. 
 
WALTZING. 
 
 59 
 
 This step is really a. deux temps as well as a deux pas. Since 
 in the first half of the step there is no beat at the 2 of the music, but 
 only at the 1, and the 3. And in the second half there is no beat 
 at the 5, but only at the 4, and the 6. 
 
 There is another common way of waltzing a deux temps, as 
 follows : 
 
 No. 2. — gentleman's step in the figure of 8, A deux temps. 
 
 Count " left, slide, turn," '• right, side, turn." On the word "left," 
 take a step to the left with the left foot. On the word " slide," a slide 
 to the left with both feet as much as possible at once. On the word 
 " turn," turn to the right on the left foot without moving it. On the 
 word " right," take a step to the right with the right foot. On the 
 word " slide," a slide to the right with both feet, as much as possible 
 at once. On the word " turn," turn to the right on the right foot with- 
 out moving it. 
 
 The step in the reverse waltz is the same, except that the turns 
 are to the left instead of to the right. 
 
 The lady's step is the same as the gentleman's, except that she 
 begins with the right foot, and therefore counts " right, slide, turn," 
 " left, slide, turn," and the plan is the same for her step as for the 
 gentleman's, when the words right and left are exchanged one for 
 the other. 
 
 The numbers designate the time of the music, and the course taken 
 in the figure. 
 
 d d 
 No. 2. — gentleman's step. 
 
 Count ' 
 
 turn 3. 
 right 4. 
 slide 5. 
 turn 6. 
 slide 5. 
 right 4. 
 turn 3 . 
 
 left, slide, turn," 
 slide, turn." 
 2 slide. 1 left. 
 
 Common waltzing, 
 circling to the left 
 and turning to the ; 
 right. 
 
 1 left. 2 slide. 
 
 Reverse waltzing, 
 circling to the right 
 and t urning to the 
 left. 
 
 2 slide. 1 left. 
 
 " right, 
 
 6 turn. 
 5 slide. 
 4 right. 
 
 3 turn. 
 
 4 right. 
 
 5 slide. 
 
 6 turn. 
 
 No. 2. — lady's step. 
 Count " right, slide, turn," " left, 
 slide, turn." 
 2 slide. 1 QJfht 6 turn. 
 5 slide. 
 4 left. 
 3 turn. 
 
 4 left. 
 
 5 slide. 
 
 Reverse waltzing, 
 circling to the right 
 and turning to the 
 left. 
 
 turn 3. 2 slide. 1 right. 6 turn. 
 
60 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 This step, like No. 1., is really a, deux temps, as well as a deux pas, 
 since the first half of it is completed at the 2 of the music, and the 
 second half at the 5 ; while at the 3 and 6 of the music, no step or 
 beat of the foot is made, but merely a turn. 
 
 Both these steps are used for the galop. But in the galop the 
 halt at each turn is of the same duration as the side step ; that is, 
 there are two beats of the music for the side step, and two beats of 
 the music for the turn ; and if no turn is made, but straight lines 
 continued without turning, as there is no halt, double the number of 
 side steps are made in the same time as would be when turning. In 
 the waltz, the halt at each turn is only of half the duration of the 
 side step ; that is, there are two beats of the music for the side step, 
 but only one beat for the turn : for this reason, in the waltz you can 
 not go on straight lines sidewise without turning, as you can in 
 the galop, since the alternate steps which should be equal in space, 
 would be unequal in time. 
 
 The first half of No. 2, with a halted turn on the right foot, in- 
 stead of the second half, is taught and used for the German waltz for 
 the gentleman. The lady doing the complete step. 
 
 A pretty step may be practised a, deux pas, but not a deux temps, 
 according to the following plan. 
 
 GENTLEMAN'S STEP IN THE FIGURE OF 8, A DEUX PAS, BUT NOT A 
 
 DEUX TEMPS. 
 
 Count " left three steps," " right three steps." On the words 
 " left three steps," take three steps to the left, beginning with the left 
 foot, and turn to the right. On the words " right three steps," take 
 three steps to the right, beginning with the right foot, and turn to the 
 right. 
 
 The step in the reverse waltz is the same, except that the turns 
 are to the left, instead of to the right. 
 
 The lady's step is the same as the gentleman's, except that she 
 begins with the right foot, and therefore counts " right three steps," 
 "•left three steps ;" and the plan for her step is the same as for the 
 gentleman's, when the words right and left are exchanged one for the 
 other. 
 
 The numbers designate the time of the music, and the course taken 
 in the figure. 
 
WALTZING. 
 
 61 
 
 GENTLEMAN S STEP. 
 
 Count " left three steps," " right, 
 
 three steps." 
 steps 3. 2 three. 1 left. 6 steps, 
 right 4. J common waltzing, < 5 three. 
 
 < circling to the left j 
 , _. and turning to the \ . . , 
 
 three o. } right. 4 right, 
 
 steps 6. 1 left. 2 three. 3 steps. 
 
 three 5. \ Reverse waltzing, \ 4 right, 
 circling to the right ? 
 . and turning to the < .. , 
 
 right 4. \ left. I o three, 
 
 steps 3. 2 three. 1 left. 6 steps. 
 
 lady's step. 
 
 Count " right three steps," " left 
 
 three steps." 
 steps 3. 2 three. 1 right. 6 steps, 
 left 4. \ Common waltzing, t 5 three. 
 
 \ circling to the left ) 
 . \ and turning to the > . , » 
 
 three 5. right. | 4 left. 
 
 steps 6. 1 right. 2 three. 3 steps. 
 
 three 5. i Reverse waltzing, J 4 left. 
 ? circling to the right jj 
 '._ . > and turning to the \ _ . 
 
 left 4. | left. > 5 three. 
 
 steps 3. 2 three. 1 right. 6 steps. 
 
 In the gentleman's step at the 1, 2, 3 of the music, the left foot 
 marks the 1, and the left shoulder leads three steps to the left. At 
 the 4, 5, 6 of the music, the right foot marks the 4, and the right 
 shoulder leads three steps to the right. But at the 2 and the 5 the 
 heels come together ; so that as the foot which comes to the ground 
 at the 2 and 5, only takes the same step which the preceding foot 
 has just taken, though three beats are made, the space of only two 
 steps is passed over, where three actual steps are made in the 
 Rhenish waltz. This step, therefore, may be considered a deux pas, 
 though not a deux temps. 
 
 As in the Rhenish waltz, these steps should be first learned and 
 practised on squares, along the sides of two chairs, in the form of the 
 figure of 8. Serpentine lines may be practised for alternating the 
 common and reverse waltz, as explained for the Rhenish waltz ; also 
 straight lines, making continuous turns to the right, or continuous 
 turns to the left, or changing from one to the other. 
 
 Both the Rhenish and German waltzes are easily learned, so that 
 either may be taken, at the option of your partner ; and if perfectly 
 performed, each is a most exquisitely graceful dance. But let no one 
 couple attempt both steps at once. 
 
 For any one who can only dance the German step, which is in 
 two time, to attempt it with one who can only dance the Rhenish 
 step, which is in three time, is somewhat to surpass the quidlibet au- 
 dendi. Mingle, mingle, spirits that may, and tigers and lambs, and 
 all the rest of Horace's unmingleables may be brought together. But 
 
62 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 the two steps must remain incapable of amalgamation till two is made 
 equal to three. 
 
 Indeed, a person must be able to conform to any step, or to force 
 his partner to conform to his own step, or he must know who does 
 which step, before he ventures to ask them to dance. 
 
 Even the two modes which I have given of performing the Ger- 
 man waltz a deux temps, are wholly incapable of working together. 
 For though these two steps are apparently very similar, they differ 
 essentially. For instance, No. 1 makes a beat with the feet, and 
 passes them sidewise at the 3 and 6 of the music. No. 2 makes no 
 beat of the feet, but halts and turns at the 3 and 6. No. 2 makes a 
 beat with the feet, and passes them sidewise, at the 2 and 5 of the 
 music ; No. 1 makes no beat, and the feet are stationary at the 2 and 
 5. No. 1 turns at the 1 and 4 of the music ; No. 2 turns at the 3 
 and 6 of the music. In No. 1 you may be said to push yourself side- 
 wise with the rear or non-leading foot, at the 1 and 4 of the music. 
 In No. 2, to draw yourself sidewise with the advanced or leading 
 foot, at the 2 and 5 of the music. 
 
 Thus if any one couple were to attempt these two steps together, 
 the feet of one would be in motion and beating time, while those of 
 the other were stationary and not beating time ; and one would be 
 turning while the other would be going sidewise. 
 
 On the comparative merits of the Rhenish and German waltzes, I 
 should decide thus. The German waltz is much the best for per- 
 sons of ordinary qualities, since it is infinitely the most easy to ap- 
 prehend mentally, and infinitely the most easy to execute corporeal- 
 ly ; and, in general, that is the best, which is the best executed ; but 
 for persons of extraordinary qualities, the Rhenish waltz is incompar- 
 ably superior. This is certain, that if the three steps forward and 
 backward are really executed, half as much ground again is passed 
 over in the Rhenish waltz, as is passed over in the German waltz, 
 since in the Rhenish waltz three steps are taken where two only are 
 taken in the German waltz. But in consequence of the difficulty of 
 this, not one person will be found to perform the Rhenish waltz in 
 perfection, where thousands will perform the German waltz in per- 
 fection. Indeed, I have never yet seen any two persons together who 
 did the real three steps forward and backward of the Rhenish waltz 
 in the perfection of which it is capable. And as the quicker the 
 time, the more difficulty in covering space ; so the quicker the time, 
 
WALTZING. 63 
 
 the more difficult the Rhenish waltz as compared with the German 
 waltz, since in the Rhenish waltz one third more space is covered in 
 the same time than is covered in the German waltz. The German 
 waltz is, indeed, the quickest in general, because the weak, the heavy, 
 and the slow can do it more quickly than they can the Rhenish waltz. 
 Also those who are so weak, heavy, or slow, as to be unable to keep 
 up to the time of modern waltzing in any step, find a greater facility 
 in keeping behind the time in the German waltz than they do in the 
 Rhenish waltz. That is, this very common out-of-time shirking is less 
 perceptible in the German waltz than it is in the Rhenish waltz. In 
 fact, a very great proportion of those who waltz a deux temps, or in 
 two time, waltz in no time, or in false time ; that is, they waltz to 
 their own time, instead of to the time of the music. The way to de- 
 tect, and to correct this very common error, is to observe in the gen- 
 tleman's step, that the left foot always leads at the 1, and the right 
 foot at the 4 of the music. And in the lady's step, that the right foot 
 always leads at the 1, and the left foot at the 4 of the music. This 
 should be invariable. Let the young and active perforin the Rhenish 
 waltz, and subside into the German waltz when their powers or those 
 of their partners are not equal to the Rhenish waltz. 
 
 But let all waltzers learn both waltzes. 
 
 The great thing is practice, both alone and with a partner. The 
 beginner is too apt to think the affair finished when he has learned 
 the step. But practice is not more necessary in skating than it is in 
 waltzing. 
 
 By long and patient practice by himself, the pupil will, as in ska- 
 ting, imperceptibly attain a gradual, but great improvement in power, 
 rapidity, length and directness of step, smoothness, and endurance, 
 both muscular and vascular (wind). It is, indeed, with waltzing as 
 with every other accomplishment, mental or corporeal, " wha does 
 the utmost that he can, shall whiles do mair." 
 
 There are three modes of shirking in waltzing. We may keep the 
 time, and* neglect to cover space, or we may cover space, and neglect 
 to keep the time ; or (what is most common, particularly a. deux 
 temps), we may neglect both time and space, and complacently pud- 
 dle round small circles, behind time. But in first-rate waiting, pace 
 is a sine qua. non. And in pace, space as well as time is a sine qua 
 non ; that is, for pace the step must not only be rapid in point, of 
 time, but must cover space. 
 
64 ETIQUETTE, AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY. 
 
 In first-rate waltzing, as the sportsman says, we must " go the paco 
 and keep it." But " it is the pace that kills." Practice only, on the 
 true principle, will enable us even to go the pace ; and practice only 
 will enable us to keep it ; that is, practice only will give us the pace 
 of activity, which enables us to take so many steps, of such a length, 
 in such a time, and which depends on the muscular system. And 
 practice only will give us the pace of endurance, which enables us 
 to continue the exertion, and depends chiefly on the vascular system 
 — on the power and action of the heart and lungs (wind). 
 
 First-rate waltzing is as great an exertion as racing ; that is, it is 
 the greatest exertion possible. Many ladies fall victims to it from 
 want of condition ; that is, from not being prepared for it by other 
 exercise, or from not being gradually inured to it by practising the 
 thing itself. But " graciles non sunt sine viribus artus." And, with 
 practice (which is training), how often is the lady found to be the 
 superior, both in speed and endurance. 
 
 Supposing gradual training, waltzing, like any other exercise, is a 
 great promoter of health and strength ; but to persons out of condi- 
 tion, that is, out of work, waltzing, like any other strong exercise, is 
 destruction. It is destruction to race a horse which is out of work. 
 From the abuse, however, we must not argue against the use of ex- 
 ercise. 
 
 THE END. 
 

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 1843