ANGElfj)> g ^HBRARYQf \\\E -UNIVERJ/A ^/OdlTVDJO TAimfc 5 i t r" \\\[ ISIVER.V/^. ^x ^= 2, "~^ QC ^M " - \\\E I'NIVERI//, v \\\f -UNIVERS/^. x \i ^\ J=^ ^ OFCAilFO% UNIVERS/A ^L Stack Annex 5019065 THE SPOILT CHILD. AN ADDRESS IN THE RODEF SHALOM TEMPLE PITTSBURGH, SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1912. Scripture Reading, Proverbs Hi. Whom the Lord loveth He corrected!, as a father the son in whom he delighteth. (Proverbs iii., 12.) A moment's consideration of human society will make it clear that most of all that we possess of per- manent worth has cqme to us out of the struggle man was forced to undergo for the protection of his child. While he might lead his consort hither and thither, and while. they might easily withstand the ravages of storm and strain, he was soon compelled to find some shelter in which to protect their child. Thus the home grew out of the bitter experiences endured by early man and woman in their endeavor fo save their offspring. *By the Rev. J. Leonard Levy, Rabbi of the Congregation. Stenographically reported by Caroline Loewenthal. What Society Has Done for the Child. If we consider the vast expenditures now being made tOr public education, we shall soon realize that they rep- resent an offering produced through the wisdom gained by a lung experience which has taught us that the safety of the State- depends upon educated citizens. Every uni- ver>itv which graces the earth has grown out of the desire to provide the means of education for the coming generation. I '.very public school, which annually sends out into the world boys and girls trained for the duties of life, i- but the product of a long period of human -i niggle during which man learned that that which he iiad -ained after many years of trial would be conserved in the di-tant future, onlv if his progeny were educated. Kvcry hospital, every orphan asylum, every institu- tion ,,f mercy which graces the earth as the flowers adorn a -ninmer garden, and which represents the ripe blos- -"iii of human affection, exists because man, through his wanderings and sufferings, through his trials and tri- umph-, learned that he must properly protect and fortify the rising generation if permanence is to be given to the human race. Kvery effort now being made by devoted men and \\oiuen to a-sure social stability is, in the ultimate, the product of the desire of faithful parents to guide the child, to give it the best chance in life, and to secure for posterity the best possible results of human endeavor. The most important social factor is the child. All our hopes and aims and ambitions are centered in this pro- duct of the human affections. All our anticipations and fondest dreams are woven about our children, those little strings from the lute of love designed to produce harmony and music in the world. Filial Gratitude. It is surely true, speaking in the most general way, that a child rarely can fully> repay its parents for the self- devotion, the self-consecration, and the self-sacrifice, which every normal father and mother manifest towards tlreir little ones. No child should ever forget that it owes its body, its mind, its soul, its affectional disposi- tion, all it is and has, to the father who created it and to the mother who bore it and nourished it with her own life-giving sustenance. The color of the hair, the ex- pression of the eye, the tone of the voice, the motion of the hand, the grace of the body, the ability of the mind, all, in the last analysis, are products, more or less, of a careful mother's prayer and of a father's unending labor. Filial Respect. Though it may be necessary for a teacher some- times, even in the hearing of the child, to discuss with parents their own delinquencies, every honest boy and girl, every young son and daughter that is not a cad or a prig will confirm the words of Alexander the Great, uttered in reply to one who had adversely criticised the conqueror's mother. Said he, in so many words, "One word of my mother will more than outweigh anything he may say against her." The words spoken here this morning are most general in character, and are not an invitation to children to sit in judgment on their parents. On the contrary if some parental failings are considered, every boy and girl, in whose heart is a spark of esteem for all that their parents have done for them, will, it is hoped, but learn to avoid similar errors in the years when they are parents. A Wreck. S<>nie time ago I was standing on the boardwalk at Atlantic City gazing on a ship that had foundered at sea after striking some hidden rock or shoal. A few hours l>ef'>re the magnificent vessel was like a thing of life; all ii< >ails were set, the men on board were full of ac- tivity. an\ius to enter the harbor to enjoy the fruit of their til after many months sailing over many oceans. The vessel was a fine specimen of modern American ship-building, but because of the lack of watchfulness on the part of those who directed it, or because of some current which played havoc with the rudder, or because of wind, weather or a visitation of God, or from whatso- ever cause you will, this ship now lay upon its side, a wreck, its cargo flating upon the sea and, very probably, lost to its owners forever. I deplored this destruction; I felt sad at this sight; but I have never been more sad- dened by, nor have I ever more profoundly deplored any sight than the desolation I have seen in hospital, reforma- tory, penitentiary, jail, and on the highways and byways of life, where I have so frequently came face to face with the wreck, not of timber and sails, but of human life. Human Wrecks. There are few of us here present, if we are honest with ourselves, but will confess that very largely, not alto- gether, but very largely, these human wrecks, strewn hither and thither over the face of the earth, are the product of the weakness of those whom God and nature have assigned to guide the child. "Whomsoever the Lord loveth, He correcteth," and every wise father cor- rects the child he loves and every wise mother adminis- ters admonition when it is needed. The failure to cor- rect and admonish properly and seasonably is often the cause of such wreckage, the worst specimen of which is found in the spoilt child, weakened by the inefficient guidance of parents who knew not the duties and re- sponsibilities of parenthood. When, in a word, we see a ship founder on the un- seen rocks or keel over on the sunken shoals, we are dis- tressed, and we are apt to blame the captain for in- competence, ignorance or inattention to duty. When we see a human wreck, destroyed on the rocks of tempta- tion or overturned on the hidden shoals of ignorance, we weep, and we are ^pt to blame the natural protectors for failure to provide a fitting compass and rudder to guide and control. The Good Parent. Many of us have an exceedingly poor idea of what constitutes a good father and a good mother. The aver- age man seems to believe that, if he leaves home in the morning for his day's labors and spends unbroken hours ' 5 in his shop or office, he is a good husband, a good father, because he can abundantly supply the needs of the household, because he can indulge every whim of his child, because he enables it to be clothed in silks and satins and velvets, because he brings to it every pleasure earth affords and because he surrounds it in the home with every form of refinement in material things. Clothes vs. Character. I say to you that, in many such homes, in spite of their evidences of sensual refinement, the only unrefined "bjeets are often those who foolishly provide such luxuri- i'us environment for children who are unfitted for it. Many a mother seems to believe that, if she exercise all her ingenuity in studying "La Mode" or "La Saison," MI- in IKT French books of fashion, or if she puts "purple and line linen" on her child's back and sends it out to be the envy of other children, she has done her full duty. Suppose we went to the interior of Africa, taking with us trunkftils of twentieth century clothing! Sup- pose we were there to invite the king of some savage tribe to attire himself in a dress suit, and give him a silk hat and gloves and pumps; suppose we were to ask his dusky wife to attire herself in the most fashionable even- in- -costume ; do you think that these savages clothed as was not Solomon in all his glory, were, on this account, civili/ed? Don't you realize that while clothes may, in some way, impress the eye, they leave the soul unim- proved? they leave the individual morally unim- pressed? Foolishly, indeed, do those parents act who lavish time and attention on the child's physical adorn- ment to the neglect of its spiritual and mental develop- ment. How many children have been spoilt by such parental errors is beyond my power to recount ! No worse enemy can a child have than a guide who exalts the child's physical, at the expense of its mental, moral and spiritual, powers ! Money vs. Morals. There' are also fathers who think that the greatest good they can achieve for their offspring is the acquisition of a large fortune, so that when, in due time, the last will and testament is read, it is found that the family is not only beyond want, but that it inherits the largest estate in the community. As society is now constituted the effort and toil exerted by men will be rewarded by money ; but be not so foolish, parents, as to believe that the best thing you can leave your progeny is much money. Observation has taught us that among the most worthless creatures are the children of millionaires to whom a large fortune has been left by parents who failed to develop in their offspring the social responsibilities which such a fortune brings. Few greater mistakes do we make than when we so act in the presence of young children that we unduly impress them with the idea that a man is a man when he is rich and that he is no man un- less he is rich. Moral Model, Not Mammon. I wish to be most emphatic in my assertion that money is a valuable help to society, that money has its most important place in the economy of life, and that we are right to toil for that which may bring advantages to us and opportunities to our children. Never accuse me,' men and women, of indulging a communistic hatred of money as such; but I have a hatred, inexpressibly great, and a contempt unspeakably deep, for the folly of those who unduly emphasize the value and possession of money, knowing as I do that there are so many things which we can give our children, and which we owe to those whom we created of our own free will, which far transcend mere money in value and import- ance. I do not consider that parent a good father or a good mother who has devoted the whole of life to the ac- quisition of money thereby neglecting those qualities which may be an illumination to the child's life. I do not regard that man and woman as good parents who have given all the passing years to the accumulation of a fortune failing thereby to devote proper time to the true education, supervision and direction of their off- spring which they brought to this world without having consulted them. Without any fear of successful con- tradiction, I say in the most general way that the aver- age human wreck can be traced to this type of so-called good father and good mother who pampered and petted and spoilt their child, failing to remember that "whom- soever the Lord loveth He correcteth, as a father the son in whom he delighteth." Needed Preparation for Parenthood. We are beginning to realize that, in every profes- sion, art or occupation, the individual who is to advance must have proficient knowledge. I am speaking to men of excellent business character and ability. There is not a business man here who obtained his business training without effort, or, having made a success of his business, achieved it without hard and bitter experience. Speak- ing as a professional man, I know that there are certain- ly very few men who have ever risen to eminence in professional life but frequently burned the midnight oil, but shed many a tear of despair, but sacrificed amuse- ment to the honor of their Muse. Were we to invite a young person to take charge of an important department of our business, I am sure that we would not accept him unless he could prove that he possesses character, ability, and previous experience. In this age we do not pay in business for mere mechanical human devices. There are only two elements for which men pay in the business world, and those who possess these are invaluable, almost beyond price. We pay for brain, for knowledge, for ability, and we pay a high price for it; and we pay for character, responsibility, relia- bility ; for little else will sensible men offer high rewards to employees. Were you, for instance, to invite a man to fill the pulpit of your congregation, you would expect that he had been fully prepared to act as a teacher of men and women, as well as of children. If I understand the tern- per of this congregation I am sure you will never, here- after, accept any man as Rabbi of Rodeph Shalom unless he is at least a graduate of a university and of a theologi- cal seminary. You will demand that of my successors, and you will expect more. You will desire not only ability, but you will also demand character, and for that you will offer great rewards. The Art of all Arts. Hut in the art of all arts, that of parenthood, the most sacred business of life, no previous training, knowl- edge i >r experience is demanded of those who are to un- dertake the moulding of a human soul for its life destiny. A> a consequence it happens, all too often, that ill-suited couples wed only to become parents of defectives pro- duced by their inefficiency and ignorance. How often it occurs that young persons of different sexes meet amid the palms of some conservatory, when the lamps are turned low and when the orchestra is performing >ome seductive, dreamy, piece of waltz music, and emo- tionalism takes the place of sentiment to the undoing of both. In the superficial and artificial atmosphere of inane society such sentimentality passes for the love "that is -tnng as death," but which, in reality, is the source of those conditions which later produce the marriage Deficiency in Parent Produces Defectiveness in Child. It is not surprising that, when ignorance of parental responsibility, incompetence and inattention meet and wed. later on, the spoilt child is born. I am morally cer- 10 taint that, to a great degree, out of such relationships come the deficient, defective and degenerate among the young. The spoilt child, whose whim is the law of the household, whose dainty hands are created to do no work, whose luxury-loving ways are an indictment of its weak and stupid parents, whose imperious and im- pudent insensibility to moral obligations are the con- demnation of the parents, is a curse to itself, its parents and to the society which it burdens with its presence. Hope Arises from Original Virtue. As Jews we believe that every child comes into this world with a spotless brow and a stainless heart, a bun- dle of infinite possibilities. Every Sabbath we recite in our prayers, "O Lord, the soul which thou hast given unto me came pure from Thee." In that prayer we give expression to the belief that Original Sin finds no place in Jewish theology. We teach Original Virtue. Sin is not the result of our first father's mistake. Every child born in normal health comes prepared to take its place in the world. It has no walk in it but it has feet, and we teach it to walk. It has no voice in it but it has a tongue, and we teach it to speak. It has no sight in it but it has eyes, and we accustom them to the light. It has no knowledge in it but it has a brain, and we teach it to gain wisdom and to find understanding. The little child has to be not only taught, but also trained. The difference between teaching and training the child is this : the teacher, whether it be the father, mother, or school-instructor, gives the child ideas; but teaching 11 becomes training when the parent, guardian, or guide so transforms these ideas that they are put into practice. Teaching often strikes one ear of the child and goes out of the other; but training enters into the very soul of the child, so that, ultimately, its will responds with un- erring accuracy. How the Child is Spoilt. There are few things worse for a child than that it should reach maturity without the correction necessary f.n its guidance, without the discipline required for self- control and self-restraint. More children have reason to attribute their failure in life to foolish parental in- dulgence than to wise parental correction. Deficiency in parents will produce defectiveness in the child. Be- cause so many weak parents cannot say "No," when a firm denial is needed, or "Yes," when encouraging affirmation is desired, the child grows to maturity to find it>elf the sport of every wave of passion and the toy of every storm of lust. Like food spoilt by overseasoning, like (lowers spoilt by over-much water, like music spoilt by unnecessary emphasis, like an oration spoilt by large words and superabundant rhetoric, like pictures spoilt by inharmonious colors, so the dear child is spoilt by the over-indulgence of weak, though well-meaning, parents who fail to correct its xlefects in early life and who know not how to discipline it when guidance and control are needed. Dr. Brill's Observations. I have here in my hand a little pamphlet by Dr. A 12 A. Brill, of New York, entitled "The Only or Favorite Child in Adult Life." It is a reprint from the "New York State Journal of Medicine," of August, 1912, and can be obtained for the asking. I would that you might read it. Speaking of the spoilt child he says, "If one should ask wherein these difficulties" (experienced by this type of child to adjust itself to its environment) "lie, the ex- perienced psychanalyst would readily point to the par- ents. Indeed, the more we study the psychoneuroses the clearer it becomes that the most potent factor in their determination is the early parental influence." Sad to relate the child, spoilt by inefficient parents even when there are many children in the house, is almost invariably spoilt when its parents have deliberately robbed it of its rightful claim to the proper companionship of a young child or children growing with it through its earliest years. Such a child becomes, says Dr. Brill, "a very poor competitor in the struggle for existence lacks in- dependence, self-confidence and practical skill, is very hard to associate with people of his own age, while the slightest depreciation, hardly noticeable by the aver- age person, is sufficient to throw him into a fit of depres- sion and rage lasting for days and even weeks . He develops into a confirmed egoist In later life he is ex- tremely conceited, jealous and envious, he begrudges the happiness of friends and acquaintances and he is, therefore, shunned and disliked." Society's Duty. If you will further follow the case of the spoilt child it will repay you to read "The Coming Generation," by 13 Dr. \Y. B. Forbresh. This type frequently manifests the characteristics of the mentally and morally deficient in whom lies "a genius for wickedness," indulged by the foolish habits of otherwise good parents who cannot bring themselves to do anything which may thwart the child they think they love. If such disastrous results ensue from the incapacity of parents, ought we not take steps to avoid the dreadful waste of what might be most promising material? Ought not society protect itself by insisting that education should be so directed that it prepares the young for the place they will one day occupy as parents? Correction Necessary. The fond parents are apt to believe their goose to be a >\van. and that their children are modern Venuses i>r Adonises. That might be excused if only these young Minis were properly trained for the duties of life and were in it led to believe that shrewdness and cunning, and cruelty and sharp dealing, are commendable. Many of the clever and bright things said or done by boys and girls, the mean tricks they perform and the impudent replies they make, bring the smile to parents' faces, when they should be reproached with the utmost firmness. In this undiscriminating mark of approval lies the beginning <-f the downfall of many a man and woman, and their failure to realixe the best possibilities of their nature. Patterns Not Punishments. \Ve have, thank God, emerged from the era in which it was proverbial that "a woman, a dog, and a walnut 14 tree, the more you beat them the better they'll be." The savage is growing into the human and, therefore, it is no longer deemed necessary to strike a child in order to correct it. If a parent desires to impress a moral ideal upon the mind and soul of the child, God has fur- nished the natural medium for the purpose. If a parent would provide a child with the power to resist evil, God has provided the natural means of doing so. The rod is not the medium, nor is the whip the means. For every demon of evil driven out by a stripe laid on in anger, ten are driven in. For every reproof uttered by an en- raged parent to its child, a hundred arguments are raised in the mind of the young in rebuttal. The parent's anger and rage are the evidences that it knows not how to correct a child. The eye is a more immediate avenue to the mind and soul, than the ear or any other bodily organ. Children need patterns, not punishments. They require models, not stripes. They want examples, not speeches. I am not surprised that the man who said, "T never strike my son, except in self-defense," should have had a son against whom he found it necessary to protect himself. } The Help from Religion. The really wise and good parent will early train the child to a religious life. The normal child is by nature religious, and its pure soul craves for the exercises and ideals provided by a simple and beautiful rational relig- ion. Nothing can ever supply the place which religion should occupy in child-life. The parent who ever utters 15 a sneering word about religion, or shows contempt for it. in the presence of a child, does the young more harm than years and years of effort can replace. Do not misunderstand me! I do not mean that you may not adversely criticize a teacher, religious or secu- lar; but you ought not do so in the hearing of a child of tender years. It associates and identifies religion with the minister and education with the teacher. It argues that if the minister is not good religion is not good, and that, if the teacher is not respected by the parents, education is unworthy of respect. Children can- not make fine differentiations and, I verily believe, the parents guilty of bringing religion into disrepute with their child are the foes of their own offspring. After all, religion does develop self-restraint and self-control, and "he that conquers his spirit is greater than he that taketh a citv." After many thousands of years of human ex- perience nothing lias been found to supply these needed clement- as can religion. If, then, you love your dear, promising children, train them in the way everlasting, for their good and for the sake of your own happiness. Save the Child From Being Spoilt. If you would save the child from being spoilt train it early to become independent, to stand on its own feet, to take care of itself. For the life of me I cannot under- stand why parents are unwilling to let their child pass through the experiences they endured early in life, and vhich not only did not harm them but became sources of strength to them. When the mother eagle knows 16 that her young can fly, she forces them on to her wings, leaps into space with them, and thus compels them to use their wings in flight. Should we show less intelli- gence than a bird? Let the child early understand that life means struggle, and that, if it would become some- body and something, it must be physically, mentally, morally and spiritually equipped for the contest. Only thus will strength replace weakness. A child ought to learn quite early in life that the icy winds are no colder today than when father was a boy, and that the sun is no warmer now than when mother was a girl. The Strength of Struggle. Many of the necessary elements in discipline, many of the difficulties which must be surmounted as the child grows to adult life, should be intelligently explained to it as trials imposed by God to strengthen and develop His children. Last night I watched a young dog con- tending with a big bone which it scraped and gnawed and bit, and I realized that I knew what the brute knew not. I knew that that was the method which nature de- signs as the process for sharpening the animal's teeth, so that some day it may be able to feed properly and defend itself and its protector against enemies. Were I asked to offer a prayer for the children you and I love so much, I am sure that I would include in my words some such phrase as this, "O God, send these dear ones difficulties that they may prove themselves men and women, and take out of their lives ease, that effort may force them to prove their worth." 17 Find Advice. \Ve should understand that our little children are, after all, very like ourselves and they will show none of those qualities we admire unless we train them to such end.* Experience shows that the worst and most worth- less children are those boys and girls with dainty hands. Let us try to make the little one understand that every- thing that is done for it should evoke on its part an equivalent return. Such results can be achieved if we are convinced that the cradle is a shrine; the home a sanctuary; the parents, priests; the little children, the congregation. In the last analysis there is no orator that has a tithe of the power possessed by the mother who teaches her child of God; nor is there any -culptor who has one-tenth the. influence of the father who strives to imprint upon his child's soul the ima^e of its Maker. Let us train our children to expect a-- little as possible and to give as much as they can. Let us train our children never to accept charity, though in all tilings to exercise it. Let us teach our children that Jacob, when wrestling with the angel, struggled with his opponent, fought the contender, and by fighting, >t niggling, wrestling, he became Israel, the Prince of ((I. Let us be faithful and worthy exemplars to our chil- dren, whom we lovingly correct, when correction is needed, as (io