1 
 
* * *, 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
 * * * 
 
 K-CI? 
 
 ?F 
 
YE TOWNE GOSSIP 
 
Boye Photo 
 
 KENNETH G. BEATON ( "K. G. B." ) 
 
YE TOWNE GOSSIP 
 
 By K. C. B." ., 
 
 Being Selections from the Humorous 
 
 and Sentimental Writings of 
 
 Kenneth C. Beaton in the San 
 
 Francisco "Examiner" and 
 
 Seattle " Post- Intelligencer " 
 
 SAN FRANCISCO 
 
 SAMUEL LEVINSON, PUBLISHER 
 1915 
 
COPYRIGHT 1915. BY 
 KENNETH G. BEATON 
 
contents 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Mr. Bryan and the Absent Bean 1 
 
 "And I Wasn t Dressed" 2 
 
 The Ambitious Motorcycle 3 
 
 "I Can t Stand Those Cheerful Callers" 4 
 
 A Bottle of Scotch for Father s Weak Heart 5 
 
 Nearly Bit by a Ford 6 
 
 "I Almost Delivered the Butter But!!" 7 
 
 "Ain t Men the Nuts?" 8 
 
 "I Thank You, Mother Dear" 9 
 
 A Pants Yarn of Whole Cloth 10 
 
 Down in the Valley Where the Muir Woods Lie 11 
 
 Nearly a Daddy 12 
 
 The Boy, the Man and the Bicycle 13 
 
 Souvenir Prunes and Sticky Handshakes 14 
 
 The Story of the Blind Man 15 
 
 At the Pacific Union Morgue 16 
 
 "It s a Rotten Trip to Petaluma on a Boat" 17 
 
 Sweetheart and Gallant 18 
 
 The Tale of a Cat 19 
 
 More About the Cat s Tale 20 
 
 "I m Neutral" 21 
 
 "Why Must I Lie to Be Polite?" 22 
 
 "And I Was Stuck for the Lunch" 23 
 
 "He Says He Licked Me and He Never Did" 24 
 
 The Joy of Living 25 
 
 "It s a Perfect Fit if You Don t Cough" 26 
 
 Read This Fast; Without Taking a Breath 27 
 
 "You Can Search Me!" 28 
 
 "But He Can t Eat More Than I" 29 
 
 "You ve Got Me Skinned a Thousand Ways" 30 
 
 What the Barber Did to Me 31 
 
 "We Have With Us Today " 32 
 
 A Conundrum 33 
 
 "I Thank You, Boy, for Six Fine Weeks" 34 
 
 The Cheery Optimist 35 
 
 The Story of the Wooden Leg 36 
 
 "It Matters Not Where Any One of Us Were Born" 37 
 
 "Pastor, I Apologize" 38 
 
 Mothers Day 39 
 
 "There s Something on Me" 40 
 
 A Puppy Tale 41 
 
 "Listen, Elsie, I m in Trouble" 42 
 
 "And Elsie Didn t Laugh" 43 
 
 Memorial Day 44 
 
 "I ll Starch My Socks and Won t Need Garters" 45 
 
 Dancing Mittens for Low Neck Gowns 46 
 
 If. A New Year s Resolve 47 
 
 The Willful Garden Hose 48 
 
 Those Nurses Are Nice Girls 49 
 
 "I ll Tell It to the Circus Man and You".. . 50 
 
 M22770 
 
I THANK you. 
 
ye towne gossip 
 
 i] 
 
 IGHTEEN YEARS ago. 
 
 JJJ IN "MINNEAPOLIS. 
 
 * * 
 
 I HIRED a hack. 
 
 TO TAKE W. J. Bryan. 
 
 FROM THE depot. 
 
 TO THE West Hotel. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I paid for it. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND IT cost a dollar. 
 
 AND SINCE then. 
 
 * * 
 
 EVERY TIME I see him. 
 
 * * 
 
 IT MAKES me mad. 
 AND MONDAY. 
 HE^LOOKED so fat. 
 
 AND EVERYTHING. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND I had to eat beans. 
 * * 
 
 IN A cafeteria. 
 
 * * 
 
 ON THE fair grounds. 
 
 * * * 
 
 OR GO home. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND NOT see the fireworks. 
 
 OR ANYTHING. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IF HE^was thin. 
 
 I WOULDN T worry. 
 
 HE [COULD have the dollar. 
 
 OR THE^hack ride. 
 
 OR WHATEVER it is. 
 
 IT MAKES me mad. 
 
 TO *HAVE a fat man. 
 
 * 
 
 OWE ME money. 
 AND ANYWAY. 
 AFTER ART Smith. 
 HAD LIVED again. 
 AND THE Tower of Jewels. 
 HAD BEEN burned. 
 
 FOR THE hicks. 
 
 
 
 AND I D thrown away. 
 THE CUP and saucer. 
 
 THAT WE D won. 
 * * 
 
 AT THE Japanese village. 
 AND TD *sat on. 
 AND BROKE. 
 WE*W*ENT home. 
 
 AND I .went^tQ bed.; ,-*/ 
 
 AND. i Wouldn t eat. 
 
 * * * , *> j , * * " *" 
 AT ~ A. ca?etcda. ; *\ J : * <r **- 
 
 . *; *, I * 
 I HAD a nightmare. 
 
 AND DREAMED. 
 
 
 
 THAT I D gone to lunch. 
 WITH] MR. BRYAN. 
 AND WEJD ordered beans. 
 
 AND TEA. 
 
 
 
 AND WHILE we were eating. 
 
 * * * 
 
 MR. BRYAN got down. 
 
 UNDER THE table. 
 
 * 
 
 ON HIS hands and knees. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND WAS looking around. 
 
 ON THE floor. 
 
 * 
 
 AND I got down. 
 
 AND SAID: 
 
 "WHAT S^THE matter?" 
 
 AND HE Booked up. 
 
 AND SAID: 
 
 "I VE LOST a bean." 
 
 AND WE^ searched. 
 
 FOR AN hour. 
 
 AND COULDN T find it. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND LEFT a sign. 
 
 THAT*SAID: 
 
 "IF YOU find a bean. 
 
 "IT S MINE. 
 
 "WILLIA*M J. BRYAN." 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
UP V7HERE I live. 
 ON JONES street. 
 THERE ARE four floors. 
 AND TWO apartments. 
 ON^EACH floor. 
 AND FRIDAY afternoon. 
 
 I WAS home alone. 
 
 * 
 
 GETTING DRESSED 
 
 * * * 
 
 T * GC ^ . ut to dinner - 
 AND THE bell rang. 
 
 FROM^ DOWNSTAIRS. 
 
 AND 1^ answered the little phone. 
 
 AND NO^one spoke. 
 
 AND THE bell rang. 
 
 FOR THE second time. 
 
 AN ? \ P^hed the little button. 
 
 THAT^OPENS the door. 
 
 AND S*NEAKED out 
 
 TO THE^hall door. 
 
 AND OPENED it 
 
 AND LOOKED out 
 
 AND THERE was no one there. 
 
 AND TIPTOED. 
 
 TO THE*baluster. 
 
 AND LOOKED over. 
 
 AND COULDN T see anybody. 
 
 AND JUST then. 
 
 THE DOOR I came out. 
 
 WAS BLOWN shut 
 
 AND THE latchkey. 
 
 WAS IN my pocket 
 
 IN MY room. 
 
 AND THERE I was. 
 
 ONjTHEjanding place. 
 
 BETWEE*N TWO doors. 
 
 AND 1^ daren t go up. 
 
 AND 1^ daren t go down. 
 
 AND 1^ wasn t dressed. 
 
 TO JKEET anybody. 
 
 AND I was so scared. 
 
 THAT THE first person. 
 
 TO ARRIVE. 
 WOULDN T BE a man. 
 THAT^I got cold. 
 AND SHIVERED. 
 AND AFTER a while. 
 THE FRONT door opened. 
 AWAY DJOWNSTAIRS. 
 AND SOME one came in. 
 AND 1^ prayed. 
 
 IF * T ^ a f a wom an. 
 THAT^SHE D stop. 
 ONJTHE first floor. 
 
 BUT SHE didn t 
 
 
 AN ? *? ^ asn>t a w oman. 
 
 IT WAS A. C. Haskin. 
 
 WHO LIVES upstairs. 
 
 AND WHEN I saw him. 
 
 I THREW my arms around him. 
 
 AND HE^ didn t know me. 
 
 AND FOUGHT. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND 1^ had to tell him. 
 WHO I was. 
 AND HOW it happened. 
 AND HE^took me upstairs. 
 AND LOANED me a pair. 
 
 OF HIS own. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND 1^ went out 
 
 THROUGH THE kitchen door. 
 
 AND DOWNSTAIRS. 
 
 AND BROKE the screen. 
 
 OFF THE window. 
 
 AND GOT in. 
 
 AND WAS late for dinner. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
ye towne gossip 
 
 [3] 
 
 k NE HARRY Lusk. 
 * * 
 
 WHO IS an electrician. 
 * * 
 
 "THE Examiner" office. 
 iND UNTIL yesterday. 
 r AS MY* friend. 
 >N THAT day. 
 
 kJOLED ME. 
 
 * * 
 
 FNTO THE rear seat. 
 
 * * 
 
 A motorcycle. 
 
 * * * 
 
 [D PULLED something. 
 k ND SOMETHING underneath. 
 
 ;PLODED. 
 
 * * * 
 
 fD ALL the buildings. 
 JEGAN TO run together. 
 [NTO STREAKS. 
 
 fD AUTOMOBILES. 
 
 ;HOT UP. 
 
 * * 
 
 JUT OF the pavement. 
 
 ID WE*NT back. 
 
 * * 
 
 fD MEN and women. 
 fD CHILDREN. 
 fD DOGS. 
 
 FOBBED] UP. 
 
 [D WEJRE destroyed. 
 
 tY THE bombs. 
 
 * * * 
 
 r E^WJERE throwing. 
 AND I opened my mouth. 
 
 TO *SP*EAK. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND HAD to turn my head. 
 
 * * * 
 
 |TO .CLOSE it. 
 iAND PRAYED. 
 ITHAT^SOMETHING. 
 
 i WOULD [HAPPEN. 
 
 ITO^HARRY. 
 (AND LEAVE me. 
 
 IAND THEN. 
 
 * * * 
 
 I LET go. 
 
 WITH^MY hands. 
 
 AND REACHED for my knife. 
 
 TO [STAB him. 
 
 IN THE back. 
 
 Ill 
 
 AND WE hit something. 
 AND WHEN I came down. 
 HARRY HAD gone. 
 WITH] MY seat. 
 
 AND I had landed. 
 
 * 
 
 ON A concrete base. 
 
 THAT DIDN T give. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND I grunted. 
 
 * * 
 
 LIKE A pig. 
 
 AND A little man. 
 
 * * * 
 
 CAME OUT of a house. 
 
 AT *SA*N Jose. 
 
 * * 
 
 OR LOS Angeles. 
 
 * * 
 
 OR SAN JMego. 
 
 OR *WHE*REVER it was. 
 
 AND SAID: 
 
 "WHAT S^ THE matter?" 
 
 AND I.said: 
 
 "I CAME* this far. 
 
 "WITH A friend. 
 
 "WHO^HAS to be in Mexico. 
 
 IN*AN hour." 
 
 AND THE man said: 
 
 "HE*LL HAVE to go some." 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I said: 
 
 * * * 
 
 "HE^IS. 
 
 "HE* S *THERE now." 
 
 * 
 
 AND THERE S just one thing. 
 THA/TS WORSE. 
 THAN* RIDING a motorcycle. 
 AND THAT S letting go. 
 LIKE I d*id. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
[4] 
 
 y 
 
 towne gossip 
 
 IT WAS Friday morning. 
 AND I was still sick. 
 AND FULL of lemonade. 
 THAT^WAS hot. 
 WHEN I^took it 
 AND 1^ hadn t sweat. 
 AND I was cold. 
 AND GOOSE pimply. 
 AND EVERYTHING. 
 
 * # * 
 
 AND THE bell rang. 
 
 AND IT was a friend of mine. 
 
 AND HE wanted to see me. 
 
 AND HE^came up. 
 
 AND I^was glad. 
 
 BECAUSE ALWAYS. 
 
 HE S FULL of fun. 
 
 AND TELLS stories. 
 
 AND LAUGHS. 
 
 AND HE^had some flowers. 
 
 AND FRUIT. 
 
 AND SAT down. 
 
 BY THE bed. 
 
 AND HE^didn t smile. 
 
 OR ANYTHING. 
 
 HE^SHOOK hands. 
 
 AND SAID he was sorry. 
 
 I WAS* sick. 
 
 AND THAT the last time. 
 
 HE D CALLED. 
 
 * * 
 
 ON^A sick friend. 
 HE D NEVER forget it. 
 
 IT WAS so sad. 
 
 * * * 
 
 HE HAD such a nice wife. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND WAS so happy. 
 AND IT was all so sudden. 
 AND AFTERWARDS. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IT WAS discovered. 
 THAT*HE D left no will. 
 
 AND THE poor wife. 
 
 * * * 
 
 HE /ELT so sorry for her. 
 IT WAS an awful mess. 
 
 IT WAS a shame. 
 
 FOR A man. 
 
 NOT TOJiave a will. 
 
 YOU NEVER can tell. 
 
 AND DID I like the flowers? 
 
 HE D JUST got them. 
 
 FROM^THE one-armed man. 
 
 ON ^GRANT avenue. 
 
 HE^WAS^such a nice man. 
 
 AND SO ^reasonable. 
 
 A MONTH ago. 
 
 HE D BOUGHT a big wreath. 
 
 FROM^THE same man. 
 
 WITH*"R*EST in Peace." 
 
 ACROSS THE front. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND ALL he charged. 
 
 WAS $7. * 
 
 * * 
 
 AND IT was such a nice wreath, 
 AND IF I ever bought flowers. 
 I MUST buy them. 
 FROM* HIM. 
 
 * ** # 
 
 AND HE^had to go now. 
 AND HET> be back. 
 AND HE*left. 
 AND MY* wife cried. 
 
 * * # 
 
 AND I got up. 
 AND GOT dressed. 
 
 * # * 
 
 AND CAME downtown. 
 
 I CAN*T stand. 
 
 THOSE CHEERFUL callers. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
Dear K. C. B. May I suggest when you 
 ike those boys out for a chat that you dis- 
 ense with the cigar that is shown in the 
 louth of that good man who appears just 
 efore "I thank you"? You would not, I 
 m ure, encourage this in the mother s 
 :>ys~whom you take for a stroll beside that 
 rook and play bear with; nor would you 
 -3 influence the older boys. You may not 
 moke, but if you do, hide that cigar, just 
 or a day, and I ll thank you. B. A. C. 
 
 YEARS AGO. 
 WHEN I was a boy. 
 * * * 
 
 USED to belong. 
 TO THE Band of Hope. 
 \ND ON^ Friday night. 
 DF *EVERY week. 
 
 
 
 WE D MEET in a room. 
 
 * * 
 
 IN THE Sunday school. 
 AND STAND on our feet. 
 AND RAISE our hands. 
 
 WHILE THE minister stood. 
 
 
 ON THE platform above. 
 
 * 
 
 AND WE D say after him. 
 A WHOLE lot of stuff. 
 THAT^SO long as we lived. 
 WE NEVER would use. 
 
 A CIGAR*. 
 
 
 
 OR A pipe. 
 
 * * 
 
 OR A cigarette. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND WE never would drink. 
 
 
 
 OR DO anything else. 
 WITH^TOBACCO. 
 OR ^WHISKY. 
 AND THEN after that. 
 
 WET) *PLAY hide-and-go-seek. 
 
 * 
 
 FOR AN hour or so. 
 
 AND ONE night. 
 
 WE^DID^that. 
 
 AND CROF Goffatt was "it." 
 
 AND I* hi d away. 
 
 IN A sjied. 
 
 IN TH*E rear. 
 
 
 
 OF THE minister s house. 
 
 
 
 AND THE curtains were up. 
 AND CRAWFORD he knew. 
 
 JUST WHERE I would hide. 
 HE D HID there himself. 
 AND HE dug me right out 
 
 AND WE started to go. 
 
 * * 
 
 SO I could be "it" 
 AND WE^ stopped. 
 
 AND LOOKED in. 
 
 * * * 
 
 TO THE minister s house. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND THERE was the minister. 
 AND WITH him. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THE MAN. 
 
 WHO TAUGHT Bible class. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IN THE church Sunday school. 
 
 * * 
 
 WITH A couple of pipes. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND A bottle of Scotch. 
 
 OR *WHA*TEVER it was. 
 
 * * 
 
 BUT I M sure it was Scotch. 
 
 * * 
 
 FOR WE had some at home. 
 FOR FATHER S weak heart. 
 
 AND EVER since then. 
 
 * * 
 
 THAT BAND of Hope thing. 
 
 * * 
 
 WAS A sort of a joke. 
 WITH* BOTH Crawford. 
 
 AND ME! 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND IT wouldn t have been. 
 
 * * 
 
 IF THEY D been on the square. 
 AND JUST told us how harmful. 
 THESE THINGS were to boys. 
 AND TO boys grown up. 
 
 AND THAT S what I d do. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IF I borrow these boys. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
[6] 
 
 ye t o w n e 
 
 s 
 
 OME DAY. 
 I M* GOING to reach out. 
 
 WITH MY cane. 
 IT S* GOT a big crook. 
 
 FOR A handle. 
 
 * 
 
 AND IT S going to encircle. 
 
 THE NECK. 
 
 * * 
 
 OF A jitney driver. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND IF the cane holds. 
 AND THE neck holds. 
 WE RE GOING into an alley. 
 
 THE THREE of us. 
 
 * 
 
 AND AFTER we re through. 
 
 * * * 
 
 A BIG gray car. 
 
 WITH* A couch in it. 
 
 * 
 
 AND A place for a doctor. 
 
 * 
 
 IS GOING to come in. 
 TO THE alley. 
 AND ONE of us. 
 WILL^BE lifted. 
 UNTO^A^stretcher. 
 
 AND SLID. 
 
 * 
 
 INTO THE rear entrance. 
 OF THE big car. 
 AND SOMEBODY. 
 IN THE crowd. 
 IS GOING to ask. 
 
 WHAT S *IT about. 
 
 * 
 
 AND I M going to tell him. 
 
 THAT ALL I wanted. 
 
 * * * 
 
 WAS TO go to work. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I was across the street. 
 
 FROM*THE office. 
 
 * 
 
 WAITING. 
 
 * * * 
 
 FOR A chance. 
 TO TAKE my life. 
 
 IN MY hinds. 
 
 
 
 AND A policeman. 
 BLEW* HIS whistle. 
 AND STOPPED all the cars. 
 ON*MAR*KET street. 
 
 gossip 
 
 Hill 
 
 AND ^started. 
 
 AND WAS half way over. 
 
 * 
 
 AND HE^blew it again. 
 AND A Ford. 
 OR *SO*METHING. 
 LEAPED* AT me. 
 OUT OF*the flock. 
 WITH[A*sign on it. 
 "WE GO \nywhere." 
 AND I* jumped. 
 
 RIGHT IN front. 
 
 * * 
 
 OF THE ^biggest Buick. 
 THAT*W*AS ever made. 
 AND GOT excited. 
 AND COULDN T get out. 
 AND HAD to run. 
 WITH^CARS all around me. 
 
 FOR A block. 
 
 
 
 TILL THEY stopped again. 
 AND FM^ going to tell them. 
 THATJTHE man on the stretcher. 
 WAS THE driver. 
 OF THE*Ford. 
 
 THAT*W*ENT anywhere. 
 * 
 
 AND THEY RE going to take me. 
 ONJTHEIR shoulders. 
 AND PARADE. 
 FROM] THE ferry. 
 TO *THE*City Hall. 
 
 IT LL BE a big day. 
 
 * * * 
 
 FOR THE common people. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
ye towne gossip 
 
 [7] 
 
 HINEAS ^PENDLETON. 
 WHO USED to haberdash. 
 TO SEATTLE S exclusive set. 
 BUT WHO didn t like it. 
 BECAUSE HE had to keep. 
 
 HIS* CLOTHES clean. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND SHAVE every day. 
 
 AND QUIT. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND WENT into the country. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND STOLE or bought. 
 
 * * * 
 
 A LOT of hens and cows. 
 
 AND URGED them. 
 
 * 
 
 TO JDO their best. 
 AND THEY did. 
 AND STILL are. 
 DREW UP to the curb. 
 WITH* HIS automobile. 
 
 AND ASKED me. 
 
 * 
 
 IF I wanted to ride. 
 
 DOWNTOWN. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I looked at the auto. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND IT was covered with signs. 
 ABOUT BUTTER and eggs. 
 
 AND THE Redmond creamery. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND HAD a long box in the back. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I had on yellow gloves. 
 AND CARRIED a cane. 
 
 AND I didn t think I d look well. 
 
 * 
 
 IN A delivery cart. 
 AND PEN said: 
 "MAYBE*YOU RE too proud." 
 
 AND I* was. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND DIDN T want him to know it. 
 
 AND GOT in. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND HE^wouldn t stop. 
 
 UNTIL HE D taken me. 
 
 * * 
 
 ALL OVER Capitol hill. 
 AND THE first hill. 
 AND NORTH Broadway. 
 AND OUT there. 
 HE HANDED me. 
 
 A PACKAGE of butter. 
 AND SAID: 
 
 "YOU RUN into Webster s. 
 "WITH THIS. 
 "WHILE*! go. 
 
 "OVER TO Mackintosh s." 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I took my cane. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND THE yellow gloves. 
 AND THE butter. 
 AND IT matched. 
 WITH* MY gloves. 
 
 AND WA*LKED up. 
 
 * * * 
 
 TO THE front door. 
 AND EDGAR L. Webster. 
 CAME TO the door. 
 
 AND TOLD me. 
 
 * * * 
 
 TO TAKE it around to the back. 
 AND I* re*fused. 
 AND TOLD him. 
 
 THAT I expected. 
 
 * 
 
 EXACTLY THE same treament. 
 
 * * 
 
 WHEN I came to deliver butter. 
 
 * * 
 
 AS WHEN I came to play bridge. 
 AND AFTER a while. 
 THE S*ERVANTS came out. 
 
 AND PARTED us. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND IT was easy. 
 BECAUSE WE were. 
 ALL OVER butter. 
 
 AND SLIPPERY. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND I went back to the auto. 
 AND PEN said: 
 "DID YOU deliver the butter?" 
 AND I* said: "Part of it. 
 
 "I B*ROUGHT part of it back." 
 
 * * 
 
 AND WE scraped it off my clothes. 
 
 AND SAVED it. 
 
 AND MAYBE you ll get it. 
 
 YOU NEVER can tell. 
 * * 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
[8] 
 
 ye towne gossip 
 
 H 
 
 OW DOES it happen?" 
 
 # * * 
 
 I SAID to Roy Bishop. 
 
 AT THE Palace. 
 
 * * * 
 
 "THAT THERE S so many. 
 "PEDDLERS OF Turkish rugs. 
 "IN*THE lobby?" 
 AND ROY said: 
 "THEY RE NOT peddlers. 
 "THEY RE SHRINERS." 
 AND WE stood around. 
 AND WATCHED. 
 AND AFTER a while. 
 
 I SAW one. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THAT I used to know. 
 
 * # * 
 
 IN MINNESOTA. 
 AND HE ^S a banker. 
 AND ATjiome. 
 
 NOBODY CALLS him. 
 
 * # * 
 
 BY HIS first name. 
 
 AND WHEN he rides all alone. 
 
 IN THE back seat. 
 
 * 
 
 OF HIS automobile. 
 
 HE*LOOKS. 
 
 AS THOUGH he thought. 
 
 THAT^EVERYBODY. 
 
 WAS TALKING about him. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND IT was a terrible shock. 
 
 WHEN I saw him. 
 
 * * 
 
 HIS^LEGS were encased. 
 IN YELLOW bloomers. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND HE wore a shirt waist. 
 
 OR *SO*METHING. 
 
 * * * 
 
 I DON T ^know what. 
 AND IT was red. 
 AND HE^had a little hat. 
 WITH*A\assel. 
 
 ON*THE top. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND A funny little vest. 
 THATJLOOKED like an ad. 
 
 FOR CIGARETTES. 
 
 * 
 
 AND I tried to imagine him. 
 
 BACK^AT home. 
 
 TELLING A man. 
 
 * * * 
 
 HE D SUBMIT his proposal. 
 TO JTHE^board of directors. 
 AND 1^ couldn t. 
 AND WENT over. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND WE shook hands. 
 
 
 
 AND 1^ tojd him a story. 
 
 ABOUT AN uncle. 
 
 * * 
 
 I USED to live with. 
 
 WHEN I*was a boy. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND I was afraid of him. 
 
 AND ALWAYS obeyed him. 
 
 AND ONE time. 
 
 HE *J 0*INED. 
 
 THE KNIGHTS of Pythias. 
 
 AND WE*NT in a parade. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND CARRIED a sword. 
 AND WORE a big feather. 
 IN HIS hat 
 
 AND AFTER that. 
 
 * * 
 
 I NEVER paid any attention. 
 
 TO ANYTHING he said. 
 
 
 
 AND A few minutes later. 
 WE W*ERE joined. 
 BY THE banker s wife. 
 
 * # * 
 
 AND HE^made her go back. 
 AND CHANGE her hat 
 BECAUSE HE didn t like. 
 
 THE ONE she had on. 
 
 
 
 IF SHE was going with him. 
 AIN T MEN the nuts? 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
ye t o w n e 
 
 g o s s i 
 
 [9] 
 
 H 
 
 \OR WHAT you did to me. 
 
 J DEAR MOTHER mine. 
 THAT old shed back home. 
 
 HE MO*RNING I set fire 
 
 * * * 
 
 O THE Schadding barn. 
 
 * * 
 
 NOW forgive you. 
 
 OR THE time. 
 
 * * 
 
 OU TOOK me by the ear. 
 
 * * 
 
 HEN I refused to come. 
 
 * * 
 
 ND RAKE the leaves. 
 
 # * * 
 
 ND LED me through. 
 
 k HOWLING, jeering. 
 
 * * 
 
 IOB OF playmates. 
 
 >EAR]MOTHER. 
 
 FORGIVE you. 
 
 * * * 
 
 OR THE hours I spent in closets. 
 /HILE OTHERS played. 
 ,ND FOR the million chips. 
 PICKED. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ,S PUNISHMENT. 
 
 * 
 
 ,ND FOR the times. 
 
 * * * 
 
 OU SENT me from the table. 
 
 FORGIVE you. 
 
 * * 
 
 IOTHER DEAR. 
 
 * * 
 
 ,ND FOR the times. 
 
 * 
 
 OU SENT me back. 
 
 * 
 
 O ^WASH behind my ears. 
 
 ,ND SEARCHED so carefully. 
 
 * * * 
 
 lENEATH MY collar. 
 
 
 
 O ^SEE tf I had washed my neck. 
 
 >EAR*MOTHER mine. 
 
 * 
 
 OR ALL these things. 
 
 NOW forgive you. 
 
 
 
 JND 1^ thank you. 
 
 IOTHER DEAR. 
 
 * * 
 
 OR THE times you failed. 
 
 O KEEP your threats. 
 
 * * * 
 
 O TELL my dad. 
 >F J5OME misdeed of mine. 
 OR YOUR protecting arm. 
 O MANY times. 
 
 WHEN DEAR old Dad. 
 
 FELT AMOVED. 
 
 TO VENT himself. 
 
 WITH* SLIPPER or hairbrush. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
 MOTHER DEAR. 
 
 FOR THE jam. 
 
 * * * 
 
 I ATE ; 
 
 BETWEEN MEAL times. 
 
 IN SPITE of rules. 
 
 THAT FATHER made. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND FOR the hours. 
 
 * 
 
 I SPENT barefoot. 
 
 
 
 WHEN THE rain came down. 
 
 * 
 
 AND FILLED the yard with pools. 
 
 I THA*NK you. 
 
 * * 
 
 FOR THE times. 
 THAT\pU declared. 
 "IT S ALL right, Dad. 
 
 "I TOLD him he could do it. 
 
 * * 
 
 "IF ANY one s to blame. 
 
 * 
 
 "IT S I." 
 
 * * 
 
 FOR ALL these things. 
 
 DEAR*MOTHER mine. 
 * 
 
 I SEND to you. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IN HEAVEN. 
 
 THE THANKS of one. 
 
 * * * 
 
 WHO ALSO pleads forgiveness. 
 FOR THE thoughtless things. 
 HE DID. ^ 
 
 THAT*CAUSED you grief. 
 AND FOR the tears you shed. 
 AND NIGHTS you spent. 
 IN WAITING. 
 
 AND FINALLY. 
 
 * 
 
 FOR THE body that you gave me. 
 MOTHER MINE. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
[10 
 
 t o w n e 
 
 YOU WOULDN T believe it. 
 * * 
 IF I told you. 
 
 THAT D*AVE*Warfield. 
 * * * 
 
 AND MOSE Gunst 
 AND MILT Esberg. 
 SAW A man. 
 WITHOUT ANY arms. 
 
 AND DAVE said: 
 
 * 
 
 "HOW DO you suppose. 
 "THE *POOR fellow. 
 "GETS^INTO his pants?" 
 AND MILT said: 
 "MAYBE*HE lays em down. 
 "AND *CRAWLS into em." 
 AND MOSE said: 
 "HE* COULDN T do that. 
 "UNLESS THEY were starched." 
 AND DAVE said: 
 
 ^ COULD hold the suspenders. 
 "WITH HIS teeth. 
 "AND JUMP into em." 
 AND J*US*T then. 
 BILLY CRANE came along. 
 AND THEY asked him. 
 
 AND BILLY said. 
 
 * * 
 
 IF HE was as young. 
 AS MILT* Esberg. 
 HE D SHOW them how. 
 AND AFTER a while. 
 BILLY CRANE made a bet. 
 WITH] DAVE Warfield. 
 
 THAT*MILT could do it 
 
 
 
 AND THEY went upstairs. 
 
 * * 
 
 TO ^DAVE S rooms. 
 
 AND TIED Milt s arms. 
 
 
 
 AND GOT a pair of pants. 
 
 
 
 WITH A pair of suspenders. 
 
 AND GIVE em to Milt. 
 
 AND HE* took em. 
 
 IN HIS teeth. 
 
 AND LAID em down. 
 
 AND TRIED to crawl into em. 
 AND COULDN T. 
 
 THEY WERE like an accordion. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND MILT was discouraged. 
 
 AND WA*NTED to quit. 
 * * 
 
 BUT THEY wouldn t untie him. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND HE carried them over. 
 
 * * * 
 
 TO A closet door. 
 
 AND GOT a table. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND PUT the suspenders. 
 OVER*THE door. 
 AND STEPPED off the table. 
 AND MISSED. 
 
 WITH* ONE leg. 
 
 
 
 AND THE other went in. 
 
 AND HE doubled up. 
 
 * * 
 
 LIKE A pair of scissors. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND THE suspenders held. 
 
 
 AND HE couldn t get out. 
 
 
 
 AND THE rest of the fellows. 
 
 CAME*DOWN to the lobby. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND LEFT him there. 
 THAT S WHAT they told me. 
 
 WHEN I*got there. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND ASKED me to print it. 
 AND 1^ said I would. 
 BUT IT isn t true. 
 
 BECAUSE RIGHT after that. 
 
 * * * 
 
 MILT ESBERG came in. 
 
 FROM* THE street. 
 
 * * * 
 
 WITH HIS arms untied. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND ALL his clothes on. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
ye towne gossip 
 
 [in 
 
 DOWN IN^the valley. 
 WHERE] THE. 
 
 UIR^WOODS lie. 
 E^WANDERED yesterday. 
 
 HE THREE of us. 
 
 * * * 
 
 BOY. 
 
 * * * 
 
 GIRL. 
 
 # * 
 
 ND I. 
 
 .ND STARTED off. 
 
 * + * 
 
 HE THREE of us. 
 
 * * 
 
 ITH^LAUGH. 
 
 D JEST." 
 .ND REACHED the point. 
 HERE TOWERING trees. 
 
 OR CENTURIES. 
 
 * * * 
 
 [AVE^MADE their fight. 
 
 H*OTHER trees. 
 
 * * 
 
 KEEP the branch. 
 HAT^MARKS the top. 
 ITHIN^THE sun. 
 .ND STOOD. 
 
 AND SOMETHING came. 
 
 * * * 
 
 I KNOW^not what. 
 AND SILENCE fell. 
 UPON^OUR tongues. 
 
 AND QUIET came. 
 
 * * 
 
 SO THAT the leaves. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THAT FORMED the dome. 
 
 * * # 
 
 WHEREIN WE stood. 
 SEEMED^ PAINTED leaves. 
 AND WE went on. 
 AND WHEN it came. 
 THAT^WE must speak. 
 
 WE[W*HIJSPERED. 
 
 WHAT WE had to say. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND HAD no thought. 
 THATMT was strange. 
 UNTIL THE boy. 
 CAME^CLOSE to me. 
 AND WHISPERED still. 
 AND SAID: 
 
 "YOU KNOW. 
 
 "IT S FUNNY, Uncle Ken. 
 
 "BUT I just feel. 
 
 "THAT IF I yelled. 
 
 "I D^RUIN the woods." 
 
 AND SO ]l felt. 
 
 AND WANDERED on. 
 
 AND FOUND a brook. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THAT^RAN its way. 
 
 O ER BROKEN bed. 
 
 OF NAKED roots. 
 
 AND WELL-WORN stones. 
 
 * * # 
 
 AND WHISPERED, too. 
 AND TOLD its tale. 
 OF COUNTLESS years. 
 OF JOURNEYINGS. 
 UNTO^THE sea. 
 AND REACHED the point. 
 WHERE WE must turn. 
 AND WHISPERED back. 
 
 AND T0*the inn. 
 
 * * # 
 
 AND SAT us down. 
 AND WAITRESS came. 
 
 WITH]SOFT-SOLED shoes. 
 
 AND WHISPERING still. 
 WE^TOLD our wants. 
 AND THEN. 
 
 THE PROFANE engine came. 
 WITH*ITS small cars. 
 AND CREAKING brakes. 
 
 AND SPOILED it all. 
 
 * * 
 
 BUT THAT which lives. 
 IN MEMORY. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
ye town 
 
 iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii 
 
 OjUPPOSE ; 
 
 fO YOU HAD a roll top desk. 
 
 ALL LITT*ER*ED up. 
 
 WITH* MAIL. 
 
 AND SMELLY pipes. 
 
 AND THINGS. 
 
 AND YOU got up. 
 
 AND LEFT it. 
 
 * * * 
 
 FOR A little while. 
 AND THEN came back. 
 AND FOUND thereon. 
 A BABY*girl. 
 WITH* PAPERS. 
 FOR A pillow. 
 AND BUNDLED up. 
 
 IN FLANNELS. 
 
 * * * 
 
 CLEAN AND white. 
 AND PINNED thereon. 
 A LITTLE note. 
 
 THAT] SAID: 
 
 "WE VE LEFT you this. 
 "BECAUSE WE VE read. 
 "BETWEEN THE lines. 
 "OF* THINGS you write. 
 "THAT YOU regret. 
 "YO*U HAVEN T any. 
 "OF* YOUR own." 
 
 I LL BET right now. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IF YOU came back. 
 
 * * # 
 
 AND FOUND this mite. 
 OF WOMANHOOD. 
 UPON] YOUR desk. 
 YOU D FIRST grow cold. 
 AND THEN grow hot. 
 
 JUST LIKE I did. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND RUN around. 
 
 AND THEN run back. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND THEN run out again. 
 AND THEN be followed in. 
 BY EVERBODY. 
 ON *YOUR floor. 
 
 e gossip 
 
 linn 
 
 AND THEN sit down. 
 AND TAKE it up. 
 AND HOLD it tight. 
 
 AND YELL. 
 
 * * * 
 
 FOR ALL the folks to look. 
 
 BECAUSE IT smiled. 
 
 AND THEN. 
 
 SUPPOSE. 
 
 WHILE YOU sat there. 
 
 AND WONDERED. 
 
 WHAT THE mischief. 
 
 YOU WOULD do. 
 
 A GIRL. * 
 
 WHO ONE time worked with yot 
 
 IN OTHER town. 
 
 AND THEN one day. 
 
 * * * 
 
 GOT UP and quit. 
 AND WENT away. 
 AND MARRIED. 
 SOME GOOD man. 
 SHOULD^ POKE. 
 HER SAUCY face. 
 
 WITHIN]YOUR door. 
 
 AND LAUGH. 
 
 AND ASK you. 
 
 HOW YOU liked her kid. 
 
 YOU D GET right up. 
 
 JUST LIKE I did. 
 
 AND HAND it back. 
 
 AND LAUGH. 
 
 AND TALK. 
 
 AND THEN feel lonely. 
 
 WHEN SHE went away. 
 
 JUST LIKE I did. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
t o w n e 
 
 111! 
 
 gossip 
 
 [13] 
 
 VER SINCE Sunday. 
 
 * * 
 
 I VE BEEN worrying. 
 BOUT A small boy. 
 
 * * * 
 
 HO WAS riding a bicycle. 
 ND RAN into a man. 
 N ^MARKET street. 
 EAR # "THE Examiner" office. 
 
 E WAS a nice boy. 
 
 * * 
 
 D I want him to know. 
 HAT^IT wasn t his fault. 
 OT ALL of it. 
 HAT*THE man. 
 
 S A sort of a nut. 
 
 * * 
 
 D GETS excited. 
 HEN A gun. 
 
 R A submarine. 
 
 * * * 
 
 R A Ford. 
 
 * * 
 
 TARTS HIS way. 
 
 * * 
 
 ND IF the small boy. 
 EADS THIS. 
 
 * # * 
 
 E LL REMEMBER. 
 
 * * * 
 
 HAT THE man saw him. 
 
 * * 
 
 ^ND HE saw the man. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AT THE same moment. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I can remember. 
 WHEN I^was a boy. 
 AND BOUGHT a bicycle. 
 AND WAS learning to ride. 
 
 THAT*EVERY time. 
 
 * * * 
 
 I LOOKED right at a man. 
 
 I HIT [him. 
 
 I COULDN T help it. 
 
 I D CHASE him. 
 
 TO THE sidewalk. 
 
 OR ANYWHERE. 
 
 * * * 
 
 I D HIT anything. 
 
 I LOOKED at. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I^want the boy. 
 WHO HIT the man. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ON ^SUNDAY. 
 TO KNOW. 
 
 THAT^THE man knows. 
 
 HE COULDN T help it. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I want him to forgive him. 
 
 FOR WHAT he said. 
 
 HE ^SHOULDN T have said it. 
 
 IT WAS Sunday. 
 
 AND THE chimes were chiming. 
 
 AND EVERYTHING. 
 
 WAS PEACEFUL. 
 
 AND BESIDES. 
 
 * * 
 
 HE JCOULD have turned. 
 AND RAN. 
 
 INSTEAD OF dodging. 
 HEJRAN^a whole block 
 
 ONE TIME. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IN A flock of jitneys. 
 
 AND BEAT them. 
 
 AND HE^ should have been able. 
 
 TO OUTRUN. 
 
 A SMALL boy. 
 
 ON A bicycle. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND I just want to say. 
 THAT VlTH all the kids. 
 GOING TO the Fair. 
 
 * # * 
 
 NEXT FRIDAY. 
 
 * * 
 
 I VE BJEEN worried. 
 ABOUT WHAT I said. 
 WHEN HE hit me. 
 I SHOULDN T have said it. 
 BUT IT was the only thing. 
 THAT j[ could think of. 
 AT THE *time. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
14] 
 
 ye t o w n e 
 
 llllilll 
 
 Oi OMEBODY SAID. 
 ^^ * * 
 
 |O THERE WAS a reception. 
 
 * * 
 
 TO MR. Bryan. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AT THE California Building. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND I went over. 
 
 TO SEE. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IF HE D found the bean. 
 AND THERE was a big crowd. 
 FROM*PETALUMA. 
 AND EVERYWHERE. 
 AND AFTER a while. 
 MR* BRYAN came in. 
 AND S*TOOD around. 
 WHILE A stranger. 
 
 SCURRIED AROUND. 
 
 * * 
 
 FOR THE committee. 
 AND HE^found him. 
 
 AND BROUGHT him over. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND THE committee announced. 
 
 THAT*ANYBODY. 
 
 WHO WANTED to shake hands. 
 
 WITH^MR. Bryan. 
 
 COULD DO it. 
 
 IF THEYJD wash their hands. 
 
 AND JUST then. 
 
 ANOTHE*R MAN. 
 
 * * 
 
 WITH A bigger voice. 
 GOT UP and said. 
 
 THAT THE grand march. 
 
 * * * 
 
 WAS ABOUT to begin. 
 AND THREE couples. 
 GOT UP.^ 
 
 AND THE man said. 
 THAT*THEY D march. 
 THROUGH THE exhibit room. 
 AND EVERYBODY. 
 IN THE parade. 
 WOULD GET a souvenir. 
 AND RIGHT away. 
 THERE WAS a rush. 
 AND EVERYBODY. 
 
 gossip 
 
 Illllllllllllllllllllllll 
 
 GOT UP.^ 
 AND JOINED. 
 
 AND MR! Bryan. 
 
 WAS LEFT all alone. 
 
 * 
 
 IN THE big room. 
 
 * 
 
 AND THE music started. 
 AND WE* started. 
 AND TRIED to look. 
 LIKE WE had sense. 
 AND SOME of us did. 
 OR*HAD* 
 
 WHICHEVER IT is. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND WE went out. 
 
 * 
 
 TO JTHE^exhibit room. 
 
 ALL IN I line. 
 
 * 
 
 AND A pretty girl. 
 GAVE^EVERYBODY. 
 A PRUNE. 
 
 AND WE* all came back. 
 
 * * * 
 
 TO THE reception room. 
 AND STOOD around. 
 AND S*HOOK hands. 
 WITH* MR. Bryan. 
 AND IN a little while. 
 His] RIGHT hand. 
 WAS SO [sticky. 
 AND GOOED up. 
 WITH^ PRUNES. 
 THAT^THEY had to get a refere* 
 TO *MAK*E em break. 
 IN THE clinches. 
 
 I THANK vou. 
 
t o w n e 
 
 g o s s 
 
 N FRIDAY. 
 
 WHEN THE sun was low 
 
 * * 
 
 .ND TIRED feet. 
 RAGGED WEARY way. 
 ,ND CRAWLING trains. 
 
 * # # 
 
 OK LUCKY ones. 
 
 STOOD! 
 D WORSHIPED. 
 
 T THE ^shrine. 
 
 F [ HI ! M % 
 HOSE MIND conceived. 
 
 HE GLORIES. 
 
 F THE deep lagoon. 
 
 ND PILLARS tall. 
 
 * 
 
 .ND WINDING ways. 
 UTSIDE THE place. 
 HERE ARTISTS come. 
 HAT^WE might see. 
 HEIR HANDIWORK. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ND AS I stood. 
 HERE WANDERED down. 
 ITH^FALTERING step. 
 MAN. * 
 
 ITH^WINTER snows. 
 JPON^HIS head. 
 IN his hand. 
 \NOTHER HAND. 
 DF ONE.] 
 
 WHOM I have guessed. 
 IAS BEEN his mate. 
 rHROUGH ALL the years. 
 rHEYJBOTH had come. 
 VND AS I watched. 
 
 * * * 
 
 CHEY^STOPPED. 
 
 VND GAZED. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IT SEEMED to me. 
 JPON*A)orm. 
 3EWED OUT of stone. 
 \ND WORDS she spoke. 
 [ COULDN T hear. 
 BUT I* did see. 
 
 Ill 
 
 THE HAND she held. 
 RELEASE ITSELF. 
 AND THEN reach out. 
 AND FIND its way. 
 O ER EVERY curve. 
 OF LIMBS. 
 AND TRUNK. 
 AND FIND the eyes. 
 AND EARS. 
 AND MOUTH. 
 AND AS it was. 
 I HAD approached. 
 
 QUITE NEAR to them. 
 
 * 
 
 I HEARD him say. 
 TWAS] WONDERFUL. 
 
 AND THEY went on. 
 
 # # 
 
 AND I went on. 
 
 TO OTHER things. 
 
 IN BRONZE. 
 
 AND STONE. 
 
 AND COME to each. 
 
 THE COUPLE stopped. 
 
 AND HAND went out. 
 
 * * 
 
 AS IT had done. 
 
 WHEN FIRST I looked. 
 
 AND THEN I left. 
 
 AND AS I did. 
 
 I LOOKED into. 
 
 THE SIGHTLESS eyes. 
 
 OF HIM who felt. 
 
 AND WANDERED. 
 
 HOW MUCH more he d seen. 
 
 THAN] HURRYING throng. 
 
 THAT*NEVER stopped. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
[16] 
 
 ye towne gossip 
 
 B 
 
 UT ANYWAY. 
 * * * 
 
 HE S A nice man. 
 
 AND HAS whiskers. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND AN automobile. 
 
 AND A bank. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND CREDIT at the grocery. 
 AND EVERYTHING. 
 
 AND THE other day. 
 
 * * * 
 
 HE TOOK me to lunch. 
 
 AT *THE*Pacific Union Club. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND IT S a quiet place. 
 LIKE THE Muir Woods. 
 EXCEPT *FOR Charley Alexander. 
 
 AND FRANK Michael. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND THERE were a dozen. 
 IN THE party. 
 
 AND WE all started to whisper. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AT THE same time. 
 IN THE lobby. 
 
 AND S*OMEBODY said. 
 
 * * * 
 
 WE D HAVE to be quiet. 
 
 * * 
 
 OR EAT our lunch. 
 
 * * 
 
 IN A private room. 
 
 AND WE^ chose the latter. 
 
 AND DID. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND IT was all right. 
 
 EXCEPT THE salad. 
 
 * * 
 
 THERE WAS something in it. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND ANYWAY. 
 AFTER LUNCH. 
 
 SAM MORSE. 
 
 * * 
 
 WHO USED to be captain. 
 ON *THE*Yale gridiron. 
 
 SAID TO* me: 
 
 * * * 
 
 "I LL TAKE you downstairs. 
 "AND SHOW you the tank." 
 AND I* sa*id. 
 
 I THO*UGHT I d seen him. 
 
 * * 
 
 IN THE card room. 
 
 AND HE* said: "No. 
 
 * * * 
 
 "I MEAN the swimming tank." 
 
 AND I^sajd: "O." 
 OR*"O*Hr 
 
 WHICHE*VER IT is. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND WE went down. 
 
 
 
 AND IT was quiet. 
 
 
 LIKE A catacomb. 
 
 AND I asked Sam. 
 
 * 
 
 IF THE water was cold. 
 
 AND HE^said: 
 
 "WE DON T know. 
 
 "NO*BODY. 
 
 "HAS EVER been in it." 
 
 AND AFTER that. 
 
 WE WENT upstairs. 
 
 
 
 AND^SAM motioned. 
 
 * * * 
 
 TO JBE quiet. 
 AND WE* tiptoed. 
 
 INTO THE library. 
 
 * 
 
 AND I whispered: 
 
 * * * 
 
 "DON T ANY of the membe 
 
 EVER COME here?" 
 
 * 
 
 AND SAM answered. 
 AND SAI*D: 
 
 "ONCE THERE was a man. 
 
 * * 
 
 "WHO USED to come here 
 
 * * 
 
 "BUT HE had trouble. 
 
 "WITH HIS heart. 
 
 "AND HE was afraid. 
 
 "HE D^DIE. 
 
 "AND THEY D never find h 
 
 "AND *HE quit." 
 
 AND JUST then. 
 
 SOMEBO*DY SNEEZED. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IN THE card room. 
 AND WE* left. 
 
 UNDER COVER. 
 
 
 
 OF THE excitement. 
 
 * * 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
ye towne gossip 
 
 WANTED to go somewhere. 
 
 FO*R SUNDAY. 
 
 * * 
 
 JttD I asked Charlie Coleman. 
 HE CITY editor. 
 
 [D HE said: 
 
 * 
 
 [T S A nice trip. 
 O* PETALUMA. 
 
 IN THE Gold." 
 
 * * 
 
 ,ND I went down. 
 
 O THE*wharf. 
 * * 
 
 D GOT aboard. 
 
 * * * 
 
 SAT down. 
 
 * * 
 
 4EAR A mother. 
 
 UND TWO children. 
 
 * * 
 
 ^.ND ONE was new. 
 iND SQUIRMED. 
 ;N A blanket. 
 
 USID CRIED. 
 
 * * * 
 
 kND THE other. 
 
 * * 
 
 VAS ALL stuck up. 
 AttTH CANDY. 
 
 * # # 
 
 VND KEPT pestering. 
 :TS] MOTHER. 
 VHO WAS tired. 
 
 ^ND DROOPY. 
 
 * * 
 
 VND THE sticky one. 
 
 5AW ME ; 
 
 VND CAME over. 
 
 VND TOOK a stick of candy. 
 
 \ND TRIED. 
 
 * 
 
 rO GIVE it to me. 
 
 * * * 
 
 \ND 1^ pretended. 
 [ DIDN T see her. 
 
 \ND HER little chin. 
 
 * * 
 
 3EGAN TO quiver. 
 \ND HER big. 
 
 [TALIAN EYES. 
 
 * * * 
 
 BEGAN TO blink. 
 
 * 
 
 \ND I couldn t stand it. 
 SMILED. 
 
 AND TOOK the candy. 
 AND THEN she put. 
 A STICKY hand. 
 ON^MY pants. 
 AND CLIMBED up. 
 
 ONTO MY knee. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND THE mother smiled. 
 
 A TIRED* smile. 
 * 
 
 AND THERE we were. 
 THE BOTH of us. 
 WITH*A*kid apiece. 
 AND THE mother. 
 
 COULDN T TALK English. 
 
 * 
 
 AND I. 
 
 COULDNT TALK Italian. 
 
 AND MOTHER S kid. 
 
 WENT TO sleep. 
 
 AND AFTER awhile. 
 
 MINE*DID. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I got cramps. 
 TRYING *TO keep it. 
 
 FROM WAKING up. 
 
 * 
 
 SO IT^wouldn t feed me. 
 
 MORE] CANDY. 
 
 AND WHEN I got off. 
 A DECKHAND told me. 
 
 THAT*MY wife. 
 
 
 
 HAD LEFT a baby bottle. 
 
 ON A chair. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND 1^ got it. 
 
 AND GAVE it back. 
 
 * 
 
 TO JHER^other husband. 
 
 WHO MET her. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IT S A rotten trip. 
 
 TO [PETALUMA. 
 
 ON A boat. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
t o w n e 
 
 YESTERDAY. 
 OUT AT the Fair. 
 
 I SAW. 
 
 * * * 
 
 A LITTLE woman. 
 BENT*WITH age. 
 
 AND ON her head. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THERE SEEMED the snows. 
 OF COUNTLESS seasons lived. 
 
 AND WATCHED her bargain. 
 
 * * * 
 
 WITH A man. 
 
 WHO *ROLLS a chair. 
 
 * 
 
 ABOUT THE grounds. 
 
 AND THEN get in. 
 
 AND WATCHED the man. 
 
 BEND^DOWN. 
 
 AND WITH a care. 
 
 THAT MOTHERS spend. 
 
 ON BABES. 
 
 * * * 
 
 OR NURSE on invalid. 
 I SAW* him. 
 TUCKJTHE robe. 
 ABOUT HIS charge. 
 AND SMILE. 
 AND SAW her smile. 
 AND FOLLOWED them. 
 AND REACHED their side. 
 IN PASSING throng. 
 AND LINGERED there. 
 UNKNOWN TO them. 
 AND WANDERED down. 
 
 BENEATH THE palms. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND PLAYED the spy. 
 
 AND LISTENED. 
 
 * 
 
 TO THE things they said. 
 
 AND THERE was joy. 
 
 IN BOTH of them. 
 
 IN HIM the joy. 
 
 OF GIVING joy. 
 
 IN 
 
 THE HAPPINESS. 
 THAT COMES. 
 
 WHEN YOUTH forgets. 
 
 THAT^ALL is youth. 
 
 OR^FINDS. 
 
 THERE STILL is youth. 
 
 IN AGE. * 
 
 I HEAJRD her. 
 
 VOICE A] fear. 
 
 THAT*HE was tired. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND HEARD him laugh. 
 AND HEARD her laugh. 
 
 WHEN HE declared. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THAT HE could wheel. 
 * 
 
 A LITTLE mite. 
 
 LIKE HER. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THE WHOLE day through. 
 AND RESTED be. 
 
 AT*END*of day. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND SO it seemed. 
 
 THAT^SHE. 
 
 WAS PLAYING sweetheart. 
 
 AND HE. 
 
 * * * 
 
 A GALLANT gentleman. 
 THE WHICH he was. 
 
 AND WHEN I left. 
 
 * * 
 
 I LEFT them. 
 LAUGHING AT a man. 
 
 WHO D LOST his hat. 
 
 * 
 
 IN GENTLE zephyr. 
 FROM^THE sea. 
 AND ON^the car. 
 
 THAT*TOOK me home. 
 
 * * * 
 
 I WATCHED for opportunity 
 
 TO GIVE my seat. 
 * 
 
 TO ^SOMEONE. 
 LIKE THE woman. 
 IN THE chair. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
ye towne gossip 
 
 19] 
 
 HEARD it first. 
 
 . OU*TS*IDE THE kitchen door. 
 
 * * * 
 
 HERE MAZE of stairways. 
 SADS BELOW. 
 
 OPENED up. 
 SID FOUND. 
 LITTLE ball of fur. 
 iAT^CRIED. 
 
 LOOKED at me. 
 ITH EYES. 
 iAT BEGGED. 
 )R WHAT? 
 DIDN T know. 
 SID TOOK it in. 
 ND WARMED some milk. 
 
 Sf WHICH. 
 
 * * * 
 
 r MADE its way. 
 flTH^BOTH front feet. 
 ND THEN. 
 
 # * * 
 
 fHEN IT had swelled. 
 THAT I feared. 
 WOULD burst. 
 PUT it out again. 
 
 ND HOPED. 
 
 * * * 
 
 HAT IT^ would find its home. 
 WHERE ER IT was. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ND CLOSED the door. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ND CLIMBED back into bed. 
 ND LAY awake. 
 
 ND HEARD it cry. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ND THEN got up again. 
 ND MADE my way. 
 
 O KITCHEN door. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ND TOLD it plainly. 
 NT MY le*ase. 
 /AS CLAUSE. 
 HAT*SAID. 
 COULDNT keep a cat. 
 
 .ND TOOK it down. 
 
 * * * 
 
 WO FLIGHTS of stairs. 
 ,ND LEFT it there. 
 
 AND SAID. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IF IT must cry. 
 THAT^IT could cry. 
 
 FOR SOMEONE else. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND WENT upstairs again. 
 
 AND BACK to bed. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND OFF to sleep. 
 
 AND WOKE. 
 
 AND HEARD again. 
 THAT^PESKY thing. 
 
 OUTSIDE MY door. 
 
 * * * 
 
 GOT UP^again. 
 AND LET it in. 
 AND MADE a bed. 
 AND SCOLDED it. 
 
 AND SAID. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THATJCN the morning. 
 IT MUST go. 
 AND THEN. 
 
 # # * 
 
 WENT BACK to bed again. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND IN the morning. 
 WOKE. 
 AND FOUND. 
 
 # * * 
 
 THAT IN the night. 
 
 * * 
 
 THE BLAMED fool thing. 
 * * 
 
 HAD LEFT its bed. 
 AND THERE it was. 
 ALL SNUGGLED up. 
 
 WITH ME. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND I got up. 
 AND TOOK my pen. 
 AND SCRATCHED. 
 
 ^ OUT. 
 MY^COPY of the lease. 
 THE CLAUSE. 
 THAT^SAID. 
 I COULDN T keep a cat 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
[20] 
 
 ye towne gossip 
 
 WHEN NOBODY called. 
 FO*R THE little cat. 
 WE HELD a council. 
 TO NAME it. 
 AND A small boy. 
 
 # * * 
 
 WHO IS our nephew. 
 PIPED UP. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND SAID: 
 
 "LET S CALL it Lucy. 
 
 "AFTER AUNT Lucy. 
 
 "SHE S ALWAYS crying around. 
 
 "ABOUT SOMETHING." 
 
 AND WE^ did. 
 
 AND AFTER dinner. 
 
 * * * 
 
 WE WERE sitting around. 
 
 * * 
 
 TRYING TO think of something. 
 
 * * 
 
 TO KEEP it quiet. 
 
 AND COULDN T think. 
 
 OF ANYTHING but death. 
 
 AND S*OMEBODY knocked. 
 
 ON*THE*door. 
 
 AND IT was A. C. Haskin. 
 
 WHO LIVES upstairs. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ONJTHE^next floor. 
 
 AND HE^said: 
 
 "I VE JUST read. 
 
 "MY MORNING paper. 
 
 "AND *YOU VE got my cat." 
 
 AND I* told him: 
 
 "I M SORRY. 
 
 "BUT WE VE harbored it. 
 
 "FOR A day. 
 
 "AND FE*D it. 
 
 "AND *IT*S slept here. 
 
 "AND [EVERYTHING. 
 
 "AND WE VE named it Lucy. 
 "AND WE VE got to keep it." 
 AND HE^ laughed. 
 
 AND TOOK me by the hand. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND LED me out. 
 INTO THE hall. 
 
 AND SAID: 
 
 * * 
 
 "IF ^YOU^RE going to cry. 
 
 "YO*U *CA*N keep it. 
 
 
 "BUT I want to tell you. 
 
 * * 
 
 "IF^YOU^name it Lucy. 
 "IT LL BE mad. 
 
 "WHEN IT grows up." 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I # thanked him. 
 
 AND WENT back. 
 
 AND SAID: 
 
 "AUNT LUCY S rich. 
 
 "AND ^SHE S old. 
 
 "AND JMAYBE. 
 
 "SHE WOULDN T like it. 
 
 "IF*SHE*knew. 
 
 "THAT WE D tacked her name 
 
 "To]A*ca*t." 
 
 AND THEN I got an idea. 
 
 AND SAID: 
 
 "LET S* CALL it Ben Hur." 
 
 AND NOBODY liked it. 
 
 AND I said: 
 
 * * * 
 
 "IT S A good name. 
 "AND IT*fits. 
 "AND ANYWAY. 
 "IT S BEEN her. 
 "FOR A day. 
 "AND IT^ can stand it. 
 "FOR LIFE." 
 
 AND TM*the boss. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IN MY own house. 
 
 AND THEY didn t know. 
 
 * * 
 
 WHAT I was talking about. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND I had my way. 
 AND IT S Ben Hur. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
t o w n e 
 
 LONG time ago. 
 
 WHEN JIMMY Archibald. 
 
 * * 
 
 ADN T SO many initials. 
 
 ND MORE hair. 
 * * 
 
 WE weren t married. 
 
 R ANYTHING. 
 
 * * * 
 
 E SLEPT one night. 
 
 EHIND A stump. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AN Indian fight. 
 
 ND JIMMY hadn t any sense. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ND SLEPT well. 
 
 ND LIKED it. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ND EVER since then. 
 
 E S BEEN a war correspondent. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ND I didn t like it. 
 
 ND DIDN T sleep well. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ND EVER since then. 
 
 * 
 
 VE BEEN neutral. 
 
 ND WEDNESDAY night. 
 
 * 
 
 WENT^to the theatre. 
 TO *HEAR Jimmy talk. 
 
 ABOUT THE war. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND HE had a lot of pictures. 
 
 * * 
 
 OF THE German Emperor. 
 AND GERMAN soldiers. 
 AND GERMAN trenches. 
 
 AND GERMAN everything. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND ALL around me. 
 
 THERE WERE Germans. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND THEY clapped their hands. 
 AND CHEERED. 
 AND FM^a Canadian. 
 
 AND I*M*neutral. 
 
 * 
 
 AND I wanted a picture. 
 
 OF KING George. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND HE hadn t any. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND IT made me mad. 
 
 
 
 TILL I looked around. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND RESTED my gaze. 
 
 ON A motherly face. 
 
 THAT SMILED through tears. 
 
 AS THE picture showed. 
 A CHEERING mob. 
 
 AND A last farewell. 
 
 * * 
 
 TO A German regiment. 
 BOUND FOR war. 
 
 AND MAYBE it was. 
 
 * * 
 
 I SAID to myself. 
 
 THAT^SHE was bred. 
 
 FROM* THE blood. 
 
 THAT^FLOWS. 
 
 THROUGH THE veins of these. 
 
 AND IF she was. 
 
 THEN^W^HAT would you have. 
 
 IN HE*R heart. 
 
 BUT TEARS? 
 
 AND WHAT on her face. 
 
 BUT A smile. 
 
 OF *FA*REWELL? 
 
 * * * 
 
 IF I could see. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ON A picture screen. 
 
 * * * 
 
 JUST A glimpse. 
 
 OF THE*boys. 
 
 * * * 
 
 FROM MY old home town. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AS THEY march away. 
 
 * 
 
 TO A grave, maybe. 
 I MIGHT* not have. 
 
 COURAGE ENOUGH to smile. 
 
 * * * 
 
 BUT THE tears would come. 
 THOUGH I be a man. 
 AND SO.* 
 
 WHAT MATTERS it then? 
 AND WHY should I quarrel. 
 WITH MY German friend? 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
[22] 
 
 ye towne gossi 
 
 WILL^ SOMEBODY. 
 PLEASE* TELL me. 
 
 * * 
 
 WHY A perfectly good woman. 
 
 WHO IS "sanitary. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND EVERYTHING. 
 
 AND WHO has a cat. 
 
 AND A dog. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND WHO would never think. 
 OF TRYING to make them. 
 EAT SOMETHING. 
 THEY*DIDN T like. 
 
 WILL [SOMEBODY. 
 
 PLEASE *TELL me. 
 
 WHY THIS woman. 
 
 WILL*TAKE. 
 
 PERFECTLY GOOD tomatoes. 
 
 AND PERFECTLY good lettuce. 
 
 AND MESS them all over. 
 
 * * 
 
 WITH^A Jot of stuff. 
 THAT*ALMOST chokes. 
 A NORMAL man. 
 WHEN HE tries to eat it. 
 AND THEN look at you. 
 AND S*AY: 
 
 "WHY* SURELY. 
 
 * * 
 
 "YOU RE^ NOT going to waste. 
 
 "THAT DELICIOUS salad?" 
 
 AND THEN. 
 
 WILL *SOMEBODY tell me. 
 
 WHY THE man. 
 
 THE POOR fish. 
 
 WIL*LOOK up. 
 
 * 
 
 AND TRY to smile. 
 
 AND SAY: 
 
 "I CERTAINLY am not." 
 
 AND THEN. 
 
 * 
 
 LOOK^ ACROSS at his wife. 
 
 AND SAY: 
 
 "MY DEAR. 
 
 "YO*U [MUST get. 
 
 "MRS. *WHATSERNAME. 
 
 "TO^ GIVE you the receipt. 
 "FOR THIS dressing. 
 "IT S CERTAINLY delicious." 
 AND THEN eat it. 
 
 AND GAG. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND GO^home. 
 
 AND SAY to his wife: 
 
 * * * 
 
 "OF^ ALL^ the rotten stuff. 
 "I EVER*ate. 
 "IT [WAS* that salad. 
 "OF^ MRS*. Whatsername." 
 AND THEN go to bed. 
 AND LIE awake. 
 
 AND DREAM. 
 
 * * 
 
 OF THE Jong ago. 
 
 WH*EN HIS mother. 
 
 * * 
 
 WOULD ^SET before him. 
 A SLICED tomato. 
 AND SOME lettuce. 
 WITH* PEPPER and salt. 
 AND S*UGAR. 
 AND VINEGAR. 
 
 AND THANK God. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THA/I^HE D lived in an age. 
 WHEN THEY fed him things. 
 THAT*HE liked. 
 
 AND THE next night. 
 
 * * 
 
 GO OUT again. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND EAT some more. 
 
 * 
 
 OF THE gotten stuff. 
 AND LIE. 
 
 AND S*AY he liked it. 
 WHY DO they do it? 
 I ASK*you. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
ND I telephoned. 
 
 ACROSS THE bay. 
 
 PETER KYNE. 
 
 
 
 HO IS a real author. 
 
 |ND SAID: 
 
 * * 
 
 VE GOT the second act. 
 
 * 
 
 F OUR play. 
 
 XL TYPEWRITTEN. 
 
 :OME ON over." 
 
 * * 
 
 ND HE came. 
 
 * * 
 
 ND WE went to work. 
 N JTHE^ third act. 
 ND CHOLLY Francisco. 
 AME*DOWN to work. 
 ND HE^has hay fever. 
 
 ND BREATHES. 
 
 * 
 
 ND WE^ couldn t stand it. 
 
 ND PETER said: 
 LET S GO to lunch. 
 AND TALK it over." 
 1ND WE^ went to Tait s. 
 
 VHER*E EVERYTHING S quiet. 
 
 * * * 
 
 LXCEPT^FOR the noise. 
 SAT down. 
 
 \ND I # waited for Peter. 
 
 PO *AS*K me. 
 
 * * 
 
 iVHAT I^was going to eat. 
 \ND HE^didn t. 
 \ND AFTER a while. 
 
 C ASKED* him. 
 
 * 
 
 \ND WAS stuck for the lunch. 
 
 \ND WE^ ordered. 
 
 &ND PETER said: 
 
 AN*D NOW to work. 
 
 WHAT LL WE do. 
 
 WITH THE girl?" 
 
 AND I*sa*id: 
 
 WE VE GOT to kill her. 
 
 * * * 
 
 "OR^ MAKE her take poison. 
 "OR^ SOMETHING." 
 AND WE* argued. 
 
 AND AFTER a while. 
 
 I CONVINCED Peter. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THAT^I was right. 
 
 AND HE^ agreed. 
 
 THAT WE ought to kill her. 
 
 AND WANTED to know. 
 
 HOW WE D do it. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND I suggested. 
 THAT IT be done. 
 
 EEHIND*THE draperies. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IN THE drawing room. 
 AND PETER agreed. 
 AND SAI*D: 
 
 "AND *WHAT LL happen. 
 "AFTER THE murder?" 
 
 AND JUST then. 
 
 * 
 
 A MAN got up. 
 
 
 FROM THE next table. 
 * 
 
 AND HE was pale. 
 * * 
 
 AND I thought he was sick. 
 AND IN a little while. 
 
 HE [CAME back. 
 
 WITH^JOHN TAIT. 
 AND POINTED to us. 
 AND WHISPERED. 
 AND JOHN laughed. 
 AND SAID: 
 "DO*N T MIND them. 
 "THEY RE A couple of nuts. 
 
 "THAT WRITE." 
 
 * * * 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
[24] 
 
 ye towne gossip 
 
 ^ a knock. 
 
 JL ON THE door. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND IT opened. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND A man came in. 
 
 AND SAT down. 
 
 AND SMILED. 
 
 LIKE AN idiot. 
 
 AND SAID: 
 
 "YO*U*DON T know me?" 
 
 AND I* lied. 
 
 AND SAID to him: 
 
 "I THINK I do. 
 
 * * 
 
 "BUT I haven t any memory. 
 
 "FOR NAMES." 
 
 
 
 AND HE^smiled again. 
 LIKE ANOTHER idiot. 
 AND SAID: 
 
 "CAN T YOU guess?" 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I said: "I might. 
 
 * * 
 
 "BUT THERE S a hundred. 
 "MILLION PEOPLE. 
 
 "IN THE United States. 
 
 * 
 
 "AND I don t know how long. 
 
 * * 
 
 "I LL BE^in San Francisco. 
 "AND ANYWAY. 
 "I HAVE^to work. 
 
 "AND I M married. 
 
 * * 
 
 "AND GO home nights. 
 
 
 "AND IF I keep on guessing. 
 "WHEN I get home. 
 
 "I LL HAVE trouble." 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND HE kept on smiling. 
 AND SAID: 
 "AND YOU VE no idea. 
 "WHO* I am?" 
 
 AND I^said to him: 
 "LISTEN ; FELLOW. 
 "DID YOU come up here. 
 
 "TO* SEE* me. 
 
 * 
 
 "OR # TO find out. 
 "WHO* YOU are?" 
 
 AND THEN he told me. 
 HE^WAS^Bill Ramsay. 
 
 FROM*ORILLIA, Ont. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I hadn t seen him. 
 
 FOR THIRTY years. 
 * 
 
 AND THE freckles were gone. 
 
 AND HIS face was clean. 
 
 
 
 AND HE wasn t sunburned. 
 
 * 
 
 AND THE butternut stain. 
 
 * 
 
 WAS GONE from his hands. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND HIS feet weren t bare. 
 
 * # * 
 
 AS THEY used to be. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I felt in his pockets. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND LAUGHED when I foun< 
 
 * 
 
 THEY^WERE empty of cookie 
 THAT*W*E used to eat. 
 WHEN WE sat in school. 
 
 AND WHAT there was left. 
 
 * * 
 
 OF HIS bushy black hair. 
 
 * * * 
 
 WAS TINGED with gray. 
 
 AND WE* fanned. 
 
 AND WE] laughed. 
 
 AND RECALLED the time. 
 
 THAT] WE pushed. 
 
 SCHADDING S COW. 
 DOWN THE bank. 
 TO THE lake. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND THE fight we had. 
 
 IN THE old church shed. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND HE S waiting now. 
 
 * 
 
 WHILE I finish my work. 
 HE*SAYS that he licked me. 
 AND HE^never did. 
 
 AND ANY way. 
 
 * * * 
 
 HE WAS bigger than me. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
ye towne gossip 
 
 N SUNDAY. 
 
 EARLY *IN the day. 
 
 * * * 
 
 WALKED downtown. 
 ND MET a man. 
 N OVERALLS. 
 ITH SOIL of labor. 
 N *HIS face. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ND HANDS begrimed. 
 ND CARRYING. 
 LITTLE box. 
 N WHICH. 
 AD BEEN, 
 is] MIDNIGHT lunch. 
 ND WHEN I spoke. 
 ND WISHED for him. 
 
 * * * 
 
 GOODLY day. 
 
 E WISHED it back. 
 
 * 
 
 ND GOT in step. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ND WE^ walked on. 
 
 ND AS we talked. 
 
 * 
 
 E TOLD me. 
 
 F HIS family. 
 OF THREE. 
 TWO GIRLS. 
 AND YET a boy. 
 
 AND WHAT a boy! 
 
 * * 
 
 HEJLED^his class. 
 
 IN STUDIES. 
 
 * * * 
 
 I VE FORGOTTEN now. 
 JUST WHAT they were. 
 AND DID the chores. 
 
 ABOUT THE house. 
 
 * 
 
 AND THERE was pride. 
 
 
 IN THIS^man s step. 
 AND JOY of living. 
 
 IN HIS tones. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND THEN he told me. 
 OF HIS home. 
 
 WH*ER*E *GREW. 
 
 * * 
 
 A BLADE of grass. 
 OR TWO* 
 
 AND FLOWER beds. 
 
 HE*WOR*KED at night. 
 * * 
 
 IN SOME garage. 
 AND WHAT of grime. 
 WAS ON* his hands. 
 CAME*FROM the cars. 
 
 * * # 
 
 HE^CLEANED. 
 
 AND THEN he left. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND 1^ walked on. 
 
 AND IN a block. 
 
 * * * 
 
 A FRIEND of mine. 
 
 * * 
 
 CAME^FROM a club. 
 INTO HIS car. 
 
 AND ASKED me in. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND DROVE me down. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND ON the way. 
 
 * * 
 
 HE ^FILLED my ears. 
 
 WITH TALES of woe. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND MQANED. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND GROANED. 
 
 UNTIL I*felt. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THAT I had made. 
 
 * * * 
 
 A BIG^ rmstake. 
 
 IN CO*MI*NG here. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THEN^I got out. 
 AND CAME upstairs. 
 AND WONDERED. 
 
 COULD IT be. 
 
 * 
 
 THAT^HE who walked. 
 
 AND TALKED with me. 
 * * 
 
 COULD BE the man. 
 
 * 
 
 WHO CLEANED the car. 
 
 * * * 
 
 OF MY down-hearted friend. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
[28] 
 Illilllllllllllllli 
 
 ye town 
 
 IHEARD^a horn. 
 AND I looked up. 
 AND IT was W. H. Hartung. 
 TREASURER OF the Orpheum 
 
 IN HIS Ford. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND I looked around. 
 
 AND COULDN T see anybody. 
 
 I KNEW.* 
 
 * 
 
 AND GOT in. 
 AND HE*said: 
 "WHERRA YOU going?" 
 AND I said: 
 "TO THE office. 
 "BUT DON T take me. 
 "THE *FR*ONT way." 
 AND HE*said: 
 "HOW*LL WE go?" 
 AND I said: 
 
 "THROUGH THE alleys." 
 AND J*US*T then. 
 
 ANOTHE*R HORN blew. 
 
 * 
 
 AND I looked around. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND IT was Carl Reiter. 
 
 * * 
 
 MANAGER OF the Orpheum. 
 
 IN HIS Studebaker. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND I waved to him. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND HE stopped. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND I said to Hartung: 
 "IF*YOU*don t mind. 
 
 "I LL GO* with Carl." 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND HE assured me. 
 THAT HE didn t mind. 
 AND SUGGESTED. 
 ANOTHER PLACE. 
 
 I MIGHT go to. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IF I liked. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I got out. 
 
 OF THE*Ford. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND PUT all my weight. 
 
 ONJTHE^step. 
 
 AND ALMOST. 
 
 e gossip 
 
 iiiiiiliiiiliiiiiiiiiiiiii 
 
 TURNED IT over. 
 * * 
 
 AND WAS getting in. 
 TO JTHE^Studebaker. 
 WHEN NOBODY. 
 
 BUT JOHN CONSIDINE. 
 
 * * 
 
 WHO OWNS the Orpheum. 
 CAME* ALONG. 
 ALL ALONE. 
 
 IN THE back seat. 
 
 * * * 
 
 OF A big Fierce-Arrow. 
 
 * 
 
 AND I waved my cane. 
 AND JJOHN stopped. 
 AND 1^ said to Carl: 
 "IF*YOU*don t mind. 
 
 "I LL GO with John." 
 
 * * 
 
 AND CARL got mad. 
 
 AND SAID: 
 
 * * * 
 
 * * 
 AND I^got in. 
 
 WITH^JOHN. 
 AND SAID: 
 "HO*W*IS* it, John. 
 
 "WHEN HARTUNG. 
 
 * * * 
 
 "GETS^THE money first. 
 "AND JREITER. 
 "GETS^IT second. 
 "AND YOU. 
 
 "GET IT last 
 
 * * 
 
 "THAT THERE was enough. 
 "WHEN IT got to you. 
 "FOR A Fierce-Arrow?" 
 AND HE*said: 
 "YOU JCAN search me." 
 
 AND I did. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND GOT a cigar. 
 
 * * * 
 
 CP 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
ye t o w n e 
 
 
 
 N YESTERDAY. 
 * 
 
 I WENT into a barber shop. 
 
 VND IN* the chair. 
 
 UST NEXT to me. 
 
 * * * 
 
 "JO MORE at ease. 
 
 * 
 
 THAN I. 
 
 N CHAIR I occupied. 
 
 ATAS THOMAS Fortune Ryan. 
 
 * * * 
 
 V MAN. 
 M*TOLD. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ATHO COUNTS his millions. 
 
 * * 
 
 I count my dimes. 
 
 ilS* H*AI*R was long. 
 * * 
 
 SO was mine. 
 
 VND SHEARS. 
 
 * * 
 
 tfYBARBER cut mine with. 
 tf ERE SHARP as those. 
 
 HAT*CUT his hair. 
 
 * * * 
 
 iND WE^ were shaved. 
 
 HE BOTH of us. 
 
 
 
 k.ND I am sure. 
 HE S*HAVE I got. 
 VAS JUST as good. 
 
 SHAVE he got. 
 ,ND WHEN the porter. 
 HINED*OUR shoes. 
 
 HERE WAS of gloss. 
 
 * * * 
 
 MUCH on mine. 
 PORTER. 
 
 PUT ON*his. 
 
 * 
 
 \ND AT^the counter. 
 HERE ^WE paid our checks. 
 BILL. 
 
 JUST the same. 
 I \S MINE. 
 
 I \ND DOLLAR. 
 
 * 
 
 j THAT^I paid mine with. 
 
 WAS JUST as big. 
 
 \ND ROUND. 
 | \S HIS. * 
 
 \ND TIP I gave. 
 
 gossip 
 
 ill 
 
 WAS JUST the same. 
 * * 
 
 AS TIP he gave. 
 
 AND LATER. 
 
 * 
 
 IT JUST ^happened so. 
 
 THAT*IN the grill. 
 
 * * 
 
 I ATE my lunch. 
 AT TABLE. 
 ONLY^ONE removed. 
 FROM*W*HERE he ate. 
 AND WHAT he ate. 
 I COULD*N T see. 
 AND DIDN T care. 
 BUT I* do* know. 
 
 HE COULDN T eat. 
 
 * * * 
 
 A MORSEL more. 
 
 THAN*W*HAT I ate. 
 
 * * 
 
 FOR IT was good. 
 THE DISH I had. 
 AND AFTER lunch. 
 
 HE WENT his way. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I went mine. 
 AND LATER on. 
 
 WHEN NIGHT time came. 
 * 
 
 I SAT^down. 
 
 WITH* MY borrowed boy. 
 AND PLAYED. 
 WHAT WE would do. 
 IF WE could have. 
 
 THOSE MILLIONS. 
 
 * 
 
 RYAN^HAS. 
 AND HAVING them. 
 HE^COULDN T play. 
 THE GAME we played. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
30 
 
 ye towne gossip 
 
 HE WAS aged. 
 BUT STILL in youth. 
 AS YEARS. 
 
 * * * 
 
 MAKE^TOLL. 
 AND BLEARY eyes. 
 TOLD TALES. 
 
 OF SUNDRY days. 
 
 AND SUNDRY nights. 
 IN PLACES. 
 WHERE THE wine. 
 FLOWS RED. 
 AND ON*his head. 
 A FADED hat. 
 AND ON^his back. 
 A COAT.^ 
 
 THAT^MEASURED not. 
 TO WEAKENED form. 
 IT CLOTHED. 
 AND SHOES he wore. 
 THAT^HAD been shoes. 
 
 ON OTHER feet. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND NOW were straps. 
 
 HEVoUND me. 
 
 IN THE lobby. 
 
 AS I came upstairs. 
 
 AND LOOKED at me. 
 
 AND ASKED. 
 
 IF I was K. C. B. 
 
 I SAID I^was. 
 
 AND THEN he said. 
 
 THAT^HE had read. 
 
 THAT*I had helped. 
 
 A LOT of folks. 
 
 THATJtfEEDED help. 
 
 AND CRIED. 
 
 AND TOLD me. 
 
 OF THE ^sodden. 
 
 SADDENED PATH. 
 
 HIS* FOOTPRINTS marked. 
 
 AND THEN suggested. 
 
 THAT I slip him. 
 
 TWO SIMOLEONS. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I rose up. 
 AND TOLD him. 
 OF THE trail. 
 THATj: had come. 
 FROM*PUGET Sound. 
 OF RAILROAD fares. 
 AND BERTHS. 
 AND MEALS. 
 AND FURNITURE. 
 AND FREIGHT. 
 AND WEARY round. 
 OF HUNTING flats. 
 AND TELEPHONES. 
 AND GAS. 
 AND LIGHT. 
 
 AND I could see. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THATJHE was touched. 
 AND FELT for me. 
 AND TEARS. 
 
 CAME TO his eyes. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AS HE reached down. 
 
 INTO THE depths. 
 
 OF HIDDEN place. 
 
 AND PULLED therefrom. 
 
 A DJOLLAR bill. 
 
 AND FORCED it. 
 
 UNTO^ME. 
 
 "YOU VE^ GOT me skinned. 
 
 "A THOUSAND ways." 
 
 HE ^SAID*. 
 
 AND WENT away. 
 
 I THANK you, Bo. 
 
31 
 
 IF IT ever happens. 
 * 
 THAT I M a stranger. 
 
 IN A strange town. 
 
 * 
 
 AND IN a barber shop. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND THE barber shaves me. 
 AND BRUSHES my hair. 
 AND BOWS. 
 AND LETS me go. 
 I M*GOING to fall over. 
 ON*MY face. 
 IN A faint 
 
 THERE S NO such animal. 
 AS A barber. 
 
 THAT JUST shaves you. 
 * * 
 
 AND LETS you go. 
 IT CAN T be done. 
 THEYjRE NOT barbers. 
 THEY RE HUNTERS. 
 THEY*HUNT for dandruff. 
 
 AND FIND it. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND TELL you about it. 
 AND MAKE you feel. 
 THAT*THEY feel. 
 THAT*YOU RE careless. 
 ABOUT YOUR person. 
 
 I KNO*W* 
 
 * 
 
 FOR I VE just come. 
 
 * * * 
 
 FROM A barber shop. 
 
 I W*ENT "there. 
 
 * * 
 
 FOR A shave. 
 
 IT S ALL I wanted. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND TM^a stranger. 
 
 AND HE* knew it. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND HE cut my hair. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND THEN asked me. 
 
 * * 
 
 IF HE D wash it out. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I told him no. 
 
 * 
 
 TO LET it alone. 
 
 * * 
 
 IT WAS coming out. 
 
 BY ITSELF. 
 
 AND THEN he said: 
 
 "IT OUGHT to be treated. 
 
 * * * 
 
 "IT LL ALL come out. 
 
 IF*IT keeps on." 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND 1^ told him. 
 
 I DIDN T care. 
 
 * 
 
 IF IT kept on. 
 
 * # * 
 
 AND HE^wanted to singe it. 
 
 AND SAID. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THAT THE pores were open. 
 AND WE*RE bleeding. 
 
 OR [FIGHTING. 
 OR^SOMETHING. 
 
 I COULDN T hear him. 
 HE TALKED so fast. 
 
 AND AFTER a while. 
 
 * 
 
 HE^LETjne go. 
 
 AND A Greek. 
 
 CAME^UP and hit me. 
 
 WITH*AjDrush. 
 
 AND FOLLOWED me around. 
 
 AND PICKED little specks. 
 
 OFF MY*coat. 
 
 AND STRAIGHTENED. 
 
 MY^COLLAR. 
 
 AND BRUSHED me. 
 
 AND PICKED little specks. 
 
 OFF MY*pants. 
 
 AND FOLLOWED me. 
 
 TO THE ^street. 
 
 AND WO*ULDN T leave me. 
 
 * * * 
 
 TILL I gave him a dime. 
 
 IT MUST be. 
 
 THAT I looked like a hick. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
[30] 
 
 ye towne gossip 
 
 H 
 
 E WAS aged. 
 BUT STILL in youth. 
 AS YEARS. 
 MAKE* TOLL. 
 AND BLEARY eyes. 
 TOLD*TALES. 
 OF SUNDRY days. 
 AND SUNDRY nights. 
 IN PLACES. 
 WHERE THE wine. 
 
 FLOWS RED. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND ON his head. 
 
 * # * 
 
 A FADED hat. 
 
 AND ON his back. 
 * * 
 
 A COAT. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THAT^MEASURED not. 
 TO WEAKENED form. 
 
 IT CLOTHED. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND SHOES he wore. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THAT^HAD been shoes. 
 ON OTHER feet. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND NOW were straps. 
 HEJFOUND me. 
 IN THE lobby. 
 AS I came upstairs. 
 AND LOOKED at me. 
 AND ASKED. 
 IF I was K. C. B. 
 I SAID I^was. 
 AND THEN he said. 
 THAT^HE had read. 
 THAT^I had helped. 
 A LOT of folks. 
 
 * * # 
 
 THAT^NEEDED help. 
 AND CRIED. 
 
 AND TOLD me. 
 
 * * 
 
 OF THE sodden. 
 
 * * * 
 
 SADDENED PATH. 
 
 * * * 
 
 HIS FOOTPRINTS marked. 
 
 * 
 
 AND THEN suggested. 
 THAT I slip him. 
 
 TWO SIMOLEONS. 
 
 AND I rose up. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND TOLD him. 
 
 * * 
 
 OF THE jrail. 
 
 THAT I had come. 
 
 * * 
 
 FROM PUGET Sound. 
 
 * * * 
 
 OF RAILROAD fares. 
 AND BERTHS. 
 
 AND MEALS. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND FURNITURE. 
 AND FREIGHT. 
 AND WEARY round. 
 OF HUNTING flats. 
 
 # * * 
 
 AND TELEPHONES. 
 AND GAS. 
 AND LIGHT. 
 
 AND I could see. 
 
 * * 
 
 THATJHE was touched. 
 AND FELT for me. 
 
 AND TEARS. 
 
 
 
 CAME TO his eyes. 
 
 * * 
 
 AS HE reached down. 
 INTO THE depths. 
 
 OF HIDDEN place. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND PULLED therefrom. 
 A DOLLAR bill. 
 
 # * ** 
 
 AND FORCED it. 
 
 UNTO* ME. 
 
 "YOU VE* GOT me skinned. 
 
 "A THOUSAND ways." 
 
 HE [SA*ID*. 
 
 AND WENT away. 
 
 I THANK you, Bo. 
 
t o w n e 
 
 IF IT ever happens. 
 THAT I M a stranger. 
 
 * * 
 
 IN A strange town. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND IN a barber shop. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND THE barber shaves me. 
 AND BRUSHES my hair. 
 AND BOWS. 
 AND LETS me go. 
 I M GOING to fall over. 
 ON*MY face. 
 IN A faint. 
 
 THERE S* NO such animal. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AS A barber. 
 
 THAT*JUST shaves you. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND LETS you go. 
 IT CAN T be done. 
 
 THEY RE NOT barbers. 
 
 THEY]RE HUNTERS. 
 THEY^HUNT for dandruff. 
 
 AND FIND it. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND TELL you about it 
 AND MAKE you feel. 
 THAT^THEY feel. 
 THAT^YOU RE careless. 
 ABOUT YOUR person. 
 I KNOW. 
 
 * * * 
 
 FOR TVE just come. 
 FROM^A^barber shop. 
 
 I WENT there. 
 
 * * 
 
 FOR A shave. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IT S ALL I wanted. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND FM^a stranger. 
 
 AND HE knew it. 
 
 
 AND HE^cut my hair. 
 
 AND THEN asked me. 
 
 * 
 
 IF HE D wash it out. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND I told him no. 
 
 * * * 
 
 TO LET it alone. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IT WAS coming out. 
 
 BY ITSELF. 
 
 AND THEN he said: 
 
 "IT OUGHT to be treated. 
 
 * 
 
 "IT LL ALL come out. 
 
 "IF*IT*ke*eps on." 
 
 * 
 
 AND 1^ told him. 
 
 I DIDN T care. 
 
 * 
 
 IF IT kept on. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND HE wanted to singe it. 
 
 AND SAID. 
 
 * * 
 
 THAT THE pores were open. 
 
 AND WERE bleeding. 
 
 OR ^FIGHTING. 
 
 OR [SOMETHING. 
 
 I COULDN T hear him. 
 
 HE TALKED so fast. 
 
 AND AFTER a while. 
 
 * * * 
 
 HE^LET^me go. 
 
 AND A Greek. 
 
 * 
 
 CAME UP and hit me. 
 
 WITH^A^brush. 
 
 AND FOLLOWED me around. 
 
 AND PICKED little specks. 
 
 OFF MY*coat 
 
 AND STRAIGHTENED. 
 
 MY^COLLAR. 
 
 AND BRUSHED me. 
 
 AND PICKED little specks. 
 
 OFF MY*pants. 
 
 AND FOLLOWED me. 
 
 TO THE ^street. 
 
 AND WOULDN T leave me. 
 
 * * * 
 
 TILL I gave him a dime. 
 
 IT MUST be. 
 
 THAT*I looked like a hick. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
[32] 
 
 ye towne gossip 
 
 OVER AT die Press Club. 
 YESTERDAY NOON. 
 THEY^HAD a* luncheon. 
 FOR GOV. Whitman. 
 
 OF NEW* York. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND ALL the lawyers. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND ALL the bankers. 
 AND THE Republicans. 
 AND POLICEMEN. 
 
 AND EVERYBODY. 
 
 * * * 
 
 WHO BELONG to the Press Club. 
 WERE* THERE. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND WHATEVER it was. 
 
 WE^ATE^it. 
 
 AND CLYDE Westover. 
 
 AROSE AND said: 
 
 * * * 
 
 "WE HAVE with us today. 
 
 CHARLIE FICKERT." 
 
 AND CHARLIE got up. 
 
 AND SAID. 
 
 HE JDIDNT know. 
 
 HE ^WAS # going to talk. 
 
 AND COUGHED. 
 
 AND MOVED the water. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND THE salt. 
 
 * * # 
 
 AND THE pepper. 
 
 OVER*IN front. 
 
 * * * 
 
 OF GO V. w Whitman. 
 AND COUGHED. 
 
 AND S*AID: 
 
 * * 
 
 "WE HAVE with us today. 
 
 "GOV. CHARLES E. Whitman." 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND THE Governor got up. 
 AND MOVED the water. 
 
 AND THE salt. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND THE pepper. 
 BACK *AGAIN. 
 
 IN FRONT of Charlie. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND LOVED San Francisco. 
 AND ITS^ people. 
 AND THE Press Club. 
 
 AND NORMAN Mack. 
 
 AND CHOKED. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND DRANK some water. 
 
 * 
 
 AND SAT down. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND THEN Charlie Fickert. 
 
 AROSE AND said: 
 
 * * 
 
 "WE HAVE with us today. 
 
 * * * 
 
 "NORMAN E. Mack." 
 AND NORMAN got up. 
 AND PUT his right hand. 
 IN HIS vest pocket. 
 AND CROSSED his fingers. 
 AND S*AI*D: 
 "GENTLEMEN. 
 
 "OF THE Press Club. 
 * 
 
 "IT />OES you honor. 
 "TO] ENTERTAIN a man. 
 "OF^THE caliber. 
 "OF* CHA*RLES E. Whitman. 
 
 AND CHOKED. 
 
 * 
 
 AND DRANK some water. 
 AND S^AT down. 
 
 AND CHARLIE Fickert 
 
 * 
 
 GOT UP^again. 
 
 AND S*AI*D: 
 
 "WE HAVE with us today. 
 
 "EDWIN *MARKH AM." 
 
 AND EDWIN got up. 
 
 AND RAISED his glass. 
 
 AND SAID: 
 
 "HE*RE S*A ho!" 
 
 * 
 
 AND THE party broke up. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
ye t o w n e 
 
 gossip 
 
 [33] 
 
 STROLLED. 
 LA*ST NIGHT. 
 FPON*THE*Zone. 
 
 ,ND WANDERING feet. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ,ED ME within. 
 
 HE INCUBATOR place. 
 
 .ND THERE I saw. 
 
 * * 
 
 ;ITS OF humanity. 
 
 CA*RCE ANY larger. 
 
 * * 
 
 HAN THE hand of him. 
 
 * . 
 
 ^HO TOLD me. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ,ND THE other curious ones. 
 
 yHO TRAILED along. 
 
 * 
 
 tN^AIMLESS mission. 
 UCH *AS I. 
 HE SECRETS. 
 OUND BY science. 
 N ITS work. 
 
 O KEEP and hold. 
 
 * * 
 
 OR BETTER. 
 
 * * * 
 
 >R FOR worse. 
 
 HE SPARKS of life. 
 
 * * * 
 
 /E GAZED upon. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ND I^went out. 
 
 ^ THERE. 
 NfTO THE throng. 
 HAT^LAUGHED its way. 
 LONG THE Zone. 
 
 ND WA*NDERED on. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ND HEARD the muttering. 
 
 F AN aeroplane. 
 * * 
 
 ND SAW Art Smith. 
 
 OUCH LIPS. 
 
 * * * 
 
 r ALMOST seemed. 
 
 fITH*DEATH. 
 
 ND WO*NDERED why. 
 
 HIS STRIFE. 
 
 * 
 
 P WHERE the babies were. 
 
 O FAN the spark. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ND KEEP the glow. 
 
 * 
 
 ND I went on. 
 
 AND OUT. 
 
 * 
 
 AND CAME downtown. 
 
 AND MET. 
 
 A HUMAN derelict. 
 
 WHO CRAVED a dime. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THAT^HE might eat. 
 OR DRINK. 
 
 # * # 
 
 AND ANYWAY. 
 
 * * * 
 
 I GAVE it him. 
 
 AND WANDERED on. 
 
 AND BOUGHT a paper. 
 
 FROM^A^man. 
 
 WITH*CRIPPLED hands. 
 
 WHO LO*OKED. 
 
 AS THOUGH. 
 
 HE D REACHED the mark. 
 
 OF THREE-SCORE ten. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND I went home. 
 
 AND READ. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ABOUT A victory. 
 
 IN WHICH a submarine. 
 
 HAD SUNK a ship. 
 
 * 
 
 FULL MANNED. 
 
 * 
 
 AND FILLED with troops. 
 
 * 
 
 AND ALL had died. 
 
 * 
 
 AND I^went off to sleep. 
 STILL^ WONDERING. 
 WHY THE incubator battle. 
 
 ON*THE*Zone? 
 
 * * 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
[34] 
 
 V e to w n 
 
 II 
 
 S^ IX WEEKS ago. 
 n, FROM WAY up north. 
 I BORROWED. 
 FROM A friend of mine. 
 WHO ALSO happens. 
 TO BE relative. 
 A BOY. 
 
 WHOM I had known. 
 SINCE FIRST he came. 
 IN SWADDLING clothes. 
 TO PUT a light. 
 IN EYES of her. 
 WHO CALLS him son. 
 AND SWELLING pride. 
 IN HEART of him. 
 WHO ISjiis dad. 
 AND IN those weeks. 
 THIS BOY and I. 
 
 HAVE TRAVELED much. 
 
 AND DONE the Zone. 
 A DOZEN times. 
 AND SAT. 
 
 THROUGH FEARFUL. 
 PICTURE SHOWS. 
 THAT HE thought grand. 
 AND I thought grand. 
 BECAUSE HE laughed. 
 OR BREATHLESS sat. 
 IN AWFUL fear. 
 THAT*HEROINE. 
 WOULD SLIP. 
 AND FALL. 
 AND WE have lunched. 
 LIKE TWO grown men. 
 AND SOMETIME. 
 HE ^HAS ^bought the lunch. 
 AND SOMETIMES I. 
 AND WE VE been down. 
 THROUGH CHINATOWN. 
 
 AND ON the border. 
 * 
 
 OF THE underworld. 
 
 e gossip 
 
 minimi 
 
 AND I have seen. 
 THAT^HE had seen. 
 THE WOE and grief. 
 THAT^COMES from there. 
 AND EVERY morning. 
 SINCE^HE came to me. 
 WE VE WALKED downtown. 
 AND IF there s subject. 
 THAT* WE VE not discussed. 
 IT S BEEN too deep. 
 FOR BOTH of us. 
 AND YESTERDAY. 
 HE WENT away. 
 
 UPON* A "boat. 
 
 
 BACK TO his home. 
 AND LEFT me here. 
 WITHOUT A pal. 
 UNLESS *IT be. 
 THAT^I can find. 
 SOME OTHER boy. 
 WHOSE FATHER 
 
 * * * 
 
 HAS SO much to do. 
 
 HE *HASNT time. 
 
 TO LEARN the joy. 
 
 THAT YOUTH. 
 
 AND MIDDLE age can find. 
 
 IN TAKING youth. 
 
 TO MIDDLE age. 
 
 AND MIDDLE age. 
 
 TO YOUTH again. 
 
 I THANK you. boy. 
 
 FOR SIX fine weeks. 
 
 I THANK vou. 
 
ye tow 
 
 ill 
 
 n c 
 
 o s s 
 
 HAVE a friend. 
 
 _L WHO SITS all day. 
 AND WEEK. 
 AND MONTH. 
 WITHIN^A chair. 
 AND CANNOT walk. 
 
 * 
 
 AND HANDS. 
 ARE IDLE. 
 AS A baby s hands. 
 AND WHERE she sits. 
 A WINDOW is. 
 FROM WHICH she looks. 
 !UPON*THE sea. 
 AND BUSY streets. 
 AND YESTERDAY. 
 I CALLED on her. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND FOUND her smile. 
 SO FULL of cheer. 
 THAT^LITTLE troubles. 
 THAT*! had. 
 TOOK^ WINGS. 
 AND SO we sat. 
 AND S^HE told me. 
 HOW GOOD it was. 
 
 TO HAVE the sea. 
 
 * * 
 
 IN ALL its moods. 
 
 * * * 
 
 TO LOOK upon. 
 AND HILLS of green. 
 WHEN RAIN came down. 
 AND TURNED to brown. 
 
 WHEN SUN was high. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND ON^the street. 
 SHE POINTED me. 
 SOME^LITTLE kids. 
 BOUND HOME. 
 FROM^SCHOOL. 
 AND KNEW them all. 
 ALTHOUGH IT was. 
 THEY*KNEW her not. 
 
 AND NAMES she had. 
 
 
 
 FOR ALL of them. 
 
 AND LOVED them all. 
 WHICH WASN T strange. 
 FOR EVERYTHING. 
 WE^TALKED about. 
 IT SEEMED to me. 
 BORE SOME sweet joy. 
 INTO HER heart. 
 SHE LOVED the sun. 
 AND MOON. 
 AND STARS. 
 AND WIND that blew. 
 THE CURTAINS straight 
 TO WHERE we sat. 
 
 SHE LOVED the fog. 
 
 
 
 FOR LIFE it brought. 
 
 TO LAWNS. 
 
 AND FLOWERED beds. 
 
 # * 
 
 AND NOUGHT of evil. 
 COULD SHE find. 
 IN ANYTHING. 
 AND THEN it was. 
 MY^VISIT spent. 
 
 I WENT my way. 
 
 * 
 
 AND I had gone. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THAT J[ might cheer. 
 THIS FRIEND of mine. 
 AND CAME away. 
 WITH^MORE of cheer. 
 THAN^I had had. 
 AND SO jt is. 
 I SAY to her. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
[36] 
 
 ye towne go 
 
 s s i p 
 
 HE WAS an old man. 
 AND HE had a wooden leg. 
 * * * 
 
 AND HE^was being jostled. 
 
 BY THE "crowd. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THAT WAS coming out. 
 
 OF THE*fair. 
 
 AND MR. Charles L. Davis. 
 
 WHO IS*a banker. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND WHO had gone with me. 
 
 * * * 
 
 TO ^SEE Stella. 
 SAID TO* me: 
 "LET S GET a jitney. 
 "AND TAKE him home. 
 
 "IT MAY* be. 
 
 * * * 
 
 "HE S AN old soldier." 
 
 * * 
 
 AND WE hired a Ford. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND SAID to him: 
 
 * 
 
 "COME ALONG, father. 
 "WE LL TAKE you home." 
 AND CHARLIE helped him. 
 
 TO THE front seat. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND HAD trouble. 
 
 WITH^THE wooden leg. 
 
 AND THE driver saw it. 
 
 AND SAID: 
 
 "WHAT IS this?" 
 
 AND FATHER said: 
 
 "IT S MY* leg." 
 
 AND THE driver said: 
 
 "IT CAN T stick out like that. 
 
 "YO^U LL] HAVE to take it in." 
 
 AND CHARLIE said: 
 
 "LET S 0*PEN the windshield. 
 
 "AND STICK it through." 
 
 AND I* sajd: 
 
 "I WOODEN do that." 
 
 AND LAUGHED. 
 
 I THOUGHT I d die. 
 
 AND WE^ did it. 
 
 AND FATHER said: 
 
 "IF*YOU*RE going. 
 
 "TO^ LEAVE it there. 
 "YOU LL* HAVE to take it off. 
 "I VE GO*T a cramp." 
 AND WE^ unbuckled it. 
 
 AND TOOK it off. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND ALL got in. 
 
 * * * e 
 
 AND CHARLIE held it. 
 TILL HE got so nervous. 
 HE ^COULDN T. 
 
 AND GAVE it to me. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I^kept thinking. 
 OF FATHER. 
 
 IN THE front seat. 
 
 WHILE I. 
 
 * * 
 
 WAS IN ^the back seat. 
 WITH* HIS leg. 
 ON*MY lap. 
 
 IT WASN T natural. 
 
 * 
 
 AND 1^ sajd to Charlie: 
 
 "Yo*u [STARTED this. 
 
 "YO*U LL*HAVE to finish it. 
 "I M* GOING to get out." 
 AND 1^ stopped the car. 
 AND GOT out. 
 AND FATHER cried: 
 "GIMME *MY leg." 
 AND 1^ gimmied it to him. 
 
 AND TOOK a car. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND CAME to the office. 
 
 AND TOLD Charlie Upton. 
 
 AND HE%aid: 
 
 "WRITE SOMETHING about it." 
 
 AND I* sajd: 
 
 "IT^SOUNDS so silly." 
 
 AND HE*said: 
 
 "IN*YOUR column????? 
 
 JUST LIKE that. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
ye towne gossip 
 
 [37] 
 
 I HAVE a< letter. 
 FROM A man. 
 WHO SEEMS to feel. 
 | RESENTMENT. 
 I BECAUSE I have referred. 
 j AT DIFFERENT times. 
 TO JCANADA. 
 
 AND T0*the fact. 
 
 * * * 
 
 | THAT I was born there. 
 
 * * * 
 
 I DON T know why. 
 
 * * * 
 
 HE IS so sore. 
 
 * * * 
 
 | FOR I can t see. 
 WHAT MATTERS it. 
 
 I WH*ER*E HE. 
 
 * * * 
 
 i OR I. 
 
 * * 
 
 j OR ANY^one of us. 
 WAS BORN. 
 
 SO THAT. 
 
 * * * 
 
 WE^DO not waste. 
 THE TALENTS. 
 GIVEN US. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THE SUN. 
 
 THAT^SHINES on Canada. 
 
 SHINES HERE. 
 
 AND S*HINES on Bethlehem. 
 
 THE SJTAR. 
 
 THAT^LED the shepherds. 
 
 WITH^THEIR gifts. 
 
 O ER PATHS in Palestine. 
 
 LEADS S*HIPS. 
 
 * * 
 
 ACROSS THE seas. 
 TODAY. * 
 
 TO *EVERY land. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND MEN today. 
 WHO ROAM the plains. 
 AND WOODS. 
 IN CANADA. 
 OR ^HERE. 
 OR ANYWHERE. 
 USE THIS same star. 
 TO GUIDE them. 
 
 AND IF. ^ 
 
 THE S*TAR. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THAT^LED the shepherds. 
 
 LEADS YOU. 
 
 OR*ME. * 
 
 TO ^HERE. 
 
 ORJTHERE. 
 
 OR ^ANYWHERE. 
 
 AND IF. * 
 
 * * 
 
 WE DO our work. 
 
 * * * 
 
 NO ^MATTER what it be. 
 
 SO THAT. 
 
 * 
 
 WE^DO not break. 
 THE LAWS. 
 OF GOD* 
 
 OR JMAN! 
 
 IT SEEM*S to me. 
 
 THAT^HE. 
 
 WHO WATCHES over us. 
 
 CAN WATCH o er me. 
 
 AS WELL. 
 
 DOWN HERE. 
 
 * * 
 
 AS UP in Canada. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
[38] 
 
 ye towne gossip 
 
 HE BOTHER night. 
 I WENT to a banquet. 
 AND HAD a seat 
 
 * * 
 
 NEXT TO Reuben Hale. 
 
 AND HE didn t know me. 
 
 * * 
 
 BUT HE knew I was there. 
 IN THE crowd. 
 SOMEWHERE. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND WE talked for a while. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IN A most polite way. 
 
 AND THEN he said: 
 
 * * * 
 
 "I HEARD someone say. 
 "K. *C.*B.*WAS here. 
 
 * * * 
 
 "DO YOU know where he is?" 
 AND l] sajd I did. 
 AND NODDED my head. 
 TOWARD JOHN M. Jackson. 
 THE PASTOR. 
 
 OF HAMILTON M. E. Church. 
 
 # * 
 
 AND HEJooked at him. 
 
 AND S*AI*D to me: 
 
 "HE* D*ON T look like a nut." 
 
 AND AFTER a while. 
 
 * * 
 
 HE SAID to me: 
 
 "AND WHO are you?" 
 
 * * 
 
 AND I spoke up. 
 AND SAID to him. 
 
 THAT I. 
 
 * 
 
 WAS THE Rev. John M. Jackson. 
 OF THE Hamilton M. E. Church. 
 AND AFTER that. 
 HE INTONED. 
 
 EVERYTHING HE said. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND TALKED about churches. 
 
 AND SUNDAY schools. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND A lot of other things. 
 THAT*NEITHER of us. 
 
 KNEW ANYTHING about. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I got mixed up. 
 
 AND TOLD him. 
 
 * * * 
 
 I WAS an Episcopalian. 
 
 AND I # am. 
 
 AND HE* said: 
 
 * 
 
 "IF^YOU^RE an Episcopalian. 
 "WHY] DO you preach. 
 
 "IN A Methodist Church?" 
 
 * * 
 
 AND 1^ had to get out of it. 
 AND SAID: 
 "IT S THE only place. 
 "I COULD get work." 
 
 AND HE*said: 
 
 * * 
 
 "IS IT^ customary. 
 "FOR MINISTERS. 
 "TO* SWITCH around. 
 "LIKE^THAT?" 
 AND I^said: "Yes. 
 
 "WE DON T care a . 
 
 "WHERE* WE work. 
 "SO* LONG as we re paid." 
 AND HE was surprised. 
 AND SHOCKED. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND DIDN T talk to me. 
 THE REST of the evening. 
 AND FM^ writing this. 
 
 SO HE LL know. 
 
 * * 
 
 HE WAS talking to me. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND NOT the minister. 
 I WJOULDN T want him. 
 TO *KNOCK Mr. Jackson. 
 IT WOULDN T be right. 
 AND I* M* sorry. 
 AND APOLOGIZE. 
 AND EVERYTHING. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
ye towne gossip 
 
 [39] 
 
 ODAY ; 
 
 IS MOTHERS day. 
 ,ND YOU and I. 
 EAR WHITE carnations. 
 
 N THE lapels. 
 
 * * * 
 
 >F OUR coats. 
 
 D THEN forget 
 .ND HURRY through. 
 HE GRUESOME tale. 
 
 # * * 
 
 HAT TELLS. 
 
 F FELLOW-COUNTRYMEN. 
 
 * * * 
 
 HO BORE no arms. 
 AGAINST A fellow-man. 
 jONE^DOWN. 
 CO DEATH. 
 
 # * * 
 
 BECAUSE ONE man. 
 
 DF WOMAN born. 
 
 * * 
 
 HAS SO decreed. 
 
 ^ND THEN. 
 
 * * 
 
 DO I. ^ 
 
 \ND OTHERS. 
 
 SORN^BENEATH. 
 
 CHE S*HELTER. 
 
 * * * 
 
 DF THE^Maple Leaf. 
 
 SCAN LISTS. 
 
 rHAT^COME from battlefields. 
 
 VND FIND thereon. 
 
 * * * 
 
 FHE NAMES of boys. 
 
 ATE KNEW. 
 
 * * 
 
 \ND I^can see. 
 
 rHROUG*H ALL the mist. 
 * 
 
 CHAT^DIMS the years. 
 SINGED CHILDHOOD days. 
 
 CHE MOTHERS. 
 
 * * 
 
 3F A score of those. 
 \ND IN- the picture. 
 
 PHAT[I see. 
 
 CHEY^SEEM. 
 
 CHE EPITOME of peace. 
 
 \ND SO they were. 
 
 * * * 
 
 \ND SO they are. 
 
 AND YET! 
 
 THEY BRED. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THESE THINGS. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THAT^LIE on battlefields. 
 AND KILL. 
 AND DIE. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND NOW. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IN LANDS. 
 
 THAT*HAVE been robbed. 
 
 OF MEN.] 
 
 FOR SACRIFICE. 
 
 THEY RE ASKED. 
 
 TO BREED. 
 
 MORE^MEN. 
 
 LIKE CATTLE breed. 
 
 TO J5TOP depletion. 
 
 OF THE [herds. 
 
 THAT*GO. 
 
 EACH*YEAR. 
 
 TO SLAUGHTER pens! 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND WE wear white carnations. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IN OUR buttonholes. 
 
 WHY NOT. 
 
 A BLOOD-RED rose! 
 
 THAT^WOULDNT soil. 
 
 IF DROPPED. 
 
 ON BATTLEFIELD? 
 
[40] 
 
 ye towne gossip 
 
 SOMETHING. 
 
 "ON ME*," I said. 
 
 * * * 
 
 TO THE waiter. 
 
 * 
 
 "THAT I didn t put on. 
 
 * * * 
 
 "AND IF you ll tell the cook. 
 
 * * * 
 
 "TO HOLD my order. 
 
 * * * 
 
 "FOR A little while. 
 
 "I LL BE* back." 
 
 * * 
 
 AND I went out. 
 
 INTO THE lobby. 
 
 * * * 
 
 OF THE Old Faithful Inn. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND FOUND Joe Kathrens. 
 
 * * 
 
 WHO IS^the manager. 
 AND SAID: 
 "LISTEN, KATE. 
 "I MEAN, listen, Joe. 
 "THERE *S SOMETHING on me. 
 
 * * * 
 
 "AND WHATEVER it is. 
 "IT*S BEWILDERED. 
 
 * * * 
 
 "IT CREEPS going all the time. 
 "AND *TM nervous. 
 
 "AND CAN T eat. 
 
 * 
 
 "AND I want a room. 
 "FOR A little while." 
 AND JJOE called a boy. 
 
 A JAPANESE boy. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND SAID to the boy: 
 
 "TAKE THE gentleman. 
 
 "TO^ M*Y apartments." 
 
 AND HE* did. 
 
 AND I* told him. 
 
 WHAT AILED me. 
 
 AND HE laughed. 
 
 AND SAID: 
 
 "YO*U *KNOW him flee?" 
 
 AND I^sajd: 
 
 "YO*U *KNOW him what?" 
 
 AND HE*said: 
 
 "HIM FLEE?" 
 
 AND I*sajd: 
 
 "WHY* HIM flee?" 
 
 AND HE^said: 
 
 "WHY^HIM flee?" 
 
 AND 1^ said, "Yes. 
 
 "WHY* HIM flee?" 
 
 AND HE*said: 
 
 "YOU MEAN Art Smith. 
 
 "HIM FLY?" 
 
 AND I said: 
 
 "I 
 
 ^ him flee. 
 "WHAT YOU mean. 
 "HIM FLEE?" 
 AND HE*said: 
 "HIM FLEE?" 
 AND 1^ said, "Yes. 
 "HIM FLEE." 
 AND HE*said: 
 "HIM FLEE. 
 "YO*UKNOW him?" 
 AND l[sa*id: 
 "LISTEN* TOGO. 
 "WHO* IS him. 
 "AND WHY did him flee?" 
 AND TOGO said: 
 "WHY^YOU come here?" 
 AND I* sa*id: 
 "YOU JCAN search me." 
 AND HE*did. 
 
 * * # 
 
 AND FOUND a flea. 
 
 AND THEN I knew. 
 
 * * 
 
 WHAT WE D been talking about 
 AND WE^ shook hands. 
 
 AND WENT downstairs. 
 
 * * * 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
y 
 
 e t o w n e 
 
 g o s s i 
 
 P 
 
 [41] 
 
 I Dear K. C. B.: We read your story about 
 he cat and liked it very much, and that 
 Light father brought home a little puppy, 
 ind when we were talking about a name for 
 t I wanted to call it K. C. B., but mother 
 aid that wouldn t be nice unless you said 
 ve could. Do you mind if we call it K. C. B. ? 
 [t is a nice little puppy, and father says it 
 is a thoroughbred. We are not going to 
 lame it until you answer this letter. Your 
 friend, JANE CLARK. 
 
 ND FOR the reason. 
 
 THAT YOUR pup. 
 MUST NAMELESS be. 
 
 DEAR*JANE. 
 
 * * * 
 
 UNTIL. 
 
 YOU GET response. 
 FRO M^ ME. 
 I LOSE no time. 
 IN WRITING you. 
 TO SAY. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THAT^I LL be proud. 
 IF IT shall bear. 
 THE NAME you ask. 
 
 # # * 
 
 FOR I do know. 
 
 IT WIL 1 ; be borne. 
 
 THROUGH ALL the years. 
 
 YOUR^ PUPPY lives. 
 
 BY LOYAL friend. 
 
 TO YOU ; 
 
 AND YOURS. 
 
 AND ALL I ask. 
 
 THAT^YOU shall do. 
 
 FOR ME ; 
 
 IS THAT* you ll see. 
 
 YOUR]K.[C.B. 
 
 IS RIGHTLY fed. 
 AND THAT somewhere. 
 
 WITHIN]HIS reach. 
 
 YOU LL PUT a pan. 
 AND KEEP it filled. 
 WITH^WATER clear. 
 THAT*HE may drink. 
 FOR YOU must know. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THAT^LITTLE pups. 
 AND GROWN dogs. 
 
 DEPEND. 
 
 AS MUCH as little babes. 
 UPON THE folks. 
 WHOM THEY love most. 
 AND WHEN you play. 
 WITH K. C. B. 
 
 *** 
 
 UNTIL HE S grown. 
 DON T PULL his little ears. 
 
 AND TAIL. 
 
 * * * 
 
 OR STICK your fingers. 
 IN HIS eyes. 
 AS LITTLE kids. 
 SO OFTEN do. 
 AND LISTEN, Jane. 
 
 I D SOONER have. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THIS NAME of mine. 
 
 * * * 
 
 TACKED^TO a dog. 
 TO ANY dog. 
 
 * # * 
 
 THAN^TO a lot of boys. 
 
 I VE SEE*N. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THROW STONES at dogs. 
 
 * * * 
 
 OR TO a lot of men. 
 I KNO*W.[ 
 
 WHOSE LOYALTY. 
 EXTENDS NOT past. 
 THE THINGS they want. 
 FOR JUST themselves. 
 AND JANE. 
 
 IF EVER K. C. B. 
 
 * * * 
 
 GETS IN a scrap. 
 DON T CRY. 
 UNLESS *HE S licked. 
 HE S MADE that way. 
 IT S NOT his fault. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
[42] 
 
 t o w n e 
 
 I GOT all^shaved. 
 AND *SH*INED. 
 AND EVERYTHING. 
 AND WENT up the hill 
 TO THE Fairmont. 
 
 AND SAID. 
 
 * * 
 
 TO MR. Ludwig Van Orden. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THE OFFICE manager. 
 
 "WILL YOU kindly say. 
 "TO^MISS Elsie Ferguson. 
 "THE OUTCAST/ 
 
 "THAT I*am here." 
 
 * 
 
 AND LUDDIE said: 
 
 * * * 
 
 "I WILL^do that little thing." 
 
 JUST LIKE that 
 
 AND HE*did. 
 
 AND SAID to me: 
 
 "SHE WANTS to know. 
 
 "WHO* YOU are." 
 
 AND I* told him. 
 
 AND HE*said: 
 
 "IT S K. C. B." 
 
 AND S*HE said: 
 
 "JUST [TELL him. 
 
 "I DON T^want any baking powder 
 
 "TODAY." 
 
 
 
 AND THEN she laughed. 
 AND SAID to Luddie: 
 TA& COMING right down." 
 
 AND S*HE did. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND AS ^soon as I saw her. 
 
 I KNEW right away. 
 
 * * e 
 
 I D MADE a mistake. 
 
 * * * 
 
 I M A married man. 
 
 
 
 AND I used to belong. 
 * 
 
 TO THE Band of Hope. 
 
 * 
 
 AND 1^ ought to leave em alone. 
 BUT I* can t. 
 
 AND I D be all right. 
 
 * * 
 
 IF I didn t have. 
 
 THE INVITING habit. 
 IT KEEPS me in trouble. 
 ALL THE time. 
 
 I M ^IMPULSIVE. 
 
 OR WHATEVER it is. 
 WHEN Y*OU take men home. 
 
 TO DINNER. 
 
 WITHOUT TELLING your wif 
 AND RIGHT away. 
 AS SOON as I saw her. 
 
 "LISTEN* ELSIE. 
 "I VE JUST called. 
 "TO^SEEJf you ll go. 
 "FOR A motor trip. 
 "ON FRIDAY morning." 
 AND S*HE saic 1 : 
 "WHY* Y*OU dear little man. 
 "OF^ COURSE I will." 
 AND THERE you are. 
 AND 1^ haven t any motor. 
 AND IT S the end of the week. 
 AND PAYDAY S Monday. 
 AND IT S my party. 
 AND 1^ can t ask Elsie. 
 TO PA Y *for the car. 
 
 AND I M married. 
 
 
 
 AND IT LL be windy. 
 * * * 
 
 AND FLL have trouble. 
 AND EVERYTHING. 
 
 AND ANYWAY. 
 
 * 
 
 I LL TELL you about it. 
 ON SA*TURDAY morning. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
[43] 
 
 s s i p 
 
 I TRIED to borrow a car. 
 * * * 
 FROM A millionaire. 
 
 WHO ONLY has four. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND HE couldn t spare one. 
 
 * * * 
 
 SO I hired a car. 
 
 THAT*GOES anywhere. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND WE took down the sign. 
 AND CLIMBED up the hill. 
 
 TO THE Fairmont Hotel. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I went in. 
 AND ASKED. 
 
 * * # 
 
 FOR MISS Elsie Ferguson. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND SHE was ready. 
 
 AND WE* started. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND SHE told me a story. 
 ABOUT A girl friend. 
 
 WHO WAS sick. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND POOR. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND LIVED in San Francisco. 
 
 AND ASKED. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IF WE might drive around. 
 
 TO WHE*RE she lived. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I wanted to tell her. 
 IT WAS a rent car. 
 
 BY THE hour. 
 
 * 
 
 BUT SJHE thought it was mine. 
 
 AND I* dfdn t. 
 
 
 
 AND WE drove around. 
 
 TO THE "girl s flat. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I^went in. 
 
 WITH^ELSIE. 
 
 AND WAS introduced. 
 
 AND STOOD around. 
 
 WHILE THEY hugged. 
 
 AND KISSED. 
 
 AND THEY did it very well. 
 
 FOR GIR*LS. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND FOR a little while. 
 I WAS^ worried. 
 ABOUT THE car. 
 BY THE*hour. 
 
 BUT THE girl. 
 WAS SO*pale. 
 
 AND HAPPY. 
 
 * * * 
 
 I GOT^over it. 
 AND WE] talked. 
 
 AND LAUGHED. 
 
 * 
 
 AND TOLD stories. 
 AND AFTER a while. 
 
 THE CHEEKS of the girl. 
 
 * * * 
 
 STOLE SOME of the bloom. 
 * * 
 
 FROM A rose. 
 
 THAT*SHE wore. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND THE sun got around. 
 
 # * * 
 
 ON ITS western trip. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND WE^ nibbled at crackers. 
 AND DRANK some tea. 
 AND THE girl. 
 
 THAT*WAS sick. 
 
 
 
 SEEMED THE happiest one. 
 
 * * * 
 
 OF THE^three of us. 
 AND WE] left her there. 
 
 WITH A bloom on her cheek. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND A light in her eye. 
 
 AND WENT downstairs. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND GOT in the car. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND A gust of wind. 
 BLEW] A^ card. 
 ONJTHE^floor. 
 AND IT said. 
 ONJTHE^card: 
 
 "WE GO anywhere." 
 
 * 
 
 AND ELSIE saw it. 
 AND DIDN T laugh. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
I**] 
 
 ye town e o s s i p 
 
 TODAY A nation. 
 * . 
 OF ONE hundred. 
 
 MILLION SO*ULS. 
 
 PAYS TRIBUTE. 
 
 
 
 TO JTHE men who made it. 
 AND EVERYWHERE. 
 IN COUNTRY lane. 
 AND CITY street. 
 
 WHERE FLIES, 
 
 
 THE STARS and Stripes. 
 ARE EYELIDS. 
 DIM WITH ie*rs. 
 
 FOR THOSE who died. 
 * * 
 
 AND FOR the remnant. 
 
 * 
 
 THAT^WITH faltering step. 
 
 KEEPS TIME. 
 
 * 
 
 AS BEST :: ;;.- 
 
 * 
 
 TO FIFE and drum. 
 
 * * 
 
 THAT^FIFTY years ago. 
 
 LED MEN to death. 
 
 * 
 
 AND WIVES to widowhood. 
 
 AND STAINED. 
 
 * * 
 
 A LAND. 
 
 * 
 
 WHERE PEACE has dwelt. 
 
 * 
 
 FOR ALL time since. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND IN these ranks. 
 THAT*MARCH today. 
 ARBKOBESL 
 
 OF VACANT places 
 
 * * * 
 
 THAT TWELVE months ago. 
 
 * * * 
 
 WUJUL FILLED. 
 
 * * * 
 
 WITH^FEEBLED Teterans. 
 AND Ut a twelvemonth hence^ 
 
 STILL OTHERS. 
 
 * 
 
 WILL^HAVE passed away. 
 
 AND THEN. 
 
 * 
 
 AT LAST. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THE TIME. 
 WILL*COME. 
 WHEN B*UGLE call 
 
 SOUND. 
 
 AND SOUND again. 
 AND ECHO. 
 
 ONLY[OUT of graves. 
 AND DRUMS. 
 WILL [ROLL. 
 
 FOR EARS. 
 
 THAT^KEAR them not 
 AND SIG*HING wind. 
 WILL*SING a requiem. 
 
 WHILE YOU and I. 
 
 * 
 
 AND YOURS and mine. 
 
 SHALL PLACE. 
 
 WITH^ REVERENT hand. 
 
 UPON^THE mounds. 
 
 IN WHICH. 
 
 OUR SOLDIERS lie. 
 
 A WEALTH of flowers. 
 
 
 
 PLUCKED FROM the soil 
 THEY LOVED. 
 AND LEFT : 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
ye town 
 
 lilllllllHIIIIlllHllimiitll! 
 
 O S S 1 p 
 
 Ilillllillllllllillllil! 
 
 i: 
 
 AND THERE. 
 
 J\_ WEREN T ANY seats. 
 
 * * 
 
 ON THE outside. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I went on the inside. 
 
 * * * 
 
 OR IN the inside. 
 
 OR WHATEVER it is. 
 
 AND SAT down. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND THE car stopped. 
 AT THE next corner. 
 AND TWO women got on. 
 AND CAME in. 
 AND SAT down. 
 OPPOSITE ME. 
 
 AND LOOKED at me. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND AT each other. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND SAID something. 
 
 AND SMILED. 
 
 AND I filled my lungs. 
 
 FULL OF air. 
 
 OR WHATEVER it was. 
 
 IN THE car. 
 
 AND SAID to myself: 
 
 "THEY KNOW me. 
 
 "SUCH IS fame." 
 
 AND GOT off. 
 
 AND MY^red garter. 
 
 WAS HANGING down. 
 
 OVER*MY shoe. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND Infixed it 
 
 IN AN* alley. 
 
 AND WENT on. 
 
 AND MET William H. Field. 
 
 THE FAMOUS de:ective. 
 
 AND TOLD 
 
 WHAT HAD happened. 
 
 AND HE^ looked at the garter. 
 
 AND SAID. 
 
 IT LOOKED all right. 
 
 BUT THAT n 
 
 WHO WORE. 
 
 THAT KIND of garter. 
 
 HAD TO^have calves. 
 
 OR MUSCLES. 
 OR ^SOMETHING. 
 
 TO KEEP them up. 
 AND LAUGHED. 
 AND SAID. 
 I OUGHT to use, 
 
 ADHESIVE PLASTER 
 INSTEAD OF garters. 
 AND THE next morning. 
 I TRIED*it. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND THAT night. 
 I HAD^ to use. 
 
 WARM WATER, 
 
 
 
 TO GET my socks off. 
 AND THE plaster. 
 
 STUCK TO my fingers. 
 
 * 
 
 AND I had to tack it. 
 
 TO THE ^window silL 
 
 AND BACK away. 
 
 AND ITS gong to stay there. 
 
 TILL IT *dries. 
 
 AND AFTER this. 
 
 
 I M NOT going to worry. 
 ABOUT GARTDHL 
 PM *GOING to fix it. 
 WITH^THE laundry. 
 TO ^STARCH my socks. 
 SO THEY LL stand up. 
 WITHOUT HELP. 
 DID^ YOU ever read. 
 ANYTHING SO silly. 
 IN YOUR life? 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
46 
 
 ye tow 
 
 Illllllllllllllllllllllllillflll! 
 
 n e 
 
 I 
 
 gossip 
 
 I HAVE a< clipping. 
 IN*THE*mail. 
 
 FROM A fri*end. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND IT makes me glad. 
 FOR IT says. 
 THAT[THIS season. 
 WOMEN ARE going. 
 TO WEAR spines. 
 
 AND HIPS. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND ARE going to have arms. 
 
 AND WAISTLINES. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND INSTEAD of slouching. 
 ALONG THE street. 
 THEY RE GOING to stand up. 
 AND WA[LK. 
 AND TRY to look. 
 
 LESS LIKE kangaroos. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND MORE like mothers. 
 AND SISTERS. 
 
 AND WIVES. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND SWEETHEARTS. 
 
 AND INSTEAD of tying. 
 
 THEIR FEET together. 
 
 WITH^SKIRTS. 
 
 AND HOPPING along. 
 
 THEY jRE GOING to take steps. 
 
 JUST As[long. 
 
 AS THEIR legs. 
 
 WILL [LET them. 
 
 OR THEIR limbs. 
 
 OR WHATEVER they are. 
 
 THIS SEASON. 
 
 AND THIS winter. 
 
 WHEN WE go to dances. 
 
 WE ^RE GOING to know. 
 
 WH[ER[E TO reach. 
 
 FOR THE waists. 
 
 
 OF OUR ^partners. 
 AND IT LL be fine. 
 AND ALL that. 
 AND WHILE they re at it. 
 
 Ill, 
 
 WON T THE dressmakers. 
 OR HELEN Igoe. 
 
 OR [WHOEVER it is. 
 
 PLEASE VlX it. 
 
 SO THAT there ll be a covering 
 
 OR^SOMETHING. 
 
 OVER^THE backs. 
 
 OF OUR*partners. 
 
 SO WHEN our hands. 
 
 REACH AROUND. 
 
 WE*W*ON T have. 
 
 * * * 
 
 TO BE careful. 
 AND BESIDES. 
 WHEN THE Lord. 
 
 MADE[THE backs. 
 
 OF THEIR necks. 
 I DON T [think. 
 HE INTENDED. 
 
 THEY[SHOULD reach. 
 
 TO THEIR waists. 
 
 AND I ask this. 
 
 * 
 
 IN THE name of. 
 
 JAMES CRAWFORD Marmaduke. 
 
 AND DR V Frank Shaw. 
 
 AND A lot of other fellows. 
 
 WHO AREN T married. 
 
 AND WTL L have to wear mittens. 
 
 OR *QUIT. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
ye towne gossip 
 
 [47] 
 
 IF. 
 * * * 
 IN THE^year. 
 
 THAT S USHERED in. 
 
 TODAY. 
 
 IT S* GIVEN me. 
 
 * * 
 
 TO DO. 
 EACH *DAY. 
 
 A KINDLY deed. 
 
 * * * 
 
 I SHALL be satisfied. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IF I can stand. 
 
 * * 
 
 BESIDE THE road. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND WATCH temptation. 
 HASTEN* ON. 
 WITH^ALL the marks. 
 OF JOY.* 
 
 TO [PLACES. 
 
 LIGHT. * 
 
 WITH WHAT seems life. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND HEED it not. 
 
 * * * 
 
 I SHALL be satisfied. 
 * * 
 
 IF I can smile. 
 
 WHEN SMILES. 
 
 WILL HELP the other man. 
 
 AND LAUGH. 
 
 WHEN IT will drive. 
 
 **** 
 
 SOME TEAR away. 
 
 * * 
 
 I SHALL be satisfied. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IF I can look. 
 EACH [DAY. 
 INTO THE eye. 
 
 THAT [GREETS me. 
 
 WHEN MY work is done. 
 
 * 
 
 AND I am home. 
 AND HOLD that look. 
 
 WITHOUT A quiver. 
 * 
 
 OR A glance away. 
 
 I SHALL* be satisfied. 
 
 * 
 
 IF 1^ can look. 
 
 EACH [DAY. 
 
 INTO THfe eye. 
 OF HIM. 
 
 WHO PAYS me. 
 FOR THE work I do. 
 AND HOLD that look. 
 THEN* TOO. 
 
 I SHALL* be satisfied. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IF I can keep. 
 
 THE FRIENDSHIP. 
 
 * * * 
 
 OF THEjnen. 
 WHO TOIL with me. 
 
 * # * 
 
 AND SEE me most. 
 AND ADD to that. 
 THE FRIENDSHIP. 
 
 OF *THE*others. 
 
 * * 
 
 THAT THE year will bring. 
 
 * * * 
 
 I SHALL be satisfied. 
 
 # * * 
 
 IF HUNGRY dog. 
 OR JOTHER creature. 
 
 THAT*THE Lord has made. 
 
 * * * 
 
 COMES ON my path. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND IT is given me. 
 
 * * * 
 
 TO HEAL its sufferings. 
 
 * * * 
 
 I SHALL^be satisfied. 
 AND S^O.^ 
 
 I SHALL be satisfied. 
 
 * * * 
 
 IF I but merely. 
 
 * * * 
 
 DO JTHE^things. 
 I OUGHT to do. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
[48] 
 
 I 
 
 n 
 
 gossip 
 
 I THINK I m in bad. 
 WITH DENIS Donohoe. 
 WHO WRITES finance. 
 OR WHATEVER it is. 
 FOR "THE Examiner." 
 HE TOOK me over. 
 TO SAN Rafael. 
 WHER*E HE lives. 
 AND WE went on a visit 
 
 * * * 
 
 TO SOME neighbors. 
 
 AND AT one place. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THE MALE neighbor. 
 
 WAS SPRINKLING the lawn. 
 
 AND WA*S called. 
 
 * * # 
 
 TO THE ^telephone. 
 AND HANDED me. 
 
 THE HOSE. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND I^was sprinkling. 
 AND I heard someone. 
 CALL *MY name. 
 
 AND LOOKED. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND IT was Herman Van Luven 
 IN AN automobile. 
 AND WHEN I turned. 
 
 1 D I D ?" 1 ; pay any attention. 
 TO THE host. 
 
 AND HIT Denis. 
 
 RIGHT UNDER the chin. 
 
 WITH^A # half-inch stream. 
 
 AND HE yelled. 
 
 AND I turned again. 
 
 AND GOT excited. 
 
 AND POINTED the hose. 
 
 AT A window. 
 
 AND IT was open. 
 
 AN ? ^washed a lot of cnina. 
 
 OFF A table. 
 
 AND SOMEONE screamed. 
 
 IN A soprano voice.- 
 
 AND IT added. 
 
 TO THE excitement. 
 
 I 
 
 AND THERE was a man. 
 
 GOING BY. 
 
 AND 1^ hit him. 
 
 AND HE^came toward me. 
 
 AND I* ran. 
 
 WITH^THE hose. 
 
 THERE WERE fifty feet. 
 
 AND ON the porch. 
 
 * * * 
 
 OF THE^next house. 
 THERE WAS a little baby. 
 ON JTHE*floor. 
 AND I* hit it. 
 AND SLUICED it off. 
 INTO A window box. 
 AND EVERBODY yelled. 
 AND 1^ turned again. 
 
 AND HIT Denis. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND HE^stood up. 
 ON HIS tiptoes. 
 AND MADE a dive. 
 AND SWAM over. 
 TO WHERE I was. 
 AND GRABBED me. 
 AND HELD me. 
 WHILE THE strange man. 
 BROKE MY hold. 
 
 ON THE*hose. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND LED me away. 
 
 AND WHEN I looked back. 
 
 DENIS WAS dragging. 
 
 IN THE window box. 
 
 FOR THE baby. 
 
 WE HAD an awful time. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
ye towne gossip 
 
 THE BOTHER night. 
 I WAS invited. 
 
 THAT^IF we danced. 
 OR ^PLAYED cards. 
 WE JD BE a poor risk. 
 FOR FIRE insurance. 
 AND WHAT with this. 
 AND ALL the countries. 
 
 THAT*ARE at war. 
 
 PRAYING FOR victory. 
 IN THEIR churches. 
 EVERY SUNDAY. 
 IT LOOKS to me. 
 AS THOUGH after a while. 
 THE LORD. 
 WOULD GIVE it up. 
 AND JUST sit back. 
 
 AND SAY: 
 
 * * * 
 
 "GO TO it. 
 
 * * * 
 
 . N *l- Soing to help. 
 "EITHER YOU. 
 "OR^ THE bear." 
 AND BESIDES. 
 I CANT? figure out 
 WHAT LL HAPPEN. 
 TO J^^.Episcopalians. 
 IF THE Methodists. 
 GO TO Heaven. 
 AND TM^an Episcopalian. 
 AND FM^worried. 
 BECAUSE I D like to be. 
 WITHJHOSE nurses. 
 THEY RE NICE girls. 
 
 I THANK you. 
 
[50] 
 
 ye towne gossip 
 
 Dear K. C. B. Just reverse the order: 
 We thank you. We are the fellows who oc 
 cupy the small white beds that are "scat 
 tered" with regular order and position over 
 a ward in the Lane Hospital. All walks of 
 life belong to us from the mines, woods, 
 farms and seas we come even a soldier, a 
 circus man and a Jewel City merchant are 
 with us. We speak several languages, but 
 we all belong to the "Brotherhood of Man 
 and each of us is from the "University of 
 Hard Knocks." 
 
 Yes, your "gossip" appeals to us, for wno 
 doesn t know the folks you know? We know 
 our old friends as you drag them out of the 
 printers ink each day that s the reason we 
 like you and them. To you we extend an 
 invitation to call and see us, on view every 
 evening from 7 to 8, four matinees a week, 
 Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays and Sun 
 days, 2 to 4, no music, no flowers, no col- 
 lection. Con* and brin* J^f""* 
 
 Medical Ward, Lane Hospital. 
 
 I DON T know Joe. 
 * * * 
 BUT I do know. 
 
 THE ROWS*. 
 
 * * * 
 
 OF SMALL white beds. 
 
 * * * 
 
 BACK IN my memory. 
 
 * * 
 I SEE them now. 
 
 EACH*ONE. 
 
 * * 
 
 WITH COUNTERPANE deformed. 
 
 * * * 
 
 TO SUIT the mood. 
 
 * * 
 
 OR EASE the pain. 
 * * 
 
 OF SUFFERER. 
 
 * * 
 
 I SEE them. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AS THE sun streams in. 
 
 * * 
 
 AND IN the shadows. 
 
 * * 
 
 OF THE night. 
 * * 
 
 AND IN the early morn. 
 
 WHEN LIFE. 
 
 * * 
 
 IS AT its lowest ebb. 
 AND ALL the world. 
 SEEMS GRAY. 
 AND COLD. 
 I SAW^ them, Joe. 
 ONE TIME. 
 WHEN I^came back. 
 FRCn/JOURNEY. 
 THAT I took. 
 
 TO SHADED vale. 
 
 * * * 
 
 THAT MARKED the line. 
 
 THAT ALL of us. 
 
 SOME*DAY. 
 
 MUSTJPASS. 
 
 AND I^know. 
 
 WHAT IT is. 
 
 AND WHAT of gloom. 
 
 SEEMS ALL about. 
 
 AND WHAT of cheer. 
 
 SOME LITTLE thing. 
 
 WILL BRING. 
 
 # # * 
 
 AND IF it is. 
 THAT*I have helped. 
 TO MAKE the hours. 
 
 OF YOURSELF. 
 
 * * * 
 
 AND OF the circus man. 
 SEE*M JUST a bit 
 MORE* CHEERFUL. 
 THAN^THEY might have been. 
 THEN^I am glad. 
 AND IF it is. 
 THAT j: may help. 
 
 A LITTLE more. 
 
 * * * 
 
 I LL COME some night. 
 
 * * * 
 
 ORJTO a^ matinee. 
 I VE GOT a story. 
 THAT*WAS told me. 
 BY A traveling man. 
 
 I LL TELL it. 
 
 * * * 
 
 TO THE circus man. 
 
 AND YOU. 
 
 * * 
 
 I THANK you, Joe. 
 
[51] 
 
 WKat We Sa\v at Madame 
 World s Faiiv 
 
 B;9 ELIZABETH GORDON 
 
 CHARMING letters from fhe twins at trie 
 Panama -Pacific International Exposition 
 to their cousins at home, describing the "wonder 
 and glory of it all. 
 
 In tKis delightful book fhe gifted author of 
 "Floxver Children" brings the \vondrous 
 Exposition home to the minds and hearts 
 of all children, everywhere. 
 
 The manner in \vhich the beauty and marvels 
 are described cannot fail to appeal to girls and 
 boys of all ages, from six years up to sixr/9 
 and over. 
 
 One bewitching illustrations include many b$ 
 Berfha Corbett, of "Sunbonnet Babies" fame, 
 and nine splendid photographs reproduced in 
 four colors. 
 
 A timely gift book. 
 
 Price $1.25 
 
 "Wherever Books are Sold" 
 
 Samuel Levinson, Publisher^ 
 San Francisco 
 
linn 
 
"I 
 
Gaylam< 
 
 Gaylord Bi 
 
 Stocktc 
 T. M. ReQ. 
 
 LIBRARY USE 
 
 TO DESK FROM WHICH BORROWED 
 
 LD62-10m-2 71 
 (P2003slO)9412-A-32 
 
 .General Library 
 
 University of California 
 
 Berkeley