(W » I AN INTERESTING EVENT WILLIAM MAKEPEACE THACKERAY AN Knteresting Cbmt BY MR. TITMARSH NEW YORK THE G ADSHILL CLUB 19 4 NOTE AN INTERESTING EVENT by William Makepeace Thackeray, fir^ appeared in The Keepsake for 1849, published in London by David Bogue. The same year, a few copies of this item (probably less than a dozen) were issued in separate form. At the recent sale of the library of the late Au- gu^in Daly, Esq., one of these volumes brought the sum of two hundred and fif- teen dollars. Although this little ^ory is in Thack- eray's happie^ and mo^ charadleri^ic vein, it has never been included in any 5 NOTE colleded edition of his works, nor has it ever been reprinted in separate form. The text here followed is that of The Keepsake for 1 849, pages two hundred and seven to two hundred and fifteen. AN INTERESTING EVENT AN INTERESTING EVENT SITTING the other day alone at din- ner at the club, and at the next table to Smith, who was in conversation with his friend Jones, 1 could not but overhear their colloquy, or, rather, Mr. Smith's communication to his friend. As, after all, it betrays no secrets of private life ; as his adventure, such as it is, may happen to any one of us ; and as, above all, the ^ory u not in the lea^ moral or in^rudlive, I took the liberty of writing it down, as follows : — " I could not go to that dinner at the Topham Sawyers," Smith remarked, 9 AN INTERESTING EVENT " where you met the Duke, and where Beaumoris sat next to Miss Henrica Hase (whom I certainly should have manoeuvred to hand down to dinner, and of course should have had as good a chance as Bo of proposing for her, of be- ing accepted, and getting a wife notor- iously consumptive, and with six thousand a-year), — I could not go to the Topham Sawyers, because 1 had accepted an in- vitation to dine with my old schoolfellow Budgeon. He lives near Hyde Park Gardens, in the Tyburn quarter. He does not give dinners often, and I make it a point, when I have said I will go to a man — dammy, sir, I make it a point not to throw him over." Jones here remarked that the wine 10 AN INTERESTING EVENT was with Smith, which ^atement the other acknowledged by filling up a bump- er, and then resumed : — " I knew that the Budgeons had ask- ed a large party, and, indeed, all their crack people ; for I had seen Mrs. Budg- eon in the Park the day before, driving by the Serpentine in her open carriage, and looking uncommonly intere^ing. She had her be^ folks, — she mentioned them; nor did I forget to let her know that I was myself invited to the Topham Sawyers on the same day, — for there is no use in making yourself too cheap ; and if you do move about in a decent circle, Jones, my boy, 1 advise you to let your friends know it. " Jones observed that he thought the 11 AN INTERESTING EVENT claret was corked, and the filberts were fine. Smith continued : — " I do not always array myself in a white neckcloth and wai^coat to go to dinner, Jones ; but I think it is right on grand days to do so — I think it's right. Well, sir, I put myself into my very be^ fig, embroidered shirt, white wai^coat, turquoise buttons, white dockings, and that sort of thing, and set out for Dudg- eon's at a quarter to eight. I dressed here at the Club. My fool of a servant had not brought me any white gloves though ; so I was obliged to buy a pair for three-and-sixpence, as we drove by Houbigant's. " I recoiled it was the thirty-fir^ of June, and, as a matter of course, it was 12 AN INTERESTING EVENT pouring with rain. By the way, do you bdke your white neckcloths in damp weather, Jones? It's the only way to keep em right." Jones said he thought this was a bet- ter bottle than the la^. " I drove up, sir, to Budgeon's door at Hyde Park Gardens, and of course had a row with the scoundrelly cabman about his fare. I gave him eighteenpence ; he said a gentleman would have given him half-a-crown. 'Confound your impud- ence, sir ! ' said I. ' Veil,' said the im- pudent brute, 'veil, I never said you vos one.' And at this moment Budgeon's door was opened by Cobb, his butler. Cobb was ^ill in pepper-and-salt trou- sers, which surprised me. He looked 13 AN INTERESTING EVENT rather dubiously at me in the cab. "'Am I late?' says I. " * No, sir ; only — you have n't got your note ? But my ma^er will see you, sir. You ^op here, cab.' "And quitting the vehicle, of vv^hich the discontented rascal of a driver ^ill persi^ed in saying, that ' a gentleman w^ould gimmy 'alf-a-crownd,' I entered Mr. Budgeon's house, splashing my white dockings in the mud as I went in, to the accompaniment of a hee-haw from the brute on the cab-box. The familiarity of the people, sir, is disgu^ing. " I was troubled as I entered. The two bdttdns of the hall-door were not ca^ open ; the fellows in black were not there to bawl out your name up the 14 AN INTERESTING EVENT ^airs ; there was only Cobb, in a dirty Marsella wai^coat, jingling his watch- chain. " ' Good Heavens, Cobb ! ' says I — for I was devilish hungry — * what has happened ? ' And I began to think (for I have heard Budgeon is rather shaky) that there was an execution in the house. " ' Missis, sir — little girl, sir — about three o'clock, sir — ma^er will see you — Mr. Smith, sir.' And with these words Cobb ushered me into the dining- room, where Budgeon sat alone. " There was not the lea^ preparation for a grand dinner, as you may suppose. It is true that a soiled and crumpled bit of old table-cloth was spread at one cor- ner of the table, with one knife and fork 15 AN INTERESTING EVENT laid ; but the main portion of the mahog- any was only covered with its usual green baize, and Budgeon sat at a farther end in his dressing-gown, and writing letter after letter. They are a very numerous family. She was a Miss Walkinghame, — one of the Wiltshire Walkinghames. You know her name is Fanny Decima, and I don't know how far the teens in the family went. Budgeon has five sis- ters himself, and he was firing off notes to all these amiable relatives when I came in. They were all, as you may suppose, pretty much to the same effedt ; — " ' My dear Maria,' (or Eliza or Lou- isa, according to circum^ances), ' I write a ha^y line to say that our dear Fanny has ju^ made me a present of a fifth lit- 16 AN INTERESTING EVENT tie girl. Dr. Bloxam is with her, and I have the happiness to say that they are both doing perfedly well. With be^ re- gards to Hickson' (or Thomson, or Jack- son, as the case and the brother-in-law may be), ' 1 am, my dear, &c., affedlion- ately yours, Leonard Budgeon.' " Twenty-three of these letters to rela- tives, besides thirty-eight to put off the dinner and evening party, Budgeon had written ; and he bragged about it as if he had done a great feat. For my part, I thought, with rage, that the Topham Sawyers' dinner was coming off at that minute, and that I might have been pre- sent but for this disagreeable contre- temps, " ' You're come in time to wish me 17 AN INTERESTING EVENT joy ! ' says Budgeon, looking up from his paperasses in a piteous tone and man- ner. Joy, indeed ! ' says I. In fad, I wished him at Bath. " T 'm so accu^omed to this sort of thing,' said he, ' that I 'm no longer ex- cited by it at all. You'll ^ay and dine with me, now you're come.' " I looked daggers at him ! I might have dined at the Topham Sawyers, I said, but for this sudden arrival. " ' What is there for dinner, Cobb ? You'll lay a cover for Mr. Smith.' " Cobb looked grave. ' The cook is gone to fetch Mrs. Walkinghame. 1 've kep the cab, to go to Queen Charlotte's Hospital for — for the nuss. Buttons is 18 AN INTERESTING EVENT gone out with the notes, sir. The young ladies' maid has took them to their haunt Codger's ; the other female servants is busy up^airs with missis, sir.' " ' Do you mean there's no dinner ? ' cries Budgeon, lookmg as if he was re- lieved though. ' Well, I have written the notes. Bloxam says my wife is on no account to be di^urbed ; and I tell you what, Smith, you shall give me a dinner at the Club.' " ' Very good,' I growled out ; altho- ugh it is deuced hard to be obliged to give a dinner when you have adually refused the Topham Sawyers. And Cobb, going up to his maker's dressing- room, returned thence with the coat, hat, and umbrella with which that gentleman 19 AN INTERESTING EVENT usually walks abroad. " * Come along,' said I, with the be^ grace ; and we were both going out ac- cordingly, when suddenly the door open- ed, and Mrs. Wake, Mrs. Budgeon's maid, who has been with her ever since she was born, made her appearance. "A man who has in his house a lady's maid who has been with his wife ever since she was born, has probably two ty- rants, certainly one, over him. I would not take a girl with ten thousand a-year and a maid who has been with her from the nursery. If your wife is not jealous of you, that woman is. If your wife does not know when you slip in from the Club after midnight, that woman is awake, de- pend upon it, and hears you go up^airs. 20 AN INTERESTING EVENT If, under pretence of a long debate in the House of Commons, you happen to go to Greenwich with a bachelor party, that woman finds the Trafalgar bill in your pocket, and, somehow, hears of your es- capade. You fancy yourself very in- dependent, and unobserved, and that you can carry on, you rogue ! quite snugly and quietly through life. Fool ! you are en- vironed by spies, and circumvented by occult tyrants. Your friends' servants and your own know all that you do. Your wife's maid has intelligences with all the confidential females and males of your circle. You are pursued by deted- ives in plain (some in second-hand) clothes, and your secrets are as open to them as the area-gate by which they en- 21 AN INTERESTING EVENT ter your house. Budgeon's eye quailed before that severe light blue one which hawk-beaked Mrs. Wake fixed upon him. " ' You're not a going out, sir ? ' said that woman, in a cracked voice. " ' Why, Wake, I was going to — to dine at the Club with Mr. Smith ; that's all, — with Mr. Smith, you know ; ' and so, of course, /was dragged in. " ' I'll tell my missis, sir, that Mr. Smith wished to take you away; though I'm sure he didn't know her situation, and a blessed baby born only five hours, and the medical man in the house.' " ' Hang it ! ' says I, ' I never asked — I — that is — — ' " ' O ! I dessay, sir, it was ma^er as 22 AN INTERESTING EVENT a^ hisself,' Mrs. Wake answered. 'And my poor missis up^airs, and I've been with her ever since she was born, and took her from the month, — that I did, and /won't desert her now. But I won't answer for her life, nor Dodor Bloxam won't, if ma^er should go out now, as you are a gom' to, sir.' " ' Good Heavens, Wake ! why should- n't I? There's no dinner for me. You turned me out of Mrs. Dudgeon's room when I went up^airs, and ordered me not to come up again.' " * She's not to be di^urbed on no ac- count, sir. The dear suffering think,' Mrs. Wake said, ' Her mdr is coming, and will soon be year, that's one com- fort, and will keep you company.' 23 AN INTERESTING EVENT " • Oh yes, Mrs. Walkinghame,' Budg- eon ruefully said. ' Where is she to sleep, Wake?' " ' In the be^ bedroom, sir ; in coarse, in the yellow room, sir,' Wake answered. " * And — and where am I to go ? ' asked the gentleman. '* ' Your things is halready brought down into the ^udy, and you're to sleep on the sofy and harm-chair, of course, sir,' the other said. " Budgeon, now, is a very ^out, bulky little man, the 'sofy' is only a rout-seat, and the arm-chair is what you call a Glas- tonbury — an oak-chair ornamented with middle-age gim-cracks, and about as easy as Edward the Confessor's fauteuil in We^min^er Abbey. I pidlured the 24 AN INTERESTING EVENT wretch to myself, Wretched out on a couch which a fakeer or a hermit would find hard to lie on. " * Oh, thank you ! ' was all the cow- ed slave could say ; and I saw at once, from his behaviour to that supercilious fe- male and the bewildered obedience which he appeared to be^ow on her, that there was some secret between them which rendered the dome^ic the mi^ress of her employer. I wonder what it could have been, Jones? She had read pri- vate letters out of his wai^coat pocket, very likely. At any rate, my dear fel- low, when you marry, take care to have no secrets, or of submitting to an inquis- itor over you in the shape of a lady's- maid." 25 AN INTERESTING EVENT Jones ( who, by the way, is not, I should say, a man of much conversation- al power) ju^ thanked Smith to pass the bottle ; and the latter resumed his har- rowing narrative. " As we were conversing in the above manner, there came a banging knock at the door, — one of those coarse, vulgar, furious peals which a cabman, imitating a footman, endeavours to perform. We all Parted guiltily as we heard it. It was mo^ likely some outlying gueit, who, like myself, had not received his note of ex- cuse, and had come forth to partake of Budgeon's mo^ Barmecidal entertain- ment. " ' And you haven't even a-tied up the knocker ? ' said Mrs. Wake, with a look 26 AN INTERESTING EVENT of withering scorn. The knocker had slipped his memory, Budgeon owned. At which the maid said, 'Of course.' Of course she said of course. " Now Mrs. Wake, looking savagely round her and round the room, saw on the table my Gibus' hat, which I had set down there, and in it my bran new white gloves, that I had bought at Houbigant's for three-and-sixpence. A savage satis- faction lighted up her eyes as she viewed them, and diving down into her pocket, and producing thence a piece of ^ring, this fiend in human shape seized hold of my gloves with a sarcaSic apology, and said she was sure I would have no objec- tion to her tying up the knocker with them, and preventmg her missis from be- n AN INTERESTING EVENT ing knocked to death. So she sailed out of the room with my three-and-sixpence in her hands, and, being a tall, bony wo- man, who could reach up to the knock- ers without difficulty, she had each of them soon muffled up in a beautiful white French kid, No. 8 2 • ** ' You see how it is, old boy,' Budg- eon dismally said. ' Fanny doesn't like my leaving the house ; and, in her deli- cate condition, of course, we mu^ hu- mour her. I mu^ come and dine with you some other day. We have plenty of time before us, you know. And tonight I mu^ ilop and receive my mother-in-law and take a mutton-chop at home.' " ' Take a mutton-chop at home, in- deed ! ' The wretched man little knew 28 AN INTERESTING EVENT what truth he was telling there ; for, 1 give you my honour, sir, five minutes after- wards, Mrs. Wake, having finished tying up the door with my gloves, and all the other servants cf the house being absent upon various errands conneded with the mtere^mg occasion, she reappeared a- mong^ us, holding an uncovered dish, on which there were two cold mutton-chops left from the children's dinner ! And I left the unhappy man to eat these, and went away to devour my own chagrin. " It was pouring with rain, sir, as 1 went down the ^reet. There are no cabs within a mile of Hyde Park Gardens ; and 1 was soon wet through, and my shirt-front and cravat all rumpled with rain ; otherwise, 1 might have gone into a 29 AN INTERESTING EVENT tavern and dined, and slipped into the Topham Sawyers in the evening. But I was too great a figure for that ; and I was forced, positively, to come back to this Club to take my morning clothes out of the bag, and reassume them, and to dine here at my own charge, after hav- ing refused one of the be^ dinners in London." " Is that all, old boy ? " Jones asked. "All! no, it isn't all!" said Smith, with a horrid shriek of laughter. " Look here, sir." And he pulled out a note, which he read, and which was to the following effed; : — " ' Dear Smith, — You were the fir^ person in the house after an intere^ing 30 AN INTERESTING EVENT event occurred there, and Fanny and I have agreed that you mu^ be godfather to our little Granger. Both are doing very well, and your little god-daughter eledt is pronounced by the authorities to be the prettied and larger child ever seen of her age. " ' Mrs. Walkinghame is ^ill w^ith us, and Wake allows me to go out some- times. When will you give me the din- ner you promised me at the Megather- ium? We might go to Vauxhall after- wards, where Van Amburgh, I am told, is very intere^ing and worth seeing. Yours ever, dear Smith, " ' Leonard Budgeon.' " ' There, sir," cried Smith, " is n't that 31 AN INTERESTING EVENT enough to try any man's patience? Ju^ tot up what that ' intere^ing event' has co^ me — not the dinner to Budgeon, who is a good fellow, and I don't grudge it to him — but the re^. Cabs, four shillings; gloves, three-and-six ; Henrica Hays, whom I might have had with two hundred thousand pounds; and add to this a silver mug or a papboat, which will co^ me four or five pound, and a couple of guineas to that vixen of a Mrs. Wake ; — and all coming from an inter- e^ing event." " Suppose we have coffee ? " Jones re- marked. And as I could not li^en de- cently any more to their conversation, I laid down the newspaper and walked away. FINIS This edition consi^s of two hundred and twenty-five copies, twenty-five of which are on Japanese vellum. Arranged and Printed at the Bewick Press, Brooklyn. Ntw York, U. S. A. ("fin^