EfKlO^gM ^ liTTyVWisEflNb' m\ ' ZniNNAlHonmri/lMTRtm 5 —^mrL-^^i y I M^m II i i 807.73 TITLE _62£q V' ^""^ - Enofi^kg^wiity 307.73 S269 y Antrim, M. "T. Knocks witty, v/ise, and - d4 \»V^_U -r-^-^K.. "^^VL^X iM\, I -^-Ai^Y C- ms ^^ VJlIjTrY\JiljSE*fl>Jbk-— — TTlnzEs flHhCRnzES dfLdve. etc. ?^ = S FHILBbCLFHlfl 801- A/ /Vi Outt • Copyright, A. D. 1905, by George W. ]acobs 6 Co. Poblished October. 1905. O C 1 E T Y ! Snub, snicker, sneer, sniff. That's all A m T takes oceans of t\me and barrels of money to be a consistent sinner. ^ ^ RIDGE'* is to Daughter of Mammon all that **Crap" is to a Son of Ham. ww JHLii^^ IFE may be short, but a smart woman manages to get lots in, and out of it. ■ b OT every woman may be a Princess, but it's a stupid woman who cannot be one man's *' Queen." EN who love deeply are unselfish. Few men are unselfish. HERE is nothing like an empty stomach to quicken the desire to earn your own bread* OWARDS are not invari- ably liars, but liars are invariably cowards. # # w h o marry great geese must not expect to father: Jittle swans EOPLE who live in stone houses should never throw glasses. F your wife had only married that model man, what a good time you might be having. »• 71 JgmL "STRAIGHT" worldling is more to be respected than a biased Christian. • • HEN short, borrow every cent your friends can ** spare**; it won't take long to pay it back. ARRIAGE is a lottery in which all women are eager to take a chance. ■ ■ LADY and her maid can outlie two ^ers. ONG tongues and short tempers are usually mated. • • ON*T toady. However, da not differ too loudly from those in power R ^ILJ^ E polite. Perhaps your family won't mind if you practice upon them. • • OYE is misery well sweet- ened, and divided between two adults of different sex. •!• J F Love "gives wit to men", it takes wisdom from women. HEN cheek meets cheek, thed comes the tug for more. COFFERS at marriage are Iil;3 blind men sneering at | the light. 9 • CLEVER liar is invari- ably careful. J T takes a dainty woman to be a sweet little liar! ■ ■ ANY a man is a hero to his wife who is several kinds of a coward to others. a a HE man-eatincj monster in matrimonfal waters is — Selfish- ness. • • ■JUPOT every young wife can Jbe her husband's ** first love," tut she can be his last — if he dies soon enough. m m ^LJi^ ETTING into Society is easy; all you have to do is to invent it a new folly. Getting out is easier; all you have to do is — nothing. V^AME? Pull with the Press. HEN a man marries, his wife's troubles begin. ■ ■ HE mornincf after will ye painless if the night before has been calm. a ■ wo powerful destroyers of conjugal felicity: Whine and Per- versity. ■ I FASHIONABLE marriage 15 a contract to quarrel for [He. M m OVE dies oftener from over-feeding than from mal-nutrition, EN flatter because they know women are strong believers in reciprocity, m m J T'S often very expensive to think out loud. ♦ ♦ AN'S love of verity is never so touchingly manifest as when his wife consults him regard- ing her looks* ca ^^JW PINSTERS comfort themselves with the certainty that there will be no patronizing married women in heaven, ♦ ♦ LD age is the devil who terrorizes beautiful women. ILL that a good cry is to a woman, a round swear is to an an^ry man-. • • HE pangs of love are awful. Few men, however^ need an anaesthetic. ^ ^^ LITTLE woman Is as capable as a big man when it comes to "raising Cain'M ■ ■ H EN bored, say the wrong thing to the right person at ^^^the wrong ^\time, and things may liven up. E may die to slow masic, but most of us like to live in rac(-time. AGNER? Bans 111 OSBANDS sometimes want the last word; wives always do. The wives win. ♦ 4 MAN'S man is always a woman's man, but a woman's man Is rarely a man's man* HEN a woman is too III to read about balls and barcfains, she is indeed in danger. • • 2f ^ mL SMARTyoungwom-^^ an can concoct more ways of spends in^ a fortune than a brace of old brokers can to make one. • # KITTENISH child is adorable, but a kittenish woman always suggests "cat." ,, 'HE atmosphere of love is mostly hot air. HE tragedies of married life are comedies to the "Sinner.*' The comedies are tragedies to the "Saint." 4 4 T takes considerable >raitis to sin artistically; a finished sintier is rarely found out. m m ONCERNING legal matters: If your claim is bad, get a good lawyer; if your claim is good, a bad lawyer is good enough. . ^ EN are never as good as their mothers think, nor as bad as their enemies say. o a Jg^ HE conventional man objects to his wife smoking cigar- ettes. The conventional woman objects to her husband smoking cigarettes. He smokes • • OVE is credulity multiplied by' two ^ ^ HE woman who hesitates i$ bos*$ed. ^^ Your follies will exhaust your tear- bac(. m m VE never cared a fig leaf for Public Opinion. • • BRIDE considers all Spinsters^martyrs and all bachelors churls. ■ ■ f^ lANY who "thank their God ** are talking to themselves. HEN a Liar meets a Gossip, he bows with great deference. EBT is the pitiless wheel that grinds and grinds and — grinds ! LL'S flare in love and war. F Junk should give out, what would we do for "Art"! TS all right to say what you think if you think all right. - • • ARRIAGE/* "Mirage" — how alike! • • ASTY marriages usually begin with a inarch and end with a gallop* m m N proportion to public dears'' are private "damns" amonc( c(ushinc( mates. • • HERE is no fool like an old mule N amazincf quantity of good woman ^oes to waist. ■ ■ HE best housekeepers are often the worst home-makers. ■ OW many cyclones would be averted if words would fail us at the proper moment! » • EAVEN!! Receipted bills. HE "Bridge" of Fashion often becomes the "Bridcje of Sighs". O not forget to leave cards upon certain occasionSt but never leave them whilst yoa hold a winning hand, ■ * HE limited express to Hades is scarcely speedy enough for a wife who '*don*t care". ■ ■ 1TTLE be- devilments ignite love's ardors. Big bedevil- ments put them out. ARRIAGE is the art of learnincf to stay good by contract. EFORM is always in order for the other fellow. MAN marries the girl; a widow marries the man. • • XTRAORDINARILY plain women carry free transporta* tien to heavem m m I ^BL P she has skill to manip- ulate her past, and solidify her present, any smart woman may have a future. ♦ ♦ FFINITY is powder, proximity is the match and you are the fool ^ ^ HE Devil is no snob; neither has he a lazy bone in his body. ^ ^ HE LODGE" is to man all that "a headache" is to woman. INK twice before you Speak. GR grandmothers ** listened to the mocking bird '*: we listen to the mocking herd« ■ ■ RAP — a vehicle. Trap- per — a little widow. • • OVE is the dawn of joy, Marriage its noon, Divorce its night NE who forgets at will has a marvelous future. ♦ ♦ OBSTER? Yoar rival. WOMAN'S way out of an embarrassing position is hyster- ics ; a man'Sr the door. • • lAMONDS are eager pleaders at the court of love. PPAREL is important. To wear too many clothes, costs a lot of money; to wear too few, often costs more. . . OCIETY Is composed of the Quick (who are very two sets fast) and the Dead— ly ■ ■ ADY Folly's score: One glass — frisky; two — foolish; three — flippant; four — gone I 4 4 B 000 013 284 5 L^:^.'- ^>