.^ m LIBRARY VWmSWf OF CALIFORNIA RIVERSIDE THE BIOGRAPHICAL EDITION THE WORKS OF WILLIAM MAKEPEACE THACKERAY WITH BIOGRAPHICAL INTRODUCTIONS BY HIS DAUGHTER, ANNE RITCHIE IN THIRTEEN VOLUMES Volume III. THE MEMOIRS OF MR. CHARLES J. YELLOWPLUSH THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND, Etc ^S32. /'■■'JU^.At. Pf'.-i^^^i^ fU ^L :'f'l/i.^ltu~£:Z^. Ot '[ ME MEMOIRS OF MR. CHARLES J. YELLOWPLUSH TflE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH AND THE GREAT HOGGARTV DIAMOND COX'S DL\RY, Etc. BY WILLIAM MAKEPEACE THACKERAY WJTJJ ILLUSTRATIONS BY GEORGE CRUIKSHANK AND A PORTRAIT OF THE A UTIIOR HARPER & BR OTHER. S PUBLISHERS NEW YORK AND LONDON 1900 p' i'i THE BIOGRAPHICAL EDITION OF W. M. THACKERAY'S COMPLETE WORKS Edited by Mrs. Annk Thackeray RiTCHlE The volutnes are issued asj .ir as possible in order of original publication VANITY FAIR PENDENNIS YELLOWPLUSH PAPERS, Etc. BARRY LYNDON, Etc. SKETCH BOOKS (S. CONTRIBUTIONS TO " PUNCH," Etc 7. HENRY ESMOND, Etc. 8. IHK NEWCOMES 9. CHRISTMAS BOOKS, Etc 10. THE VIRGINIANS 11. PHILIP, Etc. 12. DENIS DUVAL, Etc 13. MISCELLANIES Illustrated. Crown 8vo, Cloth, Ornamental, Uncut Edges and Gilt Tops, $1 7S per volume HARPER & BROTHERS, PUBLISHERS, NEW YORK AND LONDON Copyright, 1898, by Harpbr & Bbothbrs CONTENTS PAGE INTRODUCTION . . , , . . , .XV THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND CHAP. I. GIVES AN ACCOUNT OF OUR VILLAGE AND THE FIRST GLIMPSE OF THE DIAMOND ... 3 II. TELLS HOW THE DIAMOND IS BROUGHT UP TO LONDON, AND PRODUCES WONDERFUL EFFECTS BOTH IN THE CITY AND AT THE WEST END . 9 III. HOW THE POSSESSOR OF THE DIAMOND IS WHISKED INTO A MAGNIFICENT CHARIOT, AND HAS YET FURTHER GOOD LUCK . . . . .19 IV. HOW THE HAPPY DIAMOND - WEARER DINES AT PENTONVILLE ....... 29 V. HOW THE DIAMOND INTRODUCES HIM TO A STILL MORE FASHIONABLE PLACE .... 33 VI. OF THE WEST DIDDLESEX ASSOCIATION, AND OF THE EFFECT THE DIAMOND HAD THERE . . 39 VII. HOW SAMUEL TITMARSH REACHED THE HIGHEST POINT OF PROSPERITY ..... VIII. RELATES THE HAPPIEST DAY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH's LIFE ........ IX. BRINGS BACK SAM, HIS WIFE, AUNT, AND DIAMOND, TO LONDON 48 57 63 VUl CONTENTS CHAP. X. XI. XII. XIII. OF SAMS PRIVATE AFFAIRS, ANT> OF THE FIRM OF BROUGH AND HOFF ..... IX WHICH IT APPEARS THAT A MAN MAY POSSESS A I>IAMOXD, AND YET BE VERY HARD PRESSED FOR A DINNER IN WHICH THE HERO's AUNT's DIAMOND MAKES ACQUAINTANCE WITH THE HERO's UNCLE IX WHICH IT IS SHOWN THAT A COOI> WIFE IS THE BEST DIAMOND A MAN CAN WEAR IN HIS BOSOM . . ... PAGE 95 lOG I. II. III. IV. V. VI. VH. VIM. I\. THE TTvEMEXDOrS ADVENTrilES OF MAJOli GAHAGAN " TRUTH IS STRANGE, STRANGER THAN FICTION " ALLYGHUR AND LASWAREE .... A PEEP INTO SPAIN — ACCOUNT OF THE ORIGIN AND SERVICES OF THE AHMEDNUGGAR IRREGULAR.s THE INDIAN CAMP — THE SORTIE FKO.M THE FORT THE ISSUE OF MY INTERVIEW FAMINE IN THE (JARKI.^ON THE ESCAPE . THE CAPTIVE SURPRISE OF FUTTYGHUn WITH MY AVIFE 119 131 140 153 ir.i 1G5 171 174 180 COX'S DlAllY JANUARY THE ANNOUNCEMENT FEBRUARY FIRST ROUT .... MARCH — A DAY WITH THE SURREY HOUNDS APRIL — THE FINISHING TOUCH . 189 193 197 201 CONTENTS IX MAY — A NEW DROP-SCENE AT THE OPERA JUNE — STRIKING A BALANCE .... .JULY — DOWN AT BEULAH .... AUGUST — A TOURNAMENT .... SEPTEMBER OVER-BOARDED AND UNDER-LODGED OCTOBER — NOTICE TO QUIT NOVEMBER — LAW LIFE ASSURANCE . DECEMBER — FAMILY BUSTLE .... PAGE 205 209 213 217 221 225 229 233 THE MEMOIRS OF MR. C. J. YELLOWPLUSH MISS shum's husband THE AMOURS OF MR. DEUCEACE : — DIMONl) CUT DIMOXn ...... FORING PARTS ........ MR. DEUCEACE AT PARIS : CHAP. I. THE TWO BUNDLES OF HAY II. " HONOUR THY FATHER " III. MINEWVRING IV. HITTING THE NALE ON THE V. THE GRIFFIN S CLAWS VI. THE JEWEL . VII. THE CONSCiUINSIES . VIII. THE END OF MR. DEUCEACE's IX. THE MARRIAGE X. THE HONEYMOON . ' . MR. YELLOWPLUSh's AJEW SKIMMINGS FROM "THE DAIRY OF GEORGE IV." EPISTLES TO THE LITERATI 237 256 270 • • • « 279 • 284 • ■ • • 290 HEDD " 297 • . . . 300 304 . 311 HISTORY — LIMBO 315 • • • • 329 . 331 . . • > 338 E IV." 348 360 VUl CONTENTS CHAP. PAGK X. OF sam's private affairs, and of the firm OF BROUGH AND HOFF ..... 75 XI. IN WHICH IT APPEARS THAT A MAN MAY POSSESS A DIAMOND, AND YET BE VERY HARD PRESSED FOR A DINNER ...... 86 XII. IN WHICH THE HERo's' AUNT's DIAMOND MAKES ACQUAINTANCE WITH THE HERO's UNCLE . 95 XIII. IN WHICH IT IS SHOWN THAT A GOOD WIFE IS THE BEST DIAMOND A MAN CAN WEAR IN HIS BOSOM . . . . . ... 106 I. II. III. THE TREMENDOUS ADVENTURES OF MAJOR GAHAGAN "truth IS STRANGE, STRANGER THAN FICTION" ALLYGHUR AND LASWAREE .... A PEEP INTO SPAIN — ACCOUNT OF THE ORIGIN AND SERVICES OF THE AHMEDNUGGAR IRREGULARS IV. THE INDIAN CAMP THE SORTIE FROM THE FORT V. THE ISSUE OF MY INTERVIEW ' WITH MY WIFE VI. FAMINE IN THE GARRISON .... Vri. THE ESCAPE ....... VIII. THE CAPTIVE ...... IX. SURPRISE OF FUTTYGHUR .... 119 131 UO 153 161 165 171 174 180 COX'S DIARY JANUARY THE ANNOUNCEMENT FEBRUARY — FIRST ROUT .... MARCH A DAY WITH THE SURREY HOUNDS APRIL — THE FINISHING TOUCH . 189 193 197 201 CONTENTS IX MAY — A NEW DROP-SCENE AT THE OPERA JUNE — STRIKING A BALANCE .... JULY — DOWN AT BEULAH .... AUGUST — A TOURNAMENT .... SEPTEMBER OVER-BOARDED AND UNDER-LODGED OCTOBER — NOTICE TO QUIT .... NOVEMBER — LAW LIFE ASSURANCE . DECEMBER — FAMILY BUSTLE .... PAGE 205 209 213 217 221 225 229 233 THE MEMOIRS OF MR. C. J. YELLOWPLUSH MISS SHUM'S HUSBAND . . " THE AMOURS OF MR. DEUCEACE : DIMOND CUT DIMOND . . . . FORING PARTS MR. DEUCEACE AT PARIS : — CHAP. I. THE TWO BUNDLES OF HAY IL " HONOUR THY FATHER " III. MINEWVRING . IV. " HITTING THE NALE ON THE V. THE griffin's CLAWS VL THE JEWEL . VII. THE CONSQUINSIES . VIII. THE J;ND OF MR. DEUCEACE's IX. THE MARRIAGE X. THE HONEYMOON . ' . MR. YELLOWPLUSH's AJEW SKIMMINGS FROM " THE DAIRY OF GEORGE IV. EPISTLES TO THE LITERATI 237 256 270 • • • • 279 • • • • 284 • • • • 290 HEDD " 297 • • • • 300 ■ • • • 304 ■ • • ■ 311 HISTORY LIMBO 315 • • ■ • 329 • • • • 331 • • " • 338 E IV." 34S • • • • 360 CONTENTS THE DIARY OF C. JEAMES DE LA PLUCHE, ESQ., WITH HIS LETTERS A LUCKY SPECULATOR THE DIARY .... JEAMES ON TIME BARGINGS JEAMES ON THE GAUGE QUESTION MR. JEAMES AGAIN . PAGI 381 387 424 426 429 A LEGEND OF THE RHINE CHAP. I. SIR LUDWIG OF HOMBOURG . II. THE GODESBERGERS III. THE FESTIVAL . . . , IV. THE FLIGHT V. THE traitor's DOOM VI. THE CONFESSION . . . . VII. THE SENTENCE VIII. THE CHILDE OF GODESBERG . IX. THE LADY OF WINDECK X. THE BATTLE OF THE BQ-WTVIEN XI. THE MARTYR OF LOVK, . XII. THE CHAMPION . . . . XIII. THE MARRIAGE 435 439 444 446 448 452 455 457 465 471 476 482 488 CHARACTER SKETCHES CAPTAIN ROOK AND Mil. PIGEON THE FASHIONABLE AUTHORESS . THE ARTISTS .... 495 511 523 CONTEXTS XI THE FATAL BOOTS JANUARY — THE BIRTH OF THE YEAR FEBRUARY— CUTTING WEATHER MARCH SHOWERY .... APRIL FOOLING .... MAY RESTORATION DAY . JUNE — MARROWBONES AND CLEAVERS JULY SUMMARY PROCEEDINGS AUGUST — DOGS HAVE THEIR DAYS . SEPTEMBER PLUCKING A GOOSE OCTOBER — MARS AND VENUS IN OPPOSITION NOVEMBER A GENERAL POST DELIVERY . DECEMBER- THE WINTER OF OUR DISCONTENT PAGE 541 545 549 553 557 561 565 569 573 577 581 585 THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY CHAP. I. OF THE LOVES OF MR. PERKINS AND MISS GORGON, AND OF THE TWO GREAT FACTIONS IN THE T01,ATJ OF OLDBOROUGH 591 II. SHOWS HOW THE PLOT BEGAN TO THICKEN IN OR ABOUT BEDFORD ROW . . . . = 607 IIL BEHIND THE SCENES 619 GOING TO SEE A MAN HANGED 633 I LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS PORTRAIT OF W. M. THACKERAY, 1832 Frontispiece PAGE BLUE FROCKCOAT ........ XVi THACKERAY AT HARE COURT, TEMPLE .... Xni BUCKSTONE ......... xviii KING .......... xviii MEGREEDY ......... xix LORD CHANCELLOR XXVii PEEPING LADY . Xxix GARRICK CLUB HEADS ....... XXXii DOMESTIC DREAMS ....... XXXiii ATELIER ......... XXxiv DE LA PLUCHE. M. A. TITMARSH. MAJOR GAHAGAN . XXxlX COX'S DIARY JANUARY — THE ANNOUNCEMENT FEBRUARY FIRST ROUT MARCH A DAY WITH THE SURREY HOUNDS APRIL THE FINISHING TOUCH MAY A NEW DROP-SCENE AT THE UPERA JUNE — STRIKING A BALANCE. To face page 190 194 198 202 20G 210 xiv LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS JULY — DOWN AT BEULAH . . . To face page 214 AUGUST A TOURNAMENT .... SEPTEMBER — OVER-BOARDED AND UNDER-LODGED OCTOBER NOTICE TO QUIT .... NOVEMBER LAW LIFE ASSURANCE DECEMBER — CHRISTMAS BUSTLE 218 222 220 230 232 THE FATAL BOOTS JANUARY — THE BIRTH OF THE YEAR FEBRUARY CUTTING WEATHER MARCH — SHOWERY APRIL FOOLING .... MAY — RESTORATION DAY JUNE — MARROWBONES AND CLEAVERS JULY SUMMARY PROCEEDINGS AUGUST — DOGS HAVE THEIR DAYS . SEPTEMBER — PLUCKING A GOOSE OCTOBER MARS AND VENUS IN OPPOSITION NOVEMBER A GENERAL POST DELIVERY DECEMBER "THE WINTER OK OUR DISCONTENT 542 546 550 554 558 562 566 570 574 578 582 586 INTRODUCTION TO YELLOWPLUSH PAPERS AND HOGGARTY DIAMOND, etc. 1831— 1837 I. The early years which my father spent in London, looking about him, trying his 'prentice hand on life, coming and going with his friends, were those in which he saw most of Edward FitzGerald, Charles and Arthur Bnller, of John and Henry Kemble, all of whom seem, to have been his playfellows. Al- fred and Frederick Tennyson, and John Allen, are also among those who are constantly mentioned in the notes and the letters of that time. These young knights of the Mahogany Tree used to meet and play and work together, or sit over their brandy-and-water discussing men and books and morals, speculating, joking, and contradicting each other — liking fun and talk and wit and hu- man nature, and all fanciful and noble things. Alfred Tenny- son was already the poet laureate of this little court, which was roaming about London, with so much vigour and cheerful mirth. They all went their own ways. They heartily admired each other (and no wonder), and they encouraged the minor graces as well as the major virtues. Among other things they seem to have greatly admired a blue frockcoat of FitzGerald's, of XVI YELLOW PLUSH PAPERS which he himself has written more than once in his letters. " It looks delightful in church," he says, I have a letter addressed to Edward .FitzGerald, Esq., at Mrs. Perry's, Trumpington Street, Cambridge, and docketed '■'■ first letter from W. M. T. after mrj departure from London in November 1831." " I don't think my rooms will ever appear comfortable again," says the letter. " Here are your things lying in the exact place you left tliem. . . . The Kembles have called ; J. yesterday, Henry to-day — he is a dear fellow, and we talk about nothing but you and the theatre. . . ." Then again : "John Kemble stayed with me till five o'clock, vvlien we set forth on a walk; we went round the Regent's Park, and he had the talk to himself. It was agreeable enough : about his Spanish adventures, and his friend '^- General Torrijo's exploits. He has asked me to his house. . . , Mrs. Kemble has returned, leaving her daughter at Paris." This was at the time my father sat every day in Mr. Taprell's office j)crched on a high stool, drawing up legal docu- ments. Mr. Taprell was a special pleader and conveyancer, and it would be curious to come across a legal document in his pupil's handwriting. Almost a year before this time my grandparents and my father had come to the conclusion that he should go to the bar. He himself was anxious to begin work. Writing to his mother from Germany, January 25, 18;31, he says: "I do believe, mother, that it is not merely an appetite for novelty which prompts me, but really a desire to enter a profession and do my duty in it. I am nearly twenty years old — at that time my father had been for five years engaged on his. I am fully aware how difficult and disagreeable ray task must be for the first four years, but I have an end in view and an independence to gain ', and if I can steadily keep 'this before me, I shall not, I trust, flinch from the pursuit of them." By the autumn of that year the young student was established in the Temple. BLUE FROCKCOAT. INTRODUCTION xvu He sent Mr. FitzGerald a picture of himself, and of liis stool and of No. 1 Hare Court, Temple, and one of the lamp-post and the railings outside. The drawing given here is from a letter home. * " W. M. T. to Major Carmichael-Smyth. ''December 18:51. " I go pretty regularly to my pleader's, and sit with him till past five ; then I come home and read and dine till about nine or THACKERAY AT HARE COURT, TEMPLE. past, when I am glad enough to go out for an hour and look at the world. As for the theatre, I scarcely go there more than once a week, which is moderate indeed for me. In a few days come the Pantomimes ! Plnzza ! " I have been to Cambridge, where I stayed four days feasting on my old friends, so hearty and hospitable. ... I could have stayed there a month and fed on each. XVlll YELLOWPLUSH PAPERS " I find this work really very pleasant : one's day is agreeably occupied ; there is a newspaper and a fire and just enough to do. Mr. Taprell has plenty of business, and I should think would be glad of another assistant, whom I hope to provide for him, in my friend Kemble, with whom I am very thick. ... I have been employed on a long pedigree case, and find myself BUCKSTONE. KING. very tolerably amused, only it is difiicult to read dry law-books and to attend to them. I sit at home a good deal, but proceed very slowly. I have to lay out nearly £5 to-day for these same ugly books." A diary which was written in the early part of 1832 brings INTRODUCTION XIX back very vividly the daily life of that time. It begins with a family record. "■Monday, April 2, 1832. — In the morning William Ritchie called — he has grown a very fine boy." Then comes a description of going to see Haydon's pictures: " Mr. Haydon, by dint of telling all the world he is a great painter, has made them believe it. The ' Mock Election ' is MKGREEnr. Queen (Mrs. Bulger). Hamlet! thou liast thy father mucli offended. Hamlet (Megreedy). Madam, thou has my father much offended. Queen. There's the least taste in life of linen hanging out behind. i very forced and bad, ' Xenophon ' so so, and the rest of the pictures about as good as the ' Mock Election.'" " Went to see father and mother at Covent Garden. The opera was the ' Barber of Seville.' Miss Inverarity sang charm- ingly, but has a mouth big enough to sing two songs at once. Wilson has one of the freshest voices I ever heard. Wrote XX YELLOWPLUSH PAPERS some verses for Charlotte Shakespeare, which are not quite fin- ished." *'■' Sunday, April 29. — Breakfasted at Bullers', and met his brother (Arthur Buller), a very nice fellow, and very well read. Idled about all day till dinner-time, when A. Buller and King- lake dined with me at the Bedford. At night went canvassing for Percy and Pteform ; it was a silly prank, but has shown me how easy it is to talk men over. ... I wish to God I could take advantage of my time and opportunities as C. Buller has done. It is very well to possess talents, but using them is better still. Just as I had written my criticism on Buller, enter D., who tinds fault with him for the very things which I thought so creditable. He says he has not taken advantage of his opportunities. To be sure, as to advancement, society, and talent, he has had greater advantages than most men. Not the least of them that Carlyle was his tutor. " Went to Chambers. Dined in Hall; afterwards Kemble and Hallam sat here for an hour. Read an article in Blackioood about A. Tennyson, abusing Hallam for his essay in the Eng- lishman. Read the Monthly, which is cleverer than any of the others, I think. Took a shilling's worth at the Strand Theatre to see the 'Judgment of Paris,' a poor thing enough." It was about this time that he went to see Macready in the " Merchant of London," " a good play, and admirably acted." The drawing here given belongs, perhaps, to a somewhat later date, but it is evidently a sketch of a young Macready, adapted to a jesting story by the youthful chronicler. It was in these very early days that my father made the ac- quaintance of Dr. Maginn, with whom he bad further dealings.* * Mr. Blanchard Jenold describes Father Prout in Paris, speaking to him of this time: "Without preface" — he was a man void of preface in speech (Mr. Jerrold writes), and like Siebenkas, advocate of the poor, he laid the et;g of his act or deep sayin^r, without any nest on the naked rock — " I In- " troduced Thackeray to Maginii." — Tiie Fatlier laughed as the vision pass- ed before him. — " Thackeray was a young buck in those days, wanted to "make a figure in literature, la belle affaire! So he tiiought he must help "himself to a magazine. It is an expensive toy. A magazine wanted an "editor; I recommended Billy Maginn." A burst of sharp laughter fol- lowed this. " It wasn't so easy to get hoM of Master Maginn in tiiose times. " However, I did get hold of him, and made Thackeray's proposition then INTRODUCTION xxi The first mention of him is in the diary from which I have been quoting. "Wednesday, May 2, 1832. — Dr. Maginn called and took me to the Standard, showing me the mysteries of printing and writing leading articles. With him all day till four. Dined at the Sablonniere." Next day he dines with Dr. Maginn at the King's Head. " A dull party of low literary men." " Wrote yesterday to E. F. G. with a letter as from Herrick. Might have been made pretty, but was poor enough. How can a man know his own capabili- ties? Not by reading, by which one acquires thoughts of others, and gives one's self the credit of them. Bulwer has a high reputation for talent, and yet I always find myself competing with him." Then again, a little further on : " Maginn with mc all the morning, one of the pleasantest I ever passed. Maginn read Homer to me, and he made me admire it as I had never done before ; moreover he made me make a vow to read some Homer every day, which vow I don't know whether I shall keep. His remarks were extraordinarily intelligent and beautiful, mingled with much learning, a great deal of wit, and no ordinary poet- ical feeling. . . . Told me concerning G.'s roguery, but he was not angry enough at it." (This last sentence is very character- istic of ray father.) Day by day he continues to chronicle the occupations and amusements of the moment : — " Walked out with Paget through Kensington Gardens, where we strolled about and lay on the grass. Lunched at the Black Lion at Bayswatcr. On returning home found half-a-dozen men comfortably settled in my rooms, to which were presently added as many more, and at last got rid of them and went to bed at eleven. All the morning at Buller's, drawing caricatures. Met Mrs. Austin there, a pretty, pleasant woman. Found that C. B. and 1 did not at all agree about poetry." Elsewhere he writes: "and tliere. Before Billy Maginn could go into the matter he must have "£500 " Of all this the writer knows nothing, but she gives the passage as it is printed, and she owes the quotation to the kindness of Mr. Loder of Wood- bridge. xxii YELLOWPLUSH PAPERS "C. B. is H clever fellow, at any rate, and makes money by magazine writing, in wliich 1 should much desire to follow his example." On another page he mentions that Kemble has been reading him some very beautiful verses of Tennyson's. The music was in the air — not only was the poet come, but those who had ears to hear. The diary continues : " Supped at the Bedford with D., who is to breakfast with me. I have never known what adversity is, or I should be able, perhaps, to understand his incomprehensi- ble recklessness and quiet, with things hanging over him which if discovered might leave him a beggar and an outcast. I do not love him now as in old times, and perhaps it is lucky for me, for my pocket at any rate !" Another day he is going about trying to find a market for his caricatures. A certain Mr, Gibbs'says he can dispose of them for him. There is also another friend, a bookseller. " Had a talk with Mayer, who is quite a patriarch in his way. A fat old fellow in black tights and gaiters. He has promised to let me have his books at trade price." Here is another entry : " BuUcr and Curzon* dined with me at the Bedford. Ciirzon is the same noble little fellow he was at school, with all his old enthusiasm and no humbug. When I supposed him grown cool, it was I that was conceited, and not he ; meeting Curzon again has made me very happy." " Sunday, May 13. — Breakfasted with Edwards. Sat all the morning with Dobbs. To-day a bishop has been pulled out of his pulpit; what may come to-morrow? — perhaps a king may be pulled off his throne. This sounds very like clap-trap, l)ut I fear it will be true." "Read law for about an hour. Went at eleven to Somerset Coffee House; met Dr. Maginn, whom I like for his wit and good feeling. Thence to Montagu Place to finish the pantomime trick for John Henry. Called at Kcmble's, Du Pre's, and Patties', and dined at the Bedford. J. Kemble and Pearson here till late in the evening talking metaphysics, of which Pearson has read a good deal, and Kemble amazingly little. Walked in the Park with Mr. Dick and Kemble; met the Duke looking like an old hero." * Hon. R. Curzon, author of "Curzon's Monasteries" — a Carthusian to begin with. INTRODUCTION xxiii It is at Dr. Maginn's that my father meets Mr. Giffard, a " very learned and pleasant man," and further on he writes : " Very much delighted with the goodness of Giffard."* At first there are constant mentions of Dr. Maginn, of his scholarship and kindness and brilliant talk ; then come others far less to the Doctor's credit. The reverse of the medal ap- pears : it is not the King's head any more that we see; but the dragon, with its claws and ugly forked tongue turns up, and alas ! no St. Geoi'ge to the rescue. The story is a tragic one. How could it be otherwise with such brilliant gifts, such fatal instincts. Mrs. Oliphant, before she laid down her pen, that pen which was ever moved by lov- ing wit, told the history and quoted Lockhart's touching epi- taph, of which the last line sums up the spirit of the whole : " Many worse, better few, than bright, broken Maginn." The echoes, the common-sense, the daily sounds and sights of the early thirties, seem to reach one as one looks over these letters and note-books of a date when even the early Victorian times were not, and William was King, when the heroes who had fought for England and her very existence were resting on their laurels and turning their swords into scythes. There were domestic battles still to contest. The Reform Bill was being fought inch by inch — " that Catilinarian Reform Bill," as Coleridge calls it, writing at the time from Highgate Hill. In the little hall of my father's house in Young Street there used to be a print hanging over tl>e chimney-piece which represented the passing of the Reform Bill. It was a well- known print by S. W. Reynolds. Lord John Russell, as a young man, is standing up with a very high collar to his coat. Lord Pahnerston, and all the great men of the time, with curls and mutton-chop whiskers, are grouped round about in ingen- ious profiles and three-quarter faces. A gleam of light conies dazzling in from one of the windows overhead, and is falling straight upon the scroll of Liberty. " The Ministers, the Reform Bill, and the country gone to the devil," my father writes on May 9th. "Went to the House * Probably T. L. Giffard, editor of the Standard, and father of the present Lord Halsbury. — Diet, Nat. Biog. xxiv YELLOWPLUSH PAPERS of Commons and got iu with Curzon's order. It will soon, I suppose, be a house of delegates. . . . Bought a big stick where- with to resist all parties in case of an attack." But after all there is no rising in London as he anticipates. " The Duke has been attacked in the streets," he says fur- ther on. " Bracy walked home with him; the Duke shook his hand and thanked him. Bracy says he has lived four and twenty years, but never felt so happy as to-day. Bravo, Bracy ! I did not think you such a trump before." The Reform Bill played a part in my father's life as it did in that of his friends, and at this time he himself made his first appearance in the arena of politics. But he was never a keen politician. Pictures and plays form a much larger share of his early interests than either poli- tics or law cases. Only he sympathized warmly with his friends and companions, and never hesitated to utter his sympathies. It is impossible also not to feel even now how just were his in- stinctive provisions and criticisms. Any one reading the speech- es he made in 1858, when he was standing for the City of Ox- ford, might realise how many of the things which he advocated then have come about. I can still remember how people blamed him for some of the things he said, for wishing for the Ballot, for Universal Suffrage, and for all the changes that we are quite used to now, which have proved to be friendly ploughs making ready the land for the harvest of the future, rather than those catastrophes and cataclysms which were anticipated. " How deeply we all regret your dear father's dangerous views," I can remember various voices saying, with a quaver of disapproba- tion ; specially one dignified old lady, who', I believe, asked us to dinner solely on pui'pose to remonstrate with him. He used sometimes to speak of a happy expedition into Cornwall, when he went to Liskeard to help Charles Buller in his election in 1832. Long after, when the people of Liskeard sent to ask my father himself to stand as their representative, he was greatly tempted and amused by the suggestion, but he said he could not afford it then. This happened before he had crossed the water to America. The £1000 which Oxford cost him in later days was, I think, all paid for in silver dollars. INTRODUCTION xxv The account of the Duller election is in his diary, and is cheerful reading. There is also a letter to his mother, dated from Polwellan, West Looe. ''Jime25, 1832. " Are you surprised, dear mother, at the direction ? Cer- tainly not more prepared for it than I was myself, but you must know that on Tuesday in last week I went to breakfast with Charles Buller, and he received a letter from his constituents at Liskeard requesting him immediately to come down ; he was too ill, but instead deputed Arthur Buller and myself — so off we set that same night by the mail, arrived at Plymouth the next day, and at Liskeard the day after, when we wrote addresses, canvassed farmers, and dined with attorneys. Then we came on to Mr. Buller's, and here I have been very happy since Fri- day. On Wednesday last I was riding for twelve hours' can- vassing — rather a feat for me ; and considering I have not been on horseback for eight months my stiffness yesterday was by no means surprising. But it is seven o'clock of a fine summer's morning, so I have no fatigue to complain of. I have been ly- ing awake this morning meditating on the wise and proper man- ner I shall employ my fortune on when I come of age, which, if I live so long, will take place in three weeks. . . . Charles Buller comes down at the end of next week: if you want me sooner I will come ; if not, I should like to wait for the Re- form rejoicings, which are to take place on his arrival, particu- larly as I have a great share in the canvassing." FROM THE DIARY. ''June 20, 1832. — Breakfasted with Charles Buller. At eight o'clock we set off by the mail outside, crossed the water to Tor Point, and set off for Liskeard by the mail. Here our first act was a blunder — we went to the wrong Inn. This, how- ever, was soon remedied, our trunks were withdrawn, and our- selves breakfasted at Mr. Lyne's the attorney. " Most of the day was occupied in composing an address for Charles Buller, the one he sent down being considered unsatis- factory. Arthur's was fixed upon by us, it was good but wordy ; then we went to see two more attorneys to con over the address. xxvi YELLOWPLUSH PAPERS and to drink tea, and at half-past ten we set oflE in pouring rain to Polwellan, where we arrived at twelve, and went gladly to bed." " Thursday, June 21. — Woke and forgot all my travelling troubles after a long sweet sleep, and found myself in a very charming house, in a pretty room, and with a pleasant family ; the servants all mistook me for Charles Buller. I was kindly received by Mr. and Mrs. Buller. The day has passed pleas- antly enough with a walk, and a lunch, and a ride, and a dinner, and a long talk afterwards about subjects of which none of the party knew anything. At dinner there was a gentleman re- markable for his name, Captain Toop Nicholas. The house is very pleasant, the master of it most kind-hearted and honest, and the mistress a very charming woman, an ancient flame of my father's. We rode to Morvel, an Elizabethan house with some noble woods. On Wednesday rode with A. Buller twelve miles canvassing, and found much more good feeling and in- telligence among the farmers than I had expected. There seems to be a class of farmers here unknown to our part of Devonshire, men of tolerable education, though not of a large property, not unlike the Scotch farmer." Elsewhere my father describes his host, " as he sits at table surrounded by his family portraits, a fine specimen of a kind al- most gone out now." Here is a pleasant page of life. " After a merry day at Tem- plars we set off in his cart to Newton, where we waited till 8.30 for the mail. At about one we reached Plymouth, and on Mon- day, 9th, arrived by mail at ten o'clock at Liskeard, and found all the town in an uproar, with flags, processions, and triumphal arches, to celebrate Charles Buller's arrival. Rode out to meet him, and had the honour, with some half-a-dozen others, to be dragged in with him. The guns were fired, the people shouted and pulled us through all parts of the town. C. Buller made a good speech enough, then we adjourned to Mrs. Austin's to lunch, and then to submit again to be pulled about for the pleasure of the constituents. This business lasted from twelve till four, during which I was three times gratified by hearing my song about Jope sung t6 a tune, I suppose by some of the choristers. . . . Arrived at Polwellan at six, and was glad to see it again, for they certainly have been very kind." r c O o 3: > v. r. o so xxviii YELLOWPLUSH PAPERS The notes of electioneering alternate with the books which he is reading, the people he is talking to, and the places he visits. He reads " Wallenstein " in the morning, rides in the afternoon, talks to the young ladies in the evening, and draws^ pictures. He meets Sir William Molesworth, who is standing for the county, and with whom he always kept up a friendship in after life, and who is here described as a " sensible fellow." Electors go on dragging carriages and feasting in gardens, can- didates make speeches, and when it pours with rain they all ad- journ together to the Town Hall. Dances as well as tea drink- ings are given in the cause of Liberal politics. One lady ap- pears upon the scene, by whom at first he seems to be rather fascinated. But she — counting, perhaps, too much upon a young man's powers of attention — spares him no detail of com- plicated domestic history, and on Saturday, July 11, he notes, "A blank chiefly occupied by Mrs. 's voluminous conver- sation." Politicians appear to have been cheerful, young, and gay in those days, with much less of Guy Favvkes about them than th^re is now. On the 18th July 1832 he writes : " Here is the day for which I have been panting so long." He was now of age and his own master. H. I have heard that the man who followed my father at Mr. Taprell's chambers found the desk full of sketches and carica- tures, which he had left behind him,* It was quite evident that though he was amused by the work at first, his real place was not in Hare Court ; his gifts lay in other directions, and the visions here depicted were never to be realised, although my father was actually called to the Bar in 1848. In May of 1832 he had written: " This lawyer's preparatory education is certainly one of the most cold-blooded, prejudiced pieces of invention that ever a man was slave to. ... A fellow * Mr. Reginald Smith tells me that the successor to my father's place, who rose to be a dignitary of the law, unwarily showed his trouvaille to the Special Pleader, who confiscated the sketches. INTRODUCTION XXIX should properly do and think of nothing else than Law. Never mind. I begin to find out that people are much wiser than I am (which is a rare piece of modesty in me), and that old heads do better than young ones, that is in their generation, for I am sure that a young man's ideas, however absurd and rhapsodical ^-^^8^ PEEPINO LADY. they are, though they mayn't smack so much of experience as those of these old calculating codgers, contain a great deal more nature and virtue. Here are hot weather and green trees again, dear mother, but the sun won't shine into Taprell's chamber, and the high stools don't blossom and bring forth buds. matutini roses aura que salubres ! I do long so for fresh air and fresh butter, only it isn't romantic." His deliverance followed close upon this, for he seems to have gone straight from Cornwall to France, stopping at Havre, sketch- ing by the way, and reaching Paris before the end of August. XXX YELLOWPLUSH PAPERS At Paris my father immediately subscribed to a reading-room m the Palais Royal, with quiet rooms and a pleasant look-out. He seems to have set to work at once, sent for a master, and begun to study French literature, lie came in for the rise of the romantic school, and he makes his own criticism upon it " In the time of Voltaire," he says, " the heroes of poetry and drama were fine gentlemen ; in the days of Victor Hugo they bluster about in velvet and mustachios and gold chains, but they seem in nowise more poetical than their rigid predecessors. " I read to-day a novel of Balzac's called the Peau de Chagrin, which possesses many of the faults and many of the beauties of the school. Plenty of light and shade, good colouring and cos- tumes, but no character." He also reads in Gibbon and studies old Montaigne, and is absorbed by Cousin's " History of Philosophy." " The excite- ment of metaphysics must equal almost that of gambling," he says. Besides reading books of every sort and size he goes to the Louvre, to the Bibliotheque Royale, looking over the en- gravings and copying some of them, and very constantly indeed he is at the theatre, where he sees most of the actors, and young Mdlle. Mars " playing deliciously in a pretty piece called Valerie,''^ and Mdlle. Dejazet at the Palais Royal in a piece called Napo- leon a Brienne — N.apoleon was apparently as much in fashion then as now. — At Franconi's they have also a representation of the Emperor and all his army. Here is a very striking comment upon a contemporary event: — Paris, August 8, 1832. " I read the other day in the papers — Hier S.M. a envoye com'plimenter V Ambassade^ir de VAutriche sur la mori du Due de Reichstadt. It is as fine a text for a sermon as any in the Bible — this poor young man dying, as many say, of poison, and L. P. presenting his compliments on the occasion. Oh, Genius, Glory, Ambition — what ought you to learn from this ? and what might I not teach, only I am hungry and going — to breakfast !" It was in January 1833 that Major Carmichael-Srayth became associated with the National Standard and Journal of Litera- ture^ Science, Music, and the Fine Arts — I have do doubt, partly INTRODUCTION < xxxi with a view to give my father an opening- in literature, and also to retrieve some heavy losses which had fallen upon them both about this time ; — an Indian bank had failed, English money was mismanaged, and retrenchment became absolutely neces- sary. The following letters will show that he was working very steadily at journalism for some time besides thinking of painting as a profession. The first is written in London to her mother at Porchester Terrace, Bayswater : — " I have been wanting very much to see you, dearest mother, but this paper has kept me so busily at work, that I really and truly had no time. " I have made a woodcut for it of Louis Philippe, which is pretty good ; but have only written nonsense, in the shape of reviews. The paper comes out to-morrow afternoon, and then I will come up to you with a copy thereof. I have been obliged to put off the play and everything else, having actually done nothing except work the paper. I send a boy with this, for I thought you would be glad to know what my proceedings are. God bless you, dearest mother ! I send you a couple of maga- zines I have received in my new capacity." The next letter comes from France again : — Paris, July 6, 1833. "It looks well to have a Parisian correspondent, and I think that in a month more I may get together stuff enough for the next six months. I have been thinking very seriously of turn- ing artist; I think I can draw better than do anything else, and certainly like it better than any other occupation ; why shouldn't I ? It requires a three years' apprenticeship, however, which is not agreeable, and afterwards the way is clear and pleasant enough. An artist in this town is by far a more distinguished person than a lawyer, and a great deal more so than a clergyman." It will be seen that there were different views then about art, to those we hold now ; parents have to be convinced by the rising generations in turn. During these two or three years my father seems to have XXXll YELLOW PLUSH PAPERS come and gone constantly from Paris to London, probably on account of his work for the newspapers. He writes from the Garrick Club, on September 6, 1833 : " I am wanting very much to leave this dismal city, dear mother, but 1 must stay for some time longer, being occupied in writ- ing, puffing, &c., and other delightful employments for the Standard. I have had an offer made for a partner, which 1 think 1 shall accept, but the business cannot be settled for a week or ten days. In the meantime I get on as well as I can, spending my mornings in St. Paul's Churchyard, and my even- ings in this Qub, which is a pleasant and cheap place of resort. We have, thanks to me and some other individuals, established a smoking-room, another great comfort. I am writing on a fine, frosty day, which, consideiing this is the height of the summer, or ought to be, is the more to be appreciated. 1 find a great change between this and Paris, where one makes friends ; here, though for the last three years I have lived, I have not positively a single female acquaintance. I shall go back to Paris, I think, and marry somebody. There is another evil which I complain of, that this system of newspaper writing spoils one for every other kind of writing. I am unwilling, now more than ever, to write letters to my friends, and always find Mr. Poole, Don Telebfoko de Tocche. James Smith, Author of " Paul Pry." ' ' Rejected Addresses." GARRICK CLUB HEADS. myself attempting to make a pert, critical point at the end of a sentence. I have just had occasion to bid adieu to Regulus ; he has been breaking bottles of wine and abstracting liquors therefrom, and this after T had given him a coat, a hat, and a INTRODUCTION XXXlll half-crown to go to Bartholomew Fair. He lied stoutly, wept much, and contradicted himself more than once, so I have been obliged to give him his conge, and am now clerkless. This is, DOMESTIC DREAMS. I think, the only adventure which has occurred to me. I have been talking of going out of town, but les affaires ! — as for the theatres, they are tedious beyond all bearing, and a solitary evening in chambers is more dismal still. One has no resource but the Club, where, however, there is a tolerably good library of reviews and a pleasant enough society— of artists of all kinds, and gentlemen who drop their absurd English aristocratical no- tions. You see by this what I am thinking of — I wish we were all in a snug apartment in the Rue de Provence. FitzGerald has been in town for a day or two, and I have plenty of his acquaint- ances. There are a number of litterateurs who frequent this Club, and the National Standard is, I am happy to say, grow- ing into repute, though I know it is poor stuff. "A friend of mine, just come from the country, says he shot xxxiv YELLOWPLUSH PAPERS ten brace on the 1st of September ; may father have had as good sport. There are lots of partridges here for four shillings a pair. These are some of the characters of the Club; Smith is very like." In October he is back in Paris again, and writes to his mother : " 1 want now to settle, to marry, and then to live in the little house in Albion Street, going to church regularly, ris- ing early, and walking in the Park with Mrs. T. " Then what interesting letters I could write you about Billy's progress in cutting his teeth, and Johnny's improvement in spell- ing ! As it is, I have nothing earthly to talk about except my- self — and I am tired of filling my letters with Ps. " I spend all day now at the Atelier, and am very well satis- fied with the progress I make. I think that in a year, were 1 to work hard, I might paint something worth looking at. The other men at the Atelier are merry fellows enough, always sing- ing, smoking, fencing, and painting very industriously besides. Most of them have skill in painting, but no hand for drawing. Little Le Portein himself is a wonderful fellow. I never knew so young a man paint so well and so rapidly. . . .'The artists, with their wild ways and their poverty, are the happiest fellows in the world. I wish you could see the scene every day in the Atelier. Yesterday we had a breakfast for five, consisting of five sausages, three loaves, and a bottle of wine, for fifteen sous. Afterwards pipes succeeded, and then songs, imitations of all the singers in Paris." It is well known that the Literary Standard did not fly for very long. After it was hauled down my father returned to Paris, and resumed his painting. He has left us one or two sketches of his student life. " W. M. T. to Mrs. Carmichael-Smytfi. "Garrick Club, December 1833. "I fear, the Xs. pudding must be eaten without me, as my assistant, Hume, has gone into the country, and left me to do all the work. Now I am anxious that the first number for the year should be a particularly good one, and I am going to change the name to the Literary Standard, and increase the price to 3d., with which alteration I hope to do better. I am INTRODUCTION XXXV sure we shall be as merry in the new house as possible. I be- lieve I ought to thank Heaven for making me poor — it has made me much happier than I should have been with the money. But this is a selfish wish, for I shall now have to palm myself on you and my father just at the time when I ought to be inde- pendent." At this time he was working with Brine, who was a well- known artist of the dashing, impressionist school. There is one scene from the Atelier in his note-book which might have been quoted by Mr. du Maurier in his " History of Trilby " : about a girl who would not pose, but instead sang songs and cut capers ; and this is followed by a description of ATELIER. the artist at the head of the studio, " a venerable man with a riband of honour, an excellent man I am told, a good father of a family — but superior to all the rest by the extreme bathos of his blackguardisms. ... It is no wonder that the French are such poor painters with all this." On June 11 he writes: "Tuesday the Louvre opened, and I made on that day, and Wednesday, a little copy of Watteau.and of another picture. ... It is very pleasant and calm to the eye xxxvi YELLOW PLUSH PAPERS to see the old pictures after the flaring gaudy exhibitions, whicli shut up in January. I have been looking with much delight at the Paul Veronese, and at some bits of Rubens's. The Raphaels do not strike me more than they did before." On another day he notes at the Bibliotheque du Roi: "Copied and admired Lucas van Leyden, a better man, I think, than Albert Diirer, and mayhap as great a composer as Raphael himself." He had been living with his grandmother, Mrs. Butler, most of this time, and with various old ladies, her friends and ac- quaintances. It is impossible not to be struck by my father's patience and dutifulness, and by the way in which he bore with trying tempers and with the infirmities of age and disposition, but it can be imagined that this was not a very congenial at- mosphere ; domestic nerves and squabbles were always in the air, and he often thinks with envy of a quiet garret or a silent cell to himself. Finally he seems to have accomplished his am- bition. " This is our last day at Chaillot," he writes, " and I am sor- ry to leave this most beautiful view, though I shall be happy enough in my little den in the Rue des Beaux Arts, where I in- tend to work hard, and lead a most pious, sober, and godly life ;" and so the journal ends. A great many blank leaves fol- low, and a few more accounts, and a new page is turned over. HL My father has sometimes told me that he lost his heart to my mother when he heard her sing ; she had a very sweet voice and an exquisite method. He was twenty-five when he married, in 183C, and I have lately read the register, copied verbatiTn from the records of the French Embassy at Paris, as quoted by Messrs. Merivale & Mar- zials. My mother was Isabella Gethen Creagh Shawe, daughter of Colonel Matthew Shawe; her mother was a Creagh. Another important event happened to my father in 1836: a second newspaper was started, in which he and his stepfather were very much concerned. Major Carmichael- Smyth was chairman of a company formed to publish the Constitutional, an ultra-Liberal newspaper, that was to have the support of INTRODUCTION xxxvh Charles Biiller, Sir William Moles worth, and the Radical party. By Major Carmichael-Smyth's interest my father, who had a great many shares in the undertaking, was appointed Paris cor- respondent, at a salary of £400 a year. It was upon this ap- pointment that he married. He had met my mother at his grandmother's — there had been ancient Indian relations between the families. A recent book of pictures by Mr. Eyre Crowe, R.A., gives a charming sketch of the Rue St. Augustin as it was in 1836, when my father and my mother lived in that quarter. The New Street of the Little Fields was close by with that Restaurant so famed for its Bouille-a-baisse. In this same book are to be found many more of an old friend's remembrances and sketches. One is of the house in London in which my parents settled down in 1837, in Great Coram Street, out of Brunswick Square. The Yellowplush correspondence — one of the earliest of the author's contributions to literature — must have been written in Great Coram Street. It appeared in Fraser's Magazine in 1837. It is the first of his writings that was ever published as a book, having been brought out, not in England, but in America, in 1838, by Messrs. E. L.Carey and L. A. Hart, of Philadelphia.* The book was not republished in England until 1841 by Hugh Cunningham. I hardly know — nor if I knew, should I care to give here— the names and the details of the events which suffffested some of the Yellowplush papers. The history of Mr. Deuceace was written from life during a very early period of my father's ca- reer. Nor can one wonder that his views were somewhat grim at that particular time, and still bore the impress of an expe- rience lately and very dearly bought. He was naturally trustful, and even enthusiastic, about peo- ple who were kind to him ; but, as it seems scarcely necessary to say, the author of "Vanity Fair" had a great deal of com- mon-sense, and a very rapid perception of facts when they final- ly shaped themselves. As a boy he had lost money at cards to some card-sharpers who scraped acquaintance with him. He has told us that they * Mr. W. H. Lambert, of Philadelphia, has kindly sent a copy of this pretty old-fashioned volume. xxxviii YELLOWI^LtlSH PAPERS came and took lodgings opposite to his, on purpose to get hold of him. He never blinked at the truth, or spared himself ; but neither did he blind himself as to the real characters of the people in question, when once he had discovered them. His villains became curious studies in human nature; he turned them over in his mind, and he caused Deuceace, Barry Lyndon, and Ikey Solomons, Esq., to pay back some of their ill-gotten spoils, in an involuntary but very legitimate fashion, when he put them into print and made them the heroes of those grim early histories. " Major Gahagan " burst into life, boots and all, in Colburn's New Monthly Magazine for 1838. In a frontispiece to " Comic Tales and Sketches " are to be found the three portraits of Ma- jor Gahagan, De la Pluche, and Michael Angelo Titmarsh, arm in arm — " They are supposed to be marching hand in hand on the very brink of immortality," says Mr. Titmarsh in his intro- duction. Yellowplush, that bird of rare plume, also belongs to this same early burst of fun and spring-time. Yellowplush contin- ued his literary efforts for some years ; but as he went up in the world, he became Jeames de la Pluche, Esq. The longest lived of the three was Michael Angelo Titmarsh, a life-long companion. We know that Haroun al Raschid used to like to wander about the streets of Bagdad in various disguises, and in the same way did the author of " Vanity Fair" — although he was not a Calif — enjoy putting on his various dominos and charac- ters. None of these are more familiar than that figure we all know so well, called Michael Angelo Titmarsh. No doubt my father first made this artist's acquaintance at one of the studios in Paris. Very soon Mr. Titmarsh's criticisms began to appear in various papers and magazines. He visited the salons as well as the exhibitions over here, he drew most of the Christmas books, and wrote them too. He had a varied career. One could almost write his life. For a time, as we know, he was an assistant master at Dr. Birch's Academy. . . . He was first cous- in to Samuel Titmarsh of the great " Hoggarty Diamond " ; also he painted in water-colours. . . . To the kingdom of Heaven he assuredly belongs ! kindly, humorous, delightful little friend ; INTRODUCTION XXXIX DB LA PLUCHE. M. A. TITMARSH. MAJOR GAHAGAN. xl YELLOWPLUSH PAPERS droll shadow behind which my father loved to shelter himself. In Mr. Barrie's life of his mother he tells us how she wonders that he should always write as if he were some one not him- self. Sensitive people are glad of a disguise, and of a familiar who will speak their thoughts for them. . . . From time to time my father returned from Coram Street to Paris for short visits on business or amusement. It was in Paris in 1838 that he wrote the following letter to my mother, part of which I cannot help copying out : — "... Here have we been two years married and not a sin- gle unhappy day. Oh, I do bless God for all this happiness which He has given me. It is so great that I almost tremble for the future, except that I humbly hope (for what man is cer- tain about his own weakness and wickedness) our love is strong enough to withstand any pressure from without, and as it is a gift greater than any fortune, is likewise one superior to pov- erty or sickness, or any other worldly evil with which Provi- dence may visit us. Let us pray, as I trust there is no harm, that none of these may come upon us ; as the best and wisest Man in the world prayed that he might not be led into tempta- tion. ... I think happiness is as good as prayers, and I feel in my heart a kind of overflowing thanksgiving which is (juitc too great to describe in writing. This kind of happiness is like a fine picture, you only see a little bit of it when you arc close to the canvas, go a little distance and then you sec how beautiful it is. 1 don't know that I shall have done much by coming away, except being so awfully glad to come back again. "How shall I fill this page — I think by Mr. U. K.'s hackney coach adventure. He had been to a theatre on the Boulevards, and was coming home with a lady. It was midnight, no lamps on the Boulevards, no hackney coaches, and pouring cats and dogs. At last a man came to hira and asked if he wanted a coach. Yes, says the cheerful correspondent of the Times, and in he jumped, he and his fair lady. Well, two men got on the box, and when after half-an-hour O. R. ventured to open one of the windows, he found they were driving Heaven knows where, tearing madly down solitary streets between walls. The more he cried out, the more the man would not stop ; and he pulled INTRODUCTION xli out a penknife, and folding his arm round the waist of Mrs. O. R., determined to sell his life at a considerable expense. At this instant, bonheur I — Providence sent a man into that very street, which before or since was never known to echo with a mortal footstep. Swift as lightning, the young correspondent burst open the door of the coach, and bidding the lady follow, sprang out. Tliey landed in safety. Down came one of the ruffians from the box, when O. R. with gigantic force seized his arm, uplifted no doubt to murder the gentleman of the press. He held him writhing in his iron grip until the stranger ar- rived, whom seeing, t'other chap on the box flogged his horses and galloped away in the darkness and solitude. The poor wretch, the companion of his guilt, now sunk on his knees, when the stranger, looking at him fixedly and fiercely, drew from beneath his cloak a . . . This is all. God bless you, dearest wife." "Paris, March 20, 1838. '♦ There is a chance of £350 a year here. Poor 13. is dvincr, and his place is worth as much ; but then I throw away a very good position in London, where I can make as much, and a little fame into the bargain. My game, as far as I can see it, is to stick to the 7'imes. I have just come from seeing ' Marion Delorme,' the tragedy of Victor Hugo, and am so sickened and disgusted with the horrid piece that I have hardly heart to write. The last act ends with an execution, and you are kept a long hour listening to the agonies of parting lovers and grim speculations about head-chopping, dead bodies, coffins, and what not — I am as sick as if I had taken an emetic. " I have been writing all day, and finished and despatched an article for the Times. My next visit will be to the Spanish pict- ures, the next to Versailles, and on Monday next, please God, I will be home. . . . To-day I have been to Versailles, and afterwards to the opera — it was a benefit, and all sorts of oddities from all sorts of theatres were played — everything intolerably tedious, ex- cept an act from a very old opera, ' Orpheus,' by Gluck, which was neither more nor less than sublime. Dupre is the most de- lightful tenor I ever heard, with a simplicity of voice and method qnite delicious, as good as Rubini, without his faults, singing his notes steadily with no trick or catches or quavers and such xlii YELLOWPLUSH PAPERS music ; like very fine Mozart, so simple and melodious, that by all the gods I have never heard anything like it. " The Versailles gallery is a humbug — a hundred gilded rooms with looking-glasses and carved ceilings, and 2000 bad pictures to ornament them." Readers of the " Paris Sketch Book " will perhaps remember the striking passage which concludes the paper entitled " Medi- tations at Versailles." A. I. R. THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND CHAPTER I GIVES AN ACCOUNT OF OUR VILLAGE AND THE FIRST GLIMPSE OF THE DIAMOND WHEN I came up to town for my second year, my aunt Hoggarty made me a present of a diamond-pin ; that is to say, it was not a diamond-pin then, but a large old-fashioned locket, of Dublin mamdacture in the year 1795, which the late Mr. Hoggarty used to sport at the Lord Lieutenant's balls and elsewhere. He wore it, he said, at the battle of Vinegar Hill, when his club pigtail saved his head from being taken of}', — but that is neither here nor there. Li the middle of the brooch was Hoggarty in the scarlet uniform of the corps of Fencibles to which he belonged ; around it were thirteen locks of hair, belonging to a baker's dozen of sisters that the old gentleman had ; and as all these little ringlets partook of the family hue of brilliant auburn, Hoggarty's portrait seemed to the fanciful view like a great fat red round of beef surrounded by thirteen carrots. These were dished up on a plate of blue enamel, and it was from the Great Hoggarty Diamond (as we called it in the family) that the collection of hairs in question seemed as it were to spring. My aunt, I need not say, is rich ; and I thought I might be her heir as well as another. During my month's holiday, she was par- ticularly i)leased "svith me ; made me drink tea with her often (though tliere was a certain person in tlie village witli whom on those golden summer evenings I should have liked to have taken a stroll in the hayfields) ; promised every time I drank her bohea 4 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH to do something handsome for me when I went back to town, — nay, three or four times had me to dinner at three, and to whist or cribbage afterwards. I did not care for the cards ; for tliough we always played seven hours on a stretch, and I always lost, my losings were never more than nineteenpence a night : but there was some infernal sour black-currant wine, that the old lady always pro- duced at dinner, and with the tray at ten o'clock, and which I dared not refuse ; though upon my word and honour it made me very unwell. Well, I thought after all this obsequiousness on my part, and my aunt's repeated promises, that the old lady would at least make me a present of a score of guineas (of which she had a power in the drawer) ; and so convinced was I that some such ])resent was in- tended for me, that a young laily by the name of Miss Mary Smith, with whom I had conversed on the subject, actually netted me a little green silk purse, which she gave me (behind Hicks's hayrick, as you turn to thv. right up Churchyard Lane) — which she gave me, I say, wra])ped up in a bit of silver paper. There was something in the purse, too, if the truth must be known. First there was a thick curl of the glossiest blackest hair you ever saw in your life, and next there was threei)ence : that is to .say, the half of a silver sixpence hanging by a little necklace of blue riband. Ah, but I knew where the other half of the sixpence was, and envied that happy bit of silver ! The last day of my holiday I w;\s obliged, of course, to devote to Mrs. Hoggarty. ]\Iy aunt was excessively gracious ; and by way of a treat brought out a couple of bottles of the black currant, of which she made me drink the greater part. At night when all the ladies assembled at her jiarty had gone ort' with their pattens and their maids, Mrs. Hoggarty, who had made a signal to me to stay, first blew out three of the wax candles in the drawing-room, and taking the fourth in her hand, went and unlocked her escritoire. I can tell you my heart beat, though I pretended to look quite unconcerned. " Sam, my dear," said she, as she w;is fumbling with her keys, "take anotlier ghiss of Rosolio " (that Avas the name by which she baptized the cursed beverage) : " it will do you good." I took it, and you might have seen my hand tremble as the bottle went click — click against the glass. By the time I had swallowed it, the old lady had finished her operations at the bureau, and was coming towards me, the wax candle bobbing in one hand and a large parcel in the other. " Now's the time," thought I. "Samuel, my dear nephew," said she, "your first name you AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 5 received fi'om your sainted uncle, my blessed husband ; and of all my nephews and nieces, you are the one whose conduct in life has most pleased me." When you consider that my aunt herself was one of seven married sisters, that all the Hoggarties were married in Ireland and mothers of numerous children, I must say that the compliment my aunt paid me was a very handsome one. "Dear aunt," says I, in a slow agitated voice, "I have often heard you say there were seventy -three of us in all, and believe me I do think your high opinion of me very complimentary indeed : I'm unworthy of it — indeed I am." " As for those odious Irish people," says my aunt, rather sharply, " don't speak of them ; I hate them, and every one of their n\others " (the fact is, there had been a lawsuit aliout Hoggarty's property) ; " but of all my other kindred, you, Samuel, have l)een the most dutiful and aftectionate to me. Your employers in London give the best accounts of your regularity and good conduct. Though you have had eighty pounds a year (a liberal salary), you have not spent a shilling more than your income, as other young men would ; and you have devoted your month's holidays to your old aunt, who, I assure you, is grateful." " Oh, ma'am ! " said I. It was all that I could utter. " Samuel," continued she, " I promised you a i^resent, and here it is. I first thought of giving you money ; but you are a regular lad ; and don't want it. You are above money, dear Samuel. I give you what I value most in life — the p, — the po, the po-ortrait of my sainted Hoggarty " {tears), " set in the locket which contains the valuable diamond that you have often heard me speak of. Wear it, dear Sam, for my sake ; and think of that angel in heaven, and of your dear Aunt Susy." She put the machine into my hands : it was about the size of the lid of a shaving-box : and I should as soon have thought of wear- ing it as of wearing a cocked-hat and pigtail. I was so disgusted and disappointed that I really could not get out a single word. When I recovered my presence of mind a little, I took the locket out of the bit of ]iaper (the locket indeed ! it was as liig as a barndoor padlock), and slowly put it into my shirt. " Thank you, aunt," said I, with admirable raillery. " I shall always value this present for the sake of you, who gave it me ; and it will recall to me my uncle, and my tliirteen aunts in Ireland." " I don't want you to wear it in that way ! " shrieked Mrs. Hoggarty, "with the hair of those odious carroty women. You must have their hair removed." " Then the locket will be siwiled, aunt." 6 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH " Well, sir, never mind the locket ; have, it set afresh." " Or suppose," said I, " I put aside the setting altogether : it is a little too large for the present fashion ; and have the portrait of my uncle framed and ])laced over my chimney-piece, next to yours. It's a sweet miniature." " That miniature," said Mrs. Hoggarty solemnly, " was the great Midcahy's chef-d'oeuvre^^ (pronounced shy deivver, a favourite word of my aunt's ; being, wuth the words boiuftong and ally mode de Parry, the extent of her French vocabulary). " You know the dreadful story of that poor poor artist. When he had finished that wonderful likeness for the late Mrs. Hoggarty of Castlo Hoggarty, county Mayo, she wore it in her bosom at the Loril Lieutenant's ball, where she played a game of piquet with the Commander-m- Oliief. What could have made her put the hair of her vulg-ar daughters round Mick's portrait, I cant think ; but so it was, as you see it this day. 'Madam,' says the Commander-in-Chief, *if that is not my friend Mick Hi^ggarty, I'm a Dutchman ! ' Those were his Lordshi|)'s very words. Mrs. Hoggarty of Castle Hoggarty took off the brooch and showed it to him. " ' Who is the artist 1 ' says my Lord. ' It's the most wonderful likeness I ever saw in my life ! ' " ' Mulcahy,' says she, ' of Ormond's Quay.' "'Begad, I ]iatroni.se him I ' sjiys my Lord; but presently his face darkened, and he gave back the picture with a dissatisfied air. 'There is one fault in that portrait,' said his Lordsliip, who was a rigid disciplinarian ; ' and I wonder that my friend Mick, as a military man, should have overlooked it.' " 'What's that?' says Mrs. Hoggarty of Castle Hoggarty. "'Madam, ho has been ])ainted without his sword-belt!' And he took up the cards again in a pa.'^sion, and finished the game without saying a single word. "The news was carried to Mr. Mulcahy the next day, and that unfortunate artist went mad immediately ! He had set his whole reputation upon tliis miniature, and declared that it should be fault- less. Such was the effect of the announcement upon his susceptible heart ! When I\Irs. Hoggarty died, your uncle to(jk the ]»ortrait and always wore it himself His sisters said it was for tlie sake of the diamond ; whereas, ungratefid things ! it was merely on account of their hair, and his love for the fine arts. As for the poor artist, my dear, some i)eople said it was the profuse use of spirit that brought on delirium tremens ; but I don't believe it. Take another glass of Rosolio." The telling of this story always put my aunt into great good- humour, and she promised at the end of it to pay for the ne\v AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 7 setting of the diamond ; desirincc me to take it on my arrival in London to tlie great jeweller, I\Ir. Polonius, and send her the bill. " The fact is," said she, " that the goold in which the thing is set is worth five guineas at the very least, and you can have the diamond reset for two. However, keep the remainder, dear Sam, and buy yourself Avhat you please with it." With this the old lady bade me adieu. The clock was striking twelve as I walked down the village, for the story of Mulcahy always took an hour in the telling, and I went away not quite .so down-hearted as when the present was first made to me. "After all," thought I, "a diamond-pin is a handsome thing, and will give me a distingue air, though my clothes be never so shabljy " — and shabby they were without any doubt. " Well," I said, " three guineas, which I shall have over, will buy me a couple of pairs of what-d'ye-call-'ems ; " of which, entre nous, I was in great want, having just then done growing, whereas my pantaloons were made a good eighteen months before. Well, I walked down the village, my hands in my breeches pockets ; I had poor Mary's purse there, having removed the little things which she gave me the day before, and placed them — never mind where : but look you, in those days I had a heart, and a warm one too. I had Mary's purse ready for my aunt's dona- tion, which never came, and with my own little stock of money besides, that Mrs. Hoggarty's cai'd parties had lessened by a good five-and-twenty shillings, I calculated that, after paying my lare, I should get to town with a couple of seven-shilling pieces in my I walked down the village at a deuce of a pace ; so quick that, if the tiling had been possible, I should have overtaken ten o'clock that had passed by me two hours ago, when I was listening to Mrs. H.'s long stories over her terrible R(jsolio. The truth is, at ten I had an appointment under a certain person's wind(iw, who was to have been looking at the moon at that hour, with her pretty quilled nightcap on, and her blessed hair in papers. There was the window shut, and not so much as a candle in it ; and though I hemmed and hawed, and whistled over the garden paling, and sang a song of which Somebody Avas very Ibnd, and even threw a pebble at the window, which hit it exactly at the opening of the lattice, — I woke no one except a great brute of a house-dog, that yelled, and howled, and bounced so at me over the rails, that I thought every moineiit he would have had my nose between his teeth. So I was obliged to go off as quickly as might be ; and the next morning mamma and my sisters made breakfast for me at four, and 8 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH at five came the " True Blue " light six-inside post-coach to London^ and I got up on the roof without having seen Mary SmitL As we passed the house, it did seem as if the window curtain in her room was drawn aside just a little bit. Certainly the window was open, and it had been shut the night before : but away went the coach ; and the \-illage, cottage, and the churchyard, and Hicks's hayricks were soon out of sight. • " My hi, what a pin ! " said a stable-boy, who was smoking a cigar, to the guard, looking at me and putting his finger to his nose The fact is, that I had never undressed since my aimt's party ; and being uneasy in mind and having all my clothes to pack up, and thinking of something else, had quite forgotten Mrs. Hoggarty's brooch, which I had stuck into my shirt-frill the night before. CHAPTER II TELLS HOW THE DL4M0ND IS BROUGHT UP TO LONDON, AND PRODUCES WONDERFUL EFFECTS BOTH IN THE CITY AND AT THE WEST END THE circumstances recorded in this storj' took place some score of years ago, when, as the reader may remember, there was a great mania in the City of London for estabhshing com- panies of all sorts ; by which many people made pretty fortunes. I was at this period, as the truth must be known, thirteenth clerk of twenty-four young gents who did the immense business of the Independent West Diddlesex Fire and Life Insurance Company, at their splendid stone mansion in Cornhill. ]\Iamma had sunk a sum of four hundred pounds in the purchase of an annuity at this office, which paid her no less than six-and-thirty pounds a year, when no other company in London woidd give her more than twenty-foiu". The chairman of the director was the great Mr, Brough, of the house of Brough and Hoff, Crutched Friars, Turkey merchants. It was a new house, but did a tremendous business in the fig and sponge way, and more in the Zante currant line than any other firm in the City. Brough was a great man among the Dissenting connection, and you saw his name for hundreds at the head of every charitable society patronised by those good people. He had nine clerks residing at his office in Crutched Friars ; he would not take one without a certificate from the schoolmaster and clerg>Tnan of his native place, strongly vouching for his morals and doctrine ; and the places were «o run after, that he got a premium of four or five hundred pounds ■with each yoimg gent, whom he made to slave for ten hours a day, and to whom in compensation he taught all the mysteries of the Turkish business. He was a great man on 'Change, too ; and our young chaps used to hear from the stockbrokers' clerks (we commonly dined together at the "Cock and "Woolpack," a respectable house, where you get a capital cut of meat, bread, vegetables, cheese, half a pint of porter, and a penny to the waiter, for a shilhng) — the yoimg stockbrokers used to tell us of immense bargains in Spanish, Greek, and Columbians, that Brough made, Hoff had nothing to lo THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH do with them, but stopped at home minding exclusively the business of the house. He was a young chap, very quiet and steady, of the Quaker persuasion, and had been taken into partnership by Brough for a matter of thirty thousand pounds : and a very good bargain too. I was told in the strictest confidence that the house one year with another divided a good scA^en thousand pounds : of which Brough had half, Hoft" two-sixths, and the other sixth went to old Tudlow, who had been Mr. Brough's clerk before the new partner- ship began. Tu])ed for another opportunity, and gall()i)t'd ofl" again on his black horse. Wliy the deuce / should have ofl'ended him I never could under- stand. But it seemed as if I wa.s destined to offend all the men that day ; for who should presently come up but the Right Honourable Edmund Preston, one of His Majesty's Secretixries of State (as I knew very well by the almanac in our oftice) and the husband of Lady Jane 1 The Right Honourable Edmund wiw riding a grey cob, and was a fat pale-faced man, who looked as if he never went into the open air. " Who the devil's that 1 " said he to bis wife, looking surlily both at me and her. " Oh, it's a friend of gi-andmamma's and Jane's," said Lady Fanny at once, looking, like a sly rogue as she was, quite archly at AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 23 her sister — who in her turn appeared (jiiite friglitened, and lodkod imploiingly at her sister, and never dared to breathe a syUalile. " Yes, indeed," continued Lady Fanny, " Mr. Titniarsh is a cousin of grandmamma's by the mother's si(h' : l)y tlie Hoggarty side. Didn't you know the Hoggarties wlien you were in Ireland, Echnund, with Lord Bagwig? Let nie introduce you to grandmamma's cousin, Mr, Titmarsh : Mr. Titmarsh, my brother, Mr. Edmimd Preston." There M^as Lady Jane all the time treading upon her sister's foot as hard as possible, and the little wicked thing would take no notice ; and I, who had never heard of the cousinshiiJ, feeling as confounded as could be. But I did not know the Countess of Drum near so well as that sly minx her granddaughter did ; for the old lady, who had just before called poor Gus Hoskins her cousin, had, it appeared, the mania of fancying all the world related to her, and said — " Yes, we're cousins, and not very for removed. Mick Hoggarty's grandmother was Millicent Brady, and she and my Aunt Towzer were related, as all the world knows ; for Decinuis Brady, of Bally- brady, married an own cousin of Aunt Towzer's mother, Bell Swift ■ — that was no relation of the Dean's, my love, who came but of a so-so family — and isn't that clear 1 " " Oh, perfectly, grandniumma," said Lady Jane, laughing, while the right honourable gent still rode by us, looking sour and surly. "And sure you knew the Hoggarties, Edmund? — the thirteen red-haired girls — tlie nine graces, and four over, as poor Glanboy used to call them. Poor Clan ! — a cousin of yours and mine, Mr. Titmarsh, and sadly in love with me he was too. Not remember them all now, Edmund? — not remember? — not remember Biddy and Minny, and Thedy and Widdy, and Mysie and Grizzy, and P(^lly and Dolly, and the rest ? " " D — the Miss Hoggarties, ma'am," said the right honourable gent ; and he said it with such energy, that his grey horse gave a sudden lash out that well-nigh sent him over his head. Lady Jane screamed ; Lady Fanny laughed ; old Lady Drum looked as if she did not care twopence, and said " Serve you right for swearing, you qjous man you ! " " Hadn't you better come into the carriage, Edmund — Mr. Preston ? " cried out the lady anxiously. " Oh, I'm sure I'll slip out, ma'am," says I. " Pooh — pooh ! don't stir," said Lady Drum : " it's my carriage ; and if Mr. Preston chooses to swear at a lady of my years in that ojous vulgar way — in that ojous vulgar way I repeat — I don't see 24 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH why my friends should be inconvenienced for him. Let him sit on the dicky if he likes, or come in and ride bodkin." It was quite clear that my Lady Dnun hated her grandson-in-law heartily ; and I've remarked somehow in families that this kind of hatred is by no means uncommon. Mr. Preston, one of His Majesty's Secretaries of State, was, to tell the tnith, in a great fright upon his horse, and was glad to get away from the kicking plunging brute. His pale face looked still paler than before, and his hands and legs trembled, as he dismounted fruiu the cob and gave the reins to his servant. I disliked the looks of the chap — of the master, I mean — at the first moment he came a\>, when he spoke rudely to that nice gentle wife of his ; and I thought he was a cowardly fellow, as the adventure of the cob showed him to be. Heaven bless you ! a baby coukl have ridden it ; and here was the man with his soul in his mouth at the very first kick, " Oh, quick ! do come in, Edmund," .said Lady Fanny, laughing ; and the carriage steps being let down, and giving me a great scowl as he came in, he was going to place himself in Lady Fanny's comer (I warrant you I wouldn't budge from mine), when the little rogue cried out, " Oh no ! by no means, Mr. Preston. Shut the door, Thomas. And oh ! what fun it will be to show all the world a Secretary of State riding bodkin ! " And pretty glum the Secretary of State looked, I assure you ! "Take my plai-e, Eilmund, and don't minil Fanny's folly," said Lady Jane timidly. "Oh no! Pray, madam, dmi't stir! I'm comfortable, very comfortable ; and so I hope is this Mr. — this gentleman." " Perfectly, I assure you," says I. " I was going to offer to ride your horse home for you, as you seemed to be rather frightened at it ; but the fact was, I was so comforttible here that really I couldn't move." Such a grin as old Lady Dnim gave when I said that ! — how her little eyes twinkled, and her little sly mouth puckered up ! I couldn't help speaking, for, look you, my blood was uj). "We shall always be happy of your company. Cousin Titniarsh," says she ; and handed me a gold snuff-box, out of which I took a pinch, and .sneezed with the air of a lord. " As you have invited this gentleman into your carriage, Lady Jane Preston, hadn't you better invite him home to dinner 1 " says Mr. Preston, quite blue ^^nth rage. "I invited him into /«// carr'age," says the old lady; "and as we are going to dine at your house, and you press it, I'm sure I shall be very happy to see him there." o AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 25 " I'm very sorry I'm engaged," said I. " Oh, indeed, what a pity ! " says Right Honourable Ned, still glowering at his wife. " Wlia£ a pity that this gentleman — I forget his name — that your frieiid, Lady Jane, is engaged ! I am sure vou would have had such gratification in meeting your relation in Whitehall." Lady Drum was over-fond of finding out relations to be sure ; but this speech of Right Honourable Ned's was rather too much, "Now, Sam," says I, "be a man and show your spirit!" So I spoke up at once, and said, " Why, ladies, as the right honourable gent is so very pressing, I'll give up my engagement, and shall have sincere ijleasure in cutting mutton with him. What's your hour, sir?" He didn't condescend to answer, and for me I did not care ; for, you see, I did not intend to dine with the man, but only to give him a lesson of manners. For though I am but a poor fellow, and hear people cry out how vulgar it is to eat peas with a knife, or ask three times for cheese, and such like points of ceremony, there's something, I think, much more vulgar than all this, and that is, insolence to one's inferiors. I hate tlie chap that uses it, as I scorn him of humble rank that aflfects to be of the fashion ; and so I determined to let Mr. Preston know a ])iece of my mind. When the carriage drove up to his house, I handed out the ladies as politely as possible, and walked into the hall, and then, taking hold of Mr. Preston's button at the door, I said, before the ladies and the tAvo big servants^upon my word I did — " Sir," says I, " this kind old lady asked me into her carriage, and I rode in it to please her, not myself. When you came up and asked who the devil I was, I thought you might have put the question in a more polite manner ; but it wasn't my business to speak. When, by way of a joke, you invited me to dinner, I thought I would answer in a joke too, and here I am. But don't be frightened ; I'm not a-going to dine with you : only if you play the same joke upon other parties — on some of the chaps in our office, for example — I reconunend you to h.ave a care, or they will take you at your tvord" "Is that all, sir?" says Mr. Preston, still in a rage. "If you have done, will you leave this house, or shall my servants tm-n you out 1 Turn out this fellow ! do you hear me 1 " and he broke away from me, and flung into his study in a rage. " He's an ojous horrid monsthcr of a man, that husband of yours ! " said Lady Drum, seizing hold of her elder granddaughter's arm, "and I hate him; and so come away, for the dinner '11 be getting cold : " and she was for hurrying away Lady Jane without more ado. But that kind lady, coming forward, looking very pale E 26 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TIT3IARSH and trembling, said, " Mr. Titmarsh, I do hope you'll not be angry — that is, that you'll forget what has happened, for, believe me, it has given me very great " Very great what, I never could say, for here the poor thing's eyes filled with tears ; and Lady Drum crying out " Tut, tut ! none of this nonsense," pulled her away by the sleeve, and went upstairs. But little Lady Fanny walked boldly up to me, and held me out her little hand, and gave mine such a squeeze, and said, " Good-bye, my dear Mr. Titmarsh," so very kindly, that I'm blest if I did not blush up to the ears, and all the blood in my body began to tingle. So, when she was gone, I clapped my hat on my head, and walked out of the hall-door, feeling as proud as a peacock and as brave as a lion ; and all I wished for was that one of tliose saucy grinning footmen should say or do something to me tliat was the least uncivil, su tiiat I might have the pleasure of knot-king him down, with my best com])Uments to his master. But neither of them did me any such favour ! and I went away and dined at home off boiled mutton and turnips with Gus Hoskins quite peacefully. I did not think it was proper to tell Gus (who, between our- selves, is rather curious, and inclined to tittle-tattle) all the parti- culars of the family quarrel of which I had been the cause and witness, and so just said that the old lady ("They were the Drum arms," says Gus ; " for I went and looked them out that minute in the ' Peerage ' ") — that the old lady turned out to be a cousin of mine, and that she had taken me to drive in the Park. Next day we went to tlie otfice as usual, when you may be sure that Hoskins told everything of what liad liaj)pened, and a gi'cat deal more ; and somehow, though I did not ])rctcnd to care sixpence about the matter, I must confess that I was rather ])lcased that the gents in our ofl&ce should hear of a part of my adventure. But fancy my surprise, on coming home in the evening, to find Mrs. Stokes the landlady, Miss Solina Stokes her daughter, and Master Bob Stokes her son (an idle young vagabond that was always ])laying marbles on St. Bride's steps and in Salisbury Square), — when I found them all bustling and tumbling up the steps before me to our rooms on the second floor, and there, on the table, between our two flutes on one side, my allnun, Gus's " Don Juan " and "Peerage" on the other, I saw as follows : — • 1. A basket of great red peaches, looking like the cheeks of my dear Mary Smith. 2. A ditto of large, fat, luscious, heavy -looking grapes. AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 27 3. An enormous piece of raw mutton, as I thought it was ; but Mrs. Stokes said it was the primest haunch of venison that ever she saw. And three cards — viz. — DOWAGER COUNTESS OF DRUM. LADY FANNY RAKES. MR. PRESTON. LADY JANE PRESTON. EARL OP TIPTOFF. *' Sich a carriage ! " says Mrs. Stokes (for that was the way tlie poor thing spoke). "Sich 'a carriage — all over coronites! sich liveries — two great footmen, with red whiskers and yellowplush small- clothes ; and inside, a very old lady in a white poke bonnet, and a young one with a great Leghorn hat and lilue rilxands, and a great tall pale gentleman with a tuft on his chin. " ' Pray, madam, does Mr. Titmarsh live here 1 ' says the young lady, witli her clear voice. " ' Yes, my Lady,' says I ; ' but he's at the office — the West Diddlesex Fire and Life Office, Cornhill.' "'Chiirles, get out the things,' says the gentleman, quite solemn. " 'Yes, my Lord,' sixys Charles; and brings me out the haunch in a newspaper, and on the chauy dish as you see it, and the two baskets of fruit besides. " ' Have the kindness, madam,' says my Lord, ' to take these things to Mr. Titmarsh's rooms, with our, with Lady Jane Preston's comidiments, and request liis acceptance of them ; ' and then he pulled out the cards on your table, and this letter, sealed with his Lordship's own crown." And herewith Mrs. Stokes gave me a letter, which my wife keeps to this day, by the way, and which runs thus : — "The Earl of Tiptotf has been commissioned by Lady Jane Preston to express her sincere regret and disappointment that slie was not able yesterday to enjoy the pleasure of Mr. Titraarsh's com- pany. Lady Jane is about to leave town immediately: she will therefore be unal)le to receive her friends in Whitehall Place this season. But Lord Tiptoff trusts that Mr. Titmarsh will have the kindness to acce])t some of the produce of her Ladyship's garden and park ; witli which, jierhaps, he will entertain some of those friends in whose favour he knows so well how to speak." 28 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH Along with this was a little note, containing the words " Lady Drum at home. Friday evening, June 17." And all this came to me because my aunt Hoggarty had given me a diamond-pin ! I did not send back the venison : as why should 1 1 Gus was for sending it at once to Brough, our director ; and the grapes and peaches to my aunt in Somersetshire. "But no," says I; "we'll ask Bob Swinney and half-a-dozen more of our gents ; and we'll have a merry night of it on Saturday." And a merry night we had too; and as we had no wine in the cupboard, we had plenty of ale, and gin-punch afterwards. And Gus sat at the foot of the table, and I at the head ; and we sang songs, both comic and sentimental, and drank toasts ; and I made a speech that there is no possibility of mentioning here, because, entre nous, I had quite forgotten in the morning everything that had taken place after a certain period on tlie night before. CHAPTER IV nOJF THE HAPPY DIAMOND-IFEARER DINES AT PENTONVILLE I DID not go to the office till half-aii-hour after opening time on Monday. If the truth must be told, I was not sorry to let Hoskins have the start of mc, and tell the chaps wliat had taken place, — for we all have our little vanities, and I liked to be thought well of by my companions. When I came in, I saw my business had been done, by the way in which the chaps looked at me ; especially Abednego, who offered me a pinch out of his gold snuff-box the very first thing. Roundhand shook me, too, warmly by the hand, wlien he came round to look over my day-book, said I wrote a capital liand (and indeed I believe I do, without any sort of flattery), and invited me for dinner next Sunday, in Myddelton Square. " You won't have," said he, " quite such a grand turn-out as with yotir friends at the West End " — he said this with a jiarticular accent — " but Amelia and I are always happy to see a friend in our plain way, — -pdle sherry, old port, and cut and come again. Hey % " I said I would come and bring Hoskins too. He answered that I Avas very jjolite, and that he should be very happy to see Hoskins ; and we went accordingly at the appointed day and hour ; but though Gus was eleventh clerk and I twelfth, I remarked that at dinner I was helped first and best, I had twice as many force-meat balls as Hoskins in my mock-turtle, and pretty nearly all the oysters out of the sauce-boat. Once Roundhand was going to help Gus before me ; when his wife, who was seated at the head of the table, looking very big and fierce in red crape and a turban, shouted out, " Antony ! " and poor R, dropped the plate, and blushed as red as anything. How Mrs. R. did talk to me about the West End, to be sure ! She had a " Peerage," as you may be certain, and knew everything about the Drum family in a manner that quite astonished me. She asked me liow nuich Lord Drum had a year ; whether I thought he had twenty, thirty, forty, or a hundred and fifty thousand a year ; whether I was invited to Drimi Castle ; what the young ladies wore, and if they had those odious 30 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH gigot sleeves which were just coming in then ; and here Mrs. R. looked at a ])air of large mottled arms that she was very proud of. " I say, Sam my boy ! " cried, in the midst of our talk, Mr. Roundhand, who had been passing the port-wine round pretty freely, " I hope you looked to the main chance, and put in a few shares of the West Diddlesex,— hey ? " " Mr. Roundhand, have you put up the decanters downstairs % " cries the lady, quite angry, and wishing to stop the convereation. " No, Milly, I've emptied 'em," says R. " Don't Milly me, sir ! and have the goodness to go down and tell Lancy my maid " (a look at me) " to make the tea in the study. We have a gentleman here who is not ^lsed to Pentonville ways " (another look); "but he won't mind the ways of Jri^nds." And here Mre. Roundhand heaved her very large chest, and gave me a third look that was so severe, that I declare to goodness it made me look quite foolish. As to Gus, she never so much as spoke to him all the evening ; but he consoled himself witli a gTeat lot of muffins, and sat most of the evening (it wa.s a cruel hot summer) whistling and talking with Roundliand on the verandah. I think I should like to have been "with them, — for it wa-s very close in the room with tliat great big Mrs. Roundhand squeezing close up to one on the sofo. " Do you recollect what a jolly night we had here last summer 1 " I heard Hoskins say, who Avas leaning over the balcony, and ogling the girls coming home from church. " You and me with our coats off, plenty of cold rum-and-water, Mrs. Roundhand at Margate, and a whole box of Manillas ? " "Hush !" said Roundhand, quite eagerly; "Milly will hear." But Milly didn't hear : for she was occupied in telling me an immense long story about her waltzing with the Count de Schlop- penzollcrn at the City ball to the Allied Sovereigns : and how the Count had great large wiiite moustaches ; and how odd she thought it to go whirling round tlie room with a great man's arm rouml your waist. " Mr. Roundhand has never allowed it since our marriage — never; but in the year 'fourteen it was considered a proper com- pliment, you know, to j)ay the sovereigns. So twenty-nine young ladies, of the best families in the City of London, I assure you, Mr. Titmarsh — there was the Lord Mayor's own daughters; Alderman Dobbins's gals; Sir Charles Hopper's three, wlio have the great house in Baker Street; and your humble sen'ant, who was rather slimmer in those days — twenty -nine of us had a dancing-master on purpose, and practised waltzing in a room over the Egyptian Hall at the Mansion House. He was a splendid man, that Count Schlop- penzollern ! " AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 31 " I am sure, ma'am," says I, " he had a splendid partner ! " and blushed up to my eyes when I said it. " Get away, you naughty creature ! " says Mrs. Roundhand, giving me a great slap : " you're all the same, you men in the West End — all deceivers. The Count was just like you. Heigho ! Before you marry, it's all honey and compliments ; wlien you win us, it's all coldness and inditiercucc. Look at Roundhand, tlie great baby, trying to beat down a butterfly with his yellow bandanna ! Can a man like that comprehend me 1 can he fill the void in my heart?" (She pronounced it without the h; but that there should be no mistake, laid her hand upon the place meant.) "Ah, no! Will yoii, be so neglectful when you marry, Mr. Titmarsh % " As she spoke, the bells were just tolling the people out of churcli, and I fell a-thinking of my dear dear Mary Smith in the country, walking home to her grandmother's, in her modest grey cloak, as the bells were chiming and the air full of the sweet smell of the hay, and the river shining in the sun, all crimson, purple, gold, and silver. There was my dear Mary a hundred and twenty miles off", in Somersetshire, walking home from church along with Mr. Snorter's family, with which slie came and went ; and I was listening to the talk of this great leering vulgar woman. I could not help feeling for a certain half of a sixpence that you have heard me speak of; and putting my hand mechanically upon my chest, I tore my fingers with the point of my new diamond-pin. Mr. Polonius had sent it home the night before, and I sported it for •the first time at Roundhand's to dinner. " It's a beautiful diamond," said Mrs. Roundhand. " I have been looking at it all dinner-time. How rich you must be to wear such splendid things ! and how can you remain in a vulgar office in the City — you who have such great acquaintances at the West End 1 '' The woman had somehow put me in such a passion that I bounced off the sofa, and made for the balcony without answering a word, — ay, and half broke my head against the sash, too, as I went out to the gents in the open air. " Gus," says I, " I feel very unwell : I wish you'd come home with me." And Gus did not desire anything better ; for he had ogled the last girl out of the last church, and the night was beginning to fall. " What ! already 1 " said Mrs. Roundhand ; " there is a lobster coming up, — a trifling refreshment ; not what he's accustomed to, but " I am sorry to say I nearly said, " D — the lobster ! " as Round- hand went and whispered to her that I was ill. " Ay," said Gus, looking very knowing. " Recollect, Mrs. R., that he was at the West End on Thursday, asked to dine, ma'am, 32 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH with the tiptop nobs. Chaps don't dine at the "West End for nothing, do they, R. 1 If you play at howls, you know " " You must look out for rubbers," said Roundhand, as quick as thought. "Js^ot in my house of a Sunday," said Mrs. R., looking very fierce and angrj'. " Not a card shall be touched here. Are we in a Protestant land, sir ? in a Cliristian country ? " "My dear, you don't imderstand. We were not talking of rubbers of whist." " There shall be no game at all in the house of a Sabbath eve," said Mrs. Roundhand ; and out she flounced from the room, without ever so much as wishing us good-night. " Do stay," said the husband, looking very much frij^htened, — "do stay. She won't come back while you're here; and I ilo wish you'd stay so." But we wouldn't : and when we reached Salisbury Square, I gave Gus a lecture about spending: his Sundays idly ; and read out one of Blair's sermons before we wont to Ix'd. As I turned over in bed, I could not help thinking about the luck the pin had brought me ; and it was not over yet, as you will see in the next chapter. CHAPTER V HOIF THE DIAMOND INTRODUCES HIM TO A STILL MORE FASHIONABLE PLACE TO tell the truth, though, about the pin, although I mentioned it almost the last thing in the previous chapter, I assure you it was by no means the last thing in my thoughts. It had come home from Mr. Polonius's, as I said, on Saturday night ; and Gus and I happened to be out enjoying ourselves, half-price, at Sadler's Wells ; and perhaps we took a little refreshment on our way back : but that has nothing to do with my story. On the table, however, was the little box from the jeweller's ; and when I took it out, — 7m/, how the diamond did twinkle and glitter by the light of our one candle ! " I'm sure it would light up the room of itself," sfiys Gus. "I've read they do in — in history." It was in the history of Cogia Hassan Alhabbal, in the " Arabian Nights," as I knew very well. But we put the candle out, never- theless, to try, "Well, I declare to goodness it does illuminate the old place !" says Gus ; but the foct was, that there was a gasdamp opposite our window, and I believe that Avas the reason why we could see pretty well. At least in my bedroom, to which I was obliged to go without a candle, and of which the window looked out on a dead wall, I could not see a wink, in si)ite of the Hoggarty diamond, and was obliged to grope about in the dark for a pincushion which Somebody gave me (I doir't mind owning it was Mary Smith), and in which I stuck it for the night. But, somehow, I did not sleep much for thinking of it, and woke very early in the morning; and, if the truth must be told, stuck it in my night-gown, like a fool, and admired myself very much in the glass. Gus admired it as nuich as I did; for since my return, and especially since my venison dinner and drive with Lady Drum, he thought I was the finest fellow in the world, and boasted about his " West End friend " everywhere. As we were going to dine at Roundhand's, and I had no black satin stock to set it off, I was obliged to place it in the frill of my 34 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH best shirt, which tore the muslin sadly, by the way. However, the diamond had its effect on my entertainers, as we have seen ; rather too much perhaps on one of them ; and next day I wore it down at the office, as Gus would make me do; though it did not look near so well in the second day's shirt as on the first day, when the linen was quite clear and bright with Somersetshire washing. The chaps at the West Diddlesex all admired it hugely, except that snarling Scotchman IM'Whii-ter, fourth clerk, — out of envy because I did not think much of a great yellow stone, named a carum-gorum, or some such thing, which he had in a snuft'-muU, as he called it, — all except M'Whirtcr, I s;iy, were delighted with it; and Abednego himself, who ought to know, as his father was in the line, told me the jewel was worth at le;\st ten poiuulsh, and that his governor would give me as nnicl) for it. " That's a i)roof," says Roundhand, " that Tit's diamond is worth at least thirty." And we all laughed, and agreed it was. Now I must confess that all t'r.ese praises, and the ros}>ect that was paid me, turned my head a little ; and as all the chaps said I must have a black satin stock to set tiie stone utf, I wius IVkiI t-nough to buy a stock that cost me five-and-twenty shillings, at Ludlani's in Piccadilly : for Gus said I nmst go to the liest place, to l»e sure, and have none of our cheap and common Eiust Eiul stutt'. I might have had one for sixteen and six in Cheapsitle, every whit a.s goand's table. Whereui)on my Lady Fanny, clafiping together her little hands, declared anroinised to do a.s often a.^ her Ladyship chose to repeat the otfence. I never had any more veni.'^on from the family : but Til tell you what I had. About a month after came a card of " Lord and Lady Tiptoff," and a great piece of plum-cake ; of which, I am sorry to say, Gus ate a great deal too much. CHAPTER VI OF THE WEST DIDDLESEX ASSOCIATION, AND OF THE EFFECT THE DIAMOND HAD THERE WELL, the magic of the pin was not ov^er yet. Very soon after Mrs. Brough's grand party, our director called nie up to Ids room at the West Diddlesex, and after examin- ing my accounts, and siieaking a -wlnle alx»it business, said, " That's a very fine diamond-pin. Master Titmai-sh " (he spoke in a grave patronising way), "and I called you on purpose to speak to you upon the subject. I do not object to seeing the young men of this establishment well and handsomely dressed ; but I know that their salaries cannot afford ornaments like those, and I grieve to see you with a thing of such value. You have i)aid for it, sir, — I trust you have paid for it ; for, of all things, my dear — dear young friend, beware of debt." I could not conceive why Brougli was reading me this lecture about debt and my having bought the diamond-pin, as I knew that he had been asking about it already, and how I came by it — • Abednego told me so. "Why, sir," says I, "Mr. Abednego told me that he had told you that I had told him " "Oh, ay — by-the-bye, now I recollect, Mr. Titmarsh — I do recollect — yes ; though I su])pose, sir, you will imagine that I have other more important things to remember." " Oh, sir, in course," says I. " That one of the clerks did say something about a pin — that one of the other gentlemen had it. And so your pin was given you, was it ? " " It was given me, sir, by my aunt, Mrs. Hoggarty of Castle Hoggarty," said I, raising my voice ; for I was a little i)roud of Castle Hoggarty. " She nuist be very rich to make such presents, Titmarsh 1 " " Why, thank you", sir," says I, " she is pretty well off. Foiu- hundred a year jointure ; a farm at Sloppertou, sir ; three houses at Squa.shtail ; and three thousand two hundred loose cash at the banker's, as I happen to know, sir, — that's all." I did hai»pen to know this, you sec ; because, while I wa^ down 40 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH in Somersetshire, Mr. MacManus, my aunt's agent in Ireland, wrote to say that a mortgage she had on Lord Brallaghan's property had just been paid off, and that the money was lodged at Coutts's. Ireland was in a very disturbed state in those days ; and my aunt wisely determined not to invest her money in that country an> more, but to look out for some good security in England. However, as she had always received six per cent, in Ireland, she would not hear of a smaller interest ; and had warned me, as I was a com- mercial man, on coming to town, to look out for some means by which she could invest her money at that rate at least. " And how do you come to know i\Irs. Hoggarty's property so accurately 1 " said Mr. Brough ; upon which I told him. "Good heavens, sir ! and do you mean that you, a clerk in the West Diddlesex Insurance Office, applied to by a respectable lady as to the manner in whicli she should invest property, never spoke to her about the Company which you have the honour to serve? Do you mean, sir, that you, knowing there was a bonus of five per cent, for yourself upon shares taken, did not press Mrs. Hoggarty to join us 1 " " Sir," says I, " I'm an honest man, and would not take a bonus from my own relation." " Honest I know you are, my boy — give me your hand ! So am I honest — so is every man in this Company honest ; but we must be prudent as Avell. We have five millions of capital on our books, as you see — five bond Jide millions of bond fide sovereigns paid up, sir — there is no dishonesty there. But why should we not have twenty millions — a liundred millions ? Why should not this be the greatest commercial Association in the world? — as it shall be, sir, — it shall, as sure as my name is Jolm Brough, if Heaven bless my honest endeavours to establish it ! But do you suppose that it can be so, unless every man among us use his utmost exertions to forward the success of the enterprise? Never, sir, — never; and, for me, I say so everywhere. I glory in what I do. There is not a house in which I enter, but I leave a prospectus of the West Diddlesex. There is not a single tradesman I employ, but has shares in it to some amount. My servants, sir, — my very servants and grooms, are bound u]) with it. And the first question I ask of any one who applies to me for a place is. Are you insured or a shareholder in the West Diddlesex 1 the second, Have you a good character? And if the first question is answered in the negative, I say to the party coming to me. Then he a shareholder before you ask for a place in my household. Did you not see me — me, John Brough, whose name is good for millions — step out of my coach-and- four into this office, with four pounds nineteen, which I paid in to AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 41 Mr. Roundhaiid as the price of half a share for the porter at my lodge-gate^ Did you remark that I deducted a- shilling from the five pound 1 " "Yes, sir; it was the day you drew out eight hundred and seventy-three ten and six — Thursday week," says I. " And why did I deduct that shilling, sir ? Because it was mij commission — John Brough's commission ; honestly earned by him, and openly taken. Was there any disguise about it ? No. Did I do it for the love of a shilling 1 No," says Brough, laying his hand on his heart, "I did it from ■princi2)le, — from that motive which guides every one of my actions, as I can look up to Heaven and say. I wish all ray young men to see my example, and follow it : I wish — I pray that they may. Think of that example, sir. That porter of mine has a sick wife and nine young children : he is himself a sick man, and his tenure of life is feeble ; he has earned money, sir, in my service — sixty pounds and more — it is all his children have to look to — all : but for that, in the event of his deatli, they would be houseless beggars in the street. And what have I done for that family, sir^ I have put tliat money out of the reach of Robert Gates, and placed it so that it shall be a blessing to his fanuly at his death. Every ferthiiig is invested in shares in this office ; and Robert Gates, my lodge-porter, is a holder of three shares in the West Diddlesex Association, and, in that capacity, your master and mine. Do you think I want to cheat Gates '\ " " Oh, sir ! " says I. " To cheat that poor helpless man, and those tender innocent children ! — you can't think so, sir ; I should be a disgrace to human nature if I did But what boots all my energy and perseverance ] What though I place my friends' money, my family's money, my own money — my hopes, wishes, desires, ambitions — all upon this enterprise"? You young men will }iot do so. You, whom I treat with love and confidence as my children, make no return to me. When I toil, you remain still ; when I struggle, you look on. Say the word at once, — you douht me ! heavens, that this should be the rewar • • • " Likewise we teg to hand you a few more prospectuses of the Independent West Diddlesex Fire and Life Insurance Company, of which we have the honour to be the solicitors in London. We wrote to you hist year, requesting you to accept- the Slopperton and Somerset agency for the same, and have been expecting for AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 47 some time back that either shares or assurances should be effected by you. " The cajiital of the Company, as you know, is five milUons sterling (say £5,000,000), and we are in a situation to offer more than tire usual commission to our agents of the legal profession. "We shall be hajiiiy to give a premium of C per cent, for shares to the amount of .£1000, 6^ per cent, above a thousand, to be paid imme the river, handsome shrubberies and conservatories, tine 8tal)les, outhouses, kitchen-gardens, and everything belonging to a first-rate rus in urbe, as the great auctioneer called it when he hammered it down some years after. I arrived on a Saturday at lialf-an-hour before dinner : a grave gentleman out of livery showed nie to my room , a man in a chocolate coat and gold lace, with Brough's crest on the buttons, brouirht me a silver shaving-jtot of hot water on a silver tray; and a grand a, " this young gentleman is one of my clerks, who was at our ball." "Oh, indeed ! " says Belinda, tossing uj) her head. '' But not a common clerk. Miss Belinda, — so, it you please, we will have none of your aristocratic aii-s with him. He is a nephew of the Countess of Drum ; and I hope he will soon be very high in our establishment, and in the City of London." At tlie name of Countess (I had a dozen times rectified tiie error about our relationship), Mi.ss Belinda made a low curtsey, and stared at me very hard, and .s;iid she would try and make the Rookery pleasant to any friend of jtapa's. " Wc have not much monde tiv day,"' continued ^liss Brough, "and arc o\\\y \\\ petit comite ; but I hope before you leave us you will see some socie'te that will make your se/our agreeable." I saw at once that she was a fashionable girl, from her using the French language in this way. AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 49 " Isn't she a fine girl 1 " said Brougli, whispering to me, and evi- dently as proud of her as a naan could be. " Isn't she a fine girl — eh, you dog 1 Do you see breeding like that in Somersetshire "? " " No, sir, upon my -word ! " answered I, rather slyly ; for I was thinking all the while how "Somebody" was a thousand times more beautiful, simple, and ladylike. " And Avhat has my dearest love been doing all day 1 " said her papa. " Oh, pa ! I have 2^incM the harp a little to Captain Fizgig's flute. Ditbi't I, Captain Fizgig?" Captain the Honourable Francis Fizgig said, "Yes, Brough, your fair daughter jnnc^'^i the harp, and touched the piano, and egrati(jned the guitar, and Scorched a song or two ; and we had the pleasure of a promenade a Veau, — of a walk upon the water." "Law, Captain !" cries Mrs. Brough, "walk on the water?" " Hush, mamma, you don't understand Frencli ! " says Miss Belinda, with a sneer. " It's a sad disadvantage, madam," says Fizgig gravely ; " and I rcconuuend you and Brough here, who are coming out in the great world, to have sinne lessons ; or at least get up a couple of dozen phrases, and introduce them into your conversation here and there. I sui)pose, sir, you s])eak it conunonly at the office, Mr. What-you- call-it ? " And Mr. Fizgig put his glass into his eye, and looked at me. " We speak English, sir," says I, " knowing it better than French," " Everybody has not had your opportunities. Miss Brough," continued the gentleman. " Everybody has not voyage like nous autres, hey 1 Mais que voulez-vous, my good sir ? you must stick to your cursed ledgers and things. What's the French for ledger, Miss Belinda?" " How can you ask ? Je rCen SQais rien, I'm sure." "You should learn. Miss Brough," said her father. "The daughter of a British merchant need not be ashamed of the means by which her father gets his bread. Fm not ashamed — I'm not proud. Those who know John Brough, know that ten years ago he was a poor clerk like my friend Titmarsh here, and is now worth half a million. Is there any man in the House better listened to than John Brough? Is there any duke in the land that can give a better dinner than John Brough; or a larger fortune to his daughter than John Brough? Why, sir, the humble person now speaking to you could buy out many a German duke ! But I'm not proud — no, no, not proud. There's my daughter — look at her — when I die she will be mistress of my fortune ; but 50 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH am I proud 1 No ! Let him who can win lier, marry her. that's what I say. Be it you, Mr. Fiz.i,ag, son of a peer of the reahn ; or you, Bill Tidd. Be it a duke or a shoeblack, what do I care, hey? — what do I care 1 " " 0-o-oh ! " si.i^hed the gent who went by the name of Bill Tidd : a very pale young man, with a black riband round his neck instead of a handkerchief, and his collars turned down like Lord Byron. He Avas leaning against the mantelpiece, and with a pair of great green eyes ogling Miss Brough with all his might. " Oh, John — my dear John I " cried Mrs. Brough, seizing her husband's hand and kissing it, "you are an angel, that you are "Isabella, don't flatter me; I'm a man, — a ]ilain downright citizen of London, without a particle of pride, excejit in you and my daughter here — my two Bells, as I call them ! Tliis is the way that we live, Titmarsli, my boy : ours is a liajtpy, humble. Christian home, and tliat's all. Isal)ella, leave go my hand 1 " " Mamma, you mustn't do so before comi)any ; it's oear his scorn very meekly. At twelve Captain Fizgig went off to his barracks at Kniglits- bridge, and Tidd and I to oiu- rooms. Next day bt-ing Sundixy, a great bell woke us at eight, and at nine we all assembled in the breakfast-room, where Mr. Brough read prayers, a chapter, and made an exhortation afterwards, to us and all the members of the house- hold ; except the French cook, Monsieur Xontongjtaw, whonz I could see, from my chair, walking atx:»ut in the shrubberies in his white nightcap, smoking a cigar. Every morning on week-days, punctually at eight, Mr. Brough went through the same ceremony, and had his family to prayers; but though this man was a hypocrite, as I found after«-ards, I'm not going to laugh at the fixmily prayers, or say he was a hyix>crite because he had them. There are many bad and good men who don't go through the ceremony at all ; but I am sure the good men would be the better for it, and am not called upon to settle the question with respect to the bad ones ; and therefore I have passed over a great deal of the religious part of Mr. Brough's behaviour : suffice it, that religion was always on his lips ; that he went to church thrice every Sunday, when he had not a party ; and if he did not talk AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 53 religion with us when we were alone, had a great deal to say upon the subject upon occasions, as I found one day when we had a Quaker and Dissenter party to dine, and when his talk was as grave as that of any minister present. Tidd was not there that day, — for nothing could make him forsake his Byron riband or refrain from wearing his collars turned down ; so Tidd was sent with tlie buggy to Astley's. " And hark ye, Titmarsh, my boy," said he, " leave your diamond-pin upstairs : our friends to-day don't like such gewgaws ; and though for my part I am no enemy to harmless ornaments, yet I would not shock the feelings of those who have sterner opinions. You will see that my wife and Miss Brough consult my wishes in this respect." And so they did, — for they both came down to dinner in black gowois and tippets ; whereas Miss B. had commonly her dress half off her shoulders. The Captain rode over several times to see us; and Miss Brough seemed always delighted to see him. One day I met him as I was walking out alone by the river, and we had a long talk together. "Mr. Titmarsh," says he, "from what little I have seen of you, you seem to be an honest straight-minded young fellow ; and I want some information that you can give. Tell me, in the first place, if you will — and upon my honour it shall go no forther — about this Insurance Company of yours ? You are in the City, and see how affairs are going on. Is your concern a stable one 1 " " Sir," said I, " frankly then, and upon my honour too, I believe it is. It has been set up only four years, it is true ; but Mr, Brough had a great name when it was established, and a vast connection: Every clerk in the office has, to be sure, in a manner, paid for his place, cither by taking shares himself, or by his rela- tions taking them. I got mine because my mother, who is very poor, devoted a small sum of money that came to us to the purchase of an annuity for herself and a provision for me. The matter was debated by the family and our attorneys, Messrs. Hodge and Smithers, who are very well known in our part of the country ; and it was agreed on all hands that mv mother could not do better with her money for all of us than invest it in this way. Brough alone is worth half a million of money, and his name is a host in itself. Nay, more : I wrote the other day to an aunt of mine, who has a considerable sum of money in loose cash, and who had consulted me as to tlie disposal of it, to invest it in our office. Can I give you any better proof of my opinion of its solvency 1 " " Did Brough persuade you in any way "? " " Yes, he certainly spoke to me : but he very honestly told me his motives, and tells them to us all as honestly. He says, 54 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH 'Gentlemen, it is my object to increase the connection of the oflace, as much as possible. I want to criish all the other offices in London. Our terms are lower than any office, and we can bear to laave them lower, and a great business Avill come to us that way. But we must work ourselves a.s well. Every single share- hofder and officer of the establishment must exert himself, and bring us customers, — no matter for how little they are en.gaged — engage them : that is the great point.' And accordingly our Director makes all his friends and servants shareholders : his very lodge-porter yonder is a sharelioldcr ; and he thus endeavours to fasten upon all whom he comes near. I, for instance, have just been appointed over the heads of our gents, to a much better place than I held. I am asked down here, and entertained royally : and Avliy 1 Because my aunt has three thousand i)ounds which Mr. Brough wants lier to invest with us." " That looks awkward, Mr. Titmarsh." " Not a whit, sir : he makes no disguise of the matter. When the question is settled one way or the other, I don't believe Mr. Brough will take any further notice of me. But he wants me now. This place happened to fall in just at the very moment when he had need of me ; and he hopes to gain over my family through me. He told me as much as we drove down. ' You are a man of the world, Titmarsh,' said he ; ' you know that I don't give you this place because you are an honest fellow, and write a good haml. If I had a lesser briV)e to ofter you at the moment, I should only liave given you that ; but I had no choice, and gave you what was in my power.' " " That's fair enough ; but what can make Brough so eager for such a small smn as three thousand pounds ? " "If it had been ten, sir, he would have been not a bit more eager. You don't know the City of London, and the passion which our great men in the share-market have for increa.^^ing their coiuiec- tion. Mr. Brough, sir, would canvass and wheedle a chimney-sweep in the way of business. Sec, here is poor Tidd and his twenty thousand pounds. Our Director has taken po.sse.ssion of him just in the same way. He wants all the capital he can lay his hands on." " Yes, and suppose he runs oti' with the caitital J " "Mr. Brough, of tlie firm of Brough and Hotf, sir? Suppose the Bank of England runs off ! But here we are at the lodge-gate. Let's ask Gates, another of Mr. Brough's victims." And we went in and spoke to old Gates. "Well, Mr. Gates," says I, beginning the 7natter cleverly, "you are one of my masters, you know, at the West L)iddlesex yonder ] " AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 55 "Yees, sure," says old Gates, gi-iniiiiig. He was a retired servant, with a large familj- come to him in his old age. " ]\lay I ask you what your wages are, Mr. Gates, that you can lay by so much money, and purchase shares in our Company 1 " Gates told us his wages ; and when Ave inquired whether they were paid regularly, swore that his master was the kindest gentle- man in the world : that he had put two of his daughters into sei-vice, two of his sons to charity schools, made one apprentice, and narrated a hundred other benefits that he had received from tlie family. Mrs. Brough clothed half the children ; master gave them blankets and coats in winter, and soup and meat all the year round. There never was such a generous family, sure, since the world began. "Well, sir," said I to the Captain, "does that satisfy you? Mr. Brough gives to these people fifty times as much as lie gains from them ; and yet he makes Mr. Gates take shares in our Company." " Mr. Titmarsh," says the Captain, " you are an honest fellow ; and I confess your argument sounds well. Now tell me, do you know anything about Miss Brough and her fortune 1 " " Brough will leave her everything — or says so." But I suppose the Cajjtain saw some jiarticular expression in my countenance, for he laughed and said — " I sup])ose, my dear fellow, you think she's dear at the price. Well, I don't know that you are far wrong." " Why, then, if I may make so bold. Captain Fizgig, are you always at lier heels 1 " " Mr. Titmarsh," says the Cai)tain, " I owe twenty thousand pounds ; " a:id he went back to the house directly, and proposed for her. I thought this rather cruel and unprincii:)led conduct on the gentleman's i)art ; for he had been introduced to the family by ]\Ir. Tidd, with whom he had been at school, and had sui)i)Ianted Tidd entirely in the great heiress's aftections. Brough stormed, and actually swore at his daughter (as the Captain told me afterwards) when he heard that the latter had accepted Mr. Fizgig ; and at last, seeing the Captain, made him give his word that the engage- ment should be kept secret for a few months. And Captain F. only made a confidant of me, and the mess, as he said : but this was after Tidd had paid his twenty thousand pounds over to our governor, which he did punctually when he came of age. The same day, too, he proposed for the young lady, and I need not say was rejected. Presently the Captain's engagement began to be whispered about : all his great relations, the Duke of Doncaster, the Earl of Cinqbars, the Earl of Crabs, &c., came and visited the Brough 56 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH family ; the Hon. Henry Riugwood became a shareholder in our Company, and the Earl of Crabs offered to be. Our shares rose to a premium ; our Dii^ctor, his lady, and daughter "were presented at Court ; and the great West Diddlesex Association bid fair to be the first Assurance Office in the kingdom. A very short time after my visit to Fulham, my dear aunt wrote to me to say that she had consulted with her attorneys, Messrs. Hodge and Smithers, who strongly recommended tliat she should invest the sum as I advised. She had the sum invested, too, in my name, paying me many comjiliments upon my honesty and talent ; of which, she said, Mr. Brough had given her the most flattering account. And at the same time my aunt informed me that at her death the shares should be my own. This gave me a great weight in the Company, as you may imagine. At our next annual meeting, I attended in my capacity as a shareholder, and had great pleasure in hearing Mr. Brough, in a magnificent sp)eech, declare a dividend of six per cent., that we all received over the counter. " You lucky young scoimdrel ! " said Brough to me ; " do you know what made me give you your place 1 " " Why, my aiuit's money, to be sure, sir," said I. " No sucli thing. I)o you fancy I cared for those paltry three thousand pounds 1 I was told you were nephew of Lady Dmm ; and Lady Drum is grandmother of Lady Jane Preston ; and ]\Ir. Preston is a man who can do us a world of good. I knew tliat tliey had sent you venison, and the deuce knows what ; and when I saw Lady Jane at my party shake you by the hand, and speak to you so kindly, I took all Abednego's tales for gospel. That was the reason you got the place, mark you, and not on account of your miserable three thousand pounds. Well, sir, a fortnight after you were with us at Fulham, I met Preston in the House, and made a merit of having given the place to his cousin. * Confound the insolent scoundrel !' said he; 'he my cousin ! I suppo.se you take all old Drum's stories for true ? Why, man, it's her mania : she never is introduced to a man but she finds out a cousinship, and would not fail of course with that cur of a Titmarsh ! ' ' Well,' said I, laughing, ' that cur has got a good place in consequence, and the matter can't be mended.' So you see," continued our Director, " that you were indebted for vour place, not to vour aunt's money, but " " But to MY aunt's diamond-pin ! " "Lucky rascal ! " said Brough, poking me in the side and going out of the way. And lucky, in faith. I thought I was. CHAPTER VIII RELATES THE HAPPIEST DAY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH'S LIFE I DON'T know how it was that in tlie course of the next six months Mr. Roundhand, the actuary, who had been such a profound a(hnirer of j\Ir. Brough and the West Diddlescx Association, suddenly quarrelled witli both, and taking his money out of the concern, he disposed of his ^5000 worth of shares to a pretty good profit, and went away, speaking everything tliat was evil both of the Com](any and the Director. Mr. Highmorc now became secretary and actuary, Mr. Abednego was first clerk, and your humble servant was second in the office at a salary of £250 a year. How unfounded were Mr. Roundliand's aspersions of the West Diddlesex appeared quite clearly at our meeting in January 1823, when our Chief Director, in one of the most brilliant speeches ever heard, declared tliat the half-yearly dividend was £i per cent., at tlie rate of £S per cent. ]>cr aniuun : and I sent to my aunt £120 sterling as the amount of tlie interest of the stock in my name. My excellent aunt, Mrs. Hoggarty, delighted beyond measure, sent me back £\0 for my o\Ma pocket, and asked me if she had not better sell Slojjperton and Squashtail, anil invest all her money in this admirable concern. On this i)oint I could not surely do better than ask the opinion of Mr. Brough. Mr. B. told me tliat shares could n(jt be had but at a premium ; but on my representing that I knew of £5000 worth in the market at par, he said—" Well, if so, he would like a fair price for his, and would not mind disjiosing of £5000 worth, as he had rather a glut of West Diddlesex shares, and his other concerns wanted feeding with ready money." At the end of our conversation, of .which I promised to report the purport to Mrs. Hoggarty, the Director was so kind as to say that he had determined on creating a place of private secretary to the Managing Director, ami that I should hold that office Avith an additional salary of £150. I had £250 a year. Miss Smith had £70 per annum to her fortune. What had I said should be my line of conduct whenever I could reaUse £300 a year 1 G S8 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH Gus of course, and all the gents in our office through him, knew of my engagement with ilary Smith. Her father had been a com- mander in the navy and a very distinguished ofl&cer ; and though Mary, as I have said, only brought me a fortune of £70 a year, and I, as everybody said, in my present position in the office and the City of London, might liave reasonably looked out for a laily with much more money, yet my friends agreed that the connection was very respectable, and I was content : as who would not have been ^vith such a darling as I\Iary ? I am sure, for my part, I would not have taken the Lord Mayor's own daughter in place of Mary, even with a phun to her fortune. Mr. Brough of course was made aware of my approaching marriage, as of everything else relating to every clerk in the office ; and I do believe Abednego told him wliat we had for dinner ever}' day. Indeed, his knowledge of our aftairs was wonderful. He asked me how I\Iary's money was invested. It was in the three per cent, consols — £2333, 6s. 8d. " RememlxM-," says he, " my larl, i\Irs. Sam Titmarsh tliat is to be may have seven per cent, for her money at tlie very lea.st, and on better security than the Bank of England ; for is not a Company of Avhich John Brough is the head better than any other company in England ? " and tn bo sure I thought he was not far wrong, and promised to sjicak to Mary's guanlians on tlie subject before our marriage. Lieutenant Smith, her grandfather, had been at the first very much averse to our union. (I must confess that, one day finding me alone with her, and kissing, I believe, the tips of her little fingers, he liad taken me by tiie collar and turned me out of doors.) But Sam Titmarsh, with a salary of £250 a year, a promised fortune of £150 more, iind the right-hand man of Mr. John Brough of London, was a very tlirteront man from Sam the poor clerk, and the poor clergyman's widow's son ; and the old gentleman wrote me a kind letter enough, and begged me to get him six paire of lamb's- wool stockings and four ditto waistcoats from Romanis', and accepted thorn too as a present from mo when I went do^vu in June — in happy June of 1823 — to fetch my dear Mary away. Mr. Brough was likewise kindly anxious about my aunt's Slopporton and Squashtail ])roperty, which she had not as yet sold, as she talked of doing ; and, as Mr. B. represented, it -was a sin and a shame that any person in whom he took such interest, as lie did in all the relatives of his dear young friend, should oidy have three per cent, for her money, when she could have eight elsewhere. He always called me Sam now, praised me to the other yoimg men (who brought the praises rcgidarly to me), said there was a cover always laid for n>e at Fulham, and repeatedly took me AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 59 thither. Tlicre was but little corapauy when I went; and M'AVhirter used to say he only asked me on days when he had his vulgar acquaintances. But I did not care for tlie great i)eo])le, not being born in their sphere ; and indeed did not much care for going to the house at all. Miss Belinda was not at all to my liking. After her engagement with Cajitain Fizgig, and after Mr. Tidd had paid his ^20,000, and Fizgig's great relations had joined in some of our Director's companies, Mr. Brough declared he believed that Captain Fizgig's views were mercenary, and put him to the proof at once, by saying that he must take Miss Brough without a fartliing, or not have her at all. AVhereupon Captain Fizgig got an ai)})ointment in the colonies, and Miss Brough became more ill-humoured than ever. But I could not help thinking she was rid of a bad bargain, and pitying poor Tidd, who came Imck to the charge again more love-sick tlian ever, and was rebufi'ed pitilessly by Miss Belinda. Her father plainly told Tidd, too, that liis visits Avere disagTeeable to Belinda, and though he must always love and value him, he begged him to discontinue his calls at the Rookery. Poor fellow ! he had paid his X20,000 away for nothing! for what was six per cent, to him compared to six per cent, and tlu^ hand of Miss Belinda Brough? Well, I\Ir. Brough ]iiticd the poor love-sick swain, as he called me, so nuu'h, and felt such a warm sympatliy in my well-being, that he insisted on my going down to Somersetshire with a couple of months' leave ; and away I went, as happy as a lark, with a couple of brand-new suits from Von Stiltz's in my trunk (I had them made, looking i'orward to a certain event), and "inside the trvmk Lieutenant Smith's fleecy hosiery ; wrapping up a. ])arcel of our jirospectuses and two letters from John Brough, Esq., to my mother our Avorthy annuitant, and to Mrs. Hoggarty our excellent shareholder. Mr. Brough said I was all that the fondest father could wish, that he considered me as his own boy, and that he earnestly begged Mrs. Hoggarty not to delay the sale of her little landed property, as land was high now and must fall ; wliereas the West Diddlesex Associa- tion shares were (comparatively) low, and must inevitably, in tlie course of a year or two, double, trelile, quadrui)le their jiresent value. In this way I was prepared, and in this way I took leave of my dear Gus. As we parted in the yard of the " Bolt-in-Tun," Fleet Street, I felt that I never should go back to Salisbury Square again, and had made my little present to the landlady's family accordingly. She said I was the respectablest gentleman she had ever had in her house : nor was that saying much, for Bell Lane is in tlie Rules of the Fleet, and her lodgers used commonly to be prisoners on Rule from that place. As for Gus, the poor fellow cried and blubbered 6o THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH so that he could not eat a morsel of the muffins and grilled ham with which I treated him for breakfast in the " Bolt-iu-Tun " coffee-house; and when I went away was waging liis hat and his handkerchief so in the archway of the coach-office that I do believe the wlieels of the " True Blue '"' went over liis toes, for I lie^ird him roaring as we passed through the arch. Ah ! how different were my feelings as I sat proudly there on the box by the side of Jim Ward, the coach- man, to tliose I had the last time I mounted that coach, parting from my dear Mary and coming to London with my diamond-fix ! "When arrived near home (at Grumpley, three miles from our village, where the " True Blue " generally stops to take a glass of ale at the Poppleton Arms) it was as if our Member, jMr. Poppletou himself, was come into the country, so great was the concourse of people assembled round the inn. And there v>-as the landlord of the imi and all the peo])le of the village. Then there was Tom Wheeler, the post-boy, from Mrs. Rincer's posting-hotel in our town ; he was riding on the old bay posters, and they, Heaven bless us ! were drawing my aunt's yellow chariot, in which she never Avent out but thrice in a year, and in which she now sat in her splendid cashmere shawl and a new hat and feather. She waved a white handkerchief out of the "window, and Tom Wheeler shouted out " Huzza ! " as did a number of tlie little blackguard boys of Grumpley : who, to be sure, would liuzza for anytliing. Wluit a change on Tom Wheeler's part, however ! I remembered only a few years before how he had wliii)i)cd me from the box of the chaise, as I was hanging on for a ride behind. Next to my aunt's carriage came the four-wheeled chaise of Lieutenant Smith, R.N., who Avas driving his old fat pony with his lady by his side. I looked in the back scat of the chaise, and felt a little sad at seeing that Somehodn was not there. But, silly fellow ! there was Somebody in the yellow chariot with my aunt, blushing like a peony, I declare, and looking so happy ! — oh, so ha]ipy and pretty ! She had a white dress, and a light blue and yellow scarf, which my aunt said were the Hoggarty colours ; though what the Hoggartys had to do wuth light blue and yellow, I don't know to this day. Well, tlic " True Blue " guard made a great bellowing on his horn as his four horses dashed away ; the boys shouted again ; I was i)laced bodkin between IMrs. Hoggarty and ]\Iary ; Tom Wheeler cut into his bays ; the Lieutenant (who had sliakcn me cordially by the liand, and wliose big dog did not make the slightest attempt at biting me this time) beat his pony till its fat sides lathered again ; and thus in this, I may say, unexampled procession, I arrived in triumph at our village. AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 6i My dear mother and the girls, — Heaven bless them ! — nine of them in their nankeen spencers (I had something pretty in my trunk for each of them) — could not afibrd a carriage, but had posted them- selves on the road near the village ; and there was such a ^^'aving of hands and handkerchiefs : and though my aunt did not much notice them, except by a majestic toss of the head, which is pardonable in a woman of her property, yet Mary Smith did even more than I, and waved her hands as much as the whole nine. Ah ! how my dear mother cried and blessed me when we met, and called me her soul's comfort and her darling boy, and looked at me as if I were a paragon of virtue and genius : whereas I was only a very lucky young fellow, that by the aid of kind friends had stepped rapidly into a very pretty projierty. I was not to stay with my mother, — that lir.d lieen aiTanged beforehand ; for though she and Mrs. Hoggarty were not remarkably good friends, yet mother said it was for my benefit that I should stay Avith my aunt, and so gave up the pleasure of having mc with her : and though hers was much the humbler house of the tAvo, I need not saj^ I preferred it for to Mrs. Hoggarty's more splendid oiK) ; let alone the horrible Rosolio, of which I was obliged now to drink gallons. It was to Mrs. H.'s then we Avere driven : she had prepared a great dinner that evening, and hired an extra Vvaiter, and on getting out of the carriage, she gave a sixpence to Tom Wheeler, saying that was for himself, and that she would settle with Mrs. Rincer for the horses afterwards. At which Tom flung the sixpence \\i>oi\ the ground, swore most violently, and was very justly called by my aunt an "impertinent fellovr." She had taken such a liking to mc that she would hardly bear me out of her sight, "We used to sit for morning after morning over her accounts, debating for hours together the i^ropriety of selling the Slopperton property ; l:)ut no arrangement was come to yet about it, for Hodge and Smithcrs could not get the price she wanted. And, moreover, she vowed that at her decease she would leave every shilling to me. Hodge and Smithers, too, gave a grand party, and treated mc with marked consideration ; as did every single person of the village. Those who could not aflbrd to give dinners gave teas, and all drank the health of the young couple ; and many a time after dinner or supper was my Mary made to blush by the allusions to the change in her condition. The happy day for that ceremony was now fixed, and the 24th July 1823 saw me the happiest husband cf the prettiest girl in Somersetshire. We were married from^ my mother's house, who 7 62 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH would insist upon that at any rate, and the nine girls acted as bridesmaids ; ay ! and Gus Hoskins came from town express to be my groomsman, and had my old room at my mother's, and stayed with her for a week, and cast a sheep's-eye upon Miss Winny Tit- marsh too, my dear fourth sister, as I afterwards learned. My aimt was very kind upon the marriage ceremony, indeed. She had desired me some weeks previous to order three magnificent dresses for Mary from the celebrated Madame MantaUni of London, and some elegant trinkets and embroidered pocket-handkerchiefs from Howell and James's. These were sent down to me, and were to be mrj present to the bride ; but Mrs. Hoggarty gave me to understand that I need never trouble myself about the payment of the bill, and I thought her conduct very generous. Also she lent us her chariot for the wedding journey, and made with her own hands a beautiful crimson satin reticule for Mrs. Samuel Titmarsh, her dear niece. It contained a huswife completely furnished with needles, &c., for she hoped ]Mrs. Titmarsh woidd never neglect her needle; and a purse containing some silver pennies, and a very curious pocket-piece. " As long as you keep these, my dear," said Mrs. Hoggarty, "you will never want; and fervently — fervently do I pray that you will keep them." In the carriage-pocket we found a paper of biscuits and a bottle of Rosolio. We laughed at this, and made it over to Tom "Wheeler — who, however, did not seem to like it much better than we. I need not say I was married in Mr. Von Stiltz's coat (the third and fourth coats. Heaven help us ! in a year), and that I wore sparkling in my bosom the Great Hoggarty Diamond. CHAPTER IX BRINGS BACK SAM, HIS WIFE, AUNT, AND DIAMOND, TO LONDON WE pleased ourselves during the huueymoon with forming l)lans for our life in Loudon, and a pretty paradise did we build for ourselves ! Well, we were but forty years old between us ; and, for my jtart, I never found any harm come of castle-building, but a great deal of pleasure. Before I left London I had, to say the truth, looked round me for a proper place, befitting persons of our small income ; and Giis Hoskins and I, who hunted after office-hours in couples, had fixed on a very snug little cottage in Camden Town, where there was a garden that certain small j^eojjle might play in when they came : a horse and gig-house, if ever we kept one, — and why not, in a fev/ years'? — and a fine healthy air, at a reasonable distance from 'Change ; all for <£30 a year. I had descri})ed this little spot to Mary as enthusiastically as Sancho describes Lizias to Don Quixote ; and my dear wife was delighted with the prospect of housekeeping there, vowed she would cook all the best dishes herself (especially jam-imdding, of which I confess I am very fond), and promised Gus that he should dine with us at Clematis Bower every Sunday : only he must not smoke those horrid cigars. As for Gus, he vowed he would have a room in the neighbourhood too, for he could not bear to go back to Bell Lane, where we two had been so hajjpy together ; and so good-natured ]\Iary said she would ask my sister Winny to come and keei? her company. At which Hoskins blushed, and said, " Pooh ! nonsense now." But all our hopes of a happy snug Clematis Lodge were dashed to the ground on our return from our little honeymoon excursion ; when Mrs, Hoggarty informed us that she was sick of the country, and was determined to go to London with her dear nephew and niece, and keej) house for them, and introduce them to her friends in the metropolis. What could we do 1 We wished lier at — Bath : certainly not in London. But there was no help for it ; and we were obliged to bring her : for, as my mother said, if we ofi'ended her, her fortune 54 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH would go out of our family ; and were we two yoimg people not likely to want it ? So we came to town rather dismally in the carnage, posting the Avhole way ; for the carriage must be brought, and a person of my aunt's rank in life could not travel by the stage. And I had to pay <£14 for the posters, which pretty nearly exhausted all my little hoard of cash. First we went into lodgings, — into three sets in three weeks. We quarrelled with the first landlady, because my aunt vowed that she cut a slice off the leg of mutton which was served for our dinner ; from the second lodgings we went because aunt vowed the maid would steal the candles ; from the third we went because Aiuit Hoggarty came down to breakfast the morning after our arrival with her face shockingly swelled and bitten by — never mind what. To cut a long talc short, I was half mad Avith the continual choppings and changings, and tlie long stories and scoklings of my aunt. As for her great acquaintances, none of them were in London ; and she made it a matter of quaiTcl Avith nic that I had not intro- duced her to John Brough, Esquire, M.P., and to Lord and Lady Tiptoff, her relatives. Mr. Brough was at Brighton when we arrived in town ; and on his return I did not care at first to tell our Director that I had brought my aunt with me, or mention my embarrassments for money. He looked rather serious when perforce I spoke of the latter to him and asked for an advance ; but when he heard that my lack of money had been occasioned by the bringing of my aunt to Loudon, his tone instantly changed. " That, my dear boy, alters the question ; ]\Irs. Hogg-.irty is of an age when all things must be yielded to her. Here are a hundred pounds ; and I beg you to draw upon me Avhcnever you are in the least in want of money." This gave me breathing-time until she should pay her share of the household expenses. Ami the very next day Mr. and ^Irs. John Brough, in their splendid carriage-and-four, called upon I\Irs. Hoggarty and my wife at our lodgings in Lamb's Conduit Street. It was on the very day when my poor aunt appeared with her face in that sad condition ; and she did not fail to inform IMrs. Brough of the cause, and to state that at Castle Hoggarty, or at her country ])lace in Somersetshire, she had never heard or thought of such vile odious things. " Gracious heavens ! " shouted John Brough, Esquire, " a lady of your rank to suffer in this way I — the excellent relative of my dear boy, Titmarsh ! Never, madam — never let it be said that Mrs. Hoggarty of Castle Hoggarty should be subject to such horrible humiliation, while John Brough has a home to offer her, AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 65 — a humble, happy, Christian home, madam; though unhkc, pcrliaps, the splendour to which you have been accustomed in tlic course of your distinguished career. Isabella my love ! — Belinda ! speak to Mrs. Hoggarty. Tell her tliat John Brough's house is hers from garret to cellar. I repeat it, madam, from garret to cellar. I desire — I insist — I order, that Mrs. Hoggarty of Castle Hoggarty's trunks should be placed this instant in my carriage ! Have the goodness to look to them yourself, Mrs. Titraarsh, and see that your dear aunt's comforts are better provided for than tliey have been." Mary went away rather wondering at this order. But, to be sure, Mr. Brough was a gi-eat man, and her SamueFs beneflictor ; and though the silly child absolutely began to cry as she packed and toiled at aunt's enormous valises, yet she performed the work, and came down with a smiling face to my aunt, who was entertaining Mr., and Mrs. Brough with a long and particular account of the balls at the Castle, in Dublin, in Lord Charleville's time. "I have packed the trunks, aunt, but I am not strong enough to bring them down," saitl Mary. "Certainly not, certainly not," said John Brough, perhaps a little ashamed. " Hallo ! George, Frederic, Augustus, come up- stairs this instant, and bring doAvn the trunks of Mrs. Hoggarty of Castle Hoggarty, which this young lady will show you." • Nay, so great was Mr. Brough's condescension, that wlien some of his fashionable servants refused to meddle with the trunks, ho himself seized a pair of them with both hands, carried them to the carriage, and shouted loud enough for all Lamb's Conduit Street to hear, " John Brough is not proud — no, no ; and if his footmen are too higli and mighty, he'll show them a lesson of humility." Mrs. Brough was for running downstairs too, and taking the trunks from her husband ; but they were too heavy for her, so she contented herself witli sitting on one, and asking all persons who passed her, whether John Brough was not an angel of a man ? In this way it was that ray aunt left us, I was not aware of her departure, for I was at the office at the time ; and strolling back at five with Gus, saw my dear Mary smiling and bobbing from tlie window, and beckoning to us botli to come up. This I thought was very strange, because Mrs. Hoggarty could not abide Hoskins, and indeed had told me repeatedly that either she or he must quit the house. Well, we went upstairs, and there was Mary, wlio had dried her tears and received us with the most smiling of faces, and laughed and clapped her hands, and danced, and shook Gus's hand. And what do you think the little rogue proposed 1 I am blest if she did not say slie would like to go to Vauxliall ! As dinner was laid for three persons only, Gus took his scat 66 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH with fear and trembling ; and then Mrs. Sam Titmarsh related the circumstances which had occurred, and how Mrs. Hoggarty had been whisked away to Fulham in Mr. Brough's splendid carriage- and-four. " Let her go," I am sorry to say, said I ; and indeed we relished our veal-cutlets and jam-pudding a great deal more, than Mrs. Hoggarty did her dinner off plate at the Rookery. We had a very merry party to Vauxhall, Gus insisting on standing treat ; and you may be certain that my aunt, whose absence was prolonged for three weeks, was heartily welcome to remain away, for we were much merrier and more comfortable with- out her. My little Mary used to make my breakfast before I went to office of mornings ; and on Sundays we had a holiday, and saw the dear little children eat their boiled beef and potatoes at the Foundling, and heard the beautiful music : but, beautiful as it is, 1 think the children were a more beautiful sight still, and the look of their innocent hai)])y faces was better than the best sermon. On week-days Mrs. Titmarsh would take a walk about five o'clock in the evening on the left-hand side of Lamb's Conduit Street (as you go to Holborn) — ay, and sometimes pursue her walk as far as Snow Hill, Avhen two young gents from the I. W. D. Fire and Life Avere pretty sure to meet her ; and then how hai)pily we all trudged off to diinier ! Once we came up as a monster of a man, with high heels and a gold-headed cane, and whiskers all over his face, was grinning under Mary's bonnet, and chattering to her, close to Day and I\Iartin's Blacking INLanufoctory (not near such a handsome thing then as it is now) — there was the man cliattering and ogling his best, when who should come up but Gus and 1 1 And in the twinkling of a pegpost, as Lord Duberley says, my gentleman was seized by the collar of his coat and found himself sjtrawling under a stand of hackney-coaches ; where all the watermen were grinning at him. The best of it was, he left his head of hair and tchiskers in my hand : but IMary said, " Don't be hard upon him, Samuel ; it's only a Frenchman." And so we gave him his Ang back, which one of the griiming stable-boys put on and carried to him as he lay in the straw. He slirieked out something about "arretez," an«l "Francais," and " champ-d'honneur ; " but we walked on, Gus putting his thumb to his nose and stretching out his finger at Master Frenchman. This made everybody laugh ; and so the adventure ended. About ten days after my aunt's departure came a letter from her, of which I give a copy : — " My dear Nephew, — It was my earnest whish e'er this to have returned to London, where I am sure you and my niece Tit- AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 67 marsh miss me very much, and wliere she, poor thing, quite inexi^erieneed in the ways of ' the great metro})uhis,' in aconamy, and indeed in every quahity requasit in a good wile and the mistress of a famaly, can hardly manidge, I am sure, without me. " Tell her on no account to pay more than 6^d. for the prime pieces, 4|d. for soup meat ; and that the very best of London butter is to be had for 8kl. ; of course, fir pudns and the kitchin you'll employ a commoner sort. My trunks were sadly packed by Mrs. Titmarsh, and the hasp of the portmantyou-lock has gone througli my yellow satn. I have darned it, and wear it already twice, at two ellygant (though quiat) evening-parties given by my hosjmtahle host ; and my pegreen velvet on Saturday at a gi-and dinner, when Lord Scaramouch handed me to table. Everything was in the most su7nptious style. Soup top and bottom (white and brown), removed by turbit and sammon with immense holes of lobster-sauce. Lobsters alone cost L5s. Turbit, three guineas. The hole sammon weigh- ing, I'm sure, 15 lbs., and never seen at table again ; not a bitt of pickled sammon the hole weak afterwards. This kind of extravi- gance would just suit Mrs. Sam Titmarsh, Avho, as I always say, burns the candle at loth ends. Well, young people, it is lucky for you you have an old aunt who knows better, and has a long purse ; without witch, I dare say, some folks would be glad to see her out of doors. I don't mean you, Samuel, who have, I must say, been a dutiful nephew to me. Well, I dare say I shan't live long, and some folks won't be sorry to have me in my grave. " Indeed, on Sunday I was taken in my stomick very ill, and thought it might have been the lobster-sauce ; but Doctor Blogg, who was called in, said it was, he very nuich feared, cumsunrjdive ; but gave me some pills and a draft w'^ made me better^ Please call upon him — he lives at Pimlico, and you can walk out thero after office hours — and present him with £1 Is., with my compliments. I have no money here but a £10 note, the rest being locked up in my box at Lamb's Cundit Street. "Although the flesh is not neglected in Mr. B.'s sumptious establishment, I can assure you the sperrit is likewise cared for. Mr. B. reads and igspounds every morning ; and but his exorcises refresh tlic hungry sole before breakfast ! Everytliing is in the handsomest style, — silver and goold plate at breakfast, lunch, and dinner; and his crest and motty, a beeliive, with the Latn word Industria, meaning industry, on everythimj—oYen on the chany juggs and things in my beddroom. On Sunday we were favoured by a special outpouring from the Rev. Grimes Wapshot, of the Amabaptist CongTigation here, and who egshorted for 3 heurs in the afternoon in Mr. B.'s private chapel. As the widow of a 68 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH Hoggarty, I have always been a staunch supporter of the estabhshed Church of England and Ireland ; but I must say Mr. Wapshot's stirring way was far superior to that of the Rev. Bland Blenkinsop of the Establishment, who lifted up his voice after dinner for a short discourse of two hours. " Mrs. Brougli is, between ourselves, a poor creature, and has no sperrit of her own. As for Miss B., she is so saucy that once I promised to box her years ; and would have left the house, had not Mr. B. taken my part, and Miss made me a suitable apollogy. " I don't know when I shall return to town, being made really so welcome here. Dr. Blogg says the air of Fulham is the best in the world for my simtums ; and as the ladies of the house do not choose to walk out with me, the Rev. Grimes Wapshot has often been kind enough to lend me his arm, and 'tis sweet with such a guide to wander both to Putney and "Wandsworth, and igsamin the wonderful works of nature. I liave spoke to him about the Slopperton property, and he is not of Mr. B.'s opinion that I should sell it ; but on this point I shall follow my own counsel. " Meantime you must gett into more comfortable lodgings, and lett my bedd be warmed every night, and of rainy days have a fire in the grate : and let Mrs. Titniarsh look up my blue silk dress, and turn it against I come ; and there is my pm-iile spencer she Ciin have for herself; and I hope she does not Avear tliose three splendid gOAvns you gave her, but lccc]i them until letter times. I shall soon introduse her to my friend Mr. Brough, and others of my acquaint- anccs ; and am always, Your loving Aunt. " I have orde'red a chest of the Rosolio to be sent from Somer- setshire. AVhen it comes, jdease to send half down here (paying the carriage, of course). Twill be an acceptable present to my kind entertainer, Mr. B." This letter was brought to me by Mr. Brough Iiimself at the office, who apologised to me for having broken the seal by inadvert- ence ; for the letter had been mingled with some more of his own, and he opened it without looking at the superscriiition. Of course he had not read it, and I was glad of that ; for I should not have liked him to see my aunt's opinion of his daughter and lady. The next day, a gentleman at " Tom's Coffee-house," Cornhill, sent me word at the office that he wanted particularly to si)cak to me : and I stepped thither, and found my old friend Smithers, of the house of Hodge and Smithers, just off the coach, with his carpet-bag between his legs. " Sam, my boy," said he, " you are yoiu- aunt's heir, and I have AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 69 a piece of news for you regarding licr property which you ought to know. She MTote us down a letter for a chest of that home-made wine of hers Avhich she calls Rosolio, and which lies in our ware- house along with her furniture." "Well," says I, smiling, "she may part with as much Rosolio as she likes for me. I cede all my right." " Pslia ! " says Smithers, " it's not that ; though her furniture puts us to a deuced inconvenience, to be sure — it's not that : but, in the postscript of her letter, she orders us to advertise the Slopperton and Sijuashtail estates for immediate sale, as she purposes placing her capital elsewliere." I knew that the Slopperton and Squashtail property had been the source of a very pretty income to Messrs. Hodge and Smithers, for aunt was always at law with her tenants, and paid dearly for her litigious spirit; so that Mr. Smithers's concern regarding the sale of it did not seem to me to be quite disinterested. " And did you come to London, Mr. Smithers, expressly to acquaint me with this fact 1 It seems to me you liad much better have obeyed my aunt's instructions at once, or go to her at Ful-ham, and consult with her on this subject." " 'Sdeath, IMr. Titmarsh ! don't you see that if she makes a sale of her property, she will hand over tlie money to Brough ; and if Brough gets the money, he " " Will give her seven per cent, for it instead of three, — there's no harm in that." " But there's such a thing as security, look you. He is a warm man, certainly — very warm — quite respectable — most undoubtedly respectable. But who knows ? A jjanic may take place ; and then these five hundred companies in which he is engaged may bring him to ruin. There's the Ginger Beer Company, of which Brough is a director : awkward reports are abroad concerning it. The Consoli- dated Bafiin's Bay Muff and Tippet Company — the shares are down very low, and Brough is a director there. The Patent Pum]i Com- pany — shares at 65, and a fresh call, which nobody Avill pay." " Nonsense, Mr. Smithers ! Has not Mr. Brough five hundred thousand pounds' worth of shares in the Independent West DiDDLESEX, and is that at a discount '? Who recommended my aunt to invest her money in that speculation, I should like to know V I had hira there. " Well, well, it is a very good speculation, certainly, and lias brought you three hundred a year, Sam, my boy ; and you may thank us for the interest we took in you (indeed, we loved you as a son, and Miss Hodge has not recovered a certain mamage yet). You don't intend to rebuke us for making your fortune, do you 1 " 70 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH " No, hang it, no ! " says I, and shook hands with him, and accepted a glass of sherry and biscuits, which he ordered forthwitli. Smithers returned, however, to the charge. " Sam," he said, " mark my words, and tahe your aunt aivay from the Rookery. She wrote to Mrs. S. a long account of a reverend gent with whom she walks out there, — the Reverend Grimes Wapshot. That man has an eye upon her. He was tried at Lancaster in the year '14 for forgery, and narrowly escaped with his neck. Have a care of him — he has an eye to her money." "Nay," said I, taking out Mrs. Hoggarty's letter: "read for yourself." Ho read it over very carefully, seemed to be amused by it ; and as he returned it to me, "Well, Sam," he said, "I have only two favours to ask of you : one is, not to mention that I am in town to any living soul ; and the other is, to give me a dinner in Lamb's Conduit Street with your pretty wife." " I promise you both gladly," I said, laughing. " But if you dine with us, your arrival in town must be known, for my friend Gus Hoskins dines Avith us likewise ; and has done so nearly every day since my aunt went." He laughed too, and said, " We must swear Gus to secrecy over a bottle." And so we parted till dinner-time. The indefatigable lawyer pursued his attack after dinner, and was supported by Gus and by my wife too ; who certainly was disinterested in the matter — more than disinterested, for she would have given a gi-eat deal to be spared my aunt's company. But she said she saw the force of Mr. Smithers's arguments, and I admitted their justice with a sigh. However, I rode my high horse, and vowed that my aunt should do what she liked with her money ; and that I was not the man who would influence her in any way in the disposal of it. After tea the two gents walked away together, and Gus told me that Smithers had asked him a thousand questions about the office, about Brough, about nie and my wife, and everything con- cerning us. "You are a lucky fellow, Mr. Hoskins, and seem to be the friend of this charming young couple," said Smithers ; and Gus confessed he was, and said he had dined with us fifteen times in six weeks, and that a better and more hospitable fellow than I did not exist. This I state not to trumpet my own praises, — no, no ; but because these questions of Smithers's had a good deal to do with the sidDsequent events narrated in this little history. Being seated at dinner the next day off the cold leg of mutton that Smithers had admired so the day before, and Gus as usual having his legs under our mahogany, a hackney-coach drove up to AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 71 the door, which we did not much heed ; a step was heard on the floor, which we hoped might be for the two-pair lodger, when who should burst into the room but Mrs. Hoggarty herself 1 Gus, who was blowing the froth off" a pot of porter })n')iaratory to a delicious drink of the beverage, and had been making us die of laughing with his stories and jokes, laid down the pewter pot as Mrs. H. came in, and looked Cjuite sick ami ]iale. Indeed we all felt a little uneasy. My aunt looked haughtily in Mary's face, then fiercely at Gus, and saying, " It is too true — my poor boy — already ! " flung her- self hysterically into my arms, and swore, almost choking, that she would never never leave me. I could not understand the meaning of this extraordinary agita- tion on Mrs. Hoggarty's part, nor coukl any of us. She refused Mary's hand when the poor thing rather nervously offeretl it ; and when Gus timidly said, " I think, Sam, I'm rather in the way here, and perhaps — had better go," Mrs. H. looked him full in the face, jDointed to the door majestically with her forefinger, and said, " I think, sir, you had better go." " I hope Mr. Hoskins will stay as long as he pleases," said my wife, with spirit. " Of course you hope so, madam," answered Mrs. Hoggarty, very sarcastic. But Mary's speech and my aunt's were (juite lost upon Gus ; for he had instantly run to his hat, and I heard him tumbling downstairs. The quarrel ended, as usual, hj Mary's bursting into a fit of tears, and by my aunt's re]ieating the assertion that it was not too late, she trusted ; and from that day forth she would never never leave me. "What could have made aunt return and be so angry?" said I to Mary that night, as we were in our own room ; but my wife ])ro- tested she did not know : and it was only some time after that I found out the reason of this quarrel, and of Mrs. H.'s sudden reappearance. The horrible fat coarse little Smithers told me the matter as a very good joke, only the other year, when he showed me the letter of Hickson, Dixon, Paxton and Jackson, which has before been quoted in my Memoirs. "Sam, my boy," said he, "you were determined to leave Mrs. Hoggarty in Brough's clutches at the Rookery, and I was deter- mined to have her away. I resolved to kill two of your mortal enemies with one stone as it were. It was quite clear to me that the Reverend Grimes Wapshot had an eye to your aunt's fortune ; and that Mr. Brough had similar predatory intentions regarding her. Predatory is a mild word, Sam : if I had said robbery at once, I should express my meaning clearer. 72 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH "Well, I took the Fulham stage, und arriving, made straight for the lodgings of the reverend gentleman. ' Sir,' said I. on finding that worthy gent, — he was drinking warm brandy-and- water, Sam, at two o'clock in the day, or at least the room i*nielt very strongly of that beverage — ' Sir,' say.s I, ' you were tried for forgery in the year '14, at Lancaster as-sizcs.' " * And acquitted, sir. My innocence was by Providence made clear,' said Wajt.shot. " 'But you were not acquitted of emWzzlement in 'IG, sir,' ."^ays I, 'and passed two years in York Gaol in consequence.' I knew the fellow's hist<>r>', for I had a writ out ag-aiiist him when lie w:u? a preacher at Clifton. I foUowrd uj) my bluw. 'Mr. Wapshot,' said I, 'you are making love to an excellent lady nugh, who was with me this verj' morning, stunning, and scoldinir. and sweariuL;. ()\\, sir, it wouM have frightoneil you to hear a Christian babe like him swear as he did.' " ' Mr. Brough been here ? ' says I, nither astoni.shcpo.se you are btth here on the sjune sirnt,' says Wapshot. 'You want to marry the widow witli the Slop|M^rton aufl Squa.>ain to look at; it was imi)ossible not to see that his hours were numbered. Now Mr. B. has not anything to do with my humble story; but I can't help mentioning him, as I saw him. He sent for his lawyer and his doctor ; the former settled speedily his accounts with the bailiti', and the latter arranged all his earthly accounts : for after he went from the sjiunging-house he never recovered froUi the shock of the arrest, an(h in a few weeks he died. And tlmugh this circumstance took place many years ago, I can't forget it to my dying day ; and often see the author of Mr. B.'s death, — a prosperous gentleman, riding a fine hoi-se in the Park, lounging at the window of a club ; with many friends, no doubt, and a good reputation. I wonder whether the man sleeps easily and eats with 88 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH a good appetite'? I wonder whether he has paid Mr. B.'s heirs the sum which that gentleman paid, and died for ? ' If Mr. B."s history has nothing to do with mine, and is only- inserted here for the sake of a moral, what business have I to mention particulars of the dinner to which I was treated by that gentleman, in the spunging-house in Cursitor Street? Why, for the moral too; and therefore the public must be told of what really and truly that dinner consisted. There were five guests, and three silver tureens of soup : viz., mock-turtle soup, ox-tail soup, and giblct soup. Next came a great piece of salmon, likewise on a silver dish, a roast goose, a roast saddle of mutton, roast game, and all sorts of adjuncts. In this way can a gentleman live in a spunging-house if he be inclined ; and over this repast (which, in truth, I could not touch, for, let alone having dined, my heart was full of care) — over this meal my friend Gus Hoskins found me, when he received the letter that I had despatched to him. Gus, who had never been in a prison before, and whose heart failed him as the red-headed young Moses opened and shut for him the luunerous iron outer doors, was struck dumb to see me behind a bottle of claret, in a room blazing with gilt lamps ; the curtains were down too, and you could not see the bars at the windows ; and Mr. B., Mr. Lock the Brighton officer, Mr. Aminadab, and another rich gentleman of his trade and religious persuasion, were chirping as mei-rily, and looked as respectably, as any noblemen in the land. " Have him in," said Mr. B., " if he's a friend of Mr. Titmarsh'c; for, cuss me, I like to see a rogue : and run me through, Titmarsh, but I think you are one of the best in London. You beat Brough ; you do, by Jove ! for he looks like a rogue — anybody would swear to him ; but you ! by Jove, you look the very picture of honesty ! " " A deep file," said Aminadab, winking and pointing me out to his friend ]\Ir. Jehoshaphat. " A good one," says Jehoshaphat. " In for three hundred thousand pound," says Aminadab : " Brough's right-hand man, and only threc-and-twenty." "Mr. Titmarsh, sir, your 'ealth, sir," says Mr. Lock, in an ecstasy of admiration. "Your very good 'ealth, sir, and better luck to you next time." ' " Pooh, pooh ! he's all right,'.' says ihninadab; "let him alone." " In for what .? " shouted I, quite amazed. " Why, sir, you arrested me for £90." "Yes, but you are in for half a million, — you know you are. Them debts I don't count — them paltry tradesmen's accounts. I mean Brough's business. It's an ugly one ; but you'll get through AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 89 it. We all know you ; and I lay my life that when you come through the court, Mrs. Titmarsh has got a handsome thing laid by." "Mrs. Titmarsh has a small property, sir," savs I. "What then?" The three gentlemen burst into a loud laugh, said I was a " rum chap " — a " downy cove," and made other remarks which I could not understand then ; but the meaning of which I have since comprehended, for they took me to be a great rascal, I am sorry to say, and supposed that I had robbed the I. W. D. Association, and, in order to make my money secure, settled it on my wife. It was in the midst of this conversation that, as I said, Gus came in ; and whew ! when he saw what was going on, ho ga\'c such a whistle ! " Herr von Joel, by Jove ! " says Aminadab. At which all laughed. "Sit down," says Mr. B., — "sit down, and wet your whistle, my piper ! I say, egad ! you're the pijier that played before Moses ! Had you there. Dab. Dal), get a fresh bottle of Bur- gundy for Mr. Hoskins." And before he knew where he was, there was Gus for the first time in his life drinking Clos-Yougeot. Gus said he liad never tasted Bergamy before, at which the bailiff sneered, and told him the name of the wine. " Old Clo ! What ? " says Gus ; and we laughed : l;)ut the Hebrew gents did not this time. " Come, come, sir ! " says Mr. Aminadab's friend, " ve're all shentlemen here, and shentlemen never makish reflexunsh upon other gentlemeu'sh pershuashunsh." After this feast was concluded, Gus and I retired to my room to consult about my afi'airs. With regard to the responsibility incurred as a shareholder in the West Diddlesex, I was not uneasy ; for though the matter might cause me a little trouble at first, I knew I was not a shareholder ; that the shares were scrip shares, making the dividend payable to the bearer ; and my aunt had called back her shares, and consequently I was free. But it was very unpleasant to me to consider that I was in debt nearly a lumdred pounds to tradesmen, chiefly of Mrs. Hoggarty's recommendation ; and as she had promised to be answerable fcjr their bills, I deter- mined to send her a letter reminding her of her promi^^e, and begging her at the same time to relieve me from Mr. Von Stiltz's debt, for which I was arrested : and which was incurred not certainly at her desire, but at Mr. Brough's ; and would never have been incurred by me but at the absolute demand of that gentleman. I wrote, to her, therefore, begging her to pay all these debts, I 90 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH and promised myself on Monday morning again to be with my dear wife. Gus carried off the letter, and promised to deliver it in Ber- nard Street after church-time ; taking care that Mary shoidd know nothing at all of the painful situation in which I was placed. It was near midnight when Ave parted, and I tried to sleep as well as I could in the dirty little sofa-bedstead of Mr. Aminadab's back-parloiu*. Tliat morning was fine and sunshiny, and I heard all the bells ringing cheerfully for church, and longed to be walking to the Foundling with my wife : but there were the three iron doors between me and liberty, and I had notliing for it but to read my prayers in my own room, and walk up and down afterwards in the court at the back of the house. Would you believe it 1 This very court was like a cage ! Great iron liars covered it in fi"om one end to another ; and here it was that ]Mr. Aminadab's gaol-birds took the air. They had seen me rending out of the prayer-book at the back- parlour window, and all burst into a yell of laughter when I came to walk in the cage. One of them shouted out " Amen ! " when I appeared; another called me a muff (which means, in the slang langixage, a very silly fellow) ; a third wondered that I took to my prayer-book i/et. " When do you mean, sir?" says I to the fellow — a rough man, a horse-dealer. Why, when you are lioing to he hanged, you young hypocrite!" says the man. " But that is always the way with Brough's people,"^ continued he. " I had four gi'eys once for him — a great bargain, but he would not go to look at them at Tattersall's, nor speak a word of business about them, because it was a Sunday." " Because there are hyi)0crite3, sir," says I, " religion is not to be considered a bad thing : and if Mr. Brough would not deal with you on a Sunday, he certainly did his duty." The men only laughed the more at this rebuke, and evidently considered me a great criminal. I was glad to be released from their society by the a]ipearance of Gus and ^Ir. Smithers. Both wore very long faces. They were ushered into my room, and, without any orders of mine, a bottle of wine and biscuits were brought in by Mr. Aminadab ; which I really thought Avas very kind of him. " Drink a glass of wine, Mr. Titmarsh," says Smithers, " and read this letter. A pretty note was tliat which you sent to your aunt this moniing, and here you have an answer to it." I drank the wine, and trembled rather as I read as follows : — " SiK, — If, because you knew I had desined to leave you my prop;irty, you wished to murdar me, and so stepp into, it, you are AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 91 »lissiii)oint(Ml. Your mlliany and ingratitude would have miirdard me, had I not, by Heiivcn's grace, been uiabled to lo<>k for consala- tiou elsewhere. " For nearly a year I liavc been a inartar to yon. I ,s;ave up everything, — my happy home in the country, Avlierc all respected the name <:»f Hoggtu'ty ; my valuble furnitur and wines ; my plate, glass, and crockry ; I brought all — all to make your home happy and ri.spectable. I put up with the airs and im2)e7-tane7icies of Mrs. Titmarsh ; I loaded her and you with presents and bennafits. I saorafised myself; I gave up the l>est sociaty in the land, to witch I have been accustomed, in order to te a gardian and compannion to you, and prevent, if ])ossible, that waist and ixtravyijance which I prophycied would l^e your rain. Such waist and ixtravygance never, never, never did I see. Buttar waisted as if it had been dirt, coles Hung away, candles burnt at both ends, tea and meat the same. The butclier's bill in this house was enough to support six famalies. " And now you have the awlassaty, being placed in i)risun justly for your ci"imes, — for cheating me of ^3000, for robbing your mother of an iusignificient summ, which to her, jjour thing, was everything (though she Avill not feel her loss as I do, lieing all her life next door to a beggar), for incurring detts which you cannot ])ay, wherein you knew that your miserable income was quite unable to support your ixtravygance — you come upon me to i)ay your detts ! No, sir, it is quite enough that your mother should go oft the parish, and that your wife should sweep the streets, to which you have indeed brought them ; /, at least, tliougli cheated by you of a large sunnn, and obliged to pass my days in comparitive niin, can retire, and have some of the comforts to which my rank e!ititles me. The furnitur in this house is mine ; and as I presume you intend your lady to sleep in the streets, I give you warning that I shall remove it all to-moiT<:)W. "Mr. Smithers will tell you that I had intended to leave you my intire fortune. I have this morning, in his presents, solamly toar up my will ; and hereby renounce all connection with you and yom- beggOTly family, Susan Hoggakty. "P.jS'. — I took a viper into my lx)Som, and it stwui ■me.'" I confess that, on tlie first reading of this letter, I was in such a fury that I forgot almost the painful situation in which it jilimged me, and the ruin hanging over me. " What a fool you Avere, Titmarsh, to wnte that letter ! " s;xid Mr. Smithers. " You have cut your own throat, sir, — lost a fine 92 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMAESH property, — ^written yourself out of five hundred a year. Mrs. Hoggarty, my client, brought the will, as she says, downstairs, and flung it into the fire before our faces." " It's a blessing that your wife was from home," added Gus. " She went to church this morning with Dr. Salt's fomily, and sent word that she would spend the day with them. She was always glad to be away from Mrs. H., you know." " She never knew on which side her bread was buttered," said Mr. Smithers. "You should have taken the huly when she was in the humour, sir, and have borrowed the money elsewhere. Why, sir, I had almost reconciled her to her loss in that cursed Comjiany. I showed her how I had saved out of Brough's claws the whole of her remaining fortune ; which he would have devoured in a day, the scoundrel ! And if you would have left the matter to me, Mr. Titmarsh, I would have had you reconciled completely to IMrs. Hoggarty ; I would have removed all your difficulties ; I would have lent you the pitiful sum of money myself" "Will you?" says Gus; "that's a tnimp I " and he seized Sraithers's hand, and squeezed it so that the tears came into the attorney's eyes. " Generous fellow ! " said I ; " lend me money, when you know wliat a situation I am in, and not able to pay I " " Ay, my good sir, there's the rub ! " says Mr. Smithers. " I said I would have lent the money ; and so to the acknowledged heir of Mrs. Hoggarty I would — would at this moment ; for nothing delights the heart of Bob Smithers more than to do a kindness. I would have rejoiced in ditinL,^ it ; and a mere acknowledgment from that respected lady would have amply sufficed. But now, sir, the case is altered, — you have no security to offer, as you justly observe." " Not a whit, certainly." " And Avith:)ut security, sir, of course can expect no money — of course not. You are a man of the world, Mr. Titmarsh, and I see our notions ex;\ctly agi^ee." " There's his wife's property," says Gus. "Wife's property ? Bah ! Mrs. Sam Titmarsh is a minor, and can't touch a shilling of it. No, no, no meddling with minors for me ! But stop ! — your mother has a house and shop in our village. Get me a mortgage of that " " I'll do no such thing, sir," says I. " My mother has suffered quite enough on my score already, and has my sisters to provide for ; and I will thank you, Mr. Smithers, not to breathe a syllable to her regarding my present situation.'" 'You speak like a man of honour, sir," says Mr. Smithers, AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 93 " ami I -will obey your injunctions to the letter. I will do more, sir. I will introduce you to a respectable firm here, iny worthy friends, Messrs. Higgs, Bigg.s, and Blatliefwick, who will do every- thing in their power to serve you. And so, sir, I wish you a very good morning." And with this Mr. Smithere took his hat and left the room ; and after a fiu'ther consultation with my aunt, as I heard afterwards, quitted London that evening by the mail. I sent my faithful Gus off" once more to break the matter gently to my wife, fearing lest Mrs. Hoggarty sliou.ld speak of it abrujitly to her ; as I knew in her anger she would do. But he came in an hour ])anting back, to say that Mrs. H. had packed and locked her trunks, and had gone oft' in a hackney-coach. So, knowing that my poor Mary was not to return till night, Hoskins remained with me till tlien ; and, after a dismal day, left me once more at nine, to carry the dismal tidings to her. At ten o'clock on that night there was a great rattling and ringing at the outer door, and jjresently my poor girl fell into my arms ; and Gus Hoskins sat blubbering in a corner, as I tried my best to console her. The next morning I was favoured with a visit from Mr. Blather wick ; who, hearing from me that I had only three guineas in my pocket, told me very plainly that lawyers only lived by fees. He recommended me to quit Cursitor Street, as living there was very expensive. And as I was sitting very sad, my wife made her a]>pear- ance (it was -ftith great difficulty that she could be lirought to leave me the night i:)revious) — " The horrible men came at four this morning," said she ; " four hours before light." " What hon-ible men 1 " says I. "Your aunt's men," said she, "to remove the furniture: they had it all packed before I came away. And I let them carry all," said she ; " I was too sad to look Avhat was ours and what was not. That odious Mr. Wapshot wjis with them ; and I left him seeing the last waggon-load from the door. I have only brought away your clothes," added she, " and a few of mine ; and some of the books you used to like to read ; and some— some things I have been getting for the— for the baby. The servants' wages were paid up to Christmas ; and I i)aid them the rest. And see ! just as I was going away,^ the post came, and brought to me my half-year's income — £35, dear Sam. Isn't it a blessing 1 " "Will you pay my bill, Mr. What-d'ye-call-'im ? " here cried Mr. Amlnadab, flinging open the door (he had been consulting with 9 94 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH Mr. Blatherwick, I suppose). " I want the room for a (lentleman. guess it's too dear for the Uke of you." And here — will you believe it ? — tlie niiin handed me a bill of three guineas for two days' board and lodging in his odious house. • •••••* There was a crowd of idlers round the door as I passed out of it, and had I been alone I should have been ashamed of seeing them ; but, as it was, I was only thinking of my dear deax wife, who was leaning trustfully on my arm, and smiling like heaven int(3 my foce — ay, and took heaven, too, into tlie Fleet prison with me — or an angel out of hcixven. All ! I had loved her before, and happy it is to love wlien one is hopeful and young in the midst of smiles and sunshine ; but be 7<«happy, and then sec what it is to be li .vcd by a good woman ! I declare before Heaven, that of all tlie joys and hapjty moments it has given me, that was the crowning one — that little ride, with my wife's cheek on my shoulder, down Holborn to the jnnson ! Do you think I cared for the bailiff that sat oppa'ite ] No, by the Lord ! I kissed her, and hugged her — yes, and cried with her likewise. But before our ride was over her eyes dried up, and she stepped blushing and happy out of tlie coach at the prison door, as if she were a prmcess going to the Queen's Drawing-room. CHAPTER XII IN WHICH THE HERO'S AUNT'S DIAMOND MAKES ACQUAINT- • ANCE WITH THE HERO'S UNCLE THE failure of the great Diddlesex Association speedily became the theme of all the newspapers, and every person concerned in it was soon held up to public abhorrence as a rascal and a swindler. It was said that Brough had gone otf with a million of money. Even it was hinted that poor I had sent a hundred thousand pounds to America, and only waited to pass through the court in order to be a rich man for the rest of my days. This opinion had some supporters in the prison ; where, strange to say, it procured me consideration — of which, as may be sui)i)0sed, I was little inclined to avail myself. Mr. Aminadab, however, in his frequent visits to the Fleet, persisted in saying that I was a poor- spirited creature, a mere tool in Brough's hands, and had not saved a shilling. Ojiinions, however, diti'ered ; and I believe it was con- sidered by the turnkeys that I was a fellow of exquisite dissimula- tion, who had put on tlie apjiearance of poverty in order more effectually to mislead the jaiblic. Messrs. Abcdnego and Son were similarly held up to public odium : and, in fact, what were the exact dealings of these gentle- men with Mr. Brougli I have never been able to learn. It was ]iroved by the books that large sums of money had lieen paid to Mr. Abednego by the Company ; but lie produced documents signed by Mr. Brough, which made the latter and the West Diddlesex Association his debtors to a still further amount. On the day I went to the Bankruptcy Court to be examined, Mr. Abednego and the two gentlemen from Houndsditch were present to swear to their debts, and made a sad noise, and uttered a vast number of oaths in attestation of their claim. But Messrs. Jackson and Paxton pro- tluced against them' that very Irish porter who was said to have been the cause of the fire, and, I am told, hinted that they had matter for hanging the Jewish gents if they persisted in their demand. On this they disappeared altogether, and no more was ever heard of their losses. I am inclined to believe that oiu- Director had had money from Abednego— had given him shares as bonus and security 96 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH — had been suddenly obliged to redeem these shares with ready money ; and so had precipitated the ruin of himself and the concern. It is needless to say here in what a multiplicity of companies Brough was engaged. That in which i)oor Mr. Tidd invested his money did not pay 2d. in the pound ; and that was the largest di\'idend paia by any of tliem. As for ours — ah ! there was a pretty scene as I was brought from the Fleet to the Bankruptcy Court, to give my testimony as late head clerk and accountant of the West Diddlesex Association. My poor wife, then very near her time, insisted upon accompany- ing me to Basinghall Street ; and so did my friend Gus Hoskins, that true and honest follow. If you had seen the crowd that was asticmbled, and the hubbub that was made as I was brouglit up ! " Mr. Titmarsh," says the Commissioner as I came to the table, with a peculiar sarcastic accent on the Tit — " Mr. Titmarsh, yon were the confidant of Mr. Brough, the ])rincipal clerk of Mr. Brough, and a considerable shareholder in tlio Company ? " " Only a nominal one, sir," said I. " Of course, only nominal," continued the Commissioner, turning to his colleague with a sneer; "and a great comfort it must be to you, sir, to think that you liad a share in all the plan — the profits of the speculation, and now can free yourself from the losses, by «aying you are only a nominal shareholder." "The infernal villain!" shouted out a voice from the crowd. It was that of the furious half-pay captain and late shareholder, Captain Sjjarr. "Silence in the court there!" the Commissioner continued: and all this while Mary was anxiously looking in his fiice, and then in mine, as pale as death ; while Gus, on the contrary, was as red as vermilion. "Mr. Titmarsh, I have had the good fortune to see a list of your debts from the Insolvent Court, and find that you are indebted to Mr. Stiltz, the great tailor, in a handsome sum ; to Mr. Polonius, the celebrated jeweller, likewise; to foshionable milliners and dressmakers, moreover; — and all this upon a salary of £200 per annum. For so yoxmg a gentleman it must be con- fessed you have employed your time well." "Has this anything to do with the question, sir?" says I "Am I here to give an account of my private debts, or to speak as to what I know regarding the aftairs of the Company 1 As for my share in it, I have a mother, sir, and many sisters " " The d — d scoundrel ! " shouts the Captain. " Silence that there fellow ! " shouts Gus, as bold as brass ,• at which the court burst out laughing, and this gave me courage lo proceed. AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 97 " My mother, sir, four years since, having a legacy of £400 left to her, advised with her solicitor, Mr, Smithers, how she should disjjose of this sum ; and as the Independent West Diddlesex was just then established, the money was placed in an annuity in that office, where I procured a clerkship. You may suppose me a very hanlened criminal, because I have ordered clothes of Mr. Von Stiltz ; but you will hardly fancy that I, a lad of nineteen, knew anything of the concerns of tlie Company into whose service I entered as twentieth clerk, my own mother's money paying, as it were, for my place. "Well, sir, the interest offered by the Company was so tempting, that a ricli relative of mine was induced to purchase a uumber of shares." " IVho induced your relative, if I may make so bold as to inquire ? " " I can't help owning, sir," says I, blushing, " that I wrote a letter myself But consider, my relative was sixty years old, and I was twenty-one. My relative took several months to consider, and had the advice of her lawyers before she acceded to my request. And I made it at the instigation of Mr. Brough, who dictated the letter which I wrote, and who I really thought tlien was as rich as Mr. Rothschild himself" "Your friend placed her money in your name; and you, if I mistake not, Mr. Titmarsh, were suddenly placed over the heads of twelve of y(3ur fellow-clerks as a reward for your service in obtaining it ? " " It is very true, sir," — and, as I confessed it, poor Mary began to wipe her eyes, and Gus's cars (I could not see his face) looked like two red-hot nuiffins — "it's quite true, sir; and, as matters have turned out, I am heartily sorry for what I did. But at the time I thought I could serve my aunt as well as myself; and you must remember, then, how high our shares were." "Well, sir, having procured this sum of money, you were straightway taken into Mr. Brough's confidence. You were re- ceived into his house, and from third clerk speedily became head clerk ; in which post you were found at tlie disappearance of your worthy patron ! ' " Sir, you have no right to question me, to be sure ; but here are a hundred of our shareholders, and I'm not uuAvilling to make a clean breast of it," said I, pressing Mary's hand. " I certainly iras the head clerk. And why 1 Because the other gents left tlie office. I certainly was received into Mr. Brough's house. And why '? Because, sir mj/ aunt had more money to lay otit. I see it all clearly now, tliough I could not understand it then ; and the proof tliat Mr. Brough wanted my aunt's money, and not me, is I 98 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH that, when she came to town, our Director carried her by force out of my house to Fulham, and never so much as thought of asking me or my wife tliither. Ay, sir, and he woidd have had her remaining money, had not her lawyer from the country pre- vented her disposing of it. Before the concern finally broke, and as soon as she heard there was doubt concerning it, she took back her shares — scrip shares they were, sir, as you know — and has dis- posed of them as she thought fit. Here, sir, and gents," says I, " you have the whole of the historj- as far as regards me. In order to get her only son a means of livelihood, my mother placed her little money with the Company — it is lost. My aunt invested larger sums with it, which were to have been mine one day, and they are lost too ; and here am I, at the end of four years, a dis- graced and ruined man. Is tliere any one iiresent, however nuieh he lias suffered by the failure of the Company, that has had worse fortune through it than I ? " " Mr. Titmarsh," says Mr. Commissioner, in a much more friendly way, and at the same time casting a glance at a news- paper reporter that was sitting hard by, " your story is not likely to get into the ncwspajjcrs ; for, as you say, it is a private affair, which you had no need to sjK-ak of unless you thought proper, and may be considered as a confidential conversation between us and the other gentlemen here. But if it cmdd be made public, it might do some good, and warn peojjle, if they tvill be warned, against tlie folly of such enterprises as that in which you have been engaged. It is quite clear from your story, that you have been deceived as grossly as any one of the persons jiresent. But look you, sir, if you had not been so eager after gain, I think you wouM not have allowed yourself to be deceived, and would have kei)t your relative's money, and inherited it, according to your story, one day or other. Directly peoi)le expect to make a large interest, their judgment seems to desert them ; and because they wish for profit, they think they are sure of it, and disregard all warnings and all prudence. Besides the hundreds of honest families Avho have l)een ruined by merely placing confidence in this Association of yours, and who deserve the heartiest pity, there are hundreds more who have embarked in it, like yourself, not for investment, but for speculation ; and these, u]>!in my word, deserve the fate they have met with. As long as dividends are paid, no questions are asked ; and Mr. Brough might have taken the money for his shareholders on the high-road, and they would have pocketed it, and not been too curious. But what's the use of talking ? " says Mr. Commissioner, in a passion : " here is one rogue detected, and a thousand dupes made ; and if another swindler starts to-morrow, there will be a thousand more of his I AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 99 victims round this table a year hence; and so, I suppose, to tho end. And now let's go to business, gentlemen, and excuse this sermon." After giving an account of all I knew, which was very little, other gents who were employed in the concern were examined ; and I went back to prison, with my poor little wife on my arm. We had to pass through the crowd in the rooms, and my heart bled as I saw, amongst a score of others, poor Gates, Brough's porter, who liad advanced every shilling to his master, and was now, with ten children, houseless and penniless in his old age. Ca|)tain Sparr was in this neighbourhood, but by no means so friendly disposed ; for while Gates touched his hat, as if I had been a lord, the Httle Captain came forward threatening with his bamboo-cane and swear- ing with great oaths that I was an accomplice of Brough. "Curse you for a smooth-faced scoundrel ! " says he. "What l)usiness have you to ruin an English gentleman, as you have me 1 " And again he advanced witli his stick. But this time, officer as he was, Gus took him by the collar, and shoved him Ijack, and said, " Look at the lady, you brute, and hold your tongue ! " And when he looked at my wife's situation. Captain Si)arr became redder for shame than he had before been for anger. "I'm sorry she's married to such a good-ibr-notliing," muttered he, and fell back; and my poor Avife and I walked out of the court, and back to our dismal room in the prison. It was a hard place for a gentle creature like her to be confined in ; and I longed to have some of my relatives with her when her time should come. But her grandmother could not leave tlie old lieutenant; and my mother had written to say that, as Mrs. Hoggarty was with us, she was quite as well at home with her children. "What a blessing it is for you, under your misfortunes," continued the good soul, " to have the generous purse of your aunt for succour ! " Generous purse of my aunt, indeed ! Where could Mrs. Hoggarty be ? It was evident that she had not written to any of her friends in the country, nor gone thither, as she threatened. But as my mother had already lost so much money through my unfortunate luck, and as she had enough to do with her little idttance to keep my sisters at home ; and as, on hearing of my condition, she would infiiUibly have sold her last gown to bring me aid, IMary and I agreed that we would not let her know what our real condi- tion was — bad enough ! Heaven knows, and sad and cheerless. Old Lieutenant Smith had likewise nothing but his half-pay and hi* rheumatism ; so we were, in feet, quite friendless. Tiiat period of my life, and that horrible prison, seem to me like recollections of some fever. What an awful jilace ! — not for I loo THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH the sadness, strangely enough, as I thought, but for the gaiety of it ; for the long prison galleries were, I remember, full of life and a sort of grave bustle. All day and all night doors were clapping to and fro ; and you heard loud voices, oaths, footsteps, and laughter. Next door to our room was one where a man sold gin, imder the name of tai^e ; and here, from moniing till night, the people kept up a horrible revelry ; — and sang — sad songs some of them : but my dear little girl "was, thank God ! unable to understand the most part of their ribaldry. She never used to go out till nightfall ,- and all day she sat working at a little store of caps and dresses for the exjjcctcd stranger — and not, she says to this day, luihappy. But the confinement sickened her, who had been used to happy coimtry air, and she grew daily paler and paler. The Fives Court was opposite our window ; and here I used, very unwillingly at first, but afterwards, I do coHfess, with much eagerness, to take a couple of hours' daily sport. All ! it was a strange place. There was an aristocracy there r..5 elsewhere, — amongst other gents, a son of my Lord Deuccacc ; and many of the men in the prison were as eager to walk with him, and talked of his family as knowingly, as if they were Bond Street bucks. Poor Tidd, especially, was one of these. Of all Ids fortune he had nothing left but a dressing-case and a flowered dressing-gown ; and to these possessions he added a fine pair of moustaches, with which the poor creature stmtted about ; and thougli cursing his ill-fortune, was, I do believe, as happy whenever his friends brought him a guinea, as he had been during his brief career as a gentleman on town. I liave seen sauntering dandies in watering-places ogling the wonien, watching cagcrlv for steamboats and stage-coaches as if their lives depended upon them, and strutting all day in jackets up and down the public walks. Well, there are such fellows in prison : quite as dandifidl and foolish, only a little more shabby — dandies Avith dirty bcai'ds and holes at tlicir elbows. I did not go near what is called the poor side of the prison — I dared not, that was the fact. But our little stock of money was running lovi^ ; and my heart sickened to think what might be my dear wife's fate, and on what sort of a couch our child might bo born. Bit Heaven spared me that pang, — Heaven, and my dear good friend, Gus Hoskins. The attorneys to whom Mr. Smithers recommended me, told ino that I could get leave to live in the rules of the Fleet, coidd I procure sureties to the marshal of the prison for the amount of the detainer lodged against me ; but though I looked ]\Ir. Blathci'U'ick hard in the face, he never offered to give the bail for me, and I knew no housekeeper in London who would procure it. There was, AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND lor however, one whom I did not know, — and that was old Mr. Hoskins, the leatherseller of Skinner Street, a kind fat gentleman, who brought liis flit wife to see Mrs. Titmaisli ; and tliough the lady gave lierself rather patronising airs (her husband being free of tho Skinners' Company, and bidding fair to be Alderman, nay, Lord Mayor of the first city in the world), she seemed heartily to sympa- thise witli us ; and her husband stirred and bustled about until the requisite leave was obtained, and I was allowed comparative liberty. As for lodgings, tliey were soon had. My old landlady, Mrs. Stokes, sent lier Jemima to say that her first floor was at our service ; and when we had taken possession of it, and I ofiered at the end of the week to pay her bill, the good soul, with tc;xi-s in her eyes, told me tliat she did not want for money now, ami that she knew I had enough to do with Avliat I had. I did not refuse her kindness ; for, indeed, I had but five guineas left, and ought not by rights to have thought of such expensive apartments as hers ; but my wife's time was very neai-, and I could not bear to think tliat she sliould want for any comfort in her lying-in. The admirable woman, with whom the Misses Hoskins came everyday to keep coiupany — and very nice, kind ladies tlicy are — recovered her hculth a good deal, now she Avas out of the odious prison and was enabled to take exercise. How gaily did we pace up and down Bridge Street and Chatham Place, to be sure ! and yet, in truth, I was a beggar, and felt sometimes ashamed of being so hap])y. With regard to the liabilities of the Company my mind was now made quite easy ; for the creditors could only come upon oiu- directors, and these it was rather difiicult to find. Mr. Brough was across the water ; and I must say, to the credit of that gentleman, that while everybody thought he had run away with hundreds of thousands of poimds, he was in a garret at Boulogne, -with sctu'ce a shilling in his pocket, and his fortune to make afresh. Mrs. Brough. like a good brave woman, remained faithful to him, and only left Fulhaui with the gown on her back ; and Miss Belinda, though grumbling and sadly out of temper, was no better ott". For the other directors, — Avhcn they came to inquire at Edinburgh for Mr. Mull, W.S., it appeared there tvas a gentleman of tliat name, who had practised in Edinburgh with good reputation until ISOO, f ince when he had retired to the Isle of Skye ; and on being a])plied to, knew no more of the West Diddlesex Association than Queen Anne did: General Sir Dionysius O'Halloran had abruptly quitted Dublin, and returned to the repul)Uc of Guatemala. Mr. Shirk went into the Gazette. Mr. Macraw, M.P. and King's Counsel, 102 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH had not a single guinea in the world but what he received for at- tending our board ; and the only man seizable was Mr. Manstraw, a wealthy navy contractor, as we understood, at Chatham. He turned out to be a small dealer in marine stores, and his whole stock in trade was not worth £10. Mr. Abednego was the other director, and we have already seen what became of him. " Wliy, as there is no danger from the West Diddlesex,"' sug- gested Mr, Hoskins, senior, "should you not now endeavour to make an arrangement with your creditors ; and who can make a better bargain with them than i)retty Mi^. Titmarsh liere, whose sweet eyes woidd soften the hardest-hearted tailor or milliner that ever lived ? " Accordingly my dear girl, one bright day in February, shook me by the hand, and bidding me be of good cheer, .set forth with Gus ill a coach, to pay a visit to those persons. Little did I think a year before, that the daughter of the gallant Smith shoidd ever be compelled to be a Rupi)liant to tailors and liahcrdashers ; but she. Heaven bless her ! felt none of the shame which oppressed me — or sf.iid she felt none — and went away, nothing doubting, on her errand. In the evening she came back, and my heart thumped to know the news. I savr it was bad by her face. For some time she did not speak, but looked as jiale as death, and wept as she kissed me. " You speak, Mr. Augustus," at la.st said slie, sobbing ; and so Gus told me the circumstances of that dismal day " What do you think, Sam ? " says he ; " that infernal aunt of yours, at whose command you had tlie things, luxs written to the tradesmen to say that you are a swindler and impostor ; that you give out that she ordered the goods ; that she is ready to drop di>wn dead, and to take her Bible-oath she never did any such thing, and that they must look to you alone for payment. Not one of them would hear of letting you out ; and as for Mantalini, the scoundrel was so insolent tliat I gave him a box on the ear, and would have half-kille;l him, only poor Mary — Mrs. Titinarsh I mean— screamed and fainted : and I brought her away, and here she is, as ill as can be." That night, tlie indefatigable Gus was obliged to run post-haste for Doctor Salts, and next morning a little boy was born. I did not know whether to be sad or happy, as they showed me the little weakly thing : but 3Iary was the ha]ii>iest woman, she declared, in the world, and forgot all her sorrows in nursing the poor baby ; she went bravely through her time, and vowed that it was the loveliest chilli in the world : and that though Lady Tijitoff, whose confinement we read of as liaviiiir taken place tlie same day, might have a silk bed and a fine house in Grosvenor Square, she never never could AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 103 have such a beautiful child as our dear little Gus : for after whom should Ave have named the boy, if not after our good kind friend 1 We had a little party at the christening, and I assure yon were very meny over our tea. The mother, thank Heaven ! was very well, and it did one's heart good to see her in that attitude in which I think every woman, be she ever so jilain, looks beautiful — with her baby at her bosom. The child was sickly, but she did not see it ; we were very poor, but what cared she 1 She liad no leisure to be sorrowful as I was : I liad my last guinea now in my pocket ; and when that was gone — ah ! my heart sickened to think of what was to come, and I prayed for strength and guidance, and in the midst of my perplexities felt yet thankful that the danger of the confinement was over ; and tliat for the worst fortune which was to befall us, my dear wife was at least prepared, and strong in health. I told Mrs. Stokes that she must let us have a cheaper room — - a garret tluit should cost but a few shillings ; and though the good woman bade me remain in the apartments we occupied, yet, now that my wife was well, I felt it w^ould be a crime to deprive my kind landlady of her chief means of liveliiiood ; and at length she promised to get me a garret as I wanted, and to make it as comfortaWe as might be ; and little Jemima declared that she would be glad beyond measure to wait on the mother and the cliild. The room, then, was made ready ; and though I took some pains not to speak of tlie arrangement to(3 suddenly to Mary, yet there was no need of disguise or hesitation ; for when at last I told her — "Is that all?" said she, and took my hand with one of her blessed smiles, and vowed that she and Jemima would keep the room as pretty and neat as possible. " And I will cook your dinners," added she ; " for you know you said I make the best roly-poly puddings in the world." God bless her ! I do think some women almost love poverty : but I did not tell Mary hoAV poor I was, nor had she any idea how lawyers', and prison's, and doctors' fees had diminished the sum of money which she brought me when we came to the Fleet. It was not, however, destined that she and her child should in- habit that little garret. We were to leave our lodgings on Monday morning ; but on Saturday evening the child was seized with con- vulsions, and all Sunday the mother watched and prayed for it : but it pleased God to take the inniwent infant from ns, and on Simday, at midnight, it lay a cori)se in its mother's bosom. Amen. We have other children, happy and well, now round about us, and from the fiither's heart the memory of this little thing has almost faded ; but I do believe that every day of her life the mother thinks of the firstborn that was with her for so short a while : many and I04 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH mauy a time has she taken her daughters to the grave, m Samt Bride's, "where he hes buried ; and she wears still at her neck a httle little lock of gold hair, which she took from the head of the intant as he lay smiling in his coffin. It has happened to me to forget the child's birthday, but to her never; and often in the midst of common talk comes something that shows she is thinlcing of the child still, — some simple allusion that is to me inexpressibly aftecting. I shall not try to describe her grief, for such things are sacred and secret ; and a man has no business to place them on paper for all the world to read. Nor shoukl I have mentioned tlie child's loss at all, but that even that loss was the means of a great worldly blessing to us ; as my wife has often with tears and thanks acknowledged. While my wife was weeping over her child, I am ashamed to say I was distracted with other feelings besides those of gi-ief for its loss; and I have often since thought what a master — nay, destroyer — of the attections Avant is, and have learned from expe- rience to be thankful for daily bread. That acknowledgment of weakness whi<'h we make in iniplnring to be relieved from humrer and from temptation, is smxly wisely put in our daily prayer. Think of it, y(ju wlio are rich, and take heed how you turn a beggar away. The child lay there in its wicker cradle, with its sweet tixed smile in its face (I think the angels in heaven must have been glad to welcome that jiretty innocent smile) ; and it was only the next day, after my wife had gone to lie downi, and I sat keeping watcii liy it, that I remembered the cimdition of its i)arents, and thought, I can't tell witli Avhat a pang, tiiat I had not money left to bury the little thing, and wept l.ntter tears of despair. Now, at last, I thought I must a])i)ly to my poor mother, for this was a sacred necessity; and I took paper, and wrote her a letter at the baby's side, and told her of our condition. But, thank Heaven ! I never Bent the letter ; for as I went to the desk to get sealing-wax and seal that dismal letter, my eyes fell upnn the diamond-pin that I had quite forgotten, and that was lying in the drawer of the desk. I looked into the betb'oom, — my poor wife was asleep ; she liad been watching for three nights and days, and had fallen asleep from sheer fatigue : and I ran out to a ])awid>rokcr's with tlie diamontl, and received seven guineas for it, anil coming back, put tlie money into the landlady's hand, and told her to get what was needful. My wife was still asleep wlien I came back ; and when she woke, we per- suaded her to go downstairs to the landlady's parlour; and mean- while the necessary i)rei)aratious were made, and the poor child consigned to its. coffin. AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 105 The next day, after all was over, Mrs. Stokes gave me l)ack three out of the seven guineas ; and then I could not help sobbing out to her my doubts and wretchedness, telling her that this was the last money I had ; and when that was gone I knew not what was to become of the best Avife that ever a man was blest witli. My wife was downstairs -with, the woman. Poor Gus, who was Vt'ith me, and quite as much affected as any of the party, took me by the arm, and led me downstairs ; and we quite forgot all about the prison and the rules, and walked a long long way across Blackfriars Bridge, the kind fellow striving as mxich as possible to console me. When we came back, it was in the evening. The first jierson v>-ho met me in the house was my kind mother, who fell into my arms with many tears, and who rebuked me tenderly for not having told her of my necessities. She never should have known of them, she said ; but she had not heard from me since I Avrote announcing the birth of the child, and she felt uneasy about my silence ; and meeting Mr. Smithers in the street, asked from him news concerning me : whereupon that gentleman, with some little show of alarm, told her that he thought her daughter-in-law was confined in an uncomfort- able place ; that Mrs. Hoggarty had left us ; finally, that I was in prison. This news at once despatched my poor mother on her travels, and she had only just come from the prison, where she learned my address. I asked her whether she had seen my Avife, and how she found her. Rather to my amaze she saiil that Mary was out with the landlady when she arrived ; and eight — nine o'clock came, and she was absent still. At ten o'clock returned — not my wife, Imt ]\Irs. Stokes, and with her a gentleman, who shook hands with me on coming into the room, and said, " Mr. Titmrrsh, I don't know wliether you will remember me : my name is Tiptofi". I liave In-ought you a note from Mrs. Titmarsh, and a message from my wife, who sincerely commiserates your loss, and begs you will not be uneasy at Mrs. Titniarsh's absence. She has been good enough to promise to pass the night with Lady Tiptoff; and I am sure you will not object to her being away from you, while she is giving happiness to a sick mother and a sick child." After a few more Avords, my Lord left us. My wife's note only said that Mrs. Stokes Avould tell me all. CHAPTER XIII IN WHICH IT IS SHOiyyi THAT A GOOD WIFE IS THE BEST DIAMOND A MAN CAN WEAR /.V HIS BOSOM M RS. TITMARSH, ma'am," says Mrs. Stokes, "before I gratify your curiosity, ma'am, permit me to observe that angels is scarce ; and it's rare to liavc one, much more two, in a family. Both your sou and your daughter-in-law, ma'am, are of that uncommon sort ; they are, now, rcely, ma'am." My mother said she tlianked God for both of us ; and Mrs. Stokes proceeded : — " When the fu when the seminary, ma'am, was concluded this morning, your poor daughter-in-law was glad to take snelter in my humble parlour, ma'am; where she wept, and told a thousand stories of the little cherub that's gone. Heaven bless us I it was here but a month, and no one could have thought it cou/d have done such a many things in that time. But a mother's eyes are clear, mi'am ; and I had just such another angel, my dear little Antony, that was born before Jemima, and would have been twenty- three now were he in this wicked world, ma'am. However, I won't speak of him, ma'am, but of what took place. " You must know, ma'am, that Mrs. Titmai-sh remained down- stairs while Mr. Samuel w'as talking with his friend Mr. Hoskins ; and the poor thing would not touch a bit of dinner, tliough we had it matle comfortable ; and after 'ai)shot." So we put Mrs. Hoggarty out of our thoughts, and made ourselves as comfortable a.s miglit be. Rich and great people are slower in making Cliristians of their rhildren than we ])Oor ones, and little Lord Pnynings was not christened until the month of June. A duke was one godfathcn AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND iti and My. Ednuiud Preston, tlie State Secretary, another ; and tliat kind Lady Jane Preston, whom I have before sj^oken of, was the godmotlier to her nephew. She had not long been made acquainted witli my wife's liistory ; and both she and lier sister Lived her heartily and were very kind to her. Indeed, there was not a single soul in the house, high or low, but was fond of tliat good sweet creature ; and the verj^ footmen were as ready to serve her as they were their own mistress. " I tell you what, sir," says one of them. " You see, Tit, my boy, I'm a connyshure, and up to snough ; and if ever I see a lady in my life, ]\Irs. Titmarsh is one. I can't be fimiliar with her — I've tried " "Have you, sir?" said I. '' Don't look so indignant ! I can't, I say, lie fimiliar with her as I am with you. There's a somethink in her, a jennysquaw, that haws me, sir ! and even my Lord's own man, that 'as 'ad as much success as any gentleman in Eiuope — he says that, cuss him " " Mr. Charles," says I, " tell my Lord's own man that, if he wants to keep his place and his whole skin, he will never address a single word to that lady but such as a servant should utter in the presence of his mistress ; and take notice that I am a gentle- man, though a poor one, and will murder the first man who does her wrong ! " Mr. Charles only said " Gammin ! " to this : but psha ! in bragging about my own spirit, I forgot to say what great good- fortune my dear wife's conduct procured for me. On the christening-day, Mr. Preston offered her first a five, ai'-l then a twenty-pound note ; liut she declined either ; but she did not decline a present that the two ladies made her together, and this was no other than iny release from the Fleet. Lord Tiptoff's lavryer paid every one of the bills against me, and that happy christening-day made me a free man. Ah ! who shall tell the pleasure of that day, or the merry dinner we had in Mary's room at Lord Tiptoff's house, when my Lord and my Lady came upstairs to shake hands with me ! "I have been speaking to Mr. Prsston," says my Lord, "the gentleman with whom you had the memorable quarrel, and he has forgiven it, although he was in the wrong, and i)romises to do something for you. We are going down, meanwliile, to his house at Richmond ; and be sure, Mr. Titmarsh, I will not fail 1. 1 keep you in his mind." " .Urs. Titmarsh will do that," says my Lady ; " for Edmund is woefully smitten with her ! " And Mary blushed, and I laughed, 112 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH and we were all very happy : and sure enough there came from Richmond a letter to me, stating that I was appointed fourth clerk in tlie Tape and Sealing-wax Office, with a salary of £80 per annum. Here perhaps my story ought to stop ; for I was happy at last, and have never since, thank Heaven ! known want : but Gus insists that I should add liow I gave up the place in the Tape and Sealing-wax Office, and for what reason. That excellent Lady Jane Preston is long gone, and so is ISh. P off in an apoplexy, and there is no harm now in telling the story. Tlie fact was, that I\Ir. Preston had follen in love with ^Mary in a nuich more serious way than any of us imagined ; for I do Ijclicve he invited his l)rot]ier-in-law to Richnmnd for no other I)uri)ose than to jiay court to liis son's nurse. And one day, as I wi\.s coming i)ost-liaste to thank him for the place he had jtrocured for me, being directed by Mr. Charles to the "scrulibery," as he called it, which led down to the river — there, sure enough, I found Mr. Pn-ston, on his knees too, on the gravel-walk, and before him Mary, holding the little lord. "Dearest creature!"' says Mr. Preston, "do but listi'U to me, and III make your husband consul at Timbuctoo ! He shall never know of it, I tell you : he can never know of it. I pledge you my word :us a Cabinet I\Iinister ! Oh, don't look at me in that arch way : by heavens, your eyes kill me ! " Mary, when she saw me, burst out laughing, and ran down the lawn ; my Lord making a huge crowing, too, and holding out liis little fat hands. Mr. Pre.ston, who was a heavy man, was slowly getting uj), when, catching r. sight of me looking as fierce as the crater of Mount Etna, — he gave a start back and lost his footing, and rolled over and over, wallojiing inti» the water at the garden's edge. It was not deep, and he came bubbling and snorting out again in as nnich fright as fury. " You d — d ungrateful villain ! " says he, " what do you stand there laughing for [ "' "I'm waiting your ordcr-^ for Timiiuctoo, sir," says I, and humlied lit to die ; and so did my Lonl Tiptoff and his party, who joined uv. on the lawn : and Jeamcs the footman came forward and helped Mr. Preston out of tiie water. '• Oil, you old sinner I " says my Lord, a.s his lirother-in-law came up the slope. "Will that heart of yours be always so susceptible, you romantic, apojdectic, immoral man I " Mr. Preston went away, looking Itlue with rage, and ill-treated his wife for a whole month afterwards. " At any rate," says my Lonl, " Titmarsh here has got a place AND THE GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND 113 through our friend's unhappy attachment ; and Mrs. Titniarsh has only laughed at him, so there is no harm there. It's an ill wind that blows nobody good, you know." " Such a wind as that, my Lord, with due respect to you, shall never do good to me. I have learned in the past few years what it is to make fi-iends with the mammon of unrighteousness ; and that out of such iricndshij) no good comes in the end to honest men. It shall never be said that Sam Titmarsh got a place because a gi'eat man was in love with his wife ; and were the situation ten times as valuable, I should blush every day I entered the office- doors in thinking of the base means by which my fortune was made. You have made me free, my Lord ; and, thank God ! I am willing to work. I can easily get a clerkshij) with the assistance of my friends ; and with that and my wife's income, we can manage honestly to face the world." This rather long speecli I made with some animation ; for, look you, I was not over well j)lcase(l that his Lordship should think me capalile of speculating in any way on my wife's lieauty. My Lord at first turned red, and looked rather angry ; but at last he held out his hand and said, "You are right, Titmarsh, and I am wrong ; and let me tell you in confidence, that I think yuu are a very honest fellow. You shan't lose by your honesty, I promise you." Nor did I : for I am at this present moment Lord Tiptoff s steward and right-hand man : and am I not a hajtpy father ? and is not my wife loved and resjiected by all the country 1 and is not Gus Hoskins my broth.er-in-law, partner with his excellent fother in the leather way, and the delight of all his nephews and nieces for his tricks and fun 1 As for Mr. Brough, that gentleman's history would fill a volume of itself Since he vanished irom the London world, he has become celebrated on the Continent, where he has acted a thousand parts, and met all sorts of changes of high and low f )rtune. One thing we may at least admire in the man, and that is, his undaunted courage; and I can't help thinking, as I have said before, that there must be some good in him, seeing the way in which his family are faithful to him. With respect to Roundhand, I had best also speak tenderly. The case of Roundhand v. Tidd is still in the memory of the public ; nor can I ever understand how Bill Tidd, so poetic as he was, could ever take on with such a fat, odious, vulgar woman as ]\Irs. R., who was old enough to be his mother. As soon as we were in prosperity, Mr. and Mrs. Grimes Wapshot made overtures to be reconciled to us ; and Mr. Wapsiiot lakl bare to me all the baseness of Mr. Sir.ithers's conduct in the Brough 1T4 THE HISTORY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH transaction. Smitliers had also endeavoured to pay his court to me, once when I went down to Somersetshire ; but I cut liis i)re- tensions short, as I have shown. " He it was," said Mr. Wapsliot, " who induced Mrs. Grimes (j\Irs. Hoggarty she was then) to pur- chase the "West Dichllesex shares : receiving, of course, a large boiuis for himself. But directly he found that ]\Irs. Hoggarty had fallen into the hands of Mr. Brough, and that he should lose the income he made from the lawsuits with her tenants and from the manage- ment of her landed ])roperty, he deteruiined to rescue her fmm that villain BroUL^h, and came to town fur the purpose. He also," added Mr. Wapsliot, "vented his malignant slander against me; but Heaven was pleased to fmstrate his base schemes. In the ])ro- ceedings consequent on Brough's bankruptcy, Mr. Smitliers coidd not appear ; for liis own share in the transactions of the ComiKiny would- have been most certainly shown up. During his absence from London, I became the husband— the happy husband— of your aunt. But though, my dear sir, I have l)een the means of bringing her to grace, I cannot disguise from you that Mrs. "W. has fixidts which all my i)a.storal care has not enabled me to eradicate. She is close of her money, sir — very dose; nor can I make that charitable use of her i)roperty which, as a clergyman, I ought to do ; for she has tied up every shilling of it, and only allows me half-a-crown a week for pocket-money. In temjier, too, she is ver>- violent. During the first years of our union, I strove with her ; yea, I chastised her ; but her persfverance, I must confess, got the Iwtt^^r of me. I make no more remonstrances, but am as a lamb in her hands, and she leads me whithci-soever she ]>lea.>*es." i\Ir. Wapshot concluded his tale by l)orrowing lialf-a-crown from me (it was at the Somerset Coffee-house in the Strand, where he came, in the year 1832, to wait upon me), and I kiw him go from thence into tlie gin-shop oi)posite, and come out of the gin-shop half-an-hour ;irt.r\v.ir(ls, rrolinL' acrops the streets, ami ].erfectly intoxicated. He died ne.\t year : when his widow, who called herself Mrs. Hoggarty-(}rimes-Wai)shot, of Castle Hoggarty, said that over the giiive t>f her .s;unt all earthly resentments were forgotten, and jiro- posed to come and live with us ; paying us, of course, a handsome remuneration. But this offer my wife and I respectfully declined ; and once more she altered her will, which once more she had made in our favour ; called us ungrateful wretches and i)ani^ered menials, anility, my friends, is as follows : — MAJOR GOLIAH O'GEADY GAHAGAN, H.E.I.O.S., Commanding Battalion of Irrerjular Horse, AHMEDNUGGAR. Seeing, I say, this simple visiting ticket, the world will avoid any of those awkward mistakes as to my person, which have been so frequent of late. There has been no end to the blunders regarding this humble title of mine, and the confusion thereby created. When I published my volume of poems, for instance, the Morning Fast newspaper reniarked "that the Lyrics of the Heart, by Miss Gahagau, may be ranked among the sweetest flowrets of the present spring season." The Quarterly Revieio, commenting ujion my "Observations on the Pons Asinorum " (-ito, London, 1836), called me " Doctor Gahagan," and so on. It was time to put an end to these mistakes, and I have taken the above simple remedy. I20 THE TREMENDOUS ADVENTURES OF I was urged to it V)y a very exalted personage. Dining in August last at the palace of the T — 1-r-es at Paris, the lovely young Duch-ss of Orl — ns (who, though she does not speak English, understands it as M-ell as I do), said to me in the softest Teutonic. " Lieber Herr Major, haben sie den Ahmednuggarischen- jager-battalion gelassen?" "Warum denn?" said I, quite aston- ished at her R — 1 H ss's question. The P — cess then spoke of some trifle from my pen, which was simply signed Golii.a Gahagan. There was, unluckily, a dead silence as TT.IMT. ]iiit this question. " Comment dond" said H.M. Lo-is Ph-l-ppe, looking gravely at Count Mol^ ; " le cher Major a quitt^ I'armde ! Nicolas done sera maitre de I'lnde !" H. M and the Pr. M-n-ster pursued tlieir conversation in a low tone, and left me, as may be imagined, in a dreadful state of confusion. I blushed arid stuttered, and murmured out a fevv' incoherent words to explain — but it would not do — I could not recover my equanimity during the course of the dinner ; and while endeavouring to help an English Duke, my neighbour, to poulet a V Ansterlitz, foirly sent seven nuislirooms and three large greasy croiites over his whiskers and shirt-frill. Another laugh at my expense. " Ah ! M. Ic Major," said the Q of the B-lg — ns archly, " vous n'aurez jamais votre brevet de Colonel." Her M y's joke will be better understood when I state that his Grace is the brother of a Minister. I am not at literty to violate the sanctity of private life, by mentioning the names of the parties concerned in this little anecdote. I only wish to have it understood that I am a gentleman, and live at least in decent society. Verhum sat.^ But to be serious. I am obliged always to write the name of Goliah in full, to distmguish me from my brother, Gregory Gahagan, who Wcis also a Major (in the King's service), and whom I killed in a duel, as the public most likely knows. Poor Greg ! a. very trivial dispute was the cause of our quarrel, which never would have originated but for the similarity of our names. Tlie circum- stance was tliis : I had been lucky enough to render the Nawaub of Lucknow some trifling sei-vice (in the notorious aflair of Choprasjee Muckjee), and his Highness sent down a gold toothpick-case directed to Captain G, Gahagan, which I of course thought was for me : my brother madly claimed it ; we fought, and the conseijuence was, that in about three minutes he received a slash in the right side (cut 6), which eff'ectually did his business :— he was a good swordsman enough — I was the best in the universe. The most ridiculous part of the affair is, that the toothpick-case was his. after all — he MAJOR GAHAGAN 121 had left it on the Nawaub's table at tiiliu. I can't conceive what madness prompted him to fight ahout such a paltry l)anhle; he had much better have yielded it at once, wlien he saw I was dctennined to have it. From tliis sliglit specimen of my adventures, tlie reader will perceive that my life has been one of no ordinary interest; and, in fact, I may say that I have led a more rem;irkable life than any man in the service — I have been at more i)itche(l battles, led more forloni hopes, had more success among the fair sex, drunk harder, read more, been a handsomer man than any officer now serving Her Majesty. When I first went to India in 1802, I was a raw cornet of seventeen, with blazing red hair, six feet four in heiglit, athletic at all kinds of exercises, owing money to my tailor and everybody else who would trust me, possessing an Irish brogue, and my full pay of £120 a year. I need not say that Avith all these advantages I did that which a number of clever fellows have done before me — I fell in love, and proposed to marry immediately. But how to overcome the difficulty 1 — It is true tliat I luved Julia Jowler — loved her to madness ; but lier father intended lier for a Member of Council at least, and not for a beggarly Irisli ensign. It was, however, my fate to make the passage to India (on board of the Samuel Snob East Indiaman, Captain Dut^'y) with this lovely creature, and my misfortune instantaneously to I'all in love with her. We were not out of the Channel before I adored her, wors]iii)ped the deck which slie tn^d upi:)n, kiss(>d a thousand times the cuddy-chair on which she used to sit. Tlie same madness fell on every man in the ship. The two mates fought a])out her at the Cape ; the surgeon, a sober pious Scotchman, from (lisaj)pointed aft'ection, took so dreadfully to drinking as to threaten s})ontaneous combustion ; and old Colonel Lilywliite, carrying his wife and seven daugliters to Bengal, swore that he would have a divorce from Mrs. L., and made an attempt at suicide ; the captain himself told me, with tears in his eyes, that he hated his hitherto adored Mrs. Duti'y, altliough he had had nineteen children by her. We used to call her the witch — there was magic in her beauty and in her voice. I was spell-bound when I looked at her, and stark staring mad when she looked at me ! lustrous black eyes ! — O glossy night-black ringlets ! — lips ! — dainty frocks of Avliite muslin ! — tiny kid shippers ! — though old and gouty, Gahagan sees you still ! I recollect, off Ascension, she looked at me in her i)arti- cular way one day at dinner, just as i happened to be blowing on a piece of scalding hot green fat. I Avas stuiieficd at once — I thrust the entire morsel (about half a pound) into my mouth. I made no attempt to sAvallow, or to jiiasticate it, but left it there for many minutes, burning, burning ! I had no skin to my italate for sever L 122 THE TRE:\rENDOUS ADVENTURES OF weeks after, and lived on rice water during the rest of the voyage. The anecdote is trivial, but it shows the power of Julia Jowler over me. The writers of marine novels have so exhausted the subject of storms, shipwrecks, mutinies, engagements, sea-sickness, and so forth, that (although I have experienced each of these in many varieties) I think it quite unnecessary to recount such tritiing adventures; suffice it to say, that during our five montlis' trajet, my mad passion for Julia daily increased ; so did the captain's and the surgeon's ; so did Colonel Lilywhite's ; so did the doctor's, tlie mate's — that of most jiart of the ]ia.sscngers, and a consideralile number of the crew. For myself, I swore — ensign as I was — I would win her for niy wife ; I vowed that I would make her glorious with my sword — that as soon as I had made a favourable impression on my commanding officer (wliich I did not doubt to create), I would lay open to him the state of my affections, and demand his daughter's hand. With such sentimental outpourings did our voyage continue and conclude. We landed at the Sunderbunds on a grilling hot day in December 1802, and then for the moment Julia and I separated. Slie was carried off to her pai>a's arms in a jjalankeen, siu-roundod liy at least forty hookahbadars ; whilst tlio p(>i.>r cornet, attendctl but by two dandies and a solitary beasty (by which unnatural name these blackamoors are called), made his way humbly to join the regiment at headquarters. The — th Regiment of Bengal Cavalry, then under the command of Lieut.-Colonel Julius Jowler, C.B., wius known throughout Asia and Europe by the jiroud title of the Bundelcund Invincibles — so groat w;us its character for bravery, so remarkalile were its services in that delightful district of India. Major Sir George Gutch was next in command, and Tom Thrupj), as kind a fellow as ever ran a Mahratta througli tiie body, was second Major. We were on the eve of that remarkable war which was si)eedily to spread throughout the whole of India, to call forth the valour of a Wellesley, and the indomitable gallantry of a Gahagan ; which was illustratod by our victories at Ahmcdnuggar (where I was the first over the barricade at the storming of the Pettah) ; at Argaum, where I slew with my own sword twenty-tlu-ee matcldock-men, and cut a dromedary in two ; and by tliat terrible day of Assaye, where Wellesley would have been beaten l)ut for me-»-me alone : I headed nineteen charges of cavalry, took (aided by only four men of my own troop) seventeen field-pieces, killing the scoiuidrelly French artilleiymen ; on that day I had eleven elephants shot under me, and carried away Scindiah's nose-ring vnth a pistol-ball. Wellesley is a Duke and a ^larshal, MAJOR GAHAGAN 123 I but a simple Major of Irregulars. Such is fortune and war ! But my feelings carry me away from my narrative, which h^d better proceed with more order. On arriving, I say, at our barracks at Dum Dum, I fur the first time put on the beautiful uniform of the Invincibles : a liglit blue swallow-tailed jacket with silver lace and wings, ornamented with about 3000 sugar-loaf buttons, rhubarb-coloured leather inexpressibles (tights), and red morocco boots with silver spurs and tassels, set off to admiration the handsome persons of the officers of our corps. We wore powder in those days ; and a regulation pigtail of seventeen inclies, a Ijrass helmet surrounded by leopard skin, with a bearskin top and a horsetail feather, gave the head a fierce and chivalrous appearance, which is far more easily imagined than described. Attired in this magnificent costume, I first presented myself before C<:ilonel Jowler. He was haltitcd in a manner precisely similar, but not being more than five feet in height, and weighing at least fifteen stone, the dress he wore did not become him quite so much as slimmer and taller men. Flanked by his tall Majors, Thrupp and Gutch, he looked like a stumpy skittle-ball between two attenuated skittles. The ])]ump little Colonel received me with vast cordiality, and I speedily became a prime favourite with himself and the other ofiicers of the corps. Jowler was tlie most hospitable of men ; and gratifying my appetite and my love together, I continually jx'^rtook of his dinners, and feasted on the sweet presence of Julia. I can see now, what I would not and could not jierceive in those early days, tliat tliis Miss Jowler — on whom I had lavished my first and warmest love, whoni I had endowed with all perfection and purity — was no better than a little impudent flirt, Avho played witli my feelings, because during tlie monotony of a sea voyage she had no otlier toy to play with; and who deserted others for me, and me for others, just as her wliim or her interest might guide her. She had not been three weeks at headquarters when half the regiment was in love "with her. Each and all of the candidates had some favour to boast of, or some encouraging hopes on whicli to build. It was tlie scene of the Samuel Snob over again, only heightened in interest by a number of duels. The following list will give the reader a notion of some of them : — o' 1. Cornet Gahagan . . Ensign Hicks, of the Sappers and Miners. Hicks received a ball in his jaw, and was half choked by a quantity of carroty whisker forced down his throat with the ball. 124 THE TREMENDOUS ADVENTURES OF 2. Captain Macgillicuddy, Cornet Gahagan. I was run . B.N.I. through the body, but the sword passed between the ribs, and in- jured me very slightly. 3. Captain Macgillicuddy, Mr. Mulligatawny, B.C.S., Deputy- B.N.I. Assistant Vice Sub-Controller of the Boggley wollah Indigo grounds, Ramgolly branch. Macgillicuddy should have stuck to sword's play, and he might have come off in his second duel as well as in his first ; as it was, the civilian placed a ball and a part of Mac's gold repeater in his stomach. A remarkable circumstance attended this shot, an account of which I sent home to the " Philosophical Transactions " : the surgeon had extracted the ball, and was going otf, thinking that all was Avell, when the gold repeater struck thirteen in poor Macgilli- cuddy's abdomen. I suppose that the works must have been disarranged in some Avay by the bidlct, for the repeater was one of Barraud's, never known to fail before, and the circumstance occurred at seven o'clock.* I could continue, almost ad injinitum, an account of the wars which this Helen occasioned, but the above three specimens will, I should think, satisfy the peaceful reader. I delight not in scenes of blood. Heaven knows, but I was compelled in the course of a few weeks, and for the sake of this one woman, to fight nine duels myself, and I know that four times as many more took place concerning her. I forgot to say that Jowler's wife was a half-caste woman, who had been born and bred entirely in India, and whom the Colonel had married from the house of her mother, a native. There were some singular rumours abroad regarding this latter lady's history : it was reported that she was the daughter of a native Rajah, and had been carried off" by a poor English subaltern in Lord Clive's time. The young man was killed very soon after, and left his child with its mother. The black Prince forgave his daughter and bequeathed to her a handsome sum of money. I sup])ose that it was on this account that Jowler married Mrs. J., a creature who ' So admirable are the performances of these watches, which will stand in any climate, that I repeatedly heard poor ilacgillicuddy relate the following fact. The hours, as it is known, count in Italy from one to twenty-four : the day Mac landed at Naples his repeater run'/ the Italian hours, from one to ticentv-fonr ; as soon as he crossed the Alps it only sounded as usuaL— ' G. O'G. G. MAJOR GAHAGAN 125 had nut, I do believe, a Christian name, or a single Christian quality : she was a hideous, bloated, yellow creature, with a beard, black teeth, and red eyes : she Avas fat, lying, ngly, and stingy — she hated and was hated by all the world, and by her jolly husband as devoutly as by any other. She did not ])ass a month in the year with him, but spent most of her time with her native friends. I wonder how she could have given birth to so lovely a creature as her daughter. This Avoman was of course with the Colonel when Julia arrived, and the spice of the devil in her daughter's composition was most carefully nourished and fed by her. If Julia had been a flirt before, she was a downright jilt now ; she set the whole cantonment by the cars ; she made wives jealous and husbands miserable ; she caused all those duels of which I have discoursed already, and yet such was the fliscination of the wt:tcii that I still thought her an angel. I made court to the nasty mother in order to be near the daughter; and I listened untiringly to Jowler's interminable dull stories, because I was occupied all the time in watching the graceful movements of Miss Julia, But the trumiiet of war was soon ringing in our cars ; and on the battle-field Gahagan is a man ! The Bundelcund Invincibles received orders to march, and Jowler, Hector-like, donned his helmet and i^repared to part from his Andromache. And now arose his perplexity : what must be done with his daughter, his Julia ? He knew his wife's peculiarities of living, and did not much care to trust his daughter to her keeping ; but in vain he tried to find her an asylum among the respectable ladies of his regiment. Lady Guteh offered to receive her, but would have nothing to do with Mrs. Jowler ; the surgeon's wife, Mrs. Sawbone, would have neither mother nor daughter : there was no help for it, Julia and her mother must have a house together, and Jowler knew that his wife would fill it with her odious blackamoor friends. I cindd not, however, go forth satisfied to the campaign until I learned from Julia my fate. I watched twenty opjjortunities to see her alone, and wandered about the Colonel's bungalow as an inr>rmcr does about a public-house, marking the incomings and the outgoings of the family, and longing to seize the moment when Miss Jowler, unbiassed by her mother or her papa, might listen, perhaps, to ray eloquence, and melt at the tale of my love. But it would not do — old Jowler seemed to have taken ail of a sudden to such a fit of domesticity, that there was no finding h'm out of doors, and his rhubarb-coloured wife (I believe that lier skin gave the first idea of our regimental, breeches), who before had been gadding ceaselessly abroad, and poking her broad nose into every menage in the cantonment, stopped faithfully at home with her 11 126 THE TREMENDOUS ADVENTURES OF spouse. My only chance was to beard the old couple in their den. and ask them at once for thcu* cuh. So I called one day at tiffin : — old Jowler was always happy to have my company at this meal ; it amused him, he said, to see me drink Hodgson's pale ale (I drank two hundred and thii-ty-four dozen the first year I was in Bengal)— and it was no small piece of fun, certainly, to sec old Mrs. Jowler attack the currie-Uiaut ;— she was exactly the colour of it, as I have had already the honour to remark, and she swallowed the mixture witli a gusto which was never equalled, except by my poor friend D;mdo a propos d'huUrcs. She consumed the first three platefuLs with a fork and sjioon, like a Christian ; but as she warmed to her work, the old hag wouhl throw away her silver implements, and dragging the dishes towanls her, go to work witli her hands. Hip the rice into her mouth with her fingers, and stow away a quantity of eatiildes sufiicient for a sepoy company. But why do I di\Trge from the main point of my story ? Julia, tlicn, Jowler, and Mi's. J., were at hmclu'on ; the dear girl was in tlie act to sailer a ghiss of Hodgson as I entered. " How do you do, Mr. Ga.gin?" said the old hag leeringly. "Eat a bit o' currie-bhaut," — and she thrust tlie dish towards me, securing a heap as it passed. " What I Gag>' my boy, how do, how do ] " said the fat Colonel. " Wliat ! run tlirough the bo