LOSANCElfjV ■^ >& T\ O u_ V %a3/ £ ^UIBRAR h \qi ■'jU. ST. JAMES'S: A SATIRICAL POEM, IN SIX EPISTLES TO MR. CROCKFORD. ," Summa sibi exacta licentia jocandi." Suetonius. LONDON : MDCCCXXVII. LONDON : TBOTSON AND PALMER, PRINTERS, SAVOY STREET. ^'/z Aw / TO THOMAS MOORE, ESQ If Mr. Moore will accept the Dedication of the accompanying Trifle, he will afford its writer an opportunity of offering a very humble tribute, at the shrine of one of the most illustrious poets of this or any other age. London, July 4, 182', PREFACE. There will probably be some diversity of opinion, in the minds of those readers under whose observation the following pages may happen to fall — not upon the demerits (or merits, if there are any) of the writer ; but upon the purport of the writing. The pursuits of one half of the world invariably afford plenty of opportunity for vi PREEACE. •animadversion, in the opinion of the other ; and the more peculiar such pursuits are, the wider is the scope they give, and the temptation they hold out. If this work deserves the name of a satire, its object differs, in one point of view, from all its predecessors; inasmuch as its sole aim is levelled at one class of society, and that, of the highest character in the country ; while the direction of similar compositions, which have gone before it, has been extended " to various manners, and to various men." The Dunciad, the Rosciad, the Baviad and the Mceviad, together with the Bath Guide, English Bards, Two-penny Post Bag, and Fudge Family, (to say nothing of sundry PREFACE. vii minor productions,) have been devoted to many ends — St. James's is devoted but to one. It will be immediately perceived, that, in selecting such names as Pope, Church- ill, Gifford, Anstey, Byron, and Moore, I have had the presumption to place myself in pretty good company : but if this impression should be created, I can conscientiously assure any one, at all in- terested upon the point, that no such absurd idea as that of comparison, ever entered my imagination. I have only alluded to these popular authors, for the sake of shewing, that I do not come under the class of " imi- ta tores, servum pecus." viii PREFACE. The principal personage, who appears in this exhibition, is my particular friend Mr. Crock ford— the pivot on which all the " Honourable " and " Right Honourable " gentlemen turn, who herein keep him com- pany. But a few years have passed, since society was without that extraordinary charm, which, at the present moment, con- stitutes its very existence; when the noble sports, to which Mr. Crockford has given ' a local habitation and a name," were, if not unknown, at least unpractised. To speak in more intelligible terms, there was no Club, until the institution of one by this distinguished gentleman, where the elite could meet, for the purpose of " play ;' PREFACE. ix and the consideration of such a serious ca- lamity, on the part of the philanthropic projector, gave birth to CrockJ'ord-House.* This singular personage is one of those choice spirits, who, in the language of Mil- ton, " can make a Heaven of Hell — a Hell of Heaven :"f and, by the exercise of his influence, has conferred those benefits on mankind, which are neither to be forgotten. * It was not until nearly the completion of this trifle, that Mr. Luttrell's talented production of Crockford House was published: I am not aware of any similarity of idea or expression between that gentleman and myself, though it is very often the case, that " nittings on the same thought will happen." If any instances of this should be detected, whatever merit may belong to them is solely due to Mr. Luttrell. t Paradise Lost, Book i. x PREFACE. nor repaid. It was under this conviction, therefore, that I formed the resolution of apprising the public, through the medium of a small octavo, to what extent they are indebted to this universal benefactor. If the existence of this " little book" should be protracted beyond the period usually as- signed to such ephemeral matter, it will be an ample reward to its writer, to think he i has been enabled to hand down to other days, the virtues of one who constituted such an extraordinary feature in his own: and in that — perhaps vain — hope, he has attempted to celebrate the talent, attain- ments, and integrity of Mr. Crockfokd. PREFACE. xi The familiarity with with which " men," as well as " things," have been at all times handled, by those who are " nothing if not critical," is of itself a sufficient reason why the custom should not be violated on the present occasion, provided it suited the pur- poses of the author; and it happened par- ticularly to do so, in this instance. In an admirable imitation of two lines of Horace, by Pope, 'tis writ : " Know, there are rhymes which (fresh and fresh ap- plied) Will cure the arrant'st puppy of his pride ;" and I am free to confess, that, among the selection of names here introduced, there are xii PREFACE. some to whom I have, more than once, re- curred, with Pope's opinion at my finger's end. Pliny transmitted to posterity this maxim—" Never to do any thing- that might not be written, or to write any thing that might not be read ;" — a principle particularly applicable to the distinguished personages I have had to treat of, and to the humble indi- vidual treating of them. The balance, on an examination of this axiom, is, I fear, against me ; for I can with much greater satisfaction assert, that, what they have done deserves to be written, than, what J have done deserves to be read. I do not atf'ect to be one iota more PREFACE. xiii scrupulous than my neighbours, upon any single point I may have chanced to touch : the probabilities are, that, in every respect, they have the advantage of me. I am, never- theless, well aware that the opinion of Ho- race* is fully borne out, in the instances of many now commented upon, and with that impression have I proceeded. As respects the authorship, there is little likelihood of that important secret ever being- known ; which is probably the very best thing that could happen to the party most inte- rested. There is nothing to fear — because * " Errori noraen virtus possuisset honestum." xiv PREFACE. no charge of severity, or even moroseness, can be adduced : there is nothing to hope — beyond that meed of public approbation which ought, more or less, to be the object of every one's ambition ; and, as regards the delight- ful vanity of seeing one's name in print, I can safely say, in the words of Belcour* " if I knew that man on earth who thought more humbly of me, than I do of myself, I would take up his opinion, and forego my own :" which (between ourselves, gentle reader) is all you can reasonably expect from " an aspiring young hero." THE AUTHOR. * West Indian, Act i. Scene 2. ST. JAMES'S. LETTER I. ST. JAMES'S. LETTER I. Stultitiam patiuntur opes. Hor, C rocky, peruse these hasty lines, Which admiration bids me pen To one, in all respects who shines The first of Fishmongers, and men ! Whose varied acts were I to blab, (Their secret good would fill a volume,) 2 ST. JAMES'S. Which thou hast done, from marble slab In thy remove to marble column. Thy former cronies all may chide That man, the foremost of whose aims, is, To cut us out a nearer ride From Billingsgate unto »S7. James's: No matter — many thanks we owe Thy enterprise, for doing so ; For modern men, and modern ways, In such condition now are nurst, The virtues of the last we praise, By their attainments at the first. ST. JAMES'S. They deem thee altered, and deride The Ashman's wealth, and " pitch of pride ;" But laugh at such calumnious stuff — For let them give thee line enough, And thou canst fanes and fortunes raise, Thou may'st despise each envious jest ; And wilt, to use a homely phrase, Be one day "haltered for the best !" Though o'er the map of town I throw My glance, and view each hall that graces This grand emporium of show, With countless rows of streets and places : ])2 4 ST. JAMES'S. I do not see, amidst the lot, Which glitter forth at everv turning, So envied, or so rich a spot, As thy display of art and learning. I dine mostly, once a week, In Whitehall Place, where ostentation Takes every day some gorgeous freak, And entrees come up in rotation, On trays, whose taste, and whose dimension Would make you think 'twere some invention To feast, at once, one half the nation : The Baronet so much, besides, Himself upon his artiste prides, ST. JAMES'S. To have the cuisine justice done, Tis said, and 'tis believed, he took An income from a younger son, To pay the wages of his cook. All this which C rocky, entre /iou>, Comes every day within my view, Still needs that charm which, to my mind, We only at thy table had. That all corrected, glowing touch, Which renders earthly things divine, And which we've ever praised so much In those resplendent halls of thine ! "O 6 ST. JAMES'S. 1 find myself, too, cheek by cheek, In Piccadilly once a week, With her, whose purse, if wealth could buy That " mode " which taste can but supply, Would have each season's dainties throng (Whate'er in quantity the call is) Her table, though it were as long- As people say the China wall is. I've seen from forth their icy beds The wine bottles f in phalanx go : And then, as right, in people's heads, I've, after, seen the spirits flow. ST. JAMES'S. There I was present on that day, Witness of that most sad affray — ■ When she (who used herself to say Four bottles * 2 could not make her falter, Nor either speech, or action, alter) Either through accident, or fun, Was most severely cut by one ! But though I take each giddy round Which fashion makes us sometimes enter, Where every fool is nightly found, To form of equal fools the centre ; Still there is wanting something more To elevate the sinking spirits ; ST. JAMES'S. Which, though sought elsewhere o'er and o'er, Thy charmed hall alone inherits. Oh ! 'tis a dazzling sight to see The spread of thy festivity ! Those petits pates made so natty, For which the heart beats pit-a-pultu Thine omelettes aux confitures Which no one elsewhere can endure : Thine asperges, too, en petit pais, Which Ude 3 can only, sur ma foi, Dress up in that delicious way Which ever marks his entremets. ST. JAMES'S. E'en if my taste, or wish, could vary a Method de arte coquinarid, I think the palm so duly his, I'd leave the " art " just as it is ! For could that famous heathen glutton 4 Who ate his sense and life away, Have seen how Monsieur does his mutton, He'd lived unto this very day. Sir George s can witness the delight With which we've sallied from his table, To flock to thine, from night to night, Where he fed, long as he was able. 10 ST. JAMES'S. Or in the noon, when not to bear A sprung up, " nipping, eager air," 6 He's run in, purposely to munch on A cotelette d'agneau, for luncheon : Or any continental trifle Which might the hungry fury stifle ; He swears that there, and only there, Rognons au vin de champagne are. But let me well be understood, Nor e'er be deemed that mouthy mortal, Who, like the Baronet I've mentioned, would Only, for eating, pass your portal ! ST. JAMES'S. 1 1 Though there are many to that end Their annual subscriptions spend, r And though they play not, yet are winners, By out of suppers making dinners : I'm of a different stamp — I play ! And what is worse than that — I pay ! And though it is " a sorry sight," 8 Yet so led on, and pleased am I, I'm tempted, almost every night, " To stand the hazard of the die" 9 1 therefore deem no muse more able To sing the charms of either fable : 18 ST. JAMES'S. Whether of that, at which we meet, To spend our time — to eat — get funny ; Or, of that, where we take a seat, And, after eating, spend our money : There's food enough at both, to fill The hungry of each place, at will. Many, from out the senseless crowd, Who to thy golden shrine have bowed, Soon as the midnight cloth's removed, For what is called dessert 10 don't hanker ; And that delight have never proved Of having Crocky for a banker! ST. JAMES'S. 13 Like those said beings, who stroll in To Cove nt Garden, or its neighbour, Just as half price is to begin, To pass an hour of mental labour : Their object, I need hardly say, Being, as it seems very plain, meant To altogether cut the play, And only have the entertainment. 'Tis not, my Pluto, 11 on that herd By whom nor gods, nor men, can profit, That I would waste a single word, Unwilling to remind you of it. 14 ST. JAMES'S. But other souls, and other themes Call us to our Parnassian station, Whose quality, to me it seems, Requires some striking observation. Their merits, as belongs to us, If they have any, we'il discuss ; If not, there's one thing we may do, — None of their follies to connive at ; But point them out a way, or two, Some hoped amendment to arrive at. Still there's a rule to be maintained, The point all wiseheads have attained, ST. JAMES'S. 15 Whether at fault, or vice you aim, At spendthrift beau, or dashing high belle, Or any other kind of game, Never to write a word of libel ! Although the greater truth you tell, The greater libel judges think it ; Yet as a lie 12 will do as well, The best way always is to blink it. Especially in times like these, When some well fee'd, and well fed, zany, Perked in a Jury Box, may please To pass a verdict, at his ease, That may prevent you knowing any. 1(3 ST. JAMES'S. And yet it is a trying task — For let me any mortal ask, How to avoid a libel, when People may be disposed to rate your Talents high, and what you pen Must be of a reflecting nature ! I've one, or two, good things in store, But then perhaps it would be better That you should " seek to know no more, " l3 'Till I've despatched my second letter. Crockford, the words I now indite, 14 To common sense will make appealing; ST. JAMES'S. 17 For you should know, in all I write, I have a kind of fellow feeling- ! For, having been (and well your looks Tell when your thoughts that way incline) So very often in your books, Tis fair you now should be in mine. Illustrious man, of " loaves and fishes !" Of love and money equal winner! Whose taste, and whose experience, dishes Alike the eater and the dinner ! Within whose walls each day we spy The souls of men and fish thou'rt buying ; 18 ST. JAMES'S. And some are sent below to fry, While other ones below are frying. Good man ! that turnest o'er the leaves Of pious revelation, where We all are told, a den of thieves Was changed into a house of prayer. And bearing such decree in view, This proper maxim dost pursue : For nightly, 'ere the feast 16 begins, We find thee at thy desk fast stuck, Praying — for grace to hide thy sins, And praying, after that, for — luck ! ST. JAMES'S, 19 Then, following up that noble plan, Laid down in " holy writ " for man ; You Christianly fulfil the creed — For goodly faith and nature tempt ye, '* The hungry with good things to feed, '* And send away the rich quite empty." K c2 ST. JAMES'S, LETTER II, ST. JAMES'S. LETTER II. We must forget the belly, i " When we think of profit." New way to pay old debts ! Act I. Scene III. Tis Addison, if I guess rightly, (Though it is long since I have read it, And even then so very slightly, I scarce can carry in my head it,) 24 ST. JAMES'S. Who says that, in the minds of most. And, certes, in his estimation, Spite of what any say, " the post " Of honor is a private station." 2 What " honor" must we not assign To thee, then, and that " post " of thine ? Whose intricacies few discern, And whose recesses are so private, That they its ways who'd wish to learn, Would be quite puzzled to contrive it. E'en if they knew each act and wile Of every wily, vile attorney ; Or had a troop of " rank and file," Commanded by Sir Richard Birnie: ST. JAMES'S. 25 Anil practised every stratagem, Commonly put in force by them. That " post" to thee, then, we concede, (Spite of the jeers in which they steep it, And which good men like thee don't heed,) Feeling quite certain thou wilt keep it. Which done — suppose we take a glance At every thing that's passing round thee At all "condemned," as they advance, Determined thoroughly to sound thee. Some who have made a famous meal Sent up on many a favorite dish : 26 ST. JAMES'S, And having had the jiesh, they feel A certain longing for the fish.* Or else, to use a horrid pun Committed now by every one, Reckless, of what you call their veal, 4 They fly from s/kwhpain to the real. 5 Behold thee at thy desk ! Thy worth Would makegreatRHADAMANTHUs wonder, To find a Judge of H — 1 on earth, As good as he is reckoned under. There bowls of counters lie in heaps, While bowls of wine are near, for handing, ST. JAMES'S. 97 In which each man his reason steeps, And then the first there's no withstanding. Whilst thou, most prudently, to pay- All due attention to thy shop, Though thou wilt give a pipe away, Won't drink, thyself, a single drop. And wise thou art, to save this trouble, (At least to my poor way of thinking) For thou can'st see, each evening, double, Without the slightest aid of drinking. On to the treasure see them tread, Soon as you happen to unlock it 28 ST. JAMES'S. Many, with "crown upon their head," That have not got one in their pocket. And yet " it needs no ghost to say," Few men are trusted more than they : For well we know the Duke is old, And life can barely ebb much faster ; And they above ground leave his gold, When //wfiferground they place its master. Title comes with estate in view. And then, estate with title, too. Then piles of bonds, a seat, and wines, With every other kind of riches. bT. JAMES'S. 29 In a long train of lustre shines, And literally the sense bewitches. So, C rocky, you who know so well The worth alone of merely bare rent, Care little, I need hardly tell, How much you trust the Heir Apparent. While, on the other hand, we feel, And all admit 'tis somewhat prudent, You care not, very much, to deal With Fashion's votary, and student : Who, as La Fontaine says, appear What we, far off, would something call, 30 ST. JAMES'S. But when we chance to see them near, They turn out nothing after all. 7 Your gentilhomme a lievre then comes, That he may also taste your bounty, And spends upon your game more sums Than upon all that's in his county. With every other " gentle " class, And " simple" too, in great profusion, Some whose mere word will current pass, Others whose very bond would you shun. Men, with estates at elbows out, Which law and mortgages so fetter, ST. JAMES'S. 81 And run so seedy, it's a doubt Whether their coats are any better. Ne'er yet, of all the crowds that went Into thy courtly throng, Pall Mall, Did ever Levee-day present Fashions like those which nightly dwell Within these gaudy walls, where vice Has raised in H — i. a pair-o'-dice. 6 Here, your great Minister you'll meet, Who fearing any one might scoff his State — when he starts from D -g Street, Leaves it behind him, in his office. 8» ST. JAMES'S, Ambassadors, from other courts, Flock to this scene of " English sports." 1 Thus, when the price of funds surveying, Which comes, with breakfast, every day in, You chance to see the " Foreign " low, (Which most precarious of all stock is) The Prince, or Marquis, well you know Has lately had ill luck at Crocky's. In short, the precincts of the throne Can, with this place, compare alone ; For though, on holidays of state, Once now and then, the rich and great ST. JAMES'S. < i3 Come forth, in all their courtly swell, And we've St. James's in Pall Mall ; Yet all this train of Lord and Knight, (Whate'er the nature of their fames is,) Equals not this place, where, each night, We have Pal-mella in St. James's! Twere vain, however, to deny, When this superbe description giving, That here are mixed up, with the high, Some of the lowest fellows living:. Especially, if " manners" can, As says the proverb, " make the man." 3-1 ST. JAMES'S. Old worn-out gamesters, very willing, Out of their last surviving shilling, If any run of luck go round, To try how many they can pound. Some specimens of city pride, Proud any Lord to be beside, Who, it is certain, only ought Up to the counter to be brought, Come, where that article of trade, Fashion, is met with ready-made, And thinking her soon studied, they Determined are to undertake it, But, in each co up-de-w8 ST. JAMES'S. For, when of " sinners " you get clear, Directly you attack " the Saint." St. Vincent ! Oh, St. Vincent, where Is all to which thou wert the heir ? All thrown away, and partly spent Upon the Ashman's tenement, St. James's " castle in the air !" But, emblem of that golden rule, Both open pursed and open hearted, You demonstrated, that " a fool And money very soon are parted!" But thou, oh Crocky, dar'st not say One syllable against the maxim, ST. JAMES'S. 59 For, in thine own words : " Vy, he'd pay, " Vithout the trouble for to ax him." And better would it be for thee, Did others cotton to't as free. With proper principle, and pride, In gain of Love, or love of gain, By what he does he will abide, Nor seeks to dymock 16 out again. To W m L e I do not see, (Upon the most mature reflection,) That there, by any chance, can be Only this little slight objection : 60 ST. JAMES'S. Which is, that if he " thousands » win, He's able to take all away ; But if, for " thousands" he's let in, He is not able one to pay. " Here break we off." — T will resume, In a succeeding line, my task ; And both for men and things find room As ample, as e'en thou canst ask. For " fit qui gagne's" the pleasing din, Whose sound thine ears so deeply quaff; And as thou nothing dost but win, Thou cans't do nothing else but laugh. ST. JAMES'S, LETTER IV. ST. JAMES'S. LETTER IV. FISHMONGER'S HALL— West. " Facilis descensus Averni." Virgil. Dear Crocky, Accept all our thanks, for the haste In which, at a blow, half a street you laid waste, And then laid — a second philosopher's stone, Which into a golden pavilion has grown ; 6 1 ST. JAMES'S. Where, feeling that Charity's holiest thought, Your mind, in its holiest readings, has caught, "The hungry" you purpose " to feed," and (to win Completer redemption) "the stranger takein" 1 At this moment, too, just when the building Committee That's formed, for erecting a bridge in the city, Has purchased, with no other view than its fall, That stately old mansion, called Fishmonger's HALL (Which has long been the boast of our civic re- nown, And as long o'er the Thames has looked haugh- tily down, ST. JAMES'S. 65 As being the court, whoso Agrarian law Keeps its watery tribe in most terrible awe !) At this moment, that impulse we doubly re- spect, Which has prompted thee such " a proud pile " to erect ; And, in order its virtues may not be decreased, To bring to the West, what we've lost in the East. Of all of thy tribe, who have feasted, or nil d In its ancient domains, or have ever been school'd In that practice and art, which a fishmonger's trade The most wealthy and flourishing ever has made — 66 ST. JAMES'S. Of all your compeers, there is none the whole batch in, Whose ways are by any considered so catching! What's your maquereau frais a la maitre d'hotel, Your eperlans frit, your alose a Voseille, Your turbot, or salmon, or Jilet de sole — A haul of good gudgeons surpasses the whole. Leave these " delicatesses" to your friend Monsieur Ude, % To be done an gralin, to be fried, or be stewed — Let him torture all fish to be found on all slabs, If he'll leave to your care the control of the crabs ; '•'• ST. JAMES'S. 67 And in any way dressed, on your tables be set, So you dress but the flats that come into your net. And never did hoy, or Billingsgate boat, From Coast unto Quay o'er the wide waters float, That e'er such a freight, in a whole week, has brought, As thou, at one pull, very often hast caught. Oh, who would not angle in that gentle tide, Whose course doth round Oathutds so silently glide Through brake and through bower, whose gay evergreen Makes Spring the sole deity over the scene. i -2 08 ST. JAMES'S. Oh, who e'en the half of his life's little dav, In this land of enchantment would not while away ; Could he find, when the task of that day shall be done, And he's warned to his home by the lessening- sun, Such ample reward for the labour he's past, As that which this fisherman gets, at each cast But it is not to Oatlands alone, that a mind, So gamesome as thine, could be ever confined ; ST. JAMES'S. 69 There is many a Lord, who hath happened to bite At the baits thou hast thrown out, now gives thee the rioht To sport o'er his land ; and some do not com- plain, If each stream it is washed by, thou happen'st to drain ! For ever be thankful to P e, for thy sport, When down in Northamptonshire paying him court ; And when over to Ire/and ever you went, On the purport of forwarding trade, fully bent, TO ST. JAMES'S. Forget not the kindness by T — l — e shewn, Whose father's estate thou hast used, as thine own : Or, the welcome of K — t — g, though Roger got Little more in his pond, than will boil his own pot: Then, at B — lf — t, remember the favour to thee From him, who, one day, richest marquis will be In the land of llibernia, and by the same rule, In England is thought, at this day, the first fool! In (jl.oucestershireVtf thou should'st happen to roam, With B— k — y thou know'st thou art ever "at home"— ST. JAMES'S. ( i At Hull, of C r e's regard thou can'st boast, Which has often supplied thee, as freely as most, And would supply more, were it not for that gander He brought into Parliament, called Sala- mander ! If I were to proceed, and to swell out the list With the names of all those, " to thy mill who bring grist," Who, from fish in thy net, have heaped gold in thy lap — It could only be done, by surveying the map 7 2 ST. JAMES'S. Of Britain, and marking the many estates, The Jlats of whose waters have swallowed thy baits. I can fancy we live in those long vanished days, Whose deeds are the themes of our holiest lays, And the promise, to others held out, it has been (As reward of thy goodness) thy fortune to win. " The miraculous draught," caught by Simon, of old, Though such, that his net the contents could not hold, Surpasses not that one, which daily we see, Enmeshed, and immediately 'pulled in, by thee. ST. JAMES'S. 73 And may I not, therefore, feel perfectly sure That thou, mighty man, art " the real Simon pure," When I think o'er thy deeds, and, especially, when The prophecy says, " thou shalt henceforth catch men!" 4 Illustrious Crockford ! Oh, never before, In those times I have named, which so long are passed o'er, Oh, neither by net, or " by hook," or by line, Can other men's fishing compared be to thine ! 74 ST. JAMES'S. In throwing for gudgeon, for flat, or for crab, At either of which thou art reckoned a " dab," And a draught has come forth of each several fish, Beyond what any sportsman, save thou, e'er could wish, They've been put in thy Regent's Park pond, and, behold, They have suddenly turned into " silver and gold." 5 While such is thy trade, (which, one evening, a whim in, Lord Al y called, very properly, swimming) ST. JAMES'S. 75 Never heed what they say, or how much they abuse, Who don't happen to gain, and have nothing to lose J Never mind Earson Hod (.son, 6 although he exclaim, At thy carrying on such a capital game : There is not a person among the whole lot, But envies the fortune, and favour thou'st got ; 7 And gazing with wonder, yet spite, at thy deeds, But wishes his trade had such fine " net- proceeds." ST. JAMES'S. LETTER V. ST. JAMES'S, LETTER V. T' apyvpiov rifxiv nai to xP vai0V povov. Epicharmus. Of all the gifts which, good or bad, The gods have sent to help, or harm us, None, both effects have ever had Like those, here named by Epicharmus. 80 ST. JAMES'S. But if my province were to write On all, possessing them hath cost us : Upon the many a dear delight Which they have won, as well as lost, us I know not, if the tale were told, What book the tale could ever hold ; But what is worse, however well hit, I know not who could one half tell it. Oh, tributary gold ! what scenes Has not thy power given birth to ? To what commission lent the means Of infamy, as well as worth, too? ST. JAMES'S. 81 When Love became the darling prize, For which all mortals were contending, And Jove at last stole, in disguise, What tower and father were defending : Poor Danae, when nought else prevailed, Yet fell, as fell the golden shower ! (Whose reign, Oh, Crocky, never failed Enamouring thee at any hour !) When Friendship e'er has been the theme — The goal for which all hearts have run ; What other charms could only seem, Gold in reality has done ! G 82 ST. JAMES'S. " Balm of hurt minds" * to each dissenter, Soother of Life's increasing ills ; And, what is more, the grand cementer Of P— m— h, and Mosaic M s. 2 But whatsoe'er its boon may be, And in whatever light we view it, It has a double charm for thee, Which has so long attached thee to it. That " rara avis" 3 (well expressed In Horace, I believe, you'll find) Which, C rocky, thou hast long possessed — " Profit and pleasure" both combined. l ST. JAMES'S. 83 Come then again, to our debate, Thou huge Behemoth, from thy d— — d den, Thou "teller of Exchequer," great As ever was the Marquis Campden ! One, whom though few regards abash, The public welfare so much prizes, That, lord-like, of the public cash Thou yearly mak'st such sacrifices ! Come then once more, and let us see How well our estimates agree ; And to whose side the balance leans, Which constitutes thy " ways and means." g 2 84 ST. JAMES'S. Though I would never pledge my word Against my faith, to back thy luck, T think that D — l — n's a bird Thou canst not better do than pluck : Whose wealth, unlike the Wicklow mines, 5 Not only on the surface shines, But when below they've chanced to sound, His fortunes, if report be true, are Considered underneath the ground, Deeper, if possible, than — you are ! All, therefore, that you have to do, (And which to me seems very plain,) Whene'er you can, is — entre nous — To get his Lordship " in the vein." ST. JAMES'S. 85 When K — t — g e'er becomes thy prey, Gently, Oh! Crocky, pray 6 let him in, For he has little left for play, Who spends so much upon the women. And never yet did thought combine, (Perhaps you may not chance to know it) A greater truth, than in this line Copied from the Italian poet. 7 There is a man, — but he shall be Nameless — at least unnamed by me — Who, to his eye what here I shew, 8 When on this page it e'er shall light, 86 ST. JAMES'S. If he admits not, still will know The truth of every word I write ! Whose fate was odd enough marked out, For when but little more than twenty, He did possess, beyond a doubt, What people call " the horn of plenty :' But now the table's turned, you'll own, (Life with its roses has its thorns) For since he has an old man grown, His fortune, plenty is of horns ! y Though he is one you daily greet, Or, nightly, but " by hazard" meet, If any thing therefrom should hap, Remember Crock y — verbum sap. ST. JAMES'S. 87 The Si eur De R s does not play deep ; But whether he has little got, Or what he has, he means to keep — Why — " this deponent, sayeth not." Of all who have o'er book, or bowl, Their minds' attainments daily frittered, Few men of richer whim and soul On Life's arena ever glittered. Yet brilliant as his powers seem, So indolent he is, I doubt Sometimes, if even " Walker's team" 10 Could draw their brightness fully out. But this, it should be understood, For others chiefly is to learn, meant : 88 ST. JAMES'S. And so, to what extent he's " good," Is solely left to your discernment. One only thing I will premise, And here be governed by what 1 tell, Which is — that when his mother dies, He certainly will have the title I Should W m L x, that way bent, Upon thy counters cast his eye, Being, on getting them, intent Upon thy strength to cost his dye : There are two things 1 should prescribe, Whose force thou freely wilt imbibe ! ST. JAMES'S. 89 First, ascertain if he is going To wipe off what has long been owing — And then, prevail on him to write, For any sum that he may borrow, On Cuvent Garden, n overnight, An " order" to be paid to-morrow. Should thy remembrance, Crockford, hold, Out of thy most extensive reading, An anecdote of Erskine 12 told, (Professor both of wit and breeding) Within thy mind its precepts treasure, For thou, like him, can'st well explain, oo ST. JAMES'S. That no one ever yet knew pleasure, Who had not previously known pain. But George is rich — and well hast thou A handle long of him been making ; So 'tis thy due, we all allow, The wealth which springs from this pain's- t a king. Proud Austria's Prince, who hither comes Upon a diplomatic mission, To spend his time, and certain sums Of service money in addition : Whose weakness and parade are such, They do so strongly recommend him, ST. JAMES'S. 91 'Twould puzzle Folly, very much, One other attribute to lend him ! Long purse, 'tis true — but not long head — Of which it has been justly said, That it must be considered worse To want the head, than have the purse : Of splendour, state, and worldly pride, Of vanity, and ostentation, I should not think there does abide So bright a sample in his Nation ! He is your man ; for should he stake His fortune, and then wish to back it, Let him a dozen buttons take From off his Coronation Jacket! 92 ST. JAMES'S. For ne'er did Prince to subjects' view Present such rich and stately laced coat, For it would puzzle even you, To brino; that coat down to a ivaste-coat ! He who his fortune noiv is planning, Could not much better do than wive Into the family of C g, And there he'll very quickly thrive! For when he wished to wed his daughter, — To some no easy task to do — His talismanic influence brought her A marquisatc, and fortune too ST. JAMES'S. And just to shew how well he earned A prize, so pleasing and so great, The precious husband then he turned Into a Minister of State ! is the very man You should fall in with, when you can, Because he is, beyond a doubt, The one with whom you'll soon fa/l out ! Patron of " life" in London town, Or high, or low, no matter which " monde," Who'll take you up, and take you down, Whene'er you please, as far as . 94 ST. JAMES'S. Where, should you only chance to get Some one in company, whom all butt, And who's disposed to play, and bet, The best place for the fun 's— the Talbot. 13 F v has paid you by the score, And will, I doubt not, pay you more : While J y, on the turf, or table, Is one, whose fame will ever stand, As being both inclined, and able To pay, as most men in the Land ! -a, the famed Portuguese — Trust him, as much as e'er you please ST. JAMES'S. But H , though you may disgust him, Howe'er he please, / should not trust him. Let P y play what stakes he will, He has a well-lined private till, And that becomes a person, who With counters has so much to do ! The devil, Shakspeare 14 says, can quote From Scripture, just to suit his ends : Thus shewing, any get by rote Whatever to their purpose tends ! 96 ST. JAMES'S. If this be true, bow greater still Must be the tribute to thy will : The essence of whose deeds, and words, Of such commingled virtue boasts, To-day thou art with a host of Lords — To-morrow, with the Lord of Hosts! So, to the one, without more pother, Apply the language of the other. Though many, not here named to you, May well be deemed " sound men and true," Yet of the many more, I ween, Hath no such feeling ever been ! ST. JAMES'S. 97 So whether they exist on trade, Post-obit, mortgage, or on tontine, Thou know'st, if " in the balance weighed," That most of them will be " found — want- ing" l5 H ST. JAMES'S. LETTER VI. ST. JAMES'S. LETTER VI. When the Devil was sick, the Devil a monk would be, When the Devil was well, the devil a monk was he ! Old Ballad. The world has heard, with great dismay, (And so, I must confess, have I, too,) Some strange reports, from day to day, Which none are able to reply to ! They tell me thou art sick at heart, When thou survey 'st thy Phoenix building; 102 ST. JAMES'S. And art resolved thou wilt not part With what, the pill will cost for gilding ! Those, who care little what you do, May, as a truth, perhaps, receive it ; But, certainly, " the chosen few" Will neither wish it, nor believe it. I fain would know, on what pretence, Such measure thou art contemplating? If love of gold, or want of sense, Has put this " coward thought" thy pate in ? " That yellow God !" If thou didst love it, Thine actions have at all times shown. ST. JAMES'S. 103 Although another's thou might'st covet, Thou'st ever freely spent thine own. 1 And even should thy Conscience-glass [ Shew thee, when thou dost chance to take in Thy neighbour's house, or ox, or ass,' 1 Thou art the tenth commandment breaking; Thou should'st not be too much inclined In any serious light to view it ; And, above all things, bear in mind It is thy neighbour prompts thee to it ! Or, if thy soul cannot deny it, That though of countless worth possest, 104 ST. JAMES'S. The thoughts, of how thou hast come by it, 3 " Banish the sweet sleep" 4 from thy breast : Bethink thee, Crock y ! thou dost not Usurp an isolated station ; For seven- eights, who wealth have got, Are in the very situation ! Golden Leviathan ! whose worth Is such, the wealth of few is bigger, Than whom there is no man on earth Cuts, any day, a greater Jigure : Wouldst thou, on shallow grounds, resign The prospect, fame, and name, now thine, ST. JAMES'S. 105 For this man's hint, or thought, or fear, Or t'other man's conjectur'd nonsense? When, if we think, they must appear Only a pack of libels on sense ! If thou vvert gone, oh ! where would be The midnight sound of revelry ? The flush of money, and of wine, The loaded, and the sparkling bowl, O'er which such knaves and fools combine To buy their spirit — sell their soul ? Thy loss we all should much deplore, For it may well be deemed immense, 106 ST. JAMES'S. And most by B — g — e, who no more Would ever " laugh at thy expence." Apollo, though full well we know, That neque semper arcum tendit, 6 Will carelessly throw by his bow, And never more again will bend it. 7 What will become of, prythee think, Those who but one thing rise each morn for i Who, only born to eat and drink, 8 So well do all that they were born for. Sir George" will be completely stewed As any dish of Monsieur Ude; ST. JAMES'S. 107 While he, poor devil, meant to be Once more the Ranger of thy kitchen, The Regent's Park Canal, you'd see, Would, both himself and carte, soon pitch in. What other place, wert thou away, That interest or charm could yield, By thee afforded, when at play With puppies e'en as Sch — f — d ! 10 Oh ! were they shut out from that sport, For which to thee they're nightly borne in, One half the members of the Court, Would instantly go into mourning. 108 ST. JAMES'S. Were thy bank broke — or, if to use A better phrase, were " Hell broke loose,'* And thy sole wealth no more could stand, 'Gainst the combined wealth of the Land : The case would thus be altered quite, And thou might'st well complain with reason ; Yet such mishap comes but a night, Or two at most, throughout thy season. Oh ! what would half-pay T t be, Without the table laid by thee ? Old roseate Jack, who, (like an oaf Whose feelings, as his birth, are low bred) ST. JAMES'S. At supper oft proves, " half a loat " Is better, certainly, than no bread.' 1 Oh ! what would be the fate of some Who westward bend, when 'Change is over, And, in the evening, hither come, To civilise, and live in clover ? Who stare with wonder and delight, Sit down to eat, sit up to play, And, like Penelope, by night Undo, what they have done by day. Their only hope of meeting Fashion — And that will draw both rich and ^reat — 110 ST. JAMES'S. Would be to spend a sum of cash, on Getting up a splendid fete : And then to Calais send, for B l, To learn exactly for what sum, he'll Sit at their table, and (*twixt you And me) let them sit down there too .'" Oh ! what would portly N t do, Were he abandoned now by you ? If he should ever be bereft Of thy entrees, and lobster-sallads, 1 fear me, he has nothing left To do, but write more Spanish ballads. ,2 ST. JAMES'S. 111 What ! when the world is daily seen Dying away of too much health — A golden plethora, I mean, — — In other words, of too much wealth : Wilt thou not be their Doctor, still. Who hast before so often freed 'em ? When, gifted with Sangrado's skill, To cure, thou only hast to bleed 'em. Banish the thought — nor be it said That thou, who'st lived so much by head, (As every day's advance reveals) Should'st take, at last, unto thy heels. 112 ST. JAMES'S. Thou dost not know, Pactolian Master, The misery, and great disaster, That, in thy contemplated rout, Thou wilt too surely bring about. " List, list, oh list!" and I will show It is not yet thine hour to go : And what I say, turn in thy mind (Unless its faith be too much shaken) And, on reflection, thou wilt find That, certainly, I'm not mistaken. When Nature's cravings thou hast tamed With Luxury's most palling " stuff," ST. JAMES'S. 113 And e'en repletion, quite ashamed, Shall bid thee cry out, " hold, enough :" 1J When pleasure's all enchanting cup, Which thou hast drank out by degrees, At last, completely is dried up, And nought is left thee but the lees : When thou, of play, hast had thy fill, And canst, without compunction, sever From all who tribute to thy will — Then, Crocky, go — and go for ever !* * By way of condensing this piece of advice, I subjoin the original, of which the above is but a poor translation: " Lusisti satis, edisti satis, atque bibisti — tern pus abire tibi est." in ST. JAMES'S. " A WORD AT PARTING." A truce, ere yet my spirit dies, And let me briefly moralise ! I would not have my readers think, In traversing this fatal main, (Wherein such myriads daily sink, Never, perchance, to rise again,) I do not know the deadly harm That's hid in its seductive charm ! ST. JAMES'S. 1 1 I do ! as I had followed well This ignis-fatuus of ruin ; And see how blight's the dazzling spell Which leads men thus to their undoing ! First, comes a discontent with what Of Fortune, we've already got — Then, as the mind is apt to soar, Desire, to make sufficient — more: And to accomplish this, we roam From all the blandishments of home. The wife, whose rosy look once shone " Our May of life" 14 so brightly on— i 2 116 ST. JAMES'S. The child, whose language could impart Such matchless music to the heart — The friend, who in our dwelling smiled, And envied us this wife and child ! From these we rush, and on that shrine, Round which such strong allurements shine, We sacrifice, in hope of gain, What Fate endowed us with — in vain ! Behold that man whose hope, at last, Lies in one solitary cast : Who, agonized, thinks he'll restore The thousands he has lost before : With the deep goblet's purple stain His maddening senses dares to drain, ST. JAMES'S. II? And rendered wild, then madly stakes That which both house and fortune breaks ; Without one monitor to tell, The hearts that it will break as well ! While thus become more deeply curst By this belief — his last, and worst, At everv turn of Fortune crossed, His life, and all its worth, are lost ! I know this, reader — and, what's more Its practisers do also know it ; For every year that passes o'er, More clearly operates to show it : 118 ST. JAMES'S. Yet still, if men will thus despise Their worldly good, and not preserve it, But see it spoiled, with open eyes, I really think that they deserve it. end of si. james's. NOTES. " Notes, notes forsooth, and noting." Shakspeare. NOTES, LETTER I, Note 1, page 6, lines 9, 10. I've seenfrom forth their icy beds The wine bottles in phalanx go. " J u vat me hoc tribuisse." Note 2, page 7, line 4. Four bottles could not make her falter. According to the testimony of Sir Philip, generally speak- ing " bottle-holder " on these occasions. i n NOTES TO LETTER I. Note 3, page 8, line 10. Which Ude can only, sur mafoi, Mr. Crockford's head man — his artiste — vulgo, cook — that was, and is to be : but it is necessary to observe, that I allude to the former " feeds," and what, I hope, the future ones will be — for in Mr. Crockford's present temporary abode, his suppers are the worst of the bad. Note 4, page 9, line 5. For could that famous heathen glutton. Apicius Ca:lius, to whose workDe Arte Couuinariu, 12mo. 1709, the modern gourmand is referred. Note 5, page 9, line 9. Sir George can icitness the delight With which we've sallied from His table. Gentilitious titles would be superfluous. NOTES TO LETTER I. 123 Note 6, page 10, line 2. A sprung up, " nipping, eager air." Not to assume a virtue that I have not — be it known, these words are Shakspeare's. — Hamlet, Act i. scene 4. Note 7, page 11, lines 1, 2. Though, there are many to that end Their annual subscriptions spend. Certainly, in the mind of a calculator, 101. 10s. per annum is safely laid out, in getting, seven times a week during half the time, a supper gratis, consisting of every luxury the metropolis can produce. Note 8, page 11, lines 6, 7. " A sorry sight." Macbeth, Act ii. Scene 2. Note 9, page 11, line 10. " To stand the hazard of the die." Richard 111. Act v. Scene iv. 124 NOTES TO LETTER 1. Note 10, page 12, line 10. For what is called dessert don't hanker ; Hamlet's reply to Polonius, on the subject of desert, is very applicable to the parties in question : " Use every man after bis desert, and who shall 'scape whipping?" Note 11, page 13, line 9. 'Tis not, my Pluto, on that herd. This nomenclature, that of the God of Hell, was given to Crocky by Lord A ; who, with a trifling alteration, and with equal propriety, might have called him Plutas. Note 12, page 15, line 7. Yet as a lie will do as well. Lord Byron's expression of " that lies like truth, and yet most truly lies," is the safest plan to proceed upon, depend on't. Juvenal says — " Experiar quid concedatur in illos, " Quorum flaminia tegitur cinis, atque Latina." But Juvenal never libelled the late Lady W , or he would not have written this. NOTES TO LETTER I. 125 Note 13, page 16, line 9. That you should " seek to know no more." Macbeth. Act iv. Scene 1 . Note 14, page 16, line 11. CrOCKFORD, the words I now INDITE. I beg, Mr. Crockford, you will not misunderstand this word, and take any unnecessary alarm. I spell it without the c / Note 15, page 18, line 6. Was changed into a house of prayer. St. Mark, chap. ii. ver. 17. Note 16, page 18, line 9. Fur nightly, 'ere the feast begins. Not " of reason," whatever "flow of soul " may be in it. 126 NOTES TO LETTER I. Note 17, page 19, line 6. And send away the RICH quite empty. It is impossible there can be a more appropriate quotation, to the different avocations of the Fishmonger than this ; which I have heard attributed to that witty and most agreeable fel- low, T s D— n— e. K>7 LETTER IT. Note 1, page 23, " We must forget the belly," An apology may seem necessary for the introduction of such phraseology as this ; but uninformed creatures like Massinger, and other writers of his day, had no idea of the pitch of refinement the world would arrive at. Note 2, page 24, line 4, Spite of what all may say, " the post " Of honor is a private station." When vice prevails, and impious men bear sway, The post of honour is a private station. Cato, AcUlV. Scene If. 1?8 NOTES TO LETTER IT. Note 3, page 26, line 2. A certain longing for the fish. It is a fact, that many "players" prefer taking supper before they commence operations; and many who have played, and lost, fly to the table, under an impression that a feed may change their luck — by which it would seem, that satis- fying one appetite, begets another. Note 4, page 26, line 4. Reckless, of what you call their weal, If any one should be calf enough not to understand this, I beg to premise, that it refers to Mr. Crockford's mode of pronunciation — a certain confounding of the w's and »'s, which happens to be the case with many gentlemen, who have not always lived on the west side of Temple Bar. Men, less important than Mr. Crockford, call this word, weal. NOTES TO LETTER II. 129 Note 5, page 26, line 6. They fly from shamPAiN to the real. Mr. Crockford was asked, some time since, (when he had been winning a large sum from a Northamptonshire gentle- man, belonging to his Club,) which he liked best, Champagne Mousseux, or Champagne Sillery ?" and he replied, " Vy, I don't much care vhich, but I like G eP E, better than either." Note 6, page 29, line 6. How much you trust the Heir Apparent. This fortune in prospective is a very dangerous thing on the one hand, but a very safe speculation on the other. A young friend of mine was under obligations to Pluto, to the amount of £25,000, at the time his noble father " departed this life:" after which event, it is scarcely necessary to say, he did not long remain so. Note 7, page 30, line 2. They turn out nothing after all. " De loin c'est que/que chose, et de pres ce n'est rien." La Fontaine. K 130 NOTES TO LETTER II. Note 8, page 31, line 8. Has raised in H — L a pai"-o'-dice. There can be no doubt, that a pun should either be a very bad one, or a very good one. This his the merit of being particularly bad: but though old in itself, is brought in, I think, in a new shape. Note 9, page 34, line 14. How sad a counte' -feat they make it. The ignorant— (and the old saying is, in this instance, very true — " Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise ;") are informed, that only counters are used in play at Mr. Crockford's. Note 10, page 34, line 5. What Byron calls " a motfay mixture." " A motley mixture of the great and base." \< ITES TO LETTER II. 131 Note 11, page 34, line 5. With pipe-clay balls from Raggett's casement. The destruction made by this moaem art of warfare upon hackney coachmen , apple- women, and other passengers, Las often of a morning been alarming. It is a pi;.- but the in- strument, by which the balls aie discharged, was ?r>oliedto the backs, instead of the mouths, of the spoitsmeu. Note 12, page 37, line 13. Certainly " pick up something daily." " Thanks to youi great goodness, and the lessons " Of Mr. Wjxterto.v, I still improve, " And pick up something daily." Wilford — Iron Chest. — Act I. Scene III. Note 13, page 39, line 1. And thus anatomize each man. Not according to Lear's idea, " let us anatomise Regan :" but on the modern principle, of dissecting the pocket, in- stead of the body. K C 132 NOTES TO LETTER II. Note 14, page 40, line 12. As did Macbeth, the King of Scotland. 1 have bought " Golden opinions of all sorts of people, " Which would be worn, now in their newest gloss, " Not cast aside so soon." Macbeth— Act 1— Scene 7. 13S LETTER III. Note 1, page 44, line 4. Alike the English and the Latin. " You are a scholar, Sir William; and, if I am truly in- formed, you write Latin with almost as much purity, as you do English." Seventh Letter of Junius. Note 2, page 45, line 12. At least for ten, or twenty, ponies. It is not every reader that is aware of the modern title by which, in the Clubs, certain sums of money are recog- nised. A pony is £25, a rouleau £50, and a monkey £500. 134 NOTES TO LETTER III. The noble Earl in question, who is gifted with two sons, par- taking very largely of the latter quality, was accosted by a friend at Crockford's one evening, (when His Lordship had been a loser,) who thought him looking very much out of humour, and asked the cause. " I have lost a monkey," re- plied the Earl. Upon hearing his answer, his friend, mistaking his meaning, very naturally, but quaintly enquired, " which ?" Note 3, page 46, line 6. Has been before his eldest son. And Ins youngest, too, if you come to that ! Note 4, page 46, line 13. " Time and the hour" which will dissever. Macbeth. — Act I, Scene II. Note 5, page 47, line 2. Born to estates in Lancashire. It is not intended to make any particular prophecy, re- specting the family domains of the Noble Eail; but, under existing circumstances, the probability is, that is not the only estate that may become the Fishmonger's property. NOTES TO LETTER III. 135 Note 6, page 48, line 1. The loorth of each " particular" man. In pecuniary matters only, be it known. Note 7, page 48, line 4. If no regulate both pay, and play. I know of no better amusement, to sav nothing of con- sternation, than C.ockford's iequesting the Committee, some fine day, to call on the Members for their balances. Note 8, page 49, line 8. Trie Apollo Magnus, and his lyre. " Rien n'estbeau que le vrai, Le vrai seul est aimable," — says Boileau, and so say I. Note 9, page 50, line 2. Though more "advance" you dared refuse. On Mr. Crockford's refusing to make anv further advance to the gentleman in question, he warmly said, "If you were 136 NOTES TO LETTER III. my equal, Sir, I would call you out." — To which Crocky rejoined, " Vy ****** I'd meet you :" by which it would seem, the fishmonger still deals in soul. Note 10, page 50, line 5. When jive per cent's, the only levy. Crockford's estimation of the wealth of these two gentle- men is not bad : " Vhat I lends Tom, I lends the Lord Jive per cent, upon." Note 11, page 51, line 5. Who, hearing some one say how Salltjst, Saltare elegantius quam necesse est probae. Note 12, page 52, line 10. Than all consider Ragley's Lord. That distinguished exile, B 1, said of His Lordship, that " he was a nobleman among Princes, and a Prince among noblemen." NOTES TO LETTER III. 137 Note 13, page 53, line 12. Because he had a pretty mistress. Madlle. A e, is not the only instance of the Kang's opera patronage — and no wonder — for he is an agree- able fellow. Note 14, page 56, line 9. That poivre ardent Lord, who's sunk. A name given, by the French papers, to bis Lordship's emi- nent father. Note 15, page 57, line 2. As in the golden days of Howard. Not the Patriot ! not the Philanthropist ! but the money- lender ! Note 16, page 59, line 6. Nor seeks to dymock out again. In this expression, may probably be traced the partial ori- gin of language ; when the uninformed reader is told, that 138 NOTES TO LETTER III. the performance of the Champion, at the coronation of his present Majesty, has bestowed this title upon the now obso- lete phrase of " backing out," of either aigument, bargain, or other undertaking. 130 LETTER IV. Note 1, page 64, line 5. Completer redemption) " the stranger take IN." " For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat : I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink : I was a stranger, and ye took me in." St. Matt. cnap. xxv. v. 34. And which of these divine commands has not Mr. Crockford obeyed ? Note 2, page 66, line 9. Leave these " delicatesses" io your friend Monsieur Ude, Crockford's foi mer locum tenens in culinary matters, (as before observed) and author of a recently-published Cookery Book. Note 3, page 66, line 13. If he' 11 leave io your care the controul of the crabs. The throw of aces, literally speaking, constitutes the terms crabs ; but it is a common error, continuity fallen into, to 1 lo NOTES TO LETTER IV. suppose deuce are is " the point proposed " — the former com- pels Mr. Crockford to pay double the stakes against him, and the latter prevents the necessity of his paying them at all. Note 4, page 73, line 8. The prophecy says, " thou shalt henceforth catch MEN." And Jesus said unto Simon, " Fear not; from henceforth thou shalt catch men." — St. Luke, Chap. v. ver. 10. Note 5, page 74, line 10. They have suddenly turned into " silver and gold." The precise quality of these fish, has puzzled every natu- ralist T ever heard, or read of, except Mr. Crockford. Note 6, page 75, line 3. Never mind Parson Hodgson, although he exclaim. A reverend gentleman, who now and then amuses the con- gregation of St. George's, Hanover Sauare, with sundry ful- minations against Mr. Crockford. NOTES TO LETTER IV. in Note 7, page 75, line 6. But envies the fortune and favour thou'st got. Crocky may say with Horace : " Tamen me Cam magnis vixisse in vita fatebituv, usque Invidia." which is " my meaning, but infinitely better expressed." 142 LETTER V. Note 1, page £2, line 1. " Balm of hurt minds" to each dissenter. Macbeth. Act ii. Scene 1. Note 2, page 82, line 4. Of P m h, and Mosaic M s. As a strong maik of friendship, also thinking it might be of more service to him now than hereafter, and also to save him the legacy duty, His Lordship last year gave his friend John, the sum of £25,000 — but it is said, that, with the feelings of all his tribe, John has dropped a quiet hint to the Commissioners, that he shall, nevertheless, have to pay them something, at a future day, arising out of the same quarter .' Crsedat Judceus ! Note 3, page 82, line 9. That " rara avis" fioell expressed. Simul et jucunda et idonea discere vitse. NOTES TO LETTER V. 143 Note 4, page 82, line 12. " Profit and pleasure" both combined. " Nigroque sirniilime cygno" is the orthodox termi- nation of the sentence ; but if it were not for the phrase of " rara avis," the better termination, in Mr. Ckockford's instance, would be most assuredly " nigroque simiilime crure.'" Note 5, page 84, line 5. Whose wealth, unlike the Wickloiv mines. The superficiality of these mines has given rise to a very sprightly farce by O'Keefe, and to this beautiful extract from the sixth number of the Irish Melodies: Has love to that soul, so tender, Been like our Lagenian mine, Where sparkles of golden splendour All over the surface shine — But if in pursuit we go deeper, Allured by the gleam that shone, Ah, false as the dream of the sleeper, Like love, the bright ore is gone. Ill NOTES TO LETTER V. Note 6, page 85, line 2. Gently, Oh! Crocky, pray let HIM in. Notwithstanding that Virgil says, " P««nica se quantis attollet gloria rebus," I really mean no play on the preceding word of the same sounding ; but insert it, as is too frequently the case, for want of a better. Note 7, page 85, line 8. Copied from the Italian poet. " Bella femmina che ride, vuoi dir' borsa che piange." Note 8, page 85, line 11. Who, to his eye tohat here I shew. " Shew his eye " 1 may ; but I very much doubt whether, following up the witch's incantation, I shall be able to " grieve his heart." Note 9, page 86, line 10. His fortune, plenty is of horns ! That it may not be erroneously supposed this idea is " extemuorc, from my mother wit," I subjoin the authority of NOTES TO LETTER V. \ \ , the witty Mademoiselle Arnould, who thus expressed her- self of M. de " La destinee de cet homme est siugu- liere ; dans sa jeunesse il a eu la come d'abondance, et dans sa vieillesse il a l'abondance des cnrnes." Note 10, page 87, line 1 1. " Walker's teain." The prowess of John Walker, between London and Worthing, requires no comment. Note 11, page 89, line 5. C'ovent Garden, &;c. The" venue" has been changed to Drury Lane, since the above was written. Note 12, page 89, line 9. An anecdote of Erskine told. On Lady Paine's enquiring after Lord Erskine's health, he gave Her Ladyship this reply : " It is true I've been ill, but I need not complain, " For he never knew pleasure, who never knew pain ,-" but whether Her Ladyship was in any way related to Mr. Crockford's Northamptonshire friend, I know not. I 1 16 NOTES TO LETTER V. Note 13, page 94, line 4. The best place for the fun's — the Talbot. The late amusements at this hotel, and the criminations, and recriminations arising therefrom, are too fresh in public re- membrance, and created too much disgust into the bargain to bear repetition. Note 14, page 95, line 7. The devil, Shakspeare says, can quote. Merchant of Venice, Act 1. Scene 3. Note 15, page 97, line 4. That most of them will be "found — wanting." I may say of this word, what was said by Dyer to Syl- vester, (two poetasters who were rhyming for a wager) when the latter attempted to rhyme the words " thy sister" to his own name, and it was objected to by Dyer.—" Well," said Sylvester, " if it is not rhyme, it's true." 147 LETTER VI. Note l.page 103, line 3. Thou'st ever freely spent thine oivn. " Alieni appetens, sui profusus," is perhaps coming, by a much shorter way, to my conclusion. Note 2, page 103, line 6. Thy neighbour's house, or ox, or ASS. The covetousness of such an article as this, ought not as- suredly to be laid to Mr. Crockford's charge, in too serious a manner; because so many of his neighbours have more of it, than they know what to do with. Note 3, page 105, line 1. The thoughts of how thou hast come by it. Improbae Crescunt divitiae, tamen Curtae nescio, quid semper abest rei. Horace. 148 NOTES TO LETTER VI. Note 4, page 104, line 2. " Banish the siveet sleep" from thy breast. This expression, if I remember rightly, is Mr. Rovve's pro- perty, in the 2nd Act of his Jane Shore. Note 5, page 106, line 2. Would ever " laugh at thy expence." The situation of this noble Lord would be more critical than that of most others; because he was seldom, if ever, known to laugh, or do any thing else, at his own expence ! Note G, page 106, line 4. " That NEQUE SEMPER ARCUM TENDIT." Horace, 2 Od. x. 19. Note 7, page 106, line 6. And never more again ivill bend it. Apollo, however, has in the present instance this consola- tion ; that, if he won't bend his bow himself, his lyre is always ready to draw it for him ; and a pretty long one he generally makes of it. NOTES TO LETTER VI. 149 Note 8, page 106, line 9. Who only born to eat and drink. Fruges consumere nati. — Hor. 1 Ep. xi. 27. Note 9, page 106, line 11. Sir George will be completely steived. Although it is said of the worthy Baronet, that " in solo vivendi causa palato est," yet, I will challenge any one to deny, that he has many excellent qualities both in heart and head. Note 10, page 107, line 8. With puppies e'en as Sch — F — D ! A young foreign monkey, who came over to England last season with the view of captivating the hearts of our country- women, because he defeated in a duel, " with sabres and sans temoins" the son of Lord H N ; but he soon learnt that an English woman is not " tuteke ergo in puppe locata.'' 150 NOTES TO LETTER VI. Note 11, page 110, line 6. And me J let them sit down there too ! However hard this may appear, it certainly was attempted once by this celebrated exile of fashion. A citizen, named in these pages, gave some excellent "feeds," to get himself into notice; and to make the thing complete, he prevailed on B l to come to one of them. The " exquisite" enquired how many were of the merchant's party; to which he replied, " seven, including myself, and I wish you to make the eighth." B l rejoined, " I will come with pleasure ; but you surely do not labour under such a mistake, as to suppose you are to sit at the table with me!" Note 12, page 110, line 12. To do, but write more Spanish ballads. A friend of the Noble Lord's, speaking of his late musical publication, quoted the opinion that was once given on a volume of Dorat's fables : " Examine! done bien le papier, les gravures, et les vignettes; vous verrez que les vers sont pour RIEN." NOTES TO LETTER VI. 151 Note 13, page 113, line 2. Shall bid thee cry out, " hold, enough." Macbeth. Scene vi. Act 5. Note 14, page 115, line 12. " Our May of life" so brightly on. Macbeth. Scene vi. Act 3. END OF THE NOTES. In v ^•Aavaan-i^ ^EUNIVERtyv 3